AshtonIsNotHere/wikitext_bookcorpus_clean · Datasets at Hugging Face

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once he tightened his tie , he hurried out of the closet and over to the dresser .
when he grabbed his wallet and hospital authorization card , his gaze fell on the picture in the antique silver frame .
his late wife 's smile radiated from behind the glass .
jade was gazing up at him with her twinkling blue eyes-both of them wore brilliant smiles while being outfitted in the traditional indian wedding attire .
her long blonde hair fell in waves and was adorned with various ribbons , charms , and beads , as were the custom .
his chest tightened as he thought of the day his american-as-apple-pie-wife embraced his heritage by partaking in the full indian wedding ceremony .
although there were many happy days and good times in the course of their six-year marriage , he could n't remember a happier day than his wedding day .
it was the day they had finally come together as one-a uniting of two different people and cultures .
the day had held such promise of a happy and long future together .
turning away from the dresser , he also tried to turn away from the overwhelming grief that gripped him .
two years had passed since the horrible day when his thirty-five year old wife had been snatched away from him .
not a day went by when he did n't miss her , when he did n't dread coming home to an empty house not filled with her laughter or her sweet presence .
no one could quite fathom the true agonizing turmoil he had been through-only a select few , who had also had their heart torn from their chest , fully understood the gaping hole of emptiness left behind .
with a heavy heart , he headed out the door .
on the short drive in to work , pesh did n't bother turning on the radio to drown out the voices of sorrow echoing through his head .
no matter how hard he tried , he could not rid himself of his pain .
family and friends had afforded him one year of grieving before they had been on him to move on .
desperately , they tried to get him to realize that the last thing his jade would want was for him to continue carrying a torch for her-to spend his life sad and alone .
he 'd tried to prove to them he had moved on , but that only resulted in projecting what he thought was love onto a woman who was just as confused about her life as he was .
he 'd vowed after that mistake that he was n't going to let anyone dictate when it was time for him to move on from jade 's memory .
if he was to love or marry again , he would be the one to take the steps .
he made the same rote pilgrimage from the staff parking lot into the hospital .
every day was just the same , one right after the other .
he 'd barely had time to ease on his white medical coat when he heard his name being paged over the intercom .
rushing over to the sink , he scrubbed up as quickly as he could before whirling around .
using his back to open the door to the doctor 's lounge , he did his best speed walking down the hallway to the trauma area .
the moment he swept through the glass doors , the staff pounced on him .
two nurses were at the man 's head .
one held down the face mask as the other pumped air through the bag into his airways .
another was stationed at the man 's side doing cpr compressions intervals on the chest .
after donning a pair of rubber gloves , pesh glanced to the charge nurse as he hurried to the man 's side .
`` male , forty-five , collapsed at the jogging park during a run .
coded once on the trip over , '' she quickly informed him .
`` bp is dropping , '' another nurse called behind him .
machines began beeping on and off , a symphony of noise heralding impending doom .
`` okay , we need to shock him again . ''
the crash cart was rolled up to the gurney .
`` clear , '' pesh commanded .
the nurses administering compressions to his chest and the intubation bag stepped back , holding their hands off the man .
pesh brought the gelled paddles to the man 's chest .
as the electrical charge raged through the man 's body , his arms and legs flailed .
`` charging at 360 joules , '' a nurse replied .
as he brought the paddles once again to the man 's chest , pesh muttered , `` come on , come on , beat , dammit , '' under his breath .
it did n't matter how young or how old , he hated to lose a patient .
although the body shuddered and jerked in reaction to the electricity , the heart remained frozen .
although it was a losing battle , he called , `` clear ! ''
when the man 's vital signs did n't change , pesh shook his head .
`` we need to open him up to massage the heart .
get me the rib spreader and the chest saw and page one of the residents , '' he ordered .
he took a face mask from another nurse and slid it on .
after making a quick incision in the man 's chest , pesh took the saw from one of the nurses .
once he had sawed through the sternum , he shifted to the side to allow a nurse to move closer to work the crank on the rib spreader .
pushing aside the hard bone of the sternum , he gently took the man 's still heart in his hands .
no matter how many times he 'd had to do it before , there was still something so humbling as holding the most important muscle in the human body in the palm of your hand .
squeezing it over and over , pesh mimed the usual pumping the organ did .
seconds ticked agonizingly by as they waited to see if the damaged heart would restart .
when it remained still , pesh sighed and closed his eyes for a moment .
glancing up at the clock on the wall , he said with regret , `` calling time of death : nine forty-seven a.m. '' `` want me to handle the family ? ''
i 'm sure they 'll want to see him . ''
he took off his bloody gloves and tossed them dejectedly into the hazardous materials trash can and then removed his mask .
he walked over to the glass doors of the trauma area where a paramedic stood surveying the scene .
`` do we have a name on him ? ''
the paramedic flashed the guy 's driver 's license .
he walked down the long hallway before pushing open the button on the mechanical door that led out of the emergency area .
in a room to the side of the waiting room , the man 's wife and two teenage sons sat in hushed silence .
as he opened the door , he said a silent prayer for strength .
this was the most difficult aspect of his job .
while he relished in the long hours of saving lives and diagnosing illnesses , this part drained him both emotionally and physically .
the woman , who appeared to be in her late thirties or early forties , rose from the chair she was sitting in .
he held out his hand for her to shake .
`` i 'm dr. nadeen .
i was assigned your husband 's case . ''
she bobbed her head and took a step forward .
`` your husband experienced a severe myocardial infarction . ''
at her blank look , he replied , `` a heart attack . ''
`` oh my god , i ca n't believe it .
he 's had some high cholesterol , but he 's been running every day .
i was only ten minutes from here dropping the boys off at school , and i told them i bet their dad had fallen and broken his ankle or something .
of course , i wondered why he would n't call instead of the hospital ... '' realizing she was rambling , her voice cut off .
`` but he 's okay now ? ''
`` i 'm very sorry , but the heart attack caused too much damage to the heart .
we were never able to revive him after he was brought in . ''
the woman 's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates .
surely there is something you can do ! ''
we did everything we could to save him , including multiple attempts of resuscitation past what the paramedics originally did , but he did not respond to our attempts . ''
the woman 's wail pierced through to pesh 's soul .
she collapsed back against her sons , who now had tears in their eyes .
stoic on the outside , pesh stood by her side as she sobbed uncontrollably .
most doctors when playing the grim reaper would deliver the bad news and then retreat .
pesh believed that part of a patient 's care also meant the care of their family .
that 's why he ignored his pager going off in his pocket .
it was only when his name was paged over the intercom that he took a step forward .
he placed a hand on the widow 's shoulder .
`` if you would like to be with him until the funeral home arrives , you can follow me . ''
`` y-yes , please , '' she murmured .
with her sons flanking her , she followed pesh out of the room and behind the mechanized doors .
when they got to the exam room where her husband 's body was , pesh turned and once again touched her shoulder .
`` i 'm so very sorry for your loss . ''
`` thank you , '' her son mumbled when his mother was unable to speak .
instead , she rushed forward to bury her head against her husband 's chest .

once he tightened his tie , he hurried out of the closet and over to the dresser .

when he grabbed his wallet and hospital authorization card , his gaze fell on the picture in the antique silver frame .

his late wife 's smile radiated from behind the glass .

jade was gazing up at him with her twinkling blue eyes-both of them wore brilliant smiles while being outfitted in the traditional indian wedding attire .

her long blonde hair fell in waves and was adorned with various ribbons , charms , and beads , as were the custom .

his chest tightened as he thought of the day his american-as-apple-pie-wife embraced his heritage by partaking in the full indian wedding ceremony .

although there were many happy days and good times in the course of their six-year marriage , he could n't remember a happier day than his wedding day .

it was the day they had finally come together as one-a uniting of two different people and cultures .

the day had held such promise of a happy and long future together .

turning away from the dresser , he also tried to turn away from the overwhelming grief that gripped him .

two years had passed since the horrible day when his thirty-five year old wife had been snatched away from him .

not a day went by when he did n't miss her , when he did n't dread coming home to an empty house not filled with her laughter or her sweet presence .

no one could quite fathom the true agonizing turmoil he had been through-only a select few , who had also had their heart torn from their chest , fully understood the gaping hole of emptiness left behind .

with a heavy heart , he headed out the door .

on the short drive in to work , pesh did n't bother turning on the radio to drown out the voices of sorrow echoing through his head .

no matter how hard he tried , he could not rid himself of his pain .

family and friends had afforded him one year of grieving before they had been on him to move on .

desperately , they tried to get him to realize that the last thing his jade would want was for him to continue carrying a torch for her-to spend his life sad and alone .

he 'd tried to prove to them he had moved on , but that only resulted in projecting what he thought was love onto a woman who was just as confused about her life as he was .

he 'd vowed after that mistake that he was n't going to let anyone dictate when it was time for him to move on from jade 's memory .

if he was to love or marry again , he would be the one to take the steps .

he made the same rote pilgrimage from the staff parking lot into the hospital .

every day was just the same , one right after the other .

he 'd barely had time to ease on his white medical coat when he heard his name being paged over the intercom .

rushing over to the sink , he scrubbed up as quickly as he could before whirling around .

using his back to open the door to the doctor 's lounge , he did his best speed walking down the hallway to the trauma area .

the moment he swept through the glass doors , the staff pounced on him .

two nurses were at the man 's head .

one held down the face mask as the other pumped air through the bag into his airways .

another was stationed at the man 's side doing cpr compressions intervals on the chest .

after donning a pair of rubber gloves , pesh glanced to the charge nurse as he hurried to the man 's side .

`` male , forty-five , collapsed at the jogging park during a run .

coded once on the trip over , '' she quickly informed him .

`` bp is dropping , '' another nurse called behind him .

machines began beeping on and off , a symphony of noise heralding impending doom .

`` okay , we need to shock him again . ''

the crash cart was rolled up to the gurney .

`` clear , '' pesh commanded .

the nurses administering compressions to his chest and the intubation bag stepped back , holding their hands off the man .

pesh brought the gelled paddles to the man 's chest .

as the electrical charge raged through the man 's body , his arms and legs flailed .

`` charging at 360 joules , '' a nurse replied .

as he brought the paddles once again to the man 's chest , pesh muttered , `` come on , come on , beat , dammit , '' under his breath .

it did n't matter how young or how old , he hated to lose a patient .

although the body shuddered and jerked in reaction to the electricity , the heart remained frozen .

although it was a losing battle , he called , `` clear ! ''

when the man 's vital signs did n't change , pesh shook his head .

`` we need to open him up to massage the heart .

get me the rib spreader and the chest saw and page one of the residents , '' he ordered .

he took a face mask from another nurse and slid it on .

after making a quick incision in the man 's chest , pesh took the saw from one of the nurses .

once he had sawed through the sternum , he shifted to the side to allow a nurse to move closer to work the crank on the rib spreader .

pushing aside the hard bone of the sternum , he gently took the man 's still heart in his hands .

no matter how many times he 'd had to do it before , there was still something so humbling as holding the most important muscle in the human body in the palm of your hand .

squeezing it over and over , pesh mimed the usual pumping the organ did .

seconds ticked agonizingly by as they waited to see if the damaged heart would restart .

when it remained still , pesh sighed and closed his eyes for a moment .

glancing up at the clock on the wall , he said with regret , `` calling time of death : nine forty-seven a.m. '' `` want me to handle the family ? ''

i 'm sure they 'll want to see him . ''

he took off his bloody gloves and tossed them dejectedly into the hazardous materials trash can and then removed his mask .

he walked over to the glass doors of the trauma area where a paramedic stood surveying the scene .

`` do we have a name on him ? ''

the paramedic flashed the guy 's driver 's license .

he walked down the long hallway before pushing open the button on the mechanical door that led out of the emergency area .

in a room to the side of the waiting room , the man 's wife and two teenage sons sat in hushed silence .

as he opened the door , he said a silent prayer for strength .

this was the most difficult aspect of his job .

while he relished in the long hours of saving lives and diagnosing illnesses , this part drained him both emotionally and physically .

the woman , who appeared to be in her late thirties or early forties , rose from the chair she was sitting in .

he held out his hand for her to shake .

`` i 'm dr. nadeen .

i was assigned your husband 's case . ''

she bobbed her head and took a step forward .

`` your husband experienced a severe myocardial infarction . ''

at her blank look , he replied , `` a heart attack . ''

`` oh my god , i ca n't believe it .

he 's had some high cholesterol , but he 's been running every day .

i was only ten minutes from here dropping the boys off at school , and i told them i bet their dad had fallen and broken his ankle or something .

of course , i wondered why he would n't call instead of the hospital ... '' realizing she was rambling , her voice cut off .

`` but he 's okay now ? ''

`` i 'm very sorry , but the heart attack caused too much damage to the heart .

we were never able to revive him after he was brought in . ''

the woman 's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates .

surely there is something you can do ! ''

we did everything we could to save him , including multiple attempts of resuscitation past what the paramedics originally did , but he did not respond to our attempts . ''

the woman 's wail pierced through to pesh 's soul .

she collapsed back against her sons , who now had tears in their eyes .

stoic on the outside , pesh stood by her side as she sobbed uncontrollably .

most doctors when playing the grim reaper would deliver the bad news and then retreat .

pesh believed that part of a patient 's care also meant the care of their family .

that 's why he ignored his pager going off in his pocket .

it was only when his name was paged over the intercom that he took a step forward .

he placed a hand on the widow 's shoulder .

`` if you would like to be with him until the funeral home arrives , you can follow me . ''

`` y-yes , please , '' she murmured .

with her sons flanking her , she followed pesh out of the room and behind the mechanized doors .

when they got to the exam room where her husband 's body was , pesh turned and once again touched her shoulder .

`` i 'm so very sorry for your loss . ''

`` thank you , '' her son mumbled when his mother was unable to speak .

instead , she rushed forward to bury her head against her husband 's chest .