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cypsiSAS

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Anxiety

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cypsi_SAS 5

Why is this so difficult First of all happy new years.... This is actually my first post on reddit and I honestly have no idea how to work this. But to start of this post, I'm tired of fighting everyday just to get up... I'm tired of being told to let go of the past and pretty much pretend nothing has happened and that I've forgiven all parties involved... I'm tired of pretending I'm okay, that I'm happy when I'm really not..... I'm tired of not being able to take responsibility of my own emotions, which allowed to me to fall into this state of mind...... I'm tired of wanting to die... I just want to be happy, but I can't. I don't know why I can't be happy. I just came out as gay, have a loving family, and I also have a long term boyfriend, but I can't be happy. Every little thing makes me sad and go into a downward spiral of terrible thoughts. It's been like this since my early child hood years.. I'm trying so hard to fight and win, for the sake of not burdening my loving family, but its just so hard. I'm currently imploding and slowly pushing everyone away, just so I could feel at peace doing it. But I want to live.... But living is just so hard. I have so many feelings, but it is just too much. I don't know why I think killing myself is the best option. I just want to be happy. I want to be thankful towards my family for being so supportive, but right now I just loathe them, since I want to be as distant towards them to escape and be happy. I'm sorry if the formatting is terrible, but I'm just not feeling well. Also for the second year in the row, I'm backed up in the national suicide chat and I'm too scared to call... I just don't have the strength or courage to do anything right lol

What might a person say to express their medical anxiety?

this hurts and keeps repeating I keep going in the same mental loop. I'm depressed, then suicidal, then I indulge in hope over something I'm used to accepting won't come true, I feel comforted, loved, safe, and then I accept it is not real, and then I feel depressed again, and an inch closer to suicide. My therapist says that I am choosing to not leave this cycle. I have tried. For many years. And this time it just feels stamped into my mind, and like, I can't change it, no matter how I try. I put up mental barriers, I forbid myself from giving in, I remind myself that it is a downward spiral, and sometimes this works. But not always. Sometimes something random triggers me into having hope. And then I fall back in again. I don't know how, and just, simple statements and decisions and acceptances don't work. They are as meaningless as gibberish to me. They don't affect my feelings. Even realizing that it just gets worse, every cycle, for diminishing returns on feeling slightly better. Otherwise, I feel, I don't know. empty. sad. without hope. unable to connect to anyone actually in my life. lacking the ability to keep my mind in the present, and not on the imaginary. I feel so broken, and I feel like fixing this would either require abrupt, intense pain - or just, so much more energy than I have left in me, that, when I'm at a low, I just want to try to die. I can't stand it, and the general advice I get is to just choose to change. I've tried. It either hurts too much or takes too much out of me. I'm stuck sinking in misery. A family member just came by, to ask me to spend time with them. I hate myself sometimes. I feel so sad. I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I'm just not mentally here with my family. My emotions are stuck in the past, and I just, I can't move on. I can't accept. I can't even begin to try without instantly wishing for death. My mind is just cemented into this pattern. I can't fix it and I can't expect anyone or anything to fix it for me, anything or anyone to help. I feel like I die more and more every day. And it hurts. In ways I just, can't express. Can't communicate. Can't find peace or acceptance with. This sensation, this whole pattern, over and over and over, makes me want to commit suicide. It makes me feel like that is my only choice I can make to actually free myself from this pain. And I feel like a terrible person for choosing that. For not wanting to feel like this anymore. I don't know. I keep coming on here just to vent to someone that doesn't know me enough to be hurt by my death. I just want someone to talk to until I decide when and how I'll die. I'm so lonely on top of all these feelings, and they are so taboo that I don't have anyone to let them out to in entirety, without being further hurt in order to protect me momentarily from myself. I just wind up making tiny choices instead, that put me at greater risk to die. Maybe that's a dramatic way of saying I pick unhealthy things to do. When I pick those things I do think 'I hope this kills me'. Now I just hope I find something to kill me quickly. Dying slowly alone is miserable and awful and terribly lonely. It is excruciatingly painful. I just don't want to be alone anymore, even if only for a few more days. Thanks.

Can you provide an example of a sentence that someone with medical anxiety might say?

There’s always an age. 16 just feels too young. Sure, I’ve heard how “it’ll get better later!” And “college will be way different.” I just don’t see me getting past high school. In school I have a 4.0 taking AP classes. I do many extracurriculars however lately they haven’t been as interesting. I just feel tired everyday. This has also taken a physical toll where my friends ask me everyday, either over text or in person if I’m okay. I just shrug it off with a joke and laugh but inside I’m slowly cracking. Some of my close friends are really concerned. I’m trying to hide it as much as I can because the last thing I need right now is a counselor/counseling. This has gotten worse over the course of 3 weeks and it shows. There are no words for this type of pain and I just want to go. I have an excellent family that cares however it’s soo hard to connect with them and the only real bond is with my younger sister who won’t even truly remember me. I just don’t know how to function.

How might someone express their feelings of medical anxiety verbally?

I’m sure I’ll stop posting here one day My post was going to be way too long and it’s kinda sad that even when I want to die, social pressure makes me go bad and edit my “last words”. I’ll make this short. I’m sorry if you’re reading this because I know you’re probably hurting or know how it feels. I’m sorry for always apologizing when I really don’t need to. I’m sorry for always coming back here. I’m sorry for falling in love, countless of times, and with every time being more disappointing and hurtful than the last. I’m sorry for not taking school seriously enough. I’m sorry for being selfish and wanting to put my own problems over other’s. I’m sorry for not knowing what to do next. I’m sorry for choosing incorrectly. My life seems to be filled with endless confusion and uncertainty, but I am sure about this one thing: I don’t want to keep going with it.

Can you give a quote that represents medical anxiety?

Wish i was never born Something recently happened in my life that did make me feel suicidal, but I don't want anyone to feel like I do. I really wish that there was a button to just erase myself and memories of me from existence. I thought about kind of just getting on a plane and never tell anyone where I am for the rest of my life, whatever that would be. Idk I just wanted to share my feelings on here is all, not really expecting much of replies.

Can you provide a sentence that shows someone is anxious about their health?

blacked out, missed my favorite artist, lost airpods feeling really low all i want to do is drink until i don't wake up. dont even know if she played my favorite song. i have a huge bruise on my hip i have no idea where it came from. I'm just done. i'm so tired of living. all i want to do is drink

What is an example of a statement from a person with medical anxiety?

20 Wondering What to do I'm currently living in WA with my partner and... 2020 has been the worst year of my life. I lost family to Corona, I've lost all my motivation to do anything, my partner has said he's considering breaking up, nothing has gone right. I want to be iver, I want all of this to be done with. I can't tell my boyfriend how I'm feeling because he said he can't deal with me right now and I respect his needs but... What should I do...? I want to die but, killing myself seems like too much effort. Everything does...

What is a common sentence said by someone with medical anxiety?

I think I might be suicidal but I’m scared I’ll be put in a mental hospital if I tell anyone. so. i’ve had a really hard month. my ptsd is taking over my life and i can’t go to class without having panic attacks and i’ve lost all my friends and i just feel so horribly sad that i want to die but i don’t think i actually want to die, like. i have a huge fear of death. i would never be able to go through with anything. life is just so exhausting right now and i don’t know what to do. but my therapist told my mom that if i’m having suicidal ideation she needs to call 911 immediately. heres the thing. im in high school. im terrified of being admitted to a hospital and missing class and falling behind. i just got into college - what if they rescind my acceptance for too many absences? what if i cant graduate on time? what will my classmates think? what will my teachers think? i feel so so so alone and scared and completely out of options. please help.

How might a person express their medical anxiety in a statement?

Need to help a friend My friend broke up with her boyfriend who is also one of my best friends, she knows she caused the breakup and feels terrible constantly. She knows she won't be able to get back with him and doesn't see any reason to live. She's tried to overdose on painkillers and alcohol multiple times including today and has been stopped halfway through each time. She's been to the doctors to get and get help but the mental health services where we live are swamped and can't see her as often as she probably needs to be seen. What can I do to help, today to stop I had to use a way of talking her down I'd rather never use again but I don't know how to help, I've read the resource guide in the community details and just want to know if there's any one else who's been in a similar situation to me who can advise me with what to say to try to help. Thanks in advance to anyone with and advice

What is a common sentence said by someone with medical anxiety?

What can I do to stop from ending it tonight? I want to fight it with everything I can but my mind is all fucked up. It’s been a real rough day and I’m on the edge, but I don’t want to die, I just need help getting through the night. Anything at all.

What is a typical sentence said by someone experiencing medical anxiety?

I’m looking for three signs I told myself that in a single day if I found three sign to kill myself I’ll do it. I’ve found one today, I’m just looking fir two more. I just want to end it. I’m so tired. I think my teacher knows, because everyday she asks me I’m doing okay. Every day I tell her the same thing, I’m tired. And that’s not a lie, I’m so tired. I sleep all day, all night, and I’m still tired. I just want to end it so I can sleep forever. I’m so tired of people not caring about me and me not caring about them. I’m so tired of being wrong. I’m so tired of everything. I don’t think I’m depressed funny enough though, I’m just tired. I’m not afraid of death. I’m just waiting for two more signs.

What is a sentence that reflects the thoughts of someone with medical anxiety?

I don’t want to live anymore. I’m tired. My girlfriend is leaving me. I get too emotional and get aggressive, and though I would never abuse her or best her or anything like that, I make her feel like shit. She’s hurt me so much during the relationship that now I guess I feel like she deserves to feel the same pain I do, and so whenever a fight comes up, and spirals out of control, I hurt her, just trying to get her to realize how she’s hurt me. I don’t feel like she cares about me. I don’t feel like I really matter to her. If I’m being honest, I guess I test her to see if she cares. I told her I wanted to die tonight, and she got mad at me and went off about how selfish I was for saying that and how I don’t even consider how that would make her feel, and then she stopped responding to me and went to sleep. I wasn’t saying that to hurt her, I was saying it because I need someone to help me. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I’m never going to be good enough, not even for myself. I’ve spent the last 8-9 years wanting to die, and I’m only a freshman in college. Sometimes I feel like my life is amazing, and that I have it all, but sometimes I feel like everything is crumbling down and I can’t fix any of it. I feel so helpless every day. I’m not in control of my life, and I’m not sure I even want to be. I cut my arm tonight and downed some painkillers and if I had sleeping pills I would have downed those too. I want them so badly, I want to end it so badly. I’m tired of living. I’m tired of being a burden on everyone around me. I’m tired of hating myself and everyone else being disappointed in me. I’m tired of being a piece of shit to the people I love. I want to die, I’m dreading going to sleep because I don’t want to wake up in the morning. Life fucking sucks. If I don’t want it anymore, I shouldn’t be forced to into it...just let me go

Can you give an example of a sentence that reveals medical anxiety?