line
stringlengths 2
76
|
---|
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
|
PART I
|
CHAPTER I
|
On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a young man came out of
|
the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and walked slowly, as though
|
in hesitation, towards K. bridge.
|
He had successfully avoided meeting his landlady on the staircase. His
|
garret was under the roof of a high, five-storied house and was more
|
like a cupboard than a room. The landlady who provided him with garret,
|
dinners, and attendance, lived on the floor below, and every time
|
he went out he was obliged to pass her kitchen, the door of which
|
invariably stood open. And each time he passed, the young man had a
|
sick, frightened feeling, which made him scowl and feel ashamed. He was
|
hopelessly in debt to his landlady, and was afraid of meeting her.
|
This was not because he was cowardly and abject, quite the contrary; but
|
for some time past he had been in an overstrained irritable condition,
|
verging on hypochondria. He had become so completely absorbed in
|
himself, and isolated from his fellows that he dreaded meeting, not
|
only his landlady, but anyone at all. He was crushed by poverty, but the
|
anxieties of his position had of late ceased to weigh upon him. He had
|
given up attending to matters of practical importance; he had lost all
|
desire to do so. Nothing that any landlady could do had a real terror
|
for him. But to be stopped on the stairs, to be forced to listen to her
|
trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering demands for payment, threats
|
and complaints, and to rack his brains for excuses, to prevaricate, to
|
lie--no, rather than that, he would creep down the stairs like a cat and
|
slip out unseen.
|
This evening, however, on coming out into the street, he became acutely
|
aware of his fears.
|
“I want to attempt a thing _like that_ and am frightened by these
|
trifles,” he thought, with an odd smile. “Hm... yes, all is in a man’s
|
hands and he lets it all slip from cowardice, that’s an axiom. It would
|
be interesting to know what it is men are most afraid of. Taking a new
|
step, uttering a new word is what they fear most.... But I am talking
|
too much. It’s because I chatter that I do nothing. Or perhaps it is
|
that I chatter because I do nothing. I’ve learned to chatter this
|
last month, lying for days together in my den thinking... of Jack the
|
Giant-killer. Why am I going there now? Am I capable of _that_? Is
|
_that_ serious? It is not serious at all. It’s simply a fantasy to amuse
|
myself; a plaything! Yes, maybe it is a plaything.”
|
The heat in the street was terrible: and the airlessness, the bustle
|
and the plaster, scaffolding, bricks, and dust all about him, and that
|
special Petersburg stench, so familiar to all who are unable to get out
|
of town in summer--all worked painfully upon the young man’s already
|
overwrought nerves. The insufferable stench from the pot-houses, which
|
are particularly numerous in that part of the town, and the drunken men
|
whom he met continually, although it was a working day, completed
|
the revolting misery of the picture. An expression of the profoundest
|
disgust gleamed for a moment in the young man’s refined face. He was,
|
by the way, exceptionally handsome, above the average in height, slim,
|
well-built, with beautiful dark eyes and dark brown hair. Soon he sank
|
into deep thought, or more accurately speaking into a complete blankness
|
of mind; he walked along not observing what was about him and not caring
|
to observe it. From time to time, he would mutter something, from the
|
habit of talking to himself, to which he had just confessed. At these
|
moments he would become conscious that his ideas were sometimes in a
|
tangle and that he was very weak; for two days he had scarcely tasted
|
food.
|
He was so badly dressed that even a man accustomed to shabbiness would
|
have been ashamed to be seen in the street in such rags. In that quarter
|
of the town, however, scarcely any shortcoming in dress would have
|
created surprise. Owing to the proximity of the Hay Market, the number
|
of establishments of bad character, the preponderance of the trading
|
and working class population crowded in these streets and alleys in the
|
heart of Petersburg, types so various were to be seen in the streets
|
that no figure, however queer, would have caused surprise. But there was
|
such accumulated bitterness and contempt in the young man’s heart, that,
|
in spite of all the fastidiousness of youth, he minded his rags least
|
of all in the street. It was a different matter when he met with
|
acquaintances or with former fellow students, whom, indeed, he disliked
|
meeting at any time. And yet when a drunken man who, for some unknown
|
reason, was being taken somewhere in a huge waggon dragged by a heavy
|
dray horse, suddenly shouted at him as he drove past: “Hey there, German
|
hatter” bawling at the top of his voice and pointing at him--the young
|
man stopped suddenly and clutched tremulously at his hat. It was a tall
|
round hat from Zimmerman’s, but completely worn out, rusty with age, all
|
torn and bespattered, brimless and bent on one side in a most unseemly
|
fashion. Not shame, however, but quite another feeling akin to terror
|
had overtaken him.
|
“I knew it,” he muttered in confusion, “I thought so! That’s the worst
|
of all! Why, a stupid thing like this, the most trivial detail might
|
spoil the whole plan. Yes, my hat is too noticeable.... It looks absurd
|
and that makes it noticeable.... With my rags I ought to wear a cap, any
|
sort of old pancake, but not this grotesque thing. Nobody wears such
|
a hat, it would be noticed a mile off, it would be remembered.... What
|