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ToastyPigeon

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> Look around Rows of seats that are spaced the way economy seats used to be spaced about five years ago. It is enough to make the gullible mortals feel superior to those in economy, while still stripping them subtly of their humanity. It is your favorite section of the plane. Northward, a narrow, staircase spirals toward to the first class section. Just above the business class is the bulkhead that leads to the cockpit. Over in seat 31A, a schoolmarm-ish woman is too exhausted to make a sound. You can also see a staircase and an open bulkhead here. > Up A cone-shaped room bristling with those blinking lights and other technical knick-knacks that mortals consider fancy. You notice immediately that there isn't anyone in cockpit -- no pilot, no copilot, no navigator or engineer. Ironically, you realize that you are the most senior member of the crew, and you're not even a real stewardess. You can see an open bulkhead here.

[Themes: Fantasy, humor] > Go downward Rows of seats that are spaced the way economy seats used to be spaced about five years ago. It is enough to make the gullible mortals feel superior to those in economy, while still stripping them subtly of their humanity. It is your favorite section of the plane. Northward, a narrow, staircase spirals toward to the first class section. Just above the business class is the bulkhead that leads to the cockpit. Over in seat 31A, a schoolmarm-ish woman is too exhausted to make a sound. You can also see an open bulkhead and a staircase here. > You go north As you climb sideways into the First Class cabin, you are not surprised by the sight of its sole occupant: an unusually tall man in flamboyant chartreuse robes. He stands paradoxically upright despite the steep tilt of the deck. With an effortless wave of one hand, he dispels an attacking Arch Grue. Stunned by the realization that you are mere feet from High Wizard Steve Meretzky (on a carnivorous lobster-infested sinking plane), you are momentarily speechless. > You talk to Meretzky The great wizard pauses a moment from smiting the lobsters near his ankles and takes notice of you for the first time. Fixed in his intense gaze, you stutter, "High Wizard Meretzky, your honor," your voice slips up an octave, and you hope you don't come across as too much of a fangirl. You make an effort to slow down and appear dignified, "I was sent by the Republic to see that you reach the Summit safely." Meretzky appears amused, "Yeah? And how's that going?" He deftly flicks his wand and the giant lobster that was sneaking up on you disappears in a puff of smoke. Becoming more serious, he explains, "I'm afraid we're surrounded by an antimagic shell. Not even I am powerful enough to penetrate it. Our only hope is to get a message out to the Republic... You lead, I'll take up the rear. You can never be too careful with grues and lobsters, you know." > Go south The High Wizard follows you silently. > Up You burst into the cockpit, and Steve follows close behind you, laying down some magical suppressing fire with his wand. Shards of chitin fly through the air. You scan the control panel for anything that looks like a radio, but you are just not familiar with mortal technology. Steve sees your confusion and reaches over to a side panel, flipping a switch marked "IF Filter". There is a burst of static. The High Wizard points to the panel and says, "It should work now. Press the orange button to transmit. It won't help though," he remarks with a sigh, "it would take incredible power to penetrate the magical barrier around this plane. I'm sorry to say that beings that powerful have not existed since the Early Times. Not to put a damper on things, but -- we're doomed." With a hint of resignation, he adds, "well, at least you can say good-bye." > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a pair of high-heeled shoes a flight attendant uniform (being worn) a magic wand Snap, crackle, pop! The big ones are molting. And advancing.

[Themes: Fantasy, magic, fantasy] > Go downward From behind you, you hear the sizzle of Meretzky's wand. > Go south You can't go that way. The lobsters scuttle and screetch in malicious glee.

> Go downwards From behind you, you hear the sizzle of Meretzky's wand. The hull creaks and groans from stress. You wonder how much time you have. > You look Row after row of tightly packed seats, with minimal padding, sharp corners, and ratty seat belts. A movie screen swings above one seat; an open overhead compartment limits the headroom in this section. Various half-eaten corpses of economy passengers lay strewn about, with crustaceans crawling over many of them. You can see a broken banjo and a cart here. > Down Meretzky follows you, taking pot shots at lobsters with his wand as he does so. Lobster pot shots. > You look A cramped storage section in the rear of the plane, where, if you remember correctly, some emergency supplies are supposed to be stored. The floor slopes upward to the economy section. The emergency escape hatch is inset into the wall. You can see a bathroom door, a twinkie, and an equipment bin (in which is a memo) here. > You get the twinkie Taken. > You examine the twinkie Golden brown, and every bit as edible as the day it rolled off the assembly line. > You look at the twinkie Golden brown, and every bit as edible as the day it rolled off the assembly line. Distant screams echo from elsewhere; the cracking of human skulls by vorpal claws. > Up Steve follows closely behind you. A lobster scuttles towards your foot, but you quickly punt it back. > You look Row after row of tightly packed seats, with minimal padding, sharp corners, and ratty seat belts. A movie screen swings above one seat; an open overhead compartment limits the headroom in this section. Various half-eaten corpses of economy passengers lay strewn about, with crustaceans crawling over many of them. You can see a broken banjo and a cart here. > Up Meretzky follows you, taking pot shots at lobsters with his wand as he does so. Lobster pot shots. > Up The High Wizard follows you silently. The smell of malevolent arthropods burns your nose. > You look Rows of seats that are spaced the way economy seats used to be spaced about five years ago. It is enough to make the gullible mortals feel superior to those in economy, while still stripping them subtly of their humanity. It is your favorite section of the plane. Northward, a narrow, staircase spirals toward to the first class section. Just above the business class is the bulkhead that leads to the cockpit. Over in seat 31A, a schoolmarm-ish woman is too exhausted to make a sound. You can also see a staircase and an open bulkhead here. > You look A cone-shaped room bristling with those blinking lights and other technical knick-knacks that mortals consider fancy. You can see an open bulkhead here. > You go to the west The undulating spiral walls of the vortex rotate hypnotically, drawing you in. It crackles with actinic lightning flashes. At the far end of the tunnel a great figure holds the vortex open, his hands held above his head like Moses parting the Red Sea. His salt-and-pepper ponytail flaps behind him in arising maelstrom. You have only heard tell of him in legends, but there is no doubt in your mind that the figure is none other than Don Woods, one of the Fathers of the Genre. Even with his great power, Woods is struggling to hold the portal open. In each of his mighty fists, he has gathered bundles of ethernet cords, which lead away in every direction. Woods calls upon the power of the Internet itself, tapping into the raw flow of energy from the IFwiki, IFDb, IFMud, and Baf's guide, Brass Lantern, and R.A.I.F. He reaches out through the thousands of works of interactive fiction in the repository, all the way back the original Adventure. He draws on the pleasure and sense of challenge felt by the millions who have ever played a text adventure, and channels it into the whirling vortex. As sweat pours from his brow, he beckons you forward. > You go west An extradimensional wormhole which snakes back and forth chaotically. It connects the cockpit of the plane somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean with the Hynes Convention Center in Boston, Massachusetts. The end of the tube leading back to the plane is shrinking. Don Woods strains to maintain the wormhole through time and space.

[Themes: Fantasy, humor, magic] > You look at your surroundings It is pitch dark. The audience eagerly awaits the premier of a documentary, which will chronicle the history of interactive fiction. > You get the lamp Taken. You are transported to a place of brightness and comraderie. On the desk is a laptop. > You examine the laptop A plain black laptop, its keys polished smooth with use. On the screen, a text adventure awaits you. > You read the laptop The laptop screen looks odd -- smaller and smaller echoes of itself trailing off into the distance. The game banner prints. It's odd name (something about lobsters) is typical of hastily written speedIF. Still, it might be worth playing. You decide to give it the benefit of the doubt and start typing in commmands. Friends gather around you to see what you are doing, making occassional comments as you trip over your high-heels and learn to use your wand. Congratulations, player. You are home. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT? > Tree compass (6) the north the northeast the northwest the south the southeast the southwest the east the west the up the down the inside the outside (LibraryMessages) (7) (darkness object) (8) (Inform Parser) (9) (Inform Library) (10) (property_numberspace_forcer) (11) (ValuePropertyHolder) (31) Room 2305 (44) people floor yourself high-heeled shoes flight attendant uniform magic wand twinkie silver wings name tag desk laptop Truck Stop (55) triangle of canine obedience barbeque tongs escape pod Goblin's Lair (59) fuzzy dice Helmet of Total Information Awareness fish tank tubing Ambulance (63) goggles of alchemy leather breeches of etiquette bottle opener Aft Cargo Bay (67) cocktail shaker rune stones of recent acquaintance Madagascar Dragon Tree Orcish pie wedding ring Sheriff's Office (73) kitchen apron diving helmet can of beans Attic (77) bobby pin > You take off the uniform You take off the flight attendant uniform. > You examine People Members of the IF community. They are urging you to try out the game on the laptop. > Tree compass (6) the north the northeast the northwest the south the southeast the southwest the east the west the up the down the inside the outside (LibraryMessages) (7) (darkness object) (8) (Inform Parser) (9) (Inform Library) (10) (property_numberspace_forcer) (11) (ValuePropertyHolder) (31) Room 2305 (44) people floor yourself high-heeled shoes flight attendant uniform magic wand twinkie silver wings name tag desk laptop Copying Room (55) crowbar wad of chewing gum beanstalk seeds unicycle Aix-la-Chapelle (60) corn cob pipe Paving Stone of Good Intention kinky outfit stovied totties Death Star, Command Deck (65) earmuffs of stealth can of depilatory cream (empty) potion of chicken splendor Changing Room (69) waffle iron theatrical handcuffs drink coasters garden weasel The Khan's Pleasure Suite (74) ballista glockenspiel of prismatic monkey caving gear Footbridge (78) soap-on-a-rope men at work sign Trash-strewn Alley (81) escargot forks accordion of gold cantalope (half eaten) irony detector > Purloin earmuffs You are too old-school for that -- purloining would offend your Lawful Good alignment. You resist the brief wave of kleptomania. > Gonear trophy Your teleport spell fizzles. > About yourself Four-hundred and eighty-six years, and you look like a supermodel (even more so, without your clothes). That's partly due to your inherently superior breeding, and partly attributable to the plastic surgery, cybernetic implants and magical enhancements all courtesy of The Republic. > Sing Your singing is abominable. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > Darn Quite. > Actions [the actions action - succeeded]. > Rules Rules tracing now switched "on". Type "rules" to switch it off again. > You look A room full of people who you have known from emails, usenet posts, forum discussions, chats on the IFmud, and of course, through their games. There are pockets of discussion about text adventures played in the past, and interactive fiction to be written in the future. The overall impression is one of warmth and welcomeness. On the desk is a laptop. [Rule "offer to write a paragraph about something, but don't really mean it" applies.] [Rule "things that man should not know" applies.] [Rule "Heisenburg uncertainty principle for objects other than cats" applies.]

[Themes: nonhuman protagonist] It's June 2001, and the pre-emptive Foot and Mouth culls are becoming increasingly barbarous. On a remote Cumbrian farm, a DEFRA official has arrived to oversee the slaughter of an uninfected goat herd, despite the protestations of the farmer, despite the promise of a court-approved reprieve the next morning. Someone's got to delay the culling of your herd. And that someone is you. (Type 'about' for further details) Four damp dry-stone walls, and a cold wind turning to cast rain through the only window, rattling at the door as it goes. Your herd is here, clustered on the drier side of the straw-strewn floor, next to the feeding trough. [Author's Note: You play as a goat whose goal is to prevent the slaughter of yourself and your herd by health officials from DEFRA. (DEFRA is the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, a UK government agency.) Since you are a goat, this may be a bit of a challenge.]

> About you You're a grey-fawn Toggenburg with two impressively-curling horns and a particularly smart beard. > Inventory Your mouth is empty. > Butt What do you want to butt? > Kick What do you want to kick? > You examine the trough A low metal feeding trough is bolted to the southern wall, a slatted barrier giving each of the herd a feeding space. > Bleat What do you want to bleat at? > You bleat at yourself You bleat at yourself. > Bleat at herd You bleat at the herd. They blink at you, but otherwise offer no reaction. > You eat the straw But it's filthy. > You eat herd You are vegetarian. > You examine the herd Two shaggy-looking males, three placid females, and a couple of nervous kids. The goats chew pensively on nothing, their rectangular pupils staring variously around the shed. > You kick the herd A couple of the larger males fight you off, and stare at you with a confused anger. > You eat the barrier That's plainly inedible. > You examine the trough A low metal feeding trough is bolted to the southern wall, a slatted barrier giving each of the herd a feeding space. > You pull the trough You are unable to. > You look Four damp dry-stone walls, and a cold wind turning to cast rain through the only window, rattling at the door as it goes. Your herd is here, clustered on the drier side of the straw-strewn floor, next to the feeding trough. > You look at the door A thick wooden board, not quite the right shape to fit the doorframe, is set in the western wall. It's criss-crossed with three or four generations of scratches, punctuated with impatient kick-holes. > You open door You push against the door with your forehead, but something is holding it shut. > You kick the door Your horns clatter against the door, but it remains closed. > You examine the window A roughly square hole in the western wall looks out onto the yard, and the farm beyond. > You enter the window Clambering up the stony wall, you crane your neck through the window... You look out onto the fenced-in square of concrete, the exercise yard and recreation area for your herd. The shed door rattles in the wind, beside you. > You examine the door The wooden board is heavily weathered on this side, and shakes violently in the wind. A short length of blue-plastic rope has been tied between a nail in the door, and a hook on the wall outside. > You eat the rope Stretching your neck, you are just able to take the rope between your teeth. Lifting it from the hook, you attempt to pull it free from the door, but it seems too firmly attached. You let go, and the rope falls to hang limply from the door. > Bleat at door You bleat at the goat-shed door. > You open the door You push the door open, struggling slightly against the wind. > You go west This fenced-off square of washed-down concrete is as much of the world as your herd has seen, for the past few weeks. The metal gate has been left open to the north. > You go north A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. An unfamiliar vehicle has been parked here. > You examine the vehicle It looks like one of the big, wheeled machines that the farmer uses, but is of an unfamiliar greyish colour. Now that you are closer to it, you realise that an unpleasant smell is seeping from it. > Smell vehicle The machine smells of death, of dead and burnt flesh. > Bleat at vehicle You bleat at the grey vehicle. > You kick the vehicle With a cantering run-up, you crash angrily against its flank. > You go to the east The muddy track opens out onto the main road, here, cutting through a thick and brambly hedge. A low pit has been sunk into the track just before the road, topped with a series of parallel rungs. A bucket of disinfectant sits at the side of the road. > You look at the bucket The sturdy plastic bucket has been filled with an acrid-smelling disinfectant. > You look at the pit The pit looks to be about half a leg deep, and is as wide as the track. > You go east Your hooves slip and falter as you try to step across the rungs - you back off before you fall and hurt yourself. > You get the bucket Taken. > You check your inventory You are carrying a bucket of disinfectant, in your mouth. > You drop the bucket Dropped. > You go west This rough dirt track curves into the barn to the north, while a gateway opens south into the pig-pens. A length of yellow-and-black plastic tape has been drawn across the gateway. > You examine the tape Yellow-and-black striped tape has been stretched taut between the gateposts to the south, slapping and fluttering loudly in the wind. > Go north A huge curve of corrugated metal sweeps overhead, resting on half-repaired walls. Haybales are stacked and scattered out of the rain, a ragtag flock of chickens pecking their aimless way around the dirt floor. > You eat tape You chew savagely at the unpleasant-tasting tape - it gradually weakens under the grinding of your teeth, before snapping and spiralling away to each side. > You go to the south These low concrete buildings were home to a dozen or so ill-tempered pigs, the last time you came this way. The pens are empty, now, a single sheet of corrugated iron clanking forlornly in the wind. > You look at the iron Once a roof, the sheet-metal is now only held in place by a couple of rusting bolts. It runs diagonally down into the mud, and buckles back and forth as the wind catches it. > You kick the iron You batter your horns against it fiercely. One of the bolts pops free. > You kick the iron Another assault, and the second bolt snaps. With a groan, the corrugated metal slides into the mud. > You look These low concrete buildings were home to a dozen or so ill-tempered pigs, the last time you came this way. The pens are empty, now, nothing but mud and rainwater. You can see a sheet of corrugated iron here. > You get the iron Clamping your teeth around a bolt-hole, you just about manage to drag the thing with you. > Go east A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. An unfamiliar vehicle has been parked here. You can see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You go to the east The muddy track opens out onto the main road, here, cutting through a thick and brambly hedge. A low pit has been sunk into the track just before the road, topped with a series of parallel rungs. > You put the iron on the pit You drop the sheet just before the pit, and nudge it forward along the ground. With a rhythmic clanging, the grooves of the corrugated iron match the rungs above the pit - it is not long before the metal spans the pit entirely. > You go east You stand nervously on the muddy B-road that connects the farm to the outside world. The open sky has a grey heaviness to it, tinged with red and black from what seems to be a fire in a field to the east. The field's gate, across the road, has been left open, while your farm lies back to the west. You notice lights moving in the field, and a dark green vehicle suddenly rumbles into view, framed in the gateway. The engine cuts out as the driver - a thick-set man in white overalls - catches sight of you, a clearly fugitive goat. Before you can react, the vehicle door has swung open, and a shotgun has been fired. > You examine the haybales Dozens of grey-yellow haybales have been stacked heavily around the barn, reaching almost to the roof at the back. > You examine the chickens The birds peck and scratch around the floor of the barn, occasionally jerking their heads up to stare at you with orange-eyed suspicion. > Inventory Your mouth is empty. > You eat the hay You pull out a few strands of hay, and chew on them thoughtfully. > You climb the hay They're too soft and precarious to merit any worthwhile climbing. > Bleat at chickens You bleat at the chickens. > You follow you You bleat. > You search the hay Craning behind them and nudging a few others aside, you fail to find anything other than haybales. > About you You're a grey-fawn Toggenburg with two impressively-curling horns and a particularly smart beard. > Go north You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. > You examine the window The window looks into the farmhouse's kitchen. You can make out two human figures inside. > Go west A small wooden structure sits in the grass at the corner of the house, here, at the point where the path curves around to the north. As you trot towards it, the kennel begins to make a growling noise. > You examine the figures You can just about recognise the face of the farmer. The other human, clad in strange black-and-grey clothes and seated at the large wooden table, seems unfamiliar. They talk loudly and angrily to one another. > Bleat at farmer You bleat at the humans. > You look at other (the farmhouse window) The window looks into the farmhouse's kitchen. You can make out two human figures inside. > You look at the kennel A very small wooden building, barely big enough for a kid. Slumped in the shadows within is a large dog, which you think might belong to the farmer. > You look at the dog The heavily-built black dog stares out at you malevolently, growling with his side-teeth slightly bared. > Bleat at dog You bleat at the dog. > Go north As you pass the kennel, the dog bounds out and - his chain pulled taut - begins to bark loudly. The door to the farmhouse swings open, the farmer emerging onto the driveway. Seeing you and the dog, he pads across and grabs you by the neck, pulling you back before leading you gently to the goat shed. The rope on the door is tied tightly, and the farmer walks away. After maybe ten minutes, there is the sound of another vehicle turning up - ten minutes after that, the door is pulled open and half a dozen DEFRA slaughtermen burst in with bolt-guns. > Go south A thick, brambly hedge blocks your way. > You look A small wooden structure sits in the grass at the corner of the house, here, at the point where the path curves around to the north. The farmer's dog glares out from the shadows of his home, growling darkly. > Go east You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. > You go to the south A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. An unfamiliar vehicle has been parked here. You can see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You look in it You nose inquisitively at the feed, but there is nothing to be found. All of the interesting tidbits were rooted out and eaten earlier. > You examine the straw The brittle grey-yellow straw has been soaked and flattened against the concrete. > You get the straw But it's filthy. > You take the trough That's hardly portable. > You get the rope You are unable to detach it from the door. > Now is the the time for all the good goats to come to the the aid of their herd You bleat at the herd. They blink at you, but otherwise offer no reaction. Goats never take orders, even from other goats. > You look at door The door has been opened, revealing the yard. > You look at the gate A gate of sturdy metal tubing, carelessly left open. > You kick the gate That's hardly portable. Violence isn't the answer to this one. > You close the gate Some sort of locking mechanism is holding it open. > You get the bucket You already have that. > You kick the bucket You knock the bucket over. The evil disinfectant splashes out in a murky yellow tidal wave, spreading to form a puddle. > Inventory Your mouth is empty. > You kick it Dropped. You knock the bucket over. The evil disinfectant splashes out in a murky yellow tidal wave, spreading to form a puddle. > You throw the bucket at the dog You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment. > You drop the bucket Dropped. > You look at the feed The trough is about a quarter-full of mixed grains - oats, barley and soya pellets, mainly. Any extra leaves or vegetables have long since been eaten. > You get the feed Your mouth is already full. > You drop the bucket Dropped. > You get the feed You reach through a gap in the barrier and take a mouthful of the feed, holding it on your tongue. > You drop the feed Dropped. As you drop the feed, the chickens begin to flock around you, pecking enthusiastically at the grain. > You look A huge curve of corrugated metal sweeps overhead, resting on half-repaired walls. Haybales are stacked and scattered out of the rain, a ragtag flock of chickens pecking their aimless way around the dirt floor. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > You get the feed Taken. The chickens peck up the last few stray grains. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying a mouthful of goat-feed, in your mouth. > You show the feed to the chickens The chickens are unimpressed. > You feed the chickens (to the chickens) (first taking the chickens) They beat their wings and scrabble out of your reach. > You drop the feed Dropped. As you drop the feed, the chickens begin to flock around you, pecking enthusiastically at the grain. > You get the chicken They beat their wings and scrabble out of your reach. The chickens continue to peck at the scattered goat-feed. > You check what you're carrying Your mouth is empty. Another chicken flaps down from the haybales to join the feast. > Wait Time passes. With a hungry murmuring, the chickens peck at the grain. > You wait Time passes. > Go east Four damp dry-stone walls, and a cold wind turning to cast rain through the only window, rattling at the door as it goes. Your herd is here, clustered on the drier side of the straw-strewn floor, next to the feeding trough. You can see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You get the feed You reach through a gap in the barrier and take a mouthful of the feed, holding it on your tongue. > Go north A huge curve of corrugated metal sweeps overhead, resting on half-repaired walls. Haybales are stacked and scattered out of the rain, a ragtag flock of chickens pecking their aimless way around the dirt floor. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. The chickens continue to peck at the scattered goat-feed. One of the bolder chickens struts out of the barn to the south, but soon returns. She goes back to pecking through the grain. > You go to the west You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > Go east You can see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You go to the west A thick hedge blocks your path. > Go north You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. One of the bolder chickens struts out of the barn to the south, and does not return. > Go south You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. The chicken wanders away to the north, pecking hungrily at the floor. > Go north You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. With a hungry murmuring, the chickens peck at the grain. One of the bolder chickens struts out of the barn to the south, and does not return. > You get the feed Taken. The chickens peck up the last few stray grains. > Attack chicken They beat their wings and scrabble out of your reach. > You drop the feed (the mouthful of goat-feed) Dropped. > Go south You can see two small piles of goat-feed here. > Go east You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. > Go north As you pass the kennel, the dog bounds out and - his chain pulled taut - begins to bark loudly. The door to the farmhouse swings open, the farmer emerging onto the driveway. Seeing you and the dog, he pads across and grabs you by the neck, pulling you back before leading you gently to the goat shed. The rope on the door is tied tightly, and the farmer walks away. After maybe ten minutes, there is the sound of another vehicle turning up - ten minutes after that, the door is pulled open and half a dozen DEFRA slaughtermen burst in with bolt-guns. > Go north You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. The chicken pecks impatiently at the grain. > You wait for a while Time passes. The chicken triumphantly picks out a speck of what might be linseed. > Go north You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. The chicken wanders away to the west, pecking hungrily at the floor. You watch as the chicken, pecking blindly along the ground, wanders too close to the dog's kennel. There is a brief but frenzied period of barking and squawking, before the chicken flaps away. The farmhouse door swings open in front of you, the farmer stepping out into the rain. He seems surprised to see you standing outside, and - ruffling your hair - leads you gently back to the goat shed. The rope on the door is tied tightly, and the farmer walks away. After maybe ten minutes, there is the sound of another vehicle turning up - ten minutes after that, the door is pulled open and half a dozen DEFRA slaughtermen burst in with bolt-guns. > You wait awhile Time passes. A chicken arrives from the north, strutting directly to the pile of goat-feed. > You go to the north You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. The chickens pick barley grains out of the dirt on the floor. > You wait awhile Time passes. The chickens pick barley grains out of the dirt on the floor. > You wait Time passes. Another chicken flaps down from the haybales to join the feast. > You go north You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. The chickens continue to peck at the scattered goat-feed. > You wait awhile Time passes. The chickens pick barley grains out of the dirt on the floor. > You wait awhile Time passes. The chickens continue to peck at the scattered goat-feed. > Wait Time passes. Another chicken flaps down from the haybales to join the feast. One of the bolder chickens struts out of the barn to the south, and does not return. > You eat the feed You crunch the husks and pellets between your heavy teeth, swallowing it all down. The chickens peck up the last few stray grains. > You go to the south You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. The chicken wanders away to the east, pecking hungrily at the floor. > You eat the feed You crunch the husks and pellets between your heavy teeth, swallowing it all down. > Go east You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. The lone chicken scrabbles hungrily through the goat-feed. > You wait for a while Time passes. The lone chicken scrabbles hungrily through the goat-feed.

> Look around A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. An unfamiliar vehicle has been parked here. You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. > You eat the feed You crunch the husks and pellets between your heavy teeth, swallowing it all down. > You wait awhile Time passes. The chicken pecks impatiently at the grain.

> Look around A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. An unfamiliar vehicle has been parked here. You can see a single chicken and a small pile of goat-feed here. The chicken triumphantly picks out a speck of what might be linseed. > Wait Time passes. The chicken wanders away to the north, pecking hungrily at the floor. > You kick the chicken Flapping her wings in alarm, the bird turns tail and scrabbles back to the safety of the barn. > Go east You hear a far-off barking, closely followed by a panicked fluttering and squawking. A moment or two passes, and you hear the farmer shouting, the dog whining. A door slams. > You go north You stand at the hedged-off side of the farmhouse, the back door to the east swinging open in the wind, and a path winding south to the front of the building. A short stick is leant up against the wall. > You get the stick Your mouth is already full. > You examine stick A rough wooden stick, about as long as one of your legs. > You check your inventory You are carrying a bucket of disinfectant, in your mouth. > You drop it The stick is already here. > Go east The house doesn't look so impressive now that you're inside - the tiled floor is criss-crossed with muddy footprints, the air smells of dung and disinfectant, and it's no less cold than outside. Doors lead east, into the house, and west, to outside. You can see a rain hat and a coat here. > You examine the coat A thin, matt-green waterproof coat, far too big for you and smelling strongly of disinfectant. > Wear coat (first taking the coat) You fling it loosely over your back, pulling it into shape around your neck. The unpleasant rubber lining sticks slightly against your own coat. > You wear the hat (first taking the rain hat) You throw it into the air, catching it on your horns. A few shakes of the head, and it seems to stay in place reasonably enough. > Go west You stand at the hedged-off side of the farmhouse, the back door to the east swinging open in the wind, and a path winding south to the front of the building. A short stick is leant up against the wall. You can also see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You go to the south A small wooden structure sits in the grass at the corner of the house, here, at the point where the path curves around to the north. It seems to be empty. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > You go to the east You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > You go east A hedge blocks your way. > Go east The muddy track opens out onto the main road, here, cutting through a thick and brambly hedge. A low pit has been sunk into the track just before the road, topped with a series of parallel rungs. You can see a sheet of corrugated iron here. > You go east You stand nervously on the muddy B-road that connects the farm to the outside world. The open sky has a grey heaviness to it, tinged with red and black from what seems to be a fire in a field to the east. The field's gate, across the road, has been left open, while your farm lies back to the west. You notice lights moving in the field, and a dark green vehicle suddenly rumbles into view, framed in the gateway. The driver - a thick-set man in white overalls - glances briefly in your direction, but either fails to notice you, or mistakes your form for that of a crouching human. The vehicle pulls across the road, disappearing through the gate of your farm, rumbling across the metal-runged pit. > Go east Deep, wide vehicle-tracks have cut across this ravaged field, all heading towards some sort of bonfire on the eastern side. Ash-black smoke rolls into the night sky, glowing a bloody red in the light of the fires. > You go to the east A deep trench has been dug along the eastern side of the field, piled full of the carcasses of infected or suspected cattle. Red and orange flames curl and flicker around the corpses, and a choking pall of black smoke pours into the sky. > You look at the fire The pit has been filled with dead cattle, soaked with petrol and flammable disinfectant, and set alight. Blackish smoke rises from the charred carcasses, and tongues of flame curl here and there. > Go north N = next subject P = RETURN = read subject Q = re sume game Information is available on the following matters:- > DEFRA DEFRA is the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (previously MAFF), the UK government agency responsible for carrying out the variously-questionable "contiguous culling" of over seven million farm animals during the 2001 Foot and Mouth epidemic. N = next subject P = RETURN = read subject Q = re sume game Information is available on the following matters:- > DEFRA > Go west You stand nervously on the muddy B-road that connects the farm to the outside world. The open sky has a grey heaviness to it, tinged with red and black from what seems to be a fire in a field to the east. The field's gate, across the road, has been left open, while your farm lies back to the west. > You go west The muddy track opens out onto the main road, here, cutting through a thick and brambly hedge. A low pit has been sunk into the track just before the road, topped with a series of parallel rungs. You can see a sheet of corrugated iron here. > You go to the west A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. Two unfamiliar vehicles have been parked here. > You look at the vehicle Which do you mean, the green vehicle or the grey vehicle? > Green Similar to the other one, but green. Looking through the window, you can see a rack of shotguns and bolt-guns, and numerous wooden boxes. > You look at the grey It looks like one of the big, wheeled machines that the farmer uses, but is of an unfamiliar greyish colour. Now that you are closer to it, you realise that an unpleasant smell is seeping from it. > You go north You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > You go to the west A small wooden structure sits in the grass at the corner of the house, here, at the point where the path curves around to the north. It seems to be empty. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > You go north You stand at the hedged-off side of the farmhouse, the back door to the east swinging open in the wind, and a path winding south to the front of the building. A short stick is leant up against the wall. You can also see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You go to the east The house doesn't look so impressive now that you're inside - the tiled floor is criss-crossed with muddy footprints, the air smells of dung and disinfectant, and it's no less cold than outside. Doors lead east, into the house, and west, to outside. > You look at the door Which do you mean, the back door or the white door? > White A flat white door, leading to the rest of the house. > You drop the coat (first taking the coat off) You shake it off onto the ground. Dropped. > You open white door It seems to be locked. > Wear coat (first taking the coat) You're already wearing that! > Inventory Your mouth is empty. You are wearing a coat and a rain hat. > Go west You stand at the hedged-off side of the farmhouse, the back door to the east swinging open in the wind, and a path winding south to the front of the building. A short stick is leant up against the wall. You can also see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying a stick, in your mouth. You are wearing a coat and a rain hat. > Go south A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. Two unfamiliar vehicles have been parked here. You can see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You go east Enter saved game to store: Ok. The muddy track opens out onto the main road, here, cutting through a thick and brambly hedge. A low pit has been sunk into the track just before the road, topped with a series of parallel rungs. You can see a sheet of corrugated iron here. > Light stick You hold the end of the stick to one of the pyre's flames - after a while the end begins to smoulder, before slowly blossoming into fire. > You kick the bucket You knock the bucket over. The evil disinfectant splashes out in a murky yellow tidal wave, spreading to form a puddle beneath the two vehicles. > Light puddle The noxious disinfectant bursts into fire with a roaring purple flame, quickly enveloping the two DEFRA vehicles. As the tyres melt and the paint peels away, you are quick to retreat to the goat yard, and the safety of the shed. Craning your neck through the window, you can make out the DEFRA official emerging from the farmhouse with four of his slaughtermen. They watch in disbelief as their transport and equipment is consumed by the blaze, backing away as one petrol tank ignites, followed by the other. The fire doesn't spread, and begins to die down, but the local fire brigade arrive within twenty minutes or so. Exasperated by the accident and the stirrings of media attention, the DEFRA men vanish silently into the night. You settle down into the straw, and wait for the sunrise. > Go east A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. Two unfamiliar vehicles have been parked here. You can see a stick here. > Go north A huge curve of corrugated metal sweeps overhead, resting on half-repaired walls. Haybales are stacked and scattered out of the rain, a ragtag flock of chickens pecking their aimless way around the dirt floor. You can see a puddle of disinfectant and a bucket (which is empty) here. > Light puddle The noxious disinfectant bursts into fire with a roaring purple flame, and begins to blazes away under its own fuel, acidic orange smoke swirling up into the sky. It is not long before the farmer and the DEFRA slaughtermen emerge from the farmhouse to investigate. > You look A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. Two unfamiliar vehicles have been parked here. You can see a bucket of disinfectant here. > You get the bucket Dropped. Taken. > Go east You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. A small wooden structure sits in the grass at the corner of the house, here, at the point where the path curves around to the north. It seems to be empty. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > Go north You stand at the hedged-off side of the farmhouse, the back door to the east swinging open in the wind, and a path winding south to the front of the building. > You go to the north Deep, wide vehicle-tracks have cut across this ravaged field, all heading towards some sort of bonfire on the eastern side. Ash-black smoke rolls into the night sky, glowing a bloody red in the light of the fires. You stand nervously on the muddy B-road that connects the farm to the outside world. The open sky has a grey heaviness to it, tinged with red and black from what seems to be a fire in a field to the east. The field's gate, across the road, has been left open, while your farm lies back to the west. The muddy track opens out onto the main road, here, cutting through a thick and brambly hedge. A low pit has been sunk into the track just before the road, topped with a series of parallel rungs. You can see a sheet of corrugated iron here. A roughly-bordered area of freshly-laid tarmac marks the centre of the farm - the goat shed and its yard lie back to the south, while the farmhouse is north. Dirt tracks lead east and west, the eastern track continuing out to the main road. Two unfamiliar vehicles have been parked here. You've never quite understood why humans live in such large sheds, particularly when they seem so bipedal. The farmhouse looks to be about twenty times the size of the goat-shed, with glass in its windows and a roof of straw. The path from the south winds through grass to the side of the house, to the west. You can see a small pile of goat-feed here. > Go east The house doesn't look so impressive now that you're inside - the tiled floor is criss-crossed with muddy footprints, the air smells of dung and disinfectant, and it's no less cold than outside. Doors lead east, into the house, and west, to outside. You can see a puddle of disinfectant and a bucket (which is empty) here. > Light puddle The noxious disinfectant bursts into fire with a roaring purple flame, and begins to blazes away under its own fuel, acidic orange smoke swirling up into the sky. It is not long before the farmer and the DEFRA slaughtermen emerge from the farmhouse to investigate.

[Themes: Slice of life, pancake] Leaves rustle in the spring breeze, and the soft calls of distant birds add a pleasant background. The barnyard is filled with muck. Nearby, a splintery old post juts from the mud. A rusty old cowbell hangs from the post. A perky pink pig is sleeping in the ooze nearby. A lunchbox lies forlornly on the ground. [Author's Note: You play as a non-descript person on a farm where you'll find a pig and a pancake. Enjoy!] > About yourself As good-looking as ever. > You look at the post It's a post. What more do you want? > You look at the pig The pig twitches and grumbles in his sleep, oblivious to the outside world. > Poke pig The pig sighs happily, unperturbed. > You examine the lunchbox It's a plain tin lunchbox. There may once have been some sort of cartoon character on the front, but the paint wore off long ago. It is tightly latched. > You open the lunchbox [Your score has just gone up by five points.] > You look in the lunchbox In the lunchbox is a pancake. > You eat the pancake (first taking the pancake) > You give the pancake to the pig (first taking the pancake) > You ring cowbell CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG! The pig leaps to his feet with a grunt, and glances around warily. > You get the post That's hardly portable. > You eat the pig (first taking the pig) The pig ignores you, snorting forlornly at the mud.

[Themes: Slice of life, pancake] > Look around Leaves rustle in the spring breeze, and the soft calls of distant birds add a pleasant background. The barnyard is filled with muck. Nearby, a splintery old post juts from the mud. A rusty old cowbell hangs from the post. The pig yawns and snuffles about lazily. A lunchbox lies forlornly on the ground. > You feed pancake to the pig (first taking the pancake)

So here you are, alone, again, in this vast subterranean laboratory dug deep under the peaceful town of Lubbock, Texas. Christmas time, holidays for almost everyone but you and a few other slaves... Nah, heroes. Working for the government is nothing but a privilege to be cherished. You're sitting in a steel chair, watching a small TV. Sitting in a way only apes would be believed to be able to sit, but hey, boredom has killed your ability to keep your back straight a long time ago. Your favorite show, "You bet your life", is about to begin but you still have to run the safety check with the computer terminal, like you've been doing every hour since the beginning of your shift. So, let's roll! Concrete walls, gray for the most part. Some panels here and there, covered with a plethora of buttons and lights. The place has nothing to be liked for. It's nothing more than one of the biggest Boondoggle of the century! Here lies your desk and your favorite chair, and a frozen alien twenty meters ahead of you, protected by several security devices. The main exit is south, but you're supposed to stay here the whole night! There are some other rooms east and west, but without any TV they are just boring and useless places.

> About yourself Your first weeks here were very exciting. Working on classified files, alien abductions, secret weapons, a real dream job. Until you discovered that here, like in any other place, you have to spend countless hours filling boring documents, reading reports and shaking damp hands. > You examine the alien A strong, cold, modern creature from outer space in a strong, cold, modern sarcophagus from inner earth. Made in the USA, as far as you know. The coffin, I mean. > You look at desk On your desk sits the powerful terminal which allows you to command the computer. > You look at the terminal With this terminal you can give orders to the computer and unleash its terrific power. Switch it on, and the magical black screen gets all... well... black, but with little green characters dancing on it. > You turn on the terminal *** LOCOMOTIVE BASIC 0.23b COMPUTER ACCESS AUTHENTIFICATION USER : bigboy PASSWORD : longpinkbeard AUTH OK. ORDERS? > You turn on the terminal We've got one nearly every week, I can't stand this anymore!" I beg your pardon?

> Look around Concrete walls, gray for the most part. Some panels here and there, covered with a plethora of buttons and lights. The place has nothing to be liked for. It's nothing more than one of the biggest Boondoggle of the century! Here lies your desk and your favorite chair, and a frozen alien twenty meters ahead of you, protected by several security devices. The main exit is south, but you're supposed to stay here the whole night! There are some other rooms east and west, but without any TV they are just boring and useless places. > You examine the laser They are red. Doesn't look like a "Don't touch me" warning? > You take the laser They're hardly portable. > You ask the alien about the suzie perkins You can only do that to something animate. > You examine the devices Several layers of security are meant to prevent the alien from escaping, killing numerous employees on his way. The first device is a gas bomb, close to the coffin. The second one is a glass wall, five meters from the coffin. The third one in a full set of powerful laser beams, ten meters from the coffin. They cross, giving birth to a permanent hellish wall. Yeah, they are really impressive. > You look at the glass wall This bomb will explode automatically if the alien were to get out of his coffin. This gas incapacitates him in a few seconds. > Examine tv This magical box just saves the day. > You get the tv That's hardly portable. > You go to the east This room is maybe the more useless in the whole base. It contains an old emergency generator, to be used when the main power supply AND the secondary generator are failing. How the hell could this happen? Thus your team used this place as a junk room. There could be some fun stuff to get there, but right now it's better to watch your favorite show on TV. > You go west Well, nobody goes there, that's the secondary generator room. This is supposed to be used when the main power supply is out. This never happened... Why would that happen today? > You get all The lab computer: That's hardly portable. lights: That's hardly portable. The computer terminal: That's hardly portable. desk: That's hardly portable. TV: That's hardly portable. posters: They're hardly portable. alien coffin: That's not exactly a good idea. security devices: They're hardly portable. gas bomb: That's hardly portable. glass wall: That's hardly portable. laser beams: They're hardly portable. christmas tree: That's hardly portable. > You look at the tree Your colleagues gave this to you. That's nice. Scumbags! > You look at desk On your desk sits the powerful terminal which allows you to command the computer. > You examine computer A small computer really, marvel of the technology. Stuck in the east wall, it's only six meters wide, thus allowing some room for a few more posters. There are some lights on it, here and there, but you don't know exactly what they could mean. Well, in fact, you don't at all what they could mean, but as long everything is not flashing red, you can suppose the calculator is fine. > You examine posters Mostly pin-ups... > You look at lights Blip... clic... blip... every annoying light here seems to be related to some even more annoying noise. > You turn off the computer Certainly not. This computer handles everything here. Without it, you're toast! > You remove posters (first taking the posters) They're hardly portable. > Hug tree You can only do that to something animate. > Sing Your singing is abominable. > You get laser They're hardly portable. > You look at the terminal With this terminal you can give orders to the computer and unleash its terrific power. Switch it on, and the magical black screen gets all... well... black, but with little green characters dancing on it. > You touch the terminal There's a bug somewhere. But in the computer for sure, the terminal won't help. > You touch the computer Looking closely at the main components, you finally find some kind of coackroach stucked in a magnetic reader. You remove it carefully and crush it under your mighty foot. Good riddance, the computer should work now. No bugs! > You turn on the computer It's already running, but you can control it through the terminal. > You turn on the terminal *** ORDERS? .....start procedure ok CHECK TERMINAL INTEGRITY...OK CHECK MINIMAL SYSTEMS BATTERIES...OK CHECK COMPUTER SYSTEM...OK CHECK SECURITY DEVICES...OK CHECK PRIM...!!ALERT!! SECURITY CHECK ABORTED. REASON : problem with main power supply. SECONDARY GENERATOR AUTOMATIC LAUNCH...FAILURE !!ALERT!! !!ALERT!! !!ALERT!! Coffin temperature rising. Creature will wake up at -40 degrees Fahrenheit. *** "What the..." Indeed, the main power supply is in trouble... most of the lights just went off, as did the TV. Hopefully, a few batteries were ready and are now delivering minimal power to the computer, the terminal, and a few lights to see what you're doing. The only problem is this alien which won't stay frozen for long if you can't start the secondary generator, located in the western room. > You go to the west The only purpose of this room is to host the huge secondary generator, very useful when the main power of the town is having problems. To the east you'll get back to the laboratory. You can't go that way. > Examine generator This huge generator uses the power of the Atom, nothing less. It is a small nuclear power plant, of the highest available top secret technology. > Search generator You see a form on the generator. It should give you the date of the last maintenance routine. > Examine form Written on this, with very small and in an ugly writing, the date of the last maintenance routine. Here it goes... Last maintenance date : HEY GUYS WHERE THESE SCREWS WERE SUPPOSED TO GO ?? Mike > You get the book This HUGE blue book contains thousands of pages explaining everything you should know to repair this baby. Alas, the pages you need, like in fact half of the total amount of pages, have been taken out of the book. Looks like another consequence of last year's shortage of toilet paper. This generator won't work today. You just push the button supposed to send the information to the lab computer. RIP secondary generator. You already have that. > You go east This place has been mostly used by your team as a junk room. And it shows. To the west you'll get back to the laboratory. A wooden crate lies in a corner. > Open crate You open the crate, revealing dozens of empty bottles. Yeah, you remember now this birthday party. Well, at least you remember the fact that there was a birthday party, but you don't remember anything of it. Well. You won't find vodka anywhere else in this lab, and without this precious liquid this generator won't start. Better find some way to change the power distribution of the batteries with the computer. Who needs air conditionning anyway? That's already open. That's already open. > Examine generator This power generator is a very sturdy and efficient piece of machinery. It was made in the USSR, and you don't understand the instructions and labels written on it, but that's not too much of a problem, you know the basics: it consumes fuel and creates electricity. Well, oddly enough, it uses vodka as a fuel. > You take the bottles Sadly, they won't help you... > You look under the crate In the wooden crate are some vodka bottles. You find nothing of interest. > You look under the generator You can't work in such a mess! You find nothing of interest. > You search the junk You can't just take all of this, but at least you quickly remove what prevents you to correctly access the generator. Oh, just you found the red book explaining how this generator works. Good. > You search the junk You don't need anything of this right now, and everything is out of the way. No problem. > You read the book Which do you mean, the red manual or the blue manual? > Red This is the emergency generator documentation. In russian. Without drawings. > You get red manual You already have that. > Search generator It looks totally okay, except that the fuel tank is empty. You should find some vodka. > Go west Concrete walls, gray for the most part. Some panels here and there, covered with a plethora of buttons and lights. The place has nothing to be liked for. It's nothing more than one of the biggest Boondoggle of the century! Here lies your desk and your favorite chair, and a frozen alien twenty meters ahead of you, protected by several security devices. The main exit is south, but you're supposed to stay here the whole night! There are some other rooms east and west, but without any TV they are just boring and useless places. > You turn on the terminal *CLANG* It's... definitely coming from the coffin. *CLANG* "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I'M DEAD! OH MY GOD!" Yeah, you sort of missed the "remain calm in all circumstances" course. For sure, it's big trouble. But you'll eventually find a way to survive! Won't you? *CLANG* *CLAAAANG* Please give one of the answers above.

[Themes: Fairy tale, steampunk, Fantasy] Once upon a time, there was a queen of fay blood who couldn't bear children. To humor her saddened king, she learnt the secret arts of alchemy and mechanicks, and her head bore what her womb would not. But even that clockwork boy, a wonder held in aw throughout the kingdom, couldn't lift the kings spirits, and he fell into a great sadness. The queen asked for wizards, jesters and bards from near and far, but it was no use. So in a fit of helpless rage, she cursed the king with immortality, and flew back to her home land. The king's lands soon fell into ruin and where fought over by his knights and viceroys. The heavy-minded ruler himself continued to live in the castle, kept alive by the curse for many centuries. And then, one day, he wound up the clockwork boy again. Hugo v3.1 / Library 31031 C1594AB3-81E6-44FE-84FD-A6053D77C8D2 This room is a still life, its topics neglect. The tapestries, once colorful and moving, have bleached to the quality of distant memories. Highback chairs and tables catch dust dutifully. A red, shimmering portal wavers in the middle of the room, created by powerful magic and yet under attack constantly by the laws of the earth and sky, wishing it out of existence. The king sits here in a corner, him and time watching each other pass silently. The giant boot is here. The queen used to put you in it, when you weren't wound up, for cuteness' sake. [Author's Note: Once upon a time, there was a queen of fay blood who couldn't bear children. To humor her saddened king, she learnt the secret arts of alchemy and mechanicks, and her head bore what her womb would not. But even that clockwork boy, a wonder held in awe throughout the kingdom, couldn't lift the king's spirits, and he fell into a great sadness. The queen asked for wizards, jesters and bards from near and far, but it was no use. So, in a fit of helpless rage, she cursed the king with immortality and flew back to her home land. The king's lands soon fell into ruin and were fought over by his knights and viceroys. The heavy-minded ruler himself continued to live in the castle, kept alive by the curse for many centuries. And then, one day, he wound up the clockwork boy again.] > About yourself A thing of cogs and pistons, your thoughts are swimming in quicksilver and sluggish lead in your head. > You examine the boot It's a boot that, long ago, belong to one of the mountain giants who visited the court and got drunk on a month's supply of ale. One of them must have forgotten this in the castle years ago. > You examine king His beard has grown long and grey, his eyes old and dim. He is barely awake, just stares into nothingness. "Should've never let her go...I should have gotten myself together...Too little, too late..." > You ask the king about the queen "The bravest thing I ever did for her, probably, was slaying the giant spider that lived in the hills. Let me tell you a secret: She ruled the country hard and fair, but she was deadly scared of spiders. I brought her one of the crystal eyes of the spider. Never saw it again. Guess she never cared for it." He shrugs with the fake nonchalance reserved for old pain. > You examine the portal The red portal is open. > You ask the king about the portal "I've broken the Red Crystal to open this. Many good knights died retrieving this - they were good friends, good friends. And now I don't have the courage to go through and ask her for forgiveness." He hangs his grey head low, so low. > You ask the king about yourself "Ah, my little clockwork boy. She meant so well." > You ask the king about red Crystal You haven't encountered any "red crystal". (If you're sure you need to refer to that, try putting it another way.) > You ask the king about the boot "That old thing! You should really throw it away." > You take the boot Taken. > You enter the portal Ocean laps at the sand beneath you. You are on a drawbridge, leading north towards a cozy, but somewhat decripit castle on a small peninsula. A misplaced red portal hovers in the air. > Close portal Closed. > You open the portal Opened. > Go north You arrive at the castle gates, made of bright wood and inlaid with scenes of festivity and hospitality. An eastward path leads to the shore, the same path cuts westward around the castle wall, and the aforementioned gate leads north. > Go north You take careful steps on cracked marble tiles. The absurdly high walls of the castle around you guide the eye towards the small set of steps to the northeast. A huge jar, fireproof and sooty, sits in a corner. > You examine the jar A A huge jar, fireproof and sooty. > You look in the jar The jar is empty. > You take the jar Taken. > You go to the northeast You stumble around in the dark. > You go to the south-west You take careful steps on cracked marble tiles. The absurdly high walls of the castle around you guide the eye towards the small set of steps to the northeast. > You go to the south You arrive at the castle gates, made of bright wood and inlaid with scenes of festivity and hospitality. An eastward path leads to the shore, the same path cuts westward around the castle wall, and the aforementioned gate leads north. > Go west On the beach is a big, burnt patch of land. A phoenix is here. > You look at the phoenix The phoenix looks quite like a normal bird. But there are flames burning behind his eyes. > You take Phoenix You don't dare take it! With a thunderous hiss, the Phoenix bursts into bright red flames! > You go east The white sand besides the castle looks like one of those strips of land where you usually never see someone. A golem sits here, fishing unenthusiastically. He told you the basics of speech, long ago. > You examine the golem The stone golem sits hunched, almost keeling over, fixiating on fishing with the unshakable determination of his kind. He doesn't seem to enjoy fishing very much, though. Which is a wonder since he uses a line of excellent catgut. The phoenix closes his wings and is soon reduces to a pile of ash. > You look at the sea The ocean is unthinkably wide and very, very blue. It seems to be rather fishless. > You ask the golem about Phoenix "Ah, that silly old bird. Used to burn everything! Good at heart, but he needs to be locked up some times to cool his temper." The ash flies up, as if lifted from unseen winds, and forms the outline of a bird! > You ask the golem about the golem "I was her bodyguard. She dismissed me when she lost all interest in the world. Now I fish all day. And I hate fishing." > You ask golem about the fishing "The queen gave it to me once. Said she had no use for it anymore. And no, you can't have it." > You ask the golem about the queen "She never forgave him. Now she just sits in there in the dark and tries to sleep. Has tried for decades. She tries to stay mad at him, I guess." > You ask the golem about the king "He left her. He shouldn't have. Even after all that happened. Or maybe especially not after all that happened." > You ask the golem about yourself "Hello there little friend!" He pats you on the head." Good to see you around, pinion." The phoenix closes his wings and is soon reduces to a pile of ash. > You ask Golem about the boot You decide not to ask the Golem about it. Maybe you could use it to help him end this boring activity. > You give the boot to Golem The Stone Golem politely refuses. The ash flies up, as if lifted from unseen winds, and forms the outline of a bird! > You throw the boot Suddenly, the stone golem jumps up. "I dun caught summin'!" He reels and reels frantically - and comes up with the boot! Angrily, he breaks his rod apart and stamps on it. He then throws the boot away and stomps off. You hear him mutter "Lousy hobby" under his breath.

> Look around The white sand besides the castle looks like one of those strips of land where you usually never see someone. A fishing line is here. > You take the line Taken. With a thunderous hiss, the Phoenix bursts into bright red flames! > Go east You can only go back west, to the castle grounds. > You look at the line A length of good fishing line. > You go west On the beach is a big, burnt patch of land. A burning phoenix is here. The phoenix closes his wings and is soon reduces to a pile of ash. > You take the ash You quickly scoop up some ash. As you are not connected to the flow of the universe, the Phoenix is unable to reassamble as long as you hold it. > You put the ash in the jar You carefully pour the ash from your hand into the jar. The phoenix bursts into flame, but the fireproof glass remains unimpressed. He pecks the glass in irritation, and eyes you with consternation. > You go northeast The queen sits on the throne, her head resting on her head, looking at the ground without seeing. She stifles a yawn. Your old lute lies discared in a corner. > You examine the lute It's the lute you used to play for the mistress, to lull her to sleep. One of the strings seems to be missing. > You take the lute Taken. > You attach the line to the lute With programmed bravado, you lace the fishing line onto the lute, making it into a working lute again. > You examine the queen Fairy beauty is a thing of wonder - it has turned her sadness into hauntingly beautiful melancholia. Her hair has taken on the color of late autumn leaves, already a hint of the dead brown of winter. Her eyes are deep pools, with a fire hidden deep inside - a lone light seen on in farmhouse far away on a starless night. And miles to go. She has one of her hands stubbornly clenched around something. > You ask the queen about yourself "I will not listen to the words of that old fool", she says with hatred both practiced and tired, "tell him if he comes, he doesn't need to speak, but maybe he wants his one symbol of courage back." She clenches her fist even tighter, and some shadow of the past runs across her mind. > Play lute The queen listens to the music. "Oh yes, all those songs...". She blinks, heavy with sleep, and after a few more old lullabies she's fast asleep.She opens here hand, and an old crystal, black as a spider's eye, rolls from it. > You examine it (assuming you mean the crystal) This is one of the crystal of which the eye of the giant spider was made. > You eat it (assuming you mean the crystal) You can't eat the crystal. > You break it (assuming you mean the crystal) Venting your frustrations on the crystal won't accomplish much. > Play lute You play a few tunes.

[Themes: Fairy tale, Fantasy, steampunk] > Look around The queen lies sleeping on her throne. She snores a little. > You go to the south-west You take careful steps on cracked marble tiles. The absurdly high walls of the castle around you guide the eye towards the small set of steps to the northeast. > You enter the portal This room is a still life, its topics neglect. The tapestries, once colorful and moving, have bleached to the quality of distant memories. Highback chairs and tables catch dust dutifully. A red, shimmering portal wavers in the middle of the room, created by powerful magic and yet under attack constantly by the laws of the earth and sky, wishing it out of existence. The king sits here in a corner, him and time watching each other pass silently. > You give Crystal to the king "Ah yes" says the king, and suddenly you see something in his eyes that makes you remember how he could command armies and silence rooms with just a glance. He strokes his beard. "She kept the spider's eye. All is clear, I hope." He stands up, this sad king of a fallen kingdom, and as he pats his clothes, he engulfs himself in an almost comical cloud of dust. "Lead me to her, clockwork boy. You've done well." He pats you on the bronze of your head. > You enter the portal This room is a still life, its topics neglect. The tapestries, once colorful and moving, have bleached to the quality of distant memories. Highback chairs and tables catch dust dutifully. A red, shimmering portal wavers in the middle of the room, created by powerful magic and yet under attack constantly by the laws of the earth and sky, wishing it out of existence. The king sits here in a corner, him and time watching each other pass silently. He has the crystal. > You go portal Ocean laps at the sand beneath you. You are on a drawbridge, leading north towards a cozy, but somewhat decripit castle on a small peninsula. A misplaced red portal hovers in the air. The King follows you. > Go north You arrive at the castle gates, made of bright wood and inlaid with scenes of festivity and hospitality. An eastward path leads to the shore, the same path cuts westward around the castle wall, and the aforementioned gate leads north. The King follows you. > Go north You take careful steps on cracked marble tiles. The absurdly high walls of the castle around you guide the eye towards the small set of steps to the northeast. The King follows you. > You go to the northeast The queen lies sleeping on her throne. She snores a little. The King follows you. As the king enters, the queen wakes, as if startled from a nightmare. He slowly walks up to her throne and gets on one knee. The jar suddenly shatters in your hands, and the mighty phoenix is free! It flutters a few feet, bows to king and queen, gives you a sharp look, and finally rests in a corner. "So..." she says slowly, "You came..." and the heavy burden lifts from her chest like a huge and terribly beast, now harmless, and you can almost see it fleeing through the open doors. Slowly, she stands up and takes a few steps down the stairs and puts a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at her. "How could I waste so much time, dear? How could I be so terribly selfish and stupid?" She strokes his hair for a long time, while he hangs his head, sobbing quietly. Then she looks up. "We will have to rebuild this kingdom. We will have to get new servants and officials. Oh, all the work..." And suddenly, she looks old again. Then the king gets up, puts one arm around her, and looks straight at you. " Will you help us ... as our son?"

[Themes: Horror, based on songs] --and I stumbled backward, my throat deeply slashed, my life's blood draining away as I fell into darkness-- Track 11 of Apollo 18+20: The IF Tribute Album --dark...and light...and...red... ...so red... Shattered glass on polished marble; a spray of my reddest blood in a piercing shaft of moonlight. Beyond...I narrowed my eyes, straining to penetrate the darkness-- ...busts...busted heads...heds on peds...headestals... Losing blood fast, I tried to make sense of-- --rows upon rows of pale, lifeless, life-like busts of stately heads on fluted headestals, all different, yet oddly alike--

> You look at what you're carrying with you I was empty-handed. > About yourself Searing pain, a red haze clouding my vision within and without: my throat slashed, my head nearly severed, I clung to life by the fraying cable of my will. > You examine the heads The ranks of stately busts receded into the gloom in all directions. Those on the headestals nearest me appeared to depict the March of Progress: the headestal of a stern King was nearest to where I stood. To the left of the King's resting place, I saw a famous Prime Minister, stately and opulent, and beyond her a modern Head of State...and to the right, a scarred and tattooed Witch's head, and on the headestal beyond that primitive wise woman...an ape, some antediluvian chieftain. The oddest thing, in a gallery of historical busts...all their eyes were closed. > You look at ape The animal's face was creased with the unmistakable lines of wisdom and long duty: a sagacious sovereign from our race's distant, forgotten ancestry. No. These heads were pale, but not stone. Not busts. True heads, real, living heads, preserved in deathless stillness by some arcane art. > You look at Witch A shrewd and shriveled crone, her face scarred and tattooed with a pattern of dots and lines. > You look at the king The pale king's grim visage betokened the rule of might. > You examine the head of the State A determined, stately countenance. > You wear witch (first taking the Witch's Head) I moved to take the Witch's Head, but my legs gave way, and instead I tumbled to the floor, my skull striking something quite unyielding on the way down. My vision blurred and darkened-- ...for the last time? I wondered... --and then my senses slowly surged back, like a drowning ocean wave receding. A dull thump...something hard and round had fallen into my hands. > Inventory I was carrying an Ape's Head. > About yourself Searing pain, a red haze clouding my vision within and without: my throat slashed, my head nearly severed, I clung to life by the fraying cable of my will.

[Themes: Horror] > You describe your surroundings Shattered glass on polished marble; a spray of my reddest blood in a piercing shaft of moonlight. All around were rows of pale, lifeless, life-like busts of stately heads on fluted headestals, all different, yet oddly alike. And at the periphery I could see one small doorway leading out. > You examine the heads The ranks of stately busts receded into the gloom in all directions. Those on the headestals nearest me appeared to depict the March of Progress: I had fallen against the headestal of a stern King. To the left of the King's resting place, I saw a famous Prime Minister, stately and opulent, and beyond her a modern Head of State...and to the right, a scarred and tattooed Witch's head, and on the headestal beyond that primitive wise woman...a place even for an ape, some antediluvian chieftain. The oddest thing, in a gallery of historical busts...all their eyes were closed. > You look at the door One doorway leading out into...darkness. > You wear Ape I put on the Ape's Head. Somehow it seemed the right -- the only -- thing to do. I raised the pale head to my throat, nestled it in the gaping wound beside my own. At once I felt it seizing my flesh, drinking in my blood-- --an instant of crazy double vision...looking myself in the eye, before my weakening eyes fluttered shut at last-- --the old head falling like an autumn leaf, the blade barely needed, barely, barely-- --done all I could...the New Ones come-- A polished cave of the New Ones: silent tomb of living Deadfathers. Uncountable pale heads on little ivory menhirs. Blood and ice...no, glass...on the hard stone floor. A moon-hole above let in fresh forest air, too. The nearest menhir was streaked with blood where the stranger had fallen against it. > You examine the glass A remnant of the shattered skylight: a long, curved shard of broken glass, like a dagger. > You examine the stranger I knew him... ...no, the flicker of identification was gone. A stranger. The head's agony was fading as its vitality ebbed. > Inventory I was carrying a long shard of broken glass and the stranger's head. > You put the stranger's head on menhir I put the stranger's head on the nearest menhir. --slowly, the skin grew pale; the face relaxed. Now the stranger was one of us. > You examine the heads Little ivory menhirs, like rows of tree stumps after a fire. Each with its Deadfather's Head. So many...and all of them New Ones. All but me. > You look at the king The pale king's grim visage betokened the rule of might. > You examine Witch Oooo...! It was her! My Star Pupil, my little New One successor. She saved me...us...her crazy dream, she made it come true-- > You examine the stranger's head The stranger's head was pale and still. > You examine the head of the State A determined, stately countenance. > About yourself A second life! But wearing the body of a New One. No tail, no proper hinds...at least I still had my own face, my own eyes and teeth and mind! > You look at the blood Blood dappled the floor, bright red in the white moonlight. > You examine the skylight Just overhead, the broken moon-hole smelled of freedom. > Go up I leaped for the moon-hole. In my own body it would have been easy; in this new body it was too far above me. > You exit The doorway...smelled of worse troubles. Better not. > Smell door The dark doorway smelled of worse troubles. > You climb the menhir I got onto the nearest menhir. > Go upwards I leaped from the menhir toward the moon-hole. I touched the ceiling easily...but much too far from the hole's rim.

[Themes: Horror] > You look around A polished cave of the New Ones: silent tomb of living Deadfathers. Uncountable pale heads on little ivory menhirs. Blood and ice...no, glass...on the hard stone floor. A moon-hole above let in fresh forest air, too. The nearest menhir was streaked with blood. On the nearest menhir was the stranger's head. > Go up I leaped for the moon-hole. In my own body it would have been easy; in this new body it was too far above me. > You examine menhir A little ivory menhir, streaked with blood. On the nearest menhir was the stranger's head.

[Themes: Horror, based on songs] > You go upwards I leaped from my perch atop the blood-streaked menhir, easily caught the moon-hole's rim and swung myself up and out. Dark shadows and bright moonlight; the little sounds and smells of freedom. From the hole leading down I thought I heard all those heads...the sleeping Deadfathers of my Longchildren... calling to me, please don't leave-- > You listen I thought I could hear those myriad heads quietly singing to me. > Go north The forest called to me. I walked toward the dark trees... --but after all, what more could I give out there? I led our race out of the darkness...isn't that the glow of city lights beyond the trees? I've done enough. I returned to the hole, and after a long last look at the trees, I climbed back down. > You remove the head (the Ape's Head) No. This body could not withstand another transfer so soon. Not for a year... ...at least.. > Yes --and I stumbled backward, my throat deeply slashed, my life's blood draining away as I fell into darkness-- Track 11 of Apollo 18+20: The IF Tribute Album --dark...and light...and...red... ...so red... Shattered glass on polished marble; a spray of my reddest blood in a piercing shaft of moonlight. Beyond...I narrowed my eyes, straining to penetrate the darkness-- ...busts...busted heads...heds on peds...headestals... Losing blood fast, I tried to make sense of-- --rows upon rows of pale, lifeless, life-like busts of stately heads on fluted headestals, all different, yet oddly alike-- > You take King I moved to take the King's Head, but my legs gave way, and instead I tumbled to the floor, my skull striking something quite unyielding on the way down. My vision blurred and darkened-- ...for the last time? I wondered... --and then my senses slowly surged back, like a drowning ocean wave receding. A dull thump...something hard and round had fallen into my hands. > You put Ape on the headestal I put the head on a nearby column. > You look at what you're carrying with you I was empty-handed. > You wear King (first taking the King's Head) I tried to reach the King's Head, but I did not have the strength to move from where I lay. > About yourself Searing pain, a red haze clouding my vision within and without: my throat slashed, my head nearly severed, I clung to life by the fraying cable of my will. > You look at the busts The ranks of stately busts receded into the gloom in all directions. Those on the headestals nearest me appeared to depict the March of Progress: I had fallen against the headestal of a stern King. To the left of the King's resting place, I saw a famous Prime Minister, stately and opulent, and beyond her a modern Head of State...and to the right, a scarred and tattooed Witch's head, and on the headestal beyond that primitive wise woman...an ape, some antediluvian chieftain. The oddest thing, in a gallery of historical busts...all their eyes were closed. > Go upward I strained for the edge of the shattered skylight, but it was hopelessly beyond my reach. > You wear your head (my original head) I was already wearing that. > Doff head (my original head) I put my hands to my throat. The cord holding my head to my body seemed but a thread. Little enough blood and air could cross that gulf...best to make a clean break-- Then I can put myself on a pedestal, I thought with frantic amusment, and see about putting a tourniquet around my neck! Wait, what am I forgetting-- --falling, tumbling-- > Roll (the long shard of broken glass) Nothing obvious happened. > You cut Ape Cutting that up would achieve little. > You take the glass I picked up the largest shard of glass. > You cut yourself I put the shard of glass to my throat. The cord holding my head to my body seemed but a thread. Little enough blood and air could cross that gulf...best to make a clean break-- Then I can put myself on a pedestal, I thought with frantic amusment, and see about putting a tourniquet around my neck! Wait, what am I forgetting-- --falling, tumbling-- > You wake king That seemed unnecessary. > You take King I moved to take the King's Head, but my legs gave way, and instead I tumbled to the floor, my skull striking something quite unyielding on the way down. My vision blurred and darkened-- ...for the last time? I wondered... --and then my senses slowly surged back, like a drowning ocean wave receding. A dull thump...something hard and round had fallen into my hands. > Inventory I was carrying an Ape's Head. > You look at Ape The animal's face was creased with the unmistakable lines of wisdom and long duty: a sagacious sovereign from our race's distant, forgotten ancestry. > You wear Ape I put on the Ape's Head. Somehow it seemed the right -- the only -- thing to do. I raised the pale head to my throat, nestled it in the gaping wound beside my own. At once I felt it seizing my flesh, drinking in my blood-- --an instant of crazy double vision...looking myself in the eye, before my weakening eyes fluttered shut at last-- --the old head falling like an autumn leaf, the blade barely needed, barely, barely-- --done all I could...the New Ones come-- A polished cave of the New Ones: silent tomb of living Deadfathers. Uncountable pale heads on little ivory menhirs. Blood and ice...no, glass...on the hard stone floor. A moon-hole above let in fresh forest air, too. The nearest menhir was streaked with blood where the stranger had fallen against it. > You take Witch Taken. > You check your inventory I was carrying a long shard of broken glass and a Witch's Head and the stranger's head. > You examine Witch 's head It's Star Pupil, my little New One successor. > Attack witch Never! > You take the heads They were hardly portable. > You wear Witch 's head No. This body could not withstand another transfer so soon. Not for a year... ...at least.. > You check your inventory I was carrying a long shard of broken glass and a Head of State's Head, a Prime Minister's Head, a King's Head, a Witch's Head, and the stranger's head.

[Themes: Horror, based on songs] > Look around Dark shadows and bright moonlight; the little sounds and smells of freedom. From the hole leading down I thought I heard all those heads...the sleeping Deadfathers of my Longchildren... calling to me, please don't leave--

[Themes: Horror, based on songs] > Look around Hall of Heads (on the nearest menhir) A polished cave of the New Ones: silent tomb of living Deadfathers. Uncountable pale heads on little ivory menhirs. Blood and ice...no, glass...on the hard stone floor. A moon-hole above let in fresh forest air, too.

[Themes: Mystery, noir, detective] The IBS Radio Network presents... (You may type "HELP" at any time for hints, credits or just general information about this game.) Tonight's drama: The Case of the Missing Playboy! Sponsored by Muskrat Cigarettes. Folks, do you know that four out of five doctors recommend Muskrat Cigarettes for their patients who smoke? It's true! That's because Muskrat Cigarettes have been clinically proven to taste better, smoke smoother, and improve respiratory health! So the next time you crave a good smoke, choose Muskrat Cigarettes! You'll be glad you did. And now for Act I of tonight's drama.... It was an afternoon much like any other afternoon. I was alone in my office. It seems I was always alone. Business had been slow. I was reduced to practicing my witty banter with my friends Jack and Daniel. Unfortunately for me, they weren't very much for conversation. We'd been conversing just long enough that I was beginning to feel that my banter really WAS witty. But not so much that I was beginning to think they'd talk back. You are Sam Fortune, a private investigator who, at the moment, has very little to investigate. Your office is on the fifth floor of a crummy old office building in the lower east side. There is a single dingy window in the west wall, directly opposite the only door. The sun streaming throught the Venetian blinds traces bars across the desk that sits in the middle of the room. Bars like the bars of a prison cell. On the wooden desk are a bottle of whiskey and a telephone. A battered old filing cabinet stands in the corner. An old desk chair sits behind the desk. A plain guest chair is strategically placed in front of the desk. [Author's Note: The IBS Radio Network presents... Sam Fortune - Private Investigator A transcribed drama filled with suspense and adventure broadcast weekly over this IBS affiliate. Tonight's drama: The Case of the Missing Playboy! Sponsored by Muskrat Cigarettes. NOTE This game is told in a series of scenes, just like a radio drama. Each scene is independent from the one before in the sense that it is impossible to put the game in an unwinnable state by not having done something in an earlier scene. There are several ways to lose this game and there are a few timed puzzles. Saving when advised should avoid undue frustration. UNDO is always an option. Feel free to use it liberally. Small parts of this game deliberately rank "Nasty" on the Zarfian scale but this is only true within each self-contained scene, not for the game at large, and a full in-game HELP system is available should you get stuck.]

[Themes: Mystery, noir, detective] > About yourself Sam Fortune, private investigator and all American sap, is a pretty nice specimen if you do say so yourself. Six feet tall with broad shoulders and a jaw that could have been cut from a block of stone. It's no wonder that the dames go for you. If you were a dame, you would too. > You look through the window Peering through the filthy grime reveals very little. Just the same old lonely street in the same old lonely part of town. > You examine bottle Tennessee's finest. Comfort in a bottle. > Exits The obvious exits are east and outside. (Use EXITS ON to enable the status line exit lister and EXITS OFF to turn it off.) > You look at the desk (the wooden desk) It's a very plain wooden desk with a single shabby drawer. Someday perhaps you'll be able to afford mahogany. > You open the drawer (the desk drawer) It's locked. Now if only you could remember where you put that key. > You look under desk (the wooden desk) You find nothing of interest. > You look at the cabinet (the filing cabinet) The filing cabinet stands in the corner of the office. It has two drawers: a top drawer, and (you guessed it, pal) a bottom drawer. This is where you keep all your important files. In other words, it's mostly empty. > You open the top drawer You open the top drawer of the filing cabinet, revealing some file folders marked A to M. > You examine the folder k. You see several file folders marked A to M in nearly alphabetical order. Thumbing to the file marked "K" you look inside and retrieve a small key which you place in your pocket.

[Themes: Mystery, detective] > You look around Your office is on the fifth floor of a crummy old office building in the lower east side. There is a single dingy window in the west wall, directly opposite the only door. The sun streaming throught the Venetian blinds traces bars across the desk that sits in the middle of the room. Bars like the bars of a prison cell. On the wooden desk are a bottle of whiskey and a telephone. A battered old filing cabinet stands in the corner. An old desk chair sits behind the desk. A plain guest chair is strategically placed in front of the desk. > You unlock the drawer with the key (the desk drawer with the small key) You unlock the desk drawer. > You open the drawer (the desk drawer) You open the desk drawer, revealing a revolver. > You look at the revolver Your best friend. It's just a shame that you don't actually have any bullets. Still, it's amazing how people can react to the mere sight of a heater. > You take it Just as soon as you pick up the revolver there is a quiet rap at the door. You quickly put the revolver in your pocket. "Yeah. Come on in. The door's unlocked." The door opens and in walks a tall redhead with a knockout figure in the kind of outfit that shouts class. "Are you Sam Fortune?" "That's what it says on my birth certificate, doll. And just who might you be?" "My name is Irene Scarlet." "It's a pleasure, sweetheart. Why don't you have a seat?" "Thank you, Mr. Fortune." > You examine irene Irene Scarlet is quite a dish. Her red hair cascades about her shoulders in gentle waves. She wears a fashionably cut dress which shows off her delicious figure in a most delightful way. > You sit on the desk chair You get onto the desk chair. > You close the door That's already closed. > You ask Irene about Irene [Use TALK TO to interact with characters.] > You talk to Irene Turning to Irene you say, "Hello there." She gives you one of those looks that makes you think she likes what she sees. Self-consciously you slide the bottle inside the desk drawer before getting down to business. [1] Ask her to have dinner with you. [2] Ask her what she wants. > 1 "So, sweetheart, I hope I'm not being too forward but perhaps sometime you and I could get together over a nice hot meal. You interested?" Irene smiles just a little and says, "Perhaps some other time, Mr. Fortune, but just now I'm afraid that I'm here on business." [1] Ask her what she wants. > 1 "So what brings a nice up-class dame like you to my little office?" "You're a private investigator aren't you?" "That's what it says on my license." "Well, I was hoping that I might use your services. You see, a friend of mine has gone missing." [1] Ask Irene about herself. [2] Ask about her friend. [3] Tell Irene your rates. > 1 "So tell me a little about yourself. How do you fit into this picture." "Well, Mr. Fortune, my father is James Scarlet, the founder of Scarlet Herring, one of the more successful fishing operations in this town." "Oh THAT Irene Scarlet!" "Yes. That Irene Scarlet. Anyway, I've been friends with Bob for a very long time and when he didn't show up for our lunch appointment today I got worried. That's why I came to see you." [1] Ask about her friend. [2] Tell Irene your rates. > 1 "Well, Red, tell me about this missing friend of yours." "His name is Bob Watterson. He and I go way back. He's one of the local society set. Anyway, we were out dancing at the Top Cat Club last night with some of our friends. Toward the end of the evening it looked as if something was bothering him but he wouldn't say what it was. I didn't think much of it until today. We had agreed to meet for lunch but," stifling the merest hint of a sob, "but he never showed up! "Oh, Sam, I know you think I'm probably being silly but I'm worried about him. He never misses a lunch date and I'm just sure something has heppend to him. Say you'll help me find him." [1] Ask if she's gone to the police. [2] Tell Irene your rates. [3] Agree to take the case. [4] Decline the case. > 2 "I charge $25 a day plus expenses. But I don't suppose that would be a problem for a dame like you." Irene says rather gravely, "No. That will be fine." [1] Ask if she's gone to the police. [2] Agree to take the case. [3] Decline the case. > 1 "So, sister, something's puzzling me. Why come to me? Why not just go to the cops?" "Well, Mr. Fortune, first of all, it's only been a few hours and I was afraid that they wouldn't take me seriously with him only being missing for such a short time." "Yeah, I guess that figures. Go on." "And I was hoping to keep this kind of quiet. My family gets enough exposure as it is. That's what comes from having money. If I were to go to the police, well, I was afraid that the papers might catch wind of it." "And you'd find your name plastered all over the society pages... again." "Precisely." [1] Agree to take the case. [2] Decline the case. > 2 After considering the matter you decide that you'd rather not get mixed up in all of this. "No dice, Red. I'm afraid that I'm just too busy to get mixed up with the upper crust these days. You see, I'm strictly a meat and potatoes kind of guy and all that champagne and caviar just doesn't agree with me. So if you'll kindly close the door on your way out, I'll return to my business." Irene looks shocked and for a minute a look of panic crosses her face before she... Your mother reaches over and switches off the radio. "I think that's enough radio for today. It's bed time and besides, all of that junk just rots your brain anyway."

[Themes: Mystery, noir] > You look around [You're still in the middle of a conversation. I need some kind of reaction from you to continue the scene. Enter a number, or say REPEAT to reacquaint yourself with your options.] > You repeat The available options are: [1] Agree to take the case. [2] Decline the case. > 1 "Sure, sweetheart. Don't worry, kid. I'll find him. You run along and I'll be in touch." Irene gets up and says "Thank you so much, Mr. Fortune." before giving you a small wad of bills for expenses and telling you her phone number. Then she gracefully heads for the door. On her way out she pauses and looks over her shoulder for a second, giving you a brief look at her misty blue eyes. Then, she closes the door and she's gone. "Well, Sam," you say to yourself. "Looks like you're gonna be dining at the Top Cat Club tonight." > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: expense money a revolver a small key > You look at the money A small roll of money which Irene gave you with which to pay your expenses. It's not a lot but it should be enough for now.

[Themes: Mystery, detective] > You look around Sam's Office (on the desk chair) Your office is on the fifth floor of a crummy old office building in the lower east side. There is a single dingy window in the west wall, directly opposite the only door. The sun streaming throught the Venetian blinds traces bars across the desk that sits in the middle of the room. Bars like the bars of a prison cell. On the wooden desk is a telephone. A battered old filing cabinet stands in the corner. A plain guest chair is strategically placed in front of the desk. > You stand You get off the desk chair. There is a single dingy window in the west wall, directly opposite the only door. The sun streaming throught the Venetian blinds traces bars across the desk that sits in the middle of the room. Bars like the bars of a prison cell. On the wooden desk is a telephone. A battered old filing cabinet stands in the corner. An old desk chair sits behind the desk. A plain guest chair is strategically placed in front of the desk. > You open the bottom drawer You open the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, revealing some file folders marked N to Z. > You examine folder t. You see a handful of file folders marked N to Z in mostly alphabetical order. You thumb through a few of the folders but nothing really catches your interest at the moment. Perhaps if you knew what you were looking for this would yield better results. > You examine the folder south You see a handful of file folders marked N to Z in mostly alphabetical order. You thumb idly through a few of the folders before deciding that there really isn't anything helpful to your current situation. > You look at the folder west You see a handful of file folders marked N to Z in mostly alphabetical order. You thumb through a few of the folders but nothing really catches your interest at the moment. > You take the folders Which do you mean, the file folders marked A to M or the file folders marked N to Z? > Go north You had better leave those there. It took you nearly a full day the last time you had to sort them and you'd hate to have to do it again. > You take the phone Picking up the telephone you pause to consider your options. [1] Call Clancy at the 21st precinct. [2] Call the Times. [3] Call Irene. [4] Call the Top Cat Club. [5] Hang up. > 4 You pick up the reciever and ask the operator to connect you to the Top Cat Club. In a minute you hear the whiney voice of the French ma?tre d'. "Ziz is zee Top Cat Club. Can eye help you, monsieur?" [1] Ask when they're open. [2] Ask about a reservation. [3] Hang up. > 1 Hey, pal. Can you tell me when you're open tonight?" "Oui, monsieur. We are open from seven until two am." "Thanks." [1] Ask about a reservation. [2] Hang up. > 1 "Listen. I'd like to book a table for tonight." "Oh non, non, non. I am very sorry, monsieur, but we are very busy tonight. We do not take any more reservations for tonight. But if monsieur would care to come to zee club, I am sure zat zere will be space at zee bar." "Yeah. I may do that. Thanks." [1] Hang up. > 1 You put the receiver back on its cradle. > Go west The door is in the east wall, opposite the window. > Go east I left my office, walked down the four flights of stairs, headed outside and hailed a cab. I figured that if I wanted to get to the bottom of this, I'd need to go to where it all started. A few minutes later, the cab pulled up in front of a gleaming white high-rise building with one of those awnings over the revolving door. You know the kind. The kind that makes it seem like you're walking into the snout of an extremely large anteater. I took the elevator up to the 15th floor and found myself standing outside the entrance to Tony Gabriele's famous Top Cat Club, the most upscale dinner club in town. It was time to earn my daily bread. [This might be a good time to save your game.] The waiting area is done up in the art deco style, all white and silver. Beside the club entrance is a lectern where the ma?tre d' is greeting customers and checking reservations. On the lectern is a round white logo with the silhouette of a cat wearing a top hat. Peeking through the crowd, it's clear that the joint is jumpin' tonight. When you're ready to leave, the elevator awaits you to the south. The club itself is to the north. You can see some customers, the ma?tre d' and a lectern here. > You examine the maitre The ma?tre d' is a snobby-looking bean pole with a wispy mustache. He wears a tuxedo with a small nametag that indicates that he wishes to be called "Jean Claude".

[Themes: Mystery] > You look at your surroundings The waiting area is done up in the art deco style, all white and silver. Beside the club entrance is a lectern where the ma?tre d' is greeting customers and checking reservations. On the lectern is a round white logo with the silhouette of a cat wearing a top hat. Peeking through the crowd, it's clear that the joint is jumpin' tonight. When you're ready to leave, the elevator awaits you to the south. The club itself is to the north. You can see some customers, Jean Claude and a lectern here. > You talk to Jean Claude "Oui, monsieur. My name is Jean Claude. 'Ow may I 'elp you?" [1] Ask for a table. [2] Ask about Bob Watterson. [3] Say goodbye. > 2 You step in close and speak quietly so as not to be overheard. "I'm looking for a man named Bob Watterson. Do you know him?" "Oui, monsieur. I know 'im very well. 'e comes 'ere most frequently." [1] Ask for a table. [2] Ask when he saw him last. [3] Ask if he knows anything about him. [4] Say goodbye. > 3 "What do you know about this guy?" "'e comes 'ere very frequently this last few weeks. Sometimes it is with Miss Scarlet. Sometimes it is alone. I see 'im all ze time." "Thanks. Can you tell me any more about him? Do you know where he lives? What he does?" "Non. Pardon me. I do not meddle with ze affairs of ze customers." "Yeah. I get it. Thanks anyway, bub." [1] Ask for a table. [2] Ask when he saw him last. [3] Say goodbye. > 2 "When did you last see him?" "I saw 'im just last night, monsieur. It was with Miss Scarlet I think. Zat is usually who 'e is with." [1] Ask for a table. [2] Say goodbye. > 1 "I'd like a table for one." "Oh non, non, non. I am very sorry, monsieur, but we are very busy tonight. We do not 'ave any more tables for tonight. But we do 'ave space at ze bar. [1] Say goodbye. > 1 "Thanks, bub." "Eet is my pleasure, monsieur." > You get it That's fixed in place. > You go to the north You have to admit that this place is pretty swank. Like the lobby, it's all done up in art deco white and gleaming silver. The cavernous room is filled with tables, which in turn are filled with the upper-crustiest crumbs in this crummy city. There are so many tuxedos it looks like a penguin convention, and enough feathers to defrock a flock of ostriches. The central focus of the club is the dance floor, just south of the stage, which fills the entire north wall of the room. There is a small backstage door in the north wall, just to the side of the stage. A guy about the size of Mt. Rushmore guards the door. The bar is to the east. The lobby is south. You can see the backstage door, the stage, some customers, some tables, some dancers and a guard here. Someone at one of the far tables sings Happy Birthday. You hear the sound of someone opening the backstage door. The band stops playing and the bandleader steps up to the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen. Once again, the Top Cat Club is proud to present the star of our show, Miss Ginger Andrews!" The crowd erupts into applause, the lights go down, a spotlight illuminates the stage door and the most stunning blonde you have ever seen steps into the light, sashays over to center stage and proceeds to make love to the microphone. > You look at Ginger Wow! What a dish! Ginger Andrews is perhaps the most stunning blond you have ever seen. She stands about five foot seven and every inch a woman. She wears a glittering backless dress with a plunging neckline that barely conceals an ample bosom. Her blue eyes are dazzling. And her shapely legs... Wow! Ginger's voice is heavenly as she sings a number from the Hit Parade. > You look at the guard This guy looks like someone cross-bred a gorilla with a pit bull. Ginger holds every man spellbound as she reaches the climax of a devilishly provocative number. > You look at the customers The place is packed with tuxedo wearing men and glittering women. Brother, that Ginger dame can really sing. > You examine the backstage door You see nothing special about the backstage door. Ginger brings the crowd to tears with a steamy love song. When Ginger's act comes to a close the spotlight goes out, the audience applauds, the house lights go back up, and Ginger begins working the room, moving from one fat-cat to another. It's very clear what every man in the room wants and she's all too happy to dangle it in front of them without giving them any of it. > You talk to the customers You strike up a conversation with some of the customers and try to steer it towards your missing man but it soon becomes apparent that this line is getting you nowhere. These guys aren't regulars. All eyes are on Ginger as she passes between the tables. > You talk to Ginger Prying Ginger away from her adoring public you flash her what you hope is your most charming smile and say, "Hello there, beautiful. My name is Sam. Got a minute?" Ginger looks you over and says "Why not? Shoot, tough guy. What's on your mind? I mean besides that." [1] Compliment her singing. [2] Compliment her looks. [3] Ask her out. [4] Ask her about Bob. [5] Say goodbye. The band plays something from the Hit Parade. > 1 "You have a very healthy set of lungs there, baby. Where'd you learn to sing like that?" "Sunday school, Sam. Sunday school." "Well you obviously had a first rate teacher." "That's very kind of you to say so, Sam." [1] Compliment her looks. [2] Ask her out. [3] Ask her about Bob. [4] Say goodbye. Someone in the back of the club laughs loudly. > 1 "Baby, you are some piece of work. With a face like yours, I bet you have to circle the wagons whenever you so much as step outside." She smiles and says, "Flattery will get you everywhere, mister. You aren't so bad yourself." [1] Ask her out. [2] Ask her about Bob. [3] Say goodbye. One of the couples in the club starts to argue but it quickly passes. > 2 "Hey, sweetheart, I'm looking for a friend of mine. His name's Bob Watterson. You know him?" "Who Bobby? Sure, I know him." She looks a little put off. You can't tell if it's because she's upset that you're not talking about her or if it's because she doesn't want to discuss her relationship with Bob. "Seen him around?" "Not for a while. Hey, I barely know the guy. Let's talk about you instead." You let her steer the conversation back around to your favorite topic for a while: Sam Fortune. It's plain that she's an expert when it comes to stroking a man's ego. [1] Ask her out. [2] Say goodbye. Someone from the crowd bumps into you and apologizes before continuing on. > 1 "What time do you get off? How about you and me go somewhere for a drink?" "I'd like that, Sam, but tonight's bad for me. Come by tomorrow and ask me again will ya?" "Sure, kid. You bet." [1] Say goodbye. There is a brief lull in the music and the dancers return to their seats before the music starts and more take their places. > 1 "See you around sweetheart." "Oh I'm sure you will, Sam. At least I certainly hope so." Ginger flashes a brilliant smile at a portly man who is old enough to be her father. It looks like he'll go home happy. > You enter backstage You can't, since the backstage door is in the way. Every man in the room watches as Ginger moves to another table. > You open backstage Man-mountain over there doesn't say a word, but he doesn't let you open the door either. If you want to get backstage, you'll have to somehow get rid of the guard. A customer laughs at one of Ginger's jokes. > You look at the tables It looks like business is booming. Not a single table remains vacant. Ginger briefly dances with one of the customers before returning him to his previous partner. > You talk to the guard You attempt to start a conversation with the guard but it quickly becomes obvious that conversation isn't his forte. Ginger's jewelry sparkles as she passes one of the stage lights. > You go east On the east side of the club, set back from the main area, is the bar area. It's almost as crowded as the rest of the joint but there's still enough room for you to slide up next to the bar. You can see the stage, some customers, a bar (on which is a nut bowl (in which are lots of beer nuts)) and the bartender here. Ginger pauses to chat with a customer. > You get the beer nuts You grab a handful of nuts from the bowl. Ginger's jewelry sparkles as she passes one of the stage lights. > You talk to the bartender "Hi friend. Name's Jack. What can I get you?" [1] Ask for a drink. [2] Ask about Bob Watterson. [3] Ask about Tony. [4] Say goodbye. The band is playing some up-tempo dance number. > 1 You consider asking Jack for a drink but then you think better of it. The last time you drank on the job you nearly wound up taking out a reservation in the city morgue. [1] Ask about Bob Watterson. [2] Ask about Tony. [3] Say goodbye. Someone from the crowd bumps into you and apologizes before continuing on. > 1 "I'm looking for a guy named Bob Watterson. Ever heard of him?" "Yeah. Sure. I know him. Real snooty society guy right?" "That's the one." [1] Ask when he saw him last. [2] Ask if he knows anything about him. [3] Ask about Tony. [4] Say goodbye. One of the couples in the club starts to argue but it quickly passes. > 1 "When did you see him last?" "He was here last night. He's here a lot actually. He bought a river of drinks for Ginger." [1] Ask if he knows anything about him. [2] Ask about Ginger. [3] Ask about Tony. [4] Say goodbye. The band plays something from the Hit Parade. > 1 "What do you know about him?" "I see him a lot. He hangs around with the society set. Irene Scarlett and her friends." "So I hear. Can you tell me any details? Do you know where he lives? What he does?" "I think he has a penthouse apartment downtown somewhere. I don't think he does much of anything other than spend his old man's money." "You know who his 'old man' is?" "Naw. I just assumed he had one." "Yeah. Don't we all? Thanks, Jack." [1] Ask about Ginger. [2] Ask about Tony. [3] Say goodbye. There is a brief lull in the music and the dancers return to their seats before the music starts and more take their places. > 1 "So what's the story with this Ginger dame?" "Quite the looker isn't she?" "Yeah. But can you tell me what she was doing with Bob last night?" "Other than accepting the drinks he bought her?" "Well, for instance, are they an item?" "What? Ginger and that guy? That'll be the day. Perhaps he thought so but I don't think she ever did." [1] Ask about Tony. [2] Say goodbye. Someone in the back of the club laughs loudly. > 1 "So you been working here long?" "A few months." "Like it?" "Yeah. It's alright. It pays well and I get to enjoy the floor show every night. I can't complain." "This place is owned by Tony Gabriele isn't it? I hear he's a nice guy to work for. That true?" "Sure. Mr. Gabriele is good people. I don't care what anybody says. He might be a little peculiar but he takes care of his own. But look, Mack, what's it to you?" "Just curious. Who knows? I might want to work for him someday myself." "You thinking of taking up bar tending?" "Naw. Don't worry, Jack. You're job's safe." [1] Ask what he means by peculiar. [2] Say goodbye. The band is playing some up-tempo dance number. > 1 "When you say Tony's peculiar, just what do you mean?" "Hey. You're gettin' awful nosey. Ain'tcha?" "I'm just naturally curious is all." "Well Mr. Gabriele don't like people meddling in his private affairs. If you get any more nosey, I'm liable to get fired and you're liable to get worse." "Okay. I get the hint. No need to get sore. Let's talk about something else then." [1] Make with the small talk. [2] Say goodbye. Someone at one of the far tables sings Happy Birthday. > 1 "Busy night tonight." "Yeah. Ginger really packs 'em in." You go on like that for another minute or two before running out of pleasantries. [1] Say goodbye. Someone in the back of the club laughs loudly. > 1 "Thanks, Jack." "Don't mention it." Ginger pauses to chat with a customer. > You talk to Ginger Prying Ginger away from her adoring public you flash her what you hope is your most charming smile and say, "Hello there, beautiful. Got a minute?" Ginger looks you over and says "Why not? Shoot, tough guy. What's on your mind? I mean besides that." [1] Say goodbye. The band plays something from the Hit Parade. > 1 "See you around sweetheart." "Oh I'm sure you will, Sam. At least I certainly hope so." Ginger briefly dances with one of the customers before returning him to his previous partner. > You examine the bowl In the nut bowl are some beer nuts. All eyes are on Ginger as she passes between the tables. > You examine the nuts (the beer nuts) Hard, round, and saltier than a sailor. These things are designed for one purpose only: to make you wish you had ordered a drink instead. A customer laughs at one of Ginger's jokes. > You go to the west You can see the stage, some customers, Ginger Andrews, the backstage door, some tables, some dancers and a guard here. Ginger flashes a brilliant smile at a portly man who is old enough to be her father. It looks like he'll go home happy. > You give the nuts to guard The guard doesn't seem interested. Every man in the room watches as Ginger moves to another table. > You throw the nuts at the guard You throw a handful of beer nuts at the guard and they scatter everywhere. The nuts get under the feet of the dancers and they begin falling like ten pins. The guard runs over to help them back to their feet. A customer laughs at one of Ginger's jokes. > You open door You open the backstage door. Ginger flashes a brilliant smile at a portly man who is old enough to be her father. It looks like he'll go home happy. > Go inside You can't go that way. Ginger pauses to chat with a customer. > You enter backstage You're in a narrow hallway that runs behind the stage. Along the north wall is the door to what must be Ginger's dressing room. The small star with the name "Ginger" written on it provides the tip-off. To the east is a door with the word "management" written on it. That door is cracked just enough that you might be able to get a peek inside. The door that leads back to the club is to the south. You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. > You close the door Which do you mean, the dressing room door, the manager's office door or the backstage door? > Backstage You close the backstage door. > You examine the manager's door Through the crack in the door you can just make out the shapes of three men. If you listen closely you might just catch bits and snatches of their conversation. > Manager'S You hear the voices of three men. You can't make out everything they say but you are able to hear a few words here and there: "... due early tomorrow morning ... louse this up." You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > You examine the switchbox This looks like the master electrical switchbox for the club. The switchbox is currently switched on. Ginger's next act is coming up soon. She'll probably be heading back to her dressing room to get ready. You really ought to think about going back to the club soon. > You open the dressing room You open the dressing room door. You really don't have much time. Get out before you're caught! > You exit But you aren't in anything at the moment. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You go south You open the backstage door. You can see the backstage door, the stage, some customers, Ginger Andrews, some tables, some dancers and a guard here. You step through the door and right into the back of the guard. He is none too happy to see you and pushes you back into the manager's office where three more thugs are waiting. "I caught this guy nosin' 'round backstage, boss. Whatdya want I should do wit 'im?" "Thank you, Rocky. You may leave him with us and return to your post." "Duh. OK Boss." The boss pulls out a .38 and points it at your chest while one of the other thugs grabs your arms from behind. The one with the gun says, "Well look what we have here boys." The one holding your arms says, "Looks like a spy, boss." The thin one with a face like a weasel says, "And look what I found in his pocket, boss." He holds your gun. "Mickey Boy, I think you better take Mr. Nosey for a ride." Soon you find yourself shoved in the back of a black sedan. Some fifteen minutes later you find yourself on a dark pier being fitted for a new pair of cement overshoes. They're a little tight but it doesn't matter. You won't notice them for long. Just then your mother reaches over and shuts off the radio. "Honestly, Junior. I don't know why you bother filling your head with all those silly detective stories. Now get off to bed."

[Themes: Mystery] > You open the door You open the backstage door. Ginger's jewelry sparkles as she passes one of the stage lights. > You enter door You're in a narrow hallway that runs behind the stage. Along the north wall is the door to what must be Ginger's dressing room. The small star with the name "Ginger" written on it provides the tip-off. To the east is a door with the word "management" written on it. That door is cracked just enough that you might be able to get a peek inside. The door that leads back to the club is to the south. You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. > You open the dressing room You open the dressing room door. > You enter the dressing room Ginger's dressing room is a certainly a cozy place. It's only a bit bigger than a broom closet. The only entrance is the door to the south. Along the far wall sits an actor's dressing table. On the dressing table is a cigarette case (closed). In the corner sits a wastepaper basket. You can also see the dressing room door here. > You look in the basket In the wastepaper basket is a bouquet of flowers. > You look at the bouquet You see a bouquet of one dozen long stemmed red roses bearing a card which reads, "To Ginger. From your most ardent admirer: Bob." "Now ain't that just pretty." You say to yourself. "So Bobby-boy was here all right. I wonder what Miss Ginger could tell me about all of this?" > You examine Case It's a small silver cigarette case. The outside of the case is engraved with a fancy monogrammed B and W. The case is closed. You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > You examine table It's a small table with a mirror that's surrounded by lights. You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > Open Case You open the cigarette case, revealing four Muskrat cigarettes. You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > You examine the Muskrat Firm and shapely, Muskrat cigarettes are tops with smokers everywhere. There simply isn't a finer cigarette! Try one today! Ginger's next act is coming up soon. She'll probably be heading back to her dressing room to get ready. You really ought to think about going back to the club soon. > You go to the west You can't go that way. You really don't have much time. Get out before you're caught! > Go outside But you aren't in anything at the moment. You really don't have much time. Get out before you're caught! > You enter door You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. You really don't have much time. Get out before you're caught! > You turn off the switch With a big grin on your mug, you pull the switch and the lights go dark. Suddenly you hear shouting from the manager's office. "What the? Who turned off those lights!" Then you hear a door fly open, followed by the sound of running feet. Before you know what's next, three large bodies slam into you like a freight train. You're pinned to the wall and when the lights come back up your arms are held fast behind you and you find yourself staring into the barrel of a .38. The one with the gun says, "Well look what we have here boys." The one holding your arms says, "Looks like a spy, boss." The thin one with a face like a weasel says, "And look what I found in his pocket, boss." He holds your gun. "Mickey Boy, I think you better take Mr. Nosey for a ride." Soon you find yourself shoved in the back of a black sedan. Some fifteen minutes later you find yourself on a dark pier being fitted for a new pair of cement overshoes. They're a little tight but it doesn't matter. You won't notice them for long. Just then your mother reaches over and shuts off the radio. "Honestly, Junior. I don't know why you bother filling your head with all those silly detective stories. Now get off to bed." > You open backstage You open the backstage door. Ginger pauses to chat with a customer. > You enter backstage You're in a narrow hallway that runs behind the stage. Along the north wall is the door to what must be Ginger's dressing room. The small star with the name "Ginger" written on it provides the tip-off. To the east is a door with the word "management" written on it. That door is cracked just enough that you might be able to get a peek inside. The door that leads back to the club is to the south. You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. > You put the gun in the basket Yeah. I know it doesn't have any bullets but it still might come in handy. You better hold on to it. You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > You enter door You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > Manager'S You hear the voices of three men. You can't make out everything they say but you are able to hear a few words here and there: "... due early tomorrow morning ... louse this up." Ginger's next act is coming up soon. She'll probably be heading back to her dressing room to get ready. You really ought to think about going back to the club soon. > Continue "Yeah, boss. I understand." You really don't have much time. Get out before you're caught! > Continue "... see that you don't ..." Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You continue "... boys in Chicago ..." I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You keep going You're afraid that if you stay here much longer you might be caught eavesdropping. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You enter the dressing Along the far wall sits an actor's dressing table. On the dressing table is a cigarette case (closed). In the corner sits a wastepaper basket. You can also see the dressing room door here. I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You get the flowers Taken. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You put gun in the flowers Yeah. I know it doesn't have any bullets but it still might come in handy. You better hold on to it. I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You enter door You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You turn off the switch With a big grin on your mug, you pull the switch and the lights go dark. Suddenly you hear shouting from the manager's office. "What the? Who turned off those lights!" Then you hear a door fly open, followed by the sound of running feet. Before you know what's next, three large bodies slam into you like a freight train. You're pinned to the wall and when the lights come back up your arms are held fast behind you and you find yourself staring into the barrel of a .38. The one with the gun says, "Well look what we have here boys." The one holding your arms says, "Looks like a spy, boss." The thin one with a face like a weasel says, "And look what I found in his pocket, boss." He holds your gun. "Mickey Boy, I think you better take Mr. Nosey for a ride." Soon you find yourself shoved in the back of a black sedan. Some fifteen minutes later you find yourself on a dark pier being fitted for a new pair of cement overshoes. They're a little tight but it doesn't matter. You won't notice them for long. Just then your mother reaches over and shuts off the radio. "Honestly, Junior. I don't know why you bother filling your head with all those silly detective stories. Now get off to bed." > You enter backstage (the backstage door) You can't, since the backstage door is in the way. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You open backstage (the backstage door) You open the backstage door. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You enter backstage (the backstage door) You can see the backstage door, the stage, some customers, Ginger Andrews, some tables, some dancers and a guard here. You step through the door and right into the back of the guard. He is none too happy to see you and pushes you back into the manager's office where three more thugs are waiting. "I caught this guy nosin' 'round backstage, boss. Whatdya want I should do wit 'im?" "Thank you, Rocky. You may leave him with us and return to your post." "Duh. OK Boss." The boss pulls out a .38 and points it at your chest while one of the other thugs grabs your arms from behind. The one with the gun says, "Well look what we have here boys." The one holding your arms says, "Looks like a spy, boss." The thin one with a face like a weasel says, "And look what I found in his pocket, boss." He holds your gun. "Mickey Boy, I think you better take Mr. Nosey for a ride." Soon you find yourself shoved in the back of a black sedan. Some fifteen minutes later you find yourself on a dark pier being fitted for a new pair of cement overshoes. They're a little tight but it doesn't matter. You won't notice them for long. Just then your mother reaches over and shuts off the radio. "Honestly, Junior. I don't know why you bother filling your head with all those silly detective stories. Now get off to bed." > Inventory You are carrying: a bouquet of flowers expense money a revolver a small key I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You examine the manager's door Through the crack in the door you can just make out the shapes of three men. If you listen closely you might just catch bits and snatches of their conversation. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You close the manager's door That's already closed. I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! Ginger Andrews arrives from the south. Seeing you backstage, Ginger lets out a shriek. "EEEK! Who are you and just what do you think you are doing back here? This area is off limits!" "Sorry, sweetheart. I was just leaving." But before you can go, three men rush in from the manager's office. One of them pulls a gun while another grabs you from behind. The one with the gun says, "Well look what we have here boys." The one holding your arms says, "Looks like a spy, boss." The thin one with a face like a weasel says, "And look what I found in his pocket, boss." He holds your gun. "Mickey Boy, I think you better take Mr. Nosey for a ride." Soon you find yourself shoved in the back of a black sedan. Some fifteen minutes later you find yourself on a dark pier being fitted for a new pair of cement overshoes. They're a little tight but it doesn't matter. You won't notice them for long. Just then your mother reaches over and shuts off the radio. "Honestly, Junior. I don't know why you bother filling your head with all those silly detective stories. Now get off to bed." > You give the money to guard What? And leave yourself without expense money? No way, brother. Every man in the room watches as Ginger moves to another table. > You go east You can see the stage, some customers, a bar (on which is a nut bowl (in which are some beer nuts)) and Jack Walker here. Ginger briefly dances with one of the customers before returning him to his previous partner. > You get the nuts (the beer nuts) You grab another handful of nuts from the bowl. Ginger flashes a brilliant smile at a portly man who is old enough to be her father. It looks like he'll go home happy. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: lots of beer nuts expense money a revolver a small key All eyes are on Ginger as she passes between the tables. > You go west You can see the stage, some customers, Ginger Andrews, the backstage door, some tables, some dancers and a guard here. Ginger pauses to chat with a customer. > You throw the nuts at the guard You throw a handful of beer nuts at the guard and they scatter everywhere. The nuts get under the feet of the dancers and they begin falling like ten pins. The guard runs over to help them back to their feet. Every man in the room watches as Ginger moves to another table. > Inventory You are carrying: some beer nuts expense money a revolver a small key Ginger's jewelry sparkles as she passes one of the stage lights. > You enter backstage You're in a narrow hallway that runs behind the stage. Along the north wall is the door to what must be Ginger's dressing room. The small star with the name "Ginger" written on it provides the tip-off. To the east is a door with the word "management" written on it. That door is cracked just enough that you might be able to get a peek inside. The door that leads back to the club is to the south. You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. You probably don't want to get caught back here. You should think about leaving soon. > You open the dressing You open the dressing room door. Ginger's next act is coming up soon. She'll probably be heading back to her dressing room to get ready. You really ought to think about going back to the club soon. > You enter the dressing Ginger's dressing room is a certainly a cozy place. It's only a bit bigger than a broom closet. The only entrance is the door to the south. Along the far wall sits an actor's dressing table. On the dressing table is a cigarette case (closed). In the corner sits a wastepaper basket. You can also see the dressing room door here. You really don't have much time. Get out before you're caught! > You look in the wastepaper In the wastepaper basket is a bouquet of flowers. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You examine the bouquet You see a bouquet of one dozen long stemmed red roses bearing a card which reads, "To Ginger. From your most ardent admirer: Bob." "Now ain't that just pretty." You say to yourself. "So Bobby-boy was here all right. I wonder what Miss Ginger could tell me about all of this?" I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You enter door You can see the dressing room door, the manager's office door, the backstage door and a switchbox here. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You listen to the manager'S You hear the voices of three men. You can't make out everything they say but you are able to hear a few words here and there: "... due early tomorrow morning ... louse this up." I mean it! You'd better get out now, Sam! > You throw the nuts at the manager'S You throw a handful of beer nuts at the manager's office door and they scatter everywhere. Come on! Come on! She'll be back any minute! Wrap it up already bub! > You turn off the switch With a big grin on your mug, you pull the switch and the lights go dark. Suddenly you hear shouting from the manager's office. "What the? Who turned off those lights!" Then you hear a door fly open, followed by the sound of little round objects flying all around the room and three heavy objects striking the floor and each other. "Get your fat backside off me, Mickey!" "Sorry, boss." You had better scram quick before they regain their feet. It is now pitch dark in here! > You open backstage You open the backstage door. > You enter backstage It is pitch dark, and you can't see a thing. All around you, you can hear the sounds of frightened snobs. Who knew the rich were so afraid of the dark? > Wait Time passes. All around you, you can hear the sounds of frightened snobs. Who knew the rich were so afraid of the dark? Looks like Tony and his boys found the switchbox. The lights are back on. You have to admit that this place is pretty swank. Like the lobby, it's all done up in art deco white and gleaming silver. The cavernous room is filled with tables, which in turn are filled with the upper-crustiest crumbs in this crummy city. There are so many tuxedos it looks like a penguin convention, and enough feathers to defrock a flock of ostriches. The central focus of the club is the dance floor, just south of the stage, which fills the entire north wall of the room. There is a small backstage door in the north wall, just to the side of the stage. A guy about the size of Mt. Rushmore guards the door. The bar is to the east. The lobby is south. You can see the backstage door, the stage, some customers, Ginger Andrews, some tables, some dancers and a guard here. > You talk to Ginger Prying Ginger away from her adoring public you flash her what you hope is your most charming smile and say, "Hello there, beautiful. Got a minute?" Ginger looks you over and says "Why not? Shoot, tough guy. What's on your mind? I mean besides that." [1] Confront her about the dressing room. [2] Say goodbye. Finding the backstage door open, the guard closes it again. Someone at one of the far tables sings Happy Birthday. > 1 "So, are you sure that you barely knew Bob Watterson?" She gives you a slightly annoyed look and says, "That's what I said. Isn't it?" "It's just that I happen to know that he was in your dressing room last night." Now you have her attention, "Really? And how would you know that?" "Never mind how. I know. And now he's gone missing and I thought since you were the last one I know who might have seen him perhaps you could help me out. You want to tell me about it?" A brief flash of anger crosses her face for just a second before she smiles at you all innocent like and says, "Alright, Sam. Sure. Bob came backstage after the show last night and we had a few laughs. He invited me over to his place after closing time. I went to meet him but when I rang, nobody answered the bell. I assumed I'd been stood up and went home." "Him? Stand up a dish like you? Oh, honey, I don't think that's likely. Tell me, where is this apartment of his?" "It's the penthouse at the Luxor building on the corner of 5th and Main." "Thanks, sweetheart. You've been a help." "Any time, Sam. Let me know if there's ever anything else, anything at all, that I can help you with." You think to yourself that perhaps it's time to check out Bobby's digs. Finding the backstage door open, the guard closes it again. A customer laughs at one of Ginger's jokes. Ginger Andrews goes north. > You go to the south You can see some customers, Jean Claude and a lectern here. > You go south Things were finally starting to get interesting. I still didn't know where this guy was but at least now I had some leads. Ginger said that she was supposed to meet him at his apartment and there was no way that I was about to believe that a mug like Bob Watterson was going to deliberately miss a date with a dame like Ginger Andrews. Clearly something must have happened to him. Perhaps I could find some clues at his penthouse. I rode the elevator back down to the street, hailed a cab and soon found myself at the corner of 5th and Main. It's a lovely part of town for lovely people. I took a few more steps and I was standing in the lobby of the Luxor Apartments, home of one Robert Watterson III. [This might be a good time to save your game.] The lobby of the Luxor Apartments is very posh but mostly empty, especially at this late hour. Interesting. It seems like every upscale establishment has a thing for chrome and the color white these days. Why is that? You wonder. The exit to the street is to the south. A door blocks your way north. You can see a front door and an intercom here. > You examine the intercom The intercom is a panel set into the wall with a microphone and speaker and a row of four buttons: one for each tenant. It looks like there must be only one tenant on each of the four floors above the lobby because there are only four buttons. They're predictably numbered 2, 3, 4, and 5. You remember that Bob's apartment is the penthouse. His must be button 5. > You enter door This small hallway runs north from the front door and ends in a pair of elevator doors. You can see a front door, some elevator doors and an elevator call button here. > You enter the elevator (the elevator doors) The elevator is clean and plush with a single set of doors along the south wall. Why can't your office be this nice? A small stool stands in the corner, next to the control panel. Usually the operator would sit there but it's so late that he's probably gone home. You can also see a control panel here. > You examine the stool It's a simple wooden stool for the elevator operator to sit on. > You get the stool Taken. > You examine the panel The elevator control panel looks simple enough that even a dope like you could use it. It's got five buttons marked Floor 1 through Floor 5 on it. > You go to the south You're in a small, tastefully decorated entry room flanked by the elevator to the north and an apartment to the south. You can see some elevator doors (open), an elevator call button and Bob Watterson's front door here. > You open it You open the door. It's strange that he should leave it unlocked. > Go south Nice digs! Bob sure knows how to live. The living room is large and very tastefully decorated. Through an alcove to the west you can see a dining room. To the east must be the bed room. Going south, opposite the front door, will take you to some sort of an open garden area. A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. > You look at radio This is a very attractive tabletop model in a walnut frame. The radio is currently switched off. > You turn on the radio You switch the radio on. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. That's already on. Soft music plays over the radio. > You close front door You close Bob Watterson's front door. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You look at the fish (the tropical fish) Pretty little critters. Pity you can't teach them to fetch your slippers. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You lock the door What do you want to lock Bob Watterson's front door with? > Fish At first the painting seems to be just be a jumble of geometric patterns and colors but as you look at it more closely, you realize it's a nude portrait done in the cubist style. Soft music plays over the radio. You can't see any such thing. > You move painting It is fixed in place. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You look under the couch You find nothing of interest. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You look at the couch Bob's couch is a lovely piece of furniture upholstered in fine leather. Soft music plays over the radio. Bob's couch is a lovely piece of furniture upholstered in fine leather. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You examine table You see nothing special about the end table. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You go to the east Bob's bedroom is not overly large but it's very nice. It's also very clean. You can't help but wonder if he has a maid. Anyway, there's a large window on the east wall which leads to the fire escape. The living room is to the west. The bed is along the south wall. It's one of those nice mahogany sled-style beds. King-size. > You examine the window The window opens easily leading to the fire escape beyond. > You pull the bed It is fixed in place. > You open the window Sure. But if you're trying to get to the fire escape, you can just go east. > You examine table It's a big table and it's pretty nice and all, but other than that it's rather uninteresting. > You look at the chair The dining room chairs are very nice. They match the table. > You go south A well appointed kitchen is the hallmark of civilization. You can't remember who said that. Perhaps you just made it up yourself. Anyway, Bob's kitchen is neat, and clean, and almost empty. You're guessing that he eats out a lot. Along the west wall stands a large white refrigerator, happily humming to itself. Beside the fridge, running along the rest of the length of the wall, is a marble counter. On the marble counter is a knife block (in which are five knives). In the counter is a large marble sink. > You look at the knife block It's a wooden block with slots for holding six knives. At the moment there are five knives in the knife block. > You open the fridge You open the refrigerator, revealing Chinese takeout. > You examine takeout Looks like rice and wontons from a local Chinese place. > You get the takeout Taken. > You get the knife (the knife) Taken. > You examine the counter It's a lovely marble counter top. > You eat the takeout Remembering that you never did get that dinner at the Top Cat Club, you decide to wolf down the Chinese food. It's cold but it's delicious. > Inventory You are carrying: a knife a stool expense money a revolver a small key > Go north In the middle of the room is a large oval dining table. You can also see six dining room chairs here.

[Themes: Mystery, noir] > You look around This room is big enough to hold quite the little soiree. Like everything else in this place, it's clean and expensive. The kitchen lies to the south and the living room is back to the east. In the middle of the room is a large oval dining table. You can also see six dining room chairs here. > You go east A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. Soft music plays over the radio. > You look at the ceiling You see nothing special about the ceiling. Soft music plays over the radio. > You go north You can't, since Bob Watterson's front door is in the way. A big band number is playing on the radio. > Go south One of the fringe benefits of having a penthouse apartment is that part of your living space can be out doors. The south-eastern corner of Bob's apartment is devoted to a rooftop garden and swimming pool surrounded on all sides by a high brick wall. The setting is all quite nice but the thing that immediately attracts your attention is the stiff floating in the middle of the pool. On the south side of the pool, attached to the wall is a pool net. You can also see a swimming pool (in which are some water and a dead man) here. > You look at the dead man You see a dead man floating face down in the pool. A knife is sticking out of his back. It looks like he hasn't been here for very long. He's wearing a belt, a pair of pants and a dress shirt > You look at the knife (the knife) It's a sharp object good for cutting, or stabbing, or sometimes killing. > You look at the net It's one of those long nets on the end of a pole. It's used for cleaning leaves, dead bugs, and perhaps corpses, from swimming pools. > You get the body with the net Using the pool net you fish the body out of the pool. The body is much too heavy to carry.

[Themes: Mystery, noir] > Look around One of the fringe benefits of having a penthouse apartment is that part of your living space can be out doors. The south-eastern corner of Bob's apartment is devoted to a rooftop garden and swimming pool surrounded on all sides by a high brick wall. The setting is all quite nice but the thing that immediately attracts your attention is the stiff on the side of the pool. You can see a dead man and a swimming pool (in which is some water) here. > You examine man You see a dead man. He is wearing a belt, a pair of pants and a dress shirt A bloody knife is sticking in his back. > You look at the bloody knife It looks like a kitchen carving knife. There's blood all over it. > You examine the belt It looks like your garden variety brown leather belt. > You wear the belt You put on the belt. > You examine the pants Dress slacks. There's a back pocket. > You examine the shirt It looks like it was once a pretty nice silk shirt. Pity it's got blood all over it now. > You look in the pocket (the back pocket) In the back pocket are a brass key and a wallet. > You get the key (the brass key) Taken. > You open it You open the wallet, revealing an ID card. > You examinethe i d card Robert Watterson III. It's him all right. > You examine the brass key You see nothing special about the brass key. In the distance, you can hear the sound of sirens. > You look at the garden It's too late for the flowers to be open but it appears that Bob has a green thumb. The sirens seem to be getting louder. > You go to the north A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. No, you're sure of it now. The cops seem to be surrounding the building! Well, Sam, it looks like you've been set up! > You go east The bed is along the south wall. It's one of those nice mahogany sled-style beds. King-size. You'd better find a way out of here before they find you with Mr. Congeniality here. > Go east Standing in the chill night air on the fire escape, you can see all the way to the center of town. It's quite a view. The streets below are illuminated by red and blue flashing lights. Looks like the cops have the place surrounded. Hmm. The sirens have stopped. Perhaps they were going somewhere else.

[Themes: Mystery, detective] > You go downwards You rush down the fire escape but unfortunately, the cops are at the bottom waiting for you. There is a brief struggle as the cops surround you. By the time it's over, a few cops are sporting shiners and you've become intimate with a pair of handcuffs. The cops toss you in the back of a squad car and haul you downtown. After a brief stay as a guest of the local tax payers, you're brought up on charges. The rap is murder. You argue that you were set up but even Clancy can't help you now. "Come on, Clancy. You know me. You don't think that I did this do you?" "It doesn't matter what I'm thinking, Sam. That's for a jury to decide." Those words don't bring much comfort. Short odds are on a jury's being all too happy to believe that you did it, considering you were found sharing a room with a freshly stabbed corpse. "Off to bed, Junior" your mother says as she turns off the radio. "But ma! I need to know how Sam's going to get out of this one! Can't I please stay up a little longer?" "Sorry. You have school in the morning. You'll just have to ask your friends about it in the morning." > Up You can't go that way. Nope. More sirens. They're here all right. You'd better make yourself scarce quick Sam! > You wait Time passes. > You go west The bed is along the south wall. It's one of those nice mahogany sled-style beds. King-size. > Go west A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. Soft music plays over the radio. Still more sirens. It looks like they've called in reinforcements. > You open the door You open Bob Watterson's front door. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. You're really starting to get nervous. There has to be a way out of this jam. There just has to be. > You go to the north You can see some elevator doors (open), an elevator call button and Bob Watterson's front door here. Darn it! Nothing seems to be working! Quick, Sam! Think! > You go to the north You can see a control panel here. They're probably getting ready to storm the building any minute now! > You look at the ceiling You see nothing special about the ceiling. You hear the sound of a bull horn. "Alright, Sam! We know you're up there! Give yourself up!" Darn it! Who's the rat that tipped them off? > Go south You're in a small, tastefully decorated entry room flanked by the elevator to the north and an apartment to the south. You can see an apartment door, some elevator doors (open) and an elevator call button here. There's that bull horn again. "Give it up, Sam! There's no way out. We've got the place surrounded!" > You knock on the door You knock on the door. An elderly voice says, "Who is it?" "Never mind, ma'am," you say, "wrong apartment." > You go north You can see a control panel here. "That's it, Sam! We're coming up!" > You go south You're in a small, tastefully decorated entry room flanked by the elevator to the north and an apartment to the south. You can see an apartment door, some elevator doors (open) and an elevator call button here. They're probably getting ready to burst in right now. If you're going to get out of here, now would be the time to do it! > You knock on door You knock on the door. Some mug in a rumpled dress shirt opens the door, give you one look and says, "Hey! You're not Lenny." Looks like you found an Einstein. "Sorry, bud. Wrong apartment" you say as he closes the door. Panic starts to set in! They're going to be here any minute now! > Go north You can see a control panel here. There is a loud banging as the police smash their way in to the building. Soon the apartment building is crawling with armed cops. You try desperately to hide from them but it's no good. It doesn't take them too long to find you. There is a brief struggle as the cops surround you. By the time it's over, a few cops are sporting shiners and you've become intimate with a pair of handcuffs. The cops toss you in the back of a squad car and haul you downtown. After a brief stay as a guest of the local tax payers, you're brought up on charges. The rap is murder. You argue that you were set up but even Clancy can't help you now. "Come on, Clancy. You know me. You don't think that I did this do you?" "It doesn't matter what I'm thinking, Sam. That's for a jury to decide." Those words don't bring much comfort. Short odds are on a jury's being all too happy to believe that you did it, considering you were found sharing a room with a freshly stabbed corpse. "Off to bed, Junior" your mother says as she turns off the radio. "But ma! I need to know how Sam's going to get out of this one! Can't I please stay up a little longer?" "Sorry. You have school in the morning. You'll just have to ask your friends about it in the morning." > You examine control The elevator control panel looks simple enough that even a dope like you could use it. It's got five buttons marked Floor 1 through Floor 5 on it. They're probably getting ready to burst in right now. If you're going to get out of here, now would be the time to do it!

[Themes: Mystery, detective] > You look around The lobby of the Luxor Apartments is very posh but mostly empty, especially at this late hour. Interesting. It seems like every upscale establishment has a thing for chrome and the color white these days. Why is that? You wonder. The exit to the street is to the south. A door blocks your way north. You can see a front door and an intercom here. > You go to the north This small hallway runs north from the front door and ends in a pair of elevator doors. You can see a front door, some elevator doors and an elevator call button here. > You go north The elevator is clean and plush with a single set of doors along the south wall. Why can't your office be this nice? A small stool stands in the corner, next to the control panel. Usually the operator would sit there but it's so late that he's probably gone home. You can also see a control panel here. > You turn on the radio You switch the radio on. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You go to the east A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You look in the sink The sink is empty. > You move the couch It is fixed in place. Soft music plays over the radio. > You look in the tank In the tropical fish tank are some tropical fish and some water. A big band number is playing on the radio. > Search tank In the tropical fish tank are some tropical fish and some water. Soft music plays over the radio. > You get the fish (the tropical fish) You reach in and try to grab some of the fish but they just swim away. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > Drink water Delicious and refreshing! Soft music plays over the radio. > Go east Standing in the chill night air on the fire escape, you can see all the way to the center of town. It's quite a view.

> Go downwards Oh come on, Sam. You've barely even looked around the place. Don't leave now! > You go west The bed is along the south wall. It's one of those nice mahogany sled-style beds. King-size. > Go west A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You remove the shirt (first taking the dress shirt) You'll have to remove the knife first if you want to get his shirt off. > You examine the brick wall The wall surrounds the pool on the south and east sides, the sides that aren't blocked by the apartment itself. It's pretty high. Apparently Bob likes his privacy. > You get the knife You pull the bloody knife out of his back, putting your fingerprints all over it in the process. > You climb the wall It's far to high for you to reach. Perhaps if you had something to stand on. > You examine the pants Dress slacks. There's a back pocket. > You look at the key Which do you mean, the brass key or the small key? > You open the wallet You open the wallet, revealing an ID card. > You examine the iD Robert Watterson III. It's him all right. > You drop the stool Dropped. In the distance, you can hear the sound of sirens. > You stand on the stool You get onto the stool. The sirens seem to be getting louder. > You climb the wall You can just barely reach. (getting off the stool) You climb up onto the top of the wall and look around. The view is fantastic from up here. It's marred only by the high tension wire that runs from the roof of Bob's apartment, passing over your head and descending to the roof of the building to the east. From up here on the wall, it's just low enough for you to reach. No, you're sure of it now. The cops seem to be surrounding the building! Well, Sam, it looks like you've been set up! > You climb the wire Try sliding down the wire instead. You'd better find a way out of here before they find you with Mr. Congeniality here. > You slide down the wire Sliding down that wire with your bare hands looks like it would be pretty painful. Perhaps you could try sliding down the wire with something. Hmm. The sirens have stopped. Perhaps they were going somewhere else. > You slide down the wire with the belt I looped Bob's belt over the high tension wire and slid down to the roof of the adjacent building. It was just in the nick of time too. I could hear the cops running through the apartment behind me. "He's not here, Sarge. But there's the body. I guess that tip-off was on the level!" One thing was certain. I didn't need to continue looking for Robert Watterson III. He wasn't missing any more. Although I supposed someone might be missing him. What had I gotten myself mixed up in? The cops showing up just then was entirely too convenient. Somebody wanted me out of the picture and they wanted it bad. But who? I tried to make it all add up but so far all it added up to was a lot of question marks. Folks, that's the end of Act I of tonight's drama: the Case of the Missing Playboy. In a minute, we'll continue with Act II but first... Are you looking for the finest experience in smoking pleasure? Then you really owe it to yourself to try Muskrat Cigarettes. You see, four out of five doctors recommend Muskrat Cigarettes. That's because Muskrat Cigarettes are smoother, better tasting, and better for you! Indeed, recent studies suggest that smoking just one pack of Muskrat Cigarettes a day can improve respiratory vitality and provide you with more pep! So the next time you crave a fine smoke, reach for Muskrat Cigarettes. You'll be glad you did because remember: Nothing smokes like a Muskrat! And now: we bring you Act II of tonight's thrilling adventure of Sam Fortune and The Case of the Missing Playboy! > You take the phone Picking up the telephone you pause to consider your options. [1] Call Clancy at the 21st precinct. [2] Call the Times. [3] Call Irene. [4] Hang up. > 2 John Olsen's a friend of yours. He works the society desk at the Times. It's very late but you're betting he's still there after putting to bed the morning edition. Turns out your hunch was right. "What's stewing, Sammy?" [1] Ask about Irene. [2] Ask about Mr. Scarlet. [3] Ask about Bob Watterson. [4] Ask about the Top Cat Club. [5] Ask what he knows about Ginger. [6] Ask about recent police activity. [7] Chat with John for a while. [8] Hang up. > 1 "John, what can you tell me about Irene Scarlet?" "Irene Scarlet! The most fashionable belle at the ball. She is the queen of the society set. She carries herself with the grace of a movie star and she mingles with all of the most fashionable men about town. She's been keeping me in print for some time now. Is there something about her that I should know?" "Now, now, Johnny boy. Don't get over excited. I'm just asking." "Well, if you're running around with Miss Scarlet then you're in pretty rarified air. Her daddy's..." "Yeah, yeah. Her daddy's a millionaire." "Right. And what's his is hers, if you know what I mean. I only wish that she'd give us more to print about her than just who she was seen with where and when. The girl's as squeaky clean as the girl next door. More's the pity." "Well I hope I don't disappoint you when I say that's good news. Thanks, John. You've been swell." [1] Ask about Mr. Scarlet. [2] Ask about Bob Watterson. [3] Ask about the Top Cat Club. [4] Ask what he knows about Ginger. [5] Ask about recent police activity. [6] Chat with John for a while. [7] Hang up. > 1 "What about Daddy Scarlet? What can you tell me about him?" "Well I'm sure you already know that he's made millions in fish." "Yes. But is there any dirt on the guy?" "No. He keeps pretty clean. The only thing fishy about him is his fish. His wife passed on several years back and he's devoted to his daughter. I hate to admit it but they actually seem to be a very nice family. Believe me, Sam. I haven't found even the hint of a scandal and it isn't for lack of trying." "Thanks again, John." [1] Ask about Bob Watterson. [2] Ask about the Top Cat Club. [3] Ask what he knows about Ginger. [4] Ask about recent police activity. [5] Chat with John for a while. [6] Hang up. > 1 "Hey, what about a guy named Bob Watterson. What do you know about him?" "Robert Watterson III. He's one of the society set. He spends money like it's his birthright, which it probably is. We see him a lot in the company of one Miss Irene Scarlet." "So they're an item are they?" "Could be. You know you never can really be sure with these society types. They tend to flirt with everyone and when they get really close to someone they tend to like to hide it from people like me." "Yeah, I can understand that." "Hey! Was that a crack?" "What else can you tell me about him?" "Not much really. He doesn't seem to have a job or anything. Just money. He's been buzzing around the society crowd with the other drones for several years now but nobody's really sure where he came from." "Well thanks, John." "Sure thing." [1] Ask about the Top Cat Club. [2] Ask what he knows about Ginger. [3] Ask about recent police activity. [4] Chat with John for a while. [5] Hang up. > 1 "What do you know about the Top Cat Club?" "The Top Cat Club. Center for overpriced entertainment catering to the rich and privileged." "Quite the popular spot, I'm given to understand. But I already knew that. Tell me something I don't already know." "Well, rumor has it that the owner, one Mr. Tony Gabriele, has ties to organized crime. Nothing's been proven of course but it seems pretty likely. I'm told that the police have been watching the place pretty heavy these days." "Now that is interesting. Can you tell me anything about Mr. Gabriele?" "Just that he's a very sharp dresser and he never goes anywhere without a couple of goons. I wouldn't get mixed up with him if I were you, Sam. People who do seem to wind up regretting it." "Yeah. Thanks for the tip, John." "My pleasure." [1] Ask what he knows about Ginger. [2] Ask about recent police activity. [3] Chat with John for a while. [4] Hang up. > 1 "John, what do you know of a dame named Ginger Andrews?" "The singer at the Top Cat Club?" "That's her." "Not much. She worked Atlantic City for a while before Tony brought her up here. Since she's been here, every sugar daddy in town's been trying to hook up with her." "Any succeed?" "Not that I can tell. Unless you count Tony. Rumor has it that she's his girl." "Thank you, Johnny! Now that makes sense!" [1] Ask what he knows about Tony. [2] Ask about recent police activity. [3] Chat with John for a while. [4] Hang up. > 1 "Johnny, I need you to tell me everything you know about Tony Gabriele." "Alright. Well you know he runs the Top Cat Club." "Yeah. Go on." "Well, he's also suspected of being connected with organized crime. Seems a lot of known mobsters like to visit the Top Cat Club whenever they're in town. The cops have been trying to connect him with operations in Chicago, Atlantic City, and a few other east coast towns. So far, they've been without luck, but they think it's only a matter of time before he slips up." "Yeah. That fits the picture, Johnny. What about legit business concerns?" "Well there's the club of course. And he also has a small warehouse on Pier 27 where he does some importing from the old country. He started the Top Cat Club with money he made through his import business." "Thanks, Johnny! That's just what I needed to know!" [1] Ask about recent police activity. [2] Chat with John for a while. [3] Hang up. > 1 "Listen, John, I need your help. I imagine you've heard that there was a 'disturbance' downtown tonight." "Yeah. Not my desk but I heard something about it. Are you mixed up in this?" "Never mind that for now. What have you heard?" "Apparently some guy got bumped off and the cops got a tip-off about the killer. Seems they let him get away though because the radio's been all chatter about a manhunt going on." [1] Tell him Bob Watterson's dead. [2] Tell him the cops are after you. [3] Chat with John for a while. [4] Hang up. > 1 "Listen, Johnny. I'll let you in on a scoop. That stiff that the cops found? It's Robert Watterson III." "You don't say? What'd he die of?" "Acute back pain, complicated by severe pneumonia. They found him face down in his pool with a kitchen knife jammed into his backbone." "No wonder the cops are buzzing like a nest of angry hornets." "Yeah. No wonder." [1] Tell him the cops are after you. [2] Chat with John for a while. [3] Hang up. > 1 "Johnny, I got a little bit of a problem here. That guy the cops are after? You're talkin' to him." "What? You killed the guy?" "No. Of course not. But the cops think I did. Somebody fixed it so that they'd show up just as I was on the scene. Made it all nice and easy for them to jump to the wrong conclusions." "How can I help?" [1] Tell the cops I didn't do it. [2] Tell the cops I was with you. > 1 "Call the cops and tell them I didn't do it. Tell them that if they'll give me 24 hours I'll finger the killer for them." "I don't know, Sam. They may not go for it." "I know. But perhaps it'll buy me some time." "Alright. I'll try." "Thanks, Johnny. You're swell." [1] Chat with John for a while. [2] Hang up. > 1 You can't think of anything specific to say to John so you just chat for a while. [1] Chat with John for a while. [2] Hang up. > 2 You put the receiver back on its cradle. > 3 You're still not sure if you can trust Irene. After all, she got you mixed up in this and for all you know she could have been the one who set you up. Still, she seems on the level and you don't see as it matters much anyway. So you dial Irene's number. It rings a few times and eventually you're rewarded with the sound of her sleepy voice on the other end. "Hello?" "Hiya, Red. It's Sam." [1] Tell her Bob's Dead. [2] Hang up. > 1 "Listen, doll, I've got some bad news. I found Bob Watterson." "But, Sam! That's wonderful!" "No. No it isn't. I'm afraid that he's dead." "Dead? Oh no, Sam! There must be some mistake!" "No mistake, sweetheart. I just got done not speaking with him. He was quite incommunicado." Irene starts crying and it's only with difficulty that she manages to say, "Oh, Sam! This is terrible! What happened?" "I'm afraid that someone killed him." "He was murdered?" Still sobbing. "But who would do such a thing? Bob never hurt anybody!" "I was kind of hoping that you could tell me. "Listen, sweetheart. I can't go into this over the phone but we need to talk. We have to meet somewhere so we can sort this out. I don't think we have much time." "Sure, Sam. Anything you say." "We have to be careful though. I've got half the city police force out looking for me, and whoever bumped off that friend of yours is probably after me as well. So we need to meet somewhere where we can be safe." "Where did you have in mind?" "We need somewhere where we can be sure that we're not overheard, but it's got to be somewhere public, somewhere where there'll be witnesses so someone will think twice before making a play for us. What's more, it's gotta be open at this late hour. Say! I've got it. The railway station! Meet me on the center platform in fifteen minutes." "Sure, Sam, I'll be there." You put the receiver back on its cradle. > You get the phone Picking up the telephone you pause to consider your options. [1] Call Clancy at the 21st precinct. [2] Call the Times. [3] Hang up. > 1 You decide to call Sgt. Clancy down at the 21st. You dial the number from memory and soon you're talking to Sgt. Clancy. "Clancy. It's Sam." "Sam! Where are you? Half the cops in the city are lookin' for ya!" [1] Tell him I didn't do it. [2] Ask him to call off the manhunt. > 1 "Now listen, Clancy. You know I didn't kill that guy. Right?" "Oh I don't know. Saints preserve us, Sam! We've got your fingerprints all over that apartment." "But surely you can't believe it!" "I must admit that I was rather shocked to hear you were implicated, Sam. You've always been a little lax with the law but you've never stepped over the line this far." "So call off your boys, Clancy. I was framed! Somebody set me up." "Sure you was, Sam. Now why don't you just come down to the precinct and tell me all of the details." "No dice, Clancy. You know I can't do that. Just give me 24 hours and I'll get your killer for you." "You know I can't..." "I gotta go, Clancy, but I'll be in touch. But remember, just 24 hours." You put the receiver back on its cradle.

[Themes: Mystery, detective, noir] > You look around Your office is on the fifth floor of a crummy old office building in the lower east side. There is a single dingy window in the west wall, directly opposite the only door. The sun streaming throught the Venetian blinds traces bars across the desk that sits in the middle of the room. Bars like the bars of a prison cell. On the wooden desk is a telephone. A battered old filing cabinet stands in the corner. An old desk chair sits behind the desk. A plain guest chair is strategically placed in front of the desk. > You look at the desk (the wooden desk) It's a very plain wooden desk with a single shabby drawer. Someday perhaps you'll be able to afford mahogany. > You look in the drawer Which do you mean, the desk drawer, the top drawer of the filing cabinet or the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet? > Desk In the desk drawer is a bottle of whiskey. > You drink it You start to take another drink but then you reconsider. "Naw. That's enough, Sam." you say to yourself. "I have a feeling that you might need a clear head tonight." > You look up Ginger in the folders Which do you mean, the file folders marked A to M or the file folders marked N to Z? > You look at the m. You see several file folders marked A to M in nearly alphabetical order. You thumb idly through a few of the folders before deciding that there really isn't anything helpful to your current situation. > You read the m. You see several file folders marked A to M in nearly alphabetical order. You thumb through a few of the folders but nothing really catches your interest at the moment. Perhaps if you knew what you were looking for this would yield better results. > You look at the north (the file folders marked N to Z) You see a handful of file folders marked N to Z in mostly alphabetical order. You thumb idly through a few of the folders before deciding that there really isn't anything helpful to your current situation. > You read N (the file folders marked N to Z) You see a handful of file folders marked N to Z in mostly alphabetical order. You thumb through a few of the folders but nothing really catches your interest at the moment. > Go east Your business concluded, you make for the door but upon opening it, you find yourself face to face with two rough looking thugs. "Well look who we have here, Mickey Boy!" says the one with the weasely face. "It looks like a rat, Flynn." "Pity he isn't caught in some trap somewhere. Isn't it?" "Heh. Yeah." You step back into the room as the two thugs burst in. As you silently plan your next move, it occurs to you that you've heard these two voices before, through a door backstage of the Top Cat Club. > You talk to Mickey I don't think you're going to be able to talk your way out of this one, Sam. Mickey Boy says, "You know? The boss doesn't like it when people nose around in his affairs." Then he drives the point home with a swift punch to your gut that leaves your gasping for wind. > Punch mickey You hit Mickey Boy with your fist but he shrugs it off. Mickey Boy says, "When we're through with you, you'll wish you'd stayed in your office, gumshoe." He follows this with a lunge which you only barely avoid. > You hit Mickey with the whiskey You smash Mickey Boy with the bottle of whiskey and lay him out flat. Weasel Face Flynn says, That's a pretty face you have there. It'd be a shame if anything were to happen to it." Then he takes a swing at your face and nearly breaks your jaw. You nearly stagger to the ground before regaining your feet. > You shoot flynn That's really rather pointless since you don't have any bullets. Weasel Face Flynn punches you in the solar-plexus, knocking the wind out of you. "Had enough yet?" he asks. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a bottle of whiskey a brass key a wallet (open) an ID card expense money a revolver a small key Weasel Face Flynn says, "Don't know when to quit, do you?" Then he punches you in the kidneys, knocking you against the filing cabinet. > You hit Flynn with the gun You pummel Weasel Face Flynn with the revolver and lay him out flat. > You search flynn Weasel Face Flynn is aptly named. He's a thin guy with a face like... well, you know. When he's not stretched out on the floor, he nervously shifts from one leg to the other as his eyes rapidly dart to and fro, which only serves to enhance the mustelidae family resemblance. > You search Mickey Mickey Boy is the larger of Tony's errand boys. He's about six feet tall and well over 200 pounds. Not the sort you want to meet in a dark alley, or a deserted office building for that matter. > Go east My encounter with Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn made it pretty clear that Tony Gabriele was up to something. I still wasn't sure what it was but by now I was pretty sure that Irene had nothing to do with it. Once again, I ducked down the stairs and headed out into the dark, lonely streets. It was well past midnight now and the streets were mostly deserted. I didn't dare risk grabbing a cab; instead I walked the few blocks to the train station to keep my appointment with Irene. Along the way I had to duck into a couple of alleys to avoid the occasional copper. The last thing I needed was for some flatfoot beat cop to earn a promotion on my account tonight. It wasn't long before I found myself in front of the station. Now all I had to do was slip inside, get to the center platform and keep my rendezvous with Irene. [This might be a good time to save your game.] The city train station is a big, imposing structure made by big men, designed to impress upon all the supremacy and majesty of the railroad. The columned behemoth of a building lies to the north, the gigantic entrance perched atop a short but magnificent flight of stairs like the entrance to some Greek temple. > You go north You are standing on the south side of the cavernous room that makes up the main waiting area of the train station. During the day, passengers would fill this room with activity but at this hour it is mostly empty. You can see the room stretching out in front of you to the north. Far to the north you can just make out the set of stairs that descend to the platforms. Behind you, to the south, is the doorway that leads back outside. You can see one of the city's finest patrolling the room. As long as you stay here near the entrance, you can probably avoid his gaze but you'll need to find some way to cross the room without attracting his attention. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area for now but it appears that he'll soon be heading your way. It's probably best to wait here until you've learned his movements. > You look at the cop You see nothing special about the policeman. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area. > Wait Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. > Wait Time passes. The policeman arrives from the north. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. As long as you don't break cover you're pretty sure that he won't see you. > Wait Time passes. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. > You wait Time passes. The policeman goes north. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north. > You go north You're halfway across the waiting area. There is a small gift shop to the west and some ticket windows to the east. Far to the north, you can see the stairs to the platforms. An equal distance to the south, you can see the main entrance. You can see a policeman here. You turn up your collar and try to slip past the policeman but since you're nearly the only person in the station, he immediately moves toward you. You turn away but he chases after you and soon it becomes a foot race. Desperately, you dodge and weave but he blows his whistle and soon there are cops coming from all directions. There is a brief struggle as the cops surround you. By the time it's over, they've added assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest to your growing list of charges. The cops toss you in the back of a squad car and take you downtown. After a brief stay in the city slammer, you're brought up on murder charges. You try to convince Clancy to help you but the best that he can do is recommend a good lawyer. "Time for bed, Junior" your mother says as she turns off the radio. "But, ma! They just arrested Sam! Can't I please stay up a little longer and hear how get gets out of it?" "Sorry. You have school in the morning. You'll just have to ask your friends about it at school tomorrow." > Wait Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north. > You wait for a while Time passes. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area. > You go north You're halfway across the waiting area. There is a small gift shop to the west and some ticket windows to the east. Far to the north, you can see the stairs to the platforms. An equal distance to the south, you can see the main entrance. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area. > Go west This is a small gift shop that sells various items to waiting travelers. Curiously, the shopkeeper seems to have stepped out. There's no one here. The waiting area is back to the east. In the corner of the gift shop is a magazine rack. On the magazine rack are a copy of Living Magazine and a copy of the Morning Edition News. On a shelf you can see one of those toy monkeys that dances and bangs its cymbals together when it's turned on. A snow globe with a model of the train station sits on one of the shelves. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area. > You read the Living The cover story of this issue is devoted to the European relief effort. I'm sure it's an interesting article but you really don't have time to read it right now. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. > You read Morning The headline is about president Truman's effort to promote the formation of some international organization called the United Nations. Below that is a brief story about the murder of Robert Watterson III. Most alarming is a police sketch of the chief suspect. They didn't quite capture your rugged jaw line correctly! You're going to have to have some words with Clancy's artist. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. > You look at the globe A model of the city train station sits inside a glass globe. Tiny snowflakes drift lazily around the globe whenever you shake it. Suspended above the station are the words "Wish You Were Here". The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. > Shake globe You give the globe a vigorous shake and little tiny snowflakes begin swirling around the little building. It's rather pretty really. It's not very useful though. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. > You get the monkey Taken. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. > You examine it It's a cute little toy monkey holding a pair of cymbals. The toy monkey is currently switched off. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. > Go east The policeman arrives from the south. You turn up your collar and turn your back to the policeman as he arrives in the hopes that he wont recognize you but it's no good. He immediately recognizes you and blows his whistle. Soon there are cops arriving from all directions. There is a brief struggle as the cops surround you. By the time it's over, they've added assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest to your growing list of charges. The cops toss you in the back of a squad car and take you downtown. After a brief stay in the city slammer, you're brought up on murder charges. You try to convince Clancy to help you but the best that he can do is recommend a good lawyer. "Time for bed, Junior" your mother says as she turns off the radio. "But, ma! They just arrested Sam! Can't I please stay up a little longer and hear how get gets out of it?" "Sorry. You have school in the morning. You'll just have to ask your friends about it at school tomorrow." > Go east The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. > Go north You are standing on the north side of the waiting area. Far to the south, across the huge room, you can see the entrance to the building. Below you, to the north, you can see the stairs that descend down to the platforms. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area.

[Themes: Mystery] > Go downwards You're standing at the top of the flight of stairs leading down to the platforms. To the south, you can see the whole of the waiting area. You're well concealed so there is no fear of being spotted by the policeman who is patrolling there. Down and to the north, you can just make out part of the lower level of the train station. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north.

[Themes: Mystery] > Go downwards The lower level of the train station is a large space which opens on to three platforms. Directly in front of you, to the north, is the central platform, to the north east is the east platform, and to the north west is the west platform. Naturally, there are train tracks running between the platforms. There are numerous pillars supporting the high arched ceiling. The stairs that lead back to the waiting area are behind you, to the south. You can barely make out a figure on the central platform which you hope must be Irene. Between you and the central platform stands a policeman. You can only assume that he's looking for you. > You look at the pillars There are numerous pillars supporting the high arched ceiling. It's actually a rather impressive space. > You drop the monkey Dropped. > You turn on the monkey You switch on the toy monkey, slide it across the floor and duck behind a pillar. The policeman sees the toy monkey and moves to investigate. Now's your chance Sam! > Go north You are standing on the central platform, with tracks on either side of you leading north into the darkness. Behind you, to the south, you can see the policeman examining the monkey with a puzzled look on his face. You can see Irene Scarlet here. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > You talk to Irene Irene is lovelier than ever, her silky red hair cascading over her dark mink coat. You could fall for a dame like this in a big way! But you gather your thoughts and force yourself to focus on business. "Hello again, sweetheart." As she turns to face you, you can see that she's been crying. "Oh, Sam! What's going on? First you tell me Bobby's dead and now you ask me to meet you here, what does it all mean?" [1] Comfort Irene. [2] Tell her about Bob and Ginger. [3] Tell her about Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 2 "Irene, were you aware that Bob had a thing for Ginger Andrews?" "I had suspected as much but he never actually told me so." [1] Ask if she was jealous. [2] Ask if she was in love with Bob. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 2 "Did you love him, Irene?" "We weren't in love if that's what you mean. But I loved him like a brother." [1] Comfort Irene. [2] Tell her about Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. [3] Ask if she knows what had Bob so upset that night. > 3 "You said before that something had upset Bob that night. Do you know what it was?" "No, Sam. I don't know." "I know he was backstage with Ginger for part of that evening. Do you think Ginger might have had something to do with it?" "Now that you mention it, I think it might have been. He was away from the group for a while and when he came back he was upset. Perhaps she said something to him to make him upset." "Yes, that or perhaps he overheard something he shouldn't have." [1] Comfort Irene. [2] Tell her about Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. [3] Ask what she knows about Tony. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 3 "What do you know about Tony Gabriele?" "Nothing, Sam. I didn't even know his name before tonight." "Well, he's a mob boss and I think that Bob accidentally overheard something that could have got him into a lot of hot water." [1] Comfort Irene. [2] Tell her about Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. [3] Tell her about Tony's warehouse. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 3 "I hear that Tony has a warehouse down on Pier 27. I think that I'm going to have to check it out. There has to be something there that will pin this rap on Tony." "Oh, Sam! Be careful!" "Don't worry, sweetheart. I will. But listen, Red, do me a favor." "Anything, Sam." "I need to you give me about a half an hour. Then I need you to go to the cops and tell them that something's fishy at Tony's warehouse. That should give me enough time to case the joint. Even if I don't find anything, it probably wouldn't hurt to have the cops show up there tonight." "But what will I tell them?" [1] Tell her she'll think of something. [2] Tell her to tell the cops that you're there. [3] Tell her to report a burglary. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 2 "Tell them that I'm there. That should get their attention." [1] Comfort Irene. [2] Tell her about Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. [3] Say goodbye. > 1 "There, there," you say as she melts into your arms. "It'll be all right. We'll get this straightened out somehow." "But how, Sam?" "Don't worry. I'll think of something." [1] Tell her about Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. [2] Say goodbye. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 1 "Two of Tony Gabriele's boys just tried to punch my time card. I barely managed to get clear of them. It looks like he thinks I know something about whatever he's up to." "But why, Sam? Why would he think that?" I think he knows I was backstage earlier tonight. He must think that I overheard something I shouldn't have." "But how would he know that?" "Ginger must have told him. She's the only one who could have known I was back there. Even you didn't know that. They must have been discussing whatever they're up to while I was back there. Come to think of it, I'm sure I heard bits and snatches of it. He must think that I heard more than I actually did." [1] Ask what she knows about Tony. [2] Say goodbye. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 1 "What do you know about Tony Gabriele?" "Nothing, Sam. I didn't even know his name before tonight." "Well, he's a mob boss and I think that Bob accidentally overheard something that could have got him into a lot of hot water." [1] Tell her about Tony's warehouse. [2] Say goodbye. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > 2 "Now go on, Red. Get outta here before that cop stops playing with his monkey and decides to check up on us." "OK. Be careful, Sam!" Irene gives you a quick kiss and says, "For luck!" "Sure, sweetheart. You be careful too. See you after the dust settles." Irene turned and left me standing alone on the platform. I waited a few minutes before sneaking out of the station by following one of the tracks. It didn't take me too long to walk the few blocks to Pier 27. It took even less time to find Tony's warehouse. I wasn't sure exactly what I would find but I was pretty certain that it wouldn't be canned herring. [This might be a good time to save your game.] The pier is nearly pitch black at this early hour. In fact, the only light that you can see is coming from a high window in the warehouse in front of you. It looks like somebody must be home. Tony's warehouse is directly in front of you to the north. There is a dark alley to the northeast. A small sign beside the large metal warehouse door reads, "Gabriele Imports." I beg your pardon? > You examine the warehouse (Gabriele Imports) Tony's warehouse is a large, utilitarian building that hangs on the side of the pier, allowing goods to be transferred by truck on one side and boat on the other. > You go northeast This narrow, dark alley runs beside the warehouse. Along the north side of the alley is a railing that overlooks the harbor. From the railing you can see a dock behind the warehouse. You can see several dark figures on the dock unloading crates from a boat that sits almost directly below you. You quietly hide in the shadows while the figures finish unloading the crates and after a few minutes they move inside the warehouse. A ladder leads from a gap in the railing at the end of the alley down to the water. The bottom of the ladder is only a step away from the boat. > You look at the boat The boat is almost directly below you. You could easily reach it by climbing down the ladder.

[Themes: Mystery, detective] > You go downwards You are in a small power boat which is tied up to the dock behind the warehouse. You can reach the dock by going west. A ladder leads from a gap in the railing at the end of the alley down to the water. The bottom of the ladder is only a step away from the boat. A small toolbox sits under one of the seats in the boat. > You get it Taken. > You open it You open the toolbox, revealing a wrench, a hammer and a screwdriver. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a toolbox (open) a wrench a hammer a screwdriver a bottle of whiskey a brass key a wallet (open) an ID card expense money a revolver a small key > You look at the ladder The ladder descends several feet from the edge of the alley above down to the water below. The boat bumps up against it as it sways with the tide. > Go west The dock extends from the back of the warehouse down to the water level. The warehouse is to the south. A boat is tied up to the east. The inside of the warehouse is dimly visible through the open wooden door. > You go to the south The large warehouse is filled with crates and boxes. There is a large metal door to the south that leads to the pier and a large door to the north that leads to the dock. There is also a smaller door to the west that appears to lead to a small office. Along one wall of the warehouse you can see a stack of crates that you recognize as the crates that were just recently being unloaded from the boat. From the next room you see a flickering shadow. > You look at the crates You can't see inside, since the crates are closed. From the next room you hear muffled voices. > You open crates The crates are nailed shut. You try to pry off the top with your bare hands but your grip isn't strong enough for that. From the next room you hear elevated voices arguing. > You listen You listen closely and you hear a voice coming from the next room say, "Did you get everything unloaded from the boat?" "Yeah, boss. We got it all." > You listen You listen closely and you hear, "What are we going to do about that detective, boss?" "If we find him, you're going to kill him, Mickey Boy." > You listen You listen closely and you hear, "Good thing Ginger tipped you off to those two. Right, boss?" "And yet that detective is still making trouble, isn't he Weasel? Thanks to your incompetence." "Don't worry, boss. We'll get him." "You'd better." > You open the crate with the hammer (first taking the hammer) You loosen a few nails with the hammer and manage to pry off one of the lids. Pulling off the lid you find some tightly wrapped packages containing a substance which appears to be narcotics. It looks like Tony has been using his warehouse as a front for a drug smuggling operation. From the next room you hear movement. You think to yourself that Irene should have gone to the cops by now. With luck they should be arriving any minute. You might as well just hang around and wait for them at this point. > You go to the west Don't go, Sam. It's probably best for you to just wait here until the cops arrive. From the next room you see a flickering shadow. Is that a car you hear or are you just imagining it? > You open the metal door You walk boldly right up to the warehouse door and pull it open. Unfortunately, opening a large metal door makes an awful lot of noise, something which is particularly noticeable at this late hour. No sooner do you open the door when three men wearing dark suits and packing heat emerge from the nearby office. You immediately recognize two of them as your friends Mickey Boy and Weasel Face Flynn. You assume the third must be Mr. Gabriele himself. Tony points a .38 at you and says, "Mr. Fortune, I grow tired of this little game you've been playing. I would have thought that by now you would have learned not to go where you are not wanted." "Yeah, well, I've never been too good at that." "That's really too bad. Mickey Boy, Flynn, take Mr. Fortune for a ride in the boat. I've had enough of his meddling." "Sure, boss." Before you have time to react, Mickey Boy clubs the back of your head with his pistol and you drop like a sack of beans. It's a pity that Sam wasn't awake for that early morning boat ride into the middle of the harbor. The sunrise that morning was particularly impressive. Unfortunately, the anchor tied to his feet and the water in his lungs made sure that he would never see it. Ladies and gentlemen. That concludes tonight's episode of Sam Fortune - Private Investigator, sponsored by Muskrat Cigarettes. Tune in next week for our brand new series... Your mother clicks off the radio as you stare with your mouth open in disbelief. "I don't understand, ma! How could they kill off Sam? He can't die!" "Now, Junior. It's just a radio program. Perhaps the ratings weren't very good." > You wait awhile Time passes. From the next room you hear movement. Yes. You're sure you heard a couple of cars pull up in front of the building. It can't be long now. > Wait Time passes. From the next room you hear elevated voices arguing. I heard the sound of the large metal warehouse door being opened. Tony and his two thugs come running out of the office only to find five large policemen waiting for them. It didn't take but a moment for them to realize that they were outnumbered. The jig was up. I stepped out of the shadows and said, "Officers, I'm glad to see you. I think you'll want to take a look at what's in those crates over there. I think you'll discover that Mr. Gabriele and his stooges here have just received a large supply of narcotics. The other night Bob Watterson overheard them discussing this shipment and he must have been foolish enough to mention it to Ginger Andrews. She told Tony and he decided that they needed to shut him up. When I started digging around, they saw an opportunity to get rid of him permanently and pin it on me." Suddenly a dark shape with flowing red hair ran into the warehouse and threw her arms around me. "Sam! You're OK!" "Yeah, sweetheart. I'm just swell. You did good. You and Clancy's boys showed up just in time." I bent over and gave Irene a long passionate kiss. "Baby, we make a pretty good team. What say we blow this joint and go find somewhere to get better acquainted?" "Yes, Sam. I think I'd like that very much." Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes Act 2 of tonight's drama: The Case of the Missing Playboy. Sam Fortune: Private Investigator will return next week with an all new adventure but right now, stay tuned for Little Miss Abbey which will be heard over most of these IBS stations. > You look Nice digs! Bob sure knows how to live. The living room is large and very tastefully decorated. Through an alcove to the west you can see a dining room. To the east must be the bed room. Going south, opposite the front door, will take you to some sort of an open garden area. A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You sleep with fishes With time that might become a distinct possibility. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You look at the fish (the tropical fish) Pretty little critters. Pity you can't teach them to fetch your slippers. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You look at the fish (the tropical fish) Pretty little critters. Pity you can't teach them to fetch your slippers. Soft music plays over the radio. > You look at the tank The tank is just about the right size for a coffin and it's filled with dozens of tropical fish. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > You look at tank The tank is just about the right size for a coffin and it's filled with dozens of tropical fish. You briefly wonder what would happen if someone were to unplug the aerator. Have you ever seen what happens to fish when they get oxygen deprived? It's not a pretty sight. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You look at the tank The tank is just about the right size for a coffin and it's filled with dozens of tropical fish. A big band number is playing on the radio. > You enter the tank That's not something you can enter. Soft music plays over the radio. > You unplug the aerator Really, Sam. Don't you have more important things to do than torture helpless fishies? The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > Sing Your singing is abominable. Soft music plays over the radio. > Dance You dance a quick jig but it doesn't really help. All it does is make you feel a little foolish. A big band number is playing on the radio. > Plug sponsor What do you want to juggle? You think to yourself that nothing smokes like a Muskrat! The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > Plug key We only plug one product on this show: Muskrat Cigarettes. The radio station is playing a love song by one of those crooners who are so popular these days. > Fuck Whoa there, Sam! Do you want to get us taken off the air? A big band number is playing on the radio. > You sleep with the fish (the tropical fish) With time that might become a distinct possibility. Soft music plays over the radio. > You look at the radio This is a very attractive tabletop model in a walnut frame. The radio is currently switched on. Soft music plays over the radio. > You turn off the radio You switch the radio off.

[Themes: Mystery, noir] > You describe your surroundings Nice digs! Bob sure knows how to live. The living room is large and very tastefully decorated. Through an alcove to the west you can see a dining room. To the east must be the bed room. Going south, opposite the front door, will take you to some sort of an open garden area. A long, plush couch sits along one of the walls. A very large painting graces the wall across from the couch. A tropical fish tank sits underneath the painting. Beside the couch on a little end table is a radio. You can also see Bob Watterson's front door here.

[Themes: Mystery] > You look around The city train station is a big, imposing structure made by big men, designed to impress upon all the supremacy and majesty of the railroad. The columned behemoth of a building lies to the north, the gigantic entrance perched atop a short but magnificent flight of stairs like the entrance to some Greek temple. > You go north You are standing on the south side of the cavernous room that makes up the main waiting area of the train station. During the day, passengers would fill this room with activity but at this hour it is mostly empty. You can see the room stretching out in front of you to the north. Far to the north you can just make out the set of stairs that descend to the platforms. Behind you, to the south, is the doorway that leads back outside. You can see one of the city's finest patrolling the room. As long as you stay here near the entrance, you can probably avoid his gaze but you'll need to find some way to cross the room without attracting his attention. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area for now but it appears that he'll soon be heading your way. It's probably best to wait here until you've learned his movements. > You go north You're halfway across the waiting area. There is a small gift shop to the west and some ticket windows to the east. Far to the north, you can see the stairs to the platforms. An equal distance to the south, you can see the main entrance. The policeman arrives from the north. You turn up your collar and turn your back to the policeman as he arrives in the hopes that he wont recognize you but it's no good. He immediately recognizes you and blows his whistle. Soon there are cops arriving from all directions. There is a brief struggle as the cops surround you. By the time it's over, they've added assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest to your growing list of charges. The cops toss you in the back of a squad car and take you downtown. After a brief stay in the city slammer, you're brought up on murder charges. You try to convince Clancy to help you but the best that he can do is recommend a good lawyer. "Time for bed, Junior" your mother says as she turns off the radio. "But, ma! They just arrested Sam! Can't I please stay up a little longer and hear how get gets out of it?" "Sorry. You have school in the morning. You'll just have to ask your friends about it at school tomorrow." > You get the monkey Taken. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. > You wait for a while Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. Time passes. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. Time passes. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. > You wait awhile Time passes. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north. Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north. Time passes. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north. > Go east You're standing in front of a row of ticket windows. At this late hour they are all closed. The waiting room is behind you to the west. The policeman is patrolling the north end of the waiting area. > You buy the ticket Nothing is on sale. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south. > You examine the windows (the large windows) You see nothing special about the large windows. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading south.

[Themes: Mystery, noir] > Go down The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. You are standing on the north side of the waiting area. Far to the south, across the huge room, you can see the entrance to the building. Below you, to the north, you can see the stairs that descend down to the platforms. The policeman is patrolling the south end of the waiting area. You're standing at the top of the flight of stairs leading down to the platforms. To the south, you can see the whole of the waiting area. You're well concealed so there is no fear of being spotted by the policeman who is patrolling there. Down and to the north, you can just make out part of the lower level of the train station. The policeman is crossing the center of the waiting area, heading north. The lower level of the train station is a large space which opens on to three platforms. Directly in front of you, to the north, is the central platform, to the north east is the east platform, and to the north west is the west platform. Naturally, there are train tracks running between the platforms. There are numerous pillars supporting the high arched ceiling. The stairs that lead back to the waiting area are behind you, to the south. You can barely make out a figure on the central platform which you hope must be Irene. Between you and the central platform stands a policeman. You can only assume that he's looking for you. > You drop the monkey Dropped. > You sleep with the monkey Ary you crazy Sam? He's distracted! Now's you chance! Don't spoil it! The monkey is making a terrible racket. > Go north You are standing on the central platform, with tracks on either side of you leading north into the darkness. Behind you, to the south, you can see the policeman examining the monkey with a puzzled look on his face. You can see Irene Scarlet here. The monkey is making a terrible racket. > You sleep with Irene Are you deliberately trying to get us into trouble with the FCC? The monkey is making a terrible racket.

[Themes: Science Fiction, Humor, silly, romance, superhero, male protagonist] Great. Just great. You had big plans for this evening. Romantic plans, involving candlelight, strawberries, and your favorite superhero, EnigmaGirl, whom you have finally gotten to agree to a date... And you were going to show her your new design, too. But getting out of here with your pride and your prototype rocket pants isn't going to be easy with MonkeyMan Shatner breathing down your neck. Copyright 2001, Emily Short The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. On the desk are a pair of rocket pants (which are closed). MonkeyMan Shatner is here, breathing just left of down your neck. > Examine What do you want to examine? > About you As good-looking as ever. > You examine the desk A huge steel contraption styled like a vintage Cadillac. Its capacious drawers contain all that you require in your work, and spiderlike robot arms hover above its surface to help you in your manufactury. The desk is currently switched off. > You examine the pants Your ticket out of here. Not now, in the literal sense, but later, in the eventual sense. These are of your design and your construction: breezy, kicky styling that all the girls and guys will be crazy for, capacious cargo pockets, and a pair of afterburners you wouldn't BELIEVE. The rocket pants are currently switched off. > You look at Shatner William Shatner used to have this job after things went awry over at Priceline, but now it's pretty much done by an extra in a monkey suit. Hard to tell the difference, really. He just goes around and bugs people. Also, for reasons best not explored, he's wearing a little French beret, to which he is strangely attached. > You turn on the desk No need; you're done for the evening. > You turn on the pants Turn those things on inside? That'd be suicide! > You get the pants Taken.

[Themes: Science Fiction, Humor, romance] > Look around The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. MonkeyMan Shatner is here, breathing just left of down your neck. > You ask Shatner about the pants "Yes, I am already well-aware of zis contraption, M. Whatever. Believe me, I am not in ze least impressed." > You ask Shatner about yourself He yawns broadly. > You go north "Monsieur ... um. Surely you do not mean to LEAVE with zis COMPANY MERCHANDISE???" The correct answer, for the uncertain, is to shake your head slowly. Which you do. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a pair of rocket pants > You wear the pants You slide the pants on. They fit like... like a glove for legs. > Go north His little eyes are WATCHING you. Everywhere you go. > You buy the pants Nothing is on sale. > You take off the pants You take off the rocket pants. > You hit Shatner EnigmaGirl would be SO DISAPPOINTED in you. > You look at Shatner William Shatner used to have this job after things went awry over at Priceline, but now it's pretty much done by an extra in a monkey suit. Hard to tell the difference, really. He just goes around and bugs people. Also, for reasons best not explored, he's wearing a little French beret, to which he is strangely attached. > You drop the pants Dropped. > You go north So-called even though the only thing they really do around here is throw stuff at people. Also, they work better hours than you. In other words, everyone's gone home for the day. A largeish contraption points south. A banana rests on the floor nearby. Someone's lunch, no doubt. > You get the banana Taken. > You examine the banana Sadly green. > You look at the contraption It looks as though, if you put the least little thing in it, that thing will be hurled with great force. DANGEROUS, the crap they keep around here. One day you're going to be KILLED. > You put the banana in the contraption With graceful force, the banana arcs into the air, over the nearby desks, unmistakeably in the direction of MonkeyMan Shatner. What happens next is a little hazy. First of all, the Ride of the Valkyrie starts up on the factory intercom. Second, a pair of hitherto unnoticed and generally locked doors at the east end of the factory opens up. Third, in comes a cavalcade of nude polo players. They stream through like the area like the Naturalist Apocalypse, departing through hitherto undetected and assuredly not-available-for-your-use doors to the west. When the dust clears and the music ends, Shatner is gone. All that remains is his beret, staked to the back wall with a single banana. > You go south The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. You can also see a pair of rocket pants (which are closed) here. > You go to the south The Out Escalator -- one way transportation for people on the go. It's pretty jammed at this time of evening, all your coworkers in their green and yellow uniforms jostling each other to get out... You scoot along the automated OUT escalator until you arrive at... One look at the parking lot tells you what you might already have guessed: the traffic is going to be backed up from here to the Schuykill Expressway, and if you have any plans to meet EnigmaGirl in a timely fashion, you'd better find another way than in you trusty automobile. What it comes down to is this. How much do you trust your own mad stitching skillz? > You turn on the pants There's an exhilarating vibration all around your-- er-- hmm. Well anyway, you blast off, is the main point. To the accompaniment of loud cheers and honking horns. And soon find yourself... You're currently in midair some hundreds of feet over the Schuykill River. Off down and kind of to the southwest, you can see your front yard. > Go southwest You descend with more abruptness than majesty, right through the sticky limbs of your tree... Characterized by a large tree. Otherwise, it's pretty much just a patch of dirt that you haven't gotten around to seeding. The rocket pants have been your life, night and day: you haven't got time for mundane gardening. Just to the west is the front door of your lovely abode. > You go west What, without switching off the rocket pants? You'll set the crepes suzette on fire. Ahead of time. > You turn off the pants You switch the rocket pants off. > You go west Prepared for the evening in advance. You may be an engineer, but you do have a spark of romance in you: the candles are already laid out on the table, the bottle of wine is chilling, your CD player is ready-prepared with romantically Enigmatic music. In honor of the occasion you've cut a large question mark out of sparkly cardboard and hung it from the ceiling. It's these little touches a girl will appreciate. You could sure use a shower, though. > Wait Just as you are about to wait, the doorbell rings! You fling it open and in she walks. "Hello, Mister-- uh--" "Grisham," you say hastily, "just Grisham, though if you don't like that my middle name is Peter, but--" "Hi." She shoots you a sparkly smile. "I guess I don't need to introduce myself, right?" You swallow. Introduce herself? Half the energy you put into this date was in the form of scraping her publicity pics off every available surface... The place does look a little bare, come to that. > You examine EnigmaGirl She looks... stunning. Sheathed from head to toe in a black lycra bodysuit, the question-mark picked out in silver on each sleeve; her hair drawn back and her lovely eyes concealed by a pair of dark shades. "So, like," EnigmaGirl says, looking around nervously. "You said you had something you wanted to, like, show me?" > Show pants to EnigmaGirl "Oooh!!" Her eyes light up and she takes the pants from your offering hands. "May I?" Confidently she steps into them and zips them up. Funny how well they fit her-- but then, you made them self-adjusting pants. "The way they work is --" "I think I know how they work, geekboy," she says, her smile flashing. "I've only been scheming to get my hands on them for the past two years." Her hands smooth down the pockets and she checks herself for wrinkles in the mirror. "God, nice styling." "You should see the way they--" "Fly? Don't worry, I will." "But, um, wait up a sec, okay?" You smile nervously. This isn't going quite as planned. "I'm supposed to take them back, I just wanted to show you but if I lose them my job is gone, they are very valuable PROTOTYPE PANTS..." You find yourself talking with greater and greater rapidity as she strides towards the door and flings it open. "Who're you trying to kid, loser? Do you think I came on this date because I wanted to see YOU?" And with those cruel words, she's gone in a khaki flash.

> Describe the surroundings Three days later, you're sitting in Your Abode, shredding your cardboard question mark with your bare hands and watching tv from the comfort of unemployment. All the news is full of EnigmaGirl and her daring aerial rescue of Antonio Banderas. And all you can do is weep.

[Themes: Humor, Science Fiction, silly] > You look at your surroundings Prepared for the evening in advance. You may be an engineer, but you do have a spark of romance in you: the candles are already laid out on the table, the bottle of wine is chilling, your CD player is ready-prepared with romantically Enigmatic music. In honor of the occasion you've cut a large question mark out of sparkly cardboard and hung it from the ceiling. It's these little touches a girl will appreciate. Nothing else to do now but wait. You can see an EnigmaGirl here. EnigmaGirl shifts from one foot to the other, looking a little impatient and uncertain. > You wear the pants You slide the pants on. They fit like... like a glove for legs. "Okay, like, fine." Evidently tired of your futzing around, she takes off... leaving you ALONE and overendowed with useless pantsage. Story of your life.

[Themes: Humor, Science Fiction, silly, superhero] > You describe your surroundings Prepared for the evening in advance. You may be an engineer, but you do have a spark of romance in you: the candles are already laid out on the table, the bottle of wine is chilling, your CD player is ready-prepared with romantically Enigmatic music. In honor of the occasion you've cut a large question mark out of sparkly cardboard and hung it from the ceiling. It's these little touches a girl will appreciate. Nothing else to do now but wait. You can see an EnigmaGirl here. "Okay, like, fine." Evidently tired of your futzing around, she takes off... leaving you ALONE and overendowed with useless pantsage. Story of your life. > You go north So-called even though the only thing they really do around here is throw stuff at people. Also, they work better hours than you. In other words, everyone's gone home for the day. A largeish contraption points south. A banana rests on the floor nearby. Someone's lunch, no doubt. > You go south The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. On the desk are a pair of rocket pants (which are closed). > You take all desk: That's fixed in place. > You wait for a while Time passes. > Break pants Dropped. Violence isn't the answer to this one.

> You look at your surroundings You're currently in midair some hundreds of feet over the Schuykill River. Off down and kind of to the southwest, you can see your front yard. You can see a pair of rocket pants (which are closed) here. > You go east You can go only southwest or down.

[Themes: Science Fiction, Humor, silly] > Go downward You descend with more abruptness than majesty, right through the sticky limbs of your tree... Characterized by a large tree. Otherwise, it's pretty much just a patch of dirt that you haven't gotten around to seeding. The rocket pants have been your life, night and day: you haven't got time for mundane gardening. Just to the west is the front door of your lovely abode. > Go upwards Just leaving the rocket pants in the front yard is an invitation to theft by the wily.

> Look around Characterized by a large tree. Otherwise, it's pretty much just a patch of dirt that you haven't gotten around to seeding. The rocket pants have been your life, night and day: you haven't got time for mundane gardening. Just to the west is the front door of your lovely abode.

[Themes: Science Fiction, Humor, superhero] > Describe the surroundings The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. > You go to the south The Out Escalator -- one way transportation for people on the go. It's pretty jammed at this time of evening, all your coworkers in their green and yellow uniforms jostling each other to get out... You scoot along the automated OUT escalator until you arrive at... One look at the parking lot tells you what you might already have guessed: the traffic is going to be backed up from here to the Schuykill Expressway, and if you have any plans to meet EnigmaGirl in a timely fashion, you'd better find another way than in you trusty automobile. What it comes down to is this. How much do you trust your own mad stitching skillz? > You wear the pants You're already wearing those! > You turn on the pants There's an exhilarating vibration all around your-- er-- hmm. Well anyway, you blast off, is the main point. To the accompaniment of loud cheers and honking horns. And soon find yourself... You're currently in midair some hundreds of feet over the Schuykill River. Off down and kind of to the southwest, you can see your front yard. > Go southwest You descend with more abruptness than majesty, right through the sticky limbs of your tree... Characterized by a large tree. Otherwise, it's pretty much just a patch of dirt that you haven't gotten around to seeding. The rocket pants have been your life, night and day: you haven't got time for mundane gardening. Just to the west is the front door of your lovely abode. > You look at tree You've never been much for botany. It could be just about anything. > You climb the tree Whatever kind of thing it is, it is not a climbable kind of thing. Oh well. > Go inside You can go only west. > You go west Prepared for the evening in advance. You may be an engineer, but you do have a spark of romance in you: the candles are already laid out on the table, the bottle of wine is chilling, your CD player is ready-prepared with romantically Enigmatic music. In honor of the occasion you've cut a large question mark out of sparkly cardboard and hung it from the ceiling. It's these little touches a girl will appreciate. You could sure use a shower, though. > You get the pants You already have those. > You get all table: That's hardly portable. > You look at the table Okay, so it's a folding table. You usually eat standing over the sink. What of it, anyway? > Wait Just as you are about to wait, the doorbell rings! You fling it open and in she walks. "Hello, Mister-- uh--" "Grisham," you say hastily, "just Grisham, though if you don't like that my middle name is Peter, but--" "Hi." She shoots you a sparkly smile. "I guess I don't need to introduce myself, right?" You swallow. Introduce herself? Half the energy you put into this date was in the form of scraping her publicity pics off every available surface... The place does look a little bare, come to that. > You go outside But you aren't in anything at the moment. "So, like," EnigmaGirl says, looking around nervously. "You said you had something you wanted to, like, show me?" > You check your inventory You are carrying: a pair of rocket pants (being worn) EnigmaGirl shifts from one foot to the other, looking a little impatient and uncertain. > Show table to EnigmaGirl (first taking the table) That's hardly portable. EnigmaGirl shifts from one foot to the other, looking a little impatient and uncertain. > You turn on the pants Turn those things on inside? That'd be suicide! "Okay, like, fine." Evidently tired of your futzing around, she takes off... leaving you ALONE and overendowed with useless pantsage. Story of your life. > You ask EnigmaGirl about the pants "Sounds fabulous! May I see?" "So, like," EnigmaGirl says, looking around nervously. "You said you had something you wanted to, like, show me?" > You ask EnigmaGirl about herself There is no reply. EnigmaGirl shifts from one foot to the other, looking a little impatient and uncertain. > Kiss enigmagirl No no, you've got a careful strategy all worked out here. The way it works is, you win her undying admiration, THEN sweep her into your manly arms. "Okay, like, fine." Evidently tired of your futzing around, she takes off... leaving you ALONE and overendowed with useless pantsage. Story of your life. > You take all EnigmaGirl: I don't suppose the EnigmaGirl would care for that. table: That's hardly portable. "So, like," EnigmaGirl says, looking around nervously. "You said you had something you wanted to, like, show me?" > You show yourself to EnigmaGirl (first taking yourself) You are always self-possessed. EnigmaGirl shifts from one foot to the other, looking a little impatient and uncertain. > Punch enigmagirl Are you out of your mind? "Okay, like, fine." Evidently tired of your futzing around, she takes off... leaving you ALONE and overendowed with useless pantsage. Story of your life. > Y. Great. Just great. You had big plans for this evening. Romantic plans, involving candlelight, strawberries, and your favorite superhero, EnigmaGirl, whom you have finally gotten to agree to a date... And you were going to show her your new design, too. But getting out of here with your pride and your prototype rocket pants isn't going to be easy with MonkeyMan Shatner breathing down your neck. Copyright 2001, Emily Short The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. On the desk are a pair of rocket pants (which are closed). MonkeyMan Shatner is here, breathing just left of down your neck. > You go north So-called even though the only thing they really do around here is throw stuff at people. Also, they work better hours than you. In other words, everyone's gone home for the day. A largeish contraption points south. A banana rests on the floor nearby. Someone's lunch, no doubt. > You go east You can go only south. > You go north So-called even though the only thing they really do around here is throw stuff at people. Also, they work better hours than you. In other words, everyone's gone home for the day. A largeish contraption points south. > You go to the south What, leave without the pants? They were the whole point! You're going to show them to EnigmaGirl and she's going to understand that you're the one, you're the guy with the brains and the heart to be HER man. And then you'll be turning up in a tuxedo at all her superhero events and somehow look considerably more like Antonio Banderas and... Anyway the point is you'd better snag the pants before you leave, or the rest of the evening is shot. > You get all sky: You can't reach from here. > You examine the sky A cloudless bowl, pale blue. > You get the tree That's hardly portable. > You get all sky: You can't reach from here. large tree: That's hardly portable.

[Themes: Science Fiction, Humor, romance, male protagonist, silly] > You ask Shatner about EnigmaGirl "Let me tell you zomezink, my friend. Zat girl, she is dangerous. She has been tryink for years go get her hands upon zese rocket-pants..." And in a few brief words (marshalling, nonetheless, some compelling evidence), he shatters your illusions forever. So much for love, so much for justice, so much for black lycra and sparkly kisses. She's only in it for the publicity. You know that now. And you'll never be taken in again. > You go south The great assembly floor of 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants,' which stretches in every direction as far as the eye can see. Particularly to the north, where some of your buddies with the propulsion labs work. South lies the Way Out. Before you sits your desk. On the desk are a pair of rocket pants (which are closed). MonkeyMan Shatner is here, breathing just left of down your neck. > You show the banana to Shatner The MonkeyMan sneers at your pitiful offering. "Zis banana ees harder zan a roque," he says. "A what?" "A roque!" "I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I've--"

[Themes: Humor] TOOTH OW ZUNDEN WON! The "Screaming Yak" Curd Diner One of Io's more successful chains, the Screaming Yak serves the best curd around, and remains popular despite the hamster infestation that has plagued it for almost eight years. The glass double-doors that open out into the moon's surface are to the east, while a door marked "NO ENTRY" lies to the south. A surly person is standing behind the counter. His name tag says "HELLO. My name is BRUTUS THE CHIHUAHUA." A menu is hanging on the wall.

[Themes: Humor] > About yourself As good-looking as ever. > You look at the menu Please make your order by kissing the attendant the number of times given for the item. (3) DOLLOP OF GENERIC CURD (42) CURD WITH CROUTONS (88) LESSER-BUTTOCKED VENUSIAN SNAIL SALAD (6) GRAPE We guarantee that our curd is made with the finest generic ingredients available on Io. > Kiss brutus 88 times You smooch the surly person behind the counter eighty-eight times. "We're out of lesser-buttocked Venusian snail." says Brutus. > Kiss brutus 42 times You smooch the surly person behind the counter forty-two times. "The crouton machine's busted." > Kiss brutus 6 times You smooch the surly person behind the counter six times. Brutus hands you a grape. > Grape Ok. > You eat the grape You find a fun prize razorblade inside. > Kiss brutus 3 times You smooch the surly person behind the counter three times. Brutus grabs a handful of curd from somewhere and chucks it straight into your inventory. > You examine the curd You can't fail to deny it doesn't look unappetizing. You feel something brush against your leg. You look down, to see a tiny hamster scuffling about at your feet. > You take the hamster Taken. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > Kiss brutus 999 times You smooch the surly person behind the counter nine hundred and ninety-nine times. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand.

[Themes: Humor] > Look around The "Screaming Yak" Curd Diner One of Io's more successful chains, the Screaming Yak serves the best curd around, and remains popular despite the hamster infestation that has plagued it for almost eight years. The glass double-doors that open out into the moon's surface are to the east, while a door marked "NO ENTRY" lies to the south. A surly person is standing behind the counter. His name tag says "HELLO. My name is BRUTUS THE CHIHUAHUA." A menu is hanging on the wall. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > Go east The doors appear to have been sealed with dried curd. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > You go south Brutus pulls you back. "Employees only," he mutters. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > You ask Brutus about the diner "Don't you want to ask me about the hamsters?" The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > You ask Brutus about the hamsters "It's the curd. They love the stuff, the vermin bastards. That's why we've all been issued these aerosol cans." The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > You cut the curd What do you want to cut the dollop of curd with? > Blade Cutting that up would achieve little. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > You put the hamster on the curd Putting things on the dollop of curd would achieve nothing. The hamster nibbles at the curd in your hand. > You throw the hamster at Brutus Brutus pulls an aerosol can behind the counter and sprays the hamster with it. The hamster disintegrates with a shriek. Brutus puts the aerosol can on the counter. > You look at the can Mmm, CFCs. > You get it Mmm, CFCs. Brutus stops you. "I need that for the hamsters." > You cut Brutus with the blade Cutting him up would achieve little. > You show the blade to Brutus The surly person behind the counter is unimpressed.

[Themes: Humor] > You describe your surroundings The "Screaming Yak" Curd Diner One of Io's more successful chains, the Screaming Yak serves the best curd around, and remains popular despite the hamster infestation that has plagued it for almost eight years. The glass double-doors that open out into the moon's surface are to the east, while a door marked "NO ENTRY" lies to the south. On the counter is an aluminium... oh, all right, aluminum aerosol can. A surly person is standing behind the counter. His name tag says "HELLO. My name is BRUTUS THE CHIHUAHUA." A menu is hanging on the wall. > You cut the menu (with the razor blade) Cutting that up would achieve little. > You cut can (with the razor blade) You slash the can with the razor blade. A cloud of green gas spews out, and floats upwards. It hits the ceiling, which crumples to dust, allowing several tons of croutons to drop down from the floor above onto Brutus's head. He never stood a chance. > You get the croutons There's too much here to take in one go. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a razor blade > You go north The "Screaming Yak" Curd Diner There is a huge pile of croutons right where that Brutus guy was standing. On the counter is an aluminium... oh, all right, aluminum aerosol can. A menu is hanging on the wall. > Yes That was a rhetorical question. > You get can Taken. > You eat the croutons (first taking the gigantic stack of croutons) There's too much here to take in one go. > You look at the can Mmm, CFCs. > You take the can You already have that. > You build the ladder What do you want to build ladder from? > Examine menu On the back you find full instructions for building a sturdy ladder from croutons. > You build the ladder from the croutons You rapidly assemble a ladder from the croutons. > You drop the ladder Dropped. > You climb the ladder You climb the ladder, and enter the hole.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] This is the job that all men in white coats dream of...a potential epidemic. The details were sparse but menacing - mysterious, unexplained deaths in the isolated Dales village of Skebdale. The authorities had no choice but to send you, their most experienced environmental health agent, to check things out. Unfortunately it looks more like a job for Bond than for Herriot... Type 'help' for...er...help. Type 'quotes on/off' to toggle box quotations, in case they obscure text. Standard interpreter 1.0 A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. [Author's Note: Strange Things have been happening in Skebdale - and not just the BSE crisis, either. Rumours about devil-worshipping and all manner of strange happenings. Can you, as the unfortunate soul dispatched by the powers that be to investigate, unravel the mystery?] > You check your inventory You are carrying: a faxed note a remote control (which is closed) > You examine remote A beautifully styled black handset with an invitingly red button in the middle. A small panel on the back allows you to change the battery. > You read the note Your instructions from head office, scribbled untidily and faxed to you without regard for legibility. Peering at the note you can only make out a few words: Reference: DCK 817S Operation: Red-Chevette Task: Agent 398-MUGWUG reports serious epidemic risk in Skebdale region of Yorkshire. Agent claims cross-over risk of BSE without beef consumption. Use operation codeword to gain contact, he will be lying low in disguise. If possible also investigate allegations of widespread devil worship in Skebdale area. Agent reports possible links. > About you As good-looking as ever. > You open the remote You open the remote control, revealing a burnt-out battery. > You get the battery Taken. > You examine the battery Enter saved game to store: Ok. A small, round, lithium watch-battery, charred almost out of recognition and presumably run-down. > You look at car Dented from countless brushes with marauding cattle, your car looks three times its age. In fact it is fitted out with all mod cons, including an electric sunroof, in-car CD player, and remote locking system. (The latter comes in very useful when escaping from marauding cattle.) > You open gate You open the wooden gate. > Go northeast This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west stands open. You really should shut it or anything could happen. A crumpled leaflet, presumably discarded by a passing tourist, blows back and forth in the gentle summer breeze. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > You look around This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west stands open. You really should shut it or anything could happen. A crumpled leaflet, presumably discarded by a passing tourist, blows back and forth in the gentle summer breeze. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The chickens wander out through the farm gate in their never-ending quest for nourishment. > Go southwest An open wooden gate leads into a farmyard to the north-east. The chickens are scattered across the road, sounding out every last nook and cranny for nourishment. You had better get them back into the farmyard before they're run over by a bus full of ramblers. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. > You shut the gate You close the wooden gate.

> You look around A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. The chickens are scattered across the road, sounding out every last nook and cranny for nourishment. You had better get them back into the farmyard before they're run over by a bus full of ramblers. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. There is a sudden flash of lightning and a distant rumble of thunder, warning of impending gloom.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > You look around A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. The chickens are scattered across the road, sounding out every last nook and cranny for nourishment. You had better get them back into the farmyard before they're run over by a bus full of ramblers. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. > You climb gate You hop over the closed gate... This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A crumpled leaflet, presumably discarded by a passing tourist, blows back and forth in the gentle summer breeze. > You read the leaflet The leaflet has been torn, mud-bespattered, and generally maltreated, and as such you can make out very little, but it seems to cover topics as wide ranging as sheep varieties, weather forecasting and the country code. It also includes a badly typeset advert for a badly typeset computer game called 'LSE' by Shirc Shimt. > You look up Sheep in the leaflet Apparently there are three main varieties of sheep found in Skebdale: the hardy Skebdale Mountain Sheep, the fatter, more cautious, Skebdale-Milton Keynes Cross, and, finally, the newly-bred Fliglot. There are individual paragraphs on each breed. > You look up mountain in the leaflet The Skebdale Mountain Sheep is an ancient breed, adapted to cope with grazing on steep moorland. It is world famous for its most unusual trait: the pair of legs on one side of any sheep are shorter than the pair on the other. This allows the sheep to walk around the mountain while remaining upright. There are two distinct strains: those with a left-leg bias, and those with a right-leg bias. Obviously interbreeding is impossible between the two strains of sheep due to simple geographical problems. This means that the two strains have drifted apart to form differing sub-species. The left-leg variety are the more common as they graze with the prevailing wind around the hills in Skebdale. The right-leg variety, however, tend to end up grazing against the wind. This means they graze more slowly as they must cope with more air resistance, and they have hence become the rarer breed. To overcome these aerodynamic difficulties the right-leg variety developed closer, shorter, more tight-knit coats that allowed them to move faster. However, in order to counterbalance the resulting heat loss, they have evolved thin, concentrated layers of fat beneath their skin. The Skebdale sheep has never spread further than a few hills in Skebdale as it is perfectly suited to the slope angle of Skebdale Pike. The leg-bias makes migration difficult and unrewarding, so the Skebdale Mountain Sheep remains an isolated and extraordinary specimen. > You look up Keynes in the leaflet The Skebdale Milton-Keynes Cross was a result of cross-breeding in the mid-nineteenth century (before the invention of ethics). It created a sheep ideally suited to living on the flat flood plain of Skebdale Beck. The Milton is possibly the exact opposite of the Skebdale mountain sheep. It is a low slung sheep which hugs the ground for warmth and protection, it's layers of fat and wool insulating it from temperatures lower than 30 degrees. A farmer's dream, it grazes slowly and steadily, producing perfectly mown stretches of grass, and yielding high quantities of wool, milk, and fat. The famous cricket pitch in Skebdale was brought to such a high degree of perfection due to a groundsman's brilliant idea. By releasing several Miltons at the right time and angle around the pitch, he created a perfect overlapping hexagonal cut, something very rarely seen on cricket pitches. It was this flash of inspiration that originally brought fame to Skebdale and resulted in the booming tourist industry that now flourishes there. The name of the sheep is not, in fact, derived from the town, but from the 19th century creators of the sheep, Mr. Milton and Mr. Keynes. (It is a little known fact that the town is actually named after the sheep, not the village of the same name. The developers were so impressed with the concept of a large, artificially created, easily manageable sheep, that they decided to apply exactly the same principles to town planning.) > You look up Fliglot in the leaflet The Fliglot was an experimental sheep first released in early June 1966. Bred by the now infamous farmers-cum-genetic-engineers Liz and Ned Brown, of Fliglot Farm, Skebdale, it had a short black coat, two straight, sharp horns, prominent hooves and a pointed swishy tail. Comments at the time likened it to a goat rather than a sheep, but it quite happily bred with the other breeds in Skebdale to produce a small flock of Fliglots. However, they were extremely lazy and unproductive, and also quite violent. In the late 1970s they broke free of their field in South Skebdale. There was a brief spurt of mysterious disappearances in the village the same week, accompanied by heavy storms. At the end of the week the Fliglots returned to their pen and peace returned to the village. Since then the sheep have been regarded as a good luck omen and guarded against escape at all costs. > Go north The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. A bright yellow floppy sou'wester hangs from one of the pegs, clashing badly with the corridor's decor. > You get yellow You take the sou'wester, revealing an electric socket underneath. > You look at the yellow The sou'wester is dazzlingly yellow. Glowingly mustard-hued, no less. > You search it You find nothing of interest. The wind picks up and the sky darkens as black rain-clouds appear on the western horizon. > You wear the hat You put on the sou'wester. > You wear yellow You're already wearing that! > You look at the rack A welly rack, made out of tough plastic-coated wire, screwed firmly into the wall about a foot from the floor. > Go east Painted in an uninspiring shade of pastel cream-gunk, the farmhouse kitchen has evolved over time into a mixture of modern and ancient appliances jumbled against the walls. Decorated with stains ranging from champagne to tomato ketchup, the ceiling has obviously seen country life in all its glory. A single rubber glove lies discarded upon the draining board. You can also see a kettle here. > You get the glove Taken. > You examine the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little cold water. I shouldn't waste it: after all, there is a water shortage in Skebdale at the moment. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched off. > You examine the glove You see nothing special about the rubber glove. Black cumulonimbus clouds tower over Skebdale to the north-west.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > Look around Painted in an uninspiring shade of pastel cream-gunk, the farmhouse kitchen has evolved over time into a mixture of modern and ancient appliances jumbled against the walls. Decorated with stains ranging from champagne to tomato ketchup, the ceiling has obviously seen country life in all its glory. > Go west The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. Built into the west wall under the pegs is an electric socket. > You put the kettle on the rack You balance the kettle on the welly rack. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) a burnt-out battery a faxed note a remote control (which is open but empty) > You examine the socket You see nothing special about the socket. A shadow falls over Skebdale as the clouds sweep in... > You drop the battery Dropped. > Go south This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A crumpled leaflet, presumably discarded by a passing tourist, blows back and forth in the gentle summer breeze. > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. The chickens are scattered across the road, sounding out every last nook and cranny for nourishment. You had better get them back into the farmyard before they're run over by a bus full of ramblers. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. Hailstones begin to fall to earth, melting on contact with the warm earth. > You open gate You open the wooden gate. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > Go northeast This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west stands open. You really should shut it or anything could happen. A crumpled leaflet, presumably discarded by a passing tourist, bounces crazily around beneath the force of the gale. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > You look at your surroundings This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west stands open. You really should shut it or anything could happen. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > Go southwest A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' rocks violently in the gale, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. An open wooden gate leads into a farmyard to the north-east. The chickens are scattered across the road, sounding out every last nook and cranny for nourishment. You had better get them back into the farmyard before they're run over by a bus full of ramblers. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You enter the car There's very little point getting in the car - you've got a job to do! But you might like to have a look in the boot... The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A garden fork has been rammed disrespectfully into a steaming compost heap in one corner of the garden. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a leaflet a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) a faxed note a remote control (which is open but empty) The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The owner of the house looks out at you, suspiciously. > You look at the owner He never bothers to prosecute trespassers: he has far better methods. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The farmer taps firmly on the window and shouts something unintelligible. > Wear glove You try and pull the glove on, but it is too small for either of your well-built hands. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. There is a creak as the window eases open and a rifle barrel sneaks through the crack.

> Look around A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A garden fork has been rammed disrespectfully into a steaming compost heap in one corner of the garden. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The farmer shouts "Get out of my garden or tha'll get what thee deserve!" > You get the fork Taken. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "I'll count to four!" he shouts. > You take fork You already have that. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "One..." > Go east You can't get inside the house. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Two..." > You go north A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' rocks violently in the gale, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. An open wooden gate leads into a farmyard to the north-east. The chickens are scattered across the road, sounding out every last nook and cranny for nourishment. You had better get them back into the farmyard before they're run over by a bus full of ramblers. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You look in the car The inside of your own car is familiar to you already. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. A bus sweeps down the dale like a steel monster, carrying a consignment of little old ladies towards the Vale of York. The chickens are helpless before the harbinger of death. All that remains are a few brown feathers, slowly drifting to earth... Suddenly the flying squad is upon you. Unmarked cars screech to a halt at your feet, amphibious vehicles roll up, dripping slime, from the mere, sending ducks flapping into the air, and Apache helicopters swoop down from the Pike, missiles trained on your slightest movement. You are arrested, tried, found guilty of leaving a gate wrongfully open and locked up in Broadmoor for an indefinite period of time decided by some fascist Tory minister in the Home Office. In short, you are well out of it. This is the job that all men in white coats dream of...a potential epidemic. The details were sparse but menacing - mysterious, unexplained deaths in the isolated Dales village of Skebdale. The authorities had no choice but to send you, their most experienced environmental health agent, to check things out. Unfortunately it looks more like a job for Bond than for Herriot... Type 'help' for...er...help. Type 'quotes on/off' to toggle box quotations, in case they obscure text. Standard interpreter 1.0 A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. > You look in car The inside of your own car is familiar to you already. > You open the boot It seems to be locked. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a faxed note a remote control (which is closed) > You examine remote A beautifully styled black handset with an invitingly red button in the middle. A small panel on the back allows you to change the battery. > You open panel You open the remote control, revealing a burnt-out battery. > You take the battery Taken. > You look at the battery A small, round, lithium watch-battery, charred almost out of recognition and presumably run-down. > You go north This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. > Examine tom A hunched old man in a tweed jacket and flat cap, smoking his pipe and supping his pint. > You examine Harry A hunched old man in a tweed jacket and almost flat cap, smoking his pint and supping his pipe. > You ask Harry about the beer "It's Sikstons' lad. 'Cheap, Cheerful, and Best Served Chilled.' If tha' want a pint, go and tek one, as the barman's not around." > You ask Harry about the cows "You'll have to ask Tom about that, lad." > You ask Tom about the cows There is a sudden flash of lightning and a distant rumble of thunder, warning of impending gloom. "Aye lad, I can tell thee something about cows." > You ask Tom about the cows "They can be big or small, depending which ones tha' look at," Tom explains excitedly. > You ask Tom about the cows "And they're black an' white," says Dick, adding, by way of explanation, "and sometimes brown." > You ask Tom about cows "Aye lad, I can tell thee something about cows." > You ask Dick about the cows "You'll have to ask Tom about that, lad." "They can be big or small, depending which ones tha' look at," Tom explains excitedly. > You ask Dick about Sheep "I've no idea what tha' mean, lad." "And they're black an' white," says Dick, adding, by way of explanation, "and sometimes brown." > You ask Tom about the devil "Now then, you'd have to be asking Old Harry about that, wouldn't you?" chuckles Tom. > You ask Harry about devil "There's more to things to say about him than there are men in this pub," advises Old Harry sagely. > You ask Harry about the devil "But remember lad, as this is the only advice I'll give thee." He summons himself for the revelation."Although it may sound clich?d," he whispers, "Old Nick can never change the colour of his eyes, even if he's staring thee in the face." > You ask Tom about the bse "You'll have to ask Dick about that, lad." "Only a fool would mess with him," he continues, "and don't I just know it." > You ask Dick about the bse "Oh aye, I know what tha' mean, lad." "But remember lad, as this is the only advice I'll give thee." He summons himself for the revelation."Although it may sound clich?d," he whispers, "Old Nick can never change the colour of his eyes, even if he's staring thee in the face." > You ask Dick about the bse "You mean destruction of nerve cells by rogue prion proteins leading to gradual deterioration of the brain and nervous system," says Dick quickly. > You ask Dick about the bse "Was that what tha' wanted to know, lad? Them scientists call it Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, but we call it Old 'arry's Game. I tell thee lad, its the devil behind them there mad cows an' I don't mean Jacques Santer." > You ask Dick about the bse The wind picks up and the sky darkens as black rain-clouds appear on the western horizon. "Oh aye, I know what tha' mean, lad." > You wait awhile Time passes. "You mean destruction of nerve cells by rogue prion proteins leading to gradual deterioration of the brain and nervous system," says Dick quickly. > Wait Time passes. "Was that what tha' wanted to know, lad? Them scientists call it Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, but we call it Old 'arry's Game. I tell thee lad, its the devil behind them there mad cows an' I don't mean Jacques Santer." > Wait Time passes. > You leave You'll have to say which compass direction to go in. > Go southeast A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. > You open gate You open the wooden gate. > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A crumpled leaflet, presumably discarded by a passing tourist, blows back and forth in the gentle summer breeze. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. > You examine the chickens A group of ordinary farmyard chickens, including the obligatory cockerel with show-off red comb. Black cumulonimbus clouds tower over Skebdale to the north-west. > You examine the clouds They're big, black, and horrible. > Go east Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. > You look at the tractor The tractor was presumably new once (most things were), but its paint has started to peel off, with bubbles of rust forming all over the bodywork. The makers mark on the side reads simply 'Case International'. > You climb the tractor You climb up the tractor onto its roof. A shadow falls over Skebdale as the clouds sweep in...

> Look around Barn (on the roof) Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Go downward You'll have to get off the roof first. > You get down That isn't available. Hailstones begin to fall to earth, melting on contact with the warm earth.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Go downwards You'll have to get off the roof first. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You leave You'll have to say which compass direction to go in. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You stand You get off the roof. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You get off This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You go north You can't go that way. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You go northeast You can't go that way. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You go to the north The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. A bright yellow floppy sou'wester hangs from one of the pegs, clashing badly with the corridor's decor. The storm continues at full force outside. > You take the hat You take the sou'wester, revealing an electric socket underneath. The storm continues at full force outside. > You wear the hat You put on the sou'wester. The storm continues at full force outside. > You examine rack A welly rack, made out of tough plastic-coated wire, screwed firmly into the wall about a foot from the floor. The storm continues at full force outside. > Go upwards You don't want to disturb the inhabitants privacy too much, and besides, your scared of the dark. The storm continues at full force outside. > You go east Painted in an uninspiring shade of pastel cream-gunk, the farmhouse kitchen has evolved over time into a mixture of modern and ancient appliances jumbled against the walls. Decorated with stains ranging from champagne to tomato ketchup, the ceiling has obviously seen country life in all its glory. A single rubber glove lies discarded upon the draining board. You can also see a kettle here. The storm continues at full force outside. > You take the glove Taken. The storm continues at full force outside. > You examine the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little cold water. I shouldn't waste it: after all, there is a water shortage in Skebdale at the moment. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched off. The storm continues at full force outside. > You examine the glove You see nothing special about the rubber glove. The storm continues at full force outside. > Wear glove You try and pull the glove on, but it is too small for either of your well-built hands. The storm continues at full force outside. > You look at the ceiling You see nothing special about the ceiling. The storm continues at full force outside. > You go to the west The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. Built into the west wall under the pegs is an electric socket. The storm continues at full force outside. > Go west The farmhouse's lounge closely resembles a bomb site. An old sofa, covered in ragged blankets and thin cushions, is positioned opposite a large TV and a wide, open fireplace. The window, hung with clashing flowery curtains, faces out onto the farmyard. A door in the east wall leads out to the hall. Laid out in front of the fireplace is a thick hearth-rug, covered in dog hair. Curled up on the rug there is, of course, a dog. The unusually violent storm suddenly dies and Skebdale is silent and peaceful once more. > You look at the dog A sleek, speckled, black and white border collie. The archetypal sheepdog, it is laid out flat after a hard night spent sleeping. > You wake dog The collie, moving like lightning, tries to bite your hand off, but you withdraw just in time. > You examine the hair The rug is even thicker than an agriculture minister. > You take the rug It's a bit to bulky to carry around with you. > You move the rug The mat seems to be fixed down at one end. > You go east The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. Built into the west wall under the pegs is an electric socket. > Go south This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. > Go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. A garden fork has been rammed disrespectfully into a steaming compost heap in one corner of the garden. > You search the bed In amongst the bushes you find a garish pink toy pistol. You can well imagine that it would come in useful here - there is a direct shot straight across the street. The owner of the house looks out at you, suspiciously. > You take the fork You're carrying too many things already. The farmer taps firmly on the window and shouts something unintelligible. > Inventory You are carrying: a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) a leaflet a burnt-out battery a faxed note a remote control (which is open but empty) There is a creak as the window eases open and a rifle barrel sneaks through the crack. > You put the battery in the remote You put the burnt-out battery into the remote control. The farmer shouts "Get out of my garden or tha'll get what thee deserve!" > You take the fork Taken. "I'll count to four!" he shouts. > You drop the note You feel guilty about having despoiled the countryside. Litter-bugs only have a few chances before they are caught red-handed. "One..." > You take the pistol Taken. "Two..." > You shoot the farmer with the pistol You pull the trigger but nothing comes out. "Three..." > Go north A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. > You drop the pistol You feel guilty about having despoiled the countryside. Litter-bugs only have a few chances before they are caught red-handed. > You go north This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. > You go to the southeast A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. You can also see a toy pistol here. > Go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. You can also see a faxed note here. "Three..." > You drop all garden fork: Dropped. rubber glove: Dropped. leaflet: You feel guilty about having despoiled the countryside. Litter-bugs only have a few chances before they are caught red-handed. faxed note: You feel guilty about having despoiled the countryside. Litter-bugs only have a few chances before they are caught red-handed. remote control: Dropped. > You go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. You can also see a toy pistol here. "I'll count to four!" he shouts. > You take all rain clouds: It's hard to pick up an accumulation of water vapour half a mile above your head. angry farmer: I don't suppose the angry farmer would care for that. toy pistol: Taken. flower bed: That's hardly portable. "One..." > Go east You can't get inside the house. "Two..." > You go north A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. A crumpled leaflet, heartlessly discarded by yourself just moments ago, blows back and forth in the gentle summer breeze. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. You can also see a remote control (in which is a burnt-out battery), a faxed note, a rubber glove and a garden fork here. > You take all rain clouds: It's hard to pick up an accumulation of water vapour half a mile above your head. wooden gate: That's fixed in place. remote control: Taken. faxed note: Taken. leaflet: Taken. rubber glove: Taken. garden fork: You're carrying too many things already. sign: That's hardly portable. Volvo: It's a tad heavy to pick up. boot: That's hardly portable. > You examine the fork The six-pronged garden fork seems to be quite expensive. The handle is made of some sort of exotic, dark wood, and just below the triangular hand-hold there is a small silver plaque, inscribed simply with a single ornamented letter D. > Inventory You are carrying: a rubber glove a leaflet a faxed note a remote control (which is open) a burnt-out battery a toy pistol a sou'wester (being worn) > You drop the glove Dropped. > You look at the pistol The pistol is an uninspiring shade of washed-out pink, but makes up for it with the battery-powered sound effects generator tagged on to the handle. Its pea-sized water tank is currently empty. > You open the generator You open the sound-effects generator, revealing a watch battery. > You take the battery Which do you mean, the burnt-out battery or the watch battery? > You take the watch battery You're carrying too many things already. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a garden fork a leaflet a faxed note a remote control (which is open) a burnt-out battery a toy pistol a sou'wester (being worn) > You drop the fork and the leaflet garden fork: Dropped. leaflet: Dropped. > You put the watch battery in the remote You put the watch battery into the remote control. > Close remote You close the remote control. > You take the fork and the leaflet garden fork: Taken. leaflet: Taken. > You show the fork to Dick Old Dick is unimpressed. > You go to the southeast A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' swings in the sunshine, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. You can also see a rubber glove here. > Unlock Volvo What do you want to unlock the Volvo with? > You examine remote A beautifully styled black handset with an invitingly red button in the middle. A small panel on the back allows you to change the battery. > You open the car You open the Volvo. > You get in Volvo There's very little point getting in the car - you've got a job to do! But you might like to have a look in the boot... > You open the boot You open the boot, revealing a briefcase, a white coat and a key ring. > You open the briefcase It seems to be locked. > You unlock the briefcase with the keys You unlock the briefcase. > Inventory You are carrying: a key ring a leaflet a garden fork a faxed note a remote control (which is closed) a sou'wester (being worn) > You put the leaflet and note and the remote in the briefcase leaflet: Done. faxed note: Done. remote control: Done. > Wear coat You put on the white coat. > You examine the coat The statutory mantle worn by psychiatrists and mad laboratory technicians. It has two conveniently large pockets. > You look in the pockets The white coat is empty. > Typed note Operation: Red-Chevette Agent: 667 You might find that this comes in useful, I've heard it's more potent than it looks. > You examine the jar A small blank glass jar. It is full of a clear liquid. > You open the jar You open the glass jar. > You drink liquid You daren't risk drinking the unknown liquid. After all, it could be flat lemonade, and that would just be plain disgusting. > You close jar You close the glass jar. > You look in the trunk The boot is empty. > Inventory You are carrying: a white coat (being worn and empty) a briefcase (which is open) a remote control (which is closed) a faxed note a leaflet a glass jar a typed note a key ring a garden fork a sou'wester (being worn) > Go north This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. You can see a toy pistol and a burnt-out battery here. > You pour the liquid in the pistol (first taking the glass jar) You fill the pistol from the jar. > You ask Dick abouthe Red-Chevette Old Dick winks and smiles at you. "I think this young man deserves some reward for his effort," he says. "'E's obviously an 'ard working young'un. 'Ere, have a can of Sikston's on me." He hands you an aluminium can and then turns back to his pint. > You examine the sikston'S The sealed can declares itself as: ?SIKSTONS' EXTREMELY PECULIAR? > You open can You yank sharply on the ring-pull which comes off easily in your hand. After a brief sub-second the over-enthusiastic widget kicks into action and froth and foam spurts from the can as if it were a volcano. In shock you drop the can and its remaining contents spill onto the floor. > Open beer You yank sharply on the ring-pull which comes off easily in your hand. After a brief sub-second the over-enthusiastic widget kicks into action and froth and foam spurts from the can as if it were a volcano. In shock you drop the can and its remaining contents spill onto the floor. There is a sudden flash of lightning and a distant rumble of thunder, warning of impending gloom. > You take the can (putting the garden fork into the briefcase to make room) Taken. There is a sudden flash of lightning and a distant rumble of thunder, warning of impending gloom. > You shake the beer You apply a shake equivalent to 6.4 on the Richter scale, but nothing happens. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a can of beer a glass jar a toy pistol a white coat (being worn and empty) a briefcase (which is open) a remote control (which is closed) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a key ring a garden fork a sou'wester (being worn) > You put the beer in pocket You put the can of beer into the white coat. There is a sudden flash of lightning and a distant rumble of thunder, warning of impending gloom. > You put keys in the pocket You put the key ring into the white coat. > You go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. "Two..." > You shoot the farmer with the pistol The liquid squirts feebly towards the farmer who just gets even more angry. "Three..." > You give the beer to farmer (first taking the can of beer) The farmer shouts several expletives and then shuts up. "Three..." > You throw beer at the farmer (first taking the can of beer) (putting the garden fork into the briefcase to make room) The farmer shouts several expletives and then shuts up. "Three..." > You ask the farmer abouthe Red-Chevette The farmer shouts several expletives and then shuts up. "Three..." > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. > You go north The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. Built into the west wall under the pegs is an electric socket. > You go west The farmhouse's lounge closely resembles a bomb site. An old sofa, covered in ragged blankets and thin cushions, is positioned opposite a large TV and a wide, open fireplace. The window, hung with clashing flowery curtains, faces out onto the farmyard. A door in the east wall leads out to the hall. Laid out in front of the fireplace is a thick hearth-rug, covered in dog hair. Curled up on the rug there is, of course, a dog. > You shoot the dog with the pistol The liquid squirts feebly out of the pistol and into the ground. The wind picks up and the sky darkens as black rain-clouds appear on the western horizon. > You open the jar You open the glass jar. The wind picks up and the sky darkens as black rain-clouds appear on the western horizon. > You open the remote You open the remote control, revealing a watch battery. > You take the watch battery (putting the garden fork into the briefcase to make room) Taken. > You put the battery in the generator You put the watch battery into the sound-effects generator. > Close generator You close the sound-effects generator. > You shoot the dog with the pistol The liquid squirts feebly out of the pistol and into the ground. > Examine generator The generator consists of a panel on the gun's handle. It has a small battery compartment and three buttons - blue, green, and yellow. > Button Woof! Woof! Woof! The collie gets very excited and jumps up from the mat, leaping in a canine frenzy at the gun. > You move the rug The mat seems to be fixed down at one end. Black cumulonimbus clouds tower over Skebdale to the north-west. > You roll the rug You roll up the hearth-rug, revealing beneath a small wooden trapdoor. > You take the fork Taken. The border collie pads off towards the farm hallway. > You open trap with the fork The prongs of the fork fit perfectly into the holes and you easily manage to lever the trapdoor open.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > Go downwards This low, earth-hewn passage is cramped and dirty. Held up by crude wooden props, it looks none too stable. The tunnel is quite short, only about twenty metres in length. At the south-east end is the short stone staircase which leads up to the trapdoor, while to the north-west is an enormous door. The enormous door is more firmly shut than the main air-lock on Space Shuttle Paranoia. > You open door It seems to be locked. > You look at the door An enormous, circular door, no doubt made of some extremely unlikely space age metal which can only be cut using a knife blade forged in the core of a red giant. Or something like that. There, right in the centre, is one of those lock-cum-handle thingummybobs that you get on all good bank vaults. > You turn the handle (the dial) Which way? > You examine the handle (the dial) The lock is the traditional turning type, with eight letters arranged evenly around the dial: D | Z \|/ N+S /|\ I | L | W There is a small black button underneath the uppermost letter. > You open the jar It's already open. > You shoot the handle with the pistol (the dial with the toy pistol) The liquid squirts feebly out of the pistol and into the ground. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a garden fork a rubber glove a glass jar a toy pistol a white coat (being worn) a key ring a can of beer a briefcase (which is open) a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a sou'wester (being worn) > You examine leaflet The leaflet has been torn, mud-bespattered, and generally maltreated, and as such you can make out very little, but it seems to cover topics as wide ranging as sheep varieties, weather forecasting and the country code. It also includes a badly typeset advert for a badly typeset computer game called 'LSE' by Shirc Shimt. > You open door It seems to be locked. > You look up the country code in the leaflet The main points of the country code are, according to the leaflet: - Guard against all risk of fire. - Leave gates as you find them. - Keep dogs under close control. - Keep to public footpaths. - Take your litter home. - Make no unnecessary noise. The leaflet goes on to explain how anyone breaking the code in Skebdale faces punishment by the Skebdale flying squad, an elite group of park wardens who punish criminals quickly and efficiently. > You turn dial left You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. E | S \|/ D+L /|\ N | W | I > You look at the handle (the dial) The lock is the traditional turning type, with eight letters arranged evenly around the dial: E | S \|/ D+L /|\ N | W | I There is a small black button underneath the uppermost letter. > You turn the handle right (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. N | E \|/ I+Z /|\ W | S | L > You keep going (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. I | D \|/ W+E /|\ L | Z | S > You turn the handle right (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. W | N \|/ L+D /|\ S | E | Z > You continue (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. L | I \|/ S+N /|\ Z | D | E > You keep going (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. S | W \|/ Z+I /|\ E | N | D > You turn the handle right (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. Z | L \|/ E+W /|\ D | I | N > You turn the handle right (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. E | S \|/ D+L /|\ N | W | I > Keep going (the dial right) You turn the dial one notch clockwise. D | Z \|/ N+S /|\ I | L | W > Go upwards The farmhouse's lounge closely resembles a bomb site. An old sofa, covered in ragged blankets and thin cushions, is positioned opposite a large TV and a wide, open fireplace. The window, hung with clashing flowery curtains, faces out onto the farmyard. A door in the east wall leads out to the hall. A dark staircase leads downwards from the open trapdoor. A rolled up rug lies on the floor next to the fireplace. The storm continues at full force outside. > You go south This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The unusually violent storm suddenly dies and Skebdale is silent and peaceful once more. > You go to the north This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. You can see a burnt-out battery here. > R. What do you want to drop? > Go east Painted in an uninspiring shade of pastel cream-gunk, the farmhouse kitchen has evolved over time into a mixture of modern and ancient appliances jumbled against the walls. Decorated with stains ranging from champagne to tomato ketchup, the ceiling has obviously seen country life in all its glory. You can see a kettle here. > You take the kettle (putting the toy pistol into the briefcase to make room) Taken. > You plug in the kettle You'll have to put the kettle down first. > You plug in the kettle You plug the kettle in. > You turn on the kettle You switch the kettle on. A little red light above the switch jumps into life to show you it is working. > You look at the jar A small blank glass jar. It is half full of a clear liquid. > You open the jar It's already open. > You shoot the pistol into the jar (first taking the toy pistol) You fire the contents of the pistol back into the jar. > You close jar You close the glass jar. > You examine the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little cold water. I shouldn't waste it: after all, there is a water shortage in Skebdale at the moment. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched on. > Wait Time passes. > You examine the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little warm water, and is gently steaming. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched on. > You examine the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little hot water, and is steaming furiously. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched on. > You examine the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little boiling water, and is still steaming. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched on. The kettle, having boiled, switches itself off, and the red indicator light dies. > You pour the water in the pistol Which do you mean, the kettle or the steam? > You pour the kettle in pistol (first taking the kettle) Although made of plastic, the kettle is still far too hot to pick up. > You unplug the kettle You unplug the kettle. > Inventory You are carrying: a toy pistol a garden fork a rubber glove a glass jar a white coat (being worn) a key ring a can of beer a briefcase (which is open) a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a sou'wester (being worn) > Wear glove You try and pull the glove on, but it is too small for either of your well-built hands. > You put the glove on the kettle That would achieve little. > You examine the steam Hot, wet, and steamy. > You fill the pistol from the kettle (first taking the kettle) (putting the glass jar into the briefcase to make room) You fill the pistol with water. > You take the kettle You already have that. > You look at the kettle A blue plastic electric kettle, which contains a little hot water, and is steaming furiously. Its black power wire leads to a white three-pin plug. The kettle is currently switched off. > Go south This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The border collie trots towards you from the main barn. > You examine farmer He never bothers to prosecute trespassers: he has far better methods. "Three..." > You throw the jar at the farmer (first taking the glass jar) (putting the rubber glove into the briefcase to make room) The farmer shouts several expletives and then shuts up. "Three..." > You go to the east You can't get inside the house. "Three..." > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. > Go southwest You can't, since the wooden gate is in the way. The border collie trots towards you from the farm hallway. > Go east Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. > You open the tractor It seems to be locked. The border collie trots towards you from the farmyard. > You look at the collie A sleek, speckled, black and white border collie. > You look at the ledge A stack of hay, towering vertically upwards. Half-way up, just out of reach, there is a small ledge. > You climb the hay The haystack is far too steep to climb unaided. However, you can almost, but not quite, reach a tiny ledge about a metre above your head. The border collie pads off towards the farmyard. > You climb the ledge The haystack is far too steep to climb unaided. However, you can almost, but not quite, reach a tiny ledge about a metre above your head. > You climb the tractor You climb up the tractor onto its roof. > You climb the ledge By standing on the tractor you can just reach the ledge and haul yourself over the brink... You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. > You examine the ladder A strong rope ladder, twined around several bales on the edge of the ledge. > You unfurl the ladder You unroll the ladder which just reaches the ground. > You drop all briefcase: Dropped. rubber glove: Dropped. garden fork: Dropped. kettle: Dropped. toy pistol: Dropped. > Go west Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. > You go west A fallen hay bale blocks your way. I'm afraid this is a dead end. > Go upward I'd get out of here if I was you.

> You look at your surroundings You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. You can also see a toy pistol, a kettle, a garden fork, a rubber glove and a briefcase (in which are a glass jar, a remote control (which is empty), a faxed note, a leaflet and a typed note) here. > Search What do you want to search? > Go upward I'd get out of here if I was you. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You climb What do you want to climb?

> Go downwards You climb skilfully down the ladder. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a white coat (being worn) a key ring a can of beer a sou'wester (being worn) > You examine the key ring Your key fob takes the form of a small model bull with a disproportionately large ring through its nose. Wound around the ring are your house and car keys, and a few other useful items. > Up You climb skilfully up the ladder. You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. You can also see a toy pistol, a kettle, a garden fork, a rubber glove and a briefcase (in which are a glass jar, a remote control (which is empty), a faxed note, a leaflet and a typed note) here. > You get all rope ladder: That's fixed in place. briefcase: Taken. rubber glove: Taken. garden fork: Taken. kettle: Taken. toy pistol: Taken. > You put all in the pockets briefcase: That's far too big to fit in the coat pockets. rubber glove: Done. garden fork: That's far too big to fit in the coat pockets. kettle: Done. toy pistol: Done. > You get all from the briefcase glass jar: Removed. remote control: Removed. faxed note: Removed. leaflet: (putting the garden fork into the briefcase to make room) Removed. typed note: (putting the glass jar into the briefcase to make room) Removed. > You put all in the pockets briefcase: That's far too big to fit in the coat pockets. typed note: Done. leaflet: Done. faxed note: Done. remote control: Done. > Inventory You are carrying: a briefcase (which is open) a glass jar a garden fork a white coat (being worn) a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a kettle a rubber glove a key ring a can of beer a sou'wester (being worn) > You put it in the pockets Taken. You put the glass jar into the white coat.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > Go downward You climb skilfully down the ladder. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. A shadow falls over Skebdale as the clouds sweep in... > Smell the hay The barn is filled with the dry, dusty scent of parched hay. Hailstones begin to fall to earth, melting on contact with the warm earth. > You look at the haystack A stack of hay, towering vertically upwards. Half-way up, just out of reach, there is a small ledge. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You unlock tractor with the key ring (first taking the key ring) That doesn't seem to fit the lock. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You look in the tractor You can't see inside, since it is closed. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. The border collie trots towards you from the farmyard. > You open tractor with the fork (first taking the garden fork) That doesn't seem to fit the lock. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You unlock the tractor with the key That doesn't seem to fit the lock. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > Go west This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You read the devil in the leaflet Devil worship in Skebdale? How could you ever even imagine that it could take place? The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You examine the beer The sealed can declares itself as: ?SIKSTONS' EXTREMELY PECULIAR? The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The border collie trots towards you from the main barn.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > Look around This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The sheepdog is huddled safely beneath a rusting muckspreader, sheltered from the storm. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > Open beer You yank sharply on the ring-pull which comes off easily in your hand. After a brief sub-second the over-enthusiastic widget kicks into action and froth and foam spurts from the can as if it were a volcano. In shock you drop the can and its remaining contents spill onto the floor. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' rocks violently in the gale, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > You go north This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. You can see a burnt-out battery here. The storm continues at full force outside. > You ask Tom about the beer "It's Sikstons' lad. 'Cheap, Cheerful, and Best Served Chilled.' If tha' want a pint, go and tek one, as the barman's not around." The storm continues at full force outside. > You go to the south You can't go that way. The storm continues at full force outside. > Open beer You yank sharply on the ring-pull which comes off easily in your hand. After a brief sub-second the over-enthusiastic widget kicks into action and froth and foam spurts from the can as if it were a volcano. In shock you drop the can and its remaining contents spill onto the floor. The storm continues at full force outside.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > You look around This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. You can see an empty can of beer and a burnt-out battery here. The storm continues at full force outside. > You look in the can You find nothing of interest. The unusually violent storm suddenly dies and Skebdale is silent and peaceful once more. > You get the key You already have that. > Inventory You are carrying: a garden fork a key ring a briefcase (which is open but empty) a white coat (being worn) a glass jar a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a kettle a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) > You shake it You shake the can and something falls out onto the floor.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Look around This single-roomed inn is dominated by a long bar, topped with perfectly polished wood. The shelves behind the bar are stacked to breaking point with sparkling glasses and inviting bottles. A single beer pump protrudes forlornly from the bar at one end, but it is, unfortunately, un-manned, so you will have to cope without a drink. A well-oiled wooden door leads south-east into the street. Old Tom, Old Dick, and Old Harry sit around the beer pump, whispering conspiratorially. You can see a brass key and a burnt-out battery here. > You get the key (the brass key) Taken. > You go east Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. The border collie pads off towards the farmyard. > Unlock tractor What do you want to unlock the tractor with? > Key Which do you mean, the brass key or the key ring? > Brass You unlock the tractor. The border collie trots towards you from the farmyard. > You open the tractor You open the tractor, revealing a fairly ordinary cockpit with controls and an ignition. > You enter it You get into the tractor.

> Look around Barn (in the tractor) Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. > You go east You'll have to get out of the tractor first. > Search tractor You perform a fingertip search of the tractor cockpit, discovering a sleek, beige envelope underneath the steering column. The border collie pads off towards the farmyard. > You get it (putting the key ring into the briefcase to make room) Taken. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: an envelope a brass key an empty can of beer a garden fork a briefcase (which is open) a key ring a white coat (being worn) a glass jar a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a kettle a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) > Go outside You get out of the tractor. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. > Go north The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. The collie paces restlessly up and down the hall. Built into the west wall under the pegs is an electric socket. > You get it (putting the garden fork into the briefcase to make room) Taken. > You put the kettle on the rack You balance the kettle on the welly rack. > You plug in the kettle You plug the kettle in. The border collie pads off towards the farmyard. > You turn it on You switch the kettle on. A little red light above the switch jumps into life to show you it is working. > You put the envelope in the steam You hold the envelope in the flow of steam from the kettle, and the glue melts away. A slip of card falls out onto the floor. > You read the card A post-card showing a rolling vista of Yorkshire countryside, taken from Skebdale Pike. A few unintelligible notes and messages have been scrawled on the back in slightly smudged fountain pen: message to red-chevette the cows are flying you will find guidance from the circle that blocks your way follow the name of satan through the twisting way he has joined with the animals the devil is daisy, daisy is Denzil destroy it you will find the proof on the border of sleep you must remember to use silver bullets > You get the kettle Although made of plastic, the kettle is still far too hot to pick up. The kettle, having boiled, switches itself off, and the red indicator light dies. > You get the kettle Although made of plastic, the kettle is still far too hot to pick up. > Go west The farmhouse's lounge closely resembles a bomb site. An old sofa, covered in ragged blankets and thin cushions, is positioned opposite a large TV and a wide, open fireplace. The window, hung with clashing flowery curtains, faces out onto the farmyard. A door in the east wall leads out to the hall. A dark staircase leads downwards from the open trapdoor. A rolled up rug lies on the floor next to the fireplace. > You turn the dial right You turn the dial one notch clockwise. N | E \|/ I+Z /|\ W | S | L > You turn dial left You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. D | Z \|/ N+S /|\ I | L | W > You turn the dial right You turn the dial one notch clockwise. I | D \|/ W+E /|\ L | Z | S > Keep going You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. N | E \|/ I+Z /|\ W | S | L You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. D | Z \|/ N+S /|\ I | L | W You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. E | S \|/ D+L /|\ N | W | I > Keep going You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. Z | L \|/ E+W /|\ D | I | N You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. S | W \|/ Z+I /|\ E | N | D You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. L | I \|/ S+N /|\ Z | D | E You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. W | N \|/ L+D /|\ S | E | Z > You continue You turn the dial one notch clockwise. L | I \|/ S+N /|\ Z | D | E You turn the dial one notch clockwise. S | W \|/ Z+I /|\ E | N | D

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > You look around This low, earth-hewn passage is cramped and dirty. Held up by crude wooden props, it looks none too stable. The tunnel is quite short, only about twenty metres in length. At the south-east end is the short stone staircase which leads up to the trapdoor, while to the north-west is an enormous door. The enormous door hangs invitingly but threateningly open. > Go northwest A shining white laboratory decked out with rows of pristine benches and tables. Shelves full of ridiculous sounding biochemicals line the walls. The room is windowless and lit only by fluorescent bulbs on the ceiling. You can leave by the door to the south. A wooden pinboard on one wall is covered in clippings from various respected publications. Some sort of sci-fi gadget sits on the main lab bench. > You examine the gadget You can't have a proper adventure game these days without some special sci-fi gadget. In this case it resembles a microwave oven. It also sports a row of LEDs so it can flash them back and forth as it speaks in its predictably sarcastic monotone. Whoever built this one was well au fait with current trends and even painted a smiley face on the speaker. Lovely. The sci-fi gadget is currently switched off. > You turn the gadget on "Request fingerprint recognition before computer access allowance." A small light-sensitive pad on the gadget flashes briefly and then goes dark again. > You look at pad A dark grey light-sensing pad on one side of the gadget. > You get the gadget That's fixed in place. > Inventory You are carrying: a postcard an envelope a brass key an empty can of beer a briefcase (which is open) a garden fork a key ring a white coat (being worn) a glass jar a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) > You look at the postcard A post-card showing a rolling vista of Yorkshire countryside, taken from Skebdale Pike. A few unintelligible notes and messages have been scrawled on the back in slightly smudged fountain pen: message to red-chevette the cows are flying you will find guidance from the circle that blocks your way follow the name of satan through the twisting way he has joined with the animals the devil is daisy, daisy is Denzil destroy it you will find the proof on the border of sleep you must remember to use silver bullets > Exit This low, earth-hewn passage is cramped and dirty. Held up by crude wooden props, it looks none too stable. The tunnel is quite short, only about twenty metres in length. At the south-east end is the short stone staircase which leads up to the trapdoor, while to the north-west is an enormous door. The enormous door hangs invitingly but threateningly open. > You examine the dial The lock is the traditional turning type, with eight letters arranged evenly around the dial: S | W \|/ Z+I /|\ E | N | D There is a small black button underneath the uppermost letter. > You turn dial left You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. L | I \|/ S+N /|\ Z | D | E > You turn dial left You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. W | N \|/ L+D /|\ S | E | Z > You turn dial left You turn the dial one notch anticlockwise. I | D \|/ W+E /|\ L | Z | S > Go upward The farmhouse's lounge closely resembles a bomb site. An old sofa, covered in ragged blankets and thin cushions, is positioned opposite a large TV and a wide, open fireplace. The window, hung with clashing flowery curtains, faces out onto the farmyard. A door in the east wall leads out to the hall. A dark staircase leads downwards from the open trapdoor. A rolled up rug lies on the floor next to the fireplace. A few hailstones, the vanguard of the storm, patter gently on the windows. > You go east The farm's hallway serves its purpose well. In other words, its the way in. It leads up to a dark staircase, the northern end flanked by two low, wooden doorframes. Along the west wall, there is a row of three or four wooden pegs, underneath which is a delapidated welly rack. Built into the west wall under the pegs is an electric socket. On the welly rack is a kettle. > You get the kettle You unplug the kettle. (putting the empty can of beer into the briefcase to make room) Taken. The full brunt of the weather batters against the doors and windows, making you glad that you are safe inside. > You go to the south This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. The sheepdog lies on the sun-warmed concrete, panting gently. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > You go to the east Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. Sheets of hail lash down from the heavens, driven by a roaring westerly. > Go upward You climb skilfully up the ladder. You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. > You put all in the pockets briefcase: That's far too big to fit in the coat pockets. kettle: Done. postcard: Done. envelope: Done. brass key: Done. > Go southwest You stumble from the labyrinthine passages into... This room is Gothic horror at its best. Dry, wooden torches burn brightly in their rusty iron brackets, sending a flickering orange light flashing around the high, vaulted stone rafters and dull granite flagstones. The walls are daubed with unsightly scenes of scarlet terror and cruelty, and, at the centre of this hexagonal cathedral of doom, a gigantic inverted cross hangs in space, suspended by a criss-crossing web of thin, spider-like ropes which lead ever upwards into the enormous arched roof. Sinister shadows are cast onto the floor from the grotesque, twisted statuettes which stand on their dark pedestals, seeming to writhe in the torchlight. Where the hell is this place... Any moment now you expect a nice man with horns and hooves to jump from the shadows and discuss the afterlife, but, fortunately, there seem to be none of those in today. Instead, a small note has been attached to the bottom of the cross with a drawing pin. From the far side of the chamber, high up on one wall, an enormous, abstract black and red pictogram stares down at you. > You look at the pictogram It depicts simply the head of a cow - but no ordinary heifer. Its ears are long and pointed, its eyes narrow, and its nostrils wide and flaring-red. The mouth is half-open in a Satanic grin, exposing double rows of carnivorous teeth. You dread to look for fear of being ensnared in the deep, swirling, whirling eyes... > You read the note (the note) You can't read it from down on the floor. You feel uneasy, as if the pictogram is watching your every move. > You look at Cross It's over-riding feature is that it is the wrong way up. However, just for the record, it is made from two gigantic oak beams held together by two enormously thick selotape straps. > Climb cross I don't think much is to be achieved by that. You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram. > You wait Time passes. An irresistible surge of terror rises within you as the face of the pictogram twists and seems to force its way out of the wall. You try to shut your eyes to it, but your only option seems to be flight. You have little time to escape as the power of the evil has almost rooted you to the spot. > You wait for a while Time passes. The primitive drawing continues to wrench itself into reality in a series of horrific jerks and contortions. > Continue Time passes. As the scene comes to life before you a wind whips around the chamber, statues are blown over and torches threaten to go out. The evil figure emerging from the wall roars in anger at your intrusion. > Keep going Time passes. The figure of a cow, decked in blood and gore, begins to take shape from the writhing pictogram and screams a dire warning. "Access Denied! Access Denied! Unauthorised personnel in building!" You start to petrify with fear. > Wait Time passes. An involuntary scream rips your throat open as the devilish figure pops from the canvas like a satanical morph. "Trespassers will be prosecuted....." screams the phantom of the pit as it totters about on its hind-legs, wreathed in smoke and flames. These demonic vassals never were very good at co-ordination, were they? > You kill the cow Violence isn't the answer to this one. "I will destroy you!!!" The demon raises a hoof and a ball of fiery flame (isn't it all) cannons towards you. You are engulfed utterly, perish utterly, and generally cease to exist. > Go southwest Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You stumble from the labyrinthine passages into... This room is Gothic horror at its best. Dry, wooden torches burn brightly in their rusty iron brackets, sending a flickering orange light flashing around the high, vaulted stone rafters and dull granite flagstones. The walls are daubed with unsightly scenes of scarlet terror and cruelty, and, at the centre of this hexagonal cathedral of doom, a gigantic inverted cross hangs in space, suspended by a criss-crossing web of thin, spider-like ropes which lead ever upwards into the enormous arched roof. Sinister shadows are cast onto the floor from the grotesque, twisted statuettes which stand on their dark pedestals, seeming to writhe in the torchlight. Where the hell is this place... Any moment now you expect a nice man with horns and hooves to jump from the shadows and discuss the afterlife, but, fortunately, there seem to be none of those in today. Instead, a small note has been attached to the bottom of the cross with a drawing pin. From the far side of the chamber, high up on one wall, an enormous, abstract black and red pictogram stares down at you. > You look at note (the note) You can't read it from down on the floor. > You look at Cross It's over-riding feature is that it is the wrong way up. However, just for the record, it is made from two gigantic oak beams held together by two enormously thick selotape straps. > You pull Cross You are unable to. > Climb cross I don't think much is to be achieved by that. You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram. > Pray Nothing practical results from your prayer. An irresistible surge of terror rises within you as the face of the pictogram twists and seems to force its way out of the wall. You try to shut your eyes to it, but your only option seems to be flight. You have little time to escape as the power of the evil has almost rooted you to the spot. > You get all cross: That's hardly portable. note: You can't reach the note from the floor. pictogram: That's fixed in place. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a white coat (being worn) a brass key an envelope a postcard a kettle a glass jar a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a rubber glove a sou'wester (providing light and being worn) > You shoot the pictogram with the pistol (first taking the toy pistol) The liquid squirts feebly towards the pictogram but has little effect upon it. > You throw the jar at the pictogram (first taking the glass jar) Futile. > You look at the postcard A post-card showing a rolling vista of Yorkshire countryside, taken from Skebdale Pike. A few unintelligible notes and messages have been scrawled on the back in slightly smudged fountain pen: message to red-chevette the cows are flying you will find guidance from the circle that blocks your way follow the name of satan through the twisting way he has joined with the animals the devil is daisy, daisy is Denzil destroy it you will find the proof on the border of sleep you must remember to use silver bullets You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram. > Sleep You aren't feeling especially drowsy. You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Look around You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. You can also see a briefcase (in which are an empty can of beer, a garden fork and a key ring) here. > You get all briefcase: Taken. rope ladder: That's fixed in place.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > Go downward You climb skilfully down the ladder. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > Go east The haystack is in the way! The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > Go west This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The border collie trots towards you from the main barn. > You go southwest You can't, since the wooden gate is in the way. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The border collie pads off towards the farm hallway. > You climb the gate You hop over the closed gate... A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' rocks violently in the gale, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > Go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Two..." > You wait Time passes. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Three..." > You wait Time passes. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Four...!" > Wait Time passes. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The farmer, having warned you quite enough, blasts you sky-high with his rifle.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Pray Nothing practical results from your prayer. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. The farmer, having warned you quite enough, blasts you sky-high with his rifle. > You climb the gate You climb skilfully down the ladder. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. You hop over the closed gate... A winding country road threads its way between old stone cottages and barns. Daffodils and snowdrops spring from the grass verges, adding a dash of colour to the grey walls and roofs. To your north, the sign of 'The Green Calf' rocks violently in the gale, beckoning locals and tourists alike to pop in for a drink. There is a small garden to the south of the road which is attached, unsurprisingly, to a small house. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. A short gravel track leads up to a wooden gate to your north-east. Your car, a battered blue Volvo estate, is slewed across the grass verge, two wheels in the ditch. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. > Go south A beautiful Yorkshire garden, full of mouth-watering fruits such as parsnips, marrows and broccoli. This is more a vegetable garden than anything else, but the border beds have been liberally scattered with a variety of hardy perennials. To the east you can see a small unthreatening farmer's cottage. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Two..." > You examine farmer He never bothers to prosecute trespassers: he has far better methods. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Three..." > You go east You can't get inside the house. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Three..." > You ask farmer about the denzil That's not something you need to refer to in the course of this game. The farmer shouts several expletives and then shuts up. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Three..." > You look at postcard A post-card showing a rolling vista of Yorkshire countryside, taken from Skebdale Pike. A few unintelligible notes and messages have been scrawled on the back in slightly smudged fountain pen: message to red-chevette the cows are flying you will find guidance from the circle that blocks your way follow the name of satan through the twisting way he has joined with the animals the devil is daisy, daisy is Denzil destroy it you will find the proof on the border of sleep you must remember to use silver bullets The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Three..." > You examine the bed The odd prickly bush or two - you've never really found gardening interesting. The storm continues to batter unrelenting upon Skebdale. "Four...!"

> Look around This room is Gothic horror at its best. Dry, wooden torches burn brightly in their rusty iron brackets, sending a flickering orange light flashing around the high, vaulted stone rafters and dull granite flagstones. The walls are daubed with unsightly scenes of scarlet terror and cruelty, and, at the centre of this hexagonal cathedral of doom, a gigantic inverted cross hangs in space, suspended by a criss-crossing web of thin, spider-like ropes which lead ever upwards into the enormous arched roof. Sinister shadows are cast onto the floor from the grotesque, twisted statuettes which stand on their dark pedestals, seeming to writhe in the torchlight. Where the hell is this place... Any moment now you expect a nice man with horns and hooves to jump from the shadows and discuss the afterlife, but, fortunately, there seem to be none of those in today. Instead, a small note has been attached to the bottom of the cross with a drawing pin. From the far side of the chamber, high up on one wall, an enormous, abstract black and red pictogram stares down at you. > Wait Time passes. You feel uneasy, as if the pictogram is watching your every move. > Wait Time passes. You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram. > You shoot the pictogram with the pistol (first taking the toy pistol) The liquid squirts feebly towards the pictogram but has little effect upon it. The primitive drawing continues to wrench itself into reality in a series of horrific jerks and contortions. > You examine the cow It depicts simply the head of a cow - but no ordinary heifer. Its ears are long and pointed, its eyes narrow, and its nostrils wide and flaring-red. The mouth is half-open in a Satanic grin, exposing double rows of carnivorous teeth. You dread to look for fear of being ensnared in the deep, swirling, whirling eyes... The figure of a cow, decked in blood and gore, begins to take shape from the writhing pictogram and screams a dire warning. "Access Denied! Access Denied! Unauthorised personnel in building!" You start to petrify with fear. > You shoot the cow with the pistol (first taking the toy pistol) The liquid squirts feebly towards the pictogram but has little effect upon it. An involuntary scream rips your throat open as the devilish figure pops from the canvas like a satanical morph. "Trespassers will be prosecuted....." screams the phantom of the pit as it totters about on its hind-legs, wreathed in smoke and flames. These demonic vassals never were very good at co-ordination, were they? > You shoot Cross with the pistol (first taking the toy pistol) You miss your target by more than a metre. "I will destroy you!!!" The demon raises a hoof and a ball of fiery flame (isn't it all) cannons towards you. You are engulfed utterly, perish utterly, and generally cease to exist. > You shoot the note with the pistol (the note with the toy pistol) (first taking the toy pistol) You miss your target by more than a metre. "I will destroy you!!!" The demon raises a hoof and a ball of fiery flame (isn't it all) cannons towards you. You are engulfed utterly, perish utterly, and generally cease to exist. > You pour the liquid in the glove (first taking the glass jar) That can't contain things. You feel uneasy, as if the pictogram is watching your every move. > Wear glove (first taking the rubber glove) You try and pull the glove on, but it is too small for either of your well-built hands. > You turn the glove Nothing obvious happens. You feel uneasy, as if the pictogram is watching your every move. > You turn the glove inside out You turn the glove inside out. > You look at the glove A white rubber glove, turned inside out. The insides are stained by leakages and a slow build up of dirt. You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram. > Wear glove You try and pull the glove on, but it is too small for either of your well-built hands. > You put the glove on the pad You hold the rubber glove against the pad. "Print authorised. Access awarded to Elizabeth Brown." A fairly gullible computer, isn't it? Especially considering the print was the wrong way round... > You examine the gadget You can't have a proper adventure game these days without some special sci-fi gadget. In this case it resembles a microwave oven. It also sports a row of LEDs so it can flash them back and forth as it speaks in its predictably sarcastic monotone. Whoever built this one was well au fait with current trends and even painted a smiley face on the speaker. Lovely. The sci-fi gadget is currently switched off. > You turn it on The computer hums into life, its hard disc whirring as it downloads its highly complex and user-unfriendly operating system. The speaker jumps into life with a high-pitched computerised voice: "Welcome to MacroSift Sowester, the latest in voice-operated computing. My name is Sharon, and I have been programmed to scan and recognise any object placed in my main bay. Have a nice day!" > You put the jar in bay You put the glass jar into the sci-fi gadget. > Scan jar A tinted glass barrier slides down and several lights flash inside the gadget. The screen is pulled back up as it reads out the result: "Object is silver nitrate solution." > You check your inventory You are carrying: a rubber glove a briefcase (which is open) an empty can of beer a garden fork a key ring a white coat (being worn) a brass key an envelope a postcard a kettle a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a sou'wester (being worn) > You examine the pistol The pistol is an uninspiring shade of washed-out pink, but makes up for it with the battery-powered sound effects generator tagged on to the handle. Its pea-sized water tank is currently full of water. > Empty pistol Emptied. > You pour the jar in the pistol The glass jar is closed. > You open the jar You open the glass jar. > You pour the jar in the pistol You fill the pistol from the jar. > You examine the pistol The pistol is an uninspiring shade of washed-out pink, but makes up for it with the battery-powered sound effects generator tagged on to the handle. Its pea-sized water tank is currently full of a clear fluid. > Go south This wide rectangle of concrete is littered with the chaotic fallout of everyday dairy farming. And its brown! The stark windows of the farmhouse stare accusingly down into the yard from the north, and, to the east, the roof of the main barn is outlined against the rising sun. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The farm gate to the south-west is safely shut. A group of clucking chickens peck their way around the farmyard, desperately searching for grain. > You go east Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. > Go upward You climb skilfully up the ladder. You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. > You put all in the pockets glass jar: Done. rubber glove: Done. briefcase: That's far too big to fit in the coat pockets. > You shoot the pictogram with the pistol (first taking the toy pistol) That's not a gun. > You examine the pistol The pistol is an uninspiring shade of washed-out pink, but makes up for it with the battery-powered sound effects generator tagged on to the handle. Its pea-sized water tank is currently full of a clear fluid. > You shoot the pistol at the pictogram The liquid hits the wall hard, but has little effect on the pictogram. You feel uneasy, as if the pictogram is watching your every move. > You shoot the pistol at the cow You fire a shining arc of the liquid straight at your adversary. The twisting, living wall seems to die and fall back flat, but you feel that you have not destroyed it for good. > You pour the jar in the pistol (first taking the glass jar) You fill the pistol from the jar. An irresistible surge of terror rises within you as the face of the pictogram twists and seems to force its way out of the wall. You try to shut your eyes to it, but your only option seems to be flight. You have little time to escape as the power of the evil has almost rooted you to the spot. > You pour the jar in the pistol There's not enough liquid here to fill anything. An irresistible surge of terror rises within you as the face of the pictogram twists and seems to force its way out of the wall. You try to shut your eyes to it, but your only option seems to be flight. You have little time to escape as the power of the evil has almost rooted you to the spot. > Go outside Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You read the postcard A post-card showing a rolling vista of Yorkshire countryside, taken from Skebdale Pike. A few unintelligible notes and messages have been scrawled on the back in slightly smudged fountain pen: message to red-chevette the cows are flying you will find guidance from the circle that blocks your way follow the name of satan through the twisting way he has joined with the animals the devil is daisy, daisy is Denzil destroy it you will find the proof on the border of sleep you must remember to use silver bullets The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go to the west Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently and you are thrown to the ground as the altar chamber collapses, taking with it the barn and haystack, which slide into the earth.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Look around This room is Gothic horror at its best. Dry, wooden torches burn brightly in their rusty iron brackets, sending a flickering orange light flashing around the high, vaulted stone rafters and dull granite flagstones. The walls are daubed with unsightly scenes of scarlet terror and cruelty, and, at the centre of this hexagonal cathedral of doom, a gigantic inverted cross hangs in space, suspended by a criss-crossing web of thin, spider-like ropes which lead ever upwards into the enormous arched roof. Sinister shadows are cast onto the floor from the grotesque, twisted statuettes which stand on their dark pedestals, seeming to writhe in the torchlight. Where the hell is this place... Any moment now you expect a nice man with horns and hooves to jump from the shadows and discuss the afterlife, but, fortunately, there seem to be none of those in today. Instead, a small note has been attached to the bottom of the cross with a drawing pin. > You look at note (the note) You can't read it from down on the floor. > Inventory You are carrying: a glass jar a toy pistol a white coat (being worn) a rubber glove a brass key an envelope a postcard a kettle a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a sou'wester (providing light and being worn) > You throw the kettle at the note (the note) (first taking the kettle) Futile. > You throw the brass key at the note (the note) (first taking the brass key) Futile. > You get all note: You can't reach the note from the floor. cross: That's hardly portable. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a brass key a kettle a glass jar a toy pistol a white coat (being worn) a rubber glove an envelope a postcard a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a sou'wester (providing light and being worn) The ground shakes violently and you are thrown to the ground as the altar chamber collapses, taking with it the barn and haystack, which slide into the earth. > You shoot the pistol at the note (the note) You pull the trigger but nothing comes out. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a kettle a glass jar a toy pistol a white coat (being worn) a rubber glove a brass key an envelope a postcard a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a sou'wester (providing light and being worn) > Inventory You are carrying: a garden fork a white coat (being worn) a brass key an envelope a postcard a kettle a glass jar a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a toy pistol a rubber glove a sou'wester (being worn) > You put the fork in the coat That's far too big to fit in the coat pockets. > You examine cross It's over-riding feature is that it is the wrong way up. However, just for the record, it is made from two gigantic oak beams held together by two enormously thick selotape straps. The primitive drawing continues to wrench itself into reality in a series of horrific jerks and contortions. > You get the note (the note) You can't reach the note from the floor. As the scene comes to life before you a wind whips around the chamber, statues are blown over and torches threaten to go out. The evil figure emerging from the wall roars in anger at your intrusion. > You wait Time passes. The figure of a cow, decked in blood and gore, begins to take shape from the writhing pictogram and screams a dire warning. "Access Denied! Access Denied! Unauthorised personnel in building!" You start to petrify with fear. > Wait Time passes. An involuntary scream rips your throat open as the devilish figure pops from the canvas like a satanical morph. "Trespassers will be prosecuted....." screams the phantom of the pit as it totters about on its hind-legs, wreathed in smoke and flames. These demonic vassals never were very good at co-ordination, were they? > You shoot the pistol at the cow (first taking the toy pistol) The liquid squirts feebly towards the pictogram but has little effect upon it. "I will destroy you!!!" The demon raises a hoof and a ball of fiery flame (isn't it all) cannons towards you. You are engulfed utterly, perish utterly, and generally cease to exist. > You fill the pistol from the jar (first taking the glass jar) You fill the pistol from the jar. > You shoot pistol at the note (the note) Unfortunately you miss. > You shoot the pistol at the note (the note) You fire the pistol at the cross, the shining arc of liquid hitting the pin, dissolving it to nothing. > You get the note (the note) Taken. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a note a glass jar a toy pistol a white coat (being worn) a rubber glove a brass key an envelope a postcard a kettle a remote control (which is open but empty) a faxed note a leaflet a typed note a sou'wester (providing light and being worn) > You put all in the pockets note: Done. glass jar: Done. toy pistol: Done.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > You look around This room is Gothic horror at its best. Dry, wooden torches burn brightly in their rusty iron brackets, sending a flickering orange light flashing around the high, vaulted stone rafters and dull granite flagstones. The walls are daubed with unsightly scenes of scarlet terror and cruelty, and, at the centre of this hexagonal cathedral of doom, a gigantic inverted cross hangs in space, suspended by a criss-crossing web of thin, spider-like ropes which lead ever upwards into the enormous arched roof. Sinister shadows are cast onto the floor from the grotesque, twisted statuettes which stand on their dark pedestals, seeming to writhe in the torchlight. Where the hell is this place... Any moment now you expect a nice man with horns and hooves to jump from the shadows and discuss the afterlife, but, fortunately, there seem to be none of those in today. > You go southwest Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently and you are thrown to the ground as the altar chamber collapses, taking with it the barn and haystack, which slide into the earth. > You go southwest Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. A fallen hay bale blocks your way. I'm afraid this is a dead end. You'd better get yourself out of this hole. > Go west There's only one way out, and that's where you came from. You'd better get yourself out of this hole.

> You describe your surroundings A fallen hay bale blocks your way. I'm afraid this is a dead end. You'd better get yourself out of this hole. > Dig What do you want to dig? > You go northeast Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go outside But you aren't in anything at the moment. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You examine the card A post-card showing a rolling vista of Yorkshire countryside, taken from Skebdale Pike. A few unintelligible notes and messages have been scrawled on the back in slightly smudged fountain pen: message to red-chevette the cows are flying you will find guidance from the circle that blocks your way follow the name of satan through the twisting way he has joined with the animals the devil is daisy, daisy is Denzil destroy it you will find the proof on the border of sleep you must remember to use silver bullets The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse.

[Themes: Espionage, Horror] > You look around Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a brass key here. > You get all from the pockets rubber glove: Removed. toy pistol: Removed. typed note: Removed. envelope: Removed. postcard: Removed. kettle: You're carrying too many things already. glass jar: You're carrying too many things already. remote control: You're carrying too many things already. faxed note: You're carrying too many things already. leaflet: You're carrying too many things already. > You get all from the pockets kettle: Removed. glass jar: Removed. remote control: Removed. faxed note: Removed. leaflet: You're carrying too many things already. > Empty pistol Emptied. You feel uneasy, as if the pictogram is watching your every move. > You pour jar in the pistol The glass jar is closed. > You open jar You open the glass jar. You feel unable to stop yourself turning and staring into the swirling eyes of the pictogram. > You go southeast Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a kettle here. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go to the south Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a rubber glove here. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go to the north Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a typed note here. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go east Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see an envelope here. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go north Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a postcard here. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > Go south Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a brass key here. The ground shakes violently and you are thrown to the ground as the altar chamber collapses, taking with it the barn and haystack, which slide into the earth. > You go to the south Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. You can see a brass key here. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. > You go southwest You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. You can also see a briefcase (in which are an empty can of beer, a garden fork and a key ring) here. The ground shakes violently as the whole haystack threatens to collapse.

[Themes: Horror, Espionage] > Go downward You climb skilfully down the ladder. Most of the space in the east end of the farms high stone barn is taken up by a huge haystack of rectangular bales, each of which is held together with tough, plastic twine. Around the double doors rusty farm equipment, almost inevitably infected with a potent range of bacteria, microbes, protozoa and agriculture ministers, lies derelict and unused. Towering black cumulonimbus clouds pour forth vast quantities of tiny, hard hailstones onto Skebdale. The sheepdog scampers back and forth along the base of the haystack, sniffing at cracks and whimpering. A long rope ladder, safely twined around several hay bales, leads downwards from the ledge to the barn floor. A red and white tractor is parked next to the haystack. The barn roof starts to collapse, bales of hay tumbling from the stack above you. > Go west The barn collapses behind you in a cloud of dust. You have rescued humanity from Satan and also saved your own skin. *** You have won *** In that game you scored 51 out of a possible 60, in 460 turns, earning you the rank of Vet of the Year. > Go southwest Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. Thin, twisting passages lead off in all directions through the haystack. The ground shakes violently as the chamber threatens to collapse. You have to stoop on this tiny ledge in the side of the haystack, cunningly roofed over with bales. Your vertigo quickly kicks in and the barn floor seems to be a million miles away: downwards. A thin dark passage leads westwards into the bales. A furled rope ladder is attached to some bales at one side of the ledge. You can also see a briefcase (in which are an empty can of beer, a garden fork and a key ring) here. The ground shakes violently as the whole haystack threatens to collapse. > Go outside The barn collapses behind you in a cloud of dust. You have rescued humanity from Satan and also saved your own skin. *** You have won *** In that game you scored 60 out of a possible 60, in 483 turns, earning you the rank of Saviour of the World.

[Themes: Humor] > You examine cabbage The cabbage is wet. [Author's Note: Sometimes you get an impulse you know you'd regret--especially in the face of an arbitrary task of questionable value. So when Grandmother asks you to bring her a cabbage, a sheep, and a stinky bear, what could possibly go wrong?]

[Themes: Humor] > You examine the sheep The sheep looks warily back at you. > You examine the bear The bear is chubby. > You take the sheep The sheep evades your attempts to pick it up. All you get for your efforts is a hungry "BAAA." > You put the sheep in the boat (first taking the sheep) The sheep evades your attempts to pick it up. All you get for your efforts is a hungry "BAAA." > You take the grass You pull up some blades of grass. > You give the grass to sheep (the blades of grass to the sheep) *crunch* *crunch* *crunch* The sheep bleats contentedly. Maybe it'll be more cooperative now. > You put the sheep in the boat (first taking the sheep) The boat sloshes as you deposit the sheep. > You enter the boat You get into the boat. In the boat you can see a sheep. > You enter the boat You get into the boat. > You take the bear (first getting out of the boat) The bear is a bit heavy, but with its cooperation you manage to pick it up. > You put the bear in the boat The boat sloshes as you deposit the bear. > You enter the boat You get into the boat. In the boat you can see a bear. > You take the cabbage The cabbage is a bit heavy, but you manage to pick it up. > You enter the boat (first putting the cabbage in the boat) You get into the boat. > You enter the boat You get into the boat. > You put the sheep in the boat (first getting out of the boat) The sheep is already here. > You take the sheep The sheep is a bit heavy, but with its cooperation you manage to pick it up. > You enter the boat (first putting the sheep in the boat) You get into the boat.

> Y. *crunch* *crunch* *crunch* It tastes like guilt. > You eat the cabbage (first taking the cabbage) You're carrying too many things already. > You eat the cabbage (first taking the cabbage) > You drop the cabbage The cabbage is already here. > You eat yourself (first taking yourself) You are always self-possessed. > You eat the boat (first taking the boat) The boat is a little too heavy for you to carry. > You eat grass (first taking the grass in the ground) You pull up some blades of grass. > You eat the grass (the blades of grass) Trichomes prick your tongue as you eat the grass, leaving you with a stinging sensation and a bitter aftertaste. You have no idea why the sheep seems to like it so much. > You eat bear (first taking the bear) > Y. After a brief struggle, the bear eats you instead. > Xyzzy The sound of your voice dissipates feebly across the landscape. The sheep looks on warily. > Go north Before you can get very far, you are called back by the anxious bleating of your sheep. > Drown bear (first taking the bear) You attempt to hurl the bear into the middle of the river. With its great weight, all you succeed in doing is dropping the bear into the shallows, where it lands with a great splash. You've barely turned back towards drier land when you're knocked off your feet by a heavy paw and sent tumbling into the water. You sit up and clear your eyes to see the bear lolloping toward you. Is it angry, or just playing? The wind is knocked out of you a second time; and as you lie with your face in the mud and a crushing weight on your back, your last thought is that maybe the bear's intentions don't matter anyway. *** You have been sat on by a bear. ***

[Themes: Apollo 18 Tribute Album, based on songs] All alone, all by myself... I'm outside the garden mart, in between that old cadillac and the window where I work. Just walking along, east to west, nothing to see here. I'm real glad I'm all alone, all by myself. [Author's Note: So I'm all alone, and I've got a decision to make.] > About yourself I'm, well, I'm me, right? Nothing special. I've taken off my ugly red uniform and I'm wearing the same jeans from three Christmases ago and that jumper that Granny gave me. > Inventory I am carrying: a lighter a pair of jeans (being worn) a hideous sweater (being worn) some flat shoes (being worn) some lots of cash > Steal cadillac Now's the moment! I smash the window, climb in and fiddle with the wires below the wheel like Cousin Vinnie showed me. It roars into life and I'm free, out on the open road. > You remove sweater Suddenly, I lose courage. A familiar shyness overwhelms me even though there is no one around. > You look at the cash There must be over five hundred dollars stuffed into my jeans. > You examine the window The window is smashed, the fuel set, all I have to do is set it alight. > Burn window The window is smashed, the fuel set. I put a light to it all and run back as it swiftly catches fire. > Go east So I keep on walking. It's just a normal night. Nothing to see here. > You run Go in which compass direction? > Burn car I intend to steal this tonight. Now's the moment! I smash the window, climb in and fiddle with the wires below the wheel like Cousin Vinnie showed me. It roars into life and I'm free, out on the open road. > Y. debugcheapnitfol quit with exit status: 0

[Themes: Horror, nonhuman protagonist, halloween, horror] Suddenly awareness comes to you and your surroundings. You look around slowly, seeing nothing at first, then in the moon light you find yourself in the middle of a pumpkin patch. Looking down at your feet you see straw coming out of the bottom of your pants and fallling over your boots. In wonderment you notice your hands for the first time and see straw coming out of your sleeves as well. As you stare at your hands you notice a strange glow seemingly coming from within you. You start to run your fingers through your hair only to realize you have none. As you stand there in shock over what you've become you realize you have nothing but vague memories of a time before the pumpkin patch. You look around and see large pumpkins that seem to have the same shape as your head. It all comes flooding back to you.....you are Jack....Jack Halloween. Copyright © 2013, Jason Lautzenheiser. Ectocomp13 Entry. You are standing in a middle of a pumpkin patch. The full moon light allows you to see some distance around you. The pumpkin patch goes on as far as you can see except to the south where you can make the outline of a road. [Author's Note: You are Jack and you're running for your life.] > About yourself You are a tall person. You are wearing overhalls and a flannel shirt. There is straw slowly falling out of your sleeves and pants legs leaving a trail behind as you walk. > You go south You are standing in the middle of a dirt road to the south of a large field of pumpkins. The road stretches on the the east and west. Looking up the road, you see a set of headlights headed in your direction. Something screams in your very soul that you need to hide, you don't think it would be wise to be caught in the open in your state. > You hide You lie down in the ditch along the road. > You wait Time passes. The car drives slowly down the road just feet from where you are lying down. Two boys hang out the side window with shotguns at the ready. You hear one of them say "I swear I saw something standing around here somewhere." "You just had too much beer before we left Joe, you're so drunk you wouldn't notice old Jack standing right next to you.", someone yelled from inside the car. The car slides a bit further down the road, turns around and then heads back the way it came. As the car flies back up the road one of it's hubcaps comes off and lands in the ditch just ahead of you. You reach over and pick it up. > Examine hubcap Really nothing more than a rusty piece of metal that was loosly attached to the wheel of the car. It is flat and looks like if you threw it like a frisbee it would go a great distance.

[Themes: Horror, halloween, horror] > Look around >Road You are standing in the middle of a dirt road to the south of a large field of pumpkins. The road stretches on the the east and west. > Go east As you come up on the edge of town, you see some movement ahead. You crouch in the shadows not wanting to be seen. Soon you see the movement again and you can just make out someone patrolling back and forth across the road. There is no way to get around him without being seen. Perhaps you could distract him somehow. You can see a young man here. > You examine man The man appears to be just a teenager. A young teen by the looks of it. In one hand he carries a large machete and slung from one shoulder is a rifle. > You examine the rifle A .270 Winchester rifle. Powerful enough to spread the pumpkin seeds in your head all over the road. > You throw the hubcap You stand up quickly and your movement draws the attention of the young man. You quickly throw the hubcap in his direction. The hubcap flies quickly through the dark night and before he can even react, it strikes him square across his forehead immediately dropping him to the ground. > You get all rifle: Taken. machete: Taken. > You look at the man The man appears to be just a teenager. A young teen by the looks of it. Embedded in his head is the hubcap you just threw. > You get the hubcap That is embedded in his skull....I don't think you want to take that.

> Look around You are standing on the edge of town. To the west the road heads out of town and to the east you can make out what looks like the center of town. You see the body of a young man here. > You go west You are standing in the middle of a dirt road to the south of a large field of pumpkins. The road stretches on the the east and west. > Go west You feel a strong urge to continue to the town in the east. > Go east As you begin to head east towards the town, the car suddenly accelerates. Before you can react, it barrels into you. Your body, made mostly of straw flys apart scattering straw everywhere. The last thing you remember before the light dims from your eyes is your large pumpkin head bouncing off the windshield and onto the road only shatter into thousands of pieces. > Go east As you enter the town's center you hear a gunshot ring out. The whistle of the slug as it passes near your head and the dust kicking up a few feet behind you are enough to send you scrambling to hide behind the fountain. You are hiding behind the fountain in the town square. You can head back out of town to the west. There is an old church to the north and the townhall building is on the south side of the square. There is a shooter somewhere in the square. > You examine shooter The shooter is too far away to get a good look at in this poor lighting, but you can see that he has his rifle trained in your direction. Another gunshot rings through the square and you hear the slug skip off the edge of the fountain just to the left of where you are hiding. This time however, you did see the flash of the shot. The shooter is hiding in the clock tower in the townhall on the south side of the square. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a machete a rifle > Shoot shooter You take quick aim in the direction of the clock tower and pull the trigger. When the flash from the shot clears, you see the shooter slumping over the edge of the clocktower.

> You describe your surroundings You are standing in the center of town. You can head back out of town to the west. There is an old church to the north and the townhall building is on the south side of the square. In the center of the square is a fountain. The dead shooter is slumped over the side of the clock tower. > You examine the shooter The shooter is too far away to get a good look at in this poor lighting, but you can see that he is slumped over the edge of the clock tower dead. > You go north You are outside an old church. The church has seen better years. Behind the church to the east you see a small overgrown cemetary. > You go to the east As you enter the cemetary, you feel a sudden pressure building in your head. As your head expands, cracks appear and the light coming from within you outshines the full moon. As you fall to your knees, the screams coming from the town can be heard far above your own. The curse of Jack Halloween has been lifted. You are free from your cycle of birth and death and the town has fallen beneath the weight of its sins.

[Themes: Mythological, Joke, unwinnable, Argonauts, Mythology, ancient Greece] Ah! The life of an Argonaut! Adventure on the high seas! The quest for the Golden Fleece! Of course, you get queasy just visiting the baths, and you really don't think you and the boys have a shot in Hades of ever laying eyes on that Fleece, but it was either this or stay home and continue to herd sheep, so you signed up. Once you got over the initial sea sickness, it wasn't all that bad. Your first stop, at Lemnos, lasted a year, and there were some major smoochies during that tenure. You were just beginning to think you'd made the right choice when the boss went and uprooted everybody for the next port. The boss, Jason... enh. He's a good enough guy. He means well and all, and it's not exactly like he *chose* to come on this stupid quest any more than you did, but after having some of your buddies slaughtered in the night on the island of the Mount of Bears and Hercules losing his little lover boy at Mysia, you're beginning to have second thoughts. Then came this latest port: the land of the Bebrycians. The ruler here, King Amycus, seems to think he's the Heavyweight Champion of Mt. Olympus or something. He won't let any of you leave the island before you have a little boxing match with him. You were really thinking that your buddy Polydeuces the Argonaut would take him on, but Polydeuces had some business off in the bushes and the King just wouldn't wait... the next thing you knew, a couple of pretty little ladies were strapping ox-hide boxing gloves on your hands and you were in the ring with Mohammed Aliamycus. You never thought you'd say this, but you're starting to miss those sheep. (Who can't believe she's claiming authorship) Part of SpeedIF: ASCII and the ARGONAUTS It's really lovely here on the beach, what with the waves and the sand and all the lovely ladies in the crowd this afternoon and - !%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%! !%%%% HOLY HERA %%%%! !%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%! You're knocked nearly senseless, spinning for a moment before landing face-first in the sand. Fortunately, you brush yourself off and turn to face your attacker before he sits on you. The king raises his gloves in the air and squints his eyes at you. I beg your pardon? > About yourself My, what a nice loincloth you're wearing... but those legs are a ghastly white. Maybe if you got off the boat more. Well, you can tan later. Right now there's a very anxious, very large man wearing ox-hide boxing gloves here, and he has his eye on you. > You examine man The king may not be quite as tall as you are, but he more than makes up for that in strength. He has muscles in places you didn't even realize you *could* have muscles, which is really all you can focus on at this moment. The king throws a couple of fake jabs, but the very sight of his flexing muscles nearly makes you faint. > Punch king Before you can even get in a punch, you're on your knees from the king's latest blow. "Zippin' Zeus," you mumble as you try to get back up to fight. > You examine ladies You'd best just focus on the fight for now... maybe later you can site see. > Punch (King Amycus) "Oh Sweet Zeus!" you cry. "It's Kraken the sea monster!" you scream, pointing off the beach. The king, never one to expect something low like this, turns to see what you're pointing at. Quick on your toes, you use the moment to jump on the king from behind. You're able to stay on his back for a fraction of a second before he (not so) playfully flings your body into the dirt. > Xyzzy You stand defiantly, look the king straight in the eye and say, "XYZZY!" There is a brief pause. Then he punches you in the stomach. > Punch king You try to concentrate - really you do - but the sight of a lovely lady off in the crowd distracts you. "Venerable Venus!" you say beneath your breath, and start to wander out of the ring toward her. In surprise, she rushes forward and pushes you back into the ring. "Fight for me!" you hear her cry, just as you take another hit to the right side. > You go to the north If you leave, Jason and the team will at best abandon you, and at worst kill you for being such a pathetic coward. If you stay, you'll probably get knocked clear out of your loincloth. Either way, the options aren't good, but since this is ancient Greece and there's probably somebody writing this down, you should stay and try to do your best for history. The king takes another punch, just for good measure. "Crazy Crommyon Sow!" you cry. Alas, you are unable to dodge the blow, and it hits home, right between your eyes. Alarmingly, your vision tunnels - real, honest-to-goodness tunnel vision - and all you can see is the king. He leans forward, takes in a deep breath, and blows a light puff of air in your direction. You feel yourself falling, hurtling toward the beach with alarming speed, and yet time starts to draw itself out. Fractions of a second seem to take minutes. You reflect for a moment on what your life has become. "Invisible Argonaut? Why would they call me an Invisible Argonaut?" you think to yourself... and then you realize. You're not making it into the history books. You are a wimp. You signed up to be an Argonaut for the adventure and the women and the glory. Well, at least - for a time - you had two out of three.

[Themes: Humor, violence, duck, office, surreal] It's another nice, sunny day outside. The bird are singing, the flowers are beaming, and all is well. Well, that's what you assume, since in actual fact you're inside a brand new office on the sixth floor of the Weiner Corporation's newest skyscraper. At any rate, the job pays well, and your day usually passes by without any notable incidents to marr its pleasing monotony. But something is different today. Cold sweat glistens on your brow. You know all too well what this means. Somewhere...somehow... a duck is watching you. Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. [Author's Note: Office life could be easy, if there weren't a duck staring at you.] > About yourself You've never really looked at yourself in a mirror. In fact, you tend to avoid mirrors like the plague, to such an extent that you're not sure what you really look like. You're sure of it. There's a duck watching you right now. > You look at the cow It's leaning against the wall, legs crossed, smoking a cigarette. What is it doing here? You have not the slightest idea, and you're not really interested in finding out. What you really want to find... is that DUCK! You wipe off a bead of sweat. Why did it have to be here? Why did it have to be now? Why? WHY? > You ask the cow about the duck You could just try to engage in casual conversation. One way of doing this is by typing TALK TO NPC into the command prompt. (Oh, crap, I just broke the fourth wall. Who's going to pay for that, I wonder?) You loosen your tie with one hand, and glance around fearfully. > You look Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. You have no choice. You have to find that duck, track it down, hound it, chase it to the ends of the earth if necessary. Thus is the price you must pay for peace of mind. > You talk to the cow You cough. The cow coughs. For a moment, silence hangs heavy upon both of you. "So. Ahem." "You wanted to ask me something, boss?" the cow says finally, chewing on its cigarette in a typically bovine manner. 1) "Do you see that duck?" 2) "What are you doing here?" > 2 ["What are you doing here?"] "Don't you remember, boss?" the cow says, slapping you on the back with one hoof. "We're corporate spies working for ACME. This is an undercover operation, okay? I see what's wrong with you: you've been trying to use the "How to Brainwash Yourself Easily" book again. If you've got amnesia, we gotta exfiltrate ourselves pronto and burn the evidence. Have you got amnesia, boss?" 1) "I haven't got amnesia, you idiot!" 2) "I can't remember anything! What is my REAL identity?" > 1 ["I haven't got amnesia, you idiot!"] "Phoooey," the cow sighs with relief, tugging at its cigarette compulsively. "You had me worried there for a second." And upon these words, it begins to stare intensively at the wall, as though waiting for ninja chipmunks to leap out without warning. Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. You can feel the duck's beady dark eyes boring into the back of your skull. > You look at the wire It's too thick to cut with scissors, sadly enough. Though the duck is not in the room, still you feel its baleful glare, unwavering, unblinking. > You examine the pane It's made of glass. You bang your head against the furniture, heart bowed down beneath a seething cloud of paranoia. > You examine the fax It's a great, heavy monster of bureaucratic hell. With its aid, you could fax a dinosaur to Hawaii, that's telling you how sophisticated it is. It's powered by a very, very long electric wire which crosses the floor and disappears out into the corridor to the south. Oh, and it's also blatantly simple to use: all that is necessary is to put something in it, and then dial any number between 0 and 10. The fax machine has been customized specifically for faxing things to a very specific destination. You must do something about that duck. There is no other way. > You examine the desk It's an IKEA desk, somewhat disfigured by coffee rings (from all the times you left your hot mug of coffee on the desk for far too much time). And certainly it would be nice to have more than just the one drawer for tidying away your stuff. But it's perfectly adequate for the kind of work you do for the Weiner Corporation -- namely, sorting through piles of mail. Such as the huge heap now standing before you. Something must be done. > You examine the cityscape New Dork City stretches out before you in its full glory. But what interests you most of all is the building opposite the one you're currently in: the ACME Corporation's newest skycraper. All this stress and paranoia proves far too much for you. With a wordless cry you throw yourself out the window! Actually, you do not throw yourself out of the window, you merely bounce off it with a muffled "PANG", and then stagger out into the corridor, nursing your blossoming bruise. The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. > You look at the door Upon it are the following (badly-inked) words: M. POND -- MAILROOM > You go north One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > Sort mail You find a letter from none other than "Mr. Coffee Machine"! How odd. A quick glance indicates that he is appealing to the powers that be for the right to have his own office chair. > You open the drawer You pull open the drawer, and find only a lonely-looking pair of scissors. You decide after some deliberation to take this with you (you never know when it might come in handy...) > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a pair of scissors a shirt (being worn) a tie (being worn) > You examine the chair It's a sturdy thing, with sturdy wheels that are always well oiled (you suspect that the office elves do all that work when no one is looking.) handy at some point in the immediate future. > You get the mail That's hardly portable. > You take off the shirt You take off the shirt. > You examine the tie Suitably unfashionable.

> You look around One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You examine the duck It's too far away for you to tell, but it appears to be staring at you in an unsettling way. > You look at telephone It's a pink telephone with yellow flowers painted on it. It's quite... stylish? As you stare at it, the thought occurs to you that it might be a good idea to call someone. In fact, there are plenty of people you could call. You have their numbers memorized by heart, as a matter of fact. You could contact... 1) the police 2) the local hospital 3) your aunt 4) the head of Inhuman Resources 5) the ACME Corporation 6) the nearest pizzeria 7) the nearest Pest Control unit 8) the Society for the Care and Protection of Conspiracy Theories 9) Gary Larson > 9 [Gary Larson] You get only an answerphone. "Gary Larson is on holiday in Africa, being bullied by Jane Goodall's chimps. Please call back another time." One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You examine the cityscape New Dork City stretches out before you in its full glory. But what interests you most of all is the building opposite the one you're currently in: the ACME Corporation's newest skycraper. > You examine the shirt It's covered in squid ink stains (don't ask why). You feel something heavy in your breast pocket, and it's definitely not your heart. > You look at ACME You glance at it through the glass window, and shudder. The duck is there, peering out through an office window, staring at you through caricatural binoculars. > You examine the pocket You squint and squirm, but conclude that the only way to find out what's inside is to boldly go forth and SEARCH it. > You search pocket In the breast pocket is a portable squid. > You get the squid Taken. > You get the squid You already have that. > You examine it It's an extremely tiny, adorable little squid about the size of a fountain pen. Every now and then, it makes cute squid noises. > You squeeze the squid You squeeze the squid gently, and before you know it it squirts ink all over your face! Instant karma, indeed. > You look at the wall It's made of glass. > You look at telephone It's a pink telephone with yellow flowers painted on it. It's quite... stylish? As you stare at it, the thought occurs to you that it might be a good idea to call someone. In fact, there are plenty of people you could call. You have their numbers memorized by heart, as a matter of fact. You could contact... 1) the police 2) the local hospital 3) your aunt 4) the head of Inhuman Resources 5) the ACME Corporation 6) the nearest pizzeria 7) the nearest Pest Control unit 8) the Society for the Care and Protection of Conspiracy Theories 9) Gary Larson > 5 [the ACME Corporation] After several minutes of mildly annoying music, you finally get a response: "Hello, how may I help you?" "Um, I'm not sure..." "That's not a problem at all. We cater to all needs: the Clown Department is on the first floor, the Jungle Department on the second floor, the Toothpick Department is on the third floor, bananas are plentiful on the fourth floor, we have fire and brimstone on the fifth floor, doughnuts on the seventh floor, unspeakable things on the eighth floor, anachronistic but potentially useful duck-killing weapons on the ninth floor, and if you like ice-cream you can always go to the tenth floor. Please keep in mind, however, that before entering the elevator you will be stripped of all suspicious belongings by our diligent Security Brigade." "Thanks, but what I really wanted to know is: have you seen a duck, anywhere? "I am not at liberty to say," the receptionnist replies apologetically. The conversation ends soon afterwards. One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You go south The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. > You go east Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. > You look at the poster It advertises the latest action movie: FLY HARD, with Braaawk Willis playing a daredevil chicken cop facing off against Alan Cricketman's stereotypically six-legged (and German!) baddie. The poster shows the main character jumping off an exploding skyscraper with a (live) electric wire tied around himself. The tagline reads: "Always in the wrong place at the wrong time, wearing the wrong clothes and using the wrong shaving cream! BURMA SHAVE". > You talk to the coffee machine You clear your throat, and cough. "Ahem? Mr Coffee Machine? Are you all right?" "I feel terrible," the coffee machine groans. "My self-esteem is down the toilet. I'm tragically misunderstood. The whole world conspires against me." 1) "Okay, I'm sorry to hear that. Would it be okay if I had a cup of coffee?" 2) "Oh, come one, it can't be that bad." > 2 ["Oh, come one, it can't be that bad."] "Not that bad?" the coffee machine snorts bitterly. "Not that bad?!? God dang it, I've been working here for 65 years and I've never even been promoted! I don't even get my own office chair! That would be so little to ask for -- an office chair of my own, to sit on whenever I feel tired, a token of respect for all the coffee I've pumped out all those years! The Weiner Corporation would have NEVER been as successful as it is without MY coffee to keep their minds sharp and lively into the wee hours of the night!" 1) "Ahem... talking about coffee... could I have some, please?" 2) "Ahem... isn't there something you could do?" > 2 ["Ahem... isn't there something you could do?"] "Like, I don't know... have you tried talking to a psychiatrist?" you add, patting the coffee machine on the -- for lack of a better word -- "shoulder". "Psychiatrist? I'm not mad, you idiot!" the machine retorts angrily. "This is it! I'm not going to put up with this sort of crap any more! I'm handing in my resignation! Right now, do you hear?" It hops out of the room and down the corridor at breakneck speed. Soon afterwards, to your dismay, you hear the sound of a heavy coffee machine falling down six flights of stairs in a record-breaking (and neck-breaking) 3.45 seconds. Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. > 1 ["Ahem... talking about coffee... could I have some, please?"] "Coffee!" the machine snorts. "You want coffee? Here's your coffee, you selfish jerk!" For a second, it looks like the machine is going to hurl piping hot caffeine beverages at your face, but your fear prove to be unfounded, and sure enough you find yourself looking down at a cup of coffee as you hold it tentatively in one hand. The rooms falls silent once more, and your mind is irresistably drawn back to the one thing uppermost in your thoughts right now. That. Goddamn. DUCK. Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. > You go west The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. > You go north One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > Go south The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. > Go east Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. The coffee machine notices that you have brought an office chair into the room! "Golly, is that for me?" it gasps. "Yup," you reply. With herethereto unsuspected nimbleness, the great lumbering caffeine-dispensing contraction hops onto the chair, whooping with delight. > You talk to the Machine The coffee machine is in its own nirvana. Best not to engage conversation with it right now. > You go west The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. > You look at the door Upon it are the following (badly-inked) words: M. POND -- MAILROOM > Smell You smell the unmistakeable smell of napalm -- uh, coffee in the morning, actually. It appears to be emanating (if that is the correct terminology) from the eastern side. > You go to the west The corridor ends here, and there are stairs heading down to the west. To the east, the corridor continues in a shuffling sort of way. If you should feel the need, you may always enter the elevator which is situated (for your benefit) to the south, or else enter the storage room to the north. > You go north This room is filled with empty boxes, of the sort used for packaging. The only obvious exit is south. On the floor is a large cardboard tube with both ends sealed. Dangling from the ceiling is a long roll of sellotape. > You examine the sellotape Someone clearly ran out of flypaper, and decided that it would be a smart idea to use the sellotape as a substitute. The roll of sellotape is only partially unrolled, however, and dangles from the ceiling like a peculiar pendulum of insect doom. > You look at the tube As you look closely, it wobbles a little to the left and then to the right again. There is definitely something in there... something alive. > Open tube You open the large cardboard tube, revealing a weiner dog. > You examine the dog It looks up placidly at you, and yawns, mumbling something unintelligible about coffee in the morning. > Inventory You are carrying: a large cardboard tube (open) a weiner dog a cup of coffee a portable squid a pair of scissors a shirt a tie (being worn) > You give the coffee to the dog The dog refuses. "Coffee," he mutters. > You take the tape It's tantalizingly out of reach, as you conclude from several minutes of futile hopping up and down like an over-excited chihuahua.

[Themes: Humor, office, violence] > You look at your surroundings This room is filled with empty boxes, of the sort used for packaging. The only obvious exit is south. Dangling from the ceiling is a long roll of sellotape. > Examine boxes They're very uninteresting, in an interesting way. > You climb the boxes Little is to be achieved by that. > Go south The corridor ends here, and there are stairs heading down to the west. To the east, the corridor continues in a shuffling sort of way. If you should feel the need, you may always enter the elevator which is situated (for your benefit) to the south, or else enter the storage room to the north. > You take the dog You pull the weiner dog out from the tube. This takes some time, and it is only by seizing it by the hind legs and swinging it around the room that the tube finally flies off, ricochetting off the wall in the process. The dog grumbles a bit, muttering about "Inhuman Resources" under its breath. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a large cardboard tube (open but empty) a weiner dog a cup of coffee a portable squid a pair of scissors a shirt a tie (being worn) > You drop the dog Dropped. > You show the coffee to the dog The weiner dog is unimpressed. > You take the dog The weiner dog allows you to pick it up, staring at you with drowsiness in its eyes. > You put the dog in the tube You put the weiner dog into the large cardboard tube. > Close tube You close the large cardboard tube. > You go south As you enter the elevator, the doors close behind you, uttering a peculiar squeaking noise in the process. With a whirr, and without you having even had the time to fiddle around with the buttons, the elevator begins to descend -- into lunacy? Who knows. The elevator in which you are currently standing smells strongly of canine interference. A panel of buttons covers one wall. As if to attract your attention, the elevator whines like a dog whose nose has just been bopped over the nose with a newspaper. > You examine the buttons Upon closer examination, someone has replaced all the buttons by tin tacks. This, among other things, means that you cannot mess around with it as much as you wanted to. The elevator screeches to a stop, and an electronic voice says breathlessly: "Time out! Be back in a jiffy!" After a moment or so, the elevator whirrs back to life, and business resumes. > Smell You smell nothing. Nothing, that is, other than the smell of your own fear. The elevator stops briefly, the doors opening for just the exact amount of time required for an enormous elephant to fit itself inside along with you. > You examine the elephant You see nothing special about the enormous elephant. The elephant sneezes. The tension is palpable. > You talk to the elephant You have no idea what you would say to the enormous elephant. The elevator stops again, and to your vast surprise another elephant steps inside, this time carrying a guitar and wearing a flower shirt! You try to make a dash for freedom, but alas the doors have already closed, and the elevator has resumed its descent. > You examine the hippy You see nothing special about the elephant hippy. It's now beginning to feel a little crowded in here. And the irritating little elves singing high-pitched renditions of "The Bohemian Rhapsody" are simply not helping. > Wait Time passes. The elevator stops. There is silence. And then... a third elephant, wearing a business suit and a fedora, crams itself inside. "Jeez," he says. "This sure is cramped, fellas." > Go north The doors are closed, and there doesn't appear to be any button allowing you to open them. What a nuisance. And the matter of that duck still remains unresolved. What a day. What... a... day. Oddly enough, you are finding it a little hard to breathe in here. > Go upward You can't go that way. The elevator is almost at the lobby, and you pray to God that you make it there alive. > You examine businessman You see nothing special about the elephant businessman. Just when you thought this nightmare was over, the elevator abruptly stops at the first floor. You get a sinking feeling. Oh, no. Please. You watch the elevator doors open. Slooooowly.... And then.... ... a fourth elephant, wearing dark glasses and wielding a cane, calmly tries to fit itself into the elevator. SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! The elevator falls, carrying you and the four elephants down with it. The little annoying elves -- those responsible for the annoying elevator music -- all unaminously begin to do their own rendition of Fauré's Requiem. Everyone inside the elevator goes crashing through the earth's molten core, screaming all the way. Eventually, the elevators comes soaring out through a volcano in New Zealand, but by then you are all toast. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a cup of coffee a portable squid a pair of scissors a shirt a tie (being worn) > You go east Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. There is a strong stench of coffee here, almost sufficient to drive small dogs mad. The office chair is bowed down beneath the weight of a smug-looking coffee machine. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. > You unplug the wire You notice that unplugging the electric wire is nothing short of impossible, owing to the external action of some diabolical villain. Curses. > You cut the wire You make a brave attempt to cut the wire with the pair of scissors, but it is all too obvious to even the most stubborn intellect that these scissors are only adequate for slicing through cardboard. > Go north One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You cut the boxes That would take forever, and you'd just end up buried under a pile of cardboard confettis. > You cut the tape It's tantalizingly out of reach, as you conclude from several minutes of waving the scissors around like a homicidal maniac. > You cut tube You can't cut the carboard tube in half without first emptying it. That's one of the Six Basic Rules of the Mailroom. > Open tube You open the large cardboard tube, revealing a weiner dog. > You take the dog You pull the weiner dog out from the tube. This takes some time, and it is only by seizing it by the hind legs and swinging it around the room that the tube finally flies off, ricochetting off the wall in the process. The dog grumbles a bit, muttering about "Inhuman Resources" under its breath. > You cut tube You take a few minutes of your time to neatly cut the tube into two long, equal pieces. As you let them fall to the floor, you notice that they look remarkably like cardboard skis! This is food for thought. > Inventory You are carrying: some pieces of cardboard which look like cardboard skis a weiner dog a cup of coffee a portable squid a pair of scissors a shirt a tie (being worn) > You go west You are about to go down the stairs when you abruptly become aware of one niggling fact: namely, that each and every single step is carefully layered with marbles. > You drop the skis Dropped. > You examine the marbles There are millions of these little shiny marbles. It must have taken forever to lay them out upon every single step, and you wonder who on earth would be so diabolically villainous and maniacally persnickety as to be capable of such a heinous act. > You take the chair Wouldn't it be easier to push it around? It's got wheels, after all. > Go west The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. There is a strong stench of coffee here, almost sufficient to drive small dogs mad. The office chair is bowed down beneath the weight of a smug-looking coffee machine. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. > Go west The corridor ends here, and there are stairs heading down to the west. To the east, the corridor continues in a shuffling sort of way. If you should feel the need, you may always enter the elevator which is situated (for your benefit) to the south, or else enter the storage room to the north. There is a strong stench of coffee here, almost sufficient to drive small dogs mad. The office chair is bowed down beneath the weight of a smug-looking coffee machine. > Go north This room is filled with empty boxes, of the sort used for packaging. The only obvious exit is south. There is a strong stench of coffee here, almost sufficient to drive small dogs mad. The office chair is bowed down beneath the weight of a smug-looking coffee machine. Dangling from the ceiling is a long roll of sellotape. > You get on the chair You stand up on the chair, wobbling slightly as you do so. Now what next? Storage Room (on the office chair) This room is filled with empty boxes, of the sort used for packaging. The only obvious exit is south. There is a strong stench of coffee here, almost sufficient to drive small dogs mad. Dangling from the ceiling is a long roll of sellotape. > You take the tape You cut the sellotape with a neat snip of the scissors, and retrieve the rest of it for your own personal use.

[Themes: Humor, office, surreal, duck] > Go downwards (first getting off the office chair) You can't go that way. > Inventory You are carrying: some sellotape some pieces of cardboard which look like cardboard skis a weiner dog a cup of coffee a portable squid a pair of scissors a shirt a tie (being worn) > You attach the skis What do you want to attach the pieces of cardboard which look like cardboard skis to? > Yourself You laboriously sellotape the first piece of cardboard to your right foot, and then the second piece of cardboard to your left foot. Now you are officially equipped with utterly demented cardboard skis! > Go west You glance at the marbles, but your mind is already made up. You are going to ski your way down there like a champion. With a yell of triumph (or fear?) you go forth! Marbles rattle and scuttle away in panic as you hurtle down the stairs! You go down all six flights of stairs in exactly 3.1415 seconds! (You are very meticulous about those things.) This daring ride culminates in your triumphant (but brief) arrival in the lobby of the Weiner Corporation. Propelled by all the momentum you've just gained, you sail out through the revolving doors, across the street (narrowly avoiding an entire flock of boneless chickens, who were for some incomprehensible reason trying to cross the road) and at long last arrive in the lobby of the ACME Corporation. This is exactly what you wanted. For, hidden upon one of the myriad floors of the ACME Corporation's skyscraper, the DUCK awaits. (And so does your timely revenge!) The lobby stretches out before you, a beautiful pristine space with sliding doors awaiting you to the south, leading out into the busy street. You can enter the elevator here. > Go south You've gone through ridicule to get here! Giving up is simply not an option. > Inventory You are carrying: some sellotape a weiner dog a cup of coffee a portable squid a pair of scissors a shirt a tie (being worn) > You look at the coffee It's a plastic cup, predictably filled with black murky liquid that one must assume was coffee at some point in the past. > Smell the coffee You smell nothing. Nothing, that is, other than the smell of your own fear. > You enter the elevator Before you can enter the elevator, a security guard (who you could have sworn was not there a second ago) frisks you, relieving you of all your suspicious-looking personal items. A few seconds later, you are half-naked, standing only in your underwear. "You're good to go," the guard grunts, and pushes you into the elevator most uncourteously. This is not a mere elevator: it is a superluminal cartoon lift, whose cruise speed is 299 000 000 meters a second on average, and fully capable of taking you from the lobby to the moon in an astonishingly short time. The glowing digits above the door spell out the number 0 - though you can make the elevator move up and down to your heart's content by the seemingly innocuous act of pressing a numbered button. > Press 9 You press button 9. The lift whirs into action and moves to the correct level. > You go outside This is a mystifying room. You wonder what on earth it is for. You can enter the elevator here. Lying on the floor here is a curious, cylindrical piece of metal. > You look at the metal Upon closer examination, you find that this is a light-saber! How anachronistic. > Inventory You are carrying: a light-saber

[Themes: Humor, violence, duck] > You look around This is a mystifying room. You wonder what on earth it is for. You can enter the elevator here. > You enter the elevator This is not a mere elevator: it is a superluminal cartoon lift, whose cruise speed is 299 000 000 meters a second on average, and fully capable of taking you from the lobby to the moon in an astonishingly short time. The glowing digits above the door spell out the number 9 - though you can make the elevator move up and down to your heart's content by the seemingly innocuous act of pressing a numbered button. > Press 6 You press button 6. The lift whirs into action and moves to the correct level. > You go outside At last! You've found it. Standing before you, with somewhat a malevolent air, is the Mad Duck. The duck sees you, and smiles. "At last, Pond. You've found my... what's the word? ... aha!... my secret lair. How clever of you, indeed." > You kill Duck With a barbarian yell, you lunge forward, ready for the Fight of the Century (TM). 1) Hit the duck on the head 2) Kick the duck in the stomach 3) Attack him with your light-saber > 3 [Attack him with your light-saber] You pull out the light-saber that you found in the Anachronism Department, and bring it down upon the duck's head. At the very last moment, however, he blocks your blow with his own light-saber! There is a ZZZZZZZZZZZ noise as the two laser blades come into contact. 1) Kick the duck in the private parts 2) Use the Force > 2 [Use the Force] You focus, and try to use the Force. But nothing happens. Nothing at all. "There is no such thing as the Force, you silly duck!" your adversary cackles (or rather, QUACKles). 1) Kill the duck 2) "Wait, you called me a WHAT?" > 2 ["Wait, you called me a WHAT?"] "That's right, Pond," the duck replies, clearly on the verge of revealing a dark secret (and enjoying every second of it). "You thought you were human, but all along... all along, you were exactly what you always feared: A DUCK!!!" 1) Kill the duck 2) Scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" out loud > 2 [Scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" out loud] Seized by a surge of despair and rage, you rush at the duck, swinging your light-saber around your head. In your precipitation, you slip on a banana peeling, and land on your face in a flurry of feathers. The awful truth sinks in at last. You are a duck. You are a duck. You are a -- > You talk to Duck "I need to talk to you," you begin, stepping forward. "Oh?" the duck says coldly. 1) "I want to know who you are." 2) "I want to know why you were watching me" > 2 ["I want to know why you were watching me"] "Why? You want to know why?" The duck seems genuinely surprised. "Yes! I've gone through ridicule to find you! I deserve to know!" you retort. "Well... if the truth be told... I was waiting for my evil plans to fall into place... and... well, I guess I got bored?" 1) "I want to know who you are." 2) "Evil plans?" > 2 ["Evil plans?"] "Didn't you know?" the duck replies, shocked. "I'm a comic-book villain, I am. And a very stylish one, too." It dawn upon you then that Fate itself has brought you here. An inner voice whispers: You are the One. With a barbarian yell, you lunge forward, ready for the Fight of the Century (TM). 1) Hit the duck on the head 2) Kick the duck in the stomach 3) Attack him with your light-saber > 2 [Kick the duck in the stomach] Channelling your inner Karate Kid, you stand on one foot, and then lash out. The duck, not expecting this (he probably bought his light-saber on Ebay and has no actual Jedi training), is sent flying backwards. He crashes through the glass wall, and falls plummetting from six floors" worth of the ACME Corporation's newest skyscraper. This does not kill him, but after several months in hospital he is arrested for crimes against the Universe. Apparently, his name (his REAL name) is Moriarty Machiavelli the Third. It turns out he was your uncle, but that does not necessarily entail that you are a duck. At least, that is the way you choose to view things, and it's working out pretty well so far. Besides, one good thing has come out of this mess: you are no longer in the throes of ANATIDAEPHOBIA. > 1 ["I want to know who you are."] "Me?" the duck replies quizzically. "Why, my name is Moriarty Machiavelli the Third. And..." he pauses for dramatic effect, "I....am... your UNCLE!" 1) Ask the duck for an explanation 2) Scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" out loud > 1 [Ask the duck for an explanation] "But how can that be?" you exclaim out loud, trembling slightly. "My aunt is a gorilla!" "The biological details are messy and somewhat complicated," the duck replies coolly. "Suffice to say, you are half duck. Ah, the irony of it, my nephew Pond!" 1) Kick the duck in the stomach 2) Scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" out loud

[Themes: Humor, surreal, office] It's another nice, sunny day outside. The bird are singing, the flowers are beaming, and all is well. Well, that's what you assume, since in actual fact you're inside a brand new office on the sixth floor of the Weiner Corporation's newest skyscraper. At any rate, the job pays well, and your day usually passes by without any notable incidents to marr its pleasing monotony. But something is different today. Cold sweat glistens on your brow. You know all too well what this means. Somewhere...somehow... a duck is watching you. Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You examine the fax machine It's a great, heavy monster of bureaucratic hell. With its aid, you could fax a dinosaur to Hawaii, that's telling you how sophisticated it is. It's powered by a very, very long electric wire which crosses the floor and disappears out into the corridor to the south. Oh, and it's also blatantly simple to use: all that is necessary is to put something in it, and then dial any number between 0 and 10. The fax machine has been customized specifically for faxing things to a very specific destination. You're sure of it. There's a duck watching you right now. > Inventory You are carrying: a shirt (being worn) a tie (being worn) You wipe off a bead of sweat. Why did it have to be here? Why did it have to be now? Why? WHY? > You put the tie in the fax (first taking it off) You put the tie into the fax machine. You loosen your tie with one hand, and glance around fearfully. > Dial 1 There is a ZZZZZIP noise, and then it is done."Item faxed to the ACME Clown Department," the electronic voice mumbles, sounding highly unamused. You have no choice. You have to find that duck, track it down, hound it, chase it to the ends of the earth if necessary. Thus is the price you must pay for peace of mind. > You enter the fax That's not something you can enter. You can feel the duck's beady dark eyes boring into the back of your skull. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a shirt (being worn) Though the duck is not in the room, still you feel its baleful glare, unwavering, unblinking. > You look at telephone It's a pink telephone with yellow flowers painted on it. It's quite... stylish? As you stare at it, the thought occurs to you that it might be a good idea to call someone. In fact, there are plenty of people you could call. You have their numbers memorized by heart, as a matter of fact. You could contact... 1) the police 2) the local hospital 3) your aunt 4) the head of Inhuman Resources 5) the ACME Corporation 6) the nearest pizzeria 7) the nearest Pest Control unit 8) the Society for the Care and Protection of Conspiracy Theories 9) Gary Larson > 3 [your aunt] On second thought, you decide not to call your aunt. You remember all too well what happened last time she came to New Dork City. The authorities had to rescue her from the very top of the Umpire State Building (where she was doing a drunken imititation of King Kong). Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. You bang your head against the furniture, heart bowed down beneath a seething cloud of paranoia. > 6 [the nearest pizzeria] The response is immediate. What pizza would you like, buddy? "Give me," you say, suddenly sounding very determined, "the Mother of All Pizzas." "With pepperoni on top?""With pepperoni on top." When you finally hang up a few minutes later, you rest safely in the knowledge that the most awesome pizza known to mankind is speeding on its way to you. Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. You must do something about that duck. There is no other way. > 7 [the nearest Pest Control unit] Actually, the Pest Control unit was closed a few weeks ago, after its offices were trashed by the Roach Gang. Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. Something must be done. > 8 [the Society for the Care and Protection of Conspiracy Theories] You spend a few tedious minutes being told that the duck needs their help more than you do, since in actual fact it constitutes a living conspiracy theory in itself. Frustrated, you hang up. Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > 1 All this stress and paranoia proves far too much for you. With a wordless cry you throw yourself out the window! Actually, you do not throw yourself out of the window, you merely bounce off it with a muffled "PANG", and then stagger out into the corridor, nursing your blossoming bruise. The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important. A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east. I didn't understand that sentence. > You go north One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > 1 [the police] You quickly dial in 911, and shortly afterwards you are on the emergency line. "You are now on the emergency line of the New Dork City Police Department, the voice on the other end says laconically." "There is a duck staring at me!" you shout into the receiver. "Is it threatening you with a chainsaw?" the voice replies coldly. "Uh -- no." BEEP. One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > 2 [the local hospital] An automated voice is the only reply you get: "Hello. We are currently swamped with patients. In fact, there are patients everywhere. Patients in the corridors, patients in the toilets, patients hiding inside our clothing, patients behind our ears, patients as far as the eye can see. We are, in fact, beginning to lose our minds. Have a lovely day." BEEP. One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > 4 [the head of Inhuman Resources] You quickly dial in the number. "Hello? This is Pond. I work in the mailroom. I have a problem," you rattle off with the speed of a machine-gun. "Moooo?" "Never mind," you sigh, and hang up. One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You sit on the chair You stand up on the chair, wobbling slightly as you do so. Now what next? Office (on the office chair) One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You stand You get off the office chair. One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You cut tube You can't cut the cardboard tube in half without first emptying it. That's one of the Six Basic Rules of the Mailroom. > 1 ["Okay, I'm sorry to hear that. Would it be okay if I had a cup of coffee?"] The coffee machine replies, somewhat disgruntedly, "Suit yourself. You know exactly how to push my buttons, don't you?" With a sigh, it stares up at the ceiling and relapses into silence. Feeling somewhat guilty, you get yourself a cup of coffee, but when the moment comes to drink it you merely look down into its murky depths, seeing the coffee machine's discontent reflected from its swirling surface. So you stand there, holding it in your hand, your thoughts drifting back to the one thing which still remains unresolved: the matter of that duck. Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. > Inventory You are carrying: a cup of coffee a pair of scissors a shirt (being worn) > You give the coffee to the dog The dog is still in the carboard tube, and you're still holding that. If you want to offer it coffee, it might be wise to put one or the other down first. You never know what the effects might be. (For instance, if it turns out that the mere absorption of caffeine can transform this dog into a vicious slugbeast, then you'd be glad you weren't carrying it.) > You give the coffee to dog offering. "Thanks," it mumbles, and then slurps it up noisily. Within seconds, it is completely transformed! It starts running around the room like a lunatic. > You look at the dog It looks very agitated, and is constantly trying to bite everything within reach. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a large cardboard tube (open) a weiner dog a cup of coffee a pair of scissors a shirt (being worn) > You enter the elevator The doors are closed, and refuse to open. This is because it already has a passenger, and that passenger is the office chair itself, who must have decided on a whim to fiddle around with the buttons. How inconvenient. > You go east Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine. On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy. A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine. > 6 [the nearest pizzeria] You've already ordered a pizza. No need to be so greedy. One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is an open door. A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine. > You put the squid in the Machine (first taking the portable squid) You put the portable squid into the fax machine. > Dial 9 There is a ZZZZZIP noise, and then it is done."Item faxed to the ACME Anachronistic Department. I really don't know why that exists," the electronic voice grumbles, sounding annoyed. > You put everything in the Machine pair of scissors: Done. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a shirt (being worn) > You remove the shirt then put the shirt in the Machine You take off the shirt. You put the shirt into the fax machine. > Dial 9 There is a ZZZZZIP noise, and then it is done."Item faxed to the ACME Anachronistic Department. I really don't know why that exists," the electronic voice grumbles, sounding annoyed. > You get all cup of coffee: Taken. large cardboard tube: Taken. wire: You tug at the wire tentatively, but without managing to pick it up. With a sigh, you let it clatter to the floor. > You give the coffee to the dog offering. "Thanks," it mumbles, and then slurps it up noisily. Within seconds, it is completely transformed! It starts running around the room like a lunatic. The vicious weiner dog snaps at the wire, slicing it in half. With an unpleasant noise, it is immediately electrocuted, and goes soaring through the ceiling, leaving an odour of singed fur in its wake.