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ToastyPigeon

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[Themes: Horror] > Look around This town diner has had a few names over the years as its passed from owner to owner. The floors and countertop are linoleum and guests mostly sit on chrome & leather stools at the counter. A few red upholstered booths fill out the place. You can see Janet, Brad, a cup of coffee, a slice of pie, and Columbia here. > You sit (on the copy of the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper) You can't sit on the copy of the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper. > You ask Janet, to go north Janet has better things to do. > You examine janet Janet is dressed in a lavender jacket and matching skirt. A white hat with an upturned brim is perched on her head. You're not sure what a cute girl like her is doing with such a square. She is currently carrying nothing. > You look at Brad Brad is dressed in a black tuxedo with a red and black plaid cumberbund, and matching bow tie. The "Buddy Holly" style glasses perched on his nose make him look very nerdy. He is currently carrying nothing. > You wait Time passes. I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon?

[Themes: Horror] > Look around This town diner has had a few names over the years as its passed from owner to owner. The floors and countertop are linoleum and guests mostly sit on chrome & leather stools at the counter. A few red upholstered booths fill out the place. You can see Janet, Brad, a cup of coffee, a slice of pie, and Columbia here. > You eat the pie and the coffee slice of pie: It's delicious. The sharp cheese really accentuates the sweet apples. Just like Grandma used to make. cup of coffee: Mmmm... Nice and hot, a refreshing nutty flavor. > You eat the Columbia She's plainly inedible. > You take the pie Brad has better things to do. > You say the cheese Whom do you want to say that to? > You give it to Brad "Why, thanks," Brad says to you. "I really enjoy reading the day's news. Oh, look at this headline. Ali won that title match in Zaire." Suddenly a window of the diner shatters. You look up to see that a manual typewriter has come through the window. It rears up and its keys clatter meanacingly at everyone. Janet screams, and the waitress takes cover behind the counter. "I'll protect you, Janet," Brad shouts. He throws the newspaper at the typewriter, which shreds the Cleveland Plain Dealer with its horrible mechanics. Suddenly, the typewriter is upon Brad. His tuxedo is soaked with blood. "Oh no," cries Janet. "We'll never get the deposit back now!" As the last of Brad's life eeks out of him, he reaches for Janet and says "I was going to ask you..." and then he expires. Janet reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a ring box and starts to weep. She looks up - but it's too late, the cursed typewriter is upon her.

[Themes: Metafiction, metafiction] You are sitting at a desk. "He's still here."

[Themes: Horror, horror, conversation, ghosts] Love Is As Powerful As Death, Jealousy Is As Cruel As The Grave This is how later you would remember these events, almost as if reliving them, going over the details again and again, trying to recapture the feel of events, putting yourself into them as if they were happening for the first time. This is the dining room of the Cafe Khmer. There's a thin metal table here that Joe is sitting at. Joe's coffee sits on the table. You haven't had coffee in a long time, actually. Joe is here, chillin'. [Author's Note: Atmospheric and moody, here one gets to follow an American teaching in Cambodia through a ghost story with an Eastern flavor.]

[Themes: Horror, conversation, horror] > About yourself This is you, Roger West - six feet tall, dirty-blonde hair, and not conspicuously out of shape. You are, you think somewhat critically, as handsome as ever. Unfortunately that doesn't say much. "Dude, what's up?" Joe says. Joe has started his own small business matching private tutors with Koreans who have money. (There's no money in tutoring Khmers.) You heard he was looking for tutors. More than anything else, you're hoping he can send some business your way. (You could say not much, lie and say lots, tell him about girls, or ask him about a job, Joe himself, or bring up something else.) > You ask Joe about himself Joe snorts. "Yeah, whatever." Clearly, he thinks your "himself" thing was a dumb comment. Or maybe he just didn't hear you? > You tell Joe about the girls "There's these two girls I'm trying to figure out." you tell Joe. "Not surprising" Joe replies. "Who are they?" "One's a Filipina named Mary. The other's a Khmer girl." "Whats her name?" "Paridy. Part-time librarian at the school I work at." And she's neat, you think, but she doesn't have the basic idea of organization: of alphabetical order, for example. "Aah. I know them," Joe says. (You could tell him about Mary, or Paridy, or ask him about a job, Joe himself, or bring up something else.) > You tell Joe about Paridy "How do you know Paridy?" "Well, remember, I used to work at your same school. Just part-time." Oh, that's right. That's actually how you met Joe: he was going out, segueing into working only as a private tutor for Koreans, just as you were coming in. "I wouldn't waste too much time on her," Joe is saying. "She's a good girl." > You tell Joe about Mary "How do you know Mary?" you ask. "She used to work at the California School," Joe says. "That's how you met her, right?" "Through one of the teachers there, yeah." "Yeah, she's hot. And I think she's the kind of girl you need." A pretty blonde girl walks by, distracting you both. "What do you think?" Joe asks you. "French," you reply. > You get the coffee "Hey, hey - hands off," Joe says, holding his coffee protectively. "Yeah, so anyway-" Joe says. > You ask Joe about himself "Hey, man," Joe says, seeming to notice you for the first time. "No, you had your chance," Joe tells you. "Now I'm going to tell you about my new girlfriend." > You ask Joe about the job "No, you had your chance," Joe tells you. "Now I'm going to tell you about my new girlfriend." > Inventory You are carrying your wallet and your cell phone. "Try to keep up. I know you never have much to say, but this is ridiculous." > You examine the wallet Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. Joe raises his eyebrows. "HuhWhat?" A pickup truck, with a rusted cab and a banged-together bed of wood, pulls up outside, and a delivery guy props the door open and brings some boxes in to the back. Your wallet is far less important here in Cambodia than at home. Your driver's license, bearing the name Roger West, would be useless to the police, as most of them can't read English, and no license is required to drive anyway. Like most ex-patriots, you keep your really important stuff - your ATM card and your passport, which contains your visa - safely at home. Cambodians use American money, mostly - paper dollars. They use their own currency as small change. 4,000 reil to a dollar. Or sometimes 4,400. It depends on which way the transaction is going. "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You tell yourself about the girlfriend Talking to yourself won't accomplish anything. "I've been dating this girl. She's pretty cool, actually." While he's talking to you, he takes out his phone and brings something up on it. Joe the phone out to you, showing you a picture. It's the image of a beautiful Asian girl tied and gagged on a bed. She's otherwise naked. It's actually quite shocking. Seeing your expression, Joe laughs. The delivery guy takes his paperwork, climbs into the truck, and drives off. A moment later, the waitress (who you haven't managed to get the attention of) closes the door as she passes through. (You could ask him about his new girlfriend, a job, Joe himself, or bring up something else, or tell him about Paridy.) > You ask Joe about the girl "How'd you meet this girl?" you ask. "I can tell you're into her." "She was a hooker," Joe replies promptly. "Still is, technically, but I told her she had to stop while she was with me." You say nothing. He reads your expression. "It's okay," he tells you. "I had her tested. She's healthy, basically. She has hep. That's the only really bad thing. I'm careful." (You could ask where he met her, tell him about Paridy, or ask him about a job, Joe himself, or bring up something else.) > You look at the photo The word "photo" is not necessary in this story. (If this was an accidental misspelling, you can correct it by typing OOPS followed by the corrected word now. Any time the story points out an unknown word, you can correct a misspelling using OOPS as your next command.) > You ask where he met her "Where'd you meet her?" you ask. "At the X-pub." The X-pub is one of the night-life spots in Siem Reap. You've never been there.

[Themes: Horror, ghosts, horror] > You look around "No, you had your chance," Joe tells you. "Now I'm going to tell you about my new girlfriend." This is the dining room of the Cafe Khmer. There's a thin metal table here that Joe is sitting at. Joe's coffee sits on the table. You haven't had coffee in a long time, actually. At the moment, Joe is talking to you. "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask Joe about girlfriend Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. "Do you want to tell me about your new girlfriend?" you ask. "I could talk about her all day," Joe says, smiling to himself. "You're dating a hooker?" you ask. Joe nods. "When she was a kid, her parents sold her off to work as a child beggar. One of the ones who try to sell you stuff when you go to see the ruins of the temple-city. It was supposed to be temporary. They raped her into it there. She got a boss who liked kids. Liked making them hurt. Bad luck." > You ask Joe about girlfriend "I don't entirely understand how she got out of it," Joe says, "but I know she was out of it for a while. Made friends with the right person, I think. Got back into it recently. She wasn't out of it for too long - claims to be eighteen. Anyway, there's a few years unaccounted for. Man, she's into some crazy stuff." > You ask Joe about the girlfriend "We have an agreement," Joe says. "She doesn't let any other guy touch her. But I can do whatever I want, as long as she's getting what she needs." Joe ponders for a moment. "Or at least I think that's our agreement." He laughs. "She speaks broken beggar English, and I speak no Khmer. Anyway, that's how I'm running it." > Again Joe breaks into a shockingly beautiful smile. "I don't know... I just feel so good for some reason, and just here while I'm talking to you, I can't get her out of my mind." (You could tell him about Paridy, or ask him about a job, Joe himself, or bring up something else.) > You ask Joe about the girlfriend "Sounds like quite a girl," you say. Joe's smile lingers. He just shrugs. > You ask Joe about a the job You say, "I'm really not finding the work here in Cambodia they told me I'd find. They told me having my teaching cert would open doors. They told me-" "Aw, man, you are such a whiner," Joe says. > You look at the coffee That's Joe's coffee. It sure looks good. "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask Joe for the coffee Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. Joe raises his eyebrows. "HuhWhat?" > You take the coffee "Hey, that's my coffee. Get your own." "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask Joe about the girl Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. "Sounds like quite a girl," you say. Joe's smile lingers. He just shrugs.

[Themes: Horror, horror, conversation, ghosts] > Look around This is the dining room of the Cafe Khmer. There's a thin metal table here that Joe is sitting at. Joe's coffee sits on the table. You haven't had coffee in a long time, actually. At the moment, Joe is talking to you. "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask Joe about Paridy Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. "I like good girls," you say. He shrugs. "You might like them, but are you successful with them? There's two ways to get into a girl like Paridy: marry her, or be a pimp." He laces his fingers behind his head and leans back. "Like me." (You could zing him about the pimp comment, tell him about Paridy, or ask him about being a whiner, Joe himself, or bring up something else.) > Zing "You're a pimp?' you ask. "You know it,' Joe replies. Hm. That didn't work at all. Joe remains un-zung. > You ask him about being a the whiner "Well, what do you mean I'm a whiner?" you ask. "I'll just put it this way - I'm glad I don't work with you." > You ask Joe to come back to your place The story doesn't understand that command. Please use ASK ACTOR ABOUT TOPIC (or just A TOPIC). "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask him about Joe Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. "So how're you, Joe?" you ask. "You know me, man. I'm always good." > Topics You could tell him about Paridy, or ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else. > You tell Joe about Paridy "I think I have a chance with her," you say. "And how many girls in your life have you thought you had a chance with, to find they'll let you buy them things but you get no boom-boom?" (You have to admit, he has a point.) "Don't fight what you are. You'll just frustrate yourself." (You could ask about frustrating yourself, or ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else.) > You ask him about frustrating yourself "What do you mean, I'll frustrate myself if I fight what I am?" "Ah, y'know, man. I'm just saying, leave girls like Paridy to guys who know how to get 'em in the sack." > You ask him about Joe "So how're you, Joe?" you ask. "You know me, man. I'm always good." > You tell him about the assholes Joe raises his eyebrows. "HuhWhat?" > You find the waitress What do you want to look that up in? > Topics You could ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else. You could ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else. > Topics You could ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else. > You ask Joe about Joe "So how're you, Joe?" you ask. "You know me, man. I'm always good." "So how're you, Joe?" you ask. "You know me, man. I'm always good."

[Themes: Horror, horror, conversation, ghosts] > Look around This is the dining room of the Cafe Khmer. There's a thin metal table here that Joe is sitting at. Joe's coffee sits on the table. You haven't had coffee in a long time, actually. At the moment, Joe is talking to you. "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask Joe about the coffee Joe looks you over. And it's friendly, but it's not. Joe raises his eyebrows. "HuhWhat?" > You look under the table You see nothing unusual under the cafe table. "Why do I always have to do all the work?" Joe demands. "Why can't you ever hold up your end of a conversation?" > You ask Joe about the girl You are carrying your wallet and your cell phone. "So which one are you going to ask out?" Joe asks. "Mary or Paridy?" (You could say you'll ask out Mary, say you'll ask out Paridy, or ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else.) "Hey, hey... c'mon, man" Joe cajoles. "After all I told you? You've got to answer my question or I'll feel like a dweeb." > You say paridy "I'll ask Paridy out," you say. Joe considers that. "Well, it's your choice, I guess." > You ask Joe about Paridy "I think I have a chance with her," you say. "And how many girls in your life have you thought you had a chance with, to find they'll let you buy them things but you get no boom-boom?" (You have to admit, he has a point.) "Don't fight what you are. You'll just frustrate yourself." (You could ask him about Joe himself, or bring up something else.)

[Themes: Horror, conversation] > You describe your surroundings This is the dining room of the Cafe Khmer. There's a thin metal table here that Joe is sitting at. Joe's coffee sits on the table. You haven't had coffee in a long time, actually. At the moment, Joe is talking to you. Frowning, Joe fiddles with his phone. He stands, mutters, "Hey, man-" and walks away. You assume that he was going to the bathroom, or something, but after a while you realize he's left. And that he's left you to pay for his coffee. > You ask Joe for the perfidy's number Joe's not here - he left in a hurry. And, it seems, stuck you with the bill. -The conversation didn't seem important at the time, but later you would look back on it and wonder. Two days later, you were out on the balcony near your apartment talking to your neighbor, Chuck. Chuck is basically a good guy - you like him - but it sometimes takes him quite a long time to fomulate his thoughts, requiring you to wait for him. > You check your inventory You are carrying your wallet and your cell phone. > You open the wallet No need to fiddle with your wallet. Besides, it makes you look awkward. > You look at the phone Your cell phone is a tiny, cheap little thing - "cheap" in this case being $40. You know you can get them for less, but you weren't able to talk the merchant down any. This one keeps turning off for no good reason. A good thing to keep with you, even though you have no one to call at the moment. "There was a big fire the other day," Chuck tells you. "Did you hear about it?" "Not really," you say. "Oh!- I smelled the smoke, a few days ago around noon, but with Siem Reap so dusty I didn't think about it. What happened?" "I heard somebody died in it, but then I heard that, no, all of the tenants got out and were accounted for, so it's okay. Joe was talking about it." (You could ask him about the big fire, or Chuck himself, or tell him about Cambodian history.) > You look at Chuck Chuck is a small, somewhat heavy Australian. He's what some people would call 'quietly intense', and others, 'tightly wound.' Although he's not looking at you, you know Chuck is giving you his full attention. You think he knows it can be unsettling when he looks directly at a person - there's just something about him. > You ask Chuck about the the big fire "I don't really get it," Chuck says. "Why is Cambodia so poor?" "Because of Pol Pot," you say. You read up on the history before you got here. "Was there more to that story about the fire?" you ask. Chuck says, "Yeah, I guess there was." (You could ask him about the big fire, or Chuck himself, or tell him about Cambodian history.) > You continue "You talked to Joe?" you ask. "I haven't seen him lately." "Yeah; he said there had been a fire in New York a couple years ago where the parents had been smoking in bed, and the mattress caught fire. Then they tried to get the mattress out of the apartment, and when they got it halfway through the doorway, well now there was a draft, and it burst into flame. So they screwed up." Chuck considers something, and adds, "He didn't say what they were smoking. I guess the media would have considered it an undiplomatic question, under the circumstances. Maybe nothing exotic, even." > You ask Chuck about the fire "The whole family - the parents and three kids - were all stuck in the apartment. Everyone else got out of the building safely, but they were trapped. No fire exit. Sucks." Chuck motions. "Anyway, from what I understand, everyone's accounted for in this one, thank Christ." > You ask Chuck about the fire "I wonder where the fire was?" you say. "I don't know that," Chuck replies. "Somewhere in the neighborhood. I imagine if you walk around, you'll notice the burnt-out husk of a building somewhere." > You tell Chuck about the cambodian history "The country was discontent," you say, "because they were under French colonial rule. Pol Pot came to power - there was another government between the colonial government and Pol Pot - but Pol Pot came to power and he had a traditionalist theory that the reason Cambodia was having problems was that it had gotten away from its roots. Which was farming." Chuck is listening, but you can't tell how much he is hearing. He nods slightly, but it seems almost rhythmic. > You tell Chuck the cambodian history The story doesn't understand that command. Please use ASK ACTOR ABOUT TOPIC (or just A TOPIC). Chuck stands. "Well, I'd better go," he says, looking over your shoulder at the hall to his door. "Good luck with everything." Chuck walks out. You can hear him in the hallway saying something to Ted, who presently walks in. His friend George is right behind him. "Hey, how's it going?" Ted asks as he takes Chuck's seat. > You look at George George is by far the weaker personality. Mostly you address yourself to Ted and let George chime in when he likes. "So what happened on your date?" George asks, staring at you. "Paridy didn't show up," you say. "Found out later she claimed she didn't understand what the plan was. And that she wanted to hang out in a group: so clearly she did understand what the plan was - saying she didn't was some kind of face-saving bullshit. She flaked. Turns out that Cambodian chicks are still chicks." You think about what Joe told you: not to fight what you are. You say, "She didn't trust me, I guess. I dunno, I mean, it's not like I'm going to tear her clothes off in Lucky Mall and rape her. I'm an id beast, but I'm not that much of an id beast." "It's part of Khmer culture," Ted tells you, causing George to stop staring at you momentarily. "The first couple dates, she needs to have a friend there." -George once told you that he became an ex-pat because the women back home "wouldn't give him the time of day." And indeed there is something creepy about his manner.' (You could tell them about dating (to answer George's questions), or dating (to get George to stop staring at you), or ask them about Joe's new girlfriend, Joe, Ted himself, or bring up something else.) > You ask about the dating 'George, you're still staring at me,' you say. 'Was there something else you wanted to know?' 'Not really,' George says. 'What's the follow-up?' 'She invited me fishing,' you say. There's this pagoda she goes to go fishing; she invited me along. Later today." > Topics You could ask them about Joe's new girlfriend, Joe, Ted himself, or bring up something else. > You tell George about the fishing George is by far the weaker personality. Mostly you address yourself to Ted and let George chime in when he likes. > You ask about the joe's new girlfriend Ted gives you a crooked smile. George merely makes eye contact. You have nothing in mind to say on that subject right now. (You could ask them about Joe's new girlfriend, Joe, Ted himself, or bring up something else.) > You ask about Joe "What's the latest on Joe?" you ask. George says, "I heard the cops want to talk to him. Don't know why." "Oh, I know why," Ted says. "His house burned down the other day. His apartment building. So they need to ask everyone questions, for insurance and all that. Can you imagine what a pisser that is?" > You ask about Joe You ask, "Did Joe lose his passport?" "Yeah, must've. And that means he wouldn't have his visa so he couldn't prove he was here legally. Which is $5 a day they fine you for every day you're not here legally. And he's been here for months. If they find him before he gets that squared away, he is screwed." > Again "Can you imagine that?" Ted muses. "To lose absolutely everything except what you're happening to be carrying at the time? -I loaned him fifty dollars. Would've loaned him more, but I'm hard up until payday." > You examine ted Ted is an Irishman with what you at first found to be an incomprehensible accent. You've since adapted to it, which you find a little alarming. He has bad teeth from a lifetime of barroom fights and an old face from a lifetime of drinking; but he has a young body. He works out, and shows it off with a loose-cut tank top. Ted is a cheerful enough guy, but underneath it there's something not at all kind-hearted. > You ask about the girlfriend "Have you seen Joe's new girlfriend?" you ask. "Is she pretty?" "Pretty enough," Ted says, "but she has these little scars on her arms. Some of 'em look fresh. You know what those are from? - cockroaches." "Really? They'll bite you here?" You've seen some mammoth roaches in your apartment. "Oh, will they bite you. They'll get you while you're sleeping. Move your bed away from the wall and, what I do, I run tape sticky-side-out around the legs of my bed, so they can't climb up it. But she's pretty enough, yeah." > You ask about the girlfriend "I think he really likes her," you say. "He got a tattoo in Cambodian that I think might be her name." "If he really liked her, he'd get it in English," Ted says. > You ask about the girlfriend "It's funny," you say: "With Joe being so good with girls, that he'd end up with a hooker." There's an awkward silence as Ted and George look at each other. > You ask about Joe "Where's Joe staying?" you ask. "With his girlfriend, where else?" Ted replies. "She's Khmer. Must live, I imagine, in some rat-infested hole with a dirt floor, in common with a few others. No proper door leading out. I don't imagine he's enjoying that." > Topics You could ask them about Joe, Ted himself, or bring up something else. > You ask them about Ted "So what's new, Ted?" you ask. "How's school? How's your students?" "The usual crap," he replies. > You ask them about Joe "-And when Joe goes to sleep in that that Cambodian household, he's very paranoid about where to keep that fifty dollars you lent him," you say. "Yeah he probably is," Ted says, looking a little surprised. "But I've gotten so much work from him, and I know he's good for it, so I couldn't turn him down, could I?" "Well, it's about time I got ready for my big fishing date at the pagoda. This is dating, Khmer-style." "Good luck," Ted says. You stand. (You could ask them about Ted himself, or bring up something else.) > Bye Nothing obvious happens. > You ask them about Ted Ted gives you a crooked smile. George merely makes eye contact. "So what's new, Ted?" you ask. "How's school? How's your students?" "The usual crap," he replies. You give your regards and go to get ready for your big fishing date with Paridy at the pagoda. When you get to Paridy's door, you heard voices inside. You're outside the door to Paridy's apartment. Traffic goes by occasionally - motorbikes, mostly. > You go inside Opened. (the door) You walk into Paridy's apartment and see Joe and Paridy hanging out. You see Joe is looking an awful lot at Paridy. You see that Paridy seems to be paying an awful lot of attention to Joe. It makes you do a double-take. Yes, indeed: Joe, of all people, is here, of all places, and he and Paridy are so absorbed in looking at each other that they hardly seem to notice you. Paridy is in the middle of a story. "When they are bad, they go to bad place. They get no feed. When they come out, they have eat bad feed. If it good they can not eat. You must throw it on the ground for dirty, or rot. Rotted?" Paridy continues, "But they only can come out one day. One day year. Very hungry then. If their family not to monks, they can not eat one year again. Very very hungry." "So how does the family know the right day?" Joe asks, speaking slowly. "Oh, yes," Paridy says, laughing. "There are many pagoda in Cambodia. If the family go the wrong pagoda, they not get feed. But the family talk monks. Monks say what pagoda, what day. Very important talk monks." "That's a well-organized afterlife," Joe says. Paridy doesn't understand. "How do the monks know? Do they have a schedule? A calendar? Who tells the dead person when he gets vacation?" Paridy is smiling. "Monks know," she says. "How about you, Roger?" Joe raps. "You believe in magic?" (You could say yes or no, or ask him about his girlfriend, or the fire.) > You examine the door It's open. > You ask him about the girlfriend "How's your girlfriend, man?" you ask. Joe laughs. He tells Paridy, "Roger is asking about my girlfriend. Always asking about my girlfriend. He wants to know because he doesn't have one." Paridy laughs. Joe's gaze remains on her as they both laugh, but you have the feeling he's looking at you out of the corner of his eye. Down the street, you hear the duck-like squeak of the squeeze-bottles beggars use to call for people to bring out their recyclables and put them into their two-wheeled hand-carts. > You say no Joe raises his eyebrows. "HuhWhat?" Joe sits on the couch with Paridy. "Hey, man, have a seat," Joe says. He motions beside him, on the far side from Paridy. If you sit there, he's between you and her. But, you could sit in the big chair, which is kitty-corner to the couch, and you'd be sitting almost next to Paridy. (You could sit on the couch (next to Joe), sit on the big chair (next to Paridy), or ask him about the fire.) > You sit on the big chair You sit down into the big chair, kitty-corner to Paridy. As you settle into the big wicker chair, you rock the end table that takes up the corner between the couch and the chair. Joe flips out. 'What the Hell's the matter with you?' he shouts - almost screams, really. 'Can't you see I've got a cigarette on there?' Indeed, on the end table, there's an ashtray, and in the ashtray there's a burning cigarette. Probably left there, you suddenly realize, so Joe would have a reason to keep reaching around and across Paridy. 'What's your problem?' you ask. 'My problem?' Joe yells. 'What's your problem, that you're trying to burn the place down?' Paridy doesn't understand what's going on. She only knows that Joe is screaming in your face, and you're taking it like a punk. Joe gets up and walks outside.

[Themes: Horror, ghosts] > Look around Paridy's apartment is remarkably nice, for a Khmer apartment. It has a couch and a big chair, a small refrigerator, a countertop with a big portable stove - no gas lines in Cambodia - a big oscillating fan that most Western-style rooms have, instead of A/C, and a TV. Paridy is here, looking at you. > You examine Paridy This is the Khmer girl you've been thinking so much of, Paridy. She's slender without being thin, pretty without being glamorous. And she has a real nice smile. You like her a lot. Finally, you have Paridy alone! No telling how long it'll last, though. 'I no understaan' this,' Paridy says, putting a newspaper in front of you. She points to the headline: 'Ferry Operator's Fate Still Unknown' Something about the storm in the Philippines. 'What it mean?' (You could tell her about the newspaper.) > You tell her about the newspaper 'A ferry,' you say, 'is a kind of boat. You know boat?' 'Yes,' she says. 'But a ferry just goes back and forth, back and forth,' you tell her. 'Ahh, yes,' she says. > You tell her about the newspaper 'The operator is the man who owns the ferry. The man in it.' 'Ah, yes. What is fate?' You think a moment. 'You know karma?' 'Yes.' 'Same thing.' 'Ahh.' She nods. This is all very approximate, you think, but that's how early learning works. > You tell her about the newspaper 'And unknown means we don't know. So, there was a big storm, and people are missing - "Fate of ferry operator still unknown."' 'Now,' you ask, 'is the man in the ferry alive, or dead?' She looks at it and makes up her mind. 'Dead.' 'No,' you say. 'Eeh? Alive?' 'No, we don't know. See- it's unknown. So we can hope.' > You tell her about the newspaper Honestly, you think she needs a moment's rest on the topic. She's still looking at it, but as Gary Larsen once put it, her brain is full. > Topics You could ask her about the newspaper. > You ask her about Joe 'I no understaan'' Paridy says. She seemed to understand Joe well enough. > You ask her about the the newspaper Honestly, you think she needs a moment's rest on the topic. She's still looking at it, but as Gary Larsen once put it, her brain is full. 'What it mean, still?' Paridy asks, pointing at the word in the headline. Joe walks back in. 'As in, "He's still talking with you about this?"' He laughs, and Paridy, only understanding that he's laughing, laughs with him. Joe turns to you. 'Hey, man, we're going fishing at the pagoda. You can come with us if you have nothing better to do.' So there you are. > Topics You could ask her about the fire. > You ask her about the fire 'Dude, I heard you lost your passport and all your stuff burned down. You okay?' you ask. Joe moves back a bit and looks you over. 'Yeah, I'm okay. Sure, I lost a lot of stuff in the fire. It's a hassle. But I'm taking care of it.' He winks at Paridy. She giggles. ...and there you went, walking the long dirt road to the pagoda with Paridy and Joe, watching them chatting and laughing in front of you. A third wheel. The three of you come to the corner of high walls that enclose the pagoda property. The walls are in good shape, except here at the corner, where they have been broken entirely down. Further ahead down the road, you can see that the pagoda's gates are firmly closed. This is the offical way in, you guess. As you reach the broken-down corner, Joe and Paridy, giggling, run ahead.

[Themes: Horror, ghosts] > You look around The long, dusty road runs east and west. To the southwest is the busted-down corner of the pagoda wall. Further west, you can see the pagoda gates are closed. East leads a long way back to Siem Reap. > Go southwest Inside the Pagoda (corner) You are just inside the busted-down corner of the wall enclosing the pagoda. The pagoda itself probably comprises about ten acres of land. To the west, somewhat past the gate, you can see small, poor dwellings, somewhat hidden by laundry hung out to dry. Immediately to the south, there is a mausoleum, and some ways beyond that there is a lake. A brook runs past the poor houses down to the lake. It looks like Joe and Paridy went south, to where you can catch a glimpse of water. From here you could probably see quite a bit about most of these things, if you took the time to examine them. You hear Joe and Paridy's voices deeper into the pagoda. > You examine the lake The word 'laundry' is not necessary in this story. Far to the south, you can see a small lake. It's toward the center of the pagoda, well away from the eastern wall. > You examine the mausoleum About halfway down the the east wall, there is a small 'forest' of tall tapering tower-like objects, each about the girth of a tree and varying in height from ten feet tall to two stories. These, you know, are the monuments keeping the ashes of famous and important people, built in exchange for a generous donation to the pagoda and the understanding that future monks will pray for their spiritual progression during future lives. > You examine the brook The brook runs from the north, where there are poor houses built on either side of it, to the south, where it runs into the lake. The brook is small and dirty, and there is a great deal of garbage on either side. > You look at Pagoda You are moving around inside the grounds of the pagoda. The pagoda walls bound the grounds to the north and east; they break down at the northeast corner, where you came in. Against the east wall, there is a mausoleum of perhaps thirty stone Eiffel Tower-like monuments. To the northwest there are a number of chicken-coop-like dwellings for deeply poor people. A garbage-strewn brook runs from those dwellings south to the lake. It is starting to get quite dark. > You examine garbage Every so often around the pagoda, and especially down by the brook, garbage is strewn around. It looks like people have been using the brook as a primary dumping ground for years - there are rusted mangled pieces of this-or-that, rotting food, bits of clothing - just all kinds of trash. > You search the garbage You can find the same kind of things in the States, on defunct farms and industrial parks where the industry has pulled out. > You go south > Go south Pagoda (empty space near wall) This is a wide empy space of rubble and weeds, like an abandoned lot. > You go west Pagoda (west of lake) On a rock with pigeon droppings nearby - Joe lays his scarf over it, lengthwise. 'Sorry, man,' Joe says. 'No room. You'll have to hang out over there - more fish anyway.' Paridy has become passive, pliant. She almost seems to sleep-walk through this. They sit down together. You're left off in what in third grade they called 'goat land.' It's not honestly that far away. In a bar, there would be two empty bar stools between you and Joe. You can talk to them quite easily. But also they can ignore you quite easily. It starts getting dark. You look at the bamboo fishing pole in your hand Paridy has her head on Joe's shoulder. Joe has his arm around Paridy. With all the terrible parasites you've heard of living in the fresh water of Cambodia, you don't want to get your feet wet. Besides, there's nothing much on the other side - just some thick, brambly grass and different bits of garbage dumped around. > Fish You fish a while... As your eye tracks the ripples moving out from the line across the surface of the brown water, it occurs to you that you could easily eavesdrop on Joe and Paridy. -Well, no bites. You guess a naked hook isn't that appealing. > Eavesdrop -Ah. Of course. Joe is telling Paridy how secretly vulnerable he is. As you listen, Joe says, 'I believe free will trumps fate, but you know what trumps free will? That life is random. Stuff just happens and there's not any reason or rhyme to it. And people don't accept that so they make up fate. But we can accept free will...' -Literal sweet nothings, you realize: Paridy can't understand a word. But it doesn't matter, because it's not the words that count. > You tell Paridy about Joe Paridy has eyes only for Joe. This could be a problem, you think. > Inventory You are carrying your wallet, your cell phone, and the fishing gear. > You look at the gear This is a bamboo pole, with a line and hook attached, for fishing. > Fish You fish a while... -Well, no bites. You guess a naked hook isn't that appealing. > You ask Joe for the bait Man-! Joe is freezing you out, and loving it.

[Themes: Horror, ghosts, horror] > You look around Pagoda (west of lake) (sitting on the ground) You are by a lake on the land of a tumble-down pagoda, visible off in the distance. Paridy has her head on Joe's shoulder. Joe has his arm around Paridy. > You search the lake The lake is for fishing only, although you have certain reservations whether even that's a good idea.

[Themes: Horror, ghosts] > Go downwards You can't go that way. Obvious exits lead north, back to the pagoda (empty space near wall); south; east; west; northwest; and in. > Go east The pagoda wall is quite tall and solid, running north and south. But there is the rubble-strewn break to the north, where you came in. > Go south The terrain gets a little rough to the south - all you have there is long, brambly grass, and it's not that appealing. You could go that way if it were a matter of life and death, and you had some reason to - but not otherwise. > You go west With all the terrible parasites you've heard of living in the fresh water of Cambodia, you don't want to get your feet wet. Besides, there's nothing much on the other side - just some thick, brambly grass and different bits of garbage dumped around. > Go northwest Pagoda (north of lake) You are on the north side of a lake. You can follow the lake around to the southeast, or you can walk north along the brook, which immediately to the west joins the lake.

[Themes: Horror, horror, ghosts] > Go downwards You can't go that way. Obvious exits lead north; south; east; west; northeast; southeast, back to the pagoda (west of lake); and in. > You go north Pagoda (east of brook) A small brook to the west of you runs from the north, where it goes through the houses, to the south, where it runs into the lake. A rotted log here catches your attention. > You look at log This rotten log rests deep in the mud, riddled with bug-holes. You just know if you move it you'll see it teeming with bugs. > You take the bug Oooo, it wriggles to get free! > You check what you're carrying You are carrying your wallet, your cell phone, the fishing gear, and a centipede. > You examine the centipede This especially plump centipede, you have to admit, kind of gives you the willies. On the hook it writhes, occasionally flailing, with gradually reducing vigor. > Go south Pagoda (north of lake) You are on the north side of a lake. You can follow the lake around to the southeast, or you can walk north along the brook, which immediately to the west joins the lake. > You go to the south The lake water, even more than the brook, is brown and sluggish. There's no way you're getting in there. > You go to the southeast Pagoda (west of lake) You are by a lake on the land of a tumble-down pagoda, visible off in the distance. Paridy has her head on Joe's shoulder. Joe has his arm around Paridy. > Fish You fish a while - and are jolted out of your contemplation of Paridy by a sudden jerk on the line! You pull it out into the early twilight. It jerks and twitches in the air. You've caught a fish! Paridy comes running over - not to congratulate you, as it turns out, but to hit the fish on the head with a rock until it stops moving. Despite himself, you can see Joe is impressed. Paridy turns around from having bludgeoned the fish to death, and right into Joe's arms. It just seems to happen. They kiss: a long, deep kiss. She seems to begin to melt into him, the rock dropping, finally, from limp fingers. As you watch them kiss, you suddenly feel an intense, crazy jealousy. You must do something - just as you must do something when you're very hungry, or terribly afraid. Oddly, it doesn't seem related to your feelings for Paridy. Rather, it seems founded on the plain fact that Joe has a girlfriend - that this is wrong. Distantly, you realize the hairs on the back of your neck are standing up, that you have gooseflesh along your arms and your spine is crawling. Still kissing Paridy, Joe's eyes rove, find yours - and twinkle with amusement. Then, they seem to focus on something behind you, and Joe gapes. A look of naked horror comes across his face. He forgets Paridy mid-kiss; the kiss is not broken, but abandoned. -And the feeling of insane jealousy that had completely overwhelmed you just a moment before is gone. You feel only irritation and mild disappointment that Paridy isn't interested in you. Paridy opens her eyes, sees the expression on Joe's face, and recoils from it. You look behind you- Nothing there. > You examine Paridy This is the Khmer girl you've been thinking so much of, Paridy. She's slender without being thin, pretty without being glamorous. And she has a real nice smile. You like her a lot. Paridy stays at your side, not looking around at Joe, behind you. You can smell her: she smells like girl. Very nice. 'Things are random,' Joe mutters behind you. 'If we didn't have that game where I left her tied up while I went out with friends - If I didn't take her picture with my camera before I left, so if she struggled I'd have a reason to beat her - If I didn't leave the whip by the bedside so she could see it while she waited- Who knows? - If we hadn't upgraded to me burning her with cigarettes - If she didn't struggle so hard - If the cigarette had fallen on the floor instead - I'd wouldn't even be here. Random stuff happens. So give me a kiss, baby-' At your side, Paridy ignores him. > Kiss paridy You're not sure you should... > You take the rock The word 'rock' is not necessary in this story. The word 'rock' is not necessary in this story. > You ask Joe about the fire Joe raises his eyebrows. 'HuhWhat?' > You look at Joe Joe is a little shorter than you are. He's well-tanned and has the soft-muscled look of a man who lifts but has never done manual labor. It looks like he has a new tattoo on his arm. It seems Joe's fighting spirit was drained away by whatever he thought he saw. He's just inclined to follow you. And indeed, it is time to get going. Soon it will be quite dark. > You ask Joe what he saw The story doesn't understand that command. Please use ASK ACTOR ABOUT TOPIC (or just A TOPIC). > You examine the tattoo You look closer at the tat on Joe's arm. It glistens slightly. Looks fresh. It's written in the Khmer alphabet - you can't tell what it says. > Inventory You are carrying your wallet, your cell phone, the fishing gear, and a fish. > You examine the fish This is a good-sized fish, a shiny white-grey in color. You're immensely proud of it and have no desire to eat it. In fact, KFC is sounding pretty good.

> Look around Pagoda (west of lake) (sitting on the ground) You are by a lake on the land of a tumble-down pagoda, visible off in the distance. Paridy sticks close by you, her hand lightly on your arm. Joe is doing his best to appear composed, but clearly it is a battle he is losing. > You stand You're already standing. > Go north Joe comes with you. Paridy comes with you. Pagoda (empty space near wall) This is a wide empy space of rubble and weeds, like an abandoned lot. Paridy sticks close by you, her hand lightly on your arm. Joe is doing his best to appear composed, but clearly it is a battle he is losing. > Kiss paridy You're not sure you should... > You talk to Joe What do you want to get out of? You already have Joe's attention. > Go north Joe comes with you. Paridy comes with you. Paridy sticks close by you, her hand lightly on your arm. Joe is doing his best to appear composed, but clearly it is a battle he is losing. > Go north Joe comes with you. Paridy comes with you. Inside the Pagoda (corner) You are just inside the busted-down corner of the wall enclosing the pagoda. The pagoda itself probably comprises about ten acres of land. To the west, somewhat past the gate, you can see small, poor dwellings, somewhat hidden by laundry hung out to dry. Immediately to the south, there is a mausoleum, and some ways beyond that there is a lake. A brook runs past the poor houses down to the lake. Paridy sticks close by you, her hand lightly on your arm. Joe is doing his best to appear composed, but clearly it is a battle he is losing. > Caress paridy Joe raises his eyebrows. 'HuhWhat?' The word 'caress' is not necessary in this story. > Go west The Khmer who live there are very poor. You don't belong. > You go to the north The pagoda wall is quite tall and solid, running west a long ways. But there is the rubble-strewn break to the northeast, where you came in. > Go northeast Joe comes with you. Paridy comes with you. The long, dusty road runs east and west. To the southwest is the busted-down corner of the pagoda wall. Further west, you can see the pagoda gates are closed. East leads a long way back to Siem Reap. Paridy sticks close by you, her hand lightly on your arm. Joe is doing his best to appear composed, but clearly it is a battle he is losing. The ending of chapter3.

[Themes: Horror] > You describe your surroundings The long, dusty road runs east and west. To the southwest is the busted-down corner of the pagoda wall. Further west, you can see the pagoda gates are closed. East leads a long way back to Siem Reap. Paridy sticks close by you, her hand lightly on your arm. Joe is doing his best to appear composed, but clearly it is a battle he is losing. Headed to Siem Reap on the road outside the pagoda, Joe collapses. A tuk-tuk - a version of the Asian pedicab, powered by a motorbike rather than a bicycle - stops and, after a shrewd appraisal of the situation, the driver offers to take you to the hospital for three or four times the normal price. Paridy sits as far away from Joe as possible. You see her looking at his arm. On his arm, you see a strange white mark on his skin. It has an odd shape. It takes you some time to realize it's shaped like a handprint, with the individual fingers clearly visible. You check Joe in to the hospital. Paridy leaves to do something. You stay with Joe. After about fifteen minutes, a Khmer doctor stops in. 'Your friend has a fever,' he tells you. 'We're running some tests.' > You examine the doctor The doctor is a small, fussy-looking Khmer man - small even for a Khmer. But he has a proud bearing. > You ask about the odd marks 'Doctor, what about these white finger-marks on his arm?' you ask. The doctor shrugs. 'Suntan lotion.' 'Suntan lotion?' you ask. 'Look, there are finger marks-' 'Of course. He applied suntan lotion unevenly; he had a handful of it, wiped it on his skin, and did not smear it evenly throughout.' 'I find that a little difficult to accept -' you begin. 'Ah, and are you a doctor?' the doctor asks cheerily. 'Excuse me. I will be back with his test results.' The doctor walks out. You look into the hall. Behind you, Joe stirs. You go over to him. He grabs you, and his grip is weak. He says: 'Random...' -and, with a dry, gutteral sound, dies. It occurs to you that in all the confusion you left the pail with the fish you caught back in the pagoda.

[Themes: Slice of life, slice of life, celebrity, drugs, drinking, autobiographical] You are standing on a train platform where people are boarding the RTD rail line in order to leave the airport. According to your online research before your trip, you gather this is your best bet to get out of this area quickly and onto your ultimate destination for the day; the La Quinta hotel near downtown Denver, Colorado. You have flown here because a month later you received an invitation from Robb Sherwin to attend his wedding. Your friend Jack "Jonathan" Flack with be there and you'd really like to see him again. Also, this is your first opportunity to finally meet Robb Sherwin. A few random people are waiting for the next train. Some tourists are staring at what looks like a mall directory. A train pulls up and stops at the end of the track. People begin to board the train to the east. There is what looks to be a small ticket booth building here. You can see a kiosk here. [Author's Note: A slice-of-life adventure in Denver, Colorado.] > You examine the mall directory This seems to be an automated ticket terminal. There is a large LED square in the middle of which displays "$9.00". > About yourself That's hard for you properly without a mirror around, but for a moment you stare down at your black khaki pants with matching black Vans brand shoes. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a wallet (closed) a phone

> You look around You are standing on a train platform where people are boarding the RTD rail line to the east in order to leave the airport. You can see a kiosk here. > You examine the ticket This ticket provides transportation on the A Line for the day. > You put the credit card in the wallet You put the credit card into the wallet. > You look at the license A North Carolina drivers license. Your picture looks pretty bad because you slept on the floor of the DMV office for three hours before having it taken. > Go east You board the train and moments later it begins to move. It's very plain inside; mostly white with blue seating. The other passengers start looking at the scenery through the window, talking amongst themselves or glancing at their cell phones. > You sit What do you want to sit on? > You examine the passengers These passengers are fairly non-desciptive. The few that are here are either talking to themselves or looking at their phones. > You examine the window Along this route you mainly see dry scrubland. Since it is June, there is no snow on the ground. A man in a uniform with some sort of scanner on his belt walks up to your seat and addresses you. "Ticket, sir." "Okay. Here you go." you say while handing him the ticket. He thanks you and heads down to the next row. About 20 minutes later, you arrive at your destination. You admire the city for the first time. There are kids playing in an area with water spouts popping out of the sidewalk. It feels comfortable to you here despite the temperature. The humidity level is much lower than back home! You take a deep breath of the dry air. Streets lead off in many directions. You looked at this area in Google Maps a few times before you got here; just enough to know it's not practical to walk to your hotel from here. You should probably "call Robb" to let him know you have arrived in Denver. > You call Robb Robb answers the phone. "Hello?" "Hey Robb! I just landed, man! Now how do I get out of here?" "That's awesome. Do you need me to get you a ride? I'll get you a ride. Can't wait to see you buddy! Oh. Wait. What should I call you when I introduce you to my parents and stuff? I mean.. other than Jiz?" Robb replies. After talking a little longer, a black SUV promptly pulls up across the street. You cancel the call after muttering "Think he's here. Bye." A while man in it spots you in a red Neo Geo MVS shirt you told Robb that you would be wearing. "Robb?" he says as you approach the vehicle. Failure to communicate something here, but close enough. You enter the vehicle which takes you to.. Here you have arrived at the parking lot of the La Quinta hotel. There is a pool here on the other side of a gate which a father and his two kids in swimming trunks are skipping along their way to take a dip in. As you stand around taking in the loud sound of trains idling on the two or three tracks wihin about one hundred yards of the hotel and notice a little area with a picnic table and trashcan by the fence, you hear the sound of the two young boys crying as you notice them walk back into their room. The father slams one of the doors to the west behind them. The hotel lobby is to the northeast and the street is to the east.. You can see the door to room 302 here. > Go northeast This bare lobby has two features; a desk and a woman covered in tattoos behind it. The only exit is to the door to the southwest. The receptionist addresses you and asks for your reservation information. After she punches a few things into a computer, she hands you your keycard and informs you that checkout time is eleven in the morning. You can see a receptionist here. > You look at the keycard The keycard has the number "302" on it. > You ask the receptionist about the pool "We're waiting on someone to come fix it. Sorry." > Go southwest You are standing between the fence blocking the pool and the picnic area in the La Quinta parking lot. The loud hum of trains idling nearby fills the air. The hotel lobby is to the northeast and the street is to the east and opposite to the west are all the hotel room doors. You can see the door to room 302 here. > You enter door (first opening the door to room 302) It seems to be locked. > You unlock door What do you want to unlock the door to room 302 with? > Keycard You unlock the door to room 302. > You enter door (first opening the door to room 302) You walk into your room and look around. It looks pretty clean at first glance, but when you peel back the blanket on the first of your two beds closest to the window, you notice a hair in the bed and a stain on the pillow. That won't do. The second bed near the bathroom looks cleaner and you lay down on it for a bit to relax after the trip. Due to the excitement of your new surroundings, you can't sleep it all, but you feel better after about twenty minutes. Suddenly, your phone rings and you answer it. "Hey man!" You recognize that voice. It's your friend; Mr. "Jonathan" Jack Flack! "What's up, Flack?" "What's up dude? Looks like everyone is headed over to the Hipster Draft House soon. You need a ride?" "Nah, I'll just walk." you reply. "I wanna walk around and check out the area a little bit on the way." "You sure? That's cool. See you there. Later!" says Flack as he ends the call. You can see the door to the parking lot here. > You examine the phone Your little Android phone you bought from Walmart for 40$. It isn't great, but it gets you by. The door to the parking lot slowly closes. > You go east (first opening the door to the parking lot) You are standing between the fence blocking the pool and the picnic area in the La Quinta parking lot. The loud hum of trains idling nearby fills the air. The hotel lobby is to the northeast and the street is to the east and opposite to the west are all the hotel room doors. You can see the door to room 302 here. > You close the door You close the door to room 302. > You lock the door What do you want to lock the door to room 302 with? > Keycard You lock the door to room 302. > You go east This large bridge has plenty of sidewalk on each side for pedestrians and an excellent view of the Rocky Mountains. Downtown Denver is to the south. Up the street to the northeast you see a large box-shaped building with a plain sign next to it. The La Quinta hotel is to the west. In the far distance to the east, you see the peaks of the Rocky Mountains. > You look at the sign It's a large, square, white sign with a large green medical cross on it. Underneath is the word "PURE Marijuana Dispensary". > You go northeast You walk into what looks like a waiting room for a dental practice office, but there are no patients sitting here. A friendly merchant behind the counter greets you. "Hey, how's it going? Never been here before? I will need you to give me some identification to let you through to see the merchandise." she says. You can see the merchant here. > You open the wallet That's already open. > You show the license to the merchant (first taking the drivers license) You will need to actually give it to her. Showing it to her from the other side of the counter is not going to cut it. > You give the license to the merchant You hand your ID to the merchant. She enters a few things into a computer and hands it back to. Then, you hear a buzz coming from a door near the counter. "Please come on in." the merchant says. You walk into a room containing many glass jars filled with different types of marijuana. The clean-shaven man behind the counter greets you and asks "So, what are you looking for? Would you consider yourself a light user?" He probably wouldn't assume that if you didn't just get a haircut for this trip you think to yourself. "Actually, no. I'm uh.. pretty heavy duty if you know what I mean." You respond. Oh. Well.. okay. This here is over 25% percent THC. It's called Dead Head and.. "I'll take that." you respond. And so, after a quick walk to the back of the building to use the ATM (They don't accept credit cards, apparently.) and 10 minutes later, you walk out with your product in a medicine bottle, something to smoke it with, and something to burn it with. You pocket your new stash and head back out to the street. This large bridge has plenty of sidewalk on each side for pedestrians and an excellent view of the Rocky Mountains. Downtown Denver is to the south. Up the street to the northeast you see a large box-shaped building with a plain sign next to it. The La Quinta hotel is to the west. In the far distance to the east, you see the peaks of the Rocky Mountains. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a stash a drivers license a keycard a wallet (open) a credit card a phone > You look at the stash Your weed stash. You can "smoke stash" at any time when you are carrying it, but you probably want to refrain from doing so in public. > You put the license and keycard in the wallet drivers license: Done. keycard: Done. > You go south This is just one small section of the rest of downtown Denver, but at the moment your destination is the Hipster Draft House to the west. Artistic graffiti marks most of the sides of the buildings down the nearby alleyways. People are strolling about everywhere around you. The Park Avenue Bridge is back to the north. > You look at the graffiti You usually don't like seeing graffiti, as you think it just looks tacky. However, this is some really cool artwork featuring multi-colored geometric shapes and letters with extreme detail. > You look at the people This area seems to attract a fairly young crowd. They all look quite common with exception to noticing a few people dresses as Marvel superheroes. There must have been a local comic book convention or something. > Go west You stroll into the large, open doors into a bar with very minimal decor. The main point of interest is one wall is filled with beer taps. You look around a while for someone you know. There are not many people here yet. Quickly, you notice Flack waving at you from a nearby table. Plain, wooden tables and benches on the concrete floor fill the room; slightly resembling a German beer hall. Maybe I should "ask Flack about beer". You can see Flack here. > You ask Flack about the beer You walk over to Flack and say "What's up, Flack? Good to see you again!" "Good to see you, man." he replies. "So hey, how do you get beer around here anyway? I see beer taps on the wall that people are just helping themselves to. This place is high tech!" you say. "Yeah man. Check it out.." he replies as he explains how the tap system works. At this point, all you have to do is "take beer" if you want another one. Or three. You pick what seems to be the strongest lager they have on tap and drink it down while talking with Flack about Denver. > You take the beer You pour a large glass of beer and drink it down over the course of a few minutes. It's very excellent beer and you could certainly go for another. Flack asks you about your flight. You explain that it was one of the roughest you had ever ridden. There was a lot of turbulence or something because the plane hopped in the air more often that smoothly flying through it. "Oh man. That sucks." he replies. > You examine Flack Mr. Jack "Jonathan" Flack. You've met only once before in person, but have always had a sort of strange "friend you always knew but hadn't met" connection. If you had met when you were much younger, you probably would have spent a lot of time riding skateboards and messing with Commodore 64 computers together. He has wizard-like facial features and is built like a bouncer at a Slayer concert. This is not a man to be messed with. Some dude with a shaved head a weird, skinny, braided little beard introduces himself to you as John and starts talking. And talking. Mostly about himself and females in the room. You distance yourself as far away from him as quickly as possible > You ask Jack about robb There is no reply. You hear some cheering as someone walks in. It's Robb Sherwin! He's surrounded by people, but maybe you could manage to "ask robb about tomorrow" and finally meet in person for the first time. > You ask Robb about the tomorrow You wade through a few people to get to Robb Sherwin. "Robb!" you exclaim. "Really nice to finally meet you in person." You shake his hand and ask "Nervous about tomorrow?" "You know.. surprisingly, not at all!" He responds. You talk some about each others arcade games, and he mentions you should join the others going to his house later to check out his basement arcade. Flack enters the conversation for a while and the three of you are all in agreement that you wish that your mutual friend Roody Yogurt could have made an appearance this weekend. > You take the beer You pour a large glass of beer and drink it down over the course of a few minutes. It's very excellent beer and you could certainly go for another. You hear an eruption of laughter at a nearby table. Food is offered by a passing staff member, and you grab a hamburger slider which you gobble down in four bites. > You take the beer You pour a large glass of beer and drink it down over the course of a few minutes. It's very excellent beer and you could certainly go for another. > You take the shower What the hell? There's no soap in here! Guess I need to go to the hotel lobby and "ask receptionist about soap". Ridiculous. > Go northeast This bare lobby has two features; a desk and a woman covered in tattoos behind it. The only exit is to the door to the southwest. You can see a receptionist here. > You ask receptionist about soap "Um.. do you have soap? There's not any in my shower." you ask the receptionist. "Sure. Here you go." she says as she hands you a small bar of soap wrapped in paper. "Thanks." you reply as you pocket the soap. > Go southwest You are standing between the fence blocking the pool and the picnic area in the La Quinta parking lot. The loud hum of trains idling nearby fills the air. The hotel lobby is to the northeast and the street is to the east and opposite to the west are all the hotel room doors. You can see the door to room 302 here. > Go west You are in your room at the La Quinta. There's not much here and it's certainly not very fancy, but that's fine. You won't be here long. It just seems rather run down for one hundred and thirty dollars a night even if it is this close to the Coors baseball field. The door out is to the east. You can see the door to the parking lot here. > You close the door You close the door to the parking lot. > You look at the soap A very small bar of plain soap. > You take the shower You jump in the beige shower and get cleaned up. After drying off and putting on clean clothes, you feel refreshed. Hm. Where is your ride? You should probably "call Flack". You were afraid the phone would ring or the phone would ring during the soap fiasco, but neither have occurred. > You call Flack You call Flack. After a few rings he answers. "What's up man?" "Hey man! Are you on your way to pick you up?" you ask. Long, silent pause. "Uh.. I thought you were going to take an Uber or something. Why don't you do that? We're like almost there. Sorry man!" Flack replies before letting you go. Damn it! This is not good. You don't know where to begin to get yourself a ride. You look up how far it is to walk. Over an hour and the directions look a bit confusing, even on paper. The last thing you want to be doing is walking around like an idiot for a few hours in Denver while missing what you came here for in the first place. You download the Uber app. The account creation process, your phone, or both is going way slow. Your heart starts pounding as panic sets in. After about ten minutes of this frantic moment, Flack dials your phone again. Maybe he's curious as to if you got a ride or not. "Hey man!" Flack says. "I guess you didn't get a ride yet. Look, we just left Walmart and my wife checked the GPS and says we've got time to get you." "Are you sure? I won't make you late?" you ask. "We won't miss anything man. We've got time." he says. "Dude, I really appreciate this! I was really starting to panic there!" you reply. After getting off the phone, you grab a collared shirt with a tie you already put a windsor knot in, you briefly wait in the parking lot to wait for your ride. It arrives within minutes to take you to a large park where the wedding is being held. You march along with Mr. and Mrs. Flack across a long field of grass up a low hill towards a lone fancy-looking structure. Surely this is the right place. Otherwise, there is going to be a lot more trekking across this park and you are running out of time. Once you reach the top of the hill, it's obvious you are finally here. Many people are here talking and laughing. Flack and his wife go their seperate way for a while to mingle with others. You can see Jason and Flack here. > You examine Jason Mr. Jason "Textfiles" Scott. You had heard he was going to be here, but actually seeing him here feels a bit surreal. Aside from reading textfiles.com in the late nineties, a short misunderstanding on a MUD many years later, and a few Twitter exchanges, you don't really have any affiliation with him. He is roughly your height and has a very happy air about him. This guy looks as glad to be alive and here at this wedding as you are. He's wearing a black hat and a very fancy red blazer. You hear a young, male voice exclaim "That's WONDERFUL!" You notice Jason Scott walking away from the pizza line. Maybe you should "ask Jason about Durham" because that's the only topic you can think of to bring up to him. You think he was there recently, and that's about a forty minute drive from where your house is. > You ask Jason about the durham ""You walk up to Jason and introduce yourself by your real name and tell him that it's great to meet him. He stares directly into your eyes and asks "I'm sorry. Who are you? How would I know you?" "Uh.. I'm Jizaboz on.." you begin to say as he cuts you off. "Ohhh you! Right, Right. I think Robb mentioned you were coming." he replies. "Yeah, I flew in from North Carolina. This is my first time in Denver. Weren't you in Durham, North Carolina not that long ago?" you ask. You end up having a short but good conversation. You learn that both of you had relatives that were treated at the main hospital in Durham. After he walks off, someone offers you a Miller Lite. Not your favorite beer by any means, but it's hot out here and you are thirsty. You drink it quickly and deposit the can in a recycling bin. Some random, sweaty jogger dude jogs up to your area, looks around, then jogs off around the pond.

> Look around You are standing by a large pond at the wedding. There is a huge line to a pizza truck nearby. Many people are standing around talking and drinking, most of them are outside where you are instead of where tables are. You can see Jason and Flack here. Some awful jackass helps himself to a piece of the uncut wedding cake, then disappears. > You examine the pond This large pond is so symmetrically rounded that you assume it is man made rather than natural. There is a fountain way out in the center of it. > You look You are standing by a large pond at the wedding. There is a huge line to a pizza truck nearby. Many people are standing around talking and drinking, most of them are outside where you are instead of where tables are. You can see Jason and Flack here. > You ask Flack about the ride There is no reply. You have had a great time on this trip. You got to talk to many interesting people and have formed closer friendships. Most importantly, you met Robb Sherwin! On the way out, Robb invites you back to his place early tomorrow morning before your flight and offers to give you a ride to the nearest train terminal. You gladly accept. Once there, you get to play his various arcade games alone for a bit. At least, you think you are alone. In a dark corner behind you, there lies a ball of fur! Upon closer examination, you see it is a long-haired cat. This must be the legendary cat "Frobozz". "Hello friend. I'm Robb's friend too. You look like a sleepy cat. Ok, friend. I'll let you be. Nice meeting you." you say to the cat as you go return to playing games.

[Themes: Humor, Action, Romance] In the act of dying, one feels like making an ominous voice-over. The end began a few months ago. My husband, Paul, had been abducted by a mad scientist called Frénesie, who took him to Mercury for secret experiments. After I escaped Voodoo Island with Elvis Presley and convinced him to become Justin Bieber's new manager, I focused my energies on getting Paul back. Surprisingly, this was easier then I thought, what with the Alien Technology from two games ago around. I bribed someone to build a portal to Mercury on the golf course next to our house. As I sat in the golf cart, all suited up, I had little notion this might become... Golf course (in the golf cart) You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting thing is a shimmering and whispering portal, to the east. [Author's Note: This year, our heroes try to escape a prison on Mercury, which is luckily very earth-like.] > You examine the cart A new Alien Tech(tm) powered golf cart stand here. It looks remarkably like the three you crashed. Luckily, Mercury is so close to Earth in temperature and atmosphere that it needs no changes whatsoever. > About yourself You're Alex, lovable sociopath. > Inventory You are carrying: Can of Spray Cheese > Go east You drive through the portal - "Whee!" - Luckily nobody heard that. You emerge on the rim of a gargantuan crater, which houses a nice little building called "Dr. Frenesies secret cloning lab and prison" in big, friendly letters. What do you know, there is even a space tank patrolling below. A person is standing in the manhole. You wave and only realize that it is a sharkman when you see the flash of cannon. The many microwave pizzas lately make it hard, but you jump from the cart in time, before the shot hits the front axle and the whole golf cart tumbles into the crater as a result! Thank god it was build by the same guys as the Halo warthog, so it lands right side up and unscathed, apart from the broxen axle. Another shot hits the empty plain behind you! Better make for the building to the north. The sun is huge and brilliant here, casting everything in that harsh and unforgiven light they have in changing rooms. There is unimplemented plain all around you, except for the portal to the west and the building to the north. > You go to the north This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside. An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket. There is a trap here with a Mercury Rat caught in it. > You examine Rat Aww, just look at it. It has pear-shaped body, with small, scrawnly leg and feet. Its thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. It looks at you cautiously. > You take all from the ashtray Taken. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a winner ticket Can of Spray Cheese > You examine the ticket (the winner ticket) Oh, someone mistook the third tentacle face on this for a sun. It's actually a winning ticket fot the Saturn Trip lottery! > Pet Rat Better free it first. I mean, if you want to. You can just leave it, you know. This is IF. You totally have a choice. > You look at the trap A fiendish thing! It just has big red button labelled "DON'T PUSH!" Too bad mercury rats are literate and curious. Always a bad combination. The rat has one of its legs trapped under a metal bar. Occasionally it pulls on it, in vain, then looks at you with pleading, big dark eyes. > You get cigarette You better leave it. The owner might come back soon. > Open bar You pry open the par effortlessly. The rat jumps out of the trap clumsily, due in part to his excess tummy and his injured leg. It sits by the side of the Building and eyes you warily. > Pet Rat It scutters away from you. You need to earn its trust somehow. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a winner ticket Can of Spray Cheese > You feed Rat What do you want to feed the rat? > You spray Rat You spray the rat in the face with the cheese. It makes quite the surprise faced before it licks all the cheese of its face, then sits (oh, it's a man rat) and goes about cleaning the remainder of its whiskers. The rat rubs his tiny hand across his face one last time and looks at you lovingly. Looks like you made a friend. You feel like giving it a name. > Name rat marius The rat is now known as marius.(If you don't like it anymore, just name it "nothing)". > Pet Rat You scratch him between the ears, and he sits very still and closes his eyes. > Name rat nothing You revoke your choice of rat-name. > Name rat marius The rat is now known as Marius.(If you don't like it anymore, just name it "nothing)". > You take Rat He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries. > Show ticket to Rat (the winner ticket to Marius) Marius is unimpressed. > You examine the door A metal door. > You open the door It seems to be locked. > You take the trap That's fixed in place. > You take bar That seems to be a part of the Trap. > You give the ticket to Rat (the winner ticket to Marius) Marius doesn't seem interested. > You open the door Marius has better things to do.

[Themes: Humor, Action, Romance] > You look around This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside. An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket. There is a trap here . You can also see Marius here. > You go north (first opening Metal door) It seems to be locked. > You spray Rat The rat opens his mouth to catch most of the cheese then sits, chewing happily. Then he cleans his whiskers and rubs his face clean with tiny hands before licking those clean, too. Aww. > You search Ashtray The Ashtray is empty. > You unlock door What do you want Marius to unlock Metal door with? > Go south The sun is huge and brilliant here, casting everything in that harsh and unforgiven light they have in changing rooms. There is unimplemented plain all around you, except for the portal to the west and the building to the north. Marius arrives from the north. > You go to the east The plain is vast and empty, just like your soul. (Oh, burn!) > You go to the north This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside. An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket. There is a trap here . Marius arrives from the south. > Wave ticket (the winner ticket) You look ridiculous waving the winner ticket. > You read the ticket (the winner ticket) Oh, someone mistook the third tentacle face on this for a sun. It's actually a winning ticket fot the Saturn Trip lottery!

[Themes: Humor, Action, Romance] > You look around This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside. An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket. There is a trap here . You can also see Marius here. > You take all smoking cigarette: You better leave it. The owner might come back soon. lottery ticket: Taken. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a lottery ticket a winner ticket Can of Spray Cheese > You examine the lottery ticket A lottery ticket for Dr. Frenesies annual Saturn Trip Lottery. Someone didn't win. > You read the ticket Which do you mean, the lottery ticket or the winner ticket? > You put Rat in Ashtray (first taking Marius) He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries. > You get in Ashtray Marius has better things to do. > Burn lottery ticket This dangerous act would achieve little. > Kiss Rat You run a hand across his soft back, and he arches it, cat-like, with half-closed eyes. > You look at the cigarette The cigarette is still smoking, the owner must've gone inside for a few moments. How you hate timed puzzles.

[Themes: Romance, Action, Humor] > Look around This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside. An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette. There is a trap here . You can also see Marius here. > You put the winner ticket on Ashtray You put the winner ticket on ashtray. > You go south The sun is huge and brilliant here, casting everything in that harsh and unforgiven light they have in changing rooms. There is unimplemented plain all around you, except for the portal to the west and the building to the north. Marius arrives from the north. A sharkmen janitor comes through the door and picks up the cigarette, totally oblivious to you, even though you're mentioned in his room description. He takes up the ticket and sighs. "I would've loved to go to Saturn, Steve went and he- Holy Fin, what is this?" He takes out a pair of glasses and peers at the ticket. "I won! Screw this job." He takes right off, to the northnortheast, where there is a huge barrack in the distance. Behind him, the door begins to close slowly. > You go to the north This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside. An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a winner ticket and a smoking cigarette. There is a trap here . Marius arrives from the south. > You get the ticket (the winner ticket) Taken. > You go to the north This looks like a maintenance room, with a ladder leading down. Marius arrives from the south.

[Themes: Action, Humor, Romance] > You go downwards This room is equally superfluos and has a door leading east. The rat clambers down the ladder with surprising grace, considering his girth. Marius seems scared of something and runs outside. > Go east Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south. > Go north This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend. A cloning machine sits in a corner. > You examine the cloning machine It has two vats, one enterable, and an input slot. Looks like without a Data iPod in it, the machine just clones what is in it. It has a big, red lever labelled "CLONE" and not much else. Yep, an Apple product. > Pet slot Keep your mind on the game. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a winner ticket a lottery ticket Can of Spray Cheese > You enter the machine You get into the cloning machine. > You pull the lever The machine begins to hum softly, and the lever jumps back into position. > You wait a while Time passes. The pod hisses shut pneumatically. Nothing happens for a second or two, then both pods hiss open and a figure emerges from the second one. > You go outside You get out of the cloning machine. This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend. A cloning machine sits in a corner. You can also see your clone here. > Examine clone As good-looking (a clone) as ever. The clone suddenly grabs his face, "Ah, oh no, the horrors of technology" and melts into a pool of green go. Hm, a touching plea to proceed with care in matters of human cloning. > You put the Cheese in the machine You put Can of Spray Cheese into the cloning machine. The metal door falls shut with a pneumatic hiss. > Wait Time passes. The machine gives an annoying error sound, and nothing happens. > You get the Cheese Taken.

[Themes: Romance, Action, Humor] > Look around This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend. A cloning machine sits in a corner. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: Can of Spray Cheese a winner ticket a lottery ticket > Go south Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while. On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button. > Go south You sneak down the hallway to the next cell. And there Paul sits, sullenly on a cot, eyes down, shoulders slumped. You lean agsainst the frame nonchalantly. "Hey handsome" Paul's eyes light up and he jumps to his feet and grabs the bars. "I knew you'd come to rescue us!" "Us? I was thinking of just rescuing you!" Paul puts his hands on his hips and furrows his brow. "Is that so? How would you feel if someone left you in prison?" You avert his gaze and try to dig in the prison floor with your boot. "Pretty terrible." you murmur. He pats you through the bars. "Well done. Now get us out. Man, am I happy to see you." He smiles. You turn away. "Me too." Dang, you must have some dust in your eye. Paul's Cell Paul sits here gloomily, awaiting his rescue. > You examine Paul His beard has become a bit more scraggly since you last saw him, far too long ago, and his frame looks thin and fragile in the prison pyjamas. But he's alive. > You ask Paul about Rat You can only do that to something animate. > You talk to Paul "Free us, then we can have all the Quip-based conversations you want." > Go south Paul sits here gloomily, awaiting his rescue. > You go to the south You continue down the hallway, and Paul whispers: "That's a Venusian warrior woman..." "So men really are from Mars and women ..." "No dear, gender is artificial construct that's not helping anyone." "Can she understand us?" "I learnt a few pheases, but we don't have time for chit-chat. Maybe latter." The Venusian's warrior woman sits here, awaiting rescue. > You examine the woman She has silvery skin, golden her put up in a tight bun, and wears full body chain mail. Black, pearl eyes look at you unblinking. > You go to the south This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south. Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask. > You examine Rask Without going into too much detail, it looks like he died a humiliating and avoidable death. > You search body Aha! You found a datachip. > You look at datachip Looks like it's a DNA scrambler. It will rearrange all those little letters in your genes at random. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a datachip Can of Spray Cheese a winner ticket a lottery ticket > You go to the south This is a small reception area. A huge metal gate leads outside, to the south. Marius runs towards you from under a chair. > You examine the gate A huge metal gate, padlocked, with a small window inside it. > You look at the window You can see the tank outside, patrolling, and the sad sight of your golf cart, front axle broken. > You go to the north This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south. Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask. Marius arrives from the south. > You go north The Venusian's warrior woman sits here, awaiting rescue. Marius arrives from the south. > You go to the north Paul sits here gloomily, awaiting his rescue. Marius arrives from the south. > You go north Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while. On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button. Marius arrives from the south. > Go north Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south. Marius arrives from the south. > Go north This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend. A cloning machine sits in a corner. Marius arrives from the south. > You put the datachip in the slot You slide it into the slot. > You put Marius in the machine (first taking Marius) He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries. > You enter the machine Marius has better things to do. > Wait Time passes. The machine goes *beep* *boom* *clang* and something metallic is spit out of the other pod. You hear a puff as the datachip disintegrates. Must've been one use only. > You wait Time passes. > Exit You get out of the cloning machine. This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend. A cloning machine sits in a corner. You can also see an axle and Marius here. > Go south Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south. Marius arrives from the north. > You go to the south Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while. On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button. Marius arrives from the north. > You look at the axle A perfectly fine front axle for a golf cart. > You push the button Marius has better things to do. > Spray button You spray the button with cheese. The rat squeezes his plump belly through the bars and scuttles up the wall. He looks at you, right below the button, then gives you a claw-up as he pushes it. All hell breaks loose. Screeching alarm sirens sound throughout the prison. The guard jumps to his feet and pulls a huge Kerkerkruip rifle from the table. "Die, person who reminds me of my lost humanity quite painfully!" The bite in his ankle from Marius, who has come to your aid , seems even more painful. You grab the gun and take three shots to drop him, what with his hopping on one foot at all. Paul runs from his cell and into your arms. You hold him for a blissful second, then nod at the Venusian woman behind him. Paul looks at the dead guard. "I told you not to kill indiscriminately anymore, huzzie." You look to the ground, mumbling "Sorry". "Now, let's make for the gate. They'll send more guards through the Ventilation Building any second." The three of you run for the reception area. You suddenly don't feel safe at all. No, not safe at all. You hope you can save the four of you. This is a small reception area. Paul and the Venusian stand here. A huge metal gate leads outside, to the south. Marius runs towards you from under a chair. A huge group of Sharkmen burst through the door at the far end of the corridor and spot you immediately. "Get them!" shouts their leader. They start running towards you.

[Themes: Humor, Action, Romance] > Describe the surroundings Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while. On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button. You can see Marius here. > You go south (first opening Gate) It seems to be locked. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > You shoot the Sharkmen (with the Kerkerkruip gun) You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text. "The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor. > You keep going (with the Kerkerkruip gun) You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text. The first few sharkmen throw themselves to the ground and take aim at you. > Keep going (with the Kerkerkruip gun) You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text. The sharkmen open fire. > You give the gun to the woman Venusian warrior woman isn't able to receive things. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > You examine the gun The latest in sharkmen technology. It's said one needs to be really focused to use one of these. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > Go north This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south. Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask. Marius arrives from the south. "The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor. > Go inside You can't go that way. The first few sharkmen throw themselves to the ground and take aim at you. > You go east You can't go that way. The sharkmen open fire. > Go north The cell is empty. The hallway continues south. Marius arrives from the south. The sharkmen open fire.

> You open Gate with the axle That doesn't seem to fit the lock. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > Break gate Violence isn't the answer to this one. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > You drop the Cheese Dropped. > You leave You get out of the cloning machine. This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend. A cloning machine sits in a corner. You can also see Marius here. > You enter machine You get into the cloning machine. In the cloning machine you can see Can of Spray Cheese. > Shoot gate (with the Kerkerkruip gun) That's no way to settle any kind of argument. At least, that's what the law says. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.

[Themes: Humor, Romance, Action] > You look around This is a small reception area. Paul and the Venusian stand here. A huge metal gate leads outside, to the south. You can also see Marius here. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > You shoot the Sharkmen (with the Kerkerkruip gun) You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > Keep going (with the Kerkerkruip gun) You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text. "The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor. > You shoot yourself (with the Kerkerkruip gun) That's no way to settle any kind of argument. At least, that's what the law says. The sharkmen open fire. > You concentrate You concentrate, and are now mildly concentrated. The sharkmen open fire. > You concentrate You concentrate, and are now mildly concentrated. "Oh shit! Alex, kill them!" "What happened to not killing indiscriminately?" "Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!" The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet. > Continue You concentrate, and are now quite concentrated. "The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor. > You continue You concentrate, and are now maximally concentrated. The first few sharkmen throw themselves to the ground and take aim at you. > You shoot the Sharkmen (with the Kerkerkruip gun) Fully focused, you go into bullet time and PEW PEW BOOM ARGH PEW PEW BOOM ARGH ARGH PEW OH NO ARGH PEW DUCK PEW PEW PEW PEW Isn't text just a great medium for action scenes? Anyway, all the sharkmen are dead. The Venusian nods at you approvingly, then she confers with Paul in whispered tones. You try not to look jealous. "Okay", says Paul, "there is tunnel build by the Mercurian resistance (which was cut out of the game because someone ran out of time). It is behind one of those crater walls." The Alien Warrior points through the small window at one section of the crater wall, and you have a pretty good idea of which one she means. "You need to get the tank to shoot at it, dear." "Um, I'm on foot, and the Kerkerkruip gun is empty. Might as well throw it away" (which you do) "Maybe if you could find a way to repair the golf cart, we'd have a chance. Our venusian friend here is a good mechanic. Just give any repair parts to her." > Inventory You are carrying: an axle Can of Spray Cheese a winner ticket a lottery ticket > You give the axle to Venusian She takes the axle with gret reverence, and Paul rubs your back lovingly. "Okay, now you need to distract the tank while she installs it." "Just one sec.... How do I distract a tank?" "One, you are the protagonist. Two, these sharkmen were breed from the Internet generation and white sharks. It shouldn't be to hard to distract them." Paul unlocks the gate. "Go get'em, Tiger." > Go south Really? You're not sure you feel "save" out there. > Go south (first opening Gate) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) A huge metal gate leads inside, to the north. The space tank is here. Marius arrives from the north. > You get on the tank That's not something you can enter. The laser turret fires straight at you! > Go south You try to outrun the tank, but have no luck. The laser turret fires straight at you! > You check your inventory You are carrying: Can of Spray Cheese a winner ticket a lottery ticket The laser turret fires straight at you! > You look at the tank With its thick, bluish metal armor and black ugly chains, the tank looks imepenetrable. A sharkmen in a thick helmet is standing in the manhole and aiming the huge laser turret. At you, if that's of interest. The laser turret fires straight at you! > Go north The cell is empty. The hallway continues south. Marius arrives from the south. > Go north The cell is empty. The hallway continues south. Marius arrives from the south. > Go north An empty room. The sharkman's phone has fallen to the floor. Marius arrives from the south. > You look at the phone An iPhone, specifically adapted for plump sharkmen hand. Looks like the Sharkman was playing Fruit Ninja. > You take the phone Marius seems to be quite interested in it. Taken. > Go north Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south. Marius arrives from the south. > You give the phone to Marius Marius is utterly captivated. He paws the screen adorably and even hits one or two fruits. Aw man! How cute. This would be a youtube hit. > Go south Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south. Marius arrives from the north. > You examine Marius Aww, just look at it. It has pear-shaped body, with small, scrawnly leg and feet. Its thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. It looks at you lovingly. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: Cellphone Can of Spray Cheese a winner ticket a lottery ticket > You go to the south An empty room. Marius arrives from the north. > You go south The cell is empty. The hallway continues south. Marius arrives from the north. > You go south The cell is empty. The hallway continues south. Marius arrives from the north. > You go to the south This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south. Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask. Marius arrives from the north. > Go south This is a small reception area. Paul and the Venusian stand here. A huge metal gate leads outside, to the south. Marius arrives from the north. > You give the phone to Marius The sharkmen removes his helmet and stares at the rat. "Guys, guys!" he shouts down into the tank. "Are you seeing this? That's adorable." A hollow voice answers: "I have it on the screen. Man, that's so cute! A rat playing Fruit Ninja. I could watch it all day. Or at least, until something brings my attention back to the task at hand." You sprint over to the golf cart, where the Venusian gives you a thumbs up. You high-five her and start the motor. Paul comes running, and he, the warrior woman and the rat pool onto the back seat. You put it into gear and hit the gas. The cart soon reaches a neck-breaking 15 mph. Upper Western Wall (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > Go west You can't go that way. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The turret fires - lousily. It hits the crater wall behind you. > You go east Plain (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) A huge metal gate leads inside, to the north. In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > Go north The cart won't fit. It's not a miniature golf cart, ha ha ha. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The turret fires - lousily. It hits the crater wall behind you. > You go east Upper Eastern Wall (in the golf cart) This is the place the Venusian indicated earlier! There is a crumbling crack in the wall, too. In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > You examine the crack Behind it lies your path to freedom. The turret fires - lousily. It hits the crumbling wall behind you, which reveals a tunnel. "Hooray!" says Paul, and even Marius squeals happily. "Now we only need to get rid of the tank and escape a planet 138 million miles from Earth." "And that's only when they furthest apart!" you add, helpfully. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. > Go north Tunnel (in the golf cart) You are in the ancient resistence tunnel. Spiderwebs indicate it hasn't been used in a while, or that the resistance are all arachnophobic. Or not very clean. Maybe spider webs don't indicate that much. The way south leads back to the crater, while there seems to be some sort of bridge to the north. In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. > You go north The Venusian graps Paul's arm and whispers to him urgently, while you take point and step onto the bridge. It's small, and amateurishly carved out of the stone. To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. "Seems safe eno..." Then something steps out of the shadows at the other end of the bridge, something huge and horrible. The kind of creature that would have Lovecraft scramble for his dictionary. Slavering fangs, razor-sharp claws and horrible gurgling noises ... You turn around to warn the others, but then the grue is already upon you, and swipes you off the bridge with her razor-sharp claws. With a bloodied and mangled face, you hurtle screaming into the dark. ***You have died.*** To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis... Oh no! The love of your life has fallen beyond time and memory :-( > You go to the south Middle Eastern Wall (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > You go south Lower Eastern Wall (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > Go west Southern Wall (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > You go west Lower Western Wall (in the golf cart) An overhang of rock towers here into the crater. In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > Go north Middle Western Wall (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > You go east center (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > Go north Plain (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) A huge metal gate leads inside, to the north. In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > Go west Upper Western Wall (in the golf cart) You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included) In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > You enter the overhang That's not something you can enter. The turret fires - lousily. It hits the overhang behind you. "Oh sh-" says Paul before the whole cart is engulfed in a dust cloud. You steer this way and that, just hoping you don't hit any walls and emerge to the north of the cloud. Marius covers his nose and sneezes. The Venusian clears dust from her face with a dignified wipe of her hand. Unfortunaley, the overhang has missed the tank. The dust covering the gunner makes him look even more like a white shark. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. > Go west Lower Western Wall (in the golf cart) The overhang has fallen to the crater floor. Looks suspiciously like a ramp. In the golf cart you can see Marius. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The tank pursues you! > You go upwards You can't go that way. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. > You enter the overhang That's not something you can enter. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The laser turret fires straight at you! > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The laser turret fires straight at you! > Go west You can't go that way. Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap. The laser turret fires straight at you! > You drive over the overhang With a screeching handbrake turn, you line up the cart, the ramp and the tank. "What are you doing?" shouts Paul and grabs the seat in front of him. "I'm going Mario on these suckers!" You hit the pedal, and the golf cart accelerates, up the makeshift ramp. For a second, it's all frozen, the cart in the air, the sharkman gaping up open mouthed- then he screams "Three days from retirement!" before the cart crashes down on him. And catches fire. Quickly. "To the tunnel!" you shout and grab Paul's hand. As the four of you reach the tunnel, tank and cart explode behind you. "The owner of that golf club must really, really hate you by now" says Paul, giggling. You hold him for a moment and ruffle his hair. The Venusian says something, and Paul frowns, not comprehending. "She asked if we have source of darkness." "Must be poetic Venusian language for something. We'll worry about it later."You grab Paul's hand and together you go north, into the tunnel. Marius hopples behind you. You are in the ancient resistence tunnel. Spiderwebs indicate it hasn't been used in a while, or that the resistance are all arachnophobic. Or not very clean. Maybe spider webs don't indicate that much. The way south leads back to the crater, while there seems to be some sort of bridge to the north. > You go north The Venusian graps Paul's arm and whispers to him urgently, while you take point and step onto the bridge. It's small, and amateurishly carved out of the stone. To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. "Seems safe eno..." Then something steps out of the shadows at the other end of the bridge, something huge and horrible. The kind of creature that would have Lovecraft scramble for his dictionary. Slavering fangs, razor-sharp claws and horrible gurgling noises ... You turn around to warn the others, but then the grue is already upon you, and swipes you off the bridge with her razor-sharp claws. With a bloodied and mangled face, you hurtle screaming into the dark. ***You have died.*** To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis... Oh no! The love of your life has fallen beyond time and memory :-(

> Look around To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. Marius stands before the monster, back arched. The Venusian stands a few feet off, clenching and unclenching her fist uncertainly. A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis... > You examine grue Indescribable. > You examine venusian She has silvery skin, golden her put up in a tight bun, and wears full body chain mail. Black, pearl eyes look at you unblinking. > Go south You are in the ancient resistence tunnel. Spiderwebs indicate it hasn't been used in a while, or that the resistance are all arachnophobic. Or not very clean. Maybe spider webs don't indicate that much. The way south leads back to the crater, while there seems to be some sort of bridge to the north. Marius arrives from the north. > You go south You hear approaching Quadrocopters. (Or very loud helicopters). Better stay in the tunnel. > You go north To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis... Marius arrives from the south. > You talk to grue She says, "gargle gargle barf" > Kiss grue Keep your mind on the game. > You get the spiderwebs That's hardly portable. > You feed Marius to the grue (first taking Marius) He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries.

> Look around To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. Marius stands before the monster, back arched. The Venusian stands a few feet off, clenching and unclenching her fist uncertainly. A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis... > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You climb What do you want to climb? > You climb down You must name something more substantial.

> Look around To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light. Marius stands before the monster, back arched. The Venusian stands a few feet off, clenching and unclenching her fist uncertainly. A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis... > You examine venusian She has silvery skin, golden her put up in a tight bun, and wears full body chain mail. Black, pearl eyes look at you unblinking. > You eat grue (first taking Light grue) I don't suppose Light grue would care for that. > You eat venusian (first taking Venusian warrior woman) That's hardly portable. > You go north As you step between the glass door, someone steps out of the living room. You stumble back, confused. A stalin jacket, red burning eyes. "Hey Alex" says Uncle Wally. "How the hell have you been?"

[Themes: Slice of life] The cucumbers are what you're thinking of. A lot seems to have happened just now and the details aren't set yet but you think cucumbers are involved. You're suspended from the seat belt, which probably saved your life. Before you, a display of carelessly pressed flowers seen through a tangled network of fissured glass. There is an occasional sound of glass parting or metal yielding but the largest threat seems to be your inversion. To one side, a still inflated airbag obscures the driver. On the other side, outside the car, there's a large metal thing and a small furry thing. Somewhere, you believe there are cucumbers. A comfortingly strong seatbelt holds you where you are. You can also see a cigarette lighter here. [Author's Note: As brief introductions go, it's among the briefest. Contains only a single point.] > You look at lighter Part of the car's standard equipment, it pushes in to heat and pops out when it's reached the ignition point of cigarettes. > About yourself As good-looking as ever. > You open the seatbelt (first unlocking the seatbelt) You must have hit your head, you're not making sense. > You look at the seatbelt Some kind of incredibly strong cloth with a buckle. > You press the buckle Nothing obvious happens. > You examine furry Slightly smaller than a person and covered with thick fur. > You look at the driver Someone close to you, you remember that much. > You press the lighter You manage to flail a limb at it and depress the lighter. > You examine the airbag A big white puffy thing fills the left side of your vision. There's a sharp smell, as if someone had swept up all the dust from a library and packed it in to a pipe and smoked it. > You examine lighter Part of the car's standard equipment, it's glowing with a hot heat. > You take lighter With a boastful little POP, the lighter ejects. Fate is with you, and you snare it in your hand. > You burn seatbelt *** Run-time problem P10: Since the seatbelt is not allowed the property "temperature", it is against the rules to try to use it. <illegal heat> lighter does you no good. > Burn airbag This dangerous act would achieve little. > You wait awhile Time passes. > Look (the cigarette lighter) Part of the car's standard equipment, it's glowing with a hot heat. > You look You're suspended from the seat belt, which probably saved your life. Before you, a display of carelessly pressed flowers seen through a tangled network of fissured glass. There is an occasional sound of glass parting or metal yielding but the largest threat seems to be your inversion. To one side, a still inflated airbag obscures the driver. On the other side, outside the car, there's a large metal thing and a small furry thing. Somewhere, you believe there are cucumbers. A comfortingly strong seatbelt holds you where you are. With a boastful little POP, the lighter ejects. Fate is with you, and you snare it in your hand. > You burn seatbelt The material yields to the heat, stretching and finally giving out entirely. You are freed. The lighter rolls from your fingers and is lost. Innumerable small shards of glass sparkle on the floor which under normal conditions would be the ceiling. You can escape from here. From this angle you can see there's a boxy metal car and a much smaller furry thing near by. > Exit There's an extraordinary distortion to the grill of the car, as if it were fondant someone leaned against. If you didn't cross the median, you must be east of the highway, meaning the other end of the car is west of here. > You examine the car A boxy vehicle, before it encountered a tree. Now its sides have been skewed and its contents scattered around it. > You go west This is where the trunk is , which you think some people call a boot but not like foot boot, more like a beer boot. Maybe you did hit your head. About the only important thing to know is that it currently opens down instead of up, as the car is lying on its roof. > You open the trunk You open the trunk, revealing a paper grocery bag. > You take the bag Oh, there they are. > You look in the bag In the paper grocery bag are six cucumbers. > Go east There's an extraordinary distortion to the grill of the car, as if it were fondant someone leaned against. If you didn't cross the median, you must be east of the highway, meaning the other end of the car is west of here. > You examine furry Slightly smaller than a person and covered with thick fur. > You eat cucumber (first taking the cucumber) You eat the cucumber. Not bad. > Inventory You are carrying: a paper grocery bag six cucumbers > You drop the driver The driver is already here. > You take the driver That's hardly portable. > You give the cucumber to the driver You can only do that to something animate. > Go east There's an extraordinary distortion to the grill of the car, as if it were fondant someone leaned against. If you didn't cross the median, you must be east of the highway, meaning the other end of the car is west of here. > Go inside Innumerable small shards of glass sparkle on the floor which under normal conditions would be the ceiling. You can escape from here. From this angle you can see there's a boxy metal car and a much smaller furry thing near by. > You wear furry (first taking the furry) That's hardly portable. > You get all cucumber: Taken. cucumber: Taken. cucumber: Taken. cucumber: Taken. cucumber: Taken. cucumber: Taken. > Y. cheapglulxe quit with exit status: 0

[Themes: Humor, miniature protagonist, hangover, kid-friendly, ninja] Oof. Your head. You remember very little about last night, but apparently you had an extremely good time at the party. Judging from how dark the room is, you're guessing it's fairly late in the afternoon. But all you want to do is take care of your hangover and go home and hide from the world for the rest of the day. This is where you fell asleep after the party, because you were too drunk to stumble home. The rest of the room is southeast. [Author's Note: A tiny story about a tiny ninja and a not-so-tiny headache.] > About you You are a tiny ninja dressed in green from head to toe. > Inventory You are carrying nothing. Oh! But where are your nunchaku? > Go southeast This is the dormitory room you share with your three closest friends (and one rather large inhabitant you don't see very often). There is a bed to the north, a wardrobe to the east, a bookshelf to the south, a food storage area to the west and a desk in the northwest corner. There is a mouse hole in the southeast corner of the room, next to the bookshelf. > You examine the bed The bed is unmade, as always. The black ninja lives underneath it. > Go north The rest of the room is south, and there's a particularly dusty looking corner to the east. The black ninja is not here. > Wait You sway unsteadily on your feet in a most un-ninja-like manner. > Go east This corner doesn't seem to get cleaned often. There is a rather large spider web stretched between the foot of the bed and the wall. The rest of the room is southwest. On the web is a spider. > You kill the spider The spider bares its fangs at you. You decide to leave it alone. > You examine the spider It's a common house spider. It's not very large, but it looks like it won't hesitate to kill you if you bother it. > You go to the south You live here. It's a pretty nice place to live, so far as wardrobes go. There are, to the best of your knowledge, no secret passages to Ninja Narnia. The rest of the room is north. You can see an id card here. > You get the card Taken. > You go west The rest of the room is east. There is no sign of the red ninja. You can see a piece of cookie here. Oh. Right. You're pretty sure you made brunch plans with your friends today. If you hurry, you may still be able to catch them. But first you need to deal with this pounding headache. > You go southeast The rest of the room is back to the northwest. There is a mouse here, lazing around in its nest. > You examine mouse It's a common brown mouse. It's about twice as tall as you are. > You talk to the mouse The mouse squeaks at you. > You examine nest This is the mouse's nest. It is full of various treasures. > You examine the treasures It's a collection of things the mouse has found. > You give the cookie to the mouse You give the piece of cookie to the mouse. It grabs it out of your hands and retreats to the corner of the nest with it. > You search it You find a tablet of aspirin in the nest. You take it. > You eat the aspirin You take a tiny bite out of the aspirin. You start to feel better almost immediately. > You go northwest You scurry off before the mouse can ask for a glass of milk. This is the dormitory room you share with your three closest friends (and one rather large inhabitant you don't see very often). There is a bed to the north, a wardrobe to the east, a bookshelf to the south, a food storage area to the west and a desk in the northwest corner. There is a mouse hole in the southeast corner of the room, next to the bookshelf. > You go southwest You should find your nunchaku first. It is dangerous to go outside without a weapon. > Go north The rest of the room is south, and there's a particularly dusty looking corner to the east. The black ninja is not here. > Go east This corner doesn't seem to get cleaned often. There is a rather large spider web stretched between the foot of the bed and the wall. The rest of the room is southwest. On the web is a spider. > You examine the web The spider has woven the words "GO AWAY" into its web. On the web is a spider. > You show the card to the spider The spider bares its fangs at you. You decide to leave it alone. > You cut the web The spider bares its fangs at you. You decide to leave the web alone. > You examinethe i d card Violence isn't the answer to this one. This card bears a photo of your not-so-tiny non-ninja roommate. > Go west The rest of the room is south, and there's a particularly dusty looking corner to the east. The black ninja is not here. > You examine the door There is a door here, leading out to the hallway. > Go south You live here. It's a pretty nice place to live, so far as wardrobes go. There are, to the best of your knowledge, no secret passages to Ninja Narnia. The rest of the room is north. > You examine the desk There is a desk in the corner, underneath the window. > You go northwest This is where you fell asleep after the party, because you were too drunk to stumble home. The rest of the room is southeast. > Go west The rest of the room is east. There is no sign of the red ninja. > You open the fridge You slip the card between the door and the casing. You lean into the card with all your might, forcing the door open. The card almost snaps in the process. You can't reach into the Bedroom. > You look at the fridge It's a standard mini fridger. The big person whom you share your living space with keeps it stocked with beer and junk food. > You open the fridge You slip the card between the door and the casing. You lean into the card with all your might, forcing the door open. The card almost snaps in the process. The refrigerator is disturbingly devoid of both beer and snacks. But your nunchaku are here. You're too tired to question it. > You get the nunchaku Taken. > You go to the south-west You should close the refrigerator first! Were you raised in a ninja barn? > You close the fridge You close the refrigerator. > You go to the south-west Now that you've recovered your nunchaku and are starting to feel better, you should go catch up with your friends. > You touch the web The spider bares its fangs at you. You decide to leave the web alone. > You search the web There is nothing on the web. Except for that angry-looking spider. > You open the fridge You loop one of your nunchucks around the handle and tug. The door opens. The refrigerator is still empty. You close it again. > You open the door The door is too large and heavy for you to open. You can easily crawl underneath. > You go to the south-west Now that you've recovered your nunchaku and are starting to feel better, you should go catch up with your friends.

It's taken you years to work your way up from Ketchup Packet Sorter Third Class to your current post: Bad Beef Courier. It's been hard work, and it's taken its toll on you, but it's all been worth it. With your new clearance, you can finally bring down Mr. McBeefy's vast animal-exploiting empire and set things right. They said that the Beef Flu was an urban legend, but it's been eating away at you for twenty years. You must hurry: your can tell you haven't much time left. FREEDOM FOR OUR BOVINE BRETHREN! MEAT IS MURDER! Chicks really dig how "sensitive" your activism makes you seem. Copyright (C) 2003, Ricardo SIGNES Jacket Speed-IF 2 Please consult REVIEWS and FEELIES Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium The Beef Imporium -- MBI, to you wage slaves -- stands at the very base of the Tower of Beef. The vast glass ceiling lets you look up into the Tower and see the vast machinery of Mr. McBeefy's Vertical Beef Processing Facility at work. Cows and carcasses swing by at all elevations, ready to be processed from happy heifers into happy meals. Now and then an organ or spurt of blood falls onto the glass ceiling, but it's always quickly cleaned up by one of the janitors. Those lucky bastards get off with the easy work. The supply room lies to the east, and a sliding door leads out. Like most days, the place is full of kids. There are two field-trips here, at the moment. [Author's Note: In this short game against the clock, you play as a beef courier who wants to destroy Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium from within before the Beef Flu finally destroys you from within. You don't have much time left. Free the cows!]

> Feelies Included with your The Tower of Beef packaging you should find a .010" hypodermic syringe and a 50cc vial containing an infection-guaranteed quantity of a randomly chosen fatal disease. Injection no more than six and no less than three days (for gestation) is recommended for the optimal experience. Upon completion, you will be issued a claim code for an antidote. Please contact Tower of Beef Limited with this code to receive your antidote. (2.95 USD per minute, please allow six to eight weeks for delivery.) > Reviews You can't see any such thing. >>> MORE RELEVANT Adam Biltcliffe: I love the way the NPCs relentlessly criticise everything the player does. -- Adam Biltcliffe The throbbing is unmistakable! -- D. Jacob Wildstrom This game leaps forward in time to show the player the effects of a key early decision. My reaction was a Keanu-like 'whoa.' -- Peter Berman I HATE THIS GAME SO MUCH! IT GAVE ME SARS! -- Tablesaw The completed game map formed an interesting shape, which was a nice touch. -- Caleb In most games, instant death puzzles are a flaw. This game cries out for an instant death puzzle to put it out of its misery. -- Sam Kabo Ashwell It will make you run right out and steal little packets of ketchup and do crazy things. -- David Cornelson >>> LESS RELEVANT The author gave a fresh perspective to normal day-to-day objects; how they could be used, what they really are. It made me look around my surroundings a bit more carefully. -- Duchess The game appeared mostly vertical - i.e., almost all room-to-room movement was via up and down, with little use of the compass directions. -- Duncan Cross > You examine the kids The kids run around and scream and yell. Occasionally, a teacher points up at a moving carcass and tells the little brats something useful about Beef Science. "Did you know that all human life would perish without beef?" Just as frequently, a kid points up and giggles as a cow rectum splats against the skylight. They are all wearing paper Mr. McBeefy tiaras. One of the kids points and laughs. "Yeah, way to keep your eyes peeled." > About you As good-looking as ever. One of the kids points and laughs. "Yeah, way to keep your eyes peeled." > You kill the kids The kids scatter like a flock of pigeons, and you break off your rush. You must not forget your true goal! One of the chaperones gives you a disappointed look, wondering why you didn't finish the job. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a syringe > You inject Beef with the syringe You can only do that to something animate. > You inject yourself (with the obnoxious little meat-eating brats) That doesn't make sense. You feel your heart THROBBING in your chest. You're definitely getting sicker. > You go east The MBI supply room is just a little pantry, well-stocked with beef and beef accessories. MBI is back to the west. Some ground chuck sits on a sheaf of paper on a counter. You feel your heart THROBBING in your chest. You're definitely getting sicker. > You get Chuck Taken. > Inject chuck (into yourself) That doesn't make sense. > You examine Chuck It's a pile of ground chuck laid out on a table, probably for use in McBeefy Beef Tacobeef Mexiburgers (with extra Spic Sauce and Lardonnaise). Upon close inspection, you realize this is bad beef -- a perfect excuse to head up to the Disposatorium. > Go west Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium Like most days, the place is full of kids. There are two field-trips here, at the moment. A wave of nausea hits you. Your intestines THROB. > Up Huge glass walkways lead east and west. Carts full of beef and bones are everywhere, blocking the way. Stairwells lead up and down. A sign hangs on the wall here. > You examine the sign The sign is painted with two big arrows. One points east and reads: THIS WAY TO THE DISPOSATORIUM. The other points west and reads: THIS WAY TO BEEFBURGER PREPARATION. > Go east Rows and rows of carts run through the Disposatorium, hauling bad beef to be processed into feed. Other couriers rush in and out, as if their lives depended on it. The manager's office is upstairs; the rumor is that he loves the smell of bad beef. Couriers rush in and out. > You give Beef to the Courier You can only do that to something animate. > Go up This small office serves as a refuge for Branch Manager Fat. There's a desk and some computers and paperwork. It's all quite uninteresting. You press your hand to your head, and you can feel the vein in your forehead THROBBING as you clench your teeth.

> Go downwards Couriers rush in and out. > You go to the west A sign hangs on the wall here. > Go west You're standing on a precarious walkway above a gigantic meat grinder, where the fresh whole beef is converted into chuck. Overhead, sides of beef swing down from the infinite expanse above and drop into the grinder, which happily consumes them and drops them to the processing floor at the bottom of the stairwell Peters, the day-shift inspector, is here. > You examine Peters Peters is a weaselly little shit in a lab coat. Every time he sees you with bad beef up here, he gives you a filthy look, as if you contaminated it yourself. (If only he knew.) > You show Chuck to Peters Peters glowers at you. "Get back to work, Courier."

> Go downward Peters stops you. "No unauthorized personnel!" > You kill Peters Oh, you'd love to, but it would probably spoil the rest of your plans for the day. > You feed Chuck to Peters Peters doesn't seem interested. By now, you've broken out in a cold sweat, and you feel feverish. With every breath, your lungs THROB. > You examine Chuck It's a pile of bad beef. Nice and toxic, this, and probably rife with botulism. No Beef Flu, though. You'd be able to smell it. Your veins THROB at the thought. Upon close inspection, you realize this is bad beef -- a perfect excuse to head up to the Disposatorium. > You go upwards While they call this the decontamination room, nothing actually gets done to decontaminate anything. Basically, there's a locked door between here and the Breeding Room, and they only give the key to people who won't contaminate the studs. Apparently, this satisfies the ISO requirements. Stairs lead down and the Breeding Room door is to the west. > You examine the door It's a pretty solid door. > You unlock door What do you want to unlock the breeding room door with? > Inventory You are carrying: some bad ground chuck a syringe Yours muscles ache with every step you take. The Beef Flu has you in its clutches. (Make that THROB, ok? Your muscles THROB. It sounds more DRAMATIC.)

> Go downward Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium Like most days, the place is full of kids. There are two field-trips here, at the moment.

> Look around The MBI supply room is just a little pantry, well-stocked with beef and beef accessories. MBI is back to the west. > Go west Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium The Beef Imporium -- MBI, to you wage slaves -- stands at the very base of the Tower of Beef. The vast glass ceiling lets you look up into the Tower and see the vast machinery of Mr. McBeefy's Vertical Beef Processing Facility at work. Cows and carcasses swing by at all elevations, ready to be processed from happy heifers into happy meals. Now and then an organ or spurt of blood falls onto the glass ceiling, but it's always quickly cleaned up by one of the janitors. Those lucky bastards get off with the easy work. The supply room lies to the east, and a sliding door leads out. Like most days, the place is full of kids. There are two field-trips here, at the moment. > Go upwards Huge glass walkways lead east and west. Carts full of beef and bones are everywhere, blocking the way. Stairwells lead up and down. A sign hangs on the wall here. > Go east Rows and rows of carts run through the Disposatorium, hauling bad beef to be processed into feed. Other couriers rush in and out, as if their lives depended on it. The manager's office is upstairs; the rumor is that he loves the smell of bad beef. Couriers rush in and out. The THROBBING has beTHROBcome unTHROBbearTHROBable. You won't THROB be able to THROB take it much loTHOBnger. > Go upwards This small office serves as a refuge for Branch Manager Fat. There's a desk and some computers and paperwork. It's all quite uninteresting. > You drop Chuck Dropped. > You look under the desk That's not something you need to refer to in the course of this game. That's not something you need to refer to in the course of this game.

> Go downward Rows and rows of carts run through the Disposatorium, hauling bad beef to be processed into feed. Other couriers rush in and out, as if their lives depended on it. The manager's office is upstairs; the rumor is that he loves the smell of bad beef. Couriers rush in and out. > Y. It's taken you years to work your way up from Ketchup Packet Sorter Third Class to your current post: Bad Beef Courier. It's been hard work, and it's taken its toll on you, but it's all been worth it. With your new clearance, you can finally bring down Mr. McBeefy's vast animal-exploiting empire and set things right. They said that the Beef Flu was an urban legend, but it's been eating away at you for twenty years. You must hurry: your can tell you haven't much time left. FREEDOM FOR OUR BOVINE BRETHREN! MEAT IS MURDER! Chicks really dig how "sensitive" your activism makes you seem. Copyright (C) 2003, Ricardo SIGNES Jacket Speed-IF 2 Please consult REVIEWS and FEELIES Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium The Beef Imporium -- MBI, to you wage slaves -- stands at the very base of the Tower of Beef. The vast glass ceiling lets you look up into the Tower and see the vast machinery of Mr. McBeefy's Vertical Beef Processing Facility at work. Cows and carcasses swing by at all elevations, ready to be processed from happy heifers into happy meals. Now and then an organ or spurt of blood falls onto the glass ceiling, but it's always quickly cleaned up by one of the janitors. Those lucky bastards get off with the easy work. The supply room lies to the east, and a sliding door leads out. Like most days, the place is full of kids. There are two field-trips here, at the moment. > You go east The MBI supply room is just a little pantry, well-stocked with beef and beef accessories. MBI is back to the west. Some ground chuck sits on a sheaf of paper on a counter. > You get Chuck Taken. > You examine Chuck It's a pile of ground chuck laid out on a table, probably for use in McBeefy Beef Tacobeef Mexiburgers (with extra Spic Sauce and Lardonnaise). Upon close inspection, you realize this is bad beef -- a perfect excuse to head up to the Disposatorium. > You eat Chuck That's plainly inedible. > You look at the syringe It's a syringe of your blood. It should be just swarming with the Beef Flu. Hopefully, you can get close enough to Big Buck to put it to use. You feel your heart THROBBING in your chest. You're definitely getting sicker. > You go to the west Mr. McBeefy's Beef Imporium Like most days, the place is full of kids. There are two field-trips here, at the moment. > You throw Chuck at the grinder Peters cries out in horror as you throw the bad chuck into the grinder and rushes over to the edge of the catwalk, peering into the grinder. You heave the bad beef into the grinder, and it happily mixes in with the rest, pouring down into production. That should do nicely.

> Go downward The beef comes down through the meatgrinder, a flight above you, and falls onto the conveyer belt in front of you. It's been stopped for a while, so there's quite a pile built up. The steel stairway leads back up to the grinder's top. > Search pile You run your hands through the pile of meat, oblivious to the waves of nausea running through you. You're rewarded with a shiny (well, not really) key, engraved with an unfamiliar, phallic icon. > You examine the key The key is pretty normal looking, except for the phallus carved into its head. Presumably that indicates its use. > Go upward A sign hangs on the wall here. You press your hand to your head, and you can feel the vein in your forehead THROBBING as you clench your teeth. While they call this the decontamination room, nothing actually gets done to decontaminate anything. Basically, there's a locked door between here and the Breeding Room, and they only give the key to people who won't contaminate the studs. Apparently, this satisfies the ISO requirements. Stairs lead down and the Breeding Room door is to the west. > You unlock the door with the key You unlock the breeding room door. > You open the door You open the breeding room door. > Go west The Breeding Room is the cleanest room you've seen in the Tower. It's a large, dome-shaped room with a dirt and grass floor. One wall is an exterior wall, and is made of one-way glass. You can see the skyline outside, as well as the sun. You can see a Big Buck here. > You inject the Buck with the syringe You casually walk over and inject the Beef Flu into Big Buck. He doesn't seem to notice, and just grunts a bit. You laugh to yourself as you realize how easy it's been. Now, you can go home and die in the knowledge that you've saved the world. > Go outside You step out into the warm, sunshiny day. Here and there, co-workers sit and eat packed lunches, discussing their days. Children frolic and birds sing. What a perfect day! You lean back against The Tower and contemplate your success, imagining the future of the world: Fifty or seventy-five years from now, billions are dead from the mutated Beef Flu. Death from Super McBeefy is slow, throbbing, and painful -- as you well know -- and society has fallen apart trying merely to bury the dead and sustain the living. With the economy in shambles and the majority of the fabric of society in tatters, the human race is reduced to foraging: foraging for nuts and berries, and not beef. You are a hero!

[Themes: Horror, horror] WARNING! This is not a nice game. This is your favorite place. A small, almost forgotten lake just outside the city limits. His parents own the cabin here, but they never go here. And you have to look for it, deep in the wood, so nobody ever comes here. But even though he's here, lying beside you in the tall grass, you can still feel work in your bone. It's only Tuesday, and your eyes are already dry, your shoulders clenched, and the spot where the headset grabs onto your head has turned into an annoying small red dot. You rub it absent-mindedly and look at him. He seems distracted today, distant somehow. "Thanks for picking me up, honey." He nods and stares up at the full moon. "Are you allright?" He raises his hip awkwardly and rummages around in his pocket. As you watch, a small shiver runs down your arms. It's been a warm June day, and you're still only wearing your t-shirt. He rolls over, his eyes warm and kind, and raises the knife. You feel the the knife plunge deep into your chest - sudden, burning, confused pain. You scream out and he rolls over and covers your mouth, his calloused, warm hand terribly familiar. You try to writher away from under him, but all strength has left you, and you want to scream, to bite, but you can just wriggle helplessly. Tears burn in your eye and you choke on something metallic and viscous. And then you don't wriggle anymore, your legs go numb, and you feel your useless heart still pump blood through the hole in your chest. He looks at you, and above the hands that killed you his eyes are calm and friendly. "I'm sorry, dear" he whispers. "I just don't love you anymore." You look up at the moon, that old mistress, that has looked down on all our wars and all our blood, but there is no dignity in death. He crinkles his nose and you feel the warmth spread from your crotch down your leg. And then it ends. But you can't go on. The Grass is long and wild, and apruptly turns into a sandy beach to the north. In the moonlight everything appears gray, ominous. There is a dark, wet spot in the grass, and from it drag marks lead west. [Author's Note: An entry in ShuffleComp: Disc 2. Inspired by "The Ghost Who Walks" by Karen Elson.] > About you You look like you did when you died, clean sneakers, jeans, t-shirt. The fabric of your t-shirt is torn and bloody on your chest. > Xyzzy You blink. You were distracted for a moment, lost in thought. You look again, at your hands and the shovel. > You look at the shovel You remember buying this at the hardware store, sad with the realization you had to kill her. > About you Women really dig this look, but you never really cared for it. > Inventory You are carrying: a shovel > Go east The Grass is long and wild, and apruptly turns into a sandy beach to the north. In the moonlight everything appears gray, ominous. There is a dark, wet spot in the grass, and from it drag marks lead west. You can see Alexa here. > X ALEXA You can't see any such thing. > Go north The wooden pier extends a few yards into the lake. Looks like some repairwork has been done on it recently, as the outer end looks new and shiny in places. Out in the lake, in silhouette, the island is barely visible. A nail gun is sticking up, front forward, between the boards. > You get the nail gun Taken. > You examine the nail gun From what you can tell, it's in working condition. The battery light is glowing faintly. > Go north You take a step off the pier, fearing for a second you'll just sink into the lightless depths. But you sort of hover over the lake. Not at all unpleasant. You cast a last look down before going on. And something looks back. A white face, beneath the pier, hands reaching up. For a second, a voice, distant, like through rain "You weren't ... the first. Avenge us. You can't touch ... can't see, but you can ... possess." The woman sinks, sinks. Is gone. You continue on. It's very small, you can cross it in three quick steps. It's covered in some vegetation. There is even a small tree here. The main attraction is the fire pit, which seems to see regular use. A pile of junk sits besides the fire pit. > You go to the west The woods begin here, dark and impenetrable. The headlights of the car illuminate the scene with the merciless glare of a medical lamp. He stands here, and digs. Your body lies here, crumpled, with dirt in its hair. > You examine the body They say sleeping people are beautiful, and you always thought that was a lie. Sleeping people are ugly. And that's how you look, one eye half-closed, the other staring mindlessly, mouth slightly agape. Your torso a mess of blood, with something blue shimmering inside the wound. Ugly. > You examine the blue Some unthinkable part of your viscera. You clench your hands as you remember the pain. So sudden, so severe. > You examine him You used to gently mock his hipster looks, the weird, spotty beard, checkered shirts and cord trousers. And the scene is so surreal. It's like an ad. The shovel, the small hole before him. And now you hate him. Everything about him. You want to see him suffer. > About you You look like you did when you died, clean sneakers, jeans, t-shirt. The fabric of your t-shirt is torn and bloody on your chest. > You say boo (to He) You want to scream at him, ask for answers, curse him for all eternity. But it's useless. He isn't able to notice your presence. > East The Grass is long and wild, and apruptly turns into a sandy beach to the north. In the moonlight everything appears gray, ominous. There is a dark, wet spot in the grass, and from it drag marks lead west. > North The wooden pier extends a few yards into the lake. Looks like some repairwork has been done on it recently, as the outer end looks new and shiny in places. Out in the lake, in silhouette, the island is barely visible. A nail gun is sticking up, front forward, between the boards. > North You take a step off the pier, fearing for a second you'll just sink into the lightless depths. But you sort of hover over the lake. Not at all unpleasant. You cast a last look down before going on. And something looks back. A white face, beneath the pier, hands reaching up. For a second, a voice, distant, like through rain "You weren't ... the first. Avenge us. You can't touch ... can't see, but you can ... possess." The woman sinks, sinks. Is gone. You continue on. It's very small, you can cross it in three quick steps. It's covered in some vegetation. There is even a small tree here. The main attraction is the fire pit, which seems to see regular use. A pile of junk sits besides the fire pit. A mouse runs out from the undergrowth and sits by the fire pit. > Possess mouse There's something in the mouse - quick, alert, and scared, so scared, always scared - but you manage to wrestle control from it. The world seems gargantuan and hostile. It takes a moment to get your bearings. Four feet, the unconsciously swishing tail. The heart, hammering so fast inside your chest. > You examine the junk There is a huge heap of discarded food wrappers, beer cans, used napkins and the like beside the fire pit. > You climb tree You are on the branch overlooking the fire pit. An old bird's nest sits here. > You examine the nest It has been long abandoned. > Down It's very small, you can cross it in three quick steps. It's covered in some vegetation. There is even a small tree here. The main attraction is the fire pit, which seems to see regular use. A pile of junk sits besides the fire pit. > You look at the pit In the fire pit are a nest and a lighter. > Burn nest This dangerous act would achieve little. > Possess lighter You quickly dart from the mouse into the lighter. You touch the lighter. There is that familiar scraping of the flint and a small spark, but the nest is not really dry enough on its own to catch fire. You quickly dart back into the mouse. > You examine the junk There is a huge heap of discarded food wrappers, beer cans, used napkins and the like beside the fire pit. > You search the junk After nosing around in it for a bit, you discover a small bottle of lighter fluid. It's hard work, but you manage to pull it out of the junk with your teeth. > You put the bottle in the pit (first taking bottle of lighter fluid) It's too heavy. > You examine the pit In the fire pit are a nest and a lighter. > JUMP ON BOTTLE You jump on the bottle and a little lighter fluid flies into the pit. > Possess lighter (the lighter) You quickly dart from the mouse into the lighter. You touch the lighter. There is that familiar scraping of the flint and a small spark, and the fluid lights up instantaneously. The nest catches fire, and soon there is a nice fire going in the pit. There is movement at the shore. A figure appears on the pier. You leave the mouse and it darts away. > You go south The wooden pier extends a few yards into the lake. Looks like some repairwork has been done on it recently, as the outer end looks new and shiny in places. Out in the lake, in silhouette, the island is barely visible. Paul stands here, looking wearily at the fire on the island. A nail gun is sticking up, front forward, between the boards. > Possess gun He is about to turn back as the nail hits him in the Adam's apple. He stands for a second, and slowly grabs his throat like a surprised baronet in a soap opera. He takes one step forward and slowly turns on the spot. Blood gushes down his shirt with every heartbeat, statisfyingly black and plentiful. He falls forward, chipping one of his teeth on the wood. You kneel beside him, wishing you could pick up that little bit of enamel as a memento. It takes him a few minutes to die, and you idly wonder if he will go on, or if he will have to stay, like you. Maybe for people like him death is the only exit there is. You look up, at the moon. The lake is silent. > You possess him You touch him, but there is something in him - warm, protective, fierce - and you shrink back. > Go west The woods begin here, dark and impenetrable. The headlights of the car illuminate the scene with the merciless glare of a medical lamp. Your body lies here, crumpled, with dirt in its hair. > Possess body You really don't want to try that. What if you cannot leave? > Possess car You touch the car, and it suddenly honks. He looks up, startled. For a few seconds he stands, breathing open-mouthed. Then he shrugs and gets back to digging. > Yes cheapglulxe quit with exit status: 0

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC, post-apocalyptic, surreal] Just your luck. You were on your way to your Aunt Mabel's 100th birthday party when your car finally gave up the ghost. Not like it hasn't been trying to do that for weeks, but on a student budget a newer car was out of reach. Nothing to do but walk to the nearest town and see about other transportation. Type "about" for more information. You're standing on a stretch of road by your car. On the sides of the road is nothing but flat, dry ground and nothing to see at all to the horizon. The sign you passed a few miles back said it was about 10 miles to the nearest town, the name of which you've already forgotten. Seeing as it's even farther back to the previous town, the only way to go is forward to the east. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. You can also see your car and a road sign here. > About yourself You're tall and thirsty. Too old to be drifting loose, too young to have done anything much to deserve confirmation - your tattoos show that much. > You examine the tattoos Your right arm, left hand and the left side of your face are partially covered with blocky, rounded glyphs precisely specifying your age, blood type, status (social, economic, marital) and affiliations (birth-clan, adopted clan, moiety, college). None of which are going to impress anybody, except for the adopted-clan part, perhaps; Aunt Mabel's reputation extends across the known world. But even so, the conspicuous hollow circles on the backs of both hands mark you as unconfirmed. Curb skitters about. > You look at Curb Now this here is a pedigree Chattanooga brindled mooch-hound. This noble breed, of which Curb forms paradigm and pinnacle, is eight kinds of crazy, twelve kinds of stupid and every kind of mean. You didn't exactly plan for a hound. A friend's bitch whelped, you were trying to act cute around a girl, and you were not at that time familiar with the quirks of the breed. The puppy got a home, you got a lifelong companion, the girl got eight stitches and the hell out of Dodge. Curb scratches his ear. > You look at car This piece of junk has seen you through three years of school. You just needed it to last a little longer. Too bad it didn't. Other than that, it's got the usual things you'd find on a car... steering wheel, those little pedals that's supposed to make it go "zoom," oh, and there's also a trunk in back. Thrown across the back seat you can see the guitar. Curb peers curiously at Treasure Huntery Lesson 1. > You take the guitar The car isn't open. Curb gnaws hungrily on his own forepaw. > You open the car You open the car. Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs. > You check your inventory You are carrying: your car keys an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb sniffs at the road sign like the horrible little pervert he is. > You examine the sign At some juncture of the distant past it may, you surmise, have displayed information of some kind; the original content has been effaced, but it still tells you something; to wit, folks here have ammo to waste and don't mind shooting at trash. Curb peers curiously at the car keys. > You take the guitar Taken. > You play the guitar You play a few notes of "Puff, the Magic Dragon". Contrary to IF convention, you actually play quite well. > You open the trunk Twenty hours on the road are starting to take its toll on your motor skills: on the first try, you fumble the keys and drop them onto the blacktop. With a yelp of joy, Curb snaps them up and dodges out of reach. Well, fuck. Curb starts at nothing, and half falls over in a desperate attempt to escape it. > You take keys That dog has a laudable attitude towards the defence of private property, and you have no desire to add a ragged, septic hand wound to your troubles. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You check your inventory You are carrying: > Pet dog an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. You vigorously pat Curb's head until he closes his eyes and nearly falls asleep. The second you stop, though, he returns to his same old self. Curb attempts to howl, but it devolves into a whimper. > You read the lesson "Treasure Huntery Lesson 1: Maps" is a slim pamphlet that gives just the basics. You've read it a thousand times, but it never hurts to have it on hand. Curb snaps at flies. > You read the treasure huntery "The first thing any treasure hunter needs is a map. It's no good to just go looking for treasure with no idea of where to look! You may be skeptical about the existence of actual treasure maps, but in fact the people who hid treasure generally wanted to be able to find it again, or even to let their heirs or accomplices find it in the event that they could not. This doesn't mean they made it easy!" > You go to the east It might be a good idea to close the car first. > You wait awhile Time passes. > Go west You trudge back toward your car. You're standing on a stretch of road by your car. On the sides of the road is nothing but flat, dry ground and nothing to see at all to the horizon. The sign you passed a few miles back said it was about 10 miles to the nearest town, the name of which you've already forgotten. Seeing as it's even farther back to the previous town, the only way to go is forward to the east. You can see your car and a road sign here. Curb scampers after you. > You open the car You open the car. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You look at the trunk Yep. It's a trunk, and it's at the back of the car. You can't remember if you put anything useful in there before you left your house or not. Naturally, a protective geesoofus is prominently displayed. You wouldn't cross the badlands without one. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though.

> You look in the car The car is empty. > You get in the car You get into the car. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You open the trunk You lack a key that fits the trunk. Curb scratches his ear. > You search the car The car is empty. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You open the trunk Curb has better things to do. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You examine the wheel That's what you would use to steer the car, if it actually worked. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You hit the dog with the guitar Violence isn't the answer to this one. Curb fixes you with a look of abject guilt and keens softly. > You sit You are carrying: your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb chases his tail, squealing frustration. (on the car keys) Curb has better things to do. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You give the hat to dog Like hell! That good-for-nothing hound destroys everything you own, but you've got to keep some things sacred. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You give the panga to the dog Curb watches the panga with a sceptical eye, considers its merits relative to the car keys, decides that you're trying to manipulate him and scampers to a safe distance. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You look at the panga Two feet of heavy, sharp iron with a single blade. Machete, some call it. It's not much, but you're stuck with it. When you was born, your folks were in a bad way; they'd just gotten run out of the Dakotas, were getting just whatever work they could find till a House turned up that was accepting indentured, and didn't have the money to get anything better. So you got bound to this overgrown sheath-knife. It's a good tool and all, and your folks did all they could to get it, but - any road, you're bound to it now, so make the best of it. > You attack Curb with the panga Violence isn't the answer to this one. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You examine the sign At some juncture of the distant past it may, you surmise, have displayed information of some kind; the original content has been effaced, but it still tells you something; to wit, folks here have ammo to waste and don't mind shooting at trash. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You get the sign That's fixed in place. Curb snaps viciously at you, then backs away with his tail between his legs. > Kiss Curb Keep your mind on the game. > You give the Treasure Huntery to curb Curb watches Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 with a sceptical eye, considers its merits relative to the car keys, decides that you're trying to manipulate him and scampers to a safe distance. > You go to the east It might be a good idea to close the car first. > You look at the billboard * Water - Tobbaco - Erotica - Local Crafts * The paint's faded and worn away in patches, and you can see no evidence of life; but that needn't mean anything, out here. > Go east You continue to trudge down the road, you car falling away from sight behind you. As the highway continues to the east, you can see a rutted dirt path heading off to the north toward what looks like a small farmhouse. Curb scampers after you. > Examine farmhouse It's seen better days. > You go to the north You head toward the small farmhouse. A wide porch of wood slats, with the obligatory animal skulls nailed up against the wall. South leads back to the road; north takes you inside. Just outside the shadowed doorway, a parched corpse slumps in a rocking-chair, a long gun across his knees. Curb scampers after you. > You look at the corpse Tall guy. Thin, but that's most likely just how you get when you dry out. Old clothes; someone already took his hat and been through his pockets. Buzzards been at him, so you can't tell much else. Had a red beard. Gun still lying across his lap. Curb attempts to swallow your car keys, chokes, and brings them back up. He doesn't drop them, though. > You look at the gun Long enough barrel, but it's just a home-made matchlock. Badly made, too - the lock's blown wide open. Likely that's what got him. Certainly didn't help him any. > You take the gun With a sharp tug, you pull the gun from the corpse's stiff hands. As you do, the blasted lock falls apart entirely, leaving you with just the long musket-barrel. > Examine barrel A musket barrel about five and a half feet long. More suited to a drainpipe than a gun, but you're in no place to judge. Curb snaps at flies. > Go north Light spills through dust-caked windows and cracks in the log walls. It doesn't show up much. Some shelves, an old counter that may once have held a till, an uneven plank floor; must have been looted a dozen times over. Over in one corner there's a trapdoor. On the shelves are a Twinkie, a strip of bison jerky, and a Son of Toil bar. No phone, of course. Not that you were expecting one, at this point. Curb scampers after you. > You take all Twinkie: Taken. strip of bison jerky: Taken. Son of Toil bar: Taken. > You give the jerky to curb You wave the strip of bison jerky at Curb. His ears prick up, and he abandons the car keys immediately, almost taking your fingers off as he snatches the delicious treat away from you. Curb attempts to howl, but it devolves into a whimper. > You take the keys You steel your courage. Dog slobber is no picnic. Taken. Curb attempts to howl, but it devolves into a whimper. > Go south A wide porch of wood slats, with the obligatory animal skulls nailed up against the wall. South leads back to the road; north takes you inside. Just outside the shadowed doorway, a parched corpse slumps in a rocking-chair. Curb scampers after you. > Go south As the highway continues to the east, you can see a rutted dirt path heading off to the north toward what looks like a small farmhouse. Curb scampers after you. > You go to the west You silently head back in the direction of your car. You silently trudge down the road toward the town, wherever it may be. This lonely stretch of road seems to continue east toward the horizon. The sides of the road haven't changed much either. It's still flat, dry ground. You can see your car in the distance to the west. A ways down the road you can make out a solitary billboard. Curb scampers after you. > Go west You trudge back toward your car. You're standing on a stretch of road by your car. On the sides of the road is nothing but flat, dry ground and nothing to see at all to the horizon. The sign you passed a few miles back said it was about 10 miles to the nearest town, the name of which you've already forgotten. Seeing as it's even farther back to the previous town, the only way to go is forward to the east. You can see your car and a road sign here. Curb scampers after you. > You examine the sign At some juncture of the distant past it may, you surmise, have displayed information of some kind; the original content has been effaced, but it still tells you something; to wit, folks here have ammo to waste and don't mind shooting at trash. > Unlock trunk You insert your key in the trunk and it pops open. > You look in the trunk In the trunk are a glow-jar and an offering. > You take all from the trunk glow-jar: Taken. offering: Not much you can do with these until you have some form of transport; you sure as hell ain't smoking them. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You examine offering One thousand packs of filterless Camels, your birthday gift to Aunt Mabel. Hopefully it'll be a sufficient offering for her to confirm you, but that's no sure thing. Curb snatches up the offering in his mouth and gnaws noisily at it. > You play the guitar You play a few notes of some Rick Astley song you can't remember the name of. Contrary to IF convention, you actually play quite well. > You play the guitar You play a few notes of some Rick Astley song you can't remember the name of. Contrary to IF convention, you actually play quite well. Curb starts at nothing, and half falls over in a desperate attempt to escape it. > You play the guitar Some of the crazier hill-tribes sell this glowy liquid stuff. It's nasty stuff - you wouldn't want to get it on your skin - but you figure that if it's sealed in a Ball jar you should be just fine. Anyhow, it gives off a decent light that never goes out, which is why you paid fifty smokes for it. You play a few notes of "Chobits ending theme 2". Contrary to IF convention, you actually play quite well. Eyes rolling nervously, Curb hunches over and humps thin air. > Go east It might be a good idea to close the trunk first. > You open the trapdoor You open the trapdoor. A pale moth flutters out of the cellar. You reflexively make a warding sign - though they don't help much with Curb, so their potency against curses and doom seems to be limited. Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs.

[Themes: IF Whispers, post-apocalyptic] > You go downwards Holding the glow-jar before you, panga at the ready, you cautiously descend into the cellar. Plenty of sweat went into digging this cellar out, and it smells like it. Wooden shelves are hammered into the dirt walls, covered in grime. Dirt steps are cut into one wall, leading up to a trap door. You hear an eager whine, and Curb barrels into the trap-door from above, which just misses your head as it slams shut. > Curse Blasphemy! > You examine the trapdoor A crude wooden trapdoor bolted into the floor with rustic iron hinges. A heavy sound suggests Curb might have been walking around, but just sat down again.

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC] > Describe the surroundings Plenty of sweat went into digging this cellar out, and it smells like it. Wooden shelves are hammered into the dirt walls, covered in grime. Dirt steps are cut into one wall, leading up to a trap door. It sounds like Curb is gnawing on something above the trapdoor. > You examine the shelves Ain't much to one of these shelves. A couple of two-by-fours sunk into the wall, and some one-by-fours set across, and some dirt. Curb scuffles at the trapdoor, as though trying to dig through it. > You search the dirt Which do you mean, the packed dirt, the dirt corner, or the dirt steps? > You dig the packed dirt With what, your panga? Curb howls mournfully. Thank goodness the trapdoor muffles some sound. > Yes Well, if you must, you must. It's a tool before all else, it's true. You start hacking away at the dirt. It's a really crummy tool for this job, though. After a while, you hear a "thunk", and realize you've hit wood. A little more work, and you realize there's a sort of a cubby down there - a place to stash things where they won't be disturbed. Except by jerks with pangas, of course. > You look at the cubby A rough hole has been hacked into the ground here, down to a little cubby made of wood. Tucked into the cubby are a diary, an old bolt, and a piece of paper. > You take all diary: Taken. old bolt: Taken. piece of paper: Taken. > You read the paper An old, brittle, yellowing piece of paper, maybe once a shopping list, written in big, painful capital letters. Some of it has succumbed to time, but what you can read says: (smudge) RTS CREAM 2 DOSEN EGG 6 HINDGE BOLTS 50# LEAD FOR SHOOTING HALF DOSEN LEMONS MEDECENE FO(smudge)MPA The rest is all a blur. You hear the familiar sounds of Curb eating his own vomit. > You examine diary A worn-out leather diary, written in a crabbed hand. Your letters were never all so good as that, and you wouldn't want to try reading this mess in anything but good light.

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC] > Describe the surroundings Plenty of sweat went into digging this cellar out, and it smells like it. Wooden shelves are hammered into the dirt walls, covered in grime. Dirt steps are cut into one wall, leading up to a trap door. A rough hole has been dug - or cut, really - into the corner. Curb howls mournfully. Thank goodness the trapdoor muffles some sound. > You examine the shelves Ain't much to one of these shelves. A couple of two-by-fours sunk into the wall, and some one-by-fours set across, and some dirt. > You take the shelves That's hardly portable. > You look at the bolt You try to open the trapdoor, but it seems to be stuck. Or Curb has set his mangy behind down on it, which seems just about as likely. It sounds like Curb is gnawing on something above the trapdoor. (the old bolt) Actually, it's only part of an old bolt. It's rusty, stained, and the end is broken off, so it's only about an inch long. Hmm. Bolts needing changed, and this one's broken and rusty. Might be too much to hope for... > You look at the door A crude wooden trapdoor bolted into the floor with rustic iron hinges. Now that you look closely, those bolts do look somewhat old and shabby. Certainly no match for, say, your panga. > You hit the door You bruise your knuckles on the bolts. Maybe you should find something else to use. You hear the familiar sounds of Curb eating his own vomit. > You hit the bolts with the panga Armed with your newfound knowledge - and your trusty panga - you lay into the trapdoor's bolts. They shatter with a few sharp blows each. As you are attacking the last bolt, there's a dangerous creaking sound, and suddenly the trapdoor collapses, spilling dust, rust, and your ever-faithful friend, Curb, down onto your head. But at least the trapdoor is open again! Curb scampers after you. > Go upwards Light spills through dust-caked windows and cracks in the log walls. It doesn't show up much. Some shelves, an old counter that may once have held a till, an uneven plank floor; must have been looted a dozen times over. Over in one corner there's a trapdoor. Curb scampers after you. > You read diary A worn-out leather diary, written in a crabbed hand. Your letters were never all so good as that, and it's hard to make out exactly what the owner was writing about, but it looks like he spent some time in Afterbliss. > Author Scene 4, "Ghosts", was written by Marius Mueller. > You read the diary A worn-out leather diary, written in a crabbed hand. Your letters were never all so good as that, and it's hard to make out exactly what the owner was writing about, but it looks like he spent some time in Under a Tree. Curb vomits from excitement, his ribcage convulsing. He laps up the result hurriedly, before you steal his prize.

> You describe your surroundings Light spills through dust-caked windows and cracks in the log walls. It doesn't show up much. Some shelves, an old counter that may once have held a till, an uneven plank floor; must have been looted a dozen times over. Over in one corner there's a trapdoor. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a piece of paper an old bolt a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 > Examine bar Son of Toil bars contain protein and suchlike for the man with work on his mind. You never had so much work on your mind that you could stand the taste. The packaging is attractively decorated with an image of some Bible feller in a generic act of honest labour. > You eat the bar You feel a strong personal disinclination against such a venture. Say what you will. Maybe it's on account of your weak non-toiling constitution or some such. Curb has apparently grown bored with the offering. If you want it, you'll have to brave a great deal of slobber. > You take the offering Not much you can do with these until you have some form of transport; you sure as hell ain't smoking them. > You examine offering One thousand packs of filterless Camels, your birthday gift to Aunt Mabel. Hopefully it'll be a sufficient offering for her to confirm you, but that's no sure thing. It's covered in dog slobber and chew marks. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You look at Twinkie One of the foulest creations of the Former Age, but they contain calories of some kind and they never rot. You don't blame the looters for leaving it, though. > You examine the tattoo Your right arm, left hand and the left side of your face are partially covered with blocky, rounded glyphs precisely specifying your age, blood type, status (social, economic, marital) and affiliations (birth-clan, adopted clan, moiety, college). None of which are going to impress anybody, except for the adopted-clan part, perhaps; Aunt Mabel's reputation extends across the known world. But even so, the conspicuous hollow circles on the backs of both hands mark you as unconfirmed. Curb gnaws hungrily on his own forepaw. > Go south A wide porch of wood slats, with the obligatory animal skulls nailed up against the wall. South leads back to the road; north takes you inside. Just outside the shadowed doorway, a parched corpse slumps in a rocking-chair. Curb scampers after you. > Go south As the highway continues to the east, you can see a rutted dirt path heading off to the north toward what looks like a small farmhouse. Curb scampers after you. > Go east You walk for a few sandy miles, out into the desert, and night begins to fall, slowly, like a dead parachutist. In the distance, the whispering wind takes on a howl - looks like a sandstorm is on its way. By the time you realize this, however, you've gone to far to go back to your car. And so, in the depths of nights, with the sandstorm building up its inhuman, demonic power around you, you find yourself on... The building is in the state you've expected from a ghost town. Its upper floor is completely gone, but the front is still standing, and you can barely make out the words Kissing Bandit Saloon in sun-bleached red paint. One half of a swinging door leads north, inside. Curb scampers after you. > You go north You enter through the swing door, Curb on your heels. This room is much smaller than what the movies tell you. A stairway leads up to a gallery, though most of the roof and the upper floor is missing. A few chairs and tables gather dust, accompanied by a lone piano in a corner. A counter is near the back wall. An impressive chandelier dangles from the remains of the ceiling. On the counter is an empty pewter mug. Behind the counter is a shelf lined with a row of casks. An empty lemon juice bottle lies abandoned by the counter. > You play the piano You play some notes from "The Late Goodybe" by Poets of the Fall, but then realize that the piano is one of those automatons. It even features some screechy lyrics. You can make something about a guy called Tom, who was a slinger, but not slinging "a gun". Something about a more lyrical meaning. Thankfully, the record ends soon. Curb peers curiously at the Son of Toil bar and makes a famished whine. > Author Scene 4, "Ghosts", was written by Marius Mueller. > You take all shelf: That's fixed in place. empty glass bottle: Taken. empty pewter mug: Taken. > Examine mug It's empty. > You look at the bottle It's a clear glass bottle with a jaunty picture of an anthropomorphized lemon on the label. However, it is bone dry inside. Curb savagely gnaws at his genitals with slurpy snarls of contentment. > Bottle empty pewter mug: You already have that. empty glass bottle: You already have that. Curb stares at the rum cask with paranoid fascination. > You look at cask Which do you mean, the beer cask, the wine cask, the moonshine cask, the rum cask, the sarsaparilla cask, or the lemonade cask? > You look at the moonshine It has "XXXXX" stencilled on the front. Wow, five X's? That must be strong stuff! Curb peers curiously at the musket barrel. > You examine the sarsaparilla You see nothing special about the sarsaparilla cask. Curb skitters about. > You examine the wine It's labelled "House White". There doesn't seem to be a house red. Maybe the patrons of this saloon preferred delicate, subtle flavors. > You look at the beer You see nothing special about the beer cask. Curb chases his tail, squealing frustration. > You examine the rum It has the words "RED RUM" scratched crudely into the wood. Funny, the R's are backward. Maybe it's cyrillic and it really says YAED YAUM. Curb sniffs at the rum cask like the horrible little pervert he is. > Drink moonshine (the pewter mug of moonshine) You slam it back. Ahh, refreshing.

> You describe your surroundings This room is much smaller than what the movies tell you. A stairway leads up to a gallery, though most of the roof and the upper floor is missing. A few chairs and tables gather dust, accompanied by a lone piano in a corner. A counter is near the back wall. An impressive chandelier dangles from the remains of the ceiling. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Behind the counter is a shelf lined with a row of casks. > You look at the chandelier An old, cobwebbed chandelier. Looks like some sort of map is stuck in the chandelier. Curb attempts to howl, but it devolves into a whimper. > You take the map You can't reach it up there. Curb scratches his ear. > You get on piano That's not something you can enter. Curb tries to gnaw on the shelf. You shoo him off before he does too much damage. > You throw the barrel at the map (the musket barrel at the treasure map) Futile. Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs. > You throw the barrel at the chandelier (the musket barrel at the chandelier) You can't quite throw that high. Curb peers curiously at the Son of Toil bar and makes a famished whine. > You stand on Curb That's not something you can stand on. Curb skitters about. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. Curb peers curiously at the car keys. > You take Curb He's too heavy to carry about, and you'd get fleas. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You check your inventory You are carrying: an empty pewter mug an empty glass bottle a piece of paper an old bolt a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs. > You go upwards You've climbed half-way up the stairs. To go any further would be foolishly risking your life. An old piece of cloth sticks to the floorboards here. Curb scampers after you. > You examine the cloth An old piece of blue cloth. Could be ripped out from a pair of jeans or something. Curb snaps at flies. Curb eyes the piece of cloth with more than curiosity, something akin to keen interest. He sniffs it expectantly. > Show cloth to curb Curb sniffs the shred of cloth. He then holds up his head, and just for a moment, you can see, even in this big, repulsive heap of fat meat and dirty fur, the wolf, scenting the deer. > You go curb That's not something you can enter. Curb goes down.

[Themes: IF Whispers, surreal] > Go down This room is much smaller than what the movies tell you. A stairway leads up to a gallery, though most of the roof and the upper floor is missing. A few chairs and tables gather dust, accompanied by a lone piano in a corner. A counter is near the back wall. An impressive chandelier dangles from the remains of the ceiling. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Behind the counter is a shelf lined with a row of casks. Curb frantically digs a hole in a corner. > Wait Time passes. Curb tries to gnaw on the beer cask. You shoo him off before he does too much damage. > You examine the hole A hole, not as artfully dug as what you did in the cellar, but what can you expect from Curb? In it you can see a skull. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You take skull Taken. Curb tries to gnaw on the piano. You shoo him off before he does too much damage. > You look at it A human skull. It's wearing an eyepatch that's in surprisingly good condition. Curb peers curiously at the empty pewter mug. > You take the eyepatch You slide the eyepatch off the skull. Curb scratches at the ground with his forepaws. > You look in the skull You find nothing of interest. Curb peers curiously at the shred of cloth. > You put the bolt in the eyepatch The eyepatch won't keep anything in it for long. If you want to sling the old bolt at something, you should just sling the old bolt at it directly. > Sling bolt at map Taking good aim, and a few practice swings, you haul your missile at the treasure map- up and up it goes- Hit! The treasure map tumbles down. But so does a part of the chandelier, knocking you out. The last thing you hear is Curbs anxious growling. The last thing you feel, unfortunately, is Curbs wet tongue, licking your cheek. Then, thankfully, you pass out. *** You have knocked yourself out.*** You wake up with a bad headache. Outside, the sun is shining again, the sandstorm is gone. Curb has rolled up at your side, and for all his faults, you love him for that. > You put the bolt in the barrel (the musket barrel) That can't contain things. > You hit the chandelier with the barrel (the musket barrel) It's high up on the ceiling, out of reach. Curb sniffs at the counter like the horrible little pervert he is. > Sling bolt at map Taking good aim, and a few practice swings, you haul your missile at the treasure map- up and up it goes- Hit! The treasure map tumbles down. But so does a part of the chandelier, knocking you out. The last thing you hear is Curbs anxious growling. The last thing you feel, unfortunately, is Curbs wet tongue, licking your cheek. Then, thankfully, you pass out. *** You have knocked yourself out.*** You wake up with a bad headache. Outside, the sun is shining again, the sandstorm is gone. Curb has rolled up at your side, and for all his faults, you love him for that. Curb stares at the lemonade cask with paranoid fascination. > You take the map Taken. Curb sniffs at the chairs. like the horrible little pervert he is. > You look at the map Well, it's obviously a treasure map, because it has a big X on it to mark the spot. But it's a pretty strange map: it's completely blank, and has a light iridescent sheen to it, like a photographic plate. Also, it's strangely warm to the touch. > You touch the map It's definitely hotter in some spots than others. Curb vomits from excitement, his ribcage convulsing. He laps up the result hurriedly, before you steal his prize. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug an empty glass bottle a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb snaps at flies. > You touch the jar You feel nothing unexpected. Curb fixes you with a look of abject guilt and keens softly. > Author Scene 5, "Invisiclues", was written by Carl Muckenhoupt. > You read the Treasure Huntery "For one thing, the maps are often nearly as well-hidden as the treasures themselves. However, that doesn't mean you're left to search aimlessly. The purpose of the map is defeated if no one has access to it, so treasure maps can usually be found among the effects of the treasure-hiders, or in places they frequented. Look in residences, gathering-places, and vehicles." Curb peers curiously at Treasure Huntery Lesson 1. > Keep going "Once you've found your map, the next step is deciphering it. Treasure maps are usually encrypted or obfuscated in some way. Edgar Allan Poe's short story The Gold Bug tells about a map that has instructions written in code... and also in invisible ink!" > Continue "Invisible ink is actually surprisingly common in authentic treasure maps -- and one of the main reasons that there are still treasure maps that have gone undetected. The most popular form of invisible ink is ordinary lemon juice, although any weak acid works just as well. When heat is applied to the paper, the parts weakened by the lemon juice discolor more quickly. There are recorded attempts at developing an ink that would work the other way around, but to our knowledge this has never been done successfully." Curb scratches his ear. > You look at the lemonade You see nothing special about the lemonade cask. Curb attempts to howl, but it devolves into a whimper. > You fill the mug with the lemonade The lemonade cask seems to be empty. > You look at the lemon It's a clear glass bottle with a jaunty picture of an anthropomorphized lemon on the label. However, it is bone dry inside. > Inventory You are carrying: a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug an empty glass bottle a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb peers curiously at the diary. > You look at cask Which do you mean, the beer cask, the wine cask, the moonshine cask, the rum cask, the sarsaparilla cask, or the lemonade cask? > You fill the mug with the wine The pewter mug is now full of vinegar. Curb skitters about. > You pour the vinegar on the map (the pewter mug of vinegar on the treasure map) Little wisps of vinegar-scented smoke curl upward as an image appears on the map. > You examine the map The map shows an incomprehensible noisy pattern of red and blue pixels with a big black X in the middle. Curb fixes you with a look of abject guilt and keens softly. > You fill the bottle with the rum The glass bottle is now full of rum. Curb scratches at the ground with his forepaws. > You examine the rum (the glass bottle of rum) The rum is a brilliant red color, but it smells like rum all the same. > You look at the map through bottle Aha! When you look through the red rum, you the pattern becomes clear. Instead of a map, all you see is the word "LUXOR". What the heck? The treasure is in Egypt? Well, there's nothing for it. If you're going to get that treasure, you'll have to get to Egypt. One plane flight later, some checking with the remainder of the map, and you find your way to a worn-down souk by the Necropolis. You've followed your treasure map to this dingy little tobacco house on the eastern bank of the Nile. Sleepy old men gather around the hookahs and trade smoke. A cabinet full of curiosities lines the back wall. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Curb scratches at the ground with his forepaws. > Author Scene 6, "The One-Armed Time Bandit", was written by Michael Martin. > You look at the men The clientele here doesn't seem to be paying attention to much. Even the nicotine isn't keeping them alert. > You examine the cabinet In the cabinet are some artifacts. Curb tries to gnaw on the tables. You shoo him off before he does too much damage. > You look at artifacts These are relics and gewgaws from all over the world. One in particular catches your eye - a softwood box with your family crest imprinted on it. Curb peers curiously at the alligator stetson. > Examine box This fine sandalwood box must be some lost heirloom of your family line; it's got your crest on the lid. Curb peers curiously at the diary. > You examine the crest It's the same symbol and motto that has been passed down through your family for generations: An extinguished lantern under the phrase SIC SEMPER RIMORIS. Curb savagely gnaws at his genitals with slurpy snarls of contentment. > You take the box Taken. Curb peers curiously at the piece of paper. > You open the box You open the heirloom box, revealing a decoder ring and a slip of paper. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You read the slip This old slip of paper has the mysterious message DSAJX YPFC, XUJPER on it. Curb peers curiously at the Twinkie and makes a famished whine. > You examine the ring This decoder ring has a wheel that matches letters to other letters. Surely, with this, the darkest secrets of the cosmos are yours. [To use the decoder ring, type the command DECODE (text), where (text) is the text you wish to decode.] > You wear the ring (first taking the decoder ring) You put on the decoder ring. Curb stares at the tables with paranoid fascination. > You look at the tables The tables here are stained with years of smoking. Curb snaps at flies. > Xujper Using your mighty ancestral decoder ring, you decode DSAJX YPFC, XUJPER to WRONG CITY, GENIUS. > Decode luxor You ponder the map. "LUXOR" alone really isn't much of a clue to finding the treasure on its own. Perhaps if you put your ancestral decoder ring to work, it will produce a new clue. Let's see. "L" maps to "V", "U" to "E"... You feel a certain sinking feeling as you guess the rest. Yep. "LUXOR" decodes to "VEGAS". You've been searching on the wrong continent all this time. At least you did get that it was in a desert, though. Time to book another flight. It's dry as a bone out there, but at least in here the drinks flow freely. The map, suitably reinterpreted to this locale, lead you to this slot machine, right on the X in LUXOR. All around you, blinking, screaming electronics want to take your money, but your steely resolve remains undeterred. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Curb skitters about. > You examine the machine This slot machine looks much like the others here; video screens showing results, lots and lots of flashing lights and exciting sounds, and a slot with which you may insert all your money. > Play machine You stick a token in the machine and pull the lever. Lemon, Lemon, and... your family crest? This is no ordinary slot machine. It's no ordinary payout mechanism, either. A chute opens up beneath you, and you slide into darkness. This is more like it! The chute took you into this awesome command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. You can also see a ladder here. Curb peers curiously at the alligator stetson. > You climb the ladder You're here in front of a slot machine situated right on top of the X in the Luxor's logo. All around you, blinking, screaming electronics want to take your money, but your steely resolve remains undeterred. A dark passage in front of the slot machine leads down. Curb scampers after you. > You look at the slot This slot machine looks much like the others here; video screens showing results, lots and lots of flashing lights and exciting sounds, and a slot with which you may insert all your money. Curb peers curiously at the decoder ring.

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC, post-apocalyptic] > Go down This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Curb scampers after you. Whether you like it or not. > Go north The acoustics in this room look carefully shaped, which is odd, because the centerpiece of this room is in fact a huge brass cannon. As you enter, a booming voice intones, "STAND BY FOR MIND CONTROL." > Test Time passes. The booming voice continues, "GO SOUTH." >go south This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Curb scampers after you. > Go south This room is decorated in the severest of blacks and whites. Everything is dead silent. A passageway leads quietly back up to the north. An invisible box squats against the south wall. You can also see a phantom wind machine here. Curb scampers after you. > You look at the wind machine This is a small switch, painted in severe black and white. It is labeled "PHANTOM WIND MACHINE". Beneath that, in much smaller letters, is inscribed KUKURQPUVW. The phantom wind machine is currently switched off. Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs. > Decode kukurqpuvw Using your mighty ancestral decoder ring, you decode KUKURQPUVW to MEMESHIELD. Curb gnaws hungrily on his own forepaw. > You turn on MACHINE You switch on the device, and suddenly a powerful wind assaults your face. Oddly, your hair and possessions seem totally unaffected. > Go north It's slow going fighting through the imaginary wind that's whipping your face. This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Curb scampers after you. Whether you like it or not. > You go west It's slow going fighting through the imaginary wind that's whipping your face. This room appears to be some sort of shrine to old arcade games. A passage leads back east. Curb scampers after you. > Play What do you want to play? > You go to the east It's slow going fighting through the imaginary wind that's whipping your face. This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Curb scampers after you. The wind abruptly stops. > You examine hat (the alligator stetson) You never seen an alligator, but it's certain they make a fine hat. > You take the hat (the alligator stetson) You already have that. Curb savagely gnaws at his genitals with slurpy snarls of contentment. > You take the mome hat Though you realize that you risk the dreaded Mome Wrath for your defilement, you collect the Mome hat. Curb sniffs at the Mome statue like the horrible little pervert he is. > You wear it You put on the Mome hat. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open) a slip of paper a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs. > Pray You mumble a prayer from your childhood: I see the moon, and the moon sees me. God bless the moon and God bless me. It's a pretty selfish prayer, when you think about it. I mean, the moon is covered, but I guess you really don't care about anything or anyone else, do you? I swear... you belong in Vegas. Curb peers curiously at the piece of paper. > You look at the statue The Mome's hat has been stolen. Curb peers curiously at Treasure Huntery Lesson 1. > About yourself You're tall and thirsty. Too old to be drifting loose, too young to have done anything much to deserve confirmation - your tattoos show that much. Curb chases his tail, squealing frustration. > Kiss statue You can only do that to something animate. > You examine the tattoos Your right arm, left hand and the left side of your face are partially covered with blocky, rounded glyphs precisely specifying your age, blood type, status (social, economic, marital) and affiliations (birth-clan, adopted clan, moiety, college). None of which are going to impress anybody, except for the adopted-clan part, perhaps; Aunt Mabel's reputation extends across the known world. But even so, the conspicuous hollow circles on the backs of both hands mark you as unconfirmed. Curb starts at nothing, and half falls over in a desperate attempt to escape it. > You go west This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Curb scampers after you. > You examine MACHINE This is a small switch, painted in severe black and white. It is labeled "PHANTOM WIND MACHINE". Beneath that, in much smaller letters, is inscribed KUKURQPUVW. The phantom wind machine is currently switched off. Curb fixes you with a look of abject guilt and keens softly. > You turn on MACHINE You switch on the device, and suddenly a powerful wind assaults your face. Oddly, your hair and possessions seem totally unaffected. Curb vomits from excitement, his ribcage convulsing. He laps up the result hurriedly, before you steal his prize. > You go north It's slow going fighting through the imaginary wind that's whipping your face. This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Curb scampers after you. > You go to the north It's slow going fighting through the imaginary wind that's whipping your face. The acoustics in this room look carefully shaped, which is odd, because the centerpiece of this room is in fact a huge brass cannon. A booming voice intones a command at you. The winds surrounding you distort the voice. You think it said "STAND BY FOR MIME CONTRAIL." > You examine the cannon You enter the cannon. The booming voice continues with what sounds like "NOW SHOOT." > Shoot cannon The cannon fires, rocketing you through the plate glass window and into the room beyond. It's not as tidy as it was before you made your grand entrance through the window to the south, but this is still a perfectly functional office. An official-looking door leads west. Curb scampers after you. > You examine the window You see nothing special about the plate glass window, except for the fact that it's been smashed into a hojillion pieces, thus allowing you access to the room beyond. Curb sniffs at your tattoos like the horrible little pervert he is. > You go to the west It's slow going fighting through the imaginary wind that's whipping your face. You are in a brightly-lit pillared underground chamber, with purple shag carpeting and a group of very generous people. A back office lies to the east, while the west end of the lounge gives off a gentle glow. You can see Bruce K, Corinne Q, Sammy Z-E, a Cubist shape, a red square, a gray square, a brown square, and a black square here. Curb scampers after you. The wind abruptly stops. > Author Scene 7, "TBA", was written by N.B. Horvath. > You take all Cubist shape: Taken. red square: Taken. gray square: Taken. brown square: Taken. black square: Taken. slip of paper: Taken. Bruce K gifts a small wooden fish to Corinne Q. Corinne Q hands a small wooden woodchuck to Bruce K. Sammy Z-E transfers a plastic card to Bruce K. Bruce K passes a bolt of cloth to Sammy Z-E. > You read slip This old slip of paper has the mysterious message DSAJX YPFC, XUJPER on it. Bruce K gives a bolt of inspiration to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E presents a small wooden house to Bruce K. Sammy Z-E forks over a bolt of cloth to Bruce K. Bruce K gives a bolt of cloth to Sammy Z-E. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a slip of paper a black square a brown square a gray square > You examine paper a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open but empty) a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Which do you mean, the slip of paper, or the piece of paper? > You give square to Sammy Which do you mean, the black square, the brown square, the gray square, or the red square? > You look at the piece Which do you mean, the shred of cloth, or the piece of paper? > You examine the piece of paper An old, brittle, yellowing piece of paper, maybe once a shopping list, written in big, painful capital letters. Some of it has succumbed to time, but what you can read says: (smudge) RTS CREAM 2 DOSEN EGG 6 HINDGE BOLTS 50# LEAD FOR SHOOTING HALF DOSEN LEMONS MEDECENE FO(smudge)MPA The rest is all a blur. > Go west This end of the Giving Lounge is bathed in gentle light. A set of (literally) pearly gates stands to the west. You pause to reflect on this for a moment. The fact that the pearly gates are underground adds that extra touch of Vegas oddness to the scene. You can see a set of pearly gates and a guardian angel here. Curb scampers after you. > You examine angel Actually he's dressed as a Roman centurion, but you can tell that he's a guardian angel from the "HELLO MY NAME IS" name tag. > You go west The angel gently blocks your way. "Sorry my child. You are not enlightened. You do not match. Not yet." > You ask the angel about the enlightenment There is no reply. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You ask the angel about the match There is no reply. Curb peers curiously at the treasure map. > You go east You are in a brightly-lit pillared underground chamber, with purple shag carpeting and a group of very generous people. A back office lies to the east, while the west end of the lounge gives off a gentle glow. You can see Bruce K, Corinne Q, and Sammy Z-E here. Curb scampers after you. Bruce K gifts a small wooden fish to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E transfers a souvenir clock to Bruce K. Sammy Z-E gifts a small wooden fish to Corinne Q. Corinne Q gifts a bolt of lightning to Sammy Z-E. > You give the cubist shape to Sammy You give the Cubist shape to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E donates a bolt of cloth to you. Corinne Q passes a souvenir anchor to Bruce K. Bruce K gives a souvenir clock to Corinne Q. > You give the bolt of the cloth to Corinne You give the bolt of cloth to Corinne Q. Corinne Q gives a plastic sword to you. Bruce K gifts a plastic shield to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E hands a plastic card to Bruce K. Sammy Z-E gifts a plastic shield to Bruce K. Bruce K forks over a plastic card to Sammy Z-E. > You look at Bruce Bruce K is identified by an extremely generic "HELLO MY NAME IS" name tag. He looks to be in his fifties. He stands a little over 6 feet tall, but he is stooped over slightly. He is wearing golf clothes and out-of-fashion glasses. Bruce K is carrying a plastic shield, a souvenir anchor, a souvenir basketball, and a bolt of inspiration. Corinne Q passes a souvenir clock to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E forks over a souvenir clock to Corinne Q. > You examine Sammy Sammy Z-E is identified by an extremely generic "HELLO MY NAME IS" name tag. He is probably in his early twenties but looks ten years younger than that. Sammy Z-E is carrying a plastic card, a Cubist shape, a bolt of lightning, and a small wooden woodchuck. Bruce K transfers a souvenir basketball to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E gives a small wooden woodchuck to Bruce K. Corinne Q gives a small wooden house to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E presents a souvenir basketball to Corinne Q. > You hit Corinne Violence isn't the answer to this one. Corinne Q gives a bolt of cloth to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E transfers a plastic card to Corinne Q. > You look at Corinne Corinne Q is identified by an extremely generic "HELLO MY NAME IS" name tag. She is thirtysomething, stylish and attractive but a little nervous-looking. Corinne Q is carrying a plastic card, a souvenir basketball, a souvenir clock, and a small wooden fish. > You examine square Which do you mean, the black square, the brown square, the gray square, or the red square? > You look at the bolt Which do you mean, the bolt of inspiration, the bolt of cloth, or the bolt of lightning? > You look at wooden Which do you mean, the small wooden woodchuck, the small wooden fish, or the small wooden house? > You examine the souvenir Which do you mean, the souvenir anchor, the souvenir basketball, or the souvenir clock? > You examine the black square This looks like another MOMA projectile. Corinne Q gives a souvenir clock to Bruce K. Bruce K gifts a souvenir anchor to Corinne Q. > You examine the brown square This looks like another MOMA projectile. Corinne Q hands a small wooden fish to Bruce K. Bruce K gives a small wooden fish to Corinne Q. > You give the black square to Bruce You give the black square to Bruce K. Bruce K gives a plastic shield to you. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a plastic shield a plastic sword a slip of paper a brown square a gray square a red square a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open but empty) a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 Corinne Q passes a souvenir basketball to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E presents a bolt of lightning to Corinne Q. > You look at Corinne Corinne Q is identified by an extremely generic "HELLO MY NAME IS" name tag. She is thirtysomething, stylish and attractive but a little nervous-looking. Corinne Q is carrying a bolt of lightning, a small wooden fish, a souvenir anchor, and a plastic card. Bruce K forks over a souvenir clock to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E donates a Cubist shape to Bruce K. > You give the brown square to Corinne You give the brown square to Corinne Q. Corinne Q gives a brown square to you. Bruce K hands a bolt of inspiration to Corinne Q. Corinne Q gives a small wooden fish to Bruce K. > You give the brown square to Corinne You give the brown square to Corinne Q. Corinne Q forks over a plastic card to you. You glow with enlightenment. > Go west This end of the Giving Lounge is bathed in gentle light. A set of (literally) pearly gates stands to the west. You pause to reflect on this for a moment. The fact that the pearly gates are underground adds that extra touch of Vegas oddness to the scene. You can see a set of pearly gates and a guardian angel here. Curb scampers after you. You glow with enlightenment. > You go to the west The angel opens the gates with a smile, and you pass beyond. Could the treasure you seek lie beyond? The underground Las Vegas version of Heaven is as big as a major city railway terminal and brilliantly lit, with a high vault ceiling painted sky blue. Vapory, cottoney off-white structures flit about the room, blown by a pleasant breeze from discreetly placed and deeply muffled fans. It's all spectacularly fake, of course, but with superb production values. You can see a set of pearly gates and a heart-shaped bed here. And, more to the point, there's someone on the bed. Curb scampers after you. > Author Scene 8, "Heaven is Heart-Shaped Bed", was written by Jacqueline A Lott. > You look at someone The woman on the bed is nothing short of a goddess. And it's not just the tacky Vegas version of Heaven that's making you think that way. > You examine the bed The, um, goddess is lying down on a heart-shaped bed. Maybe it's more of a couch. It doesn't seem to have any sheets or anything... it seems to be upholstered in white fur. Looks soft, though. The couch, I mean. Well, the goddess too. I mean, she's not fat or anything. Just soft. You know, her skin. Curb peers curiously at the empty pewter mug. > Hi There is no reply. Curb vomits from excitement, his ribcage convulsing. He laps up the result hurriedly, before you steal his prize. > You ask the goddess about the goddess She just smiles at you seductively. Curb scratches his ear. > You ask the goddess about the Treasure She giggles a little, but doesn't say a word. Curb peers curiously at the red square. > You ask the goddess about the Vegas She raises an eyebrow, but remains silent. > You look under the bed You find nothing of interest. Curb peers curiously at the musket barrel. > You ask the goddess about Curb She giggles a little, but doesn't say a word. Curb scratches his ear. > You give the tokens to Goddess The Goddess doesn't seem interested. Curb skitters about. > You enter the bed You advance toward her, but she shakes her head. "I don't think so, lover. I'm not quite that easy... I'm a goddess, after all." Curb scratches at the ground with his forepaws. > Kiss Goddess You walk toward her, but she raises a hand to stop you. "Sorry, my darling. I'm not quite that easy... I'm a goddess, after all." > Pray You prostrate yourself before the goddess. She lowers her gaze. "Welcome to Heaven, you fiendish thing. Come here, lover." Curb chases his tail, squealing frustration. > You enter the bed You walk toward her, and she welcomes you with open arms. She smiles as you climb up into the big, white, furry couch. Just one kiss, and the world seems to dissolve around you... > You kiss her Oh, now you've done it. Or at least, you presume that you've done it, since you don't really remember anything after that first kiss. You're all alone on your conjugal couch. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. You can't see "her" (the Goddess) at the moment.

[Themes: IF Whispers, post-apocalyptic, sidekick NPC] > You look around Oh, now you've done it. Or at least, you presume that you've done it, since you don't really remember anything after that first kiss. You're all alone on your conjugal couch. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Curb writhes about on his back, kicking his hind legs. > Author Scene 9, "Hell Hath No Fury", was written by Brian Rapp. > You stand The floor opens up beneath you, and you fall for an exceedingly great distance... Cut off from everything good in the universe, your sensations are limited to pain, frustration, and ennui. You are immersed in an endless sea of fire, which certainly doesn't help matters. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. You can also see a devil, a helicopter, and a red gear here. > You examine gear You see nothing special about the red gear. Goodness gracious me. What sort of thing just appeared in your hands? Some sort of box? > You examine the devil The banality of evil is personified by this loathsome fellow, who doesn't project fear so much as an intense longing to be anywhere other than in his presence. The devil looks in your direction and says "Cerberus! Where have you been?" He then seizes Curb by the neck and drags him away, continuing to abuse the animal for abandoning his duty. You are unable to care about this turn of events, but notice that the devil has lost his helmet during the struggle. > Gear helmet: The imp on your left shoulder warns you: "Thou shalt not steal." On your right shoulder, G. K. Chesterton replies: "Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it." You hadn't noticed either of these apparitions before this moment, but find yourself leaning in the direction of the latter. You pick up the horned helmet. red gear: Taken. > You examine the helicopter This helicopter is a magical shade of black that casts neither reflections nor shadows. It is almost entirely featureless, inside and out. > Wear helmet It suddenly becomes difficult to think. > You think Unbearably hellish music overwhelms your thoughts. You struggle mightily to think about something else. > You remove the helmet You take off the helmet.

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC] > You describe your surroundings Cut off from everything good in the universe, your sensations are limited to pain, frustration, and ennui. You are immersed in an endless sea of fire, which certainly doesn't help matters. You can see a helicopter here. > You enter the helicopter You get into the helicopter. > Pray You mumble a prayer from your childhood: I see the moon, and the moon sees me. God bless the moon and God bless me. It's a pretty selfish prayer, when you think about it. I mean, the moon is covered, but I guess you really don't care about anything or anyone else, do you? I swear... you belong in Vegas. > You examine the helicopter You search in vain for any kind of control mechanism. > You think The helicopter hovers amidst the flames and describes a very slow spiral in the air, as if it were searching for something. > You think about Curb That won't do. You want to be thinking of something smaller, something you can take with you wherever you may go. > You think about the hope Your thoughts instead turn to feelings of loss... Poignant loss... Loss of something tangible and true. > You think about the loss Yes, loss... You've lost something of value, and you need to think on it more fully. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a red gear a G. K. Chesterton on your right shoulder an imp on your left shoulder a helmet (being worn) a Nox box (closed) an accordion a plastic card a plastic shield a plastic sword a slip of paper a gray square a red square a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open but empty) a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 > You examine the imp As if suddenly embarrassed by your attention, both figments disappear without a sound. You straighten your shoulders with a certain sense of relief, and appreciate the opportunity to do so.

> Look around Hell (in the helicopter) Cut off from everything good in the universe, your sensations are limited to pain, frustration, and ennui. You are immersed in an endless sea of fire, which certainly doesn't help matters. > You look at Nox Box The box is square, solid black, and inlaid with strands of silver that makes an unusual and almost hypnotic pattern on all six sides. It's just about the size of the old Christmas presents you used to shake as a kid to guess their contents. The Nox Box makes a slight humming noise. > You put gear in Box (the Nox box) The Nox box is closed. > You open Nox Box You open the Nox box, revealing a gear slot. > You put the gear in it (the red gear in the Nox box) You put the red gear into the gear slot. > Author Scene 9, "Hell Hath No Fury", was written by Brian Rapp. > Shake box (the Nox box) An alarming rattling sound comes from within the gear slot. > Inventory You are carrying: a helmet (being worn) a Nox box (open) a gear slot a red gear an accordion a plastic card a plastic shield a plastic sword a slip of paper a gray square a red square a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open but empty) a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 > Close Box (the Nox box) You close the Nox box. > Examine box (the Nox box) The box is square, solid black, and inlaid with strands of silver that makes an unusual and almost hypnotic pattern on all six sides. It's just about the size of the old Christmas presents you used to shake as a kid to guess their contents. The Nox Box makes a slight humming noise. > Shake box (the Nox box) As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of a house. > You look at the pattern The pattern, although still confusingly complex, gives you the vague impression of a house. > Inventory You are carrying: a helmet (being worn) a Nox box (closed) an accordion a plastic card a plastic shield a plastic sword a slip of paper a gray square a red square a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open but empty) a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1 > You look at the accordion Black as night, black as coal. You wouldn't mind at all the prospect of seeing it blotted out. > You play it Your rendition of "Chariots of Fire" is far more depressing than it has any right to be. > You think about the guitar The helicopter whirs with newfound energy, and whisks you away at what can only be described as the speed of thought. Flames and darkness and loss all evaporate in a hurricane of recovered emotion... A nothingness full of whiteness surrounds you. The only way out is not to leave. Disconcertingly, one of your possessions is making a faint buzzing sound. You can see your guitar here. > You play the guitar (first taking the guitar) You play a few notes of "Greensleeves." Contrary to IF convention, you actually play quite well. > Examine box The box is square, solid black, and inlaid with strands of silver that makes an unusual and almost hypnotic pattern on all six sides. It's just about the size of the old Christmas presents you used to shake as a kid to guess their contents. The Nox Box makes a noticable buzzing sound. Scene 10, "Endgame", was written by Mark J Musante. (the Nox box) The box is square, solid black, and inlaid with strands of silver that makes an unusual and almost hypnotic pattern on all six sides. It's just about the size of the old Christmas presents you used to shake as a kid to guess their contents. The Nox Box makes a noticable buzzing sound. > You look at the pattern The pattern, although still confusingly complex, gives you the vague impression of a house. > Shake nox As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of a house.

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC, surreal] > Look around A nothingness full of whiteness surrounds you. The only way out is not to leave. Disconcertingly, one of your possessions is making a faint buzzing sound. > You touch Box (the Nox box) You feel nothing unexpected. > Examine box (the Nox box) The box is square, solid black, and inlaid with strands of silver that makes an unusual and almost hypnotic pattern on all six sides. It's just about the size of the old Christmas presents you used to shake as a kid to guess their contents. The Nox Box makes a noticable buzzing sound. > You open Box (the Nox box) You open the Nox box, revealing a gear slot. > You look in the slot In the gear slot is a red gear. > Close Box (the Nox box) You close the Nox box. > You examine the guitar Your faithful rosewood six-string. > Wear helmet It suddenly becomes difficult to think. > You think about the guitar Unbearably hellish music overwhelms your thoughts. You struggle mightily to think about something else. > You play guitar You play a few notes of "Chobits ending theme 2". Contrary to IF convention, you actually play quite well. > You search the guitar The guitar is empty. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! This would be pitch-black if it weren't for your glow-jar and a bit of light coming in via the window. A rickety staircase leads upwards. You can see a cupboard (closed) here. The Nox Box seems to have vanished from your possessions. > You open the cupboard You open the cupboard, revealing a yellow gear and a blue gear. > You take the gears yellow gear: Taken. blue gear: Taken. > You go upward With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... You're here in front of a slot machine situated right on top of the X in the Luxor's logo. All around you, blinking, screaming electronics want to take your money, but your steely resolve remains undeterred. A dark passage in front of the slot machine leads down. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > You get Box (the Nox box) You already have that. > You open Nox You open the Nox box, revealing a gear slot. > You put the yellow gear in Nox You put the yellow gear into the gear slot. > You put the blue gear in Nox You put the blue gear into the gear slot. > Close nox You close the Nox box. > Shake nox As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of a field. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! A wide open field with a blue sky above. Far off in the distance, towards the setting sun, you can see a large, lone tree. Closer by, like nearly on top of you, is an enormous trebuchet. You can see an orange gear here. The Nox Box has vanished again. > You take the orange gear Taken. > You examine the Tree Far off in the distance, you can just make out a tree poking up over the tall grass. > You look at trebuchet The enormity of this enormous trebuchet is enor... is staggering. The wheels themselves are easily forty feet in diameter, if not more. The top reaches too high to even estimate. The rope is thicker than a tree trunk. A really thick tree trunk. The sling is currently empty, and an amusingly small lever built into the side looks like it'll set it off. Far overhead, you hear the buzzing of a plane. > You examine the plane You can definitely hear it, but you can't quite see it. The buzzing becomes louder. > Wait Time passes. The plane is almost directly overhead. > You wait awhile Time passes. The plane continues on its way across the sky. > You examine the rope The enormity of this enormous trebuchet is enor... is staggering. The wheels themselves are easily forty feet in diameter, if not more. The top reaches too high to even estimate. The rope is thicker than a tree trunk. A really thick tree trunk. The sling is currently empty, and an amusingly small lever built into the side looks like it'll set it off. The buzzing becomes very faint as the plane flies out of view. > Go north With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... A wide porch of wood slats, with the obligatory animal skulls nailed up against the wall. South leads back to the road; north takes you inside. Just outside the shadowed doorway, a parched corpse slumps in a rocking-chair. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > You open Nox You open the Nox box, revealing a gear slot. > You put the orange gear in the slot You put the orange gear into the gear slot. > Close Box (the Nox box) You close the Nox box. > Shake nox As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of a tree. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! A tree stands majestically in the middle of a great open field. The sun, just rising over the horizon, makes the tree's shadow stretch off over the grass into the distance. The field continues in all directions. The Nox Box has vanished again. > You look at the Tree You're not exactly sure what kind of tree this is as you're not a botanist. However, it is tall and sturdy and makes a nice amount of shade, and high up in the branches you can just make out a gear of some hue or other. > You climb the Tree With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... You've climbed half-way up the stairs. To go any further would be foolishly risking your life. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > You examine Nox The box is square, solid black, and inlaid with strands of silver that makes an unusual and almost hypnotic pattern on all six sides. It's just about the size of the old Christmas presents you used to shake as a kid to guess their contents. The Nox Box makes a noticable buzzing sound. > You examine the pattern The pattern, although still confusingly complex, gives you the vague impression of a tree. > Shake nox As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of an enclosed space. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! Hunched over in a cramped, lurching, noisy cabin makes your back hurt and endangers your hearing. Wires and cables are strung neatly nearly everywhere, and pipes prove useful when you need to grab onto something. A hatch in the ceiling leads to the deck above you, and a door is set into the hull of the plane. You can see a hull door, a hatch, and a giant silver sphere here. The Nox Box has vanished again. > You examine the sphere Although the sphere appears to be silver, you can't be certain exactly what metal it's made of. The surface of it dances and swirls before your eyes, and when you lean close to it, your reflection distorts amusingly. At least, you assume your nose isn't that big. > Author Scene 10, "Endgame", was written by Mark J Musante. > You open hatch You open the hatch. > Go upward With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... This is clearly some kind of command center. An important-looking door leads off to the north, while more unassuming ones lead in all other cardinal directions. Surely some hint to the treasure must be in this secret complex. You can see a ladder here. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > You open the hull door You open the hull door. > You enter the hull door You leap to your death. And your death takes a while to hit you, mostly because it comes in the form of the ground, which was far far below the plane. > You open hatch That's already open. > You go upwards With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... The building is in the state you've expected from a ghost town. Its upper floor is completely gone, but the front is still standing, and you can barely make out the words Kissing Bandit Saloon in sun-bleached red paint. One half of a swinging door leads north, inside. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! A wide open field with a blue sky above. Far off in the distance, towards the setting sun, you can see a large, lone tree. Closer by, like nearly on top of you, is an enormous trebuchet. The Nox Box has vanished again. > You examine the trebuchet The enormity of this enormous trebuchet is enor... is staggering. The wheels themselves are easily forty feet in diameter, if not more. The top reaches too high to even estimate. The rope is thicker than a tree trunk. A really thick tree trunk. The sling is currently empty, and an amusingly small lever built into the side looks like it'll set it off. > You wait awhile Time passes. > You wait awhile Time passes. Far overhead, you hear the buzzing of a plane. > You wait for a while Time passes. The buzzing becomes louder. > You wait a while Time passes. The plane is almost directly overhead. A glint of light shines briefly below the plane. You squint but can't make it out. > Wait Time passes. The plane continues on its way across the sky. The glint of light becomes brighter, and a rushing, crackly, whooshing sound is coming from it. > Wait Time passes. The buzzing becomes very faint as the plane flies out of view. The glint of light rushes towards the ground at a fantastic rate. It thuds into the earth, throwing up rocks and dirt in an amazing display. Still more amazingly, it bounces up into the air and with a neat "plop", lands gently onto the trebuchet. > You pull the lever Slowly at first, and then with increasing speed, the trebuchet pulls the loaded sling underneath and then the sling swings free. It flies far out into the distance and curves upwards in an arc that seems slow only because of the distance involved. At the top of the swing, almost up into the clouds, you see a flash of light as the sphere is thrown clear of the sling. It flies high into the air and you wait and wait as it comes down almost at the horizon. And right into the large lone tree in the distance. The tree shudders once and is still. > Go north With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... This room is much smaller than what the movies tell you. A stairway leads up to a gallery, though most of the roof and the upper floor is missing. A few chairs and tables gather dust, accompanied by a lone piano in a corner. A counter is near the back wall. An impressive chandelier dangles from the remains of the ceiling. Curb has dug a hole into the ground here. Behind the counter is a shelf lined with a row of casks. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > Shake nox As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of a tree. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! A tree stands majestically in the middle of a great open field. The sun, just rising over the horizon, makes the tree's shadow stretch off over the grass into the distance. The field continues in all directions. You can see a giant silver sphere and an indigo gear here. The Nox Box has vanished again. > You take the indigo Taken. > You examine the sphere Although the sphere appears to be silver, you can't be certain exactly what metal it's made of. The surface of it dances and swirls before your eyes, and when you lean close to it, your reflection distorts amusingly. At least, you assume your nose isn't that big. Despite the fact that it took quite a journey since you saw it last, it appears completely unharmed, with not a scratch to be seen. > You examine the Tree You're not exactly sure what kind of tree this is as you're not a botanist. However, it is tall and sturdy and makes a nice amount of shade, although many of the branches are splintered and broken. > You go north With a blink and a flash, you're suddenly somewhere a bit more familiar... This end of the Giving Lounge is bathed in gentle light. A set of (literally) pearly gates stands to the west. You pause to reflect on this for a moment. The fact that the pearly gates are underground adds that extra touch of Vegas oddness to the scene. You can see a set of pearly gates and a guardian angel here. Your possessions shift slightly. The Nox Box seems to have returned. > You put the indigo in Nox You put the indigo gear into the gear slot. > Close nox You close the Nox box. > Continue As the box shakes, you get a vague impression of a beach. > Touch pattern A snap of static jumps from the pattern to your fingers, and the world collapses around you! A picturesque beach at sunset. Clich?, but extremely pleasant. The sun glints over the waters as the waves crash gently on the shore. The beach is secluded, with cliffs all around you. At last, you can relax. It seems like forever ago when you started in By Your Car and your odd and surreal journey began. But now it's over, and you've found a place to rest. All it needs is a bit of music to be complete. The Nox Box has vanished again. > You play the guitar You sit down in a comfortable spot, expertly tune your guitar, and play music to match the peaceful beauty of your surroundings. Your fingers fly over the guitar strings with the effortless ease of one who has mastered the instrument, and you close your eyes, breathing a sigh of completion. > 3 Enter saved game to load: Restore failed. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?

[Themes: IF Whispers] > You look at your surroundings You are in a brightly-lit pillared underground chamber, with purple shag carpeting and a group of very generous people. A back office lies to the east, while the west end of the lounge gives off a gentle glow. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. You can also see Bruce K, Corinne Q, and Sammy Z-E here. Corinne Q passes a brown square to Sammy Z-E. Sammy Z-E gifts a small wooden house to Corinne Q. You glow with enlightenment. > Go west This end of the Giving Lounge is bathed in gentle light. A set of (literally) pearly gates stands to the west. You pause to reflect on this for a moment. The fact that the pearly gates are underground adds that extra touch of Vegas oddness to the scene. You can see a set of pearly gates and a guardian angel here. Curb scampers after you. You glow with enlightenment. > You go to the west The angel opens the gates with a smile, and you pass beyond. Could the treasure you seek lie beyond? The underground Las Vegas version of Heaven is as big as a major city railway terminal and brilliantly lit, with a high vault ceiling painted sky blue. Vapory, cottoney off-white structures flit about the room, blown by a pleasant breeze from discreetly placed and deeply muffled fans. It's all spectacularly fake, of course, but with superb production values. You can see a set of pearly gates and a heart-shaped bed here. And, more to the point, there's someone on the bed. Curb scampers after you. > Blaspheme "What do you think you are?" you ask. "Some kind of hot and holy little sex muffin? I'll have you know that I possess strong moral fiber, and will not succumb to your feminine wiles!" Her eyes open wide and fill with rage. "Oh, you won't, will you?" You catch a brief glimpse of her cleavage. "Um..." Must. Look. In. Her. Eyes... "No. No, I won't!" "You're perfectly sure?" She crawls toward you a little bit more. "Absolutely certain?" Gosh, I dunno. Are you sure? > No You give it some thought. Real thought, this time, not just impulse... And you realize that maybe the Vegas lifestyle isn't so bad. Not really. Looks like it might be fun, actually, to climb up onto the fuzzy white bed and... ...and what? Gosh. You're not sure. You think about that, too... And you decide that you'll do pretty much whatever she wants you to do. "What the hell?" you say. "Why not?" She smiles as you climb up into the big, white, furry couch and snuggle up beside her. Just one kiss, and the world seems to dissolve around you... Oh, now you've done it. Or at least, you presume that you've done it, since you don't really remember anything after that first kiss. You're all alone on your conjugal couch. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Curb peers curiously at the Twinkie and makes a famished whine. > Yes You gather all of your strength and cry out, "YES!" "Hm. Very well, then. Goodbye!" And with that, the floor opens up beneath you, and you faaaallll... Cut off from everything good in the universe, your sensations are limited to pain, frustration, and ennui. You are immersed in an endless sea of fire, which certainly doesn't help matters. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. You can also see a devil, a helicopter, and a red gear here. Curb chases his tail, squealing frustration. > Pet Goddess You stride toward her, but she shakes her head. "I'm afraid not, my darling. I'm not quite that easy... I'm a goddess, after all." > No You give it some thought. Real thought, this time, not just impulse... And you realize that maybe the Vegas lifestyle isn't so bad. Not really. Looks like it might be fun, actually, to climb up onto the fuzzy white bed and... ...and what? Gosh. You're not sure. You think about that, too... And you decide that you'll do pretty much whatever she wants you to do. "What the hell?" you say. "Why not?" She smiles as you climb up into the big, white, furry couch and snuggle up beside her. Just one kiss, and the world seems to dissolve around you... Oh, now you've done it. Or at least, you presume that you've done it, since you don't really remember anything after that first kiss. You're all alone on your conjugal couch. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Curb peers curiously at the panga. > You give the hat to Goddess Which do you mean, the Mome hat, or the alligator stetson? > You check your inventory You are carrying: a plastic card a plastic shield a plastic sword a slip of paper a gray square a red square a Mome hat (being worn) some gambling tokens a decoder ring (being worn) a heirloom box (open but empty) a treasure map an eyepatch a skull a shred of cloth an empty pewter mug a glass bottle of rum a piece of paper a diary a glow-jar (providing light) your car keys (disgusting) a Son of Toil bar a Twinkie a musket barrel your guitar an alligator stetson (being worn) your panga Treasure Huntery Lesson 1

[Themes: IF Whispers, sidekick NPC, surreal, post-apocalyptic] > You look around Oh, now you've done it. Or at least, you presume that you've done it, since you don't really remember anything after that first kiss. You're all alone on your conjugal couch. Curb detracts from the scenic value of the vicinity. Curb skitters about.

[Themes: Horror, profanity] It's Saturday night, and it's time to kick out some jams. You've been working your ass off all week, with the radio blaring stories at you about how some stupid prick politician faked his dissertation, and you're in dire need of some bass and some beer. Good thing it's that part of the month again: Department of Volxvergnuegen is throwing one of their action-packed techno parties at Glockenbachwerkstatt! Dr. Kong in: Plan DSDS from practice space (The Volxvergnuegen Adventure) A time travel anomaly by Two Guys From The Other Bar You are standing outside of the club. Basses are pumping. You can enter the building through a big green door to the north or go east around the corner to the side of the building. Above you is the night sky. TO GET SOME INFORMATION ABOUT THIS GAME, TYPE "INFO" TO GET SOME HELP FOR PLAYING THIS GAME, TYPE "HELP". You can see Technodude and Electrowoman here. [Author's Note: All you want is to have a good time at the party. But then the people at the club turn out to be less alive and more kicking, the music completely sucks, and to top it all off, someone has kidnapped your internet pal mandy95.] > Info Hello, and welcome. This is a special little game. It was written for the interactive fiction event in Munich that the culture collective called "department of volxvergnuegen" organized on May 7, 2011. At least parts of the game you're playing right now take place on said event, during which a workshop for writers took place, we screened GET LAMP by Jason Scott and people could play several interactive fiction games on a couple of terminals we provided. Ah yes, and we played the game you're playing right now collectively on the big screen, which was a lot of fun also, in spite of all its bugginess. But now to my apologies. This is by no means a good game, if we take polished and well thought-out games like, well, let's face it, every single game that did well in the past 16 years of the Interactive Fiction Competition and compare them to our game; it was written in just a couple of weeks by me and my friend Anonymeuss (thanks to the rest of the Nerd Kru for making this insane story up, you know who you are!), and neither of us had ever written a piece of interactive fiction before. It's a very railroaded game and probably still pretty buggy, the puzzles aren't too avant-garde and it features long deserts of text that make the opening of Oliver Ullmann's "The Duel That Spanned The Ages" look like a four-line poem. But we still think our crazy little story is pretty funny and we hope you'll give it a spin. If you head over to [LINK] ms/258.html, you can find some pictures from the event that could get you in the mood (or if you locate the pictures folder on the disc in your game package). Most of our crew were dressed the way they are described in the game, and Jason Scott played along nicely too. This leads us to our thank you-list: Thanks to the amazing Jason Scott, who made this wonderful movie, was absolutely hilarious on skype and said the silly things i asked him to say (apart from being generally awesome). Cheers! I cannot thank enough all the members of the volxvergnuegen team who made this day very special. From designing and preparing all those gorgeous visuals to selling the drinks: You were amazing, and this game is dedicated to you. Thanks to Michael Baltes, Oliver Ullmann, Marius Müller, Ingo Scharmann and Martin Barth for hosting the workshop and exterminating some of the worst bugs, see you soon! And last but not least: Thank YOU, dear player, for still reading this. I sincerely hope you can at least get a good laugh while playing our game. Comments, suggestions,bug reports, death threats are best sent to colin.djukic@googlemail.com. HAVE FUN. > About yourself As good-looking as ever. > Inventory You are carrying: some money some change for cigarettes a fartroid smartphone a tattered shoulder-bag (being worn and closed) an apple > You examine the money It's money. It stinks. > You examine the change Some change for buying cigarettes. > You look at the smartphone A Rottorola. The fartroid smartphone is currently switched off. > You look at the bag Your trusty old bag. Made of black nylon, it has several little holes and scratches. A button depicting a guy throwing a swastika into a rubbish bin is attached to its flap. > You open the bag You open the tattered shoulder-bag, revealing a red flyer. > You look at the flyer It's the flyer for last month's Volxvergnuegen event. A red foil which makes the underlying text readable. (Hint: If you haven't got one, you better get one!) It was some kind of text adventure event. Too bad you couldn't make it. > You examine the apple It's green. There's a sticker on the apple! You pull it off. > You look at the sticker It says: "I'm so green". > You examine the Electrowoman One of those bass-hungry females. At the moment, she's talking to Technodude. > You ask the Technodude about the flyer He just asks: "Hey, are you on facebook?" without waiting for your reply. > You ask the Electrowoman about the flyer She just asks: "Hey, are you on facebook?" without waiting for your reply. > You turn on the phone You switch the fartroid smartphone on. > You examine the phone A Rottorola.The device depicts the word "FARTROID" and boots up. You haven't installed any apps apart from the preinstalled Facebook app, but you have no clue how to activate the app. The fartroid smartphone is currently switched on. > You turn off the phone You switch the fartroid smartphone off. > Go north You really wanna smoke a cigarette before entering. If you remember correctly, there's a cigarette machine east of the club. > You go to the east You're standing east of the club, under the night sky. It's pretty quiet here. Steam rises from a grate in the pavement. You can go back to the front door by moving south. You can see a fag machine here. > You examine the machine Your standard fare cigarette machine. You put change in, and usually, cigarettes pop out. > You put the change in the machine The coins drop into the slot. After painfully proving that you are indeed old enough to smoke by sliding several ID and credit cards through a card reader and pressing your thumb onto some biometric device, a pack of your favorite brand of cigarettes lands on the pavement with a "thump". > You take the pack Fuck, you forgot to bring a lighter with you! Whatever. Perhaps you can find a lighter inside the club. Taken. > You examine grate Steam is rising up from the grate by the side of the road. You can't see much down there, but the smell is pretty strange. You never noticed this grate before. > You look at the pack Les Fleurs Du Mal, your favorite brand of death sticks. Every pack contains a poem by your personal Uber-Dandy, Charles Baudelaire! > You open the pack You open the pack of fags, revealing a folded poem and sixteen cigarettes. > You examine the poem The unfolded poem reads: Behold the sweet evening, friend of the criminal; It comes like an accomplice, stealthily; the sky Closes slowly like an immense alcove, And impatient man turns into a beast of prey. O evening, kind evening, desired by him Whose arms can say, without lying: "Today We labored!" - It is the evening that comforts Those minds that are consumed by a savage sorrow, The obstinate scholar whose head bends with fatigue And the bowed laborer who returns to his bed. Awaken sluggishly, like businessmen, And take flight, bumping against porch roofs and shutters. Among the gas flames worried by the wind Prostitution catches alight in the streets; Like an ant-hill she lets her workers out; Everywhere she blazes a secret path, Like an enemy who plans a surprise attack; She moves in the heart of the city of mire Like a worm that steals from Man what he eats. Here and there one hears food sizzle in the kitchens, The theaters yell, the orchestras moan; The gambling dens, where games of chance delight, Fill up with whores and cardsharps, their accomplices; The burglars, who know neither respite nor mercy, Are soon going to begin their work, they also, And quietly force open cash-boxes and doors To enjoy life awhile and dress their mistresses. Meditate, O my soul, in this solemn moment, And close your ears to this uproar; It is now that the pains of the sick grow sharper! Somber Night grabs them by the throat; they reach the end Of their destinies and go to the common pit; The hospitals are filled with their sighs. - More than one Will come no more to get his fragrant soup By the fireside, in the evening, with a loved one. However, most of them have never known The sweetness of a home, have never lived! - William Aggeler, The Flowers of Evil (Fresno, CA: Academy Library Guild, 1954) > You go south You are standing outside of the club. Basses are pumping. You can enter the building through a big green door to the north or go east around the corner to the side of the building. Above you is the night sky. You can see Technodude and Electrowoman here. > You ask the Technodude about lighter He just asks: "Hey, are you on facebook?" without waiting for your reply. > You listen Basses. Louder. Inane Chatter. > You examine table On the table here are a blue flyer and a card. > You examine the blue flyer It's the flyer for the next event. It says "Department of Volxvergnuegen präsentiert: Die besten Wiesn-Hits aus den 60ern, 70ern und überhaupt: Super-Gaudi!!!!!". This must be a joke. > You look at the card It just says 14,99. That's odd. Usually, the Volxvergnuegen parties only cost 4 bucks. > You take the blue flyer and the card blue flyer: Taken. card: Fabi grabs the card. "Hey, get your hands off the card, man!" > You examine Fabi He's always organizing stuff. Right now, he's charging the customers who want to enter the club. He is looking a bit off. His eyes are kind of blood-shot. Too much work and not enough sleep, you guess. > You examine the lale She's wearing yellow tights, short jeans and a yellow top. Her usual smile looks a little frozen, and her right cheek is marred by a bruise. You remember her as the girl that was jumping, singing, chewing her fingernails and drinking beer. At the same time. Now she's just standing there. You wonder what's wrong with her. > You look at the gothdude He's wearing some kind of trench coat. He's standing in the corner of this corridor like some crooked vulture, eyeing you with his dark-rimmed eyes. What a freak. > You ask Fabi about card He cuts you off: "Hey, you wanna come in or what?!" > You ask the lale about bruise She just stares at you. > You ask the gothdude about lighter Barely audible, he manages to spit out the following: "rrrrrya....Facebook?" He's obviously had too much to drink. > You buy the card Nothing is on sale. > You go north Lale pushes you away from the doorway. Fabi looks at you as if he was about to hit you. "You have to pay before you enter!", he says. > You give the money to Fabi You pay the ridiculous entrance fee to Fabi, who pockets the money. He gives you a ticket and just motions to the doorway to the north. What the fuck, you don't care. Let's roll! > You examine the ticket A ragged strip of paper torn from a roll. It says "BEZAHLT". > Go north This is the bar area of the club. As usual, it's VERY crowded in here. People are trying to get through to the counter on the west side of the room or the toilets to the north. The dance floor is east of here. The music is louder here. Sounds like minimal techno...but wait...like minimal techno with some very cheesy plastic disco samples on top...have the DJs lost their mind? Dan is behind the counter of the Bar, serving cocktails. You can also see Hipster and Style-O-Chick here. > You look at Dan He looks even more evil than usual. > You look at Bar A dimly lit counter. People are pushing each other in order to be served first. It seems they only serve one kind of drink tonight, as everybody drinks from a glass with the same deep orange color. Looks like...a Zombie? On the counter is a bowl of white jelly sweets. > You examine sweet Looks pretty disgusting, like something you might find in the trash can of an operation room. But the people seem to enjoy eating those lumps...perhaps you should give it a try? > You take sweet Reluctantly, you pop a jelly sweet into your mouth and cautiously start chewing on it. Not bad. Not bad at all! While you're munching away on the delicious gelatinous substance, from the corner of your eye you see Dan refilling the bowl. He's grabbing the lumps out of the skull of a dead body! It's that goth guy you saw in the entrance! You pause for a moment pondering whether you should get another one or not before spitting the brain tissue out of your mouth in a wide white arch. > You examine the Hipster A hipster wearing nerdy glasses and sporting only one arm... > You ask Hipster about lighter He grabs you with his remaining arm and screams in your ear: "Man, you gotta try facebook, it's the newest shit! All the groovy volxvergnuegen people are on there!" Great, this weirdo smeared blood over your shirt...why is he bleeding?! What's going on here? > You examine the Chick She's gorgeous...she's wearing a sexy see-through blouse that barely conceals anything...including several deep, still bleeding wounds...was there an accident? Nobody seems to notice anything... > You ask the Chick about lighter She whispers in your ear: "Meet me on facebook, honey..." Her breath is cold and smells like an open grave. > You go north A narrow and usually packed corridor with doors to the restroom for women to the east and the restroom to the west. To your confusion, only one pretty fucked up woman sits slumped into a heap in one corner. You can go back to the bar to the south. A door leads to the cellar below. > You examine the woman Her gray and faded hair covers most of her face. She's got a beer bottle in her lap, but it's definitely not beer she's drinking. > You look at the bottle The label is smeared with a sticky red substance…Jesus, this looks like blood! > You ask the woman about the blood With a voice from a Venom-song, she says "Check out Facebook. Best thing that's happened to me in ages!" > You go west Noone's in here, and I suggest you leave, too. The stench is almost unbearable. > Smell You're almost fainting from an overwhelming wave of ammonia. > Go east Not that you'd care about etiquette, you're just scared of female demons ripping your flesh.

[Themes: Horror, profanity] > Go downwards (first opening the cellar door) It seems to be locked. > You go to the south This is the bar area of the club. As usual, it's VERY crowded in here. People are trying to get through to the counter on the west side of the room or the toilets to the north. The dance floor is east of here. Dan is behind the counter of the Bar, serving cocktails. You can also see Hipster and Style-O-Chick here. > Go west Dan blocks your way. > You look at the speakers Huge speakers, pumping bass. > You look at the freak Who do you mean, Postman or Ugly Naked Freak? > You examine postman He's got one of those orange drinks in his hands. He's moving the glass towards his head and spills the beverage over his shoulder, uttering a satisfied grunt and repeats this strange sequence of actions ad nauseam (maybe an ex-alcoholic?). > You examine the orange drink One of those Zombies. > You look at naked One of his butt cheeks is semi-detached, swinging around in crazy movements as he dances his completely brainless dance. He's wearing a full beard. Drops of blood fall to the dance floor from his hairy chin. > You examine the woman As you approach her, she suddenly turns around, and you see that she's carrying a severed arm, biting huge chunks of flesh off the bone. Blood runs down her chin in gushes. She flashes you a demonic grin, exposing her rotten teeth. > You look at the arm A severed arm! > You ask woman about the arm She looks at you excitedly, ignoring your question: "I met him on Facebook! Really tasty!" > You ask naked about the butt You really should join the nudist group on Facebook. Free yourself from the oppression by the clothing industry! > You ask the Postman about the sombrero He stops spilling his drink and asks you "Do you know that new Facebook game, Breweryville? It's awesome! I produce ten gallons of Weißbier every minute! What's your high score?" > You go north It's a little quieter in here, although you can still feel the basses pumping. Behind a dirty wooden table sits a dubious-looking man with a beard and an eye-patch. His left hand is lying on the table, while his right hand is trying to jab a knife at the spaces between his fingers, failing miserably. He's constantly cutting his fingers, obviously not noticing his bruises. There's a colorful parrot sitting on his right shoulder. You can also see a small table (on which is a dinner jacket) here. The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You examine the pirate He's wearing a tricorn hat carrying a huge button that says "Ask me about Facebook". The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You look at the parrot You see nothing special about the parrot. The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You examine jacket An expensive looking dinner jacket the economy students of Munich like to wear. You can see a cartier lighter sticking out from one of its pockets. The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You take lighter Taken. The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You examine lighter The cartier lighter is currently switched off. The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You ask the pirate about Facebook "Facebook? Arrrr, a mighty damn fine social network it is, young fella. I surfed the seven seas of the interweb, and i know all about it." He grabs your fartroid smartphone. "Arrrr, a Rrrrrrottorrrrrrola. You don't seem to know how to operate your Facebook app, do ya? Lemme handle that." He plays around with your smartphone for a little while, leaving bloody fingerprints on the display. "Here ya go, landlubber! Now y'arr ready to set sail for the ultimate procrastination!" He gives you your phone back. The parrot bawks: "You bloody loser!", laughing at the pirate. > You go south The music is really intense here. Huge speakers pump loud basses into the stomachs of the crowd. The floor is filled with people. Weird people. A cloak room lies to the north. East of here is the DJ booth, guarded by groupies dancing in sync. Next to one of the gigantic speakers is a freak in a postman's uniform wearing a sombrero. In the middle of the dance floor is an ugly naked freak, dancing his butt off. Literally. A pony-tailed woman in an adidas training suit is standing in a corner with her face to the wall. > Go east With your smartphone ready for Facebook, the groupies let you through to the DJ booth. Phew! The DJ booth is pretty small and dirty. Behind the mixer, the DJ, ghood, is spinning this crazy music you hear. On CDs... > You look at the dj As you approach ghood, he notices you. "Hey, Kong! You're alive!" He looks at you, exhausted. "This is so fucked up man. We started the party as usual. But all of a sudden, a zombie entered the club, who knows from where, and started biting us. We fell, one by one. I'm the only one left alive! They let me live so i could spin these terrible records they gave me!" You ask him, "Who do you mean? Who?" "I don't know! They beat me! It was all fuzzy! A girl gave me this bag of CD-Rs and said that if i'd stop playing their music, the zombies would stop dancing and swarm out on the streets! If i stop playing this music, we're all doomed, Kong, do you understand?!" You nod, gravely. What's the purpose of all this? And what now? "You have to do something, Kong. I think all this horror comes from the basement, but you won't get there from the corridor, the door's locked. Maybe there's another way. You know, last month, we had this filmmaker, Jason Scott, on skype to talk about that text adventure movie he made, GET LAMP. And before he switched off, he said we should check out the beer cellar, that there was wisdom to be found there. What if he was right? Please, Dr. Kong, try to get through to the kitchen and see of you can find something there. Dan will not let you through, but if you ask him about bloody mary, he'll probably leave to find one. All his rotten brain can process is this zombie drink. And by the way, please bring me a beer while you're in the beer cellar. I'm so thirsty!" He looks you in the eye, yearningly, and starts spinning music again. A beep emanates from your smartphone. Looks like you received a Facebook message! You tap on the letter symbol and are faced with the following text from your old pal Mandy95: "Kong!!! Thank the fucking Baal you finally made it to Facebook! You wouldn't believe what happened to me! I was at that Volxvergnuegen event about text adventures. I just wanted to go to the toilet when I heard that weird black metal music coming from the basement. I opened the door leading to the practice rooms, went down a couple of steps and got hit on the head! When I woke up, I was here in this cell! They're taking my blood every day, although I never see anyone. I just hear this metal music from one of the practice rooms. Something very creepy is happening here, dude! I recently saw Rosemary's Baby, and I'm A+ sure there are some demon worshippers planning some sinister fuckup around here! You gotta help me, man! I don't know, you're always reading these science fiction books, do something, please!" You pause for a moment, terrified. This is not weird anymore, this is slowly staggering towards nightmare. You have to find a way to rescue your friend. There must be a way to get down to the basement. The door to the practice rooms seems blocked, but maybe you can get to a lower level from the kitchen? And what's wrong with all these people? They look like zombies! > You ask Dan about the bloody mary Dan disappears somewhere in the kitchen! Seems like ghood was right! > You go to the west The kitchen is a bloody mess. There's nothing to be found here. To the north is the beer cellar. > You turn on lighter You switch the cartier lighter on. A small room with empty shelves on all sides except to the south, where the room leads back to the kitchen. You can see a case of beer (in which is a bottle of beer) here. > You take the bottle Taken. > You examine the case The case of beer is empty. > You examine the beer (the bottle of beer) Augustiner. > You turn off lighter You switch the cartier lighter off. > Go east This is the bar area of the club. As usual, it's VERY crowded in here. People are trying to get through to the counter on the west side of the room or the toilets to the north. The dance floor is east of here. You can see Hipster and Style-O-Chick here. > Go east The DJ booth is pretty small and dirty. Behind the mixer, the DJ, ghood, is spinning this crazy music you hear. On CDs... > You give the bottle to the dj Ghood just says "Hey, thanks, I didn't think you'd return. You know, I'm just here to tell you to go to the beer cellar, dude." > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a cartier lighter a ticket a blue flyer a pack of fags (open) a folded poem sixteen cigarettes a sticker some money a fartroid smartphone a tattered shoulder-bag (being worn and open) a red flyer an apple > Dance You act like Sheik Yerbouti for some time. Yowzah! > Go south (first opening the big green door) The door closes behind you. You are standing outside of the club. Basses are pumping. You can enter the building through a big green door to the north or go east around the corner to the side of the building. Above you is the night sky. You can see Technodude and Electrowoman here. > You go to the east You're standing east of the club, under the night sky. It's pretty quiet here. Steam rises from a grate in the pavement. You can go back to the front door by moving south. You can see a fag machine here. > Light cigarette This dangerous act would achieve little. > Smoke cigarette You smoke a cigarette. > You turn on lighter You switch the cartier lighter on. A small room with empty shelves on all sides except to the south, where the room leads back to the kitchen. You can see a case of beer (empty) here. > You take the case You put the case of beer on the concrete floor. On the wall behind the shelf is some writing! > You examine the writing It says "xyzzy: magic word for time traveling" > Xyzzy You get all fuzzy and the room seems to circle around you; for a short moment, you are reminded of the last time you took LSD...when you feel normal again....you hear someone's voice from afar: "Thanks everybody for having me, it's been a pleasure. Colin asked me to give you all some advice for your lives, and all I can say is: Don't forget to ask about the banana; and check out the beer cellar. There's wisdom to be found there. Goodbye!" You open you eyes to see..... A small room with empty shelves on all sides except to the south, where the room leads back to the kitchen. You can see a case of beer (empty) here. > You go south Everything is neat and tidy here. You can see a CD here. > You look at the cd Best of Dieter Bohlen. Yuck! > You take it YOU DO NOT WANT THIS! > Go east It's pretty deserted here. You can hear voices from the dance floor. > Go east Rows of chairs are lined up in front of a projection screen . A video beamer is projecting a skype startup screen. Cool people are hanging out, chatting, laughing. The walls are covered in words scribbled on black paper. You can make out the words "GET LAMP", "WHAT IS A GRUE" and "OH BOY! ARE WE GONNA DO SOMETHING DANGEROUS NOW?". Paula is here. She is wearing a blue wig and black-and-white striped espandrillos. A guy who calls himself Anonymeuss is here. His eyes are hidden behind a black bar. You can also see Jana, Moritz, Robo and Lale here. > You look at Paula Her gray and faded hair covers most of her face. She's got a beer bottle in her lap, but it's definitely not beer she's drinking. > You examine Jana She's wearing dark lilac stockings that go up to her knees, blue puffy trousers and a black pullover. > You examine Moritz Blue-white striped shirt, and 3/4 length pants. Aye. > You examine Robo A small white robot with glowing red electronic eyes. He's walking around the room, flirting with the girls. > You examine Lale She's wearing yellow tights, short jeans and a yellow top. One her head is a crown. She's jumping, singing, chewing her fingernails and drinking beer. At the same time. She's funny. > Go north A couple of nerds are hunched in front of three laptops displaying only text. They seem very excited. Achim is here. He's wearing a grungy flannel shirt with a banana tucked into the front pocket. He's sporting a neon-yellow key chain that drops to his ankles without a key attached to it. A button that looks like a nipple is fixed to the left side of his shirt. You can also see Laptop #3, Laptop #2 and Laptop #1 here. > You examine banana It's a banana. > You ask the achim about the banana He grabs the banana, peels it and eats it in one go. As he does so, a key drops from his pocket to the floor! > You go east The DJ booth is locked during cultural events. > You go west It's pretty deserted here. You can hear voices from the dance floor. > You go north A narrow corridor with doors to the restroom for women to the east and the restroom to the west. A door leads to the cellar below. > You go west Noone's in here, and I suggest you leave, too. The stench is almost unbearable. > You unlock the door with the key You unlock the cellar door.

[Themes: Horror, profanity] > Go downwards (first opening the cellar door) You slowly and cautiously descend the steps that lead down to the cellar. With every step you take, your heartbeat accelerates and this unwordly music that was only a faint rumble on the ground floor is getting louder and more threatening. What evils will await you down there? Red light from a worn lamp on the southern wall sheds a bloody glow over this room. A pentagram has been drawn on the floor and candles have been placed wherever two lines meet. A rusty metal door is in the northern wall, with a keypad beside it. A gray door leads east. You can see a black poster here. > Examine poster You guess that this is some kind of band poster, but you cannot decipher the name on top of it. It's a logo consisting of oddly distorted and stretched white letters, overgrown with battle axes and thorny vines. Below the logo you can make out the writing "Bloody Fucking Pagan Ritual-Bortnathar's Revenge-Eastern European Tour 2010". This has to be the practice room of this fucked-up black metal band! > Go north Feeling like the little boy in The Shining, you step through the door... (first opening metal door) It seems to be locked. > You go east (first opening the gray door) Terrified, you decide to knock on the door. Instantly, the music stops and you hear footsteps approaching the door. You close your eyes and expect to get decapitated with a battle axe. "Oh hi! Come in! My name is Anton. Do you want some ginger tea?" You reopen your eyes. A smiling young man with frizzled hair is standing in front of you, beckoning you inside. Too puzzled to think, you step inside. There is fuzzy blue carpet everywhere. On the floor, on the walls, even on the ceiling. Three figures clothes in black are standing in a corner, gazing at their shoes. Anton, a hyperactive but very nice young man wearing a shirt brandishing the words "Nazi Industrial Fuck Off", is drinking some tea. You can also see pale metal guy, fat metal guy, tattooed metal guy and a black tape recorder (empty) here. "Now, how about that ginger tea?" Anton asks. > You examine the pale guy A guy with absurdly white skin dressed in black wearing a t-shirt with an undecipherable logo. He's staring at the floor. Anton asks you "Hey, do you want to know anything about this place? We've been here for quite some time, you know. Just ask!" > You ask Anton about the pentagram Anton says "Yeah, that's weird, huh? We have no idea who put that there. But it sure looks cool! Maybe those two crazy girls did it?" > You ask Anton about the ginger tea "Oh, fuck, I just saw we're out of ginger tea. Sorry." > You ask Anton about the girls "They're pretty fucked-up." Anton pauses to think for a moment. "Have you seen the Shining? They look like those two creepy girls. They rent the practice room north of the room with the pentagram. They never really talk to us. Just keep to themselves and their crazy pop music." > You ask Anton about the keypad "You wanna know the code of the girls" practice room? That's easy, the door's lock is programmed to use the digit sum of the actual date: Simply add up the digits of today and type in the resulting number. But I would rather not in go in there - not for one million liters of ginger tea! Really scary, these girls!"

> You look at your surroundings There is fuzzy blue carpet everywhere. On the floor, on the walls, even on the ceiling. Three figures clothes in black are standing in a corner, gazing at their shoes. Anton, a hyperactive but very nice young man wearing a shirt brandishing the words "Nazi Industrial Fuck Off", is drinking some tea. You can also see pale metal guy, fat metal guy, tattooed metal guy and a black tape recorder (empty) here. > You look at the recorder The black tape recorder is empty. > You ask Anton about the date Anton looks confused. "Today is Saturday, but the date... Sorry, dude, no idea. I think it's already May... But you might have a look on the flyers lying around here, they should tell you." Arthanprank the Skullbreaker chimes in: "Yeah, these guys here really have cool flyers - although they should work a little bit on their boring fonts. You should check out the Volxvergnuegen flyer, they have some event going on tonight - and you can find todays date on it. You can also find it on the Web, if you are too lazy to walk up again - and if have a Fartroid with you. Just go to [LINK] and search for their May flyer." > You go to the west (first opening the gray door) Red light from a worn lamp on the southern wall sheds a bloody glow over this room. A pentagram has been drawn on the floor and candles have been placed wherever two lines meet. A rusty metal door is in the northern wall, with a keypad beside it. A gray door leads east. You can see a black poster here. > Examine poster You guess that this is some kind of band poster, but you cannot decipher the name on top of it. It's a logo consisting of oddly distorted and stretched white letters, overgrown with battle axes and thorny vines. Below the logo you can make out the writing "Bloody Fucking Pagan Ritual-Bortnathar's Revenge-Eastern European Tour 2010". This has to be the practice room of this fucked-up black metal band! > You go to the south It's pretty quiet here. Nobody here. > You go to the south You open the big green door and step outside. Sitting on the pavement, with his back to the outer wall of Glockenbachwerkstatt is Okin Cznupolowsky, the world's best solo musician. He's emitting a very unpleasant smell. He looks out of his mind, babbling without any sense. "I mean, if I offended anyone, I'm sorry, but I was just trying to speak the truth about those faggot bitches, knowhaddimsayin? You know, I played this venue last Thursday, and businessmen freaked out over my music, my JAZZ, and drank schnapps, and now those lesbian faggot bitches throw me out of the club! I want to speak to the Geschäftsführer! Not to some bitch-ass woman!" You notice shit running down his pants and into his shoes and retreat back inside.

[Themes: Horror] > You go down Red light from a worn lamp on the southern wall sheds a bloody glow over this room. A pentagram has been drawn on the floor and candles have been placed wherever two lines meet. A rusty metal door is in the northern wall, with a keypad beside it. A gray door leads east. You can see a black poster here. > You type 16 on the keypad The metal door clicks open. > Go north This looks more like the room of a teenage girl than a practice room. The walls are plastered with posters of all the exchangable faces the casting shows produce. Apart from a karaoke machine and a pink tapedeck, there's no musical equipment here. You can see a desk and a wooden stand (on which is an old book) here. > You look at the tapedeck In the pink tapedeck is a pink tape. > You take the tape Taken. > You examine it It's pink with glittery pentagrams on it. You can read the words "Richwall Music" on it. > You examine the desk A school desk. It has a drawer. > You open the drawer You open the drawer, revealing a diary. > You look at the diary It's clad in a terrible pink hue. Some strange mouse-like monster is depicted on the cover. It says "Band-Tagebuch". > You examine the stand It's a finely engraved wooden stand. It's only purpose seems to be a supporter for the strange book that sits on top of it. On the wooden stand is an old book. > You examine the old book A very scary book. You can make out the name "NECRONOMICON" and a pentagram written in blood on a pretty smelly leather cover. Is this the book from the movie? The tail of a very ugly pink textile mouse is hanging out of the book, seemingly as a bookmark. > You read the diary You open the diary. It's written in an ancient, unholy and not translatable language. But strangely though, it appears to be written by a young girl with a heart full of butterflies and i-dots full of hearts. Why should a modern young girl with a light soul use such an ancient, heavy-weight and slow language? You don't know, but start reading anyway: Taken. (first taking the diary) You flip the pages randomly and arrive at page 8: You read: "Tag 8 In ein paar Stunden ist es soweit. Wir haben den Deckel jetzt mit einer Schnur an die Schachtel mit den Alraunenmaennchen festgebunden, weil sie dauernd rauskommen. Sie scheinen richtig wuetend zu sein, die Schachtel huepft immer hoch. Die Leute vom Volxvergnuegen bauen gerade auf und schauen aus wie lauter Nerds, aber man muss das genau rausfinden. Einen Fehler duerfen wir nicht machen! Sie werden einen Film zeigen und wir stellen uns beim Klo auf. Wenn wir jemand mit Pickeln sehen, schnappt die Falle zu! Pickelpinkeln macht Superstars! Ich bin schon voll aufgeregt und Vanessa sagt, dass sie gleich in die Hosen macht, hihi." Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: This day seems to be the day of the nerd event. The girls are waiting for their big kidnapping show (or in the toilet queue? Or for their pimples to disappear? It's hard to make any sense out of this.). > Continue You flip the pages randomly and arrive at page 1: You read: "Tag 1. Voll cool, wir schreiben jetzt Band-Tagebuch! Das ist der erste Eintrag. Vanessa meinte, dass unser Tagebuch dann in die Bravo kommt, wenn wir DSDS gewinnen. Aber da muessen wir uns richtig anstrengen. Die meisten da sind ja nur so Spacken und Hohlis. Die koennen gar nicht singen und schaun auch voll scheisse aus. Das Schwierige ist halt, da reinzukommen. Wenn wir erst drin sind, dann gewinnen wir! Das sagt Joerg auch und der ist voll cool. Der hat den Dieter (<3<3<3) schon mal getroffen, am Ballermann. Der Joerg verdient schon richtig Geld und fliegt jedes Jahr in Urlaub nach Malle.Voll cool! Und atzt da so richtig ab. Und da hat er den Dieter getroffen und mit ihm Sangria aus nem Eimer getrunken. Und der Joerg sagt, dass unsere Musik voll geil ist. Der hat im Urlaub auch den Juergen Drews kennengelernt, aber Vanessa und ich finden den doof. Wir haben jetzt auch nen eigenen Uebungsraum, voll im Zentrum. In der Glockenbachwerkstatt, da sind lauter Atzen und Hippies. Aber wir reden gar nicht mit denen. So Metaler ueben da auch, neben uns. Die sind voll doof, und die Musik ist soooo scheisse. Wir brauchen ganz viel Leute, die bei DSDS fuer uns stimmen. Das ist schwierig, weil uns keiner kennt. Die aus meiner Klasse stimmen natuerlich alle fuer uns, nur nicht die Karin und ihre Clique. Die Karin ist jetzt Emo und meint, dass sie voll cool ausschaut. Wir haben jetzt schon nen Namen, Postmodern Talking. Der Herr Reihertrog, der Deutschlehrer, hat uns den vorgeschlagen, weil wir den Dieter (<3<3<3) so toll finden. Und Modern Talking war die beste Band der Welt, bevor der bloede Thomas Anders sich so wichtig gemacht hat. Und seine Frau, die Nora! Der sieht voll schwul aus und ist jetzt sicher schon tot oder Friseur. Ich find den Namen auch gut, aber der die Franzi meinte, das waer doof, weil die Post nix taugt. Die geht bald pleite, sagt die Franzi, weil alle nur noch Emails schreiben und Facebooken. Uns ist das egal, stimmts, Vanessa? Die Vanessa hat gesagt, dass jetzt immer ich Tagebuch schreiben soll, weil ich so suesse Herzchen als i-Puenktchen mache. Aber jetzt muessen wir ueben, die Vanessa schaut total 80er aus, mit nem Zopf und so lila Socken." Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: It seems this German text is a diary written by young girls who have a band covering Modern Talking songs and who want to win a super talent show. They have their practice room in this house next to a black metal band - that's all what you can make out of this confused girly-girly talk. > You read the next page What do you want to read that in? > Diary You read: "Tag 2. Hurra! Wir sind bei der Abstimmung dabei. Gestern haben wir nen Brief bekommen, mit nem Foto von Dieter (<3<3<3), dass wir bei der Vorauswahl von DSDS dabei sind. Da sind nur Spacken, die da auftreten. Aber wenn die ihre Spackenfreunde mitbringen, dann gewinnen wir nicht, weil die in unserer Klasse uns nicht mehr moegen. Die sind jetzt alle voll Emo und finden uns doof. Nur die Frau Wurstbier sagt, dass wir weitermachen sollen, und dass man positiv denken soll. Und der Herr Reihertrog. Ich glaub, dass der in mich verliebt ist, der schaut mich immer so komisch an. Wenn ich den Dieter (<3<3<3) in echt sehe, dann falle ich glaube ich tot um. Wenn der mit mir sprechen wuerde, dann wuerde ich total rot werden. Ich find den total suess, wie der ausschaut, und wie der auch so voll fies sein kann. You are my heart, you are my soul, Dieter (<3<3<3)! Wenn der zu uns so fies waere, dann muesste ich weinen. Das waere mir egal, ob das im Fernsehen waere. Aber ist er sicher nicht, weil wenn der unsere Version von You are my heart, you are my soul hoert, dann flippt der sicher voll aus. Aber wir brauchen halt echte Fans, die fuer uns stimmen! Am 1. Sonntag im Juni ist die Abstimmung, dann sehe ich Dieter. (<3<3<3)" Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: It seems this page of the text says nothing meaningful at all. Lots of hearts though. > You read the next page in the diary You read: "Tag 3. Total geil, gestern war Fotoshooting. Der Fotograf war total cool, der hat uns mit so nem grossen BMW abgeholt, voll porno. Die Karin und ihre Clique habens genau gesehen, aber extra weggeguckt. Aber wenn wir dann mit den Fotos in der Bravo sind, dann koennen sie gar nicht weggucken. Der Fotograf hat auch gemeint, dass unsere Musik voll geil waere, und will mal mit mir zum Essen gehen. Die Vanessa hat gestern bei den Super- News so nen Bericht ueber ein Buch gesehen, dass alle gerade lesen. Das heisst Necronomicon, und sie hats gleich beim Weltbild gekauft. Ich finde so alte Buecher bloed, eigentlich les ich eh nie. Aber beim Weltbild gab es letztes Jahr das Superstars-Buch mit total suessen Fotos. Und naechstes Jahr sind unsere Fotos drinnen: Vanessa Nockenpfohl und Baby Beethoven sind Postmodern Talking - die heissesten Fotos der Superstars 2011! (Die Vanessa will keinen Kuenstlernamen, das find ich voll doof. Alle echten Kuenstler haben Kuenstlernamen!) In dem Necronomicon steht naemlich, wie man beruehmt wird. Da gibt's ein Kapitel, das heisst "Von denen Hirnfressern und wie man Macht gewuennet". Das ist total alt das Buch, so ganz komisch geschrieben. Aber da steht, wenn man eine Beschwoerung macht, dann kann man Zombies aufwecken. Und die tun dann, was man will. Die schauen aus wie Menschen, sind aber keine. Aber wenn wir die zur Abstimmung mitnehmen, dann stimmen die alle fuer uns und wir sind Gewinner bei DSDS. Heute ueben wir Cheri, Cheri Lady! Das ist sooooo toll!" Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: You have the impression these girls are daydreaming without pause. Apart from going on and on about becoming this years' super talents, they claim to have found an old magick tome, "The Necronomicon", which contains a chapter on how to conjure Zombies. > You read the next page in the diary You read: "Tag 4. Die Karin hat uns jetzt ne Idee gegeben! Wenn die wuesste, dass wir mit ihrer Idee DSDS gewinnen, dann wuerde die voll schwarz werden vor Wut. Aber die ist ja schon schwarz. Gestern in der Schule hatte sie das ganze Gesicht schwarz geschminkt, wie ein Neger. Die Karin hat gesagt, dass unter der Glockenbachwerkstatt ein total alter Indianerfriedhof ist. Die Mutter von der Karin ist naemlich mit Willy Michl und Pierre Briece befreundet, hat die Karin gesagt. Frueher hat die Karin auch immer die Winnetou-Bilder gesammelt. Die Mutter von der Karin findet den Style von der Karin auch voll scheisse. Die Karin schaut aus wie ne fette Koksnutte, sagt sie immer. Dabei ist die Mutter selber voll fett und man sieht immer die Speckfalten, die ihr der BH ins Fleisch schneidet. Ausserdem schauen Koksnutten anders aus, sagt der Joerg auch. Im Necronomicon steht naemlich, dass man die Beschwoerung auf nem Friedhof machen muss. Und jetzt haben wir den Friedhof, direkt unter dem Uebungsraum. Cheri, cheri Lady sitzt noch nicht so richtig, wir versingen uns immer. Am Samstag habe ich so nen Typen in der Disco kennengelernt, der meinte er waer der coolste. Mit Sonnenbrille, voll Porno. Der hat gesagt, er haette ne Plattenfirma, wo wir unsere CD machen koennen, und hat mir dabei immer auf den Hintern gehauen. Aber wenn wir bei den Superstars gewinnen, brauchen wir keine Plattenfirma, das macht dann der Dieter (<3<3<3) alles fuer uns. Ausserdem hatte der Sonnenbrillentyp Turnschuhe von Adidas an. Der lebt hinter dem Mond und denkt, dass er mich mit seiner Plattenfirma rumkriegen kann. Nichtmal die Karin hat Adidas-Turnschuhe! Ich hab dann noch ein bisschen geknutscht mit ihm, aber dann wollte er mir keinen Wodka-Bull mehr kaufen. Jetzt brauchen wir eine Jungfrau! Im Necronomicon steht, dass man bei der Beschwoerung eine nackte Jungfrau braucht. Aber das kann auch ein Mann sein. Also ein Jungmann, haha. Man muss die Jungfrau dann fesseln, auf den Ruecken auf den Boden legen, und den Mund voll mit Alraunen stopfen. Dann die Musik (voll geil, da war gleich son Downloadlink im Necronomicon! Haben wir gleich runtergeladen und auf die pinke Kassette gespielt.) und dann stehen die Zombies auf. Die Karin hat mir gesagt, wo Alraunen wachsen. Das kann ich hier aber nicht hinschreiben, hihihi. Schade, dass hier kein Galgen in der Naehe ist. Die Vanessa hat sich voll geekelt und gesagt, dass sie gleich kotzen muss." Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: The two girls want to cast a spell of The Necronomicon in order to summon Zombies (Willy Michl? Pierre Briece? It's all very confusing...), who would vote for the girls' band in the super talent contest. They need a virgin though... And mandragore. And special music, which they already put on the pink tape. > You read the next page in the diary You read: "Tag 5. In den Nachrichten steht, dass der Dieter (<3<3) jetzt verliebt ist. Vanessa und ich glauben das aber nicht. Es war ja auch kein Foto dabei. Und wenn der uns sieht... Wenn ich an den Dieter (<3<3<3) denke, dann kribbelts mir immer so, wie wenn man im Winter draussen pinkeln tut. Ich hab mal seinen Namen in den Schnee gepinkelt, aber dann hab ich mir auch auf die Schuhe gepinkelt. Der Joerg hat mich dann auch ins Krankenhaus begleitet, das war so eine Flatrate-Party. Da hab ich mich schon geschaemt nachher. Die Karin ist voll doof, aber die gibt uns immer total gute Infos. Sie hat jetzt Hausarrest, weil sie mit einer Sicherheitsnadel durch die Nase in die Schule gegangen ist. Ich musste ihr die Hausi bringen, hat der Herr Reihertrog gesagt. Bei ihr daheim ist es total ungemuetlich, ihr Zimmer ist ganz schwarz gestrichen, und auf dem Boden liegen ueberall Reissnaegel. Moebel hat sie gar keine, auch kein Bett, weil sie nie schlafen kann, sagt sie. Aber sie ist jetzt kein Emo mehr, sagt sie, sie macht jetzt beim Volxvergnuegen mit. Da sind total coole Leute, sagt sie, so Kuenstler und politisch, aber voll cool. Ich hab schon gedacht, sie sagt gar nichts Interessantes mehr, aber dann hat sie mir den Flyer von der naechsten Veranstaltung gezeigt. Der ist total doof, und ich haette gar nicht gecheckt, dass das ein Flyer ist. Sie hat gesagt, dass da so Computerspiele gezeigt werden, aber nur mit Text. Ich hab erstmal gar nichts gecheckt, weil Computerspiele nur mit Text, das ist doch wie nen Film auf Englisch anschauen. Also irgendwie langweilig. Aber sie hat gesagt, dass das den Leuten Spass macht, und da kommen lauter so picklige Nerds, das sind Leute, die noch nie Sex gehabt haetten, weil sie so schuechtern sind und immer nur Computerspiele machen. Ich hab zwar nix gecheckt, aber natuerlich gleich ans Necronomicon denken muessen, und die Karin gefragt, ob das wirklich stimmt, dass die noch nie Sex hatten. Ja, hat die Karin gesagt, das weiss sie genau, weil sie wahrscheinlich mit dem Chef vom Volxvergnuegen zusammen ist, und der ist voll cool und hat das auch gesagt. Der ist schon ueber 30 und total schlau, hat die Karin gesagt. Wieso sie wahrscheinlich mit dem zusammen ist, hab ich dann nicht mehr gefragt, weil die Karin dann ploetzlich hat weinen muessen und ich bin dann heimgegangen." Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: Boring stories about drunken girly misbehaviour. But these girls now seem to have a bright idea: At the next Volxvergnuegen event a lot of nerds will come, because it is an evening about text computer games. They are sure that they will find a virgin among the audience. > You read the next page in the diary You read: "Tag 6. Wir haben einen Plan. Genauer gesagt, zwei Plaene. Wir spielen naemlich Brother Louie, Louie auch noch. Das ist der eine Plan. Und ausserdem entfuehren wir einen pickligen Nerd. Wir haben schon ganz viele Alraunen gekauft, die gab es beim Lidl im Angebot. Wenn man nicht weiss, wo die wachsen, sind die gar nicht so eklig. Die Vanessa hat sich eine genommen und ganz lange angefasst. Ganz komisch geguckt hat sie dabei und gesagt, dass sie aussieht wie ein kleines Maennchen. Wie ein kleines nacktes Maennchen. Da haben wir total kichern muessen. Ich glaube, wir muessen aufhoeren mit dem Kichern, als Superstar geht das nicht mehr. Aber wenn sie dann auf den kleinen Alraunenpimmel gedrueckt hat, hab ich wieder kichern muessen. Die Alraunen sind jetzt in einer Schachtel bei mir im Zimmer, aber ich hab jetzt einen Deckel drauf gemacht. Weil ich so komische Traeume hatte, dass die kleinen nackten Alraunenmaennchen alle nachts in mein Bett gekrochen sind. Und die waren ganz kalt und rau und haben mit ihren fiepsigen Stimmchen Cheri, Cheri Lady gesungen. Vielleicht ist das ja ein gutes Vorzeichen, aber kuessen wollte ich die nicht, nicht mal im Traum. Uebermorgen ist das Nerd-Event, hat die Karin gesagt. Sie hat jetzt ihre Fingernaegel wegoperiern lassen und sagt, dass der Volxvergnuegenchef total suess ist. Naja, den koennen wir vergessen als Opfer. Wenn wir dann die Zombies haben, muessen wir nochmal eine Beschwoerung machen. Das haben wir am Anfang nicht gecheckt, aber jetzt haben wir das Kapitel nochmal gelesen. Man muss die Zombies trainieren, wie im Fitness-Studio. Die muessen bei einer Beschwoerung alle unsere Lieder hoeren. Aber wo bekommen wir so viele Zombies her? Heute war ein Foto von Dieters (<3) Freundin in den Nachrichten, aber die hat total schiefe Zaehne. Ich glaube nicht, dass der Dieter (<3) die lieben tut. Wenn der mit mir im Studio ist, ganz allein...Aber ich darf jetzt nicht traeumen!" Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: The girls bought mandragore - looking like little naked men. They need it for the magick spell to summon Zombies. And they will kidnap one of the nerds visiting the next event - because they need a virgin for the spell. Something about Dieter's girlfriend's teeth and hearts sums up this day's diary entry. > You read the next page in the diary You read: "Tag 7. Jeden Tag ein neuer Plan. Und ein neuer Traum, pfuiteufel. In dieser Nacht haben die Alraunenmaennchen ein Zirkuskunstueck gemacht, sie haben sich zu einem Turm augfestellt, eins auf das andere. Aber der Turm war eigentlich ein Galgen und an dem hing Karins Mutter. Sie hat dann ganz komisch gezuckt und aus ihrem Mund ist Schaum gekommen. Am Morgen habe ich den Schaum ganz schnell aufgewischt, bevor Mama ihn sehen konnte. Die Schachtel mit den Alraunenmaennchen habe ich heute in den Uebungsraum gebracht, sie hat die ganze Zeit in meinen Haenden so komisch gezuckt. Ich glaube, dass die echt lebendig sind, und auch Vanessa wollte die gar nicht mehr anfassen. Der Plan ist, dass wir ne Party machen. Aber viel cooler! Die Karin sagt, dass beim Volxvergnuegen auch Parties sind, und dass da die Nerds immer alles aufbauen und abbauen. Und nichtmal Geld dabei verdienen, sagt die Karin. Die Karin hat sich jetzt so komische Loecher in die Backen geschnitten, da blaest sie immer den Zigarrenrauch raus, das schaut total komisch aus. Und wenn sie lacht, dann tut es immer bluten, aber sie lacht ja nie. Genau, die Nerds bauen die Party auf, und wir spielen dann die Musik. Die Karin hat gesagt, dass das geht, weil der Chef vom Volxvergnuegen voll nett ist. Wenn ein Zombie einen Menschen beisst und sein Gehirn frisst, dann wird der Mensch auch ein Zombie, hat die Vanessa im Necronomicon gelesen. Wir machen aus dem Nerd, den wir morgen entfuehren, einen Zombie und halten ihn im Keller gefangen. Er kriegt immer unsere Musik und muss nackt in der Zelle sitzen. Die Vanessa hat schon Chloroform gekauft und die Alraunenmaennchen zischen die ganze Zeit, waehrend ich das schreibe. Vorhin hat die Vanessa den Deckel von der Schachtel aufgemacht und wir haben voll kichern muessen, weil die Alraunenmaennchen total erregt waren. Aber irgendwie ist das auch unheimlich. In einem Monat ist die Party, und dann lassen wir den Zombie raus. Er beisst die Leute und alle werden Zombies, und dann haben wir unseren Auftritt, der eigentlich eine Beschwoerung ist. Und am Tag danach ist die Abstimmung von DSDS! Und dann stimmen alle Zombies fuer uns, und der Dieter (<3<3<3) wird seine Freundin verlassen. Ich hab mir schon ein neues Parfum beim Kick gekauft, das schaut voll Porno aus, so mit so nem Mann und so ner Frau drauf, die es gerade machen. Aber in schwarzweiss, nicht so billig." Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: The mandragore men seem to be invading the girls' dreams in a more unpleasant way. A girl named Karin has cut holes in her cheeks, because she loves the boss of Volxvergnuegen (or because she wants to smoke through her cheeks). The plan is to kidnap a nerd, use him as a virgin for the spell to create a Zombie, who will then one month later infect party guests. They, being now Zombies themselves, will vote for the girls in the super talent show. Sounds pretty plausible. > You read the next page in the diary You read: "Tag 8 In ein paar Stunden ist es soweit. Wir haben den Deckel jetzt mit einer Schnur an die Schachtel mit den Alraunenmaennchen festgebunden, weil sie dauernd rauskommen. Sie scheinen richtig wuetend zu sein, die Schachtel huepft immer hoch. Die Leute vom Volxvergnuegen bauen gerade auf und schauen aus wie lauter Nerds, aber man muss das genau rausfinden. Einen Fehler duerfen wir nicht machen! Sie werden einen Film zeigen und wir stellen uns beim Klo auf. Wenn wir jemand mit Pickeln sehen, schnappt die Falle zu! Pickelpinkeln macht Superstars! Ich bin schon voll aufgeregt und Vanessa sagt, dass sie gleich in die Hosen macht, hihi." Congratulations to your patience in enduring this strange character sequence to the end. This is what you make out it could mean in a civilized language: This day seems to be the day of the nerd event. The girls are waiting for their big kidnapping show (or in the toilet queue? Or for their pimples to disappear? It's hard to make any sense out of this.). > You read the next page in the diary There are only eight pages in the diary, the rest is blank. > You examine the old book A very scary book. You can make out the name "NECRONOMICON" and a pentagram written in blood on a pretty smelly leather cover. Is this the book from the movie? The tail of a very ugly pink textile mouse is hanging out of the book, seemingly as a bookmark. > You open the old book Some otherwordly power is keeping it shut. Tough luck. > You take the tail It won't budge. And you don't want it. > Go south Through the gray door, you hear muffled voices arguing. As it seems, the black metal band wanted to record a demo tape this evening, but Arthanprank The Skullbreaker, one of the black metal dudes, forgot to bring a tape. He's defending himself: "Look guys, I really wanted to bring the tape, but I forgot my little sister's birthday, so I recorded her a tape from this new black metal band, Princess Lilyfist...I'm really sorry." Red light from a worn lamp on the southern wall sheds a bloody glow over this room. A pentagram has been drawn on the floor and candles have been placed wherever two lines meet. A rusty metal door is in the northern wall, with a keypad beside it. A gray door leads east. You can see a black poster here. > You go east There is fuzzy blue carpet everywhere. On the floor, on the walls, even on the ceiling. Three figures clothes in black are standing in a corner, gazing at their shoes. Anton, a hyperactive but very nice young man wearing a shirt brandishing the words "Nazi Industrial Fuck Off", is drinking some tea. You can also see pale metal guy, fat metal guy, tattooed metal guy and a black tape recorder (empty) here. Slowly, your brain starts to work. Are you really the famous Dr. Kong, known all over the world for his brilliant wit and unrivalled intelligence, or are you just some dumb text adventure geek sitting in front of a computer terminal? Anyhow, your brain came to the following conclusion: Those crazy girls have their ritual music on a pink tape. If you'd manage to record some other music on that tape, the ritual must fail! That's it! > You put the pink tape in the recorder You put the pink tape into the black tape recorder. > You turn on the recorder That's not something you can switch. Anton asks you "Hey, do you want to know anything about this place? We've been here for quite some time, you know. Just ask!" > You take pink tape Taken. > You give it to Anton Just put it in the recorder and ask Anton about it. And no funny stuff with the recorder! > You ask Anton about the tape You tell the guys that you found a tape. "Wow!", says Anton, "Now we can record our demo! Awesome!" Immediately, the band members grab their instruments and start recording a song, from start to finish, first take. At least that's what they say when you come back to the practice room, it was just too loud. You take the tape and promise to make a copy for the band. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a pink tape a diary a cellar key a cartier lighter (providing light) a ticket a pack of fags (open) a folded poem sixteen cigarettes a sticker some money a fartroid smartphone a tattered shoulder-bag (being worn and open) a red flyer an apple > Go west You freeze in your steps. Two scary looking girls dressed in glittery pink stand before you, their eyes bloodshot and evil. "Thank you for returning that tape, bitch!", the one with the braids and the purple socks says. She must be Vanessa. She takes the pink tape out of your hands and feeds it into the tapedeck the girls have brought here for the occasion. All the candles are lit. The other girl hits you with a karaoke microphone and you stumble to the floor. "The time has finally come," Vanessa shouts, "for us to complete the ritual and win DSDS!" The other girl removes a huge board from the eastern wall, revealing a black iron door with bars! She unlocks the door with a rusty key, opens it, and out stumbles your internet friend, mandy95, completely naked, looking miserable. Why didn't you see this?!? You could have freed him! The two girls throw him to the floor, tie him up with pink ribbons and feed him with mandrake roots. You feel paralyzed from the stench emanating from those disgusting roots. You just hope your trick with the black metal music will work, otherwise all is lost. Now Jennifer takes the Necronomicon, says "Zicke Zacke Hühnerkacke", and the evil book opens. She reads some sinister sounding ritualistic poems you don't really understand. All you can discern is "Azatoth Cznupolowski, gulli gulli ramsamsam", which makes the red lamp explode. Only the ritual candles give off light now, light and putrid smoke. "And now...the music!", Vanessa says, almost chanting, handing the tape over to her accomplice, who puts it into the tapedeck. You close your eyes. And clench your fists. As the play button on the tapedeck is pressed, hordes of completely braindead nordic emperors invade your ear canals! You hear a hoarse voice screaming "Blashyrk Mighty Ravendark!", and as the nordic riders charge forward to enter the burning castle, the music stops. you open your eyes again... The two girls lie on the floor unconscious. You shake them, and they slowly open their eyes, but they cannot remeber what has just happened. As you untie your friend and remove the roots from his mouth, he whispers, "Kong...you did it...you have defeated the Diddl Girls...the world is saved..." he stands up, picks up the rusty key from the floor and hands it to you. "But Kong, it's not over yet...You see...if i don't stay locked up in this cellar room for another month, i will not be able to send you that facebook message you received, and you will not be able to travel back in time to save me! So you have to lock me in again...no, Kong, don't look at me that way, you know I'm right. Don't worry about me, i have enough mandrake roots to feed on." He enters his cell.Reluctantly, you close the door and lock it. "Goodbye, Kong, we will meet again", mandy95 says, and you wave him goodbye as you cast xyzzy again, which by miraculous ways seems to be working again, and through a maelstrom of lights and smells, are carried back into the future. And now you're back at the party. In the bar. It's 3 am, everybody is having a good time. The music is great, ghood really rocks the crowd. You meet Fabi, who's looking remarkably good, arm in arm with a girl called Karin, although she has no arms anymore, she's had them removed as the ultimate body modification. They both seem very happy. You're dancing all through the night, and when the sun rises, you decide it's time to call it a day. You grab a fortune cookie from the bar counter, wave back at Dan, and step outside in the gentle morning sun. You unpack the fortune cookie and eat it. Yes, Dr. Kong, you've done it again. Saved the world from the impending demise AND had a terrific time. But wait.... What's written on the strip of paper from the fortune cookie? "Help! I'm locked in a fortune cookie factory! Help me, Dr. Kong!" It's signed by mandy95. That guy is just looking for trouble. Well, it looks like there's a new job for Dr. Kong, hipster, trickster, private eye. But not before you get some sleep. TO BE CONTINUED... > You check your inventory You are carrying: a cartier lighter (providing light) a ticket a blue flyer a pack of fags (open) a folded poem sixteen cigarettes a sticker some money a fartroid smartphone a tattered shoulder-bag (being worn and open) a red flyer an apple > Xyzzy Hm...it doesn't seem to work...yet.... > You go to the north A small room with empty shelves on all sides except to the south, where the room leads back to the kitchen. You can see a case of beer (empty) here.

[Themes: Humor] What is your last name? > Mudd "Good evening, Agent Mudd. Thank you for getting here so quickly..." He glances at your tuxedo. "...and you're already dressed for the part I need you to play this evening." "Oh? I was on my way to a party, this being New Year's Eve. But I'd rather be working, to be honest - while I'm a fan of the mayor and his wife, I'm not overly fond of going stag to New Year's Eve parties. What's the job this evening?" you ask, picking a piece of lint from your otherwise black trousers. Special Agent Buxton smiles amicably at you. "Well, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Mudd, but I'm afraid that's precisely where this evening's assignment takes you..." Another rather silly SpeedIF by Jacqueline A. Lott Beneath a flickering street light, 5th and Main Times have been hard in the spying business as of late, and the effects of budget cuts are hard and far-reaching: even Special Agent Buxton is reduced to meeting spies on dark street corners to hand out assignments. Agent Buxton stands here, waiting to answer your questions. > You ask Buxton about the assignment "Tell me about the job," you inquire. "Yes, let's get down to business, shall we? This evening's job is a bit bizarre, even by our standards. We have some very reliable intelligence that..." He pauses, as if he's not quite comfortable with the part that comes next. "...that Adolf Hitler's scientists perfected a time machine and he plans to crash the mayor's party this evening. For what reason, we are unsure, but you must stop him at all costs." He lowers his voice and says, "All. Costs. Got me? You have a license to kill this evening, Mudd." With a smug look, Buxton produces a tiny box, which he gives to you. "Inside this is a mouse. But not just any mouse, mind you - it's an infected mouse. > You ask Buxton about the mouse He says, "Inside this box is a mouse. But not just any mouse, mind you - it's an infected mouse." > You ask Buxton about Hitler He says, "What do you mean, you don't know who Hitler was? Everyone knows who Hitler was. Didn't you have to take some sort of test before you got into Spy School? I weep for the future of our industry! Let is suffice to say that he must die, and that you are the man who will make it happen." > You ask Buxton about the mayor He says, "He's not all that bad, as you know. More importantly, he's valuable to this administration. You must protect him." > You ask Buxton about the backpay There's a pause, then he says, "I don't have time for idle banter, Mudd." "Look, you have the mouse and I've already explained the assignment - infect Hitler. I don't care how... just make sure that Hitler somehow comes in contact with the mouse's blood, feces, or saliva. "TAXI!" he hails a cab. You get in and direct the cabby to the mayor's house..." > You ask Buxton about the infection Or are you just here to funnel some more cash into your Swiss bank account? Much as you hate to admit it, there's probably a lot of truth in the latter statement. You can see a table (on which are some egg nog and some hors d'oeuvres) here. > You look at nog This coagulated mess of cream is popular for whatever reason around the holidays. This coagulated mess of cream is popular for whatever reason around the holidays. > You take the nog You'd really rather not. You like the fact that your heart beats and your BMI is within normal range. > You examine the hors The hors d'oeuvres on hand this evening are a variety of finger sandwiches in countless varieties, all scrumptious-looking. > You take it You already have that. > You take the nog You'd really rather not. You like the fact that your heart beats and your BMI is within normal range. A horribly snooty woman makes a move for the egg nog, but you block it with your body and chew your fried red panda sandwich in a very diligent, turtle-like manner, which repulses the would-be egg nog consumer. "Dreadfully sorry," you say through a mouth full of delicious finger food. "I've got this New Year's resolution to slowly masticate all sandwiches, and I'm starting early. > You examine Hitler His dramatic entrance in the golf cart time machine aroused only temporary attentiveness in the guests. Despite his antiquated dress and ridiculous moustache, he was unable to hold their attention, and after their full fifteen-second attention span had been consumed, they went back to prattling on about their inane existances. A vapid man makes a move for the egg nog, but you block it with your body and chew your minced Riverine rabbit sandwich in a very pensive, cow-like manner, which repulses the would-be egg nog consumer. "Dreadfully sorry," you say through a mouth full of delicious finger food. "I've got this New Year's resolution to slowly masticate all sandwiches, and I'm very committed. > You give the egg nog to Hitler (first taking the egg nog) You'd really rather not. You like the fact that your heart beats and your BMI is within normal range. A horribly snooty woman makes a move for the egg nog, but you block it with your body and chew your long-baked beaked echidna sandwich in a very meditative, sloth-like manner, which repulses the would-be egg nog consumer. "Dreadfully sorry," you say through a mouth full of delicious finger food. "I've got this New Year's resolution to slowly masticate all sandwiches, and I'm starting early. Hitler then siddles up to the egg nog bowl, but you make no move to stop him. In fact, you offer him a cup. "Mein Führer," you say, as you hand him the cup - possibly laying it on a bit thick, but a smile touches Hitler's lips, he nods to you, and he accepts your offer of the cup. He pours himself a helping of the thick, viscous, gelatinous (and deadly) goo. "Prosit Neujahr," he says, amicably, before downing the goopy, mucilaginous, glutinous (and deadly) glop." You watch Hitler carefully, and begin to count to yourself to see how long this is going to take. The average incubation time for hantavirus, the most common mouse-borne virus that springs to mind, is two to four weeks in humans. You know this from both your extensive spy training as well as your obsessive reading of Wikipedia. Two to four weeks?! Let's hope it ain't hantivirus, hm? > Wait Time passes. "Blech!" Hitler spits up some blood into his egg nog glass, the falls to a heap on the floor. That's what you were hoping for, deep down inside - fast acting Ebolavirus. Except - oh noes! It's so very infectious that soon you'll be infected, as well as all the guests. So much for collateral damage... What are you to do?! > You take Hitler I don't suppose Adolf Hitler would care for that. The revelers are freaked out. How will you save them? > You enter the cart There are so many reasons to not enter that contraption. First, you haven't the slightest idea how to drive the thing, through space or time. Secondly, who wants to be seen in a golf cart? I mean... really now. The party-goers are crazy with fear. How will you aid them?

[Themes: Humor] > Describe the surroundings You look around, trying to plan how you want this to go down in the (probably unlikely) event that Hitler actually makes an appearance. You can picture a couple of different scenarios. You could put the mice amongst the hors d'oeuvres and egg nog, but then you run the risk of infecting others. You'd like to avoid any collateral damage, however, so unless you can think of a way to keep people away from the hors d'oeuvres table, your best bet might just be to make the mouse bite him. How to do that - especially without getting bit in the process - is something you have yet to figure out. Perhaps you can put the mouse down the front of his trousers or something. Hitler lies dead in a heap on the floor. You can also see a golf cart and a table (on which are some egg nog) here. The revelers are scared. How will you save them? > You examine cart This is one tripped out golf cart. Swanky and benoodled, it must be the time machine of which Buxton spoke. The party-goers are insane with fright. How will you aid them? > You enter the cart There are so many reasons to not enter that contraption. First, you haven't the slightest idea how to drive the thing, through space or time. Secondly, who wants to be seen in a golf cart? I mean... really now. The merrymakers are frightened. How will you cure them? > Inventory You are carrying: some hors d'oeuvres a box (open) an antidote a tuxedo (being worn) The frolickers are scared. How will you save them? > You eat hitler (first taking Adolf Hitler) I don't suppose Adolf Hitler would care for that. The partiers are crazy with fear. How will you rescue them? > You examine the antidote You can only hope that the vial you've found in the box given to you by Buxton contains an antidote. The merrymakers are freaked out. How will you cure them? > You put the antidote in the hors You need to be holding the antidote before you can put it into something else. The partiers are freaking the hell out. How will you rescue them? > You take the antidote You remove the antidote from the box and divide it equally among the party attendees and yourself. Everyone hurriedly downs the strange liquid, willing to gamble on its effectiveness after witnessing the quick and grueseome demise of the man with the silly moustache... ...and it's a gamble that pays off! Everyone lives until midnight, and you needn't have worried about attending the party all by yourself, because there are lots of lovely ladies in line for a kiss at midnight. > Wait Time passes. The merrymakers are insane with fright. How will you save them? Time passes. The partiers are afeared. How will you aid them? Time passes. The revelers are crazy with fear. How will you save them? Time passes. The partiers are freaked out. How will you aid them? Time passes. The merrymakers are ascared. How will you cure them?

[Themes: Fantasy, female protagonist] Gymnasium at St. Catherine's (in the wheelchair) St. Catherine's has an excellent gymnasium for its female students, but of course it's of little use to you. The only reason you're here is because your friend Amy practically begged you to come with her. You can see some female gymnasts here. [Author's Note: Neither the girl in the wheelchair nor the angel pendant she wears are quite what they seem to be.]

[Themes: Fantasy] > About yourself You're a girl in a wheelchair feeling sorry for herself. So what else is new? > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a Toys R Us bag (which is closed) an angel pendant (being worn) > You examine the pendant It's a white angel pendant made of alabaster. At least, you think it's alabaster. You're not sure where you got it from, come to think of it. It's pretty, though, and you've always worn it. > You remove the pendant You try to remove the angel... uhhh... Your head hurts. You wanted to do something, but what? > You open the bag You open the Toys R Us bag, revealing four lead-painted metal bits (a jagged white bit, a long red hooked bit, a shiny triangular bit and a small green circular bit). > You look at the gymnasts There's several women here, including Amy, out practicing for a professional gymnastic competition in Hamburg next Spring. Looking at them fills your mind with envy and self-pity. You cannot join them, and you never will. Such emotions, you upbraid yourself, only illustrate the darkness intrinsic to the human soul. You turn away. > You examine amy Look at her. She's so graceful on the parallel bars. You could never do that. You can't see why she insisted you accompany her here. Well, okay. It was the decent thing to do. But she's obviously over her performance anxiety, and she's not paying any attention to you. She's too busy working with the rest of the girls. > You look at the red Kinda like a pole, with a hook at the end. > You examine the white (the angel pendant) It's a white angel pendant made of alabaster. At least, you think it's alabaster. You're not sure where you got it from, come to think of it. It's pretty, though, and you've always worn it. > You examine the jagged white Ick. Looks dangerous. Someone could cut themselves with that. > You examine triangular "Is this a dagger I see before me?" Naaah. > You look at the green This bit's rather like a coin. Except it's painted green and doesn't have a queen on it, or E Pluribus Uranium, or whatever coins are supposed to have on them. > You leave You'll have to say which compass direction to go in. > You get up No. Not here. What would be the point? > You examine the wheelchair Your wheelchair. You hate it. But it takes you where you need to go, so you're stuck with it. > Pray You're not Catholic, or even Christian. You'd hardly know what to say. > You examine the bag Amy asked you to hold onto her bag for her. What she needed it for, you can't imagine. Amy always was a little weird. Maybe that's why she's your friend. When you're around, she probably seems almost normal by comparison. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You drop the bag Dropped. > You examine amy Look at her. She's so graceful on the parallel bars. You could never do that. You can't see why she insisted you accompany her here. Well, okay. It was the decent thing to do. But she's obviously over her performance anxiety, and she's not paying any attention to you. She's too busy working with the rest of the girls. > You take the bag Taken. > About yourself You're a girl in a wheelchair feeling sorry for herself. So what else is new? > You look in the bag In the Toys R Us bag are four lead-painted metal bits (a jagged white bit, a long red hooked bit, a shiny triangular bit and a small green circular bit). > You examine the chair Your wheelchair. You hate it. But it takes you where you need to go, so you're stuck with it. > You cut the angel with jagged (first taking the jagged white bit) Cutting that up would achieve little. > You cut yourself with the jagged Cutting you up would achieve little.

[Themes: Fantasy] > Look around Gymnasium at St. Catherine's (in the wheelchair) St. Catherine's has an excellent gymnasium for its female students, but of course it's of little use to you. The only reason you're here is because your friend Amy practically begged you to come with her. You can see some female gymnasts here. > Go east First Floor Hallway (North End) (in the wheelchair) The hallway outside the gym is nothing special. Some trophies. The Christian cross. An aquarium of fish. The hallway continues south, the gym is west, the chapel east, and the exit to the street is to the north. > You examine the fish You watch the fish swim about for awhile, and you feel the darkness in your soul ebb. These simple fish comfort you. Why? > Go east You peek into the chapel, but the nuns are preparing for some sort of ceremony. A funeral, maybe. Or perhaps just a normal prayer service. You don't know why you're so gloomy today. > You go to the north No. You can't leave without Amy. You promised. > Go south First Floor Hallway (South End) (in the wheelchair) The south end of the hallway is even less interesting than the north end, except for a sewer grating in the floor. You can see a sewer grating here. > You examine the grating A sewer grating in the floor. You hear something down there, something alive? Something or someone trapped? The grating is closed. > You look in the bag In the Toys R Us bag are three lead-painted metal bits (a long red hooked bit, a shiny triangular bit and a small green circular bit). > You take the red Taken. > You open the grating Using the long hooked bit, you manage to pry open the grating. > You get up You get out of the wheelchair. First Floor Hallway (South End) The south end of the hallway is even less interesting than the north end, except for a sewer grating in the floor. You can see a wheelchair (which is empty) and a sewer grating here.

[Themes: Fantasy, female protagonist] > Go downward Heedless of the risk, you push yourself into the hole, and fall... You're in the sewer. It's dark and gloomy and smelly. But it's also cool and wet, which you don't mind so much. The hole you fell through is high above you, and the sewer extends east. > Go east You crawl, fall, further down the sewer. The water is deeper here; you can swim. But an alligator blocks further passage east. You can see an alligator here. > You look at the alligator The alligator seems a friendly sort. It grins at you with sharp, sharp teeth. You feel you can trust it. Maybe even love it. But it blocks your way east. > You hug the alligator You give the alligator a kiss, and he snaps at you!! No! At your angel pendant! He crushes it into powder and... A miracle! Your broken legs become a fish's tail, and you... you are a mermaid! How? How did this happen? Who put this curse on you? And oh! Your father and mother? How long have they missed you and thought you dead?

[Themes: Fantasy] > Look around The water is deeper here; you can swim. But an alligator blocks further passage east. You can see an alligator here. > Go east You swim past the alligator joyfully, and swim, swim, SWIM out through the sewers, out of mankind's waterways in into the ocean... * * * You swim to an underwater palace, where you find your father, the Merfolk King. He looks at you, unbelieving his eyes, then rushes to embrace you. When the initial shock has worn off, he takes a more critical look at you and says, "Where hast thou been, my child? Thy gills are as unclean as a lobster's arse." You laugh, and hug him again.