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Rarely is that a novel that is truly unique . So often writers mimic each other , whether or not it is unconscious , but they still stick to a writing style . Eucalyptus is so unique that it is a masterpiece standing on its own . Nothing comes near it . My expectation from the title was that the story was based in country Australia , and my expectation from the thickness of the novel that there would be a lot to the story . I was right on the first , and wrong on the second . Murray Bail seems like the kind of slowly moving man that watches everything . I picture him as an observer , taking everything in around him . The main character , the father , has been described as gruff and a captor . I don 't see him that way . He is a typical Aussie bloke from that era - no expression , little communication , and clueless about women . He thought he was protecting his daughter , and he thought what worked for him would work for her . One of my expectations was that the story would be substantial , but it turned out that Murray Bail used the main story to weave in lots of little stories and anecdotes . There was also slabs of information about eucalypts , which got a bit boring , but also made me ashamed that I don 't know more about our native trees . I skipped through a lot of the information , and the short stories , urgently seeking the next tail of the story line . I get like that - impatient - when I enjoy a story and the characters , and I just want the pace to move a bit faster . If the novel doesn 't accommodate the pace , which this one didn 't , then I make the pace up myself . . . by skipping over whole sections . I have started writing the first chapter of my novel this weekend . As a warm up , to get me motivated to write , I decided to do an exercise to get myself motivated . From the book Now Write , I decided to do an exercise by Joan Leegant called Animating the Inanimate . Therefore , I am well positioned to know what is going on in my house . It is around me that the morning routine rotates . I am there when the happenings of the day are discussed as the sun goes down and the white florescent light shines on . I am privy to the financial discussions , the arguments , and the expressions of love . I witness many embraces , many tears , and many celebrations . I know all the family secrets before anyone else , because I alone am listening when no one else is around . They place a lot of trust in me , and they love me for it . It is me that they listen for as the dawn light filters in . It is my side that they cup tenderly , sometimes pulling their hands away with a shock , feeling my warmth . It is I that gets lifted gently , and then replaced in my cradle when they are done . I am indispensable . . . I am a kettle . It feels very childish - like something I would have written in primary school . But it did the trick , and got me motivated to right . I have completed the first draft of my first chapter . Having just finished Wolf Hall , I thought I would read something quick and light . I chose The Boy In the Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne . I hadn 't heard anything about this story , and thought it would be easy . It is written from the point of view of a 9 year old , and very refreshing . However , this story is the most shocking and saddening story that I have read in a long time . It was so touching , and I think was enhanced because of the point of view that it was written from . The main character , Bruno , who is 9 years old , does seem to be a lot younger in many of his thought processes . He may be a little simple , or the writer may have had difficulty remembering how a 9 year old really thinks . . . or he was so protected from the real world by his mother that he was extremely naive . He lived in his own world , and he was the centre of his universe . It is touching how he pronounces things wrong : he calls the Fuhrer the " Fury " , and he calls Auschwitz " Out - With " . Bruno 's father is a Commandant in the Nazi party . He tells Bruno that the people in Auschwitz are " not people at all " . Bruno is too young to understand racism . But his mother is depressed and ( although she seems to like her husband 's status ) she doesn 't agree with what he 's doing . Bruno 's grandmother is the only person that Bruno has seen stand up to his father , and openly oppose the views of the Nazi party . Bruno , though , doesn 't understand what the argument is over . Through the dialogue that Bruno hears , the reader draws this conclusion . Bruno 's mother says " we don 't have the luxury of thinking " , and she means that if they think any differently from the Nazi party that their lives are in danger . At the end , Bruno 's father seems to realise the horror of what he has done , even if only to his own son . He seems to realise the suffering that he subjected people too , even if he thought of the Jews as less than human . There is a reference at the very end of the book to Bruno 's father being taken away submissively by other soldiers . I think this is the allies coming to free to Jews from Auschwitz and taking Bruno 's father prisoner . He goes willingly because he thinks he deserves to be punished . This week , I worked on developing my characters . I developed my main character and his love interest , his parents and his siblings . I also developed my murderers . My cattle thieves are John " Jack " Beveridge and James Sidney " Sid " Beveridge . These brothers were the third and fifth children on five , born in Harrietville . They grew up with parents that were too busy for them , running a farm and a guesthouse at the gateway to the snow fields in Victoria . By the time Sid was born , his parents had absolutely no time for him . Jack became Sid 's mentor . He idolised Jack , and tailed him everywhere . Jack was a cruel man . Harsh , unsympathetic and ruthless . He was strict on Sid and uncompromising . He beat Sid , called him names , put him down , and broke him . However , he would not let anyone else talk down to Sid , and would not let Sid put up with anyone talking down to him . He would set Sid on people , like a fighting dog . Jack dominated Sid completely . Jack worked in a gold mine , saving money to buy a farm . In the early 1900s , he bought a farm at the top of the Buckland valley , with cattle lease rights including the Barry Mountains and Tea Tree Range . Sid and Ada went to live with him , and work for him . Jack would buy cheap cattle all over Victoria , and he would send Sid to collect . Sid became an excellent cattleman , and would steal extra cattle when he was driving Jack 's cattle home . Sid had no idea of what was right or wrong . He took what he wanted , and wasn 't pulled up by anyone because they were scared of him . Sid was scared of no one except for Jack . He was a fighter . Jack wouldn 't berate Sid for stealing , because to contributed to his own wealth . Sid often stole to give a gift to Jack . Sid was simple . He wasn 't interested in anything but making Jack happy , and cattle . He loved cattle . He dreamt about cattle . He loved the calves , how they played , and how they wagged their tails when they drank from their mother . He hated weaning the calves , which he always thought was done too early . He hated selling them , but Jack would hit him over the back of the head and sell them anyway . They wanted Jim Barclay 's cattle , which were fine cattle and worth a lot . Jack set Sid to kill Jim , and they stole all the cattle . Conveniently , Jim Barclay and Jack Beveridge shared the same initials , so Jack sold the cattle as if they were his own . He got very rich and bought up land all over north - east Victoria . Sid was never concerned about being caught . It never crossed his mind that what he had done was wrong . If the police had ever suspected , and come asking questions , Jack would have dobbed Sid straight in and turned his back on his brother . But it never came to this . I haven 't done a book review for a while , because I have been reading the epic novel by Hilary Mantel : Wolf Hall . It won the Man Booker prize in 2009 . It took me about three weeks , when I am used to reading a book in a week . At a few points , I was ready to give up . The pace was slow , some of the paragraphs were nearly a page long . It was also confusing , because the writer kept referring to Thomas Cromwell ( the main character ) as ' he ' , even when there were other male characters in the scene . So , I was always having to reread sections to work out you said what , and what Cromwell actually did and didn 't do . After taking about 300 pages to build up , I did actually like Cromwell a lot . He was a great character . I think I like him because he was modern for his time , and a realist . He was also highly intelligent , and a hard worker . He was fair , and compassionate . He 's also never completely loyal to anyone but himself , and he 's not afraid to lie and cheat to get what he wants . The other reason I kept reading was that I know and love the story of King Henry VIII . This is the fourth novel about Henry that I have read . I have also watched the TV series : the Tudors . The story of Henry has never been told from a secondary perspective around Cromwell . It portrayed Henry in a different light , too , because of the experiences Cromwell had lived and where he was coming from . I think the next novel I should read about Henry will be A Man for All Seasons . Apparently there are some stark contrasts between how the characters are portrayed in each of these books . Sir Thomas More irritated me in this novel . But that is hardly surprising , since I have very little time for extremists . And that 's what I consider More to be . The most disappointing thing for me was that I felt the book finished in the wrong place . I thought it was called Wolf Hall because it would continue through until Jane Seymour became queen . The may that Mantel has portrayed Jane Seymour makes me wonder how she ever got noticed by Henry . Answering that question was one of the reasons I kept reading , but not to have that question answered has left me feeling unsatisfied . Obviously , if we don 't even get to the point when Jane Seymour is queen , then we don 't get to Cromwell 's lutheran queen , and the beginning of his end . Does that mean that there is room for a sequel to Mantel 's epic ? I hope not : I can 't cope with putting this much effort into reading . This is a very difficult task . Although I have a broad outline of the story in my head , I like it to unfold while I write . Having to write the climax when I haven 't fully developed my characters and setting is difficult . I know that I want Harry to find Jim 's killers and subtly confront them . But I don 't know where or how that 's going to happen yet . I don 't think I 'll end up using this scene , and I 've rushed it because I know I won 't use it . But the exercise was great , because it 's made me think that far ahead . ASSIGNMENT by JacquiHe sat in the hard pew at the back of the church , back stiff , and hands folded unnaturally in his lap . Mark sat beside him , leaning towards Harry and whispering gossip about each of the locals as they filed past to the front of the church . Harry was not listening closely . He was watching each man pass , trying to recognise any of the figures that he had seen from a distance , sitting on top of the Buckland spur and watching the drovers . He began to think his intuition was off . He was kidding himself if he thought that Jim 's murderer would walk through the arch and identify himself . It was a long shot that the murderer had been sitting comfortably here in Myrtleford , as the police scoured Mansfield , Dargo and Gippsland . But when Harry saw him , he knew instantly . An average looking man , wearing a suit that was rolled up at the sleeves , and the legs tucked into his boots . The man had forgotten to remove his hat as he entered . It was pulled low over his eyes . As Harry watched , the man reached up and lifted the hat from his head , revealing deep - set eyes and greasy dark hair . " Jack Beveridge , " Mark whispered , continuing his commentary which Harry had not listened to until now . Harry took note to the initials - JB . Jim Barclay . " His family is from Harrietville . A whole heap of Beveridges all over there . He 's come into some money recently , because he 's been buying up farms and land all over Buckland and Abbeyard . Strange , though . His brother is always trailing close by . " As if to prove his point , a taller man ducked into the interior of the church . " There he is . Sid . " The service passed without Harry hearing a word . He murmered " Amen " when the congregation did . He tried to concentrate , but his eyes kept slipping over to where Jack and Sid Beveridge sat . When the priest finally shut his book with a snap , Harry slid from his pew and ducked straight out the back of the church , into the sun . He was letting the warmth soak into his upturned face when Mark found him . " We 're not leaving yet . Let me introduce you around to soThe men continued to hold their hand shake , looking into each other 's eyes , each now knowing that the other man knew that he knew . Harry recognised the importance of this moment , and would not drop his eyes first . He would be forever in danger if he did . This man would come and hunt him down . Or send his brother . Sid shifted again and stepped forward , breaking Jack 's gaze and drawing his eyes towards his brother . The moment passed , and Harry released Jack 's hand as the other man stepped back . He watched Jack for a moment longer , before turning to grasp Sid 's hand for two brief pumps . It was clear that Sid did not see what had passed , and though Harry felt sure that Sid knew who he was , Sid did not suspect that Harry knew who they were . Knew their darkest deeds , and where they had come upon their money . Selling cattle with the brand " JB " . After briefly discussing the lack of rainfall , Harry let Mark steer him away . He felt the deep set eyes burn a hollow into his back , which made him walker taller and stronger . He knew . When you do get to write the climax , however , I hope that you will give us a little more than this . ' Subtle ' is all very well , but I feel you are being just a little too subtle here . For example , we don 't get Jack 's final reaction . Yes , he knows Harry knows , but what then ? What expressions cross his face ? How does his body language change ? When Harry watches the man ' for a moment longer ' , what does he see ? Last year , before I moved , I was a member in a brilliant book club . I still carry around the book list from the book club in my bag , so that when I am in a bookshop I can look for something rather than just browse . I use it as a guide . Only one book from each author is listed , so sometimes I will chose a different book by the same author . The aim is just to get me reading a wider variety of books than I ever read before . If I don 't like an author , I never had to read their writing again . If I do like an author , then I will find out what else they have written , and form a great relationship with their books . ALLENDE , Isabel - Ines of my Soul . I have already read " Of Love and Shadows " by Isabel Allende . I liked her style enough to try one more book by her . Either this one , or " The House of the Spirits " . ARMSTRONG , Lance - It 's Not About the Bike . Read it . It 's not about the bike - it 's about a huge ego . AUSTEN , Jane - Persuasion . I have read " Pride and Prejudice " and tried to read " Sense and Sensibility " but hated it . I 'm not going to try any more Jane Austen unless someone can convince me otherwise . BRONTE , Charlotte - Jane Eyre . I 've seen the movie . I 'm not interested in reading the book . I have bought her sister 's book , Wuthering Heights , so I 'll give that a go . GREGORY , Philippa - The Other Boleyn Girl . Read it . Loved it ! Read the sequel , and loved it also . I 've also bought The Other Queen and The White Queen to read . GRUEN , Sara - Water for Elephants . Read it , loved it ! I 'm not interested in seeing the movie . I will read more by Sara . HARDY , Thomas - Tess of the D ' Urbervilles . I know this story , because I watched the TV series . Not interested in reading it , now that I know the story . I might try something else by this author , if there is anything . MCCARTHY , Cormac - All the Pretty Horses . I have read The Road . I have also bought Blood Meridian . If I also like that , then I will read more of Cormac 's writing . MCEWAN , Ian - On Chesil Beach . I have read Atonement . I have tried to read another book by Ian , but hated it so much that I put it down ( I hate putting books down , it feels like a failure ) . I might try something else by Ian , if it is recommended to me . NIFFENEGGER , Audrey - The Time Traveller 's Wife . Read it . It was confusing to begin with , and hard to read . But then it flowed well , and I loved it . Hated the movie ! I will read more of Audrey 's PICOULT , Jodi - My Sister 's Keeper . I have read something by Jodi already . It didn 't stand out . It was too ordinary . I 'm not in a rush to pick up another book by her , at this point . Unless someone wants to recommend one ? REILLY , Matthew - Temple . As an Australian author , I should have read something by Matthew already , but I haven 't . I 've bought Scarecrow to read . SEBOLD , Alice - The Lovely Bones . Read it , loved it . Also saw the movie , and although it missed out a lot ( as movies always do ) , I think the movie was great . It didn 't stick to my imagination , either , but it had such an emotional effect on me that I cried throughout most of it ! SILVEY , Craig - Jasper Jones . Read it . It was edgy , but I don 't think I 'll read anything by Craig again . It seems like it is young adult fiction . TSIOLKAS , Christos - The Slap . I 've read it . I might try something else by Christos , mainly because he is Australian . I am hopeful that not all his writing is as sex - and drug - obsessed .

Today it was a perfect sunny day ! I woke up really late and I 've been grouchy , cause I didn 't have the time to do all those things I wanted . Anyway , I went for a walk with my baby who was also grouchy for reasons unknown . We went to the playground , did some swinging . . . he was really interested in some wild - running with bicycles - boys . I totally believe he 's going to be a seriously energetic child . We left the playground and walked around the neighborhood . After a while . he have fell asleep and I was full of energy from the sun . Perfect ! We went back home , he continued sleeping and I kept preparing my mother 's birthday cake . Yes , it was her birthday ! The rest of my day was cake preparation - baby stuff - cleaning . Late in the afternoon my friend Daphne visited , brought a gift for the baby and invited as in the masque party at the bar she is working . The weather was unusually good , so we decided to go . My mother have made this great chili pepper costume for the baby and it was the perfect time for him to put it on . At first we went to my mum to extinguish her candle . I made this cake for her . I 've been preparing it since yesterday . It is sooo time consuming , but she totally worth it ! Instead of chocolate shavings on top , I putted mint leaves . That was the best idea ever . . . they tasted amazing . The next time I 'm going to cover the whole cake with mint leaves . We ate the cake and took the way to the masque party with our chili pepper . It was a very warm night and sitting outside was easy . We wouldn 't like our child to be somewhere full of cigarette smoke or diseases . My friend Elpida joined us later . And oh , boy ! After all this time I had some beer ! It was my first night out since I had the baby . . . and I had beer . . . on a bar . . . at night ! Still can 't believe it ! Today , I had an MRI to make sure my Paresis Of Facial Nerve is caused by a virus . I 've never done one before and certainly I wasn 't prepared to have it . Before I have an examination or take medication , I always ask family and friends and do some internet research to get some opinions . But , not today ! I got in the tomography room , this nice gentleman spreaded some paper on a long bed - thing and asked me to lie down . I did , so far so good . He asked me a few questions and then he said I 'd have to stay in there for half an hour . Ok , I thought . . . wait what ? ? ? Half an hour in there ? ? ? He gave me a small balloon shaped thingy to squeeze if I needed something . Ok , I thought . Oh no , who am I kidding ? It 's not ok , I feel trapped . . . I 'm freaking out ! ! ! Wait , focus ! Think positive ! I just breastfed the baby , so he 's not going to need me soon . Yeah , but if something happens to him . . . are the gonna tell me or wait till the examination ends ? Nothing 's gonna happen silly ! What if an earthquake happens ? Are they gonna leave me here ? No earthquake 's gonna happen , relax ! Ok , I 'm fine . . . oh no , why should we be on a basement ? I 'm so scared ! My stomach feels like . . . oh man ! It 's ok . . . everything 's gonna be ok ! I 'm in Peristeri ( that 's where I 've been living for the biggest part of my life ) , my mother and my son are right outside . Nothing 's gonna happen to me . But what if something happens to them . . . I won 't be able to protect them ? ! Listen Krysta . . . THINK POSITIVE . . . ok let 's see . . . my favourite beach , babies , yoga , the sun , lots of books , orange , camping . . . hey that works . . . cooking , dancing , love , pedicure , stars , beer . . . nice . . . good for me . . . I 'm totally relaxed ! Half an hour so , that 's a lot . . . probably only 5 minutes have already passed . Hey , remember positive thinking . . . I won 't even realize when all this time have passed . So , let 's explore this place a bit . I tried to lift my head up . . . not possible . I tried to spread my arm to see how deep my body is to this machine . Every now and then I was feeling the bed moving deeper ( creepy ) . I heard thPosted by After the 3 Reasons Why It 's Good to Have a Baby While You 're Young here comes the ' negative ' side of being a parent at a young age ! 1 ) JealousySometimes I have some lovely friends visiting . That 's something very special for me . It 's the break in my routine . It 's always going great when , as the sun falls bown , they begin to make calls to arrange what will do later . That 's when I realise that their visit here is just the starter and they plan about the main dish in front of me without counting me in ! I feel my stomach burning . Jealousy ! How much I want to go out and have some casual time with them , drink some beer , have a cigarette , talk , laugh , dance . Man I really miss that ! For I moment a strong thought passes through my mind . . . why the hell did I have a baby ? ? ? STOP . . . FOCUS . . . it 's ok ! It 's my decision to breastfeed , use attachment parenting method and other things that makes me not to able to leave my baby with my mother for example and go out and have some fun with friends . It 's my decision to offer him what I consider the best and it happens to be seriously demanding . All I have to do is stick with it and be patient . In two or three years ererything will be way easier for me and guess what I 'll be only 23 . Just - be - patient ( now exhale ) ! 2 ) RepressionWe all know about those grown ups who have an appearance and / or do stuff that are not appropriate for their age . Speaking about appropriate I believe someone can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn 't bother the people around him . So I have no problem about what someone wears , does or says as long as he respects me , my space and my property . But generally it 's nice to be able to do things that suit your age . If someone or something represses you , when you 'll find the chance , you 'll burst ! That doesn 't seem right . . . right ? As for me I hope everything ends up well . I really worry about this sometimes . 3 ) Social EnvironmentI think this is the worst ! Generally I don 't care about what society says . But when you 're pregnant and the first after birth months are a little toPosted by Yesterday I visited a very good doctor . I was diagnosed with paresis of facial nerve . The left side of my face is paralyzed . That means I can 't close my eye properly , I don 't have wrinkles anymore , food and water are trying to escape from my mouth ( my paralysis makes it so easy ) , I can 't smile or talk like before , not even kiss my baby and all of this only on the left side of my face . It 's pretty weird ! At first people think I do it in purpose . . . unfortunately I 'm not ! How it feels to be like quasimodo ? Not good ! But as always I try to be optimistic . I laugh with the peoples ' jokes . . . to be honest it is funny . I even made a gif . . . who does that ? Seems it was more serious than I thought . Well again I was lucky cause if I have left it and not start medication in the first 3 days since the symptoms started I would run the risk of a permanent mark . At least now it will be cured , it 's just takes a lot of time . I hope everything goes well ! I had a weird numbness on the left side of my face the whole day . I had a little trouble eating and drinking and it was a little annoying but it was supportable . Late on the afternoon I was talking on the phone with my mother and when I told her what happens to me , she suggested to see a doctor . And that 's what I did ! At about 8 . 00 pm I went to the first aid centre . I told the pathologist what happens , she did a few tricks with my face and she said : You are young and you 'll be worried . . . you have paresis of facial nerve . . . it 's not my specialty so I can 't give you anything . . . you have to see a neurologist immediately . Go to an overnight hospital . You can cure it with warmness , massages and meds , it 's just takes a lot of time . Don 't worry ! I said I worry cause I have a baby who breastfeeds . She said I should not feed my baby with my milk while I take meds , instead throw it away ( the milk silly , not the baby ) . Damn it ! I went back home . Informed Phillip , breastfed the baby and about 10 . 00 pm we all got in the car and traveled to the hospital . They had a weird system there . When you were getting in the hospital there was a security lady . You had to tell here were you pain and she would diagnosed what doctor you had to see ! ! ! After that you had to take a number and wait for your turn . Every few minutes the same security lady was calling what number that should get into . Anyway , we waited for at least one hour and she never even mentioned about a neurologist . So we went to ask her . Then she asked the other security ( I wonder what she says when people ask her what job she does ) if there are a lot of people in the neurologist 's , he said no , so we got in ( ! ! ! ) . ' In ' was ehm ok . . . a big room separated by curtains , that hided nothing . A chaotic room where all the doctors and patients were one over the other . I waited for a few minutes but they kept bringing people on stretchers . I took a look around me . I saw people bleeding , elderly people insensible / on drugs / having injections . Between them my problem seemed so small . I thoughtPosted by Notice : I 'm not trying to convince anyone to make a baby at a young age . Every person is different . Therefore someone may be mature enough to have a baby at 20 while someone else at 40 . Although I consider myself mature enough for my age , I have to admit that having a baby is not easy at all . So be careful people . Especially you ladies . . . don 't do something that you 'll regret later . Having a baby at a young age has a lot of advantages . 1 . You Are FearlessYoung people do lots of crazy stuff that older ones don 't . I think this is because we ( the young ones ) haven 't seen or heard about too many sad incidents . That makes us feel like we can do everything . When obstacles occur , people realise that they 're not invincible . They become more careful , less impulsive . This usually comes as a person is growing up but it depends on the experiences and the temperament . But how the hell is being fearless helps with having a baby ? Well , many people tell me that I am a very relaxed mama and that they didn 't expect me to handle all the baby thing so good . I think it 's because I don 't worry too much about things like illness , food etc . so I spend my time playing with my baby , going for walks , reading about babies , blogging and other stuff that make me relax . 2 . You Have A Lot Of EnergyI have friends in their thirties and forties that have always been jealous ( in a good way ) of my ability to wake up in the morning , go to work , get back home , do something . . . whatever , then go out , drink drink drink , get back home at 3am , sleep for 3 hours , wake up and do the same . Ok this is not my ability , it 's anyone 's who 's in his twentys . I guess you see why this is helpful when you have a baby that wakes up at 3 am and decides that he wants to play ! 3 . You 'll Have Similar Interests With Your KidI believe we are all aware of the generation gap . Although I have to mention those few old people whith hearts younger than many young people 's hearts . I love those guys ! ! That 's all for me ! I guess you 'd also like to read the negatives about being a young mum ! When things get hard and I feel pressured . . . somehow , something nice gets into my world to make me rethink . I accidentaly read a saying about children today , when I was not very well . I found it so uplifting , that I kept searching for children quotes like that . I have to come back everytime I feel unpleasant . The average child , does things right . The unlimited child , does the right thing . Don 't force square children go through round holes . - G . Koras So valentines day . . . everything seemed to be as usual . I went to my mother to eat lentil soup . I went into to her room to change baby 's diaper and I found this . the dialog went like this . . . me : You got that for dad ? ? ? my mama : No . me : Don 't tell me . . . dad got that for you ? ? ? ! ! ! my mama : No . I got it for my valentine . . . me worried : Who 's your valentine mama ? ? ? my mama : Your son silly ! Phew . . . ! That chocolate egg ! ! ! I watch the news . People with batons . . . people with rocks . The national library in flames . There 's a war out there . I know that 's all about breaking up the anger . But it hurts me now like it never hurted me before . It hurts me cause everything goes from bad to worse like never before . It hurts me cause I have this little man and I see all the innosence of the world in his eyes . One word . . . why ? ? ? Why does he have to live with this situation ? ? ? Our ' ' good ' ' politicians just voted for the new measures . Well it 's easy for them . Thery 're not workers , they 're not pensioners . How the hell are we gonna live like this ? It 's already very hard to survive . And of course I know there are worse . But just like every mama I want the best for my son . I didn 't choose this future for my him . They did . At least I have my conscience clear cause I never voted for them . But I 'm scared . . . I don 't even know if I have the right to be scared . In my arms I hold him and he 's the future of this world . My arms should be strong . . . my heart too . . . so is my soul . I have to keep smiling . Cause I brought him here to offer him an amazing life . That 's what I have to do . . . I don 't know why but I love making lists ! I make lists about everything . From little stuff I have to do during the day , to big plans and dreams . I used to make lists everyday . I couldn 't imagine that I would spend a day without a list . Well ok I didn 't use to make lists when I was on vacation or on those days that you wake up and decide that you 'll do nothing . But in normal days I needed this kind of organisation to make it through . I 'm a person who never says no ( I 'm already working on that ) , so I find myself drinking coffee or walking around with friends instead of sewing this damn skirt I want to sew for about 2 months , all the time . Having some plans written , seems to me more official . Seems like there is something I HAVE TO DO ! Plus if I forget something , my list always reminds me . Recently , I found out that my mother and her sister also love making lists . As I said I used to make lists everyday . Now I don 't even have the time to pee . But when there is my mother or a friend around to keep my baby busy I try to make lists . The last few days I 'm working on a 21 before 21 list . A list of things that I want to do before my 21st birthday . I 'm almost finished whith it so I 'm going to post it soon . That 's all for now . Don 't you love this little dude ? Today , I was at my mom 's . The baby was sleeping , so I thought I could leave him for ten minutes and go over my house to do the laundry . When I came back I found my mom changing baby 's diaper . She told me a great story . A few minutes after I left , Maya ( her dog ) , went close to her and started complaining . She never does such things so my mom did quiet and heard the baby crying ! ! ! It was so sweet that the doggie informed my mother that my son was crying . . . After that , I was holding my little monkey while sitting on the couch . Maya was doing crazy things to make me notice her and play with her . When baby monkey saw this little black / brown creature moving at the speed of light , started laughing like a crazy . That was so funny . Maya is a really cute dog and always wants us to play with her . The baby seems to enjoy watching her move like she 's performing a trick at circus . Maya smells him and he is looking at her , trying to figure out what kind of creature is that maybe ? I can 't wait for him to grow and play with Maya . I think they 're gonna be such good friends . I just can 't wait . . . Posted by I have studied a lot these days . A LOT ! ! ! I realised that here , in Greece ( and I 'd really like to know what happens in other countries ) , every doctor says and does whatever he wants . I mean others suggest to introduce solids at 4 months , others at 4 , 5 months , others at 5 etc . I don 't know why and how everyone comes to each conclusion but what I have found so far is : 1 ) Old doctors are very experienced , but they seem to stick to what they 've learnt at the university and they never or rarely keep abreast of new research . That makes them kinda not very breastfeeding friendly2 ) Young doctors are usually nicer and scholastic . They are more breastfeed friendly . I believe that we have to choose our doctors . There must be chemistry between us . . . we must think the same way . If I had the chance I would change a million pediatricians to find the one that fits with my philosophy . Plus I would visit an holistic doctor too . But things are not easy for us at the moment . We don 't have much money and I can 't do that . So , about the food , I choose to follow the american academy of pediatrics , national health organization and LLL advice , so . . . NO SOLIDS BEFORE 6 MONTHS ( or so ) ! I say or so because I 'm planning to let my baby show me the way . I think HE knows best , HE . . . not any best selling book writer and definitely not any milk seller ( aka pediatrician ) ! Thank god I have a great man on my side who supports my decisions . Well , now I have plenty of time to organize and prepare a vegan diet for us ! ! !

Today it was a perfect sunny day ! I woke up really late and I 've been grouchy , cause I didn 't have the time to do all those things I wanted . Anyway , I went for a walk with my baby who was also grouchy for reasons unknown . We went to the playground , did some swinging . . . he was really interested in some wild - running with bicycles - boys . I totally believe he 's going to be a seriously energetic child . We left the playground and walked around the neighborhood . After a while . he have fell asleep and I was full of energy from the sun . Perfect ! We went back home , he continued sleeping and I kept preparing my mother 's birthday cake . Yes , it was her birthday ! The rest of my day was cake preparation - baby stuff - cleaning . Late in the afternoon my friend Daphne visited , brought a gift for the baby and invited as in the masque party at the bar she is working . The weather was unusually good , so we decided to go . My mother have made this great chili pepper costume for the baby and it was the perfect time for him to put it on . At first we went to my mum to extinguish her candle . I made this cake for her . I 've been preparing it since yesterday . It is sooo time consuming , but she totally worth it ! Instead of chocolate shavings on top , I putted mint leaves . That was the best idea ever . . . they tasted amazing . The next time I 'm going to cover the whole cake with mint leaves . We ate the cake and took the way to the masque party with our chili pepper . It was a very warm night and sitting outside was easy . We wouldn 't like our child to be somewhere full of cigarette smoke or diseases . My friend Elpida joined us later . And oh , boy ! After all this time I had some beer ! It was my first night out since I had the baby . . . and I had beer . . . on a bar . . . at night ! Still can 't believe it ! Today , I had an MRI to make sure my Paresis Of Facial Nerve is caused by a virus . I 've never done one before and certainly I wasn 't prepared to have it . Before I have an examination or take medication , I always ask family and friends and do some internet research to get some opinions . But , not today ! I got in the tomography room , this nice gentleman spreaded some paper on a long bed - thing and asked me to lie down . I did , so far so good . He asked me a few questions and then he said I 'd have to stay in there for half an hour . Ok , I thought . . . wait what ? ? ? Half an hour in there ? ? ? He gave me a small balloon shaped thingy to squeeze if I needed something . Ok , I thought . Oh no , who am I kidding ? It 's not ok , I feel trapped . . . I 'm freaking out ! ! ! Wait , focus ! Think positive ! I just breastfed the baby , so he 's not going to need me soon . Yeah , but if something happens to him . . . are the gonna tell me or wait till the examination ends ? Nothing 's gonna happen silly ! What if an earthquake happens ? Are they gonna leave me here ? No earthquake 's gonna happen , relax ! Ok , I 'm fine . . . oh no , why should we be on a basement ? I 'm so scared ! My stomach feels like . . . oh man ! It 's ok . . . everything 's gonna be ok ! I 'm in Peristeri ( that 's where I 've been living for the biggest part of my life ) , my mother and my son are right outside . Nothing 's gonna happen to me . But what if something happens to them . . . I won 't be able to protect them ? ! Listen Krysta . . . THINK POSITIVE . . . ok let 's see . . . my favourite beach , babies , yoga , the sun , lots of books , orange , camping . . . hey that works . . . cooking , dancing , love , pedicure , stars , beer . . . nice . . . good for me . . . I 'm totally relaxed ! Half an hour so , that 's a lot . . . probably only 5 minutes have already passed . Hey , remember positive thinking . . . I won 't even realize when all this time have passed . So , let 's explore this place a bit . I tried to lift my head up . . . not possible . I tried to spread my arm to see how deep my body is to this machine . Every now and then I was feeling the bed moving deeper ( creepy ) . I heard thPosted by After the 3 Reasons Why It 's Good to Have a Baby While You 're Young here comes the ' negative ' side of being a parent at a young age ! 1 ) JealousySometimes I have some lovely friends visiting . That 's something very special for me . It 's the break in my routine . It 's always going great when , as the sun falls bown , they begin to make calls to arrange what will do later . That 's when I realise that their visit here is just the starter and they plan about the main dish in front of me without counting me in ! I feel my stomach burning . Jealousy ! How much I want to go out and have some casual time with them , drink some beer , have a cigarette , talk , laugh , dance . Man I really miss that ! For I moment a strong thought passes through my mind . . . why the hell did I have a baby ? ? ? STOP . . . FOCUS . . . it 's ok ! It 's my decision to breastfeed , use attachment parenting method and other things that makes me not to able to leave my baby with my mother for example and go out and have some fun with friends . It 's my decision to offer him what I consider the best and it happens to be seriously demanding . All I have to do is stick with it and be patient . In two or three years ererything will be way easier for me and guess what I 'll be only 23 . Just - be - patient ( now exhale ) ! 2 ) RepressionWe all know about those grown ups who have an appearance and / or do stuff that are not appropriate for their age . Speaking about appropriate I believe someone can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn 't bother the people around him . So I have no problem about what someone wears , does or says as long as he respects me , my space and my property . But generally it 's nice to be able to do things that suit your age . If someone or something represses you , when you 'll find the chance , you 'll burst ! That doesn 't seem right . . . right ? As for me I hope everything ends up well . I really worry about this sometimes . 3 ) Social EnvironmentI think this is the worst ! Generally I don 't care about what society says . But when you 're pregnant and the first after birth months are a little toPosted by Yesterday I visited a very good doctor . I was diagnosed with paresis of facial nerve . The left side of my face is paralyzed . That means I can 't close my eye properly , I don 't have wrinkles anymore , food and water are trying to escape from my mouth ( my paralysis makes it so easy ) , I can 't smile or talk like before , not even kiss my baby and all of this only on the left side of my face . It 's pretty weird ! At first people think I do it in purpose . . . unfortunately I 'm not ! How it feels to be like quasimodo ? Not good ! But as always I try to be optimistic . I laugh with the peoples ' jokes . . . to be honest it is funny . I even made a gif . . . who does that ? Seems it was more serious than I thought . Well again I was lucky cause if I have left it and not start medication in the first 3 days since the symptoms started I would run the risk of a permanent mark . At least now it will be cured , it 's just takes a lot of time . I hope everything goes well ! I had a weird numbness on the left side of my face the whole day . I had a little trouble eating and drinking and it was a little annoying but it was supportable . Late on the afternoon I was talking on the phone with my mother and when I told her what happens to me , she suggested to see a doctor . And that 's what I did ! At about 8 . 00 pm I went to the first aid centre . I told the pathologist what happens , she did a few tricks with my face and she said : You are young and you 'll be worried . . . you have paresis of facial nerve . . . it 's not my specialty so I can 't give you anything . . . you have to see a neurologist immediately . Go to an overnight hospital . You can cure it with warmness , massages and meds , it 's just takes a lot of time . Don 't worry ! I said I worry cause I have a baby who breastfeeds . She said I should not feed my baby with my milk while I take meds , instead throw it away ( the milk silly , not the baby ) . Damn it ! I went back home . Informed Phillip , breastfed the baby and about 10 . 00 pm we all got in the car and traveled to the hospital . They had a weird system there . When you were getting in the hospital there was a security lady . You had to tell here were you pain and she would diagnosed what doctor you had to see ! ! ! After that you had to take a number and wait for your turn . Every few minutes the same security lady was calling what number that should get into . Anyway , we waited for at least one hour and she never even mentioned about a neurologist . So we went to ask her . Then she asked the other security ( I wonder what she says when people ask her what job she does ) if there are a lot of people in the neurologist 's , he said no , so we got in ( ! ! ! ) . ' In ' was ehm ok . . . a big room separated by curtains , that hided nothing . A chaotic room where all the doctors and patients were one over the other . I waited for a few minutes but they kept bringing people on stretchers . I took a look around me . I saw people bleeding , elderly people insensible / on drugs / having injections . Between them my problem seemed so small . I thoughtPosted by Notice : I 'm not trying to convince anyone to make a baby at a young age . Every person is different . Therefore someone may be mature enough to have a baby at 20 while someone else at 40 . Although I consider myself mature enough for my age , I have to admit that having a baby is not easy at all . So be careful people . Especially you ladies . . . don 't do something that you 'll regret later . Having a baby at a young age has a lot of advantages . 1 . You Are FearlessYoung people do lots of crazy stuff that older ones don 't . I think this is because we ( the young ones ) haven 't seen or heard about too many sad incidents . That makes us feel like we can do everything . When obstacles occur , people realise that they 're not invincible . They become more careful , less impulsive . This usually comes as a person is growing up but it depends on the experiences and the temperament . But how the hell is being fearless helps with having a baby ? Well , many people tell me that I am a very relaxed mama and that they didn 't expect me to handle all the baby thing so good . I think it 's because I don 't worry too much about things like illness , food etc . so I spend my time playing with my baby , going for walks , reading about babies , blogging and other stuff that make me relax . 2 . You Have A Lot Of EnergyI have friends in their thirties and forties that have always been jealous ( in a good way ) of my ability to wake up in the morning , go to work , get back home , do something . . . whatever , then go out , drink drink drink , get back home at 3am , sleep for 3 hours , wake up and do the same . Ok this is not my ability , it 's anyone 's who 's in his twentys . I guess you see why this is helpful when you have a baby that wakes up at 3 am and decides that he wants to play ! 3 . You 'll Have Similar Interests With Your KidI believe we are all aware of the generation gap . Although I have to mention those few old people whith hearts younger than many young people 's hearts . I love those guys ! ! That 's all for me ! I guess you 'd also like to read the negatives about being a young mum ! When things get hard and I feel pressured . . . somehow , something nice gets into my world to make me rethink . I accidentaly read a saying about children today , when I was not very well . I found it so uplifting , that I kept searching for children quotes like that . I have to come back everytime I feel unpleasant . The average child , does things right . The unlimited child , does the right thing . Don 't force square children go through round holes . - G . Koras So valentines day . . . everything seemed to be as usual . I went to my mother to eat lentil soup . I went into to her room to change baby 's diaper and I found this . the dialog went like this . . . me : You got that for dad ? ? ? my mama : No . me : Don 't tell me . . . dad got that for you ? ? ? ! ! ! my mama : No . I got it for my valentine . . . me worried : Who 's your valentine mama ? ? ? my mama : Your son silly ! Phew . . . ! That chocolate egg ! ! ! I watch the news . People with batons . . . people with rocks . The national library in flames . There 's a war out there . I know that 's all about breaking up the anger . But it hurts me now like it never hurted me before . It hurts me cause everything goes from bad to worse like never before . It hurts me cause I have this little man and I see all the innosence of the world in his eyes . One word . . . why ? ? ? Why does he have to live with this situation ? ? ? Our ' ' good ' ' politicians just voted for the new measures . Well it 's easy for them . Thery 're not workers , they 're not pensioners . How the hell are we gonna live like this ? It 's already very hard to survive . And of course I know there are worse . But just like every mama I want the best for my son . I didn 't choose this future for my him . They did . At least I have my conscience clear cause I never voted for them . But I 'm scared . . . I don 't even know if I have the right to be scared . In my arms I hold him and he 's the future of this world . My arms should be strong . . . my heart too . . . so is my soul . I have to keep smiling . Cause I brought him here to offer him an amazing life . That 's what I have to do . . . I don 't know why but I love making lists ! I make lists about everything . From little stuff I have to do during the day , to big plans and dreams . I used to make lists everyday . I couldn 't imagine that I would spend a day without a list . Well ok I didn 't use to make lists when I was on vacation or on those days that you wake up and decide that you 'll do nothing . But in normal days I needed this kind of organisation to make it through . I 'm a person who never says no ( I 'm already working on that ) , so I find myself drinking coffee or walking around with friends instead of sewing this damn skirt I want to sew for about 2 months , all the time . Having some plans written , seems to me more official . Seems like there is something I HAVE TO DO ! Plus if I forget something , my list always reminds me . Recently , I found out that my mother and her sister also love making lists . As I said I used to make lists everyday . Now I don 't even have the time to pee . But when there is my mother or a friend around to keep my baby busy I try to make lists . The last few days I 'm working on a 21 before 21 list . A list of things that I want to do before my 21st birthday . I 'm almost finished whith it so I 'm going to post it soon . That 's all for now . Don 't you love this little dude ? Today , I was at my mom 's . The baby was sleeping , so I thought I could leave him for ten minutes and go over my house to do the laundry . When I came back I found my mom changing baby 's diaper . She told me a great story . A few minutes after I left , Maya ( her dog ) , went close to her and started complaining . She never does such things so my mom did quiet and heard the baby crying ! ! ! It was so sweet that the doggie informed my mother that my son was crying . . . After that , I was holding my little monkey while sitting on the couch . Maya was doing crazy things to make me notice her and play with her . When baby monkey saw this little black / brown creature moving at the speed of light , started laughing like a crazy . That was so funny . Maya is a really cute dog and always wants us to play with her . The baby seems to enjoy watching her move like she 's performing a trick at circus . Maya smells him and he is looking at her , trying to figure out what kind of creature is that maybe ? I can 't wait for him to grow and play with Maya . I think they 're gonna be such good friends . I just can 't wait . . . Posted by I have studied a lot these days . A LOT ! ! ! I realised that here , in Greece ( and I 'd really like to know what happens in other countries ) , every doctor says and does whatever he wants . I mean others suggest to introduce solids at 4 months , others at 4 , 5 months , others at 5 etc . I don 't know why and how everyone comes to each conclusion but what I have found so far is : 1 ) Old doctors are very experienced , but they seem to stick to what they 've learnt at the university and they never or rarely keep abreast of new research . That makes them kinda not very breastfeeding friendly2 ) Young doctors are usually nicer and scholastic . They are more breastfeed friendly . I believe that we have to choose our doctors . There must be chemistry between us . . . we must think the same way . If I had the chance I would change a million pediatricians to find the one that fits with my philosophy . Plus I would visit an holistic doctor too . But things are not easy for us at the moment . We don 't have much money and I can 't do that . So , about the food , I choose to follow the american academy of pediatrics , national health organization and LLL advice , so . . . NO SOLIDS BEFORE 6 MONTHS ( or so ) ! I say or so because I 'm planning to let my baby show me the way . I think HE knows best , HE . . . not any best selling book writer and definitely not any milk seller ( aka pediatrician ) ! Thank god I have a great man on my side who supports my decisions . Well , now I have plenty of time to organize and prepare a vegan diet for us ! ! !

Here are some pics that I took with my new camera today . Excuse my makeup - less face . So far , I really like it ; there are so many features that I 'm eager to try out . It is a fun little camera and already passed my self - portrait test . These are my candle holders from Thailand . I wisely chose the small version of this pic . . . I wanted to spare you all from blotchy skin ! When Hector cleaned out the spare bedroom , we found all sorts of hidden and forgotten items . Mr . Beer : A Christmas gift from M about 8 years ago . This was when the micro brew beers were getting a lot of attention and Hector became pickier about the beer he drank . At the time it was thrown into the closet and forgotten . I 'd see it occasionally while searching for other items in the closet but this time I thought I 'd try making some brew . Hector gave me the go ahead since it 's his gift and I followed the instructions exactly and now it 's busy fermenting in the cupboard until Saturday when we 'll bottle it and let it sit for another 1 - 2 weeks . Altoids poster : A gift from Hector circa 1997 . We were living in Brentwood at the time and I was really into Altoids . The ads were cool but I especially like the one with the robot from Lost in Space holding a tin of Altoids saying Danger ! Hector saw a poster at the bus stop and well , I somehow got it as a gift . : ) It was too big to put up anywhere in our apartment so we rolled it up and put it away . It made the move with us and I found it in the closet just after we were reminiscing about it . I took it to Michaels today and it 'll be in a proper frame and placed in spare bedroom in a few weeks . I still like Altoids but prefer the cinnamon ones while Hector still chooses the peppermints . Arched candleholders from Thailand : a cheap cheesy souvenir from Phuket . Almost a year ago we went to Thailand where I picked up some little things to remember our trip . I picked these out and they were wrapped up in some brown paper and lots of packing tape . I completely forgot about them until Hector asked me what it was . I promptly unwrapped them and put them on a shelf . Yay , it 's fun to find unexpected items . So that 's just a few of treasures I found and there is so much more . I 'll post more when I upload more pictures which reminds me . . . I got a new point and shoot camera ( Canon SD1000 ) . For those who know us and our messy house , things disappear in the " black hole " which is our house . I know Posted by So our annual trip to the OC Fair was Sunday ; this is the time where Kat and I take Tyler to enjoy all the fair goodness . None of us had any lunch so we immediately went on a search for pizza . Kathy knows the fair like the back of her hand but this year those fair gnomes decided to rearrange the food stands so we wandered for a while before finding the pizza stand . I had the hankering for a blooming onion so we shared that too . It was good but would be even better if they used some seasoning salt in the batter . . . a little bland . Then is was on to the rides and games . I saw the water gun game with some Sonic the Hedgehog prizes along with other stuffies . Tyler and Kat got down to business of playing this one and I helped Tyler with his aim . We came really close to winning ( Tyler was second ) but Kat took first place and won ! Amazing and on her first attempt ! ! She chose the stuffed Angels bear ( she loves the Angels ) so she was pretty happy with her prize . Tyler got down to the fun job of picking what rides he wanted to do . He rode down the big rainbow slide , did the house of mirrors ( he avoided running into the glass this year ) , flew the ' Superman ' ride , went in the Funhouse ( twice ) and finally he & I rode the Ferris wheel . All of our tickets were spent so it was back to games . We found another water shooting game and with a little help from me , Tyler won his first prize ! He chose the stuffed penguin and he won at seat # 7 ( his age ) so he was very excited . I usually love playing the ping pong ball game where you toss them at floating dishes but the prizes were so lame that I didn 't bother playing it . I didn 't want any weird Spiderman dolls or Strawberry Shortcake dolls but maybe this year they will have better prizes . I decided to have us all play the first water game again to maybe we could win a stuffed Sonic for Joshua . It was the 3 of us playing then another woman joined in and of course , she won . Boo ! Kat bought Josh a bubble blowing gun so he 'll be happy with that . It was time for another snack so Tyler chose a bDebbie aka Cheesegirl Tyler 's baseball game went pretty good on Saturday . Tyler got a base hit and he 's starting to realize the power he has to really smack that ball . We 're going to work on that more so he can gain more confidence . Hector was hard at work this weekend getting the spare bedroom ready . He and Tyler put the bookshelves and CD cases together . Today we assembled the futon frame and put the futon in its cover . Overall the room is coming together . . . I really wanted to paint and put new carpet in but we can do that later . It will be a nice room for the kids to play their PS2 games and when we have guests . Our busy summer schedule is winding a down a bit . Today Josh finished his summer school and Tyler is done with soccer camp . Those are the major activities completed so we can mostly relax now while continuing with baseball and swimming . This weekend will be busy . . . Saturday baseball game and we will be cleaning up the spare bedroom for guests next week . On Sunday I 'll be taking Tyler to meet up with Kat at the OC Fair . There will be lots of games to be played , prizes to win and lots of food to eat ! Posted by that all those digital photos you collect on your computer will only last about 10 years ? Even saving them on DVD or disc will slowly deteriorate and you 'll need to update them as technology changes . Even old fashion photo negatives will last " forever " according to the show Its ' All Geek To Me so that 's just what I want to hear . They showed a scanner that can scan old film negatives and convert them into digital photos . . . pretty cool . that I got a new video game for my Nintendo DS called Cooking Mama . There are several recipes and you try your hand at slicing , stirring and measuring etc . I had to try the boiling rice portion several times before I could finish the task before time was up . And I was just trying to measure the rice and add water ! It 's lots of fun though . . . I 'm eager to try some new recipes once I 'm a pro at boiling rice ! Some of Nintendo 's games sound pretty cheesy and lame but they are so much fun . Also try Brain Age to exercise your brain and keep it lively . Tyler likes it and he also learns without even knowing it . Here is M 's super cool new car ! It 's wicked fast and lots of fun . It was kind of hard to get into since it 's really low and you have to avoid touching those hot pipes . M is having a great time breaking his new baby in and hopefully he can stay outta trouble ! We started this week with a whirlwind of activities . Tyler has soccer camp from 9am to noon this week , started swimming class 2 days per week along with his baseball practice and game and today is only Tuesday ! To complicate matters , I bought the final Harry Potter book Sunday night and try to squeeze in reading time . Luckily , I 'm a fast reader and finished the book this afternoon . Excellent ending . . . . that 's all I say about it . We 're also on ' relative watch ' this week which has been dragging into its 3rd week . It 's a long story and those who are in the loop know the situation but let 's just say , we 're still waiting for them to arrive . It 's quite exhausting and I 'm grateful to be an only child ! Our friend also finally received his car ( baby ) . . . it is a Shelby Cobra replicar that is just gorgeous . I got a quick spin and it was scary / dangerous how fast and powerful this car is but also such fun . I can easily see myself getting whiplash riding around in this car just from the extreme acceleration since it doesn 't have headrests ! Okay , more later because we now have to head to baseball practice . Last night , Tyler runs up to me when he was supposed to be sleeping and say , " My tooth came out ! " I mean how many teeth can this boy lose in 3 weeks ? I think it is been about 1 tooth per week for the last 3 weeks . Okay , I think this will be it for a while . . . Tyler is raking in the dough . He also won 't be able to bite anything until these new teeth start coming in . Tyler was a drooly kid growing up and for now he 's learning to keep liquids in his mouth all over again . : ) Tyler started his summer baseball program last week so there are 7 more weeks left . The program is casual with an emphasis on fun so hopefully they can avoid the fanatical parents . Tyler is probably the biggest kid on his team so we worked on improving his basic skills like throwing , hitting and fielding . He is getting better on the sportsmanship and teamwork aspect of the game . We have his game at 12 : 30pm and we 're hoping that it won 't be too hot . Hector is at work today so he won 't be able to help this time but I 'll be there trying to take some good action shots . Last night I tried to go to sleep early ( around 10 : 30pm ) when I hear footsteps running up the stairs and then Tyler bursts into the bedroom . " Mom , my tooth came out ! " " Oh , wow . I thought you were asleep by now . " " Well , my eyes were closed . . . . but my tooth was twisting around in my mouth so I pulled it out ! Can I have a plastic bag so I can put the tooth under my pillow ? " Oy , I hope this time " the tooth fairy " has something smaller than a $ 20 bill for this tooth . I tell Hector to put something under the pillow before going back to sleep . Tyler informs me that he received $ 10 for the tooth and is just as excited ( he has no real concept of $ $ ) . Posted by It 's random music day . . . put your iPod or MP3 player on shuffle / random and list the 1st 10 songs . You can 't change or skip any of the songs . . . . you can see what I have on my iPod . So here goes : With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles : Sgt . Pepper 's Lonely Hearts Club BandI Want Candy - Bow Wow Wow : Romy and Michele 's High School Reunion soundtrackLove 's Divine - Seal : Grammy Nominees 2005Homicide - 999 : Punk University Vol . 1Best Thing In Town - Green Day : KerplunkOnly The Lonely - The Motels : Modern Rock - The Cool 80 's ( Keep Feeling ) Fascination - Human League : Just Can 't Get Enough : New Wave Hits of the 80 's Vol . 10Sexy M . F . - Prince : The Hits / The B - SidesPositive Role Model - Pet Shop Boys : Disco 3Marry Me - No Doubt : Return Of SaturnOkay so I like complilation CDs and The Beatles are here because my friend Kat uploaded all her favorite Beatles songs onto itunes . I just like to tease her about her love for The Beatles when the songs come on . On Tuesday night Hector and I went to the OC Fair to see Psychedelic Furs , ABC and The Fixx . For some reason , ABC had to drop out of the tour so The Alarm stepped in . The Alarm opened the show and I managed to shoot some pics with my super long lens until I got caught by security so I had to put the camera away . Hector is usually the troublemaker so he teased me about causing minor mayhem . Whatever . . . anyway the show was really entertaining and Psych Furs played all their hits which really had the crowd jumping . It was fun to see all the 40 - somethings rocking out to these 80 's British bands . The tour was called Rocking The Colonies 2007 . After the show we were hungry and had every possible food available to man at the fair . I had roasted corn on the cob while Hector had a gyro . I was still hungry so I ordered some onion rings that were huge ! ! I could only eat 2 rings before the greasiness got to me which was probably the equivalent of 6 regular size rings . I 'm looking forward to bringing Tyler back to the fair with Kat so we can take in some rides and attractions . After my last attempt at haircutting , I was banned from cutting Tyler 's hair . Joshua is another story because he will not let someone cut his hair . . . well , not without lots of screaming and squirming . In the past I cut his hair while he was asleep and sometimes he would let me cut his hair but it 's always a struggle . So Hector found the hair clippers and Josh let me cut his hair ! This time I used the 1 / 2 inch guide and just did his whole head this way . Boy , we had a nice pile of hair on the carpet . So at least this attempt was successfull and Josh seems to like his new do ' . I called the tour operator about the vacation we were interested in and after finding out the ages of my children ( 4 and 7 years old ) , she said that they didn 't allow children under 9 years old . Huh ? I never encountered this before . . . I didn 't think of their ages as an issue . Oh well , now I 'm focusing my attention on Europe ( leaning towards Paris ) . . . the deals are plenty especially starting in the fall months . Plus I think the kids will love Paris with the Eiffel Tower and Metro . I 've been vacillating among several places to go for our next vacation . My original choices were Italy , then Buenos Aires and Paris entered the picture and then Hector suggested Canada . These are all very good places but like usual I let Budget Travel guide my final decisions . I read the Real Deals section which feature their 40 top picks and let the packages ' speak ' to me . This happened to me last year when the Phuket and Singapore trip caught my eye and BANG ! that 's where we went . So it 's happened again this issue because we want to go somewhere in October so I need to narrow this down . Then I have to get Hector time off work so I am essentially the travel planner at every level . When I get the official " greenlight ' , I 'll keep my mouth shut for now but it 's a great deal that I don 't think I want to pass up . Oy , I just got back from a trip to Carlsbad ( about 80 - 90 miles from LA ) where Kat , Fran and I did some major shopping at the outlet stores there . It was so much fun ! We arrived at 10 : 45 am and snagged a great parking spot ( for when we needed to unload all our shopping bags ) ! The first stop was the Dooney store where Kat and Fran bought 2 purses each . The purses were so cute and even marked down more so also a great bargain . I had to stop by the Coach store while Kat and Fran moved their personal stuff into their new purses . We had lunch at Ruby 's then more shopping ! By the time we finished , I had 2 pairs for shoes and some underwear for me and Tyler . We had a great time ! My day wasn 't over yet . . . later it was drive - in time ! We went to see Ratatouille with Pirates 3 . Of course the kids could only last thru their movie and didn 't want to stay any longer . When I tried to start the car , it wouldn 't turn on ! AARGH , the battery died . Good thing our friends Roger and Laura went in their truck so we borrowed some jumper cables from the snack bar ( apparently this happens quite often ) and jumped started the car . So that was my very busy Saturday . I finished this hat super quick . . . I really love the chunky yarn with all the reds and black . I 'm gonna have to keep this one for myself . . . too bad it doesn 't get very cold here in SoCal . Well , I 'll always look ultra cute with my various hats . Well , wadda ya know . . . I do look cute in this hat ! : ) It reminds me of when I was a kid and had really long hair so my mom always had my hair braided to keep it out of my way . I just noticed that my most recent blog posting has the wrong date . Hump Day was about my Wedensday but had July 11 as the posting date ( I posted it this morning 7 - 12 ) . Oh well , hopefully it 'll correct soon . * * Nope , it 's fixed now . Okay , it 's a slow day so I 'm gonna copy something that I saw on another person 's blog ( sorry I can 't remember who it is ) . You put your iPod or other MP3 player on random and list the 10 songs that come up . You can 't cheat or change the list ( like omitting your guilty pleasures or cheesy songs ) . So here goes . . . ( Ghost ) Riders in the Sky by Johnny Cash . 16 Biggest HitsMiserablism ( Moby Electro Mix ) by Pet Shop Boys . PopartRing of Fire by Johnny Cash . 16 Biggest HitsToo Marvelous for Words by Frank Sinatra . Songs for Swingin LoversI Guess You 're Right by The Posies . Every Kind of LightI Don 't Know What You Want . . . by Pet Shop Boys . PopartBizzi 's Party ( Booker T . Vocal Lick ) by Bizzi . Groove Radio Presents : Speed GarageWorking Class Hero by Green Day . Working Class HeroYour Joy by Chrisette Michele . Your JoyGlamorous Glue by Morrissey . Beethoven was Deaf Yesterday was such a busy day . Poor Hector was on call overnight and didn 't get any sleep that night so after Josh went to school , I took Tyler to the mall to see Ratatouille which was really cute and funny . Tyler is especially excited to the new Mr Bean movie coming out soon too . My mom has a lot of the old Mr Bean episodes and they are extremely funny . We came back home at 2 pm so I fed Tyler lunch because he had baseball practice at 3 pm . I had a dentist appointment at 3 pm too so it was nice that Hector was up to take Tyler to practice . My teeth cleaning went fine . . the hygenist was very thorough . Tyler 's baseball practice went well although Tyler becomes one of the clowns with his friend G . . . oh well , their first game is this Saturday ! Eh , the whole league is just for fun and in Tyler 's group they don 't keep score . Joshua came home at 4 ; 15pm and used the potty again ! Yay ! Then I 'm off to take Tyler to swim class at 5 pm . This is the last class of the session before the next session starts in a couple of weeks . Meanwhile Hector has been slowly going through our spare bedroom which has become the catch - all ( junk ) room . He has been going through everything , deciding what to save , throw away or give away . We can actually see the floor again ! What a great guy . . . I can 't organize myself to do all that . After such a busy day , we went to King Taco for dinner . Oh , so good ! The kids and I have our usual lengua ( beef tongue ) sopes and horchata . Ahhh , that hit the spot . . . somehow I forgot to have breakfast or lunch with only some popcorn at the movie . To top off the day , during the kids ' bath & acoording to Tyler , Josh got out of the bathtub and went potty in the toilet . Double yay ! ! Okay , here is my first purse that I finished knitting but was delayed because I had to stain the dowels and buy ribbon . Now it 's complete and it came out nice . This is also my first experience with cables which was a success . I love the colors in this yarn of various purples with some dashes of peacock blue and pale green . I went through several ideas to find the right project for this yarn and finally decided on a purse . I need to start my list of Christmas projects and start knitting again . Hopefully my wrists can handle all the work I have planned . I finished a purse and had to improvise a little but overall , I 'm pleased with it . I probably should have used a lighter color ribbon instead of chocolate brown but oh well , it was my first try . The ribbon ruching was more difficult than I thought . . . I lost count of how many times I stuck my finger . Ouch . The pattern I loosely based my purse on said I needed 1 yard of ribbon . The ribbon I bought was 9 feet long and I used every bit of it . Ugh . So I can already tell that I 'll need to visit Joann 's tomorrow to buy ribbon for my other purse . Bah ! After procrastinating with Josh 's potty - training . . . I buckled down and really worked with Josh this week . When Josh got up in the morning , I 'd sit him down on the potty for several minutes and repeat every 2 hours . He doesn 't enjoy sitting on the regular toilet ( maybe a fear of falling in ) so I dug out the Baby Bjorn toilet which is just a pot that a very small toddler can sit on . When Josh came home from school , I had him sit on it and he didn 't protest . I gave him a Gameboy and some M & M 's to give him incentive to stay put and after 10 minutes , Josh stood up and said , " All done . " I figured that was enough time for one sitting but I looked in and he went potty ! Yay . . . time to celebrate so Josh had some chocolate ice cream ! It 's a small step but we 're slowly getting there . Tyler pulled out his tooth tonight . . . one of the front ones so he will have that goofy toothless look that kids his age get . You know where their adult teeth are way too big for their head . Those front baby teeth have cavities so we 're really stressing how important it is to take proper care of your teeth . I 'm so happy that the weekend is here ! We are free ( schedule - wise ) for now and it 's really nice . Hector and I actually got to sleep in uninterrupted until 9 : 30 am today ! It 's a miracle ! I could have slept in more if the phone hadn 't rung with our friend Dan calling to ask if we were at Disneyland yesterday . Huh , how did he know that ? Well , Dan called Hector 's cell phone this morning and some guy answered , " Disneyland Lost & Found " . Well , we were really at California Adventure last night and Hector lost his phone running around at Bear Creek ( ? ) the wilderness jungle gym for kids . Ha , we didn 't know he lost it ! So Hector is riding back there right now to get his phone . At least we don 't live too far . . . it 's 30 minutes with good karma . It was a chance for us to get out and my mom to hang out with us for a bit . We didn 't ride anything . . . we let the kids run around then it was time to wait for the Electrical Light Parade . Then after the parade is finished . . . California Adventure closes ( 9pm ) so everyone filters out and tries to see the fireworks show at 9 : 25pm . I wanted to leave before the craziness starts after the fireworks so we made our way back to the tram . It worked . . . we could see some of the fireworks in line and then we drove home . It was fun and I took lots of pics of the kids playing in the letters that spell CALIFORNIA just outside the entrance . Our July 4th celebration started off low key with us doing basically nothing while Hector had to work for 5 hours . Well , I did manage to clean the kitchen so that was good . He - man & She - ra invited themselves over which was fine . I made it clear that I wasn 't doing anything special for dinner , if they wanted to bring something that was fine . Hector ended buying lots of kalbi ribs to grill and I made sticky rice . Oh and I also made some finger jello . . . who doesn 't like jello ? After dinner , we packed up the kids and headed on out to our local park to watch the fireworks display ( which is about 1 mile away ) . We let the kids run around and play on the playground equipment until dark until the show starts . It 's a good thing I packed some popcorn and other snacks to keep them occupied ; also I ran into our neighbor Laura who gave us some yummy poundcake with strawberries & blueberries . The fireworks were cool to watch but nothing spectacular . The real fun was today . Since Hector had the day off I thought that we could take the kids back to Soak City and also invite He - man & his wards . Last time the little girl was being so bad that they had to decline the invite . So we were already to go . . . that is until 7 : 30am He - man calls to say the baby boy was up all night teething & crying so neither of them got any sleep . So they had to cancel again . . . bummer . Remember when I took the kids last week to Soak City and everything was a breeze ? Well , this time was the opposite . There were about 6 day camps this time and we started off the morning waiting 30 minutes in line to buy tickets . We decided to get the season passes but you can only buy them at Knott 's Berry Farm ( across the street ) so we bought day passes which we later credited to the season passes . So if you ever plan on going to a water park , check to see if you can buy tickets online which will save you lots of time . With all the extra people there , I couldn 't find any loungers under the canopies and the cabanas were all rented out but I found a couple under partial shade so tDebbie aka Cheesegirl Ok , my music transferred okay but I had all my old music in a folder which was about 10 gigs of stuff and since it didn 't appear to be needed , I deleted it . Yep . . . . BIG MISTAKE ! Now my music won 't play in itunes although my iPod stuff is still intact . I think I need to delete my itunes library and reload everything . I 'm gonna have to do some serious research and see what damage control I can do . Earlier this evening I tried to fix my problems and ended up creating more headaches for myself . I can 't even remember what I did . . . I just know that I deleted the bad copies of music from my itunes library ( over 3000 songs ) . I agonized over the idea for a while then went ahead because itunes couldn 't play the songs anyway . I downloaded the Music Rescue program and that was fine . I hooked up my 80 gig iPod which started asking me question about transferring music . It gave me the choice to transfer or don 't transfer . . . . last time I transferred the results brought me to where I am now ( really deleting my original itunes files did me in ) so I chose Don 't transfer and lame itunes proceeded to sync my iPod and basically deleted my music in the iPod . I thought I was going to cry ! After worrying about all my music disappearing , I remembered that I have another 20 gig iPod that I use upstairs that has practically all the latest music . This time I set it to enable disk use and manually manage the songs and went through the whole process again . This time it worked although copying 3400 songs takes up a lot of time then it puts the music into itunes . Now for the final test . . . . I set up my playlists which took another hour or so and hooked up the 80 gig iPod . Now the dang thing has to sync then load all the songs back on . It 's 10 : 20pm . . . I went and downloaded a program that will transfer your iPod music to your computer . Under normal circumstances I think the process would have been quick and painless but because we 're talking about my seriously messed up itunes , the process has taken about 5 hours . That 's because of one false start where Debbie aka Cheesegirl Here are the pictures from Soak City . . . Joshua absolutely loved the wave pool . He hung on to his innertube and rode the waves like a pro . It was great to be in water especially when the day was sunny and the park uncrowded . This week got hotter so I 'm glad we went last week otherwise I might not have lasted as long as I did . Here is the Beach House just as the bucket is pouring 100 's of gallon of water . Don 't go in if you don 't want to get wet ! I 'm trying to plan another day ASAP ! Have you ever had to transfer your music on your iPod to a new computer ? I 've done it a couple of years ago and it takes a couple of hours but it can be done . I upgraded to an 80 gig video iPod around Christmas time then a few months later got a new laptop . I was planning to transfer my music the way I had done previously but Hector found a thingy called The Tornado which basically hooks up to 2 computers via USB and you drag and drop files etc you want and whooooosh , it transfers to the new computer . Of course both computers must have the same programs but The Tornado worked like a charm on my photo files . The big question was how it would work with itunes ? Hector managed to figure out a way ( don 't ask me because I still don 't know ) that transferred my music . He also saved all my music in a folder in case any music got left behind . So far so good but I have to make new playlists which is such a pain but I wanted to change them anyways . I had a lot of music to transfer about 3400 songs and only 3000 made the long journey to the new computer . Argh ! Now I had to figure out what I was missing and compare to my old files . I know this starting to get a lot more complicated . . . plus I haven 't synced my iPod to the new computer out of fear that my music would be erased forever ! Today though I made the plunge and synced the iPod . It asked me if I wanted to erase and sync my iPod . . . . okay , kinda scary since all my entire music is on it but I click okay . Then it asks me that there are songs on my iPod that are not in my library ( I 'm assuming my missing music ) and do I want to add them to my library ? YES ! So as I type , the computer is loading all my music which hopefully is my entire catalog . Keep your fingers crossed . Posted by Our second party of the weekend was today at Cindy 's house in Palos Verdes . It is a hoity - toity area which consists of a ' rural ' country area with horse property and the ocean area with gorgeous views depending on which direction you 're facing . I love Cindy 's house although it is very large , the ocean view is to die for . She won 't have to worry about other homes in front although there is that off chance that a very strong earthquake could send the house into the ocean . Compared to yesterday 's party , this one was fairly lame . The kids don 't care but this water slide was much smaller than the one from yesterday . Cindy said the guy didn 't ask how large her yard is or maybe he only had one size . This one would have fit in our yard easily . Oh well , Tyler jumped right in but there were about 12 kids his age fighting over the slide . After a while it got ugly when a kid sitting at the top of the stairs placed his feet on Tyler 's chest as he climbed up and shoved him down the stairs . OMG . . . . I was on the balcony at the time so I witnessed the whole thing so I yelled down to Hector to get on this kid . Tyler started screaming & crying and I ripped into that kid who had some nerve to appear nonchalant about the whole incident . If Tyler had done that to some other kid I would have reacted the same because I want my child to have actual manners and common sense . That 's a major reason why Hector and I chose Torrance to live instead of PV because those kids are major brats who have no sense of responsibility . Those boys were rude to Tyler because they didn 't know him . I know a lot of their behavior is normal boy rowdiness but I can see how they 'll turn out later if they don 't have boundaries . Anyway , Tyler was fine and luckily no other kids were at the bottom of the stairs when he fell otherwise there would be a lot more kids crying . This party just reconfirmed our right decision to live where we do ! Hector pointed out the difference between the 2 parties . The 1st one was geared equally to adults and children . It had lots of food , Posted by

Ever think about your best friend and think about how you met ? The strange interactions that led you to trusting that person enough to share with them your deepest fears , joys , secrets , vulnerabilities , and the other things you can 't talk about with just anyone ? When I met my childhood best friends eighteen years ago , our first communication was an exchange of insults . September 2013 is when I like think my Twitter account was " really born . " I 've actually had it since 2011 but never could quite grasp the concept or see its necessity in my life . While struggling with how hashtags worked and what the " @ " meant , I followed a bunch of people who I believed had interests similar to my own ( or , at the very least , shared one interest with me ) . Roger Federer had lost in the 4th Round of the US Open ( darn you , Tommy Robredo ) and Rafael Nadal ended up winning the tournament that September over Novak Djokovic in the final ( still wondering how that happened ) . What that meant for me was the beginning of a small period of time when I didn 't want to look at or talk about tennis . So I pursued one of my other passions on social media ; BlackBerry . Trying to , in a sense , " establish myself , " on Twitter , I followed a ton of BlackBerry users and employees and got over the shyness of tweeting " at " someone rather quickly . It was during this period of Twitter nascence that I stumbled across a discussion about virtual keyboards and haptic feedback or speakers or something about a BlackBerry device . It was between a man ( whom I had recognized from other BlackBerry communities ) and a girl I had never seen before . I assume I had some kind of an opinion because I responded . I clicked on her profile . She was very clearly someone who 's passion for BlackBerry far exceeded my own and someone who was quite recognizable and outspoken in the BlackBerry community . If my goal was to build a foundation of users based on my passion for BlackBerry , she was someone I had to follow . So I followed her . She was just another BlackBerry user . Nothing more . But she was probably the first BlackBerry user I followed that was close to me in age ( it appeared , anyway ) , so I found her slightly more relatable than the rest . Reflecting back , I don 't remember how many times I responded to BlackBerry - related tweets from Lauren . Her tweets were always so amusing and so full of excitement . Her obsession with cars became equally as apparent as her passion for BlackBerry and technology in general . But she was still , very much , a normal 21 - year - old college girl . One particular interaction about the movie Bridesmaids comes to mind , particuarly because I responded and was compelled to promise Lauren I 'd watch the movie ( which I did end up doing ) . We quite clearly had many exchanges over that autumn and winter . By February and March , I 'd say she was my most frequent Twitter mention . There was seldom a day when we didn 't interact with each others ' tweets . By mid - March , the 140 character restraint Twitter imposes on its communications felt far too cramped for what felt like a burgeoning friendship , and one that could work . I sent her my BBM PIN on direct message through Twitter and we finally could talk in private with messages of any length . She was the same on BBM as she was on Twitter ; funny , bubbly , easily excitable , and very , very friendly . Lauren was one of the primary reasons I decided to upgrade my Z10 to a Z30 when I did and she was also the one who celebrated with me the most over Twitter and BBM . It was then I really began to feel like we were friends . Over the next few months we exchanged BBMs and had a few conversations here and there . Over Twitter , thanks to my big mouth , I inadvertantly promised her an Audi R8 for her birthday ( which is a the end of May ) . As someone who takes promises very , very seriously , I did what most poor college students do when they can 't afford something ; I improvised . I sent her a model R8 and a birthday and made absolutely certain it would arrive on her day . The idea of sending a gift to a girl I 'd known only online was a bit strange , but her reaction justified it instantly . I 'd do it again . The following months that consisted of my summer almost exclusively belonged to Lauren . It started with a discussion about an episode of MTV 's Catfish : The TV Show and our relationship really took off from there . I wasn 't a particular fan of the series but I looked forward to our " Catfish Wednesday " where we 'd both watch the newest episode together , but apart . Catfish was only one of the many shows we watched over the summer . If you follow Lauren , then you 're very well aware of her fondness for Netflix . The next three months was The craziness of watching anything with Laurenfilled with shows like House of Cards , Orange is the New Black , Wilfred , amongst others . One night Lauren came home after watching the movie The Fault in Our Stars and told me how much of a fantastic book and film it is . I ordered the book instantly and finished it just a few days later . I should say that none of the above television shows or books are in my usual scope of things I enjoy watching . I don 't really like reality TV ( though us watching a show like Catfish is really quite poetic ) or comedies like OitNB . I 'm much more into heavy stories , psychologial shows , cyberpunk , and science fiction . But I was changing as a person . I was becoming more open - minded about what I chose to watch and , let 's face it , I took any excuse I could to talk to Lauren . Anything at all . That 's how much I enjoyed our time " together . " Our relationship was changing , too . Whereas prior to the summer we just casually talked every once in a while about BlackBerry or something we saw on Twitter , we began to talk more about what we were watching , our lives , day - to - day things , and outlying acitivities . If something happened , Lauren would be the first person I 'd tell about it . It was quickly becoming the case that she 'd be the person I 'd talk to after waking up and the last person I 'd say " goodnight " to at night . She was the only one of my friends with whom I could talk to over the course of an entire day . My friendship with her was different than any of my others , despite being much shorter than most . The day we had our first video chat was significant in that it was an otherwise miserble day for me . Earlier that same day I had received my first speeding ticket and just talking to her salvaged my entire day . Actually , it did more than simply " salvage " it ; it turned it almost completely on its head . That 's what a friend is supposed to do . As the summer grew to a close , I was sad that the whirlwind of an incoming semester was going to really limit the amount of time I can spend talking to my friends and what I can do for my own pleasure . Still , we maintained a fantastic relationship . However , it was quickly approaching the point to where phone calls , photos , video chats ; these mediums were not enough . I had come to the point where I really , really wanted to meet her . I wanted to meet Lauren . But I needed an excuse . My excuse came in the form of a trip to Louisiana . My dad ( who lives in Louisiana ) didn 't seem as though he 'd make it home for Christmas . So I decided to take a trip to the warm South just after Christmas . I 'd bifurcate the trip so that the first half would be in Louisiana and the second half would be in Wisconsin . I though I had a foolproof plan . When I asked Lauren whether it was even a good idea to meet , to my surprise and relief , she not only loved the idea , but really couldn 't wait for the day to arrive . I had honestly thought she 'd shy away from the idea ; that I was much too boring of a person worth her meeting , let alone stay in her house for four days . But she was excited and that really helped me in my determination to make it work . We had actually joked about one of us visiting the other over the summer , but it just seemed to be one of those things you only envision actually doing . Never did I imagine it may become my reality . I had dreams of it . I was on the cusp of fulfilling it . Explaining it to my parents was a battle I was dreading to have to fight . My sister and mom knew who Lauren was , but neither was convinced I knew her well enough to actually go see her . When I told my mom , she panicked . For her , this was a new leap on so many levels . Keep in mind that my parents grew up in India and my mom has really only been in the United States for about two years longer than me . Her reservations are fueled by cultural and , to a very real extent , practical concerns . For one , this was the first time I was going to be traveling to see someone not in my family . Moreover , no one but me acutally knew Lauren . Secondly , I was going to see a girl ( a white girl , at that ) . This sounded off so many cultural alarms . Her concern instantly turned to who else would know . I had no intention of keeping my trip a secret , and why should I ? I was proud of Lauren ; proud of who she is and proud that I can call her my friend . Up until the day I left my mom kept trying to sway me away , if not from the trip then from the idea of staying with her in her apartment . But I couldn 't . I didn 't bother explaining Lauren to my father . As traditional as my mother is , my father is ten times as worse . There 's nothing wrong with being traditional , but when it errs on the side of unreasonable , my explanation seemed as it would fall on deaf ears . So I lied and told him Lauren was actually a male friend whom I had met in university and transferred to the University of Wisconsin . Yes , it was wrong to lie , and I felt even worse telling Lauren that I had to lie about who she is just so I could go see her . I never really gained full approval from my mother , but I didn 't have time to wait on her either . So I bought my tickets for New Orleans and Minneapolis . The dream to see Lauren one day was no longer a dream ; it was a reality in the making . Turned out to be a longer 93 days than either of us had envisioned . Over the course of that period , the both of us had switched platforms ; BlackBerry 10 to iOS . Had this been any other relationship this change would 've been so trivial it wouldn 't have even been worth mentioning . But the only reason Lauren and I knew each other was because of our mutual passion for BlackBerry . Ironically by the time we 'd meet , neither of us would be on the platform that brought us together . As our BBMs became texts and then iMessages , we grew even closer over those 93 days . As the semester became more stressful it felt like Lauren was a constant stream of support , and I was one for her ( I hope , anyway ) . It felt great . There were many instances where , despite the fact that we had never met , it felt like she was more than just a friend . I never told her that , of course , but it did . Before our meeting , I did a bit of research into others who had met their online friends for the first time and what the experience was like . While I was beyond excited to finally meet her , I was also very , very afraid . Many aspects of this trip scared me . For one , Lauren loves to drink and even works at a brewery . I don 't drink alcohol at all . I worried it would make her feel strange drinking around me . I worried that maybe we wouldn 't actually like each other in person , at least not as much as we did over text . Finally , I was concerned that our friendship wouldn 't survive the meeting . There 's something special about having a friend you 've never met . A certain secrecy surrounds them . Would we lose that which made our relationship unique ? I had so many doubts . I carried them all the way to New Orleans and Minneapolis . The excitement of meeting Lauren kept me awake on several occasions far longer than I would have liked . I was okay with that . Seeing the countdown tweets decrement each day reminded me how close I was to living a dream . I only hoped that it was a dream for Lauren , too . Before long , January 8 arrived . I spent more time that morning getting ready to travel than I had on any previous morning in recent memory . I had to look my best . I was meeting the girl to whom I had given the better part of the last year . Our meeting was delayed about four hours because of brutal weather conditions in Chicago and Minneapolis . It didn 't do much to calm my nerves . After all , as much as I knew Lauren , I was still meeting her for the first time . It 's a strange dynamic . The delay felt painful , as if some higher power was trying to drag this out as long as possible . The taxi to the runway felt like it took forever . But I was soon on my way to Minneapolis ; to Lauren . Landing in Minneapolis and just walking out of the gate was an event in itself . For the first time , we were in the same place , separated by just yards and feet . Admittedly , I tried to prolong the meeting myself by going to baggage claim first and then finding Lauren . But this poor girl had waited far longer than she should have . I had to find her , and find her I did . The tall , beautiful blonde - haired girl with gorgeous blue eyes and an even prettier smile . I found her . I embraced her and I really didn 't want to let go . I finally had my Lauren . All the initial awkwardness I was warned about didn 't exist between us . It was like old friends meeting for yet another time . That night we went out shopping for a bit , had dinner , and made the hour trip home . There were so many instances during which I just looked at Lauren in disbelief . I couldn 't believe it was really her walking next to me , sitting next to me , talking to me . There were times when I couldn 't believe I was sitting in her beloved galactic blue Jetta ( which is quite a stunning car , really ) . Surreal is the only word I can use to describe what I felt over the four short days together . The organizer Lauren and her team designed for her class . She had one made for me with my initials engraved . On top , a pamphlet from the Leinenkugel brewery where she works . While together , we watched quite a bit of Netflix . Something as simple as sitting on the same couch in the same room and watching the same thing together was significant in itself . We had watched so much apart so this was something I had truly relished . Before going to Wisconsin , many of my friends remarked that there was " nothing to see there . " I truly enjoyed myself . From the Leinenkugel brewery ( where Lauren works ) to the snow - covered plains and small , far away towns , Wisconsin has an identity of its own . For someone from the hustle and bustle of southeastern Pennsylvania who 's grown up in and is used to life in the city of Philadelphia , Wisconsin was welcome change . Everyone seemed kinder and more personable . The towns with their French or Native American names seemed further apart and quaint . It was hard to believe that I was even still in the same country . But I would go back to Wisconsin again , and just because Lauren lives there , but because it truly is a beautiful place . I knew that Sunday was going to come quickly and it did . It 's always difficult saying " goodbye " to a loved one but it 's even more difficult when you don 't know if or when you 'll see the other person again . It was a tough morning . Lauren and I are very different people . She 's very much a typical American girl as much as she is different . She 's from a quaint town in Wisconsin and has lived a fairly normal life . I 'm the son of immigrants from India and grew up in the metro area that is Philadelphia . She 's a fan of Aaron Rodgers . I 'm a fan of Roger Federer . She loves comedies and reality TV . I love fiction , adventure , fantasy , and science fiction . Lauren 's car is her pride , her obsession . She spends hours tweaking it , cleaning it , and making it , well , whatever you make cars . I spend hours perfecting my serve , getting the toss right , the speed right , making sure no one can tell where that ball 's going to land . Lauren and I represent two different but equal sides of America . It was a mutual passion for BlackBerry that brought us together and , even though neither of us used a BlackBerry when we met , our relationship evolved past our mutual interest through a medium still When I reflect back to what Lauren initially started out to me , it amazes me that we 've become as close as we have . If someone had told me just six months I ago that I 'd actually go to Wisconsin to see her , I 'd have doubted them to no end . But even then , the signs were there . I changed because of Lauren . I became open to things , media , ideas , relationships I had been so closed off to before I knew her . She changed me . I had never worked harder for any relationship in my life before I met her . She 's made me a better person . She 's made me want to become a better me . That 's when you know you really care about someone . A lot of you already know Lauren . If you 've never met her , she is one of the happiest people you can meet . It 's not a false happiness , either . She exudes a general content with life . She 's the kind of person you want to take with you everywhere you go because she can find fun in even the most mundane activities . Life is just more fun and enjoyable with Lauren . She 's also much , much prettier in person . She 's gorgeous in her photos , but they don 't do her complete justice . What stuck me though was how memorable her laugh was . I 'd heard her laugh so many times on the phone , but hearing her laugh in person is so different . When she laughs , you want to laugh with her . It 's so genuine . I 've learned so much , from Lauren , from going to see her , from even just talking to her . She is one of my closest friends and she means more to me than most people know , including her . I am forever grateful to her for all she did for me over those four short days , including just allowing me to go see her . Life 's different now that there 's no countdown to look ahead to completing , but I do hope that one day I see her again and I cannot wait until that day arrives . I 'm so glad of all the friends I 've made through Twitter and BBM , this is the one that 's grown the most and the one I took a leap on . I would jump on the opportunity to do a trip to Wisconsin again . There are times when I wonder that , had Lauren and I met under more conventional circumstances , whether we 'd be as close as we are or even friends at all . It speaks volumes about the power of social media and the technology we have available to us . An entire friendship formed through services like BBM , Twitter , Facebook , text , Facetime , iMessage , email , and even traditional mailing before actually meeting in person . It 's amazing to think that , because of the technology for which Lauren and I share a deep passion , a girl from Wisconsin and a boy from Pennsylvania , both from two very different frames of reality , can form as close a bond as we have . Recently , whether it be at work , on the train , or at school , people complain to me about social media and technology . They claim that the relationships formed through those mediums " aren 't real , " and are " meaningless " and " impersonal . " They back off a bit when they later ask what I study in university and I tell them " computer science . " They feel as though they had just insulted my livelihood . But that 's not what I take offense to . It 's this relationship I 've built that takes the hit . This is what I feel compelled to defend . This is why I can never agree with those people . What I 'd like anyone reading this to take away from this is that there is nothing wrong with forming a friendship through social media . In today 's world , it 's incredibly normal and don 't allow anyone to tell you otherwise . And if you 're really as close as Lauren and I are , then I encourage anyone to take the chance and meet their online friends . As I mentioned before , I read a lot of blogs and personal experiences before solidifying my resolve to see Lauren . This is me paying it forward . Social media is an incredible means of communication . For her , it 's an indispensible tool in her field of study . For me , it 's not only what I dream to work on and to improve , it 's what helped me meet and come to know someone else whose life I can put ahead of my own . Everyone has defining qualities , quirks , etc . that make them , well , them . Many of us have certain things we want others to associate with us , be it our hair style / color , the way we dress , the TV shows or movies we watch , or what have you . In this age of mobile technology and warring tech giants , the more " involved " of us use the smartphone we carry to be a part of the definition of who we are . Anyone who frequents Twitter , at some point , may have seen a reference to a " # TeamiPhone , " a " # TeamAndroid , " or a " # TeamWindowsPhone " ( maybe not that last one ) , signifying the user 's device or operating system ( OS ) of choice . Those are the mainstream ; the ones everyone talks about and the type of devices you 'd mostly see on the streets of your locality . Back in 2009 , I was 16 - years - old . I was on my second cell phone and my family was due to upgrade . The smartphone industry was still mostly tied to corporate users as Apple 's iPhone hadn 't , as of that time , taken off yet . BlackBerry ( RIM , at that time , rather ) , was beginning to wane , but holding firmly . Business users and many smartphone users still preferred BlackBerry devices . Coming from a flip phone and liking the form factor , I decided to continue with that particular style . My mom had brought home a work - issued BlackBerry Curve quite sometime ago at that point and it fascinated me . The thought of carrying your emails and having a web browser all in your pocket was amazing . Then , there was the full , physical keyboard . I loved it , but I didn 't like the form . Luckily for me , that was the year BlackBerry released the Pearl Flip 8220 / 8230 . It was everything I had expected and more . It was the perfect combination of everything I loved about flip phones with all I envied when using my mom 's Curve . I had become a smartphone user . But , I had , inadvertently , become part of something that would become so important to me , as well . But it wasn 't mine to see just yet . Two years later , in the summer of 2011 , I had just graduated high school and was on the cusp of becoming a college freshman . It was time to upgrade . By this point , the Apple / Android battle was in full - swing and it was becoming obvious . Whereas in 2009 I was still seeing feature phones carried by most around me , I was now seeing either an iPhone or an Android phone . Naturally , the question of whether I should continue being a BlackBerry user reared its head . My Pearl was good to me during the two prior years and in that time , I had become entrenched in the CrackBerry . com forums as a frequent member . I figured " Why abandon a brand and a company who 's products I enjoy using ? " So I waited until RIM released its 2011 BlackBerry line - up ( BlackBerry 7 devices ) of devices that year . One day after AT & T had the October 2011 was the year RIM experienced its major outage ( which you can read about here : http : / / www . reuters . com / article / 2011 / 10 / 12 / us - blackberry - idUSTRE79B24Y20111012 ) . Being a BlackBerry user , it was difficult to ignore , even though I , personally , felt little disruption from it at all . But the mistrust was growing . RIM was facing increasing pressure from Apple and Android to deliver something new . It was easy to forget that BlackBerry 7 was an evolution from the same OS that ran on BlackBerry 's pagers from in 1999 . That 's software that 's 12 - years - old . From a purely software perspective , it couldn 't run the same kinds of applications that ran on Apple 's iOS ( released in 2007 ) or Google 's Android ( 2008 ) , regardless of how powerful the hardware specifications were . RIM 's saviour ( at that time ) was its " BBX " platform . BBX was intended to be a brand new operating system that makes use of the QNX microkernel , developed by QNX Software Systems and acquired by RIM in 2010 . QNX has a long history of being an incredibly reliable and stable operating system used in embedded systems like nuclear power plants and in the automotive industry . However , it was far from complete and its only test in the consumer market was on RIM 's tablet , the BlackBerry PlayBook , released in early 2011 . The ill - fated but deeply - beloved tablet was marred by broken promise after broken promise . Initially thought to have much potential as an " iPad - killer , " releasing a tablet without apps for mail , contacts , and calendar / events was far too fatal . Even in October 2011 , it was clear that BBX ( later renamed " BlackBerry 10 " ) was far away . In the meantime , RIM had to compete with Apple and Google with an outdated platform running on outdated hardware . After an eventful start to 2012 and under a new CEO , following a bleak end to 2011 ( where journalists were predicting the end for RIM ) , I purchased my own PlayBook . It was at this point that I finally began to see that I was a faithful BlackBerry user . I had purchased a year - old tablet that fell flat , sales - wise , and was said to be avoided . I bought it , still , under the promise that OS 2 . 0 ( the update that brings mail , calendar , contacts , and the ability to run Android applications via a runtime ) was to be released early that year . Surely enough , that update did come and PlayBook owners like myself loved it . RIM had finally delivered on a long - standing promise and this one little gesture gave many of us hope that under newly - minted CEO Thorsten Heins , RIM would continue . BlackBerry World , an annual conference held by RIM to announce new products , services , etc . , in 2012 was unforgettable for the simple event that it was our first glimpse at BlackBerry 10 . It excited all of us BlackBerry fans , whether we were there at the conference or not . It was familiar , but different ( in a good way ) . It was what so many liked about their BlackBerrys , with a focus on emails and communications , with all the capabilities of its competitors . It could run all the same games and apps iPhones and Android phones could run . Writers and journalists who had been critical of RIM leading up to the conference were actually praising what they saw . They believed in RIM . Clutching my Torch , I knew it was only a matter of time before I could have BlackBerry 10 for myself . At BlackBerry 's fall developer conference later that year , we saw even more of BlackBerry 10 . The more I saw of it , the more I fell in love with it , and I couldn 't wait to see more . Positive sentiment towards BlackBerry and RIM was growing , and , after a year or more of negativity , it was a welcome sight . A slight hiccup came in the form of a small delay ( which was much smaller than was initially made out to be ) . By the end of 2012 , a date was set : 30 January 2013 . On that day , BlackBerry 10 would be officially unveiled to the public at a huge media event in New York City , held contemporaneously with several , much smaller events globally . The countdown began . The week leading up to and the morning of 30 January was an exciting period of time . After having to sit and watch while numerous other companies like Apple , Microsoft , Samsung , Google , etc . announced new devices and products , BlackBerry users have had to sit and wait . But on that morning ( skipping class , by the way ) , I , along with ardent BlackBerry fans across the world , found one way or another to watch CEO Thorsten Heins announce that not only was " RIM " no more ( changed to " BlackBerry " ) , but also announce the first two BlackBerry 10 smartphones : the BlackBerry Z10 and Q10 . Soon after announcing the devices themselves , he dropped the bombshell which shattered my excitement . What was rumored to be a " global " release turned out to be a global launch instead . Canada , the U . K . , and many other regions were slated to have devices available within days or weeks of the event . However , Mr . Heins could give no solid U . S . release date ; only an " expectation " of a March release . Perhaps I was foolish for thinking that maybe , just maybe , I 'd have a BlackBerry Z10 within the next week or two . But , alas , I waited . In early March , AT & T finally set their release date at 22 March , beating every other major U . S . carrier to the punch . I put down my preorder for $ 550 ( my first purchase of a phone outright , as well ) and on the 22 , I had what I had waited , really , more than year to finally have . BlackBerry 10 , in my hands , was much more than I had anticipated . I had trouble keeping up with the pace of the device . Everything was fast , fluid , and beautiful . When I held it in my hands for the first time , and every subsequent time after that , I knew I was holding the best phone on the market . I showed it off to everyone at every opportunity . I was proud to carry my Z10 . Questions surrounding BlackBerry 's future arose again in August 2013 , when the company actively sought a major change in strategy . And , once again , those familiar " Is BlackBerry dead ? " questions were asked . I was asked those questions when I had my Torch in 2011 and much of 2012 . However , at least then I could always respond with " Well , BlackBerry 10 is coming soon . " But in August 2013 , BlackBerry 10 was out everywhere and the company was still finding itself in a precarious situation . Still , despite that , I knew that , no matter what was being said by journalists , media pundits , and stock analysts , the phone in my hand was the best that could be done . Fall 2013 also marked a pointed change for me , as well . During this time , I had begun to expand my presence on social media a bit , namely Twitter . I wasn 't particularly good at using the platform , but I eventually accommodated and found it to be an incredibly versatile service . In addition to being able to gather news and information in real time , Twitter seemed to enable users with common interests to interact . In fact , it even seemed to promote this . Having always participated in anonymous forums to live my BlackBerry passions ( as in my everyday life , I am surrounded by users of other platforms ) , I found Twitter to be my new social network of choice . Up until this point , I 've yet to mention one quintessential BlackBerry feature ; BBM . BlackBerry Messenger , BlackBerry 's own social network that was present on every BlackBerry I 've owned since my Pearl . It was an app I thought was utterly useless . I never used it because I never saw the point of using it . Until September 2013 , I could only use it with other BlackBerry users , and I didn 't know of many ( and the ones I did know of didn 't use the service either ) . I didn 't get BBM , that is , until I started using Twitter . For those unfamiliar with BBM , every BlackBerry device ( and now BlackBerry ID ) is assigned a unique 8 - digit hexadecimal code called a " PIN " . BBM is a chat application ( which is now more of a social network ) that makes use of those PINs to send messages to other BlackBerrys . Now that BBM is on iOS , Android , and ( soon to be ) Windows Phone , the idea of " PIN - sharing " has grown . How is this tied to Twitter ? PIN sharing on Twitter is the most secure way , in my opinion , to exchange contact information . BBM allows users to accept or reject any user that sends them an invitation to chat . One could tweet out their PIN and only accept the users they want to chat with while rejecting the ones they don 't know . Once I began to interact with other BlackBerry enthusiasts on Twitter , my BBM contact list grew from 0 to over 50 rapidly . These people were more than simply " BlackBerry users . " They were real people that I was forming real relationships with over a common interest we both shared . To me , it was incredible . In September , BlackBerry released the " Z30 ″ ; the successor the Z10 with its main improvements being a much larger 5 " display and much better battery life . Unfortunately , this device was released only to Verizon in the United States , leaving AT & T users with little option but to wait for a possible later release date or simply import an international model . My opportunity to get a Z30 finally arose in late - March when BlackBerry began selling the device directly to customers on its site . In order to acquire one , though , I was forced to make the difficult decision to sell my beloved Z10 . However , after much encouragement from my " Twitter friends , " I did so and purchased a Z30 . From the day I placed an order for my Z30 to the day it arrived , those so - called " Twitter friends " made me feel incredible simply for purchasing a device . I felt that it was almost absurd to get that excited over someone whom they didn 't even know getting a new phone . I was in both disbelief but , at the same time , utterly humbled . It caused me to shift the way I thought about people , about social interactions , about Twitter , and about this " TeamBlackBerry . " I realized my own way of thinking was absurd and archaic , even . I was using some nonsense moniker like " Twitter friends " to describe REAL people that cared about me . They no longer felt like strangers . I stopped making a line between my " friends " and my " Twitter friends . " I no longer have " Twitter friends . " Instead , I have friends I happened to have met on Twitter . I talk to them everyday in the same manner I talk to the friends I 've personally met and have grown - up with . There is no distinction . In fact , I 'd go as far to say that many of them are more involved than many of the friends I 've met . To me , it 's something I could have never foreseen and I 'm so happy to have these people . It 's almost unfathomable for me to believe that I 've formed friendships with people all across the globe and the only initial common factor was that we both used BlackBerrys . And , to top it off , I cannot even begin to describe how much I love and cherish the members of # TeamBlackBerry with whom I 've formed friendships . They are , honestly , no different to the friends I can play sports or have coffee with everyday . # TeamBlackBerry , as a whole , has been through quite its fair share of ups and downs . At one point , its - no - our future was called into serious question . Our friends , colleagues , parents , really everyone asked whether we 'd soon be forced to part with our beloved devices . Those questions arose in 2011 . Despite many journalists ' predictions about RIM 's imminent " death " , today , three years later , BlackBerry stands proud . Even more proud than BlackBerry are its fans , members of # TeamBlackBerry . All of us , rallying around our device - maker of choice , our brand of choice , the friends we 've made . I was once asked whether I was embarrassed to be carrying a BlackBerry . I never was . Today , I am proud to carry my Z30 and stand behind this company which has given me much more than a series of smartphones . That 's why owning a BlackBerry means more to me than most could imagine .

Was excited to find this Brown Snake under a paving stone in the yard . I hear they eat slugs . Yesterday was fabulous . I planed 3 Nanking Ch . . . This is the cage we built to keep groundhogs out of our raised bed . I call it Botsford 's Incarcitorium For Wayward Produce . It 's ma . . . I 've spent the last year trying to figure out how to have a grass - free yard . It 's harder than I thought it would be . I covered most of the backyard in a layer of old cardboard and covered that in mulch from the city landfill and in pine needles from Lowe 's . Bermuda grass laughed at my efforts . My layer of hard - won mulch was covered in verdure within six weeks . That 's fine , as long as the greenery is low - growing and attractive . The previous owner of this house warned us we 'd have to put out herbicide for the weed pictured here . In the absence of a thick layer of grass , it went truly apeshit . I like it - it hugs the ground and has pretty flowers , but now that it 's getting cooler it 's starting to die back . I tried killing off grass by cooking it under black plastic in the hot sun . Not as effective as what I 'd hoped . Mulch is expensive and doesn 't go very far . Pine straw feels squishy under your feet and while it 's a better alternative to mulch because of the price and portability , it 's still expensive . Still working on this one . The mulched / pine straw option also makes it hard to rake leaves . It 's fine with me if the yard 's covered in leaves , hey it 's free mulch , but I don 't want leaves blowing into my neighbors ' yards over the course of the fall and winter . Jake Midnight died about a year ago . I 've written about him before here and here . I met him in the mid - 90s , I think in the neighborhood coffee shop . We used to talk about getting out of debt and off the grid . He was more successful than I was with that kind of thing overall , and the chapper is , by the time I finally managed to get a yard and means to some self - sufficiency , he 'd kicked the bucket . I was standing in my new backyard telling Vasco , a mutual friend , " I need to get Jake to come look at these trees , " and Vasco said " Jake 's dead . " In fact , Vasco had been to Jake 's memorial service only the week before . I was a little irritated with him for not letting me know Jake was sick in the first place , or letting me know about the memorial service . But that 's how it goes I guess ; perhaps it was all for the best . Aside from being entertaining and knowledgeable , Jake truly got excited about helping other people . This past year I 've had about 50 , 000 instances to think " Jake would really be good to talk to about this , " or " Jake would help me out with that . " And " I wish I 'd paid more attention to that song of his he performed that time , those lyrics were really cool , now I 'll never hear it again . " I 'm not saying it wasn 't his time to go , or I wish it hadn 't happened . I 'm just saying I miss him . He was a true character . The afterlife is a better place with him in it . Earlier this season an episode of Doctor Who made me reflect on a similar situation in my own life . In " The Doctor 's Wife , " a living woman comes to embody the spirit of the Doctor 's beloved TARDIS . As the Doctor 's transportation , the TARDIS is an essential component of the Doctor himself . After all , nobody would watch a show about a bored Time Lord who did nothing but stay at home on on Gallifrey and bitch about his desire to be somewhere else . During the episode the Doctor and Idris , the embodiment of his TARDIS , get to have actual conversations , which has been impossible in the past . They bicker . Sparks fly . Cupids fly about . It becomes clear that they have always been in love , even though the TARDIS has never been a person and before and isn 't one again by the end of the show . The spirit of the TARDIS goes back into the police box . It becomes clear why the Doctor is such a loner . His other half is his TARDIS . In high school I dreamed of escaping the drudgery of my boring , meaningless classes and the dreariness of my after - school job . I dreamed of finding a land where all the other people like me were . One night I and some other friends accompanied Yngwi Gatlinburg on his trip out of town to " a really good record store , " as he put it . When I got out of his yellow Datsun on The Street and looked around , the enchantment began . There were people walking around , people standing around smoking and talking , you could hear live music coming from somewhere . Restaurants and stores . It was like an outdoor mall , only with seedy insteady of cheesy for atmosphere . After the record store there was Mexican food to be had at Macho Taco , a restaurant with a hand painted sign and a stage for bands up front . I wound up in there with about half of our crowd while some others , including a gumby boy named J ' Bo , ran around outside . J ' Bo got to overdoing it on the flailing about , however , and soon Va . arrived to tell us that he fell and was bleeding . Bad . Seconds later he arrived with his hands over his face , and looking over his shoulder in the bathroom , we saw him look at the gash in his upper lip and stick his tongue through it . The helpful staff at Macho Taco thoughtfully called an ambulance . So my initial visit to Booker Heights ended in accompanying J ' Bo to the ER . That was what Booker Heights was like . You never knew how the night would end . It was a breeding ground for adventure . The commercial strip I was first introduced to was surrounded by a residential area slam full of the most varied and inspiring collection of nonconformists anywhere . I had the best conversations of my life there . Amazing incidents of coincidence and synchronicity happened . In high school and college I made regular pilgrimmages to the neighborhood , where I felt I was able to be my truest self . After college I managed to move there . I was devoted , but it was like being hopelessly in love with an unrepentant , unmedicated sufferer of bi - polar disorder . There was I started this relationship with Booker Heights just before my eighteenth birthday , took time off here and there for educational purposes , and lived there after school until I was 34 . At that point I wanted to own real estate , and alas , square footage in Booker Heights had become too expensive . I left . And this time , it was over . Signing those mortgage papers must have been what broke the spell . Whereas before during my sojourns away from it I could feel the neighborhood waiting patiently behind me , secure in the knowledge that I 'd come back , this time was different . For the first time , I started getting parking tickets whenever I went back to visit . When I bumped into people I 'd known and whose company I had enjoyed for several years , I found I no longer had anything to say and they no longer did either . On a profound energetic level , all ties were severed . My tenure in Booker Heights now seems like a dream . I miss it , but on the other hand I now have a husband , house , and garden . My life is richer in many ways , so I have no regrets that it 's over . My relationship with Booker Heights was a little too dramatic to be healthy . I think the Doctor 's relationship with the TARDIS is much more supportive and functional . On Sunday a friend of ours told us about an innovative and inexpensive strategy she developed for keeping vomit off the couch . This friend , we 'll call her Mareva , spent a semester in Ireland when she was in college . Drago , one of her old Irish housemates , is visiting her now , and they came over for dinner . Mareva told us when she arrived at her student residence in Cork , she walked in to find a roomful of people in various states of out of their minds . Drago introduced himself and offered to share his mixture of hash ( the THC , not the corned beef kind ) and custard . Some other people were dancing around in the joy of amphetamine abuse and another guy was passed out on the couch drunk . " That guy 's going to vomit , " Mareva predicted . He just had that look about him , and a discussion took place among the housemates about what to do . There was a grocery bag on the kitchen table , the plastic t - shirt kind , and Mareva had a brainwave . They decided to loop the bag 's handles over the unconscious guy 's ears so that the bag was more or less secured in front of his face , while allowing for him to breathe . A reverse feed bag , if you will . " I couldn 't believe it worked , " Mareva said . But sure enough , when drunk guy started puking , it all went into the bag . Mareva and Drago had a lot of good stories about school in Ireland . I was suprised to see that Drago drinks Coors Light tallboys instead of you know , some Irish beer . In the photo are some chickory plants and blooms in my back yard . Out of all the seeds I planted in that particular raised bed , the chickory was the only thing to come up and do well . I haven 't seen my cousin Hoyt in a long time - he 's MIA ; perhaps he joined the witness protection program . Nobody 's seen or heard from him in forever . My old friend Phoenicia and I have been waxing nostalgic about him lately . We 've left messages for him at his job but he doesn 't return calls . He is on of the most fun people I 've ever ever killed time with , so in honor of Hoyt I 'm going to dust off this story about him : In the late 80s my cousin Hoyt was a scrawny - assed kid who drove a big - assed former church van . Eventually the brakes went out on it and he crashed into someone 's house , but that was after all this happened : Hoyt and his friend Cliff were in the van and in search of pro wrestling memorabilia . This memorabilia was located at someone 's house waaaaay out in the county on such and such road , and they were looking for it in vain and getting frantic like you do when you 're sixteen and thwarted in your search for a movie poster signed by Rowdy Roddy Piper . Cliff suggested they stop at an upcoming house for directions . A sweet older lady answered the door . She said she wasn 't good with directions , but she did invite them in and offered go and ask her son if he could help . They stepped inside and were treated to the most impressive display of weird clutter they 'd ever seen . The walls of the home 's living room were hung floor to ceiling with shelves , shelves crowded with ceramic clowns . Sweet Older Lady must have seen the stunned looks on their faces because she beamed and started talking about her clown collection . She pointed to the first one she 'd gotten , said it was a wedding gift from fifty million years ago , blah blah blah , I just get up and see them every day and they make me happy - you can imagine the kinds of things a clown - collecting woman would say about her hobby . Pretty soon she was talking to a couple of sets of glazed eyes , but finally she went down a hallway and up some stairs to talk to her son . She was gone what seemed like a long time . Too long , anyway , to leave a couple of 10th grade knucklehPosted by Was excited to find this Brown Snake under a paving stone in the yard . I hear they eat slugs . Yesterday was fabulous . I planed 3 Nanking Cherry trees and 3 American Plums . I have raspberry , elderberry , and dwarf blueberries on the way . I wanted to plant some apple trees but now I don 't think I 'll have the space . I moved a small mulberry tree from the north side of the house near the AC unit to the back yard , where it should get at least a little southern light , even though it will be shaded at least part of the day . Seedlings are coming up in both raised beds . They need to be thinned out badly , but I 'll do that tomorrow . Fortunately I 've changed jobs recently and my new schedule should allow for better use of daylight . No groundhog sightings yet . I gave up on covering the back yard with mulch . I finally found somebody who could borrow a truck , and we went out to the landfill to get a $ 20 load . Since she helped me rake and shovel the load off the back of her mom 's truck , I gave my friend $ 20 , and paid for an automatic car wash . It seemed like it took forever to move the mulch from the truck bed to the ground . Then I had to shovel it into a wheelbarrow and distribute it over the areas of yard I 'd already covered with boxes , most of which had been waiting for mulch since December . It 's been looking pretty trashy in our backyard . Once I 'd spread it all , I realized that a truckload of mulch is not very much . A couple of weeks later I realized pine straw is cheaper and easier to transport . I felt like a total dumbass . I 'd have made so much more progress by now if I 'd had that brainwave a lot sooner . My most excellent husband bought me two rainbarrels for my birthday , and he installed them while I was at work Saturday . I think they were originally used to ship pickles from India . Gherkins are pickles , aren 't they ? One of the other barrels said " GHERKINS - PRODUCT OF INDIA " on the side . So that 's cool . I hope in a couple of months we 're in good enough shape to have people over . Today I spent all afternoon making a new cage to cover raised beds . After much profanity , fit throwing , deep breathing episodes to regain calm , two trips to the hardware store , and glue ( a lot of which I got on myself ) , I went out a few minutes ago to carry my new project off the deck and into the yard . I bumped the railing on my way out and the whole thing sprang apart . This latest version of the cage was to be shaped like an upside down u , unlike the design featured in my last post , which was a box . I thought the u would be easier to make and easier to get chiken wire onto . It involved bending lengths of PVC pipe to make an arch . But tension and PVC don 't go together too well , apparantly . I spend between $ 40 and $ 50 on supplies for this project . Though I glued all the joints , all of those came apart at one point or another , but I had to use a hammer to get one apart that I hadn 't glued . I might be able to salvage these parts and make a new box cage . But I am sick of this shit really . I guess I shouldn 't be discouraged . At least I 'm walking the walk at last . This morning I harvested some spring weedflowers from my yard and added them to scrambled eggs . ( The Purple Dead Nettle and Henbit featured in the photo ) . For dinner I put them in a peanut / sesame sauce on noodles . While they didn 't have outstanding flavor , they didn 't have an offensive flavor , and hey , they are fresh , free greens . With vitamins and all that . I have a few blackcurrant shrub seeds sprouting , and my edible weed bed is covered with seedlings . Now I just have to get two more beds up and running so I can grow non - weed greens in them . And make cages for those to keep the squirrels , groundhogs , and cats out . Sigh . And cover the raised bed area with mulch , which I haven 't found a cheap enough source of yet . Sigh again . This permaculture stuff is expensive . A thankful shout out to that helpful Ace Hardware guy at the Pisgah Church Road store . Wish now I 'd looked at his name tag . This is the cage we built to keep groundhogs out of our raised bed . I call it Botsford 's Incarcitorium For Wayward Produce . It 's made of PVC and chicken wire , and was both more expensive and more complicated to make than I anticipated . I don 't remember exactly but I think it might have been around $ 50 , and it took all day Sunday pretty much to put it together . I had planned to do it myself but wound up involving the husband because it was so tedious and time consuming . Thanks Wyatt ! I consider your help and patience a fine Valentine 's Day present . When we were thinking about moving here we drove by frequently to see what was going on , and one thing we always saw was groundhogs hauling ass out of the backyard when we pulled up . Our neighbor on the lot behind us said he 's trapped and released all but one , but when that one wakes up this spring it 's going to be looking to reproduce . In my experience , battling groundhogs is like playing Whack - A - Mole . As soon as you beat one down another one arrives to take its place . They 're cute though . I 'm hoping this cage will take the contention out of my future relationships with the neighborhood groundhogs . And squirrels . And cats . Our yard is full of cat shit . The neighborhood 's also got a robust population of roaming , fertile cats . I wonder how much good fencing in the entire yard would do to reduce the catshit problem . And it is a problem . Gets all intimate with the treads in your shoes . Or just lies there hidden , but putrid , in the grass making you paranoid that you 've picked up a shoefull of it . I started this blog because I wanted to write about Permaculture and self - reliance projects . At the time I 'd taken a Permaculture course but lived in a 3rd floor walkup in a condo building where the board was hostile to gardening activities on the grounds . After much drama , suspense , and a lot longer than we originally anticipated , we have at last acquired a yard - and it 's not in a historic district . Yay ! We moved in November . My perma - forming effots have been hampered by my inability to find somebody with a truck willing to pick up mulch and compost from the landfill for me , but I 'm still moving along . The photos are of my cold frame ( for chickory , chickweed , and creasy greens ) and my first square foot bed . Nothing in that yet , though I 'll probably put out stinging nettle seeds today .

Yesterday , I was holding my baby boy in my arms for the first time . Then , I blinked , and today he is running all over my house ! I can 't believe my little man is one ! What a joy he is for our family ! Here are some things about Ian : Weight : 22 lb . s 4 oz . ( 25 - 50 % ) Length : 31 inches ( 75 - 90 % ) Head : HugeIan loves to play with anything that has wheels , and balls . " Ball " is probably his favorite word , followed closely by " Dada , " or sometimes even " Daddy . " He also says mama , bus , bath , duck , turtle , Bible , eat , all done , hi , bye - bye , up , this , that , and he often walks around saying " apple , " but I don 't think he knows what that means . He still loves Praise Baby dvds , but also is showing a liking for Backyardigans , which Ansley likes to watch . He loves music and dancing , so that show is right up his alley ! He still takes at least one good nap a day , sometimes two , and sleeps through the night . He loves to eat , and would snack all day if I let him . Peas are one of his favorite things ! ( Yuck ! ! ! ) Ian loves to watch Kennedy get off the school bus each day , and loves to play with toys . I can set him in the living room ( where a lot of his toys are ) and he will play and entertain himself for a long time . He loves to try and dart up the stairs if we forget to put the gate up , and also had a little incident a few weeks ago where he fell down the stairs . Luckily , he was okay ! He is very mild - mannered and laid back , although just recently we are starting to see a side of him that we hadn 't previously seen . He is walking , and very mobile , and has decided that when he wants down , he wants down ! Trying to keep him still at the doctor 's office today for his well - baby check - up was a lot of fun . . . 4 shots was a lot of fun too . : ( We 've also learned recently that he does not like for things to be taken away from him , this makes him a very upset little boy . He 'll learn . He 's mostly happy , doesn 't know a stranger , ( although he sometimes pretends to be bashful ) , and still has his father 's disposition . He LOVES his sisters and can make them laugh quiJeremy Picker Is it November ? Really ? That cannot be possible , right ? Where does the time go ? It seems like once October hits , things are busy , busy , busy , and it stays that way until Christmas is over . We 've had a good , but busy fall so far , and are looking forward to Thanksgiving in Peoria , followed by Ian 's first birthday . Again , how is this possible ? I 'll quit asking questions and leave you with a few Halloween pictures of Hannah Montana , Minnie Mouse , and Ian the Zebra . Posted by Although Ian doesn 't have tons of hair , it was starting to grow over his ears and down his neck . Since Wednesdays happen to be " Kids Day " at the nearby salon , I took him in today for his first cut . He did a great job and sat there like a champ ! It 's not super noticeable that he got a cut , but it does look much cleaner . Posted by No updates today on my kiddos , or what 's going on around here , I 'll do that soon , I promise . Instead , I have a guest post from a friend , that also happens to be a cousin - in - law ! Mary Beth and I met at Harding and were both in Zeta Rho together . We got to know each other even better when she started dating Jeremy 's cousin Casey . In fact , her and Casey were engaged shortly after our wedding , and married the following December . Casey and Mary Beth have three children too , two of which were adopted from Ethiopia . They are very passionate about adoption and Ethiopia . They are such a great example for us all of listening to God 's calling . We haven 't got to meet their two cuties from Ethiopia , but we love seeing pictures and look forward to meeting them sometime soon ! Please take the time to read what Mary Beth has written ( she 's a great writer ! ) and consider making a donation and possibly winning a getaway to Aspen ! Thank you so much Jeremy and Laura for allowing me to post on your blog about a subject that is so important to me . Over three years ago , my husband and I began our journey to adopt our son from Ethiopia . And since that time , God has been filling our hearts with an overwhelming love and passion for the people of Ethiopia . We returned a year after our first adoption to bring our daughter home . After arriving home with her , we knew we had to do more . We have been so blessed to team up with other adoptive families around the U . S . and with Lifesong for Orphans . Lifesong is doing some amazing work through a small nursery school that they support in Adami Tulu , Ethioipa . You can read more about Adami Tulu here . Last year , we , with five other families , raised over $ 40 , 000 to build a new building , restroom facility , and gate at the Adami Tulu school . In August , we got to return to Ethiopia to see the new building . We had an amazing trip , and have absolutely fallen in love with Adami Tulu . You can read more about our trip here and here . The school is changing the lives of so many vulnerable children in the area by offerRead more » Ian is on the go . . . all the time ! I don 't know if it 's just a difference between girls and boys , or if my girls were just calm and laid back , but this little guy gets into everything ! With the girls , I could set them in the middle of a room with some toys and for the most part they would sit and play . If I put Ian in the middle of the room with toys , he looks at the toys and then begins looking around the room and making his move to wherever he desires to explore for a while . We have to make sure our basement door is closed at all times , the toilet lids are shut , and all decorations within reach have been placed in areas that he cannot get to . It 's exhausting ! Poor Ansley doesn 't understand ( no matter how many times I tell her ! ) that he can 't open doors , and she will often stand guard in front of the basement door , fridge , gate on the stairs , etc . , saying " No , no , no Ian . . . Mom , Ian is trying to open the basement door ! " or whatever he might be close to . At least she 's looking out for the little guy ! We also think he may be a lefty just like his oldest sister . He uses his left hand to eat , wave , sucks his left thumb , and even his Sunday school teacher has noticed that he favors his left hand . Apparently last Sunday he was holding something and she tried to give him something else , and he switched what he had over to his right hand so that he could reach and grab the item with his left . Jeremy 's determined to make him a pitcher if he truly is a lefty ! Here 's a picture of our future Cardinals pitcher making his " silly face " as we like to call it ! : ) Speaking of Ansley , I have tried to start doing some workbook activities with her . She amazes me with what she knows ! She seems really smart to me ( of course ! ) but I think it 's probably more that I just think of her as being so young , and I forget sometimes she not that far away from being 4 ! Here is a picture of her doing some workbook activities . In the background you can see a painting she made , and some rocks that she painted . Kennedy decided to give up dancing and try Posted by My sweet thumb - sucking boy is 9 months old ! We had his check - up today , which was not pleasant at all due to a missed nap ( sorry Dr . John ! ) He was fussy and just not himself . In fact I was so flustered by his crying while trying to get us packed up to go home that I forgot to grab the paper that had his stats on it . I think I remember them though for the most part : Head : Greater than the 97th percentile So as you can see , he is becoming a long , lean little boy ! He may not be the little chunk we always thought he would be after all . In fact he 's only a few ounces heavier than Ansley was at 9 months - - and we all know she 's a little pipsqueak ! He is longer than both girls were at this age though . He 's a great baby , usually very happy , and sleeps wonderfully ! He sleeps around 12 hours at night and then naps usually twice during the day for 2 - 3 hours each . In fact , he took a nap through his baby dedication at church on Sunday ! : ) He says " da - da , " " ma - ma " on occasion , and tries to say " all done " while he signs the motion for it . He weaned himself last week , and has quickly learned the word " ba - ba " for bottle ! He can go from sitting to the crawling position and from the crawling position to the sitting position , but he still hasn 't crawled yet . He scoots around on his belly and rolls everywhere else , getting him pretty much to wherever he wants to be ! He pulls up to his knees , but not to his feet yet . He LOVES his big sisters , eating ( anything he can ! ) , and playing peek - a - boo . Praise Baby videos can make him stop crying in a heartbeat . He still loves his jump - a - roo , but is growing less and less fond of his exersaucer now that he is becoming more mobile . Overall , he is a perfect third baby ! We love him so much ! In other news , first grade is going well for Kennedy . She got to " hold " the class pet - - Lucille the Gecko - - which we later found out meant she actually just petted Lucille 's tail , but she is hoping to become brave enough to hold her some day . Ansley is enjoying her time at home , and still claims she doesn 't miss her big sister at all while she 's away . Jeremy has just begun the process of moving from the Youth Minister at our church to the position of Children / Family Minister . We are very excited about his new job and the fact that we will see much more of him on weekends and especially in the summer ! We will miss the relationships that we were able to form with the teenagers at our church but are excited about working together as a couple / family in the ministry . We are very thankful for this transition and think it will be great for our family . That 's about all for now ! Posted by How time flies ! We now have a first grader on our hands . . . a very excited first grader to say the least ! Kennedy woke up at 6 : 15 today as happy as could be ! She had her first day of school outfit all picked out and ready to go ( which she thought was super cool ) and we quickly got ready and headed out the door to a special first day of school breakfast . . . at Steak ' n Shake . After her eggs and toast , we went up to school where she led the way to her classroom , found her seat , and we said our good - byes . That was it ! She still gave us all hugs and kisses goodbye though - - she 's not too cool for that yet ! On our way to the car Ansley asked Jeremy if he was staying home today . When he replied , " no " , Ansley 's response was " Oh , I will miss you . But I won 't miss KK ( Kennedy ) ! " I think Ansley is ready to rule the house again ! I 'm looking forward to 3 : 30 to hear how Kennedy 's first day was ! Friday night we went over to the home of one of Jeremy 's coworker 's . Kennedy needed to use the restroom so I took her . As she was finishing her business , she exclaimed " This is NOT toilet paper ! It must be Angel Soft ! " . I said " Where have you heard of Angel Soft ? " Her reply : " I saw a commercial on tv an it is even softer than regular toilet paper so this has got to be it ! " This little girl starts first grade next week . Where has the time gone ? She is so excited and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of the special piece of mail that tells her who her teacher will be . The other day she said " Mom , I bet you 'll be glad when I go back to school so you don 't keep hearing me say ' I 'm bored . What can we do ? ' " She 's a pretty smart little girl . I do feel a little bad though , because between Ian 's 2 - 3 naps a day , it has been hard to go do a lot of things . There have been days we 've ventured out places and just hoped that Ian slept some along the way , but it probably hasn 't been the most exciting summer for her . However , she did get to visit both sets of grandparents , attend VBS , go the the Magic House , go to the Science Center , go to the zoo , go to Six Flags , and swim . . . a lot . I 'd say it wasn 't too bad ! As for this little girl , I think she may be ready for her big sis to head back to school ! We 've had lots of fighting the past few weeks , and I think big sister cramps her style . Although she is certainly old enough for pre - school , we are going to wait and just send her for one year - - next year - - before Kindergarten . I do plan on doing some learning activities with her each day though . She loves to try to write her letters , but really doesn 't know very many , so I think we 'll start there ! She 's still obsessed with shoes , and just yesterday I went through some of Kennedy 's old things and got out all the size 9 shoes we have . Ansley tried on each and every pair throughout the day and was so excited about them ! Today she was telling me which shoes looked good with dresses and which ones didn 't . She 's hilarious . This little man is growing like a weed ! He 's trying his hardest to figure out crawling , but still has not mastered that skill . He has 2 teeth on bottom and 4 teeth on top ! Today he did his first sign language - - for " all done " - - and he clapped for the first time ! Big day for him ! He is such a wonderful baby ! He is so content and happy most of the time . For naps , I just put him in his crib , turn oPosted by We 've had a fun summer so far ! Following Kennedy 's birthday party , my mom and Dave came for her actually birthday . We had a fun time at Purina Dog Farms and the World Bird Sanctuary with them . They bought Kennedy a bike for her birthday and she has been having lots of fun with that . Her other favorite presents were a Barbie laptop , mp3 player , and new TwinkleToe tennis shoes from her Nana and Papa ! Nana always comes through with cute shoes for the girls . . . if you know Jeremy 's mom , you know why ! : ) The following week was pretty uneventful , although the girls did help the youth group at a carwash to raise money for Joplin . Jeremy ended up taking a group down there to help with tornado cleanup . He said it was unbelievable all of the damage . While he was there , one of my very best friends in the whole world , Lindsay , came to visit for a few days . She has two daughters close in age to my girls . We had fun hanging out , swimming , slip - n - sliding , and going to the Magic House . This week , Jeremy has been at church camp all week , so the kids and I made a spur of the moment trip to Peoria to stay with my mom and Dave for a few days . It ended up being perfect timing , as our old church was having a VBS that the girls attended . They had a great time in the " wild west " for a few evenings . Thanks Kristin and Aaron for doing such a great job ! While I was home , I got a very unexpected Facebook message from the mom of my boyfriend in high school . It just so happens that I may have given him my class ring in high school . . . against my parents wishes . It also turns out that he lost it when we were 16 or 17 . He thought he lost it at church and we had dug through trash and vacuum cleaner bags looking for it . Well it turns out a few years ago they were laying sod in their yard and one of the workers found my ring ! It 's still in perfect condition too ! So I met up with her and got it back , after having thought it was gone forever ! So that was kind of crazy ! We have a pretty low key week coming up , followed by Jeremy leaving for a mission triPosted by

A collection of journal entry - style posts that range from rambling thoughts to explicit instruction on , well , just about anything . Granted . . . I am moving towards a more holistically angled concept of Consciousness , in lieu of the entry of the business I am currently building , named Blissfully Fit . It is beginning to form . Start the revolution . . . NOW . I have to say that I spent most of 2013 uncovering great mysteries . Not the mysteries of the universe , though that would have been time well spent . I spent this year uncovering mysteries in my local community , job site , gyms , my relationship , and uncovering some secrets inside myself . Then I found out that the year of the Horse in 2014 may be a year of work for a rat , though the idea of energy running freely throughout my life sounds grand . It 's also the opening of many secrets and hidden objects from view of the passing snake year . From the beginning of the year , I had so many elements come into play , like the rite of passage year for me , as if I wanted to be an investigative detective . It all seemed to begin with my school placement . After being pulled out of a beautiful school , I was offered a spot at a middle school that became an exercise in coldness and uncovering wild truths about the nature of my teaching and of the campus , the school district and a number of my kids . People all year really thought they were getting away with something . But all uncover and dark things did finally come to the surface , and punitive consequences came of it . In my own relationships with both family and friends , I found out who was really there for me and who played a sideliner role . I am still the rock in most foundations in my life and sought out spiritual guidance as mentors who were successfully able to carry me through . I lost a few friendships and gained several new ones . I have a best friend who experienced much loss this year , and I got to see her grow and develop through the stress . She weathered it and we weathered it together . We are now working alongside each other with our business plans . In my own romantic life I had to pull teeth it seemed in order to get a man to see himself more deeply , and to grow in love and intimacy with me . Together though bumpy , we survived through all the bumps and bruises . while I can say that this relationship has been the toughest I 've had , it has also been the most revealing about the dirty truth of some of my darkest shadow side behaviors and thoughts . So basically I 've been led out of the tunnel of my own transgressions and have gone to the underworld and back . What seedy and hurtful elements of my life that were negatively affecting my relationships are now gone , at least this layer , and I have been revived back into a state that expresses my highest self . Oh how I love my highest self , and how that self has allowed me to grow is still a wondrous thought . I delightfully entered the fall with a renewed sense of hope and turned 41 . I started at an amazing new placement , Irving MS . The future has bright plans , lots of work , but wonderful to see unfold . I had also graduated from IIN where I went from being vegetarian to omnivorous . I had a wonderful fall with family and friends into an amazing Christmas for the first time in many years . I successfully begin a new chapter , acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses , and look upon the new year as a reward and a blessing , signaling that , now that I know the power of the dark side , all things in the dark must come to light . . . and 2014 promises to reveal . You have to make a careful decision about how far you will go to get to the promised card . No amount of counting or wishful thinking will make time or probability stand still or change . The right play is the right play , for better or for worse . Blackjack is a thinking man 's game . The more he thinks about his move in advance , the better the play may be . But once again , no matter how thought out , the chances of the right card coming up are still in play , on each play , and you are at the mercy of the statistics . Focusing on each hand dealt and concentrating on sequences is essential to the flow of the game . All players must be in alignment with each other , although each hand won 't technically be affected as much as is usually thought . The cards in your hands are yours and you must play them as they are logically meant to be played . Period . Inexperienced or immature players will see the cards you play and pull , and they will think , " that guy has my card . " But it won 't be truth . Truth is , there are multiple decks and multiple high and low cards equally amongst those numbers . It 's best to stay open and see that others ' successes could be a huge , shining moment in the future of your plays , especially if everyone is winning at the table and is happy . Desperation is not allowed . Desperation draws down the energy of the table and keeps wins from seeming as awesome . It 's important to have fun when you are placing the stakes on your cash flow . If it 's not fun and you 're gambling to make a car payment , then you 've missed the point of this game . Pride goes before a fall . If you think you 're smarter than everyone else at the table and you walk around with arrogant airs , you usually end up feeling like an ass by the end of it , as you will be losing all your money with the rest of the people at the table who thought they were smarter than you . Now if you are not smart enough to notice this , it is the very reason that hubris was discovered . And lastly everyone is playing the house . Everyone . No one is immune to house odds . Now knowing the house odds and learning how to work with them is like cooperating with the police department or government . They may pay you off for helping them , and treat you like a king in their witness protection program , but you won 't walk out a millionaire , for that is just not to their advantage . Think , if Vegas made millionaires , would Vegas exist ? Not for long . It depends on the odds . . . now let 's think a little larger , say , governmentally . . . . Rules are rules . Rules are also meant to be broken . To me , as I learned , watched and also played the game , I realized that the Blackjack table often replicates life . That was the most important element , singlehandedly , that made me think the experience was completely worthwhile . Family time involves all immediate family members and those who act as family in my lives . The one reason I felt encouraged to post a reflection on this is not about how unusual this topic is , because it isn 't . It is more of a fascination with how much time we give to other projects outside of our family . I had always wondered how people had enough time to do it all , cook and clean and provide for the family while building a business , working a 9 to 5 and keeping fit , etc . I realize that most people give up one part or all of their life that involves them personally . I find that rather interesting , as I have chosen in my life up until this point to make my life about my education and career mostly . This choice has gotten me rather far . I just wonder if it also ended several other relationships for me . It 's not that I go so deep into my career that I can no longer see my family . It 's that I give the attention , energy and time to projects that don 't always deserve that time , or that I didn 't properly organize my time and inadvertently gave away my power . In the end I 've noticed that the most important people in my life suffer from this . This could mean that I am too tired to talk when I get home , dinner doesn 't get taken care of , the house gets neglected or an important assignment or event gets overlooked . It wasn 't until recently , in the past few years , that I had really begun to make my family life truly important . My mom often complains of not seeing me enough , and being the " different " child , to no one 's surprise . Of course , there 's nothing wrong with being different . There is also nothing wrong with being the same . That being said , I thought about my desire to be in a healthy relationship . I chose just about the roughest scenario to be in . Well , maybe not the roughest , but definitely a bit difficult . Beautiful minds tend to be complicated to get inside . This comment resembles my relationship . My man requires a bit of attention and time . He really would love my undivided attention until his head hits the pillow . Other things just do not get done during the time we spend together . Then I choose to allow a scorpio child to be born . . . . I thought his father and I were enough scorpio ! I simply realized that if I value family and relationships , then I will be there for them , not just in a functional way , but go out of my way to make family life work . There are definitely sacrifices to consider , including school and making extra money , that sometimes go by the wayside when choosing to make family number one , but then what otherwise is the meaning of life ? So I 've decided beyond the shadow of a doubt , that family comes first . Whether that means spending more money , more time , or more concentrated effort to not multitask , I 'll do it . Posted by If you look out the window of my classroom where I teach at Irving MS , you can see the wide range of hills swaddling the rough city , enclosing it with its greenery and expansive energy . You can also see the hillsides covered with tombstones , and in the distance , at the top of the hill , you 'll find a church . Off to its left a bit is the great mausoleum , the burial site of Michael Jackson . Could it get any better than this ? Yes . I decided on a whim to take my students to see it up close and personal . Having a view of a mortuary makes a person think a lot about living life to the fullest . I originally wanted to take my kids there for Day of the Dead , in honor of our loved ones who had passed on . For any young person it is an important conversation to have about the life and death cycle . In science class we talk about the nitrogen cycle and how everything decomposes . Reminds me of what I was raised believing : ashes to ashes and dust to dust . . . and how death isn 't the end of life , but the beginning of a new one . The kids complained after the first two miles of walking . . . . but once they were on the finishing stretch at the top of the hill overlooking the gorgeous vista into Glendale , I think they began to realize that the climb was worth it , if for no other reason , to be with friends on a beautiful day and have the health to be able to accomplish the task . The lady at the gateway said " woman you are crazy ! Are you sure ? " She asked me repeatedly . I told her yes , that I am in fact crazy . She asks me , " what , are you a fitness teacher or something ? " I told her " yes , in fact I am . " It was so much fun to see her expression . On our way back down , the kids realized that they were about to have lunch for two hours and were just in the presence of MJ . Too bad we didn 't get to go to his burial site . That is one reason I would return . One of the reasons I wanted to be inside Forest Lawn was for the deep reflection it afforded me . Of course it was an unusual trip for the students to take , but the concept of being on the grounds , seeing people grieving over their loved ones , observing death and respecting life , was very important . Most of the students did not remember the last funeral they had gone to . This spoke strongly to their experience of life , living as if they would live forever . But no , they won 't live forever , and they had a chance to reflect on this while enjoying the beating of their heart and filling their lungs with fresh air . Meanwhile , as I took photos of the grounds , a certain super vibrant light shone through the trees and bounced off the church walls . To me , the lights were so bright , it could only have been influenced by the Angels . To me , it always is . Posted by So I end up figuring that it 's just another person and situation that needs a bit of prayer and positive energy thrown at it . After all , how else can an angry person who 's punching the air , know that they actually have supporters when they are wildly flailing their arms ? Doesn 't someone have to wait by the sidelines until they can calm down enough to notice the hand you 've extended ? . . . that , or let them stop and notice that no one waited . Would that help them , or only serve to reemphasize that no one really cares ? It 's a tough line to tow . Then there 's the person that , no matter what you say , can 't hear you . They have an internal tape playing and it won 't stop or slow down to allow any additional information to come in . They 've decided to nail you and label you " the enemy . " This becomes a labor of love to wait for someone to snap out of their own veil of illusion and see that internal forces are working against them , as opposed to anything external , i . e . , me . Some people treat different perspectives as a crime , a blindness , an emotional and manipulative ploy , a " leftist agenda , " or " the enemy , " when presented . But truly a perspective is a perspective , not a way to try to manipulate the masses into some form of coercion . It 's the invitation to a conversation with a varying degree of levels and thoughts , not some military stratagem targeted at some group to bring them down . The social constructs we create shackle us . If we were to notice the disparagement we build in our society when we hold ourselves so fast to the same staid concepts and ideas that we feel most comfortable with , we fail . It 's not to say that the progressive way of living is a tried and true winning situation , but we at least need to listen to all sides and see if there is a chance to find a way to improve on a human right . We all deserve to feel safe . That 's all . Yeah , so I woke up one day in the recent past to the biting discovery that I am a woman , and this means that I have to look like one . Now I don 't mind looking like a woman , granted . In fact I love looking like a woman ! It 's the work and money that it takes , to look like a woman . Sure , most women know this . I may in fact be one of the few who does not accept this about us , the idea of so much going into our look . But as long as we are in planet earth school , someone is going to care about how we present ourselves , especially other women . Now at first I was going to say that men care most about how women present themselves , but I remember the days when I used to be able to wear a burlap sack and I would still get a man 's attention . I 'm sure it would still work . It 's just that now I would add a little lipstick and wash my hair . Men do give great compliments to a woman who wears it well . It may not even be that they find them personally attractive , but they do notice when a woman looks and smells good . Women notice the same in men . I notice that I get more comments in either direction from other women , and this makes me smile , frown and also scratch my brow , at the same time . You see , women can be hypercritical , though I 've more often found women to love my style more often than I would have expected . I 've had several women decide to try my style out , and they love it . ( I didn 't even know I had a style . See ? Now I have to go shopping , as I am trendsetting , apparently . ) It is a very interesting study indeed . Okay so when I think of going out , I notice all the elements necessary in providing a solid base for my excursion into a womanly look . Say I 'm planning for an event . I have to choose a dress , then shoes , then make sure to match any adornments , be they jewelry , jackets or hair clips . If I am missing any of these elements then I have to make time to buy them before the event . Then I have to get a mani / pedi and do my hair and makeup . Granted , unless you are superwoman , there is a very good chance that not all of this can happen in one day . Then you have to make sure your gas tank is full and all the kids are fed . Hopefully you 've already planned dinner and the tank was filled at least a day before the event . Then you remember that you haven 't waxed in a few days and that you have to make sure you shave because you 're wearing something that reveals your legs . I am dizzy just thinking about these things . Prioritization and planning is huge when it comes to being a woman . I dream about the days when I used to roll out of bed , unravel my braids and throw on some jeans and sneakers . Okay so I still do this from time to time . The difference is , I don 't leave home anymore without my makeup and a nice spray of perfume . So … Here I am , at the crux of the new school year . I consider it a crossroads because I am not ready for school yet . I think it is rather cruel to start my school flow Midsummer like that . Oh well . Somebody thought this would be a better plan , and so they did it … It does break up spring fever a little bit better , I suppose … So anyway like I said , here we are again . And in the same way we left it … Or did we ? I mean honestly , nothing is ever really the same if you think about it . No two similar things can really be the same twice . No matter how close you try to get something to being the same , the quality may be familiar , But only to some degree , within minutes , inches , or seconds … And maybe it 's fine just as it is . Well I am the archetypal destroyer . I like to break things down and crush them , then rebuild . It 's not always the best way to do things . I mean for example , if you 've built a 4 foot high legal structure , and you get one block wrong , it doesn 't make logical sense to knock the entire structure down . I mean really , does it truly makes sense to completely destroy something that has taken hours days and weeks to build ? The answer is no . It doesn 't really make sense , not to the logical thinking mind … Now I wouldn 't recommend it as a regular course of action along the way to fixing things , but sometimes it must be done . The logical thinking mind must understand when the best time is to do such a thing , and not to do it as some form of reaction to external pressures , or an emotional outburst of sorts . Emotional reactions are always the wrong reason to do things . Well , there may be some exceptions , such as in the case of when it could possibly save your life . A relationship should never be a game of survival . If it is , two people are truly not listening to one another 's needs . The problem with even that statement , is that there is no should in a relationship either . We all have an ideal paradigm in our minds of how the ideal relationship should go , and we proceed to try to find that person who specifically fits into that paradigm . But this is the part where logic could possibly begin but usually ends , due to some extraordinary flaw in that person 's thinking . The first flaw , is that there is no " should " in relationships … We also come to expect a certain set of responses from our relationships around us , whether they are romantic or platonic . What would happen to our relationships , if we were to stop expecting people to respond in specific ways and patterns ? What type of joys and gifts would our relationships bring forth then ? Thusly is the same in the rest of our lives . For example , my current goal is to begin rising at 5am , getting to my work out by 5 : 30a , and making it to school at a moment early enough to plan my classes and still be able to leave just after the bell rings . It would give me time after school to see clients and do the second half of my training program , have dinner with my family , and get to bed at a reasonable hour early enough to be able to share time with the people I love , instead of staying up into the wee hours of the night . I know , it is a selfish and yet unselfish act , if you know my family . The best response I have found is , continue to be the same loving entity that you have always been , and that person you love will eventually be able to see you for who you are . They will rise to the occasion of loving you and seeing more of themselves in that highest Light , which will lead them to see you more clearly . As they heal , their image of you will also heal . They will also stop being afraid of their own glorious being . As for those who don 't see you , sometimes our soulmates need to grow up . Maybe this means we wait for them . Maybe this means we move on . The truth is that once you focus and reflect on your life and truly make it about you , then any and all other sensations of traumatic noise is averted . You return to your higher self and purpose . You finally begin to see what your life and higher purpose is all about . Nothing else at that point matters . The truth is that I think we say too much to the wrong people , or we say things that a person with a certain level of experience are going to get . Those who don 't , will twist and turn it in the wrong direction , thereby throwing the original message off its tracks . So when a person you love doesn 't have the right perspective on you , and you tell someone this , you are not giving the lesson time to gestate . You may be complaining about a situation that merely needs time , in order to work itself out . Your way of dealing with someone may ultimately be different than the way others view it . Everyone is going through their own lens and frame of reference . This makes your variety of friends respond differently to your situation . . . . I 've learned that I can only share my thoughts with a special few persons , and that 's okay . I continue to rise to my heights and hope that others can benefit from my growth and change of perspective over the course of my life . Namaste . Something struck me on my walk tonight , inspiring me to sit underneath a lamppost across from an elementary school closed for the summer . this was amidst the sound of quietly chirping crickets and my own beating heart . I decided to reflect on my dad , which caused me to pause my walk , and make all other biomechanical processes slow for a moment to take it all in . I realize I and others focus plenty on our painful journey through life with our painful parental woes . We suffer years through from our issues of abandonment and emotional abuse , or varying degrees of damage others of us have gone through . Everything we do operates from whatever premise our parents created for us ; and how some of us pray that we didn 't do something horrible to our own , as a result of what we had gone through . Much less often do we focus on what our parents may have suffered through , what their folks brought to their table , or what generational woes affected the whole lot . When healing gets to the level of decades upon generations , we begin to see the web of creation and process we are all undergoing , and an even fuller picture of our healing . I get that on an even larger level after today . For some reason the clouds parted , and a rather obnoxiously loud voice shouted , " forgive your father ! " Now granted , this caught me a bit off guard , having already " healed " from my father 's past actions , but made me realize why people continue to use their wounds as a badge of honor , protecting them from ever having to actually let these ideas go . And if the affected person gets into a broken relationship , those wounds and badges come shining through to stop that person from acting on their grief . Well I have to admit that I am one such person in a relationship with someone who reminds me of my father in many ways . Is this one way I am healing my connection with my dad , by getting to know him through this man ? Does this mean the relationship is doomed , or fortified for better , stronger times ? These questions come and go as I wander almost aimlessly through Posted by I remember it as a cold January morning in 2002 . Philip came running to awaken me . I was groggy as he excitedly exclaimed , " hurry ! You 've got to see this ! You won 't believe it ! " I dragged myself outside in the crisp air to see two puppies nestled into mama Terra 's belly . I dropped my mouth open in total disbelief of what I saw . " Are you kidding me ? When did Terra get pregnant ? ? And who exactly is the father ? " We only had speculations on which dog it could have been but wasn 't sure . But more importantly , we had been dragging her on walks and runs , and just thought she had gained a little weight from the extra food , but had no idea that she was bearing two pups . That hit us completely sideways . Well time passed and the dog grew to be smarter than his mama . Lucky thing too , because we needed a guard dog . Risky grew to be the beautiful labrador - looking specimen that I had wanted ( I actually wanted a chocolate lab , but he was close enough ) . We ran on a number of trails , but I spent more time with Terra , while Philip ended up running Terra more often , though we took them both out a number of times . What good times . . . I feel bad that Risky 's hip health began to decline , but it never seemed to cut into his happiness . What a happy and smiley dog . He will be missed . I know I could say a lot of things here as I enter into a new realm of consciousness , which is commensurate with deeply knowing ones identity within oneself , both personally , and in the world . If there is any desire to allow the ritual of entrepreneurship to enter at all , then there must be a true willingness to perform at a level whose tree bears fruit . As I plan and prepare , it all seems so doable and as if I 'm a lot farther along when suddenly . . . I get an email from someone on my health coaching site , asking for someone to send them their free book . My Integrative Nutrition program generated an automatic email response to alert me of website traffic , and how to round up leads that I collect on my site . It was incredibly fascinating to hear the tapes at that point that ran in my head , the backdrop tune playing as I sang the words . . . where is my finished client binder ? What will I give these clients to keep them ? How do I prepare and utilize these materials while organizing and planning their sessions ? When will I have time to plan versus orchestrate the session ? How do I close a package deal that offers the client the six month program pack ? In a word , a current of FEAR ran through me . I think for a moment that I was truly scared to give anything at all , and this was probably single - handedly , the piece that was keeping me from having a stable of clients flowing thru my doors . Also , when we first embark on an adventure , neither do we know where it will take us , nor do we always trust the signs and outcomes we do achieve . For example , I had a busy client schedule for the last two weeks and I found myself to be overwhelmed by the influx of new energies along with what still needed revisioning , and I ended up using the model to design pages and paperwork that had not even been invented . . . I keep saying I would find a sort of balance but was forced back into pre - production , because too much had been left undone . And so if I want my initiation and learning phase to be complete in order to allow a pathway of clients to enter , I need to accept my fear as something that will exist in even the most comfortable moments , if I wish to achieve success with a new paradigm . You were the most beautiful baby to me , so calm and easy going . I didn 't think anyone really had it this easy with a child , but here you were , sitting with me while I cooked and drank tea , listening to Mozart . Who knew you 'd grow up so well and youthful , enjoying each moment and not trying to grow up faster than your age . You are still like that . You aren 't into fast cars , girls or violent video games . You aren 't trying to date or be in fashion . You care about important things like spirituality and animals and drawing . You 're okay going to a therapist for healthy mental balance . You don 't wait for a problem to manifest , you think about it ahead of time . You found a passion for multimedia design and Muy Thai , and you have a best friend you 've had since preschool , which I am more than amazed and pleased with . If anything , your father and I gave you the calmest life we knew how , and I hope you feel you 've benefited from it too . Here it is , the moment we 've all waited for : high school . There were moments when I doubted myself as a parent , especially being a teacher , feeling that I hadn 't done all that I could do to be the best for you , and to help you academically . I felt I 've always been too busy with my own life , trying to find a way to make ends meet , selfishly ending a relationship because I was worried about me and what you would grow up dealing with , instead of thinking that maybe you would have loved the chance to at least live through hearing your parents argue . Maybe the money was not as important as spending more time with you . I knew those things . But everytime I asked you if I was doing enough as a mom , you lovingly hugged me and said that you were perfectly happy , no matter whether that was the truth or not . Your entire early years were spent with me as a teacher in training with my credentialing program . I toiled to be able to afford some kind of life for us , and I got a masters for it . I hope I 've made you proud with my accomplishments . I hope it inspires you to one day pursue the highest goal possible . I wished that I could have gotten my schooling done before you were born but I hope that you can forgive me for spending so much time on this . Again , I hope I 've made you proud . So that time has come and gone . I no longer have that chance to return to that time and replay or fix any mistakes . All I have is the opportunity to be a more amazing mother who has learned from her mistakes and her own need to improve herself , while being a parent . As high school begins , I am looking forward to experiencing all the grandest experiences with you . I am hopeful that you become my workout partner in the gym and my X2 buddy in Six Flags . I hope to walk you into your first job and visit your first college campus with you . I plan to hand you your first keys to your first car and help you into your first dorm room . I hope to see you finish a college with high honors and become the artist , multimedia designer and entrepreneur / spiritual leader you have always been meant to become . I support all that you choose to become in life . . . I hope to hold your firstborn in my arms and bless the child for being born as I embrace your wife . I intend to see every success with you , and be a greater mom than what I was able to accomplish in this first half of your life , though you seem to have turned out exceedingly well . In my spiritual relationship , I found that it took an incredible amount of time , energy , patience and discipline to render . That was the downside . In addition to this , if ever there were a psychic imbalance or disconnection , it would take some doused discipline to heal and clear it . The plus side is that I always had someone available to ground me and hold space for me when I did clearing work for others . The one thing I needed to know about myself is whether or not I had learned the lessons with him and the work that I needed to learn . This could only be done alone . The toxicity cleared only after a series of tests and trials . I knew I couldn 't go to the next level if I never responded to the call for expansion . My initiation into my higher self was only catapulted by having some intense occurrences appear . This did not only occur in my personal life , but in workplace situations as well . People say that one should just leave the toxic situation and to not expect the person or situation would change . Well so far , I 've never seen a situation in my life improve by giving up . Posted by The power of manifestation can happen with a simple prayer , meditation or intention . How focused one is , or in history , how focused a group has been , on a particular prayer or mantra has given it its power . To make something potent and rich with meaning is a tool that has been used throughout the course of humankind . Bringing this simple practice into focus is the one thing we can do to enrich our life . Have we seen the power of an idea coming into fruition ? A fervent prayer being answered ? A meditation opening doors we didn 't know would open ? Only to knock , is to have someone answer . I remember first truly recognizing the power of manifestation rocking my life when I became knee deep in the world of the novena . I remember struggling with money . The thought is so clear as yesterday . I needed work and fast , so I decided to do a novena . A novena is 9 rosaries either said on the hour or every day at the same hour daily , and devoted to a particular saint that governs the particular area of concern that needs addressing . At the ninth hour of fervent prayer , I get a phone call to be paid for some backstage work at the theatre I sometimes worked for when there were gigs available . It wasn 't a regular stream of income until the summer , and we were in the middle of November ! So I learned the power of intense intention and meditation on that goal . Most recently ( yesterday ) , I did a series of mantras that served to expand several areas of my life , in particular , enhancement of my relationship . Today , I saw a huge improvement in how Michael spoke to me and related to each of our needs as a couple . I was not only astonished , but impressed at how quickly mantra works in my life . In addition to this , I keep myself energetically aligned with earth grid . This alone helps to speed up the process of manifestation . If Melchiezedek could see me now . Nowadays I 'm a yogini and mala girl , so I practice doing frequent mantra work to help align me with the goal of my needs and desires . It is always something of great purpose that helps not only me , but others as well , for their Best and Highest Good . If it isn 't for everything , then we 've missed the point of this new age of collective consciousness . The pastor comes in after a rousing song of sweet praise for the Lord . Pastor walks over , wiping his brow , a look of consternation on his face after a truly beautiful scripture - based lesson on Love was taught . He talked about marriage and divorce , and how the nature of Love is only real if demonstrated by acts that show that person 's Love , whether they want to or not . Well , I have to say , he inspired my emotions and made me feel something I hadn 't originally felt for my mate . Jubilant yelling interspersed with prayerful listening brought a vibrant ebb and flow to the congregation . Pastor Terry was masterful at getting the group to exalt with vigor and obeisance . Throughout the entire " show , " I stolidly glanced around the room , probably feeling just a bit out of place , for I was not raised with Juba dancing , but instead , silent , still reflection . I must 've appeared as a monk , with my posture . After that moment passed , he came down off the pulpit from his yelling , singing and begging us to help him with praise and clapping . " I can 't get any help in here ! " He 'd humorously exclaim . His voice became hushed , and he approached us , looking at us each in the eyes . He called us to believe , and if we wanted to invite Jesus into our life and make a testimony , the time was just then . Unihipili , or the basic self , is discussed in the tradition of Huna , the Hawaiian science of Ho ' omana , or making life force energy . I have been exploring my lower mind in the quest to understand labels and messages I am sending unconsciously , in my quest to communicate most often with the higher self . While the three selves are not separate , it is often beneficial to me , to look at the selves from the perspective of separate entities for the purpose of learning . The mention of some aspect of ourselves being unconscious , is to not readily see and have access to this vibrational pattern . There is a measure of unawareness at the cellular level . We are merely repeating patterns at will based on the control the unconscious mind asserts . We will always revert to our " home training , " in this case , unconscious patterns and primitive drives , that will affect our way of dealing with the world . For example , I have an issue with time , and has been the case since I was old enough to say the word " time . " While I feel it may be an inherited pattern , and I am very aware of its effects in my world , it sometimes does not pose enough impetus to inspire lasting change . Obstacles and limitations will obstruct my success . One obstacle that has limited me is my hardened attitude toward lateness and my emotional , passive aggressive reaction that has been constructed over a long stretch in time . Memory is stored in the unconscious mind . Memory affects and shapes our attitudes , belief patterns and emotional responses that arise in the conscious mind . Remember that Our conscious minds make decisions on how we will handle these concepts daily . I have found that I can control my latent , unconscious emotional response to the situation by choosing what memories I 'll allow myself to focus on . Posted by We all sometimes walk through worlds and , depending on whether or not we are aware , we are interacting in , and integrating our ability to discern subtle energy into physical form through our thoughts and actions . We are always transmitting a vibration or frequency , a resonance that someone would be able to connect to . Even when people are not familiar with why they are drawn to a person , we are a bank of energy , signals and radio emissions , and when we are looking for a refill , we find a highly vibrating person upon which to refill our stores . Alternatively , people come to us for the same thing . This is why sometimes , it appears at first , that we are having a good day , or not so good , but that we are simply exchanging energies at any given time in varying degrees of frequencies that we may or may not be aware of . We also have cording energies at any given time , like the arms of an octopus , consistently coming at us for support and energy . Remember that we are like a tall glass of water . When someone is thirsty , and they have nothing to give , they will drink until they are quenched and unless you keep them from taking every drop , they will . There are also these shelves of consciousness that we work on . We can pull from the higher consciousness ( though we are not always conscious of whether we are there or not ) and mostly our conscious middle shelf ( our daytime executive function ) and low mind ( our sub - and unconscious , primitive drives ) do most of the talking . I can explain these shelves more in a later post . Just know that from wherever you pull , you will have the most interesting and unique experiences emanating from that center . I 'd say this function alone , is what can confuse a person when they hear you speak , and you sound different and intriguing to them from day to day . I have just attained a new ally : her name is victory . I went to a Sokka Gakkai meeting last night , and I am floating on air . I want to write so much . I have goals for this evening . But something told me to sit back down and write . Speak of this thing I have just experienced . I am quite the multidimensional , multidenominational browser who actuallys enjoys a variety of faiths , but I never quite slide all the way into one , claiming it fully for my own . I pick and choose what I will partake in . Some would way I was not loyal to any group . . . but in a way , I am loyal to all , for I honor their tools and I use them , as well as pass them along to others who may richly benefit in this endeavor . So I find matching dialogue that patterns the conversation language of the group whose person I am efforting to assist . I largely use Hindu mantra as a form of spiritual warriorship , in order to help people push energy , but I also use Christian prayer , Huna tools , Buddhist mantra and the Native American medicine wheel , in addition to Angel healing , to help guide my and our world . So in saying this , I had already been exposed to the Buddhist path , and knew of the Sokka Gakkai movement . But when I spoke to a friend about it , an avid practitioner of 24 years , I decided to have a look at it . This practice filled me with so much spirit and love , I had space to help my relationship heal , and so last night I put energy on the pieces in our lives that had been filling our hearts with so much heaviness . We just needed help . This group of unknown soldiers until last night anyway , filled my heart with so much love , that we sat and basically chanted for each other . Wow . To give away your problems for the sake of the group , is what this group is about , because after all , we all are interconnected . This was hugely moving to my psyche and being , to sit among this beauty of humanity . Nam myo ho renge kyo is the title of the Lotus Sutra . I will comment more on this in future postings . But for now . . . Many prayers , chants , mantras , one goal : to see the " face of God " . . . or , to see ourselves as we truly are . Namaste . Being " hood , " is the state of being in one 's home and familiar surroundings . It can also mean where one feels they belong , where they can be their own beautiful , ugly , basic , extravagant , glorious self , without judgment , competition , or expectations . A person who 's being hood is claiming to be whatever they are , and also can somehow be proud of it , regardless of how bad it truly might be to their health , or that of another 's . Being hood can also include a strong love and affiliation to your homies , your comrades , people who have your back and will always be there for you no matter what . If you are hood , you can be put to the test and thrive , passing the test with flying colors . Your character and behavioral patterns could take question with some , but your loyalty and faith in your homies is flawless like a diamond . Now , I don 't see Buddhahood too much differently . Firstly , to be in a state of Buddhahood is to have experienced seeing oneself in the highest , happiest , most detached , simplest form of existence possible , the path of least resistance . This is only one way that I take Buddhahood . It also means placing yourself aside , so that you can help others attain a state of Enlightenment , whatever that means for each individual personally . You have placed faith and loyalty in the path of the Boddhissattva . This includes a deep sense of compassion for humanity , but also for your imperfect self . This state is also about uncovering your passionate , detached presence in your life and in that of others . You are always making an intense effort to be as present as possible , not allowing for many distractions . Buddhahood helps you to see yourself as you truly are , come what may , all your flaws and imperfections all perfect and shining once again , bright as a diamond .

July 14 , 2015 | rose odengo Aaron had been chained to the kennel for about an hour now . He was tugging at the chain and howling with the dogs . Andrew his elder brother looked on wondering why his parents still treated his brother like an animal . It all began about 5 years ago . Aaron like all teenagers acquired an attitude and talked back at Dad . Dad wasn 't having it , just as Aaron walked out rolling his eyes at Dad . Dad grabbed him by the forearm and dragged him outside . Aaron thought it was the usual ; stand outside for 20 minutes in the cold and think of what you have just done . Aaron was willing and decided to grab his jacket while on his way to the door . No biggie , Andrew had gone through the same punishment . Only this time , Aaron had been found with some weed in his pocket . Dad could deal with anything except drugs . Liquor , drunk and disorderly he could handle . Drugs , now that crossed the line . Aaron smelled of weed , of all drugs , and that was that for Dad . Aaron started to sense things were off this time when dad grabbed the dog chain and some handcuffs he had got from retirement from the police force . Aaron began to plead ; Dad wasn 't going to hear it . Mum and Andrew stared from the kitchen window into the backyard wondering what was going to happen . Vader , the dog , was pulled out of the kennel and tethered outside . And then Dad cuffed Aaron 's wrists and then using the other dog chain he had carried , chained Aaron inside the dog house . Mum darted outside the kitchen pleading with dad , begging him to forgive Aaron . Dad wasn 't paying any attention to a pleading Mum . Aaron started to look scared - he could see this wasn 't a joke anymore . Mum ran back to the house and grabbed something to open the cuffs . Dad walked back to the house completely unfazed . As Mum dashed out , Dad simply said , " If you release that boy . He is no longer my son and neither are you my wife . " Mum was stunned ! She stared at him mouth ajar and after a few seconds later just as Dad was opening the back door to enter the house Mum yelled . " No man I married would ever treat a child he loves like a beast ! " Aaron got off the hook , but that never deterred him , time and again that night replayed itself . Mum would keep freeing Aaron . And soon enough it moved from weed to something harder . Aaron dropped out of school and was high all the time . Dad wanted nothing to do with him . Mum would try to act normal until one day Mum got fed up . Dad had completely stopped chaining Aaron ; he knew it was an effort in futility . But that changed when Aaron showed up high as usual and began to call Mum names . He called her " cunt " , " faggot " , " whore " and all other kinds of profanities . And this , all because Mum had served him a meal he didn 't want . Mum had made her delicious mashed potatoes , meat loaf and carrots with some delicious gravy . It was the family 's favourite meal . But Aaron high as a kite tried to be macho . Mum had been seated next to Dad reading a magazine . Dad had learned to tune it out . It had been a year after the attempted lock up . After the last profanity rolled off Aaron 's tongue , Mum yanked him violently by the ear and dragged him outside . Mum left the dog in the Kennel , found a way and tied Aaron to the Kennel . Aaron slept outside that night . 5 years later , that is what my parents still do . They tried rehab , Aaron wasn 't very cooperative . And just like that , Aaron turned from young with a promising life , to the family flea infested scoundrel with a potty mouth . Andrew never knew why he never did anything to help his brother . At times he almost felt that Aaron did deserve it . July 13 , 2015 | rose odengo Everyone was laughing . Again ! I had no idea what the joke was about , everyone was beaming . Some joke it must have been , I hated the science class , the teacher and being in this school . I doodIed in my notebook as I waited for class to end . Mrs . Mugo always spent most of her time teaching in Swahili , she never cared for my lack of understanding of the language . Like all the other crappy teachers . I had mentioned to most of the teachers that I had no understanding of Swahili , they would nod and quickly spend the next 30 minutes of the class teaching more in Swahili . And the last five instructing us on the assignment in broken English and you guessed it , more Swahili . It felt like I was deaf . I saw lips moving , but never heard a thing they said . After three weeks of school I just couldn 't do it . My hands and calfs were so sore from the canning . It seemed like I couldn 't get anything right . " Follow instructions ! " teachers would bark as they caned each one of us for doing the " wrong " thing in the assignment . I tried over and over explaining that I didn 't understand , " Then ask your desk mate , " Mrs . Mutua our class teacher would bark at me . My desk mate , was a special chap , he was a slender , well everyone was slender in comparison to me . I was the chubby kid who had to lean on the wall and sit sideways because my thighs were too big to fit underneath the desk I had . I was also pretty tall , towering above my classmates with a booming British twang . That in all shape and form in a City Council of Nairobi school yells for attention , even when it wasn 't warranted . Ndirangu was in the boarding section of school , he was very particular about how he looked . His shirts were well pressed , tie well tied - samosa shape - the perfect triangle . His shirt was always tucked in to his shorts that cupped his pretty rotund rear . I found it pretty odd seeing a boy with a butt that big . His socks shin high , showing off his olive skin and shoes always polished . My conversations with Ndirangu were a matter of necessity . He understood Swahili , I was deaf to it . He was my translator for some time up until his entrepreneurial hunger overtook events . " I can 't keep doing this without anything in return . " Ndirangu remarked at the end of the Geography class . I had to give him something in exchange for his translation , but he had to earn it . He had to do more than translate if he wanted something from me . " You are going to do ALL my Swahili homework and you need to make it look like someone else did it . Not an exact copy of your work and it needs to be correct . And the translation doesn 't stop . DEAL ? " I was a towering mass of a child he had to say yes . To which he did and I starved at lunch for the next month . It kicked off well , till Ndirangu started failing me deliberately . It started with , " Sorry , I forgot your book in my dorm room . " And I would get caned for it . Then he would get the answers wrong and finally he just gave up translating all together . He was on a go - slow , he was blackmailing me , demanding more than lunch he wanted me to give him my 10 am break as well . The hell I was going to let that happen . Ndirangu and his fat ass could die from starvation for all I cared . The food seemed to have gotten to his head and his ass . I had lost enough weight to fit behind my desk and I was beginning to understand the crappy language after all . It was only the beginning of another 7 years of suffering at the sounds of " Ngeli ya ' M ' - ' Wa ' " July 10 , 2015 | rose odengo Always came in second place . Mumo was always applauded because , " Atleast you tried and put yourself out there . Someday you will be noticed . " People always said that , whether it was a competition or an application for a free training opportunity . He constantly felt that he just wasn 't good enough and couldn 't make the cut . It 's been 10 years since he completed his university education , walked out with that Degree with a bounce in his step . The world was his ' oyster ' . He should have noticed the signs . When Mumo walked out after the graduation ceremony , Mumo was almost hit by a car and a bodaboda and was insulted by an overzealous parent who showed up to pick one of the numerous graduates . The world wasn 't going to be an oyster ; it was going to be a pain in the ass . And he had to break the world to fit his mould . 10 years later reunions came calling , he had seen people 's lives on Facebook . Anthony the geeky guy was now running his own financial consultancy firm , he was recently awarded as one of the country 's most promising financial start ups . Then there was Heather , she was ' Miss Campus ' the final year of Uni . She was now a happy stay - at - home mum running a succesful blog for mothers , giving insight on motherhood and products around it . She was recenty featured on CNN , BBC and Aljazeera . Then there was Anto , he was the party guy , who barely graduated . Anto never took school serious and now , he was a Creative Director at the country 's hugest Advertising agency . What in the world happened ? Mumo was lost for words ; he replayed campus over and over again in his head and in no way , in the scheme of things , was he the ' loser ' of campus . Yes , there were others who ended up living average lives but they compensated by being married and having children . Mumo didn 't even have a girlfriend , let alone married . What was it about him that nothing seemed to work ? Mumo got so desperate he agreed to take a construction job , not as chief architect , but as a labourer on a megre wage , hauling cement and plastering walls without protetive gear . Mumo knew he was different , he was better than his circumstances but noting ever came through . He had tried everything , sales , marketing , customer service , lab technician . He enjoyed that for sometime , up and till he realized the lab he was working for used to alter people 's HIV results to compel them to take ARVs . He later discovered that they did this , to inflate their HIV statistics to donors to get more funding . Mumo was involved in exposing them . That should count for something ; the biggest investigative news piece in the country in a decade was because he was the new sexy , whistle blower in town . Nope ! Not at all . Weeks turned into months and the reunion drew near . Mumo was no longer a mjengo guy , he was now a receptionist at a law firm were he spent more time educating himself on the legal system . He was considering going back to school to study law . That was going to be his bragging right , or was it ? July 9 , 2015 | rose odengo Katitu boys was playing in the background . It distracted Nolari from Felly in the bathroom . The song kept looping but sounded muffled . It was coming from her bag . Her phone was ringing . The shower is now turned on , and there is no sound of human movement coming from the bathroom . Nolari is worried . She inches towards the door , her heels click against the floor and she hears fumbling in the bathroom all of a sudden , like she startled the person inside . Something is pulled off a hook and the door opens . She puts one foot in first , and there is a puddle on the floor . There is a mixed smell of vomit and soap . She sees a man with a tattoo on his back by the sink , with a towel wrapped round his waist . Now Nolari is completely confused , she has no clue what is going on . She wants to ask Felly , but he is acting weird . If that is Felly at all ? For all she knows there could have been a body swap amidst all the sobbing and the showering . A little tapping on the side of the sink , water gushes out of the tap . And it is turned off . A tall , rich chocolate man emerges from the shower . She fished through her suitcase in her room and boxes where she used to store souvenirs from clients . Rather , stolen items she called conquest souvenirs . She found a nice silk shirt , and khaki pants that could fit him . And she pulled out her Bata slippers for him to wear in the house . She went to the bathroom with her broom and lifted his rotting street clothes and threw them out the window onto the street below . A cat hissed when the clothes landed . She went to her kitchen cum living room and got an old torn towel and mopped the floor dry . She washed her hands . What was going on ? She knew Felly for 15 years and all of a sudden he comes to her place , wails like a bereaved Luo woman and then showers , shaves and wants to be human . Ai ? ! Iko something ! She pulled her meko from the corner of her kitchenette and put a small sufuria and started boiling water . She needed something hot to drink through this . It was the only option . She was out of her usual Keroro . As the cooker hissed , she called out . " Uskonde ! Uskonde ! " He laughs . Nolari is definitely not stressing now that he laughed . She is a bit confused though . She really doesn 't know how to react . The water is ready she puts it in a small 1ltr thermos flask . She brings out four coffee sachets , two cups with teaspoons in them and an opened 500gm packet of sugar . Felly plonks himself on the couch and says nothing , but lets out a sheepish grin . He now smells of women 's lotion and Nolari 's cheap roll on . Felly doesn 't see why she seems so offended he showered . They both knew it was way overdue . And who ever thought crying amongst friends was a problem ? " You believe everything you read in those fancy psychology books of yours now Tony ? Tony ? Why in the world did Mum and Dad name you , a girl ! Tony , anyway ? " " Thank you for being such an amazing mother to these children . " Mum smiled , she was exhausted . And she couldn 't handle the charades from my brother today . " Dad ? " I looked at him kindly directing him back to us . He was looking at mum so empathetically , almost as if he was wishing he could be the one breastfeeding and cooking and cleaning . " Like I said , we are all going to shift our weight a lot more . Jimmy and Andrew , you are going to help clean out the baby 's room . Do not ! Touch your sister unless supervised Jimmy ! " Dad quicky retorted as Jimmy raised his hand and began to open his mouth ready to make his irritating retorts . " Andrew , I need you to keep an eye on Jimmy and ensure that he isn 't up to anything risky with your sister . Do - you - under - stand Jim - my ? " Dad said almost a tad bit too condescending . Andrew lifted his head , tears balancing in his eyes . " Tony , I need you to use that knowledge you have on human behavior to help us out here with your siblings . And you need to help your mum more with the house chores . " I nodded and we all looked at mum . She was exhausted . She fought showing it to us , but you could see the rings round her eyes , her chummy self was worn down . And little patches began to appear on her t - shirt . " But dad , " I said picking up my rucksack from the table . " Mum needs to see a doctor for help . " That 's all I said , kissed Dad on the cheek , Dad nodded , I high - five 'd my brothers and I left for the day . July 7 , 2015 | rose odengo It was a normal morning Margaret and Mary had breakfast ready for a long day of nothing . A nice warm Saturday , anything goes . They were watching TV , Mary loved animals so it was NatGeo Wild all morning , at around 11 am , Margaret eventually dosed off from boredom . Then they all got bored . The two hit the shower , and then left for the mall smothered in cocoa butter , body splash and glossy lip gloss . And in brightly coloured flip flops they strut to the mall in search for food . After a ten minute walk they had finally reached their destination . Margaret was whinning that her feet hurt and Mary wasn 't hearing it she needed to eat something or someone was going to have it rough . Mary was irritable and didn 't have the heart to listen to what restaurant Margaret had in mind or preferred . Mary wanted a nice healthy filling and that was all , " eat till you can eat no more " . Mary remarked . Mary stared at the steak on the grill at one restaurant and gave off a sinister smile . She licked her lips and drooled slightly . " Gross Mary , control yourself . " The waiter finally arrived at their table to place their order , he placed the menus on the table . Just as he lifted his hands from the table , Mary latched onto one hand and began to nibble on his hands . The man broke free and dashed to the counter to talk to who seemed like the manager . They both froze , " Noooo waaaay ! " they chorused with eyes wide open . The manager came over to the table and involuntarily , Margaret pounced on the table and began to growl . Then Mary growled showing off her gums and canines . The manager asked them to leave . They eyeballed him and stood up , then Mary pounced on him , and pinned him to the floor , Margaret quickly dashed to the counter and grabbed someone else 's order and paid and they both ran out of the mall . July 6 , 2015 | rose odengo Nancy had just walked in through the door after a long day of work , extremely exhausted when she heard an unusual sound . She froze ; then dismissed it . Her neigbour always watched unusual stuff really loud anyway . She plunked herself on the couch and zoned out for a few minutes . It had been a thoroughly long day . Nancy had recently been promoted , and she never anticipated the work load . Her feet were sore . She put them up on the fluffy pooff near by and leaned back , exhaled and shut her eyes and she fell into a deep slumber . After what seemed like 15 minutes Nancy was startled awake by the weird deep reverberating grunts like a wild animal purring . She looked around and panicked . Where was her couch ? Why was she on grass ? Was she dreaming ? She slapped herself several times , the last being the hardest , she yelped , she wasn 't dreaming then how in the world did she get there ? She heard the sound again . And she felt something hot stream down her leg , she lost control of her bowels . She looked around ; it was a moonlit night everything seemed clear as day where she was . She turned around and saw thick foliage , a forest . Nancy got goosebumps all over her body . Was she here to die , was she bait ? She gasped in readiness to scream and just as she was about to let out a gut wrenching scream a huge rough palm smelling of dung covered her mouth . She screamed , and bit the hand . A deep husky voice yelped . Nancy began to flail her hands around like turbines in full action directing the motion at her assailant . She had no idea what she was doing , but it worked , she was repelling the beast . Nancy started spitting , the smell of the dung from his hand began to nauseate her . It smelled dreadful . Nancy screamed and shook her had like she was possessed , fighting what she had heard , how in the world would he know here name ? Where was she ? Why was this happening to her ? " Nancy ? Nancy ? " The voice sounded hollow and distant . Nancy steadily opened her eyes again . It was her boyfriend Amos clasping his groin . " What is wrong with you ? Why did you do that ? "

We were in need of blinds for the girls ' rooms to block out the light during nap time and to block the super bright yard lights of some of our neighbors . But we are also on a super budget due to the whole owning two houses issue so what is a girl to do ? Well after she spends a few trips drooling over the cellular blinds at the store that would cost over a hundred buckeroos for just the three most important windows , she wanders around and stumbles upon window magic . I did not know these things existed but they make temporary paper blinds that you can just cut to size and stick up in your window . We paid less than $ 15 to cover our three windows and they look so much better from the outside . It 's all about the curb appeal baby ! I found them at Lowes but I 'm sure they have them everywhere they sell blinds . Maybe . It took maybe five minutes per window to cut them down to size and then stick them up . They come with double stick tape on one side but this one fell down after about a week so I also stuck tacks in there to hold a little better . I think the overzealous application of texture in this house contributed to it falling down but I would still consider tack or staples wherever you are putting these just so you don 't have to think about them again . They also came with two small white clips that you use to hold the shades up if you want that delightful sunlight in your room . It takes a little longer to gather up the folds than just pulling a string but it doesn 't bother me at all , especially as a temporary solution . I think if we were to live in this house for a long time we would eventually replace these shades with something nicer but we both know that this house isn 't going to be our forever home so we are willing to live with some less expensive options here and there . You can 't tell from outside that these are made of paper and they block a lot of light . They also had white ones that just diffuse the light and they had black ones that block all light but I didn 't think that black would look great from the street and the gray looks really nice . Someday I 'll get the goo gone out and take off those window stickers but they are on every window and it 's just such a project that I can 't make myself do it . I have a recipe pinned for a homemade goo gone with coconut oil that I want to try because I despise the smell and feel of goo gone . Maybe if I get around to making that , I 'll get excited about peeling off stickers and not be so annoyed at the person who SHOULD have peeled them off months ago when the windows were installed when it would have been easy . What 's your favorite hardware store discovery ? Because this is at the top of my list right now . I love finding a solution that works for me and it so much less costly than what I thought was my only option ! Did you notice that I 'm using sheets as curtains and I didn 't bother to hem them yet ? I 'll tell you all about that sometime . One of the biggest concerns that comes along with painting accent walls and transitions between colors is that of bleeding . Obviously you will not be gushing blood , I 'm talking about the bleeding that almost always occurs when you try to get a sharp line using painters tape . It doesn 't matter what brand of tape you use , in order to peel neatly off the surface it is adhered to , painter 's tape is made only slightly sticky so it doesn 't rip off the paint underneath . This leads to a little bit of bleeding no matter how careful you are . And trying to go without the tape is only for those with surgeon - steady hands and perfect line painting skilz . That is not me . So I was ecstatic to see a tutorial on another blog showing just how to get that sharp line I was looking for in the master bedroom where I needed to do an accent wall . Check out House of Hepworths , she has some other projects that I have used and I like a thrifty gal ! ( Sidenote : You know what 's not fun ? Searching through several Pinterest boards three times each looking for the pin that bring me to that link only to finally find it near the top of one of them . Why didn 't I see it the first or second time through ? Gah ! ) So if you go to that link , you 'll know exactly what I did and see better photos of the actual process but I 'll just summarize it here for you if you 're too lazy to click through or don 't plan to do any accent wall anytime soon and don 't need the full info . Basically you tape off your line , paint the edge / corner the color of the wall you are transitioning from . In my case that was the pink I had previously painted on the other wall . Let that dry fully and then paint your accent wall or transition . When your final coat of the second color is still wet , slowly pull your tape off and reveal the beautifully sharp line you have made . Marvel at your mad skilz and write a blog post about it just so people can see how awesome you are . It really is the little things that I get excited about . In this photo the wall actually looks peach like I wanted originally but in person it reads a lot more pink than I had hoped . I have since apologized to the mister for painting his bedroom pink and he said " What ? It 's not every man 's dream to sleep in a pink and purple room ? " He truly doesn 't care and I 'm sure after the first day he has never even noticed the color again but pink and purple really aren 't his jam . Oh well . But seriously , how happy does that sharp line make you ? Because I like to just stare at it for awhile here and there . I probably should have waited to take the photos until after the paint was dry but I am not known for my patience so you 'll forgive the splotchy purpleness of drying paint . Now , this title of paint + primer is misleading because in regular decorating settings , you can use any color of paint as a primer . So instead of using a coat of primer plus two coats of color , you can use three coats of color to achieve basically the same results most of the time . The only times that you really require an actual primer are in places where mold and mildew are a concern ( in which case you would want to use something such as Kilz ) and where the color you are covering is very bold . You also want to use a proper primer when you have put up new drywall because the drywall will suck up regular paint like nobody 's business . At my local home improvement center , they do have a paper taped to the paint counter that explains how you just use an extra coat as a primer coat but I think the choice to put paint + primer on the can is a poor one . But nobody asked me . In the Pronghorn color , I was able to use two coats to get the coverage I was looking for and I probably could have edged two coats and rolled one if I went a little heavier with the roller . In Peach Champagne , I needed to do three heavy coats on the edging and two heavy coats on the rest to get decent coverage . I actually would have liked to roll on a third coat just to get a pure tone but I am so tired of painting already and still have at least five rooms to get to . Six if I ever decide what color to paint the hall bathroom . Maybe by the time I finish the next room I 'll just be numb and won 't hate it so much . I thought maybe I was just being crabby about paint but last night I finished a wall of the peach and this morning I started a wall of Behr 's Cougar and it was not crankiness , I really just prefer Behr Premium Plus in every way . It goes on smoother and thicker and I think it has the same amount of odor as the supposed low odor Valspar . We just purchased two different colors of Valspar Signature paint so I 'll let you know if that is any better than the Ultra . If they aren 't better , I will for sure be searching reviews for another brand that is closer to my current fave . Oh , and you know how I was considering doing an accent wall in the master bedroom ? Well , fate took it out of my hands by running out of paint on the third wall . I wasn 't about to go buy more when I had over 2 / 3 of a gallon of the purple just sitting there so viola , accent wall . What 's your favorite line of paint ? Have you found there to be a big difference between lines under the same brand name ? I 'm really hoping this Signature works out better . I chose what I thought was an almost neutral shade of peach for our bedroom because I liked how it looked with the purple that I used in our bathroom nook . It wasn 't a color I had ever imagined using in my bedroom but the two times I was in the store looking at paint chips I kept coming back to that combination so I decided to just go for it . The color is peach champagne in Valspar Ultra Paint + Primer ( here 's a link to their ceiling paint Valspar Brand Ultra Premium Interior Latex Ceiling Paint 27 - 1420 GL - Pack of 4 ( Google Affiliate Ad ) ) and it turned out to be a very pink shade of peach . On the up side , my skin looks tan compared to my walls but since I am so pale I 'm see - through it just tells you how light the color is . Because I 'm used to a much darker bedroom that feels more restful , it 's a little jarring to me to be surrounded by such a bright and perky color but maybe it will work out in our favor by making us feel more awake in the mornings . I am going to do one accent wall of the same purple I used in our bathroom nook just to tone down the brightness a little but I 'm a little worried it will just serve to make the room look even more girly . I need to find a way to make our bedroom seem a little more manly . I currently have our old glider chair in the bedroom and am considering recovering ( or purchasing a new cover off Etsy if they exist ) it in a more masculine fabric . Our bedding is all one color with no pattern but perhaps next time we replace the comforter I should also look for something mantastic . We tend to purchase a new comforter every year when they have amazing sales around Christmas time because it 's cheaper than having one professionally cleaned . I 've tried washing comforters in our home machines and at a laundromat where they have larger machines but they just never come out of the wash the same and the husband is so choosey about our bedding that it is so much easier to go with something inexpensive that we know we like . How do decorate your shared spaces ? I welcome any suggestions for replacing my fake orchid with something with a little more testosterone as long as I can veer more towards smoking parlour and away from neon beer signs . Whether he likes it or not , we need to stop decoration like it 's our first apartment and invest in items with more class . Does it matter to you if the place you exercise is pretty ? I 've been trying to decide if it matters to me or not but I can 't find a tie breaker between liking pretty things and being too lazy to care about the corner of the garage where we keep the elliptical . This also leads me to the question of whether or not I 'm going to paint the garage at all . When I build out the mudroom area I want it to be organized and functional but I 'm not sure if it 's necessary to go beyond that . The garage is an area of the house that most people will never see . The reason I want to store the family shoes / coats / gloves there is because I 'd love to have the space in the front entry to accommodate the items of any guests that should ever need to visit . So it should be very rare that we have guests in the garage but do we only decorate our homes for other people ? I wonder how much of what we do with our own space is meant to impress and posture for those we invite to visit . I know that we 've come a very long way from our homes being just a functional source of shelter but have we come too far ? I wish that I could say that I decorate my home only so that I can enjoy it but that isn 't the truth . I seek validation in my choices and I care way too much what others think of where I placed that decorative gourd or this bowl . Not that it makes a difference in the grand scheme of home decor who my audience is . I 'm still going to enjoy pretty spaces no matter who I 'm creating them to impress . If you use it as a functional space , have you decorated your garage ? Do you think it 's a waste of paint to change the color of a place where you mainly just enter and exit and get stinky and sweaty ? If I do paint in there , my goal will be to stay with a much more masculine pallet because my poor husband has to put up with a bedroom that turned out to be a little more pink than I pictured it . My goal is to build a fantastic mudroom wall in our garage so that we can leave all our shoes and coats and things out there as we enter the house . My goal will not be happening until I get my arse in gear and unpack the rest of the boxes that are filling my garage right now . It 's an elaborate game of shuffle the boxes from one place to another so that eventually I can assemble the awesome tote storage shelf my dad built for us . Once the shelf is assembled then I can figure out which totes go on the shelf and which go into the attic . Sidenote : I 've never had attic storage and wonder how worried I need to be about bugs and such . Do I need to super tape every tote or should they be fine ? I 'm planning to put holiday things up there so I only have to haul one or two up and down at a time but I just don 't like bugs in my things . This was the very cheapest and easiest way to keep the pile by our front door from getting out of control . I just went to Dollar Tree ( I love them because everything really is $ 1 , not like other pretend dollar stores . Why call yourself a dollar store when things are $ 3 . 75 ? ) and picked up six of these little baskets . They had them in several colors but I like the muted tones of the plum and green and the plum reminds me of our living room walls in the old house . You only see four here because I stuffed my two in the entry closet and they don 't even begin to hold my shoe collection . But these baskets are a great size for my husband and kids ' shoes . Although baby W ( do you read that ' dubya ' because that 's how I say it in my head ) seems to have about seven pairs of shoes too many . Having three girls sometimes leaves you with way too many of something in a particular size . Do you buy more storage as your shoe collection grows or are you actually able to get rid of shoes now and then ? I 'm trying to be more realistic about purses but I just can 't stop loving shoes . When we sell our old house I am celebrating with a pair of boots that I 've had my eye on for months now . I have been planning to do this for awhile and originally had planned to place it in the hallway but ended up with a large blank wall in the living room that I painted orange . Orange does not look good at all with the large painting I had been planning to put on that wall so it was a lot of blank space next to a busy built in shelf . Along came the photo arrangement . I thought I was going to be able to put far more photos up above and below the first rows but it got way too cluttered looking very quickly so I ended up taking down five more frames that I had up . So much better this way ! I sort of wish I had bothered to evenly space the frames left to right but things shouldn 't be so perfect all the time . I also need to put up some more recent photos one of these days but since the youngest two look identical as babies , we can just pretend some of those photos include baby W . I tried to put the center line of the arrangement around my eye level . I 'm about 5 ' 5 " so this leaves all the photos at a comfortable viewing level for most people while being high enough to be out of the reach of little fingers . It also leaves me the potential to put a console table on this wall below the photos if I wanted to . Please ignore the blaringly obvious vaccuum handle there . I 'm too congested to care at all about moving it out of the way or editing it out . Again , this paint color looks sickly green on my screen but I promise it 's a very warm orange . I 'll color correct next time I take photos so I can stop apologizing for it . The first photo looks a lot truer to life than this second one . Would you have taken the time to space them evenly ? What am I going to do with the thirty or so frames I have left ? Oy ! There are way too many choices in weather stripping . I did not get much accomplished over the weekend . I 've been in a funk partly because the husband has been sick and partly because I 'm coming down with the same cold but I think mostly because this house isn 't HOME yet . The kids and I spent a lot of time staying with my parents over the summer and this feels a lot like that . At their house I had free reign to use all the appliances and throw my stuff wherever ( not that they loved that ) and was very comfortable but it never has that feeling you get when you walk into your own home . I know that moving 1000 miles and into a new house takes a little time to adjust to and I didn 't expect it to happen over night but I guess I expected my furniture and my stuff to carry some of that feeling of home along with it . When we 're in the house , it really doesn 't feel like we 're so very far away from where we came from because our routine can be very much the same . But this place just isn 't ours yet . We haven 't made memories here yet and we don 't have traditions here and I have no clue where we 'll put the Christmas tree . So that has led me down the rabbit hole of depression and crippling anxiety . But enough about feelings , back to the projects . This morning I went around filling all of the many larger holes in the walls and ceilings with spackle . I used smart brand non - shrink wall fix because they didn 't have my regular brand and type in the smaller container I wanted . I purchased it because I liked that it advertised itself as zero VOC ( go here to see why this is preferable ) and virtually odorless . The husband has issues with fumes and so I try to go with low odor products whenever I 'll be working on something indoors . Because it sounded like such a wonderful product , I was very sad to find out that I didn 't like it at all . This could be that fact that I have years of experience using Dap CrackShot ( Dap 1 Quart CrackShot Spackling Interior - Exterior 12378 ( Google Affiliate Ad ) ) and it is what my dad always used . No matter the reason , I felt that this Smart spackle was too fluffy and lightweight . It felt very dry to the touch and didn 't really stay in the holes as I tried to fill them . I 'm used to something much more sticky that stays where you put it . Also , I thought it smelled terrible but that could have something to do with my cold . I need to do a second coat on a few of the holes so I 'll let you know if I change my mind , but at this point I would recommend CrackShot , not this garbage . I also noticed that Dap has a newer spackle that goes on purple and dries to white . I 'd be interested in trying that one but I wonder if it would make it harder to tell when the hole is well filled . Have you tried any of these products ? Do you have a different spackling compound that you like better ? I have a little decorating project to show you tomorrow and then I need to work on weather stripping my exterior doors . Part of owning two houses , however temporarily we hope it may be , is learning to use what you have even when it really doesn 't work . In other words , make things work . I used this philosophy while hanging the curtains from our old house in our new living room . The windows here are shaped differently and there are three here compared to two at the old place but for whatever reason it worked out perfectly that I didn 't need to buy any new curtains at this time . Eventually I will either need new curtains or new blinds as these are only sheers but having an 8 ft fence around the house helps a little . I used a wire cutter snippy tool that MAY actually be a tin snip but not a very good one if that 's what it actually is so I 'm going to call it a wire cutter . It takes a little muscle and a lot of wiggling with each tiny tiny snip you make but it worked well enough to eventually get through the metal and then bend the end back into shape . I had to take quite a bit off so I needed to cut both the inner and the outer rods but there is a small plastic piece on the outer one that you can see in the first picture that hides any ugly ends . Slide the two pieces back together and you 're in business ! This would have been even easier with an actual tin snip like this one Great Neck Saw 10in . Aviation Tin Snip 17623 ( Google Affiliate Ad ) so if you have access to one , please use that for heavens sakes . My second picture shows how bent out of shape the excess piece got and how ragged the end of the actual rod was and I think these would have been better with a sharper tool but it really didn 't matter in the long run . Have you ever fabricated a curtain rod to fit your space ? Have you seen the pinterest photos using pipes and fittings for curtain rods ? I wish I didn 't have curtain rods on hand so I could do something like that . This is my very first attempt at a mood board and I obviously need a little more time to make them look as nice as the ones I 've seen on other sites but you 'll get the gist of it . I recently painted my living room with Valspar Pronghorn . Although it looks terrible on my screen right now , it is a warm gingery orange that we have all been loving . Unfortunately , we sold a lot of our living room furniture before we moved and we have not closed on the sale of our old house so we aren 't in a position to buy new furniture right now . So I 'm sitting on a 20 year old love seat looking at our old nursery rocker and my husband 's recliner which may or may not have to go eventually . It 's not pretty but it gives us a place to sit until we can find something new . These are far prettier ! The biggest factors in our search for new seating are going to be comfort versus looks . We like to watch tv and we like to be comfortable while doing it . The last sectional that we purchased , mostly because it was inexpensive , never really worked out like we had hoped . We bought it thinking that the whole family would be able to sit there and hang out and in reality I was the only person who ever sat there . Also , it was not very comfortable and compressed where you sat so there were distinct butt prints all the time . We won 't be going for another sectional because it just didn 't work out but also because it wouldn 't work with the layout of our living room . I 'm considering a couch , a chair , and either a loveseat or a chair - and - a - half . We 're planning to look in our town because we prefer to spend our money locally but we 'll probably end up making a trip to a couple larger towns nearby just to make sure we 're not settling for something we don 't love . Are you shopping for furniture ? What are your biggest considerations when looking for a couch ? We know that scotch guarding pays for itself many times over when you have kids so we 'll for sure be going with something similar again . The house we recently moved into was purchased inexpensively from HUD and then remodeled and resold to us in less than 3 months . We have heard from neighbors that the man who flipped the house has done work in a few different states on similar projects and that doesn 't surprise me . In many ways he did a good job at what he was trying to do . The neighbors have told us that the house was all but destroyed before he purchased it . All the windows were broken and the walls had holes in them and I can only imagine what else . Our house is in a nice neighborhood surrounded by well kept homes and yards so it was the perfect opportunity for a flipper . I understand that his goal was to get the job done quickly and make as much money as possible on the deal and that leads to a certain degree of carelessness when it comes to finish work . All of our interior doors are hung incorrectly and are difficult to close . The tile work is sloppy around the edges and either has missing grout or has excess and looks messy . The trim and doors were all primed ( I assume they were purchased that way ) but it doesn 't appear they were painted at all or caulked at the joints . The wall painted was only one coat and was applied poorly so there are white spots and the edging looks streaky and there are even spots that weren 't painted at all . A lot of these things aren 't an issue because I am planning to paint most of the walls but it would be nice not to have to paint ALL the trim work . I did that at our last house and it is not awesome . Many of the doorknobs were loose and that only took a few minutes and a screwdriver to tighten up . The exterior doors do not have any weather stripping which might be a regional thing but will need to be remedied before we get pests or snow in the house where they don 't belong . I guess the point is just buyer beware . If you aren 't DIY inclined and don 't know enough about home improvement to tackle fixing the things that get skipped during a flip , you 'll need to figure the cost of repairs into your purchase price . When you are interested in a house , ask your realtor to check when it was last purchased and the price paid . If the house has brand new finishes and was recently purchased for quite a bit less than the asking price , you are most likely looking at a flipped house and , with all the flipping shows on tv these days , you might be getting someone 's first attempt which may mean less than stellar work . Have you considered flipping houses ? Have you ever lived in a house that was flipped ? I am planning to test for my realtor 's license and my father builds houses so it 's something we 've talked about many many times . One of my first projects at the new Tull house was to remove the glass shower doors in our hall bathroom . I have never liked how sliding glass shower doors look and they are impractical for many reasons . I do like the newer style frameless glass doors but those are not what I had here . My biggest concern is that they made things difficult for the kids . Our 9 year old struggled to open and close them . Our 3 year old hurt her feet getting into and out of the tub . And our 1 year old splashed water into the bottom track which made me cringe at the thought of how disgusting it was under there . So they had to go . I wish I had pictures of this process for you but didn 't decide to write a blog until after I was mostly done with the project . Oops ! Have I mentioned that my planning often leaves something to be desired ? The first step was to take down the sliders . It 's best to stand inside the tub while doing this . On my doors , the inner door was attached at the bottom by two small screws and once these were off it was easy to lift the door off the upper lip and then tilt it out . The outer door was only hanging on that upper lip so it just lifted and tilted out . Once the doors are removed is when the actual work begins . Most shower doors will be attached with either small screws or some sort of adhesive . In my case , the installer used a boatload of silicone which made things difficult . First you will need to remove the top of the door frame . For me , this meant using a sharp utility knife to slice through the silicone that attached this top bar . You will want to be careful not to scratch the finish on your tub and tub surround . Once you 've sliced through the sealant , just shove the top rail up and off . I used the top of my hammer to push it up part way and then had to twist and turn it a little to get the silicone to let go . The next step if to remove the two side rails . I needed to remove three screws from each side , slice through the silicone carefully , and then pull and twist . The bottom rail should be attached with just the sealant . The next step is to remove all the sealant left on your tub and surround with a scraper or razor blade . My biggest problem with this project has been the fact that silicone is a tool of the devil and does NOT want to come off anything . Whoever installed my shower door used way too much and spread it really thin to disguise the excess , making it super hard to remove . I have scraped until my hands bled and googled solutions for hours . I tried using magic erasers which helped a little but after I had gone through two , I wasn 't making any significant progress . My next step is to try using acetone and then WD40 . If neither of those work then I might try a silicone removal product from the home improvement store . I 'm hoping I don 't have to go that far because it sounds like the products made to remove silicone will ruin my fiberglass tub . My tub is discolored and scratched up from the shower door and , I assume , the installer so this isn 't the biggest concern I 've ever had but I 'd like to keep the damage to a minimum if possible . I enjoy home improvement , decorating , acting , modelling , reading , and sometimes cooking . I listen to country music , but please don 't hold that against me ! I am very particular but also super lazy so life annoys me but I struggle to do anything about it . I regularly run into walls and trip over my own feet . I try my best to be as eco - friendly as possible while not spending too much money or putting forth too much effort . Welcome to the House at Tull Corner . I 'm Heather Tull and I 'll be your flight attendant for today . I hope that this can become a place where we can trade DIY advice and ideas , have conversations that start with " I saw this on Pinterest " , and share some ideas on raising better kids in a better world .

The last post was all whining . This one is to say that my husband is a wonderful man . I couldn 't get through this without him . If I were rich and feeling well , I would buy him an extravagant gift . I would spend the whole day trying to make him feel appreciated for all he does and has done to help me , and our family , through this . I would buy him every i - gadget that money could buy . I love you , DH ! ! So . . . . have I mentioned how much I hate volunteering for torture chemo ? I mean HATE ! . . . . with a capital H . My husband keeps having to listen to me enumerate the many reasons why I am not ever letting them do this to me again . I won 't . I 'll run off to Hawaii , or buy some kooky " natural " cure online , or surround myself with crystals and incense and chocolate . . . . anything other than purposely letting someone poison my body and making me suffer for a week . This past week was difficult , not just because I felt so awful , but because the seriousness of my body 's reaction reminds me that I am dealing with a monster . There 's a reason the treatment is so drastic . I actually forget , sometimes , that I had cancer in me . It 's not so much forgetting , as possessing a combination of denial , faith , and optimism . . . . . although the line between faith and denial can be hard to discern . In my mind , I don 't really believe that I am going to have to deal with cancer again . I 've tried to " get through " everything that has been thrown at me , looking forward to sometime in September when I will be " done " with treatment / cancer . Of course , I won 't be done . I 'll be monitored and tested and watched closely for at least a couple of years . I 'll have to always be vigilant . It brings up memories of a woman I knew many years ago who had to go through treatment three different times , for three different cancers - - a mother of three children . I brought her meals and visited her , but I know that I probably had no concept of what she was dealing with , emotionally . She recovered and is hopefully doing well , having moved away some time ago . Still , I wonder how useful I was to a woman who has battled such a monster . Anyway , the realization that I may never be " done " with cancer , in the way that I want to be , washed over me during the worst of my days this week . It is frustrating to feel powerless ; to know there is only so much control that I have over my body , what it does , how it responds to treatment and the permanent effects of the treatments I have had , surgical or Posted by I measure everything by my treatment dates now . " Oh , that 's the week before chemo . I 'll be feeling fine let 's make plans for that week . " " Oh , that 's the week after chemo . I 'll be feeling like crap and having to stay out of public places . . . no can do ! " " Oh , the first day of school is 5 days after my treatment . I might not be well enough to take the boys that first day . " I have all my dates circled on the calendar and am working the entire family 's schedule around it . It 's kind of a bummer . I 'm just glad that after the first week of misery that I seem to rebound and start to feel normal . Let 's hope that pattern continues . Today I called up some friends of the boys , and their mom , and we hung out at the park and watched them run solidly for an hour , chasing each other , hiding from each other , and climbing the enormous oak trees . We came back to our house so that the boys could show the Wii to their friends and let them play with it . I talked and visited with their mom , who is the sweetest . It was a good time , and a great way to spend my last day before I go in for treatment tomorrow . I 'm hoping that I will do better this time around , now that I have more of a sense of what to expect . I have all my necessary meds and preparations all stocked up and ready to go . Maybe I can manage my symptoms better this time around . Here 's hoping . When I took a shower today , 1 / 3 of my hair came out in my hands . I couldn 't deny that it was all going to come out eventually . My sister - in - law came up and helped shave it off so that I wouldn 't have handfuls of long hair constantly coming out . Here 's my new look . I 'm ready for Boot Camp , Master Sergeant , Sir ! Here 's an unflattering photo of me with my gorgeous , size 2 , sister - in - law . She was so sweet to do this for me . She even brought me three beautiful scarves to cover my head . . . so as not to frighten the public . : - ) Me and my hair . Posted by This morning I punished my son . He was angry , crying , and completely frustrated . The punishment ? I made him eat something he really wanted for breakfast . Yes . . . . giving him what he wanted made him furious . It all started over a packet of Cinnamon Swirl Cream of Wheat . It was the last one in a house of two children ; both who love Cinnamon Swirl Cream of Wheat . Let the conflict begin . The Rationalist got to the box of cereal first , claiming the packet for himself . Intuitive Monkey proceeded to cry , wail , and bemoan the fact that he wanted it , and it wasn 't fair for his brother to have it , and the world is a cruel , cold place that doesn 't care about him . . . etc . Their solution was that nobody should get the Cream of Wheat . The Rationalist , pressured by his brother 's temper tantrum , was willing to forgo eating the cinnamon bowl of goodness . I appreciated his willingness to sacrifice , but was unwilling to let Monkey manipulate the situation . He has a bad habit of whining for what he wants , causing his brother to cave in and give him what he desires . I declared their solution as unacceptable . I was bumping up against the childhood version of " fairness " which is nothing more than a thinly veiled version of selfishness : You have something I don 't , or can 't , have . . . so that means you can 't have it either . It 's a principle based in miserly jealousy rather than being based in a desire to be equitable . I took my stand and explained that someone has to eat the last packet . Instead of being angry that one of them doesn 't have it , they should be willing to let the other person have something good . Oh the howls that assailed my ears ! This was too much for them to comprehend . The Rationalist admitted that he had teased Monkey about having the last packet . His guilt about his attitude when he snatched it out of the box was eating away at him . " Just let Monkey have it ! " he pleaded . " No . You 're right that you shouldn 't have teased him about it . That was mean and you should apologize , but it isn 't wrong for you to eat the last bowl of Cream of WhPosted by My hair is starting to fall out . It 's a little early . Cytoxan , one of the chemo drugs I 'm on , usually causes hair loss within 2 - 3 weeks . I 'm a few days shy of the 2 week mark , but some of my hair is already committing hari kari by leaping from my scalp onto the deadly spikes of my brush , or the distant ground below . If I listen closely , I can hear their muffled screams as they plummet to their deaths , " Aaaiieee . . . . ! " I have enough hair on my head for twenty people , so it 's not noticeable at this point , but if the process begins to accelerate , I 'm going to have to shave my head . I can 't walk around spontaneously leaving clumps of hair in a trail behind me like a molting animal . I may call my sister - in - law , a hair - dresser , and see if she wants to do the honor of shaving it for me . I 'm not sure if that would be a good idea , or not . She can be emotional and I don 't want her to freak out when it 's done and my head is bare . I 'll be doing enough freaking out for myself . I 'm feeling pretty good , now . Definitely manageable . The only problem is my White Blood Counts were too low - - 1 . 5 . 4 is the low end of normal . They have given me shots over the last two days to try and force my body manufacture more cells . Having my counts so low puts me at a high risk of infection . I 've been washing my hands . . . A LOT . Overall , I am recovering . I can do things around the house and I 'm not having the pain that I experienced that first week after treatment . I get tired out and feel a little weak sometimes , but I am in so much better shape than I was before . Thank You God ! I wrote this on Tuesday , July 8th . This is the first day that I have felt was manageable since Thursday . Chemo hit me hard and still reaches out to sock me every once in a while . It was way worse than I had anticipated . I spent most of the time bed - ridden and in pain from my body 's reaction to the treatment . I realized a few things . Prolonged physical suffering can reduce the average person to despair . I have had pain in my life . I have had several surgeries before , other times of not feeling well , but none of it can compare to how I felt this past week . There is a certain level of constant nagging pain that blocks out thoughts of anything else . You can 't watch TV . You can 't read a book . You can 't play a game . You can 't even carry on a conversation . All that rings through your head is the sound of your own discomfort , and the ticking of the clock as time slowly records your suffering . I had never experienced that before . It made me realize how out of touch I was with what real " suffering " was like . The visceral , raw potential for your body to make you miserable is unlimited . I laid in bed wondering how people with advanced cancer do this for years . I wanted to quit after this first treatment , and I 'm not just saying that . It took all my strength to keep from calling my oncologist and swearing that I would never consent to this legal torture again . I felt that badly . I 'm sure I will have more compassion for people dealing with chronic pain / illness in the future . Chemo is totally kicking my butt . I wish I could say it was all in my head , but my achy bones , constant fatigue and the ever - present sensation that I might be sick at any moment counter that thought - - that , and the fact that I have slept more than I thought humanly possible . I 'm having a hard time with it mentally . Localized pain and surgery , though drastic and no picnic , were much easier for me to deal with . Somehow the nagging flu - likeness seems worse to me than losing my breast . Trauma , emergencies , one - time events ; I can deal with them pretty handily . Knowing I am going to have go through this another 3 times over the next three months somehow seems more depressing and overwhelming to me . I just want to feel normal . Time , please pass quickly . I went in for my chemo around 9 : 00 am yesterday and was finished by 12 : 45 pm . I didn 't feel any differently immediately afterwards and even went to Wal - Mart with DH to pick up my anti - nausea meds . I had to pop a Compazine tablet towards dinnertime yesterday because I could definitely feel the nausea coming on . It helped with the nausea , but I didn 't feel up to eating . Today , I have some prescribed anti - emetics that I take for today and tomorrow . The second and third day after chemo are usually the worst as all the chemicals start working through your system . I don 't feel completely floored . I am definitely functional and the meds seem to help , but I do feel kind of shaky and a little out of it - - not 100 % , but about 85 % . My face and chest are flushed pink , a side effect of the Taxotere , I think . Otherwise , right now I am doing OK and hope I continue to weather everything with minimal downtime . Because of my unexpected trip to Illinois , I delayed my chemo for a few days . I was supposed to start on Monday , but changed it to tomorrow , July 2nd . Honestly , I haven 't had much time to think about it , or be consumed by nervous anticipation . I have been so busy with the trip , and caring for my mother , that it hasn 't even entered my mind . That 's probably a good thing . I started a course of oral steroids today , according to my oncologist 's orders . I take them the day before , the day of , and the day after chemo , supposedly to help with nausea and chemo side effects . I have been told that most people react to chemo , not on the day of treatment , but 2 - 3 days later , so the 4th of July might be interesting . Hopefully , the steroids will help . I 'll blog sometime tomorrow about how everything went down . The woman in blue is my mom . She threw herself under a horse , breaking a rib and her tibia , just so I would come up to visit her . That takes special determination . She 's doing better and was excited to finally get me and my kids up there to see her and where she lives . She moved to Illinois about 2 years ago . The guy in the gray tank top is my baby brother , only 19 . He 's getting ready to move out on his own to Chicago . My older brother is in the navy T - shirt on the right , with his little girl in the front , and his two boys on either side of my mom . He 's a school principal during the weekdays , but a giant kid in his off - time . The boys stayed overnight with my boys - - a cousin slumber party . We brought the Wii with us , which I think my brothers used more than the kids . There was some smack - down , testosterone - driven , competition going on up there , especially with the boxing game . Lots of trash talk . . . that 's my family . This is my younger brother , his wife , and their two kids - - who are so cute that they should star in Welch 's grape juice commercials . They moved up with my mom about two years ago , and have settled nicely into Midwestern life . We visited them a few times , letting the kids chase fireflies together . My boys would capture them and bring them to the girls who would giggle and shout at the glowing bugs . This is my lovely sister - in - law , the wife of my older brother . She is very sweet , but was out of town for the last part of my trip . She has Huntington 's and is just beginning to show slight symptoms . I was happy to see her , but heartbroken as we talked about the future . She is doing well , but knows her able - bodied , able - minded years are limited . We pray that her disease won 't advance significantly for many years . She doesn 't deserve this , nobody does . She has a pure heart , full of kindness . Visiting everyone makes me wish they lived closer . It was great to spend time together . Hopefully , we can make it back some time without someone having to injure themselves . : - ) During the second day of our trip to Illinois , we stopped in Kentucky at Mammoth Cave . We took a 2 - hour / 2 - mile tour through the cave , and we had a great time . Our tour guide was a colorful former Vietnam Vet , former drill sergeant , native Kentuckian , who was related to one of the original owners of the cave when it was still privately owned . He possessed a great talent for spinning tales and engaging the crowd of 100 tourists . I didn 't get a great picture , but here he is at the beginning of our tour . As we approached the mouth of the cave , cool air rushed over us , banishing the humid stickiness that enveloped the rest of the park . We descended 200 stairs into the cave and began the tour . Overall , it was relatively easy . There are some tight spaces , and several places where the trail narrows the crowd into a single file line . The trail was rough and dark , but doable with common sense . The cave itself is enormous in certain parts . The Rotunda Room , one of the larger parts of the cave , could easily hold a baseball stadium . Several sections open up into cathedral - worthy heights . Other sections , such as Fat Man 's Misery and Tall Man 's Agony , are not for the claustrophobic . They are true to their names , but fun to traverse through . The biggest disappointment lay in the fact that Mammoth Cave is , in general , not a growing cave . There are no stalactites , stalagmites , or bizarre mineral growths to see . Intuitive Monkey was discouraged because he had looked forward to finally seeing them , only to discover that there weren 't any there . He got over it and still had fun careening through the rocky darkness , as did we all . If we had had more time , it would have been fun to camp in the rest of the park . It was a luscious , wooded , green forest filled with hiking and bike trails . Maybe we 'll make it back some day . More pics , just because . Monkey says he 's not mad in this picture , just trying to look tough . 1 . It is possible to travel 2300 miles round trip with a six - year - old and eight - year - old without killing either one of them , or yourself . However , not screaming at them , or issuing idle threats , while they wrestle and throw pillows at each other as you 're trying to drive through a pouring thunderstorm , pinned between two semi - trucks going 70 mph , is impossible . " Don 't make me pull over this car ! " " You will lose your Wii and TV privileges for a month if you don 't cut it out ! ! " " You will lose your Wii , TV privileges , and outside time for 2 months if you don 't stop NOW ! ! ! ! " You won 't leave your room or see the light of day until school starts if this behavior doesn 't STOP IMMEDIATELY ! ! ! ! ! " I will suck the oxygen out of the car , and not let you breathe another lungful of air if you don 't CEASE AND DESIST THIS VERY MINUTE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! These incidents were brief , but always seemed to come at the worst time . 2 . OK . If you live in , or near Atlanta , we need to have a little talk . Now , I know it probably isn 't you personally , but I 'm willing to bet your family and friends are terrible drivers . Not the don 't - know - how - to - operate - a - vehicle kind of bad drivers , but the tail - gating - the - car - ahead - of - them - at - 80 - mph - while - swerving - through - three - lanes - of - traffic - without - signaling - and - talking - on - the - cell - phone , or smoking a joint like one mullet - headed SUV driver next to me , kind of bad drivers . You know it 's true , just admit it . I have driven through many major metro areas , but Atlanta is the only one that make me white - knuckle my through it with visions of multiple - vehicle , fiery , car crashes . 3 . Rest areas are your friend . Use them every chance you get and don 't believe any child who says they don 't need to - - they 're wrong . 4 . Even kids get tired of McDonald 's after a couple of days . 5 . When staying in motel rooms , try not to let the 20 / 20 special you saw about bed bugs , and germy sheets play over and over in your head . You 'll never sleep . 6 . Add an hour and a half to any estimated time Mapquest gives you . Their travel times are only accurate for robPosted by I appreciate comments . I don 't censor them unless you 're a spammer . I don 't respond to every comment . I 'm kind of lazy that way . But I do read them and think about them all . . . probably more than is healthy .

Cuzzies Leentjie and Vida and more cuzzies Sisters Family and Godparents to Talia My maaitjie ! Cuzzies and friend More cuzzies Such good friends Mila puppy … now a new home with Leentjie Besties But miracles still happen and we were blessed enough to travel together as a family instead of him first and us later . And after travelling for 28h30 hours with the four kids in tow , I am ever more grateful that we were able to do it this way . Edgar was more than capable to handle the older three girls requests and excitement while I could focus on settling Talia and taking care of her needs . The older three stayed up most of the night on the plane , we only boarded at 22h20 , watching movies and playing games . We thought it might be a good idea to just let them do that as we were flying to a country 10hrs ahead of us and in retrospect I think this is probably what saved them from suffering from too much jet lag in the end . Talia slept in the on board bassinet for a while , but after some turbulence I had to take her out and she stayed sleeping on my lap for most of the rest of the night . By the time we landed in Dubai the next morning I was exhausted , but the girls seemed in good spirits and not too tired . Luckily it was only a 2 hr stop over in Dubai , just enough time to disembark , have a loo break and find our next boarding gate . It all seems a bit fuzzy still to be honest … From Dubai we traveled another 16 or 18 hours to Melbourne . Talia was getting slightly restless by now , having been sitting on my lap for most of the time and we thought it a good idea to put her on the floor by our feet to move around a bit . She was rather happy with this , until one of the air hostesses informed us that this was not allowed . We were both baffled . For some reason they deem it safer to put her in a bassinet that attached to the wall of the plane , no seatbelt , just a velcro fastener for when they 're sleeping , rather than sitting on the floor . She offered the bassinet for her to sit in , but we declined and my champion husband did a couple of laps walking around with her on the plane . She had a couple of hours sleep again and wasn 't too fussy or noisy during the night . The other three were behaving like well seasoned travellers , watching movies , playing games and sleeping on and off , no complaints . We had to disembark again in Melbourne and this time we were all a bit knackered . I tried to catch a couple of Zz 's before we boarded but didn 't quite get enough rest . Once on the plane to Auckland our whole family just passed out for the most part . I managed to have two breakfasts in between landing in Melbourne and landing in Auckland though , but was starving again by the time we landed in New Zealand by about 2pm . We were welcomed by friendly Kiwi 's all round and didn 't have any hassles getting our luggage . As we had so many carry on bags we waited for the rest of the passengers to exit before we disembarked and ended up having to wait for the crew bus to take us to the terminal - the captain of the flight even helped carry our hand luggage to the bus for us . And because we were on the crew bus we ended up getting to the baggage claim before the rest of the passengers from our flight anyway . After getting our luggage we got everything balanced on two trolleys , Kayla managed to push the pram with Talia while me and Edgar handled the trolleys . As we exited the terminal an old friend from South Africa welcomed us with a warm smile . And then a Newspaper journalist and cameraman welcomed us with a barrage of questions about our feelings on the opposition party 's leaders ' new policies regarding immigrants ! I must have seemed like a fish out of water , gasping for air and trying to find a way out , but they were persistent , probably having had hung around the airport all day waiting for a family of immigrants to pass through the gates . I asked them what gave it away - the amount of baggage or the dark circles under my eyes from travelling for 28 + hours . She smiled and carried on asking about my feelings about the proposed new laws - something I knew nothing about . Eventually Edgar came to the rescue with a more articulate response and the cameraman set up a shot and photographed the whole family . Two days later we were on the front page and inside the local Sunday newspaper . I got sudden enquiries from friends around New Zealand , and even family in South Africa , asking if we were okay , were we deported , why are we in the Newspaper ? ? ? It doesn 't really seem that with the change we 'd really be affected as we 've got our visa 's for at least 5 years and after that we will see what the future holds . You can read the article here . I think they were hoping for more of a dramatic response , but we were way too tired to care … as you can tell by the lovely picture of me after 28 hours of travelling , no hairbrush or toothbrush passed my head or face in the past 18 before this picture was taken … We were then whisked onto a transfer bus , operated by another South African . The kids fell fast asleep on the way to the accomodation while the driver gave me full details on where to shop , where to stay , which schools to look at and general historical info about places and things we passed . My tired brain did not absorb much though … . I do know to shop at Countdown and Pak ' n Save though … The first night here the kids all went to bed around 9pm and slept for 12 hours straight . Myself and Talia struggled to go to bed , and even Edgar struggled a bit . The first day after our arrival was relaxed at the AirBnb , with a short stroll to the nearest beach and then on the Sunday we faced the public transport system and caught a bus and a ferry to visit another friend in Devonport . Once again the kindness of people just amazed . People we haven 't seen in over 8 years opened us with welcome arms into their home ( after asking us kindly to take off our shoes - no one cleaning up after you here , so leave the dirt outside ! ) We sat chatting for a couple of hours and got given take aways as we didn 't manage to get to a shop to buy food for the evening or next day . With a packet of pasta and sauce and dessert under arm we got driven back to the ferry . Big hugs and smiles made us feel welcome and eased us into the new country . I will forever be grateful that our first couple of days were filled with familiarity and a general sense of welcoming . Two or three days later my brain was fried . My memory was wiped clean and I suddenly couldn 't remember names of the suburbs we were looking at moving in to , names of series that I have been watching . Even my childrens ' names sounded unfamiliar in my ears . I messaged my husband the same message about three times and couldn 't make sense of some of the messages I sent him . Jet lag truly kicked in to full gear and I thought I had finally gone insane . Edgar told me to take a rest day , relax my brain and the next day I was almost back to fully functioning again . I take my hat off to Edgar for putting his big boy pants on and going to work by the Monday , only three days after we landed . He 's been amazing in figuring out the transport system and catching the buses to and from work everyday . It 's been an absolute joy to have him home for dinner every night . Me and the kids have been settling in very slowly , having more of a mini holiday rather than starting our new life . Until we find a home we will be relaxed on the home front as we can 't enroll them in school until we know what area we live in . Talia is struggling the most with the new time zone . Getting her back into a bed time routine has been the biggest challenge this week , with her being wide awake after 8pm and normally only going to sleep after 9pm . Myself and Edgar has been ready to pass out after 9pm most nights now , so I think we are now on Kiwi time . This weekend we will be looking at a couple of houses , hopefully finding one to call home . We do have accommodation booked until the 25th of June , but we would really like to settle in to our own place sooner rather than later . Schools close for holidays around 7 July , so if we can get ourselves settled before then and enroll the kids in school by then it would make things a bit more smooth sailing . Today is a week since we landed . Me and the girls took a 20 minute stroll to the beach yesterday , spent about 2 or so hours there , relaxing and taking it all in . It still feels like we 're just on holiday . A friend from school has lend us a car for the day . Such a blessing . We will be meeting up with them tomorrow and they 've offered us a bed for the night as we move between booked accomodation . The kindness of people still surprise me and amaze me . We went for a drive today to get to another beach , had a bit of a walk around and then got caught in the rain trying to get back to the car . It was exhilirating and fun . And slightly damp and cold . After work we went for another drive to get some food and the freedom you suddenly feel with having your own transport is rather amazing and liberating . I think we 'll be purchasing a car soon . Having to get out of your car to put your own fuel in was also a new experience , and I had to smile as I thought if Edgar wasn 't with me I probably would have forgotten that I had to do it myself and would have sat in the car like some idiot waiting for a non existant petrol attendant . We have been a bit amazed at the price of things , but been told to stop converting to rands as it would drive us crazy . Earn dollars , spend dollars , think dollars . As we close out week one of our journey I am grateful . Grateful for old friends , willing to pick us up , feed us , put us up and borrow us cars . Grateful for work . People willing to let Edgar settle in and allow him the time off to open bank accounts and get on with doing what needs to be done to start a new life . I pray for the perfect property in the perfect neighborhood to come along . The company Edgar is working for has kindly given us a housing budget for the first month as well as reimbursed us for money spent to get here , so we have a bit of play room with finances - but we do still have to refurnish a whole house . Luckily there are plenty of Salvation Army style stores here as well as Trade Me to assist in doing that affordably . I would like to say that it hasn 't been as stressful as I imagined it to be , and I truly believe that thus far it hasn 't - except for the temporary memory loss , it really has been uneventful and relatively ' easy ' . I imagine once we 've settled into normal life the homesickness will catch up and we will truly start missing people , but right now , we are just so focused on doing what needs to be done to have a good life . Adventure awaits ! ! anxiety babies career children Edgar Faith Friends friendship immigrating immigration job joy kids Kids . Love . People . Emotions . life lessons love memory motherhood Moving parenting politics privilege safety sanity Stress . Fear . Hope Uncategorized 2 Comments We have landed in New Zealand ! Okay , we 've been here for almost a week already and it 's been rather chilled in a way - besides trying to find a home and Edgar starting his new job already , me and the girls have been having kind of a mini holiday . The fact is that we can 't enroll the kids in school until we find a house and finding a house takes a bit of time as we have to schedule viewings and since Edgar is working and I 'm without a car we 're kind of limited to when we can view houses . The result is that thus far we haven 't really experienced too much of a culture shock or ordinary life in New Zealand yet - but it will come . We have been blessed with Edgar 's work covering our accommodation costs for the first couple of weeks , so we 've been living in a very cute and comfortable AirBnB . I made contact with a school friend of mine who lives in Auckland as well , and he has very kindly offered us place to stay and a car to borrow until we find our own , if needed . At this stage my biggest task is to find a home … there are not many furnished places available so once we do find a home the next task will be to furnish with the necessities . And this is where it 's going to get interesting I think . I had a bit of a chat with the girls , asking them what they think is priority to get first , and I was pleasantly surprised by their answers actually . The 7yo immediately said beds or mattresses need to happen first ! The 5yo said a fridge and blankets ! And the 9yo agreed that we need beds and probably some cutlery and crockery . Second in line for them was couches and yes , of course not too far behind all that was a TV … . which I told them we 'd probably have to hold off on for a bit longer - maybe after some curtains and bedding . I have heard that there are plenty of Salvation Army stores around New Zealand where household things can be picked up at reasonable prices , so once we find a home we 'd go hunting for these stores ! Thus far the biggest challenge has been for Edgar to open a bank account . We werUncategorized Leave a comment Scrolling through FB can be fascinating , frustrating , infuriating and sometimes just downright depressing . Never before have we been so exposed and flooded with world news , fake news and biased opinions . It 's a platform for everyone to voice their opinions and thought , no matter how dumb or inspired . I read posts that make me smile and I hit the ' like ' button … I read a post that makes my blood boil , type out a response and delete it … why waste time on negativity right ? Some people will just believe what they believe without ever putting themselves in others positions . We advocate and fight for equality of races and genders at the same time we 're breaking each other down . Breastfeeding mothers get broken down for feeding in public whilst celebrities flaunt nipples everywhere and gets admired for being comfortable in their own bodies . People with questionable morals throw judgement towards people standing up for their beliefs and basic human rights . Minority groups shout " hate " everytime someone don 't agree with their choices or lifestyles , all the while spewing hate themselves towards the ones they don 't agree with . Hipocrisy is rife but we all fail to see it in our own lives . Basic respect for humanity is lower than low . Millions suffer daily because the governments meant to look after them are lining their own pockets . Propaganda fuelling hate and discord bombard us daily . Pop culture is filled with feuds and still using sex to sell . Only now it 's even more degrading , even more shocking , even more gross . Narcism is rife with celebrities focusing all their attention on themselves . Be famous for famous sake , not for having any talent . Social media is a two edged sword . Our constant longing for acceptance and connection gets somehow satisfied whilst also being torn further from reality . There 's subtext to people 's news feeds and if you pay close enough attention you can see who 's cheating , who 's thinking of someone they shouldn 't , who 's happy , who 's just looking for the next personawareness cultures Friends friendship honesty life lessons politics Uncategorized Leave a comment It is now official . We are going on a cross ocean adventure ! My BH got his 5 year work visa for New Zealand approved and now the reality of moving to another country is slowly setting in . The logistics involved is rather intimidating , and one of the reasons for this post . For anyone considering moving to a new country - don 't let the fear intimidate you . There are so much information available regarding what you need and what you need to do , you just need to spend some time reading and researching - which is recommended if you 're going to immerse yourself in another culture . There are licensed consultants who can steer this whole process for you and would be able to tell you exactly which visas to apply for and tell you exactly which documents you need when applying and they will charge you a ridiculous amount of money to do so . The least expensive price we could find was R13 000 . 00 excl . any visa costs . Our experience has been amazing and from getting our kids Unabridged Birth Certificates , to getting our own Visa 's approved has really been a smooth process . The hiccups have been minimal and rather speedy once we actually started it . The main piece of advise I can give is not even got to do with visa 's . If at all possible try to find a job before you go . I do believe that is the biggest reason our journey has been so smooth . We started talking to a NZ company about a possible position for my husband almost a year ago and now we will all be going over within the next month . As soon as my husband had a formal job offer it was easy to start the visa process . We could figure out exactly which visa he needed and once his was approved it was easy enough to file for myself and the kids . As his position is quite high and skilled he applied for an Essential Skills Work Visa . I applied for an open - work visa , or Partner of a work visa holder visa , the three eldest kids applied for Student visa 's and the baby for a visitors visa . All our visa 's are for 60 months and are approved on the strength of my husband 's job offer . His salary meets the necessary amount needed to be a sponsor for all 5 of us and because I 've got an open - work visa I can work in any industry and for any employer . Which is also a bit funny as my husbands visa is quite specific that he can only work for the company that gave him the job offer . If he wants to change companies he 'd need another visa - but the aim is to decide after 3 years if we would want to apply for residency class visa 's . I could write a long post about what you need to do and how to go about ensuring your visa gets approved , but honestly all the information you need on what to do and where to go is on the website . It even has checklists for every single visa as well as a guide on how to fill it out . It tells you exactly what you need to do and there 's a help line you can phone if needed . I 'm not sure I understand why there are Immigration Agencies . They seem to be selling a service that gets used often and I think that it might be that people just don 't have the time to go through the processes . Either way , if you do have the extra cash to pay an agency to walk you through it , by all means , use it , but we had to do it frugally . A brief outline of what we did : Husband negotiated with a company in NZ about job / position / salary . That took the longest . Once he had a formal job offer things started happening faster . The whole family had to go for a medical and adults for chest X - rays . We also had to do urine tests and there was a bit of a glitch with my sample - a couple of times . For some reason blood kept showing up and after about 4 separate tests we eventually did a microscopic test and it came back negative for blood . Then my husbands ' medical had to be referred to a NZ health professional as he is on chronic medication , so they had to make sure it 's nothing serious . We expected a much longer delay because of this , but it was only a couple of days . After we received approval for his visa , me and the kids could apply for ours and did so a week later . As our three eldest are school going age we applied for Student Visas as this means they can go to school as Domestic students and benefit from no school fees and free health care . Our youngest are too young for school and thus only needed a visitors visa . Because we are using my husband as our sponsor , all our visas had to have certified copy of his approved visa attached as well as a sponsorship form . We got our visas approved within less than 2 days . Amazing . Now our biggest challenge is selling all our furniture and buying our tickets out of here . At this stage my husband will fly over first and find a suitable home for us so that when we join him two weeks later we can move in . We still have to arrange and pay for a small container to ship our necessities . And we still have to find a house that side that 's close enough to his office for him not to have to buy a car straight away . We have to get immunization records for all the kids sorted as they need it for school on that side … I 've got three of the four … my eldest 's card got misplaced in one of the seven moves we 've done in the past eight years . We are waiting for my husband and my unabridged birth certificates - justMy advise to anyone thinking about immigrating : Read , research and trust that you 've got this ! Don 't rush it . We started this process a year ago and we often got a bit despondent because things weren 't happening fast enough for our liking … but honestly - a year is a good amount of time to really go through the process and make that commitment . We 're not there yet … but we are almost there . The biggest thing about moving to another country is well , you just won 't know if it 's going to be the way you imagine it to be . Is it worse than you imagined - or is it better ? We know it 's going to be different and our reasons for doing it is I guess another huge thing to consider when moving to another country . A lot of people move to other countries because of work , or family , or safety , or to explore and learn … Or for all those reasons . And once our feet touch ground that side life is going to be upside down - and that 's a good thing ! Reality is setting in slowly , and time is speeding up towards a goal … Big life changing events … I always find myself counting down the years / months / weeks / days … and having had four kids , well , let 's say I 'm getting quite good at counting down the seconds until the next life changing event / adventure . This one though … it 's daunting . More daunting than having four kids . Maybe because the reality of the responsibility of said event is felt a bit wider than our inner circle . But me being the introvert that I am , can 't really comprehend how this event would really affect those outside of this little circle of ours . I would certainly hope it affects people , but I 'm convinced that that 's got more to do with my amazing husband and spectacular children . Me … well , let 's just say I believe it would affect more people if I stayed … like my husband and kids would be affected if I stayed … and if I went . Not so sure about anyone else really . My day to day interactions with people are limited to my children most of the time … and my husband . I 'm not saying I don 't have friends that I truly love and miss and would love to sit and have a cuppa or vino with … but not to the extend that it would be life changing … The friends I do have - well , let 's just say that we can go years without seeing each other and when we do it 's like we just saw each other yesterday . Real friends . The ones you know you 'll always love and talk to and hang out with , no matter how old you get , how long it goes without seeing or talking to . The ones you are truly you with and they know you . There 's no pretense or unfamiliarity . There 's just truth and love . Those are the friends I do have and know that they 're not really affected by this - well , not to the extend that it 's life changing for them … So no . That 's not why it 's daunting . So maybe it 's the finality of it ? But it 's not a finality really … I mean , it 's a 5 year plan right now … which is yes longer than we 've ever planned ahead . Ok , besides marriage and having kids , I mean that 's a lifelong plan … but I mean a plan for our and our childrens ' future . Besides having them , it 's tough raising kids . They keep changing . I suppose some people call it growing . It 's just fascinating to watch these little beings become more or less like yourself and your better half . My second eldest is a prime example of that . I realised that I got her figured out a bit later than my husband had her figured out … but you see he understood her previous " stage " or " phase " because he saw a lot of himself in her . And now as she 's entering a new " phase " of her growth I see more of myself in her than before . And she 's got me figured out ! Which is amazing to me , because she 's known me for only 7 years … some people have known me for a lot longer and still don 't get me ! 🙂 She has finally figured out where the line is , which buttons does what and for about 90 % of the time she puts that knowledge to good use in dealing with me . But that 's not the topic … the finality … no . It 's not a final plan … it 's a 5 year plan , to explore a new way of thinking , a new way of living . Living and raising our family together . In one house for the most part . As a unit . And after 5 years . Well , then we 'll make the next plan , for the next 5 or 10 years … who knows . We might start planning ahead . Or we might not . I mean , I can 't tell the future . I can just live each day / week / month / year as it happens and trust that we are moving in the right direction . That we are doing the best , ABSOLUTE best for our kids , in a way that works for all of us in our little family . And this brings me to the daunting bit I think . The right direction . What is the right direction ? I guess that all really depends on your morals , your beliefs , your faith , your ' north ' . It 's dangerous these days to talk about our beliefs and faith without feeling that we might be judged for it . Everyone has rights ! And we will judge you for using those rights ! People shout hate - crime or hate - speech every time someone voices their beliefs to someone that doesn 't share those beliefs . So , suffice it to say that there are always differing beliefs within groups of people , but throughout this process my belief in God and His calling and His hand upon our decisions and within our lives have just been confirmed each step of the way . And as I sit here typing this , an e - mail comes in , confirming that my and the kids visas have all been approved . Unbelievable . I 've lost count of the amount of little miracles we 've experienced in this process . We only applied for our visas the day before yesterday . It normally takes up to 25 days to process . And we heard back in ONE day ! So all these little miracles just adds up to solidify that we are moving in the right direction . Which is daunting - but mostly so exciting ! ! ! ! So yes . Adventure awaits . In a new country , with a different way of being and doing . And we are saddened by the thoughts of leaving friends and family behind , but we are excited to live this life as a family unit . After 9 years of parenting , 12 years of marriage , countless moves back and forth from city to city within South Africa , we have finally found a place where we can focus on our family , whilst still pursuing our passions for our chosen careers . career child rearing children Christ Faith Friends friendship future God growing up hope Kids . Love . People . Emotions . life lessons love motherhood Moving parenthood parenting parenting support trust truth Uncategorized work Leave a comment I 've read and heard various opinions about the video game , Minecraft , and it 's varied from good to bad to downright horrendous . There 's been instances of sexual abuse within the gaming platform as well as a report of a kid going into a comatose state from playing Minecraft . It 's scary stuff . The comatose kid had to go for therapy to get him off his addiction to this game , and the sexually abused kid had to also receive some kind of treatment as the gaming reality seemed so real and she physically felt abused . Some truly horrible stuff yes , and as a mother of four daughters it scares me to even contemplate either one of those possibilities . But can I voice my opinion … my humble no doctorate or phd or fancy degree , just staying at home 24 / 7 with my kids opinion ? Because boy I really hate having to listen to everyone else bashing something that I truly find useful and helpful . Firstly , my kids are 5 , soon to be 7 and 9 , and the youngest too young to care . They NEVER play any online games , so the risk for sexual predators on these gaming platforms are null . And they NEVER play alone . They are not allowed to play games by themselves , because yes , inherently video games are anti - social . So , if they want to play , one of their sisters must want to play with them . And most of the time they 're only allowed to play an hour at a time , take a break , switch partners , play for another hour and then go play outside , draw , colour or do something other than stare at a screen . I 've watched my kids play more often than not as well and if they do play unsupervised it 's while I 'm around in the house busy with well , all those fun SAHM stuff we do … . ( yeah that 's right , we actually have other stuff to do besides entertain our kids ) If they argue or fight over anything within the game it gets turned off . If they react negatively after being told it 's time to turn it off , they get banned from playing it for a couple of days . If they nag to play , they don 't get to play at all . They 're mostly , excluding weekends andBesides playing Minecraft they also play various Kinect games . We opted for the Xbox 360 with Kinect because of the physicality of the games and I 've been quite pleasantly surprised at the variety of games available for this . We 're busy trying out a couple of demo 's and there 's dancing games , Star Wars fighting games , Boxing and of course all the athletics and adventure sports games - and it 's fun to watch them play , as well as joining in with them . I walked into the house yesterday after telling them they can try out one of the dance demos and they were just bouncing and laughing and getting a good work out to boot . So yes . My humble SAHM opinion is that if you 're going to leave your kid to their own devices and not monitor their activity then you 're going to find trouble - or rather they more than likely are . Do I use the gaming console as a babysitter ? No - if it was a babysitter I could leave my house . I don 't do that . I think irresponsible parenting is causing more issues than games and screens , but instead of monitoring and being present with children while they are using these devices , it 's easier to point the finger at the games or videos or whatever and say how bad they are for kids . Do we really need to read about the fact that there might be sexual predators in these online games to not allow our very young kids to play online games ? Surely it 's naive to think your kid is safe online , in any game … or that letting your kid play games or stare at a screen for more than 20 % of their awake time won 't have an influence , especially if you 're giving them free reign on where and what and when they 're playing .

His first student was an African - American man , let 's call him Micah , who had recently been released from prison , where he did his time for felony larceny . Upon his release , his girlfriend was waiting for him and they had a little girl . Micah wanted to fly straight and get out of the criminal life for his family . He proved an apt pupil . Daddy said he was very bright and he improved by leaps and bounds . As Micah got to trust Daddy , he confided in him how difficult it was within his society to avoid crime and better himself . The men especially harassed him , accusing him of " turning whitey " . Daddy worked hard with him and had him prepped and ready for his GED . Mom called and told me and I asked to speak to Daddy . By the time he came to the phone I was already crying , sobbing actually . My dad 's voice was calm and even as he relayed the facts to me . I cried and cried about how horrifying and unfair the tragedy was . I haltingly tried to explain to Daddy how upset I was and how unjust the world was . I remember when I was 12 , our little cat died . My dad built him a coffin and the cat actually lay in state in the basement a bit before Daddy took him out and buried him in the woods . Alone . And then Daddy disappeared for the rest of the day . I could occasionally could hear him sobbing . And I hid too , feeling like I was witnessing something I shouldn 't . Daddy 's emotions obviously ran deep ; he was very tender - hearted , but he just couldn 't let anyone see . What did I hear in his voice ? He was so restrained . I hardly heard any grief . A little anger ? A hint of , not derision , but a feeling on his part that I was railing against something that I never in my life would truly be able to understand . The Houma situation was as far from the New Orleans situation as could possibly be imagined . We worked there at Chabert Hospital , since closed down , called Little Charity , as it was a branch of the Catholic Charity Hospital system in New Orleans . The town was poor , the inhabitants were poor , and the hospital was poor . The residents stayed in free apartment housing during their rotations there . The apartments were located behind the hospital itself , within walking distance , so you could stay there when you were on call . The apartments were ancient , and notable on my part for the fact that the entire ceiling of my apartment once fell in without warning , and for the fact that they had pulled a six foot alligator out of the decrepit swimming pool . This guy and I met at these apartments . He was single , and the single residents sort of gravitated toward each other . He and his best friend , also a member of his residency program , tended to gravitate more towards strippers than to fellow residents , but I lured him in with my fabulous video game system , bought more on the " If You Build It , They Will Come Theory " than to my predilection for video games . I got a lot of single guys to come over and hang out for beers and video games . I am no idiot . He was one of those guys , and we got to know each other during late night beer and video - fueled chats . He was a pretty remarkable guy . He was very very bright , and good at what he did . He was also a big birdwatcher , which is an adorably geeky pastime , and guaranteed to draw me in , as my father was always a big time birdwatcher too , which made this guy instantly appealing . When we walked around outside , he was always showing me birds . He pointed out a shrike one day , on a barbed wire fence . He explained how the shrike would catch food , usually some kind of insect , and leave it impaled on the barbed wire or a twig for later consumption . I thought that was amazing . We seemed so close to hooking up . He used to hang out in my apartment , lolling about on the carpet in a manner that seemed to me to invite me to join him , but I never did . He was too handsome , and too cool , and too rich , and I was terrified of rejection . This guy had an amazing car . I am a sucker for awesome cars , always have been , probably due to the fact that my father revered antique Chevys , which he worked on himself . They were all V - 8 's , and my first car ever was a V - 8 Chevy , around 1960 vintage , The thrum thrum of that awesome engine and the amazing speed with which that immense car got off the block left me loving automotive power . So , the guy had a brand new red Supercar ( unusual and expensive enough that I will not name the model here ) . Even had he failed to have any of his many other charming attributes , this one fact alone would have drawn me in . He and his friend and I would cruise out to the few clubs in town , not as a date , but to go dancing , and , for them , hang out with strippers . The best part of this for me , besides the clubbing , which I enjoyed , was the fact that when he and his friend became too wasted to drive , they would let me drive the car home . He was hanging out in my apartment , and we were listening to music and drinking beer , and he remarked that he desperately needed a haircut . " I have a Swiss Army knife , " I told him . " I can cut it . " For some strange reason , he was intrigued by that idea and thought that was a good plan . I sat on the floor with him , and cut his hair with the scissors on my good old knife , and amazingly , it turned out great . He thought that was the coolest thing ever , and told anyone who would listen at work the next day about his haircut . I guess maybe he liked me . I was in a dark time then and had just been dumped by a 5 - year emotional terrorist , and had no self - confidence to make an aggressive move . I have always regretted that I didn 't . When I signed up to do my residency at Ochsner , which is in New Orleans , I signed up to spend half my time in a small town an hour south of New Orleans called Houma . I wasn 't sure about this at first but Houma turned out to be the most delightful place ever ! Houma is right on the Intercoastal Waterway and they have shrimp boat festivals and other fun water activities . The locals love to fish , and if you are very , very nice , they will share some of their favorite fishing holes with you . You can actually see the oil rigs on the Gulf from the upper floors of Chabert Hospital , which is part of the Charity Hospital system , and which we called " Little Charity " . Big Charity is in New Orleans . It is not Ochsner and I did not have to work there , thank goodness . Most of our patients came into Chabert Hospital straight out of the bayous . Grand Cailloux bayou had a bridge over it that we drove into town on , but at one time there was no bridge ; there was just a ferry as the only way into town . There were many a tale about babies born on the ferry as their mothers tried to get over to Chabert to birth their babies . There were many feuding families out there on the bayous , and you had to be careful who you put next to who in the hospital beds . The drive to Houma from NOLA is about an hour , and it passes along sugar cane fields and factories , and numerous bayous . In hurricane / rainy season the road floods and has sandbags along side of it . You can frequently see alligators floating in the water when it covers the road . We were expected to make the drive there whether the road was flooded or not . They used to have a rule about driving back to New Orleans postcall because so many sleepy residents wound up in ditches along the way back . There is a fabulous stop off on the road between Houma and NOLA : an A - frame building called Frank 's Bloody Marys . Frank makes the best bloodys I have ever had in my life . They are topped off with homemade pickled string beans rather than celery , which I don 't like anyway . You can even buy you a jar of those delicious tangy beans if you like . Frank 's is a great stopoff if you are on the way back to New Orleans for the weekend . You can sit out back along the bayou , watch the garfish roil the water and pirogues pass by , and sip your bloody . Houma itself boasts some of the most wonderful food - real down home Cajun cooking . There was a restaurant called Geno 's across the street from the hospital where you could get low country boils with crawfish , potatoes , corn , sausage and onions , or if you were in the mood for something amazingly rich , Geno 's she - crab soup . This was more like a bisque cram - packed with lump crabmeat straight out of their fresh she - crabs . You can also order a plate of the crabs for cracking - they have a handy " pull tab " on their underside that opens them right up . Don 't eat the yellow stuff . Next to Geno 's was a pub where the residents went after work to throw darts and blow off steam . I spent many an enjoyable night in there tossing down beers and tossing out darts - of course , the more beers I had , the better I got . They also had a couple pool tables and we enjoyed many an evening there shooting pool if the dart boards were occupied . I have heard , tragically , that Geno 's and the nexHouma was great for biking . One day I rode all the way up to the airport and rode up a " road " , which turned out to be a runway . A startled pilot in a small plane came in right over me and I threw my body and my bike to the ground . That was very exciting and I felt real stupid . I also did a lot of rollerblading , mostly in the flat empty parking lot out behind the hospital when I was on call . It was in view of the window from labor and delivery , and the nurses used to hold up signs with scores on them evaluating my roller blading performance . I fell on my butt a lot , once so hard that I went and had my tailbone x - rayed . I don 't know what I would have done if the tailbone was broken , because you can 't cast a tailbone . Houma had myriad shave - ice stands , which were open most of the year , and offered the most flavor varieties of snow cones I 've ever seen . I used to get those to cool off in the afternoons , and my tongue would turn blue or green or orange according to my current flavor of choice . They even had sugar - free flavors ! There was even a nightclub in Houma where we could go out dancing . Weekend nights , groups of us headed there . I had a friend who was an opthalmology resident who came from a family that was rich as stink , and he had an Acura NSX . I made sure to be around him when it got late in the evening , because he would be too drunk and would let me drive it back to the apartments . I loved that beautiful car . I had quite a thing for its owner as well . I know people were hesitant to accept the residency at Ochsner because of the half year every year spent down south in Houma , but for me that town was a wonderful experience . It survived Katrina somehow and it survived Isaac . I 'm dying to go back down there and see what it looks like and sample that wonderful food and those bloody marys once again . I don 't trust the wildlife in Louisiana . I lived there for four years , half of which I spent in New Orleans , and the other half of which I spent an hour south of New Orleans in a little city called Houma . Over those four years , I encountered wharf rats , Formosan termites , striped mosquitos that would suck you dry , nutria ( giant swamp rats ) , giant dragonflies , car tire sized snakes , turtles , plagues of tree frogs and numerous aligators . The wildlife in New Orleans was about what you 'd expect . The city is full of rats . ( See my blog on the rats in the walls ) . Our house was full of rats . We could hear them in the attic all night and when they got bored , they came down into the walls by our beds and scratched at the wood . They were giant Norwegian wharf rats , and they resembled small puppies with hairless tails . We would sit on our front porch at night and count the rats as they traveled the electrical wires from house to house and kitchen to kitchen . They would eat and destroy everything that wasn 't in a can , so all groceries including flour and coffee had to be kept in the refrigerator . And that 's not even mentioning the giant flour weevils that would infest any and all baking supplies , sealed cannister or not . The mosquitoes were a force to be reckoned with . They were a funny looking mosquito , not like the ones in Alabama where I grew up , with black - and - white striped legs . And they left black - and - white striped bloody dust on your legs when you popped them . The weirdest wildlife in New Orleans were the Formosan termites . They were giant winged things that had sneaked off some ship in the harbor , I guess from the vicinity of Formosa . They were horrifying . You had to turn off every outdoor light and most indoor lights at night in the summer , or the swarms of Formosans would come and invade your house . Then they would infest it permanently . We were swarmed by Formosans once in the upstairs bathroom . Something must have attracted them ; a light left on or perhaps all the rotting wood . They were terrifying to behold . All over New Orleans were houses covered in brightly striped fumigation tents , trying to get rid of their enormous termites . We gassed them with an industrial sized can of Raid , which we kept for the cockroaches . The cockroaches of New Orleans are of Jurassic size , with the unlikely benign - sounding name of " palmetto bug " . They are extremely aggressive and will fly out at you if you open a kitchen cabinet at night . One evening my rThe wildlife in Houma was even stranger and more exotic . In addition to the enormous rats , cockroaches , mosquitos and termites , there is a selection of prehistoric - seeming critters that crawl up out of the swamps . First , there are nutria , which are really giant swamp rats . Bigger even than the rats in New Orleans . Fortunately they prefer swamps and stay in them . They resemble nothing so much as the ROUSes in Princess Bride . Apparently the nutria were once very popular in trade with the Russians , who made fur hats out of them . Alligators go without saying . You could see them every day in the bayoux that ran along the roads . What did NOT go without saying was that there was a six foot alligator they hauled out of our apartment swimming pool . There were also red eared slider turtles constantly hatching in our pool . We would pull silver dollar sized baby turtles out of the drain traps all the time . We used to keep them as pets . And the tree frogs - well , let 's just say that we were near to having a plague of tree frogs . You could hear them chirping and croaking all night , and if you left the porch light on , it would be covered with cute green red eyed frogs who came to eat the bugs . Armadillos were rampant . And they got BIG . They dug holes in everyone 's gardens and yards . When startled they jump , and they would jump while crossing the road and hop up right into the axle of a semi . Then they were dead armadillos - they were lying around as road kill everywhere . My residency program director hated them so bad you couldn 't even say the word " armadillo " to him . There were swamp snakes as big as truck tires . One morning in clinic I heard birds squawking hysterically so I went and looked out the window . There , winding through the grass behind the clinic and heading toward the bayou , was a snake so large it rivaled the ones I have seen in the zoo . It was literally as big around as a tire , and as black . The locals creatively dub them " swamp snakes " . The bayoux were full of prehistoric garfish . You could seeLet 's just say my life in Louisiana was educational . I have always been big on animals , so to speak , but I must say some of the creatures I encountered there were nothing short of sinister . So as I always like to say , I don 't trust the wildlife in Louisiana . I took a trip to New Orleans this weekend . It was a by myself kind of a trip , which can be the best kind . DH took A on a trip to Chattanooga and they enjoyed the aquarium and the children 's museum and some caves and generally had a good old time . My trip to New Orleans , ironically , was planned as a bachelorette party for my old friend C by one of her other friends . Well , that other friend backed out at nearly the last minute because she suddenly realized that she didn 't have any money and couldn 't afford to pay for any of the trip or the hotel room she had reserved . Then everyone else backed out , and at the last minute , C backed out , since hurricane Isaac hit and flooded everything between where she lives and New Orleans . So I spent a very pleasant weekend in New Orleans by myself , and I did NOT have to dress up as a 1980 's singer , which was a huge relief . I used to live there , so I was perfectly happy to walk in the Quarter for hours , exploring to see if my old haunts were still there . Most of them were . I found Coop 's , which was my favorite dive bar / restaurant where I went all the time when I was living there . It is definitely a local place , where the patrons sing raucously along to the jukebox , and dance when a line - dance type song comes on . The music is as diverse as the patrons and they were howling along to hiphop when I walked in ( I ain 't sayin ' she 's a GOLDdiggah , but she ain 't messin ' wit ' no broke - broke ) , followed by more howling for Cher . IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME , they bawled . I ordered my perennial favorite , rabbit and sausage jambalaya , and the waitress plied me with multiple waters as my sweat had obviously grossly soaked through my clothes in the summer subtropical heat . The jambalaya tasted just like I remembered . The following morning found me in the Cafe du Monde , snarfing iced coffee and beignets , which were also just as I remembered them . Six musicians met right in front of the cafe and played Down by the River and When the Saints Come Marchin ' In until I nearly bawled from realizing how much I had missed living in New Orleans . I spent a leisurely morning in the French Market , buying gifts for my daughter and haggling with the vendors ( one of which actually remembered me ) for old African trade beads . My friend Angel was gone . " Angel " Elaine Binney was a truly gifted body piercer who had kept her place across from the French Market . She did my first real piercing before I even moved to New Orleans - she pierced my navel . She actually did it twice . I was in New Orleans interviewing for residency , and after taking a tour of her place with my friend R , I impulsively returned alone for the navel piercing . When I returned home , my boyfriend at the time was horrified by the piercing and wanted me to take it out . I made a deal with him . If I was going to take it out , he was going to take me out to dinner , pay me the seventy bucks I 'd paid to have the piercing done , and if he really wanted it gone he was going to have to deal with it enough to take it out himself . Somehow he managed to take it out without throwing up . After I was living in New Orleans and he was still living in Alabama , our relationship was crumbling and I defiantly went back to Angel and had her put the piercing back in . He showed up the next week and broke up with me , before he even saw that I had replaced the piercing . After that , I got several more piercings with Angel , and I came to really like and respect her . She did one of my most interesting and rare piercings , called a Daith , that passes through the internal cartilege of the ear . She said not many people would attempt that . It was very painful , but I always get lots of compliments on it . She actually came to Oschner Hospital to teach the OR about proper care of piercings before and after surI stuffed myself with fabulous New Orleans food . I did make an abortive attempt at eating at Jacque - Imo 's , another of my favorite places , but they were closed as they had no power from hurricane Isaac . I got to eat at the Sazerac , since I stayed at the Roosevelt Waldorf , which was the very height of luxury . I found out after hearing some barking that for a mere $ 150 per night , your doggy can stay with you . I had gumbo , and jambalaya , and pralines and red beans and rice . I found , sadly , that many years after hurricane Katrina , that it is still one of the most discussed subjects amongst New Orleanians and still is having an adverse effect on thousands of people and their properties . We drove past boarded up neighborhoods on the way out of the airport and apparently hundreds of properties were left abandoned and never repaired . Now Isaac has flooded outlying areas that were spared by Katrina and destroyed more properties . When I was a resident in New Orleans , we lived in this cool old double shotgun 2 story house uptown . We were the only renters on St . Joseph . All of the other houses were owned , and we were HORRIBLE neighbors . One half of the house was , basically , occupied by an off - campus branch of a Loyola frat house . The other half , my half , was occupied by a bunch of diverse and intrepid Ultimate Frisbee players . I did not really play frisbee . I had a boyfriend who LIVED Ultimate , and who badly wanted me to play but I sucked , and I did not play . Our side was occupied by a mixed racial couple , an ice climber , a PhD student in Mayan studies , and me , an Ob / Gyn resident . Our house looked like hell . The lawn was full of weeds . The gates were sagging . The paint was peeling . We had loud parties , often overflowing into both sides of the house , and people camping in the front and back yards at Mardi Gras time . We were , in short , complete nightmare neighbors . We sat on the front porch swings all night , even on week nights , smoking cigarettes and drinking beer and wine until 2 or 3 in the morning . And another thing . There were RATS in the WALLS . We were no more pleased about the rats than the neighbors would have been , had they known . In reality , they probably had rats too . New Orleans is famed for its rats , evil , beady eyed giant things who originally arrived in ships and disembarked on the wharfs . You could sit on the porch at night and watch the rats run along the power lines from house to house , and kitchen to kitchen . But we had SPECIAL rats . Because our landlady didn 't give a crap about the house , and we certainly didn 't give a crap about the house , an exterminator was out of the question . None of us were anywhere near able to afford one . And the kitchens were a disaster all the time , with crumbs and dirty dishes and beer bottles and all the sorts of things that rats really love . I was on a diet . I had just discovered the Atkins diet from a 70 - something year - old infertility specialist and had bought several bags of sugar - free cThe worst part about them though is that they were in the WALLS . And they stomped . I have never heard any living thing , save maybe an angry husband , that STOMPED like these damn rats . And they crunched . I 'm not sure what they were crunching in the walls , food , or probably the insulation off our ancient wiring system . They probably thrived on copper . At night they would come in the walls and VISIT . You 'd be lying there in your bed and you would hear stomp stomp stompstompstompSTOMP . Stop . Right across from the pillow on the bed . Silence . That thing would just be sitting there , listening to you breathe . Plotting God knows what . If you got your nerve up , you would yell and bang on the wall to get rid of them . You would quickly discover , however , that this actually attracted more rats . Stomp stomp stomp stompstompstompSTOMP . Stop . Crunch crunch crunch . Right in front of your pillow . It was HORRIFYING . Especially if you were in the house alone . It was like being in some kind of horror movie : The Rats in the Walls . We never got rid of them . We eventually all moved out , and they got rid of us .

Getting back into my routine at Rome , I have had a week to reflect on my fall break . Going to four different cities in a span of ten days is overwhelming to say the least ; and as I was zooming around ModaLisboa , the Reine Sofia , Sagrada Familia , and the French Riviera , I never got a chance to stop and catch my breath . Now that I am back " home " in Rome , my experiences in each city become clearer - most notably , I found myself contemplating the perplexity of language . According to the Bible , the multitude of languages that exist today arose from the construction of a tower that was supposed to reach the sky and prevent people from being scattered all over the world . The author of the book of Genesis goes on to write that God saw that the people - with one language - would be able to attain anything they desired , so he confounded their speech . Now , however , with the rise of globalization , languages have become increasingly mixed . Not only do the Romance languages ( Portuguese , French , Italian , Spanish , and Romanian ) hold similarities , but also all languages have begun borrowing words from each other . Learning Italian here , I see how much integration has occurred . For example , in the United States , we use the words " cappuccino , " " espresso , " " latte , " " macchiato , " and " panini " almost every day . In Rome , it is customary to wish someone a nice weekend by saying , " Buon week - end . " Furthermore , during my stays in Portugal and Spain , I was surprised by how easily I got around the cities by myself with my knowledge of Italian , French , and English . In Tanzania , the word " safari " in Swahili means trip or journey , whereas in English , the term is defined as an expedition to see animals in their natural habitat . And in China , it has become " cool " to know English and so people love to incorporate English words into daily verbal communication . For instance , the formal way to say good - bye is still " zai jian , " but , informally , many young people simply say , " Bye - bye ! " These are citations of small changes , but given the current trend , who knows what will happen in a century or two ? Tower of Babel aside , The Rosetta Project states that about fifty to ninety percent of the world 's languages will disappear in the next century . There is no denying that it would be more convenient to have only one language ; yet , so much culture would also be lost . And even if one global language did arise , which one would it be ? The top 5 most spoken languages in the world are , in order : Mandarin , English , Hindustani , Spanish , and Russian . Although Mandarin is number one , linguist David Crystal attests that English is the global language . He estimates that 30 % of the world population is already " reasonably competent , " and about one billion people in the midst of learning . English has adopted a world - class status , but one that is tainted by well intentioned , white - supremacistic charity efforts to teach this " global language " to citizens all over the world . Will we allow the dispute over " one " language to divide us or stand separated , yet indivisible in preservation ? If you 're in the States I hope you 're staying dry through the storm ! This week seemed like a blur at Temple Rome , I think we 're all still is a haze from all of the airports and languages of Fall break . But there was not much time to rest because Winnie , Jaleh , Alex , James and I all had big plans to go to Chocolate Fest this weekend ! ! ! Imagine Wonka 's Chocolate factory in the streets of an Italian hill top town with lots of adorable babies in strollers and you pretty much have Chocolate Fest . The streets are full of different chocolate vendors selling anything from chocolate covered strawberries to sausage ( not covered in chocolate ) . But the majority was chocolate . We each got a " chococard " for five euro which got us a ton of free samples from certain stands . My personal favorite was the hot chocolate ! European hot chocolate is pretty much pudding , and it is completely glorious . I 'm not sure how I 'll ever go back to Swiss Miss after this . I 'm honestly a little embarrassed at how much chocolate I consumed on Friday . Which is why I lovingly refer to myself as Augustus Gloop , if you don 't remember the Willy Wonka reference check out this video : After consuming enough calories to get a grizzly bear through hibernation , we hopped a train to Florence ! As an art student , Florence has been on my list for a long time it contains some of the most famous art in the world ! The hostel where we stayed was tiny but adorable , and the young couple who run it should have a movie made about them . They were the nicest most helpful people ! They had free wine set out for us every night ( I ain 't mad at that ) and free breakfast in the morning . One thing I learned from this hostel though is that I clearly can not handle the top bunk : Our first order of business in Florence was FOOD ( which seemed to be the general theme of this trip ) . The wonderful woman who ran the hostel recommended a restaurant close by and we loved it ! James and Winnie got bacon fat on toast as an appetizer … apparently it was good ? Saturday morning we all split up to see the sites . The first place James and I stopped was the Uffizi gallery ! I would have gone anywhere to get out of the rain ! Of course I ( once again ) packed like a moron and didn 't bring a coat or sensible shoes so the cold and rain made for one cranky Jen . The Uffizi contains a lot of religious art ( which , I 'll admit , isn 't always my thing ) but it 's real claim to fame is " The Birth of Venus " by Botticelli . This museum is definitely a staple in Florence ! The second museum was called something L ' Accademia ? I don 't quite remember . Mostly because the only memorable piece is Michaelangelo 's DAVID ! ! ! James and I sat in front of it for a long time and sketched like good art students … Ok James made me but I 'm glad I did ! I would have loved to post a picture of it here but they were CRAZY strict here about " NO PHOTO " . I saw someone get clapped at like this : After seeing the sites we decided to do some shopping ! Did you know that Florence has a HUGE market for leather ? I didn 't ! They had an enormous market that spanned a few blocks selling every type of wallet , belt , purse , jackets , boots , anything ! I got a bunch of souvenirs and a new belt ! Beware though , the salesmen are pretty aggressive one man told me I look like J . Lo and Shakira . " Well thank you for calling my butt fat . And Shakira is pregnant . I hate you , and I do not want to buy a belt from you . APPARENTLY my butt is big enough to hold my pants up . " I 'm sure he meant it as some kind of backwards compliment but after walking around in the cold and rain all day with a whole in my shoe that lead to one soaked sock I was clearly not feeling very friendly . What could possibly make me feel better at a time like this ? Food , what else . We went to another restaurant recommended by the hostel owner and it was INCREDIBLE ! I soon as we walked in an old Italian man ran through the packed dining room with his arms spread open and yelled " MULTO BENE ! " Jaleh and James got the specialty of the region , T - Bone steak . They said it was awesome ! Florence is a breathtaking city . That is all I can say . But I was definitely happy to get out of the crowded hostel and get back to Rome ! We have a busy week ahead because the Advanced Painting students ( including me and James ) have a big gallery show coming up on Sunday ! Wish us luck in getting everything done ! Last week , we took a day trip to beautiful Orvieto . It was a one and a half hour train ride to get to the little town , which is situated atop virtually vertical cliffs . One of my favorite parts of Orvieto was taking the funicular to the upper part of the medieval town . We were only in the little train for two minutes , but the views were stellar . Walking into Orvieto was like walking in a storybook : it was drizzling and the cobblestone streets glistened as the sun tried to break through the clouds . The houses were tiny and had flower boxes under their windows while sheets hung out the windows to dry . I could have spent the entire day wandering in and out of the little shops and adoring the picturesque streets . However , there is a lot to see and do in the small Umbrian town . If I were to just pass Orvieto on the train to Firenze , I never would have imagined there was an underground town below the magical one we spent the morning strolling through . We were actually able to take a guided tour through the labyrinth of hidden tunnels and caves . People built this underground city because Orvieto is situated on tuff cliffs . The volcanic rock is actually soft to the touch ; it crumbles under contact . Many noble families of Orvieto had homes with access to tunnel systems that they were able to use to flee when the town was under siege . The escape routes were later used for other purposes . One of my favorite " rooms " had hundreds of tiny holes carved in the walls . The hollows used to house pigeons , which happen to be a delicacy in Orvieto . After hearing this , we had to try pigeon for lunch . As soon as we emerged from the dark tunnels , we took off to find a restaurant . Once I was able to get past the fact that I was eating the cousin of one of the birds that populate the streets of Philadelphia , I really enjoyed my meal . Needless to say , I would highly recommend the pigeon to anyone who visits Orvieto . Even sitting down to eat in Orvieto was more relaxing and slow - paced than anywhere I 've been to in Italy . Most of the shops closed in the afternoon for siesta and I enjoyed people watching while nibbling my pigeon in an adorable restaurant in the Italian countryside . After lunch , we ventured to the monumental Orvieto Cathedral . Pope Nicholas IV commissioned the building of the Duomo and the massive church looked every bit the part . I was surprised to learn that Orvieto was one of the only cities outside Rome to have a papal palace . Pope Adrian IV and Pope Boniface VIII were just two of the popes to have special ties with Orvieto during the years the popes didn 't have an official residence . The Duomo looked even cooler from the top of the Torre del Moro . For a couple of euros and a couple hundred steps , we were able to enjoy some of the best views I 've seen in Italy yet ( which is impressive in a country where every sight is astounding ) . Climbing the bell tower was the perfect way to end a lovely day in Orvieto . Ahoj ! I 'm back in Rome after spending the past few days in Prague . The city was absolutely enchanting and so unlike Rome or anywhere else that I 've ever traveled to . After we arrived on Wednesday , we strolled through Wenceslas Square , which ended up being one of our favorite places in Prague because it was so vibrant and exciting . Hotels , stores , and restaurants lined the square and there were food tents sent up around outside . The food in Prague was delicious . I did not go to the Czech Republic expecting to love the food , but found myself constantly snacking on something . We ate pork , ham , dumplings , steak , potatoes , potato chips on a stick , roasted almonds , french fries , cinnamon rolls , goulash , bacon , cold cuts , fresh rye bread , and sausage and drank hot wine and famous Czech beer . It was weird not to eat pasta and drink wine for a couple of days . It wasn 't hard to walk off all the food we ate by being tourists in Prague . We spent a day walking around the huge castle complex . Prague Castle overlooks the city from its position on the top of Castle Hill . The views from the top of this hill were stunning and walking up the sloping steps to reach the top was an experience in and of itself . I felt like I was in a dream while I made my way up these steps where people were singing and playing guitars . It was chilly and cloudy and the aerial view of the changing colors of leaves on the trees combined with the red roofs of the houses completely charmed me . The castle complex is also home to palaces , churches , museums , and shops . One of my favorite attractions in Rome was St . Vitus Cathedral , which is in the Prague Castle complex . St . Vitus Cathedral is an enormous Roman Catholic Gothic cathedral with the most detailed and beautiful architectural designs I have ever seen . There were ( both literally and figuratively ) treasures inside , including the silver funerary monument to Saint John of Nepomuk and the crown jewels , which are not displayed but safeguarded by seven locks above the Saint Wenceslas Chapel . Old Town Square is home to Prague 's Astronomical Clock and the tower at the Old Town Hall . Like Wenceslas Square , Old Town Square was a perfect place to eat , shop , and people watch and we spent a good chunk of time doing all of the above . I would also recommend climbing to the top of the tower at the Old Town Hall to admire the stunning panoramic views of beautiful Prague . The next day , we wandered over to Charles Bridge . The historic bridge is the primary connection between Prague Castle and the city 's Old Town . I could 've spent an entire day strolling along Charles Bridge , which is lined with baroque style statues of saints as well as artists , vendors , and kiosks . Charles Bridge is currently a pedestrian only bridge and was bustling with tourists snapping pictures of each other and the statues and shopping at the many little kiosks . I was completely captivated by Charles Bridge , much like everything else in Prague . We spent our last evening in the city at a hockey game . Seeing a hockey game in the Czech Republic was one of the coolest things I 've ever done . The fans were dedicated to their team and their enthusiasm was contagious . Needless to say , everyone was ecstatic that the home team , Slavia Praha , beat visiting Mountfield . Prague was so unlike Rome and I am grateful to have been able to spend a couple of days there . My time in Prague was characterized by castles , cathedrals , walks down picturesque roads , people watching , and shopping and I would recommend visiting this beautiful Eastern European city to anyone . I 've traveled and rested and am ready to tackle the second half of my semester in Rome ! The gang has now migrated south to pay a visit to Andriana 's relatives in GREECE ! We split up when we left Barcelona , a few people flew to Paris , a few others to Prague , but Cecily , Shannon , Andriana , Jordan , Kenny , Billy , Max , and I all came to Athens ! We got here on Monday night , and a few more people are joining us on Friday . It 's been wonderful to be able to have a few days to chill out because traveling is ridiculously stressful ! Kudos to my parents for carting my sisters and me around for so many years , I don 't know how you did it . I can barely even handle getting myself anywhere ! This is the first country I 've been to with an entirely different alphabet , and clearly I had no prior knowledge of Greek other than baklava and OPAH ! So I feel pretty worthless trying to get around here . And it 's really difficult to pick up on Greek because this language is ALL about syllables so just to say " Thank you " it 's " eh - far - eee - stoh " … What ? We didn 't get in to Andriana 's aunt 's apartment until midnight and , like true Greeks , they had food waiting for us . We came in to find gigantic Gyros ! It was the best sight I had seen all day . Andriana 's yai yai ( Grandma ) and Aunt Voula were so adorable and friendly ! However they 're English was very broken so communication usually involved a lot of confused smiling and nodding . Thankfully Andriana is fluent in Greek ! On our first full day in Greece no one wanted to walk around to find anything . Barcelona had been such a blur of subways and maps we all just wanted to chill out and recooperate . So we headed for the beach ! It was totally gorgeous and I even got some sketching done . And I have ACTUAL tan lines ! I feel like a real member of society now . Then we came back to a full home - cooked - by - yai - yai Greek meal of pork and potatoes . We were all so relieved to get a meal that wasn 't pasta ! On Wednesday we planned to get up super early and travel to the Greek Island of Poros ! So the plan was to get up at 6 : 30 AM and catch a taxi to the port for a boat at 8 : 00 AM … well no one woke up for that one . Then we were going to catch the 9 : 00 AM boat … well no one woke up for that one either . So we took the 10 AM boat ! This island was … . GORGEOUS ! We named him Fredopolos John Stamos Odysseus the Dog … We decided to name him all things Greek . He followed us around for a while and because Poros is so small we saw him a bunch of times throughout the day . I would like to take a minute to speak seriously about Greek food . On Poros there was a phenomenal bakery and ( not exaggerating ) I stopped there THREE times in one day ! And I got something different every time ! The food in Greece is unreal ! And I would mention all of the things I ate but I have no idea what they 're called let alone how to spell them . I guess you 'll just have to go to Greece yourself and try them ! Shannon and I seriously got the same chocolate cake three times in six days ! And on top of the gyros and pastries , every night we came home to a gigantic , authentic Greek meal made by Yai Yai ! Andriana was not exaggerating when she said her family would never stop feeding us , even if I said I was stuffed Yai Yai would pile more food on my plate ! And when we offered to do the dishes we were told " Absolutely not ! " Greek hospitality is unparalleled . After thoroughly stuffing ourselves one night we headed out to a Greek concert ! When we got to the club we realized how horrendously under - dressed we were . All of the Greeks were dressed to the nines and we showed up in jeans ! But it was alright because we were only there for one thing : to see Andriana 's future husband Nikos Vertis ! One warning if you ever go to the Parthenon , wear sensible shoes . The rocks on the way up the hill are SUPER slippery ! We were all sliding right back down . It was so amazing though once we got to the top ! There is a huge restoration project going on so there is a lot of scaffolding on the Parthenon , but I was completely shocked when I heard someone say , " I thought the Parthenon was really old ? Why are they still building it ? " … WHAT . They should have been pushed off the mountain . After our hike up the acropolis and our walk through the museum and a few gyros … 🙂 we trekked over to the Greek Parliament . Of course on the way we stopped at a bakery ( go figure ) ! We had watched the square in front of this building get fire bombed by angry radicals on the news a few days earlier … so we thought it would be a good idea to walk through it ! It was bittersweet saying goodbye to Yai Yai and Voula . They were the most welcoming people I 've ever met ! And when Yai Yai started to cry I had to give her a big hug , I 've never met someone filled with so much love . And as sad I as I was to say goodbye , I am SO HAPPY TO BE IN ROME ! I was so incredibly comforted to hear Italian again ! As much as I love the simplicity of Italian cuisine , I really missed eating avant - garde food . Going to school in one of the food capitals of the nation ( Durham , North Carolina ) , I eat off - campus almost every weekend , trying everything from Whole Foods to Nana 's Tacos to Sushi Love . The options are endless , and so , I would be lying if I did not say I was a little disappointed by restaurants in Rome . The food is great , but it is always the same thing : pasta , bruschetta , pizza , gnocchi , risotto , etc . From my sociology class with Professor Smith and from talking with my Italian friends , I have come to terms with the food culture - though not too happily . Only about 8 percent of the population in Rome is of foreign ethnicity . Of the remaining 92 percent , most Italians enjoy cooking and eating at home . If it were not for the hordes of tourists that come to Rome , the Eternal City would probably be devoid of restaurants . Thus , it is quite understandable then that when fall break started , I decided to go on a cuisine adventure . I had the best meal of my 20 - year life in Barcelona . My friend ( who is studying abroad in Barcelona ) and I were walking around the dark , narrow pedestrian alleyways of the gothic district when we stumbled upon Gilda . Famous for exotic appetizers and unusual tapas , the restaurant 's menu features Mediterranean cuisine with a Belgian twist . Fortunately , my friend is as much a foodie as I am , and so we decided to split three starters . We ordered hot pea soup with a scoop of shrimp ice cream , crispy prawns mounted on curry ice cream with fresh spinach coulis , and salmon on a nest of mesclun greens with walnuts and Dijon mustard sorbet . Every bite was tantalizingly delicious , most likely accentuated by the fact that I had been eating my poor cooking and invariable Italian food for the past month and a half . The food we ordered may sound weird , but it is one of those things that because the dish sounds so weird , it had to be ethereally delectable . I love that Gilda 's chef is not afraid to experiment with ingredients , and wish that more for Italy , a country so rooted in tradition . Not just limited to food , but for all things , tradition is just as important as innovation , and given Italy 's current state of economic affairs , the country could use a little resourcefulness . Before returning to Rome , I met up with several students from Temple Rome in Nice , France … and we went scuba diving . I have only ever been snorkeling , so scuba diving was a wholly new experience ! I am absolutely fascinated by the underwater world and take any opportunity to see it . Thus , while I did see more variety of fish and coral when I went snorkeling off the coast of Zanzibar , being consciously aware that I was swimming among - not on top - of all the wildlife was thrilling . Essentially , I was a mermaid for an afternoon ! Furthermore , I rather like the neoprene wetsuits . Not only are they adept at providing thermal insulation , abrasion resistance , and buoyancy , but also , aesthetically , the fabric hugs and smooths one 's curves . It is no wonder then that fashion designers ( Calvin Klein , Fendi , Burberry , and Balenciaga , just to name a few ) have started experimenting with neoprene . For me , I am especially loving Balenciaga 's neoprene sweaters for F / W 2012 . It 's been interesting to see Rome and Italy and Europe through the eyes of a tourist . I 've become so used to some of the quirky Roman nuances that I forgot why they 're weird . My brother was fascinated with the nasoni , the drinking fountains with the nose - shaped spigots . At first he couldn 't wrap his head around the fact that the water from them was safe to drink , and as I started thinking about it myself , I realized all over again how cool it is that this water comes from the ancient Roman aqueduct systems . I have spent the last few days smiling over my tourist brother 's reaction to Italian food . He was only here for five days , but he 's eaten his way through Italy : pizza , gnocchi , spaghetti alla carbonara and amatriciana , gelato , etc . I hate to think that I 've become used to the cuisine here , but watching a visitor react to their first bite of authentic Italian pasta has made me reevaluate my recent complaints about not eating as much meat here as I would like . I 'll admit that I have been missing my steak and potatoes , but have become smitten with pasta again as I see Rome through new eyes with my little brother . Having someone here for five days also forced me to decide what my must - see places in Rome are because I wanted to make sure he saw all the best spots in the city before leaving on Wednesday . In five days , we managed to throw coins in the Trevi Fountain , climb the Spanish Steps , do a night time tour of the Vatican Museums , shop on Via del Corso , wander through the Capitoline Museum , snack on panini in the Villa Borghese , walk around the Roman Forum and the Colosseum , eat in Trastevere , bar hop in Testaccio , admire the Pantheon , Saint Peter 's Basilica , and the Castel Sant ' Angelo , tour Saint Callisto 's Catacombs , and people watch in Piazza Navona . We managed to squeeze a lot into a short time frame and my brother managed his jet lag like a pro , but I can 't help but feel like we have barely scratched the surface . At least I have another month and a half to really get to know every inch of this amazing city which has so completely stolen my heart . I knew that there was a lot to see and do in Rome , and seeing and doing everything is a goal that I won 't let go of until I 'm on the flight heading back to America . Seeing Rome for the first time vicariously through my brother reinforced for me what a perfect city Rome is to study abroad in . It 's impossible to be bored in a city that is so rich in art , history , and culture . I 'm spending the second half of my midterm break in Prague , but I 'm grateful I was able to be a tourist in my city with one of my favorite people in the world during the first half . Hello from Lisboa ! This marine city is home to a little over 500 , 000 people ( for perspective , about 8 . 2 million people live in New York City ) . It is pretty small , but all of the grand architecture reminds one of Lisbon 's golden age , when it was once the European center of trade for Africa , India , and the Far East and home to explorers Vasco da Gama , Magellan , and Prince Henry the Navigator . Built by a river and on top of several hills , Lisbon boasts some of the most interesting geography I 've seen ! The streets go up and down and all around ( much like San Francisco ) , but the sidewalks are made out of little stones using a method called calçada portuguesa . The effect is of a mosaic on the ground , which is beautiful , but also very dangerous . Feet , wind , and dirt have eroded the stones so much that they are now very slippery ! I found myself almost sliding down some steep hills while winding through Lisbon . I also tried speaking Italian in Lisbon since I do not know Portuguese , which inspired some laughs and interesting stares . All this traveling in Europe has made me really appreciate that English is my first language . Although I am disturbed by the ignorance of many Americans , I am also proud to be a citizen of the most powerful country in the world . China is catching up , but people assume I am Chinese anyway , so I guess I 'm covered in that regard ! On the first full day , Marie and I visited the São Roque Church , which is the world 's most expensive chapel . I kid you not , every surface was covered with gold save for the ceiling , the floor , and the pews . While the walls displayed beautiful mosaics , some that even looked like paintings from far away , what surprised me the most was the ceiling . Studying abroad in Rome , I marvel at the magnificent murals and elaborate architecture above me ; yet , the São Roque Church , despite its intricate interior , featured a painted wooden roof . It was like the builders spent so much time on everything else that by the time they got to the roof , they were too tired to do any more . After that , we took the tram to the Belem Tower , which actually rises out of the sea ! It is located at the point where the river opens into the Atlantic Ocean . Can you imagine being an explorer from the 1500s and seeing a massive Romanesque tower as you sail into Lisbon ? Of course , no visit is complete without a taste of Belem 's famous pastry , Pastel de Nata , which cannot be replicated anywhere else in the world . It was delicious ! On our way back , we stopped at MUDE , Museu do Design e da Moda . The museum features an impressive collection of iconic pieces from each era starting in 1900 to now . I was even able to recognize the pieces made by Italian designers thanks to Professor Krizek 's class trip to Milan ! In the Milan showrooms though , I was actually able to touch and take pictures of the pieces , whereas at MUDE , there was a strict no touching and no photography policy . Although MUDE is located in Portugal , the exhibition felt more like a timeline of the history of design ; rather than a celebration of Portuguese design , which was what I had expected . The large number of works by French , Italian , and Scandinavian designers far overshadowed the meager showings of a couple Portuguese creations , which unfortunately highlighted the fact that Portugal 's golden age is over . Other than that though , MUDE is great ( and free ) ; definitely a must - see . It just so happens that this past weekend was also Lisbon 's fashion week . As Marie and I were coming back from dinner , we stopped by the plaza where all the beautiful people of the world had just seen their respective shows . Keeping to ourselves , we people - watched from a prime location just outside the doors to the show . As we critiqued each outfit , a man approached us and asked what show we had just come from . Then , a random photographer asked to take our photo . It was a dream come true . Next dream ? Actually get invited to a fashion show . Currently it is Sunday morning and I am sitting in an ACTUAL Starbucks drinking a big coffee ( unfortunately , they do not have pumpkin spice lattes here ) . It 's nice to have a little slice of home in Barcelona . We left on Friday afternoon ( thank god because NO ONE had it together until 10 minutes before we left ) and headed for Fiumicino airport . This is the first time I 've been back there since the day we landed in Rome , and I can 't believe how much has changed in these past few weeks ! Anyway , I hate airports . Almost as much as I hate the DMV . They make me stressed ( which , I 'm sure , is true for most people ) . And of course this girl is the one who packed like a moron and had a can of hairspray in her carry on . So when they threw out my hairspray they also caught my mousse , hair gel , shampoo , and conditioner that were all too big to take on the plane … So they all got chucked . I guess that 's my own dumb fault . But I 'll skip the rest because no one wants to read about an airport . Once we got to BARCELONA it was about 9 : 00 PM on Friday , and we had no real plan on how we were going to get from the airport to the hostel . And apparently when the Italian entered my brain , my four years of public school Spanish subsequently exited . So I couldn 't remember a single useful sentence . We eventually figured it out and made to our hostel which was AWESOME ! On Saturday we were all up early , and the first spot on our list : STARBUCKS . All we wanted was a normal sized coffee rather than the tiny cappuccinos you find in Italy . After we got our caffeine fix we headed out to see the sights . My FAVORITE part of the day was seeing the Church of Sagrada Familia which is a gigantic unfinished church designed by the famous Spanish architect Antonio Gaudi . It was literally incredible . And it is not even finished , The church was designed and started in the late 1800s and it 's completion is not scheduled until about 2035 . Isn 't that nuts ! ? ! But when you see it , it is clear why it would take such a long time . Then on Saturday night we went to see what we called the magic fountain . I 'm sure it had some lovely Spanish name but no one knows what it is . It 's this gigantic fountain in front of the national art museum that performs choreography to music . It was so cool ! Except most of the songs were American by people like Nicki Minaj and Britney Spears . Saturday night we all went out to dinner and then hit the clubs ! Which was very different than American clubbing . First of all , all of these clubs were on the beach which was gorgeous , and they were in a row on this strip so people would just skip from club to club . We all somehow wound up with free passes to one of the clubs so it was a cheap night out ! We danced until practically dawn and then came home and crashed . I managed a total of 2 hours of sleep before I was up again . But in the morning when I got up there were many more messed up things going on than my sleep deprivation . I was the first one up and I noticed a pair of legs wearing jeans and sneakers sticking out from Kenny 's bunk . I thought Kenny had put his pajamas on but I didn 't think anything at first . Then when everyone began to stir Kenny got up laughing and asked : So I quickly scaled the ladder to see what was going on . From the back he did kind of look like James , he was in his 20 's and he spoke American English . I poked him and said : James kindly urged him to " Get out . " He took his sweet time and when he finally left in a drunken stupor we all burst out laughing . These kind of of shenanigans WOULD happen to us . On Sunday we all went down to the bay to ride on a cable car ride over Barcelona . It was COMPLETELY worth the long wait , the view was gorgeous . And it gave us a great outlet to wander around the city . After a long day of exploring we made it to the Picasso museum which had been on the top of my list since we got here . It was AMAZING and displayed a really wide range of his works from him early years to his death . I am now fascinated and can 't wait to get home to paint ! On our last night in Barcelona we FINALLY managed to find good Paella and sangria ( which EVERYONE should try , it 's lovely ) . But here 's the lesson we learned from a couple different meals of ordering Sangria : Order your own . Be sure to order a different kind than everyone else . Because one night James , Kenny , Jordan , and I all ordered chicken paella and they brought it all out in one big dish . Which would have been cool if it was actually enough to split between four people . So the last night we all got our own and had more than we could eat , which was glorious . We spent our last night in Barcelona listening to James narrate the sex advice from Cosmo . Which was oddly HILARIOUS . Today we 're off for the second part of Fall break , we 're staying in GREECE with Andriana 's family . I CAN NOT WAIT ! However I wish I could just skip the airport part . When I decided to go to Rome , I thought I would be eating long dinners , drinking wine every night , and casually seeing works by Michelangelo , Caravaggio , and Raphael . Who knew I would also be trying my hand at modeling ? Tessa ( from this post ) is working on doing more commercial photography to build her portfolio , and so asked me to be in her images . Her selection rose more out of a thing of convenience than anything else since it was midterm week after all , but I think the images turned out rather nice ! The photos were taken at the Cipro metro stop ( a 5 minute walk from the residence ) , and we happened to stumble upon a dance crew that was nice enough to take time out of their rehearsal to be in our photo - shoot ! After this experience and the work I have been doing in my digital imaging class , I realize so much more now how much thought and effort photographers put into each image ! It 's not as simple as a click of a button ! For instance , I am so used to being behind the camera that this reversal felt very awkward for me . Tessa , being the amazing photographer that she is , was energetic , vivacious , and dynamic as she coached me into each pose . Furthermore , take a look at this photo by Chien - Chi Chang . It 's pretty cool . But , only a true critic would recognize all the details , and my digital imaging class has pushed me to those limits . Furthermore , being a Chinese - American myself , the work of other Asian photographers holds much personal interest . As I scanned the list of names under " Magnum Photos , " which publish Chang 's images , his was the only oriental one . Because of the competitive academic climate in China , many Chinese people do not have the opportunity to explore the arts , and so , Chang 's breakthrough in the world of photographer as an Asian man inspires and eliminates stereotypes about the " typical " East Asian person . In the above photograph , Chang displays dexterity in the use of scale , as the pedestrian suspension bridge appears monumental in relation to the two small children featured in the frame . He plays with depth of field as the lines made by the edges of the bridge lead towards a single , disappearing point . Furthermore , the white gate in the background appears in stark contrast to the dark muted tones of the foreground ; yet , the foreground is in focus , while the giant , white block of space in the background is fuzzy . In this decisive moment , Chang takes a provocative image of a little girl crying and running ; however , not , it seems , from the boy with the scary mask for he in front of her . As a child , her instinct would be to run away from what is scaring her and towards safety , but in this photograph , it is obviously not the boy with the mask who is responsible for her distress . This observation suggests a disturbing reality .

His body looked as if it had been left by accident in his suit the last time it went to the tailor 's and pressed out with hot , heavy irons to its present sharpness . His face was merely a face . It was the kind of face that makes up crowds , gray in color with ears that shrank back against the head as if fearing the clamor of the city , and with the tired , tired eyes of one whose forebears have been underdogs for five thousand years . On the contrary the victim was an absolute stranger - the prisoner had never seen her before in his life . His reasons for the assault had been two : first , that she talked during a theatrical performance ; and , second , that she kept joggling the back of his chair with her knees . When this had gone on for some time he had turned around and without any warning pushed her severely in the face . The plaintiff arose . She was a woman just this side of fifty with a determined , rather overbearing face under yellowish white hair . Her dress was a dignified black and she gave the impression of wearing glasses ; indeed the young reporter , who believed in observation , had so described her in his mind before he realized that no such adornment sat upon her thin , beaked nose . It developed that she was Mrs . George D . Robinson of 1219 Riverside Drive . She had always been fond of the theater and sometimes she went to the matinee . There had been two ladies with her yesterday , her cousin , who lived with her , and a Miss Ingles - both ladies were in court . As the curtain went up for the first act a woman sitting behind had asked her to remove her hat . Mrs . Robinson had been about to do so anyhow , and so she was a little annoyed at the request and had remarked as much to Miss Ingles and her cousin . At this point she had first noticed the defendant who was sitting directly in front , for he had turned around and looked at her quickly in a most insolent way . Then she had forgotten his existence until just before the end of the act when she made some remark to Miss Ingles - when suddenly he had stood up , turned around and pushed her in the face . The one element which did not fit in with this interpretation was the physiognomy of the prisoner himself . Of any one of a number of minor offenses he might have appeared guilty - pickpockets were notoriously mild - mannered , for example - but of this particular assault in a crowded theater he seemed physically incapable . He did not have the kind of voice or the kind of clothes or the kind of mustache that went with such an attack . A snicker ran about the courtroom . Mrs . Robinson and her attendant ladies on the bench were visibly horrified . The guard took a step nearer as if at a nod from the judge he would whisk off this criminal to the dingiest dungeon in Manhattan . " Well , I 'm a night cashier , your honor , in T . Cushmael 's restaurant on Third Avenue . I 'm not married " - he smiled a little , as if he knew they had all guessed that - " and so on Wednesday and Saturday afternoons I usually go to the matinee . It helps to pass the time till dinner . There 's a drug store , maybe you know , where you can get tickets for a dollar sixty - five to some of the shows and I usually go there and pick out something . They got awful prices at the box office now . " He gave out a long silent whistle and looked feelingly at the judge . " Four or five dollars for one seat - " " Well , " continued Charles Stuart , " when I pay even a dollar sixty - five I expect to see my money 's worth . About two weeks ago I went to one of these here mystery plays where they have one fella that did the crime and nobody knows who it was . Well , the fun at a thing like that is to guess who did it . And there was a lady behind me that 'd been there before and she gave it all away to the fella with her . Gee " - his face fell and he shook his head from side to side - " I like to died right there . When I got home to my room I was so mad that they had to come and ask me to stop walking up and down . Dollar sixty - five of my money gone for nothing . " Well , Wednesday came around again , and this show was one show I wanted to see . I 'd been wanting to see it for months , and every time I went into the drug store I asked them if they had any tickets . But they never did . " He hesitated . " So Tuesday I took a chance and went over to the box office and got a seat . Two seventy - five it cost me . " He nodded impressively . " Two seventy - five . Like throwing money away . But I wanted to see that show . " " I got there first , " continued Stuart in a flustered voice . " There wasn 't anybody in there but me and the fella that was cleaning up . After awhile the audience came in , and it got dark and the play started , but just as I was all settled in my seat and ready to have a good time I heard an awful row directly behind me . Somebody had asked this lady " - he pointed directly to Mrs . Robinson - " to remove her hat like she should of done anyhow and she was sore about it . She kept telling the two ladies that was with her how she 'd been at the theater before and knew enough to take off her hat . She kept that up for a long time , five minutes maybe , and then every once in a while she 'd think of something new and say it in a loud voice . So finally I turned around and looked at her because I wanted to see what a lady looked like that could be so inconsiderate as that . Soon as I turned back she began on me . She said I was insolent and then she said ' Tchk ! Tchk ! Tchk ! ' a lot with her tongue and the two ladies that was with her said ' Tchk ! Tchk ! Tchk ! ' until you could hardly hear yourself think , much less listen to the play . You 'd have thought I 'd done something terrible . " By and by , after they calmed down and I began to catch up with what was doing on the stage , I felt my seat sort of creak forward and then creak back again and I knew the lady had her feet on it and I was in for a good rock . Gosh ! " he wiped his pale , narrow brow on which the sweat had gathered thinly , " it was awful . I hope to tell you I wished I 'd never come at all . Once I got excited at a show and rocked a man 's chair without knowing it and I was glad when he asked me to stop . But I knew this lady wouldn 't be glad if I asked her . She 'd of just rocked harder than ever . " " It got to be near the end of the act , " went on the little pale man , " and I was enjoying it as well as I could , seeing that sometimes she 'd push me toward the stage and sometimes she 'd let go , and the seat and me would fall back into place . Then all of a sudden she began to talk . She said she had an operation or something - I remember she said she told the doctor that she guessed she knew more about her own stomach than he did . The play was getting good just then - the people next to me had their handkerchiefs out and was weeping - and I was feeling sort of that way myself . And all of a sudden this lady began to tell her friends what she told the plumber about his indigestion . Gosh ! " Again he shook his head from side to side ; his pale eyes fell involuntarily on Mrs . Robinson - then looked quickly away . " You couldn 't help but hear some and I begun missing things and then missing more things and then everybody began laughing and I didn 't know what they were laughing at and , as soon as they 'd leave off , her voice would begin again . Then there was a great big laugh that lasted for a long time and everybody bent over double and kept laughing and laughing , and I hadn 't heard a word . First thing I knew the curtain came down and then I don 't know what happened . I must of been a little crazy or something because I got up and closed my seat , and reached back and pushed the lady in the face . " " Yes , judge , " she cried shrilly , " and there 's more than that . He 's a liar too , a dirty little liar . He 's just proclaimed himself a dirty little - " " Silence ! " cried the judge in a terrible voice . " I 'm running this court , and I 'm capable of making my own decisions ! " He paused . " I will now pronounce sentence upon Charles Stuart , " he referred to the register , " upon Charles David Stuart of 212 1 / 2 West 22nd St . " He stopped at a news - stand to buy a morning paper ; then entering the subway was borne south to Eighteenth Street where he disembarked and walked east to Third Avenue . Here he was employed in an all - night restaurant built of glass and plaster white tile . Here he sat at a desk from curfew until dawn , taking in money and balancing the books of T . Cushmael , the proprietor . And here , through the interminable nights , his eyes , by turning a little to right or left , could rest upon the starched linen uniform of Miss Edna Schaeffer . Charles Stuart had forgotten about the color of her hair long ago - if he had ever noticed its strangeness at all . He was much more interested in her eyes , and in her white hands which , as they moved deftly among piles of plates and cups , always looked as if they should be playing the piano . He had almost asked her to go to a matinee with him once , but when she had faced him her lips half - parted in a weary , cheerful smile , she had seemed so beautiful that he had lost courage and mumbled something else instead . It was not to see Edna Schaeffer , however , that he had come to the restaurant so early in the afternoon . It was to consult with T . Cushmael , his employer , and discover if he had lost his job during his night in jail . T . Cushmael was standing in the front of the restaurant looking gloomily out the plate - glass window , and Charles Stuart approached him with ominous forebodings . Charles Stuart assented with a weary little nod . He assented to everything . At nine o ' clock , after a depressed interval during which he brooded upon the penalty of spending a night among the police , he reported for work . " Hello , Mr . Stuart , " said Edna Schaeffer , sauntering curiously toward him as he took his place behind the desk . " What became of you last night ? Get pinched ? " The night wore on . The little man in the grayish suit with the grayish face attracted no more attention from the customers than the whirring electric fan over his head . They gave him their money and his hand slid their change into a little hollow in the marble counter . But to Charles Stuart the hours of this night , this last night , began to assume a quality of romance . The slow routine of a hundred other nights unrolled with a new enchantment before his eyes . Midnight was always a sort of a dividing point - after that the intimate part of the evening began . Fewer people came in , and the ones that did seemed depressed and tired : a casual ragged man for coffee , the beggar from the street corner who ate a heavy meal of cakes and a beefsteak , a few nightbound street - women and a watchman with a red face who exchanged warning phrases with him about his health . Midnight seemed to come early tonight and business was brisk until after one . When Edna began to fold napkins at a nearby table he was tempted to ask her if she too had not found the night unusually short . Vainly he wished that he might impress himself on her in some way , make some remark to her , some sign of his devotion that she would remember forever . She finished folding the vast pile of napkins , loaded it onto the stand and bore it away , humming to herself . A few minutes later the door opened and two customers came in . He recognized them immediately , and as he did so a flush of jealousy went over him . One of them , a young man in a handsome brown suit , cut away rakishly from his abdomen , had been a frequent visitor for the last ten days . He came in always at about this hour , sat down at one of Edna 's tables , and drank two cups of coffee with lingering ease . On his last two visits he had been accompanied by his present companion , a swarthy Greek with sour eyes who ordered in a loud voice and gave vent to noisy sarcasm when anything was not to his taste . Stuart shifted uncomfortably in his seat . He hated that young man and wished passionately that he would go away . It seemed as if his last night here , his last chance to watch Edna , and perhaps even in some blessed moment to talk to her a little , was marred by every moment this man stayed . Half a dozen more people had drifted into the restaurant - two or three workmen , the newsdealer from over the way - and Edna was too busy for a few minutes to be bothered with attentions . Suddenly Charles Stuart became aware that the sour - eyed Greek had raised his hand and was beckoning him . Somewhat puzzled he left his desk and approached the table . Still Stuart did not answer . Strange blood currents were flowing all over his body . He was frightened ; anything said determinedly had a way of frightening him . But he could not move . Then Stuart ran . He ran as hard as he was able . But instead of running away from the young man he ran toward him , stretching out his hands as he came near in a sort of straight arm that brought his two palms , with all the force of his hundred and thirty pounds , against his victim 's face . With a crash of china the young man went over backward in his chair and , his head striking the edge of the next table , lay motionless on the floor . The restaurant was in a small uproar . There was a terrified scream from Edna , an indignant protest from the Greek , and the customers arose with exclamations from their tables . Just at this moment the door opened and Mr . Cushmael came in . " He 's raving crazy ! " sobbed Edna . " He was in jail last night for pushing a lady in the face . He told me so himself ! " " Push him in the face ? " ejaculated Cushmael in a frenzy . " So you got to be a pusher - in - the - face , eh ? Well , we 'll push your face right into jail ! " " I - I couldn 't help it , " gasped Stuart . " Sometimes I can 't help it . " His voice rose unevenly . " I guess I 'm a dangerous man and you better take me and lock me up ! " He turned wildly to Cushmael , " I 'd push you in the face if he 'd let go my arm . Yes , I would ! I 'd push you - right - in - the - face ! " Simultaneously the Greek , who had been shifting uneasily upon his feet ever since the accident , seemed to remember an important engagement that had slipped his mind . He dashed suddenly around the table and made for the front door , but it opened just at that moment to admit several customers who , at the cry of " Stop him ! " obligingly spread out their arms . Barred in that direction , he jumped an overturned chair , vaulted over the delicatessen counter , and set out for the kitchen , collapsing precipitately in the firm grasp of the chef in the doorway . " You 're a fakir ! " shouted Charles Stuart wildly . " I gave you a dollar when I first came here , before I found out you had ten times as much as I had . And you never gave it back ! " He got no farther . His hands , which he was raising for a megaphone , never reached his face - other hands reached his face , however , hands held stiffly out from a one - hundred - and - thirty - pound body ! He sank down suddenly upon the beggar 's abdomen , forcing out a sharp curse which faded into a groan .

I 've landed my choice job ! It 's a good feeling to know that I have a job . Or , will have , very soon . After my second interview , I feel somewhat drained . Not that it was particularly gruelling , but the anxiety associated with interviews and the tremendous relief afterwards can leave you feeling like you 've been hit by a truck . Then , I get excited knowing that we can stay in England , we can move house , etc . Then , I get anxious again because we have to move house , etc . Anyhow , my two interviews have renewed my confidence . It 's not a good feeling when you 've sent out two dozen CVs and not get word for a long time . But , being offered a job on the spot is a big booster . I went ahead and did the second interview just to see how I would do ( besides the fact that it was a little late to cancel on them ) . Though I wasn 't formally offered a job , I was asked if I would accept if it was offered and when I could start . They implied I was overqualified , and seeing that the only other interviewer at the time spent only 5 minutes with them , it was enough to convince me they were trying to see which way the wind was blowing . I had to admit that I couldn 't accept , but I wanted to know how I did . The main interviewer told me he could not see how I could not be successful in whatever I decided to pursue . Of course , as soon as I received my first offer , I got called for two other interviews . One was very tempting . I have to make a lateral career change and I have chosen two areas of expertise . The job I chose is in the field of my first choice . But , the job is a temporary one , and I will be starting out part - time , moving to full - time in a few months ' time . However , it 's a step towards my goal , and it gets me a foot in the door . My second job would be doing what I had done years ago , so a definite step down . The third interview , which I turned down , is similar to the second . All three are temporary . But , the fourth one would have been permanent and would lead me down a path towards my second choice of a career change . It 's tempting to go for it and see how I do , but I think it 's probably best to concentrate on finding another house and a new school , etc . There 's still that slight twinge of regret , but I know that the position would be a lot more competitive . It 's not that I regret my decision . But , the cost of living is a lot higher at my chosen job than if I chose any one of the other positions . On the other hand , there would be fewer transitions . For example , our daughter will still be able to go to the same gym and have the same piano teacher . They 'll stay in their school until mid - term at least . But , we 're moving because our lease will be up soon and we 've had enough of all the problems in this house . I 'm not sure how much longer before the rest of the floor in the kitchen will cave in . We have enough trouble walking around the areas that have already broken through . There 's also a hole in the bathroom . All the work that the landlord was supposed to take care of since we moved in has not been touched . In addition , they ( agent and landlord ) have not resolved this issue with the electric meter . As it turns out , we were right when we complained that we must 've been paying for more than our fair share of electricity . So , until October , when I start my job , we will need to take a good look at our housing and schooling options . I was also very excited about my pay . I had been informed by several institutions that because I am new to this country , I would start at the lowest pay level . However , this place argued that with my experience , I should be offered something closer to the top ( not the very top due to my inexperience in this country , but close ) . It means we will be able to maintain our current standard of living , which is by no means extravagant in any sense . But , to find a house in our price range will be very difficult down in that area . We will have to live a little ways out . My excitement has been tempered by the fact that next year , when I have actually worked a full year , my salary would be at a level such that I might have to pay double taxes - UK and US ! I 'll have to look into this . To have to pay taxes to two different countries means that the take - home would be even less . And what makes it even more unfair is that the US uses an exchange rate of 2 . 1 ( based on the currency exchange from several years ago ) , and not the current rate , which is closer to 1 . 6 . 1 England wins the Ashes Well , England has won the Ashes . I felt that coming into the last match , it would more likely be England or draw than Australia . After all , the results were Draw - England - Draw - Australia - … To complete the pattern , it should have been draw , but I still thought England had a better chance because it 's hard to win two in a row . That 's just me , using the fatigue factor . Of course , it rarely factors into the equation . Anyhow , before the final match , there were rumours floating around about a conspiracy , as evidenced by irregular betting patterns . Though it 's been done before , I cannot conceive how a game can be thrown unless everyone was involved . I 'm not a big fan of conspiracy theories , so I couldn 't swallow it . But , apparently , a certain part of the Australian press are claiming otherwise . To say they were disappointed is an understatement . The Australians had been cricket leaders for a long time , so to lose is very bitter . Well , the next Ashes will be in Australia , sometime in a little over 18 months time . Already , we know several players won 't be back - I can 't believe how young these guys are when they retire . Wonder if they 'll continue in the amateur league once their professional careers are over ? You might hear about a softball team here and there in the US , but there were no organised amateur sports . Here , each town / village would have a cricket team and they would form leagues and play against each other throughout the year . It 's not just cricket , but football and rugby as well . Every time you drive through a town , regardless of size , you 'd find lots of cricket greens and football and rugby clubs . It 's a part of life . It makes me wonder why they keep reporting that the UK is the least active country in the EU . Yes , I can see that obesity is on the rise ( the size makeup in this country is definitely larger than it was 10 years ago ) . But , seeing that adults are still staying active , I don 't understand how kids can grow up couch potatoes . 0 The Ashes - just barely delving into cricket The Ashes . A long - standing tradition in England ( and Australia , for that matter ) . And England finally won the match , or test , at Lord 's - I believe they said it was the first in 75 years . Well , it was also the first time I actually watched a cricket a game ( or part of ) . The English are well - known for their reserve , and I think it also applies to sports . By this , I mean that they do not go out of their way to explain it . My husband and his family have always been sports fan . That is , they follow all the English sports and have their favourites , even if they really don 't go fanatical like some fans . They also don 't try to convert people to their sports religion . This is very different from my experience in the States . Over there , if you mention that you don 't understand the American ball games , someone would stand up and go into detail about how the game works . Some sports fans , like one of my brothers , may bore you with all the statistics of a particular favourite player , completely oblivious of the interest ( or lack thereof ) or understanding of the listener . Football ( soccer ) is easy for me to understand , as that is played in the US . Rugby I have seen a little of and understand understand how they score , etc . But cricket is another matter . It does not help that I had never seen a match before yesterday . But the terminology had been cmpletely baffling to me . Even when I 've asked a question , everyone just shrugs it off with " It 's cricket . " So , while visiting my mother - in - law , who is recovering from her fall and is finally home , we watched the end of the cricket match , the second test . At this point , England needed 4 wickets and Australia needed something like 185 runs . As much as comparisons are made between cricket and baseball , they are completely dissimilar . The physiotherapist , an Australian , arrived just as England scored the first of the last 4 wickets . By the time she left , the game was over . In that time , I learned what a wicket was and what is meant by an " over " ( though I fail to understand how that terminology came about ) . I still don 't know how they decide who bats and who bowls and whether there is a set number of runs that needs to be scored , while I understand that the number of wickets is 10 . I still cannot grasp how a game can last days on end , the terminology of 20 / 20 , or why a female cricketer took nine hours to bowl nine overs . As far as I can understand , 6 balls is an over , so 9 overs is 54 balls . Why did it take so long ? Of course , I 'm still too ignorant of the game to even ask more questions and no one 's about to explain it unless I ask specific questions . Is it because it 's too complicated ? 4 A traditional British Mayday Fayre When we visited the UK this time last year , we drove around Wiltshire and found a small village holding a Mayday Fayre . Very " villagy " setting . It had food , music , a few games and several table - top stalls . But , having a British husband , I knew we were not getting the full traditional fayre treatment . So , we hoped to do better this year . It was with dismay , however , when I found that two places nearby were holding a fayre and neither sounded very traditional or interesting . The Friday - Ad did not list any others . So , I turned to the internet . The problem with that is that many villages would not think to advertise there . But , I figured , if they didn 't use technology and they wouldn 't even list in the papers , they probably either didn 't have one , or it was not worth listing . I guess I didn 't realise that some of these villages might be so well - known for having a grand fayre that word - of - mouth was adequate . Since we are not too well - acquainted with anyone in our area , we didn 't hear about any . Anyhow , I turned to technology . I know we should plan our weekends way ahead of time , but nothing in our lives ever fall into place with our plans anyway . So , I was searching for activities on Sunday . I was quickly frustrated with the Google searches because I could not find anything nearby . Some great fayres were being held in various counties around England , but none in our area . A fewer smaller events were taking place in villages in our Sussex , but they were not close and they were for Sunday . So , we had already missed out . If the family was willing , I thought we might try one of the fayres in a neighbouring county . But the kids were having too much fun with cutting the grass . ( Oh , yes , we couldn 't use the sheep , so we bought hedge shears - they were easier to store and a lot cheaper than a lawn mower . The kids decided that they wanted to cut the grass , so we let them have at it . Please don 't report us to the authorities for breaching child labour laws . ) They didn 't want to go anywhere because they found some snails and placed them in a jar and were using their cut - up grass to make salads for their new pets . Monday morning and I turned to Google again . After several pages of listings , I finally came upon a small village between Horsham and Crawley , called Rusper . It didn 't sound big , but certainly bigger than the one last year . Besides , it was a fairly short trip . The kids were interested , but not overly enthusiastic . The younger one liked the idea of a teddy bear parachute . Well , that was the first stop of the day for us . We arrived two hours into the festivities and looked around to see what was available . One of the first events we witnessed was the end of the first Panto Horse race . It was hysterical and they were calling for people to participate . The older one had a blank expression on her face and was clearly not impressed with anything . The younger one pressed for the parachute , so we headed over to the church . There , Pooh Bear made his first parachute jump from St . Magdalene 's , boasting the highest church tower in West Sussex . Pooh Bear even got a certificate of achievement for his bravery . Pooh landed in time for us to witness the second Maypole dancing of the day . A group of young girls expertly twisting and turning the ribbons around the Maypole was a new experience to me and our girls . Things went very well until the last dance , when the girls had weaved an intricate pattern on the pole , then went out and each returned with an audience member . Whether it was the number of dancers present or the newcomers having no idea what to do , it was hard to say , but there were a few moments of confusion as they tried to disentangle the ribbons . We had already missed both Punch and Judy shows - we have yet to see one . We went back to the little park where stalls were set up for Tombola , Lucky Dip , some kids ' games , and a few table - top sellers . We missed the Tombola , but they took a turn with Lucky Dip and the younger one went to hook some boats . We went back and forth to watch some Wellie Throwing , Panto Horse racing , and coconut shying . Finally , our older one took an interest and tried the coconut shy . She was unsuccessful but did manage to hit a coconut once . Daddy had much less luck . She also wanted to go in on the Panto Horse , but by this time , it was too late . But she did jump in for the tug - o - war at the end . There were several battles between the three pubs in the village . Then there was the kids ' one , followed by women . Now , the girls were winning their war when a group of older boys jumped in and pulled the boys back . More boys joined in for the second war and still had a hard win . Quite unfair when most of the boys looked to be about 10 years and over , while most of the girls looked to be about 10 years and younger . Oh , well , they had fun . They 're looking forward to more May Fayres and fetes . Tonight , we have a circus . 11 What are those yellow fields ? Flying into England during the summer months , we could see fields of yellow interspersed in the fields of green . We have never been able to identify the crop . As we drove around the countryside , we saw that the yellow plants were flowers of some kind . Sometimes , those plants can be scattered along the roadside . My first impression is that they looked like some weeds , or wildflowers that used to grow in our backyard in America . But I can 't believe that farmers would be planting fields and fields of them . As we drive by , sometimes we can detect a fragrance from them , but it 's hard to say whether it was actually from the plants . You see , it 's not exactly a pleasant fragrance , like you would expect from flowers . ( Then again , I don 't think all flowers have pleasant fragrances . Take marigolds , for example . ) Now that spring is here , I 'm starting to see those yellow fields again . During the winter months , those same fields looked fallow and I never suspected that they would be growing these plants in the spring . So , what are they ? I haven 't found anyone who might know . 4 The English fog There is the stereotype of London fog - perhaps bolstered by those Victorian images of Sherlock Holmes walking through London . I think many people in America have this image that England is perpetually surrounded by rain and fog . Perhaps it is also why England , or I should say all of Britain , is the perfect backdrop for a Gothic romance novel . Nowhere in the States did we ever experience a deep fog that lasts for a long time . Usually , you would get fog early in the morning , which lifts by mid - morning at the latest . Of course , you 'd find it with driving blizzard conditions and other storms . Then , of course , some cities were so polluted you would get some smog - a very dirty fog . But here , it seems so natural to have a fog that does not lift until well into the afternoon ; then the sun comes out bright and warm . It provides such a contrast in temperature . Visibility is poor on the road and as you 're driving through the country , it does give you an eerie feel . It 's the kind of thing that is perfect for Halloween . Today , as we walked through a town in the fog , there was a smell of wood - burning . It inspired images of a log cabin , though you wouldn 't have found that in this medieval town . Mixed with the scent of some of the flowers , it was very nostalgic , but I had difficulty in recalling where I had felt and smelt the sensations . Interestingly , the fog does not give me the feeling of gloom , as an overcast sky does . Somehow , it is invigorating and exciting . Again , it may be my love of the dramatic and gothic . 1 The image of England needs to be preserved This realm . This majesty . This England . Words from a United Airlines advertisement to promote tourism in England from some years back . It conjures up many images from childhood of a land of enchantment , fairy tales and legends , quaint villages , grand palaces , strong fortresses , good kings and queens , wicked villains , valiant knights , and humble peasants . Stories from books and scenes from movies all add to this image . Sometimes , reality does not live up to these fantasies . " This England " is not the land it once was . I have always been an Anglophile , but I can see the changes that have been wrought over the years . I do not only mean the ethnic make - up of this country , though that certainly has affected the character of this country in recent times . Immigration has led to expansion in housing and modernisation of many towns and villages . Though there are groups working hard to preserve Britain 's heritage and ancestry , it is impossible to save or recreate what England once was . That 's why it is such a joy to find hidden treasures , which are becoming more and more obsolete . Unfortunately , it is not just the foreigners who are changing or want to change the face of England . Some native Britons appear to have become jaded with the English culture . Some have called for an end to the monarchy . I realise that in recession , people can become jealous of the monarchy 's wealth , especially if it appears that members of that monarchy are not living up to expectations . However , since tourism still depends on the image of " Old England " , I say , " Long live the queen ! " Then , recently , there are reports on " the real Robin Hood " , called " Robert Hodd " . Okay , so maybe Errol Flynn wasn 't such a good guy after all , but he did look good in tights . Why do we want to de - romanticise such a legend ? I 'm sure I wouldn 't want to find a real King Arthur who turned out to have devils around a square table . Perhaps , I still view England with rose - coloured glasses . But I 'd rather do that than point to all its negative aspects or to take a positive feature and make it sordid . It 's very deflating to be constantly barraged with pessimism . The MOT test is a roadworthiness test used in the UK on vehicles over three years old . It tests the safety , roadworthiness and exhaust emissions of vehicles , and is not a test of the vehicle 's mechanical condition ( your car could breakdown on the way home from the MOT test center following a successful MOT test . ) The MOT test must be carried out at one of the UK 's registered MOT test centers and usually costs in the region of GBP 50 ( for a standard car ) . Cars over three years old must have annual MOT tests . It is illegal to drive a non - exempt vehicle on public roads without a valid MOT test certificate . Also , your car will need to pass an MOT test before you can purchase a road tax disc . The test is more thorough than the state inspections used in some US states ( at least , in our experience ) . Once your MOT test is taken care of you can proceed to get a tax disc . The tax disc is akin to the US vehicle license and registration , but for most , other than very new economical cars , it is more expensive ( usually upward of GBP 100 , and can be as much as GBP 400 ) . You can get a tax disc at either the post office or a local DVLA center . Any vehicle used or just parked on public roads is liable for the tax , and stiff penalties are in place for those who do not hold a current tax disc . If the dealer from whom you buy your car has a " documentation fee " then you should ask him what this covers . We have found that it usually means he will walk down to the local post office and transfer the tax disc to your name . For this he may charge you about GBP 50 . It 's something you can do easily yourself . Similar to the MOT certificate , if buying a secondhand vehicle , the existing tax disc may have several months left to run . The third and final requirement for getting a car on the road in the UK is valid motor insurance . There are very many insurance brokers in the UK , so be sure to shop around . If possible , avoid brokers altogether and talk directly to an insurer . There are several insurers that deal directly with the public . Direct Line is one , there are others . We very strongly suggest you talk to these before making a decision on your motor insurance ; it could save you many hundreds of pounds per year . Be very wary of the current fad of insurance comparison sites . In our experience , these do not always list many inexpensive insurers and are mostly a vehicle for brokers to ply extra trade . If you plan on driving on your US or overseas license then you should expect a hefty annual insurance premium ( likely to be upward of GBP 1100 per year ! ) from high street broker sold policies . You might have no choice but pay exaggerated premiums for 12 months until you establish a driving record in the UK . However , if you have a clean insurance record in the US then read on ! UK motor insurance has a " reward " system based on the concept of " no - claims " . For each full year you drive without an insurance claim against a UK insurer you earn points that give discounts on premiums for subsequent years . This is no good if you have spent the last 5 or 10 years driving in the US ! So , why am I telling you this ? Well , if you talk directly to an insurer ( such as DirectLine ) they might be willing to honour your clean insurance record from overseas . If you have , say , 5 years claims free with State Farm in the US then the insurer will consider a letter from State Farm when assessing your insurance . You need to be able to prove a claims free record with your US insurer . 1 Accessing public footpaths One of the most wonderful things about England that has not changed , despite the increase in immigration and the decrease in living space , is the use of public footpaths . These were created so that the public can have easy access , via foot , through fields and neighborhoods . These footpaths are clearly marked even though they may not be clearly visible if you rush by in a car . What is so special about these public footpaths is that they are practically all over the country . There are books about some of them because they are located in very scenic areas . Imagine walking through someone 's property and seeing the view as if from their own windows . You do not have to own these properties ( although it would be nice ) to appreciate the landscape . Of course , not all these footpaths go through scenic countryside . In the towns and villages , they may just be alleys . Nevertheless , they are convenient , if you are walking , to cross quickly and easily to the other side without going all the way around a block . It seems the English are very protective of these public footpaths . Even with the increase in demands for living quarters for immigrants and welfare beneficiaries and the decline in availability of land , these footpaths and their signs remain untouched . Furthermore , the existence of these footpaths seem to encourage walking , not only for exercise but for leisure . I would like to cover as many of the scenic footpaths as possible and make notes of my observations .

As I write this we are in the process of recovering from the 5 - 2 celebration we had here today . We celebrated Evangeline 's fifth birthday and Rachel 's second , with Rachel 's celebration coming only one day ahead of her actual birthday . What a great time ! I have now formally surrended in the fight to keep Barbie out of our house for as long as possible , that time now apparently having passed . E got two Barbie dolls this summer , which pretty much signaled the beginning of the end . The girls have fought more frequently and more contentiously over who gets to play with the two Barbies and with Ariel than anything . Today , E and R opened their presents from their Grandma H and found not only a new Barbie for each of them , but new outfits that fit their old dolls as well . ( For the first time in months , Ariel and Barbie are no longer lounging around the house naked , trying to seduce Moon Knight . ) * Additionally , when we have our smaller family gift - giving tomorrow , R is going to discover the Barbie doll that Daddy bought her last month , in foolish oblivion to his mother - in - law 's designs . Five Barbies , an Ariel and a Belle who walks around wearing nothing but her corset should be enough for a two - girl family , I reckon . Especially since the girls also have taken to playing with Moon Knight recently . R blew everyone away while unwrapping her presents today , when she opened a package from her Auntie Audra and discovered her own princess doll . " It 's Snow White ! " she said , clear as a bell of purest crystal . I am happy to report that although Snow White and Barbie briefly switched outfits this evening , she is still wearing clothes . Moon Knight reportedly is disappointed , but is happy he will not need to be increase his cold shower regimen in the near future . And naturally the fight we had to break up tonight was over who got to sleep with Snow White . E 's favorite gift today appears to be a queen outfit , complete with a gown , a crown and nice queen shoes . After the party had ended , the first thing she did was to change out of her dress aPosted by Our trip went well , all things considered , though next time I 'm going to try to find other things we can do while we 're up there . It just seems like such a waste to spend all that time on the train , and then turn around to come home after an hour . The train ride was a lot of fun , though . This was Evangeline 's second trip to a photo shoot in Babylon and she every bit as enthralled this time as last , perhaps even more . The entire way up to Penn Station in Babel , she kept the passengers in the car entertained by talking animatedly about how fast we were moving , asking if this stop was ours , and screaming , " Look , Daddy ! We 're in outer space ! " She surprised me , though . After we reached Penn Station , we got onto a PATH train to head to the World Trade Center in Babylon . Evangeline , who was not even 2 years old on 9 - 11 , asked me if it would be safe to go there . " Yes , " I told her . " The bad men who knocked the buildings down can 't hurt anyone anymore . " She was great the whole time . She loved going on the subway , and although she is still intimidated by escalators , was a trooper at going up one in Daddy 's arms , and never once let go of my hand the entire time we were in the city . We got off at Union Square , and she had a blast there , too , looking at all the pumpkins that were being sold , all the dogs that were being walked , and so on . Naturally , although I found 15th Street right away , I wasn 't sure of my orientation and ended up walking five blocks the wrong way before I was able to establish that I was getting farther from West 15th Street and not closer . Five blocks , carrying a child on my shoulders and a backpack full of books we brought in case we had to wait at the photographer 's for our turn . There was no waiting period at the photographer 's , though . We went in , filled out our paperwork , Evangeline got her picture , we left and got a snack , and then we began the trip back to Iowa in the middle of rush - hour traffic . It was a lot of fun to make the trip with her , but like I said , the next time I hope I can figure out some morPosted by Well , it 's done . Today I wrote my last two editorials , handed in my office key and said my goodbyes . Time and God alone will tell whether my being at WCN served any purpose or advanced the kingdom of God in any way . It was a hard time for me , but I 'd like to think that some good came of it . Actually , I know some good came of it . For starters , I know better now what I want out of my life and I think I 'm less likely to settle for something less than what I need . Being in a stinky situation has a way of giving you some sort of clarity about what you want , what you 're capable of , and why you keep ending up in bad spots . It still angers me that the W 's work only 40 hours a week and yet still take the money they do - - and then have the gall to say that there 's no money in the budget to provide better resources , hire more than a skeleton crew or pay us better . But in the long run , I think I gave some of my co - workers hope . An editor with the same ridiculous work load as me has given notice ; another editor told me he plans to give notice in two more weeks . And I know of two different reporters who have refused promotions because they want more money than the company is willing to give them . ( That apparently caught management completely off - guard when it happened , but people are catching on that we get change when we force them to face reality . ) It 's done , though . My wife starts full - time at Rutgers on Monday . It turns out that she actually will make more than I have been , and she 's going to get better benefits than I had too . ( And there 's no commute , since she can walk to work , which means we 'll save on gas . ) I expect I will vote for Kerry on Nov . 2 , but if Nader weren 't a looney , he might be a viable candidate for me to vote for . In no event is a vote for Nader a vote for Bush . It 's a vote for Nader , even if it indirectly leads to a Bush victory . The Star - Ledger published a voter 's guide Sunday that I want to look at more closely , since it 's possible its presentation of third party and big two candidates will lead me to reconsider my vote . ( Yes , I am still relatively undecided because , quite frankly , neither of the main two candidates appeals to me . ) White blond Jesus everywhere you look . He 's in the Sunday school material , even though Jesus wasn 't blonde . I taught at a Christian school in Bethlehem , Pa . , and he was in all the Bible class materials , even though all but two of my students were Hispanic or African - American . In Haiti , at the Baptist Haiti Mission in Fermathe , I saw a picture of the Holy Family in the art museum there . In this picture , a black Joseph was teaching a white Jesus the family trade while a white Mary was busily at work nearby . It was a very Haitian scene , except for the white people . A few weeks ago , we took a homeschooling field trip to the U . S . Mint in Philadelphia , and afterward went to visit the Betsy Ross house down the street . Lo and behold , they were having an impromptu sword fight by a troupe called Joke & Dagger . I genuinely wish I had brought a camera with me - - they 're not allowed in the mint , so I hadn 't bothered - - because the final segment of their presentation included giving training to children in the audience who could answer history questions connected with Colonial America . ( Evangeline correctly stated that there were 13 Colonies . ) For 15 or 20 minutes , Evangeline and Rachel dodged , parried , and generally came within a hairsbreadth time and again of hitting one another , the other children and the actors with their wooden poles as they swung them around . Evangeline actually drove one of the actors to the edge of the stage , and when they were teaching the children to duck and thrust , Rachel managed to go up and down at precisely the opposite moments of when she was supposed to . Much we all loved the Mint and enjoyed the visit to the Quaker Meeting House , I think the swordfight had to be everyone 's favorite part , especially because the girls got to go up on stage themselves . Twenty - five years ago today , " Jesus " opened in the U . S . Since then , it 's been shown in every country of the world , and translated into over 800 languages . Based on the gospel of Luke with a disco twist , it has been called a " Saturday Night Jesus . " For its protestations to be nonpartisan , this petition does take a few obvious swipes at Bush . That , I suspect , is due more to the presumption , real or imagined , of the Right that everyone who follows Christ should vote Republican in the national election . Still , I wholly agree with the basic thrust of the petition : There are other moral issues that Christ calls us to work toward that both parties systematically ignore . Politicians and politically minded folks regularly use religion as a means of building support for themselves , their candidates or their issues . I 've seen or heard it used to rally opposition to same - sex unions , to oppose stem cell research and abortion , to call for reforming public education , and just to suggest that one presidential candidate is somehow superior to another . It really gets sickening after a while . Which was more laughable : Bush calling Jesus Christ his favorite philosopher , or Howard Dean claiming that Job is his favorite New Testament book ? Ridiculous . People of conscience , religious and not , are going to have stands on all these positions , and I think it 's a given that God cares deeply about these and other issues facing America , including those that don 't get mentioned . If politicians are going to be brazen enough to invoke God 's name to justify their candidacy , then they need to follow through with a commitment to pursuing the things that God names as his priorities , not just the hot - button political issues of the day . And both sides of the political debate , Right and Left , need to remember that there are legitimate differences of opinion on several of these issues . Greg Hartman is opposed to same - sex marriage ; I support it , and I 'm proud to call him a brother . To naby , abortion is the overriding issue that trumps all others ; while I am unabashedly pro - life , I consider other issues as well - - and still we stand in prayer for one another when the need arises , and would share Communion if the chance arose . It 's not an issue of whether we 're a Christian nation ; it 's whether those who dPosted by Dear Vera , Believe it or not , but I understand exactly what you 're saying . What you 're going through , and perhaps staring to see the end of , is one of those long trough periods called the Long Dark Night of the Soul . They 're hideous . They 're times when it feels as though God has led you down a dark and treacherous path to the very bottom , and suddenly leaves you there . On every side are monsters with teeth and claws that will rend you if you take one wrong step , and when you scream and curse and howl at the One who led you into that pit , demanding some explanation , some reason that could possibly justify why a God who claims to be so full of love would do this to you , all you get is one simple command : " Follow me . " I 've been there . I know how you feel . Losing my son two years ago was the worst thing I have ever been through in my life , and it was every bit as bad as what I just described , if not actually worse . If I can give you any encouragement , it is this : You are not alone . You cannot always see us , but you are hemmed in on all sides by a great cloud of witnesses , of other believers who have been to that place of despair and places worse still and found victory in Christ . The longer - standing members of this forum carried me far during that time - - I don 't think they know how far , and in some ways I don 't think even I can fathom how far - - and we will carry you . It 's not just in prayer , but it is a mystery . Who among us does not suffer and the rest of us do not suffer with them ? We 're a body , and when one part is injured the whole body feels the pain . You are not alone , and one day the anguish will be over . Before that happens , you may have felt pain a thousand times worse than anything you ever known before , and you may have sunk deeper into despair than you ever have . But it will end . And when it is over , you will find that you experience joy in a fullness you never believed possible , and find a peace and a faith that are more unshakeable than you have ever known . I still have scars from what happened to me when Posted by Anyone who thinks we can significantly end terrorism with military force is kidding themselves . And , I just don 't see Jesus advocating military force against anybody . There has to be a better way . There has to be a better way , but I have no idea what it would be . Some might say , something along the lines of " Give them what they want , and supposedly they 'll go away . " Of course , it used to be when a terrorist struck , the group would issue a demand , like " Withdraw the occupying troops from Belfast " or something . Al Qaeda made no such demand on 9 - 11 . The whole of their message seemed contained in the events of the day : Die . I think we can make a strong case , that privation provides as fertile a breeding ground for terrorist ideology as a pile of manure does for flies . But how do you end that privation ? I 've lived in the Third World ; I 've seen how much U . S . aid money makes it to the people it 's intended for , and how much makes it into private bank accounts . Pouring money into other countries willynilly does little to solve their economic problems , and often ends up fostering anti - American sentiment because we shore up corrupt and oppressive regimes like the Taliban or Saddam Hussein 's . Not to say that poverty is the only cause . Bin Laden and his lieutenants were all wealthy and educated . Clearly living in an insular society that brutally suppresses free thought also can lead people to horrific crimes and terrorist behavior . But impoverished areas can be terrific breeding grounds for hatred and terror . Bin Laden and Arafat , after all , don 't blow themselves up . They send other people . And generally , although not universally , terror finds more support among people who feel they have no other way to express their voice , not among the well educated and wealthy who stand to lose if the status quo is shaken . The remedy , ultimately , isn 't going to come from a political system , since in the end this isn 't a political or economic issue but a spiritual one . So the question before us really is , how do we as citizens of the Kingdom of Posted by In the years since , the Religious Left has been at the forefront of issues such as women 's suffrage and the Civil Rights movement . Susan B . Anthony ? She was a Quaker . The Rev . Dr . Martin Luther King Jr . ? That should be obvious . Many who added their voices to his in calling for an end to segregation , did so because they shared his convictions , based in the teachings and example of Jesus , that racial segregation has no place in a civilized society . Not surprisingly , religious liberals have strong feelings about war . While the establishment has pounded the drums for war , religious liberals have manned humanitarian efforts in the middle of battle zones to make sure that the wounded innocents are cared for , since the time of the Civil War on . Others have fought hard to maintain or restore the peace , remembering as Jesus said , " Blessed are the peacemakers , for they shall be called sons of God . " During the last 20 - odd years , the Religious Right has been the dominant voice from Christian groups , as it has claimed a monopoly on truth , and its interpretation and application . Depending on whom you listen to , any deviation from the party line - - which increasingly has meant the Republican Party line - - is unpardonable . You can 't disagree and still be a " real " Christian . That 's it . If it means some people will take advantage of the system , so be it . In the long run , I 'd rather be taken advantage of than to throw a family out on the street because they couldn 't pay the mortgage in a sour economy . I 'd rather have less money in my own pocket than leave employees struggling to get the health care they need . I 'd rather face disappointed shareholders than reward years of company loyalty with job outsourcing . I was complaining at work Monday night that everyone has forgotten the true meaning of Halloween , and it 's all become commercialized . Nowadays the Great Pumpkin rises from the pumpkin patch and starts doing endorsements for one brand name after another . Aside from that , it 's just a fun and harmless children 's holiday . When it ceases to be fun because of vandalism or recklessness , it needs to be reined in , but I really don 't worry that my daughter is going to run off and join a coven because we made paper jack - o ' - lanterns yesterday for homeschool crafts . I did explain to her the history of jack - o ' - lanterns , and told her that people used them before they knew about Jesus to keep themselves safe from scary things . ( Evangeline has an active imagination , so I didn 't see a need to start filling her idea with notions about ghosts , goblins and demons in the hours just before bedtime . ) I told her that now that we know about Jesus and don 't need to be afraid of those things , we make jack - o ' - lanterns because they 're fun to make and because they also can remind us that Christ is the one who frees us from fear and from our sin . I don 't necessarily believe in ghosts , but I love the stories people tell about them . I 've heard stories of mischievous ghosts that hide the car keys , protective ghosts that drive off intruders , malevolent ghosts that try to kill people for coming into the ghost 's territory , compassionate ghosts that comfort people who are upset , and indifferent ghosts who are just minding their own business , doing what they used to do when they were still alive . I heard one ghost story about a teenage girl who desecrated a grave - - I think it was something relatively minor , like stepping on it , or leaving a note there for somebody - - and started getting stalked by the ghost in a threatening manner , including one point where the ghost tried to strangle her . I would have no problem believing a spirit that malevolent is demonic . On the other hand , what about the squatter ghost Daniel mentioned to Christina , who hangs out by a campfire only he can see and still thinks he 's in the 1800s ? There 's a ghost story in Clark about a man who died of a heart attack while walking his dog to the train station , and could be seen many as 60 years later , still walking along the tracks ? ( He finally disappeared when the train station was torn down to widen Central Avenue . ) That hardly seems overtly demonic ; nor does Sam , the ghost who allegedly haunts WCN Newspapers . Sam supposedly is a former publisher who feels bad for reporters who have to stay there late , and supposedly has appeared to a couple late at night and put a comforting arm on their shoulders , metaphorically speaking . I 'm not inclined to give much time or space to any ghost that appears to me , but at the same time I 'm reluctant to say they 're all demons . I 'd be hard - pressed to tell what exactly they 'd be getting out of hiding the car keys , for one thing . Even though a demon can appear as an angel of light , it still invariably is going to tip its hand by the effect it has on people or the things it communicates . In any event , I would say that most ghost stories are outright fabrications , and Posted by

As I write this we are in the process of recovering from the 5 - 2 celebration we had here today . We celebrated Evangeline 's fifth birthday and Rachel 's second , with Rachel 's celebration coming only one day ahead of her actual birthday . What a great time ! I have now formally surrended in the fight to keep Barbie out of our house for as long as possible , that time now apparently having passed . E got two Barbie dolls this summer , which pretty much signaled the beginning of the end . The girls have fought more frequently and more contentiously over who gets to play with the two Barbies and with Ariel than anything . Today , E and R opened their presents from their Grandma H and found not only a new Barbie for each of them , but new outfits that fit their old dolls as well . ( For the first time in months , Ariel and Barbie are no longer lounging around the house naked , trying to seduce Moon Knight . ) * Additionally , when we have our smaller family gift - giving tomorrow , R is going to discover the Barbie doll that Daddy bought her last month , in foolish oblivion to his mother - in - law 's designs . Five Barbies , an Ariel and a Belle who walks around wearing nothing but her corset should be enough for a two - girl family , I reckon . Especially since the girls also have taken to playing with Moon Knight recently . R blew everyone away while unwrapping her presents today , when she opened a package from her Auntie Audra and discovered her own princess doll . " It 's Snow White ! " she said , clear as a bell of purest crystal . I am happy to report that although Snow White and Barbie briefly switched outfits this evening , she is still wearing clothes . Moon Knight reportedly is disappointed , but is happy he will not need to be increase his cold shower regimen in the near future . And naturally the fight we had to break up tonight was over who got to sleep with Snow White . E 's favorite gift today appears to be a queen outfit , complete with a gown , a crown and nice queen shoes . After the party had ended , the first thing she did was to change out of her dress aPosted by Our trip went well , all things considered , though next time I 'm going to try to find other things we can do while we 're up there . It just seems like such a waste to spend all that time on the train , and then turn around to come home after an hour . The train ride was a lot of fun , though . This was Evangeline 's second trip to a photo shoot in Babylon and she every bit as enthralled this time as last , perhaps even more . The entire way up to Penn Station in Babel , she kept the passengers in the car entertained by talking animatedly about how fast we were moving , asking if this stop was ours , and screaming , " Look , Daddy ! We 're in outer space ! " She surprised me , though . After we reached Penn Station , we got onto a PATH train to head to the World Trade Center in Babylon . Evangeline , who was not even 2 years old on 9 - 11 , asked me if it would be safe to go there . " Yes , " I told her . " The bad men who knocked the buildings down can 't hurt anyone anymore . " She was great the whole time . She loved going on the subway , and although she is still intimidated by escalators , was a trooper at going up one in Daddy 's arms , and never once let go of my hand the entire time we were in the city . We got off at Union Square , and she had a blast there , too , looking at all the pumpkins that were being sold , all the dogs that were being walked , and so on . Naturally , although I found 15th Street right away , I wasn 't sure of my orientation and ended up walking five blocks the wrong way before I was able to establish that I was getting farther from West 15th Street and not closer . Five blocks , carrying a child on my shoulders and a backpack full of books we brought in case we had to wait at the photographer 's for our turn . There was no waiting period at the photographer 's , though . We went in , filled out our paperwork , Evangeline got her picture , we left and got a snack , and then we began the trip back to Iowa in the middle of rush - hour traffic . It was a lot of fun to make the trip with her , but like I said , the next time I hope I can figure out some morPosted by Well , it 's done . Today I wrote my last two editorials , handed in my office key and said my goodbyes . Time and God alone will tell whether my being at WCN served any purpose or advanced the kingdom of God in any way . It was a hard time for me , but I 'd like to think that some good came of it . Actually , I know some good came of it . For starters , I know better now what I want out of my life and I think I 'm less likely to settle for something less than what I need . Being in a stinky situation has a way of giving you some sort of clarity about what you want , what you 're capable of , and why you keep ending up in bad spots . It still angers me that the W 's work only 40 hours a week and yet still take the money they do - - and then have the gall to say that there 's no money in the budget to provide better resources , hire more than a skeleton crew or pay us better . But in the long run , I think I gave some of my co - workers hope . An editor with the same ridiculous work load as me has given notice ; another editor told me he plans to give notice in two more weeks . And I know of two different reporters who have refused promotions because they want more money than the company is willing to give them . ( That apparently caught management completely off - guard when it happened , but people are catching on that we get change when we force them to face reality . ) It 's done , though . My wife starts full - time at Rutgers on Monday . It turns out that she actually will make more than I have been , and she 's going to get better benefits than I had too . ( And there 's no commute , since she can walk to work , which means we 'll save on gas . ) I expect I will vote for Kerry on Nov . 2 , but if Nader weren 't a looney , he might be a viable candidate for me to vote for . In no event is a vote for Nader a vote for Bush . It 's a vote for Nader , even if it indirectly leads to a Bush victory . The Star - Ledger published a voter 's guide Sunday that I want to look at more closely , since it 's possible its presentation of third party and big two candidates will lead me to reconsider my vote . ( Yes , I am still relatively undecided because , quite frankly , neither of the main two candidates appeals to me . ) White blond Jesus everywhere you look . He 's in the Sunday school material , even though Jesus wasn 't blonde . I taught at a Christian school in Bethlehem , Pa . , and he was in all the Bible class materials , even though all but two of my students were Hispanic or African - American . In Haiti , at the Baptist Haiti Mission in Fermathe , I saw a picture of the Holy Family in the art museum there . In this picture , a black Joseph was teaching a white Jesus the family trade while a white Mary was busily at work nearby . It was a very Haitian scene , except for the white people . A few weeks ago , we took a homeschooling field trip to the U . S . Mint in Philadelphia , and afterward went to visit the Betsy Ross house down the street . Lo and behold , they were having an impromptu sword fight by a troupe called Joke & Dagger . I genuinely wish I had brought a camera with me - - they 're not allowed in the mint , so I hadn 't bothered - - because the final segment of their presentation included giving training to children in the audience who could answer history questions connected with Colonial America . ( Evangeline correctly stated that there were 13 Colonies . ) For 15 or 20 minutes , Evangeline and Rachel dodged , parried , and generally came within a hairsbreadth time and again of hitting one another , the other children and the actors with their wooden poles as they swung them around . Evangeline actually drove one of the actors to the edge of the stage , and when they were teaching the children to duck and thrust , Rachel managed to go up and down at precisely the opposite moments of when she was supposed to . Much we all loved the Mint and enjoyed the visit to the Quaker Meeting House , I think the swordfight had to be everyone 's favorite part , especially because the girls got to go up on stage themselves . Twenty - five years ago today , " Jesus " opened in the U . S . Since then , it 's been shown in every country of the world , and translated into over 800 languages . Based on the gospel of Luke with a disco twist , it has been called a " Saturday Night Jesus . " For its protestations to be nonpartisan , this petition does take a few obvious swipes at Bush . That , I suspect , is due more to the presumption , real or imagined , of the Right that everyone who follows Christ should vote Republican in the national election . Still , I wholly agree with the basic thrust of the petition : There are other moral issues that Christ calls us to work toward that both parties systematically ignore . Politicians and politically minded folks regularly use religion as a means of building support for themselves , their candidates or their issues . I 've seen or heard it used to rally opposition to same - sex unions , to oppose stem cell research and abortion , to call for reforming public education , and just to suggest that one presidential candidate is somehow superior to another . It really gets sickening after a while . Which was more laughable : Bush calling Jesus Christ his favorite philosopher , or Howard Dean claiming that Job is his favorite New Testament book ? Ridiculous . People of conscience , religious and not , are going to have stands on all these positions , and I think it 's a given that God cares deeply about these and other issues facing America , including those that don 't get mentioned . If politicians are going to be brazen enough to invoke God 's name to justify their candidacy , then they need to follow through with a commitment to pursuing the things that God names as his priorities , not just the hot - button political issues of the day . And both sides of the political debate , Right and Left , need to remember that there are legitimate differences of opinion on several of these issues . Greg Hartman is opposed to same - sex marriage ; I support it , and I 'm proud to call him a brother . To naby , abortion is the overriding issue that trumps all others ; while I am unabashedly pro - life , I consider other issues as well - - and still we stand in prayer for one another when the need arises , and would share Communion if the chance arose . It 's not an issue of whether we 're a Christian nation ; it 's whether those who dPosted by Dear Vera , Believe it or not , but I understand exactly what you 're saying . What you 're going through , and perhaps staring to see the end of , is one of those long trough periods called the Long Dark Night of the Soul . They 're hideous . They 're times when it feels as though God has led you down a dark and treacherous path to the very bottom , and suddenly leaves you there . On every side are monsters with teeth and claws that will rend you if you take one wrong step , and when you scream and curse and howl at the One who led you into that pit , demanding some explanation , some reason that could possibly justify why a God who claims to be so full of love would do this to you , all you get is one simple command : " Follow me . " I 've been there . I know how you feel . Losing my son two years ago was the worst thing I have ever been through in my life , and it was every bit as bad as what I just described , if not actually worse . If I can give you any encouragement , it is this : You are not alone . You cannot always see us , but you are hemmed in on all sides by a great cloud of witnesses , of other believers who have been to that place of despair and places worse still and found victory in Christ . The longer - standing members of this forum carried me far during that time - - I don 't think they know how far , and in some ways I don 't think even I can fathom how far - - and we will carry you . It 's not just in prayer , but it is a mystery . Who among us does not suffer and the rest of us do not suffer with them ? We 're a body , and when one part is injured the whole body feels the pain . You are not alone , and one day the anguish will be over . Before that happens , you may have felt pain a thousand times worse than anything you ever known before , and you may have sunk deeper into despair than you ever have . But it will end . And when it is over , you will find that you experience joy in a fullness you never believed possible , and find a peace and a faith that are more unshakeable than you have ever known . I still have scars from what happened to me when Posted by Anyone who thinks we can significantly end terrorism with military force is kidding themselves . And , I just don 't see Jesus advocating military force against anybody . There has to be a better way . There has to be a better way , but I have no idea what it would be . Some might say , something along the lines of " Give them what they want , and supposedly they 'll go away . " Of course , it used to be when a terrorist struck , the group would issue a demand , like " Withdraw the occupying troops from Belfast " or something . Al Qaeda made no such demand on 9 - 11 . The whole of their message seemed contained in the events of the day : Die . I think we can make a strong case , that privation provides as fertile a breeding ground for terrorist ideology as a pile of manure does for flies . But how do you end that privation ? I 've lived in the Third World ; I 've seen how much U . S . aid money makes it to the people it 's intended for , and how much makes it into private bank accounts . Pouring money into other countries willynilly does little to solve their economic problems , and often ends up fostering anti - American sentiment because we shore up corrupt and oppressive regimes like the Taliban or Saddam Hussein 's . Not to say that poverty is the only cause . Bin Laden and his lieutenants were all wealthy and educated . Clearly living in an insular society that brutally suppresses free thought also can lead people to horrific crimes and terrorist behavior . But impoverished areas can be terrific breeding grounds for hatred and terror . Bin Laden and Arafat , after all , don 't blow themselves up . They send other people . And generally , although not universally , terror finds more support among people who feel they have no other way to express their voice , not among the well educated and wealthy who stand to lose if the status quo is shaken . The remedy , ultimately , isn 't going to come from a political system , since in the end this isn 't a political or economic issue but a spiritual one . So the question before us really is , how do we as citizens of the Kingdom of Posted by In the years since , the Religious Left has been at the forefront of issues such as women 's suffrage and the Civil Rights movement . Susan B . Anthony ? She was a Quaker . The Rev . Dr . Martin Luther King Jr . ? That should be obvious . Many who added their voices to his in calling for an end to segregation , did so because they shared his convictions , based in the teachings and example of Jesus , that racial segregation has no place in a civilized society . Not surprisingly , religious liberals have strong feelings about war . While the establishment has pounded the drums for war , religious liberals have manned humanitarian efforts in the middle of battle zones to make sure that the wounded innocents are cared for , since the time of the Civil War on . Others have fought hard to maintain or restore the peace , remembering as Jesus said , " Blessed are the peacemakers , for they shall be called sons of God . " During the last 20 - odd years , the Religious Right has been the dominant voice from Christian groups , as it has claimed a monopoly on truth , and its interpretation and application . Depending on whom you listen to , any deviation from the party line - - which increasingly has meant the Republican Party line - - is unpardonable . You can 't disagree and still be a " real " Christian . That 's it . If it means some people will take advantage of the system , so be it . In the long run , I 'd rather be taken advantage of than to throw a family out on the street because they couldn 't pay the mortgage in a sour economy . I 'd rather have less money in my own pocket than leave employees struggling to get the health care they need . I 'd rather face disappointed shareholders than reward years of company loyalty with job outsourcing . I was complaining at work Monday night that everyone has forgotten the true meaning of Halloween , and it 's all become commercialized . Nowadays the Great Pumpkin rises from the pumpkin patch and starts doing endorsements for one brand name after another . Aside from that , it 's just a fun and harmless children 's holiday . When it ceases to be fun because of vandalism or recklessness , it needs to be reined in , but I really don 't worry that my daughter is going to run off and join a coven because we made paper jack - o ' - lanterns yesterday for homeschool crafts . I did explain to her the history of jack - o ' - lanterns , and told her that people used them before they knew about Jesus to keep themselves safe from scary things . ( Evangeline has an active imagination , so I didn 't see a need to start filling her idea with notions about ghosts , goblins and demons in the hours just before bedtime . ) I told her that now that we know about Jesus and don 't need to be afraid of those things , we make jack - o ' - lanterns because they 're fun to make and because they also can remind us that Christ is the one who frees us from fear and from our sin . I don 't necessarily believe in ghosts , but I love the stories people tell about them . I 've heard stories of mischievous ghosts that hide the car keys , protective ghosts that drive off intruders , malevolent ghosts that try to kill people for coming into the ghost 's territory , compassionate ghosts that comfort people who are upset , and indifferent ghosts who are just minding their own business , doing what they used to do when they were still alive . I heard one ghost story about a teenage girl who desecrated a grave - - I think it was something relatively minor , like stepping on it , or leaving a note there for somebody - - and started getting stalked by the ghost in a threatening manner , including one point where the ghost tried to strangle her . I would have no problem believing a spirit that malevolent is demonic . On the other hand , what about the squatter ghost Daniel mentioned to Christina , who hangs out by a campfire only he can see and still thinks he 's in the 1800s ? There 's a ghost story in Clark about a man who died of a heart attack while walking his dog to the train station , and could be seen many as 60 years later , still walking along the tracks ? ( He finally disappeared when the train station was torn down to widen Central Avenue . ) That hardly seems overtly demonic ; nor does Sam , the ghost who allegedly haunts WCN Newspapers . Sam supposedly is a former publisher who feels bad for reporters who have to stay there late , and supposedly has appeared to a couple late at night and put a comforting arm on their shoulders , metaphorically speaking . I 'm not inclined to give much time or space to any ghost that appears to me , but at the same time I 'm reluctant to say they 're all demons . I 'd be hard - pressed to tell what exactly they 'd be getting out of hiding the car keys , for one thing . Even though a demon can appear as an angel of light , it still invariably is going to tip its hand by the effect it has on people or the things it communicates . In any event , I would say that most ghost stories are outright fabrications , and Posted by

The forecast we got from Everestnews . com [ Hanif ] has been right on target so far . Knowing Friday would be unpleasant and too dangerous to climb the slopes of K2 , we decided to go �� sightseeing � , as Mingma put it . Dave and Chuck had the same idea , so we all picked up our backpacks , departing on a two - hour hike to ABC to camp there . If the weather , by some miracle , shows any sign of improvement , we will climb up directly to C2 and try to camp there instead . With Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori expedition � s thorough preparedness ( with camp stashed with all the necessities of gas , food , oxygen , extra sleeping bags ) , we wanted to make the trip just to stay in shape for our eventual summit bid . As we settled in ABC , the night fell quickly , but we managed to get some soup . The cold air started to bite , so everyone bundled up in the sleeping bags - - except me . Having miscalculated the number of sleeping bags at ABC , I ended up without one . But with the extra fleece and Mingma 's down suit , I was able to keep warm . Just as I was falling asleep , I heard the noise of icy snow hitting our EMS tent , sounding like handfuls of rice being thrown on top of the tent . I sat up and saw that it was snowing " hard " , just as Hanif had reported to Everestnews . com . I tried to get back to sleep but the noise was too much . As I rolled from one side to another , I felt the rocks beneath my back - - my Thermarest had lost its air . I turned the lamp on ; Mingma was completely covered in his down sleeping bag , along with Rinjing , sharing the same sleeping bag , purring like a cat next to him . Chuck , Dave , and Mike were silent , sleeping in the two tents next door . Lying there I began losing hope that we would be going anywhere but down . I tried again to get some sleep just in case we do go up ; I can � t afford to be too tired going directly to C2 . I woke up and saw a little light , but clouds rushing in from below were an indication the weather won � t be what we want . Rinjing sat up and sighed , � Ma , ma , ma , ma � . I learned years ago upon first mDave looked at Mingma and said , " We go down , smoke a cigarette , Muna make good food , and we � ll sleep well . " We all laughed . This is the kind of atmosphere I really like when climbing a big mountain like this - - having such good company with climbers like Chuck and Dave makes me love these adventurous trips even more . Just as we were ready to leave , Dave noticed two large plastic bags of garbage left by other climbers under a large boulder . " Should we carry this garbage down " ? Dave asked us . Goraks ( blackbirds ) had chewed through the two bags , so I asked if anybody had an extra . empty one . Chuck went to Mike 's tent to get two large kitchen bags ; I took one and Dave one - - we did something good for the environment . The garbage will be taken down by our porters when they arrive . Ali , our cook , separated all the aluminum and tin cans for recycling and the rest of the garbage will be incinerated . Although our trip to ABC was not what we intended , it was fun and helpful . Too many days of playing cards with little physical activity isn � t good for any of us . On the way back down to BC , I could see Mingma and Rinjing hurrying to the kitchen tent . With empty stomachs , our minds directed us to our kitchen and , to my surprise , my favorite food was being served - - bean soup . Having been gone from ABC for a night , I worried about Chini , the little mouse that took residence in our kitchen after Hoselito Bite , the Serbian climber , abandoned him . He had plenty to eat for now and , in the night , I woke up with him sleeping on my belly . I really wanted to bring him inside my sleeping bag but so far I did not have enough � communication � with him . Chini was baptized by Hoselito ; I was grateful the Serbian climber , like me , was an animal lover . Chini has rounded up a little and I worried he � d become obese and get sick ; after all he doesn 't have to search for food � it � s everywhere . I asked Ali what Chini 's nationality was : is he from Hushe , Askoli , is he Balti or what ? To my surprise Ali and most Pakistani think the mice come from the sky ; maybe , but Chini must � ve piggy - backed on some of our food barrels . So now the poor thing is without friends or girlfriend , and all he has to do is eat . One thing for sure : he is acclimatized and , if in some way I can talk with him , I � ll ask him to join me for a summit push . If not , I told Ali to catch him before we go down and hand him over to me . I want to take him from here to the nearest village and tell him that there is much more to life than eating all day . I � m worried Chini will venture outside when it � s warm , for a sun bath . He must be careful - - the big black ravens and Goraks are everywhere and , most importantly , hungry . How can I warn Chini of the ever present dangers , one bad move and he � ll no longer be with me . I � ll be brokenhearted ; seriously , I love mice and all animals . I got used to seeing him ; he � s my pal now . Ali told me he spotted him inside the tissue box ( no surprise here ; he � s not stupid ) , a lofty , soft and warm place . My down jacket , softer and warmer than the tissue , will be off limits , if he discoversFrom The Goodwin Austen Glacier , George Dijmarescu reports on behalf of Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 expedition exclusively for Everestnews . com 8 / 13 - - I woke up again this morning to a white mantle of newly fallen snow from yesterday and last night . Chogori AKA K2 was invisible in the morning ; Ali , our cook , woke up earlier to prepare breakfast , mine the usual espresso - - only this time it was a double . Dave , Chuck and Andy went up the day before yesterday to C2 to check out the route and conditions . Chuck and Andy returned to BC the same day but Dave decided to stay overnight at C2 . The weather turned bad and Dave returned the next day with quite a story . Playing cards remains our only pastime . We hope for a break in the weather to at least be able to move around , go to ABC or the upper camps . Andy came up to say goodbye - - his time had run out and , although his departure was announced days in advance , we were sorry to see him go . On the light side � We keep two tables outside for lunch during good weather ; but now loaded with snow , Mingma , our veteran sherpa , started to build a snow man on top of them . While we chatted with Andy , the snowman began to take shape : Mingma created an image of himself , we think . We knew it wasn � t a snow woman , but with a closer look , we noticed one of the snowman � s � private parts � was disproportionately long . Before the snow man began to melt , Dave took a snap shot of it . It was a hilarious note for Andy � s departure , one he � ll probably remember for a long time . As we sat outside Dave 's kitchen tent , basking in a fleeting sun , an avalanche came cascading down , pouring freshly deposited , powder snow down a narrow gully . The noise made us scramble for a video camera - - I got quite a few minutes of this amazing display of nature at its most fierce , an event always feared by climbers who venture onto mountains loaded with snow . Last night another loud noise made us rush outside to see " what 's falling now ? � . Just behind our kitchen tent , a massive rock falling avalanche , rocks the size of wash machines , tumbled down the mountain � s steep slopes , taking more rocks with them . The velocity of the falling rocks caused them to crash violently into others in their path , making them disintegrate almost into powder . Tons and tons of rocks tumbled to the bottom . All that remained was a cloud of rock dust , hissing an echo of the piercing noise . We couldn � t resist watching such a powerful display ; it made me think even more how insignificant and powerless we are in this environment on K2 . Staying inside because of the weather makes our isolation seem worse - - we need to exercise to keep our bodies in shape . None of us have a short wave radio , so we all are craving for news from home . At this point , even political news is welcome . Olympics . . . . go , USA , for the most gold medals ! To my family : Sunny , Shiny , Lakpa , Claudia , my niece , and my father , Valeriu . I am fine , don 't worry about me , we are safe here in BC ; it may take more days before we head up the mountain once again . Earlier : Today , Tuesday , Aug 12 , I woke up to a warm morning , went outside and saw the landscape of a fairyland - - everything white , soft , and , most important , clean . The snow continued through our time at breakfast . I placed a radio call to Dave , who went yesterday to C2 and decided to stay there . He reported wind and snow , but his main concern was the danger of an avalanche . I always ask him to be extra careful on the way down ; so , as always , he complies � safety first . The forecast we received from Everestnews [ Hanif 's ] is so far perfect : today ; Tuesday , was predicted to be " hard " , with the two following days to be good weather , and Friday � s weather deteriorating again . Yesterday we played cards with Mingma , Rinjing , Ali and Muna , Chuck Boyd 's cook . I was surprised how fast time passed as I learned one of the local card games . We laughed , and Ali once again enchanted us with the Balti songs and his pleasant voice . There isn � t much to do here while waiting for good weather . I was planning to hike up to the icefall here to get a better view of how deep the crevasses are , but poor visibility made it prohibitive for good picture taking . For perfect pictures , I need a clear day . A two - hour climb on a scree slope will put me almost at the heart of the icefall with more icefall above . It must be an impressive sight . As I look up , Chogori AKA K2 shows its face only at the lower elevations , so I placed another radio call to Watson , who , still on his descent , responded that he was in � full winter condition � , with " frozen ropes , spindrift and wind " . But warming temperatures will most likely make the snowy white mantle disappear , with the rocky moraine on which we live , once again , all too familiar . It � s so easy to lose your drive for the summit with weather like this , but our Sunny Mountain Guides group is determined as ever to be patient with this mountain and wait till it says " welcome " . Time , patience and luck - - the first two we have ; the last , we will see . A few good wishes from the Everestnews readers will be very welcome messages at this time . [ You can e - mail them at ] We don 't have the wherewithal to just do " nothing " ! Thanks in advance . Once again a message to my family , Sunny , Shiny and Lakpa , as well as my niece , Claudia , and my father , Valeriu : I love you all so much . Please have faith in me that I will make the right decision ; my decisions will be with you all in mind . I miss you . Earlier : For the K2 expedition , Lakpa Sherpa ( Sherpani ) six - time Everest summiter , dispatched two sherpa here - - one , her brother - in - law , Rinjing Sherpa , a four - time Everest summiter , and Mingma Thunduk Sherpa , also a four - time summiter of Everest but also an older , veteran Himalayan summiter of numerous other , eight - thousand - meter giants . I had met Mingma , this man of small stature years before on Everest , but got to know him better at a party in Kathmandu at the home of one of Lakpa 's twin sisters , Pasang . ( Married to a French man from Paris and residing there as well , often return to Kathmandu , in part to get their son , Dani , used to the Nepali language . ) It was a party I will never forget - - most sherpa were from Makalu , happily celebrating their summits . Large grilled fish , lots of salads with American - bought dressing , were served along with Carlsberg beer and French wine ; we listened to music from all over the world , including Romania . The sherpa wore kadar , the traditional Nepali shawl with shades of light yellow , representing good wishes . Elderly Nepali folks joined the party as well . Mingma , with his ever - present smile and small stature , stood apart from most . As our climbing partner here , Mingma has the job of ensuring K2 is summited and summited safely . Only last year Mingma topped out K2 with a Korean woman . They summited rather late , at 6 p . m . but managed to be back in C4 by 10 : 30 p . m . As a climber who knows the route , Mingma serves as the eyes and our guide to the summit ; his knowledge of the mountain is vital to our success . I sat down with Mingma many times and he told me stories of his past climbs , but one seems to circle time and again . As I made the comment that K2 is much harder than Everest , he assured me that I haven 't seen a hard and dangerous climb yet : The South Face Of Lhotse in winter , arguably the most dangerous climb anywhere . But why in winter - - isn 't South Face hard enough , why in winter ? Well , one only has to listen to Mingma about his experience just last year , 2007 . The expedition staThe Korean climbers made every effort to keep up with the Nepalese sherpa , and helped them fix the ropes as well . The BC is only an hour from the village of Chukum - - a green , relaxing place . On his team was also Pasang Bhote who perished here on K2 Aug 1st . The first sherpa who was hit was Nima Tenzing of Makalu . A large rock hit his left thigh , seriously injuring him . He was sent limping to Kathmandu for treatment , but the brave , perhaps foolish , sherpa wanted to come back for more , and did . Only five days after his return working on the upper slopes of Lhotse , Nima Tenzing � s fingers froze and were amputated in Kathmandu . Nima Sherpa became the next victim of the notorious Lhotse when he was hit by a massive rock and ice boulder , dislocating his shoulder - - putting him out of action and off the mountain . Two weeks in the hospital ended his climbing season . While carrying loads between C2 and C3 , Lhakpa Unghel suffered frostbite to his fingers , but immediate treatment spared them the doctor 's knife . One by one the team got smaller and smaller . The next victim , Pasang Nanghel of Thame , was hit by a rock in C1 . Luckily it came at a weird angle , penetrating his down jacket and all the other layers of clothing Pasang was wearing , barely piercing his stomach . But the force of the impact left the sherpa breathless , and constant pain made him abandon the climb . He spent two days in Khumjung Hospital and was released . Mingma 's down jacket lost its loft due to the impact of small rocks hitting it , and he had no other weather protection to continue the climb . The leader of the Korean expedition , who only reached just above C1 , called the climb to a halt . Lhotse will not succumb to the Korean team this time . On the slopes of the same mountain , a strong Japanese team with 18 sherpa made better progress and reached the top , or so they claim ; however , the sherpa had a different story . Tired and exhausted , confused sherpa claimed that the team made a lesser summit , not the main one . Whatever the truth , the climbers battled an enormous , difficult mountain . So unfortunate was the Korean sherpa team that the talk about the rock falling even spread to me , but I never knew Mingma was part of it . The Koreans and Japanese rarely report their climbs to the outside world ; their reports remain within their personal alpine clubs . The inability to speak English may contribute to their silence ; but even though they didn � t reach the summit , their attempts and sacrifice ought to be recorded . This story , as told by Mingma with his limited English , is only part of the story , from his point of view . Hard climbs such as the South Face of Lhotse will always remain examples of bravery . In spring of 2008 , Mingma Thunduk Sherpa looked down from the top of Lhotse on the South Face , and it seemed it was hanging over entirely . Climbing again with a Korean expedition , this time on the normal route , Mingma reached the summit , together with his Korean climbing partner , without incident . The ascent this time followed the same route as Everest up to C3 , both mountains share the three camps . The fourth camp at about 7700m is the starting point for the summit . The route continues from C4 upward on a plain snow field for about 2 hours , then follows the notorious Lhotse with its blue ice , visibly narrowing at the top . The middle summit is the main summit . The very top is very sharp and climbers can � t stand atop it ; an ice axe planted on the icy summit serves as a good anchor for a summit picture . Mingma Thunduk Sherpa , from the village of Nurbugao in district of SankwaSabha in of Makalu , fulfilled his Lhotse summit dream this time on a more humane route . A hard climb at altitude over eight thousand meters , combined with its constant rock falling and frigid temperatures of Himalayan winter , brings such climbs to the very top of world mountaineering . The South Face of Lhotse even took the life of the ace Polish climber Kukuchka . Many will follow Mingma and suffer the fate of Kukuchka . But as long as there are difficult climbs , people will reach out with their own spirit of adventure and sacrifice . I was thrilled to hear Mingma 's stories and felt privileged to have the opportunity to share not only this mountain but also his vast experience , his brushes with death , and his luck to be around us to share them . Earlier : In winter , people pay attention to the weather forecast , especially in New England , where I live . I rely on it , too , due to my occupation - - but a forecast is a forecast . We � ve benefited from technology , and most of the time the forecasts are on the mark . But when it comes to climbing K2 , we need a perfect forecast . As I write now in the kitchen tent , the temperatures drop with the wind chill factor . The Everestnews . com forecast comes in , compiled by a conscientious Pakistani , Hanif . I � ve watched his forecast for the past year and know he � s dependable . Even this season at K2 , Hanif has provided perfect forecast predictions . So , as predicted , the wind has started to pick up ; he gave us a small window for a summit push with Wednesday and Thursday as the best days ; but he also warned us that Tuesday and Friday will be " hard " . So since the two good days are flanked by potentially stormy weather , we had no choice but to play safe here . The prediction that the following week will be unfavorable for a summit attempt made no impact on our decision to stay . If we have to wait longer , we will ; and if the mountain doesn 't want to accept us this year , we will accept its wish - - we want to go home as we came , in one piece and unscathed . As I got up during the night , I looked up on K2 and could see a fierce storm up high . The forecast is accurate so far - - the winds are here to stay . The current forecast does not go beyond Friday , so we � ll have to wait for the next report . As always , passing time is something every climber does differently . Yesterday Dave Watson proposed we go do some bouldering ; looking down from BC we saw a couple of big boulders just 15 minutes away . Dave , Andy and I started first , followed by Chuck Boyd a half - hour later . I knew Dave was a great rock climber , having seen him in action on Everest . This time I just wanted to enjoy watching this smooth climber . Andy Selters used the opportunity for a photo shoot and , as he predicted , with K2 as a backdrop , it will produce some impressive shots forHaving spent a pleasant day outdoors , we arrived in BC and the wind started to pick up . Muna , their cook , was busy preparing dinner , and I chose to spend the evening with them . After eating , we tuned into a live radio interview on a local Salt Lake City station . We joked that the radio station , the only one in the world to talk with K2 climbers , is stationed right in BC . As Dave waited for the phone he got a glimpse of the US news : the Olympics , its troubles , and news of an outbreak of E - Coli in more than 20 states . Presently none of us have a short wave radio , so no news about what is happening at home . The gas heater in the dining tent brought the temperatures way above the outside temperatures , but by now the wind was strong I headed back to my sleeping bag . I crawled inside , shut the gas light and tried to sleep . My children came to mind again so I became too restless to sleep . I decided to turn on the computer and write the last few notes and observations related to this expedition and my quest for K2 summit . But it was too cold to type , so I tried again to sleep . The morning brought my Espresso coffee , which , for me , counts as breakfast ( even at home ) . Looking up at K2 , it looks inhospitable . Although the winds have died down a little here in BC , on the upper slopes of Chogori , they have not . Another weekend spent at the foothills . I turned my mind to the vegetable garden I planted with my daughter Sunny - - too many tomatoes , some lettuce , chilly peppers , etc . She and I also planted a few cherry trees , a couple of peach trees and a couple of plum trees . Only time will tell if we are going to eat their fruit . It was a happy time spent with my kid , and now I crave a live image of those green surroundings of nature . In contrast , everything here is dead except us . The spectrum of color is limited - - black , white and in between . I just want to lie down on a field of green grass , fall asleep smelling the grass instead of the unwashed synthetic fabrics of my clothes . I don 't want to see the down feathers on my fleece jacket but instead want a freshly washed cotton T - shirt and a pair of shorts . But my self - exiled environment is what I deserve . Again I say hello and goodbye to my children , Sunny and Shiny ; my wife , Lakpa ; my niece , Claudia Dijmarescu , who writes me E - mails asking smart questions ; and my father Valeriu . Hello to my customers , especially to Lauree , ( sorry my computer with your E - mail address has stopped working ) in Hartford , CT . I once again ask for your patience ; when I get back we � ll start that second floor bathroom remodel ; meanwhile , enjoy your new swimming pool . After receiving the weather report from Everestnews . com we had the hope we � d be going for a summit push . Chuck Boyd 's forecast came as a surprising match of what we had , with the slight exception that next Thursday may not be a full day of good weather , which could put us at the summit in a storm . After intense debate , we agreed that we need a minimum of a good , two - day window to safely make a dash for the summit and retrace our steps back down at least to Camp 3 . But now , with only one and a half days , we decided not to take this dangerous risk . It is also reported that the following week will be a no - go for the summit , so I made the decision to wait . Mingma and Rinjing accepted my decision , so we � ll all be waiting for new forecasts . The wind already started to pick up here in BC as well as on the upper slopes of K2 , so all that remains here for us to do is watch the great mountain 's mood and be flexible with it . I always said that climbers with time on their side have a better chance to summit without incident . It was years ago that I adopted this philosophy - - making sure I am not constrained by the time , pressures of work , lifestyle and other normal life commitments . Time will tell if I am right . Dave Watson and Chuck Boyd , the only other two climbers from the other group still interested in summiting , had to resign to the same approach ; the winds up high are of great concern , with the wind chill factor sending temperatures way below an acceptable level . Looking down toward Concordia and , in particular , at Chogolisa , our instant weather forecast makes us say : yeah , if Chogolisa looks bad , K2 will be bad . It is true our mood has sunk to a negative level due to the unfavorable forecast ; every climber wanted to start the climb ASAP . Staying in BC for too long is not a good idea - - muscles have to be exercised , lungs inflated , mental state kept sharp . It is silent here in BC most of the time , and it will get even more silent after the last porters depart today . In the night we were used to seeing lit tents everywhere we looked , up or down , but last night our camp was the only one lit . Ali , our kitchen boy , has entertained us single - handedly with Balti songs and improvised drum beating . Knowing how to pass the time has become crucial . With my laptop in non - working condition , and unable to watch movies , I try to keep my mind relaxed as much as possible . The sun still shines for now in BC , but the weather may deteriorate . Today is another sunny day - - warmth sending streams of water on the main and only path of our shrinking walks up and down the moraine . Drawn by the gravitational pull , nothing can stop this melting glacier , streams of clean water winding chaotically between rocks and newly present donkey dung . My visits are only to Chuck Boyd 's camp only yards away . Their set - up is clean with delicious food ; Muna , the cook , is very good and today I was invited to eat couple of slices of pizza - - the best pizza since I left Kathmandu , where Fire and Ice rules the pizza taste . But here one has to be thankful with less , and Muna keeps the standards up . I also said goodbye to some of the Americans who departed today , with them Dorje , who gave me a big hug and wished us good fortune and luck . Their steps down the hill appear to be rushed , with Dorje as the only summiter and the rest appearing to want to go to civilization , to their own respective lifestyles , and , like me , return to their families . I left my family with sadness in my heart , as tomorrow , my younger daughter , Shiny , will be 18 months old . She was born a sweet and rather big girl ! Her pediatrician told us she will be a tall girl , which may not give her the chance to be a top climber - - but basketball is a big sport in America . She must be confused hearing my voice on the phone and wondering where her playing partner has gone . Being a father is a big disadvantage for high altitude climbers . I keep the pictures of both children hanging around my neck and remove them only when I am showering ; they 're reminders of the world I belong to , the world of responsibilities toward the young lives I brought into this world . My aging father , also at home , still holds on against all odds with his liver transplant which , to this day , surprises his doctors at Hartford Hospital . I must stay focused on the climb but must also be home to walk my six - year - old daughter , Sunny , to Noah Webster School in Hartford , Connecticut , where she starts first grade . This is important , and K2 is important ( I know , brother , you have disagreed with me for a long time , and this is fine ) . The tension of going up to summit K2 is unique - - you have to live it to understand it , with the thought of possibly seeing some of the guys who were partying with us just couple of weeks ago lying mortally wounded by a vengeful , collapsing serac . They had been clapping along with Pakistani kitchen staff , singing pleasant Balti songs . I remember Gerard , who always sat in front of the " live band " , clapping , imitating the distinctive Balti way of clapping . His beard grew long after the long stay here at the foothills of K2 . Gerard , " The Irish , " as we all got to know him , resided in Alaska with his girlfriend . Our long evening discussion with him brought me to realize that he was a fine man who was living a full life but a life on the edge . May God rest his soul here on this mountain . The loss of 11 climbers has left a void in all of us , but it could have been worse . With the survivors now talking , I will say that if there is a need to find a hero , no one comes close to Pemba Sherpa , one of the climbers from the Norit team . He single - handedly saved the lives of three people who chose not to rest until their expedition leader was found . With a stroke of luck he was spotted from BC and below , and Pemba was directed to the place where the stranded leader was . Days after the leader was airlifted from BC , Pemba voiced his opinion . . His words were not light . I asked Pemba to speak out to ensure future understanding and clarification , and he promised that we will be sitting together in Kathmandu to further discuss what he will have to say publicly about the 2008 K2 season . I also told him that Everestnews . com is a very good place to start , the Internet being the fastest way to report today , and that the print can follow later . This sherpa climber , Pemba , showed us all that he is a man who cares about life ( a true Buddhist ) , and as he put it , " Western people one day will understand that there is a big difference between sherpa and the rest of the world when it comes to high altitude mountaineering . " Pemba was not shy in admitting that there are some climbers with exceptional climbing abilities , matching those of sherpa . Even this year , a young Spaniard climbed the mountain , almost totally silent and even helped with fixing the ropes . So there is no intent to generalize here , but I think most climbers have no doubt about sherpa strength at high altitude , and their ability for making proper judgment . If the media or anybody is interested in what happened this year on K2 , then there is no better question than this one : What were you doing at 8PM on the summit of K2 ? And , if the survivors can answer this question truthfully , then more should be told . The weather was better than any climber wishes for - - the mountain was on their side . The blame game has begun , but in the end , I will assure you , the victims were at fault . Two women walked away with the summit and their lives , but one lost her life partner , her husband , and I could feel the sadness that surrounded her when I saw her in ABC . I hope her scars will heal , but the memories of summiting K2 with someone will never fade or be forgotten . She goes home as a hero and a champion ; perhaps as a champion who never wanted to wear the medal , but will , perhaps , just for her beloved husband . Lakpa and I have summited Everest together five times and we 've often discussed the possibility of one or both of us remaining on the slopes of Everest . The thought of walking home without your climbing partner , let alone your life 's partner , is crushing . So the reality that this young woman is facing , versus our mere thoughts , must be quite different . Their having children at home magnifies the grief exponentially . The 2008 K2 chapter will be critical , but the lesson learned from it is what is important . The negative publicity will bring more climbers next year and , if history repeats itself , well , history always repeats itself . After the tumultuous and , to some , disastrous summit and summit attempts of the majority of climbers at this almost empty BC , the mountain appeared to be relieved of the human burden . Piles of garbage at camp one and lesser at the superior camps , gear abandoned by tired and rushing - for - rich - air climbers , some too tired to pick up their own sleeping bags . In some cases , precious equipment and electronics were left behind only to lighten their loads . Sunny Mountain Guides decided to pull down some of our own tents , finding it unnecessary to keep up there and risk losing to high winds . There are just far too many tents left behind that we could occupy . The mighty K2 appears serene and calm , with a cloudless sky . The nights are also warm , displaying a sky sought after by many - - the unmistaken projection of the Milky Way adds brightness to the night landscape . The silence of the night brings us the sounds of the ice - moving phenomenon of glacial movement and , since we are residing on this moving river of ice , we could hear the cracks of ice , some with sharp clicking sounds , while others on the opposite side were sounds of ' thung ' , reminding us that nature is so powerful . The tents on BC remained perched like nests on top of ice mounds that once were leveled with everything else . In no other place have I seen such a rapid melting of ice . It would be impossible to sleep in the same place ; one would need a ladder to climb up to the tent , so climbers find new places for their little residences . I decided to move my house to the kitchen tent and just keep my personal tent for some of my equipment . The temperatures of daylight bring small waterfalls , and with avalanches on the flanks of Broad Peak and K2 , rock falls are such an ordinary event that we don 't even pay attention to them . As had happened on Everest , it appears that the climbing season here is delayed by about two weeks . When the first K2 expeditions arrived there was almost a foot of snow . Belongings were left behind , and I saw sleds for carrying up the gear . BC is nothing but rock flanked on either side by an ever growing river of glacier ice . On one side are the toilets , on the other the drinking water . Burning garbage becomes the routine end of the expeditions ; with climbers gone for days , the Pakistani staff burns everything including propane gas cartridges that display loud bomb - like detonations and , like everything else , they make a joke about it : Bin Laden is here and is testing new devices for America . Porters arrive in ever smaller numbers ; it seems there aren � t enough of them as hundreds of plastic barrels are left behind and � harvested � by needy Pakistani villagers . With all the different things on display here , in a way I feel relieved of the crowd that only a few days ago made up the majority of BC . At almost fifty meters away , we set up camp , the " Connecticut Connection " , with Chuck Boyd as the leader and Dave Watson , who was born in Southington , CT . In addition , there is Andy from California who is not only a climber but also a writer and photographer . Andy , like any professional , is trying to relay to the world what had transpired here with the unprecedented tragedy of losing 11 climbers in just one day in what I call a " freak accident . � As Dave Watson and I were discussing how it will be described to the world , a dismayed , uncharacteristic look came over his face as he said , � It will be told by someone half - way across the world who is not a real climber but perhaps with a seasoned climber to add drama to the story in order to sell . � Sure enough , I just learned that Outside Magazine is planning a story and that one of the writers will be M . Kodas of Hartford , Connecticut . He lives less than a mile from my house and , from my personal experience with this man , I will just say that Outside is making a grave mistake assigning him to this story . As a photographer who works for a local newspaper , he often manipulates the truth in his stories , under the guise of journalistic freedom of speech . For the many of us who know this , we won � t buy the magazine . Why not choose a writer such as David Roberts to tell the story , a man who has mesmerized the world with his books ? Or why couldn � t Andy , the man who witnessed it , who talked with the climbers involved and had first hand observation of the events , be selected to take on this task ? As I look at the whole picture , I anticipate more erroneous reporting , a gross disservice to the events that unfolded on K2 these past few weeks . I am happy with my Everestnews . com dispatches - - they have kept my family informed of the progress of my small expedition on K2 ; they have served me well during my collaboration with them on the 1998The attention remains on K2 , the most difficult mountain in the world to climb . For those of us who remain here , the quest for the summit is a matter of believing that what happened is nothing more than a freak accident , not failure on the part of the expeditions . What could the chances have been that you are under a serac just as it collapses ? ? We think it seems impossible that the same thing will happen when we are there , so our group has decided that we will not be deterred by the unfortunate accident that happened a few days ago . Our confidence is solid and we � ve decided to attempt the summit next week . Our Pakistani expedition provider , Jasmine Tours has called in to assure us of their extended commitment ; Asghar Ali Porik has committed more food with fresh vegetables and anything else we may need , but since we were well supplied from the beginning , I assured him we are just fine for now . The only item we are missing is the beer , but it will take far too many days for the beer to arrive here so we didn � t ask for it . Thank you , Jasmine Tours , for the services . In conclusion , as always , I say hello and good - bye to my two lovely children Sunny and Shiny , to my wife and boss , Lakpa , back in Hartford , Connecticut ; to my niece Claudia Dijmarescu ; to my father , Valeriu ; and to all my customers and neighbors who know about my trip here to Pakistan . From the Goodwin Austen Glacier and on behalf of Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 , George Dijmarescu reports exclusively for Everestnews . com Earlier : July 30 - Update : with weather being cooperative , yesterday the sherpa and I went to Camp 3 and returned to Camp 2 , where I decided to stay to acclimatize further while the sherpa continued down , perhaps to BC . Everybody hopes tomorrow 7 / 31 is the day to complete our prelude to the summit ; the team is optimistic and prepared , looking foward to our K2 ascent . From Sunny Mountain Guides , this is Dijmarescu reporting exclusively to Everestnews . com Earlier : Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 Expedition reports from K2 BC eEarlier : Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 Expedition reports from Base Camp exclusively for EverestNews . com Thanks to the weather report sent from Everestnews . com , we are bound to wait out the expected bad weather for at least another 5 - 6 days . It is also reported that the weather will improve , and a window of one week of good weather will follow . Our team of five members is in good health and with high spirits . Mingma wanted to go up for a load carry but I advised him that we don 't need any unnecessary risk . It is snowing on and off and the accumulation is more than an inch . Since the upper parts of Chogori ( K2 ) are still hidden , we have no idea how much snow has fallen on its slopes . Broad Peak , although just five miles away from us , displays a quite different weather pattern and its peak is visible only from time to time . Looking down towards Concordia and Mt . Chogolisa we can easily estimate how long it will take for the clouds to reach us , and , of course , snow once again makes us feel it 's Christmas time , a far cry from my daughter Sunny 's swimming lesson back in Connecticut . As days drag on and we 're unable to make much progress further up establishing the camps , I find the separation from my two children becomes harder and harder for me ; in fact I must confess this is the hardest part of any expedition I 've had since I became a father in 2002 . Today base camp saw the early departure of a French expedition due timing and unfavorable weather conditions . But after I found out the route they planned to climb on this great mountain , I realized that there is more to the story than what has been said . The Japanese route is nothing easy for any strong team , let alone for a three - member French team and , in my opinion , more like : Veni , vidi , run home . At least most climbers agreed it was a good decision for them to make ; one day the French will come better prepared and not risk so much - - the mountain will always be here . Our camp and the neighboring camp , both of which are supplied by Jasmine Tours , have become the entertainment center of K2 base camp . Every other night there are parties with a live band of Pakistanis pounSunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 Expedition reports from Concordia . Because of the Tibet issue this Spring I decided to climb K2 instead . Preparations were made quite late and , because Pakistan requires a 60 - day waiting period for granting permits , our group was formed hastily . This K2 expedition marks the serious starting point for Sunny Mountain Guides , a company run by Lakpa Sherpa of Hartford Connecticut . Because she is my wife and is home nursing our second child , I decided to take care of the entire trip on behalf of Sunny Mountain Guides . Our group consists of two climbers from Romania , the star of the group being a 25 - year - old woman , Thea . She is a determined young woman who makes her living in Romania and Switzerland as a ski instructor and member of the ski patrol in Switzerland . With her is her partner , Mircea , who lives in Romania and , although he 's a few years older than Thea , shares the same aspirations . Mircea initially wanted to climb Everest but unfortunately this Spring no foreign climbers were allowed . Lakpa decided that in order to secure a better enviroment for a safe and succesful ascent she hired two of her family members . Our sirdar , Mingma Sherpa of Makalu , summited K2 last year with a Korean team and helped a Korean woman summit the great mountain . Mingma just returned from Lhotse where he summited without any problems . Mingma has summited Everest four times . The second sherpa is Rinjin of Makalu , whose wife is Lakpa 's sister ( hence , my brother - in - law ) . Rinjin has also summited Everest four times and helped Chuck Boyd in 2004 with his summit . They are eager to see each other here , and I , too , George Dijmarescu , am a first - time visitor to K2 . Just got to Concordia today , tomorrow BC . First glimpse of K2 , impressive , very impressive . A good summit day for K2 but no one is up now . All members are in good health , but I miss my daughters , Sunny and Shiny and thought about them all day today . I wish Sunny would talk with me on the phone when I call . Also wondering how first grade school registration is going for her . Our weather is fine but a little too hot , so I hiked in shorts until today . Last night was cold with temperatures below freezing . Shortly before reaching BC I decided to visit Broad Peak BC where I knew two of my climbing partners form Everest 2004 and 2006 would be . Sure enough as I approached the camp I was greeted by their cook and Andy , one of their climbing partners , who decided to give his body a rest due to the heat . It was nice to meet this gentleman form California ; he seemed to know a great deal about me from Dave Watson who climbed with Lakpa and me in 2004 and 2006 . According to his note to me , Dave knew I was supposed to be coming soon . Andy patched me on a radio call with them and Chuck Boyd was the first to answer the call . Just like me he seemed to be excited to hear my voice . What a small world ! I spoke with Dave a little longer , and he assured me he would visit K2 BC as soon as they came back from C3 on Broad Peak . I said good buy and marched on to my own place on the mountain . powder snow , engulfing most of BC . No one was hurt or inconvenienced so most people took video and photos of the event . Just as I walked in met another old friend , Joselito , from Serbia . We first met on Everest a few years back and he hasn 't changed . He recognized me just as fast as I recognized him . The rest of the day we spent sorting out porters and we said good bye to those who had accompanied us for the last six days . We spent the chilly evening being entertained by a band of Balti staff . I could never understand how anyone could have such a good time without a sip of acohol . We managed to break the rules in Islamabad and managed to get some 100 cans of beer . All except two had survived the trek to BC , and the singing lasted well into the early morning hours . Chogori AKA K2 welcomed us with a great view of its majesty with as blue a sky as any summiter wishes for . I was surprised to see all the climbers in BC ; it was rumored that bad weather was coming and with such a miriad of weather forecasts , climbers make decisions on their own . Our Puja took place today ; it seemed a little funny because , instead of a lama praying for us as was done on my ten previous Everest expeditions , the songs were played on an IPod with speakers . We were generous enough to share our supply of beer with all the people who were interested in joining our Puja . Mingma and Rinjin decided to make a trip to ABC because they thought Thursday would be a better day than Friday . I decided to catch up on the E - mails and news . The great mountain showed us the second perfect summit day , and I wished I were up there ! ' Til next time , stay tuned . Signing off from K2 base camp on behalf of Sunny Mountain Guides . Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 reports from BC . Today Mircea and I made our first carry to ABC . Mingma and Rinjin decided to give themselves a well deserved rest after they carried five tents yesterday at ABC . We had our back packs loaded with food , some gas and two shovels . It was surprising to see that the way to ABC is an intricate zig - zag between ice pinnacles marked with flags on top of bamboo sticks . We lost our way and wasted about 45 minutes but regained the route shortly after . Looking up the Abruzzi Ridge it appeared to look quite easy , with Mingma encouraging us that K2 is much easier than the Tibetan side of Everest . Oh well , his opinion , we will just have to see . The slope is quite gentle along a rock band . We were lucky to see a couple from Norway sliding down on their butts and having fun on the way down , oblivious to the well - advertised ' falling rock ' . Mircea and I spent about an hour at ABC when it started snowing . We went down all the way to BC with rice - like snow on our faces . At BC we had the best meal thus far so we congratulated Ali , our cook and kitchen boy . I have to announce that I made my way to ABC in blue jeans and Addidas sneakers ; I fell in several puddles so my socks got saturated . My next trip will be in different shoes . We spent the evening laughing along with our neighbor from Serbia . Tomorrow we 'll make another carry to ABC and just watch for the weather as we hear it 'll deteriorate on Sunday and two days after that . We want to make a trip to camp 2 as soon as the weather permits . Everybody is in good health , motivated and ready to go . ' Til next time , so long from K2 BC . George Dijmarescu reports on behalf of Sunny Mountain Guides Chogori 2008 . A cold weather , high altitude double boot for extreme conditions The Olympus Mons is the perfect choice for 8000 - meter peaks . This super lightweight double boot has a PE thermal insulating inner boot that is coupled with a thermo - reflective outer boot with an integrated gaiter . We used a super insulating lightweight PE outsole to keep the weight down and the TPU midsole is excellent for crampon compatibility and stability on steep terrain . WEIGHT : 39 . 86 oz � 1130 g LAST : Olympus Mons CONSTRUCTION : Inner : Slip lasted Outer : Board Lasted OUTER BOOT : Cordura � upper lined with dual - density PE micro - cellular thermal insulating closed cell foam and thermo - reflective aluminium facing / Insulated removable footbed / Vibram � rubber rand See more here . Ascenders

And times are always changing so really it may just be that we are all waking up to the what " is " and paying attention to what " isn 't " ? Maybe ? Anyway , here are some thoughts that I 've picked up along the way to keep in mind when shifts in consciousness are happening ( and you know it , so clap your hands ! ) : 1 . ) Don 't panic ( it 's been said before and bears saying again ) the world is made up of patterns . Even in the chaos there are patterns and where there are patterns there is a rhythm and where there is a rhythm there is a heartbeat and where there is a heartbeat there is you and I . We are not alone . 2 . ) Even if everything that you 've ever known to be rock steady in your life changes , it will be for the better . Especially when it is the natural course of things and not pushed . Trust the process . Trust the process . Trust the process . If you know how to swim then remember how to breathe . 3 . ) There are mighty forces at work to help us through these changes . Sometimes we 'll be able to see them and recognize them and sometimes we won 't but they are there and we are being helped . 4 . ) You know what to do . It is as much a part of you as your soul . You may have to get extra special quiet and still and you may feel like you have to listen for a very long time before you remember , but you know what to do . 5 . ) Reach out to others . Ask how you can be of service . Find a way to get out of yourself by doing for someone for something else . Give attention to your heart connections . 6 . ) Find reasons and ways to laugh . Darkness hates laughter . It wants to absorb it into the silence but it cannot . Laughter is lighter . Bump your spiritual funny bone and find ways to laugh with yourself when you stumble . 7 . ) Let go and see who else is in here with you . A recent Hopi Prayer reminded us to let go go and to go with the river and find out who else has let inside of the swirl . 8 . ) Now is the time of gathering . Like the reverberations that a pebble makes when it is dropped onto a still pool , people are ready to gather , discuss , witness , feel , discover , learn , encourage and love . Now is the time of gathering . 9 . ) You can have the life you always wanted . It just may not look like you expected but remember how you wanted to feel , that feeling will lead you to the truth . I 'm eternally grateful for poets like the great Sufi poet , Hafiz . Whenever I 'm feeling in need of inspiration , I just have to open a book of his poetry ( The Gift ) and turn to any poem and my heart is lifted . The following is one that I found tonight on the net . I leave you with this morsel to reflect on . I 'm one of those people that has to pretty much avoid any news ( radio , television , print , digital , etc . ) about animals because most stories usually leave me feeling very upset and oh so powerless . Today I broke my rule by clicking on a link on Yahoo news about a local Boxer story . It appears that this Boxer was being fostered by a couple ( from Austin Boxer Rescue ) and that the Boxer got between the couple 's young child and a rattler so that the snake wouldn 't hurt the child ( the Boxer got bit instead ) . The Boxer did swell up and all but is okay . Then the story goes on to talk about Austin Boxer Rescue 's dilemma because of the vet bills for this hero Boxer and caring for all the other Boxers in their group . HELLLLLOOOOOOO People ! ? ! ? ? ! ? ! ? ! This outcome is just so wrong in so many ways that I can 't even get into it right now . The photo of the Boxer was even sadder ; she 's got her head between her paws looking very discouraged . Of course she is ? ! ? ! ? Reminds me of the Boxer we were raised with from the time I was a baby until I was about 8 or 9 years old . Duke was my parents ' first " child " ( photo to be shown later ) . He was a gorgeous camel color with black mask and some white markings . There are stories told by my parent 's of them leaving me in the front yard with Duke ( while my mom walked a couple of yards over to talk with the neighbors ) and Duke watching over me … keeping me out of harm 's way . I have photos of me pulling on Duke 's ears and rolling on his tummy . I just remember him being a great dog . After we moved to Japan , when Duke was about 3 - 4 , the story goes that one day a guy who emptied the trash spotted Duke in our backyard and went gaga over him . He begged my mother to give him a chance to show Duke in some dog shows . Well , soon after that Duke became a champion in our little corner of the world . There is a photo of him with several plaques and ribbons and a nice silk blanket over his back . Duke has a look on his face that seems to say , " well of course I 'm a grand champion guys , who 'd you think I was anyway ? ? " Please , please , please if you have an animal ( s ) respect them , pay attention to them , learn from them , learn about them , and become more connected to the world around you through them . If you don 't have an animal and you 're interested in helping them there are so many ways that you can out there . There are all kinds of rescue operations that you can throw money at if you don 't want to get your paws dirty or if you do want to rub noses , there are many opportunities for you to help socialize dogs and cats so that they can be adoptable . During our evening walk with our dogs , David and I talked about a story in the paper this morning regarding a border collie who the master had given away to what she thought was a good home ( because she did not think she was giving him enough attention ) and the dog found it 's way back all the way across town and traffic etc . to it 's original home . What many people don 't seem to understand is that many dogs take their jobs very seriously and most especially those dogs who are working dogs . I can 't imagine the confusion and hurt that either of our dogs would feel ( Aussie and Labrador ) if we gave them away . But you see I believe that truly giving an animal the best kind of life you can means that you are saying that you will give them shelter , food , respect , medical attention when needed and if they 're really lucky , a clearly defined " job " to do for the rest of their lives . I know that there are times when the very unexpected happens but I believe most animals know if their lives are being changed because someone has passed away or is transferred out of country and cannot physically take them with them or if it is because the animal is just posing an inconvenience to them . I hope that someday I will be able to make a difference out there by finally creating the animal sanctuary that I 've been talking about for at least a decade and a half ! Stay tuned ! You can hold me to it ! We humans are so funny . We 're constantly moving towards the next goal and the next goal and the very next goal . Which isn 't necessarily a bad characteristic because that 's one way we evolve , but it occurred to me today that most of the business books or self - help books ( that you 'd find in the professional or self help section and not necessarily in the spiritual or religious section ) don 't address how to know when you 're at your vision and then what do you do with yourself ( enjoy life ? beep out of life ? enter your answer here … . ) . What if we learned to live inside of our vision and instead of using " a vision " to continually pull us forward we instead learned how to really enjoy the vision where we are now ? This is , of course , for those people who have had a vision and then moved on to the next vision and so forth and so on . Perhaps they are truly living inside of at least one or two of their visions but haven 't stopped to really enjoy where they are at yet . Yes , I know a handful of people who have actually reached this state . I mean , you may have heard it said that life is but an illusion or a stage and we are but the players in the divine play . If , for grins , we looked at our life in this way then couldn 't we just stop taking everything so seriously and find ways to enjoy our time that we have left here on planet Earth ? Maybe . Some of us do have a strong biological urge to move forward and progress , which as I 've said before is a good thing because it insures that humans will continue to evolve ; however , what parameters are we using to judge what is moving forward and progressing ? When I 'm able to meditate fully and deeply and connect with a divine presence that seems like movement and progression forward in ways that I don 't even understand how to measure . The answers that we are looking for are all around us all the time for whatever problem is perplexing us . The answers circle around again and again . It 's about our being able to get out of the way enough so that we can open up enough to receive them . If you feel that you have a vision that hasn 't been realized yet , then by all means keep doing what you know to do to make your vision happen . Just when you get to that invisible end in the road , be willing to stop for a while and enjoy the view before you create more road to move forward on . Turns out that we hear sage reminders over and over again like , " don 't forget to stop and smell the roses " and there 's something to them . Today I looked out the kitchen window and watched a hummingbird that likes to eat from one of the flowering sages . As I continued to watch him , I noticed that he kept moving from the front flowers to the middle of the stalk and then back again . Something was really bugging him and / or disrupting his schedule . At one point he spread his little hummingbird tail out wide and spread his little wings out wide - I 've never seen a hummer do that - and then flew away . I looked at the point of the flowering stalk that had caused him so much turmoil and saw this long green thing hanging there that was definitely not part of the plant . As I looked closer I could tell that it was a Praying Mantis who was hanging by it 's feet . It was at least as long as the hummingbird . I guess life looks a whole lot different when you 're only an inch or so tall ! So glad I was able to take the time to notice this interaction . It was interesting . It 's something I can learn from and go research more about . It won 't earn me any money but it did make me happy . I know , I know I 've said it before and I 'll be saying it again I 'm sure … I have such high class problems in life today at least compared to what my life looked like ten , twenty , and most assuredly thirty years ago . Oy vey . But I 've done a lot of work on myself from analyzing everything including my big toe to surrendering it all to a higher power ( which I choose to call God ) . Really , I have a life that is second to none . Please take all that into account when I tell you that even with all the good things in my life , I still have to be diligent of taking care of myself . Especially when the biggest problem I have at the end of today is a very sore throat from tons of nasal drip caused by the molds , which are in full bloom all over Austin and the dilemma of how to make 1 / 8 size origami people . Yes , you read the dimensions correctly ; in my introduction to architecture class ( making spaces ) our teacher has tasked us to make three origami people that are 1 / 8 size so that we can learn to work with our hands and our tools ( tweezers ) to create elements that we will use in our building projects . I 'm pretty certain that I don 't have very good fine motor dexterity . Just watch me text on my phone if I ever allow myself to be caught . You 'll always see me using my pointer fingers instead of my thumbs . I totally cannot feel the keys with my thumbs . These origami people might be simple enough to make with say half a sheet of 8 1 / 2 x 11 paper but imagine taking a little bitty square of that which is about the size of a contact lens and then folding that sucker many times and then doing it two more times with paper exactly the same dimensions so that eventually you make three pieces of a person and two of those pieces have two free parts that can be used to make legs / feet or hands . The third piece has to be folded one more time to make small enough to be a head . It hurts my thumbs just to write about this , let me tell you . I am learning a lot from this class though , believe it or not . And it 's more than just about how we humans make buildings . I 'm learning that I focus on aspects of the instruction that seem like they 're really important to the instructor but when it comes down to the actual project , not so much . I spent a good three hours on Sunday trying to come up with the right dimensions of the text ( 1 / 2 inch ) for the captions to my photos and then gluing them on to foam core cut to size . The professor was more interested in what we got from the photos than anything else , which I felt very confident about what I had done . I 'm learning that it is important to wait and see what the prof really wants and where he focuses and then to give it my best shot . That is learning that I know is certainly applicable out in the " real world " and it is a great reminder for me that perhaps there is still a thing or two I can learn about how I learn and how I listen . That , by the way , is nowhere in the class syllabus , but is just one of the benefits of having been out working in the world for a number of years and returning to school . Sometimes what you are learning fills in some gaps in your knowledge base that you didn 't even know you had . Today my life is good . Yes , I 've got a sore throat but I also have some great sugar - free lozenges . I 've got to make origami people , but I also have at least one or two friends who love arts and crafts who would love to help me make these people . My husband is safe in our bed playing with his IPad , one of my dogs , Paul , is asleep by my chair and the other one , Reality , is keeping David company . I have a lot to be grateful for . It 's about where do I want to focus my attention . Oat Willie 's is a head shop at West 29th Street and Guadalupe that was founded by Norman " Doug " Brown in 1968 . The name " Oat Willie " is from an Austin - based comic character . The famous Oat Willie 's motto ( on numerous bumper stickers since the 1970s ) is : " Onward Thru the Fog . " And it 's a great way to describe how several friends and me feel having been caught up in the mold infusion profusion happening in Austin , Texas after all the rain we 've been having lately . I 've been pretty much vertical all day except for a brief bout of vacuuming up the rampant dog hair ; otherwise it 's been me and the bed or the couch . Helps me to have a deeper empathy for people who are really ill . I do not take my good energy for granted at all . I 've got a long time friend who just found out that on top of all the other health issues she has ( Lupus , Diabetes , etc . ) they 've diagnosed her with non - Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . She will start radiation and chemotherapy sometime next week and all I can do is pray for her to have a healthy constitution , visit her when she 's able to receive company and help her find spunky pretty scarves to cover her head with after her hair falls out . I know that even on my worst days , like today in a mold fog , I 'm still light years healthier than my friend . I do know that when I am feeling bad like today , I am more able to bring in the kind soothing mental voices rather than the judgmental ones . Not sure what that is about , but I 'll take it . I 've also had some creative ideas come up such as writing some fictional novels about angels . I 've never really ever spent too much time considering writing fiction because I just figured that was something that I would not do very well . Better left up to the experts . But last night in my semi - conscious state , I realized that I 've been writing these books in my head for a while . Just never thought that was what they were until I slowed down long enough to pay attention to myself . Have you ever noticed the great ideas that sweep across your mind ? Have you been creating a book , painting , clothing , etc . etc . in your mind but hadn 't stopped to think about it before now ? What would be one daring creative idea that you 've had that you can 't believe that you have had , but you have ? Yes , there is nothing quite like going back to school and finishing up what I decided was not quite worthy of my attention a few decades ago . I know that really it 's such a great privilege and I 'm very grateful for the opportunity and love learning something new every week … . still though … . I am collecting the calories from the big ole humble pie that I get to keep taking slices of every week . Take today for instance . I have the opportunity to work a contract gig AND learn from the master about PR and Writing ( thank you NH ) and so this morning I had to get up early enough so that I could feed the cats , get ready , eat breakfast and talk with four people ( 15 minutes each ) who I sponsor and then be in San Marcos ( about 42 miles from my casa ) by 9 : 00am . I pretty much looked like a bag lady leaving my house this morning with my back pack ( with laptop and books ) , my architecture project that was due today plus all the supplies I will need over the semester and my lunch packed up and ready to go . For some reason I always feel like a Carol Burnett character when I begin tossing this bag over that shoulder and another bag over the other one and then trying to figure out how to carry an awkward sized poster board in a trash bag that could break at any minute . I did remember all my clothes and toiletries that I needed for after my mid - morning walk and was grateful that my hair is long enough now to fold up into a French bun and call it good . I had to call the Parking Office ( again ) and this time got a really helpful gal ( Heather ) who was very patient explaining to me where to park so that I could take the Bobcat Shuttle from the lot to the campus . I 've always been scared to do that because it would be just my luck to miss one very important part of instructions / directions only to discover that I had ended up somehow on an express bus bound for the panhandle ( not that there 's anything the matter with that Tricia ! ) . I wish they handed out gold pins that we could affix to our backpack for those of us who take the Bobcat Shuttle challenge ! Even more humbling was the getting off the bus with everything that I was trying to carry from Point A to Point B . That and when I get nervous , well , let 's just say I 'm not a fun person to sit within 10 feet of for any length of time . I think I accidentally hit a couple of students while exiting the bus and managed to figure out how to strap on my backpack , hang my lunch cooler , hold my poster board assignment and navigate the hills and stairs to finally land in the classroom . As simple and silly as this may all sound to you , trust me , this would have been a deal breaker not so long ago in the world of Lynn . I just would not have been able to stand not knowing so many things and taking my best shot based on the information I had and following through with action . That and walking through campus like a one - woman show ( lunch ? here you go ! Need some information ? Let me Google that for you . Architecture project ? No problem , I can show you some photos that I took and mounted showing examples of how color was used to accentuate for this commercial structure ! ) ! Luckily , the hot sweats didn 't start up until I 'd reached my final destination … . thank you God for cooler weather ! The other day as I was jogging around the neighborhood , I began a conversation with God / Guardian Angel about my life and how I was doing . The answers in the form of questions that came back to me were not what I was expecting . The conversation went something like this : Me : Is my life good ? Am I doing everything that I came here to do ? Considering all the gifts and tools I 've been given ( and earned ) in my life , am I where I want to be today ? G : What ruler are you using to measure what is good ? Whose voice it in your heard that is telling you how things should be ? Is it positive or negative ? I don 't know that I have any more answers than I did then but what I do know is that I 'm paying closer attention to what I am telling myself or perhaps what tapes I am choosing to load up and listen to in my brain over and over again without really thinking about if they 're helpful or not . My friend , Mitch Ditkoff , wrote a blog ( http : / / www . ideachampions . com / weblogs / archives / 2010 / 09 / the _ m _ word . shtml ) asking the question about why " we " need to monetize everything . It 's a good blog and definitely worthy of a read . I take that same line of questioning a bit further to help me find the answer to what ruler I 'm using to measure how good my life is and ask myself if I were writing the guidelines to what I believe is a good life , how good would my life be to me ? Because if I look at some of the people in my life who I love dearly , I look at them with so much love and I see a whole lot of good . And if I take that same loving look at my life , why it looks pretty darn good to me . There 's just a whole lot for me to be grateful for and happy about . It 's when I put other people 's rulers in there that I tend to make myself miserable . I just can 't measure up to the figment of another person 's ruler . In fact , I think I 'm ready to toss those rulers out . How do you feel about your life ? What is the quality of your self - talk about you and your life ? What is the tone of the voice ( s ) ? Do you recognize the voice ? I don 't know about you , but I have to really practice my yoga to be able to stretch my body effortlessly . The same goes with my spiritual , emotional and mental growth as well . To move from experiencing every single dang negative thing that I perceive that is happening in my life as another thorn in my crown of VICTIM with a capital " V " , I / we / you / me / us have to first be able to see that maybe just maybe there is something to this life thing ( that is beyond me to explain here ) and so everything that comes into our life can be an opportunity for growth . What brought about this discussion today was Attraction Principle # 21 which is : See How Perfect The Present Really Is - Especially when it is clearly not . We talked about this principle being about acceptance and also being about having a faith in something outside of you ( force , God , universe , divine law ) that is moving throughout the scenes in our lives . For me , it is usually easier to know when I 've experienced an AFGO after the fact but every once in a blue moon I know I 'm experiencing a growth opportunity as it is happening . It 's as if I am witnessing my own life as it unfolds and making decisions about how I am going to respond to the people and / or situation as it is happening . I think I 've written about this experience before , but I believe it bares repeating , that when you are able to know that you are having a growth opportunity as it is unfolding you are experiencing some mammer jammer quantum physics of some sort because you are so fully in the present that you can be at choice with how you will respond . As a recovering emotional spastic , being able to respond half way thoughtfully is definitely an improvement if not a blessing ! AFGOs go hand in hand with humility and remaining teachable . AFGOs help us to become more " real " and genuine . AFGOs remind us that we really don 't have all the answers even though we know we do . AFGOs are spiritual connectors between us and other people . This is a really simple and small example . I have these two plastic step files on my desk that every so often I have to go through the items and clear away , mail away , take care of or throw away stuff that I 've crammed into one of the six slots . I am a recovering pack rat so I have to watch for my tendency to hoard . Anyway , one of the plastic step files developed a crack in it 's back spine so that if I hit the thing just right it would fall over and everything would come tumbling down . Meanwhile , the other plastic step file sat in a nice safe spot on my desk with stuff in it that I knew I wouldn 't be using on a regular basis that I could file away . Finally today , during a break from a project I was working on , I took everything out of the broken step file but instead of throwing it away , I just switched places with the other one . I cleaned out both of them and I even put some books that I will be using to CLEP out of some classes in the broken step file that is now in a safe place where the broke doesn 't affect what is inside of it . I can 't tell you how much better my desk area feels to me now . There is not so much crap on my desk ( I weeded it out , took care of it or filed it away ) and I 'm not having to deal with a broken step file every day plus I have no idea why the books that are now sitting in the broken step file look so good in it , but they do . I can see them better than when they were flat on my desk getting stuff piled on them . Sure , I could buy a new step file and throw away the old one but why ? It works just fine and you can 't even see where it is cracked now .

And times are always changing so really it may just be that we are all waking up to the what " is " and paying attention to what " isn 't " ? Maybe ? Anyway , here are some thoughts that I 've picked up along the way to keep in mind when shifts in consciousness are happening ( and you know it , so clap your hands ! ) : 1 . ) Don 't panic ( it 's been said before and bears saying again ) the world is made up of patterns . Even in the chaos there are patterns and where there are patterns there is a rhythm and where there is a rhythm there is a heartbeat and where there is a heartbeat there is you and I . We are not alone . 2 . ) Even if everything that you 've ever known to be rock steady in your life changes , it will be for the better . Especially when it is the natural course of things and not pushed . Trust the process . Trust the process . Trust the process . If you know how to swim then remember how to breathe . 3 . ) There are mighty forces at work to help us through these changes . Sometimes we 'll be able to see them and recognize them and sometimes we won 't but they are there and we are being helped . 4 . ) You know what to do . It is as much a part of you as your soul . You may have to get extra special quiet and still and you may feel like you have to listen for a very long time before you remember , but you know what to do . 5 . ) Reach out to others . Ask how you can be of service . Find a way to get out of yourself by doing for someone for something else . Give attention to your heart connections . 6 . ) Find reasons and ways to laugh . Darkness hates laughter . It wants to absorb it into the silence but it cannot . Laughter is lighter . Bump your spiritual funny bone and find ways to laugh with yourself when you stumble . 7 . ) Let go and see who else is in here with you . A recent Hopi Prayer reminded us to let go go and to go with the river and find out who else has let inside of the swirl . 8 . ) Now is the time of gathering . Like the reverberations that a pebble makes when it is dropped onto a still pool , people are ready to gather , discuss , witness , feel , discover , learn , encourage and love . Now is the time of gathering . 9 . ) You can have the life you always wanted . It just may not look like you expected but remember how you wanted to feel , that feeling will lead you to the truth . I 'm eternally grateful for poets like the great Sufi poet , Hafiz . Whenever I 'm feeling in need of inspiration , I just have to open a book of his poetry ( The Gift ) and turn to any poem and my heart is lifted . The following is one that I found tonight on the net . I leave you with this morsel to reflect on . I 'm one of those people that has to pretty much avoid any news ( radio , television , print , digital , etc . ) about animals because most stories usually leave me feeling very upset and oh so powerless . Today I broke my rule by clicking on a link on Yahoo news about a local Boxer story . It appears that this Boxer was being fostered by a couple ( from Austin Boxer Rescue ) and that the Boxer got between the couple 's young child and a rattler so that the snake wouldn 't hurt the child ( the Boxer got bit instead ) . The Boxer did swell up and all but is okay . Then the story goes on to talk about Austin Boxer Rescue 's dilemma because of the vet bills for this hero Boxer and caring for all the other Boxers in their group . HELLLLLOOOOOOO People ! ? ! ? ? ! ? ! ? ! This outcome is just so wrong in so many ways that I can 't even get into it right now . The photo of the Boxer was even sadder ; she 's got her head between her paws looking very discouraged . Of course she is ? ! ? ! ? Reminds me of the Boxer we were raised with from the time I was a baby until I was about 8 or 9 years old . Duke was my parents ' first " child " ( photo to be shown later ) . He was a gorgeous camel color with black mask and some white markings . There are stories told by my parent 's of them leaving me in the front yard with Duke ( while my mom walked a couple of yards over to talk with the neighbors ) and Duke watching over me … keeping me out of harm 's way . I have photos of me pulling on Duke 's ears and rolling on his tummy . I just remember him being a great dog . After we moved to Japan , when Duke was about 3 - 4 , the story goes that one day a guy who emptied the trash spotted Duke in our backyard and went gaga over him . He begged my mother to give him a chance to show Duke in some dog shows . Well , soon after that Duke became a champion in our little corner of the world . There is a photo of him with several plaques and ribbons and a nice silk blanket over his back . Duke has a look on his face that seems to say , " well of course I 'm a grand champion guys , who 'd you think I was anyway ? ? " Please , please , please if you have an animal ( s ) respect them , pay attention to them , learn from them , learn about them , and become more connected to the world around you through them . If you don 't have an animal and you 're interested in helping them there are so many ways that you can out there . There are all kinds of rescue operations that you can throw money at if you don 't want to get your paws dirty or if you do want to rub noses , there are many opportunities for you to help socialize dogs and cats so that they can be adoptable . During our evening walk with our dogs , David and I talked about a story in the paper this morning regarding a border collie who the master had given away to what she thought was a good home ( because she did not think she was giving him enough attention ) and the dog found it 's way back all the way across town and traffic etc . to it 's original home . What many people don 't seem to understand is that many dogs take their jobs very seriously and most especially those dogs who are working dogs . I can 't imagine the confusion and hurt that either of our dogs would feel ( Aussie and Labrador ) if we gave them away . But you see I believe that truly giving an animal the best kind of life you can means that you are saying that you will give them shelter , food , respect , medical attention when needed and if they 're really lucky , a clearly defined " job " to do for the rest of their lives . I know that there are times when the very unexpected happens but I believe most animals know if their lives are being changed because someone has passed away or is transferred out of country and cannot physically take them with them or if it is because the animal is just posing an inconvenience to them . I hope that someday I will be able to make a difference out there by finally creating the animal sanctuary that I 've been talking about for at least a decade and a half ! Stay tuned ! You can hold me to it ! We humans are so funny . We 're constantly moving towards the next goal and the next goal and the very next goal . Which isn 't necessarily a bad characteristic because that 's one way we evolve , but it occurred to me today that most of the business books or self - help books ( that you 'd find in the professional or self help section and not necessarily in the spiritual or religious section ) don 't address how to know when you 're at your vision and then what do you do with yourself ( enjoy life ? beep out of life ? enter your answer here … . ) . What if we learned to live inside of our vision and instead of using " a vision " to continually pull us forward we instead learned how to really enjoy the vision where we are now ? This is , of course , for those people who have had a vision and then moved on to the next vision and so forth and so on . Perhaps they are truly living inside of at least one or two of their visions but haven 't stopped to really enjoy where they are at yet . Yes , I know a handful of people who have actually reached this state . I mean , you may have heard it said that life is but an illusion or a stage and we are but the players in the divine play . If , for grins , we looked at our life in this way then couldn 't we just stop taking everything so seriously and find ways to enjoy our time that we have left here on planet Earth ? Maybe . Some of us do have a strong biological urge to move forward and progress , which as I 've said before is a good thing because it insures that humans will continue to evolve ; however , what parameters are we using to judge what is moving forward and progressing ? When I 'm able to meditate fully and deeply and connect with a divine presence that seems like movement and progression forward in ways that I don 't even understand how to measure . The answers that we are looking for are all around us all the time for whatever problem is perplexing us . The answers circle around again and again . It 's about our being able to get out of the way enough so that we can open up enough to receive them . If you feel that you have a vision that hasn 't been realized yet , then by all means keep doing what you know to do to make your vision happen . Just when you get to that invisible end in the road , be willing to stop for a while and enjoy the view before you create more road to move forward on . Turns out that we hear sage reminders over and over again like , " don 't forget to stop and smell the roses " and there 's something to them . Today I looked out the kitchen window and watched a hummingbird that likes to eat from one of the flowering sages . As I continued to watch him , I noticed that he kept moving from the front flowers to the middle of the stalk and then back again . Something was really bugging him and / or disrupting his schedule . At one point he spread his little hummingbird tail out wide and spread his little wings out wide - I 've never seen a hummer do that - and then flew away . I looked at the point of the flowering stalk that had caused him so much turmoil and saw this long green thing hanging there that was definitely not part of the plant . As I looked closer I could tell that it was a Praying Mantis who was hanging by it 's feet . It was at least as long as the hummingbird . I guess life looks a whole lot different when you 're only an inch or so tall ! So glad I was able to take the time to notice this interaction . It was interesting . It 's something I can learn from and go research more about . It won 't earn me any money but it did make me happy . I know , I know I 've said it before and I 'll be saying it again I 'm sure … I have such high class problems in life today at least compared to what my life looked like ten , twenty , and most assuredly thirty years ago . Oy vey . But I 've done a lot of work on myself from analyzing everything including my big toe to surrendering it all to a higher power ( which I choose to call God ) . Really , I have a life that is second to none . Please take all that into account when I tell you that even with all the good things in my life , I still have to be diligent of taking care of myself . Especially when the biggest problem I have at the end of today is a very sore throat from tons of nasal drip caused by the molds , which are in full bloom all over Austin and the dilemma of how to make 1 / 8 size origami people . Yes , you read the dimensions correctly ; in my introduction to architecture class ( making spaces ) our teacher has tasked us to make three origami people that are 1 / 8 size so that we can learn to work with our hands and our tools ( tweezers ) to create elements that we will use in our building projects . I 'm pretty certain that I don 't have very good fine motor dexterity . Just watch me text on my phone if I ever allow myself to be caught . You 'll always see me using my pointer fingers instead of my thumbs . I totally cannot feel the keys with my thumbs . These origami people might be simple enough to make with say half a sheet of 8 1 / 2 x 11 paper but imagine taking a little bitty square of that which is about the size of a contact lens and then folding that sucker many times and then doing it two more times with paper exactly the same dimensions so that eventually you make three pieces of a person and two of those pieces have two free parts that can be used to make legs / feet or hands . The third piece has to be folded one more time to make small enough to be a head . It hurts my thumbs just to write about this , let me tell you . I am learning a lot from this class though , believe it or not . And it 's more than just about how we humans make buildings . I 'm learning that I focus on aspects of the instruction that seem like they 're really important to the instructor but when it comes down to the actual project , not so much . I spent a good three hours on Sunday trying to come up with the right dimensions of the text ( 1 / 2 inch ) for the captions to my photos and then gluing them on to foam core cut to size . The professor was more interested in what we got from the photos than anything else , which I felt very confident about what I had done . I 'm learning that it is important to wait and see what the prof really wants and where he focuses and then to give it my best shot . That is learning that I know is certainly applicable out in the " real world " and it is a great reminder for me that perhaps there is still a thing or two I can learn about how I learn and how I listen . That , by the way , is nowhere in the class syllabus , but is just one of the benefits of having been out working in the world for a number of years and returning to school . Sometimes what you are learning fills in some gaps in your knowledge base that you didn 't even know you had . Today my life is good . Yes , I 've got a sore throat but I also have some great sugar - free lozenges . I 've got to make origami people , but I also have at least one or two friends who love arts and crafts who would love to help me make these people . My husband is safe in our bed playing with his IPad , one of my dogs , Paul , is asleep by my chair and the other one , Reality , is keeping David company . I have a lot to be grateful for . It 's about where do I want to focus my attention . Oat Willie 's is a head shop at West 29th Street and Guadalupe that was founded by Norman " Doug " Brown in 1968 . The name " Oat Willie " is from an Austin - based comic character . The famous Oat Willie 's motto ( on numerous bumper stickers since the 1970s ) is : " Onward Thru the Fog . " And it 's a great way to describe how several friends and me feel having been caught up in the mold infusion profusion happening in Austin , Texas after all the rain we 've been having lately . I 've been pretty much vertical all day except for a brief bout of vacuuming up the rampant dog hair ; otherwise it 's been me and the bed or the couch . Helps me to have a deeper empathy for people who are really ill . I do not take my good energy for granted at all . I 've got a long time friend who just found out that on top of all the other health issues she has ( Lupus , Diabetes , etc . ) they 've diagnosed her with non - Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . She will start radiation and chemotherapy sometime next week and all I can do is pray for her to have a healthy constitution , visit her when she 's able to receive company and help her find spunky pretty scarves to cover her head with after her hair falls out . I know that even on my worst days , like today in a mold fog , I 'm still light years healthier than my friend . I do know that when I am feeling bad like today , I am more able to bring in the kind soothing mental voices rather than the judgmental ones . Not sure what that is about , but I 'll take it . I 've also had some creative ideas come up such as writing some fictional novels about angels . I 've never really ever spent too much time considering writing fiction because I just figured that was something that I would not do very well . Better left up to the experts . But last night in my semi - conscious state , I realized that I 've been writing these books in my head for a while . Just never thought that was what they were until I slowed down long enough to pay attention to myself . Have you ever noticed the great ideas that sweep across your mind ? Have you been creating a book , painting , clothing , etc . etc . in your mind but hadn 't stopped to think about it before now ? What would be one daring creative idea that you 've had that you can 't believe that you have had , but you have ? Yes , there is nothing quite like going back to school and finishing up what I decided was not quite worthy of my attention a few decades ago . I know that really it 's such a great privilege and I 'm very grateful for the opportunity and love learning something new every week … . still though … . I am collecting the calories from the big ole humble pie that I get to keep taking slices of every week . Take today for instance . I have the opportunity to work a contract gig AND learn from the master about PR and Writing ( thank you NH ) and so this morning I had to get up early enough so that I could feed the cats , get ready , eat breakfast and talk with four people ( 15 minutes each ) who I sponsor and then be in San Marcos ( about 42 miles from my casa ) by 9 : 00am . I pretty much looked like a bag lady leaving my house this morning with my back pack ( with laptop and books ) , my architecture project that was due today plus all the supplies I will need over the semester and my lunch packed up and ready to go . For some reason I always feel like a Carol Burnett character when I begin tossing this bag over that shoulder and another bag over the other one and then trying to figure out how to carry an awkward sized poster board in a trash bag that could break at any minute . I did remember all my clothes and toiletries that I needed for after my mid - morning walk and was grateful that my hair is long enough now to fold up into a French bun and call it good . I had to call the Parking Office ( again ) and this time got a really helpful gal ( Heather ) who was very patient explaining to me where to park so that I could take the Bobcat Shuttle from the lot to the campus . I 've always been scared to do that because it would be just my luck to miss one very important part of instructions / directions only to discover that I had ended up somehow on an express bus bound for the panhandle ( not that there 's anything the matter with that Tricia ! ) . I wish they handed out gold pins that we could affix to our backpack for those of us who take the Bobcat Shuttle challenge ! Even more humbling was the getting off the bus with everything that I was trying to carry from Point A to Point B . That and when I get nervous , well , let 's just say I 'm not a fun person to sit within 10 feet of for any length of time . I think I accidentally hit a couple of students while exiting the bus and managed to figure out how to strap on my backpack , hang my lunch cooler , hold my poster board assignment and navigate the hills and stairs to finally land in the classroom . As simple and silly as this may all sound to you , trust me , this would have been a deal breaker not so long ago in the world of Lynn . I just would not have been able to stand not knowing so many things and taking my best shot based on the information I had and following through with action . That and walking through campus like a one - woman show ( lunch ? here you go ! Need some information ? Let me Google that for you . Architecture project ? No problem , I can show you some photos that I took and mounted showing examples of how color was used to accentuate for this commercial structure ! ) ! Luckily , the hot sweats didn 't start up until I 'd reached my final destination … . thank you God for cooler weather ! The other day as I was jogging around the neighborhood , I began a conversation with God / Guardian Angel about my life and how I was doing . The answers in the form of questions that came back to me were not what I was expecting . The conversation went something like this : Me : Is my life good ? Am I doing everything that I came here to do ? Considering all the gifts and tools I 've been given ( and earned ) in my life , am I where I want to be today ? G : What ruler are you using to measure what is good ? Whose voice it in your heard that is telling you how things should be ? Is it positive or negative ? I don 't know that I have any more answers than I did then but what I do know is that I 'm paying closer attention to what I am telling myself or perhaps what tapes I am choosing to load up and listen to in my brain over and over again without really thinking about if they 're helpful or not . My friend , Mitch Ditkoff , wrote a blog ( http : / / www . ideachampions . com / weblogs / archives / 2010 / 09 / the _ m _ word . shtml ) asking the question about why " we " need to monetize everything . It 's a good blog and definitely worthy of a read . I take that same line of questioning a bit further to help me find the answer to what ruler I 'm using to measure how good my life is and ask myself if I were writing the guidelines to what I believe is a good life , how good would my life be to me ? Because if I look at some of the people in my life who I love dearly , I look at them with so much love and I see a whole lot of good . And if I take that same loving look at my life , why it looks pretty darn good to me . There 's just a whole lot for me to be grateful for and happy about . It 's when I put other people 's rulers in there that I tend to make myself miserable . I just can 't measure up to the figment of another person 's ruler . In fact , I think I 'm ready to toss those rulers out . How do you feel about your life ? What is the quality of your self - talk about you and your life ? What is the tone of the voice ( s ) ? Do you recognize the voice ? I don 't know about you , but I have to really practice my yoga to be able to stretch my body effortlessly . The same goes with my spiritual , emotional and mental growth as well . To move from experiencing every single dang negative thing that I perceive that is happening in my life as another thorn in my crown of VICTIM with a capital " V " , I / we / you / me / us have to first be able to see that maybe just maybe there is something to this life thing ( that is beyond me to explain here ) and so everything that comes into our life can be an opportunity for growth . What brought about this discussion today was Attraction Principle # 21 which is : See How Perfect The Present Really Is - Especially when it is clearly not . We talked about this principle being about acceptance and also being about having a faith in something outside of you ( force , God , universe , divine law ) that is moving throughout the scenes in our lives . For me , it is usually easier to know when I 've experienced an AFGO after the fact but every once in a blue moon I know I 'm experiencing a growth opportunity as it is happening . It 's as if I am witnessing my own life as it unfolds and making decisions about how I am going to respond to the people and / or situation as it is happening . I think I 've written about this experience before , but I believe it bares repeating , that when you are able to know that you are having a growth opportunity as it is unfolding you are experiencing some mammer jammer quantum physics of some sort because you are so fully in the present that you can be at choice with how you will respond . As a recovering emotional spastic , being able to respond half way thoughtfully is definitely an improvement if not a blessing ! AFGOs go hand in hand with humility and remaining teachable . AFGOs help us to become more " real " and genuine . AFGOs remind us that we really don 't have all the answers even though we know we do . AFGOs are spiritual connectors between us and other people . This is a really simple and small example . I have these two plastic step files on my desk that every so often I have to go through the items and clear away , mail away , take care of or throw away stuff that I 've crammed into one of the six slots . I am a recovering pack rat so I have to watch for my tendency to hoard . Anyway , one of the plastic step files developed a crack in it 's back spine so that if I hit the thing just right it would fall over and everything would come tumbling down . Meanwhile , the other plastic step file sat in a nice safe spot on my desk with stuff in it that I knew I wouldn 't be using on a regular basis that I could file away . Finally today , during a break from a project I was working on , I took everything out of the broken step file but instead of throwing it away , I just switched places with the other one . I cleaned out both of them and I even put some books that I will be using to CLEP out of some classes in the broken step file that is now in a safe place where the broke doesn 't affect what is inside of it . I can 't tell you how much better my desk area feels to me now . There is not so much crap on my desk ( I weeded it out , took care of it or filed it away ) and I 'm not having to deal with a broken step file every day plus I have no idea why the books that are now sitting in the broken step file look so good in it , but they do . I can see them better than when they were flat on my desk getting stuff piled on them . Sure , I could buy a new step file and throw away the old one but why ? It works just fine and you can 't even see where it is cracked now .

" Despite the documented evidence of chess historian H . J . R . Murray , I have always thought that chess was invented by a goddess . " George Koltonowski , from Women in Chess , Players of the Modern Game  And then , we walked all the way back to our hotel near the Pra o . I have lots more photos that I took on the march , but I did not take any photographs of the sad Plaza Espana where the statues of Cervantes , Don Quixote and Pancho are located in one part ; they were all blocked off by construction and the Plaza itself was , sadly , loaded with grafitti and litt r . The fountain is still beautiful and the water was n . Even though every single bench in the small park area at the other side of the Plaza was loaded with grafitti people ( including me ) sat on them and appreciated the falling leav s . The air was still warm when we started back ; it felt like autumn rather than Janua Now I 'm ensconced in the hotel room again , even though it 's nice out right now . I fell asleep at 9 : 30 p . m . Madrid time last night and awoke at 2 a . m . I laid in bed for an hour hoping I would drift back off to sleep , to no avail . So I finally got out of bed and read the news , etc . and tried to do some blogging , but blogger just was not cooperating last night - - I should say , early this morning . My poor body doesn 't know if it 's coming or going . Right now my computer is showing Milwaukee time as 8 : 42 a . m . Don wanted to go inside the cathedral . I said absolutely not . He wanted to see what was inside . Pagan iconography , without a doubt . Once you 've seen the inside of one church , you 've seen them all , unless a Black Madonna was lurking about somewhere ( doubtful , we 'd have heard about her , I think ) . I 'm sure the Judeo - Christian god who lives inside this church would have hurled a thunderbolt at me if my foot had crossed the threshhold , goddess - worshipping pagan that I am . No Houses of Yawheh for me , thank you very much . Down the road a piece from the Mighty Cathedral , the Royal Palace . People were milling about and the police were all over , being rather obnoxious , actually . Don suspected an appearance by the King , perhaps something to do with the holiday . I was bored . Directly across from the Royal Palace , a very ritzy area . The parterres are lovely . There are sculptures of ancient kings and rulers of Spain up and down the walks . I did not photograph any of them . The tall building in the distance is the back of the Opera House . In October , 2002 Don and I sat in the hot sun and drank some tall ones with hundreds of other people at tables all over the plaza at the end of the gardens . Today , hardly any tables outside and the ones that were out were blocked off by glass partitions - for diners at a fancy restaurant only . Oh well . Plaza del Sol . Many of the shops were closed today for the Feast of the Three Kings . By Madrid standards , we were out early ( i . e . , before 3 : 00 p . m . ) . Later in the day when we walked through the plaza again headed back to our hotel , it was much more crowded . There were lots of families out today with their children , and many couples strolling . People in Madrid stroll , they don 't march . Plaza Mayor . When I first saw this place in 2002 , it was night and it was sparkling with lights . There were people everywhere , sitting at tables all around the perimeter where there are restaurants and tabernas and many shops . Here are a couple more photos of the Plaza Mayor : This is one of the many churches that are tucked away everywhere in Madrid . I 'm no good at reading Spanish - the only part of its name I could reason out was the first word " Inglesia " - which I think means " English " - but it could mean something else entirely ! We passed this lovely obviously old church as we marched down Calle de Mayor toward the edge of the escarpment . No photos I could take can do this Cathedral justice . It is gigantic and marches down the hill to the edge of the escarpment . To the right begins the grounds of the Royal Palace . in the world . I miss the United States . I miss scrambled eggs and regular coffee that isn 't thick enough to stand on its own without a cup . I miss everything that doesn 't cost a minimum of 10 . 60 euros . Take a look on this map and click on the Prado Museum - that will give you a rough idea of where we are staying in Madrid this trip - our Hostal Gonzalo is just a few blocks ( unfortunately , all up - hill ) from the beginning of the grounds to the Prado Museum , just across the Paseo del Prado to the left , on Calle de Cervantes . We are very close to the Starbucks that faces the Fountain of Jupiter . Now , please click on " City Walls . " That is where we were earlier today - but not for long . Mr . Don wanted to see the Palace area again , and also the Temple De Bod . We inspected the ancient Arab city wall excavations near the edge of what I call " The Escarpment " ( sort of like the area where Tarzan and Jane lived back in Africa in the 1940 's ) that we stumbled upon quite by chance , took photos of the magnificent Almundena Cathedral ( clickable on the map ) , and walked past the Royal Palace ( also clickable ) and the gardens across from the Esplanade , where lots of Policia were buzzing around and ordering people not to cross here or there ( including me ) , and on to the park that houses the lovely Temple of De Bod ( clickable ) , before circling back and landing at the Plaza de Espana ( also clickable ) where the statute dedicated to Cervantes and Don Quixote stands - - unfortunately inaccessible due to construction / renovations ( ? ) . All along the way , we rested when Mr . Don wanted to rest . We saw what Mr . Don wanted to see . Mr . Don ate when he was hungry . Mr . Don drank when he was thirsty . Mr . Don sat his skinny butt down on anything that would hold it whenever he was tired . We left the hotel about 9 : 30 a . m . to get breakfast - - Big Macs and fries at McDonalds near the Atocha Station because , Mr . Don decreed , the little cafe we had a perfectly adequate breakfast at yesterday wasn 't good enough for him . We stopped briefly back at our hotel before heading out about 10 : 30 a . m . to go see what Mr . Don wanted to see because , Mr . Don decreed , he wanted to see some things in the Guide Book I had oh so inconsiderately left back at my hotel room . In fact , today we saw everything that Mr . Don wanted to see , and Mr . Don ate and drank what Mr . Don wanted to eat and drink . Mr . Don rested when he wanted to rest . Mr . Don took the videos and photographs he wanted and also ordered me to take certain photographs that he did not feel like taking because he did not want to wear out his batteries . I also lugged Mr . Don 's video cam in my purse because Mr . Don did not want to be inconvenienced with his back - pack today , and he had too much of a burden carrying his cigarettes and lighter . We arrived back at the hotel exhausted , shortly before 5 : 00 p . m . I stopped on the way back at the little corner grocer just two blocks away and picked up a bottle of wine for 2 . 99 euros - one of the cheapest things to buy in Madrid . I think I need another bottle of cheap Madrid wine , actually . Maybe three more , actually . Mr . Don is sleeping , although right now furniture is being moved overhead and lots of pounding and shouting is taking place overhead and underneath us in the premises in which our Hostal is situated . In fact , it has been taking place since shortly after Mr . Don retired to go take a nap from which , no doubt , he will arise bright eyed and bushy - tailed around 11 : 00 p . m . and expect me to accompany him on a round on nightlife in the City . Guess again , Dude . I have made sure to flush my toilet several times . Mr . Don 's room is separated from mine partially by a closet holding cleaning supplies for the hotel owners , but our bathrooms share a wall that has no sound - proofing in it . I can hear him when he pees and he can , no doubt , hear when I pee , too . I hope he hears me pee out a lot of cheap Madrid vino tonight . Beautiful buildings and plazas abound in Old ( central ) Madrid . We came across a small round plaza and I took several photographs of the buildings - there were at least five calles ( streets , although to be fair , many of them are single - file one - way traffic " lanes " - - like alleys - - rather than streets as we know them in the states ) . We left the Calle de Atocha and walked down - - not sure - - but eventually we ended up walking down Calle de Mayor . Right across the street from these builidings , started the grand edifice of the Bank of Spain - Credit something - or - other . This building is distinct from the Bank of Spain ( a similarly grand edifice ) that is kitty - corner from the Fountain of Cybele , perhaps six blocks from where our hotel is located . I don 't know if you can see them , but yes , those are elephants ' heads acting as korbels on this great Bank of Spain building ! Doesn 't the detailing on this facade just take your breath away ? It sure did mine . I 'm glad to have finally got some photographs of it on my own . The barred doors of the main entry to this particular branch of the Bank of Spain , in all of their wrought - iron glory ! Today , being a national holiday in Spain , all banks and public buildings were closed . I tried to get the sign in the photo just to the right of the doors . These doors are probably - 30 feet tall ? ? ? And wider than I am tall ( 5 ' 3 - 3 / 4 " - - I 'm proud of that extra 3 / 4s of an inch ) . Another view of the magnificent facade of this particular branch ( above the main barred doors ) of the Bank of Spain . Just in case you didn 't know it - I tried to get the photo of the name of banlk in this photo ) . This " branch " is the Banco Espanol de Credito . Oh oh , guess this particular branch hasn 't done very well , has it . . . Another one of the innumerable formerly royal palaces that has been turned into a museum . I don 't remember what this one is called . Mr . Don marched me past it on our way down the Calle de Acala ( I think - after a certain point I just zoned out and went into " endure " mode ) . It sure was a pretty place , I remember that . The proportiions were lovely , even though closed in on both sides by other buildings . I think it houses a collection of fine art now . Sorry , I don 't know it 's name . Atocha is cloaked partly in scaffolding right now , unfortunately , and what I imagine would ordinarily be a lovely approach to the station from a grand plaza is all shuttered all with stupid walls and construction crapola . Oh well . The inside of the station is magnificent ! We didn 't get " down " to this end of the Paseo del Prado to see Atocha Station when we were last here in October , 2002 , but the McDonalds we have taken to visiting during this trip is just a few crosswalks away . We made a point of getting to it yesterday ( January 5 ) early in the day . with steel ( ? ) structure and brick , magnificently tiled roofs and large windows . It 's a beautiful space . In the following photographs , I 'll try to give you a feeling for the grandeur , grace and size of the space ! Much of the first floor under what I believe to be the " original " structure is filled with plants from a tropical rain forest . It is warm and damp ! Mist fills the air ! You look up , up and up and way overhead is a narrow strip of sky . There are four escalators / people movers that take you from the ground floor below to the " top " floor above which opens into a parking structure . People are everywhere , hurrying this way and that or poking around ( like Mr . Don and I were ) , taking photos and pointing and going " oooooh " and " aaaahhhh . " These , we know , are tourists : ) Look ! It really is a train station ! These are arrival and depature times . Sorry for the not very clear shot , I 'm not the best photographer . Beyond those glass doors is a shopping mall , by the way , ladies . In there ( at Mr . Don 's suggestion ) is where I found an electronics place that was able to get me the PROPER current converter to use with my trusty little Acer notebook so it would not burn out using the hot Madrid current . Just wait until I get back home to the downtown OfficeMax and that kid who told me the converter he sold me for about $ 25 was just what I needed to use with my computer . I told him then - I really really did - that if he was wrong and it didn 't work I was going to come back and punch him in the nose . Guess what , dude . You 've got one really really angry old bitch coming after you when I get back to Milwaukee . . . I paid a premium price ( of course ) for what I needed here in Madrid at that particular shop - 49 . 50 euros - you can figure out what that is in U . S . dollars given the exchange rate of about $ 1 . 30 . I could not take the chance that we would stumble upon another electronics store that would have what I needed or that I could find what I needed for any less cost . DAMN DAMN DAMN ! I think my favorite part of the entire station are the birds ! They are flying about here and there , and while I could not actually SEE any nests , I figured they must be nesting in there , because I heared a LOT of birds - - mostly sparrows , but there were some pigeons flying around too . I think the sparrows have nests either inside or behind some of the brick work , and tucked up in those metals " eaves " for sure . Watch out below . . . The Feast of the Three Kings in Madrid is celebrated as a Holy Day and National Holiday on January 6th , but the parade is traditionally held on the night before . Don had read about this parade and wanted to see it , so we made a point . Little did we know ! We ventured out toward the spot where I 'd read that the parade traditionally started ( actually , it ended there ) and about 3 : 40 or so we strolled up to a barricade and were checking things out . Already across from us lines of people four to five deep and many many children . The evening before we had already seen preparations going in place - metal barricades were being trucked in by the score and sound checks were already being made for the stage that was set up in front of the what is either the national telecommunications ministry or the local equivalent of AT & T ! It 's a gorgeous building , whatever its purpose . . . Mr . Don was thirsty and hungry , in that order . I was neither . As the minutes ticked on and more and more people crowed in around us , we realized that we held down a prized piece of territory and Mr . Don opted for some of my bottled water . We held our ground . I was sure the parade must start at 5 p . m . Already it was apparent that thousands of parents and their children had arrived hours before to hold down the first spots along the barricaded parade route . More and more people crowded around us , some with children . I don 't mind the children , but I did mind pushy parents trying to mow me over as if I didn 't exist ! Mostly , though , the crowd was very well behaved , particularly the children who , one and all , put the " adults " to shame . The entire time we were there ( from 3 : 40 p . m . until we started to work out way backward through the stubborn crowd about 8 : 15 p . m . , I did not hear a single child throw a temper tantrum or even exhibit much distress . Too bad I can 't say the same for some of the adults around us . The hours ticked by . The actual " festivities " did not even begin until 6 p . m . - with a stage show . We did not recognize the young entertainers but I think they were the Madrid equivalent of " The Kids from Wisconsin " - you know the type , wholesome and big - voiced but not necessarily very talented . . . Well , we stuck it out . And we 'll no doubt pay for it tomorrow . At some point I could no longer feel my feet . And then my left knee went totally numb . . . Poor Mr . Don was affected even more , which surprised me , because I think I 'm in overall worse shape than he is ; but our long flight , and he knotted up in that seat for so long - - it took its toll . Anyway , he shot several videos of the parade action before we decided to try to leave . " TRY " is the operative word . There must have been at least 300 , 000 people packed into the area around the Fountain of Cybele , where Calle de Acala , the Gran Via and the Paseo del Prado all meet , as well as up and down the parade route , and even more down along the Paseo del Prado . It was a sight , but not something I ever want to go through again ! EVER ! Most of the people made no effort at all to try and move even slightly so that we could work out way toward the sidewalk . A few gracious people did - - and many of them wished us luck in English ! I had some luck at first leading the way and saying constantly " excuse , excuse " and then Mr . Don took the lead . We lucked out when we hit a stream of people with children who were also trying to leave and we followed along behind them , and then other people followed along behind us . It was a " Conga line " of sorts , but very serious , for the crowd was crushing . I can 't imagine what it must have felt like for a young one in a stroller , having already been knee high in people for most of five or more hours ! At last , after at least 20 minutes of hard work and trying not to offend anyone by stepping on them or knocking them over or giving them an elbow in the gut ( much as a few deserved it ! ) , we got our feet into the beginnings of the Gran Via , and made a " run " for it - well , at least as fast as the crowd would allow . As far as I could see up ( down ? ) the Gran Via , people everywhere ! But there was room to walk , and even as we headed away from the crowd still lined up to watch the final float of the parade - the Three Kings - more people started joining us on the escape route ! The first side street we saw , blessedly clear of traffic - we took a hard left and headed toward the Calle de Cervantes and our hostal ! Mr . Don was hungry and wanted to eat . I just wanted to go back to the hotel . We first headed to the little cafe across from the hostal where we 'd eaten breakfast that morning , but he had already closed down for the night . Then we headed back to a taberna we 'd passed along the way , right around the corner , but Mr . Don said they were too expensive . I said let 's go back to the hotel . He said let 's get a pizza . So I follow him along up Calle de Cervantes and then into - I forget - but we had visited the street earlier in the morning ( gee , it seems like a lifetime ago ! ) and there were at least a dozen restaurants / tabernas / " pizza " places along the way . We stopped at the very first one that didn 't look very promising to me but Mr . Don looked at the posted menu and said " they have pizzas for 10 euros " and so we went in . And had excellent service and an excellent meal . As we sat and enjoyed our beer ( Mr . Don ) and wine ( me ) and then our Marghereta - style pizza , more and more people trickled in . Soon , the place went from nearly empty to nearly half - full , and the single young and friendly waitress who spoke English fairly well was running ( literally ! ) to serve people . From what I could tell , though , the entire staff in the place , which consisted of a cook and a young male all - around helper , were also working their butts off . The pizza was delicious . The wine was good , and Mr . Don said his draft beer ( we have no idea what brand it was ) was very tasty , too . I ordered a second glass of wine . Then we ordered cafe con leche and dessert ( a sort of crepe with chocolate drizzled over it , very tasty , and served warm , not hot ) . Our entire meal was less than 26 euros . We left a western - style tip ( nearly 20 % ) , and the waitress was very happy . She and the other workers deserved a good tip , more than the usual 5 % that might ( or might not ) typically be left . They gave us great unobtrusive service - and were very good to us with our fumbling mostly non - existent Spanish ( I resort mostly to pointing at the menu - for shame , Jan ! ) Another looooooonnnnnnnggggggg day in Spain . Tomorrow most things will be closed . I expect Mr . Don and I will walk around and take a lot more photos and videos , and plan our day trip to Toledo . More later , but probably not tonight . I 'm still torn between Milwaukee time ( currently 6 : 06 p . m . and Madrid time , which is 7 hours later , so it 's 13 : 06 a . m . - or something like that . . . ) Time to get some sleep ! Our flight was long and bumpy - lots of turbulance - but uneventful . Iberia Airlines fed us well ; the entertainment wasn 't anything to write home about , a movie about a fighting robot or something - I didn 't watch it , I tried to sleep ( not very successfully ) . Our flight touched down at 7 : 20 a . m . Madrid time and it was pitch black outside - no daylight savings time here . O ' Hare Airport decorated for the holidays 1 / 3 / 12 .  The new airport is gigantic and a monstrosity of " modern " architecture , which means lots of glass and steel everywhere and glaring white . It 's ugly and cold looking , and like everything else seemingly in Madrid this time of year , greatly over - heated . Geez ! No energy crisis in this country - or if there is , they don 't care . Our hotel rooms are hot , restaurants are hot , the airport was hot ! Yes , it is cold and damp in the mornings , about freezing or a little below ; but by 3 p . m . it 's warmed up into the 50 's and people are walking around in hoodies . Yesterday afternoon after a nap between about 12 and 3 ( we 're doing the same today except right now I 'm doing this instead of trying to catch some sleep ) it was beautiful out and the streets were packed with people . We hiked down Paseo del Prado to Calle de Atocha and then headed up the hill to Retiro Park grounds , which spread behind the Paseo del Prado from Calle de Atocha all the way to Calle de Alcala . There were lots of families with children ( out of school for the holidays ) as well as tourists from all over ( we heard lots of different languages ) strolling about the park grounds that features lovely views . It smelled like autumn in the air , not winter . It 's impossible to describe the impact this artifact has when seeing it in person and up close . It was not enclosed in glass and so you were able to get your nose very close in to look at the heiroglyphic inscriptions - - but not touching . Information from the Franck Goddio Society Website : In the 4th century B . C . , in the township of Saft on the eastern border of the Nile Delta , Pharaoh Nectanebo I dedicated a monolithic basalt chapel of the kind called naos by egyptologists . Its surfaces were engraved with images and inscriptions representing and explaining the 36 decades , which are the ten - day periods defined by the appearance and disappearance of significant stars called the decans . Observation of the movement of these decans was used to count the night hours . Then , in the 9th century B . C . , the Egyptians attributed these celestial figures with the menacing power of influencing human destiny . When the Greeks later brought to Alexandria an astrology with roots reaching far back in time to the Assyrians and Chaldaeans , the Egyptian decans were introduced as subdivisions of the twelve signs of the zodiac ( which they remained even up to today 's practitioners of astrology ) . Already at the time of the Ptolemies , a number of Alexandrian intellectuals , philosophers and astronomers strove to penetrate the immemorial beliefs which the Egyptian priests were supposed to have gleaned from the god Thot - Hermes Trismegistos for the Greeks . These beliefs then grew further under the Roman domination , elaborating the future occultist and hermetist knowledge which pervaded all through the Middle Ages . During Roman times ( between the 1st and 3rd century A . D . ) , the Naos of the Decades was transferred from Saft to a temple in Canopus , the sacred place of the cult of Serapis and Isis . The subsequent Christianisation of this Canopian hotbed of obstinate resistant to pagan beliefs was difficult and uphill work , ending in the dramatic , violent events which are known . The Christians violently smashed and destroyed the stone chapel which was considered an outstanding example characteristic of pagan idolatry and disturbing demonic " superstitions " … Its fragments were dispersed over a wide area when a major part of the city was submerged ( current research in the bay also hopes to determine more precisely the date of this In 1940 , divers under the direction of Prince Omar Tousson , a pioneer of underwater research in Aboukir Bay , reported the presence of two great slabs of stone representing the rear and the floor of the tabernacle , which were subsequently put into the Greco - roman Museum in Alexandria . The study of the available texts had allowed several scientists to undertake a theoretical reconstitution of the complex iconographic system which sorted and arranged the 36 decades , while the hieroglyphic captions permitted the interpretation of the mysterious figures representing the course of the 36 decans through the night . The notes defining the influence which each decade operated on nature , animals , human communities and individual health , were discovered to be of the same literary style and genre as found in Greek and Latin treatises of the Roman period , but were written in Egyptian hieroglyphs of the 4th century B . C . The stars were then thought to strike the order of Pharaoh 's kingdom and of the various bordering states , which are concepts manifestly absorbed during the contacts between Egypt and Assyria at the turn of the 8th to the 7th century B . C . Museography : the additions collected by Franck Goddio allow first of all to envisage an almost integral restoration of a monument exceptional by its quality and dimensions . Cultural History : In addition , they contribute decisive elements for historians of ancient cultures . The particular way in which the doctrine concerning the deities of the decades has been inserted into the specific geographical and religious reality of Saft as well as into the Egyptian myth of Genesis , is now accessible through a text of a kind which was so far to tally unknown , preserved on one of the numerous fragments . Furthermore , mention of the Medes on another of them determines that the entire document could not have been created before the 5th century B . C . , when Egypt became part of the Persian Empire . The " Naos of the Decades " also tells us that a scholar from the Egyptian province - long before the hellenistic period and outside any reference to the zodiacal cycle - had attributed the same kind of political influence to the celestial deity which had created the decans and controlled the decades , as Assyrian astrologers had attributed to the moon and the planets , a genre unknown to Egyptian hemerologies and menologies . It would indeed be wonderful if further diving could reveal the few pieces still missing . Nevertheless , it will certainly require much time and effort to collate all the inscriptions on the available stones - some of which are heavily corroded - and then undertake the philological research into the precise sense of certain words in the texts , as well as a renewed reflection on the Egyptian concepts concerning the decans . I 'm one of the founders of Goddesschess , which went online May 6 , 1999 . I earned an under - graduate degree in history and economics going to college part - time nights , weekends and summer school while working full - time , and went on to earn a post - graduate degree ( J . D . ) I love the challenge of research , and spend my spare time reading and writing about my favorite subjects , travelling and working in my gardens . My family and my friends are most important in my life . For the second half of my life , I 'm focusing on " doable " things to help local chess initiatives , starting in my own home town . And I 'm experiencing a sort of personal " Renaissance " that is leaving me rather breathless . . .

" Despite the documented evidence of chess historian H . J . R . Murray , I have always thought that chess was invented by a goddess . " George Koltonowski , from Women in Chess , Players of the Modern Game  And then , we walked all the way back to our hotel near the Pra o . I have lots more photos that I took on the march , but I did not take any photographs of the sad Plaza Espana where the statues of Cervantes , Don Quixote and Pancho are located in one part ; they were all blocked off by construction and the Plaza itself was , sadly , loaded with grafitti and litt r . The fountain is still beautiful and the water was n . Even though every single bench in the small park area at the other side of the Plaza was loaded with grafitti people ( including me ) sat on them and appreciated the falling leav s . The air was still warm when we started back ; it felt like autumn rather than Janua Now I 'm ensconced in the hotel room again , even though it 's nice out right now . I fell asleep at 9 : 30 p . m . Madrid time last night and awoke at 2 a . m . I laid in bed for an hour hoping I would drift back off to sleep , to no avail . So I finally got out of bed and read the news , etc . and tried to do some blogging , but blogger just was not cooperating last night - - I should say , early this morning . My poor body doesn 't know if it 's coming or going . Right now my computer is showing Milwaukee time as 8 : 42 a . m . Don wanted to go inside the cathedral . I said absolutely not . He wanted to see what was inside . Pagan iconography , without a doubt . Once you 've seen the inside of one church , you 've seen them all , unless a Black Madonna was lurking about somewhere ( doubtful , we 'd have heard about her , I think ) . I 'm sure the Judeo - Christian god who lives inside this church would have hurled a thunderbolt at me if my foot had crossed the threshhold , goddess - worshipping pagan that I am . No Houses of Yawheh for me , thank you very much . Down the road a piece from the Mighty Cathedral , the Royal Palace . People were milling about and the police were all over , being rather obnoxious , actually . Don suspected an appearance by the King , perhaps something to do with the holiday . I was bored . Directly across from the Royal Palace , a very ritzy area . The parterres are lovely . There are sculptures of ancient kings and rulers of Spain up and down the walks . I did not photograph any of them . The tall building in the distance is the back of the Opera House . In October , 2002 Don and I sat in the hot sun and drank some tall ones with hundreds of other people at tables all over the plaza at the end of the gardens . Today , hardly any tables outside and the ones that were out were blocked off by glass partitions - for diners at a fancy restaurant only . Oh well . Plaza del Sol . Many of the shops were closed today for the Feast of the Three Kings . By Madrid standards , we were out early ( i . e . , before 3 : 00 p . m . ) . Later in the day when we walked through the plaza again headed back to our hotel , it was much more crowded . There were lots of families out today with their children , and many couples strolling . People in Madrid stroll , they don 't march . Plaza Mayor . When I first saw this place in 2002 , it was night and it was sparkling with lights . There were people everywhere , sitting at tables all around the perimeter where there are restaurants and tabernas and many shops . Here are a couple more photos of the Plaza Mayor : This is one of the many churches that are tucked away everywhere in Madrid . I 'm no good at reading Spanish - the only part of its name I could reason out was the first word " Inglesia " - which I think means " English " - but it could mean something else entirely ! We passed this lovely obviously old church as we marched down Calle de Mayor toward the edge of the escarpment . No photos I could take can do this Cathedral justice . It is gigantic and marches down the hill to the edge of the escarpment . To the right begins the grounds of the Royal Palace . in the world . I miss the United States . I miss scrambled eggs and regular coffee that isn 't thick enough to stand on its own without a cup . I miss everything that doesn 't cost a minimum of 10 . 60 euros . Take a look on this map and click on the Prado Museum - that will give you a rough idea of where we are staying in Madrid this trip - our Hostal Gonzalo is just a few blocks ( unfortunately , all up - hill ) from the beginning of the grounds to the Prado Museum , just across the Paseo del Prado to the left , on Calle de Cervantes . We are very close to the Starbucks that faces the Fountain of Jupiter . Now , please click on " City Walls . " That is where we were earlier today - but not for long . Mr . Don wanted to see the Palace area again , and also the Temple De Bod . We inspected the ancient Arab city wall excavations near the edge of what I call " The Escarpment " ( sort of like the area where Tarzan and Jane lived back in Africa in the 1940 's ) that we stumbled upon quite by chance , took photos of the magnificent Almundena Cathedral ( clickable on the map ) , and walked past the Royal Palace ( also clickable ) and the gardens across from the Esplanade , where lots of Policia were buzzing around and ordering people not to cross here or there ( including me ) , and on to the park that houses the lovely Temple of De Bod ( clickable ) , before circling back and landing at the Plaza de Espana ( also clickable ) where the statute dedicated to Cervantes and Don Quixote stands - - unfortunately inaccessible due to construction / renovations ( ? ) . All along the way , we rested when Mr . Don wanted to rest . We saw what Mr . Don wanted to see . Mr . Don ate when he was hungry . Mr . Don drank when he was thirsty . Mr . Don sat his skinny butt down on anything that would hold it whenever he was tired . We left the hotel about 9 : 30 a . m . to get breakfast - - Big Macs and fries at McDonalds near the Atocha Station because , Mr . Don decreed , the little cafe we had a perfectly adequate breakfast at yesterday wasn 't good enough for him . We stopped briefly back at our hotel before heading out about 10 : 30 a . m . to go see what Mr . Don wanted to see because , Mr . Don decreed , he wanted to see some things in the Guide Book I had oh so inconsiderately left back at my hotel room . In fact , today we saw everything that Mr . Don wanted to see , and Mr . Don ate and drank what Mr . Don wanted to eat and drink . Mr . Don rested when he wanted to rest . Mr . Don took the videos and photographs he wanted and also ordered me to take certain photographs that he did not feel like taking because he did not want to wear out his batteries . I also lugged Mr . Don 's video cam in my purse because Mr . Don did not want to be inconvenienced with his back - pack today , and he had too much of a burden carrying his cigarettes and lighter . We arrived back at the hotel exhausted , shortly before 5 : 00 p . m . I stopped on the way back at the little corner grocer just two blocks away and picked up a bottle of wine for 2 . 99 euros - one of the cheapest things to buy in Madrid . I think I need another bottle of cheap Madrid wine , actually . Maybe three more , actually . Mr . Don is sleeping , although right now furniture is being moved overhead and lots of pounding and shouting is taking place overhead and underneath us in the premises in which our Hostal is situated . In fact , it has been taking place since shortly after Mr . Don retired to go take a nap from which , no doubt , he will arise bright eyed and bushy - tailed around 11 : 00 p . m . and expect me to accompany him on a round on nightlife in the City . Guess again , Dude . I have made sure to flush my toilet several times . Mr . Don 's room is separated from mine partially by a closet holding cleaning supplies for the hotel owners , but our bathrooms share a wall that has no sound - proofing in it . I can hear him when he pees and he can , no doubt , hear when I pee , too . I hope he hears me pee out a lot of cheap Madrid vino tonight . Beautiful buildings and plazas abound in Old ( central ) Madrid . We came across a small round plaza and I took several photographs of the buildings - there were at least five calles ( streets , although to be fair , many of them are single - file one - way traffic " lanes " - - like alleys - - rather than streets as we know them in the states ) . We left the Calle de Atocha and walked down - - not sure - - but eventually we ended up walking down Calle de Mayor . Right across the street from these builidings , started the grand edifice of the Bank of Spain - Credit something - or - other . This building is distinct from the Bank of Spain ( a similarly grand edifice ) that is kitty - corner from the Fountain of Cybele , perhaps six blocks from where our hotel is located . I don 't know if you can see them , but yes , those are elephants ' heads acting as korbels on this great Bank of Spain building ! Doesn 't the detailing on this facade just take your breath away ? It sure did mine . I 'm glad to have finally got some photographs of it on my own . The barred doors of the main entry to this particular branch of the Bank of Spain , in all of their wrought - iron glory ! Today , being a national holiday in Spain , all banks and public buildings were closed . I tried to get the sign in the photo just to the right of the doors . These doors are probably - 30 feet tall ? ? ? And wider than I am tall ( 5 ' 3 - 3 / 4 " - - I 'm proud of that extra 3 / 4s of an inch ) . Another view of the magnificent facade of this particular branch ( above the main barred doors ) of the Bank of Spain . Just in case you didn 't know it - I tried to get the photo of the name of banlk in this photo ) . This " branch " is the Banco Espanol de Credito . Oh oh , guess this particular branch hasn 't done very well , has it . . . Another one of the innumerable formerly royal palaces that has been turned into a museum . I don 't remember what this one is called . Mr . Don marched me past it on our way down the Calle de Acala ( I think - after a certain point I just zoned out and went into " endure " mode ) . It sure was a pretty place , I remember that . The proportiions were lovely , even though closed in on both sides by other buildings . I think it houses a collection of fine art now . Sorry , I don 't know it 's name . Atocha is cloaked partly in scaffolding right now , unfortunately , and what I imagine would ordinarily be a lovely approach to the station from a grand plaza is all shuttered all with stupid walls and construction crapola . Oh well . The inside of the station is magnificent ! We didn 't get " down " to this end of the Paseo del Prado to see Atocha Station when we were last here in October , 2002 , but the McDonalds we have taken to visiting during this trip is just a few crosswalks away . We made a point of getting to it yesterday ( January 5 ) early in the day . with steel ( ? ) structure and brick , magnificently tiled roofs and large windows . It 's a beautiful space . In the following photographs , I 'll try to give you a feeling for the grandeur , grace and size of the space ! Much of the first floor under what I believe to be the " original " structure is filled with plants from a tropical rain forest . It is warm and damp ! Mist fills the air ! You look up , up and up and way overhead is a narrow strip of sky . There are four escalators / people movers that take you from the ground floor below to the " top " floor above which opens into a parking structure . People are everywhere , hurrying this way and that or poking around ( like Mr . Don and I were ) , taking photos and pointing and going " oooooh " and " aaaahhhh . " These , we know , are tourists : ) Look ! It really is a train station ! These are arrival and depature times . Sorry for the not very clear shot , I 'm not the best photographer . Beyond those glass doors is a shopping mall , by the way , ladies . In there ( at Mr . Don 's suggestion ) is where I found an electronics place that was able to get me the PROPER current converter to use with my trusty little Acer notebook so it would not burn out using the hot Madrid current . Just wait until I get back home to the downtown OfficeMax and that kid who told me the converter he sold me for about $ 25 was just what I needed to use with my computer . I told him then - I really really did - that if he was wrong and it didn 't work I was going to come back and punch him in the nose . Guess what , dude . You 've got one really really angry old bitch coming after you when I get back to Milwaukee . . . I paid a premium price ( of course ) for what I needed here in Madrid at that particular shop - 49 . 50 euros - you can figure out what that is in U . S . dollars given the exchange rate of about $ 1 . 30 . I could not take the chance that we would stumble upon another electronics store that would have what I needed or that I could find what I needed for any less cost . DAMN DAMN DAMN ! I think my favorite part of the entire station are the birds ! They are flying about here and there , and while I could not actually SEE any nests , I figured they must be nesting in there , because I heared a LOT of birds - - mostly sparrows , but there were some pigeons flying around too . I think the sparrows have nests either inside or behind some of the brick work , and tucked up in those metals " eaves " for sure . Watch out below . . . The Feast of the Three Kings in Madrid is celebrated as a Holy Day and National Holiday on January 6th , but the parade is traditionally held on the night before . Don had read about this parade and wanted to see it , so we made a point . Little did we know ! We ventured out toward the spot where I 'd read that the parade traditionally started ( actually , it ended there ) and about 3 : 40 or so we strolled up to a barricade and were checking things out . Already across from us lines of people four to five deep and many many children . The evening before we had already seen preparations going in place - metal barricades were being trucked in by the score and sound checks were already being made for the stage that was set up in front of the what is either the national telecommunications ministry or the local equivalent of AT & T ! It 's a gorgeous building , whatever its purpose . . . Mr . Don was thirsty and hungry , in that order . I was neither . As the minutes ticked on and more and more people crowed in around us , we realized that we held down a prized piece of territory and Mr . Don opted for some of my bottled water . We held our ground . I was sure the parade must start at 5 p . m . Already it was apparent that thousands of parents and their children had arrived hours before to hold down the first spots along the barricaded parade route . More and more people crowded around us , some with children . I don 't mind the children , but I did mind pushy parents trying to mow me over as if I didn 't exist ! Mostly , though , the crowd was very well behaved , particularly the children who , one and all , put the " adults " to shame . The entire time we were there ( from 3 : 40 p . m . until we started to work out way backward through the stubborn crowd about 8 : 15 p . m . , I did not hear a single child throw a temper tantrum or even exhibit much distress . Too bad I can 't say the same for some of the adults around us . The hours ticked by . The actual " festivities " did not even begin until 6 p . m . - with a stage show . We did not recognize the young entertainers but I think they were the Madrid equivalent of " The Kids from Wisconsin " - you know the type , wholesome and big - voiced but not necessarily very talented . . . Well , we stuck it out . And we 'll no doubt pay for it tomorrow . At some point I could no longer feel my feet . And then my left knee went totally numb . . . Poor Mr . Don was affected even more , which surprised me , because I think I 'm in overall worse shape than he is ; but our long flight , and he knotted up in that seat for so long - - it took its toll . Anyway , he shot several videos of the parade action before we decided to try to leave . " TRY " is the operative word . There must have been at least 300 , 000 people packed into the area around the Fountain of Cybele , where Calle de Acala , the Gran Via and the Paseo del Prado all meet , as well as up and down the parade route , and even more down along the Paseo del Prado . It was a sight , but not something I ever want to go through again ! EVER ! Most of the people made no effort at all to try and move even slightly so that we could work out way toward the sidewalk . A few gracious people did - - and many of them wished us luck in English ! I had some luck at first leading the way and saying constantly " excuse , excuse " and then Mr . Don took the lead . We lucked out when we hit a stream of people with children who were also trying to leave and we followed along behind them , and then other people followed along behind us . It was a " Conga line " of sorts , but very serious , for the crowd was crushing . I can 't imagine what it must have felt like for a young one in a stroller , having already been knee high in people for most of five or more hours ! At last , after at least 20 minutes of hard work and trying not to offend anyone by stepping on them or knocking them over or giving them an elbow in the gut ( much as a few deserved it ! ) , we got our feet into the beginnings of the Gran Via , and made a " run " for it - well , at least as fast as the crowd would allow . As far as I could see up ( down ? ) the Gran Via , people everywhere ! But there was room to walk , and even as we headed away from the crowd still lined up to watch the final float of the parade - the Three Kings - more people started joining us on the escape route ! The first side street we saw , blessedly clear of traffic - we took a hard left and headed toward the Calle de Cervantes and our hostal ! Mr . Don was hungry and wanted to eat . I just wanted to go back to the hotel . We first headed to the little cafe across from the hostal where we 'd eaten breakfast that morning , but he had already closed down for the night . Then we headed back to a taberna we 'd passed along the way , right around the corner , but Mr . Don said they were too expensive . I said let 's go back to the hotel . He said let 's get a pizza . So I follow him along up Calle de Cervantes and then into - I forget - but we had visited the street earlier in the morning ( gee , it seems like a lifetime ago ! ) and there were at least a dozen restaurants / tabernas / " pizza " places along the way . We stopped at the very first one that didn 't look very promising to me but Mr . Don looked at the posted menu and said " they have pizzas for 10 euros " and so we went in . And had excellent service and an excellent meal . As we sat and enjoyed our beer ( Mr . Don ) and wine ( me ) and then our Marghereta - style pizza , more and more people trickled in . Soon , the place went from nearly empty to nearly half - full , and the single young and friendly waitress who spoke English fairly well was running ( literally ! ) to serve people . From what I could tell , though , the entire staff in the place , which consisted of a cook and a young male all - around helper , were also working their butts off . The pizza was delicious . The wine was good , and Mr . Don said his draft beer ( we have no idea what brand it was ) was very tasty , too . I ordered a second glass of wine . Then we ordered cafe con leche and dessert ( a sort of crepe with chocolate drizzled over it , very tasty , and served warm , not hot ) . Our entire meal was less than 26 euros . We left a western - style tip ( nearly 20 % ) , and the waitress was very happy . She and the other workers deserved a good tip , more than the usual 5 % that might ( or might not ) typically be left . They gave us great unobtrusive service - and were very good to us with our fumbling mostly non - existent Spanish ( I resort mostly to pointing at the menu - for shame , Jan ! ) Another looooooonnnnnnnggggggg day in Spain . Tomorrow most things will be closed . I expect Mr . Don and I will walk around and take a lot more photos and videos , and plan our day trip to Toledo . More later , but probably not tonight . I 'm still torn between Milwaukee time ( currently 6 : 06 p . m . and Madrid time , which is 7 hours later , so it 's 13 : 06 a . m . - or something like that . . . ) Time to get some sleep ! Our flight was long and bumpy - lots of turbulance - but uneventful . Iberia Airlines fed us well ; the entertainment wasn 't anything to write home about , a movie about a fighting robot or something - I didn 't watch it , I tried to sleep ( not very successfully ) . Our flight touched down at 7 : 20 a . m . Madrid time and it was pitch black outside - no daylight savings time here . O ' Hare Airport decorated for the holidays 1 / 3 / 12 .  The new airport is gigantic and a monstrosity of " modern " architecture , which means lots of glass and steel everywhere and glaring white . It 's ugly and cold looking , and like everything else seemingly in Madrid this time of year , greatly over - heated . Geez ! No energy crisis in this country - or if there is , they don 't care . Our hotel rooms are hot , restaurants are hot , the airport was hot ! Yes , it is cold and damp in the mornings , about freezing or a little below ; but by 3 p . m . it 's warmed up into the 50 's and people are walking around in hoodies . Yesterday afternoon after a nap between about 12 and 3 ( we 're doing the same today except right now I 'm doing this instead of trying to catch some sleep ) it was beautiful out and the streets were packed with people . We hiked down Paseo del Prado to Calle de Atocha and then headed up the hill to Retiro Park grounds , which spread behind the Paseo del Prado from Calle de Atocha all the way to Calle de Alcala . There were lots of families with children ( out of school for the holidays ) as well as tourists from all over ( we heard lots of different languages ) strolling about the park grounds that features lovely views . It smelled like autumn in the air , not winter . It 's impossible to describe the impact this artifact has when seeing it in person and up close . It was not enclosed in glass and so you were able to get your nose very close in to look at the heiroglyphic inscriptions - - but not touching . Information from the Franck Goddio Society Website : In the 4th century B . C . , in the township of Saft on the eastern border of the Nile Delta , Pharaoh Nectanebo I dedicated a monolithic basalt chapel of the kind called naos by egyptologists . Its surfaces were engraved with images and inscriptions representing and explaining the 36 decades , which are the ten - day periods defined by the appearance and disappearance of significant stars called the decans . Observation of the movement of these decans was used to count the night hours . Then , in the 9th century B . C . , the Egyptians attributed these celestial figures with the menacing power of influencing human destiny . When the Greeks later brought to Alexandria an astrology with roots reaching far back in time to the Assyrians and Chaldaeans , the Egyptian decans were introduced as subdivisions of the twelve signs of the zodiac ( which they remained even up to today 's practitioners of astrology ) . Already at the time of the Ptolemies , a number of Alexandrian intellectuals , philosophers and astronomers strove to penetrate the immemorial beliefs which the Egyptian priests were supposed to have gleaned from the god Thot - Hermes Trismegistos for the Greeks . These beliefs then grew further under the Roman domination , elaborating the future occultist and hermetist knowledge which pervaded all through the Middle Ages . During Roman times ( between the 1st and 3rd century A . D . ) , the Naos of the Decades was transferred from Saft to a temple in Canopus , the sacred place of the cult of Serapis and Isis . The subsequent Christianisation of this Canopian hotbed of obstinate resistant to pagan beliefs was difficult and uphill work , ending in the dramatic , violent events which are known . The Christians violently smashed and destroyed the stone chapel which was considered an outstanding example characteristic of pagan idolatry and disturbing demonic " superstitions " … Its fragments were dispersed over a wide area when a major part of the city was submerged ( current research in the bay also hopes to determine more precisely the date of this In 1940 , divers under the direction of Prince Omar Tousson , a pioneer of underwater research in Aboukir Bay , reported the presence of two great slabs of stone representing the rear and the floor of the tabernacle , which were subsequently put into the Greco - roman Museum in Alexandria . The study of the available texts had allowed several scientists to undertake a theoretical reconstitution of the complex iconographic system which sorted and arranged the 36 decades , while the hieroglyphic captions permitted the interpretation of the mysterious figures representing the course of the 36 decans through the night . The notes defining the influence which each decade operated on nature , animals , human communities and individual health , were discovered to be of the same literary style and genre as found in Greek and Latin treatises of the Roman period , but were written in Egyptian hieroglyphs of the 4th century B . C . The stars were then thought to strike the order of Pharaoh 's kingdom and of the various bordering states , which are concepts manifestly absorbed during the contacts between Egypt and Assyria at the turn of the 8th to the 7th century B . C . Museography : the additions collected by Franck Goddio allow first of all to envisage an almost integral restoration of a monument exceptional by its quality and dimensions . Cultural History : In addition , they contribute decisive elements for historians of ancient cultures . The particular way in which the doctrine concerning the deities of the decades has been inserted into the specific geographical and religious reality of Saft as well as into the Egyptian myth of Genesis , is now accessible through a text of a kind which was so far to tally unknown , preserved on one of the numerous fragments . Furthermore , mention of the Medes on another of them determines that the entire document could not have been created before the 5th century B . C . , when Egypt became part of the Persian Empire . The " Naos of the Decades " also tells us that a scholar from the Egyptian province - long before the hellenistic period and outside any reference to the zodiacal cycle - had attributed the same kind of political influence to the celestial deity which had created the decans and controlled the decades , as Assyrian astrologers had attributed to the moon and the planets , a genre unknown to Egyptian hemerologies and menologies . It would indeed be wonderful if further diving could reveal the few pieces still missing . Nevertheless , it will certainly require much time and effort to collate all the inscriptions on the available stones - some of which are heavily corroded - and then undertake the philological research into the precise sense of certain words in the texts , as well as a renewed reflection on the Egyptian concepts concerning the decans . I 'm one of the founders of Goddesschess , which went online May 6 , 1999 . I earned an under - graduate degree in history and economics going to college part - time nights , weekends and summer school while working full - time , and went on to earn a post - graduate degree ( J . D . ) I love the challenge of research , and spend my spare time reading and writing about my favorite subjects , travelling and working in my gardens . My family and my friends are most important in my life . For the second half of my life , I 'm focusing on " doable " things to help local chess initiatives , starting in my own home town . And I 'm experiencing a sort of personal " Renaissance " that is leaving me rather breathless . . .

" Despite the documented evidence of chess historian H . J . R . Murray , I have always thought that chess was invented by a goddess . " George Koltonowski , from Women in Chess , Players of the Modern Game  And then , we walked all the way back to our hotel near the Pra o . I have lots more photos that I took on the march , but I did not take any photographs of the sad Plaza Espana where the statues of Cervantes , Don Quixote and Pancho are located in one part ; they were all blocked off by construction and the Plaza itself was , sadly , loaded with grafitti and litt r . The fountain is still beautiful and the water was n . Even though every single bench in the small park area at the other side of the Plaza was loaded with grafitti people ( including me ) sat on them and appreciated the falling leav s . The air was still warm when we started back ; it felt like autumn rather than Janua Now I 'm ensconced in the hotel room again , even though it 's nice out right now . I fell asleep at 9 : 30 p . m . Madrid time last night and awoke at 2 a . m . I laid in bed for an hour hoping I would drift back off to sleep , to no avail . So I finally got out of bed and read the news , etc . and tried to do some blogging , but blogger just was not cooperating last night - - I should say , early this morning . My poor body doesn 't know if it 's coming or going . Right now my computer is showing Milwaukee time as 8 : 42 a . m . Don wanted to go inside the cathedral . I said absolutely not . He wanted to see what was inside . Pagan iconography , without a doubt . Once you 've seen the inside of one church , you 've seen them all , unless a Black Madonna was lurking about somewhere ( doubtful , we 'd have heard about her , I think ) . I 'm sure the Judeo - Christian god who lives inside this church would have hurled a thunderbolt at me if my foot had crossed the threshhold , goddess - worshipping pagan that I am . No Houses of Yawheh for me , thank you very much . Down the road a piece from the Mighty Cathedral , the Royal Palace . People were milling about and the police were all over , being rather obnoxious , actually . Don suspected an appearance by the King , perhaps something to do with the holiday . I was bored . Directly across from the Royal Palace , a very ritzy area . The parterres are lovely . There are sculptures of ancient kings and rulers of Spain up and down the walks . I did not photograph any of them . The tall building in the distance is the back of the Opera House . In October , 2002 Don and I sat in the hot sun and drank some tall ones with hundreds of other people at tables all over the plaza at the end of the gardens . Today , hardly any tables outside and the ones that were out were blocked off by glass partitions - for diners at a fancy restaurant only . Oh well . Plaza del Sol . Many of the shops were closed today for the Feast of the Three Kings . By Madrid standards , we were out early ( i . e . , before 3 : 00 p . m . ) . Later in the day when we walked through the plaza again headed back to our hotel , it was much more crowded . There were lots of families out today with their children , and many couples strolling . People in Madrid stroll , they don 't march . Plaza Mayor . When I first saw this place in 2002 , it was night and it was sparkling with lights . There were people everywhere , sitting at tables all around the perimeter where there are restaurants and tabernas and many shops . Here are a couple more photos of the Plaza Mayor : This is one of the many churches that are tucked away everywhere in Madrid . I 'm no good at reading Spanish - the only part of its name I could reason out was the first word " Inglesia " - which I think means " English " - but it could mean something else entirely ! We passed this lovely obviously old church as we marched down Calle de Mayor toward the edge of the escarpment . No photos I could take can do this Cathedral justice . It is gigantic and marches down the hill to the edge of the escarpment . To the right begins the grounds of the Royal Palace . in the world . I miss the United States . I miss scrambled eggs and regular coffee that isn 't thick enough to stand on its own without a cup . I miss everything that doesn 't cost a minimum of 10 . 60 euros . Take a look on this map and click on the Prado Museum - that will give you a rough idea of where we are staying in Madrid this trip - our Hostal Gonzalo is just a few blocks ( unfortunately , all up - hill ) from the beginning of the grounds to the Prado Museum , just across the Paseo del Prado to the left , on Calle de Cervantes . We are very close to the Starbucks that faces the Fountain of Jupiter . Now , please click on " City Walls . " That is where we were earlier today - but not for long . Mr . Don wanted to see the Palace area again , and also the Temple De Bod . We inspected the ancient Arab city wall excavations near the edge of what I call " The Escarpment " ( sort of like the area where Tarzan and Jane lived back in Africa in the 1940 's ) that we stumbled upon quite by chance , took photos of the magnificent Almundena Cathedral ( clickable on the map ) , and walked past the Royal Palace ( also clickable ) and the gardens across from the Esplanade , where lots of Policia were buzzing around and ordering people not to cross here or there ( including me ) , and on to the park that houses the lovely Temple of De Bod ( clickable ) , before circling back and landing at the Plaza de Espana ( also clickable ) where the statute dedicated to Cervantes and Don Quixote stands - - unfortunately inaccessible due to construction / renovations ( ? ) . All along the way , we rested when Mr . Don wanted to rest . We saw what Mr . Don wanted to see . Mr . Don ate when he was hungry . Mr . Don drank when he was thirsty . Mr . Don sat his skinny butt down on anything that would hold it whenever he was tired . We left the hotel about 9 : 30 a . m . to get breakfast - - Big Macs and fries at McDonalds near the Atocha Station because , Mr . Don decreed , the little cafe we had a perfectly adequate breakfast at yesterday wasn 't good enough for him . We stopped briefly back at our hotel before heading out about 10 : 30 a . m . to go see what Mr . Don wanted to see because , Mr . Don decreed , he wanted to see some things in the Guide Book I had oh so inconsiderately left back at my hotel room . In fact , today we saw everything that Mr . Don wanted to see , and Mr . Don ate and drank what Mr . Don wanted to eat and drink . Mr . Don rested when he wanted to rest . Mr . Don took the videos and photographs he wanted and also ordered me to take certain photographs that he did not feel like taking because he did not want to wear out his batteries . I also lugged Mr . Don 's video cam in my purse because Mr . Don did not want to be inconvenienced with his back - pack today , and he had too much of a burden carrying his cigarettes and lighter . We arrived back at the hotel exhausted , shortly before 5 : 00 p . m . I stopped on the way back at the little corner grocer just two blocks away and picked up a bottle of wine for 2 . 99 euros - one of the cheapest things to buy in Madrid . I think I need another bottle of cheap Madrid wine , actually . Maybe three more , actually . Mr . Don is sleeping , although right now furniture is being moved overhead and lots of pounding and shouting is taking place overhead and underneath us in the premises in which our Hostal is situated . In fact , it has been taking place since shortly after Mr . Don retired to go take a nap from which , no doubt , he will arise bright eyed and bushy - tailed around 11 : 00 p . m . and expect me to accompany him on a round on nightlife in the City . Guess again , Dude . I have made sure to flush my toilet several times . Mr . Don 's room is separated from mine partially by a closet holding cleaning supplies for the hotel owners , but our bathrooms share a wall that has no sound - proofing in it . I can hear him when he pees and he can , no doubt , hear when I pee , too . I hope he hears me pee out a lot of cheap Madrid vino tonight . Beautiful buildings and plazas abound in Old ( central ) Madrid . We came across a small round plaza and I took several photographs of the buildings - there were at least five calles ( streets , although to be fair , many of them are single - file one - way traffic " lanes " - - like alleys - - rather than streets as we know them in the states ) . We left the Calle de Atocha and walked down - - not sure - - but eventually we ended up walking down Calle de Mayor . Right across the street from these builidings , started the grand edifice of the Bank of Spain - Credit something - or - other . This building is distinct from the Bank of Spain ( a similarly grand edifice ) that is kitty - corner from the Fountain of Cybele , perhaps six blocks from where our hotel is located . I don 't know if you can see them , but yes , those are elephants ' heads acting as korbels on this great Bank of Spain building ! Doesn 't the detailing on this facade just take your breath away ? It sure did mine . I 'm glad to have finally got some photographs of it on my own . The barred doors of the main entry to this particular branch of the Bank of Spain , in all of their wrought - iron glory ! Today , being a national holiday in Spain , all banks and public buildings were closed . I tried to get the sign in the photo just to the right of the doors . These doors are probably - 30 feet tall ? ? ? And wider than I am tall ( 5 ' 3 - 3 / 4 " - - I 'm proud of that extra 3 / 4s of an inch ) . Another view of the magnificent facade of this particular branch ( above the main barred doors ) of the Bank of Spain . Just in case you didn 't know it - I tried to get the photo of the name of banlk in this photo ) . This " branch " is the Banco Espanol de Credito . Oh oh , guess this particular branch hasn 't done very well , has it . . . Another one of the innumerable formerly royal palaces that has been turned into a museum . I don 't remember what this one is called . Mr . Don marched me past it on our way down the Calle de Acala ( I think - after a certain point I just zoned out and went into " endure " mode ) . It sure was a pretty place , I remember that . The proportiions were lovely , even though closed in on both sides by other buildings . I think it houses a collection of fine art now . Sorry , I don 't know it 's name . Atocha is cloaked partly in scaffolding right now , unfortunately , and what I imagine would ordinarily be a lovely approach to the station from a grand plaza is all shuttered all with stupid walls and construction crapola . Oh well . The inside of the station is magnificent ! We didn 't get " down " to this end of the Paseo del Prado to see Atocha Station when we were last here in October , 2002 , but the McDonalds we have taken to visiting during this trip is just a few crosswalks away . We made a point of getting to it yesterday ( January 5 ) early in the day . with steel ( ? ) structure and brick , magnificently tiled roofs and large windows . It 's a beautiful space . In the following photographs , I 'll try to give you a feeling for the grandeur , grace and size of the space ! Much of the first floor under what I believe to be the " original " structure is filled with plants from a tropical rain forest . It is warm and damp ! Mist fills the air ! You look up , up and up and way overhead is a narrow strip of sky . There are four escalators / people movers that take you from the ground floor below to the " top " floor above which opens into a parking structure . People are everywhere , hurrying this way and that or poking around ( like Mr . Don and I were ) , taking photos and pointing and going " oooooh " and " aaaahhhh . " These , we know , are tourists : ) Look ! It really is a train station ! These are arrival and depature times . Sorry for the not very clear shot , I 'm not the best photographer . Beyond those glass doors is a shopping mall , by the way , ladies . In there ( at Mr . Don 's suggestion ) is where I found an electronics place that was able to get me the PROPER current converter to use with my trusty little Acer notebook so it would not burn out using the hot Madrid current . Just wait until I get back home to the downtown OfficeMax and that kid who told me the converter he sold me for about $ 25 was just what I needed to use with my computer . I told him then - I really really did - that if he was wrong and it didn 't work I was going to come back and punch him in the nose . Guess what , dude . You 've got one really really angry old bitch coming after you when I get back to Milwaukee . . . I paid a premium price ( of course ) for what I needed here in Madrid at that particular shop - 49 . 50 euros - you can figure out what that is in U . S . dollars given the exchange rate of about $ 1 . 30 . I could not take the chance that we would stumble upon another electronics store that would have what I needed or that I could find what I needed for any less cost . DAMN DAMN DAMN ! I think my favorite part of the entire station are the birds ! They are flying about here and there , and while I could not actually SEE any nests , I figured they must be nesting in there , because I heared a LOT of birds - - mostly sparrows , but there were some pigeons flying around too . I think the sparrows have nests either inside or behind some of the brick work , and tucked up in those metals " eaves " for sure . Watch out below . . . The Feast of the Three Kings in Madrid is celebrated as a Holy Day and National Holiday on January 6th , but the parade is traditionally held on the night before . Don had read about this parade and wanted to see it , so we made a point . Little did we know ! We ventured out toward the spot where I 'd read that the parade traditionally started ( actually , it ended there ) and about 3 : 40 or so we strolled up to a barricade and were checking things out . Already across from us lines of people four to five deep and many many children . The evening before we had already seen preparations going in place - metal barricades were being trucked in by the score and sound checks were already being made for the stage that was set up in front of the what is either the national telecommunications ministry or the local equivalent of AT & T ! It 's a gorgeous building , whatever its purpose . . . Mr . Don was thirsty and hungry , in that order . I was neither . As the minutes ticked on and more and more people crowed in around us , we realized that we held down a prized piece of territory and Mr . Don opted for some of my bottled water . We held our ground . I was sure the parade must start at 5 p . m . Already it was apparent that thousands of parents and their children had arrived hours before to hold down the first spots along the barricaded parade route . More and more people crowded around us , some with children . I don 't mind the children , but I did mind pushy parents trying to mow me over as if I didn 't exist ! Mostly , though , the crowd was very well behaved , particularly the children who , one and all , put the " adults " to shame . The entire time we were there ( from 3 : 40 p . m . until we started to work out way backward through the stubborn crowd about 8 : 15 p . m . , I did not hear a single child throw a temper tantrum or even exhibit much distress . Too bad I can 't say the same for some of the adults around us . The hours ticked by . The actual " festivities " did not even begin until 6 p . m . - with a stage show . We did not recognize the young entertainers but I think they were the Madrid equivalent of " The Kids from Wisconsin " - you know the type , wholesome and big - voiced but not necessarily very talented . . . Well , we stuck it out . And we 'll no doubt pay for it tomorrow . At some point I could no longer feel my feet . And then my left knee went totally numb . . . Poor Mr . Don was affected even more , which surprised me , because I think I 'm in overall worse shape than he is ; but our long flight , and he knotted up in that seat for so long - - it took its toll . Anyway , he shot several videos of the parade action before we decided to try to leave . " TRY " is the operative word . There must have been at least 300 , 000 people packed into the area around the Fountain of Cybele , where Calle de Acala , the Gran Via and the Paseo del Prado all meet , as well as up and down the parade route , and even more down along the Paseo del Prado . It was a sight , but not something I ever want to go through again ! EVER ! Most of the people made no effort at all to try and move even slightly so that we could work out way toward the sidewalk . A few gracious people did - - and many of them wished us luck in English ! I had some luck at first leading the way and saying constantly " excuse , excuse " and then Mr . Don took the lead . We lucked out when we hit a stream of people with children who were also trying to leave and we followed along behind them , and then other people followed along behind us . It was a " Conga line " of sorts , but very serious , for the crowd was crushing . I can 't imagine what it must have felt like for a young one in a stroller , having already been knee high in people for most of five or more hours ! At last , after at least 20 minutes of hard work and trying not to offend anyone by stepping on them or knocking them over or giving them an elbow in the gut ( much as a few deserved it ! ) , we got our feet into the beginnings of the Gran Via , and made a " run " for it - well , at least as fast as the crowd would allow . As far as I could see up ( down ? ) the Gran Via , people everywhere ! But there was room to walk , and even as we headed away from the crowd still lined up to watch the final float of the parade - the Three Kings - more people started joining us on the escape route ! The first side street we saw , blessedly clear of traffic - we took a hard left and headed toward the Calle de Cervantes and our hostal ! Mr . Don was hungry and wanted to eat . I just wanted to go back to the hotel . We first headed to the little cafe across from the hostal where we 'd eaten breakfast that morning , but he had already closed down for the night . Then we headed back to a taberna we 'd passed along the way , right around the corner , but Mr . Don said they were too expensive . I said let 's go back to the hotel . He said let 's get a pizza . So I follow him along up Calle de Cervantes and then into - I forget - but we had visited the street earlier in the morning ( gee , it seems like a lifetime ago ! ) and there were at least a dozen restaurants / tabernas / " pizza " places along the way . We stopped at the very first one that didn 't look very promising to me but Mr . Don looked at the posted menu and said " they have pizzas for 10 euros " and so we went in . And had excellent service and an excellent meal . As we sat and enjoyed our beer ( Mr . Don ) and wine ( me ) and then our Marghereta - style pizza , more and more people trickled in . Soon , the place went from nearly empty to nearly half - full , and the single young and friendly waitress who spoke English fairly well was running ( literally ! ) to serve people . From what I could tell , though , the entire staff in the place , which consisted of a cook and a young male all - around helper , were also working their butts off . The pizza was delicious . The wine was good , and Mr . Don said his draft beer ( we have no idea what brand it was ) was very tasty , too . I ordered a second glass of wine . Then we ordered cafe con leche and dessert ( a sort of crepe with chocolate drizzled over it , very tasty , and served warm , not hot ) . Our entire meal was less than 26 euros . We left a western - style tip ( nearly 20 % ) , and the waitress was very happy . She and the other workers deserved a good tip , more than the usual 5 % that might ( or might not ) typically be left . They gave us great unobtrusive service - and were very good to us with our fumbling mostly non - existent Spanish ( I resort mostly to pointing at the menu - for shame , Jan ! ) Another looooooonnnnnnnggggggg day in Spain . Tomorrow most things will be closed . I expect Mr . Don and I will walk around and take a lot more photos and videos , and plan our day trip to Toledo . More later , but probably not tonight . I 'm still torn between Milwaukee time ( currently 6 : 06 p . m . and Madrid time , which is 7 hours later , so it 's 13 : 06 a . m . - or something like that . . . ) Time to get some sleep ! Our flight was long and bumpy - lots of turbulance - but uneventful . Iberia Airlines fed us well ; the entertainment wasn 't anything to write home about , a movie about a fighting robot or something - I didn 't watch it , I tried to sleep ( not very successfully ) . Our flight touched down at 7 : 20 a . m . Madrid time and it was pitch black outside - no daylight savings time here . O ' Hare Airport decorated for the holidays 1 / 3 / 12 .  The new airport is gigantic and a monstrosity of " modern " architecture , which means lots of glass and steel everywhere and glaring white . It 's ugly and cold looking , and like everything else seemingly in Madrid this time of year , greatly over - heated . Geez ! No energy crisis in this country - or if there is , they don 't care . Our hotel rooms are hot , restaurants are hot , the airport was hot ! Yes , it is cold and damp in the mornings , about freezing or a little below ; but by 3 p . m . it 's warmed up into the 50 's and people are walking around in hoodies . Yesterday afternoon after a nap between about 12 and 3 ( we 're doing the same today except right now I 'm doing this instead of trying to catch some sleep ) it was beautiful out and the streets were packed with people . We hiked down Paseo del Prado to Calle de Atocha and then headed up the hill to Retiro Park grounds , which spread behind the Paseo del Prado from Calle de Atocha all the way to Calle de Alcala . There were lots of families with children ( out of school for the holidays ) as well as tourists from all over ( we heard lots of different languages ) strolling about the park grounds that features lovely views . It smelled like autumn in the air , not winter . It 's impossible to describe the impact this artifact has when seeing it in person and up close . It was not enclosed in glass and so you were able to get your nose very close in to look at the heiroglyphic inscriptions - - but not touching . Information from the Franck Goddio Society Website : In the 4th century B . C . , in the township of Saft on the eastern border of the Nile Delta , Pharaoh Nectanebo I dedicated a monolithic basalt chapel of the kind called naos by egyptologists . Its surfaces were engraved with images and inscriptions representing and explaining the 36 decades , which are the ten - day periods defined by the appearance and disappearance of significant stars called the decans . Observation of the movement of these decans was used to count the night hours . Then , in the 9th century B . C . , the Egyptians attributed these celestial figures with the menacing power of influencing human destiny . When the Greeks later brought to Alexandria an astrology with roots reaching far back in time to the Assyrians and Chaldaeans , the Egyptian decans were introduced as subdivisions of the twelve signs of the zodiac ( which they remained even up to today 's practitioners of astrology ) . Already at the time of the Ptolemies , a number of Alexandrian intellectuals , philosophers and astronomers strove to penetrate the immemorial beliefs which the Egyptian priests were supposed to have gleaned from the god Thot - Hermes Trismegistos for the Greeks . These beliefs then grew further under the Roman domination , elaborating the future occultist and hermetist knowledge which pervaded all through the Middle Ages . During Roman times ( between the 1st and 3rd century A . D . ) , the Naos of the Decades was transferred from Saft to a temple in Canopus , the sacred place of the cult of Serapis and Isis . The subsequent Christianisation of this Canopian hotbed of obstinate resistant to pagan beliefs was difficult and uphill work , ending in the dramatic , violent events which are known . The Christians violently smashed and destroyed the stone chapel which was considered an outstanding example characteristic of pagan idolatry and disturbing demonic " superstitions " … Its fragments were dispersed over a wide area when a major part of the city was submerged ( current research in the bay also hopes to determine more precisely the date of this In 1940 , divers under the direction of Prince Omar Tousson , a pioneer of underwater research in Aboukir Bay , reported the presence of two great slabs of stone representing the rear and the floor of the tabernacle , which were subsequently put into the Greco - roman Museum in Alexandria . The study of the available texts had allowed several scientists to undertake a theoretical reconstitution of the complex iconographic system which sorted and arranged the 36 decades , while the hieroglyphic captions permitted the interpretation of the mysterious figures representing the course of the 36 decans through the night . The notes defining the influence which each decade operated on nature , animals , human communities and individual health , were discovered to be of the same literary style and genre as found in Greek and Latin treatises of the Roman period , but were written in Egyptian hieroglyphs of the 4th century B . C . The stars were then thought to strike the order of Pharaoh 's kingdom and of the various bordering states , which are concepts manifestly absorbed during the contacts between Egypt and Assyria at the turn of the 8th to the 7th century B . C . Museography : the additions collected by Franck Goddio allow first of all to envisage an almost integral restoration of a monument exceptional by its quality and dimensions . Cultural History : In addition , they contribute decisive elements for historians of ancient cultures . The particular way in which the doctrine concerning the deities of the decades has been inserted into the specific geographical and religious reality of Saft as well as into the Egyptian myth of Genesis , is now accessible through a text of a kind which was so far to tally unknown , preserved on one of the numerous fragments . Furthermore , mention of the Medes on another of them determines that the entire document could not have been created before the 5th century B . C . , when Egypt became part of the Persian Empire . The " Naos of the Decades " also tells us that a scholar from the Egyptian province - long before the hellenistic period and outside any reference to the zodiacal cycle - had attributed the same kind of political influence to the celestial deity which had created the decans and controlled the decades , as Assyrian astrologers had attributed to the moon and the planets , a genre unknown to Egyptian hemerologies and menologies . It would indeed be wonderful if further diving could reveal the few pieces still missing . Nevertheless , it will certainly require much time and effort to collate all the inscriptions on the available stones - some of which are heavily corroded - and then undertake the philological research into the precise sense of certain words in the texts , as well as a renewed reflection on the Egyptian concepts concerning the decans . I 'm one of the founders of Goddesschess , which went online May 6 , 1999 . I earned an under - graduate degree in history and economics going to college part - time nights , weekends and summer school while working full - time , and went on to earn a post - graduate degree ( J . D . ) I love the challenge of research , and spend my spare time reading and writing about my favorite subjects , travelling and working in my gardens . My family and my friends are most important in my life . For the second half of my life , I 'm focusing on " doable " things to help local chess initiatives , starting in my own home town . And I 'm experiencing a sort of personal " Renaissance " that is leaving me rather breathless . . .

Truth is , I love you like you 're my brother . And I respect you . And I think that as a cop you have a lot of courage to do what you do - a lot of willingness and self - sacrifice . I 'm grateful to have those kinds of things in my friends . Thank you . I was not a bad person because I belonged to what I have always thought was a bad system ; no , in fact I think I was a good teacher . I think I earned the respect of my students and their parents . I think I changed lives . But I also think the public schooling system is a horrendous way to educate our children . I did not take it personally , then , as a harm to myself , when someone slammed the public education system ; instead I had to listen with an open mind , then go on teaching as best I could , even if I agreed with them . It is very complicated and nuanced , this position of maintaining unity between us while having such different views , but I suppose all that 's to be expected . Here we are , the descendants of powerful people , who because of this power cannot see our history well . Our nation does not know how to handle the past , either . We don 't know how to grieve the horrors of the past and move forward from the conquering and colonization of peoples whose suffering we gained from . We turn a blind eye on how , say , we " evacuated " Oklahoma of First Nations people in order to give it away to white Americans . We do not think twice about redlining and how Black Americans have been kept from building wealth ; we demonize the poor descendants of once - conquered peoples while forgetting the genocide and enslavement that fortified our ability to produce wealth through " good , honest hard work . " And when echoes of these injustices grow loud , we scramble to silence the past . I think you and I disagree about these things . Even so , I 'm mostly comfortable with our disagreement , though of course I wish you 'd be persuaded to see things my way , since at bottom I believe what I see is closer to justice - justice which hopes for your partnership . Still , I hope to refrain from fostering an " apartness " between us , and from sustaining poor critical reasoning between friends , so I accept our disagreements for the most part . The professor was a legal historian who lectured through the history of racism by showing how American laws had built bias and oppression into the foundations of our country . It was an incredibly insightful semester , one that caused me to doubt the history I had memorized , or at least the angles of heroism I had once learned to love . Sure , over the years I 'd heard rumors of " Your American heroes aren 't all they 're cracked up to be , " but I 'd never really sat down to study the other side . Because " white " is fake , is a fantasy , is the result of a demand to be powerful because 17th - century Virginian lawmakers made it so . This myth has been very powerful for me and for American culture as a whole . And it has caused so much suffering . And it persists as a social reality even though it 's a scientific fiction . This was the most interesting and upsetting question I had going in my head for a few months . Because , growing up , I ( passively , unreflectively ) thought the Civil Rights Movement was a discrete movement - with a beginning and an end . And I think that , while I 'd never asked the question before , I believed the Civil Rights Movement had ended when Martin Luther King was killed , or I guess I just sort of assumed that 's when it ended . And I also believed - not outright , but implicitly , passively , unreflectively - that the Movement had been a success : MLK had " won . " MLK was the " good guy " who had beat bad racism . He got a holiday on his birthday like Lincoln and Washington . He was in my history books in black & white pictures , proving his victories were from long ago and I didn 't need to worry about them . He was celebrated and allowed into the fold of great Americans . So we totally understood his message and realized the Dream , I thought . The backwardness of that thought didn 't hit me for a long time , until I intentionally sought out answers . How did his assassination end racism ? Wasn 't his assassination instead evidence that racism was alive and well ? A very powerful part of my coming to believe this was that I had , for years and years , taught MLK 's " Letter from Birmingham Jail " to my writing students , but I began to see something new in it . The letter itself is a beautiful appeal to the white clergy in Birmingham who had written an open Letter to the Editor criticizing MLK 's presence and actions in Birmingham . They said he was " untimely " and " unwise . " They talked about how he should wait and how justice , in God 's time , would come about . ( They were much like the white liberals who booed the BLM activists as they disrupted Bernie Sanders 's speech : sympathetic with the aims but against their means - but more on that soon . ) White people telling Black people what 's up about Black experience , about Black expression , about Black protest : it looks very familiar to me . And it made me believe that now I lived in a time of a new ( or continuing but newly vigorous ) Civil Rights Movement . And history told me that the most reliable people about Black suffering were not white people in power , but the Black people who were suffering . That is , I give credibility to and trust the voices who shouted out , who cried out , whose only form of " evidence " in their arguments were things like , " If he 'd been white the police officer never would have … " And when I replay scenarios ( like Trayvon Martin & Mike Brown & Ezell Ford , etc . ) in my head , now with white men being stopped instead , I find that I can only agree . Their point of view comes from their experience ; the only thing that has changed is … I believe them . This is pretty uncomfortable for me to realize about myself , because I find I 've been complicit . I am part of the problem . And this breaks my heart . The mythology leading me there is powerful , though not always this obvious . And I have to realize that . I have to learn to doubt myself , and my formal education , and ( even my implicit ) beliefs about race . So I found new people to teach me . Cornel West was one of those . I heard him speak at CSULA ( where Black Lives Matter LA cofounder Melina Abdullah is chair of the Pan African Studies department ) to defend to the president of the university why Pan African Studies ought to be among the General Education requirements for all students - not just a major or minor or set of electives . It was the most stirring lecture I 'd ever listened to . " Anybody who thinks they can understand Modernity - not just Malcolm X , but John Coltrane , W . E . B . Dubois , E . Franklin Frazier , Duke Ellington , Ella Baker , Fannie Lou Hamer , Angela Davis , Curtis Mayfield , Donny Hathaway , Nina Simone , The Dramatics and The Whispers - if you think you can understand America , if you think you can understand the modern world , if you think you can understand what it means to be human without Black Studies , the doings and sufferings of Africans in the New World , it means you haven 't had a strong enough commitment to truth and justice . " ( The true speech , after the introductions and thank - yous , begins at 35 : 00 . ) But I 'd only ever understood Modernity through Descartes , Locke , Kant , Jefferson , Pound , Eliot , Wolfe , Stein , etc . I 'd only ever seen my history through white ideas , not through Black suffering . Black people had never entered into it , except as they appeared in my college electives , like in classes called " The Harlem Renaissance . " If West was right , though , I needed a stronger commitment to truth and justice - and I had plenty to learn , especially since I didn 't know many of the names on his list . This insight hurt me . I 'd compartmentalized the ideas of white men from the sufferings forced on Blackness . And I hadn 't seen that they belonged to one another inextricably . King cried out against an unjust system . Black Lives Matter does , too . And if the system itself is unjust , we can 't demand that they go through the system to prove its being unjust , though that 's what the white clergy had argued - " Don 't disrupt , " " Use legal means , " " What 's legal is just , " things like that - which is reasoning that loses its traction after a few paragraphs but for some reason has held on in the courts and in the media even until today . But because we know they were , we also know that the system had something wrong with it . The BLM movement is responding to the same kind of thing , since lynching was once sanctioned by the state . In the same way , we know that unjust but " reasonable force " is also sanctioned by the state , among many other evils . So we have to appeal to something bigger than the system - that is , we have to appeal to justice - in order to bring about change , which is what the protesters are up to . To put this in Christian terms - they belong to a prophetic movement . But prophets are only recognizable as prophetic … in retrospect . Still , before history shows them to be prophetic in the past , prophets had to be trusted ( or else exiled ) in the present . To participate in justice , then - again , in Christian terms - I first have to admit that I 'm more like Pharaoh than I am like Moses ; it 's my job to listen to Moses , to trust him - not to critique his message . While I am uncomfortable , then , when I demonstrate in the streets ( I have heard people say things I disagree with ; I have marched alongside communists and anarchists ; I have marched alongside Black Lives Matter activists being indicted for felonies ; I do not agree with all of everyone 's goals , nor do I think I gain - among my friends and family - anything from their reputations ) , still , I think this is a prophetic movement . This message is , in the end , peace and justice - God 's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven . I should not , then , critique the BLM movement as much as I ought to learn from it . And even if I did criticize the movement , the burden of proof is on me - is on power , on Pharaoh - not on Moses . The burden of proof does not belong to those - as it has in the past - who cry out , " I suffer ! " but on those whose response has been , " Yes , but your real problem is … " Let 's remember , protests come in all shapes and sizes , including the destruction of property - and we ought to abide in the distinction between violence and the destruction of property , while looking compassionately at those who " explode " in places like Baltimore last spring . The passive bus boycott worked ( for a little while ) in the 1950s . But the Boston Tea Party is praised in American history , which included the destruction of property . And Jesus cleared the Temple , which also included the destruction of property . And the Underground Railroad was , after all , according to the laws then , outright theft , and yet we 're in favor of it . Sometimes people march in the streets ; sometimes they strike ; sometimes they chain themselves to trees ; sometimes they dangle from bridges to stop ships from passing ; sometimes the " occupy " Wall Street ; sometimes they intentionally busy phone lines ; sometimes they tweet or share videos on Facebook . Some of these protests qualify as what you called " sabotage " ; others you may approve of and call " civil disobedience . " We like to pick and choose our protests : we like the students protesting in Tiananmen Square , but we condemn BLM protesters blocking the 405 freeway . ( But this is where I try to make a distinction : I do not believe that peace is the absence of violence , but the presence of shalom - which is putting things to rights . Shalom is the word that makes brothers of justice and peace , so that " No justice , no peace ! " is not a chant to make threats , but an ontological crying out , a call for shalom . I believe that today , when the government calls for " peace , " they really mean " silence . " And authorities appeal to MLK - i . e . , " Martin Luther King would not have demonstrated like they did in Ferguson " - as a way to silence the prophetic disruption whose goal is true peace , true shalom . ) So I do not think that BLM should have to be " respectable , " since the burden of proof is not on them anymore . It has been too long - the data has long been available , the stories have long been told , the laws have too long been changed while systemic racism remains - for the burden of proof still to be on Black America . They are tired and angry and demanding equality . And they should get it , even if they have to raise their voices . When I reread the " Letter from Birmingham Jail , " I see that the most beautiful paragraph , the most heartbreaking , is the paragraph where King describes why it 's no longer time to wait , but time to act . I find this paragraph - its message , its emotional relevance - is still true today , only it 's been put on hold another fifty years . We are hearing the same responses from power today as we read in history books , and yet we are only able to recognize prophetic imagination in MLK in retrospect ; we must have the courage to name prophetic imagination in our own day , and belong to the present Kingdom movement . Otherwise , being more like Pharaoh than Moses , we might face the plagues - or as Langston Hughes wrote , " What happens to a Dream deferred ? // … does it explode ? " Even so , Black Lives Matter is a movement of nonviolent direct action , much like King 's , though even members in the movement have warned against demanding " the next King , " since protest is something to engage in , learn from , and progress over generations . I have talked with and demonstrated with and partnered with some of BLM 's leaders , including Jasmine Richards , Shamell Bell , Melina Abdullah , and Patrisse Cullors ( who appears in this video of a nonviolent , ongoing , creative protest ) . They are amazing , wise , driven , creative people who deserve our respect without their needing to be " respectable . " Instead , they 're creative disruptors responding to - and teaching so many others how to respond to - real injustices in a way that speaks truth to power , but nonviolently , through creative direct action . At the same time , I think we ought to remind ourselves that prophetic voices have a long history of being so strange as to warrant ( from the point of view of the powerful ) their assassinations , their being driven out , their being despised , their being on the margins . I 'm reminded of Moses , Nathan , Elijah , Hosea , Amos , Jeremiah , John the Baptist , Jesus , Paul : speaking truth to power is never soft on power , and it comes at the cost of one 's reputation and often one 's life . Power hates the prophetic imagination and will do what it can to silence it . And Richards , Bell , Abdullah , and Cullors ( among many others ) , as far as I can tell , are doing it right - doing it with anger , sure ( even our prophets were angry ) , but doing it in the name of love and justice . They are unbelievably , unapologetically , beautifully , bravely acting in and for the Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven . And it 's my honor to have joined them as much as I have so far . I find it my first job , then , to grow in compassion . I have to " un - become " racist even while I have become an anti - racist activist . ( And I have to become the kind of person who doesn 't need to do the computation of " If he was white the police wouldn 't have … " ) . These are my first moves , but they happen simultaneously with my activism . My actions cannot wait for my unconscious bias to catch up ; I have to move forward . I was recently a part of a panel along these lines . We watched a PBS documentary called American Denial ( which , by the way , I couldn 't recommend more highly - it 's so tremendously important and good , filled with great thinkers and writers like Michelle Alexander and john powell ( also here ) ; other thinkers and leaders , like Rev . Osagyefo Sekou , singing here a song that moves me deeply , are also worth listening to ; Vincent Harding , John Lewis , Alicia Garza are all voices that belong to this chorus ) . We had a panel in which I confessed my complicity in white supremacy , my passive but harmful beliefs , and yet my commitment to name and overcome my biases . Today , I try to show how power might partner with this prophetic movement . We have so many examples in history of those who failed to hear the greater message , who missed the forest for the trees , and I want to help people see the forest . Which is why my friend Justin Campbell and I cofounded The Just Love Coalition , and why we continue to find ways to be active in the name of racial equity , even though I 've still got so much to learn . Again , we may disagree . I understand that . And maybe after all these words here you still aren 't persuaded ; maybe nothing has changed between us . But allow me to name what I see , even so : you are my friend , and a cop , and a Christian , someone I love and admire - and I am a new activist who has allied with the movement for Black lives . We are on different sides of the issue , something that has begun to touch both of our lives deeply . I appreciate that our disagreements may tempt us to part ways or grow resentment between us , but I also hope to remain united to my friend , my brother . Thank you for listening to me . I look forward to listening to you . My family was pulled apart by lust : years of lust , generations of lust . So I grew up in two homes . In one home I woke up in my bed on school mornings ; the other I visited two Saturdays each month , and Uncle Chris and I used the extra blankets and pillows they kept for us . In both places we heard and saw so much very loud anger , and in both homes there was secret quiet lust , and soon everyone moved apart from everyone else . Uncle Chris and I went largely neglected . Because the odds are the odds . We hardly have a one - in - three shot of making it through together . This is the most uncomfortable truth I know . For example , I have now lived with both of you longer than my own father lived with me . The first time I realized this - that , living with Jonah , I 'd out - lasted my dad 's time living with me - I was alone in the house as I picked up after you , on the phone with your mom while you and she were out running errands . Your mom and I were talking about what our plans were for the day , and while we talked I found one of Jonah 's toy swords in the bathroom , stuck through the handles of a cabinet , as though you 'd trapped a monster hiding in there . You 'd left the sword there , I imagined , and went off to play one of a hundred other games you play . I pulled the sword out of the cabinet 's handles , laughing at first . I told your mom what I 'd found and I said to her , " There must have been a dragon in the bathroom this morning . Jonah was busy being a hero before breakfast . " Then I thought how my own father did not know my daily games at this , your age , that he never saw daily evidence of my own Hero Movements throughout the house . So , on the phone with your mom , I began to sob , and I couldn 't talk anymore . She didn 't quite know what to make of it - because I 'd just been laughing about how beautiful it was . A wise poet , though , taught me that from my wounds my compassion grows up . And I 've seen that from my wounds , I write stories . I look deeply into my hurt : into the hurts I 've felt , and hurts I 've caused , and hurts I 'm capable of causing still . These teach me how to write , but they also teach me to love and forgive my fathers generously , and to pray for them , and to hold them close to me when I see them and say , " It 's good to see you . I love you . " But I am Dad . I am All The World 's Answers . I am Security . I am Tallest . I am Strongest . I am Smartest . ( But of us only I know today that I am Full Of Shit . ) So I thought . I was quiet . I 've read some about this , and I 've heard smart people have discussions about this . So I tried . And I gave you two words . I gave you the word Creation : Creation , I said , is the whole world God made . All living things . All trees and rocks and mountains and dirt and sun . All oceans and sky and wind and rain and cold and hot . Our house is Culture , I told you , because we took Creation and made something of it . You seemed to understand pretty soon and I felt like a pretty good dad , a good teacher , a smart someone you loved and trusted . You pointed at the dogs and you said , " Creation ! " You pointed at the couch and kitchen table and you said , " Culture ! " Of course , I was ripping off Andy Crouch , someone whose book I hope you read someday . But that 's exactly the point : How do I take my knowledge , my wonder , my questions , my doubt , my hurt , my love , my compassion , and then get them into my child when he asks , " Did God make this house ? " How do I give you Plato 's tripartite soul when you don 't want to take a bath but have to ; or measure the Teacher of Ecclesiastes against Aristotle , then unify their ethics for you ; or do I let you fall down or do I keep you from falling down , or both , and when ; or when do I have to keep up playing Hard - faced Dad , or when do I give in and just give you another damn scoop of ice cream ; or when do I apologize , or change my mind , or explain myself , or say , " Because I said so " ; or when do I just hold you as you cry ? These questions will go unanswered here . The point is not to answer them , but to show them to you , and again to remind you that , in truth , the odds of me staying in this family to discover the answers together - they 're low odds . It 's a sad truth . It 's a truth that shows us the horrors this world can contain . So now I look at you , Jonah and Simon , and it occurs to me to ask : Are you Creation , or are you Culture ? And I find that , to me , you are both : God made you , and your mother and I make you . You are God 's work , God 's Creation , given to us to make something of . And today , I 'm doing my part , as far as I know how , to make Culture of you , to help form you , with you , even as you are precious without me . So this is one last word : Every day when I remind myself of our terrible odds of staying together , and when I begin by first seeing the fact that I am broken in just the same ways my fathers were broken - I understand that I have an option to choose Resentment . If I want to , I can remember and abide in what my fathers did not give me . I could , if I wanted to , hold it against them for hurting me . And I could sustain those feelings . Some days I have chosen to abide in anger . I have thought about my father 's decision to leave us , about his choosing the pleasures a woman gave him over the thick rich deep roots we , his family , should have grown about him , his choosing to raise her kids rather than his own sons . So instead , on most days , given our terrible odds of staying together , and given that I have no good business being among you outside of Spirit 's movement among us , I remind myself that I am broken in just the same ways my fathers were . Then I choose to see what I can be grateful for . Because I am broken - so hurt and so hurtful - I can grow compassion and forgiveness for them , and I can be grateful . And while I could expose you to the same story I used to live within , a story I grew up in , a story I don 't want you to live within or grow up in , I can choose instead to be grateful for the willingness to move against that story . I have been taught to seek out Spirit , to open myself to Spirit , and to find and name and move within my gratitude . Today , rather than remain angry that my father did not know me as I know you , I am instead grateful to know you , grateful to hear the sounds of your laughs , grateful to remind you that , No , communion juice after the service is not punch ; grateful to run my fingers over your hair and face ; grateful to watch you wrestle , and jump , and be shy , and sleep . I am grateful to be with you when you cry and scream and throw tantrums . I am grateful for your disobedience . I am grateful for your need . I am grateful for your vulnerability . I am grateful to comfort you when you 're afraid . At my church for the past few weeks , we 've been observing Lent and meditating on the ( new ) Stations of the Cross . I 've helped organize and facilitate some of that . Below are the meditations I wrote for this week , the final week of Lent - Abel , dead and cold in a field , had been Adam & Eve 's innocent son . And Abraham bound Isaac to the altar . And Jacob for years lost Joseph to the wilderness . And ten thousand mothers of ten thousand murdered boys cried out to God in Egypt . And Bathsheba 's baby died very soon . And David wept for Absalom . And Job and his wife , what but the whirlwind was left for them after the quake ? - And you , Mary . You lose your child , too . You kept him safe from Herod once but now you watch his body suffer , bleed out , die . What hopeful secrets does He keep from you , Mary , and what horror does He allow you to abide in ? You belong to the Story ; your sacrifice is your people 's Story - and now you bear its weight . The Kingdom comes but you don 't know it yet . So let yourself be held . Move into the arms of this beloved disciple . It is no consolation , I know , but the LORD gives you this body to writhe against , to weep into , to suffer alongside you . Love upholds you still . So can it be , Mary ? Blessed be the Name , even now ? Will you say it with me , Mary ? - will you bless His Name with me , even so ? " Father , into your hands I commend my spirit , " Jesus said . What can I commend to God ? Not even my time on Facebook . Not my morning coffee . Not my impatience . Not my wife 's emotions , nor my own . Not my anxiety . Not my desire to control . I cannot commend into His hands my desire to be best , to be noticed , to be liked , to impress . But these are what He requires in the Kingdom . I 'm to be a vessel of His Kingdom , not of my small loud will . So I close my eyes . And I practice . Father , into your hands I commend this breath . And this one . And this one again . I breathe You in , my Father , and I breathe me out . I take your Spirit within me like these filled - up lungs , like this blood that stirs throughout my body . I breathe in your Likeness , your Spirit . I join my breath to yours . One breath at a time . Into your hands , my Father , my Creator , I commend this breath . And this one . And this one again . As you lie prostrate on the cold hard ground your body feels the earth against itself , this God - made earth , so big , so full of love and death , now against your chest , now beneath your belly , now pressed even to your cheeks . This is not an insight ; it is a practice . Your body , your only true possession , rests upon the earth . You can smell its wildness . You can hear its generations of passing life , this great muted groan singing to you as through layers of mud . When you are dead you are like the mud . You are a once - a - song returned to the mud . You are a once - a - song that became silenced by the mud . It is the Way of the world . Even God becomes like the mud . He joins you - for you . His body becomes like the layers of mud and contains for a moment all these muted songs . Alive , He was so beautiful a vessel ; dead , He becomes like the mud . Listen . Stay here on the ground until creation sings to you through the mud . Stay quiet . The world is singing . Press your ear to the earth . Listen to the silent groaning music . Join your God in the mud . Join your voice to His beautiful - to His terrible song . We are tired . And we hurt . And we twist inwardly . In the evening , before bed ; while we sleep and dream or stay awake alone ; while we wake in the morning , eat , shower , arrive ; and even now as we gather in your Name : there is this Something and this Something Else . And if I pay attention I can feel them moving . I worry and I fear and I plot and I fight and I grow bored and I complain and I doubt and I gossip and I eat too much and I desire and I grow proud and I hide and I agree with my disappointments and I hope and I trust : apart from the Name . I understand that I want you and I do not know how to want you . I fear you and I go on being afraid . I return to you and I continue in my exile . I am foolish . I am your beloved . Still , you have come - you , voice of creation ; you , Passover lamb ; you , Bread in the desert ; you , Messiah . You wash my feet . You break yourself open . You pour yourself out . Because of you - even while we do not know ourselves , even while we do not know what we are doing , even while we fumble around like badly told jokes - even so , we gather in your Name . You say , This is my body . You say , This is my blood . You say , Remember me . So we try . We do what we can . - But give us your Spirit ; help us do what we cannot do . Chase us . Bug us . Haunt us . Woo us . Help us love , and trust , and pray - according to the Name . What are these sounds of curse , this music that teaches me the weight of curse : that darkness , that apartness , that despair , these slow sad movements , these notes so far apart from each other . Yes , you love your people . But when they - when we - do not abide in the Way , when we leave , rob , keep for ourselves what belongs to you : we become a curse . So I read aloud . And the music is here . And the curse is all around me , is in my ears , is filling me up : voices singing longing , voices singing destruction . You show me the way of my darkness . You surround me with curse . Its weight is unbearable . It enters my body and it moves throughout my body . I am filled with it . I am crushed by the curse . I am under the curse . So I join your people . I am with them , thousands of years ago . I am among them . And we are selfish . And we have robbed you . And we are afraid . And we are desperate . And we are apart from you . Even while we rob you and turn away from you , even now while we are a curse : still we are your children . Still you promise Elijah , the gift of John the Baptist . Still you promise the DAY OF THE LORD , the gift of your Son . Still you promise reconciliation , the gift of your heart turned towards me , of my heart turned towards you . My family are Latinos , which means that even though the invitation to the Mongolian Barbeque says 6 : 30 PM ( just thirty minutes before our one - year - old usually goes off to sleep ) , they begin to show well after 7 : 15 PM , except us , except us , since a few weeks earlier we were eating at the Italian place , to wish my mother and stepfather well , to say goodbyes before they went off to Italy for three months , that restaurant owned by an expert Italian chef from Egypt , where the food was perfect but the kids went nuts , screaming , throwing food , pounding the table , spilling drinks , finding seven hundred ways to ruin a nice evening at an Italian restaurant , so that we received from other patrons ( and gave right back to them ) all kinds of dirty looks , so that even this old lady told my one - year - old nephew , " My God . Can 't you just shut up ? " and I gave her a long , cold What the fuck , grandma , you wanna start something ? stare , until she quietly went back to drinking her old lady 's milk with her old lady 's pills . So , tonight , when my brother invites us out to dinner at the Mongolian Barbeque at 6 : 30 PM , we show up early , very early for Latinos , at 6 : 00 PM , and we feed our kids , and we stuff our faces , and we wait around like a bunch of idiot gringos for the Latinos to show up . Does this strategy work ? Almost . By the time the peoples of Ecuador arrive to eat , our kids have already eaten , are therefore not grumpy , and we believe we , the parents , are in control . We believe we are geniuses , that this night is an enormous success . And we look around to confirm that there are no old ladies to intimidate . But the peoples of Ecuador have brought their children , and these children see my children , and they play with my children , and , now that it 's getting late for children , this evening at the Mongolian Barbeque becomes like a slumber party , with screaming and running and strange secret games long into the night . And Jonah , my three - year - old , who can blame him , who can say it could go any other way , gets himself into some trThe past few days , I have been thinking about that night , about how rich and beautiful it was , about how my son taught me about honesty , and love , and the sickness of my inward life , how he taught me about my God who loves me and forgives me and abides even in my sickness . And then something else came to mind , an old student , Robin Dembroff , who , just before graduation , was inducted into the college 's honors society . She asked me to be the one to induct her into it , so I did . And this is the speech I wrote to do it : Robin Dembroff is the smartest student I have taught , the one I thought about when , preparing for class , my anxiety would rise about my whether I know … more than they know . All professors know this feeling , know those moments : moments of faking it , of saying " I don 't know " in four - syllable words , of believing that any second now the game is up , moments of , " How long do I have look up and away , and say ' ontological ' and ' soteriology ' - so I can just - get - out - of - this ? " It was her face I saw , her questions I imagined , her possible objections or obscure facts that made me afraid . She is very smart , the best kind of student . And every teacher she 's had knows it . In this regard , then , she belongs in the EKE . And for this she deserves our recognition , deserves this ceremony , deserves my personal and heartfelt congratulations : Congratulations , Robin . This is a big deal . A wonderful achievement . Thank you for being so smart , for taking so much time , for devoting yourself to such difficult questions , for being such a good writer and thinker , for being so creative , for being the kind of student who intimidates me . There is a very short poem by the great storyteller Raymond Carver . Carver : that reformed and recovered drunk , that cheat , that neglectful father , that abusive husband , that generally mean person . The poem is called " Late Fragment , " which he wrote at the end of his life , just before lung cancer killed him . This is how it goes : Carver , the brilliant storyteller and worst kind of person , who told his own life without excuses , presenting himself in his stories as the worst kind of person , finally found recovery , found a great deal of reconciliation , and , eventually , he found himself beloved on the earth - even so . It 's in the even so that his life story is told here , in the even so that my and your and Robin 's lives are told . We are suffering , wandering , confused , hurt - and hurtful - we are the kinds of people who , left to ourselves , are no better or hardly better than Carver ever was . And , even so , even so , we are beloved . To be honored in front of so many , to be told Good job , and Congratulations , and We think you 're something else ! - it 's a kind of love , or a stand - in for it . At the very least , it 's like love . Because it 's people giving you this big good thing . Last year , Robin wrote love - letter - paintings to many , if not all , of the Torrey faculty , these people who represented to her smart stuff and even so . Her friend Renee painted likenesses , and then Robin wrote the words over the painted image . Here is what she wrote on mine : Of course , he says . Of course , yes . Fingers skim along rows of bindings , pulling down certain volumes . Not that he means to read from each one . He wants to remember them , delight in them and , most of all , simply have them in his hands . He arranges the books in a careful stack on his desk and , each time he lays one down , talks about a particular section and the author 's particular genius . Always in particulars . And this - amazing . Amazing . He extracts a book and , for the slightest instant , pauses to feel its weight in his hand . While he tells me about the text , he turns the pages over , one by one , only to have their texture between his fingers . The rustle is warm and familiar . His eye skims passages , head shaking with awe . Does he know the corners of his mouth arch this way every time a familiar text is in his hands ? Or how many students have learned to love fitting words through witnessing this expression ? To find richness in so many things … We see it most when he looks at his son . Or hear it when his voice cracks , and he laughs at the remembering of himself . He leans back and is still . Now . Space to wordlessly revisit where we have been . Words are beautiful , but only as signs to wordlessness . I remember . Now . I am beginning to understand where understanding ends . He knows this place , and that is how he brought us here . Now . Nothing but to sit here and process . To process without being alone . To not be alone as the end of the question . And then - slight lean forward . I know the drill . Social etiquette for time awareness . My appointment should have ended long ago . I motion as if to leave , but when I blink , he 's leaned back again . A gentle , but defiant flash passes through his eyes . No , no , wrong , it says . Things can be different . He searches for something until he finds it . And then his finger jabs a page and slides the book to me . Read that , he says . Everything is in that ' even so , ' he says . It 's wonderful , really . Even so . Wonderful . Even so . And so , Robin : No , you are not alone . I hear you . I am connected to you . My wife , my in - laws , and I - we love you . You are a part of our family . You are a gift to me as much as I am a gift to you . You are a gift to this institution , to your teachers , to your friends , to your family , to our Lord . You are beloved on the earth . Even so . Folks , the past 4 weeks for me have been pretty sick ones . This has been quite a surprise for me , because with Jonah you see , I wasn 't hardly sick at all . But , man , even since that six week mark , I have been the typical nauseous , food averted , smell sensitive , roller coaster of emotions pregnant girl . I am even craving pickles if you can believe that . It 's been pretty hard , running after Jonah and feeling this way . I have decided now definitely , that this will be our last child . And , I ask all of you to hold me to that once I change my mind in 3 years . So , this is our first ultrasound picture , taken at about 7 weeks . I am now 10 weeks and at my 12 week appointment we get another ultrasound ! I am really excited for this one . The baby will have arms and legs and thumbs and everything ! And , there may even be the slightest chance that we could find out the sex ! It may be way too early still , but we will keep you posted . : ) This is a tad bit embarrassing , that we call this thing a blog and never , I mean never post on it . But , we can redeem ourselves , right ? And what better reason do we have now that Jonah is a two and never a dull moment . I could write about what he is doing at any given time and it would most likely be worth at least a chuckle . Oh , and also , we are expecting another little person now . It is so weird to say this , and I only say it to myself and God because it doesn 't feel quite official or real yet even , but , ahem … . I have two children . There . I said it . And here 's another truism . I love saying that . We ( all three of us ) are pretty darn excited to be starting this new journey . It will be my birthday in a few days , and for one of my gifts ( my husband is so sweet ) he gave me Saturday night off , and Sunday too , to just go and be and do things I like to do . I found that during the first 20 minutes in the car , alone , I had the realization that through all of the chaos of being a mom of a two year old , and just being busy now a days , I hadn 't really taken the time to " be " with this new little one . I hadn 't talked to it yet . From the day I found out I was pregnant with Jonah , it was all I could think of . I was always rubbing my belly and telling him things , narrating what song was on the radio for him , or just telling him how excited I was to feel him move . I felt sad that I hadn 't done this yet with kid # 2 . Of course it makes sense that things are busy , and that being only 5 weeks I still have plenty of time to do these things , but I couldn 't help but feel some of my own childhood sensitivities about being the second child . All of this might be a big pregnancy hormone induced , overreaction , but I felt a special connection with this little one . I felt like saying to it , and I did , we are going to get each other . We will have a special connection . We are both second children , and I fell close to you in that . So there you have it , these are some of the things going on . We are also desperately going through names in which Carlos and I cannot agree on to save our lives . But thankfully , we have plenty of time . Jonah just had his 2 year photos taken by a good friend of ours , Elizabeth Thompson . If anyone needs photography she is outstanding . Will post these pics soon . When I was younger and had no wife and no child , no girlfriend , no job , no prospects , I sometimes imagined what it would be like to be a dad . After lamenting for a little while , since being a dad seems to entail the rest of that list , I imagined that probably one of the best parts of being a dad was letting your son or daughter sleep on your chest , while you , too , slept . I imagined this being such a good part of being a dad in part , I think , because of the blurry memories I had of sleeping on my own dad 's chest . Let me tell you , it is every bit as good , even better , than I 'd imagined . At times I reflect that I have come through all kinds of painful things , had to endure years of things I won 't talk about here , but things that are nonetheless very painful . Then , sometimes , especially when I am lying down with Jonah and he 's sleeping on my chest , I am aware that all that past pain was worth it , that I would do it all again in a second , if it meant that I could arrive again at getting to be Jonah 's dad . What a gift he is . The hardest thing I have ever known is to become a parent . Fifteen years ago I became a high schooler ; that was pretty hard . Then came college , which was harder ; but then , after a while , if I 'm honest with you , it got easy . After graduation , becoming a teacher was hard , too , but eventually it was manageable . Then Alli and I married , and I turned into a husband : Wow - now that 's still very , very hard . But Parent , being the parent , being the dad , being so powerlessly in love with this vulnerable , crying , helpless , beautiful , loud need wrapped in personhood … I mean , it 's just the hardest thing I have ever imagined , and the hardest thing I have ever done . I sit back to reflect on it for a moment , in order to come up with the words , with the images , to prove to you by way of metaphor that I 'm telling the truth , to show you , to make you aware in a way that is just right , in a way that would explain it perfectly , clearly , even for those of you who aren 't parents yet . I reflect on just how hard it is . I think of the nights , of the loneliness of night when no one is around but the three of us , darkness everywhere and a hungry baby . I want to make you understand . But my arms dangle , and they hang - limply - at my sides . They become numb . I am tired . My shoulders hurt . I find I can 't even type the words to describe it . And anyway I am wordless for it , unable to describe anything this hard , and so typing wouldn 't do any good anyhow . And yet , here they are : the words have appeared . Somehow the words are brought to the page . Sure , of course , I love him . His smells are everywhere in the house . On my hands . On my shirt . In the living room . In the kitchen near his baby 's bottles and baby 's bath and baby 's towel . They are there when I do the dishes , and when the laundry is folded by the couch . I have never been more aware of my gratitude , or more conscious of my love , or closer to the belief that my love is a thing in my chest , something I could take out and show to him if he asked to see it , its weight and size , its rounded edges , the hardness and softness of it at the same time , its willingness to sacrifice or change shape at his will , for his safety , for his pleasure . Several days ago he gave out his first social smile - to me . He looked me in the eye as I sat down next to Alli on the couch , who was holding him . I had put my finger in his hand - a cheap trick to make myself feel loved , really , since it 's a reflex for him to grab onto me - and he turned his head to see me . He looked , and he looked , and then he gave a sign of recognition . Something in his face changed as if to say , You . And , in a moment , he smiled . He held it for about seven seconds . He was smiling at me , right at my face . This was not gas , or poop . This was us . You could not talk about the energy and warmth I felt throughout my body when it happened , since really it is unspeakable . I love my son . You know that , and I know that , and there is no question about the matter . Still , my son suffers . He has colic , or something like it , and we know this because every night he cries and he cries and he cries . This - watching him cry without end - this is pain I have never felt , every night . I walk around with him , and I hold him to me , but he pushes away . So I bounce him , up and down , up and down , but he waves his arms and he kicks his legs . Then , because the walking around hasn 't worked , I sit down with him , but he writhes , and he wiggles , back and forth , arching his back , kicking his legs some more . I stand up again , and I hold him up and out , so he 's facing the world . Maybe something out there will calm him , yes - but his eyes fill with terror , and he holds his arms out as though he wants to feel more secure . So I turn him around to face my chest , but he presses his face into my shirt , shaking his head back and forth , rubbing his face against me , pushing his face deeper and deeper into my chest , and I feel the heat from his face , that hot breath leaving his mouth , the sobs , the air that leaves his body like desperation , and all the time the voice , the pain , those high - pitched notes that carry through the rooms of our house , through my head and down my back , into my stomach and legs , Dad , help me , I hurt , I hurt , I need help , please help me . He hides nothing . He grieves everything . He has been born into this world with a mountain of pain , and he is honest enough to let it show . And I can 't do anything , Jonah . I can 't do anything at all . What can I do ? I 've tried everything . I 've tried it all . Now metaphors are not good ways , I know , to establish something as a fact . Just because this something is like that other thing does not mean that either is true , I am aware . So please do not misunderstand me . A few nights ago , Jonah was crying . Alli , who wakes up with him early every morning , was pooped by now , and rightfully so , for she is this family 's anchor , its strength . She gives too much , which is what mothers by nature do . Mothers might be the most powerful force in nature , and Alli is no exception . By now , though , she had worked beyond her ability , and so I had sent her off to sleep . He was hiding nothing . He was grieving everything . He had a mountain of pain to carry , and he was being honest with me , letting it show . So I began to whisper very softly into his ear , Jonah , I 'm here with you . This is me , it 's your dad . I 'm here . I 'm right here . Jonah , do you hear me ? Jonah , I 'm here . We walked around and around the kitchen , because at night it 's the darkest room of the house , and darkness brings sleep - it says so in all the baby books . Here we were , in the darkness of night , around and around and around the kitchen , around and around for a long time , and he 's crying like always , and I 'm whispering to him , I know , son . I know . It 's so hard . It 's so so hard . But here I am . Here I am with you . Did I think he could understand me ? And if he could understand me , could he hear me over his cries ? I suppose part of me hoped he would . I held him close to me , and still he kept crying . And for a moment , I will tell you , because this is the truth I believe in , and this , you might have guessed , is the metaphor I was working up to : I understood the reason for Christ . I understood that I would give anything to help my son , that I would give up all my possessions , all my relationships , and even give up my own existence , if only Jonah could be made to have what he needed . I would do anything to climb down through my years of knowing and experience , and I would join him in his babyness , and I would take it all onto me , because I want him to experience relief . But , again , if the truth of the world is that Jesus somehow offers us relief , that in the midst of all this suffering , in the midst of all these cries - there is hope , that somehow by this offering we are able to connect , and to receive grace , to reconcile one to another and to God in heaven , and finally to live without alienation , and if there is in fact a God who wants to use this universe to demonstrate his love for creation , then this parenthood , this being the dad , this hardest best thing - has made itself to me a picture of God 's love which illuminates truth beyond my wildest imaginations . And for a moment I see the love , I understand the love , and I feel the love - all the love in the universe which surrounds me , and surrounds you , and surrounds us all . And my heart grows big with thanks .

Wow . What can I say about 2012 ? I 've been meaning to post updates for awhile now , but whenever I sit down to write , invariably something happens that takes my attention away . But , right now , sitting at the in - laws house , seems as good a time as ever to review just what an amazing year 2012 was . Even if nothing else of note happened in 2012 , it would be a great year for no other reason than . . . 1 . The birth of my daughter Scarlett . Little Scarlett , hours after her birth . I always wondered what kind of parent I would make . I guess I 'm going to find out now . In the process , we encountered frustration , joy , sadness , terror and every range of emotion you can possibly imagine . Around July of last year , Sarah and I decided that the time was right for us to expand our family , and we started trying for a little one . Frankly , after spending nearly a year trying for a baby , I 'm honestly stumped at how anyone accidentally gets pregnant . There was testing , planning , and all kinds of craziness before we finally got he word at the end of March , just two weeks after FWA , that Sarah was pregnant . A few months later , we found out that our little mass of dividing cells was going to be a little girl . In all honesty , a part of me was hoping for a little boy , but those thoughts immediately went out the window nearly instantly . However , it took us nearly until October to actually pick a name for the little one . In the meantime , we had a scare when the doctor found some abnormalities on her ultrasound and sent us to Birmingham for a more detailed test . Something to do with brain cysts . Thankfully , that turned out to be nothing . Over the course of the pregnancy , I realized what amazing friends we have . Sarah had no less than 3 baby showers , 2 of which were thrown by our church . We received gifts of almost everything we would need to raise a baby . I literally think we spent less than $ 500 on baby things . So Sarah grew and grew with child over the course of the summer and fall ( while we moved , see next point ) , until her due date was upon us . And asTags : In my last entry , I mentioned how the move process was going . I also said we were supposed to be closing on September 26th , and moving shortly thereafter . Well , it 's October 3rd , and we 're still in our old house . What happened ? Well , pull up a chair , and I 'll pick up the tale where I left off last time . The InspectionAs I mentioned in the previous post , we sold the house . And , as is common , the buyer of the house wanted to get an inspection done on my house . No problem . It worried me a lot because we had just found ( and fixed ) the leak in the chimney , and I had no idea what else might be lurking to be fixed . But , you do what you have to do , so they did their inspection on Monday , September 10th . Now , according to the contract , they had 3 working days to present me with a list of repairs . Well , Wednesday and Thursday came and went , and I thought we were in the clear . Then , Friday , they finally get me a list of " requested repairs . " and I very nearly blew a gasket . I fully believe their inspector to be batshit crazy . Here were some of the " requested repairs " : New driveway and sidewalk due to " cracks . " Every fucking driveway in the neighborhood has cracks in them . It 's a 20 year old house , and the driveway is in fine shape for it 's age . Wanted the siding replaced . The siding was just replaced by the previous owner in 2005 . Wanted a new roof because the roof vents were too narrow and the bathroom vent vented into the attic . Wanted some major work done on the electrical system . The electrical system is fine and hasn 't been touched . Wanted the laundry vent line re - routed to be " shorter . " The laundry room is in the middle of the fucking house . It 's as short as possible already . They wanted the motherfucking chimney extended two fucking feet ! Apparently there 's some code that says chimneys have to be a certain height above the roofline , and mine was two feet short . But every house in the neighborhood built on the same plan has the same height chimney , so it was obviously okay when it was built . And that was just the crazy ones . ThatTags : God , I don 't ever remember being this busy in my entire life . Even that semester I took 18 hours and ( helped ) plan a convention pales incomparison to what it 's been like recently . It 's like someone through my life to warp 9 . We sold the house ! We had been working with a buyer and finally , last Friday an offer came in . It looked like a good offer , so we accepted it . But it 's a littlemorecomplex than that . What happened was that we 've been working with a builder to buy a model home in a neighborhood . But my stipulation was that I wouldnotbuy unless my current house sold . But the builder has sold his remaining lots in that neighborhood to a different builder and is eager togetthis house off his books , as it is his final property in the neighborhood . So he cut a deal with us where he would buy our houseandimmediately re - sell it . So we agreed to the deal . The downside is that I 'm taking a loss selling the house . Not a big one , but a loss nonetheless , which is kind ofabummer . But wait , there 's more ! The current house doesn 't have a garage on it . Because it was a model home , the area that would have beenthegarage in the normal plan was , in this house , finished off as office space . It 's actually really cool , there 's a L - shaped room , with asmalleroffice inside it with a little glass window . But either way , the house doesn 't have a garage , and needs one built . So we had to get the final dimensions on the garage squaredawaybefore we could have a final price on the mortgage . It will also be attached to the house via a small breezeway , which has to be factoredintothe construction costs . So I 've spent the last week doing things like finalizing the garage dimensions , finalizing the contract price , getting the mortgage , havinghomeinspections done , and working on other various financial things . Still have to go is getting the insurance finalized - people are being apain inthe ass when it comes to calling me back - picking a mover , etc . Oh , and did I mention that they want all this done by the 26th ? Oy vey . If I survive the next few weekTags : So it 's been awhile since I posted , so here 's an update . Or something . It 's a girl ! Or , it will be . Sarah and I found out that the aforementioned sexess baby we were having will be a little baby girl . While we don 't currently have a name , we are leaning towards the name Scarlett Rose - just unusual enough to be interesting , but not something silly or crazy . Although the sex determining ultrasound was not without some drama . The doctor called us a few days later to let us know that the ultrasound showed some . . . irregularities . Namely choroid plexus cysts which are cysts in the brain of the child . Apparently , these occur in 1 - 3 % of all pregnancies and they usually resolve themselves on their own . But , they can also be an indicator of certain genetic disorders such as Trisomy 18 . So , she wanted us to go to UAB in Birmingham for a more detailed ultrasound . So Monday , after sweating this shit for 2 weeks , we went to Birmingham . I have to admit , I was impressed with the facility . The first time I can ever remember a doctor getting us in ahead of our appointment , and at one point we had two doctors , a medical student and a tech looking at the ultrasound . Fortunately , thank God , they pronounced that there were no more signs of the cysts and everything else looked completely normal . House for sale . But with a little girl on the way , Sarah and I have discovered that there is simply not enough room for us in this house with all the baby stuff . The house I bought back in 2007 is simply not big enough for all the stuff we 're going to be buying . And forget having enough room should another kid come along in a few years . So , concluding that now was a good time to buy and that I only want to move once again , we finally put the house on the market last weekend . It has been very bittersweet , and I 've run the gamut of emotions on it . I gotta be honest , though , I 'm gonna miss this place . I 've really loved this little house and I have a lot of memories here . It 'll be sad when we have to leave . But if anyone 's looking for a home in MadisonTags : So I 've been hearing this sound in my downstairs master bathroom . The sound of grinding and scratching . At first I thought I was crazy . I thought I was hearing Pumpkin upstairs in her litterbox ( which is in the upstairs bathroom above the master ) . But earlier this week the sound got dramatically louder . Even my wife could hear it . It was time to take action . So I called an exterminator . He came out on Friday and crawled through both of the attics . He found mouse droppings ( as well as bat droppings from a previous infestation ) and laid out traps to try to trap the " mouse . " But as of this morning , I was still hearing the sound . So I popped open the plumbing access panel and looked inside . I couldn 't see any animals ( one of my big fears was that I was going to look in there and some animal was going to come flying out at me ) . But I could see where most of the noise was coming from . There were a large number of rocks underneath the tub , looking like they came from a hole in the slap . At this point , I 'm still operating under the assumption that whatever it is is either a mouse or a rat . I left a couple of glue boards and a couple of snap - traps underneath the tub . Hopefully , in a few days , I 'll be able to report success . Accomplished a lot this weekend . First , the tree in the previous post was cut up and pulled to the road . Once it was removed , the damage to the fence was not nearly as bad as it had appeared . So I 'm going to put off actually repairing it for awhile until it cools off outside . We also removed one of the dead trees in the backyard as well . I need to call a tree service to grind the stump , though , and remove the rest of the junk in the backyard . Sunday , we decided to clean the carpets and sofas in the house . So we rented two of the rug steamers from the grocery store and went to work . It ended up taking 5 hours with the both of us working on it to cover our house and clean the sofas . Oh my God . The water coming out of the machine was black . I didn 't realize we had let the carpets get that bad . Finished wiring in the closet this morning . It turned out to be a bigger project than I was anticipating . Started last night identifying the outlets ( when I initially wired the house back in 2007 when I bought it , I didn 't do a good job of identifying the drops ) , putting them through the wall and punching down the keystones . This morning I made cables and connected everything up to the switch before work . BeforeAfter Yesterday morning when I went into the bathroom , I started with my normal morning routine - the three S 's ( shit , shower and shave ) . But didn 't get beyond the first one . When I sat down on the toilet , I put my feet in a quarter inch of standing water . Apparently overnight , my toilet had sprung a leak . Great . Wonderful . I sopped up the mess and reached around to see if I could tell where the leak was coming from . It felt like it was coming a seal around the base of the feed line , where the feed line connects to the plastic cap that connects to the float valve . As the toilets in this house break , I 've been replacing the float valves and stoppers with more modern designs . So yesterday at lunch , I fixed the toilet by installing a new feed line and a new float valve . No more leaking water , no more random tank filling in the middle of the night either . The daytime highs have been at or near 100 ° for the last few days . I 'm not insane - I 'm not about to go out in that in the blazing hot sun just to cut the lawn . So I waited until 8 : 30 tonight - after dark , when it was just 95 ° - to cut the lawn . Yesterday , I headed out to look for concentrated barley straw extract . Was looking for it to use to clean up the algae bloom currently going on in the pond . After trying three places in Madison , none of them had it but all told me to go to this place way the hell up on North Parkway . So I resigned myself to going up there and took a shortcut ( Jeff Rd - > Blake Bottom Rd - > Highway 53 - > Springfield Rd - > Pulaski Pike - > Winchester Rd ) that put me out right next to where I needed to be . And wouldn 't you know it , they had exactly what I needed . Now I know where to go for pond supplies . Being that I was on that end of town anyways , bored with nothing to do , I stopped by koakako 's house to see what he was up to . He was working on his wife 's car rotating the tires , doing an alignment , and fixing the fan relay . I wasn 't actually planning on this , but we ended up looking at my truck as well . It had been having a vibration at highway speed and pulling to the right . I took it to NTB in Madison before I left on vacation and they told me they fixed the alignment , but it was still pulling to the right and vibrating . So I had KO take a look at it . I had kind of figured it was a tire imbalance , so we ended up rotating those to the back , and fixed the alignment as well . So now it drives smooth up front and doesn 't pull to the right anymore . There 's a noticeable vibration from the rear , but I 'll get those tires re - balanced at some point in the future . For now , at least it 's drivable at highway speeds again . Afterward , to thank him for fixing my truck , I took him out for sushi ! We also stopped at Great Spirits . It 's amusing when I think how much , in some ways , I 've changed since college . When I went to the alphabet shop in Auburn , I 'd usually come out with some Jim Beam , maybe some Kahlua and Seagrams Seven . I walked out of Great Spirits yesterday with an excellent Port wine , a bottle of Honey mead , and a Three Philosophers Belgian - style Quadrupel . I guess I 'm growing as an alcoholic drinker . So the idiots who owned the house before us put rocks in the front bed and generally neglected the flower beds in every way possible . It 's been a long project rehabbing these beds to the point where we might actually be able to plant flowers in them . To add to that , there was a fairly serious water drainage issue caused by the main downspout for the front of the house coming down in that bed . So every time we had a rain storm , it would flood the entire front bed and sidewalk . To fix that , we rerouted the downspout along the front slab and out the side . We did that a few weeks ago , and it mostly held up to the 4 inches of rain we got out of the same storm that drowned Nashville . But the front bed was still flooding . Not nearly as badly , but still flooding due to it being a low lying area . So we raised the beds up between six and nine inches depending on where in the bed you are . This involved hauling 1 . 5 tons - yes , literally - of topsoil and applying it . Then we hauled a half - ton of mulch to apply on top . It was a hell of a lot of work , but the results speak for themselves . . . ( Pics behind the cut . . . ) We were going to try for flowers on Sunday , but we were both way too sore , so we may do those this weekend . After that , the next project is to remove those overgrown bushes on the right in picture # 1 to make way for a small pond and water fountain . Either way , I wanna have all this shit done by the end of May , before it gets too hot to work outside . Ahh , the joys of homeownership . Had a good and productive weekend . Got the hydrangea trimmed back , and the property line cleared . The chainsaw made short work of both of those . Also got the front bed and mailbox bed weeded . All I still have left to do is chop the stuff I cleared up from the property line into firewood . Went out to try the new barbecue place at Bridge Street - Smoke House . Sarah and I both really enjoyed it . The barbecue quality was as good as Greenbriar , and the atmosphere was actually good and not geriatric ! Made good progress on my goal of ripping all my DVDs onto the file server . With the AppleTVs in the living room and bedroom , it 's like having our own private VOD system . Unfortunately , I 'm still only on " A " . : PGot a bootleg of my new favorite movie on my iPhone . Relaxed . And finally , caught up with kubulai after 4 . 75 years . It as a good conversation - one I look forward to continuing soon . The only downside was it was nearly 2am before I finally got off the computer and even later before I got to sleep . Too much stuff going through my head . So I guess I was due for a bad lesson . On takeoff , we had a 10kt crosswind . It was my first time taking off with a crosswind ; I knew to kinda crab the plane into the wind , but I wasn 't expecting the wind to get up under the wing and try to flip the plane . Later , on landing , my CFI told me to turn off a little early at E6 , but we still had to lose some speed . I started my turn a little soon and almost flipped the plane again . . . . So , almost two crashes . : ( I guess it 's a positive that I learned from it ; I now know how to handle crosswind takeoffs a little bit better , and next time to continue to E5 instead of trying to make a turn that I 'm not comfortable with . On the plus side , my altitude handling was a lot better , ground reference manuevers when well , and got some touch - and - go practice at KDCU , which was my first time flying into a field other than KHSV . Today , I got the chainsaw out and hacked the huge hydrangea bush back as well as clearing out the brush along the property line . It 's nice to be able to look out my back window knowing the line is clear and that it 's not growing into the fence anymore .

Mrs B : Yes , ' cause the school was next door to where we , the Square [ Trafalgar Square ] , there was the , I don 't know what they use it for now ? ( Q : I think it 's a community centre . ) Yea , ( Mrs S : [ ? ? ? ] ) ( Q : They use it for meetings . ) I remember taking him to school ' cause we lived just right near it and then later on we went to the Church School , we all went to the Church School when we got older , they changed us over , in fact , she sent us there ' cause that was next door and we were tiny and with having a big family and men working , hadn 't got time to take us all the way to school and , ' cause , I mean , ( Q : She didn 't keep you at the erm , I wonder why she didn 't keep you at the erm ? ) Because we belonged Church , we was all christened at Church you see ( Q : Even though she went to the Chapel ? ) Well , she did if she went , but weren 't very often , she never had the time with the family she had , you know , not when , them days , you never had no tinned stuff to give to everything , you had to do , didn 't you , I mean , you had no tins of peas you could open or anything like that . ( Q : Would you say there were different sorts of people belonged to the Church and belonged to the Chapel ? ) Well , I dunno , ( Mrs S : Not really . ) I mean , they varied , people , don 't they , I mean , you see ( Q : I know they do now , I think I 've read , in those days , sometimes , one group of people would go to Chapel and one to the Church , I wondered if it was like that in Witham ? ) No , I don 't think so . Mrs B : Yea , well , they took us , ( Q : The children . ) well , in Church we never , we went into the school . ( Q : For the Sunday school ? ) Yes , used to be every day school , went in there for our lessons , like we do lessons , then they 'd sing little hymns then we used to march into the Church ( Q : Yes , so you went to the Church , not the Chapel ? ) then we went in the Church next door [ All Saints , Guithavon Street ] , you know . ( Q : You didn 't go to Chapel so much ? ) No , I didn 't , I didn 't go to the Chapel unless mother went and she took us , but that was only now and again , you know … . ( Mrs S : What did you do one Sunday in Church ? ) Hey ? ( Mrs S : What did you do one Sunday in Church ? ) [ Laughter ] ( Mrs S : Come on , tell us ! ) I was eating a sherbet dab [ Laughter ] and the parson fetched me out , right in front of everybody in the church , like they were sitting on the front pew , you know , like there was nothing in front of them and me Sunday , me school teachers , they was Miss Peaks then , there was three of ' em , three sisters , they were all old maids , they used to live in the house in the , there was a house in the school yard . I thought I 'd should get wrong when I go to school tomorrow and if anybody tells me mum I should get a damned thrashing , you know [ Laughter ] , it weren 't like , I mean , she weren 't with the children , stricter them days , they were stricter with children than what they are today , although my son 's ever so strict with his children , but I mean , you , you got a good hiding in them days if you don 't , if kids , kids only get a pat today don 't really get a hiding , you know , and he took the sherbet dab away from me , I never got it back ! [ Laughter ] We always used to get a halfpenny or a penny between us when we went , but we was supposed to spend it when we come out of church , course we spent it before we went in , I was finishing mine off [ ? ? ? ] [ Laughter ] and then , you won 't remember , Miss Vaux , ( Mrs S : No , she [ ? ? ? ] ) she was old maid , she lived in Collingwood Road , I believe there were a couple of sisters th [ 5 minutes ] Mrs B : Took ' em back to me mum and got ' em in a little basket , carrying ' em so nicely down the garden path . ( Q : So you shouldn 't have took ' em ? ) I thought ' ooh ' . [ Laughter ] We hadn 't told me mother we 'd had ' em took off us , we dare not , ooh , I don 't know , I done all sorts , always getting wrong somewhere . In service an ' all , I never stopped in service , always run away , I , I never liked service , too much of a tie , you gotta do this , you gotta do that , you mustn 't do this , you mustn 't do that , you wanna post a letter , if the pillar box was about from here to that door you gotta knock on the door say could you go and post it . [ Laughter ] My mother spoilt me a bit and I think , you know , at the finish she never sent me , I never went , oh , I went dozens of places and I come home every time . Mrs B : Well , same as they teach the children now I think , you know , used to have , used to have singing in the morning , prayers , then singing first thing , the Church school , I don 't know if other schools did it . And then I think you had , you used to have arithmetic first and then singing lessons and all that sort of thing , the same , there was the different classes , you know and the different sets of desks , needlework they taught you how to do buttonholing and all that sort of thing , then I remember once a week we used to have to take stockings to mend , and they showed you how to darn properly , you know , pick one up and one down , one up and one down , leave a loop all the way round , always remember that , we used to take a stocking , that was no good only taking one ' cause you only had time to do one hole . [ Laughter ] ( Q : That was from home you 'd take one , you 'd take one from home , you mean ? ) My children went to the Church school too , yea , ' cause I had one daughter , well she didn 't go to school much at all , she had osteomyelitis , when she was nine and she was in hospital . ( Mrs S : Pretty girl . ) She was in hospital till she was , after leaving school age , so she didn 't do any school , but she learned quite a lot in the hospital , she was in with the grown ups , you know , they learned her to knit , she knit lovely clothes didn 't she ? ( Mrs S : Ooh ! ) Put the flowers on the back and she knit one , my daughter was expecting a baby she knit some nice little vests , two plain and two purl , the proper little wool vests , you know , oh , she learned quite a lot in hospital , and to write and that , they took , she was at Colchester but they took her right up to Epping Forest near North Weald aerodrome just through the forest , I used to have to go up there every Sunday , that was when they were frightened that ( Mrs S : Of being bombed . ) the barracks , they were , you know , gonna do anything to the barracks at Colchester , they moved all the patients out of Colchester hospital , what they could move and we didn 't know where she was fQ : That was heard work , though , I should think . [ Noise and laughter . ] ( Unknown person : Right , where 's your books ! ) [ Taped stopped and re - started ] Q : [ Looking at photo of view down Maldon Road ] I forgot about these , hang on , Maldon Road , that 's a bit different now but I think it 's supposed to be Maldon Road . Does it look familiar ? And there 's another one . I couldn 't work out where they were really myself but they said they were Maldon Road , no , it 's so different now . Mrs B : Yes , this is , yes , this is the Asylum [ probably long low creamy wall to right of lady ] remember what Mr Payne used to , The Retreat [ east side ] , well , they called it , they used to be terrible there , the , that gate was always locked . ( Mrs S : That 's all bungalows there now aren 't they ? [ The Retreat ] ) Yes , well , now , this Dr Payne he used to live in Witham , one of the Miss Paynes married a Taber didn 't she ? ( Mrs S : Yes , that 's right . ) Well , her father was a doctor , he [ ? ] was doctor to Jeany [ ? ] when I used to take her to Colchester hospital , could hear ' em all shouting and screaming in the gardens and erm … Mrs B : Hospital doctoring . ( Q : Hospital mostly was it ? ) He was private , yes , ' cause he was my , Jeanie [ ? ] , the one that I lost , he was her doctor at Colchester hospital , well , him and one or two others used to see her , you know . ( Mrs S : It 's interesting looking at some of the old ones , you know . ) Yea . Mrs B : Oh , I had doctors . ( Q : Doctors mostly ? ) He used to come . ( Q : Did you used to go round there or did he … . ? ) He used to come round , Dr Gimsons come to the house , yea , when my , when dad , well when they , they were the only doctors in Witham then really , ' cause that Dr Payne used to go to hospitals a lot and he had a private practice and he had to have a sign on , that was his with all the patients there ( Mrs S : Had padded rooms there . ) Hey ? ( Mrs S : They had padded rooms there didn 't they ? Padded rooms . ) Yea , they did do yes , yes [ i . e . at the asylum at the Retreat ] Mrs B : From all over the place I expect , I don 't know , but they , you never see any of them out , they weren 't , they were all , you know , locked in , the gates and that were locked , and the gardens , they used to go out in the gardens , ' cause we lived right near it , we could hear ' em shouting down our place What was that boy [ ? ] what lived down Powers Hall End [ ? ] , do you remember ? ( Mrs S : Yes , yes . ) I mean , he was up Powers Hall End [ ? ] and that was sort of [ ? ? ? ] right across the fields where we used to live up the [ ? ? ? } we could hear him sometimes shouting over our place , couldn 't we ? ( Mrs S : Yes , yes . ) Right over , right over Church Street , course when they 're like that sometimes they make such a noise , shouting , don 't they , poor things ( Q : I suppose they didn 't have the drugs and things . ) ( Mrs S : No . ) ( Q : Nowadays I suppose they give them drugs and things to quieten them ? ) Well , they do , quieten ' em down with drugs , they never had the drugs them days , did they ? Mrs B : Well , you know , medicine and anything , you know . ( Mrs S : two and six a bottle , wasn 't it ? ) Hey ? ( Mrs S : Half a crown a bottle . ) Yes , she used to have to pay for it , yea . Mrs B : Oh I did , and I hated it , and I hated the ( Mrs S : Mrs Nicol was it ? ) a lot of people believed in different things round their necks . ( Q : Did they ? ) ( Mrs S : Do go to Mrs Nicol ] ? ) ( Q : I 've talked to her once , a week or two back , yes . ) Yes , I 've heard of people doing that but I couldn 't bear the smell of it , especially when they put the clothes away and they come out and smelt of camphor . Mrs B : Oh , mother had them I expect , I don 't know I remember , but she always , you know they always had something in with the clothes didn 't they years ago , ' cause you never hear of them used not now , well nearly everything now the moth don 't get in things now because they won 't get in only certain things , well today the stuff what you buy like these sort of things they won 't , they don 't get in do they , they don 't , ' cause I remember I had a wool two - piece once , that was a brown one , with a skirt and a cardigan , you wore a blouse with it , you know , it was ever so nice , when you pulled it out it had like a silver mark in between ' cause that stretched and I wore the cardigan once and I had a chiffonier [ ? ] in my front room and I folded it up and just laid it inside there , would lay there , I left it in there for a couple of weeks I reckon , instead of putting it up , and do you know when I got it out a moth had got in it and eaten three or four holes , little tiny pin holes in the front , you couldn 't , moths were a nuisance them days , but now you get sprays and all that sort of thing , you don 't , you don 't get ' em today , not like you used to . ( Q : There isn 't so much wool is there ? ) No , they don 't eat the stuff you see , no . Mrs B : Well , for cheeking Miss Pinkham , well , I didn 't really cheek her , she , there was a spot , you 'd see , when they made those gloves them days one done one thing , one done the fingers , one done something else and I done the binding round here , slip [ ? ] piece and binding , there 's a dozen gloves you used to have to do for so much , didn 't get much I can tell you , talk about slave labour , you got hardly anything and I , there was a spot of oil on the , I should have reported it when I had them , and she said that was me and I said it wasn 't me I said that was on when I got them , and she said , that ooh , that was me , I said well that wasn 't me and I course I would have my way , so she said take your cards , take your cards , I said I thought meself well give me me cards , I 'll be glad to get out , I finished up at sorting seeds at the Cooper Taber 's , I went there for a long while , I nearly got the sack . ( Mrs S : Then you got in trouble for singing . ) I did , I got the sack and the women said well if Edie gets the sack we 'll all stop so I didn 't get the sack and they used to say to me ' Sing ' , you know , and I used to sing away all the song , course that annoyed the men and women in the office underneath , I expect they couldn 't get on with their work or they thought they couldn 't , poor old Freddie Springett … . ( Mrs S : No relation ! ) [ Laughter ] The latch . Mrs B : Poor old mum , I think I used to worry her , my other sisters stopped in service for years on end . Emily , she stopped with one old chap and when they moved away they wanted her to go with them to Bournemouth , I forget now whether she went or not and me sister , Lil , worked in Collingwood Road at , where Dr Ted and Dr Karl [ Gimson ] used to go , what was that nurse 's name ? Roberts ( Mrs S : Roberts . Yes . ) as she worked there for years , Lil did , she , they all stuck service , and me sister at Ilford , she was in service , ooh , right from when she left school she went up there , she married up there , and lived up there , well she lives up there now , I don 't know where , haven 't heard from her for ages . Q : So going back to the seeds , was that the same sort of thing you , Grace told me you used to sort the seeds ? ( Mrs B : We done ' em at home . ) You used to do it at the factory as well , did you ? Q : Was that the same place it is at … ( Mrs S : Cullen 's . ) Cooper Taber 's was , ( Mrs B : It was a different place . ) where abouts was that ? Mrs B : That 's where I went , but Cullen 's … ( Q : Were there a lot of people at Cooper Taber 's ? ) Well , several , there was a whole , oh , I should think there was about twenty women there working . Mrs B : All sitting in rows , great big windows in the front and erm , peas what we sorted , there were pieces of wood there , we all had our heap of peas , you know , and then there was a slot , like that , in your bench , you used to have a high stool and as you took the bad ones from the good ones you draw the good ones down into the sack underneath and erm the bad ones were weighed up and you got , well , measured up , and you got so much for how many , you know , bad ones you had , that 's what you got paid for . ( Q : What , the number of bad ones you picked out ? ) Yes , you didn 't get much I can tell ya . ( Q : How much was it , can you remember ? ) About ten , twelve bob a week , never got much those days ( Q : How old were you then ? ) Ooh , I was getting on then , I must have been sixteen I should think , ooh , sixteen getting on . Mrs B : She was always stuck there , nobody liked her , you know , she used to interfere , she was there more than the sons , didn 't see the sons much , see Bert , ' cause he , he run the factory , er , Bert Pinkham , he used to live in Collingwood Road , ' cause he had two or three sons , didn 't he ? ( Mrs S : Yes . Was it two or three ? ) I forget , Grace , I know there was two or three , but , I used to go to the pea shed and worked there , then , of course I worked , the War [ First World War ] broke out , worked on munitions down at , ooh , I forget the name of the place , the maltings , ( Q : Oh , in Maltings Lane ? ) yea , ( Q : Nitrovit now isn 't it ? ) hey ? ( Q : Is it Nitrovit now ? ) no , no , Nitrovit 's down , oh , what 's the name of that road ? Maltings Lane . ( Mrs S : Yes , That is where Nitrovit 's is . ) Nitrovit 's is , but where I was down , you go down by the railway , there 's a railway siding isn 't there ? ( Q : Oh , Baird 's , was it ? ) Yes , that 's right , yea , that was there , that 's where we were on munitions , yea , we used to unload all shells and bomb cases , they were all cases , they all had to be cleaned , all the rust took off and all cleaned and , some of them were painted and then sent back into the [ ? ? ? ] to be filled , I don 't know why they took the trouble to paint ' em , they were all painted , the shells , the big shells , yea . Mrs B : That was a busy place ' cause I mean it was all soldiers and then the Americans came and ( Q : Some in Witham were there ? ) ooh , crowds , yea . My daughter there was engaged to an American , Jean , yea ( Mrs S : She 'd got her papers signed and everything . ) she was going there , but I don 't think she , that , she , I don 't know how they signed her papers , not with the complaints she had , but I was glad she didn 't go , because she , just before she was twenty - one this complaint hadn 't really left and she died when she was just , before she was twenty - one , she died the 2nd February and she would have been twenty - one May 4th so , if she had gone out there I would never have been able to got out to America , so , but she was , she 'd had that illness from when she was about nine , wasn 't she ( Mrs S : Yes . ) when she first went to hospital . We was in the pea fields , do you remember ? ( Mrs S : Yes , that 's right . ) and she 'd got her coat on and she felt cold and I had to the doctors next morning , her legs had swollen and they sent her straight away to hospital , ooh , she was , they operated all over her , legs opened , arms , back of her neck , one leg was opened right from , the front there right up to here , had it in plaster ( Mrs S : Terrible scars , right up to here , didn 't she ? ) she had ' em all up her arm here , onto here , she had her arm , had to sleep with her arm in this thing ( Mrs S : Sling . ) so she couldn 't put it down , she had a rough time , but she got [ ? ? ? ] over it didn 't she , she went to work at the glove factory , would go , and she could have had some work to do at home , but no , she wanted to go to the glove factory , but , gotta be more careful she went to school , she was so pleased she was going to school ' cause she 'd never been to school really , she was about twelve , she come home and she went to school , I bought her a little case and I got her , she 'd got nothing to fit her because she 'd been in hospital so long , you know , and I got her a little navy blue nap coat and little beret and scarf and everything [ general chat ] Q : Did they ? that was the ones that were working ? ( Mrs B : Yea . ) Did they , and they kept the rest did they , give her the seven and six ? Mrs B : Well , they didn 't have much did they , them days ? ( Q : Well , no . ) they never earned the money , and erm , and I don 't think she got about a guinea a week off me dad , ( Q : Really ? ) not when he was working , he was a carpenter , I mean , he used to like a drink and , I mean , they liked cig , smoke a pipe they used to smoke them days , they never smoked so many cigarettes . Q : No , so how would they arrange it , would he give her , like now , housekeeping would he ? ( Mrs B : Hey ? ) He 'd give her so much housekeeping you think , and keep the rest ? Mrs B : Well , I had some married when I remember , I had erm , three at home , three brothers , ( Q : Yes . ) they were living at home , the others were married , Ted was married , George was married and Emily was married , but me brothers , I had three other brothers living at home , er , working ( Q : Yea , so she had , sort of , some off them and then off your dad , yea ? ) and erm , course I was the next one , I was still at school when they were working , till I left school , but erm , you don 't erm , you know , there 's such a , well , you had such a lot happen when you 're young , you don 't always think about it do you ? ( Q : Well , you don 't , no . ) ( Mrs S : You 're younger than them and , you know , you don 't realise until … . ) ( Q : And you don 't know what everybody else has do you ? ) No , as things are now it 's terrible . Mrs B : Oh , yes , he worked at , that used to be Lewis 's , years ago , that was in the town , know where the wine shop is [ 66 Newland Street ] ( Q : Near Farthings [ 68 Newland Street ? ) Farthings , well , my dad used to go up there and turn down a yard [ now Coach House Way ] and he had a place there where he done all his carpentry , you know , made different things , and then he used to go out to , er , these toffs ' houses , big houses and erm do jobs there , all sorts of jobs , used to go all over the place , for Lewis and Sons that was then , well I don 't know whether that was when dad worked there , ( Mrs S : I should think so . ) that was Lewis when me brothers both worked there , because Fred worked there as well ( Mrs S : Mm , I don 't remember much about that . ) and then there was somebody else took it , forget his name now , but I remember ' em changing over ( Mrs S : Yea . ) from Lewis 's , erm me sisters , course they all went to service , or me married sister , she , I remember her getting married , I was in service then at Ilford and er , she was the oldest daughter like , the others were , all the older ones were boys ( Q : Yea . ) and then there was three girls , there was me , my sister at Ilford , she 's two years a month younger than me , and then another sister I lost , she had erm ten children didn 't she , all married round about Witham . ( Q : Yea . ) She lived up erm , Whitehead 's farm , right up past the water tower [ Cressing Road ] ( Q : Yea . Oh , I know , along there , yea . ) and you go up past spinney and she lived right up the fields on a farm there , she lived there ever since her oldest girl was born , she went up there after she was born ( Q : Yea . ) and lived up there . She come back to Witham round Mill Lane into one of the bungalows and she lost a terrible lot of weight ( Q : Really ? ) at first she wasn 't used to being closed in and she couldn 't stand it and that got on her nerves I think . After living on a farm , open , all fields and everything , she , she never liked it , she died with cancer with just having a tooth out , that was under a tooth , Q : I expect erm , well your mum did pretty well to keep you all , ' cause it sounds she kept you quite nicely with your clothes and everything ? ( Mrs B : Yea . ) She did pretty well to keep you all , didn 't she ? Mrs B : Me sister used to make all our pinafores , nightdresses and petticoats , but me mum always had a dressmaker , took us to a dressmaker for our best dresses . ( Q : Yes , yes . ) She used to take us erm , I don 't know where now , I forget the name , but she always had our best frocks made , we , mine and Alice 's used to be exactly the same ( Mrs S : Miss Fuller , was it ? ) Hey ? ( Mrs S : Was it Miss Fuller ? ) ( Q : Miss Fuller , mm . ) ( Mrs S : Miss Fuller ? ) I don 't know , Grace who it was , I forget , but erm , the one what died , me sister , she was , a bit younger , she used to always have hers made on a little younger style , you know , ( Q : Yea . ) and me and me sister what 's at Ilford , ain 't many of us left now , I 've got one brother at Brightlingsea , sister at Ilford , that 's all there is innit ? Yea , they 've all died , excepting me sister at Ilford , she 's two years younger than me , my birthday 's 8 December , hers is 8 January , and I 'm 81 she 'll be 79 , she would be the 8 January , and erm I got a young brother , the youngest one of the lot , at Brightlingsea . ( Q : Yea . ) He lives there , he 's 70 , he was 72 , he come and see me , I hadn 't seen him for about 20 years , he come and see me a little while back , I wouldn 't a known him . ( Q : Really ? ) ( Mrs S : Oh , I know . ) He 'd gone grey and I remembered him when he was dark and ( Mrs S : Older ! [ Laugh ] I said everybody gets older , don 't they ? ) That 's what I mean , ( Q : People don 't realise , do they ? ) such a long time , and course I hadn 't seen him for so many years and you just picture ' em like you see ' em , you know , but when he come , well ! Mrs B : He was on the railway from when he left school . ( Q : Oh , was he , mm . ) Went to the signal box , went to the signal box as a boy , you know they always have a boy in a signal box , ( Q : Yea , I see . ) and then he went on and on , he used to drive , train driver . ( Q : Oh , right . ) When he was made , made redundant several years ago , they made a lot redundant on the railway , didn 't they ? ( Q : Yea . ) Well , he got made redundant , he 's pension age nearly anyway , so he 's got a little job erm , got his pension , and he 's got a little job at a place like Witham , like the corn stores , he does a little part - time job , ' cause he got a good bit of money being made redundant , ' cause he 'd been there since he left school . Q : Which one did you like the best ? ( Mrs B : Hey ? ) Which one , which job did you like the best ? ( Mrs B : None of them . ) None of them [ Laughter ] ( Mrs S : The seed factory I reckon . [ Laugh ] ) Mrs B : It was all right there , ' cause we used to have a bit of fun then , but then I were getting the sack for singing , ' cause they used to say to me [ Laughter ] sing and I used to sing , and that used to annoy the office underneath and poor old Freddie Springett he lived at , he 's dead now , he lived at Rivenhall , ( Mrs S : No relation [ Laugh ] . ) No relation to you and you know the latches what lift up , and everybody used to stop dead , he used to know that was me , he said ' Edie , you needn 't come back this afternoon . ' [ Mrs S laughing ] I thought ' Oh gawd I got the sack again , I shall get killed when I get home ' , so the women said ' Well , if Edie don 't come back , we don 't come back . ' so I went back ' cause I used , they used to say if you want to sing all the different songs [ ? ? ? ] . Q : I wonder what , so he didn 't say ' Right , you can all go . ' then ? ( Mrs B : Hey ? ) He didn 't give them all the sack then ? ( Mrs B : No . ) He must have needed them . Q : Yea , I suppose afterwards you got the sack at erm ( Mrs B : Pinkhams . ) Pinkhams , but presumably they didn 't , the girls didn 't think to do the same then ? ( Mrs B : Hey ? ) The girls didn 't say the same there ? Mrs B : No , there was a lot there . ( Q : Yea . ) That was my fault . ( Mrs S : There was no other factory for them in Witham , was there ? ) Hey ? ( Mrs S : There was no other place for ' em in Witham , only Pinkhams , wasn 't there ? ) Oh , they were horrible , horrible to work for they were . That Diane Pinkham , she never married and she was a horrible , ooh , she was the most miserable person I ever see and course I said , she said er , got onto me about this ink on these gloves , well , it was grease , oil off the machine , someone , see ' cause they went all round the factory , one done fingers , one put the thumbs in , one made the fingers , one done the marks down the back , the fancy marks , another one done the binding , I used to do the binding ( Q : Did they have machines or , was it ? ) machines , yes ( Q : Like sewing machines thing or ? ) all different machines ( Q : All different , yea . ) and I did the vents , you know , the binding round the , round the thingme , and this er , bundle , er , they were in dozens , erm , had some oil on , and course she said that was me , well I hadn 't touched ' em , course I said it wasn 't me , I said ' That was like that when I got ' em . ' and she said ' That was . ' I said ' That was not me . ' and so she said ' Take your cards . ' I said ' Oh , give me me cards . ' I told me mother there weren 't the work , I had to tell her something . Everywhere I went in service , I run away , I didn 't stop . But erm , girls don 't go to service today , do they ? ( Q : No . ) There 's no service today , like there used to be , that 's all there was for girls years ago , I mean , you 'd gotta learn to work , my mother used to make us turn the bedrooms out and thread the duster all through the , you know where the spring goes on the iron part , used to have to thread the duster all through there and show us , you know , and make us do everything exact , we had to work when we were kids , we all had to do something . Well , course there was nothing else for us , you gotta learn something , you gotta go in service , there 's nothing else for you . Mrs B : All sorts of jobs we had to do , ( Q : Yea . ) ' cause them days you , you had chambers [ pots ] didn 't you , ( Mrs S : Yes . ) everybody used chambers and one of us had to ( Mrs S : I still got mine at home . [ Laugh ] ) ( Q : Might come in handy ! ) I laugh when we stayed at hotel at [ ? ? ? ] and there was a little , I went up Cumberland , not the last time , the time before , there was a little thing at the cupboard thing , ( Mrs S : [ Unheard comment . ] ) a little cupboard thing near the , near the bed and when we opened that that got great big white chamber in , I swear was as thick as that , great big old heavy thing that was and I thought ' I ain 't seen one of them lately . ' [ Laugh ] Mrs B : No , right up the yard , ( Q : In the yard ? ) communal toilets , there was two rows belong the whole square ( Q : Yea . ) and they were back - to - back . ( Q : Oh , I see , yea . ) The one lot , the row was that way and another row this way , you all had your fastener to your lavatory , you know , but these old posh [ ? ] fashioned wooden ones them days , weren 't lavatories like we got now , you used to have to scrub all the front , the wood and all the top , they were all wood . Q : And that was what , there was no , sort of , weren 't flushing ones or anything ? ( Mrs B : Hmm ? ) Weren 't flushing ones ? Mrs B : Oh , they were flush , ( Q : They were ? ) yea ( Q : Oh , I see , yes . ) yea , they were flush , there was a big tank right along the top , top and they flushed all the toilets , that was when I was a kid , that was down the Square , had all flush lavatories down there . Up on the farm where my sister was they never , ooh , that was horrible , used to have to go right across the yard , up a corner didn 't we and that , ooh , the smell was terrible , had a little toilet I always remember then a big one , a little one for the children . ( Q : Really ? ) but there was no erm , there was no water flushing there , not in the country . Mrs B : Not indoors , no , we had tap outside . ( Q : I see . ) Er , one tap to two houses , there was sort of we lived here and Mrs Everett lived there and then we had the tap and the drain there . ( Q : Oh , I see . ) You know , so you 's , you only just had to come out the door to the tap , yea , that was down the Square , we had one tap between every two houses . Mrs B : Ooh , I think , forget , old er , tell you who used to come for the rent , old Philip Lee . ( Mrs S : What , down the Square ? ) Down the Square . ( Mrs S : Did he ? ) Yea , that must have been Dean mustn 't it ? ( Mrs S : Must have been , [ ? ? ? ] now , he collected [ ? ] the rent . ) I should think so , I don 't remember anybody else , but he used to collect the rents down there , mm . Mrs B : Ooh , no . Men them days never done the work . [ Laughter ] My husband never done much , unless I was , if I was , had one of the children and I weren 't too good when I was ill and that , he 'd get up , he 'd do the kitchen and I had a great big kitchen , you know , he 'd clean that up and do the kitchen as well as me , he 'd help me do a lot and he 'd turn the mangle for me when I was washing and , ' cause I 'll always remember him come down the yard one day and I got some pillow cases with flowers on and course that was folded and that was showing through , so he come , got it all mangled and he said ' Ee , something on here , is that dirt ? ' ' No . ' I said ' That 's some flowers showing through . ' they were showing through the other part , he thought there was something that was dirty or something . He always used to ( Mrs S : Carried for me sometimes . ) Hey ? ( Mrs S : He carried for me sometimes [ ? ? ? ] ) and I used to have a smoke and used to make me a cigarette and come put it in me mouth at the sink and light it for me and he made me a shade , ' cause the sun was on the , when you stood there at the window , it used to make you perspire terrible , you know , it used to run off yer , ' cause you used to , the sink was there and your window was there , me gas stove was there , but of course you got full sun on yer , he made me a shade and , to go down like that , with some stuff and wood and he used to hang it up every time I done me washing , so I was shaded there . Yea , and he used to love , love to mess about , make things , you know , ( Q : Yea . ) he made erm , when Keith [ her son ] had , started his business and had the telephone in , he made a box thing on the wall for the telephone to stand on the top and that was all formica top and er , slot underneath , piece underneath , that much , put your books in . Doctor Foster took a fancy to that , he said ' Right . ' [ ? ] well , poor old chap , he made one and er he never got quite finished it , he weren 't well , he had throm , the thrombosis and he was took ill , you know , but erm he nearly fiQ : Your dad didn 't erm , your dad , when you were a kiddy your dad didn 't help do any carpent … . , did he do any carpentry at home or anything or work really ? Mrs B : No , not really , not a lot . He done a lot of gardening . ( Q : Oh , yes . ) Had a great big allotment and he had a lovely garden at the house , we had a big piece each side , a lovely flower garden , so much flower garden and so much at the back , he used to grow all , grow celery and that at the back of the flowers , he used to have , like high chrysanths all the way round and then that , about that space was all sorts of flowers , we had some lovely [ ? ? ? ] didn 't we and he used to have all crocuses and all sorts , lilies , my mum had them coloured lilies with the spots on . Mrs B : Yea , lovely they were , she loved her flowers and little rose trees and he used to do all the gardening and he had a big allotment as well ( Q : Mm , That would take lot [ ? ? ? ] . ) grow , he used to grow , he used to do all our shoe mending . ( Q : Oh , did he ? ) Mm , dad did , yes , my husband did too , he … . Q : Did a lot of people used to do that or was it just ? ( Mrs B : Hm ? ) Did a lot of people used to do that I wonder , or was it just he specially , your dad was specially good at it ? Mrs B : Yes , he was good at it , he had all his different sized feet ( Q : Really ? ) and a bench up the shed with a thing on , what the feet fitted in ( Q : I know , yes . ) so he could stand up there with the shoes on the proper feet , he had three or four different size feet , because he used to , my husband used to shoe mend , he used to hand sew and all , my husband did , because when I used to buy the children shoes , I used to like them little white buckskin boots , little tiny ones , only had about four buttons , so I generally used to have them for the children , ' cause they used to like ' em in white , you know , when they was babies , well , when they running , first running about and er , he said ' You buy any more of these shoes with stitched soles , I 'm not doing ' em . ' , ' cause he used to take the sole off and when he took the sole off all he got was the upper , he gotta put the whole new ( Q : Oh , goodness . ) sole on again , and they damped the leather , ( Q : Yea . ) wet the leather , then they , side where they cut a slot all round like that , all the way round , so you lift , can lift a piece up , well , then when you 've stitched ' em you stitch ' em right through to the upper sole , you know , you see the kids shoes with stitching round the outside and he used to stitch them , used to make his own wax , that was some sort of hemp with some sort of wax and you rolled it and that was sort of , you had two needles , one you put in that way and one this way and pull it , and he used to stitch them soles on and then that little piece what was caught up , that was knocked down and that kept down , you know , after you 'd finished and he used to hate doing the children 's shoes when I used to buy them little stitched soles ' cause he couldn 't nail the soles on , he gotta stitch ' em . My husband always done all shoe mending ( Mrs S : Yea , he did . ) Stan did . Mrs B : He used to do it in the evenings , he worked in Crittall 's , you know ( Q : Yea . ) worked in Crittall 's for 33 ½ years . When we come from the north , see , I lived up Sunderland , South Hilton , near Sunderland , that was only about , them days twopence on the train , that 's all , only just a little way , you know , was like going on a bus from here to Witham , went on a train from South Hilton to Sunderland , that was just a short distance and erm , he always done all the shoe mending for the children , I never , never cost me nothing for shoe mending , used to go and buy his leather and , and erm , when he done some and we was up north he used go and buy a great big , great big piece of leather , you know , and what he could , cut it up for his sizes , what he wanted , he did a lot of people 's shoe mending up there . Well , he done it for a living at one time up there , but , there was the depression after the War , there was so many out of work , people couldn 't even afford to have their shoes mended ( Q : Yes , quite . ) Was terrible up there then , all the ship yards closed and hundreds , boys eighteen never done a day 's work , just walking about , there was no work , nothing . ( Mrs S : [ ? ? ? ] nothing to come back to , no doubt , [ ? ? ? ] ) Mrs B : Ooh , shopping . Play about , go out to play down the meadows , down Maldon Road and play in the meadows when we were kids , you know , and every Saturday morning there used to be a , you remember Moore 's buses ( Q : Heard of them , yes . ) used to be on the road , dunno , on the road , not long back now , they haven 't so long retired , have they ? ( Mrs S : Yes , of course , they used to be horse and carts [ ? ? ? ] . ) They had like a closed in van with two horses , they used to come from Kelvedon , and they used to stop in Witham , I used to have to go up Maldon Road on a Saturday , stop on the corner of Maldon Road where the White Hart is , waiting for them to come to Kelvedon and they used to go to Chelmsford and they used to pick up things on the way to take ' em to Chelmsford people , pick up and drop all the way back . Well , my mother used to send , there wasn 't a Maypole in Witham then , used to send for her butter and marge all at the Maypole in Chelmsford , and used to have to take the money in an envelope with the name on and then an order inside , ' cause if you bought a pound of margarine , then you had half pound give yer , free , ( Mrs S : Mm , that 's right . ) them days and I used to have to go up there at night about six , and wait for Moore to come from Chelmsford and get the parcel , they used to charge about threepence I think . ( Mrs S : Wasn 't much , I know . ) I dunno , about threepence or sixpence , I couldn 't tell you exactly , but very little , but to take your order in and bring yer stuff back and used to have to be up there to meet ' em from Kelvedon and up to meet ' em from Chelmsford at a certain time at night , you used to have to go up and wait for them to come back and get our parcel off , always remember that ( Q : I 'd never heard of that , that 's interesting , yes . That was just for the butter and the marge , you did have marge then , did you ? ) Well , we had to eat marge then , I mean , we never had the money , all my mother had to keep house with , off my father was a guinea a week , and there was a big family of us . She ______________________________________________ Author Janet GyfordPosted on 21st May 2016Categories Interviews with Witham peopleTags Edith Brown , Edith Hawkes , Grace Bishop , Grace Springett , Square , The , Trafalgar Square Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website Notify me of follow - up comments by email . Notify me of new posts by email . Post navigation Previous Previous post : Tape 007 . Mrs Dorothy Ireland ( nee Goss ) , sides 7 and 8Next Next post : Tape 005 . Mrs Edie Brown ( nee Hawkes ) and Mrs Grace Springett ( nee Bishop ) , sides 1 and 2

JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . When I awoke I was acutely aware of one thing … I was still alive . It was dark , and I could smell dust and blood . There were cracks of light shining through some sort of burlap bag that was covering my head . I was laying on my stomach with my hands bound behind my back . I could feel the cold metal of the shackles that bound my hands , and wooden planks swaying and jarring beneath me . I could hear the sounds of horse hoofs ahead of me , and I knew then that I must have been in a cart . I remember making a point not to move , I did not want whoever had me to know I was conscious . I took a moment to collect my bearings and assess things . What had happened to me to get me there , of that , I was not sure at the time . Clearly an assassin had tried and failed to take my life . He poisoned me in my cabin aboard my airship , The Dashing Stag . He then dragged me through some sort of magical portal into a dirty alley in some city . It was then that he told me that he was hired by my uncle to kill me , and then he stabbed me through the heart and left me dying in agony on the ground . What I saw and heard next still resounds in my head as clearly as the moment it happened . Two passions spoke , and I knew not which ones at the time . The first had a voice that was deep and somewhat gravelly , the second was also deep but smooth and spoke in measured , calm tones . It was then that the pain of death left me , my entire being felt as though it were awash in a bright shining light . I felt calm , and warm , and the coldness was gone as I faded into unconciousness . Now here I was , chained and miserable in some stinking cart , heading who knows where , and for who knows what . I was groggy , and my head hurt . My shoulders ached from having been in an awkward position for a long time . Still , I knew I had to try to escape if I could . I pulled on my bonds to see if they could be broken . I pulled them tight and strained to break them . As I did , the links clinked together and I winced at the noise . It was then that the shroud over my head was snatched away , and for a moment I was blinded by the bright light of the sun . A man stood above me , chuckling with a raspy , throaty laugh . My eyes adjusted , and when I saw him , I was able to make out his features . He was pale , thin and sporting a pudgy stomach from too much ale . He was maybe forty summers , with a hooked nose and wild locks of thin , greasy hair . He was grinning at me with crooked yellow teeth . I could not have been more shocked . Though I had never met the man before , I had no doubt about the ugly face that was before me . The man 's name was Trejack , a slaver chief who had been roaming around Barsaive scooping up hapless name - givers as slaves in the kingdom of Throal … right under the noses of the dwarves who prided themselves on the freedom that their kingdom bestowed on all its inhabitants . Ironically , I had just gone before the king the day of the assassin tried to kil me , and received an official Letter of Marque for Trejack and his accomplices . It stated that I , Stilicho , Ealdorman of Konigsberg , and my lieutenants , Ardor and Kerick , were now authorized by the King of Throal to hunt this man and his allies in the name of the Kingdom of Throal . Getting the letter had served multiple purposes for me . Trejack had enslaved some of my friends , and they sought vengeance . He was a slaver , and a criminal , and capturing or killing him would bolster my growing reputation . Most importantly though , having a Letter of Marque , signed by the king of Throal that stated that I was the Ealdorman of Konigsberg was invaluable to me . It meant that Throal would not recognize my usurper uncle Elfric as Ealdorman , at least as long as I lived . And here he was just a day later , smiling at me while I lay before him bloodied and in chains . I said nothing . I did not intend to confirm for him who I was . This man was not the assassin who had tried to kill me , nor could he be affiliated with him because the assassin thought he had left me dead . How Trejack found me or knew me was another question , but if given the opportunity I would sow the seeds of doubt in him about who he had . Again I said nothing , but tried to take the opportunity to look around outside of the cart . I began to move my knees beneath me so I could sit up on them . Just as I started , Trejack flipped a wooden cudgel out of his belt as quick as a cat , and I could not react fast enough with my stiff and shackled limbs before I took a shot to the side of my head that would have felled an ox . When I awoke I expected pain in my head from the cudgel . Oddly enough though , I felt no pain and my body had no aches . I was laying on a stone floor in a dimly lit room . The walls were crumbling in places , and though I was no mason I could clearly see areas of it had been patched recently . The only exit was a door made of metal bars . I was in a prison cell . There were places for many others in this cell , it could hold maybe 40 souls , but I was the only one here . There was litte in the room except a few piles of straw , some crumbling stones , and a handful of buckets for prisoners to piss in . Without making a sound I got to my feet and crept over to a small pile of crumbled wall stones . I was looking for a weapon , and I found one . A stone , broken from the crumbling wall and slightly bigger than my hand . It had a rough edge and rounded back . As perfect a weapon as I could hope for . I remember thinking that my jailors were overconfident and careless . I scooped it up and carefully made my way to the wall next to the door . I listened and could hear heavy breathing from the hall . I took a peek around the corner and caught a glimpse of a heavily built orc with a mohawk sitting on a stool around the corder , just outside of my cell door . I then heard something from the wall adjacent to my cell . A sound like something rubbing against the stone of the wall on the other side . I gambled and lightly tapped the wall , and at first , I heard nothing . Then I heard a loud scraping along the wall . Something big was over there … really big . I waited a long time , at least twenty minutes , before the big orc finally stirred . I heard his chair creak under his bulk , and then he shuffled toward the door of my cell . I clutched the rock a bit tighter . I did nothing . I didn 't move and I remained absolutely still . The orc waited , his breathing heavy . I remember thinking that these orcs must not be used to having just one prisoner in this cell , for it was too big to watch . They were used to having a bunch of prisoners in it whom they didn 't particularly care about , and didn 't have to pay attention to . He stated that in a threatening voice , but also somewhat pleading . Clearly this orc didn 't want to deal with any trouble , and though he thought I was simply hiding , which I was , he also had a slightest bit of doubt in his voice . He had to know I was a high value prisoner , and I 'm sure he was thinking that he didn 't want to be the one responsible for sleeping on the job while I escaped . I heard another orc come from somewhere else in the room . The two stood there for a few minutes muttering about where I could have gone . Odda seemed to think I was just hiding out of sight in the cell , but I could tell that he too was nervous . Finally , the other one who 's name I learned was Grodnag said ; " Go get Ned . " I heard Odda jog off . I noticed I could hear the creak of leather armor as he left , and the jingle of weapons in a belt , so I knew I was dealing with fighting name - givers here . The Grodnag stupidly pressed his face to the bars to try to see in , I could have crushed his face easily with my rock . But I didn 't know if he had a key to the door , so I waited . The threat of Ned showing up was wasted on me . I was guessing Ned had a key on him , which meant that I wanted Ned there , and I would see for myself how tough he was once he got there . Luckily for me , I did not have to wait long . I heard blades being drawn from scabbards and the beautiful sound of a key hitting the lock and being turned . The lovely click as the door unlocked . Then , the metal grinding of the ill - kept door swinging open . I grinned . I struck like a lion , with a roar I charged forward from my hiding place , rock in hand . Ned , I saw , was a massively built orc wearing studded leather armor and carrying a broad sword . He was gritting his teeth , ready for my attack and he swung his blade in an arc designed to drive me back . It was the wrong move , I was too close for such an attack . Ned , though a competent fighter was not a warrior . He was not a soldier who trained daily for war . He was a slaver , soft , and used to dealing with helpless and desperate slaves already beaten into submission . Now he faced a man of Konigsberg , a people with the heart of the wolf and favored by Thystonius . His attack was futile . I got my left arm under his sword arm , and swatted it away as I brought the rock down in a crushing blow atop his head . Luckily for Ned , he was wearing an iron helmet , otherwise that blow would have crushed his skull . Instead my rock crashed into his helmet , denting it badly , and the blow knocked him back into his buddies , and then he stumbled , stunned , and fell to the ground . His blade had fallen out of his hand , and before the others could even react , I had scooped it up . The orc behind Ned , Odda lunged at me with a spear , a crude , desperate thrust that I easily parried . I then counter - stroked with my own thrust , catching the surprised orc in the throat . Blood flowed down his chest as he collapsed to the floor mortally wounded . I kicked him in the face as he went down for good measure . Grodnag was now in front of me . He had just watch me effortlessly dispatch his comrades , and I saw not fear in his eyes , but the recognition that he could not win . To his credit he did not run or surrender , but he fought defensively , trying desperately to parry my attacks and prolong the inevitable . But he was no match for me , he unbalanced himself trying to block one of my overhand swings , and I knocked him to the floor with a kick . Then , as he was toppling to the floor I brought the hilt of my blade down onto his head , knocking him out cold . Two more orcs then came charging into the room , a third trailing behind , when the game completely changed . I was tasting freedom and I spun to face my new attackers with relish . Then without warning a loud explosion of sound came from the cell adjacent to my own . Rocks tumbled into the hallway , the cell door had been blasted from the wall along with the stone holding it in place . A huge form crashed into the hall , tangled in the cell door which it had just blasted through . The orc nearest me screamed with fear ; " The beast is out ! ! ! " A massive ogre then untangled himself from the cell door and grabbed the cringing orc in the hallway , and smashed his head like a broken melon against the stone wall . Then the ogre charged into the room with the other two orcs and I . All three of us backpedaled . It scooped up something that looked like a tree trunk laying in the corner and proceeded to smash both of the orcs as I backed into my cell . The beast eyeballed me , then roared and left the room , charging madly down the hallway . I stood waiting for a moment just outside of my former cell , and then I took a moment to remove Ned 's armor , gather up some weapons , a helmet , and a shield . I then dragged Ned and Grodnag 's unconcious forms into the cell and I locked the door with Ned 's keys . I put the keys in a satchel I took off Odda 's corpse , and began to search for a way out . I made my way through the building we were in . It was an ancient place , with what was once likely beautiful stonework that was now crumbling in many places . Clearly the cell I had been placed in was make - shift . I guessed the structure to be pre - scourge , but I didn 't know for sure . I wandered through the building , seeing dead orcs , more cells , and evidence of the ogre 's rampage throughout the corridors . I found a couple of rooms with useful equipment and food that I gathered up . Eventually I found a stairwell leading up . I made my way into the sunshine , temporarily blinded by the sudden light . I saw no sign of additional orc guards or the ogre . It was then that I noticed that this was a temple that I had been kept in . What would have been a beautiful place that had fallen into ruin . I stood looking in awe at it , something deep in my soul was tugging at me , telling me there was more too this place . But I couldn 't stay , for all I knew an army of orcs with Trejack at their head was coming back any second . I didn 't know where I was , all I knew was that I had to get out and get out now . It was late in the day , and I didn 't have much time left . I could see the spine of the Eastern Twilight Peaks off in the distance to the West . Too far away to walk in such treacherous terrain . To my East appeared the Tundersky Peaks in the distance , much too far away . That meant that somewhere not too far to the North had to be the serpent river … and if I could make it to that , I could possibly make my way to Ayodmya … and salvation . Ahead of me was a well worn path leading away . I could see occasional footprints of the ogre in the dirt . I followed that for a ways , keeping my sword ready . I then saw what looked like a camp in the middle of a cluster of large trees . The road passed through it . There were several tents , a couple of blood stains where the ogre apparently had taken a fresh victim , but no bodies . One tent was smashed in on one side . I saw food , and supplies in it . That was something I badly needed if I was going to hike my way out of here . I plodded over to the tents , where I noticed many airship anchor marks on the ground . I then realized that this clearing wasn 't just an encampment , but a wind break and cover to hide a ship . A sky captain would take his vessel in here , and drop down below the treetops to drop anchor and stay out of the wind and free of wandering eyes . This camp was probably used for many purposes , but one would undoubtedly have someone on the ground to secure the anchor when dropped . This was probably how Trejack had gotten me here . I ducked into one of the tents . Inside I found a fine travelers pack made of soft , gray leather , possibly Theran make . I stuffed it full of food . Then I filled up a couple of water skins , and grabbed a few other things for the road including a fine bed roll . Just as I was getting ready to leave , I heard footsteps approaching that I knew could only be the ogre . I did not want to tangle with the ogre . It had easily crushed the orc guards here , and though they were also no match for me , I did not wish to get into a melee with such a creature . I had a long way to go , and I did not know who or what would be pursuing me , and I didn 't want to be maimed or worse . Plus I thought an ogre running around might help deter my pursuit . I decided to stay in the tent and hope the beast would simply pass by . The beast plodded into the middle of the camp and stood there . I could hear it sniffing the air , almost like a dog picking up a scent . Then , with a loud ripping sound , the entire canvas of the tent was torn up from the ground around me , steaks and all ! The ogre hesitated for a moment when it saw me , I assume he recognized me not as a hated guard but as a fellow prisoner . However he didn 't hesitate for long , and his club came crashing down . It was a blow that could have killed the Thundra , but I anticipated it . I stepped inside the swing and drove my blade into the arm of the beast , causing him to howl in pain . He then raised the club over his head , winding up for a massive overhand strike . I stabbed upward into his left shoulder , which caused him to lose his grip on his club . The force of his backswing , caused the club to spin around and smack him right in the back of his head . He crashed to the ground in a heap , knocked out but certainly not dead . I debated what to do about the ogre . I then decided to bind his shoulder wound and be off . There was nothing more I could do for him , and kiling him didn 't seem right since he had aided my escape . There was almost no light left in the day and I had a long ways to go .

Journal with quotes , poetry , lyrics . : " If you forget everything else about me , please remember this . I walked down that street and I never looked back and I love you . I love you . I love you so much that I shall hate you for ever for today . " / / " I hope we find our way back to each other . " Journal with quotes , poetry , lyrics . " If you forget everything else about me , please remember this . I walked down that street and I never looked back and I love you . I love you . I love you so much that I shall hate you for ever for today . " / / " I hope we find our way back to each other . " " I am in no competition with no one . I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone . I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday . " " I want to say that with you , I wear myself like a second best skin , I want to say that I love you but what I mean is that you are every daydream I 've had about the future , you are the walk with the dog in the sunny park , you 're the foggy bathroom windows and the sleepy morning kisses . What I mean is that you are not always good and I still catch my breath , what I mean is that somewhere inside of me there is a bird singing a song for you and I couldn 't tell you what she 's saying but I know that she means it . I want to say that I love you but what I mean is thank you , what I mean is you 're the first mouth I 've kissed , what I mean is your hands and mine . I love you and here I am and here you are and whichever glorious light we 're standing in belongs to us , complete , here and now , it 's all ours . " me small and sad . I am grateful for the woman I am becoming . None of that . No running after people . No begging . No giving love without having it returned . Thank you thank you . " I want to be your late night phone call , and your drunken texts . I want to be your desperation . Your shaking and your hands and your whole heart put in my palms . I want your bitten nervous lips . Your jerk of the steering wheel when the phone rings . Your arm around the shoulder and hand around the neck . Yeah ? Her ? Yeah , that 's my girl . Your proud and your stubborn chin . Your jealous kisses . Kiss until your body is full . Kiss until your hands are brimming . Kiss until you can tip yourself liquid at my feet . Full of heart , mouth full of promises and dirty wants . I want your shoes at the bottom of my bed and your toothbrush in my bathroom drawer . I want your morning breath and sleepy fists over sleepy eyes . I want your thighs . Your kitten naps . Your sullen and your grouchy . I want your fire . I want to be your zenith . Your first point of contact with the sky . Eyes full of sky , eyes full of sun . Your knees and downturned mouth . Your knees and your bowed head . Your knees and your knees and the floor and your goddamn knees . There is a mountain in Nepal , they say when the sun hits it , it is the most beautiful thing anyone could ever see . I want to be your morning sunrise peak . I want to be your mountain girl . " " The best gift you are ever going to give someone - the permission to feel safe in their own skin . To feel worthy . To feel like they are enough . " I believe in forever and I believe in the forevers that exist in the moments that mean something to me and they 're both equally as lovely and important . said : Teach me to be brave , lend me the courage of your conviction . It 's been nearly a year and I haven 't spoken a word to her . when you 've been waiting months and months to kiss someone and you get to touch them and rub your thumb across their bottom lip and their mouth opens breathing against your skin and you 're trembling and they 're trembling even though they 're bigger and stronger than you and that elastic stretch of time between your eyes and theirs and your mouth and theirs and how it 's almost enough , standing in that space together , fingertips skating across skin you 've been longing and longing for and it 's enough . Standing together , shaking and yearning and wanting . together . " I am always fleeing towards you . You are every place I 've wanted to visit . You are every campsite , every sunrise , every mountain peak . I 'll pack my bags . I 'll bury under and set up shop inside you . I 'll write a sign and I 'll call it home . " - AZRA . T . , " YOU ARE THE WARMEST PLACE I ' VE EVER LIVED IN " " I don 't want to be a piece of art . Nobody touches artwork . They just look from afar and move on . " " Loving someone who cannot love you the same way in return is not weakness . It 's one of the most courageous things you 'll ever do . You are putting your armour at their feet and you are saying ' I will not fight you in this . I have loved you and that means that I have already won . ' " He loved her in a subtle kind of way . It wasn 't the kind of love you see in movies , with swelling music and giant gestures and running through the streets to catch a departing train . It wasn 't the kind of love that Byron or Shakespeare wrote about , with flowery language and hyperbole and iambic pentameter . It was still and deep , like water that you might mistake for shallow if you just watched the surface . It was entirely his , not dependent on her own feelings for him , and it would still be there whether she , or him , or everyone else on the world disappeared . It was a subtle kind of love , but it was true . " I can 't do it . I 've been so good , but I just can 't go on . He comes into the bathroom when I 'm flossing my teeth . I long to be in an elevator with you , stuck between floors . Tell me something filthy . I hate love , don 't you ? " " Go slowly . I have to get used to it . I talked to you so much when you weren 't there , it 's strange for me to talk to you for real . " " I wondered if you thought we were lost . We weren 't lost . We were loss . And meanwhile , all I could think about was the innumerable ways I would 've loved to have eaten you . How being devoured can make one cry . " " Hi Jacob , I can 't believe that I missed you again , you must be sleeping or building . What is it this time ? A cot , a bed , an entire house just under your ribcage so I can move in and live there , right next to your heart ? I can 't believe that I miss you as much as I do . I think that I move when you move . That 's weird , isn 't it ? That I can feel you shifting from across the ocean . Everything pulls at me with greedy little hands and none of it is you . You don 't know how much that I want it to be you . Always , at 1AM when I 'm not sleeping because you 're awake and I can feel it . I can feel that gulf between us and I want to jump into it because maybe I 'll meet you there , somewhere in the middle . I don 't think that I saw anything before I met you , or felt anything , really . You touched me and it all lit up . The entire world opened its mouth and down there , right in the belly of it , was you . It was always , always you . Did you know that ? How we 'd be our only miracle . That first day when we drank tea , and my cup was as big my face . We laughed like raindrops . Did you know that you 'd look at me like I was the most beautiful piece of furniture you 'd ever seen ? God , Jacob , it 's so fucking empty without you here . I don 't know how to breathe in rooms that you 're not in . You 're the best piece of poetry I 've ever read . You 're the only one I 've ever written , I 'm serious , they all sound like your name . Like I 'm signing off ' ' To Jacob , come back come back come back , love Anna . ' Dear Jacob , come home , please . I love you . I miss you Like Crazy , call me when you 're free . " stop it . stop whoring your heart out for men . stop trying to be what they want you to be . stop chopping off healthy beautiful parts of yourself for them . real true love does not demand that you be anything other than what you are . real true affection celebrates you in all your flawed and intricate glory . that is what it looks like . that is what love looks like . acceptance . " I hope you know that no one will love you like I did . That 's not bitter , or resentful , it 's just the truth . I hope she kisses your freckles . I hope she looks after you in the dark . Nurtures and adores the angry and the fight of you . I hope she marvels at the ugly beauty of your nose . That she touches your skin with all the wonder of a child seeing their first firework show . That she 's good to you . Doesn 't get too angry when you don 't talk to her for a few days . Waits patiently for you to come back and love her again . Faithful , just like you need . But know , it won 't be the same . It won 't even come close to the thunderstorms that were moving beneath my skin from what I felt for you . I would have loved you . I would have kept stoking that fire until I was shaking and smouldering with it . Until every word I hiccuped began to sound like ' come closer . ' I would have loved you till there was nothing left . Until we were both empty and full from the storm of it . That doesn 't happen often , not everyone can wring themselves out so completely and still be spilling over . So I hope she loves you , I really do . But I also hope that you know it 's not the same . I hope you realise what you lost and somewhen , 40 years from now , that realisation shakes you to the bone . " If they want to talk to you , they will , that 's the bottom line . Try for them once , and then leave it alone . Don 't chase . ( Under advisement , depends on the situation because sometimes you need to try your hardest for someone . ) If they cheat on you , leave . OR give them one more chance if you can 't bring yourself to just walk away and if it happens again , then leave . If they hurt you in any way , leave . If they 're emotionally abusive or manipulative , leave . Yes , you should take the leap if you think they 're gonna be your forevermore . Yes , you will get over them , you 've got hundreds and hundreds of potential soulmates and they 're all different and unique and somehow still your soulmate . Don 't put a boy over your closest friends , ever , you 'll regret it . I know that it hurts , but you will get better if you let yourself move on . Be gentle and be careful with your heart when it 's healing . Don 't let loneliness send you running into the arms of someone who isn 't good for you . You are still special and beautiful and wonderful even if they didn 't want to be with you . Even if they chose someone else . It doesn 't detract from how lovely your existence is and you 'll find someone who wants to share that light with you if that 's what you want . Long distance relationships are hard ! But if you like someone enough , you can make it work by being very patient and very open about what you 're feeling . No , you are not ugly . Nothing on you is ugly . Nothing about is ugly . Beauty is a construct and you get to make it . Tell yourself you 're beautiful . Say it so long and so often that you begin to believe it . Be loyal , be honest , communicate , be kind , be gentle . Be brave . Always , just be brave with it . " I 'm sorry all the kisses I scribbled on your neck were written in disappearing ink , sorry this poem took thirteen years to reach you . " I promise to be kind . to never be cruel without reason . to never act out of spite even after a tumultuous end . this is the one thing I can do . " Nothing worthwhile was without risk . You had to decide whether your feelings were strong enough to make it a risk worth taking . " " The God 's honest truth is this : I wanted to ruin you . It was selfish and it was delicious . I wanted you to pick out the bones of me from between your teeth for years after I happened to you . And I did happen to you . We made sure of that , didn 't we ? Happened like the aftermath of some gruesome accident , it was so bloody and raw that you had to stop to look , didn 't you ? And then you couldn 't take your eyes off it . It was inside of you for as long as you could remember . Then you had nightmares about all of that ugliness for days . That was how I wanted you , half thrilled and half terrified that you were never going to forget what it looked like . That it would be a splinter that never worked itself out of your skin and you 'd feel it whenever you brushed against somebody else . And why should you ? When I loved you like that . How could you forget ? My body so full that if the ocean tried to take me , the only thing that would come back up to shore was you . Or a bag full of bones curled around the shape of your name . I loved you like how an abscessed tooth beats at the root , incessant and painful and raw . I would have swallowed the entire Earth whole if you 'd asked me to . I would have taken the sky by the corners and ripped it away from the horizon . So yes , it was the hungriest I 'd ever been . It was the most glorious I 'd ever been , with you like that stomach like a furnace , stomach like a hungry pride of lions . Point me in the direction of any God you know and I 'll tell him , I 'll get on my knees and beg him to never let you go , ' I want to ruin that man . I don 't want him to ever forget me . ' " You think you 're going to be hip and teen forever and then suddenly you find yourself drinking red wine and playing board games and lusting after men with beards I want to capture in words that exact breathtaking moment when you are sitting across from someone , laughing , and their laughter turns to breathing and their eyes drop to your mouth and stray away but keep coming back over and over and you know without a shadow of a doubt that there is nothing they want to do more than kiss you and I think those moments are one of the most electrifying ever " If you 're asking , yes , I did it . If you 're asking , I was angry . I was angry and yes , " Don 't ever think I fell for you , or fell over you . I didn 't fall in love , I rose in it . I saw you and made up my mind . " " I was tired of men . Hanging in doorways , standing too close , their smell of beer or fifteen - year - old whiskey . Men who didn 't come to the emergency room with you , men who left on Christmas Eve . Men who slammed the security gates , who made you love them and then changed their minds . Fortresses of boys , their ragged shrubs full of eyes following you , grabbing your breasts , waving their money , eyes already knocking you down , taking what they felt was theirs . " I couldn 't tell you in any of the ways I knew how , it was strange because I spoke too often and so loud you often told me to shut up , but when I opened my mouth , I was always distracted . Your cheeks looked like freshly picked apples in the light , I wanted to sink my teeth into them . On Monday morning I felt the words rising in my throat like bile only I was stupid enough to look at you and I swear that I forgot what day it was because you were so fucking beautiful standing in the light falling from the open kitchen windows that God himself couldn 't have forced the sentiment from my mouth . And that 's how it went , I tried and I lost it , there was always something to derail me and I could never explain to you how even the spread of freckles across your nose turned my stomach so heavily that I couldn 't remember what languages I 'd learned . Sometimes I whispered them to you in Bengali at night whilst you were lying across my stomach , over and over again like the lyrics from a favourite song and you 'd ask me in your sleepy voice what I meant and all I could say was ' I 'm asking if you 'll make me a sandwich . ' You 'd pinch my stomach and roll your eyes until your lashes fluttered against my skin and curse in frustration . Sometimes you kissed me so hard I wondered if you were trying to lick the words out of my mouth . I tried to tell you in other ways , quietly and gently , I bought your favourite blend of chocolate milk and didn 't let anyone drink it because when your stomach hurt you 'd put your head on my shoulder and cradle the cup in your hands . I learned your favourite song on guitar and it took me three whole weeks to pluck up the courage to show you but I peeked under my lashes when I was playing and your smile , boy , it looked like rain on desert and it was worth the sore nails . You asked me to play on Saturday night , you told me that you wished I could say it , but I couldn 't so I strummed it through my fingers instead and let you eat the last slice of cake . You must have known then , when I shook for you at night and held your hands until my nails were tattoos on your skin , when I sat through hours of Lord of the Rings for you , that even though you hadn 't heard me say it yet , I was still telling you in a thousand different ways , I was still telling you . " I forgive you , I forgive you and she 's got her hands in your hair and her mouth on your mouth and she 's sucking the poison out of you and maybe you 're an empty room and it hurts that the sun doesn 't touch your darkest corners anymore and it hurts but she loves you and she 's there and she loves you and she 's twisting her fingers around the gaps in your hipbones and kissing you so clean that you 're gasping and it 's alive and it 's brutal and redemption is the house of your body and how the tenants left and how quiet it was inside of you , how you forgot what you did there . How many hearts did you break ? How many did you eat ? How much dirt were you ? How much ugly did your eyes see ? And she found you , and found you and dug you out of yourself and thought you were sweet as wine and tasted you and wanted to keep you . Wanted to hold you in the heart of her and keep you and keep you . I forgive you and she didn 't ask , I forgive you and she didn 't care what you did or who you hurt , I forgive you and how she put herself on the ground next to you , I forgive you , I forgive you . Kiss your forehead , wipe the salt from your eyes , taste the ocean roaring like thunder in your belly , I forgive you , her hands were olive branches and she fed them to you . And how careful you moved in her and how touching her felt like burning , and how you were an empty house and she was a chair and she put herself inside you and the tenants came back and drank sweet cherry wine in the pit of your stomach and the sun came back , I forgive you , how light her hands were , I forgive you , how soft . " " You 'd take him back in a heartbeat if he asked you to . And that 's the fucking problem . That 's what keeps you from moving on . " 3 . Your heart can break for a love that was never yours . " " I have told the sky all my loneliest thoughts of you . And all it does is shine star light back at me . But I guess that 's what makes it such a good listener . " " I still remember every song you told me to listen to . " " They both loved each other but they both found each other after they had already declared that they loved someone else deeply and said that they intended to be with that person foreverThey both love their loved ones they really do but they also love each other maybe even moreHe always surprises his " other half " with flowers and chocolate he loves her family and they love him her mother is proud of her finding a boy like himbut his heart always aches for her his " friend " he only tells her about the darkest corners of his heart over coffee on sunny days and she often makes him burst out laughing and its as if he forgets any pain he ever tastedShe devotes her whole life to her so called " soulmate " She remembers every small detail about him is always there for him when he comes back home tired after a hard day of work she always readily gives him kisses and hugs and all her loveBut She always looks forward to spending time with him it 's as if she spends her entire life waiting for those few moments that she gets to spend with him sometimes she feels as if her entire world has come crashing down around her and she somehow manages to dial his number and he always picks up without fail and he is the only one who knows what to say to convince her that life is worth living after allBut they swallow it " it " being something they don 't quite understand they hush it they tell their heart to be quiet they tell each other that after all they are just good friends friends who can 't imagine living without each other but they both feel as if they could lose the person who they are with and they would still be okay because they have each otherBut they swear t " I never stopped loving you , I just stopped showing it . I am still madly in love with you . " A REAL man , yes a REAL man would make it clear to you that you are what he wants by committing himself to you . A fake BOY will just make you think that he wants you but his intentions aren 't pure . He 's using you to pass time . Know the difference between a real MAN and a foolish little BOY . " I remember crying over you , not just a couple of beads of tears . I remember gasping for air , beating my fist against my chest trying to rip my heart out . Trying to get the pain to stop . You should have skinned me alive instead , it probably would have hurt less . " " Life went on without you . Of course , it did . Of course , it does . It was just an ending , they tell me , not the end . " " He 's gonna be so sorry he lost you , so stop worrying . Forget the past , forget the pain , and remember what an incredible woman you are . When you do that , is when he realize what he 's lost . " Who cares if he stays ? It 's the way in which he tends to you . Would you want to be held by a bed of nails ? If he loves you , he will caress you with a gentle and understanding touch , even when things are a bit troublesome . He should have it no other way . Don 't look back and wonder why things went wrong . Don 't regret not doing more . It happened for a reason . Your better days are ahead of you . I hope you all find someone who gives you cute names and tells you it 's adorable when you do embarrassing things and hugs you when it 's early in the morning and makes you feel like you have a whole disneyland fireworks show going off inside your body and never ever lets you go don 't let the sadness sit . don 't let it get comfortable . keep it on its feet . busy . working . keep it sweating . let it lose weight . I hope one day we can meet . I don 't believe in fate , but if I did , I would want it to make us meet . Just once . Intelligence has nothing to do with whether you are right or wrong . Whether you are questioning what you are told is what intelligence is all about . Question everything , especially yourself . Truth , in its most basic form , is an illusion . Truth is nothing more than the relationship between a concept or thing and that said person 's perspective . Truth is something you decide to believe in , after evaluating ( hopefully ) the given evidence that your consciousness or perspective allows you to understand . Truth is a lie that you have constructed and rationalized using your limited knowledge of the known world . I find this so comforting , the fact that we 're all , for the most part , living a lie . I find it even more comforting that after realizing this you no longer feel the pressure of living by a truth . No longer feel the pressure of having to have a sense of this world and with your lies left behind , you may go as freely as you came . It 's funny . We 're all just light bulbs waiting to be turned on . We walk around this big room with our lights turned off . We make ourselves so transparent , we are so afraid to shine , that we make ourselves as transparent as everyone else . We keep to ourselves and keep our lights down low , and we 're all the same you know , I swear we are . We 're all just waiting for that one person , that one conversation , that one thing that gives us the excuse to shine brightly . We stand there next to the switch assessing the situation to see just how brightly we can shine without outshining the others . Well , fuck all of that . Shine until your light explodes . Stop dimming yourself for other people , it is a disservice to yourself and to them . The fact that you are alive and have a light to call your own should be enough to make you want to lighten up the entire room . Shine brightly whenever possible and don 't worry about who needs to cover their eyes to see you . Van Gogh , Wordsworth , and even Keats all looked up at the same stars . At the same ocean and the same moon . But if they saw you they would all roll over in their graves , realizing that they missed the most inspirational piece of art to ever exist . I said I did - I always do . She asked me if I cared to join her outside . I said I did - I always do . Once we got outside I offered her my lighter . She laughed , shook her head , and took out She said that she missed a look of mine . A look that I had not made in a while , at least according to her . She told it that the look was the one I made when I deeply desired something . It 's been about a month and a half since we ended and I made that look today . I couldn 't even help it . It turns out that I missed that look as well . This one 's for you , name I do not know , at least for now . You don 't understand how easy you are to need Still , I 'll be waiting for your touch every single night . I 've learned that you can tell a lot about a person , by the way ( s ) he handles these three things : that which they do not understand , the hearts of others and failures . Let me go down on you . Let me show you that you are a manifestation of the cosmos . Better yet , a personification , and my favorite so far . Let me go down on you . Your lover should inspire you . She should inspire you to learn new things every single day . I don 't mean that she should tell you to do so . I mean that when you 're out to dinner with her , and you see just how happy every single bite makes her it inspires you to learn how to cook . So one day you can cook up a five - star meal , sit there and watch as she makes that adorable face she makes when she 's eating something tasty . If your lover doesn 't inspire you in this way , you are with the wrong person . " I will never forget the way you looked at me . " I swear , I never will " I can 't fucking share someone , god dammit I 'm one selfish person . I want one person all to myself , their laughs and tears , I want to be the first person they tell when something happens , good and bad , I want to piss them off at 2pm , make up for it at 6pm , and to save them at 2am . I need some one all to myself or not at all . "

Like something you 've read here ( or not ) ? Leave a comment ! Tell a friend . I 'd be truly grateful . And thanks so much for stopping by ! Site Feed I 've hit a bit of a brick wall . It 's the same one I always hit when I 'm writing , and while I 'm not surprised , I am a bit disappointed . I had hoped that I would bypass whatever this is by blogging my novel , but the self doubt and all the other negative self - talk bullshit I put myself through is right here , front and center , staring me in the face . My depression has reared its ugly head again also . I yelled at the kids all day , and was generally a bitch to anyone who was close by [ which was just my family since I didn 't go anywhere ] This could be partially hormonal . Also because I haven 't been doing my meditation regularly . Plus I just got over being sick , and we 've had an incredibly stressful time of it financially the past month . I guess I just need to wallow for a few hours Then I 'll rest , meditate , pray , and shower [ water always makes me feel better ] . I 'll maybe blog about all this when it 's over . For now , I 'm done . I 'll be better tomorrow . I REFUSE to do this again . I will not be defeated . Okay , I found a blog in a roundabout way through going to an atheist 's blog and watching Christians [ and not the brightest Christians , I might add . . . Why oh why do the smart ones hide and the dumb ones are just out there for the world to see . And point at . And laugh at . Ugh . Wears me out sometimes . And unfortunately , I 'm not too bright either , so I fear I look just as ignorant as the others , but I digress . . . I was telling you about this blog I found ! ] Where was I ? Oh yes . I was watching [ reading ? ] the Christians try to argue the atheist into believing [ which never works , by the way ] or at least I think that 's what they were trying to do . And the atheist was eviscerating the Christians , because they couldn 't really come up with anything logical to say about why they believed what they believed , and why their religion was better than anyone else 's religion [ yeah , if you 've read my blog very long you know that I 've been trying to figure out that very thing , so I 'm no help whatsoever , and I 'm just helplessly reading [ and cringing ] as the Christian finally gets angry and says , " Well , when the world ends , we 'll see who 's right , won 't we ? " or some such thing . And then , in walks this guy , who is Agnostic , and he proceeds to systematically answer every argument the atheist came up with , and counter it with an incredibly intelligent , well thought out answer . And I had to laugh when the atheist , who had been giving all the believers a hard time for taking things personally and not really answering his points against belief , took the Agnostic 's arguments personally , and didn 't really answer his points for belief . Religious arguments are pointless , because the very fact that they are arguments means that each person has built a wall around themselves to defend their own viewpoint , and isn 't really interested in hearing what the other side has to say [ political arguments are just as pointless ] . so naturally , the atheist wasn 't convinced that there might be something out there . I also noticed that his main beef was with the Abrahamposted by Shelbi | 1 : 20 AM Okay , so I 'm reading around the ' net at some of my Democrat friends ' blogs , and I 'm reading about Sam Alito 's views on Executive [ the president 's ] power . One article is here [ specifically this paragraph : " A close reading of Alito 's answers raises concerns that he might indeed be an advocate of broad and unchecked presidential power . If Alito fulfills these fears on the Court , he could support those who insist that the president 's power in the war on terrorism is essentially unconstrained . And unconstrained power can lead to abuses - - such as torture , illegal surveillance , or detention without charge - - that undermine the core values of American society . " ] * * Emphasis mine , to remind us all that these very things have been happening to people of Middle Eastern descent in our very own country , and in Iraq . This scares the bejeebers out of me , people ! You can 't do that to your fellow humans , for any reason ! ! Another article is here . That one was written last month before the hearings began , and it focuses mostly on what worries me about Alito : Executive Power . The conservatives are focusing solely on Alito 's views on abortion , and have completely glossed over the fact that he thinks the pres . Should be allowed to do pretty much what he wants . It 's called " Unitary Executive Theory " click the link for the whole article , but below is a quote about the Bush Administration . I 'm gonna edit it a little because it 's really long , but you can go read the whole article in Wikipedia [ that 's the link ; - ) ] " The Bush administrationThis administration seems to interpret the theory [ of unitary executive power ] more extremely than the previous ones . As for what specific constitutional limitations on the judicial power President Bush may have in mind , there is heavy speculation that it relates to Professor John Yoo 's position that the use of military force is , like presidential vetoes and pardons , an unreviewable matter . President George W . Bush has applied the theory of the " unitary executive " in many of his decisions , most significantly in relatposted by Shelbi | 2 : 07 PM Scene seven is up at NIP IT IN THE BUTT . I got 1 , 111 words in just over an hour , so YAY me ! I 'm not gonna be able to get 50 , 000 words in a month like I 'd hoped [ I signed up for NaNoWriMo in November , but gave it up for blogging . By next year , I 'll be so prolific I won 't need to join ! Positive thinking is GOOD , I tell you ! ! ! ] But the fact that I got over a thousand words in an hour is pretty good , don 't you think ? I bought Lynn Viehl 's [ aka Paperback Writer ] Way of the Cheetah [ which you can find by clicking on the one add I have on my blogs over to the left . . . Hint hint ! ] Is it possible that just reading it increased my productivity in one afternoon ? I dunno , but I feel a bit like a cheetah tonight . I also bought Holly Lisle 's Create A Character Clinic when it first came out , and her ideas sparked an antagonist [ bad guy ] who , if I can get him down right , will be three dimensional . I 'm hoping that you will be able to see that any one of us could end up doing the same kinds of things if put in the right circumstances . He 's dealt with a tragedy in the only way he knew how . He 's trying to make the world a safer place , but the means he 's using is horrible . We 'll see if it translates to the page [ but not for a while yet , I 'm still working on getting my supporting characters { good guys } put into place . ] I 'm really excited about what 's coming in the story . I don 't know if it 'll be done in 50 , 000 or not . I kinda just pulled that number out of the sky [ probably from NaNo ] . And I 'm not sure it 's going to be young a adult book anymore . I still don 't know how dark this thing is going to get . I love humor in books , and I don 't know if it 's gonna be funny , either . The scene tonight with the vomit spray was funny when I pictured it , but who knows if anyone else will think it 's funny ? Okay , I 'm done with the angst - ing [ I 'm sure there 's a wonderful Yiddish word for that , but I 'm too lazy to look it up . Thanks to Doug for that link a while back ! ] Anyway , speaking of lazy , it 's after one in the morning and I have to go to church in the morposted by Shelbi | 12 : 35 AM Welcome back ! We went to " The Farm " [ my parents ' house ] for a couple of days , hence my silence in the great blog - o - sphere . I 've missed this dreadfully ! My mom is on dialup , and anytime there was a chance to be on the computer [ i . e . when the kids and my crazy grandma were in bed ] Mom was in there , working feverishly , trying to finish up some stuff that she can 't get done when my grandma is awake . Grandma has been diagnosed with Alzheimer 's Disease , so she 's a real trip to be around . She has to be the center of attention at all times , so when mom tries to get anything done in a different room [ or do anything that isn 't watching TV in the living room with Grandma ] she goes into a tizzy and basically throws a temper tantrum . It 's exhausting for mom [ she doesn 't believe me when I say I have the same problems with my kids . Anytime I 'm in here on the computer , they have seven thousand things they need help with , but if I 'm in the living room watching something on TV that they want to watch , they all go to their rooms to play quietly . There has to be a name for that ! ] Anyway , Mom 's working herself into an ulcer over this stuff , and that is a Bad Thing . There is a lot of not - so - good history between them , and it 's hard for mom not to take Grandma 's behavior personally . I don 't know how to help , and since I 'm three and a half hours away , there 's not much I can do to give mom a break now and then . In a similar situation , I don 't know if I could have held out this long [ it 's been several months since Grandma moved in ] . I don 't know what the best course of action is , but I know that she can 't go on like she has been . It 's too stressful for her to deal with the constant verbal attacks , constant repetition of questions and statements , and complete lack of consideration for my mom 's needs by my Grandma . Grandma may not be capable of thinking about anyone but herself anymore , but that doesn 't mean that it doesn 't hurt my mom 's feelings when Grandma criticizes her . Jeez , what an impossible situation . If you pray , would you pray for my mposted by Shelbi | 5 : 15 PM This is one of those times when I don 't have words to do it justice . Jill Carroll is the reporter who was kidnapped a couple of weeks ago . I found out about blogging our support for her release through Balls and Walnuts , who got it from Blue Gal . If you pray , please pray for her safe release . One thing that is pretty impressive , and probably under - reported is the amount of Muslim support for her release . Jill has written numerous articles about the effect of the war on Iraqi citizens . They give a picture of the humanity of the Iraqi people that is all to easy to forget . Updates on Jill Carroll are here . Please , please take the time to follow these links . My heart breaks to see someone 's child in danger , even adult children . I wish I could do more . A few words on a blog and prayers for her safe return feel so insignificant , but it 's all I have to offer . I hope that God is giving Jill and her family a sense of peace , and some knowledge of the outcry for her release . Bring her back to us unharmed , Father . Finally worked on NIP tonight . Yay , me . I got 1298 words , which is okay , but it took me two hours to get them . I think skipping a couple of days lost my rhythm , and I 'm gonna have to work a bit to get it back . Also , I went back and finished scene 4 , so it 's a little out of order in posting now , and that made it kind of hard to get my mind around where I 'm going . I 'm not sure I like the direction it 's going right now , either . I had a scene in mind to write tonight , and a different one ended up in its place . I 'll probably have to go back and fix it . I may go ahead and write the scene I had in mind tomorrow , and work it in during the edits . That will make it harder to read it on the blog , but I 'll put some links in at the end of the posts or something . We 're all still sick here . Hubby 's been coughing the whole time I 've been writing , which makes for a peaceful writing session since the computer 's in our bedroom . The two year old had a ten minute long coughing fit , too , but thankfully it didn 't wake her up . No , she only wakes up when I 'm on the verge of falling asleep myself . I swear , every night she wakes up and cries just as I get into that wonderful limbo stage between awake and asleep . Almost makes me believe she 's psychic . Anyway , there 's sleep around here somewhere , and I need to find some , so g ' night . Well , folks , I didn 't want to , but it looks like I 'm gonna have to put the word verification up over here at Shelblog . I 've gotten several comment spam messages offering me such drugs as prozac and skelaxin , both of which I have taken in the past by the way , but do not need right now . Since I have a whopping 77 posts on here so far , and the little spam robots find old posts , I have no idea where they are , and I 'm too lazy to go back and delete them . It 's not a huge deal , but I know it 's a nuisance for some of you , so I 'm sorry for the inconvenience . Okay , on to other stuff . This cold I have is kickin ' my ass , people . I have avoided getting really sick all year , and now this one is just tearing me up . I only got 3 hours of sleep Friday night [ actually Saturday morning since I was awake until 2 am ] We got up at 5 am so we could get to the quiz meet , and then it was just crazy running all freaking day long , topped with dinner at Chuck E Cheese 's [ on a Saturday , it was wall to wall kids . I love kids , but in small doses , and only when they 're quiet [ har har , quiet child is a complete oxymoron if you have more than two in one place , unless they 're doing something they shouldn 't ] . I don 't have a lot of patience , and I 'm slightly agorophobic , so the crowd thing is awful for me . It was fun , and we actually met some nice people , but public places [ yes , this includes church ] suck the energy out of me and once I get to a certain point , I can 't function anymore and have to go home and sleep it off . Which is why I missed yesterday 's blogging adventure . Believe it or not , at 10 pm , I had to force myself not to turn the computer on . I went to bed instead , skipped church this morning , and slept until 1 this afternoon . I 'm still tired , which is the status quo for me , I know , but it really is worse than usual . So , I 'm gonna try to get some sleep tonight , and get back in the groove tomorrow . I 've let this cold screw up my writing over at NIP IT IN THE BUTT , so I 'm gonna have to get that going again . I 'm still scheming about where we 're goingposted by Shelbi | 12 : 13 AM I was surfing the internet and found this article . A conservative group is willing to pay UCLA students to tape and report on politically liberal instructors . Then there was this one about the president defending his spying , and trying to expand it by getting a court order to make Google give up its statistics on what people are searching for . Eesh . I always thought that Republicans wanted smaller government because they didn 't want the government to have too much power , and that Democrats wanted bigger government because they wanted the gov 't to have more power . What I 'm finding out [ at least with the Bush administration ] is that the pres . wants all the power for himself . Is it possible that the real goal of having a smaller government is that it will have more control over more people , and fewer people in power to maintain a system of checks and balances ? Scary days , people , scary days . On another note , I 'm still sick with this gawd - awful cold . It hurts to breathe part of the time , and I still have the worst sore throat ever . I think I may be on the road to recovery , but man it 's slow going this time . I have to go help with a quiz meet [ if you 've never heard of Quizzing , here 's a link ] early tomorrow , so I think I 'm gonna take some Ny Quil and go to bed . I missed last night with the NIP , though , so maybe I 'll set the timer for an hour and see what I get . These two pictures taken from here . Possibly more to come , I 'm still trying to work out the bugs [ mine , not the picture hosting site ] . Posting pictures from the web is harder than from my scanner , so I 'm still in test mode . But hey ! I 'm not ready to kill somebody today ! Yay . When my dad was about five , he had two imaginary friends named Damin and Hellin . At the age of five , he figured out code words for Hell and Damn , and called them his imaginary friends so he wouldn 't get into trouble for cussing around my Grandma [ who was a tee - totaler in every sense of the word ] . I am still very impressed with his creativity at such a young age to get around the rules . I don 't think I got much of his intelligence gene . I can 't figure out photobucket , so I 'm gonna do the next best thing . Damn stupid photo loading non working piece of shit thing non user friendly makes me want to take a freaking sledgehammer to this stupid piece of shit computer and knock it straight to hell . . . Deep breaths , Shelbi . Okay , I give up for now . I need to find a different picture holder so I can put pictures there and then move them here . I don 't think I 'm ready for a website yet [ egads ! can you imagine ? ! ] , but maybe I can find a picture holder for dummies . Sheesh . Thanks for trying , Doug , I 'll have to come back to it tomorrow or I 'll lose my mind [ what 's left of it ! ] Heh , I blew up my page at Photobucket ! Fatal error . Oh brother . My computer 's acting weird , moving ssllowww . I think I need to do some maintenance . Spellcheck on this create post page won 't come up either , so please forgive any typos . I 'm not gonna do the NIP tonight , I 'd better figure out what I did to the Beast first . Later , y ' all This link comes courtesy of Balls and Walnuts , who got it from this guy . I tried to stick a picture here , but couldn 't figure it out [ I know , I know , I 'm freakin ' slow with this stuff ] . I 'll try again on another post , or edit this one later . Meantime , go look at the pictures , they 're amazing . Go ahead , I 'll wait . Okay , you back ? Pretty cool , huh ? For once , I 'm speechless . All I can say is , " Wow . " I look at those pictures and I am completely in awe of the beauty and artistry of God . And I am humbled at the same time that such an incredible Creator wants to have a relationship with me , when I am so small and insignificant . Wow . Thank you Father . I stayed up too late writin ' Got up too early this morn ' Gotta go work on scene five , Or is it six ? I really don 't know ! Cause I 'm sleepy , [ sleepy , ooh so sleepy ] I 'm sleepy , [ sleepy , ooh so sleepy ] I 'm soo freakin ' sleepy [ sleepy ] I got the sleepy blogger blues ! Ugh . This is where the rubber meets the road , kids . I 'm sick with a chest cold . My throat feels like I 've got an orange stuck in it every time I swallow . My voice barely squeaks when I talk , and my body feels like it 's been hit by a truck . I was up until 4a . m . [ I actually stopped writing around 2 or so , but I couldn 't fall asleep for a couple of hours ] . The kids started bouncing off the walls around 9 this morning , and the two year old came in holding her butt saying , " Maw ma , I pooooo . " You can 't really put off poopy diapers even when you 're on your death bed , so I had to get up . Been up ever since , and it hit me at around 8 : 00 that I 'm tired . I wish for sleep , with my pet Zeep , but alas , my sweet Zeep has gone to work , and my five year old is in my bed [ uninvited , I might add ] sniffling and rustling papers , and asking questions , " Mom , are we ever gonna go on a train ? I mean a real train , not one like at [ amusement park ] . ' Cause that was a train , but not a real one . " You know what ? I 'm 32 and I 've never been on a real passenger train , either [ nor an airplane , but I don 't really have a desire to get on a plane ] . I guess riding a train should go on my list of Stuff To Do Before I Die . Okay , I 'm off to work on the NIP . Wish me luck ! No , really , I am [ I mean more than usual , and not my own ] . I had an interesting conversation with Miss Dorothea Watson today . It went something like this . THEA : Hey you ! Writer lady ! SHELBI : [ looks around for the voice ] Is someone there ? THEA : Don 't you know who this is ? [ taps foot impatiently , click , click , click . . . ] No , I 'm not in the room , I 'm in your head [ mumbles something that sounds like " Jeez , freakin ' scary writer ! Why couldn 't I end up in Paperback Writer 's Brain ? " ] SHELBI : Excuse me , miss smartie pants , she only writes adult fiction , and you sound like a teenager , which makes you too young . Who the hell are you , anyway ? I thought I locked up Tyra the Psycho Ex - Wrestler Russian Internal Editor weeks ago [ mumbles something that sounds like " And I don 't think she 's a teenager " ] . THEA : Well , if you 'd give me a VOICE , you might be able to figure it out ! SHELBI : Cut me some slack ! [ giggles and snorts as she remembers ROFs comment from earlier ] I haven 't gotten that far in Holly 's Create A Character Clinic yet . I 'm starting on the ' voice ' section tomorrow , honest ! Hey , you 're Thea . Jeez , I knew it was a mistake writing about thirteen year old girls . You people are crazy . THEA : [ rolls eyes ] What ever . I want you to look at something here [ turns sideways and disappears . . . ] You see how flat I am ? This is pitiful . How am I supposed to jump off the page if I 'm , well . . . do you see this ? ! ? SHELBI : Yes , I see it . But here 's the deal . I 've only got four scenes done , and it 's just a rough draft . No one important can see it [ crosses fingers ] until much later in the process . Like after six edits and rewrites . We have plenty of time to get you fleshed out , I promise . THEA : You won 't send me out looking like this ? SHELBI : Nope , I like you too much for that , kid . Hey , I got 924 words in an hour today , which isn 't record breaking , but it 's good for me . And I learned boatloads about your history , and your parents ' history , and all kinds of cool stuff . Plus , I wrote the ' Final Scene * , ' just so I 'd have a clear idea of where this thing is posted by Shelbi | 1 : 44 AM I got 895 words in an hour , which ain 't too shabby considering that scene one and scene two were only 452 and 682 words respectively [ don 't remember how long they took ] . If words flow like that every time I sit down , and if the People I Live With will let me work for two to four hours straight , I should be able to pound this thing out in a month or so . And , I 'm up to 2 , 029 words , which means that my magic little word count bar will start moving tomorrow [ I 'm gonna do it . Every day from now on , till I 'm dead . ] After I ' pound it out ' I will let it sit for a bit . And then I will begin the revision process , which will be extensive , I 'm sure , but I 'm actually looking forward to it , because I will have accomplished the First Draft , which isn 't something every one does . Revision is just one step closer to publication , so I 'm excited about it , you know ? I don 't think I 'm smart enough for ' literary fiction , ' but that was never really my goal to begin with . And no one will accuse my story of sounding literary . Juvenile , maybe , but that 's okay for now , you know ? I guess what I 'm saying is that I 'm not holding any illusions here . This writing thing is gonna be hard in spots , but I 'm really ready for it . And it 's about freaking time , too ! I 've just always had this dream , you know ? And I 've never been one to chase a dream of any kind . I 've been set free to find out who I really am , and this is a wonderful adventure , let me tell you . I can 't say I 'll definitely get this book published someday , but I will finish it . And when it 's finished , if it 's good enough to be published , great . If not , I 'll write something else . I 'm having a blast writing my story . Right now , that 's what matters . I 'm not too worried about what happens after it 's done , although I assure you that when the day comes to send it off , I 'll blog all about it ! Oh yeah , here 's scene three , if you want to read it . You know the standard disclaimer by now , right ? ' kay , g ' night all ! Me , an aich tee emm eller ! In the comments section . Where you have to actually use the < thingies . And get the spaces and punctuation just right . That 's not easy ! And I owe it all to my new favorite blogger , Doug Hoffman over at Balls and Walnuts , and " rof . " I don 't always understand rof the first time I read his comments , but I like him anyway , because eventually , I gets my poor old brain in gear and figures it out , and then the light goes on and voila ! Brilliant insights . Yes , I 'm gushing . Over people I don 't know outside my computer . But this is really COOL ! SO CUT ME SOME SLACK , ALREADY ! ! ! Oh , and thanks a bunch , guys . I really appreciate it . A TV in your bedroom halves your sex life ? No really , here 's the article . I never knew . I wonder how much a computer reduces it . We don 't have a TV in our room , and if I let my husband read the article , we never will . Which leads me to another question . How many men in the world think they get enough sex ? I tried The Mighty Google but the results weren 't exactly what I was hoping for . Had to give up on that search ! Okay , shift gears . Tonight , I was sitting at the computer , which was the first time I 'd had a chance all day to be on it , my husband had a day off and was trying to burn a CD with some of his favorite songs . The stupid thing didn 't work , but he had to go to a bored , I mean , board meeting at church , so he went to that and here I am . . . at last . Soaking up the rays from the monitor . Which has a strange discoloration in the lower right hand corner . It looks like a spot of green haze , which I can only assume means that the computer hates my husband and is very angry with me for letting him be on it all day . Did I mention that he was on my computer ALL DAY ? Deep breaths , Shelbi , Deep Breaths . So , anyway , my two year old comes up and says , " Maw Ma , bee beh . Bee beh , Maw Ma , bee beh . " Those were her exact words , and translated , they mean that she wants to go to bed . She actually asked to go to bed ! So I , being the wonderful mother that I am , dropped what I was doing and went to change her diaper and inform the older two that it was time for them to go to bed as well . My five year old son pumped both of his fists in the air and said , " Yessss ! I was geddin ' kinda tired , for a while now . " Oh . My . Gosh . That 's two out of three who wanted to go to bed . That NEVER happens , people . I 'm definitely playing the lottery this week , the odds are in my favor , I tell you ! ! Okay , another subject change . I read last night 's post again [ when I swore not to do that ] and had to giggle at my repeated words . " Wait - staff would come from all sections to see the rocking baby . She used to flip it over on it 's back and then giggle like a crazy bposted by Shelbi | 10 : 08 PM I love my children . They are my favorite children in all the world . I love them dearly , and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for them . [ you know what 's coming next , right ? ] But . There are days when , after I put them to bed , I let out a huge sigh of relief . At last , I am my own again . Someday I will miss the constant needing , but today , I am relieved it is over for another day . These pics aren 't from today , but these are my babies . The " two in one bed " was discovered one morning after they had been told that they needed to sleep in their own beds [ naturally ] . They were all cute , though , so they probably didn 't get into any trouble . My youngest had a thing for rocking . She would bounce her left leg up and down to make her carrier / car seat rock any time we would go places . Wait - staff would come from all sections to see the rocking baby . She used to flip it over on it 's back and then giggle like a crazy baby . Once she kicked just right to flip it back upright . We still laugh about that one . I think she was just as surprised as we were . After she got too big for her carrier , we got her the rocking chair you see in the picture , and more than once , she refused to sleep in her bed and insisted on the rocker [ especially when she had a cold ] . The fact that she fell asleep ' reading ' a book makes me so proud . I 'm fairly certain we have pictures of all three ' reading ' books as babies and toddlers . My seven year old is actually reading them for real now , which is really exciting for me . Yeah , I love ' em . And they 're all asleep now , so I have time to remember how much . Last night 's ' panic attack ' was probably not . I woke up today with a horrible headache and nausea , so it was probably just the beginning of the flu . Oh yay . Spent the whole day in bed with my eyes covered up [ light and noise . . . Ouch ] . I 've spent about 20 minutes here blog reading [ see how addicted I am ? ] and now I 'm gonna go eat something and piss my kids of by putting them to bed before 8 : 00 . Then I 'm going to bed as well . See you on the other side of this crap ! It means ' high heart rate , usually over 100 beats per minute in an adult . ' I had it during all three of my pregnancies [ along with panic attacks during my second , which included a heart rate of 180 . Not fun . ] I seem to be experiencing a bit of that this evening . Probably a non - pregnancy induced panic attack [ never had one before , but hell , there 's a first time for everything ! ] Please note that I said non - pregnancy . I am not pregnant , nor do I plan to be any time soon [ maybe never again ] . Being pregnant sucked [ I may blog about it sometime , and bore you good and proper ] . But this evening , I am , well , panicking for no apparent reason . It was a difficult evening as we had quizzing practice . There were thirteen kids [ not counting the three little ones who don 't quiz ] which made for a loud time . It was enjoyable , but exhausting . And yet here I am , at three in the morning , blogging . It 's official folks , I have completely lost my mind . Yay me ! I think I 'll go meditate and see if I can calm down a little . Join me , won 't you , for a few deep breaths and relaxation techniques ? Well , scene two is up over at NIP [ The name of which I have changed to NIP IT IN THE BUTT , partly because that 's one of my favorite sayings , and partly because that 's what my internal editor is doing to me . ] The scene needs work . But I am resisting . Oh , but last night , as I was trying [ unsuccessfully ] to go to sleep , I remembered that I forgot something crucial in the scene . I had already turned off the computer , so I didn 't get up and change it . Eventually , I talked myself out of the crucial - ness of the detail . I don 't know if I 'll add it later , but I 'm trying to figure out where I want to go from here . I have a general idea of where the story is going . It 's probably going to be a kid 's book or Young Adult [ YA ] , so I got some at the library to find out how much gory detail I should go into , and to get an idea of the genre . I know , I probably should have done more of that before now , but I tend to be a little backwards anyway . I know there will be elements of fantasy [ or maybe it 's spec fiction , not sure yet exactly ] because I love that kind of stuff . I decided to do children 's [ or YA ] not because it 's easier [ ha ha , none of it 's easy , at least not for me , unless I 'm blogging , because I just write whatever comes to mind . Hey , maybe I should do that at NIP ? ] but because it 's what I really like . When I was thinking about the kind of stories I love the most , the things that kept coming to mind were stories like Little Women , Anne of Green Gables , and the Harry Potter series . Yeah , I guess I 'm just a kid at heart , and maybe a complete dork , but there you go . I read LW and AOGG when I was a teenager , and those stories just resonated with me . I read HP as an adult [ after some people said it was evil . I can 't help it . You tell me something is Of The Devil , and I have to investigate to see for myself . I 've found that it 's almost never as bad as what people think . ] Anyway , I realized that I still love kid 's stories . And I 've found that my stories just end up having main characters that are kids . And the rule I 've read about thatposted by Shelbi | 11 : 55 AM I e - mailed this to my friends in my small group at church , and even though I know that most of my readers are those same friends , I 'm posting it here anyway , because it 's what I 've figured out about God [ knowing full well that I 'm not even close to seeing the full picture ] . Hey all , I rather suspect you guys have been praying for me , because last night I had a major breakthrough . It may be something that is a no - brainer for you , but it 's put everything into perspective for me , and I want to share it with you guys because I 'm excited about it , and I love you . The whole point of Jesus coming to earth was love . [ But Wait , There 's More ! ] The point of God bringing the Law was to show us how to love Him , and each other . After the fall , the people became confused and no longer knew how to love God or each other because of sin . And sin is just selfishness , in the sense of putting your own wants in front of others ' needs . So God looked for someone who was seeking Him even though they didn 't know exactly where to look . First , he found Noah , then it was Abraham , and then He chose Moses to bring the ' How To Love God and Each Other Manual ' to the people . A few of them figured it out and were able to succeed a little . At certain times in the history of the Hebrews , the majority of the Jews at that time ' got it ' for a while , and began to live out God 's purpose for them . But mostly they failed . God brought the Law to the people so they would know what to strive for , but also to point out that they could never do it consistently without His help . Then He gave us Jesus , who had it all together from the beginning and was able to show us by example what perfect love looked like . When He said , " I came not to abolish the Law , but to fulfill it . " He was saying that he came to give us the ability to take the Spirit of the Law [ love ] and live it out consistently . In other words , He came for no other purpose than to give us the supernatural ability to Love God , Love Others , and even Love Ourselves . Most other religions have some aspect of this truth iposted by Shelbi | 5 : 22 PM So I 'm thinking tonight must be spent with my husband . I told him earlier that we needed to have a ' dialogue , ' after which he looked at me like , ' What happened ? ' Followed by the look that said , " Am I in trouble ? " Yes , after ten years , I really can read his mind . I only let the suspense build until we finished dinner . Then I told him our dialogue probably wouldn 't need words . Which resulted in a look of relief , and then with the realization of my implication , anticipation . He was really helpful giving the kids their baths and getting them tucked in . They all have colds , so I gave them drugs * and put them to bed . We shouldn 't have any interruptions . * Children 's Cold Medicine , in the proper dosage for their age and weight ! Sheesh , I 'm not that crazy ! I found this story through Paperback Writer . It 's a big , long article , six pages in fact , but basically it says [ and backs up the allegation ] that James Frey , author of A Million Little Pieces , made up large parts of his story . If you don 't watch Oprah , let me give you a brief idea of what it is . Frey wrote ' Pieces ' as a memoir of his own drug addiction , criminal career , and trip to rehab . He says he did almost every kind of drug imaginable , including methamphetamine . He wrote about being an outcast in his town , about being angry and having multiple run - ins with the law . The people over at The Smoking Gun did an excellent job going through several of Frey 's stories and proving them false . I remember reading that James Herriot claimed his stories were a memoir at some point , but were later proven to be fictionalized accounts [ can 't remember the details now , sorry ] . I think I understand why Frey exaggerated his story and then claimed that it all happened to him , but that doesn 't make it okay . I could be wrong , but I think it makes him a liar . Seems like all he had to do was put a disclaimer somewhere in there that some of the details of the story had been changed so that people would know that it didn 't all happen the way he wrote . Yes , it takes away some of the dramatic impact if you know the truth , but later on , when people find out which parts were fictionalized , you don 't end up in the news being called a liar . I can 't say I 'm surprised the story isn 't completely true . I watched the Oprah show , and felt like his story was really outlandish in spots . I took it with a grain of salt , though , as I do most things these days . No , I 'm not surprised , just a little disappointed that he had the ' nads to write a bunch of lies , and didn 't think he 'd get caught . We always get caught eventually , don 't we ? Okay , the two year old is screaming , so I gotta go . To find sleep . I know it 's around here somewhere . . . Sorry , insomnia struck again last night and I was up until four a . m . and got up around nine , so my butt 's a draggin ' again . I 'm working on my next scene for NIP . No , really , the work 's just mental right now . And speaking of mental , I ended up on Kirk Cameron 's website . Interesting . But only in the sense of weirdness at how two people who are believers in the same religion can be at opposite ends of the spectrum . He is a [ very polite ] ' turn or burn ' kind of guy . I 'm not . In fact , according to him , what I believe isn 't the Gospel at all , but a false gospel . Hmm . I will say this , though , going there gave me a perfect picture of what I don 't want to be . [ here 's the link , but go at your own risk ] Oy , It 's late now , and I want to sleep , so I 'll talk to you tomorrow . Genesis 19 : 5And they called to Lot , " Where are the men who came to you tonight ? Bring them out to us , that we may know them . " [ entire chapter is here ] The word of contention in this passage is ' know . ' I looked it up in a Greek lexicon and this is what I found . Know is the Greek word ' yada . ' 1 ) to knowa ) ( Qal ) 1 ) to knowa ) to know , learn to knowb ) to perceivec ) to perceive and see , find out and discernd ) to discriminate , distinguishe ) to know by experiencef ) to recognize , admit , acknowledge , confessg ) to consider2 ) to know , be acquainted with3 ) to know ( a person carnally ) 4 ) to know how , be skilful in5 ) to have knowledge , be wiseb ) ( Niphal ) 1 ) to be made known , be or become known , be revealed2 ) to make oneself known3 ) to be perceived4 ) to be instructedc ) ( Piel ) to cause to knowd ) ( Poal ) to cause to knowe ) ( Pual ) 1 ) to be known2 ) known , one known , acquaintance ( participle ) f ) ( Hiphil ) to make known , declareg ) ( Hophal ) to be made knownh ) ( Hithpael ) to make oneself known , reveal oneself found . The little description thingie I linked to says that yada is sometimes used as a euphemism for having sex with someone . But you see above that there are about twelve different meanings there and most of them have to do with getting to , well , know someone . I saw something on the History Channel that suggested that Sodom and Gomorrah wasn 't destroyed because of homosexuality , but for their all around wickedness and lack of hospitality [ which was a big deal in ancient Hebrew culture . ] I have a couple of issues with the traditional interpretation of this verse . Number one : Why does everything have to be about sex ? Let 's assume that when these guys said ' know ' they did mean ' have sex with . ' I find it interesting that every man in the whole town showed up at Lot 's door to have sex with a couple of strangers . These two towns were known to be a haven for every kind of sin imaginable , but they were also suspicious of strangers . " 9But they said , Stand back ! And they said , This fellow came in to live here temporarily , and now he presumes to be [ our ] posted by Shelbi | 1 : 48 AM This is part of what has sent me into a spiritual upheaval . It may seem painfully obvious to you , but it hasn 't been to me until recently , and I 'm not happy about it . Actually , I 'm disappointed and feel betrayed by numerous people I have held in the highest esteem . All people are biased . Quick definitions ( bias ) noun : a partiality that prevents objective consideration of an issue or situation [ taken from OneLook Dictionary search ] partiality that prevents objective consideration of an issue . Jeez . How I couldn 't realize that before now is beyond me , but that 's where I am . For years , I was immersed in the Religious Right movement . I believed that it was a good thing to ' get back to basics , ' and , distill the gospel , I guess you could call it . I listened to my preachers and the religious leaders of my particular group , and when they said , " Vote your conscience , " I did . Or at least I thought I did . What I really did was vote their conscience . I voted largely based on the candidate 's views on things like abortion and gun control . With the things I have learned in the past couple of months , those candidates were just as morally corrupt [ maybe more so for bringing religion into their political platform and still lying about a bunch of other crap ] as the other guys . I voted against the ' baby killers ' and voted for the people who [ I am just finding out ] would completely disregard , ignore , and allow the deaths of the poor , physically disabled , mentally ill , and anyone else who can 't pay them money for protection . I feel so angry and hurt and frustrated and betrayed by people I thought were able to be objective about things . I believed them when they told me that the homosexuals have an agenda to destroy the family . I believed them when they said you can 't be a Democrat and a Christian at the same time . I believed them when they said that laws to control or outlaw assault weapons would infringe on my right to bear arms . I believed them because I thought Christians were supposed to have the inside track on figuring out the truth [ or i | Well , I started blogging my novel out of sheer desperation . I got the first scene down , so that 's a good start . I can 't comment on quality other than to say it 's a first draft , and obviously needs work . I can edit one of these freaking blog posts all day if I let myself , which is why I 've made it a rule [ possibly a bad one , but it 's the only way I can get anything done ] that I don 't go back and read a post once it 's up . There 's always something that needs tweaking , fixing , or deleting . I 'm a perfectionist [ probably need a freaking twelve step program for it ] and I 'll never be satisfied with it . Editing is a good and necessary thing , but not on a first draft . So , you 're welcome to read it , but please be kind if you comment , and remember it 's not finished . [ Link is here ] Oh yeah , if you have time and are so inclined , pray for me , wish me luck , send positive thoughts , or whatever it is you do . I 'm gonna need all the help I can get ! Did I mention it was fun ? It was . If I end up being good enough at this to make money at it , I 'm gonna love my job ! Okay , I just needed to get that out of my system . Here 's the deal , I really like profanity . When I became a Christian , I stopped smoking and drinking and having premarital sex [ of course you can 't really have premarital sex after you 're married ] way before I stopped cussing . And after I stopped using profanity , I used substitute profanity . Crap replaced shit . Dang replaced damn [ and dangit replaced dammit ; I never could get behind darn or darnit , too bland . ] Hacked off replaced pissed off , although pee and poop replaced piss and shit to describe bodily functions . Rip replaced bitch [ as in , " She 's a real rip . " ] Griping replaced bitching . And of course freaking , crap , screw , and various invented words replaced the f - bomb [ which had been my favorite . ] There are other ' substitutes , ' but those are the ones I used the most . But then I got to thinking [ which probably isn 't a good idea , because I seem to be at odds with the status quo when I do ] why the heck [ oh crap , I forgot that heck replaced hell ! ] am I doingthis ? The intent is the same regardless of the words I speak . Since God sees the heart , and therefore my intent or motives , He knew that when I said ' crap , ' what I really wanted to say was ' shit , ' and sometimes ' dammit . ' So who was I kidding ? The Bible talks about cursing in James 3 , but I 'm thinking it 's talking more about what you say [ good things [ as in ideas , thoughts , concepts ] vs . bad things , whether you 're talking about people , or things , or God ] I could be wrong , [ it 's happened a time or two ] but I think cursing had more to do with saying to some one , " May your eyes burn up and fall out of your head and a cow step on your foot for what you have done , " than , " Ah shit , I stubbed my damned toe ! " [ Incidentally , should it be ' damn toe , ' or ' damned toe , ' I 've seen it both ways in the past couple of days and I 'm curious . ] And so , I began to look at words as a matter of preference . I still don 't cuss in church , or around certain people because it 's offensive to them , but at home and around close friends [ and on this bloposted by Shelbi | 2 : 09 AM It looks as though Pat Robertson has spoken for God again , and stuck his foot [ Mr . Robertson 's , not God 's ] in his mouth . He linked the massive stroke of the Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon to the wrath of God . Of course , I think he also made a link between September 11th and the wrath of God , and lots of other remarks claiming that he has the inside scoop on the mind of God . Isn 't there a scripture about that somewhere ? Ah , yes Isaiah 55 : 7 - 11 . " My thoughts are not your thoughts . . . " I admit that 's taken out of context , the whole chapter is here . But this guy just keeps on talking for God , and saying horrible things , all the while claiming to have some special knowledge of God that the rest of us , apparently , don 't have . His spokesperson say he 's just quoting the Bible , and he is , but he 's doing what I just did , taking it out of context and using it to suit his purposes . He seems to think that the Bible is just a big book full of how God kicks your butt if you don 't fall into line . I don 't get that when I read it . What I see is a love story . Yup , you read that right . The Old Testament is all about God 's relationship with the Israelites . And through it all , His incredible love for His people is right there in black and white . [ Some ] Christians always focus on God 's discipline , and the times he destroyed cities [ and once , the entire world ] because the humans got ridiculous with their behavior and were ruled by selfishness and hate , and never looked at God or their fellow humans with anything but contempt . We always look at the acts people were committing and say , " Well if I don 't do those things , I 'll be okay , and anyone who does those things is going straight to hell and good riddance ! " We don 't look at the fact that the root of all those destructive things was selfishness . And selfishness is something we all are guilty of from time to time . By selfishness , I 'm not talking about taking care of yourself , or looking after your own interests , I 'm talking about thinking only about what you want , to the exclusion of everyposted by Shelbi | 1 : 37 AM Well , my to do list didn 't work as well as I 'd hoped . I forgot about Wednesday night church , so that screwed things up . Then there were the poopy diapers [ oh come on , it was just a matter of time before this came up ! ] My youngest loves fruit , but it does strange things to her digestive tract . There were four , possibly five poopy diapers today . She 's two , so technically I could start potty training , but with the other two , I 've waited until they were old enough to discuss what needs to be done and how . Maybe it 's because I 'm lazy , but I just feel like if they understand what 's going on , they 're more likely to get with the program . The older two were completely potty trained by four , which to some seems old , but it 's what worked for me . Hubby had the audacity to suggest that ' we ' begin potty training the youngest soon . I admit I was somewhat rude , but I laughed hysterically and said , " When you get ready to do it , you knock your bad self out . If I 'm the one who 's gonna have to do all the work like with the other two , you can just keep your comments to yourself ! " There are just some places a man shouldn 't tread , and he tromped all over one of ' em that day ! But he 's cute , so I forgave him . Some quick estimates : I 've been a mom for almost eight years now . If I did my math right , that 's 2 , 920 days . A rough estimate of diaper changes per day is five , although I 've had two kids in diapers at a time for part of that , we 're just going ' general picture ' here . That 's 14 , 600 diapers , most of which , I 've changed myself . Oh , speaking of cute husbands who need forgiving ! My wonderful husband of ten and a half years FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! Unbelievable . Actually , I think it 's kind of funny . In all the years we 've been together , this is the first time he 's forgotten it . I 'm afraid I 've forgotten his more than once [ I was pregnant though , which causes brain rot anyway , and I was horribly sick , so I had . . ahem . . reasons ! ] He really did feel bad , and he 's cute , so I forgave him [ gave him a hard time about it , though . * evil chuckle * ] But I diposted by Shelbi | 10 : 27 PM Okay , I know it 's cheesy to wish yourself a happy birthday when you 're an adult , but I 'm actually happy this year ! I am thirty - two today , and I 'm finally getting used to this thirtysomething decade being something I 'm actually old enough to be a part of . It still freaks me out that I can talk about things that happened 25 years ago , and actually have a real memory of it . When I turned thirty , I was pretty depressed about it . For some reason , my brain told me that being a stay - at - home - mom wasn 't a worthy occupation since you don 't have to have a degree to make a baby and then stay at home with him until he grows up . Actually , you don 't have to have any intelligence whatsoever to make a baby , which makes me feel really sorry for a lot of children out there . Because whatever people think , raising kids to be good humans is not easy . It takes something I wonder every day if I have . My kids are really good kids , for which I am truly thankful . They aren 't perfect , which is clearly in evidence when they are tired , but they are good . I wish I could say it 's because of our excellent parenting , but I just don 't know if that 's true . And looking at them now , I can only imagine them as wonderful adults , but there aren 't any guarantees there , either . If you look at pictures of Ted Bundy as a kid , you can 't imagine that he would grow up and do the unspeakable things we know he did . I 'm sure his parents couldn 't . That 's scary as hell for me . My kids are 7 , 5 , and 2 . They are all really cute , really sweet kids . But as they grow up , I will have to let them go and make decisions on their own . There will come a point when I can 't dictate whether they put on clean underwear , make their beds , or experiment with drugs and alcohol . Right now , my kids are anti - drug , anti - drunk driving , anti - smoking kids , but so was I , and I did every one of those things as a teenager . I was lucky . I didn 't kill anyone , didn 't get addicted to anything harder than cigarettes [ hubby and I quit smoking almost 10 years ago ] . But that 's no guarantee that my kids won ' posted by Shelbi | 12 : 25 AM

Welcome to ocpdYou are currently viewing our boards as a guest , which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features . By joining our free community , you will have access to post topics , communicate privately with other members ( PM ) , respond to polls , upload content , and access many other special features . In addition , registered members also see less advertisements . Registration is fast , simple , and absolutely free , so please , join our community today ! My ex was the only child of a single mom . Their relationship was very close when I met him , and didn 't strike me as altogether healthy . While she is a kind and generous person overall , she 's far from emotionally stable and very manipulative . That kindness and generosity comes with strings attached . When her son and I were engaged she would alternate between telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to them and that I was tearing their family apart - and that without me having any contact with her in between times . After awhile my then - husband began to avoid her . He only seemed to call her when I would remind him that it had been quite awhile since he 'd spoken to her and maybe he should find out how she was doing . While her behavior troubled him , he couldn 't seem to recognize that he was becoming more and more like her over the years . Now my kids avoid contact with her if they can . Ladies and gents , thank you all very much for your replies . Bltmonty , you mentioned your MIL had said how horrible her son - in - law was yet you were surprised how nice he was . This is what I have consistently experienced from both the OCPD H and his family . I felt I was set up from the get - go and always wondered why I wasn 't able to connect with any of them . Years later I came to realize that both the MIL and my H both have OCPD and they have a great influence on other family members . I will give you an example of what I have witnessed coming out of their mouth . My elderly aunt was visiting one day and had her customary 2 glasses of wine . The next day I overheard the H say to our son , " You know , Aunt D is an alcoholic . " I couldn 't believe my ears and confronted him the next day about it . Surprise , surprise , he denied he ever said it . He told me he didn 't say what I heard him say . There is a definite disconnect between his mouth and his mind , however , I do realize this is the dissonance that others have talked about on this board . I really consider this particular trait to be very problematic . . . . . . . saying negative things about people because this in turn leads people to think negatively about that person and can ruin many relationships . There was a neighbour of my MIL 's who approached her one day and told her to NEVER look at or talk to her again . Of course the MIL had no idea what that was all about because her favorite saying is always " I did NOTHING , I did NOTHING ! Waitingforacceptance , it is most unusual that you or your child have never met your in - laws . However , some OCPDers do like to keep you isolated , and for a reason . Is there a possibility that he has bad - mouthed you to his parents and he doesn 't want them to see you 're nothing like he said you are ? In my case , the H and his mother love to bitch and complain about everything , and that includes other people . This is what happened in my case , anyway . Waitingforacceptance , My ex was the second pair of kids his parents had . Brother A , Sister B , a year apart , then , 15 years later , Sister C a year later , my OCPDx , the baby of the family . Brother A had 6 ? 7 ? kids and ex was closer emotionally and in age to his nephews and nieces than most of his sibs . Sister B had one daughter , and died during surgery to remove a ruptured breast implant ( her abusive husband made her get them ) before we had a chance to meet . Sister C is / was . . . . off , in some way , not sure exactly how . I came into his life just after his mother passed away while his father was in his last months of life . As far as I could tell and heard from everyone , his parents were loving , indulgent , " cool " parents who always made their children 's friends feel like their house was their second home . ( Hence I lean towards the nature / genetic component of OCPD - ex was NOT " trained " to be OCPD via harsh parenting , though I also think his parents may have been so lax that didn 't help him either . ) Ex 's whole family welcomed me , thought I improved his life tremendously and expressed gratitude for my presence in his life . I am still in touch with many of them via FB . He / we received many invitations for birthday parties , various family events , but he mostly didn 't like going where there were noisy , messy little kids , so he / we declined a lot . Though on the occasions he interacted with children , he seemed to do fine and they ADORED him . His best friend & second family were likewise warm & welcoming & supportive of ME , have told me it was not my fault that the relationship didn 't work , and that they will always consider me family . He seemed to like having me take over social responsibilities for us , did not exhibit jealousy over their attention to me , or vice versa . ( Unlike the jealousy and possessiveness he showed for so many other things , from time spent at work or reading books or occasional girlfriend brunches . ) However , he carried a STRONG grudge against Sister C for various things , and would frequently " replay " arguments they had had , with hi _________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom . - Anaïs NinFollow the latest Scoop : http : / / www . scoop . it / t / iso - mental - health - wellnessOCPD SO info : http : / / perfectlyawfulusa . blogspot . com After realizing I have OCPD I think my father did / does too , but he 's also a mean drunk , bully and sociopath , but I digress . How did they treat me , and my sisters ? They put us down , criticized us , made us feel like we were the reason they had to marry even though they clearly wish they hadn 't . Standard line was my mother got pregnant and that ruined his life . He told us this and other similar stuff throughout our childhood . They pitted my older sister and I against each other . Looking back now my parents were being little shits , but while growing up I disliked her rebellious ways , and we have our challenges today , so it worked . Things like his smoking in the car with a window barely cracked while I begged to pull over so I could puke from the smoke , only to * * * * * about me having to stop , then lighting up again , then you guessed it me puking again . Wall to wall * * * * like that . None of us siblings nor any of my fathers siblings has any meaningful contact with him . Our mother stood by and watched and benefited as he pushed us around , threw stuff , finger poked us in the chest , threatened us , and stole from the very people who gave them their existence and even still do from the grave . Looking back we rarely had any friends over , and when I boomeranged to my grandmothers home in my mid - late 20 's ( parents firmly squatting on her for what , the third time ? ) I saw my father railing into my frail , 70 something widowed grandmother and then taping it to get her committed , and a ton of other manipulative crap like that . He also threatened her but shut the tape off during those times . I went to the police to see if I should stay or leave and an older cop doing paperwork looked up , confirmed my last name , and said ' oh hey this has been going on since you were in diapers . ' They have crushed my ability to trust people , live a fulfilling life , be fare to others and love myself . It didn 't have to be this way , they had decades of second chances from kids rising up to them like fish to bread , only to exploit that eagerness for some measure oTop My ex - h has a brain injury , so no PD diagnosis , although lots of rules and controlling behavior , which I initially assumed were due to the injury ( when I noticed them at all - I was used to controlling behavior from my FOO , so a lot of things seemed normal ) . But when I met his family , it was obvious that just about everyone has OCD or OCPD . Just overwhelming , crippling anxiety in all of them , and lots of rules and rituals . They were all very nice to me , because they each saw me as a sort of insta - sister , better able to meet their emotional needs than my h , because of his issues . H also had a weird attachment to his mother , who had passed before I met him , to the point where he told me he married me because I reminded him of her so much . ( I still don 't understand why that didn 't make me run screaming into the hills . . . ) . It actually became harder to spend time with them once I became aware of my own OC issues and started treatment , because I could see how their anxiety triggered my own , and I found it overwhelming . MY MIL and FIL ( who are divorced for many years ) tell me all the time how wonderful I am , how I 'm the woman of the year and do so much and how grateful they are that I married their son . I 'm glad they like me , however , they heap coals of fire on my head of guilt because they are just so happy that someone else is taking care of their dysfuntional adult son that they can 't see how it has affected me over the years . This last Thanksgiving was the worst because I was making plans to move out come January and FIL always visits us during the holiday and stays with us . Everytime he saw me he heaped it on more and more and I would go to bed at night and just sob . It will be interesting to see how they take the news . Everytime I have a private conversation with MIL , she monopolizes the majority of the conversation telling me how her DS has not done some very important things for her that she needs help with . Financial things that she depends on him for . the problem is that she enables him too and will not give him a deadline or take it out of his hands . She is OCD and " asked him to leave " at one point when he lived with her because she couldn 't stand the way he did things . She complains about both her sons not being there for her . she wants to know what I can do to help him get the things done she needs help with . I am fighting a losing battle myself but she doesn 't seem to understand that . FIL is very much into himself , loves to travel and enjoy things his own way . They are both in their mid 80 's so DH will have his hands full soon with caring for them . His brother just moved away , that was how he dealt with that responsibility . I imagine that things will be different in a month and they won 't feel I 'm so wonderful anymore . MC1312 wrote : I imagine that things will be different in a month and they won 't feel I 'm so wonderful anymore . His family sounds pretty disordered themselves . When my SILs met me , they hugged me and said " thank you for marrying him . " The whole family was so relieved he had a built - in caretaker now who wasn 't them . I should 've fled , but just thought they were kind of over - doting . They actually were all pretty ok when I left him 7 years later , surprisingly - the main comment was " we can 't believe you lasted as long as you did . " Different story , though , when I asked my son to move out when he was 18 . He 'd gotten into drugs , and had picked up his father 's habit of ranting into my face and looming / towering to be physically intimidating . There 's lots of OCD , depression and some OCPD and NPD in ex - h 's family - pretty darn sure SaneSIL has OCPD , which tells you how disordered the rest of the family is , if I consider her the sane one ! SaneSIL had always been very kind to me , including me in Christmas even after the divorce and remembering my birthdays . ( CrazySIL was also kind , but is very ill and can 't participate in relationships in anything like a normal way . ) I was diagnosed with diabetes a few years before and take insulin . After the diagnosis , SaneSIL had consistently given me gifts like yoga paraphernalia and cookbooks , jewelry , etc . - all very thoughtful and personal . The year I kicked DS out , she was verbally very supportive , but sent me 5 pounds of chocolate from a corporate catalog for Christmas . I took it to work and gave it away , but have referred to it since then as the " festively wrapped box of anger and death . " Hang in there . My ocpd 's DH 's family are unusual to say the least . I have been dealing with them and him for over 26 years . It 's been challenging , and tough at times . My DH was not diagnosed until five years ago . He 's been a life long alcoholic , and possibly has bi - polar as well . So not only do I get the job of dealing with a challenging disease ( up and down moods , violence , childish behavior etc ) but also a family that refuses to admit he had an issue and that any one of them do as well . His mom like him swings back and forth , between mania and nastiness . She has the hoarding , moving , touching , and judgemental tendencies so common in this disease . She lives in a dream world that has her age at somewhere around 50 ( she 's 86 ) and everything is bright and shiny and fresh like it was in 1957 . ( when manic ) His sisters are sick as well , one is manic and overly politically correct with a fear of getting old , one is childish , greedy , and manipulative . She 's spent her entire life sabotaging her life so that everyone has to take care of her and her kids . The other one is pious , sanctimonious , and religious . She believes she is not mentally ill , because god cured her . Recently , I put my foot down and asked him to stop drinking so we could get him back on medication . In the past , he mixed the medication and alcohol and it made him extremely creepy . Since he stopped drinking , his condition has worsened . His mania is through the roof and I never know what personality will come home in the afternoon . Having a conversation with him is tense , as he likes to fight . I 've tried to speak to them about his disease , several times . His mom blamed me , she told me I am the one who is mentally ill . . . NOT her baby . He 's funny , and bright , and while challenging it 's my job as a wife to correct my behavior so that it does not impact HIM . To say the least , I dislike her . I think her illness makes her unaware of her son 's illness , and this could have all been prevented if she would have taken the steps to get him help years ago . Instead , I am the one who endTop _________________ You Down w / OCPD , Yea You Know Me ! OCPD Diagnosed Sept 2014 , INFJ , HSPCammer Self Test 70Too Perfect Self Test 13Al Bernsteins Self Test 13STOP ; . . Let Go . . . Ok now WHAT are you GRATEFUL for ? . . . Good , now shut up and be HAPPY ! Treated like a maid and a piece of furniture . It was great , haha . I was just the thing that gave birth to the " perfect one 's " " perfect children " . Until the next grandchild came . . . now mine aren 't " the perfect one 's " anymore . Sad . Waiting , I never met my son 's parents . We were in a long term relationship ( lived together for 4 years ) and had a child together . He has a brother and sister and his parents live in the next state but didn 't even come up when our son was born . They have seen our son a grand total of about 3 times , and haven 't seen him at all since he was about 3 years old . I did hear all about his strange abusive father quite a bit , and he told me stories of how his mother would drink a lot at night , likely to buffer the abuse she suffered from her husband . When we first met he would call them frequently , but as time went on he spoke with them less and less . His sister invited herself up for visits a couple of times and brought her husband and kids along . They stayed at a hotel in town and we spent time i = with them at our house and went out to dinner , etc . She seemed fairly normal , her husband is a pediatrician and she 's pretty much a soccer mom . When we split up I finally learned why his family didn 't come around much . They were relieved I had taken him off their hands . Seriously , he had used them so much for money , cars , bailing him out of trouble , etc , that they were sick of him . I think he had convinced them at some point that they couldn 't contact him because I didn 't want them around , but that was never the case . I was always curious about them . I know that he at some point must have told them some awful things about me because I remember planning to go visit them on Easter once ( we had been together 2 years at the time and this was before our son was born ) and they called and told him not to bother coming if they were going to bring me . It was very strange . I spoke to his mother once over the phone after we split up and she seemed like a nice enough person . She called to ask what to buy our son for his birthday . They send my son cards for birthday and Christmas and his aunt sends him a subscription to Highlights magazine every Christmas , but other than that , he has no relationship with any of them . After that experience , I kiTop My in - laws and actually her entire family is very nice , friendly , supportive and understanding towards me . I think they admire me for being able to live together with her - because that is something none of them where capable of I find her family to be very friendly and open and supportive and relatively normal . Although her parents do show some minor signs of OCPD themselves and I do believe they are partly responsible for my wife 's OCPD . Because while they are very nice to me , they are very strict with her . They realize that she has some issues so they are still trying to " educate " her . But they are going at it all wrong . They are always criticizing her and I never saw them praising her . And whenever something goes wrong they are blaming her behavior for it , which makes her behaviour worse .

Welcome to ocpdYou are currently viewing our boards as a guest , which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features . By joining our free community , you will have access to post topics , communicate privately with other members ( PM ) , respond to polls , upload content , and access many other special features . In addition , registered members also see less advertisements . Registration is fast , simple , and absolutely free , so please , join our community today ! My ex was the only child of a single mom . Their relationship was very close when I met him , and didn 't strike me as altogether healthy . While she is a kind and generous person overall , she 's far from emotionally stable and very manipulative . That kindness and generosity comes with strings attached . When her son and I were engaged she would alternate between telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to them and that I was tearing their family apart - and that without me having any contact with her in between times . After awhile my then - husband began to avoid her . He only seemed to call her when I would remind him that it had been quite awhile since he 'd spoken to her and maybe he should find out how she was doing . While her behavior troubled him , he couldn 't seem to recognize that he was becoming more and more like her over the years . Now my kids avoid contact with her if they can . Ladies and gents , thank you all very much for your replies . Bltmonty , you mentioned your MIL had said how horrible her son - in - law was yet you were surprised how nice he was . This is what I have consistently experienced from both the OCPD H and his family . I felt I was set up from the get - go and always wondered why I wasn 't able to connect with any of them . Years later I came to realize that both the MIL and my H both have OCPD and they have a great influence on other family members . I will give you an example of what I have witnessed coming out of their mouth . My elderly aunt was visiting one day and had her customary 2 glasses of wine . The next day I overheard the H say to our son , " You know , Aunt D is an alcoholic . " I couldn 't believe my ears and confronted him the next day about it . Surprise , surprise , he denied he ever said it . He told me he didn 't say what I heard him say . There is a definite disconnect between his mouth and his mind , however , I do realize this is the dissonance that others have talked about on this board . I really consider this particular trait to be very problematic . . . . . . . saying negative things about people because this in turn leads people to think negatively about that person and can ruin many relationships . There was a neighbour of my MIL 's who approached her one day and told her to NEVER look at or talk to her again . Of course the MIL had no idea what that was all about because her favorite saying is always " I did NOTHING , I did NOTHING ! Waitingforacceptance , it is most unusual that you or your child have never met your in - laws . However , some OCPDers do like to keep you isolated , and for a reason . Is there a possibility that he has bad - mouthed you to his parents and he doesn 't want them to see you 're nothing like he said you are ? In my case , the H and his mother love to bitch and complain about everything , and that includes other people . This is what happened in my case , anyway . Waitingforacceptance , My ex was the second pair of kids his parents had . Brother A , Sister B , a year apart , then , 15 years later , Sister C a year later , my OCPDx , the baby of the family . Brother A had 6 ? 7 ? kids and ex was closer emotionally and in age to his nephews and nieces than most of his sibs . Sister B had one daughter , and died during surgery to remove a ruptured breast implant ( her abusive husband made her get them ) before we had a chance to meet . Sister C is / was . . . . off , in some way , not sure exactly how . I came into his life just after his mother passed away while his father was in his last months of life . As far as I could tell and heard from everyone , his parents were loving , indulgent , " cool " parents who always made their children 's friends feel like their house was their second home . ( Hence I lean towards the nature / genetic component of OCPD - ex was NOT " trained " to be OCPD via harsh parenting , though I also think his parents may have been so lax that didn 't help him either . ) Ex 's whole family welcomed me , thought I improved his life tremendously and expressed gratitude for my presence in his life . I am still in touch with many of them via FB . He / we received many invitations for birthday parties , various family events , but he mostly didn 't like going where there were noisy , messy little kids , so he / we declined a lot . Though on the occasions he interacted with children , he seemed to do fine and they ADORED him . His best friend & second family were likewise warm & welcoming & supportive of ME , have told me it was not my fault that the relationship didn 't work , and that they will always consider me family . He seemed to like having me take over social responsibilities for us , did not exhibit jealousy over their attention to me , or vice versa . ( Unlike the jealousy and possessiveness he showed for so many other things , from time spent at work or reading books or occasional girlfriend brunches . ) However , he carried a STRONG grudge against Sister C for various things , and would frequently " replay " arguments they had had , with hi _________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom . - Anaïs NinFollow the latest Scoop : http : / / www . scoop . it / t / iso - mental - health - wellnessOCPD SO info : http : / / perfectlyawfulusa . blogspot . com After realizing I have OCPD I think my father did / does too , but he 's also a mean drunk , bully and sociopath , but I digress . How did they treat me , and my sisters ? They put us down , criticized us , made us feel like we were the reason they had to marry even though they clearly wish they hadn 't . Standard line was my mother got pregnant and that ruined his life . He told us this and other similar stuff throughout our childhood . They pitted my older sister and I against each other . Looking back now my parents were being little shits , but while growing up I disliked her rebellious ways , and we have our challenges today , so it worked . Things like his smoking in the car with a window barely cracked while I begged to pull over so I could puke from the smoke , only to * * * * * about me having to stop , then lighting up again , then you guessed it me puking again . Wall to wall * * * * like that . None of us siblings nor any of my fathers siblings has any meaningful contact with him . Our mother stood by and watched and benefited as he pushed us around , threw stuff , finger poked us in the chest , threatened us , and stole from the very people who gave them their existence and even still do from the grave . Looking back we rarely had any friends over , and when I boomeranged to my grandmothers home in my mid - late 20 's ( parents firmly squatting on her for what , the third time ? ) I saw my father railing into my frail , 70 something widowed grandmother and then taping it to get her committed , and a ton of other manipulative crap like that . He also threatened her but shut the tape off during those times . I went to the police to see if I should stay or leave and an older cop doing paperwork looked up , confirmed my last name , and said ' oh hey this has been going on since you were in diapers . ' They have crushed my ability to trust people , live a fulfilling life , be fare to others and love myself . It didn 't have to be this way , they had decades of second chances from kids rising up to them like fish to bread , only to exploit that eagerness for some measure oTop My ex - h has a brain injury , so no PD diagnosis , although lots of rules and controlling behavior , which I initially assumed were due to the injury ( when I noticed them at all - I was used to controlling behavior from my FOO , so a lot of things seemed normal ) . But when I met his family , it was obvious that just about everyone has OCD or OCPD . Just overwhelming , crippling anxiety in all of them , and lots of rules and rituals . They were all very nice to me , because they each saw me as a sort of insta - sister , better able to meet their emotional needs than my h , because of his issues . H also had a weird attachment to his mother , who had passed before I met him , to the point where he told me he married me because I reminded him of her so much . ( I still don 't understand why that didn 't make me run screaming into the hills . . . ) . It actually became harder to spend time with them once I became aware of my own OC issues and started treatment , because I could see how their anxiety triggered my own , and I found it overwhelming . MY MIL and FIL ( who are divorced for many years ) tell me all the time how wonderful I am , how I 'm the woman of the year and do so much and how grateful they are that I married their son . I 'm glad they like me , however , they heap coals of fire on my head of guilt because they are just so happy that someone else is taking care of their dysfuntional adult son that they can 't see how it has affected me over the years . This last Thanksgiving was the worst because I was making plans to move out come January and FIL always visits us during the holiday and stays with us . Everytime he saw me he heaped it on more and more and I would go to bed at night and just sob . It will be interesting to see how they take the news . Everytime I have a private conversation with MIL , she monopolizes the majority of the conversation telling me how her DS has not done some very important things for her that she needs help with . Financial things that she depends on him for . the problem is that she enables him too and will not give him a deadline or take it out of his hands . She is OCD and " asked him to leave " at one point when he lived with her because she couldn 't stand the way he did things . She complains about both her sons not being there for her . she wants to know what I can do to help him get the things done she needs help with . I am fighting a losing battle myself but she doesn 't seem to understand that . FIL is very much into himself , loves to travel and enjoy things his own way . They are both in their mid 80 's so DH will have his hands full soon with caring for them . His brother just moved away , that was how he dealt with that responsibility . I imagine that things will be different in a month and they won 't feel I 'm so wonderful anymore . MC1312 wrote : I imagine that things will be different in a month and they won 't feel I 'm so wonderful anymore . His family sounds pretty disordered themselves . When my SILs met me , they hugged me and said " thank you for marrying him . " The whole family was so relieved he had a built - in caretaker now who wasn 't them . I should 've fled , but just thought they were kind of over - doting . They actually were all pretty ok when I left him 7 years later , surprisingly - the main comment was " we can 't believe you lasted as long as you did . " Different story , though , when I asked my son to move out when he was 18 . He 'd gotten into drugs , and had picked up his father 's habit of ranting into my face and looming / towering to be physically intimidating . There 's lots of OCD , depression and some OCPD and NPD in ex - h 's family - pretty darn sure SaneSIL has OCPD , which tells you how disordered the rest of the family is , if I consider her the sane one ! SaneSIL had always been very kind to me , including me in Christmas even after the divorce and remembering my birthdays . ( CrazySIL was also kind , but is very ill and can 't participate in relationships in anything like a normal way . ) I was diagnosed with diabetes a few years before and take insulin . After the diagnosis , SaneSIL had consistently given me gifts like yoga paraphernalia and cookbooks , jewelry , etc . - all very thoughtful and personal . The year I kicked DS out , she was verbally very supportive , but sent me 5 pounds of chocolate from a corporate catalog for Christmas . I took it to work and gave it away , but have referred to it since then as the " festively wrapped box of anger and death . " Hang in there . My ocpd 's DH 's family are unusual to say the least . I have been dealing with them and him for over 26 years . It 's been challenging , and tough at times . My DH was not diagnosed until five years ago . He 's been a life long alcoholic , and possibly has bi - polar as well . So not only do I get the job of dealing with a challenging disease ( up and down moods , violence , childish behavior etc ) but also a family that refuses to admit he had an issue and that any one of them do as well . His mom like him swings back and forth , between mania and nastiness . She has the hoarding , moving , touching , and judgemental tendencies so common in this disease . She lives in a dream world that has her age at somewhere around 50 ( she 's 86 ) and everything is bright and shiny and fresh like it was in 1957 . ( when manic ) His sisters are sick as well , one is manic and overly politically correct with a fear of getting old , one is childish , greedy , and manipulative . She 's spent her entire life sabotaging her life so that everyone has to take care of her and her kids . The other one is pious , sanctimonious , and religious . She believes she is not mentally ill , because god cured her . Recently , I put my foot down and asked him to stop drinking so we could get him back on medication . In the past , he mixed the medication and alcohol and it made him extremely creepy . Since he stopped drinking , his condition has worsened . His mania is through the roof and I never know what personality will come home in the afternoon . Having a conversation with him is tense , as he likes to fight . I 've tried to speak to them about his disease , several times . His mom blamed me , she told me I am the one who is mentally ill . . . NOT her baby . He 's funny , and bright , and while challenging it 's my job as a wife to correct my behavior so that it does not impact HIM . To say the least , I dislike her . I think her illness makes her unaware of her son 's illness , and this could have all been prevented if she would have taken the steps to get him help years ago . Instead , I am the one who endTop _________________ You Down w / OCPD , Yea You Know Me ! OCPD Diagnosed Sept 2014 , INFJ , HSPCammer Self Test 70Too Perfect Self Test 13Al Bernsteins Self Test 13STOP ; . . Let Go . . . Ok now WHAT are you GRATEFUL for ? . . . Good , now shut up and be HAPPY ! Treated like a maid and a piece of furniture . It was great , haha . I was just the thing that gave birth to the " perfect one 's " " perfect children " . Until the next grandchild came . . . now mine aren 't " the perfect one 's " anymore . Sad . Waiting , I never met my son 's parents . We were in a long term relationship ( lived together for 4 years ) and had a child together . He has a brother and sister and his parents live in the next state but didn 't even come up when our son was born . They have seen our son a grand total of about 3 times , and haven 't seen him at all since he was about 3 years old . I did hear all about his strange abusive father quite a bit , and he told me stories of how his mother would drink a lot at night , likely to buffer the abuse she suffered from her husband . When we first met he would call them frequently , but as time went on he spoke with them less and less . His sister invited herself up for visits a couple of times and brought her husband and kids along . They stayed at a hotel in town and we spent time i = with them at our house and went out to dinner , etc . She seemed fairly normal , her husband is a pediatrician and she 's pretty much a soccer mom . When we split up I finally learned why his family didn 't come around much . They were relieved I had taken him off their hands . Seriously , he had used them so much for money , cars , bailing him out of trouble , etc , that they were sick of him . I think he had convinced them at some point that they couldn 't contact him because I didn 't want them around , but that was never the case . I was always curious about them . I know that he at some point must have told them some awful things about me because I remember planning to go visit them on Easter once ( we had been together 2 years at the time and this was before our son was born ) and they called and told him not to bother coming if they were going to bring me . It was very strange . I spoke to his mother once over the phone after we split up and she seemed like a nice enough person . She called to ask what to buy our son for his birthday . They send my son cards for birthday and Christmas and his aunt sends him a subscription to Highlights magazine every Christmas , but other than that , he has no relationship with any of them . After that experience , I kiTop My in - laws and actually her entire family is very nice , friendly , supportive and understanding towards me . I think they admire me for being able to live together with her - because that is something none of them where capable of I find her family to be very friendly and open and supportive and relatively normal . Although her parents do show some minor signs of OCPD themselves and I do believe they are partly responsible for my wife 's OCPD . Because while they are very nice to me , they are very strict with her . They realize that she has some issues so they are still trying to " educate " her . But they are going at it all wrong . They are always criticizing her and I never saw them praising her . And whenever something goes wrong they are blaming her behavior for it , which makes her behaviour worse .

We have safely returned niece to the only home she has ever lived in Langwarrin . My chat the other night must have had some impact . Soon after , she went to bed and sent an sms to her father apologising for her attitude to his new but now ex lady friend . She asked him not to show the sms to anyone , but of course what did he do tonight , show it to R and myself . As he fell down stairs the other night , no doubt very drunk , her threat to push him down the stairs if he told , was apt . It was good to have her stay and I think she really enjoys staying . As always after visitors , it is nice to have our place back to ourselves . I hope I educated her about a couple of things apart from the above . It is not the end of the world if there is not enough butter to make ginger nuts . You can use margarine as well . You can even pop it in later . This knife is for bread and butter , not for eating a meal with and likewise , this fork is for dessert or cake and not for twirling spaghetti with . The steak knife as a general cutting knife is not a bad choice , but there is a block of lovely sharp cutting knives in front of you . Then I hope we educated her a little about politics , naturally biased . Not a one way street though . I learned that one needs to be a little more sensitive at times when dealing with a maturing teenage lass . They can easily see afront in an innocent remark . I thought she knew where the recyling room was , but it seemed she had forgotten . She had put all the papers down the rubbish chute and was about to put the bottles down , but then remembered . R , just awoken from his arvo nap , may have just put it a bit harshly , that papers go to the recyling room . He was more annoyed with me for not going with her . But she was worried that she had done the wrong thing . Ever polite , if she apologised once for bumping me when we out walking , she apologised a hundred times . I was well sick of that . I may be old from her perspective , but I am not glass . Any pop star or movie person or band / group I had a query about , she could answer . That isPosted by Niece asked about our immediate neighbours . I told her that there was a mother with two teenage sons . There could be a husband . I saw him a long time ago . I don 't really know . Niece must have picked up on the teenage sons . As we were bashing off for a long walk through the park to the lcoal shops today , neighbour 's door was open as a visitor was departing . Niece must have seen inside and seen the people . Just five minutes into the walk , niece asked if our immediate neighbours were Asian . I replied , yes , rich people from Hong Kong , drive a Mercedes . That was the end of the conversation . Two teenage bois next door obviously had her mind working . Once found out they were Asian , dismissed from head . I expect she was annoyed with me for not pointing this out sooner , and the ever rascist me , did not , and put her to a test . In a way , she passed the test , as these boys next door would be so alien to her as she would be to them . But is does trouble me that she so automatically rejected them . A couple of nights ago , the body corp committee decided it was time to clear the basement of ' junk ' and put it out for a pre - arranged hard rubbish collection . People put some quite good items in the recycling room , but there was also a lot of crap . I can recall scoring a superior washing basket to the one we had , but I replaced it with our old one and that one was taken by someone else . There was an electronic keyboard . I took it and once established that it worked ok , put it away and never used it again . Yes , I can play a piano a bit . It will probably end back in the recycling room . But most of it is junk , mattesses , four ok bicyles , furniture , failed electric appliances , doors , plastic chairs . . . . . . . . . it is a long list . Five of us carried it all out , for around and hour and a half , so there was quite a bit of stuff . The basement is empty now . It is huge , the footprint of the building almost . It does not have proper lighting or proper ventialation and it is damp . Because of this , it can 't really be used for anything . It contains only a couple of pumps which I reckon Workcare could easily have banned to service . There were tools and paint there too but they have been moved elsewhere . The basement is empty and the new building manager will not have general access to it . Hopefully , we won 't have to repeat the excercise . ' I 'm bored , what can we do ? ' whined yours truly . As usual , R was not forthcoming with a bright idea . I thought about it while in the shower and decided that I had to see Pound Bend at Warrendyte . I might die tomorrow and I will be a troubled soul if I don 't see it . How I have never seen it , I do not know , but I hadn 't . It is surprisingly not that far from town , maybe half an hours drive along what surely must be the best free road in Melbourne , the Eastern Freeway . Wide , free flowing and with room for adding more lanes , as well as a BLOODY RAILWAY LINE down the middle . The town of Warryndyte is not dissimilar to where I was a few weeks earlier , Hurstbridge , but sans train . We went to a well known bakery and bought a disappointing pastie each . We walked along the river for a bit , very pleasant although the day was grey , cold and overcast . The ducks on the river did not mind . We then drove to a quite desserted Pound Bend Park and walked to where the tunnel empties it 's river water back into the Yarra . The river almost makes a complete circle and between two sides a tunnel was dug to reduce the waterflow and level in the river so that gold could be panned from the river . Evidently you can travel through the tunnel on a canoe , although I do recall someone being killed several years ago . We did not investigate carefully but it seemed to us that you cannot get close to where the water enters the tunnel . Three hours for the trip maybe , and it gave a structure to the day . Dame M has two apartments above her that she rents out . One of the tenants locked himself out the other night . Instead of rousing Dame M for the spare key at four in the morning , the guy climbed up onto the roof and removed toilet window louvres and managed to get in . Dame M said she would have only been annoyed but not murderous to be woken for the spare key at four in the morning . Dame M rolled her eyes and starting talking about the worst tenants that she has ever had . They were a couple , nicely dressed , very fresh and healthy looking and friendly . What she did not know when she accepted them , was that they had just left a drug detox centre in Queensland . They were soon back using , he dealing from the flat and she bringing ' clients ' home . After a night of disturbances above , Dame M went up to lecture them . She found them in a bad state and they were both suffering from severe diarohhe , diarohe , di . . . . . . . . . the shits . The flat was covered in it , walls , carpets , kitchen . She made them leave and fruitlessly tried to get cleaners to come and clean up the mess . They all refused and as a last resort , she called one the couple 's fathers and told him if he did not come around and clean up , all the belongings would be on his front lawn the next morning . He did attend and cleaned up the worst of it . I guess they formally left soon after . Not so long ago , the male of the couple turned up at Dame M 's door . He was now clean and had been for some time and just called into to say hello and offer a small apology for the past . Sadly his female partner had overdosed and died . Drugs are bad kiddies . Underdressed for the cold , we hovered around Fed Square waiting for the march to begin . I had no intention of standing around listening to speeches . I just wanted to be counted as a number who participated in a protest against the new industrial relations laws being introduced by the government . Interestingly , and I include myself , most of the marchers were workers who will be least affected in the short term by the new laws . Nearly all would be workers in heavily unionised jobs and will probably be the last to suffer . I was also marching on behalf of those less than bright people who don 't think that it is being worthwhile being in a union , your shop assistant , waiter , cleaner etc . They have started suffering already . I reckoned too that it was a good opportunity to instill some social conscience and politics into the niece 's head , presently full of thoughts of boys and music , and boys and clothes , and boys and appearance . Her father won 't be impressed . Tough . To be surrounded by so many people who think along similar lines as yourself is a wonderful thing . It gave me a good understanding of how political rallies can work . So we marched and only reached Collins Street before it all came to a standstill . Loudspeakers lined the street and it reminded me of Vietnam with propaganda and patriotic music coming from speakers , all day , every day , I recall in Nah Trang . Listened to speeches for a few minutes and then adjourned to a take away chicken shop for a feed . Then back to Fed Square and went to a wonderful ACMI exhibition of 50 years of Australian television . I could have stayed all day watching old tv shows and looking at old tvs . We left after about an hour and half . Fortunately there was some more recent stuff in the exhibit along with some computer based exhibits , so even the niece found it entertaining . I highly recommend it . This was the conversation , no lecture , that I had to have . I thought it would help , I am not sure if it did and I don 't really know if was a good idea . Cliche coming . At the end of the day , I hoped she would be smarter about it all than I was . Niece is staying . ' A , I have heard you are having a bit of trouble about your mum and dad seperating . ' She naturally asked from who . Ah , your dad or was it your mum , or nanna Fud , ( my mum ) . Sorry , forget . She , niece , had said that she wanted nothing to do with her father 's new girlfriend . She declared she would never ever have anything to do with her . Lucky that it turned out to be a brief affair really , albeit very ego boosting for my brother . You are fourteen . I was fourteen when my parents seperated . That is your Nanna Fud and the late Poppy Wal . I vowed and declared that I would have nothing to do with my father 's new girlfriend . Thirty years later , or about that , I am fond of the person who went on to become my stepmother and will drive next weekend for a couple of hours to see her in the northern part of our state . The point that I hope I got across , is to not make instant judgements . They are both going through difficult times . Yes , your parents should know everything and behave pefectly , but they don 't always . Your , dear niece , behaviour will not have a lot of impact . Just be clever , don 't judge , they need to sort it out themsleves . I have heard that she is behaving badly at school and at home and does not have a close friend . Most cruelly , I think she knows it all full well , and any behaviour on her part is motivated by self interest . Maybe . Met at Dame M 's and sat , chatted , had a couple of chards and waited for her boarder to transform into Jasmine . Jasmine went all out and looked pretty hot , if that is your thing . It is not mine , but it can be amusing . It always amazes me how relatively shy and introspective people slip on a dress , well a bit more effort than that really , and then become the life of the party , full of clever comments , charm and wit . I have noticed this more than once . By nine we were seated at a reserved table at Pink at the Newmarket Hotel in St Kilda . The St Kilda Council Depot used to be opposite and the workers used to drink there . The venue is small , dingy , smokey and vile . The performers were wonderful , charming and friendly . The staff were wonderful , charming and friendly . The charming latters more than cancelled out the former and we had a great night . The show was based on The Sound of Music , with some Marlene Deitrich , Springtime for Hitler , Abba and Cabaret thrown in . All very entertaining . It was my first visit to a gay bar since NYE before last . I was reminded what fun they can be , but also why I don 't bother anymore . It was going to be two nights away at the holiday house in Rosebud , ( um , that reads like it might be ours , it is not , although we do feel a little posessive of it ) , but circumstances meant it was only one night , and that was long enough . We arrived Sunday and then my mother , step father and brother arrived for a pre arranged afternoon tea . We had left enough time to shop at the local supermarket for said tea and to have something really greasy to make us feel better after the night before . Brownie , I took your cold cure advice to the enth degree and it worked , although I forewent the crisps . The house was as cold at the proverbial witches . The wall furnace took a long time to heat the smallish house , but once heated , it was fine . After getting rid of family fondly farewelling family , we napped , showered and adjourned to the local Rosebud Hotel for dinner . Very nice roast lamb . Last time we were there , we noticed a Maori transexual waiter . She was seemed well accepted and this time she had just gone off duty and it was her birthday and she was priming herself for a good night . Not really what you would expect in Rosebud . Stupid rugby on sports tv at pub . Tried to make sense of it but failed . Warriors 36 , South Sydney 0 . How does that work then ? Don 't really want to know . Back to the house for not a great night 's sleep . By six thirty I was wide awake and went out to watch the lightening sky and listen to the magpies . I was frightened half to death when three doves took off from the almost in bloom wattle tree I was standing near to . Back inside and over the course of the day , almost read a whole book . Peter and Richard Wherrett 's biography . Good read . Near eleven we set off to have a look at the Royal Botanic Gardens , Cranbourne branch . I went an indirect route and took nearly an hour to get there . While I am a bit of a rose / elm / azalea / rhody type person , I was quite impressed by the display of native plants . It is very well done and I need to revisit in about five years to see how it has grown . Popular enough for a MondayPosted by My public diary , not my private one . I live in a highrise apartment building in inner Melbourne . My interests are varied but top of the list are old buildings , history and public transport . You will find plenty of personal experiences to read in my blog too . Just be aware I am not an historian , amateur or otherwise . While I make some effort to be accurate , I don 't do proper methodical research so I advise you check all details on your own behalf should you wish to quote me . Your comments are very welcome , but try to be nice to my fragile yet overblown ego . I enjoy receiving email . You can find my eddress in my complete profile .

I am finally putting a post on our blog . . . yes , it is me , the other half of One Path . This will be very quick . I have finally finished our photo album website . For those of you that would like to see our wedding photos please visit One Path - The Photo Album . Hope you enjoy them . I got started in this writing " biz " ( . . . which I 'm not really in , yet . . . ) by writing angry , shocking stories . Honestly . There was a guy at school , named Roy Johnson , who could write far better than me and , big - mouth that I am , I said , " Ah , that 's nothing . I can do that . " Before too long , someone called my bluff . ( I can 't remember who . . . the jerk . . . ) This was long before My Side ( the original one . . . the book . . . any of it ! ) . I wrote several short stories that were dark and angry . . . the kind of stuff that gets kids put into counseling these days . Fortunately , I wasn 't . I was encouraged . ( Then , again , look where encouragement got me ! ) I was branded ( by those few who read my stuff back then ) something of an angry , young man . . . . which was kind of cool . But , you know , you get older and try to get wiser and that whole AYM bullshit fades after a while . . . . which leads me to this morning . I hit the 35 , 000 mark on the new book today . I was writing a portion about a suicidal man who can 't communicate with anyone and his dysfunctional father who 's trying very hard to communicate with equal results . And it was dark shit . Bitter shit . ( Which is dark chocolate shit , for those who are wondering . ) " Shade up ahead , " John called to him , still ahead but wearing quickly . " Come on . " Victor cursed him , this dishonest , delusional , suicidal punk . . . his son . But there was shade , just up ahead , from some railroad tracks the road went under . Rather than dead end , the road was taking them north - eastwards . It wouldn 't take them anywhere , however , until they had a little rest under the shade . It was still miserably hot down there , but bearable . Why did I do this again ? Victor wondered . What was my logic ? It had been to show John how wrong suicide was by presenting him with someone who was going to do it . But that didn 't work ; John was more interested in reaching the canyon than Victor . If anything , it had spurred John along ! It had been a horrible plan with horrible results . And Victor 's feet were killing him . And it occurred to me that this , too , wasPosted by It 's practically a tradition . . . which is another way of saying I can 't think of anything else to write . . . I sit down before a long holiday , when I know - I mean I KNOW - I won 't be writing , and I predict what will happen during that long holiday . Then , when I return on Monday , we can all have fun watching me act surprised that none of it came to pass . Let 's see . . . 1 ) Vicky and I will go to her brother 's house for Thanksgiving . The food will be good and all but we 'll be out in the middle of the desert . . . which is where we were last year , in Lancaster . . . and I 'll begin to wonder if there 's some grand conspiracy . . . and if we 'll spend next Thanksgiving in Arizona . . . 2 ) The day after Thanksgiving , we 'll start working on moving all of the furniture out of the guest room so Vicky can scrape the cottage cheese off the ceiling . ( It 's not really cottage cheese . ) Moving all the furniture will be a bitch . ( It 's Ricotta . ) We 'll get into a fight over where the furniture should be moved . ( Seriously . I use it in lasagna . ) Our bedroom will fill with furniture . ( What do you mean , that 's why people hate my lasagna ? ! ) Our bathroom will fill with furniture . ( I bet you can 't do any better , bitch ! ) Our landing will fill with furniture . ( I WANT LASAGNA ! SEND ME LASAGNA ! ) We 'll learn , to our amazement and befuddlement , that we own the Guest Room of Endless Furniture ( + 3 for luck , roll 2d20 for ottomans under D & D rules version 3 . 5 ) . . . 3 ) Tim Clostio is coming by on Friday . I 'm hoping everything goes okay but I worry about his drinking problem . ( Which he has no matter how much he denies it . . . after all , that 's what " DENIAL " means , right ? ) 4 ) Tim , Vicky and I will have to move all that furniture back into the Guest Room . . . ( roll percentile for amount of furniture stuffed back in under D & D rules version 3 . 5 ) . . . 5 ) Vicky will learn that she unknowingly exists in a D & D v . 3 . 5 universe and will find a Beyonder in our bathtub . 6 ) I will protest because , well , I prefer classic D & D , so . . . 7 ) Vicky will write a hit song , " There 's A Beyonder in My Bathtub " . Posted by Actually , there are so many ways you can look at that . . . but I don 't think the ports are big enough to . . . anyway . . . So , the X - Box 360 came out today and it 's all over the news . . . and that kind of amazes me . This is the first generation of video game systems to launch where there really wasn 't any need for it . I mean , if you look at the Atari 2600 , well , that was the Granddaddy , right ? ( Speaking of Granddaddy - LOVE IT ! ) Intellivision , Colecovision , and the others from the early 80 's fall into that generation . Ground breaking ? Sure . . . but sucky . Then , you get the NES and Sega Master System , which could actually look like an arcade game . . . if a really old arcade game . Then , you get the next generation , with the Super Nintendo and the Genesis , which could challenge arcades as equals . So , each progression had a reason . Then , you had the PlayStation . . . which could provide 3D graphics . After that , came the Dreamcast / PS2 / X - box generation , which could give us 3D at a reasonable frame rate . Okay , so each one was a reasonable , if maybe not logical , progression . What 's this new generation do that the previous couldn 't ? . . . Well , nothing really . Sure , it looks pretty and it 's flashy - and the PS3 will be the same - but it 's basically more of the same . ( I 'm leaving the Nintendo " Revolution " out of this because I 'm hopeful that their new controller will provide something truly different . ) Consider this the 1 / 2 generation . It 's Video Games 5 . 5 . It 's not the next generation but somewhere in between . What 's the next generation ? Well , all this time the big wigs at Microsoft and Sony have said it would happen when we achieved photo - realism . I don 't see that coming for another 5 - 7 years at least . Considering that most generations ( for video games , at least ) last about five years , we have to wait for another generation . Mind you , I 'm not diss ' ing the 360 or the PS3 . As I said , they 're pretty . I may even get one eventually - but I 'm certainly not racing out there to get one . I have my X - Box . I have World of Warcraft . I also have Civilization 4Posted by So , this woman calls 911 to report that her onion rings are cold . . . No , I 'm not kidding . It 's not a joke . This really happened ! . . . suddenly , I 'm beginning to understand how Shrub got to be Prez . . . Just a few bits from this weekend . Keith popped into town this weekend and we went out and had a couple of beers . Keith seems to be doing well but I gotta wonder who the hell this Mr . Sensitivity is with all his talk about planning a family dinner and stuff . Who is that guy ? ! Oh well , I 'm glad he 's in a more secure place where he can talk like that . I am worried , though , about his money - management . . . I 'm hoping he does manage it . I 'm pulling for him to succeed . . . but I worry . So , anyway , we 're sitting out on the patio , drinking our beers - and I suppose I should admit to having 1 . 5 smokes - and I finally get to mention my books . ( People in my family can talk and Keith 's no exception . ) I 'm going over this one and that one and that one . . . and Keith gets this glazed look on his face . Deer in headlights time ! I guess that 's when I began to realize . . . along with having the same glance come back at me from Billie and Trish 's husband , Clay , this weekend . . . that this whole writing thing , for most people , doesn 't have the same immediacy as it does to me . I mean , being 1 / 4 through this book I guess can blend right into the other three books from this year . They might tend to run together . So , I have to try not to take that personally . Vicky and I got a juicer and started playing with it this weekend . We went to Costco and picked up grapefruits , pears , apples , cranberries , oranges , carrots - and on and on . Saturday night , we made a huge pitcher of juice and sat out on the patio drinking it . . . . now , it might not have been good . . . but it was okay . And it was good for us . Right ? . . . anyway . . . Then , on Sunday , we had Trish and Clay and their kids , Jake and the Human Whirlwind known as Cole , over for dinner . I spent the day making home - made bolognese sauce and we all got together . It 's always nice having people over - I for one love it . And having kids in the house was . . . different . . . Not bad , not good . . . different . Like the first time you see an Italian film . . . but with more noise . Trish and I went to the same high school and one thinPosted by But maybe not the way you were expecting . Last night , Vicky won a seat on the Board of our Home Owner 's Association . I am extremely proud of her . We went to the Board meeting last night and , when she was asked to give a speech , she stood up and spoke very simply but eloquently about her goals on the Board : preserving the beauty , safety , and tranquility of our neighborhood . The next guy to speak said , " Yeah , I agree with her . " Out of a possible 10 , 000 votes , Vicky pulled half , leaving the other two candidates to split the difference . She was clearly the community favorite . I sat in the audience as she spoke and I thought about how proud I was , and am . The next stop could very well be our local PTA , school board , or city council . Watch out . Vicky is on the move ! Another in a continuing series . . . I 've got TWO questions for you this week : one for me and one for Vicky . QUESTION ONE . I 've been talking a lot about art recently , acting and writing , and I haven 't asked you . What would you prefer I do ? Act ? Write ? Or continue my colorful career as a male gigilo ? QUESTION TWO . Vicky hasn 't written on One Path very much . . . nope , not very much at all . So , here 's my question . What will be Vicky 's next blog entry ? Hope to hear some interesting responses . . . I did ! Vicky and I were at Target last night and I got to play with one of their display models . . . and then I moved to the XBOX . ( Ba - BAM ! ) Here 's the thing . If you 're looking for earth - shattering greatness , well , I don 't think you 're going to find it , not on this or any of the next - generation consoles . ( The new Nintendo console is doing very different things , though , and I can 't wait to see that . ) The game play was . . . an XBOX . The controls were . . . an XBOX . The graphics were simply what you 'd expect from a high - end PC . It 's not that PCs can 't do the stuff you see on the XBOX 360 , it 's that few companies code that well . Now , I 'm not saying I don 't want one . Hell , if someone bought me one , I 'd be giggly like a school girl with pom - poms and a Wonderbra . . . wait . . . mental image . . . But I 'm not going to rush out and buy one , either . I 'll stick with my World of Warcraft for now . . . It was sit down and talk time today . And that was just for me ! I had to have a long sit - down with myself . I 've been stretching myself out too thin , doing everything all wrong . I 've been trying to hold on to things and the way I do things . I had a lot of decisions to make . No matter what I did , there would be people who wouldn 't like the decisions , which is the nature of such decisions . Well , I made them . Here they are . Ready ? First , I 've decided not to audition tonight . Not only am I not that excited by the play but I 'm also working on a book right now . It 's going very well . I am 1 / 4 of the way through , which is 25 , 000 words ! I 'm going to keep writing . If a play comes up and I want to do it , I 'll audition but I won 't audition just for the sake of something to do - I HAVE something to do . Second . . . well , the second one is the toughest one . Last year , I thought I would put together the last monologue CD . It was called " Ken 3 . 8 " . But Vicky asked me to create one for this year , about the wedding . So , I spent about a month writing and rewriting a monologue about the wedding . It was a Ken monologue . It was dark . It was funny . It was completely unnecessary . It talked about personal problems and triumphs and was kind of cool . . . or would have been . . . had I been single . Look , here 's the thing . I 'm married now . Vicky 's my family . I have no problem eviscerating myself for an audience but when it comes to dragging Vicky out on stage . . . well . . . So , I 've decided that I won 't be creating a " Ken 3 . 9 " . There will be no wedding monologue . Vicky doesn 't know about this . She 's finding out like you are - and I don 't expect her to be too pleased about it . But there are some things that are kept within the family : the tragic , the ecstatic , the mundane . I don 't need to tell you about the wedding . Friends can watch the DVD . Readers know I love Vicky . And Vicky does , too . There . Decision made . I feel much better now . Have I mentioned it 's been nearly a month since my last cigarette ? I did some research on the new book this weekend . I fought with Vicky . I really hated myself . I ended up exhausted . As for the details … Vicky and I went out to Arizona this weekend to hang out with her friends , Billie and Dan . On the way , we turned onto Route 66 at Topock , Arizona . Quite a bit of the new book takes place along that road and I thought I 'd be good to see some of that , get a feel for it . We went though Topock , stopped in Golden Shores for a couple reference shots , and drive all the way up to Oatman , which is really the stinky armpit of America . Yep , I 'm a southern California dude . Driving along Route 66 gives you a great idea why the interstate highway system was built . My god , it takes forever ! We got down to Billie and Dan 's place early in the evening - everything should have been fine . But we did that thing that couples do , where we fought the whole weekend without letting on to anybody else what was happening . Now , I gotta speak for myself here but I felt really shitty about it . Ever have one of those arguments where you just keep saying the wrong thing - and if you were right to begin with you just end up feeling like an ass ? Well , that was me . And I didn 't even apologize . Vicky , I 'm sorry . I carry a lot of baggage around with me and , sometimes , I 'm just not the nice guy most people think of me as . And I don 't even know how much of it had to do with Vicky . I 'll give you a little insight . In the next two days , I 'm supposed to go audition for a show in Long Beach . I 'm supposed to audition because I told Vicky I would . I also told some actor friends of mine I would . But I 'm not supposed to go because I love acting . It 's like writing these books or the plays before them . They have nothing to do with my happiness , when all is said and done . It 's just more product . Me pumping out more product . And there are times when I just want to be that guy who sits down with a beer and watches some TV , you know ? Sometimes , I get so sick of " actor Ken " and " writer Ken " that I could puPosted by Direct quote from Vicky . . . " Ken , you 're not fat . You 're WIDE . " . . . I was going to write that she said I was " just wide " but she corrected me . Apparently , there was nothing " just " about it ! ( Note : When Vicky said this , she was trying to be nice . It just came out really wrong , that 's all . ) ( burning ) Bush tried to defend his illegal war again today . . . " The stakes in the global war on terror are too high and the national interest is too important for politicians to throw out false charges , " the president said in his combative Veterans Day speech . Oh , you mean like the false charges you made about Iraq being behind the terrorist attacks on September 11 , 2001 ? Or like the false charges you made about Saddam Hussein having ( scary ) weapons of mass destruction ? " More than 100 Democrats in the House and the Senate who had access to the same intelligence voted to support removing Saddam Hussein from power , " Bush said . That 's right . They were all given the same cooked intelligence and voted to remove Saddam from power as a last resort after you promised to allow the weapons inspectors to do their jobs - yes , THAT intelligence ? " We will never back down . We will never give in . We will never accept anything less than complete victory , " he said Friday . Oh , you mean the complete victory you announced over a year ago ? ! Someone find out what planet this guy is on and make him president there ! . . . or something . Let 's just start this with the obvious . It 's nearly 8am , I 've been up since 4am , and I 'm really tired . But I worked out this morning . . . which means I 'm completely deranged , so . . . As of this Monday , I 'll have gone four weeks without a smoke and we 're closing in on a month . People said it gets easier . . . when is that , exactly ? When does it get easier ? Cause I would smoke the business end of a pencil if I had a lighter . . . I 'll tell you this , though . Quitting smoking leads to infidelity , loose morals , and prostitution . Cause I 'm finding just about anything with a cigarette attractive and if I had to . . . you know , to score a Camel , well . . . In the meantime , I 'm losing my mind . I 'm working a lot , though . Today , I should have the first rewrites on With Eyes To See completed . After that , Billie 's going to have changes for me - for where I got the " cop stuff " wrong . ( It 's a horror novel ; it has " cop stuff " . ) Then , Vicky 's going to have her proofing changes . Ugh ! It never ends ! This weekend , we 're heading out to Arizona to hang out with Billie and her husband , Dan . On the way , we 'll be hitting Route 66 to take some pictures . This will help me with the book I 'm presently writing , No More Blue Roses . ( What 's with these four - word names , anyway ? ) It 's kind of an indie road - movie and I want to get a feel for where they 're going . I 've hit the 20 , 000 word mark and the timing of our trip couldn 't be better . People have asked what I do when I 'm not writing or acting . Well , that 's when my brain is following its own tangents and coming up with , what I can , Pieces . Pieces are just jokes , observations , short bits that can be thrown into some future project . They 'd handy . So , I grabbed a bunch of them this morning for this book , including the immortal ( as of last Tuesday ) : Think of it this way . Look up above at all the stars . More stars than you could ever count . And around those stars , even more planets . Odds are there 's more life out in the universe than we could ever imagine . Life that has evolved beyond pettiness and despaiPosted by Pat Robertson says that God 's picking up his toys and going home . Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting " intelligent design " and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck . " I 'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover : if there is a disaster in your area , don 't turn to God , you just rejected Him from your city , " Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia , " The 700 Club . " " And don 't wonder why He hasn 't helped you when problems begin , if they begin . I 'm not saying they will , but if they do , just remember , you just voted God out of your city . And if that 's the case , don 't ask for His help because he might not be there , " he said . Wait a minute . . . all will be explained . So , I was working on the new book this morning , writing about Victor Gabriel Marquez , right - wing philosopher has - been , as he meets Francis Ell . This new book is written by me , me being a character in the book - the " writer as character " . I 'm a character in the book because I knew Carl Olek in Elementary School . Carl Olek now owns a bar in Arizona and meets John Gabriel at the bar . John Gabriel is Victor Gabriel Marquez 's son . Now , here 's the part that gives some people a headache . This is a book of fiction . Victor Gabriel Marquez , Francis Ell , John Gabriel , Carl Olek , and I don 't really exist . But , then , we do . I mean , here I am , right ? I 'm writing this , aren 't I ? And I actually did know Carl Olek in Elementary School . My imagination is a place I like to play . Now , some people say that , when you dream , each person in your dream is a reflection of yourself . Some people also say that about writing . They also say it about acting . The trick about acting is not in becoming someone else . It is in becoming yourself - only more so . You can imagine how such an outlook made it difficult for me to play Howard Holt - and , yet , some said I did rather well , so . . . When I write , all the characters are me . They are me as I would be - which is , in fact , the only way anyone can write . No kidding . Francis Ell is a character from my first book , My Side . ( Yes , it was a book . . . a really bad one , too . ) He was created as an extension of myself . In a lot of ways , Francis Ell was me . And I put the words into the books by Victor Gabriel Marquez . . . so Victor is me as well . So , when I write about Victor meeting Francis , I ( as the writer ) as writing about me writing about me meeting me . . . At which point , I decided to write this . . . ( And does this mean I 'm Carl Olek ? Of course , not - silly ! Carl Olek is a real person - PAY ATTENTION ! ) What better day to write about politics than on election day ? I was listening to the radio yesterday and a Methodist minister was stating that she talked about politics in church . Some people see that as sacriligious ( if not irreligious ) but if you consider who Jesus was , how could you NOT talk about politics ? Jesus was a political revolutionary who preached tolerance , humility , and - horror of horrors - equitable distrubution of wealth . Jesus spoke at length about the poor , so how could you not talk politics at a time when the Republican party is cramming all the wealth into the top 1 % that they can ? So , I can understand what the preacher was talking about . Granted , if you 're lying , you 're lying . There may be people out there who believe Jesus was pro - war , pro - tyranny . . . but that doesn 't make it right . Shrub made an announcement the other day , stating " We don 't torture . " Really , Mr . Prez ? What about the secret CIA camps ? What about Guantanamo ? What about Abu Ghraib ? What about Cheney pushing his pro - torture agenda in the Senate ? When Shrub says " We don 't torture " what he means is " We don 't give a shit about the truth " . Keep that in mind this election day when you are faced with a Republican or their agenda . Speaking of agendas , we 've got a few propositions being pushed in California . As I 've said before , watch out - they 're trying to sucker you in . Keep your best interests in mind . I feel safe writing that because I don 't think I have any mega - wealthy white men reading this blog . So , it would be safe to recommend a NO vote on 73 , 74 , 75 , 76 , 77 , and 78 , with a YES vote to 79 and 80 . I should note that , while that is my suggestion , I 'm not necessarily speaking for Vicky . There 's one last bit I need to add that is of political interest . Vicky , while too modest ( or lazy ) to write about this herself , is running for a position on our condominium board . I know she has my vote ! Now , sure , board membership isn 't exactly a Cabinet post but it does tend to lead to bigger and better things . I 'm very proud of her for doing her Posted by I 've often thought Vicky really blew it by marrying me - I mean , really bought a lemon . Well , this weekend helped illuminate my point pretty well , I think . Let 's start with the new book and work our way back . As you faithful readers probably know ( both of you ) , I hit the 10 , 000 word mark last week . This new book is really a return to roots for me ; I 'm casting off all pretension in my style , bringing everything down to a basic , simple style , while amping my sarcasm up to 11 . It 's a lot like my writing used to be back in the days of the first My Side ( which was a newspaper column ) . . . but with more cussing . The thing is , it 's such a risk for me , I 'm not really sure if it 's any good . In fact , as I hit 10k , I was pretty sure it probably sucked . I asked a few people if they 'd be interested in reading it for me , screening it , if you will . Enter Trish , Vicky 's Matron - of - Honor , good friend , and her one link to the guy who used to write My Side . She said she 'd love to read the 10k and so , in one fell swoop , she was reading something a lot like the My Sides I wrote in high school , which she might have read . . . now and then became one a little bit . Then , it got worse . See , back when I wrote My Side , back in high school , I was the guy to beat . I was voted most talented in the year book . I had teachers expect me to be on Broadway , some of them said they expected me to win a Pulitzer . There was a lot of pressure to achieve great things . Which I did not do . Not only did I not achieve great things , I barely pulled out good things . It still happens today . I have actor friends who expect me to ace auditions , which I never do . People think that just because I 've written 10 books , one should get published . They don 't . People have this limitless capacity for hope , which doesn 't help me any because I can 't help but let them down . And defeat isn 't something that helps you sleep at night . A few months ago , a guy named Eugene David , a guy I was good friends with in elementary school , wrote to me through Classmates and asked me what I 'd been up to . Posted by No More Blue Roses . It 's the name of my new book . Had you asked me why only a week ago , when the phrase kept banging into my psyche like the endless lies of the ( burning ) Bush administration ( you saw that coming , didn 't you ? ) , I would have told you that I didn 't know why . . . . But now , I know . And I 'm rather stunned . After all , I don 't know what a blue rose is - I don 't particularly care . Horticulture is the last thing I was thinking about ; this book is about families , people , and how self - interest is ultimately self - defeating . It 's dark drama about broken people and high comedy about suicide . Honestly , it has nothing to do with roses of any color . Or so I thought . This morning , as I was about to start on the third chapter - I past the 10 , 000 word mark , BABAY ! - I thought it might be interesting to find out just what a blue rose might be . And I found this . Turns out a blue rose is an elusive goal , a holy grail , a rare find . Something special and beautiful , fragile and exceptional . And in the course of this novel ( should I have the fortune to finish it ) , the characters learn that they aren 't so exceptional and rare , to be catered to and and cared for . They are , in fact , very common and their commonplace lot puts them back on earth with everyone else . They learn that self - interest and self - absorption is poison . We focus on ourselves to our own detriment ; only by helping others are we , too , helped . By the book 's end , there are no more blue roses . I swear . . . Remember when I used to write plays with lots of dick and fart jokes ? ? ? Yep , it 's been two weeks . Two weeks without a cigarette . Can someone please take off this straightjacket ? It 's beginning to chafe . I will admit this has been pretty tough , mostly because I think my brain thinks " once in a while " won 't kill me . It may be right . . . but why quibble ? Here 's what I do know . I can take a deep breath again . Seriously . You non - smokers don 't know what this is about but I couldn 't do it too well before . My singing voice is back , fit and fettle as ever . . . well , maybe not " as ever " but it 's close and getting better every day . I ran 3 . 5 miles last night at the gym . I won 't tell you how long it took me to run 3 . 5 miles but I did it and that 's a good thing . I love running . I love singing . I love breathing . I 'd say it 's going fine so far . ( I know , I 'm posting like a wild man ! ) Yep , the secret 's out . ( As if it ever was a secret ! ) And I found this great article on MSN I thought I 'd share . ( Think of it as " Gay Ken " time . ) Because , not only do I love food but I love healthy food ! How about these excerpts : Cherries have a natural pain reliever and are great for gout and arthritis . They 're also low in calories and low on the glycemic index . Kale is the superhero of vegetables , and if you can get organic , grass - fed beef , you 're getting a super source of protein with a wonderful fat profile and none of the junk that 's given meat such a bad rap , such as antibiotics , steroids and hormones . Water : I know you don 't really " eat " water , but I felt it was important enough to include because I think most people don 't get enough of it . There 's definitely conflicting info from experts about how much of it you need to drink , but I think drinking lots of water is key . It 'll give you energy , make your skin look and feel better and fill you up . Blueberries : Besides being the best tasting berry on the planet , blueberries are a superfood of sorts . They 're a good source of A , C , iron , trace minerals and fiber . Their antioxidant properties mean they fend off cell damage and reduce the risk of cancer . Plus , they 've recently been shown to help lower cholesterol . Some scientists think they also have the power to improve eyesight and memory , as well as age - proof skin . Hot chili peppers : Just a sprinkle of chili pepper gives ordinary food a kick . Recent studies show the equivalent of one pepper a day can substantially cut your risk of some cancers . They give you a good shot of vitamin C as well . So , tell me . What is your favorite HEALTHY food ? ( No . Twinkies don 't count . ) For how long have we equated appearances with truth ? When will we wise up ? It seems like profession sports associations are jumping as fast as they can to nail dress codes on their players , dictating how they can dress off the court or field . How this started , I 'm not privy to but I 'm guessing it is the result of yet another player misbehaving and those who make the real money hoping to redirect attention . But are we really that stupid ? Do we really think that a man in a suit is above blame ? The problem of anyone 's failure to behave stems not from what they wear but what they do and why they do it . Why don 't we consider why someone does something ? Maybe then we 'll begin to see that boys with pituitary conditions and anger issues paid so much that they 're out of touch with reality may not be the way to go . . . and maybe we 'll see a return to sanity in , perhaps , this one area . I 'm not a big fan of dress codes of any kind , especially when it comes to school uniforms . The idea that uniform clothes with create uniform behavior is not just delusional ; it 's dangerous . That kind of thinking is a white flag - it says you don 't know how to get kids to behave so you just hope that the herd mentality will keep them in check . In some cases , this might be right . I 'm not going to say that school with a dress code don 't keep their kids in check . What I will say is that should not be the priority . We don 't send kids to school to keep them in line . The goal of education is to learn to think , to empower the mind . You don 't get kids to think by making them into automatons . You only get them to behave , and for all the wrong reasons . When behavior is just about behavior , you see a disconnect between action and consequence . The reasons why are lost . So , kids play the game and behave at school or on the field but don 't know what they means in their personal life . Why it is wrong to hit someone is not because you were told not to but because of many other reasons . Why it is wrong to lie is not because you were told not to but because of other Posted by I 'm a little irritable this morning . Could be my bowels . . . but it 's more likely that humanity is just pissing me off ! So , please bear with me . I need to get some shit off my chest . Let 's start with Scooter . I 've been hearing the pundits carry on about how Libby wasn 't indicted for Treason and , therefore , ipso facto , in your face , he must not be guilty of it . Did you read Fitz 's statements ? He said that the lies in the White House were so thick that he spent two years trying to get through them . Not only do we have an administration based on lies ( hello , he stole two elections ) , we 're no better ! Our society is knee deep in lies . You want to stop the lying in politics ? Then , stop the lies in your life ! I honestly believe it 's one of those things that grows with time . Next , Alito . After the neo - cons Borked Bush 's attorney , they 're happy to see Shrub nominate someone true to the faith . Make no doubt about it , folks . Alito is anti - woman 's rights . The guy 's crazy on the right - wing 's Kool Aide and WILL see to it that Roe v Wade is overturned . Now , listen , if I was a woman , I 'd be marching about this . They 're stripping away what little rights you have - Woman 's Rights is still a myth in this country - and you 're sitting at home watching fucking Reality Television ! I can only pray Vicky and I have a boy ! You never see them try to strip away a man 's rights , do you ? Do you see a pattern here ? Lastly , one quick note about Iran . Look , I know there 's been a lot in the news about Iran 's comments about Israel . Let me toss out a little reminder : they are allowed to threaten people . They 're a sovereign state . Tell you what . Why don 't we stop our illegal war against people who never hurt us before we start complaining about someone else making threats . Can we do that ? Or should we just have an election and officially name our government an Hypocrisy ?

I absolutely love a giving heart . It amazes and humbles me . It 's pretty easy to give when things are going great . . . but not so easy when you 're penny pinching . This season is all about giving . . . . I follow an amazing photographer on facebook and she has decided to giveaway a camera . This amazes me . . . and excites me . Part of the reason for this blog post is so I can be entered to win . But the fact that she is giving a camera away also teaches me . It reminds me of how much fun giving can be . And also reminds me of how Christ gave himself to us . So much more to life than just going through the motions . Life is about making a difference . Jesus didn 't die on the cross for us to sit back and go through the 9 - 5 white picket fence mumbo jumbo of life . He died so that we could have life and have it abundantly . So live it up ! Make a difference in someone 's life today . Just like Oh So Posh Photography is . : ) And . . . . pray that I win ! : ) I 've been needing a new camera for a while . I realized a few things tonight . For the past few months I have not been myself , or I have not been the best version of myself . I blame it on no one but myself . Truth : You decide how happy / fulfilled / and awesome your life is . Circumstances don 't define it . Your attitude and choices do . I reaLized that I allowed someone to define me . I allowed this one persons hurtful words to mold my life . The words cut me to the core speaking directly to my fears . fears of being too young , not good enough , and never being able to be " make the cut " . The words that were spoken didn 't come out like that word for word . But they cut me to the core . . . And I allowed them to form an infected wound . Instead of standing on God 's words about me - I allowed someone else 's words to rule my life . Tonight - I believe that the Lord spoke to me . He told me that He would bring me through the fire and into the rain . And that He had my heart in mind . And He does . He believes in me , He doesn 't see the age of 21 as a hinderence . He chooses me and wants to use me . Don 't allow someone 's words that have cut you down to shape who you become . Decide who you want to be . . . And be ! You can be totally awesome and the best version of yourself if you choose to . Hold your chin up , and keep marching forward . My heart is heavy while I write this blog post . Last night , I watched a movie ( that I boo - hooed in the entire time ) about parents loosing a child in a car wreck . Today , I heard about a young man in a high school that passed away . This world is not perfect and it doesn 't always makes sense or seem fair . There are parts of it that hurt and tear at your heart . I think that we can do a lot with the time that we do have with one another . Like John Mayer says , " Say what you need to say . " Tell those around you how you feel . Tell them that you love them . Tell them they are pretty . Tell them that you like how they laugh . Tell them that the thought of loving them scares you . Or that you can 't imagine not having them in your life . Tell them you could hug them all day . Tell them the things that you love about them . Tell them that you believe in them . Tell them . . . . . . . . . that you care . I never want to say that I didn 't say what means the most . I never want people in my life to not know that I love , care , believe , and adore them . My life may hurt sometimes and things may not seem fair . . . but my words can change someone elses day . Be honest . Make the most of each and every day with those that you love . Love makes this world spin . . . . and it makes hearts full . Love . Tell that you love . Share that you love . Love . Posted by I just spent some time flipping through random albums on iTunes . Randomly , I get in a mood where I want to find the underdog in the music industry and support them . The search began - previewing began - and then I ventured into the Customer Ratings section . I 've decided - I don 't like that section . It doesn 't give you a chance to form your own opinion . You already have preconceived ideas / thoughts about that artist before you have even listened to 2 songs . Sometimes , life is the same way . We are so eager to get everyone 's opinions on what is going on in our lives that we never step back and form our own . We judge a book by it 's cover . We won 't take the time to peel back the layers and invest in getting to know someone , an organization , a product , or a group of people . What would happen if the 5 star rating system never came about ? Sure , we 'd have a few bad experiences . But what if , we found something so special and quaint that would have otherwise been overlooked because someone that came from a different path of life , different belief systems , different personality said they didn 't like it . I mean , I 'm just saying . It 's so hard for me to like things sometimes because I know other people don 't . Reality ! That is dumb . It 's dumb that I let other people 's opinions affect what music I like . This goes much farther than music . What about the guy at the lunch table that sits by himself ? I know in high school I ignored him because I didn 't want to " look " stupid . I don 't even talk to the people that I might have " looked " stupid to . Now I not only look stupid but am stupid for not investing in his life . The point is - stop rating people , organizations , products and invest in them . Invest the time to get to know them , allow grace for them to fail , and support them . Everyone needs someone to believe in them . You never know where these people will end up . There is something so beautiful and unique inside every individual . . . . sometimes it takes someone else taking the time to unveil it . Where 's your heart ? Where 's your passion ? Why aren 't you going after the things you are called to do ? These are the questions I 've been asking myself lately . It is so easy to get caught up in life that we put our hopes , dreams , and passions to the side . Let it never be said of me - that I didn 't fight for my passions . This is a vow I make to you , I will fight for my passions . I will pursue my Lord and Savior and follow Him wherever He leads me . And I will always fight for what He put in this heart . My heart is full and expectant for what the Lord is calling me into . I may not know the exact step I am to take - but I know it doesn 't include me putting my passions on the sideline . My dream of becoming a wife to a honorable and holy man of God will be covered in prayer and fasting . My hopes of being a published writer on a realistic , down - to - earth , say it like it is - Purity book will be covered in hard work and direct downloads from my Abba . My life - long passion for children will be cultivated until the day that I have my own . My pursuit of being a friend - a good friend - will be spent over good food and talks about what really matters . My dream of speaking and teaching on purity and holiness will be prepared and cultivated by a life at the altar and in the secret place with my Father . It will be prepared through the small one - on - one opportunities I have to pour into others . My love for overseas missions will be a priority in my life . A priority of putting God first and others second . My heart for seeing Heaven invade earth will include boldness and living a life of prayer . My heart to see the church be the church will be soaked in a desire to break the life of mediocrity and to step into the fullness of who He is . This life is not my own . I plan to change things and be the best Brennen that I can be . When God speaks , I will obey . I will protect and honor the things He has placed in my life and in my heart . I will fight for the things He longs for . I will stand in the gap . I will intercede . I will love . I share my hearBrennen Gaddis Life is not always easy . In fact - life involves change , transition , and sometimes a few bumps along the way . I 'm not necessarily used to bumps that clog my mind up . Of course , problems come up - but I can normally make a decision and be on with it . However , I have found myself in a series of " bumps " where I seem to constantly be in a battle in my head . If that doesn 't make sense to you , let me keep explaining . People let you down , you let yourself down , you make bad decisions , you make good decisions other people don 't agree with , your bank account is way too low for comfort , you can 't seem to find what you are supposed to do , you still live with your parents , school is almost over which means student loans are going to have to be paid , your car 's AC goes out , and you feel like you can 't get in your purpose . Okay , so maybe that isn 't what you are going through - but that 's my head right now . I 'll be completely transparent with my blog readers . My life has been difficult lately . Not on the outside - but on the inside . I have had to bite my tongue , watch my actions , and constantly take thoughts captive lately . I have felt dried up . However , it isn 't the normal " dried up " feeling . The one where I haven 't been praying or reading my Bible and that is all that takes to fix it . But a " dried up " to reality kind of dried up . I 'm at the end of myself in making decisions on my life . And I 'm really not sure where I 'm supposed to go , what I 'm supposed to do , or how I am supposed to do it . I know what I 'm supposed to do - it 's just a matter of doing it . It 'd be much easier to run away , quit , and give up - but it 's sticking it out and figuring it out through listening to the Lord that I need to do . I 'm not really for sure the protocol for fixing a bumpy road other than Jesus . I have to keep my Yes to the Lord so loud that I don 't have to worry about saying no to the things of the world . ( Damon Thompson tidbit ) I have to keep pressing on doing the things that I know the Lord has told me to do . I have to keep in His Word . Keep praying . Keep seeking the Lord 's face . The other day I was working out the whole broken AC in my car ordeal and I kept hearing the Lord say , " My grace is sufficient . " ( And it totally is ) . What I had forgotten was what else accompanied that excerpt from scripture . The entire verse goes on to say that His power is made perfect in weakness . That is exactly what I have to keep telling myself . . . . His power can come through me when I am weak . So with that - I will rejoice in the fact that I am a human . I am in a season of my life where I 'm not at my strongest - but the Lord can be strong for me . He can handle my battles . He can handle my weakness . He isn 't scared of me . . . . He just wants to see me grow . Just like He is pushing you to be a better you - He is pushing Brennen to be the best Brennen I can be . We are never to a point where we can throw in the towel . We gotta keep moving , keep pressing , and keep seeking . I have two of the coolest bosses in Owensboro . ( Actually , in the world . ) Larry and Rosemary Conder . Two of the sweetest and most generous people I have met . I admire them for so much and one thing that they do ( that is so cool ) is they restore downtown buildings . They take run down , beaten up , nasty buildings and turn them into something beautiful . They are rebuilding quite a few buildings downtown for business and condo / apartments currently in Owensboro . Everything that they work on downtown ends up absolutely beautiful and accomplished in excellence . I was thinking this week on how great of a job they do at restoring buildings and the Lord spoke to me and said , " Nothing is too old , beaten down , or ugly to restore . " It hit me . Nothing is too difficult for the Lord . While the Conder 's specialize in buildings the Lord specializes in people . He can take the most rotten individual and with enough work , rebuilding , and change they have the possibility of turning into delightful individuals . He believes in you and sees your potential . Psalm 51 : 7 says , " Purge me with hyssop , and I shall be clean ; wash me , and I shall be whiter than snow . " The Lord desires to restore his children . He wants to see them come back into His plan , be cleaned out , wiped clean , and given an opportunity to shine . He wants His children to shine . When Rosemary goes and looks at a building I am sure she doesn 't think , " What can I do with these broken windows and walls with holes . " Instead she thinks , " These windows can be replaced with some windows I saw the other day that were so pretty . We can move that wall this way so we can build an apartment . " We need to see the potential in ourselves and begin a walk of rebuilding and restoration . I don 't have a 5 step plan . . . . . I just know to seek God , pray , and marinate yourself with His scriptures . It 's never too late to turn into something beautiful . Not for a building , and not even for a person . Now is the time . 4 . It 's okay to have maintenance work . Just fix it right the second time . 5 . Work hard . You are never too dressed up to work hard . ( I have watched Rosemary work in heels and Sorreli jewlery . Impressive . ) 6 . You just do what you have to do . They never relent , even when they are sleepy . 7 . Love the people around you . Rebuilding buildings isn 't worth it without loving the people that come into them afterwards . 8 . Help others accomplish their dreams . I 've been blessed with Rosemary in my life - she pushes me to get out of my comfort zone and excel in the things I 'm called to . 9 . Share your stories and laugh . 10 . Enjoy life . See the good in every situation . Posted by The world does not need you to be an every - day " American " Christian . The mundane , medirocre and sad excuse for Christianity must end . This world doesn 't need it . It 's actually hurting it more than it is helping the world . The world needs you on fire for the things of God . They need you to be burning . They need you to be passionate . They need to see you live out a relentless pursuit for the things of God . The glory of God must be our focus . And if you can say you are pursuing that while marking off your check - list of " I didn 't cuss today . Check . I didn 't get drunk today . Check . I kept my cool instead of socking a guy in the face . Check . " Those days are over . It doesn 't pass for enough for God . Actually , God detests it . If you are living a mediocre lifestyle for God - he isn 't pleased one bit . He actually wants to throw you up . ( Rev . 3 : 16 ) I am so sick of being scared of being a " fanatic " for the Lord . I refuse to step down to the world 's standard of Christian . I refuse to sit in the same seat every week , putting a polite smile on my face , and clapping at the good performance , and shaking hands and living a mundane & boring lifestyle . Damon Thompson hits on this a lot . . . . and since I 've been listening to his podcasts quite frequently that 's probably where this stems from . But - he says this often , " God is not boring . You are boring . " How can the God of this universe who created stars and people be boring ? He can 't ! He isn 't ! He is not boring ! The only way I know how to tell you to start to burn is to choose to burn . If you haven 't been in church or been in the word in a while that 's fine . . . . . dry wood burns better . You have to simply begin to pursue the Living God . Get in His word . Surround yourself with people that burn . ( There 's a whole group at PromiselandMetro Church : D ) Worship Him . Find Him in the everyday things . That 's my favorite thing about Him . He is in my everyday activities . He speaks to me through every - day life . He can make food an analogy of the things of God to me . I can run into a door and He 'll speak to me . You can read about it here . The bottom line is this . Jesus and His disciples were not ordinary people . They didn 't get up , go to work , come home , sleep and repeat . They lived it out . They couldn 't contain themselves . They laid hands on the sick - and they were healed . They fed the hungry . Clothed the naked . They loved to do the work of the Father . They served . Your works don 't save you - but they could touch someone else who ends up falling in love with their Creator because they saw you live it out . Once you start to burn . Burn confidently . Your confidence in your burning will push others into burning . They will see that you can burn , be a crazy person that loves the Lord , be a fanatic , be radical and still be confident . You don 't have to hide the fact that you love the Lord . Burn ! ! ! The worlds needs you to burn for the things of God . They need to see that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do . They need to know who to go to for answers . They 'll go to the burning ones - because they know they can count on them to be on their faces in prayer for them in times of need and trouble . And that they will be beside them rejoicing in the good times . Get on fire ! Live it out . I am so blessed by some of the connections I have , especially blessed by my connection to Madison , Mississippi . Two weeks ago I took off on my summer adventure . Camp Leader for RAMP for Metro 's youth for the first of the week then jumping on a flight to come to Mississippi to help out THE Terre Jasper . THE Terre Jasper is the Children 's Pastor for Pinelake Church in MS , she was also my youth leader at Bellevue for my entire Middle and High school years . I came to MS to visit , but also to help out with her Kids Week . My life is forever changed . I have grown up in church and have been on plenty of mission trips and helped out with numerous camps an I have found that it 's normally one child that changes my life . And that 's exactly what happened this week . His name will remained unmentioned . But he was not my easiest child , he was actually my most difficult . He didn 't behave , he had a bad attitude , and he didn 't have a respect for authority . All three of those things clash BIG time with me . After the first day I was pretty frustrated that he was on my basketball team with 6 other 2nd / 3rd graders . The Lord spoke to me while attempting to punish him and told me to not give up . I began to disect and pick apart his actions and behavior . After he bit my assistant coach , I decided it was time to chat . I began to ask him about his home life . . . . and it finally hit me . He was always acting defeated because he grows up in an atmosphere where no one believes in him . Tears were at the edge of my eyeballs and instead of making him sit out , I made him hug me . Not a short hug . But a hug . A hug from your g - ma that hasn 't seen ya in a while . I hugged , hugged , and hugged the poor child . He looked at me and said , " Miss . Brennen , why you hugging me ! ? " And I told him I loved him and believed in him . Everyone needs someone to believe in them . Everyone needs someone to love them . That 's what this precious child taught me . I ended up bribing him to behave . I have no idea if that was the correct thing to do , but he was amazed that I would spend a dollar on a yellow snickers . Bless his heart , he couldn 't make it the last day and didn 't even get it . But , I hope that I left him with something way better than a Snickers . ( You know that 's gotta be good . ) I pray I left him with hope and that he knows someone believes in him . Even if they live in Ky . You better believe that on our last day together when he improved 17 points on his " HotShot " score I was jumping up and down like a proud momma . Who are you believing in ? Who was the last person you hugged and told them how much they meant to you ? Reach out . Three days of playing basketball with a child who doesn 't behave changed my life . The Lord won 't quit speaking to me about marriage . He keeps giving me revelations about marriage , love , dating , purity , and life . I 'm not totally for sure why , but He is . It could be He wants me to start writing my book again or it could be so I can write this blog . I have no idea but I 'm more than happy to hear and learn . I 've prayed about and considered writing a blog about marriage for quite some time . The only reason I hesitate is because I 'm not married . But , I 've decided that excuses stink and I 'm writing it . I thought I would share some of the things God is speaking to me about : - Your spouse is a human being . They are not perfect . Give them grace to learn and grow as a person . I am sure that I have a few fairytale mindsets when it comes to marriage . Mostly being that my husband will be the best thing ever and never make a mistake . But that 's false . And in a marriage , I will have to let my husband grow into the man God is calling Him to become . - I must speak to His potential and not who He currently is . The reason for marriage is that two are better than one . I 'm not as strong on my own as I will be with my husband . We have to let iron sharpen iron . And we also have to believe in our spouses . If you constantly speak negative things over your spouse . . . . then the product of that will probably be negative . It 's amazing what believing in someone will do to a relationship . - Be on the same page . It 's hard to understand something when you 're at 2 different points . Look out for each other . Hold hands . - Love is a choice . In a marriage I will have to choose love every day . Even when I don 't feel like it . I will have to come up with reasons to love him . ( And probably write them down so I won 't forget . ) - God 's eyes . How does God see my husband ? That will check a lot of my awful thoughts when He isn 't mowing the yard when I think He should , or saying the right thing , or doesn 't want to cook . - Honor my husband now . The amount of honor I show towards my husband will be in direct correlation to the amount of life in our relationship . Honor brings life . - God first . Husband second . In that order . Always . Always . Always . My husband can 't solve all my problems or complete me . Only the Lord can . I also must communicate with my husband about the passions , encounters , and sweet whispers the Lord gives me . - I am not his Holy Spirit . God is very capable of handling my husband 's problems . Unless instructed by my Heavenly Father - I will have to keep my mouth shut . - Hug . Kiss . Spend Time with one another . Find a question that you can ask every day that will stir conversation . Communication . Physical Touch . Keep the passion burning . I am sure that when I do get married one day , I will have to re - read this blog . I am also sure that my husband and I will not always live in a fairy tale land . Even though I think we can for some of it . It 's all a matter of choice . And I will choose to love . I make that vow now . I have a few other vows that I have written out for my husband now before I 've met him . I want to honor my husband even now when I 'm sitting on a couch alone . One day my prince will come , and until that day , I 'll pray , fast , and honor Him . " Jesus . . . what are You doing ? " was the question I jotted down in my journal today . Sometimes in life things come in it that you just wonder what God has up His sleeve . That 's what is going on in my life . This past week has been a week full of encounters with Him . He is stretching me , asking me to dream bigger , think larger , and be bolder . He 's bringing things into my life that I " wonder " about . It 's so easy to try and dissect every little thing and try to figure it all out . But , what good will that do ? None . . . . I simply must come to a place of absolute trust . A friend recently told me , " Absolute trust = Absolute peace " . Ah , the truth that is in that statement ! If I am worrying over every little thing and trying to manipulate things into happening the way I see fit - I am not trusting . Therefore , I live in a chaotic mind set . A chaotic mindset is not aligning me to hear from the Lord . I want to always position myself to be able to hear from the Lord . So many times I catch myself complaining to my friends , " I 'm just not hearing the Lord speak . " How wrong am I ! ? So wrong . Either He IS speaking and my chaotic mind isn 't listening . Or , He 's already told me something and I haven 't been obedient . Last month , the Lord spoke very clearly to me and told me to give a young girl in the church something . I shut it off and said no way . Last week , He told me again . This time , I obeyed . In that month - I was not hearing from the Lord . Since last Tuesday when I stepped out in obedience - I can not get enough of the Presence of God . He 's been speaking to me . . . . that 's just one testimony of when you obey the Lord you are aligning yourself to receive from Him . We have to be in alignment with His word and His kingdom . Pastor Jeff does such a great job at explaining this , I may have to get him to write a " blog " for me about it . : ) Back to what God is doing in our lives . Stop worrying , He has it under control . It 's so good to hear that sometimes . To be reminded of His faithfulness . He knows us better than we know ourselves . He doesn 't withhold any good thing from us . He gives us the desires of our hearts . 104 : 27 God will give us our food at the proper time . Check out that verse ! The hungry get fed ! 104 : 30 He renews the Earth with His spirit . + Get in His presence , there is renewing . 105 : 15 If you are walking in your anointing - you are protected . Stand on His promises . Allow God to work , don 't try to figure it out . It 's like your on a rollercoaster . If you know every turn and curve and up and down it can take the fun out of it . It 's the surprises in roller coasters that make it fun . ; ) Get ready people ! I don 't feel like I have it all together . And if I am honest with myself , I don 't have it all together . I oversleep . I eat too much . I don 't exercise . I miss my quiet times . I talk to the Lord more than I listen . I don 't stay on my budget . And like last night , I skipped doing my homework . Simply , because I didn 't want to do it . Why is it that I do this ! ? I get so frustrated with myself . As I talk to other people , I find out that I am not the only one . But this morning , I apologized to the Lord for it . And He spoke back , " I didn 't ask you to have it all together . " That 's the thing . He didn 't . He asked us to love him and serve him . ( Amongst other things as well . ) He asked us to love him totally and completely . He asked us to live a lifestyle that lines up with the word . He asked us to love him so completely that it becomes a lifestyle . He isn 't a perfect recipe or formula . Yes , according to the world I should be up at 8am , eating healthy , exercising , etc , etc . But if I do all of that but not love … . . what am I ! ? Nothing . I must love . I must love with my entire being . I must love and serve whole - heartedly . Completely abandoned to His will . I will not be so ignorant to dismiss my lack of discipline because I love the Lord . I totally believe that the Lord wants us to live a life with some solid disciplines . Look at Proverbs 5 : 23 - " For lack of discipline they will die , led astray by their own great folly . Folly : Definition : Noun : Foolishness , stupidity , thoughtlessness So , as I was praying and asking the Lord for a passion to wake up at 8am , ready to go exercise , and resist Coca - Colas ; He reassured me that He has me in His hand . That He loves me like I am . But that yes , I do need to work on some things in my life . One lie that I have told myself , is that one day I would reach perfection . I would " have it all together " . And that 's not true . Some days , I might . But other days , I might not get it all just right . I don 't go into my day with a defeated attitude saying that I 'll never be able to do this . I wake up , put on the armor of the Lord , fill myself with His word and truth , and dive into the day confident in what the Lord has called me to . He doesn 't want us to have it all together , He wants us to be intentional . Intentional about : spending time with Him , serving Him , loving and serving others , taking care of our bodies ( adequate sleep , exercise , and eating healthy ) , and walking in our individual purpose and callings . I encourage you with the fact that you aren 't the only one who doesn 't have it all together . But that it 's okay . Just start working on being intentional . And remember that He 's holding you . He 's got your back . And their is grace for our lives with Him . Posted by If you have a husband please do not complain to me about him . I don 't have any friends that do this . But , I hear so many women complain about their husbands . And it 's always his fault . And he doesn 't do enough . What if instead of degrading your husband - you encouraged him ? I know that I am a merely 20 year old single girl who isn 't married or close to being married , but you can learn alot from the outside in . Marriages are the one thing that I study and watch . I love it when I see a couple that is still in love , working on their marriage , and striving to be the best that they can be for one another . Divorce rates are skyrocketing . The other day I had a customer say that normal life is : Get married . Have kids . Get divorced . How sad is that ! ? I am lucky to be surrounded by couples that work at their relationship and constantly choose love . And that 's the thing . . . . . you have to choose love . You have to work at it . You gotta make time for each other . You have to make each other a priority . And when he drives you nuts . . . . think about me . A single girl who can 't wait to get married . Jonah . That 's what the Lord said to me tonight . I kind of laughed to myself because everyone knows about Jonah . I was almost cocky in my " spirituality " , like I was too good to read Jonah . Doesn 't the Lord know how many times I 've read Jonah ! ? But , when the Lord speaks - I 've learned to obey . I opened up the Word not expecting to hear from the Lord . Total opposite . The Lord spoke some truths to me that definately have changed my perspective on the story of Jonah . The Lord also taught me to get off my " high - horse " and to stay a learner . ( Always stay a novice ! We can always learn something . ) The wonderful thing about the word of the Lord is it is always relevant . It works like building blocks . You can always build foundational truths to your knowledge " wall ' . It just keeps building on the previous truth . I thought I would share what the Lord taught me this evening . Here is a recap of the story in case you 've forgotten . : ) The Lord told Jonah to go to Nineveh . Jonah thought he had better things to do . Jonah bought a ticket and jumped on a ship . An awful storm came about when they were sailing . They casted lots to figure out who was causing it . It was Jonah . ( His disobedience . ) They casted him over . The sea quit . Jonah got eaten by a whale . Stayed in the whale for 3 days . He spit him up . The Lord told him to go to Nineveh again . He went . He did what he was supposed to do . Nineveh prayed and fasted . The Lord had compassion . Jonah went to the outskirts of the city to watch what would happen . The Lord gave him a shade vine for his comfort . The next day the Lord sent a worm and the vine shirveled . Jonah was angry because of the vine dying . ( Sigh . . . . ) There are many " Jonahs " walking around in our society . They recognize that Jesus is Lord over their life but are running away from their calling . Some are paying to run away from their calling like Jonah did when he bought the ticket for sea . We must wake up to our callings . We must obey what the Lord has spoken to us . He made and created each of us . Why do we question if He knows best ! ? I get so frustrated with myself when I question God . And I have to remind myself that I do not know best . He has known me longer than I have known me ! He created me ! Don 't you think He knows what is best for my life ! ? I should trust him and obey ! I laughed when I read that Jonah paid to flee from God . Why do we run so quickly from the things God calls us to ! ? Fear ? Rejection ? Pride ? Even the fish obey God . The whale could have eaten Jonah . But the Lord spoke and told it to spit him out . . . . and the whale obeyed . Amazing . After Jonah was spit out God did not give him a new assignment . He gave him the first one . We question why we can 't hear God tell us what to do in our lives . . . when He is waiting for us to obey what He has already spoken ! Recover what the Lord has spoken and obey Him . The Lord provided Jonah a vine for his comfort . But the next day He sent a worm . When Jonah questioned God . . . The Lord replied and asked him if he had tended to it to make it flourish . Many times the Lord does not give us things we are praying for because our character can 't withstand it . We have to be in a position to receive what we are praying for ! If you can 't handle the 20 dollars God gives you ever week then how can he trust you with 2 , 000 dollars a week ! ? Be faithful with what God gives you . Tend to it . Cultivate it ! Make it flourish ! This last truth is what really got me . I pray for so many amazing things to happen in my life . But I wonder if I 'm ready for them ! ? I need to get to a place where I am prepared and ready for what He gives me so I can continue to hold on to it . I always want the Lord to be able to trust me with what He gives me ! I am not saying that this is salvation by works . . . . No matter how much we do - we aren 't saved by our good acts . We are saved through grace . But faith without actions is dead . So the two go hand in hand . I want to be faithful to a faithful God ! He is faithful with me , so it should work like every other relationship . And I should return the faithfulness . Lord , I ask that you speak to each of us ! Show us your plan for our lives , give us the boldness to obey no matter what the circumstances are . I ask that if we have forgotten what you have spoken to us that you remind us . Give us the diligence and discipline to build a character that can handle what you want to give us . We are always Yours Lord ! We love you . Amen . Posted by My heart and mind are full this afternoon . So many thoughts run around in my mind . Thoughts of confusion , thoughts of clarity , thoughts of worry , thoughts of joy . . . . . some things in my life I am so certain about and others I 'm praying I 've made the right choice . This morning the Lord spoke a promise over me that he 's spoken several times over me . " My faithfulness is your shield and rampart . " It comes out of Psalm 91 : 4 . At the beginning of the year Pastor Jeff asked the staff to read Psalm 91 every day , I 'll admit I 've been slacking the past month but this morning I set aside some time and dove into the Word . The Lord knows exactly what I need . And Psalm 91 : 4 was it this morning . His faithfulness is unshakeable . It can 't be shaken . Can 't be broken . It has no breaking point . He will remain faithful . He has remained faithful . He has done so much for me and you that proves this point . He has never left us . Even when I 've run away , when I have turned my back to the whisper of his voice , He was still there . He remained the same . A rampart is a defensive wall . The Message translate the verse that His arms are protecting me . It 's the truth . I am smashed into the love of my Savior and surrounded by His arms . The arms that hold the universe . I am loved , protected , and watched over . I know that no matter what happens in my life , the Lord is my shield and rampart . He will be faithful . Through heartaches , worries of life , times of extreme trust , times of sorrow , and times of joy - He remains faithful . He protects me . He knows what is best for me . Just like a mother knows what is best for their daughter or son , He knows what is best for me . Don 't loose hope . Don 't loose your trust in Him - He is holding it all together . He withholds nothing good from us ! One of the things that I love to do is babysit . I get to pretend that I am a mother for just a few hours . I was watching one child once and had heated them up some dinner . Since I am just a pretend mother I didn 't microwave it to the perfect temperature . It was a little too hot . So the poor child was forced to stare at me holding their yummy food while it cooled off . I 'm sure they were thinking , " Does Bren Bren not think I need the food ? I am so hungry . I need that in my life . It will make me full . It will make my tummy stop hurting . Why won 't she give me that , it looks so good . " But you see , I knew that it was exactly what he needed , but I also knew that if I gave it to him at that moment that it would hurt him . It would burn his tongue . So I waited for it to cool off and then I was able to feed it to him . I tell you this for a reason . Don 't loose sight of the promises the Lord has given you . He knows the PERFECT timing to give it to you . Yes , it is exactly what you need . Yes , it will propel you into your calling . Yes , it will make your heart skip a beat . Yes , it will be so yummy and awesome . Yes , it will stop your heart from aching . But right now might not be the perfect timing . He has it in His hands . He will release it into your life at the perfect time . And until it happens , rest in the fact that his faithfulness is your shield and rampart . Faithfulness . Not going anywhere . It 's always there . He is faithful . He will never cheat you . He will never loose sight of His beloved . Rest in that and the worries of the world will drift away . Claim the verse over every worry and step back and watch what the Lord will do . I absolutely can not wait to be a mother . I have said it so many times before and have dreamt of the day . One of the things I do to prepare for motherhood is make a list of the things I want to do with my kids before stressful days of dirty diapers , a 2 page to - do list , a house to clean , and a husband to feed consume my mind . I have a feeling that in that situation I won 't think of brilliant parenting ideas . Another thing that I seem to notice is horrible parenting . Or parenting that drives me nuts . Or kids that don 't know how to behave . So . . . . I have decided to write a blog on my tips on parenting . Sure , I don 't have a kid or a husband . And no , I 'm not a scholar on parenting . But - I babysit . I watch . I pretend . I notice things . And I have a blog . So I can write it if I want to . : ) Hehe . - You may spank your child . It is not abuse . Sometimes it is simply what needs to be done . I can clearly point out children that I know are not " spanked " children . It is not abuse . Sure - you don 't beat your child . But a nice spanking is not going to kill . Spare the rod . . . . not a good idea . - Restaurants : Let your child order their food . This is something that they will have to do for the rest of their life . At the age of 5 if something was wrong with my hamburger my mom told me to go to the counter to get it fixed . I now know how to deal with the public , with restaurants , with managers , and with people . I can answer if I want Coca Cola ( duh ) or sweet tea . I think your child can as well . - If you are worried that they will order the most expensive items - give them a budget . Look at the menu before hand . . . decide an appropriate price and tell them that they have 8 dollars to spend tonight , tip included . This teaches them to spend within their means and whenever they are 20 they won 't cut their server dry on a tip because they can 't plan out beforehand . - Allow them to make decisions . Even if you know they will fail . If they always succeed - what are they going to do when they go to college or get in the real world . Making mistakes is part of life - they must learn to deal with them . - They can wait for juice if you are in the middle of a conversation . If you meet every want that they have at that instant moment you are raising NOW monsters . And at the age of 16 that isn 't going to be pretty . - Get creative with your discipline . Parent like Jesus parents . Not out of fear . ( this comes from a Kris Vallotin teaching ) You don 't want your kids scared of every thing they do . Allow them to make mistakes but also give them options . Example : " I would like you to set the table , if you choose not to you can sit i your room while the rest of the family eats . " This teaches your child to think of how they can prepare in life . If they set the table . . . then they will have something to eat their food on . And FOLLOW THROUGH . Don 't give them food an hour after dinner . ( Once again , this isn 't abuse . They can miss a meal . It 's like fasting . It 's biblical . ) - Parent is teamwork . Mom back your husband up . Dad , back your wife up . Even if you don 't agree at the moment . If they know that Mom and Dad mean business and Dad won 't get them out of trouble then they will be less likely to do " wrong " . They also will respect the two parents for having each others backs . - Take your child on dates . Real ones . Let them get dressed up . . . clean up the truck . . . dress up . . . and treat them nice . Reward them for good grades . - Teach your child to make " inside out decisions " . To decide to do right because that is what their heart knows to do . Or what the Holy Spirit says . - If you have to buy your child something everytime you go to WalMart . . . . not a good idea . What are ya gonna do when your in carlots ? Think of the future . They need to be behave because it 's the right thing / what mom needs / etc , etc . - Read One Minute Mom . . . . my mother read it . . . . and wished she had it when we were younger . All 3 children love our mom and dad and respect them incredibly much . We can sit down and have dinner without yelling and without hating it . I look forward to spending time with them . - Invest in your child without spoiling . It is perfectly okay for your child to pay for their own gas , have a job at 16 , and pay for their own college . They will appreciate it . Don 't spoil your child . Doesn 't matter how much money you have . They will have to know how to manage money in the future and if you bail them out every time . . . . . . . how will they know ? It 's okay for them to have overdraft fees . . . . . let them figure out how to fix it . - Stop arguing with your spouse . You expect your children to get a long and not fight . . . but you sit and fight with your spouse , say hateful things , don 't encourage , and totally disrespect them . Lead by example . - Let them clean their own room . Seriously , why are you cleaning it ? That 's ridiculous . Same with laundry . These are things they WILL have to do on their own . - Date night . This teaches your child that he / she will be okay without mommy or daddy all of the time . And shows the importance of your spouse in your life . - There are times to be a parent and times to be a friend . Most of the time . . . . you need to be a parent . They have friends at school . My mother will still choose spending time with my dad over me . She still makes time for me but I know that if they have date night - they are going , alone . This does not hurt my feelings . This makes me feel secure because I know my parents will not get a divorce . Your child is petrified of you divorcing your husband or wife . Don 't do it . Not fair to children . You took a vow . . . find your passion with your spouse and make it work . Love is a choice . Yay ! If you made it to the end of the list . I congratulate you . I wish I could apologize if I offended you . . . but I won 't . Because sometimes the truth is what we need to hear . We aren 't perfect . I guarantee I 'm going to need to re - read my own blog once I have my own precious children . And if you 're offended . . . . it might mean because you need to tweak some ideas on parenting . I love you . I love your kids . I can 't wait for me to read a young woman 's blog on parenting who doesn 't have kids some day . It shall be a taste of my own medicine . And medicine it is . . . . . might actually . help me out . I am to a point in my life where I 'm ready for things to be worth it . I 'm so tired of pointless homework , meetings , relationships , etc . Everything that I do - I want to have purpose . I write this as I sit in Panera Bread procrastinating homework . I know that the way I handle my homework will correlate into how I handle other responsibilities in my life . However , I am still ready for them to have purpose ! Most of my homework assignments have purpose . . . the specific one I 'm not doing right now . . . does not . I 'm not 100 % positive on how to get to the place where things are significant . And I should probably smack my hand and correct my thoughts . . . . because what I do today does have purpose . The way I handle the seemingly " insignificant " things in my life right now - builds discipline and character for the things I will handle in the future . Press on brothers and sisters . For there will be a rainy day when I 'm watching my kids and being the wife that I am called to be when I 'll look back and be thankful that I was obedient today for the things God is calling me into . How you handle today will be a building block on how you handle tomorrow . Deal with today 's problems with diligence . . . . Prepare yourself today for the things you 'll face tomorrow . And the life I dream of will come . . . . the life that only the Lord could bless me with . . . . is in the making . It 's in the building process . The foundation is being laid . . . . . I 'd never want a house without a foundation just like I 'd never want a family , husband , relationships , job , and other things the Lord will bring into my life wihtout a strong enough foundation ( character , determination , will - power , wisdom , etc ) to support it . I just posted a status on facebook and decided that I had more to say on the subject . I get so frustrated with people that can not receive from others . This is probably because I struggle with receiving from others , but with that being said , I 'm working on it . My goal in every church I walk in to , every time I spend time with someone , is to learn something from them . I want to be able to be ministered to just as much as I minister to others . We all need time to connect with God . We must spend time in intimacy with the Lord . Intimacy produces fruit . And anything healthy grows . We must spend time with the Lord and with others to be healthy . Many times whenever we are super involved in ministry we get so involved in the doing . The to - do lists , what isn 't going right , what needs to be fixed , what we need to work on - that we totally view the church as a workplace . Subconciously we come in the doors ignoring the fact that we are stepping on holy ground , that we are entering into the house of the Lord . If you are a worship leader - can you go to a church service and worship under someone else 's leadership ? Same as a pastor ? Any ministry that you are in . . . can you be under someone else 's leadership ? Are you always the teacher on the subject or do you learn from others ? Are you the only one you can hear from ? Of course , we test everything Biblically . But allow yourself to sit in the presence of the Lord . Have we also become so overwhelmed with ourselves that we aren 't even listening to the Lord 's input on our ministries ? Do we seek His face for where we are in leadership ? Or can we get past our great ideas , strategic planning , and overthinked strategies ? We must always be able to learn from the Lord . To receive correction from our Savior . Just like a parent - Our Papa God will always encourage us , but there is also a time for correction in our walk with the Lord . And . . . . . it is okay ! It 's totally fine to be corrected by our Savior . And if you obey him and change - that shows that you are able to hear God on not only the great things but also on the things that are difficult to change . So how do we get to this place ? Where we can be ministered to just as much , if not more , as we minister to others . Practically . . . . . You can develop a group of close friends that can speak into your life , and not ones that are scared of offending you . But friends that will be a friend and speak truth into your life . And when you step into the house of the Lord don 't forget that you are on holy ground . Love on Jesus and allow Jesus to love on you . Make a list of things you are working on . One of the top things that is on my list is this : Learn from everyone . Love while learning . Love learning . As I write these very words I think about my husband . It 's pretty often that the subject of love and relationships are brought up in my everyday life . I work with the public and many of them ask about my purity ring when I hand them their change . Or they want to know a little about my life and ask if I have a boyfriend . And for some reason I get nervous . I suppose it 's because I think that they won 't think I am " cool " because I 've really never had a real boyfriend . Granted , I 've had a few guys I 've hung out with and spent ( too much ) time with , but never have I been asked , " Will you be my girlfriend ? " . So when I am asked about this subject I almost cower . The other day I found myself doing that very thing , when I checked myself . Turned my attitude around and proudly said , " I 'm waiting for my husband . " There is no shame in your purity . 9 . 5 times out of 10 after I tell someone that I have never had sex or came close to having sex they react with a great deal of respect . Shock is also normally involved in their response , and some people think I am lying . I urge you , to never , ever , do what I have done ; cowering or thinking that you aren 't cool because you are waiting for your husband . You are so beyond awesome for waiting for your future spouse . And if you have messed up , no worries - there is so much grace for you . God loves you and is still proud of you . Stand up , dust yourself off , and stay pure . J Growing up I always wondered if something was wrong with me . I was the twin that never had the boyfriend . I would be Chelsea 's third wheel so she could hang out with her boyfriend . I would painfully stare out the window longing to be loved . I wondered if I wasn 't pretty enough , funny enough , perfect enough for someone to care about me , to love me , and to think I was awesome . I so deeply wanted someone to text me in the morning and to tell me Good Morning . And I was always so scared that I wasn 't good enough . Today I am so thankful that I was being hidden during those years ( and I supposeBrennen Gaddis Believe it or not , I decided to show some examples of my most recent modest and " fashionable " outfits . Being yesterdays and todays . ( I never dreamt of claiming myself to be fashionable on a blog that is available for anyone to read . ) My intent is not to toot my own horn or to tell you to dress like me . My goal is to inspire you to dress in a modest way that will cause people to look at YOU and not your skin . That 's the goal right ? In life , I want people to know who I am . How great it would be to be known as the most fashionable , prettiest , and Godliest girl . . . but when it REALLY all comes down to it . . . I just want people to know me . Brennen Gaddis . The real me . The girl who laughs at inappropriate things and likes to drink Coca - Cola Classic wayyy too much . So with that being said , don 't distract who you are on the inside by what you wear on the outside . Show people the real you and dress with class . Be cute , be funky , be beautiful , but most importantly be you . The you with class and integrity . Okay , so here we go with Modesty 102 ! ! I have gotten an abundance of feedback from my first post on Modsety . . . . and it spurred my imagination on . Here are practical tips of how I dress myself . These first 2 images are the same day - in one I simply added a scarf . Scarfs are always a nice & modest touch to outfits , they also help cover up a good amount of skin while being fashionable . This one is a light scarf since it was pretty warm yesterday . ( Well , in the beginning of the day . ) Even though I wore a scarf I went a head and layered my oversized black scoop neck t - shirt ( Walmart , $ 5 ) with a pink camisole . It 's a higher rise tank and it also is pretty long . Which is great since I have to bend over at work . I was glad that I went ahead and wore this tank top under my shirt because half way through the day I dropped part of my Italian Chicken sandwich on my scarf . : ) This would be an outift that I would be comfortable wearing heels with . Be picky . . . it 's a war out there for the men we pass on the streets . Layers make life easy . . . and make modesty easy . Layer , layer , layer . Invest in camisoles . The camisoles that I am wearing in both pictures were under $ 4 . One I bought in Panama so I have no idea what brand it is , and the tan one I bought at Charolette Russe ! Forever 21 also has cheaper camis . Hide your bra straps ! This can be a tough one . . . and sometimes I fail at this . . . but there is no need for every man you pass to know what color bra you 're wearing . I asked a few guys that go to church with me their thoughts on what women wear . Might I add that these are attractive men of God . . . I didn 't ask geeky guys . ; ) These are guys that you 'd be extremely blessed to bring home to momma . They are some dearly close friends of mine and have hearts of gold . One agreed that clothes have an affect and added how important it is to not be too revealing . . . . but the main thing that attracted him to girls is their relationship with the Lord , their laugh , and how their looks . Another one said , " You are worth the pursuit of a man , no one is worth the back burner . And relationships based on competition are not healthy . Don 't dress for the world , dress for you , be comfortable with yourself . It 's not worth dressing for the world . " He also added to not show anything you cover up in front of your parents to any man that isn 't your husband . Haha . ; ) Another guy added that girls / women who dress inappropriately scandalous look ridiculous . Dress in harmoney with yourself and not try to force anything , style and attractiveness are more an outward symbol of knowing who you are than a physical lure . When it all comes down to it , modesty is worth it . Your husband will thank you for it . You don 't have to show extra skin to get a man . It 's possible to do it . You 're saving every man you pass each day the battle that lies within them . Protect yourself and protect them . ; ) Be encouraged . The other day I was in a dressing room with 6 dresses . I tried each of them on . . . . in the appropriate size . . . . and none of them worked . Why ? Because if I bent over the whole world would know what color panties I 'd have on . Granted . . . . if I stood up and did the fingertip rule I would [ barely / hardly ] pass . But when life would hit me in that dress and I would one day chase a plastic bag in Walmart 's parking lot . . . . . or lean down to tie my shoe ( Laced shoes and dresses are in style ) more of Brennen would be revealed than what is necessary or appropriate . The fact of the matter is . . . . modesty is a difficult way to dress these days . It 's almost easiest to cave in wear my dresses a little bit shorter . . . and my shirts a little bit lower . I mean , what 's a little extra skin showing gonna hurt ? Let me tell ya . . . . . . It 's gonna become a battle for a man of God . So beautiful ladies . . . . . take a stand . . . and put on some dang clothes . A few years ago . . . I didn 't care what in the world I wore . I 'd run out of the house as quick as I could because I knew my momma wouldn 't approve . . . . but I wanted to be " hot " . But somehow , the Lord has placed a passion for modesty , purity , and holiness upon my heart . And I 've been silent for far too long . I 'm here to say . . . or write . . . . Even in 2011 you can dress modestly . First . . . . Lift your hands . . . . and come on now . . . lift ' em high . He 's worthy right ! ? Second . . . . Kneel . . . do every type of kneeling . . . . Is yo ' booty hangin out ? How 's your shirt . . . . can you see straight down it ! ? Watch out ! 2 . Layer . Invest in a few camisoles that come up pretty high . No cleavage . Cleavage is simply not fair to any man . Men are visual and as Godly as they can be . . . . you don 't want your cleavage to be their stumbling block . You also want camisoles that are longer . So if your shirt comes up your back , side , or belly doesn 't show . 3 . Dresses . . . . pick wisely . Don 't buy a dress that 's too short . It may be the cutest dress there is . . . . but it 's not worth it . You can always add leggings if it 's appropriate . 4 . Balance . I am not suggesting that you wear a ugly / out dated clothes , no make up , and the only thing you can see if your face . You can still be absolutely gorgeous without showing tons of skin . If you 're shirt scoops down and shows some skin up top ( a Godly amount ) then pair it with something that covers you up on the bottom . And vis versa . . . many times if I wear a skirt - I will choose a t - shirt style blouse or a shirt layered with a jacket . It simply balances you out . . . . and shows that you can tastefully look beautiful . 5 . High Heels . Heels can be hott , but they can also be pretty skanky . If you 're wearing a skirt that comes a few inches above your knee . . . . I 'm not so sure heels are going to be the best choice . I would wisely choose a pair of flats or cute gladiator sandals . If you 're wearing jeans , or a longer skirt . . . . go for the heels . You can rock a great pair of shoes modestly . 6 . Accessorize . I 'm not so sure that this is a Modesty tip . . . but it is a fashion tip . Many times the only modest things I can find are plain items . . . but it 's totally okay if you accessorize yourself . Change it up with your color . . . . I always try to throw in a surprise accessory that most people wouldn 't think would go with it . : ) It 's like a game ! 7 . Be you . From head to toe . Don 't try to impress men with your skin . Think if what you 're wearing is what attracts a man to you . . . dress for a man that you deserve . If he is only attracted to you for your mini - skirt , cleavage , and long legs . . . . I 'm not so sure he 's the Godly man that you desire and deserve . Men - I apologize for what you go through every day . I can 't imagine the inner battle you go through with the way that we dress . I vow to always keep your inner man in mind when I dress . Always making sure that I am dressed modestly and appropriately . Girls . . . . be you . That 's the best advice I have for you when it comes to life . Be the best you that God created you to be . Dress modestly and wear a smile and some confidence . ; ) As a blogger I sometimes want to just throw my problems out into the world because writing is an escape for me . I want to vent and yell and cry all through my blog with the frustrations of life . I have decided against it . And will continue to . Not because it wouldn 't be fun and feel good , but because 1 . it 's not tasteful , 2 . it won 't help , and 3 . it drives me nuts when other people live their life through social media . So I refuse . But a bad habit that I have developed is not writing what is in my heart - simply because it might step on some toes . What I know as truth , and as black and white , has yet been revealed to some of those around me . ( Or they have yet to listen . ) I openly admit that I am sure there are some out there that think the same thing about me . And , the best part about it . . . . . it 's okay . We 're human . We make mistakes . We couldn 't be better people if we were already perfect . We have to simply brush ourselves off and get up and try again ! So , I , Brennen Gaddis , promise to never withhold Godly wisdom or advice because I 'm afraid it might step on one 's toes . I also promise to not hold back from writing something I 'm not an expert on . I have something to offer . Just like every single one of you . So be prepared . . . . my blogs might get a little bit more honest . I might even turn into one of those bloggers that you say , " Did she really write that ! ? " But . . . the truth must be revealed . I am a messenger . And a messenger that is learning right along with you . : ) Modesty , Dating , Marriage , Parenting ( I said I wouldn 't hold back from writing about something I 'm not an expert at . . . . I forgot to add - not experienced on there as well . ) I 'm excited to get parts of my heart out there . Even if just one person reads it and is touched . . . . I have done my part . It excites me to write even this blog . I never imagined I 'd write a blog . . . about writing a blog . : ) So fun . The other night I was so blessed to watch a few couples be prayed and prophesied over . As I watched one particular couple hold hands , lean on each other , and receive the Lord 's word over their life together - tears came to my eyes . Tears of happiness and rejoicing for the most part . But in that quiet part of my heart , I ached for that very scene in my own life . It 's what I pray and dream of , it 's what I write about , it 's what I love . Love . Marriage . 2 individuals living life as one . Selflessness . A Holy Matrimony . In that moment , my mind raced back and I could see myself laying in bed on lonely nights and praying for my husband . I saw moments when [ it seemed ] everyone else had someone to love and I had no one . The moments where I had been overlooked for the superficial girl that wasn 't even the real deal . And my heart ached . . . it ached for that bond I will one day have with my husband . I simply cried out to the Lord that I wanted that but only in His timing . In my little mind , the perfect time for me to meet my husband is in the next 5 minutes , ( giving myself time to get myself together ) . But ultimately , The Lord knows the perfect timing . I may not understand it , I 'm sure you all could come up with plenty of reasons for me to not get married . Probably the fact that I 'm 20 being # 1 . But I know that He has it all under control . ( And 20 's a perfect age . . . . . lots ' o babies or lots o ' time before having babies ! ) He 's writing a beautiful story for me . One that I will cherrish for years to come . And a story that is a reality . One day I will have a husband to " do life together " . To have a family with and to serve Jesus together . The whole point of this blog post isn 't to share with you my heart for the man God has for me but it is this : The time spent in waiting will only deepen the amount of gratitude I will one day have for what God has given me . Life is not about the end result . It 's about everything in between . It 's about the journey . And this journey that I am on of preparing myself for my man is beautiful . I 'm not always perfect and I will ALWAYS be growing . And I am okay with that . The thing to remember is that waiting may not be fun , but it 's worth it . Every moment of waiting is worth it if you 're waiting for what God has for you . This ( crazy ) woman has a pet boa constrictor . A snake that she absolutely loves . Loves so much that it sleeps with her at night . She noticed that he hadn 't been eating for a while and that when he was sleeping he was sleeping in a straight line , when he normally slept curled up in ball . She decided to call her vet and ask him about it . As she tells him all of this he immediately says to get rid of the snake as soon as possible . Come to find out . . . . . The snake had been fasting so he could save enough space to eat his owner . He had been sleeping straight up and down because he was sizing up his owner . And when he reached a certain length then he knew that he had enough space to eat her . Pretty dang gross right ? I absolutely hate snakes , so I really hate this story . I thought about doing some research to find out more about this " sizing up " thing that they do , but refrained because I knew I 'd have nightmares , and constantly be on the snake look out ! However , I couldn 't get this story out of my mind for quite a while . Because it floors me that the woman would sleep with a snake . That is ridiculous . As I began to think on this it hit me that we do the same things . We allow things in our life that can potentially harm or kill us . Addictions , ungodly relationships , ungodly habits and behaviors , etc . We know that it isn 't what God intended for us - but we go ahead and let it sleep with us , size us up , and give it the opportunity to eat us alive . And that is exactly what sin will do . satan will use every opportunity that we give him to get into our lives . He can manipulate it to where in the beginning " it 's not a big deal " . The sin is so small that why would it even matter ? ( Sin always matters , that 's a lie . It 's from satan so don 't listen to that ! ) But as time passes we get more comfortable with that sin in our life . . . and it grows . . . and before you know it , it 's just like that boa constrictor . Waiting for the moment to take our life away . Sin is crouching at our door , and we must rule over it ( Genesis 4 : 7 ) . 1 . We cut it off . Get rid of it . Give yourself no access to it . This is not a time to show yourself that you can be strong and just say no . No , do not even give yourself the opportunity to get into that area of sin again . 2 . Get an accountability partner . It is too easy to go back to the things we are comfortable with . Having someone that will hold you accountable to your decision to go God 's way over your own will be extremely helpful . 4 . Pray against that struggle . It is from satan - therefor it doesn 't stand a chance . Rebuke it and replace it with the truth . For example , if you have trouble with body image - rebuke the lie that you aren 't pretty . And replace it with " the King is enthralled by my beauty " ( Psalm 45 : 11 ) . 5 . Dust yourself off and keep moving . Your past does not define you . You still have an opportunity to be the best you that God created . It 's never too late . My wonderful and faithful blog readers , Have I told you how much I love you ? And how much I appreciate that you take time out of your day to read my thoughts ? Because I do . It means the world to me . Which is why I trust you with some advice I need . One of my dreams is to write . I 've had this passion and desire since I was younger but have always watered it down . I remember writing short stories as a child and the teacher always telling me that I had too much in it for a short story . So I quit writing . Well - I 'm writing again - and it makes me come alive . I absolutely love it . I love that people understand what I 'm saying . I love that I 'm able to put into words what is in my heart . So I want to make my dreams come true . I 'm beginning to work on a book about purity . But I also have been encouraged and have been thinking about pursuing writing for a newspaper or a magazine of some sort . I am definitely not the best writer around but I refuse to believe the lie that I have nothing to offer . Because , I do . Just like YOU have something to offer . I need some help picking out some blogs to edit and send in to a few places . So - let me know what your favorite blog posts are ! Also - what would you all like to see me write about ? Is there anything that you would like to request me to do / write / showcase ? I am always open to ideas and need your help in being the best writer that I can be . Also - if you know of a magazine or somewhere that my writing would fit in that I could send in a blog let me know of that to ! There you go lovely people of God ! Time to help a girl out achieve her dreams ! : ) And that girl - just happens to be me ! : ) I love you all ! be the best you while doing this , don 't make excuses for ungodly behavior by saying " this is how I am " , be Godly and be who God 's called you to be . love people limitlessly . give them grace . if you are wrong in being frustrated / angry - make it right . show and demonstrate mercy . cute clothes really do make a difference in your day take time to invest in people 's lives . get to know them . talk less than other people . ( I need this written so I see it all the time ) God is so beyond amazing . I am so glad that hope and peace are a part of my day . I am so thankful for what God is doing and am beyond excited for the things to come . I love Jesus . Yes , I do . I love Jesus . How about you ? I have this new obsession . And it truly is an obsession . One Tree Hill . It 's a tv show that has been airing for quite some time . I am not very good at watching shows every week and planning my schedule around it . ( I think it 's a good thing . ) However , my friend has loaned me the entire seasons . So that makes it easy to escape and spend hours watching this show . At the point of the show I am in , they are in high school . And boy , does it make me want to go back to high school . That 's a big statement for me to say . But really , if I could , I 'd go back at least for a week . And I would eat lunch with the ones who have been left out . I would walk down the hallway with the young man who always gets made fun of , and I 'd get to know the slightly awkward girl who never speaks . I would make a difference . When I was in high school , I was wrapped up in how much I hated it that I didn 't even look to see what I could do to make it better for someone else . There are students and people that go to school and work who despise their lives . Who go unnoticed . Who miss school for weeks and no one ever notices . They live with pain and depression . And why didn 't I do anything about it ! ? Why don 't I do something about it ? I don 't have to be in high school to change someone 's life . There are still lonely people . I want to find them . And I want to love them . Why ? Because that 's what life is about . Life isn 't about the coolest new trend , or having the coolest things . . . . . Life is about making a difference . It 's about sharing Jesus ' love . I hate to admit it , but I 'm not sharing His love these days . I 'm in my safe " clique " of Christian friends , I 've lost my heart for the lost , broken , and down - hearted . But through a television show , the Lord has opened my eyes to them once again . I sat on my couch and cried for them yesterday in shame . Because my heart had never heart for them like that in way too long . My heart is in process of being broken . Broken for the things it should be broken for . And for that , I am not ashamed . Life isn 't about me , life is about Jesus and the hurting . Make a difference . Begin today . Isaiah 58 says it best , 6 " Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen : to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke , to set the oppressed free and break every yoke ? 7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked , to clothe them , and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood ? 8 Then your light will break forth Posted by

It 's March Madness . No , not basketball related ( although I realize that is going on right now ) but it 's my schedule . Pure Madness . I feel like we have been running around non - stop lately . " Doing what ? " you might ask … even if you didn 't ask , I am going to tell you . Duddley got his first haircut of the year ! I just absolutely LOVE him with short hair . 1 ) He doesn 't shed as much which makes my house , clothes , and life in general less dog - hairy , 2 ) He is SO soft that I just want to snuggle him all the time , & 3 ) He looks and acts like he is 7 years younger ( he 's 9 btw ) . How does that even happen ? In what situation did this bone drop out of his mouth and end up like this in my kitchen ? I need a nanny - cam to watch what he does all day . I am sure the footage would be fascinating . Have you ever made banana pancakes ? What about pancakes literally made from only bananas and eggs ? Yep . When I first heard the recipe , I was like " There 's no way that will cook like pancakes , much less taste like anything I want to eat . " I was so wrong . They cook EXACTLY like regular pancakes and are absolutely delicious . The most simple ingredients ever : 2 bananas , 2 eggs . period . the end . that 's it ! And that makes a serving about like this one on the right … You ever have those days where you think , " I just need to go back to bed and try this day again later " ? I definitely had one of those days recently . I was already running late ( which seems to be a common occurrence for me lately which is strange because I used to be early to everything ) and just filled up my big YETI cup with water because I take it with me everywhere . I picked up some stuff to leave , reached for my YETI and made the awful mistake of grabbing it by the top with my tiny little leprechaun hands and this happened … That void you see up there to the top right ? That was my purse … WIDE OPEN . So not only was I running late already , I just gave the inside of my purse and all of its contents a nice bath . Thank goodness it was just water ! And anyone that knows me well would be happy to know that I refrained from having a " Neeley siezure " ( what my family likes to call my temper - tantrums / extremely short fuse that goes off all the time and comes directly from my dad ) and actually just laughed because at this point , what else can you do about it ? ? At least it forced me to mop up my dirty floors … So I was walking in TJ Maxx and saw a delightful little message in the random block - signs section . You know the one I 'm talking about . I chuckled and added one that said , " Follow your dreams " above it . I came back down the aisle a few minutes later for something different and noticed it had been changed . Then I thought to myself , " Great . Someone thinks that this 28 - year old girl with her Starbucks and a sense of humor put up the whole thing , ' JACKAS ' and all . " Ah crap . Someone is judging me but I didn 't even start it . Then I thought to myself … " Wait a sec … you thought the sign was bad and needed Jesus but the part you replaced was my addition of ' Follow your Dreams ' ? ! " Makes perfect sense . If anything it kinda seems like you are calling our Lord and Savior a ' Jackas ' which is WAY more offensive than anything that was already up there . I thought about going into a full on signage battle but then figured it 's best to leave this one be … There 's a place that popped up a little while back close to our house in an old gas station parking lot selling fresh street tacos . There was ALWAYS a line there when Joseph and I drove by and we kept saying how we needed to try them . We waited for a night that if we did happen to get deathly ill , we wouldn 't miss anything important . And boy were they totally worth it ! We immediately knew exactly why their line is always so long . They were only $ 1 each and were SO delicious . And bonus points - we didn 't get sick ! So I totally recommend trying the closest street food around you … you just might be pleasantly surprised ! I hate working in my flower beds . But I also hate not having flowers / having an ugly flower bed and I hate spending money on things I am able to do myself . So I work in my flower beds . I cut back my rose bushes and it killed me a little inside because they were already blooming ! This crazy weather has all of my plants so confused . But since I didn 't want my rose bushes to be out of control by the end of the year , I trimmed them back anyways and just stuck the blooms in a vase to enjoy . WE HAVE BABY DUCKS ! They are so dang cute ! and EVERYWHERE in our neighborhood ! I have found two sets so far - one with 12 babies and one with 13 ! Speaking of adorable … Did I show you our dog ? Maybe a few times ? But how can you resist bragging about a cute , little face like his ? ? This is how cute and snuggly he is in the morning . He even tucked himself in ! Y ' all . This dog LOVES pillows so much . It is hilarious . All of the extra throw pillows we have on our bed are stacked in the corner of our room at night and he will knock them over so he can lay his head on one . Sometimes I look at him and love him so much that my heart hurts . I mean , look at that sweet face ! Since this week is St . Patrick 's Day , I randomly thought about Lucky Charms … you know because of stereotypical leprechaun things and I like food . So we had our potluck dinner with our bible study last night and I thought I would make something with Lucky Charms . And because my mom is clearly the baker of the family with her snazzy delicious cakeballs , I decided I would go the easy route and just make sugar cookies . I added white chocolate chips ( because why not ? ) and the marshmallows from Lucky Charms ( because who eats the actual cereal pieces ? ) . And they were SOOO tasty ! We were in a rush to get to bible study on time so I cut the baking time probably a minute or two early but the ooey gooey goodness that resulted was everything I 've ever wanted . So if you are looking for a St . Patty 's Day treat that has a minimal time and effort to crowd - pleasing ratio , get a tube ( or two ) of the Pillsbury sugar cookie dough in the fridge section , a bag of white chocolate chips , and pick the marshmallows out of the box of Lucky Charms then put the cookie dough and a handful ( or two … I literally just dumped the chips in until it looked like a good amount ) in a bowl and mix . Then roll a cookie size amount of dough in a ball and turn 5 - 6ish marshmallows in the dough then bake the cookies as usual . Mine baked for about 10 mins at 350 degrees to this deliciousness . The one thing you shouldn 't do ? Pull the hot cookie sheet out and hold it near your face while trying to shut the oven door . Why ? Because the corner could hit you in the chin and you look ( and feel ) like an idiot for the next few days , possibly forever . This year , I was sick on Valentine 's Day . So I suppose it is a good thing that I despise the holiday . Do you celebrate Valentine 's Day ? If so , please explain to me why . I won 't judge because I realize I am not in the majority of the world when I hate the day . But I just don 't get it . I think love should be celebrated and expressed every day . And I also don 't think that giving me expensive flowers that will die , chocolate that will make me fat , and a teddy bear that will go in the next garage sale is the best way to show me your love . You want to rock my world ? Clean my house , do the dishes , let me have a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book … . don 't spend money on overpriced junk . Luckily I am married to a wonderful man who totally gets me . I think the first time I told Joseph if he bought me anything for Valentine 's Day , I would be mad at him he panicked . Multiple people told him , " No she 's just saying that and you better get her something . " So when he asked me again I assured him that if he bought me anything , I would break up with him . The terror in his eyes told me he was trying to decipher if this was some sort of cruel test . I told him if he must do something , then he could make me dinner . I didn 't want to go anywhere and wait for a table for an hour to have crappy service because the restaurant was over crowded and under staffed . He decided to make me lamb chops with mint jelly which I had never had before and I fell in love - with lamb and with him . It was so good . But anyways , I was sick Valentine 's Day but towards the afternoon I was feeling a bit better so I decided to go to the grocery store so we could actually have food for the week . I have never in my life seen so many individual men completely confused . They were all standing in the floral section trying to pick out flowers , balloons , baskets of God knows what , chocolate covered strawberries , cards , etc worth about a tenth of what they probably paid for them . I felt so bad for them then so thankful that my husband would never be one of those men . So tell me again how picking out a last - minute panic gift at the grocery store is romantic ? Do you actually eat the chocolate filled with toothpaste or keep the massive " I LOVE YOU " Mylar balloon ? Does that red teddy bear sit on some bed in your house or become a dog toy ? I truly want to understand it . I am a frugal person so you obviously get why I can 't understand spending $ 100 on flowers that will cost $ 17 next week . I don 't even like Joseph buying flowers in a vase for me . I tell him if he wants to get me flowers , pick them on the side of the road or get the little individual sets at HEB and I will piece them together in a vase I already have at home . They look just as good for a fraction of the price and I still know he loves me - in fact I know he loves me even more because he spent less because he knows I love a good deal . When you are sick on Valentine 's Day , watching TV is a challenge . I am clearly not the sappy , love - story girl but when I turned on the TV , Titanic was playing . Why in the world I didn 't change the channel beats the hell out of me but I decided to watch it . If you haven 't seen the movie , spoiler alert - it 's 20 years old , and I don 't care . We all know Jack dies at the end and Rose is a selfish idiot for more reasons than just not sharing the raft ( although I completely understand that the thing wouldn 't have stayed afloat with both of them on it seeing as he tries to get on it too but it sinks so he lets her get on it by herself ) … But it got me thinking about another scenario … . if Rose would 've just gotten on the damn life boat , Jack would 've survived and they would 've lived happily ever after … . How ? Because she would 've been on the boat all safe and warm , he would 've gone off into the water with the ship and froze NEARLY to death BUT HE would 've been on the floating door or whatever Rose was hogging and HE would 've been saved by the life boat that came back by blowing the whistle . So Rose is dumb and the movie made me sad and then pissed and it 'll probably be another 20 years before I can watch it again . But I suppose love makes you do stupid things … like spend $ 300 on flowers and chocolate and bears and crap . So I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine 's Day ! As a side note I feel as though I should explain that I am not a hater of love . I love love . I just hate the commercialization and expectations that February 14th gives … I just have the expectations that it should be expressed every day … and not with gifts . Stepping off soap box now … kthanksloveyoubye ! Seriously ? ! ? 2017 ? ! ? I still feel like it should be 2014 … honestly where does the time go ? I never believed anyone older than me that said " oh just wait , it goes by faster and faster every year ! " I thought it was a bunch of crap ! But I honestly think I blinked and 2 whole years have flown by ! Have I been in a coma ? ? Nope . Just busy living life and thank God I have pictures to prove it otherwise I think I really would believe I have been in a coma for 2 years ! Soooo … to catch you up to speed on everything that happened since my last post that was in * cough * September * cough * through the end of 2016 - here you go ! Did you know HEB does these little dinners where you buy tickets and have a multiple course dinner right there in the middle of the store ? Sounds crazy and awkward , right ? Well it is ! But you know what else it is ? DELICIOUS ! ! Our friend Angela convinced several of us to participate in a HEB dinner that 's theme was " You 're BACON me hungry ! " Every course had bacon in it ( which was really all she needed to convince me to go ) plus they were paired with a different Saint Arnold 's beer . Everything was SO tasty ! I would definitely recommend it . You just have to ignore the people actually shopping for groceries around you hahaha I was up at the lake house on the phone with my friend Jessica in the living room when I heard a loud " THUMP ! " against the window . I went outside to see what it was and there was this tiny little hummingbird in the crack of the deck , not moving . Of course being the animal lover I am , I freaked out ! I thought he was dead ! I got on the ground and noticed he was still breathing but he just wasn 't moving . I was worried maybe he broke his little neck when he flew into the window . I picked him up and just soothed and pet him trying to get him to wake up because the poor little guy knocked himself out ! Eventually he came to and perched up on my finger looking around . I sat there holding him for about 30 minutes . It was so awesome seeing such a beautiful creature up close and actually being able to hold him . I love hummingbirds and have always found them fascinating but to see him still and up close was just incredible . He eventually flew off ( but not before I captured a few pictures and videos ) and I hopefully went to his little hummingbird family and lived happily ever after . My mom saw a Halloween wreath and wanted me to make one for her friend 's cancer benefit . So I did . And I liked it so much , I decided to make one for my house as well because I didn 't have a Halloween wreath yet ! I also made a Christmas wreath for the benefit too … . still need to get around to making me a new Christmas one but that 's a project for a different day . We took our 2nd Girls Trip / Wine Weekend to Fredericksburg , TX again this year ! A few of us went hiking up Enchanted Rock then we all went on tours to a few different wineries . And as always , it was so much fun ! Great wine and great times were had by all ! I just absolutely love my nieces . Even when they are being total stinkers , they are some of my favorite people in the world . We 've had such a fun trip to Dewberry Farms . I mean , look at these faces ? How can you not love them to pieces ? We bought a dehydrator and decided to try out different things . So far we have done deer jerky , bananas , strawberries , pineapple , apples , and mangos . Bananas are by far my favorite . No , we didn 't dehydrate a cat but doesn 't this banana slice look just like Grumpy Cat ? ? hahaha cracks me up every time … Neva and I did our first Inflatable 5k ! It was really cold but fun ! I expected more inflatable obstacles but I suppose they have to fit in 5k worth of distance in there somewhere … shocker that my least favorite part of a 5k is the running … Sooo … I broke my middle finger . I was playing tug - o - war with Duddley annnnd HE WON ! Yay for Duddley . Somehow my finger slipped weird on the rope and I heard a loud " POP ! " Turns out , it was my bones breaking through the joint closest to my fingernail . So great , right ? Luckily it was my left hand but you 'd be surprised how much you use your middle finger on your non - dominant hand … happy to report that I didn 't need surgery which was originally a concern and the big ugly brace is finally off of my finger ! I was sitting in the living room when I saw Hemi playing with something by the front door . Seemed like she might have a critter ( she does that sometimes , typically lizards ) so I jumped up to save whatever she was trying to mangle . Turns out it was the tiniest lizard I have ever seen ! He was so cute ! I took a couple of pics of him then set him on his merry way in the flower bed . We celebrated Duddley 's 9th birthday ! I can 't believe that little stinker is already 9 years old ! He got a puppy latte from Starbucks and a really big bone ! ( If you 've never taken your dog to Starbucks , you should . They give you a free little cup of whip cream called a puppy latte or puppacchino ! ) We had a wonderful Christmas this year ! Great time spent with friends and family ! ( Also , Duddley and Hemi both had Christmas outfits … and I 'm pretty sure they both hated me for it … ) This year , Joseph and I just stayed home and celebrated New Year 's Eve by ourselves . Joseph made a prime rib for the first time for our New Years Eve dinner and it was AMAZING ! ! ! I made a horseradish sauce and au jus sauce along with jalapeno cheese grits and salad ( salad recipe courtesy of HEB dinner that we attended earlier in this post ) . If only prime rib wasn 't so dang expensive because I would happily eat that once a week . It was a great year to finish off 2016 ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

We recently returned from our trip to Romania . Thanks to everyone who helped us plan by answering my many questions . We had a few bumps along the way , but overall we enjoyed the trip . My husband , who enjoys landscape photography , was not particularly inspired , but we expected that going in to the trip . For most trips , we base in one location and take day trips , so we moved around much more on this trip than usual . Our main goals on this trip were to see the painted monasteries and to explore Translyvania , making sure to see Poenari Fortress and Vlad Tepes ' birth place in Sighisoara for our son ( age 11 ) . Our daughter ( age 10 ) was also with us . I 'm happy to answer any questions or go into more detail if people are interested . 15 June - early morning flight from London Luton to Tirgu Mures , Romania . We flew on the budget airline Wizz Air . This was our first time flying with them and we had no problems at all . There wasn 't a lot of room in the seats , but it was not a long flight . Carry - on baggage is very restricted but if you pay to check a bag it can weight up to 32 kg . We paid for 2 bags so we all just had backpacks for carry - ons . Our flight arrived early , but it took a while to make it through passport control since there was only 2 agents for the entire plane . Tirgu Mures is a very small airport . We had arranged to rent an SUV with autonom . ro and they were great . On the advice of people on fodors we paid the extra amount to be fully covered with no excess . The agent met us at the airport and went over everything with us in detail , showing us where everything was , reminding us to use headlights at all times , and warning us that the police were picky on speed so to be careful . We then set out toward Vama in Bucovina where we had a place booked . We were happy that we rented an SUV because it gave us a little more room and complete confidence on the less than stellar roads . I believe we could have gone almost anywhere we did in a normal car , but it would have taken even longer . Plus , we had plenty of room for luggage and for my daughter to stretch out after an injury which I 'll get to later . This first drive was the worst of the trip . We expected lots of potholes and knew we wouldn 't be traveling on highways , but it seemed like the first 2 / 3rds of our drive between the airport and Bucovina was through areas with one lane traffic due to road works . There were many areas where the side of the road was completely dug away ( 4 - 5 foot drop ) with just a sign warning of danger , and nothing more . So this drive took longer than expected . It wasn 't just that we were moving slow , but we often had to stop completely . It took us over 5 hours to go the 234km between the airport and Vama . There were many horse drawn carts filled to the brim with straw and lots of women in traditional dress along the roads . We liked that the houses were very decorative and often brightly colored . We arrived at Casa Elvira just after 6pm . It was nice , but since we were the only people there it felt a bit strange . It was very clean and spacious . We drove back to the previous town for dinner . 16 June ( Saturday ) - breakfast was good and it was ready at 7 : 30am as we had requested . After breakfast we got on the road to visit the painted monasteries . Our first stop was Moldovita Monastery and it was very impressive . The detailed paitings were amazing and told so many bible stories . I 'm really glad we came to this area to see the monasteries . Next we went to Sucevita which was larger . The driving today was not bad at all so we ended up going to all 5 monasteries we planned to see in one day . Next was Arbore Monastery which was much smaller . We then had lunch and continued to Humor and Voronet . The weather was beautiful so I was able to get lots of great photos . We had originally planned to stay 3 nights in Vama , but decided to leave after 2 since we 'd seen the monasteries we wanted to see . 17 June - Sunday - today we made the long drive between Vama and Brasov . We made better time than on the first day and arrived around 4pm after a quick stop for sandwiches and a picnic lunch along the way . We routed our drive through Bicaz Gorge which was nice but which would not have been worth the drive if we weren 't already heading south . We showed up at Hotel Natural a day early and luckily they were able to fit us in for 4 nights instead of 3 . This hotel was in a great location . There is parking in the front of the building but it is only saved with a sign that says ' no parking ' . They simply moved their sign for us and we parked there every day ( moving the sign back whenever we left ) . We walked around Brasov a bit the first night just to get a feel for the town . We knew that many places were closed on Mondays ( which is why we originally planned our driving day for Monday ) , but we thought the Black Church was open Monday so we didn 't worry about visiting on this first night . Unfortunately , we realized around 6 : 50pm when we wandered by that it closed at 7pm on Sunday and was not open on Monday so it would have to wait . We also thought there would be more souvenir shops ( especially for my son who is very interested in 18 June - Monday - As expected , today was a slow day because not much is open on Mondays . We originally planned to visit Bran Castle on our last day after checking out so even though that was open we did not go there today . Breakfast was available from 7 - 9 and we were down at breakfast at 7am simply because we naturally wake early . We then headed out around 8am to wander around the town . Shops didn 't open til 9 or 10 so we just walked around . We walked around the outside of the walls and went up to the White Tower and the Black Tower . They weren 't open but it was a nice view . We then walked down to St . Nicholas Church before turning around and coming back to the main town . We then looked at some more shops and had lunch in one of the restaurants on the main strip . I don 't remember the name but it was quite good . It was about 90 degrees Farenheit and sunny during our entire trip , so we came back for a bit to cool off . My daughter and I headed back out to get photos of St . Catherine 's gate . We also went back to the Black Tower to get photos in better light . For dinner we just had desserts since we were still quite full from lunch . My husband had papanasi which is a Romanian dessert of fresh donuts covered in strawberry and cream sauce . 19 June Tuesday - Today did not start great because my son was sick to his stomach 5 times during the night between 11pm and 2 : 45am . He fell asleep in between each episode so he actually got more sleep than my husband and I . In all of our travels this is the first time anyone in our family has been sick to their stomach on a trip . We originally planned to visit Peles Palace and Rasnov Fortress today , but we switched our plans because we wanted to wait to see how our son was feeling . Surprisingly he was just a little tired and was able to eat . We still thought we should stick closer to town just in case so we decided to visit Prejmer Fortified Church and Harman Fortified Church . They are just a little north of town . We went to Prejmer first and really enjoyed it . We 've been to many churches and castles with walls around them , but we were actually able to go inside the walls and walk between the huge 10 foot thick outer walls and the inside rooms . Harman was also nice , but you couldn 't walk in the walls as much so we liked Prejmer much better . Visiting these two places only took us a few hours , but we wanted to take it easy for my son . We went back to Brasov and went to lunch at La Sueta . My daughter and I had found this place the day before and thought the menu looked good . It is on the main driving street just after the Black Church . They don 't have outside tables , but the inside is nice . After lunch we went to the Black Church which was just ok . The outside is very nice , but the inside was not as impressive . As we were walking around the church they were doing a dig on one side and were in the process of cleaning off a skeleton they had recently found buried outside the church . They hadn 't posted any information on the background but it was interesting to see that first hand . We then stopped back at the hotel for a bit because of the heat . I soon decided to go back out to see if the White and Black Towers were now open because I did not want to sit around at the hotel . Both my kids joined me . The White Tower was20 June - Wednesday - After some family discussion we decided that we did not want to save Bran til our driving day . We decided to completely skip Peles Palace and see Bran Castle and Rasnov Fortress today . Based on reviews I 'm sure many people will think that was a crazy decision , but after visiting many manor houses and castles while living in England we know that we don 't really care much for visiting palaces or castles where you must go on a guided tour at a certain pace . We also don 't particularly enjoy castles or houses where people are currently living or have very recently lived and that mainly show the extensive furniture and decoration . We enjoy older ruins and castles so we think this was the right decision for us . We might have been wrong , but so far none of us regret the decision . We arrived at Bran a bit before 9am and parked . Nobody was there to pay for parking so we asked a nearby policeman and he said just to park and pay the attendant when we returned ( more on this later ) . We then went to Bran Castle which we really enjoyed . We paid the extra for the Torture Museum which was well worth it . We 've been to other torture museums but this one was probably the most extensive . Our kids both enjoyed to room about the Dracula story . We then visited the many souvenir shops and had lunch at a very slow restaurant . When we got back to our car it was about 1pm . The attendant ran over and told us we owed 40 Lei ( even though the posted price was 3 . 50 Lei an hour ) . We told him we hadn 't been there that long . He started talking about the police and we told him to go ahead and call . We said we had talked to the police before parking so we had no problem if they wanted to call . In the end we paid him the 14 Lei for 4 hours and left . Next we headed to Rasnov Fortess on our way back to Brasov . When we parked the photo in the parking lot made it look like the walk up the hill was very long so we paid for the tractor tram ride since it was another hot day . However , the ride wasn 't worth it in my opinion since the path up to the Fortress wasn 't nearly as far as it looked . I think our entire family was disappointed in Rasnov Fortress . I thought that there would be more remaining buildings based on the descriptions I 'd read . Instead it seemed like the only thing there was the view and a bunch of souvenir shops based out of the old buildings . We did not spend much time at Rasnov Fortess at all . We then drove back to Brasov and went back to La Sueta for dinner . 21 June - Thursday - Today we checked out of hotel and drove to Poenari Fortress - the castle of Vlad Tepes . The drive past Bran was quite pretty and my husband commented that if we had stayed in Bran he probably would have been out with his camera more . We arrived around 11am . We had a quick snack and drink before climbing the 1480 steps to the castle . We thought this climb was going to take a while and be tiring but it was actually very easy . All but the last hundred steps or so are in the shade of the forest . The steps are quite small and there are some sections that are just flat so the climb only took about 25 minutes . There was a small souvenir stand at the top where the guy was selling tickets . We were the only people at the top while we were there . We spent about 40 - 45 minutes at the top . The castle isn 't large but we just enjoyed the view and our kids did some vampire hunting while we were there . This was the number one location from the trip for me and both our kids . Our son has been asking to go to Romania for a few years . He has read the book Dracula and has also read the history of Vlad Tepes . He was most excited to visit Poenari Fortress , Bran Castle , and Sighisoara so this was really a highlight of the trip . Plus it was not touristy so it was very quiet . After coming back down the steps we drove a bit around the left side of Lake Vidraru - that was not much of a road and the SUV came in handy . This is the one road we might not have chanced driving in a regular car . The potholes on this dirt road were over a foot deep and the road was just one continual huge dip after another . After driving for a bit down this road and taking photos , we went back to the town of Curtea de Arges ( about 15 miles back ) to get gas and have lunch . We then checked into our hotel called Pension Dracula which was only about 1 km from the base of Poenari Fortress . We had a huge room . There was no A / C but there was a fan and the kids each had their own large queen size bed . After a while we went back out for a dessert dinner at a hotel right near the start of the climb to Poenari Fortress . We then went back to Lake Vidraru for sunset photos since this was the first time my husband had seen an area where he wanted to take photos that we could be at sunset or sunrise . We parked on the left side of the lake and my husband started setting up his tripod and camera . I took some photos and the kids started playing tag . We hadn 't been there 5 minutes when my daughter fell and cut her knee badly on the loose rocks in the road . She scraped up a lot of her shin and knee but one section was torn quite deep and looked like it would need stitches because it was hanging loose . We got in the car and drove back to the restaurant where we 'd had desserts since the waiter spoke very good English to ask where we could go for possible stitches at 7 : 30pm at night . He told us the nearest hospital was back in Curtea de Arges where we 'd had lunch . We drove back to that town and stopped when we saw some policemen to ask for directions to the hospital . The policemen got in their car and had us follow them to the hospital which was helpful since it was not on the main road . Once at the hospital we were seen within about 5 minutes in the emergency room . The doctor spoke enough English to understand the problem and it was fairly plain to see the injury . The doctor cleaned my daughter 's knee thoroughly , then gave her anesthesia in the knee followed by stitches . They bandaged the knee , told her not to bend it and told us we needed to go back to a hospital the next day to have the bandage changed . They also started her on antibiotics and gave her a prescription for more . We then headed back to our hotel , thankful that we 'd already climbed the 1480 steps that morning before the injury ! 22 June - Friday - My daughter did not sleep well that night and I didn 't either because I was worried about her . When she woke up the next morning she was sick to her stomach . I don 't know if she was sick with the same thing my son had earlier in the week or if the injury or antibiotics were causing problems , but she was much sicker than my son had been . Although she was only physically sick twice , she felt very ill . We were supposed to set out driving the Transfagarasan Road today so having a child sick to their stomach was not great timing . She managed to get back to sleep after keeping down some motion sickness medicine so we let her sleep a while . We finally checked out and got on the road around 9 : 30am . We had asked at the desk and knew the Transfagarasan Road was open so we headed on our way . My daughter felt especially bad whenever the sun was hitting her so we hung a shirt in her window to shade her . She also had to sit with her leg out straight on the seat since she couldn 't bend the knee and it kept going numb . Whenever I stopped to take photos , she would get out and stretch the leg a bit even though she wasn 't feeling well . We enjoyed the drive but it would have been much better if everyone was feeling well . After we crossed the Transfagarason Road , we had a quick stop for lunch at a gas station shop . Our daughter wasn 't eating anything and could barely stand outside the car so that is the best we could do . We then drove on smaller roads to Sighisoara . Although listed as secondary roads these roads were smaller than expected , not in good shape , and went through some tiny towns that seemed almost deserted . It was pretty scenery here though . We reached Sighisoara and checked into the Hotel Cavaler . We had two adjoining rooms and we were so happy with this hotel . It was wonderful to have the separate rooms with air conditioning because all my daughter wanted to do was lie lie down with a cold compress on her head . Our first stop after checking in was the hospital to get my daughter 's bandage changed . She hardly made it between the car and the hospital without collapsing so once we got back to the hotel she just went to sleep . My husband stayed with her while my son and I went out to explore the citadel of Sighisoara . Hotel Cavaler was in a great location so close to the citadel but with modern rooms and parking . My son and I walked over to the old town and I took photos of him by the statue of Vlad Tepes and at the birthplace of Vlad Tepes which is now a restaurant . We walked all the way around the walls , taking photos at the towers and just wandering around town . I picked up some take - out pizza for us on the way back to the hotel since my daughter was in no condition to go out to eat and the dining room at the hotel was reserved for the night . My husband then headed out to the old town so he could get some photos . Sighisoara was his favorite town of our trip . That evening while he was out my daughter started feeling a little better so it seemed the worst of her stomach sickness was over . 23 June - Saturday - We had breakfast at the hotel and packed all of our luggage in the car before heading out to explore Sighisoara . Our daughter was feeling much better although she still was not back to normal . Her leg was very painful so my husband carried her up the path into the old town . It was hard for her to walk on the cobblestones and she was still very weak but she did her best . We explored the town , taking lots of rests , and then had an early lunch at the restaurant that is now in the house where Vlad Tepes was born . Both kids absolutely loved this . We took lots of photos . We then looked around the town a bit more and just as we were about to leave we saw a shop with traditionally carved bowls , spoons , crosses , and other items . These were by far the best souvenirs we saw on our trip . They had only recently set up a shop in the basement of one of the buildings . We then stopped for some ice cream before getting in the car and driving to Targu Mures where we were spending our last night . The drive was easy and we found our hotel ( the Hotel Concordia ) with no problems . We had an apartment room which had a huge bedroom and a huge living room with a sofa bed . We called the rental car company and the agent came by to pick up our SUV . After grabbing some dinner we packed our luggage since we had arranged an early morning taxi ride to the airport at 3 : 50am and headed to bed early . Unfortunately there was tremendously loud music playing in the club underneath us which was keeping us all awake even with ear plugs . I finally went down and asked if we could move rooms . They agreed to move us to the next floor up which was fine and much quieter . Unfortunately , the room was very hot . We assumed it would cool down after having the A / C on for a while but it didn 't so I went down to tell them the A / C was not working and it was very hot . The guy at the desk realized that the A / C was shut off for the entire floor . Once he turned it on , the room started to cool down , but it meant we got to sleep much later than originally planned . 24 June - Sunday - we got up early and the taxi was waiting for us as arranged . We checked in with Wizz Air for our flight at 6 : 10am . Since Wizz Air is a budget airline we did not have assigned seats and the flight was quite full . Since our daughter could not bend her leg or even walk very fast , my husband asked if he could carry her on at the same time as those with young children or people needing assistance . They had no problem with that and so he was able to get a seat near the front so she was able to sit with her leg up for the flight . Again , the flight was on time and uneventful . We picked up our car and drove home . @ ESW - If I remember correctly , out of the 5 monasteries we went to , we were only allowed photos inside Arbore Monastery ( with a fee ) . We had to pay a fee at all of them to take photos at all ( even outside ) , however they only seemed to charge a photo fee once for our family even though 3 out of the 4 of us were visibly carrying cameras . @ irishface - I will try to get some photos posted . I 'm working on printing them out now for a scrapbook . I really enjoyed reading your report . Would love to see your photos if you decide to post them . Romania sounds very interesting & different , which is what we are looking for . Do most people speak some English ? Did you see all of the highlights ? Do you wish you had more time ?

Usually when we talk about maternity leave , it 's about what 's lacking about it . Especially in the United States . Well a new maternity leave policy implemented by an Australian company once again has me shaking my head at the dismal state of maternity benefits here . While the response has been overwhelmingly positive , the action is not without its critics . Detractors say that women are being rewarded to take time off to have a baby ( which , if you 've ever had a baby , you know it isn 't time off ! ) . Still , for a woman who is trying to decide whether or not she should return to work , the bonus is a great incentive , one that benefits her co - workers and the company too . Cuddling up with my seven - year old , lights out and flashlight in hand , we readied ourselves to dive into his first - ever detective mystery novel . He was excited about the flashlight . I was excited about passing on the joy of reading books filled with adventure and intrigue . The book I selected to deliver on such high expectations was Encyclopedia Brown . Earlier in the day , my husband and I had picked this book while browsing the shelves at the local B & N . He spotted the Encyclopedia Brown series and recalled liking them as a child . I remembered Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys fondly . I had never heard of this series or character . This being my first exposure to Encyclopedia Brown , I wasn 't sure what to expect . Luckily , it became apparent after the initial well - constructed and neatly wrapped - up chapter that facts are presented , clues are given , and the reader is left to use their own deductive reasoning skills to sort out the mystery . Helpful answers are provided at the end of the chapter to help the novice detective along . Beginning with chapter 2 , my son and I were ready to do some sleuthing of our own . We could solve these mysteries with a bit of research . Who won the battle of Waterloo ? No problem . Then , I glanced over at my son and realized he hadn 't a clue as to how to find the answers . An image of my childhood collection of Encyclopedia Britannica sitting on the top shelf of my closet , quietly awaiting the next social studies report sprung immediately to mind . What to do ? We have no such printed reference materials in our household today . We have the internet . We have … WIKIPEDIA ! The rest of our reading time was spent discussing technology and its impact on information . I explained to my son that today information is stored , shared and updated constantly on the world wide web . It is no longer the static , outdated facts on a printed page that I had as a child . Coincidentally , I recently read an announcement that Encyclopedia Britannica will stop printing books . Turns out that the 2010 , 32 - volume set will be the last of its kind as the company focuses on digital . They are betting that consumers will see the value and pay for vetted , expert information vs . Wikipedia : the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit . So as new technology forces the old to adapt and compete , will Encyclopedia Brown be renamed Wikipedia Brown ? Which will resonate more with my son ? What an unexpected twist to our evening . Thank you , Encyclopedia Brown ! Nearly two years ago , I gave a whole bunch of my baby gear to a friend who was about to give birth . Even though this was her fourth baby , it was a " surprise , " so she didn 't have much in the way of a stroller , high chair and other assorted equipment . I 'm not planning on having any other children and the stuff was taking up room in my attic , so I was happy to pass it on and see someone else get use out of it ( I told her as much ) . The stroller and high chair were two " big ticket " items , the rest of what I gave her included a nursing pillow , a whole bunch of clothing and some toys . Everything was in really good shape . Fast forward to the present . My friend no longer has a baby girl , but a toddler and apparently doesn 't need the gear any longer . A few weeks ago I was surprised to see that she had posted a note on Facebook saying that her fourth was truly her family 's last baby and that she was selling off all of their gear . She included a list of all the items ( with pictures ) , as well as a description and a price . I was horrified to see that a lot of the stuff on her list was what I had given her ! I was really mad that not only had she not asked me if I wanted my stuff back , but that she was selling it and hadn 't asked me if it was OK . I called her and asked her if she was planning on giving me a cut of the money she made off of my baby gear , and she point blank said , no , that I had given her everything not " loaned " it to her and she was well within her rights to sell it . Now we aren 't speaking . What do I do ? Honestly , if she had just told me her plans in advance , I probably wouldn 't have been mad , although I still would have wanted her to give me a portion of what she was selling it for . Also , there were some outfits that I wouldn 't have minded holding on to ( for sentimental reasons ) and now they are gone . Amanda : I keep going back and forth on my answer . On the one hand , if you had given your friend a baby gift that was new , you wouldn 't expect it back . On the other hand , I agree that since she was selling the items and profiting off of your generosity , she probably should have run it past you first , if at the very least to find out if there was anything you wanted before it disappeared into another baby 's nursery . ( And this would be true too if she was donating the items or passing them along to someone else . ) So I guess the question is , was your baby gear a gift or a favor ? Clearly , you and your friend have different opinions . Since you 've talked to her and she " disagrees " with you ( part of me wonders if she 's embarrassed by the situation ) , I think I 'd try one more time , maybe in a non - confrontational way . Write her a letter or an e - mail telling her how disappointed you are that she didn 't check with you first to find out if there was anything you wanted back , because there was . If she responds , then maybe you can once again try to discuss her giving you a portion of what she made from the sale of the gear . Suzanne : At this point I would just let it go . Sure you gave her things that maybe you could have used again , but if you didn 't mention that upfront as part of your agreement , then you really couldn 't expect her to comply . When you give something away you just can 't expect to get it back . What if one of her older children accidentally stained the stroller seat with permanent marker - would you have expected a replacement ? Just last year I gave my sister - in - law whatever I had left of my children 's newborn clothes ( being sure to keep a few of the outfits that were special to me ) as well as a portable baby crib . When her twins outgrew everything she called to ask if I wanted it back . While it was very nice of her to ask , I replied that it was now hers to do with what she wished , whether that was pass it along to another mom who could use it , donate it , sell it , trash it , whatever . She never told me what she ended up doing with the stuff and I have no reason to want to know . Because when I handed it over , I considered it her property . Sometimes people watching is the only thing to do . Like in the gymnastics waiting room - my daughter is new to the class and I don 't know any of the other parents yet , but I do know who 's running a marathon and which moms and dads teach in the same school together . Last week , between S . 's turn on rings and her flips on the low bar , I picked up on two conversations that intrigued me . ( OK , so it was more like public eavesdropping than people watching , but it struck me the same way . ) In one room , three moms were comparing sleep away camps . The conversation soon shifted to convincing another mom who was new to the concept that she would be fine with sending her second grader away to camp for the entire summer . I couldn 't see her reaction to gauge whether she bought it or not . " They 're not even watching her . She 's going to fall , " the mom said . ( Just to set the scene : the room is lined in wall - to - wall heavy duty mats equipped to cushion an adult falling off the uneven bars and her preschooler was about a foot off the ground on another foam mat , while two instructors looked over a class of six . ) She spent most of the class saying the same thing over and over again . No offense taken . Because these are the observations I like best . They make me think . About how I make choices as a mom . How I view different approaches to parenting . And if such differences validate my way of doing things or make me feel inadequate . This version of people watching , or parent watching , has made me question how tight the apron strings really need to be . Most people like to keep their kids close , others even closer . But where do I want to fall ? I always fancied myself a supportive and open - minded parent , one who would be happy to help my children find their wings and learn to fly . I can picture myself smiling ( with a single tear on my cheek ) as we pull up to campus on the first day of college . I want to be the mom who could not be more proud that her child becomes self - sufficient and independent . Of course , my two are still young . And I still smother them with worry sometimes . But there are lots of times when I think that maybe there 's a motherly doting gene I 'm missing . I let a lot of things fly , like hats on a cold day . There are times I expected them to toughen up , even as toddlers , and stick out a long day without a nap at home or forgo the favorite sippy cup which hadn 't made it through the dishwasher yet . It doesn 't leave me panicked to let them go on field trips and ride school buses without taking the teacher 's cell phone number . Nine years into the experiment and I haven 't made any fatal mistakes . So that 's a good thing . But I 'm wondering if I should be holding them tighter , worrying more , and not wanting to let go . Thanks to her toddler , Amanda won 't be needing these . © stockxchng / pawel _ 231 I have figured it out . The secret to weight loss . And the best part is , you don 't need to join a gym or invest in some expensive exercise DVDs or starve yourself for weeks at a time . Nope . All unnecessary . All you need to do to lose some weight is to get yourself a toddler and then do exactly what he does . Voilá ! Pounds shred ! ( Hmm . I guess I should be clearer . Don 't do everything your little one does . Ignore certain aspects of common toddler behavior - no nose picking , wall drawing , crayon eating or anything like that . No , what I 'm talking about is trying to emulate and harness all that energy tiny people seem to have . ) For example , take my son . He never walks . Never . Anytime he needs to go anyplace he 'll run . Or trot . Or skip . Or crawl . But he never walks ( unless we are going someplace he doesn 't want to go . Then he 's Tommy the Turtle ) . Imagine all the pounds you could shred if you stopped simply walking and started moving . Really moving . It would be amazing . ( And tiring . ) An optional add - on to this method is to make noises that correspond to the activity that you are doing . For example , if you are crawling , be sure to say " Bark ! Bark ! I 'm a dog ! Bark ! Bark ! " or if you are skipping , yell loud and clear " I ' M AN AIRPLANE ! " Note that these add - ons don 't really contribute to your weight loss , but they certainly help set the mood . Also , anyone in your path is sure to steer clear of you , so no more lines at the supermarket ! So you say , " Fine , I 'll start galloping around the mall and neighing and hopping on one foot while I 'm on line at the post office while singing ' If You 're Happy and You Know It ' . But all that extra activity is going to make me want to eat more , right ? " No ! That 's the beauty of the Toddler Weight Loss Plan ( patent pending ) . According to my research , apparently not ! My son exists solely on apples , plain macaroni and two bites of frozen pancakes each day and his energy levels are still through the roof ! One of the best parts of this new exercise regimen is the clothing . Say goodbye to fancy workout garb and say hello to a superhero cape ! ( Or a princess dress , whichever you prefer ! ) Put them on , insist on wearing them wherever you go and you are good to go ! So that 's it ! The easy - peasy , no fuss ( unless you feel like throwing a temper tantrum , which is totally allowed ) Toddler Weight Loss Plan . I 'm starting it this week . Let me know if it works for you . What are your family 's memories made of ? © Jean Scheijen / stock . xchngThe other night , while I was rearranging the game closet ( because it was about time ) my daughter came up behind me and asked for her special pink book . " The one that 's all about me , " she said . I reached up two shelves and handed over a fuzzy covered photo album that contains about two hundred pictures of her first two weeks of life . Yes , I take a lot of pictures . And my kids love me for it . Actually , I have archived so many pictures that my husband jokes around that when we 're both gone someday , our son and daughter will be sitting in our house , looking at a room full of photo albums and portable hard drives , saying : " What are we supposed to do with all of this ? " Kids grow up so fast . There are so many special moments that I 'm always thinking , I wish I could bottle this up and take it out down the road . The color of my daughter 's hair as I put it into pigtails for the first time . My son as a toddler digging into his favorite vegetable - corn on the cob . The looks on their faces the first time each of them rode a pony . Family gardening days out in the yard . Trips to the beach . Visits with great - grandma . Keeping a baby book ( although most moms feel a slight tinge of guilt when they think about their unfulfilled wishes for their baby book ) . Blogging . I 've gone so far as to print out most of the blogs I 've written about my children , but somehow I don 't see them paging through these as much as they will our photo albums . Scrapbooking , whether digitally or traditionally . Logging highlights on Facebook - which our kids will probably hate us for someday when their potty training progress ( and hang - ups ) is still on full display for their prom date 's reading pleasure . How do your kids feel about math ? While both my kids do very well in math at school , my son will tell you he loves it , while my daughter says that only does she not like it , she 's not good at it to boot . As it turns out , her lack of enthusiasm for the subject could totally be my fault . The research is fascinating , if not troubling . Scientists recorded mothers talking to their children who were between 20 and 27 months old . The moms mentioned numbers twice as much to their sons as their daughters . The number rose to three times as much when the number was attached to a noun - for example , " Here are five raisins . " Alicia Chang , the lead researcher told Miller - McCune , " By grade school , boys are very confident at math , and girls are saying boys are better at math . The issue isn 't actual performance but perception of competence . We hypothesized that by the time you 're in grade school , you might like math because your mother was more likely to talk to you about it when you were very , very young . " All important of course , but it 's also necessary to make time for your partner in all this - your spouse , boyfriend , girlfriend - it doesn 't matter what they are called , but it does matter that you get some alone time together , or at least a few minutes to talk uninterrupted . But how ? Certainly you could hire a babysitter for an evening , but that often comes with extra cost and not everyone has access to a person they trust . Instead , consider ways to make time within the confines of your busy life to find time . Take advantage of the few quiet moments or carve out some time by making your own ( some are better advised than others ) . Even if the kids are with you , it is possible ! Here are our suggestions : Pack the kids in the car and go for a long drive . If your minivan or vehicle is equipped with DVD player , utilize it . If not , let the kids bring books or portable game systems that will keep them occupied . ( Make an exception if you usually frown upon such devices . ) Today , my husband will be attending the wake of a colleague 's father . A solemn occasion honoring and remembering a good man that I have never met ( I was introduced to my husband 's fellow worker once ) . It will be a room filled with this man 's family and friends , all mourning his death and celebrating his life . And what am I doing besides writing out a sympathy card ? " We 'll get dressed up ! " I told him as I plead my case yesterday afternoon while our children zoomed around our house , high on an energy that can only come from a Friday that leads into a week off from school . " We 'll have an hour - long car ride alone together - we can finish our sentences without being interrupted ! Maybe we can grab a bite to eat after ! " I love my children . More than anything else in the world . I never thought my capacity to love and care about someone else ( and that 's three someone elses ) could be so vast and deep . When they are happy , I 'm ecstatic . When they are sad , I 'm inconsolable . I have never laughed as hard as I do when one of my children is doing something silly . They keep me active and awake and engaged . My smile is bigger because of them . They are my light and my life and I 'm a better person for them . But they are loud . Oh , so very loud . And they like to interrupt a lot . And spill things . Also , yell . And I never get to watch my shows . ( Seriously , I 'm like four episodes back on Revenge . ) In any case , I 've come to my senses and restored my sensitive gene . I will not be attending that wake . But I do go to the gym a few times a week . And if you knew me from days of yore , you 'd know that my sudden interest in exercise is less about maintaining a healthy lifestyle and more about something else . ( Hint : no one asks me to put the straw in their juice box while I 'm on the treadmill . ) Still , even while I 'm rolling my eyes and breaking out the earplugs when the herd of oxen I live with comes trampling through the living room , I tell myself that it won 't be like this forever . In fact , it won 't be like this for very long at all . And while quiet sounds like heaven right now , I bet ten years from now it will be deafening . OK , let me have it . I 'm an insensitive clod . But ' fess up . What measures have you gone to to secure a moment for yourself ? In any case , once the photo was posted , the uproar was immediate and loud . Everyone in the blogosphere , from mommiesto celebrity reporters ( to hairdressers ) had opinions , all varied and all speculative . ( Willow hasn 't indicated the reason behind the bold move yet . ) The big question seems to be though , is it appropriate for an 11 - year - old girl to shave her head ? ( Although in my opinion , the question should be is it appropriate for an 11 - year - old to be on Twitter ? ) For me , this is a " choose your battles " situation , both for myself and my child . Hair is not a permanent fixture on our bodies , and if my daughter decided she wanted to shave her head ( ha , not likely ) then I 'd probably sit her down and have a serious discussion about why she wanted to do it . Had she considered the ramifications of her decision ? What will happen when she walks into school that first time ? Certainly you don 't want to tell your kids to chart their lives based on what other people think , but in the pressure - filled world of tweendom , it 's certainly an important consideration . What We 're Talking About Australian Company Offers Return to Work Bonus After Maternity LeaveUsually when we talk about maternity leave , it 's about what 's lacking about it . Especially in the United States . Well a new maternity leave policy implemented by an Australian company once again has me shaking my head at the dismal state of maternity benefits here . . . .

Since being called as the Primary President several months ago , Sundays can be anything but relaxing . The first couple months I would come home from church and just hide in my room for a while until I could put the chaos of Primary behind me and face being the mom again . It was crazy . It never seemed to run smoothly and I was always wiped out by the end . People kept telling me it would get better and I would find a routine of sorts . I have to admit , I didn 't believe them . Then , all of the sudden it seemed , it happened . I came home and wasn 't totally wiped out . I was still smiling after Primary and it wasn 't the " smile so you don 't cry " type of smile . The day went really well . The next week went really well too . I thought I must be getting the hang of it . That 's when I should have known the Lord would have some more lessons for me to learn . Yesterday the teachers all went to the combined meeting the last hour so my counselor and I divided the younger kids into two classes and each taught one while the other counselor and secretary took over sharing time . The stake was oh so kind and came to do our music . I wrestled the entire first hour with a little 3 year - old who needs some one on one support most weeks and then went on to teach about a dozen five and six year olds . Wow ! Can I just say our teachers are amazing ? I have even more respect and awe for them than I did before . It isn 't an easy task keeping a dozen kids engaged in a lesson that gets over all too quickly . Thank goodness for memorizing Articles of Faith and crayons . By the time it was over , I was once again wiped out and smiling but not the , " It went so smoothly and it was an amazing day " kind of smile . We came home and I hid myself in my room with a half a can of Coke and a frozen Twix I had been saving for an emergency . It was definitely an emergency . I sat on my bed savoring the Twix and playing scrabble online when I reached over for the second half of my treasure only to find it already gone . Dang it ! I ate the whole thing and didn 't even realize it was gone . I am thinking I should start putting a king size Twix in the freezer in case of a emergency . Some days may require a four pack . We took advantage of the beautiful spring like weather for Martin Luther King r . Day and took off for Devil 's Kitch n . Three of the boys and I played here last summer during our Adventure Week but Gary and Logan hadn 't been here y t . We loved The boys hiked around the rocks . I say hiked , Gary says climbed . Either way , we were outside enjoying the 50 degree weather and getting a bit of exercise . They found caves and holes and all sorts of things to do . They didn 't want to leave for quite a while . In fact , they still weren 't too happy about leaving even when we told them we would be going shooting next . That is the sign of a good family activity . Everyone is happy and no one wants to move on to the next activity . I am truly blessed that we have boys that enjoy being outside and don 't have to be " plugged in " every minute ! Posted by Thomas turned twelve the end of December . How can my baby boy be so big ? I don 't think I was really prepared for the milestone twelve is in a young man 's life . I was ready for five and getting ready for Kindergarten . I was ready for eight and being baptized . I think I am ready for the magical age of 16 and dating and driving . Even 19 and a mission is something I see on the horizon as being a big deal . For some reason , 12 didn 't enter in as one of those big birthdays . It is a big birthday though . We don 't usually celebrate Tom 's birthday in December . We do a half birthday in June . He was born so close to Christmas that I wanted his birthday to be about him and not about what energy and financial resources we have left over after Christmas . This year was going to be a bit different . We had been talking about taking Tom to the temple on his twelfth birthday for quite some time . I didn 't think of all that would have to go into making that happen . I thought we would just get an interview set up and get him a recommend and then go to the temple . Easy peasy . Thank goodness I have very patient and loving priesthood holders around me to guide me through the process . In order to go to the temple , Tom had to have the priesthood . In order to get the priesthood , he needed an interview with the Bishop and then be presented to the ward . After all that was done , he could be ordained on his birthday . Our Bishopric is amazing . They did his interview early and presented him on Christmas Sunday . Then , they came over bright and early on Tom 's birthday to be present for his ordination . Gary ordained him to the office of a Deacon . Wow . What an amazing thing to have my husband confer that awesome power on my son . He gave him a great blessing and the spirit was so strong . Afterward , Gary said he knew his Dad was there with us . I don 't doubt it . His first grandson was entering a new and important phase of his life . Shortly after we headed to the Mount Timpanogos Temple to do baptisms . There were a ton of kids waiting . The line was so long that , even though we had our own names , we could only do five a piece . We waited almost an hour at the font before it was our turn and I got to see Gary lead Tom into the font and be baptized for those who have gone on before . AMAZING ! Tom loved every minute of it . He has asked several times since when we can go back . He wants to do baptisms in all the temples he can he said . We are going up again in a couple of weeks and taking Tom 's cousin , Connor , with us . I hope the experience will be one that helps to strengthen Tom in the trying times ahead . The teenage years are never easy and it seems as if they are getting even more difficult . He is such an amazing young man that has so much compassion , a great sense of humor , and a work ethic that I don 't see very often these days . I am so proud to call him my son ! Any idea what we did for Adventure Week day three ? There is a petting zoo at a gas station in Scipio . We 've been to the gas station several times because there is also a Dairy Queen there that has an amazing BLT . It 's not every day you can get your car gassed up , eat a quick snack and play with an eclectic mix of animals . I was a bit worried that this would be the most boring day ever for Tommy Boy but he really enjoyed it I think . I told him on the way that this adventure may be geared more toward Ethan and Dylan since he was heading out with the scouts tonight on an overnighter . At first I thought he was just being a good sport but he really didn 't want to leave when it was time . The kid never ceases to amaze me . Dylan on the other hand was not as thrilled as I had anticipated . I had a hard time getting a picture of him even close to any animals much less touching them . It may have been that they were about the same size and could look him in the eye . After about 20 minutes , he turned to me and said , " Mom , this place is freaking me out . " He was ready to go and after announcing it in such a cute four - year - old way , I couldn 't refuse . Ethan loved , loved , loved it . If only he was a bit taller so he could reach over the fences to pet the ostriches and horses though . He followed Tom around and pet all the animals and had a huge beaming smile the whole time . The donkey was loving Tom . He loved him so much in fact that he wanted to take a bite right out of him . Didn 't phase Tom one bit . I think he 's going to love growing up in the country setting . I 'm just hoping the neighbor 's donkeys , mules , and horses are enough for him . I just don 't see any of them in our future backyard plans . He named the goat on his lap Buddy . It would follow him around and if he sat down , it would climb right on . I didn 't know goats could be lap dogs ! I was always taught that you don 't put your hand in a dark tunnel in some rocks but here they are , all elbow deep . The rocks , and netting shade canopy , were home to lots of bunnies . If anyone found one in a hole , they all had to run over and try to pet them . Poor bunnies . Even Dylan got in on the act for a while . I think I 've learned my lesson about guessing who will enjoy what activity . Here I thought Dyl would love it and he was scared to even get close to most of the animals . I thought Tom would be a bit bored and he enjoyed every minute . Ethan was the only one that responded like I thought . This has turned into a fun tradition for us and I 'm excited for the next few days of adventures before school starts . I 'm really excited for Logan to come home on Sunday and start joining us for some of them too ! I miss that little man ! After yesterday 's excursion , I thought I 'd better plan a bit better for today 's adventure . I knew where we were going to go . I knew how to get there . I bought lunch supplies yesterday . I even remembered the camp chair for me to sit in and do some work while the boys were playing . We headed out right before lunch with a cooler , blanket , and my trusty camp chair and headed south . When we got to the park in Kanosh , we pulled over and the boys asked , " We are going to the park ? " They didn 't sound terribly excited which had me a bit worried . It 's a risk you take when you plan a week of surprise adventures . We piled out of the car anyway . A new playground is always an adventure . This one had the old school metal slide that was tall enough that Dylan climbed up it and then back down the ladder because it was too tall for him . It had the new big toy with slides and ladders and bridges to climb on and explore and chase each other through . There were three horses that the boys were riding the range on . Here they are trying not to get bucked off during their eight second ride . It had the swing set and the spider web to round out the toy selection . There were huge trees sharing their shade with our picnic blanket , my chair , and most of the toys . It was awesome . That is until it wasn 't . At first I was just a bit annoyed by the flies . I even moved us to another spot hoping that the fly problem was just a localized issue . Nope . They were down right awful ! The boys played and fought and played and fought and played and fought . Finally , between the flies and the fighting , I had had enough and called it a day . It was still a pretty good adventure day . We went somewhere we had never been before and did something we don 't do every day . They had a great time playing on all the toys when they weren 't fighting and I had a great time outside with my kids . They even took some photos of each other up in one of the trees . Here it is already ; the week before school . Where did summer go ? We started our Adventure Week yesterday with a true adventure . Logan is staying with Grandma Bishop this week and Gary is in Salt Lake at training so it was just Tom , Ethan , Dylan and me for our first day . I thought it would be fun to wander over to Delta and go bowling . We hopped in the car and made the obligatory Maverik run . Maverik has become one of my top reasons I love living here . Can you say fountain Coke ? Oh how I 've missed you . Since I remembered we needed to start Adventure Week a bit late and we needed to get home in time for Tom 's football practice , I decided to do the gas station lunch - hot dogs , chips , Slurpees for the kids . They were in heaven . We were a side show trying to get it all to the register after loading up our dogs , picking our chips , and balancing the Slurpee but we made it . Once in the car and headed through Fillmore , I realized I had never actually driven to Delta . We took a Sunday drive a month ago but Gary took some back roads and I knew I would never be able to find it that way . I called my trusty husband who gave me some great directions . Just get on the freeway and get off in Holden and . . . . . . . I trail off because the rest isn 't really relevant anymore . Driving through Fillmore to get to the freeway , I spot a sign . Flowell and Delta this way . Well , that may not be Holden but it surely will get me to Delta . The sign says so . Boy will Gary be proud of me that I found it all on my own . I turn off the main road and , smiling pleased with myself , head toward the tiny town of Flowell . I 'm sure there was a sign saying " TURN HERE FOR DELTA AIRONN ! " but I missed it . I must have been distracted looking at the farm land or the homes or the big church or the animals or who knows what . I realized things weren 't right when the road came to a T - intersection and there was no directions to Delta at all . North or south ? That was the only question . Since Holden was north , Delta must also be north so north I turned . Again , I was quite proud of myself . Finding it all on my own like this . The GPS was broken . I couldn 't call Gary again and tell him I didn 't listen to him or know where I was going . Turning around would just take more of our precious time and it was ticking away . I headed north . That is until the road came to yet another T . This time , like last , there was no indication that Delta was even in the same county . No directions to the bowling alley . The only thing that lay before me was a BLM sign pointing to Devil 's Kitchen and Clear Lake . The lake was only about 15 miles away and the road was paved and nice and , who knows , Devil 's Kitchen may be okay too . The adventure just changed . Now the boys and I were on a real adventure where nobody in the car knew where we were going or what would happen . About half a mile up the road , the pavement ended . We carried on for quite some time until we saw a sign for Devil 's Kitchen two miles up an off shoot to the road we were on . Off we went . I wasn 't sure we 'd ever be able to find our way back to the main road with all the forks in the road we were on but we kept going . Finally we found what I think must be Devil 's Kitchen . A fenced off area that had an opening for hikers bur no cars and huge black boulders . Tom had been itching to climb on some and E and Dyl were game so we parked the car and began hiking and climbing . It was a blast ! It may not be the easiest to see but the boys are at the top of the rocks . Tom was so great to make sure Dylan was safe the whole time . I couldn 't have done it without my young man ! Right after we took this shot , we found all this rock art next to them . It was cool to see what was all over the rocks . I 'm excited to learn the history behind it . Ethan was quite the trooper . He is addicted to flip flops this summer and I forgot to check his footwear before we left so he did all the hiking and climbing in his favorite pair . His easy going spirit really helped him scale those boulders . I 'm still not sure how he kept his flip flops on ! I really started to realize how much Tom is turning into a young man . He has his first scout camp out this week and I have been nervous about him going without Gary but watching him climb and help his brothers and me out on this adventure showed me just how ready he is . I am so proud of the man he is becoming and I hope he always keeps that compassionate spirit about him . He loved climbing around and would have stayed all day but didn 't complain at all when it was time to go . From there we headed home after a quick phone call to Gary 's office to find out where we were and if we should continue on the road or turn around . We made sure to stop in at both the BLM and Forest Service for maps of the area . Next time we want to enjoy our adventure AND know where we are . What a great start to our Adventure Week though ! The last month and a half have been more than a little bit crazy . We finally closed on our house , spent a few nights on an air mattress until our stuff could be delivered , and have been living in a city of boxes ever since . Most of the boxes have been unpacked and our list of things we need to make things organized is continuing to grow . We are loving , loving , loving all the room we have . Sure , the basement doesn 't have any furniture really unless you count the gun safe and treadmill and the rest of the boxes , but the boys can spread out and be in more than two rooms . The town is great . Everyone is so incredibly friendly and welcoming . I don 't know if it 's like that for anyone or just because we 've spent countless hours weeding , mowing , watering , and cleaning . It 's finally starting to look like we live here . The boys have already made great friends and seem to be genuinely happy we are here . Tom 's already participated in a two - day football camp that helped him get a bit more out of his shell and meet other sixth graders before he starts school . He gets to play tackle football this year and practices start next week . It was a bit crazy for me to take him to sign ups and leave with pads and helmet and practice uniform . How can he be old enough for this ? The first week at church we were walking home and Dylan asked when we got to go back . He didn 't think 3 hours was quite long enough . All three boys have really loved their Primary classes and Tom and Logan have great scout leaders and they each meet with about four or five boys which seems about perfect . I am the stay at home mom to four boys ages 11 , 9 , 6 , and 4 . I spend the days watching the boys discover the joys of being kids in small town USA . Riding bikes , playing in the sprinkler , sliding down the tallest slide in the park , playing football , baseball , wrestling , and soccer and generally just being boys .

I ran a marathon . It was the first and only such endeavor of my life and momentarily I will impart , in glorious detail , the day 's soaring highs and near - death lows . But first , a word to my sponsors , meaning those of you who forked over the cash to help people with AIDS and HIV , and so I could get the training I needed to do this thing . Thank you . If you 're a faithful follower of Run On , you know that my marathon journey began with a diminutive brochure packed with big promises . Run a marathon even if you 've never run before ! , it said , and raise money for people with AIDS and HIV while you 're at it . I did , and I did . In fact I outdid . I ran longer and faster than I ever have in my life and I raised plenty more than I was asked to . Plus I blogged about it , providing a fleeting weekly diversion for lots of people who may have never run an inch in their lives ( not unlike myself , before September ) but who read blogs because you can do that without moving . Which brings me back to the sponsor part . Because if you didn 't sponsor me , guess what ? You can still help people with AIDS and HIV . Lucky , lucky you . AIDS Project Los Angeles , the beneficiary of my marathon run , is a key source of care and services for thousands of Los Angeles residents living with AIDS and HIV , many of whom subsist on $ 10 , 000 a year . Imagine what your life would be like living on $ 833 . 33 a month . Now imagine what it would be like to live on that and have AIDS . And now our governor , in his infinite wisdom , is planning to eliminate funding for medication for 35 , 000 indigent Californians with AIDS and HIV . Yes , we 're in a budget crisis , but really ? Really ? APLA does great work . They 're helping folks who are being hit hardest by our current economic meltdown . They might even send a contingent up to Sacramento to talk some sense into the governor . If they could afford it . But their funding is shrinking like everyone else 's . That 's where you come in . Think of the diversion from real - life concerns this blog has provided you , the vicarious armchair thrill lo these many months . How much is that worth to you ? A hundred bucks ? Fifty ? Click here and give it directly to APLA . Do it now . I 'll wait for you . Go on . You 'll be glad you did . [ Pause . ] Running . On my own two feet . Just like coach promised . And I feel very , very , very good . And I really need a shower . More later . Monday , May 25 2009 Link RSS feed With the long - awaited marathon just three days away I could spend this final pre - event blog in numerous ways . I could continue my weeks - long whining about my punk knee , for which I got a cortisone shot this morning from a fine orthopedist named David B . Golden , whose very name rings with promise , and whose impressive credentials include a stint as assistant team physician for the 2001 World Champion New England Patriots . Dr . Golden is an expert in sports - related injuries , and while he didn 't write the book on knee pain he did co - write a chapter - in the second edition of the Manual of Pain Management ( chapter 17 , between scroiliitis and foot pain ) . He was reluctant to give me the shot . He warned me that it probably won 't be all that effective in staving off the debilitating pain in my illiotibial band that has been causing me so much woe . But I explained that this is a one - time deal , that I 've been training since September , for fool 's sake , and that I can 't throw all that away because of some dang - blasted last - minute knee flare - up . He relented and administered the five minute procedure ( a simple prick of a needle - - less painful than getting your ears pierced ) and I have the Band - Aid on my right knee to prove it . Whether it will do the trick or not , I don 't know . But I 'm not going to spend this last pre - marathon blog posting going on about that . I could go on about last - minute jitters , which one reader calls PMS - - pre - marathon stress . Symptoms include sleeplessness , over sleeping , loss of appetite , overeating , and a vague sense of dread . But why dwell on the negative ? I could wax poetic about my final pre - marathon run , on the trail around the Silver Lake Reservoir . I was up and out by 5 : 30 a . m . - my LA Times hadn 't even arrived ( or maybe , I worried , they 've gone so broke they 've discontinued home delivery ? ) - - and the air smelled strangely , delightfully , of citronella and graham crackers . The morning was cool and overcast , my legs and lungs were cooperating and I had the trail all to myself . Runner 's nirvana . I 've been feeling a sense of calm all week - a type of calm that has come over me only three times in my life , once before I was married and then again in the days before the births of my two children . It 's a calm you have to talk yourself into after talking yourself down from a heightened sense of anxiety and fear . The choice is either to stay fearful and anxious or to remind yourself that you 're heading toward something absolutely marvelous and completely of your own choosing and embrace a detached bliss . But why go on about me ? None of this would have been remotely possible without the superlative guidance of one Coach Scott Boliver , who made the 80 - mile round - trip trek from his home in Brea to the training site in Griffith Park every Saturday morning from October to nearly June . Scott is a prison psychologist who seems to spend every non - working moment of his life training marathoner wannna - bes . Our start time was 8 a . m . , but Scott would routinely arrive two hours early to stake out our route , setting up mile markers for us along the way to help keep us from getting lost . He 'd try to vary the route as much as possible and he 'd hand out both maps and written directions . On the week of the pre - marathon 26 - mile run , he got to the park so early that police took him for a hustler and bore down on him with bright lights and amplified commands . As the runs got longer , he organized games like the Amazing Race and Runner 's Poker to keep the runners engaged . Sometimes runners would groan about the games or choose not to participate , but they 'd come around when they saw Scott ( who paid out of his own pocket ) taking the winning groups out to breakfast or bringing them special treats like popsicles and ice ( which , like all cold things , are highly coveted on long runs ) . He kept our brains occupied while pushing our bodies to do what we thought they could not . He once sent us up a very steep hill without any advance warning , but he heaped on the praise after we 'd accomplished the task . Each week he brought his posse with him . That included son Alec , a competitive swimmer on his high school team who refilled the runner 's water bottles on the course , and his mom and dad , Pat and Ray Boliver , who every week spent their own money to stock a snack table halfway through the run loaded with pickles , peanut butter - coated crackers , peanuts , pretzels , Gatorade and the occasional home - made banana bread . On Easter weekend they brought coconut macaroons and mini brownie cupcakes topped with Jordan almonds . Coach Scott exudes empathy . When runners would ask him about every little pinch and blister he 'd take it all as seriously as the questioner required . He never talked about his own aches and woes . When the wildfires last fall came within a few feet of his home , he didn 't mention it to the group and didn 't miss a training . The training for the LA marathon was supposed to end in March ( and then February ) . According to that schedule , Scott and the other APLA coaches would have had a month or two off before they started training a new group of runners for the Disney Half Marathon this summer and the Maui Marathon in the fall . When the LA Marathon got put off until Memorial Day , Coach Scott stayed on as our trainer , even though it meant he would be training three separate groups of runners for three separate marathons at once - - hundreds of whining , high - injury non - athletes jusWeek 33 : Nine days and countingSara Catania Bio & Archive Email 1 For nearly all of what has turned out to be an eight - month training gestation , the marathon has seemed a remote happening . An abstraction somewhere in the ever - distant future . For weeks , if not months , I 've been wishing for the whole thing to get here already . As Coach Scott put it last Saturday : " You 're trained longer than any group in AIDS Marathon history . " The fear that worked so well for so long in motivating me to get out of bed every weekday morning at 5 : 30 to squeeze in a quick run ( " If I don 't get out of bed and get running , I 'll never be able to run the marathon " ) has been overcome by a debilitating , fatalistic malaise . " If I 'm meant to run the marathon , I will run it , " I tell myself as I turn off the alarm and pull the covers up to my chin . So my regular running routine is , um , a little off . This circumstance has been brought on in no small part by the knee ailment I 've been battling for the past few weeks , a common - - albeit uncommonly painful - - condition caused by swelling of the illiotibial or IT band . Last Saturday I ran ten miles with my pace group . I was running and chatting and feeling fine when the pain hit somewhere around mile nine . The last mile left me wondering how I am ever going to drag myself through the full 26 . 2 . To combat the ( literally ) crippling pain , I 've been dutifully undertaking the stretches and exercises recommended to me by my orthopedist , which are pretty much the same old boring stretches you do in P . E . ( Arms against the wall , feet flat , lean . Cross legs , bend at waist , hold . One leg back , one leg forward , lean . Yawn . Repeat . ) Just for fun , I 've thrown in the stretches recommended by my co - runner ( and co - IT band pain suffer ) , Rachel . Her physical therapist recommended that she position herself lengthwise atop a foam cylinder ( like a hair roller on steroids ) and move across the pained area multiple times daily . Which I have , and which results in unnerving crunching sounds emanating from somewhere deep within the knee - thigh - hip region accompanied by evermore pain . But pain is weakness leaving the body , at least according to the Marines . If that 's so , then weakness sounds like potato chips . And which , look here , really are potato chips ! Of which I 've been eating more than I should as a palliative for what ails me , and which seem to have fallen under the roller . My chip consumption would horrify any serious runner ( Ack ! The saturated fat ! ) and will certainly only exacerbate my sluggish pace . My co - runner Dwayne thinks all this roller / stretching stuff is nonsense and I should just get a cortisone shot and be done with it . " Get the shot and get back out there , " he whispered as I limped toward the finish line . " That 's what the pros do . " While in the lead he strayed from the designated course , was forced to retrace his steps , and still managed to win . For at least the past decade and possibly longer , Silva 's name has graced the pace group to which I was assigned last fall . As the name " pace group " suggests , one is technically assigned based on one 's running pace . The truth is not nearly as flattering to us . " The organization just thought it was time to honor some of the more recent runners , " Coach Scott explained . Oh . You mean it 's not because of our extra months of training ? It 's not about our remarkable development as runners , and as a pace group ? " Nope . " I 'll stick with my modified reality . Whatever the reason , our group is the last of the German Silvas , which means we have a legacy to uphold , or create . There 's no way I 'll have the chance to get lost during the marathon by running so far ahead of everyone else , but it 's not outside the realm of possibility that , with my bum knee , I may be so far behind the other 25 , 000 - odd runners that I 'll stray from the designated route . ( Note to self : bring a map . ) Speaking of my bum knee , when I described my injury ( searing pain that appeared around mile ten , originated on the outside of my right knee and traveled up to my hip , becoming progressively worse until it caused my knee to buckle ) , everyone I spoke to identified it as an inflamed illiotibial , or IT band . It 's one of the most common running injuries and there are numerous websites with suggestions for stretches and strengthening exercises to combat it . But , just to be on the safe side , I went to see an orthopedist . The first thing I noticed in the doctor 's office is that everyone who worked there looked like an athlete . I guess it makes sense that if you 're active in sports you might get interested in sports medicine . A nurse who looked like a basketball player took me to see an X - Ray technician ( football ) who took me to see a doctor ( golf ) . When he saw my X - Ray he got very excited . " Take a look at this , " he said to the internist at his side ( swimming ) . He walked over to the examining table , picked up my leg as if it were a treasured nine iron . " Feel this , " he said to the intern as he handed her my bent knee . " The fibblabla and the tibblabla are mortocorturalbla and extendo malto bla bla bla , " he said . That 's not really what he said , but I hadn 't thought to bring my notebook and that 's what I remember . " What does that mean ? " I asked . Wow . The doctor assured me that running 26 . 2 miles in the excruciating pain caused by the inflammation of my IT band would do no permanent damage . " So when my knee buckles that doesn 't mean there 's something terribly wrong ? " I asked . Oh , is that all ? " There is one thing to keep in mind , " he said . " That buckling might cause you to fall down , and then you really could injure yourself . " Lovely . But now that I have the Silva legacy to uphold I 'm going to have to stick it out , collapsing knee and all . Even if I wind up not only the last of the German Silvas , but the last of the LA marathoners . No sooner had I turned off my laptop and laced up my track shoes but the running gods turned the full force of their considerable wrath upon me . As you might recall , I was heading off for a 26 - mile run last Saturday morning . But at mile ten , a mighty , searing pain did strike my right knee and all but smote me as I jogged with my running crew down Burbank 's shady lanes . Here I 'd been thinking I was immune to injury . I 'd followed all the rules , getting ( almost enough ) sleep , eating ( sort of ) right , sticking to the prescribed running schedule . I was a textbook example of the hubris of the uninjured : injury wasn 't possible . To be fair , I 'd suffered a similar debilitating ache during the 23 - mile run . Not knowing any better , I continued , mile upon mile , barley limping across the finish line . But within hours after the run , the awful , raw feeling of a knee made of grated skin and bone disappeared and I experienced complete pain amnesia , not unlike what one encounters after childbirth ( as the mother of two children , I know if what I speak ) . So when the pain revisited me on Saturday I was taken completely by surprise . Once it settled in , however , the memory of the 23 - mile run came back to me with alarming clarity and force . I knew I would not drag myself through miles of pain again . And so I did something I have never once done during this entire epic six - month training . I stopped . Before setting off without me , my running crew hugged me goodbye . " Don 't feel bad , " they told me . " Take care of yourself . " Off they ran , feet in motion , while I stood there , feeling strange to be standing still . To console myself I imagined how annoying it must have been to all the other runners that I never tripped or ached or quit . Finally I was getting my comeuppance . Serves me right , I thought , as I sat in the shade at a water stop , waiting for Linda Francisco , the fundraising coach , to haul me back to the start line . You gripe , you pay . I thought back on what I wrote last week and realized I hadn 't quit on running . Running had quit on me . It was like deciding to dump someone , only to have them beat you to the breakup . Linda was happily photographing volunteers who had set up special themed water stops in celebration of this 26 - mile lunacy . At one stop , moms in sombreros served shots of Gatorade . At another , with a car wash theme , several young ladies in cutoffs lounged around an authentically massive 70 's - era boom box . Back at the start line , still more volunteers were setting up the finish line , complete with a red carpet and balloon arc . Linda encouraged me to stick around and collect my medallion , but it seemed silly to take credit for a 26 - mile run whWeek 30 : The thrill is goneSara Catania Bio & Archive Email N I 'm sick of running . Sick of thinking about running , talking about running , writing about running . I 'm sick of Saturdays sunk into mile upon mile of concrete and searing knee pain followed by headaches and fatigue . I 'm sick of being an enthusiast and a booster and a jock . I want my lazy , lethargic self - absorbed life back . I want to drink beer on Friday nights and sleep in on Saturdays . A girl can only suck in her gut for so long . In a little more than 12 hours I 'm supposed to be setting off on my longest run yet - - a 26 . 2 - mile pre - marathon marathon . It makes sense , training - wise . For non - athletic , completely non - elite runners like me , running a full - on marathon - length run before the actual marathon helps build confidence and condition the body for the real marathon . Today I went to my local running store and geared up for the big run . I bought some body glide to prevent chafing , some gooey goo to down for energy every hour or so and a " fuel belt " to transport the goo for the long haul . I thought that being in the running store , with its walls covered in shirts and medals from runs conquered , would shake me out of my anti - run blahs . I even ran into another marathoner who was cheerfully chatting with the sales girl about various optimal clothing options . " Getting ready for tomorrow , " she asked me giddily " We 're so slow we need a lot of fuel , " she said , grabbing twenty or so packs of goo . We are slow , aren 't we ? I thought to myself as I realized that tomorrow I am going to be running for six , maybe seven hours . Why hadn 't I thought this through from the start ? I have a month to go until the actual marathon and it would be ridiculous to quit now , but somehow it also seems ridiculous to continue with this seemingly endless training when there are so many other things that need to be done , that I could be doing during those six hours . I could be playing Legos with my son , or taking my daughter to the mall to buy earrings for her friend 's birthday . Or organizing my desk . Or working in the garden . Or working on my book . Or having an actual conversation with my husband that isn 't rushed by work or bed time or chores . Isn 't that what weekends are for ? Why am I spending all this time running around in the streets of greater Los Angeles ? I 've already run 23 miles . Isn 't that close enough ? If we 'd thought a bit about the end of it The two - month delay in the date of the marathon hasn 't helped . I started training in late September , and I 've kept my momentum up fairly well . It 's only been in the past couple of weeks that I 've begun to feel enough already . If the marathon had happened in early March , as it has most years in the past , I 'd already have slung my medallion over my bulletin board and moved on . A sweet October - to - March dalliance with the world of organized sports , or as close to it as I 'll ever get . Instead I 'm feeling the weight of a million obligations as I set aside yet another Saturday for , um , running . My husband , who treated me like an Olympic hero for the first few months of my training and wanted to know the mileage I 'd traversed on each long run , is now mainly interested in knowing what time I 'll be home . So good - bye , dear , good - bye and amen Before I started training for the marathon last fall my life was full . I have two young kids . I teach journalism to college students . I 'm writing a book . I blog . I freelance . I also do all the shopping and most of the cooking . So when in the world am I supposed to run ? I 've talked to runners who extol the virtues of running at odd hours . They dash out for a run during lunch , or right after work , or between dinner and bed time . But whenever I try to do that the run winds up getting squeezed out of my life by the need to do an interview or grade papers or meet a deadline or run to the market or pick up the kids . Before I know it two or three days have gone by and no running has happened . The only way for me to get my daily run is to steal it from sleep , before dawn , when no one wants or needs anything from me . I 'm up at 5 : 30 a . m . and on the track around the reservoir in Silver Lake by 5 : 45 - 6 at the latest . It 's quiet , the perfect time to meditate and work through story ideas and thorny book concepts , before the confining tightness of the day emerges . I 've seen raccoons and egrets and heard woodpeckers . I 've seen the entire basin socked in by fog , invisible just a few feet away . I 've seen pinks and yellows in the sky , which hangs low and heavy before the sun pushes everything away . That 's the idealized version and it is a true account of my experience nearly all of the time . The other version , which comes upon me as suddenly as a stranger approaching in the dark , is one in which a stranger approaches in the dark , sending my heart racing and leaving me wondering about this foolhardy notion of running alone in the dark in Los Angeles . So far , for me , strangers approaching in the dark are only on the way to their cars , or heading down the path , like me . But each time it happens I wonder . What in the world makes me think this is safe ? In my normal , non - running life I would never think of setting out on foot , alone , in the middle of the city , in the dark . I 've somehow persuaded my brain that by donning running shoes and an AIDS Marathon cap I 've created a protective bubble around myself , impermeable by unsavory types on the prowl . It reminds me of the notion people get when they step into one of those crosswalks that don 't have an accompanying traffic signal . A crosswalk is just a few lines painted on the asphalt , and yet pedestrians believe that those lines will protect them from the massive blocks of metal hurtling toward them . Sometimes people who walk in those crosswalks are hit by cars . And sometimes women who run alone in the dark are attacked . A Daily News story by Sue Doyle earlier this month described the ordeal of Emily McDivitt , a 33 - year - old computer analyst who was out for a pre - dawn jog in the Valley when a stranger approached her in the dark , wrestled her to the ground and covered her mouth . McDivitt recounted the attack for the Daily News : " He clasped my mouth shut to the point of where I couldn 't breathe . He had my nose , " she said . " I thought I was going to die . " Then she threw a curveball . . . McDivitt began talking to her attacker , asking what his name was several times . The man never responded to McDivitt 's questions . She was unsure if he understood English . He continued to grope her . And that 's when she punched him across his face and grabbed his groin . After he walked away , McDivitt scrambled to her feet and dashed home . She flung open her front door , screamed out for her husband David , 40 , a retired Marine , and collapsed in the doorway from the draining surge of adrenaline . They called the police . It turns out McDivitt had some martial arts training , which helped her fend off her attacker . She escaped with nothing more serious than a bruised hip . Still , she told the reporter , she felt lucky . How often have I had that same thought ? If I 'm running already , how do I run away ? So I continue worrying , and continue running . Friday , April 17 2009 Link RSS feed However , they aren 't doing a thing for me . I 'm not one of those dedicated souls who run the marathon year after year . This is it for me . This is my year . I won 't be doing this again . I think running a marathon is insane . This belief , which was fairly fuzzy when I embarked on this adventure , became far more concrete on the day I completed my first 20 - mile run . That was the day that my running bra and my skin melded together in the heat into a new substance that was neither animal nor vegetable . I know the city 's religious leaders probably aren 't happy about the bid to move the marathon back to a Sunday in March , but I hope they will turn the other cheek and pray for cool weather on Memorial Day . I think that 's what Jesus would do . Saturday , April 11 2009 Link RSS feed Shortly after Gaby Vergara turned 18 , she went to her mother with some weighty news . Gaby grew up in Watts and she 'd seen more than a few of her girlfriends get pregnant or fall prey to drug addiction . Her mother waited anxiously for the youngest of her six children to continue . " Mom , " Gaby told her solemnly , " I want to join the AIDS Walk . " Gaby 's mom was delighted - - and more than a little relieved . " She was like , ' Whew , ' " Gaby recalled . Nine years and as many AIDS walks later , Gaby is more committed than ever to fighting the spread of HIV and AIDS . She 's run one marathon benefiting AIDS services and is now training for her second , which is where I met her last October when we were assigned to the same pace group to train for the LA Marathon on May 25 . In the months since I 've been training with the AIDS Marathon program to raise money for AIDS Project Los Angeles I 've been struck by the socioeconomic distance between those who run to raise money to help people with AIDS and those who are helped . Talking with Gaby reminded me of that distance . In recent years the spread of AIDS has been relegated largely to poor communities of color . While there 's a fair amount of ethnic diversity among the people training alongside me , most of us are either solidly middle class or members of the " privileged poor " - highly educated with limited financial means at least in part by choice ( given access to college and grad school I chose to pursue journalism rather than some more lucrative profession , which would have been just about anything else ) . Most of us have never been to Watts , let alone lived there . Gaby has never been on an airplane and works as the office manager at a company that sells corporate promotional products like pens and visors . She stopped her education after graduating from high school , though she 's beginning to think about getting a college degree so she can become a counselor or social worker . Appearance - wise , Gaby fits in easily with the rest of the Saturday morning crew - - - tall and fit , with her long , dark hair pulled back in a braid for the run . But her sunglasses give her away - - " Watts " is inscribed in glittery gothic script across the arm . " My aunt gave me these , " she said . " She told me , never be ashamed of where you 're from . Be proud , and I am . " I knew someone close to Gaby had died of AIDS , but I didn 't realize how deeply she identified with the cause until last month , when she showed up with an AIDS ribbon tattooed on the inside of her right forearm and her runner numbers - for the past marathon and the one coming up in May - permanently stenciled on her right wrist . " I mainly did this for myself because I want to show what I feel , " she said . " But also it 's because when I 'm out there trying to raise money , some people still look at me like this punk kid from Watts , like ' Sure , I know you 're just gonna use this to pay rent . ' View me as you want , but this is what I 'm doing . I 'm serious . " Fundraising is a serious issue . For the AIDS Walks , participants raise what they can - sometimes as little as a hundred dollars . Gaby usually manages to pull in $ 1 , 000 or so . But the marathon requirement is higher . Each participant must raise a minimum of $ 1 , 600 or pay it themselves . Today is the cutoff date to reach the minimum requirement . Gaby has tapped all her usual contributors and has come up $ 600 short . Today she 's transferring that sum to the AIDS Marathon program out of her savings to make up the difference . " It 's going to tough , " she said . " But we 'll get through it . " If she can manage to raise it through pledges in the coming weeks , the program will return her savings to her . Gaby is particularly pleased that APLA funds the Watts Health Foundation and a clinic at her alma mater , David Starr Jordan High School . " So many people rely on those services , " she said . " I can see the benefit of it . " " It might take a while , " she said . We both laughed because we knew that in the context of a 23 - mile run - which is what we were facing - - the longer the story the better . Miles fall away and before you know it you 're standing at Pat and Ray 's snack table , downing banana bread , popsicles and pickle - topped peanut butter crackers . Gaby first learned about AIDS when she was 7 or 8 years old . She 'd heard the Queen song " We Will Rock You , " and asked her older sister if she would take her to see the band in concert . Her sister told her she couldn 't because Queen didn 't exist any more - - Freddie Mercury had died of AIDS . " I asked her what caused AIDS and she said no one knew , but that if you got it you died , " Gaby said . " That scared me , but then she told me kids didn 't get it . " A couple of years later , Gaby 's family learned that her uncle , Jesús Muro , had AIDS . Some members of the family worried that the illness might be contagious and they wanted Jesús to eat with different plates and utensils . But Gaby 's mother would have none of it . " She told everybody to stop all that , " Gaby said . " She told us to give him all of our love and support , to be positive with him . " And so they did . As Jesús ' health deteriorated , the family moved him to a hospice nearby . Gaby would go and visit him with her mother , using her allowance to buy him chocolate or a card or some special treat . She was not allowed inside , but she would stand on the porch and peer in , staring at the other patients , many of whom were much worse off than her uncle , their bodies contorted and covered with lesions . " I would just stare at them , " Gaby said . " I 'd never seen anything like that . " One morning , the hospice informed Gaby 's family that Jesús had only a couple more weeks to live . The news so upset Gaby 's mother that she packed Jesus and her children into her car and drove eight hours to her sister 's home in the town of San Luis in Sonora , Mexico , where she helped Jesus get settled . " Everybody agreed that we needed to have my uncle with the family , " Gaby said . " He liked it there - he got to eat whatever he wanted and he was comfortable . " Nearly every weekend for the next two years , Gaby 's family would travel to San Luis to visit Jesús . " It was like a big family reunion all the time , " Gaby said . " I got to see people I otherwise wouldn 't see , and we would all be there together , spending time , being a part of each other 's lives . " She does it with the AIDS walks and with the marathons , and by telling the story of her uncle to her 11 nieces and nephews , especially the younger ones , whom she baby sits regularly . On a recent trip to the supermarket , one of her nephews rejected a product with a pink ribbon , telling her they " needed to find stuff with a red ribbon , to fight AIDS . " That 's the end of the tale . I 'm going to Gaby 's pledge page on the AIDS Marathon website to make a donation right now . Won 't you join me ? Grab a credit card and click here . I 'll give Gaby the last word : " You don 't have to be rich to help people . You just have to want to do it . " Friday , April 3 2009 Link RSS feed Chicken Corner publishes several Real Simple Syndication feeds for easy scanning of headlines . If you wish to subscribe to a feed , most popular RSS readers will do it for you . You can also enter the web address from the XML button below . For more help with RSS , try here or here .

By 4pm last Sunday afternoon Nelson Piquet had left the circuit . It was his 34th birthday , and he had nothing to celebrate . Nigel Mansell , too was long gone , and so was Ayrton Senna . Keke Rosberg was not in the best of moods . On Alain Prost 's face was a broad grin . This had been a good one to win . Elsewhere some , like Ferrari and Lola and Arrows , smiled for the first time in a while , for they had got something from the afternoon . At Benetton there was something close to despair , for their cars had dominated qualifying and - while all was well with them - the race . Berger put on a brilliant display at home , led , but finished seventh . The ambience of the Osterreichring makes up for a lot , though . The Styrian mountain skyline and a blue , hazy , day amplifying the grandour of this , grand prix racing 's most majestic stage . No silly first gear chicanes here . If plans for such a circuit were put to FISA now , they would probably be rejected . It is fast sweepers virtually all the way . Of these , none is more impressive than the downhill Boschkurve . At its approach Olivetti set up one of their speed traps , and on Saturday afternoon Derek Warwick 's Brabham - BMW BT55 proceeded through it at 214 . 266mph . Over the start / finish line , following the ultra swift Rindtkurve Teo Fabi 's Benetton - also with Bee - Em horsepower - was fastest , at 194 . 160mph . The monkish Italian , who never seems to smile , came close to expressing pleasure last Saturday afternoon . Just as it seemed that team - mate Gerhard Berger had taken pole , Teo stifled the delirium in the stands , undercutting Gerhard by a couple of tenths . The lap - 1m23 . 549s - represented an average of 159 . 091mph , only a little shy of Rosberg 's unforgettable pole lap at Silverstone last summer . Benetton , by no means sure even to compete next season , had the front row to themselves . The timing - in every sense - could hardly have been finer . All kinds of things conspired against the Benettons , yet in the closing minutes it seemed that all the problems were falling away , Fabi and Berger simply to do the times . This place could have been made for BMW , whose four - cylinder engines have always been raw top end power rather than supple finesse . Rory Byrne 's genius has been to produce a chassis civilised enough to cope with the ' light switch ' power delivery . Fabi , rather in the wings this season , is at his best on really fast circuits , and Berger . . . well , Berger is superb anywhere these days , and obviously nowhere more so than here . No more Lauda now . Last weekend all the pressure was squarely on Gerhard . On Friday he had been fifth fastest , with Teo seventh , but their session , like that of all the Pirelli runners , was curtailed by a major accident to Warwick 's Brabham , from which Derek happily emerged without hurt . Eye witnesses reported that a rear tyre had simply exploded . At the time Warwick was running the latest narrow Pirelli rears , and competitions chief Mario Mezzanotte immediately withdrew them from use . It was not until the closing minutes , however , that the green and white cars came seriously into the picture . No one at that stage had beaten Rosberg 's Friday time , although Berger had stuck in a couple within half a second or so . But at 1 . 48pm the Austrian unleashed a really quick one , putting himself at the top of the list , and there was a gale of applause from the crowd . Within two minutes , however , they were stunned by the news that Fabi had gone a couple of tenths quicker . It was a fantastic lap by the little man . Earlier in the session he had transferred to the T - car because of a misfire in his own . The balance of the spare , he said , was not so good , but the engine was sensational . It was in this car that he set his time - despite the fact that the onboard radio came loose during the lap and fell down into the pedal area ! Just what you need at Zeltweg . . . Three minutes of the session remained as Berger went out for one last hot at the pole . He produced another terrific sub - 24 lap , but the misfire which had hampered him throughout the session was still there . Second was a bit disappointing , but in the circumstances , not too much so . The front row was all Benetton , and it was a delight to see the ' Gang of Five ' pushed aside for once . Fabi , of course , has been on the pole before . At the Nurburgring , 12 months ago , he put the Toleman - Hart there , and made a terrible mess of the start , arriving at the first corner in eighth place . " He remembers that , " smiled Peter , " and he says it won 't happen again . He 's got it sussed . " Keke , as we said , had been fast man on Friday , despite having to use the spare McLaren for most of the morning , his own car suffering from a split intercooler . Consequently he did not get out until the first timed session was three quarters done . No matter . He did a single flying lap , dramatic in the Rosberg tradition , and it was four - tenths quicker than anyone else could manage . McLaren , in fact , were looking very good indeed at the end of the first day . Prost had been comfortably fastest in the morning , and was beaten only by his team - mate in the afternoon . But the world champion was not thrilled with his car 's handling , in particular its behaviour through bumpy corners . " Honestly , I 'm surprised to be second , " he said . " Usually we have no problem in getting a really good set - up for this circuit , but this year it doesn 't feel nice - not like the last two years . We need to do a lot of work tomorrow . " Most of Saturday morning he seemed to spend in the pits , waiting for the springs to be changed yet again , but after the last session reckoned some progress had been made with the balance of the car - " But this time the problem was the engine , which was very down on power . I took the spare , but went out at just the wrong time , right after a lot of oil had been put down . " Fifth was his grid position , but Alain has won from further back on the grid than that . Rosberg , of course , gave it everything in defence of his pole position against the Benettons , but his second run ( the quicker of the two ) was only marginally inside his Friday time , and that meant settling for third . " Basically , I still think everything is looking quite good , " he commented . " The race is a different game , you know . " Next to Rosberg , fourth , was Patrese , and that was a surprise , although perhaps we should have expected the Brabham BT55 to work well here . There are , after all , no slow corners at the Osterreichring to show up the ' laydown ' BMW 's laggardly initial acceleration . At really high speeds , we know , the thing is like a missile , and large sections of the circuit are flat out . Through the speed trap before the Boschkurve , on Saturday afternoon , Warwick ( 214 . 2mph ) and Patrese ( 212 . 9mph ) topped the table . " The track suits us , certainly , " said Gordon Murray , " but there 's more to it that that . There 's a load of new stuff from BMW here , things that we tested at Imola recently , and haven 't used at a race before . There are changes to the turbos , compressors , ignition , engine management system . . . and they 've definitely made quite a difference . " The balance of the cars , too , was good in Austria . " It 's like magic , " Warwick said . " It feels fabulous here . " Despite blowing the engine on his race car on Friday morning , Derek was faster than his team - mate for most of the session , and could hardly wait for the afternoon . Then came the accident . At a point just beyond the end of the pits ( at which the quicker cars are nudging 200 in qualifying ) , the BT55 's left rear tyre blew . Immediately the car flicked sideways . Warwick was able to catch the slide , but then the car was airborne . " There 'd just been a small vibration before the tyre burst , " he related . " After the slide , it got into the air , and all I could think was , ' Christ , I hope it doesn 't roll - or worse than that , go over the barrier ' . Fortunately , it landed on all fours , then hit the barriers a few times , and took all the suspension off . I think the monocoque 's OK , but I was lucky , wasn 't I ? I mean , when you get out of anything going wrong at that speed , it 's luck , right ? " For much of the final session , it was Riccardo , rather than the Benetton twins who looked like hustling Rosberg from his Friday time pole time . The Italian was within a tenth of a second of Keke , but on his second run blew up spectacularly , hurriedly pulling off , the back of the car ablaze . A lot of damage was done before the fire was extinguished , and the Brabham was a sad sight afterwards . Still , it was the best grid position by the team this season , and Patrese was definitely a contender . Williams , amazingly , we found down in sixth and seventh places , Mansell ahead of Piquet . The ' differential business ' at the Hungaroring has , predictably , done nothing to improve the already strained relationship between the drivers , but Nigel is wisely resisting the temptation to fight fire with fire . " When I came here , I understood that I was to work for a team , " he said , " and that hasn 't changed , whatever Piquet might say or do . I 'm not going to spend all my time being secretive . That 's not what a team is for . " A dignified response , and a mature one . The qualifying days were not easy ones for Nigel , but he was allowed a few laps in the spare car on Friday morning after his own had blown up . The engine was changed before the first timed session , and he found the replacement poor in response and down on power . The speed traps reflected that . The balance was not bad , he said , but what he needed was laps . He didn 't get many more on Saturday morning , a broken driveshaft stranding him out on the circuit . " I got on the radio and told them what was wrong . And I got a nice sun tan this morning , watching all the others . . . " You stayed out there then ? Didn 't make your way back to the pits ? " What for ? " came the reply . The T - car was assigned elsewhere . Mansell had been quickest in the session at that point . " I was still so short of laps that we decided to begin the last qualifying session with race rubber and full tanks . I went too quickly , actually , and blistered the tyres , but did a 29 . 9 , which seemed reasonable . And I found a balance problem in the car , which we can cure now , rather than discover it in the warm - up tomorrow . Then we pumped the fuel , slapped on my one set of qualifiers , adjusted the ride height - and just went for it . That was just when Patrese blew up and dumped all his oil . I had to back off for that , and it was still a 24 . 6 . Considering how little running I 've had , I 'm not too unhappy . " By some way the Austrian Grand Prix was Lotus 's worst race in 1985 . Although Ayrton finished second , he was never in true contention . And this year , too , he was thoroughly unhappy during practice . At the start of the first qualifying session the Renault V6 in Senna 's car refused to run properly ( a leak in the pneumatique system which operates the valves ) , and he had no wish to use his race car ( which had a race - spec engine ) . After Dumfries had completed his first qualifying run , therefore , the Scotsman 's car was commandeered . It took Ayrton nine laps to beat Johnny 's time , and even then he was down in ninth place . His unfortunate team - mate was denied the opportunity of a second qualifying run . In his own car again , Senna moved up a single place on Saturday , but was thoroughly dissatisfied with the 98T 's balance and grip . But Dumfries had what he described as " the worst qualifying session I 've been through this year . " On his first run he clipped the barrier at the exit of the Rindtkurve , which meant coming in for a check . " And on my second set , " he said , " I had a huge moment , went off onto the grass and had to stop to have all the grass and stuff taken out . After that fine drive in Hungary , he was highly disappointed with 15th place . Ferrari fortunes were mixed , which is to say that Johansson had all the bad luck on offer . Michele Alboreto had two reasonably straightforward days : We 've got the car handling quite well here , for once . Usually we have bad understeer in Austria , but not this year . In the race we 'll go well . " Stefan , though , had a dreadful time , beginning with a bad accident on Friday morning . Accelerating out of the Hella - Licht chicane , the Ferrari snapped out of control , got on the grass and went up the bank on the right . There it hit an advertisement hoarding , and a pole punched straight through the base of the Ferrari 's monocoque , slamming hard into the seat . It was to cause Johansson a great deal of agony for the rest of the weekend . " I went over a bump , " he explained . " The back wheels came off the ground momentarily while I had the power hard on , and that was why it went . I actually finished up on the bank - in fact , the car started rolling back after I 'd got out . " And the damage to him ? " It 's my bum that hurts , because that 's where the pole hit the seat . I 've damaged a nerve , I think . When I tried to drive the T - car afterwards , it was just agony . I was seeing stars every time I went over a bump - and there are a lot of bumps here . " " Coming into the Rindtkurve the brake pedal suddenly went very ' long ' . I tried to pump , the rears locked and the back snapped around . I hit the barrier , damaged the right rear suspension and the gearbox . " In the afternoon Johansson qualified 14th , but he was looking to the race with some dread . " The pain is just indescribable today - much worse than yesterday . I have to raise myself off the seat as I come up to bad bumps . There 's so much padding under me I 'm nearly out of the cockpit ! I might have a painkilling injection before the race " Row six was all Ligier , and Alliot rather surprised everyone - Arnoux particularly , I suspect - by out - qualifying the team leader . During the first afternoon Philippe had to contend with a sticking throttle , but otherwise had no complaints . Rene was far less happy . In the final session fuel feed problems with the race car put him in the spare JS27 for his second run - and he blew up , dousing the circuit in oil . On top of that , he said , there had been traffic problems on his best run , the balance of the car was very poor , etc . etc . . . he was not at all a gruntled man in Austria . Right behind Arnoux on the grid was his best friend ( ! ) Tambay , who did a heroic job in the underpowered Lola - Ford . " I think I can say I 've wrung absolutely everything out of it today , " Patrick said after the last session . " The balance is really nice . In fact , the car 's quite easy to drive here - all the corners are flat for us ! " Tambay 's car had suffered over heating during the morning , and needed an engine change before the final session . And exactly the same was true of Alan Jones , who set 16th fastest time , a second slower . The Australian found the replacement V6 less strong , and was a fraction slower than on Friday . He , too , was happy with the chassis : " Our main problem seems to be getting up the hills . . . " " It 's a real shame , " Martin said , " because we 've got the car nicely sorted here , and we can 't capitalise on it . " Philippe Streiff had a worse time of it even then Brundle , losing time with a fuel pump failure ( followed by a fuel leak when the engine was put back ) during the first morning , and getting very few laps thereafter as the engineers tried to solve his engine problems . " It 's cutting out completely three times a lap , " he said . " They 've changed nearly everything on the engine . I think we just have an intercooler leak somewhere . " Thierry Boutsen was back in the Arrows A9 in Austria , despite feeling that , for the moment , the old A8 is a better proposition . New in his pit was Gordon Coppuck , brought in to help sort out the new machine , and Thierry reckoned that some progress was made . Certainly , he said , the back end of the car was working appreciably better . Nannini did his usual fine and unflustered job , a second faster than Minardi team - mate de Cesaris . In Austria Andrea began qualifying in the new M186 , saw that Sandro was quicker in the old car and demanded a swap . Whereupon Nannini took the latest car for Saturday - and extended the gap ! " Our biggest problem here , " said Jonathan Palmer of his Zakspeed , " is lack of downforce . I 've got far too much understeer . They 've made a variety of changes to the engine , which are aimed at improving reliability rather than power . And so far they seem to be working . In the last session we used a different turbo , supposed to give more power , and we lengthened the gear ratios accordingly . In fact , we got no more power - just more throttle lag . . . " Palmer qualified 21st , three places up on team - mate Rothengatter , and at the back , inevitably , were the Osellas of Ghinzani and Berg . Qualifying all done , finally thoughts turned to the race . Some local forecasters spoke of possible storms for Sunday , and none of the drivers wanted to even think about that . The Osterreichring is not for the timorous on a summer afternoon , let alone in a downpour . Others said no , it would be fine the following day . Beyond dispute was that tyre choice would be crucial , and it seemed most unlikely that anyone would gamble . The track course here is unusually abrasive : hard tyres - if one were thinking in terms of only a single stop - would be the thing to have . In fact , mused several Goodyear runners , hard Pirellis would be the thing to have . . . Sunday turned out well , the temperature building into the high eighties . But there were odd clouds about , and the weather in Styria is capricious and liable to sudden change . Well , they looked at the sky occasionally , and hoped . Immediately apparent was that , despite Berger 's efforts in qualifying , this was by a long way the smallest Zeltweg crowd since 1976 , when Niki Lauda was struggling for life in a Mannheim hospital , and Ferrari withdrew . The access roads were clear : tents dotted , rather than packed ; head counts in the grandstands were the work of a moment . The causes were manifold . Berger there might be , but Lauda was there only to wield a microphone , and it takes time to become a national hero . In past years Hungarians and Czechs came here for a glimpse of the free world and its pleasures , but now they have their own race a week before , so they stayed home . Ferrari are not true contenders , so the Italian attendance was skimpy . And last , there were the prices : merely to get in on Sunday set you back nearly £ 25 , and a grandstand seat was close to £ 70 . Sitting in there , your Austrian Grand Prix was going to cost you nearly a quid a minute . It was on TV , thousands obviously concluded , so why bother ? After the morning warm - up , there were probably quite a few drivers feeling the same way . Prost had made drastic changes to the set - up of his McLaren since the day before , and after the warm - up decided on a few more for the race . Seventh is not where you expect to find the world champion on race morning . Heading the times was Mansell , relaxed and confident and conclusively quicker than Piquet . It was no surprise to find Berger , Rosberg and Fabi right up there again , but Patrese reminded everyone of the Brabham BT55 's pace here by setting second fastest time . Team - mate Warwick , though , had the gearbox break in his car - and when that happened , the engine over - revved . Charlie Whiting and the boys set to the task of changing yet another BMW four - cylinder . It was to prove a complete waste of their labour . Lunch and the air display done , they came out at 2 o ' clock for the pre - race warm - up laps , then formed up on the grid . And for the Brabham mechanics there was more work to be done . A dog ring had broken in Patrese 's gearbox , and he had neither second nor third . Everything , of course , was pretty hot back there , and it eventually became clear that the car could not start . On the grid it was clear that virtually everyone had gone conservative with tyres . Both Williams drivers chose A - compound Goodyears all round , the rest opting for Bs . The Benettons had Pirelli 's hardest ' 5 ' compound , while Alliot alone gambled with soft rubber on the right side of his Ligier . There was talk of Fabi and Berger being able to go the distance without a stop . . . While Warwick went off to change clothes , the rest prepared themselves for the green light . When it came , Berger got away more clearly than Fabi , and delighted the crowd by leading away up the hill . Similarly , Prost started better than Rosberg , and was in third place at the Hella - Licht chicane . Patrese was very slow away . Zeltweg 's narrow pit straight has often been the scene of startline accidents , but this year we got as far as the first corner before the first incidente , Dumfries snapping off his left front wing after an injudicious attempt to pass Alboreto . By the time he reached the pits at the end of lap one , the right fin was gone , too . He rejoined at the tail of the field . At the front of it Berger and Fabi were looking very confident , quickly pulling out a lead over the rest . Prost followed in third place , and then came Mansell , Piquet , Rosberg , Senna , Arnoux , Alliot and Alboreto . Patrese 's Brabham had completed lap one in 11th spot , but on the second his engine blew up massively , and he trailed back to the pits . Having seen the speedy demise of his car , Warwick will perhaps have felt a little better about not starting . The weekend marked a new low in Brabham fortunes . By lap five Berger was beginning to go away from Fabi , but we were not to know the reason for this until later . His BMW engine had been ' buzzed ' , but for the moment neither Benetton looked under any threat . Prost and Mansell continued to run together , pulling well clear of Piquet , who was fending off an increasingly frustrated Rosberg , Senna , in sixth place was being caught by Arnoux , and at the end of lap seven the Lotus was into the pits , its left front tyre blistered . Gone , too , by now were Palmer 's Zakspeed , which pulled off smokily at the Hella - Licht chicane , and both Tyrrells . Brundle had been running in 12th place , pushed strongly by Nannini 's fine - driven Minardi , but had to park by the trackside when a turbo expired . Even by regular Formula 1 standards , this was turning into a race of extraordinary attrition . " Nothing to do against them , " Alain would confirm later . " especially as we knew they would probably not need a tyre stop . I could only hope they would take care of themselves . If they did , I felt pretty confident . The lap charts continued to shorten . Both Minardis disappeared from the scene within a minute of each other , de Cesaris 's with a snapped driveshaft , Nannini , having writ his talent large once again , departed more spectacularly . Through the Texaco Schikane the left rear suspension broke , the car breaking into a series of spins and ending up on the long grass . It was good that the failure had occurred there rather than at the previous Boschkurve - and good , too , that there was no guardrail to hit on the outside of the corner . Sandro walked back to the pits after his best grand prix to date . I hate to think how he might go in a competitive car . Here we were , then , at the 15 - lap mark , and 11 cars were already gone , Senna 's Lotus the only world championship contender among them . Prost , Mansell and Piquet were still running , although Nelson was no serious threat this day . Rosberg had finally found a way by him , and the Brazilian was down to sixth . By lap 17 Fabi was really crowding Berger , and at the flat out left - hander before the Boschkurve jinked left and into the lead . But the crowd had barely time to utter a groan before their hero was back in front ! Down through the corner the number 19 Benetton was slowing , Teo 's arm in the air . Fabi had been running with a set - up different from Berger 's , and it appears that the Italian 's car had been bottoming out so hard that early in the race it had jumped out of third gear , sending the revs skyward , to the engine 's irreplaceable sorrow . From that point on poor Teo had known that his race was doomed . Now he had good reason for his glum expression , and Prost and Mansell began cautiously to hope . Now the tyre stops began . Lap 18 saw Piquet in , replacing his As with Bs , and next time around Alboreto stopped , the Ferrari mechanics turning him around in a superb 7 . 4 seconds , far the best tyre change of the day . Prost 's turn came on lap 21 , but this was not a good stop , requiring 13 . 3 seconds of the world champion 's afternoon . Johansson and Rosberg got their new Bs on lap 22 and 23 . And all this while Berger and the Pirelli - shod Benetton stayed out there , as did new second place man Mansell , whose Goodyear As were lasting rather better than had Piquet 's . On lap 25 the leader pointed his car towards pitlane - so he would need a tyre stop , after all . But we were wrong . Gerhard 's Pirellis were in good shape , although of course the Benetton mechanics changed them as a matter of course , then removing the rear bodywork . " Misfire , " Berger had radioed , and eventually this was traced to a flat battery . They changed it , and he went back out , now 13th and three laps behind . Spectators began to head for the car parks . The Austrian had done a perfect job , and this would have been a dream of a first grand prix victory . Now , with such thoughts gone , he put on a Moss - like demonstration , running absolutely flat out in his anger . His best lap would be more than a second faster than anyone else managed . " The tube must have snapped , " he said , " and the wing hit the front of my helmet , then flew on and bent the rear wing sideplate ! Terrific , huh ? I had huge oversteer after that . " He had also , of course , to make another stop for a new nosecone . But for that Stefan might well have beaten Alboreto for second place , for he was certainly quicker than his team - mate , lap for lap . The front wing incident delayed Mansell a little , and his tyre stop , on lap 28 , was not a good one by Williams standards , taking 11 . 2 seconds . Prost , at the time , was running with the hammer down , and when Nigel resumed he was 11 seconds behind the McLaren . At the same moment Piquet , whose engine had been overheating , came in to retire from fourth place . Thirty laps : Prost , Mansell , Rosberg , Alboreto , Jones , Danner , Tambay , Johansson . Still circulating , in ninth place , was Rothengatter 's Zakspeed , followed by Arnoux , who had briefly been up to third with the Ligier before pitting to have a misfire rectified . After the spark box had been changed , Rene ran hard and fast through to the end , albeit several laps behind . Prost was really charging at this point , pulling out a second a lap on Mansell . The set - up changes had worked , he said , and on its second set of tyres the McLaren 's balance was perfect . His fuel read - out was well to the right side , and he felt able to turn up the boost a little . Then , at the end of lap 33 , there was no Mansell . Eventually he walked up , helmet in hand , on his way back to the pits . " Bloody driveshaft broke - the second in two days , " he said . " Senna and Piquet were out , and everything was looking really good . . . " Six points , on a day like this would have been gold to him . The only plus point of the race had been that he had comfortably outpaced Piquet . . . So now we had a McLaren 1 - 2 , quite like the old days . And Prost , with nearly half a minute 's advantage over Rosberg , had only to reel off the last 20 laps . Nobody does it better . We had to look down the field for our entertainment , and we found it in the battle for sixth between Tambay and Johansson . Patrick had been into the pits as early as lap seven for new tyres , having blistered the fronts , so his Goodyears were now well past their best . And his tactics , in keeping Stefan behind him , were brutal in the extreme . Time after time the Ferrari driver would dive for a gap , only to find it blocked at the last second . It was hardly subtle . As Prost came up to lap the pair of them , Johansson took the opportunity to slip by , and after the race he handed out a few well - chosen words to Tambay . As the IndyCar drivers say , ' What goes around , comes around . . . ' Having dealt with one Lola - Ford , Stefan then moved on to the next . The luckless Jones had suffered clutch slip for more than half the race , and his afternoon had been a boring one . But at least the problem meant that he was unable to hurt them . He , of all the Goodyear runners , would go the full distance without a stop . " That 's been a nice Group C race , " Alan smiled at the end , in the points for the first time since he returned . Five laps left . In the heat of the afternoon it was difficult to stay awake . Only 11 cars remained in the race , and everything appeared settled . But on lap 48 Prost 's metronome progress was suddenly disturbed . As he came past me , into the Hella - Licht chicane , the dominant sound was of tyres on asphalt , followed by a graunch from the gearbox . The engine was dead ! Halfway through the chicane Alain found a low gear , banged the clutch out and was on his way once more . Had this been a freak thing ? Could he be running low on fuel ? Surely not , with four laps to go . Or was it the recurrence of a problem which has dogged the TAG V6 , on and off , for more than a year ? As we were to learn , Rosberg 's car was in similar trouble . Indeed it was more acute on Keke 's McLaren , and had been for some laps . And as Prost struggled on , the news came through that Keke had pulled off ! Furious at being robbed of a good finish , Rosberg stalked away . " Must be somewhere in the electronics , " he said . " Every time I braked , the engine would cut . " All round the circuit the Italians went crazy . One McLaren was out , and the other was in distress . Maybe it was going to be a Ferrari1 - 2 ! They listened intently to Prost 's progress . The Hella - Licht chicane , slowest point on the circuit , was crucial . On lap 49 Alain made it through without losing the engine , but on lap 50 it happened again ! They yelled with delight as the car went silent , mumbled disconsolately as it fired up again . " Eventually , " Prost said , " it was going to die for good , I knew that . It was happening everytime I braked , so I had to use the gearbox much more for slowing . In the last three or four laps it was starting to misfire - sometimes it even cut out in the straight , just like in Hungary last week . I really thought I would not get to the finish . . . " But he did . And and he got to it first , for the 24th time in his career , a statistic which eclipses any of his fellows . Who can remember a grand prix in which Alain Prost was not a serious factor ? Perhaps the drive of the race was by Stefan . In intense pain throughout , he never faltered in his efforts , not even when the errant front wing meant an additional pitstop . Ferrari would be crazy to replace him . This Austrian Grand Prix was scarcely a thriller . There were few people present , and actual racing for them to watch . When Berger lost the lead , they lost interest . Those who stayed will have relished his comeback drive . And they may well have seen the race which will keep the world championship trophy on Prost 's sideboard . None of his rivals scored on Sunday . Alain likes days like that .

I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a happy Holiday for those who don 't celebrate Christmas ! I just had a nice day with the girl friend and went to service with her family and my mother came to it as well ! I got a few gifts from her grand parents and her parents and I will posted them later on this coming week along with my photos from the Jefferson Hotel and the James Center . The photo above is from the Jefferson Hotel . My friend that was here alone came over in the morning and I got him over for dinner and for when we went down town again for the lights . He enjoyed it and he flies out tomorrow to Florida , his mother is getting married on Sunday ! Anyways , I hope everyone sleeps nice and soundly tonight . No peaking under the tree or going down stairs looking for Santa or he will get scared ! Make sure you feed him some cookies as well and the Reindeer ! That is my girl friends families tradition actually ! Nighty - Night ! I will be out of town tomorrow but if I can post I WILL ! Posted by I didn 't go but I went last night with the girl friend to view the lights before Christmas came around . I pretty much have gone every year with the family but this was the first time with out the family . I had a good time walking around with her and I took a lot of photos . I will get those up when ever I can but with work , girl friend and sleep I don 't have the time really to post anything . If I do , it cuts into my sleeping time which I value a TON ! : P Anyways , we went to the James Center and the Omni Hotel and viewed everything that there was to offer . We also took a walk done Cary Street on the coble stones just because we felt like it and I payed the parking meter extra haha . ( 60 cents for 1 hour and 12 min ) . Lots of nice restaurants down there probably full with people for a work party or just people in general that can afford it . Most of the meals at the places started at $ 20 . We then went on our marry way to the Jefferson Hotel to view the Christmas tree in the center hall . Always fantastic and that hotel always has its own splendor about it . Has the dim lighting and people walking around smiling and drinking wine . Had a pianist playing the piano by the historical photos for the entire hall to here . We walked up the stairs and found more people chatting and drinking wine . It must have been a work group that came to enjoy themselves . We checked out the Gingerbread house that 's as big as those play houses you get for your children out back of the house . Walking into that hotel you feel special and also shows how upscale some of these places can be haha . Love to stay there just one night ! All great places to check out during these Holiday times , especially with the family or as a date . It 's cheap , festive , fun , maybe a little chilly out , get out into the city . All you have to do is get parking on the street and last night was perfect . Heck hardly anyone was on Main Street last night . Yesterday we also went to my Internship 's Christmas party and that was the first time my girl friend had been to see it . My parents don 't even know where it is haha . But she had a good time and we stayed for about 2 hours . Talked to them this morning and they thing that she was very lovely and said that I have picked a good one for now . We also stopped by my grandparents on this side of town since my darling has not yet met my grandfather but has met the grandmother . We stayed for a while and chatted . I feel bad since I wont see them on Christmas or Christmas Eve since I am going with my girl friend to her uncles on Christmas . It will be the first time I didn 't see them on either of those two days . Speaking about Christmas and the day after , we here in the Richmond area are looking to accumulate about 16inches of snow supposedly . That is a lot and that is exciting also ! It will ruin an Birthday plans that I maybe have but hey , I really really love a Winter Wonderland . I absolutely love it . Being snowed in at the house back in the woods is the best , especially during the holiday season . I couldn 't ask for anything else from the heavens . I would love for my girl friend to stay over before it snows but her father wont let her out probably before then or to stay over so that means it will be a few days before I can see her again if it snows since she can 't go out in it . My parents don 't like my sister driving in that kind of weather but me , they just tell me to be careful but I really don 't have the urgency for anything to go out in a 16 inch depth of snow everywhere haha . As long as it isn 't ice , but snow I will be contempt ! Gosh there is just something about the beauty of snow everywhere that I love , I can 't explain it . I really can 't . Were you up to see it ? My girl friend saw it but I missed it . I set my alarm but I was so tired that I slept through it 5 times . I woke up at 3am and looked outside and there was cloud cover >_> Such bad luck and it is rare for this event to happen . Lunar Eclipse and the Winter Solstice at the same time . Darn , supposedly the next time it will happen is Dec . 21st 2093 or something like that . I might make it till then , I 'll be 105 years old hahaWell I am working hard at work so I am going to go now ! Will update soon ! Depressed . . . don 't know why . . . I getting in one of those moods where I feel like I am not wanted , my opinion doesn 't matter , what is life going to bring me ? But seriously , sometimes at home I wonder why am I still here when my opinion isn 't heard , or they tell me shut up when I " hit right at the spot " but they don 't want to hear it because they are more of adults so what they say is obviously right . My mom always tells me something at least once a day that doesn 't make me feel great . She also repeats stuff like you didn 't hear it the 1 , 345 , 958th time , like I 'm some dumbass . I have hearing , I 'm not mentally retarded where I can 't understand . . . But that isn 't the reason as to why I 'm down because that is every day life for me . There is snow on the ground and it is lovely out , I took a walk and it made me feel better . I was tracking some humans boot prints in the woods so my mind was off things . It was the kid that goes down there hunting >_> He has a pellet rifle sometimes and he hunts for animals that are not on his property . I thought he stayed to his neck of the woods but he goes all around the area . Not quite as far as I have gone in the joining woods because no one has done that much but this guy . . . I need to put a stop to it . Maybe big a hole where his blind is lolAnyways , I was playing Goldeneye and I was doing good . Actually really good and then started doing bad so I was doing suicide grenade charges at the players . Those I wasn 't playing to hot because it would be 3 kills me and I would have died 21 times . . . The host eventually left so I logged off . I haven 't posted for a while on here . I have taken some photos of the snow around the house but I haven 't even got the energy to edit them and post them . There sin 't to many photos at all . I feel into my creek yesterday when I was sleigh riding in the woods down in the back . It was cold so we stopped after that . I managed to finish Code Geass the first part yesterday . I actually started it yesterday and finished today . Don 't know how I did that . I 'm on R2 now . My girlPosted by My older cat Sophie has some weird dry scab bumps thing around her neck and other places on her body so we are going to the vet to see what is up with it . They started to appear behind her hind legs a few weeks ago , more like a month or two ago but now the worst spot is around and under her neck . I hope it 's just some weird skin thing and nothing serious . She is a good kitty : ( Another thing is that this blog is now second place in page views compared to the hobby blog lol . This one has around 220 post or so and the hobby blog is like 180 post but I get more then 50 views a day and this one gets about 20 >_> Hahaa , maybe my life is a little less interesting then my hobby interest . I posted a story on the Wattpad site and got like 8 reads . It is something old that I wrote a long time ago and it is about a teen and love and such . Weird for me , I know but I based it off a dream that I had when I worked at a Chinese food stand . Not sure why I dreamed about that at the time . Anyways , I put the story version up , I have a play version like a script because I was in Theater at the time and thought about maybe submitting it and directing a short play but never did so no one has seen the play script version ( pretty much the same as the story version just script format ) I was about to buy another figure today but I talked myself out of it . IT is rare to find and was the cheapest price but I managed to talk myself out of it . I 'm proud of my self that I did it because I had ordered more things yesterday . What else can I put . . . oh ! Anyone like the snow background on the blog ? It had snowed yesterday in the area and I didn 't go to work and took some photos outside in the yard . They say the snow wont really melt in the Richmond area even though it is sunny . It is because it isn 't supposed to leave freezing today here lol . We are due for more snow on Thursday ! I like snow and the winter wonderland . I found that a lot of the time that I walk in the snow I have music in my head from when Link walks up the mountain in snow in Majora 's Mask and especially the ice cave . . . . It 's bad haha . What can I say , I take Legend of Zelda to heart . Well I got to go to the Vet , wish Sophie luck ! So I think I have a figure or what ever you want to call it buying addiction online . It 's a problem lol , anyone know of a group around her that meets up for online buying addictions ? Well I made another order online . . . . but it is something I really do like so I don 't see the problem but the past month I have done a lot of online ordering . . . . I will admit thought that after these past few Gundam models or models in general I probably wont order anymore for a long time . Models do take a lot of time to complete but I am not saying that I am lazy , plus I have like 10 models that are stored that need to get done so you can see where I don 't want to order anymore and there are like 2 I think on the way . I am kinda getting more into figures mostly because they look great right out of the box . That is what I just ordered a second ago and these are really nice ones , much like the P . O . P Brook figure that I reviewed on the hobby blog . Yes they are P . O . P but I wont tell till I get some photos out ! I also have figures that will reach here before them as well . I need to stop and as long as no figures that are hard to find , or on sale or look super awesome I probably can stop online buying for a few weeks . . . . I hope . That said I think I might watch more Teen Titans ! Go ! ! Thats right you heard correctly , or more like read correctly ! I have these two take home exams for my Environmental Pollution and Politics of the Environment and turn them in and will be done for the semester ! A lot of it is essay though and I got about a week for them to finish up . Actually the Pollution one that I am working on now in between work is due Tuesday night by 8pm . I am just so excited that this semester is over . It sure went by fast for my first semester at VCU . It was a good experience and I met a lot of knew people and hung out a lot more with old friends . Some friends are still away of course but they are coming back home for the holidays and will be here for more then a month since there schools have more time . My girl friend wont be home till Wednesday night I believe , so I still have to wait around for her to show up . Not going t lie , I do miss her and I need to show her a lot of great movies : ) We will be doing a lot of things for break and I hope the weather isn 't always going to be freezing since I plan on lots of walking in parks in such in the City and the city can be cold when it is cold . Like the other day when it was in the 20 's an there was a wind down there , that is cold ! Some things that we will be doing , and I plan on taking photos of certain things ! I hope we get to walk around the capital building as I haven 't been there in a while and I am not really sure if my girl friend has been done there are not . The past few years they did a lot of work and even has an underground visitor center below it now ! One of the companies that I shadowed with did some work on it ! another would be the canal walk . I have yet actually walked the entire canal walk and would love to do it . I just hope it isn 't to cold to take photos ! We might be going to Christmas Town at Bush Gardens in Williamsburg as wellWe probably , or just me and my family , will go to Colonial Williamsburg as we pretty much do that as a day trip all the time just to see the wreaths and to have something to do for a day . Of course , the swappPosted by There is Midna , she is doing great now all fixed lol By the way she is camera shy She is sleeping on the bed behind me right now . She likes to sleep a lot more then she did when she was younger . She is a really good cat and loves to meet new people . She is very playful still and I feed her something out of the fridge almost everyday . She is a pig and eats just about all kinds of meat and has even eaten some Wheaties and Cheerios lol . Up close of one of my bonsai that stays outside year around . Did great in the few feet of snow last year for days . Great little plant , one of the longest ones I had Check the linkAt least 2 more films in How to Train your DragonAt least 4 more Kung Fu Pandas after the next one making it 6 chaptersand two more Madagascar films to make it a total of 4 . . . . milk the stories while they are hot . Well I can see Kung Fu Panda and maybe How to Train Your Dragon lasting but not Madagascar . . . Posted by Hey everyone , I haven 't really sat down to write up a good post about life as a student or just as me in general . It has been busy with working , group work at school , classes , exams , prepping for exams , modeling during free time , coming home at midnight or later from library , hanging with my best friend , waking up in the morning and only posting on the hobby blog lol , and so on and so forth . I haven 't forgotten that this blog was originally to express my life and interest . I did post the chapters that were released earlier this week . I also did an edit on the right side panel and you can click the photo walk pictures and it will take you to those articles that a posted so long ago . It makes it organized and easy to find ! I will add other works into there as well and the Nekocon 2010 Photos when I can . It makes it lovely but you still can go to the Photo page and find the slide shows if you just want to look at the photos and not read everything I write about it and so on and so forth . I did get a new TV which makes everything pleasant in my room for my Wii , TV experience and a new monitor for my Laptop . I think I have used the 26 " ( Vizio 26 " LCD - LED TV ) more as a computer monitor then a TV . I hook up the laptop and I use it as duel screens so I can have articles I am reading on one screen and me posting on the other . Makes it a lot of fun when posting photos on the hobby blog . I have been getting really into the Hobby Blog and having a lot of fun to be the first to post things . haha a little competition doesn 't hurt anyone lol My keyboard had problems so I sent it back to Amazon and I will have to find another one ! I have been getting a lot of items recently too although a friend blogger opened an online store over in California and I ordered something through him before he opened his web store . He did get the item like 5 days late and then sent it the day before Thanksgiving and should take 2 - 9 days . Needless to say it didn 't coming yesterday and I am not sure if it is on my door step today right now or not since IPosted by The Newest $ 350 Zelda StatueTake a look because I would love to have this statue but it is far more pricey then the whole TV set up I just got . . . Dang I have expensive tastes . Posted by Thanksgiving weekend shopping rises to $ 45 billion , exceeding expectationsLast year over the BlackFriday Weekend it was $ 41 . 2 billion and now this year at $ 45 billion . That is quite a bit more and tons of money in sales . Shows how far we have come from the economy falling a few years back . Posted by Still the best cosplayer of Samus from the Metroid series by far . From Sweden she is and a student . She cospalys in this photo the Varia suit in a winter landscape ! Sorry everyone , it has been since Thanksgiving since I have posted on the blog . I have been updating the Hobby Blog but didn 't find time to blog here with the family around . Also nothing exciting happened to write about . Did anyone go out on Black Friday to buy such items as TV 's or anything of the sort ? I got a nice pair of gray work pants , a new professional jacket , something else that I wont mention since the girl friend is probably reading this . I also order some models online lol . Can 't wait for stuff to still get to me in the mail ! Anyone buying anything online today since it is Cyber Monday ! I 'm good so I 'll pass . I need to build up my savings again haha . I managed to finish my Economics paper and test number 4 ! thanks the heavens . I wish I had gotten new photos this past week since I feel like taking photos now but I am at work . Maybe I will post my desk space at home later this evening while I watch my triple play ( House , The Event , Hawaii - Five 0 ) . The semester is almost over which is nice . I 'm getting to the point where I want to stop and relax and do some photography , some modelling and of course time with the girl friend since I do love her haha . I drove down to Williamsburg to get her Saturday night and brought her back so I could have more time with her . She was everywhere for Thanksgiving . North Carolina to the Eastern Shore . Lots of driving , or more like riding for her . Oh did I tell you I got a full schedule of classes for the spring I am taking : - Environmental Geology - Research Seminar or something like that . I think it is a sociology credit . . but its required for me - Ecology - Zen Buddhism - Writing Journalism ( 4 credit class but only non - upper level class ) The last two are more for fun and to fill in since I couldn 't sign up for other required classes that I wanted . I will probably take Physics over the summer at J . Sergeant Reynolds with the Girl friend . Might be fun ! I am really getting into blogging as anyone can tell , or maybe not since I neglected to post for a few days here lol . Anyways , I also like locaClinton Lewis I haven 't posted in a while and I have grandparents here and have had a few days off . Sorry ! I do wish everyone a magical and happy Thanksgiving and think about what they are thankful for ! Many people wont be able to eat a feast with family or eat at all and give thanks that you are able to . I have gotten lots of stuff in the mail recently and you can see actually over at the hobby blog but I have gotten more then that . Anyways , wish a tasty meal for all and if I don 't get to post again , I wish a safe mission when you are out tomorrow morning for Black Friday Sales ! Good Luck ! Image from deathby1000papercuts . comHave you heard about the new screening and pat downs at the air ports ? It is pretty crazy and now children are involved with it and that they might get the pat down in naughty places . Seriously , search TSA in any news source web site and read the articles . There is so much wrong in the TSA but I can see where it is trying to be foe the greater good of society for the safety in air travel . Here is an article about the kidsAnother article about it and information . Posted by So the other day I walked around the woods that are around my house with the new camera just to test it out . It was nice since it was warm and bright out side . Nice to get away from some people , anyways here are the photos ! Also , the album is on slide show form up on the photo page for later viewing ! My driveway of course . Get 's covered every fall of the leaves . It is a gravel drive way and is a pain when it rains hard because it washes out and that means I have to rake the gravel back on to fill the ruts . I don 't complain . A long gravel road to sacrifice to live off the main neighborhood road in the woods for more privacy : ) I really like the colors of the leaves this time of the year . Definitely up in the mountains because that looks great . Here is the creek right down the hill through the woods behind the house . Has a small " fishing " hole . I have caught many creek chubs there and kept them in my fish tank and they last for a long time in there . They eat a lot . In fact if you place smaller chubs in there the bigger ones would eat them . I would catch large crayfish in here to and kept them . They usually crawled out of the tank and roam the house . It annoyed the mother so much . I like the mix of the red , brown , mustard looking orange and the light purples . Got maple leaves , beech tree leaves , probably some white or red oak and hickory leaves mixed in there down by the creek . Red Maple leaf Small plants pop out of the leaves on the ground . I expect this during the spring but odd in the fall . Usually everything green turns brown . Anyways the camera took really nice close up photos in the lighting and came out really well . I know for fact that all the ferns down there in the woods had turn brown and fall off but this little guy is coming up late or just decided to hang around . I am not sure what plant this is . It actually runs like a vine sort of all around the forest floor . Another green plant poking up in the falling leaves Beech tree 's are a yellow right now . They look really nice and the Maples are red by the way . Our Hickory trees are yellow as well so these three have great colors to add to the forest : ) I 'm pretty sure this is a sweet gum . They are the ones that have the gum balls that ball out of trees that are spiky . Not Chestnuts though . This is a small tree though , maybe a foot tall . Beech tree leaves . A smaller tree . I liked this photo so I made it larger for you guys . This stump has been here for a long time , as long as I have been going down there . Like the colors all around it . It is a nice low spot in the woods in an area where you usually walk up on deer eating . Since it has been wet and damp recently there was a lot of mushrooms popping up in random spots in the woods . I took many pictures of different ones but I don 't know the names for them , sorry . This one was interesting since it had a weird cut in the top of it . Kind of unique This one had a nice peach color top . It is the same one that is in the above image . Different color then most the leaves at this time of year . This was the biggest one that I saw . All white and was droopy . Last shot is Sophie over at the neighbor 's house smiting me . . . . I was surprised that this photo came out well since I was at a distance away from her and the house . : ) Well hope you enjoyed the photo tour of the woods . I hope to get better photos for everyone in different seasons and of new things ! This album is on the photo page to viewing as well ! Found this mosuci video and haven 't heard of the band / singer but the video was orchestrated . Here is some of the info I found about it . This music video was shot for Sour 's ' Hibi no Neiro ' ( Tone of everyday ) from their first mini album ' Water Flavor EP ' . The cast were selected from the actual Sour fan base , from many countries around the world . Each person and scene was filmed purely via webcam . Director : Masashi Kawamura + Hal Kirkland + Magico Nakamura + Masayoshi NakamuraSOUR official site : http : / / sour - web . com2009 Zealot Co . , ltd / Neutral Nine Records . Really awesome video with great footage and music suits it well . Even the second part with the second song , I loved seeing the boats zoom through the water . I 'll add this to the online video page . Also I will add this pretty interesting Japanese girl when she meets Daniel Radcliff , best reaction ever lol . I guess it is more amusing when you can 't understand her . Posted by Hey everyone ! Did you guys have a good weekend ? I had a pretty laid back one and got a lot of things done for the blogs too . I got the Carter Mountain photos up , the Nekocon 2010 photos up and I re - did the photo page and added trailer content to the movie page as well . For the Hobby blog I got a lot of photo 's done for the site . I review the two figures that I picked up at Nekocon and I re - did photos for previously done models and will slowly add those and re - do the " My Models " page with slide shows of the album . I also posted about the Gunship model that I got ahold of and will post the other model within a day or two . I just didn 't want to flood the hobby site with everything I just did because then I have nothing to post later on about . Well at least till my pre - orders come in . I took photos outside yesterday and will probably post those soon as well . I was testing the zoom and macro settings on the camera on small plants and mushrooms in the woods . hahaI went bowling last night , it was a work thing and FREE . I played like 6 or more games and my right hand still hurts from it . I had a pain in writing notes in class today so I just played Lucky Lanes ( Bowling game ) on my Zune while the lecture was going on . ops . . . Some things coming up people , I got to get that kitty , Midna , fixed on Saturday so I have that going on . I need to get my passport photo done and call about an appointment to get the application in so they can give me a new one . I need to get serious about figuring out what I am going to do there and soon . Patrice my Japanese as well . I had flashcards but they seam to have disappeared in thin air . . . . . I guess I 'll make new ones . Thanksgiving is next week so I am happy that I only have one class and BLACK FRIDAY ! Sales and sales everywhere . I don 't know what to buy and I probably should get anything . Some TV 's are tempting though and so are some computer monitors . . . Naw I really shouldn 't but I want toooo ! Oh yeah , relating to the post title , I did finish the actual game story line in GoldenEye on Friday IPosted by Is Facebook about to offer email ? Reports say it plans a ' Gmail killer ' Ok is anyone up for FaceBook email , or what I call F mail . . . I mean yeah FaceBook has bee out to get at everyone and everyone is out to get FaceBook . It FB released the email that means already that the members of FaceBook would have an email account with them and they can use it to communicate through FB and outside of FB . That is about 500 million email accounts made right there which is a lot more then Hotmails , Gmails , yahoo mails and etc . Now would a lot of people use it or stick with their current email . That is the question isn 't it ? I mean we use FaceBook to communicate with other people already using wall posts or the messaging system or there instant message system . I don 't think I would use there email at all . I love my Gmail account and email because I get a personalized News page , document editor where I can type documents online , got a calendar and such . Also a Google account also gives you access to Blogger ( wow go figure that 's what I am on ! ) and you can use it to log into YouTube ! Thats a great deal and you have a lot of memory that Google gives you . Now I would be worried to use email with FB especially using it for personal stuff since you know that FB is going to incorporate it with your profile . They have had there problems with security and privacy issues and giving more power to them by you using their email client ( when ever released ) isn 't that awesome . For me , I will pass on it because I have my other email accounts . Maybe I 'll use it for all that spam crap . I get enough spam from FaceBook anyways . What do you think ? Fruit for thought people . Posted by News : Rejoice , No Efron On The Live - Action ' Akira ' FilmI hope to GOD this information is true ! ! I really do since it is down the toilet anyways . I just don 't want people to get the idea that AKIRA was really like the way this movie / movies is going to play out . Just the creativity from Otomo himself when he wrote the manga , and of course taking a hold of the making of the anime movie . The music was great , the art cells were fantastic and the story was rich with so many characters and it was not suitable for underage people . It really was a shock the first time I watched the movie and proceeded to find the manga and enjoyed that a ton more . Once again for the thousandth time , I recommend watching the movie and reading the manga . More on reading the manga . Posted by Here are the limited photos that I took at Nekocon 2010 . Wan 't much since I was mostly walking around and looking . There wasn 't much going on there and I probably should have taken more photos then normal . Ops . Well I hope you like them ! Legends of the Hidden Temple . Freaking awesome . Not seen anyone cosplay as contestant before ! Princess Zelda saying in her head , " Who the F # $ @ is this Lady Gaga ? ! ? ! ! ? " We missed breakfast back at school so yummy muffin . The only choices were Orange and Banana nut . I like Banana Nut but the girl friend doesn 't eat Banana 's so we got Orange and was interesting . How doesn 't offer Blueberry ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Some Otaku girls coming to get last things in the dealers room . And Rorschach back to inform us the End is " near " . It was indeed since it was over that day . . . Over all my girl friend and I had a good time . I tried testing out the new camera but the shots came out weird an fuzzy probably because of the lighting in the convention center . One side is a white wall and the other side of the hall is huge windows that poured in the sunlight and so it always maybe the lighten off . I tried to lighten up some the photos since the shadows casted over the peoples faces ! Girl friend had a good enough time she is thinking about Otakon 2011 ! ! Yippy ! I think she would have a great time ! I did buy a few things while there like a Master Grade Exia , and two Banpresto DX Figures , one of the Seven Warlords in One Piece and Freeza 2nd form from Dragon Ball Z . And of course 3 Ramune 's and a box of mixed Berry Pocky ! ! I will take photos of the figures in the next few days but will post those on the Hobby blog , obviously ! Again sorry for the lack of photos and the quality , I guess it was a test run of the camera and I think I understand the settings a little better now ! Have a good night everyone ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I am a graduate with a B . S . in Environmental Studies from VCU . I worked through school part time and interned . I run 3 blogs and also add articles to MissionStartPodcast . com ! I recently took my second trip by myself to Japan to see the autumn colors and gardens . I love to show what i see on travels and in everyday life through photography . I also like writing about what I feel and experiences that I have on my blogs Kickstarter campaign It 's been a long time everybody . I uploaded a Kickstarter campaign about a few weeks ago on Kickstarter . It is about my three trips to J . . .

I grinned at the elderly man rocking away this February day . " Hello , " I answered . " Hello . I 'm just admiring this wonderful porch : I love it . " I didn 't go into the specifics of needing to catch my breath . " Yes , I 've been here 8 months now . When I was looking for a place to stay , I saw this porch . And , I thought , this will work . Yes , this will work . " He continued on , sharing a bit of his story , and I listened contentedly , whispering a pray of thanks for this elderly man wanting to talk . Making our way up the rest of that dratted hill , and loving the fact that the return trip would be downhill , Phil and I reached Beans in the Belfry . We 'd found quite by accident one winter 's day , hoping to visit a nearby rail museum . Despite its website stating it would be open , we found the building shuttered and dark . In search of things to do , we 'd found this coffee shop . Intrigued by the name , and the obvious fact that at one point in history , it had lived its life as a church , we wandered into an eclectic mix of various tables , sofas , chairs , and the most wonderful aroma imaginable . Sounds of a blue grass band mingled with conversation and the clanking of dishes . I looked up into steel blue eyes and a very wrinkled face . Leaning against a walker , he went onto tell me he photographed all sorts of things , but mostly trains . He collected them , you see , and he 'd been a worker on a train once . Where were we from ? Did we come here often ? He came every Sunday ; he 'd been coming for years now , ever since the place opened . What trains had we ridden ? He 'd been on one that traveled across most of Alaska , a special train just for his group . It reminded him of when he worked on a train , supervising the dining car . He had to get there early , to begin breakfast and have it ready . The bosses got to know him , let him ride in the engine , but he couldn 't stay too long . So much of his help was teenagers , you see , and they required close supervision . His voice often got lost in the din of cutlery , the sounds of nearby conversation , and the live music . My mind kept flitting back to my dad and his love of stories , to all the times he 'd converse with anyone and everyone . He wanted to make someone laugh , often reminding us that if you made someone laugh , you 'd done good work . And , I thought a good bit about the elderly and their love of stories , their wanting to be seen , heard , and valued . It costs so little to sit and listen , a bit of time mostly . I thought about all the wonderful folks who 'd given my father that time , and I said a quick prayer for all those who had no one to listen to them . Probably Old Women as well , but for some reason , I seem to come across the men more often . I 've heard wonderful tales told of days growing up as a slave , and how proud one man was to be a house slave after growing up picking cotton in the fields . It brought history home and made it real . I 've been sitting with the election results for nearly a week now . Each time that I think I may have come to grips with it . . . not liking it . . . just sort of internalizing it , something else happens . And , before I know it , my monkey mind is spinning like an unbalanced load of laundry . It 's gone completely amok , trying to process it all . Full disclosure here : Trump was not my candidate of choice . Not because he 's Republican , but simply because he made my stomach clench with what I perceived his character to be . I 'm not okay with public bullying , poking fun at others , etc . He simply goes against so many of my own personal beliefs , and this is where I 'll ask you to not post any sort of hateful comments . I just don 't go there , okay ? And , my hope is not that he fails big time , so that I can go . . . Aha ! See ? Don 't get me wrong ; I 'm scared . I 'm just not going to let that fear control my life . I want to somehow harness this fear , make it fuel me to work for change . I loathe and detest the hate filled comments I 've seen , before , during , and after the election . There are ways to state your case , what ever that case might be . It simply does not have to be hateful or demeaning . I 've seen both parties do it ; both are still doing it . Public shaming is awful ; people have a right to be disheartened , to grieve an outcome . And , I think that they 're grieving far more than Secretary Clinton not being the president elect . I 'm one of those people ; it 's just that my grief happens to be more private . People are grieving what seems to be a complete rejection of values important to them , a way of life . Much of this type of shaming comes backed up with comments on a generation that has been always given their trophy , always told they 're wonderful , that have been excessively coddled . I happen to agree with some of this ; I 've seen it far too often in a classroom setting . The thought has crossed my mind that we 're blaming the wrong folks here ; these people didn 't raise themselves , and sometimes , they were never given the tools to " get over it . " And , I bet that the very folks posting this sort of crud would be horrified if someone publicly shamed them or theirs because the shamer felt that someone had been too easy on them , or raised them poorly . Public shaming is just not the answer ; it sure as hell is not going to cure anything . I 'm worried about minority groups , about children , about the lack of respect given to women . I 'm more than worried about this white supremacy bit . It makes my skin crawl . For me , it comes down to this . I need to get more involved with what I care about - the hungry , the poor , human rights in general . I need to get active in a big way , and to do it more than at Thanksgiving and Christmas . I need to stand up for what I believe in , and I need , at least for now , to limit my contact with Facebook rantings . It 's not sticking my head in the sand ; I 'll be reading and researching , but choosing the sources of my information carefully . Not that I 'll just stick to what I happen to agree with . . . now , that would be sticking my head in the sand ! But , I need to not let this hate soak into my pores and fill my days . I 'm really tied up with what to do with this one . . . I do need to be able to say " I don 't agree . " But , it needs to be more of a conversation , not what could well be perceived as a public attack on a person . So , how to do this , I 'm just not sure yet , but I need to begin with my own corner of this world . Most of all , I need to take that good hard look at me , at how I 'm living my life , at the prejudices I didn 't think I had in any way or fashion . I need to decide the person I 'm going to be in what feels like a really bad situation . I refuse to say that nothing good has come out of this seeming mess , because I believe that the first step in moving past the ugliness in acknowledging it still does exist , whatever form it takes . Logically , I know this ; I 've always known it , but I buried it . As I type , I 'm thinking that if I had one of those oh so stylish blogs , my dirty laundry would repose in a hand woven wicker basket , maybe even one made of sweet grass . I 'd artfully strew things alongside , some freshly picked flowers from my non existent gardens . My beautifully arranged dirt laundry might even be basking on some delightfully rumpled linen . October light makes me smile , maybe more so than any other light . It brings with it soft golden magic , muted yet strong . I struggle to define what makes October light special , but any photographer knows it and knows its magic . Let 's begin with his knee , which is pretty much sans cartilage , that nice stuff that cushions things a bit . Bone rubbing on bone creates pain , lots of pain . You hobble , lurch , and often walk like you 've been nipping at a flask in your hip pocket . Our family doc took one look at the knee , and then stated that while he was not an ortho guy , he felt pretty certain that another knee replacement loomed . Of course , it does . We 've got beach plans next month , a NY trip in October , and I have an art retreat in October as well . At any rate , Phil began the referral process , and the powers that be promptly kicked back the referral . For this go round , it 's to be Walter Reed Hospital , the same hospital where Phil had the president 's physician " practice " on him , trying to do some blood work , etc . My husband 's veins did not make the task easy . I 've been blessed to have very few encounters with the medical profession . A healthy fear of needles plays a part ; so do some apparently very healthy body parts . Well , at least until now . I slunk back to my chair , just a bit mortified . Notice , I say " a bit . " That fear of needles will most likely produce the same effect once I 'm through this mess . The same good doc that referred Phil to an ortho figured I had a turn rotator cuff and sent me packing downstairs for x - rays and more forms . Answering pretty much the same questions , it seemed to me that with the two offices connected , along with a lab , computerizing it might be the way to go . For now , it was papers on a clip board and a ball point pen . You often read about these sorts of messages , messages sent during a crisis situation that profess undying love . Me ? I get told that he has to go to the bathroom ! Plainly , I was not on all cylinders here , if I were having a snit fit about his message . I knew he wasn 't at the hospital on base , but active shooters are known to travel . And , let 's face it , if it the shooter was military , chances are he / she could have some great access to some powerful weapons . Yesterday , we celebrated our wedding anniversary - 42 years and counting . On our way to a wonderful old used bookstore ( We tend to really do things up when we celebrate . ) , we 'd been chatting about my nephew , due to head out to Turkey soon to work with refugee children . The recent terrorist attack there had stirred things up a bit on our end , and my sister , God bless her , put on a brave face , admitted to being scared to death , but whole heartily supported her son and his decision to go . Phil and I chatted briefly about the world in general , and its many opportunities for danger . Without much fanfare , we reaffirmed out choice to continue to live our lives the best we can , and more importantly , not to live them around fear . Little did I know that fear would rear its ugly head about 12 hours later . Being in the Pentagon on 9 - 11 , yards from where the plane rolled to a halt . Waiting hours to hear if he were alive , all the time rocking my students as they sobbed and waited for a parent to come get them . Watching him go back into a still burning Pentagon the next day , to show the rest of the world that we would not be defeated . ( If you watched the coverage that day , there was a smiling man cheerfully waving to the reporters as he stood in line to enter that burning building . Yep , the very same idiot . . . and I say that in a loving way . . . whose last words could well have been about the bathroom . He 's mine , all mine , and has been for 42 years . ) Throughout the years , this sense of what could go wrong , tends to reside in the back corners of our minds . If we chose to focus on it for any great length of time , we 'd all be nuts . It comes with living in the DC area , and it comes with his job . I can still picture the day that I figured out that his then job ( computer on the back up plane for Air Force 1 ) mandated that in effect of nuclear war , he 'd leave on that plane . It absolutely horrified me that he could get on that plane knowing full well he 'd be leaving us to die . His only response as I went ballistic was that it was his job . Finally after about 24 hours of disbelief , I shoveled that bit to the back of my mind as well , because , honestly , should that scenario play out , he 'd be the one behind . We , most likely , wouldn 't know a thing . I briefly checked the news outlets ; they really knew nothing but were doing a fine job of speculating , and I didn 't need that . So , I prepped dinner , did some laundry , edited a few photos . I knew to keep busy ; sitting , sobbing , and worrying wouldn 't help . I put out a few calls for prayers , let a few folks know that most likely , Phil was not anywhere near the action , and just kept moving . A bit later my daughter texted that Joint Base Andrews had been given the all clear . I briefly checked the news , still tons of speculation , but the upshot seems to be that a practice drill for active shooter on base was slated for today . Apparently , someone who missed the memo about this being a practice , looked out a window , say some men with some awfully big weapons , and called for help . The news reporters kept harping on finding out why not everyone on base knew about the practice drill . Well , I can answer that . . . people don 't read all their email and memos . That 's pretty much a topic of daily conversation here . Phil does an awful lot of briefings for folks that don 't read their daily reports . The reporters dramatically voiced that the folks at Andrews had been on lock down most of the morning . Well , nope , not really . It lasted maybe an hour and a half . Now , to those sheltering in place , unsure of what 's happening , that would be a very long 1 1 / 2 hours . But , it 's not most of the morning . This is why I rarely watch / listen to the news . Yesterday afternoon , after a " no good horrible very bad day , " ( Thank you , Judith Viorst , for that wonderfully accurate group of words ! ) , I curled up , just wanting to go home . Managing a group of middle school students . . . as a sub , no less . . . on one of the last remaining days of the school calendar year is not for the faint of heart . Neither of us much wanted to be where we happened to be . " I 'm going to learn computers and how to manage an office . I want to help my husband . And , most of all , I want to learn to write English . I can speak it , read it , but I am not so good with with the writing . " You see , Mrs . M . works during the school day in the school cafeteria , and immediately after to her duties as janitor . She never seems to stop moving . I know she 's a fantastic cook , her fresh guacamole and other " special " dishes , made everyone 's day . Wow , what a lesson and wake up call for me . Yes , I 'd pretty much been through the ringer with the day 's events , but where I curled up and tried to shut out the world , she kept right on moving . The kids whiz by the cafeteria staff , most of them not even making eye contact . Not so much out of rudeness , but simply eager to eat and then play outside . Note : the above photo shows my mother 's " cookie bowl " with stories all its own . I shot it last week as part of an online class assignment , and it seemed to be a perfect fit . My only regret from yesterday 's encounter with Mrs . M . , is that I should have asked to take her photo . Comments ( 0 ) " Enjoy this life , friends . Everyday you wake up is the opportunity to start fresh . Every day you wake up is a gift , a miracle . May you find tiny miracles and magic throughout your day today . " Most of us woke up this morning to the horror of Orlando ; it seemed almost impossible to find magic . Phil and I sat , talking over breakfast . Trying to figure out why so much hate exists in our world , why so many people need to nurse grudges and slights until they bloom into some horrible entity of their own . It takes so much energy to nurse hate , so damn much , and I see people everywhere doing so - whether they 're in my own family circle , the places we work , tiny towns to big cities . No one can seem to let go ; hate and grudges eat away at them daily . After the initial articles , we decided to put the unceasing chatter about today 's events aside , to not let it consume us . Reading and re - reading the horrible facts , listening to the news , just put a deeper hole in our hearts . I prayed for all those who didn 't get the gift of a new day this morning , for their families and friends who are hurting . I carried them all in my heart today , and I 'll carry them there for a long time . We wandered out into the hills , the foothills of the mountains , stopping at a favorite winery . Wine got tasted , cheese and fruit nibbled on . Conversation about all the ordinary , and a few not so ordinary moments of our own lives , filled the hours . We watched dogs tussle , babies coo . We listened to laughter filled conversations . We wandered over to the vines , enjoyed the wildflowers , and just watched life go by . As I 'm typing this , Phil is planting herbs in some upcycled flower pots that had , quite frankly , seen better days . ( Can you tell how much I love color ? These pots never fail to make me grin . ) It seems like a good thing to do right now , this nourishing of life . I can 't take away Orlando . I can 't take away the grief so many feel right now . What I can do is not waste my own life , not fill it with hate and grudges . I need to work on this in me , my own life . Because , as they say , if I can 't fix my own life , how can I fix the world ? Mindfulness is a hard gig ; so is compassion . It 's much easier to hate what and who we don 't understand . But , Lord , it does weigh us down . I started letting go of hate / grudges some years back ; I 'm still working at it ; I 'll be working at it as long as I live , I suppose . It 's worth it though . Carrying around joy is a much better deal . I can extend acceptance and do a lot less judging ( So darn instinctive , this judging . ) I can offer forgiveness to those who 've hurt me personally ; they might not accept . I know that . It 's not at easy to pray for our enemies and mean it . The idea of praying for an enemy baffles most folks ; I know it did my sixth graders , and me at times , as well . Before we prayed the Mass together each Fridat , I would remind them to choose one person who hurt them during the week , and then to pray for that person during Mass . I think they did , at least most of them . In so many ways , it 's a Bella Grace day , at least the day 's beginning . I savor this publication , the heft and texture of its pages a treat for anyone who adores paper . I get lost in the photography , studying it , gleaning ideas , simply enjoying . A year ago , February , the two women decided to collaborate , writing each other a series of letters , always including a photograph . What I love , is that the letters focus on everyday moments , hopes , fears , and dreams . Both hoped to become more mindful , more present in their own lives . " The ordinary is like meditation ; it 's like prayer . We say the same things and do the same things over and over again . Yet , each time we utter the prayer , each time we do the mundane task , it pulls us in a bit deeper if we let it . . . They are the beautiful , ordinary stuff of life . " Growing up , our yard was a delight . . . wild berries growing on the edges of the woods tasted like summer , and always , always , the smell of mint . Much to my dad 's puzzlement , I headed for the mint every time I came home . Sometimes , finding it became difficult , since along the way , dad determined it to be a weed , and one to be cut back every chance he got . I always found some , though not always in the same spot . I think it became a game between the two of us . It 's a battered old thing , this pot . Near as I can figure , with a bit of help from Google and Etsy , it 's going on 60 some years old . Nearly as old as I am , and both of us dinged up a bit , but still going strong . Just for grins and giggles , as he says , Phil decided to experiment with it one day , and it 's been pressed into service ever since . If we 're not in a hurry , it 's put to work . There 's something about watching the brown liquid begin to perk and bubble with a sound all its own . A rich aroma works its way through the kitchen and up the stairs , telling me as one of the grands puts it , that it 's sunny time . I 've been in some sort of creative funk lately . It 's not that I don 't have ideas ; I do , and there are lots of them . But my energy went missing , and other than perusing the net , and getting lost in its rabbit holes , I 've simply been reading the kinds of books that don 't make you think , or playing Suduku and Solitare . I had to laugh when I found the image of the girl ; she 's just so perfect . If I had gone looking for her , she never would have appeared . I just started putting down marks , paint , etc . letting the page become what it needed to be . I altered the cut out images , making them more my own . I didn 't fret about wonky letters . I just kept going , and the more I did , the better I felt . There are a thousand ways to say it , and sadly , other than the shouting it out for all the world to hear , that was pretty much me yesterday . Grumpy . Out of sorts , and no way to make me happy . Because you see , scarfing down junk food satisfies something in me . I feel miserable afterwards , and honestly , I rarely really taste what I 'm eating . I know it 's not one bit good for me , but I do it none the less . Prior to the budgeting business , I would have been in the store , scooping up chocolate tortes , cream cheese goodies , cookies , and more . Maybe that poor guy above had no more clam or crab pickings ? Maybe no kind soul fed him chips or fries that day . Who knows , but I think we were of like mind . The world was out to get us . Said dishwasher , and its partner in crime , the kitchen faucet confounded us . Somehow , when the water heater got replaced , and everything was working downstairs , the faucet , on its own accord , just stopped dripping . Just stopped . So , googling how to fix something began again . Many things were tried to no avail . I asked Phil if maybe the hot water to the dish washer had been turned off , and he assure me he had not touched it . Pay day is nearly here , and I can restock the larders . I have a working dishwasher , and I have hot water in my house . Laundry is going , as is the infamous dishwasher . The part to fix the car 's AC has arrived . ( Thank you , Amazon , and God bless you ! )

My mom 's friend , Rose Gamble , passed away last Tuesday , January 17 , 2012 . When I got home from work yesterday , my mom told me that she had a call from her friend , Gaylene , with the news and letting her know that there would be a viewing and funeral for Rose in Glendale , CA . The viewing was scheduled for today and the funeral mass and burial service will be tomorrow . My mom was clearly upset and wanted to attend the funeral . I told her that we couldn 't go to the funeral because she has dental surgery scheduled for Thursday , but we could certainly attend the viewing . When I got home from work today , mom and I went to the viewing ( or visitation ) . It was at the very massive and very beautiful Forest Lawn in Glendale . I can say that Forest Lawn is probably the most difficult cemetery I have ever attempted to navigate . Their maps are dreadful and the directions are lacking . I 've attempted many times to fulfill findagrave . com photo requests there , knowing where the graves where located , but the maps are not user friendly . Even had to enlist help from grounds keepers and my success rate was only ever 50 % . Luckily , today 's viewing was in the main building at the entrance to the grounds , which I found out only after arriving there . I really had no idea where on the vast grounds the viewing was being held and when we arrived , the information guard shack was vacant ! There was a sign posted directing questions to the Mortuary Office , yet I couldn 't find any sign of that office . The only signs posted were for the various churches and chapels on the grounds . Anyway , after driving around , I finally found some employees at the Human Resources office that told me where the Mortuary Office was . We found the viewing and as my mom and I approached the room , a lovely young woman saw us and immediately called my mom by name . It was Rose 's granddaughter . She was so kind and so very charming . I can 't even say enough good things about her ! She remembered meeting my mom when she had stayed with Rose after she fell and injured her hip ( like my mom had a few months prior ) . My mom and Rose met in the senior apartment complex they lived in and they had many things in common . As lovely young women in the 1940s , both girls enlisted in the armed forces during WWII to serve their countries ( Rose in the US and my mom in Canada ) . Both girls were very proud of their service and very supportive of the troops and the veterans ( especially female vets ) . Both girls were honorably discharged from their service and went on to be contributing and productive members of society and both ended up in Los Angeles to raise their families , and met spending their golden years in the high desert of California . As it turned out , Rose had raised her family in the same city my mom and I now live and will be buried in our city cemetery next to her late husband . It was very nice to meet her children and grandchildren and the family friends that were at the viewing today . It was an open casket viewing , and Rose looked incredibly beautiful . Her hair and make up were perfect and she was in her uniform ! On her lapel , was a badge with the picture below of her . You know , nearly 70 years and three children later , Rose could still fit into that uniform ! Not to mention it was still in great shape . I was surprised though that it was a light brown or dark tan in color . As I only really see black and white photos of that era , I just assumed the uniform would be green . You didn 't have know her well or know her for a long period of time for her to leave an impression on you . She had something about her that made you remember her after your first meeting ! She was a wonderful lady and may she now be in peace and free of any pain that her final days may have brought upon her . ROSE ESTELLE GAMBLE ROSE ( ROSIE ) ESTELLE GAMBLE Rose Estelle Gamble , 92 , was born on July 25th , 1919 in Savannah GA and passed away in Victorville , CA on January 17th 2012 . Rosie enlisted in the Women 's Army Air Corp ( WACC ) in 1943 as a medical dental technician during World War II . She was honorably discharged as a Tech Sgt . in 1945 . She was proud to be a part of the armed services and supported the troops throughout her life . She traveled to Washington D . C . when they had the dedication of the memorial wall for the Women Veterans of America . She married Bernard ( Buss ) A . Gamble in 1945 and settled in Los Angeles to raise her family . She was preceded in death by her husband Buss in 1990 . She is survived by brother John ; daughters Carol , grandchildren Charlotte , Lorraine , Edward ; Susan , granddaughter Rhonda ; her son Thomas , grand - children Carly and Scott and 6 great grandchildren . A celebration of her life will be held at St . Bernard 's Church , 2500 West Ave , 33 , Los Angeles , CA on January 26th , 2012 at 11 : 00AM , with burial following at Forest Lawn , Glendale CA . In lieu of flowers , make donations to American Women Ventrans Foundation , 1250 Connecticut Ave . , North West Ste . 200 , Washington D . C . , 20036 ( americanwomenveterans . org / home / donate ) . How can I equally respect and hate the HIPAA law ? Right now , I hate it more than respect it , but I do appreciate the law in the big picture . I can tell you that I had to jump through hoops to get my own grandmother 's records ( as limited as they were ) and now I 've been trying to get insight on her paternal aunt who also died in the same facility that my grandmother died in . Considering that the law deals with privacy and insurance , I 'm thinking that the people I 'm interested in , didn 't have insurance during the time they were " incarcerated " . I just want to know what happened and how she ended up there , but I am not " eligible " to receive that information as I 'm not considered the closest living relative . I 've attempted to reach out via other sources to a great granddaughter of my grandmother 's aunt , but haven 't had any luck there . Possibly , the " descendant " isn 't really into the gen research and doesn 't know or care , but that doesn 't mean others feel the same way . Therefore , how do we handle this ? So , if you 're not not a direct descendant , how do you obtain this information if the direct descendants don 't really give a damn ? The laws really do screw things up . I 'm talking about a woman that died in the early 1950s and not someone that recently died . But , it is someone from my bloodline and I want to know that history . Why is that so difficult ? This is bugging the hell out of me . It does often seem true that the good die young . Maybe that 's because they are truly brave and can take a stand against injustice . They have a voice ( like we all do ) but seem to be driven to make their voice heard without fear of the consequences . Where would we be without people like that ? Fear is a killer . It kills dreams . It kills people . It kills society . It kills humanity . Fear also causes us to " conform " . We fear failure , rejection , labeling , gossip , you name it . For example , some may fear any of the above , so they marry an abuser rather than be labeled a spinster . I once knew that person . She was married to an abuser and called me a spinster when I was 26 years old . Some fear their dream life and instead settle for a job ( which is not a life ) . To me , conforming does not lead to a happy and successful society . Rather , ( and yes , Americans might gasp and this thought ) a socialist society . A society where you are told what you should want , do , like , love and so on . A society that might think you 're odd if you don 't belong to the " right " church or political party . The society that might think you are less valuable because you didn 't finish college . All a bunch of crap , really . And maybe , one day , society will appreciate the value of diversity ( truly and not just lip service ) and appreciate those brave enough to break the stigma molds that we seem to accept as the norm . Now that I got that off my chest ( as they say ) , I want to acknowledge Martin Luther King . A man that accomplished SO much in such a short time . It truly boggles my mind when I think about what he did in his life compared to what I 've done . He was brave and held tight to his beliefs . He did not back down and took a stand for so many of us . He had a dream , and I 'm sure so many of us do . The difference is he acted upon his dream and how many of us can say we do . Go out and be inspired by the man that dared to live his dreams in the hopes that we could lives ours . Maybe if we all do one little dream thing , we can somehow help make this a better place and contribute in a positive way to the lives of others . Hey , we never really know how some little thing we can do can really impact someone else . Think about it . My Song of the Week is one that I can 't hear without emotions being stirred . Ever since I was a kid , this song brought tears to my eyes . Enjoy and live your dreams . Life is short and too valuable to not live ! It wasn 't exactly how I had planned to spend the very first Saturday of 2012 , but I 've learned over the years that we must be flexible . I had a " fun " day planned of getting the oil changed in the car and then getting the car smog tested . A California smog test is required on older cars every other year , your car must pass the test in order to get your vehicle registration renewed . And yes , the renewed vehicle registration is required if you drive a car with California plates . At the ghastly hour of about 4 : 30AM on Saturday , my mom woke me up and told me she didn 't feel good . Her entire left side was numb . She wanted me to call an ambulance . I got my sister up and we agreed that we would take my mom to the ER rather than wait for an ambulance that would probably take her to the ER anyway . I brewed a cup of coffee in my Keurig , took my mom 's blood pressure ( it was rather high ) and off we went . It was early , and not many people were in the ER , so they took my mom in immediately and let both my sister and I go in with her . Normally only one family member is allowed in the ER with patients . Then we waited and waited and waited . The nurses came in and hooked my mom up to the monitors and IV . Questions were asked and reports written , then more waiting . I grabbed my smart phone and checked in on Facebook and noticed that an author I follow had posted the most hysterical article from the Huffington Post . I began reading it to my sister and we were both laughing so hard that I wasn 't speaking well due to laughing . My sister asked for the phone and she attempted to read the article . She began laughing so hard and then we were both crying . She finally asked me if we were laughing because the story was funny or because we were punchy . I said , " both " . The article was about a guy being arrested by Madison , Wisc . Police for drugs in a park . The guy had just recently legally changed his name to Beezow Doo - Doo Zoppitybop - Bop - Bop ! The article is hysterical and you can read it here . During our laughing fit , one of the nurses came in to run tests . My mom had blood work done , urine tested , CT scan , chest x - ray , EKG and her arteries checked . In the end , she was fine . No sign of stroke . The ER doctor said it could have been a small stroke known as TIA and said that they tend to heal themselves within 24 hours . Therefore , if she had that during the night , they wouldn 't be able to diagnose it , as they have to see it happening . Eight hours later , we were free to go . Came home and gave my mom a cup of coffee and some oatmeal . After she ate and had coffee , she went to bed and slept for several hours . She is doing fine now , thank God . Yesterday , a friend shared a link on my Facebook that once again had me laughing . Yes , Beezow Doo - Doo Zoppitybop - Bop - Bop reappeared in my life ! This time it was a little hysterical clip from the Jimmy Kimmel show . All I can say is that I really wish I could have seen the judge grant that name change . I wonder if he / she was able to keep a straight face ! I love how glamorous they were ! Whenever I see old pictures like this ( especially from war times ) I am always so amazed at how glamorous and put together people looked during the war and during a time when many things were rationed . How did they do it ? My mom in Canada , probably during the 1940s . She doesn 't recall the details of this picture and there is nothing written on the back . I do love it though and use it currently as my personal Facebook profile picture . I curated my second Etsy Treasury of the year . This one features members of another team I belong to called 247 Treasury Team . They are also a very supportive team , but they are all business . I like them very much , but don 't yet feel the same connection to the members as I do the EAWT Team . I started 2011 with two big whopping sales and ended with five . I really would like to do much better than that this year . I don 't think my items are hideous but maybe they 're not functional . On the other hand , a plastic mustache on a stick doesn 't seem functional either , yet it has been very popular on Etsy and people seem to buy things like that . Either , I am totally out of touch or I am out of touch ! I must be out of touch . I decided to participate tonight in my EAWT team treasury challenge . Here 's the treasury I created . Now lets see how many views , comments , and hearts I get . Maybe I 'll be lucky enough to be a finalist in the challenge ! But , the point of sharing this collection is so that you can see some really cool vintage or vintage inspired handmade items ! Check them out and maybe you 'll find something you really want or would like to give someone as a gift ( sorry but no plastic mustaches on a stick here ) . Posted by Some lovely guy flipped me off today in the Target parkng lot after I honked my horn at him . Go figure - I honked at him after he didn 't look or stop and just pulled out right in front of me . I seriously thought about chasing his sorry ass down , but , really didn 't want to WASTE the energy on such a jerk . Just said a silent " prayer " that someone returns the " nice treatment " to him . I start every new year feeling so optimistic and hopeful . I set goals and achieve some and some that are more realistic than others ! I have this goal to win a lottery . Well , maybe that isn 't so realistic , but it sure would be nice . It sure would help replace the income I 've lost in 2011 , especially now that I 've taken on being a caregiver for my mom . Well , as long as my mind is functioning , I shall continue to dream of the day I win BIG ! I did have a goal to travel to Illinois in 2011 , but things came up and that trip didn 't happen . I actually had that trip planned in 2010 , but didn 't make it then either . However , this is a new year and I have added the trip to my newly declared " 52 Things " ! This time , there is no pressure . If it doesn 't happen due to upcoming circumstances , I will not kick myself or feel disappointed . I turn 52 this year and have started a list of 52 things I want to do that I 've never done , and taking a trip to IL is one of them . I want to meet family in person and gather data and pictures and stories ! I want to go to the courthouses and check the records of my " famous " great grandmother , the notorious Effie Beck Cloos Roby ! She had quite the past . I want to find out how my grandparents Red and Lola met and when they married . I would LOVE to find pictures of Lola , as well as her sister Bessie and their father George Cloos , their mother Effie and so many others . This past Friday , December 30 , 2011 , we went to Palm Springs ( PS ) for our annual Christmas visit , dinner and gift exchange with good friends that are really family . Earlier this year , my dear friends purchased a new home on a golf course and we got to see the new pad . It was fabulous and so was the day and the visit . We drove around the country club and chatted , played dice , exchanged gifts and had good food and laughs . I made vegan lasagna and vegan German Chocolate Cake ! It was so good and rather decadent ! So that is now something I 've checked off the " 52 Things " list . For the cake , I used this wonderful recipe and the frosting was from Fatfreevegan ! Man , it was so good , and I say that as someone who long ago , lost interest in cakes . While we were in Palm Springs , I realized yet again , how much I love it there and have added a home in PS to my list of things to accomplish this year ! I LOVE Palm Springs . The vibe and the architecture speaks to me . I also love the lack of LA rat race that seems to surround the environment . As a kid , my family spent the week between Christmas and New Year in Palm Springs , so I have very happy memories of it ( and some very goofy old pictures that I 'll not share now ) . I am not one to like the heat but I can learn to deal with three months of " pain " in order to be in a place that calls my name . As always , the weather was fabulous at this time of year and the sky so beautiful . Once the sun went down , it got cold out . My mom enjoys watching Dr . Oz and while we were in PS , we turned that on for her . That episode featured chef Rocco DiSpirito 's Mushroom Lasagna and I thought it looked good , so yesterday , January 1 , I added that to my list of 52 Things and made a killer vegan version of it ! Two things now checked off my list ! I hadn 't ever made a " white " mushroom lasagna and decided to try it . It was fabulous . The picky eaters in my house really loved it . They thought the sauce seemed to be very " Alfredo " like . For the ricotta , I used the vegan tofu ricotta from the Skinny Bitch cookbook which I 've used for my " red " lasagna . Instead of mozzarella , I used Daiya Mozzarella and two 13 . 5 cans of mushrooms . I drained the mushrooms and added three teaspoons of corn starch to the liquid and whisked it together and added the mushrooms and liquid to the " ricotta " . I then sprayed a 13 " Pyrex and layered the no bake lasagna noodles , the " ricotta and mushroom " mixture , the Daiya and sliced black olives , covered with foil , and baked for about an hour , covered , at 350F . It tasted even better tonight ! My friends have adorable little furry children - a dog named Cody and a kitten named Chance . Their friend stopped by with his cute little puppy Raven and those little furry kids were running through the house , playing and chasing and rough housing and just entertaining my mom ! They even ran across her lap a few times and she thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it . It was a wonderful day . Yesterday was New Years Day , but it didn 't really seem like it because it was Sunday . I always associate New Years Day with the Rose Parade , but this weird old agreement , if you will , between the parade and the churches in the city , declared the parades would not happen if New Years Day fell on Sunday as that would keep the folks out of church . OK , the times have changed but not that strange agreement . So the parade happened today on January 2 . So , here 's to a fab new year ! Last year was tough , but I am looking forward to the new year . I plan to make it count and accomplish things this year so that I don 't just feel like a cog in a machine going through some kind of corporate motions . Yeah , I say that every year , so , here 's to this year being different . For you , I hope you have great success and prosperity and ask that you might even give my vegan recipes a try and let me know how it came out . I also hope you might participate in the " however many years " challenge and keep us posted here . You never know how your " thing " might inspire someone else ! Another year has come and gone . In fact , 2011 flew by ! As I reflected back on the year , I noticed something that I am terribly guilty of - lack of follow through . I started several paintings and tutorials that I never completed . I still have those incomplete paintings hanging around and the tutorial pictures on my camera . I even had a tutorial in my head that never came to life , so that can come to life at a later time . 2011 was a challenging year . My mom fell and broke her pelvis in March after many trips to the ER earlier in the year because of high blood pressure . Once her pelvis healed , she moved in . That has been an adjustment for all of us . The cats do love having her around because she eats turkey and they love that gamy smell . They also love sitting on her lap and sleeping curled up at her feet . They don 't like the fact though that she does rat them out when they misbehave ! My mom does have " chores " here that she likes doing - she folds the laundry and loads and empties the dishwasher . The evening I got busted emptying the dishwasher brought her great disappointment . I no longer empty it unless she is asleep ! And only if it really needs to be emptied due to mass quantities of dirty dishes that I don 't want to hand wash or have hanging out on the kitchen counter all night . The Thursday before my mom moved in ( she moved in on a Saturday ) I was frantically cleaning and trying to organize things and while putting laundry away and not watching where I was going , I ran into the cat scratching post , tripped and landed , face down on my dresser ! Lord have mercy . I felt the blood running down my face and ran to the bathroom . I could see my face already beginning to swell . I had two black eyes and looked like the beast from Beauty and the Beast , as the bridge of my nose rapidly expanded . Luckily , it was not broken , just fractured . My nose is still a bit sensitive I should add . I wonder how long this really will take to completely heal . In 2011 , my work hours were cut . I actually was cool with the part time hours as I have " full - time " work at home playing ( or at least attempting ) caregiver . I really believe the cut work hours helps with the care giving and my boss is truly amazing and understanding ! I 'm very lucky . Now to better organize my time so that I can make fabulous and functional screenprinted shirts and linens that will supplement my lost income . Hell , I 've got the artwork ready so what is stopping me ? Major car catastrophes also happened in 2011 ! I locked my keys in the car one Sunday and frantically tried to get them through the small window opening and failed miserably , getting a nasty bruise on my forearm . You can find that story here . My battery died at the post office in a 10 minute zone on a Saturday . I had taken my mom to her hair appointment and then ran to the post office to mail an Etsy order I had ! Package sign , sealed and mailed and the car wouldn 't start ! Ugh . I needed to pick my mom up and then we were going to our friends ' house for a fun Tupperware party . I called AAA and they sent a tow truck driver that had batteries with him and he replaced mine on the spot ! Driving home on the freeway from a doctor 's appointment my mom had one morning and I suddenly heard something weird and loud . It was my front tire . Blow out on the freeway ! Traffic was light so it was a breeze getting to the shoulder . Calling AAA and getting a tow truck there was a bit longer ! But , ultimately , I ended up needing three new tires . I was invited to join four Etsy teams this year and that has been a blast . I have been most active ( until recently ) with the Etsian Artists Working Together ( EAWT ) team . I really love that group ( although I have been bitchy on occasion with some of the members that tend to be non - responsive ) . I might just be bitchy in general , who knows ! I love the community feel of the teams and , especially , the EAWT as they are truly connected to one another ! They were my first Etsy team , for the most part super supportive and I am so happy to be amongst them ! However , if I don 't get back in the groove , they might banish me ! 2011 was the year I found my grandmother Lola ! That was huge . After two years of research and pretty much dedicating this blog to my search for her and what I 've learned about the " unknown " family , I found her . I also was also able to get the medical records that still exist on her . She was originally admitted to a state hospital in 1930 briefly for depression . Six years later , she was committed for the remaining 24 years of her life . She died exactly eight days before I was born and the doctor that wrote the justification for her commitment , was the same doctor that delivered me 24 years later ! The search was challenging because she was in the system , died , and was buried under a different name - Marie . That is still a mystery and something I am continuing to look into . Finding Lola was a huge goal , yet there are still so many unanswered questions . I kind of thought that once I found her , I 'd know all the answers and could neatly wrap up the story and be ready to go on the Oprah show . But , alas , I 'm not yet there . Good thing it is a new year and now I can have new goals for 2012 . Welcome and thanks for stopping by . I 'm Kris . I love drawing , painting , mixed media collage , printmaking , jewelry making and genealogy . I live in a house with four adorable cats ( hence the name ) . I am also searching for my paternal grandmother , Lola , and will document that search here .

TagsHobbies , love reading , on writing , read , school , Thoughts , Writing I 've been in a serious cleaning kick since last semester ended . I 'm sure everyone gets to that moment when they feel like they have too much shit cluttering every piece of space in their room / apartment . I 've thrown out clothes , old electronics , and - here 's the kicker , my peeps - I 've decided to throw out my old writing journals from middle school and high school . Blasphemy ! I know . I know . In a perfect world I would have endless amounts of space for all of my writings , but this is most definitely not a perfect world . My plan is to either type out what I 've written in the journals , or scan the pages into a folder to be saved . The work will not be lost forever ! To be quite honest … as I am rediscovering the things that I wrote 15 + years ago , I am kind of impressed by myself , hahaha . I 'd like to share a little bit with you from a notebook I was using in , goodness , probably eighth grade . Here it goes : Told in first - person narrative , the story begins with the mother explaining that she can no longer be held accountable for the things her young adult daughter does . The story begins with someone telling her that she must do something about her daughter 's behavior , and she listens while ironing . The narrator then starts running through all of the things that went gone wrong during her first child 's upbringing . After being left to raise her first daughter alone , our narrator had no choice but to send her away several times in hopes of a better chance at life . However , this backfires , resulting in her daughter developing many social and abandonment issues . The narrator accepts that she cannot change the past , remaining unapologetic . Yet , she marvels in the silver lining of what comes out of her daughter 's problems : comedy . Unlike I Stand Here Ironing , O ' Connor penned a mother - daughter relationship that isn 't perfect , but its imperfections make it hilarious . Mrs . Hopewell is an eternal optimist who has the pleasure of taking care of her cynical , college educated daughter . The story will make you laugh as it pokes fun at people who think they know everything just because they hold a degree . More than one time , the reader can easy imagine Mrs . Hopewell trying hard not to roll her eyes at her daughter 's nativity . Common sense wins over stubborn pretentiousness in this tale , and a wooden leg makes it no less interesting . O ' Connor , who was diagnosed with lupus at a young age , moved back in with her mother after completing her degree . The funny jabs and pokes between a mother and her child in many of her short stories is clearly the result of living with her family . The dynamic made for great reading material for us ! I don 't know if you can tell , but I 've run out of Bi - Weekly Book Recommendations ! Well , run out of the ones I had stored . This semester has been on a whole other level compared to my first one . I 've been stretched too thin ! Recommendations and a couple of short stories are coming your way in a few weeks . The semester is almost over , and I can 't wait to show you some of the work I did in my Fiction Writing Workshop . Most of the stories are themed , which can be a bit of fun when working on one 's writing skills . It will also be fun to see if you can guess what the theme is . ( I 'll tell you in a separate post from the story . Give you some time to think what it might be . ) ( PS / I am happy to receive any emails from fans . In fact , I am overjoyed . However , if you send me emails requesting things , ask a friend or neighbor or colleague take a look at it before you send it . Ask them if the things you are requesting are ludicrous and offensive . Chances are , if you have to ask , they probably are both of those things . ) I 'm kind of obsessed with Bigfoot documentaries , if you can 't tell . They are how I spend my Friday nights . It can get wild . So I guess what I am trying to say is … I have no idea where I came up with the idea for the story . I do watch Bigfoot documentaries all the time , and sometimes over and over again . I got to thinking one night , as I lay in bed unable to sleep , why would a species try so hard to evade humans ? The story snowballed from there , shaping its way into the memorandum . I think I may expand upon it later , but for now , I am pleased . The rest of our last day together Phil showed me over and over again how to write on a lap top , and how to change the batteries . Of which he brought 7 extra . I thanked the only friend I 'd ever known , and watched him limp out of the woods to his blue pick - up truck on a breezy autumn day , the setting sun silhouetting his form . That was many years ago . The sobs and howls still creep up on me from time to time . I am on my last battery now , so it was time I write this all down . When my time comes , I will carry the lap top with me to a place I know my body will be found . My hope is that by finding and studying me , humans will finally understand who and what I am . And hopefully come to understand , as Phil and I did a long time ago : Do not fear or hate or hunt the unknown ; care , and we might not be strangers anymore . TagsHobbies , read , short stories , Thoughts , Writing , writings I was no longer alone . No matter how long it took Phil to return to the cabin , I knew he would be back . In between visits , on days when I had excessive energy , I would explore the forest of my childhood . Stalking through the trees , I 'd watch birds flutter as they chirped their songs , the grounded animals skitter away at the sound of my footsteps . It was a game for a long time . How long would it take this animal or that to hear me creep up behind them ? Their reactions used to send me into hysterics . The " I 've been caught ! " moment of terror followed immediately by " Run ! Run for your life , fool ! " Only once did a tiny critter collapse . Waiting a few minutes to see if the creature would wake up and run away , I held my breath . When he didn 't move , I picked him up so he could be buried in an appropriate place . I 'd never felt so bad , and I cried as I dug the tiny grave . When the hole was deep enough , I turned just in time to see the damn thing roll over on its legs and trot away from view into the woods . On days when I felt a little lazy I 'd read the latest books Phil had left for me . My favorite author is Charles Dickens . His books take me a long time to read , and are always filled with so much dread . But I must say they are well worth it when you get to the end . Hopefully he is well liked by human kind as well . I save the science fiction and theory magazines for the days when my spirit is low . Phil brings them by the box full . Those magazines are what gave me the idea to coin the name ' Gorilla - Men ' for my species ; purely comical . Not to brag , but Gorilla - men are featured in almost all of them . The stories you humans come up with are hilarious ! One man swore he witnessed a Gorilla - man with the head of a horse - ape hybrid . And apparently we smell horrible . I chose to be amused instead of offended . I have never in my existence come in contact with any other human other than Phil , who had warned me greatly against it . And as far as I am concerned , there are no more of my kind left . But it is charming how humans use their imagination . I admire it , truly . When his children had grown up and his wife was content , Phil dedicated his time to search for more of my kind , which accounted for the longer absences . I never asked him to , he just volunteered . Convinced it was a dead end , I tried to talk him out of it . The idea that I not be alone was important to him , especially later in his life . I suspect he knew about his cancer earlier than when he shared the woeful news with me . Phil searched as many forests as he could , with no results , before the day he told me he couldn 't come back . By this time I was a fully grown gorilla - man at seven feet tall , but that didn 't stop either of us from crying . No more of my own kind , and the memory of a very skinny shadow of the man I knew as Phil . I was about to be alone again . TagsHobbies , read , short stories , Thoughts , Writing , writings Sick to my stomach from berries and leaves , I ventured to a stream not large enough to carry me away in the current , but big enough to have copious amounts of fish . While splashing around in the icy water , attempting to grab a slippery fish , I was suddenly startled by a loud gasp . The noise caused me to jerk my head in its direction . A middle aged man , ( hu - man , not gorilla - man ) , stood gaping at me on the bank . Fully clothed , he held a wooden chair in one hand , a fishing pole rod in the other . Not knowing how to react to a sighting , and tired of being alone , my little body remained where it was , the water lapping up my bare waist . At this point I should mention that pre - pubescent Gorilla - men are not as hairy as a fully gown one . For the most part I could have passed for a hairier - than - normal , dirty human child from a distance . However , at the distance this man was , there was no doubt my prominent brow and abnormally shaped muscles were noted . A few minutes passed before I broke my parents ' second rule : Do not ever speak to a human . I called out to him . The first rule obviously being to remain unseen . A rule I had clearly already broken . Here I stress the importance of our similar functions . We are able to speak . Our voices come out growly and throaty , but I assure you I can speak English . My parents also spoke a native Canadian tongue , of which I don 't know a single word . It wasn 't always this way , but the world has changed a great deal in a small amount of time . I could not tell you how my ancestors learned languages , all I know is this is how my parents spoke . I merely followed . If I remember correctly , the first thing I said was " Go - od d - ay . " The bearded man placed the chair gently on the dirt , laid the fishing pole beside the chair , then held out his hands in front of him , as if to stop something charging towards him . Slowly he crept closer to the water 's edge . " Are you ooo - kay ? " he asked me . From that moment on , until the day he died , I had a friend . I have no intention of betraying this man 's identity . That is his own . But for sake of the reader , I will call him Phil . Phil 's father had built a cabin deep in the woods when he was young . No one had lived in it for years , so Phil had used it to store his fishing gear . Only visiting on the rare occasions he was able to fish . In that cabin was where he taught me fluent English , and how to read . Writing wasn 't something that was possible with my dexterity , but in our own unique , and sometimes funny way , we bonded . From teacher to pupil , father to son , friend to friend . Can I tell you how much easier it is to catch a fish with a fishing pole , even without proper hand strength ? TagsHobbies , read , short stories , Thoughts , Writing , writings It is time the world knew the truth about me . I have been called by many names : skoomcoom , ts ' emekwes , stiyaha , Yeti , Sasquatch , and to my great annoyance , Bigfoot . The obvious thing to assume is that a large creature , such as myself , will need properly sized feet to stably balance my body weight . But I digress . My name is Melem , given to me by my parents , and I am coming close to the end of my time on this planet . As learned as such a being can be , I have decided to donate my body to your science so that you may understand me , more than perhaps I myself do . But before I do , it is important to tell you a brief history of my life . Viewing a life from all angles is key to actually understanding it . The beginning of my account starts with my parents . Mother and Father are the only names I knew them by . They had met late in life on the northwest border of Canada , near the Yukon River . Dreaming of warmer weather to raise their offspring , they migrated south to Washington . The state , that is . The reason my parents met so late in their lives is simply because , as far as either of them knew , they were the last of our species . Being extremely close to the human species , where genetics are concerned , our kind also has trouble procreating the older we become . After many attempts , I was born to my adoring parents near their end . Both Mother and Father taught me as much as they could about life , and the world around us . How to find shelter and keep it hidden . How to feed one 's self in different terrains and climates . And , most importantly was how to stay invisible to the world of humans . We Gorilla - men live long lives , similar to some modern humans . Possibly even a bit longer , but not quite as long as a tortoise . Upon examining my body , you may learn more about why that is . Could be the way we are built , or our all natural diet , I am not entirely certain . Obviously we don 't have calendars . I base these assumptions on the stories my mother and father told me , as well as my experience on this earth . The change in man seen from afar is the best way for my kind to judge time . A building known as " Smith 's Tower " opened the year my father passed . My mother held on for as long as she could , but slipped away soon after . If the short amount of time without my father was hard to bear , it was nothing compared to being completely alone . How does one even begin to describe the devastating , crushing emotions of being the last of something , anything , along with the loss of both parents ? Stomach wrenching sobs mixed with high pitched howls echoed through the woods for months on end . I remained , and still remain , in the shelter my parents built . Every call , every swish , every hoot in the night spooked me for months after their passings . ( No , I am not nocturnal . I am just really good at evading humans . ) Hunting and foraging were the toughest parts to get used to . Countless times I had trailed behind my parents while gathering leaves or catching fish , the only animal we eat . Never had I done these things on my own . Written by yours truly , a short story by the name of " Gorilla - Man : A Memorandum " is making its way to the Sidney blog . Depending on how long it is , ( cause I forgot , haha ) , the story will either be in two or three parts . Either way , I plan on putting all parts up in the same week , instead of spacing it out over several . After the story was rejected by a great number of scifi and fantasy magazines , I decided to share it with the people who enjoy reading what I post . If you 're a long time follower , I hope you can see some advancement in my writing skills . End " downer " paragraph here . In another exciting turn of events , I was thrown into a fiction workshop class last minute , so I 'll have new material to post more consistently . I know I promised everyone a serial fiction this year , and it WILL happen , but I need more time . If a fiction workshop works the way I think it does , I 'll be able to have enough material to carry us through while the serial novel is finished .

Two men in the story of David listed back to back right next to each other both got tired of running , fought it out , and won . 2 Sam 23 : 9 - 12 These are different battles , similar circumstances , when everyone else was running , they stood their ground one to the point of exhaustion , one defending a field of beans , both brought about a great victory . It was great because it wasn 't just for them , everyone they were in relationship with benefited . David , the man they fought with had done it too . When other 's were scared and ran , he did not . 1 Samuel 17 tells the story , my favorite verse is 57 when after it was all over and late in the day he was still carrying the head of the much larger man he killed , he didn 't want anyone to forget it was him who killed him , that it was him who turned the battle , that it was him who went for it when no one else would . It worked , because though the King Loved David ( 1 Sam 16 : 21 ) he didn 't know much about him even though he was his armer bearer and his personal musician . After he killed Goliath Saul wanted to know more than his name , he wanted to know who he was , where he was from , asking twice whose son he was . When you stop running and start fighting , when you defend what you have you bring about great victory . There 's prep work for sure , you watch the sheep , you stay committed , you practice with your weapons . You defend the flock , you kill a bear , you kill a lion . More than that you get the sheep back . The prep work for greatness happens because you do what is in front of you . You eat what is on your plate . Little by little you work through your stuff , you watch , you act , you learn , you grow . Conor Mcgregor a UFC fighter is an is a fantastic example to be aspired to in many ways of doing the work , taking the steps , living the life , working hard , valuing himself , loyalty to his team , his family , his country . There seems to be a lot of hate out there for him because of his trash talk , but it 's not trash talk , rather it 's truth telling . He 's a great fighter , and he keeps proving it , he keeps rising , he keeps getting paid , he keeps showing up , doing what he said he would do , his words articulate the journey . You have to love the confidence , the dedication , the masculinity of this man who has come from low places and yet can speak at a level above the highly educated . Conor is my guy , if he doesn 't do it for you , find your own . Find a man that speaks to you , that makes your heart burn , that connects to the places deep with in you . You don 't need just one , find many . It 's good to look up to people , it 's healthy , you rise with them and you learn and pull from their lives . Whether an athlete , a businessman , a speaker , an eccentric , musician , adventurer , artist , world leader , writer , a simple godly man that lives a quiet life , an activist , reformer , visionary , scholar , billionaire , tradesman , who ever he is , let him teach you something , let him help you become a better man , let him inspire you . Championships dynasty teams have men on them that are more worried about winning than the money they make to play . Tom Brady could be making triple what he is , Julian Edelman at least double , Steph Curry at least Double … the real money is in the rings . It 's delayed gratification because when they win they make up of for the lost $ in endorsements . These selfless men have more fun , enjoy the game more , the comradery is real , they live with purpose , and have the trophies on the shelf because they took less so others could get paid more . This makes champions . Men wait . They wait for the right woman , the right business deal , the right home , the right friends , the right opportunity . Boys want it now . Benedict Arnold left what would have been a great legacy and defected to the British over money . He wanted to get paid , and get paid now . If he would have waited he would have gotten it all , instead , he lost everything , his name synonymous with traitor . It 's more than just being a warrior . Be the man that is wise enough to wait and get around men that cheer for you when you do . Be ok with the delay , greatness is on the way . Learn how to wait for it and go after it at the same time . I have been called crazy many times , but it 's not true . I am of sound mind , edgy yes , crazy , no . I have done a lot of things in life , dangerous things , but the risks were calculated , I went in prepared , half scared , half excited , I came out each time bruised but not broken . In fact I 've never broken a bone , cracked a few , torn cartilage , many pulled muscles but never hospitalized . I will win most scar contests , I have 28 beauties and counting . I credit my many near misses to long list of scare stories . My grandparents were great at these , ran through the whole family , my dad was especially good at them . My first 25 years of life was spent on a farm around a ton of equipment and livestock that could kill you . Many of our friends had missing fingers , toes , arms , and legs . Many didn 't survive . Crushed by a tractor , drowned in a manure pit , head blow off by a riser under to much pressure , many accidents in heavy fog , men crushed under a load of peaches , men made into hamburger by a PTO shaft , loggers done for by snapping cables , ATV roll overs , chemical poisonings , electrocutions , propane explosions , bull gorings . It was and is a dangerous vocation . From an early age I have heard these stories , they keep me safe . I can 't tell you how many times we drove over this bridge near our house and my dad would tell me of the high school classmate of his that jumped off into shallow water and spent the rest of his life in a wheel chair . I love to cliff and bridge jump , I do it all the time . The stories don 't stop me , but they make me know for sure that it 's deep enough , every time , 100 % of the time . One of the many beautiful things about ManAlive is that we 're doing life right in the middle of a bunch of brutal scare stories . There are successes every where , so beautiful they will make you cry , but there are failures too , costly mistakes . When they happen , we all learn . When you are doing life with other men , sitting in a small group , hearing the stories , the good , the bad , and the ugly , you learn . Someone else 's stupid makes you smart . You feel the severity of the consequences of an affair , the cost of dishonesty , the destruction of passivity , anger , sin , haste , procrastination , unforgiveness , fear , lack of discipline . When you see the effects , it wakes you up , it helps you make correct decisions . Scare stories make you wise . You only get to hear these stories when you are in relationship . When you are connected and invested you feel their pain , it 's not just some news article you read , you 're involved and it sears your memory . A wise man has many counselors so get deep into relationship . Let them love you , heal you , teach you , and protect you . Don 't be fear the scare stories , rather look for them , embrace them , and let them help you live both humble and human . For years I couldn 't dream . I couldn 't laugh . I couldn 't cry and I could barely feel . Life required so much from me , I didn 't know how to do it . I was lost , hurting , and messing up . In 2012 , I described myself as a booster rocket . I would expend all I had , burn up as I pushed my family up and away from all the crap I had grown up with . I would launch them and fall back to earth , spent and wasted . It had a noble ring to it and reeked of self pity . There was hope for them but not for me . During the fall of 2013 , I heard Dave Stevenson speak . This man got up and shared deeply and passionately about his process , his shame and pain , but he spoke with a confidence and hope that stirred me . Is it true . . how did he get there ? Screw it ! If Dave Stevenson could do it , so could I . Two weeks later I joined a group at ManAlive . And … . life actually got harder before it got better . As I faced my issues and quit running from difficulty and pain , I was feeling more hurt than ever before . It sucked . I yelled at God . I pouted and went on long walks . I did my homework . I fought with my wife . I journaled a bunch trying to find words for my pain . The grind was not fun and part of me wanted to quit . Was it worth it ? I would not have continued without seeing men like Dave Stevenson , Eli Leedy , and others crushing it week after week . Even their failures modeled a life wide open and alive . Their stories were hope for me and still are . Hope that this process was temporary and that I could actually win . Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him . Jesus had hope in the coming joy that allowed him to dig in and endure . I started grabbing on to the hope that the guys shared in the room . I could endure this present pain because I saw them push through into something more . There was more here than not messing up . I saw men starting their own companies . Other fellows were getting pay raises and promotions because they were no longer passively plugging along in their jobs . Relationships improved and even marriages restored . I saw dudes going after big dreams and coming fully alive . Who doesn 't want to ride a motorcycle across the country , or run with the bulls , or write a novel ? I saw men do amazingly well in diffiStep Off the Cliff We don 't hunt men down at ManAlive . We don 't evangelize it like we do for people to know God . Our evangelism is living a life that other men envy . A marriage where we are fully in love with our wives and are able to make them feel alive because of how easily we give to them . Our wives actually trust us and respect us because we are trustworthy respectable men . We are fathers that other men want to be . We are not afraid of our kids or their mistakes . We are not afraid of talking to them about purity because we are walking in freedom and we have so much to give away . We have friendships that are enviable . Men who would lay down their lives for each other . We are men who feel deeply , cry often and cry well . We are men who protect the weak and who do not run from conflict . We take ownership and create change . We know how to communicate because we are in touch with our needs and emotions and we are okay even if someone is not okay with us . We love much because we have been forgiven much . We don 't hunt men down because we don 't work harder on other peoples problems than they do . One of the most common traits in an addicted man is passivity . Passive men are always looking for someone else to make their decisions , fight their battles and ultimately for someone else to make them better . If they don 't choose to humble themselves , then they can 't be helped . If they don 't choose to make a decision for themselves , they can 't be helped . When you walk through those doors , you are doing so because you need it . There is no coddling , swaddling or diaper changing going on here . If you want friends you must pursue them . You must give time and honesty . If you want sobriety you must be willing to sacrifice and work hard . If you want freedom you must choose to never give up and never give in to hopelessness . When you come to ManAlive , we treat you like men because that 's who you are . It 's who you are becoming . Boys don 't become men at their mothers breast . Boys become men when they step off the cliff , trusting God in relationship with other men . This is what I was taught and what I thought was normal . Guys don 't cry , they aren 't emotional . That 's a moody woman thing . The reality is all these emotions kept coming , and I kept cramming them down and shutting them up . As I shoved them away , bit by bit , I lost the ability to cry , to feel , to articulate what I was feeling and connect on an emotional level with anybody around me . Unless it was sports , then I could be as emotional as I wanted , that was OK . What was worse ; exploding into a fit of rage . Basically , I was emotionally constipated and it was isolating me . ManAlive taught me that the feelings are real , important , and a bigger part of my well being and life than I ever imagined . Emotions were driving many of my unwanted behaviors . Not only that , but my inability to connect with myself inhibited my ability to connect with anybody and that was making things worse . Every week I got a chance to share in group . To focus on what I was feeling and to practice saying it . But I needed more . Decades of emotions were not going to open up in a 5 minute share once a week . It 's a good start , but I was ready and needed more . A friend of mine at work came across an exercise by Dr . Doug Weiss in his emotional fitness book that worked great and I wanted to share it . It 's pretty simple . You get a list of emotions , or a feeling wheel , and take three emotions each day . Connect with the emotion , try to feel it . How does your body respond ? When was the first time you ever felt it ? You then look your buddy straight in the eye , and tell him . It can be funky at first but that 's the point . Here is an example : I feel frustrated when I don 't do well at work despite my efforts . When I 'm frustrated my chest and forehead get tight and my muscles tense up . The first time I felt frustrated was in 3rd grade , we had just moved , and my new school had already started cursive , but my old school hadn 't . I was put in a remedial class and I felt frustrated . I looked my friend in the eye , and did three of those in a row . It took several weeks as we worked through the list of emotions . Had the best cry of my life a few months after we started . There is something powerful in the sharing and connection . But if you can 't share with a trusted friend , then journal it . Seriously , do three a day . Write it down just like I did above and work through all the emotions you can . Every little bit is good . You have to break up the years of constipation . This exercise was a powerful emotional laxative for me . Hope it helps . Teaching Guys in the room that are not married , dating or not : your physical intimacy with a woman should never surpass your level of commitment . If you 're unaware of these levels , here 's a quick guide : holding hands , kissing and cuddling = exclusively dating ; boobs , butts and genital enjoyment = marriage . The reason is simple . Physical intimacy that surpasses your equal level of commitment takes the same mental , emotional and spiritual path as porn . It 's selfish , short - term gratification that requires no sacrifice . You will wind up marrying your level of health . So if you aren 't sober , I don 't suggest looking right now because you have the wrong lens on . Basically , you have beer goggles on . Sobriety clears the fog so that you can see more clearly . You can see more clearly who you are and what you need . When you are acting out regularly or semi - regularly , you are attempting to fill needs in an unhealthy way . Men who are regularly acting out , are men who don 't fully know or understand what they need and therefore , don 't know how to get those needs met in a healthy way . Naturally , when you see a pretty girl , you think , " This is what I need . " In fact , most guys will become " Sober " after meeting the girl of their dreams and that seems like proof to them that this girl is exactly what they needed . They don 't need porn and masturbation for the first time because they this girl is filling all of these voids and it 's awesome . The only problem is that you are going to suck the life out of her because her filling all these holes in your life so completely ( or so it feels ) is so temporary . The " in love " feeling is a bonding one and it 's necessary but its not forever . When I first started dating my now wife , I remember thinking , " I never want to lose these feelings of passion and crazy intensity , " because I felt full for the first time in my life and I wanted it forever . I raged against people who told me that I couldn 't have that . But that crazy intensity can become co - dependence in a hot second because she was never meant to fill all of you , all of the time . The unsober man is vacuum looking for something to meet his needs and an attractive woman seems to have the sustenance that will finally fill the void . The only way for a relationship to be healthy is when it has two whole people who aren 't relying on each other to fill the God need , to fill the friendship need , to fill the adventure need , to fill the self - love need , the confidence need , the passion need , the purpose need and the list goes on . A wife is supposed to touch all of those places but she is not supposed to completely fill them . Mark recently proposed an idea that was revolutionary to me . He said , " No one man should or truly can fill the entire pie of your fathering needs . You need multiple men who can fill a slice of the pie . " This is true of every relational need . No one has the capacity or capability to be everything to you . Your wife is only a piece of the pie . She is not the whole thing and the sooner you realize that the sooner you stop bleeding her dry or becoming bitter at her for not being what you thought you needed . This is what I did with my wife . I wasn 't sober when I got married . I didn 't start going to men 's group until my 3rd year of marriage and leading up to getting married , I was masturbating a lot and porning out at least once every three months , and " accidentally " " stumbling " upon questionable material at least weekly . I didn 't know what my needs were and therefore , after I got married , I became bitter with my wife . I was so confused that all these things I use to love about her were becoming things I despised . I never laughed at her jokes anymore . I didn 't find her adventurous nature endearing , I found her conversation habits annoying , I resented her asking me about what I wanted to do with my future , I rejected her displays of affection . Why ? These were all reasons I married her . I used to love these things . Here 's why . Those were all things I needed and truly did love about her , but she was not fulfilling me like she seemed to do when we were dating and I thought she was supposed to . It angered me that I was not happy even though she had all these things . I aimed my dissatisfaction and my inability to feel full at her . I 've been in men 's group for 5 years now and over that time I 've begun to understand the dysfunction and lies I was living my life under . I 've not only recognized those , but I 've pointed myself in the direction of health . I 've sought out relationships , shared my deepest , darkest shame , pursued the Lord , made a thousand phone calls , put up boundaries and faced fears . In all of this , I started recognizing my needs and how to get them met long before running on empty . I 'm beginning to love my wife and children out of an overflow of life that I feel from the fullness I 'm experiencing rather than out of discipline and necessity . My wife is no longer my source . She is one of many sources and because of that , she finally gets to be the recipient of a husband that is fully alive and free to fully love her . We come to group for us , because it 's good for us , it 's good for our family and everyone we 're in relationship with . Because we take care of ourselves we are able to help others out of that place and it is not draining , rather it 's life giving . Pretty cool set up . On Monday nights we 're around men that are getting better all the time . Men that are crying that have never cried . Men that are talking that have never communicated openly . Men that are learning how to touch that have never been touched appropriately , Men that are learning how to feel . It 's so very fun , I mean what else would we rather be doing ? Not much really , besides exactly what we want to do … . and wow , that helps men too because we 're doing what brings us life and we 're able to pass it along with out effort , so very cool . Once you get in a small group , sober up , and figure out what is going on you can begin to help other men because you are now farther along than some . Helping other men get better is satisfying , it 's a constant helpers high . Feels so good help people and as you move along , as you get better , you keep going deeper . Sobriety turns into freedom and you start working on other areas of your life and able to help other men in their marriage , their family , their finances . Wait , …… isn 't this a stop looking at porn group ? Yes , that is where we start , but once you 're past that all the fun stuff kicks in . It doesn 't end because there is always better , there is a deeper level of freedom , it is on going radical self improvement . The dead are raised every Monday night , not just then but every day of the week because it 's not a program , it 's not a ministry , it 's a lifestyle . Everything you ever wanted is just on the other side of the sin you have been stuck in , many of you for decades . What are you waiting for ? If you live here in Redding come to group immediately , if you don 't , move here . If you can 't , join an online group . Get out of that casket you 've been living in and dance . The God you have been reading about in the bible is real , so very real . Everything he has said is true , everything you have done is redeemable , it will fix , it will be better than you ever thought possible , you will live the life you couldn 't even dream about before . Its there for you , it 's here for you . Come and get it , come and take it . You are Robin Hood , and many poor will be fed from your future deeds . You have been weak , but you will defend the weak . You have been poor , but you will prosper and give generously . You have been in fear , but you will live courageously . You have been alone , but you will have true community , and real honest intimate friendships . You have been passive , but you will become aggressive . You have been late , but you will be early . You have lived in depression , but you will be happy . You have lived a constant lie , but you will live honestly , openly , and sleep like a baby . Where you are weak , you will become strong . Repeat after me : " I am audacious " say it again " I am audacious " This is you , if you were a fighter pilot it would be your call sign . in your future you will be able to see what others cannot , dream dreams that others cannot dream , accomplish things others cannot . You will believe they are true , you will see it , you will run after it and others will follow . What you have been that is not desirable you will leave behind and take only the good with you . You are purging , moving on , settling into a new you . You are audacious . You will soon come to the place of supreme confidence so that you will speak like David spoke in Psalms 17 : 15 I will see you because have done no wrong and when I awake your presence will fill me with joy . Or like Psalms 18 : 20 The Lord rewards me because I do what is right , he blesses me because I am innocent . What ? Innocent ? I do no wrong ? I don 't get it ? … . . David sinned , he killed his friend , he lied , he was passive with his children , he had sex with another mans wife . What 's is going on here ? How can he say that ? I 'll tell you how , because David knew he was forgiven , he had received grace , he had walked it out , embraced the discipline and his God , and finished well . 21 years ago I was a caretaker in British Columbia and was given a chain saw as a going away present , a Husqvarna 257 air injection . I 've never had a problem with it , starts and runs like a champ . In the first half of our relationship together it cut upwards of 8 cords a year to keep us warm . We 've lived through desperate times together , in cold country , under harsh circumstances . It 's been my friend , my therapist , & companion . It feels good in my hand , I like the sound of it screaming in my ears , the smell of the mixed gas , the bar oil , the saw dust . For several years we lived in a one bedroom shack in the woods , we had chickens , the house was fed by a natural spring , but it had no insulation so we burned a lot wood . I almost always cut wood when I 'm in pain , I cut wood to get out of the house , to get outside , to get my head right . I need the wood , but I need what getting the wood does for me more . The sound of that saw is the sound of healing to me . For years in the rain I worked through mountains of rejection , regret , hurt , injustice , and disappointments . I didn 't pray through it , I worked through it , one cord at a time . I 'd save the splitting to help me work through the anger . It feels good to bring that big maul down and break up big rounds , nothing like it . I help men heal , it 's what I do . I know what they need , and more often than not it 's a chain saw , a shovel , a hammer , a wheel barrow , a trawl . I don 't counsel men , I work with them and we talk . I rarely meet for lunch or coffee but I do like to meet up while digging a ditch , planting a trees , fixing something , or burning brush . When you work with a man , you get to know him . You sweat together , you feel the project , your moving , you see how he thinks , you gain respect for each other , you get something done . I have felt some of the most intense emotion of my life out running that saw , I 've had it out with God on the most extreme levels in the woods with it by my side . I have worked until exhaustion set in because I didn 't know what else to do , I 've wept with that saw in my hand . It 's made me feel powerful , and it 's broken me . I 've bled with it ( literally ) on many occasions . I am generous in loaning out my possessions , but not my saw . I care for it , sharpen it , keep the mix right , the oil full , the filter clean , I chain it up when I go on vacation . There are many like it , this one is mine . We 're as close as something with out a heart beat can be . Someday when it dies I will mount it on my wall , when people ask why , I will tell them , and we 'll feel it together . I ran the Husqvarna today , it felt good and once again it helped heal me . That saw has been a gift that has kept on giving . Find a saw , find a forrest , find yourself . Our faith is foundational , good counselors are a gift , friends are essential , but sometimes you just need a chainsaw . SubscribeReceive email updates and new blog notificationsLeave Blank : Do Not Change : Your email : This information is secure and will not be shared New Book Available NOW ! This is a book of dos , not don ' ts that lays out a plan of action to kill every area of passivity and compromise in your life . ManAlive raises the dead and heals the sick , and we start with ourselves . Here you will gain the tools and strategy not to manage your behavior , but to position yourself for radical transformation , to find what you really need - what brings you alive - and how to get it .

My Name is Aryan . I am a tall , handsome bachelor 26 yrs of age and live in Mumbai in a flat on the 6th floor . The flat is provided to me by the software company for which I work . I had furnished it tastefully as I am paid very well by the company . Next to my flat lives Yash , a 25 year old man who is also working for some MNC . Over the past few months we had become quite friendly as he was also a bachelor and we shared almost the same timings . We used to hang out on our off days or shared a drink sometimes . I maintain a well stacked bar at my flat with choicest liquor . We share the same tastes but he was not as well paid as I am . He then got married three weeks back . I went to his marriage which was a simple affair with family and few friends invited . The girl was from Gujrat and her name was Pooja . Now Pooja was the kind of girl anybody could fall for . She was exceptionally beautiful , 20 years of age , fair , about 5ft . 5 " slim , medium hair , big innocent eyes and a figure to kill . She had medium sized boobs about 32 - 33 " , slim waist about 25 " , and a beautiful ass . Her smile was infectious and when she laughed , there was a tinkle in her voice with a set of perfect teeth to add to her beauty . I thought , Yash is really a lucky guy to have her as a wife . He introduced me to her as his best friend and she talked to me sweetly for some time before getting busy with marriage party . Now after the marriage they went to Goa on honeymoon for about a week . When they returned back , I helped them with moving some things to the flat . Yash also sought my help in furnishing the house as he liked my choice and trusted me completely . After few days I hosted a dinner for them at my flat and ordered an exotic cuisine complete with Veuve Clicquot imported Champagne . Both were dressed casually for the occasion . Yash was in jeans and T - shirt while Pooja was dressed in a knee length lemon green summer - dress that accentuated her beautiful figure to perfection . She looked stunning and very sexy . I asked Yash to open the Champagne and he obliged readily . I offered both of them some champagne . At first Pooja declined politely , but after some insistence from me and Yash , agreed to try some . We had a beautiful time with all three of us loosening and laughing . Yash became a little tipsy after a few drinks . He was always like that . I think he was a beginner or an occasional drinker and had much less stamina than me . He cracked a few lewd jokes which made Pooja a bit uncomfortable but as the evening wore on she also started enjoying the company and also had a few innocent but naughty jokes to tell . We had a good dinner with some Red Lambrini the Italian red wine and by the time we finished Yash was feeling sleepy . He lay down on the sofa in my drawing room and started watching TV . Pooja helped me in clearing the dishes and I built quite a rapport with her . I told her that I was not as lucky as Yash and said that I will have to wait a little longer to get a life partner as beautiful as her . She smiled shyly to this and continued doing the dishes . She complimented me on my tastes and appreciated my choice of exotic things in my flat . When we came back to the drawing room we found Yash in deep sleep and snoring lightly . We both laughed and Pooja tried to wake him up but he was in a deep trance . I asked Pooja to let him stay there and said that I would send him back as soon as he woke , but she replied that she was afraid of being alone in the house and asked me to help her in picking and leaving Yash to their flat . I felt an electric sensation at the touch of her soft skin but she was oblivious to all this . Yash was quite heavy so we had to partially drag him to his flat . She opened the flat and the taking Yash 's arm again helped me drag him to the bedroom . As we were laying him on the bed , I saw the most wonderful scene of my life . Pooja was bending and adjusting Yash on the bed . Behind her was the dressing table with a full length mirror ( which I had chosen for them ) . As I was getting up after laying Yash down on the bed , I saw that Pooja was still bending , apparently making Yash comfortable on bed . One of her knees was on the bed and other foot on the floor . I could see down the top of her summer dress . Her perky firm boobs were seen clearly on the top of her green demi bra . They were milky white , blemish less and as I looked further I saw that her summer dress had risen up at the back and I could see the creamy flesh of the back of her thighs in the mirror behind her . I immediately had a hard on . She was not aware that I was looking as she was also slightly tipsy and she continued to adjust Yash , giving a pillow under his head . I went to the kitchen to bring out dishes . Pooja came after me and offered to help lay down the table . I thanked her and said she need not trouble herself as I would only take a minute . But she was adamant and started laying the dishes on the table . As she was laying the table & humming to herself , I eyed her beautiful ass from the kitchen . She smiled shyly and said " Do you want me to get drunk ? I Have never had any alcohol in my life until I got married . Then Yash asked me to try some champagne in Goa and that was my first time . " " Do you think I would go to all this trouble for that ass " I joked and we both laughed . " Seriously how did you like the food ? " I asked " Truly amazing ! I have never been treated so beautifully in my life " she replied . She sounded a little tipsy . For a moment our eyes met and then she lowered hers . " So you drink coffee too ! I thought you were only into wines and vodkas " She said smiling . " But no thanks I would better be going as the coffee would keep me awake the whole night and that is not a very pleasant thought when I am all alone " I was unable to sleep for a long time as I thought about my sexy neighbor . I really wanted to make love to her . I wanted to make her feel like a princess and knew that she would love the way I would treat her . I thought what an ass I had been to miss such great opportunity of having her when her husband was away . I felt no guilt what so ever as I was obsessed with Pooja 's beauty . Meanwhile the rain outside increased into a thunderstorm & I lay there thinking of a plan to get her into my bed . I thought , I still had one day as Saturdays are off in our company . As I lay there thinking of seducing my beautiful neighbor , there was a powerful thunderclap outside and suddenly the lights went out . She took a few sips and we went back to the drawing room . It was pitch dark save for the light from flashlight which was also not very bright . She was walking in front of me and then only I realized that she was barefoot and wearing a short yellow negligee , that reached just upto her mid thighs and from what I could see in that light , it was a bit diaphanous . It was probably a gift from Yash . " Aryan I am really very scared and I can not go back . There is no light in my flat and I am frightened of these thunderstorms . " Pooja said tearfully clasping her hands in her lap . She was sitting at the edge of sofa . " Don 't worry dear " I said , " You can stay here for as long as you wish . " I then sat down besides her on the carpet . From the position that I was sitting , her milky white thighs were very near to my face and I could smell the soft fragrance of some lotion . " I am afraid , this doesn 't look so good " I said . " Why don 't you sleep here ? You can sleep in the guestroom . " I helped her in lying down on the sofa . She looked so innocent and sexy in her short nighty . My hand accidentally touched her thigh . It was so soft and tender . Ah ! What would I give to have her in my bed ? But I did not want to take her without her wish . As she closed her eyes , I got the courage to look at her completely in that dim light . Her angel like face was calm , hair spreading on her shoulders , her boobs were rising and falling slowly with each breath . I could make out a hint of nipple through her thin nighty and deduced that she was not wearing a bra . The nighty had risen on her thighs and it now covered only upto her upper thighs . Any further and I would have been able to see her panties . Slowly she started to go into deep sleep . Probably the relief , tiredness and alcohol were taking their effects . She started snoring softly . I too closed my eyes and tried to control my emotions . Suddenly there was a very loud thunderclap , as if a bomb had exploded nearby . Pooja screamed loudly and suddenly got up from the sofa . The flash light had long gone dead and it was pitch dark . Her boobs were pressed against my chest and I could feel her nipples poking through her thin nighty . Fear certainly had made them quite stiff . I put a hand on the back of her head and ruffled her soft hair . She was literally shaking . I could feel my cock hardening . I tried to move away . At that moment I could not control myself and I gently brought my lips down to hers and started kissing her . She seemed shocked , and tried to move away , but I tightened my grip and started kissing her deeper . She pushed me back a little I sealed her protests with my lips and again started kissing her passionately . At first she resisted trying to clamp her mouth but as I started caressing her neck , her resistance seemed to fade and she let me have my way . First I took her lower lip between my lips and sucked on them . She started to moan a little . Then I tried to open her mouth and pushed my tongue inside her sweet mouth . She opened her lips a little and my tongue felt her teeth and suddenly her mouth opened and my tongue could feel hers . Ah it was a heavenly feeling . Her tongue met mine and now I was kissing her more deeply , sucking at that beautiful tongue of hers . As I kissed her again , she started cooperating more and more . She also let her tongue roam in my mouth searching for mine . Probably the lack of lights , the rain and alcohol were making her loose her inhibitions . But I was in no mood to listen . Besides I knew that she was also horny and only her modesty and values were keeping her from going all out . Today I was determined to break all her resistance and show her the way she deserved to be loved . Slowly I laid her down on the carpet and lay down besides her . I started to kiss her again on her lips . She put her arms around my neck and bent one knee . Next I traced my mouth upwards on her elegant sexy legs towards her thighs . There was not an ounce of fat on her body and her skin was flawless . Kissing her thighs slowly I reached upwards till I reached the crotch of her panties . She helped me by lifting her hips off the ground . I pulled her panties all the way down , took them off and gently kept them aside . Now I wanted to eat the dish lying in front of me . I moved my lips to her thighs again . This time I parted her legs and started licking the inside of her thighs . Slowly and ever so slowly I kissed the supple flesh , kissing , licking , biting and moved upwards . " Aaaaaaaaaaaa ………… hh ! Aryan " she whispered . An occasional bolt of lightning would light up the room momentarily and in that light I appreciated the beauty of her body . She was lying on the floor , legs parted slightly , her nighty bunched up at her waist and her juicy little pussy exposed , as if pleading to be eaten . She had her eyes closed and her hands were clasping the edges of the carpet . Ah ! What a scene . I reached upwards , pushed her nighty up and reached her belly button . It was small and cute like a teenagers and looked very sexy on her flat tummy . I put my tongue in it , and she moaned aloud . " Oooooooo … . hh God , Nooo … . oooo ! " Again I sucked there for some time then moved up . I went straight at her lips , kissed her wildly . By now she was like a hungry animal , she was past caring and immediately put her tongue in my mouth . My cock was trying to burst through my boxers . I then put her right arm around my neck , held her back with my left arm , put my right arm under her knees and lifted her up from the carpet . She was incredibly light and felt like a soft feather in my arms . " I kn … . . ow this is not right , b …… ut I can 't stop now . Please take me Aryan . Please love me like I never have been . Pleeeeease show me the heaven . Aaaah " she whispered . I had got my green signal . I immediately took off my vest and boxers . My cock sprang free , happy to be in fresh air at last . It stood proudly in all its 9 inch glory . I saw her innocent eyes go wide at such a sight . I lay down besides her and took her in my arms . I gently lifted her off the bed and made her lie on me . She put her arms around my neck and started to kiss me passionately . Her hard nipples were poking on my bare chest . I gently dropped my hands to her ass and started kneading it softly . Her ass cheeks were supple and very soft . Despite the heat and humidity , I could feel goose bumps on her skin . Probably she was still apprehensive . As she continued to French kiss me & I felt heat radiating from her soft pussy on my crotch . I continued caressing her ass cheeks , slid my fingers in the crack and reached her pussy from the back . She stiffened immediately . As I sucked her nipple , my other hand was busy fiddling with the other boob . . It was so soft and my palm could cover almost whole of it . I took turns sucking at each of her nipples and moved downwards , kissing on my way down . I reached her juicy pussy , the ultimate destination . Although I could not see it in dark but could feel that her pussy was perfect in every sense . It was completely bare with not even a hint of pubic hair around it . The pussy lips were tightly closed like a virgin 's and only the slit could be felt between those soft lips . I gently licked her pussy slit slowly taking each lip in my mouth and sucking . Her juices were flowing more freely now . They had an erotic aroma and tasted so sweet that I wanted to lap her dry . I nuzzled her pussy before opening her pussy lips and started flicking her tiny clit which was now poking out through its hood . I took it between my lips and flicked it with my tongue . That 's when Pooja had her first orgasm . " Aaaaaaaaaaaa ……… . . hhhhhhhh ! I 'm coming Aryan Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh ! " she cried out aloud . I continued sucking on her nub and she started grinding her hips and raising them to meet my tongue . At last her thunderous orgasm subsided and she lay there panting . I had a raging hard on by now . I wanted to enter her and fuck her like I had never done before . But I wanted to arouse her again . So I got up from the bed and started to walk out . " I 'll be back in a sec . princess " I replied . I walked out , felt my way to the bar , opened it and took out my best " La Grande Dame " the famous wine which had costed me a small fortune . On the way back I took two martini glasses from the kitchen and walked back . She tentatively took one sip . She must have loved its mint flavor as she immediately brought her mouth forward for another sip . I let her have another sip . Then I put my cock in that filled glass of wine and took it near her mouth . Her mouth was groping for another sip from the glass but found my hard 9 incher laced with the finest wine near her sweet lips . I again dipped my cock in the wine . She brought her lips forward but missed her mark by a few inches , and my cock touched her smooth cheeks . She tried to correct her aim the next time , opening her lips a little more and I deliberately moved it to the other side , so she missed again . I was truly in heaven . Her little mouth felt so hot and delicate that I almost came there and then . Only , years of Yoga exercises , helped me in controlling my orgasm . Besides I did not want to scare the little thing too soon , as perhaps she was not ready for it as yet . She was looking so sexy and innocent trying to suck a cock … . . probably for the first time . As I pushed inside , I found her to be extremely tight , just like a virgin . " I think she has not had much of a cock since marriage . What a shame Yash " I thought I increased my tempo and was now pounding her faster . Her tight love hole taking my cock completely . Her fingers dug on my back and she wrapped her legs around me clasping me tightly . With my free hand I removed her blind fold and looked at her beautiful face . Her eyes were closed and she was in total ecstasy . Writhing , … . . moaning , …… . . pleading " Yes darling Faster …… faster … . . aaaaaaah . " she cried , until we both could no longer hold on . I fell on her and remained inside her till I was soft . Her chest was heaving after such intense session . Her soft boobs rising and falling with each breath . Then I lay down by her side and took her in my arms and kissed her on her lips . She was still in trance , eyes closed , breathing heavily . " Shhhhhhh . This is no moment to regret but to enjoy while it lasts . " I whispered keeping my fingers on her lips . She smiled and took my finger in her mouth and gently sucked it . She was sleeping very calmly on her side apparently very tired . I decided to admire her naked beauty in some light now . Although the blinds were drawn in my room but the light was filtering from outside and I could clearly see the naked angel lying besides me . She was lying curled up on her side facing away from me , so that her lovely back and ass was visible to my hungry eyes . For a moment I was afraid that she was going to wake up , but she was fast asleep . She had kept one arm over her eyes and the other was near the pillow . I could see her soft boobs rising and falling with each breath and for the first time I noticed that she had small pink nipples over her glorious mounds . As my gaze shifted downwards I saw the sweet triangle of her crotch , comprising of her totally bare pussy lips with small slit in between . Her pussy seemed just like a little teenagers , completely devoid of any hair and very tight . Her legs were parted slightly with one leg bent slightly at the knee comfortably resting on the bed . That was a heavenly scene and I knew I would never get a chance to see it again . So , I decided to keep it permanently in my memory . I took out my digital camera from the side drawer and started taking few pictures of this lovely nude angel in her sleep . I took them from some distance using optical zoom as I did not want the flash to wake her up . She did not even stir during the whole photo shoot . Now I had the material to keep me busy when I would be lonely at night . By now I had a raging hard on and I did not want to waste anytime , so I immediately went for the job at hand . I kept my camera back and climbed on the bed and went straight at her pussy . . I started licking the soft flesh slowly . It was a bit salty , probably from her sweat and juices of last night 's adventure . She started writhing , slowly at first and then started moaning softly . " mmmmmm …… mmmm " she moaned " wha … t are you upto ? " she asked sleepily . " I can never have my fill of you " I replied and continued sucking on her pussy . She also started to get horny again as her love juices started flowing and she started grinding her hips . " Now 's the time to put my plan into action " I thought . I walked up to the door of my bathroom with her in my arms and pushed it open . I took her inside and gently lay her down on the padded floor . I then turned on the lights . Her eyes opened wide at the sight of my bathroom . It was probably the most luxurious bathroom she had ever seen . It was one of my favorite places in my flat so I had spent quite a lot of money in designing and completely revamping my bathroom . I had used special towel material as padded carpets , which could soak any amount of moisture . I had even placed a small wine cooler near the Jacuzzi , so that I could enjoy my drink while I relaxed in my bath . " Wow ! " she exclaimed truly overawed by the sight . " It is the most beautiful bathroom that I have ever seen . You sure have royal tastes Aryan " I picked both the garments from the floor . Her nighty had a soft and smooth texture to it … . most appropriate for her silky smooth skin . I then felt her panties with my fingers . They were also of a very good quality … . . Soft cotton material and then there was " Snoopy " the famous cartoon character printed on the crotch . ' Victoria 's secret ' the label on waistband read . After freshening up , I went straight to my bed room and on the way took some Ice from the refrigerator . I walked up to my bathroom and gently opened its door . There in front of me was one of the loveliest sight I had ever seen . I saw Pooja standing on one of the steps that led up to the Jacuzzi whirlpool , and trying to fiddle with the knobs of the tap , probably trying to open the faucets . She was humming slowly and bending over to reach the knobs . I could see her cute ass shaking and moving slightly and her lovely pussy was playing peek - a - boo with my eyes . I stood there transfixed and didn 't move for some time enjoying the scene in front of me . She obviously had not heard me opening the door . I gently moved towards her , put down the ice slowly on the shelf and stood behind her . " That 's why it 's important that I remain here . There are so many gadgets here that I do not want you getting lost . " I said innocently . " Hey ! I was just helping a damsel in distress like a true gentleman . . I would never think of taking advantage of a young naked girl who happens to be my best friend 's wife . " I said mischievously . She immediately turned pink . Her small nipples were standing proudly on her lovely boobs . She had strategically placed a hand between her legs and raised the knee of one leg to prevent me from seeing her pussy . I smiled , slowly crawled near her and took her in my arms . She reluctantly came in my arms and closed her eyes . I settled myself against one of the walls of the tub and made her sit between my legs with her back against my chest . She was still somewhat inhibited and couldn 't meet my eyes . I lifted her chin with my fingers ; she closed her eyes gently , probably resigning to her fate . She knew that I would have my way and possibly she too was in no mood to let this dream end , so she gently parted her lips and waited for me to kiss her . " mmm …… mmm " she was moaning . Again our tongues met and we started kissing passionately . Our tongues were roaming freely in each others mouth and we remained lip locked for what seemed an eternity . She was leaning on my left shoulder , slightly turned towards me . My mouth was locked on hers as if wanting to drink every ounce of nectar from her lips . With my right hand I was teasing her nipples , holding them between my fingers … pinching them slightly till they were rock hard . Her legs were parted slightly and my fingers immediately found their destination . I pried open her pussy lips and reached for her clit . I rubbed on it for some time with my fingers … . flicking softly , till she was grinding her hips . I reached for the ice cubes on the shelf and took one in my fingers . Pooja 's eyes were closed , so , she did not know what I was up to . I took the ice and started rubbing it on her clit . She immediately felt the coolness and opened her eyes looking surprisingly in my eyes . As our lips were locked , she could not speak any thing . I calmed her with my eyes and continued kissing her ever so deeply . She relaxed and started enjoying the pampering . I rubbed the ice on her clit till the ice cube melted . I then took another one and slowly reached for her pussy hole . With my index finger I tried to enter her vaginal opening . She looked heavenly , all wet coming out of that tub . The water reached up to her mid thighs . Standing there I looked into her eyes with raw hunger in my eyes and brought her closer till her boobs were crushed on my chest and my dick was caressing her belly . She put her arms around my neck . I kissed her again , ……… . . my hands now roaming on her asscheeks , … . . caressing …… . groping …… . . feeling her supple flesh . Then I led her gently to the edge of tub and made her sit on the broad rim . She sat there uncertain what was coming next . I then went to work . I started licking her body from top to bottom , licking at that cool skin of hers which was now laced in champagne . " Ah ! What a divine feel " . Her skin had developed goose bumps , partially out of being soaked with the chilled champagne and partially at my licking it off … . . I slowly reached her boobs and licked her nipples . The champagne had never tasted so good . Shyly she put it to her lips and took a sip . She closed her eyes as if enjoying the feeling . As I reached her belly button , I asked her Then I moved down to her bare pussy lips and again started licking and sucking more . Meanwhile Pooja had also started to move her hips as she sipped some more of the bubbly . I took the bottle from her , took a sip of champagne , put an ice cube in my mouth and went down on her , sucking her beautiful clit . She bucked her hips and I continued to suck her clit . At last her orgasm subsided and she lay there panting . I then stood before her , my 9 inch friend was ready for some action . She had one look at it and decided to treat it . She took my cock in her fingers and started sucking it lovingly and gently . She was much improved since last night and was a good learner . She tried to take most of it in her mouth without gagging and after a few tries could get about three fourths of it in . she licked … . sucked … . . kissed and even put some champagne on it before taking it in her mouth . She continued to suck my cock for sometime till I almost died of pleasure and was ready to come . I picked her up and asked her to lean against the tub . She got up and turning away from me , put both her hands on the edge of Jacuzzi , her arms stretched . Her ass was in the air and lovely pussy lips were enticing and inviting me . I caught hold of her hips and put my monster on her pussy hole and entered her without any difficulty . " aaaaahhhh ! " she whimpered . She was so well lubricated and wet that she also did not feel any pain . For eternity we lay there enjoying the feel of being one . Then slowly I took out my cock from her pussy and turned her towards me . She looked intoxicated and came immediately in my arms . We both went to the kitchen . It was 12 : 45 PM . No doubt she was famished . I looked around , deciding what to make . Meanwhile Pooja lifted herself on to one of the empty slabs in kitchen , found a banana and started eating one . I bowed my head . " I 'm at your service your highness ; please eat whatever part of me you find delicious . Though the way you are eating that banana , I can guess which part of me you would like . " I said mischievously . " Wasting ! " I exclaimed . " I couldn 't have used them more sensibly even if I wanted to . And don 't worry about the stock . " Don 't ever be guilty , especially when your heart was into it . Enjoy it like a beautiful dream till it lasts and then forget completely about it . We may have done something in the heat of moment , but don 't ever feel violated . Trust me it was such a pure thing and such a beautiful setting that even the God himself could not have written the script any better . " With that I kissed her on her lips and hugged her tightly . She seemed to forget her worries and hugged me back . I saw her walking tentatively towards the bar , her ass swaying seductively from side to side . She reached the bar and opened it . She seemed astonished at the variety of liquor in that bar , . . all imported . I opened the bottle with wine opener and poured it in both the glasses . I raised the toast and said " To this lovely dream , with my beautiful and sexy neighbor . Cheers ! " But I resisted the temptation , gently turned her and pulled her on my lap . She was blushing deeply . I took a fork and picked up some pasta and brought it near her lips . She opened her mouth and took it in . " Oh ! Soooooo . . Sorry darling " She said lovingly . She picked up the fork and brought the pasta near my mouth . I took a bite and we both laughed . She looked at me with adoring eyes and I could see love and passion in them . " Oh ! I love you Aryan … . . I love you so much . " she whispered . This was the first time in more than 16 hrs when she had taken the first step . " Shhhh … . . Don 't think too far ahead luv . Just live for today ……… . the present …… now … . " I said softly , putting my finger on her lips . She again brought her lips on mine and sucked deeply . I responded and we remained like that , …… doing nothing but holding each other tight and kissing ……… just kissing …… . forgetting completely that outside our cocoon , another world existed where we would be spending the rest of our lives . I then moved my hands down from her back to her hips only to find that her robe had parted completely at the waist . I put my hand gently on her creamy soft thighs and caressed them slowly with my fingers . Her soft skin exiting me and I moved up and up till her lovely pussy was at my mercy . She stroked it lovingly on the head ……… . . caressing it …… . teasing it ……… . . licking it …… . and ultimately sucking it like a Popsicle , enjoying every moment of it . How she had gone from a young amateur innocent girl who was just finding her feet in sex , to an expert dick - sucker … . . I could not imagine . I put my hands in her hair , pushed her head towards my dick and cajoled her to take more of it . she responded by taking almost whole of the monster …… and I was ready to cum . She started moving her head faster and faster …… . moving up and down … . . till I could no longer control myself . " Aaaaa … . . hh I 'm coming darling , … . I 'm coming , ………… move " I wanted to push her away , as I did not want to cum in her mouth . But she kept on sucking harder and harder , till I exploded and came in her lovely mouth . " I … it was heaven princess ……… just too beautiful . Why did you do …… . . it ? I mean you could 've taken your mouth away . " I said looking in her deep innocent eyes . " Why ? I was not about to leave " my friend " in distress , besides I also wanted to taste something other than wine . " She replied smiling naughtily . After tidying up I sat down on the sofa and waited for her to return . It was only for few minutes that she was out of my sight but already I was missing her ……… . I did not want to waste even a single moment while she was with me …… . . Suddenly I heard one of the doors open and out she came humming sweetly . She looked more fresh and cheerful and was still wearing that robe . As she walked , swaying slightly , towards me I could see her pretty thighs exposed through the gap in the flapping robe . I wanted to see further up but she had tied the belt more securely now . " I also don 't want you in this robe . " I said smiling " It 's shielding all your beauty from me . Why don 't you take it off ? " " Aaa ha ha ha ! Very smart . I will not be fooled this time " she said teasing me " I need my clothes . By the way where are the ones that I wore last night ? " " Look sweetheart , they were all wet and dirty , so I put them with other dirty clothes for washing . I will give them back to you , after washing . " I lied . " You have an exquisite taste darling . " I said lifting her chin . " So , it is decided that you keep the nighty and I will keep the panties " " Don 't worry honey . " I said in my most soothing voice . " When the time comes for you to go , I will go to your flat and bring something for you to wear . Just tell me where do you keep your clothes ? " She started whimpering softly . Then I went downwards and parted the robe at the neck and put my hand inside ……… . feeling her soft boobs with my hands . They were like soft dough , waiting to be molded . My fingers traced circular patterns on her areola , careful ……… . not touching her nipple , ……… . . just around it . This made her moan a little more . I felt her heightening pleasure by the way her sensitive skin was responding to my touch . The skin around her nipple became so sensitive that I could feel the goose bumps on it . I then touched her nipple softly and caught it between my index finger and thumb and pressed gently . I flicked it again . It had grown into a hard nub and was now pointing outwards . I slowly brought my lips down on her chin and licked it . She threw her head back and closed her eyes . " aaaaaaa … . hhhhh ! " she cried . " lov … ely ……… . . so lovely … . . darling " . She was ruffling my hair as if cajoling me to take her to another level . I got up from the sofa and stood up . I then caught hold of her hand and indicated her to stand up . She stood up …… . uncertain of my intentions …… looking in my eyes …… . searching … . I wanted to take her there and then ………… to love her even more ………… knowing that the time was my enemy and it was running out fast ……… . but IStanding there , I took her in my arms and she melted in them . I swept aside her hair which were falling on her face and started kissing her luscious lips again . This time my hands were roaming on her back . My right hand now slowly reached her lower back and the anticipation of its final destination , made her moan . I reached her lovely ass - cheeks and cupped them …… . . feeling their extreme softness . They were round , …… . . supple and …… . . firm . My cock was touching her belly and her hot pussy was sliding on my balls sending waves of excitement in my body . I picked her up from the waist and lay her on the sofa . " Spread your legs honey " I said gently parting her legs . She obliged by slowly opening her legs .

I told sister Heather , this morning , as I was driving to bring my son to school , the dark rain clouds were all scattered . Yet , in front of us , there were rays of the risen sun beaming through those dark clouds . God comforted me with that sight ! That just because we are going through tough times doesn 't mean He is not there with us . That He is going through all the trials with us . . . But it relies on our faith and trust on Him . Jesus always spoke " Oh ye of little faith . . . . " " I 'm eager to encourage you in your faith , but I also want to be encouraged by yours . In this way , each of us will be a blessing to the other . " - Romans 1 : 12 I love that a small ray of light can truly illuminate the dark corners of that particular room . We are called to be the " light of this world " as believers . I have that tendency sometimes to hide my light , I think . Like when I get quiet when I should speak . Or at work , when I go with the flow [ not good ! ] . Or go back to old habits that extinguish this light . Oh Lord , forgive me for my sins . Forgive me for not reflecting your Light the way You want me to . Forgive me for those times that I don 't explain Your Light to others who have never seen it before . Help me have the eyes to see the needs of others . Strengthen me Oh Lord and that I pray also for all believers . So that we may continue to always be burning strongly for Your light to be seen in those dark areas of this world . For those who are still living in the dark , that they won 't have fear to step into Your light and be exposed into Your light and turn away from any dark deeds . Thank You Lord for Your forgiveness , for Your unfathomable love , mercy and grace . In Jesus ' Name . Amen . Inspired : I was all in tuned to what seemed to be a very interesting conversation among my co - workers , deputies and nurses alike . One deputy swore that it was true . That zombies were coming sometime . It all started when ghost stories became the topic . I never denied the weird experiences in the jail , too . Because I knew there were territorial spirits . But I would choose to not make a hype about them . All they would do was instill fear . Oh , but they were all excited . To hear their own different experiences while working in our facility . Especially at the back , in a particular unit behind the Infirmary . Where very sick inmates were housed . Some of them had died . And some housed inmates also experienced odd things . How could my spirit explain ? About the reality in the spiritual places ? How could some of them believe me if they don 't have the Spirit of the Lord ? Or even if they have the Spirit , but the minds and hearts are set on flesh , how would they understand ? The Bible says if we are friends with the world , we are enemies of God . [ " You adulterous people , don 't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God ? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God . " - James 4 : 4 ] This is the Truth that I know : " That Jesus is the One returning to rule His people . He came once to save all people from sins that separated us from the righteous God . And He will come again , this time , to judge the world . " Oh God , thank You for Your patience . Thank You for saving us from going to hell , because You sent Your One and only Son to die for our sins . I pray many more will be able to see and hear Your offer of salvation . I pray for those of us , who have already tasted how good You are , how faithful Your love really is , how unfathomable Your kindness , love and grace are , to set our minds , not on temporal things but on heavenly treasures . Give us Lord the boldness , Your divine wisdom and protection , for us to be able to share Your gift with others who haven 't opened it . I praise You Lord for Your true promises . Thank You for Your future return and may we be always ready , anytime , anywhere . In Jesus ' Name . Amen . " 13Brothers , we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep , or to grieve like the rest of men , who have no hope . 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him . 15According to the Lord 's own word , we tell you that we who are still alive , who are left till the coming of the Lord , will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep . 16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven , with a loud command , with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God , and the dead in Christ will rise first . 17After that , we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air . And so we will be with the Lord forever . 18Therefore encourage each other with these words . " - 1 Thessalonians 4 : 13 - 18 [ NIV ] I felt sleepiness taking control of my tired body , as I was praying , " Lord , fan the flames in my heart for You . . . " Nearing the door that led to dream land , I felt a sudden stirring in my spirit , that roused me . I felt an urgency to pray . To pray for someone . To pray about something . That I didn 't know . I became antsy . To the point that I felt a surge of creepiness . Of like an impending doom in a spiritual realm . " Lord , help me . . . " Until something was recalled in my memory . It happened at work last night . Few hours after I arrived and preparing to volunteer to pull the medications from that million - dollar worth machine that would prepare all the inmates ' medications for the morning and noontime doses , I received that call . There was a female inmate complaining of chest pain . " Send her down , " I uttered , as I pulled out my own stethoscope from my transparent bag . She sat there quietly . Reviewing her medical chart , I read she had some mental health issue . She was placed on suicide watch before . But there was no record of any cardiac related problem . Her vital signs were normal . She admitted to a history of anxiety . Despite feeling the certainty that she wasn 't having a heart attack , I made her lay down on the exam table and explained that I needed to do an EKG . A thin curtain divided us from the sharp observation of the Clinic Deputy to give her a little privacy . There it was . An eerie stare from her that followed my every moves . Stare that didn 't scare me . But penetrated my spirit feeling that she was in deep trouble . That there was another source of this chest pain . The EKG reading came back normal . I asked her already those questions during my initial assessment . To which she denied . Except this time , coupled with that weird stare , she looked at me directly in the eyes and answered , " Yes . " " Well then , how can I help you ? Because you don 't have true heart problems . What 's eating in your heart is what 's causing your pains , " I explained . She avoided my direct eye contact this time . Softly , she whispered , " I 'll be okay , Ma ' am . " Then , she requested for her yellow pass so she could go back to her unit . Back to the hole that was making her anxious and stressed out every time . Realizing I needed to pray for this woman , despite the whole day that had passed by , I did . I felt better after asking the Lord to intervene for whatever needs or problems she was going through . The impending doom sensation was replaced with calmness . And 2 Timothy 1 : 6 suddenly flashed in my mind . I didn 't know what it was . So , I got up and took my Bible : " This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you . " Here , Paul was encouraging Timothy to persevere as he was ordained to start a ministry . He received special gifts of the Spirit to make him be able to serve the church . He didn 't need to obtain new gifts . He just needed to hang on to the truth and to use those gifts to step boldly in faith and share the Good News . Like Timothy , we are all given different gifts by the Spirit . May we be all sensitive to the needs of others around us and be able to share His gift of salvation boldly . God will enable us and strengthen us only if we are willing to be His instruments in bringing the Good News to those who are still lost . May we be that sturdy kind of ropes that God sends down to those who have fallen and remain to be in a hole . Like when we used to be . . . " Thank You Lord ! " I prayed as I guided my steering wheel steadily to turn my car to an on ramp of the freeway that would lead me home . " Thank You for the quiet night we had . " As I turned on the soft music , my mind wandered about how many miracles that God constantly had shown me in every day that passed by . No ! I 'm not dying of cancer . Nor did I die and was given another chance [ almost at one time but that would be another story ] . . . As I learned to trust in Him , He had proven time and time again , that He is alive and that His promises stand true up to this day ! He proves them to me through all these life 's miracles that if I am walking away from Him , would hardly be noticed by my mind and heart . These were the past miracles : And His best miracle in each of our lives , is His invitation to accept His gift of salvation . We are all sinners in need of a Savior . Inspired : I knew right away at first glance that she was not lying . Constantly rubbing her upper stomach area , she kept complaining of burning pain that just wouldn 't go away . She just wanted help to make her more comfortable . Not in a demanding way . More of a pleasant request , allowing me to intervene to the best of my ability . I gave her a white concoction of 3 medications that usually treat any epigastric discomfort . With complete submission , she downed it despite the awful taste that coated her tongue as soon as the liquid touched her mouth . She quickly flushed the medication with a small cup of water I gave with it . Few minutes later , I saw her grimacing more and seemed to be in distress . Yet , she never came up to the window to demand to be sent to the hospital . I loved helping those kind of inmates . They were the kind that never abused the system . They were the ones who seemed to be contented with the kind of treatment they were getting , despite the delay , or inadequate relief for their suffering . I phoned the on - call physician and relating with him the symptoms I noted on my own , at first , he didn 't want me to send the inmate to the ER . But he changed his mind when I kept telling him that she looked more in distress . He gave me a " go " signal . No rush . Just with our transportation deputy . With tears falling down on her cheeks , she thanked me and breathed a sigh of relief when I informed her that she was going to see the doctor . She uttered a soft but warm " thank you " and sat back down on one of the plastic chairs and quietly rubbed her stomach . I knew she would be patient to wait for the deputy but I reassured her . She thanked me for my kind gesture . Little did she know , I was the one who should thank her for her contentment . By seeing her not whine and tried to endure and be contented with all the efforts I did , she reminded me of Paul , the apostle . The man in love with Jesus who learned to be satisfied through all circumstances that he faced . " How grateful I am , and how I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again . I know you have always been concerned for me , but for a while you didn 't have the chance to help me . Not that I was ever in need , for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little . I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything . I have learned the secret of living in every situation , whether it is with a full stomach or empty , with plenty or little . For I can do everything with the help of Christ Who gives me the strength I need . " - Philippians 4 : 10 - 13 Oh Lord , with us living in this world full of discontent : discontent with laborious or low paying jobs , discontent with spouses , discontent with our looks , and I can go on and on , please help us learn contentment , the way Paul discovered it . Help us to have confidence and strength that comes from You . Help us to remain trusting in only You . That is the only way to be contented no matter what is going on around us . Thank You Lord for all of Your provisions . Please forgive me for the times that I have complained and was just focused on the gifts , instead of You , the Giver . Thank You Lord for always being merciful , for Your faithful love and grace . In Jesus ' Name . Amen . By the way , that inmate came back all smiling and felt much better after the doctor gave her something stronger for pain . She was diagnosed with gallstones . Then , we went from there and knew what advices to give her prior to sending her back to her unit . And our jail doctor would see her again for a follow up treatment . " The focus in revival is Jesus Christ , not revival . A genuine revival is characterized by a fresh revelation of the grace , greatness , and glory of Jesus Christ . " - Mark Stibbe There it is … . an old book I have to read every two years before my CPR expires . It 's time again … So , I 've been cramming last night . Reviewing techniques , sequence , ratios , and other pertinent things that have slowly faded in my memory bank , in between these past two years . It 's not often we have " Code Blue 's " at work . But when the need arises , of course , every nurse in the prison must work together to save a precious life . So , it 's just right to review and be reminded of the skills that we must not forget . Tomorrow , I 'm off to our annual training . The first part of the day is usually spent with our doctors and other staff taking turns , educating us if there 's anything new that is going on with correctional healthcare . We get a lunch break . Then , the remaining half of the day we spend on the floor , by ourselves and then , by two 's , practicing CPR skills on a dummy . Maintaining a patent airway is very crucial and if pulseless , then , that 's when chest compressions are initiated . But there has to be a right depth , right rhythm , right ratio … I 'm already tired thinking about it because I know it will feel like a real scenario . But I know I must be refreshed . It 's vital and necessary . Becoming saved does not stop there . I used to think " I 'm fine , I 'm saved . I 'm going to heaven . " Amen ! Then , I wanted to glorify the Lord through writing and I discovered this blog world . Met a lot of sisters / brothers in Christ . Blessed by their own writings as well . Unfortunately , it 's not all about that . To mature in Christ is a continuous , lifelong process . Not just being saved and meeting other Christians . It 's not just about prayer and sharing that help us grow in our faith . We need to also exercise or " flex " our spiritual muscles that God gave . However , we have that need to be connected with each other . And that relationship as His family and church is very real ! We need discipline to keep growing in His knowledge . " Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives ' tales . Spend your time and energy in training yourself for spiritual fitness . Physical exercise has some value , but spiritual exercise is much more important , for it promises a reward in both this life and the next . This is true , and everyone should accept it . We work hard and suffer much in order that people will believe the truth , for our hope is in the living God , who is the Savior of all people , and particularly of those who believe . " - 1 Timothy 4 : 7 - 10 I admit , I am a big work in progress , like you . As we become a blessing to each other through our blogs and prayers , may we all be encouraged to keep growing and mature in Christ , through the different spiritual gifts we learn from each other . How true is that saying " no pain , no gain ! " But with Christ , the pain we endure helps us to grow in our faith . It is a good kind of pain if we choose to suffer with Christ . " Therefore , since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith , let us strip off every weight that slows us down , especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress . And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us . We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus , on whom our faith depends from start to finish . " - Hebrews 12 : 1 - 2 So , meet you here ? Same place , same time ? To seek our Lord Jesus daily and repent for our sins , and continue to practice CPR [ Christ 's Powerful Revival ] as his family . And while you 're here , I just want you to know I 'm so grateful to have met you and thank you for your prayers and friendships . May God bless all of you richly and to Him be the glory in everything that we do ! " Check this out Rcubes . What do you think ? He 's so dizzy but all his vital signs are normal . His blood pressure is a normal high , " she answered . " You 're right ! Now , we 'll know for sure ! " she exclaimed as the male inmate slightly opened his eyes and wondered what I meant for that kind of test . He started rolling his eyes again . There was no nausea nor vomiting . We told him to get up . Leaning upon the walls , he walked in a slanted position and down he fell on the floor , his head almost hitting a big trash bin , but he immediately avoided it . The 2 deputies immediately ran to help him get up . I just smiled and didn 't say anything . I knew the other nurse saw me and felt why I just smiled and didn 't seem concerned a bit . The deputy still looked at me and wondered why I wasn 't doing anything to help this inmate . All the blood pressure readings and the pulses were not widened . They were all normal as I started giving the report to the daytime nursing supervisor . We decided to keep him in the back cell until the jail doctor arrived . Not saying anything yet to the supervisor , except the blood pressure readings , when she saw the inmate got up and pretended he would fall again , she uttered loudly , " Oh my God ! I haven 't seen any drama like this ! " And the deputy looked at me and finally got it that I was right about this inmate faking the whole thing . He wasn 't dizzy . He wanted to go to the hospital so he could be given something for his drug seeking habits . We don 't need to believe everything this world says . Our beliefs and faith in One true God Who is the Truth would help us discern the lies this world brings . This world is ruled by our spiritual enemy Satan and his angels . Everything he wants is to keep us , believers apart from God 's truth . His goal is to deceive everyone . Proverbs 14 : 12 - " There is a path before each person that seems right , but it ends in death . " But Jesus said to the people who believed in him , " You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings . And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free . " - John 8 : 31 - 32 I have learned from this life 's journey that some things in the past will not help me to keep pressing on , the future I 'm completely unaware of what 's to occur . But He does . I have no option but to look up and know that His ways and thoughts are truly higher than ours . What this world says , I don 't believe because the enemies are making sure to try everything to thwart God 's purpose in my life . But thanks be to God , I [ we ] have His mighty power and might , His armor to wear to guard me against all evil ways . " So humble yourselves before God . Resist the devil and he will flee from you . Draw close to God and God will draw close to you . " - James 4 : 7 - 8 I enjoy watching cloud formations on different days . But lately , I have been noticing clear , cloudless blue skies . As I was sweeping the leaves in the front yard , I took this picture because it reminds me , aside from the truth that He is higher than us and that He knows and sees everything , God is not God of disorder but of peace . [ 1 Corinthians 14 : 33 ] . He is God of clarity . . . " I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from ? My help comes from the Lord , the Maker of heaven and earth . " - Psalm 121 : 1 - 2 I often wondered how much I am able to contribute each night that I am at work . Not only at work , but also with my family , with my loved ones and other places . Working in the prison now for almost 11 years , some of the skills I had learned from Orthopedics I must have forgotten , even lost . That is what 's going to happen if our God - given talents or abilities are not used . We must not feel inferior to anyone though . Because God had given each of us special skills to use for His glory . So , we must never underestimate our capabilities . We must be all working together , coordinating a life - saving effort to those walking around us who are spiritually dead . Only the life - saving power of Christ could revive anyone . Jesus came to share about God and His Kingdom and while he was away now for a while , us , followers , should be productive and faithful during His temporary absence . " But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him ? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him ? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells about him ? " ~ Romans 10 : 14 [ NLT ] " Yes , " the king replied , ' but to those who use well what they are given , even more will be given . But from those who are unfaithful , even what little they have will be taken away . " - Luke 19 : 26 What are your special talents and abilities ? How can you use them for God 's work in this world ? Let us use our talents or they will diminish ! Lord , help us and continue to guide us with Your divine wisdom . Protect us Lord against the works of evil . Give us the boldness and the courage to be able to share the Good News to those who are perishing . I was like them before Oh , Lord . Thank You for saving us . I pray for Your mercy despite the many rebellion that continues to be displayed from many stubborn hearts . Help us Lord to be productive with what You have given us . Help us determine what they are . Remind us about a young boy who had just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes , yet , with everything that he had , his faith found that key that made him surrender all he has gotten to Your hands . Give us the strength Lord to press on until You return . May everything we do , be done in Your glory . My child smiled at me . Walking happily , despite the heavy backpack strapped on both of his shoulders . I saw that sign of relief on his facial expression after this grueling week of exams and other homework that made him coop up most of the time in his bedroom . Burning the midnight oil , as long as he could , trying to understand the subjects well ahead for his years . That 's what I 've been doing now . Since getting hurt . I told sister Denise , I vacuum . Rest . Wash a load of laundry . Then , rest . Iron . Rest . Cook dinner . Rest . More rests in between when I used to finish 10 tasks in only a matter of hours . Not anymore . I 'm only taking one thing at a time . Trying not to get injured more . Knowing my limitations . But in those periods of rests , God had gotten my attention . To listen more to His advice . To re - evaluate if everything that I do have more weight for eternal results , than temporary ones . That with my life 's exams or tests , come both success and failures . These periods of rests becoming more crucial now to me to determine if I have been carrying unnecessary backpack of burdens that I need to hand back to Jesus . " Then Jesus said , " Come to me , all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens , and I will give you rest . Take my yoke upon you . Let me teach you , because I am humble and gentle , and you will find rest for your souls . For my yoke fits perfectly , and the burden I give you is light . " The other night , I visited my friend and while watching Larry King interviewed Bill Maher [ not that I like to watch any tv shows ] , it grieved me to hear how much Bill Maher had hurtful things to say about Sarah Palin . How he projected her as ignorant just because she avoided media interviews . How he thought of her as a scary leader because she uttered she was online talking with her spiritual friends / warriors , praying for her . He made fun of her because she believed in angels and demons . He mentioned something about Moses ' dropping the heavy tablets of the Ten Commandments but I didn 't understand what he was trying to say because he started making fun of it . I used to be that way . I made fun of my oldest brother who was on fire for the Lord when he turned to Christ . Everything that came out of his mouth , I laughed . All the Scriptures he mentioned , I thought of him losing his sanity . When he talked about spiritual battles , and of demons , I thought about how much he fantasized about things . That " this religion " is not good ! " But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful , wicked people who push the truth away from themselves . For the truth about God is known to them instinctively . God has put this knowledge in their hearts . " - Romans 1 : 18 - 19 We are all , unfortunately , the same . We are all SINNERS ! How can we quickly think of others as full of flaws when we don 't have to go that far . Just look into ourselves . We have our own ! Perhaps , even worse ! Pride … Lust … Adultery … Lying … Murder … And others … Oh how I wept when I came to the end of one road and just knew I couldn 't continue to walk all alone ! That I needed Someone to guide me , strengthen me and release me from the bondages that had a hold on my soul . I knew there was a war going on . That I wasn 't making fun of my brother . . . I was making fun of Jesus ! ! ! I 'm grateful that He found a lost soul like me … He showed His love and mercy to me . . . " It 's like this : When I was a child , I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does . But when I grew up , I put away childish things . Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror , but then we will see everything with perfect clarity . All that I know now is partial and incomplete , but then I will know everything completely , just as God knows me now . " - 1 Corinthians 13 : 11 , 12 God is complete . Represented by Jesus . It 's us who lack understanding . One day , when we all see God and see Him face to face , everything will be revealed . This alone , a glimpse of what 's in store should give us , believers , the hope and strength that we need to continue to press on . To endure . To bless those who hurt us , instead of being angry . To pray for them instead that the veil is removed on their hearts , so that the Lord 's Good News they can clearly see … " But the people 's minds were hardened , and even to this day whenever the old covenant is being read , a veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth . And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ . Yes , even today when they read Moses ' writings , their hearts are covered with that veil , and they do not understand . " - 2 Corinthians 3 : 14 Lord , if it grieved me to see so many who are still not willing to repent and turn to you , who are full of pride and hardened hearts , I can 't imagine how it must feel for You . For You , Oh God , have been patient so that many of us can be saved through Jesus . Help us Lord to remember that with You , a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day . Help us know in our hearts that You aren 't being slow about Your promise to return , as some people think but that You are being patient for our sake . [ 2 Peter 3 : 8 , 9 ] Because You , Oh Lord , God of love , doesn 't want anyone to perish . I pray Oh Lord that many more will turn to Jesus and let Jesus be the Lord of their lives . Lord , please remove the veils in so many , many people who still don 't know You , that they may see the brightness and let Your light in , into their dark hearts and minds . Thank You Lord for Your love , Your mercy and grace . In Jesus ' Name . Amen . " Who is he ? " asked one of the nurses , while the look on everyone 's face was filled with curiosity , some with the threatening return gesture of ignorance and coldness to someone not familiar to them . He shook the hands of a co - worker near where I was . " How are you , Sir ? " I smiled back even if I didn 't recognize him . But I didn 't give my hands though he anticipated for me to approach him and would do so . " I 'm Mr . ___ , " he replied , as if he was just a regular guy who happened to decide one night to visit the prison . The curious eyes tried to look for the stripes on his shirt . There were none . And off he went to see the deputy in the back . As everyone continued to wonder who this mysterious visitor was . " There he is ! Oh , my God ! He is one of those top officials , right below the Sheriff ! ! ! No wonder , it seemed like he was familiar to me somehow , " she exclaimed . I just smiled . I knew I didn 't have to worry about anything , whether we get surprise visits or not . I will do the same tasks , whether there 's a boss or not around … How about you ? Are you ready when Jesus comes back for a surprise visit ? No one knows when it is going to be . But those who trust and believe in him and obey Him have nothing to worry about . But for those who have rejected Him , His surprise return would be terrible ! " See , I am coming soon , and my reward is with me , to repay all according to their deeds . I am the Alpha and the Omega , the First and the Last , the Beginning and the End . " - Revelation 22 : 12 - 13 " And I saw a great white throne , and I saw the one who was sitting on it . The earth and the sky fled from his presence , but they found no place to hide . I saw the dead , both great and small , standing before God 's throne . And the books were opened , including the Book of Life . And the dead were judged according to the things written in the books , according to what they had done . The sea gave up the dead in it , and death and the grave gave up the dead in them . They were all judged according to their deeds . And death and the grave were thrown into the lake of fire . This is the second death - the lake of fire . And anyone whose name was not found recorded in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire . " - Revelation 20 : 11 - 15 " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday , today , and forever . So do not be attracted by strange , new ideas . " - Hebrews 13 : 8 , 9 " And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal 's death on a cross . Because of this , God raised him up to the heights of heaven and gave him a name that is above every other name , so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow , in heaven and on earth and under the earth , and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord , to the glory of God the Father . " - Philippians 2 : 8 - 10 Working at the prison 's Intake for many years when I was new brought so many different kinds of memories . Some were challenging [ or most of them ] . Some so tough that I just felt like giving up . Some were even tougher that I knew I survived , had it not for divine providence . Some were helpful for my own growth pertaining to my assessment , my interventions , or my autonomy with my decisions . But there were those memories that evoked hurt . Shame . Pain . Guilt . Doubts . Anger . The hunger for justice . There was this young inmate . So beautiful . Appearing so harmless because of the gentle nature . The way the words were spoken from the well - shaped lips . The way gestures were done with long , slim fingers . Imprisoned for the murder committed by those candle - like fingers . Deputies were always careful to search every crevices of that body . As many razor blades were adeptly hidden in those spots where no one would have imagined that it could be hidden . Attempting many suicidal thoughts by slashing the already well - scarred wrists , claiming many medical emergencies when self - mutilation was done , it became a habit . This inmate was a beautiful appearing woman . On the outside . The physical appearances of a woman enveloped in a man 's body . He was close to having surgery done to change his genital organs . But he killed someone . He learned the system well . If he got bored in his cell , he would do anything to hurt himself so he could be housed in one of the Suicide Watch cells in Intake . Because he knew many male bodies arrive every minutes . And that was his pleasure . During one of those watches , that was when I caught him alluring the newly - arrested bodies formed in a line . And he got in trouble ! We decided to house him in a particular cell where there was a very tiny window and he wouldn 't be able to see nor be seen because it was only the staff who had the control of that window … And he grew silent . He learned a lesson . That his acts were unacceptable . He learned that he was causing embarrassment , not only to himself , but also to staff and to those who were being disgusted by his weird behavior . And he stopped . For a while . Until he was transferred to another state prison . 9 / 11 remembrance . It was not over . This memory always must resurface . Because this memory was too painful to Americans . To those who suffered precious loss of lives so dear to them . Too hurtful because it was a deliberate act of murder to those innocent ones . I did post about God 's love that we must learn to forgive . But how do we do it when such acts seem forgiveness is just an impossible thing to do ? Letting an offender off the hook encourages him to repeat the same style of behavior again . And again . Yes , God does command us to love Him first , then love others . No bias . Other . Anyone . When something like this happens , a crack between relationships occur . It widens . Until there 's no closeness even and the separation so great that there seems to be no hope with reconciliation . We pretend sometimes that the hurt will not last . Wounds heal . And that people change . But we miss an opportunity to experience the joy of honest love , forgiveness and reconciliation if we keep on doing so . With God , there is balance in everything . We should not tolerate sins yet be able to forgive and rebuke at the same time only if coupled with His love . We can openly rebuke at times , if only the offenders can understand that being rebuked is a way of honoring them . Because rebuke makes them think and be accountable for their actions . It is a way of honoring them , not fanning the flame of anger nor fury . It is a way of making them weigh and look into their inner selves to understand clearly what they have done . Other times , we must pray . Jesus did it on the cross : Only God knows . Only God can bring the wounded ones toward the path of healing . Only God can bring those responsible ones to repentance . But two things are for sure , we do not close our eyes to sins that are more serious than we want to believe and our Christ - like faith does not mean believing whatever we want to believe . It is believing what His Word says . And obedience as being true followers of Jesus is after all , our duty ! Fight ? Yes , we must fight ! For His truth and for His glory alone ! Not for anyone 's self - interest . For we are engaged in this spiritual struggle until the Lord returns ! To God be the glory forever and ever ! " Put on salvation as your helmet , and take the sword of the Spirit , which is the word of God . Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit . Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere . " - Ephesians 6 : 17 - 18 " Daddy [ my hubby ] woke me up and called me from his cell phone . He broke the news about this evil act of terrorism . He was riding in one of the Metrolink trains , bound for his work as _____ [ someone who loves to serve and protect this country 's freedom ] . I hated the fact that you [ my son ] would wake up to this kind of violence … " How do you just explain to a very young mind , waking up to that evil act in front of the tv set , that somehow , some enemies found some vulnerabilities in America , where they could intentionally harm it and its people . Land of the free . Land of equality … ? " Some wounds heal . Some wounds don 't . This is the kind of wound that America had sustained from its political and spiritual enemy . It cut so deep that Americans ' hearts would be forever marred . But I believe that through " love " , wounds do heal . The scar would forever be there . But I believe … . love is the answer : " Listen to me , all you who are left in Israel . I created you and have cared for you since before you were born . I will be your God throughout your lifetime - until your hair is white with age . I made you , and I will care for you . I will carry you along and save you . To whom will you compare me ? Who is my equal ? " - Isaiah 46 : 4 - 5 " O Israel , how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles ? How can you say God refuses to hear your case ? Have you never heard or understood ? Don 't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God , the Creator of all the earth ? He never grows faint or weary . No one can measure the depths of his understanding . He gives power to those who are tired and worn out ; he offers strength to the weak . Even youths will become exhausted and young men will give up . But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength . They will fly high on wings like eagles . They will run and not grow weary . They will walk and not faint . " - Isaiah 40 : 27 - 30 Father God , I remember all the pain , all the hurt that morning . It still comes to mind as fresh as it was 9 years ago . Because I know this nation wept . Because I know You wept . Lord , to those who lost their loved ones on that day , please cover them with Your strength and comfort . To those who have been enveloped with fear , please sustain them with the courage that comes from Your powerful hands . Lord , please protect us and continue to guide us , as we continue to walk in our own journeys . Despite the pain , despite the wounds , help us grow in Your likeness . Help us share Your faithful and unconditional love with those who don 't know or acknowledge You . Guide the leaders Lord in this country and give us a revival in all of our hearts . To know You . To seek You . To turn back to you . And turn away from all those things that do not glorify You . Lord , help the people of this great nation to come together and because of Your love , be united instead of being divided out of all our differences . Help us not wait until another tragedy comes to be united . In Jesus ' Name . Amen . I forgot … today would be the second day for my husband to attend the " Street Survival " seminar . An important seminar for those who are serving in the law enforcement that inspire or motivate them , not only to survive but to win . Not to win as in power struggle . But to win against the bad elements in different areas in our society . The " I love you " I often uttered was held this morning as I handed him a freshly - brewed cup of coffee . A little misunderstanding we had from the previous night we both nursed in our hearts and grew worse as nighttime fell . I watched his quiet steps disappear into darkness , as the cold air brushed against my face . I ran upstairs and I knew I needed to talk to the One Who had been hurt , watching the both of us act this way . And the hurt slowly melted away as His Word talked to my spirit . I just knew . The ugly things of this worldly ways I was programmed with , would always clash with the renewal of mind that would only come from Him . The kind that 's true . Honorable . Right . Pure . Lovely . Admirable . Excellent . Worthy of praise . And peace did come sweeping over me . If my husband was going to a survival seminar , I knew I needed to do my own . To help my marriage survive . To help us win against the spiritual enemy who is always active in destroying what is good . To win ? " No ! ! ! " Not to win . " I 'm sorry , " I uttered as I heard a soft sigh on the other end of the line . A little conversation . But precious and timely . We both knew our exchange of words would bring the healing . The forgiveness . The restoration . " Take care . I love you , " I uttered as he did the same . And my cell phone rested back on the ledge as I started charging it . I softly prayed : " Thank You Lord for recharging us at times that we feel drained out from all the fights and trials we are facing daily . Thank You for Your Word . For Your guidance . For Your protection . Without You , we are not going to win . But because of You , we truly are winners ! In Jesus ' Name . Amen . " " And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord . And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us , we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more . " - 2 Corinthians 3 : 18 " A final word : Be strong in the Lord 's mighty power . Put on all of God 's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the devil . For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood , but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world , against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world , and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms . " - Ephesians 6 : 10 - 12 " I 've been having this chest pain just this morning , " a middle aged female inmate stated in between her sobs , as the LVN and I took her vital signs . She never had any problem in her heart known and nothing was in her medical chart . Except , I noticed she often came if not in the Clinic , through the morning sick calls in her unit , to see the nurse for many different complaints . " No ! There 's no way that you 're gonna ' do that thing ! I had it a while back and it made me shake ! " she yelled as her tears continued to flow . She had a feat ! She raised her hands up on the air and yelled , " Oh , what now ? Am I supposed to go naked now ? C ' mon ! I 'm not in Africa ! " she yelled . It was obvious to us , that she wasn 't having true chest pains for her to make it hard on the nursing staff from the beginning of her sick call . Demanding things she said she needed . Yet , she was refusing what we needed to do on our part . And I saw how offended my co - worker felt when she heard what she just uttered ! " Here we are going all through these troubles to help you out even though it 's obvious that you 're not having true medical emergencies . Yet , we try to respect you . And what did you just say ? " I kept ranting . " If we are respecting you , you must respect us , too ! " I continued without pausing as she didn 't expect that and as she heard me say those things , she tried to be defensive with her tears and complaining again with chest pains . The Infirmary deputy heard me and she went inside . She heard how she was being a hard patient with us . She started yelling at her and told her to stop . " Let me just finish the EKG deputy , " I stated . And it was normal . I signaled for the deputy to let her go . The deputy told her to get up and get dressed and she knew she could be in big trouble that I could put her on discipline , meaning limiting some of her privileges for faking her medical emergency . But I opted not to . I told the deputy she wasn 't the only one who manipulated the system to make it appear that they were having medical issues . They faked their conditions and used them to show the court that they were too sick that they might not be in the right state of mind to commit whatever crimes they did . Hoping that the judge would pardon them and perhaps , release them form the jail . " You don 't need it ! You don 't need anything in fact ! But you need to go to your unit and I 'm going to call your deputy there so they know that all you did here was act up and cause troubles with the staff ! If you do it again , you 'll be in big trouble , " she warned . Don 't we all at some point , try to manipulate God ? Instead of following what He wants for us to do , we try to earn His love or favor by doing good deeds . Isn 't that manipulation ? There is nothing that we can do to make Him love us more or less . God can 't be manipulated . He desires our true worship . He wants us to love Him with all of our hearts , all of our minds , all of our strength . We don 't need to fake that we are doing well when we are truly broken inside and in need of a Savior . Freedom awaits to those who are willing to receive the sacrifice of a Savior . And obedience to God leads the way to that path toward freedom . We were His . . . Twice His ! ! ! I saw her grew quiet . Constantly rubbing the top of her right shoulder , her brows met together with a fretted look . " Are you okay ? " chorused my co - workers and I to our charge nurse . I covered her assignment for a couple of hours as she warned the PM shift that she would come in at 1 : 00 a . m . instead of the usual 11 : 30 start of her shift last night . Few minutes before 1 a . m . , I saw her shadow emerged from the Female side of the Clinic as I responded to her buzzing the bell on the wall . As she sat down on her familiar chair , she recounted her incident of falling earlier yesterday . She tripped in her home , and landed hard with her right arm , stretched outward . She felt pain , more like soreness . Like what I had written before , us , nurses , are being stubborn most of the time and waiting always for the symptoms to get worse before seeking medical help [ you 'd think we should know better ] . She was not concerned as she didn 't feel severe pain and that she didn 't dislocate her shoulder . I had her lift the sleeve of her right arm . I noticed some swelling . Accepting my offer to wrap her arm with a compression bandage [ Acewrap ] , I tried to recall my previous expertise of looping the elastic wrap without causing much pain to her already painful arm . " Sorry , Rcubes . I think I need to go home early and would like to ask you if you can cover for me when I leave . I 'm gonna ' go ahead and go to the Urgent Care . Thank you so much for wrapping my arm . It does feel better , " she commented . " No ! Go ahead ! Leave if you need to , " we all said with concern . " I know the pain … " I added , as I told her about my own incident of hurting something on my upper back few weeks ago . It was not the same but the pain was much better . Where I hurt , was the same spot now for her source of discomfort that I could just relate so well . She felt better with all the caring wishes she received . I prayed silently for the Lord to heal her injury . Things happen to all of us unexpectedly . Death comes inevitably . Plans get ruined . Money and other resources become scarce . Relationships get broken . At times , these trials drive us to God . But we must not think that going to Him will make our trials and troubles go away or disappear just like that . If we think that way , then we will have the wrong desire to turn to God just so we can be relieved of all these sufferings . God did offer comfort to all of us . He is after all , the Best Comforter . His comfort is that kind that encourages us , strengthens us in our weaknesses , and gives us the hope when everything seems to be hopeless . His comfort helps us to learn how to endure . And as we do so , we , in turn , with the right set of mind , are able to comfort others as they go through their own trials . Especially if what they are going through is the same as what we had gone through . " All praise to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ . He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us . He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others . When others are troubled , we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us . You can be sure that the more we suffer for Christ , the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ . " ICE - apply ice or frozen object like a bag of corn or peas sitting in your freezer . The cold prevents swelling . Do it for 20 minutes , three times a day for the first 48 hours . ELEVATE - put the area higher than your heart . Like raising the arm or leg by supporting it with a pillow or a rolled blanket . This also helps reduce the swelling . He chose to remain silent . His eyes glowing intensely with anger along with the throbbing pain he was feeling on his right arm , being twisted caused . " See ! Look ! My right hand is swelling up now ! " he exclaimed with a slightly raised voice . The Infirmary Deputy stood nearby , guarding all his ways and keeping an eye on me , as I continued to assess the man 's right arm . I ordered for him to try to do all the necessary movements : rotate , flex , extend , to no avail . He claimed his pain was too much and just limited every attempt to move his upper extremity . " Just watch it ! " he warned … . as he grew quiet . My eyes read his mind . I knew he had every bit of intention to sue . He felt violated . Don 't they all say or plan that ? These inmates always threaten us that we will be sued . But they don 't readily admit that they are not willing to follow the rules inside the prison . They know and memorize every right from Title 15 . . . Yet , they have never even thought twice or many times to avoid committing a crime outside . They choose to hurt others . They choose to take advantage of others . But with slight pain which resulted from not listening , he was not willing to let go nor admit he was wrong in the first place . It 's not easy when others have wronged us . In this country , every little offense feeds that hunger to sue . But as Christians , we should be reminded that we have the Holy Spirit and the mind of Christ . We must be willing to settle our disputes and differences among ourselves . Bringing our problems to courts who do not believe on Christian values sometimes , will make them insensitive to what we truly value . As followers of Christ , we must learn to focus on our purposes , not the problems . " When you have something against another Christian , why do you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter , instead of taking it to other Christians to decide who is right ? Don 't you know that someday we Christians are going to judge the world ? And since you are going to judge the world , can 't you decide these little things among yourselves ? " - 1 Cor . 6 : 1 - 2 " But I don 't need to write to you about the Christian love that should be shown among God 's people . For God himself has taught you to love one another . " - 1 Thessalonians 4 : 9 That man 's arm was okay . I had the jail doctor followed up with him . His arm was not injured . His pride was . Knowing that he couldn 't do anything to fight back behind the prison walls . Not until he learns to follow the authority , those arms would always be chicken - winged here and there . I looked the second time around and noticed that his gash on his right upper eyelid was not bleeding . But when I tried to separate the laceration , I could see that it was a little deeper and did need some suturing . I knew that if we had the Dermabond [ a special glue used for some lacerations ] , that was the only thing that I needed to close the cut up . " No , ma ' am . Everything 's cool there , " he answered with certainty as he maintained a good eye contact with me . " I 'm only concerned with your medical issues . But sometimes , some of you don 't like to say anything . And I want to help you out on that aspect , " I explained . Few hours later , he returned from the county 's ER . His deep gash then , was cleanly put together with Dermabond by the ER doctor . As I took his vital signs before sending him back to his unit , he nervously asked the deputy , " Sir , can you move me to another unit ? " He looked at me . He didn 't say a word . He started to realize why I probed him earlier when I first treated him . It was too late at that time . Because he denied any assault from other cellmates . Is there something so deep that is bothering you now ? Eating your heart out ? We are all weak humans . But we can talk to the Deputy anytime , anywhere and ask for His help to make us win our battles . God 's mighty weapons are available to us as we fight against the unseen enemies : prayers , faith , hope , love , God 's Word can break down any proud , human arguments against God and can break down any barrier that the spiritual enemy had created to keep us from being effective in fulfilling His work in us . God 's salvation is right in front of us . It 's on people 's lips and heart . " If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead , you will be saved . For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God , and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved . " - Romans 10 : 9 - 10 " For though we live in the world , we do not wage war as the world does . The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world . On the contrary , they have divine power to demolish strongholds . We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God , and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ . " - 2 Corinthians 10 : 3 - 5 My right shoulder is feeling better friends . I seem to be more slow and take more time to accomplish things . But I am grateful that the Lord always gives me the strength that I need to finish the things that I need to fulfill , day after day . Thank you for all of your sweet thoughts and prayers . My right shoulder still gets achy , time to time . But in all of this , I am still thankful that through the pain , this is nothing compared to the suffering Christ had to go through in order to save me and you . I am continuing to rest . I might visit your sites once in a while and might not leave a comment . Through your written words inspired by the Lord , I am being strengthened , being encouraged , being inspired , and being pushed to keep trusting in the One Who is our sole security . Glory be to God ! Being Christians do not mean we are going to be rid of suffering . Suffering happens to all because of sins . But to live our lives with Christ , following Christ , that sets our journeys apart . For we know whether we are suffering or not , we are living our lives with a purpose . We are not living our lives in vain . May our journeys point others to our " Savior Who suffered the most in order for us to live . . . " " 7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all - surpassing power is from God and not from us . 8We are hard pressed on every side , but not crushed ; perplexed , but not in despair ; 9persecuted , but not abandoned ; struck down , but not destroyed . 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus , so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body . 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus ' sake , so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body . 12So then , death is at work in us , but life is at work in you . " - 2 Cor . 4 : 7 - 12 [ NIV ] The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies . Out in the prison 's yard , some huge Sheriff 's buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts . Their engines were turned on , warming up , before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials . Orange - uniformed men were lined up in pairs , joined together with handcuffs and chained , forming a long line . They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts . Some were fidgeting , as they waited to board those buses . All of a sudden , all hell broke loose ! Two men were engaged in a fight , using weapons they made secretly for a while . Deputies called for help on the radio , both for custody back - up and medical staff , as well . When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured , one man was down on the floor . He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep . One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line . The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck , close to the jugular vein . Pool of blood dripped all over the floor . Holding his bleeding neck , he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away , being guarded by the other deputies . The other man being accused was not hurt . There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma . He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies , while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor . They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding . That man was sent to the nearby hospital . When the investigation was finalized , it turned out to be that the " downed man who was accusing the other inmate " was the attacker and the other one who didn 't have injury was the one attacked . The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man . Both attacks on him failed . He was well - prepared after the first attempt on him , that when the second attempt was done , he was able to defend himseld and endFriends

I have become one of your biggest OediPals . Not just because I have read everything you have posted somewhere on the web , but because one of your stories was instrumental in helping me to connect in a wondrous way with my mother , and we became lovers . Just like Allen , in that five part saga of his , which you provided on line for your faithful fans , I am happy to share with you our introduction into incest . ( You are welcome to pass on to your readers , with mom 's and my blessings ) . In return , for our personal account , we would like to ask a favor . I am now thirty - two , divorced , and have lived with my mother for the last six years . Our affair began a year ago , but had it 's roots many years earlier . Before I go into the details of that tale , I wish to provide some context . I came across your writings about three years ago by accident , a misspelling when I Googled about the Oedipus Complex . I had one , which had been brewing and was now bubbling in full ferment . Being a house - mate with my mom was stirring up the feelings I had , which had never been very dormant in the first place . Let me say that I found the advice in your " Open Letter " to the mother , ' Jocasta ' was good advice and gave me a real impetus to set in motion my own plan to try to have sex with my mom . I thought sharing one of your stories , printed out and offered to her with a note , might send a message . But it would have to be the right one . I did not want to wind up a wannabe , as you described in your autobiographical telling of " Cum , Ye Motherfuckers , Cum " , of course you did fuck your mom in the end , in a way . I used the guide to your works found at the end of " Mother 's Port In A Storm " as a check list to search for a work that would work . I think " All About the Birds & Bees & Billy " was probably your hottest , but it wasn 't quite the opening I wanted . Mom wasn 't much of a drinker or did grass anymore , so the " Tokin ' " , while awfully good , didn 't fit the bill . Moreover , it and " Family Trip " were too long anyway . Wrong time of the year for " Y2K " , and " Pandora 's Box Got Me Mom 's Box " required too much explanation for my strategy . ( By the way , great work on that graphic novel collaboration with PB ; Joss , your French partner , helped too , right ? Please thank Joss for sending your latest one " To Kiss Where I Came From " . ) To make this short , I finally settled on " Perfect Air , Perfect Heir " as the best piece . I don 't know why I didn 't think of it straight off the bat , as you will understand when I go into details about how I got mom to at last make love with me . It also relates , in a way , to the favor we are requesting in return for our being open with you about our intimate living arrangements . Now , the dialog is close to the words we actually spoke , as I provide the narration , but I didn 't have a recorder on . Mom did help me to reconstruct what we said , so it is fairly accurate , and the action is actually what happened . My , excuse me , mother says to say - our affair - began with my decision to have my mother know about my sexual feelings for her . My name is Dan and I was 31 , living at my mom 's house , since my ex , Sue , divorced me . ( Her temperament and mine were oil and water , our split having nothing to do with my Oedipal hang up . ) Mom , called Cassie , and my father had divorced when I was twenty - two . [ Not out real names ] She is presently a fit 53 . Mom reminds me of Diane Lane in a recent movie , only with a strawberry - blond color . Natural too ! I 'm sure of that , I have the proof of the pud - ding , so to speak . I 'm getting a little thick , but still athletic . I jog , mom goes to a gym . Though now days , we have a way of ' working - out ' together . We were rather independent generally , before our incestuous involvement . Both of us had been in other relationships during that period , some long , others shorter . The house was big enough that we didn 't bump elbows . Sleep - overs of lovers were not usual , but not unknown to happen on occasion . My thought was that if I presented a letter of what was in my heart and head and hard - on , along with an erotic story that it could possibly strike a chord ; perhaps stir up some feelings I hoped - suspected - she had . That it might lead to something between us . At least , I wouldn 't have to wonder anymore if there was a prospect that we might get together , intimately . Your story of the mother and son , naked on a beach , who wind up making love , was both quite erotic , and even perhaps poetic . It reflected a certain incident that had been critical and crucial to some underlying dynamics between the two of us . That specific occasion I thought I might have detected a subtle undercurrent of influence in our relationship . However , these tensions were unspoken and unacknowledged , but for me , they were certainly undeniable . I bought a very large , oversize romantic card . In the envelope with it , I put the print - out of " Perfect Air , Perfect Heir " . On the card I wrote this note : I want to thank you for all the love you have given me my whole life . I couldn 't ask for a better mom . I hope I have been a son you are proud of , I think you are . I happened on this tale some time ago on the Internet . I found it both beautiful in it 's sentiment and very arousing in it 's sensuality . I know it is a strange sort of thing for a son to share with his mother , but I have an idea that you might also like to read it . I trust that you will not be angry at me for giving it to you . You don 't have to read it if you decide that the subject matter is inappropriate . I gave her the big envelope and instructed her to open it after she had retired to her bedroom that evening . It was not Mother 's Day , not Valentine 's Day , nor her birthday . No special day , not even the anniversary of the ' incident ' of fateful memory . It was an invitation to incest . It was a bold and blatant attempt to interest my dear mother in having intercourse with me , her only child , her son . I didn 't know whether it would work or not . I thought that knowing my mother , as well as I did , that she would not be totally outraged . But she might just laugh it off , even if she was not offended . The worst I thought , that she would be a bit estranged for some time , that things between us be strained for a while . I wouldn 't want to alienate the most important person in my life , but on the other hand , I thought that the situation could be a happy one as well . If the plan worked , then our circumstances might be a joyous union , instead of a dreadful division . I was very nervous when she finally left to go upstairs . I decided that I would listen outside her door , to see if there were any auditory clues , to what her reaction was to the card and story . What I heard was some whispering as she read the card out loud to herself . Then a gasp , then a tittering of laughter , followed by a period of silence . Much like the youngster in your four - part " Sounds of Incest " , I then had the rare privilege of listening to my mother masturbate . I was too keyed up to stand there and jerk - off myself , lest she come out for some reason , and discover me ease - dropping at her door . After hearing her climax , I silently went to my room and waxed my pole thinking of what might have been , and of what I had listen to surreptitiously , and what might be . If my wishes came true , then I would be cumming with her soon . Is it okay to pray for a sin ? The next morning I came down to the kitchen , I didn 't know what to expect . I had heard the sounds of my mother masturbating and climaxing last night , but I was unsure if your story had turned her on , or if it just had gotten her thinking in the general area of sex . Of course , I hoped it had planted a seed in her mind , or rather , more to the point , was watering a sprout that had been planted long ago . That seedling was what I was wishing had germinated , an idea taking root and breaking through to the light now , to grow and bud and flower . However , I was unsure of what her reaction had been . What I did have as evidence , that the results of the risk I had taken of upsetting her , perhaps even creating a rift between us , had not been too negative , was that there had been no immediate drama . There wasn 't any confrontation , no screams or weeping , not any of the sort of hysterics and angry words that mom was capable of . That fiery redhead temper was not shy about making you aware of exactly what she was thinking . Her feelings were out there for you to see , she didn 't hide them . She assuredly could be quite demonstrative in her reactions . As I entered the kitchen all seemed normal . She was in her robe and making coffee , putting some dishes away from the sink , puttering around , typical mom . She came over to the table with two cups of brew , set one before me and sat opposite me . She tilted her head and looked at me with an odd expression . Then she smiled and took a sip before she spoke . " That was a . . . very unusual kind of story for a kid to present to his parent . May I ask what on earth prompted you to give me a copy - of that specific story . I mean its weird enough to have a sexual fiction offered to you by your child . . . I know your not a child , I mean one 's offspring . . . much less an erotic tale of incest for a son to share with his mother . " " Let me finish . Not just that it was about a mother and son having relations , but the very setting and nature of the whole . . . plot and context . . . why that particular story ? Why , what - is there some significance to not just what kind of porno you passed to me , but which one , which exact story you chose to put into my envelope ? " I sighed , ' here it goes ' , I thought , this is it . I either bust the wonderful friendship I have developed with my mom , that we have built over the past five years , or it goes to a whole other level . It wasn 't going to be the same , one way or another , I imagined . " You remember the time all three of us , dad , you and I , were out hiking , the summer I turned eighteen ? We came upon that isolated fishing cabin on that little lake ? " " You and your dad decided to go shinny - dipping . Nobody was around , the owners were not home . It was all locked up , they probably came only on weekends . When we discovered the place it was a weekday . " There 's more to it than just the dip in the lake . When I was about twenty - three , I went to visit dad , after you guys were divorced , before I met Sue . We were getting a bit sloshed one night and started swapping histories of our youthful conquests with the ladies . " " More than you know , or rather than you previously suspected up until last night . See , I have had the hots for you , ever since that day at the lake I mentioned . But I never ever mentioned it to anyone until that evening with dad . Let me continue before you say anything , because I 'm coming to the answer to your question about why that story . I simply said that I thought you were a MILF , then had to explain the term to him . Dad got quiet for a moment , lost in thought and then he himself brought up the skinny - dipping day . He told me never to say a word to anyone about what he was going to tell me next . " I heard mom hold her breathe , I had her full attention , I was pretty sure she knew where this was going . " Dad said that night , back at your cabin , you were , uh . . . unusually excited , sexual aroused . You were especially hot - to - trot , and wild in bed . A real tigress . He said he thought it might have been because you had seen me naked and been turned - on by your own son . He said the . . effect lasted several weeks , in fact . He wasn 't positive , but it was the only thing he could think of , which might have been a stimulating influence around that period . " " So , you thought that the story by . . . Odeiplex , was it . . . about a mother and son skinny - dipping together and then making love on the beach . . . would be romantic ? Would get my - juices , if you will , flowing ? " " Mom , we have been in the same house for over five years now . More buddies than parent and child . And I am your child . Even though I 'm thirty - one , I also know that I will always in some way be your boy , still though I 'm an adult , and I am confident that you recognize that fact . We both have had dates in the span of our living with one another , even on occasion each of us has brought their respective escorts home , overnight . We are both grown - ups , and have no illusions about the other being sexually active . But you haven 't gone out in close to a year . It 's nearly been as long for me , as well . " " So ? What , you thought that the ' Old Lady " is likely horny - and so are you . . why don 't both of us get it on ? We 're all adults . Is that what this is all about ? " " No ! Mom ! Not like that . . . exactly . I gave that story - the particular story which was as close to the memory . . , " I paused , struck by a realization , " so you did read it . " " As near to what we had . . uh , been doing , when . . . " I decided to come to the point . " Well , if you had been aroused by me . If you were aroused by your own son that day . Like I became interested in you , in that way on that same day . Uhm . . . while we couldn 't have done anything back then . . " " Yeah , but I don 't mean that . I mean you were still married to dad , and I was young and more innocent than not . All though , I wasn 't a virgin at that point . Betty Johnson had taken my cherry a few months before . " " Well , it did " she stood up . " In fact , I masturbated last night , thinking of that day at the lake . Thinking of you , like you wanted me to do . " She undid the belt of her robe . " I was so hot , I had a real big cum . " Mom shrugged the garment off her shoulders and opened it a few inches . She was wearing just a soft bra and some tight cotton panties . My dick was beginning to rise . " I wasn 't sure what I was going to do this morning , about the situation . . " The dressing gown dropped to the linoleum . " But since we have had this little talk , and you confirmed what I have , for years , suspected , that you gotta thing for your momma . " She started to walk toward me and my boner was stiff in my jockeys . " And now I 'm getting wet down there , because my handsome son has set up the opportunity for me to have what I have had a hankerin ' for . . " She straddled me on the kitchen chair . " The hunk of meat I saw hangin ' between your legs , thirteen years ago . " She sat . It WAS one of the most erotic moments of my life . Right up there with losing my virginity , the first time I screwed Sue , and including the view of mom at the lake , with her undies wet and her charms quite distinctly visible through the translucent material . I was fully erect now and my mother 's panty clad bush was pushing against it . She wrapped her arms around me and pulled my head into the pillows of her bosom . My arms hugged her , my hands on her back . I was in heaven , and all was right with my world . We were going to be closer that ever , we were going to be lovers , we were going to fuck ! I nuzzled into her cleavage as mom kissed the top of my head . Then she whispered in my ear , " You like mommy 's mammeries so much , why don 't you kiss them ? " I turned so that my lips were smooching the tops of her boobs above the bra . She continued her gentle direction , " Get to the point , toggle my tips , nibble my nipples . " I reached up to her shoulder blades and found the catch and undid the three hooks that held back the tender ta - tas . They sprang free , and the straps of her top slid down her arms . I grasped one end of the clasp and dragged the whole article off . Now those double delights were before me for my oral gratification . I began to suckle . Her fingers ran through my hair , and she gave a little giggle . I mouthed the small , pastel rosettes that capped her peaks . My tongue swirled over the erect buds , and she drew in a sharp breath , and then let out a long sigh . I use my oral digit to flick over the fleshy buttons , mom went , " Mmm ! " Her hands sought to pull my tee - shirt over my head , and I backed away to allow the clothing to be stripped off my torso . As soon as I was as topless as she , mom clamped me in a clench , so we were chest to breasts , her nipples poking into my pects . The warmth of her body heat seemed the very comfort of mothering love , like being tucked in with your favorite blankey , the assurance a child needs that they are safe and protected and adored . Meanwhile , something entirely adult was taking place below the belt . Mom had begun to grind her pelvis against my prominent manhood . Even though two layers of fabric separated our genitals , they were of one accord , in that action which they wanted . I made what little humping I could , pinned down on the seat by her spanning hips . The movement was making me mad with desire . Mom too , as suddenly she jumped up and looking me right in the eye said , " I can 't wait any longer . I need you in me . Shuck those shorts , right now ! " As she ordered me , so she , herself , followed suit and yanked her undies straight down her legs , and nimbly stepped out of the tiny pile of panties . I saw for the first time , in almost a quarter of a century , the wispy , fluffy puff that provided indisputable evidence that her auburn gilt was natural . The pout of her split was blushing , and it glistened within the crevice with a promise of an easy entrance . My tightie - whities were down in an instant , as I plopped back on the chair , my rod rigid and ready . Another drop of pre - cum appeared at the head of my helmet , as I saw mom spread her thighs , and begin to mount my saddle horn . She reached to where our loins were coming together and directed the object of her hunger to her hole . With the almost scalding heat of our touching , for the first time where man and woman unite , I cried my call of ecstatic excitement as a shout , " Mommy , I love you ! " - - " Baby ! " was her equally ardent and voluminous vocal reply as she sank on my shank . Then I was sliding down into her vagina . I was rising up into her cunt . I was passing deep within her pussy . I was in my mother 's body once more . I was surprised how tight it was . The moist clinging tissue seemed to stretch over every square centimeter of skin on my cock . Elastic and yet pliant mom 's sweet cavity enclosed my penis . Her vagina was the most pleasurable place that piece of sensitive muscle had ever been . We held in that pose , for who knows how long . It could have been hours , but it was not long enough . It might have been only half a minute , because our mutual craving to repeat the penetration drove a second stroke , then a third rushed after , in an instant . Then , the stampede of schtupping was on . I didn 't have to do much but hold my hips at a slight angle off the chair . I helped better by hanging on to mom 's buns to keep her aligned . Her legs were in great shape from those workouts . She rocked and rolled on my Stratocastor , the music we made was electric , a wailing guitar gone wild . I heard her little squeaks of elation grow into full blown shrieks of ecstasy . My own grunts of delight rose to groans of the intense anguish , that almost unbearable sensation of happy hurting , which pricks are prone to , when peaking . The first time couldn 't last any sort of length , since we were both so primed to make up for that lost time of past suppression , in one flash of passion . Like the bright flare of the pan of antique photographers , we consumed our explosive lust . Steamy and sweaty , our bodies convulsed with the physical contortions and mental inflammation of cataclysmic climaxes . Orgasm seems so tame a word , to describe the paroxysms and constrictions of the whole human organism , which possessed our very being at the pinnacle of perfect bliss . We had rejoined in body , we had merged in spirit , we were now melded into one another ; an alloy of flesh , an amalgam of family , genetic bonding , between mother and son . I felt my love flow as a stream into her womb , pumping the essence of my system 's essential life - force with my seed . My sperm - messengers of my everlasting lust . Mother 's emulsions of her womanhood washed over my dick and balls . The lotion of sex was a white froth that blended with my dribbling spume , seeping out of her hollow . Mother was hoarsely panting , she collapsed onto my front , her slick globes pressed wonderfully on my heaving chest . I felt like I had run a marathon , winded and soaked with perspiration . My once rutting ram was now but a weak worm that slid from her center . I encircled mom 's ribs and held her to me , in an embrace that was the most special we had ever shared . We kissed and carried on that day and ever since . I introduce my mom to other stories of yours , as well as other favorite writers and artist and my photo collection , my video clips of incest etc . . We like to role - play the frolicking plots and raunchy romps we read of , the various scenes and settings that we find erotic and romantic . ( By the way , please feel free to put your special spin on the above loving chronicle of our carnal coupling and incestuous copulation . ) Which leads us to our request of you , O Oediplex of nasty nights and dirty days . If you would be so kind , could you concoct a naughty narrative , a tweaked remembrance of our first day of lusting for one another , by the little lake . When sonny saw mommy 's charms and mother hungered for her boy 's toy ? Recast to cut out the father figure , this time we are both bared and no spot is spared from view , nor hole barred , neither are we kept from our passions by any prudish impediment . In other words , we let our libidos loose and lose any inhibitions and give into what we both desire ; to fuck our brains out then and there . Pretty please , with cream on top , mom asks ! Oediplex Responds : Indeed , I 'll do my best . I have completed a composition of just such a scenario at your behest . Entitled " Some Things Were Mint To Be ! " - A remote lake brings mom & son closer . I think it has a flavor which will titillate your sexual senses , hence the reference in the title . Tell us more of your adventures and we shall post for all of the OediPals to cum and enjoy ! Oediplex 8 = = 3 ~ Read 13743 times |

I have become one of your biggest OediPals . Not just because I have read everything you have posted somewhere on the web , but because one of your stories was instrumental in helping me to connect in a wondrous way with my mother , and we became lovers . Just like Allen , in that five part saga of his , which you provided on line for your faithful fans , I am happy to share with you our introduction into incest . ( You are welcome to pass on to your readers , with mom 's and my blessings ) . In return , for our personal account , we would like to ask a favor . I am now thirty - two , divorced , and have lived with my mother for the last six years . Our affair began a year ago , but had it 's roots many years earlier . Before I go into the details of that tale , I wish to provide some context . I came across your writings about three years ago by accident , a misspelling when I Googled about the Oedipus Complex . I had one , which had been brewing and was now bubbling in full ferment . Being a house - mate with my mom was stirring up the feelings I had , which had never been very dormant in the first place . Let me say that I found the advice in your " Open Letter " to the mother , ' Jocasta ' was good advice and gave me a real impetus to set in motion my own plan to try to have sex with my mom . I thought sharing one of your stories , printed out and offered to her with a note , might send a message . But it would have to be the right one . I did not want to wind up a wannabe , as you described in your autobiographical telling of " Cum , Ye Motherfuckers , Cum " , of course you did fuck your mom in the end , in a way . I used the guide to your works found at the end of " Mother 's Port In A Storm " as a check list to search for a work that would work . I think " All About the Birds & Bees & Billy " was probably your hottest , but it wasn 't quite the opening I wanted . Mom wasn 't much of a drinker or did grass anymore , so the " Tokin ' " , while awfully good , didn 't fit the bill . Moreover , it and " Family Trip " were too long anyway . Wrong time of the year for " Y2K " , and " Pandora 's Box Got Me Mom 's Box " required too much explanation for my strategy . ( By the way , great work on that graphic novel collaboration with PB ; Joss , your French partner , helped too , right ? Please thank Joss for sending your latest one " To Kiss Where I Came From " . ) To make this short , I finally settled on " Perfect Air , Perfect Heir " as the best piece . I don 't know why I didn 't think of it straight off the bat , as you will understand when I go into details about how I got mom to at last make love with me . It also relates , in a way , to the favor we are requesting in return for our being open with you about our intimate living arrangements . Now , the dialog is close to the words we actually spoke , as I provide the narration , but I didn 't have a recorder on . Mom did help me to reconstruct what we said , so it is fairly accurate , and the action is actually what happened . My , excuse me , mother says to say - our affair - began with my decision to have my mother know about my sexual feelings for her . My name is Dan and I was 31 , living at my mom 's house , since my ex , Sue , divorced me . ( Her temperament and mine were oil and water , our split having nothing to do with my Oedipal hang up . ) Mom , called Cassie , and my father had divorced when I was twenty - two . [ Not out real names ] She is presently a fit 53 . Mom reminds me of Diane Lane in a recent movie , only with a strawberry - blond color . Natural too ! I 'm sure of that , I have the proof of the pud - ding , so to speak . I 'm getting a little thick , but still athletic . I jog , mom goes to a gym . Though now days , we have a way of ' working - out ' together . We were rather independent generally , before our incestuous involvement . Both of us had been in other relationships during that period , some long , others shorter . The house was big enough that we didn 't bump elbows . Sleep - overs of lovers were not usual , but not unknown to happen on occasion . My thought was that if I presented a letter of what was in my heart and head and hard - on , along with an erotic story that it could possibly strike a chord ; perhaps stir up some feelings I hoped - suspected - she had . That it might lead to something between us . At least , I wouldn 't have to wonder anymore if there was a prospect that we might get together , intimately . Your story of the mother and son , naked on a beach , who wind up making love , was both quite erotic , and even perhaps poetic . It reflected a certain incident that had been critical and crucial to some underlying dynamics between the two of us . That specific occasion I thought I might have detected a subtle undercurrent of influence in our relationship . However , these tensions were unspoken and unacknowledged , but for me , they were certainly undeniable . I bought a very large , oversize romantic card . In the envelope with it , I put the print - out of " Perfect Air , Perfect Heir " . On the card I wrote this note : I want to thank you for all the love you have given me my whole life . I couldn 't ask for a better mom . I hope I have been a son you are proud of , I think you are . I happened on this tale some time ago on the Internet . I found it both beautiful in it 's sentiment and very arousing in it 's sensuality . I know it is a strange sort of thing for a son to share with his mother , but I have an idea that you might also like to read it . I trust that you will not be angry at me for giving it to you . You don 't have to read it if you decide that the subject matter is inappropriate . I gave her the big envelope and instructed her to open it after she had retired to her bedroom that evening . It was not Mother 's Day , not Valentine 's Day , nor her birthday . No special day , not even the anniversary of the ' incident ' of fateful memory . It was an invitation to incest . It was a bold and blatant attempt to interest my dear mother in having intercourse with me , her only child , her son . I didn 't know whether it would work or not . I thought that knowing my mother , as well as I did , that she would not be totally outraged . But she might just laugh it off , even if she was not offended . The worst I thought , that she would be a bit estranged for some time , that things between us be strained for a while . I wouldn 't want to alienate the most important person in my life , but on the other hand , I thought that the situation could be a happy one as well . If the plan worked , then our circumstances might be a joyous union , instead of a dreadful division . I was very nervous when she finally left to go upstairs . I decided that I would listen outside her door , to see if there were any auditory clues , to what her reaction was to the card and story . What I heard was some whispering as she read the card out loud to herself . Then a gasp , then a tittering of laughter , followed by a period of silence . Much like the youngster in your four - part " Sounds of Incest " , I then had the rare privilege of listening to my mother masturbate . I was too keyed up to stand there and jerk - off myself , lest she come out for some reason , and discover me ease - dropping at her door . After hearing her climax , I silently went to my room and waxed my pole thinking of what might have been , and of what I had listen to surreptitiously , and what might be . If my wishes came true , then I would be cumming with her soon . Is it okay to pray for a sin ? The next morning I came down to the kitchen , I didn 't know what to expect . I had heard the sounds of my mother masturbating and climaxing last night , but I was unsure if your story had turned her on , or if it just had gotten her thinking in the general area of sex . Of course , I hoped it had planted a seed in her mind , or rather , more to the point , was watering a sprout that had been planted long ago . That seedling was what I was wishing had germinated , an idea taking root and breaking through to the light now , to grow and bud and flower . However , I was unsure of what her reaction had been . What I did have as evidence , that the results of the risk I had taken of upsetting her , perhaps even creating a rift between us , had not been too negative , was that there had been no immediate drama . There wasn 't any confrontation , no screams or weeping , not any of the sort of hysterics and angry words that mom was capable of . That fiery redhead temper was not shy about making you aware of exactly what she was thinking . Her feelings were out there for you to see , she didn 't hide them . She assuredly could be quite demonstrative in her reactions . As I entered the kitchen all seemed normal . She was in her robe and making coffee , putting some dishes away from the sink , puttering around , typical mom . She came over to the table with two cups of brew , set one before me and sat opposite me . She tilted her head and looked at me with an odd expression . Then she smiled and took a sip before she spoke . " That was a . . . very unusual kind of story for a kid to present to his parent . May I ask what on earth prompted you to give me a copy - of that specific story . I mean its weird enough to have a sexual fiction offered to you by your child . . . I know your not a child , I mean one 's offspring . . . much less an erotic tale of incest for a son to share with his mother . " " Let me finish . Not just that it was about a mother and son having relations , but the very setting and nature of the whole . . . plot and context . . . why that particular story ? Why , what - is there some significance to not just what kind of porno you passed to me , but which one , which exact story you chose to put into my envelope ? " I sighed , ' here it goes ' , I thought , this is it . I either bust the wonderful friendship I have developed with my mom , that we have built over the past five years , or it goes to a whole other level . It wasn 't going to be the same , one way or another , I imagined . " You remember the time all three of us , dad , you and I , were out hiking , the summer I turned eighteen ? We came upon that isolated fishing cabin on that little lake ? " " You and your dad decided to go shinny - dipping . Nobody was around , the owners were not home . It was all locked up , they probably came only on weekends . When we discovered the place it was a weekday . " There 's more to it than just the dip in the lake . When I was about twenty - three , I went to visit dad , after you guys were divorced , before I met Sue . We were getting a bit sloshed one night and started swapping histories of our youthful conquests with the ladies . " " More than you know , or rather than you previously suspected up until last night . See , I have had the hots for you , ever since that day at the lake I mentioned . But I never ever mentioned it to anyone until that evening with dad . Let me continue before you say anything , because I 'm coming to the answer to your question about why that story . I simply said that I thought you were a MILF , then had to explain the term to him . Dad got quiet for a moment , lost in thought and then he himself brought up the skinny - dipping day . He told me never to say a word to anyone about what he was going to tell me next . " I heard mom hold her breathe , I had her full attention , I was pretty sure she knew where this was going . " Dad said that night , back at your cabin , you were , uh . . . unusually excited , sexual aroused . You were especially hot - to - trot , and wild in bed . A real tigress . He said he thought it might have been because you had seen me naked and been turned - on by your own son . He said the . . effect lasted several weeks , in fact . He wasn 't positive , but it was the only thing he could think of , which might have been a stimulating influence around that period . " " So , you thought that the story by . . . Odeiplex , was it . . . about a mother and son skinny - dipping together and then making love on the beach . . . would be romantic ? Would get my - juices , if you will , flowing ? " " Mom , we have been in the same house for over five years now . More buddies than parent and child . And I am your child . Even though I 'm thirty - one , I also know that I will always in some way be your boy , still though I 'm an adult , and I am confident that you recognize that fact . We both have had dates in the span of our living with one another , even on occasion each of us has brought their respective escorts home , overnight . We are both grown - ups , and have no illusions about the other being sexually active . But you haven 't gone out in close to a year . It 's nearly been as long for me , as well . " " So ? What , you thought that the ' Old Lady " is likely horny - and so are you . . why don 't both of us get it on ? We 're all adults . Is that what this is all about ? " " No ! Mom ! Not like that . . . exactly . I gave that story - the particular story which was as close to the memory . . , " I paused , struck by a realization , " so you did read it . " " As near to what we had . . uh , been doing , when . . . " I decided to come to the point . " Well , if you had been aroused by me . If you were aroused by your own son that day . Like I became interested in you , in that way on that same day . Uhm . . . while we couldn 't have done anything back then . . " " Yeah , but I don 't mean that . I mean you were still married to dad , and I was young and more innocent than not . All though , I wasn 't a virgin at that point . Betty Johnson had taken my cherry a few months before . " " Well , it did " she stood up . " In fact , I masturbated last night , thinking of that day at the lake . Thinking of you , like you wanted me to do . " She undid the belt of her robe . " I was so hot , I had a real big cum . " Mom shrugged the garment off her shoulders and opened it a few inches . She was wearing just a soft bra and some tight cotton panties . My dick was beginning to rise . " I wasn 't sure what I was going to do this morning , about the situation . . " The dressing gown dropped to the linoleum . " But since we have had this little talk , and you confirmed what I have , for years , suspected , that you gotta thing for your momma . " She started to walk toward me and my boner was stiff in my jockeys . " And now I 'm getting wet down there , because my handsome son has set up the opportunity for me to have what I have had a hankerin ' for . . " She straddled me on the kitchen chair . " The hunk of meat I saw hangin ' between your legs , thirteen years ago . " She sat . It WAS one of the most erotic moments of my life . Right up there with losing my virginity , the first time I screwed Sue , and including the view of mom at the lake , with her undies wet and her charms quite distinctly visible through the translucent material . I was fully erect now and my mother 's panty clad bush was pushing against it . She wrapped her arms around me and pulled my head into the pillows of her bosom . My arms hugged her , my hands on her back . I was in heaven , and all was right with my world . We were going to be closer that ever , we were going to be lovers , we were going to fuck ! I nuzzled into her cleavage as mom kissed the top of my head . Then she whispered in my ear , " You like mommy 's mammeries so much , why don 't you kiss them ? " I turned so that my lips were smooching the tops of her boobs above the bra . She continued her gentle direction , " Get to the point , toggle my tips , nibble my nipples . " I reached up to her shoulder blades and found the catch and undid the three hooks that held back the tender ta - tas . They sprang free , and the straps of her top slid down her arms . I grasped one end of the clasp and dragged the whole article off . Now those double delights were before me for my oral gratification . I began to suckle . Her fingers ran through my hair , and she gave a little giggle . I mouthed the small , pastel rosettes that capped her peaks . My tongue swirled over the erect buds , and she drew in a sharp breath , and then let out a long sigh . I use my oral digit to flick over the fleshy buttons , mom went , " Mmm ! " Her hands sought to pull my tee - shirt over my head , and I backed away to allow the clothing to be stripped off my torso . As soon as I was as topless as she , mom clamped me in a clench , so we were chest to breasts , her nipples poking into my pects . The warmth of her body heat seemed the very comfort of mothering love , like being tucked in with your favorite blankey , the assurance a child needs that they are safe and protected and adored . Meanwhile , something entirely adult was taking place below the belt . Mom had begun to grind her pelvis against my prominent manhood . Even though two layers of fabric separated our genitals , they were of one accord , in that action which they wanted . I made what little humping I could , pinned down on the seat by her spanning hips . The movement was making me mad with desire . Mom too , as suddenly she jumped up and looking me right in the eye said , " I can 't wait any longer . I need you in me . Shuck those shorts , right now ! " As she ordered me , so she , herself , followed suit and yanked her undies straight down her legs , and nimbly stepped out of the tiny pile of panties . I saw for the first time , in almost a quarter of a century , the wispy , fluffy puff that provided indisputable evidence that her auburn gilt was natural . The pout of her split was blushing , and it glistened within the crevice with a promise of an easy entrance . My tightie - whities were down in an instant , as I plopped back on the chair , my rod rigid and ready . Another drop of pre - cum appeared at the head of my helmet , as I saw mom spread her thighs , and begin to mount my saddle horn . She reached to where our loins were coming together and directed the object of her hunger to her hole . With the almost scalding heat of our touching , for the first time where man and woman unite , I cried my call of ecstatic excitement as a shout , " Mommy , I love you ! " - - " Baby ! " was her equally ardent and voluminous vocal reply as she sank on my shank . Then I was sliding down into her vagina . I was rising up into her cunt . I was passing deep within her pussy . I was in my mother 's body once more . I was surprised how tight it was . The moist clinging tissue seemed to stretch over every square centimeter of skin on my cock . Elastic and yet pliant mom 's sweet cavity enclosed my penis . Her vagina was the most pleasurable place that piece of sensitive muscle had ever been . We held in that pose , for who knows how long . It could have been hours , but it was not long enough . It might have been only half a minute , because our mutual craving to repeat the penetration drove a second stroke , then a third rushed after , in an instant . Then , the stampede of schtupping was on . I didn 't have to do much but hold my hips at a slight angle off the chair . I helped better by hanging on to mom 's buns to keep her aligned . Her legs were in great shape from those workouts . She rocked and rolled on my Stratocastor , the music we made was electric , a wailing guitar gone wild . I heard her little squeaks of elation grow into full blown shrieks of ecstasy . My own grunts of delight rose to groans of the intense anguish , that almost unbearable sensation of happy hurting , which pricks are prone to , when peaking . The first time couldn 't last any sort of length , since we were both so primed to make up for that lost time of past suppression , in one flash of passion . Like the bright flare of the pan of antique photographers , we consumed our explosive lust . Steamy and sweaty , our bodies convulsed with the physical contortions and mental inflammation of cataclysmic climaxes . Orgasm seems so tame a word , to describe the paroxysms and constrictions of the whole human organism , which possessed our very being at the pinnacle of perfect bliss . We had rejoined in body , we had merged in spirit , we were now melded into one another ; an alloy of flesh , an amalgam of family , genetic bonding , between mother and son . I felt my love flow as a stream into her womb , pumping the essence of my system 's essential life - force with my seed . My sperm - messengers of my everlasting lust . Mother 's emulsions of her womanhood washed over my dick and balls . The lotion of sex was a white froth that blended with my dribbling spume , seeping out of her hollow . Mother was hoarsely panting , she collapsed onto my front , her slick globes pressed wonderfully on my heaving chest . I felt like I had run a marathon , winded and soaked with perspiration . My once rutting ram was now but a weak worm that slid from her center . I encircled mom 's ribs and held her to me , in an embrace that was the most special we had ever shared . We kissed and carried on that day and ever since . I introduce my mom to other stories of yours , as well as other favorite writers and artist and my photo collection , my video clips of incest etc . . We like to role - play the frolicking plots and raunchy romps we read of , the various scenes and settings that we find erotic and romantic . ( By the way , please feel free to put your special spin on the above loving chronicle of our carnal coupling and incestuous copulation . ) Which leads us to our request of you , O Oediplex of nasty nights and dirty days . If you would be so kind , could you concoct a naughty narrative , a tweaked remembrance of our first day of lusting for one another , by the little lake . When sonny saw mommy 's charms and mother hungered for her boy 's toy ? Recast to cut out the father figure , this time we are both bared and no spot is spared from view , nor hole barred , neither are we kept from our passions by any prudish impediment . In other words , we let our libidos loose and lose any inhibitions and give into what we both desire ; to fuck our brains out then and there . Pretty please , with cream on top , mom asks ! Oediplex Responds : Indeed , I 'll do my best . I have completed a composition of just such a scenario at your behest . Entitled " Some Things Were Mint To Be ! " - A remote lake brings mom & son closer . I think it has a flavor which will titillate your sexual senses , hence the reference in the title . Tell us more of your adventures and we shall post for all of the OediPals to cum and enjoy ! Oediplex 8 = = 3 ~ Read 13719 times |

At eighty - seven , Dr . Russell Dohner still sees patients who come by his office off the town square in Rushville , Illinois , just like he has done for the past sixty years . But time marches on , and Dr . Dohner has been forced to more than double his fee for a first - come - first - served office visit . On their way out , each patient now pays Edith Moore , the eighty - five - year - old secretary , a five dollar fee . Dr . Dohner doesn 't accept medical insurance - he says it 's not worth the bother . " I always just wanted to be a doctor to help people with their medical problems and that 's all it 's for . It was never intended to make a lot of money . " You can read more of Dr . Dohner 's story here , in the LaCross Tribune . From the late 1950s , I grew up in a small , rural town in northeast Ohio . There was a little white house across the street from us , where Dr . List had his office . With wisps of gray hair , black - rimmed glasses , and a white coat , Doc List stitched me up when I fell partway through a glass storm door , prescribed medicine whenever I got sick , and he even fitted me with my first pair of glasses . My parents always paid him in cash . Back then , Doc List either didn 't take medical insurance , or we didn 't have that kind of insurance . I 'm not sure which was the case , but whenever we needed medical care , we just walked across the street . Fortunately for me , Doc List 's son followed in his father 's footsteps . When I was about thirteen , and too sick to even walk across the street , the young Dr . List made the last house call I can remember . He ended up sending me straight to the hospital with a 105 degree temperature , and a bad case of viral pneumonia . In the story , An Irish Miracle , Doc McGowan makes a house call to look after Alastar Connolly , after he took a nasty fall and split his head open . Dr . Dohner , both Dr . Lists , and Doc McGowan are caring , dedicated country doctors . The only difference is that Doc McGowan was a large animal veterinarian , affectionately , a horse doctor . Since his patients usually weighed well over 1000 pounds , it wasn 't really his fault that he might have been a little heavy - handed with the local anesthetics he administered to Alastar . Would you trust an old country doctor , like the ones in this story , with your medical care today ? Their training and methods might have been from a bygone era , but they each cared deeply for their patients , many of whom were also friends and neighbors . Going to a doctor 's office these days seems to begin with " Has your insurance changed ? " instead of " It 's nice to see you , how are you feeling ? " , and end with a string of cryptic billing statements and frustrating telephone calls that can stretch out for months afterward . In the story , An Irish Miracle , Alastar Connolly 's horses were not only his companions , they were his best friends . Friends that always listened . Friends that never judged . ( Well , almost never . ) During dark times , Alastar 's horses were his only family , and he often slept in their stalls , burrowed deep in the fresh hay . Alastar Connolly would have empathized with Johnny 's physical and emotional plight . As a boy , being separated from his beloved Molly and Wilbur started Alastar on a journey that took him half way around the world . Fortunately , looking back on his life in Ireland , Alastar wrote : My editor , Robin Martin of Two Songbirds Press , brought Johnny Walker 's story to my attention . Having an editor who expertly helps me polish my words , and who watches out for me between manuscripts , is truly a blessing . Thanks , Robin ! Cameron 's mention of the Blue Ridge Parkway brought back a childhood memory of my dad . A 1960s family vacation found us on the Skyline Drive , winding along the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia , above the Shenandoah River , and through some of the most beautiful countryside in America . At one scenic overlook , Pop pointed out a pig farm down in the distant valley . The white farmhouse had a lazy curl of smoke rising from its chimney . In the sunshine and crisp , late summer air , a slight breeze brought a hint of woodsmoke and further evidence of the pigs far below up to our noses . It was a good , earthy smell . It told us of the family farm , teeming with life below . The Skyline Drive is over a hundred twisty miles long , and the speed limit back in 1966 was something like thirty - five miles an hour . But with so many sights to see along the way , Pop drove it slowly , with frequent stops for " Kodak moments " . It was late evening by the time we reached the northern end of the route in Front Royal , Virginia . We hadn 't planned ahead very well , with only a bag of butterscotch candy in the car , so we were all very hungry by the time we found a restaurant . I 'd never seen grilled pineapple on ham before , but the smoke from the charring steaks didn 't sit well with my over - hungry , eight - year - old stomach , and I couldn 't eat much . The smokey restaurant didn 't bother Pop in the least , however , and that night he had what he said was one of the best meals he could remember . He had a huge Black Angus steak , but he talked about his baked potato , rubbed with rock salt , for the rest of the trip . When we got home , he looked forward to duplicating that delicious potato for himself . My dad grew up in rural Ohio , the youngest of several siblings . Along with the regular farm animals , horses , and hunting dogs , he and his brothers had a few more " exotic " pets . About once a month , a traveling salesman Pop described as a self - important little bald guy in a sweat - stained suit would come around to take orders for feed and grain . One particularly hot summer afternoon , the salesman walked , uninvited , into the barn to get out of the sun . From the hayloft , Jocko silently dropped onto the little man 's back and wrapped his long tail around the man 's pudgy neck . I 'm sure my dad and his brothers were hooting with laughter as the salesman ran from the barn , screaming about the huge snake that was around his neck , about to strangle him . Rumor had it that there was also a six - foot - long alligator living behind the warm stove in the kitchen of that farmhouse , too . Someone had brought it back from Florida as a baby . Family legend ? Maybe . Maybe not . I heard this story from my grandma , a wise and illiterate woman who emigrated from Romania to America in the early 1900s , babushka and all . The old farmer that lived across the road raised pigs to supplement the family income during the Great Depression . Every year , the farmer would sell two pigs to the local butcher , and every year , he would cry his eyes out for three days afterwards . Grandma thought he was a silly man , but I think those pigs must have listened to the old farmer 's darkest fears . If you 're interested , The Dictionary is a short story about my mother growing up in Grandma and Grandpa 's house with only two books , and you 'll know why the house I grew up in looked a lot like a library . These two horses put in their time on my other grandparent 's farm , plowing and pulling wagons . My dad grew up with them , and he loved them dearly . A few years after he 'd gotten married and moved to his own house , Pop brought my mother and my older brother by the farm for a Sunday family dinner . He parked his pride and joy , a shiny black 1952 Chevrolet , in the yard , under the shade of a big tree near the house . After dinner , my brother and his cousins went outside to play , while the men smoked and drank coffee , and the women chatted in the kitchen and washed the dishes . It was early evening when Pop walked out to his car , and the low sun highlighted the deep scratches running the length of the Chevrolet 's hood . As the story goes , Pop started yelling for my brother , sure that he was somehow responsible for the damage , and ready to mete out a harsh punishment . Just as my brother came skidding to a halt next to him , unaware that he was in deep trouble , Molly reached her head over the fence next to the car , and continued to scratch her itchy chin along the hood , the rivets in her halter peeling paint off with every stroke , as Wilbur stood beside her . Confused , my brother watched the expression on Pop 's face go from dark to light , as he started to laugh . He was still laughing when he walked over to hug Molly and Wilbur 's necks and scratch Molly 's chin , a safe distance away from the hood of his favorite car . So now you know that it 's no coincidence that shaggy little horses named Wilbur and Molly play a prominent part in the story of An Irish Miracle . I only said that any resemblances to actual people were purely coincidental . Some of the horses ? Well . . . not so much . There have been a lot of Miniature Schnauzers in our family over three generations , but Cricket was the first . I was a first - grader when we brought her home , supposedly a puppy for me . But it wasn 't long before we all realized that she was my dad 's dog . He would make her wait by the garage when he went to the mailbox , and when he came back , she greeted him like he 'd been gone for half her life . Cricket rode everywhere with Pop in his pickup truck , her head poking out the window right below the pipe clamped in his teeth . When he got out , he taught her to wait on the seat . When he clapped his hands , she would launch herself straight into his arms . On the rare occasions it happened , Cricket hated to be left alone . To this day , I still don 't know how she reached those high curtains , but they were shredded and tattered when we got home . Pop has been gone for over thirty years now , although I still hear his voice with a hello or a word of encouragement from time to time . Cricket has been gone even longer , but I 'll bet she 's still riding on Pop 's lap , with her fuzzy face in the breeze . And I 'll bet that pipe is still clamped in his teeth , too . Yankee Joe was a sweet , seventy - pound Dalmatian ( all ' a 's , no ' o 's ) and big brother to Corky , my immediate family 's first Schnauzer . At fifteen pounds , Corky was the boss , and Yankee was happy to go along . His joy in life was to run at top speed until something solid got in his way . He took my wife lawn - skiing on several occasions . An unlikely pair , Corky and Yankee got along famously , despite their size difference . We adopted Yankee Joe from a Dalmatian kennel owned by Karl and Barbara , and in turn , they adopted us . ( As a gift , I photographed their daughter 's wedding , even though I was more nervous than the lovely young bride . ) Karl and Barbara invited us to bring nine - month - old Yankee Joe and go with them to the Dalmatian Club of America 's national show in Fort Collins , Colorado . Four - hundred - and - fifty spotted dogs in one extremely well - run Holiday Inn was a sight I will never forget . Bandit is around thirteen years old now , still very healthy , although going a bit deaf . He 's the sweetest , most gentle Schnauzer I 've ever seen . Three years ago , the amazing veterinarians and students at the University of Georgia Small Animal Hospital pulled his little behind out of the fire for us , after ten days in intensive care . The clinic was ninety miles from our home , and the vet or the student taking care of him called me twice a day , every day , without fail . They took as good a care of me through that ordeal as they did my sad little Bandit , and for that , I am forever grateful . Murphy is the eternal puppy . Even though he 's fully grown , at seven years old , he 's about half the size of a " normal " Miniature Schnauzer . I thought his litter mates looked a little odd , and when we brought him home , he fit in the palm of my hand , but by the time we realized we only got half a Schnauzer , he was too entrenched in our hearts to even ask for half of our money back . Everyone still asks if he 's a puppy , and they say he 's really cute . My response to that is always , " He 's cute alright . . . ' til you get to know him ! " The strong bond between humans and horses is a recurring theme in the story , An Irish Miracle . As you can see , we Mahans love our animals . If you read this entire post , I know you love yours , too . Please feel free to comment and leave a story about a special animal companion in your life . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

First , let me start with a story . One of my family 's longtime friends came over Thanksgiving weekend to watch a big football game . Since my mom was busy in the kitchen , I talked a lot with her friend . This friend told me a story about how she 'd discovered that her college roommate 's daughter went to college with me . When she made the connection , my college friend and classmate revealed that I had played an integral role in rededicating her life to Christ . I couldn 't remember this encounter for the life of me . We 'd never prayed together , that I could remember . And I 'm not a particularly proselytizing kind of girl - - nothing against it , just not my cup of tea , unless God makes it abundantly clear that I 'm supposed to talk to someone . It 's happened before , but as far as I could recall , He didn 't strike a lightning bolt out of the sky to prompt me to set this girl straight . All I could remember is us cutting up in class , talking about her shoe obsession , favorite books , boys , her horse , etc . As it turns out , it was an offhand comment I made in class , maybe even ( dare I say ? ) a sarcastic quip , that challenged her and sparked a tiny flame inside of her heart . I had no idea . And it wasn 't even my intention , as bad as that sounds . But hearing about it , learning that I had impacted someone 's life in such a way , in turn , inspired me . Yet another aspect of God 's power has been revealed to me , that he can take words and shape them in a way that fits what some needs to hear perfectly - - in a way that we could never fathom doing . My first challenge is to be more vocal about telling people when they have influenced me : spiritually , physically , emotionally - - in whatever way . I have received lots of encouragement this week ( Like you , Michelle Meisner ! ) , some from good friends , some from people I 've never met in person . I 'm greatly appreciative and know for certain that those words are God becoming tangible on this earth . My second challenge is to pay tokens of love and kindness forward and to continue to pray that God will use my words and actions to uplift and accomplish . I Corinthian 13 says that love keeps no record of wrongs . But what if it kept a record of rights , not with the motivation that every act of kindness has to be repaid OR ELSE . . . Seeing my enthusiastic husband on The Today Show in February . Click here . You gotta see it ! Pay attention to the woman next to him when she pushes him . ( Inspired by this Barefoot Contessa recipe ) Ingredients : 4 cups old fashioned rolled oats2 cups sweetened , shredded coconut2 cups sliced almonds1 / 2 cup vegetable oil1 / 3 cup good honey1 t vanilla2 t ground cinnamona dash nutmeg1 & 1 / 2 cups dried cherries , chopped1 / 2 cup cherry flavored craisins11 oz white chocolate chipsDirections : Preheat the oven to 300 degrees . Toss the oats , coconut and almonds together in a large bowl . Add in cinnamon and a dash nutmeg . Stir to combine . Combine the vegetable oil , honey and vanilla in a separate bowl . Pour over oat mixture . Stir until the oats and nuts are coated with the honey mixture . Pour onto a large sheetpan ( * or 2 smaller sheet pans ) and bake in a 300 degree oven for 25 minutes , stirring every 5 minutes . Coconut should be toasted and almonds lightly caramelized on the outside . Remove from oven and allow granola to cool . When cool , add in chopped cherries , craisins and white chips . Mix to combine . This is an easy peasy salsa / dip to serve with some blue corn tortilla chips or alongside some chicken or fish . I adapted this recipe from Mckmama , originally found here . The sweetness complements the salty chips so well , though . In as much time as it takes to open a few cans and rinse , you can get this ready in the morning , refrigerate overnight or during the day , drain the salsa and serve . Ingredients : 1 can black beans ( drained / rinsed ) 1 can garbanzo beans ( drained / rinsed ) 2 cans corn ( drained / rinsed ) 1 small carton of cherry or grape tomatoes ( halved ) 1 small white or yellow onion ( diced ) 1 bunch cilantro ( shredded or finely chopped ) 1 / 3 bottle of Italian dressinglime juice ( 1 - 2 limes ' worth ) sugar to taste ( I start with 2 T and add more if needed ) salt to taste ( I start with 2 T , but remember the salt from the chips ) Directions : Drain canned ingredients and rinse well ( especially the beans ) . Combine all ingredients , unless you 're worried about the tomatoes or cilantro going bad , in which case you can add those right before serving , but I love the cilantro infusion as it marinates and have never gotten sick since it 's refrigerated . Mix well and cover with plastic wrap . Refrigerate for 6 - 8 hours , though I 'm sure it would still taste great if you did at least one hour . Excess liquids will accumulate during the marinating process , so drain before serving . I would recommend serving with Tostidos corn chips or blue corn chips . Mckmama also adds kidney beans and avocado to her recipe , but I don 't like either . If you do work with avocado , add it at the end or squirt it with a little lime juice to keep it from browning . Enjoy this easy hit ! I threw this recipe together for lunch while JT was shoveling our White Christmas out of our driveway . He asked for a warm meal and I couldn 't think of anything to put together since Christmas cooking has preoccupied me and all of our leftovers were at my parents ' house . Luckily , I had leftover pasta from a soup I 'd made ( check out that AWESOME Cavatappi - - corkscrew - shaped macaroni ) , and some homemade pesto , which was a little harsh and garlicky by itself , but calmed down considerably with some creamy Laughing Cow cheese wedges . Ingredients : PastaPesto sauce ( practice with ingredients and portions YOU like ! ) - - > Your favorite greens and herbs ( about a cup to a cup and a half ) - - > 1 - 2 garlic cloves - - > eyeball about 1 / 4 cup of parmesan cheese - - > the juice of half a lemon - - > drizzle in EVOO while blending / food processing until it forms a sauce2 - 3 Laughing Cow cheese wedges , depending on how much pesto you have , how strong it is , and how creamy you want your pasta to be . Directions : Cook pasta according to package directions . In the meantime , prepare your pesto sauce and dice Laughing Cow cheese wedges . Drain pasta and return to pan , removing from the heat . Add pesto and diced cheese while the pasta is still hot , stirring consistently until the noodles are coated and the cheese is completely melted and incorporated into the pasta . If I 'd had parmesan pita chips , I 'd have served with that for some crunch , and JT recommended some diced , cooked chicken for protein . Here 's a little something to tide you over in the meantime ( heh heh ) . I have found the exact replica of our future daughter . Her name is Ella , and anyone who knows me will know why . Here she is ! Late Monday night , or early Tuesday morning , my little brother finished his final project late and traveled back to Tulsa from his college to get a jump start on sleeping in his own , warm bed . About 20 minutes outside of Tulsa , he hit black ice on the Lake Keystone bridge . He spun around , missed hitting the wall that would have taken him into the water ( Miracle # 1 ) , and totaled his car on the construction median . He got out of his totaled car through the window without a scratch ( Miracle # 2 ) , and called my dad , a little disoriented . As soon as he figured out where he was , my dad urged him to get off the road because it wasn 't safe . Pretty much simultaneously , a semi comes barreling toward him , hits the same patch of black ice , and jackknifes . All my dad hears is my brother yelling and then the phone goes dead as it smashes . The semi did not hit my brother ( Miracle # 3 ) , but he had nowhere to go but over the bridge and onto the steep boulders that line the lake and keep it in its spot . He lands on his knee and not his head ( Miracle # 4 ) and shatters it . The pictures are so disgusting I don 't dare to post them , yet adrenaline somehow carries my brother to sprint up the hill to the semi driver where he asks if he 's okay and then begs to use his cell phone . Remember , where we last left my dad , all he heard was that there was a semi , and then a scream , and the phone went dead . My brother assures him he 's alive , and by that time , the fire truck had arrived . It 's only then that he realizes he is bleeding , and my dad takes him to the ER where my brother is diagnosed with a torn tendon and a shattered kneecap - - no ligament damage ( Miracle # 5 ) - - and has surgery that morning to fix it . He also gets stitches in his side where he has some deep lacerations and road rash . I took off work that day to stay with him and keep my mom calm , and he had so many friends come to see him ! Someone even brought him a Snuggie ( see picture ) , and we joked and laughed a lot . He was completely himself , not super groggy or anything . He even got up and took a few steps even though he 'd just had major surgery in his knee and got a screw put in . I am so grateful for these Five Miracles ( and counting ) because it means my brother is here with us to stay . So many things could have gone wrong , but we believe that God had His hands in the entire situation . Mike would appreciate your prayers for his continued healing . He should be getting out of the hospital today ! My beautiful phone Angus * * has served me well since I got married . But an upgrade is mighty enticing right now . I am being courted by this smarter , wiser , technologically - savvy gentleman called the iPhone . iPhone can take really attractive pictures and post them to the internet in seconds . My blogs can be prettier , I can capture more of life , and when babies come along , I 'd only have to drag along ONE device to capture their every spitup , giggle , and gurgle . Plus , and this drives JT crazy , when I can 't figure out what movie someone has been in , I will have instant access to IMDB . I 've been asking around , reading reviews , and the scoop is unanimous : for now , the iPhone is the best phone out there . It 's changing communication , convenience , and life . So I have my answer , but I have a new question : do I want my life to be changed ? Do I want technology , communication , and people to be at my disposal every waking minute ? I don 't trust myself with that power , because I feel I 'm already too dependent on the internet as it is . I 'm not as strong as you . I don 't have enough willpower . I can picture myself dropping my iPhone into a pot of stew because I want to find out who married whom on Facebook or missing the birth of my child because I wanted to find out the Texas Longhorns ' score . Yesterday , I got in my first car crash ever . I 'll have to admit , I was distracted by my phone ( not texting ) , but it probably would have happened anyway because I thought the guy in front of me had gone . Either way , I have resolved to limit my cell phone use to very important phone calls in the car , and only on speaker phone . We 'll see how long that will last . I went almost 9 years using my phone and driving safely , but it 's kind of like my invincibility is gone now , a little . So the decision is made for me : my iPhone fund will be going towards the $ 1200 bumper cover the guy in front of me needs ( and his OSU trailer hitch that got destroyed ) . One tiny crack and the entire thing is ruined , apparently . For now , my iPhone decision is put off , but I might rethink my plan after Christmas if I can prove it wouldn 't become a hindrance . * * Angus my phone got his name because of his color and because of my favorite movie by the same name . In the movie , the title character , a disgruntled big kid , needs a tux for his winter formal , but they don 't carry a black one in his size . All they have left is a purple suit . " It 's plum , " the salesman corrects him . " Angus " wasn 't my first thought for a name : in the movie , when Angus tries on the suit , he looks in the mirror , and says , " I look like Moby Grape . " However , since my phone is rather slender , Moby Grape just wouldn 't do . So there you have it ! Do you ever get in a funk of sorts ? I haven 't been blogging because I 've been in a bit of a haze lately . I don 't know if it 's because coming back to reality can bite , but in the spirit of a belated Thanksgiving , here is my top ten Praise God list . Today , my firm completed the unimaginable . The short story : we have this goal every month , and this was our first month to have a about a 25 % increased workload for which to fill a quota . Somehow , the awesome people filled this seemingly impossible quota with an hour to spare . I am so proud of them today ! Speaking of impossible quotas , tonight , I accomplished something in typical Undomestic fashion . Since it had been awhile since we saw my parents , when we got home on Wednesday , I invited them over for dinner tonight . While I 'd planned to use my slow cooker to whip up a healthy , gourmet meal from scratch to simmer while I worked , life had other plans . Pretty much since the minute we 've got home , my waking hours have been spent wiping dust and paint sludge from every surface in the rooms that got painted , and then putting things back in their proper place . " Dinner isn 't started ? " my mom remarked , a trace of panic in her voice . It was 6 : 00 , over an hour past my parents ' typical dinnertime . I may not have cooked a single thing - - except for an attempt at a cumin lemon sauce for the chicken , which no one touched - - but I 'm proud of my compromise . With the help of the grocery store , my parents , husband , and I enjoyed a healthy , inexpensive dinner together without eating in a restaurant . I didn 't have to make everything gourmet and from scratch . There is an alternative , a middle ground there 's no crime in taking . We woke up , and JT wandered around the ship , reading and taking pictures while he let me sleep in a little longer . We breakfasted ( omelet bar and homemade waffles everyday ) and then played gin rummy or chess in this special cabin with cute yellow wingback chairs . When someone got tired of winning ( ahem , me ) , we changed and went into town wherever our ship was ported , and then after lunch , we 'd lay in chairs by the pool and read or nap or swim until we were so full of sun and sweat . We tried to work out at least every other day to ease our consciences , because after we cleaned up , we had dinners with so much butter and all - out dessert every night . After dinner festivities included anything from the ship 's fine nightlife entertainment , but most of the time , we kicked off our heels in our room and watched movies on TNT . It was rough , let me tell you . Last night , we arrived around midnight , and I had grand plans of taking off my makeup , brushing my teeth , and falling into bed . After I checked my email , that is . When I got home , I discovered a freshly painted house with custom crown molding by Andrea Cherie 's fantastic husband . Oh my goodness my house looks completely different , updated , and wonderful ! It was 51 degrees inside and still smelled like mothballs because a skunk got under our house just before we left , but it looked wonderful ! But hours later , I found myself awake with so many words running through my head - - and I mean just that . They weren 't normal thoughts , they were words arranged how I would write them in my journal or blog . I was tempted to sneak away to another room with my laptop to blog about it , but instead , I had a little conversation with God . One by one , I gave him all of the things that were running through my mind , from the mountain of cleaning I have to do , to missing my best friend who is leaving for China tomorrow , to my anxiety of returning to work and finding that I was in trouble like last time ( I wasn 't ) , to wishing I was in North Carolina to help my dear heartbroken friend whose husband 's hip was broken in an accident during military training , which means he will be leaving for overseas in a few months instead of staying home and starting a family as they 'd planned . My mom 's dog even crept his way into my thoughts , even though he 's pretty much the world 's worst dog . She gave him away while I was gone , and even though he was the worst dog ever ( he was mean to everyone but her ) , I teared up when I pictured him living with his new family , waiting for her to come back for him . But she never will . I asked God to give me peace and sleep like only he can . I forced my breathing into a restful rhythm and snuggled into a comfortable position , finally warm in our 51 - degree house . I listened to my husband sleeping peacefully next to me like a blissful papa bear . But I still couldn 't sleep , so I kept shifting , praying , pleading , and the next morning , when I realized what had happened , I knew a peace and restoration blogging never could have given me . Here 's to quiet conversations with a Maker who understands things in a way we 'll never be able to and communicates to us in a language that transcends words . If I don 't get the chance to say goodbye , we are leaving for our cruise tomorrow straight after work . I 'm super excited , working on getting packed , and also working to get ahead at work pretty much nonstop . Between writing three weeks ' worth of press releases in three days among my other work duties , and last minute shopping and packing , I will be going going going going until Wednesday at 4 : 00 p . m . Two weeks ago , I made a goal to revive my Project LGN blog , and I 'm 90 % there . It 's under construction right now , but I hope to have it up very soon . Basically , it 's a healthy lifestyle blog . ( I refuse to call it a weight loss blog ) I will put progress pictures , workout plans , healthy recipes , and track good decisions I 've made . Here 's the catch : I start Monday , and I 'm 90 % sure I 'm going to make this blog open to invited readers only . So if you 'd like to read this , what promises to be my most candid , possibly TMI blog ever , leave a comment and I will add you ! Original PostI am never making paella again . This is what I get for having Delusions of Domesticity , I call them . A friend of mine , a newlywed , called me from the store to get my advice about basil . I should change the name of my blog , I thought . WRONG . I was so out of sorts today that I cut my onion wrong and had to dice it the long way . And why has no one ever told me how long it takes to peel the casing off of chorizo ? It took me so long that I burned my chicken stock . I decided to make new , flavorful chicken stock out of burnt chicken stock , and scraped off the little bits to incorporate them . Then , I finally got my casings peeled . ( Most of them . I hope JT doesn 't die from a little casing that might have slipped in there . ) I added the chicken stock , and it absorbed nicely , but when it was finished cooking , I peeled back the layer of aluminum foil and was bit by a shark . " Easy Paella , " Ingrid Hoffman told me in her adorable little accent as she picked up her thongs ( she can 't say it right ) . Easy Paella never burnt someone 's thumb so much she wanted to cry . The next morning . . . The paella turned out great , so I forgive it . A little . I served it with a makeshift version of MckMama 's Texas Caviar and some red wine JT picked up . We 're house sitting for my parents , who are in Italy , ( I know ! Not fair ! ) and they didn 't have anything for salad , so I rinsed and tossed a can each of diced tomatoes , garbanzo beans , black beans , and two cans of corn into a bowl with some salt and Italian dressing , and we ate it with organic corn chips . YUM ! I have an angry red welt on my thumb that might blister . Note to self ( and you ) : even if the foil isn 't hot , the steam beneath is scorching ! My skark was at home , so all I had were some flimsy cloth potholders . Lesson learned . So maybe I will make paella again , give it a second chance . But does anyone have any tips on peeling sausage casings to prevent a 20 - minute fiasco ? Because JT had a big day , here he is as a kid13 Manners and Rules My Mother Taught Me : 1 ) Always say " please " and " thank you . " 2 ) When someone else answers the phone , say , " May I please speak with . . . " instead of , " Can I talk to . . . " 3 ) Three words : " It 's ' Yes , Ma ' am ! ' " 4 ) No calling people 's houses after 8 : 00 . 5 ) Say " bottom " and " poot " instead of " butt " and other unacceptable alternatives . 6 ) Cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing , always , and if you 're coughing incessantly , leave the room lest you become the victim of a passive aggressive glare . 7 ) Never call boys . Under any circumstances . 8 ) Never ask if someone can come over or spend the night in front of that person . 9 ) Only 2 Oreos at a time . ( That really set me up for failure haha ) 10 ) ( This isn 't really a rule , but I got in trouble several times for continuing to talk and ignoring her minivan when she came to pick me up . ) 11 ) Send thank you notes and other tokens of appreciation . ( I wish I was better about this . ) 12 ) Respond " Doing well , " when someone asks how I 'm doing instead of " Doing good . " You don 't know how much fun I had explaining that that was grammatically incorrect , though she didn 't believe me until I had an English degree . 13 ) Always serve my husband 's dinner plate and beverage . I only always do this at her house : ) What about you ? Did you have any crazy rules or manners growing up ? Are there rules or manners you wish would become laws ? As your token favorite Undomestic , I have never had an eye for decorating or what things should look like in my home . As manly as he is , JT is also blessed with a great eye for design , and he comes up with all of the great ideas to make our home cozy and cute . But right now , I 'm obsessed with berries and blossoms of all kinds and fake fruit used in unconventional ways . Somehow , I think he disagrees with my tastes . My mom has the cutest orange and yellow fall berry spray framing her front door and I love it . Since everyone is starting to think about Christmas decor , I think I 'm going to try to make a berry and lime wreath for our door before Christmastime . For my house , I 'm not a fan of the conventional pointsettia / pine needle look . So I 'm going to see what we can do differently ! JT and I want a furry friend so badly , preferably of this variety ( Weimaraner ) . We even have him named and have big plans of taking him running and hiking with us . Of course , I 've counted my puppies before they 've hatched and want a second dog , too , so he can have a friend . I also want a big sweet Yorkie because I had one briefly growing up and she was the only dog we had who liked me more than my mother . My mother gave her away before I could say goodbye . Longhorns in celebration is always eye candy to me . Even though the games have been ugly , it 's been a fun season ! Is it too early to be thinking about Christmas presents ? I think I 'd be mad if JT spent $ 299 on my Christmas present , but I 've been eyeing this super cute stand mixer every time I see it in Giada 's kitchen . It 's my favorite color , and my mom told me not to register for one for our wedding because she was going to buy it , but then she ended up buying something else , so I didn 't get it . If I could have any room in any house , this would be it . If money , time , energy , and space wasn 't an issue , I 'd transplant the simplicity of this room into my entire house . These are my ideal Christmas decorations : splashes of color I can interchange , not too flashy , hidden storage , and big plush cPosted by outside my office this morning yes , we 're behind tacky gold bars ! Since I didn 't have time to do a Not Me ! Monday this week ( I know , I know ! ) , I will do a Tuesday weekly update . JT and I are going on vacation in 2 and 1 / 2 weeks for a cruise . I am only 60 % sure where we are going but I 'm VERY excited for 8 days off of work , the ocean , great seafood , the warm sun , and quality time with my main man . So I didn 't get everything done from last week 's list , EVEN the haircut part . I know . It 's pathetic . Luckily , I have an incentive . I HAVE to get my haircut before the cruise . I think that 's reasonable . I definitely waited until Sunday and Monday of THIS WEEK to get most of what I did get done done , including cleaning my house and running 3 miles last night and doing Pilates this morning . My body can take it . No big deal . I DID make enchiladas the very next day after I posted the list , and JT and I had them for leftovers a few nights , too . I won a contest ! I will be the proud owner of an autographed copy of Anne & May 's brand new release , " A Little Help from My Friends . " ( Remember ? The one with the AWESOME cover ? ) I 'm super excited because 1 ) I 've never won anything before , and 2 ) I ordered it from border . com , yet somehow , UPS has sent it from Mississippi to Missouri to West Virginia ? They must be directionally challenged ? On Monday , I learned a lesson the hard way . You see , I work in an Office Divided , which is an Oklahoma term for houses , families , friends , etc that pledge allegiance to rival football teams . So I placed a bet with my boss and some people in the office last Friday about last weekend 's OU / Texas game . The terms were that if Texas beat OU by seven or more , my boss would wear burnt orange apparel and / or take us to lunch , or else we 'd have to wear an OU shirt all day on Monday . Well , Texas won by three , but my boss walked in Monday morning and said he thought it was unfair for us to have to wear Sooner garb all day when we did , in fact , win . So I was left with nothing else to wear except for JT 's white jersey . Don Posted by Thirteen Traditions I Want to Save / Uphold / Begin for My Family * : * Disclaimer : This is not an announcement that JT and my little family is growing anytime soon . Good , now that that 's settled , we can continue on with the list . 1 ) The importance of family : being close to , confiding in , supporting , praying for , and showing love for family . I didn 't live close to my grandparents or cousins and regret not seeing them as much . 2 ) The Cosby Show . Thinking of buying the series on DVD . I want to be exactly like Mrs . Huxtable and solve everyone 's problems with witty humor and perfectly timed cake . I won 't give JT too much grief for licking the frosting before it 's served , either . 3 ) Eating dinner together as a family . Not every night , because that 's pretty much impossible , but much as humanly possible . Hopefully , they will prefer to be there ! 4 ) I want to be able to teach my kids ( at least the girls ) how to sew and play the piano , two domestic essentials I don 't have in my arsenal . 5 ) Love of playing outside : I once spent an entire afternoon tracking an ant from one side of my backyard to the other . I was always in a tree , jumping on the trampoline , and used to beg my mom to let me eat my pop - tarts on the driveway on summer mornings . I know life happens , but hopefully my kids will spend more time getting dirty than in front of a screen . Then again , look what happened when this mother let her kid play outside for too long : ) 6 ) Christy Miller books . Everything I learned about growing up was from Christy and Todd . 7 ) Going to church together every week . JT and I have never skipped church unless we were sick or out of town . That aspect of family is important , too ! 8 & 9 ) Music and Laughter : two important essentials I want to always be floating through my home . It will keep JT and me young and our kids worry - free as long as possible . 10 ) Bayton . I have a quilt named Bayton ( I could not say " blanket " ) made by an old great aunt when I was born . It 's pink and has all kinds of vintage fabric squares . It 's the softest thing I 've ever touchedLaurie Tomlinson I came across this video today and love it so much ! " What would you have done if this was your little girl and that was you ? " I asked JT . " I would have been scared , " he said . " I would have thought she was possessed . " Posted by It 's that time of week again ! Time for us to take down our hair and ' fess up , courtesy of MckMama 's brilliant mind ! As a productive wife who makes the best use of my time possible , I did NOT blow off housework Saturday after Pilates . And if I did , surely I would make up for it on Sunday , right ? I did NOT make three trips to Lowe 's and one trip to Home Depot this weekend at my husband 's bidding . It was NOT me who spent hours obsessing this weekend over my company 's Christmas party skit , and rewrite an entire 80s song to fit a cheesy topic . As a mature adult , I would never confide my deathly fear of bees to two complete strangers on two separate occasions - - all in the five minute walk to my car . NOT me ! I did NOT go to every bookstore in town to see if they had the latest Anne and May release - - MULTIPLE times , sometimes within the same day . NOPE , NOT me ! ! Last but not least , I did not buy fake UGG boots this weekend . I am about ten years too old for those , right ? And I definitely did NOT tuck them into my pants even though I made fun of a mom for doing it just hours before . JT and I did NOT go see Whip It and love it ! And I did NOT just discover the band Owl City , who is kind of NOT growing on me . Well that 's what I have NOT been up to . Kind of boring , huh ? Your turn ! 1 ) clean my house2 ) make enchiladas3 ) revive my Project LGN blog4 ) run 3 - 4 times ( get back to medium distances , over 3 miles ) 5 ) write 5 nights this week 6 ) get TONS done at work7 ) get Anne and May 's new book , A Little Help from My Friends . By the way , best cover art ever . See ? 8 ) If I don 't post pictures of a new haircut or tweet about it or something by the end of this week , find me , tie me up , and take me to the salon . It is absolutely necessary ! 9 ) Cheer on the Texas Longhorns in the Red River Shootout on Saturday . It 's gonna be a great game , as usual ! Must get some sleep ! Posted by Welcome to Not Me ! Monday , the liberating blog carnival that all started with MckMama ! Kids or no kids , there are some things people just feel better about owning up to doing - - or NOT doing ! Like last week , when I stayed home from work sick , there 's NO way on earth I 'd watch ten episodes of One Tree Hill while I worked . There 's no way I would indulge in guilty pleasures like that , much less waste several hours halfway watching a show while getting some serious work done . Or while driving , I would NEVER honk at the Chic - Fil - A cow dancing on the corner of the street , only to realize it was inflatable and there wasn 't an actual person inside . NOT Me ! I have NOT allowed six months to pass without a haircut for three consecutive times . Nope , NOT me ! I have NOT resorted to wearing my hair in a ponytail almost everyday because my layers are unmanageable . I do NOT need my good friend Sarah T 's help . In Pilates class , I am NOT ALWAYS the fattest , slowest , and most embarrassing , often the youngest person there . Certainly I can keep up with the best of the 40 and 50 year - old women , and my body is definitely in the best shape since I am probably the only one who has not had children ! And after a month of doing it , there 's NO way I am still so sore after all of my classes . Surely I can handle them by now . I would NEVER leave a full minute of grammar instruction on my friend 's VOICEMAIL , even if it was asked for . Who would be that pompous ? If you noticed my post below , I did NOT stop on the side of a busy street as I picked up my Pei Wei and hide behind my car so I could take a self - portrait in the pretty flowers . I definitely have the sense not to do that . I did NOT tear up when I saw the preview for next week 's " Office . " My life is NOT that vested in fictional characters ! Wow , that 's a lot of things I did NOT do this week , but it sure feels good . What about you ? Did you waste an entire day NOT looking at blogs ? Surely you would NOT spend tons of money on to - die - for boots . Let me have it ! Hi , friends . I know I have been neglectful of my blog . I 've had lots on my mind , but whenever I have time to post , it means my mind is unoccupied and I can 't remember for the life of me what was SO important I had to say . First thing first , God is SO good ! In case you could tell from my subtle hints , I have been having some health issues due to my ulcerative colitis . When my uc is bad , my life is drastically altered , not only physically but mentally and emotionally , too . Since I was seeing no signs of improvement , we were looking at prednisone , which is a kind of steroid that makes me retain water , increases my appetite , and makes me in a perpetual bad mood . I said if my symptoms didn 't improve by the end of this weekend , I 'd go on it , and I asked God to pleasepleaseplease work on my behalf and help me get better even though what I 'd been doing for about a month wasn 't doing much to help . I am happy to admit I am filled with hope because I have had ZERO symptoms today and believe wholeheartedly that it was all God ! My church just celebrated its one year anniversary . We had an amazing service today to commemorate and all got cool new shirts . I am on the worship team , and I have really felt a community of love and worship during our gatherings . My favorite thing about my church is that nobody pretends to be perfect , not even our pastor ( whom I watched check a guy hard into the wall in his indoor soccer game last night ) , and I think the verse about God 's grace being sufficient and His power being made perfect by weakness has never been more real . Today , I wore what I 've decided will be my favorite fall outfit , this super cute gray dress with a long sleeve black shirt under it and dark jeans and canary yellow flats . Also , my hair is long enough to do a cute little side braid now ! Other than that , I 've been enjoying my absolute favorite month of the year , Texas Longhorns still undefeated football season , and pilates torture classes . Still , I think I 'm going to have to do a long Not Me ! Monday ! post tomorrow because I have Posted by Thirteen Vices : 1 ) Laziness and procrastination : they go hand - in - hand . The bigger the to - do list , the more interesting things I need " to do " before I start . My goal in life is to make the most out of my time and to pack lots of meaning into every moment . 2 ) Pride . In some areas of life , it 's definitely my way or the highway , and if you cross me by taking the side road , it 's hard for me to let it go . Yes , I know it 's totally futile to act like this with God , especially . I was watching the movie " Fireproof " last night and this quote captured me : " Before I was a Christian I was so concentrated on what was unfair and what I deserved . . . " My goal is to be less like this and more mindful of love . 3 ) Emotional eating and / or eating mindlessly whilst occupied with something else . Nailbiter would fall into this category , too , I think . 4 ) Cleaning : I have to go over a surface 4 - 5 times before it 's presentable . I complain about cleaning , too . 5 ) Sometimes it 's hard to put myself in others ' shoes . I feel for you , I 'm just really bad at showing it . 6 ) Texting while driving7 ) Avoiding conflict and confrontation and shutting down in the face of it . 8 ) My husband has to remind me to send thank you notes . I am not good at showing appreciation sometimes . I feel it , but don 't show it well sometimes . 9 ) Word vomit , gossip , not thinking before I speak = no power over my mouth . 10 ) My humor often involves " laughing WITH " others , which is basically another way of saying I laugh at their expense . I feel like I 'm good at letting people know it 's good natured , and I will stop if someone is offended , but I 'd rather make someone laugh over something with positive value . 11 ) Assuming things . You know what they say about people who ass | u | me things ! Without realizing it , I fill in the holes of conversations and then sometimes present this new knowledge as fact in later conversation . 12 ) Curiosity . A healthy amount of curiosity is a good thing , but sometimes , if I can 't remember a lyric or something , I cannot rest until I have figured it out by OCD googLaurie Tomlinson Have you seen this video ? You know , the one of the kids singing a praise song to President Obama ? To me , schools and their teachers should stick with the who , what , where , when , why , and how and leave the propaganda and influence to the parents ' and guardians ' discretion . They do not allow public school teachers to influence religious beliefs , and that 's how I think it should be across the board with science , politics , and even history , too . If you want to glorify the country and promote patriotism , that 's fine , but if kids aren 't allowed to worship Jesus , they shouldn 't be allowed to worship any other person , either . April 26 , 2006 Xanga entry . I am finishing my junior year of college . Hi Xang . My day 's not going so hot . I think the Unknown Evil Entity might be winning today . . . Let 's see : + This is the POWERWEEK list and everything I 've accomplished this week . Yesterday , I was a machine . + My Edith Wharton / American Lit semester project got pushed back to Monday , so that was a major relief . - My Grammar project is stressing me out . I have to diagram a Frost poem and present it in an attractive manner , but some of his sentences are just awful and complex . - I didn 't get the internship with The Oklahoman . In fact , I have no idea what to do for a summer job in Tulsa . Any ideas ? + / - My intramural basketball team lost our last game last night . Still , it was a lot of fun playing . + / - They were passing out this free lotion - type stuff in the caf and apparently it had sunless tanner in it . My hands are a sight today : This picture doesn 't do it justice . We 're taking streaks , here . Luckily , my good friend Patrick and my hands are matching . See , he didn 't know it had any bronzing agents in it and used it as regular hand lotion . I love him . He can sit next to me . + I actually got dressed this morning . I 'm wearing a pretty spring floral skirt : + I walked into American Lit class and jaws dropped . " It 's true , " I told them . I never wear skirts . Not even to church . I think that warrants another plus . My friend Robyn , who is by far the most fashionable person I know , gave me advice about my tanning predicament . - The biggest thing that 's bothering me today , I guess , is the fact that probably the most well - liked girl in our school doesn 't seem to like me very much . My good friend Jessy did a phenomenal job speaking in chapel today and I was trying to catch her eye while standing in line for coffee . I guess this girl , who happens to be one of Jessy 's good friends , thought I was staring because she kind of said , " HI LAURIE " like she was annoyed that I was staring . This may or may not be imagined , and it may or may not be because she happens to be dating the bPosted by This morning I looked out my bathroom and saw this furry friend sleeping on a bag of mulch on our back porch , keeping dry from the rain . As cute as it was , I immediately thought about the extra work he caused me last Sunday . I tapped on the glass , and he did not stir . I took a picture of him and then hurried to the glass door and tapped on it , and then made a shocking discovery : He was actually THEY . Ultimate optical illusion ? I think so . PS : When I saw them , the colors and patterns of their fur brought me back to a few months ago when JT and I got into the car to go somewhere and we stumbled across a FELINE SCANDAL in our backyard , right in plain sight . Were these beautiful kitty babies the result of this act ? JT was mortified , but I maintain that the shock ( and a desire to share with my BFF ) compelled me to take a picture of " the act " when it occurred months ago . My original post contained a link to the picture , but I removed it in case anyone doesn 't share my humor / fascination with this discovery . I , for one , am glad I took the picture because curiosity would have killed this cat . Oh , the plans we make . Our cell group came over to help JT with the fence , which meant the men slaved in the backyard and I got to hang out with the women and children . My plan was to pick up Papa Murphy 's pizza in a flash , and entertain the kids by teaching them how to bake cookies . Then 15 people ended up showing up , including Andrea Cherie 's sweet husband , who helped JT in the yard all afternoon . So the womenfolk and kids went to the splash park while the men worked . On a separate note , you know it 's never good when minutes before guests are to arrive , husband says : " I tracked in some mud from the yard . . . and some of it is cat poop . " Some of it turned in to most of it , but my floors were cleaned when our friends arrived . And though I had to run to the sink more than once because I was sure I was going to hurl from the smell , I was safe and sound . We rewarded ourselves with a nice hot plate of homemade waffles . . . and it exploded into every crevice of my George Foreman . Yes ! I got this crust recipe from Nie Nie here , and I was excited because her recipe leaves room for lots of creativity . Crust Ingredients : 2 3 / 4 cups whole wheat flour ( whole wheat pastry flour is also ok , I learned ) 1 envelop active dry yeast * * * 1 teaspoon salt2 tablespoons olive oil ( since I was using pesto sauce , I chose basil olive oil ) 1 / 4 teaspoons sugar * * * Using yeast was VERY intimidating for me as I prepared for this recipe . I watched Anne Burrell make pizza on her show the other week , and she recommended adding a pinch of sugar to the mixture and making sure the water is just warm enough to cultivate , not too hot . I wasn 't sure what to look for to indicate it was ready , but by the time I 'd mixed the dry ingredients and added the olive oil in a bowl , I could smell it and it turned out well . Directions : Add yeast to one cup of warm water ( not too hot ) , let sit . Mix dry ingredients together , then add olive oil . Add yeast mixture ( including water ) and combine kneading for about 5 minutes . Let rise for 30 - 45 minutes . Preheat oven to 450 degrees and roll out the dough . I had to do this twice because I didn 't flour my rolling pin or my pizza stone well enough . Oh yeah , I cooked mine on a pizza stone , but I 'm sure it would turn out just as well in a pizza pan or a rectangular cookie sheet . Make sure the dough is even or else it won 't cook evenly . I pressed uneven spots down gently with my fingers . You can either make the crust thin or thick , depending on the circumference of your rolling . Add your toppings . I spread pesto sauce for a garlicy punch , crumbled feta cheese , pre - cooked chicken and bacon , sun - dried tomatoes , and mozzarella and parmesan cheeses . It would be a great thing to make sure toppings aren 't piled too high , they 're chopped into bite - sized pieces so they cook evenly , and if you are using raw ingredients , make sure they are cooked ahead of time in case 15 minutes isn 't enough to do the job ! Bake for 15 - 18 minutes in a 450 - degree oven . Mine baked for 16 minutes . Next time , I might try baking the crust with tPosted by Parmesan Chickencopyright Food NetworkOriginal RecipeAt first glance , this recipe had two strikes . One , I 'm a huge traditional Chicken Parmesan fan and was skeptical about a tomato - less dish . Secondly , I don 't normally use Ina Garten aka Barefoot Contessa recipes , but my mom made this one and JT insisted that I reproduce it the next week . He says it tastes a lot like Wiener schnitzel and it 's one of his favorites I have made . But I can guarantee you , it 's A LOT easier to make , it just uses a lot of dishes ! No big deal . Andrea and Jason also said they liked this recipe . This is fast , easy , and good for hosting guests . Just make it ahead of time , clean your kitchen , and reheat ( just the chicken ) in the oven while you 're preparing the greens just before serving . I serve the chicken atop the greens and lemon vinaigrette . The lemon cuts the hearty , crunchy chicken nicely . Ingredients nocoupons4 to 6 boneless , skinless chicken breasts1 cup all - purpose flour1 teaspoon kosher salt1 / 2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper2 extra - large eggs1 tablespoon water1 1 / 4 cups seasoned dry bread crumbs1 / 2 cup freshly grated Parmesan , plus extra for servingUnsalted butterGood olive oilSalad greens for 6 , washed and spun dry ( buy the bag ; makes life easier ! ) 1 recipe Lemon Vinaigrette , recipe follows Directions Pound the chicken breasts until they are 1 / 4 - inch thick . You can use either a meat mallet or a rolling pin . Combine the flour , salt , and pepper on a dinner plate . On a second plate , beat the eggs with 1 tablespoon of water . On a third plate , combine the bread crumbs and 1 / 2 cup grated Parmesan . Coat the chicken breasts on both sides with the flour mixture , then dip both sides into the egg mixture and dredge both sides in the bread - crumb mixture , pressing lightly . ( Make sure they are completely coated with each . Also , use one hand to dip in dry ingredients and the other for the eggs and you won 't have breadcrumb paste to peel off your fingers . ) Heat 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a large saute pan and cook Posted by

Well guys and gals . . . this is it . The end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 . The beginning of a new decade ! I 'm pretty excited . 2009 has been a good year , but it 's certainly had it 's share of ups and downs . I started the year on crutches , going through a small breakup , and kind of unhappy about things . I felt really lost not being able to run or work out . I was so relieved and my mood instantly improved in February when I started running again . There have been a few guys . Dating has certainly not gotten any less complicated , but I 've learned some good lessons and had some fun with some different guys . I got to start racing again in June , and I managed to get a PR in several distances between June and today : the 5K , the 5 mile , the 10K , the 10 mile and the MARATHON ( by 20 minutes no less ! ) Running definitely went well for me , and I think I proved that you can come back from an injury stronger than ever . I feel really pleased with how I achieved running goals , and I 'm excited to see what I can do in the new year . I had to start working part - time in May due to the crappy economy , but I made the best of it and planned some trips . In 2009 , I went to Chicago twice ( once for Steph 's birthday and once for the marathon ) , Ireland and England for two weeks , Oregon / Washington , Orange Beach for a fun week with friends and Huntsville for my other marathon . Awesome times . I did some hiking . I went white water rafting . I watched MTSU baseball games with my sister . I saw Celine Dion , the New Kids on the Block , Death Cab for Cutie , Dave Matthews Band ( twice ! once from row 15 dead center ! ) , Dave Barnes , Matthew Perryman Jones and Imogen Heap in various concerts . I had fun nights with friends at The Big Bang in Nashville . I did a lot of volunteer work and even planned a 5K for the non - profit I serve at regularly . I celebrated birthdays and attended weddings . I lost two grandparents . I stayed connected and developed my relationships with old friends . I reconnected and became really good friends with an awesome group of people I knew in college . IMelanie We all know how Christmas shopping can go . One present for you , one present for me . One present for you , one present for me . I couldn 't help it . I rarely go shopping ( even though I 'm a girl , I don 't really enjoy this as a hobby ) , but when I do I often see things I want . I did pretty well this year and limited myself on how much I bought for myself , but there were a few things I had to buy . Most of it was clothing . Since I know I 'll likely be getting a job that I need to dress nicely for ( as opposed to my last job at a cabinet shop where I wore a t - shirt and jeans every day ) , I figured it was wise to go on and start buying some nicer clothes while I was finding them on sale . This will also keep me from having to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe all at once when I do find a job . But I also bought something that was totally not a necessity , definitely a want . I splurged . And it was worth it . I 've wanted to get some sort of Nashville skyline print or painting or something for a LONG time . Even though I know I may not always live in Nashville , it will always be home . It will always be the city I grew up living right on the edge of ( I don 't technically live right in Nashville , but close enough to claim it ) . I found this one at the Christmas Village back in November , and I am thrilled with how it looks hanging over my couch in my living room . It came matted and framed , so that totally made it a deal . I know this isn 't a great picture ( it 's hard to get one without any glare off the glass ) , but you get the idea . See if you can pick out which building we all affectionately refer to as " the Batman building . " I know it always throws out of towners of guard when we mention it . . . people are always like , " you have a Batman building ? What does that even mean ? ! " Heehee . This is the kind of thing that I know I will always be glad that I bought , and it will always hang somewhere in my home . . . no matter where I end up living . Merry Christmas to me ! Posted by We all have one . That one person who gets you . The one who has seen it all with you . The one that you 've experienced ups and downs with and came out just fine together on the other side . Steph and I met in high school . . . the first week of freshman year , in fact . She dropped a harmless note over my shoulder in first period algebra 2 , and the rest really was history . We shared many a note during our four years of high school , some of which I deemed worthy of saving and are stored in a little box in my closet . It 's fun to reread them every once in a blue moon . High school was full of crushes , first dates and first kisses . . . as well as first heartbreaks . We laughed a lot . We cried some ( because who are we kidding ? Even best friends have a little conflict from time to time ) . We played cards during study breaks and always killed the competition , especially in kemps . We had sleepovers . We went to football games . We sang in the hallways . We played Marco Polo in the hallways . Steph was the best thing that happened to me in high school . Even though we attended different colleges , we managed to see each other a few times a year and keep the friendship strong through email and phone calls . When she moved away to Boston for law school , I made sure to fly up there once a year . Somewhere in there I watched her meet a boy , fall in love , get engaged . . . and then I stood nearby as a bridesmaid when they got married . Fortunately , the boy understands my role in their lives . I think he 's pretty great , too . I love that she moved to Chicago because I can easily get there from Nashville thanks to Southwest Airlines . I was thrilled to share my Chicago marathon experience with her . We 've been through a lot since that day in algebra 2 when we were 14 and the world outside of school was such a mystery . I have a lot of really good friends . I 'm definitely very blessed and have some great relationships with a lot of people . . . but Steph will always be the one I claim as a best friend . She understands me . She gives great advice when I need it . She 's a grePosted by Did everyone else have a nice Christmas ? I know I certainly did , even if it has been a bit of a whirlwind . I have seriously had somewhere to be or something to do every night for the past several weeks , and that 's not changing any this week . Fortunately , it 's almost all been fun stuff . Our Christmas was pretty laid back this year . My dad went and got my grandma on Christmas Eve and we all had a big dinner that mom made . It was definitely a little weird to not have grandpa there , so that made everything a bit bittersweet to say the very least . I ended up staying up pretty late on Christmas Eve , mostly because I don 't sleep well when I 'm not in my own bed . Before I knew it , it was 8am and grandma was ready for everyone to get up . We had decided to do things a bit differently if at all possible this year since we knew it would be hard not having grandpa with us . We still ate breakfast first , but then we settled in and watched the Disney Christmas parade for two hours . Then we finally opened presents . My family is taking a vacation together soon , so Christmas was a bit smaller this year since we 've spent money on the trip . I still came home with some nice gifts . I was most excited about getting a Garmin GPS for the car . Sure , I 'd love one for running , but I wanted one for the car more . Plus , it was WAY cheaper than the watches . I also received some new clothes , a few movies and some other fun odds and ends . I am definitely a very blessed gal . We ended up going on Christmas night to see The Blind Side . It was a really great movie , so if you have the chance to see it then I totally recommend it . We 've gotten to spend a lot of time with other friends and family throughout the past week or so . It 's always nice to get together and have a meal or hang out with people this time of year and catch up . Please forgive me if I continue to be a bit scarce in my posting and commenting . I have SO much going on the next week or two . I promise that I 'll be sharing some thoughts for the new year soon as well as some other fun stuff ! So I wrote a post a few weeks ago and shared some of my ranting about how complicated dating always seems to be . You can check it out here if need be . I don 't really want to share much personal info tonight about where what I 'm about to say is coming from since as y ' all know I like to keep my dating stories a bit more private . Tonight I have little to rant about and need to offer a bit of a rave . Sometimes men can surprise you . Even though so many of us identify with some of the frustrations I shared in that post a few weeks ago ( I got a lot more comments and more emails about it than almost any other post has ever solicited ) , it 's true that something can happen that makes you forget about all that crappy stuff . Let 's face it : what we see in all the romantic comedies isn 't the rule . In every chick flick , the same thing happens . Boy meet girl . They fall in love or something like it . There 's a conflict and they part ways . Time passes . One of them realizes the error of their ways and comes back and fights to win the other person back . How many times has someone come back and fought for you ? My friends and I often talk about how when a guy ends something with us , it 's his loss . I 'm sure that we mostly say this to make ourselves feel better , but I know we all like to hope it 's kind of true . And it 's hard to not wonder sometimes if these guys don 't ever get down the road and realize they made a mistake . And it 's hard not to wonder if they 'd call you back up if that happens . Honestly , that 's never happened to me . . . until now . And it 's incredibly refreshing . I don 't know that it 's really going to turn into anything , and I 'm honestly not the least bit concerned about that right now . But what I do know is that it was nice to find out that there are men out there who have the guts to call you back up , apologize , and ask to see you again . I know there have been plenty of guys that I would have said no to if they had done that , but there have always been some that I knew I would give a second chance if they came back . I believe almostPosted by I 'm not even going to lie . I was told by someone tonight that I have a great butt . Someone from my past that was comfortable enough with me to tell me this even though he probably won 't spend much time in my future . Someone who I know is sincere and really meant it as a compliment and a way of encouraging me to keep up my running . Someone who at one time meant a lot to me and that I now consider a dear friend from my past . I totally went home grinning . It brought back specific memories of other times when my butt has been commented on , even the time when it was that one guy from NYC that I chatted with briefly at the Florabama and he yelled out " Nice @ $ $ " as I walked away . I turned back , smiled , and said thanks . It 's a compliment that some may feel is inappropriate whether given by a friend or a stranger , but as a runner ? As a runner , it 's a compliment that I love to hear . . . maybe even more so than when people tell me I have great legs . : ) It pays to be a runner . You 're going to have to forgive me if posting is scarce . Case in point : Thursday I had dinner with a good friend and then joined yet another good friend for the Dave Barnes Comedy Extravaganza at The Belcourt Theater . If you want a good laugh , search " Dave Barnes Christmas " on youtube . Trust me . Friday I hosted my annual Christmas party . I don 't really put a lot of work into this . I basically invite all my closest friends and ask everyone to bring something salty or sweet to share . We had a blast ! Saturday my sister graduated from college . Sunday we went to Manchester ( not in England , but rather THE COUNTRY here in TN ) to have dinner with some family . Tonight we had dinner with some other family friends . The next two nights involve plans with friends for the holidays . Then it 's Christmas Eve and Christmas . Then I 'm hoping to make a day trip to Knoxville to see my best friend if we 're able to work it out . Sunday we 're doing Christmas with some other family friends . Monday I have dinner plans . Tuesday and Wednesday are FINALLY plan free , but then it 's New Year 's Eve ( which I actually don 't have plans for yet , but I certainly hope to soon . ) I 've been enjoying it , but it 's kind of exhausting . Oh , and I 've done like ZERO running , but I 'm ok with that . I think that it 's wise to take a week or two off from running here and there so that the body can recover . I might go do a strength training class at the gym tomorrow , but I really don 't plan to run again until after Christmas . I 'm hoping to map out some racing plans for 2010 soon . I promise to share . Like I said , posting will be scare these next couple of weeks , but I 'm still trying to keep on top of reading your blogs and popping up when I can . Happy holidays ! So I know I 'm supposed to be taking it pretty easy since I just ran a marathon . As in , I shouldn 't be running this week . But I signed and paid for a 9 - week Tuesday night track clinic , and I wasn 't very well going to miss the last session . So I bundled up . . . because sure , it was almost 70 degrees here on Monday , but on Tuesday it was 32 . Wind chill of 25 . Yay . All we were doing was picking up our shirts ( awesome Brooks shirt , score ! ) and running a mile time trial to see if we had improved . The first week of the session was 2 days after running Chicago , so I figured it was decent that both of my time trials were right after marathons . At the first one , I ran an 8 : 14 . I knew I could run faster , but I had just run a 4 : 11 marathon and PRed by 20 minutes . At this one ? I ran a 7 : 06 . Dang . I mean , I HAD run slower in the marathon before this one . . . but still . I was kind of surprised to pull this off . It makes me wonder how fast I could run a mile if I HADN ' T just run a marathon in the couple of days before trying . I was born in 1983 , and back then video cameras were still a relatively new thing for families to own . My parents didn 't get one until I was about 9 months old , and the first four years of my life are on one VHS tape . They really only got it out on Christmas and my birthday , I think because it had to be hooked up to the tv in order to work . There are a ton of pictures from those years , but that video tape is soooo special to me . It 's the only glimpse I really have of those first few years of my life that I don 't really remember . Every once in a blue moon , I pull it out and watch it . I 've been doing so the past few nights . I 'll sit down and watch about 30 minutes of it before going to bed . And I love it . I hope that doesn 't sound too narcissistic of me . I think that Christmas just brings out this little part of me that wants so badly to reconnect with my youth . I miss that feeling of impatience that comes in December . Time goes by so quickly , but I remember how Christmas seemed forever away when I was a child . I also remember the excitement and how fun it was to try to squeeze my eyes shut in bed on Christmas Eve in hopes that I would hurry up and fall asleep so that Santa Claus would come . My second Christmas is the first one on the tape , and I love how I am shown standing at the edge of the living room . My parents and grandparents are trying to coax me to go across the room and check out the toys that Santa brought , but I was so overwhelmed by them that I wasn 't quite sure what to make of it all . I finally go across and pick up one of the like four Care Bears sitting in the red wagon . Then I notice the pretend vacuum and ironing board , and I start using them " like mommy " as they suggest . I find the doctor 's kit and mom shows me how to use various plastic instruments to play doctor . My third Christmas started in a similar way , but Santa wrapped this presents this year . I bring them to the couch to open them one by one . I love seeing how animated my grandpa was and how excited he got as I got excited over each presentPosted by I got to do something kind of different last week . I worked at a benefit dinner for the non - profit I volunteer for here in Nashville . I 've never really been to a fancy benefit dinner , mostly because even though I would love to pay $ 200 to go to one since it goes to a good cause I just can 't really afford to make that large of a donation . This is why I usually donate much more of my time than my money . I was pretty excited about working it , in part because I got to get really dressed up . I don 't have too many reasons to do that these days . I had bought an awesome dress recently at White House Black Market ( only because it was ridiculously on sale ) so I was pumped to wear it ( sorry , I didn 't take any pictures ) . There was a silent auction that had some really awesome items on it , and the live auction was really neat to witness . They were auctioning off things like trips and wine tastings and golf with Titans players . . . and people were forking over some serious dough . It was awesome because the event raised $ 150 , 000 for the non - profit ! ! ! But it blows me away that people have that much money sometimes . I just can 't imagine . But believe me , if I had it I 'd totally spend it on awesome things like that where I would know the money was going to a great cause . Jars of Clay did a little performance , and it was pretty cool because I 've enjoyed their music for years ever since they hit radio with " Flood " back in the day . It was fun to get to kind of enjoy the event even while working it . I definitely think that giving my time to stuff like this is a big part of what fulfills me . I always enjoy myself when I 'm working at an event for a good cause . In a lot of ways , I feel like my service is just as helpful as writing a check could be . I encourage everyone to consider donating some time to a good cause if at all possible sometime soon . I know it 's easy to get in the spirit to give of ourselves this time of year , but I encourage us all to remember to continue to do it in the new year as well . All sorts of organizations need help yearPosted by On Saturday , December 12th , I ran my sixth marathon . This is my story . On Friday , I made myself get up early so that I would hopefully have little trouble getting to sleep that night . Even though I was busy doing laundry and packing for the overnight trip , it still hadn 't really sunk in that I would be running a marathon the next day . I haven 't quite made sense of that . I can 't figure out if it 's that I have done such a good job of not placing pressure on myself about races this year that I just feel little anxiety OR if I 've run enough races now that I know there 's little to be nervous about . My parents joined me for the drive down to Huntsville Friday afternoon . I stopped by the race headquarters to pick up my shirt and number . . . I was pleased when I found out it was # 1338 since it started with my lucky number 13 - just like in Chicago ! I had also heard Bart Yasso would be at the expo , so I was a total nerd and got him to sign my copy of his book that I had bought last year . The expo was more like 3 booths of running gear , so we were quickly out of there and at Olive Garden for a yummy meal . We were in the hotel by 7pm , so I got all my stuff ready and climbed into bed to watch Christmas movies until I crashed around 11pm . I was up a little before 7am and got dressed . Since the temperature was going to be in the mid to upper 30s the whole time , I opted to wear long sleeves and long pants . This was actually the first marathon I have ever had to run in pants . A headband for my ears and gloves rounded out my race day outfit . At the start , I located running pals Amy , Matt and Cheryl for some pre - race pictures . We all kind of shared the feeling that this would not be a PR kind of day . The cold wasn 't really all that bad , but there was a bit of a wind that we had to run into a few different times . Plus , Amy , Matt and I had all recently run marathons . I definitely didn 't want to put pressure on myself to try to run even faster than I did in Chicago when that race was already a PR by 20 minutes . I definitely want to break 4 hPosted by So I 'm running a marathon on Saturday . I still don 't think it 's quite sunk in yet . I 've been so laid back about running a second marathon this year . In fact , I probably haven 't trained as well in between races as I originally intended . . . but I got some good long runs in and know that I 'm capable of going the distance on Saturday . Will it be a new PR ? Who knows . . . I 'm not really setting any goals or making any expectations for myself . I had a hell of a race in Chicago , and I 'm not going to be upset if I don 't top it . I am not really trying to top it . Rocket City is a small marathon with 1500 runners . Huntsville is nothing spectacular to run around . It 's going to be chilly , and as of right now there 's a 70 % chance of rain . But I will be starting the race with 3 Nashville friends . I will run 26 . 2 . And I will feel fantastic about completing another marathon regardless of what the finish line clock says when I get there . Maybe I 'll feel great and pull out a PR . Maybe I 'll stay relaxed and have fun running with friends . Maybe it will suck . Who knows . But I don 't mind waiting to see how it goes . A marathon is a marathon , and I 'm thrilled to be able to run another one . We 'll see what happens when I get out there . Since it 's such a small race there isn 't any runner tracking , but you 'll probably be able to look up the results at the Rocket City website before I get to a computer to post them . By the way . . . I know this might be way too much info . . . but I have to say it . You know you 're a marathon runner when you find yourself getting pumped in the days before a marathon because you realize you 've gotten your # 2 bathroom schedule so that it 's happening in the afternoons and therefore you have a good chance of getting through the marathon without having to go . : ) Hope everyone has a terrific weekend whether you 're racing or hitting up Christmas parties . I 'll see you all again on the other side of my sixth marathon ! Today was a good day . I slept in - which I need to stop doing tomorrow so that I can get on a more normal sleep schedule and hopefully go to bed at a decent time Friday night before my marathon . I baked 3 different kinds of cookies . I like doing some extra baking over the holidays , and between needing some goods to give as gifts and to take to a party this weekend I needed to get on top of it and make some things . I love making cookies from scratch . By the time all was said and done , I had made peanut butter cookies with Hershey 's kisses on top , chocolate oat no - bake cookies , and sugar cookies with Christmas sprinkles . I watched So You Think You Can Dance and Glee . Has anyone else been watching SYTYCD this season ? I was a little miffed over the results tonight . I think Mollee is a better dancer than Elanore , and I don 't think it 's quite fair that Ashleigh got through and Mollie didn 't when she didn 't even dance and we don 't even know if she can dance in the finale next week . I think Jakob should win , so I suppose I don 't REALLY care . But still . . . At least the Glee fall finale rocked and made me happy . I also met with my financial advisor today . I always love the semi - annual meetings . It makes me excited to know that I 'm being smart by saving and investing and planning for the future . Seriously , I don 't understand why more people don 't do the same . I also read all your sweet comments about the video of Tucker in the tree . : ) It 's interesting , because I had a pretty laid back day when I think about it . I think that it 's days like this one that make me enjoy the holiday season . I love thinking about how the people I give gifts to will enjoy them . I love looking over and seeing my pretty Christmas tree . I love going to parties . It 's easy to feel a little down this time of year . I want a special someone in my life , and I feel that as I get invitations to parties and do my shopping and baking . . . I want someone to share it all with . But that day will come , and I enjoy what the holidays are as a single gal . I have a lot of gooPosted by Tucker is generally a well - behaved cat . I don 't really ever have any issues with him . . . until I put up my Christmas tree . It 's like his little youthful side comes back out ( but I think we all experience that this time of year ) . Here 's a little video as requested by several of you . My southern voice adds some narration . Untitled from Mel Belle on Vimeo . I 've been busy lately with finishing up my Christmas decorating and shopping , planning some holiday baking and deciding on outfits for Christmas parties . I only listen to Christmas music in the car this time of year , so I 'm humming a carol almost all of the time . I love Christmas . It really is such a festive time , and I love having the extra reasons to connect with people and do fun things you can only do at Christmas . One such activity ? Checking out the Christmas lights and decorations at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville . I don 't do this every year , mostly because it 's always the same and I like having a few years to forget what it all looks like . I like going and entering this mystical land of twinkly lights and waterfalls and greenery . The hotel is seriously amazing , and I love having a reason to go out there and wander around . A good friend of mine suggested we head out there , and as soon as he said it I knew that I couldn 't think of a better way to spend my Saturday night . So after dinner , we headed out there and joined the massive crowds ( Opry Mills mall is nearby , and you can imagine it 's a madhouse this time of year ) . After we finally found a parking spot , we made our way into the hotel and wandered around talking and checking out the lights . So simple , but so lovely . Twinkly lights ! The nativity scene and the really cool trees covered in lights . Us with the big tree off in the distance . Oh , and did I mention it 's gotten really freaking cold here ? 25 degrees ! ! ! I have photo evidence , see ? I guess it makes it feel more like Christmas , but dang I hate the cold . I also watched the movie The Holiday this weekend with my mom . . . I LOVE that one as far as the " newer " holiday movies go . I also finished up some crafting that I am really proud of . . . but I can 't tell you about it because it was something I did as part of my gifts for my friends this year . If I remember , I 'll share a picture of what I made after I 've given them out . This week is going to be kind of busy , mostly because of the season . I 've got plans with differentPosted by Since I opened up a bit about dating ( and thanks everyone for your comments ! It 's both comforting and unsettling to find out I 'm not alone with what I 've experienced ) and since several people have suggested that maybe I SHOULD write about dating more often , I figured I might as well open up a bit more before returning to our regularly scheduled programming . ( I can 't help it . . . I 'm tapering for my marathon that happens next weekend , so I have little to say on the running front . ) I had a boyfriend in college / after college for a little less than 3 years . I 'm pretty sure I 've never said anything about him on here . This is intentional . I will continue to not say much . We don 't speak . In fact , I haven 't seen him in 2 1 / 2 years . We 're not friends on Facebook . We don 't follow each other on Twitter . So I don 't think it 's important for me to say anything about him . The past is the past . Now that it 's been 3 1 / 2 years since we broke up , it sometimes feels like it never even happened . It was so long ago . The details are fuzzy . It 's almost as if we 're strangers now . But our lives are still mingled at times . We have mutual friends , so sometimes I hear things . It 's usually in one ear and out the other , but nonetheless I have a good idea what his life is like now . Every now and then , I wonder if that goes both ways . I might go for MONTHS without thinking anything about him , and then I 'll happen to hear someone say they saw him or some inconsequential detail that they heard about him . ( It 's funny how people think you might want to know these things even though you never ask . ) Tonight ? I had an interesting reminder of him and his family and what my life was like 5 or so years ago when things were really good with him . I didn 't expect it at all . I was watching the 2 - hour Private Practice tonight . Anyone else tune in ? During the last couple of minutes of the show ( the second hour of it ) , there was a beautiful song playing in the background . Something about it sounded familiar . I knew I had never actually heard the song , but I recognizedPosted by There are a lot of reasons why I say VERY little about dating on my blog . I 'm not exactly anonymous , and I don 't want the guys I 'm dating to read what I might write about them . I am by nature a fairly private person about personal details . I don 't like to talk much about it when things don 't work out . Sometimes I question my own policy about writing about dating because believe me - as a 2osthing single gal I have a LOT of really great stories I could share . Some good , some bad . . . but in the end , they all feel pretty personal . I end up not sharing many because in some ways it feels less personal to me if I tell everyone about it . ( Of course , I plan on writing a book about my dating experiences someday , haha . That will be different . I probably won 't do it until the last chapter can be about finding Mr . Right , ha . ) I mentioned I had a few dates with a guy , so now because I mentioned it I feel like I have to mention that it 's ended up not being something that 's going to go anywhere . No need to feel down for me . . . I was having fun , but it was still relatively new and it 's so not a big deal for it to be over now . But I 've been in this same exact place plenty of times . It almost doesn 't even surprise me anymore when I get that call that things are over . I think I can tell the guy what he 's about to say to end things before it ever even comes out of his head ( or butt , ha ) . A friend and I exchanged some emails today and found that we 've both got the same stories : He 's not looking for a relationship . He 's not over his ex - girlfriend . He doesn 't have time to commit because he needs to focus on something else . Etc . That 's all fine and dandy , but here 's my issue with this stuff : Don 't ask me out if any of the above or anything similar to the above apply to you . I 'm serious . Dating is fun and all , but don 't lead me on . Don 't ask me out and then ask me out again and then start telling me how much you like me and why you like me and how you want to do such and such with me next week and how much fun you have with me . . . because if you keep doPosted by With it being a new month , it 's time for another 101 in 1001 update . Here 's what I accomplished in November : 6 . Run in at least eight races I 've never run in before - I ran the Team Nashville 10 - miler on 11 / 14 / 09 . 68 . Go to three concerts per year - I saw Imogen Heap at Exit / In here in Nashville 11 / 20 / 09 . 95 . Watch one new movie per month , minimum - Totally nailed this one . I watched a lot of movies this month ! Couples ' RetreatTaking of Pelham 123Imagine ThatAssassination of a High School PresidentParanormal ActivityThe Most Wonderful Time of the YearUp17 AgainThe Rocker96 . Read one book per month , minimum - I read a book called A Beautiful Mess about the Nashville country band Diamond Rio . Not a terrific read , but it was interesting to read their story . 99 . Name my car - I had wanted to maybe give it a cute clever name , but I 've decided to just call it The Cougar . . . because it 's actually a cougar , not because I 'm one ! : ) So I didn 't really accomplish that much in November , but it 's been kind of a crazy month . I 'm sure December will be as well , but hey . . . I 'm still making progress ! I promise I haven 't disappeared . But I know it 's been a while since I posted . And I 'm way behind on my Google Reader . I will catch up in time . Where have I been ? Well , my grandpa passed away last weekend . I made a post on Twitter and Facebook , and I thank you all for your kind words and prayers . It made last week pretty rough , but we got through it and managed to say our goodbyes . We had a nice Thanksgiving . I started my day by running the Boulevard Bolt 5 - mile race that I 've been running the past few years on Thanksgiving . I felt pretty good and finished it in 41 : 44 , a new PR by about 16 seconds . It 's nothing to brag about , but I was still pleased . I enjoyed a super lovely nap before having a HUGE meal with the family . I did some Black Friday shopping with my mom and sister . We always go later in the day so that we don 't get swamped with all of the early morning crazies . I managed to find a few more gifts , and I also bought a few things for myself . : ) I 'm less than 2 weeks away from running the Huntsville marathon . My 20 - miler went well , and I 'm really enjoying being in taper mode again . The holidays are always a little crazy , but I 'll be back soon with better updates than these little tidbits . I 've finally finishing decorating for Christmas , so I 'll have to share some photos soon ! Posted by I have a few odds and ends about various things to share today . First , I found something in Self magazine that I wanted to share . The last article in the November issue is about Jessica Capshaw , the gal who plays Dr . Arizona Robbins on Grey 's Anatomy . She 's quoted as saying , " My mom told me a person builds a life and then goes off and does a job . Hopefully , you enjoy that job . . . but it can 't become your life , which is about family , friends and things that are permanent . " I think these words are SO true , and it 's definitely how I feel about working and specifically my job search right now . I want my life to be fulfilling . I believe that work can indeed be part of that , and I certainly want to find a job where I feel fulfilled by what I do since I 'll be spending 40 hours a week doing it . But work isn 't where I think most of my fulfillment comes from . It definitely comes from the relationships I have and the other things I spend my time doing outside of work ! A few other tidbits : Yesterday I wore sweats all day . I actually never even put on a bra . In fact , I never even left my house . It was awesomeI have recently watched two old movies that I remembered from my youth . Courtney mentioned watching Follow That Bird , so I had to dig it out and see it . I hadn 't watched it in years , but it brought back memories of which scenes I liked best as a kid . Does anyone else remember it ? I also watched Three Men and a Baby . I forgot to watch for the scene where the guy is standing in the background that isn 't supposed to be there . That part always creeped me out when I was younger . My grandpa is being moved to hospice as soon as a bed is available . We 're not sure how much longer he has , but it 's probably not much . I 'm doing ok , but it 's definitely a sad time for our family . I got a great four miles in today and am gearing up for a 20 - miler this weekend . I 'm also going to see Imogen Heap in concert this weekend , and I CAN ' T WAIT ! Oh , and I have a second date with a guy . : ) I have also managed to almost finish my Christmas shopping . I love to gePosted by I can 't believe I haven 't said much about it on my blog yet , but I 've been trying something new since I got back from Chicago . I joined a distance track clinic at MTSU ( also my alma mater ) . For $ 75 , we get a weekly clinic and workout with the distance coach for nine weeks , a long - sleeve tech shirt and the freedom to get advice from the coach at any time . I also got an awesome discount on some running shoes through the coach 's connections . It 's been really fun the past 5 sessions . I try to do some speedwork as part of my marathon training anyways , and it 's super awesome to get to go do it with other people and a coach ! It 's also been bringing back high school memories since I haven 't done much running on a track since those days ! I can 't say that the information has been new . I have been into distance running for a while and read a ton about it on my own , but it 's always nice to hear what a distance coach thinks about all of the information that 's out there . Last night , he shared a ton of great info on core exercises , and I left feeling inspired to try to do a better job of working on my core . The biggest advantage I 've found so far is that I push myself harder when I 'm out there on the track running with other people . . . and with someone watching . Last week we did 6x800 , and I ran all of them with a 8 : 00 pace . That 's kind of fast for me . Last night , he had us do 20 minutes at tempo , so I ran about a 9 : 00 pace . Then he wanted us to run a hard mile , and I ran mine in 7 : 20 . DANG ! I think it 's been helping me to improve a bit on my speed , and I can 't complain about that . I hope that I can continue to stay on top of doing these kinds of workouts even after the clinic is over . I share all this to say that if something like this is ever offered in your area , I would definitely suggest taking advantage of it ! I think everyone gets different things out of such a clinic , but I know that I 'm finding it to be a really great part of my marathon training . I guess a big part of it is that it helps me to make sure I don 't blow off my sMelanie Ok , so I 'm totally bragging , but sometimes that 's just what you need to do . I have been super productive lately . This has mostly been spurred by the impending holidays . I 'm going to be pulling out my Christmas decorations and tree sometime in the next two weeks , and I figure I might as well have a super clean house before I put it all out . Today I : Vacuumed my entire houseDusted everything that could be dustedCleaned both bathroomsCleaned the kitchenDid laundryIroned everything that had piled up that needed to be ironedPut all clothes awaySweated a TON at a spin classHad dinner with my dadWatched How I Met Your Mother and Accidentally on PurposeCaught up on emailsMade my Christmas shopping list ( and I actually already crossed a lot of people off because I bought several gifts last week ! ) I am pooped . I 'm planning on showering and then settling down on my couch to watch Jimmy Fallon . Speaking of Jimmy Fallon , I totally had a dream last night where I got to go to a taping of his show and I got all excited I won a prize . However , the prize turned out to be a free pass to a class at the gym . I was like , " Um , I run freaking marathons . This little class is nothing " and I was all disappointed . Then I woke up . I also had a few other crazy dreams ( it 's funny how some nights are like that ) , but I 'll be keeping them to myself . Oh , last night I also got some more work done on my scrapbook . I am determined to finish scrapbooking my college years sometime in the near future . One of these days I 'll get caught up and scrap all the awesome trips I 've been on lately . On Saturday , I ran the Team Nashville 10 - Miler ! I hadn 't run this race since 2006 , and back then it was actually a half marathon . In fact , it was the first half marathon I had ever run ! Fall is beautiful in Tennessee , so I had been looking forward to running this race and enjoying all of the fall colors all week . I also needed to get a solid 16 - 17 miles in for my Huntsville training , and I find it 's really helpful when part of such a long run is a race . Plus , it helps me to get a sense of how I 'm doing in terms of my racing fitness . I managed to talk the Bob into running this week as a way of going out of his 40s in style ( since he 'd be turning 50 the next day ! ) We got to the race , picked up our race hoodies ( who can complain about a $ 23 race where you get a hoodie ? ! ) and then sat in the truck to stay warm until start time . At the start line , I easily found Amy since there were only about 130 runners . The three of us set out together chit chatting and settling into a groove . When I saw our first mile was done in 8 : 15 , I felt a little nervous . I knew that this was a bit too fast for me , but I also wondered deep down if I could actually hold it . We did slow down a tiny bit over the next mile or two , but I felt confident we were still clocking 8 : 30 or so . I think maybe we had a 9 : 00 around mile 3 or so . Shortly before mile 5 , I was feeling pretty good and decided to pull ahead of Amy and Bob . Part of me always feels a little bit bad about this because I hate leaving people behind , but at the same time it wasn 't a training run ( where I 'm usually not as concerned about time ) and I was curious to see how well I could do . After running up a HUGE hill at mile 5 , I used the downhill to coast a bit and catch my breath . I found myself running with this other man for about 2 miles . We didn 't talk , but I could tell that we were silently pushing each other . Around mile 7 , I realized that if I could keep up the pace , I could have a PR . At mile 8 , I decided that I needed to start picking people off . I knew that I 'd never keep running tPosted by First off , thank you all for your comments on yesterday 's post . It was really fun to read what others think about how Facebook affects dating . Did anyone else watch the CMAs last night ? Being in Nashville , I 'm pretty familiar with a lot of country music . I can 't say I 'm a die hard country fan , but there is a lot of it out there that I do like . Brad Paisley . Carrie Underwood . ( Ironically , both the show 's hosts . ) Lady Antebellum . Keith Urban . Tim McGraw . Rascal Flatts . I love watching the CMAs more than any other awards show , and I think it 's for the same reason that Patricia Heaton seemed so tickled to be presenting an award . She made a comment about how it 's one of the most fun awards shows she 's attended . Brad and Carrie made comments about how country music artists are kind of one big happy family , and I think that 's true . Most of those artists live here in Nashville . There are frequent Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman spottings ( not that I 've seen them yet . ) We don 't have paparazzi chasing them around . I love seeing the performances . I love hearing the acceptance speeches . I love seeing who wins the awards . I shared a few thoughts about the show on Twitter last night , and I 'll share them here along with a few more as well : I love that Brad Paisley thanked his wife ( actress Kimberly Williams Paisley ) first in his acceptance speech . I always love seeing evidence of southern gentlemen who know how to respect their women . I agreed with a friend of mine that Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland is captivatingI said that I never thought I 'd see Dave Matthews perform on the CMAs . He 's SO my favorite , and while I 'm not a big Kenny Chesney fan I think it 's pretty cool they have a song together . I 'd like to know how many dresses Carrie Underwood ended up wearing . I also commented that while I know Taylor Swift is talented ( mostly as a songwriter ) , she doesn 't measure up to Brad , Carrie and Keith in my opinion . I always feel a little disappointed when I hear her live because it never sounds as good as her recorded stuff . I suppose she 's woPosted by I very rarely talk about dating on this here blog , mostly because I tend to keep stuff like that pretty private and also because I don 't ever know if someone I 'm dating is reading what I write . However , I have come across something that I 'd like to share . I was recently asked for my phone number . Then , I was recently called and asked out to dinner and a movie . ( BTW , how awesome is it that a man actually called after asking for my number ? This seems like such a novelty since it so rarely happens . What is it with guys not calling ? ! But that 's a whole ' nuther blog post . ) I 'm not really going to share any details just yet because you all know that I don 't ever say much unless someone has ventured into boyfriend territory , but suffice it to say that I 'm kind of looking forward to the evening . Anyways , what I do want to share is that this guy doesn 't have Facebook . Or Twitter . And if he has email ( surely he has email ! ) , I don 't know it yet . Goodness , I don 't even know if he has a computer . But he definitely doesn 't exist on the internet . Facebook has kind of become the new first date , don 't you think ? You meet someone you think you 're kind of into , and one of you makes the move of making a friend request . Then , you scour the profile and the pics . . . Do you like the same music ? Can you handle his favorite movies ? Do his pictures indicate he 's a player , an alcoholic , a druggie , etc . ? Come on . . . we know that we ALL do it . I 'm willing to bet the guys do it to a certain extent , too . Honestly , many of my dates have been initiated in the past through Facebook . I 've talked on Facebook chat to a guy I was dating while we were both at work . It 's just become part of our lives , and it affects everything - even dating . I think there 's one guy I dated who only ever asked me out on Facebook or through email . I think we spoke on the phone only a handful of times . So it 's kind of different to not be able to check out this guy 's profile . It feels a little nostalgic in some ways . It reminds me of how when I was in high school , the only interactiPosted by I 'm not going to lie . I haven 't exactly been as focused on working out since Chicago as I would have liked . Honestly ? I think my body really needed me to take it easy . But I think I found my mojo again . I met up with Amy on Saturday to run the 11 . 2 miles of brutal hills in Percy Warner . We took it pretty easy , and honestly I was glad we were because I had been a bit nervous about the run . I haven 't run more than 9 miles at a time since Chicago , and I certainly haven 't done hills since before I started tapering for that race . All in all , I got the mileage in and I felt pretty good . I want to get a solid run of 15 - 17 miles in next week and then a 20 - miler the next before I taper again for the Huntsville marathon . Sure , it would have been better to get a few more long runs in . . . but I 'm just wanting to finish this marathon , not pull off some amazing time . I 'm feeling pretty fit , and I doubt that I 'm losing much endurance from taking it so conservatively right now . Yesterday I had coffee with a new friend through the Nashville Striders ( hi Misty ! ) . Here 's one of the things I really love about running : we runners LOVE to talk about running . It 's always so nice to connect with other people who are interested in discussing training and fuel strategies and local races over a cup of joe . After I got home , I changed clothes and headed to the gym for a spin class . This was significant for two reasons . 1 ) I haven 't bee going to the gym as much the past couple of months . I feel a little guilty because I usually like to make sure I use the things I pay for , but I honestly have just been running more outside and taking it easy on the other days . 2 ) I haven 't been doing as much cross training as I should be , and it 's time to get back to it . Plus , all of Chic Runner 's talk about spin classes have been inspiring me . This class kicked my freaking @ $ $ ! I was dripping sweat and out of breath within the first five minutes . I forgot how great of a workout I always get in these classes , and I 'm making it a point to get to a couple a week nowPosted by Sometimes I have kind of a silly sense of humor , so when I find other people that either laugh at me or have a silly humor of their own , I am kind of delighted . I had coffee last week with a friend at this charming little place in Hillsboro Village called Fido ( actually , I ended up having coffee with a friend there on two different nights last week ) . I couldn 't help but crack up when I read the coffee cup sleeve . You should be able to click the photo and make it bigger , but if not it says : " Practice safe coffee . Always use a bongo coffee condom . " Then at the bottom : " We appreciate your addiction . " Have you ever done something different that was a bit outside of the box compared to how you usually do things ? As I get older , the more willing I am to try things a bit differently . Sometimes I find it goes well , and other times I find I like to stick to things that I feel are more comfortable . Last night , a friend and I did something that was a little different for both of us . Let me share the back story . Last weekend on Halloween night I went to a bonfire at a friend 's house . After everyone else had gone home , she and I popped in another party and then went to this chill little place to hang out and people watch . When we headed to the car to head home , there were a couple of guys who were getting into their car next to our 's . They started talking to us , and we ended up standing in the parking lot chatting with them for about 10 minutes even though it was like 30 something degrees and we were freezing our crunchberries off since our costumes weren 't exactly warm ( MAJOR bonus points to anyone who recognize the " freezing our crunchberries off " reference ) . The guy suggested we all hang out sometime , and one of them got my friend 's number in order to set it up . We went home saying that they seemed nice , but we had little expectations regarding the whole situation because - well , let 's face it - most guys that you meet out like that never call . On Thursday night , my friend and I sat out in a field with another friend watching a meteor shower . Yes , it was after midnight . Yes , it was freezing cold . Yes , I wore layers and had two blankets . Yes , we saw some of the meteors , and yes , it was awesome . Sometimes it 's being able to go do things like this that really make me appreciate being young and single . Anyways , where I 'm going with this is that I asked her if she 'd heard from the one guy , and she hadn 't . On Friday night , we found out that their ears must have been burning because she 'd heard from the one guy and they wanted to make plans with us for Saturday . We both thought it was kind of funny since we 'd just been talkMelanie A friendly reminder to all my dear readers . . . my blog postings are original works authored by myself and remain my property . I always reference and give credit to other people 's works that I quote / post . I expect anyone else referencing my writings to do the same . My original works and images are copyrighted , and I remind you that plagiarism is against the law . : ) Thank you for reading .

This is probably the last quilt using half square triangle units that I 'll make for a while . As you may recall if you follow my blog , I had made a decision a year or more ago to investigate the design possibilities of this simple but versatile unit . I 've made several quilts that use this basic geometry , which you can revisit here . For the moment , I 'm done with this motif : as you can imagine , I 've made hundreds and hundreds of the basic unit of paired right angle triangles and I would prefer not to make any more for a while . I want to get looser with my quilt construction , letting go of rigid geometry and seeing what might happen if I have no idea where I 'm going . Still , I 've enjoyed my journey through the possibilities offered by half square triangles and I like the quilts that resulted , including this one . What do you think ? I really love it . In its small and contained way , it strikes me as beautifully balanced between chaos and order , if I say so myself Once again ( as with Log Cabins Adrift ) , a striped fabric from my stash made a big difference to the final design . I love the way that pink and red stripe corrals the wild array of fabrics inside its perimeter in both borders , and the way it pops out the reds and pinks and complements the greeny yellows . And the black and white print is just as important , sinking back behind the colourful bits and bringing almost a three dimensional feel to this design . The one thing I wish was different is that I 'd like it to be about four times the size . At about a metre square , it 's too small even for a lap quilt , though it might make a good crib quilt , for a baby with an unusual taste in colours . But I think it looks terrific against the old barn boards on our feed shed . Here 's a closeup so that you can see the two pieced borders more clearly . If you 've gone to the links I 've included above and looked at all the quilts there , you may recognize that the inner border , the sawtooth one , is made up of fabrics I used in a quilt that was a gift for a baby living on Gabriola Island . And the pieced outer border , which is heavy to greens , contains all the corners that I chopped off the log cabin units when making Log Cabins Adrift . This kind of transfer from one quilt to another is enormously satisfying : not only is it a source of great joy to find a hope for orphan pieces , but I love how well these parts from different quilts play together . Winter has been pretty easy on us so far ( I hope I 'm not tempting fate by saying so ) . That said , we 've had quite a range of weather : snow , rain , temperatures just below zero , temperatures just above freezing , sunshine , fog . Driving , I admit , has not been much fun , but the woodpile is definitely fuller than usual at this time of year because it 's been so mild . And it makes the snow on the ground a little deeper . We love it . All moisture is welcome , insurance against dangerously low water table levels come summer . On last week 's blog post , I didn 't have room to show you one of the things that happened last weekend . As you may realize if you 've been reading here lately , we 've had a reasonable amount of snow over the past month or so . And you may also remember that we have quite a lot of driveway to clear of snow . In one of my first blog posts a couple of years ago , I showed you photographs of my dear husband driving Oscar and Ivy hitched to a horse - drawn snow plough to clear the driveway . I love an equine snowplough day because it 's so beautiful to watch the horses work , especially on a day as beautiful as the one on the occasion of those photographs . But there are drawbacks to the technology . The plough is not a perfect piece of equipment . There is always a bit of lateral pushback from the snowbanks , but when the snow is wet and heavy and the snowbanks have compressed to concrete - like hardness , the blade of the plough tends to bounce off the piles of snow beside the driveway rather than pushing them back onto the lawn . The teamster gets frustrated and the horses are working hard without making much progress . So this year dh decided not to plough the driveway with horses . Instead , he waited until he didn 't need his trusty old TD15 ( known in the family as Theodora ) anymore to work on clearing his son 's building site and then had it trucked home . It 's always a dramatic moment , watching the big low - bed pull in under our gate since the cross - piece isn 't very high above the top of the truck or the top of the cat ( aka bulldozer or crawler - - I 'm hopeless at being able to tell the difference between these machines ) and the gate is a narrow squeeze for the low - bed . You may wonder why I bothered taking pictures of this unloading procedure , so I 'll tell you . For one thing , having something this big turn up in one 's driveway is an impressive sight . For another thing , unloading the machine is a somewhat nerve - wracking moment . You can see the low - bed 's hinged ramp in place below the tracks of the cat . And you can also see that the ramp ends a couple of feet above the ground . That 's why the cedar blocks are in place below the ramp : to give the machine something on which to step down . Without them , the cat would end up tipped back at a dangerous angle . Even with the blocks , the machine tips backward to an alarming degree : for several seconds , the driver ( my dear husband ) can see nothing but sky above him . Below you see the moment of maximum anxiety for me : the machine is committed to the backward motion but it 's pointing up toward the heavens with ( momentarily ) nothing but air below the tracks . Yikes ! This moment would have made a more dramatic photograph had I thought to stand to the side of the machine , but that didn 't occur to me until afterward . This is the low - bed , driven by a fellow woodlot licencee . It 's what is called a hook truck , because it has a hydraulic grapple that allows the driver to pick up logs from landings out in the woods and load them on the truck . We rely on this kind of machine for trucking our logs because we don 't have a machine big enough to lift logs onto a truck . You can just see the seat on the platform over the cab : that 's where the driver sits to operate the grapple . Hook trucks are , unfortunately , becoming rare around here : we know of only one other truck with this capacity locally . The next day I was still not myself , but my perceptive dh knew that getting outside and moving would make a world of difference . I 'm glad you can 't see the look of deep skepticism I gave him when he suggested I get my ski stuff on . But some part of me knew he was right , so off we went . We drove up to the spot where our new piece of land buts onto dh 's woodlot , liberated the dogs from the back of the pickup , strapped on our skis , and skied off into the woods . See our peaceful and solitary route ? So beautiful , so stress - reducing . Poor Sass is hampered by the snow because her legs aren 't very long . She usually comes along behind us in the ski tracks . Django is hampered by nothing . The next day we found ourselves skiing in quite a purposeful snowfall . Sass had some trouble keeping up at times . Can you imagine how invigorating this was ? And the smell ! This patch of woodlot was logged within the last couple of years , so the cut wood and fallen boughs are still aromatic . It smelled like a reprise of Christmas . Total aromatherapy well - being . I think it was aromatherapy for the dogs too , but of a rather more stimulating nature . As we skied along , dh suddenly spotted bobcat tracks beside our ski trail . I lowered the exposure in this photo so that you can see the tracks more clearly : if you look closely , you can see the marks of the cat 's nails . The dogs were wildly interested in the scent the bobcat left behind , and also in the moose tracks we found a bit further along . I didn 't bother photographing the moose tracks : one deep round hole in the snow looks much like another . But it 's nice to know that the neighbours are around and going about their own busy lives . Since it 's January , it 's also the season of diving into the Greenwood Public Library annual raffle quilt construction . This year , for the first time , we picked our patterns ( for the main quilt and the lap quilt that 's second prize ) after a couple of meetings in the fall , and then bought the fabric on the first day of my vacation in December . The fabric buying trip is one of the highlights of the whole quilt - making process . The quilt shop owners from whom we buy our fabrics invariably remark on our ability to work together to choose the fabrics for our quilts , and when I consider our varying tastes in colour , in quilting styles , and in pattern and texture , I suppose it is remarkable that we can go through this process ( which can take up to two hours ) in a spirit of cooperation and collaboration throughout . We enjoy the spirited arguments about which fabrics to buy and we also have a good time going out for lunch together afterward . After the fabric - buying trip , Ann washed and dried and pressed all the fabric ( a huge job : thanks Ann ) and we were able to plunge in on the first Sunday afternoon of the new year . In years past we 've found ourselves slowed down by having to defer the fabric - buying trip because of my work schedule or because people are away . And we have a limited time to get these two quilts done : we already have an appointment with Michelle at Wine Country Quilts : she quilts our two quilts as a charitable donation ( i . e . without charge ) each year , which is lovely of her . Not only that , but we don 't want to still be spending our Sunday afternoons inside once gardening season starts . We don 't yet have any blocks sewn and up on the design wall , but we 've been working hard on cutting and sewing the basic units that make up the blocks . Ann had everything laid out and ready to go when we walked in for our first work session . The eye - watering post - it labels tell us which quilts the fabrics are for . Ann is the most orderly quilter I know , probably because she spent years running a successful business sewing coolAs you can see , we decided on a green theme for this year 's quilts . The two quilt patterns we chose depend on value differences rather than colour differences for their impact , so it made sense for us to use the same palette for the two quilts . This decision will make life easier when it comes time to take the quilts to the long - arm quilter : the same backing fabric can be used for both quilts , so they can be quilted easily at the same time . We 're a hive of industry , I assure you , six of us together in Ann 's sewing space . You may be wondering whether I have abandoned my own quilting life and my studio altogether . It 's certainly been a long time since I showed you anything much that I 've been working on . The main reason , alas , for my silence about quilts is that things are bogged down in my studio . I have been working for the past six weeks on a project that seemed magnificent in within the confines of my imagination but is proving less so in the execution . You may remember the last views I showed you of my design wall . The centrepiece you see here is finished ( ! ) . I 'll show it to you as soon as I can get a photograph of it outdoors in good light . The second project is composed from the green on red and red on green nested rectangles that you see around the edges of the medallion - in - progress . I was really excited by the first dozen or so of these units that I made , and I had a vision of how to use this basic structure to create a sort of pixelated , abstract version of a flower border . I have made many , many of these units , but the more I make the more dismal the results look , at least to me . And my dh says that what 's on the design wall now doesn 't do anything for him . Sigh . I have spent a lot of time on this piece and now I think it 's just not workable . Dh 's advice is to clear it right off the design wall and start something else . Perhaps this is one of those ideas whose ingredients need to ferment quietly in a darkened space for a while . I wish I didn 't get myself into such a terrible pit of frustration and despair when a project goes south like this . As someone said yesterday afternoon at quilting , everyone goes through phases like this . But with a quilt , it can take such a long time to find out whether something is working or not that it is extra - specially flattening when it turns out that the answer is no , it 's not working . I 've watched dh struggle with this process many times , but while it 's depressing to label a painting a failure and have to move on , he 's usually put only a few days into it . I do consider changing media , but then I walk into my studio and see all my fabric and I 'm inspired all over again . Onward . I like to savour the still point of the year between Christmas and the New Year , thinking of it as a kind of resting place between one year and the next . We try not to plan too much for this week , to leave lots of time for art and reading and dreaming and Scrabble . Now that I 'm back at work , however , it seems to me that time has immediately gone into warp drive . But I 've been taking photographs outside to remind me of the still time , the depths of winter that encourage contemplation and quietness . Like much of the province , we were gripped hard by cold on the New Year 's Day weekend . On the Saturday , we awoke to minus 27 ° Celsius outside ( and a rather chilly 9 ° inside , since the woodstove was out when we got up ) . The glorious corollary , however , was brilliant sunshine , once the ice fog had lifted . A couple of days later , the weather had changed completely . The temperature shot up to just around freezing , and the clouds descended , creating their own kind of beauty . Driving to work wasn 't pleasant , since the highways crews couldn 't keep up with the alternating cycles of freeze and thaw , and of snow , rain , sleet , and freezing rain . Well , here 's our big art project from the Christmas break . We have both become intrigued with printing by hand , my dear husband onto paper and me onto fabric , so we decided to devote some time to making silkscreens and trying to create some prints we like . Dh also had a project going involving carving a linoleum block print . We built the screens almost from scratch , re - using the canvas stretchers under paintings that dh decided were good only for feeding the woodstove . I think he got a certain savage satisfaction from ripping the painted canvas from the stretchers . I had some silk organza in the studio , and we stretched it over the stretchers and stapled it in place . Then we taped the screens . We came up with the images we wanted to use and drew them onto the silk with drawing fluid . When the fluid was dry , we covered with screens with screen filler , then let that dry . The ironing board from the studio made a handy support for the screens , which we wanted to have as close to the woodstove as possible to hasten drying . Dh 's problems began when he rinsed out the drawing fluid . Not only did the fluid wash out , but almost all of the screen filler dissolved and washed down the drain as well , thereby ruining the image . With his experience in mind , I rinsed my screen very carefully . But when I went to pull my first prints , I discovered that the screen filler had not in fact filled in the mesh of the organza , and I ended up with a huge blob of paint rather than a recognizable image . Obviously the silk organza wasn 't the right fabric for the job , perhaps because the mesh wasn 't fine enough . And me ? I skiied . And skiied and skiied , going out every day for two or three laps around my cross - country ski track out in the pasture , accompanied by my faithful bearded canine companion ( Sass doesn 't like deep snow but Django 's game for anything - - doesn 't he look like an old man with that white goatee ? ) . And I look like a Pillsbury dough boy , bundled up against the cold . Soop has been a hardy polar cat , although she 's also spent a lot of her time soaking up warmth from the wood stove . See the bark everywhere on the floor ? That 's the drawback of burning larch , which is the warmest wood we have and thus perfect for this weather . Its bark sheds like mad , alas . First , lest you think that the whole day was filled with the spirit of the season ( other than Tuffy taking a nip at Ivy on the way up to their feeder ) , here 's a shot of how Soop was feeling that morning . A bit of festive feline hostility . She wasn 't happy with all the vacuuming and sweeping that was going on as we prepared for the arrival of the kids and grandkids . Granddaughter had the added distraction of her fascination with Soop , who is , despite herself , just as intrigued with the girl . They spent a long time trying to figure out how to get along . They did well , except for the not unexpected moment of a hiss and a scratch and tears . Hard lessons to learn at three . This first one gives you a sense of how steeply the hill slopes and therefore some idea of how fast this track can be . The three young adults in the foreground are sisters and brother ( third sister was here too , as were their parents ) and the fun part for me is that I 've known this family since the youngest was in kindergarten . He 's now in Grade 12 . Nothing like a job in the school system and a small school where one sees the same kids every day , year in and year out , for giving a person a sense of how quickly time passes . You can see how high the walls of the run are in this shot , and you can also perhaps start to get a sense of just what incredibly hard physical work it is to build and maintain this run . Rachel loves it . She does it all by hand . She 's a wonder . Let the record show that I did go down the run once . On Erich 's advice , I sat down in one blue saucer and put my feet in another , to which I was attached by means of a rope I could hang on to . I 'm embarrassed to admit that I began to scream even as he and my dh gently pushed me forward and I started to feel the acceleration . And I screamed all the way to the bottom . Halfway down I fell backward and my feet came out of the second saucer . Without that stabilizer , I quickly turned in circles several times before ending up barrelling down the run flat on my back HEAD FIRST . Somehow I got re - oriented and even got my feet back in the other saucer , all going a huge rate of speed , and I made it safely to the end of the run . For a few seconds I couldn 't move , just lay there panting and staring up at the sky , before I remembered that others were coming down the run after me and I 'd better get out of the way . What a rush ! I hiked back up the hill with my saucers under my arm and there my courage failed me . I just couldn 't make myself do it again . My daring husband , on the other hand , loved his first run so much he immediately did it again . Here he is , starting off his first run . This bit is a lot steeper than it looks in the photo . And here you can see just how long the run is . That 's him , dh , the little red shape on the right in the photo below . We estimate the run to be about 150 yards long . In this shot you can just make out the walking path coming up to the right of the luge run . What you can 't see in these photographs is how incredibly cold it was here on the mountain . This spot is always windier than most other places around Greenwood and this day was no exception : we had no breeze to speak of at home in our little valley but up here the wind was knifelike . The bonfire was a bonus , as you can see from the youngster sitting so close as to be almost in the fire . And it was a lovely social time . Even the dogs got time to play with other dogs they don 't often get to see . As the sun went down ( not that we 'd actually seen the sun that day ) , the kids kept on sledding but the adults began to spend more time around the fire . The dusk made this beautiful high valley even more alluring . By the way , that 's the northeastern edge of dh 's woodlot you see on the right side of the hill across the creek . After I took this photo , I turned around to toast my back . After a few minutes , Erich asked , concern in his voice , " Anne , were your ski pants melted before ? " Yikes ! Sure enough , I 'd manage to stand close enough to the fire that the backs of both calves of my ski pants had begun to melt and bubble . Because they 're double - layered and because I was wearing two pairs of long underwear under them , I hadn 't been able to feel that I was too close to the fire . I felt like an idiot , but from the reminiscences that my mistake prompted from others around the fire , this is not at all at uncommon event . My dh told a story about his friend Gregg , who managed to set his boots aflame while the two of them were on a fishing trip years ago . I felt slightly less stupid . Finally , I wanted to show you that Rachel sometimes outdoes even herself . Last year , not only did she construct the luge run but she also made an impressively large skating rink in the front yard for her four kids ( and herself ) to skate on . Rachel or Erich took this photo : I particularly like the cat keeping the youngest child company after he took a tumble . Last year 's invitation for Boxing Day included the suggestion that one bring skates . I couldn 't find mine ( I have since I cleaned up the attic over the summer ) . So I borrowed a pair of hockey skates and a hockey helmet . As a figure skater in my youth , I thought hockey skates would be easy . I was wrong . Thank heavens for that helmet , because as soon as I stepped on the ice I immediately fell and hit the back of my head on the ice . I was pretty dazed for a bit and scared Erich and my dh by lying motionless for several seconds while the world spun around me , but fortunately a day of slight dizziness was the only lingering effect . I was lucky . After that I enjoyed the rink with my dh from the safety of the bonfire on the sidelines . You can see Rachel chatting to us from the ice , hockey stick in hand and helmet on head : a vigorous game of hockey , kids and adults on both teams , was about to begin . I guess it 's no surprise that Rachel is an avid hockey player . So there you go , two posts covering Christmas Day and Boxing Day in our small corner of the world . It was a wonderful time . We feel blessed to live where we do , to have family close by , and to have the friends who share our lives .