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3,201 | daddit | I will always be the first person to recommend therapy. For you and your wife, and hell even together. If you've become self aware enough to recognize insecurities and egotism in your life, you are self aware enough to try therapy. If anything, it's just a neutral third party to bounce ideas off of. It's helped me a... |
3,202 | daddit | Men can suffer from post partem depression as well. It needs to be more widely addressed. It seems like you went through it as well as your wife. |
3,203 | daddit | >I was stuck just wondering how the fuck I went from wanting to have a kid to being willing to murder him in a world with no consequences. >He'll be 3 months in two days and I would fight a fucking grizzly bear for this adorable little bastard. How things change. Interesting how becoming aware of your beliefs (e.g.... |
3,204 | daddit | Listen I get that you worked through this one, but for the sake of the kid, please see a skilled counselor the moment it returns. And it will return. Kids know what is going on and if you're putting out an I hate you vibe, your kid will pick up on it and be affected for years/decades. |
3,205 | daddit | Mom here. Sorry you're getting some shit over this. I was heartbroken when I began reading your post, and I started crying when I read about your epiphany. I'm so glad that things are starting to turn around for you guys. And I think the courage it took to share a story like that is an inspiring quality in a father. I'... |
3,206 | daddit | As an avid people-watcher, I have always loved airports. There's something about travel that pushes people to their limits, so you often to get to see them act in an almost instinctual way. It brings out the struggles and flaws that people are able to hide under better circumstances. I think parenthood is sort of li... |
3,207 | daddit | There was another post somewhere on Reddit not too long ago, and it asked parents when they *really* began feeling love for their child. The responses ranged from "the first moment I laid eyes on him/her" to "when they were finally old enough to begin taking care of themselves." I was relieved to see such brutally hone... |
3,208 | daddit | I hated you for 90% of your story. Won't lie. I know that's a dick comment and doesn't help, but it's true. I loved my son the second he came out. I know I'm part of a select few. So I can't empathize or sympathize. I know that too. However... reading your self analysis and your turn around made me go from hating y... |
3,209 | daddit | [deleted] |
3,210 | daddit | Thank you for posting that. As someone who is about to have a child in the next few days, this was incredibly helpful to read. |
3,211 | daddit | Congrats on the realization. This is definitely the toughest thing about being a parent cause it's not a game you win. Believe me, when the child is running around with you outside you will be happier than ever. |
3,212 | daddit | I've got 5 kids, and I've probably cycled through every emotion known to man with them. One thing I've discovered over the years is that love isn't just a feeling, love is a choice. You can choose to love your kids even when you don't like their behavior. Those closest to us always bring out the strongest emotions, ... |
3,213 | daddit | ITT: A lot of people who have never had to deal with a particular mental hang up, but think they're qualified to make a concrete judgement on a person's character and that of their child's, rather than acknowledging this post for what it is - something to call attention to an issue many people deal with (PPD), to let t... |
3,214 | daddit | Am I the only one who loves his baby even if he is crying all the time? Am I the only one who thinks that it's normal for him to cry, poop and be annoying? I just really don't understand how somebody could think about punching his kid in the face. If I ever had that feeling I will give him in adoption because I know ... |
3,215 | daddit | Damn, I'm sorry you went thru that. I'm glad you figured things out. I was just the opposite. I was afraid I was going to have some sort of sociopathic distance but when my daughter was finally born I couldn't sleep unless she was in reach. Now my shame is that she does stupid risky shit just like daddy? |
3,216 | daddit | That's the beauty of it, they will never remember the first ~2 years of their life. As long as you're head is on straight by then you're golden. All the best to you, your son, and your wide. |
3,217 | daddit | I was getting ready to highly recommend counseling and consulting your doctor about medication. But by the end I realized I felt almost the exact same thing when my son was born, just not to the same extent. I feel so much more confident and happier these days. I'm finally getting the hang of fatherhood, and I'm with y... |
3,218 | daddit | The first year with my son was probably the best and worst year of my life. My wife had post partum, and I have a history of depression which really flared up that year. I went to a counselor, which helped, but ultimately I think it was just time getting used to and accepting that my life was radically changed. Anyways... |
3,219 | daddit | That was a fascinating read. Thanks for sharing. |
3,220 | daddit | [deleted] |
3,221 | daddit | [removed] |
3,222 | daddit | Jesus, this was a roller coaster to read. I'm glad you're in a much healthier place relative to your kid. I can't say I relate, I had nightmares where my children were hurt. I get overly emotional when I hear or see ANYTHING involving hurt or killed children (in fact, I always get down voted for daring to comment on R... |
3,223 | daddit | Man that's some solid self reflection. I'd love to hear back in a year from you in how your outlook has or hasn't changed. |
3,224 | daddit | I thought this was satire, the entire time I was reading I was waiting for some twist into some overused meme. Now that I'm fairly certain this isn't a joke, wtf. You need help. If I felt like that for 10 seconds after any of my kids were born I'd immediately know something was wrong with me and seek help. The fact tha... |
3,225 | daddit | >One night I decided I needed a bag. I'm not a regular smoker. I have been in my past. But I grew up a long time ago. Anyway, got a bag. I didn't start smoking until I was "grown up" and it honestly makes me a more relaxed, more loving, more patient dad. As long as you're not neglecting your kids or chores to do it th... |
3,226 | daddit | What is important to remember is negative feelings is VERY common during the sleep deprivation stage. I mean, in many countries, sleep deprivation is a deliberate act of torture. |
3,227 | daddit | Hey man - we all go through it to varying degrees, but Im not here to give you advice. Just want you to know we love you man! Keep that head and keep battling and know this thread is always here. for ya! |
3,228 | daddit | My son is now just over a month old. Had similar struggles… Not in so far as me having negative feelings towards him, but there are definitely new life stresses between my wife and I myself. Sleep deprivation, loss of libido, lots of alone time, intimacy, a general sense of togetherness. I feel sorry that you struggl... |
3,229 | daddit | This topic needs to be discussed openly much more often because it is so common but it's extremely taboo. My son is 6 months old and for the first three months all I wanted was my wife back to normal and our life back the way it was. Now I wouldn't trade my son for the world. |
3,230 | daddit | All of what you described it pretty much par for the course. There were definitely times, when my wife would expound about how much she loved our first, early on that I was sure she was lying. I did not think it was possible to feel that way about this thing that just up-ended my life and would not let me sleep. Tha... |
3,231 | daddit | similar to your story i started out not liking you but i changed by the end! i remember how hard it was in the beginning but i promise it gets way better and a hell of a lot of fun. |
3,232 | daddit | Glad to hear it. I didn't have any feelings for my kids when they were younger either. Now that they are 2 and 4 ... yeah, Daddy bear love and protection all kicked in too. Want a pro-tip? (Of course not, but ... ) Go buy the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. When he gets around 6-9 months that book will get... |
3,233 | daddit | After my son was born, it took me 10 days to rustle up the nerve to face the music. I was so preoccupied with learning what to do to take care of him, I never really stopped to let it sink in that I was a father. A life depended on me. I finally felt well enough to take a few pulls off the bong 10 days in. I came in ... |
3,234 | daddit | Shit man, this must've been difficult for you to write. Kudos to you, and especially for realizing you don't hate him but rather how he makes you feel. I feel a lot of men with similar feelings never go beyond that first stage: introspection is not a skill a lot of people have developed. I went through a similar phase... |
3,235 | daddit | I never went through a hate phase, but I did have to grieve the loss of my DINC (dual income no children) status. As I sit here with my 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter watching Frozen for the 3,472nd time (not really) I think you just need to........ Let it go! Ok Seriously now, I do remember, mostly with my dau... |
3,236 | daddit | Glad you figured that one out and turned the corner! |
3,237 | daddit | We just had a baby a month ago. I don't hate him but when he's crying like crazy in my face as I'm doing everything in my power to make him happy, it makes me so mad at him. It is a frustration at my inability to solve the issue so I see where you're coming from. I called him a little asshole once in the middle of th... |
3,238 | daddit | Haha protip dont call your wife wide. |
3,239 | daddit | Mom here, same feelings though. The advice that turned everything around for me was that there's a hate to love ratio. At first you may be 99% hate, 1% love, but that it switches over time. My sister would come over and ask me what my ratio was today. It was the forgiveness I needed, knowing it was normal to feel this ... |
3,240 | daddit | I had to research similar stuff when I was going through something with our newborn. I appreciate your honesty. For me it has to do with bonding. Over a year later and I'm well past bonding and onto rearing a super fun child. It also has to do with fear. I take solace in watching my wife's unconditional love and p... |
3,241 | daddit | Nice story, glad OP figured it out. Our society doesn't really get the idea that it's hard to love sometimes. You are supposed to automatically love and do everything for your kids and it's often not that simple. And we demonize people who don't say the right things "I love my kids more than myself" or some version ... |
3,242 | daddit | I don't want kids, this just cemented it. |
3,243 | daddit | At least you were honest with yourself and your situation, and you had the insight to realize where your feelings were coming from. Babies are tough and relentless. They slowly wear you down over the first few weeks and eventually break you. It gets easier though and although it generally takes longer for the dad to ma... |
3,244 | daddit | the fact that you stuck with it until you had the epiphany just proves that you really do love him and are willing to make (what seem like) big sacrifices for him. kudos to you. |
3,245 | daddit | This needs to go viral. Some of the realest dadtalk ever. |
3,246 | daddit | Nail on the head, man. We just had our second, but our first spent her first 3 months in the NICU, so this is our first real experience with a newborn. Apparently they really *suck*. It feels like he cries nonstop, and a lot of the time there's nothing I can do -- nothing either of us can do. I pick him up; he keep... |
3,247 | daddit | Fuck anyone giving you shit. You never acted on your pain and fought through it. No one can even come close to understanding what you want and have been through unless they are there. My favorite is everyone calling you names and saying you're bad though because if you were a mother they'd say it's natural, but beca... |
3,248 | daddit | As a dad of two boys, this is the first time reading about new dad hate. I can't judge as I don't understand it and it's obviously a thing. I'm glad things are getting better for you. In the hospital.when my son's were just hours old I was latched. I walked them around the hospital, sung to them. My wife and I... |
3,249 | daddit | Glad it's all working out for you OP. It takes a lot of courage to pour your heart out and say all of this and I'm sure it probably helped to get it off your chest. I really admire you for letting it all out, finding a way to make it work, and ultimately for just being there for your kid. We all deal with Parenthood in... |
3,250 | daddit | Kids are a direct hit to how we see ourselves. On top of that, the first 3-6 months can be horrible. Taking care of this little sausage that just cries while being deprived of sleep is for me a nightmare. But then, the kid start walking. And it's worst you have to follow him around for him not to kill himself and it'... |
3,251 | daddit | This was me for the first few months, just pure resentment, I couldn't do anything right and he wouldn't respond to anything and I felt like a failure. It wasn't until he started to emote and respond that I began to change and feel good, then I got severely depressed as around the one year mark his mom and him moved o... |
3,252 | daddit | I was fortunate. Before we had our daughter, I was afraid I might not love her. Once she was born, I loved her more than anything I could imagine. I did have extreme anger at times when she was crying and screaming in my face, but I was able to put her down and walk away. Sometimes I put headphones in and played video ... |
3,253 | daddit | Thanks for the insight man I'm going to be a new father in about 4-5 months and I really appreciate you story. |
3,254 | daddit | Here's 3 things I've learned since being a dad. 1. You must surrender to it completely, your old life is over, this is your new life. Accept it, surrender to it. 2. All anger at external sources is misplaced. You're not angry at your boss for making you work late, you're angry at yourself for not telling him to fuck ... |
3,255 | daddit | We all deal with our own problems when it comes to fatherhood, and I'm glad you've been able to work through such a dark place. Hopefully it can help some others that might be in a similar boat. That being said, I found this post to be extremely unsettling. The feelings you describe here are completely foreign to me, ... |
3,256 | daddit | I'm lucky I never felt like that, but I can appreciate and admire you for coming out like that. I'm sorry for the shit some people are throwing at you. Stay strong, it'll get better before you realise. |
3,257 | daddit | Duuuude...im glad I didn't stop reading |
3,258 | daddit | as a dad (he's 23 now) i want to say you. have. no. idea. what. you've done. my child is the 2nd biggest challenge of my life. i was not very reflective when he was born and it had to change. that you examined YOUR internal system and discovered the truth is *astounding* One small adjustment and *everything* began to... |
3,259 | daddit | I absolutely get this. For the first two months, my kid did nothing but frustrate the hell out of me. I didn't wanna be around him, I hated having to watch him. The whole nine. I don't like being bad at things, and I was absolutely terrible at getting him to calm down or stop crying. There were definitely some mom... |
3,260 | daddit | Dude, I can't even blame you for hating the baby stage either. It fucking sucks. For everyone. Kids get SO much better. |
3,261 | daddit | Is this actually a *thing*? By OP's text sometimes new parents hate their babies. Any logical reason why? |
3,262 | daddit | [deleted] ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.6618 84125) |
3,263 | daddit | My wife had post partum depression. Get her in to see a doc and get some meds. Holy hell it makes a world of difference. Good luck. Self realization is a powerful thing. Good on you for soul searching and finding the root cause. |
3,264 | daddit | I'm fairly sure you just taught yourself a basic lesson in CBT (cognitive brain therapy). Our feelings are tied to our perceptions and perceptions(thoughts) can be evaluated for merit and changed. Along with a change in thinking comes a change in feeling and how we behave. It doesn't just work for loathing of others it... |
3,265 | daddit | Yeah, 3 months is rough. I have 2 and 5 year old. It get easier. I think a fair about the of us feel this way. It will pass if you let it. 9 months is another hard time. The really start into everything then, too. Good luck. |
3,266 | daddit | I appreciate the honesty in this post very much. I have some friends who've gone through similar feelings and if I can help them out I'd like to and maybe being able to bring something like this up would help. It's so important that men ( Im a woman) feel validated in what they are going through. You can want a kid and... |
3,267 | daddit | Welcome to maturity. Well done. |
3,268 | daddit | At first I felt the same way. I was a new dad, and I liked her well enough, but I wasn't completely smitten. I was fortunate enough to spend 3 months home with her from 1 month to 4 months old. That helped me form a bond with my daughter, and she is a total daddy's girl now. The first few months Suck, and the ... |
3,269 | daddit | There will be more feelings of insecurity, for a long time. Moms, especially nursing moms, have a clear-cut genetic advantage as far as baby stuff. But stick with it, and before you know it, you'll start finding them: the face that makes him laugh every time, the way he likes to be bounced, his preferred swing height... |
3,270 | daddit | This is one of those things that nobody ever told me about. But, now that I've gone through it, I can't think of how to explain it to soon-to-be dads. For the first several months I regretted having a child. My wife and I fought *constantly*, which nobody told me would happen, but is apparently common. And I just had ... |
3,271 | daddit | This was some turbo clickbait, but I'm glad I read the whole thing. |
3,272 | daddit | > the wide Don't let her hear you say that... |
3,273 | daddit | I think OP has pointed out a very important facet of what masculinity is capable of and I applaud his sharing and understanding. |
3,274 | daddit | Good man, well done for posting this. |
3,275 | daddit | I can't imagine a feeling of hate like that, I love my kid so much we have the same interest and love playing games, cars, toys it's so fun and happy to me |
3,276 | daddit | > He'd cry as babies are **want** to do. as babies are _wont_ to do. |
3,277 | daddit | No matter the resolve, you shouldnt have had children. You sound like a piece of shit. And certainly sadly that will pass to your son. |
3,278 | daddit | I've been there dad. I'm glad you arrived at the right place. Just because I'm that very special sort of prick I have to do the following. Forgive me. >He'd cry as babies are want to do. In this context the word is wont, not want. https://www.google.com/search?q=define+wont&oq=define+wont&aqs=chrome..69i57.4230j0... |
3,279 | daddit | I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/bestofaltright] [being a father sucked and i hated my child so i started smoking weed and now it's all good](https://np.reddit.com/r/BestOfAltRight/comments/5k49n3/being_a_father_sucked_and_i_hated_my_child_so_i/) - [/r... |
3,280 | daddit | without beating around the bush here. GROW THE FUCK UP YOU PRICK! you have a fucking responsibility now, a life that can't sustain itself without you or its mother, and mother needs looking after too. how could you ever reach a point where you look at your child and want to punch it in the head. you fucking monster. s... |
3,281 | daddit | I would recommend a vasectomy as soon as possible. It sounds like one kid is all you will be able to deal with. That baby is now the priority in your house and if the hate comes back it could be worse. If that happens get help because that child has zero to do with how you feel but he could bear the brunt of it. |
3,282 | daddit | The wide. Hahaha |
3,283 | daddit | I never had the hate, but I was profoundly indifferent to my first boy. For that first three months or so, he was just a noisy, pooping annoyance. Then one day he laughed his first laugh. It was like a fever breaking or something. My heart instantly thawed. Seriously, it was like a cartoon, I was instantly in love with... |
3,284 | daddit | No one is an expert for their first child, it's a steep learning curve to be given this small human and tasked with keeping them alive. Example: I have a friend who is a pedriatician, she can do lots of baby stuff but didn't understand that my son was fussing because he was too hot. She checked his temperature he was ... |
3,285 | daddit | I've a crippling fear of becoming an incompetent father one day, thanks for your story. It will help a lot one day I'm sure. |
3,286 | daddit | [deleted] ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.1108 > [What is this?](https://pastebin.com/64GuVi2F/05809) |
3,287 | daddit | I tried to summarize my feelings, although I can never say I felt anything near as extreme as you. https://medium.com/@smartereveryday/the-unspoken-selfish-fear-of-fatherhood-d5fa607fe6ba#.xp56exk2b |
3,288 | daddit | Well done at dadding and also for your strength in admitting this. Similarly my wife had pnd, I had culture shock while also having a daughter who did NOT let me do a single thing without screaming and flailing. My wife is an experienced nursery nurse so compared to that I was a bumbling idiot - so overall I can compl... |
3,289 | daddit | So you're obviously early on, friend, so listen - it gets better, then when teething and sleep regressiom begins your son is going to stop sleeping again. Right now I've just finished eight straight days of going to bed at 3:30am, waking up at 5am when baby wakes up, then waking up for the day at 8am. I have never been... |
3,290 | daddit | From the moment they're born, that baby comes out and you act excited. You hand out cigars. But, you don't feel anything, especially if you had a difficult childhood. You want to love them, but you...don't. And the fact that you're faking that feeling makes you wonder if your own father had the same problem. Then one... |
3,291 | daddit | The guardéd must become guardians at some point. Children lay bare your competency level: *they ~~need~~ require you to protect and nurture them*; they have no back up plan or fall-back position -- you are it. And for the majority of humanity? instinct kicks one-or-both parents in the pants and frank self-analysis ens... |
3,292 | daddit | > I was able to look to my expert - the wide - I'm not sure the woman who just had a baby wants to be called The Wide. |
3,293 | daddit | Didn't hate any of my kids but it took a while before I started loving them so to say. Bonding takes time. |
3,294 | daddit | babies in general are unpleasant and kinda suck imo |
3,295 | daddit | [hm.](https://www.reddit.com/r/milliondollarextreme/comments/5k42ai/being_a_father_sucked_and_i_hated_my_child_so_i/dbldbik/) |
3,296 | daddit | ITT: people who are grossly unaware of their own capacity for violence and general mental derangement, given the right set of stressors and/or the right biochemical cocktail. It's a little scary... |
3,297 | daddit | Thanks for the honest and insightful post. I'm sure tons of people will read this and feel reassured by it. For anyone reading my comment, the best part about all of this is, like OP says, at about three months it gets better, and then it just keeps getting better and better. Nothing is as ridiculously heart warming a... |
3,298 | daddit | Be proud that you care, that's huge! You feel insecure because you want to be a good dad, it matters to you; and honestly, that's the only quality you need. My oldest turned 18 last week, my youngest is 7. Wanting to be good, caring about who they become, that alone makes you a quality father, all you need now is tec... |
3,299 | daddit | Dads can have post partum depression/anxiety/psychosis too. I am in no way qualified or knowledgeable enough to make a diagnosis, but it is worth talking about. Thank you for sharing, and I am happy it turned out well for you and your family. |
3,300 | daddit | Phew. That was a tough read. Keep trying man! |
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