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57059449a9eb92e0426472a9 | What can I do when I feel like I'm not using my potential? | I am in my mid 30s. I feel I have used only 5% of my potential. I am in film making, but everything is stuck. I've never had a serious relationship. I had worthless jobs. I do a lot of meditation to try to fix it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-when-i-feel-like-i-m-not-using-my-potential | Self-esteem,Behavioral Change | Genevieve Rideout | https://counselchat.com/therapists/genevieve-rideout | <p>Being stuck in life is difficult, especially when you are feeling it in many different areas of your life. So you if you are ready for a change... time to make one! Make a list of the resources in your area--community colleges, friends, free classes, volunteer opportunities etc. Make a list of your passions and absolute "no way" things in life. Make a 5 year plan... where do you want to be in 5 years... then start breaking it down ... what do I need to do this year to make it to next year. Break that down into months... check in with friends/families/co workers etc to see what they see in you both good and bad. Take a deep breath and choose 1 thing to work on to get better in life according to them. Seek out any free training/counseling on career changes and life changes. You already began this by asking this forum for help Awesome! Use the peace and calm you find in meditation to spring board you to make some changes in your behavior--try new things, change poor choices etc. Use the meditation to give you peace while you make the changes. Good Luck!<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do when I feel like I'm not using my potential? <</SYS>> I am in my mid 30s. I feel I have used only 5% of my potential. I am in film making, but everything is stuck. I've never had a serious relationship. I had worthless jobs. I do a lot of meditation to try to fix it. [/INST] <p>Being stuck in life is difficult, especially when you are feeling it in many different areas of your life. So you if you are ready for a change... time to make one! Make a list of the resources in your area--community colleges, friends, free classes, volunteer opportunities etc. Make a list of your passions and absolute "no way" things in life. Make a 5 year plan... where do you want to be in 5 years... then start breaking it down ... what do I need to do this year to make it to next year. Break that down into months... check in with friends/families/co workers etc to see what they see in you both good and bad. Take a deep breath and choose 1 thing to work on to get better in life according to them. Seek out any free training/counseling on career changes and life changes. You already began this by asking this forum for help Awesome! Use the peace and calm you find in meditation to spring board you to make some changes in your behavior--try new things, change poor choices etc. Use the meditation to give you peace while you make the changes. Good Luck!<br></p> </s> |
572b82a0aaeea25a1918b4ae | Do feelings of depersonalization go away? | I've felt this way for two years. I feel so much better now then I did when it started, but it is still there in the back of my mind at all times. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-feelings-of-depersonalization-go-away | Behavioral Change | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Best answer that I can give to you is that some level of de-personalization is quite normal for everyone, it will come and go throughout life, kind of like being on a roller-coaster, <span style="font-weight: bold;">"here it is, then it's gone not to return for quite some time", </span>like many things, the more that you fixate on it, the more stress it will cause you, consider it part of life, accept it, and move on, now if your having many, many ,many of these episodes or have some auditory or visual hallucination or disturbances or emotional unbalancing that accompany it than that is definitely something to look at, but for the most part nothing to worry about. <br></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do feelings of depersonalization go away? <</SYS>> I've felt this way for two years. I feel so much better now then I did when it started, but it is still there in the back of my mind at all times. [/INST] <p>Best answer that I can give to you is that some level of de-personalization is quite normal for everyone, it will come and go throughout life, kind of like being on a roller-coaster, <span style="font-weight: bold;">"here it is, then it's gone not to return for quite some time", </span>like many things, the more that you fixate on it, the more stress it will cause you, consider it part of life, accept it, and move on, now if your having many, many ,many of these episodes or have some auditory or visual hallucination or disturbances or emotional unbalancing that accompany it than that is definitely something to look at, but for the most part nothing to worry about. <br></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p> </s> |
56a7da0b90043ec136db8b58 | I'm a mess physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. | I'm in my late 50s. I never loved or have been loved. I need deeper help than is offered in my small town, but I cannot leave this town because of agoraphobia. I find myself losing hope more and more. My brain barely works anymore, and my memory so small, I forget in a moment. I serve no purpose. I'm incapable of work or anything of value, and I never have been. I’m a complete waste of time and resources, and yet I keep trying. Why? Why does God insist that I continue to exist? I’m not suicidal, just tired. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-a-mess-physically-mentally-emotionally-and-spiritually | Self-esteem,Depression,Anxiety | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Oak Harbor,</p><p>My heart goes out to you. Sometimes when I'm working with a client who experiences depression or anxiety, I ask them for a glimpse into their worst moments in their minds. "What are the worst thoughts that run through your head?". Often they struggle, perhaps out of shame; maybe they don't want me to know their worst thoughts. But I can help them better if I do know, because then we have a place to work from. You are feeling hopeless and worthless, and your thoughts support these intense emotions. </p><p>I don't know you, but I strongly believe that you have someone in your life who, if they heard your thoughts, would say "That's not true. I know where her value is." I believe that there are people who would see your value clearly, even if in small things. Can you imagine those voices?</p><p>You mentioned God, so let's invite God into the conversation. What might God say to you? What evidence might God...who sees all..have of your worth? What hint might God give you about your purpose? </p><p>You suffer from severe anxiety, and the agoraphobia works together with fear; they're a tag team. Fear tells you perhaps that people will reject you (or something equally bad), and then agoraphobia steps in and traps you and uses as evidence the fact that no one seems to be reaching out to you to convince you that you have no worth. Do you see their plan? Make her scared... keep her here alone...convince her it's hopeless. They both try to convince you that they are your only friends, except they're lying to you. They only want power over you.</p><p>You forget your worth. You forget that we all have worth. No one is a waste. I believe all God's creatures have worth, and that we're here to use our gifts to improve the world, and to remind each other of our value. There are people out there needing your support as much as you need theirs. Can you find them? My guess is you've been alone and isolated for a very long time and it's impossible for you to see your worth in this situation. We need mirrors to see our worth and other people are our mirrors. We see our value in their eyes. </p><p>Do you remember the first time you questioned your worth? What was happening that you blamed yourself for? Can you speak to that child and tell her (or him) that whatever's happening isn't her fault? It's that child who cannot see her own worth, probably because someone treated her as though she had none. That's only a story though; not the truth. Can you find another thread of a story? Who might tell a story of your worth?</p><p>Oak Harbor, I believe that there is help closer than you think. Fear wants you to believe it's hopeless. You reached out here...can you reach out again? Start with just one person, and that will lead you to somewhere. We don't know where that somewhere is but could it be better than sitting alone? You've stopped living. You can choose any moment to start. </p><p>I wish you peace and hope. :)</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm a mess physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. <</SYS>> I'm in my late 50s. I never loved or have been loved. I need deeper help than is offered in my small town, but I cannot leave this town because of agoraphobia. I find myself losing hope more and more. My brain barely works anymore, and my memory so small, I forget in a moment. I serve no purpose. I'm incapable of work or anything of value, and I never have been. I’m a complete waste of time and resources, and yet I keep trying. Why? Why does God insist that I continue to exist? I’m not suicidal, just tired. [/INST] <p>Hi Oak Harbor,</p><p>My heart goes out to you. Sometimes when I'm working with a client who experiences depression or anxiety, I ask them for a glimpse into their worst moments in their minds. "What are the worst thoughts that run through your head?". Often they struggle, perhaps out of shame; maybe they don't want me to know their worst thoughts. But I can help them better if I do know, because then we have a place to work from. You are feeling hopeless and worthless, and your thoughts support these intense emotions. </p><p>I don't know you, but I strongly believe that you have someone in your life who, if they heard your thoughts, would say "That's not true. I know where her value is." I believe that there are people who would see your value clearly, even if in small things. Can you imagine those voices?</p><p>You mentioned God, so let's invite God into the conversation. What might God say to you? What evidence might God...who sees all..have of your worth? What hint might God give you about your purpose? </p><p>You suffer from severe anxiety, and the agoraphobia works together with fear; they're a tag team. Fear tells you perhaps that people will reject you (or something equally bad), and then agoraphobia steps in and traps you and uses as evidence the fact that no one seems to be reaching out to you to convince you that you have no worth. Do you see their plan? Make her scared... keep her here alone...convince her it's hopeless. They both try to convince you that they are your only friends, except they're lying to you. They only want power over you.</p><p>You forget your worth. You forget that we all have worth. No one is a waste. I believe all God's creatures have worth, and that we're here to use our gifts to improve the world, and to remind each other of our value. There are people out there needing your support as much as you need theirs. Can you find them? My guess is you've been alone and isolated for a very long time and it's impossible for you to see your worth in this situation. We need mirrors to see our worth and other people are our mirrors. We see our value in their eyes. </p><p>Do you remember the first time you questioned your worth? What was happening that you blamed yourself for? Can you speak to that child and tell her (or him) that whatever's happening isn't her fault? It's that child who cannot see her own worth, probably because someone treated her as though she had none. That's only a story though; not the truth. Can you find another thread of a story? Who might tell a story of your worth?</p><p>Oak Harbor, I believe that there is help closer than you think. Fear wants you to believe it's hopeless. You reached out here...can you reach out again? Start with just one person, and that will lead you to somewhere. We don't know where that somewhere is but could it be better than sitting alone? You've stopped living. You can choose any moment to start. </p><p>I wish you peace and hope. :)</p><p><br></p> </s> |
5764a5c4ca5745ed07aa14ce | My friend had lied about every aspect of her life—what do I do? | She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friend-had-lied-about-every-aspect-of-her-life-what-do-i-do | Social Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p><span style="line-height: 20px;">To be honest, I think more information would be really important here because what you are asking could have a lot of different meanings. Consider making an appointment with a local therapist to discuss what you are going through.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My friend had lied about every aspect of her life—what do I do? <</SYS>> She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives. [/INST] <p><span style="line-height: 20px;">To be honest, I think more information would be really important here because what you are asking could have a lot of different meanings. Consider making an appointment with a local therapist to discuss what you are going through.</span></p> </s> |
57315167aaeea25a1918b5f0 | I think my daughter is stressing too much. | When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-daughter-is-stressing-too-much | Stress,Parenting | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Its hard to answer this question based on the information presented but I shall give it a go, Is it possible that your daughter is <span style="font-weight: bold;">afraid of failing</span>, I've seen many children and kids who get stressed out over grades or performance in sports, can you tell me "what was <span style="font-weight: bold;">your </span>grade in fourth grade English? Or what was the score of the 7th game <span style="font-weight: bold;">you </span>played in football when you were a junior? Much of what happens to us is insignificant and we worry over things which really , in the long term don't matter much to us. But ask yourself this question, Is your daughters reaction to what is going grossly out of proportion with what would normally be expected, if the answer is yes, a visit to a psychotherapist might not be a bad idea to learn some coping skills and to alter our reaction to life.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I think my daughter is stressing too much. <</SYS>> When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. [/INST] <p>Its hard to answer this question based on the information presented but I shall give it a go, Is it possible that your daughter is <span style="font-weight: bold;">afraid of failing</span>, I've seen many children and kids who get stressed out over grades or performance in sports, can you tell me "what was <span style="font-weight: bold;">your </span>grade in fourth grade English? Or what was the score of the 7th game <span style="font-weight: bold;">you </span>played in football when you were a junior? Much of what happens to us is insignificant and we worry over things which really , in the long term don't matter much to us. But ask yourself this question, Is your daughters reaction to what is going grossly out of proportion with what would normally be expected, if the answer is yes, a visit to a psychotherapist might not be a bad idea to learn some coping skills and to alter our reaction to life.<br></p> </s> |
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca | What happens in a counseling session? | After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session | Counseling Fundamentals | David Routt | https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt | <p>After meeting a client, many Counselors will ask you lots of questions in order to complete a thorough assessment of what you came to counseling for. This assessment is required by most insurances and allows the Counselor to give a diagnosis, which is also required by most insurances in order for them to pay the Counselor. If you are paying out of pocket, this diagnosis is not really required for payment, but many Counselors will still perform a comprehensive assessment because we really want to know what the issues are that brought you to us. The better we understand what it is that bothers you, what you would like to get out of the counseling, and all the various things that tend to affect people such as family upbringing and medical issues, the easier it is for us to help you reach those goals. How the counseling actually plays out from there depends a lot on the theory that the Counselor uses to direct their approach to counseling, and that information is too much for this little post.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What happens in a counseling session? <</SYS>> After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? [/INST] <p>After meeting a client, many Counselors will ask you lots of questions in order to complete a thorough assessment of what you came to counseling for. This assessment is required by most insurances and allows the Counselor to give a diagnosis, which is also required by most insurances in order for them to pay the Counselor. If you are paying out of pocket, this diagnosis is not really required for payment, but many Counselors will still perform a comprehensive assessment because we really want to know what the issues are that brought you to us. The better we understand what it is that bothers you, what you would like to get out of the counseling, and all the various things that tend to affect people such as family upbringing and medical issues, the easier it is for us to help you reach those goals. How the counseling actually plays out from there depends a lot on the theory that the Counselor uses to direct their approach to counseling, and that information is too much for this little post.</p> </s> |
5756ea7bc792dd6c7063e723 | I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. | I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-soon-to-be-married-and-i-ve-been-messing-around-with-others | Relationships,Intimacy,LGBTQ | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> It took a lot of courage to share what must be so shameful to you and to ask for help. Regardless of your sexual attraction/orientation, I'd encourage you to get honest with yourself and your partner/fiancee and put a temporary hold on your wedding plans -- <span style="font-style: italic;">getting married will NOT resolve your acting out</span>. It seems to me you need more space, time to sort through with an experienced therapist more of your sex/sexuality story-line and apparent anxiety surrounding the upcoming nuptials. In the immediate I encourage you to also take the initiative to have yourself tested for STDs, etc. and if you've been sexually intimate with your partner/fiancee s/he needs to be similarly tested. Best wishes.</p><p>Resources for Your Consideration: 1) The book "Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men" by Jane Ward, 2) http://www.sca-recovery.org/, 3) https://slaafws.org/</p><h1 id="title" class="a-size-large a-spacing-none" style="padding: 0px; margin-top: 0px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility; color: rgb(17, 17, 17); margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 21px !important; line-height: 1.3 !important;"><br></h1> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. <</SYS>> I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p> It took a lot of courage to share what must be so shameful to you and to ask for help. Regardless of your sexual attraction/orientation, I'd encourage you to get honest with yourself and your partner/fiancee and put a temporary hold on your wedding plans -- <span style="font-style: italic;">getting married will NOT resolve your acting out</span>. It seems to me you need more space, time to sort through with an experienced therapist more of your sex/sexuality story-line and apparent anxiety surrounding the upcoming nuptials. In the immediate I encourage you to also take the initiative to have yourself tested for STDs, etc. and if you've been sexually intimate with your partner/fiancee s/he needs to be similarly tested. Best wishes.</p><p>Resources for Your Consideration: 1) The book "Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men" by Jane Ward, 2) http://www.sca-recovery.org/, 3) https://slaafws.org/</p><h1 id="title" class="a-size-large a-spacing-none" style="padding: 0px; margin-top: 0px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility; color: rgb(17, 17, 17); margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 21px !important; line-height: 1.3 !important;"><br></h1> </s> |
564944f25e8030c4305b30fe | How can I stop feeling sad at my mother's passing over a year ago? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-feeling-sad-at-my-mother-s-passing-over-a-year-ago | Depression,Grief and Loss | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry for your mother's passing on.</p><p>Feeling sad to lose someone who mattered very much to you, is normal. Even crying on occasions you recall specific times with her, or on holidays and birthdays, is normal. </p><p>I'm glad you're aware of your feelings.<br></p><p>The only reason to be concerned about your sadness regarding your mother's passing, is if you are so sad that the sadness stops you from doing other activities in your life.</p><p>If you are able to feel, sad, recall both good and not so good memories about your mom, the times you had with her and life lessons you learned through her, and carry on with your usual activities, then feel free to know you are someone who is aware of their feelings.</p><p>If you're staying in bed most of the day, eating and sleeping poorly, not going to work or taking care of your house and household, because your sad feelings are flooding your life, then consider a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist who can help you grow stronger within yourself while finding a place in your heart for memories of mom.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I stop feeling sad at my mother's passing over a year ago? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I'm sorry for your mother's passing on.</p><p>Feeling sad to lose someone who mattered very much to you, is normal. Even crying on occasions you recall specific times with her, or on holidays and birthdays, is normal. </p><p>I'm glad you're aware of your feelings.<br></p><p>The only reason to be concerned about your sadness regarding your mother's passing, is if you are so sad that the sadness stops you from doing other activities in your life.</p><p>If you are able to feel, sad, recall both good and not so good memories about your mom, the times you had with her and life lessons you learned through her, and carry on with your usual activities, then feel free to know you are someone who is aware of their feelings.</p><p>If you're staying in bed most of the day, eating and sleeping poorly, not going to work or taking care of your house and household, because your sad feelings are flooding your life, then consider a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist who can help you grow stronger within yourself while finding a place in your heart for memories of mom.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
5705a5d8a9eb92e0426472bb | Is it normal for my mom to get mad easily? | It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-my-mom-to-get-mad-easily | Family Conflict | Genevieve Rideout | https://counselchat.com/therapists/genevieve-rideout | <p>Anger is a normal emotion, and yet it is a really hard one... how much is too much? and how do you express it without damaging those around you? yes mom's get angry, sometimes too easy... but its their responsibility to manage their anger-- get their own support and put themselves in time outs when they cannot handle it well. Since you are the kids, you shouldn't have to fix or calm down mom's anger. Maybe in a calmer time when you guys are being silly talk with her one on one? Tell her you are feeling sad and hurt that she gets upset at you girls. Ask her if there is 1 thing you can work on this next month to help her. Ask her if she would work on 1 thing for you this month-- not yelling? taking a time out? telling you before she blows her top so you can exit the room? Also for you, check out a library book on anger so you know how to handle yours, and one on parents and anger. Number one to remember, if you don't feel safe, if she is calling you names, or hurting you, breaking things etc. make sure you go to a trusted adult--school counselor, neighbor, aunt, church friend as soon as possible. You are much too important to be hurt and if mom is out of control, someone else needs to be --caring for you.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal for my mom to get mad easily? <</SYS>> It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first. [/INST] <p>Anger is a normal emotion, and yet it is a really hard one... how much is too much? and how do you express it without damaging those around you? yes mom's get angry, sometimes too easy... but its their responsibility to manage their anger-- get their own support and put themselves in time outs when they cannot handle it well. Since you are the kids, you shouldn't have to fix or calm down mom's anger. Maybe in a calmer time when you guys are being silly talk with her one on one? Tell her you are feeling sad and hurt that she gets upset at you girls. Ask her if there is 1 thing you can work on this next month to help her. Ask her if she would work on 1 thing for you this month-- not yelling? taking a time out? telling you before she blows her top so you can exit the room? Also for you, check out a library book on anger so you know how to handle yours, and one on parents and anger. Number one to remember, if you don't feel safe, if she is calling you names, or hurting you, breaking things etc. make sure you go to a trusted adult--school counselor, neighbor, aunt, church friend as soon as possible. You are much too important to be hurt and if mom is out of control, someone else needs to be --caring for you.<br></p> </s> |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit older and have likely not dealt with some of the struggles that you face. </p><p>I would suggest communicating your feelings to them about not being heard. Talk to them during a non-emotional moment when the discussion is not already heated. In other words, do not wait until an argument ensues to have an open discussion with them about how you are feeling. Prepare them by asking them what time is good for them to talk. Let them know you have something important to get off your chest. Try and avoid using exaggerated or extreme language such as "you NEVER listen," "you ALWAYS say..." and stray away from placing blame. Instead of beginning your statements with "you" try using "I" by letting them know how their behavior effects you. Finally, let them know that they are important to you and that having their trust and support would mean a lot to you. Perhaps giving them suggestions as to what you wish for and would like to see change would help them to better understand.</p><p>I would also suggest that you seek guidance from a therapist, teacher, or school counselor if possible. Most schools have counseling resources on sight in which a trained professional is available to talk with students looking for help.</p><p>Best of luck to you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get people to listen? <</SYS>> I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. [/INST] <p>One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit older and have likely not dealt with some of the struggles that you face. </p><p>I would suggest communicating your feelings to them about not being heard. Talk to them during a non-emotional moment when the discussion is not already heated. In other words, do not wait until an argument ensues to have an open discussion with them about how you are feeling. Prepare them by asking them what time is good for them to talk. Let them know you have something important to get off your chest. Try and avoid using exaggerated or extreme language such as "you NEVER listen," "you ALWAYS say..." and stray away from placing blame. Instead of beginning your statements with "you" try using "I" by letting them know how their behavior effects you. Finally, let them know that they are important to you and that having their trust and support would mean a lot to you. Perhaps giving them suggestions as to what you wish for and would like to see change would help them to better understand.</p><p>I would also suggest that you seek guidance from a therapist, teacher, or school counselor if possible. Most schools have counseling resources on sight in which a trained professional is available to talk with students looking for help.</p><p>Best of luck to you.</p> </s> |
55d4ffb4c3c0b0bb0dd6252f | I'm a 19 year old male with low self esteem. I've always been very closed off about my feelings and problems. | A few nights ago I talked to this girl I know about my self esteem issues for the first time. We talked for hours and she told me time and again that I was a great guy. She told me I was attractive, and have a great personality, etc. I really started to feel better about myself by the time I woke up the next morning.
Now, though, I can't stop thinking about her, but I leave to go back to college in a few days and I go to school 4 hours away from her. So now I feel constantly depressed because even if I told her how I felt it wouldn't matter. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-a-19-year-old-male-with-low-self-esteem-i-ve-always-been-very-closed-off-about-my-feelings-and-problems | Self-esteem,Relationships | Amy Fortney Parks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-fortney-parks | <p>Hey! It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings with someone! And it sounds like you have been lucky to meet someone who makes you feel safe enough to explore some of your more painful feelings. A big part of the process, however, of strengthening your self-concept is learning how to tell yourself those positive messages that you heard from your friend! Leaving for college may also be contributing to your feelings of unsteadiness. Try this - Make a list of all of the positive things that you know are true about yourself. Ask your friends and family to contribute to the list. Then carry it with you in your wallet - and when you need a self-esteem boost, take a look at it! You are in a season of life that presents lots of challenges and opportunities. Reach out to your long-distance friend when you need support - and take a walk over to the campus counseling center and check out what they might have to offer. Be Wise!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm a 19 year old male with low self esteem. I've always been very closed off about my feelings and problems. <</SYS>> A few nights ago I talked to this girl I know about my self esteem issues for the first time. We talked for hours and she told me time and again that I was a great guy. She told me I was attractive, and have a great personality, etc. I really started to feel better about myself by the time I woke up the next morning.
Now, though, I can't stop thinking about her, but I leave to go back to college in a few days and I go to school 4 hours away from her. So now I feel constantly depressed because even if I told her how I felt it wouldn't matter. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>Hey! It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings with someone! And it sounds like you have been lucky to meet someone who makes you feel safe enough to explore some of your more painful feelings. A big part of the process, however, of strengthening your self-concept is learning how to tell yourself those positive messages that you heard from your friend! Leaving for college may also be contributing to your feelings of unsteadiness. Try this - Make a list of all of the positive things that you know are true about yourself. Ask your friends and family to contribute to the list. Then carry it with you in your wallet - and when you need a self-esteem boost, take a look at it! You are in a season of life that presents lots of challenges and opportunities. Reach out to your long-distance friend when you need support - and take a walk over to the campus counseling center and check out what they might have to offer. Be Wise!</p> </s> |
57048fd1a9eb92e04264725e | How can I deal with my daughter's rebellious behavior? | She's a teenager, and for the last two years, she's lived with her older brother. She's angry because she wants to come live with me, but my current living situation is not the best for her. She refuses to see any reason. She's being disrespectful. Her sexual curiosity is waking up. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-daughter-s-rebellious-behavior | Parenting | Sarah McIntyre | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre | <p>You're her mom and she needs you. I would suggest focusing on connection. Since you are not currently living together, one way to do this would be to plan a date in which she gets to decide what you do together. Give her time to think about what she wants to do. As long as the activity is safe and affordable, try to do it, even if it's not your thing. While you are with her, turn off the phone and give her your undivided attention. The goal would be just for you to enjoy each other and connect. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I deal with my daughter's rebellious behavior? <</SYS>> She's a teenager, and for the last two years, she's lived with her older brother. She's angry because she wants to come live with me, but my current living situation is not the best for her. She refuses to see any reason. She's being disrespectful. Her sexual curiosity is waking up. [/INST] <p>You're her mom and she needs you. I would suggest focusing on connection. Since you are not currently living together, one way to do this would be to plan a date in which she gets to decide what you do together. Give her time to think about what she wants to do. As long as the activity is safe and affordable, try to do it, even if it's not your thing. While you are with her, turn off the phone and give her your undivided attention. The goal would be just for you to enjoy each other and connect. </p> </s> |
56d2f2aa9471b0b41ec68e4d | Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment? | My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-healthy-to-embarrass-a-child-as-punishment | Parenting,Family Conflict | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>Parents are to teach discipline to children, not punishment. Punishment is another word for wanting to cause hurt. There is a different in discipline and punishment. Punishment could have long term affects on a child's self image and growth. It can lead to others issues such as bullying from peers as well. Whatever your grandson has done, there is a much better way of getting him to understand that his actions are not acceptable. Punishment is not one them. Encourage the step-mother to build a positive relationship with him, this way he will learn to respect and trust her. His actions would improve. She may need to attend a parenting class for blended families. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment? <</SYS>> My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment. [/INST] <p>Parents are to teach discipline to children, not punishment. Punishment is another word for wanting to cause hurt. There is a different in discipline and punishment. Punishment could have long term affects on a child's self image and growth. It can lead to others issues such as bullying from peers as well. Whatever your grandson has done, there is a much better way of getting him to understand that his actions are not acceptable. Punishment is not one them. Encourage the step-mother to build a positive relationship with him, this way he will learn to respect and trust her. His actions would improve. She may need to attend a parenting class for blended families. <br></p> </s> |
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca | What happens in a counseling session? | After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session | Counseling Fundamentals | Allison Velez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez | <p>Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here. For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have. </p><p>Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go. My first question is usually, "How do you feel I can best help you today?" Some people are very at ease and tell me many details. Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity. </p><p>Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over. Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things. I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions. For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious. </p><p>Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person. I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them. </p><p>I hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What happens in a counseling session? <</SYS>> After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? [/INST] <p>Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here. For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have. </p><p>Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go. My first question is usually, "How do you feel I can best help you today?" Some people are very at ease and tell me many details. Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity. </p><p>Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over. Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things. I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions. For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious. </p><p>Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person. I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them. </p><p>I hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Therapy does not work overnight, oftentimes it is a lifelong struggle, the therapists job is not to "cure" you or to remove something but rather to make you strong enough to live your life with your own peculiarities and struggles, remember we are human and constantly fallible. Another important thing to note is that although you go to therapy, that is just a room, most of the magic and work takes place in your real life outside of that room.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Therapy does not work overnight, oftentimes it is a lifelong struggle, the therapists job is not to "cure" you or to remove something but rather to make you strong enough to live your life with your own peculiarities and struggles, remember we are human and constantly fallible. Another important thing to note is that although you go to therapy, that is just a room, most of the magic and work takes place in your real life outside of that room.<br></p> </s> |
569f0f57de405677109cb627 | Why do I think about death? | I noticed lately that I've been thinking a lot about death. I don't want to die, and I'm not suicidal. I just think about what would happen if I died or if someone I loved died. I imagine how sad everyone I know would be. I know it isn't worth it, and I definitely want to live and have a future. I just think about it. When I'm driving, I sometimes imagine what would happen if I just let go of the wheel and kept going. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-think-about-death | Behavioral Change | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'll respond to your speculation that if you let go of the steering wheel while driving, you'll end up quite seriously hurt, at the very least. </p><p>It is fine to play in your mind with "what ifs". People who write horror movie scripts most likely have some terrible sounding stories and suppositions.</p><p>If you trust yourself to actually not follow through with an idea that may kill you, and you recognize the difference between thinking dangerous things and doing dangerous things, then go to the next step of understanding more about your thoughts on death.</p><p>Since you wonder about being missed if you die, it is possible your thoughts about death are from feeling that you are metaphysically dead to people in your life whom you wish would show more interest in you.</p><p>Play around with your idea as to why you'd consider how people will feel about you if you're not in their lives.</p><p>This may offer some insight as to your expectations of current relationships with others.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I think about death? <</SYS>> I noticed lately that I've been thinking a lot about death. I don't want to die, and I'm not suicidal. I just think about what would happen if I died or if someone I loved died. I imagine how sad everyone I know would be. I know it isn't worth it, and I definitely want to live and have a future. I just think about it. When I'm driving, I sometimes imagine what would happen if I just let go of the wheel and kept going. [/INST] <p>I'll respond to your speculation that if you let go of the steering wheel while driving, you'll end up quite seriously hurt, at the very least. </p><p>It is fine to play in your mind with "what ifs". People who write horror movie scripts most likely have some terrible sounding stories and suppositions.</p><p>If you trust yourself to actually not follow through with an idea that may kill you, and you recognize the difference between thinking dangerous things and doing dangerous things, then go to the next step of understanding more about your thoughts on death.</p><p>Since you wonder about being missed if you die, it is possible your thoughts about death are from feeling that you are metaphysically dead to people in your life whom you wish would show more interest in you.</p><p>Play around with your idea as to why you'd consider how people will feel about you if you're not in their lives.</p><p>This may offer some insight as to your expectations of current relationships with others.</p> </s> |
5581331ea29507431fcd9f20 | How can I determine if I should be a boy or girl? | I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-determine-if-i-should-be-a-boy-or-girl | LGBTQ | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>I understand that gender and/or sexual identity crises can be very difficult to navigate, although in today’s time I think we have made a lot of progress and it is becoming easier for individuals to find themselves and also find acceptance from society.</p><p>I am unsure how old you are. If you are a child or teenager, this is a normal time to have identity questions and to be in a phase where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. I hope that you have understanding and supportive friends and family that you can talk to and who will support you in how you feel and what you may decide to do. A lot of people, unfortunately, do not, and if this is the case then it makes it harder for you. Because then you may not feel safe exploring these feelings and decisions.</p><p>I urge you not to try to make any permanent changes for quite some time. By this I mean a sex change. Anything permanent like surgery or hormone replacement to change your actual gender is something that does not need to be done lightly. Please find a therapist that can help you explore your feelings and your identity crisis. Of course there are things that you can do that are not permanent changes. Many people decide to dress like their gender of choice. Maybe experimenting in this way is something that you could do.</p><p>See if you have a local chapter of PFLAG in your area. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They are able to help not only with those who identify as lesbian or gay, but also transgendered and asexual. </p><p>I wish you all the best in your identity crisis. It would be very easy for you to sink into depression if you do not have good support and understanding from those around you during this time. Find a professional that can help, especially if you experience depression or any thoughts of harming yourself.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I determine if I should be a boy or girl? <</SYS>> I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl. [/INST] <p>I understand that gender and/or sexual identity crises can be very difficult to navigate, although in today’s time I think we have made a lot of progress and it is becoming easier for individuals to find themselves and also find acceptance from society.</p><p>I am unsure how old you are. If you are a child or teenager, this is a normal time to have identity questions and to be in a phase where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. I hope that you have understanding and supportive friends and family that you can talk to and who will support you in how you feel and what you may decide to do. A lot of people, unfortunately, do not, and if this is the case then it makes it harder for you. Because then you may not feel safe exploring these feelings and decisions.</p><p>I urge you not to try to make any permanent changes for quite some time. By this I mean a sex change. Anything permanent like surgery or hormone replacement to change your actual gender is something that does not need to be done lightly. Please find a therapist that can help you explore your feelings and your identity crisis. Of course there are things that you can do that are not permanent changes. Many people decide to dress like their gender of choice. Maybe experimenting in this way is something that you could do.</p><p>See if you have a local chapter of PFLAG in your area. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They are able to help not only with those who identify as lesbian or gay, but also transgendered and asexual. </p><p>I wish you all the best in your identity crisis. It would be very easy for you to sink into depression if you do not have good support and understanding from those around you during this time. Find a professional that can help, especially if you experience depression or any thoughts of harming yourself.</p> </s> |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.</p><p>The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.</p><p>From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.</p><p>I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.</p><p>There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? <</SYS>> After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. [/INST] <p>The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.</p><p>The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.</p><p>From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.</p><p>I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.</p><p>There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.</p> </s> |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Ashlie Brown | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ashlie-brown | <p>I think there are many different directions we could go as far as answering your question. I think the first and most important question you need to ask yourself is do you truly believe in your heart that you can forgive him and trust him again? Once you answer that question honestly then you can move in one of two directions. </p><p>First, if you truly love this guy and see yourself being with him long term and for the "long haul", so to speak...and you genuinely want to forgive him and trust him again, that is completely do-able and possible if you both put in the work. But, there's a greater issue here that needs to be addressed. You say your relationship is "good", but there's been a sexual disconnect between the two of you and that usually indicates some type of emotional disconnect is at the core. Would you agree with that, or what are your thoughts? Were you giving him less sexual attention than you normally do or were you guys never on the same page about sexual needs and having compatible sex drives? If you are more of an emotional person than he is, you may have been less interested sexually because he hasn't been meeting your emotional needs. For instance, if you hadn't been feeling loved, cared about, validated, appreciated, cherished, and special to him than you may have felt less connected physically and been less interested. This is a common issue with couples, and can easily be addressed if the communication in your relationship is strong and you can find a way to express to him your frustrations. In essence, many women tend to have more emotional needs than men, this is the way we are hard-wired, and there are exceptions to this of course, but if you have been feeling neglected emotionally than your lack of interest in sex is actually completely understandable and NORMAL! Until he understands this, and can learn to tune into your needs emotionally, you may struggle with feeling you are out of sync emotionally (and sexually). This leads to you both being frustrated, but if all this is ringing true to you, he seriously probably has no clue what's going on and may not know how you're feeling. You need to communicate your needs to him; if you are super lost with how to do that, there's an awesome book called The Five Love Languages. It's not that long, and it's very approachable and easy to apply the concepts to your relationships. Invaluable resource for relationships and truly eye opening; really!!</p><p>This is a long post, I'm sorry! But this is such an important issue that is very common and many people feel lost about how to handle it. So back to the second direction you can go....you feel very betrayed, you aren't sure if you can ever trust him again and you see yourself perhaps being paranoid forever and never being able to completely get over this. For instance, if he says he is working late, or if he doesn't call or text right away when he usually does, you may immediately jump to the worst case scenario that he is cheating again. Of course, it may not be true, he may have legit reasons for his behaviors, but the point is if you are going to be in paranoia-mode OR you just will always be unsure whether he loves you and is committed to you and only you, then the trust may not be able to be re-built. You need to think long and hard about this, and if you decide you have the capacity to forgive him and rebuild your foundation of trust and honesty, then you need to let him know very explicitly what you need him to do to earn that trust back. You can't just tell him vaguely "I need to trust you again"; if he wants his family back and he's willing to do the work, you need to line out exactly what he needs to do and he needs to do it. But, be prepared that he might throw out there that he cheated because he felt you weren't attracted to him anymore (or he tries to put the blame on you somehow because he says you weren't meeting his physical needs)...if he throws that out there, but you weren't showing him the affection because you were frustrated emotionally, then it all starts with you communicating that to him. Get that book!</p><p>In conclusion, if you feel in your heart there is no way you will be able to trust him again and you will always wonder if he's cheating when his behavior isn't spot on, you will be a nervous wreck and perhaps cutting your losses now would spare you the continued heartache. There is certainly a way to work through this, but you both have to be motivated and you have to get to the source of why the cheating happened in the first place. Rebuilding trust can be a long process, maybe even years, and for some people, they may never be able to fully trust and let go of the past. I truly recommend starting with the book, and then going from there. If you decide you want to stay with him, you would really benefit from couples counseling, as it sounds like a professional could help you strengthen your communication and ability to trust again.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? [/INST] <p>I think there are many different directions we could go as far as answering your question. I think the first and most important question you need to ask yourself is do you truly believe in your heart that you can forgive him and trust him again? Once you answer that question honestly then you can move in one of two directions. </p><p>First, if you truly love this guy and see yourself being with him long term and for the "long haul", so to speak...and you genuinely want to forgive him and trust him again, that is completely do-able and possible if you both put in the work. But, there's a greater issue here that needs to be addressed. You say your relationship is "good", but there's been a sexual disconnect between the two of you and that usually indicates some type of emotional disconnect is at the core. Would you agree with that, or what are your thoughts? Were you giving him less sexual attention than you normally do or were you guys never on the same page about sexual needs and having compatible sex drives? If you are more of an emotional person than he is, you may have been less interested sexually because he hasn't been meeting your emotional needs. For instance, if you hadn't been feeling loved, cared about, validated, appreciated, cherished, and special to him than you may have felt less connected physically and been less interested. This is a common issue with couples, and can easily be addressed if the communication in your relationship is strong and you can find a way to express to him your frustrations. In essence, many women tend to have more emotional needs than men, this is the way we are hard-wired, and there are exceptions to this of course, but if you have been feeling neglected emotionally than your lack of interest in sex is actually completely understandable and NORMAL! Until he understands this, and can learn to tune into your needs emotionally, you may struggle with feeling you are out of sync emotionally (and sexually). This leads to you both being frustrated, but if all this is ringing true to you, he seriously probably has no clue what's going on and may not know how you're feeling. You need to communicate your needs to him; if you are super lost with how to do that, there's an awesome book called The Five Love Languages. It's not that long, and it's very approachable and easy to apply the concepts to your relationships. Invaluable resource for relationships and truly eye opening; really!!</p><p>This is a long post, I'm sorry! But this is such an important issue that is very common and many people feel lost about how to handle it. So back to the second direction you can go....you feel very betrayed, you aren't sure if you can ever trust him again and you see yourself perhaps being paranoid forever and never being able to completely get over this. For instance, if he says he is working late, or if he doesn't call or text right away when he usually does, you may immediately jump to the worst case scenario that he is cheating again. Of course, it may not be true, he may have legit reasons for his behaviors, but the point is if you are going to be in paranoia-mode OR you just will always be unsure whether he loves you and is committed to you and only you, then the trust may not be able to be re-built. You need to think long and hard about this, and if you decide you have the capacity to forgive him and rebuild your foundation of trust and honesty, then you need to let him know very explicitly what you need him to do to earn that trust back. You can't just tell him vaguely "I need to trust you again"; if he wants his family back and he's willing to do the work, you need to line out exactly what he needs to do and he needs to do it. But, be prepared that he might throw out there that he cheated because he felt you weren't attracted to him anymore (or he tries to put the blame on you somehow because he says you weren't meeting his physical needs)...if he throws that out there, but you weren't showing him the affection because you were frustrated emotionally, then it all starts with you communicating that to him. Get that book!</p><p>In conclusion, if you feel in your heart there is no way you will be able to trust him again and you will always wonder if he's cheating when his behavior isn't spot on, you will be a nervous wreck and perhaps cutting your losses now would spare you the continued heartache. There is certainly a way to work through this, but you both have to be motivated and you have to get to the source of why the cheating happened in the first place. Rebuilding trust can be a long process, maybe even years, and for some people, they may never be able to fully trust and let go of the past. I truly recommend starting with the book, and then going from there. If you decide you want to stay with him, you would really benefit from couples counseling, as it sounds like a professional could help you strengthen your communication and ability to trust again.</p> </s> |
5713bb74a43d56a91bc87035 | What can I do about my family not accepting me as bisexual? | After I told them, they yelled at me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-family-not-accepting-me-as-bisexual | LGBTQ,Family Conflict | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that this was your experience with your family. I truly wish I could give you some things to say to them that would change their reaction, but unfortunately I can't do that. Their acceptance of you is a journey, just like coming out is a journey for you. </p><p>Sometimes families initially respond this way, but after time they become more accepting and even supportive. Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure if that will happen. So, here are a few things I would suggest:</p><p>Surround yourself with people and things that remind you that you really are okay as you are. That won't take the place of your family's acceptance, and I won't even pretend that it would, but it may help during those days when it hurts the most. And that is really important. </p><p>Patience is not something that many of us are really good at, but this type of situation sometimes forces you to have some. When families first learn something like this, they may go through a period of shock. And then sometimes even grieving. They may even be worried if they are of a particular religion where being bisexual is forbidden. These things can take time for them to reconcile, so it may just take some patience. If it is safe for you, try to talk to them, but if it becomes painful or hurtful then you have the right to walk away. </p><p>I do recommend setting up some personal boundaries for yourself, and perhaps learn some assertiveness skills if you feel you struggle with them. The reason I feel that this is important is that people sometimes take a lot of abuse from family members and friends in times like you're describing. </p><p>They may want to be accepted so much that they put themselves in hurtful positions over and over again hoping that their families will come around. They may, or they may not. And if they don't, you deserve to live a life free of abuse and to feel confident and assured of who you are. To be surrounded by folks who remind you of that. </p><p>If you start seeing this pattern and you are struggling, chatting with counselor may be a great idea. I am bias probably, but I think chatting with a counselor is ALWAYS a good idea. :) </p><p>Hope this helps. Be well. Be you. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my family not accepting me as bisexual? <</SYS>> After I told them, they yelled at me. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that this was your experience with your family. I truly wish I could give you some things to say to them that would change their reaction, but unfortunately I can't do that. Their acceptance of you is a journey, just like coming out is a journey for you. </p><p>Sometimes families initially respond this way, but after time they become more accepting and even supportive. Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure if that will happen. So, here are a few things I would suggest:</p><p>Surround yourself with people and things that remind you that you really are okay as you are. That won't take the place of your family's acceptance, and I won't even pretend that it would, but it may help during those days when it hurts the most. And that is really important. </p><p>Patience is not something that many of us are really good at, but this type of situation sometimes forces you to have some. When families first learn something like this, they may go through a period of shock. And then sometimes even grieving. They may even be worried if they are of a particular religion where being bisexual is forbidden. These things can take time for them to reconcile, so it may just take some patience. If it is safe for you, try to talk to them, but if it becomes painful or hurtful then you have the right to walk away. </p><p>I do recommend setting up some personal boundaries for yourself, and perhaps learn some assertiveness skills if you feel you struggle with them. The reason I feel that this is important is that people sometimes take a lot of abuse from family members and friends in times like you're describing. </p><p>They may want to be accepted so much that they put themselves in hurtful positions over and over again hoping that their families will come around. They may, or they may not. And if they don't, you deserve to live a life free of abuse and to feel confident and assured of who you are. To be surrounded by folks who remind you of that. </p><p>If you start seeing this pattern and you are struggling, chatting with counselor may be a great idea. I am bias probably, but I think chatting with a counselor is ALWAYS a good idea. :) </p><p>Hope this helps. Be well. Be you. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
55e3d854cc6b2b1c1ce52192 | My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago and now he wants me back | I'm currently dating someone else and I really like him. But I love and miss my ex so much. What do I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-ex-boyfriend-and-i-broke-up-about-3-months-ago-and-now-he-wants-me-back | Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>Finding the right person is a tricky thing to do. Why did you and your ex break up 3 months ago? In relationships with others you get to see a reflection of yourself. Sometimes you may enjoy that reflection, other times it may not feel so good. I'm not sure where you are in your life and relationships and what you do from here depends on what you desire more of in your life. But I'm not simply talking in the moment desire, I'm referring to the direction you want your life to go. If one of these guys was to support you...who would help you reach your dreams? And who would you enjoy spending time with? It's complicated and no one can answer the 'what to do' question but you. Slow down. Tune into your heart. Listen. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago and now he wants me back <</SYS>> I'm currently dating someone else and I really like him. But I love and miss my ex so much. What do I do? [/INST] <p>Finding the right person is a tricky thing to do. Why did you and your ex break up 3 months ago? In relationships with others you get to see a reflection of yourself. Sometimes you may enjoy that reflection, other times it may not feel so good. I'm not sure where you are in your life and relationships and what you do from here depends on what you desire more of in your life. But I'm not simply talking in the moment desire, I'm referring to the direction you want your life to go. If one of these guys was to support you...who would help you reach your dreams? And who would you enjoy spending time with? It's complicated and no one can answer the 'what to do' question but you. Slow down. Tune into your heart. Listen. </p> </s> |
56b30469c2bfe0f729d6e74e | My husband was lying about drinking again. | My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.
The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-was-lying-about-drinking-again | Addiction,Marriage,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Los Angeles,</p><p>So your husband is giving you mixed messages. He says he's willing to cut back on the drinking, but he drinks and hides it. His behaviour is passive aggressive and immature, which puts you into this position of having to act like a disapproving parent. It sounds more like you're talking about an out-of-control teenager than your partner. </p><p>Your husband's lying is sending a message. "I get to make my own decisions and you can't stop me" might be it. Underneath that, maybe it's "I want to stop but I'm ashamed that I can't and I don't want you to see my failures". Ultimately, as an adult, he gets to decide what he puts in his mouth and if you try to manage that by monitoring how many beers he has, you are pretty certain to get some fallout... pushback...backlash... </p><p>How does his drinking affect you? That's where your voice has power, rather than in counting his beers or setting him up to lie (when he's passed out, asking if he's been drinking seems confusing). You've mentioned snoring, which I guess is a legitimate complaint. If he's passing out, that's a legitimate complaint. When he drinks does he drive, act aggressively, or 'check out of' the relationship (avoid you)? All of these things are legitimate concerns, and I'd stick to talking about those rather than counting beers. My guess is he has few other ways to cope with stress, so he checks out with alcohol, and it also helps him avoid your relationship. But the problem is it makes it worse; the more he avoids you, then more you chase him with your questions.</p><p>There's a conversation that would be helpful here. It sounds like "I've tried to support you in your drinking less, and it's not working. What are your goals for alcohol and how can I support you in that more effectively?" I'd like to see you in a place where you're not micromanaging his drinking, but focusing on the things that affect you. What concrete supportive methods can you use with his agreement? Can we get the alcohol out of the house? Is he willing to seek treatment? </p><p>Lay your expectations out really clearly. "I won't count your beers, but I can't tolerate lying". You have to decide what's more important; is it really the number of beers, or is it something else. What do you need to happen in order to want to remain in the marriage? What does he need? Does he let you know what isn't okay with him? He might have trouble saying these things. </p><p>The drinking is only a part of the complex dynamic in your marriage. A qualified therapist can assist in pulling this apart, understanding it, and changing the way you relate to each other. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband was lying about drinking again. <</SYS>> My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.
The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard. [/INST] <p>Hi Los Angeles,</p><p>So your husband is giving you mixed messages. He says he's willing to cut back on the drinking, but he drinks and hides it. His behaviour is passive aggressive and immature, which puts you into this position of having to act like a disapproving parent. It sounds more like you're talking about an out-of-control teenager than your partner. </p><p>Your husband's lying is sending a message. "I get to make my own decisions and you can't stop me" might be it. Underneath that, maybe it's "I want to stop but I'm ashamed that I can't and I don't want you to see my failures". Ultimately, as an adult, he gets to decide what he puts in his mouth and if you try to manage that by monitoring how many beers he has, you are pretty certain to get some fallout... pushback...backlash... </p><p>How does his drinking affect you? That's where your voice has power, rather than in counting his beers or setting him up to lie (when he's passed out, asking if he's been drinking seems confusing). You've mentioned snoring, which I guess is a legitimate complaint. If he's passing out, that's a legitimate complaint. When he drinks does he drive, act aggressively, or 'check out of' the relationship (avoid you)? All of these things are legitimate concerns, and I'd stick to talking about those rather than counting beers. My guess is he has few other ways to cope with stress, so he checks out with alcohol, and it also helps him avoid your relationship. But the problem is it makes it worse; the more he avoids you, then more you chase him with your questions.</p><p>There's a conversation that would be helpful here. It sounds like "I've tried to support you in your drinking less, and it's not working. What are your goals for alcohol and how can I support you in that more effectively?" I'd like to see you in a place where you're not micromanaging his drinking, but focusing on the things that affect you. What concrete supportive methods can you use with his agreement? Can we get the alcohol out of the house? Is he willing to seek treatment? </p><p>Lay your expectations out really clearly. "I won't count your beers, but I can't tolerate lying". You have to decide what's more important; is it really the number of beers, or is it something else. What do you need to happen in order to want to remain in the marriage? What does he need? Does he let you know what isn't okay with him? He might have trouble saying these things. </p><p>The drinking is only a part of the complex dynamic in your marriage. A qualified therapist can assist in pulling this apart, understanding it, and changing the way you relate to each other. </p> </s> |
571d184feba13fca346971c1 | Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls? | I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-ethical-for-a-social-worker-to-ignore-a-client-s-phone-calls | Legal & Regulatory,Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | Mental health providers should promptly return calls from current clients as well as from potential clients. This is even true if the social worker (or counselor) is unable to make an appointment with the caller. In that case the social worker should call you back to let you know that he is unable to schedule an appointment with you.<br><br>In addition, mental health providers have an obligation to follow through with their own communication standards. For example, if the social worker in this case has an outgoing voicemail message that promises returned calls within 24 hours, he has an obligation to follow through on that promise.<br><br>All that being said, it is also worth remembering that mental health professionals are just people too. It is possible that he had an unforeseen emergency that kept him from from returning your call promptly.<br><br>In the end, I agree with Sherry's advice. If you feel this social worker is not a good fit for you, you probably should trust your gut and find someone else who is a better fit.<br> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls? <</SYS>> I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me? [/INST] Mental health providers should promptly return calls from current clients as well as from potential clients. This is even true if the social worker (or counselor) is unable to make an appointment with the caller. In that case the social worker should call you back to let you know that he is unable to schedule an appointment with you.<br><br>In addition, mental health providers have an obligation to follow through with their own communication standards. For example, if the social worker in this case has an outgoing voicemail message that promises returned calls within 24 hours, he has an obligation to follow through on that promise.<br><br>All that being said, it is also worth remembering that mental health professionals are just people too. It is possible that he had an unforeseen emergency that kept him from from returning your call promptly.<br><br>In the end, I agree with Sherry's advice. If you feel this social worker is not a good fit for you, you probably should trust your gut and find someone else who is a better fit.<br> </s> |
55eee2ad21fbadd9096d0c3a | I'm transgender. I want help and I need help. | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-transgender-i-want-help-and-i-need-help | LGBTQ | Lola Georg | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg | <p>It's courageous to seek help, and I applaud you. Here is a great guide from Forge Forward: https://forge-forward.org/wp-content/docs/Lets-Talk-Therapist-Guide.pdf. It is about seeking help through therapy; however, they also have a listing of trans support groups throughout the US, which you can find here: http://forge-forward.org/directories/listing/. I would start by connecting with a local organization that can guide you to support groups, and trans-affirming counselors. You are not alone. There are people out there willing and able to help.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm transgender. I want help and I need help. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>It's courageous to seek help, and I applaud you. Here is a great guide from Forge Forward: https://forge-forward.org/wp-content/docs/Lets-Talk-Therapist-Guide.pdf. It is about seeking help through therapy; however, they also have a listing of trans support groups throughout the US, which you can find here: http://forge-forward.org/directories/listing/. I would start by connecting with a local organization that can guide you to support groups, and trans-affirming counselors. You are not alone. There are people out there willing and able to help.</p> </s> |
5731753eaaeea25a1918b5fa | How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again? | My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-and-depression-so-i-can-feel-normal-again | Anxiety,Depression | Daniel Kelley-Petersen | https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen | <p>Anxiety and Depression are challenging experiences to live with and to manage on a daily basis. I would say that both are challenges to overcome but solutions to living healthy and well exist. Step 1: Talk about it. With friends, family, partners, counselors, and other trusted people in your life. Step 2: Create a plan with a counselor to learn new skills that help you recognize and manage your symptoms. Step 3: Don't give up. Working on yourself can be difficult and hard at the beginning. Stick with it and you will be able to find exercises, tools, and resources that help you live well. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again? <</SYS>> My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life. [/INST] <p>Anxiety and Depression are challenging experiences to live with and to manage on a daily basis. I would say that both are challenges to overcome but solutions to living healthy and well exist. Step 1: Talk about it. With friends, family, partners, counselors, and other trusted people in your life. Step 2: Create a plan with a counselor to learn new skills that help you recognize and manage your symptoms. Step 3: Don't give up. Working on yourself can be difficult and hard at the beginning. Stick with it and you will be able to find exercises, tools, and resources that help you live well. <br></p> </s> |
57799c9772f4321a37b64221 | Is it normal to cry during therapy? | I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Please feel free to cry during therapy if you suddenly feel painful emotions arising when you describe some of your unsatisfying and unfulfilling relationships and situations.</p><p>Crying when realizing the emotional hurt and unfairness between you and someone, clears you for new ways of handling interactions.</p><p>As a therapist, I always have a box of tissues on the table next to the couch where people who utilize my therapy, sit.</p><p>I hope you will soon discover that once your tears unlock your awareness of harmful relationships in your life, you will quickly see the freedom to establish new and happier patterns of relating.</p><p>Have a good therapy!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to cry during therapy? <</SYS>> I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? [/INST] <p>Please feel free to cry during therapy if you suddenly feel painful emotions arising when you describe some of your unsatisfying and unfulfilling relationships and situations.</p><p>Crying when realizing the emotional hurt and unfairness between you and someone, clears you for new ways of handling interactions.</p><p>As a therapist, I always have a box of tissues on the table next to the couch where people who utilize my therapy, sit.</p><p>I hope you will soon discover that once your tears unlock your awareness of harmful relationships in your life, you will quickly see the freedom to establish new and happier patterns of relating.</p><p>Have a good therapy!</p> </s> |
56929cac5e05170e0472da0c | How can I be less anxious when dealing with my toddler? | My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-anxious-when-dealing-with-my-toddler | Anxiety,Parenting | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>That's a good question. I would say learn to pick your battles. What types of behavior/situations can you let go of? If you allow yourself to worry about the various areas in life that you cannot control, you will find yourself stressed out and unable to manage everything. Know that toddlerhood comes with lots of "no's," tantrums, non-compliance, and a growing need for independence. When your toddler does something that you don't approve of, remain calm, explain to him/her the appropriate way to act, and model it for him/her. Remember to give your toddler praise when he/she does something good or acceptable. Be consistent and follow through with your instructions. Finally, know that you are not alone. Parenting comes with its set of challenges but all you can do is your very best. Good luck to you!<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less anxious when dealing with my toddler? <</SYS>> My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time. [/INST] <p>That's a good question. I would say learn to pick your battles. What types of behavior/situations can you let go of? If you allow yourself to worry about the various areas in life that you cannot control, you will find yourself stressed out and unable to manage everything. Know that toddlerhood comes with lots of "no's," tantrums, non-compliance, and a growing need for independence. When your toddler does something that you don't approve of, remain calm, explain to him/her the appropriate way to act, and model it for him/her. Remember to give your toddler praise when he/she does something good or acceptable. Be consistent and follow through with your instructions. Finally, know that you are not alone. Parenting comes with its set of challenges but all you can do is your very best. Good luck to you!<br></p> </s> |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Dr. Dinelly Holder | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-dinelly-holder | <p>In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? <</SYS>> I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? [/INST] <p>In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?</p> </s> |
56ba553e4e568f192e1bfb2b | Am I a lesbian because I love a girl? | I’m in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. I’ve tried to be in relationship with guys, but I can’t be in love with them. | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-a-lesbian-because-i-love-a-girl | LGBTQ,Relationships,Intimacy | Angie Stones | https://counselchat.com/therapists/angie-stones | <p>It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is. You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I a lesbian because I love a girl? <</SYS>> I’m in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. I’ve tried to be in relationship with guys, but I can’t be in love with them. [/INST] <p>It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is. You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.<br></p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>of I would love to know a little bit more about what's going on in your life but I will attempt an answer.Yes, you could still be shaky and nervous going to therapy. This therapy thing your doing is sometimes scary. </p><p>First, because your opening up things that you might have never wanted to. </p><p>Second, your still building a relationship with this therapist person. You may never get over that. The therapist really can't be your "friend". They are there to push the buttons that you might not want pushed and help you heal. That in itself is scary and can make you anxious. </p><p>Third, you really never know where this therapy thing will go. Yes, there are goals. But sometimes side roads need to be taken and sometimes that is scary.</p><p>Know this you are in the right place. You are taking steps to change. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>of I would love to know a little bit more about what's going on in your life but I will attempt an answer.Yes, you could still be shaky and nervous going to therapy. This therapy thing your doing is sometimes scary. </p><p>First, because your opening up things that you might have never wanted to. </p><p>Second, your still building a relationship with this therapist person. You may never get over that. The therapist really can't be your "friend". They are there to push the buttons that you might not want pushed and help you heal. That in itself is scary and can make you anxious. </p><p>Third, you really never know where this therapy thing will go. Yes, there are goals. But sometimes side roads need to be taken and sometimes that is scary.</p><p>Know this you are in the right place. You are taking steps to change. </p> </s> |
579bde2e188cd61c1684e815 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses. | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.
Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | Anxiety,Parenting,Family Conflict | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>Sounds like a lot is going on right now at such a young age. I'd start with discussing with mom your concerns and ideal situation. I'm unsure what prevents you from staying there, but whoever you are staying with, it should be brought to their attention. In regards to your anxiety attacks, deep breathing is always a benefits. I have a link you can use to help to do this online if you are interested. In addition, finding ways you usually cope with anxiety and what's worked before can help and if it isn't, exploring new way to calm you down can be beneficial. This is something you can speak with your therapist about going forward when they are available.</p><p>In regards to feeling suicidal: I would call suicide prevention hotline (You can google them) if you truly feel the ideation is getting worse. They are professional agents who can speak with you about your ideation and help you through the process. Hope this helps. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses. <</SYS>> I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.
Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? [/INST] <p>Sounds like a lot is going on right now at such a young age. I'd start with discussing with mom your concerns and ideal situation. I'm unsure what prevents you from staying there, but whoever you are staying with, it should be brought to their attention. In regards to your anxiety attacks, deep breathing is always a benefits. I have a link you can use to help to do this online if you are interested. In addition, finding ways you usually cope with anxiety and what's worked before can help and if it isn't, exploring new way to calm you down can be beneficial. This is something you can speak with your therapist about going forward when they are available.</p><p>In regards to feeling suicidal: I would call suicide prevention hotline (You can google them) if you truly feel the ideation is getting worse. They are professional agents who can speak with you about your ideation and help you through the process. Hope this helps. </p> </s> |
56e60f1a02b3f7e43463d3f2 | Is this depression? | I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-this-depression | Depression | Jenifer Finkelstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein | <p>It sounds like you are trying to find a label to help you to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Sometimes there are no labels for how we feel. Sometimes there is no name for the emotions that we are experiencing. Regardless, you do not have to continue to feel this way, no matter what you call it. If you are seeking to experience an internal calmness such as your external calmness, you may want to try some mindfulness practices or meditation. However, being able to get at the root cause of what you are feeling may be what you need to help you release this feeling for the long term. I recommend seeking support for this to allow this internal screaming to get some air and begin to breathe. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is this depression? <</SYS>> I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are trying to find a label to help you to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Sometimes there are no labels for how we feel. Sometimes there is no name for the emotions that we are experiencing. Regardless, you do not have to continue to feel this way, no matter what you call it. If you are seeking to experience an internal calmness such as your external calmness, you may want to try some mindfulness practices or meditation. However, being able to get at the root cause of what you are feeling may be what you need to help you release this feeling for the long term. I recommend seeking support for this to allow this internal screaming to get some air and begin to breathe. </p> </s> |
56ad3338014e2eff2b4fee2d | What should I do if I think my partner is cheating? | How can I know if I'm just being paranoid? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-if-i-think-my-partner-is-cheating | Relationships,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Texas,</p><p>Oh, that's a powerful idea, isn't it? It burrows into your head. Let's figure this out. First, has your partner given you any concrete reason not to trust them? Have they cheated before? If not, then they deserve the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence. If it's a "yes", then it's natural that these fears would be triggered and you can simply let your partner know what triggers the fear and what you need. "When you refuse to let me see your phone I worry that you're hiding something. I need openness". If they haven't cheated on you in the past, there are three possible scenarios here. I invite you to take a moment and write down what the evidence is that cheating is going on. What is the specific thing that's triggering your fears? When you have your data recorded, read on...</p><p>The first scenario is that you have been personally hurt in the past by someone else and you've developed fears that you will be hurt again or that you're not enough to keep someone interested (this is just fear...people cheat for their own reasons, not because we're not interesting). This may be true if what you wrote down is "They didn't really do anything wrong...there is no evidence. I'm just scared and suspicious". That's a cue to do some self reflection and calm yourself with thoughts like "nothing has really happened. I can trust."</p><p>If what you wrote down was vague evidence, like for example your partner has been distant or irritable, or you're having less sex than usual, you can try to approach the situation without making assumptions. Trust your gut, but your gut isn't seeing evidence of cheating...it's evidence of "something". Ask your partner what's up with accusations or assumptions.</p><p>The third possibility is that there is some clear evidence that they are cheating. Maybe there are texts on a phone, or someone has told you something they saw. I'd say when there is some evidence, it's okay to present this to your partner and ask what's going on. If this happens repeatedly, and your gut is screaming and there are only excuses or explanations that don't make sense, then it's okay to do a bit of "research" and be extra aware of what's going on around you. </p><p>I hope that helps. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What should I do if I think my partner is cheating? <</SYS>> How can I know if I'm just being paranoid? [/INST] <p>Hi Texas,</p><p>Oh, that's a powerful idea, isn't it? It burrows into your head. Let's figure this out. First, has your partner given you any concrete reason not to trust them? Have they cheated before? If not, then they deserve the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence. If it's a "yes", then it's natural that these fears would be triggered and you can simply let your partner know what triggers the fear and what you need. "When you refuse to let me see your phone I worry that you're hiding something. I need openness". If they haven't cheated on you in the past, there are three possible scenarios here. I invite you to take a moment and write down what the evidence is that cheating is going on. What is the specific thing that's triggering your fears? When you have your data recorded, read on...</p><p>The first scenario is that you have been personally hurt in the past by someone else and you've developed fears that you will be hurt again or that you're not enough to keep someone interested (this is just fear...people cheat for their own reasons, not because we're not interesting). This may be true if what you wrote down is "They didn't really do anything wrong...there is no evidence. I'm just scared and suspicious". That's a cue to do some self reflection and calm yourself with thoughts like "nothing has really happened. I can trust."</p><p>If what you wrote down was vague evidence, like for example your partner has been distant or irritable, or you're having less sex than usual, you can try to approach the situation without making assumptions. Trust your gut, but your gut isn't seeing evidence of cheating...it's evidence of "something". Ask your partner what's up with accusations or assumptions.</p><p>The third possibility is that there is some clear evidence that they are cheating. Maybe there are texts on a phone, or someone has told you something they saw. I'd say when there is some evidence, it's okay to present this to your partner and ask what's going on. If this happens repeatedly, and your gut is screaming and there are only excuses or explanations that don't make sense, then it's okay to do a bit of "research" and be extra aware of what's going on around you. </p><p>I hope that helps. </p> </s> |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Jill Barnett Kaufman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jill-barnett-kaufman | <p>There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling. A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client. This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time. If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy. The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities. Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care. If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care. In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit. A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship. For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship. In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist. Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] <p>There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling. A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client. This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time. If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy. The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities. Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care. If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care. In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit. A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship. For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship. In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist. Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment.</p> </s> |
58c9c85398741803743bf6e9 | My daughter isn't acting her age. | My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.
Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age | Parenting,Children & Adolescents | Manya Khoddami | https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami | This is certainly an important issue to look into, It is always helpful to speak with the child's pediatrician since they are most familiar with the child's developmental history. Also, children tend to regress behaviorally when facing events and interactions they feel to have no control over, this can be as simple as a loss of a pet, a recent move, death in the family, and/or as serious as sexual abuse, and other things. If you have not spoken to the school that can be a good starting point. | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My daughter isn't acting her age. <</SYS>> My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.
Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal? [/INST] This is certainly an important issue to look into, It is always helpful to speak with the child's pediatrician since they are most familiar with the child's developmental history. Also, children tend to regress behaviorally when facing events and interactions they feel to have no control over, this can be as simple as a loss of a pet, a recent move, death in the family, and/or as serious as sexual abuse, and other things. If you have not spoken to the school that can be a good starting point. </s> |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Lovener Wightman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lovener-wightman | <div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;">A failed suicide attempt is commonly thought of as a “cry for help,” however it can also be a serious attempt to find a permanent solution to depression, hopelessness or other feelings a person feels are unbearable. It’s wonderful that you want to support your husband, but If your husband is feeling depressed and hopeless, you can best help him by getting him to a mental health professional. Feelings of hopelessness and depression, and previous attempts at suicide are all risk factors for future suicide attempts. </div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;">With a mental health professional, or in the emergency room of a hospital, your husband should be evaluated for suicidal thoughts, intent and plan, and if he is a danger to himself he should probably be hospitalized again until he is stable. Without knowing the particulars, your husband may suffer from Major Depressive Disorder or some other illness on the depressive spectrum. In that case medication could help him immensely, at which point you can offer your support and encouragement him to practice gentle self-care. And do not forget to practice it for yourself. Remember: a suicide attempt not only affects the person, but it is an immense stressor for his or her loved ones as well. As they say, “put your oxygen mask on first.” Then you will be better able to provide your husband with calm and loving care and attention.</div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;"><br></div><div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">Kayla Schwartz, LMSW</span></div><div style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><a href="mailto:kayla@nyccounseling.com" target="_blank" style="color: rgb(17, 85, 204);">kayla@nyccounseling.com</a></span></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></div></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? <</SYS>> After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. [/INST] <div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;">A failed suicide attempt is commonly thought of as a “cry for help,” however it can also be a serious attempt to find a permanent solution to depression, hopelessness or other feelings a person feels are unbearable. It’s wonderful that you want to support your husband, but If your husband is feeling depressed and hopeless, you can best help him by getting him to a mental health professional. Feelings of hopelessness and depression, and previous attempts at suicide are all risk factors for future suicide attempts. </div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;">With a mental health professional, or in the emergency room of a hospital, your husband should be evaluated for suicidal thoughts, intent and plan, and if he is a danger to himself he should probably be hospitalized again until he is stable. Without knowing the particulars, your husband may suffer from Major Depressive Disorder or some other illness on the depressive spectrum. In that case medication could help him immensely, at which point you can offer your support and encouragement him to practice gentle self-care. And do not forget to practice it for yourself. Remember: a suicide attempt not only affects the person, but it is an immense stressor for his or her loved ones as well. As they say, “put your oxygen mask on first.” Then you will be better able to provide your husband with calm and loving care and attention.</div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(52, 52, 52); font-family: "helvetica neue", helvetica, helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0em 0px;"><br></div><div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">Kayla Schwartz, LMSW</span></div><div style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: -webkit-auto; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><a href="mailto:kayla@nyccounseling.com" target="_blank" style="color: rgb(17, 85, 204);">kayla@nyccounseling.com</a></span></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></div></div> </s> |
5685d15ee716b51523007af9 | I'm in a lesbian relationship, and my mother doesn't really approve. | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-in-a-lesbian-relationship-and-my-mother-doesn-t-really-approve | LGBTQ,Family Conflict | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | It can be very difficult, when our parents do not approve of significant aspects of who we are. As children, we need our parents approval, and as adults, we often still desire it. Some things I am wondering about are, how do you feel about your sexuality and your relationship with your mother? Is there anything you would like to have different in your relationship with your mother? I don't know if these questions resonate with you or not, but if there are some conflicted feelings in regards to your mother, working with a competent therapist may be a good way of getting clarity about how you would like to move forward.<br><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm in a lesbian relationship, and my mother doesn't really approve. <</SYS>> None [/INST] It can be very difficult, when our parents do not approve of significant aspects of who we are. As children, we need our parents approval, and as adults, we often still desire it. Some things I am wondering about are, how do you feel about your sexuality and your relationship with your mother? Is there anything you would like to have different in your relationship with your mother? I don't know if these questions resonate with you or not, but if there are some conflicted feelings in regards to your mother, working with a competent therapist may be a good way of getting clarity about how you would like to move forward.<br><p><br></p> </s> |
5789afc0c5c377c17ceeecd7 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder. | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | Anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It certainly sounds like you have some anxiety. Before deciding whether it was social anxiety or a more general type of anxiety, I would wonder what it is that you think will result from you raising your hand or talking to someone you don't know. Here is some information on social anxiety: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety</p><p>I would recommend talking to a local mental health professional. It sounds like your anxiety is affecting your daily life and there are lots of strategies that may help to lessen that.</p><p>Thanks for being brave to post here.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder. <</SYS>> I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>It certainly sounds like you have some anxiety. Before deciding whether it was social anxiety or a more general type of anxiety, I would wonder what it is that you think will result from you raising your hand or talking to someone you don't know. Here is some information on social anxiety: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety</p><p>I would recommend talking to a local mental health professional. It sounds like your anxiety is affecting your daily life and there are lots of strategies that may help to lessen that.</p><p>Thanks for being brave to post here.</p> </s> |
5620426ce3be3a3128a82804 | My fiancé cheated. How can we mend our relationship? | I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-fianc-cheated-how-can-we-mend-our-relationship | Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Love-Last-Betrayal-ebook/dp/B0061Q640C" target="_blank">What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal</a> by John Gottman is a great book for you both to start reading. You may also want to invest some time and energy in couples therapy. It sounds like there is a lack of trust in your relationship, likely a hangover from your beginnings, that would be helpful for you both to work through to truly be able to forgive and move forward.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My fiancé cheated. How can we mend our relationship? <</SYS>> I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice? [/INST] <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Love-Last-Betrayal-ebook/dp/B0061Q640C" target="_blank">What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal</a> by John Gottman is a great book for you both to start reading. You may also want to invest some time and energy in couples therapy. It sounds like there is a lack of trust in your relationship, likely a hangover from your beginnings, that would be helpful for you both to work through to truly be able to forgive and move forward.</p> </s> |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font color="#333333" face="Times New Roman"></font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">I believe that counseling (and finding a GOOD therapist)
will be of significant help when the individual seeking therapy desires change,
improvement, and overall growth. Most counseling involves homework and a level
of commitment outside of session that also contributes to resolution of
problems and an ability to cope with stresses in a productive way. Here are
some of the key ways that therapy can help. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>1.</strong> <strong>Helps to define the problem and gain a clearer
understanding of where it originates.</strong> </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Many people seek counseling because of symptoms they are
experiencing. These can include feeling sad, increased sleeping, substance use,
panic attacks, self-harm, isolating one’s self, academic decline, etc. Often
times, people are not aware of what is causing these symptoms. Having a
therapist to help guide and explore why the symptoms are occurring and where
they come from will give individuals increased insight and awareness into their
problems. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>2. Allows for a safe outlet to vent.</strong></font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Not everyone likes to share their problems with close
friends or family members. Maybe they don’t want others to know of their flaws.
Maybe they don’t want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they just
are not comfortable talking about themselves. And in some situations people do
not have the option of talking with someone they know because they have no
friends or family. While talking with those we know can help bring some relief
it is also nice to talk with someone like a therapist who is objective and
emotionally removed from given situations. Counseling gives a safe outlet in
which one can express their personal feelings and thoughts without feeling
judged.</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>3. Counselors can offer various problem solving solutions.</strong>
</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">A good therapist usually will not directly point their
client in the direction they need to go. Counseling is about growth and
teaching the client to identify triggers and use effective coping strategies
that will bring about emotional and psychological relief. Counselors will help
clients to explore the various options available in given situation, based on
the client’s needs, wants, and values and will help them to choose the option
that best fits with their desired outcome. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>4. Gives one the tools needed to cope with current and future
problems.</strong></font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Many individuals that seek therapy have never learned
good coping strategies. Perhaps they did not have parents or caretakers to
model productive ways to cope or maybe the symptoms they are suffering from are
overbearing and take away the energy needed to cope. Different diagnoses
require different tools; however some are beneficial for any problem and any
individual. These include but are not limited to relaxation techniques,
breathing exercises, development of healthy routines, using mindfulness,
improving communication skills, and recognizing and changing maladaptive
thought patterns. A good counselor will teach clients how to use these tools,
will often practice them during session, and will assign homework for further
practice and mastery of the skills.</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font color="#333333" face="Times New Roman"></font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">I believe that counseling (and finding a GOOD therapist)
will be of significant help when the individual seeking therapy desires change,
improvement, and overall growth. Most counseling involves homework and a level
of commitment outside of session that also contributes to resolution of
problems and an ability to cope with stresses in a productive way. Here are
some of the key ways that therapy can help. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>1.</strong> <strong>Helps to define the problem and gain a clearer
understanding of where it originates.</strong> </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Many people seek counseling because of symptoms they are
experiencing. These can include feeling sad, increased sleeping, substance use,
panic attacks, self-harm, isolating one’s self, academic decline, etc. Often
times, people are not aware of what is causing these symptoms. Having a
therapist to help guide and explore why the symptoms are occurring and where
they come from will give individuals increased insight and awareness into their
problems. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>2. Allows for a safe outlet to vent.</strong></font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Not everyone likes to share their problems with close
friends or family members. Maybe they don’t want others to know of their flaws.
Maybe they don’t want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they just
are not comfortable talking about themselves. And in some situations people do
not have the option of talking with someone they know because they have no
friends or family. While talking with those we know can help bring some relief
it is also nice to talk with someone like a therapist who is objective and
emotionally removed from given situations. Counseling gives a safe outlet in
which one can express their personal feelings and thoughts without feeling
judged.</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>3. Counselors can offer various problem solving solutions.</strong>
</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">A good therapist usually will not directly point their
client in the direction they need to go. Counseling is about growth and
teaching the client to identify triggers and use effective coping strategies
that will bring about emotional and psychological relief. Counselors will help
clients to explore the various options available in given situation, based on
the client’s needs, wants, and values and will help them to choose the option
that best fits with their desired outcome. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>4. Gives one the tools needed to cope with current and future
problems.</strong></font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Many individuals that seek therapy have never learned
good coping strategies. Perhaps they did not have parents or caretakers to
model productive ways to cope or maybe the symptoms they are suffering from are
overbearing and take away the energy needed to cope. Different diagnoses
require different tools; however some are beneficial for any problem and any
individual. These include but are not limited to relaxation techniques,
breathing exercises, development of healthy routines, using mindfulness,
improving communication skills, and recognizing and changing maladaptive
thought patterns. A good counselor will teach clients how to use these tools,
will often practice them during session, and will assign homework for further
practice and mastery of the skills.</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><br></p> </s> |
579d62d3188cd61c1684e827 | How can I make the voices stop? | I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.
I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-voices-stop | Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How is your life going overall?</p><p>Since you hear voices since you were young I wonder whether you mean the thoughts each of us has about what to do, our opinions, including self-criticism and praise.</p><p>I try to understand how severe a problem these voices are if you've managed to get to a point in life of awareness about the voices.</p><p>Usually when mental health people hear about voices the immediate thought is you need drugs bc you are psychotic.</p><p>Since this is going on for a number of years, I wonder if the problem is something different.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the voices stop? <</SYS>> I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.
I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop? [/INST] <p>How is your life going overall?</p><p>Since you hear voices since you were young I wonder whether you mean the thoughts each of us has about what to do, our opinions, including self-criticism and praise.</p><p>I try to understand how severe a problem these voices are if you've managed to get to a point in life of awareness about the voices.</p><p>Usually when mental health people hear about voices the immediate thought is you need drugs bc you are psychotic.</p><p>Since this is going on for a number of years, I wonder if the problem is something different.</p> </s> |
561f0697db761a811c20a298 | My best friend says she loves me but is talking to a random guy | I have been with my best friend for over a year, and we have had a beautiful baby girl. We were in love, and I still love her dearly. I am in my late teens and so is she. She says she has lost her connection with me. She is talking to a random guy that she says is just someone to talk to. But she says she still loves me. I'm very hurt and confused. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-best-friend-says-she-loves-me-but-is-talking-to-a-random-guy | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Congrats on having your daughter!</p><p>Have you told your partner about your feelings of "hurt and confused"?</p><p>This is one possible way of opening a conversation about the different ways you each feel about one another and whether either of you would like changing or continuing to live together, in light of the change in emotional connection.</p><p>The first step of having a dialogue about a relationship is being clear on what you are feeling, what you are willing to contribute to the relationship and what you would like having in return from your partner.</p><p>Ask your partner if she is willing to have a conversation on these topics. </p><p>Then, allow some time so each of you is clear about their own expectations and what is possible to offer the other.</p><p><br></p><p>This is a fairly complex process and very often is difficult to keep on track without outside help to keep the discussion focused.</p><p>It is normal for emotions to override our logic when discussing matters we care about deeply.</p><p>If the conversations don't go very far, or if your partner has no interest in talking, stick with your own interest to more fully understand matters.</p><p>Interview some therapists to find one whom you feel helps you clarify and find direction for yourself about this situation.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My best friend says she loves me but is talking to a random guy <</SYS>> I have been with my best friend for over a year, and we have had a beautiful baby girl. We were in love, and I still love her dearly. I am in my late teens and so is she. She says she has lost her connection with me. She is talking to a random guy that she says is just someone to talk to. But she says she still loves me. I'm very hurt and confused. [/INST] <p>Congrats on having your daughter!</p><p>Have you told your partner about your feelings of "hurt and confused"?</p><p>This is one possible way of opening a conversation about the different ways you each feel about one another and whether either of you would like changing or continuing to live together, in light of the change in emotional connection.</p><p>The first step of having a dialogue about a relationship is being clear on what you are feeling, what you are willing to contribute to the relationship and what you would like having in return from your partner.</p><p>Ask your partner if she is willing to have a conversation on these topics. </p><p>Then, allow some time so each of you is clear about their own expectations and what is possible to offer the other.</p><p><br></p><p>This is a fairly complex process and very often is difficult to keep on track without outside help to keep the discussion focused.</p><p>It is normal for emotions to override our logic when discussing matters we care about deeply.</p><p>If the conversations don't go very far, or if your partner has no interest in talking, stick with your own interest to more fully understand matters.</p><p>Interview some therapists to find one whom you feel helps you clarify and find direction for yourself about this situation.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Philip Kolba | https://counselchat.com/therapists/philip-kolba | <p>It's possible but challenging. Both partners need to be feel motivated enough to repair the relationship and dedicated to the work needed to address whatever underlying issues led to the serious breach of trust. For some people, cheating is an absolute deal breaker—for others, the context of the cheating allows them to see it as a mistake that they can forgive their partner for. So it depends on how you feel about the relationship and whether you want to put in the work to repair it.</p><p>If you're not sure how you feel, counseling can help you resolve the ambiguity, either individually or with your partner. Then, depending on what you decide, a counselor can help you either repair the relationship or decouple from your former partner.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? [/INST] <p>It's possible but challenging. Both partners need to be feel motivated enough to repair the relationship and dedicated to the work needed to address whatever underlying issues led to the serious breach of trust. For some people, cheating is an absolute deal breaker—for others, the context of the cheating allows them to see it as a mistake that they can forgive their partner for. So it depends on how you feel about the relationship and whether you want to put in the work to repair it.</p><p>If you're not sure how you feel, counseling can help you resolve the ambiguity, either individually or with your partner. Then, depending on what you decide, a counselor can help you either repair the relationship or decouple from your former partner.<br></p> </s> |
557ddc62b1b211b80376b675 | How do I fix my marriage? | My wife just last week said she wants a divorce and it's all sudden. I understand that marriages have their ups and downs but I don't understand why she can't tell me why she wants a divorce. Should I fight for my family (daughter and wife)? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fix-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationship Dissolution | Rebecca Duellman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman | <p>Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasn’t quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if she’s willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure you’re open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.</p><p>Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean you’re divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I fix my marriage? <</SYS>> My wife just last week said she wants a divorce and it's all sudden. I understand that marriages have their ups and downs but I don't understand why she can't tell me why she wants a divorce. Should I fight for my family (daughter and wife)? [/INST] <p>Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasn’t quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if she’s willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure you’re open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.</p><p>Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean you’re divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.</p> </s> |
56435c3f000d774453b67181 | What are the general prognosis for ultradian cycling bipolar to mix with coexisting mild borderline personality disorder, anxiety, PTSD | Current medications are: topamax, ativan, brintellix, lamictal, restoril, abilify, tx: long term dbt, cbt | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-general-prognosis-for-ultradian-cycling-bipolar-to-mix-with-coexisting-mild-borderline-personality-disorder-anxiety-ptsd | null | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | The general prognosis for anyone is good, so long as they have faith in their own ability to find the goodness in life.<div><br></div><div>From what you write, the professionals may have so much focus on the drugs they give you, that they have forgotten that you are a human being who has interests, opinions, feelings and thoughts.</div><div><br></div><div>The list of drugs you write sounds too long for anyone to reasonably need.</div><div><br></div><div>My best suggestion is to find a therapist who does talk therapy, not drug therapy.</div><div><br></div><div>Discussing your fears and anxieties in a protected, professional, confidential space, sounds like the first step to helping you believer your own conclusion about your well-being.</div><div><br></div><div>Taking a lot of drugs creates self-doubt and weakens the sense of self that people naturally have.</div><div><br></div><div>My wish for your future is to regain trust and confidence in yourself as a person, not a diagnosis who is told to take a lot of pills.</div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the general prognosis for ultradian cycling bipolar to mix with coexisting mild borderline personality disorder, anxiety, PTSD <</SYS>> Current medications are: topamax, ativan, brintellix, lamictal, restoril, abilify, tx: long term dbt, cbt [/INST] The general prognosis for anyone is good, so long as they have faith in their own ability to find the goodness in life.<div><br></div><div>From what you write, the professionals may have so much focus on the drugs they give you, that they have forgotten that you are a human being who has interests, opinions, feelings and thoughts.</div><div><br></div><div>The list of drugs you write sounds too long for anyone to reasonably need.</div><div><br></div><div>My best suggestion is to find a therapist who does talk therapy, not drug therapy.</div><div><br></div><div>Discussing your fears and anxieties in a protected, professional, confidential space, sounds like the first step to helping you believer your own conclusion about your well-being.</div><div><br></div><div>Taking a lot of drugs creates self-doubt and weakens the sense of self that people naturally have.</div><div><br></div><div>My wish for your future is to regain trust and confidence in yourself as a person, not a diagnosis who is told to take a lot of pills.</div> </s> |
56e1aa7b095966e22a8c14b3 | I feel guilty because I didn't say no to a guy's advances. | I was in a situation with a guy. He’s my brother’s friend and kind of like a brother to me. He invited me over to hang out, and then came on to me. I was instantly terrified to say no, and I gave in. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't figure out why I'm afraid to say no. This is giving me a lot of guilt and depression. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-guilty-because-i-didn-t-say-no-to-a-guy-s-advances | Depression | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Tennessee, There is nothing wrong with you. There are many good reasons why you didn't say no. You didn't say no because you were caught off guard and unprepared; there is no place in life that teaches girls or boys how to manage it when someone crashes a sexual boundary. You also live in a culture where girls are encouraged to be cooperative and not upset people, and to put the needs of other people first. You instinctively want people to like you, and people can be very coercive sexually. You said it yourself; you "gave in". He wore you down.</p><p>There's nothing wrong with you. It wasn't your job to say no. Women aren't the gatekeepers of male sexual urges. It was his job to get your consent first. He pressured you into it. </p><p>A good therapist would help you to dig deep and uncover all these barriers to saying no and more. If you said no, what might happen then? What might that mean about you? What are you avoiding feeling? Unloved, unwanted, cold? What would you have to believe in order to be confident enough to say no? That you didn't have to do anything you don't want to do? That you're special, or that sexuality is special? Would you need a better understanding of what sexual assault is? </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I love that you want to do some work here to strengthen your sexual boundaries, and I urge a widespread conversation about what consent it. Men and women of all ages could use more of this training. </span><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel guilty because I didn't say no to a guy's advances. <</SYS>> I was in a situation with a guy. He’s my brother’s friend and kind of like a brother to me. He invited me over to hang out, and then came on to me. I was instantly terrified to say no, and I gave in. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't figure out why I'm afraid to say no. This is giving me a lot of guilt and depression. [/INST] <p>Hi Tennessee, There is nothing wrong with you. There are many good reasons why you didn't say no. You didn't say no because you were caught off guard and unprepared; there is no place in life that teaches girls or boys how to manage it when someone crashes a sexual boundary. You also live in a culture where girls are encouraged to be cooperative and not upset people, and to put the needs of other people first. You instinctively want people to like you, and people can be very coercive sexually. You said it yourself; you "gave in". He wore you down.</p><p>There's nothing wrong with you. It wasn't your job to say no. Women aren't the gatekeepers of male sexual urges. It was his job to get your consent first. He pressured you into it. </p><p>A good therapist would help you to dig deep and uncover all these barriers to saying no and more. If you said no, what might happen then? What might that mean about you? What are you avoiding feeling? Unloved, unwanted, cold? What would you have to believe in order to be confident enough to say no? That you didn't have to do anything you don't want to do? That you're special, or that sexuality is special? Would you need a better understanding of what sexual assault is? </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I love that you want to do some work here to strengthen your sexual boundaries, and I urge a widespread conversation about what consent it. Men and women of all ages could use more of this training. </span><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
572c118baaeea25a1918b4c6 | How do I let go of someone who continues to hurt me | Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me.
He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-let-go-of-someone-who-continues-to-hurt-me | Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>First decide what you truly would like in the current relationship. Understand your reasons for staying in the relationship.</p><p>Three years is a substantial amount of time to be involved with someone. Whatever attachment you feel toward this man is deep and complex.</p><p>Instead of deciding to leave or not leave, change your question to figuring out your satisfactions and dissatisfaction with the man. </p><p>Also important is to tell the man your feelings.</p><p>Whatever problem you are feeling may become clarified by discussing what bothers you.</p><p>At the very least, you will give the guy a chance to show how interested he actually is in the tension you currently feel and have felt for a while.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I let go of someone who continues to hurt me <</SYS>> Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me.
He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go? [/INST] <p>First decide what you truly would like in the current relationship. Understand your reasons for staying in the relationship.</p><p>Three years is a substantial amount of time to be involved with someone. Whatever attachment you feel toward this man is deep and complex.</p><p>Instead of deciding to leave or not leave, change your question to figuring out your satisfactions and dissatisfaction with the man. </p><p>Also important is to tell the man your feelings.</p><p>Whatever problem you are feeling may become clarified by discussing what bothers you.</p><p>At the very least, you will give the guy a chance to show how interested he actually is in the tension you currently feel and have felt for a while.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Sally High | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sally-high-2 | <p>I always suggest that you find the right fit. You have every right to interview the therapist and ask as many questions as you need. It is our job as a therapist to explain our approach and philosophy. This gives you a good overview of the therapist. Just call and say that you would like to talk to the therapist. Say your interested in the services but unclear about how the process works. From there a seasoned therapist should be proficient in helping to guide you through the process with ease and comfort. </p><p><a href="www.lifecounselingorlando.com">www.lifecounselingorlando.com</a></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does someone approach a counselor? <</SYS>> How does a person start the counseling process? [/INST] <p>I always suggest that you find the right fit. You have every right to interview the therapist and ask as many questions as you need. It is our job as a therapist to explain our approach and philosophy. This gives you a good overview of the therapist. Just call and say that you would like to talk to the therapist. Say your interested in the services but unclear about how the process works. From there a seasoned therapist should be proficient in helping to guide you through the process with ease and comfort. </p><p><a href="www.lifecounselingorlando.com">www.lifecounselingorlando.com</a></p> </s> |
57329f7faaeea25a1918b652 | How can I manage my anxiety? | I have twin toddlers. I experienced a death of loved one prior to giving birth. I had a horrible break up with the father. People told him he was using me for money. My ex-boyfriend had extreme meltdowns every day for three years. I’m always alone with no friends. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-2 | Anxiety,Depression | Daniel Kelley-Petersen | https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen | <p>First, let me say that you are a survivor and a warrior. Managing 1 child by yourself is difficult, but twins is a whole different ballgame. Anxiety can affect us at any time anywhere. This is the challenge, especially when we have so many things to manage each day. There are several methods and practices that help manage and even reduce symptoms of anxiety. It will depend on what works best for you. Talk with friends, a counselor, or a loved one who can offer you support and feedback as you navigate this process of learning what works for you. When all else fails; make sure you are in a safe place, pause for a deep, cleansing breath in, a long exhale out, and ask yourself, "What do I want in this moment?" Now you can begin again.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I manage my anxiety? <</SYS>> I have twin toddlers. I experienced a death of loved one prior to giving birth. I had a horrible break up with the father. People told him he was using me for money. My ex-boyfriend had extreme meltdowns every day for three years. I’m always alone with no friends. [/INST] <p>First, let me say that you are a survivor and a warrior. Managing 1 child by yourself is difficult, but twins is a whole different ballgame. Anxiety can affect us at any time anywhere. This is the challenge, especially when we have so many things to manage each day. There are several methods and practices that help manage and even reduce symptoms of anxiety. It will depend on what works best for you. Talk with friends, a counselor, or a loved one who can offer you support and feedback as you navigate this process of learning what works for you. When all else fails; make sure you are in a safe place, pause for a deep, cleansing breath in, a long exhale out, and ask yourself, "What do I want in this moment?" Now you can begin again.<br></p> </s> |
5703cda5389d1f030997de5f | I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel. | I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-cheated-on-my-partner-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>I don't think there's anything that you're supposed to feel. Some people feel tremendously guilty when they cheat, and others not at all. It could be that your partner doesn't know about the cheating and you haven't had to face his/her emotions and reactions. When something we do is hidden...a secret...it's easier to avoid feeling guilty. I wonder if you're avoiding your own emotions. But let's put that question aside for now. There are better questions.</p><p>What do you want? Do you want your marriage? If not, this may be why you don't feel guilty. </p><p>Do you want to be able to sleep with your friend? It's unlikely that both are possible (keeping the marriage and the affair). Yes, you get to do whatever you want with your body...and...there may be consequences. Affairs almost always get discovered. </p><p>Who do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? What might your partner feel if they knew? How might you feel then? Would you care? Has something happened that's affected how much you care about your partner?</p><p>I suggest that these other questions might be a place to start. Exploring it with a therapist is something to consider maybe. I wish you the best as you sort it out. :)</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel. <</SYS>> I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like. [/INST] <p>I don't think there's anything that you're supposed to feel. Some people feel tremendously guilty when they cheat, and others not at all. It could be that your partner doesn't know about the cheating and you haven't had to face his/her emotions and reactions. When something we do is hidden...a secret...it's easier to avoid feeling guilty. I wonder if you're avoiding your own emotions. But let's put that question aside for now. There are better questions.</p><p>What do you want? Do you want your marriage? If not, this may be why you don't feel guilty. </p><p>Do you want to be able to sleep with your friend? It's unlikely that both are possible (keeping the marriage and the affair). Yes, you get to do whatever you want with your body...and...there may be consequences. Affairs almost always get discovered. </p><p>Who do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? What might your partner feel if they knew? How might you feel then? Would you care? Has something happened that's affected how much you care about your partner?</p><p>I suggest that these other questions might be a place to start. Exploring it with a therapist is something to consider maybe. I wish you the best as you sort it out. :)</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
55f7798d64addbfb68de8e00 | I feel really down all the time | I always feel like I'm not good enough and it literally is so hard living. I don't know how to talk to my parents about it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-really-down-all-the-time | Depression,Self-esteem | Mark Morris, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans | <p>Are you a teen? This is a really hard problem for more teens (and adults) than let on. When I was about 15, I remember asking my parent's friend, Herman, whether life gets any easier when you get older. He said the problems are actually harder, but you gain the ability to deal with them better. I've been an adult a long time now, and that is so true. </p><p>If you need someone to talk to, consider a teacher or a school guidance counselor or someone you respect, maybe in church. If they're good and they don't know how to help you, they may know how to get you to someone who can. </p><p>Also, the idea of not being "good enough" is a common psychological event. In CBT it's called a "core belief," but I call it a "core lie" in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human. If you are serious about changing yourself, read about it at www.LivingYes.org and pick up a copy there or on Amazon. </p><p>I hope this was helpful. The future is filled with possibility if we don't prejudge it! ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel really down all the time <</SYS>> I always feel like I'm not good enough and it literally is so hard living. I don't know how to talk to my parents about it. [/INST] <p>Are you a teen? This is a really hard problem for more teens (and adults) than let on. When I was about 15, I remember asking my parent's friend, Herman, whether life gets any easier when you get older. He said the problems are actually harder, but you gain the ability to deal with them better. I've been an adult a long time now, and that is so true. </p><p>If you need someone to talk to, consider a teacher or a school guidance counselor or someone you respect, maybe in church. If they're good and they don't know how to help you, they may know how to get you to someone who can. </p><p>Also, the idea of not being "good enough" is a common psychological event. In CBT it's called a "core belief," but I call it a "core lie" in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human. If you are serious about changing yourself, read about it at www.LivingYes.org and pick up a copy there or on Amazon. </p><p>I hope this was helpful. The future is filled with possibility if we don't prejudge it! ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)<br></p> </s> |
57451b1ac792dd6c7063e424 | How do I talk to my girlfriend about my anxiety from her exes? | My girlfriend remains friends with ex boyfriends/lovers on Facebook who actively like and comment on posts. It causes me to get jealous because I'm afraid they might reconnect somehow. I've attempted to talk to her about it, but she avoids it and doesn't seem to worry about how I feel about it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-talk-to-my-girlfriend-about-my-anxiety-from-her-exes | Intimacy,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Talking about it would probably be helpful if you're both in a place where you can decide when is best to talk about something that is important. It may also be helpful to ask if you could talk for two or three minutes to make a point and then have space for her to talk for the same amount of time. You can adjust the timing for what works for both of you. After one of you is talking, perhaps you could restate what you have heard the person say. This can lessen confusion.</p><p>I know you say that she avoids it. It might be a good place to start talking about it – to see what makes her avoid it. It could be that she thinks any discussion about them is going to lead to an argument or you saying that she can't talk to them. I don't know how you typically react when you are jealous, but if you can discuss talking about this in a way that you are both open to hearing what the other person is experiencing, that may be helpful as well.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I talk to my girlfriend about my anxiety from her exes? <</SYS>> My girlfriend remains friends with ex boyfriends/lovers on Facebook who actively like and comment on posts. It causes me to get jealous because I'm afraid they might reconnect somehow. I've attempted to talk to her about it, but she avoids it and doesn't seem to worry about how I feel about it. [/INST] <p>Talking about it would probably be helpful if you're both in a place where you can decide when is best to talk about something that is important. It may also be helpful to ask if you could talk for two or three minutes to make a point and then have space for her to talk for the same amount of time. You can adjust the timing for what works for both of you. After one of you is talking, perhaps you could restate what you have heard the person say. This can lessen confusion.</p><p>I know you say that she avoids it. It might be a good place to start talking about it – to see what makes her avoid it. It could be that she thinks any discussion about them is going to lead to an argument or you saying that she can't talk to them. I don't know how you typically react when you are jealous, but if you can discuss talking about this in a way that you are both open to hearing what the other person is experiencing, that may be helpful as well.</p> </s> |
5579d748a9732755160c6a6b | How do I deal with my son's violent thoughts and dreams? | My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help! | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-son-s-violent-thoughts-and-dreams | Anger Management,Sleep Improvement | Jorge Tovar | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jorge-tovar | <p>Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks. </p><p>I wont label this occurrences as "normal" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with my son's violent thoughts and dreams? <</SYS>> My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help! [/INST] <p>Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks. </p><p>I wont label this occurrences as "normal" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin. </p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Marquita Johnson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson | <p>I would be more concerned with how is this being addressed in therapy. Therapy can be a rewarding process, however often times we do not pay much attention to the messages being sent to our bodies. I believe in somatic therapy which deals with our mind & body connection. I would think it may not be a question of normal or abnormal however if it is impacting you then you must pay attention to that. It would be helpful to explore the feelings you're having with your therapist. It may be something that needs addressing to help alleviate those feelings or have a better understanding of why they are showing up when it is time for therapy. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>I would be more concerned with how is this being addressed in therapy. Therapy can be a rewarding process, however often times we do not pay much attention to the messages being sent to our bodies. I believe in somatic therapy which deals with our mind & body connection. I would think it may not be a question of normal or abnormal however if it is impacting you then you must pay attention to that. It would be helpful to explore the feelings you're having with your therapist. It may be something that needs addressing to help alleviate those feelings or have a better understanding of why they are showing up when it is time for therapy. </p> </s> |
57450e45c792dd6c7063e422 | How do I stop feeling so awful? | I'm not the same anymore, I don't know how to get back to who I am. I'm sad and confused and angry and tired. I don't sleep well. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-feeling-so-awful-2 | Depression,Sleep Improvement | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Being tired can really affect almost everyone's ability to work through things that make them sad, confused, or angry, among other emotions. If you're having difficulty sleeping, try to get into a habit of going to bed and waking up close to the same time every day. Also consider only using the bed for sleeping so your brain knows that it's time to sleep when you are in bed. If you are not sleeping while you are in bed, consider getting up and reading a book or doing something to make you tired before going back to bed. Hopefully you'll be able to establish a pattern.</p><p>Sometimes sadness and other emotions make sleeping very difficult as well. Try keeping track of your moods to see what is leading up to the changes.</p><p>If you're still struggling, consider talking with a therapist about the specifics and/or maybe talking with your primary care physician. There are natural sleep remedies that he or she may recommend for you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I stop feeling so awful? <</SYS>> I'm not the same anymore, I don't know how to get back to who I am. I'm sad and confused and angry and tired. I don't sleep well. [/INST] <p>Being tired can really affect almost everyone's ability to work through things that make them sad, confused, or angry, among other emotions. If you're having difficulty sleeping, try to get into a habit of going to bed and waking up close to the same time every day. Also consider only using the bed for sleeping so your brain knows that it's time to sleep when you are in bed. If you are not sleeping while you are in bed, consider getting up and reading a book or doing something to make you tired before going back to bed. Hopefully you'll be able to establish a pattern.</p><p>Sometimes sadness and other emotions make sleeping very difficult as well. Try keeping track of your moods to see what is leading up to the changes.</p><p>If you're still struggling, consider talking with a therapist about the specifics and/or maybe talking with your primary care physician. There are natural sleep remedies that he or she may recommend for you.</p> </s> |
574f8e65c792dd6c7063e57e | How can I tell my dad I'm a female-to-male transgender and I want to start binding? | I have known I was always different. This year, in December, I found out that I never felt female. I did research and have identified myself as male but don't know how to tell my dad. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-tell-my-dad-i-m-a-female-to-male-transgender-and-i-want-to-start-binding | Family Conflict,LGBTQ | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I admire your courage.</p><p>If you are concerned about telling your dad regarding your gender identity, I would suggest a couple of things. There are a lot of groups or other supports for people who are working through some of the same changes that you may be going through now. I don't mean to convey that everyone thinks, feels, or acts the same by any means, but rather that it may be helpful to talk to others who have had some similar experiences.</p><p>I was trying to include some links for you, but that particular button isn't functioning window. If you search for "transgender support" on Google, you'll find GLAAD and PFLAG, both of which are national organizations. This does not mean that you have to identify as "transgender," but researching that term may help you to find both national and local resources.</p><p>As far as telling your dad, if that is particularly concerning for you, I suggest either talking through the details with a local therapist or considering if you have a trusted friend or family member (one who will respect your privacy with regard to who you would like to know about what you are experiencing at this time) so that you can talk with some people to have support. This may help with two things: allowing you to find some support for yourself as you work through the changes that you are going through now and also possibly talking with someone who knows your dad and may be able to talk with you regarding how or when to tell him.</p><p>One thing that I tell anyone who wants to discuss something that is very important to them is to ask the person they want to talk to whether this is a good time for an important conversation. That way, you have greater chances of having the person's attention and/or not needing to end the conversation quickly. </p><p>Also, please remember that you know yourself best, as each of us does.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I tell my dad I'm a female-to-male transgender and I want to start binding? <</SYS>> I have known I was always different. This year, in December, I found out that I never felt female. I did research and have identified myself as male but don't know how to tell my dad. [/INST] <p>I admire your courage.</p><p>If you are concerned about telling your dad regarding your gender identity, I would suggest a couple of things. There are a lot of groups or other supports for people who are working through some of the same changes that you may be going through now. I don't mean to convey that everyone thinks, feels, or acts the same by any means, but rather that it may be helpful to talk to others who have had some similar experiences.</p><p>I was trying to include some links for you, but that particular button isn't functioning window. If you search for "transgender support" on Google, you'll find GLAAD and PFLAG, both of which are national organizations. This does not mean that you have to identify as "transgender," but researching that term may help you to find both national and local resources.</p><p>As far as telling your dad, if that is particularly concerning for you, I suggest either talking through the details with a local therapist or considering if you have a trusted friend or family member (one who will respect your privacy with regard to who you would like to know about what you are experiencing at this time) so that you can talk with some people to have support. This may help with two things: allowing you to find some support for yourself as you work through the changes that you are going through now and also possibly talking with someone who knows your dad and may be able to talk with you regarding how or when to tell him.</p><p>One thing that I tell anyone who wants to discuss something that is very important to them is to ask the person they want to talk to whether this is a good time for an important conversation. That way, you have greater chances of having the person's attention and/or not needing to end the conversation quickly. </p><p>Also, please remember that you know yourself best, as each of us does.</p> </s> |
572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed | My sister and my husband had an affair. | It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair | Family Conflict,Marriage | TINA R. DODSON | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tina-r-dodson | <p>A mediated safe talk session between. You and your sister.</p><p>Then, you and your husband have a mediated safe talk. S<span style="line-height: 1.42857143;">o both hear what you feel in the respective relationships. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857143;">Possibly the last step is a mediated safe talk with sister, husband and youcoversation, in the future.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My sister and my husband had an affair. <</SYS>> It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>A mediated safe talk session between. You and your sister.</p><p>Then, you and your husband have a mediated safe talk. S<span style="line-height: 1.42857143;">o both hear what you feel in the respective relationships. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857143;">Possibly the last step is a mediated safe talk with sister, husband and youcoversation, in the future.</span></p> </s> |
5663a2030901991a77b20868 | What makes my husband so selfish when it comes to my feelings? | If I tell him I don't like certain things, he does when it pertains to me. He tells me it's not like that. He never has anything to say about me until I tell him something about himself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-my-husband-so-selfish-when-it-comes-to-my-feelings | Marriage | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband. Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up. It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using "I" statements (I feel----when you---). This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person. If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What makes my husband so selfish when it comes to my feelings? <</SYS>> If I tell him I don't like certain things, he does when it pertains to me. He tells me it's not like that. He never has anything to say about me until I tell him something about himself. [/INST] <p>It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband. Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up. It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using "I" statements (I feel----when you---). This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person. If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective. </p> </s> |
55ee8849f6e37aad31436568 | My relationship feels off and I feel insecure | My girlfriend's grandma passed away 5 months ago. They were very close. She took care of her till she died. Things kinda returned to normal few weeks later. Last month it feels like we hit a brick wall. Intimacy fell off. I asked what's up. She says she can't connect with anyone and that it's not me. She used to be very open and expressive. Now she gives short answers and has no interest in sex or any touching. When we did have sex in the last month, something felt really off. Now I'm very insecure about us and have thoughts of her cheating. She says otherwise, but I don't know. It just feels like something is really off. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-relationship-feels-off-and-i-feel-insecure | Relationships | Britta Neinast | https://counselchat.com/therapists/britta-neinast-valparaiso | <p><span style='color: rgb(85, 85, 85);float: none;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);'>Grief has a huge impact on us and everyone's reaction is different. The one common reaction however is to shut down and distance ourselves. Her relationship with her grandmother was close, given she took care of her up until she passed. It sounds like she is working through a difficult loss and her ability to connect with you, or anyone else, is likely low right now. Trust what she is telling you and try to be there for her as she works through it. If she finds it too difficult to connect again, a good grief counselor can help her get back on track.</span><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My relationship feels off and I feel insecure <</SYS>> My girlfriend's grandma passed away 5 months ago. They were very close. She took care of her till she died. Things kinda returned to normal few weeks later. Last month it feels like we hit a brick wall. Intimacy fell off. I asked what's up. She says she can't connect with anyone and that it's not me. She used to be very open and expressive. Now she gives short answers and has no interest in sex or any touching. When we did have sex in the last month, something felt really off. Now I'm very insecure about us and have thoughts of her cheating. She says otherwise, but I don't know. It just feels like something is really off. [/INST] <p><span style='color: rgb(85, 85, 85);float: none;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);'>Grief has a huge impact on us and everyone's reaction is different. The one common reaction however is to shut down and distance ourselves. Her relationship with her grandmother was close, given she took care of her up until she passed. It sounds like she is working through a difficult loss and her ability to connect with you, or anyone else, is likely low right now. Trust what she is telling you and try to be there for her as she works through it. If she finds it too difficult to connect again, a good grief counselor can help her get back on track.</span><br></p> </s> |
56953b7771d735d63910efb8 | Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder? | I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? | https://counselchat.com/questions/could-a-car-accident-add-more-problems-to-my-posttraumatic-stress-disorder | Trauma,Military Issues | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>You are right on to recognize that the effects of trauma can be cumulative. It is very possible that a car accident could lead to an increase in PTSD symptoms that were related to other traumatic experiences.</p><p>If you have been deployed to a combat area, you are most likely eligible for free counseling services through the VA Vet Centers. The Vet Center clinicians typically have a lot of experience working with military trauma. Here's a link to a directory of Vet Centers:</p><p>http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter.asp<br></p><p>Your service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder? <</SYS>> I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? [/INST] <p>You are right on to recognize that the effects of trauma can be cumulative. It is very possible that a car accident could lead to an increase in PTSD symptoms that were related to other traumatic experiences.</p><p>If you have been deployed to a combat area, you are most likely eligible for free counseling services through the VA Vet Centers. The Vet Center clinicians typically have a lot of experience working with military trauma. Here's a link to a directory of Vet Centers:</p><p>http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter.asp<br></p><p>Your service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated. </p> </s> |
5764a5c4ca5745ed07aa14ce | My friend had lied about every aspect of her life—what do I do? | She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friend-had-lied-about-every-aspect-of-her-life-what-do-i-do | Social Relationships,Intimacy | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p>Have an honest and open conversation with her about how her behavior is negatively impacting you ( and others). You will feel good knowing you did the right thing. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My friend had lied about every aspect of her life—what do I do? <</SYS>> She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives. [/INST] <p>Have an honest and open conversation with her about how her behavior is negatively impacting you ( and others). You will feel good knowing you did the right thing. </p> </s> |
55806432a29507431fcd9ebe | How do I stop my step child from hurting my biological child? | What makes my step child, an 8 year old boy, choke my daughter, a 6 year old girl? This has been going on for 4 years. The boy tells my daughter not to tell on him. He knows it's wrong; we have did time out, spanking, taking away toys, and sitting on the wall. I am afraid for my daughters safety! | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-my-step-child-from-hurting-my-biological-child | Anger Management,Parenting | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>I can see why you are alarmed. That is a scary situation for a parent. Do you know if the child has been evaluated by a mental health professional? Early treatment is often the key. A professional will be able to help the child learn how to control their anger and mend the troublesome actions into more appropriate responses. </p><p>Have you addressed your concerns with the child's other parent? There could be contributing factors in his life that could be causing these issues (exposure to violence, sexual/physical abuse, drug use, stressful events in his life, etc.). It is important that these factors are identified so that they can either be eliminated and/or reduced. </p><p><span>I wouldn't hesitate to have him evaluated (if he hasn't been already) and to ensure that he is getting the help that he needs whether it be medication and/or therapy. Until then, I would make sure that he is always supervised under an adult's care.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I stop my step child from hurting my biological child? <</SYS>> What makes my step child, an 8 year old boy, choke my daughter, a 6 year old girl? This has been going on for 4 years. The boy tells my daughter not to tell on him. He knows it's wrong; we have did time out, spanking, taking away toys, and sitting on the wall. I am afraid for my daughters safety! [/INST] <p>I can see why you are alarmed. That is a scary situation for a parent. Do you know if the child has been evaluated by a mental health professional? Early treatment is often the key. A professional will be able to help the child learn how to control their anger and mend the troublesome actions into more appropriate responses. </p><p>Have you addressed your concerns with the child's other parent? There could be contributing factors in his life that could be causing these issues (exposure to violence, sexual/physical abuse, drug use, stressful events in his life, etc.). It is important that these factors are identified so that they can either be eliminated and/or reduced. </p><p><span>I wouldn't hesitate to have him evaluated (if he hasn't been already) and to ensure that he is getting the help that he needs whether it be medication and/or therapy. Until then, I would make sure that he is always supervised under an adult's care.</span></p> </s> |
5571cff7a03de6c365f45bff | I'm losing my husband because my lack of sex drive | I have no sex drive due to medical issues. I’ve shut down completely and closed everyone out. I’ve even told my husband that I wanted a divorce since that’s what I thought he wanted to hear. However, it devastated me when I learned he's seeing someone else.
I’ve since told him that I wanted to work things out but he’s not sure I actually mean it. He thinks the only reason I want him back is because I’m jealous. How do I show him I’m serious? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-losing-my-husband-because-my-lack-of-sex-drive | Marriage,Intimacy | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. My heart goes out to you during this time.</p><p>First of all, it is of vital importance that you discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Regardless of whether you are able to mend your relationship with your husband, you need to address the physical issues you are experiencing. More than likely he/she will be able to help you relieve some of these symptoms.</p><p>Secondly, you must be upfront and honest with your husband. Intimacy is a large part of a relationship and it is unfair to your husband that you did not disclose how you were feeling. I think he would appreciate knowing that it was your medical problems causing the lack of sexual desire as opposed to the reason being him.</p><p>If you explain to him that you are addressing your sexual issues with your doctor in order to enhance your relationship, he may be more willing to see that you are serious in wanting to mend the relationship. </p><p>The conversation will be hard to explain to your doctor and your husband since it is of such a personal nature but it will be extremely beneficial. And please note that the reason for the feelings you were experiencing (or lack thereof), was not your fault.</p><p>Best of luck to you and your husband!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm losing my husband because my lack of sex drive <</SYS>> I have no sex drive due to medical issues. I’ve shut down completely and closed everyone out. I’ve even told my husband that I wanted a divorce since that’s what I thought he wanted to hear. However, it devastated me when I learned he's seeing someone else.
I’ve since told him that I wanted to work things out but he’s not sure I actually mean it. He thinks the only reason I want him back is because I’m jealous. How do I show him I’m serious? [/INST] <p>I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. My heart goes out to you during this time.</p><p>First of all, it is of vital importance that you discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Regardless of whether you are able to mend your relationship with your husband, you need to address the physical issues you are experiencing. More than likely he/she will be able to help you relieve some of these symptoms.</p><p>Secondly, you must be upfront and honest with your husband. Intimacy is a large part of a relationship and it is unfair to your husband that you did not disclose how you were feeling. I think he would appreciate knowing that it was your medical problems causing the lack of sexual desire as opposed to the reason being him.</p><p>If you explain to him that you are addressing your sexual issues with your doctor in order to enhance your relationship, he may be more willing to see that you are serious in wanting to mend the relationship. </p><p>The conversation will be hard to explain to your doctor and your husband since it is of such a personal nature but it will be extremely beneficial. And please note that the reason for the feelings you were experiencing (or lack thereof), was not your fault.</p><p>Best of luck to you and your husband!</p> </s> |
572d13e2aaeea25a1918b538 | Is there anything I can do to help my siblings escape our emotionally abusive father? | I'm in college currently, so I am not a direct victim anymore. My father is very abusive with his words and actions, and my siblings are getting treated horribly. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-to-help-my-siblings-escape-our-emotionally-abusive-father | Family Conflict,Domestic Violence | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Yes you can help! Emotional and verbal abuse can cause a negative impact in your family. It is important that you encourage your siblings to seek assistance with a therapist, and maybe help them find one, they should have school counselors available and if not our college counselor may help you to get referrals. It’s also a good idea to talk to your mom about the issue and ask her if she would like help as well. If you are concerned about your siblings' safety, contact Family Protective Services in your state, they will investigate and refer your father to classes or therapy as needed. It takes courage to do the right thing, you can do this!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: normal; font-size: 16pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 78, 121);">¿Hay algo que pueda hacer para ayudar a mis herma</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: normal; font-size: 16pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 78, 121);">nos a escapar de nuestro emocionalmente abusivo padre?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Actualmente estoy en la universidad, así que no soy victima directamente. Mi padre es muy abusivo con sus palabras y acciones, y trata a mis hermanos horriblemente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; color: inherit;">¡Tu si puedes ayudar! El abuso emocional y verbal puede causar daños graves en la familia. Es importante que motives a tus hermanos a visitar e incluso encontrar a un terapista, la escuela debe tener uno disponible, y también puedes pedirle referidos a tu Consejero universitario. También es buena idea que hables con tu mama al respecto y le preguntes si a ella le gustaría buscar ayuda. Si te preocupa la seguridad de tus hermanos, contacta a el Departamento de Protección a la Familia en tu estado para reportar el abuso. Ellos investigaran y determinaran si el hogar es un ambiente seguro par tus hermanos y recomendaran terapia o clases para tu papa. Hay que ser valiente para hacer lo correcto, ¡tú puedes hacerlo!</span></p></h1> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is there anything I can do to help my siblings escape our emotionally abusive father? <</SYS>> I'm in college currently, so I am not a direct victim anymore. My father is very abusive with his words and actions, and my siblings are getting treated horribly. [/INST] <h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Yes you can help! Emotional and verbal abuse can cause a negative impact in your family. It is important that you encourage your siblings to seek assistance with a therapist, and maybe help them find one, they should have school counselors available and if not our college counselor may help you to get referrals. It’s also a good idea to talk to your mom about the issue and ask her if she would like help as well. If you are concerned about your siblings' safety, contact Family Protective Services in your state, they will investigate and refer your father to classes or therapy as needed. It takes courage to do the right thing, you can do this!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: normal; font-size: 16pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 78, 121);">¿Hay algo que pueda hacer para ayudar a mis herma</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: normal; font-size: 16pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 78, 121);">nos a escapar de nuestro emocionalmente abusivo padre?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Actualmente estoy en la universidad, así que no soy victima directamente. Mi padre es muy abusivo con sus palabras y acciones, y trata a mis hermanos horriblemente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; color: inherit;">¡Tu si puedes ayudar! El abuso emocional y verbal puede causar daños graves en la familia. Es importante que motives a tus hermanos a visitar e incluso encontrar a un terapista, la escuela debe tener uno disponible, y también puedes pedirle referidos a tu Consejero universitario. También es buena idea que hables con tu mama al respecto y le preguntes si a ella le gustaría buscar ayuda. Si te preocupa la seguridad de tus hermanos, contacta a el Departamento de Protección a la Familia en tu estado para reportar el abuso. Ellos investigaran y determinaran si el hogar es un ambiente seguro par tus hermanos y recomendaran terapia o clases para tu papa. Hay que ser valiente para hacer lo correcto, ¡tú puedes hacerlo!</span></p></h1> </s> |
561ef80fdb761a811c20a293 | My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us | I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-says-he-needs-time-to-think-about-us | Relationships | Mark Morris, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans | <p>This seems like two questions. The first is what may have happened to prompt him to back off. The second is what it means to you to have a boyfriend who takes anti-depression medication who says he has "a lot on his mind." Both give you opportunity to look at yourself. </p><p>Having expectations can be a huge trap. I write about this extensively in the first chapter of my book Living Yes (www.LivingYes.org). Is there any way that you can enjoy your time together without expecting anything down the road? Are there wonderful lessons for you to take from the relationship - even if it only lasts three weeks? Can you create a mindset of gratitude for what is and let the future expectations (and future demands) go? Are there new ways to communicate that might bring you together? What are the lessons for you about allowing the relationship to develop its own course on its own time? Again, let go of all expectations, and see what happens. That's what "Living Yes" requires.</p><p>I am sure this will work out well for you - either with him or without him. ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us <</SYS>> I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. [/INST] <p>This seems like two questions. The first is what may have happened to prompt him to back off. The second is what it means to you to have a boyfriend who takes anti-depression medication who says he has "a lot on his mind." Both give you opportunity to look at yourself. </p><p>Having expectations can be a huge trap. I write about this extensively in the first chapter of my book Living Yes (www.LivingYes.org). Is there any way that you can enjoy your time together without expecting anything down the road? Are there wonderful lessons for you to take from the relationship - even if it only lasts three weeks? Can you create a mindset of gratitude for what is and let the future expectations (and future demands) go? Are there new ways to communicate that might bring you together? What are the lessons for you about allowing the relationship to develop its own course on its own time? Again, let go of all expectations, and see what happens. That's what "Living Yes" requires.</p><p>I am sure this will work out well for you - either with him or without him. ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p><p><br></p> </s> |
577e4d0b7fe85f1465e2006e | My girlfriend can't stand it when I touch her. | My girlfriend was abused as a child. Now, if I hug or touch her in any kind of way she says she feels as if she is being abused as a child. What might be going on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-girlfriend-can-t-stand-it-when-i-touch-her | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Trauma | Sarah McIntyre | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre | Thank you for your question. I think it's wonderful that you are approaching this with openness and curiosity. <div><br></div><div>The reaction you are describing is extremely common in survivors of abuse. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">What you said is insightful...when you touch her "she feels as if she is being abused as a child." From your description, I would agree that in those moments she is re-experiencing something that happened in the past as if it is happening right now. Re-experiencing or </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">reliving</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> traumatic experiences is a key symptom of PTSD.</span><div><br></div><div>If you are seeking to better understand what is going on for her, I would highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's book <span style="font-style: italic;">the Body Keeps the Score. </span>This book also discusses effective treatments for overcoming trauma. </div></div><div><br></div><div>Best of luck to both of you,</div><div>Sarah</div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My girlfriend can't stand it when I touch her. <</SYS>> My girlfriend was abused as a child. Now, if I hug or touch her in any kind of way she says she feels as if she is being abused as a child. What might be going on? [/INST] Thank you for your question. I think it's wonderful that you are approaching this with openness and curiosity. <div><br></div><div>The reaction you are describing is extremely common in survivors of abuse. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">What you said is insightful...when you touch her "she feels as if she is being abused as a child." From your description, I would agree that in those moments she is re-experiencing something that happened in the past as if it is happening right now. Re-experiencing or </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">reliving</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> traumatic experiences is a key symptom of PTSD.</span><div><br></div><div>If you are seeking to better understand what is going on for her, I would highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's book <span style="font-style: italic;">the Body Keeps the Score. </span>This book also discusses effective treatments for overcoming trauma. </div></div><div><br></div><div>Best of luck to both of you,</div><div>Sarah</div> </s> |
55e1dac4a4803564117ec2f4 | How do I become more open minded or less irritable and happier? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-become-more-open-minded-or-less-irritable-and-happier | Self-esteem,Spirituality | Deana Bieker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/deana-bieker | <p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I become more open minded or less irritable and happier? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p><br></p> </s> |
5798080cb43cd7825e26e250 | Why do I feel sad all the time? | I just feel sad all the time and I don't like anyone in my family. I feel like they're trying to control me and won't let me grow. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-sad-all-the-time | Family Conflict,Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Understandably the idea of someone who tries to control you, is good reason to feel sad.</p><p>Your feelings sound like they are very strong and meaningful in your life.<br></p><p><br></p><p>Keep in mind that your feelings about others has more to do with one's own self-view than with what the other person is actually doing.</p><p>Unless the people in your family are actually interrupting and impeding your life in practical ways or by intimidation or other verbal ways to inhibit you, then there is a great chance your feelings of being controlled by other family members has more to do with your fears to be who you are than with any family members' actions.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel sad all the time? <</SYS>> I just feel sad all the time and I don't like anyone in my family. I feel like they're trying to control me and won't let me grow. [/INST] <p>Understandably the idea of someone who tries to control you, is good reason to feel sad.</p><p>Your feelings sound like they are very strong and meaningful in your life.<br></p><p><br></p><p>Keep in mind that your feelings about others has more to do with one's own self-view than with what the other person is actually doing.</p><p>Unless the people in your family are actually interrupting and impeding your life in practical ways or by intimidation or other verbal ways to inhibit you, then there is a great chance your feelings of being controlled by other family members has more to do with your fears to be who you are than with any family members' actions.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
58d18b6498741803743bf7df | How can I cope with work related stress better? | I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better | Stress,Workplace Relationships | Jenifer Finkelstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein | It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little, if no job satisfaction. There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not. What type of work do you typically enjoy? Do you enjoy high stress work? What keeps you in this job? Is there a reason you have stayed? Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with? <div>I recommend a few things. For one, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay. </div><div>Another option, if you are unable to have an open conversation, you can start to look at an ideal work situation, what would you like/ be OK with/ absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications. </div><div>If you are unable to leave your job, you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work. Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more. </div><div>I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret. </div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I cope with work related stress better? <</SYS>> I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? [/INST] It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little, if no job satisfaction. There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not. What type of work do you typically enjoy? Do you enjoy high stress work? What keeps you in this job? Is there a reason you have stayed? Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with? <div>I recommend a few things. For one, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay. </div><div>Another option, if you are unable to have an open conversation, you can start to look at an ideal work situation, what would you like/ be OK with/ absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications. </div><div>If you are unable to leave your job, you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work. Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more. </div><div>I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret. </div> </s> |
5769f3bd008fce8e73e1ebfd | How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic | Addiction,Substance Abuse | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Basically, being an alcoholic means that someone really depends upon alcohol and does not function well or becomes sick if they do not have it.</p><p>There is also this acronym that may help:</p><ol><li>Have you ever felt you needed to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cut</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">down </span>on your drinking?</li><li>Have people <span style="font-weight: bold;">Annoyed </span>you by criticizing your drinking?</li><li>Have you ever felt <span style="font-weight: bold;">Guilty </span>about drinking?</li><li>Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (<span style="font-weight: bold;">Eye-opener</span>) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?</li></ol><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There is an online assessment from the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test There is other information on this site as well.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Basically, being an alcoholic means that someone really depends upon alcohol and does not function well or becomes sick if they do not have it.</p><p>There is also this acronym that may help:</p><ol><li>Have you ever felt you needed to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cut</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">down </span>on your drinking?</li><li>Have people <span style="font-weight: bold;">Annoyed </span>you by criticizing your drinking?</li><li>Have you ever felt <span style="font-weight: bold;">Guilty </span>about drinking?</li><li>Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (<span style="font-weight: bold;">Eye-opener</span>) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?</li></ol><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There is an online assessment from the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test There is other information on this site as well.</span></p> </s> |
58c9c85398741803743bf6e9 | My daughter isn't acting her age. | My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.
Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age | Parenting,Children & Adolescents | Elissa Gross | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross | <p>Hello.</p><p>It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior . It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on . You are clearly an observant and hands on mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.</p><p><br></p><p>This is a tough question to answer without more information . With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress." In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress . Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ? This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends . Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence . I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently. You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .</p><p>I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her. Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately . Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " </p><p>If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself . I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" </p><p><br></p><p>If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors , any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. </p><p><br></p><p>Good luck! I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior. I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this if you can get to the bottom of what's going on . </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My daughter isn't acting her age. <</SYS>> My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.
Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal? [/INST] <p>Hello.</p><p>It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior . It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on . You are clearly an observant and hands on mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.</p><p><br></p><p>This is a tough question to answer without more information . With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress." In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress . Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ? This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends . Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence . I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently. You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .</p><p>I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her. Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately . Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " </p><p>If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself . I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" </p><p><br></p><p>If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors , any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. </p><p><br></p><p>Good luck! I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior. I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this if you can get to the bottom of what's going on . </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
56783bf47884f6fc6f1c5247 | My husband doesn't include me in the family. | I've been hurt by a man for five years. He doesn't involve me with the family or kids. Everyone in the family is against me. There is a Mass today for a family member, and he never asked me to go. I'm to sit home alone now and Christmas too. He expects me to sit alone while he enjoys being with the family. We are in our 50s, and it hurts that he won't even think of me or involve me as part of the family. He doesn't even care. I am leaving him as soon as possible, but I hurt so bad that I didn't know who to turn too. I'm now in this low funk of depression, and I'm scared because I do stupid things to myself and give up. I have no friends because I was a truck driver. I've been getting serious headaches and can't sleep. I don't eat; I've lost my appetite. This has been going on for a couple weeks now. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-doesn-t-include-me-in-the-family | Marriage,Family Conflict | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Florida,</p><p>I get the sense that, aside from this relationship, you're quite isolated in general. It's sad that you're feeling excluded at Christmastime and family events. While I would suggest that you don't really know what he or his family are thinking or feeling (you assume they're against you, and that he doesn't care), he is certainly behaving in a very distant, excluding manner and it's understandable that you would feel rejected and hurt. </p><p>How long has this part been happening? Has he always acted this way, or is it more recent? Did something happen recently? You mentioned doing "stupid things to yourself", and I don't know what that means. If you are engaging in self-harm he may be confused about what to do and he might need some time to think and be separate but is having trouble talking about this. Part of the problem, of course, is that you don't know what's going on for him. Certainly, you deserve the truth, and if he doesn't want to spend time with you, I would hope he would be honest. Have you been open to hearing the truth from him? Is there any reason for him to hesitate to tell you why he's being distant? Maybe you could ask him, if you are ready to hear.</p><p>I'm glad to hear that you believe that you deserve a full, loving relationship, although it seems that moving forward might be difficult for you. Is it possible your happiness is a bit too dependant on this man? I'm just guessing, based on what you've said here. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It seems that it's possible your situation has led to some depression, and I would recommend a session with a qualified therapist to help you sort this out. You will need support, even if the relationship is repaired. Best of luck. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband doesn't include me in the family. <</SYS>> I've been hurt by a man for five years. He doesn't involve me with the family or kids. Everyone in the family is against me. There is a Mass today for a family member, and he never asked me to go. I'm to sit home alone now and Christmas too. He expects me to sit alone while he enjoys being with the family. We are in our 50s, and it hurts that he won't even think of me or involve me as part of the family. He doesn't even care. I am leaving him as soon as possible, but I hurt so bad that I didn't know who to turn too. I'm now in this low funk of depression, and I'm scared because I do stupid things to myself and give up. I have no friends because I was a truck driver. I've been getting serious headaches and can't sleep. I don't eat; I've lost my appetite. This has been going on for a couple weeks now. [/INST] <p>Hi Florida,</p><p>I get the sense that, aside from this relationship, you're quite isolated in general. It's sad that you're feeling excluded at Christmastime and family events. While I would suggest that you don't really know what he or his family are thinking or feeling (you assume they're against you, and that he doesn't care), he is certainly behaving in a very distant, excluding manner and it's understandable that you would feel rejected and hurt. </p><p>How long has this part been happening? Has he always acted this way, or is it more recent? Did something happen recently? You mentioned doing "stupid things to yourself", and I don't know what that means. If you are engaging in self-harm he may be confused about what to do and he might need some time to think and be separate but is having trouble talking about this. Part of the problem, of course, is that you don't know what's going on for him. Certainly, you deserve the truth, and if he doesn't want to spend time with you, I would hope he would be honest. Have you been open to hearing the truth from him? Is there any reason for him to hesitate to tell you why he's being distant? Maybe you could ask him, if you are ready to hear.</p><p>I'm glad to hear that you believe that you deserve a full, loving relationship, although it seems that moving forward might be difficult for you. Is it possible your happiness is a bit too dependant on this man? I'm just guessing, based on what you've said here. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It seems that it's possible your situation has led to some depression, and I would recommend a session with a qualified therapist to help you sort this out. You will need support, even if the relationship is repaired. Best of luck. </span></p> </s> |
5752534dc792dd6c7063e5db | What does it mean that I feel like different genders? | I was born a girl. I look like a boy. I sometimes feel like a different variation of gender. I don't know what to say if someone asks my gender. I just get really confused and usually say my birth gender. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-does-it-mean-that-i-feel-like-different-genders | LGBTQ | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you're feeling like your gender is different than the gender you are born with, and there are many different terms to help describe that. Gender is actually looked at on a spectrum. Transgender is just one of those terms, but looking at the information here may help: <a href="http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender">http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender</a>. I'm not saying that you should use the term transgender to describe yourself because that may not accurately describe what you are experiencing, but I'm just trying to point you to some more resources.</p><p>As for what to say to someone who asks your gender, that becomes a question with a lot of different parts. This is probably something that would be best talked out with someone else who you trust. I don't know whether that is your family, friends, and mental health professional, and member of the clergy, or someone else. There are many different things than you could say and they are all related to how much you already to share with other people about how you feel regarding your gender.</p><p>Generally, I would suggest it would be important to become comfortable with how you feel yourself and possibly tell some people whom you really trust first. Also consider that once you tell someone something, it's not possible to undo it, so if you tell someone, they may tell someone else. Then there is also the matter of people having very different reactions related to different genders and not everyone will be supportive. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with some people who are willing to understand and work through this with you so that you have some ideas how to react if you come across someone who does not understand.</p><p>Please remember that there is always someone to talk with.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What does it mean that I feel like different genders? <</SYS>> I was born a girl. I look like a boy. I sometimes feel like a different variation of gender. I don't know what to say if someone asks my gender. I just get really confused and usually say my birth gender. [/INST] <p>If you're feeling like your gender is different than the gender you are born with, and there are many different terms to help describe that. Gender is actually looked at on a spectrum. Transgender is just one of those terms, but looking at the information here may help: <a href="http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender">http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender</a>. I'm not saying that you should use the term transgender to describe yourself because that may not accurately describe what you are experiencing, but I'm just trying to point you to some more resources.</p><p>As for what to say to someone who asks your gender, that becomes a question with a lot of different parts. This is probably something that would be best talked out with someone else who you trust. I don't know whether that is your family, friends, and mental health professional, and member of the clergy, or someone else. There are many different things than you could say and they are all related to how much you already to share with other people about how you feel regarding your gender.</p><p>Generally, I would suggest it would be important to become comfortable with how you feel yourself and possibly tell some people whom you really trust first. Also consider that once you tell someone something, it's not possible to undo it, so if you tell someone, they may tell someone else. Then there is also the matter of people having very different reactions related to different genders and not everyone will be supportive. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with some people who are willing to understand and work through this with you so that you have some ideas how to react if you come across someone who does not understand.</p><p>Please remember that there is always someone to talk with.</p> </s> |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>Hi there, </p><p>There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship. The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to be fully processed. All of these things could happen, and usually happen organically (again, except for the last example). </p><p>Your question, however, was about the counselor ending treatment. This is a bit more difficult and can be very nerve-wracking. It may be beneficial to take this with you to supervision, as well. It's important to understand why you feel the need to end or terminate with the client, as well. Do you feel that they would be better suited for another therapist, have they achieved their goals or is it something else?</p><p>In regular, open-ended sessions, I try to make a point of checking in with the clients fairly frequently. In these check-ins, I use the time to ask the client how they feel about the sessions and if there is anything they wish to focus on more astutely. I also ask if they have any immediate goals that they would like to prioritize. In goal-oriented sessions, I check in more frequently to ensure that both the client and I remain focused and, should they wish to shift their focus, that they recognize it is part of my responsibilities to make sure we move back to the desired goal. </p><p>Often, especially in longer term therapeutic relationships, we as clinicians can see that the client has reached their goal, however they are apprehensive about ending therapy. This is actually a great place to go with them; why would they feel unable to handle issues in their external or internal environment without you? Often, having this open discussion can increase empowerment and mastery. That said, it could also highlight other issues which the client may have been apprehensive about going into within therapy and now, as the relationship seems to be ending, feels more confident in bringing these up. </p><p>In the case where the relationship is a toxic one, terminating with a client may be the best option for both of you. It's a difficult conversation, but recall that part of the role of the therapist is to model that these discomforts can be managed. </p><p>I hope that this brief response can assist you going forward!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] <p>Hi there, </p><p>There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship. The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to be fully processed. All of these things could happen, and usually happen organically (again, except for the last example). </p><p>Your question, however, was about the counselor ending treatment. This is a bit more difficult and can be very nerve-wracking. It may be beneficial to take this with you to supervision, as well. It's important to understand why you feel the need to end or terminate with the client, as well. Do you feel that they would be better suited for another therapist, have they achieved their goals or is it something else?</p><p>In regular, open-ended sessions, I try to make a point of checking in with the clients fairly frequently. In these check-ins, I use the time to ask the client how they feel about the sessions and if there is anything they wish to focus on more astutely. I also ask if they have any immediate goals that they would like to prioritize. In goal-oriented sessions, I check in more frequently to ensure that both the client and I remain focused and, should they wish to shift their focus, that they recognize it is part of my responsibilities to make sure we move back to the desired goal. </p><p>Often, especially in longer term therapeutic relationships, we as clinicians can see that the client has reached their goal, however they are apprehensive about ending therapy. This is actually a great place to go with them; why would they feel unable to handle issues in their external or internal environment without you? Often, having this open discussion can increase empowerment and mastery. That said, it could also highlight other issues which the client may have been apprehensive about going into within therapy and now, as the relationship seems to be ending, feels more confident in bringing these up. </p><p>In the case where the relationship is a toxic one, terminating with a client may be the best option for both of you. It's a difficult conversation, but recall that part of the role of the therapist is to model that these discomforts can be managed. </p><p>I hope that this brief response can assist you going forward!</p> </s> |
5835e5b5950e2507cf23dc6a | I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter. | There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.
She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-how-to-communicate-with-my-adult-daughter | Family Conflict,Relationships,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry for what sounds like a frustrating situation.</p><p>For how long has your daughter lived the way you describe and did it start all of a sudden or more gradually come on?</p><p>What you write sounds like a major depressive disorder and this can start for a variety of reasons and improve in just as many different ways.</p><p>Start with how you are feeling about the situation. </p><p>Ask yourself for how long you will be able to tolerate the way your daughter lives and if you feel any satisfaction in your mother daughter relationship.</p><p>If she is of legal age, and you don't want her to live with you, you've tried convincing her to get medical care for its own sake and to more clearly see her emotional and psychological health, and she is unwilling to take care of herself, you can discuss your options with the adult protective services agency in your state.</p><p>The first step is to know what exactly is her problem so you can decide if its own you are willing to take care of or not.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter. <</SYS>> There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.
She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her? [/INST] <p>I'm sorry for what sounds like a frustrating situation.</p><p>For how long has your daughter lived the way you describe and did it start all of a sudden or more gradually come on?</p><p>What you write sounds like a major depressive disorder and this can start for a variety of reasons and improve in just as many different ways.</p><p>Start with how you are feeling about the situation. </p><p>Ask yourself for how long you will be able to tolerate the way your daughter lives and if you feel any satisfaction in your mother daughter relationship.</p><p>If she is of legal age, and you don't want her to live with you, you've tried convincing her to get medical care for its own sake and to more clearly see her emotional and psychological health, and she is unwilling to take care of herself, you can discuss your options with the adult protective services agency in your state.</p><p>The first step is to know what exactly is her problem so you can decide if its own you are willing to take care of or not.</p> </s> |
5747298ec792dd6c7063e445 | No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it. | My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/no-matter-what-i-do-my-mom-will-almost-always-find-something-wrong-with-it | Alzheimer's,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, certainly your mom's difficulty in having meaningful conversations with people results from the Alzheimer's disease process which weakens her brain function.</p><p>Feeling a sense of guilt in relation to a parent, is pretty common for everyone.</p><p>This is because as little kids and babies, we had a strong reliance on a parent and believing every word they sad and wishing to follow each action they ask or demand, was for the benefit of our own survival.</p><p>One way of coping with your feeling of guilt is to examine it.</p><p>Ask what it is you're feeling guilty about?</p><p>Chances are that your sense of guilt is less due to what you're currently saying or doing to help your mom.</p><p>Very likely, your guilt feeling is awakening the sense of obligation that you and all of us feel toward a parent simply because parents seem to have unquestionable power when we are very young.</p><p>After all, you're thoughtful enough to write a question, so chances are great that you're already actively involved in caring for your mom.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it. <</SYS>> My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Yes, certainly your mom's difficulty in having meaningful conversations with people results from the Alzheimer's disease process which weakens her brain function.</p><p>Feeling a sense of guilt in relation to a parent, is pretty common for everyone.</p><p>This is because as little kids and babies, we had a strong reliance on a parent and believing every word they sad and wishing to follow each action they ask or demand, was for the benefit of our own survival.</p><p>One way of coping with your feeling of guilt is to examine it.</p><p>Ask what it is you're feeling guilty about?</p><p>Chances are that your sense of guilt is less due to what you're currently saying or doing to help your mom.</p><p>Very likely, your guilt feeling is awakening the sense of obligation that you and all of us feel toward a parent simply because parents seem to have unquestionable power when we are very young.</p><p>After all, you're thoughtful enough to write a question, so chances are great that you're already actively involved in caring for your mom.</p> </s> |
579f8d7d188cd61c1684e840 | Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? | A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-experiencing-dfficulty-maintaining-an-erection | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Depression,Relationships | Marissa Talarico | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico-2 | <p>For starters, know that this is a normal experience for many men at some point in their lives. While this can certainly cause some embarrassment, a diminished sexual esteem or relationship problems, it is important to know you are not alone. I am going to move forward assuming that you have already checked with a medical professional to rule out any medical problems that may be related to this. Assuming that is the case, for most this happens for two primary reasons. It is either a short term biological shortage of blood flow to the penis. This can be caused my diet, lack of exercise, even stress. Another primary reason for loss of erections are anxiety. Have their been recent relationship issues? Are you feeling as though you aren't satisfied in the bedroom? These are just a few aspects that can cause subconscious anxiety and loss of erection. My suggestion to you would be to seek out a counselor that specializes in sexuality that can assist you in moving forward with this. Best of Luck!<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? <</SYS>> A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? [/INST] <p>For starters, know that this is a normal experience for many men at some point in their lives. While this can certainly cause some embarrassment, a diminished sexual esteem or relationship problems, it is important to know you are not alone. I am going to move forward assuming that you have already checked with a medical professional to rule out any medical problems that may be related to this. Assuming that is the case, for most this happens for two primary reasons. It is either a short term biological shortage of blood flow to the penis. This can be caused my diet, lack of exercise, even stress. Another primary reason for loss of erections are anxiety. Have their been recent relationship issues? Are you feeling as though you aren't satisfied in the bedroom? These are just a few aspects that can cause subconscious anxiety and loss of erection. My suggestion to you would be to seek out a counselor that specializes in sexuality that can assist you in moving forward with this. Best of Luck!<br></p> </s> |
56ffc843fa722cdf047f2957 | Is it time to end my relationship with my boyfriend for good? | He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-time-to-end-my-relationship-with-my-boyfriend-for-good | Relationships | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>Sometimes relationships just do not work. Don't feel that the first, second, or even third relationship is the relationship you are suppose to be in for life. The one that is meant for you will require work but should be be draining and a constant roller coaster of breaking up. <br></p><p>It is good you all went to counseling, but one or two sessions may not be enough to make and see a change in behavior. It takes times and it takes both working toward the same goal. <br></p><p>I would suggest doing you...meaning focusing on your own growth at the time. If he wants to grow with you, he will make the necessary steps. If he doesn't...wish him well.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it time to end my relationship with my boyfriend for good? <</SYS>> He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining. [/INST] <p>Sometimes relationships just do not work. Don't feel that the first, second, or even third relationship is the relationship you are suppose to be in for life. The one that is meant for you will require work but should be be draining and a constant roller coaster of breaking up. <br></p><p>It is good you all went to counseling, but one or two sessions may not be enough to make and see a change in behavior. It takes times and it takes both working toward the same goal. <br></p><p>I would suggest doing you...meaning focusing on your own growth at the time. If he wants to grow with you, he will make the necessary steps. If he doesn't...wish him well.<br></p> </s> |
5760cbe316780993511710e6 | How do I repair my friendship? | My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-repair-my-friendship | Social Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.</p><p>Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).</p><p>Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.</p><p>I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?</p><ul><li>Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?</li><li>Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?</li><li>Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?</li><li>Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.</li><li>I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.</li></ul><p>This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.</p><p>Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I repair my friendship? <</SYS>> My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying. [/INST] <p>This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.</p><p>Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).</p><p>Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.</p><p>I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?</p><ul><li>Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?</li><li>Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?</li><li>Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?</li><li>Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.</li><li>I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.</li></ul><p>This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.</p><p>Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships.</p> </s> |
557a0f0ca9732755160c6ab9 | How can I see my base doctor without my ID? | I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-see-my-base-doctor-without-my-id | Military Issues | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>Do you have any other form of identification? The first place to stop would be the Visitor’s Center or whichever department issues passes. They are located outside of the gate so you do not need a military ID to enter. If you have another form of identification it’s possible that they can give you a pass in order to go and obtain a new military ID. </p><p>If you do not, you could always ask someone else to sponsor you on (a friend, coworker, etc.) that have military access. Depending on the threat level, they may not need your ID as long as you are with someone that has access. Keep in mind that currently (6/11/15) all military bases are on Bravo which unfortunately means you will need your own ID.</p><p>Finally, if all else fails, call your doctor and explain your situation. I’m sure they would be more than willing to discuss your options.</p><p>Also, it’s important to make sure that you report your wallet being stolen if you haven’t already. Security Forces on base can help you with this and to ensure your ID doesn’t get into the wrong hands. </p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I see my base doctor without my ID? <</SYS>> I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? [/INST] <p>Do you have any other form of identification? The first place to stop would be the Visitor’s Center or whichever department issues passes. They are located outside of the gate so you do not need a military ID to enter. If you have another form of identification it’s possible that they can give you a pass in order to go and obtain a new military ID. </p><p>If you do not, you could always ask someone else to sponsor you on (a friend, coworker, etc.) that have military access. Depending on the threat level, they may not need your ID as long as you are with someone that has access. Keep in mind that currently (6/11/15) all military bases are on Bravo which unfortunately means you will need your own ID.</p><p>Finally, if all else fails, call your doctor and explain your situation. I’m sure they would be more than willing to discuss your options.</p><p>Also, it’s important to make sure that you report your wallet being stolen if you haven’t already. Security Forces on base can help you with this and to ensure your ID doesn’t get into the wrong hands. </p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca | What happens in a counseling session? | After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session | Counseling Fundamentals | Victoria Haag | https://counselchat.com/therapists/victoria-haag | There are probably no two therapists alike because first and foremost we are human beings!<br>And...our personalities may somewhat guide how we go about getting to know you, identifying what you would like to be different in your life and developing a plan to get where you would like to be. The very most important thing that will determine a successful outcome is the healthy therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. If you don't feel safe, comfortable and ready to work together, then it is likely not a good fit. <br>And that's OK...speak up and the therapist should assist you in finding someone you can readily work with.<br> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What happens in a counseling session? <</SYS>> After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? [/INST] There are probably no two therapists alike because first and foremost we are human beings!<br>And...our personalities may somewhat guide how we go about getting to know you, identifying what you would like to be different in your life and developing a plan to get where you would like to be. The very most important thing that will determine a successful outcome is the healthy therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. If you don't feel safe, comfortable and ready to work together, then it is likely not a good fit. <br>And that's OK...speak up and the therapist should assist you in finding someone you can readily work with.<br> </s> |
55c6cdd64beecdd02c51e5ab | My wife has a diminished libido, and is faking orgasms and denying it. What do I do? | My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result.
Tonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-has-a-diminished-libido-and-is-faking-orgasms-and-denying-it-what-do-i-do | Intimacy | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating. It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here: http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife has a diminished libido, and is faking orgasms and denying it. What do I do? <</SYS>> My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result.
Tonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help. [/INST] <p>You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating. It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here: http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it! </p> </s> |
579aae85188cd61c1684e80c | I just feel so alone. | I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-feel-so-alone | Relationships,Social Relationships | Virginia Chow | https://counselchat.com/therapists/virginia-chow | <p>Although we can have moments when we feel alone, even with the presence of family and friends, feeling alone most of the time could be a sign that there is a lack of connection between you and your loved ones. Generally, the lack of connection can occur when you don't feel heard, understood or valued. These are common emotional needs that result in a good and secure emotional connection that reduces feelings of loneliness. </p><p>You mentioned that "they listen but don't understand." Do you communication clearly about what you need emotionally (understood, accepted, valued, heard, empathized)? To help you ask for the right type of support, you can ask yourself what it is about the situation that is bothering you and how you would wish for your friends and family to respond to you. The result may be an answer that is more informative to your loved ones. For example, you might say, "Thank you for listening to me. When I feel alone, I feel like nobody cares about me because everybody seems busy with their lives. I just wanted to hear and feel that I'm valued by receiving caring messages and phone calls." </p><p><br></p><p>Dr. Virginia Chow</p><p>www.psychologyresource.ca</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I just feel so alone. <</SYS>> I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone? [/INST] <p>Although we can have moments when we feel alone, even with the presence of family and friends, feeling alone most of the time could be a sign that there is a lack of connection between you and your loved ones. Generally, the lack of connection can occur when you don't feel heard, understood or valued. These are common emotional needs that result in a good and secure emotional connection that reduces feelings of loneliness. </p><p>You mentioned that "they listen but don't understand." Do you communication clearly about what you need emotionally (understood, accepted, valued, heard, empathized)? To help you ask for the right type of support, you can ask yourself what it is about the situation that is bothering you and how you would wish for your friends and family to respond to you. The result may be an answer that is more informative to your loved ones. For example, you might say, "Thank you for listening to me. When I feel alone, I feel like nobody cares about me because everybody seems busy with their lives. I just wanted to hear and feel that I'm valued by receiving caring messages and phone calls." </p><p><br></p><p>Dr. Virginia Chow</p><p>www.psychologyresource.ca</p> </s> |
568fcc0d8478ae5d2cd65d64 | I don't feel a connection to my husband anymore. | I'm feeling different towards my husband. I feel I am growing from the relationship. I have been with my husband for six years and married for almost five. I just don't feel that connection anymore. I feel nothing. I don't know why or if I'm just being irrational. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-feel-a-connection-to-my-husband-anymore | Marriage | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Lacey, I'm SO glad you wrote. Thousands of people are having this same feeling right now. I'm glad you're paying attention to it. </p><p>When you first meet someone, there are all kinds of sparkly feelings and you both do and say lots of things to cement the attachment and create deep intimacy and connection. Then what happens is because we have that connection established, we instinctively cut back on those loving behaviours because we don't have to work hard to earn their love anymore. That sparkly feeling typically lasts a few years (long enough to procreate and keep the human race going), and then it wears off a bit, and you end up looking at each other thinking "how come I don't feel the same anymore?"</p><p>Mostly (not always, and I'll get to that in a minute) all that this means is you've stopped doing all those loving things you used to do! It's as though you filled the car with gas, you've run out of gas now, and you're forgetting to put more in!</p><p>The first clear solution to this feeling is to bring back more of your own loving behaviours that you've cut back on. Act lovingly, and you will likely regain those feelings. Talk to your partner about this. It's okay to say "do you remember we used to do X,Y and Z? Can we do that again? Can I get more of the foot rubs you used to give me?" Ask for what you want (instead of complaining). What are your 'love languages'? What are your partner's? </p><p>Marriages need to be fed. It's that simple. Many things get in the way...children, jobs, but mostly complacency. Get active with your love!</p><p>Okay, now, you might read this and think "that's not what's happening". That's a cue to talk to someone, like a therapist, about your feelings. People do grow and change and sometimes relationships don't fit anymore. But these are huge decisions, not to be made lightly. </p><p>I wish you happiness.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't feel a connection to my husband anymore. <</SYS>> I'm feeling different towards my husband. I feel I am growing from the relationship. I have been with my husband for six years and married for almost five. I just don't feel that connection anymore. I feel nothing. I don't know why or if I'm just being irrational. [/INST] <p>Lacey, I'm SO glad you wrote. Thousands of people are having this same feeling right now. I'm glad you're paying attention to it. </p><p>When you first meet someone, there are all kinds of sparkly feelings and you both do and say lots of things to cement the attachment and create deep intimacy and connection. Then what happens is because we have that connection established, we instinctively cut back on those loving behaviours because we don't have to work hard to earn their love anymore. That sparkly feeling typically lasts a few years (long enough to procreate and keep the human race going), and then it wears off a bit, and you end up looking at each other thinking "how come I don't feel the same anymore?"</p><p>Mostly (not always, and I'll get to that in a minute) all that this means is you've stopped doing all those loving things you used to do! It's as though you filled the car with gas, you've run out of gas now, and you're forgetting to put more in!</p><p>The first clear solution to this feeling is to bring back more of your own loving behaviours that you've cut back on. Act lovingly, and you will likely regain those feelings. Talk to your partner about this. It's okay to say "do you remember we used to do X,Y and Z? Can we do that again? Can I get more of the foot rubs you used to give me?" Ask for what you want (instead of complaining). What are your 'love languages'? What are your partner's? </p><p>Marriages need to be fed. It's that simple. Many things get in the way...children, jobs, but mostly complacency. Get active with your love!</p><p>Okay, now, you might read this and think "that's not what's happening". That's a cue to talk to someone, like a therapist, about your feelings. People do grow and change and sometimes relationships don't fit anymore. But these are huge decisions, not to be made lightly. </p><p>I wish you happiness.</p> </s> |
56ad1ad2014e2eff2b4fee2b | My father has always been horrible to me. | My suppose-to-be father told me to go find my real dad. We haven't been getting along since I was a teenager. If I said one thing that he thought was wrong, I always got degraded. He never said “I love you.” He never gave us hugs. He’s always called me horrible names. I feel he's an evil man with no feelings. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-father-has-always-been-horrible-to-me | Family Conflict,Trauma | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Louisiana, You got it right...he's "supposed to be" your father. It's tough enough being adopted (unless I'm reading it wrong, I think you're adopted); what you don't need is to be verbally abused by someone who's supposed to love and protect you. I don't know how old you are (past teen years though), or where your mom is, but I bet there are other people in your life who treat you differently. It's your right to spend your time with the people who love you properly. That's a really important part of learning how to be happy...carefully choosing who's going to be in your life. It's tricky to put emotional distance between you and your supposed-to-be father, but it's possible...physical distance (avoid him if you don't trust you'll be treated with respect), and emotional distance (feeling less connected to and affected by his relationship disability). I think you're already doing that part because you don't blame yourself for his words, which is wonderful. I don't know if he's evil (although I believe evil exists), but he may be incapable of loving properly, or lacking empathy, as you suggest. </p><p>A good therapist can support you in these goals. I wish you the best in your growth as an independent adult. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My father has always been horrible to me. <</SYS>> My suppose-to-be father told me to go find my real dad. We haven't been getting along since I was a teenager. If I said one thing that he thought was wrong, I always got degraded. He never said “I love you.” He never gave us hugs. He’s always called me horrible names. I feel he's an evil man with no feelings. [/INST] <p>Hi Louisiana, You got it right...he's "supposed to be" your father. It's tough enough being adopted (unless I'm reading it wrong, I think you're adopted); what you don't need is to be verbally abused by someone who's supposed to love and protect you. I don't know how old you are (past teen years though), or where your mom is, but I bet there are other people in your life who treat you differently. It's your right to spend your time with the people who love you properly. That's a really important part of learning how to be happy...carefully choosing who's going to be in your life. It's tricky to put emotional distance between you and your supposed-to-be father, but it's possible...physical distance (avoid him if you don't trust you'll be treated with respect), and emotional distance (feeling less connected to and affected by his relationship disability). I think you're already doing that part because you don't blame yourself for his words, which is wonderful. I don't know if he's evil (although I believe evil exists), but he may be incapable of loving properly, or lacking empathy, as you suggest. </p><p>A good therapist can support you in these goals. I wish you the best in your growth as an independent adult. :)</p> </s> |
57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4 | I feel completely alone in my marriage. | I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy | Samara Perez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/samara-perez | <p>What you are describing is something I often refer to as "living with your roommate" phenomenon. This is the idea that you feel like you are living with a roommate and no your partner or spouse . It is not uncommon for members of a couple to report to feel both physical and/or emotional distance. When we don't feel connected within relationships, this can be isolating and lonely. The emotional distance often makes us wonder: am I important to the other? These types of feelings need to be better understood in the context of your own background and upbringing I.e., who you are and also better understood in the context of your couple. Feeling reconnected can occur-- but there is not a "one size fits all" solutoon. As a first step, do you or your partner have any ideas of how to feel reconnected? Have you considering talking to your partner about the emotional void? Or how about discussing solutions , together, that might help-- from individual therapy to couple therapy to a weekly date night to inquiring about one another's personal interest to starting off the conversation of what <span style="font-weight: bold;">both </span>of you want and can do to re-establish feelings of connectiveness. If this is too frightening I.e., to address the lack of connection between you and your spouse. a fist meeting with a couple therapist can likely help unpack what the possible solutions for your couple.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel completely alone in my marriage. <</SYS>> I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? [/INST] <p>What you are describing is something I often refer to as "living with your roommate" phenomenon. This is the idea that you feel like you are living with a roommate and no your partner or spouse . It is not uncommon for members of a couple to report to feel both physical and/or emotional distance. When we don't feel connected within relationships, this can be isolating and lonely. The emotional distance often makes us wonder: am I important to the other? These types of feelings need to be better understood in the context of your own background and upbringing I.e., who you are and also better understood in the context of your couple. Feeling reconnected can occur-- but there is not a "one size fits all" solutoon. As a first step, do you or your partner have any ideas of how to feel reconnected? Have you considering talking to your partner about the emotional void? Or how about discussing solutions , together, that might help-- from individual therapy to couple therapy to a weekly date night to inquiring about one another's personal interest to starting off the conversation of what <span style="font-weight: bold;">both </span>of you want and can do to re-establish feelings of connectiveness. If this is too frightening I.e., to address the lack of connection between you and your spouse. a fist meeting with a couple therapist can likely help unpack what the possible solutions for your couple.</p> </s> |
56bc606c4e568f192e1bfb74 | How can I get my fiancé to notice me again? | My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-fianc-to-notice-me-again | Relationships,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different. </p><p>"He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together. </p><p>He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be! </p><p>Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand. </p><p>So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple. </p><p>When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get my fiancé to notice me again? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore. [/INST] <p>Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different. </p><p>"He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together. </p><p>He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be! </p><p>Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand. </p><p>So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple. </p><p>When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple. </p> </s> |
57525278c792dd6c7063e5d9 | How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems? | I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-parents-that-i-think-i-have-some-mental-problems | Family Conflict,Depression,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>What stops you now from telling your parents the way you are feeling?</p><p>Do you imagine asking them for therapy would be a surprise for them?</p><p>If they're paying attention to you at all, then I imagine they'd feel relief to know you're aware of having some feelings within yourself of a problem.</p><p>If you believe they'd have a negative reaction to you asking for help, this may very well be part of why you are having problems in the first place.</p><p>What reaction did your parents have when you were diagnosed with the other conditions?</p><p>I'd separate their willingness to help you from your sense of needing help.</p><p>If they do not want to help with finding a therapist for you, then start by looking for services available for people in your age group whose parents also do not wish to be involved in their child's emotional and psychological health.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems? <</SYS>> I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy? [/INST] <p>What stops you now from telling your parents the way you are feeling?</p><p>Do you imagine asking them for therapy would be a surprise for them?</p><p>If they're paying attention to you at all, then I imagine they'd feel relief to know you're aware of having some feelings within yourself of a problem.</p><p>If you believe they'd have a negative reaction to you asking for help, this may very well be part of why you are having problems in the first place.</p><p>What reaction did your parents have when you were diagnosed with the other conditions?</p><p>I'd separate their willingness to help you from your sense of needing help.</p><p>If they do not want to help with finding a therapist for you, then start by looking for services available for people in your age group whose parents also do not wish to be involved in their child's emotional and psychological health.</p> </s> |
574e59a2c792dd6c7063e566 | I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not | Spirituality,Social Relationships | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>The way that I see it is that Humans have always been afraid of life and death, historically we have always tried to understand life, we try to organize it, categorize it, explore it, and we've built up this system, our system and societies system around us to help us define what life and (death) is, this system or way is not real but only a perception of our own value judgements, it is, no matter how you try to argue it, a false system of conditioning, humans have a finite mind and a finite mind cannot ever hope to understand an infinite mind of which a god would be. God has been developed over time as a security blanket for our child-like selves, the world is a beautifully brutal place and what is more reassuring than a master that will take care of us and show us the way. On Earth alone there are thousands of gods and even many more systems of thought, economics, societal structures and so on, it is almost as though it were a supermarket with so many choices, we have more choices in gods than we do flavors of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, so then I ask you, "which one is real?, and "what is real?"<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? <</SYS>> Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] <p>The way that I see it is that Humans have always been afraid of life and death, historically we have always tried to understand life, we try to organize it, categorize it, explore it, and we've built up this system, our system and societies system around us to help us define what life and (death) is, this system or way is not real but only a perception of our own value judgements, it is, no matter how you try to argue it, a false system of conditioning, humans have a finite mind and a finite mind cannot ever hope to understand an infinite mind of which a god would be. God has been developed over time as a security blanket for our child-like selves, the world is a beautifully brutal place and what is more reassuring than a master that will take care of us and show us the way. On Earth alone there are thousands of gods and even many more systems of thought, economics, societal structures and so on, it is almost as though it were a supermarket with so many choices, we have more choices in gods than we do flavors of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, so then I ask you, "which one is real?, and "what is real?"<br></p> </s> |
5762b25dca5745ed07aa1494 | How can I find myself again? | I just don't know what I want in life anymore. I'm can't figure out what it is that is keeping me distracted and unfocused. I can't put things into perspective at all. I'm just stuck, and I'm disappointed with my lack of accomplishments. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-find-myself-again | Self-esteem,Depression | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Thank you for sharing! It can be very disorienting not to know what you want and where you are headed. Sometimes we are so focused on something we haven't achieved yet or on comparing ourselves to others that we lose touch with what we actually want and need. At times like this, it's important to go back to basics. </p><p>Try out this simple exercise, take a few minutes to write down all your present responsibilities. For example: make meals, complete homework...etc. Then in the column next to it, write down the things that you do for yourself to recharge yourself and to enjoy your time. </p><p>Is your list of responsibilities way longer than your list of stuff you do for yourself? It is easy to get lost in the sea of responsibilities and disconnect from what you want and need. To fix that, write another list of things that you enjoyed doing in the past for yourself and start incorporating them into your schedule on a regular basis. This will help you re-connect with yourself, and bring focus and clarity to your life.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I find myself again? <</SYS>> I just don't know what I want in life anymore. I'm can't figure out what it is that is keeping me distracted and unfocused. I can't put things into perspective at all. I'm just stuck, and I'm disappointed with my lack of accomplishments. [/INST] <p>Thank you for sharing! It can be very disorienting not to know what you want and where you are headed. Sometimes we are so focused on something we haven't achieved yet or on comparing ourselves to others that we lose touch with what we actually want and need. At times like this, it's important to go back to basics. </p><p>Try out this simple exercise, take a few minutes to write down all your present responsibilities. For example: make meals, complete homework...etc. Then in the column next to it, write down the things that you do for yourself to recharge yourself and to enjoy your time. </p><p>Is your list of responsibilities way longer than your list of stuff you do for yourself? It is easy to get lost in the sea of responsibilities and disconnect from what you want and need. To fix that, write another list of things that you enjoyed doing in the past for yourself and start incorporating them into your schedule on a regular basis. This will help you re-connect with yourself, and bring focus and clarity to your life.</p> </s> |
57495bbec792dd6c7063e4ac | Why can't I laugh anymore? | I used to be the funny guy of the group—the class clown, if you will. I used to laugh uncontrollably all the time and be able to be social without it feeling awkward. Now I can't laugh at all, and I'm dead inside. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-laugh-anymore | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you look back to when you feel as though you were the "funny guy," I wonder what is different now? It may be that responsibilities have changed or any number of other things.</p><p>I don't know whether you're also saying that you feel sad or if you're saying that you feel as though you don't have any big changes in your feelings.</p><p>A lot of us tend to be really busy, and sometimes we over schedule ourselves to the point that we don't have time to have positive time for ourselves. Sometimes even if we are spending time with friends, we're thinking about work and all of the other things we need to do.</p><p>I wonder if it feels awkward when you're with friends that you trust in an environment that you are used to. Maybe if that is more comfortable for you, it can be a stepping stone to focusing on how you feel better in those moments.</p><p>It sounds as if you may have had an experience (or more than one) where you felt misunderstood or criticized and now reacting to people feels awkward. If so, try going back to people you trust. Who do you have support from?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I laugh anymore? <</SYS>> I used to be the funny guy of the group—the class clown, if you will. I used to laugh uncontrollably all the time and be able to be social without it feeling awkward. Now I can't laugh at all, and I'm dead inside. [/INST] <p>If you look back to when you feel as though you were the "funny guy," I wonder what is different now? It may be that responsibilities have changed or any number of other things.</p><p>I don't know whether you're also saying that you feel sad or if you're saying that you feel as though you don't have any big changes in your feelings.</p><p>A lot of us tend to be really busy, and sometimes we over schedule ourselves to the point that we don't have time to have positive time for ourselves. Sometimes even if we are spending time with friends, we're thinking about work and all of the other things we need to do.</p><p>I wonder if it feels awkward when you're with friends that you trust in an environment that you are used to. Maybe if that is more comfortable for you, it can be a stepping stone to focusing on how you feel better in those moments.</p><p>It sounds as if you may have had an experience (or more than one) where you felt misunderstood or criticized and now reacting to people feels awkward. If so, try going back to people you trust. Who do you have support from?</p> </s> |
575e87241678099351171091 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | Anxiety | Elizabeth Anderson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elizabeth-anderson-3 | <p>Feelings of anxiety can be scary and sometimes we're not aware of the triggers that lead up to moments of anxiety, i. e., heart racing, sweaty palms, sweating, shortness of breath. It's important to realize that in moments of anxiety our body & mind are experiencing a reaction from our primal or reptilian brain that is signaling the flight or fight response within us, which kicks the hypothalamus into action flooding our body with chemicals, like adrenaline or cortisol. So, one way to work with anxiety is to find out what the triggers are that lead to anxiety, such as fear, stress. negative thought patterns, not enough food or sleep. Keeping a daily journal can help you track the patterns and triggers and once you identify the triggers you can ameliorate them by learning new skills & techniques and by reducing stress and getting enough sleep. One quick way to reduce anxiety is by taking deeper breathes, sometimes this is called belly breathing. When you breath in make sure your belly rises and expands and as you breath out the belly deflates. Many of us do shallow breathing up in our chest which does not allow for a full breath, and getting a full breath is so important as a tool to help relax us in times of stress & anxiety . </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have some type of anxiety? <</SYS>> Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. [/INST] <p>Feelings of anxiety can be scary and sometimes we're not aware of the triggers that lead up to moments of anxiety, i. e., heart racing, sweaty palms, sweating, shortness of breath. It's important to realize that in moments of anxiety our body & mind are experiencing a reaction from our primal or reptilian brain that is signaling the flight or fight response within us, which kicks the hypothalamus into action flooding our body with chemicals, like adrenaline or cortisol. So, one way to work with anxiety is to find out what the triggers are that lead to anxiety, such as fear, stress. negative thought patterns, not enough food or sleep. Keeping a daily journal can help you track the patterns and triggers and once you identify the triggers you can ameliorate them by learning new skills & techniques and by reducing stress and getting enough sleep. One quick way to reduce anxiety is by taking deeper breathes, sometimes this is called belly breathing. When you breath in make sure your belly rises and expands and as you breath out the belly deflates. Many of us do shallow breathing up in our chest which does not allow for a full breath, and getting a full breath is so important as a tool to help relax us in times of stress & anxiety . </p> </s> |
566a400f9f3a71de09b3c101 | Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? | I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-appropriate-to-give-my-counselor-a-bottle-of-wine-for-christmas | Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>This is a great question.</p><p> In general it is not appropriate for counselors to accept gifts from their clients. </p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">There are some exceptions to this general rule - including a recognition that there may be a valid cultural aspect to this type of gift giving.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It might be best to simply offer your counselor a holiday card as an expression of your feelings. You could also talk to your counselor about the gift and ask if him it if would be appropriate.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">In the end, I know he would most appreciate just knowing how much the counseling meant to you.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? <</SYS>> I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? [/INST] <p>This is a great question.</p><p> In general it is not appropriate for counselors to accept gifts from their clients. </p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">There are some exceptions to this general rule - including a recognition that there may be a valid cultural aspect to this type of gift giving.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It might be best to simply offer your counselor a holiday card as an expression of your feelings. You could also talk to your counselor about the gift and ask if him it if would be appropriate.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">In the end, I know he would most appreciate just knowing how much the counseling meant to you.</span></p> </s> |
56e974430a08ac66565e0479 | I've been having breakdowns for no reason at all. | I start to think of an issue that doesn't even matter or something bad that happened years ago. Then, I cry, pull at my hair, plug my ears, hit myself, and throw things. In loud public places, I get on edge and start being sarcastic and moody. I have an awful fear of people leaving me (which normally ends up happening) and I feel like I'm too clingy. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-ve-been-having-breakdowns-for-no-reason-at-all | Behavioral Change | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>There is a reason you are having breakdowns. I can't agree that they happen for "no reason at all". Finding out the reason is going to be your biggest challenge because that may require you to dig deep into your past, uncover hurtful experiences, or recognize something that would be extremely pain. However, if you don't find professional help to carefully guide you through whatever you may confront, the symptoms mentioned will continue and may even get worse. There is a light at the end of the road but you need some help to find the right road to get on so you can see it.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I've been having breakdowns for no reason at all. <</SYS>> I start to think of an issue that doesn't even matter or something bad that happened years ago. Then, I cry, pull at my hair, plug my ears, hit myself, and throw things. In loud public places, I get on edge and start being sarcastic and moody. I have an awful fear of people leaving me (which normally ends up happening) and I feel like I'm too clingy. [/INST] <p>There is a reason you are having breakdowns. I can't agree that they happen for "no reason at all". Finding out the reason is going to be your biggest challenge because that may require you to dig deep into your past, uncover hurtful experiences, or recognize something that would be extremely pain. However, if you don't find professional help to carefully guide you through whatever you may confront, the symptoms mentioned will continue and may even get worse. There is a light at the end of the road but you need some help to find the right road to get on so you can see it.<br></p> </s> |
579da45c188cd61c1684e82e | How can I help myself and change my behavior? | I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,
I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.
How can I help myself to change my behavior? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-myself-and-change-my-behavior | Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. I have to wonder from a behavioral perspective if what you are doing is useful for you. In other words, does it serve a purpose in some way when you find yourself doing it. Yes, this could well be an expression of anxiety, or maybe some type of coping skill you have developed over the years to deal with stressful situations. Yet it sounds like you have developed a sort of knee-jerk behavioral conditioning that causes you to do this behavior during specific (or perhaps even non-specific) circumstances. Do you think it is a self-soothing behavior? Do you feel good after you have done it? The behavior itself is likely causing some form of slow physical damage, so I would recommend you have yourself checked by a doctor, to rule out any injury. If none exists, this obviously doesn't excuse the behavior, it just says that for the moment luck is on your side.</p><p>When we do any behavior of any kind, it is good to ask if what we are doing has merit or value. Is the behavior helping us to solve our problem, or is it merely creating yet another problem by doing the behavior in the first place. In the same way that a person might drink excessively because they are stressed and need to cope with some unresolved issue, when they are done drinking the original problem will still likely be there, but now they are intoxicated. No closer to solving the issue. When we deal with things like anxiety or depression, we need to do things that work on dealing with the symptoms, but also get to the root issue that created those feelings and find effective solutions. So the things we do to cope with life events need to not be ones that cause us harm, but rather support us as we move forward and work to deal with what life throws at us.</p><p>Sometimes seeking support from a friend or a counselor is a good idea. Being given the opportunity to express your feelings about what is going on around you and getting feedback and insight from others is much more effective than actions of self-harm, wouldn't you agree? So I would encourage you to find a counselor or a trusted friend who can help you find positive behaviors you can take to deal with your feelings, as you also work to find the answers to the day to day issues of living a life filled with promise and opportunity.</p><p>Reach out if you need help...there will likely be a hand there waiting for you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help myself and change my behavior? <</SYS>> I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,
I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.
How can I help myself to change my behavior? [/INST] <p>Hello. I have to wonder from a behavioral perspective if what you are doing is useful for you. In other words, does it serve a purpose in some way when you find yourself doing it. Yes, this could well be an expression of anxiety, or maybe some type of coping skill you have developed over the years to deal with stressful situations. Yet it sounds like you have developed a sort of knee-jerk behavioral conditioning that causes you to do this behavior during specific (or perhaps even non-specific) circumstances. Do you think it is a self-soothing behavior? Do you feel good after you have done it? The behavior itself is likely causing some form of slow physical damage, so I would recommend you have yourself checked by a doctor, to rule out any injury. If none exists, this obviously doesn't excuse the behavior, it just says that for the moment luck is on your side.</p><p>When we do any behavior of any kind, it is good to ask if what we are doing has merit or value. Is the behavior helping us to solve our problem, or is it merely creating yet another problem by doing the behavior in the first place. In the same way that a person might drink excessively because they are stressed and need to cope with some unresolved issue, when they are done drinking the original problem will still likely be there, but now they are intoxicated. No closer to solving the issue. When we deal with things like anxiety or depression, we need to do things that work on dealing with the symptoms, but also get to the root issue that created those feelings and find effective solutions. So the things we do to cope with life events need to not be ones that cause us harm, but rather support us as we move forward and work to deal with what life throws at us.</p><p>Sometimes seeking support from a friend or a counselor is a good idea. Being given the opportunity to express your feelings about what is going on around you and getting feedback and insight from others is much more effective than actions of self-harm, wouldn't you agree? So I would encourage you to find a counselor or a trusted friend who can help you find positive behaviors you can take to deal with your feelings, as you also work to find the answers to the day to day issues of living a life filled with promise and opportunity.</p><p>Reach out if you need help...there will likely be a hand there waiting for you.</p> </s> |
5676c0138e5e79ff3a20c7de | My husband yells “enough” when I tell him he needs to change | That phrase makes me crazy. It happens anytime I point out something to my husband that he needs to change, such as looking up from his iPad long enough for me to tell him the grandbaby almost pulled the shelf unit over or explaining to him that I got all the things he needs to bake a pie. Another example is when he opens the front door, the dog runs out if he doesn't pick him up. Over and over again, he lets the dog run out, and I am afraid he will get hit by a car. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-yells-enough-when-i-tell-him-he-needs-to-change | Marriage | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I empathize with your feeling "crazy" hearing your husband yell "enough" in response to you wanting to make a point to him.</p><p>When the immediate situation has calmed down, have you ever told him that this upsets you? </p><p>Is it possible he simply is not aware that you feel upset by how he talks to you?</p><p>Keep in mind too that what you believe your husband must change, may not agree with his opinion on what he needs to change.</p><p>A helpful starting place for the two of you to discuss once the immediate situation has calmed down, is what you each feel would have been a reasonable way of handling the situation that just happened.</p><p>By learning more about how the other person thinks and feels, it will be easier to know what to expect form each other.</p><p>Even if you disagree about what is best, knowing that there are differences between you may make living with them easier to accept, or at least not be surprised and startled by them.</p><p>Sending good luck to both of you!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband yells “enough” when I tell him he needs to change <</SYS>> That phrase makes me crazy. It happens anytime I point out something to my husband that he needs to change, such as looking up from his iPad long enough for me to tell him the grandbaby almost pulled the shelf unit over or explaining to him that I got all the things he needs to bake a pie. Another example is when he opens the front door, the dog runs out if he doesn't pick him up. Over and over again, he lets the dog run out, and I am afraid he will get hit by a car. [/INST] <p>I empathize with your feeling "crazy" hearing your husband yell "enough" in response to you wanting to make a point to him.</p><p>When the immediate situation has calmed down, have you ever told him that this upsets you? </p><p>Is it possible he simply is not aware that you feel upset by how he talks to you?</p><p>Keep in mind too that what you believe your husband must change, may not agree with his opinion on what he needs to change.</p><p>A helpful starting place for the two of you to discuss once the immediate situation has calmed down, is what you each feel would have been a reasonable way of handling the situation that just happened.</p><p>By learning more about how the other person thinks and feels, it will be easier to know what to expect form each other.</p><p>Even if you disagree about what is best, knowing that there are differences between you may make living with them easier to accept, or at least not be surprised and startled by them.</p><p>Sending good luck to both of you!</p> </s> |
570f17f8158c725435c30670 | How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance | Trauma | Christopher Smith | https://counselchat.com/therapists/christopher-smith | <p>Depending on the source of your traumatic experience, there may be ways to get free treatment to help you. For example, if your experience was related to your military service, the VA may be able to assist you. If your experience is related to 9/11 and you meet certain criteria, there are ways to get free help. In many states, if you are the victim of a crime, there is a victim's assistance fund that may cover costs of this treatment. Basically, start with the traumatic event(s) you have experienced and move forward from there. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Depending on the source of your traumatic experience, there may be ways to get free treatment to help you. For example, if your experience was related to your military service, the VA may be able to assist you. If your experience is related to 9/11 and you meet certain criteria, there are ways to get free help. In many states, if you are the victim of a crime, there is a victim's assistance fund that may cover costs of this treatment. Basically, start with the traumatic event(s) you have experienced and move forward from there. <br></p> </s> |
563f96adc2c5c37870d72c13 | My husband seems to end his relationships with women whenever he has an infant. | My husband and I would've been married for five years come June 2016. Our infant daughter just had her birthday. Shortly before, he told me he wanted a divorce. He has four other children, three of which are from his first wife. He decided to end that marriage when his youngest was an infant. The children do not have a good relationship with him now. He has another child from a woman he was dating. He decided he didn't want to be with her anymore when the child was an infant.
It seems to me that there is a pattern. He easily detaches from relationships at the same time in the child's life but wants a relationship with them when they are older. I've tried to research online, but I'm not getting any answers. He also has an unhealthy dependency on alcohol and does not believe in mental health disorders such as depression and bi-polar disorder. He also does not believe in therapy or seeking help from professionals. Is there a detachment disorder or some form of mental block he could have? Where do you recommend researching this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-seems-to-end-his-relationships-with-women-whenever-he-has-an-infant | Marriage,Addiction | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | This sounds really difficult and I can understand your motivation to get to bottom of why this behaviour has occurred - especially if your husband (who sounds like he is an ex-husband?) continues to have a relationship with you and your children. With that being said - relationships and mental health are very complicated and you are unlikely to find the answers you are looking for. In order for someone to be diagnosed with a <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-a-mental-illness">mental illness</a> or in order for them to identify what leads them to fall into particular <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling/">patterns in relationship</a> - they would need to be willing to seek help and honestly talk about their challenges, something that you say your ex is not willing to do. While it might be a relief to understand what is going on with him - it might be more comforting for you to get support for yourself in processing your feelings and everything that has come up for you as a result of his choices. | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband seems to end his relationships with women whenever he has an infant. <</SYS>> My husband and I would've been married for five years come June 2016. Our infant daughter just had her birthday. Shortly before, he told me he wanted a divorce. He has four other children, three of which are from his first wife. He decided to end that marriage when his youngest was an infant. The children do not have a good relationship with him now. He has another child from a woman he was dating. He decided he didn't want to be with her anymore when the child was an infant.
It seems to me that there is a pattern. He easily detaches from relationships at the same time in the child's life but wants a relationship with them when they are older. I've tried to research online, but I'm not getting any answers. He also has an unhealthy dependency on alcohol and does not believe in mental health disorders such as depression and bi-polar disorder. He also does not believe in therapy or seeking help from professionals. Is there a detachment disorder or some form of mental block he could have? Where do you recommend researching this? [/INST] This sounds really difficult and I can understand your motivation to get to bottom of why this behaviour has occurred - especially if your husband (who sounds like he is an ex-husband?) continues to have a relationship with you and your children. With that being said - relationships and mental health are very complicated and you are unlikely to find the answers you are looking for. In order for someone to be diagnosed with a <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-a-mental-illness">mental illness</a> or in order for them to identify what leads them to fall into particular <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling/">patterns in relationship</a> - they would need to be willing to seek help and honestly talk about their challenges, something that you say your ex is not willing to do. While it might be a relief to understand what is going on with him - it might be more comforting for you to get support for yourself in processing your feelings and everything that has come up for you as a result of his choices. </s> |
569d6905de405677109cb5cf | I'm attracted to my boss. | I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-attracted-to-my-boss | Relationships,Workplace Relationships | Lola Georg | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg | <p>Human attractions can be tricky things, and in this case - a power dynamic. In the workplace, a boss usually has the power to hire, fire, set schedules, approve vacations, and evaluate performance. Because of this power dynamic, most employee handbooks expressly forbid supervisors and their direct employees being in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you should check your employee handbook. It is possible that if you or your supervisor act on your feelings, one of you might have to be reassigned, or if no reassignment is available, asked to resign. While you may be attracted to your boss, and your feelings may be strong, it might be in your best interests to resist acting upon them. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm attracted to my boss. <</SYS>> I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet. [/INST] <p>Human attractions can be tricky things, and in this case - a power dynamic. In the workplace, a boss usually has the power to hire, fire, set schedules, approve vacations, and evaluate performance. Because of this power dynamic, most employee handbooks expressly forbid supervisors and their direct employees being in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you should check your employee handbook. It is possible that if you or your supervisor act on your feelings, one of you might have to be reassigned, or if no reassignment is available, asked to resign. While you may be attracted to your boss, and your feelings may be strong, it might be in your best interests to resist acting upon them. </p> </s> |
57477211c792dd6c7063e451 | How can I just be happy and not mad all the time? | Everything just makes me upset. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-just-be-happy-and-not-mad-all-the-time | Anger Management | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Anger often comes with a lot of other emotions. Consider what else you may be feeling at the same time and keep track of your different mood changes. You may be able to notice patterns, such as being more frustrated when you don't sleep well. If you do feel as though you are mad all the time, can you think of any exceptions so you can see what is different in those times?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I just be happy and not mad all the time? <</SYS>> Everything just makes me upset. [/INST] <p>Anger often comes with a lot of other emotions. Consider what else you may be feeling at the same time and keep track of your different mood changes. You may be able to notice patterns, such as being more frustrated when you don't sleep well. If you do feel as though you are mad all the time, can you think of any exceptions so you can see what is different in those times?</p> </s> |