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[S1] And then wait for the breath in. And just think about- [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah, breathing into the back. Exactly. [S2] It's softer. [S1] It's calmer. [S2] And it relaxes your shoulders as well. [S1] It's relaxing you and it's making you seem calm under pressure, which is when people give you a job, 'cause you seem calm under pressure. So breathe into your back. [S2] Mm. [S1] And the tip, the secret tip is imagine a lovely smell. [S2] Oh, okay. Luckily, you smell great. [S1] Oh, good. [S2] So that is easy to imagine. [S1] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Ah, okay. So they'll kind of introduce, say what they're going to say, and then say it in an ordered manner. [S2] Exactly. [S1] Ah, see, I, I get in a bit of a panic. I'll try and give as much information as I possibly can to try and appear knowledgeable about the topic. But you're saying it's better to just prioritize- [S2] Exactly. [S1] ... and order. Okay. [S2] I mean,
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[S1] I mean, if the question's easy, then you probably don't have to do this, but it's, it's when the question's tricky and you go into brain freeze. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's that moment of three things and it forces you to structure. [S2] And so you need that breath. [S1] Exactly. [S2] To think about the order as well. So tip two and three go together quite nicely. [S1] They're synchronized, exactly. [S2] Yeah. Okay, very interesting. Right, the last topic that we're going to cover today is talking on the telephone.
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[S1] ... an essential part of life. [S2] The telephone calls are hard, aren't they? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] That whole thing that we can't see the other person. [S1] You can't see their reaction, so you don't know whether they like what you're saying.
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[S1] It's tricky. And I, the first tip for calls is another actor tip, and it was an actress called Anna Massey, who's no longer with us. She's died, sadly. But she said, "When I'm on the phone to someone, I picture them sitting on a sofa," a bit like this, you know, "sitting at home, and even if I haven't met them, I imagine what they look like." [S2] Okay. [S1] And it's a nice imagination tip. It helps you kind of tune into that person and be curious. And I do this, even with corporate clients. If I'm talking to someone, I imagine where they're sitting, you know, what they're wearing,
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[S1] And the iambic, English has what's called really an iambic pentameter, which is like Hamlet. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, if you think of to be or not to be, that is the question, there's a kind of de dum, de dum, de dum, de dum. [S2] There's the rhythm, yes. Yeah. [S1] And lots of languages, as you know, you know, Spanish doesn't have that. It's a different kind of rhythm. So when you're speaking on the phone, if you really hit the nouns and the verbs, in particular, the meaning words, you give them a little bit of punch. You can actually punch the words as you're talking if they can't see you. So,
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[S1] Hi, my name's Caroline. You know, we're going to be talking about emphasis. I'm hitting with my hand the important words. If they're on the phone, they won't know. [S2] Just as long as they don't forget they're on a Skype call. [S1] Yeah, don't do it on Skype. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Great. And what's your final tip? And the final tip of today, actually. [S2] The final tip? The final tip of today is if you are nervous about a call, if you need to make a great impression, stand up. [S1] Stand up. Okay. I always see my dad doing that. My dad is a, is a managing director and he's always marching around the house on the phone. I thought it was 'cause he has bad knees. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] But maybe it's because it makes him feel more confident.
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[S1] And there's a final tweet to that, which is what voiceover artists do. You know, if you're voicing over a movie like, um, Sing or something- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... they gesture. So they'll be standing in a voiceover studio and they, they go crazy with gesture because what they know is that gesture orchestrates the intonation of the voice. So if my hands are high, my voice goes high. If my hands are low, my voice goes low. So stand up, [LAUGHS] hold the, the receiver to one ear or get yourself on speakerphone and wave your arms about and you will,
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[S1] So yes, thank you very, very much for being my guest today. [S2] My pleasure. Thank you. [S1] And remember, be bold for change and make a change in your life and be more confident. Don't forget to connect with me on all of my social media. I've got my Facebook and my Instagram and I will see you soon for another lesson. Bye. Mwah. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Oh, that's it. Thank you guys.
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[S1] Hello everyone, and welcome back to English with Lucy. Today, I've got a very special guest. This is Caroline Goida. [S2] Hello. [S1] And Caroline, would you like to introduce yourself? What do you do?
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[S1] I'm now a voice coach, but for many year... Well, if we go back to late '90s, I was a TEFL teacher briefly. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So I know this world very well. I remember standing in front of my group of Argentinean students to teach them English and being utterly terrified being in the spotlight. And now I teach people how to be in the spotlight.
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[S1] I was teaching in Gojów in Northwest Poland. [S2] Pretty amazing. [S1] Which was fantastic, but a very unlikely place to go after your TEFL training. I loved it. [S2] What made you choose? [S1] There was a poster on the wall in my TEFL school and I just went, "Oh, there's a job." And so I went to Poland. It was great. I love Poland. It's fantastic. [S2] Yeah, I've never been to Poland. I have quite a few Polish subscribers, so I'm sure they would love to hear you speak some Polish. [S1] Dzień dobry. [LAUGHS] That's about it. [S2] There's one word. There's one word I know that's "na zdrowie".
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[S1] Yeah, that's good. That's like your prost. You know, that's your drinking word. [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] Pivo is a good word for beer. [S2] Okay. [S1] I'm not, you know, giving any aspersions to my time in Poland. [S2] [LAUGHS] I bet you had a great time. Um, and so what made you go into voice coaching then? [S1] Well, I trained as an actor. I went to drama school and I, to be honest, I wasn't a great actor.
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[S1] Well, again, I mean, so often these things happen by accident. I was coaching for TEDx in Brixton. [S2] Okay. [S1] And the very brilliant curator there, Stephanie, said, "Well, have you got a talk in you?" And I said, "Yeah, I think so." So I pitched talks, which is how you get into TEDx. They took it on. I did it in 2014, and it's had nearly 3 million views, which is insane. [S2] Wow. Congratulations. [S1] Thank you. [S2] That is a lot of views. [S1] Thank you. YouTube.
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[S1] Well, so I learnt a lot about this a few years back when I was interviewing A-list actors. 'Cause I wrote a book which was talking to A-list actors about confidence. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I would go to people like Helen Mirren and say, "So tell me about confidence," thinking that they knew things, that they were confident. They weren't. None of them were. [S2] Really? [S1] And one of the people who said she wasn't confident was Helen Mirren. Big surprise to me there. [S2] Yeah, like the most beautiful woman ever. [S1] So surreal.
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[S1] ... are so serene, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] And she said, "When I have to go to a party after a show, you know, actors go,
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[S1] ... to the bar after a show. They have parties before launches, all that kind of thing. She said, "I get really, really nervous." [S2] Okay. [S1] And she had a great tip, which is, first thing you have to do is think about your body. You know, really relax your shoulders, relax your breathing, center your voice. 'Cause she says, "I hate the way," and this is a good one for Women's Day, you know, "I hate the way that when we get nervous as women, we kind of start screaming and shrieking and our voices go high." She says, "Keep your voice nice and low and relaxed." [S2] Okay. [S1] So, I think that's a really good one. Stay relaxed, relax your shoulders, center your voice.
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[S1] And you can just picture his face, can't you? You know, there's the, the, there are the muscles around our eyes that crinkle up when we're with a friend. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's called a Duchenne smile and it just relaxes us. [S2] Okay. [S1] And, yeah, you try it. It really, really works. [S2] So you kind of close your eyes or what do you do?
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[S1] You just imagine that you've bumped into an old friend and that you're talking to them and you let your brain chemistry do the rest. So just think about smiling, talking to an old friend and how you smile at them, that's it. And then your face relaxes, your voice relaxes, you know, it's, it's brain chemistry. [S2] Amazing. [S1] It's- [S2] I've never heard a tip like that before, so, really good.
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[S1] So that's number two. And the third one I would say is, as you walk through the door of a party, just think, "I've only got to be there for five minutes." [S2] Okay. [S1] And this was taught to me by someone who's a real introvert, and she said she, it was another actor, and she said, "I used to really dread parties, but if I, it's like going to the gym. You know, I'm, I'm not a great one for going to the gym, but if I say to myself, 'I'm only gonna go for five minutes,' when I get there,
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[S1] I'm much more likely to stay 'cause it's quite fun. If you say to yourself, "I'm only gonna go for five minutes," and then you get there and you've had a drink and you're enjoying yourself, you're gonna stay for a bit longer. So just say, even if you're dreading it, "I'm just gonna stay for five minutes." Then find someone, talk to them as if they're an old friend, and keep your shoulders relaxed and you'll be fine. [S2] And your voice nice and low. [S1] Voice nice and low. Don't scream. [S2] Yeah, that's true. I think when I'm on camera, I probably speak with a, a much lower voice
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[S1] And when I'm meeting new people for the first time, I would definitely say it goes up a couple of tones. So, oh, I will be, I'll, I'll be aware of that. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Okay, so another big question that I get is about dating. And this came up recently because I made a video about how to say dates in English. And a lot of people were excited, thinking that I was going to teach them about dating. [LAUGHS] But actually, I was speaking about numerical dates. So,
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[S1] You taught me years ago, and this is another acting tip, that when you meet someone and you're on a date, what you have to do is think, this is, and this is a real actor's tip, you have to think, "I'm beautiful. Someone loves me. I have a secret." [S2] So these are three things. [S1] Three things you have to think to yourself, "I'm beautiful," 'cause it kinda gives us a little spark. You know, there- [S2] It makes us touch. [S1] There are days when you're not feeling like that and it just gives you a kind of sparkle. Someone loves me, which gives you, it's brain chemistry again. It gives you a kind of warmth and a, a presence. And I have a secret.
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[S1] ... Chris, gives you a bit of a twinkle. [S2] Do you actually have to have a secret? [S1] It helps. [S2] Okay. I'll try to think of one. [S1] I don't think it has to be.
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[S1] Doesn't have to be WikiLeaks level, just, you know, something. Or actors also talk about a naughty thought. [S2] A naughty thought? [S1] A bit of a twinkle. That's a good one. [S2] I have a couple of those. [S1] That's definitely working. So a twinkle in the eyes. And it just, she said, it just gives me a presence when I'm dating or, you know, she's going to parties as well, that makes her shine and that makes people, it seems like you're a fun person to talk to. Whereas so often in our head, we've got a kind of inner voice that's saying mean stuff. [S2] Definitely. Definitely. [S1] We all do.
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[S1] We all do. We all have it. [S2] Before I go out for a date, I don't date much, but when I do, I always look at myself in the mirror beforehand and I think, "Well, that's not right," and maybe he won't find me funny. But I guess if I think about all the good things first. [S1] Exactly. [S2] And recognize those.
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[S1] Partly, yes. I think if you have two or three starter questions- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... then really listen and just do great follow-up questions. So if they say, "I really love Seville," say, "Oh, great. Where did you go in Seville?" And it's, and then if they say, "Well, there's a great tapas bar," you know, "Tell me about tapas. I've never had it." You just, you just follow the thread of the conversation and you just turn what they say into another great question.
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[S1] And then you show you're engaged and that you've been listening, which is important because sometimes you're having a conversation with someone and you can see their eyes glaze over a little bit. [S2] And that's horrible. [S1] Yeah, it's the worst. [S2] It, and it will kill any spark. So having to really listen because you're going to ask a great follow-up question is really powerful because they feel that they have that connection.
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[S1] That, I mean, that is really hard. It, as you say, public speaking is bad enough, and doing it in a language where you don't feel safe, where you don't feel that if you go wrong you can escape, is really scary. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So the things I always say to people are, firstly, if you're doing it in a language that's not your first, you've got to practice twice as much. So when I talk to clients about rehearsing presentation, I'll say to them, "Take your phone, find voice notes on your phone, and record it."
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[S1] Now that is a tip I really gel with because I, when I speak in my second language, which is Spanish, I will record myself and then I'll listen back to it and I will notice loads of mistakes that I didn't realize that I made at the time. And also you get to know it better. [S2] Exactly. [S1] But I feel a natural inclination to avoid practicing. Is that something that you feel as well? [S2] That, that's human. [S1] Why? [S2] That's so human. [S1] Why does that happen? [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Tip number two is that you've got to get the body relaxed and prepared. So it's what I call getting the butterflies- [S2] You got me moving there. Okay. [S1] Breathing and grounding. The butterflies have to fly in formation. So you know in English we say that you, the, you get butterflies in your stomach. [S2] Yes, that's a great idiom. If we're nervous and you feel that funny feeling in your, in your tummy, we, we call it having butterflies. So you're saying that we need to get our butterflies in formation. [S1] Like the red
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[S1] Like the red arrows, like the, you know, the, the planes that fly in formation. [S2] So you need to take hold of those butterflies and, and channel them into something positive. [S1] Exactly. [S2] Okay. [S1] 'Cause the idea is, I mean, is it for performers as well, for, you know, anybody who's on stage, that adrenaline is actually a really good thing.
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[S1] 'Cause adrenaline is a feeling that I hate. Those nerves before a first date, I can't stand it. 'Cause I'm normally quite a confident person, and I guess the feeling of feeling really nervous and, and the butterflies, I don't like. But you're saying that it's a positive thing. [S2] It's a good thing. [S1] Oh.
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[S1] Now, the way that performers and athletes are taught to do this is it's a lot about how you ground yourself and how you breathe. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So I'd say to anybody, you know, before you do something like a speech, don't spend three hours checking your email or playing a game. You know, do something calming. Yoga, go for a run, go for a swim. Sit quietly. Meditate, if that's your thing.
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[S1] The final tip is when you walk out on stage, you know, when you face the audience, you have to see them as old friends. So it's a bit like the George Clooney tip. And what I do when I have an audience is I'll spend a little bit of time at the beginning before, before the show goes up, as it were, before the show starts, before I speak. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] I'll go and talk to people in the audience. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I'll find out from maybe three people what they want. What's it, why have they come today? What are they interested in?
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[S1] So, for me as an introvert, what's scary is feeling that everybody's looking at me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That's a horrible feeling. But if I'm curious about the audience, if I'm thinking how can I help the audience get what they want, I'm not thinking about me anymore, and then I'm in what's called a flow state. [S2] Okay. [S1] And then it's just like having a chat. It's like us sitting here now having a chat. That's how you want to be on stage. It just happens there's a thousand people in front of you. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] And if you've, if you've spoken to a few of those people, you have a sense of why they're there, and then you forget yourself. [S2] And you have a, you have a role, a purpose. It's not just you being on stage, look at me. [S1] I couldn't speak if I thought it was about me. But when I stepped up for the TEDx, it wasn't about me. It was about helping the audience get something useful.
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[S1] Go for a run or do some yoga or something beforehand. [S2] That's a good idea because I went for the coffee. [S1] Don't have the coffee. [S2] No, I'll ditch the coffee. Green tea and a run. [S1] Yeah, lots of water. [S2] Okay.
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[S1] Yes, and I spend quite a lot of time with people thinking about job interviews, 'cause they're horrible, aren't they? [S2] They're the worst. [S1] Just, they're evil. So there are, there are tips and tricks to help you guess over that feeling of being watched. 'Cause I think the first thing to say is you are, you know, in a job interview, you really are being observed. [S2] Absolutely. [S1] There's no getting away. [S2] Every interview. [S1] Which is, it's quite hideous feeling. So you firstly just have to get yourself nice and calm and centered.
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[S1] Exactly. [S2] So what about tip number two, then? [S1] So breathing is really important in an interview. [S2] Breathing? [S1] Yep, yep. Because what, you know, you get a horrible question, don't you? Think of the moment where someone asks you a really horrible question. [S2] The worst one for me would be, "Describe your weakness," or something like that. [S1] Oh. [S2] I hate that question. But they ask it all the time. They want to see how you respond. So you say that I should breathe.
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[S1] Remember to breathe. Now, okay, so how you breathe is important. 'Cause what most of us do when a really horrible question comes is we kinda go, we breathe here, we go, [INHALES] and it's a bit extreme, that, but there's a kind of chest breath that's happening. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That breath is not helping you. What you want to do is breathe into your back. So if you notice your back ribs, just kind of feel your back ribs and notice that if you breathe out, do a little kind of blowing out birthday candles breath,
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[S1] And then wait for the breath in. And just think about- [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah, breathing into the back. Exactly. [S2] It's softer. [S1] It's calmer. [S2] And it relaxes your shoulders as well. [S1] It's relaxing you and it's making you seem calm under pressure, which is when people give you a job, 'cause you seem calm under pressure. So breathe into your back. [S2] Mm. [S1] And the tip, the secret tip is imagine a lovely smell. [S2] Oh, okay. Luckily, you smell great. [S1] Oh, good. [S2] So that is easy to imagine. [S1] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Ah, okay. So they'll kind of introduce, say what they're going to say, and then say it in an ordered manner. [S2] Exactly. [S1] Ah, so I, I get in a bit of a panic. I'll try and give as much information as I possibly can to try and appear knowledgeable about the topic. But you're saying it's better to just prioritize- [S2] Exactly. [S1] ... and order. Okay. [S2] I mean,
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[S1] I mean, if the question's easy, then you probably don't have to do this, but it's, it's when the question's tricky and you go into brain freeze. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's that moment of three things and it forces you to structure. [S2] And so you need that breath. [S1] Exactly. [S2] To think about the order as well. So tip two and three go together quite nicely. [S1] They're synchronized, exactly. [S2] Yeah. Okay, very interesting. Right, the last topic that we're going to cover today is talking on the telephone.
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[S1] ... an essential part of life. [S2] The telephone calls are hard, aren't they? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] That whole thing that we can't see the other person. [S1] You can't see their reaction, so you don't know whether they like what you're saying.
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[S1] It's tricky. And I, the first tip for calls is another actor tip, and it was an actress called Anna Massey, who's no longer with us. She's died, sadly. But she said, "When I'm on the phone to someone, I picture them sitting on a sofa," a bit like this, you know, "sitting at home, and even if I haven't met them, I imagine what they look like." [S2] Okay. [S1] And it's a nice imagination tip. It helps you kind of tune into that person and be curious. And I do this, even with corporate clients. If I'm talking to someone, I imagine where they're sitting, you know, what they're wearing,
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[S1] And the iambic, English has what's called really an iambic pentameter, which is like Hamlet. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, if you think of to be or not to be, that is the question, there's a kind of de dum, de dum, de dum, de dum. [S2] There's the rhythm, yeah. [S1] And lots of languages, as you know, you know, Spanish doesn't have that. It's a different kind of rhythm. So when you're speaking on the phone, if you really hit the nouns and the verbs, in particular, the meaning words, you give them a little bit of punch. You can actually punch the words as you're talking if they can't see you. So,
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[S1] Hi, my name's Caroline. You know, we're going to be talking about emphasis. I'm hitting with my hand the important words. If they're on the phone, they won't know. [S2] Just as long as they don't forget they're on a Skype call. [S1] Yeah, don't do it on Skype.
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[S1] Great. And what's your final tip? And the final tip of today, actually. [S2] The final tip? The final tip of today is if you are nervous about a call, if you need to make a great impression, stand up. [S1] Stand up. Okay. I always see my dad doing that. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] My dad is a, is a managing director and he's always marching around the house on the phone. I thought it was 'cause he has bad knees. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] But maybe it's because it makes him feel more confident.
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[S1] And there's a final tweet to that, which is what voiceover artists do. You know, if you're voicing over a movie like, um, Sing or something- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... they gesture. So they'll be standing in a voiceover studio and they, they go crazy with gesture because what they know is that gesture orchestrates the intonation of the voice. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So if my hands are high, my voice goes high. If my hands are low, my voice goes low. So stand up [LAUGHS]
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[S1] So yes, thank you very, very much for being my guest today. [S2] My pleasure. Thank you. [S1] And remember, be bold for change and make a change in your life and be more confident. Don't forget to connect with me on all of my social media. I've got my Facebook and my Instagram and I will see you soon for another lesson. Bye. Mwah. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Oh, that's it. Thank you guys.
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[S1] Hello everyone, and welcome back to English with Lucy. Today, I've got a very special guest. This is Caroline Goida. [S2] Hello. [S1] And Caroline, would you like to introduce yourself? What do you do?
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[S1] I'm now a voice coach, but for many year... Well, if we go back to late '90s, I was a TEFL teacher briefly. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So I know this world very well. I remember standing in front of my group of Argentinian students to teach them English and being utterly terrified being in the spotlight. And now I teach people how to be in the spotlight.
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[S1] I was teaching in Gojów in Northwest Poland. [S2] Really? [S1] Which was fantastic, but a very unlikely place to go after your TEFL training. I loved it. [S2] What made you choose? [S1] There was a poster on the wall in my TEFL school and I just went, "Oh, there's a job." And so I went to Poland. It was great. I love Poland. It's fantastic. [S2] Yeah, I've never been to Poland. I have quite a few Polish subscribers, so I'm sure they would love to hear you speak some Polish. [S1] Dzień dobry. [LAUGHS] That's about it. [S2] There's one word. There's one word I know that's "na zdrowie".
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[S1] And I wanted to work in theater, but I didn't want to act. So I ended up training as a voice coach. And by kind of mistake, I found a job I really, really love. And once I'd trained as a voice coach, I was like, "This is actually what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's a great job." But I fell into it really by mistake. [S2] And how long have you been doing it now? [S1] Nearly 20 years. [S2] Wow. So that's quite, that's some experience there. [S1] It makes me feel very old. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] And what, I saw that you did a TED Talk about confidence. That's actually how I found you. And how did you get into doing a TED Talk? [S2] Well, again, I mean, so often these things happen by accident. I was coaching for TEDx in Brixton. [S1] Oh.
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[S1] And the very brilliant curator there, Stephanie, said, "Well, have you got a talk in you?" And I said, "Yeah, I think so." So I pitched talks, which is how you get into TEDx. They took it on. I did it in 2014, and it's had nearly 3 million views, which is insane. [S2] Wow. Congratulations. [S1] Thank you. [S2] That is a lot of views. [S1] Thank you. Thank you, YouTube.
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[S1] Well, so I learnt a lot about this a few years back when I was interviewing A-list actors. 'Cause I wrote a book which was talking to A-list actors about confidence. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I would go to people like Helen Mirren and say, "So tell me about confidence," thinking that they knew things, that they were confident. They weren't. None of them were. [S2] Really? [S1] And one of the people who said she wasn't confident was Helen Mirren. Big surprise to me there. [S2] Yeah, like the most beautiful woman ever. [S1] Okay. [S2] A sorceress.
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[S1] ... are so serene, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] And she said, "When I have to go to a party after a show, you know, actors go,
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[S1] ... to the bar after a show. They have parties before launches, all that kind of thing. She said, "I get really, really nervous." [S2] Okay. [S1] And she had a great tip, which is, first thing you have to do is think about your body. You know, really relax your shoulders, relax your breathing, center your voice. 'Cause she says, "I hate the way," and this is a good one for Women's Day, you know, "I hate the way that when we get nervous as women, we kind of start screaming and shrieking and our voices go high." She says, "Keep your voice nice and low and relaxed." [S2] Okay. [S1] So, I think that's a really good one. Stay relaxed, relax your shoulders, center your voice.
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[S1] And then there are other tips. There's a really good George Clooney one, which also is in the- [S2] Did you meet him? [S1] No, I wish I had. [S2] Oh, what a shame. [S1] He and Johnny Depp were the ones that got away. [S2] [LAUGHS] Damn. [S1] He, his thing when he meets people is that he imagines everybody he meets is an old friend. [S2] In the way he acts and speaks with them? [S1] Yeah. [S2] Interesting.
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[S1] And you can just picture his face, can't you? You know, there's the, the, there are the muscles around our eyes that crinkle up when we're with a friend. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's called a Duchenne smile, and it just relaxes us. [S2] Oh, okay. [S1] And, yeah, you try it. It really, really works. [S2] So you kind of close your eyes or, what do you do?
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[S1] You just imagine that you've bumped into an old friend and that you're talking to them and you let your brain chemistry do the rest. So just think about smiling, talking to an old friend and how you smile at them, that's it. And then your face relaxes, your voice relaxes, you know, it's, it's brain chemistry. [S2] Amazing. [S1] It's- [S2] I've never heard a tip like that before, so, really good.
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[S1] So that's number two. And the third one I would say is, as you walk through the door of a party, just think, "I've only got to be there for five minutes." [S2] Okay. [S1] And this was taught to me by someone who's a real introvert. And she said she, it was another actor, and she said, "I used to really dread parties, but if I, it's like going to the gym." You know, I'm, I'm not a great one for going to the gym, but if I say to myself, "I'm only gonna go for five minutes," when I get there,
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[S1] I'm much more likely to stay 'cause it's quite fun. If you say to yourself, "I'm only gonna go for five minutes," and then you get there and you've had a drink and you're enjoying yourself, you're gonna stay for a bit longer. So just say, even if you're dreading it, "I'm just gonna stay for five minutes." Then find someone, talk to them as if they're an old friend, and keep your shoulders relaxed and you'll be fine. [S2] And your voice nice and low. [S1] Voice nice and low. Don't scream. [S2] Yeah, that's true. I think when I'm on camera, I probably speak with a, a much lower voice.
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[S1] And when I'm meeting new people for the first time, I would definitely say it goes up a couple of tones. So, oh, I will be, I'll, I'll be aware of that. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Okay, so another big question that I get is about dating. And this came up recently because I made a video about how to say dates in English. And a lot of people were excited, thinking that I was going to teach them about dating. [LAUGHS] But actually, I was speaking about numerical dates. So,
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[S1] How can you be more confident whilst meeting someone, maybe for the first time or even the second time on a date? [S2] So I asked a friend of mine who is brilliant at dating and I said, "What is it that you do?" And she said, "Well, actually, it's something that you taught me." [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And I was surprised by that and she said,
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[S1] You taught me years ago, and this is another acting tip, that when you meet someone and you're on a date, what you have to do is think, this is, and this is a real actor's tip, you have to think, "I'm beautiful, someone loves me, I have a secret." [S2] So these are three things. [S1] Three things you have to think to yourself, "I'm beautiful," 'cause it kinda gives us a little spark. You know, there- [S2] It makes us touch. [S1] There are days when you're not feeling like that and it just gives you a kind of sparkle. Someone loves me, which gives you, it's brain chemistry again. It gives you a kind of warmth and a, a presence. And I have a secret.
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[S1] ... Chris, gives you a bit of a twinkle. [S2] Do you actually have to have a secret? [S1] It helps. [S2] Okay. I'll try to think of one. [S1] I don't think it has to be-
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[S1] Doesn't have to be WikiLeaks level, just, you know, something. Or actors also talk about a naughty thought. [S2] A naughty thought? [S1] A bit of a twinkle. That's a good one. [S2] I have a couple of those. [S1] That's definitely working. So a twinkle in the eyes. And it just, she said, it just gives me a presence when I'm dating or, you know, she's going to parties as well, that makes her shine and that makes people, it seems like you're a fun person to talk to. Whereas so often in our head, we've got a kind of inner voice that's saying mean stuff. [S2] Definitely. Definitely. [S1] We all do.
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[S1] We all do. We all have it. [S2] Before I go out for a date, I don't date much, but when I do, I always look at myself in the mirror beforehand and I think, "Well, that's not right," and maybe he won't find me funny. But I guess if I think about all the good things first. [S1] Exactly. [S2] And recognize those.
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[S1] Partly, yes. I think if you have two or three starter questions- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... then really listen and just do great follow-up questions. So if they say, "I really love Seville," say, "Oh, great. Where did you go in Seville?" And it's, and then if they say, "Well, there's a great tapas bar," you know, "Tell me about tapas. I've never had it." You just, you just follow the thread of the conversation and you just turn what they say into another great question.
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[S1] And then you show you're engaged and that you've been listening, which is important because sometimes you're having a conversation with someone and you can see their eyes glaze over a little bit. [S2] And that's horrible. [S1] Yeah, it's the worst. [S2] It, and it will kill any spark. So having to really listen because you're going to ask a great follow-up question is really powerful because they feel that they have that connection.
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[S1] That, I mean, that is really hard. It, as you say, public speaking is bad enough, and doing it in a language where you don't feel safe, where you don't feel that if you go wrong you can escape, is really scary. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So the things I always say to people are, firstly, if you're doing it in a language that's not your first, you've got to practice twice as much. So when I talk to clients about rehearsing presentation, I'll say to them, "Take your phone, find voice notes on your phone, and record it."
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[S1] Now that is a tip I really gel with because I, when I speak in my second language, which is Spanish, I will record myself and then I'll listen back to it and I will notice loads of mistakes that I didn't realize that I made at the time. And also you get to know it better. [S2] Exactly. [S1] But I feel a natural inclination to avoid practicing. Is that something that you feel as well? [S2] That, that's human. [S1] Why? [S2] That's so human. [S1] Why does that happen? [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Tip number two is that you've got to get the body relaxed and prepared. So it's what I call getting the butterflies- [S2] You got me moving there. Okay. [S1] Breathing and grounding. The butterflies have to fly in formation. So you know in English we say that you, the, you get butterflies in your stomach. [S2] Yes, that's a great idiom. If we're nervous and you feel that funny feeling in your, in your tummy, we, we call it having butterflies. So you're saying that we need to get our butterflies in formation. [S1] Like a red-
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[S1] Like the red arrows, like the, you know, the, the planes that fly in formation. [S2] So you need to take hold of those butterflies and, and channel them into something positive. [S1] Exactly. [S2] Okay. [S1] 'Cause the idea is, I mean, is it for performers as well, for, you know, anybody who's on stage, that adrenaline is actually a really good thing.
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[S1] 'Cause adrenaline is a feeling that I hate. Those nerves before a first date, I can't stand it. 'Cause I'm normally quite a confident person and I guess the feeling of feeling really nervous and, and the butterflies, I don't like. But you're saying that it's a positive thing. [S2] It's a good thing. [S1] Oh.
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[S1] 'Cause it's a, it's a kind of alertness, the adrenaline. It's making you, it's gonna make you perform better as long as you don't say, "Oh, no, here it comes." Now, the way that performers and athletes are taught to do this is it's a lot about how you ground yourself and how you breathe. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So I'd say to anybody, you know, before you do something like a speech, don't spend three hours checking your email or playing a game. You know, do something calming.
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[S1] The final tip is when you walk out on stage, you know, when you face the audience, you have to see them as old friends. So it's a bit like the George Clooney tip. And what I do when I have an audience is I'll spend a little bit of time at the beginning before, before the show goes up, as it were, before the show starts, before I speak. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] I'll go and talk to people in the audience. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I'll find out from maybe three people what they want. What's it, why have they come today? What are they interested in?
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[S1] So, for me as an introvert, what's scary is feeling that everybody's looking at me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That's a horrible feeling. But if I'm curious about the audience, if I'm thinking how can I help the audience get what they want, I'm not thinking about me anymore, and then I'm in what's called a flow state. [S2] Okay. [S1] And then it's just like having a chat. It's like us sitting here now having a chat. That's how you want to be on stage. It just happens there's a thousand people in front of you. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] And if you've, if you've spoken to a few of those people, you have a sense of why they're there, and then you forget yourself. [S2] And you have a, you have a role, a purpose. It's not just you being on stage, look at me. [S1] I couldn't speak if I thought it was about me. But when I stepped up for the TEDx, it wasn't about me. It was about helping the audience get something useful.
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[S1] Go for a run or do some yoga or something beforehand. [S2] That's a good idea because I went for the coffee. [S1] Don't have the coffee. [S2] No, I'll ditch the coffee. Green tea and a run. [S1] Yeah, lots of water. [S2] Okay.
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[S1] Yes, and I spend quite a lot of time with people thinking about job interviews, 'cause they're horrible, aren't they? [S2] They're the worst. [S1] Just, they're evil. So there are, there are tips and tricks to help you guess over that feeling of being watched. 'Cause I think the first thing to say is you are, you know, in a job interview, you really are being observed. [S2] Absolutely. [S1] There's no getting away. [S2] Every interview. [S1] Which is, it's quite hideous feeling. So you firstly just have to get yourself nice and calm and centered.
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[S1] Oh, so you change your perspective slightly. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I like that, definitely, because, you know, you might not be the right person for the job. [S2] And that's okay, you know. [S1] And that's just something you have to accept and, and that might make rejection a little bit easier as well. I always think if there's somebody I like and they don't like me back, I always try and think, well, it wouldn't have worked anyway because I wasn't the right person. So if we apply that to the job interview situation- [S2] It's the same thing. [S1] Yeah, and that improves with, improves your confidence going forward.
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[S1] Exactly. [S2] So what about tip number two, then? [S1] So breathing is really important in an interview. [S2] Breathing? [S1] Yep, yep. Because what, you know, you get a horrible question, don't you? Think of the moment where someone asks you a really horrible question. [S2] The worst one for me would be, "Describe your weakness," or something like that. [S1] Oh. [S2] I hate that question. But they ask it all the time. They want to see how you respond. So you say that I should breathe?
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[S1] Remember to breathe. Now, okay, so how you breathe is important. 'Cause what most of us do when a really horrible question comes is we kinda go, we breathe here, we go, [INHALES] and it's a bit extreme, that, but there's a kind of chest breath that's happening. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That breath is not helping you. What you want to do is breathe into your back. So if you notice your back ribs, just kind of feel your back ribs and notice that if you breathe out, do a little kind of blowing out birthday candles breath,
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[S1] And then wait for the breath in. And just think about- [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah, breathing into the back. Exactly. [S2] It's softer. [S1] It's calmer. [S2] And it relaxes your shoulders as well. [S1] It's relaxing you and it's making you seem calm under pressure, which is when people give you a job, 'cause you seem calm under pressure. So breathe into your back. [S2] Mm. [S1] And the tip, the secret tip is imagine a lovely smell. [S2] Oh, okay. Luckily, you smell great. [S1] Oh, good. [S2] So that is easy to imagine. [S1] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Ah, okay. So they'll kind of introduce, say what they're going to say, and then say it in an ordered manner. [S2] Exactly. [S1] Ah, see, I, I get in a bit of a panic. I'll try and give as much information as I possibly can to try and appear knowledgeable about the topic. But you're saying it's better to just prioritize- [S2] Exactly. [S1] ... and order. Okay. [S2] I mean,
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[S1] I mean, if the question's easy, then you probably don't have to do this, but it's, it's when the question's tricky and you go into brain freeze. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's that moment of three things and it forces you to structure. [S2] And so you need that breath. [S1] Exactly. [S2] To think about the order as well. So tip two and three go together quite nicely. [S1] They're synchronized, exactly. [S2] Yeah. Okay, very interesting. Right, the last topic that we're going to cover today is talking on the telephone.
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[S1] ... an essential part of life. [S2] The telephone calls are hard, aren't they? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] That whole thing that we can't see the other person. [S1] You can't see their reaction, so you don't know whether they like what you're saying.
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[S1] It's tricky. And I, the first tip for calls is another actor tip, and it was an actress called Anna Massey, who's no longer with us. She's died, sadly. But she said, "When I'm on the phone to someone, I picture them sitting on a sofa," a bit like this, you know, "sitting at home, and even if I haven't met them, I imagine what they look like." [S2] Okay. [S1] And it's a nice imagination tip. It helps you kind of tune into that person and be curious. And I do this, even with corporate clients. If I'm talking to someone, I imagine where they're sitting, you know, what they're wearing,
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[S1] And the iambic, English has what's called really an iambic pentameter, which is like Hamlet. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, if you think of to be or not to be, that is the question, there's a kind of de dum, de dum, de dum, de dum. [S2] There's the rhythm, yes. Yeah. [S1] And lots of languages, as you know, you know, Spanish doesn't have that. It's a different kind of rhythm. So when you're speaking on the phone, if you really hit the nouns and the verbs, in particular, the meaning words, you give them a little bit of punch. You can actually punch the words as you're talking if they can't see you. So,
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[S1] Hi, my name's Caroline. You know, we're going to be talking about emphasis. I'm hitting with my hand the important words. If they're on the phone, they won't know. [S2] Just as long as they don't forget they're on a Skype call. [S1] Yeah, don't do it on Skype. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] Great. And what's your final tip? And the final tip of today, actually. [S2] The final tip? The final tip of today is if you are nervous about a call, if you need to make a great impression, stand up. [S1] Stand up. Okay. I always see my dad doing that. My dad is a, is a managing director and he's always marching around the house on the phone. I thought it was 'cause he has bad knees. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] But maybe it's because it makes him feel more confident.
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[S1] And there's a final tweak to that, which is what voiceover artists do. You know, if you're voicing over a movie like, um, Sing or something- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... they gesture. So they'll be standing in a voiceover studio and they, they go crazy with gesture because what they know is that gesture orchestrates the intonation of the voice. So if my hands are high, my voice goes high. If my hands are low, my voice goes low. So stand up, [LAUGHS] hold the, the receiver to one ear or get yourself on speakerphone and wave your arms about and you will,
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[S1] So yes, thank you very, very much for being my guest today. [S2] My pleasure. Thank you. [S1] And remember, be bold for change and make a change in your life and be more confident. Don't forget to connect with me on all of my social media. I've got my Facebook and my Instagram and I will see you soon for another lesson. Bye. Mwah. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Oh, that's it. Thank you guys.
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[S1] Madam Herta is the third genius of the Erudition to partner with the IPC. After member number 22, Aiden, and member number 56, Elias Salas, the corporation stands united with Madam Herta to protect the Amber Lords universe. [S2] And this is the end of our broadcast. Please tune in for our next episode. Thank you for listening. [S1] Goodbye.
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