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<s>[INST] My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship mentally physically and emotionally . Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people. How can I feel more comfortable around other people [/INST] It sounds like you have taken on a caretaker role for a while as well as experienced some pretty severe interpersonal trauma. It makes sense that you would feel nervous around people. Working through the trauma of an abusive relationship in itself can be a difficult process. And then to add on the caretaker part can make things even more difficult. First off you may want to seek support to work through what you have experienced. Processing the isolation of this relationship as well as working with your son can help to overcome the anxiety related to others. Accessing autism support networks may be of support as well. Other parents that will understand your experiences are a good and tend to be safer place to start in attempting to connect to others.Very importantly go slow and be kind to yourself as you begin to adapt to a new life of allowing others to care for you as you so clearly have for others. </s>

<s>[INST] My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this Do I see my child as much as possible or very little Is it more confusing for the child [/INST] Hi your situation sounds very complicated and sensitive. It is important to handle it with care as it involves your children. When parents are attempting to co-parent the clearer the boundaries and expectations are the easier it gets to effectively co-parent. Parenting your child is not living in the past allow me to reframe that approach and instead view it as an investment in your future. Your child will forever be your child and deserves and active loving and caring father. Staying away sends a different message to your child and leaves room for resentment. Find a way to create an agreement between you and your ex-wife with the best interest of your child as the focus. The courts are able to assist with this goal as well. </s>

<s>[INST] My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this Do I see my child as much as possible or very little Is it more confusing for the child [/INST] The thing that confuses a child the most is for a parent to come and go from their life. Children have a way of making things their fault even when they have done nothing wrong. Because of this when parents cut off contact the child thinks it's their fault. As hard as that already is for a child it is even worse when a parent pops in and out of their life. This makes the belief even more strong for them. They start to think why does dad keep leaving What am I doing to keep making him go away I believe a child needs both parents in their life. Whether she used you for a child or not that child still exists and never asked for this. They didn't ask to be born into drama and two parents that can't make things work. You can move on and start over while still maintaining a relationship with your child. If you start over far away this may mean less visits but you'll still be a part of their life. Just make sure when you make a commitment to this child to stick to it. Every child deserves that much. Good luck to you - </s>

<s>[INST] My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this Do I see my child as much as possible or very little Is it more confusing for the child [/INST] What are the ways your ex-wife uses your child as a pawn This answer determines the best ways to handle particular situations.Basically distinguish that your father relationship to your child lasts has great meaning for your child and as the adult the responsibility for managing this relationship falls on you.Your relationship to your ex wife took place between two adults and therefore you are only responsible for your own actions to repair the damage done to you.From what you write you already have a plan in progress to do this by separating yourself as much as possible from contact with the ex.In a way the challenge of keeping active as a parent while also distancing and clearing your emotions of the hurt and betrayal done to you will establish both a solid relationship with your child and grow more acceptance and self-forgiveness of having been taken advantage of and tricked. </s>

<s>[INST] I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal [/INST] This is your experience your feeling and you are wondering if it is normal which means is this common or the rule. This question about how you feel about your third child leads me to believe you are dis- turbed etymology agitated or stirred up . Feelings are messages from our soul or spirit that something is not right. So though it might be normal common the rule to look forward to a one year olds nap time when you have a three year old a nine year old the dis- turbance or stirring up in you is important and requires your attention your listening if you will to your higher self. </s>

<s>[INST] I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal [/INST] This is a common response parents can have. There are many reasons for attachment disruption. But attachment is important for the child as well as your long term relationship with them. I would want to know more about the history of the child and any stressors you have gone through during the child's lifetime. Often if there is stress parents will not have the time or energy to attach well to the child. Sometimes the energy of the child and the parent are mismatched as well. But whatever is at the core this is something that can be addressed in counseling. The earlier the better because adult relationships are based on parental relationships we had as children. Therapy can start at age 3 to address these types of issues. Visit staceybshapiro.com for more information about getting started. </s>

<s>[INST] I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal [/INST] Congrats on being honest about the way you feel Many people state having a favorite child so the reverse would also be possible of having a least favorite child.Try to understand your own reasons for not liking your youngest child as much as the others.One point to consider is whether it is the child' personality or the way they interact with you which gives you the feeling of not liking this child as much as the others or does the reason have more to do with younger children requiring more care Also do you generally prefer older kids to younger ones It is possible the problem will go away as your youngest grows older.Is there another parent in the household who can make up for what you feel unable to naturally give to your youngest Is it possible you feel your own need to be involved with activities or to have time on your own Maybe you simply need a break from constant mothering.Continue to give as much as possible to your youngest child. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do [/INST] Unfortunately you seem to have yourself in a double bind. By living with your mom she is not going to stop her attempts at what you perceive as controlling . There is no use in trying to debate or get her to see your point . As long as your there and you personalize her attempts at control then you will find yourself frustrated and resentful. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do [/INST] Unfortunately I think most of us have heard this so you are not alone. If you are still under her roof she has leverage as to what her expectations are while you are living there. I would consider therapy for the both of you to see if there could be a middle ground that could be agreed upon. Often times a 3rd party can help with conflict. If there is no resolution then I would look to get creative in finding a place of your own. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do [/INST] Hello. It sounds like you and your parents are not balanced in your communication and awareness of expectations. Your growth is not only reflected in your ability to understand and apply new knowledge and skills it is also reflective of your parents acceptance of your understanding and application. Have you tried talking with your parents to let them know your concerns This talking is best when face to face and during non active conflict can't begin stating rules during an argument etc . Sometimes it is even helpful to write down ways you feel you can be supported by them and supportive to them. Maybe share this list or reflective piece with them to review or use when communicating the expectations. Unfortunately until there are clear expectations stated and expressed the scale will be uneven and frustrations will increase. Dr. T </s>

<s>[INST] I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do [/INST] That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now. The first thing to under is that you can t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions. You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior. Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy. Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack. There are ways you can deal with controlling parents and most of them require creating a plan of action.Examples of action plans Decide in advance how you ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they re trying to control youArrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you re losing controlTalk in person to an adult you trust. There aren t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation. Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics such as Toxic Parents Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan ForwardCutting Loose An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard HalpernA counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do [/INST] You're among many millennials who live with their parents due to financial reasons.Does your mother mean rules pertaining to the way your family household organizes its daily or does she mean something else Every household needs rules as responsibilities to keep the house clean who does the grocery shopping the way costs are distributed for this and all the other carrying charges and tasks of maintaining the house in decent order as well as respecting the privacy and noise level requests of others who live in the home.This set of responsibilities applies whenever more than one person lives with another person.Have you tried simply telling your mom that you're willing to be a responsible household member and that you prefer to keep the details of the way you live the rest of your life to yourself This would show respect to your mom and start the discussion as to the areas of your life you feel deserve privacy and how you would like to handle when your right to run your own life overlaps with any household duties. </s>

<s>[INST] My dad makes me feel like shit and like I'm worthless. He calls me names and makes me feel depressed. I want to move out because I swear if I stay here I'm going to lose it. What can I do [/INST] If you're actually able to afford to move out and support your own life then this is a reasonable choice.If you're not in such a position and must continue for a while to live w your dad then emotionally protect yourself from him.Doing so is much more difficult than maybe it sounds.Do you have privacy in your house and can you spend more time in a self-created safe space than around your dad Also limit the amount of dialogue you have with him so you don't offer him a chance to feel invited to criticize you.Are there other people who live in the household w you and dad If yes then are they similarly called names or are you singled out by him What do the other family members do when they hear your dad calling you names Is it possible the other family members don't realize how hurt and upset you are by your dad's behavior If yes then make a project for yourself to tell the other family members that you suffer from your dad's name calling.It is possible the other family members will step in and tell your dad to stop.Not necessarily that he will stop. Knowing the others support you emotionally and find you credible is helpful on its own. </s>

<s>[INST] My dad makes me feel like shit and like I'm worthless. He calls me names and makes me feel depressed. I want to move out because I swear if I stay here I'm going to lose it. What can I do [/INST] Are you old enough to move out Then by all means what's stopping you If not is it possible for you to move in with another family member If you're a minor CPS may need to step in. They often do in cases of abuse. Your safety is the number one priority.It's difficult to offer advice without knowing more about your situation. But I can say this Don't let other people define your self worth. You can choose NOT to allow him to make you feel anything. It really is that simple. By looking at it as a choice you make you will be empowered to take control over your emotions and learn to feel better about yourself because your self-worth will no longer be defined by what someone else says about you or how they treat you.Let me say that again in a different way Your self-worth is NOT defined by someone else. The way he treats you is a reflection of who he is as a person - not you. Don't take ownership of that I understand that if you are a minor setting healthy boundaries and refusing to accept this kind of treatment can be difficult. Reach out to others for help. But if you are 18 and over there is absolutely no excuse for you to be there having to put up with maltreatment. Put up some boundaries and create the distance needed to protect yourself emotionally. You owe it to yourself and deserve to live a healthy happy life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in my mid 30s. I feel I have used only 5 of my potential. I am in film making but everything is stuck. I've never had a serious relationship. I had worthless jobs. I do a lot of meditation to try to fix it. [/INST] Being stuck in life is difficult especially when you are feeling it in many different areas of your life. So you if you are ready for a change... time to make one Make a list of the resources in your area--community colleges friends free classes volunteer opportunities etc. Make a list of your passions and absolute no way things in life. Make a 5 year plan... where do you want to be in 5 years... then start breaking it down ... what do I need to do this year to make it to next year. Break that down into months... check in with friends families co workers etc to see what they see in you both good and bad. Take a deep breath and choose 1 thing to work on to get better in life according to them. Seek out any free training counseling on career changes and life changes. You already began this by asking this forum for help Awesome Use the peace and calm you find in meditation to spring board you to make some changes in your behavior--try new things change poor choices etc. Use the meditation to give you peace while you make the changes. Good Luck </s>

<s>[INST] Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. [/INST] Hello and thank you for your question. Guilt is one of those things that nearly everyone has experienced at one time or another and it can feel like a huge weight around your neck. Unfortunately it is unlikely that we can give you some words of wisdom that will make it all go away. However I will give you some ideas and hopefully this will help.One of the things that we know about guilt is that it doesn't usually do much to help us in the long-run. People may make changes for a short-term period of time because they feel guilty about something they did but usually they will go back to their old behaviors if they don't have something else to help them change permanently such as a new skill. So guilt doesn't necessarily help us. In fact as I write this someone out there is eating an entire key lime pie because they feel guilty about falling off their diet. Someone may be drinking alcohol because they feel guilty about drinking alcohol. For whatever reason this is just a common thing that we do. Now accountability is different than guilt. Accountability can actually be constructive. When you hold yourself accountable you can admit that you have done something wrong. That it hurt others and you deeply regret it. That you are prepared to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. That you have done what you can to make amends if necessary. That you are sorry. And then you move on. Why is moving on necessary Well for one thing it doesn't usually help the people who you hurt. In fact someone's guilty behavior may serve to remind the people who were hurt over and over again about what happened. Guilt is usually 100 about us and not about those we hurt. Also guilt can lead us to behave in ways that may even hurt people more. Having said all of that guilt is a normal human emotion. Sometimes we experience it for a while and it goes away. Sometimes we need help to work through it. There are many self-help books about forgiving yourself. You can try Amazon to find some or consider getting help from a counselor. </s>

<s>[INST] Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. [/INST] A lot of times it is not about forgiveness but learning from experiences. As an example as a child we continously fall in an effort to learn how to walk. Then when we begin walking we know we have to put one foot in front of the other in order to move forward. Experiences allow us to grow find a balance and what to do and what not to do in order to move forward. On the positive side you now know the consequences as for your actions not to take the same course. Forgiveness comes with time as you learn how to walk again. </s>

<s>[INST] I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone. [/INST] As social creatures we humans all long for deep human connection. To know that we belong and are part of something larger. It is so important to us that when we feel alone - it can feel almost unbearable. You are not alone in feeling alone. While it can take time to build deep relationships there are moments in each day where we have the opportunity to interact with other people who may also feel lonely and scared and want to be seen and acknowledged. I wonder what it might be like for you if you took on an experiment of trying to really see the people around you and make little attempts to acknowledge and connect with them - fellow humans on this journey of life. A good morning at the bus stop or really looking at the person who you buy your groceries from or thanking or complimenting someone for something that you notice and appreciate. While this is not a substitute for close relationships these moments of real connection with the people who we share our communities with can go a long way to realizing that we are not as alone as we may have thought. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about six years now. In the past our relationship was difficult and frustrating. We argued a lot and due to that there was a lot of tension between us. We stayed together because we love each other and wanted to make it work. I used to party a lot and several times I got into situations where I would end up kissing someone else. These situations were never more than just kissing. I have come clean about these situations with my boyfriend and he decided to forgive and move forward with me. I love him so much and want to work things out too but I'm having a difficult time understanding how he can forgive me. I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and unworthiness. [/INST] Hi Cerritos This is an interesting twist because it's more common for the person in your position to want to move forward and for the person who was wronged to struggle with forgiveness. You are lucky to have a loving compassionate partner and your boyfriend is lucky to have a partner who takes full responsibility for their actions. My hunch is that you learned some things about yourself when you were younger that are playing a role here. Your sense of worthlessness seems out of proportion to the mistakes you made. You don't have to be perfect in order to deserve the love of a good man. You only have to have the maturity to recognise when you've hurt someone and work hard to make it better. Who in your life overreacted to small mistakes you made Were you shamed as a child Did you learn that you deserved to be punished Did something bad happen that you thought was your fault Is there a mistake you made long ago that you need forgiveness for There is a younger person inside you waiting to be forgiven for something they weren't entirely responsible for. The bar is too high for you. If I was your therapist I would work with you to find the source of the shame and address that wound. If you want to move forward and be with your boyfriend your job will be to forgive yourself. Forgiving doesn't mean it was okay forgiving simply means that it happened that you can't erase it and that you don't want to carry it around or punish yourself for it anymore. You have done many things here that you can feel proud of You've 'come clean' you've been honest you've taken responsibility for your actions you've not tried to minimize what you did and you've chosen to be more loyal and aware of how you impact your boyfriend. These are all things you can use to build your sense of worth. You are acting very honourably. It's time to put your past mistakes away on the shelf knowing that you've learned from them and are a better person now. It's not our mistakes...not our worst moments that define us...it's how we handle them afterwards.I wish you growth and happiness. </s>

<s>[INST] I keep hearing I am attractive from people around me and I think I believe it. But I have low confidence regarding approaching girls I like. [/INST] I recommend that you focus on the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs that are going through your mind at the time in which you are trying to approach a girl. When you are aware of the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs you can then work on changing them. An easy way to recognize an irrational belief is a thought that contains the words must or never. Once you recognize the thought or belief I would like you to picture a big red stop sign. This is called thought stopping. This is a technique to use to stop unwanted or unhealthy thoughts. Then I would like you to think of a more positive thought to replace it with such as Negative thought That girl will never go out with me STOP Positive thought I won't know if she will go out with me unless I ask . What this does is increase your self confidence by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones that will ultimately boost your self esteem. </s>

<s>[INST] How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend [/INST] Hi I m sorry you re having this dilemma. I wish I knew a little more about the situation to give a better answer. Have you discussed what is causing you to consider breaking up with your partner Based on the information given I suggest starting off making a pros and cons list. Pros for staying in the relationship and cons for staying. See which side has more. Follow your gut. Hope this helps as a start. </s>

<s>[INST] How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend [/INST] This can be a very difficult question to answer. Without knowing anything else about the situation - it makes me wonder - what makes you feel like you should break up with him What brought up thinking about ending things It will be important to decide if the relationship is safe if it is healthy and if it makes you both happy. Are there reasons you are staying in the relationship that don't make you feel good It might be helpful to write things out or talk to a trusted friend about what each of your choices means. What would it be like to end things What would it be like to stay Are there issues that the two of you can work on to make the relationship better </s>

<s>[INST] How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend [/INST] This is a very personal decision that you make when you have evaluated the issues in your couple that you feel are affecting your happiness and well being in your couple. I recommend completing a compatability checklist to evaluate which areas are making you unhappy. It is important to discuss these feelings with your partner and determine if together you want to work on these differences. If there is no agreement to working together to resolve the issues and you cannot accept the issues as they are then a break up may be best. </s>

<s>[INST] How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend [/INST] Deciding to end a relationship is never easy especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship such as infidelity or abuse. All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship this is normal. What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it. What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend Do you see yourself as being happier having more freedom When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders Is it easier to breathe Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship. Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now. Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change if it is likely to change. Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship. I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision. </s>

<s>[INST] How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend [/INST] Hi there that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship If so what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them What are your reasons for being with him How would you feel without him How does he make you feel on a daily basis Is there any abuse in the relationship physical emotional psychological - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling If it is safe to do so honest open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say I'm thinking about breaking up with you but you can say something along the lines of I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us If you want to stay with him maybe you can work on your relationship together Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible try to come from a place of kindness and understanding. As always I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision. </s>

<s>[INST] I am conflicted with this guy I work with. He is a coworker and close friend whom I've had a crush on since meeting him four years ago. We made out once after years of flirting. I was hoping for more but nothing happened. I distanced myself a lot after. [/INST] Hello Emotions run high in crush situations and when emotions run high it's not uncommon for us to have emotion-based instead of fact-based thoughts. After reading your question I wondered how you went from making out to nothing happened I wondered if this happened because of an emotion-based thought that sounded like If he liked me he would make something happen. A truer and more empowering thought might be I want something different to happen with him and I want to take a different action to see if that can happen. This thought focuses more on the one thing you can control YOU. Hopefully the thought also empowers you to think through what you can do to gauge interest talk with him about his feelings on the matter. I hope this helps and good luck to you </s>

<s>[INST] I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. [/INST] The offspring are your Property If you require that no other man show inappropriate content to them then require compensation for use and enjoyment of your Property without your consent Send them a bill When they do not pay it activate the local Sheriff take them to small claims court and win a judgment against them for failure to compensate for the use and enjoyment of your Property I wonder what might happen after that... learn to act as man ... and watch the magic happen... </s>

<s>[INST] I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. [/INST] From what you write it sounds like you're reaching quite far into your child's father's way to handle his friendships.There's a difference between an agreement between you and the child's father to not view porn and with you monitoring and setting standards for your child's father's way to handle his social life.Try to accept the limits of your request extends to you and the child's father not the way the child's father wants to handle his relationships with other people.Also pushing too hard or setting your expectations of the child's father too wide for him to tolerate may end up backfiring on you.Who knows maybe he'll decide enough is enough and withdraw from the otherwise reasonable agreement to not watch porn. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress [/INST] It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little if no job satisfaction. There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not. What type of work do you typically enjoy Do you enjoy high stress work What keeps you in this job Is there a reason you have stayed Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with I recommend a few things. For one you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay. Another option if you are unable to have an open conversation you can start to look at an ideal work situation what would you like be OK with absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications. If you are unable to leave your job you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work. Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more. I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret. </s>

<s>[INST] I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress [/INST] Recognize your reason for continuing to work for this place.Sometimes overworked and underpaid is tolerable bc of the valuable learning which the person will take with them when they've decided the time has come for these lessons to end.Or are you in this place bc it is an easy commute to your home or fits well with other parts of your life such as education or some health related program As long as you have a good reason to be there you will feel there is good purpose.If there is no good purpose and every day you wake up to work for a place you can't stand then its time to look for a new position. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this [/INST] Hi This is a great question The term you are looking for is alexithymia the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. However just because you are not able to feel or express emotions does not mean that you do not have emotions.After such a traumatic event that you experienced your central nervous system goes into defensive mode dorsal vagal nerves that protect you from any further harm. What this means is if you were to feel your emotions related to your rape you would have a sense of being overwhelmed possibly re-experiencing the traumatic event.Not feeling emotions is your body's way of protecting you from any further trauma. Unfortunately when the parasympathetic dorsal vagal system shutting down feeling is activated and suppresses your painful emotions pain shame guilt sadness anger it also shuts down your positive and relational emotions love joy contentment connectedness happiness .I am very sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience as being raped. No one knows what is going on inside of you as a result. You don't know what is happening to your emotional wellbeing The best and at times difficult and scary thing is to process your emotions related to your trauma. This processing is done carefully with a trained counselor in a place that you feel safe heard and not judged. Although the thought of proceedings addressing emotions may be anxiety-inducing it brings on a huge sense of relief and validation.What you are going through is normal considering what happened to you I hope you reach out for more help.If you have any questions feel free to contact me </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this [/INST] I'm so sorry you've been hurt. It's very normal to stop feeling emotions as a way to protect yourself after experiencing a traumatic event. You can think of it as emotional shock-- you experienced something that was so awful that you have numbed yourself mind and body as a way to stop the emotional and physical pain of the event. It's actually pretty amazing that our selves know how to do this automatically. And I hear you saying that you'd like to get some feeling back now.So here are some ideas for how you can change this I think it would be a great idea to find an experienced therapist you like and trust and or a good support group so that you can have some allies as you go through this process. You also could try journaling. If you're not sure what to write then check out this list of prompts to get you started it's for teachers but I really like it . There's also art journaling. Pinterest has lots of suggestions.Meditation could be useful. There are lots of apps available that offer guided meditations.Yoga tai chi or chi gong might also help.I have lots of other ideas but without knowing more about you I'm reluctant to make suggestions that could accidentally make you feel worse. IThis protective mechanism of numbing yourself kicked in for a good reason and as you get your feelings back you may find some pretty challenging reactions coming up. I guess my final piece of advice to is encourage you to trust yourself and gently go at your own pace in your healing. I hope this was helpful. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this [/INST] Terrible things do happen in life and I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please rest assured that you are not a sociopath and that your reactions are normal responses to traumatic events. I'm guessing you are experiencing a sense of numbness which is a common response to trauma. The best thing you can do is to get some trauma counseling with a professional counselor. As you process your experience you will be able to feel emotions again. However the first feelings to come back may be related to trauma such as fear panic and a sense of hyper vigilance. A professional counselor will be able to help you tolerate these feelings manage them and heal from your trauma. </s>

<s>[INST] I was raped a couple months ago Since then along with other unfortunately events that have occurred I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this [/INST] I don't need to tell you that this is an incredible amount of serious stuff to happen in a short period. When we go through a trauma it is natural for us to shut down as a way to protect ourselves. A kind of freeze response. Think of a possum or a gazelle. These animals go so far as to physically freeze in protection. Our emotions do the same thing sometimes. We feel shut down and that can be strange---a kind of disconnection. This does not mean that you are sociopath or that your feelings will never come back. The amazing thing though is that as time moves forward we naturally heal and emotions come back. If you feel stuck seeking counseling is a way to help accelerate this healing and help you work through and begin healing. Wishing you the absolute best </s>

<s>[INST] I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems [/INST] There are many types of traumas and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over and then receives a trigger from a new event it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems [/INST] A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially if it was serious you could have feared for your life felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards. This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response. Having already been diagnosed with PTSD this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention. </s>

<s>[INST] I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back [/INST] This is a great question. PTSD can be very complex and debilitating. It must be very difficult for you at this time.When we feel complex emotions such as anger frustration and possibly low-self worth the tendency is to try to avoid or suppress these emotions. The more you avoid them the more these emotions will express themselves and at the worst times. This may be why your PTSD symptoms are harming your relationships and your job status.To help you get your life back it is important to process your emotions with a counselor that has specific training in trauma-informed interventions. To process emotions you start by inviting them in observe them with compassion and without judgment. When we observe our emotions it starts the healing process because we separate ourselves from them. Remember thoughts and emotions are constructed. You are not your thoughts nor your emotions. They are messengers telling you to pay attention to them. The more we avoid the messengers the louder they get to the point that they are crippling you in more than one way.I hope this helps you begin your change process. For more information please here is a link to a trauma post on my blog The Wisdom Room.Please reach out for help. And contact me with any questions.Sincerely Catherine ClevelandCleveland Emotional Health </s>

<s>[INST] I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back [/INST] Your feeling overwhelmed by emotion and finding it difficult to trust people. This can be a really scary feeling. It is a common reaction for individuals who have endured a traumatic experience. Often the aftermath of a trauma can leave people feeling constantly on guard panicky depressed isolated and riddled with nightmares and intrusive thoughts of the incident. And while the signs and symptoms can feel complex and at times overwhelming feeling better is more than possible. Give yourself credit for the courage that it takes to reach out. With trauma therapy I would expect you will begin feeling better as we implement a compassionate and client-focused evidenced -based approach together. I've helped countless people to gain positive ground over their traumatic experiences in a safe supportive environment. I offer a variety of evidenced based traditional therapies as well as holistic modalities to best support you on the path to healing. We will work together as allies in your treatment. It would be an honor to work with you. </s>

<s>[INST] I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. [/INST] I'm glad you're willing to keep optimistic about life improving and offering better relationships than some of the ones in which you greatly suffered.One suggestion is to develop patience with yourself and the process of regaining your willingness to trust other people.Sexual intimacy engages all of who we truly are. Being cautious as to who and how much you allow someone into your life is natural for anyone recovering from trauma.Allow yourself to withdraw when situations feel dangerous. Your sense of danger is most likely on higher alert than had you not been victimized.Be attentive and cooperate with your own sense of readiness to engage in conversation discussions and sex with your partner.Explain all this to your partner so the person can develop their own patience with your recuperation process. </s>

<s>[INST] I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. [/INST] I encourage you to seek out and work with a therapist who specializes in treating complex trauma. Somatic Experiencing Brainspotting and Internal Family Systems Therapy are all highly effective treatments for people dealing with complex trauma. If you are interested in reading a book that is supportive and compassionate Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score is a wonderful book that discusses treatment options in depth. </s>

<s>[INST] My girlfriend was abused as a child. Now if I hug or touch her in any kind of way she says she feels as if she is being abused as a child. What might be going on [/INST] Was your gf always this way with you or did her withdrawal develop suddenly Also are there any other changes going on between the two of you in terms of feeling relaxed and at ease with each other enjoying each other Its possible her physical withdrawal due to her sensitive nature about who touches her and the meaning of touch reflects an underlying emotional hesitation about her feelings toward you.This can be either strong positive or negative feelings.She may be fearful of becoming more intimately attached to you and withdraws.She may be actually withdrawing and expresses herself through the amount of touch she wants from others.Best way forward as almost always in a relationship is to have a gentle conversation to open up the tension between the two of you. </s>

<s>[INST] My girlfriend was abused as a child. Now if I hug or touch her in any kind of way she says she feels as if she is being abused as a child. What might be going on [/INST] Thank you for your question. I think it's wonderful that you are approaching this with openness and curiosity. The reaction you are describing is extremely common in survivors of abuse. What you said is insightful...when you touch her she feels as if she is being abused as a child. From your description I would agree that in those moments she is re-experiencing something that happened in the past as if it is happening right now. Re-experiencing or reliving traumatic experiences is a key symptom of PTSD.If you are seeking to better understand what is going on for her I would highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's book the Body Keeps the Score. This book also discusses effective treatments for overcoming trauma. Best of luck to both of you Sarah </s>

<s>[INST] As a child my parents injured my brother so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur. [/INST] Sorry to hear of having witnessed violence within your family when you were very young.Your blocked memories are a self-protection from the enormous emotional pain and feeling de-stabilized by realizing that the people whom you expected to trust are harmful.Already you are at the first step which is to know that memories exist about the disturbing events concerning your brother.Probably the best way of finding your way back to those times is by paying attention to all of who you are today.The more intently and with loving interest you are able to notice yourself you will be gradually dissolving the layers of protective thoughts about intimacy being unsafe.Basically you will be teaching yourself how to slowly trust yourself.Since trust is what was violated while you were young you will be developing a new model for trusting yourself and others.Then more of the memories of your painful and overwhelming times will make themselves available to you.They are simply waiting for you to be strong and trusting enough within yourself to tolerate them </s>

<s>[INST] My suppose-to-be father told me to go find my real dad. We haven't been getting along since I was a teenager. If I said one thing that he thought was wrong I always got degraded. He never said I love you. He never gave us hugs. He s always called me horrible names. I feel he's an evil man with no feelings. [/INST] Hi You got it right...he's supposed to be your father. It's tough enough being adopted unless I'm reading it wrong I think you're adopted what you don't need is to be verbally abused by someone who's supposed to love and protect you. I don't know how old you are past teen years though or where your mom is but I bet there are other people in your life who treat you differently. It's your right to spend your time with the people who love you properly. That's a really important part of learning how to be happy...carefully choosing who's going to be in your life. It's tricky to put emotional distance between you and your supposed-to-be father but it's possible...physical distance avoid him if you don't trust you'll be treated with respect and emotional distance feeling less connected to and affected by his relationship disability . I think you're already doing that part because you don't blame yourself for his words which is wonderful. I don't know if he's evil although I believe evil exists but he may be incapable of loving properly or lacking empathy as you suggest. A good therapist can support you in these goals. I wish you the best in your growth as an independent adult. </s>

<s>[INST] An organization admitted to implanting thoughts in my head with technologies. The study was to implant a fantasy other people are having but to me it's a nightmare. I lost my kids my job and all that. I was an unwilling participant. I no longer trust a therapist. I'm too afraid to go under hypnosis or anything. [/INST] Given your experience of being imposed upon against your will and all the personal and professional loss that has come since your fear of what will happen if you undergo treatment and trust a therapist is understandable. There is no technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away or be reversed however there are things that you can do which may help you to change your relationship to the thoughts and to the distress that they cause. I understand that working with a therapist sounds risky given your experiences and at the same time a good therapist may be a beneficial resource in helping you deal with the intrusive thoughts cope with and alleviate the stress that they create and perhaps even lead to the alleviation of the thoughts themselves. A therapist may also be able to help you discover strategies to work towards any goals you have around reconnecting with your children and working again. If therapy feels too unsafe at the moment I would recommend looking into workbooks on how to deal with intrusive thoughts and coping with stress. Some popular approaches that you may want to look into are mindfulness techniques Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You may even be able to find some of these resources at a library if affordability is an obstacle. </s>

<s>[INST] I did some horrible sexual things as a kid and I regret everything. Can someone help me cope with myself Can someone help me remember my past [/INST] I'm very sorry to hear this. Hypnosis can be a valuable tool that a trained therapist can use to bring back suppressed memories. However keep in mind that hypnosis doesn't work for everyone. I think regardless speaking with a therapist about your sexual issues would be beneficial. It seems like you have experienced some painful experiences in the past and may need help dealing with them in order to move forward. In addition if past memories do resurface a trained therapist will be able to help you cope with them as they arise. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you receive the treatment that you deserve. </s>

<s>[INST] My kid s dad and I broke up two years ago. He still wants me back and I just started to fall for him again. But our kids are with Child Protective Services that s why we broke up. He started to talk to other women and he put his hands on me. [/INST] What you are experiencing is common with survivors of abusive relationships. Even abusive relationships have positive moments in them and typically for survivors those are things they still love and care about of the abuser. A lot of it could also be grief over the loss of the relationship and also your children. A lot of time people return to thier abuser because that s the only support that they have. If this is something you are going through I would encourage you to seek out a domestic violence non profit in your area because they can provide you with additional support. I don t know the whole situation but keep in mind that abusers will make promises and say what they think the other person wants to hear to get them to return. Attached is an example of what I am talking about </s>

<s>[INST] I'm in college currently so I am not a direct victim anymore. My father is very abusive with his words and actions and my siblings are getting treated horribly. [/INST] Yes you can help Emotional and verbal abuse can cause a negative impact in your family. It is important that you encourage your siblings to seek assistance with a therapist and maybe help them find one they should have school counselors available and if not our college counselor may help you to get referrals. It s also a good idea to talk to your mom about the issue and ask her if she would like help as well. If you are concerned about your siblings' safety contact Family Protective Services in your state they will investigate and refer your father to classes or therapy as needed. It takes courage to do the right thing you can do this </s>

<s>[INST] I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat and the dreams feel so real. [/INST] Hello and thank you for your question. First things first I am so glad that you are alive and very sorry that you had to endure such a terrible experience. Now let's talk about these nightmares. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT losing your mind. Many people start to think that may be the case if they are still suffering from the affects of something that happened a long time ago. That's not the case. There is no time set time for which we should be over something like this. I am not sure if you received counseling after what happened to you but that may be something to consider. Bad nightmares could be the sign of something like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD which would include other symptoms like being startled easily re-experiencing the event or avoiding places that remind you of it. There are other symptoms as well so if you believe this may be something you have you may want to seek counseling. There are good treatments for PTSD. If you cannot seek counseling at this time there are some things you can do to try to manage the dreams on your own. I would encourage you to look up sleepy hygiene and try to make your bedtime rituals as relaxing as possible. You can also Google search Nightmare re-scripting or Nightmare Exposure and get some ideas on how you may be able to change your dreams. It may be a good idea to attend a domestic violence support group and get ideas from other survivors who no doubt have had sleep problems related to their experiences too. Hope this was helpful. </s>

<s>[INST] After a domestic abuse situation I went to a therapist and then my husband went. The therapist discussed her assessment of borderline personality disorder with me. She then told my abuser the results of my tests. [/INST] It sounds like it may have been a violation of confidentiality for your therapist to disclose information about you without your permission. There are some exceptions to the general rule of confidentiality however. For example when a therapist has a reasonable concern that a client or someone else is in imminent danger he or she is generally allowed to disclose confidential information to protect that person.If you believe your counselor has violated your confidentiality you can always contact your states' counseling regulatiory board. The board will then investigate the allegations and can take appropriate action. </s>

<s>[INST] I snap easy and push people away. I need help before I push my boyfriend away. [/INST] Death of someone with whom we had fond involvement is sad. Accepting that a person is permanently gone from this earth is unsettling and can feel painful.That you had no current contact with this person doesn't exclude the meaning or feelings from within your relationship with this person. Relationships don't require a time measurement in order to affect us. Your question acknowledges the process of adjusting to life without the chance to see or hear from this person again.It is normal to grieve so be gentle and not critical of yourself when you feel yourself missing this person. </s>

<s>[INST] I snap easy and push people away. I need help before I push my boyfriend away. [/INST] Meditation may be able to assist you in dealing and looking at your anger differently. Anger is not usually just anger. Behind our anger may lie rejection grief loneliness a longing to reconnect etc. When we ignore or repress our anger we are always ignoring these other emotions as well.Meditation is the midpoint between expressing and repressing anger. It allows us a space to stay present with it as it arises and recognize the many faces of anger. By doing this we are able to become aware of our feelings to learn more about them and not be swept away by them </s>

<s>[INST] I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child. [/INST] Well yes of course it scares them. They see someone they love behaving is frightening ways. That's a good reason to want to manage your emotions differently...but what are your thoughts on your anger Do you think your angry feelings justify lashing out The thing is that feeling angry is just that...feeling. Acting out is behavior and that affects everyone around you. Do you need to manage your behavior as well as your feelings My guess is that you do.First you need to pay better attention to your feelings thermostat . If you are always near boiling you don't have much margin for error. It's in your best interest and that of your family to bring that temperature down. That may mean more physical activity meditation journaling or some other outlet.The next and bigger question is what are you so mad about Or are you really sad scared confused Anger is a secondary emotion much like pneumonia is a secondary infection. Anger which sets us up to defend ourselves against a perceived danger is often a cover for feelings that leave us more vulnerable. That means people who are grieving may exhibit rage people who are scared may lash out.That doesn't excuse bad behavior but it might explain it. Get in t o see a therapist ASAP. You need a bit of help to identify both anger triggers and underlying feelings that get played out as anger. You are not a bad person for exhibiting emotions but anger can quickly become destructive - get help now </s>

<s>[INST] I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child. [/INST] Yes you can.. If you cannot control your temper who can You have more power of your emotions thoughts and feeling than you are giving yourself credit for. If this is scaring your wife and child you need to get control of it immediately. Try going to an anger management class. It will help to discover what is the root cause of your anger what triggers it and how you can control manage it. If you can't go to a class try self help books or even better yet counseling and support of a professional counselor. </s>

<s>[INST] Sometime when small thing happen like losing a comb I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem [/INST] Anger does have its place. When anger is experienced often or the magnitude of it does not fit the scenario such as your losing comb the question becomes what does losing that comb mean to you In the very split second that you have realized the comb is missing there is a reaction that occurs within you accompanied by an image or thought that like lightening flashes so quickly that you may not be aware what it is. As Sherry noted below awareness. Awareness is fundamental. Becoming aware of ourselves and what is happening internal that sparks it off. The next time you feel angry from a small thing stop and ask yourself why am I angry that this is lost Find out what you are thinking or how you are speaking to yourself. You will become aware and once you are aware steps can be taken to alter the experience for the better. A professional can assist with that </s>

<s>[INST] We're in an eight year relationship. My boyfriend drinks a lot. He experienced childhood trauma. I don't know how to deal with violent outbursts. [/INST] First let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us. Your question is brief so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people with your boyfriend's experiences the short healthy answer is that you can't fix the situation and maybe not even be able to help. He needs a professional. Period. What you can do is take care of yourself. With his background it is not likely that he will be able to help you or take care of you in a healthy way. Your task needs to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trauma and substance abuse are the definition of being out of control unable to set and manage appropriate boundaries manage his own emotions and behaviors. So your boyfriend is unlikely to be able to change in the near-term certainly not without professional help. You might also benefit from help and support to understand your own role in your relationship and how you can make changes in your life. I am NOT blaming you for any aspect of your boyfriend's behavior only acknowledging that there are two people in every relationship. If you have accepted your boyfriend's drinking and violent outbursts in the past by staying in the relationship that is likely to perpetuate his behavior. And there isn't any way to handle violent outbursts. They shouldn't be handled at all and if you have to be away from your boyfriend during his outbursts in order to be emotionally and physically safe then that may be what you will have to do. We can never really change anyone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. Sometimes our behavior changes the odds of another person's behaviors but it doesn't control it. I would recommend that you work with a professional to first ensure your own safety above all. Then make decisions about what behavior you are willing to accept or be connected to and which you want to separate from. Whatever your boyfriend does in his life you will be happier if you manage your own feelings set boundaries etc. Let me say again that you also would benefit from some good insight and support as you continue your journey. Wishing you and your boyfriend healing and recovery. </s>

<s>[INST] Any time things get heated the past gets brought up. I raise my voice at her to try to get a point across. She asks open-ended questions but always has to turn my own answer against me. She's seven months pregnant. I have drank in the past but I'm not dependent on alcohol I only drink at social events. [/INST] Have you tried to talk about the subjects of the past in the present at a time in which there is no heat between the two of you Since your gf would like to resolve situations from the past the best way to do so would be to talk about them. The more you try to avoid certain subjects the more likely they will come up between you at worse possible moments.If you can get ahead of the pattern of old topics coming up without your control then try scheduling a discussion about them. This by itself will show your gf you care about what she cares about and this may be one quality she would feel good about. </s>

<s>[INST] When I got home my boyfriend and I got into an argument. He got upset and he started hitting his face. That is the first time he has ever done that but I would be lying if I said that didn't scare me. I locked myself in the room. [/INST] Sounds scary to watch. I agree with you Maybe he felt so overwhelmed by anger hurt and frustration that he went back to an old behavior from his past in which someone hit him for having strong emotions.Now that the incident is past bring up the topic to him so the two of you can discuss it.Just the fact of you having empathy and caring what he was feeling at the time may be restorative to him.At the very least you may find out exactly what the answer is to your question as to why he did this in the first place </s>

<s>[INST] My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help [/INST] Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP getting a referral to a pediatric specialist and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks. I wont label this occurrences as normal yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help communicating your support including a plan of action and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin. </s>

<s>[INST] I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self. [/INST] With me knowing that a healthy relationship usually includes respect trust appreciation companionship spiritual solidarity domestic support feeling of being cherished and sensuous affection I am wondering if you are lacking in several if not all of these needs in your present relationship. Before he becomes your husband you should examine these areas and see if they are high in rating. Otherwise yes this relationship will affect your girls and you negatively. I would suggest relationship counseling specifically pre-marital. Not be surprised if through the process you realize that this relationship is not the best choice for you and your children. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been having horrendous nightmares this whole month. [/INST] Are you facing any type of overwhelming situation in your waking life Dreams and nightmares are the non-logical ways in which we make emotional sense of what goes on in our everyday waking world.Besides having some type of relaxing bedtime routine to set a peaceful mood for your sleep and avoiding viewing violent films and video games as entertainment maybe even avoiding news stories which sometimes have similar themes of violence the content of our dreams and nightmares is out of our direct control.Your nightmares may offer useful clues as to what you're trying to resolve in your life. Pay attention to the story of your nightmare because it reflects how you feel in waking life.If you feel helpless and silenced in your nightmare or taken advantage of or whatever dreadful situation goes on during your nightmare then look for where in waking life you may feel similar.In this way you'll become clearer about stressors in your life that you may not have realized existed were it not for the stress of nightmares. </s>

<s>[INST] I get an uncontrollable swallowing that is repetitive and then somewhat out of body feeling that lasts no more than a minute or two. It usually happens in bed at night but I occasionally experience this during the day. I have a benign brain tumor but the doctor said it is not associated with this. [/INST] I'm not entirely sure whether this relates to something in the mental health realm or if there is something else happening. I know you said that your doctor said it is not related to your physical condition but have you tried speaking with your primary care physician I've seen people with many different symptoms that end up being related to acid reflux or something of that nature. As far as the out of body experience there are different stages of sleep so if this is happening in the middle of the night and you are waking up from a dream you may not be fully awake when it's going on. These are just some thoughts but I think talking to your primary care physician would be a great place to start. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has friends at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected [/INST] I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband but if not could you Have a conversation with him about him and his life his work etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has friends at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected [/INST] I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.If your husband wants to start talking with you then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you then start to think if its possible and for how long to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband. </s>

<s>[INST] I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has friends at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected [/INST] Communication opens up what is called cognitive space for your partner and allows them to do the same for you. The more you know about each other especially your everyday lives creates a bond between the two of you. Much like the saying goes in the military the same is true for a couple Complacency Kills . It is important for both of you to invest in each other on a regular basis. I regularly recommend that both of you take the 5 Love Languages Assessment and start using each other's top love languages to help show each other the positive affection that you feel or at least want to feel for one another. Start asking about your husband's day trying to learn about all the interactions that he has at work and feel free to ask questions so that he knows you really want to know about him and know him intimately again. </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating or should I just move on [/INST] Hello. I'm sorry that this happened to you and that you are struggling with making a decision about this. In my experience a couple can absolutely overcome cheating and get back to the relationship they once had. Hopefully the other relationship is over and you can work on rebuilding the trust that has been broken. It will be difficult for the both of you to move past this and getting professional help as you navigate rebuilding your relationship is a good idea. Just know that you can get past this many couples do.Good luck </s>

<s>[INST] My fianc and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating or should I just move on [/INST] Definitely yes it is possible for a couple to trust each other again and become close with each other.Since your trust was broken your fianc would need to earn back your belief that he is faithful to you.Do you feel he empathizes with how you felt to find out about his cheating Before you have this question answered based on what you write there is a sense of your own doubt as to whether you are with the right partner.Before you and he address regaining your trust first decide if you'd like to work on this.Ask yourself if the sexual attention he felt he wasn't getting from you was bc you're not as interested in him as you imagine or once felt in the past.If each of you sincerely wants to be together it is possible to talk about your respective needs and help the other person feel safe again with the other. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions My Doc doesn't want to discuss it. [/INST] When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good article for you to start with. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions My Doc doesn't want to discuss it. [/INST] Hi there first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not this problem is very common for men and women. There are some things that you can try naturally before resulting in medication such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it in order for it to continue to run. If you would like to get further natural advice and or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck </s>

<s>[INST] I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help [/INST] Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss. </s>

<s>[INST] I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help [/INST] Hello I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups which can be very helpful. Lastly you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly some therapists offer sliding scale or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time </s>

<s>[INST] I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss but I don t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help [/INST] I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it. Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm planning to have baby so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction [/INST] First off I would like to congratulate you on making the decision to stop smoking. The next thing I want to share is that there are so many different ways to kick the habit. Some people find solace in groups while others prefer to see a counselor about this individually. Remember that the crux of addiction is feeling one way and using a substance or thing to feel a different way. My suggestion is to find an addiction counselor and create an individualized plan together to help you stop smoking . Your chances of stopping smoking are much higher when you have professional support and a plan to work on outside of your sessions. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm planning to have baby so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction [/INST] While smoking can be incredibly difficult to quit doing it's not impossible so the first thing to NOT lose is hope. And certainly planning to have a baby can be exactly the catalyst that one needs to motivate to complete this sort of task. But as I said it still won't be easy even with the motivation there.There is a definite physical component but it's great that you can acknowledge the psychological addiction that exists. It would be helpful to dive into what that psychological need actually is as it can vary from person to person whereas the physical addiction doesn't as much and therefor can be helped through gums and patches and inhalers etc. Exploring and getting to the root of the psychological need can help you to determine what is going on for you psychologically and how else you can meet those needs of yours perhaps in much healthier and more adaptive ways that also help you to feel really good about yourself. While replacement is not always advocated having psychological needs is not something to be ashamed of but rather nurtured. </s>

<s>[INST] My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this [/INST] It is challenging to see one's parents age and to cope with the new demands. Your mom means a lot to you and that is why you get easily frustrated. I'm guessing that it is not that she is making you do work or that her expectations are non-important to you because if that were the case you would not feel any guilt. Accepting the new stage will help you cope with the changes. Take a deep breath every time you feel frustrated and think of the good times you shared with your mom before her getting Alzheimer's. Remember that your mom as she was is no longer and that she has reverted to a more delicate phase. Also schedule time for yourself and do things that help you relax. Caretaking of an elderly parent can take a toll on you and it is essential to incorporate self-care. Finally look for an Alzheimer's support group in your area that will help you connect with other people going through the same thing. You are a good daughter and your mom is lucky to have you in her life. </s>

<s>[INST] My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this [/INST] There is some great advice here that can really help but you need some direct support. Please find a caregiver support organization a grief group and an individual therapist to help you during this trying time. Your mom may not know what she is saying or mean the awful things she says but that doesn't make it hurt less. Please take care of yourself and gt some help </s>

<s>[INST] My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this [/INST] It's a good question man and it must be terrible to see your mother in the state she's in.Understand that Alzheimer's is due to under-performing function of kidneys adrenals and connective tissue strengtheners all of which may be corrected with appropriate protocols that are inexpensive and generally simple to follow.Imagine it like a flower that is not fed properly A once beautifully blossom flower APPEARS to be wilting but it's life-force spirit and essence remain fully there and present. And your mom hears you.Let's clean her out and see her smile return. </s>

<s>[INST] I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants. I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about whether it's right in her eyes. Would it help for me to talk to someone about this [/INST] If the only way the relationship you have with your mother feels okay is when she is the only one who makes decisions concerning your life then this only seems ok.In fact it is not okay for one person to be the authority for another person unless the one for whom this is being done does not have their own ability to think for themselves.Separating your own wishes and way of handling life matters from your mother's point of view may be difficult.First realize you need to get familiar with feeling at ease with the idea of deciding matters for yourself.You'll need practice until you feel comfortable.Unless if you've been thinking through decisions you'd like to make and the idea of your mother's anger is the only point which stopped you then you may almost instantly start living in a liberated way of running your own life.Basically it is right and fair for you to have the chance to live your life the way you feel is best. Be prepared that your mother may disagree with you and that her disagreement is not a reason itself to not do what you believe is in your best interest. </s>

<s>[INST] I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants. I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about whether it's right in her eyes. Would it help for me to talk to someone about this [/INST] ABSOLUTELY. Having someone who's outside the situation and even more so with knowledge and experience in human behavior and relationship dynamics such as a counselor can do wonders in helping us feel less alone in frustrating situations like the one you're currently stuck in with your mother. A professional can also assist you in finding some assertiveness techniques communication strategies and coping skills to help you find your voice and stand your ground in a way that feels most authentic to you.In a healthy parent-child dynamic there comes a normal developmental shift when as the child reaches each new stage of maturity and responsibility the parent backs off to provide a more supportive role instead of directive role. We call this redefining relationships. We also do it with our friendships and colleagues here and there over time as needed . It's absolutely vital. Sounds like your mom may have missed that memo. Like many parents she may feel your behavior and choices is a direct reflection of her. Or that her role as your mother allows her greater latitude than it should. Or like many other people in general that her way is the ONLY way. Regardless this is YOUR life. And as far as we know it's not a dress rehearsal. You certainly don't want to wake up some 50 years from now regretful or resentful. That being said there are certainly ways to show her love and respect while doing what makes you happy. I would encourage you to Google therapists near you whose bios resonate with you and what you're looking for and start on a the journey towards a new chapter of freedom and hopefully a deeper more satisfying mother-daughter relationship for both of you. </s>

<s>[INST] My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] It is understandable that it's very hard for you to hear daily complaints from your mother regarding the caregiving of your niece. You cannot change your mother's feelings and responsibilities which could create feelings of frustration and helplessness. It must be equally hard for your mother to assume full responsibility for your niece at a time where your sister cannot take care of her. This type of responsibility usually produces an enormous amount of stress and pressure because your mother and niece would both need to adapt to this new relationship living situation and the feeling of being abandoned. Not knowing the history of your relationship with your mother and how you respond to each other in times of need it may be difficult to fight the right recommendation on how to deal with this situation. Nonetheless it is not easy to have to face daily complaints and you may have to set a healthy balance between empathy and boundary setting with your mother and some personal boundaries for yourself. It is likely that your mother's complaints may be her desperate cry for help because she does not know how to cope with stress or how to ask for the right kind of support. In this case you could calmly and respectfully tell her the next time you hear her complain This must be very difficult for you because I hear the stress in your voice almost everyday. It's very hard for me to hear you feeling so overwhelmed. I feel helpless in this situation and would like to suggest that it might be helpful for you to seek some professional help and support to deal with such a big matter of importance. When empathy and understanding is communicated recipients are usually more open because they hear and feel the caring behind it and are more likely to seek additional help.After sharing this message of empathy and encouragement to seek help the next step is to protect yourself by explaining to your mother where your limits are so that she understands what she can expect from you. This means that you can decide the kind of support or help you are willing to give your mother and or niece that is within your ability to provide without feeling overwhelmed. This could involve inviting them to dinner occasionally taking them out to see a movie or inviting your niece over to give your mother respite. </s>

<s>[INST] My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] Then one day when life between you and mom feels calm tell your mom that you aren't able to listen to her complaints about your sister.The truth exists whether or not it is acknowledged. Bu acknowledging what feels real and necessary in your life you are helping your mom see what she may not like to see and what nevertheless is right in front of her.There is no good reason or good to come of hiding your own truth about not wishing to continue listening to your mom complain. </s>

<s>[INST] My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] This sounds stressful.You mentioned that you want to learn how to avoid them. I'm not sure whether you want to avoid them overall or if you would like to ask your mom to maybe only talk to you about it for a few minutes about your niece in each conversation that you have.Maybe you can connect your mom with some support. It sounds as if she has lost part of herself and or is very stressed out and in talking with you about it because she trusts you enough for you to be someone she can speak openly you are becoming stressed because of things that you cannot directly change. This is the presumptive based on the amount of information that you posted but it sounds like there is a bit of a circle of stress here.I also wonder who you could talk with when you are stressed.It may be helpful to see a local mental health professional to help redefine some boundaries so you can have the type of relationship with your mother that you want without necessarily feeling stressed out by it every day. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm an adult facing problems with my mom. She's way too controlling. She decides things for me disregarding whatever I say. I tried explaining my side to her calmly but she eventually gets angry and doesn't wish to listen to me regardless of how I speak to her. [/INST] The part of your life which is in your control is the way you handle what your mom does and the way she talks to you.It is possible the two of you have very different opinions on a great number of matters.Each person including you has the right to decide whether and how to respond to someone.Stick up for your own right to make decisions.If she doesn't accept your independent viewpoints then this doesn't give away your right to have these views.Since she makes herself clear as to her unwillingness to listen to you then consider this as an easy way to avoid directly speaking with her about what's on your mind.If she ever shows an interest in your opinions and you feel like discussing these with her then feel free to make this choice. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a teenage gay girl and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too but my family doesn't accept me so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I have to constantly hide the real me. It hurts so much to hide the real me. What can I do [/INST] Many people do not accept the reality of gender beyond male and female.Obviously if your family doesn't accept your questioning status then this feels painful.All you really can do is continue your self-examination and know you're in a non-supportive family of doing so.To know the truth about your surroundings is much better than to not know and also much better than pretending you are not in your current phase of gender expression questioning. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always listening to my husband but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time [/INST] Thanks for your question. Communication is essential between couples and often times gets neglected in relationships. Working with your husband to help him become a better listener and consequently a better communicator is going to take some work from your part. You have to calmly be able to express to him your concern and how it affects you. Very important is that you do it in a loving and non-threatening way. Therefore the time to have this discussion is not when you are frustrated or need to vent to someone about something important. Focus the discussion on how both of you could benefit from having more meaningful conversations where both parties are being heard and how it is important to you that he hears you just like it is crucial for him to be heard. There is a lot of useful information online about how to be a good listener or therapist in your area that can help you. Be patient and genuine and he will come around. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always listening to my husband but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time [/INST] Thanks for reaching out. This is a great question. Communication is definitely a 2-way street. One person cannot participate in a discussion. It takes a talker and a listener. Furthermore communication will breakdown if each party is only focusing on his or her agenda and is not open to what the other person is saying. since I can't ask you questions about what is going on I am going to make a guess at one situation that comes up a lot when I work with couples. One person focuses more on solving the issue than listening to their partner. This can be frustrating for the partner who wants to just be heard. I understand that you are working really hard to listen to him and he might not be putting as much effort into listening to you. That can be really frustrating and difficult and I want to acknowledge you for wanting to improve your relationship.One of the best strategies to gettting heard is actually to BE A GOOD LISTENER to someone else. I know you are probably already a good listener and for you to work on listening skills may seem counterintuitive right You want to get heard and now you are the one doing the listening. But this can really create more effective communication if you invest time working on doing some active listening in your relationship because then you get to model those skills for your husband and allow him to see what it feels like to be listened to and then you can even teach him some of those skills. In other words you practice specific techniques that you can use and then teach later on. Here are some skills for you to use consciously and then you can teach Pay attention and use your body language to convey that you are in the conversation. No texting or distractions. Lean in. Focus.Listen for content and for emotion. Clarify what you don't understand. Try to understand the person's underlying emotions. Don't rush to judgement or to changing what is going on with the person. Sit in a place where you are really curious and want to understand what is going on. Encourage the other person to continue speaking Nod and vocalize that you hear what they are saying.Ask questions to get to understand the other person's point of view.I believe when we can model these kinds of listening skills and the other person feels heard they will be more likely to listen to us. If you don't find that this doesn't spill over in that way then have a discussion about what you are practicing and that you are learning these skills to be a better listener so you can understand him better. Then explain how it might be helpful if you both tried it. If there is push back from him set up a trial period to just try the skill perhaps for 2 weeks and see if it helps. If communication is really breaking down then it might be time to work with a counselor who can help with these skills.Best of luck to you </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always listening to my husband but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time [/INST] Thanks for your question. Communication is essential between couples and often times gets neglected in relationships. Working with your husband to help him become a better listener and consequently a better communicator is going to take some work from your part. You have to calmly be able to express to him your concern and how it affects you. Very important is that you do it in a loving and non-threatening way. Therefore the time to have this discussion is not when you are frustrated or need to vent to someone about something important. Focus the discussion on how both of you could benefit from having more meaningful conversations where both parties are being heard and how it is important to you that he hears you just like it is crucial for him to be heard. There is a lot of useful information online about how to be a good listener or therapist in your area that can help you. Be patient and genuine and he will come around. Best of Luck Mirella </s>

<s>[INST] I'm always listening to my husband but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time [/INST] Thanks for reaching out. This is a great question. Communication is definitely a 2-way street. One person cannot participate in a discussion. It takes a talker and a listener. Furthermore communication will breakdown if each party is only focusing on his or her agenda and is not open to what the other person is saying. since I can't ask you questions about what is going on I am going to make a guess at one situation that comes up a lot when I work with couples. One person focuses more on solving the issue than listening to their partner. This can be frustrating for the partner who wants to just be heard. I understand that you are working really hard to listen to him and he might not be putting as much effort into listening to you. That can be really frustrating and difficult and I want to acknowledge you for wanting to improve your relationship.One of the best strategies to gettting heard is actually to BE A GOOD LISTENER to someone else. I know you are probably already a good listener and for you to work on listening skills may seem counterintuitive right You want to get heard and now you are the one doing the listening. But this can really create more effective communication if you invest time working on doing some active listening in your relationship because then you get to model those skills for your husband and allow him to see what it feels like to be listened to and then you can even teach him some of those skills. In other words you practice specific techniques that you can use and then teach later on. Here are some skills for you to use consciously and then you can teach Pay attention and use your body language to convey that you are in the conversation. No texting or distractions. Lean in. Focus.Listen for content and for emotion. Clarify what you don't understand. Try to understand the person's underlying emotions. Don't rush to judgement or to changing what is going on with the person. Sit in a place where you are really curious and want to understand what is going on. Encourage the other person to continue speaking Nod and vocalize that you hear what they are saying.Ask questions to get to understand the other person's point of view.I believe when we can model these kinds of listening skills and the other person feels heard they will be more likely to listen to us. If you don't find that this doesn't spill over in that way then have a discussion about what you are practicing and that you are learning these skills to be a better listener so you can understand him better. Then explain how it might be helpful if you both tried it. If there is push back from him set up a trial period to just try the skill perhaps for 2 weeks and see if it helps. If communication is really breaking down then it might be time to work with a counselor who can help with these skills.Best of luck to you </s>

<s>[INST] I love him but he doesn t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. [/INST] So many questions comes to mind when I read your words...Do you love yourself What do you LOVE about him What are you getting from this relationship that is good for you What are you lacking in yourself that you allow yourself to be treated this way ....I can go on..If you can answer these questions maybe you will answer your own question of WHY are you with your husband or even better WHY you ALLOW your husband to be mean show no love disrespect you You seem to lack self-worth...seek a professional to help you with this. </s>

<s>[INST] My father is in the hospital and was diagnosed with leukemia. I have been dealing with that all day. My husband keeps getting mad at me for things that I said. [/INST] I don't know how long you have been married but this might be a time to explain to your husband what you wish he could do for you in this moment. It could be that he is showing that he is getting mad at you because he is worried about you and it is just coming out wrong. Maybe he would be open to an honest discussion </s>

<s>[INST] I'm feeling different towards my husband. I feel I am growing from the relationship. I have been with my husband for six years and married for almost five. I just don't feel that connection anymore. I feel nothing. I don't know why or if I'm just being irrational. [/INST] Lacey I'm SO glad you wrote. Thousands of people are having this same feeling right now. I'm glad you're paying attention to it. When you first meet someone there are all kinds of sparkly feelings and you both do and say lots of things to cement the attachment and create deep intimacy and connection. Then what happens is because we have that connection established we instinctively cut back on those loving behaviours because we don't have to work hard to earn their love anymore. That sparkly feeling typically lasts a few years long enough to procreate and keep the human race going and then it wears off a bit and you end up looking at each other thinking how come I don't feel the same anymore Mostly not always and I'll get to that in a minute all that this means is you've stopped doing all those loving things you used to do It's as though you filled the car with gas you've run out of gas now and you're forgetting to put more in The first clear solution to this feeling is to bring back more of your own loving behaviours that you've cut back on. Act lovingly and you will likely regain those feelings. Talk to your partner about this. It's okay to say do you remember we used to do X Y and Z Can we do that again Can I get more of the foot rubs you used to give me Ask for what you want instead of complaining . What are your 'love languages' What are your partner's Marriages need to be fed. It's that simple. Many things get in the way...children jobs but mostly complacency. Get active with your love Okay now you might read this and think that's not what's happening . That's a cue to talk to someone like a therapist about your feelings. People do grow and change and sometimes relationships don't fit anymore. But these are huge decisions not to be made lightly. I wish you happiness. </s>

<s>[INST] I have an overwhelming desire to watch my wife have sex with another man. I talked to her about it and she said she will do it for me. The idea excites me to no end but I don t want to because it disgusts me. How can I stop wanting it or should I just give into it and do it I ve been struggling for years with this. It won t go away. By the way I am in my mid 30s and my wife is in her mid 40s. [/INST] Try to understand your own ambivalence to having your wish fulfilled.Since you and your wife are in a relationship the sex she will have with another man will affect emotions in both you and your wife.I suggest you and her prepare emotionally before you both go ahead with the sexual arrangement By anticipating any jealousy or feeling helpless or out of control or in control since it's your wish being fulfilled all the feelings you and her are able to expect you'll be more prepared for the actual emotions from the episode which may also resolve your conflicted feelings about creating the event.There are a lot of unknowns in the situation you're considering. Having your partner who will be key in satisfying your sex wish be active in understanding these unknowns is a good way of keeping your relationship strong overall. </s>

<s>[INST] My husband doesn t trust me for some past we had. I know all marriages have their ups and downs but sometimes I feel I am getting tired of the same thing over and over that I am messing around which I am not. [/INST] The good news in the way you're feeling is recognizing that your husband's trust of your actions makes a difference to you.The typical therapy formula for restoring trust between two people after some sort of betrayal is for the one who has broken the trust to earn it back.Restoring trust requires both persons to actively involve themselves in this process.The person who tires earning back trust must know what standards for this of the one who was betrayed.The person who feels betrayed must willingly be open minded to accepting the efforts of the one who tries earning back their trust.As simple as this formula sounds the actual process of restoring trust raises a lot of emotion on both sides therefore causing difficulty in keeping discussions in this area on track.The best way of success in restoring trust between partners is utilizing a couples therapist who would be able to guide your conversations back on track and also open emotions for discussion when relevant to restoring trust.Good luck in establishing new terms with your partner </s>

<s>[INST] My husband doesn t trust me for some past we had. I know all marriages have their ups and downs but sometimes I feel I am getting tired of the same thing over and over that I am messing around which I am not. [/INST] It is incredibly frustrating to not be trusted when you know you are doing nothing wrong. If the lack of trust on your husband's end has to do with something you did in the past then be patient and give it time. Once trust is broken it takes time and effort to gain it back. Try seeing the situation from your husband's perspective as often times looking at situations from different angles gives us new understanding and insight. Remember that you can't change how he feels but you can help him to regain the trust by asking him what he needs and responding to his needs as best you can. Seeing a couple's counselor is never a bad idea and it would also be beneficial for you and or your husband to seek out individual therapy. There may be other unknown factors that you are unaware of that are contributing to the trust issues and inability to resolve them. Hope everything works out for you </s>

<s>[INST] I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately. [/INST] There are plenty of online providers within the mental health field that would me more than happy to speak with you immediately. Many of them provide treatment on a sliding scale fee. I would google online mental health treatment providers and that should lead you to a list of providers that can help you. </s>

<s>[INST] I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately. [/INST] Depending on your area and location there may be therapists who provide services on a sliding scale. Additionally churches will often times offer counseling for free or for a small fee. I suggest doing a simple Google search and contact therapists in your area. It never hurts to ask for a reduced fee and even if he or she is unable to provide the service they may be able to refer you to someone who can. </s>

<s>[INST] I ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it s just a crush but I don't know how to cope with it. How should I deal with this [/INST] No one can tell you how to deal with your own relationship even a therapist. But you should absolutely give your girlfriend the respect of believing both of those statements she gives you development of feelings and it being a crush. If that makes you feel a certain way mistrustful no difference in feelings then that is what is most important to understand. When you understand exactly how YOU feel about hearing this news then we can know how you should deal with this.You have every right to be in the relationship or to leave the relationship. But if trust is broken first and foremost it needs repairing. What that repair looks like varies but can often involve couples therapy which may be complicated because of the long-distance nature of the relationship. Otherwise staying in a relationship that has become mistrustful for you and not prioritizing the repair is a recipe for disaster. </s>

<s>[INST] I ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it s just a crush but I don't know how to cope with it. How should I deal with this [/INST] Long distance relationships have the addition strain of being far away. It sounds like you and your girlfriend overcame the initial challenges considering that you ve been together for over a year and she was honest in telling you about her crush. These are some clear strengths in your relationship. Now moving forward continuing to have honest conversations about your relationship will help ensure you two are on the same page. Explore with her how this crush came about and what her feelings are about this relationship. Be prepared for the answers and express your feelings as well. You ve invested over a year in this relationship it may be worth figuring out how to mend it. Ignoring this issue will potentially lead to other issues. </s>

<s>[INST] I ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it s just a crush but I don't know how to cope with it. How should I deal with this [/INST] Did your girlfriend tell you her reason to tell you about the new person Your feelings of insecurity is natural because you don't know where the crush fits into her life.Since any long-lasting relationship in which both people thrive means each partner freely speaks their mind and will be listened and responded then your current situation is a good one to start these foundations of talking with one another.Tell your girlfriend whatever is on your mind regarding her crush. As your trusted partner theoretically she would like to know all about how you feel.Keep the expectation that talking about anything at all is the best sign of closeness.Once you learn more about this crush you can decide what if anything to do differently in your relationship. </s>

<s>[INST] I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop [/INST] This is not totally unusual behavior but the fact that you would like to stop and cannot seem to be able to points to something deeper. That cannot be unpacked online but I'm glad that you're in this space and asking this question. Try to find a therapist who seems like a good fit and begin to get to work on this issue and what all is going on for you. You're not alone </s>