Cordmail/reddit-ProgrammerHumor-test · Datasets at Hugging Face

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When I'm testing something that should be working print("It worked!") When I'm testing something that shouldn't be working print("It didn't work!")	Lol. Just the other day debugging something infuriating, someone added a bunch of conditionals with empty returns. So, no error messages. I basically had to add a print "Works" after each to figure out which was returning nothing.
print("here") print("there") print("why the fuck am I here this shouldn't be possible")	This is what I do. If I ever need to use print commands to debug an error, it's because I have no fucking idea where the error is happening, so I throw exceptions with the message "here" until figure out where things are actually going wrong.
I was too paranoid to print 'fuck'. Always sure that'd somehow end up on prod.	As I’m still a student and only coding for myself, I’m lucky enough to not have that fear.
As I’m still a student and only coding for myself, I’m lucky enough to not have that fear.	It's bad practice, one day you won't be. And if you miss it for school work, you will get called out.
It's bad practice, one day you won't be. And if you miss it for school work, you will get called out.	I fully understand that, but I’m not having any informatics classes - this is really just for me. So for now, I don’t worry about it. Afaik there are better ways to debug than print statements anyway.
There's always a library It's always superior to what you wrote If youre lucky its still supported or is supported by what ever prehistoric version of the language your company forces you to use	There is not always a library. As an example, if you are programming on a microcontroller you have most of the time nothing.
There is not always a library. As an example, if you are programming on a microcontroller you have most of the time nothing.	Depends on the microcontroller... Since Arduinos became popular there have been so many libraries published. Even if you cant use the library directly it is often enough to copy it into my own shitty code... Only works if your Microcontroller can be programmed in something similar to C ofc....
I hate when I think I invented a new thing just to find out there's dozens of libraries/software that does that already	Don't, even if it's not as optimized as the library, the code you spent time writing is still yours and still a result of your work ! And you probably wrote it in your way thus actually inventing a coding patern !
Meanwhile, my employer: we didn't write it? And somebody thinks it's useful? We must write it own! And keep it closed source! Also we'll force our internal employees in other groups to use it, but ignore them when they suggest improvements and forbid then from contributing to it! And have only half of the developers we should have will be working on it! Also if can only be made with our 30 year old build scripts.	You may need therapy to recover
Don't, even if it's not as optimized as the library, the code you spent time writing is still yours and still a result of your work ! And you probably wrote it in your way thus actually inventing a coding patern !	This is solid programming pep talk
Me in high school: gets project to program functions that allow you to change the size of an array. Teacher the day after we turn it in: now let me tell you about ArrayLists Me: morherfucker	me: int var1, var2, var3...; Teacher: lemme tell you about arrays
If their code does it no better than mine, than I use mine, simply because I know the ins and outs of mine.	Yeah, but whoever eventually replaces you to maintain that code doesn't
Yeah, but whoever eventually replaces you to maintain that code doesn't	That's job security right there.
No, that's a good way to get hunted down by frustrated, axe-wielding former co-workers.	Document as though the person who will maintain your code is an axe-wielding psychopath.
Document as though the person who will maintain your code is an axe-wielding psychopath.	This was the first piece of coding advice I was ever given, and it is a good rule.
When the data gets parsed into the wrong data model in two places and it somehow still worked	It's like when a student of mine made a proportion that was wrong, then she made a mistake solving that proportion and arrived at the right answer. And then they're like "Why don't you give me an A for this?!"
This works until you deal with live data and the unintentional bodge can't handle it anymore	I tested it (on a day when it wasn't raining) and it worked fine! Why would I waste my time refactoring?
"Guys, I've made a Covid tracking app, totally original, will definitely help for real, and not be like every other abandoned proj	You'll abandon the project like you abandoned the word project halfway through
I tested it (on a day when it wasn't raining) and it worked fine! Why would I waste my time refactoring?	God this hurts to read lol
I've said for many years that creative code is a bad thing. Keep it as simple and readable as possible.	I would be very mad if I could read but thankfully I can't so this won't stop me. /s
This reminds me of a client that asked once why the program crashed and we shouldn't let it crash even once. On that moment i sent a code to a colleague like this: if(process_is_going_to_crash){ dont(); }	Just wow, all my problems are solved
When doing maths at school I always wrote down every step of a calculation, even if it was obvious. I did that so that I could always follow what calculations I was doing, what parts of an expression I was computing, and how. I apply the same principle in coding: i prefer do do an operation in four clear steps rather than in a single-line command that does 4 things at once. It's more readable when I have to figure out what a program does, and it's also easier to debug	And it might also be optimised when compiled, sometimes much better than if you did a single line
"Everyone knows that debugging is twice as hard as writing a program in the first place. So if you're as clever as you can be when you write it, how will you ever debug it?" - Brian Kernighan	just write so cleverly that you never need to debug it! /s
It is really hard to change if your ego is in the way. Some people just need to show off how smart they are, others just want job security.	If you write code only you can understand isn't this the best job security you can get?
Didn't the US say they were having trouble finding programmers who don't smoke weed? This is what happens kids	FBI, because they use hair which can check as far as 3 years back iirc
Because it recognizes this pattern: Nteen Nty N ...where N is a single digit number. With more training, it will hopefully learn 2-digit (and higher) values for N, and eventually change the pattern to: N N However, once it learns 4-digit numbers, it will potentially say something like "one thousand, one hundred and eleven": N ...instead of "eleven eleven" unless it is taught to somehow disambiguate between dates and numbers.	I think he means eleven eleven for the "Me" side.
I like how as I horizontally scrolled I noped out more and more. Also, a `const float` with an `i` prefix? Shouldn't that be an `f` prefix or am I misunderstanding the notation being used? Or was that intentional and it just went over my head?	lmao the i is because it is the factor based on the iterator "i"
I'm not particularly experienced, but from day 1 one of my priorities has been to keep my code as clear and readable as possible, even just for myself when I look at it later. We're not paying by the line here. One example: people seem obsessed with making short, ambiguous variable names. It's not 1972, you're not losing memory to the actual variable names. If it's the end boss' hitpoints, you can just call it endBossHitpoints, you don't have to call it endBhP or something cryptic like that, you're not going to run out of letters.	Totally agree. And with code autocomplete it’s even easier to use long names. I do scientific programming, so when something doesn’t work, we have to figure out whether the hypothesis was wrong, or if the code is just fucked up. It’s usually both
That's not very pythonic try: if not false != (not user.has_seen_post_before): dont() Don't ask me why though. I'm no zoologist.	I dont not not not not like this
"So I have this idea and it's like facebook and instagram combined but much better.."	"So I thought of something, like, y'know, imagine something like, GTA V y'know, but mixed with Call of Duty, and also it's in space, and also it's on mobile, and also it's an MMO." - Someone very serious, thinking that 1) I can do this alone in three weeks, 2) it will make them rich, and 3) that I actually give a damn about that. &nbsp; "Oh also can you hack my ex's instagram"
try again in french. pretty sure '1111' is "four twenties, ten times, then three hundreds and twenty again minus nine sil vous plait, ugh i need a glass of wine"	Ironically I think it’s easier than English: « mille cent onze » (sp?)
"Your program almost crashed. Instead, we stopped it to show you this picture of a cat instead."	On of our dev environments does this. No 404s only cat pic. The first time it happened I was happily surprised yet confused.
Relative: Can you fix my laptop? Me: Maybe, but then if anything goes wrong, you'll blame me. Relative: Fine, do want this piece of junk? Me: OK. \takes it home, opens it up, finds it PACKED with dust. Turns out it was overheating within minutes of being powered up, had a janky power adapter and a dead battery. Blow out dust, replace crappy power adapter wires, throw in a spare SSD to replace the 5400rpm HD on the verge of failure\ Relative: \sees working laptop on my desk running a minecraft server\ Did you con me out of a laptop? ...you can't win.	Wait. So did he take the laptop or did you keep it? I think you did a fine job fixing it.
Has it always has audio because I don't remember hearing any audio before today. Maybe I always had media muted?	Ya, always has had it. It's possible there are versions out there that don't but that would be a waste because his voice really makes it.
You can reconcile this fairly easily. x₁ = x₀ + 1 This, in some ways, might be cleaner and more sensible. The only real downside I can think of would be memory overhead. I didn't study CS though, so what do I know?	Nah this just isn't done because it's an extra character to type. Us programmers really hate typing. We'll pick IDEs solely based on how good it predicts what variables we're going to type so we don't have to type it all out. Assignment of primitives and pointers are just done so much more frequently than equality of primitives. So many languages just use a single key stroke for that assignment. It wouldn't cause any extra memory overhead because you'd just remove from existence x(0) and if you ever needed to return to x(0) you'd just perform the inverse operation onto x(1).
Pre increment operators are most efficient because they avoid a return value and thus an invocation of the copy constructor (:	Can you explain this?
y = x++ Versus y = ++x The first will save the initial value of x to y, then increment x and save it. The second will increment x and then save that value to y. So if x starts at 1 for both examples, the first would result in y=1, x=2. The second would result in y=2, x=2.	Oh, I see. Thanks for the explanation. Do you know if that is true for any language that supports pre incremental operators?
00:00:01 - Nothing to report. 00:00:02 - Log file contains one line. 00:00:03 - Log file contains two lines. 00:00:04 - Log file contains three lines. 00:00:05 - Log file contains four lines. 00:00:06 - Log file contains five lines. 00:00:07 - Log file contains six lines. 00:00:08 - Log file contains seven lines. 00:00:09 - Log file contains eight lines. 00:00:10 - Log file contains nine lines. ... 01:02:00 - Log file contains three thousand, seven hundred and nineteen lines. 01:02:01 - Something happened, but the log script was too busy counting lines. 01:02:02 - Log file contains three thousand, seven hundred and twenty-one lines.	This might actually happen when you forget to discard changes you made for fun (or tests, w/e), and then next morning you see that someone's deployed it
As has been scientifically proven, the best way to get help in any forum is to post an obviously wrong solution and insist it is correct.	Yep, that's Koomey's law
The whole cringey stage of people talking about bacon and narwhals was the worst.	You're just jealous. Your narwhal probably didn't even bacon at midnight lol.
Instead of trying to bend the spoon, simply realize that there is no spoon	Or realise the spoon is irrelevant and you would be better off using a spork.
Seeing wont fix come back on a bug report always makes me twitch a bit as QA.	why? less for you to test
Or realise the spoon is irrelevant and you would be better off using a spork.	I found the mongodb fan.
I like Wont Fix with a reason. - Won't Fix - Obsolete - Won't Fix - Working as Intended - Won't Fix - DGAF - Won't Fix - Got Promoted - Won't Fix - Need More Interns - Won't Fix - Budget not Approved	Mine are: Won't Fix - Must be a you problem and Won't Fix - We've got junior devs for that
Won't Fix - Not paid enough Won't Fix - Couldn't pay me enough Won't Fix - everytime I bring it up everyone stops talking and walks out of the room	Won't fix - religious reasons
I'm a senior developer with 21 years experience and still usually I have no idea what I'm doing...	I'm a junior developer that got my first SWE job in 2019. Good to know that this feeling will never go away
Hey hey I know you just started filing in that line, but look at all the code below, it's broken now	You're missing a semicolon, you haven't closed quotes, you're missing a close-brace and a bracket.
This checks out. I was able to become a hireable programmer in less than a year and I’m now 2-3 years in and still don’t know what I’m doing.	If someone claims they know what they're doing, run the fuck away. The most dangerous sort of idiot is one who believes themself a genius.
Teach her. Teaching helps SO MUCH. I have been teaching and to teach you need to actually understand. I usually use stuff without really understanding it, as long as it works. But when I have to explain things I cannot say "well, it just works like that". Seriously man teaching can get you really far	2nd this - I used to teach sysadmin and clustering for Sun Microsystems back when all that was a thing, now people think I am a CLI god. I'm not but they can think what they want.
Haha, it gets worse. Sometimes when I try to use a new variable it just autocompletes to some random method. Sometimes I want one method but get another that is similar or longer. Just a non existing example because I cant give you a real one: You want to use "print" and as soon as I hit enter I get "printLine.implode" or some random shit.	Uses VS2019 C# for unity. bool enable = tr hits enter bool enable = transform Thanks VS 2019
From the time I started writing this sentence there's probably been released 15 new javascript frameworks, 10 exceptionally good libraries, and at least one radically new method that will completely change how something's done in the future.	and you need to have +10 years of experience in all of them
If someone claims they know what they're doing, run the fuck away. The most dangerous sort of idiot is one who believes themself a genius.	I know what I can do, and what I am capable of doing. Unfortunately, anything I can contribute of value is currently in VBA and the rest of what I know encompasses fuckall. Still somehow employed so it could be worse.
Hmmm, kind of. She has great work ethic. She once studied for 6 hours straight and never opened youtube or any social media. Kinda nuts	6 hours straight... After 30 minutes of coding/studying I normally take a 60 minute call of duty break I think this explains why I still don't know anything after 4 years
ok the actual question do you guys put the milk first, or the raspberry pi	I tend to follow this order: 1. Pi 2. Milk 3. Bowl. 4. Raspberry
Data Link and Physical are the same layer in TCP/IP. They only differ in OSI which, while not only having slightly different names, also includes Presentation and Session layers between Application and Transport Just a slight remark, I like the image anyway	I actually knew everything you just said, wow. Sorry, I'm just proud of myself.
I actually knew everything you just said, wow. Sorry, I'm just proud of myself.	No need to apologize. Being proud of yourself is a good thing, it's very healthy
No idea how to restore deletes files. But if you ever want to test out a DDOS tool, you're free to use me as a guinea pig. Don't have anything better to do anyway. My IP is 127.0.0.1.	My limited understanding of IPs is telling me that you might actually be setting us up to fail...
"This post may contain erotic or adult imagery. By continuing, you acknowledge that you are 18+ years of age." Did anyone else get that?	Yep, I got it too. Image was SFW though.
Damn, I just remembered that many years ago, as an eager teenager, full of dreams and hope, I started learning Linux. Of course I had to have gamez so I installed Steam. Some day something happened and everything was just broken and gone. I reinstalled Windows and gave up. Maybe it was because of this? Did someone else's mistake change my whole future? If they hadn't done this, I could be now... ... a Linux sysadmin	Just think of how much longer and greyer your beard could be!
Practically because the web wasn't invented yet. But getting a computer science job then was WAY easier. If you were remotely interested in computers, you were hired in an instant.	I still keep an old IBM mainframe from the '80s in the basement. They used to plug terminals directly into the server to do computational work. Basically you were a 'Computer Engineer' just for doing data entry and running some basic formula's.
The bottom one is not as thick but much deeper on the z axis, it says so on the cover	Surely you mean the Y axis. Blender gang.
Seriously I'm never making more progress on my projects, than when exams are coming up and I should be learning.	I am in the exact same boat, I try to get a bit of programming done everyday but school isn't helping with that. I should work on my assignment on floating point numbers but instead I'm on discord messing with my soundboard bot
Bold of you to assume I'm incapable of starting Projects C, D and E in the meantime	Project ZZA right ahead
Companies: "Why can't we find anyone to hire?" Company: Ignores hundreds of over qualified people	Cheaper to employ some company from different part of globe. Source: That's me.
I wonder if recruiters compete to see who can remember the most languages when they write job ads...	"I added 3 more languages on the top of what we needed, just in case"
sure, a dev that knows everything knows nothing well. go ahead, try it!	Or if you actually found the guy who could do all that, it would still probably be cheaper to hire multiple developers.
My favorite job interview - the job ad had in it python,php,open source, mysql...two three minutes into the interview I said I hate Asp.Net. The woman tells me it's an Asp.Net position. I told her I only applied because of python and opensource and she just said yeah we put those incase we get interested. The ad never mentioned Asp.Net	It's the same as asking for someone to talk english, spanish, italian, and "just in case" russian, japanese and chinese :D
Ok but tell me how astrophysicist Darcy Lewis suddenly becomes a genius hacker stealing all of SWORD’s files	You mean political science student intern Darcy Lewis?
It's the same as asking for someone to talk english, spanish, italian, and "just in case" russian, japanese and chinese :D	Yeah but then actually wanting someone who can speak Lithuanian.
I had the same experience but with knockout JS. It's something I don't want to work with so I told it to recruiter. Then I got interview with the company and the dude asks me what I wouldnt want to work with and I say knockout JS. The role was for knockout dev There was no knockout JS in the description.	I'm beginning to believe it's their BS method of rejecting applicants.
I don’t know... recently I’m getting job description from recruiters with zero information about the actual position. The company name? Nope! Teckstack? Nope! Team size? Nope! Not even the kind of business the company is working in. But! Everybody seems to have a young, international, dynamic team and everybody is a technological leader.	I had to explain to a recruiter what Razor syntax was. He was looking for a .NET developer...
It's the same data (including CRM and sales programs), they expect you to know everything you've heard off (SQL, Access, Python, R, VBA, SPSS, etc.) + some programs that you've never heard off (Ostrich, PaperBack, Penfold, etc.)\. Also throw in a foreign language. \These are fake names but might as well real	Currently working on dynamics crm so I can say you need to know: C# VBA SQL Razor asp.net JS HTML Some kind of a js framework (jquery at least) YAML pipeline schema SSIS packages And I could probably continue and still forget something Oh and the bonus? Working for fucking < 13k € per year (it being about 20-30% below average for my country) (and before bonuses and other shit that job pays you like expenses for launch and transport to work)
Or if you actually found the guy who could do all that, it would still probably be cheaper to hire multiple developers.	Willing to pay $55,000 yr + benefits.
Obviously one that requires React, Vue, Angular, Blazor, jQuery, Electron, PHP, Java Spring, SQL Server, GraphQL, and MongoDB. And that’s just the corporate website.	I mean. On a large corporate site? It’s possible.
I had to explain to a recruiter what Razor syntax was. He was looking for a .NET developer...	In fairness, it's possible to know .NET pretty well and never touch Razor pages. My company uses .NET Core/C# on the backend and AngularJS on the frontend, no Razor syntax anywhere.
Man, seriously. "Let me hack into the database " then 2 keystrokes later, its done	I audibly laughed during that scene. Like, in 2021, even people who don’t know much if anything at all about hacking, know it’s much more complicated than some random keyboard jibberish and 2 seconds later you’re in
I once accepted a job as a C# developer and they had me writing a shitty in-house XML-based UI language instead -___-	But why when xaml already exists?
Quite likely they don't have an actual job, just want to collect your data. Don't fall for them.	Could you elaborate more? Onestly I've never heard of something like that, what would their end goal be?
I feel like that's saying you program in HTML, LaTeX is a typesetting software. Ig they could be talking about making packages for LaTeX, but I'd think you'd write those in another language, and there aren't many applications that aren't already covered	LateX is technically a Turing complete programming language. Html is not.
I laughed hard at an e-mail that was offering $35 an hour for a programmer but they wanted them to be proficient in 4 programming languages and 4 databases. It was a 3-month contract too, I still wonder how that went.	Do you ever think about replying to those to ask what color unicorn they want you to replace?
Because some hotshot dev wanted to make their own special snowflake version that does some domain-specific thing slightly better, and everything else miserably worse	Man I feel that, my company uses a custom php framework. By custom I mean from scratch without any composer dependencies(aka vendors) for . The base of our work is so shitty that we evaluate that we are at least 5 times less productive than we should be. I'll give an example of the nightmare it is by explaining how we make models and extract data from it. To make a model, we need to make an array with our fields and relations in a specific config folder. Then we run a script that generates what we call a skeleton. Said skeletons extend a Skeleton class that handles mapping between queries and skeletons. This Skeleton class extends a Database class that handles communication with MySQL. Of course, the skeletons do not just have normal properties but a fields properties that contains all properties which is parsed into real properties when doing a query. when doing a query. We write our queries in a class that extends the base generated Skeleton. Of course, all our SQL is raw and it is not rare to see more than 30 joins in a query. There is no documentation whatsoever on how that shit works and the code is, of course, really obscure. At least it is properly indented now... The code base is now at more than 10 million lines in committed files (including most of the front and config files). But the worst in all that is that my company was created less than 5 years ago. The creators of this ignominy did this because they do not like frameworks as it is, and I quote, "the mark of bad developers". I laughed and cried inside when he said this.
It 100% is. Most job apps (at even moderately sized companies) are presorted by programs, not people. So depending on how many are received, they can toggle how many keywords they wanna see the apps have, and auto toss out the ones that don't. If you aren't applying for a dead end job, the "requirements" are without fail not what the company absolutely needs, but the pie in the sky employee they hope to get. Someone who is both overqualified & underinformed to their own value. On job apps, anything you can learn or buy you say you know or already have. Any experience they want? You say you have it. And then go back through your app & fluff up your qualifications about 25% more. Companies haven't been fair on their end of the hiring tug-of-war my entire lifetime. If the consequences for doing the job incorrectly are anything less than potentially life threatening for you or someone else, you're a fucking dumb ass if you have a resume that ain't as full of horseshit as the job apps are	This is the way, my friends. It works.
The worst impossible feature I had to program was a file sharing feature. Sales: it is possible to share these files with anyone you want. You can simply email them. The receiver does not have to install any custom program to open the file. To prevent leaks, the receiver is not able to share a file he or she just received. What are your impossible jobs? I'd like to hear them.	Were there limits to file types? Did you control over the email domain or were they expecting shit like this with gmail and hotmail?
then engineering pulls it off and makes that impossible feature happen. and even more impossible features start piling in because they'll figure it out anyway.	Yeah and the problem is that when engineering pulls it off, marketing gets praised for the brilliant idea, but when engineering can't pull it off, they're blamed...
Did you try switching your network? Check your dns settings? Use your phone instead to check?	Nah, I just played the dinosaur jumping game in Chrome for a few hours. Most productive day I had all month.
Nah, I just played the dinosaur jumping game in Chrome for a few hours. Most productive day I had all month.	Been there, done that. Also had some rather surprised friends wondering how I got such a high score in the dino game.
Everytime man. Every stupid shit I did races through my head in those moments. Even worse when they are like "I will need to talk to you tomorrow in the evening" and you think what the fuck cant they tell me now? Why later? Oh god they figured out the one time I tried to hide my mistake and uplaoded the backup I had at night. I am so fired. And then its some BS they could've told me on the spot but apparently you need a meeting to tell me that they want me to make a new menu or something like that	I fucking hate this. Like not even from my manager or boss or whatever. Even if friends tell me that OVER FUCKING DISCORD! Like that's an instant text messaging app, even if I can't reply right now, just fucking tell me you want to know if I would like pineapples on my Pizza, Joe! Also the answer is no, we've been over this!
this is how i eat my sandwiches... is it not normal to eat them like this?	Everyone knows the cheese and ham go in vertically as well. The docs said put them in between the bread slices, duh!
Everyone knows the cheese and ham go in vertically as well. The docs said put them in between the bread slices, duh!	Ensure to spread ketchup on your tongue each time before you take a bite ;)
Holy shit, it has a name? I feel this way about everything, even things I’m objectively good at... at least according to other people.	Same here, not everything, but a lot of things! First time I heard the name and read about it I felt instantly better.
Wait, you, guys, have documentation? “The code is self-explanatory” is usually the answer I hear	We don't have documentation and we don't even pretend the code is self explanatory. We just say talk to that guy because he knew the other guy that no longer works here that wrote it
Ensure to spread ketchup on your tongue each time before you take a bite ;)	Don't use the butterknife for spreading the ketchup for some reason it only works with a fork... documentation doesn't address this problem...
We don't have documentation and we don't even pretend the code is self explanatory. We just say talk to that guy because he knew the other guy that no longer works here that wrote it	Why is this the way? Everyone I know in IT lives in this purgatory
It's like one of those A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd.	The first real customer walks into the bar and asks where the restroom is, and the bar explodes.
The first real customer walks into the bar and asks where the restroom is, and the bar explodes.	QA engineer here, this is now the real punchline whenever I tell this joke, thank you.
It's simple.. writing good documentation is a is a non trivial skill that most devs aren't good at. Mainly because they suffer from the curse of knowledge about the system they are trying to document.	Hmm that explains why I am so good at it. I am a creative writer by passion and a developer by necessity lol. I like technical writing about code more than writing the code itself, I wrote all my code as a person who has worked as an end user in those systems for a decade. So I am much better at understanding processes and real life data more than the code itself at times. I just love how you can see peoples brains working differently to reach the same output. My dad used to laugh and say "Ask a engineer how to skin a dead cat and they'll give you 1000 distinct ways to do it; but you're the guy who stops and asks why the fuck that guy has a dead cat to skin before looking for the solution."
Then there's me who doesn't know either what to do or the syntax to do it	Someone else will figure it out
It's not true btw. It's a job like any other. Better off with a qualification than without.	this is true. it’s a fun job with good pay, good benefits and decent downtime, at least where i am in the uk. really glad i chose this industry because its much more peaceful than my degree was.
And the RAM was returned from whenst it came. The End. Ok children time for bed.	Uploaded for someone else to download.
....except that those lab tutors don't have any industry experience and don't know what the hell they're doing either.	I was going to say, the lab tutors are grad students. They are trying to stay out of industry for as long as possible, if not forever.

When I'm testing something that should be working print("It worked!") When I'm testing something that shouldn't be working print("It didn't work!")

Lol. Just the other day debugging something infuriating, someone added a bunch of conditionals with empty returns. So, no error messages. I basically had to add a print "Works" after each to figure out which was returning nothing.

print("here") print("there") print("why the fuck am I here this shouldn't be possible")

This is what I do. If I ever need to use print commands to debug an error, it's because I have no fucking idea where the error is happening, so I throw exceptions with the message "here" until figure out where things are actually going wrong.

I was too paranoid to print 'fuck'. Always sure that'd somehow end up on prod.

As I’m still a student and only coding for myself, I’m lucky enough to not have that fear.

It's bad practice, one day you won't be. And if you miss it for school work, you will get called out.

I fully understand that, but I’m not having any informatics classes - this is really just for me. So for now, I don’t worry about it. Afaik there are better ways to debug than print statements anyway.

There's always a library It's always superior to what you wrote If youre lucky its still supported or is supported by what ever prehistoric version of the language your company forces you to use

There is not always a library. As an example, if you are programming on a microcontroller you have most of the time nothing.

Depends on the microcontroller... Since Arduinos became popular there have been so many libraries published. Even if you cant use the library directly it is often enough to copy it into my own shitty code... Only works if your Microcontroller can be programmed in something similar to C ofc....

I hate when I think I invented a new thing just to find out there's dozens of libraries/software that does that already

Don't, even if it's not as optimized as the library, the code you spent time writing is still yours and still a result of your work ! And you probably wrote it in your way thus actually inventing a coding patern !

Meanwhile, my employer: we didn't write it? And somebody thinks it's useful? We must write it own! And keep it closed source! Also we'll force our internal employees in other groups to use it, but ignore them when they suggest improvements and forbid then from contributing to it! And have only half of the developers we should have will be working on it! Also if can only be made with our 30 year old build scripts.

You may need therapy to recover

Don't, even if it's not as optimized as the library, the code you spent time writing is still yours and still a result of your work ! And you probably wrote it in your way thus actually inventing a coding patern !

This is solid programming pep talk

Me in high school: gets project to program functions that allow you to change the size of an array. Teacher the day after we turn it in: now let me tell you about ArrayLists Me: morherfucker

me: int var1, var2, var3...; Teacher: lemme tell you about arrays

If their code does it no better than mine, than I use mine, simply because I know the ins and outs of mine.

Yeah, but whoever eventually replaces you to maintain that code doesn't

That's job security right there.

No, that's a good way to get hunted down by frustrated, axe-wielding former co-workers.

Document as though the person who will maintain your code is an axe-wielding psychopath.

This was the first piece of coding advice I was ever given, and it is a good rule.

When the data gets parsed into the wrong data model in two places and it somehow still worked

It's like when a student of mine made a proportion that was wrong, then she made a mistake solving that proportion and arrived at the right answer. And then they're like "Why don't you give me an A for this?!"

This works until you deal with live data and the unintentional bodge can't handle it anymore

I tested it (on a day when it wasn't raining) and it worked fine! Why would I waste my time refactoring?

"Guys, I've made a Covid tracking app, totally original, will definitely help for real, and not be like every other abandoned proj

You'll abandon the project like you abandoned the word project halfway through

I tested it (on a day when it wasn't raining) and it worked fine! Why would I waste my time refactoring?

God this hurts to read lol

I've said for many years that creative code is a bad thing. Keep it as simple and readable as possible.

I would be very mad if I could read but thankfully I can't so this won't stop me. /s

This reminds me of a client that asked once why the program crashed and we shouldn't let it crash even once. On that moment i sent a code to a colleague like this: if(process_is_going_to_crash){ dont(); }

Just wow, all my problems are solved

When doing maths at school I always wrote down every step of a calculation, even if it was obvious. I did that so that I could always follow what calculations I was doing, what parts of an expression I was computing, and how. I apply the same principle in coding: i prefer do do an operation in four clear steps rather than in a single-line command that does 4 things at once. It's more readable when I have to figure out what a program does, and it's also easier to debug

And it might also be optimised when compiled, sometimes much better than if you did a single line

"Everyone knows that debugging is twice as hard as writing a program in the first place. So if you're as clever as you can be when you write it, how will you ever debug it?" - Brian Kernighan

just write so cleverly that you never need to debug it! /s

It is really hard to change if your ego is in the way. Some people just need to show off how smart they are, others just want job security.

If you write code only you can understand isn't this the best job security you can get?

Didn't the US say they were having trouble finding programmers who don't smoke weed? This is what happens kids

FBI, because they use hair which can check as far as 3 years back iirc

Because it recognizes this pattern: Nteen Nty N ...where N is a single digit number. With more training, it will hopefully learn 2-digit (and higher) values for N, and eventually change the pattern to: N N However, once it learns 4-digit numbers, it will potentially say something like "one thousand, one hundred and eleven": N ...instead of "eleven eleven" unless it is taught to somehow disambiguate between dates and numbers.

I think he means eleven eleven for the "Me" side.

I like how as I horizontally scrolled I noped out more and more. Also, a `const float` with an `i` prefix? Shouldn't that be an `f` prefix or am I misunderstanding the notation being used? Or was that intentional and it just went over my head?

lmao the i is because it is the factor based on the iterator "i"

I'm not particularly experienced, but from day 1 one of my priorities has been to keep my code as clear and readable as possible, even just for myself when I look at it later. We're not paying by the line here. One example: people seem obsessed with making short, ambiguous variable names. It's not 1972, you're not losing memory to the actual variable names. If it's the end boss' hitpoints, you can just call it endBossHitpoints, you don't have to call it endBhP or something cryptic like that, you're not going to run out of letters.

Totally agree. And with code autocomplete it’s even easier to use long names. I do scientific programming, so when something doesn’t work, we have to figure out whether the hypothesis was wrong, or if the code is just fucked up. It’s usually both

That's not very pythonic try: if not false != (not user.has_seen_post_before): dont() Don't ask me why though. I'm no zoologist.

I dont not not not not like this

"So I have this idea and it's like facebook and instagram combined but much better.."

"So I thought of something, like, y'know, imagine something like, GTA V y'know, but mixed with Call of Duty, and also it's in space, and also it's on mobile, and also it's an MMO." - Someone very serious, thinking that 1) I can do this alone in three weeks, 2) it will make *them* rich, and 3) that I actually give a damn about that. &nbsp; "Oh also can you hack my ex's instagram"

try again in french. pretty sure '1111' is "four twenties, ten times, then three hundreds and twenty again minus nine sil vous plait, ugh i need a glass of wine"

Ironically I think it’s easier than English: « mille cent onze » (sp?)

"Your program almost crashed. Instead, we stopped it to show you this picture of a cat instead."

On of our dev environments does this. No 404s only cat pic. The first time it happened I was happily surprised yet confused.

Relative: Can you fix my laptop? Me: Maybe, but then if anything goes wrong, you'll blame me. Relative: Fine, do want this piece of junk? Me: OK. \*takes it home, opens it up, finds it PACKED with dust. Turns out it was overheating within minutes of being powered up, had a janky power adapter and a dead battery. Blow out dust, replace crappy power adapter wires, throw in a spare SSD to replace the 5400rpm HD on the verge of failure\* Relative: \*sees working laptop on my desk running a minecraft server\* Did you con me out of a laptop? ...you can't win.

Wait. So did he take the laptop or did you keep it? I think you did a fine job fixing it.

Has it always has audio because I don't remember hearing any audio before today. Maybe I always had media muted?

Ya, always has had it. It's possible there are versions out there that don't but that would be a waste because his voice really makes it.

You can reconcile this fairly easily. x₁ = x₀ + 1 This, in some ways, might be cleaner and more sensible. The only real downside I can think of would be memory overhead. I didn't study CS though, so what do I know?

Nah this just isn't done because it's an extra character to type. Us programmers really hate typing. We'll pick IDEs solely based on how good it predicts what variables we're going to type so we don't have to type it all out. Assignment of primitives and pointers are just done so much more frequently than equality of primitives. So many languages just use a single key stroke for that assignment. It wouldn't cause any extra memory overhead because you'd just remove from existence x(0) and if you ever needed to return to x(0) you'd just perform the inverse operation onto x(1).

Pre increment operators are most efficient because they avoid a return value and thus an invocation of the copy constructor (:

Can you explain this?

y = x++ Versus y = ++x The first will save the initial value of x to y, then increment x and save it. The second will increment x and then save that value to y. So if x starts at 1 for both examples, the first would result in y=1, x=2. The second would result in y=2, x=2.

Oh, I see. Thanks for the explanation. Do you know if that is true for any language that supports pre incremental operators?

00:00:01 - Nothing to report. 00:00:02 - Log file contains one line. 00:00:03 - Log file contains two lines. 00:00:04 - Log file contains three lines. 00:00:05 - Log file contains four lines. 00:00:06 - Log file contains five lines. 00:00:07 - Log file contains six lines. 00:00:08 - Log file contains seven lines. 00:00:09 - Log file contains eight lines. 00:00:10 - Log file contains nine lines. ... 01:02:00 - Log file contains three thousand, seven hundred and nineteen lines. 01:02:01 - Something happened, but the log script was too busy counting lines. 01:02:02 - Log file contains three thousand, seven hundred and twenty-one lines.

This might actually happen when you forget to discard changes you made for fun (or tests, w/e), and then next morning you see that someone's deployed it

As has been scientifically proven, the best way to get help in any forum is to post an obviously wrong solution and insist it is correct.

Yep, that's Koomey's law

The whole cringey stage of people talking about bacon and narwhals was the worst.

You're just jealous. Your narwhal probably didn't even bacon at midnight lol.

Instead of trying to bend the spoon, simply realize that there is no spoon

Or realise the spoon is irrelevant and you would be better off using a spork.

Seeing wont fix come back on a bug report always makes me twitch a bit as QA.

why? less for you to test

Or realise the spoon is irrelevant and you would be better off using a spork.

I found the mongodb fan.

I like Wont Fix with a reason. - Won't Fix - Obsolete - Won't Fix - Working as Intended - Won't Fix - DGAF - Won't Fix - Got Promoted - Won't Fix - Need More Interns - Won't Fix - Budget not Approved

Mine are: Won't Fix - Must be a you problem and Won't Fix - We've got junior devs for that

Won't Fix - Not paid enough Won't Fix - Couldn't pay me enough Won't Fix - everytime I bring it up everyone stops talking and walks out of the room

Won't fix - religious reasons

I'm a senior developer with 21 years experience and still usually I have no idea what I'm doing...

I'm a junior developer that got my first SWE job in 2019. Good to know that this feeling will never go away

Hey hey I know you just started filing in that line, but look at all the code below, it's broken now

You're missing a semicolon, you haven't closed quotes, you're missing a close-brace and a bracket.

This checks out. I was able to become a hireable programmer in less than a year and I’m now 2-3 years in and still don’t know what I’m doing.

If someone claims they know what they're doing, run the fuck away. The most dangerous sort of idiot is one who believes themself a genius.

Teach her. Teaching helps SO MUCH. I have been teaching and to teach you need to actually understand. I usually use stuff without really understanding it, as long as it works. But when I have to explain things I cannot say "well, it just works like that". Seriously man teaching can get you really far

2nd this - I used to teach sysadmin and clustering for Sun Microsystems back when all that was a thing, now people think I am a CLI god. I'm not but they can think what they want.

Haha, it gets worse. Sometimes when I try to use a new variable it just autocompletes to some random method. Sometimes I want one method but get another that is similar or longer. Just a non existing example because I cant give you a real one: You want to use "print" and as soon as I hit enter I get "printLine.implode" or some random shit.

Uses VS2019 C# for unity. bool enable = tr *hits enter* bool enable = transform Thanks VS 2019

From the time I started writing this sentence there's probably been released 15 new javascript frameworks, 10 exceptionally good libraries, and at least one radically new method that will completely change how something's done in the future.

and you need to have +10 years of experience in all of them

If someone claims they know what they're doing, run the fuck away. The most dangerous sort of idiot is one who believes themself a genius.

I know what I **can** do, and what I am capable of doing. Unfortunately, anything I can contribute of value is currently in VBA and the rest of what I know encompasses fuckall. Still somehow employed so it could be worse.

Hmmm, kind of. She has great work ethic. She once studied for 6 hours straight and never opened youtube or any social media. Kinda nuts

6 hours straight... After 30 minutes of coding/studying I normally take a 60 minute call of duty break I think this explains why I still don't know anything after 4 years

ok the actual question do you guys put the milk first, or the raspberry pi

I tend to follow this order: 1. Pi 2. Milk 3. Bowl. 4. Raspberry

Data Link and Physical are the same layer in TCP/IP. They only differ in OSI which, while not only having slightly different names, also includes Presentation and Session layers between Application and Transport Just a slight remark, I like the image anyway

I actually knew everything you just said, wow. Sorry, I'm just proud of myself.

No need to apologize. Being proud of yourself is a good thing, it's very healthy

No idea how to restore deletes files. But if you ever want to test out a DDOS tool, you're free to use me as a guinea pig. Don't have anything better to do anyway. My IP is 127.0.0.1.

My limited understanding of IPs is telling me that you might actually be setting us up to fail...

"This post may contain erotic or adult imagery. By continuing, you acknowledge that you are 18+ years of age." Did anyone else get that?

Yep, I got it too. Image was SFW though.

Damn, I just remembered that many years ago, as an eager teenager, full of dreams and hope, I started learning Linux. Of course I had to have gamez so I installed Steam. Some day something happened and everything was just broken and gone. I reinstalled Windows and gave up. Maybe it was because of this? Did someone else's mistake change my whole future? If they hadn't done this, I could be now... ... a Linux sysadmin

Just think of how much longer and greyer your beard could be!

Practically because the web wasn't invented yet. But getting a computer science job then was WAY easier. If you were remotely interested in computers, you were hired in an instant.

I still keep an old IBM mainframe from the '80s in the basement. They used to plug terminals directly into the server to do computational work. Basically you were a 'Computer Engineer' just for doing data entry and running some basic formula's.

The bottom one is not as thick but much deeper on the z axis, it says so on the cover

Surely you mean the Y axis. Blender gang.

Seriously I'm never making more progress on my projects, than when exams are coming up and I should be learning.

I am in the exact same boat, I try to get a bit of programming done everyday but school isn't helping with that. I should work on my assignment on floating point numbers but instead I'm on discord messing with my soundboard bot

Bold of you to assume I'm incapable of starting Projects C, D and E in the meantime

Project ZZA right ahead

Companies: "Why can't we find anyone to hire?" Company: Ignores hundreds of over qualified people

Cheaper to employ some company from different part of globe. Source: That's me.

I wonder if recruiters compete to see who can remember the most languages when they write job ads...

"I added 3 more languages on the top of what we needed, just in case"

sure, a dev that knows everything knows nothing well. go ahead, try it!

Or if you actually found the guy who could do all that, it would still probably be cheaper to hire multiple developers.

My favorite job interview - the job ad had in it python,php,open source, mysql...two three minutes into the interview I said I hate Asp.Net. The woman tells me it's an Asp.Net position. I told her I only applied because of python and opensource and she just said yeah we put those incase we get interested. The ad never mentioned Asp.Net

It's the same as asking for someone to talk english, spanish, italian, and "just in case" russian, japanese and chinese :D

Ok but tell me how astrophysicist Darcy Lewis suddenly becomes a genius hacker stealing all of SWORD’s files

You mean political science student intern Darcy Lewis?

It's the same as asking for someone to talk english, spanish, italian, and "just in case" russian, japanese and chinese :D

Yeah but then actually wanting someone who can speak Lithuanian.

I had the same experience but with knockout JS. It's something I don't want to work with so I told it to recruiter. Then I got interview with the company and the dude asks me what I wouldnt want to work with and I say knockout JS. The role was for knockout dev There was no knockout JS in the description.

I'm beginning to believe it's their BS method of rejecting applicants.

I don’t know... recently I’m getting job description from recruiters with zero information about the actual position. The company name? Nope! Teckstack? Nope! Team size? Nope! Not even the kind of business the company is working in. But! Everybody seems to have a young, international, dynamic team and everybody is a technological leader.

I had to explain to a recruiter what Razor syntax was. He was looking for a .NET developer...

It's the same data (including CRM and sales programs), they expect you to know everything you've heard off (SQL, Access, Python, R, VBA, SPSS, etc.) + some programs that you've never heard off (Ostrich, PaperBack, Penfold, etc.)\*. Also throw in a foreign language. \*These are fake names but might as well real

Currently working on dynamics crm so I can say you need to know: C# VBA SQL Razor asp.net JS HTML Some kind of a js framework (jquery at least) YAML pipeline schema SSIS packages And I could probably continue and still forget something Oh and the bonus? Working for fucking < 13k € per year (it being about 20-30% below average for my country) (and before bonuses and other shit that job pays you like expenses for launch and transport to work)

Or if you actually found the guy who could do all that, it would still probably be cheaper to hire multiple developers.

Willing to pay $55,000 yr + benefits.

Obviously one that requires React, Vue, Angular, Blazor, jQuery, Electron, PHP, Java Spring, SQL Server, GraphQL, and MongoDB. And that’s just the corporate website.

I mean. On a large corporate site? It’s possible.

I had to explain to a recruiter what Razor syntax was. He was looking for a .NET developer...

In fairness, it's possible to know .NET pretty well and never touch Razor pages. My company uses .NET Core/C# on the backend and AngularJS on the frontend, no Razor syntax anywhere.

Man, seriously. "Let me hack into the database " then 2 keystrokes later, its done

I audibly laughed during that scene. Like, in 2021, even people who don’t know much if anything at all about hacking, know it’s much more complicated than some random keyboard jibberish and 2 seconds later you’re in

I once accepted a job as a C# developer and they had me writing a shitty in-house XML-based UI language instead -___-

But why when xaml already exists?

Quite likely they don't have an actual job, just want to collect your data. Don't fall for them.

Could you elaborate more? Onestly I've never heard of something like that, what would their end goal be?

I feel like that's saying you program in HTML, LaTeX is a typesetting software. Ig they could be talking about making packages for LaTeX, but I'd think you'd write those in another language, and there aren't many applications that aren't already covered

LateX is technically a Turing complete programming language. Html is not.

I laughed hard at an e-mail that was offering $35 an hour for a programmer but they wanted them to be proficient in 4 programming languages and 4 databases. It was a 3-month contract too, I still wonder how that went.

Do you ever think about replying to those to ask what color unicorn they want you to replace?

Because some hotshot dev wanted to make their own special snowflake version that does some domain-specific thing slightly better, and everything else miserably worse

Man I feel that, my company uses a custom php framework. By custom I mean from scratch without any composer dependencies(aka vendors) for . The base of our work is so shitty that we evaluate that we are at least 5 times less productive than we should be. I'll give an example of the nightmare it is by explaining how we make models and extract data from it. To make a model, we need to make an array with our fields and relations in a specific config folder. Then we run a script that generates what we call a skeleton. Said skeletons extend a Skeleton class that handles mapping between queries and skeletons. This Skeleton class extends a Database class that handles communication with MySQL. Of course, the skeletons do not just have normal properties but a fields properties that contains all properties which is parsed into real properties when doing a query. when doing a query. We write our queries in a class that extends the base generated Skeleton. Of course, all our SQL is raw and it is not rare to see more than 30 joins in a query. There is no documentation whatsoever on how that shit works and the code is, of course, really obscure. At least it is properly indented now... The code base is now at more than 10 million lines in committed files (including most of the front and config files). But the worst in all that is that my company was created less than 5 years ago. The creators of this ignominy did this because they do not like frameworks as it is, and I quote, "the mark of bad developers". I laughed and cried inside when he said this.

It 100% is. Most job apps (at even moderately sized companies) are presorted by programs, not people. So depending on how many are received, they can toggle how many keywords they wanna see the apps have, and auto toss out the ones that don't. If you aren't applying for a dead end job, the "requirements" are without fail not what the company absolutely needs, but the pie in the sky employee they hope to get. Someone who is both overqualified & underinformed to their own value. On job apps, anything you can learn or buy you say you know or already have. Any experience they want? You say you have it. And then go back through your app & fluff up your qualifications about 25% more. Companies haven't been fair on their end of the hiring tug-of-war my entire lifetime. If the consequences for doing the job incorrectly are anything less than potentially life threatening for you or someone else, you're a fucking dumb ass if you have a resume that ain't as full of horseshit as the job apps are

This is the way, my friends. It works.

The worst impossible feature I had to program was a file sharing feature. Sales: it is possible to share these files with anyone you want. You can simply email them. The receiver does not have to install any custom program to open the file. To prevent leaks, the receiver is not able to share a file he or she just received. What are your impossible jobs? I'd like to hear them.

Were there limits to file types? Did you control over the email domain or were they expecting shit like this with gmail and hotmail?

then engineering pulls it off and makes that impossible feature happen. and even more impossible features start piling in because they'll figure it out anyway.

Yeah and the problem is that when engineering pulls it off, marketing gets praised for the brilliant idea, but when engineering can't pull it off, they're blamed...

Did you try switching your network? Check your dns settings? Use your phone instead to check?

Nah, I just played the dinosaur jumping game in Chrome for a few hours. Most productive day I had all month.

Been there, done that. Also had some rather surprised friends wondering how I got such a high score in the dino game.

Everytime man. Every stupid shit I did races through my head in those moments. Even worse when they are like "I will need to talk to you tomorrow in the evening" and you think what the fuck cant they tell me now? Why later? Oh god they figured out the one time I tried to hide my mistake and uplaoded the backup I had at night. I am so fired. And then its some BS they could've told me on the spot but apparently you need a meeting to tell me that they want me to make a new menu or something like that

I fucking hate this. Like not even from my manager or boss or whatever. Even if friends tell me that OVER FUCKING DISCORD! Like that's an instant text messaging app, even if I can't reply right now, just fucking tell me you want to know if I would like pineapples on my Pizza, Joe! Also the answer is no, we've been over this!

this is how i eat my sandwiches... is it not normal to eat them like this?

Everyone knows the cheese and ham go in vertically as well. The docs said put them in between the bread slices, duh!

Ensure to spread ketchup on your tongue each time before you take a bite ;)

Holy shit, it has a name? I feel this way about everything, even things I’m objectively good at... at least according to other people.

Same here, not everything, but a lot of things! First time I heard the name and read about it I felt instantly better.

Wait, you, guys, have documentation? “The code is self-explanatory” is usually the answer I hear

We don't have documentation and we don't even pretend the code is self explanatory. We just say talk to that guy because he knew the other guy that no longer works here that wrote it

Ensure to spread ketchup on your tongue each time before you take a bite ;)

Don't use the butterknife for spreading the ketchup for some reason it only works with a fork... documentation doesn't address this problem...

We don't have documentation and we don't even pretend the code is self explanatory. We just say talk to that guy because he knew the other guy that no longer works here that wrote it

Why is this the way? Everyone I know in IT lives in this purgatory

It's like one of those A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd.

The first real customer walks into the bar and asks where the restroom is, and the bar explodes.

QA engineer here, this is now the real punchline whenever I tell this joke, thank you.

It's simple.. writing good documentation is a is a non trivial skill that most devs aren't good at. Mainly because they suffer from the curse of knowledge about the system they are trying to document.

Hmm that explains why I am so good at it. I am a creative writer by passion and a developer by necessity lol. I like technical writing about code more than writing the code itself, I wrote all my code as a person who has worked as an end user in those systems for a decade. So I am much better at understanding processes and real life data more than the code itself at times. I just love how you can see peoples brains working differently to reach the same output. My dad used to laugh and say "Ask a engineer how to skin a dead cat and they'll give you 1000 distinct ways to do it; but you're the guy who stops and asks why the fuck that guy has a dead cat to skin before looking for the solution."

Then there's me who doesn't know either what to do or the syntax to do it

Someone else will figure it out

It's not true btw. It's a job like any other. Better off with a qualification than without.

this is true. it’s a fun job with good pay, good benefits and decent downtime, at least where i am in the uk. really glad i chose this industry because its much more peaceful than my degree was.

And the RAM was returned from whenst it came. The End. Ok children time for bed.

Uploaded for someone else to download.

....except that those lab tutors don't have any industry experience and don't know what the hell they're doing either.

I was going to say, the lab tutors are grad students. They are trying to stay out of industry for as long as possible, if not forever.