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Explain this joke
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A: Milk and quackers! | Explanation: Bad joke, my apologies… but it made me giggle.
A cow gives milk and ducks quack– but you already knew that. So, a duck that quacks could be called a quacker in the same way that a person who robs is a robber and a person who thinks is a thinker.
“Quackers” sounds like “crackers” which go well with milk! Enjoy some crackers and milk. |
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Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them! | Explanation: Bugs– those bothersome little insects. If something “bugs you” that means that something irks you, bothers you, pesters you, annoys you, is bothersome to you, …
Frogs eat bugs, that is, insects. Therefore, frogs eat the bugs that bug them which, in turn, makes them happy. (My grandpa was happy when eating frogs – frog legs.)
A silly joke that plays with the word “bug.” |
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Q: What did one pencil say to the other pencil? A: You’re looking sharp! | Explanation: When the writing end of a pencil is pointed, we say that the pencil is sharp (the non-writing end is the eraser).
When someone is wearing nice clothes we say that the person is looking sharp; it is a phrase used most often to describe men. “Looking sharp” can also be used for someone doing something well as in this news article about a soccer player.
This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of “looking sharp.”
Here is Joe Jackson singing about looking sharp: |
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Q: Why did the picture end up in jail? A: It was framed! | Explanation: Pictures are often put into frames, the wood or metal box that goes around the picture with glass or plastic, to keep the picture safe.
“To be framed” means to be blamed for doing something that you did not do. It could be a crime and you are framed when the evidence points to you and you did not do the crime. A person who is framed can end up in jail for a crime he or she did not commit. |
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Q:Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A:She will Let It Go! | Explanation:Did you see the movie Frozen? Elsa is the main character. Her big song is “Let It Go.”
If you let go of a balloon it will float into the air and then you don’t have the balloon. So, don’t give Elsa a balloon or she will let it go!
VIDEO |
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Q:What did the farmer say when his hay started blowing away? A:Hay, come back! | Explanation:Hay is grass that has been cut, dried, and stored for use as animal food, especially for cattle, horses, goats, and sheep.
“Hey” is a word used to get someone’s attention such as when someone says, “Hey, you guys!” or “Hey there!”
This joke is funny because it uses “hay” instead of “hey” when calling the hay to come back. “Hey” is also used in the Beatle’s song “Hey Jude.
VIDEO |
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Q:What’s the best place to shop for a soccer shirt? A:New Jersey! | Explanation:Quite simply, the shirt that soccer players wear is called a jersey. New Jersey is one of the 50 United States. If you want to buy a new shirt, you want to buy a new jersey. Where else? In New Jersey!
VIDEO |
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Q: Why do soccer players do so well in math? A: They know how to use their heads! | Explanation:To ”use your head” means to think. People who do well in math use their heads when they think and solve math problems.
Soccer players also use their heads when they “head” the ball. Yes, in English, the word “head” can also be used as a verb.
This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of “use your head.”
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Happy birthday, friend!! |
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Q:Where do sick boats go to get healthy? A:To the dock! | Explanation:A dock is a walk-way that extends from the land into the water. Boats can be tied to the dock so they do not float away.
Doc (sounds like dock) is a word used for doctor, medical doctor.
This joke plays on the word dock/doc because boats go to the dock but they can’t go to the doc.
“Doc” is also used in a phrase by Bugs Bunny: “What’s up doc?”
VIDEO |
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Q: Why did the raisin go out with the prune? A: He couldn’t get a date! | Explanation: Raisins are dried grapes. Prunes are dried plums. Dates are just dates. All three are fruits.
In this joke “to go out with” means to date someone, that is, to begin a romantic relationship. Couples might go out on a date to a movie or go out for dinner on a date. (Date also means the day, month and year: today’s date is Sunday, January 11, 2015… English can be confusing.) |
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Q:What do Santa’s elves do after school? A:Their gnomework! | Explanation:Gnome rhymes with home. After school most students do homework; elves do “gnomework.” This is funny because elves and gnomes are both magical creatures and because of the rhyme.
If they do their gnomework they will get smarter; hard work = more smarts! |
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Q: What is the best Christmas present ever? A: A broken drum- you can’t beat it! | Explanation: Merry Christmas and feliz navidad!
Christmas is celebrated by Christians on December 25; it celebrates the birth of Jesus. In order to commemorate that day many people give gifts just as the magi gave presents to the baby Jesus. (Comments about the way the holiday has been commercialized will not be addressed here.)
Children may be given a toy drum as a gift for Christmas. Of course if the drum is broken you cannot play it; to play a drum is to beat a drum. Therefore, a broken drum cannot be beaten. |
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Q: What is the best way to communicate with a fish? A: Drop it a line! | Explanation: When you go fishing you drop a line in the water to catch a fish. To “drop someone a line” means to send a short letter, send a note. I suppose now it could even mean to send someone a text message (I never did learn the difference between a text message and an SMS).
This joke plays on the double meaning of “drop a line.” |
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Q: What do you call a pig that is no fun to be around? A: A boar! | Explanation: A boring pig, that is. There are several names for swine in English including pig, hog and boar. And then when we eat pig it can be called bacon, ham, pork chop, … Who knew the pig produced so much vocabulary?!?! |
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Q:What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? A:Rough, rough! | Explanation:Another wonderful, classic dog joke! Sandpaper is rough, it is used to make things smooth. In English, when a dog barks it says, “Ruff.” This joke is funny because it plays with two words that sound the same, ruff and rough.
Rough, by the way, can also mean difficult: I had a rough day. |
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Q:Where did the spaghetti and the sauce go to dance? A:The meatball! | Explanation:I love spaghetti! Grandma used to make the best spaghetti and meatballs. A meat ball is a ball of meat, often found on top of spaghetti. A “ball” can also be a dance (see the Cinderella joke). This joke plays with the word ball/meatball and is kind of, sort of funny. Thanks Daniel! |
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Q: Where did the baseball keep its lemonade? A: In the pitcher! | Explanation: It is the end of summer, the end days of baseball and lemonade. School starts tomorrow (and as a teacher I love that!).
The word pitcher has two meanings: a pitcher is a container used to serve drinks; a pitcher is the person on the baseball team who throws the ball toward the bater at home plate (isn’t Mo’ne Davis amazing!). This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of the word pitcher. |
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Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match! | Explanation: I love soccer so, another soccer joke (I could have said football or fútbol).
A “soccer match” is a soccer game. A match is a contest between two teams. A match is also a small stick that is used to start a fire. (And this reminds me of the story To Build a Fire by Jack London, and The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Anderson. Good stories!)
This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word “match.” |
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Q:Why are pigs so bad at soccer? A:They are always hogging the ball! | Explanation:To “hog the ball” means to keep the ball to yourself and not pass the ball. A good soccer player looks to his or her teammates to see who has the best chance to advance the ball toward the goal; a good soccer player does not hog the ball.
This joke is funny because another word for a pig is a hog |
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Q: What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? A: Shall we prey! | Explanation: Many people pray before dinner; they say words of thanks to their god, spirit or higher being. Prey (with an ‘e’ not an ‘a’) is the animal that is being hunted by another animal. |
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Q:How are fish and music the same? A:They both have scales! | Explanation:Fish scales are the outer part, the skin, of a fish. Musical scales are a series of notes that go up or down (there are many types of musical scales). This joke plays on the double meaning of the word “scale.”
There is a third meaning- a scale that weighs something like a bathroom scale. |
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Q:Why do flamingos stand on one leg? A:If they lifted the other leg they would fall over! | Explanation:Not what you expected? Of course not! That’s why this joke is funny.
Upon asking the question one expects an answer, an explanation. In this case one expects an answer that tells why flamingos stand on one leg. This joke is funny because it focuses on the other leg… and that is unexpected.
¡Saludos a Cesar! |
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Q: Why was the tree excited about the future? A: It was ready to turn over a new leaf! | Explanation: “To turn over a new leaf” means to start anew, to start again, fresh. Someone who has had problems might turn over a new leaf and begin again (study more, learn something new, stop a bad habit, start a new good habit such as exercising, …).
A tree has many leaves (one leaf, two leaves). Do the leaves turn over? Not really but maybe before a storm. |
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Q: Why was the baseball player a bad sport? A: He stole third base and then went home! | Explanation: To be a bad sport is to not play nicely or to not play fairly. In baseball when you “steal a base” you do to actually steal the base, you do not take something that does not belong to you without permission or without paying; when you “steal a base” you advance to the next base with out being stopped by the opposing team. In baseball when you “go home” you you do not go to the place where you live; when you “go home” you return to home plate where you started out, batting, and you score a run. |
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Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver! | Explanation: To “drive someone away” means to repel them, to force them to go away from you. This phrase is used to describe a battle (6th paragraph) in a war when it is said, for example, “The attacking army was driven away by the defending army.” |
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Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert? A: Pi! | Explanation: “Dessert” (with 2 s) is a sweet treat after a meal; “desert” (with 1 s) is an area of the earth that gets little or no rain. An easy way to remember: people always want more dessert and it has more of the letter s. One type of dessert is pie; I especially like blueberry pie.
Pi is a math number that helps us understand circles. (It is also the name of the main character in The Life of Pi.) |
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Q:How do you make an orange giggle? A:Tickle its navel! | Explanation:Oranges are a delicious fruit. One type of orange is the navel orange. Navel is also a word used for your belly button. If someone tickles your belly button, it might make you giggle.
This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of the word navel- a type of orange and a belly button. And if you want to giggle at an orange you could watch an “Annoying Orange” video. |
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Q: What kind of candy is never on time? A: Chocolate! | Explanation: Candy! That sweet treat, usually made with lots of sugar. Chocolate is one type of candy. The last part of the word “chocolate” is “late.” If you are late, you are not on time. This joke is funny because it plays with just a part of the word chocolate, the late part.
About being late: Someone once told me, “If you are not 15 minutes early, you are late.” That is good advice in the United States. In Chile, I once went to a party two hours late and I was the first one there!
By the way, I love chocolate! Especially chocolate from La Iberica in Arequipa, Peru. |
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Q: Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? A: All the fans left! | Explanation: At a baseball game, the fans are the people who are watching the game. The fans leave the stadium when the game is over. Baseball games are played at a stadium. A fan is also a small (or large) machine that has a part that spins to move air. If there are no fans (that move air) at a stadium the stadium could get hot.
This joke plays on the double meaning of the word fan- and that is why it is funny! |
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Q: What did the paper say to the pencil? A: You’ve got a good point! | Explanation: Pencils are used for writing. When the lead (now it is made of graphite) is sharp it is pointy, it has a point.
When someone says, “You have a good point,” it means that you have a good idea; the thoughts that you added to the conversation gave it something new. |
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Q:What is the best food to eat when you are scared? A:I scream! | Explanation:People scream when they are scared, I mean, really scared. When was the last time you were really scared? Hopefully it was for something fun like a roller coaster and not for something terrible like a car accident or an earthquake.
“I scream” sounds like “ice cream” and that is what makes this joke funny. Maybe a dish of vanilla ice cream would go well with a Hitchcock film tonight. |
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Q:What is the craziest way to travel? A:Loco-motive! | Explanation:A sort-of bilingual joke! ¡Que bueno! The Spanish word “loco” means “crazy” in English. A locomotive is a train. Therefore, a loco-motive is a crazy-travel machine. But just in this joke- I actually like to travel by train. |
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Q: Why didn’t the string ever win a race? A: It always tied! | Explanation: A string is many long pieces of thread together. Shoelaces are also a type of string. Of course you can tie a string in a knot. So, a string can be tied.
“To be tied” or “to tie” can also mean that no one is winning a game, that the score is the same. It is like in a World Cup Soccer game when the game is tied 1- 1 (sure would be fun to go to Brazil this year, but that has nothing to do with this joke!). |
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Q: What did the math book say to the psychologist? A: “Would you like to hear my problems?” | Explanation: A math book has problems, many math problems. The purpose of a math book is to teach you how to think like a mathematician and to solve math problems.
A psychologist can help you with problems with feelings or behaviors; a psychologist cannot help you with math problems. |
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Q:Why did the hamburger always lose the race? A:It could never ketchup! | Explanation:Ketchup is a thick liquid made from tomatoes; Ketchup is made from tomatoes. Many people put ketchup on their hamburgers. To “catch up” means to get to the same place as the person who is ahead of you.
“Ketchup” sounds like “catch up” and if you can’t catch up you can’t win the race! Silly joke! |
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Q: Why was the sewing machine so funny? A: It kept everyone in stitches! | Explanation: A sewing machine is used to make shirts, pants and anything made of fabric that needs to be sewn. When the sewing machine does its work, it makes stitches that hold two pieces of fabric together. To “keep someone in stitches” means to keep someone laughing. |
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Q: Why can’t the bank keep a secret? A: It has too many tellers! | Explanation: When you go to a bank, the person who helps you deposit (put in) or withdraw (take out) money is called a teller. When you share a secret, you tell a secret. The -er ending on some nouns make that noun into the person who does that thing:
work-worker;
play-player;
make- maker;
tell-teller. |
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Q:What did the bread say back to the peanut butter? A:I think you’re nuts! | Explanation:Peanut butter is made of peanuts, a type of nuts. To be nuts means to be crazy.
This joke plays with the word nut. |
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Q: What did the peanut butter say to the bread? A: Quit loafing around! | Explanation: When you grind up peanuts, you get peanut butter. Bread that you buy at the grocery store, in the United States, mostly comes in a loaf; it is called a loaf of bread. Loafing around means to be lazy and not do anything.
This joke is funny for a few reasons: first, it is funny because the peanut butter is talking; second, it is funny because the peanut butter is telling the bread, a loaf of bread, to stop loafing around, stop just sitting there. This joke is playing with the word loaf. |
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Q:What is a plumber’s favorite food? A:A leek! | Explanation:A plumber is a person who fixes water pipes if they are clogged or are dripping; that is, if they have a leak.
A leek (two e’s) is a vegetable a lot like a green onion. A leak (one e, one a) is what happens to the water pipes when water drips out.
This joke plays with the word leek/ leak and that is what makes it funny. |
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Person 1: Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Person 2: No, what can you tell me about it? | Person 1: It has great food but no atmosphere!
Explanation: A restaurant is a place to eat. Usually in a restaurant someone asks you what you want to eat and then serves you your food; then you pay for the food. To some people the food is the most important (if not the only) part that matters. To other people, the atmosphere of the restaurant matters. The atmosphere of a restaurant is the way it looks, the way it sounds, the way it smells; it is the way you feel when you are there- much more than just the taste of the food.
The moon, of course, has no atmosphere. When we talk about the atmosphere of the moon we are talking about the layer of gasses that surround a planet or a moon. The moon has no atmosphere; the earth has an atmosphere- that is why we can breathe. |
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Q: Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? A: She was on a crash diet! | Explanation: A crash diet is a diet where a person loses a lot of weight in a short amount of time: lose weight fast. A helmet is protection for your head when you are playing a sport or working. |
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This political cartoon/ editorial cartoon shows Minnesota winning its bid to host the Superbowl in 2018. The man with the red shirt is Zigy Wilf, the owner (well, part owner) of the Minnesota Vikings. It is funny because he is pictured in shorts which would never be worn in Minnesota in February when the average high temperature is the 20’s F. This cartoon combines the news about global warming and the Superbowl bid. Thank you for the suggestion to explain an editorial cartoon, on occasion. | (click here to view)
Indianapolis Star |
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Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A: A stick! | Explanation: That’s just silly! A boomerang is currently used as a toy but according to some histories it was/ is used for hunting. Originally it was made of wood but now can be made of plastic or other material. |
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Q: How did the karate teacher greet his students? A: “Hi-Yah!” | Explanation: To greet someone is to say, “hello” (or something similar) when you meet him or her. The words “Hi-Yay” are a common sound when doing karate. Saying “hi” is also a common way of greeting people. |
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Q:Why is spaghetti the smartest food? A:It always uses its noodle! | Explanation:Yum! Spaghetti! To “use your noodle” is to use your brain, that is, to think. Spaghetti is a type of noodle.
This joke plays with the word noodle, both your brain and the pasta. Now I’m hungry and off to the kitchen I go! |
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Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor? A: Don’t worry, it was just a stage he was going through! | Explanation: Actors are the people who perform in a theater play or are on TV. The place where actors act is called the stage. So, if an actor falls through the floor he or she is falling through the stage.
To “go through a stage” means to go through a step in a a life process. There are many stages of physical and psychological development (e.g. Piaget, Erikson), stages of grief, … |
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Q: What is an alien’s favorite candy? A: A Mars bar! | Explanation: An alien is a being from outer space, perhaps like E.T. And you already know what candy is. You might not know what a Mars bar is, though. A Mars bar is a candy bar made by the Mars company. Yum! Mars is also the name of the 4th planet from the sun (we are on the 3rd planet, Earth!). |
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Q: How much did the butcher charge for his venison? A: A buck! | |
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Q:Why couldn’t the monster go to sleep? A:It was afraid there were children under the bed! | Explanation:This joke plays on a common fear of children that there is a monster under the bed- it turns that fear around by having the monster afraid that there are children under the bed.
Listen here for some scary stories. |
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Q:Why did the ninja go to the doctor? A:He had kung-flu! | Explanation:Kung-fu is a Chinese martial arts style of fighting. It is also the name of an old TV show, yes, Grasshopper. The flu (influenza) is a contagious respiratory illness caused by a virus. This joke plays on the similarity between “flu” and “fu.” |
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Q:When does your dinner never get hot? A:When it is chili! | Explanation:Chili is a type of food (and the name of a restaurant). Chilly means cold. Chile is the name of a country. This joke plays on the words chili (the food) and chilly (not hot).
It is still chilly here in Minnesota! Maybe I’ll make some chili! |
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Q:Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle? A:Too many cheetahs! | Explanation:Cheetahs are large cats. The word “cheetah” sounds like the word “cheater,” a person who does not play by the rules; a person who cheats. It is really hard to play cards with a cheater! |
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Q:What goes, “Oom, oom?” A:A backwards cow! | Explanation:Silly joke alert! In English, cows say, “Moo!” So if the cow is backwards is says, “Oom” which is “moo” written backwards. It is a good joke for a giggle! |
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Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? A: Someday my prints will come! | Explanation: The phrase would be, “Some day my prince will come.” Cinderella is waiting for her prince charming to sweep her off her feet. If she sent in some pictures to be developed she would wait for her prints to be printed, her pictures to be printed on paper. |
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Q:What do you call cheese that is not yours? A:Nacho cheese! | Explanation:“Nacho cheese” sounds like “not your cheese” if you say it fast. And as far as I know, there is not really a cheese called “nacho cheese” but there is cheese that you put on tortilla chips to make nachos. Yum!! |
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Q: How did Ben Franklin feel about discovering electricity? A: He was shocked! | |
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Knock knock! Who’s there? | Queen
Queen who?
Queen yourself, I can smell you through the door.
Explanation: This knock-knock joke comes from GRIN:) at http://goodriddlesnow.com/jokes/by/knock-knock-jokes. |
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Q: Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? A: If it was, then it would be a foot! | |
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Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue! | Explanation: A catalogue is magazine that shows things that someone can buy; you might see a clothing catalogue, an electronics catalogue, … You can see images from a 1945 Sears catalogue here. And from a 1980’s Sears catalogue here.
Of course “catalogue” begins with “cat” and that is what makes this joke funny. |
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Q: Why couldn’t the 12 year-old go to the pirate movie? A: It was rated arrrrrgh! | A: It was rated arrrrrgh!
Explanation: In the U. S. there is a system of rating movies:
Rated G= appropriate for all audiences (general public);
Rated PG= Parental Guidance suggested- some material not appropriate for children;
PG 13= Parents Strongly Cautioned- some material may be inappropriate for children under 13;
Rated R= Restricted- children under 17 require accompanying parent or guardian.
Rated G= appropriate for all audiences (general public);
Rated PG= Parental Guidance suggested- some material not appropriate for children;
PG 13= Parents Strongly Cautioned- some material may be inappropriate for children under 13;
Rated R= Restricted- children under 17 require accompanying parent or guardian. |
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Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? A: He had no body to dance with! | |
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Q: Why did the lady sing lullabies to her purse? A: She wanted a sleeping bag! | |
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Q: How does an Eskimo child fix his toys? A: With igloo! | Explanation: First of all, the term Eskimo is no longer used and is considered negative, pejorative, even racist. The two main groups who live in the northern regions by the arctic circle are the Yupik and Inuit. When naming groups of people let’s ask people what is the best name for them; people have the right to identify themselves. |
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Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A: A basket case! | Explanation: Picnics are relaxed, outdoor meals, often eaten on a blanket or a picnic table. When you go on a picnic you take a picnic basket– a basket that has the food and plates and everything you need for the picnic. |
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Q: Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously? A: They’re always full of hot air! | |
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Q: Why did Michael’s grades drop after the holidays? A: Because everything was marked down! | Explanation: The holidays refers to the time of the year between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. It is a time when lots of people by many gifts for various occasions (remember, these jokes mostly come from the United States and therefore reflect its humor and some of its customs). After the holidays stores have sales to get rid of merchandise that did not sell before the holidays; when an item is “on sale” the prices are “marked down.” |
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Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? A: He got 12 months! | |
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Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? A: They both drop their needles! | |
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Q:How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? A:Deep and crisp and even! | Explanation: “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen. When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.”
This is a well known Christmas Carol but that last part sounds kind of like a pizza order- deep dish, crispy crust, evenly baked. Me? I’d add some pepperoni and it’d be perfect! |
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Q:What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A:Frosted Flakes! | Explanation:Frost is frozen water vapor on a surface; it is kind of in between ice and snow. Snowmen are made of snow, which is kind of like frost. Frosted Flakes are a common breakfast cereal. Can you imagine a snowman eating cereal? I like snowmen jokes at this time of year.
Eat Well! |
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Q:What does Tarzan sing on Christmas? A:Jungle Bells! | Explanation:“Jungle Bells” is an invented song name that reminds the listener of the song “Jingle Bells.” |
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Q:How many presents can Santa fit in his empty sack? A:Only one. After that it is not empty anymore! | Explanation:The old empty sack trick! This joke plays on the understanding of the words “empty” and “how many.” The listener expects the answer to be a number, not an explanation. But it is true- if there is one gift in the sack it is no longer empty. |
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Q: What did Mary Poppins want for Christmas? A: Supercalifragilisticexpialisnowshoes! | Explanation: Did you see the “snow shoes” part at the end of that word? This joke plays on the title of the song from Mary Poppins, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. You can watch a video of the song on the previous link. And there is a new movie about the making of Mary Poppins. Anyway, I think snow shoes would be a great gift. |
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Q:How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A:Nothing. It was on the house! | Explanation:If something is “on the house” it means it is free. Often you will hear the expression in a movie, “Drinks are on the house!” That means that the bartender or the owner of the restaurant will pay for the beverages. In this case the sleigh is literally on the house. That’s what makes the joke funny. |
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Q:What do you call an old snowman? A:Water! | Explanation:Snowmen do not last very long because eventually they melt. When a snowman melts he becomes water. This joke is funny because the listener is expecting a name, not water. You can watch the cartoon version of Frosty the Snowman here. |
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Q:Who says, “Oh, oh, oh!”? A:Santa Claus walking backwards! | Explanation:Santa is known for saying, “Ho, ho ho!” as he laughs. If you write “ho, ho, ho” backwards you get “oh, oh, oh.” Silly, silly silly! |
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Q:What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol? A:Silent Night. | Explanation:Christmas carols are the songs sung at Christmas time. Moms and dads enjoy a night that is quiet once in a while. Silent Night is the name of a Christmas carol and a silent night for parents means that the children are asleep. “All is calm.” |
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Q:What happened to the beans when they showed up late to work? A:They got canned! | Explanation:“To get canned” means to get fired, to lose your job. Beans, when they are not fresh, come in cans (or are frozen). Beans are canned when they are put into cans… but these beans were late to work so they got fired, they got canned! This joke is funny because it plays with the idea of getting canned. |
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Q: Why did the students eat their homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake! | Explanation: “It’s a piece of cake” means that something is really easy.
Imagine a conversation between a teacher and a student: “What is 2 + 2 ?”
“Oh, that’s a piece of cake! It’s 4!” |
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Q: What did the computer say when it fell into the quicksand? A: “Help me! I’m syncing!” | |
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Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? A: He was feeling really crumbie! | Explanation: Crumbs are the little pieces of cookie or bread that fall to the table as you eat; the “b” in the word crumb is silent so it sounds like “crum.” |
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Q:What is a cat’s favorite color? A:Purr-ple | Explanation:Purple, that is! You see, the rumble noise that cats make under their chin when they are happy is called a purr. Cats meow and purr. This joke is funny because it plays on the “pur” part of purple. Rrrrrrrr! |
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Q: How do you keep someone in suspense? A: I’ll tell you tomorrow! | |
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Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her wand? A: Toothpaste! | |
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Q: Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? A: All the sailors were marooned! | |
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Q:What did the sock say to the foot? A:“Shoe!” | Explanation:Or did the sock say, “Shoo!” “Shoo” means go away, scram, get out of here as in the song “Shoo Fly, Don’t Bother Me.” Shoe, obviously, is what you put on your foot (after you put on your sock). Was the sock pointing out that the shoe was coming closer?
This joke is silly and doesn’t make much sense but it does make me giggle. |
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Q: Why was the nose feeling sad? A: It was tired of getting picked on! | Explanation: When you “pick your nose” you stick your finger in your nose and, well, remove whatever is in there. “To be picked on” means that someone is bothering you, bullying you: The older kid picked on the younger kid by pushing him every time they saw each other.
This joke plays with the words “pick” and “nose” and the double understanding there. It is funny because the nose is being picked on, not being picked. |
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Q:Why does Santa have a garden? A:So he can hoe, hoe, hoe! | Explanation:When Santa laughs he says, “Ho, ho ho!” When you work in a garden sometimes you use a hoe (a tool with a long handle and a flat piece of metal on the end that is perpendicular to the long handle). This joke is funny because it changes “ho, ho, ho” for “hoe, hoe, hoe.” |
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Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll! | Explanation: When you go to vote for a candidate, the place that you go is called the poll. Last year my polling place changed from a school to a nursing home; every year, though, I go to the poll to vote.
Polar bears live near the north pole, way up north in the Arctic circle (I could talk about the decrease in the population of polar bears but I won’t). This joke is funny because of the play on words with poll and pole. |
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Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? A: I think I’m coming down with something! | |
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Q: How do you reach a book in an emergency? A: Call its pager! | Explanation: A pager or a beeper is a small electronic device (not used much anymore because so many people have cell phones) that beeps or vibrates and shows the telephone number of the caller or a message from the caller. They are often used in hospitals or other locations where it is important to contact someone and do so with minimal interference. |
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Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Cuatro sinko! | Explanation: Ah, yes! A bad bilingual joke. Bullfighters are often found in Spanish speaking countries. The number four in Spanish is “cuatro.” If you are in quicksand you are probably sinking down into the sand. |
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Q: Why did Tomás throw the clock out the window? A: He wanted to see time fly! | Explanation: “Time flies” means that time seems to pass quickly as in the expression, “time flies when you are having fun.” Of course if you throw a clock then the clock, which shows the time, is flying. This joke plays with the words “time flies,” both the figurative meaning and the literal meaning. |
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Knock, knock! Who’s There? | Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is stuck and it won’t open! |
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Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry? A: They are always stuffed! | Explanation: After you finish eating you could say, “I am full” or you might say, “I’m stuffed.” Both expressions mean the same thing: you have eaten enough and you do not need to eat any more.
If you were to open a teddy bear you would find “stuffing” inside. Stuffing is the material that makes the bear soft and cuddly. Teddy bears are also known as “stuffed animals,” that is, toy animals that are soft and are full of stuffing. |
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Q:What did the baker say when he found his lost dough? A:“That’s just what I kneaded!” | Explanation:“To knead dough” is to push and pull it; that is what you do to the dough before you let it rise. “To knead” sounds just like “to need.” This joke plays on these phrases that sound the same. Do you knead more of an explanation? No, but you might need more of an explanation. |
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Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it’s over your head! | Explanation: “Over your head” can have two different meanings: 1) something is literally above you; 2) something is too hard for you to understand. For example: 1) the ceiling of the room I am in is over my head and keeps the snow off my shoulders; 2) Quantum physics is “over my head” because I do not understand it. |
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Q: When is a baby good at basketball? A: When it’s dribbling! | Explanation: “To dribble” the basketball means to bounce the ball as you walk or run down the basketball court. “To dribble” is also to let saliva drop from your mouth. Babies often dribble, that is, they drool, they let saliva or food or milk come out of their mouths. |
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Q: Why do scientists think humming birds hum? A: Because they can’t remember the words! | Explanation: “To hum” can be to sing, “la, la, la” when you don’t know the words to a song or keep your lips together and make the notes of a song. This joke is funny because hummingbirds don’t really hum; they chirp. They’re birds! I wonder why they can’t remember the words? |