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576e22513c9e6b307a8ae5e5 | I crossdress and I don't know how to feel about it. | I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-crossdress-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel-about-it | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Let yourself enjoy crossdressing!</p><p>What sounds in your way are whatever beliefs you gre up hearing, see and absorb currently.</p><p>Concentrate on your own satisfaction and that you are doing this in a non-harming way.</p><p><br></p><p>Maybe if you branch out your interest by finding other people who enjoy crossdressing as much as you do.</p><p>With any interest or activity, social interaction supports it.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I crossdress and I don't know how to feel about it. <</SYS>> I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single. [/INST] <p>Let yourself enjoy crossdressing!</p><p>What sounds in your way are whatever beliefs you gre up hearing, see and absorb currently.</p><p>Concentrate on your own satisfaction and that you are doing this in a non-harming way.</p><p><br></p><p>Maybe if you branch out your interest by finding other people who enjoy crossdressing as much as you do.</p><p>With any interest or activity, social interaction supports it.</p> </s> |
557e7259b1b211b80376b69e | I feel like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me | What do I do if I have been feeling like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me. Or I couldn't have many friends because of who I am. It's strange I want to be loved but I'd hate to be because I always lose. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-could-never-be-with-anyone-because-no-one-would-want-me | Relationships | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>What would make you feel no one wants to be with you?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me <</SYS>> What do I do if I have been feeling like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me. Or I couldn't have many friends because of who I am. It's strange I want to be loved but I'd hate to be because I always lose. [/INST] <p>What would make you feel no one wants to be with you?</p> </s> |
575f646416780993511710a6 | Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-someone-with-bipolar-disorder-feel-like-they-are-not-themselves-like-an-observer-in-their-own-body-and-not-really-in-control | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Well, one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is having times of really high-energy and kind of feeling like they rule the world, so perhaps.</p><p>There are also some other things that come to mind when you mention this. For example, the person you are describing could be reacting to something that happened in their past.</p><p>It would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Well, one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is having times of really high-energy and kind of feeling like they rule the world, so perhaps.</p><p>There are also some other things that come to mind when you mention this. For example, the person you are describing could be reacting to something that happened in their past.</p><p>It would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional.</p> </s> |
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860 | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts | Diagnosis | Elaine Alyson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elaine-alyson | <p>Many people have thoughts like those you describe, and often it feels like someone else is saying it because they are things that may have been said to you when you were very young. When young children hear negative things about themselves they tend to internalize these negative ideas and to form negative core beliefs. The good news is we can learn to stop these thoughts and to replace them with healthier thoughts. The first step is to catch yourself when you are thinking these thoughts, and to stay "stop!"; then replace it with another thought. So for instance, maybe you fail a test or get rejected by a romantic interest. You catch yourself saying "you aren't worth anything". Stop this thought, and replace it with "You didn't do as well on that test as you would have liked. Let's figure out how you can do better next time." Or "she may not want to go out with you, but someone else will". So the idea is to develop a voice of a "friend", who can tell you the kind of things you would say to your own best friend. You might also pick up the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. He gives many tips for how to change Negative Self Talk.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I stop these thoughts? <</SYS>> I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? [/INST] <p>Many people have thoughts like those you describe, and often it feels like someone else is saying it because they are things that may have been said to you when you were very young. When young children hear negative things about themselves they tend to internalize these negative ideas and to form negative core beliefs. The good news is we can learn to stop these thoughts and to replace them with healthier thoughts. The first step is to catch yourself when you are thinking these thoughts, and to stay "stop!"; then replace it with another thought. So for instance, maybe you fail a test or get rejected by a romantic interest. You catch yourself saying "you aren't worth anything". Stop this thought, and replace it with "You didn't do as well on that test as you would have liked. Let's figure out how you can do better next time." Or "she may not want to go out with you, but someone else will". So the idea is to develop a voice of a "friend", who can tell you the kind of things you would say to your own best friend. You might also pick up the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. He gives many tips for how to change Negative Self Talk.</p> </s> |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>From the very beginning of counseling sessions I emphasize that the work will and must end at some point.</p><p>In counseling there is an arc to the process. A beginning, middle and end. </p><p>I am always digging, searching and exploring.</p><p> There comes a point where things come to there natural ending.</p><p>I always leave an opening for continuing counseling in the future. At least as a check in.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] <p>From the very beginning of counseling sessions I emphasize that the work will and must end at some point.</p><p>In counseling there is an arc to the process. A beginning, middle and end. </p><p>I am always digging, searching and exploring.</p><p> There comes a point where things come to there natural ending.</p><p>I always leave an opening for continuing counseling in the future. At least as a check in.</p> </s> |
557b86f6b1b211b80376b5d9 | What can I do if my parents refuse to acknowledge my anxiety and self-confidence issues? | My dad refuses to acknowledge my anxieties about going to parties, dinners, etc. Whenever I have an opinion it gets shut down. My mom and everyone else behaves likewise. For my father who heads a company, this is normal. He has to be right all the time. He blatantly refuses to even try to see it from my angle.
Recently however, it's been getting to the point where I feel pressured and unable to speak my mind. It isn't possible for me to get professional one-on-one help. He tells me to grow a pair and get over it. I recently have been developing more severe body image and self-confidence issues, which I have had all my life. I feel invalidated by my dad. I have been more paranoid lately as well. I can't turn on location services anymore on my phone because of a past incident. He makes me feel guilty about it. I feel rather worthless more often than not, unfortunately. What do I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-if-my-parents-refuse-to-acknowledge-my-anxiety-and-self-confidence-issues | Family Conflict,Self-esteem,Parenting,Anxiety | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>I'm sorry to hear that you are unable to get through to your parents. It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of anxiety that needs to be addressed by a professional (despite the fact that you are unable to at the moment). I would recommend talking with another adult such as a school counselor that can offer you support in this area. Perhaps they can work with you on your anxiety issues and schedule a meeting with your parents so that he/she may help mediate the conversation with them.</p><p>If you are unable to reach out to a school counselor maybe you can try a member of the family such as an aunt or an uncle that feels comfortable addressing the issue with your parents. Sometimes it helps hearing it from a third party before the situations is taken seriously enough.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do if my parents refuse to acknowledge my anxiety and self-confidence issues? <</SYS>> My dad refuses to acknowledge my anxieties about going to parties, dinners, etc. Whenever I have an opinion it gets shut down. My mom and everyone else behaves likewise. For my father who heads a company, this is normal. He has to be right all the time. He blatantly refuses to even try to see it from my angle.
Recently however, it's been getting to the point where I feel pressured and unable to speak my mind. It isn't possible for me to get professional one-on-one help. He tells me to grow a pair and get over it. I recently have been developing more severe body image and self-confidence issues, which I have had all my life. I feel invalidated by my dad. I have been more paranoid lately as well. I can't turn on location services anymore on my phone because of a past incident. He makes me feel guilty about it. I feel rather worthless more often than not, unfortunately. What do I do? [/INST] <p>I'm sorry to hear that you are unable to get through to your parents. It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of anxiety that needs to be addressed by a professional (despite the fact that you are unable to at the moment). I would recommend talking with another adult such as a school counselor that can offer you support in this area. Perhaps they can work with you on your anxiety issues and schedule a meeting with your parents so that he/she may help mediate the conversation with them.</p><p>If you are unable to reach out to a school counselor maybe you can try a member of the family such as an aunt or an uncle that feels comfortable addressing the issue with your parents. Sometimes it helps hearing it from a third party before the situations is taken seriously enough.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
5752534dc792dd6c7063e5db | What does it mean that I feel like different genders? | I was born a girl. I look like a boy. I sometimes feel like a different variation of gender. I don't know what to say if someone asks my gender. I just get really confused and usually say my birth gender. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-does-it-mean-that-i-feel-like-different-genders | LGBTQ | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:8.35pt;margin-left:
0in;line-height:16.75pt"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">I agree with Sherry, it is OK to give the answer that you feel most familiar with. The most important part is not who people think you are, but that you know who you are. Read about gender identity and fluidity. Discovering the answer is a process, don't rush it to comply with others either way. If you feel that this is a constant issue that keeps you awake and keeps you from enjoying your life, consider going to a therapist to discuss your feelings and concerns. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Qué significa que yo me sienta como diferentes géneros?</span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt;"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Nací como niña. Me veo como niño. A veces siento como una variación diferente de género. No sé qué decirle a otros cuando pregunta que soy. Me siento confuso y solo digo mi genero de nacimiento. </span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Estoy de acuerdo con Sherry, está bien dar la respuesta que se sienta más cómoda. La parte más importante no es quien las otras personas piensen que eres, sino quien tú piensas que eres. Lee sobre el tema de identidad de género y fluidez de género. Descubrir tu género puede ser un proceso, no lo apresures para complacer a otras personas. Si sientes que este tema te esta quitando el sueno y te impide disfrutar tu vida, habla con tu consejero sobre tus sentimientos y preocupaciones.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What does it mean that I feel like different genders? <</SYS>> I was born a girl. I look like a boy. I sometimes feel like a different variation of gender. I don't know what to say if someone asks my gender. I just get really confused and usually say my birth gender. [/INST] <p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:8.35pt;margin-left:
0in;line-height:16.75pt"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">I agree with Sherry, it is OK to give the answer that you feel most familiar with. The most important part is not who people think you are, but that you know who you are. Read about gender identity and fluidity. Discovering the answer is a process, don't rush it to comply with others either way. If you feel that this is a constant issue that keeps you awake and keeps you from enjoying your life, consider going to a therapist to discuss your feelings and concerns. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Qué significa que yo me sienta como diferentes géneros?</span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt;"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Nací como niña. Me veo como niño. A veces siento como una variación diferente de género. No sé qué decirle a otros cuando pregunta que soy. Me siento confuso y solo digo mi genero de nacimiento. </span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Estoy de acuerdo con Sherry, está bien dar la respuesta que se sienta más cómoda. La parte más importante no es quien las otras personas piensen que eres, sino quien tú piensas que eres. Lee sobre el tema de identidad de género y fluidez de género. Descubrir tu género puede ser un proceso, no lo apresures para complacer a otras personas. Si sientes que este tema te esta quitando el sueno y te impide disfrutar tu vida, habla con tu consejero sobre tus sentimientos y preocupaciones.</span></p> </s> |
56a281d120fd22722a536086 | How do I learn to feel emotion? | I don't know how to have emotions. I never had any from my birth. Being human, I think of myself as a monster. I enjoy pain. I cut myself for my climax during sex. I think most of the time, I lie, even when sometimes it would have been easy just to tell the truth. I was in rehabilitation for four year. I have made love with both men and women, but it made no impact in my emotions. The books that I enjoy reading H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe. I go hunting every Saturday. I feel powerful. I don't enjoy the killing of the creature, but the hunt of it and to eat and drink the flesh and blood of the creature. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-learn-to-feel-emotion | Depression,Self-esteem | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <div>I'm not sure that you don't feel emotion or that you are frightened of the depth of your emotions. </div><div><br></div><div>From what you write, the context of your growing up years had people telling you to not feel. Little kids and babies don't remember whether or not they had emotions since birth. This is information someone told you or was part of your family system.</div><div>Possibly your family was afraid of their emotions or of you knowing yours.</div><div><br></div><div>Similarly, your comparison of being human means being monster like, is not an obvious connection. Besides, monsters are an idea, they aren't real. They embody what someone considers the worst qualities of themselves or the human species. Again, I wonder whether you've taken on stories you heard growing up about how unacceptable and bad you are.</div><div><br></div><div>A way to start learning your emotions is to start in simple, basic ways to ask yourself what you are feeling in the situations that you believe emotions would belong.</div><div>If on the first bright sunny and warm day of the year, you remind yourself to notice what you're feeling in response to this, you'll be taking one step toward awareness of your emotions.</div><div><br></div><div>If someone buys you a birthday present, be aware of how you feel. Keep adding awareness to situations and see if this builds an ease with feeling emotions.</div><div><br></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I learn to feel emotion? <</SYS>> I don't know how to have emotions. I never had any from my birth. Being human, I think of myself as a monster. I enjoy pain. I cut myself for my climax during sex. I think most of the time, I lie, even when sometimes it would have been easy just to tell the truth. I was in rehabilitation for four year. I have made love with both men and women, but it made no impact in my emotions. The books that I enjoy reading H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe. I go hunting every Saturday. I feel powerful. I don't enjoy the killing of the creature, but the hunt of it and to eat and drink the flesh and blood of the creature. [/INST] <div>I'm not sure that you don't feel emotion or that you are frightened of the depth of your emotions. </div><div><br></div><div>From what you write, the context of your growing up years had people telling you to not feel. Little kids and babies don't remember whether or not they had emotions since birth. This is information someone told you or was part of your family system.</div><div>Possibly your family was afraid of their emotions or of you knowing yours.</div><div><br></div><div>Similarly, your comparison of being human means being monster like, is not an obvious connection. Besides, monsters are an idea, they aren't real. They embody what someone considers the worst qualities of themselves or the human species. Again, I wonder whether you've taken on stories you heard growing up about how unacceptable and bad you are.</div><div><br></div><div>A way to start learning your emotions is to start in simple, basic ways to ask yourself what you are feeling in the situations that you believe emotions would belong.</div><div>If on the first bright sunny and warm day of the year, you remind yourself to notice what you're feeling in response to this, you'll be taking one step toward awareness of your emotions.</div><div><br></div><div>If someone buys you a birthday present, be aware of how you feel. Keep adding awareness to situations and see if this builds an ease with feeling emotions.</div><div><br></div> </s> |
55d13fd245e28e2461dfc592 | How do I cope with separation anxiety while boyfriend is out of town? | I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.
I feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don’t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-separation-anxiety-while-boyfriend-is-out-of-town | Anxiety,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Consider talking with your boyfriend about times that you may be able to talk together while he is away. This way, you have an idea when you'll be able to contact him. Does he recognize the feelings that you have while he is away? How do you feel when you are together with him and he is home?</p><p>I'm also curious as to how the level of your anxiety (on a scale of 1 to 10, perhaps) changes during the parts of his trips. Maybe there are certain parts that are more or less related to anxiety for you. Perhaps you have less anxiety while working or involved in a specific activity, for example, spending time with friends.</p><p>When you are both in the same area (when your boyfriend is not traveling), do you do some things independently with friends? </p><p>Do you know what leads to your anxiety when he is away? I don't know whether it is a general feeling of wanting him to come back or anxiety that something specific will happen to you or him.</p><p>Do you ever recall feeling this way in your past? If so, what was happening then?</p><p>What do you have that makes you feel very safe and comfortable?</p><p>Consider working with a mental health professional in the area. Perhaps it would be helpful for the two of you to meet with a therapist who specializes in couples to see what kind of relationship you want to have and what you can each do to contribute to that relationship. There could be things that you could both start or stop doing to help your relationship move in the direction where you would like it to go. As an example, perhaps you would like a text before your boyfriend goes to bed, no matter what time zone or time of day it is. Perhaps he would prefer a good morning text or call/voicemail from you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope with separation anxiety while boyfriend is out of town? <</SYS>> I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.
I feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don’t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town? [/INST] <p>Consider talking with your boyfriend about times that you may be able to talk together while he is away. This way, you have an idea when you'll be able to contact him. Does he recognize the feelings that you have while he is away? How do you feel when you are together with him and he is home?</p><p>I'm also curious as to how the level of your anxiety (on a scale of 1 to 10, perhaps) changes during the parts of his trips. Maybe there are certain parts that are more or less related to anxiety for you. Perhaps you have less anxiety while working or involved in a specific activity, for example, spending time with friends.</p><p>When you are both in the same area (when your boyfriend is not traveling), do you do some things independently with friends? </p><p>Do you know what leads to your anxiety when he is away? I don't know whether it is a general feeling of wanting him to come back or anxiety that something specific will happen to you or him.</p><p>Do you ever recall feeling this way in your past? If so, what was happening then?</p><p>What do you have that makes you feel very safe and comfortable?</p><p>Consider working with a mental health professional in the area. Perhaps it would be helpful for the two of you to meet with a therapist who specializes in couples to see what kind of relationship you want to have and what you can each do to contribute to that relationship. There could be things that you could both start or stop doing to help your relationship move in the direction where you would like it to go. As an example, perhaps you would like a text before your boyfriend goes to bed, no matter what time zone or time of day it is. Perhaps he would prefer a good morning text or call/voicemail from you.</p> </s> |
5795952cbc069dff6a5339aa | How do I help my 20 year old boyfriend who says he hates his life? | I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.
I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-20-year-old-boyfriend-who-says-he-hates-his-life | Relationships,Depression,Substance Abuse | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How do you help yourself to believe you require more than what he offers to you?</p><p>What do you get from this relationship which feels satisfying?</p><p>To answer this question may in the longterm be the best way to help your bf.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I help my 20 year old boyfriend who says he hates his life? <</SYS>> I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.
I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him? [/INST] <p>How do you help yourself to believe you require more than what he offers to you?</p><p>What do you get from this relationship which feels satisfying?</p><p>To answer this question may in the longterm be the best way to help your bf.</p> </s> |
55f10a2a0c3f27f1283336e0 | How can I get clarity for myself and move on in a healthy manner? | I have recently separated from my husband whom I have been with for 5 years. Throughout our 5 years together, I have stood by him through 2 affairs, him talking to other women while I was pregnant, his drug abuse and thru verbal and physical abuse. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-clarity-for-myself-and-move-on-in-a-healthy-manner | Relationships,Self-esteem | Emmanuelle Stathopoulos | https://counselchat.com/therapists/emmanuelle-stathopoulos | <p>It usually boils down to a lack of self esteem, self love and self acceptance. If for whatever reason the 'scripts' we have been told about ourselves from others, or what we have witnessed as children has become our beliefs about what to expect from life and others, have been negative, it is hard to imagine a different reality for ourselves.</p><p>If what we have learned and observed in our close environment has not taught us and inspired a healthy self esteem, then we can not know what it is and how it feels like. It is as if we lack the language, the words to define it and the skills to practice it.</p><p>Putting up with a loved one's drug addiction, their infidelity, lack of respect and esteem, verbal and physical abuse, tend to show and reflect the degree of our lack of self esteem, lack of sense of self worth, lack of belief that we are worth and deserve more from life.</p><p>Separating was the first step towards reversing this negative situation. Spending time on your own and distancing yourself from your past experiences with him will give you a better and clearer perspective. The fact that you are asking yourself this question, shows that at some level you are aware that something is not quite right. It is just a matter of finding out exactly what it is, how you got where you are now and how to get where you want to get in your life in the future.</p><p>Working with a therapist/counselor will help you understand the mechanisms and learn how to build a healthy sense of self esteem. Get a good sense of who you are and what you want. And finally design the right strategy and plan of action to achieve your goal, to move on in a healthy manner.</p><p>You have made the first step, it is now a matter of being consistent in seeking help and doing the work until you achieve what you want. Become who you want to be and create the life you want for yourself.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get clarity for myself and move on in a healthy manner? <</SYS>> I have recently separated from my husband whom I have been with for 5 years. Throughout our 5 years together, I have stood by him through 2 affairs, him talking to other women while I was pregnant, his drug abuse and thru verbal and physical abuse. [/INST] <p>It usually boils down to a lack of self esteem, self love and self acceptance. If for whatever reason the 'scripts' we have been told about ourselves from others, or what we have witnessed as children has become our beliefs about what to expect from life and others, have been negative, it is hard to imagine a different reality for ourselves.</p><p>If what we have learned and observed in our close environment has not taught us and inspired a healthy self esteem, then we can not know what it is and how it feels like. It is as if we lack the language, the words to define it and the skills to practice it.</p><p>Putting up with a loved one's drug addiction, their infidelity, lack of respect and esteem, verbal and physical abuse, tend to show and reflect the degree of our lack of self esteem, lack of sense of self worth, lack of belief that we are worth and deserve more from life.</p><p>Separating was the first step towards reversing this negative situation. Spending time on your own and distancing yourself from your past experiences with him will give you a better and clearer perspective. The fact that you are asking yourself this question, shows that at some level you are aware that something is not quite right. It is just a matter of finding out exactly what it is, how you got where you are now and how to get where you want to get in your life in the future.</p><p>Working with a therapist/counselor will help you understand the mechanisms and learn how to build a healthy sense of self esteem. Get a good sense of who you are and what you want. And finally design the right strategy and plan of action to achieve your goal, to move on in a healthy manner.</p><p>You have made the first step, it is now a matter of being consistent in seeking help and doing the work until you achieve what you want. Become who you want to be and create the life you want for yourself.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
58a3467a152ba8625f4005fb | How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-4 | Stress | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | <p>Part of handling stress is making sure that your perception of the stress is accurate. Sometimes stress can seem more than it really is. One thing that I encourage my clients to do is to ask themselves, "What is this stressor really about?" Simplifying stress is a key to minimizing stress and leads to feeling less stressed out.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less stressed? <</SYS>> I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? [/INST] <p>Part of handling stress is making sure that your perception of the stress is accurate. Sometimes stress can seem more than it really is. One thing that I encourage my clients to do is to ask themselves, "What is this stressor really about?" Simplifying stress is a key to minimizing stress and leads to feeling less stressed out.</p> </s> |
5753a66ec792dd6c7063e61e | How can I atone for being cowardly? | I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-atone-for-being-cowardly | Spirituality,Anxiety | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe).</p><p> To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done.</p><p> I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I atone for being cowardly? <</SYS>> I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out. [/INST] <p> Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe).</p><p> To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done.</p><p> I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes.</p> </s> |
5799501eb43cd7825e26e297 | PTSD is impacting my whole life. | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.
How can I get my life back? | https://counselchat.com/questions/ptsd-is-impacting-my-whole-life | Trauma | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi there, </p><p>I hear you, PTSD has a very debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable! </p><p>First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with compassion and kindness that you would extend a friend who is hurting. </p><p>The second step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book,<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Pioneering-Program-Restoring/dp/159179658X"> Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin</a>. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success! </p><p>You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc</a></p><p>One last thing, I suggest consulting with a nutritionist or a doctor to help you boost your healing with supplements, vitamins, and minerals. The stress from PTSD is very draining on the body, and you use up a lot of energy and resources, so at times of trauma supplements are quite necessary for recovery (Magnesium, Omega 3, Zinc, Vitamin C....etc)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> PTSD is impacting my whole life. <</SYS>> I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.
How can I get my life back? [/INST] <p>Hi there, </p><p>I hear you, PTSD has a very debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable! </p><p>First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with compassion and kindness that you would extend a friend who is hurting. </p><p>The second step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book,<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Pioneering-Program-Restoring/dp/159179658X"> Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin</a>. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success! </p><p>You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc</a></p><p>One last thing, I suggest consulting with a nutritionist or a doctor to help you boost your healing with supplements, vitamins, and minerals. The stress from PTSD is very draining on the body, and you use up a lot of energy and resources, so at times of trauma supplements are quite necessary for recovery (Magnesium, Omega 3, Zinc, Vitamin C....etc)</p> </s> |
556b6940c969ba5861709de4 | How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? | I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-break-an-unhealthy-relationship-pattern | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Here are some things I'm wondering:</span><br></p><ul><li>Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?</li><li>What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?</li><li>Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?</li><li>What kind of relationship you want to be in?</li><li>What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?</li><li>What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?</li><li>Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.</li></ul><p>It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.</p><p>As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.</p><p>Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? <</SYS>> I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process? [/INST] <p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Here are some things I'm wondering:</span><br></p><ul><li>Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?</li><li>What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?</li><li>Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?</li><li>What kind of relationship you want to be in?</li><li>What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?</li><li>What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?</li><li>Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.</li></ul><p>It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.</p><p>As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.</p><p>Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.</p> </s> |
57745619b9ff751f196e8df4 | Why can't I let myself trust my partner? | I've been with my partner for 4 years. She's given me no reason not to trust her. But lately I've been overreacting a lot when she's just doing normal things. I think it's triggering my bad past relationships.
How can I get rid of these insecurities and be more trusting with her? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-let-myself-trust-my-partner | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Two paths are possible.</p><p>You're not overreacting and instead are genuinely sensing that something feels unsettled within your girlfriend.</p><p>You are overreacting because you have difficulty accepting how safe and loving your relationship is with this person.</p><p>The only way to find out is to start conversations with your girlfriend on how you feel.</p><p>This will allow new light to open an answer as to the truth.</p><p>Once you know what truly is going on between the two of you, your self-trust naturally will grow stronger. </p><p>Self-trust will give you an accurate read of what and whom you are able to safely trust.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I let myself trust my partner? <</SYS>> I've been with my partner for 4 years. She's given me no reason not to trust her. But lately I've been overreacting a lot when she's just doing normal things. I think it's triggering my bad past relationships.
How can I get rid of these insecurities and be more trusting with her? [/INST] <p>Two paths are possible.</p><p>You're not overreacting and instead are genuinely sensing that something feels unsettled within your girlfriend.</p><p>You are overreacting because you have difficulty accepting how safe and loving your relationship is with this person.</p><p>The only way to find out is to start conversations with your girlfriend on how you feel.</p><p>This will allow new light to open an answer as to the truth.</p><p>Once you know what truly is going on between the two of you, your self-trust naturally will grow stronger. </p><p>Self-trust will give you an accurate read of what and whom you are able to safely trust.</p> </s> |
56b6e06492c6c8121977a0ad | How can I unblock my memories? | As a child, my parents injured my brother, so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt, but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-unblock-my-memories | Trauma | Perry Griffin M.Ed., LPCA, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/perry-griffin-m-ed-lpca-ncc | <p>It's important to know that there are counselors who are trained in working with survivors of trauma and you can get help. The "blur" in your memories is your brain's attempt to protect you from the experiences in your past. To recover them can be a slow process done by a trained professional that you trust. When you are ready and feel safe, those memories can be recovered and can be integrated with other memories. This will help to lessen the potency of the memory, help to make sense of what has happened, and allow you to begin the healing process. Check into therapist who are trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I unblock my memories? <</SYS>> As a child, my parents injured my brother, so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt, but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur. [/INST] <p>It's important to know that there are counselors who are trained in working with survivors of trauma and you can get help. The "blur" in your memories is your brain's attempt to protect you from the experiences in your past. To recover them can be a slow process done by a trained professional that you trust. When you are ready and feel safe, those memories can be recovered and can be integrated with other memories. This will help to lessen the potency of the memory, help to make sense of what has happened, and allow you to begin the healing process. Check into therapist who are trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). </p> </s> |
56ff8d2afa722cdf047f294c | The girls at my coming-of-age party don't like their dresses. | I'm having a quinceañera, and the girls don't like their dresses. They never told me, and now it's a week away. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/the-girls-at-my-coming-of-age-party-don-t-like-their-dresses | Social Relationships,Children & Adolescents | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How did you find out that the girls aren't happy with their dresses?</p><p>Did you hear this directly from one of them or is this third hand information that someone else told you about one of the girls in your party?</p><p>The answer matters because gossiping instead of directly telling you about a problem, is a problem in itself.</p><p>I suggest a conversation with the entire group of girls in which you tell them how you actually are feeling about their opinions about the dresses.</p><p>One topic you may consider bringing up is what everyone expects to get out of the party. Are they coming because they like one another and wearing a dress in which the girl is happy, is only one way of having fun together?</p><p>You may learn a great deal as to the difference in values about a quinceaña among you and your friends.</p><p><br></p><p>I hope you'll have a fun party!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> The girls at my coming-of-age party don't like their dresses. <</SYS>> I'm having a quinceañera, and the girls don't like their dresses. They never told me, and now it's a week away. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>How did you find out that the girls aren't happy with their dresses?</p><p>Did you hear this directly from one of them or is this third hand information that someone else told you about one of the girls in your party?</p><p>The answer matters because gossiping instead of directly telling you about a problem, is a problem in itself.</p><p>I suggest a conversation with the entire group of girls in which you tell them how you actually are feeling about their opinions about the dresses.</p><p>One topic you may consider bringing up is what everyone expects to get out of the party. Are they coming because they like one another and wearing a dress in which the girl is happy, is only one way of having fun together?</p><p>You may learn a great deal as to the difference in values about a quinceaña among you and your friends.</p><p><br></p><p>I hope you'll have a fun party!</p> </s> |
5750eeb7c792dd6c7063e5d0 | is it normal not to feel empathy? | I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-not-to-feel-empathy | Anxiety,Depression | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Empathy is the </span><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-bidi-font-style:italic"="">ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life.
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety. But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety. A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-bidi-font-style:italic"=""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida. Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas. Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad. Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad. Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> is it normal not to feel empathy? <</SYS>> I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Empathy is the </span><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-bidi-font-style:italic"="">ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life.
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety. But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety. A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-bidi-font-style:italic"=""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida. Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas. Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad. Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad. Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.</span></p> </s> |
5664becd0901991a77b20887 | How can I help my kids get along? | For the last year, my adolescent son and daughter have been driving me nuts with fighting. I'm at my wits end. How can I get them to stop and get along? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-kids-get-along | Parenting | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>That is a good question. Unfortunately there is no generic answer with this one. Kids fight for different reasons - wanting attention, wanting respect, feeling jealous, wanting space and to be left alone, or a whole bunch of other reasons. Regardless of the underlying motivations for fighting, most conflicts result from misunderstandings and assumptions about the motivations of others and one of the best ways to start figuring out what is going on is to sit them down and have some conversations with them. </p><p>These conversations should be centred on getting a better understanding of why they are angry with each other and really understanding them. It is important that they each know that you are committed to understanding their experience rather than simply sitting them down and lecturing them about what they are doing wrong. The more they are able to understand each other and feel understood the more likely they will be cooperative and considerate of each other. </p><p>One exercise for doing this that can be very helpful is "active listening" where one person speaks and the other person reflects back what they heard the other person say and then checks for understanding. This is hard to do but it often illuminates where the misunderstandings and assumptions are. If this doesn't work it may be time to get a <a href="https://nat-roman.squarespace.com/config#/pages|/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling">family therapist </a>or counsellor involved who can help facilitate dialogue and resolve conflict. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my kids get along? <</SYS>> For the last year, my adolescent son and daughter have been driving me nuts with fighting. I'm at my wits end. How can I get them to stop and get along? [/INST] <p>That is a good question. Unfortunately there is no generic answer with this one. Kids fight for different reasons - wanting attention, wanting respect, feeling jealous, wanting space and to be left alone, or a whole bunch of other reasons. Regardless of the underlying motivations for fighting, most conflicts result from misunderstandings and assumptions about the motivations of others and one of the best ways to start figuring out what is going on is to sit them down and have some conversations with them. </p><p>These conversations should be centred on getting a better understanding of why they are angry with each other and really understanding them. It is important that they each know that you are committed to understanding their experience rather than simply sitting them down and lecturing them about what they are doing wrong. The more they are able to understand each other and feel understood the more likely they will be cooperative and considerate of each other. </p><p>One exercise for doing this that can be very helpful is "active listening" where one person speaks and the other person reflects back what they heard the other person say and then checks for understanding. This is hard to do but it often illuminates where the misunderstandings and assumptions are. If this doesn't work it may be time to get a <a href="https://nat-roman.squarespace.com/config#/pages|/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling">family therapist </a>or counsellor involved who can help facilitate dialogue and resolve conflict. </p> </s> |
571d5602eba13fca346971c6 | Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety? | I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety | Anxiety,Depression | Tanairy Fernandez, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanairy-fernandez-lmhc | <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Thank you for asking this important question. I find that there are three steps to getting ready for treatment. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Step one is expressing interest in wanting to receiving treatment for the outcome of positive behavioral change. Congratulations you did the first step! You are showing your readiness to start counseling by asking this question. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now the second step is to find a counselor who specializes in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression. The therapeutic orientations I have found to be helpful in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression are a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Mindfulness, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Receiving meditation for your symptoms if part of the treatment, and the other part is receiving counseling to increase your resilience for future events. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;">Research has found that medication and psychotherapy treatments together shows the most effective outcome for Depression. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">The third step is to increase your positive self-talk to motivate yourself to attend treatment. As counselors, we are aware of the anxieties and fears that are associated with talking to a new professional for the first time. However, remind yourself that you are doing this to improve your well being. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your treatment journey. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety? <</SYS>> I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? [/INST] <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Thank you for asking this important question. I find that there are three steps to getting ready for treatment. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Step one is expressing interest in wanting to receiving treatment for the outcome of positive behavioral change. Congratulations you did the first step! You are showing your readiness to start counseling by asking this question. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now the second step is to find a counselor who specializes in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression. The therapeutic orientations I have found to be helpful in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression are a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Mindfulness, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Receiving meditation for your symptoms if part of the treatment, and the other part is receiving counseling to increase your resilience for future events. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;">Research has found that medication and psychotherapy treatments together shows the most effective outcome for Depression. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">The third step is to increase your positive self-talk to motivate yourself to attend treatment. As counselors, we are aware of the anxieties and fears that are associated with talking to a new professional for the first time. However, remind yourself that you are doing this to improve your well being. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your treatment journey. </span></p> </s> |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Ideally you and your boyfriend will reach a balance point where you and your boyfriend are each happy with the level of involvement you have with your former boyfriend.</p><p>Start w a discussion with your current boyfriend as to what specifically he doesn't like about your friendship with your former boyfriend.</p><p>It is possible that you can answer his concerns as well he can find out from you more as to what the friendship is all about.</p><p>As a therapist, I've never seen a former romantic relationship become only a friendship. As sincere as you may be in your intention to only keep the friendship with the former relationship partner, if your former boyfriend secretly has romantic feelings for you, then at best, you've got an unclear friendship with this person.</p><p>The obvious possibility is to socialize together with your current boyfriend and your former one. If neither guy would go for this, then this would show there is an undercurrent of competition for your romantic attention.</p><p>Basically make your romantic partner's feelings and your own, the major considerations and discuss from this perspective.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy <</SYS>> I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? [/INST] <p>Ideally you and your boyfriend will reach a balance point where you and your boyfriend are each happy with the level of involvement you have with your former boyfriend.</p><p>Start w a discussion with your current boyfriend as to what specifically he doesn't like about your friendship with your former boyfriend.</p><p>It is possible that you can answer his concerns as well he can find out from you more as to what the friendship is all about.</p><p>As a therapist, I've never seen a former romantic relationship become only a friendship. As sincere as you may be in your intention to only keep the friendship with the former relationship partner, if your former boyfriend secretly has romantic feelings for you, then at best, you've got an unclear friendship with this person.</p><p>The obvious possibility is to socialize together with your current boyfriend and your former one. If neither guy would go for this, then this would show there is an undercurrent of competition for your romantic attention.</p><p>Basically make your romantic partner's feelings and your own, the major considerations and discuss from this perspective.</p> </s> |
573a0c74dc68e0c40704b147 | How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-husband-get-over-his-drinking-addiction | Addiction | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>Acknowledgment from your husband and wiling to make changes is essential first. We often try to force people to make changes hoping that they will see that we are right, even when they may not be ready. Having a willingness to work together and be supportive is fundamental in recovery. If he is not quite there yet I would snuggest individual therapy for yourself where you have an outlet and can also gain suggestions on what the next steps might be. If he is ready I would suggest you engage in therapy together and be ready to listen to him and what his needs might be. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Acknowledgment from your husband and wiling to make changes is essential first. We often try to force people to make changes hoping that they will see that we are right, even when they may not be ready. Having a willingness to work together and be supportive is fundamental in recovery. If he is not quite there yet I would snuggest individual therapy for yourself where you have an outlet and can also gain suggestions on what the next steps might be. If he is ready I would suggest you engage in therapy together and be ready to listen to him and what his needs might be. </p> </s> |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>Have the two of you ever discussed how you feel? I know given the nature of your question that's probably not likely, but I'm going to suggest it any way. He needs to understand that how you feel about this issue equates to not being as happy in the relationship as you could be or he thinks you are. So start there, that may be more of an attention getter than "you never listen to me" yes I do etc. Direct opener: I'm not as happy in this relationship as I think we both deserve. Pause, and if you won't let me talk about it then it's only going to get worse. Then explain you don't feel listened to, you try to be a good listener but you don't feel you are getting the same in return. If he interrupts put your hand up in the sign of a stop, then say please just let me finish. You are right to raise this subject with him because a good marriage can't exist in a communication vacuum. In fairness to him, he needs to understand the seriousness of your concern and have a chance to do better. If he refuses, tell him you want to seek couples counseling then do it, with him or without him.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my husband to listen to me? <</SYS>> I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? [/INST] <p>Have the two of you ever discussed how you feel? I know given the nature of your question that's probably not likely, but I'm going to suggest it any way. He needs to understand that how you feel about this issue equates to not being as happy in the relationship as you could be or he thinks you are. So start there, that may be more of an attention getter than "you never listen to me" yes I do etc. Direct opener: I'm not as happy in this relationship as I think we both deserve. Pause, and if you won't let me talk about it then it's only going to get worse. Then explain you don't feel listened to, you try to be a good listener but you don't feel you are getting the same in return. If he interrupts put your hand up in the sign of a stop, then say please just let me finish. You are right to raise this subject with him because a good marriage can't exist in a communication vacuum. In fairness to him, he needs to understand the seriousness of your concern and have a chance to do better. If he refuses, tell him you want to seek couples counseling then do it, with him or without him.</p> </s> |
56ee38b5a2549bd957c94abc | Why do I keep letting myself get cheated on? | I've been with the mother of my child for years. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-keep-letting-myself-get-cheated-on | Self-esteem,Relationships | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>I would think that you hold little self worth and feel that you are not worthy of better. I would suggest that you get to know yourself. What do you NEED in a relationship? What is holding you to this relationship other than your child? What have gone on in the relationship that makes you think or feel you deserve such disrespect? Just a few questions to ask yourself..</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I keep letting myself get cheated on? <</SYS>> I've been with the mother of my child for years. [/INST] <p>I would think that you hold little self worth and feel that you are not worthy of better. I would suggest that you get to know yourself. What do you NEED in a relationship? What is holding you to this relationship other than your child? What have gone on in the relationship that makes you think or feel you deserve such disrespect? Just a few questions to ask yourself..</p> </s> |
575e87241678099351171091 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | Anxiety | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman""="" style="font-size: 11.5pt;">Yes, it seems like you may have a type of anxiety: but considering that it is intermittent, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and explore what triggers the anxiety. Different types of anxiety are caused by different scenarios, memories, or stressors. Once you identify what triggers the anxiety, you may be able to identify the coping mechanism that will help you handle your symptoms.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#2e74b5;mso-themecolor:accent1;="" mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="" style="font-size: 16pt;">¿Tengo algún tipo de ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">A veces estoy bien, puedo salir a reunirme con personas, pero otros días, mi corazón se acelera y las palabras no salen de mi boca. Siempre pensé que era normal y que solo estaba nervioso, pero el otro día, me tomo casi 30 minutos encontrar el valor para salir del carro y entrar a Target.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Si parece que tienes un tipo de ansiedad, y considerando que es intermitente, puede ser útil hablar con un consejero para explorar su causa. Hay diferentes tupos de ansiedad que son causados por diferentes estímulos, memorias y escenarios. Ya que logres identificar que causa tu ansiedad, entonces podrás aprender mecanismos de defensa que te ayuden a controlar la ansiedad. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have some type of anxiety? <</SYS>> Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman""="" style="font-size: 11.5pt;">Yes, it seems like you may have a type of anxiety: but considering that it is intermittent, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and explore what triggers the anxiety. Different types of anxiety are caused by different scenarios, memories, or stressors. Once you identify what triggers the anxiety, you may be able to identify the coping mechanism that will help you handle your symptoms.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#2e74b5;mso-themecolor:accent1;="" mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="" style="font-size: 16pt;">¿Tengo algún tipo de ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">A veces estoy bien, puedo salir a reunirme con personas, pero otros días, mi corazón se acelera y las palabras no salen de mi boca. Siempre pensé que era normal y que solo estaba nervioso, pero el otro día, me tomo casi 30 minutos encontrar el valor para salir del carro y entrar a Target.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Si parece que tienes un tipo de ansiedad, y considerando que es intermitente, puede ser útil hablar con un consejero para explorar su causa. Hay diferentes tupos de ansiedad que son causados por diferentes estímulos, memorias y escenarios. Ya que logres identificar que causa tu ansiedad, entonces podrás aprender mecanismos de defensa que te ayuden a controlar la ansiedad. </span></p> </s> |
5747b49fc792dd6c7063e459 | How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her? | She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-kick-my-stepdaughter-out-of-our-house-because-she-isn-t-honoring-boundaries-set-for-her | Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Well, first let's identify what factors are involved in the situation about which you wrote.</p><p>Are you the only decision maker regarding your stepdaughter living with you?</p><p>Is her dad, and your partner, living under the same roof?</p><p>Would you feel any obligation to consult with your husband about his opinion and his way of handling the situation?</p><p>Have you talked with your stepdaughter about your observation and your reaction to the fact of her not honoring your boundaries?</p><p>Consider too that there will be an effect on the toddler, your grandchild, if you kick out your daughter.</p><p>Is your daughter financially ready to live on her own and support herself and her child?</p><p>You certainly have the right to define the terms of what goes on under your roof.</p><p>It is only fair to everyone that as many variables as possible, be considered.</p><p>The conclusion may be that it is in everyone's best interest for your stepdaughter to move out.</p><p>If everyone feels respected and a well thought out plan is developed, then the least amount of hurt and stress, and the most amount of happiness, will be possible from this change.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her? <</SYS>> She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler. [/INST] <p>Well, first let's identify what factors are involved in the situation about which you wrote.</p><p>Are you the only decision maker regarding your stepdaughter living with you?</p><p>Is her dad, and your partner, living under the same roof?</p><p>Would you feel any obligation to consult with your husband about his opinion and his way of handling the situation?</p><p>Have you talked with your stepdaughter about your observation and your reaction to the fact of her not honoring your boundaries?</p><p>Consider too that there will be an effect on the toddler, your grandchild, if you kick out your daughter.</p><p>Is your daughter financially ready to live on her own and support herself and her child?</p><p>You certainly have the right to define the terms of what goes on under your roof.</p><p>It is only fair to everyone that as many variables as possible, be considered.</p><p>The conclusion may be that it is in everyone's best interest for your stepdaughter to move out.</p><p>If everyone feels respected and a well thought out plan is developed, then the least amount of hurt and stress, and the most amount of happiness, will be possible from this change.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
56f4c1a7b814e1ce46371906 | How can I get over my posttraumatic stress disorder without my parents knowing about it? | I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-my-parents-knowing-about-it | Trauma,Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>What is the reason you wouldn't want your parents to know you are trying to find your way through PTSD?</p><p>Would they believe that you've been traumatized?</p><p>And, do you feel that your parents had a hand in creating your trauma?</p><p>There is no need to tell your parents you have PTSD unless you feel that doing so will help you. Maybe you intuitively realize that they don't want to understand or know about this.</p><p>How did you come to the conclusion that you have PTSD?</p><p>If you are working with a therapist, and a minor, then the laws of your State dictate what information your parents can ask your therapist about you.</p><p>If you are a grown person and working with a therapist, you have complete legally protected privacy of what you talk about with your therapist.</p><p>In any case, a good starting point is to know exactly your own reason for wishing to keep your psychological situation hidden from your parents.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get over my posttraumatic stress disorder without my parents knowing about it? <</SYS>> I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age. [/INST] <p>What is the reason you wouldn't want your parents to know you are trying to find your way through PTSD?</p><p>Would they believe that you've been traumatized?</p><p>And, do you feel that your parents had a hand in creating your trauma?</p><p>There is no need to tell your parents you have PTSD unless you feel that doing so will help you. Maybe you intuitively realize that they don't want to understand or know about this.</p><p>How did you come to the conclusion that you have PTSD?</p><p>If you are working with a therapist, and a minor, then the laws of your State dictate what information your parents can ask your therapist about you.</p><p>If you are a grown person and working with a therapist, you have complete legally protected privacy of what you talk about with your therapist.</p><p>In any case, a good starting point is to know exactly your own reason for wishing to keep your psychological situation hidden from your parents.</p> </s> |
55d431424eadfb434bcb5bfa | I keep on changing my life when things get tough. | I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-keep-on-changing-my-life-when-things-get-tough | Anxiety,Career Counseling | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Many times when things become difficult to manage, is because we are getting out of our comfort zone, so we seek growth and change. Coping with the difficulties does make you more resilient and helps you to build the confidence you need to solve problems in the future. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Now I wonder: are things getting tough in a way that you are not able to resolve them? Do you need to move or change to save yourself or prevent any harm? If so, it is OK to know when to remove ourselves form situations that harm us more than helping us. On the other hand, are the things getting tough because you need to learn a new skill? If so, how can you learn them and is there someone who can help you overcome this challenge? I help my clients to identify their strengths and areas where they can achieve growth, things like polishing up your resume and evaluate new job opportunities could help you discover a new you.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">If you would like to engage in counseling, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";color:#666666"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Cada vez que las cosas se ponen difíciles, hago cambios en mi vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">He sido así desde que estaba en la escuela; antes me transfería de escuela. Ahora pienso cambiar de trabajo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Muchas veces cuando las situaciones se tornan en difíciles de manejar, es porque nos sacan de nuestra zona de comodidad, con el propósito de buscar el cambio y el crecimiento. Manejar las dificultades si te vuelve más resistente, y desarrolla tu autoestima para que puedas resolver problemas en el futuro. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Ahora, te pregunto: ¿se están poniendo las cosas difíciles al punto que no puedes manejarlas? ¿Necesitas removerte de la situación para evitar que te hagan daño? Si es así, entonces está bien reconocer cuando nos debemos remover de una situación dañina que nos daña más de lo que nos permite crecer. O por el otro lado, ¿Se están poniendo las cosas difíciles porque necesitas a prender una nueva destreza? Si es así, ¿cómo puedes aprender esa destreza y quien te puede ayudar?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Ayudo a mis clientes a identificar sus fortalezas y áreas de crecimiento, el actualizar y pulir tu resume junto con explorar opciones de empleo, te puede llevar a descubrir nuevos talentos en ti.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">Si te gustaría hacer una cita, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt;">.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I keep on changing my life when things get tough. <</SYS>> I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Many times when things become difficult to manage, is because we are getting out of our comfort zone, so we seek growth and change. Coping with the difficulties does make you more resilient and helps you to build the confidence you need to solve problems in the future. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Now I wonder: are things getting tough in a way that you are not able to resolve them? Do you need to move or change to save yourself or prevent any harm? If so, it is OK to know when to remove ourselves form situations that harm us more than helping us. On the other hand, are the things getting tough because you need to learn a new skill? If so, how can you learn them and is there someone who can help you overcome this challenge? I help my clients to identify their strengths and areas where they can achieve growth, things like polishing up your resume and evaluate new job opportunities could help you discover a new you.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">If you would like to engage in counseling, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";color:#666666"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Cada vez que las cosas se ponen difíciles, hago cambios en mi vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">He sido así desde que estaba en la escuela; antes me transfería de escuela. Ahora pienso cambiar de trabajo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Muchas veces cuando las situaciones se tornan en difíciles de manejar, es porque nos sacan de nuestra zona de comodidad, con el propósito de buscar el cambio y el crecimiento. Manejar las dificultades si te vuelve más resistente, y desarrolla tu autoestima para que puedas resolver problemas en el futuro. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Ahora, te pregunto: ¿se están poniendo las cosas difíciles al punto que no puedes manejarlas? ¿Necesitas removerte de la situación para evitar que te hagan daño? Si es así, entonces está bien reconocer cuando nos debemos remover de una situación dañina que nos daña más de lo que nos permite crecer. O por el otro lado, ¿Se están poniendo las cosas difíciles porque necesitas a prender una nueva destreza? Si es así, ¿cómo puedes aprender esa destreza y quien te puede ayudar?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Ayudo a mis clientes a identificar sus fortalezas y áreas de crecimiento, el actualizar y pulir tu resume junto con explorar opciones de empleo, te puede llevar a descubrir nuevos talentos en ti.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">Si te gustaría hacer una cita, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt;">.</span></p> </s> |
5748864ac792dd6c7063e479 | Is it normal to hate my mom? | She has chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, and I’m her caregiver. All she does is complain, hit me, call me names, and say things happened that didn’t. When I tell her, she explodes. I didn’t always hate her, but now every little thing she does irritates me, and I don’t have the means to live on my own. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-hate-my-mom | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like you are hating some of the things that your mom does rather than hating her.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Something you may be able to do is call the area agency on aging for the county where you live and ask for information about having other people help to care for your mom. I don't know how old your mom is, but if she is younger, they would probably have resources to other ways that you could have help. If you are both open to the possibility of someone else helping out, this may help with some of the difficulties between you if you are not spending quite as much time together. Do you think your mom is able to actually recognize how what she does and says affects you?</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">From whom do you have support during all of this?</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to hate my mom? <</SYS>> She has chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, and I’m her caregiver. All she does is complain, hit me, call me names, and say things happened that didn’t. When I tell her, she explodes. I didn’t always hate her, but now every little thing she does irritates me, and I don’t have the means to live on my own. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are hating some of the things that your mom does rather than hating her.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Something you may be able to do is call the area agency on aging for the county where you live and ask for information about having other people help to care for your mom. I don't know how old your mom is, but if she is younger, they would probably have resources to other ways that you could have help. If you are both open to the possibility of someone else helping out, this may help with some of the difficulties between you if you are not spending quite as much time together. Do you think your mom is able to actually recognize how what she does and says affects you?</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">From whom do you have support during all of this?</span></p> </s> |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>I'm sorry you feel so alone and isolated, those feelings in and of themselves can lead to depression, stress and anxiety. So job one is finding someone you can talk to. A good friend or an open parent can be as helpful as a professional counselor, but if you don't have those, then by all means call your local Mental Health Association, suicide prevention, or go see your school counseling department. There are many of us now who do on-line, FaceTime, phone counseling so that is an option to consider in your situation. On the other hand, If you want to script a conversation with your parents (I'm a great believer in scripting) not that you're going to read it to them, but if you write down exactly what you want to say, read it over a few times before you're ready to have the conversation. Why? You'll be much more likely to do it if you're prepared, and you'll have a better chance of saying everything you want to say in a calm but forceful way. The same with your friends--you are probably a great listener and therefore attract people who want to talk--so you need to let these friends know you need something in return. If you practice asking for equal talk time, then perhaps these friends will respond and surprise you, or if you make those demands you'll start attracting people who are looking for equality in friendships. Now back to that script--first decide do you want to talk to both parents at once, or one at a time. Then begin to write down the points you want to make such as: I love you, and I know you love me but I don't feel as though I can trust your love to be unconditional enough to tell you who I really am, and how I really feel. Find your own words to describe your own feelings. If I can help, get in touch. You are right to reach out starting here, there are no prizes for suffering in silence and, as you already know, little joy in going it alone. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get people to listen? <</SYS>> I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry you feel so alone and isolated, those feelings in and of themselves can lead to depression, stress and anxiety. So job one is finding someone you can talk to. A good friend or an open parent can be as helpful as a professional counselor, but if you don't have those, then by all means call your local Mental Health Association, suicide prevention, or go see your school counseling department. There are many of us now who do on-line, FaceTime, phone counseling so that is an option to consider in your situation. On the other hand, If you want to script a conversation with your parents (I'm a great believer in scripting) not that you're going to read it to them, but if you write down exactly what you want to say, read it over a few times before you're ready to have the conversation. Why? You'll be much more likely to do it if you're prepared, and you'll have a better chance of saying everything you want to say in a calm but forceful way. The same with your friends--you are probably a great listener and therefore attract people who want to talk--so you need to let these friends know you need something in return. If you practice asking for equal talk time, then perhaps these friends will respond and surprise you, or if you make those demands you'll start attracting people who are looking for equality in friendships. Now back to that script--first decide do you want to talk to both parents at once, or one at a time. Then begin to write down the points you want to make such as: I love you, and I know you love me but I don't feel as though I can trust your love to be unconditional enough to tell you who I really am, and how I really feel. Find your own words to describe your own feelings. If I can help, get in touch. You are right to reach out starting here, there are no prizes for suffering in silence and, as you already know, little joy in going it alone. </p> </s> |
5769f3bd008fce8e73e1ebfd | How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic | Addiction,Substance Abuse | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p><div class="description readable"><p><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; white-space: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Our culture "normalizes" drinking but a psychotherapist can diagnose someone with an alcohol problem. They can use various scales as well as the diagnostic manual ICD-10 to assist them in making the proper diagnosis.</span></p><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; "><br></div></div></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p><div class="description readable"><p><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; white-space: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Our culture "normalizes" drinking but a psychotherapist can diagnose someone with an alcohol problem. They can use various scales as well as the diagnostic manual ICD-10 to assist them in making the proper diagnosis.</span></p><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; "><br></div></div></p> </s> |
56453f5d0a6eb23613af04b4 | My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. | He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-wants-a-divorce-after-i-was-diagnosed-with-severe-depression | Relationship Dissolution ,Depression | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>Wow that is tough. There is nothing worse than fearing abandonment when you are already struggling with depression. It sounds like you are still wanting to work through whatever challenges you and your husband are having but your husband may not be on the same page. I would encourage you and your husband to seek professional support if you haven't already. While depression can put real strains on a relationship, <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling/" target="_blank">relationship problems</a> can lead to or contribute to depression and there may be some real benefits to both of you in doing some couple therapy. With that being said - if your husband is not willing to do therapy or is clear that he wants the relationship to end, then I can't see what choice you have but to "respect his decision" as you mentioned. This doesn't mean that you have to feel okay with the decision - as I'm sure you wouldn't - but ultimately loving one another and <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce" target="_blank">staying in committed relationships</a> is a choice that we each have to make. If he is wanting to leave - this could make things a lot tougher for you. I would encourage you to seek professional support for yourself a<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">nd reach out to lots of friends and family. You do not need to face depression alone - nor should you have to. We all need support at tough times like these. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. <</SYS>> He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. [/INST] <p>Wow that is tough. There is nothing worse than fearing abandonment when you are already struggling with depression. It sounds like you are still wanting to work through whatever challenges you and your husband are having but your husband may not be on the same page. I would encourage you and your husband to seek professional support if you haven't already. While depression can put real strains on a relationship, <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy/couples-therapy-marriage-counselling/" target="_blank">relationship problems</a> can lead to or contribute to depression and there may be some real benefits to both of you in doing some couple therapy. With that being said - if your husband is not willing to do therapy or is clear that he wants the relationship to end, then I can't see what choice you have but to "respect his decision" as you mentioned. This doesn't mean that you have to feel okay with the decision - as I'm sure you wouldn't - but ultimately loving one another and <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce" target="_blank">staying in committed relationships</a> is a choice that we each have to make. If he is wanting to leave - this could make things a lot tougher for you. I would encourage you to seek professional support for yourself a<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">nd reach out to lots of friends and family. You do not need to face depression alone - nor should you have to. We all need support at tough times like these. </span></p> </s> |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>I just want to understand before I answer. Who exactly is complaining?</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid family members who stress me out? <</SYS>> My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] <p>I just want to understand before I answer. Who exactly is complaining?</p><p><br></p> </s> |
572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed | My sister and my husband had an affair. | It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair | Family Conflict,Marriage | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>What is going on in your life that brings up more sensitivity to the affair?</p><p>The best way of handling your hurt is by noticing your own feelings and the current circumstances that increase your sense of pain.</p><p>Concentrate on your own life and making your life the best it can be.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My sister and my husband had an affair. <</SYS>> It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>What is going on in your life that brings up more sensitivity to the affair?</p><p>The best way of handling your hurt is by noticing your own feelings and the current circumstances that increase your sense of pain.</p><p>Concentrate on your own life and making your life the best it can be.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
579c4f94188cd61c1684e819 | Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend? | I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.
Why this is happening and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend | Human Sexuality,Intimacy | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p>First off, I want to acknowledge the emotional pain you must be experiencing about not being able to experience an erection -- you're not alone. And, it took a lot of courage for you to post your query here. Below you will find excellent advice from skilled clinicians regarding your question and concern. If you haven't done so already I'd encourage you to checkout the Mayo Clinic's website on this very topic (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047).</p><p>Once you've ruled out any medical-organic issues with either your PCP or Urologist I recommend you work with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and/or Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and do some psychotherapy around attachment/family-of-origin, intimacy, self-image, trauma history, sex history, pornography, etc. ). There is hope.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend? <</SYS>> I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.
Why this is happening and what can I do about it? [/INST] <p>First off, I want to acknowledge the emotional pain you must be experiencing about not being able to experience an erection -- you're not alone. And, it took a lot of courage for you to post your query here. Below you will find excellent advice from skilled clinicians regarding your question and concern. If you haven't done so already I'd encourage you to checkout the Mayo Clinic's website on this very topic (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047).</p><p>Once you've ruled out any medical-organic issues with either your PCP or Urologist I recommend you work with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and/or Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and do some psychotherapy around attachment/family-of-origin, intimacy, self-image, trauma history, sex history, pornography, etc. ). There is hope.</p> </s> |
570008d738d8448168a85d94 | Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away? | My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-if-i-take-my-friend-s-pills-away | Social Relationships,Substance Abuse | Aleisha Stewart | https://counselchat.com/therapists/aleisha-stewart | <p>First of all, where did you find the pills? Did you have to go into her private space or things to find them? If so, you might want to do some research on codependency. I recommend the book "The Everything Guide to Codependency." You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/The-Everything-Guide-Codependency-codependent/dp/1440573905 . It's not honest to go searching through someone's things. You dislike the deceit in her, so why model it in yourself?</p><p>If the pills were just left out, that's a different story. Again though, model honesty. Talk to about what you found. Avoid being accusitory. A good old "I found these...what's going on with this?" might be a good place to start. Tell her how it makes you feel. Have you ever heard of "I statements?" Google this....you will find a lot of good templates on how to frame this conversation. </p><p>At the end of the day though, these are her choices. Not yours. All you can do is tell her how you feel, make a few gentle suggestions, and get back to taking care of you. If it gets to the point where seeing her downward spiral is too much for you, let her know this and tell her you can no longer be involved, for the sake of your own health and sanity. </p><p>There is nothing wrong with trying to help, but ask yourself, are you really being helpful? If you are starting to feel resentful, know that you have crossed the line into codependency and back away.</p><p>Hope this helps and all the best,</p><p><br></p><p><br>Aleisha</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away? <</SYS>> My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. [/INST] <p>First of all, where did you find the pills? Did you have to go into her private space or things to find them? If so, you might want to do some research on codependency. I recommend the book "The Everything Guide to Codependency." You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/The-Everything-Guide-Codependency-codependent/dp/1440573905 . It's not honest to go searching through someone's things. You dislike the deceit in her, so why model it in yourself?</p><p>If the pills were just left out, that's a different story. Again though, model honesty. Talk to about what you found. Avoid being accusitory. A good old "I found these...what's going on with this?" might be a good place to start. Tell her how it makes you feel. Have you ever heard of "I statements?" Google this....you will find a lot of good templates on how to frame this conversation. </p><p>At the end of the day though, these are her choices. Not yours. All you can do is tell her how you feel, make a few gentle suggestions, and get back to taking care of you. If it gets to the point where seeing her downward spiral is too much for you, let her know this and tell her you can no longer be involved, for the sake of your own health and sanity. </p><p>There is nothing wrong with trying to help, but ask yourself, are you really being helpful? If you are starting to feel resentful, know that you have crossed the line into codependency and back away.</p><p>Hope this helps and all the best,</p><p><br></p><p><br>Aleisha</p> </s> |
55e5f4856ac2b0c65954a852 | I cheated on my husband with one of his good friends a few years ago | We kissed and he grabbed my boobs and we exchanged some texts and a few calls. It went on for about 8 months. Just when we were all together and our spouses were out of the room. Once I met him for lunch to tell him that we needed to stop. We ended up kissing after lunch and then I sent him a few more texts that day telling him I was serious and that was the end of it. His wife (my good friend) saw us kiss once and told my husband. I told him a couple of things then and we got over it.
A year later she told him a couple of other things. Same story. It's been about 3 years since. They are now divorced and my husband and I have been happy. A few weeks ago the wife called me and said that her now ex told her more stuff we did. I decided to just tell my husband everything. We are trying to work things out. But he is having a really hard time believing that he knows all of it. How can I help him believe me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-cheated-on-my-husband-with-one-of-his-good-friends-a-few-years-ago | Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>The issue at hand here is that you're betrayal broke his trust. In order to repair your relationship you will both need to <span style="color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.701961);float: none;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">confront the infidelity. And both of you will need to honor yourselves by communicating your feelings and ensuring that those feelings are heard and validated. It would be really helpful to do this work with a Gottman or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist. Gottman's The Science of Trust and What Makes Love Last would both be helpful reference books to guide you along. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I cheated on my husband with one of his good friends a few years ago <</SYS>> We kissed and he grabbed my boobs and we exchanged some texts and a few calls. It went on for about 8 months. Just when we were all together and our spouses were out of the room. Once I met him for lunch to tell him that we needed to stop. We ended up kissing after lunch and then I sent him a few more texts that day telling him I was serious and that was the end of it. His wife (my good friend) saw us kiss once and told my husband. I told him a couple of things then and we got over it.
A year later she told him a couple of other things. Same story. It's been about 3 years since. They are now divorced and my husband and I have been happy. A few weeks ago the wife called me and said that her now ex told her more stuff we did. I decided to just tell my husband everything. We are trying to work things out. But he is having a really hard time believing that he knows all of it. How can I help him believe me? [/INST] <p>The issue at hand here is that you're betrayal broke his trust. In order to repair your relationship you will both need to <span style="color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.701961);float: none;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">confront the infidelity. And both of you will need to honor yourselves by communicating your feelings and ensuring that those feelings are heard and validated. It would be really helpful to do this work with a Gottman or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist. Gottman's The Science of Trust and What Makes Love Last would both be helpful reference books to guide you along. </span></p> </s> |
5797e507b43cd7825e26e24c | I feel like my mother doesn't support me. | My mother is combative with me when I say I don't want to talk with her about my depression.
She hasn't been supportive of me in the past and she isn't someone that I feel comfortable opening up to. She constantly tries to instigate conversations where she asks me questions that I don't want to or can't answer. I tell her I don't want to talk and she starts arguments with me.
How can I get her to understand? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-my-mother-doesn-t-support-me | Family Conflict,Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Your situation sounds extremely frustrating.</p><p>You're doing the right move to state you don't want to discuss your depression with her.</p><p>I guess you could ask if she would like to know your reason to not speak w her about your depression. If you feel she can handle a reasonable conversation, and you would like to tell her your true reason, then schedule this or bring up the topic at a neutral time, not in the middle of an argument.</p><p>Having an unsupportive mom is difficult enough to accept. You may feel greater success and peach of mind to meditate on accepting her lack of understanding than to engage in arguing when she starts this.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel like my mother doesn't support me. <</SYS>> My mother is combative with me when I say I don't want to talk with her about my depression.
She hasn't been supportive of me in the past and she isn't someone that I feel comfortable opening up to. She constantly tries to instigate conversations where she asks me questions that I don't want to or can't answer. I tell her I don't want to talk and she starts arguments with me.
How can I get her to understand? [/INST] <p>Your situation sounds extremely frustrating.</p><p>You're doing the right move to state you don't want to discuss your depression with her.</p><p>I guess you could ask if she would like to know your reason to not speak w her about your depression. If you feel she can handle a reasonable conversation, and you would like to tell her your true reason, then schedule this or bring up the topic at a neutral time, not in the middle of an argument.</p><p>Having an unsupportive mom is difficult enough to accept. You may feel greater success and peach of mind to meditate on accepting her lack of understanding than to engage in arguing when she starts this.</p> </s> |
5756ea7bc792dd6c7063e723 | I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. | I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-soon-to-be-married-and-i-ve-been-messing-around-with-others | Relationships,Intimacy,LGBTQ | Lorrie Guerra | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lorrie-guerra | <p>I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as, is it more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. <</SYS>> I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as, is it more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?<br></p> </s> |
573a0c74dc68e0c40704b147 | How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-husband-get-over-his-drinking-addiction | Addiction | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <div>It's not easy to be married to an alcoholic and I want to extend my support to you. Without knowing the pattern of his substance use, I'll accept your description that he is an addict. </div><div><br></div><div>The short version is that his addiction is not in your hands. Period. However, addiction is a "family disease", so you are definitely connected to it. Most people benefit from professional help, whether they are the addict or the other person. You might read some material from al-anon to improve your insight into how addiction works within relationships. It is safe to say that you are likely to have a role as a "co-dependent" or "enabler". The most common pattern is doing overt and subtle things that insulate the addict from the consequences of their behaviors. From calling out sick for the person when they're hung-over to allowing money to pay for alcohol, to simply remaining in the relationship, these are all behaviors that make the addiction more likely to continue. </div><div><br></div><div>Change is difficult for all of us, especially when a physical dependency on a substance may be involved. But the awkward truth is that not one of us ever made a change unless we were in at least some pain. Pain in our present circumstance is a requirement to achieve change. By "enabling" your husband, you minimize that pain. Let me state again, though, that his addiction is not in your control and it's not for you to fix. You can, however, change your own behaviors in ways that might change his odds. Even if he does not get over his drinking addiction, as a general rule, you will be happier if you stop being a participant in it. </div><div><br></div><div>Many people find that an addiction removes the addict from the relationship -- they're not really there, even if they appear to be. At the same time, there's a third person -- the substance. Some people choose not to remain in a relationship that's constructed in this odd and off-balance way.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope that gives you some thought-starters but I would encourage you to seek in-person help from a local provider. And I wish for you and your husband recovery and well-being. Best regards,</div><div>Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <div>It's not easy to be married to an alcoholic and I want to extend my support to you. Without knowing the pattern of his substance use, I'll accept your description that he is an addict. </div><div><br></div><div>The short version is that his addiction is not in your hands. Period. However, addiction is a "family disease", so you are definitely connected to it. Most people benefit from professional help, whether they are the addict or the other person. You might read some material from al-anon to improve your insight into how addiction works within relationships. It is safe to say that you are likely to have a role as a "co-dependent" or "enabler". The most common pattern is doing overt and subtle things that insulate the addict from the consequences of their behaviors. From calling out sick for the person when they're hung-over to allowing money to pay for alcohol, to simply remaining in the relationship, these are all behaviors that make the addiction more likely to continue. </div><div><br></div><div>Change is difficult for all of us, especially when a physical dependency on a substance may be involved. But the awkward truth is that not one of us ever made a change unless we were in at least some pain. Pain in our present circumstance is a requirement to achieve change. By "enabling" your husband, you minimize that pain. Let me state again, though, that his addiction is not in your control and it's not for you to fix. You can, however, change your own behaviors in ways that might change his odds. Even if he does not get over his drinking addiction, as a general rule, you will be happier if you stop being a participant in it. </div><div><br></div><div>Many people find that an addiction removes the addict from the relationship -- they're not really there, even if they appear to be. At the same time, there's a third person -- the substance. Some people choose not to remain in a relationship that's constructed in this odd and off-balance way.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope that gives you some thought-starters but I would encourage you to seek in-person help from a local provider. And I wish for you and your husband recovery and well-being. Best regards,</div><div>Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> </s> |
55cd13ce62d3feaf42f11d54 | Why is he treating me like I am not a good woman? | I am currently living in a hotel and I don’t have a family. I met a guy a month ago. He is a bisexual. He has a lot of gay friends on social networking sites. He would not help pay for the room. When I asked for the TV remote control, he threw it elsewhere and asked me to get it. I slapped him and asked him to leave my room. We recently just got back together. One time I was sick. He came to visit and feed me but left no money. Then he texts me and brags about his house and car knowing that I have struggles living at a hotel. He says that he has a whole house where he can put me in and orders me to text him whenever I need someone to have sex with. He left his bath soap so he could come and get it. I think that he is trying to find a way to come back. Please help me. What’s going on? I am a good, loyal woman. Why is he treating me like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-he-treating-me-like-i-am-not-a-good-woman | Relationships,Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Lisa Shouldice | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto | <p>I am less concerned about this man as bisexual and having gay friends, than about how you feel is treating you. You are in a vulnerable position because of social isolation. If you have friends to talk to, please reach out. While this man has money, it is not his job to take care of you financially unless the two of you have decided that together. It sounds like he sometimes cares for you and other times you feel disrespected. I would suggest you look for a man that is consistent in his love and care. This is not your fault. But you are in control of removing him from you life or choosing not to because he meets some of your needs. Take care. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why is he treating me like I am not a good woman? <</SYS>> I am currently living in a hotel and I don’t have a family. I met a guy a month ago. He is a bisexual. He has a lot of gay friends on social networking sites. He would not help pay for the room. When I asked for the TV remote control, he threw it elsewhere and asked me to get it. I slapped him and asked him to leave my room. We recently just got back together. One time I was sick. He came to visit and feed me but left no money. Then he texts me and brags about his house and car knowing that I have struggles living at a hotel. He says that he has a whole house where he can put me in and orders me to text him whenever I need someone to have sex with. He left his bath soap so he could come and get it. I think that he is trying to find a way to come back. Please help me. What’s going on? I am a good, loyal woman. Why is he treating me like this? [/INST] <p>I am less concerned about this man as bisexual and having gay friends, than about how you feel is treating you. You are in a vulnerable position because of social isolation. If you have friends to talk to, please reach out. While this man has money, it is not his job to take care of you financially unless the two of you have decided that together. It sounds like he sometimes cares for you and other times you feel disrespected. I would suggest you look for a man that is consistent in his love and care. This is not your fault. But you are in control of removing him from you life or choosing not to because he meets some of your needs. Take care. </p> </s> |
5670b5124c6f6bda188fb893 | How can I stop abusing alcohol? | I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-abusing-alcohol | Addiction,Substance Abuse | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>You are not hopeless, as you can see there are many people who care about your well being and believe you can overcome this. I would suggest that you first get evaluated for your alcohol consumption. Alcohol is one of the addictions that you may need to seek inpatient treatment for. If not inpatient then be monitored by a doctor. Once you are evaluated and or complete inpatient treatment I would suggest you participate in a form of outpatient therapy on a consistent basis. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I stop abusing alcohol? <</SYS>> I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. [/INST] <p>You are not hopeless, as you can see there are many people who care about your well being and believe you can overcome this. I would suggest that you first get evaluated for your alcohol consumption. Alcohol is one of the addictions that you may need to seek inpatient treatment for. If not inpatient then be monitored by a doctor. Once you are evaluated and or complete inpatient treatment I would suggest you participate in a form of outpatient therapy on a consistent basis. </p> </s> |
5768aa9d008fce8e73e1ebc6 | I completely lost myself—how can I find myself again? | I've become so jaded that I can't control my thoughts. I cannot focus on anything and been having anxiety attacks. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-completely-lost-myself-how-can-i-find-myself-again | Anxiety,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I imagine that it's pretty disconcerting to feel as though you lost yourself.</p><p>When you said that you are jaded, I'm not sure whether you mean that you are jaded toward someone, something, life in general, or some combination thereof.</p><p>One of the difficult things about anxiety is that anxiety can lead to more anxiety because of being concerned about having another panic attack. Consider remembering that panic attacks usually only last a few minutes and the reason they don't go away right away is because of the way your brain releases chemicals because some part of your brain is reacting as if you are in danger in some way.</p><p>As far as finding yourself, you may consider looking at what parts of each day you can control as a way to stay centered. You could also focus on something that makes you feel happy and/or comfortable.</p><p>You may also consider the list of values here to give yourself an idea of what is most important to you, what it is that you are living by now, and what values you would prefer to live by. http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification</p><p>If this proves to be difficult, consider seeing a local therapist.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I completely lost myself—how can I find myself again? <</SYS>> I've become so jaded that I can't control my thoughts. I cannot focus on anything and been having anxiety attacks. [/INST] <p>I imagine that it's pretty disconcerting to feel as though you lost yourself.</p><p>When you said that you are jaded, I'm not sure whether you mean that you are jaded toward someone, something, life in general, or some combination thereof.</p><p>One of the difficult things about anxiety is that anxiety can lead to more anxiety because of being concerned about having another panic attack. Consider remembering that panic attacks usually only last a few minutes and the reason they don't go away right away is because of the way your brain releases chemicals because some part of your brain is reacting as if you are in danger in some way.</p><p>As far as finding yourself, you may consider looking at what parts of each day you can control as a way to stay centered. You could also focus on something that makes you feel happy and/or comfortable.</p><p>You may also consider the list of values here to give yourself an idea of what is most important to you, what it is that you are living by now, and what values you would prefer to live by. http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification</p><p>If this proves to be difficult, consider seeing a local therapist.</p> </s> |
558c00e843308c50345fdde9 | My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences? | In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-and-family-has-different-views-about-religion-how-do-i-resolve-these-differences | Spirituality,Family Conflict | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction. </p><p>There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial. </p><p>Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues. </p><p>Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences? <</SYS>> In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs. [/INST] <p>I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction. </p><p>There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial. </p><p>Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues. </p><p>Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential. </p> </s> |
579cafb8188cd61c1684e81d | Can i learn to be happy alone? | I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one.
How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-learn-to-be-happy-alone | Depression,Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Is it possible that even though your illness is chronic, that it goes through phases in which you are more comfortable and that it requires less focus from you than at other times?</p><p>I think the idea of having a lifelong illness is frustrating and can be depressing to think about. </p><p>Thoughts are not necessarily the truth of what will actually happen though.</p><p>Illness makes negative situations look worse so be sure you are concentrating on specific areas of your life and not just assuming they will work out badly because you are ill.</p><p>One way to be happy alone is to love and appreciate, nurture and be kind to yourself.</p><p>This frame of mind may generate new answers to find ways of being among other people too.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can i learn to be happy alone? <</SYS>> I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one.
How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone? [/INST] <p>Is it possible that even though your illness is chronic, that it goes through phases in which you are more comfortable and that it requires less focus from you than at other times?</p><p>I think the idea of having a lifelong illness is frustrating and can be depressing to think about. </p><p>Thoughts are not necessarily the truth of what will actually happen though.</p><p>Illness makes negative situations look worse so be sure you are concentrating on specific areas of your life and not just assuming they will work out badly because you are ill.</p><p>One way to be happy alone is to love and appreciate, nurture and be kind to yourself.</p><p>This frame of mind may generate new answers to find ways of being among other people too.</p> </s> |
569a95c7de405677109cb558 | How can I get over my ex-boyfriend cheating on me? | It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic. My father cheated on my mother when I was little. I wonder if this pain has to do with that. My ex-boyfriend and I were only dating for five months, but I still can't get over this betrayal. I'm not sure what to feel to get over it: forgiveness? Hate? He helped me financially after our break up by lending me $3000, so I'm grateful for that. I still hate him for what he did and still want him to like me although we're not even talking anymore. We follow each other on Instagram and that's it. I feel like I still need his validation. This is haunting me day and night. I want to focus on my new relationship and goals, but I keep obsessing over this and keep checking my ex-boyfriend's Instagram and Facebook. I feel so bad and keep having nightmares. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-ex-boyfriend-cheating-on-me | Trauma,Self-esteem,Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship.</p><p>Continue developing some points you've written here.</p><p>That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to expect similar circumstances in your relationship life.</p><p>This is a natural dynamic which happens for all of us. What we observe in our growing up households is what we understand as "normal", no matter how bad it actually is.</p><p>After all, children don't have the ability to separate that what their own parents do, is wrong compared with the rest of our culture.</p><p>It is natural to long for a relationship.</p><p>What you have the chance to do now, is distinguish the reasons for your longing.</p><p>Is it to attach to someone who has hurt you, hasn't shown you any understanding of having hurt you, and whose validation, even if he says validating words, has little meaning because people who validate are not the ones who harm us?</p><p>If you're able to teach yourself that those who love us do not harm us, and to develop new expectations for yourself of feeling good from how your partner treats you, then you will be showing yourself a road that will benefit you for your entire lifetime.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get over my ex-boyfriend cheating on me? <</SYS>> It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic. My father cheated on my mother when I was little. I wonder if this pain has to do with that. My ex-boyfriend and I were only dating for five months, but I still can't get over this betrayal. I'm not sure what to feel to get over it: forgiveness? Hate? He helped me financially after our break up by lending me $3000, so I'm grateful for that. I still hate him for what he did and still want him to like me although we're not even talking anymore. We follow each other on Instagram and that's it. I feel like I still need his validation. This is haunting me day and night. I want to focus on my new relationship and goals, but I keep obsessing over this and keep checking my ex-boyfriend's Instagram and Facebook. I feel so bad and keep having nightmares. [/INST] <p>The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship.</p><p>Continue developing some points you've written here.</p><p>That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to expect similar circumstances in your relationship life.</p><p>This is a natural dynamic which happens for all of us. What we observe in our growing up households is what we understand as "normal", no matter how bad it actually is.</p><p>After all, children don't have the ability to separate that what their own parents do, is wrong compared with the rest of our culture.</p><p>It is natural to long for a relationship.</p><p>What you have the chance to do now, is distinguish the reasons for your longing.</p><p>Is it to attach to someone who has hurt you, hasn't shown you any understanding of having hurt you, and whose validation, even if he says validating words, has little meaning because people who validate are not the ones who harm us?</p><p>If you're able to teach yourself that those who love us do not harm us, and to develop new expectations for yourself of feeling good from how your partner treats you, then you will be showing yourself a road that will benefit you for your entire lifetime.</p> </s> |
56ae1df0014e2eff2b4fee3e | I'm dating a boy that my religious parents don't like, and I'm having trouble finding my identity. | I'm a young adult woman, and I have trouble finding my true identity being at home. This all started when I had a boyfriend about 10 months ago. My boyfriend and I were dating for a couple months and decided to get in to sexual acts. At the time, I was pretty religious, but I let this happen. I don't know why. I felt kind of guilty but mostly because I know my parents wouldn't like it. My parents are very religious—they're Christians. We did things every time he'd come over to my house. We didn't have anything to do at our house, so we would get tempted to do things when we'd watch movies by ourselves.
One day, my parents found out I did this stuff with him because my dad read my messages. As soon as my dad found this out, he told my mom. They were both aggravated. They told me he was just a boy that wanted to get inside my pants. They said he wanted me for sex and he's not a Christian. I took their advice and broke up with him. Once we broke up for about a month, I decided to get back together with him a little after school started. My parents found out eventually, and I decided to not listen this time. I would constantly talk to my boyfriend about what they say about him: how's he's not the right one for me, and God totally forbids him. I would kind of try to break up with him, and then eventually I would just never listen to my parents. They're always yelling at me about how I shouldn't date this boy. I felt too old to listen to them. Now I'm kind of just stuck. Is the real me religious? Have I been brainwashed by him? I don't talk to my parents anymore about him, and my parents think I'm deceiving because of it. They threatened me that if I'm still with him, I can't do track and they won't support me. They've also called me slut, and now they called me basically a devil worshipper. They say my boyfriend is taking me away from my parents. I'm actually very happy with him. They also say I'm living a separate life at home than I am at school. They say they want what's best for me and love me because they adopted me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-dating-a-boy-that-my-religious-parents-don-t-like-and-i-m-having-trouble-finding-my-identity | Relationships,Human Sexuality,Family Conflict,Spirituality | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>What a tough situation you must be in, feeling torn between your parents and someone who is very special to you. I would say the first thing you want to do is (if you haven't already), have a calm reciprocal conversation with your parents, telling them how you feel and letting them know what you need from them. If communication attempts are unsucessful then you will need to make a decision with how you would like to move forward. You, unfortunately, will not be able to change your parent's feelings or opinions but you can agree to disagree on certain matters by keeping them separate from the relationship you have with your parents. It always helps to try and see things from another angle. You might want to, for example, try and understand your parent's perspectives and let them know you understand that they are upset. Validating other's feelings can be very helpful with communicating effectively. </p><p>Are you living with your parents and do they support you? If so, are you willing to give that up should you decide to not follow their rules? Know that there is nothing wrong with being happy with someone or loving somebody so deeply. Your feelings and actions certainly do not make you brainwashed or a devil worshipper. Not everyone will always approve of the choices we make and sometimes we need to be okay with that. Best of luck to you.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm dating a boy that my religious parents don't like, and I'm having trouble finding my identity. <</SYS>> I'm a young adult woman, and I have trouble finding my true identity being at home. This all started when I had a boyfriend about 10 months ago. My boyfriend and I were dating for a couple months and decided to get in to sexual acts. At the time, I was pretty religious, but I let this happen. I don't know why. I felt kind of guilty but mostly because I know my parents wouldn't like it. My parents are very religious—they're Christians. We did things every time he'd come over to my house. We didn't have anything to do at our house, so we would get tempted to do things when we'd watch movies by ourselves.
One day, my parents found out I did this stuff with him because my dad read my messages. As soon as my dad found this out, he told my mom. They were both aggravated. They told me he was just a boy that wanted to get inside my pants. They said he wanted me for sex and he's not a Christian. I took their advice and broke up with him. Once we broke up for about a month, I decided to get back together with him a little after school started. My parents found out eventually, and I decided to not listen this time. I would constantly talk to my boyfriend about what they say about him: how's he's not the right one for me, and God totally forbids him. I would kind of try to break up with him, and then eventually I would just never listen to my parents. They're always yelling at me about how I shouldn't date this boy. I felt too old to listen to them. Now I'm kind of just stuck. Is the real me religious? Have I been brainwashed by him? I don't talk to my parents anymore about him, and my parents think I'm deceiving because of it. They threatened me that if I'm still with him, I can't do track and they won't support me. They've also called me slut, and now they called me basically a devil worshipper. They say my boyfriend is taking me away from my parents. I'm actually very happy with him. They also say I'm living a separate life at home than I am at school. They say they want what's best for me and love me because they adopted me. [/INST] <p>What a tough situation you must be in, feeling torn between your parents and someone who is very special to you. I would say the first thing you want to do is (if you haven't already), have a calm reciprocal conversation with your parents, telling them how you feel and letting them know what you need from them. If communication attempts are unsucessful then you will need to make a decision with how you would like to move forward. You, unfortunately, will not be able to change your parent's feelings or opinions but you can agree to disagree on certain matters by keeping them separate from the relationship you have with your parents. It always helps to try and see things from another angle. You might want to, for example, try and understand your parent's perspectives and let them know you understand that they are upset. Validating other's feelings can be very helpful with communicating effectively. </p><p>Are you living with your parents and do they support you? If so, are you willing to give that up should you decide to not follow their rules? Know that there is nothing wrong with being happy with someone or loving somebody so deeply. Your feelings and actions certainly do not make you brainwashed or a devil worshipper. Not everyone will always approve of the choices we make and sometimes we need to be okay with that. Best of luck to you.<br></p> </s> |
5570b7fea03de6c365f45ba1 | Unethical Therapy Practices | What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? | https://counselchat.com/questions/unethical-therapy-practices | Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>I will admit I am confused about this question. Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist? </p><p>Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication. Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle. They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court. Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation. Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time. If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this. </p><p>If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board. Every therapist is licensed in their state. There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.</p><p>Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly. Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad. Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this. If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Unethical Therapy Practices <</SYS>> What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? [/INST] <p>I will admit I am confused about this question. Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist? </p><p>Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication. Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle. They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court. Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation. Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time. If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this. </p><p>If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board. Every therapist is licensed in their state. There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.</p><p>Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly. Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad. Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this. If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred.</p> </s> |
5731753eaaeea25a1918b5fa | How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again? | My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-and-depression-so-i-can-feel-normal-again | Anxiety,Depression | Shari Pescatore | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shari-pescatore | <p>It is challenging to maintain motivation at all times, anxiety and depression can set in which can make interacting with others a struggle, it can lead us to do things that make us not feel good and we become isolated. This ends up feeding into a cycle that maintains the anxiety/depression loop and can be really challenging to step out of it. You are in a place of awareness and this is the first step in making changes that can help you feel better. It is really one step at a time, a concrete plan, with self-compassion to build the solid ground you need to come out of this. <a href="http://www.empoweryou2.com">http://www.empoweryou2.com</a></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again? <</SYS>> My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life. [/INST] <p>It is challenging to maintain motivation at all times, anxiety and depression can set in which can make interacting with others a struggle, it can lead us to do things that make us not feel good and we become isolated. This ends up feeding into a cycle that maintains the anxiety/depression loop and can be really challenging to step out of it. You are in a place of awareness and this is the first step in making changes that can help you feel better. It is really one step at a time, a concrete plan, with self-compassion to build the solid ground you need to come out of this. <a href="http://www.empoweryou2.com">http://www.empoweryou2.com</a></p> </s> |
56a1b0fb20fd22722a53607c | My boyfriend wants me to sign a contract of things not to do. | I was texting a guy who wasn't my boyfriend, and my boyfriend found out. We work together, so he went to work and told everyone I was cheating on him. I moved out of the house. There have been previous problems, and I feel like I'm usually the issue here. In order for us to move on, he wants me to sign this contract that he wrote out listing things he doesn't want me to do anymore. I'm wondering if this a healthy relationship to save or if I should walk away. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-sign-a-contract-of-things-not-to-do | Relationships,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Dallas, </p><p>While I think it's healthy for both members of a couple to have things that they need from each other and to talk about that, your situation sounds one-sided and rigid. Will you have a list too? There are elements of control here: humiliating you in front of coworkers, saying you have to sign the contract before you can move forward...does he decide when you move in and out? Your passive aggressive communications with the other man and your difficulty in knowing what direction you want also hint that maybe you don't have a voice in this relationship. Do you have a voice? If you are uncomfortable with the contract, are you listening to your own voice? If you can't hear your own voice, maybe it's time to sit down with a therapist and strengthen yourself so you can at least know what you feel and want.</p><p>No relationship is all good or all bad (wouldn't that make it easy?) Relationships don't come with billboards that tell us what to do. They don't come with crystal balls that tell us what will happen (except that past behaviour is a good predictor). You have everything you need in order to make the best decision for you right now, except clarity, and his control may be what is making things muddy for you. You're too busy blaming yourself to see the situation clearly. A therapist can help you stop blaming yourself and see what your situation is.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend wants me to sign a contract of things not to do. <</SYS>> I was texting a guy who wasn't my boyfriend, and my boyfriend found out. We work together, so he went to work and told everyone I was cheating on him. I moved out of the house. There have been previous problems, and I feel like I'm usually the issue here. In order for us to move on, he wants me to sign this contract that he wrote out listing things he doesn't want me to do anymore. I'm wondering if this a healthy relationship to save or if I should walk away. [/INST] <p>Hi Dallas, </p><p>While I think it's healthy for both members of a couple to have things that they need from each other and to talk about that, your situation sounds one-sided and rigid. Will you have a list too? There are elements of control here: humiliating you in front of coworkers, saying you have to sign the contract before you can move forward...does he decide when you move in and out? Your passive aggressive communications with the other man and your difficulty in knowing what direction you want also hint that maybe you don't have a voice in this relationship. Do you have a voice? If you are uncomfortable with the contract, are you listening to your own voice? If you can't hear your own voice, maybe it's time to sit down with a therapist and strengthen yourself so you can at least know what you feel and want.</p><p>No relationship is all good or all bad (wouldn't that make it easy?) Relationships don't come with billboards that tell us what to do. They don't come with crystal balls that tell us what will happen (except that past behaviour is a good predictor). You have everything you need in order to make the best decision for you right now, except clarity, and his control may be what is making things muddy for you. You're too busy blaming yourself to see the situation clearly. A therapist can help you stop blaming yourself and see what your situation is.</p> </s> |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | David Routt | https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt | <p>The most important thing to ask yourself here is, "how did this action affect my relationship, and is it worth the consequences?" Regardless of your intentions in this action, your boyfriend is uncomfortable with this type of behavior. From here, we can objectively decide if spending time with your previous partner (because that is likely what your boyfriend sees them as) is worth harming the relationship you currently have. It is very rare that a person would be comfortable with their partner spending more than a very little amount of time with their exes. Many times, it just gives the wrong impressions. It is very possible that your partner may believe that since you spend so much time with them, that they are still a contender for the most intimate relationship you have to offer, and truth be told, they kind of are. The best intimate relationships, are friendships first and foremost. </p><p><br></p><p>It is also a good thing to consider what you are getting out of the relationship with your ex that you are not getting out of the relationship with your current boyfriend. If you go to this person for emotional support before your boyfriend, then it is very likely you're involved in some "emotional infidelity". When we turn to others instead of our partner, it is as if we "ran into another person's arms" instead of theirs. No matter who you are, that hurts. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy <</SYS>> I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? [/INST] <p>The most important thing to ask yourself here is, "how did this action affect my relationship, and is it worth the consequences?" Regardless of your intentions in this action, your boyfriend is uncomfortable with this type of behavior. From here, we can objectively decide if spending time with your previous partner (because that is likely what your boyfriend sees them as) is worth harming the relationship you currently have. It is very rare that a person would be comfortable with their partner spending more than a very little amount of time with their exes. Many times, it just gives the wrong impressions. It is very possible that your partner may believe that since you spend so much time with them, that they are still a contender for the most intimate relationship you have to offer, and truth be told, they kind of are. The best intimate relationships, are friendships first and foremost. </p><p><br></p><p>It is also a good thing to consider what you are getting out of the relationship with your ex that you are not getting out of the relationship with your current boyfriend. If you go to this person for emotional support before your boyfriend, then it is very likely you're involved in some "emotional infidelity". When we turn to others instead of our partner, it is as if we "ran into another person's arms" instead of theirs. No matter who you are, that hurts. </p> </s> |
561589f17a94c0692d0a6e6c | I told my family doctor yesterday, that I am hoarding my Ativan pills. Is he legally required to tell my psychiatrist or therapist? | I have major depression, severe, PTSD, anxiety disorder, and personality disorder. I had an appointment with my doctor. I was very upset, and I shared with him about that particular drug. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-told-my-family-doctor-yesterday-that-i-am-hoarding-my-ativan-pills-is-he-legally-required-to-tell-my-psychiatrist-or-therapist | Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>Your doctor might be required to tell your psychiatrist - especially if your doctor is concerned about your safety.</p><p>It was definitely a good thing that you told your primary care physician about what is going on. I know that must have been difficult to talk about with him. </p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">By having that conversation, you are helping </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">your primary care physician and your psychiatrist work together to best support your health.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I told my family doctor yesterday, that I am hoarding my Ativan pills. Is he legally required to tell my psychiatrist or therapist? <</SYS>> I have major depression, severe, PTSD, anxiety disorder, and personality disorder. I had an appointment with my doctor. I was very upset, and I shared with him about that particular drug. [/INST] <p>Your doctor might be required to tell your psychiatrist - especially if your doctor is concerned about your safety.</p><p>It was definitely a good thing that you told your primary care physician about what is going on. I know that must have been difficult to talk about with him. </p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">By having that conversation, you are helping </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">your primary care physician and your psychiatrist work together to best support your health.</span></p> </s> |
574f81c8c792dd6c7063e57b | How do I know what my sexual orientation is? | I'm a girl, and I can't tell whether I'm bisexual or gay. I like girls a little more than boys, but I don't really know. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-what-my-sexual-orientation-is | LGBTQ | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Sexual orientation is not always something that is clearly definable. Some people look at it on a continuum where being attracted to only boys is at one end, only girls is at the other, and bisexual is in the middle. Anywhere in between those points can be any amount of attraction to boys or girls.</p><p>If you don't know whether you are gay or bisexual, that is okay. A lot of people don't know for quite some time. In addition to that, after people do know who they are attracted to, a lot of times they do not use the terms "gay" or "bisexual" for quite a while.</p><p>It's okay not to know.</p><p>Think about what sorts of expectations you have for your ideal relationship. Some examples may include trust, respect, availability for conversation or connection, etc. Whatever it is that you find important in a relationship is likely what matters most.</p><p>If you are struggling with learning what it is that you would like in a relationship or any other feelings connected with what you are thinking and feeling, I would suggest connecting with a local therapist so you have a place to talk about what you are experiencing.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I know what my sexual orientation is? <</SYS>> I'm a girl, and I can't tell whether I'm bisexual or gay. I like girls a little more than boys, but I don't really know. [/INST] <p>Sexual orientation is not always something that is clearly definable. Some people look at it on a continuum where being attracted to only boys is at one end, only girls is at the other, and bisexual is in the middle. Anywhere in between those points can be any amount of attraction to boys or girls.</p><p>If you don't know whether you are gay or bisexual, that is okay. A lot of people don't know for quite some time. In addition to that, after people do know who they are attracted to, a lot of times they do not use the terms "gay" or "bisexual" for quite a while.</p><p>It's okay not to know.</p><p>Think about what sorts of expectations you have for your ideal relationship. Some examples may include trust, respect, availability for conversation or connection, etc. Whatever it is that you find important in a relationship is likely what matters most.</p><p>If you are struggling with learning what it is that you would like in a relationship or any other feelings connected with what you are thinking and feeling, I would suggest connecting with a local therapist so you have a place to talk about what you are experiencing.</p> </s> |
573247a2aaeea25a1918b649 | How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? | I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-bring-up-my-possible-depression-to-my-parents | Depression | Shari Pescatore | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shari-pescatore | <p>Depending on your relationship with your parents, inviting them to have a conversation might be a good first step. If they consent then you can have the opportunity to discuss your concerns with them. Inviting someone to a conversation and getting their agreement is a great first step. I would then make sure your location of the discussion is conducive to the conversation and once all that is considered it might be beneficial that you make a list of your concerns prior to the meeting. this can help keep you on point. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? <</SYS>> I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. [/INST] <p>Depending on your relationship with your parents, inviting them to have a conversation might be a good first step. If they consent then you can have the opportunity to discuss your concerns with them. Inviting someone to a conversation and getting their agreement is a great first step. I would then make sure your location of the discussion is conducive to the conversation and once all that is considered it might be beneficial that you make a list of your concerns prior to the meeting. this can help keep you on point. </p> </s> |
56fdfb8ffa722cdf047f28a0 | I'm scared because my boyfriend is interested in BDSM. | I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-scared-because-my-boyfriend-is-interested-in-bdsm | Human Sexuality,Anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things
that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel
connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if
we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I don’t know the specifics about your relationship or how
comfortable you are in talking to your boyfriend, but this is one of those
situations where communicating your fears is a good idea. The only exception to
that would be if you believe he is actually a threat to you in some way. If you
believe that, then you should do whatever you think is safe. It sounds like
there is a part of you that is already afraid of him, and if that is the case
then remaining safe is your top priority. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Assuming you are able to share with him your feelings,
telling him what you are and are not interested in sexually is very appropriate
and sexually healthy. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for
all parties. All parties should feel respected and able to say “no” to
absolutely anything they are not comfortable with. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I call the respectful agreement between sexual partners, “sex
trust.” Sex Trust means your partner respects your boundaries. It means they
won’t degrade you sexually with hurtful words, forced sex, or forcing or
coercing sex in ways someone is not interested in having. Your personal safety and mental well-being is
what is most important. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Now, if there is a part of you that is curious about BDSM
and may be interested in participating in it, there are many websites that you
can explore to learn information. I will warn you, some websites and articles
are better or worse than others, but you may at least feel more informed. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Many people engage in BDSM and have happy relationships, but
again, it completely depends on what each person in the relationship wants. It is
also important to know that BDSM is not just one thing and people practice it
differently based on comfort. If it is something you are uncomfortable with,
then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I hope this was helpful. Be well.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm scared because my boyfriend is interested in BDSM. <</SYS>> I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to. [/INST] <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things
that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel
connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if
we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I don’t know the specifics about your relationship or how
comfortable you are in talking to your boyfriend, but this is one of those
situations where communicating your fears is a good idea. The only exception to
that would be if you believe he is actually a threat to you in some way. If you
believe that, then you should do whatever you think is safe. It sounds like
there is a part of you that is already afraid of him, and if that is the case
then remaining safe is your top priority. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Assuming you are able to share with him your feelings,
telling him what you are and are not interested in sexually is very appropriate
and sexually healthy. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for
all parties. All parties should feel respected and able to say “no” to
absolutely anything they are not comfortable with. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I call the respectful agreement between sexual partners, “sex
trust.” Sex Trust means your partner respects your boundaries. It means they
won’t degrade you sexually with hurtful words, forced sex, or forcing or
coercing sex in ways someone is not interested in having. Your personal safety and mental well-being is
what is most important. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Now, if there is a part of you that is curious about BDSM
and may be interested in participating in it, there are many websites that you
can explore to learn information. I will warn you, some websites and articles
are better or worse than others, but you may at least feel more informed. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Many people engage in BDSM and have happy relationships, but
again, it completely depends on what each person in the relationship wants. It is
also important to know that BDSM is not just one thing and people practice it
differently based on comfort. If it is something you are uncomfortable with,
then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I hope this was helpful. Be well.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> </s> |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Phone or email a counselor whose profile you've read and which feels right for you.</p><p>Ask to get a feel as to the way the person would handle your problem and work with you.</p><p>In my practice I offer a phone consult which generally continues for twenty minutes.</p><p>I feel it is only fair that a prospective patient has a feel for the service they are about to purchase before they can be expected to pay money for a service which may not be to their liking at all.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does someone approach a counselor? <</SYS>> How does a person start the counseling process? [/INST] <p>Phone or email a counselor whose profile you've read and which feels right for you.</p><p>Ask to get a feel as to the way the person would handle your problem and work with you.</p><p>In my practice I offer a phone consult which generally continues for twenty minutes.</p><p>I feel it is only fair that a prospective patient has a feel for the service they are about to purchase before they can be expected to pay money for a service which may not be to their liking at all.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
5744ba34c792dd6c7063e404 | How do I get over jealousy? | I’m in a relationship with my child's father. I’m a really jealous person. We don’t go out or do anything with other people because of me. To keep our relationship going, I know I have to stop being jealous, but I can’t. How can I get over these issues? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-jealousy | Intimacy,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It may be important to look at this as getting through something rather than "getting over it." If you're aware of the reasons why you are jealous, I don't know if they relate to this relationship or a previous one, but you could remind yourself of the differences if your feelings of jealousy relate to something from your past.</p><p>Also, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your child's father if you are both open to having a discussion about this in a way that you summarize what each other is saying so you are sure that you are understanding each other, at least to some degree.</p><p>Also, consider what you may want from your child's father to assist you with this. You cannot make him do anything to support you with this, but you can certainly ask.</p><p>What is something you could start or stop doing to move you toward your goal?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over jealousy? <</SYS>> I’m in a relationship with my child's father. I’m a really jealous person. We don’t go out or do anything with other people because of me. To keep our relationship going, I know I have to stop being jealous, but I can’t. How can I get over these issues? [/INST] <p>It may be important to look at this as getting through something rather than "getting over it." If you're aware of the reasons why you are jealous, I don't know if they relate to this relationship or a previous one, but you could remind yourself of the differences if your feelings of jealousy relate to something from your past.</p><p>Also, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your child's father if you are both open to having a discussion about this in a way that you summarize what each other is saying so you are sure that you are understanding each other, at least to some degree.</p><p>Also, consider what you may want from your child's father to assist you with this. You cannot make him do anything to support you with this, but you can certainly ask.</p><p>What is something you could start or stop doing to move you toward your goal?</p> </s> |
5720221b2c93abc27110732a | How can I care less about what people think? | I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think | Self-esteem | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is normal to seek other’s attention and noticing that some people would not be interested. </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">After all,</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">we belong to a social environment where we constantly receive other’s feedback, which at times validates us, makes feel important and useful, like we belong; but also at times makes us feel isolated, different and neglected, which we could interpret as hate.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">The key is to be</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">aware of</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">what you think about what people think of you. Got it? This part can be tricky at times, because, what others think about us does not really affect us, what really affects us is what we decide to believe, internalize, and make our reality. For example, I could choose to ignore a person’s comment about me, or I could decide to focus on it all day, analyze why they said that and what have I done to them to get to that conclusion. Eventually,</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">since we became so focused on that thought, we may end up believing that what the other person said about us was true, even if we did not agree to begin with.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">So how can we fix this? Awareness is the key! It is important that you understand the way you internalize external inputs, like comments, and to go through a process of discarding negative ones. It is also helpful to talk to your counselor about how you process feedback and validation so you learn to balance your positive traits</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">from</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">negatives and how that affects your relationships and self-esteem.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">¿</span><span style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think"><span lang="ES-PR" style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">Cómo</span></a></span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"> me puede importar menos lo que la gente piensa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Siempre siento la necesidad de impresionar a otros, ya sea mi familia, la gente de la escuela o extraños. Y sé que no importa lo que haga o cuanto haga, siempre habrá personas que me odian. ¿Por qué me siento así?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Es común que busquemos la atención de otros y notemos que algunas personas no están interesadas. Después de todo pertenecemos a un ambiente social donde constantemente recibimos comentarios, que a veces nos validan, alagan y nos hacen sentir como parte importante y funcional de la sociedad; pero en otros momentos nos hacen sentir aislados, ignorados y diferentes, lo cual lo pudiéramos interpretar como odio.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">La clave es estar conscientes de lo que pensamos que los otros piensan de nosotros. ¿Me sigues? Esta parte puede ser algo confusa, porque lo que piensan otras personas de nosotros, no nos afecta directamente, lo que si nos afecta es lo que decidimos creer que otras personas piensan de nosotros; y luego lo internalizamos y hacemos parte de nuestra vida. Por ejemplo, podemos decidir ignorar lo que una persona dice de nosotros, o podemos decidir enfocarnos en ello todo el día, analizando en detalle porque lo dijeron y que hemos hecho para hacer que ellos piensen así. Eventualmente nos enfocamos tanto en ese pensamiento, que terminamos creyendo que es verdad, aun cuando originalmente no lo creíamos así.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">¿Entonces como lo arreglamos? La clave es concientización. Es importante entender la manera en que internalizamos las opiniones de otros, y que pasemos por un proceso de discriminación, donde descartemos los comentarios negativos, hasta que aprendamos a ignorarlos. También ayudaría hablar con un Consejero sobre como internamente validas y descartas los comentarios y opiniones externas, y como eso puede estar afectando tus relaciones y tu autoestima. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I care less about what people think? <</SYS>> I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is normal to seek other’s attention and noticing that some people would not be interested. </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">After all,</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">we belong to a social environment where we constantly receive other’s feedback, which at times validates us, makes feel important and useful, like we belong; but also at times makes us feel isolated, different and neglected, which we could interpret as hate.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">The key is to be</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">aware of</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">what you think about what people think of you. Got it? This part can be tricky at times, because, what others think about us does not really affect us, what really affects us is what we decide to believe, internalize, and make our reality. For example, I could choose to ignore a person’s comment about me, or I could decide to focus on it all day, analyze why they said that and what have I done to them to get to that conclusion. Eventually,</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">since we became so focused on that thought, we may end up believing that what the other person said about us was true, even if we did not agree to begin with.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">So how can we fix this? Awareness is the key! It is important that you understand the way you internalize external inputs, like comments, and to go through a process of discarding negative ones. It is also helpful to talk to your counselor about how you process feedback and validation so you learn to balance your positive traits</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">from</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">negatives and how that affects your relationships and self-esteem.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">¿</span><span style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think"><span lang="ES-PR" style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">Cómo</span></a></span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"> me puede importar menos lo que la gente piensa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Siempre siento la necesidad de impresionar a otros, ya sea mi familia, la gente de la escuela o extraños. Y sé que no importa lo que haga o cuanto haga, siempre habrá personas que me odian. ¿Por qué me siento así?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Es común que busquemos la atención de otros y notemos que algunas personas no están interesadas. Después de todo pertenecemos a un ambiente social donde constantemente recibimos comentarios, que a veces nos validan, alagan y nos hacen sentir como parte importante y funcional de la sociedad; pero en otros momentos nos hacen sentir aislados, ignorados y diferentes, lo cual lo pudiéramos interpretar como odio.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">La clave es estar conscientes de lo que pensamos que los otros piensan de nosotros. ¿Me sigues? Esta parte puede ser algo confusa, porque lo que piensan otras personas de nosotros, no nos afecta directamente, lo que si nos afecta es lo que decidimos creer que otras personas piensan de nosotros; y luego lo internalizamos y hacemos parte de nuestra vida. Por ejemplo, podemos decidir ignorar lo que una persona dice de nosotros, o podemos decidir enfocarnos en ello todo el día, analizando en detalle porque lo dijeron y que hemos hecho para hacer que ellos piensen así. Eventualmente nos enfocamos tanto en ese pensamiento, que terminamos creyendo que es verdad, aun cuando originalmente no lo creíamos así.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">¿Entonces como lo arreglamos? La clave es concientización. Es importante entender la manera en que internalizamos las opiniones de otros, y que pasemos por un proceso de discriminación, donde descartemos los comentarios negativos, hasta que aprendamos a ignorarlos. También ayudaría hablar con un Consejero sobre como internamente validas y descartas los comentarios y opiniones externas, y como eso puede estar afectando tus relaciones y tu autoestima. </span></p> </s> |
576256def1d8c4b515badc7d | Why do I feel like I don't belong anywhere? | There are many people willing to lovingly provide me with a home. I have food, clothes, and a university education, but I never feel like I belong. Even when I have a good time with people who are supposed to be close, I feel like I'm just out with friends and I never go home. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-don-t-belong-anywhere | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>For some people, having a sense of belonging takes some time.</p><p>You mentioned that you have an education and some basic daily needs. I wonder if you may be able to look at your relationship with yourself and what makes you feel happy, safe, and having a sense of accomplishment. If you have those feelings, I wonder how you define trust and who you trust.</p><p>You say you have a good time with people who are "supposed to be close," so I wonder what keeps them from feeling close. I have also wondering if you have been emotionally hurt in the past, and if so, you may have some protective defenses that you use (maybe on purpose, maybe not) to protect yourself from being hurt again. Remember that this idea comes in degrees where you can be more perfect in certain situations and a little less in others. Being emotionally protected is on a spectrum or continuum, where you can make an infinite amount of adjustments or changes with different people and situations.</p><p>I also wonder what it is that you want in your "home," and how you define it. Consider giving yourself permission to think about how you would define your perfect home in a world where there were no realistic restrictions (such as money or location). After you have that, consider what parts of that you can have. Perhaps there is a small part that you could make a reality within a week or so.</p><p>Thank you for reaching out. If this continues to be difficult for you, consider seeing a local mental health professional so you can discuss some more specific details.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel like I don't belong anywhere? <</SYS>> There are many people willing to lovingly provide me with a home. I have food, clothes, and a university education, but I never feel like I belong. Even when I have a good time with people who are supposed to be close, I feel like I'm just out with friends and I never go home. [/INST] <p>For some people, having a sense of belonging takes some time.</p><p>You mentioned that you have an education and some basic daily needs. I wonder if you may be able to look at your relationship with yourself and what makes you feel happy, safe, and having a sense of accomplishment. If you have those feelings, I wonder how you define trust and who you trust.</p><p>You say you have a good time with people who are "supposed to be close," so I wonder what keeps them from feeling close. I have also wondering if you have been emotionally hurt in the past, and if so, you may have some protective defenses that you use (maybe on purpose, maybe not) to protect yourself from being hurt again. Remember that this idea comes in degrees where you can be more perfect in certain situations and a little less in others. Being emotionally protected is on a spectrum or continuum, where you can make an infinite amount of adjustments or changes with different people and situations.</p><p>I also wonder what it is that you want in your "home," and how you define it. Consider giving yourself permission to think about how you would define your perfect home in a world where there were no realistic restrictions (such as money or location). After you have that, consider what parts of that you can have. Perhaps there is a small part that you could make a reality within a week or so.</p><p>Thank you for reaching out. If this continues to be difficult for you, consider seeing a local mental health professional so you can discuss some more specific details.</p> </s> |
56ebf2666174eaae0589c700 | Is it a normal practice for a team of doctors who are connected by state or profession to discontinue your treatment? | They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-a-normal-practice-for-a-team-of-doctors-who-are-connected-by-state-or-profession-to-discontinue-your-treatment | Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>The general rule against medical <span style="font-style: italic;">abandonment</span> says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.</p><p>In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it a normal practice for a team of doctors who are connected by state or profession to discontinue your treatment? <</SYS>> They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia. [/INST] <p>The general rule against medical <span style="font-style: italic;">abandonment</span> says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.</p><p>In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.</p> </s> |
566a400f9f3a71de09b3c101 | Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? | I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-appropriate-to-give-my-counselor-a-bottle-of-wine-for-christmas | Professional Ethics | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi, </p><p>Different therapists are guided by the ethical guidelines of their own associations or colleges when it comes to receiving gifts, so this may differ a bit from therapist to therapist. It's important to me that I be sensitive to cultural norms, and to my client's needs. In Canada, and the US, it is customary for people to sometimes express gratitude with a small gift, and I have from time to time received small tokens of appreciation because I believe it would be rude to refuse this. It is never necessary to give a therapist a gift, but if you wish to express your gratitude in this way, I don't think it's inappropriate. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? <</SYS>> I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? [/INST] <p>Hi, </p><p>Different therapists are guided by the ethical guidelines of their own associations or colleges when it comes to receiving gifts, so this may differ a bit from therapist to therapist. It's important to me that I be sensitive to cultural norms, and to my client's needs. In Canada, and the US, it is customary for people to sometimes express gratitude with a small gift, and I have from time to time received small tokens of appreciation because I believe it would be rude to refuse this. It is never necessary to give a therapist a gift, but if you wish to express your gratitude in this way, I don't think it's inappropriate. </p> </s> |
574f03fcc792dd6c7063e574 | If I am trying to stop self-harming and I seek help, will I need to be put in an inpatient setting? | I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help. | https://counselchat.com/questions/if-i-am-trying-to-stop-self-harming-and-i-seek-help-will-i-need-to-be-put-in-an-inpatient-setting | Anxiety,Depression,Behavioral Change | Nicole Stone | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone | <p>Seeking professional help does not mean that you will necessarily be admitted into an inpatient setting - though to be honest, that can become an option if you feel unsafe or if you are unable to plan for safety. However, many clients who struggle with self-harm can find help in outpatient settings - particularly those which offer a treatment called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Looking for a DBT professional or group therapy setting may be particularly helpful, but a <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">skilled professional can help you to figure out how to identify other options even when you are experiencing overwhelming emotions. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Without knowing your location, I also recommend searching to find your local helpline or suicide prevention hotline. The volunteers on the other end of the line can be very helpful even if your intention is not suicide and they are likely also to be able to connect you with resources in your area. Calling into the helpline may also be a first step alternative to self-harming when you're feeling overwhelmed. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> If I am trying to stop self-harming and I seek help, will I need to be put in an inpatient setting? <</SYS>> I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help. [/INST] <p>Seeking professional help does not mean that you will necessarily be admitted into an inpatient setting - though to be honest, that can become an option if you feel unsafe or if you are unable to plan for safety. However, many clients who struggle with self-harm can find help in outpatient settings - particularly those which offer a treatment called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Looking for a DBT professional or group therapy setting may be particularly helpful, but a <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">skilled professional can help you to figure out how to identify other options even when you are experiencing overwhelming emotions. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Without knowing your location, I also recommend searching to find your local helpline or suicide prevention hotline. The volunteers on the other end of the line can be very helpful even if your intention is not suicide and they are likely also to be able to connect you with resources in your area. Calling into the helpline may also be a first step alternative to self-harming when you're feeling overwhelmed. </span></p> </s> |
563eb7eeee10a9b164244a0c | Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend because he called me a particular profanity? | My boyfriend called me a particular profanity and I broke up with him. This is the third time he's called me this and I'm just completely done with giving him chances. He knows how much it bothers me. I just want to know if I'm over reacting. | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-overreacting-by-breaking-up-with-my-boyfriend-because-he-called-me-a-particular-profanity | Relationships | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>It sounds like you are reacting to an issue in communication patterns, rather than a particular word. The ability to listen considerately to your partner and to have your partner listen to you is one of the keystones of a successful relationship. If your partner is not listening to, acknowledging and remembering your wishes, that is likely an indicator of some fissures in the foundation of the relationship. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend because he called me a particular profanity? <</SYS>> My boyfriend called me a particular profanity and I broke up with him. This is the third time he's called me this and I'm just completely done with giving him chances. He knows how much it bothers me. I just want to know if I'm over reacting. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are reacting to an issue in communication patterns, rather than a particular word. The ability to listen considerately to your partner and to have your partner listen to you is one of the keystones of a successful relationship. If your partner is not listening to, acknowledging and remembering your wishes, that is likely an indicator of some fissures in the foundation of the relationship. </p> </s> |
57452dbac792dd6c7063e427 | How can I be happy as a stay-at-home mom? | Over the years, I have slowly lost everything: my jobs, my cars, my freedom, and my money. I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn't make any money, doesn't have a car, never goes out, and cleans all day long everyday. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-happy-as-a-stay-at-home-mom | Self-esteem,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are an infinite number of possibilities here. You included a lot of things that you don't have. Is there anyway that you can have some freedom for a few hours a week, at least? A lot of times stay at home moms have groups when they meet at different public places where their children can play together and they can talk together. I don't know how old your child or children is/are, but perhaps going back to work is something that can happen in the future.</p><p>I wonder if you may consider who you have in your life who can support you. I don't know whether you have a spouse or parents or siblings who could help out with some different things. I wonder if you could consider where you would like to go if you had two or three hours that you could do whatever you wanted? If you can sort out some possible answers to that, maybe you can work together with friends or family to make it happen.</p><p>Also, again depending on the age of your children, some parents can do things while the children are sleeping, even if you are in the same room. For example, if your children are sleeping for about two hours, maybe 30 minutes of that could be reserved for you and the rest could be for cleaning or other things you need to do.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be happy as a stay-at-home mom? <</SYS>> Over the years, I have slowly lost everything: my jobs, my cars, my freedom, and my money. I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn't make any money, doesn't have a car, never goes out, and cleans all day long everyday. [/INST] <p>There are an infinite number of possibilities here. You included a lot of things that you don't have. Is there anyway that you can have some freedom for a few hours a week, at least? A lot of times stay at home moms have groups when they meet at different public places where their children can play together and they can talk together. I don't know how old your child or children is/are, but perhaps going back to work is something that can happen in the future.</p><p>I wonder if you may consider who you have in your life who can support you. I don't know whether you have a spouse or parents or siblings who could help out with some different things. I wonder if you could consider where you would like to go if you had two or three hours that you could do whatever you wanted? If you can sort out some possible answers to that, maybe you can work together with friends or family to make it happen.</p><p>Also, again depending on the age of your children, some parents can do things while the children are sleeping, even if you are in the same room. For example, if your children are sleeping for about two hours, maybe 30 minutes of that could be reserved for you and the rest could be for cleaning or other things you need to do.</p> </s> |
57799c9772f4321a37b64221 | Is it normal to cry during therapy? | I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Elissa Gross | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross | <p>Hi there ! As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another. Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe , you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before. I have seen people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard. I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving. </p><p>I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down. Crying is often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .</p><p>So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy. And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !</p><p>Good luck !!</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to cry during therapy? <</SYS>> I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? [/INST] <p>Hi there ! As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another. Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe , you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before. I have seen people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard. I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving. </p><p>I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down. Crying is often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .</p><p>So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy. And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !</p><p>Good luck !!</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
5667510b1678044a13a776f1 | How can I get some closure on an experience I regret? | Back in high school, my friend and I used to masturbate around each other. I hate even talking about it now because it's so weird. We didn't even realize how messed up it was at the time. One time, it escalated and we ended up doing it for each other. It wasn't supposed to be a gay thing, but it sure sounds like it now that I talk about it. I pushed this away until it recently came up in my head again. I'm having a lot of trouble. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-some-closure-on-an-experience-i-regret | Human Sexuality,Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Writing about your high school masturbation times with your friend, is itself a form of acknowledging the full picture of who you are. </p><p>You are doing well to reflect on your actions in the truthful way you are doing.</p><p>Also positive is that you have perspective, that at your age and social maturity, you were innocently doing something that in adult terms, would be considered in a negative way.</p><p>Maybe through your more mature mind's eye of today, you can feel some compassion and understanding for your high school self. This way your sense of self-judgment may start to dissolve a little bit more.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get some closure on an experience I regret? <</SYS>> Back in high school, my friend and I used to masturbate around each other. I hate even talking about it now because it's so weird. We didn't even realize how messed up it was at the time. One time, it escalated and we ended up doing it for each other. It wasn't supposed to be a gay thing, but it sure sounds like it now that I talk about it. I pushed this away until it recently came up in my head again. I'm having a lot of trouble. [/INST] <p>Writing about your high school masturbation times with your friend, is itself a form of acknowledging the full picture of who you are. </p><p>You are doing well to reflect on your actions in the truthful way you are doing.</p><p>Also positive is that you have perspective, that at your age and social maturity, you were innocently doing something that in adult terms, would be considered in a negative way.</p><p>Maybe through your more mature mind's eye of today, you can feel some compassion and understanding for your high school self. This way your sense of self-judgment may start to dissolve a little bit more.</p> </s> |
55f877f0d8748cec700d2f87 | How do I balance school and life? | I don't have time to live or take care of myself at times. It's causing depression, stress, and anxiety. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-balance-school-and-life | Anxiety,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not sure whether you are referring to having a lot of activities after school or that homework is overwhelming. Can you set aside a couple hours a week for yourself as a place to start?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I balance school and life? <</SYS>> I don't have time to live or take care of myself at times. It's causing depression, stress, and anxiety. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>I'm not sure whether you are referring to having a lot of activities after school or that homework is overwhelming. Can you set aside a couple hours a week for yourself as a place to start?</p> </s> |
570fd03bdbf02b4149c3f632 | My wife outed me to her sister | What should I do when we see each other? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-outed-me-to-her-sister | Social Relationships,LGBTQ | Traci Lowenthal | https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2 | <p>I am so sorry this happened. Sharing a part of your private life without your permission can be so painful. I might suggest (depending on your relationship) reaching out to your sister and discussing this (or setting boundary that you don't want to discuss your private life). I might also speak with your wife and share how hurt you are and what you need to happen moving forward to begin to heal. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife outed me to her sister <</SYS>> What should I do when we see each other? [/INST] <p>I am so sorry this happened. Sharing a part of your private life without your permission can be so painful. I might suggest (depending on your relationship) reaching out to your sister and discussing this (or setting boundary that you don't want to discuss your private life). I might also speak with your wife and share how hurt you are and what you need to happen moving forward to begin to heal. </p> </s> |
57382f404eb3dd523a6db43e | I'm starting to believe that I'm gay | In middle school and high school, my friends and family thought I was gay. I tried telling them, but they wouldn’t believe me. It almost feels like they wanted me to be. Now I’m actually starting to believe them. I know I wasn’t back then, and now I’m not sure anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-starting-to-believe-that-i-m-gay | LGBTQ | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>I agree with Amy. We get a lot of pressure from others and even ourselves to define who we are and what we want at a pretty early age. The truth is, our sexuality can change and grow in directions we never imagined. </p><p>I may be wrong, but I am getting the impression that you may not <i>want</i> to be gay. That this is something you didn't like others suggesting and now you are uncomfortable with the idea that it may be true. This would certainly be understandable. Your sexuality is YOURS and yours alone. It can be quite frustrating and hurful when others try to define who you are. And it can be equally frustrating when you are trying to figure it out for yourself. </p><p>The truth is that there are many different possibilities when it comes to sexual orientation. It may help to think about what <i>qualities </i>you find attractive. What kind of person can you see yourself being attracted to? Someone smart? Funny? Loves dogs? If you look for these qualities in a person they may lead you to being attracted to someone of the same sex, but maybe not. At least you would be choosing someone based on values and qualities that you love and admire. </p><p>Another idea is to chat with a counselor, if you are interested. Preferrably one who has done some training in affirmative therapy. </p><p><br></p><p>Be well and be you..</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm starting to believe that I'm gay <</SYS>> In middle school and high school, my friends and family thought I was gay. I tried telling them, but they wouldn’t believe me. It almost feels like they wanted me to be. Now I’m actually starting to believe them. I know I wasn’t back then, and now I’m not sure anymore. [/INST] <p>I agree with Amy. We get a lot of pressure from others and even ourselves to define who we are and what we want at a pretty early age. The truth is, our sexuality can change and grow in directions we never imagined. </p><p>I may be wrong, but I am getting the impression that you may not <i>want</i> to be gay. That this is something you didn't like others suggesting and now you are uncomfortable with the idea that it may be true. This would certainly be understandable. Your sexuality is YOURS and yours alone. It can be quite frustrating and hurful when others try to define who you are. And it can be equally frustrating when you are trying to figure it out for yourself. </p><p>The truth is that there are many different possibilities when it comes to sexual orientation. It may help to think about what <i>qualities </i>you find attractive. What kind of person can you see yourself being attracted to? Someone smart? Funny? Loves dogs? If you look for these qualities in a person they may lead you to being attracted to someone of the same sex, but maybe not. At least you would be choosing someone based on values and qualities that you love and admire. </p><p>Another idea is to chat with a counselor, if you are interested. Preferrably one who has done some training in affirmative therapy. </p><p><br></p><p>Be well and be you..</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Usually people call me by phone, they introduce themselves, we chat for a bit, then we schedule a time for their appointment</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does someone approach a counselor? <</SYS>> How does a person start the counseling process? [/INST] <p>Usually people call me by phone, they introduce themselves, we chat for a bit, then we schedule a time for their appointment</p> </s> |
561ef80fdb761a811c20a293 | My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us | I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-says-he-needs-time-to-think-about-us | Relationships | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>Give him the time and space he needs. Obviously something is going on with him that he needs time to process, think about, and work through. Respect that most men are not talkers but more thinkers. If and when he is ready to talk, he will. When and if he does talk, be a comforting listener and put yourself in his shoes the best you can to be the support he needs. Don't take it personal because you just been dating 3 weeks and his depression maybe something that been going on for a while. If you do like him...showing him by being patient and supportive at this time.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us <</SYS>> I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. [/INST] <p>Give him the time and space he needs. Obviously something is going on with him that he needs time to process, think about, and work through. Respect that most men are not talkers but more thinkers. If and when he is ready to talk, he will. When and if he does talk, be a comforting listener and put yourself in his shoes the best you can to be the support he needs. Don't take it personal because you just been dating 3 weeks and his depression maybe something that been going on for a while. If you do like him...showing him by being patient and supportive at this time.<br></p> </s> |
55884ae5e1d57a380899c1ba | Some adult family members are acting erratically in my house | I am having a problem with extended family members who are inappropriately urinating in my home. They are peeing in cat litter boxes, bottles, and directly on floors and in corners of my house.
Is there any literature that supports why such adults would behave this way? This is not a joke. I am trying to understand. | https://counselchat.com/questions/some-adult-family-members-are-acting-erratically-in-my-house | Family Conflict | ABLE Counseling Services, LLC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/able-counseling-services-llc | <p>Hi, </p><p>This sounds like a very challenging and upsetting problem - good for you for reaching out! My first thought is, these two adults may have a sleep disorder that could be contributing to the urination in inappropriate places. Since they are adults, and you can't force them to seek treatment, you might be able to suggest that there could be an underlying medical issue and advise they speak with a medical provider. . As far as what to do for yourself - set some firm boundaries. Be clear about the expectations of your home. Also include the positive and negative consequences should they decide to address or avoid this issue. I hope this helps you, your family members, and the pets!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Some adult family members are acting erratically in my house <</SYS>> I am having a problem with extended family members who are inappropriately urinating in my home. They are peeing in cat litter boxes, bottles, and directly on floors and in corners of my house.
Is there any literature that supports why such adults would behave this way? This is not a joke. I am trying to understand. [/INST] <p>Hi, </p><p>This sounds like a very challenging and upsetting problem - good for you for reaching out! My first thought is, these two adults may have a sleep disorder that could be contributing to the urination in inappropriate places. Since they are adults, and you can't force them to seek treatment, you might be able to suggest that there could be an underlying medical issue and advise they speak with a medical provider. . As far as what to do for yourself - set some firm boundaries. Be clear about the expectations of your home. Also include the positive and negative consequences should they decide to address or avoid this issue. I hope this helps you, your family members, and the pets!</p> </s> |
5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64 | I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? | I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop | Substance Abuse,Addiction | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Quitting smoking can be difficult. It's also true that there is part that is sometimes a physical need and a part that is often connected to emotions in some way. From the way that you wrote this, it sounds like you may have been able to stop smoking physically, but still have cravings.</p><p>One thing you can do is talk with your primary care physician or OB/GYN about whether there is anything that you can take to help with the cravings. Sometimes that can very helpful.</p><p>As far as the more emotional or mental piece, these things come to mind:</p><ul><li>Sometimes a crucial part is looking at the habit of smoking and seeing what else you can do to keep your mind and hands busy. There are sometimes toys, like those available at Office Playground, that may help to keep you physically occupied.</li><li>There can also be changes or additions to your routine because I imagine that smoking took up a great deal of your time. Maybe when you have the temptation to get up and go to have a cigarette, you could have several other things that you can get up and do instead. The list is endless, but a few examples could be doing some physical exercise (with the permission of your doctor) just for a couple minutes because that could help with the craving as well, completing a puzzle, learning a new activity that requires using your hands (painting or knitting, perhaps).</li><li>Another piece of quitting smoking is often linked to anxiety or other emotional changes, perhaps irritability. Depending on what it is that you may be feeling, learning other strategies to use can be helpful as well.</li><li>This can all be quite overwhelming and a very big life change. I would recommend that if things do not become easier for you, consider talking with a therapist. Then you could not only have some more strategies or ideas directly related to you, but you could have very direct support for what you are trying to do.</li></ul><p>I give you a lot of credit!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? <</SYS>> I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? [/INST] <p>Quitting smoking can be difficult. It's also true that there is part that is sometimes a physical need and a part that is often connected to emotions in some way. From the way that you wrote this, it sounds like you may have been able to stop smoking physically, but still have cravings.</p><p>One thing you can do is talk with your primary care physician or OB/GYN about whether there is anything that you can take to help with the cravings. Sometimes that can very helpful.</p><p>As far as the more emotional or mental piece, these things come to mind:</p><ul><li>Sometimes a crucial part is looking at the habit of smoking and seeing what else you can do to keep your mind and hands busy. There are sometimes toys, like those available at Office Playground, that may help to keep you physically occupied.</li><li>There can also be changes or additions to your routine because I imagine that smoking took up a great deal of your time. Maybe when you have the temptation to get up and go to have a cigarette, you could have several other things that you can get up and do instead. The list is endless, but a few examples could be doing some physical exercise (with the permission of your doctor) just for a couple minutes because that could help with the craving as well, completing a puzzle, learning a new activity that requires using your hands (painting or knitting, perhaps).</li><li>Another piece of quitting smoking is often linked to anxiety or other emotional changes, perhaps irritability. Depending on what it is that you may be feeling, learning other strategies to use can be helpful as well.</li><li>This can all be quite overwhelming and a very big life change. I would recommend that if things do not become easier for you, consider talking with a therapist. Then you could not only have some more strategies or ideas directly related to you, but you could have very direct support for what you are trying to do.</li></ul><p>I give you a lot of credit!</p> </s> |
567082c85bb022840f42baf4 | How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself | Spirituality | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | Therapy may be an effective way for you to get a stronger sense of who you are. A competent therapist will work to create a safe and curious therapeutic relationship in which you can explore your identity. There are also many different exercises which you can do in and out of therapy which you may find helpful in this area as well.<br> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I find myself? <</SYS>> I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. [/INST] Therapy may be an effective way for you to get a stronger sense of who you are. A competent therapist will work to create a safe and curious therapeutic relationship in which you can explore your identity. There are also many different exercises which you can do in and out of therapy which you may find helpful in this area as well.<br> </s> |
5797b028b43cd7825e26e248 | Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship? | My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-always-wrong-in-everything-in-my-relationship | Relationships,Marriage,Workplace Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>You may not get her to understand your point of view with any more success than your wife is having with you to do the same.</p><p>It is possible you are a balanced couple in the sense of neither one of you understanding the other.</p><p>The deeper question to ponder is whether each of you can accept the other person even though you each have very different terms for defining "cheating".</p><p>You will find either there are enough strong similarities to keep the two of you happy as a couple, or there aren't these similarities.</p><p>Then, the new question would be whether either of you want to address your findings or not.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship? <</SYS>> My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand? [/INST] <p>You may not get her to understand your point of view with any more success than your wife is having with you to do the same.</p><p>It is possible you are a balanced couple in the sense of neither one of you understanding the other.</p><p>The deeper question to ponder is whether each of you can accept the other person even though you each have very different terms for defining "cheating".</p><p>You will find either there are enough strong similarities to keep the two of you happy as a couple, or there aren't these similarities.</p><p>Then, the new question would be whether either of you want to address your findings or not.</p> </s> |
588861ae152ba8625f400559 | My family says I have depression. | I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression | Depression | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>I'm alway wary of assigning a term to a feeling, as often that term becomes more important than the feeling itself. From the very little that you have written, it is clear that you are going through something that has made you extremely low, affected your self-esteem and motivation, limits your enjoyment of formerly pleasurable activities and affects your feelings of self-worth. All of these are aspects of being depressed, though you can be depressed and still not have "depression". </p><p>Counseling is definitely a place where you can go and sort out why you have had such a sudden a drastic change to your mood. Sometimes our mood can be effected by changes in our routine, losses or significant disappointments. Talking with someone will not only help you to better understand why you are feeling this way, but they will also help you to ground yourself and learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood and strategize for the future. </p><p>I do hope that you will reach out. Feeling alone can be harmful over long periods of time, as it can stop us from seeking out the support we need. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My family says I have depression. <</SYS>> I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? [/INST] <p>I'm alway wary of assigning a term to a feeling, as often that term becomes more important than the feeling itself. From the very little that you have written, it is clear that you are going through something that has made you extremely low, affected your self-esteem and motivation, limits your enjoyment of formerly pleasurable activities and affects your feelings of self-worth. All of these are aspects of being depressed, though you can be depressed and still not have "depression". </p><p>Counseling is definitely a place where you can go and sort out why you have had such a sudden a drastic change to your mood. Sometimes our mood can be effected by changes in our routine, losses or significant disappointments. Talking with someone will not only help you to better understand why you are feeling this way, but they will also help you to ground yourself and learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood and strategize for the future. </p><p>I do hope that you will reach out. Feeling alone can be harmful over long periods of time, as it can stop us from seeking out the support we need. <br></p> </s> |
57a153d9188cd61c1684e858 | How do I get over "imposter syndrome"? | I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.
How can I get over this feeling? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-imposter-syndrome | Stress,Workplace Relationships,Anxiety | Samantha Osborne | https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne | <p>It sounds like you are on the right track. Recognizing these nagging thoughts of self- doubt as "imposter syndrome" is a huge step in the right direction. From what you have written here, it appears that you are able to challenge your own thoughts and provide yourself with evidence that counteracts the imposter syndrome. Continuing to remind yourself of what you have accomplished and looking at the facts at hand can help diminish doubt. Remember, many successful people battled imposter syndrome on the way to the top (and still manage it). It might be helpful to read some of their stories so that you don't feel alone. "The Cut" has a great article on "25 Famous Women on Imposter-Syndrome and Self-Doubt". Business Insider has a great article about men and the imposter syndrome too. </p><p>Remember, if you jumped through all of the hoops to get into school and get published-- you belong. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over "imposter syndrome"? <</SYS>> I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.
How can I get over this feeling? [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are on the right track. Recognizing these nagging thoughts of self- doubt as "imposter syndrome" is a huge step in the right direction. From what you have written here, it appears that you are able to challenge your own thoughts and provide yourself with evidence that counteracts the imposter syndrome. Continuing to remind yourself of what you have accomplished and looking at the facts at hand can help diminish doubt. Remember, many successful people battled imposter syndrome on the way to the top (and still manage it). It might be helpful to read some of their stories so that you don't feel alone. "The Cut" has a great article on "25 Famous Women on Imposter-Syndrome and Self-Doubt". Business Insider has a great article about men and the imposter syndrome too. </p><p>Remember, if you jumped through all of the hoops to get into school and get published-- you belong. </p> </s> |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Keisha Helms | https://counselchat.com/therapists/keisha-helms | <p>Hi there. Being 15 years old can be a very difficult time in your teenage life. I remember when I was 15 and how I often felt my parents weren’t listening to me. It’s even more difficult when you feel that you do not have a friend that you can confide in. </p><p>Having depression in the past and being able to get through it shows me that you can get through anything! Depression alone is a very difficult problem to work through. In addition to the communication problem with your parents, it appears that you are also struggling with stress and anxiety. We all have stress and anxiety in our lives. If we didn’t, none of us would be living. Anxiety & stress keep us on our toes! Often, I have to remind myself of this as well. However, it is how we manage stress and anxiety, so it will not overcome our lives. </p><p>Are you familiar with relaxation techniques, such as: deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga? Relaxation Techniques can help you tremendously in reducing your stress and anxiety. </p><p>Deep breathing exercises are helpful when you are on the go, such as school, shopping, out with friends or whatever extracurricular activities you engage in. Most people do not take full advantage of their lung capacity. I know, that sounds silly. But, it’s true. You would be surprised how much air you lungs can hold. Imagine being in the Doctor’s office and taking deep breaths. This is what you want to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and/or stressed. Take a moment to take in at least 10 deep breaths and let them out slowly. You will be surprised how well you feel afterwards. </p><p>Meditation and Yoga are also healthy forms to working through stress and anxiety. You will need a quiet place for your meditation. You want to be “in the moment” and take in the peace and serenity. All it takes is a quiet place, closing your eyes and thinking of your “happy place.” Some people use meditation music as well. If you have access to this type of music and or the internet for more ways to practice meditation, please go for it! </p><p>Yoga on the other hand will take a little more work and practice. I would not suggest you learning this on your own, if you have never attempted yoga before. Find an experienced Yoga instructor to teach you the ropes and/or ask your school counselor about the possibility of getting someone to come to the school to teach the students. </p><p>Lastly, in regards to your parents it is very important to be able to have a relationship where you feel comfortable communicating. I would recommend writing a letter to them, if you are unable to express how you feel in person. A letter is more intimate and requires a little more effort on their end. If they are open on working on this relationship, maybe suggest family counseling to fully work on this issue.</p><p> I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get people to listen? <</SYS>> I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. [/INST] <p>Hi there. Being 15 years old can be a very difficult time in your teenage life. I remember when I was 15 and how I often felt my parents weren’t listening to me. It’s even more difficult when you feel that you do not have a friend that you can confide in. </p><p>Having depression in the past and being able to get through it shows me that you can get through anything! Depression alone is a very difficult problem to work through. In addition to the communication problem with your parents, it appears that you are also struggling with stress and anxiety. We all have stress and anxiety in our lives. If we didn’t, none of us would be living. Anxiety & stress keep us on our toes! Often, I have to remind myself of this as well. However, it is how we manage stress and anxiety, so it will not overcome our lives. </p><p>Are you familiar with relaxation techniques, such as: deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga? Relaxation Techniques can help you tremendously in reducing your stress and anxiety. </p><p>Deep breathing exercises are helpful when you are on the go, such as school, shopping, out with friends or whatever extracurricular activities you engage in. Most people do not take full advantage of their lung capacity. I know, that sounds silly. But, it’s true. You would be surprised how much air you lungs can hold. Imagine being in the Doctor’s office and taking deep breaths. This is what you want to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and/or stressed. Take a moment to take in at least 10 deep breaths and let them out slowly. You will be surprised how well you feel afterwards. </p><p>Meditation and Yoga are also healthy forms to working through stress and anxiety. You will need a quiet place for your meditation. You want to be “in the moment” and take in the peace and serenity. All it takes is a quiet place, closing your eyes and thinking of your “happy place.” Some people use meditation music as well. If you have access to this type of music and or the internet for more ways to practice meditation, please go for it! </p><p>Yoga on the other hand will take a little more work and practice. I would not suggest you learning this on your own, if you have never attempted yoga before. Find an experienced Yoga instructor to teach you the ropes and/or ask your school counselor about the possibility of getting someone to come to the school to teach the students. </p><p>Lastly, in regards to your parents it is very important to be able to have a relationship where you feel comfortable communicating. I would recommend writing a letter to them, if you are unable to express how you feel in person. A letter is more intimate and requires a little more effort on their end. If they are open on working on this relationship, maybe suggest family counseling to fully work on this issue.</p><p> I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best! </p> </s> |
5682c8c4a377e46d7ebe2c7f | The love of my life wants to try getting back together with her child's father. | About two and a half months ago, I met a woman on a dating site. We went out on two dates, and then despite her original plans on how to pace and conduct the relationship, I ended up at her house on a the Friday night one week after our first date. We respectfully tried not to have sex, but after hours of trying to resist each other, we gave in and we had sex. After that, I slept at her house every night for almost two weeks. Then one day, she went to her family’s house on Thanksgiving and everything changed. Within the short time we were together, we got so close and serious really fast. We had finally found each other. We told each other that we loved each other all the time, even while we were making love. A few days after Thanksgiving, she told me that we would have to go back to her original plans of seeing each other much less frequently. I was very hurt and didn’t understand. Then another week later, she told me she couldn’t do it at all anymore. I was crushed!
A few days later, she tells me how much she’s missing me and “let’s get together for lunch” or something like that. Then about two weeks later, we finally get together one night and we were so hot for each other (in love, not just sex), but she confessed that the reason for the sudden distance was that the father of her very young child told her he wants to get back together and this totally messed with her. So for her child’s sake, she is now considering the possibility of allowing that to happen. She had told me all about him previously, and it is definite that she has little to no attraction to him, but she would do this putting herself in misery again for her child. Our love for each other is fully established and acknowledged, but she is torn and confused. She doesn’t even think it would work between them as she had to kick him out before for not fulfilling his role properly. I know she needs time, and all I can do is take care of myself. We have agreed to remain friends, and if this doesn’t work out for her, we will try again. I’m completely in love with her, and I’m in extreme pain. | https://counselchat.com/questions/the-love-of-my-life-wants-to-try-getting-back-together-with-her-child-s-father | Relationships | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>That sounds really heartbreaking. It is tough falling in love and not being able to dive fully because of complications on the other side. It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing by taking "care of myself" while the rest sorts itself out. While I admire your desire and courage to stay friends - the "extreme pain" that you mentioned may make this too challenging and at odds with your taking care of yourself. Since there is no commitment on her end to give it a shot with you I would make sure that you really honour your own feelings about what feels right to you so that you don't end up feeling strung along or resentful. Make sure that you lean on friends and family at this time - we need all the support that we can get when we are heartbroken. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> The love of my life wants to try getting back together with her child's father. <</SYS>> About two and a half months ago, I met a woman on a dating site. We went out on two dates, and then despite her original plans on how to pace and conduct the relationship, I ended up at her house on a the Friday night one week after our first date. We respectfully tried not to have sex, but after hours of trying to resist each other, we gave in and we had sex. After that, I slept at her house every night for almost two weeks. Then one day, she went to her family’s house on Thanksgiving and everything changed. Within the short time we were together, we got so close and serious really fast. We had finally found each other. We told each other that we loved each other all the time, even while we were making love. A few days after Thanksgiving, she told me that we would have to go back to her original plans of seeing each other much less frequently. I was very hurt and didn’t understand. Then another week later, she told me she couldn’t do it at all anymore. I was crushed!
A few days later, she tells me how much she’s missing me and “let’s get together for lunch” or something like that. Then about two weeks later, we finally get together one night and we were so hot for each other (in love, not just sex), but she confessed that the reason for the sudden distance was that the father of her very young child told her he wants to get back together and this totally messed with her. So for her child’s sake, she is now considering the possibility of allowing that to happen. She had told me all about him previously, and it is definite that she has little to no attraction to him, but she would do this putting herself in misery again for her child. Our love for each other is fully established and acknowledged, but she is torn and confused. She doesn’t even think it would work between them as she had to kick him out before for not fulfilling his role properly. I know she needs time, and all I can do is take care of myself. We have agreed to remain friends, and if this doesn’t work out for her, we will try again. I’m completely in love with her, and I’m in extreme pain. [/INST] <p>That sounds really heartbreaking. It is tough falling in love and not being able to dive fully because of complications on the other side. It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing by taking "care of myself" while the rest sorts itself out. While I admire your desire and courage to stay friends - the "extreme pain" that you mentioned may make this too challenging and at odds with your taking care of yourself. Since there is no commitment on her end to give it a shot with you I would make sure that you really honour your own feelings about what feels right to you so that you don't end up feeling strung along or resentful. Make sure that you lean on friends and family at this time - we need all the support that we can get when we are heartbroken. </p> </s> |
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8 | I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship | Trauma,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.</p><p>It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.</p><p>Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship <</SYS>> I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. [/INST] <p>One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.</p><p>It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.</p><p>Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.</p> </s> |
564b83855e8030c4305b3123 | How do I get my sex drive back after my rape? | I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-sex-drive-back-after-my-rape | Self-esteem,Marriage,Trauma,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry for your being taken advantage of and for all the negative feelings created by being exploited.</p><p>If you have not already explained to your wife about what caused your great distress, then please consider doing this. </p><p>A conversation that happens in a safe relationship, will give her a chance of being supportive to you. And, the discussion may relieve some of the bad feelings toward yourself which you currently feel.</p><p>In its most positive light, you and your wife can build a new sex life based on the loving foundation you develop from talking with one another in this deeper way.</p><p>It will certainly distinguish your love based sex life with your wife, from sex as a violation of your body by other people.</p><p><br></p><p>There are also behavior therapists who would set a program of building tolerance for sex as part of your usual life.</p><p>These programs usually work for a short while only, unless the person also clears out the deeper levels of fear and hurt from being victimized.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck in progressing to feeling that your sex drive is back!</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my sex drive back after my rape? <</SYS>> I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry for your being taken advantage of and for all the negative feelings created by being exploited.</p><p>If you have not already explained to your wife about what caused your great distress, then please consider doing this. </p><p>A conversation that happens in a safe relationship, will give her a chance of being supportive to you. And, the discussion may relieve some of the bad feelings toward yourself which you currently feel.</p><p>In its most positive light, you and your wife can build a new sex life based on the loving foundation you develop from talking with one another in this deeper way.</p><p>It will certainly distinguish your love based sex life with your wife, from sex as a violation of your body by other people.</p><p><br></p><p>There are also behavior therapists who would set a program of building tolerance for sex as part of your usual life.</p><p>These programs usually work for a short while only, unless the person also clears out the deeper levels of fear and hurt from being victimized.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck in progressing to feeling that your sex drive is back!</p><p><br></p> </s> |
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789 | What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? | I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide | Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma | Claudia Higgins | https://counselchat.com/therapists/claudia-higgins | <p>Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. <span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note that one may</span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;"> express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. </span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? <</SYS>> I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? [/INST] <p>Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend. It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. <span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note that one may</span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;"> express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. </span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.</span></p> </s> |
56d4e35d1f8f233e09696a4d | How can I feel so empty even though I'm only in my early teens? | My life is completely normal, yet I feel empty inside. I feel as if I already know why I'm alive: to reproduce and die. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-feel-so-empty-even-though-i-m-only-in-my-early-teens | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Are there any times or moments in which you feel other than "empty"? Start with knowing the context of when you feel something other than empty.</p><p>If there is no recent example, then in your mind, go back in time to think of when you felt something other than empty. Recall what you liked about this time, whether you were by yourself or with others, what type of activity you were involved at the time of non-emptiness.</p><p>How did you come to your conclusion that your life purpose is to reproduce and die? </p><p>If this is what your parents, siblings and extended family believe, it is possible that you have a broader view of yourself and haven't yet uncovered a way of defining your own philosophy of living.</p><p>Give yourself the time to browse around online, or in person social meet ups, on your interests. It is possible you will discover entire new areas of life and ways of considering life, that are brand new to you and which connect to your true self.<br></p><p>This is one way of respecting your individuality, which of itself, may decrease your sense of emptiness.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I feel so empty even though I'm only in my early teens? <</SYS>> My life is completely normal, yet I feel empty inside. I feel as if I already know why I'm alive: to reproduce and die. [/INST] <p>Are there any times or moments in which you feel other than "empty"? Start with knowing the context of when you feel something other than empty.</p><p>If there is no recent example, then in your mind, go back in time to think of when you felt something other than empty. Recall what you liked about this time, whether you were by yourself or with others, what type of activity you were involved at the time of non-emptiness.</p><p>How did you come to your conclusion that your life purpose is to reproduce and die? </p><p>If this is what your parents, siblings and extended family believe, it is possible that you have a broader view of yourself and haven't yet uncovered a way of defining your own philosophy of living.</p><p>Give yourself the time to browse around online, or in person social meet ups, on your interests. It is possible you will discover entire new areas of life and ways of considering life, that are brand new to you and which connect to your true self.<br></p><p>This is one way of respecting your individuality, which of itself, may decrease your sense of emptiness.</p> </s> |
56dfacf3095966e22a8c149f | How do I handle my binge eating? | I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-my-binge-eating | Stress,Eating Disorders | Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/todd-schmenk-m-s-m-ed | <p>In dealing with an eating disorder you are far from alone. It is more common than you might think and tied to so many variables that it is easy for an individual to become overwhelmed in trying to navigate the influences of such variables. I have been working with individuals dealing with such challenges since 1998 and have found over the years that behavioral analysis is highly effective in helping you begin to isolate, understand and then be able to address many of these variable impacting your behavioral and cognitive choices. </p><p>Consider finding someone trained in Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT). There is a large body of evidence supporting the use of this approach to alleviating many of the aspects you identified in your post as well of a wide variety of tools that you can choose from and utilize that are able to practiced and assimilated into your daily tool box of coping mechanisms that end up becoming new behaviors and ways of thinking about issues that become automatic, the best possible outcome you can hope for if you want the solution to be sustainable. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I handle my binge eating? <</SYS>> I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle? [/INST] <p>In dealing with an eating disorder you are far from alone. It is more common than you might think and tied to so many variables that it is easy for an individual to become overwhelmed in trying to navigate the influences of such variables. I have been working with individuals dealing with such challenges since 1998 and have found over the years that behavioral analysis is highly effective in helping you begin to isolate, understand and then be able to address many of these variable impacting your behavioral and cognitive choices. </p><p>Consider finding someone trained in Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT). There is a large body of evidence supporting the use of this approach to alleviating many of the aspects you identified in your post as well of a wide variety of tools that you can choose from and utilize that are able to practiced and assimilated into your daily tool box of coping mechanisms that end up becoming new behaviors and ways of thinking about issues that become automatic, the best possible outcome you can hope for if you want the solution to be sustainable. </p> </s> |
56b8162592c6c8121977a0c3 | I'm worried that there's something wrong with the guy I love. | I met a guy a while ago, and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I love him, but I don't think I know him. What if he is not who I think he is? I cry sometimes thinking someone is going to be with him or that he has a girlfriend. I don't know, am I too obsessive? Every time we talk though, it's like magic. He makes me feel amazing, but what if I'm mistaken? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-that-there-s-something-wrong-with-the-guy-i-love | Relationships,Anxiety | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Keller, it sounds like you're living this relationship in your mind, instead of in the real world. You can get answers to your questions by talking to him...getting to know him will answer all the curiosities you have. You're asking the questions in your head instead of being in the friendship. </p><p>So what is it that gets in the way of actually asking the questions and getting to know him? Fear of rejection? Fear of something else? If you have fear that keeps you from having fulfilling friendships, I recommend a therapist to help you work through that. I wish you well. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried that there's something wrong with the guy I love. <</SYS>> I met a guy a while ago, and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I love him, but I don't think I know him. What if he is not who I think he is? I cry sometimes thinking someone is going to be with him or that he has a girlfriend. I don't know, am I too obsessive? Every time we talk though, it's like magic. He makes me feel amazing, but what if I'm mistaken? [/INST] <p>Keller, it sounds like you're living this relationship in your mind, instead of in the real world. You can get answers to your questions by talking to him...getting to know him will answer all the curiosities you have. You're asking the questions in your head instead of being in the friendship. </p><p>So what is it that gets in the way of actually asking the questions and getting to know him? Fear of rejection? Fear of something else? If you have fear that keeps you from having fulfilling friendships, I recommend a therapist to help you work through that. I wish you well. :)</p> </s> |
56aa3e6d055046120c556c8e | My wife doesn't want to have sex. | My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex | Marriage,Intimacy,Human Sexuality | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Congrats on your upcoming baby!</p><p>Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.</p><p>From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.</p><p>The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.</p><p>Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex. Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.</p><p>Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy. </p><p>If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife doesn't want to have sex. <</SYS>> My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way. [/INST] <p>Congrats on your upcoming baby!</p><p>Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.</p><p>From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.</p><p>The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.</p><p>Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex. Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.</p><p>Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy. </p><p>If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
57315167aaeea25a1918b5f0 | I think my daughter is stressing too much. | When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-daughter-is-stressing-too-much | Stress,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I agree with your observation about your daughter feeling stressed. </p><p>Are you able to open this topic in conversation with her?</p><p>Also, reflect on your own expectations as a parent. </p><p>It is possible that your daughter is trying to please you by getting consistently high grades.</p><p>If your daughter prefers talking in confidence to a therapist, then this may help her regain a sense of balance in her life so that schoolwork feels less stressful.</p><p>I wouldn't take her to a doctor because based on what you write, the problem is psychological and emotionally based. While the stress may have physical symptoms, addressing the root cause of the problem has nothing to do directly with something being physically wrong with your daughter.</p><p>Unless there is some other medical or physical problem that would explain your daughter's sense of stress, I'd start first by bringing your areas of concern to your daughter, then possibly to a therapist. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I think my daughter is stressing too much. <</SYS>> When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. [/INST] <p>I agree with your observation about your daughter feeling stressed. </p><p>Are you able to open this topic in conversation with her?</p><p>Also, reflect on your own expectations as a parent. </p><p>It is possible that your daughter is trying to please you by getting consistently high grades.</p><p>If your daughter prefers talking in confidence to a therapist, then this may help her regain a sense of balance in her life so that schoolwork feels less stressful.</p><p>I wouldn't take her to a doctor because based on what you write, the problem is psychological and emotionally based. While the stress may have physical symptoms, addressing the root cause of the problem has nothing to do directly with something being physically wrong with your daughter.</p><p>Unless there is some other medical or physical problem that would explain your daughter's sense of stress, I'd start first by bringing your areas of concern to your daughter, then possibly to a therapist. </p> </s> |
56fc11beb814e1ce463719a8 | Is it wrong to cheat on my husband? | We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-to-cheat-on-my-husband | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Marriage | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about
whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered
by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask
yourself to help you find your answer:</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"><br></font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">1.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">Do you feel like you are violating your own
values or morals? This is important, because we all have different values and
morals surrounding sex, love, and monogamy. If you value monogamous
relationships and find yourself cheating on your partner, then you may feel
like you are living in contradiction to your values, and most people are not
happy when they do that. However, if monogamy is not something you value, then
perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if it is still
right for you. Not all people want monogamous relationships, and that
is alright. Finally, if you value your husband’s feelings and know that the
affairs would hurt him, then your behaviors may again be in contrast to your
own values. That can only be determined by you. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">2.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">Based on how you describe your relationship, it
sounds like you are not very satisfied with the way it is. From the outside, it looks like the affairs
are a way to “get even” with your husband or to feel better after an argument. This
is something that can happen when mutual respect starts to fade in a
relationship and gets replaced with contempt. We can simply stop caring about
how our actions hurt each other, or potentially hurt each other. Perhaps the
question to ask here is, when you look out toward the future with your husband,
is this the pattern that you want to keep? The pattern of very little sex,
argument, and then satisfying the pain or dissatisfaction with affairs. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">3.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">What are your goals for this relationship? If we
start to become disconnected in a relationship, we can begin to do things on
autopilot. Get up, get the kids up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. None
of which requires any intimacy at all. Are you still able to see the hopes and
dreams you once had for this relationship?</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">4.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">Have you considered seeking marital counseling? Not
having affairs won’t actually fix the part of the relationship that is leading
you to have them. If there is something broken, it sometimes requires some help
to get it fixed. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hopefully these questions and thoughts will help you come to
some kind of conclusion about what is right for you and your relationship. I certainly
wish you well. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it wrong to cheat on my husband? <</SYS>> We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice. [/INST] <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about
whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered
by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask
yourself to help you find your answer:</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"><br></font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">1.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">Do you feel like you are violating your own
values or morals? This is important, because we all have different values and
morals surrounding sex, love, and monogamy. If you value monogamous
relationships and find yourself cheating on your partner, then you may feel
like you are living in contradiction to your values, and most people are not
happy when they do that. However, if monogamy is not something you value, then
perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if it is still
right for you. Not all people want monogamous relationships, and that
is alright. Finally, if you value your husband’s feelings and know that the
affairs would hurt him, then your behaviors may again be in contrast to your
own values. That can only be determined by you. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">2.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">Based on how you describe your relationship, it
sounds like you are not very satisfied with the way it is. From the outside, it looks like the affairs
are a way to “get even” with your husband or to feel better after an argument. This
is something that can happen when mutual respect starts to fade in a
relationship and gets replaced with contempt. We can simply stop caring about
how our actions hurt each other, or potentially hurt each other. Perhaps the
question to ask here is, when you look out toward the future with your husband,
is this the pattern that you want to keep? The pattern of very little sex,
argument, and then satisfying the pain or dissatisfaction with affairs. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">3.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">What are your goals for this relationship? If we
start to become disconnected in a relationship, we can begin to do things on
autopilot. Get up, get the kids up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. None
of which requires any intimacy at all. Are you still able to see the hopes and
dreams you once had for this relationship?</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"><span style="mso-list:Ignore"><font face="Calibri" size="3">4.</font><span style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><font face="Calibri" size="3">Have you considered seeking marital counseling? Not
having affairs won’t actually fix the part of the relationship that is leading
you to have them. If there is something broken, it sometimes requires some help
to get it fixed. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hopefully these questions and thoughts will help you come to
some kind of conclusion about what is right for you and your relationship. I certainly
wish you well. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> </s> |
579aad97188cd61c1684e80a | How can I ask my boyfriend about who he's texting? | We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-ask-my-boyfriend-about-who-he-s-texting | Relationships | Virginia Chow | https://counselchat.com/therapists/virginia-chow | <p>I agree with Sherry that in a close intimate relationship, you are entitled to ask questions about his relationship with significant others. These questions help couples to build connection and trust. It's based on the idea that if you reach out to him for whatever reason (support, openess, understanding, empathy), you can count on him and can expect him to be responsive. How he responds to your question will give you an idea whether he helps you to feel more emotionally secure and builds trust or if you feel that you cannot be open with him. If your partner responds in an open and understanding manner, it usually indicates that he cares about your feelings and values your importance. If he responds in a defensive manner, it could mean that he does not like that you are questioning your trust in him or that he has something to hide. Either way, you may wish to explain that building trust is something that is very important to you in a relationship and that talking to him openly helps to foster that. If he continues to be defensive or evasive, then there might be some bigger issues at stake and the two of you may benefit from couples counselling or having a discussion about the values that are important to you in the relationship and how the two of you will go about supporting those values with actions.</p><p><br></p><p>Dr. Virginia Chow</p><p>www.PsychologyResource.ca</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I ask my boyfriend about who he's texting? <</SYS>> We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?. [/INST] <p>I agree with Sherry that in a close intimate relationship, you are entitled to ask questions about his relationship with significant others. These questions help couples to build connection and trust. It's based on the idea that if you reach out to him for whatever reason (support, openess, understanding, empathy), you can count on him and can expect him to be responsive. How he responds to your question will give you an idea whether he helps you to feel more emotionally secure and builds trust or if you feel that you cannot be open with him. If your partner responds in an open and understanding manner, it usually indicates that he cares about your feelings and values your importance. If he responds in a defensive manner, it could mean that he does not like that you are questioning your trust in him or that he has something to hide. Either way, you may wish to explain that building trust is something that is very important to you in a relationship and that talking to him openly helps to foster that. If he continues to be defensive or evasive, then there might be some bigger issues at stake and the two of you may benefit from couples counselling or having a discussion about the values that are important to you in the relationship and how the two of you will go about supporting those values with actions.</p><p><br></p><p>Dr. Virginia Chow</p><p>www.PsychologyResource.ca</p> </s> |
561ed77ddb761a811c20a28d | What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-proper-procedure-if-your-child-s-therapist-is-leaving-the-practice-to-work-elsewhere | Professional Ethics | Mark Morris, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans | <p>Ask the therapist first. They will either tell you how to continue with them in the new job or give you a referral. They also will help your child with the transition. </p><p>If that fails, ask the agency where your child sees the therapist about next steps. There's an agency director or equivalent who will probably be happy to help you. </p><p>If that fails, and I hope it doesn't, consider finding a therapist on your own. </p><p>If the therapist is not helping or is behaving unethically, contact the state agency which issues the therapist's license for help and to let them know about your experience. That will protect the next parent. </p><p>Good luck. ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Ask the therapist first. They will either tell you how to continue with them in the new job or give you a referral. They also will help your child with the transition. </p><p>If that fails, ask the agency where your child sees the therapist about next steps. There's an agency director or equivalent who will probably be happy to help you. </p><p>If that fails, and I hope it doesn't, consider finding a therapist on your own. </p><p>If the therapist is not helping or is behaving unethically, contact the state agency which issues the therapist's license for help and to let them know about your experience. That will protect the next parent. </p><p>Good luck. ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p> </s> |
55de7d6a368d07e003f28d2a | I have come to the realization that my boyfriend and I want different things | I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month. I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion.
Lately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want.
We have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-come-to-the-realization-that-my-boyfriend-and-i-want-different-things | Relationships,Anxiety | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | <p>It sounds like you have some insight into the cycle that you describe with your current relationship and at the same time you are still feeling stuck. It also sounds like the distressing feelings that you experience, when you imagine what will happen for you and your current partner, are pretty overwhelming. A competent therapist may be able to help you work through these difficult thoughts and feelings and find a resolution to this cycle that will feel right to you.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have come to the realization that my boyfriend and I want different things <</SYS>> I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month. I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion.
Lately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want.
We have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you have some insight into the cycle that you describe with your current relationship and at the same time you are still feeling stuck. It also sounds like the distressing feelings that you experience, when you imagine what will happen for you and your current partner, are pretty overwhelming. A competent therapist may be able to help you work through these difficult thoughts and feelings and find a resolution to this cycle that will feel right to you.<br></p> </s> |
55d2c26319a09db163aa501f | I weigh over 220 pounds and I am 16 years old | About 3 years ago or so I was skinny, but I was still ugly. I really do want to change that but I've tried 3 times. Now can I try but don't stop. At school I get bullied about my weight and my ugliness and I have been bullied my whole life that I believe them.
How can I stop thinking about them and don't let it get in my head? My parents said I don't weight that much but, they do think I am fat but, they tell me I am not. I told my parents that I need to go to a therapist, but they think I am fine and I think they don't want to deal with it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-weigh-over-220-pounds-and-i-am-16-years-old | Self-esteem | Amy Fortney Parks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-fortney-parks | <p>Hey! I am so impressed with your efforts to ask questions, to figure out how to change the messages that you hear (and say to yourself), and to get support! And it sounds like you want to make some changes in your life! Take a walk over to the counseling office at school, the school nurse or consider reaching out to your Pediatrician’s office. You don’t have to have your parent’s permission to seek support for yourself! And maybe taking control of your support network will give you the strength to make even bigger decisions about your health! I am rooting for you! Be Wise!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I weigh over 220 pounds and I am 16 years old <</SYS>> About 3 years ago or so I was skinny, but I was still ugly. I really do want to change that but I've tried 3 times. Now can I try but don't stop. At school I get bullied about my weight and my ugliness and I have been bullied my whole life that I believe them.
How can I stop thinking about them and don't let it get in my head? My parents said I don't weight that much but, they do think I am fat but, they tell me I am not. I told my parents that I need to go to a therapist, but they think I am fine and I think they don't want to deal with it. [/INST] <p>Hey! I am so impressed with your efforts to ask questions, to figure out how to change the messages that you hear (and say to yourself), and to get support! And it sounds like you want to make some changes in your life! Take a walk over to the counseling office at school, the school nurse or consider reaching out to your Pediatrician’s office. You don’t have to have your parent’s permission to seek support for yourself! And maybe taking control of your support network will give you the strength to make even bigger decisions about your health! I am rooting for you! Be Wise!</p> </s> |
5767bebc008fce8e73e1eb94 | Why is my fiancé angry at me about his automobile insurance? | My fiancé and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-my-fianc-angry-at-me-about-his-automobile-insurance | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>A few things come to mind. I wonder if your fiancé is still angry about it or if he was angry in that moment and has now worked through it.</p><p>It sounds like there was also a difference in expectations here. You were just paying the bill with the money he was giving to you and he may have assumed you were reading it. You thought that you were following his directions. It could be that you could have a discussion about it, but that depends on how much of a hot button issue it still is for either of you.</p><p>If you're going to talk about it, I might suggest asking whether this would be a good time to have a discussion about what happened with the automobile insurance so that you can both use the opportunity to learn more about yourselves and each other around this particular issue.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why is my fiancé angry at me about his automobile insurance? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger. [/INST] <p>A few things come to mind. I wonder if your fiancé is still angry about it or if he was angry in that moment and has now worked through it.</p><p>It sounds like there was also a difference in expectations here. You were just paying the bill with the money he was giving to you and he may have assumed you were reading it. You thought that you were following his directions. It could be that you could have a discussion about it, but that depends on how much of a hot button issue it still is for either of you.</p><p>If you're going to talk about it, I might suggest asking whether this would be a good time to have a discussion about what happened with the automobile insurance so that you can both use the opportunity to learn more about yourselves and each other around this particular issue.</p> </s> |
579a92a0188cd61c1684e807 | How can I keep a long distance relationship going? | We weren't long distance until he joined the military. I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-keep-a-long-distance-relationship-going | Relationships,Military Issues | Mindy Ross | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mindy-ross | <p>Loving someone in the military is hard. My husband and I joined the USAF two months after we got married! How long do you expect to be apart? Do you have access to Skype or something similar? How far away from each other are you? Can you meet half way periodically? I have a number of military friends who have dates over the miles with facebook live. They pick a restaurant, order, and talk about their day. It's super cute and sweet. What are some things that you have tried?<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I keep a long distance relationship going? <</SYS>> We weren't long distance until he joined the military. I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going? [/INST] <p>Loving someone in the military is hard. My husband and I joined the USAF two months after we got married! How long do you expect to be apart? Do you have access to Skype or something similar? How far away from each other are you? Can you meet half way periodically? I have a number of military friends who have dates over the miles with facebook live. They pick a restaurant, order, and talk about their day. It's super cute and sweet. What are some things that you have tried?<br></p> </s> |
57992dbeb43cd7825e26e285 | I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself. | I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-sometimes-i-feel-like-i-hate-myself | Self-esteem | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation. </p><p>A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality. </p><p>The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you are an adult, think back to your childhood. Children who grow up in an unstable home often grow up to be adults with insecurities and emotional problems. The obvious, such as being abused, can certainly lead to a person having little to no confidence and self esteem, but there are other situations that might surprise you to hear they can be damaging to a person.</p><p>You may have never been physically or sexually abused, but what about emotionally? Were you yelled at, berated, put down? Were you told you'd never amount to anything? Were you compared to siblings and felt like you always fell short, couldn't live up to expectations? When you hear something over and over again, you start to believe it.</p><p>Maybe you weren't yelled at. Maybe it was the opposite. Studies show that children who grow up with a parent who is depressed show signs of emotional neglect. A chronically depressed mother, for example, may have seemed cold, detached, emotionless. She may have been less likely to show interest in a child's life, not give praise for accomplishments or show support by going to ballgames or performances. </p><p>If one of your family members were chronically ill while you were growing up, chances are, a lot of the attention went to them, which could have led to your needs not being met.</p><p>Any of these situations could cause a person to grow up feeling unimportant, unheard, unloved, or like they don't matter.</p><p>Maybe nothing I've described here fits your situation. If you can't pinpoint what has caused you to feel this way on your own, a counselor can help.</p><p>I am not saying "blame it on your parents" or telling you there's nothing you can do to change it! Quite the opposite! Understanding WHY you feel that way is a first step towards making the changes needed to feel better. Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on cognition - figure out the WHY. Then behavior - the HOW. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself. <</SYS>> I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? [/INST] <p>The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation. </p><p>A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality. </p><p>The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you are an adult, think back to your childhood. Children who grow up in an unstable home often grow up to be adults with insecurities and emotional problems. The obvious, such as being abused, can certainly lead to a person having little to no confidence and self esteem, but there are other situations that might surprise you to hear they can be damaging to a person.</p><p>You may have never been physically or sexually abused, but what about emotionally? Were you yelled at, berated, put down? Were you told you'd never amount to anything? Were you compared to siblings and felt like you always fell short, couldn't live up to expectations? When you hear something over and over again, you start to believe it.</p><p>Maybe you weren't yelled at. Maybe it was the opposite. Studies show that children who grow up with a parent who is depressed show signs of emotional neglect. A chronically depressed mother, for example, may have seemed cold, detached, emotionless. She may have been less likely to show interest in a child's life, not give praise for accomplishments or show support by going to ballgames or performances. </p><p>If one of your family members were chronically ill while you were growing up, chances are, a lot of the attention went to them, which could have led to your needs not being met.</p><p>Any of these situations could cause a person to grow up feeling unimportant, unheard, unloved, or like they don't matter.</p><p>Maybe nothing I've described here fits your situation. If you can't pinpoint what has caused you to feel this way on your own, a counselor can help.</p><p>I am not saying "blame it on your parents" or telling you there's nothing you can do to change it! Quite the opposite! Understanding WHY you feel that way is a first step towards making the changes needed to feel better. Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on cognition - figure out the WHY. Then behavior - the HOW. </p> </s> |
5570b7fea03de6c365f45ba1 | Unethical Therapy Practices | What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? | https://counselchat.com/questions/unethical-therapy-practices | Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>This sounds like a potentially serious situation. The most important thing is to make sure the child is safe. If you suspect that a child is (or has been) harmed, I would strongly recommend that you report your concerns to your local law enforcement or to Child Protective Services. If you don't think that a child is in danger, you can still report your suspicion of counselor misconduct to the state regulatory board.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Unethical Therapy Practices <</SYS>> What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? [/INST] <p>This sounds like a potentially serious situation. The most important thing is to make sure the child is safe. If you suspect that a child is (or has been) harmed, I would strongly recommend that you report your concerns to your local law enforcement or to Child Protective Services. If you don't think that a child is in danger, you can still report your suspicion of counselor misconduct to the state regulatory board.</p> </s> |
56f58ed0b814e1ce46371910 | How can I control my temper? | I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-temper | Anger Management | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>Yes you can.. If you cannot control your temper, who can? You have more power of your emotions, thoughts and feeling than you are giving yourself credit for. If this is scaring your wife and child, you need to get control of it immediately. Try going to an anger management class. It will help to discover what is the root cause of your anger, what triggers it and how you can control/manage it. If you can't go to a class, try self help books or even better yet counseling and support of a professional counselor.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I control my temper? <</SYS>> I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child. [/INST] <p>Yes you can.. If you cannot control your temper, who can? You have more power of your emotions, thoughts and feeling than you are giving yourself credit for. If this is scaring your wife and child, you need to get control of it immediately. Try going to an anger management class. It will help to discover what is the root cause of your anger, what triggers it and how you can control/manage it. If you can't go to a class, try self help books or even better yet counseling and support of a professional counselor.<br></p> </s> |
56dcf60656eceaa34f948f94 | Why does it feel as if self-harm is an addiction? | I self-harm, and I stop for awhile. Then when I see something sad or depressing, I automatically want to self-harm. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-does-it-feel-as-if-self-harm-is-an-addiction | Addiction,Depression,Self-harm | Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/todd-schmenk-m-s-m-ed | <p>In a way, self-harm can present somewhat like an addiction. According to new research within the field of neuroscience there is a valid explanation for this. When a person cuts or uses other forms of self harm, the body produces endorphins to help make a person feel better. If a person was dealing with depression or high anxiety, that might be misinterpreted by the brain as a way to help oneself feel better and a new neural network or map might form (addiction) that would utilize this new behavior. Another way to look at it would be thru a behavioral lens, a positive reward for a behavior, even though the behavior has other long term negative consequences. </p><p>Consider working with someone who can both have you work on and address those items that trigger your behavior and the root causes, in this case sadness or depression, and second find someone who can help give you alternatives that take into account the neurological requirement by replacing the behavior with another behavior (such as snapping a rubber band on the wrist) and working to extinguish the unwanted behavior. Someone who is trained in Dialectic Behavior Therapy and/or Interpersonal Neurobiology would most likely have the skills and means available to address this with you. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why does it feel as if self-harm is an addiction? <</SYS>> I self-harm, and I stop for awhile. Then when I see something sad or depressing, I automatically want to self-harm. [/INST] <p>In a way, self-harm can present somewhat like an addiction. According to new research within the field of neuroscience there is a valid explanation for this. When a person cuts or uses other forms of self harm, the body produces endorphins to help make a person feel better. If a person was dealing with depression or high anxiety, that might be misinterpreted by the brain as a way to help oneself feel better and a new neural network or map might form (addiction) that would utilize this new behavior. Another way to look at it would be thru a behavioral lens, a positive reward for a behavior, even though the behavior has other long term negative consequences. </p><p>Consider working with someone who can both have you work on and address those items that trigger your behavior and the root causes, in this case sadness or depression, and second find someone who can help give you alternatives that take into account the neurological requirement by replacing the behavior with another behavior (such as snapping a rubber band on the wrist) and working to extinguish the unwanted behavior. Someone who is trained in Dialectic Behavior Therapy and/or Interpersonal Neurobiology would most likely have the skills and means available to address this with you. </p> </s> |
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789 | What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? | I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide | Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Suicide is not a natural way to pass from this Earth, so many times it can be EXTREMELY tough to deal with because of the "unnatural-ness" of the event. We may find ourselves feeling guilty that we did not see it or that we could've have done more or something to stop it, but often the <span style="font-weight: bold;">fish in the fishbowl cannot see that which is closest to him. </span>You are currently trying to numb your feelings, those feelings as nasty as they are, are meant to be felt, those feelings help us to process the event and also help us to pass through the situation. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Your friend has a legacy, remember it, and honor that legacy everyday in some small or even grand way, perhaps committing or volunteering your time to help others in honor of your friend.</span></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hope this helps, <br></span></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">C</span><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? <</SYS>> I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? [/INST] <p>Suicide is not a natural way to pass from this Earth, so many times it can be EXTREMELY tough to deal with because of the "unnatural-ness" of the event. We may find ourselves feeling guilty that we did not see it or that we could've have done more or something to stop it, but often the <span style="font-weight: bold;">fish in the fishbowl cannot see that which is closest to him. </span>You are currently trying to numb your feelings, those feelings as nasty as they are, are meant to be felt, those feelings help us to process the event and also help us to pass through the situation. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Your friend has a legacy, remember it, and honor that legacy everyday in some small or even grand way, perhaps committing or volunteering your time to help others in honor of your friend.</span></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hope this helps, <br></span></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">C</span><br></p> </s> |