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### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ical logistics, right down to forcing
his crew and staff to wear identical jumpsuits of scarlet nylon so
that they look like a national ski team — Max’s shoots are
described (by Max) as “almost military operations”; (2) Not only
employing ringers but actually sometimes being able to talk real
live civilian “little girls” on the beach or in the mall into coming
on back to the special MAXWORLD RV and having anal sex on
camera;22 (3) Being the first in “mainstream” (meaning nonfetish) |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 20 (especially their bottoms, it seems, in the Gonzos of Max, Buttman, Mr. Ben Dover, and |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: “Butt Row’s” J. Silvera)
21 So let’s observe that whereas traditional, quote-unquote dramatic porn videos simulate |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: the 100 percent sexualization of real life (viz. by creating a kind of alternative real world
in which everyone from secretaries to firemen to dental hygienists is always just one
prompt away from frantic intercourse), Gonzo videos push the envelope by offering the
apparent sexualization of actual real life (by, for instance, combining real footage of
babes on the Cannes beach with scripted footage of seduction and explicit sex). Gonzo
thus obviously seems like the porn equivalent of the mainstream trend in |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Docudramas,
COPS, Real-Life Adventures of 3rd-Shift Trauma Surgeons, etc.
22 This is not a rumor. It is documented as fact. No theories on this phenomenon or on
the civilian females’ possible motives/susceptibilities will even be attempted here — the
relevant questions are just too huge and stupefying. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 26 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: adult video to perpetrate on women levels of violation and degradation that would have been unthinkable even a few years ago.
W/r/t item (3), Max, after detailing for yr. correspondents the
vo- and avocations that led him into the adult industry (a tale too
literally incredible even to think about factchecking and trying to
print), informs us that he is and always has been adult video’s
“cutting-edge blade,” and that other less bold and original filmmakers have systematically stolen and used his, Max’s, deg |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: radations of women as a blueprint for their own subsequent shabby and
derivative films’ degradations.23 (Harold Hecuba and Dick Filth, by
23 Max is here referring not only to Silvera and Byron and the rest of the Gonzo-come- |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: latelies, but to directors like Gregory Dark and Rob Black, who are the spearheads of a
certain other hot ’90s genre called (by Dick Filth, in print) “Bizarro-Sleaze.” Gregory
Dark’s recent Snakepit and The Shocking Truth do things like seat a starlet in an interview
chair and then have an off-camera inquisitor ask her, e.g., whether she thinks she’s a slut
and whether she thinks she’s eventually going to go to hell for her insatiable sluttiness
and how she felt about the sexual attentions of her piggish st |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: epfather, which example
then segues into an SS where four men dressed stepfatherishly in bowties and cardigans
and all with plastic pig-snouts strapped onto their faces gang-bang her into a stupor.
Whereas Mr. Rob Black — compared to whom Gregory Dark is Frank Capra — offers
entertainment like gang bangs of paraplegic women, women being made to eat Ritz
crackers that have been skeeted on, and men taking turns spitting in women’s faces.*
Your correspondents elect here to submit an opinion. Dark’s and Black’s |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: movies are
not for men who want to be aroused and maybe masturbate. They are for men who have
problems with women and want to see them humiliated. Whether Bizarro-Sleaze might
conceivably help armchair misogynists “work out” some of their anger at females is irrelevant. Catharsis is not these films’ intent. Their intent is to capitalize on a market-demand
that quite clearly exists — these directors’ products, like Max Hardcore’s, are near-constant
presences in Adult Video News’s Top Sellers and Renters lis |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ts.
Dark’s and Black’s movies are vile. They are meant to be. And the truth is that inyour-face vileness is part of the schizoid direction porn’s been moving in all decade. For
just as adult entertainment has become more “mainstream” — meaning more widely
available, more acceptable, more lucrative, more chic: Boogie Nights — it has become
also more “extreme,” and not just on the Bizarro margins. In nearly all hetero porn now
there is a new emphasis on anal sex, painful penetrations, degrading tableaux, and |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: the
(at least) psychological abuse of women. In certain respects, this extremism may simply
be porn’s tracing Hollywood entertainment’s own arc: It’s hardly news that TV and legit
film have also gotten more violent and explicit and raw in the last decade. So maybe.
And yet there’s something else.
The psychodynamics of porn seem always to have involved a certain real degree
of shame, self-loathing, perception of “sin,” etc. This has held both on the performing
end — “I’m a nasty girl,” “I’m a little fuckhole |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ” — and on the consumption end —
recall, or get someone to tell you about, the embarrassment of being seen at the ticket
window of an adult theater, or the haunted faces of trenchcoated men in Times Square,
Boston’s Combat Zone, SF’s Tenderloin. We note, though, that the faces of today’s fans
at the Adult CES seem different, the affect more complex. An observer gets the odd
*N.B. here in advance that Mr. Rob Black will win Best Director/Video at Saturday night’s Awards gala. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 27 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: the way, have heard Max hold forth many times before and are now
outside the circle of discourse — D.F. in the bathroom for what
seems like a peculiarly long time, H.H. on the couch with the
actresses hashing out the implications of Seinfeld’s retirement for
NBC’s ’98 lineup.)
Alone and in a place of conspicuous honor on a wood-finish
shelf above the suite’s minibar is an actual AVN Awards statuette.
The trophy resembles an Oscar/Emmy/Clio except that the figurine’s arms are up and out (making it also look |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: a bit like Richard
Nixon at the climax of the ’68 GOP convention), and something
slightly blurry about the casting gives it a sort of cubic-zirconium
aspect. Whether the statuette is heavy and solid vs. hollow and
Little Leaguish remains unknown — there is no invitation to touch
or heft it. One of the B-girls on the couch is now either laughing or
weeping into her hands at something Harold Hecuba has said; her
bare shoulders heave. It would be totally fantastic if the Seinfeld
rerun on the huge TV were the |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: episode about everybody trying to
refrain from masturbating, but it isn’t. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: (23, continued)
sense that the average fan here feels slightly ashamed of being slightly ashamed of his
enthusiasm for porn, since the performers and directors now appear to have abandoned
shame in favor of the steely-eyed exultation that always attends success in the great US
market. Wherever else it is, porn is no longer in the shadows and slums. As Max’s scarletclad crewman put it, “In a way, it’s kind of a drag. Now everybody’s watching it. We used
to be rebels. Now we’re fucking businessmen.”†
The thin |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: g to recognize is that the adult industry’s new respectability creates a paradox. The more acceptable in modern culture it becomes, the farther porn will have to
go in order to preserve the sense of unacceptability that’s so essential to its appeal. As
should be evident, the industry’s already gone pretty far; and with reenacted child abuse
and barely disguised gang rapes now selling briskly, it is not hard to see where porn is
eventually going to have to go in order to retain its edge of disrepute. Whether |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: or not it
ever actually gets there, it’s clear that the real horizon late-’90s porn is heading toward is
the Snuff Film. It’s also clear — w/ all moral and cultural issues totally aside — that this is
an extremely dangerous direction for the adult-film industry to have to keep moving in.
It seems only a matter of time before another conservative pol sees in mainstream porn
an outrage sufficient to hang his public ambitions on. The AVA, after all, is not the only
powerful lobby with an interest in social no |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: rms. At this point, anyway, porn’s own internal contradictions (e.g., constantly offending mainstream values ——> the billions of
$ that attend mainstream popularity) look to be the industry’s most dangerous enemy.
† |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: (Max’s response to this crew member’s analysis, accompanied by a thumbs-up: “God bless America, kid.”) |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 28 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Asked by one of yr. corresps. what he won this AVN Award on
the shelf for, Max Hardcore slaps his knee: “I fucking stole it.” It’s
now that hard middle-distance inspection reveals that the max
hardcore on the metal strip at the trophy’s base has been scratched
in by someone who is not a professional engraver. It looks done
with a screwdriver, in fact. Max expands on the statuette caper:
Shut inexplicably out of the Awards for years, he last year, upon
exiting the stage (he’s always a presenter every year, w |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: hich he
regards as the AVNAs’ way of twisting the emotional blade), espied
in the wings a large cardboard box filled with blank and unused
AVN Award statuettes.24 Whereupon he thought, as he now puts
it, “What the fuck, I fucking deserve it” and snagged one, hiding it in
his enormous Stetson and deriving no little satisfaction from
attending various post-Awards parties with an illicit statuette under
his hat. Max’s crew all laugh very hard at this anecdote, though the
actresses don’t.
Alex Dane is now telli |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ng Harold Hecuba about a stray dog she
found and has decided to keep. She is excited as she describes the
dog and for a moment seems about fourteen; the impression lasts
only a second or two and is heartbreaking. One of the B-girls,
meanwhile, is explaining that she has just gotten a pair of cuttingedge breast implants that she can actually adjust the size of by
adding or draining fluid via small valves under her armpits, and
then — perhaps mistaking your correspondents’ expressions for
ones of disbelief — |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: she raises her arms to display the valves. There
really are what appear to be valves.
So much about today’s adult industry seems like an undeft parody
of Hollywood and the nation writ large. The top performers are
comic-book caricatures of sexual allure. The prosthetic breasts and
lifted buttocks and (no kidding) artificial cheekbones are nothing |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 24 (Here yr. corresps.’ suspicion that the AVNA statuettes are bought in bulk, possibly |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: hot, feels somehow confirmed.) |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 29 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: more than accentuations of a mentality that yields huge liposuction and collagen industries. The gynecologically explicit sexuality
of Jenna, Jasmin, et al. seems more than anything like a Mad magazine spoof of the “smoldering” sexuality of Sharon Stone and
Madonna and so many other mainstream iconettes.25 Not to mention the fact that the adult industry takes many of the psychological
deformities that Hollywood is famous for — the vanity, the vulgarity, the rank commercialism — and not only makes them overt |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: and
grotesque but seems then to revel in that grotesquerie.
Good old Max Hardcore, for instance, is a total psychopath —
that’s part of his on-screen Gonzo persona — but so is the real
Max/Paul Steiner. You’d almost have to have been there in that
suite. Max sits holding court in his hat and pointy boots, looking at
once magisterial and mindless, while his red-suited acolytes laugh
on cue and a jr. high dropout shows off her valves. In truth, the first
ten minutes of the impromptu interview in the Sahara a |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: re spent
passing around a copy of something called Icon magazine, which
Max has told us is doing a profile on him — we are expected to leaf
through the magazine and comment favorably on its content and
layout while Max watches us in the same hyperexpectant way that
parents watch you when you’re looking at a snapshot of their kid
that they’ve taken out uninvited and pressed on you. This is the
actual chronology. There then follows a torrent of autobiography
and background that yr. corresps. have decided to d |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: eny Max the
satisfaction of seeing reproduced here. After which is a kind of Max
101–like survey of personal philosophy and Gonzo theory and the
statuette anecdote. The vodka is top-shelf and the plastic cups
dusty. Then one of the starlets decides that she’s hungry, and Max
insists on escorting her down to the Sahara’s restaurant and wants
everybody else to come along, which eventually results in the B-girls
25 . . . and of the ubiquitous smolder that’s so much a part of ’90s commercial culture. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Mr. H. Hecuba, for instance, during one of the marathon screenings of Award-nominated
videos referenced above in FN 3, pointed out that the relation between a Calvin Klein ad
and a hard-core adult film is essentially the same as the relation between a funny joke
and an explanation of what’s funny about that joke. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 30 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: and crewmen and yr. corresps.26 all standing there awkwardly at the
maître d’s podium while Max personally conducts the starlet to her
table and pulls out her chair and tucks a serviette into her cleavage
and pulls out a platinum-plated money clip and announces in a
voice audible to everyone in the restaurant and foyer that he
“want[s] to take care of the little girl’s damages in advance” and
shoves bills into the hanky-pocket of the maître d’s tuxedo and
then leaves her there by herself and herds us all ba |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ck out and into
the elevator and jabs impatiently at the button for his suite’s floor,
almost jumping up and down with fury at the elevator’s delay; and
we’re all rushed back up to the suite because it’s occurred to Max
that he wants to show your corresps. something from this week’s
filming that he thinks will sum up his particular porn genius better
than any amount of exposition could . . . and then, reseated, he
starts flipping through a notebook to find something.
“What it is is we got this one little gi |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: rl back in the [infamous
MAXWORLD] trailer, and after some face-fucking 27 and reaming
her asshole and, like, your standard depravities, we get her to stick
a pen — no, a what-do-you-call . . .”
Crewman: “Magic Marker.”
Max: “. . . Magic Marker, stick it up her asshole and write all
this . . . this stuff,” holding up the notebook, opened to a page;
again he has us pass it around: |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 26 Hecuba and Filth, being both familiar with Max and financially independent of him, |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: elect to remain in the suite under the beady and seemingly lidless eye of the Production
Asst. (who, by the way, is not wearing a fire-colored MAXWORLD jumpsuit but has evidently been promised one if he completes his probationary employment period in good
standing).
27 = fellatio? = very energetic French kissing? |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 31 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: is thereon written in a hand28 that seems impressively legible, considering. Dick Filth makes a waggish inquiry about future film plans involving
this girl and a typewriter, but Max doesn’t laugh (we noticed that Max
never laughs at a joke he hasn’t told), and so neither does anyone else.
Doubtless most of this is going to get cut by Premiere, but it’s
worth also observing — when this magazine’s assigned photographer (who’s also gotten in here with us this afternoon on H.H. and
D.F.’s coattails) begins wond |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ering aloud about the possibility of
getting some good portraits at the Awards of winners holding their
statuettes — the way Max right away jumps in with his idea of the
perfect photo for the title page of this very article. The proposed
shot is to be of Max Hardcore, holding several of the AVN Awards
trophies he pledges either to win straight up or to gain possession
of in other ways, seated in some kind of imperial-looking and really
nice chair that is itself set up on the palm-studded boulevard of the
fa |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: mous Las Vegas Strip — so the photographer’ll get lots of smeary
neon and appropriately phallic bldgs. in the background — with a
retinue of scantily clad starlets either draped swoonily over him or
prostrate at his feet, or both. It is important to note that there are no
audible scare-quotes, no irony or embarrassment or self-awareness
of any sort on Max’s face as he sketches this photo’s tableau for us;
he’s in the kind of earnest that one imagines Irving Thalberg was
always in.29 Your correspondents imme |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: diately begin to lobby hard
28 (so to speak)
29 Yes, this is it: What’s so unbelievable is not the extent or relentlessness of porn people’s |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: egotism ( Jasmin St. Claire’s way of greeting a journalist is to offer him a personally autographed photo; Tom Byron, who is 36 and has precisely one attribute, affects the air of
a Mafia don at the Sands’ bar’s nightly porn parties, extending his hand knuckles-up as
if for obeisance, etc. etc.). It’s the obtuseness of it. Take, for just one other instance, the
29-year-old Mr. Scotty Schwartz, with whom through the good offices of Harold Hecuba
your correspondents had a working supper that ended up being a |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: whole Russian novel in
itself. Young Mr. Schwartz, maybe 5'0" in low gravity and platform shoes, is a former Hollywood child star whose performances in Richard Pryor’s The Toy and Darren McGavin’s
A Christmas Story were the zenith of a career the abrupt decline of which led — through a
flux of circumstances too tortuous to even take notes on — to an acquaintance with the
ubiquitous Ron Jeremy and an entrée to the insular social nexus of adult video. Either
desperate or deranged or both, Scotty Schwartz evid |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ently decided that the “controversy”
of his appearance in a hard-core film would jump-start his legit career (kind of like a
rehab or arrest, is Scotty’s analogy; he repeatedly gnashes his teeth over the fact that his
old rival Corey Feldman’s career survived a rehab). And the adult industry, only too |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 32 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: (29, continued)
happy to cash in on the novelty of Scotty’s mainstream celebrity (recall 1994’s John Wayne
Bobbitt Uncut, after all), starred Schwartz in Wicked Pictures’ 1996 Scotty’s X-Rated Adventure,
a production beset by near-crippling anxiety and epic waits for wood, all of which psychic
travails Scotty recounts in a detail that inspires pure empathic horror in yr. male corresps.
(FYI, Mr. Bobbitt’s porn debut, too, was marred by serious wood issues — impotence
apparently being the Achilles’ heel of n |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: early all nonprofessional woodmen [the term
performance anxiety must take on a whole new hideous resonance in the magnesium glare
of a working porn shoot] — but Bobbitt finally submitted to a penile injection of prostaglandin [known in the industry as “instant wood”], whereas Schwartz bravely/cravenly
chose to limp through S.’s X-R.A. without medical assistance.)
. . . The thrust of the whole long story being that Schwartz, though (understandably)
no longer a hard-core performer, has abandoned mainstream am |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: bitions for the adult
vortex and is now a budding Gonzo-genre director, and is even this week guiding something called Scotty’s Behind the Anal Door at the C.E.S. (which presumably Max Hardcore
doesn’t know about) through a hectic series of Tush ’n’ Bush shoots.
Anyway, the point is that yr. corresps. were on Thursday night lured to this supper
meeting by Hecuba’s reports that S. Schwartz had become sort of the unofficial mascot
of the adult industry, and knew absolutely everybody, and was a near-manic chat |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: terbox:
We figured that he’d be a good source of background and context and gossip. H.H. had
already prepared us for Schwartz’s personal manner (which is ticcy and breathless and
neurally irritating in the same way a musical note held much too long is neurally irritating), but what Hecuba neglected to mention was that Scotty Schwartz is also totally incapable of talking about anything other than himself. Two courses and half an hour are
spent on Scotty’s mainstream résumé and the fucking-over he got from fa |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: te’s fickle finger
(alliteration and anatomically mixed metaphor Schwartz’s) and the comparative injustice
of the arcs of his and C. Feldman’s careers, then another 20 minutes on Schwartz’s budding and allegedly platonic relationship with a born-again Christian girl he met on the
Internet (during which whole initial 50 minutes one of yr. corresps. kept having to put
his napkin in his mouth). Nor did Schwartz seem able or disposed to tell any story of
which he himself was not the hero. Here — as close to ver |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: batim as stupefaction permitted — is Scotty’s tale of his introduction to Mr. Russ Hampshire, head of VCA Inc. and
what Scotty terms “a very very big fish: like this if you know what I’m saying to you here”
in the adult industry:
“So I’m at this party and hanging and schmoozing up the girls and there across the
room is Russ Hampshire and Russ catches my like eye if you know what I’m saying and
and goes, like, you know, ‘Hey kid, c’mere’ and so I do I go over I mean this is Russ fucking Hampshire you know wh |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: at I’m saying here and I do I like go on over to where Russ is
at and Russ comes over to me and goes, ‘Scotty, I been watching you. I like your style. I’m
a good judge of people, and Scotty, you’re good people. I never heard one person say
one bad thing about you.’ [Keep in mind that this is Scotty telling this story. Note how
verbatim he gets Hampshire’s dialogue. Note the altered timbre and perfectly timed
delivery. Note the way it never even occurs to Schwartz that a normal US citizen might be
bored or r |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: epelled by Scotty’s lengthy recitation of someone else’s praise of him. Schwartz
knows only that this interchange occurred and that it signifies that a big fish approves of
him and that it redounds to Scotty’s credit and that he wants it widely, widely known.]
‘Kid, I just want you to know you’re fucking OK in my book, and if there’s anything I can
do to, you know, help you, anything at all, I just want you to say the word.’ ”
. . . End of vignette, and now Scotty — like Max, like Jasmin, like Jenna and Ran |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: dy
and Tom and Caressa — looks around the table, examining his auditors’ faces for the
admiration that cannot possibly fail to appear. What is the socially appropriate response to
an anecdote like this — a contextless anecdote, apropos nothing, with its smugly unsubtle
(and yet not unmoving, finally, in its naked insecurity) agenda of getting you to admire
the teller? The few seconds after, with the vignette hanging there and Scotty’s eyes on
your correspondents’ faces like fingers, were the first of countl |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ess such moments over
the AAVNA’s weekend. How is one expected to respond? It was very uncomfortable.
One of yr. corresps. opted for “Gosh. Wow.” The other pretended to have had a brussels
sprout go down the wrong way. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 33 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: for Max’s idea, figuring that the photo would make a great illustration for the story of Max’s proposing this very photo — i.e., that it
would point up the megalomania far more powerfully than mere
reportage — but the Premiere photographer, who is no actor, does
such a poor job of disguising his repulsion at Max’s self-regard that
the atmosphere of the whole suite gets stilted and complexly hostile,
and the rest of the interview is kind of a fizzle-yield, and overall Dick
Filth said that we failed, in his p |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: hrase, to “penetrate to the core of the
essence of what it is to be Max Hardcore.”30
The 15th Annual AVN Awards are actually split over two consecutive nights, a tactic that Max H. thought the legit Oscars would do
well to emulate: “Get all the bullshit out of the way the first night —
best packaging, marketing, best gay, shit like that. Who wants to sit
through that shit?”
Held in a different, slightly smaller Caesars Palace ballroom,
Friday’s Awards show is indeed brisk. The ephemeral categories
include B |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: est Videography, Best Screenplay, Best Art Direction, Best
Music. Each category’s nominees are listed in the program, but
only the winners are announced onstage, and they’re announced
four at a time, and applause is discouraged, and the master of ceremonies keeps telling the quartets of winners that “If you’ll come on
up quickly and help keep things moving it’ll help us out a lot.” Friday’s only food is big wheels of vegetables and dip near the cash
bar. The emcee is not headliner Robert Schimmel but a hypo |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: manic
guy named Dave Tyree, whose interpolated banter is 78 rpm and
consists of stuff like “If God didn’t want us to jerk off he would’ve
made our arms shorter.” There are maybe 1,000 people in attendance, most only slightly dressed up, and there are no assigned |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 30 (Apparent pun accidental . . . although one of your corresps., on receiving Filth’s overall review in the fleeing taxi, responded that surely we had penetrated as far into the core
of Max as any sentient organism could ever want to penetrate. Filth’s subsequent rebuttal, which consisted mainly of a long string of unsubstantiatable Max Hardcore stories, is,
for basic legal reasons, here omitted.) |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 34 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: tables, and everybody in the ballroom is moving around and chattering and treating the onstage proceedings the way people in a
cocktail lounge treat the piano player.
Q. $4,000,000,000 and 8,000 new releases a year — why is adult
video so popular in this country?
A. Director and AVN-Hall-of-Fame inductee F. J. Lincoln: “It’s
always a little funny how it’s called adult. What it really is, you
get to be a kid again. You roll around and get dirty. It’s the
adult sandbox.”
A. Veteran woodman Joey Silvera: “Dude |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: s, let’s face it — America
wants to jerk off.”
A. Industry journalist Harold Hecuba: “It’s the new Barnum.
Nobody ever goes broke overestimating the rage and misogyny
of the average American male.”
A. Porn starlet Jacklyn Lick: “I think a lot of fans are very lonely
people.”
Q. There don’t seem to be a whole lot of condoms used in hardcore scenes.
A. Harold Hecuba: “Never have been. They’re viewed as a turnoff. This business is about engineering fantasies.”
Q. But even just venerially — all these anal shena |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: nigans and
everything. Is there much worry in the industry about HIV?
A. Harold Hecuba: “There’s not as much worry about AIDS now.
Everybody gets tested on a schedule.”
Q. What about herpes?
A. H.H.: “I think it’s rampant.”
Last year’s Best-Sex-Scene-in-a-Film winner Vince Vouyer’s real
name turns out to be John LaForme. Rhetorical Q.: How, if one’s
real name was John LaForme, could that person possibly feel the
need for a nom de guerre?
Mr. Tom Byron describes being able to tumesce and ejaculate
more or le |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ss on demand as an exercise in “control, like meditation |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 35 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: or surfing. It’s like a gymnast staying on the balance beam. You
practice enough, you can do anything.”31
Former woodman and current auteur Paul Thomas was a
member of the original Broadway cast of Jesus Christ Superstar.
The tall, crazed-looking, and ever-rampant Mike Horner,
three-time Best Actor winner and a member of the AVN Hall of
Fame,32 is actually a classically trained opera singer.
Deceased starlet Nancy Kelly’s real name was Kelly Van Dyke.
She was the daughter of TV’s Jerry Van Dyke and so, of c |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ourse, the
niece of Dick.
Exotic rookie actress Midori, one of the nominees in the ’98
AVNAs’ Best New Starlet category, is the sister of ’80s pop star Jodi
Whatley. Midori has stated publicly that she views upscale contemporary porn as a stepping-stone to a mainstream career, not unlike
becoming Miss America or doing a couple seasons on SNL. Harold
Hecuba characterizes Midori’s career strategy as “grievously illadvised.”
Adult Video News VP and Executive Editor Gene Ross, presenting the aforementioned 1998 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: AVN Award for Best Director/Video
to Miscreants’ Rob Black, will hail Mr. Black as “a guy who can take
buttholes, midgets, and fried fish, and make a love story.”33
From The New Yorker’s 1995 article on the psychosexual plight
of the adult industry’s woodman: “The Cal Jammers who are part
of this feminization feel they have stormed the walls of female |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 31 Mr. Tom Byron, by the way, who broke into the industry in the mid-’80s as a young man |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: whose adolescent skinniness and Howdy-Doodyish mien were as compelling and distinctive as his penis, is now having the same weird thing happen to his face that Christopher
Walken seemed to have happen to his face sometime after The Dead Zone. It’s not just
that Byron’s freckles are now gone or that his eyes have taken on a dead menace — the
actual skin of his face has become shiny and sort of plasticized-looking, overtaut in the
way a death mask is overtaut. For anyone who remembers what Byron looked like a |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: s a kid
fresh out of the University of Houston, his face now after thirteen years at the top of his
trade is a chilling contradiction of the industry’s claim that it’s all about pleasure and
unfettered play.
32 (physical location of this Hall, if any, is unknown)
33 [Laughter, cheers.] |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 36 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ornament to reclaim male prerogative, only to find themselves lost
in a garden of gender irony.”
Mr. John “Buttman” Stagliano — CEO of Evil Angel Inc., a
man described by US News & World Report as “the nation’s leading
director of hard-core videos” — not only has publicly announced
testing positive for HIV but has identified the infection’s vector as a
transsexual prostitute in São Paulo with whom Stagliano had
unprotected anal intercourse in 1995. He’s anxious that people
not get the wrong idea: “I am not |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: particularly interested in guys,
but I am interested in dicks. Forbidden taboos lead to all sorts of
neurotic behavior, which leads to me being fucked in the ass without a rubber.”
Are the AVN Awards possibly rigged? Max Hardcore (he of the purloined statuette, keep in mind) calls the Awards “a total conflict of
interests.” After all, he explains, Adult Video News is heavily addependent,34 and they’re under “pressure from the big hitters like
Vivid and VCA to like, you know, give the nod.” |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 34 Let us note that the slick, full-color 15th AAVNA Official Program is itself an advertiser- |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: sponsored document, its lists of categories and nominees scattered among full-page
production-company ads hyping the nominated films themselves. This doesn’t seem
beyond the pale — certainly Variety does the same sort of thing at Oscartime. Other ads
in the AAVNA Program are for things like Wet Platinum–brand lubricant —
STAYS SLICK EVEN UNDER WATER . . .
NEVER DRIES . . . WILL NOT HARM LATEX! |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: — plus several from California Exotic Novelties Corp., maker of the RAMROD Penile
Pump, of Doc Joc’s Incredible Jack-Off Device, and of the “Anne Malle Facsimile Fullsize
KNEELING DOLL”:
• KNEELING POSITION — READY TO BE TAKEN
• EXCITING ANAL PENETRATION
• RIPE LUSCIOUS SQUEEZABLE BREASTS
• VIBRATING ACTION
• BEAUTIFUL BLACK HAIR
BEND OVER and TAKE ME NOW!!! |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Whether these ads are niche-directed at industry Insiders (doubtful, although they’re
pretty much the only ones who are going to see the Programs), at retailers, or at plain old
mooks is unclear. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 37 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Ms. Ellen Thompson, AVN Associate Editor and an Awards
judge who votes under the n.d.g. Ida Slapter:35 “We’ve heard this
for years. I hear this complaining also goes on in the mainstream. I
don’t like insulting anybody, but sometimes there’s sour grapes.
What are we supposed to say? Vivid and VCA put out good product.
We truly, honestly do vote fairly.”
Mr. Dick Filth: “The best perception, backed up by tons of
anecdotal evidence, is that they are totally, totally fixed and
rigged.”
Saturday’s the big night |