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<s>[INST] I know this fear doesn't make sense. How can I overcome it? [/INST] Stop caring about what you imagine people are thinking about you!Really this is the simple and complicated answer to feel better about your situation.Maybe someone is judging you, maybe someone isn't judging you.Until the person tells you directly what they don't like about you, there's nothing you can do.It is okay that the fear doesn't make sense, most fears don't make sense. </s>

<s>[INST] I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.Our everyday life is filled with pressures and deadlines that are common to cause anxiety. Here are some basic tips to handle those stressors. Learn thought stopping techniques: There are multiple ways to teach your brain to refocus. If you allow your brain to focus on the source of anxiety, the anxiety will be in charge. But you can learn to put those anxiety-provoking thoughts on a parking lot, and focus on pleasurable thoughts, or the activity that you need to complete on the time being. Plan, organize, delegate: Create a schedule to manage demands, organize priorities, and delegate or share responsibilities. Work as a team with your family, so you can share the load. Prioritize actives, shores, and expenses. Focus on the urgent, necessary, and spread apart the not so urgent. Identify triggers: Once you understand what causes your anxiety, you can learn to channel process and refocus your thoughts. You can also learn coping strategies to manage the problem or give up the desire to control itif needed. Learn coping skills: Having a balanced lifestyle helps tremendously to reduce and manage anxiety symptoms. Looking at your eating, sleeping, physical activities, spirituality and leisure time is key to find that balance.If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, you can contact a Counselor or mental health provider. I provide teletherapy for Texas residents and psychotherapy in Puerto Rico, you can reach me at 787-466-5478 for appointments.Cules son las mejores maneras de reducir la ansiedad?Tengo ansiedad por preocupaciones diarias, como las finanzas, relaciones, nios y mantener mi casa.Nuestra vida est llena de retos y presiones que comnmente nos causan ansiedad. Aqu unos consejos bsicos para manejar esas preocupaciones. Aprende como detener tus pensamientos: Hay mltiples maneras de ensearle a tu cerebro a reenfocarse. Si permites que tu cerebro se enfoque en la fuente de ansiedad, entonces la ansiedad se apoderar de ti. Pero puedes aprender a poner a un lado esos pensamientos que causan ansiedad, y enfocarte en pensamientos positivos, placenteros o simplemente enfocarte en la actividad que ests haciendo. Planifica, organiza, delega: Crea una agenda para manejar las demandas diarias, organizar prioridades y delegar o compartir responsabilidades. Trabaja en equipo con tu familia, de manera que puedas compartir la carga. Organiza las actividades, gastos y tareas por prioridad. Enfcate en lo urgente y necesario y distribuye lo que no es tan vital. Identifica la fuente: Ya que comprendes donde o qu inicia la ansiedad, puedes aprender a canalizarla, procesarla o reenfocar tus pensamientos. Tambin puedes aprender a manejar la fuente de ansiedad, resolver el problema, o aceptar que no lo puedes controlar, si ese fuera el caso. Aprende mecanismos de defensa: Tener un estilo de vida balanceado ayuda tremendamente a manejar sntomas de ansiedad. Observar tus patrones de alimentacin, descanso, ejercicio, espiritualidad y tiempo de ocio es clave para encontrar el balance. Si notas que continuas batallando con la ansiedad puedes contactar a un consejero profesional de salud mental. Proveo teleterapia a residentes de Texas y Consejera en Puerto Rico, me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478 para hacer una cita. </s>

<s>[INST] I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] Something to remember about anxiety is that it's a useful and necessary response to stressors, and we all have a level of anxiety that falls somewhere on the spectrum from very slight to very overwhelming. Anxiety is our brain's way of prompting us to deal with the stress in our lives by getting us geared up for action.Some helpful ways of managing anxiety are actually very simple. The first I'd recommend is a calm breathing technique - breathe in for 4-5 seconds, and then out for 7-8 seconds. Try to repeat this for 3-5 minutes. Another suggestion is to pay closer attention in the moments you feel the physical symptoms of anxiety and see if you can describe - without judging - the sensations to yourself. Try to be very specific, such as "my palms are feeling very sweaty, and I can feel the slight tightness and fluttering in my belly of the butterflies." Then try to sit with these sensations without deciding if they are good or bad - just experiencing them as intentionally as possible. Combining the calm breathing with this technique can also be very helpful.If you feel that these techniques don't help and your anxiety about everyday stressors are inhibiting you from being able to engage in life the way you want to, then I'd highly recommend going for an assessment or even just consultation with a professional. This professional can help you determine if therapy/counseling would be helpful for you to develop additional skills for managing those interfering anxiety symptoms. </s>

<s>[INST] I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] Anxieties are an adrenal problem;Clean them out with a proper detox, using the food built for mankind, and a herbal protocol;Maybe throw in some fasting here and there to kick the kidneys into high gear and get the adrenals pumping...Every loss is a gain, so losing a car means you no longer hold responsibility to keep and maintain it...If you're really up for it, some contemplation (that is keep one thought *lightly* on your mind allllllll day; that is just focus upon it from time to time, "Man, I notice that the sky is really blue today... and the air is really crisp today..."); after 3-5 days of contemplation, see what you notice... </s>

<s>[INST] I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] Anxiety is overwhelming insecurity.Try to think of why you'd feel insecure or have very little confidence in your ability to complete or be in relationships.Is it possible you were very heavily criticized when you were young and growing up?Very often kids who are not encouraged to try new activities, have fun in relating to others, learn to not trust themselves to handle these fundamental parts of life.Also, if you grew up in an alcoholic or abusive family, whether the the abuse was toward you or between your parents, it is possible these scenes made you a very insecure foundation on which to trust your yourself and other people.Examine the basics of your growing up years and what may explain why you feel insecure.To improve, be patient with yourself about. making mistakes and simply try in simple, small, and direct ways to do the actions you fear and in which you also would like to participate. </s>

<s>[INST] I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] Which one gives you the most anxiety? List from top to bottom which one gives you the greatest anxiety and ask the question how come? From there, we can figure out the underlying factors of your anxiety. </s>

<s>[INST] I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] Since it is clear that people react differently to the samestressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, our thoughts about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and white thinking (if it's not perfect, it's terrible), mind-reading (I just know he is angry at me) and can't-standitis (I can't stand this situation). There are more, but the list is long, and if some of these are resonating with you, I would advise looking up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tips, worksheets, booklets etc. on line, or contact a local CBT therapist. Another helpful piece of info on anxiety, is that it is prone to something called "symptom stress" - being anxious about anxiety. If we could hear this symptom stress it might sound like, "Oh no I'm getting nervous about this, I'm getting uptight, I look nervous, what if I have a panic attack!" followed bymore cognitive distortions such as "I can't stand being anxious!" and "this is horrible!"Theantidote to this is acceptance. Kind of like not stopping the waves but learning to surf instead (Jon Kabat-Zinn). If you happen to feel anxious, say to yourself - this is just a reaction I'm having that is unpleasant, but not horrible. I can tolerate and survive some anxiety, I can breathe deeply,and I'll be OK because panic attacks never killed anyone. I can stand this and it is temporary. You get the idea.We can increase our awareness of anxiety-provoking self-talk, and counteract it with calming and reassuring self-talk. We have the ability to think about our thinking, decide which thoughts are healthy and which are unhealthy, and choose which to focus on. We brainwash ourselves with our thinking, and according to self-perception theory, " we learn what webelieve when we hear ourselves speak," so we may as well be a calming, reassuring presence in our own minds. :) </s>

<s>[INST] I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. How can I get over this feeling? [/INST] It sounds like you are on the right track. Recognizing these nagging thoughts of self- doubt as "imposter syndrome" is a huge step in the right direction. From what you have written here, it appears that you are able to challenge your own thoughts and provide yourself with evidence that counteracts the imposter syndrome. Continuing to remind yourself of what you have accomplished and looking at the facts at hand can help diminish doubt. Remember, many successful people battled imposter syndrome on the way to the top (and still manage it). It might be helpful to read some of their stories so that you don't feel alone. "The Cut" has a great article on "25 Famous Women on Imposter-Syndrome and Self-Doubt". Business Insider has a great article about men and the imposter syndrome too. Remember, if you jumped through all of the hoops to get into school and get published-- you belong. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. How can I get over this feeling? [/INST] First step is to remove the label of your behavior as a syndrome and instead understand the reasons for it."Imposter syndrome" sounds like a name someone made up to write a book and have lots of people buy it bc it gives the feeling they know themselves by calling themselves this name.Instead, consider your own unique qualities including your fears of being recognized as adding value to people's lives.If you were told growing up that you're worthless, or if your chosen career goes against family advice and expectations, or if you simply are a shy person, then these would be the starting points to understand your reluctance to believe in yourself.The more you understand yourself and trust the truths you find as to who you are, the less you will feel fraudulent.Good luck in your career work! </s>

<s>[INST] I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. How can I get over this feeling? [/INST] It would be very helpful to identify with you eventual pattern where theimposter syndrome is more or less present. Are there specific situations where you've noticed the feelings of "I'm going to be found out as a fraud" becoming more strong? It seems that shaking this feeling is very important to you. In my opinion, before shaking that feeling, we need to get closer to it and understand its roots. If you would like to get closer to the feeling, you might consider asking yourself questions such: "What is the trigger for this feeling? How does it feel in the body? What is the thought process I engage with after noticing this feeling? All the best. Rossana Mag. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. How can I get over this feeling? [/INST] "Imposter Syndrome" is a basic effect is a dishonest cause.Basically, there is a fundamental lack of honesty in some important parts of your life (my guess would be relationships) that has led to this sense of dread and guilt.I wonder where the dishonesty be... </s>

<s>[INST] I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. How can I get over this feeling? [/INST] I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You've probably read articles already about impostor syndrome, but still didn't get the answers you were looking for; you probably know that lots of people feel this way, that it happens to lots of successful people in professional settings. Not helping, right?Think about people who succeed at big tasks: an Olympic athlete has a defined goal that they need to meet: cross the finish line, say, faster than anyone else. That success is remarked upon, and - until someone does the event better than they did - they are 'the best.' Grad school, however, is not so great at discrete goals and celebrations of success. You got a good grade on an assignment, but what about the next one? You and 6 other people in your class probably got the same grade, so does that make you a success or average?It falls to you, then, to identify ways you are sure you've succeeded. If your grades and peer admiration aren't hallmarks of success enough, perhaps pull your measuring tool inward: measure your achievements against your own progress- ie: I got a 93 on my last assignment, I got a 97 this time! You might find those feelings fading soon~ </s>

<s>[INST] I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself. [/INST] I imagine you are trying to figure out a way to be "fair" to your adult kids. The key word is "adult". If your daughter can afford to join the family for a vacation that's great, she's welcome to come. However, as you pointed out she took a vacation by herself last year - she chose to put her resources (time off work and money) into doing that. Good for her - she did what she wanted. If she wants to budget time and money for a family vacation she will.As for feeling guilty, let me echo the sentiments already offered - vacations are lovely, but not a survival need. Your girl is in her 20s and it's her turn to provide for herself. You did your parenting - now go enjoy your vacation with whoever can, and wants to, join you! </s>

<s>[INST] I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself. [/INST] Of what do you feel you'd be guilty?Family vacations are not a basic human right to existence. They are fun, ideally. You're not violating a basic human right. You wrote that you don't have enough money to pay for her to come along.You may find yourself feeling more guilty toward yourself if you give more than you reasonably can afford to give.My suggestion is to tell your daughter your reason for not taking her along. Maybe this will open more dialogue between the two of you. </s>

<s>[INST] When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say theyre sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be? [/INST] This sounds frightening and overwhelming, and Im glad you are reaching out for help. I cant say for sure your children are being abused but I can understand your suspicion since there appears to be a change your childrens behavior. I think it would be important for you to keep an eye on the situation Incase you notice any other changes. If you become more concerned, even suspicions of child abuse are reportable to Family protective services. If they feel it is necessary they can do an investigation. You are doing the biggest thing for your children by being there for them and supporting them. </s>

<s>[INST] When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say theyre sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be? [/INST] It sounds like your children are walking on eggshells, and behaving in a manner that suggests that (at minimum) they may be receiving an undue amount of anger from someone in their lives. In addition to addressing this delicately with your children's father, it would be wise to speak with your children's teachers and pediatrician as well. Please closely monitor the situation, and express to your children that they can always come to you with any information, and they will never be in trouble for confiding in you. </s>

<s>[INST] he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fianc tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? [/INST] The short answer to your question is "No" it's not okay for anyone to ever be doing this.There's a lot of unanswered questions and other factors going on here that need attention. Nevertheless, don't hesitate to seek out legal counsel and/or call 911. Ideally, yourfianc would be able to speak directly to her ex-husband and set reasonable boundaries that honor whatever legal agreements are in force resultant from the divorce and custody agreements. The fact that she's afraid to say anything to him about his inappropriate behavior, and that she hasn't been able to give you any reason for her fear, suggests possible factors of past abusive behaviors, entitlement, and/or co-dependence. I hope things work out well for all and I'm confident a skilled therapist could help all navigate how best to set boundaries and experience greater healing. </s>

<s>[INST] he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fianc tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? [/INST] The kids are actually her Property, and he does have a claim to them as he wishes;The house is yours, I presume;So require that if he wishes to see his Property, it be done off of your Property;And, that as long as it remains your Property, you have jurisdiction over all those, therein;Require compensation for visits, and send him a bill;When he doesn't pay, send to the local sheriff, go to small claims court, and win a judgment against him for non-payment;I wonder how that might work out... act as man :) </s>

<s>[INST] he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fianc tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? [/INST] The obvious answer is no, it's not okay. There are other you should be asking though. You said your fiance "seems afraid" of her ex. Did you ask her about that? Is there a reason he still has a key to the home? Has there been any discussion of appropriate boundaries? I work with a lot of people parenting from different households and the stickiest spots are the ones that have not been discussed. There is obviously conflict there or they wouldn't have split, but your fiance and her ex do need to stay aligned for the kids and that can't happen if she feels fearful or resentful. If she doesn't have a problem with his barging in, clearly you do (and who wouldn't? He's not YOUR ex!), so you and she need to have some agreements around his access to the home.If she is afraid to bring up the discussion then I strongly recommend that she and the ex get some help with a good therapist. The kids health, your health and hers, and the health of your relationships in the family depend on it! </s>

<s>[INST] he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fianc tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? [/INST] Do you know the reason your fianc puts up with the ex's behavior?If not, then ask her.The answer could be anything, from some agreement the two of them made either formally or informally before you came into her life, to residual sense of obligation she feels toward him as a parent, or that she genuinely does fear his physical or verbal anger if she disagrees with what he wants.Facts are the best starting point to know how to handle a situation.There is no blanket rule and certainly no law which prohibits what he's doing. The situation is entirely in the hands of the people involved. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] Depending on your daughters age, this could be a learning disability. I suggest contacting the school counselor and asking for an evaluation, once she is evaluated and depending on the diagnosis, she could be provided with treatment recommendations like occupational therapy, reading glasses, or assistance in class. These and more accommodations are enforced under the 504 act. Consider if the observations that you have done are affecting her performance in school only, or also in other settings. Observe her behavior and or her emotions and see if they change as well. Discuss these with your daughters counselor as well.Tiene mi hija un desorden mental?Mi hija est en la escuela elemental. Ella no puede colorear dentro de la lnea. Mezcla las palabras cuando escribe, a menos que tenga grandes espacios, o brinca las lneas.Dependiendo de la edad de tu hija esto puede ser un problema de aprendizaje. Te sugiero que contactes al consejero escolar y solicites una evaluacin, dependiendo de la diagnosis, ellos pueden recomendar tratamientos como: terapia ocupacional, lentes para leer o asistencia en clase. Estos acomodos son provistos bajo la acta 504. Considera si las observaciones que has hecho afectan el desempeo de tu hija en la escuela, o en otras reas, tambin observa su conducta y emociones y reprtaselo al consejero escolar. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] At times when a child is not displaying milestone behavior at the same rate that is average for their peers, this should raise concern, so you are correct in reaching out for advice. Speaking with your child's pediatrician, as well as school staff may be the first places to start. You can request that she receive an assessment and evaluation, with a subsequent treatment plan to meet any needs she may have. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] Kids develop in different ways and different speeds. It can sometimes feel like your kid has a delay because of these different ways of development. If you have concerns about your childs development then addressing it with the school is the best solution. They will be able to provide a full assessment if needed with an academic diagnosis as well as academic support. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] Contact your daughters school and ask for an occupational therapy evaluation. An occupational therapist can determine if your daughter struggles with eye-hand coordination, visual processing or sensory motor difficulties. The therapist will develop a plan of care if your daughter demonstrates delays or difficulties in learning.OTontheGo.org mobile therapy that comes to you! Accepting most insurance. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] Developmentally, there are ages where not coloring in the lines, writing words that are jumbled together, and leaving big spaces or skipping lines are completely normal. I have seen children in 3rd and insome cases, 4th grade who do not have learning disabilities write in the manner you have described.There is, however, a type of learning disability called Dysgraphia which can present in the ways you have described. If you suspect that your daughter might have Dysgraphia, then the best thing to do is to have educational testing done. You can request testing by going through your school system and asking for an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) meeting. Your school is required to honor your request for an IEP meeting.At the meeting, you can ask the school to do educational testing that will be at no cost to you. I will say that depending on where you live and your school system, it can sometimes be difficult to get the school system to do testing. If that is the case, you can go to a psychologist or find an agency near you that can also perform this type of testing as well (some will accept insurance and others will not.) There are also educational advocates that you can hire to help you if you ever have difficulty getting your daughter properly assessed by the school system. I also highly recommend seeing a developmental ophthalmologistand/or a developmental pediatrician. They can be great resourcesin helping you to determine if your daughter does have a learning disability.I always say that a parent should "trust their gut" and if you feel that your child is struggling and that there may be a learning disability then there is no harm in getting your child evaluated. The best case scenariois that your child is completely on track and what you are seeing is developmentally appropriate. On the other hand, if your child does have a learning disability, then you have caught it early enough where she can receive services that will help her in the long run. Either way, it is a win, win. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] It sounds like it might be worth asking the school for an evaluation to determine whether your daughter has any learning disabilities such as dysgraphia or dyslexia or seek an evaluation through an educational neuropsychologist. I would also suggest having her vision checked by a developmental optometrist. </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] If your daughter is the same age as most of the other students in her class, and the other students easily complete the tasks you list here, then there is a problem in the performance of these tasks for your daughter.Without knowing more about the context of your daughter's life, for example, is she a new student to the school and class, are there major stressors in the home environment, does your daughter have friends, does your daughter have the same problems she has in school, when she is in other environments?Also, who is telling you she has these problems? Are you the one who notices what you describe here or is your daughter or is her teacher telling you these facts?Depending on your answers to the questions, start to get clarity with the classroom teacher and the school guidance counselor as to the source of your daughter's problem.Good luck! </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] There could be a number of things going on here. For instance, have her eyes been checked by an optometrist? She might just not like writing or coloring. She could be rushing through assignments so that she can spend time with friends, play games, or do something else. She might need some extra help with fine motor skills. What are her grades like? Does she rush through other things like cleaning her room or getting ready for bed? </s>

<s>[INST] My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening. </s>

<s>[INST] All my friends have either hooked up or had a girlfriend but me. I try to be happy for them, but I get really upset every time they hook up. [/INST] If you mean hooked up as having sex with no care for the person, and youd like a girlfriend, then realize relationships require more complex alignment with a partner than being a sex buddy.Pay attention to all your feelings toward a girl so that youll approach someone who attracts you for reasons in addition to sexual allure.Also, the process of knowing someone takes much more time than only to sleep with someone.Have patience and kindness toward yourself while you get to know the qualities which attract you to a potential girlfriend. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas? [/INST] Hello, and let me say first, what a great question!There are so many people putting forth their 100% everyday and often times, do not get the credit they deserve. Without being able to fully understand where you're question is coming from, I think there are a couple of different ways to look at this question.First, I think it's important for us to consider the message being sent by those in your life stating that you're "not good enough." Is that ACTUALLY what they said, or is this just what you heard? Sometimes, because of our own self-doubts and fears, we skew and misinterpret the messages we receive from others. Again, listen to the message being sent and attempt to remain objective. Is the message being sent coming from a place of love or concern? If so, have an honest and open communication with that individual about what your concerns are regarding the amount of energy and time you're spending on being "good enough." Explore with them how you feel you'r already giving your best.If the person is unwilling to work at understanding this concern you have, then it may be time to explore the relationship. Some relationships we engage in can be toxic, especially if the other person is toxic. It may be they have their own "stuff" going on and they feel the need to constantly put others down to make themselves feel better. If you're in the direct path of this individual, then it serves to reason you will probably be in the direct fire, as well. Explore whether or not you want this relationship to continue in your life. If it's a relationship that MUST continue, then work on what you will do to distance yourself from their toxicity or their problems. Until they're willing to work on these issues for themselves, then it may be necessary to find an exit strategy, such as leaving the room or simply refusing to engage in the conversation.Another perspective of this question is exploring the reason why it's important for YOU to satisfy the expectations of these other individuals? NO ONE will ever be 100% "good enough" for EVERYONE. Every single person has their own set of expectations in themselves and expectations in others. It would be impossible to satisfy all of those expectations for every single person in our lives.The question becomes, what is it WITHIN you that feels the need to meet these expectations? There is most likely a part of you, yourself, as an individual that feels "less than" and feels as if you, yourself, are not good enough. It then becomes impossible to every feel "good enough" for others, because it's really YOU you're trying to feel good enough for. If you already feel as if you're doing everything you can do to be at your best version of yourself, then really work on LETTING GO of the rest. No one is perfect, and striving for perfection in our lives only creates more anxiety and stress. Find a middle ground in which you are happy with your accomplishments and your daily goals, and learn to let go of what's left. After all, tomorrow is a new day and you can work on more of your goals tomorrow!I recommend doing this by finding a mantra, a statement or phrase you can repeat to yourself anytime you start to feel that sense of stress and pressure from striving for perfection. The mantra can remind you to let go of this expectation you have for yourself or that others have for you so you can also let go of the stress and anxiety surrounding the expectation.I leave you with one of my favorite quotes that perhaps you can use as your mantra, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. " - Eleanor Roosevelt. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas? [/INST] The feeling of never feeling good enough usually stems from our early relationship with ourparents or significant role models who made us to feel we were never good enough to meet their standards. In the healing process, you'll need to work on discovering the root source of where these thoughts and feelings come from and then learn to accept yourself just as you are unconditionally. I'd be pleased to help you in this process. I provide online private counseling through proventherapy.com. Dr. Rachelle Vaughan </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas? [/INST] It sounds like you are aware of your positive traits but youare struggling with someone who does not acknowledge nor celebrate your efforts or achievements. It seems like that is affecting your inner voice, which allows you to accept yourself for who you are.My suggestion is to explore that relationshipand decide if that persons opinion should determine how you feel about yourself. If this is an important relationship, you could communicate to this person how the lack of positive feedback is affecting you. Then, work on spending more time with those who value you, and can give you praise, encouragement, and constructive criticism. Also, explore your religious beliefs, and what is they say about who you are as a person. Finally, explore with a Counselor your inner voice and try to figure out if the negative message is settling in and harming your self-esteem. Through therapy, you could learn to self-compassion and acceptance wich will help your self esteem.Cmo manejo el sentirme que no soy suficiente bueno?Siempre me dicen que no soy suficientemente bueno o no trato lo suficiente. Yo pongo el 100% en todo. Estoy agotado, he trabajado en todas mis relaciones, estoy muy bien en la escuela, trato bien a las personas que lo necesitan. Me aferro a mis creencias religiosas y dejo espacio para los errores, y aprendo de otros para no tener que cometer los mismos. Aun as no soy suficiente y nada de lo que hago funciona, me siento desesperanzado. Alguna idea o sugerencia?Al parecer estas consiente de tus caractersticas positivas, pero ests teniendo dificultad con alguien que no reconoce tus esfuerzos, ni logros, y eso est afectando esa voz interior que te permite aceptar quien eres.Mi sugerencia es que explores esa relacin y analices si la opinin de esta persona va a determinar cmo te valoras a ti mismo. Si es una relacin valiosa, puedes comunicarle a la persona en cuestin como te afecta la falta de comentarios y opiniones positivas. Luego enfcate en pasar ms tiempo con personas que te valoran, te dan halagos, te motivan y te aconsejan. Tambin explora que dice tu religin sobre quin eres como persona y cul es tu valor. Y por ltimo, explora con tu Consejero si ese mensaje negativo esta afectando tu autoestima. A travs de la terapia puedes aprender tecnicas auto compasin y aceptacin que ayudaran a fortalecerte. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas? [/INST] Hi, I'm Amelia! Oh, this is a common problem, unfortunately! Let me say first of all, that doing more, giving more, loving more, performing more will never provide you with a sense of worth. Nor will it satisfy those that are critical and judgmental. I am so sorry to hear that this is what you've heard all your life! You are a human BEING not a human DOING.If you can get yourself in counseling with a trusted therapist who will accept you, encourage you, hear you and support you, you can begin to work on what truth worth is. My best to you! </s>

<s>[INST] My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating. [/INST] Hello!I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job.First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling "stuck" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time. Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a "traumatic" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you "stuck" on a long-term basis. I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way. Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem. Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing?One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job! Take time to give yourself some credit for the time you are spending looking for work. Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions. It is also a good idea to ask for "informational interviews" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.I hope that this information is helpful to you! Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.Warmly,Denise </s>

<s>[INST] My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating. [/INST] Wow, you got hit with some serious stuff all at once. Work, relationships, and housing/security are major needs for us and to lose all that at once has got to affect you. When things go wrong, it is natural for us to look for blame----and the easiest person for us to blame is ourselves. Put that with grief and you've got a recipe for feeling awful. We can start feeling so low as to want to check out with things like food, and TV as you described. It can take time for us to move to self-forgiveness, and self-kindness in order to start moving forward again. I wonder what you can do right now to improve your situation? I also wonder if you may be willing to seek counseling to help you work through some of this, to help with your perspective, and to assist in your grieving process. Just reading these 3 sentences, I get the sense of you being a nice person. I hope you can show that kind of kindness to yourself in your healing. </s>

<s>[INST] My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating. [/INST] Please practice being kind to yourself!! You lost your grandmother, your home and your job! Huge changes have just taken place and it would be challenging for anyone to be unfazed. And having said that, you wrote that you have been looking for a job, so that tells me that you have most definitely not failed yourself. Try taking it one day at a time. I encourage you to recognize (and even accept) that you're going through a particularly difficult time and that everything is temporary. When we are in something, it's difficult sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe you could allow yourself the grief that you are feeling, be in the tunnel, and trust that you will come through the tunnel to the other side. Be gentle and loving to yourself. </s>

<s>[INST] I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? [/INST] The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation.A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality.The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you are an adult, think back to your childhood. Children who grow up in an unstable home often grow up to be adults with insecurities and emotional problems. The obvious, such as being abused, can certainly lead to a person having little to no confidence and self esteem, but there are other situations that might surprise you to hear they can be damaging to a person.You may have never been physically or sexually abused, but what about emotionally? Were you yelled at, berated, put down? Were you told you'd never amount to anything? Were you compared to siblings and felt like you always fell short, couldn't live up to expectations? When you hear something over and over again, you start to believe it.Maybe you weren't yelled at. Maybe it was the opposite. Studies show that children who grow up with a parent who is depressed show signs of emotional neglect. A chronically depressed mother, for example, may have seemed cold, detached, emotionless. She may have been less likely to show interest in a child's life, not give praise for accomplishments or show support by going to ballgames or performances.If one of your family members were chronically ill while you were growing up, chances are, a lot of the attention went to them, which could have led to your needs not being met.Any of these situations could cause a person to grow up feeling unimportant, unheard, unloved, or like they don't matter.Maybe nothing I've described here fits your situation. If you can't pinpoint what has caused you to feel this way on your own, a counselor can help.I am not saying "blame it on your parents" or telling you there's nothing you can do to change it! Quite the opposite! Understanding WHY you feel that way is a first step towards making the changes needed to feel better. Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on cognition - figure out the WHY. Then behavior - the HOW. </s>

<s>[INST] I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? [/INST] This happens slowly and can be done.You already are at the first step of realizing that you hate yourself, not that the feelings of self-loathing are the best of what you're able to expect from life.A way to start building confidence is to pay close attention to the way you handle interactions and make decisions.If you start to notice what you'd like from an interaction, and afterwards, reflect on how well you handled yourself, especially with any unexpected circumstances, you'll build confidence in your ability to be good at something.Do you know why you hate yourself?This answer may help you address within yourself , a new type self talk which has more positives in it than what you've been accustomed to telling yourself. </s>

<s>[INST] I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. [/INST] Congrats on having a happiness problem.Go slowly and tell your partner how you feel as you discover how being loved feels.On a deep level youre releasing yourself from interaction patterns which treated you poorly and unkindly.Time is needed of repeated occurrences of this newfound loving behavior toward you.Gradually you will trust more and more that your new living relationship life is your reality. </s>

<s>[INST] I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. [/INST] You're in a lot of good company and it's great that you're in a positive relationship. Congratulations!I often hear people talk about loving yourself and self esteem. We often seem to blame ourselves for not "loving ourselves" enough or put ourselves down for having low self esteem. It seems to me that since we are essentially socially beings and in fact, need each other for our survival, we really know who we are through our many interactions with others and with our environment. In other words, you can't just snap your fingers and voila! now I love myself, where there was an empty space or self-doubt before. We grow that warm coal inside ourselves through the friction of contact with others who value and validate us. Allow yourself to be patient with yourself as you experience this new relationship. You are learning a new model of who you are and how you fit into the world. What a marvelous gift for you!You may also have fears that the current joys may be temporary or unreliable. These fears of loss may get in your way, however understandable. If you are truly close to your companion, you can share with her that you are loving your relationship but sometimes fear it will go away and sometimes have trouble really trusting it. Such a conversation may bring you both closer.Hang in there. You're working on co-creating a new normal with a great woman. </s>

<s>[INST] I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. [/INST] Hi! Thank you for your question. It's tough to be in a healthy and loving relationship when we believe we are not worth it. Quite often being in such a relationship is very uncomfortable as it goes against everything we believe about ourselves.First, I want to say you are very brave to open up yourself to the relationship with this wonderful woman you met.Second, I would like to invite you to treat yourself with compassion as you are entering this unknown territory for yourself. Doing something new and totally unfamiliar can be scary, so it's vital that you are kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that what you are doing is scary and uncomfortable and that it will take some time to get used to it.Don't judge yourself and force yourself to feel a certain way. It's important that you are patient with yourself and tolerant of your discomfort. With time, space, kindness, and tolerance your discomfort and fear will start to dissolve. Invite your new partner to also relate to your feelings in the open and compassionate way.The worst thing that you or your partner can do is to rush your feelings, pressure you to feel in a different way or to say that there is something wrong with you cause you feel a certain way. Please be gentle with yourself and celebrate and acknowledge every small victory. Every time you do something little, like holding hands or receive a compliment and it no longer scares you as it did a week ago - celebrate that progress! </s>

<s>[INST] I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. [/INST] This can be really anxiety-producing when you have not felt it before. It may be helpful to work through some of this with a local therapist so you can get more specific ideas.Some other things that come to my mind are maybe talking about spending about 10 minutes or so discussing how you are feeling and seeing if your partner is willing to listen. Then you could ask questions about how she would react if you were doing something she did not like. This allows you to react to information she is actually giving you rather than your perceptions that sound like they are different than what she is trying to tell you. This gives you the power to receive the messages that she is sending to you.I would also wonder where you have learned that there wasn't much good out there for you and how you can stay present in the moment when you are with your girlfriend and see that she wants to be there with you. Perhaps you could look at what makes you feel emotionally safe and trusting with her and focus on that. You could even remind yourself "okay, I'm here with [name of girlfriend] and this is okay when I'm with her."We all have different levels of defenses in situations in which different people. It's common for people to see these things as black and white (either totally open or very self-protective. In reality, it's much more like a rainbow and the different shades of color that are available in the rainbow spectrum of white light (it's not really Just red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet that we all know, but an infinite spectrum of shades of colors that fade from one into the next). You can change your level of defensiveness with your girlfriend depending upon the location you are in, the mood you are both in, the subject, etc. There are infinite numbers of choices and you can experiment.Another thing that could help is to communicate about communication. If one of you uses a phrase that triggers something from earlier in your life or is really uncomfortable, you could discuss that. If she says certain things that make you feel really comfortable, you could discuss that as well.Hopefully you can learn more about yourselves and each other at the same time. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. Its mostly my fault, I must admit. She doesn't like my insecurity and lack of trust I have for her. I have trust issues. Also, I can't fathom why a woman like her is with me, so I'm always dreading when a better dude will come along. I don't think she's happy. She's very submissive and she loves me very much, but also the fact that she has nowhere to go must be influencing her decision to stay. I love her so much, but my jealousy is not likely to diminish. I never believed in the whole "If you love them, let them go," but I do now. I really want her to be happy. Should I end it with her? She has no place to go so I feel like I cant break up with her. Im literally trapped. [/INST] Hi Fort Worth, I applaud your awareness and insight into the relationship. Most of us come into relationships carrying old baggage and although you can't change her, what you can do, is change yourself. We can usually begin to understand ourselves better in the context of our own upbringings. That is where we learn what a relationship looks like and it is often not the best teacher. I wonder about your jealously, insecurity, feeling trapped and a lack of trust. Has that ever showed up anywhere before? It has more to do with you and less to do with her. Your relationship with her is tapping into unresolved issues within yourself. That is really where you want to focus. Once you understand it and resolve it, you will no longer need to ask anyone else what to do, because you will know. You are young and just getting started in the relationship world and the healthier you are, the better you will know what healthy looks like. Know yourself, understand yourself and love yourself. The rest will take care of itself. Finding a Therapist can be a big help in this process. You are asking the question, so I suspect you are ready to look at the man in the mirror. I believe in you and am wishing you all the best.Sandra Cooper, RN, LPCMH </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. Its mostly my fault, I must admit. She doesn't like my insecurity and lack of trust I have for her. I have trust issues. Also, I can't fathom why a woman like her is with me, so I'm always dreading when a better dude will come along. I don't think she's happy. She's very submissive and she loves me very much, but also the fact that she has nowhere to go must be influencing her decision to stay. I love her so much, but my jealousy is not likely to diminish. I never believed in the whole "If you love them, let them go," but I do now. I really want her to be happy. Should I end it with her? She has no place to go so I feel like I cant break up with her. Im literally trapped. [/INST] It sounds like there are assumptions being made regarding how she feels about you and why she is with you. I would not suggest breaking up with her without first attempting to resolve your own issues. You may not only regret your decision, but might find that the exact same problem arises in future relationships. I would recommend seeing a therapist who can help you figure out what is at the root of all of this. By learning about your own insecurities and where they come from, you can expect to discover new ways of responding and relating to others, which will likely impact your relationship in a positive manner. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. Its mostly my fault, I must admit. She doesn't like my insecurity and lack of trust I have for her. I have trust issues. Also, I can't fathom why a woman like her is with me, so I'm always dreading when a better dude will come along. I don't think she's happy. She's very submissive and she loves me very much, but also the fact that she has nowhere to go must be influencing her decision to stay. I love her so much, but my jealousy is not likely to diminish. I never believed in the whole "If you love them, let them go," but I do now. I really want her to be happy. Should I end it with her? She has no place to go so I feel like I cant break up with her. Im literally trapped. [/INST] Are you possibly mixing up an impulse to nurture and protect someone, such as by offering housing, and your own need to feel loved and appreciated as a romantic partner?Maybe your feeling of jealousy is really your awareness of a reasonable need to be loved by a partner.Even though you are quite detailed in your description of your partner, one piece which is missing, is whether you feel you are loved by her.Maybe too, what she considers your insecurity, is really her unwillgness to love you.It's always easier to put distance between two people by insulting them.I hope this gives you a few new ways to look at your situation.A few therapy sessions, either by yourself or together w your gf, would give you more chance to know more deeply what it is you are facing. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope? [/INST] There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.You need to see someone to talk things out.Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope? [/INST] I believe there's always hope. I also believe that you are worthy of respect and love. I'm curious if you felt loved, cherished, and respected by your husband during your time together.Feeling willing to go to any extreme to save the marriage is common, but having to do things that go against your values sets you up to develop a lot of resentment.It sounds like you did not want to be separated from your husband, but now that it's happened, you can make the choice to focus on yourself, rediscovering, or discovering for the first time, what you really want out of life. Taking some time to grieve the loss of your marriage and practice self-care can help in the immediate aftermath.Are there dreams that you put on a shelf during your marriage that you could reignite? By considering the dreams and desires you had at the beginning of your marriage, you might find some direction for what to do next. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope? [/INST] I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus.If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you?If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope? [/INST] Most important is to take care of your feelings regarding that he has left you.From your description there doesn't seem to be much hope your husband would like to keep the marriage going.Has a long time passed since the two of you separated? Sometimes, and really this is very rare, people decide to return to their marriage.If he impulsively decided to leave and now is a short while since he did this, then there is some hope he will decide to stay together.If he's been out of the house for a while and tells you what you wrote, then there is greater chance he's had time to think through to split and will follow through.As painful as it is to hear that someone with whom you'd like to be, doesn't want to be with you, accepting your hurt feelings will eventually let you come to peace with your feelings.To keep hoping against the facts of what he's said to you, only makes your own pain intensify. </s>

<s>[INST] A year ago, the love of my life left me and never looked back. Our son was two months old at the time and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't seem to get over being so heartbroken. [/INST] Who takes care of your son, is a significant part of getting over your heartbreak.If you made reasonable custody terms re your son then the relationship heartache is much easier to recover from than if your sons mother vanished from his life, or if the mother wants nothing to do w him.Re the actual relationship, let yourself feel sad and hurt since this is the truth.Usually life gradually fills in new people, including a relationship once you feel strong enough from having endured such sadness and loss. </s>

<s>[INST] A year ago, the love of my life left me and never looked back. Our son was two months old at the time and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't seem to get over being so heartbroken. [/INST] I recognize that you say you are missing being with the love of your life. At the same time, I don't understand whether you are able to see your son. I'm curious as to the relationship dynamic between you and your son's mother.When you say that she "never looked back," I imagine you are conveying that getting back together is not something that she is interested in.I would suggest that you talk with a therapist and your local area so that you have the ability to discuss the loss of this person who you love so much. Most people think of grief related to the loss of someone who has died, But it also applies to people who have a significant loss, whether that is a relationship, a job, or any number of other things.In the meantime, try finding something about yourself that you value and can focus on. </s>

<s>[INST] I got married in 2014. I have a two year old son. His mom and I decided to separate due to my infidelities. We've tried to reconcile our differences but it never works out. Since we've been separated, I've dated someone, and we are expecting a baby girl. Is this something I should mention to my wife? The current woman whom I'm dating has been telling me for months to break up with her, but it's hard because I actually love her. [/INST] My answer is yes, you should tell her because you have a child with her. She is the mother of your son, and this new baby would be his half sister. I think telling her is mature and appropriate. Usually procrastinating just makes it worse.Another thing to consider. Would you want her to tell you if she was pregnant with her boyfriends baby? Hope this helps, take care! </s>

<s>[INST] I got married in 2014. I have a two year old son. His mom and I decided to separate due to my infidelities. We've tried to reconcile our differences but it never works out. Since we've been separated, I've dated someone, and we are expecting a baby girl. Is this something I should mention to my wife? The current woman whom I'm dating has been telling me for months to break up with her, but it's hard because I actually love her. [/INST] Only tell your former girlfriend who is the mother of your son, what is necessary for her to know as it relates to your son.The mother of your son has every right as a parent to know who is directly involved in her son's life.First figure out how you will handle your current girlfriend's request to end the relationship you have with her.Without knowing whether you are in a relationship or not, is a key piece of information which the mother of your son would likely have interest to know and be entitled to know.Also, love is never enough to keep a marriage working. Love is a wonderful emotion only managing daily life and family decisions requires commitment to the other person.Reflect within yourself if you are willing to commit to your current girlfriend. Then you'd have a substantial offer to make to her of your willingness to be together with her. </s>

<s>[INST] Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on? [/INST] I think giving yourself the space to realize that this was a significant relationship and it really had an impact on you. I think you should honor that relationship and then talk about it to someone.The more you try to not think of it, the more you will think of it. I think you should instead, say "thank you" to that relationship. Thank you for showing you what qualities you like, what you desire. Maybe even come up with a list of what that specific relationship did for you. After you say "thank you" to that relationship then it may be time to say goodbye.You obviously want to get over that person, so figure out why you want to get over them. Why did it not work out? What negative parts of the relationship do you keep forgetting to think about. Oftentimes, people glamorize the past. So for your goodbye part of this phase, I would focus on the negative parts of the relationship. You can also work on emotionally saying goodbye to that time in your life. You are probably different than you were 7 years ago, and to be honest, they are probably different too.I know it sounds weird. But I would recommend that you mentally say "thank you" and "goodbye" to that relationship. </s>

<s>[INST] Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on? [/INST] What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se. Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.Two possibilities exist.Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.Basically people attract what they need.The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship. </s>

<s>[INST] I got engaged, and everything was going well. Things went downhill at some point, and I broke off the engagement due to an opportunity to go to college. After that, I found out she had been cheating on me. I think about her all the time now, and we have been communicating on and off, but my friends/family don't know. [/INST] Somehow you knew the marriage wouldn't have a good start if your fianc was cheating on you.Congrats on your intuition and following your intuition.An engagement breakup is full of disappointment and sometimes talking about the particular points help the couple to clarify and possibly set the relationship on new terms or feel more confident in the breakup.I suggest you identify what topics re the relationship you'd like to clear up with your ex.If both of you are having touch and go conversation which doesn't address the deeper and more troubled areas which led to the cheating and breakup, there is a chance you both will go down a similar road of casual and light conversation which hits the wall of the deeper obstacles between both of you.Your friends and family don't need to know anything until you feel ready to tell them what you decide to tell them. </s>

<s>[INST] He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy. [/INST] Trust your intuition on your conclusion about this guy.He may very well love you, only with the ex so prominent in his mind, it is possible your feeling of not being appreciated now, would multiply if ever the two of you needed to address a delicate topic.Since he is emotionally attached to the former gf, it is very likely he wouldn't be able to fully love you as much as you'd like and are already sensing. </s>

<s>[INST] He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy. [/INST] It sounds like you were in a tough spot here.I'm not able to tell you whether or not you made a mistake because the decision is yours. I am wondering what led you to ask whether you made a mistake and whether you wish you were still in the relationship with this guy. If so, is it an option to talk about this with him?If you decide to get back together, consider having some conversations about what your concerns are and taking about five minutes or so to listen to this guy's thoughts, feelings, etc. Then see if you can repeat the essence of what he said to make sure you have it right. Then maybe you can ask some questions that you have and see if he is willing to listen. When each of you is in the role of asking questions, try to ask them as if you are an investigative reporter trying to learn more about each other's experience.If you are looking for information on coping with breaking up and you don't want to get back together or that's not an option, consider looking at how you define yourself and what is most important to you at this moment. I hear you saying you've done a lot of things to make him happy. I'm wondering what is making you happy. Hopefully you have friends or family that you can trust and talk to. Even if you don't talk about your relationship with all of them, I hope you have some people around whom you can be emotionally safe and comfortable. </s>

<s>[INST] My spouse decided he no longer wanted me six years ago. Things have deteriorated so badly that we have separated but still live in the same house. He says he despises the sight of me, wants to be with other women, and divorce. What I don't understand is that he says constantly that I have no feelings for him and gets absurdly jealous if I speak to another male. Why does he constantly do these behaviors? I might add he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as a narcissist. [/INST] What a burden for you!Your husband cannot seem to make up his mind on his viewpoint and doesn't seem to care whether or not you're affected by speaking out of two sides of his mouth.Keep yourself protected emotionally from him. There's no good which can come by arguing with a person who flips their position.Live as separately as possible from him and stick to roommate type matters such as groceries, bill paying and housecleaning as discussion topics.If he cannot make sense of what he thinks and feels, then certainly you will face similar difficulty trying to do so! </s>

<s>[INST] My spouse decided he no longer wanted me six years ago. Things have deteriorated so badly that we have separated but still live in the same house. He says he despises the sight of me, wants to be with other women, and divorce. What I don't understand is that he says constantly that I have no feelings for him and gets absurdly jealous if I speak to another male. Why does he constantly do these behaviors? I might add he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as a narcissist. [/INST] It sounds like this is quite difficult.It sounds as if sometimes your spouse want you to be a part of his life (which could be a part of where the jealousy comes from) and sometimes he doesn't. Talking about this would likely be a delicate conversation and from what you mention he has been diagnosed with, I'm wondering if he has a therapist. If so, do you know whether he would allow you to come to one session so you can learn more about how he feels? Maybe he would be to use more of it because in the contained environment of an therapy office. This way at least you would know where he's coming from. You could also ask whether he is able to hear what you want, wish for, or desire between the two of you.Remember, just because you hear or follow what he is saying does not imply that you agree with him, although that concept in itself could be a subject of discussion because not everyone is aware of it.I hope that you are able to hold onto who you are and what you want throughout this. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the in love part of a relationship but doesnt want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new? [/INST] It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the in love part of a relationship but doesnt want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new? [/INST] That's a tough one. Would you and your husband be willing to attend couples counseling during the separation? That would benefit you both. If you separate and reconcile, what will have changed other than you having time apart? You will need to gain new skills to enhance and maintain your connection - otherwise you will risk repeating the cycle of disconnect, discontentment and separation. Please seek help from a therapist trained in couples work to help the two of you find a way either back to each other or gracefully out of the marriage. Time away will not, by itself, change your relationship into one that can be sustained. </s>

<s>[INST] I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? [/INST] Desire to inhabit the opposite sex's body derives from too fast of a re-entry into a new (feminine) body, after being released in a previous life, from an old (masculine) body.You remember the previous life's connection with the masculine experience and body, and wish to find a way to be more comfortable.We will approach this matter, spiritually, and I reckon you'll feel a great deal better :) </s>

<s>[INST] I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? [/INST] It is really important for you to be comfortable with your identity. With that said, it is also so important for you to be safe. It may be helpful for you to find supports (in your life, community, or online) that you can talk about how you feel and potentially gain supportive persons if your family does not accept you. It will be really important to connect with others and even a counselor to help you. </s>

<s>[INST] I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? [/INST] Chances are your family already knows, they are probably just waiting on confirmation from you to say it. A parent knows their child. </s>

<s>[INST] I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? [/INST] Spirituality for those in the LGBTQ community can be one of the more difficult roads. Unfortunately, many unjustly ostracize members of the LGBTQ community away from faith and spirituality. I believe that folks can embrace the identity that is genuine to them, and still maintain their spiritual beliefs! Briefly, the keys are to first monitor how we allow those in our life to influence our thoughts and emotions. We need to create standards and boundaries to protect ourselves. We also need to not project the judgment of other people onto our individual spiritual beliefs! There are many ways in which to tackle this effort! </s>

<s>[INST] I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? [/INST] Ultimately, to suppress your natural identity will work against you.However difficult, painful, frightening, it is to tell your family about your discovery about who you are, trying to avoid your own truth will do you harm eventually.One way to make this conversation easier for yourself is to prepare yourself for the outcomes you expect and know will be difficult.Take as much time as you need to accept the potential rejection because this way iff and when it comes you will be better able to handle it. </s>

<s>[INST] I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? [/INST] First of all, I want to say, I am so sorry you are not feeling accepted by your family. I know how isolating and lonely this can be. The most important step you can take right now is building a community of supportive people who do accept you. Creating your own sense of community is very powerful for helping you love yourself. If you can find a trans support or LGBTQ support group in your area, I recommend seeking that out right away through your local LGBTQ center or PFLAG. If you dont have access to that, I recommend calling Trans Lifeline US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366 https://www.translifeline.org/. You can talk to other trans-identified people anonymously for support, calling them from wherever you feel safe. This is a great way to begin to connect with other people who have similar experiences to you. Next, think of this time in your life as your time to explore your gender identity, just for yourself. Make room to explore you gender identity in ways that are private and comfortable for you. Consider reading a book like: https://www.newharbinger.com/queer-and-transgender-resilience-workbook to explore who you are and build resilience. Also, consider learning about other religions that are accepting of LGBTQ folks for another perspective - there are many out there! Once you feel you have a strong support system outside of your family and a positive sense of self-love (which can take time, be patient, dont rush it), then you can consider what action steps you want to take with your family. If you are still living with your family or financially depend on them, having other supports in place first is very important. Its a very personal choice how you want to navigate your family relationships, talk it through in-depth with a trusted friend, other trans folks, or therapist to help you decide whats right for you.And remember, there are tons of people out there who will love and accept you. We are rooting for you!In solidarity,-Lindsey </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] For you and your fiance to move past this, he needs to accept you just the way you are. Being that you mentioned that you both come from a Christian background, maybe you could start there, he needs to forgive and trust your love for him. His insecurities stem from something bigger than you not being a virgin. Since this is the man, you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, be patient and help him find the help he needs. Talk about your commitment to him and reassure him that your history does not have to affect your relationship. Lastly, Pre-Marital Counseling can help you and him to open up about other things that might affect the marriage later.God Bless You Both, Mirella~ </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] You might ask your fiance about people who have let him down in the past; past hurts from parents, friends, people he has dated. If you are speaking about jealousy he may come from a divorced parent upbringing, may have seen parents cheat on one or the other, may have had partners cheat on him in the past. He may have fears that you may go off the "straight and narrow" once you get married. Listen to any concerns with patience and understanding, avoid being defensive.I would highly encourage pre-marital counseling to explore these things and individual counseling for himself to work on fears and anxieties. If he refuses and things do not improve I would consider postponing the wedding, things will not get better once you get married, only magnified.Finally show him Bible passages about forgiveness and worry and leaning on God with faith and hope for the future. God bless. </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue. You cannot change that for him. He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own. What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him. When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this: Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today. The person they claim to love. If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that. Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through. Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!Hope that helps,Allison </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] Your patience with his pace of accepting your past, is the factor most in your control in this situation.Everyone accepts a new understanding at their own particular rate. Yours may be faster than his pace.Since it is possible he may accelerate his pace of accepting your past if he knows that this is a priority for you, tell him about your own discomfort .Even if knowing how you feel does not motivate him to a quicker pace of accepting your past, you will have the peace of mind to know you gave him all the information you possibly had to give. </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past. We can connect with the things we love about them, too.I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.Best of luck to you both! </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fianc wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fianc feel that way. </s>

<s>[INST] Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does "real" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process. </s>

<s>[INST] Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] Thanks for posting. This is a significant issue for many people and can make us feel helpless; among other emotions due to the uncertainty. You said that, at times, you feel like everyone is lying. Ask yourself some of these questions. What is it that makes you feel so strongly that they are lying? Where is the concrete evidence that they are lying? How could I test my thoughts about this? What if things are not what they seem on the surface? Am I any lesser of a person as a result of this person's behavior or opinion? Our beliefs about ourselves and the people and our world and how we interpret information and experiences have a significant effect on how we feel and how we behave. It is important to objectively challenge the beliefs that contribute to negative emotions. You can start this process by answering some of the above questions. We are unfortunately influenced by what and who we associate with. As it pertains to if God is a lie; be honest with yourself and question your beliefs that tell you that God is or is not real. It may be helpful for you to speak to a preacher or chaplain of some sort and they can help you with a lot of that. Hope this helps at least a little bit. </s>

<s>[INST] Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] The way that I see it is that Humans have always been afraid of life and death, historically we have always tried to understand life, we try to organize it, categorize it, explore it, and we've built up this system, our system and societies system around us to help us define what life and (death) is, this system or way is not real but only a perception of our own value judgements, it is, no matter how you try to argue it, a false system of conditioning, humans have a finite mind and a finite mind cannot ever hope to understand an infinite mind of which a god would be. God has been developed over time as a security blanket for our child-like selves, the world is a beautifully brutal place and what is more reassuring than a master that will take care of us and show us the way. On Earth alone there are thousands of gods and even many more systems of thought, economics, societal structures and so on, it is almost as though it were a supermarket with so many choices, we have more choices in gods than we do flavors of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, so then I ask you, "which one is real?, and "what is real?" </s>

<s>[INST] Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan. May you be successful in your journey. </s>

<s>[INST] Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact. Beliefs aren't provable. </s>

<s>[INST] Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] Believing in God is amatter of faith. There are many opinions out there for and against Gods existence. But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists? This is a personal choice. Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not. Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estpida, pero algunas veces no s que es real o no. Siento que todo el mundo miente. Cmo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestin de fe. Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios. Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe. Esto es una decisin muy individual. Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelacin o confirmacin es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. [/INST] Having sex with your boyfriend is and was a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven and you can make amends.But it is not the end of your relationship or God's will for you.Have a serious talk with your guy and get back on track with where you want to be. Talk to a counselor or your priest/pastor. Get someone to be your guide and mentor. Check in with them regularly.Getting back to square one could actually strengthen your relationship.Have a plan for the future where you will not be put into a place of temptation. Group dates, public places and no alone time where temptations might arise.Forgive yourself and move on. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. [/INST] I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry them, then why should you have to wait until marriage? If you truly feel that this is the person you want to be with, then why would you need to wait until marriage if you're just showing commitment to each other? </s>

<s>[INST] In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs. [/INST] I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction.There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial.Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues.Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential. </s>

<s>[INST] In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs. [/INST] You have an opportunity, but you haven't described a problem. (Are you creating one?) Many families have various members who have different spiritual beliefs and religious practices. Accepting the idea that those with whom we are close may be different from us is the only way to create a world of peace. This may be a wonderful opportunity to practice tolerance and love. If mutual decisions need to be made in religious contexts, you may also get to practice boundary setting, assertiveness (without aggression), communication skills, and loving kindness. This is a great problem to work through! It is indeed a very spiritual question. Blessings to you all, ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org) </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] Hi!This is a great question!The term you are looking for is alexithymia, the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. However, just because you are not able to feel or express emotions, does not mean that you do not have emotions.After such a traumatic event that you experienced, your central nervous system goes into defensive mode (dorsal vagal nerves) that protect you from any further harm. What this means is if you were to feel your emotions related to your rape, you would have a sense of being overwhelmed, possibly re-experiencing the traumatic event.Not feeling emotions is your body's way of protecting you from any further trauma. Unfortunately, when the (parasympathetic) dorsal vagal system (shutting down feeling) is activated and suppresses your painful emotions (pain, shame, guilt, sadness, anger), it also shuts down your positive and relational emotions (love, joy, contentment, connectedness, happiness).I am very sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience as being raped. No one knows what is going on inside of you as a result. You don't know what is happening to your emotional wellbeing! The best (and at times, difficult and scary) thing is to process your emotions related to your trauma. This processing is done carefully, with a trained counselor, in a place that you feel safe, heard, and not judged. Although the thought of proceedings (addressing) emotions may be anxiety-inducing, it brings on a huge sense of relief and validation.What you are going through is normal, considering what happened to you! I hope you reach out for more help.If you have any questions feel free to contact me, Catherine atclevelandemotionalhealth.com </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] I'm so sorry you've been hurt. It's very normal to stop feeling emotions as a way to protect yourself after experiencing a traumatic event. You can think of it as emotional shock-- you experienced something that was so awful that you have numbed yourself (mind and body) as a way to stop the emotional and physical pain of the event. It's actually pretty amazing that our selves know how to do this automatically. And, I hear you saying that you'd like to get some feeling back now.So here are some ideas for how you can change this:I think it would be a great idea to find an experienced therapist you like and trust and/or a good support group so that you can have some allies as you go through this process. You also could try journaling. If you're not sure what to write then check out this list of prompts to get you started (it's for teachers, but I really like it). There's also art journaling. Pinterest has lots of suggestions.Meditation could be useful. There are lots of apps available that offer guided meditations.Yoga, tai chi, or chi gong might also help.I have lots of other ideas, but without knowing more about you I'm reluctant to make suggestions that could accidentally make you feel worse. IThis protective mechanism of numbing yourself kicked in for a good reason and as you get your feelings back, you may find some pretty challenging reactions coming up. I guess my final piece of advice to is encourage you to trust yourself and gently go at your own pace in your healing. I hope this was helpful. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] Terrible things do happen in life, and I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please rest assured that you are not a sociopath, and that your reactions are normal responses to traumatic events. I'm guessing you are experiencing a sense of numbness, which is a common response to trauma. The best thing you can do is to get some trauma counseling with a professional counselor. As you process your experience, you will be able to feel emotions again. However, the first feelings to come back may be related to trauma, such as fear, panic, and a sense of hyper vigilance. A professional counselor will be able to help you tolerate these feelings, manage them, and heal from your trauma. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] I don't need to tell you that this is an incredible amount of serious stuff to happen in a short period. When we go through a trauma, it is natural for us to shut down as a way to protect ourselves. A kind of freeze response. Think of a possum or a gazelle. These animals go so far as to physically freeze in protection. Our emotions do the same thing sometimes. We feel shut down and that can be strange---a kind of disconnection. This does not mean that you are sociopath or that your feelings will never come back. The amazing thing though is that as time moves forward we naturally heal and emotions come back. If you feel stuck, seeking counseling is a way to help accelerate this healing and help you work through and begin healing. Wishing you the absolute best! </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] Im sorry to know this happened to you! This is a normal response to traumatic events. When we are pushed to the extreme and we are unable to escape, we freeze which numbs us from pain but disconnects us from our bodies. We oftentimes continue to feel that disconnection until we work through these traumas. I would suggest working through your traumas with a therapist with methods like EMDR, somatic experiencing, yoga therapy, etc to get your emotions and fullness of life back! </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing "emotional distance" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being "numb," or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to "feel" again. It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out.Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it .Good luck! You can do this! </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? [/INST] You are right on to recognize that the effects of trauma can be cumulative. It is very possible that a car accident could lead to an increase in PTSD symptoms that were related to other traumatic experiences.If you have been deployed to a combat area, you are most likely eligible for free counseling services through the VA Vet Centers. The Vet Center clinicians typically have a lot of experience working with military trauma. Here's a link to a directory of Vet Centers:http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter.aspYour service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? [/INST] A car accident can be scary and possibly trigger your symptoms of PTSD. It is good that you recognize the possibility of this occurring.Not everyone who experiences a car accident develops PTSD. The chances are definitely increased due to your prior diagnosis during military service.Some of the things to be mindful of for yourself include:1.Feelings of anxiety and increased heart rate when you're faced with reminders of the event.2.Feeling a little more on edge when you're driving.3.Being more watchful. You're more likely to scan your environment for potential sources of threats.4.Avoidance. Because of the anxiety that often follows an accident, it's natural that you may want to avoid some situations or experience hesitation at times.If you experience any of these symptoms or feel other symptoms of PTSD it would be advisable to seek help possibly through your local VA Medical Clinic or a private practitioner. There are certain modalities such as EMDR that can help with your symptoms. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? [/INST] There are many types of traumas, and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas, or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others, there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas, is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over, and then receives a trigger from a new event, it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA, so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? [/INST] A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially, if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards.This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response.Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention. </s>