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post | 30gych | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,442,407 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gych/want_to_know_how_the_cold_war_was_ended/ | self.jokes | null | It was with Robotussin and space heaters. | Want to know how the Cold War was ended? | 2 |
post | 30gya3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,442,341 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gya3/whats_the_difference_between_your_mom_and_a/ | self.jokes | null | A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it. | What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito? | 1 |
post | 30gwum | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,440,936 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gwum/how_many_feminists_does_it_take_to_change_a_light/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? | 3 |
post | 30gvbr | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,439,572 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gvbr/whats_the_difference_between_a_german_and_a/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What's the difference between a German and a mosquito? | 0 |
post | 30gv4y | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,439,409 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gv4y/man_offers_to_do_anything_she_wants_for_20/ | self.jokes | null | A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome man enters.
He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him.
The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers,
"I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20. But only on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, "Clean my house!"
| Man Offers To Do Anything She Wants For $20 | 4 |
post | 30gul1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,438,901 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gul1/the_hippie_joke_thread_please_add_to_my_collection/ | self.jokes | null | Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
How do you starve a hippie?
Hide the drug money under the soap.
What did the Dead Head say when he ran out of weed?
Man, this music sucks.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?
The joint won't make it all the way around the circle.
What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common?
They both shower and change pads after 3 periods.
____________
So, I was driving to a Phish show, and I see this hippie on the side of the road walking with one shoe on. He looks like he has been walking for a very long time.
I call out to him - "Hey man, you lost a shoe!"
He responds - "Nah, man, I found a shoe!" | The Hippie Joke Thread. Please add to my collection. | 1 |
post | 30gud8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,438,705 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gud8/a_recent_survey_has_shown_that_50_of_all_newlyweds/ | self.jokes | null | A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex.
Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms. | A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds.. | 7 |
post | 30gu0o | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,438,383 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gu0o/how_does_moses_get_his_coffee/ | self.jokes | null | He buys it from Starbucks... | How does Moses get his coffee? | 1 |
post | 30gtkp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,438,032 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gtkp/the_king_finds_something_in_his_garden/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | The king finds something in his garden | 0 |
post | 30gtgn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,437,933 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gtgn/barbershop/ | self.jokes | null | A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." | Barbershop | 2 |
post | 30gsua | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,437,395 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gsua/said_to_a_cashier_the_other_day/ | self.jokes | null | So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"
I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs" | Said to a cashier the other day... | 30 |
post | 30gspg | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,437,287 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gspg/the_pope_and_the_queen_of_england_are_on_the_same/ | self.jokes | null | The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords. The crowd is huge -thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness, can't help but have a little rivalry, both being heads of churches and all.
The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice. They will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants."
The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slaps her. | The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage... | 33 |
post | 30gsl9 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,437,186 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gsl9/two_guys_both_lose_their_wives_in_a_grocery_store/ | self.jokes | null | Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours." | Two Guys Both Lose Their Wives In A Grocery Store | 139 |
post | 30gs2q | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,436,803 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gs2q/how_did_moses_make_get_his_coffee/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | How did Moses make get his coffee? | 1 |
post | 30grsv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,436,592 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30grsv/my_girlfriend_is_half_my_size_but_takes_up/ | self.jokes | null | My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed.
If my math is correct, she's a bitch. | My girlfriend is half my size but takes up... | 2 |
post | 30grpa | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,436,517 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30grpa/csections_are_like_the_digiorno_of_pregnancy/ | self.jokes | null | It isn't delivery, but it still tastes like one. | C-sections are like the Digiorno of pregnancy..... | 0 |
post | 30grgj | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,436,335 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30grgj/how_does_a_south_central_chicken_cross_the_road/ | self.jokes | null | ... In a bucket | How does a south central chicken cross the road? | 0 |
post | 30gqpl | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,435,780 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gqpl/nike_was_founded_by_men_so_its_tagline_is_just_do/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Nike was founded by men, so it's tagline is- "Just Do It." | 0 |
post | 30gq7l | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,435,419 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gq7l/why_did_the_chicken_kill_himself/ | self.jokes | null | To get to the other side | Why did the chicken kill himself | 0 |
post | 30gq5q | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,435,370 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gq5q/whats_the_definition_of_a_good_buddy_nsfw/ | self.jokes | null | A guy that goes into town and gets two blow jobs. Then comes back and gives you one. | What's the definition of a good buddy? [NSFW] | 2 |
post | 30gpmb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,434,956 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gpmb/why_are_dead_baby_jokes_the_best/ | self.jokes | null | Because they never get old. | Why are dead baby jokes the best? | 47 |
post | 30gpjp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,434,903 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gpjp/why_was_the_man_eating_pussy_at_a_chinese/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Why was the man eating pussy at a Chinese Restaurant? | 0 |
post | 30gp7h | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,434,663 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gp7h/ill_never_forget_what_my_grandfather_said_to_me/ | self.jokes | null | I'll never forget what my Grandfather said to me just before he died.
"Are you still holding the fucking ladder?" | I'll never forget what my Grandfather said to me just before he died.. | 53 |
post | 30gofx | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,434,095 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gofx/say_what_you_want_about_north_korea_but/ | self.jokes | null | something something /r/Pyongyang | Say what you want about North Korea, but... | 0 |
post | 30go97 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,433,952 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30go97/a_man_met_a_beautiful_lady/ | self.jokes | null | A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck reverse piked with a double twist. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal." | A man met a beautiful lady... | 267 |
post | 30go6s | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,433,913 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30go6s/so_i_bought_a_black_and_white_tank_that_changes/ | self.jokes | null | My coworker asked if it changed to blue and gold. | So I bought a black and white tank that changes color in the sun light... | 1 |
post | 30gn2v | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,433,103 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gn2v/what_do_you_call_people_who_teach_their_kids_to/ | self.jokes | null | Grandparents. | What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control? | 5 |
post | 30gmwo | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,432,965 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gmwo/i_was_walking_down_the_street/ | self.jokes | null | I was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife."
You should have seen how fast they both ran off. | I was walking down the street.. | 2 |
post | 30gmpb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,432,814 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gmpb/studies_have_shown_nsfw/ | self.jokes | null | 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape. | Studies have shown... (NSFW) | 1 |
post | 30gl20 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,431,661 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gl20/why_are_babies_the_hardest_to_cremate/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Why are babies the hardest to cremate? | 0 |
post | 30gky1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,431,581 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gky1/according_to_my_roommates_diary_i_have_boundary/ | self.jokes | https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gky1/according_to_my_roommates_diary_i_have_boundary/ | null | According to my roommate's diary, I have boundary issues. | 143 |
post | 30gk37 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,430,982 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gk37/hey_reddit_did_you_hear_one_of_the_members_left/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Hey Reddit did you hear one of the members left One Direction. | 0 |
post | 30gk28 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,430,965 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gk28/i_want_to_die_in_my_sleep_like_my_grandfather_not/ | self.jokes | https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gk28/i_want_to_die_in_my_sleep_like_my_grandfather_not/ | null | I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. ~ Will Shriner | 5 |
post | 30gj2m | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,430,307 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gj2m/they_say_the_most_notable_symptom_of_aids_is/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | They say the most notable symptom of AIDS is.. | 0 |
post | 30gio6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,430,027 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gio6/i_use_a_sword_to_argue_with_people/ | self.jokes | null | They usually get my point. | I use a sword to argue with people. | 3 |
post | 30gifo | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,429,857 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gifo/a_horny_sailor_comes_back_from_a_year_long/ | self.jokes | null | and after many lonely nights, he vows to himself that the first thing he will do once he hits land is to get laid. Sure enough, as the ship comes to port, he heads to the closest brothel.
Unfortunately, the last voyage was a miserable failure, and he returned with less money than he set off with!
The Madame of the brothel asks him, "What'll it be, boy?"
He shakes his head and says, "I have no coin to me name, but I have one coin and will take what ye have for that!"
The Madame bares a queer smile and to the sailor's delight, mentions that there is one whore for that price, and ushers him into the room. He sees the whore before the lights are extinguished, and is shocked! She is beautiful, and he is very excited.
They get to it. He becomes worried that maybe he himself is not up to par for this whore, as she is dry and barren and he cannot derive pleasure from this lovemaking experience!
"One moment, honey, I'll be right back," says the whore. She returns in a few minutes, and they get back to it. Lo and Behold! she is wet as can be and he finishes in a matter of minutes.
As they are cleaning up, he gets curious, and asks the whore, "At first I thought me too ugly for ye, but then ye left and came back and it was great! What did ye do?"
Without hesitation, the whore replies, "Oh, it was nothing. I simply picked the scabs." | A horny sailor comes back from a year long journey at sea... | 3 |
post | 30gi4v | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,429,659 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gi4v/at_30_years_old_i_am_proud_to_say_i_dont_curse/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | At 30 years old I am proud to say I don't curse, drink or smoke. | 3 |
post | 30ggxi | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,428,923 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ggxi/whats_the_difference_between_a_piano_a_tuna_fish/ | self.jokes | null | You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.
...
What about the pot of glue? I knew you'd get stuck. | What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? | 2 |
post | 30ggrk | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,428,827 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ggrk/what_do_you_call_a_detective_novel_about_eskimos/ | self.jokes | null | Whodinuit | What do you call a detective novel about eskimos? | 0 |
post | 30gga2 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,428,531 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gga2/laugh_jokes/ | self.jokes | null | I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P.
Now he down with No P.P.
"GEORGE WILLBORN . CAUGHT UP IN TROUBLE"
It was tough for me, got caught up:
cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town.
What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?
" JAMES HANNAH !SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T DO "
I think if you go to jail for something you didn't do, you should get credit towards another crime.
LAW SCHOOL FOR NUNS
What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
A sister-in-law.
SINGLED-CELLED LAWYER
What's the difference between a lawyer and an amoeba?
One wears a tie.
CORPORATE BOOTY CALL... MAIL SLOT
I may have dropped something; I need to feel around in your mail slot.
BLONDE'S STARTING SALARY
A boss tells a blonde applicant,
"I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So when would you like to start?" She replies, "In three months."
MICROSOFT AND A HALTER TOP
What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?
Both offer very little support!
BURRIED 10 FEET UNDER
Why are lawyers buried 10 feet underground?
Because deep down, they're really not that bad!
LAWYERS STINKIN' UP THE PLACE
Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can.
| Laugh jokes | 1 |
post | 30gg0p | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,428,382 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gg0p/do_you_guys_like_civil_war_jokes/ | self.jokes | null | Because General Lee I don't find them funny. | Do you guys like Civil War jokes? | 95 |
post | 30ger4 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,427,674 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ger4/want_to_here_a_word_i_just_made_up/ | self.jokes | null | Plagiarism. | Want to here a word I just made up? | 13 |
post | 30gebd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,427,403 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gebd/kneecap/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Kneecap | 2 |
post | 30ge7w | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,427,348 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ge7w/a_horse_walks_into_a_church/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | A horse walks into a church... | 27 |
post | 30gdf4 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,426,929 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gdf4/womens_rights/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | womens rights | 0 |
post | 30gd2j | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,426,753 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gd2j/menopause_isnt_funny/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Menopause isn't funny | 1 |
post | 30gc16 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,426,191 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gc16/bill_gates_gets_duped/ | self.jokes | null | Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.
Bill chooses Hell.
About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.
Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"
St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver." | Bill gates gets duped | 2 |
post | 30gb1h | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,425,673 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gb1h/games_of_thrones_has_more_than_a/ | self.jokes | null | Incest, Redneck wedding
Fill in the blanks with your best joke! | Games of thrones has more __ than a __ | 2 |
post | 30gaqd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,425,518 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gaqd/my_boyfriend_and_i_are_so_close_we_are_like_itunes/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My boyfriend and I are so close we are like iTunes | 0 |
post | 30gadp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,425,335 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gadp/hold_that_ugly_baby/ | self.jokes | null | A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' | Hold that ugly baby | 88 |
post | 30gacd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,425,315 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30gacd/an_older_prison_inmate_sees_a_new_inmate_on_his/ | self.jokes | null | The older prisoner sees the new guy is very upset so he decides to cheer him up.
Older: You know it's not so bad in prison. For instance do you like movies?
Younger: Yeah, I like movies.
Older: Then your gonna love Mondays. Every Monday they show old classic movies. They even have popcorn. Do you like Baseball?
Younger: Yeah I LOVE baseball.
Older: Then your gonna love Tuesdays. Every Tuesday we play baseball out in the yard. The guards against the prisoners.
Younger: Wow, maybe prison isn't so bad.
Older: One more question. Are you a homosexual?
Younger: No, I am not.
Older: Then you're gonna hate Wednesdays!
| An older prison inmate sees a new inmate on his first day in prison | 3 |
post | 30g85w | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,424,149 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g85w/how_did_the_farmer_find_his_wife/ | self.jokes | null | He tractor down. | How did the farmer find his wife? | 58 |
post | 30g7tw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,423,973 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g7tw/fuck_homosexuals/ | self.jokes | null | ...in the ass, only if both of the people involved agree to do it consciously and consensually | fuck homosexuals... | 0 |
post | 30g7mm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,423,867 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g7mm/want_to_hear_a_joke_about_nitric_oxide/ | self.jokes | null | NO | Want to hear a joke about nitric oxide? | 22 |
post | 30g6z8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,423,541 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g6z8/a_wife_texted_her_husband/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | A wife texted her husband | 276 |
post | 30g6ys | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,423,536 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g6ys/liquid_ass_prank_in_aunts_room/ | self.jokes | https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g6ys/liquid_ass_prank_in_aunts_room/ | null | Liquid ASS Prank In Aunts Room | 0 |
post | 30g606 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,423,023 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g606/new_girlfriend_28/ | self.jokes | null | (*pensively*):
Hmmm, I guess things are really getting serious between me and my girlfriend, uh, Jenny, because I just added the song "Jenny Was a Friend of mine" to my favourites playlist.
(*lightheartedly*):
I mean, I don't even particularly like that song.
[**Laugh here**] | New Girlfriend (28) | 0 |
post | 30g4i7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,422,271 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g4i7/whats_someone_with_parkinsons_favorite_way_of/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What's someone with Parkinson's favorite way of complimenting people? | 2 |
post | 30g49l | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,422,149 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g49l/what_do_you_call_a_dinosaur_in_a_car_accident/ | self.jokes | null | A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
EDIT: Spelled "Tyrannosaurus" incorrectly. | What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident? | 1 |
post | 30g42l | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,422,048 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g42l/what_do_fat_girls_and_scooters_have_in_common/ | self.jokes | null | They're both fun to ride.....until your friends see you. | What do fat girls and scooters have in common? | 0 |
post | 30g3u4 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,421,936 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g3u4/jamaican_jihad/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Jamaican Jihad | 1 |
post | 30g3dv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,421,708 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g3dv/the_local_pedophile_claims_he_got_a_perfect_score/ | self.jokes | null | Said it was as easy as giving candy to a baby. | The local pedophile claims he got a perfect score on his SAT back in the day. | 0 |
post | 30g383 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,421,622 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g383/my_girlfriend_tells_me_to_come_over_nobodies_home/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My girlfriend tells me to come over, nobodies home... | 0 |
post | 30g27w | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,421,116 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g27w/why_was_kleenex_dancing/ | self.jokes | null | It had a little boogie in it. | Why was kleenex dancing? | 3 |
post | 30g12d | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,514 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g12d/jesus_throws_as_costume_party/ | self.jokes | null | Jesus throws a costume party to encourage new friends and dresses up as snake thinking it would be a funny icebreaker. Judas, dressed as a sheep, invites one of his random friends to the party who has never drank a day in his life. The new guy, dressed as a wolf, who is a loyal man and a little nervous to get the invite, asks Jesus if he has any wine to calm his nerves as he has never experienced it's soothing effects. Jesus, tossing his prop apple in the air, replies, "I have a lifetime supply of water that's probably best for you." The new guy clearly disappointed and nearly muted with nervousness manages to mutter, "No wine? I was hoping there would be something to calm my nerves." Jesus unjustly angered, quickly turns the water into wine and the new guy is gleefully amused but now even more nervous to impress everyone. Then Jesus replies, "I invested so much stock in water and never even realized people got nervous around me and my friends." The new guy drinks his liquid courage and they become fast friends. Finally, Jesus gets worried the man is getting too drunk from having no prior reality of its effects and hands him the apple to eat. | Jesus throws as costume party.... | 0 |
post | 30g0zl | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,476 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g0zl/whats_justin_biebers_favorite_make_of_car/ | self.jokes | null | Voltz-swaggin.
I thought of this myself and I am so, so sorry. | What's Justin Bieber's favorite make of car? | 1 |
post | 30g0yv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,460 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g0yv/what_did_the_goat_say_to_his_friend_after_he_cut/ | self.jokes | null | I'm bleating all over the place! | What did the goat say to his friend after he cut his arm? | 1 |
post | 30g0so | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,373 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g0so/i_recently_found_out_that_im_colorblind/ | self.jokes | null | It came out of the purple. | I recently found out that I'm colorblind... | 643 |
post | 30g0b1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,114 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g0b1/one_time_i_shot_a_gun/ | self.jokes | null | And the gun died! | One time I shot a gun... | 1 |
post | 30g095 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,088 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g095/white_noise_machine/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | "White Noise Machine" | 0 |
post | 30g08f | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,076 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g08f/why_do_the_ghosts_never_win_races/ | self.jokes | null | Because they're always dead tired.
I stole this from http://imgur.com/bnb3MFL
plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before. | Why do the ghosts never win races? | 4 |
post | 30g08b | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,420,074 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30g08b/why_did_the_piece_of_gum_cross_the_road/ | self.jokes | null | It was stuck to the chicken. | Why did the piece of gum cross the road? | 2 |
post | 30fzma | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,419,766 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fzma/what_do_asparagus_and_anal_sex_have_in_common/ | self.jokes | null | The more it's forced on you as a child, the more you dislike it as an adult. | What do asparagus and anal sex have in common? | 15 |
post | 30fza9 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,419,607 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fza9/redimi2_bonita_video_letralyrics/ | self.jokes | null | hola | Redimi2 - Bonita - Video Letra/Lyrics | 2 |
post | 30fxpa | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,418,823 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fxpa/what_do_you_call_a_black_guy_who_plays_the_piano/ | self.jokes | null | a pianist | What do you call a black guy who plays the piano? | 1 |
post | 30fxb7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,418,612 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fxb7/my_girlfriend_said_i_was_a_pedophile/ | self.jokes | null | I told her "that's an awful big word for a 9 year old". | My girlfriend said I was a pedophile.... | 3 |
post | 30fx3a | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,418,495 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fx3a/why_were_the_absurdly_dressed_chickens_escorted/ | self.jokes | null | Because two flagrant fouls is an automatic ejection. | Why were the absurdly dressed chickens escorted from the basketball game? | 4 |
post | 30fwx6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,418,402 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fwx6/what_do_you_give_a_sick_bird/ | self.jokes | null | A tweetment | What do you give a sick bird? | 21 |
post | 30fvyv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,417,923 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fvyv/confucius_says/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Confucius says... | 0 |
post | 30fvmm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,417,745 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fvmm/what_do_you_call_someone_who_likes_to_rap_about/ | self.jokes | null | NaCl-more. | What do you call someone who likes to rap about salt? | 0 |
post | 30fvl2 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,417,723 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fvl2/be_nice_to_kids/ | self.jokes | null | Seriously, they have guns now.
| Be nice to kids. | 2 |
post | 30fvgy | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,417,669 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fvgy/the_dyslexic_satanist/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | The dyslexic satanist | 1 |
post | 30furt | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,417,316 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30furt/womens_rights/ | self.jokes | https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30furt/womens_rights/ | null | women's rights | 0 |
post | 30fu60 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,417,035 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fu60/science_joke/ | self.jokes | null | What is the difference between a prisoner plotting revenge in his cell, a scientist doing physics simulation and a prostitute in famous casino?
Count of Monte Cristo, Count for Monte Carlo and Cunt of Monte Carlo | Science joke | 1 |
post | 30fu10 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,416,960 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fu10/your_dog_may_be_smarter_than_an_honor_student/ | self.jokes | null | but when was the last time you saw a mother carrying a plastic bag in case her honor student shits in the neighbor's yard? | Your dog may be smarter than an honor student... | 0 |
post | 30ftvm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,416,886 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ftvm/what_do_you_call_a_homosexual_on_roller_skates/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What do you call a homosexual on roller skates? | 1 |
post | 30ftjp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,416,712 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ftjp/joke_request_an_actress_a_lesbian_and_a_blonde/ | self.jokes | null | Request for a a joke with that beginning. Any help is appreciated! Please and thank you! :) | [Joke Request] An actress, a lesbian, and a blonde walk into a bar... | 1 |
post | 30ftfk | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,416,649 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ftfk/which_detective_investigates_electrical_crimes/ | self.jokes | null | Sherlock Ohms
That's why his partner is called Wattson... | Which detective investigates electrical crimes? | 8 |
post | 30ft5p | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,416,508 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ft5p/why_are_vegetarians_good_in_giving_head/ | self.jokes | null | Because they are used to eating nuts! | Why are vegetarians good in giving head? | 1 |
post | 30fq6b | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,415,109 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fq6b/wanna_translate_one_of_my_favorite_russian_joke/ | self.jokes | null | The teacher gave a task for the class: "there is 5 birds on a tree branch. A hunter shoot one of them. How many birds left?". Vova raised his hand: "zero", he said, "cause the rest of them are flew away". Teacher answers: "no, the answer is 4. But I like the way you thinking". Then Vova replied: "here is another one: three woman walking on the street while eating an ice cream. One of them is biting it, second is licking, and the third both biting and licking. Which woman is married?" Teacher said: "the one that licking and biting?". Vova answered: "no, the one, that have a ring on her finger. But I like the way you thinking". | Wanna translate one of my favorite Russian joke | 0 |
post | 30fq2a | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,415,053 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fq2a/what_is_the_stupidest_animal_in_the_jungle/ | self.jokes | null | The Polar Bear. | What is the stupidest animal in the jungle? | 12 |
post | 30fpql | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,890 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fpql/isis_has_hidden_bombs_inside_alphabet_spaghettios/ | self.jokes | null | If they go off they could spell disaster. | Isis has hidden bombs inside alphabet spaghettios. | 7 |
post | 30fpfe | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,748 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fpfe/my_girlfriends_family_are_quite_strict_i_remember/ | self.jokes | null | Which is a shame, because he's very attractive. | My girlfriend's family are quite strict. I remember the first time I went to stay with her at her parent's house, and her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. | 92 |
post | 30fp4i | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,594 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fp4i/did_u_guys_hear_about_the_conflict_in_the_middle/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | did u guys hear about the conflict in the middle east? | 2 |
post | 30fp3w | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,588 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fp3w/so_i_lost_my_watch_at_a_party_last_night/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | So I lost my watch at a party last night... | 0 |
post | 30fp31 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,577 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fp31/why_was_the_hipster_so_successful_in_the_stock/ | self.jokes | null | He invested before it was cool. | Why was the hipster so successful in the stock market? | 0 |
post | 30fopg | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,417 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fopg/i_was_looking_at_the_menu_in_a_restaurant/ | self.jokes | null | Then it hit me | I was looking at the menu in a restaurant wondering what the "Jeremy Clarkson Special" was | 3 |
post | 30foia | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,303 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30foia/i_tried_to_disrupt_my_bio_teacher_today_and_asked/ | self.jokes | null | She said stop | I tried to disrupt my bio teacher today and asked her what her favorite codon was | 3 |
post | 30fo3s | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,414,108 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fo3s/why_did_the_chicken_cross_the_road/ | self.jokes | null | to get to the other side | Why did the chicken cross the road? | 0 |
post | 30fnoc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,413,908 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fnoc/what_is_the_opposite_of_progress/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What is the opposite of progress? | 0 |