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I'm in a relationship with a guy who also works in tech. He makes 68k and I make 130k. I am a mechanical engineer at a robotics startup. He works at a more stable job doing programming at a large company.
He brought me to meet his friends at a party and they asked me about myself. His friends mostly work in tech too and talked about themselves in terms of their jobs.
I told them I'm an hiker, I do archery, I love road trips and camping and riding dirtbikes, etc. Basically talking about my hobbies because work is just a way to get paid to do the shit I love. It's not how I define myself and it doesn't come to mind when someone wants me to tell them about myself.
One of his friends asked about work and I said "Oh gosh, I don't wanna talk about work at a party! Spent my whole day sweating my ass off in 95 degree heat trying to replace this busted ass motor just to find the replacement part was also fucked."
I wasn't lying or trying to downplay that I have a good job, that really is how I spent my day, and I wasn't in the mood to talk shop at a party!
Some other conversations came up casually that probably also made me seem poorer like me saying that car dealership repairs were a ripoff, and telling my boyfriend that my childhood neighbors trailer caught on fire and I was gonna visit and help her out
I wasn't doing it on purpose, I was literally just talking about my life, but I guess I gave the impression I was poorer
It got later in the night, everyone was getting drunker, and some of his friends (not close ones tho) were making jokes about me growing up in a trailer and being a gold digger. And being ready to jump to a richer guy. Really misogynistic shit honestly, since they don't even know me and seemed to just assume all girls are good diggers.
He didn't say anything. He later said it was because he'd smoked weed and gets quiet and has trouble carrying on a quick conversation when he's high. But regardless I felt hurt he didn't say anything.
I got irritated with his friends and asked "Now why the hell would you say that when I make twice what he does?" His friends went quiet for a second and I continued saying "There ain't no gold to dig here, not with him or anyone at this party. So do y'all think I'm cheap, or do y'all think I'm stupid?
My boyfriend wanted to leave the party shortly after and he was pretty upset with me for telling everyone I make twice what he does. I said I would have held my tongue if he'd checked his friends himself. But he didn't say anything so I wasn't about to let them talk to me like that.
He said it was humiliating and now everyone thinks I'm a bitch, and I flippantly said "at least they know I'm a rich bitch"
He was angry I embarrassed him when I spoke up, I was angry I had to say anything at all because his friends were talking shit so it should be on him to check them. Stuff is still tense.
AITA for explaining why I'm not a gold digger? | NTA. So your boyfriend was too high to say anything to support you but sober enough to complain when you rightly called him and his rude mates out. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 |
My family had a small get together at my house. One of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried I think she is 45-47)? We aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. She was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). It starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line.
When we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' My son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. She repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. I interject and I am like "Hey Kathy, I think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son."
This got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. My wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves.
At the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that I should have said hey Cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. I told my wife, that Kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. And our son was uncomfortable. He is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house.
I told my wife flat out that if I was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. She says its different. I tell her that I was way kinder to Kathy than I would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. And I told my wife that Kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again.
Overall, I think I was fair. If Kathy just said it once and I said that I think I would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why I said it. And I wanted her to get the message that yes I am upset that's why I included the ugly part. | NTA. Double standard no more. I wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. I would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things. |
This issue is honestly making me frustrated. Almost everyone is saying I am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and I genuinely don't know if what I did was correct or not. I just feel so lost. Please, please do help.
I am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when I was 13. I have 2 really deep,long facial scars. I have been bullied really bad because of it. I am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. People make fun of other people by saying things like "Why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." I am honestly used to it. Those people didn't matter to me anyway.
But there is this girl I had known since middle school. Let's call her Back I guess? Sorry, I honestly don't know how this works. I had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. I thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. My family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. I can play a guitar so I made this whole song for her. I went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. This was the first time I felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and I felt that regardless of what I do, she shall see me for who I am and at least accept me as a friend.
I was over the moon when she ended up accepting. We went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. She was really sweet to me. The next week or so was honestly heaven. People started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, I honestly cried everyday because I felt so fortunate to get so much love.
It all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on Instagram and followed Beck, sent screenshots to me. I honestly felt betrayed and disgusted.
She had posts saying 'Fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his Valentine's", 'Making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. Beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of March, and then distance themselves from me. She apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.And thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since I was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway.
I was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. My blood was boiling. I researched about this award, found a Facebook page about it online.I went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi.
She is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. I am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly I have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.
Edit: I am honestly really grateful for not only judging me(not in that way) but also giving me love and support. Each comment means the world to me. I am honestly crying reading some of the encouragement. No one besides my family has said these things to me. I know it might seem silly,but it geniunely means the world to me guys. From the bottom of my heart,thank you.
Edit 2: Honestly the support is geniunely overwhelming. I promise to not let you down and to continue being a good person. Thank you for the gold.Thank you all so much for the private messages you have sent me too. I honestly have gone through as many as I can and I just feel really fortunate and grateful.
I sincerely hope you all have an amazing life ahead. Thank you so so much, this has been one of the highlights of my year.
Edit 3: I am sorry for boring you with all these edits. I geniunely can't thank you guys enough. I showed my parent's these posts and they had tears of joy too. I am so thankful to each and every one of you guys, loads of love.
BUT, I have been noticing a worrying number of DMs saying me I could have used her body and had some fun after knowing the truth etc.
I am not this kind of person and I hope nobody is. I have my own integrity. It's NOT right to just forcefully have sex with her, that's appalling. A couple of other DMs sent me links to secret webcams to expose her nudes etc. It's honestly horrifying. I am not that kind of person and shall never ever be one. I just want to make the world a better place and the people around me happy.
I thank these people for their support, but their way to go around it is very wrong. A lot of women ARE amazing. My mother is amazing, the person who sent the screenshots is amazing, my coworkers are amazing, and I am sure many women out there are amazing. Please don't tell me to take 'the red pill' or anything of that sort. Because I am not going to do that, ever. Please don't say all women are manipulative etc.
This post isn't anti-women in anyway, it's me talking about the person I believe wronged me. | NTA this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. How did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? What she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. Everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but I promise you, you will move past this. |
I (F17) still live at home. My sister (28) is married and has two kids (5/3).
Whenever she comes over to visit my parents and her stick me with the kids.
This wouldn't be a problem except she doesn't visit for an evening. She will come for a week. And for that week I'm an unpaid nanny.
If we go out to a restaurant I have to entertain them because my mom needs to talk to my sister and BIL.
You get the picture.
My parents decided that since this was my last summer before I became an adult we would be going to Disneyland to celebrate my graduation.
I asked who was going and they said it was just the three of us.
But when we got to the airport my sister and her family were there. Strangely enough they were also going to Disneyland.
I went into my backpack and grabbed my passport. I put it in my sock.
When we got to the international security I couldn't find it. We looked everywhere. I had to Uber home and I missed my flight. Oh well. I get to stay home by myself for a week of peace and quiet.
My parents were very mad at me for losing my passport. The money they spent on my flight and entrance was wasted. Darn.
My mom and sister have both been posting about how hard it is to be at Disneyland with two little ones. They both posted that I ruined the vacation by being so thoughtless.
My dad says he knows why I did and he understands. But he says I should have let him know so he didn't waste money. He said he would have gone along with my ruse.
I feel bad about wasting money but I have been to Disneyland before. And I will go again later by myself or with friends. | NTA. But if they posted on social media say "wait. I ruined the vacation because I was supposed to help with the kids or take care of them myself? So this wasn't about me?" |
The title sounds bad but hear me out.
Backstory: I (F28) have a friend (F28) who purchased a house late last year. It's an awesome 2 story town house and I've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. As mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. I truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. I recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks.
The issue: We went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. We were standing with an employee who I had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if I was moving out as general chit chat. I told him I was moving, and he asked whether I bought or rented. I told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him I inherited the house. He told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that I had inherited my house, not purchased it. The employee went quiet and I gave her a "what was that" face. I was taken aback, she continued on saying "Yeah, *I* purchased my house". I asked "does it really matter? I'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." She grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (You can probably see where this is going) I replied "Oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." The employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. I caught up with her and she said I was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. I returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." My partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.
Edit: Holy hell this blew up. Sorry I wasn't clear with my friends being 50/50, half think I'm NTA and the others think we're both assholes and I shouldn't have escalated the problem. | NTA. She doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. It seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all. |
Hello. [Original post.](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oefrtm/aita_for_picking_out_the_peas_from_my_dinner_in/)
Thank you very much for your insight. I appreciate all the comments and also the awards. I think that's very cool to receive.
Some comments said to talk about it with my mum. I did and it went very well. She said sorry and said it was not my fault. She explained to me how it went and I will try to tell it as short as possible:
Mum was very stressed because she never hosts dinners. She wanted her colleagues to like it. They requested the recipe. She forgot I don't eat peas because she was too busy with her colleagues.
She wanted me to eat with them because at her colleague's house his kids also ate with them. She didn't want to make a fuss about my autism because sometimes I'm rude when people ask about it. She said her head was all over the place all evening.
I said to her that that's why I could have made my own food. She said that was difficult because there was no time for that. I didn't realise because I'm not good with time awareness. I asked her to communicate with me next time and be more clear about what I can or can't do. She said she will and said I can help cook next time too.
Almost every comment said that her boss was nice. He probably wasn't angry or upset with her. I told this to my mum. She said sorry to me again because she wasn't upset at me at all. She was embarrassed because she tried to get me to ''behave normally'' and she shouldn't have done that. She took it out on me on a whim.
I also said sorry because I didn't realise that it could've been important for her work status. I just thought they were like friends. She said it was OK because I didn't make a big fuss and I didn't get loud or walk away. She's proud of me for staying at the table and also thinking about the ducks.
We concluded that we both learned things. I learned things because I now know more about work dinners and manners. She learned things because she now knows to communicate and explain more to me to avoid stress.
In the comments people also said her boss might have experience with autistic people. I asked my mum and it was a little bit sad. His little brother was autistic but he died 10 years ago. It made him sad because he loved him a lot.
He told her I should eat things I like next time because it upset him to think mum was worried about appearances so much that I had to be uncomfortable during dinner. He also said that dinner was really good and that he's happy to have her in his team at work. He's a good person and a good boss. I sent him a thank you email with my mum.
Last thing is that I fed the ducks the peas. I think they were happy about it. The thing with ducks is that they don't say that to you of course. I got an ice cream with two scoops at the pond. I also got one for my mum because I had money left. It was a little bit melted when I came home because it was 5 minutes walking but she still liked it and she said I was amazing.
Thank you for reading. | As someone who had pet ducks, I can confirm that those little quackers not only liked the peas, they LOVED them.
They're the ultimate duck snack. After my ducks discovered that the freezer was where I kept peas, I couldn't open the freezer without being mobbed. |
link to my last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/epmdeh/aita_for_donating_my_daughters_college_fund/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I’ve gotten messages asking for an update, so I’ll give one.
I left my husband. He told me I couldn’t do what I wanted with the college fund. I took my name off the account so my ex husband was the only owner in the case that my (soon to be ex) husband tried to claim that money in our divorce.
My daughters father and I went for a trip to my daughters favorite town, we went to her favorite spot and spread her ashes.
I’ve been staying with my sister, and looking for apartments to move into.
As far as the fund, we have discussed starting a scholarship, or paying a students tuition. We haven’t decided exactly what to do.
That’s about it | I'm so sorry to hear that after losing your daughter so tragically, that your marriage has ended as well. But probably for the best if he was unable to support you on this. I hope the rest of 2020 brings you better fortune. |
I get that people love to up-vote and encourage people who aren't the assholes, but this is ridiculous. Of the approximate top 30 "hot" posts right now, only one is a YTA post. The top posts of the week are also predominantly filled with NTA posts.
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This subreddit is at its best when there are varied stories with different judgements to read and learn from. Up-voting an asshole isn't positive reinforcement of bad behavior when the final judgement is still YTA. Make those assholes known! | The most glorious cause is the lost cause. |
EDIT TITLE : AITA for NOT telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for my drinks during the whole evening?
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My friend "Grace" invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her boyfriend and one of their friend's "Nick".
We went to get drinks in pairs, Grace going with her boyfriend, meanwhile Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So Nick and I had plenty of time to talk just the two of us.
Nick started the night by telling about his recent career change, he decided to quit his previous job, go to a coding bootcamp and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me this multiple times.
He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying "sorry, you don't understand that, haha". During the entire evening, I never told him I has been working as a software engineer for the past 4 years, because he never asked and honestly, I found it a bit entertaining.
When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one. "Don't worry about it, it's not a problem with my devoper salary." I told him multiple times he doesn't have to pay for me, but he insisted.
At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out his phone to send me a friend request on Facebook. My job is listed in my profile, so that was when he realized that I'm software engineer.
He asked me if it's true that I'm a software engineer and I answered yes. He asked me why I haven't told him, why did I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be (?? I never implied that), and why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earn more than him.
I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job, but he only wanted to brag about his. But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks.
He was a angry and said I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me. But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side too, saying that it would've cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening and I only kept it for myself for my own entertainment.
Well, I did find it entertaining, but I don't really feel like I did anything wrong. AITA? | >He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying "sorry, you don't understand that, haha".
This, right here. NTA. |
I have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. She’s 19, almost 20, and I have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. She’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, I really enjoy having her around. My wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. My stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. All four children share a bathroom.
My sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. They had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them.
My eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which I think is reasonable. My sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display.
A few nights ago I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. My wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so I took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. I told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet.
She laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which I thought was just an unnecessary attack. I’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. My sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. She went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which I think is just an excuse. I called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what I say goes.
I later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me I was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. When I told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.
This is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. I asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. Both of them have told me to stop being so silly but I don’t see how I’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. AITA?
UPDATE — Not even two hours after I posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and I and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, Powerpoint and all. It was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. My sons and I learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. Thankyou for your input | YTA. Sorry but what? I'm a guy and realize this is ridiculous. You need to help yourself and your son's become better men and accept that it's a natural process.
Are you uncomfortable with your wife's use of the same? I assume not so teach your sons to be better.
Edit: My first gold! Thank you, kind stranger!!! |
So, my MIL (I'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas.
The problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while I'm in the bathroom. Thankfully not once has she seen me naked because I started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week.
She'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. I tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? She's faaaammmillly!!". He seriously said that!.
We have a lock and I could've used it but I have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when I was 5.
So I came up with this idea. I'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? It's deliberate at the this point). When she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. For example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). I could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what I was doing. It was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". I cleared things up and revealed the reason why. My husband was livid. He called me childish and said that I made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. He said I should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games.
Edit. Lol. Um what? I just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? OMG now I feel embarrassed Glad I went anonymous Lol. But seriously...I'm looking at my screen and am like ....I'm famous? Seriously though...My husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. He still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. I'm not sure if I will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that I couldn't use the lock. It's still feels wrong what she did and maybe I'm wrong too but at least I got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, I'm sure Thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. Especially after what happened. Lol. | NTA.
You went the funny way and that's dope.
Your husband, however, is an asshole. He expects YOU to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to KNOCK ON THE FUCKING DOOR before walking in? |
My (25F) father married my step-sister's (23F) mother when I was 4 and she was 3. We've lived together most of our lives and are a family. She and I were extremely close.
She developed cancer when she was 14 and was sick for about 2 years. She's since made a full recovery. During that time, my parents became understandably over-protective. They also asked a lot of me. I quit my extracurriculars so I could get a job (the money went towards her medical bills) and so I could drive her to appointments. I didn't go to dances and any fun activities I did needed to include her. I did almost all of this willingly, the exception being having to quit my high school volleyball team - I did throw a bit of a tantrum about that, but was swiftly punished. And I think having one emotional breakdown was pretty chill given the circumstances.
Anyhow, I go to college and meet my ex, we'll call him Ben, when I'm a junior. We fall in love, blah blah blah. He and I move in together when we graduate, so we've been living together for about 3 years. We were serious until July when I walked into my bedroom and saw him fucking my sister.
I broke it off, tears were shed, he moved out, etc. My sister apologized at first but then backed off. I thought she was giving me space but last week she called and asked if we could meet up. She told me that she and Ben were in love and were just telling me as a courtesy before they started posting photos online. Distraught, I left her in the restaurant by herself and did not pay my portion of the bill. She later venmo'ed me asking for the money.
She told my parents who then called me to their house, telling me how disappointed in me they are for not supporting my sister's relationship with Ben. They brought up the fact that because she had cancer as a teenager, she never learned proper social etiquette, and has a hard time meeting people. I don't buy this, in part because I've seen her socialize just fine and since we spent a good chunk of the time she was sick together, that would also mean that I should have bad social skills as well, by that logic. They then told me that if I don't accept my sister and Ben's relationship, they may have to go no contact with me. I reminded them that I'm also their daughter and they should understand my point of view, but they are adamant that this is about me being jealous of her.
For the record: I'm not jealous of her. I'm not upset that Ben picked her over me. I'm sad about the end of the relationship and do feel betrayed, but lord knows that I don't want to be with a cheater. What I'm upset about is the fact that my sister chose Ben over me. That she slept with Ben knowing he and I were in a long-term, committed relationship, and continues to be with him knowing how much it hurts me.
Now no one in my immediate family is talking to me and I'm getting messages from aunts and uncles and cousins telling me that I'm an asshole and a selfish bitch.
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Edit: Thank you everyone so much for your comments. This has gotten more attention than I expected and am having trouble keeping up, so if I don't say thank you, then thank you. I've been given a lot of food for thought. TBH, while I've had moments where I've been resentful or upset about my teenage years, I've always thought that I did the right thing for my sister and for my family. And that time wasn't all miserable; I was very close to my sister and we made things as fun as we could. But I didn't think of it as an abdication of my parent's responsibilities or that they were doing wrong by me, which many of you pointed out. I definitely have a lot to think about.
Thank you again for making me feel less crazy about all of this!
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UPDATE: Sometimes you can only laugh. Just got off of the phone with my cousin who saw this post and said he could explain a few things. I asked him why he was on Reddit instead of school, he asked me why I was on Reddit instead of work, and I said touché. He told me that after my conversation with my mom, she went to his house and talked to my aunt. And here's the deal:
Turns out my sister is not only in a relationship with Ben but **FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT**. Which means she and Ben were fucking for longer than I had even guessed. Apparently my parents are so adamant that I forgive her because I'm already ruining their experience of their first grandchild. That's right, I'm less important than my stepmom posting ultrasounds to Facebook. This is where we're at.
Anyhow, I called out of work sick the rest of the day and am going to drink a lot of alcohol. Like, a lot of alcohol. And then start thinking about what the fuck I'm going to do. | NTA. I had cancer as a teenager. I’ve managed to not have sex with either of my siblings partners, weirdly enough. |
I own a vape shop. We're a small business, only 12 employees.
One of my employees, Peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. Peggy has recently been promoted to Manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. I really thought she could handle the responsibility.
So, I wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and I have 22 notifications on the store Facebook page. Customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. Employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out.
I call Peggy, and get no response. I text her, same thing. So I go in and open the store. An hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back.
I ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". I'm still pretty pissed at this point, but I'm trying to be understanding, as I know how important mental health can be. So I ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. Her response: "I didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.".
Frankly, IDK what that means. But it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the AM.
So I told her that she had two choices:
1) Go back to her old position, with her old pay.
2) I fire her completely.
She's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says I'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender.
None of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. I would have got up and opened the store on time. But this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business.
I think I might be the AH here, because I **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
But at the same time, she really could have called me.
So, reddit, I leave it to you: Am I the asshole?
EDIT: I came back from making a sandwich and had 41 messages. I can't say I'm going to respond to every one of yall individually, but I am reading all of the comments. Anyone who asks a question I haven't already answered will get a response. | NTA
You aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health
You are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift
TBH not showing up or contacting anyone I wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that) |
I've been married to my 2nd Husband "Mike" for 4 years now. He's a jokester and loves to crack jokes all the time. He especially like to joke with my brother "Ethan" and his wife. Ethan used to be okay with it til he started complaining about Mike taking it too far with his jokes.
Some context about Ethan. He and his wife couldn't have kids so they adopted a boy "Joey" 2 years ago. Mike has been making silly, lighthearted jokes that involving Joey's bio parents as a way to mess with Ethan and his wife. I already talked to Mike and I tell you that he's 100%means no harm and he was just trying to get them to react.
So fast forward to NYE, my parents hosted a big celebratory dinner and Ethan and his wife came. While we were eating dinner, Mike decided to tell a knock-knock joke to Ethan. He said "Knock knock.." Ethan laughed and said "Who's there?". Mike replied "Joey's bio parents" then he bursted out laughing. Silence took over and Ethan's facial experssions changed. His wife called Mike an "idiot" to which Mike replied with "Hey...Relax it was just a joke". An argument ensued and dinner was paused. My parents suddenly told Mik to leave which I thought was too harsh. I tried to speak to them and get them to calm down but mom insisted that Mike leave. We left and Mike was complaining the whole time about how they overreacted. I called mom later and she told me Mike was out of line with his hurtful jokes about this touchy topic and told me I was wrong for defending him and saying he was just joking. She said he ruined NY for the family but I told her it was her and dad who ruined NY celebration for escalating the situation and kicking him out. I told her he could talk to them but again they were the ones who ruined NY celebration. She called me delusional for this statement and hung up.
We haven't talked to them for days. I tried contacting Ethan but no response. | YTA. Your husband likes to hurt people. It's nothing to do with jokes. |
So, its been a few days since my original post. Everyone was so kind, helpful and supportive. I recieved so many messages and I want to thank each one of you for them. They meant more to me than you know.
Well, I've left my husband. And it really wasn't over this one incident, but really a build up of many. Before I even made the post, I wasn't completely blind to what he had been doing in terms of control. As weird as it seems, sometimes I just forget I am an adult and I don't have to just 'yes sir' and listen to any man thats older than me. **I'm** an adult now. I make my own rules. I feel sick saying this, but I realize I had been viewing him as a parental figure and not a partner. It kind of makes my stomach twist to even type that, but that is what it is. I don't really want to analyze it right now, its too gross.
I'm honestly going through a really tough grieving time right now. I feel like such a failure. What's worse is that he does not care in the least. When I called him to tell him I was leaving, he said "Ok. Let me know when you want to grab your stuff, we can have you moved out ASAP." And that was it. That was all he said before he hung up the phone. I'm really hurting. I loved him so much, and I think part of me just wanted to see if he was willing to fight for me and apologize. He was not, so thats that.
But, although I'm hurting, I feel free. My mom has welcomed me back, shes so happy I am divorcing him. I got together with my friends who he wouldn't let me see. I watched tv shows he told me were too childish. And Ive been wearing ugly sweatpants and oversize tshirts that he always said made me "look like a man."
So thank you, all of you. I got a wakeup call I desperately needed. I don't even WANT to be a housewife. I never wanted that for me (no hate on anyone who does, honestly guys it was hard and lonely work). I am going to get my RN, and then move on to my masters. You've all encouraged me in the best way possible. | Oof, I was just about to ask what the age difference was: **F19, M31**.
Thank god you hadn't invested more time in that "relationship." I'm so glad to hear you're starting to find your way to a better place. |
My classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. They were next to our table so I overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok I made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free.
I was horrified upon hearing this, I love fish and have several aquariums so I'm fairly knowledgeable on them. I walk over and I ask her to show me the video and I face palmed, she asked me why and I said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which I had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. They basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. Lastly, you never release animals into the wild. There are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her.
They say that I'm a bully and walk away. I later get called into the principal's office who told me I was expected to apologize, and I said no, I stand by what I said. Fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. My parents were called over and I got sent home and my parents are pissed I refused to apologize. I might get suspended. | NTA!
You’re 100% right on BOTH counts! That would’ve been a pretty awful death for the gold fish AND yeah releasing captive bred animals into the wild usually either results in that animal dying OR local flora and fauna suddenly having to compete with an invasive species.
She meant well but that stark reality check on your part was definitely warranted |
I (34F) live with my husband (37M) and daughter (7F).
My daughter and I recently went on a short trip out of state while my husband stayed as he had work and was supposed to look after our dog.
On the last day of our trip we got a call from my husband who was acting distraught and said that our dog Ellie had run away and that he could not find her. He claimed she just bolted away from him in the park, into some bushes and he could not find her.
Our dog is quite small, a mini poodle mix and almost 13 years old, she is still active but it is really unlike her to run away from us and I was suspicious but chose to believe my husband and me and my daughter were in grief but did not want to blame him.
When we came back home, he seemed surprisingly ok unlike us. Ever since the pandemic, my husband started working from home and he has always been annoyed at how much attention we gave Ellie and hated how Ellie begged to sit on our laps and his while he worked.
A few days later we got a call from an animal rescue in a neighboring state quite far from us that she had been found. I picked the phone and it was on our landline which we almost never use these days but was the contact on the microchip.
I told my husband and he just said "that is great, I am so happy" but it felt kind of blunt and insincere. I said it is strange that she got so far and he responded that someone must have stolen her and then abandoned her. This made little sense to me as to why that would happen.
When he was out drinking with his buddies, I copied the videos from his dashcam for the days I was away and saw that he had indeed taken Ellie far out of state, and clearly dropped her in front of his car thrown a frisbee like object into a field, yelled fetch and drove off without her.
I was livid and confronted him and he just stupidly muttered how he dropped her there so she could find a farm and have a better life and then the next day got really angry at me for viewing his dashcam and called me an my daughter AHs. | NTA. Keep your dog and daughter and leave the husband in another state to find another family he'd have a better life with.
Edit: holy farm cow (dog husband) didn't expect top comment ☺️. Thanks for all the awards. |
This all started back in March. My son's best friend turned thirteen. In his family, thirteenth birthday is a huge deal. In addition to a massive party (which all four of us were invited to) his parents also took him to Disney World. They invited my son to attend as well.
My wife was hesitant to consent to this. She said it was unfair to allow our son to go when our nine year old daughter can't. Especially since she loves Disney and princesses. I said that our kids won't always have the exact same opportunities, and if we set a precedent here, we'll have to stick to it if and when our daughter gets a similar opportunity. So we'd just be punishing both our children needlessly. My wife reluctantly agreed that we should allow our son to go.
I gave our son money to buy his sister souvenirs. He did, and his friend's parents even bought extra stuff for him to give to her. Still, when she saw him come back wearing a Star Wars shirt with the Mickey hat and trading pin lanyard, she burst into tears. My wife later said we made a huge mistake and never should have let him go.
I (mistakenly) thought all of that was behind us. Now, we are not well off financially, but my BiL is, and he invited all of us to visit a beach house he rented for a summer send-off. My wife told me she wants to have our son stay with my dad and just take out daughter to "even the score."
I told my wife that isn't happening. We are their parents. We can't favor one child over the other. Not being invited to the birthday trip of a kid you barely know is in no way comparable to being left out of a *family vacation* and I'm shocked she would even suggest such a thing. I refuse to allow it. Now my wife is angry, but I don't care. I'm not punishing my son for being lucky. AITA? | NTA. Your wife sounds like she has a clear favourite out of the two kids and isn’t afraid to show it. Of course your son should go on vacation with you all. I’m shocked that she would want him to miss out. That’s awful. Is she always this unkind to him? |
My boyfriend’s parents paid for them, my boyfriend’s siblings and their SO to all go on a flight to Cabo for spring break. Becky his mom hasn’t seem to like me for some reason she always makes snide remarks about my parents blue collar jobs and my field is nursing.
We get to the airport and Becky got 7 other people first class tickets and me 1 coach ticket. She told me I was used to it and she had a free coach ticket so I should be grateful for going. They all did their express check ins and left me in the long line for me to think about what the heck is going on. I had to keep from crying the whole time in line. I got up to the counter and there was a baggage fee to me. My boyfriend at the time never once helped me through the coach line or said anything to his mom. I looked over at his mom’s smug face as I was about to pay the checked baggage fee. And I let all of my frustrations out on the attendant and started crying. Basically she said don’t go with that family sweetie they don’t appreciate you. Continues to cry and took my luggage and got out and got out of line with the super sweet check in woman. I was so upset on how I was treated and started crying on my boyfriend in the airport about how his mother was treating me.
I broke up with him at the airport and his mother was so embarrassed. I told her what a bitch she was. My boyfriend has been blowing up my phone saying how could I do that to his mother and just back out of a vacation very last minute and wasted everyone’s time and money. | NTA, the check in lady was correct.
If you would have got on the plane, you would have been treated like this for the entire vacation. It was absolutely the right decision to stand up for yourself. As far as wasting money, she said the ticket was free and I'm sure she didn't spend much on your hotel accommodations. As far as wasting time, you wasted enough of your own time on a relationship with your boyfriend if he isn't going to stand up for you.
They are going to say that you should be happy for any kind of vacation and not look down on a coach ticket, but his mother was being pointedly rude to you. |
EDIT: to all of you who DMed me to tell me about how fucking great polyamory is and that you're mad I gave it a bad name, you have issues if that's what you take away from this post
I believe it started when I was around 6 years old. My parents often had 'friends' over in the house. I didn't know they were polyamorous ofc. One day I was outside playing, got hurt and when I ran inside caught my parents making out with some random guy. They told me they have other adults that they love and it's a completely normal thing. Me being a child just accepted that.
They gave up being secretive and their 'partners' would constantly be around, even joining on outings. I remember that on my 10th birthday they invited 3 of their partners, one of who I'd never seen before, and for the rest of the day my parents just withdrew from my party and hung out with them. I never saw them doing anything explicit again but they would kiss their partners, hug them make flirty comments, something that would be normal between parents but with many more people. Sometimes I came home from school and my parents were gone and there was some random adult in our house, some of them seemed surprised that my parents even had a child.
I always hated it, but since my parents had told me this was normal, I assumed many adults probably did similar things and that it's just an adult thing all kids hate. Later they had less partners and eventually seemed to stop. Not that I'd know for sure bc I moved out with 17. I didn't think about it anymore. A year ago I started therapy (other reasons). As usual the topic of my upbringing came up and it brought back many feelings I wasn't aware of. I realised that although my parents were always good to me, I had never really felt close to any of them and still have a lot of resentment that they made me feel like I had to compete for my parent's attention with random strangers.
A while ago, I visited them and they told me they are going to take part in a documentary about polyamorous families and that the producers would like to include interviews with the children, so they would love if I could agree and tell everyone that polyamory 'doesn't mess kids up'. All my resentment bubbled up and I said that I cannot agree because I would not be able to say anything positive. My parents looked shocked (I had never brought this up before) and asked why, and I unloaded all, that I always felt pushed aside, we barely had any family time without strangers intruding, it turned into an argument and I became loud and yelled that the truth is it did fuck me up and they shouldn't have had a child if their number one priority was fucking the whole world. My mother cried and my father said I should probably leave. So I left and was shaken up for the rest of the week but also felt regret because I've never made my mum cry before. Later my father sent me a message that was like 'we are sorry you feel that way, can we have a calm discussion about this soon'. Even though I tried to, it's like I can't reply, this argument brought something very emotional up in me.
AITA for hurting my parents over this, especially since I have never brought it up before? | NTA it wasn't your parents polyamory that f*cked you up though it was there bad parenting. they allowed strange adults around you all the time and neglected you when those strangers were around, they put you in potentially dangerous situations by doing so.
Having a committed poly partner who is not a stranger and known to you prob would have been fine, but a string of randoms or new people that would seriously mess with any kid. |
It’s been more than a year since my [original post] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/badncw/wibta_if_i_stopped_baking_cookies_for_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - which I know is quite a long time. It seems a bit silly now that I was so consumed and frustrated by something so small as cookies but here we go.
As a number of the comments suggested, I ended up talking to the owner of the shop and telling her that I wasn’t going to bake cookies for the retreats anymore. I told her I felt belittled and disrespected by her behavior and that of the retreaters. Her response was basically “they expect the cookies. What do you expect me to tell them? They’re not going to want to come to retreats anymore. You should have never baked them at all- this whole issue is going to be bad for business.” I went home feeling completely invalidated. She completely gaslit me. I read and reread some of your commends multiple times and decided to stand my ground on this. She didn’t threaten to fire me or anything (not that she could have- she needed me) but she continued to guilt trip me and try to manipulate me into baking again. She even had some of the retreaters come to me offering me money to bake for the retreats. At this point it wasn’t about the pay- it was how people were treating me. I refused and started applying to other jobs because I was sick of the environment.
The thing is, I’m actually a licensed pharmacist. I was working for minimum wage at a quilt shop because I was burnt out in an over saturated and overworked field. I was depressed because i was a doctor of pharmacy- 8 years of college completed, and i didn’t feel mentally fit for working in that field because of my mental health. I worked for this quilt shop for a year. I learned some things, got a break, and regained some of the mental health I lost. This cookie debacle was the push I needed to regain my self worth and go back to the field that I wanted to be in. Within a month I found a job as a pharmacist at a federal prison. I loved it from my first day.
I’ve been there a year now and I love every day of it. My job has meaning, my coworkers are awesome, and every day is a new experience. It took a few months, but I got my baking mojo back. I’m known throughout the prison by my actual name and people come to visit the pharmacy for some cookies (or whatever baked good I decide upon) and they stay for conversation. I found a job I love and a group of people who appreciate my baking and don’t use me as a cookie slave. Thanks, Reddit. You guys are awesome. | Baking for co-workers is such a weird thing. I used to bake a lot when I was single. It was a hobby and I had the time for it.
So naturally I brought my goods to work since I didn't want to eat 3 dozen cookies by myself.
Everybody loved them and I was happy until one day I overheard some co-workers talking about how it was weird that I baked so much. Weird? Maybe because I was a 27 year old guy at the time? I was surprised and annoyed. If it's so weird why are you stuffing your face with my weird cookies?
After that I was like fuck this and completely stopped bringing baked goods to work. Of course those same co-workers asked why and I told them I just didn't think it was appropriate any more and that was that.
Anyway I love the outcome to this story and wish you the best in all of your baking and non-baking endeavors! |
I have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. I'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. She is very overweight. All the time she makes comments about my weight. She doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and I even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". I have only worked there 8 days. I have asked her very nicely to stop. Yesterday I asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants.
Today when she said "morning slim" I replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. Everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying I'm wrong and I should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". I said as long as she calls me slim, I will call her chunky and now I'm the bad person. AITA if I don't apologize? The owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out".
EDIT FOR MORE INFO: We don't have HR. There's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). We are all regular employees. I went to the owner BEFORE I called her chunky and I asked him to talk to her because I felt she was harassing me. That's when he said we can handle it ourselves. That's why I called her chunky. I told her to stop calling me slim and I didn't like it and she continued to do it. She didn't stop doing it after I asked multiple times and I didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. She brought up my weight, I brought up her's. | NTA by a long shot. Just because she apparently defines herself by her appearance does not give her the right to define you by yours. Objectification sucks, period. |
I have 3 kids, 15F, 12F and 7M. My oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because I am too. Recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. It was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep.
After the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. There was a fair bit of wine involved (I was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my FIL let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate I still cuddled with my 15yo. I don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but I was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. To my surprise, my wife and MIL both agreed with him.
I have a lot of respect for my in-laws, I get along with them great and I consider them closer than my own parents. Obviously I'm quite fond of my wife as well, but I outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. I've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. They all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. AITA?
​
Edit due to info request: We were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest.
Edit of my own free will: Idk if it's important info, but I didn't yell.
Edit: I think I've read most everything now, thanks for all the messages of support and hate, I liked them all. Some people asked me to make an update post, I don't think I will, sorry. I've been speaking to them over the past few days and I know why they said what they said (although it's not relevant to me telling them to fuck off), but it's pretty personal and I don't feel like sharing. I wont be apologizing to any of them, especially now that I know their reasoning. I love my wife, but it hurts that she doesn't trust me. | NTA. The implications of what they're suggesting are horrendous.
You cuddle your damn kid. It's lovely that she feels so comfortable with you. They're projecting their own disgusting thoughts and it's bullshit.
You shouldn't be apologising to them, they should be apologising to you for the implication. |
When I (17 M) was 8, my parents bought me a piano and signed me up for lessons. I was super excited because I love music. Over time I kind of became known as the 'piano guy' at school. I play at school concerts, accompany the school jazz choir, and play once a week for the residents at a couple of retirement homes in our town.
When I was 15, I started to talk about quitting lessons, and my parents quickly tried to guilt me out of it. I told them I wanted to try other things, and that between piano and studying, I didn't have much time left for other extra curriculars. My Dad proposed a deal. If I kept playing and taking lessons until I reached level 10 RCM (Royal Conservatory of Music), and continued to keep my grades up at school, he would buy me a new car of my choice. I jumped at it and we shook hands on the deal.
I should explain that my family is well off financially. I have a very privileged life, but I wouldn't say I've been spoiled. If I ever want a luxury item like a new phone or game console, I have to buy it myself with money I've saved from summer and after school jobs.
I should also explain that my Dad's big on loopholes. When we compete, he always finds a way to win, and when I do it doesn't count because of some loophole. It drives me nuts, but he thinks it's hilarious. Whenever I complain about him not playing fair, his answer is always the same: life isn't fair.
So, because of our deal, I kept up with my lessons. I spent about 1-2 hours a day on piano, while keeping my grades up. Last summer, I took my level 9 RCM exams and passed, fulfilling my part of the deal. II told my Dad I'd chosen the BMW X5 plug-in hybrid SUV.
A couple of months ago, on my birthday, I came downstairs for breakfast, and my Dad told me there was a surprise waiting for me in the garage. I ran out, and sitting in the middle of the floor was a 1/24 scale, toy BMW X5. My Dad burst out laughing and said, "A deal's a deal, so as promised here is your brand new BMW!" My heart absolutely broke. I asked if he was being serious, and he said I couldn't seriously have expected him to buy a 17 year old a real brand new BMW and that we could discuss getting me a reasonably priced used car. I said we had a deal and I fulfilled my end of it, he said he did too since I never said that the car had to be full size and drivable. I said he wasn't being fair. His response: life isn't fair.
Ever since this happened, I've been distant with my Dad. I honestly feel like he betrayed my trust and that he deliberately made a fool out of me. He keeps bringing up the idea of a used car, but I told him I'm not interested, which I admit is kind of petty. I have enough money saved that I can buy a cheap used car myself, and I just feel like if I accept one from him now it's like saying that breaking his promise didn't matter and that he didn't do anything wrong. AITA? | NTA.. someday when he wants to come home for holidays, send a framed photo he can set at the table. There. You are home.
You didn't tell him you'd be there in person .
Life's not fair, dad |
**UPDATE POSTED ON MY PAGE**
This happened last night but my phone is still blowing up.
I F(26) dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend (27) a PS5 for his birthday yesterday.
He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We’ve been together for 4 years so the cost didn’t matter. That is until, I found out what he thinks about me.
Some background: When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after 3 months, and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work.
I found out a couple months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends but I didn’t know Jake long enough to meet his friend group, so I had no idea.
After finding out, I took some time off dating and two years later, I met my current boyfriend Mike.
I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends. He said he understood and my past didn’t bother him.
Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy.
His best female friend Jessica laughed and said “I wish I was a thot so I could afford a PS5 too.”
I looked at her with an “excuse me?” Look on my face and she just said “nevermind” and walked away.
I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said and I quote “she’s just messing with you. You can’t take a joke?”
So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with and he said “well, everyone knows you were a thot before you met me.”
I asked him to explain how I was a thot before him and he said “you know…messing with best friends?”
He then pat me on the shoulder and said that it’s okay because I’m not who I was back then and if he could get over my “colourful past” and “thot mentalities” to give me a chance, then I could get over Jessica’s comments and give her another chance.
I didn’t say anything. I just got up. Took the PS5 from the gift table and left.
He was PISSED. He literally called me like 20 times, but I didn’t care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it.
I thought that was done but Mike and all his friends including Jessica are berating me for being petty and they’re all saying I brought this on myself by making poor choices.
I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me so find someone who wasn’t a “thot” and get the PS5 from them because I returned it.
He started screaming how I’m “the biggest AH” for returning it and how I should be happy he ignored my “colourful past.”
I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far.
AITA? | I’m so confused. But maybe that’s because I’m an old lady who got married around the time you were in Kindergarten.
A) if anyone was wrong in the Jake/Adam incident it was Adam. You might have dated friends, but he dated his best friend’s ex. That’s on them to figure out, and Adam’s mistake only.
2) Where I come from, dating 3 dudes in 7 years does not a “colorful” past make. Did “ho” get a new definition since the early 00s?
NTA
And I hope you do something special for yourself with a little of that money you got back from returning that gift you got your ex boyfriend. |
I [16M] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. I also got super super into baking around that time. I bake a lot. My girlfriend loves desserts. So I've given her a ton of stuff I bake, all kinds of different stuff. I often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. I honestly love baking way more than eating it. My girlfriend is the opposite.
Well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. She had counted every thing I baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after I baked her, her 100th dessert. It was filled with a picture of every dessert I've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. She wrote a paragraph about each item I baked. Each item was dated too. She had been working on this for 2 years. She also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. It was the sweetest gift I've ever gotten and I honestly cried.
I showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. They were angry I've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. I just got into this habit and I loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts. | NTA - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter |
I sustained very bad injuries to my face this month. I'm in the stage of healing when the scar tissue has formed, but it's still very tender "new skin". I'm going to have very obvious facial scarring for the rest of my life. The injury starts about an inch above my hairline, goes down over my brow so that on part, hair will not grow. It continues down my cheek where it is deepest; I'll always probably have an indentation in the fullest part of my cheek. Then it continues to my jawline.
In some ways it's OK. I'm happy it's just cosmetic damage. My friends are super reassuring, telling me how badass and sick it's gonna look. They say I'm still as hot as ever, now a little more sexy and mysterious lol.
But in some ways it really sucks... I know that I'm always gonna be seen first as "the girl with the scar" and it feels especially bad when people look at me differently.
This week, I had to fly home for a family thing; it was a plan I'd made long before my injury. I wasn't really looking forward to the pity or people making a big deal of it; I'd rather it not be acknowledged.
I'd also met with my dermatologist who said that I was at the stage of scar tissue formation that I no longer should be dressing the wounds; the skin was healing and instead I needed to be applying topical cream and Vaseline to keep the site clean and moist.
It also looks a bit ugly; the building scar tissue is very red and tender, and with the Vaseline over it, looks slick and shiny.
So I get on this flight; I have the window seat and I put on my headphones and drift off to sleep when the plane is still boarding.
I wake up to this kid, maybe 4 years old, sat next to me, throwing a tantrum. I didn't catch the first part of it and I honestly couldn't understand what he was yelling about...
His father said to me, "Can you cover that injury?"
I said that my dermatologist recommends I don't, so no I don't think I will.
He started snapping at me saying "there is no need to be so rude. That injury is graphic and it's scaring my little one."
I said "this is my face. The only damn face I've got. It sucks being told I'm so ugly I can't show my goddamn face in public."
He started to backtrack saying "just until it's healed" and I said "it'll always be with me. Maybe teach some fucking compassion and respect instead of telling a girl half your damn age what you think about her face. That's rude.
He actually got up after that and I think went to a stewardess about a seat change because a young couple came to sit next to me on a few minutes instead. I've gotta admit I felt so low that I put on my sunglasses and had a quiet cry for a few minutes.
AITA for not covering my healing scar, and for being confrontational about it? | Dear god no you're absolutely NTA. People that are that heartless shouldn't be allowed in public. Jfc. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It does sound like it looks pretty badass, for the record! Rock what you got girl! 🤘🏻 |
I (27F) used to be an ''*escort*'' (h\*oker) from 18 until I was 23, I'm not proud of it but I also don't give a fuck because I did what I had to do to keep studying and a roof over my head. That's how I met my now fiancé (37M) tho he was never my client.
We began to date when I was 25 and three or four months after that his BIL ''exposed me'' (no idea how he found out) because *there's no way my fiancé knew* and thus we had to come clean in front of his whole family. Yes I did that. Yes he knows. Yes he doesn't care. It was 2 years ago (at that time), we got over it. After that there was a span of 3-4 months in were my MIL and some of my fiancés aunts and cousin ''police'' their husband when I was around, it was really weird tbh because this dudes were like 40-60yo and I wasn't that desperate, so my fiancé shut their bullshit hard and even when his family still gives me the side eye from time to time, we thought it was behind us.
He proposed last year and five months ago we found out that I was pregnant, we were really happy about it and we told his family as soon as we knew. His sisters and young brother were happy for us, but his mom took me aside and *begged* me to be honest with her and asked if this was really my fiancés child, I was taken aback but I just rolled my eyes and said yes, she gave me some shitty speech about how ''she only wanted to make sure'' and that ''she was happy to be a grandmother''.
Well, last weekend we were at his parents with his family and some of his friendsand we were talking about the name, how he might look (small talk, we will love him regardless but there's always some ''*Oh I hope he gets your nose!*'' ''*mmh I like your eyes, I hope he gets them*'' comments) and my FIL said that he and his children have a birthmark in the inner tight and that even his grandchildren (one of my SIL's kids) got them, so our baby might too, and then he said ''But how can we know from who he got it? it may as well be from me, my boy or my brothers'' and he and his brothers began to laugh. My fiancé got mad and before he could say anything I said ''I don't get it'' and my FIL was ''yeah because it runs in the family'' and I said again ''I don't get it, why would he get it from you?'' and he began to get nervous and said ''because you know... it's just a joke OP'' and I said ''but I don't get it and you all laughed, explain'' it got to the point that some of his friends said ''hey, it's not funny'' so he he excused himself and left.
Later my fiancé's BIL came to me and said that I was wrong for embarrassing him like that in his own house and that I knew what the joke was about and *because of my past*, I shouldn't be surprised. Now they're all demanding that I apologize to my FIL. | You know you’re NTA. They’re sexually harassing you, aggressively, in a family setting. Honestly I would have added “it sounds like you’re implying that we’ve had sex, and I don’t understand why that’s a joke you’d make to your daughter in law.”
FIL clearly knows he’s wrong. I say push back as hard as you can. |
My sister is a trainwreck. She needed a place to stay and I have a large enough home for an extra person. She has no job or income. I told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. I give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash.
I gave my sister her $100 and she said I owed her more. I was confused. She said she did other "work" for me. I asked her what more did she do? She said she walks my dog in the afternoon. I walk my dog every morning and evening. But she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. She said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 X $25 = $125 on top of the $100.
Then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. According to her and Etsy, that job was easily another $75.
I told her I never gave her permission to do those things. Her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and I was ripping her off.
So I threw her out.
The money isn't the issue. I have plenty of disposable income. I was disgusted how she came at me. | NTA. I would have countered with a bill for food, rent and utilities. |
The past couple of months, my wife has been complaining about our cats. She’s been claiming that the cats wake her up constantly and that she’s frustrated every night that she “has to get up and open the door for the cats” or “the cats keep making noises” or “the cats keep jumping on her.” It got to the point where she started saying she wants me to get rid of them. I told her I’ve never seen or heard any of this, but she claims I sleep through it all.
She kept telling me she was getting less and less sleep and kept acting aggressive, blaming lack of sleep from the cats, and that if I didn’t get rid of them, she’d leave me. I legitimately started considering giving the cats to my sister, until I noticed something.
One morning she claimed she had gotten up multiple times throughout the night to help the cats. She listed a bunch of times. I thought it was weird, because I had been up until 4am, and she claimed that she “got up at 1am to open the door for them, and a few times around 3am because they were meowing and jumping on her.” I was in the bedroom the entire time while she slept, and I know none of that happened. Things weren’t adding up, so I decided to run a test.
I waited until she said she was going to bed, then I let the cats out of our bedroom, lowered my phone brightness, and faked going to sleep. I just laid there in bed for the entire night, bored, but I definately did not fall asleep. I made sure to make timestamps every 30 minutes on my phone through Discord just to be sure. I marked down every noise my cats made. One cat had jumped down from something and made a little sound at 3:18am, and one ate food relatively quietly by the bedroom door at 4:57am. Other than that, nothing happened.
Sure enough, my wife slept from 11pm until 9am, and that morning she claimed she had woken up “at least 7 times” to open doors and from cat noises and cats jumping on her. At this point I was pissed because she was clearly lying to me. I was exhausted and fed up with the lies, so I just bluntly called her out on it.
I told her, “That’s funny. I stayed up all night to monitor the cats, and they weren’t even in the room at all last night. I have timestamps and everything. So you’ve been ***lying*** to me and trying to convince me to get rid of my cats? Why?” She just sat there quitly shaking and looking pissed, then got up and left without answering. She came back hours later and ignored me whenever I talked, and when I asked her how **I’m** the bad-guy in this situation, **she finally said that I was treating her like a child by lying about sleeping and staying up all night just to see if she was lying or not** and that making timestamps and everything as if I was an investigator was “going too far” and makes me an obsessive asshole.
I did it because she was threatening to make me get rid of my cats or she’d leave me, and her claims didn’t add up.
So, am I an “obsessive asshole?”
**UPDATE:**
My wife has been Baker Acted. She did not hurt herself, just said something concerning in public.
I got a call from the hospital this morning, asking me to head over for some “family therapy.” Apparently she finally wanted to talk.
I’ll be honest, I’m pretty pissed at the reason why she’s been so hateful towards my cats. It’s absolutely asinine.
It’s nothing that anyone had suggested. *She’s not cheating. She’s not sick physically or mentally. She’s not bored of the relationship and looking for an “out.”*
According to her, ***one of the cats stepped on her laptop and ruined a story she was writing.*** She’s hated both cats ever since. I mean that sucks, but it’s not worth trying to emotionally blackmail me into getting rid of them.
I asked her why she didn’t just tell me the truth and why she’d been lying and refused to talk about it when I’d asked. Her answer was “Because you wouldn’t have gotten rid of them otherwise.” and explained that when she saw I wasn’t willing to abandon them for her, she took offense and made it a “goal” to have me pick her over them.
Sickening. Don’t know why she actually admitted to it all.
The woman with us asked me how I felt about all of it, and I just told the truth. I told her it was a nice run, but I’m ***probably*** going to want a divorce. I was asked why, and I told them. I’ve seen a new hateful, malicious side of her that I want nothing to do with. She was so set on getting rid of the cats over a *fanfiction* being ruined that she manipulated her husband.
My wife started shouting at me that I’ve betrayed her and that I’m “scum” for choosing animals over her. At least cats don’t give ultimatums like she gave.
It sucks that she’s been Baker Acted and all I guess, but it’s for the best right now. She’ll have time to process it all in a safe environment and hopefully come to terms with it. Bad husband, I know.
I’m almost sure I’m going for divorce. I’m very worried about having her in the same house as my cats. I want my cats safe. I don’t want to worry about them being harmed or “disappearing.” Screw that.
I guess I’ll do what almost all of you suggested: “Keep the cats, rehome the wife.” Not how I *wanted* it to end, but life isn’t always nice.
**If I may, I want to clear up some things from the original post:**
***I did not stare at her all night.*** We have a mute TV with subtitles playing every night. I subtly watched TV while paying attention to the cat sounds.
***I’m not allowed to install cat doors, and she won’t let me keep the doors open.*** Apartment rules.
***Why did I instantly assume she was lying?*** I’m unfamiliar with mental health/diseases. I know about some diseases, but ones that make you think your dreams happened? Tumors that make you see/hear/remember nonexistent things? Sorry that I wasn’t aware of those possibilities. So when someone tells me events happened when they literally didn’t, I generally assume they’re lying. Shame on me.
***If you want even more context/questions answered, simply go through my comment history.*** | NTA. That was gaslighting and manipulative, and if she had issues with your cats she should have said so directly |
While sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane I was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. A conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where Florida was on the map. Keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. Conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out AUSTRALIA either. I was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." She immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. I do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although I feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... AITA? | NAH. My husband did the same to me. So I realized how straight up dumb it was. I downloaded an app for kids to learn basic geography. Now I know where more countries are than he does! Learning and realizing the need to learn things is so important.
Edit: I'm so glad so many people wanted the app! I use StudyGe. |
So my last name is Doe. It hasn't affected my life much apart from occasionally being called "Dodo" while growing up or friends spelling it "D'Oh" as a joke, and I'm generally pretty neutral about it.
My wife is six months pregnant and wants to name our future son after her grandfather, who died of cancer in September. His name was John.
I liked her grandfather, and I know he and my wife were very close, but I won't even consider it, not even for our son's middle name. I feel that's just setting him up a world of problems, especially when he grows up and has to apply for jobs. Nobody's going to believe "John Doe" is his real name.
My wife thinks I'm being an asshole for vetoing a name with a strong family connection and says I'm exaggerating the issues he would face. AITA? | Nta
I think it's pretty important that you don't actually!
(EDIT 2: IF I GET ONE MORE COMMENT XXX IS THE IRISH FOR JOHN ILL BE RATHER ANNOYED... IT SEEMS THERES LOTS OF VARIANTS OF JOHN - TO QUOTE GOOGLE
"Eoin (Irish pronunciation: [ˈjoːɲ], sometimes spelled Eóin, or Eoinn) is an Irish name. ... In the Irish language, it is the name used for all Biblical figures known as John in English, including John the Baptist and John the Apostle.)
Edit 3: lots of people are quoting different "Irish John's... As above.. I'm aware. As above, searched the name verified online it's used for the biblical version of John ...
Now back to... With regards to John Doe
People will think it's a faux / fake name.
It's going to cause him major problems with passports and ID as well as job and college applications
He may have issues with medical stuff etc as .. well you know exactly what it's used for.
This could seriously fuck up his life
I think even a middle name or Jonathan would be problematic and I'd avoid all names that begin with a J. Having worked in an official public sector job for a long time... I've seen problems with people's names like these cause major issues that would make your hair curl.
As an example only: Look for other languages version of John for example Eoin is the Irish way of spelling Owen. Eoin in itself is the Irish version of John....
Edit; guys this isn't the perfect solution name wise but an idea to run with.... |
Wife and I have been married 18 years, we have our 16 year old daughter who has been dating a slightly shy/ awkward young man for around 3-4 months now.
He seems very nervous around my daughter and has admitted in a passing comment here and there to my wife and I that he can’t believe she agreed to date him and he thinks she’s way out of his league. He seems very respectful, just shy.
My wife is usually an independent, awesome woman and her ideals align closely with mine particularly in term of feminism and equality. We have both striven to raise our daughter to be as independent and capable as possible.
Since my daughter has been dating this kid my wife has changed considerably and has given our daughter advice that has left me with raised brows more than once.
Some of the advice I’ve heard my wife give is ‘oh it’s cute for boys to pay for everything, especially in your first relationship!’ Or ‘oh honey don’t worry about that, he can pay for you, if he really liked you he would’ and similar.
I’ve tried to balance this out by telling my daughter straight away ‘two people in a partnership should be contributing equally’ and my personal favorite ‘if someone asks if they can *take you out* to dinner, it’s reasonable to expect them to pay, but if someone asks you to grab dinner with them, it’s reasonable to split the payment’. I figured that would be an easy way for a young person to understand the difference.
However I’ve noticed my daughter becoming more and more entitled with her boyfriends money. They haven’t been anywhere obviously since we’re home but the way she talks about him ‘oh I’ll just ask him to pay for x’ etc leaves a bad taste in my mouth. She has also flippantly bragged/ mentioned that she gets him to buy gift cards for her etc by mentioning her mother’s advice, i.e. ‘if you really liked me you’d pay for x’
I spoke to my wife privately and told her my concerns, she insists it’s a rite of passage for girls and it’s cute that she should feel a guy is completely spoiling her. I told her that it’s not cute for her to be thinking it’s acceptable to view relationships as personal ATMS, and my wife became very angry with me and is now calling me an asshole with a lot of hostility. | It's not cute
NTA
Your wife is TA
Your daughter is becoming TA
The boy also needs some guidance, but that probably shouldn't come from you
Edit: Read the responses to my comment. There are some good arguments that maybe you should consider talking to the boy yourself. I may have been wrong on that part, but you'll have to decide for yourself. |
I am obese. Like I am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. I am well aware of that and I really don't like to bother people with my weight.
A week ago I was going to a conference by plane and because I was going alone (usually when I fly with my boyfriend I don't buy two since he sits next to me) I bought two seats. I fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and I feel uncomfortable for them. It happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and I felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight.
So I sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so I would be really comfortable. Some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. Exactly what I was afraid of happened. My side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because I bought this one for my comfort. He told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. Well, I told him I understand but I feel uncomfortable and I paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. He refused again and started to chat with his GF. I called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. She asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his GF gave me a nasty look. The GF mumbled something like "Fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me.
So Am I the asshole for insisting on him to leave? | NTA- Former flight attendant. It's your seat. You paid for it. If that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together. |
I (17F) have been living with my dad (45M), his girlfriend of 2 years (33F), and her daughter (13F) for a couple of months now while my mom (40F) is visiting my sick grandfather in Sweden. I've only ever stayed at my dad's on weekends so it's been hard getting used to living with his gf and her kid full time. The kid is super whinny and pretty spoiled because gf dotes on her so I usually just stay in my room.
Today gf was taking her daughter on a "special outing" because she passed a math test, and my dad suggested I go with them for a "girls day out". I wanted to say no but I knew that he wanted me to get to know his gf and gf's daughter better so I agreed. He gave gf $300 to spend during the outing.
We spent the day going in and out of stores gf's daughter liked in the mall complex. Gf ended up buying her a shit ton of clothes, makeup, and other stuff I don't remember. On our way back home gf stopped at the Starbucks cause daughter wanted a drink and some cakepops. She ordered a drink for her and her daughter and 2 cake pops. I asked her if I could get something and she said she ran out of money and she'd "get me something next time". When they got their order I asked if I could have one of the cakepops and gf said that it was her daughter's treat for hard work and it would be wrong for me to take one since "I didn't do anything that deserved being rewarded".
I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty upset. When we got back home my dad saw their drinks and asked where mine was. I told him that "I wasn't allowed to get one cause I don't deserve it". His gf got upset and said I was twisting her words and the daughter just said I was being greedy and was jealous of her. I know I'm not entitled to a drink or a cakepop but I also don't think it's wrong to be a little annoyed. AITA? | Oh sweetie, **NTA**, and I want you to know that you absolutely were entitled to a drink AND a cakepop or another treat of your choosing.
Your dad gave her $300 that was meant to be spent on ALL THREE of you for the day out. Sure, her daughter may have earned SOMETHING special for her hard work at school, but from the sound of it he intended for you all to get treated a bit, and it's disgusting that she would go to a coffee shop and get things for herself and her daughter and not for you. As someone older than your dad, even, I can tell you that his GF's behaviour was super not okay, and NOT the way she should be treating her partner's kid. NONE of my friends would ever treat their stepkids or partners' kids that way in a million years!! I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I'm really glad you told your dad. She deserves to get yelled at. |
Hi all.
I gave birth four weeks ago, and we decided to have a ''baby ceremony'', where everyone gets to meet our lovely daughter Charlotte.
My cousin Alice and her parents were among the guests. The first thing I'll say about her is that she has expensive taste. She's the sort of person who has a *minimum* price range for how much she spends on clothing. She doesn't own anything that isn't designer and has some items of clothing that cost thousands. She is a banker and still lives with parents so can afford the lifestyle.
It was Alice's turn to hold the baby and she was happy to at first, but suddenly Charlotte vomited on her. Alice handed Charlotte back to me and ran off crying, and spent the rest of the event crying in the car. I went to see her to apologise but she didn't want to hear any of it. My mum gave her one of her shirts which was too big for her and she felt completely upset and humiliated.
Today I got a call from my mum, saying that she'd been on the phone to her sister (Alice's mum) saying that they want me to reimburse the cost of the blouse (roughly £1800) since it was completely ruined.
I have said no. At the end of the day we all know what babies can be like. She took a risk wearing something so expensive knowing a baby was nearby and unfortunately it backfired. I feel bad for her but it was not my fault.
Am I doing the right thing by refusing to pay up? | NTA. Common sense to not wear expensive clothing around newborns unless you are okay with risking this happening. She should have known better. |
I (20) am a mother of triplets whom are only 2 months old. I never expected ever in my life that I'd be a mother to triplets so when I first became pregnant it was definitely the last thing in my mind.
I'm home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online.
Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can't get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it's honestly soo hard and the dad isn't here to help as he's ether at work or at school.
My fiance's (24) parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I'm literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I'd be able to quickly get to them.
Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to me because I start to have mini panic attacks when I can't get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super overwhelmed, Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to clam down.
My fiance came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I'm not gonna list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me.
I grow up in the system my fiance's family is the only family I have and ever known so it breaks my hurt that they are so upset with me but I really don't think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm way but they seems to think otherwise.
So here I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions or if I am the A-hole in this situation.
~~~~~~~~~ Update ~~~~~~~~~
I decided to show my fiance this thread at first he was really upset with me for sharing our personal problems with strangers on the internet even though it's anonymous.
But in the end when he had a chance to clam down and hear me and all of you guys out he actually apologized and promised me he'd be more involved with parenting and even is willing to take parenting classes which I'll hold him to that.
I just wanna thank everyone for the support that you all give me it brought tears to my eyes (happy tears) seeing how supportive you all were to a stranger on the internet I don't think I ever received this much support before.
I can't believe how much attention this post even got plus the award again thank you so much. | NTA. When I had my baby one of the things the nurses told me repetitively while in hospital and during the home visits is that if she is crying and I know she has been fed, she has a clean nappy on and she isn't sick and I am getting stressed out its ok to go outside for a few minutes to just recollect myself.
Their exact words were "a crying baby is an alive baby".
They tell you this because it is better for a baby to be left to cry for a little while and the parents to get a breather, than for parents to wig out and hurt their babies in frustration.
This advice was so important. It allowed me to do what I needed to do without feeling guilty. And those few minutes really do help in those times when they won't settle. And I had one, let alone if I had three.
Edit: thanks for the awards and votes. I really hope OP sees she has nothing to feel guilty about and is doing a great job! ❤ |
Yesterday I was supposed to spend the night at my friends house with some of my classmates and we were playing truth or dare. There really is no reason for us to choose truth since we already know a lot about each other so we mostly went just with dares. It was pretty fun and we had some weird challenges.
I was staying next to my friends brother and when it was my turn a classmate challenged me to kiss him. His sister immediately told my friend to change the dare and so she did. To be clear, her brother did not say anything when he heard the dare and just laughed so he definitely looked like he was ok with it right? Well WRONG because after I kissed him he told me wtf I am doing and looked like he was really grossed out by it. I was honestly a bit offended and asked him why he is so grossed by me kissing him, I am actually a pretty ok looking girl and even if I wasn’t, there was no reason for him to act like this. He ended up leaving the game and my friend told me that what I did was wrong on so many levels and to get out of her house. My other classmates didn’t say anything so I think they were on my side but didn’t want to participate in this argument (I will ask them when they go back home). Anyways I did end up leaving. Do you guys think I was the asshole here?
Please do NOT comment yet, read this:
Ok I don’t know how to explain this without being misunderstood but could you guys do me a small favor? I used a throwaway account for privacy reasons but the thing is, if this post blows up, there is a high chance for my friend to still see this. Could you please instead of commenting, DM me if your judgement is ‘YTA’? I promise if I get a lot of YTA dms I am going to ACCEPT the judgement as per rule 3 but it’s just weird if my friend sees this and sees ‘YTA’ comments especially after our last argument, you guys get what I mean right? Thank you.
EDIT: Oh cmon guys. This post if 1 in rising now. Can't you please do as I asked you? Would you be ok posting on this subreddit just to get comments full of YTA and your friends see them and laugh at you?
EDIT: Hey mods! Please check your inbox as I sent you a message. It's urgent.
EDIT: Ok the mods responded about automod and they basically told me to suck it up and deal with it wth? Guys please just do as I asked you. I accept my judgement | So you want us to DM you if we think YTA? Yeah no I think I’ll do it here.
YTA
You kissed him without consent. Doesn’t matter if you’re pretty or not. Doesn’t matter if you know him. Doesn’t matter if he didn’t object.
*Saying nothing is not consent. He did not consent.* |
My wife and I are both 42 and in marriage counselling after our marriage basically went to shit after having kids (6 and 4 year old twins). A lot of issues and disagreements have come up in our marriage that have driven us apart and I have been working through my resentment that going back for one more baby resulted in twins, including one which we are pretty sure has ADHD and ODD and is a *nightmare* child).
Our counsellor asked me if I would have children if I had to do it all over again and I said "honestly, no".
I love my kids and would take a bullet for them, but if I had the chance to go back to 24 when I finished grad school and could do my life over again, I wouldn't choose fatherhood. It is not the fulfilling experience everyone claims and while I love my children, the sacrifices are not worth it to me. I had a much happier life before having children and have gone from someone who loved life to someone who just.....makes it through the day, working a job he hates to provide for the wife and kids while silently wishing this wasn't my life.
My wife is *furious* and taking it the wrong way and even told our 6 year old "daddy wishes you were never born" which makes me livid. You don't tell the kid that.
Yes, I wish I never had kids, but I do love them, would never hurt them or want to upset them. And I didn't say it to/in front of my kids and I never ever will. I said it in marriage counselling, what should be a safe space to talk about feelings.
It has become a huge fight, our marriage is not going to be saved now, and I know she will try and use this against my in divorce court to try and get sole custody and take everything and lie to the kids who I do love and still want to be a Dad to them. She is incapable of understanding that you can love your kids but also feel that parenthood was the best choice for you.
AITA for saying it though?
Edit: Ok this blew the fuck up and there is no way I can reply to everyone's questions. But to address a couple I have 3 kids not 4. One child is 6, two are four. English is not my first language and I forgot the comma, and even so that sentence would have been much clearer in my native language.
When I say I resent having twins, I am not saying it is my wife's fault! But 3 children is more than we budgeted/bargained for and I need to pick up a lot overtime I that I would not have had to pick up if we just had 2 kids, and that is what I resent (that and the child with ADHD/ODD). My life is basically work and dealing with my kids. And do you know what ODD is? This child always refuses to do what is asked, gets angry and throws a tantrum when asked to do something he doesn't want to do, hits and kicks others, deliberately annoys and hurts others, is extremely spiteful, screams and kicks me constantly. ALWAYS. All day. Every day. It's exhausting and it is hell.
Yeah. I would't have him again. Most people wouldn't if they had to raise him.
Just because I wouldn't do this over again doesn't mean I'm not committed to being a good dad and being present in their lives. I just would not do it over again if I could redo my adult life.
My first kid was not born at 24, I just said that because if I could do my whole post-University life differently, I would change some other things too (mainly career) and to be honest, after all this, I regret marrying my wife, which is why I said it that way.
Regarding calling the ADHD/ODD twin a nightmare, go google what that means. It is very difficult to manage and he has even been kicked out of three daycare places because they could not handle him and my parents even refuse to babysit him. We never get a break from home and no one can handle time. | Throwaway for this:
I love my two daughters so much, but if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't be a mom. It is still a big taboo to admit that having children isn't the most amazing thing in the world, but for a lot of us, the lows far outweigh the highs. I'd never ever tell my kids I feel this way, but I think this is something you should be able to be honest about with you partner in marriage counselling, and the fact she *told your child* this is disgusting.
NTA. |
My father and mother had a very bitter marriage towards the end of his life, he had a long running affair with another married co-worker and got her pregnant before he passed. He was planning to leave mom, skip the country and move to Canada to start a new life with her. They had a house picked out and all.
He had moved out and was living with his co-worker when he suddenly died of a heart attack while having sex. Divorce papers were never filed, no legal separation. They were in the process of moving all things legal. But on paper, they were still happily married.
Now me and my siblings are already out of home, our youngest sibling is 19 and is in college. I work for a tech company and I'm currently back in my hometown helping my mom manage his estate.
Well, my mom was hurt and petty and marked his gravestone as "In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father and adulterer."
My dad's family and his pregnant partner are mad and want me to fix it.
I personally think its fine, that's who he was. He was all of those things. And since it's my mom's plot, I can't do anything.
AITA? | I would DIE (no pun intended) if I was walking through a cemetery and saw that! Your mom is an icon. NTA. I hope she burns his old shirts or something.
Also, while going through estate papers and talking to lawyers, ask about what rights the side piece will have in claiming money for her kid, since it was your dad‘a kid too. Just so you’re all prepared. |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ck2eaj/aita_for_shutting_down_black_names_because_i/
I posted a month ago about a dilemma my husband and I were having with our baby's name. We had already decided on a girl's name because it honors his mother but we're stuck on a boy's name. My husband thought it was important for our son to have a name strongly tied to black American culture. I wanted a more neutral name since I am biracial and grew up with a stereotypical black name. We found out we are having a boy and decided on his name. His name will be....
Miles Trayvon
We thought it was a perfect compromise. My husband's family tends to use middle names a lot so he'll probably be "Tray" to most of them. When he's in school his name will just be listed as Miles (last name). He can officially be Miles T. (Last name) if he doesn't want to use Trayvon but he can also easily go by Trayvon if he feels more connected to that name. This option gives him the choice, which my husband and I agreed was important. My husband hated growing up with a stereotypical white boy name and said it caused some ribbing from people in his community who saw him as being less black. He talked about how in 8 Mile Eminem's character says something like, "This guy's a gangsta? His real name is Clarence." That's not to say my husband ever wanted to be a gangsta. He's an actuary lol but he said he felt like his name played a role in further isolating him from his black peers growing up.
I had the opposite experience. My mom is white and my dad is black. They decided on a stereotypical black name and I think it made my life harder. Professional I go by a nickname and I do personally as well. When talking about it with my husband I realized it started early. I remember being about 4 and being out with my white grandma. A woman came up to me, touched my hair, told my grandma I was beautiful, and then asked what my name was. Instead of saying my real name my grandma said, "Her name is Daisy." I attended an HBCU and finally felt comfortable with my given name but noticed a lot of seniors with black names used shortened versions of their names for job applications. For example, Raquan Smith would put "Ray Smith", Demarcus Jones would put "Marcus Jones", Keshawnda Nelson would put "Shawna Nelson", etc. They said you had to play within the system and I did that.
Anyway, sorry for the long update. I just wanted to explain why this was such a big deal to both of us. We didn't really get deep into it until after I posted here so thanks for encouraging that dialogue. Before anyone says it, I do realize some people will connect Trayvon to Trayvon Martin. That's not why we are using it. I posted about this in namenerds and a lot of people were upset by it but I don't mean to offend anyone. It's a family name on my husband's side.
Edit: Thanks for all the DMs but please stop sending me articles about the woman named Marijuana Pepsi and the black Spider-Man named Miles. Thanks y'all. | Due to the nature of this topic we unfortunately will have to lock the comment section, but we did feel that everyone should see how this situation was resolved |
Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkg4rc/wibta\_if\_i\_told\_my\_brother\_that\_i\_know\_about\_his/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkg4rc/wibta_if_i_told_my_brother_that_i_know_about_his/)
Many people messaged me asking for an update, so here it is.
So, most of you told me that I should just voice out my support for the LGBT community instead of directly talking to my brother about his sexuality. This was very helpful as I did not want him to feel pressured to come out.
When I wrote my original post, I was already watching Schitt's Creek, which had non-straight main characters. This was really convenient because I could simply say remarks like "Awww, they make a really nice couple" and "Wow, I wish my relationship with my gf was like that."
I also asked my bro about Pride month (he has been going to marches as an ally for the past few years with his out friends). I asked him "Hey, what's their plan for Pride month during quarantine? Too bad they can't hold the march, I was thinking of joining."
I didn't really know how to be subtle, okay.
When our parents went grocery shopping last weekend, that's when he told me. "You already know, don't you?" I knew what he was asking but I tried to play dumb. "You know, that I'm gay, right?"
I just said yes, told him about the iPad incident, and hugged him. He cried and asked me not to tell our parents, which of course I agreed to. He then asked if this changes anything between us, to which I replied "Of course, now you have to give me better fashion advice!" (I make jokes when I'm emotional, okay)
I told him he has my support no matter what, and that I can help him come out to our parents when he's ready. I also told him that he and his boyfriend (which he confirmed) are a great couple, then I reminded him that they should always be "safe" (Giving sex advice to my brother was VERY awkward).
That's it. He's still annoying as hell, because, you know, he's my brother, but I've never seen him happier, and I can really feel that a burden has been lifted off his shoulders.
Thanks, everyone!
EDIT: I just realized that it's now June! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, EVERYONE!
EDIT2: Wow, this kinda blew up! I was just doing what any caring brother would do, and I'm glad it has a positive effect on other people. I was raised with values to love and accept everyone, regardless of gender/sexuality, so that will never change especially for my bro. Again, thank you for the overwhelming support! | THANK YOU for a nice happy post. Reddit really needs it and I'm so glad your brother's got you! |
My fiance (31 male) and I (25 female) are getting married soon. There wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. Me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.
However, When deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. They also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). I said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". I refused to argue about it and said it was final.
The other day, I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. I was seething. I called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were PLENTY of meat options why why can't I get 4-5 vegan options? when I'm paying for it?. He yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. My family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but I refused.
AITA for putting my foot down on this?
UPDATE: So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phonecalls. She spent long walls of text just to "address" what I did at her son's workplace, calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged. She then went to explain how she's noticed that me and my family kept "acting dismissive" of her son's input and "contributations" to the wedding. She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier but didn't and tried to keep the peace. She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option but that didn't mean she doesn't support her son's decision. moreover, she thought it was soooo responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is waste of money. she also pointed out how I kept saying "I paid for it" and said that technically this isn't just my money, it's mine and *his* because we're getting married she suggested I wisen up and get rid of "my money, I paid for it" mentality. She finally mentioned how "bad" this whole situation is making me look, and said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off and decided to make it my "weird" hill to die on. She said that not only her son is upset but she and "the family" are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agrre on their compromise and be done with it. This pissed me off beyond belief I responded by letting her know that I'm still standing my ground on this even if I'll have to call the whole wedding off because of it because honestly? this is just ridiculous, it is!!! my mom and dad....they don't even know what to say anymore. Apparently, my fiance saw my response to her (he's with her) and is now trying to call me but right now I'm waiting on him to get home and see if he's still insisting on the stance he took.
I'll update if there's anything worth adding after we talk. | NTA and for the love of god don’t marry this man. |
So I have a cat named Raven who's 3 years old.
My girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat.
I didn't think it was really a big deal until one day I got home and he was just gone. He's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside.
He was gone for hours and I was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house.
I asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out.
I was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, I wanted her out of my house by the end of the month.
She cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. I said I didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month.
My friends think I'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and I don't want her trying anything else.
AITA? | NTA. The cat was there first.
Edit: hey thanks for the awards! |
I (46M) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. My wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time.
My son and I have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. On Saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. He was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. I'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in Canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common.
I asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. My logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me.
We had some beers over a few hours in the night, and I cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). He was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. We talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party.
I was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and I feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. However, in an effort to be transparent I told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. She thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
AITA?
INFO: I understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but I figured she had enough going on and I didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time
EDIT: Thanks for all the comments, I am reading every single one! I appreciate the different perspectives | NTA. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink. |
Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/px753o/aita\_for\_not\_accepting\_my\_sisters\_relationship/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/px753o/aita_for_not_accepting_my_sisters_relationship/)
I was asked for an update and thus, here I am.
Two things to clarify before I update:
1. I didn’t have a shitty childhood. The favoritism started when my sister was diagnosed. I moved out soon after and have been pretty independent since then. Not saying that how my parents treated me during those years were a-ok, but I wasn’t Cinderella.
2. I did not drink myself into oblivion. I had two white wine spritzers. But I appreciate the concern from folks!
Anyhow, the update:
I got in touch with my sister and asked her to meet up again at a park (no bill involved). I asked her if she was pregnant and she told me the truth. She said she wanted us to still be in each other’s lives and that she wanted me to be in her baby’s. A redditor (and I forget who, I’m sorry) mentioned that she may ask me to be the godmother and that person was correct. But as many of you pointed out — if I didn’t cut her off, I’d just become her bank and daycare employee. So I told her I could no longer be in her life. And I left her crying on a park bench and felt like the shittiest person in the world.
I emailed my parents and told them how betrayed I felt and that I’d be cutting off contact with them. To my stepmom’s credit, she apologized. She explained that she never thought my sister would live to have kids and that she let her emotion over that get the better of her. Understandable. My dad said nothing, which is honestly what sucked the worst about all of this.
Ben tried messaging me from a burner account for the first time since the break-up but I blocked him without reading it.
I didn’t go nuclear and post the story to Facebook as some suggested but I sent an email to the extended family members who I care about. I explained the situation and how I’d be distancing myself from my family. Some have made it an us-versus-them situation and as much as I appreciate the support, feeling like I’m in some valiant battle just makes me more tired. So I haven’t been talking to much of anyone in my family.
I feel lonely and crappy, but I think I made the right decision.
Anyhow, not the most exciting update in the world but hopefully everyone knows that I’m not dead. I do really appreciate the support I’ve gotten — it made me smile during a really shitty time.
And hey, if anyone in the greater Boston area wants an extra guest at Thanksgiving, lemme know.
TL;DR: Ended up cutting off my family. | IM IN BOSTON! And my family loves to have strangers in their homes, we are Dominican. DM ME. |
I am a hiring manager at a tech company and I was hiring for summer internships a little while ago.
We had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. It was a virtual interview over Zoom because of covid.
A minute or two in, when I was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. I thought it was a little strange. I said something polite about wanting to hear from him.
She just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. I asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short.
I thought that was all over and done with until I'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection.
It bothered me, I felt bad for the kid honestly. Wayyy back when I was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when I was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when I was an adult applying for engineering jobs. But I felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own.
I sent an email back saying I was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. I also asked HR to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (It is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the Covid craziness.)
Anyway, after we sent that, I got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers.
I said that I could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. If he wanted to reach out to me I was happy to give him some feedback.
However, I could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. We were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
I also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager I've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... Would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. Since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves.
She fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where I hung up.
AITA for how I handled this? Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut way earlier | NTA
It’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job.
She snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. You’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her. |
I f32 gave birth to my son 5 weeks ago. My husband's mom has been camping in the living room ever since and inviting people over, making a mess in the house, etc. I said nothing because if I open my mouth, my husband would start scolding me saying his mom is there to help and I should be grateful. What I did was ignore her and focus on my son.
I handle feeding, diaper change, cleaning, wiping. I only get a few hours sleep so my husband's mom isn't really helping with the baby. But I thought to myself "well, at least she cooks for us!".
Last night, I was in the bedroom breastfeeding my son. I knew I was late for dinner but I thought that my husband and his mom saved a plate for me. Once I got done with my son, I walked out the room and saw my husband and his mom sitting watching tv. I asked about dinner and my husband said it was "probably" on the stove. As I was walking towards the kitchen, his mom loudly said that she didn't save me any food. I was absolutely shocked I asked her why and she simply said "Well, we didn't see you at dinner table so I thought you weren't hungry". I lost it and yelled that I was feeding my son OF COURSE I was hungry, I was actually starving!. She shrugged her shoulders and said it wasn't her fault I didn't "show up for dinner" but she knew damn well that I was with my son and hadn't eaten a thing in hours!. My husband asked me to not raise my voice at his mom but I told him that he saw what happened and didn't think about me being hungry and needing food. he lashed out asking what the fuck I wanted him to do and I said "I don't know, maybe save some food for me?" She defended him saying it was selfish of me to basically berate him for eating his dinner after working for long hours at the department. An argument ensued and I went inside the bedroom, packed a small bag for me and my son, called my brother to come take me to mom's house and my husband blew up at me as I was making my way out. We argued at the door and he told me that what I was doing was uncalled for and childish. I told him I couldn't take his mom anymore, he said I should be ashamed of myself for talking about her like that after she literally put her life "on pause" so she could help ME out. My brother came and I got into the car and left.
He picked some food for me on the way and I ate like a hungry bear. My husband never stopped calling though. In his last text he called me "nuts" and demanded I return today but I said that I miss my mom, that I like it here in her clean home with her healthy food and would like to stay for a while. He's lost it and got his family involved accusing me of keeping his son away from him and punishing him over "food".
**Edit...Ok, to those who are saying that I'm keeping my husband away from his son, I promise you that he has full access to him but chooses not to come over simply because he hats my mom and refuses to be with her in the same room. How long am I going to stay here??? There's no telling but at least I'm being pampered and treated like a princess by my mom, dad, brothers - heck, I couldn't get this treatment in my own home!. As for my husband, He can come over to mom's house if he wants to see his son so badly but I doubt he'll do it since he's a very prideful person and this might hurt his ego.**
**one more question to answer cause a lot of people asked me to clarify. Yes, Department = Police Department. He's a police officer. I'm sorry if you got confused, but I thought it was clear.**
**Edit Ok, I felt sorry for him and decided to send him a couple of pictures that I took of our son sleeping and what was his respons? A long wall of text berating me left and right and claiming that I was rubbing it in his face that he "can't come" see his son because of you know what!!. He called me the b word which he never did til now and I'm shaken and so so mad right now because I really thought I was doing something nice and considerate after having sympathy for him. I've decided to get the rest of my stuff tomorrow because I need more time and space to be able to think about what he's done and said. I feel terrible right now but at least I got dinner for tonight, unlike when I was at my own home when his mom first came**
**Edit. OH MY GOD, I can't even find a place to start with this. So he just sent me a picture of him and his mom cooking dinner in the kitchen (it's nearly 7 pm here) saying that he was repaying me for the pictures I sent earlier and that they were making dinner and they were not including me "for real this time" ?????? I just....Oh my God I'm literally laughing like, seriously, what is this? I'm truly speechless!. I haven't responded to this (yet) and I don't think I will because I'm so angry right now and may just regret the words that I say to him. I'm gonna put the phone on silent or something for now because I don't want them to ruin yet another night but tomorrow I'm going to collect more of mine and my son's stuff so I could stay longer at my mom's house. Thank God I went anonymous with this and I might update later if anything new happens. Goodnight!**
**Edit. God I can't believe I'm back on here, but he just sent me a text saying he's only willing to come over IF I could get mom out of the house tomorrow, like literally have her leave her own house! He said it's just for 2 hours so he could see his son and also "talk" (he doesn't even know I'm coming over tomorrow to pick more stuff for me and the baby). I'm freaking out! Like absolutely no, not happening. I wouldn't dream of telling mom to leave her own house, that's crazy out of line request!!!. I'm not sure wether to respond or what I should say to him but I'll try to get some sleep then see how it goes in the morning!. I'm too tired to do anything but I Just wanted to put this here for those who just read my thread, I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. Aright!.** | Breast-feeding while on an empty stomach. That’s like going into debt. There should’ve been heaping mounds of food waiting for you |
I’m going to be vague for privacy reasons, sorry.
I (33F) am the breadwinner of our household. I have multiple, highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make 200k+, with potential to get in the 600-M’s range. My company has not been hit that badly by COVID, so most of us have kept our jobs, but we’re held to strict standards.
My husband (36M) has a broad degree/work experience. He quit his job right before COVID hit, hoping for a better job in the meantime, and I was supportive. He spent a ton of time applying to various jobs, and finally landed an interview at Organization X.
This is his dream job, in almost every imaginable way (I can’t be detailed). However, it’s paying about 65k a year, which would be fine except this job directly puts my job stability at risk.
My company and this org. are adversarial, at best. My field is extremely secretive, and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor, I would be permanently tainted. I wouldn’t be able to get a job in the industry forever. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it absolutely is not.
It’d be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ. If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone. Even if I trusted my husband not to do that, my clients and company don’t. Worse, b/c my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in.
I asked him to drop from consideration for this job, since if he got it, we’d lose my income. 65k a year cannot support us in this city. Plus, he does not have to work for this organization. Even if the job market is awful right now, his background gives him access to a wide range of jobs, but I only have this one, niche field.
He was extremely angry, and said I was “selfish and only cared about money.” I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him, but taking this job isn’t possible.
He continued the process behind my back, and got the offer. He wants to accept it, b/c he says his career needs to take priority and that I wasn’t being a supportive wife.
I feel so betrayed, and I’ve contacted all relevant higher ups in my company to inform them. I notified them as soon as he got the interview, b/c it’s better coming from my email than from a background check.
I told him he could decline the offer, w/me watching him physically decline it, or he could accept the offer and move out immediately. I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all of my legal fees.
I feel fucking awful. I still love him. I moved decisively, b/c this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts. He called me heartless and cold. It’s true that I was prioritizing my career over his, but it felt like the only option at the time. | NTA Some are saying you've decided your job is important than your husband. They're ignoring that he seems to have decided a job offer is more important than **your entire career**. I was ready to call you the asshole considering we frequently see people unnecessarily prioritize their career over their spouses when compromise is possible. However he's refusing compromise.
To address the people calling this a trust issue - it doesn't matter if she trusts him. Her company and her clients don't. He knows this and chose to pursue this job anyway. If she doesn't trust someone who's willing to destroy her entire career for a single job I don't blame her.
Men aren't usually the spouse making career sacrifices for the greater good of the couple. I don't know for sure but that could be something he's struggling with. |
OP [here ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k39l2y/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_hes_a_bad_person/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
UPDATE: Thanks for the rewards! A lot has happened since my OP
I spoke to the manager of the dental practice. I explained that my boyfriend (BF) had been open to me about not paying and that he doesn’t plan to. The manager said a letter was already on the way demanding the payment, and if BF fails to pay then court proceedings will begin. He was thankful I called and knew it was their mistake, but was surprised by my BF’s attempts to argue with him. That’s a good result for now.
I didn’t plan on telling my BF as I wanted to end it (there’s been too many red flags, so I decided I couldn’t ever truly trust him) and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. But before I got to end our relationship in person, I learnt another painful lesson.
Recently my BF’s laptop broke. This was fine as it was old and he can’t work from home anyway (he sells cars), so he’s used mine. Earlier this week I’m on my laptop working and go to check my personal emails, except my BF’s email was still logged in when I opened the webpage. I go to log out but saw the most recent 30 ish emails were all from the same person, a girl. This was weird as who emails like that to converse anymore? I know it was an invasion of privacy, but I clicked onto the emails.
I deduced this was a girl from his work, they were emailing because her mobile phone was broken, and emailing him from her work email during the day was an easy way for them to still talk. The emails were flirtatious. They mentioned dates they’d been on, he’d clearly been to her house, they spent lunch breaks together and she thought he was single. The more I read the more enraged I became. What if I’d never clicked the email? After considering where I could bury him, I decided to remain calm.
I called my manager to tell her what I’d just learned, she’s super cool and said to take the afternoon. I then called an emergency locksmith and packed up my BF’s stuff (he alternates between staying at mine and his mums), except for his PS5 I bought for his 25th birthday last month. When this purge of my BF from my life was ready, I text him:
“I know about S. Our relationship is over, your things are on the doorstep. You must transfer me the money for XYZ. Please don’t ever contact me again.”
And blocked him on everything.
A little while later, there’s knocking are at my door as he’s pleading to be let in to talk about it. I can see him but stay silent where he can’t see me. He was on his knees crying, begging, pleading for me not to leave him. Whether they were crocodile tears or not, my heart *ached*. After some time he left with his stuff. I felt relief and had a good cry, but I doubt that’s the last I’ll hear from him.
I feel heartbroken, and stupid. An enormous thank you to all those who said his behaviour was revealing of his character/what he’s capable of, I will apply the same vigilance to future partners. I know this is a dodged bullet, but it hurts like hell.
**EDIT**
Just wanted to clarify some things:
- I kicked him out of *my* house. I own it, he’s never paid anything towards it and has no documentation linking him to my house. He alternates between staying at mine and his mother’s, with his mother’s being his official and primary residency.
- Weirdly, some of you were really focused on the fact I kept the PS5. But I paid for it, have the receipts and it never left my home. I feel like retracting this gift he’s had little over a week as an asshole tax is morally justified after he’s been a 5* asshole. (And last time I checked this was a moral judgement not a legality sub?). …I think they’d be very different comments if this was the other way round and he’d just given me an engagement ring and then found out I was cheating not even 2 weeks later. Yes it’d be mine under the jurisdiction of a gift, but is it morally right I get to keep the ring? Probably not.
- I noted down the email of the girl my ex was cheating with in case I wanted to contact her directly. I was thinking of constructing a message explaining everything and assuring her I’m not bitter towards her. Then it’s up to her what she wants to do with that info.
Thanks so much for all the supportive messages and comments, I am reading every single one. I’m honestly shocked at the amount of kindness from strangers! | I agree. You did the right thing hope in the future you find some better person. |
My 4.5 yo daughter has a stomach bug, and has been having some diarrhea. My wife needed to take our son to an appt nd I needed to WFH today so my MIL came to watch after our daughter.
My daughter needed to use the bathroom, and I was going to excuse myself from my online meeting but my MIL said she had it. A bit later, my daughter came up to me and asked me to wipe her. I said to her, didn't Grandma help you? (She knows how to wipe, but with her having diarrhea we're helping her). She said yes, but Grandma wiped wrong. She said Grandma wiped in instead of out. (We've taught her to wipe out instead of in.)
I excused myself from my meeting to help wipe my daughter correctly. I went to find my MIL in the kitchen. I asked her, [daughter] says you wiped in instead of out? She said, I wiped her, you think there's a better way? I told her it's not healthy to wipe into the vagina, you need to wipe out. She said, and you have a vagina? I said no, but I have a daughter, and I won't let her get an infection by wiping poop into her vagina. She said, [daughter] doesn't have a real vagina yet, there's no chance of infecting anything. I said, what...? Of course she has a real vagina, she's a female. She said, girls don't have real vaginas until their teenagers. And that there's no chance of any infection because their vagina doesn't actually develop until they're a teenager. I was... dumbfounded. And I got angry.
I said to her, "You're a woman, you raised three daughters, I'm married to one... you can't possibly be this stupid?"
She told me I'm out of line and said if I can't appreciate her help then she's leaving. I told her I'm perfectly, in fact definitely more capable than her of caring for my daughter, and that she's welcome to get out. She did leave, and about ten minutes layer my wife called me and said her mom was furious with me and said I was terrible to her and made her leave without any reason. After explaining, my wife is on my side.
AITA for defending my daughter's "real" vagina? | NTA, your MIL is profoundly stupid, not for not knowing how to wipe, but for not realizing that 4yo girls have fully formed genitals. God knows what other pearls of wisdom she has in her brain. |
I sound like a real asshole but I've completely lost my mind over this.
I'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. We both have our driving license.
I just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. They got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy.
I know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? Am I crazy or is it super unfair? It's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back.
I'm actually so pissed off that I've moved to my mom's house full time.
My dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while.
I messaged him back saying that I'll decide if I want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. I've ignored all other calls and messages from him since.
My stepbrother messaged me saying that I need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. He also said that I need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's Christmas. I told him to get in his civic and fuck off.
AITA? | NTA. It takes a serious miscalculation by both adults to think that kind of uneven gift giving is okay. I think after you cool off you should sit down with your dad and explain how hurt you were by the disparity. |
For some weird reason my MIL really wants to go into our bedroom whenever she comes over. On one occasion I followed her as she went upstairs (i was going to get something for my child as the bedrooms are upstairs) and she walked past the bathroom on the main floor and up the stairs behind it. She didn’t hear me and I caught her walking straight into my room and rifling through bills on my dresser. She denied snooping (even though I’d just watched her do it) and said she was just going to use our bathroom because she couldn’t find the other ones. She walked right past the one on the main floor and another one in the upstairs hallway to go into our bedroom. Since that happened, I installed an exterior doorknob that requires a key on our bedroom door and one on the door to our office/spare bedroom.
However, she’s still always “forgetting” where the bathroom is and trying the bedroom and office door. This really ticks me off. My husband says that I just get annoyed at this because everything she does drives me crazy and since we’ve put locks on the rooms we don’t want her in, there isn’t really a problem anymore.
Well over the holidays we had my in laws over for dinner and before they came I was searching for the bedroom keys. We hadn’t used them in a while since we only lock the doors when MIL comes over. My husband told me we didn’t need to lock the doors since she wouldn’t try to get into the rooms and I insisted that she would because she loves to snoop. We went back and forth and decided to cover the doorknobs in super fine glitter to see if she tried them.
I did this once before when husband didn’t believe me about the snooping to prove she’d been in the rooms. Last time she ignored the glitter and we didn’t say anything about it but then my husband couldn’t deny that she’d tried to snoop. So this time I covered the knobs in glitter and for the office went a touch further and rigged a little folder of glitter over the door to the office before the in laws came over. I left it one side unlocked (French doors) and it was set so if you walked in the room you would get covered in glitter.
Husband goes out of his way to show his mom the main floor bathroom when they got here and specifically asks his parents and sister not to go upstairs. There’s a baby gate so the kids can’t get upstairs either.
Well guess who had to go to the bathroom and got covered in glitter and had it all over their hands and hair? She completely lost it and started screaming at me so I yelled back and now my husband is saying I went too far and I’m the asshole. MIL also says I’m the asshole but SIL says I didn’t do anything wrong and MIL deserved it for snooping. FIL is Switzerland. Apparently her car is ruined now too because it’s covered in glitter that she cant get cleaned up. So AITA?
ETA: I can’t believe this blew up and I wanted to say thank you for all the support and the awards! My husband woke up and found this post and I think the comments have been an eye opener. We are going to start couple’s therapy in January so I think that will be great for us.
I will be ordering some cellulose glitter that is biodegradable and safer for future projects.
And if she comes over again I will set up a camera haha or at least print out some fun fake documents so if she snoops again she can at least find something interesting :) | NTA.
Your MIL is an issue but the fact that your husband refuses to set and enforce boundaries with her is actually the larger issue here. |
This line at a Starbucks I went to was really long. I was in line for a good maybe 20 minutes. Until this lady in a Mercedes tries to cut in front of me and like 8 others behind me. I laid on the horn and tried to block her from cutting me but she succeeded anyway and flipped me off.
Okay. I’m the type of person who will not let someone get away with shit like this. So I waited until she pulls up and as soon as she tries to order, I honk. She then looks at me with a dirty look and gives me the finger which I already had a middle finger of my own ready for her. Each time she makes an attempt to order something I honk and sometimes lay on the horn for 3 seconds. We stopped as soon as she drove off. We then ordered and went about our day.
I just can’t people who are extremely rude like that lady and I couldn’t simply let this go.
AITA for this? | ESH but god damn i'd have done the same. |
I've worked at my office for 8 years. I'm on good terms with management and most of my co-workers.
Five months ago, a new guy was hired on a 6-month probationary period. I'm not his supervisor, but I'm definitely a senior employee. I'll call the guy Ted Faro, because he's a dick.
Supervisor was going around introducing Ted to people, and when he got to me said "This is John" and described my job.
Ted: "Hi, Jack."
Me: "It's John."
Ted: "What?"
Me: "My name's John, not Jack."
Ted: "It's close enough for me."
Supervisor: "His name's John, not Jack. Let's move on."
This continued for a few months. Despite reminders from supervisors (when he referred to me when I wasn't present) and myself, he continued to use the name Jack. I finally told him "You either use my name, or I ignore you completely, no matter what the situation is."
His response was "Sure thing, Jackie boy."
Since I don't work directly with him, I figured "screw it" and that I'd ignore him.
Recently he had a 2-day business trip that required car rental. I work late some nights, and Ted came to me and says "Hey, Jack, I'll be dropping the rental car off at 7 when I get back. See you there for a lift back to the office!"
(they closed at 6 and there's a drop box)
As promised, I ignored him.
7:15 rolls around on the night he's dropping off and I get a call. I recognize his number, so I ignored it. He called 7 more times, then starts e-mailing.
The first one was along the lines of "Jack I'm at Enterprise. Come pick me up."
E-mails pour in every 5-10 minutes, addressing me as Jack, Jack-o, Jackie, and Jackie-boy. The emails also started being laced with profanity and a couple threats.
I signed out and went home. It was raining hard.
Next morning, I saw that Ted had sent a few more e-mails. I printed them off. At 10am, he storms up to my desk and screams "Where the [f-bomb] were you? I told you when to pick me up! I HAD TO TAKE A CAB! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COST ME?!" He goes on like that for a bit until his supervisor came and hauled him away and asked to speak to me.
Supervisor: "Ted tells me that you ignored his requests for a pickup when he dropped off the rental. He was caught out in the rain."
I relayed what happened, and showed him the printed e-mails. I'd highlighted the threats.
Supervisor: "I can see why you wouldn't want to spend time around him. But it was still kind of inconsiderate to leave him stranded in the rain. That's not the greatest neighborhood and he could have been hurt." he sighed and said "With the threats and him being on probation, he no longer works here. Just try not to be an a-hole in retaliation to your coworkers."
A few people at the office have commented that I'm the jerk for ignoring Ted and getting him riled up, which got him fired.
*AM* I the a-hole on this? | NTA what is that dudes problem? Why on earth would he think it’s okay to not call you by your actual name? Especially when repeatedly asked! The dude sounds like a massive a-hole and I’m happy for you that he no longer works at your company. |
A few nights ago, I hosted a game night for a small group of friends (we had all been quarantining and following the proper guidelines in my county). It was only going to be 5 of us (including me), but one of my friends texted me last minute that she was going to bring a coworker from work (Matt-fake name). Fine with me.
We started playing a card game where you answer questions about yourself; based on the level (Level 1, 2, 3), the question could be extremely surface level (ex. what's your favorite color?) to something deeper (ex. what characteristic of yourself do you not like about yourself?). Everyone was enjoying themselves, and I was happy with the way things were going.
Cue a question I drew: "What's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through?"
Some backstory: My sister passed away a few years ago when I was still in high school. I was pulled out of class and flew immediately to her college and watched her die in the ICU. Needless to say, this is probably the hardest thing I've been through. 3 of my friends in the group knew about this, the other 2 and Matt did not.
I didn't want to bring the mood down, so I answered that the hardest thing I'd been through was transitioning going to a college in a different state where I knew no one. We were all ready to move on, but Matt immediately piped up and said, "Wow, if that's the hardest thing you've ever been through, you live an extremely privileged life."
Everyone got quiet. Now, if he had said it jokingly, I probably would have let it go and moved on. However, the way he said it was in a very condescending and patronizing tone, and I will admit, it rubbed me the wrong way. Instead of letting it go, I said "well, the hardest thing I've ever been through is seeing my sister die in the ICU and having to watch her being lowered into her grave when I was 17. I just didn't want to bring the mood down."
If things were quiet before, they were dead silent now. Matt mumbled an apology but game night ended shortly after. After my friends all left, my friend who had brought Matt texted me and told me I was a jerk for making Matt look bad, and I could have just let his statement go. I do feel bad about what I said and being the cause of game night ending so soon, but I also feel like I was just making a justified statement. AITA? | NTA. Matt made Matt look bad. |
I was raised mostly by my uncle and aunt. My older sister developed a serious illness when I was 6 and my parents decided that they couldn’t care for both of us I guess, so they kind of unceremoniously dumped me at my grandparents and my uncle took me in. Like, didn’t even explain to me what was going on, just “you’re going to go visit gran for awhile” and never picked me back up. My grandparents and uncle explained it later, and they were pretty livid at my parents. I’ve seen my parents maybe 5 times since then and not at all for the last 9 years. I decided to stop having contact with them when I was 12 and since I was the only one reaching out all communication broke down. It turned out ok, I love my aunt and uncle and it turns out they can’t have kids so they’ve always said I’m their miracle kid, I was just misrouted by the stork at first. I was formally adopted by them when I turned 18, I wish it had been earlier but there were some red tape things that would have made that really expensive and difficult. I’m 21 now.
My sister passed away between thanksgiving and Christmas and I made a trip back from school for the funeral, but I stayed in the back and left before my bio parents could talk to me. They called my uncle to try to talk to me, but I said I didn’t want to so he told them that I wasn’t available at the moment.
They finally caught up to me over Christmas when I went to midnight mass with my gran, and approached me and tried to give me a hug. I did recognize them, but I pretended not to and just backed off and said “Sorry, do I know you?” They said “We’re your parents!” and I said “My parents are at home.” and went and sat down with my gran. They sat behind us and I could just feel the stare, and on the way out they were like “You really don’t recognize us?” And I said “Oh, are you my dad’s brother? I think I remember you from when I was little.”
My gran thinks they deserved it trying to come back to me like nothing happened, but they wrote me a long letter about how hurt they are and how I should understand that they were trying to do the right thing and how they’ll always be my parents and I can’t change that. Other family members think I was too harsh as they’re grieving, but I don’t think they should get a pass just because they remembered me now that my sister is gone. | NTA. "Are you my Dad's brother" was pure class. |
I (F27) have been with my boyfriend (33) for almost two years now. We will be getting married eventually but it's not a priority.
My mom won't let us share a bed if we come see them for any reason. When we came over this last summer my boyfriend suggested renting a hotel so we could have privacy and a comfortable bed. It drove my mom nuts that we bypassed her ittle rules. She wouldn't drop it the entire time we were there. She made me promise not to do that again.
My boyfriend's mom and dad are retired to Mexico and they are really chill. So we made plans to come visit them over Christmas. They are not Christian so they don't really care when they see their son with regards to religious holidays.
We didn't tell my parents we weren't coming. My mom asked me at Thanksgiving if I was going to hold to my promise not to stay at a hotel over Christmas. I answered truthfully that I would not stay at a hotel.
I am sitting here on the balcony of my future in-laws condo looking at the Carribean waiting for sunrise and enjoying the peace and quiet. I made the mistake of going online yesterday and I saw a bunch of posts from my mom and my sisters about how I was a jerk for lying to them about my plans.
I may have been a little tipsy last night because I decided to respond. I said that it was ridiculous of them to try and tell me I couldn't share a room with my boyfriend, that I was keeping my promise by not staying at a hotel when we were there, and that if they planned on putting everything on Facebook I would be avoiding all visits for the foreseeable future.
They took down their posts when people started crapping on them for trying to control me. But some people did agree with them.
Now they are texting me and calling to say I was an asshole for making them look bad. I asked them if they were trying to make me look good with their posts? They stopped for a while but there were more texts and voice mail this morning. I'm kind of liking the idea of skipping out on the drama from now on. But I miss my dad and he is blameless in this.
AITA?
#EDIT
I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of things that keep being repeated.
1. How was staying at a hotel so we didn't break her rules not the adult choice?
2. How many of you guys fly across the country or drive for hours to just stay one night? | ESH. Your mom is horribly controlling. That's not in question. But instead of saying, "I won't be spending Christmas with you this year, I'm going to the in-laws, and if I come to you again, we will stay in a hotel," you lied in such a way that they thought you'd be attending. Instead of acting in the adult manner in which you want to be treated, you behaved like a kid.
EDIT: Well, now. This kicked off. Thank you for the awards. Clearly a mixed bag of responses. Just a little clarification, a lie of omission is still a lie. If you are dealing with a manipulative or narcissistic person, it is all the more important to state your boundary clearly and stick to it, otherwise you will leave yourself open to their abusive tactics and flying monkeys. Don't bring yourself down to their level.
And for everyone that told me to fuck off or similar....Merry Christmas to you too. |
I have 2 children, a 9 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. My son had a Minecraft world where he built quite an impressive castle on an island, which he was very proud to show to me.
Since school was canceled, he has had issues with waking up on time. He is supposed to wake up at 7 each morning, but for the past month he has been sleeping in until about 9 or 10. I always set an alarm for him, but he sleeps right through it. I don't wake him up because waking himself up is a skill that he needs to learn. I told him about 2 weeks ago that there are going to be consequences for him if he continues to sleep in every morning. At first, he understood and was waking up on time every morning. But for the past week or so, he has fallen back into old habits. I told him yesterday that this is his final warning. Today, he slept in until 11.
So I followed through with my warning, and went on the computer and deleted his favorite Minecraft world. I also took away computer privileges for the next month. When I told him, he started screaming and crying. He told me that he spent a whole year working on that world, and he's very distraught that he's never going to see it again. He has been crying and sobbing throughout the day, and has refused to eat any of his meals. | YTA - parenting is more about finding ways to get your child to succeed than negative punishment.
Not only will your goal of having him wake up not be met.. you’ve created additional hardship on your child during these unprecedented times
He’s 9. The punishment did not fit the crime
Edit: thanks for pointing out my incorrect use of negative reinforcement |
I got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "Appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.
I told them them all that I had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. When I first told them they thought I was joking, but they underestimated how committed I would be to a joke. So, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) I was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.
Apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.
Finally after about a week they bought that I had become an Appletarian. They started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. Some of them even got angry.
But I wanted to stick with the joke. Finally, after the end of 3 weeks, I walked into what I was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.
They were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. Finally I started laughing hysterically. They were confused as hell so I told them I had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. I even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.
I thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. My girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago I had ruined our date night when I told the waiter I only wanted apples because I was an Appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke".
In my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.
But, did I go too far?
| NAH.
I may be in a minority, but I think this is fucking funny as hell. I feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank.
Edit: because I don't want to reply to this several times. When I mention including girlfriend in the prank, I mean either his now ex if they get back together or any future girlfriends. |
Let me just preface this by saying this: **I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS.** Now that the air is clear, let me continue.
My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.
My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they *absolutely will*, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.
As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her *and* me.
Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the *length of the skirt* she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.
No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass? | * EDIT: Thank you so much for all the positive and supportive responses and...*all* the awards, my goodness. If it makes you feel lost in the crowd, try [Mutual Aid Disaster Relief](http://mutualaiddisasterrelief.org) for your donation needs. MADR evolved from the Common Ground organization that drove racist patrols out of the French Quarter after Hurricane Katrina, set up clinics and a hospital, and today helps people organize to survive disasters all over.
* SOLIDARITY CHALLENGE: Add up the cost of all 69 silver awards on this post as of now, and donate the total to MADR for my 33rd birthday. Or you know, just like $3 or just train with them!
YTA. Has it occurred to you to [edit: uncivil remark] and PROTECT your daughter from the racists you are supposedly so against? Anti racism isn't popular in "the community" when you define that as white people of a certain age and class. It never has been and never will be. Dr King's dream wasn't to ask politely for people to be "not exactly liberal but okay", then give up and abandon black people and their white partners to the wolves if they say no.
> furious at both her *and* me
[edit: This is ultimately an avoidant desire.] You and the other white moderates are the jewel in their crown; they need to win your complicity before they expand their empire. You are the oil in their tanks; your [edit: uncivil adjective] actions fuel their advance. Do "your daughter" a favor and tell her you've chosen not to be a dad to her because it might affect your little popularity contest. She deserves to know the truth. Jamal deserves to know you place your little neighborhood pecking order above his safety and freedom, too.
Let's hear from Dr. King about the white moderate:
Letter from Birmingham Jail (excerpt)
By Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 16 April 1963
"First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can't agree with your methods of direct action;" who paternalistically feels he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by the myth of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a "more convenient season."
Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."
You're not just "not liberal", OP. You are the enemy of [edit: antiracists]. [edit: uncivil suggestion.] Be a [edit: swearing should probably go too, given the tone] DAD. Get your [attitude] together before you get someone seriously hurt with your wishy-washy bull[crap]. Be part of the solution or get out of the way. And might I add, your parents are who Dr. King meant by "White Citizen's Council-er". How many black people did they attack at soda fountains and city halls? How many have they intimidated out of their neighborhood? Have you even asked? Ball's in your court, [TAH]. |
I \[20 F\] am an older sister to my little (biological) brother (17 M) who finished high school last year. My little brother and I are really close. He says I'm the best friend he has and he loves me more than anyone (of course this is not true, he has many friends of his own).
My brother has been asking our step-dad/mother if he could get a new car for his grad party since last year, and he said he'd pay 50-75% with his own hard-earned money while they paid the rest. They said no. I have a car but I had been working for one, they helped me pay off for it. So my brother's arguments with our parents got heated after awhile (one time I told my brother that I'd help him pay off expenses for a good car once I got my own. He hugged me and said I didn't need to worry and that he owed me way more than I owed him). But he continued to press our parents all of last year until they gave in and said yes like they did for me.
Note that our step-dad and my brother have a negative relationship for the most part. Our bio mother and step-dad got together soon after our bio dad and mom divorced when we were little. My brother thinks that step-dad and mother were seeing each other before our real parents divorced and tbh, I think that might be true. Not certain, though.
Anyway, my step-dad, mother and brother compromised and said they'd get him the car in 2021 so that people don't gawk at him at the graduation party. June this year my brother and step-dad/mother are still on about the car, now the arguments getting loud and lasting hours until evening. My step-dad was getting into screaming matches with my brother over it but they reached a final compromise of the car being bought last week.
The fated morning comes and my brother wakes up to our step-dad and mom guiding him outside to... a car. But not his, our mother's. Step-dad used his and my brother's money on a dumb prank, bought a completely different model of car, and said it was for our mother. Our mom and step dad just laughed and kissed each other. My brother didn't lose it, he didn't even look angry. He just looked dead in our step-dad's eyes and said, and I'm not joking, verbatim: "you might think I'm fucking stupid, you might think whatever. But I'm just better than you, bro. You know that, I know that, and our mom is a fucking idiot for staying with a prick like you. But I'll make you wish you'd never fucking met us. I promise you. You might be laughing now, but you'll be crying later." He then walked off, not even looking back at them as they stared horrified.
They asked me what was that about and I, feeling terrible for my brother, said they had it coming and not to be surprised. So now they grounded both of us. I've had to explain the situation to my friends as I can't see them anymore but I feel so bad for my baby brother and they back me up on this and ask me to comfort him as much as possible. But our parents are so mad, and they can't see that my brother had his heart crushed. AITA? | **NTA.** Your brother is a better person than I am because I would be blasting stepdad/mother everywhere. I'd call the local news stations and ask if they are interested in a story of parents stealing from their child, I'd tell family, friends, people at church, random strangers on the street, post about it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, make a You Tube video, *everything.*
Your mother is the worst for letting someone do this to her *child*. I want to say so many things that would get me permanently banned.
Edit: Thank you all for the awards! |
It’s been almost a month since my original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/htmhgb/aita_for_shouting_at_my_ex_in_front_of_my/), and a lot has happened since then. Many of you asked for an update, so here goes:
Last weekend, the girls were at their mom’s. After she dropped them off Sunday night, my 12yo asked to talk to me in private. We went into her room, and she showed me two recordings she’d taken on her phone; one of my ex trying to convince them I was abusing them, and one of her and her husband arguing about how much she was paying in child support, and I’ll be honest here - my cousin is a family court lawyer and basically raked her over the coals. It wasn’t pretty, but I was still extremely hurt over the affair. I even got alimony.
Anyway, my 12yo told me she didn’t want to go to her mom’s anymore, but she said she felt she had to because she’s the oldest sibling and it’s her job to protect the younger ones. I’ve always instilled this value in her (I’m an oldest child myself) but seeing this just made me even more upset, because now it’s just another battle she’s fighting that she shouldn’t be. She’s also just started to figure out that her mom cheated, and over the past couple weeks she started firing tons of questions at me about the timeline of their relationship I couldn’t really answer, and after showing me the recordings, she literally demanded I answer her, yes or no, did her mom cheat on me.
It wasn’t easy, but I told her the truth, with the promise she wouldn’t tell her sisters (as much it sucks, that’s my job, not hers). The way she cried on my shoulder was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced, but she was catching on and I figured if she’s going to find out regardless, it should be in a setting where she’s comfortable. After she was done crying, I told her to email me the recordings she took, and called my cousin.
We’ve just started the paperwork, but my cousin is certain we can get my ex nailed for parental alienation, and since she got a promotion a few months ago, I should be able to renegotiate the child support payments as well. Most importantly, the recordings should be enough to give me grounds for supervised visits only, which is what I want. I still want the girls to have a relationship with their mom (especially since the younger two still want to see her), I’m just going to have to make sure I’m present at all times when they’re with her. Coparenting is oodles of fun, kids!
Anyway, I also want to give a huge thank you to all the supportive comments and messages. I only saw most of the DMs recently because I use the Reddit is Fun app on my phone and for some reason it doesn’t show chatroom messages. I’m not the best with technology, seeing as my most valuable job skill is herding 5yos, but I wouldn’t trade it for any other career. Thanks for all your support, Reddit! | I said it in your original post and I’ll say it again. You sound like an amazing dad and your girls are lucky to have you
You are doing an amazing job and even knowing she’s trying to turn your girls against you you are still trying to facilitate a relationship between them and her for their sakes |
Link to my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k4ifvx/aita_for_getting_mad_about_my_boyfriends_guy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
So about 2 weeks ago I posted here asking if I was the asshole for getting mad at my boyfriend for his guy nights. The post didn’t get a lot of attention but the attention it did get was controversial and there was a lot of differing opinions so I figured I’d do an update as a lot has happened.
So after I posted I ended up contacting the girlfriends in the group to see what was up and we started noticing some fishy stuff. Their boyfriends and the guys in the group would say the exact same things to them as they did to me. Stuff like we’d invite you but then the other girls will want to come. We also figured out that there were other nights that all the guys were free but that wanted to do Saturday’s for some reason. One of the girls, H, was suspicious for this any many other reasons so she checked her boyfriends phone (I don’t condone what she did at all btw, but in this circumstance I excuse it). While looking she found a group chat called “boys night” which she had never heard of. She was super suspicious at this point and clicked it to be greeted by a bunch of very interesting messages from the boys in our group.
Well guess what? Turns out “guys night” was really “go to a pub and cheat on your girlfriend night”. The message was in reference to one of the girls my boyfriend was sleeping with last week. In fact, all the other guys except one were cheating, while the other knew but kept quiet. Another lovely discovery from the chat was that he hasn’t been using protection with the other women or with me (birth control), meaning not only has he been cheating he has also been putting me a high risk of an STD, while also risking mine and my elderly grandfathers life because of COVID.
Needless to say we’ve broken up and I feel better for it, but right now I’m friendless, single and waiting on STD results which doesn’t feel fantastic.
So yep. Definitely not the update I was hoping to do but life clearly doesn’t turn out the way you plan.
Edit: wow I really was not expecting this response. Thankyou for all the kind words. I’m at work at the moment and will try to respond as much as possible but from the bottom of my heart Thankyou all. And also Thankyou for the award I’m very overwhelmed by all the kindness
Edit 2: Thankyou again for all the kindness- I just thought I’d add a few things. 1. Covid isn’t bad where I am (Aus) but when we hang out we social distance with masks- you can’t social distance during sex which is where my fear of covid comes from 2. One of the girls dumped her boyfriend (who wasn’t cheating but knew) and the other took him back (he was cheating) and finally 3. I’m STD free!!! I got a call an hour ago and am so completely relieved- now I can start to move on. | This sucks but at least you know now and can be better off without him, and the rest of your so-called-friends. Maybe you could try and make friends with the (ex)girlfriends now?
I will say though, as someone who had friends who turned out to be not-so-great, don't feel like the time spent with them before your boyfriend was wasted. Were you happy with them? Did you have fun? Don't think of it as wasted time then, just time with people who turned out not so great. I'm not saying to forgive them, forgive yourself. I'm just saying don't regret, or be angry with yourself for having a good time with people who turned out to not be not as nice as you thought, enjoy your memories and don't let them taint them or you'll live in regret
EDIT: Thanks for the awards kind strangers! This is something I tell myself when I'm struggling sometimes, I'm so glad its helped other people too |
My fiance M33, and I F28 are getting married in december. His mom is the intrusive type but she's nice overall and we....somewhat get along.
I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare. His mom wasn't willing to agree on most things, and my fiance said that since he's her only son then I should respect and appreciate this "vision" she has for the wedding and how it should be.
She insisted to come along for wedding dress shopping. I took her with me and my mom and friends. I was so lucky to have found what I was looking for. but she picked a dress that she liked so much and said that "she always pictured her son's bride in it" mom and friends thought this line was creepy. I thought the dress was somewhat creepy and toooootally not my type. I apologized and thanked her for her "vision" but told her that I'd already decided on a dress that I had "envisioned" myself wearing at my wedding!.
She got all pissy because of it apparently, then must've told my fiance because, he came home in the evening ranting about how I made his mom upset and "turned down" her help in choosing the wedding dress and excluded her from the process. I asked "what process?" duh it's just a wedding dress...my wedding dress so I really didn't get how she should get a say at all!. He got upset and said that this attitude of mine isn't working on him or his mom. He said that I should consider the dress his mom wanted me to buy especially knowing that "both dresses weren't that much different anyway" like she said but I told him yes they were different...like so much different.
Anyways, We argued about it then we dropped it. Yesterday I came home and found out that he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted. I called him and he was straightforward about what he did and why he did it. I lost it and started screaming at him. He asked me to calmn down and really give this dress "a chance". I refused to even listen I screamed at him without giving him a chance to speak. He got home and we had an argument. I then went to stay with one of my friends and he kept calling and calling then texting saying that I overreacted and it's his wedding too so it wasn't cool how I screamed at him. He insisted I give this dress a chance. He went on and on about how his mom has a "vision" and good intentions and just wants what best for me as her future daughter inlaw.
Mom is livid and has been wanting to go scream at him and his mom but my dad said that this isn't worth ruining my relationship with my inlaws. He suggested I wisen up and "go with the flow" but is it too much for me to be able to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted about it just to keep the peace?. AITA for my reaction?
ETD Q & As
I'm editing in some answers to frequent questions I get.
A. The dress she picked wasn't all too crazy but just wasn't my type.
B. This issue started during wedding planning and there were other things...like way too many things we didn't agree on. but this "vision" has been there for...quite a while.
C. I AM paying for the dress obviously.
D. My fiance's dad is deceased. also, his mom suffered from multiple health conditions. Has no daughters but one only son.
E. He's still presisting... | Hand him the ring back...
Say "I hope you get the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for."
Walk away.
NTA |
Throwaway for anonymity sake incase this does go further.
To preface this, I (24F) am vegan, and have been for a good 10 years. I have not eaten meat since I was roughly 3-4 years old when I found out where meat comes from (spoiler alert: there were a lot of tears). This is no secret and everyone in my life knows and respects this - or so I thought.
Four nights ago, I was at a party and I will admit, I got white girl wasted. My friends thought it would be funny to feed me chicken nuggets as a prank. I checked with them before chowing down "are these vegan?" To which my friends replied "yeah, they're sunfed" (a type of vegan chickenless chicken). They tasted off to me but I figured it was just because I was drunk. I was wrong.
I found out the next day when my sister sent me a message telling me to check my friends Snapchat story. The story was them showing the nugget packaging, and then showing them giving them to me (including the conversation where I asked if it was vegan). The and then later them mocking me and pretending to be me when I found out I ate meat (things like fake crying and yelling "the CHICKENS!!!"). I took a screen recording of the video and took it to the police, on the grounds of food tampering, and now 3 of my (ex) friends are facing charges.
They all think that I'm overreacting to a 'harmless' prank, so Reddit, AITA? In my view, they took advantage of my drunken state, tampered with my food, and publically humiliated me. In their view, it was just a prank. | NTA I’m impressed and kinda think this is awesome. Edit: I think that it’s awesome you went to the police and they’re taking it seriously. |
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iwpbdx/aita_for_kicking_a_friend_out_of_my_house_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
It's been a few weeks since the situation happened, so I will start off by saying that (ex)friend B did NOT apologize to friend A for what she said. Matter of fact, she hasn't reached out to either one of us since then (we also didn't reach out to her). Unfortunately, B's words from that day really got to friend A. She struggled with survivors guilt and questioned her upbringing/lifestyle, views on religion, etc. She doubled her therapy sessions and I spent my free time keeping her company.
A couple of weeks ago, I went over to her place and found her reading a bible and (almost obsessively) flagging pages. She said she was researching to check if what B told her was true. She started reading excerpts and telling me her interpretations. This behavior did scare me a bit, so I suggested she bring this up to her therapist (it was the only thing I could think of to help calm her down). She did talk to the therapist who suggested she perhaps talk to a pastor instead of trying to come up with her own conclusions. She asked me to go with her, which I did, but told me to just wait for her at the church while she talked to the pastor privately. After, she said that she felt better and was more convinced that B was full of it. She also seemed calmer, so I believed that conversation did help her.
I was at her house on Friday and she told me that she still thinks about what was said and, although she feels much better after talking to the pastor, he's only one person and what if he is wrong? I tried to reassure her again and talk through her feelings, but I could tell it was still eating at her. I had a feeling she might spiral again. Then I had an idea. I told her about the post I made on here and explained why, how it works, etc. (she's not a Reddit user). I pulled up my original post and asked her to read the comments to show her how hundreds of people (religious and non-religious) felt about what was said. We spent the evening reading each comment, she cried, she laughed, she was surprised and overwhelmed at the amount of support and reassuring words from all these strangers. I could tell she was more and more relieved as we read. She has been in a much better state of mind since then, so seeing hundreds of people disagree with B's words definitely had a positive impact on her.
So dear Redditors, thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping my friend with your kind words and reassurance! She has a long road ahead of her in this grieving process, but she's going strong. | This is such a good update. I'm glad reddit helped & your friend is feeling much better! You're a great friend |
Ever since we(27) had a baby, my wife had been talking like a baby herself.
Rather than teaching the baby to talk like a person, it's as if my wife's language has become baby-like. She would make noises in between conversations like "Bo-dee-bo-dee-chooop" and "Awowo-fwatata", even when talking with adults. This is especially embarrassing when I am with her in public places, when she talks like that to complete strangers.
I have been telling nicely to her to not do that but she would just laugh it off, totally oblivious to how people around us stare whenever she talk like a baby. I have to point out that she is not in the spectrum, just a crazy new mum, in fact too crazy sometimes.
It was a day off for us when we have my parents babysitting the baby and we finally have some time by ourselves. We went out for dinner and she done it again, talking to the waiter, something like this:
"Yippy thanks ya-ha-ha-hah. Owoyoyaya by the way can you give us an extra plate for this?"
Seeing how the waiter staring at her as if she is some kind of mentality challenged. I rolled my eyes and told her:
"I am taking a break today and don't need another baby who cannot even talk properly to look after. Please excuse me."
Then I left the restaurant without her. I don't know what occurred to me but I probably shouldn't have done that, but I guess it kinda just snapped. AITA? | ESH. Ditching her at a restaurant is unkind and a little dramatic. Talking to complete strangers in a baby voice is crazy and embarrassing. I don’t blame you at all for being frustrated and walking away, but she’s your wife, and sometimes people we love are imperfect. Try to react with kindness - she’s probably an exhausted walking zombie right now.
That being said, her behavior is weird and atypical for new moms. I’d have a sit-down conversation, and don’t let her laugh it off - if she starts brushing it off again, I’d say, “I’m not joking, this is strange behavior that’s really starting to worry me.” Make it crystal clear you’re disturbed. And if she persists, tell her you’re not interested in a date night until she can act like an adult. |
Edit: Update. I want to thank you all for the kind words and comments. I knew after reading the comments that it was time to come to a resolution. I decided to drive home from work and talk with Erica. When I showed up Leah’s car was parked in the drive. I went inside and they were watching tv. I told Leah immediately to get out, she tried to argue but I told her if she didn’t then I’m calling the police. Erica tried to get pissy that I kicked her friend out but I said I’m done talking about Leah because at this point nothing is changing with that relationship. Sat Erica down and showed her this post. 20 minutes of reading later I asked her what she thought, she said “those people don’t understand our relationship or Leah”. I knew then that it was over. I asked her to hold out her hand and I took the ring off. She begged saying she is sorry and she’ll cut Leah off etc. I told her I can’t even trust her with the garage code, how am I supposed to trust her as my wife. She’s locked herself in our room now. I’m in the kitchen packing up her things. I called her dad/mom telling them about what has happened and they were furious. Leah is apparently banned from their house and has been since HS. I didn’t know this but her parents said it’s been like this since Hs. They are coming this weekend to get Erica and the stuff. I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now. A huge weight feels lifted off my shoulders. I felt like if I never made this post I wouldn’t have ever seen how messed up my life had become. Sincerely thank you everyone. Can’t wait to take my clubs out and play a round now that I have more free time. Really excited to see what single life brings and can’t thank you all enough again.
Me (29M) and Erica (27F) dated for 2 years and have been engaged the last 4 months. After we got engaged Erica moved into my house. I still pay the mortgage while she pays for utilities, Groceries and household items. After we get married the plan is to put her on the house so she gets equity as well. Her friend Leah (27F) and her have been best friend since high school. I don’t particularly like Leah but have also been cordial as I know she’s gonna be in my life. My issue is Leah thinks of my home as hers. Couple examples…
She always brings her boyfriend over and he’s a sketchball. She talks to me in a very disrespectful way in my own house, like I’m a guest and she/Erica own it. One day I went out to my garage and some of my tools were missing. I checked my camera and Leah/BF were in my garage with Erica and took some tools with them. I asked Erica and she said they were just borrowing and would return them. I had to reach out multiple times for them to finally return the tools weeks later. I have a nice wine/liquor collection and I was working late one Friday. While working I heard some clanking of bottles together. Erica wasn’t home so I went out to see what was up. Leah was behind my bar. I asked what she was doing and she said that Erica told her it was okay to borrow a bottle of wine for her party and that she would pay it back. I told her no that wasn’t alright and to leave. I asked Erica about this and she said “I don’t remember telling Leah she could take a bottle but I might have I don’t remember”. I told her at this point I wasn’t comfortable with Leah being in my house, Erica sorta understood but also blew me off.
Final straw came when I wanted to go hit some golf balls and my clubs were missing. I freaked out because i golf regularly and my clubs are my biggest investment. Went to check the camera again and Leah used my garage code and took the clubs. I blew up, called Erica and told her to get them back immediately. Erica said Leah had asked for the garage code to grab some clothes from her closet and not my clubs. I threatened to call the police but Erica stopped me. Leah kept telling us that her boyfriend needed them for a work thing. I got them back almost 4 days after they were taken and they were dirty. At this point I sat Erica down and told her that if I see Leah in my house again then I’m calling the cops, no discussion. Erica got upset saying that it’s her best friend and that wasn’t fair to do to her in our house. I said it’s a pattern and since Erica’s stuff isn’t affected she doesn’t care. I said she can go over to Leah’s if she wants to see her. She said she can’t do this because Leah doesn’t like her apartment and Leah’s BF is always there which makes Erica uncomfortable. I’m now getting the silent treatment and getting called an AH but I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. AITA? | Do not put this woman on the deed to your home. Heck, don't marry her. You don't have a Leah problem, you have a fiance problem. Time to move on, buddy.
NTA. |
[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ] | NTA. If they bullied you as a boy in the past, the MtF transition won't affect that. You don't have memories of Z as a female bullying you. Therefore no matter what the present or future has to do with them, they will always be that boy in your mind. |
I know the title sounds absolutely terrible.
My ex and I were together for 5 years. I decided to propose, but she rejected me. The next day, we had a talk. She realized that she was gay, since "I've been trying to hard to please myself from men". We broke up.
The very next day, I get bombarded with text messages. My friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. It was a Facebook (who uses Facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. She said that's why we broke up. Now I usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. She was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. I simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. People didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. Then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. I know I'm probably a huge asshole. Though I feel like she deserves it.
But alas, AITA?
No. I did not cheat on her.
Yes. I did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. But it was after. | NTA, this wasn't revenge. She was telling lies about why you two broke up, you simply corrected them. Your reputation was being destroyed; just denying it wouldn't have been convincing so outing her was necessary.
Also, she **did** deserve it. |
So background: I (32f) have a brother, "Dave" (35m), who's married to "Sarah" (29f). They don't have children yet. I have a son who just turned four and a three-month-old daughter with my husband (39m). My husband and I live in Belgium most of the time, but we travel back to visit my family about once a month (in England). At home, we speak both English and French to our children (my husband is Belgian), and right now, my son is in this very sweet phase where he'll sometimes mix up the two languages and say a couple of words in English in a French sentence or vice-versa. This has never posed a problem to us, and even the staff at his nursery have reassured us that it's very common and they tend to grow out of it once they start at school.
My sister-in-law has decided that this is a problem, so when we're visiting my parents and she notices my son doing this, she'll correct him, but she does so really rudely, whereas my husband and I will just gently correct him.
Anyway, we're visiting at the moment and she's now decided that instead of correcting him, she's just going to start ignoring him when he does this. I sort of noticed her doing it when we arrived, and I thought it was odd, but assumed maybe she was just stressed (her job is quite intense), but it only really became an issue yesterday. My husband was talking to my dad outside and I was feeding my daughter in the other room, and I'd left Louis with Sarah and Dave. When I came back downstairs, Louis was crying, and I managed to understand that he'd tried to ask Sarah for a drink (he has a special cup he uses that he was holding, so it was obvious what he meant) but that she'd just ignored him. I asked her why and she explained that she wasn't going to reply to him unless he said the sentence correctly and that I shouldn't be "ignoring my son's obvious speech issues." For context, it's not that she didn't know what he wanted. She told me that she understood exactly what he was asking for, but that she was deliberately refusing because he hadn't asked correctly.
This really pissed me off, but luckily my husband came inside at that moment and pulled me away so we could calm down and settle Louis. That night at the dinner table, Sarah asked me to pass her something, but she said it in "bad" English (she IS English, I just mean that she asked for it in slang. Think, "Pass *us* the peas, will you". I had a bit of an epiphany and I just decided to totally ignore her. She asked again, and I did the same thing. My brother asked why I was ignoring his wife and I said that I'm not able to reply if she can't speak English correctly and that it's wrong of him to ignore her obvious issues with grammar.
Everyone's pretty pissed off with me and I admit it was incredibly childish, but she was needlessly being a dickhead to my baby.
Should I just apologise?
**Edit: WOW this really blew up. Thanks for all the comments and support, and thanks for all the ESH/YTA messages too. I'm not going to apologise to her, because, to be quite frank, I think she deserved it, but I will have a conversation with her and my brother before we leave to try and explain that, for one thing, it's completely normal, and, more importantly, that if she keeps correcting or ignoring my son, I'll be severely limiting their contact. Although I doubt if I'll ever leave him alone in a room with her again anyway.**
**To answer a few of the most common questions: When I said everyone was mad at me, I meant my brother, his wife and my parents (although, my parents don't agree with what Sarah's doing either. They're more trying to "keep the peace"). My husband is entirely on my side, and when he realised what Sarah had done to Louis (he only saw the aftermath), he wanted to cut short the trip.**
**Sarah (and the rest of my family), only speak English, which I suppose goes some way towards explaining why she doesn't understand it. I do think it's a monolingual reaction because we've never experienced anything similar in Belgium.**
**One final thing - lots of questions about why we're in the UK so often. My husband has to be in London for his job about once a month/ once every six weeks, so we tag along. I freelance, and a few of my clients are UK based, so it's a good opportunity for me to fit in a few meetings too. It also gives us the chance to bring Louis and Misha over to see my parents before Louis starts school, and we have to cut down on the visits.** | NTA.
You completely passive-aggressively defended your kid against a childish adult. Was it petty? Yes. Was it deserved? Hell yes. |
My sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. I won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. I decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. She did not get her car fixed for some reason. She claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. My parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. Along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. I told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when I specifically tell her not to.
​
Recently I've been needed to get to work very early and I really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so I told my sister she had 30 days until I took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. That was 32 days ago. Yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). I called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this I reported it stolen.
​
My sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. My sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. They claim I want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. My parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. Am i wrong here? Am i an asshole? | NTA, this is the definition of theft |
So, I'm getting married to my fiance soon. I bought my wedding dress weeks ago. His my (FMIL) kept pestering me about trying it on but I firmly refused. I finally shut it down after she offered me 100$ to let her try it on. Her reasoning for presisting so much? She says it's because of her "love" for wedding dresses and her obsession with them.
Fast forward to yesterday, I came home from work early and I found my fiance at home. He freaked out after seeing me and tried to prevent me from going into my room while trying to text somebody on his phone. I opened the door and was shocked to see his mom standing there wearing my dress. I instantly pulled out my phone and took a photo of her in it. Sheand my fiance freaked out after I told her that she needed to pay me for a new dress in 3 days or else I'll show the whole family the photo. She started crying and then left and my fiance blew up at me saying I can't be serious and that I overreacted because his mom just wanted to try the dress on, no harm done. But I refused to listen to him because in my opinion, the dress should only be worn by the bride and the bride only. quite frankly, I felt disgusted looking at the dress again, I don't want it anymore. And so I think it's fair that she pays me after she ruined it for me. He yelled at me. and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that as if she was an enemy. We had a fight after he failed to get me to back down and he's been staying with his mom since then.
I felt awful, but I spent 3k on this dress and worked hard .to get it, I can't stand looking at it but people in my family think I'm escalating things and risking my relationship with not only FMIL but my fiance as well.
AITA?
Update: Oh My God! This blew up, and so I thought I'd add some updates. My fiance called and offered to pay for the dress himself so we can "end the conflict" but he wants me to :
* hand him my phone so he can delete the photo himself.
* Swear that I don't have any copies to "use" against his mom later.
* Apologize to his mom.
* And lastly, He asked that I quit his family group chat and log out of facebook for at least a month.
I haven't responded yet.
P.s He called with this offer/conditions hours ago but I didn't want to include this in the post but now I did. Also, I'm not sure if I'll agree because I don't want him to pay for it, I want his mom, the one who wore it to pay for it. Not being vicious but trying to hold her accountable. | NTA, but are you sure you want to marry this guy? He stood guard outside your bedroom so that his mother could **try on your wedding dress**. Do you think he will *ever* stand up for you against her?
Edit: thank you for the awards! ☆☆☆
Also: I think all the "incest" suggestions are *way* off base. He's just an AH who can't say no to his mother and is prepared to deceive OP if it will shut his mother up.
His mother OTOH is controlling, manipulative, and deceitful, and will probably be an absolutely horrible MIL should OP choose to go through with this marriage.
Edit 2:
>I think all the "incest" suggestions are *way* off base
This was in reference to the suggestions that OP's fiancé was in, or looking for, a physical relationship with his mother. Emotional incest is a very distinct possibility. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out. |
Hello,
This is an update to my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/au9bhn/aita_for_objecting_to_girls_day/
This last month has been kind of wild for me so I haven't had an opportunity to update this until now. So the descriptions of my family and my family situation in this thread was specific enough that one of my family members found out about it and confronted me. Due to the fact that I had deactivated my Facebook and was only receiving text messages, I didn't realize what was happening before I was ambushed by it. My sister (oldest) confronted me about it and asked if it was me who made the thread and I confirmed that it was. And she insisted I was being shitty for airing the family's laundry like that. I responded that I in no way did that as I was speaking very generally and never identified who my family was.
This spread to my family and now the thread was shared on Facebook and everyone was shown. I was invited to a family meeting (we never have those) where I was sat in front of a firing squad of angry women who told me that what I did was wrong and demanded an apology. They said that 'I knew' they weren't excluding me and because I gave everyone that impression I owed them an apology. I replied that I absolutely did NOT know they were not excluding me, and included examples of things they did (such as the birthday dinner, going to an amusement park, and going to a baseball game). Once again they characterized this as a girls only event of fun where boys just weren't allowed or welcome because they wanted to talk about things guys wouldn't be interested in. I replied that she needs to stop saying 'guys' because there is only one guy who would have been invited and that's me, so what she's really saying it its a no-OP event, not a girls only event. They explained that it wasn't excluding me because regardless of whether I was interested in the event the conversation would have bored me because I'm not a girl. At this point we were going around in circles so I just explained my perspective, I said that I'm the only male in our immediate family, when the people in my immediate family get together on a regular basis (not a one off or once in a while) and don't include me, regardless of what they called it I feel excluded. I explained that the breaking point was the family vacation, and that there was absolutely no reason to leave me out of a vacation I was always invited to, particularly when that's the only family vacation we do and they've stated they cannot afford a second one.
At the end of this family meeting, I was never given an apology, no one tried to empathize with my perspective, and I was accused of many things that I didn't do by any reasonable interpretation. I told my mother and my sisters that we reached a breaking point in our relationship and that I was going no contact for a while. I told them I'm an adult, and I have my own life, and the reason I wanted to be involved was because I didn't want one of those family relationships where you only see your family at holidays. If that's not what my family wants then it's okay, but I told them that I was not going to be involved with people who made me feel shitty and intentionally leave me on the outside looking in of my own family. My mother/sisters told me that if I was going to lie about them to everyone that they don't care. At this point, my relationship with my family is over, I left that family meeting and have not reactivated Facebook and have not received any contact and have not initiated any contact. Que sera, sera. | I'm so sorry OP. I wish you speedy healing, difficult as it may be.
Since at least one family member is reading, let me say you's miserable people if the general thrust of the story matches OP's telling of it. Shame on you. Also, you're nuts if you think a catty group is going to be satisfied ostracizing just the one person. Look around your group and ask yourself who's next. |
My husband and I live in the US northeast, where I am from. “John” moved here for work several years ago, from the deep south of the US where he grew up, raised with Christian holidays but never attending church. Coincidentally, shortly before everything hit, John’s parents AND his childhood best friend “Dan” and his wife decided to move here as well.
This past weekend was the first that us three couples have gathered together since any of us moved here; we had a “distanced picnic” at our house. John sat down 2-3 minutes after I did, as he was settling our kid into his pen in the yard with us. Dan and my FIL immediately started to “jokingly” rip on him for being “whipped” and doing “my” job of parenting our child while he was supposed to be “allowed” to just catch up with the two other men. I was trying to politely deflect when it turned to how “mean” I was for not “fixing him a plate” and serving him before serving myself. (If I thought a certain dish would run out before he got to it, or if he had asked me to, I of course would have!) Dan and FIL continued to brag about how their families "do it right", where they handle the “outside chores” while their wives handle the “inside chores” (including the care of Dan and his wife’s two children). I think it’s important to note here that both currently live in rented condos that by their nature do not have “outdoor chores”, and **both their wives have always worked full time, as I do**.
The whole day was kind of wrecked by that start, and I was frustrated when John left with Dan and FIL to “go for a walk” and left me to do all the clean up alone while also looking after our kid. I expected John to apologize when he returned hours later, but instead HE got at ME for “making \[him\] look bad” in front of his friend and dad. He brought up how “a traditional division of labor” is “a huge part of southern culture”, and how I was being “disrespectful” to his background by “forcing northern culture” onto him and his family. He said he’s been building up a lot of “resentment” the past few months that I “make” him do half the chores and childcare, since in his “culture”, women do the chores and hands-on childcare, and men do the fun parenting, the discipline, mow the grass, and bring in the cars for oil changes when needed.
I was stunned but honest and told him southern culture is garbage. It's bigotry. I lived in John's home state for 8 years, and I saw how "southern hospitality" is reserved only for those in your in-group. Deviate from the norm--be queer, non-Christian, a POC, a liberal, a non-traditional woman--and they turn on you viciously. Does every single person act like that always? No. But it's the culture.
John is livid and says his "culture" is just as valid as that of other global regions, religions, and ethnic groups, so I am the bigot by not "compromising" with him here and incorporating aspects of his culture into our family life the way I would if his "culture" was "Islamic or Asian or whatnot". | NTA.
**Fuck that.**
John better knock that sexist shit off, or he'll be a single father soon.
(*Right?*)
Edit: thanks for the awards, friends. :) Stay safe! |
My husband and I have been together for 3 years. He has 3 kids from his previous relationship and I have one. She's the oldest (17). He's a dedicated man, puts God first and loves everyone.
My husband always complains that my daughter doesn't spend time with her stepsiblings or him but she has reasons for that and that is school, health issues and work. She does her best to spend as much time with them as she can. but she on the other hand complains that her stepdad tells her to basically take on the role of a babysitter whenever she's with her stepsiblings. My husband denied that and said that my daughter was making up excuses to not have to spend time with his kids.
For this issue, I figured that a family trip is what the family need to get together and spend more time around each others. My husband liked the idea but said that his kids are now "uncomfortable" around my daughter because of her "attitude" and suggested we let her stay home and have the house all to herself since that's "what she always wanted". I told him it's best that we all go. he kept complaing til I snapped and told him to stop
I booked (paid) for the whole family. However, my daughter told me she couldn't find her passport. We turned the house upside down looking for it but couldn't find it. My husband said maybe it was a sign from God that we should let her stay home so the trip wouldn't turn into a disaster. I ignored his comment but later while I was cleaning his office I found the passport, tucked away in the 3rd drawer under a ton of papers. I was floored by this, I confronted him with it and he swore he had no idea why or how the passport got there. I checked the upstairs camera and saw him enter my daughter's room. That was it for me, I screamed my head off at him then cancelled the whole trip completely. He started arguing saying I overreacted and that he didn't want his kids to be "miserable" on the trip and that willing to apologize to my daughter if and *when* I reconsider my decision regarding the cancellation of the trip, because my stepkids will be devastated but I said it was final and that it was done.
He become cold and distant and said that he wants to take some time to do some fasting and get guidance from God about how he should deal with the disrespect and control I had displayed lately.
AITA for cancelling it altogether? | NTA
He can’t use your daughter as free child-care for his children... so he intentionally alienates her from his family (and yes, I said *his family* because it is very apparent he does not consider your family his family!)
____
Let’s see what he’s done just in your post alone...
- Your, almost adult, daughter has valid reasons why she cannot spend more time, as he wants, with the step siblings... he does not think her needs are equal or even important.
- Your husband orders her to babysit. She is not now nor will ever be his beck-and-call servant.
- You wanted (booked and paid for yourself) a family vacation... he does not see her as family, since he made excuses and complained that she could not go against your wishes. He does not think she deserves to go on the “family” vacation because he clearly does not see her as his family.
- When he could not manipulate you into what he wanted, he forced the issue himself... then allowed you to tear thru the house causing you and your daughter stress while knowing 100% what he did caused this... and had no problem with that.
- He used “God’s Will” as the excuse for something he intentionally did... does he think he’s a conduit for God or God himself? (Narcissistic much?)
- He lied about what he did, and when you called him out, he still continued to lie to you... and when you had proof and he ran out of valid lies... he twisted it all around saying that you are the one overreacting!
- When he still couldn’t lie, argue, or manipulate what he wanted from you... he then turned to giving you the cold shoulder as a form of punishment to you. (oh you’ve hurt my little feelings! you must adjust your ways to make me feel better!! ... even though this is all my fault and my own doing, but I cannot be held responsible for that!!!)
____
Your husband wants to control you; what you do & what you want.
Your husband wants to control your daughter; what she should be spending her time on and forcing her to do things she cannot do.
When he cannot easily do that, he uses manipulation and lying in order to accomplish it.
When he is then held responsible for his actions, he turns it around on you.
When that doesn’t work, he throws a temper tantrum.
____
*He did not marry you because he wanted a wife and step-daughter; he was looking for 2 females to boss around and do his bidding... in God’s name, Amen!* |
I am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on Instagram and blogging. She had a mommy blog all when I was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved.
It sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when I'm looking for a job, when I'm dating, when anyone looks up my name.
I found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... And I ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them.
"No photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image"
It sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. I got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos.
And I guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures.
My mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when I'm wearing mine. Like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking
But I know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if I want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. Or posting without asking and then saying I thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc.
And I'm always like "no you didn't THINK. if you thought at all you'd remember what I said I want. No new pictures of me or mentions of me online. Remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me.
I am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. She's mad I won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things.
I know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option.
Edit to add a couple more things... She also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. We've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". I don't know what to say to that, but I don't agree
AITA for always wearing my no photos hoodie? | NTA - your mom has exploited you all your life, for money. That's shitty enough, but then to try and guilt-trip/manipulate you into continuing to participate even though you've told her explicitly you don't want to be a part of it anymore? That is beyond the pale.
It's not like being an influencer is the only job on earth. Go work in a travel agency or something!
It's also not like she couldn't continue to be a blogger - she'd just have to rebrand to one that doesn't focus on being a "mommy" (yuck).
Surely being a Mom isn't the only interesting thing about her? |
Throwaway account and please don’t repost anywhere else.
I (24f) was with my ex fiancé N (27) since I was 13 and he was 15. He was my first love, my first everything. We got engaged when I was 20 and about 6 months after we found out we were expecting. Unfortunately I miscarried a couple days later. That was the worst moment of our lives.
We always dreamed about starting a family early so this was a major blow to us individually and to our relationship. I fell into deep depression and I admit I was wrong for only caring for the lost i felt and not my partner’s. We argued a lot, he partially blamed me and I accused him of not knowing how it felt to lose a life you were growing inside you.
We were hurting each other and decided to separate for a while, that while turned into a year. We still kept in contact, I went to therapy and worked on healing myself, he even came to a few sessions with me.
We decided to get back together shortly after my 23rd birthday. However the relationship wasn’t the same. He was somewhat withdrawn from me and I thought it was because he still blamed me. I was sick overthinking and worrying. It got to the point where i was going backwards in my process so i decided to snoop through his phone. I found out during the year we separated he had been confiding in my sister (27) and it turned to something intimate. He cut it off when we got back together but the damage was done. She was pregnant.
Turns out my parents knew about this and some of our friends. I kicked him out and cut off everybody who knew. Well a couple weeks ago I got an invite to the wedding. Something snapped inside of me, I got drunk and I took a cab to my parents house where they were throwing a party for them. Most of my family was there, I basically showed up and gave a whole fuck you speech to everybody. My sister ran upstairs in tears and my parents called me an a hole for ruining the prospect of their wedding. I said good because nobody apologized to me, everybody just kept saying we were separated, things happen people fall in love, i should be happy for them, the heart wants what i wants. The worst part is my sister told me maybe my baby died for a reason so she could get her happy ending.
I’m regretting getting drunk now because i’m not a confrontation person but i was so upset. Aita ?
Hi everybody, thanks for all the support and encouraging words so far. I know this update is coming so soon but i’ll like to tell you guys a joke. My sister called from an unknown number a couple minutes after i posted this lol (I’ve blocked everyone). She asked well more demanded that I return the ring fiancé bought since it would be disrespectful to keep anything for him knowing they’re starting a family. She said how immature of me for basically not sucking it up and being happy for her. She even intended to make me her MoH. I apologized to her for ruining her party and told her I’d mail the ring but as for me and her, we’re done and to tell my parents the same. I’m here balling my eyes out waiting on my therapist to finish with another patient so i don’t turn to a bottle again and go off again. | I started dating my ex when I was 15 and we broke up when I was 23. If he ended up dating my sister, knocking her up, and then marrying her, I would lose my shit.
While barging into a party, screaming at them wasn't exactly the most healthiest decision you can make, personally, I say fuck them. They clearly don't care about you, and if you got some relief from doing what you did, I say congratulations.
NTA |
I’m the dad of a 25 year old young woman who I love very much. I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter and I enjoy my time with her, but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause - she is a diagnosed sociopath.
She exhibited odd, disturbing behavior at a young age, and after a serious incident of abuse towards her younger sister, I realized she needed professional help. Throughout her elementary years she struggled heavily, getting in lots of trouble in school for lying, cruelty and all other types of misbehaviors. With an enormous amount of therapy & support, her bad behavior was minimized as she grew older. She received an ASPD diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior.
After her aggressive behavior was tamed, her following years were much more fruitful. She’s law-abiding; has a decent job and a good education; and has many good friendships and admirers. Especially male admirers; she is very, very charming and adept at attracting guys and maintaining their interest. She uses that old dating guide “The Rules” like a Bible. She currently has a boyfriend of about a year and a half who’s crazy about her, and who I have a very strong relationship with (we live in the same area and spend time together regularly). He is a **great** guy, very kind, funny and intelligent.
But I doubt she loves him. We’ve had some very honest, in-depth discussions about her mental health since her diagnosis, and she’s been open with me that she doesn’t feel love or empathy towards anyone, even family. When she acted very sad and broken up over the death of one of her closest friends at the funeral, she confessed to me privately that it was all a put-on, and that she felt “pretty neutral” about the whole thing. She has also stated she has never once felt guilty about anything she’s ever done, and doesn’t know what guilt feels like. While she enjoys being around her boyfriend and is sexually attracted to him, I highly doubt she feels much of anything towards him love-wise.
Her boyfriend (who might propose soon) **has** **no idea** about her diagnosis, and she’s been very upfront with me that she has no plans to ever tell him, thinking it’ll scare him away. I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry; that he has the right to know and consider it; **or I will**; to which she always responds, “I know you wouldn’t dare.” I actually would - I really like and respect this young man, and would feel awful keeping this “secret” from him, and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge.
I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future. **Maybe** her boyfriend’s love of her personality and other aspects is enough that it won’t end the relationship. It’s his decision to make; but he deserves all the facts. Someday he’s bound to find out she’s a bit “off”; it can’t be kept a secret forever. AITA? | Wow. That's the hardest AITA I've read in a long time.
You're ethically compromised either way. It's probably best you stay out of it.
Edit: I can't possibly respond to all the comments this comment is getting, sorry. Scroll further for more in-depth discussion of the subject. As to why this got so many updoots, I guess it's because I was the first, or one of the first, people to comment. |
My (39M) son (17M) Bryce dated our neighbor Lana (17F) for a year, they broke up mid Jan for reasons I don't know. I won't sugarcoat this, I never liked Lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding Bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because Bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. The thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much.
My wife and I tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared Lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up.
He said that after he broke up with her Lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but I told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. Now the problem is that we bought my son a car for Christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. Ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know Lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've CCTV). Still, something smell bad for me so I decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case.
Well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, Bryce and my wife were so distraught. We called the police and I handled them the CCTV that showed Lana and her brother (23M) destroying my son's car. We pressed charges and needles to say, Lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but I refused. I don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. My wife and I want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put Lana on therapy but is not enough. AITA? | NTA. This is the wake up call she needs |
Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g6zfpa/aita\_for\_not\_letting\_my\_sister\_see\_her\_kids/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g6zfpa/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_see_her_kids/)
So I wasn't expecting to make an update post, because I honestly wasn't expecting there to be an update to this. Unfortunately, I'm wrong.
I gave my oldest two weeks to really think about whether he wanted to talk to my sister or not. I figured that the decision he made at first might have been made out of anger, so I wanted to give him time to make such an important decision.
Ultimately, he decided that he did actually want to talk to her. I have to admit I was a little bit surprised, but we set up a zoom call between them anyway (of course with me supervising). Right before the zoom call he admitted to me that he wanted to talk to her, "Just to see if she'll say sorry,".
She did not say sorry.
Actually she opened the call with, "Hello! It's been so long! I guess you're ready come home with me now?", and then she noticed that I was sitting there with him, and almost immediately launched into accusations about "alienation" and how I "have to give the kids back now or she'll call the police and say I kidnapped them,". My oldest was very obviously disgusted. He asked her if she was going to apologize to him, and she actually had the audacity to ask what she had to apologize for.
At that point, he just shut off the zoom call. I asked him if he was okay, but he spent the rest of the afternoon in his room by himself.
That night he told me that he never wanted to talk to her again, ever. I told him that never is a long time, but that we weren't going to make him talk to her if he didn't want to, and we were never, ever going to give him back to her.
He told me that never is a long time. We told him that in this case, it meant never.
​
I'm still shocked. I don't know what happened to my sister. She was my best friend as a kid. She was almost my second mother. She was sweet and caring and nice, I just don't know how all that changed so fast. Or maybe it didn't change that fast and I just never noticed until it was too late and I was driving four hours away at midnight to pick up three little kids, one of which I didn't even know existed.
Before now, I honestly never considered myself as their parent, even after I legally adopted them. More like I was just taking care of them long term. But now I realize that those kids are my kids. And they're going to be my kids for the rest of my (and hopefully their) lives.
Thank you for all of your help, guys. I hope you all have a fantastic day. | When school starts back up, make sure you make the situation *VERY* clear to the school. And daycare for the little one as well. There's a good chance she will try to pick them up. |
I 23 am the oldest of five siblings and I am a full time student. I also have a part time job in my field but when I complete my after degree my employer will take me on full time. I make enough from part time to pay for school and put money aside. My siblings range from 20-10.
Both of our parents work full time. I have taken on a lot of the responsibilities for keeping everything running in the house. I do the grocery shopping, the laundry as well as making suppers and doing meal prep so everyone has lunches ready to take every day. I also get all my siblings to do their part with regards to household chores. For example my youngest brother is responsible for feeding and walking the dogs. So I make sure that there is dog food in the storage and poop bags on the leash.
My dad works very long hours and my mom works 9-5 at a hard job.
Over Christmas I had a chance to buy a PS5 for myself so I did. The rest of my family is still using a shared PS4. I keep mine in my room and I do not share.
My parents started fielding complaints from my oldest brother about how I made so much money and I don't share the things I buy for myself. Totally true. So they had a talk with me where they brought this up. I pointed out how much of the household work I did and they said it wasn't fair that o was earning so much money without contributing. They told me how much they expected from me.
I went to my room and did the math. If I gave them what they wanted I would have about $800 a month left over. If I dropped a couple of classes next semester I could go to almost full time hours with my employer and and it would only be one more year until I graduated with my second degree. But I could afford my own place and I would have way more free time and disposable income.
I packed up and moved out. Everything I owned fit in my car. I stayed at an Airbnb for two weeks until I could get everything sorted with an apartment, school, and work. It was great.
I'm not going to lie I may have gone a little overboard on Tinder. I couldn't have women over to my parents house.
I just moved into my own apartment. I'm staying part time until I finish this semester. I will work full time over the summer and go to a lighter class load/higher work hours in the fall.
My oldest brother has been tasked by my parents to do everything I used to do. His chores have been split up with the other three. They are all pissed at me for moving out.
My parents are upset that I left them in the lurch. My siblings are mad that they all have more chores. My oldest brother is especially salty because he has no free time to see his girlfriend and she isn't allowed in the house when my parents aren't home.
I'm enjoying my free time. I bought myself a plant from IKEA.
I feel bad for screwing them all over but it didn't make sense for me to do all that work and pay rent on top.
#EDIT
All the chores were split fairly. I wasn't doing any more than anyone else. I thought it was fair until I was asked to out in money as well. | NTA.
>I bought myself a plant from IKEA.
This honestly made me smile. |
It's a complex situation but I'll do my best to explain.
I M45 have a bio son 'Leo', 16 from my previous relationship. I married his step mom who is a mother of two boys 'Connor',20 (deceased) and 'Derek',12. I've never had the pleasure to meet Connor who tragically passed away from a motorcycle accident. Derek was so devastated by this loss and although it's been years he's still pretty much grieving. I've seen tons of pictures and videos of Connor and made efforts to get to know who he was as a way to share Derek's grief and be there for him to lend an ear and a comforting shoulder. It's safe to say that Derek and I grew a strong bond in no time. But my son Leo isn't close to Derek. Understandable because not all siblings and step siblings are the same. Leo and Derek are different in everything which isn't a bad thing but Leo calls himself the brutally honest type and makes insensitive comments about Derek most of the time. they tend to be under the guise of 'Advice'. Derek never complained so I had to step in and tell Leo to stop being insensitive towards his stepbrother especially, with everything regarding Conner and his memory. Leo would say "OK I get it" and "I won't do it again".
Days ago, Leo wanted to hang out with friends and asked Derek if he wanted to join. Derek agreed and put on Connor's hoodie before going out. Leo commented on the hoodie and called it ugly and asked him to put on something else but Derek insisted on wearing it or not go. Leo dropped it.
Hours later Derek came home crying with his hoodie in hand. He said Leo and friends cut it into pieces while he was in the bathroom after they convinced him to take it off. I was furious I asked Leo and he said it was his friend's idea then said he had to do it since Derek wears it everywhere and it looked old and embarrassing. I reminded him who this hoodie belonged to and he said "so what, maybe this will help him move on in life". I told him his birthday was cancelled and his friends aren't welcome anymore.
He pitched a fit saying his birthday was a right not a privilege and I can't cancel it. He had my ex criticize my decision and wanted to host his birthday party but I refused because he's grounded so no party anywhere. She and her family called me awful and ridiculous and asked me to think how Leo will hate me for this but I insisted he needed punishment for putting his stepbrother through this.
Note: the hoodie belonged to Conner when he was younger and Derek kept it. | Nta. That’s a cruel, cruel thing to do.
Edit
Just read the ages. At 16 your son did that a bereaved 12 year old. Perhaps seek therapy for him? |
The title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways.
I’m 24 and I’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months.
I used and used until I was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once.
She’s my best friend and I know it hurt her a lot to see me like that.
She also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. He’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much I put my sister through.
Despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because I am her brother and she wanted me to be there.
When I get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in.
When I walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure I “didn’t bring anything in”. I instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t I, and I tell him not to touch me.
He tells me to “calm down” and that if I want to be here then he needs to do this. I tell him he’s being ridiculous and I try to push past him. He stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” I told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid.
At this point I’m getting more and more angry and I’m practically yelling in his face at this point. Bystanders came between us and separated us and told my BIL to just “drop it.” He said he would but that “they can deal with it when I get out of hand.”
I just went to go find a seat after that.
After the reception, a lot of my family told me that I should’ve let him just do it and that I was acting like a huge asshole and like I had “something to hide.”
I don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and I don’t think my reaction was over the top. If anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. My sister has refused to take any sides in this.
AITA? | NTA. His reaction was so unnecessary and he is the one who caused a spectacle by trying to pat you down in front of everyone. |
My graduation ceremony is being held next week. My dad had given me some money in advance to pay for the party. I live mostly with my mom but they were supposed to be hosting the event together.
Dad and I have a rocky relationship. After my parents divorced when I was 4 they split custody of me and he was able to stay a good dad. When I was 10 he met Jane. Jane had three kids, twins and a single kid. They got married when I was 12 but I would say even before that I felt like he prioritized her kids over me a lot. He would cancel plans with me if they wanted to do something and would either do the thing with them or force me to go and say it was even better than our plans, when for me it wasn't. Think going for a hike with me vs taking them to an indoor play area. Or seeing a movie with me vs the kiddie park. One more example is when I was given a ticket for a concert my dad and I both love. He was supposed to buy a ticket to come with me for some father/son time, but actually spent it on his youngest stepkid who wanted their room painted. He told me at the last minute and it hurt. There are other times stuff like this happened. He didn't show up at the hospital when I broke my arm because one stepkid was getting their tonsils out and wanted both him and his wife there. He told my mom over the phone to tell me he was proud of me for being brave and understanding, even though I never said that shit.
When I would bring this stuff up to him he'd tell me it was natural to feel jealous of sharing his attention. That was all he would say.
In 2019 he told my mom he would split the cost of a trip I wanted to go on with one of my clubs, because she didn't have the money all by herself. Mom had her half saved. We told my dad he needed to pay. He said bills were tight and it was the twins birthdays and the money needed to go on something for them. He told me we could do something as a family when the trip happened instead. I told him to forget it. That he was making it clear who was more important and I was going to stay with my mom where I actually mattered. Mom borrowed money to cover the other half of the trip.
Dad told me he regretted making me feel less important and we were working on things and then the graduation money was given about a month ago. Then a week ago he called and told me how one of the stepkids was being bullied, how bad of a time they're having it, and with that money they could help cheer them up for their birthday. I was pissed. I hung up. Then two days later I showed up at his doorstep, gave him the money and told him I didn't want to see him or his new family at my graduation, and that he had chosen who was more important so he better stay out of my life. His stepkids and two younger bio kids were there. I didn't stick around. He called and told me we needed to talk it out like adults, and that I had hurt the kids feelings. His wife freaked out on me so I blocked her.
AITA? | As a mom with kids from two marriages, I will say absolutely NTA.
Your dad consistently and constantly chose everyone else above you. This is not ok. Making and breaking promises is disgusting. Saying one thing and then backing out is gross. And asking for the money back???? No. Just freaking no.
He is not a father. He is a spineless sperm donor who deserves nothing from you. You needed a father and he was absolutely not it. And I’m sorry. |
I am 31, and have an identical twin brother. For a while I’ve told my wife that none of her family members notice me or care about anything I do on Christmas Eve but they insist on me attending. She told me that’s not true, they genuinely like me and enjoy talking to me. But I know that the only times they’ve included me I had to basically insert myself into conversations and it feels awkward and unnatural.
So I had a wager with my wife. Bring my twin brother Steve instead of me, and see if anyone notices. I purposefully did not prep Steve on anything, he went in completely clueless (he knew why we were doing it and was game. I gave him $20.)
As I suspected, Steve confirmed that he wasn’t approached all night, nobody could tell he wasn’t me, and he admitted he even felt excluded and he could only imagine how I felt.
So this morning on Christmas I invited Steve to join (normally he’s with my mom and dad every year as he’s not married or in a relationship.) they know about him obviously but didn’t know about the switcheroo. That was when I revealed that last night “I” was Steve and expressed disappointment that nobody noticed and said this is why I stopped trying, nobody talks to me.
My wife drew the line here, she was hoping we would keep this between the two of us as a funny prank. But how can I expect her family to see what jerks they’ve been if I don’t expose it? FWIW Steve was fine. | If this is real I'm going to go with ESH, you should have kept it between yourself and your wife to prove a point that you shouldnt have to go see her family. Yes what her family does sucks and makes them assholes but you really have no hope for that ever changing, people tend not to change shitty behaviors if called out. By doing what you did you've now made a bad situation worse. |
**UPDATE: i haven't logged into this account in a while but i tried to update and it got removed so i will just copy and paste it into here**
**I decided to ask my daughter how she feels about all of this and she said that she likes going to daycare and that all of her friends are there. I got a lot of nice replies and awards and i am very thankful for all of the support i have been getting. I'm having my daughter come home from school with her grandma instead of the daycare. I emailed the owner of the daycare franchise (not the manager) and they are very furious and have decided to let go the people who were participating in this. I am not going to report them yet unless they do this again and i am in a group chat with the parents and i told them to all tell me if they do this to their kids again and i am afraid that reporting the place could make a lot of the people who didn't know about this lose their jobs. Turns out the manager and her friends were just power tripping. I am not very confrontational and my husband also said reporting would not be a good idea since if they close down other parents would lose childcare.**
A while ago my daughter\[8f\] was complaining about her daycare because they were not giving her sunscreen. she asked for sunscreen but they said that black people do not need sunscreen but they actually do. before covid they went on a field trip and they made all the black kids sit in the sun and made the white kids sit in the shade because it would damage their skin or some bs. i talked to the ladies at the daycare and they said that it was justified but said if we brought in a doctors note they would give her sunscreen. i made my daughter take it to school and let her share it with other kids but then the teacher took it saying she was not allowed to do that without permission. The other day she came home with a bad sunburn and her skin was peeling and i had enough and wrote that they were racist and segregating kids and that she could get skin cancer because they are forcing her in the sun without sunscreen. i sent the lady in charge articles about cancer and that black people can get sunburned and sent her names of the workers who enforced this. she said that they were under her orders and that she was right because we have more protection against this and said that i was blowing this out of proportion and asked me to take my review down. I am seriously thinking of contacting a news channel about this. my friend said i am being a karen for complaining publicly and that black people have melanin so that gives them lots of protection that other kids dont have
EDIT: we live in the deep south | Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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the melanin in the skin does actually protect from sunburns and i complained publicly and could have gotten people fired
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I 28F used to be quite overweight, over the last year or so I have made many changes in my life and have successfully lost almost 100lbs. I don't live close to any of my family and don't post on social media so my family wasn't really aware of my weight loss. I did mention that I was making healthier choices but that's it. It's just that every time before that I've tried to lose weight it hasn't worked out so I didn't want anyone commenting on it.
My sister 26F got engaged last year and I'm super happy for her. Due to circumstances, the wedding had to be pushed back a little. It's happening a week from now and because I haven't seen everyone in so long I decided to come down two weeks earlier to help out and catch up. Well, when I came to see my family my sister freaked out upon seeing me. As it turns out she has gained a bit of weight not super noticeable to me she still looks great. But I think this is the first time in our lives that I'm smaller than her I've always been the "fat sister". She basically accused me of trying to upstage her and my parents are fully taking her side. I'm really not sure if I'm in the wrong here as so many of my family are taking her side of things.
AITA for losing weight before my sister's wedding? | Wow OP, you spent whole year of your life losing weight and make sacrifices just to upstage your sister ?! How dedicated and petty of you ! /sarcasm
How delusional is your family ? NTA.
Edit : typo
Edit : Thanks for the awards !! :D |
My daughter (16) Megan just finished her cancer treatment, she's lost her hair in the process and she's been incredibly insecure because of it. She no longer meets friends nor welcomes them at our home nor even meet family on person. It's been bad to say the least but her stepbrother (18) Ben has been making it worse with his nagging comments and jokes about her looks. He tried taking and posting pics of her secretly to share but I shut that down even though my husband thought it was just "harmless teasing".
My husband's sister's wedding was last week. The family wanted Megan yo go but she didn't want to. I spent so much time trying to help her and convince her to start socializing again and see family. She agreed under the condition that I let her wear a wig which I agreed, not only that but I took her shopping to pick her own wig and she looked beautifully stunning in her pixie hairstyle wig. My husband and Ben laughed when they saw it. I don't know why.
We went to the wedding and everything was going well til this happened. We were all sitting and we started talking about Meghan look, suddenly Ben reached out and pulled her wig and exposed her head. I was shocked I froze but Megan yelled then took her wig and ran. Ben, his cousins and some guests started laughing. I was upset especially when looked over my shoulder and saw my husband sitting next to his mom and laughing. I lost it on Ben and berated him infront of everyone then took my stuff, got Megan and got into the car and went home. Ben and my husband didn't have a ride home and my husband kept calling me but I didn't respond. He came home asking about me leaving mid wedding and upsetting his sister and then leaving him and Ben with no rude home. I argued with him about how Ben embarrassed Megan and humiliated her publicly which must've ruined what's left of her self esteem. He said that it was just "kids teasing each other" and that I overreacted and Ben had no malicious intent he was just messing with her. I said I was sick of it but he said that this is their way of bonding as stepsiblings and I was getting inthe way of it and being overprotective and unreasonable. We didn't talk after that and Ben is refusing to apologize and his dad is backing him up. | NTA but you need to divorce that man, his and his adult sons behavior is disgusting. There is absolutely no excuse for what Ben did |
This year I went to my fiancé’s house for Christmas. It was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead.
I got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “Dan” related to his hobbies, I got nice gifts for “Dan’s” parents based off of things I’d talked about with them before, and I got a small pack of chocolates for each of Dan’s other relatives (I didn’t know them that well).
I wasn’t expecting many gifts from Dan’s relative’s because I didn’t know many of them that well, but I was certainly expecting more than I got.
At first, I was excited when I saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. However, once I opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. Everyone laughed, and I just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. But every single one turned out to be coal. All 18 of them.
I started to get upset, so I cried and lashed out at Dan. But he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating Christmas with them for the first time. He explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well.
I told Dan I couldn’t believe I skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. But now Dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying I embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that I made it awkward for everyone. So aita? | NTA.
You skipped your family‘s Christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent.
Just because THEY enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation.
Especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! This was legit humiliation. |
My son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid.
According to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the TV and broke it. My son told us that he took the TV to the dump as it was shattered and useless. My daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the TV that day.
My husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. We never see our granddaughter breaking the TV. All that we see is our son taking away the TV that is not shattered. We asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the TV.
Eventually I got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. She said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. She basically told us that our son had made up the story about the TV breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch.
I filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our TV back. We do plan on pressing charges against him. He stole our TV and made my daughter pay for it. That is messed up on so many levels. AITA for pressing charges? | NTA at all! If you don't press charges, he'll think he can get away with stuff like this! Not cool! Frankly, you're not only not the asshole, you absolutely did the right thing and should be praised for it! I'm glad his girlfriend had the integrity to come clean! If it's his first offense, he can plea down to a misdemeanor and get some community service, and hopefully learn his lesson before does something that gets him years behind bars! |
My dad practically gave me up to his sister from the moment I (27M) was born. My mom died when she was giving birth to me. And my aunt told me he never recovered from that because he blamed me for her dying.
It hurt a lot as a kid that at family events he would ignore my existence. When I was a little older he got more vocal about me “killing” her and he can’t stand to look at my face.
You can imagine the amount of therapy that put me in. I used to go to church crying because I was scared about going to hell for doing that to my mom. That’s how much his words fucked me up. But the shitty part was that I never stopped trying to be accepted by him. After my highschool graduation he told me to never bother him again since he legally has no obligation to me anymore (since he was sending my aunt money to take care of me). Around that time is when I finally started accepting that reality so from there we moved on with our lives.
My aunt doesn’t talk to me about him. Sometimes my grandparents do and that’s how I found out he got married. They were mad he didn’t invite me to their wedding but to me it didn’t matter because we’re not close. But it was his wife who wanted to meet me. It’s the first time ever that he wants to make contact and it was to pretty much say she wants me on their life. She doesn’t know the real reason about why we’re estranged, he asked me to please not say anything and maybe this could be a way to reconcile after all.
But he was only doing it for her. That much was clear when we talked. I never said I would be he still insisted on us meeting at their place because she really wanted to meet me. All she thinks is we were estranged for not getting along in my teenager years, going to college and losing touch because of “life stuff.” It pissed me off that he played it off as us just not talking for petty reasons meanwhile the actually reason damaged me for years.
I told her the truth. Everything he said to me. That he was never a parent to me, that was all my aunt. It was definitely a shock for her. The outcome was a disaster. Everyone has heard about this now. My grandma’s in particular told me she understands my anger. But this was his chance finding someone since losing my mom and now it’s been put in jeopardy.
My dad is devastated. They think it was going too far to ruin his marriage that way when he was willing to include me in their lives which could have been the start of our relationship. And they say not only did I ruin that but also possibly wrecked his marriage. She just doesn’t agree at all with what he did and it could’ve been avoided if I didn’t say anything.
For me it was hard not to tell the truth after the lies made it seem like it was nothing serious. I couldn’t ignore what happened after what it did. Idk if it was the right call since it put their whole marriage at risk after all. | Dude, NTA. Your Dad is a Grade A double cheese asshole from hell with a special topping of asshole served with asshole sauce. He deserves every bit of what happened to his second marriage because he presented himself as a different person than he is.
I am sorry you had to go through this. I wish you strength and may you find more people who love you unconditionally. |
Okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. For context here, my sister is 30, I am 22.
Ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. Obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. We're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins.
So here's the thing. My sister and I don't really get on. She resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. Never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. One thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and I do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. When this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. This includes a trip to Paris I took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. Also includes when I had a manic episode so bad I was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. Note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it.
So recently I was sick. Like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. Didn't manage to get the doctor, but I think it was norovirus. It lasted about a week Mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. On the last day of being seriously unwell, when I felt I could eat again, Mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which I accepted. She was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me I'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. I didn't say anything to Mum and I finished making the soup, but I sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. I guess she told mum and her dad because I'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard I am and how dare I say that to her. I understand she may still be traumatised, I just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever I'm getting attention and she isn't. AITA? | NTA ten years? With other, healthy children? Yeah that's some bs you're not in the wrong here. |
UPDATED!
Throwaway account because she uses reddit.
My (M25) girlfriend (F30) Nat has a very particular sense of style. Picture Harley Finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea.
Don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! In fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. The thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. No problem. It’s cute. But now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. To my friend’s wedding. He and his fiancé are gay. I told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? The dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “I SUPPORT GAY RATS” on the front.
My friend is not a big fan of the way my GF dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. Now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”.
The wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. Should i just let her go with the dress? Am i the asshole in this situation?
UPDATE:
well guys, as many of you pointed out in the comments, me getting a throwaway account didn’t help. She found the post. Guess i was too specific after all. I will update soon
FINAL UPDATE:
Hello everyone! I would like to thank you all for your judgment, advices and opinions on my post, it was greatly appreciated! So… the conversation did not go well. She was livid with me for exposing her in this way, and although i showed her the comments (most important, the ones from the LGBTQIA community) she refused to admit that her dress was a poor choice, but in fact, her way to “appreciate the gays”. That did not sit well with me. Love can move mountains, but can NOT maintain a relationship with a homophobic. So, now i am going to the wedding a single, rat-free-dress, man! I did reach out to my friend and send him this post. He thought the situation to be hilarious, but if she did show up in the dress, he would def kick us to the curb. I guess this is all!
Ps: i am deeply sorry for misspelling harpey’s name, won’t happen again lol | NTA
That’s very inappropriate for a wedding. Not to mention, kinda insulting. |
Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgfkt3/aita_for_not_telling_my_dad_he_isnt_getting_the
A lot of people have asked me for updates so I thought id make one.
It was kind of positive?
I agreed with many comments in my first post where they said my grandparents were setting me up for drama.
I talked to my grandparents and shared these concerns. They were understanding and setup a family meeting with them, their lawyer, my dad, his wife, and myself.
I was secretly hoping that my grandparents would get over some of their issues with my dad and his wife but nope. My dad's wife actually started crying and wailing when they revealed that I would be getting most of the inheritance. I could see my grandmother almost exploding. My dad to his credit, looked disappointed but said it was their money to do as they wished.
The new agreement is that my father will receive $75k, and each of my younger siblings will receive a 50K education fund.
My dad's wife did call me a few days later and acted really foolishly. And she somehow thought that insulting my mother would help her.
I told her that if she ever said something bad about my mother again I would tell my grandparents about it. That seems to have shut her up.
My relationship with my dad was never the greatest. But I haven't really seen any further decline in the relationship.
But I feel a lot of relief now. Thanks everyone! | Thanks for the update - I'd been waiting! Sounds like it's worked out pretty well. Your father's now aware of how much he'll be getting and can plan accordingly (he shouldn't have been relying on his inheritance anyway). You don't have this bombshell hanging over you. |
I'm 29F. When I was about 10, my mom married my step father. I have an older brother Luke who was 15. My step father had Amy and Ada who were 12 and 11.
We didn't come from a privileged background, my mum was a min wage worker and my dad was absent. Our step father had a very good income. Their deal was that they wouldn't combine finances, and they would each contribute equally to the household, and then each takes care of their children with their spare money.
So my mum never had anything for us, and my step father was spending big on his kids. This included holidays which Luke and I were excluded from (step father would pay for mum, but not us). Luke and I also shared a room even though Amy and Ada had their own rooms and we had a guest room, because step father insisted that he was paying more towards the house so my mum's share would only get her one room for the kids. Luke and I were constantly teased for this situation by the three of them as we grew up. My mum always said that we should be thankful because if it wasn't for our step father we would not be living in a nice home in a good neighborhood.
Anyway, Luke and I became determined to be able to take care of ourselves so that we wouldn't need to take nonsense from anyone. We have both done quite well with our careers and finances and we are in a very good place. Since turning 18 and moving out my relationship with the three of them has been very limited. I wouldn't call us friends, but we can exist peacefully if we are in the same place.
I visited my mum recently and my step father mentioned that Amy wants to buy a house now that she's pregnant. He asked me if I'm able to help out a little with the deposit. The house is £500k and she needs a £150k deposit. She has £100k so far. £25k on her own, £25k from her mum and £50k from step father. He was asking if Luke and I can help cover the extra £50k and he said he'd pay us back as part of the inheritance eventually.
I said no. He insisted that Luke and I both own our houses outright and with our incomes so we should be able to help. I said whether I can or not is irrelevant, my answer is no. He reminded me that Luke and I each gave £10k to our cousin for buying a house as a gift, Amy is my sister and he's offering to pay us back. I said that was our choice then, this is my choice now. He insisted that we should be willing to help out our family if we're able to, I replied back "like how you helped me and Luke when we were kids?"
Everyone just went quiet when I said this. After a while, he said if we went back in time he'd have done things differently, treated all four of us equally. I said that's good of you but doesn't make you entitled to my money now. He said he knows he's not entitled, that's why he's asking and promising to pay it back, I said the answer still is no, not entitled to a loan either.
My mum later told me I could have turned him down without being an asshole or bringing up childhood which he already feels guilty about. AITA? | Absolutely NTA. And I think you did turned him down without bringing up your childhood, but he kept pressuring you, so it’s totally understandable that you told the truth. |
I'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. I got very lucky in that I bought a home in the Bay Area nearly 30 years ago for around $230K before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1M.
I have a 23 year old daughter Camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. I've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. Who else would I give it to?
One important note - There are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as I have). Otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. The Bay Area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. My daughter is a hair stylist.
My fiance Steven and I have been together for 2 years. He has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who I adore and I'm excited to help raise them. Steven and I don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. I told him that I'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but I wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. It's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. He wasn't happy with this. He said that $1M split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. I disagree, I paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and Camila is my only child. She can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the Bay Area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split.
I spoke to Camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like I always planned on giving it to her. | NTA. You have been with this man 2 years and he is demanding that his kids receive an equal share of the home you paid for and raised your daughter in decades before he even existed for you? That's absurd.
If you're going to marry this man and merge finances with him, you need to speak to an attorney first and make sure your wishes you YOUR home will be followed in the event that anything should happen. But first you should ask yourself, if you have to go to great lengths to protect your child from his greed and entitlement, if marriage and merging finances is something you really want to do with this person. |
It's been a while since I last posted but a lot has happened so I figured I should update you.
Making this post has been an eye opener for me and I decided there and then that I was done. So thanks to everyone who told me what I desperately needed to hear.
I started gathering evidence which would allow me to leave relatively savely. After I had enough evidence I prepared to leave. I gathered all documents and secretly packed up some stuff for the kids and myself. I informed my parents and my brother about the situation. My parents immediately turned my brother's old room into the new kids room and my old room has never stopped being mine. I waited for my husband to be gone and then my brother picked us all up.
I left a message for my husband explaining that I wasn't coming back and that I'd be filing for divorce. I also told him about all the evidence so he wouldn't do anything stupid.
I've been at my parents' for nearly a week now. We have a carer who stays here 3 nights a week and I share the other 4 nights with both my parents. My dad is retired so he looks after the kids for a good portion of the day.
I have talked to a lawyer and she said I will likely get full custody.
My soon to be ex has left some nasty messages but hasn't shown up so I feel relatively safe. I don't think he will fight for custody since he was always disappointed that our daughter wasn't a son and our son isn't the strong little boy that he wanted either.
As of now I will stay with my parents. The kids are happy, my parents are happy and I had 7 hours of sleep last night. | For all those who are looking for the red flag comments in the previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g1ol4b/aita_for_taking_a_3_hour_nap_every_afternoon_and/fnioiuo?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share |
My sister and I have always had a strained relationship. I usually just let things go and try to keep the piece. We both have sons who are around the same age. My nephew is 13 and my son just turned 11. For my sons birthday I bought him the new gaming system he has been wanting. He was absolutely thrilled and he plays nonstop.
My sister is bad with money. I usually have to lend her money for bills and stuff for my nephew. I know my nephew doesn’t always get the best Christmas gifts so this year I went a little crazy and I purchased the same gaming system for him for Christmas. I already had it ready and wrapped under my tree.
Yesterday my sisters family came to visit. My son asked me if they could go play video games. I said yes and reminded them to be careful. About 30 minutes later my son comes running to me crying. I asked him what was wrong and he led me to the front hall. When we get to the stairs I see the new system smashed on the floor. Someone had thrown it from the upstairs and it was now smashed to pieces.
I asked my son what happened and he sobbed and pointed at his cousin. I asked my nephew if he did this and he started to laugh. He said that it was a “stupid baby toy” and that he saw people break them online.
My sister came in and I told her what happened. I explained that this was an expensive system and that her son needs to be disaplined for what he did. I told her I wanted her to pay for what her son broke.
She laughed and said no. She says I shouldn’t have let them play unsupervised. That it was my fault and that I am a bad parent. She said my son will get over it and that it was not important.
Seeing my son sitting on the ground next to his broken system trying to put the pieces back together tore my heart out. I walked over to the Christmas tree and grabbed the system that was meant for my nephew. I pulled the gift wrap off and it gave it to son and told him to go upstairs and set it up.
My sister asked me why I was making such a big deal when I had another one already. I than laughed and told her that was her sons Christmas gift. That since it wasn’t important and it was just a stupid baby toy than they obviously won’t miss it. I than told them to leave.
My nephew realized what happened and began to cry that my son had stole his system. I said no his was the one that he smashed. My sister was livid and told me that I will never see them again. I just said okay and slammed the door.
Other family members have now been calling me nonstop and saying I am an asshole and that I ruined my nephews Christmas. I don’t think so though. My nephew is 13. He is not a stupid kid and he knew what he was doing. I don’t care that it was over jealousy, he is old enough to know better. My sister was not going to make the situation right so I just did what I had to do.
They all think I should buy another new system for him but I don’t have that kind of money. I’m starting to feel bad about this and I am wondering AITA? | NTA, your sister's terrible parenting ruined her kid's Christmas.
Your nephew's jealousy ruined his own Christmas.
It's entirely possible that your sister has spun a lie to the extended family, so be sure the flying monkeys have the full story in your responses to them.
"What part of my nephew deliberately smashing my son's console, telling us he'd seen it done online and insulting the gaming system is acceptable in your eyes? How is my sister refusing to take responsibility for the damage or for disciplining her son acceptable in your eyes? I bought 2 consoles, my nephew deliberately smashed one, I won't be buying a third. If you think that sort of behaviour deserves to be rewarded, feel free to buy a console for nephew yourself". |
Subsets and Splits