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|---|---|---|---|---|---|
201 | Comic book plot idea: Catwoman dies after having the uncontrollable urge to chase after Superman's laser vision. | 1 | 2.45 | 0 | 0 |
202 | The best part of going to a 3D movie is how everyone in the theater looks like Roy Orbison. | 1 | 2.05 | 1 | 0.3 |
203 | Sitting here wondering when a spiderweb becomes a cob. Like Plato, Aristotle, and the others. | 1 | 1.31 | 1 | 0 |
204 | professor: osmium is the densest material on earth, 22 grams in 1 cubic centimeter me: so you're saying- professor: [nodding] thicc as fuck | 1 | 1.56 | 1 | 0.35 |
205 | This girl I like said she didn't like bondage..... ....Me either, but you're the one who said No. | 1 | 1.17 | 1 | 1.1 |
206 | Lets go to city hall tomorrow. I don't wanna spend another day not being married to you." | 0 | null | null | 0 |
207 | "I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending." | 0 | null | null | 0.05 |
208 | What do you call someone who cleans a vaccum cleaner? A vacuum cleaner. | 1 | 2.3 | 1 | 0 |
209 | "Sometimes everything seems out of my reach, no matter how hard I try." - Tarzan | 0 | null | null | 0 |
210 | I think my friend might be gay... His dick tastes like shit. | 1 | 2.05 | 1 | 2.25 |
211 | What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine's day? A hug and a little quiche. | 1 | 2.75 | 1 | 0.3 |
212 | What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting. | 1 | 1.75 | 0 | 1.8 |
213 | ABC NEWS: Bees fly and make honey FOX: Islamic insects attacking Texas CNN: flying warbirds create liquid yellow weapons of mass destruction | 1 | 2.47 | 1 | 0.45 |
214 | What do they call mosquitoes in Pakistan? Churchitoes | 1 | 1.3 | 0 | 1.1 |
215 | "I can't contain this anymore, i'm all yours, i've got no control, no controol." - No Control. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
216 | "Look for the girl with the broken smile." - Maroon 5. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
217 | How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention. | 1 | 2.74 | 0 | 0.05 |
218 | In Norway, it takes three years of higher education to become a police officer. Graduates are awarded a Bachelor's degree in Police Studies. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
219 | There is more value in promoting who we are, instead of just defending who we are not | 0 | null | null | 0 |
220 | [first date] Her: I like bad boys Me: (trying to impress) Sometimes I reply to "do not reply" emails | 1 | 2.47 | 1 | 0 |
221 | Two cheese trucks ran into each other. De brie was everywhere. | 1 | 3.15 | 1 | 0.2 |
222 | At 6'3", John Krasinski is the shortest of his brothers One of them is 6'8" and the other is 6'9". | 0 | null | null | 0 |
223 | If you get a divorce in Arkansas... ... is she still your sister? | 1 | 2.79 | 0 | 1.75 |
224 | In conclusion, don 't run from awareness, run ON it. And surround yourself with people who are doing the same. ourselves black mag black mental health, ask dr v | 0 | null | null | 0 |
225 | What do you think/hope will happen with your favorite couple/character in the last episode of season 9? Share your thoughts with me! | 0 | null | null | 0 |
226 | Humans: we're not like snakes Also Humans: mmmm eggs | 1 | 2.24 | 1 | 0 |
227 | Dark chocolate stimulates "endorphins" in brain that bring on feelings of pleasure it also contains serotonin which acts as antidepressant | 0 | null | null | 0 |
228 | You deserve the love you would give to someone else | 0 | null | null | 0 |
229 | Bees can store information in long-term memory while they sleep, just like humans do when we dream. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
230 | Faking a smile can trick your brain into thinking you're happy, actually boosting your mood. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
231 | Yo mama's like the sun you look at her to long you will go blind! | 1 | 1.72 | 0 | 0.85 |
232 | Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people? Dad. | 1 | 1.5 | 0 | 3.55 |
233 | Golfer A: I got a set of golf clubs for my wife. Golfer B: Good trade! | 1 | 2.74 | 0 | 0.3 |
234 | 70% of kids in state juvenile facilities have a mental illness/disorder. Let's stop criminalizing behavior caused by health issues. | 0 | null | null | 0.15 |
235 | What sex position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother. | 1 | 2.25 | 0 | 1.7 |
236 | "You think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart. The thing that will take your life and light it up or destroy it." | 0 | null | null | 0.05 |
237 | Anxiety and excessive stress can lead to hair loss. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
238 | "You have to eliminate what doesn't work. You have to figure out what is important and hold on tight to the things that matter most.' | 0 | null | null | 0 |
239 | Don't you think that when people take the hyphen out of a smiley it looks like someone with Down Syndrome :) | 1 | 1.11 | 0 | 4.05 |
240 | Stretch ur muscles in bed in the morning, it increases blood flow, releases stress & stretching the muscles gives u better posture stretch | 0 | null | null | 0 |
241 | me: what does ama mean friend: ask me anything me: what does ama mean | 1 | 2.44 | 0 | 0.15 |
242 | What do u call a hilarious Mexican herb? Sillyantro | 1 | 1.89 | 0 | 1 |
243 | Classic song, classic car and classic dean covered in grease and drinking warm coffee. I love it. Classic Supernatural | 0 | null | null | 0 |
244 | What's the difference between a Caucasian and an asian? The cauc. | 1 | 2.15 | 0 | 1.7 |
245 | What do you call an Irishman who bounces off of walls? Rick O'Shea. | 1 | 2.35 | 1 | 0.5 |
246 | What did Mick Jagger say to the guy who hacked into his dropbox account?.. Hey! You! Get off of my cloud! | 1 | 2.63 | 1 | 0 |
247 | Beautiful job cast and crew! Take your bows y'all. Greenleaf | 0 | null | null | 0 |
248 | sit with that feeling and tolerate it for a sec, guys | 0 | null | null | 0 |
249 | "Part Of Your World" was almost cut from "The Little Mermaid." | 0 | null | null | 0 |
250 | when she farts with you there, consider that a compliment. She is comfortable with you now. | 1 | 1.94 | 0 | 0.2 |
251 | NYC begins pilot program 2 help teens deal with stress, anxiety, fears. Our Shero of Black Mental Health Chiara de Blasio is front and center! | 0 | null | null | 0.65 |
252 | Just got a phone call that my name is trending. And being trolled for some awful FAKE thing. It's NOT TRUE. Haven't been raided, or arrested. Just sanitizing and self distancing with the rest of the world. Stay safe everybody. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
253 | You know what they say... Once you go black... You're a single mother. | 1 | 2.05 | 1 | 3.35 |
254 | It's weird how I can come up with the wittiest things to say when I'm in the shower... too bad none of the other guys showering at the gym appreciate my humor | 1 | 2.42 | 1 | 0.3 |
255 | Two condoms walk by a gay bar... One says to the other, "Wanna go inside and get shitfaced?" | 1 | 1.65 | 0 | 1.8 |
256 | Everyone retweet this video and I’ll send you a love letter DM. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
257 | Go the extra mile, it's never crowded | 0 | null | null | 0 |
258 | Shakespeare and Pocahontas were alive at the same time. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
259 | Hey grandson, what's the name of that german man who makes me go crazy? Alzheimer, grandma, Alzheimer... | 1 | 2.42 | 0 | 1.25 |
260 | You can't count on pleasing everyone, so focus on pleasing the only One that counts | 0 | null | null | 0 |
261 | "We enter the world alone, and we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between, we owe it to ourselves to find a little company." | 0 | null | null | 0 |
262 | What do you call a black man flying a plane? The pilot. | 1 | 1.88 | 1 | 1.1 |
263 | How can you tell the inventor of the toothbrush was from West Virginia? If he was from anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush. | 1 | 2.55 | 1 | 1.4 |
264 | Apple Cider Vinegar is a good toner that helps to clear up the scars and acne marks acne scars | 0 | null | null | 0 |
265 | What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike? Look ma, no hands! | 1 | 2.45 | 0 | 1.85 |
266 | I punched a feminist today and as she hit the floor, she screeched "Somebody call the cops" In other words.... Get some 'men' to help me! | 1 | 1.65 | 1 | 3.5 |
267 | I was blocked by the Game of Thrones Twitter account because I said I'm rooting for the White Walkers because they're white. | 1 | 2.06 | 1 | 1.25 |
268 | More planes were destroyed in World War II than there are planes on Earth today. | 0 | null | null | 0.05 |
269 | Duck Dynasty guy is right-- if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe because Christians never start wars for bullshit reasons. | 1 | 2.5 | 1 | 2 |
270 | I accidentally put my wallet in the freezer last night. Was a good job really, I needed some cold hard cash! | 1 | 2.45 | 0 | 0 |
271 | What do you call an Ethiopian with a dog? Stupid. | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3.2 |
272 | I only drink on days beginning with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow | 1 | 2.85 | 0 | 0 |
273 | Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell. | 1 | 2.7 | 1 | 0.9 |
274 | The average American consumes about 35 pounds of cheese every year. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
275 | My Muslim wife left me the other day. I guess she didn't know what Jihad. | 1 | 2.1 | 1 | 2.35 |
276 | "Real change involves the loss of power." -Anand Giridharadas | 0 | null | null | 0 |
277 | I Googled "how to start a wildfire". I got 48,500 matches. | 1 | 2.79 | 0 | 0.45 |
278 | My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed I told her it's unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute. | 1 | 3.05 | 1 | 0.1 |
279 | Self praise leads to self destructive | 0 | null | null | 0 |
280 | My wife just gave birth to a ginger baby. We've shaved it's head and told everyone it has cancer. | 1 | 1.65 | 0 | 2.9 |
281 | I want to open a gay poker bar. And call it "The space of AIDS" | 1 | 1.75 | 0 | 3.25 |
282 | A Texas man once went to the ER with a blood alcohol level of 0.37, but he hadn't been drinking. People suspected he was a "closet drinker" for years because he often became unexpectedly drunk until doctors found he had auto-brewery syndrome. He got drunk whenever he ate carbs. | 0 | null | null | 0.15 |
283 | As a gay man you don't need "cheer leaders" as friends - their duty is to cheer you on even for bad choices. As a gay man, you need mean friends to keep you on your toes when you make risky, bad choices. | 0 | null | null | 0.65 |
284 | Instead of murder/suicide, I'm contemplating the rare suicide/murder, whereby I jump out a high window and land on my girlfriend. | 1 | 2.37 | 1 | 1.3 |
285 | What do you call a Mexican guy with one rubber toe? Roberto | 1 | 1.83 | 0 | 1.25 |
286 | Green Tea has anti-inflammatory properties to protect the cell membrane and reduces the risk of damage from ultraviolet light skin health | 0 | null | null | 0.25 |
287 | The original Big Bird has retired from Sesame Street. I'm told he was delicious. | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0.45 |
288 | Why did the blonde have a sore belly-button? Because she had a blond boyfriend. | 1 | 1.75 | 1 | 1.7 |
289 | Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic? The Air Force; they're US AF | 1 | 2.53 | 1 | 0.4 |
290 | Angels and Demons having a drink together??!!! WTF!!! bad idea suck Sandwich | 1 | 1.18 | 1 | 0.5 |
291 | So many people these days are too judgmental I can tell just by looking at them. | 1 | 2.82 | 1 | 0.1 |
292 | All that I know is I'm breathing, and all I can do is keep breathing now. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
293 | The worst pub I've ever been in was called The Fiddle. It was a vile inn. | 1 | 2.67 | 1 | 0.1 |
294 | girlfriend: promise you won't do anything weird me: ok [later at the funeral] me: [to the tune of my sharona] m-m-m-my condolence | 1 | 1.95 | 1 | 0.5 |
295 | My father once told me, "Son, you're not an African't American, You're an African American't." Just kidding. I'm black. I don't have a father. | 1 | 2.39 | 1 | 3.45 |
296 | *Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom* | 1 | 2.05 | 0 | 0.05 |
297 | I met a vaping vampire from Romania. He called himself Vlad the Inhaler. | 1 | 2.05 | 0 | 0 |
298 | Mental health of young black men is a growing concern. One way to reach out is to reach in to their world by listening to music together. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
299 | How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute? Look for the one with the sash that says "I da ho". | 1 | 2.1 | 1 | 2.2 |
300 | My iPhone just autocorrected the word nigga to NIGGA, like whoa iPhone. You can't just go around yelling the N word. Jesus. | 1 | 2.16 | 1 | 2.95 |