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My brother in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce 10 months ago. He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia & Sloane18) with him a couple of months ago.
His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey 16) and she and her cousins aren't close but get along fine.
Olivia & Sloane have no respect for Zoey's privacy, none. they used to walk into her room and take everything they get their hands on. Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop etc. Zoey complained a lot and I've already asked the girls to respect Zoey's privacy and stop taking things. My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they're girls and this's typical teenage girls behavior. I completely disagreed.
Last straw was when Zoey bought a 60$ m.a.c makeup-kit that looks like a paintset that she saved up for over a month and one of the girls, Sloane took it without permission and ruined it by mixing shades together while using it. Don't know much about makeup but that's what Zoey said when she found the kit on her bed, and was crying.
I told my wife and she said she'd ask Sloane to apologize but I got Zoey a lock after I found she was moving valuable belongings out the house because of this incidence!!!
Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren't happy, the girls were extremely upset.
Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him. He said "my daughters aren't thieves!!! it's normal that girls of the same age borrow each others stuff" he said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from walmart and shouldn't even be buying expensive - adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this "defect" in Zoey's personality trying to appear older than she is.
He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement.
I told him this's between me and my wife but she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey's door for her cousins to see and preventing them from "spending time" with her saying I was supposed to treat them like daughters, then demanded I remove it but I said this lock does not get removed til her brother and his daughters are out of our house.
She got mad I was implying we kick them out and said her family'll hate me for this. so I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in which's something her OWN family refused to do so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their own son and nieces/granddaughters in. if it wasn't for her family's unwillingness to help we wouldn't be dealing with this much disturbance at home.
Everyone's been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this. | NTA. Don't back down. You are the only one sticking up for Zoey. If her cousins want to use expensive makeup, give them your wife's. I guarantee she won't appreciate sharing anymore.
They need to start behaving like appreciative guests. |
I’ve enjoyed reading and posting on this sub for many months now, and I feel like I’ve noticed a disconcerting trend, lately. Over time, more and more of the posts seem to have A- a universal consensus on every post, with any dissenters massively downvoted and B- a shift towards judgments that seem (to me at least) to be out of step with how people in the real world judge situations.
Given that, I think it’s important to remember that even though the sub is not intended to be for validation posts or to be an echo chamber or to give advice on how people should behave in specific situations- in practice, a lot of times it is.
So just as a reminder- offline, people in your real life will think you’re an asshole if you take the last cookie when you know the child behind you wants it.
They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t stand up for an elderly person on a bus. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t go out for drinks with your co-workers once in a while. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t try to be involved in your child’s life, no matter how much support you pay. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t help out your brother with babysitting once in a while, even if you’re childfree. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you wear nothing but underwear in your own home when your roommate has guests over. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t detour for 10 minutes a day to carpool with a co-worker for a week while his car is in the shop.
The internet has its own values, and that’s fine. But in the real world, people who can’t just go along to get along most of the time? People who don’t want to mildly inconvenience themselves to help out the people around them? People who don’t seem to put any stock into the idea of collectivism? The people around them are going to consider them to be assholes.
So yeah. I love this sub, I love reading the stories and I find it very interesting to hear people’s opinions. But I personally think that probably more than 50% of the time, the people I know in real life would disagree with the sub’s judgement of who’s the asshole in a given situation. I don’t know if the disparity is just because of reddit’s demographics, or because people with alternate perspectives see the writing on the board and don’t want to get down voted to oblivion.
So even if you get 4000 replies on reddit saying that you’re totally in the right, if everyone in your real life thinks you’re an asshole, well… there’s probably a reason for that. And maybe this is just me, but I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an asshole if they’re being inconsiderate or selfish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything.
Or maybe you believe that people offline are wrong, and we should continue to promote the individualistic value system seen on reddit both on and offline. That's a discussion worth having too.
Edit: Thanks guys, this is very interesting discussion so far. And lol don't just downvote the people who disagree with me/you, engage them without being combative.
Edit 2: I’ve never seen this movie, but it’s come to my attention that there already exists in this world an excellent TL,DR: “You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole” | people here are too hung up on things that they're technically or legally allowed to do, often at the expense of socially acceptable behavior |
I'm back like I said I would be,. My [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awyi8k/aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap_sister/) got a lot of attention and seeing as you guys seem interested, here's my update.
Well, since that day I made the post i've been staying with my grandfather. The week's been honestly a huge change for me for better and for worse but i'll try to run it down.
I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister. My grandpa told me some things that I don't feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is "supposed" to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others. With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them. It didn't end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a "caretaker" that doesn't exist.
Suffice to say, this week has been rough. But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i've felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week "making up for the time i've lost." Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do. My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week.
Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize. My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying "You were put here to be her caretaker". I won't lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker. The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before.
Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I'm not going back. Later today i'm going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i'm planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on. My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home.
I won't be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass. The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i've learned something that I wished I saw earlier. I don't hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave.
So, there's my update. Thanks again for the support my original post got. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to comment or show me support. Thanks you.
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Edit: Thank you all so much! I wish I could respond to every single one of you but my lunch only lasts so long. I'll update tonight how the move out went but until then, thank you all. I want to say that your support has been amazing and your kindness means more to me than anyone could ever imagine.
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Late edit: Wow, I never imagined my story would reach the popularity it did. I know it's kinda cliche and i've said it a thousand times but thank you all.
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We just got back from moving my things out of my parents house. Every thing I wanted to take my grandpa and uncle helped move and it's at my grandpa's house now. I have my birth certificate, social security card, and every other document and record I could think of. My parents were quiet the whole time I was there. Shorty after I arrived my dad left with my sister and my mom only hovered over us silently as me moved. It took a while but as we left she broke down and told me she loved me and would miss me. I hugged her and said goodbye, and that was it. Even now I sit here and think if she really meant it. After this whole week of her not saying anything she waited till the end. I hope she meant it. Right now though, I think I just need to look ahead. Maybe one day me and my parents can reconnect. I hope so.
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Thank you all for the advice and love. It's been amazing and i'm glad that through this experience I at least got some positive out of this mess. Will I come back? I don't know. If something happens and you guys still want an update i'll maybe come around again. But for now I'm going to move on. For all those out there who shared their stories with me, thank you, and I hope to see you on the other side. See you space cowboy's :) | Wow. OP's grandfather is a saint. |
I'll try to keep this short. I had a [1967 Impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/HLBPpTF.jpg) that I bought in Feb 2019. A couple months ago I bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. I moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. I had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. About two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. She wants to park in the garage but I have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. I tell her tough luck its my house and its not like I can just throw it back together real quick. Anyways I was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company I work for. When I got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. Making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. I though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then I realized that I didn't see her car in it's usual spot. I asked her where she parked so I could make sure I mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. I asked how and she told me to go check it out. Turns out that while I was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. I told her that I was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like I was being dramatic. I told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. I admit I was a really angry but I did end up getting a lawyer, and as I have all the receipts for all that money spent and I have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all I think I can win. Her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money I spent, and that I should just let it go. But I have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if I am not going to get justice for what she did. AITA
Edit: Thank you all so much for the support and awards and everything. I'm glad I have some people on my side. I got a call from her mom about 20 minutes ago and she told me that i was ruining her daughter's life over a stupid car. I told her she ruined her own life. I've been gathering documentation and stuff and I'm about to head down to the police station and file a report, as suggested by lots here. Once again thank you all
UPDATE : went to the police station last night, was told to come back in the morning. just got back and filed an official report against her for grand larceny and grand theft auto. i showed them all the receipts i had for the car and the footage of her letting the guys come and take it as well as the title for the vehicle in my name. they said they will be in contact with all 3 parties (me, ex gf, and junkyard guys) soon and they will hopefully be able to recover some or all of the car. just have to wait now
HUGE UPDATE : THEY FOUND MY GODDAMN CAR!! the junkyard guys apparently were in the middle of hiding it when the police came to ask them questions. it was on a forklift and they were gonna put it on top of a pile of cars that was hidden behind more piles of cars. they said it was theirs and they had the title, but obviously didnt have the title for it and since they matched the vin on the chassis and body to the vin on my title, it was obviously mine. I know at least one person there has been arrested, i think he was in the camera footage i talked about earlier but idk if it was the boss or whomever or even his specific charge, they also told me they would be looking into this specific junkyard for any other vehicles reported stolen. they said they haven't been able to get in contact with my ex just yet but they're working on it. im just so glad they found my car. luckily i made quite an album of pictures detailing me tearing down the car and so i can use that to prove what parts they had were mine so i can hopefully get most or all of it back. police haven't let me take it back home yet as they say it is evidence or something so hopefully i can get it back eventually. thank you all so much for the support and advice! SHES GONNA BE ALRIGHT | NTA - sue her ass. Sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. Have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. Nail them all to the wall. |
I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented. Everyone’s comments were appreciated, including those that were less than pleasant.
Since I received such great advice on my original post, I felt like I had an obligation to update. And I’m trying to follow through on all aspects of my life, even internet ones.
The funeral service was held this past Thursday. Before then, I brought all the advice I received online and brought it to the real world and talked to both my therapist and sponsor about how I was feeling and what I should do.
My sponsor was straight with me and told me that I would be putting myself in danger by going and that I should do something else that day to grieve.
When Thursday rolled around, I was a mess. I seriously considered both just going to the funeral or using again but instead I grabbed my dog and we went on a road trip.
We went to the beach and just hung out the two of us.
I’m doing okay this week, but obviously am still not doing great.
I haven’t reached out to any of Marcy’s family and I don’t plan to. I understand now how devastating that would be.
That’s it. Take care everyone. | We've chosen to lock this update due to the high volume of rule violating comments in the [original post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cg1u8p/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_the_funeral_of_a_girl/) We felt this update should be shared because we appreciate when an "asshole" takes our community's feedback into consideration to right their wrongs, and we regret that we can't allow a conversation here.
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[https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline) |
I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My coworkers who work weekends are:
James - the owners son, he goes to my school. He's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.
Danielle - A college student who sometimes works weekends too.
So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. Like literally blow up about nothing. I dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... Like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.
So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.
So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... Which I couldn't do a thing about because I gave it to him right out of the machine.
So James came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. So he was just like "OP, this is unacceptable, you're fired."
I started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, I need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.
The angry guy started to backtrack, like "It isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it" and James was like "No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"
Of course after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting. And we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or I, James will storm in and "fire" us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.
Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.
AITA for this joke? | NTA That's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers.
Edit: my gosh, thank you for the silver!
Edit 2: Gold!! You are too kind! |
I am a nurse practitioner and I am the primary care provider for a lot of the low risk maternity cases at the practice where I work. I also work hand in hand with the doctors and midwives to create a healthy maternity, birth, and postpartum situation.
My fiancee is completing her residency. We live together and have for a few years now. We aren't in any hurry to get married. We originally had plans to do so a couple of years ago but then we got really busy for two years.
It is driving my very religious parents crazy that their youngest son is living in sin. I don't really care. I'm an adult and I do what I want. We are getting married in June.
So we are visiting my parents for Christmas. The way it came together this year everyone is at my parents house. So that's my folks, my three siblings, myself and fiancee, and seven grandchildren. So seventeen people.
At dinner my mom starts going on about how she is so glad that we are finally getting married and she won't be embarrassed at church any more. And my dad says how proud he is of his three older kids who all either waited to get married before moving in together or got married right away after moving in together. My fiancee was getting embarrassed and I was getting mad over this stupid argument we have had too many times. And a family dinner was the last straw.
I have asked them repeatedly to just accept that they cannot control how I live my life. I refuse to stay with them when I visit even if I come alone. Hotels are just easier.
So I started talking about a premature baby I had been reading about. It was almost three months premature and weighed about 1.6 pounds. It was super strong and healthy for being born so little and the NICU had high hopes for the baby doing well.
My mom and dad both got deer in the headlights looks on their faces. To bad. Should not have fucked around with my fiancee's feelings.
So I asked about my oldest brother. He was born almost four months premature. Is there a chance that we could check out the family album where we keep all the records of family births and stuff.
I already know my brother was over 9 pounds and almost 23" long when he was born. My grandmother told me all about it the first time my parents tried to shame me.
The subject gets changed very fast. After supper my parents told me that I should not try to embarrass them with private things that are not my concern. I told them that if I heard anything about my living arrangements ever again for the rest of my life I would make sure to keep bringing up the FACT that my mom was in her second trimester when they got married.
My parents are mad at me for telling them how to behave in their own home. But my fiancee is happy that they seem to be off the subject for good.
AITA? | NTA. That was beautifully handled. You didn't call them out and embarrass them. But you stood your ground. I did laugh out loud when you said where you got your blackmail information. Grandma had that in her pocket for a long time I'm guessing. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a great New Year. |
Hello, everyone. First of all, thank you all for the kind words, support and love that everyone has offered and given. These weeks have been the most difficult I have ever experienced and it is with great sadness that I tell you all that my beautiful and cat crazy wife, has passed. I've had to cut this short due to character limits, sorry all. But, she did leave all of you a note, Reddit. I've copied everything verbatim below. She truly loved everyone and was smiling so much after her first post. I'll take my leave here. Much love.
"Reddit! If you're reading this, I am dead. Pretty crazy to be talking to a dead person, eh? It feels a bit strange to be writing this. If this feels a bit disconnected, I'm sorry. I have to take frequent breaks as I get tired pretty quickly now. My husband offered to write these words (such a sweet ham, I know. Be nice to him, okay?). But, I wanted my last words to be written by me. Long story short, we talked to my parents. A lot of people asked about why my husband wasn't planning the funeral and my parents were taking control. Honestly, my parents didn't take the news of my passing to come well and I suppose their closure(?) was to try and take control of what they could. I'm not angry at them for it, I understand. They had already pre-paid a large portion of the service and to put it plain and simple, it was a shit hand they were dealt. So, we talked to them. I laid it all out for them and somehow, we reached a compromise. Lots of tears. Lots of hugs. And surprisingly, lots of laughs. They admitted that they had been losing their faith with everything that had happened and their way to attempt to find it again was to take control and "guide me" into the afterlife. Not my thing though and I explained that I am not them, but their daughter who wanted to live her last weeks in peace, not the turmoil they were putting me through. And while a lot of people stated that funerals are for the living (true true), I firmly believe that a funeral is for the living to remember that person as WHO they were, not what anyone else wanted them to be. My parents seemed to understand when I told them that. They were not on board with the party favor aspect though, kind of a bummer. Pretty lucky to plan my own funeral, honestly. But, now that that is all said and done! Thank you, guys. I was blown away by the responses.I was moved to tears and I wish I had had the chance to meet every single one of you. You all be good now, ight? Take it one day at a time and fucking enjoy yourself! You only get one life, unless you're someone who has survived death than you're just a fucking hero and probably a cat with a few lives to spare. I love you all. I'm resting easy now. This disease sucks and I'm happy to be rid of it. And laugh and love and cry and be sad. Shit happens. I've got to go now, I'm gonna go snuggle my husband and my cats. Keep it real, Reddit. Love you, all!" | Gave **Original** |
Note. My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born.
Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you”. Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.”
That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.” My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.”
I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA?
Edit: I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent.
Mini Update: I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good. | ESH, but that was one hell of a joke and I congratulate you for it. |
I have a sister that’s 6 years older than me.
My parents for years cancel on me last min because of my sister. I have a basketball game. Ops sorry sister doesn’t feel like going out. I am graduating ops sorry sister had a bad day at work. They have missed both major and smaller events in my life because of her melt downs.
I met the love of my life. We decided to tie the knot. From the beginning I told my parents how I am worried my sister will ruin another special moment in my life. My mom told me over and over again it would not happen.
The day of my wedding. I received a voicemail from my mom saying they couldn’t come because my sisters dog was sick and she was upset.
I was hurt, my best man however is a jokester. He took my phone then went to my fiancé and asked if he could post a video of our wedding as a gift? On social media. She loved his idea.
I had no idea about it until I came home. Our honeymoon was at a lake side cabin. No cell service.
The post caption was “My best friend. He is an amazing person even if his parents NEVER showed up for him. video was still pictures of us next to her parents, me on the dance floor, cutting the cake. Where you would normally see both parents in wedding pictures. The sound behind the video was my moms voice mail explaining how they couldn’t come because my sisters dog was sick.
I came home a week later to hundreds of messages.
Family members from both sides insisting I take it down. I was told my sister hasn’t stopped crying. My mom is refusing to leave the house.
I maybe the A here. I didn’t take it down when I got my messages. I didn’t call my family back right away. I waited until my vacation time was over at work and enjoyed my time with my Wife. In our new home. Before I contacted anyone.
My dad told me to take down the video. It was “just a bad night for them”. That they will make it up to me and my wife for not coming. My reply was exactly how do you plan to “make up” my wedding? It’s a once in a life time thing. You choose to ignore my feeling on the whole matter.
Then he just repeated he will make it up to me. I told him I would take down the video only when he made up missing my wedding. Flustered we both hung up the phone before we both said things we shouldn’t have.
Am I the A here. I could have just taken down the video. | **NTA. The truth hurts sometimes and your parents & sister just got whammied! Your friend is AWESOME. Please leave the video up!**
\*Edit\* Thanks so much for the awards! |
We had a family dinner this evening. My family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29F), younger sister (24F) and youngest brother (22M).
Extended family attended our family dinner. So all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. During the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. My sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. The two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up.
Eventually my sister got really fed up and said “Shut up, I’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” My brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. I think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk.
Anyway, I immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. She replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. This annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this.
So I responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? Turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, I genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past.
Family is blaming me for their marital problems. I refuse to accept I did anything wrong. My sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all I did was give her a taste of her own medicine. | ESH One person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with. |
I’ve become frustrated with how quick a lot of AITA commenters are to encourage OP’s to leave their partners when a challenging experience is posted. While leaving a partner is a necessary action in some cases, just flippantly ending a relationship because conflicts arise is not only a dangerous thing to recommend to others, but it deprives people of the challenges necessary to grow and evolve as emotionally intelligent adults.
When we muster the courage to face our relationship problems, and not run away, we develop deeper capacities for Love, Empathy, Understanding, and Communication. These capacities are absolutely critical for us as a generation to grow into mature, capable, and sensitive adults.
Encouraging people to exit relationships at the first sign of trouble is dangerous and immature, and a byproduct of our “throw-away” consumer society. I often get a feeling that many commenters don’t have enough relationship experience to be giving such advise in the first place.
Please think twice before encouraging people to make drastic changes to their relationships; we should be encouraging greater communication and empathy as the first response to most conflicts. | Sometimes I'm surprised by how quickly people jump to "leave him/her" in the comments. But I believe many are speaking from personal experience, like they've been through some shit and they see the red flags in OPs situation that maybe they missed in their own, and are hoping to spare OP pain down the road. |
About a week ago, my (39F) family ordered Chinese food for delivery. When the delivery driver came to the door, my daughter (16F) was taking the cat upstairs to put in her room because he always tries to eat the food. My son (13M) loudly says, “Make sure the hide the cat from the Chinese guy!” as I am at the door getting the food from the Chinese delivery driver. He very obviously heard what my son said and was upset by it. I quickly apologized and took the food.
I told my son that racist jokes were completely unacceptable and very wrong and he refused to admit that he was in the wrong. So, later that night I forced my son to write a sincere apology to the delivery driver, (his name was on the receipt) as well as write a one page paper on Chinese culture and a one page paper on why racism is perpetuated by racist jokes and stereotypes. Then the next day I took him to the restaurant and had him read his apology aloud to the delivery driver as well as give him the papers he wrote. The driver was very appreciative of the apology and thanked me for making my son do it. He then told my son about multiple instances where he had faced racist comments and attacks from people while he was a delivery driver.
That night my husband (43M) and I got into an argument about me making our son do this. He told me that it was embarrassing for our son to have to do the apology and that the “punishment didn’t fit the crime”. I told him that it was much more embarrassing for the driver to have to face that kind of racism and racist stereotypes and that our son would get over the embarrassment. I do not condone any kind of hateful thinking in my house, and the fact that my son said that embarrassed me as well. My husband told me that it was “just a joke” and it wasn’t that big of a deal. I feel like I might have over reacted some but I think it’s important to help my son understand how what he said was wrong and hurtful. | NTA. Sounds like your husband could use the lesson too. |
Hello!.
I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.
So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday.
Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is til this day.
In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaniously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage.
regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just....made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.
All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done.
Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but...at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's seperation and divorce.
A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it. | I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm also so very, very, very proud of you. You are standing up for yourself. Putting yourself first. Looking into the future and making sure it will be what you want it to be. I wish you the best of luck. Give the doggo the biggest of hugs and lots of pets. |
Dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but I’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one.
We’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural Midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. This year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and I jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. We learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, I adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc.
None of this has been a problem for me until recently. She saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then I rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. She exploded in anger (teen years, I’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, I know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was HER pan for vegan food. I was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not YOUR pan.
She asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. I didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so I said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. The reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that I’m not to touch them unless I’m cooking vegan.
That wasn’t good enough. Now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because I eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. I don’t mean I literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because I wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter.
frankly I’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. My wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. My daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. Now I’m sorry for her, but I feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because I’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house. | NTA. Get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher. |
So it was my birthday couple months ago. Had a party. Got some gifts. My friend “Mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. I liked it. Said thanks. She had ripped the tags off but whatever.
Anyway. Went to the community pool with my roommate. Wore bikini. Got in the water. Roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... I look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru.
Haha good joke Mandy.
Anyway, Mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. Most leave and we’re still hanging out. I’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? I go change after them. And meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. I hop in. Immediately, he’s looking at my chest. I pretend I don’t notice and just make small talk. She comes out a few min after. And just looks in shock. Eventually gets in. “Uhh is that the one I bought?” Yeah I love it. I wear it everywhere. Make up some stuff about how I wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”.
We’re in the tub for 20-30. Eventually get out and change. She approached me after and was like. “Uhm I’m sorry thought you’d notice. But it goes kinda see thru”. I’m like yeah I know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “She’s like it’s a joke. Wait you knew? So you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” I reply I’m just wearing my birthday gift from her.
Anyway. Aita? | NTA
WELL PLAYED!!!
You deserve an award, but I’m broke. So here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇
EDIT:
Thanks for the award!
EDIT 2:
Thanks for the awards. Yes, I have now been able to give OP an award. Happy days and awesome sauce to all!! |
I was over my boyfriend's apartment this weekend and I was cooking dinner because he was studying for exams. I made pasta and a chunky sauce with meatballs and veggies. I told him dinner was ready and he goes "what's for dinner tonight, B*TCH" ... With like a lot of emphasis on the last word.
I was fed up, I'd had a pretty rough day with work and I have some awfully bad associations with that word being used by other people in my life who were pretty abusive. So I was so irritated that I dropped the pot of pasta sauce I'd been carrying right on the ground and was like "Well nothing's for dinner tonight now. And I better not hear you using that word again, it's for the girls"
He was freaking out about how sauce had landed on his rug and he even said "you're seriously acting like a bitch right now, I dunno what else to call it"
I just walked out and got takeout for myself and went to my friends house. She thought it was funny but my boyfriend was furious, he kept texting and calling and sending me voice memos trying to explain that saying "what's for dinner tonight b*tch" was a TikTok trend.... And that he was just quoting something as a joke to put on tiktok.
I thought that was the shittiest excuse ever, it doesn't matter if he saw it as a joke, or stole the "joke", it was still disrespectful.
But it didn't change the fact he thought that shit was funny, to demean me when I was trying to do him a favor. Like hell I came over when he was studying to make a home cooked dinner and he decides it's time for jokes? So I put my phone on don't disturb for the night and split a bottle of wine with my friend and her roommate.
The next morning he was sending me angry texts demanding I clean his rug because he was too busy with exams to do it. I was shocked he left it overnight, that's disgusting. I texted him back saying.
"Yeah so that's the b*tch tax honey :) leave me alone till you're ready to handle your own cooking and cleaning because this b*tch isn't anymore. Also it's vile you left that soaking in all night"
He called me and told me that he was okay with doing his own household work, but I did throw a full pot of sauce at the ground so that's on me to clean up.
I told him "yeah no I'm not comfortable doing chores for you if you see me like your b*tch"
He told me he didn't and it was just a "trend" and I got pissed off he was playing that "TikTok trend" BS excuse again and I told him "Well I'm starting a trend called 'saucing' where as a little joke people throw pasta sauce around! You can't be mad because it's just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank bro!"
He got really pissed off and hung up on me and now I'm seriously wondering if this dumb fucking tiktok joke is gonna be the end of things between us
AITA for how I reacted when my boyfriend asked me "what's for dinner tonight, b*tch"
Edit to address a comment I've gotten a lot and I don't have time to reply to every time:
> "But did you tell him not to call you a bitch? Like how would he know otherwise?"
Honestly if someone has gotten to the age of 30 and not realized that women (as a whole) do not like having demeaning slurs used against them... They're beyond my help.
This isn't something that needs to be told. I shouldn't have to go through life like "Hey man just in case you were thinking I might like demeaning slurs against my gender used on me, I don't actually :)"
And if you were about to comment something like that, let me just tell you in no uncertain terms... WOMEN DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED BITCHES BY MEN. DO NOT CALL WOMEN BITCHES. IF YOU NEEDED TO BE TOLD THAT IS UNKIND, CONSIDER YOURSELF OFFICIALLY TOLD. NOW YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT "UNDERSTAND" | NTA
>"Well I'm starting a trend called 'saucing' where as a little joke people throw pasta sauce around! You can't be mad because it's just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank bro!"
Absolutely iconic. |
Context: My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister's life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inhertance to get new cars and renovate her house
I live with my aunt right now cause my brother inlaw didn't let me stay with my sister. I'm planning on using my inhertance money to pay for college tuition (I've always wanted to be doctor but haven't decided which branch yet).
My sister & I haven't been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his llness and make a scene at his funeral.
only because he's ill and shouldn't be held accountable for his behavior.
I've distanced myself But my sister kept visiting alot lately venting about my brother inlaws condition. He's been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need for a surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband's surgery and she'd pay back in less than a year. I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inhertance which is a large amount then there's no gurantee she'll pay back before It's time to apply for college. I'm taking a year gap but I know my sister can't pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future.
I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt's house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband's health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone's health and asked if I'd be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father.
My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband's poor health isn't my fault after she kept blaming and guiltriping me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permenant damage in my relationship with my sister if I don't help her now.
She's been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish not good aunt and sister. I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I'll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school. | >he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I'll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.
You're friend is correct. You'll never get the money back because sis isn't willing to give up her luxurious lifestyle. She chose how to spend her inheritance, didn't save for a rainy day and isn't entitled to yours because of her poor financial planning. NTA. |
I F30 don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyied her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.
So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country - tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatim. said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say "FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her".
Things got quieter, suspeciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn't respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there "anyway" and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.
I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it's ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.
Did I really overreact? | I don’t wanna call the divorce card but.. divorce. You told your boundaries, you said no. She crossed it. Your husband told you he would tell her no, he lied. He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap?? And then to berate you?? He’s not a good man. He needs to go.
NTA |
So, Ever since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body. He never says any hurtful words but I find his "observations" as he calls it hurtful. For example, he'd see me wearing an old top and say "oh that top used to look good on you but not anymore though..." or when he looks at my waist and says "Wow, didn't know your waist could get this wide!". Basically passive stuff that I tried to ignore til it extended to friends and family. FYI this went on for months and months and months!!.
We went to christmas celebration at his family's home. My SIL complimented my floral maxi dress and my husband said "I agree it looks nice on you...though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!". Awkward silence took over. I was absolutely fuming and this was my last straw. So I got up from my chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of my lungs "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY BODDDYYY!!!!". He was absolutely speechless as his family stared while some others tried to get me to calm down but situation got more tense and dinner ended up being cut short and my husband storming off to his friend's place to spend the night upon leaving a very nasty text saying I embarrassed him and made a scene over an "observation" he made. He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family.
Now I feel like an absolute idiot asshole and like I ruined christmas for him and everybody with my over sensitivity. AITA?? | I think the last thing your husband really wants is for you to "get therapy". If you do, you'll discover that he is an emotionally abusive bully and stop feeling guilty for refusing to put up with his BS.
NTA, but your husband is. Do as he recommended and get therapy so that you can regain the self confidence he has eroded with his cruel "observations". |
I'm a 45yro single father of three. Theur mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons, 17yro Andrew, 15yro Connor and 14yro Max. Connor was born female, he is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago, and has now socially transitioned, not yet phisically.
My sister (38F) just got married. Me and my sons were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it.
Her wedding was really super well organised to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses. I textednher a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said "where's Nia's dress?". I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he'll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of men there or we aren't coming. She said "fine" and that was it.
At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie, but didn't say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card "Nia". I went to my sister and she said she used "their real name". I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me "don't you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day". I called her a bigot and we left.
My family says I ruined her wedding. | He can be a man any other day?! What a ridiculous thing to say. Well, sister theoretically could be an AH any other day too yet here we are. NTA. Good on you for standing up to her in support of your son.
Edit: thanks for the awards y'all! |
(reposted with mod approval)
Original post:
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/
TL;DR: Things turned out well for everyone involved.
Peggy reached out to me yesterday, apologized, and asked if we could meet for lunch.
We met up, and the first thing she did was apologize again. For the no call/no show, and also for her reaction to my response. She admitted that she knows I'm not sexist, or "ableist" (IDK if I spelled that right, there's a red line under it), and explained that she was lashing out due to her mental state.
I accepted her apology, and offered one of my own. Both for giving her too much responsibility too quickly, and also for reacting out of emotion.
She explained to me that she had a major issue on Monday, and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that it was the anniversary of a bad thing.
She's taking all of her accumulated PTO (~9 weeks), and we've agreed that going forward, I'm not going to put her on the schedule on that day ever again.
She's admitted that she's not up to the role of manager. When she returns, she will be in the role of lead cashier, a role I created specifically for her. This way she can keep her raise, and not feel like she got a "demotion", but rather a lateral transfer. I've also let her know that if she ever feels like she's up to more responsibility, she can let me know, and I'll put her right back on track for the manager spot.
I've also let her know that if she's ever in a position where she's not able to call out, she can simply text me a thumbs down emoji, and I will accept that as notice that she will be missing her next shift. She's agreed that that will be ok, even when she's "out of spoons".
I appreciate all of the ~6000 comments my post got, even the ones calling me TA. Thank you all very much. I want to specifically address the folks who explained "spoon theory" to me, as well as those who commented about "peter principle", those two types of comments very heavily influenced my actions. I was able to better understand both her issue, and my own failures as a leader because of those comments.
Hopefully we can both move forward from this unfortunate incident and end up better for it. | We love a good outcome on this sub. Especially when both parties communicate what's going on and they're listened to |
I f32 recently inherited a good amount of money from my mom. I keep the money in a seperate account as I still haven't decided what to do with it and I didn't want it to go to waste.
I noticed my husband constantly bringing up the inheritance money and making countless suggestions as to how I should spend it. Another thing is that he expects me pay for nearly everything the past couple of weeks.
For NYE, My husband and I met up with his family at a restaurant to celebrate. It was going fine until I found out that I was expected to pay for everyone at the table. My husband's mom joked about paying for dinner out of my " inheritance pocket" which made me livid but I showed no reaction. Just silently paid for my own food/drinks. Then got up and made my way out of the restaurant. They were shouting after me like a crowd and my husband tried to get me to come back but I drove home.
He got back at 3 a.m yeling at me saying I was pathetic to get up and walk out on him and his family after they *relied* on me to pay for their food and thougt I was gracious enough to do it BUT they were wrong. He said I humiliated him and family and that what I did was an attempt to get back at them for not being able to help mom when she was sick. Not true is all I'm gonna say.
He is mad and is saying that I caused a huge rift between his family and me when it wouldn't have hurt me to pay for the celebratory dinner.
AITA? | So let me get this straight.
Your mother died after an illness and the thing your in-laws take from this is "great, now she can pay for everything".
Yeah, NTA |
Link to original post- [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita\_for\_not\_sharing\_medical\_history\_before\_being/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita_for_not_sharing_medical_history_before_being/)
Heyo! I had a few folks message me over the last couple of months, the latest tonight. I touches me that so many of you still message me to see if things are going well, so I wanted to update people en masse.
Life is going phenomenally. I axed the friend group, and have since been kicking butt. I realized that if my close friend group was consistently putting me down or taking advantage of me, who else could be. The biggest answer was myself. I stopped doing things I enjoyed to invest in people that took joy in hurting me (Turns out it went so much deeper than gas lighting).
I got two new hobbies, wood working and brewing. I absolutely love them both, and have made friends in those communities. I started cooking instead of take out and I met the woman who is now my girlfriend at the local market and we do most things together now. I realized my job had been taking a huge advantage over me. I worked significantly harder and longer hours for less pay than the employees under me.
After I transitioned to taking better care of myself I successfully created a resume that outlined my successes (Recognizing those successes took quite a bit of effort!) and got a new job in higher management for significantly more pay. I'm also going to buy a house this December with a yard for my dog and I. Nothing big, just a nice one bedroom with a large yard for my buddy and I to play fetch in.
So thanks Reddit. Owe you one. Never would have made life improvement if it weren't for an external force. | Wow! I absolutely remember your original post as someone else who struggles with mental illnesses! They were so completely out of line, but never forget who got you out of that dangerous situation, YOU. You have been working on living a stable life long enough to know that something was off and your health was number one! Keep realizing your worth and living a kick ass life! |
So my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. She was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. She was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her.
I tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. He said no. And my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. I spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. Which is fair enough.
He said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. My son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc.
Last week, he told us she’s dumped him. I went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. Me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son.
I confessed to them both that I actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. He did not treat her properly and I hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. I said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time.
Wife and son are very upset that I said this. Very very upset and my wife says I am being horrible.
AITA? I stand by what I said. | NTA. That's the truth.
What age is he? Edit: you say he's 24 in another comment. Definitely not the asshole. If he is this lazy and has no plans to travel, what's his plan for leaving the house? Living with parents is great to save money but he doesn't seem the type so far to actually get up and get out eventually. |
**TL;DR at bottom**
For context: I've been married to my wife for ~10 years and we're a mixed-race couple (I'm Asian and she's Caucasian). I've gotten along with her family (MIL, BIL, SIL), but I always felt like her FIL and other SIL (Sarah) never liked me.
I'm a professionally trained chef with 15+ years of experience and I work at a high-end Chinese restaurant (a spin-off of a popular one in Beijing) in a large US city. My crew and I have won several awards, and I've been explicitly told I'll be the next executive chef. Sarah is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale French restaurant in the city. She constantly brags about it and (no joke) compares herself out loud to Ramsay and Bourdain.
Whenever I'm at my MIL and FIL's house and helping out in the kitchen, Sarah is *always* criticizing everything I do. Whether it's chopping, braising, marinating, etc., she always butts in with comments like "Umm, I think you should actually do X like this...". I've been patient for my wife and side stepping those comments, saying things like "Thanks, but I think I'll stick to the way I do it."
Things came to a head two weeks ago when my wife, FIL, MIL, and I were in her parent's kitchen prepping dinner for my MIL's birthday. We were running a bit behind so things were heated (which I kind of like because it reminded me of work) and that's when Sarah walked in. She took one look at what I was doing, scoffed, and said something like "Oh wow, okay, so that's not the right way of doing things". It hit a nerve and I pretty sternly told her to stop criticizing my cooking and that I'm also a chef like her. She laughed and said "making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn't count". The kitchen went silent, FIL snorted/chuckled, and my MIL yelled "SARAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU". I stopped what I was doing, swore at her and called her "a racist piece of shit", apologized to my MIL for not being able to stay, and left for home with my wife.
Apparently this caused a massive fight after we left, with my MIL/BIL/other SIL taking my side and my FIL/Sarah saying "it was a joke but kind of true" and that I was "being too sensitive". The extended family somehow got wind of this and now everyone is arguing and taking sides, with my wife even getting texts from some her cousins apologizing for Sarah's behavior. Despite being on my side, my wife is begging me to apologize so that the fighting will stop but I refuse to because fuck Sarah and her blatant racism.
AITA?
**TL;DR:** I'm a chef working at upscale Chinese resto, my SIL is a chef at upscale French resto. She's critical of my cooking skills and has now called it "making Kung Pao chicken at a Chinese restaurant". Family at war, wife begging me to apologize, what do?
**EDIT:** My wife has also informed me that now Sarah may be in trouble at work and she's blaming me for it. Apparently one of her co-workers heard her rant about what happened and reported it to management. (Edit: To clarify Sarah is blaming me, though my wife is partly blaming me)
**EDIT2/UPDATE:** So it looks like one of my wife's cousins found this post and put it on Sarah's Facebook wall going "This is you right?...". Her FB friends are starting to comment with things like "If this is you Sarah then I'm disappointed". I think Sarah's still at work - shit might be hitting the fan soon and now my wife is pissed too. Will try to update but might have to delete post if things go nuclear
**EDIT3/UPDATE2:** Was considering removing but I just got a voicemail from my FIL that "[my] presence was only being tolerated up until this point" and threatened a "world of hurt" if I didn't delete this post. Officially going to keep this post up and if you're still reading this Doug - I'm very disappointed in you, you're better than this. Will also continue to update and thanks again for all your support folks
**EDIT4/UPDATE3:** *Lots of stuff just went down*
1. My wife got a call from SIL. (From wife's paraphrasing) Sarah started screaming/crying at her the moment my wife picked up and said that she just got demoted because of "[her] {Asian slur} husband". Apparently some of her co-workers have her on FB and showed the post to management, which combined with her earlier rant, double whammied her back to being a line cook and now she might get fired. My wife told her to go fuck herself and is now solidly on my side after taking the verbal abuse from Sarah and reading some of the comments here. My wife is still the opposite of happy though...
2. Wife called MIL and asked her WTF was going on with FIL. MIL was confused so my wife played back the voicemail I had on my phone and apparently my MIL literally just walked away from the phone without hanging up and started screaming at FIL.
3. Facebook post has now devolved into a clusterfuck flame war with family and friends jumping in.
Suffice to say, it has officialy gone nuclear
[Me right now](https://i.imgur.com/8QnGdHK.gifv)
I think I'm going to have to call this a day, will make an update post when the dust settles. Thanks again folks
**EDIT5/UPDATE4:**
Turns out I'm not allowed to post an update post for some reason:
> No, you provided all your updates in the original post with your many, many edits. You can edit this in, but we will not be allowing a standalone update on this.
*I'd like to clarify that I got my wife and MIL's permissions to post this update (out respect for them and their privacy)*
Suffice to say, it's been kind of nuts this past week. My wife and I had to turn off social media for a bit because of the shitstorm caused by her cousin putting my last post on Sarah's Facebook page. Some people even tried to call the restaurant I work at to get me fired as retribution, but luckily everyone there is 100% on my side (or as my boss put it "Fuck [Sarah], fuck those racists, fuck them so goddamn much"). I guess it didn't help them that half the calls involved threats, screaming, and more racial slurs.
We didn't hear any updates from her family, even though we assumed the shit met fan after MIL found out about FIL's threatening voicemail (*still disappointed in you Doug*). But that changed on Sunday night, when MIL suddenly showed up at our door with overnight bags. After we took a moment to help unpack and calm down, she spilled the beans on everything.
**FIL (aka Doug)**
Apparently my MIL and FIL were already having trouble in their marriage, and it was only made worse with a certain 2016 Presidential election (she's a Dem, and he had apparently gone more far-right since then). Seems that a line was crossed with the "Kung Pao Incident" and his voicemail. When he refused to apologize for anything (typical Doug), she asked for a divorce and he went beserk. She didn't feel safe there so that's when she came over (other BIL and SIL live out of town).
**Extended Family (aka The Great FB War of 2021)**
You may have been able to tell already, but the extended family was largely arguing/fighting/divided along political lines for a few years now and my cousin's FB post was likely just the light to set off the powder keg. According to my MIL, the fallout has allegedly already led to some break-ups, excommunication of some family members, and even an argument that ended with police involvement. Haven't verified this myself though.
**Sarah / SIL**
According to my MIL, Sarah came over to her place on Friday. The writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit. Despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook, the entire staff turned against her. Nothing was coming back from the (dish) pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder. She’s a great chef (I will admit this is true), but they took no chances since it turns out (shit you not)... they're partly owned by a Chinese investment company. Found this hard to believe and didn't want to add this detail, but it turned out to be true after some research (won't say any further for privacy). Word also got around in the local industry, and Sarah is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments. She's now considering selling her home and moving to find work. As much as I don't like her and found her behavior horrifying, I didn't intend for this to happen so I've reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings. Whether or not she wants to take itis up to her (and no, she has not apologized for anything either - but I still want to be a decent person to her).
It sure as hell doesn't feel like a happy ending. Perhaps bittersweet justice, but that's all I can give you. Thank you all for your support and for reading.
[Still me right now.](https://i.imgur.com/8QnGdHK.gifv) | NTA, "cooking asian food doesn't count as cooking" IS racist, incredibly uncalled for, and shows how much of an entitled know-it-all Sarah is. Glad most people over there are on your side, but yeah, don't apologize when you did nothing wrong
EDIT: Wow, my post blew up, loving the crazy mix of comments here, and the updates to the main post are amazing to read, can't wait to see how this clusterfuck ends |
I was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. Dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. I’m the only girl and have 3 brothers.
Because of their expectation I’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. I’m the second youngest. By the time I was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. They eventually did the same for my younger brother. I was told I wasn’t allowed to apply for college.
I did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. I didn’t tell them I was moving out until a week before I left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. I took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle.
My parents and I have barely spoken for years. I’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. We met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. I asked them specifically what they were sorry for. They wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. I said that wasn’t sufficient. In the end, I said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. My mom burst into tears, my dad said I wasn’t being serious and I just left. Since then, I’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me I’m being immature and hurtful. I don’t think so at all. | NTA.
Hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to.
As far as I can see, your answer to them was perfect. It was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. Since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child.
Never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. No exceptions. That includes your bigoted brothers.
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Edited to add: I have a bachelor's, master's, and doctorate all in engineering. You have no idea how angry this makes them. Hopefully you will too and we can all watch the bigots faint from sheer rage together. Bwahahahaha. |
New to reddit, please bare with.
So I (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. Up until last week, things were perfect between us.
However, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. She and I have quite a lot in common, and I actually like spending time with her. However it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. Now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; I'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. However, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if I want coffee. I sleep naked. Every time prior to the last one, I've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. I always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but I didn't".
When she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, I intentionally slept on top of the covers. Sure enough, she barges in at 7AM, begins to ask if I want coffee and sees my you-know-what. She immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. My mate later pulled me aside and said I was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that I'd "threatened" to do it before (I literally just said "okay but what if I had no covers and you saw everything" before). They're now framing this to others that I'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how I get my rocks off, and I'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. AITA for doing this? | NTA. She knew it was a risk when she barged in. How is she not the pervert? Also, have you considered getting a lock? |
The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out.
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My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on.
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I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn't feel like it.
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I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i've never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her. I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong.
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Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents "expect" me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me. If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was "grounded" because i turned my phone off in the theater.
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It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me. This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her.
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I've held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don't know why but this caused me to break down. I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I'm nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I'm expected to be her "slave" for the rest of my life.
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I've locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the asshole here?
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Edit/Update kinda:
Wow, thank you for all the support and love that you guys have given me. I never expected this post to reach the popularity it did. Thank you all. After thinking about it for these past hours, you are right that I don't despise my sister. It's not her fault that she was born the way she is. My parents came to talk to me a while after my break down but I was unable to bring myself to talk to them and only cried and asked them to leave. They have made arrangements with my grandfather for me to stay with him for the time being and am getting ready to go to his house. My parents want to talk to me but we have decided it's best I leave for now to have some space and time to collect myself. we will be sitting down and talking later this week about this issue. Thank you all again for the love and support through this <3
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I'll send an update your guy's way later this week if people are interested. | NTA. These are perfectly legitimate and understandable feelings. You have done nothing to sign up for taking care of another human being (it's not like she's your kid), and that was wrong of your dad to "joke" about, because it sounds like he probably is really thinking along those lines.
Be honest with your parents about how you feel- make clear that it's insane that you're expected to be a full-time babysitter (grounded for no phone in a theater? That's fucking bullshit). |
Me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. The only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. Everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. We put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up.
This issue has been going on almost a year and I’m sick of it.
One of my roommates, R, keeps stealing my food. I get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. My gallon of milk for example. I buy almond milk because I like the taste. But it seems to finish after a week even though I’ve only drank once or twice.
I confronted R about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. He outright denies it and tells me I’m crazy even though it’s so obvious.
My other roommate and I carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so I know it’s not him. It’s always after we get back home and R’s already left for work that I notice my food’s gone. My roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as I do. I’m guessing cause R doesn’t like what he buys.
The funny thing is R buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. He will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
Last week, my milk was nearly empty again and I got fed up. I went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. I drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one I bought. This was to catch/prove R is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant.
The nxt day, Saturday, we get back from work and R is pissed. He yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. I only responded with “So then you’re the one who’s been stealing?”
He freaking exploded. Yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that I switched milks than the fact that he was caught. I told him I wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like I was making it up.
My roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. It’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me R is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. Little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit.
I told some buddies what happened and a few think I was an asshole for that. I feel like I’m not in the wrong here. He was taking my food and not even owning up to it and I wanted to prove it, does that make me TA? | NTA. As you said if R wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem. |
I’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being.
She is a really great kid and tbh I feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak English so I kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. Hard to explain but I’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what I mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an English speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an English speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with.
Anyway my girlfriend was FaceTiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. My ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less OP, her thighs are kinda chunky’
I saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. My sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl.
Literally. Everybody. I. Know. Has been texting me that I’m a POS boyfriend and that how can I disrespect my gf like that. I am expecting an apology from HER but to my shock everybody is expecting ME to apologize.
So Reddit, AITA? | NTA.
12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. You're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately. |
I 23m was repeatedly stuck playing the part of helper and babysitter on family outings. I had to move out of my parents' house because I kept being forced to help watch my three nephews. Last year we took a family vacation in summer to the coast. I rode along with my parents, and they paid for my hotel room. Only, I had to share that room with three rowdy boys because my sister and her husband wanted a room to themselves. I was promised time to do my own things on the vacation. But instead I ended up having to help with these kids. I complained to everyone about it, and was reminded I was there for free. And then we pretty much just did only one thing I wanted to do. Which was tour an art gallery. I like doing this whenever I'm at the coast. But the kids find it boring.
This year my parents have a beach trip planned for June. And they assumed I'd be riding along the same way as last year. But I refused. I said I'd be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room. My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost. I said it was no worry. I've got a good job and a decent running car. I can more than afford it. That's when the "Buts" started. I stated the previously listed things as why I'll be driving myself and paying for myself. I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year.
My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys. I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess. I didn't really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.
Now my sister is not speaking to me, and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace. I'm still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in? I know they'll have a pretty hard time when they won't have another person there to help.
Edit: It's barely been an hour since I posted. But my sister is apparently a reddit lurker in the mornings, and she saw my post. Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets. And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved. I'm expecting a call from them any minute.
Update: Well I'm off work now, so I can tell more of what went down. I guess you could say it's over. My sister got our parents involved, they looked at my post, and were absolutely horrified by the continuous influx of commenters. Yes they're very angry with me that I posted here. But I told them that if they'd just listened to me to begin with, I'd have never needed to. I'm sick of the whole keep the peace mentality that sacrifices me to placate my sister. They in turn went off on my sister, and to make a long story short the whole vacation has been canceled. The hotel wasn't booked yet anyway. But my parents are arguing with my sister, my sister is blaming me, and my nephews are crying because they aren't going to the beach. My sister called me at lunch and basically implied I have no life, which is why I have time to help. I recorded that and told our parents, and that's currently what they're fighting about.
Smol Update: I wasn't gonna update again. But here's a little more. Parents said that they won't ever push babysitting of my nephews on me again, and have agreed that what happened last year was unfair to me. Right now they're VERY angry with my sister for telling me I should help her because she thinks I have no life. My sister is playing the victim. And my brother in law is basically saying "Nope!" to the whole mess and spending most of his time at work.
Thank you to everyone who has commented. You made my day. | >My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys.
That's a laugh. She's admitting she's ruining *your* vacation so as not to ruin her own! They're *her* kids and *her* responsibility.
NTA. In fact, you're nicer than *I* would be; I'd just say "no thanks; I've got other plans" and avoid the family vacation altogether. |
My (23F) wedding was back on Saturday December 31st and I'm still getting backlash from this, so I want to know if this was an AH move.
In the country I live in it's currently winter, and we get a fair amount of snow so my wedding was a winter themed wedding. The color theme was forest green and gold. My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaids dresses to be forest green as well. My MOH"s dress was black, and everyone was to wear gold accessories.
I have this friend, we'll call her Kat, that I asked to be one of my bridesmaids. When we went dress shopping and I told them the color theme I was going for, Kat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice.
She said the thinks it's not a flattering color, and thought I should choose something different and more "girly". I said no because my wedding was winter themed and I thought the color would go perfect with the theme. She suggested a pink, blue even a red. I said no, but thanks' for your opinion. She found out my MOH"s dress was black and asked if she could wear black too? I said no, only my MOH is wearing black.
I paid for all the dresses.
Fast forward to wedding day, everyone's getting their hair and makeup done and Kat show's up 30 minutes late holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside. I asked her what this was for? She told me it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. I was like ok cool.
So fast forward we're all dressed and walking down the stairs because the ceremony is beginning in 30 mins and we were going to take some pictures before. Kat is the last person to come down and she's wearing a BLACK DRESS. At the time I was preoccupied taking pictures with my parents, but my MOH came over to me and made me aware of the situation.
I confronted Kat and asked her what was going on. She said she hates her bridesmaid dress, as the color is ugly and makes her look gross so she's wearing black. I told her please go back and change. She refused and started walking away from me. I said I'm going to ask her one more time, and if she doesn't oblige I'm calling security and kicking her out. She began yelling at me to fuck off, so I called security and asked them to please escort her out. She started making a BIG scene yelling how I'm such a bitch, that I can't force her to wear anything and that I'm a horrible inconsiderate friend.
The wedding went on and it was truly amazing.
Ever since the wedding Kat has been blowing up my phone with texts saying some really nasty thing's and asking for the money back she spent on the black dress, since it was a waste and she didn't get to wear it. I had to block her number. Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me shit saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that. And that maybe I should give her the money back. AITA for kicking her out? | NTA.
She embarrassed herself. She agreed to wear the dress you picked out, and then deceitfully planned to change at the last moment in the hope that you'd just let her get away with it. She knew that you would tell her no.
Think of being in a wedding as like playing a part in a play, or a ballet, or something. You get cast as "bridesmaid", so you wear the costume that the artistic director has picked out for bridesmaids to wear. If you don't want to wear the costume, don't be in the show. But you can't just show up on opening night and say "I didn't like your costume choices, so I'm going to wear the same costume as this other character instead".
ETA: Thanks for all the love, everyone! |
I recently won a ‘fuck you’ amount of money. I won’t say exactly how much but it’s in the millions. It makes me feel funny even typing It’s enough to change the life of myself and my family.
My ex wife is the mother of my 2 kids. She is an amazing woman and good to the bone. We divorced 6 years ago because I had an affair with my current partner. I was in a low place in my life and I fucked up. She was in incredible pain but - like a fucking saint- she allowed me to still see our kids who mean the world to me, allowed our divorce to be as pain free as possible despite the fact that I know she was hurting. She still is close with my parents. She is respectful to me although she refuses to talk to my gf.
She was actually the first person I phoned after my mom and pops after I found out I won the lottery. She was pleased for me, joked that I could take the kids on a world round trip, and that was that. Nothing else. as soon as I won, I knew I wanted to give her a significant amount. I still love her. She’s the mother of my babies and I feel like this is some small tiny way I can show her that I’m not a complete fuck up. She deserves to know that I care despite my mistakes. She also works a shitty job in the public library which pays her peanuts- she would actually be able to pursue her hobbies this way. Give our kids a better life between us. I haven’t discussed this with my ex yet, but I have with my parents who strongly agree and my lawyer who was very surprised but on board.
Long story short, when I told my gf, she was my livid. Screaming that I’m disrespecting her, accusing me of still being in love with my ex wife- I’m not *in* love with her. We’ve both grown apart, but of course I still *love* her for being an excellent co parenting partner and mother to my kids. My gf is threatening to break up with me, and tbh I’m feeling incredibly relieved over the threats. I don’t plan on changing my plans, but AITA?
| NTA if you intended for the money to help out her and your kids. If you only intended to give it to her because you 'love' your ex wife then you're a bit of an asshole (ESH) for making your current girlfriend a 'plan b'. The way she reacted was a little over the top, but to be expected since you are giving money to another woman (that you used to be married to).
Otherwise, you do have kids to provide for and it's none of her business because you're not married and you don't share the money.
Just a question: did she know you had a wife when you had an affair with her? Because if she did then the whole 'disrespecting her' is a load of bullshit because she did the same thing to your ex wife.
edit: wow this blew up
Edit 2: is this what it's like when people hijack the top comment
Edit 3: thanks for the silver, guy |
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irxyza/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_go_ask_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hey guys. It’s been a good 2 weeks since I’ve posted and I figured you guys would like an update. A lot has happened since the last time I posted
So that night, I did what many of the comments suggested I do, which was to apologize. I told her that I’m sorry that implying that I’m not her real father, but like it or not that I consider her MY daughter. That I loved her and will always be there for her. She started to cry and sob uncontrollably and said “Why doesn’t he [her biological father] love me?” I held her and told her she didn’t need to fight for his approval. I also apologized for looking through her phone; that I’ve come to accept that it’s not an appropriate punishment for a teenage girl, and I was going to find other alternatives. Lastly I brought up therapy and while she was hesitant at first I let her know it was nothing to be ashamed of, that everything she said at therapy would be entirely confidential, and that it could help to have a confidant to help her sort through her feelings. She sat on this for the day, but the next day let me know that she was ready so I set up the soonest appointment (which was last Friday and her second appointment this afternoon)
It’s only been a week so I don’t want to get too optimistic but honestly I feel like I’m noticing an improvement already. She’s actually been engaging back in small talk when normally she wouldn’t give me the time of day. She’s been following all of the rules, coming home at a reasonable hour, she’s been less withdrawn and more social even to the point where her brother commented on the change today! But the most exciting news of them all is when getting out the car on her way home from therapy, she said and I quote “thanks dad”. She’s never called me dad before so honestly I’ve been riding off that high for the last two hours
I’m not delusional enough to think everything’s peachy but honestly the behavior change in the last week was the most progress we’ve had since, well, ever. I’m cautiously optimistic going forward.
Thanks again everyone for your comments, especially the ones who gave me the kick in the ass I needed. | I commented on your first post. Very happy to see this heartfelt update. I personally thought that you were for the most part NTA, but still good on you for taking criticism so well and using that to strengthen your relationship with your daughter. A lot of people in your shoes would not have handled it as well as you did. Hoping life is easier on your going forward, take care dude! |
My boyfriend had to go to the ER after a accident, and he got a truly ridiculous bill back. I offered to fight the bill for her because I've done it before, and he said sure.
I went all-out, because honestly if we were out 5 grand, after insurance, that would fuck up our holiday plans pretty bad.
So I...
- had him call the hospital and authorize me to handle his bill and access his medical records.
- got an itemized bill and compared the prices for each code to the fair prices
- called billing to dispute the bill, but was told that billing only collects bills, I'd need to contact admin to dispute
- bounced around a call center for hours trying to get someone who was actually qualified for bill disputes, and getting nowhere
- google and linkedin searched for the hospital board of directors and upper management
- got 30 emails of the most influential people at the hospital, plus the hospital's investors
- every day would send a few emails, working my way up the chain, and writing an (increasingly long) email describing how they billed my "client" at 7 times over the fair price for services rendered, and how their billing department, customer service department, and the growing list of management I'd emailed, had failed to address the issue.
- escalated the emails until I was writing the director-level staff with the entire board of directors and a number of outside investors CC'd, asking for a written statement regarding their justification for billing at a rate 7 times higher than the national average, for commensurate services to what is available at other hospitals. And sternly laying out the failures to appropriately respond, at every level of the company.
Well, once I'd done all that (which was honestly only like 15 minutes a day) they reduced the bill... From $5000 to $26. Yep, twenty-six fuckin dollars.
Well, I told my boyfriend the good news, and he was at first overjoyed and blown away, like literally jumping up and down and hugging me and saying I was literally a Christmas miracle.
But then when he asked how I did it, I said it wasn't too hard, I just had to send a couple emails each day. He was curious what I'd said, and I handed him my phone.
He started to get stressed, and flipping back through other emails. Which there were like 60 of.
He told me I went way too far, he was expecting me to dispute through their billing department or something normal and reasonable like that, not internet stalk every single manager and board member and investor and harass them into dropping the bill.
I was frustrated because I'd just saved us 5 grand, actually made it possible for us to afford a nice Christmas and save some money, and he was mad at me because I'd been a bit of a hardass?
I was furious, and he was also mad at me, saying he authorized me to dispute a bill, not basically threaten and harass a whole damn hospital for weeks.
AITA for how I got my boyfriend's medical bills dropped? | You are a friggin' rock star and should be a damn professional advocate for those who get ripped off in healthcare like this. Your boyfriend is so unappreciative and is clearly clueless on how diligent you need to be to challenge an erroneous bill. When the hospital, doctors, and insurance companies are unwilling to help you resolve their errors, what else are you supposed to do? So many people just quit and either pay the massive bill or go into debt. Tell your boyfriend this is the only Christmas gift you're giving him. Clearly NTA. |
My son burps a lot while eating. I have tried telling him multiple times that it is rude. I've told him to slow down so he doesn't swallow air with his food. I've told him that it is disgusting.
My wife will instantly jump in to defend him. She will say that's just the way he is and that it's not his fault.
The thing is he can control himself when I remind him. He just chooses not to.
He just went on a date with his girlfriend last night and she tore him a new asshole. It was his first time meeting her parents since they live in another city.
They went out to a fancy restaurant and he burped all the way through supper. He came home almost in tears from her chewing him out for behaving like a jackass in front of her family.
I heard him telling my wife about it and I laughed. She asked what was so funny and I reminded them both that I had tried dozens if not hundreds of times to teach him table manners and he rejected them and she protected him. I said that now he is a grown man and he had to learn the hard way.
They both think she overreacted and that I'm the asshole for being amused by his experience. | NTA.
I also laughed at this. How old is your son?
Doesn't matter either way. There are times for this behaviour. Dinner at a restaurant is not one of those times.
Girlfriend did not overreact. Hopefully he learns a valuable lesson from this. |
Original [here ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hutuck/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_being/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Ultimately I realise that the majority of the blame was mine. I never EVER should have called her lazy because that isn't what she is. I lashed out and I shouldn't have.
She stayed at her mothers for a few days, and we eventually met up to talk. I told her how it just got too much for me, but it was no excuse for lashing out and I apologised. She apologised also, not that she needed to, and we talked for a long while about how we can make our relationship work.
I expressed my concerns over her therapist who is very against anything other than talking therapy. She agreed that he didn't seem to really have her best interests at heart and she is currently looking for someone new.
For now, I suggested she stops looking for work. She got a lot of rejections and I could see it was upsetting her more. I just felt we should take a step back from that and I want her to focus a little more on herself. She was unsure as she felt bad that I would be working for both of us, but I assured her it is fine. (I make enough to support us both quite comfortably). I also suggested maybe she could volunteer at some point just to get her out and get some more stuff on her resume. I'm no therapist so these were just suggestions, but it has seemed to have taken some of the pressure off her which is all I wanted.
We agreed that being in the apartment all day alone and in bed is not good for her. So, we came up with a plan that she do an exercise video 3 times a week (it's only a 10 minute one), just so she is doing something. She has found she likes doing them, they make her feel a bit better after, and has started something called Yin Yoga now too.
To help me, she has ONE chore a day to do. I don't care what it is. It could be dishes or it could just be putting the laundry in the hamper. This rule has at least gotten her out of bed for part of the day and she's found that once she starts she sometimes ends up doing more than one thing. I make sure to show my appreciation for whatever she has done, no matter how small it was.
We have set out that every sunday we will have a deep cleaning day where we get everything done for the week. This has been surprisingly successful. We make it fun and just mess around while still getting things done. It makes the week a lot more manageable when we only have light chores to keep on top of.
She is trying more, and I am also working on being more supportive about her depression. I'm researching it more, and learning ways I can help her because it is a part of her. We are both putting more effort in and communicating a lot better.
I hope we keep making progress because I do love her very much and want us to work. | It's so nice when these things have a happy ending! Good job on working on your issues and communicating properly! <3 |
One of my (29M) best friends “Carla” (31f) is getting married soon. It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they’ve been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property. They wanted it because it’s private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff. Of course I said yes, she and her fiancé “Rick” were very happy. Thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on & off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick and now here they are.
Now my wife knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. Carla still went to our wedding and everything. I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did. Rick found out recently and not in the best way. Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date. Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told. All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.
It became quite a drama and didnt hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on. But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable. Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then? To my surprise she said they still want it at our place.
Rick said so to and in my mind I’m going “he doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.” My wife and I are expected to just...not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no. They’re going to have to find some place else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house? They really want their wedding here though and because of that I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty asshole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore. Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable. Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything. AITA? | Rick doesn't want to get married anymore but doesn't want to be the bad guy breaking up with his fiancee, so he's put her in an impossible position so he can get the sympathy when they split.
NTA. |
I (19f) study drama at uni, and my boyfriend is on the same course. My boyfriend is a really good-looking guy, but he doesn't seem to know it. He gets a lot of attention from girls and for the most part, doesn't seem to get that they're flirting with him. I'm not generally annoyed by this, and never really say anything.
However, there's one girl in our class, let's call her Victoria, who is obsessed with my boyfriend. She goes out of her way to be paired with him in group activities (for example, if the professor picks groups by numbering us 1, 2, 3, she will move herself to be in the same number as him) and she recently stepped down from a main role in a play we're doing so she could be in a more minor one, simply because this character has a romance with my boyfriend. I know this is the case, because I've heard her say to her friends that she thinks he's hot and what not.
I've never said anything to her about it, because she seems pretty insecure (always complaining about how she thinks she's ugly) and I don't see it as a big deal because my boyfriend doesn't care. However, we recently performed the play and had a small afterparty where she got slightly drunk and was bragging about how she 'definitely felt something' when they kissed in the play and she's 'going to ask him if he felt the same'. I rolled my eyes and again ignored it, until she actually went up to my boyfriend. She was a little bit drunk, and when she went up to him I was there too.
Victoria started saying that she knows he must have felt a spark, he's a really good kisser, etc. I snapped, and sort of shouted at her that 'you sound incredibly desperate, going after somebody else's boyfriend. You're pathetic if you think a stage kiss means you should be together.'
She looked super embarrassed and walked away, and I later heard she'd gone home crying. I feel like a dick because she's obviously insecure and whatnot, and her friends haven't stopped calling me a bitch since. AITA?
Edit: She 100% knows that I am his girlfriend, I have heard her talking about me being his girlfriend before. | NTA. She took it WAY too far. Approaching him about it was out of line. |
Some backstory: I had been dating my ex fiancé Sarah for four years. We had been planning to get married in November 2020 but I found out at the start of this month that she cheated on me. She begged me to give her another chance but I broke it off.
The problem was that being cheated on is, in my mind, completely emasculating and humiliating. So I never told anyone that was the reason we broke up. For obvious reasons, Sarah also didn’t tell people we broke up because she cheated. So people have “blamed” me for the breakup, including my mom. They just see that I dumped her out of the blue.
I’ve gone very strict no contact with Sarah after I discovered she was cheating on me. Sarah has been talking with my mom and has convinced her that if we could talk one more time, we would be able to reconcile. My mom has been applying hard core pressure on me to talk with Sarah but I’ve explained that there’s no chance we will ever get back together.
So tonight I go over to my mom’s place because she’s hosting family for Christmas Eve. I’m there for a bit talking with my aunts and uncles and cousins when the doorbell rings and I can see it’s Sarah. I ask wtf is going on and my mom says she invited Sarah so we can work this out in the spirit of the holidays.
I’m pissed now because the only way to explain my side of the story is to tell everyone I was cheated on. Complete humiliation in front of my whole family. So as my mom goes to the front door, I go into the bathroom. My mom starts knocking on the door saying that I need to come out and talk to my ex like an adult. I say fuck it, kick out the window screen and get in my car and go home.
My mom called a short while ago saying she’s cutting ties with me over my behavior (she’s really fixated on me jumping out of a window) and that Sarah will always be like a child to her. My sister called me after to ream me out for ruining Christmas. I broke down and told her that Sarah cheated on me which is why I dumped her and didn’t want to see her under any circumstances. She called me a big asshole who was lying to cover for myself. Am I really in the wrong? | Fuck that. Your mom, Sarah, and your sister are all assholes. The NERVE of her, to show up at your mom's house! I'm pissed off just reading this!
I don't understand why your mother is so invested in Sarah. Why would you want to tell her Sarah cheated on you, after how your sister acted? What a fucking mess!
Not gonna lie, you kicking out the screen and taking off through the window is straight savage. Reflexes up on legendary.
NTA
Thank you very much for the awards, kind strangers! My first platinum! And 3 silvers! I'm very grateful! Wow! Thank you! |
My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we're excited. Thing is he barely attends any dr appointments with me and his excuses aren't even valid. He's willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends. His response is always "I'm not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?".
Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby's gender reveal appointment but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish 'n' chips meal. I was pretty livid but didn't make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead.
He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me but I hung up each time. He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results but I refused and bluntly told him, since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby's born and said I was wiling to die on this hill. He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him. He said he's the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn't alone and mom was with me. I said he gets no results period.
He's been fuming about it and told his family and they're now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him but I declined.
AITA?
EDIT/UPDATE: Hi, so, first of all, wow!!! I did not expect this to blow up. Sorry, can't answer any comments because of feeling overwhelmed...um I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my dr to get the results. It didn't go well and we had another argument over it. He couldn't get it since his mom was the one who made the call. | NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born. |
My fiancee (F) and I (M) are getting married. We've decided wedding's gonna be childfree. No hate towards children just to keep it more organized and contained.
My brother 'Chris' (M) and his wife (F) have a 3 yro son who everyone calls "miracle" or "rainbow" baby. He came after several failed pregnancies that lasted for years.
When they found out that my nephew was included in the no children rule; they tried to convince me to make an exception for him. Chris told me his son is a miracle baby and his presence at the wedding will bring "blessings" for me and my fiancee. I refused and said no, the wedding is childfree. His wife kept sending my fiancee pics of my nephew when he was months old (what that mean??). I told them no, and to stop.
My brother told me this might cause a rift in our relationship, I again said no and explained that the wedding is childfree. He asked again and pointed out how his baby is different since he's a rainbow, a miracle baby. I again said no and explained that the wedding is childfree. They brought it up when they visited at my home and I knew they weren't going to stop so I'd made flash cards in advance with the phrase "the wedding is childfree, period" and pulled them out and started slowly showing them the flash cards one by one in this order:
- The wedding (with a sticker of bride and groom).
- Is Child (with a sticker of a baby).
- FREEE (with a sticker of a 🚫 sign).
- PERIOD (with a huge, black dot sticker).
They both were stunned. I asked if they get it now and Chris had lost his shit. His wife had already grabbed her stuff and walked out. Chris called me an asshole for doing this and said that I disrespected him, his wife and their son who's my one and only nephew. He rushed out after we argued. My fiancee saw the whole thing and thought that it was funny but my parents and Chris are livid beyond measure. They're telling everyone about the amount of disrespect and mockery I had displayed towards them and I'm being told to "fix it" now. | Well, I suppose you could have used hand puppets instead, but flashcards seem to have gotten the message across. It makes me insane how some parents think their little bundle of joy should be allowed anywhere, anywhen, anytime and that no never applies to them. It's pretty clear they were going to run this horse right up to the altar. NTA. |
Ok this is the worst. I’m losing sleep over this.
I’m getting married in a week to an awesome woman, and I cannot wait to be her husband, we are so excited.
My brother is gay, but my family doesn’t know, only me and my parents know. I come from a very old school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century’s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/sibilings are open minded, and are living in the present.
So my brother has been dating his bf for 6 months now, the dude is great, I’m so happy my brother found a great guy. But it’s kind of a secret, as he hasn’t told my family he is gay.
I’ve been telling him for years that he should come out, cause I know it stresses him a lot, and I think it will make him feel better not to hide anymore, plus I bet a few family members already know anyway.
But he disagrees cause he knows a part of the family won’t accept it and it will be a lot of drama. I see the opposite, I see it as the sooner you know who the idiots are, the sooner we can cut them from our lives. I have no interest in having someone in my life that doesn’t accept my brother being gay.
Anyway, that’s his decision not mine, so for now he won’t say anything.
Until a few weeks ago, when he said he wants to bring his bf to my wedding. I was not expecting that to be honest. So he went from 0 to 100 pretty fast.
If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don’t think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and bullshit that would happen. And I don’t want to get the attention away from my fiancée, that’s her day. And I dont wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it’s a pretty good reason
I asked him why my wedding day, he said it’s because he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most, me and his boyfriend. This is killing me. I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can’t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future.
I didn’t even tell her, she is already stressed out, dont wanna make it even worse
With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me. He started crying and left my house without saying anything.
Next day I got a text and he said “ dont worry, going alone”. I tried calling him but he didnt answer me, and my parents don’t seem to know what’s happening because they didn’t say anything.
He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us
This is the worst situation of my life, am I the asshole for handling it the way I did?
PS 1: I wanna thank the redittor that sent me a private message and said they hope a mass shooter shows up at my wedding, so thoughtful!!!
PS 2: Thanks for the gold and stuff!
Update: spoke to fiancée, couldn’t keep this from her anymore, she agreed with me.
Clarification: I know it won’t be my brother that would cause trouble. The trouble would start with remarks and looks from some aunt/uncle. Doesn’t matter, we are spending a lot of money on this wedding, planned it for a long time, my fiancee put her heart and soul into planning this wedding.I don’t want to see my bride or mom crying, or some idiot uncle insulting my brother. Literally every other day of my life I will support my brother’s decision to come out. Even at the wedding, I would obviously defend him. But the point is, NOT AT THE WEDDING. Also, MY BROTHER IS NOT THE ASSHOLE. Not at all. | NTA - God I'm queer and I gotta say, a sibs wedding would NOT be the place to trot out that bit of my life. Its your wedding its your day. Although I have to say if your wife is level headed she wouldn't let a family fight ruin your relationship. Did you talk to her about this? |
My (M26) sister (F23) runs a bakery business and she’s been struggling lately to keep up with orders because she’s been short staffed. She does a lot of orders for wedding cakes that require custard or marmalade fillings, and I offered to help her out by making these fillings at home and bringing them to her so she has less work to do.
Unfortunately, the past four times I’ve made these fillings, my girlfriend (F24) has literally dipped her fingers into the filling jars and contaminated them because, in her words, she “just wanted to try some.” I’ve tried explaining to her that she can’t dip her fingers in and contaminate the entire batch, because then I have to remake it. I said she should use a spoon and take some out if she wants to try so bad, but she just pouts and says that she likes using her fingers because it takes her back to her childhood.
Today, I was trying to finish some chocolate custard to send it over to my sister really fast because she was running late on a wedding cake order for an important client. I told my girlfriend beforehand to not eat the custard, and if she really wanted to, to please use a spoon.
I get out of the shower, and what do I see? She has her fingers in it again! I totally lost it because this is the fifth time she blatantly disregarded what I said, and I yelled at her and told her to “stop fucking eating” the food I’m making, because it’s not for her and she’s contaminating it.
She started crying and got mad at me for “fat-shaming” her, even though I made no comment on her weight and she has no history of weight issues or eating disorders. I know I was harsh, but she kept pushing my limits. AITA? | Does she also wear a diaper and draw on the walls with crayons because it reminds her of her childhood?
NTA |
My (56M) wife died at the young age of 51 from a car accident. I was in deep mourning for about a year after her death. I met my new GF C (43F) around January. C was the one who made me laugh for the first time after my wife died. She’s smart as hell (3 Ivy League degrees), has a dark sense of humor that I love, a terrific cook, and overall an amazing woman who I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. She is also on the heavier side, a fact that becomes relevant later.
I have 2 children, E (25M) and A (19F). They were well aware that I had gotten a new GF before I first introduced them to C this summer. She got along immediately with E, but A was very very standoffish. After that initial meeting I asked A if there was something wrong but she denied it. C made a few more attempts to get to know A but they were all rudely rejected.
E and A both came home for Thanksgiving dinner. I asked A to please be polite during the meal since she’s always been rude in her interactions with C even though C has been nothing but gracious in return. The dinner was going as well as it could have for the first 10 minutes, although I noticed A glaring at C the entire time. When C went to grab her third helping of mashed potatoes, A said “Don’t you think you’ve eaten enough, you fat pig?” C started sobbing immediately and ran off into the bedroom. I felt my face turn red and told A to get out.
About half an hour after A left I texted her stating that I would no longer pay her tuition unless 1. She apologized to C and 2. C accepts her apology. A must have assumed that I was bluffing because she instead doubled down on her behavior during Thanksgiving dinner. I then logged into her university’s tuition payment website, canceled next semester’s tuition, and sent A the screenshots. She called me crying and begging me to reconsider but I told her my mind was made up. | ESH.
Something more is undoubtedly going in between C and A. You need to find out why A has such a strong dislike of her and reacted so strongly.
A is probably still deep in mourning for her mother. You've managed to put your grief behind you, but the process is much slower for some people. Seeing C in her mother's place at Thanksgiving was probably very hard on your daughter. That doesn't excuse her rudeness, but it might explain it.
Secondly, you've made your daughter's tuition dependant on C accepting her apology. As the fees are something between you and your daughter that's not appropriate especially as C seems to be the issue here.
Edit: when I say 'C is the issue' I mean the relationship C and A have, not C herself. |
UPDATE: AITA for sleeping top naked in my room?
[Original Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlqn2c/aita_for_sleeping_top_naked_in_my_bedroom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hi everyone! I wanted to give an update on the situation since a lot of people were really concerned for me.
After the whole debacle, I did purchase a wedge for under my door from Walmart . It worked, and I didn’t have anymore issues with waking up to people in my face. I used the excuse that it was to keep our cat from opening my door at night and my mom seemed fine with that.
While E was here and even after he was gone my mom seemed detached and sort of out of it. I asked if everything was okay and she said she needed to sort out some feelings first but she promised we’d talk when she was better. I said okay and left it at that.
Couple days later, E came back for another weekend stay. The day after he came they had an at home date night with drinks and fancy takeout, and that night I woke up to my door being messed with. I call out to see if it’s my mom, and got no response. I pulled on a t-shirt n shorts and pull the door wedge out to check, and E is standing at my door. He was drunk, and I was a bit panicked because I thought something had happened to my mom and he needed help, but he just stood there for a few seconds without saying anything. He didn’t seem to be sleepwalking or in peril so I said “I’m uncomfortable, I’m closing my door.”
Before I could close the door all the way, my mom flew out her room, saw him, and started cussing and screaming and telling him he needed to leave. They argued back and forth for a while but eventually she got him out the door. After calming her down I took her to her room and we had a talk.
It turns out, the day she had came into my room, she had been on his phone and saw he was talking to his brother in law about me in very disgusting ways, talking about how I was growing up to be very shapely and mature, and that he couldn’t wait until I moved out so he could dump my mother for me. He said far more explicit things that were all extremely worrying, especially since we’ve known him since I was 11. My mom had came to tell me to be careful around him while she thought of a way to break it off safely, but when she saw my state she had some misplaced anger. He’s out of our lives now, thankfully.
TL;DR: boyfriend was actually a creep, mom had misplaced anger.
I wanna say thanks to everyone for all the suggestions and recommendations, and even those who suggested my mom could be abusive (I plan to talk to her about her other ideals/behaviors soon). Sarcastic thanks and genuinely big “fuck you”s to those who sent me crude messages. I’m just glad the situation is over. | Hi Friends! As most of you are aware, we have strict rules to comply with reddit TOS around violence. That includes shutting down convos about grooming/pedophilia/otherwise creepy as hell behavior.
With that in mind, we decided to strike a balance between not allowing this update, and a flood of "pedo" comments. This post is intentionally locked. |
[update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaygivings/comments/revywd/update_aita_for_ruining_thanksgiving/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
[Christmas ](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaygivings/comments/rrif5i/made_turkey_for_my_orphans_christmas_party_i_wish/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I (30f) met my bf (30m) 3 years ago. Before me he was together with his HS sweetheart. They fell out of love and broke up. A year later we started dating. His mom however was still heartbroken about it. I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me. The ex basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family.
For the first year of my relationship his mom would call me ex’s name, until bf got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off and said it was just a habit. After that she started calling me the wrong name. (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story). I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later.
My bf has two sisters and a couple of weeks before thanksgiving we were invited to bbq at the older sister’s house. I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands. The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening. She then said iut loud “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?”. The sisters giggled and looked at each other and I said “thats a great idea!” I didn’t tell my bf what happened.
On thanksgiving we went to his mom’s house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked l, everybody was shocked. I said “what? I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!”. There was yelling, crying and then we got kicked out. My bf is so angry with me he hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s over tbh. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I? | \*Thunderous applause\* You're my favorite asshole for this. My absolute hero.
ETA: Wow! Thanks for the awards!
ETA 2: I'm being asked to give judgement. I repeat: OP is my favorite asshole. Not THE asshole here (so NTA). |
My great-aunt set up savings accounts for all of her female relatives. In our culture education for women is not really valued and she thought that was bullshit.
She lived with her father in London where she was educated. She went on to attend university and became a doctor She married a British man, they moved to America and had a great life. She funded the education of as many of her neices and grand neices as she could.
When she passed away she left money for every girl relative she could.
My parents managed to access the accounts that were set up for my sister and I. They used it to pay for my brother's wedding. My sister didn't care because she got married two years out of high school and had no intention of going to college.
When I graduated I went to the bank to get money for school and it was almost all gone. There was like $13,000 left.
I asked my parents about it and they said they had needed the money. I finally found out where the money went. I got furious. I got student loans and moved out. I am a great source of shame to them and I don't give two fucks.
I am currently suing them for the money that was left for me. My entire family is against me. They all think I am a complete asshole for airing private family business in public. And that I am putting money ahead of family. My friends are all on my side but they are all Americans and don't really get my culture. Neither do I to be honest.
My brother called me up and offered to pay for my university if I drop the lawsuit. I agreed as long as we had a legally binding contract. He said I was being an asshole for not trusting him. I said he should not have accepted my money for his wedding. It is causing all kinds of embarrassment in our community.
I am somewhat ashamed to be doing this but I don't want to have this debt I should not have. | NTA. Your parents didn't borrow your money. They stole it. I hope you have all the documents to show that money was yours. Your brother is also the AH for trying to get you to drop a lawsuit with what is most likely a lie. If you have a chance to start life without student debt you do whatever you can to do that. Your parents
, and I'm sorry but their culture, sound completely toxic. I'm glad you got out. |
I (26f) recently moved into my first home. I am also 4 months pregnant with our first baby.
The pregnancy has been very hard. I have horrible morning sickness. It reached a really bad point where I passed out hit my head and my Dr admitted me to the hospital for a week.
When I got home my husband allowed his brothers family to move into 2 of our 3 bedrooms. (They were evicted i dont know why). One room was My office was tossed into our room papers every where. The house was a complete wreck. Trash, dirty clothes, used diapers.
I started to cry. It was like a light flipped my husband was no longer the same. My husband told me it "wasn't that bad". My reply was "fine then you should have the house cleaned up before I wake up." Completly exhausted
I fell asleep for 4 hrs. I woke up and went to get a drink of water. I couldn't every glass we own is scattered around the house. They didnt clean a single thing. I passive aggressively started to pick up the dirty dishes and washed them.
The following morning. I was trying my best to work when their kids were crying non stop. Banging on the walls so on. Their mom was in her room for hours ignoring them.
When my husband came home. He was upset with me over how I didn't make his brother's wife feel welcome in our home. By helping with their kids when she was tired. Then continued to complain how nothing was done while he was at work all day in the house. Yep the same one he didn't clean.
That lead to a fight where I told him. "I am too sick to have company and they need to leave". To which he replied they are his family and he won't kick them out. I started to cry again. I was beyond frustrated, exhausted, I physically couldnt do it anymore. I called my mom asking if I could come stay with her. Telling her the whole story infront of my husband. Who at this point was completely shocked, Angry, also I could tell he wasnt sure what to do.
My mom came with my brother's (I have 3 older brothers). My mom super angry told my husband. "Since your family can stay so can we." My mom quickly took charge. I was sent to bed. My brother's started cleaning complaining loudly at how disgusting my BIL family is. Along with what a horrible husband my husband is for putting me through this while I am sick.
I got a text message from my MIL for calling me an A for not helping my husband clean up the house and putting my BIL in a uncomfortable position by having my mom boss him around.
Edited to add update, when my MIL showed up she was super angry outside. I could hear shouting but, couldn't understand what was said. Once inside she was shocked. My house looked really bad. My BIL lied to her about what happened. My MIL quickly started to help my mom in the bossing mode.
My house is not just cleaned but deep cleaned.
My BIL and his kids are now staying with MIL. She didn't know about the eviction. My in-laws helped them financially a couple of months ago. My MIL was not happy about it.
SIL refused to come out of the bedroom. She would scream through the door but that was about it until her family came to pick her up.
Last little bit. I did talk to my husband. He seemed very remorseful. I asked for some space he is staying at a hotel. He asked to come by and talk to me tonight.
My mom and dad are here. Both mom's felt like I should have someone here since I am sick.
Both moms have set up a meal plan. Where they trade off who will bring in dinner. It was my MIL idea. Thank you for all your advice. I truly appreciate it.
Talk with husband: summed up since it lasted 4 hrs. it was a hard talk. He is remorseful.
Bil was only supposed to stay for a couple of nights. Then leave originally he thought they would be gone before I got home. He said he is tired and emotionally upset himself. When I originally passed out. My husband left to help a friend move. He came home and found me. He said he has no idea how long I was on the floor hurt. He was originally scared I had died.
Since then he has had nightmares. On top of dealing with his family drama.
He admitted to dumping his frustration onto me. When it's not my fault.
He begged me for another chance.
The next steps. We are still separated. He plans on staying at my brother house in his casita.
We are going to go to marriage counseling and Individual counseling. He asked if he could come when the home health nurse comes each night and to my Dr's appointments. I agreed to that.
Update on BIL: his wife admitted to having and affair. She told him she got married too soon and doesn't want the responsibilities of being a mom anymore. I am not sure what will happen with him and his kids but, I am shocked that she feels this way especially with her kids. | Wait.. your MIL called.. to fuss at you for INVOLVING YOUR MOTHER?!?!
There's this pot kettle thing..
NTA 1000%.. but house guests in a shared home require TWO yesses and only one no. Both of you agree or it shouldn't happen. Your husband has treated you abominably. I'm not sure I could deal with that honestly. Can you go stay w your mom? |
My dad passed away 2 weeks ago. Me, my wife 'Candace' and my daughter (16) 'Shiloh' and her stepsisters (19) & (17) flew to my hometown to attend the funeral. After that we got 2 hotel rooms (one for me and Candace, one for the girls).
While I was in the room, I got a call from Shiloh at 11pm crying and sounded like she was arguing with her stepsisters. I asked what the matter was and she told me that her stepsisters insisted that she sleep on the floor (there were one large bed in the room and there was enough space for all 3 girls to sleep on). I asked why and she said she didn't know. I went to see what the issue was and talked with my stepdaughters about it. They kept talking but didn't really explain why they told her to sleep on the floor. They just shrugged and said "It's better this way...we're more comfortable this way..". I told Shiloh to grab her things and when one of my stepdaughters asked where we were going, I told her I was booking her a hotel room. Both looked upset but didn't say anything but they must've called their mom because she was awake when I got back and started arguing with me about giving Shiloh an entire hotel room for herself. I explained why I did it but she said I wasted money and that Shiloh could've sucked it up for one night on the floor. I called her unreasonable for saying this but she told me I showed the girls that I'm "playing favorites" and made my stepdaughters share a room while I gave my daughter and entire room for herself.
We went home and Candace is still bringing it up saying I mishandled this. She even pointed out how my stepdaughters are upset since they're not speaking to me.
ETA It was Candace who got a room for the 3 girls as to not stir any drama and save money. She was in charge of hotel reservation since I was emotionaly distressed.
Also. Candace did NOT expect Shiloh to sleep on the floor. She wanted all 3 girls to share the bed.
ETA#2 For those that are calling me an ah for giving my daughter her name. Her mom did that and she's deceased so please let's not focus on that.
And also, I've known my stepdaughters since they were little. We're pretty much family and Candace is a sahm but I give her full access to my money since this stuff was already discussed before handed. Pretty much everything was. | What I'm getting from this is that your stepdaughters were trying to live up to the Disney depiction of step-sisters and were shocked when they couldn't just bully her into getting what they want. What's extra gross is that they did it when coming back from Shilo's grandparent's funeral. Talk about cruel.
You're definitely NTA. But also wtf is wrong with Candace if she sees this as playing favorites? Her daughters tried to make yours sleep on the floor for fun. Sounds like the apples don't fall far from the tree. Have you pointed out your daughter is also upset because of the situation and ***she*** is playing favorites?
Edit: Thanks for the awards, people of the internet! |
So this is a throw away account. While my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do.
I'm a 28F and I have a sister (36F) For the sake of story, I'll just call Jane. Jane is married to "Bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. My niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. They fight as siblings do but nothing big. I love them. Now for about two years, I did live with my sister. It was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. She saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. Even when I managed to get a small part time job, she demanded I hand over nearly half my pay or get out. It was hell as she took completely advantage of me. I moved out as soon as I could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings.
Now after I moved out, she started complaining how "She has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" I babysit sometimes but I have made it clear, just cause I am off work, doesn't mean I want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew.
Anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. Not a kid but a teenager. I pressed her for more info on this. She wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. This is her logic: "I want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. They can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. They can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(She bakes and sells cookies) Also babysit the kids so me and Bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. They'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. I won't have to pay them at all. And then when they turn 18, I can just sign up for another foster kid! A teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes."
I was horrified! Told her it was a horrible idea! She didn't listen to me. She went on with it anyway. About a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. She had put me down as a character witness or something like that. I immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when I lived with her. The lady thanked me.
My sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. The social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. She asked if I said anything and I told the truth. She went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. She has sent some angry texts. A couple family members are on her side. They think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework.
So AITA here?
Edit: So wow! I didn't know my post blew up like this till I got home from work! Thank you everyone for the kind words, messages and awards. Remember no child is in control of the circumstances that may have landed them in the foster care system. They are children and still human. They deserve a loving home and care. Do right by a foster kid. And thank you again. Feel free to message me or chat if you like. | NTA. You told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. It is a foster child, not a slave. |
I (M/37) have a 13 y.o son. I was a widower when I met my now wife. She has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. The family is often on pretty good terms. My son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. My wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. They both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. My son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. I spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be.
As mother's day was approaching I wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. It was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. Yesterday I got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) I had the key and while I was entering the house through the front door I overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. My wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. I paused and decided to keep listening. My son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. He promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. He kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. My stepdaughter threw some (I don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. Both were staring without saying anything. I told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and I told her why. She tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that I only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. I told her I was done arguing and the decision was already made. She yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that I was making tremendous mistake towards her.
I ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. Early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. Situation is full of tension. I'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. I mean yes I did say I was going to havw this celebration but I thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore. | NTA. Guarantee they have done this before. Circle the wagons, protect your son. Such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. To make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. Your son deserves so much better. |
I've been married to my wife Beth for 5 years. I have a bio daughter named Jessica (she's 18). And I also have two stepdaughters named Monica and Leah. They're 25 & 28. Both are single moms and live with us currently.
there's been issues about my stepdaughters asking my daughter to babysit the kids. Jessica didn't have a problem with it at first since this is what she does to earn money but since her stepsisters don't pay her much, she'd just refuse to babysit. We worked this out by having my wife take care of paying for the babysitting.
I planned a family vacation for 3 days and everyone wanted to go. However, Both Monica & Leah suggested that Jessica stay home and watch the kids since Beth doesn't want her grandkids to come. They said it's because the kids are used to Jessica and hiring another babysitter would cause issues. And also said that Jessica isn't too "fond" of our destination but it was obvious that Jessica wanted to go. They insisted and Beth offered to pay her double and there was just..a lot of back and forth on this til I demanded they stop bringing it up.
We were supposed to go last week but when everybody had bagged their bags and was time to go, Jessica found out that she didn't have her passport on her. We searched her bag then went home and searched there. Beth and my stepdaughters kept insisting that we go back to the airport or else we'd miss our flight. They insisted that Jessica stay at home with the kids. They even told the new babysitter to go home cause she was no longer needed. I refused to go and kept searching for the passport til Monica admitted that she helped Leah hide Jessica's passport to get her to stay home with the kids. I was livid I tried to get her to tell me where it was but she said Leah had it, Leah denied so I threatened to cancel the vacation that's when they gave it back. I decided to actually cancel the vacation and blew up at both of them and berated them. They stayed upstairs for a while and Beth refused to speak to me and said that I punished my stepdaughters for worrying about their kids and wanting them to stay with someone they know. I got told I overreacted and ruined the trip for everybody.
Editing to mention that kicking my stepdaughters out isn't possible since my wife co-owns the house that we currently live in. | NTA. To be honest, I would have kicked your wife and lazy no-good stepchildren out right then and there and ended the marriage.
If they were 12 I might understand this level of entitlement and immaturity. But in their late 20s???
And WTF with your wife??? She should have roasted them for pulling this BS. |
I wanna preface this by saying that I f34 married my husband m37 a year ago. His mom is snoopy and annoying af. She can't help it that is just how she is as my dear in laws say.
My husband and I purchased a new house recently. My MIL kept pushing to get an emergency key, She promised that she only use it in an emergency but giving the fact that she had an emergency key to our old apartment and walked in on us being intimate twice (but my husband didn't think it was big deal) I just couldn't trust her so I just sent her a fake key (after she kept pushing) and she had a smug on her face after I hand delivered it to her.
Days gone by and on Christmas dinner MIL angerily "called me out" on the fact I gave her a fake copy of the house key. She shamed me for doing this in front of everyone but in my defensive I asked her how she found out and she said days ago when she came over at 4 while my husband and were out. I reminded her "didn't you promise you wouldn't use it unless there's an emergency? So You tried to get in when there was no emergency and you broke the promise you made to us!" She looked red in the face and the other family started staring and some even laughed at her for the face she made. She suddenly got up from her seat and rushed into the kitchen where she had a huge meltdown so loud the next door neighbors must've heard - literally I've never heard a 60+ year old woman throw a tantrum like that. Needless to say dinner went awkward and my husband and his sister were giving me looks. My husband went off on me in the car and said I lied and manipulated and humiliated and exposed his mom and said he wouldn't have let me get away with it had he known. We had an argument and he is demanding I apologize to his mom for my childish behavior and for ruining Christmas dinner for the whole family.
AITA?
Eta so this went off unexpectedly and I thought I'd show my husband some pretty helpful comments I found here minutes ago but he got mad at me when he saw it and said I was nuts to talk about his family online. He demanded my phone so he could delete it but I refused and I went upstairs and into the bedroom. I never seen him so agitated and I didn't think he'd react like that honestly. But thank you guys for your support. It really means so much. I'll update if I can. Thanks again :) | NTA. I'd rethink my marriage if my husband put his mother over me.
Edit: spelling |
**EDIT: THE BOYFRIEND DOESNT LIVE WITH US AND DOESNT PAY RENT OR BILLS. HIM AND HIS DAUGHTES SPEND TIME HERE AND PAY ONLY FOR THEIR FOOD: SOMETHING I DO AS WELL***
My dad died suddenly about a year ago, and my mom found this really nice guy that she’s started seeing. I’m 23M and going into my final year of college. My moms boyfriend has two daughters ages 15 and 13. My mom has stepped in to be a mother figure to them, and the boyfriend has stepped into my extended family becoming everyone’s favourite uncle. And while i’m glad everyone else is comfortable, i’m not.
He isn’t a bad guy, I’m just still grieving my father, and it feels like he’s trying to replace him. He tries to set rules for me, things like chores and curfew, that my dad specifically didn’t because he thought they were ridiculous for an adult. Boyfriend thinks it’s only fair because i have siblings now. I think it’s ridiculous to have the same rules apply because of our age differences.
He’s trying to get me to share my stuff with his kids. They aren’t lacking for anything but he thinks it’s only fair because ~family~.
I live in the basement of my moms house. I have since i was 15. When you come in the front door there’s a door to the basement and the stairs to go into the house. So it’s pretty separate.
So last night i was DDing for some friends and got home at 2 am. I had nothing to do until 3pm today since classes aren’t until next week and my new job starts in 2 weeks. So this has never been a big deal with my parents. I shot my mom a text and went to bed.
Tonight though, man, boyfriend flipped. I got a lecture and sent to my room and “possible loss of car privileges.”
I snapped and laid it out for him. I told him i’m leaving the city after i graduate, i told him i’m glad my mom found a new partner but that i am not and will not be looking for a new father figure and he needs to respect that. I told him our relationship won’t be father/son for some time, and that he needs to respect me as an adult or that i won’t want to have a relationship with him.
He told my family and they think i’m the asshole. AITA? | NTA : You’re an adult so the rules shouldn’t be the same for you as they are for his teenage children. Your father recently died and neither him or your mom should be trying to push the step dad role onto you. I completely understand why you’d lose it like that. It still too soon for him to be trying to take your fathers position. He probably means no harm but he has to understand given the circumstances and why you’d feel the way you do. |
My brother is a very hardworking man and at 27 he is now very wealthy and doing well for himself. He’s been with this girl for six months and throughout the time we have gotten close because we both like hair, makeup, and shopping. I never knew there was anything wrong with their relationship except when she texted me last week I saying she would love to hang out but thinks it’ll be inappropriate because her and my brother broke up. I asked her why and she said she was sick and tired of “auditioning” to prove she was with him for the right reasons. She went on to say that my brother is paranoid she’s after his money so he would test her like 1. Leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up 2. Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet on home at purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she’s not going out with him for money 3. Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn’t.
I was shocked so I had to hear my brothers perspective. We spoke and he told me everything she said was true and that there’s nothing wrong with making sure his girlfriend is with him for the right reasons. He said he left his bank statements on the bed and was peeking through the door to see if she would be curious and when he saw her pick up the papers he knew in his gut she was using him for his money, so he set up the restaurant idea to see if she would get upset at paying a 500$ bill which she was. I asked him if he thinks her being an elementary school teacher could’ve contributed to her being upset at a 500$ bill at a restaurant he wanted to go to and he said no. He said the straw that broke was when she asked him why he hasn’t bought her a single gift since they’ve started dating when she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car and he knew she was just discretely asking him to buy her an expensive gift.
He confronted her and said he thinks she’s with him for his money so she said let me do us both a favor and dumped him and blocked him. He’s upset about the “gold digging bitch” and when I laughed he called me an asshole. He said I would never understand what’s it’s like being a rich man and being used and I get that concern, but I told him if he thinks any woman will be okay with his tests and auditions he’s delusional as hell. If he doesn’t want to be used for his money he should start dating people as wealthy as him or leave lower income people alone if he’s not going to be genuine in his relationships unless they pass his “test”. | NTA. Sounds like you told your brother the truth.
He sounds immature and testing a partner never turns out well. |
My mother died when I was 16. My dad married another woman two years later.
My grandparents, my dad's parents, HATE my stepmother. I really don't like her either.
Even after my half-siblings were born, my grandparents never warmed up to her.
My grandparents are quite wealthy. My father has been banking on this inheritance for a while. He has even been not paying into his retirement because he's so sure that he will inherit the millions.
I just found out on Saturday that I'm getting the majority of my grandparents estate. My father is getting a token amount of $50000 so he can't dispute it.
My grandparents made me promise not to give out any money after and I intend to keep my word.
But I do feel really guilty that my father just spends his money as it's coming in because he's relying on money he won't get.
I also found out my dad is in a lot of debt.
AITA for not telling him? | NTA
Your grandparents should be honest with your dad. By not telling him, they are setting you up for a LOT of drama after they die, and that's not fair to you.
Your dad shouldn't be spending recklessly and counting on inheritance money to come in and fix everything. That's ridiculously irresponsible.
Everyone in this situation is an asshole other than you. |
**UPDATED 7:50 PM:** Holy crap! Thank you for the outpour of support, everyone. I never thought posting this in an online community was going to reach the right eyes so quickly! I had written this on my lunch break and was completely blown away and brought to tears when I checked back in after work. Several people reached out with helpful resources, including a litigator on Reddit who put me in contact with a colleague who practices in my state. Apparently there is precedent and people have won against the state although it did take several years.
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My intent was to answer more questions since I wasn't able to do that while at work. I was also going to post the website as that has been a popular request, however I've been told not to continue further discussions beyond what I have already posted if I wish to pursue a civil suit.
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Just a couple things I want to address in my update here. Some people are saying I'm leaving out details. My original post was much longer but there's a 3000 character limit imposed. I had to delete a lot of things from my initial draft so I apologize if it looks like details have been left out. I did try to make sure everything that was relevant was kept. Lastly, my son is now back with me. There was a lot of paperwork and even a court hearing, but we're together now and that's what counts.
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I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your comment or private message. I'm still going through my unread messages and still have quite a lot left to read. Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, words of encouragement, and advice that you sent my way. I can't even begin to put into words how grateful I am. Again, thank you so much to all the kind strangers who went out of their way to help.
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Back in November 2018 I was arrested at work in front of my boss and co-workers. It was the most humiliating thing I've ever experienced. I later learned at the police station that I was being charged with multiple felonies. This came as a huge surprise. Luckily I was able to keep my wits and lawyer up instead of speaking with the detective. For $13,000 which completely wiped my savings, I was able to retain a criminal defense attorney. However it cost me everything and I was unable to pay my bond. This resulted in me staying in jail for a total of 54 days. At a status hearing, my attorney presented video evidence of me gassing up my car 3 hours away from where the crimes took place and I ended up having all my charges dismissed. When I finally got out I learned that I had lost my job, was in the process of being evicted, and my son was in the state's care. His mother is a heroine addict and I haven't spoken to my own parents in nearly 15 years. They wouldn't let him go to my girlfriend because they didn't consider her family.
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Since my release, I've learned that I can't sue the police and no one gives a shit that I was locked up for 54 days because the detective did poor investigation work. I've gone to the local press about this and was told that what happened to me happens quite a bit. They took down my info but never followed up. So what I did was create a website sharing my story. I also uploaded the police report and some other documents from the discovery. Literally the only reason why I was arrested was because an eye witness said they saw me. If the detective had done his job, he could have verified that I wasn't even in town on the day the crimes took place. This is what pisses me off the most. My life was ruined because of a lazy employee.
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I'm writing this now because my website is now ranked #2 on the first page of search results when you type in my town's name. I live in a touristy town and we attract a lot of visitors over the summer. My web traffic has more than quadrupled, and apparently it's gotten someone high up's attention. I received a cease and desist letter recently, which I showed to my attorney. He said sharing my experience online isn't illegal and that everything I had stated was a fact or my own opinion, protecting me from a defamation lawsuit. Yesterday I received a visit from two officers and the detective who had arrested me. He apologized, stating "mistakes can happen." They then talked to me about my website and asked if I could remove it. I said I would delete it on the condition that the detective leave his job and never do police work again. Suffice to say that isn't happening.
​
After the visit I received, I'm more pissed off that the only reason the detective apologized to me was to get me to take down my website. I don't plan to and the only one supporting this is my girlfriend. My friends think I'm being spiteful and have suggested that I just delete it. AITA for keeping my website up?
Edit: Grammar | NTA, tell them that you will take the website down for $13,000.
Edit: The armchair lawyers are out in full force today. [Click here to find out why this isn't extortion](https://www.minclaw.com/extortion-websites-demand-money-remove-negative-content/). |
My wife and I bought a four bedroom house in PA that my son lives in. Our son went to College in PA and wanted to stay in the area. So we bought the house as a second home, we live in NJ and commute into Manhattan for work. We figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together.
We pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. All was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. We met her and she seems nice enough. The announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son.
Now for the problem: The wedding !!!
We hold a little get to know you BBQ at the PA house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. We all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. A few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. The come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to NJ. I try to find out what happened. Once we get back to NJ and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. According to what I was told "We're not their kind of people". I was livid, I called my son and asked him WTH this was about. He tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding.
I let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the PA house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. It appears that they all moved into the house They ask me why I'm there, I tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, I was coming over to talk to my son. They tell me to leave their house. I lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. Tell my son I'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. I go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale.
They call my son at work and tell him what I said. Apparently they thought that he owned the house. He calls me and asks why I'm selling his house, I tell him I paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. He was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. I tell him the same as I told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then I'll get a lawyer and get them evicted.
Am I the AH for taking a hard stance on this. He is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count. | NTA.
And I want an update on this because it sounds nuts.
What kind of people do they think you are? How was your son ok with excluding his whole family? Do you think your son’s been brainwashed by his fiancée? How did he think the house was “his” when he didn’t pay the taxes on it?
So many questions. |
# Major Update: 60 Minute Contest Mode & Extension of Beta Testing to August 14.
**We have now updated the contest mode to 60 minutes after significant feedback requesting it. The Beta Test will be extended to August 14.** It has now been approximately 6 days since our test began. We ran into **overwhelmingly** positive feedback, and we thank you all for participating in our beta test so far. Please see below for some comparative information!
**We noticed MASSIVE increases in time until top comment**
> Before, the top comment was posted within the first 4.47 minutes average.
> With the 30-minute contest mode, top comment is posted around 6.82 minutes after the thread's creation (on average). (Around 30-40% increase)
> With the 60-minute contest mode, top comment is posted around 11 minutes after the thread's creation (on average). This is an INCREDIBLE increase and very rare for Reddit as a whole. We're taking this as a win. (Around 120-150% increase)
> Unfortunately, we can't ever address the issue that a comment posted 10 minutes earlier will get more visibility and upvotes. However, this has mitigated the issue slightly, and now there is a much larger window for people to write more quality comments.
**Currently, the average top comment is approximately 246 characters long (or 41 words according to Google).**
> We don't have concrete statistics for comment length prior to the change. However, we know it was much shorter. I think it was somewhere around half?
> This shows that the contest mode has allowed users to write longer comments without worrying about being first. Longer comments don't always mean higher quality, but we have noticed a powerful improvement to the overall comment quality (based on personal use and community feedback).
**More information to be seen! We will be releasing a poll shortly, along with a new thread.**
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# Original Thread Info
Hey all you assholes and judges. We recently ran a few statistics on our sub and we found a major problem. A huge percentage of our top voted comments are made in the first 5 minutes after the thread's creation. [Take a look here](https://m.imgur.com/a/vZVv1ag).
We think that's a problem. A comment shouldn't be considered "top" just because it was posted first. We want to encourage quality and thoughtful comments, rather than 3 word quips. So, we've decided to fuck with the sub.
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# Introducing ~~30-Minute~~ 60-Minute Contest Mode
For the first 60 minutes after a thread is posted, it will run **Contest Mode.** The comment order will be random, and not sorted by popularity. You will not be able to see the karma score of comments. After 30 minutes is up, you will be able to see everything again. The comment order will be "Best" instead.
**Why did we do this?** The first comment shouldn't have an unfair advantage. By opening 30 minutes of randomization, everyone posting in the first 60 minutes has a more fair and equal chance of having their comment seen by the community. No one's comment will be buried into oblivion anymore. We tried contest mode in the past, but for much longer (a few hours). It didn't work out well. A 60-minute length will not have as much of an impact on a thread's popularity, and hopefully you guys will like it better. | This sounds like it'll still encourage early commenting, but at least we have time to write out our asshole-themed rants now. |
First of I'd like to say thanks to everyone who gave their suggestions and well wishes, unfortunately I didn't get to read everybody's comments as there are too many but thanks to everyone anyway.
Now onto the update. I gave my mother a few days to calm herself down before speaking to her again, she eventually came around. She recognises that it's not optimal for my son to stay with her and that he would be better with my aunt. She knows that my brother is a slob and is giving him a good kick up the arse to get his life together and shit. I have spoken with a lawyer who has helped me with a lot of things including getting my son legally adopted by my aunt and her husband. He will still be staying with me until i... pass
As a lot of you suggested I made recordings and videos of myself giving him advice for his milestones. For example: when he looses his first tooth, turning the ages 10, 13, 16, 18, 21, his first girlfriend(or boyfriend if he likes, I've made a video in case he is in any way lgbt+) leaving secondary school, going uni, getting married or if he has any kids. There are also things I've put into writing, like how his mother died and that he was supposed to grow up with a twin brother that also sadly passed. I've also had my lawyer help me set up a little trust to will him £40,000(from my girlfriends father when he died, she put the money in a joint bank account that I got when she passed) in case he needs help with university or decides to go travelling. All I have to do now is to enjoy the time I have left with him, I've moved my younger brother into my flat so that there will be someone to find me everyday for when I go.
When I'm gone I can at least be comforted by the fact that the son I love so much is being taken care of and that I will see the girl I love again and our other angel I never got to meet.
Thank you all again
Edit: this is op's brother writing this edit, he has since died | Hope you read this. You're an amazing father |
Throwaway because husband told me I was TA and want to know before I get home and argue. On phone format is bad.
I was in a higher end department store today (rhymes with loomingtales) and happened to end up next to two teenage aged girls while shopping. One of the girls had picked out a pair of VERY expensive boots and they were both fawning over them. Second girl must have looked at price tag and asks boots girl if she’s really gonna spend that much on boots. Girl with boots says something along the lines of “it’s fine I have my dads credit card I’m not paying ” which instantly caught my attention because THATS NOT HER CARD. I’ve told my son multiple times he’s never allowed to use my card so I’m interested to see how this girl thinks she’s going to get away with fraud but had split up from the girls at this point because they had found something else.
We end up at the same register (me behind) and I see her total hit well over four digits. The girl is about to swipe her card when I decide that I can’t let her get away with something like this and someone has to parent this kid if no one else will. I tell cashier that isn’t her card but her father’s and I’m not sure she has permission. Girl and friend turn and glare at me giving me possibly the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen. I swear this girl was going to throw a tantrum right there, I don’t think she was ever told no.
Girl tells cashier her father gave her the card to shop with because it’s the stores credit card and it gives him the points. Now that I’ve pointed out it wasn’t hers cashier tells her she can’t use that card. Girl tries to show ID to prove they have the same last name ( yeah that will help) and I tell her it’s still fraud. Girl says it’s not fraud because she has permission and tells me to mind my own business. I tell her that it is my business that she’s doing something illegal she needs to pay with her own card or I call the cops. Girl is pissed now and people are glaring at me. She uses her own card and leaves crying. Cashier looks mad at me and I tell my husband when I get home only for him to agree I was in the wrong.
So Reddit, ATIA? | YTA
Did it ever occur to you that she was telling the truth and her dad had given her his credit card? Mind your own business.
Edit: Holy shit this blew up. To everyone saying that she could have taken the card without permission, you are right. But it is still none of OP’s business and there is no way to know for sure.
If the girl was an adult who said she was using her husband’s card, OP likely wouldn’t have batted an eye. |
I am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. Both of them had spouses at the time. My birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when I was conceived so there was no way I was his. A few months after I was born they decided not to divorce. I was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
Both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that I am adopted by my grandparents. Recently I decided that I wanted to know more about my dad's family and I sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so I could get to know him. Well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over Skype. They both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
Well I did pretty much the opposite. I contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. She is now divorcing him while on my mother's side I told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
Currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off I feel like I unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. AITA for ruining my parents marriages? | NTA
You didn’t ruin anything - they did.
Your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were.
The only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. You did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden. |
I (37M) have three girls; 8, 10, and 12. Their mother walked out on us for another man when our youngest was around 4. My ex still stays in contact, though, and pays child support.
A few weeks ago while doing laundry, I saw red spots on my oldest's underwear. I asked her if she knew about it, and she cried and told me she tried to call her mom, but my ex didn't call back. She'd been stuffing toilet paper in her underwear, hoping that would work. I explained to her that periods are nothing to be ashamed of, and found some great resources online for us to review together. I took her to the store to pick out brands of feminine products she wanted to use (she picked Playtex Sport because she's a gymnast).
After we were done, I decided I should do the same thing with my other two. My 12yo volunteered to be part of preparing them, and we made a whole night of it; it was wonderful, and I learned a lot. I even learned what a menstrual cup is, and how they benefit the environment.
The other day, my ex called back. I'll usually arrange a video chat and leave the room so they can have some alone time, and when they're done chatting, I'll come back in to talk boring co-parenting stuff like school, bills, etc. This last time, my ex was FURIOUS with me for talking about periods with the girls. She shouted at me that I was sick and perverted, why didn't I call her myself if I knew it was so urgent, I could've called one of their grandmas/aunts, but my mom has dementia, while her mom and sisters call me a loser because I teach kindergarten, so I'm not fond of them.
My ex told me I was being immature and should have just toughed it out for the girls. This really pissed me off, so I shouted back that maybe if she wasn't such a deadbeat and answered her goddamned phone once in a while, she could have handled this. I brought up everything she does that hurts them; she hasn't been to a single soccer game, piano recital, or gymnastics meet in two years, every other weekend when they come home from her house, they go straight to their rooms, only to emerge hours later asking me why she loves her new husband more than them, and what did they do to make her leave. My ex responded by saying I should tell them it's not their fault I couldn't satisfy her, and I screamed "fuck you", and she just smirked and pointed behind me, saying "Look what you did"
When I turned around, my 8yo and 10yo were standing in the doorway crying. It broke my heart; I never shout, so I know I scared them. My 12yo stormed in and started screaming at her mom, and while I appreciate her sticking up for me, this is not a battle I want her fighting. My ex hung up before I could fully deescalate the situation, and let's just say the girls have been given free reign of the ice cream and limitless hours of video games, because I feel so bad. I even watched all the Twilight movies with them, so don't say I don't love them. But in this instance, AITA for shouting? | NTA
***Have you considered they were crying because of how you were treated rather than the fact you lost your temper?*** It's easy to assume the worst. Children are more observant than we give them credit for.
That your daughter defended you right away pretty much makes it impossible to consider you an asshole.
Looking at it from a pure logic standpoint, isn't it better they learn not to expect anything from their mom early in life?
Certainly, you shouldn't have lost your temper in front of children, but no one is perfect, especially when someone is calling you perverted for being a great single dad.
You also had no idea they were there listening so closely.
Honestly you are way too hard on yourself to even think you needed to post here.
Keep on being a great dad xD |
My son was smart. Smarter than me. I almost requested a paternity test because he was so damn intelligent. THAT IS A JOKE.
My ex and I divorced when he was about 12. She remarried when he was 14. I did when he was 16.
I had an RESP set up for him. That's a education fund in Canada. As long as he went for post secondary education he could use the money for anything.
I always told him that I was okay with him not going to university. That way I could use the money I had saved up for him to go to Belgium and buy some beer from monks that only allow you to buy one case.
He knew I was joking and he always played along. He wouldn't let me get his goat.
When he got accepted to McGill it was the proudest moment of my life. I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and mourn the loss of my trip to Europe.
My son was struck and killed by a drunk driver in March. I'm dealing with it. My ex is dealing with it. My wife has been nothing but my rock in this. She is holding me up.
I was dealing with the funeral arrangements and everything when my ex came to talk to me about his money. She knew he had a scholarship and was just going to use the money for living expenses and an emergency fund. She asked me what I was going to do with it.
I said I was going to do what I always said I would. I was going to Europe to drink beer. She asked if she could have it for her step son. I thought about it and said no. Her husband is a decent enough person but he made it clear that he wasn't responsible for any expenses for my son. Beyond food and shelter and stuff obviously. Like I said he is decent.
I said I was not going to do that. I was going to go drink beer in my son's honour.
She says I'm wasting thousands of dollars. And I guess I am. I have to give back the government portion of the fund. But I don't care.
My ex thinks I'm being stupid and irresponsible wasting my son's money like this.
I don't care.
My son would laugh his ass off if he knew I actually did it. | NTA. Sorry for your loss. I thought it was a clickbait title but this is a sad fucking post. I hope you enjoy your trip and pour out some for your homie. It sounds like you guys had a good relationship. |
I'm not really a photographer, I'm a dog groomer. I take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my Facebook and Instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. A cut and a photo with every appointment. I very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if I have a nice set up.
A friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if I'd shoot it for them. I told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and I agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event.
On the day of, I'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. I shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception I'm shooting speeches and people mingling.
I started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. Around 5pm, food is being served and I was told I cannot stop to eat because I need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. I'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. It's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110F and there's no AC.
I told the groom I need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. There's no open bar or anything, I can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. He tells me I need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. With the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, I asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so I deleted all the photos I took in front of him and took off saying I'm not his photographer anymore. If I was to be paid $250, honestly at that point I would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min.
Was I the asshole? They went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses. | NTA at all. You could have risked your health and they treated you like shit. |
I'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. I've always been the type to have a side hustle I put a lot of my free time into; I get really bored sitting idle.
My freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. So that's how I value my time.
Anyway, over Christmas vacation, I was staying at my parents house. My cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from Christmas to new year's.
I'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when I had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. I wasn't in any rush; I was already ahead of schedule on them all, but I didn't really have anything else to do. It was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything
Then my cousin and her husband asked if I could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. I said I had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit.
I said I could if they got close to my freelance rates. She wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 I didn't feel like that was right, it was high. But I didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work I had for my freelance project. I don't know a lot about kids and I've never babysat for long, and I had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult.
So I said $35, which is below what I make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum I'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work.
And she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that I was entitled and being selfish, that I'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
I said that's way below what I'd be making if I had the time to do my own work, and I'd be putting off my own work to babysit.
Her husband then got mad at me saying that I was a 24 year old girl, that I'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. And that I was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when I grew up and have kids of my own I will see how stupid I was being.
I was kind of done with being called stupid so I just told them I hoped they could find someone else.
My mom thinks that I asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too.
AITA for giving that number? | NTA. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? Even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. Obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job. |
Almost 2 months ago I made a post on here about me throwing my daughter’s clothes onto the drawer when they weren’t folded neatly. Well that post really blew up, people on Twitter also chimed in.
Well the night I made the post, I was still in serious denial. I replied to some comments and my denial was perfectly clear for everyone to see.
The day after I read some more comments and messages I received from everyone. I resorted to the guest room and cried for hours. I read some people tell me that their moms were similar to me and they no longer have relationships with them. That was truly my worst fear, I seriously love my kids more than anything on this planet even if my actions don’t always show it.
I booked a virtual appointment with a phycologist, who diagnosed me with OCD and let me know she would help me. I have since had about 8 sessions with her and she has been a big help. Of course I still have a long way to go but I have been noticing some improvements already.
As for my daughter, she stayed at my sister’s house and came home a few days later after I told her that there would be major improvements made in my behavior. I sat all the kids down and told them that I have the resources to not be such an overbearing asshole to them anymore.
One thing I do want to address is the fact that I was usually controlling with my kids, but the incident I wrote about was the one that sent both me and my daughter over the edge.
Me and her are on much better terms. I want to thank Reddit for waking me the hell up to become a better mom and wife. I also want to apologize to anyone who I brought back bad memories to. I want to have relationships with my children until we all grow old and I know so many of you guys don't have that, which breaks my heart but also hearing your stories gave me a big change of heart and are helping me fix my relationships and become a better person. | Hey, good for you on taking the initiative and changing for the better! I hope your kids admire the changes you're making to be a better parent to them. OCD is super hard without help to manage, so congrats! |
Quick recap on [my first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ibbwws/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_the_place_i_bought_with/). I spent several years working as a stripper, at the end of which I was able to buy my own flat. I'd been with my boyfriend for about 18 months, and I'm currently around 3 months pregnant. With the news of the baby incoming, my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together, and when I refused he called me irrational. I thought I was TA because of that, plus my sister sided with him.
Now for the update, because a lot of people asked for one. First off, I dumped him. He initially said that he doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple, but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support, but if he gets majority then *I* end up paying *him* (he actually said that was his reasoning). He also runs his own startup, and admitted the startup is basically done for, and he was hoping that when I sold my place I could also put a cash injection into his business with the money, so basically this was all about money for him (and I have extensive documentation of all of this). There's going to be a legal case, but I've gotten legal advice, and it looks like I'll be able to get sole custody, which is what I intend to go for. In the last couple weeks, my sister has doubled down and is trying to get me to fix things with my ex because "a baby should have a complete family", so I've not been involving her in my pregnancy, which she is *furious* about. She also told our parents, which *I* am furious about, so we're not speaking right now.
I also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. When I first posted, between my boyfriend and my sister, I was genuinely convinced I was in the wrong, so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realise that I shouldn't doubt myself so much, and with that realisation, plus everything going on right now, I've decided to go to therapy, which I will be starting next week.
All in all, the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in the flat I own. And honestly? Pretty decent outcome. | I have to call crap to “the baby needs a complete family”. A kid can have a mom and dad and still have a dysfunctional family. Single parent, two parent, parents of the same sex it doesn’t matter. Your ex sounds controlling and a leech. All the reasons he wants to be together or be a father are more for his benefit.
Good luck to you, OP and your baby. It might be a long road ahead but you can do this. You’ve made it this far |
I'm the VP of Sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of April, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. Now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. He's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. His job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. Because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. He's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. Our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long.
We called him into a meeting on Friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. Told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. I thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude.
I told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts.
AITA?
​
\*\*Update\*\*\*
Holy fuck this blew up, I know this was shitty of me now. And I reached out to him to see how he's holding up. He's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. I offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted. | YTA for firing him without first going through the steps of describing his issues to him and giving him a chance to improve. He's been back for only 2-3 weeks.
It's not about "having heart", it's about making a dumb business decision for both you and him. So much smarter to work with this guy to get him back on track after a temporary setback than to push the eject button and have to find and start over with a new person. Dumb. |
**ETA**: There may have been some confusion as to my gf's reaction, she was ashamed her family dug so deep into me, not about my response. After wanting to die for the next 48 hours she agreed I did the right thing and that it was funny
Backstory: due to my dad's job we lived in Italy for 3 years when I was younger, so I speak Italian almost fluently (it's been awhile, so I've lost some of it)
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Recently I started dating a girl. She's great and I love her so much. I met her family a few nights ago for dinner. She warned me that the male side of her family is very big into being macho, into "testing" the boys the women date and are VERY big on taking pride in their Italian ancestry. I think besides the grandfather, however, they were almost all born in Bergen County, NJ but whatever, its nice to take pride in ones heritage.
​
Long story short at dinner they kept making jokes at my expense (I honestly would not call it bullying, just things about my height, beard, shaved head). They tried making fun of my IT job too but stopped once I told them my income. It was overall not a bad experience, but a not so pleasant one. Anyways, her older brother kept pushing things, giving me exceptional amounts of shit for playing Lacrosse in HS (apparently its a sport for prissy rich kids and not manly like football or baseball). He ended his rant by saying "hey, we're just a big Italian family, we're loud and tell it how we see it! Hahaha!" and all the family except my girlfriend laughed. So I, for the next minute, responded to everything they said in Italian. My girlfriend buried her head in shame, the grandfather laughed and everyone else kept looking at each other confused before telling me they didn't speak Italian. I replied "then don't use your Italian heritage as an excuse to behave poorly when you can't even speak the language." They got mad, but the grandfather told them all I was right and to be quiet.
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My girlfriend isn't mad, just ashamed, I think the grandfather likes me, but word from my gf's sister is that all the men are furious, think I'm a smart ass and that I disrespected them and their masculinity in an unforgiveable way. So AITA? | LOL NTA. The grandad knows it! He probably half rolls his eyes every time they say they are Italian when he knows he’s the last speaker. You shut them down in the most epic/appropriate way possible! Your girlfriend should be proud flaunting that her boyfriend is more Italian than any of them. |
I’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so I’m hoping I won’t be judged on my grammar
Here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . He convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which I today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and
After 5pm was split 50/50, Sunday was my day off and I was brought out twice a week.
On to the story- on my last visit I noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so I,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend.
I was preparing on Thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. I pressed her a little and I’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” I was honestly disgusted. I convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa I even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. When she dropped me off the kids I begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. She left for the spa while I left for the bar (she knew I was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids)
Here’s were I might be the asshole I when to the bar were he and his friends were, I sat down next to the Group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short I humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar
My dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage
Maybe I should have stayed out i don’t know
Edit I just wanted to say I’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked I’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour I just want to say as a mother my advice is
Treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want YOUR children to treated. Respect goes along way | NTA. It sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. It's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. Also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse. |
This is a short one. Names changed for privacy.
I went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo I wanted. It was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. But the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked EXACTLY as it did in the photo.
I get to the shop, I explain everything, I pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, I think it looks awesome, everything is great! Until a few weeks later when I show my great grandmother the tattoo. She’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “Who’s AJ?”
I ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials A and J or maybe T were hidden into the tattoo. I’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is Alice Trever. She tries to assure me it’s no big deal if I hadn’t noticed it til now, but I still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. They told me the style of art I got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. I demanded a partial refund and they refused, so I complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund.
Now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. My sister says I’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but I feel like, at the end of the day, I told you exactly what I wanted and you didn’t do that. AITA? | NTA and I would even consider suing. They kind of branded you with their initials...
And they should get fired ... |
My 20 year old daughter and her fiancé are currently staying with us. I love my daughter but she is very difficult and I can’t stand her fiancé. I gave them a deadline to move out because I can’t take this anymore.
They got into a massive fight the other day while my wife was out. I guess a pair of my wife’s underwear got in with their laundry and she thought he was cheating. I think the fact she immediately jumped to cheating shows how bad their relationship is.
She was waving the underwear around and I recognized them because they had a floral print but I just let this ridiculous fight go on. My wife came home after about thirty minutes and said they were hers. My wife asked if I didn’t realize they were hers and I accidentally laughed.
My daughter burst into tears and won’t talk to me. Her fiancé said we’re fucked and left the house but my wife thought it was funny. | you might be the asshole but i am LIVING for it
edit: my personal verdict is YTA but I'd like to invoke Shitman v. Frickboy which states that in times of outlandish or otherwise infantile behaviour, assholery may, subject to scrutiny, be permitted. |
Here's the [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/za73bi/aitaa_for_taking_my_niece_to_court_over_a_coat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
So here is a quick update, since the situation has been resolved.
When my husband got home, I told him what happened and showed him the video.
He asked if I spoke with my BIL and I said no, all my conversations were with my sister. He said that he will take care of it.
Now, a disclaimer: I understand nothing when it comes to insurance claims, and this is what my husband told me/I understood happened.
My husband talked with my BIL, told him exactly what happened and showed him the *prank* video. Then he told him that the coat was insured, we will be filing a claim and submitting the video, and we might have to file charges for the claim (he assured him that we would be dropping the charges, we do not want to send niece to jail).
Then he told him that one of two things might happen: after our insurance pays us, they will come after them. If their insurance pays, their premium will skyrocket. If it doesn't, they might sue them, and might get a lien on their house.
My BIL asked if there was a way he could pay us without involving insurance, my husband told him that that was what we wanted at first, but that my sister insisted that they will not be paying us back.
Apparently, my BIL was not in the know, and he was very pissed off at what my niece did, and my sister's response.
So they came to this solution: my niece's car will be sold, and if it doesn't fetch the whole compensation money, she will have to get a job and pay me the whole check untill it is paid off. Also she is grounded for the rest of the school year.
I am thankful for the people who encouraged me to talk with my husband. | That's a fair outcome that avoids lifetime level consequences for the niece and still stings hard enough to make the point. Communication is always a good place to start and very glad your BIL stepped up to handle the situation appropriately. |
I’m Asian, more specifically one of the only Chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days.
So the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. I reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some BS like that. Then I got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that I suspect were from her, and I just kept blocking them until I guess she gave up because I wasn’t reacting.
My school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. On the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while I’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “Are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?”
Other people around me fucking laughed, and I’m sure I don’t have to explain this, but I felt fucking humiliated. It finally felt like I got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and I already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me.
I don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously I try to avoid her, but I did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. I’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but I just wanted to show her how I felt for once, so I said, “I’d be less concerned with what I’m eating if I were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. Stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.”
Other students nearby told me I went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT I WAS ASIAN?!?! She literally fucking cried, like I didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. She’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since I plan on transferring anyways. | NTA, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop.
Edit: Holy cow! I have never received this amount of upvotes on a comment before :) |
My (27F) older brother and SIL (both mid 30's) just welcomed their first child a year and a half ago, after YEARS of trying. After many failed attempts, SIL was told that she wouldn't be able to conceive due to a medical condition she has, they finally got pregnant.
Since having my niece, the baby has been the center of attention at EVERY family even we've had since she was born. Birthday's, wedding's, family get togethers, you name it. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE my niece, but it can get to be a little too much when my SIL goes on and on about how long they tried to conceive, complications they've had, miscarriages they've had etc. Like a little TOO much info. Many family members have commented on how it's a little bit excessive, but no one has said anything because they don't want to sound like an AH.
Anyway I'm getting married in the spring and my brother and SIL approached me last weekend about having my niece be the flower girl.
Now my fiancé (35M) has two children (10M and 6F) from his previous marriage. His son is one of his groomsmen while his daughter had asked to be our flower girl when we told them the news that we were getting married a year ago, as it's something she always wanted to do, so of course we said yes.
So I explained this to my SIL when she asked me about my niece. She asked if my step daughter can just carry my niece with her? I said I don't think she'd be comfortable with that considering she's 6.
She then asked why I can't give that role to my niece, and allow herself to carry my niece down as the flower girl? I said no because I already promised my step daughter.
She then starting going off about how my lack of effort to incorporate my niece is disgusting to her. I should "honor her" in some way since I know how long and hard they tried for my niece.
Now I may sound like an AH for this but I kind of got fed up and snapped and said
"Incorporate my niece how? By the time the wedding comes around she'll be 2 years old. The ENTIRE family already knows your story about how long and hard you guys tried for her. What more do you expect me to do to honor her?"
She started crying and said that clearly I don't love my one and only niece and I'm "letting her down". I said of course I love my niece, and obviously she's going to be involved in pictures and stuff. But I'm not going to let my step daughter down by giving my niece a role she's too young to remember anyway.
Well now SIL and my brother are pissed off with me for not letting my niece be flower girl, and are running around telling the rest of the family I don't love my niece. My mom had been trying to stay neutral but thinks my step daughter would understand if I explained to her I need to give that role to my niece.
I'm firm in my decision though, and my fiancé is thankful that I didn't let his daughter down. AITA for not allowing my niece to be the flower girl? | NTA. Let them be pissed. If ever there was a time to take a stand for your stepdaughter, it is now. Without knowing her story, or how she came to be part of your life. She's 6 years old, and you've made a commitment to be in her life. The moment you make it official revolves around her as much as it does you.
You absolutely have every right to honor the stepdaughter over the niece, and these first moments as stepmom are going to cause the ripple that forms the pond that is your relationship for her whole life.
Trust me, if you back down now, and give her spot away, it's going to ruin more than just your wedding.
ETA thanks for all the upvotes!! I never expected all that 🥰
Omg thank you for the awards!!!! 🤩 |
So my friend 20f and I 19m have been friends for a few years and she recently got engaged.
A week ago I got a dm from her for a small costume party she was hosting as a celebration for her getting engaged. I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn’t. I’m a cosplayer so I had a lot of choices.
I didn’t want to rock up in an anime cosplay, so I thought it would be funny to go to an engagement party as the Corpse Bride. I arrived at her house yesterday and everything seemed normal. A few people complemented my costume and I was having a lot of fun.
After ten minutes my friend’s fiancé walked out in a black tuxedo and announced this was actually their wedding. Apparently my friend saw a video of someone doing this and wanted to do the same.
He asked us all to go to the back yard for the ceremony to begin. I went straight to him. I asked him if I should quickly go home and change my outfit and that I would get back before it started. He told me it was fine since I didn’t know this was the wedding.
I trusted him and followed everyone outside. They got married and everything seemed good. The reception was just in their house again so everyone just walked back inside and picked up where they left off. I tried talking to my friend and celebrating with her but she kept making excuses to not talk to me.
I assumed it was just because she was tried from the big day and wanted some alone time. I didn’t bother her after that and the party soon ended.
I got home and half an hour passed when my phone started getting notifications. I checked and it was my friend texting me. She was cussing me out and telling me how I ruined her wedding. I was really confused and asked what I did.
That only made her more angry. She told me it was basic knowledge not to wear a wedding dress to a wedding. I reminded her I had no idea it was a wedding and that I asked her now husband if I should change and he said it was fine.
She didn’t respond, but I got a text from her husband. He asked why I would tell her he said it was fine. I told him he said it was fine. Then he said how I should have changed anyways and it’s my fault that the two are now fighting over this.
I’ve tried texting her that I wad sorry and if I had known I wouldn’t have done it. I woke up today and saw her and her husband have blocked me on everything.
So, AITA for not changing out of the wedding dress when I found out it was actually a wedding?
Edit: I am a guy. I cosplayed the character Emily from The Corpse Bride and had blue paint all over. I’m also Australian and I’ve never heard a costume party meaning fancy. Everyone was dressed up in funny costumes
Update: https://www.reddit.com/user/DanWantsDeath/comments/11l42nb/update_aita_for_wearing_a_wedding_dress_to_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf | NTA.
The facts of this are pretty simple.
1. You were told this is a *costume party* so you wore a costume.
2. When asked about a theme you were not given any restrictions.
3. *They* sprung a surprise wedding on *you*.
4. Once you realized this you asked the groom if you should go home and change *and the groom said no*.
They had multiple chances to get you to change and they didn't take any of them so getting mad with you after the fact doesn't make any sense.
*Edited format. Mobile is hard. |
This happened just a few hours ago. I am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women.
On Thursday, a person I had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. She had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point I realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so I found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. After sending a couple of greetings/questions about how I've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if I would get the beer. The drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. The liquor stores in my area all card.
I thought it was silly that my being a month older meant I could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so I said I would love to go. She said "thanks, I'll pick you up at seven!"
7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. I went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. When we got there, I asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get Budweiser. I hid my disappointment as well as I could, but it was her party so I went in and bought two cases of 24.
I got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. I noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. I thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. When she turned down my street I finally figured it out. She was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me I wasn't actually invited in the first place.
She stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. I deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me I wasn't invited. She feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. I sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. She got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but I told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. I opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room.
Now I'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and I have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why I'm being such a dick. I don't think I'm the asshole for reacting the way I did, but if you haven't figured it out I'm not amazing socially so I'm not sure. Am I here? | Nta. Blatantly.
How did she expect this to go?
You'd happily go buy her beer, then take it to the party, then leave, without partying or drinking your beer?
They have to all be a bit cracked in the head if they believe that was ever going to work.
I'd take a snapchat of me pouring that down a toilet before I ever gave it to them.
Im so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can move past what a nasty piece of work this girl (not woman) is. |
Background: I graduated from college 4 years ago live at home with my parents. My sister graduated 2 years ago and also lives with my parents. We both got jobs pretty much straight out of college. I pay my parents $800/month in rent since my first paycheck.
This is a throwaway and it's still fresh and I'm really emotionally charged right now. Last night my parents were talking loudly about their financial problems in the living room. I overheard and I offered to help by paying more in rent (I was thinking $900-1000) since it covers utilities/phone/internet. My parents were grateful. Now, prior to this, I never asked my how much sister pays in rent. I always figured my parents charged us the same. So absentmindedly I asked a follow-up question.
Me: How much is [my sister] paying [for rent]?
My Mom: Nothing.
A long ass pause.
Me: What do you mean she doesn't pay rent?
My Dad (visibly angry): Your sister doesn't pay a fucking thing!
My dad explained how my sister recently bought a brand new car and hasn't paid insurance on it so my dad had to pay for it. She doesn't pay rent. She doesn't pay utilities/phone/anything. So for the past 2 years she's been living rent free while I've been paying my parents.
So later that night we had a family sit down talk. My sister didn't want to pay rent, especially at how much I was paying. She offered $100. My parents suggested she pay $300, I pay $800 which my sister and I both rejected.
The conversation ended with this:
Sister: **FUCK YOU. I'M TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE.** [These were her exact words which pissed me the fuck off to holy hell)
So my sister storms off to her room and it's now me, my parents in the living room. I'm extremely upset at this because it's massively unfair. My mom is upset that everyone's angry at each other and my dad's angry my sister won't pay rent and she won't move out and both my parents don't want to police involved.
So I say my part before leaving.
Me: I'm not going to pay any more rent until she does. (It's only fair right?) And if I do pay rent, I pay whatever she's being.
My mom: What if she pays $300 and you pay $800-
Me: No.
My mom: But [me], we really need the money...
Me: That's too bad.
I get up and go off to my room.
So this morning my dad comes in tells me that I'M AN ASSHOLE FOR NOT PAYING RENT. That I should pay rent because it's the right thing to do and all this shit. I'm like, "what the hell? make [my sister] pay rent!"
My mom, who's listening in.
"You've seen her! She won't listen to us!"
Me: WELL THAT'S TOO BAD.
My mom (really angry): WELL WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM IF YOU DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE YOUR SISTER PAY RENT.
That was the last straw that blew it for me. I slammed the door on my parents.
As I'm typing this my parents are in the living room discussing how both their children are rotten and shit was better back in the home country/back in their day when kids listened to their parents. Like wtf? | NTA
You've paid about $19000 in rent **while** your sister has paid nothing? Oh hell no. Your parents are being ridiculous, and your sister is a user.
How financially difficult would it be for you to leave? I wouldn't want to stay with them if it was me.
Edit: People keep pointing out that OP has paid roughly $38000 in the last 4 years. It isn't that I can't do maths, I was making the point that OP paid $19000 *while the sister has lived there for free over the last two years*.
Edit 2: my first ever silver! Thank you kind stranger! And my first comment thanking a stranger for silver, so many firsts in one day! |
I [29F] dated a guy Joe (30M) for 3 months before he left me to go back to his ex Kim (30F). Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and now I’m at 24 weeks. I let him know and he was ecstatic. Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and would likely never be able to get pregnant naturally and he has always wanted to be a father. Getting back together was out of the question for both of us so he’s still with his girlfriend.
Joe was only allowed at the initial appointment because of COVID-19 and we found out I was having twins. According to Joe when he told Kim she had a mental breakdown about her infertility, and wanted to talk to me. I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother. She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kid to call her Mama since they would be calling me Mommy. I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left.
Kim continued to be overbearing and texting me everyday about my eating habits, exercise habits, and bitching about how her job wouldn’t let her take maternity leave. At the virtual genetics counseling appointment, she attended instead of Joe and took over the whole meeting trying to talk about her family history which wasn’t relevant. When it came time for my 20 week level 2 scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do. Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party. I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins “the non-traditional way” and how blessed she was. I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut. Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media. I wasn’t even invited. She also announced that she’s having a baby shower. I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born. I then called Joe and reiterated all of this and stated that I would not be seeing either of them until we went to family court and that my mother would be my birthing partner. He and Kim and some of her friends and family are saying I’m an asshole and her mother even called and insisted I give her one of my babies like this is the Parent Trap? So AITA?
EDIT: I’m definitely getting a lawyer ASAP. Y’all have scared the shit out of me but I’m happy you did.
UPDATE: I never considered that this could’ve happened on purpose. We used condoms because I do not react well to hormonal birth control and I had to wait to get a non-hormonal IUD because of other medical issues. The Thursday I posted this, I went to the police and they stated that there was nothing they could do because a crime hadn’t been committed. In my state orders of protection are criminal or family so I was able to get one against Joe. On Friday, I did get a lawyer and they let me know in my state there was nothing I could do as far as custody before the babies are born, so I will be leaving my state soon to ensure that this isn’t my babies home state and I can’t be charged with anything.
However, someone sent this post to Kim and she came to my job, damaged my car, and broke a bunch of office windows. I work with kids so she was arrested for not just the criminal damage and trespassing but also child endangerment so hopefully that works in my favor. Also if Joe did it on purpose, I don’t think Kim knew, because she was screaming at me about how I stole her life and everything I had was supposed to be hers.
Update: I have orders of protection against both Kim and Joe. I left the state anyway and Joe and Kim started harassing me again because there’s no legal jurisdiction when you leave the state, but I have enough evidence that I was able to press charges in my current state as well and will be pursuing a restraining order here. | Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I think I might be the asshole because I called my kids’ future stepmother put publicly in her social media and will not be interacting with them until family court.
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Since we just blew past 800,000 subscribers, it occurs to me that a half million of you may have arrived here since the last time I ranted about voting on this sub. So, if you just got here from the front page or subscribed in the last month, first of all: Welcome to the sub! Second of all, cut your shit out, you're ruining our nice little discussion.
You may not need to hear this, but a whole lot of people evidently do, so here are a couple of guidelines for how to vote like an adult:
* **Upvote real dilemmas**. If you see a post where you actually have trouble deciding whether the OP is an asshole or not, **UPVOTE IT**, because that's an interesting post!!
* **Upvote assholes who aren't trolling**. If you see a post where you think the OP is an asshole, but you doubt that he realizes he did anything wrong, **UPVOTE IT** and grab your popcorn, because this is going to be fun!
* **Stop rewarding validation posts**. Upvotes are not a political statement. They aren't something you give because the OP is really nice. Every time people upvote a boring, obvious post because the OP is admirable and blameless, they aren't rewarding the OP, they're ruining the sub. If you want to tell OP they're great, write an NTA comment and praise them all you want. Don't ruin our front page because you want to reward someone who gave 1,000 free meals to starving kids but still wants to know if they're the asshole because kid number 789 didn't like taste of his quinoa. Give them gold, and stay the hell away from the orange arrow.
As you can see, stupid voting makes mods angry. Judging by the amount of whining we catch when an obvious validation post gets 5k upvotes, it makes subscribers angry too. What makes everyone happy is using your upvote to promote content *that belongs here and that other people will be interested in*. This is how upvotes work everywhere on reddit, but surprisingly, no one seems to accept this. Please be the better person and vote correctly here. Interesting content depends on it! (If you think a post breaks a rule or is too low value to tolerate, reporting is always an option.)
Also important: In the comments, show a little backbone. **Don't downvote everyone you disagree with.** If you say the post is NTA, and someone else says it's ESH, you're both contributing, and you're both making the discussion interesting. If you downvote whoever you disagree with, you take a conversation that might have been an interesting interaction, and push it one step closer to being a meaningless echo chamber. There are plenty of places to go and circle-jerk with people who already think the same way you do; if that's what you want, please go there. The whole idea of this sub is to consider everyone else's opinion, not just reinforce your own. If you can't handle seeing an idea you don't agree with getting a little attention, please unsubscribe and GTFO. You have come to the wrong place.
P.S. If you have read this far and not unsubscribed, thank you. Maybe you're not an asshole after all.
Edit: I see a lot of people in this discussion suggesting rules we already have in place. I suggest you read the full rule book and the FAQ if you think you've got a new idea.
* **Rule Book**: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index)
* **FAQ:** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) | I feel like my dad just came in my room and bitched me out for something my friend did. |
I (40m) have a sister (30f) who is getting married in a week. The groom proposed to her a year ago at a family dinner that left everyone speechless, but very happy for them as they are longtime companions. During this dinner, my sister asked my son (17m) to make her wedding dress. My son has always loved design and fashion, he took technical courses in these areas and sewing, and even his friends keep asking for his clothes because they are so beautiful. He agreed, but said that he needed time and that he would need her opinion constantly.
At first my sister was very annoying. My son drew about 50 dress designs in a month and she only liked one, which he continued with. He sewed it with great quality fabric which I paid for as I wanted to get involved in a certain way. For five months he made several adjustments to suit her wishes, as she always complained about something. After a while, he arrived at the final model and it was just amazing. My mother cried seeing my sister in the dress and I confess that I almost got emotional too.
The problem was that last week my son came to talk to me about the wedding invitation that had not arrived for him, but for other family members. I thought maybe he didn't need one, but it still felt weird. I messaged my sister raising this issue and she replied that she didn't want any underage people at her wedding because there would be alcohol. I asked if she was going to make an exception for my son, but she cut me off and said no.
There are no children in our family, my son is the only minor, so I didn't see any sense in this rule for family members. And to make matters worse, my son was very sad and cried because he spent months on this dress and couldn't go to the wedding. I was very upset and told my sister that she should look for another dress as soon as possible, as she would no longer wear the one my son made.
She called and yelled at me, saying I was being unreasonable and that I couldn't do this. My mother called me saying I should deliver the dress and follow the rules, but I didn't and hung up on her. Because of this, the family is divided. Many agree with me and condemn my sister's action saying she could only make an exception, but another part says I'm unreasonable and I'm spoiling her big day.
I don't think I'm being wrong but just rational and paying her back in kind. So AITA?
UPDATE:
first I would like to thank all the comments and suggestions, I really didn't expect my post to resonate so much.
I talked to my son about the suggestions you guys gave me and he agreed to sell the dress at market price. He calculated the price of everything and the value was quite high. We sent the proposal to my sister and she hated it. She said she couldn't afford it because it was too expensive and it should be a gift because "she is family". I responded by saying that it was too easy to say she was family to get a free dress, but not enough to include my son. She cried on the call and begged me not to ruin her day, but I didn't call because that to me was bullshit.
At no point did she offer to just let my son go or apologize for it.
And for anyone who said that maybe she's homophobic, I'm not sure, but I think who could be influencing her is her fiancé who is a Christian and has never been close to my son. However, I don't care if he's doing it or not. If she wants to exclude my son from this event then she will also be cutting ties with me.
And for those who are asking for a photo of the dress, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but my son didn't agree and unfortunately I won't post it because of that.
If anything else happens I'll let you know, until then, thank you all! | NTA. He should go, and wear the dress. |
Previous Post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1oy5c/aita\_if\_i\_cancel\_christmas\_because\_i\_cant\_afford/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1oy5c/aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant_afford/)
So, it's been 2 weeks and somehow the messages are still coming in. Thankfully the offers of charity have stopped (here's hoping they were redirected to their communities) but a good deal of them asking whether or not I stopped being a grinch and started being a good husband and father again. So, to get those people placated first, here you go: I DECORATED. Pics without our faces only, sorry.
[https://imgur.com/H4b2Cak](https://imgur.com/H4b2Cak)
[https://imgur.com/QySEGOS](https://imgur.com/QySEGOS)
[https://imgur.com/w074cpg](https://imgur.com/w074cpg)
​
I also spoke with a financial advisor, who is helping me set up a budget for 2020, and a counselor who helped me realize that I was worth more than the goods I could offer someone. She recommended 2 separate therapists to me, and neither are taking new patients before the new year, so for now, my wife and I are working on our budget and cleaning out various corners of the house for things to sell. So far, we've gotten rid of some unused basement furniture, a mini fridge that has been empty for 2 years, a bunch of wine racks and paraphernalia (we don't drink at home since the baby was born 2 years ago, so no need to keep it around) as well as some other things and made about $750, more than enough to pay all the overdue bills, put some money in savings, and groceries in the cupboard. It's going to be a long road to pay off this cc debt, but we're finally addressing the issue head on and moving in the right direction.
Since my last paycheck (that covered mortgage and utilities, no worries there, for those who asked if I was behind, thank you) I have also been offered (and taken) 3 DJ gigs for Holiday parties. 2 for personal friends/acquaintances businesses, 1 for a charity. I refused payment for the children's charity gig, instead offering to give the money right back to the kids instead, which was gratefully accepted by the organizer. The extra cash from the 2 paying gigs paid down some more debt, and was enough leftover to allow me to have bought some nice new books and a Moana doll for my little girl to open on Xmas morning, (to say nothing of the bags of presents from both sets of grandparents full of clothes and toys, so she'll be fine from a presents standpoint).
Inspired by everyone's offers of charity, I volunteered again at Paul's Place in Baltimore, where this time I donned the hairnet and apron and served hot meals. Cell phones are prohibited inside, plus taking photos of yourself doing charity work defeats the purpose of said work. I also organized a food drive at my office to provide meal kits for Christmas for needy families, and we were able to donate 574 lbs of food to the MD Food Bank!
Thank you to all who reached out and made me realize that I really was an asshole. I let my personal shortcomings almost ruin a holiday for my wife and child. It won't be as fancy as our last Christmases, but I have a feeling that this year will be very special to me, no matter how little is under my tree. I realized that I have all the gifts I need, and I cannot thank the beautiful people who offered up so much charity to a grumpy stranger. I didn't need to accept your gifts to accept your love, and the offers alone changed my life.
​
Happy Holiday's y'all. | Aww fucking A, man. I was not expecting the Onion Ninja on AITA. Good on you for making stuff happen, bro. That pic of your daughter decorating the tree is adorable. I think you and she will treasure that moment in years to come. Happy holidays, bud.
NTA! |
I'm 19f, I have a 3 week old baby girl. I do still live with my parents, but since I pay rent equally, they say I can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. I've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. I have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. They're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old.
Basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. I'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. They are completely against the products I use and often give me things like SiLs breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their LO has grown out of, etc. I've used some but it's not really my cup of tea.
On Monday night, my bother and SiL were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. It was great and really relaxing.
When I got home that evening, my SiL said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything I don't need". This immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. When I went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. Same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, I'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us.
I was extremely angry and I just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my SiL. She and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when I confronted her. I told her she has to replace everything she dumped. When she said she can't afford to, I said fine, just get out and don't come back until I've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items.
My brother thinks I'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. Our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. AITA? | NTA. Throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. They are still going to the same place but have now doubled.
Formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. That's why formula was created. Your SIL was waaaaay out of line. Even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. It's the baby that will suffer. She needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it. |
My son "Aiden" (23) moved back in with us upon graduating college as my husband wanted. My husband's original plan was to have Aiden live with us for free, but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16). Aident started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job. My husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance but Aiden was growing tired of staying at home.
So he began looking for jobs here and there for over a year but non of his job applications came through. He'd just apply and they never get back to him. We were confused by this til recently, I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being cancelled. He'd wait tol Aiden applies then he proceeds to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email. I blew up at him for this but his justification is that he's just trying to make sure that our younger son is cared for by Aiden and said that Aiden has been big help and him getting a job will affect his care for his brother. I went ahead and rented an apartment for Aiden and told him to stay there til he finds a job and starts paying for it himself. Aiden was hurt upon knowing what his dad did. My husband was livid when he found out. He called me unhinged and said that I was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family. He also said it was huge decision for me to rent an apartment without even running it with him.
He's been giving me hell about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and selfcentered. He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did.
[Edit] few things to mention:
(1) My husband says that since he and I have health issues then we could use Aiden's help.
(2) When I suggested outside help, my husband refused saying he won't ask anything from anybody and that his son is his problem and no body else's.
(3) I used money from our joint account to pay for the rental apartment. My husband said it was wrong and that it was a major waste of money since we deal with medical bills consistenly. | NTA. Your husband is abusive to Aiden and honestly, creepy in his manipulations and insistence on Aiden being Dobby the house elf. |
[Link to original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t622tm/aita_for_imposing_my_culture_even_though_i/)
First of all I just want to thank everyone for the overwhelming support and replies on my first post. I'm looking forward to going over to everyone's houses for dinner and I'll be sure to bring all the things you said you liked :-) many flower lovers out there! I'm now also apparently the DIL to a lot of hopeful parents that replied as well so I hope I can deliver on expectations!
\---
After my last update I told my bf I was sick and tired of him dancing around the issue with his parents and I was going to go over to their house whether he liked it or not. At this point I think he realized that whatever he was doing had backfired so he sat down all angry and told me he'd explain. I sat and he told me that he'd done something very spur of the moment and that he'd texted me from his dad's phone then blocked the number but begged me to listen. That he just needed to get his parents off me for a while and to not leave.
Apparently his parents had started hinting at him about marriage since my bf and I talked a lot about it. I fully expected to marry him as I said in another comment, and was honestly expecting a proposal in late spring since that's when we met. Four years dating didn't bother me but I was getting excited to settle down. However, my bf apparently realized that he absolutely didn't want to commit to anything and wanted to experiment and have fun since I "wasn't being fun anymore". Honestly that just made me cry since we were each other's firsts for everything and usually very good at communicating our needs.
His grand plan was to get him mad at me so I would beg for forgiveness and then he'd only accept an open relationship as an answer. Absolutely brilliant plan I know. He'd made up his parents getting mad but didn't expect me to blow off dinner completely and it's like "hitting a jackpot", his words not mine. He went over for dinner, hid the flowers and said we'd gotten into a huge fight but he was "going to fix it" but I needed space. After he confessed all this he said he was very sorry but really didn't want to miss out on new experiences when he was still young and would I consider an open relationship but pretend ours was strained with his parents so they wouldn't get suspicious?
And.....I laughed. I laughed his ass right out the door and told him absolutely not and to leave me alone while I packed because I wanted to have some new experiences too!!! He never stopped begging me to stay but I left to sleep at a friend's. After calming down for a few days I cemented the breakup and finally, actually went over to his parent's. My ex-bf's dad never even noticed the phone missing but still apologized and his mom was a mess. I did and still love them and will eat dinner there without *him* as often as I can. I won't lie that I'm sad about four years down the drain, but that's life. And if that was my ex's best possible plan then I dodged the bullet by a mile. | I LOVE that you went over there and filled his parents in on the real story. He was so concerned about keeping up appearances for his parents that he straight up waged psychological warfare on you, but now it's all nice and out in the open. Gonna be awkward for him at holidays for a few years. |
My son found the post, and shared it with my daughter. This was after apologizing to her. She cried again.
So last week, we decided to have a father/daughter bonding weekend. Honestly, it was awesome. I took her bowling, to get a manicure, becoming Disney princesses(I looked awesome as Jasmine), and so forth. She loved it. I loved it. Everyone was happy. Then we decided to go out to eat dinner. “I’m starving, what do you want Maddie?” “Hi Starving, I’m not your daughter”. She had this biggest smirk on her face. She hugged me and I kissed her forehead. I’m sure she’d been planning this for weeks.
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/ | Awesome comeback, just proves dad jokes aren't only for dads. 😉
And for those who are as confused as I initially was, here's the background
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share |
My F35 sister F27 started dating one of those "brutally honest" guys few months ago. He can be quite rude and make backhanded comments about me and the family sometimes which is bothersome but my sister says he's not malicious but is just the brutally honest time and we should get used to it.
I visited my parents house to celebrate my sister's birthday and my husband couldn't come with me because he was busy, after the party we all sat down for dinner and my sister's boyfriend said it was weird that my husband and I don't have kids despite being married for 6 years now, I was shocked that he brought this up but I gave a short answer stating that it's because of infertility issues, he asked on which side and I didn't wanna answer but my sister said it's on my side. I got uncomfortable as he looked at me for a second and said that maybe not having kids now is a good thing because he thought women over 30 might "produce" defective babies due to age.
I told him it was none of his business but he said that he was just giving his "honest opinion" and that's all. I, in return, told him while maintaining eye contact: "trust me, if I wanted an asshole's opinion, I would've farted!". Literally everyone at the table bursted into laughter and my sister and her boyfriend were stunned. Few seconds later her boyfriend excused himself out and my sister followed then sent me a text after they left saying I was mean and disrespectful towards her boyfriend and insulted him maliciously just cause he stated his honest opinion, she also said I ruined her birthday by being petty and making her boyfriend the joke of the night infront of the family. I didn't respond but she demanded an apology via mail as soon as possible, mom agreed that I shouldn't have said what I said and should've just ignored him knowing how he is.
I think AITA but I'm not sure. | Repeat after me:
*He should've just ignored me. He knows what I'm like. I'm older than him; I can't change now. I am who I am. I was just being honest. Seriously, that's my opinion of his conversation.*
What's that? Those excuses are toxic bullshit, mum? Cool cool. Good to know you won't be putting up with anyone's crap from now on.
NTA. |
Original post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m2zhf5/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hide_that_my_moms_are_gay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
So we broke up. Yesterday since it had already been days of us not talking. I listened to ur comments and decided to ask how would she feel if I told her only one of her parents could go cause *my* moms are uncomfortable around heterosexual couples.
She basically laughed and said it’s not the same thing because that’s a “normal couple”. That kinda got me and I asked what’s not normal about my moms. Think that’s when she saw she fucked up with what she said. She said she didn’t mean it like that and just knows it would be awkward and weird because her parents don’t like that.
Then I asked her if *she* would feel like that too. And she didn’t say anything. We talked for a while and she still wasn’t getting how this would hurt my moms asking them to hide who they are. Then it got to where she admitted it would also be embarrassing for her parents would know I have two moms.
And yeah I wasn’t gonna take that and told her we’re done. Not gonna be w someone who’s embarrassed about my moms or doesn’t want others to know. That was it.
My friends haven’t said anything to me yet but think I’m just gonna block them out cause I don’t wanna deal with their shit rn.
I know I said in my comments I was thinking abut asking my moms for advice but since we’re broke up I’m not gonna tell them why. I only told my moms it wasn’t working out with her so we’re done.
They dont need to why cause I don’t want them to feel is their fault and they really liked my girlfriend. This would hurt their feelings knowing she was feeling that way.
Its not my first break up but it still really sucks and I’m feeling sad. It is what it is though. Thanks for everyone’s help and for telling me ur own experiences. | \*Stands and claps\*
As a parent, if my kid came to me and told me this, I would first feel hurt but I'd quickly get over that and feel so damn proud that my kid stood up for himself, his beliefs, and his parents. So just know this reddit-mom is very proud of you. |
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehmsme/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before I take matters into my own hands. Apologies if it is long. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short.
I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do. To keep it short, he said he's heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to **make sure that my bio-children are present** (multiple reasons). I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing.
My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble. I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable. He asked "What's going on?" but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents (I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him. He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious. My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. I didn't know what to say and said "I was just trying to protect you, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me", but unfortunately and understandably, he left.
He didn't talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him. I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said "I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before." I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly - ever so slowly - starting to brighten up. There's no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again.
Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would. I'll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn't go well in the long run. I'll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son. Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts -- eeek!) I love you all. Good night. | >"I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before."
Oh man I felt the tears welling up in my eyes at this part! Thanks for the (rare) heartwarming update! |
I’m 15 years old. I have a stepsister who is a couple years older than me and she is really seriously disabled. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her because no one ever wants to discuss it with me but she’s non verbal, breaks her bones a lot, and has severe epilepsy and will have many fitting episodes. She also doesn’t understand stuff. That’s probably the easiest way to put it. She’s just a human body with nothing inside.
She’s my stepmoms daughter. My stepmom married my dad 3 years ago and they dated only for a year before that. I don’t know my stepmom very well and I don’t really get on with her. We are respectful to each other but I’m basically living with strangers because she’s so busy with her daughter and my dad. I am always on my own and I used to hate it but I’m used to it now.
Ever since they moved in to live with us life changed drastically for me because all the care now revolves around my stepsister. That’s fine, I get it, but both my stepmom and my dad ask me to do things for my stepsister that I don’t want to do and I resent doing. Stuff like staying home when I want to go to the mall with my friends, they’re disappointed that I don’t get her anything for her birthday with my very limited funds, etc.
My own mom passed away when I was small so I can’t go and stay anywhere else and all in all I’m just a lot more angry than I used to be because they seem really disappointed whenever I say I don’t want to do anything for her. Even stuff like feeding her- like- I don’t want to sit there feeding her banana pudding and wiping her drool. I didn’t ask for this.
Anyway, she recently fell a few days ago and had a seizure for 8 minutes. She was taken to hospital and the doctors want to keep her in and look after her. I don’t want to go and visit her. I remember seeing my mom in hospital before she died and I just hate hospitals and I sort of hate my stepsister and I just don’t want to go and visit someone who doesn’t even know I’m there.
My stepmom is really upset with me and so is my dad. They haven’t yelled at me or anything but they are both being super cold towards me because I don’t want to visit. My grandma who lives in Canada called me up out the blue and told me it was okay and I don’t need to force myself to go to the hospital so I’m assuming my dad has told her I’m refusing to go. He keeps pleading with me but I keep telling him I’m not doing it. I told him hospitals remind me of mom and he got even more upset and said my stepsister might die and I need to stop being so selfish towards my stepmom.
I just want to know what Reddit thinks because half my friends think I should go and the other half think I’m justified in saying no. | NTA. You sound like an average teenager who has had a lot of life experiences early on. If going to the hospital upsets you, don't go. And don't be afraid to tell your dad what you need, which is his undivided attention for a minute! If you're in school, talk to a counselor or teacher, or ask to be referred to therapy.
You have a real asset in your grandma. Call her and talk with her often. She may be a good way to get through to your dad.
Hang in there. I'm sorry life is tough right now. |
So here is the situation.
Me: nurse. Working 50ish hours a week in paediatric ICU. Cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. My salary pays our bills. All of them.
Husband: 25M. Has a degree but isn't looking for a job. Works 2 days a week at the grocery store. Spends most of his time playing LoL.
Btw all events here are in accordance with Covid Legislation.
Today was supposed to be A Good Day. I had been begging my husband to swap his Saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. We haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago.
Today was supposed to be our first Saturday off together. We were going to go to an animal sanctuary.
He starts the day by going to breakfast. With his best mate. Leaving before I even wake up. I wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. Call. He says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway.
He gets home at 1ish. Lies around. Plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight.
Leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else.
I go grocery shopping. I don't drive because of medical issues, but I walk there and back in the rain. I get home, realise I've left my keys inside. Call husband, knowing he's 5min away. He says he will leave in a minute. I sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, I call again. He hasn't left yet. He finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again.
At 10, I I called to see where he is. His friend answers. Says he is driving out to do something an hour away.
It's 10.30. I am going to bed. I have sent him a txt that I am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone.
As far as I am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and I have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (Btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when I am at work).
He is going to be upset. And he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him I'm being a bitch.
AITA
Adding some info: I am 26. We weren't always like this. I don't know what changed. I'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. And I fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am.
Also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and I love all my patients. That's why I cry. And I don't mean hours of sobbing. I mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work.
Also thank you for your kindness. I was expecting maybe 5 replies. I am trying to respond as much as I can. But there are a lot of you. | NTA
I'd ban him for more than one night! What kind of thoughtless behaviour! Sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. Have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? It's not fair that he's not pulling his weight. |
My girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning.
I usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets.
She has joked that I’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so I didn’t mind, obviously I want to love my partner and try make her life easy.
However last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought I couldn’t hear. She was bragging that I’m her little bitch and I do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. It really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing.
She specifically said ‘yeah I’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure I’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’
I went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning I didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. She usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but I let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and I turned around and went back to sleep too.
When she woke up she was yelling at me saying I’m an asshole and I’ve cost her her exam and I’m a piece of shit for what I did.
EDIT: sorry for not responding sooner I wrote this up on my break at work and now I have to get back to it (can’t have my phone, work with food) I wasn’t expecting this many replies so fast.
I think we’re breaking up. I told her this morning after she called me a ‘bitch’ for being upset re being called a bitch, lol, but she says she’s not done with me.
I’m just trying to get through today’s shift and then deal with stuff later. I’ll try and get back as I can. We’ve been together a year and it was my first real relationship but I’m tired of her not acknowledging how shitty she made me feel and still calling me a bitch. That word is really making me feel shit and small. | NTA. Your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive. You shouldn’t have to put up with that. Don’t wait for any more red flags. GET OUT OF THIS NOW. You deserve better. |
Quick backstory, after graduating high school my son moved 3 states away for college. At 19 he married a girl he met, I tried convincing him to wait because I personally felt he was too immature. They both dropped out and moved back here to his home town. At 20 they had their first child, a beautiful little girl. 16 months later, my DIL gave birth to their second child, a little boy.
After the first baby, my wife and I noticed our DIL wasn’t happy. We both thought it was PPD related. Just after the second arrived, my son and his wife separated. She would bring the kids over for a visit, it was then she began unloading on us. I know there’s two sides to every story, but considering I know my son, I believed her. I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage. He refused to take responsibility, blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem.
They got into counseling, for a year things were ‘ok’ on the surface. Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged. My son had forced his then wife to become a permanent SAHM at the birth of their first child. She of course had no other family or friends here, she knew no one aside from us. She had nowhere to go with two small children. Unbeknownst to our son, my wife and I helped her financially and got her an apartment.
Before the divorce was even finalized, we received a wedding invitation. I made it clear to my son, I would not be attending and they would not have my blessing. His mother told him she would see to it that I would attend. I stayed consistent in my decision, I also asked him not to bring his fiancée around our house out of respect for the mother of his children.
The wedding happened on Feb 11. The night before, my wife gave me the finial push. I did not attend. Our daughter, also did not attend for the same reasons. My wife picked up our grandkids, got them dressed and attended the wedding. My daughter and I decided to spend the evening with his ex. I couldn’t imagine her sitting alone, while her kid’s attended their father’s wedding.
She was taken aback that I didn’t end up attending his wedding. We took her out to distract her mind. I just wanted her to know, she’ll always be considered family to us. My daughter also made a joke they can drop the in-law status and just be sisters now. She was very tearfully grateful, I realized just how badly she needed our support and specifically on that night.
The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding. Few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further myself and his sister would have to earn an relationship with him on his terms only.
*****ETA: First, I’d like to sincerely thank each and everyone of you for your support, encouragement, and all the awards. I know without a doubt, I did the right thing. I even feel differently now, his mother should not have attended either. But we can’t go back and undo that.
So, my son saw the post. I had sent my daughter the link yesterday so she could read the comments. This morning she texts me at work…DAD YOU WENT VIRAL! Lol But anyways, he sent screenshots of the post and all my comments to his mom. He also told her…”He’s dead to me now.” Time will tell if he means that. I’m sure he’ll see this update too. For that reason, I’m positively certain the second he needs another cash loan I won’t be dead anymore.
His mom told him, “Your children have to be our number one priority.” They’re not just some disposable items you can leave behind when one chapter of your life closes. Maybe one day, he’ll understand this. | NTA
> Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged.
Eww.
The best children are the ones you choose. |
My f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. She handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. I'm the oldest and I try to help but really there's only so much I can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold.
As a result; I'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. It's exhausting but honestly...I think that my dad is in the wrong here. I tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail.
So what I did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. I put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. I went inside the house. Shouted "I'M HOME!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. He glanced at me confused asking what I was doing. I ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on.
He kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. My youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". I then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. My dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what I was doing. I turned to him and said "WHAT?! CAN'T A MAN EFFING REST AFTER WORKING LONG HOURS!!" in the most macho voice I could muster. My dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. He went quiet and avoided looking at me. I stopped the act and told him I was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. He said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me.
Later he went on about how I "mocked" and invalidated him. That he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. Mom said it was funny but also thought I hurt my dad's feelings and I could've gotten the message across some other way instead.
AITA? | NTA. You held up a mirror to his behavior, and he didn't like what he saw. That's on him. I hope he gets the message. |
Original Post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o7nzcm/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_charge_his_family/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Update:
I want to begin by thanking everyone for their advice on my original post.
There were some really constructive strategies and words of advice.
I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns and was honest with him that things he was telling me didn’t all make sense. He was adamant he didn’t know anything about the credit card or the apparent enquiries on his credit account about pay day loans.
My boyfriend is still refusing to open any fraud investigations against his family member and has said he will pay off the debt himself.
But..
Some other things came out during our conversation that he was hiding from me.
Lying has been a big issue of his during our whole relationship. In the past I have forgiven him for his lies but I can’t keep forgiving the same issue every few months when he promises to change, but we’re in the same spot every few months.
(And I’m not talking little lies, I’m talking big lies and even bigger lies to cover up those lies) - I know I’m stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt -
So in saying this ….
My boyfriend is now my ex boyfriend.
When I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns *above* he ended up picking up his bag and walking out on me and drove away. That was the last time I seen him in person.
This is how this man delt with an issue in our 5 year relationship.
We haven’t spoke much since but I have definitely resigned to the fact my relationship is over. I think he is expecting me to forgive him like all the previous times.
I have packed up his stuff and will return to him after my city comes out of our 6th lockdown.
There is a good ending to this story tho.
I spoke with my mortgage broker and the housing developers.
I can’t afford the original townhouse I fell in love with alone but a smaller townhouse that I also loved came available and I’ve been approved for this one. I paid my deposit 3 days before my birthday last month!!
I bought a house by my self!!
TLDR:
I broke up with my lying boyfriend of 5 years and celebrated by buying my own house!
Edit 1. Oh my gosh guys this update has blown up like I never through it would. I will try to get around to reading all the comments and messages I’ve received
Thank you so much for all the well wishes and congratulations!! | Congratulations! You bought a house AND got rid of excess baggage!
You will LOVE owning your own space. Literally and metaphorically. |
Throwaway account. So me (26f) and my husband (28m), who I'll call "Jake" for this story, have been together for 5 years and married for 3. We have recently started trying for a baby as we both felt like that was the next step in our life together, and 3 weeks ago I got a positive test back. We were really really happy and told our families, and now my mom and MIL want to throw a big baby shower for us, it was just super good news all around.
Well 2 nights ago me and Jake were getting ready for bed when he reminds me to go through the house and make sure all the lights are off. Now he can be a little lazy at times, and it has become a nightly routine for me to make sure all the lights are off that he leaves on before we go to bed. I wasn't feeling very well and asked if he could just do it since he wasn't doing anything and was literally standing by the door. He then tells me "No, this is what is expected of you every night." I was a little hurt but I didn't want to fight with him so I just did it. When I came back Jake goes on this very long and unprovoked rant saying things like "Just because you are pregnant does not mean anything will change" and "You are still expected to cook, clean, and do all the chores every day because how can you be expected to be a mother if you can't handle a little work." He wasn't yelling or anything, he was talking to me quietly like a was 2 inches tall.
I was shocked because I had never heard him say anything like this. The rant went on for about 30 minutes before I interjected and asked "Well what do you plan on doing to help me with all of this." He then got extremely defensive saying he works his ass of at his job to provide for me and what is going to be our future children. (For context I don't work atm, my job was not paying enough to justify me going so I am a full time college student) He ended by saying that it doesn't matter how I feel physically or mentally, it is a mothers job to push through, and if he helped and babied me I wouldn't be a good mother.
I got extremely upset and started yelling and I said that "I wish I would've known this is how you felt before I got pregnant with your baby." There was a moment of silence before he started crying and he left for the night to stay at his mothers house. He hasn't been back yet and my MIL and SIL have called me berating me and saying I broke Jakes heart with what I said and I need to apologize immediately, and until I do he isn't coming home. I don't know how to feel.
So AITA for yelling at my husband after he said he isn't helping me with anything during the pregnancy because "its a mothers job to deal with it"?
EDIT: First I want to thank you all for your responses. I'm sorry I haven't really responded to anyone specifically but I really do appreciate you guys. A few of you asked if I told my MIL and SIL what he said, which I did. They basically said I was being sensitive and all he meant was pregnancy isn't an excuse to be lazy, he meant no harm. ......ok. I am getting some things together and am going to be headed to my mom and dads house. My mom is furious with him and doesn't want me apologizing to him or talking to him without the situation either being recorded or having a witness. Regardless, I am ok and will be ok. I do appreciate all of you though, you have opened my eyes to many things I may have been ignoring or looking past over the years. | Girl- get an abortion and a divorce ASAP. This man just told you who he really is, and things are about to get a whole lot worse. RUN. |
My wife is pregnant with our daughter. Initially we were really happy and excited about it. But then, she starts acting like a nut job. She gets angry and irritated for small things, insults me when she doesn't like the food I make, starts acting insecure and accuses me of losing attraction for her.
For example, she wanted to eat chicken sandwiches for dinner last week. Well, I made chicken sandwiches. So she eats all the sandwiches, leaves me nothing and told me that they tasted like shit. I wasn't pissed because she left me nothing. But if she didn't like them, why did she have to eat everything? When I asked her this she told me that she was hungry. Ok fine. She does this every time. Eats everything I make and calls it shit. I don't argue with her because I work for more than 80 hours a week and I really want to have some peace when I'm home.
So, yesterday, a random girl starts at flirting with me after the gym and asked me if I wanted to meet up with her for some drinks. I rejected her and told her that I was married. And when I got home, my wife started to hug me and apologise. When I asked her what happened, she told me that her best friend suggested a test for my loyalty. So they asked a mutual friend to flirt with me and asked me out. And I passed. Yay!!. I'm really pissed. I'm done with her antics. WIBTA if I ask her to move out?
Edit: I don't live in the USA. Please don't discuss legalities based on the laws there. | Yikes. Might I suggest some couples therapy first? What she did was clearly an A move, though I don’t think you’d be in the right to have her move out while pregnant. |
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