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fd_Frasier_05x23

fd_Frasier_05x23_0

Act 1 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. A woman (Tricia) is waiting at a table. Frasier comes rushing in. Frasier: Tricia...I am so very sorry. Have you been waiting long? Tricia: Well, let's see: we were supposed to meet at noon and it's now quarter to one. Frasier: Well, I do apologize, it's just that the most extraordinary thing happened. Tricia: Well, at least I'll get a colorful anecdote out of this. What was it? Frasier: My watch stopped. Tricia: [rising] I gotta go. Frasier: No, no, no, no. That really is extraordinary. You see, it's a very fine Swiss timepiece, it only loses a minute per decade. Tricia: And you've had it for what? Four hundred and fifty years? I'm sorry Frasier, I have an appointment at one. Frasier: No, no, no, please, please, let me have another chance. I so enjoyed meeting you last night, I'd love to get to know you better. Tricia: Well, I suppose even Swiss watches sometimes stop. Frasier: You'd be amazed how much fondue gets overcooked that way. [They laugh.] Listen, how about lunch tomorrow? I know the maitre d' over at the Le Petite Bistro, he'll give us the best table in the house. Please? Tricia: Well, OK. I'll meet you there at one. That's when the little hand is on the one... Frasier: Yes, yes, I know, I know. [as she leaves] See you then. Niles walks over with his coffee cup and dusts off the seat. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles: Thank god you have room. I just spent ten stupefying minutes sharing a table with a taxidermist. I swear, he doesn't have to stuff his trophies, he can just bore them stiff. Who was that woman? Frasier: Actually, a young woman I met during intermission at the opera last night. I swear, Niles, it was remarkable. Our hands touched, there was a spark. After ten minutes of conversation, I knew I had to know this young woman better. Ever experience that sort of thing? Niles: Actually, yes, I do know a thing or two about the spark of attraction. Frasier: [to waiter] Oh, excuse me, may I have non-fat cappuccino, please? Well, what am I to deduce, that you've recently gotten lucky? Niles: Yes! And here's the kicker: she lives in your building. Five floors down, Allison Landis. Frasier: Well, you little sneak. I don't even know the woman. How did you two meet? Niles: Well, we were just chatting on the elevator. I walked her to her car, where it turned out she'd locked her keys inside. My resourcefulness saved the day... Frasier: What'd you do, fish them out with a coat hanger? Niles: No, I called the auto club. Where would I find a coat hanger? Anyway, she invited me to join her for lunch, we hit it off. The next night, I took her to dinner, one thing led to another, and soon, there was no need for words. Frasier: Except for your frantically babbled "Thank you's." Niles: Oh, well. I'm seeing her again tonight, so you'll understand if I'm a little bit drained during our squash game. My lovemaking can get slightly athletic. Frasier: Which is more than can be said for your squash game. Niles: It's funny - I've been away from the seduction scene so long I was worried I had started to lose my technique? Were those fears ever groundless. You know, it's like French, you can go without speaking it for years, then just a few hours on the old boulevarde d'amour and you, ah... [Frasier rises.] Where are you going? Frasier: To sit with the taxidermist. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Frasier and Niles come in, wearing athletic clothes. Frasier: I can't believe this has happened to me two days in a row! Niles: Frasier, you had car trouble, it can happen to anyone. Frasier: I hope she's still sitting at Le Petite Bistro. Daphne: Oh, she isn't. Frasier: What? Daphne: If you're talking about someone named Tricia, she called To say she was leaving the restaurant. She also said you were right about the table: that it was a beautiful table in a prime location, and that she wished you were laid out dead on top of it. Frasier: [dialing] Oh, God. Ah, it's her machine. Hello, Tricia, it's Frasier. Look, I'm, I'm terribly sorry but it's just my car battery went dead at a light, and I didn't have my cell phone with me. By the time I got a jump I realized I couldn't go directly to the restaurant because I was wearing these ridiculous shorts, and I, I know how this sounds, but it's the truth! Here, just ask my brother. [He holds the phone out to Niles.] Niles: He's right, they're ridiculous shorts. Frasier: Anyway, please give me one more chance. I'll go anywhere, anytime, just, uh, give me a call. Please. [he disconnects] Niles: May I have the phone? Frasier: [handing it over] Of course. God, I had such high hopes for this young woman, now I've gone and blown it twice. Whom are you calling? Niles: [dialing] Allison. It's been hours since we spoke. [into the phone, in a risqu voice] Hello, there. How ya feeling? Uh-huh. Me too. [holding his back] Yeah, me too. Frasier: [grabbing him] Oh for God's sake, take it in my bedroom! You're makin' the dog twitch! Martin enters. Martin: Frasier, you're gonna be so excited when you hear what I got planned for your birthday! Frasier: Oh, Dad, please, I thought I said I didn't want any fuss this year. Martin: Well, get ready to change your mind, 'cause I scored tickets, Friday night, to the best show in town. [He takes two tickets out of his pocket and holds them up.] Frasier: Chimps on Ice? Oh, my. Martin: Yeah, now I know this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, but trust me on this. Duke saw this last week and he busted a gut. Frasier: Well, Dad... Martin: [grabbing his coat] And mind you, he even saw it with the understudy. Frasier: Dad, look, you know, I really don't feel like going out on my birthday this year. Martin: Oh, are you sure? Frasier: Yes, I actually had made plans already. I was gonna stay in and watch television. The opera is mounting a new production of "Cosi van Tutti." Martin: Oh, well no wonder then. OK, but you're missing a real treat. Duke said in the final , the whole cast skates to the top of this ramp, then Splat! right into a tank of whipped cream. Bet they don't do that at your opera. Frasier: No. And Mozart's still kicking himself. Martin: Come on, boy. [He leaves with Eddie.] Niles: [coming back] Frasier? Are you familiar with the Safari Club? Frasier: Of course I'm familiar with them. Their yearly expeditions are remarkable. Niles: They're more than remarkable! They're the stuff of legend. Last year, they made camp at the base of Mount Everest, then had their servants climb it while they held a wine tasting. Frasier: So why are you telling me this? Niles: Because, Allison is a member. This Friday night, they're having a black tie reception at her place downstairs, and we're invited! Frasier: That's incredible! Oh my goodness! Niles: Consider it your birthday present. Frasier: Oh, thank you! Thank you so much. But wait, gee, I told Dad I was gonna stay home that night. You mustn't tell him about this. Niles: Oh, don't worry. He'll never suspect. I told him yesterday I was going to be away for the weekend. Frasier: Great. Perfect. But wait a minute: you knew about this yesterday? Niles: Uh, no. But I knew about Chimps on Ice. He leaves. Fade out. HAVE YOU TRIED THE CAPE BUFFALO SALAD? Scene 3 - The Fourteenth Floor Hallway Fade in. Niles and Frasier exit the elevator in tuxedos. Niles: I am so looking forward to this. I understand one of the members is going to show an old film he made of the rare and endangered species found only in the rain forest. Maris would have loved it. [He rings the doorbell.] Frasier: Oh, why so? Niles: She had shoes made from almost all of them. The door opens and a woman in an evening gown comes out. Niles: Allison. [He hugs her.] Allison: Niles. And this must be Frasier. Frasier: Hello. Allison: Come in, both of you. There are lots of people I'd like you to meet. CUT TO: the interior of her apartment. A lavish banquet is set out. Allison: The bar is over there, and the hors d'oeuvres are over here. We have some fascinating delicacies actually bagged by our own members. This is ostrich, that's wildebeest, and that's springbok. Frasier: You know, I can never remember which... Is it "Fall ahead, Springbok" or vice versa? [They laugh, Frasier's cell phone starts ringing.] Oh, oh good heavens, I forgot I had this on me. Allison: Don't apologize. I do it myself. Even in the veldt, one must keep in touch with one's broker. Here, you can have privacy in the study. Frasier: [moving off] Thank you. Hello? Niles: You look ravishing. Allison: Thank you, but listen, I think you and I should be very discreet tonight. Niles: Oh, I'm a psychiatrist. If I can't be discreet, it don't rain in Tanganyika. [N.B. Modern-day Tanzania] Allison: Good. After all, if in the near future you should happen to be up for membership in our little club, I want to appear completely objective when I sing your praises. Niles: My ears are already burning. Frasier comes out of the study. Niles: Frasier! We're being considered for membership. Allison as much as said it. We must do everything in our power to show them how enthusiastic we are. Frasier: I have to leave. Niles: What?! Frasier: Niles, that was Tricia on the phone. She's going out of town tonight for a month. But if I swing by, pick her up at her place, pick her up, we can at least join each other for a drink. He moves to leave. Niles stops him. Niles: Are you insane? This is the Safari Club. These are the people who introduced badminton to Devil's Island. Frasier: I don't care! It was kismet when I met this young woman, I'm not giving up an opportunity to see her! Niles: But, to leave two minutes after you arrived, you're going to ruin both our chances! Frasier: All right, I'll make a proper excuse. Excuse me, Allison? I'm terribly sorry, it seems I'm coming down with a touch of something, I'm going to have to leave. Allison: You poor man. If you feel better, please do come back down. We'll be here all evening. Frasier: Thank you, but I, I don't really see that there's much hope. He leaves. CUT TO: the hallway outside Frasier's apartment. The elevator opens. Frasier: Yes, I'm just stopping by my place to pick up my keys, I will see you in ten minutes. And Tricia? I can't wait. OK, bye. He goes into the apartment, grabs his keys, and suddenly the lights come up on a crowd. Crowd: Surprise! Frasier is stunned. FADE OUT. End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in on the same scene. Martin: You didn't think we were gonna let you stay home alone on your birthday, did ya? Look at his face! He can't believe it. Frasier: No, I certainly can't. Daphne: Well, why are you dressed like that? Frasier: Well, I, I dress like this sometimes when I watch the opera on television. Bulldog: Well, that's up there on the dork meter. Frasier: You know, since I'm not going to be watching the opera, perhaps I could run out and buy a brand new videotape so I can record it. Daphne: We're way ahead of you, Dr. Crane, your father has the VCR all set up. Bulldog: Let's get things started! Here you go, Doc. Happy birthday. [Hands him a brown bag.] Frasier: [opening it] Oh, well, thank you Bulldog, thank you all. Oh, well, "David Copperfield," Dickens's classic tale of a young man making his way in the world. Bulldog: I, uh, think we're talking about different movies, here, Doc. Frasier: [looking again] Mmm. "David Cop-a-Feel." Well... Bulldog: But you were right about the classy tail part. Hey, you need a brew? I'm headed that way. Frasier: No, no thanks. Roz: I'd love a cup of hot tea with lemon. Bulldog: Hey, I'm fetching, not cooking. Daphne: It's OK, Roz. There's a kettle of boiling water on the stove. [She gives a cup to Frasier] Here you are. Frasier: Yes, well, thank you, Daphne. Daphne: Now don't be mad with your father. He just wanted to do something nice for your birthday, after you turned thumbs down on the skating monkeys. Martin: Hey, great party huh? Just as long as we've got enough ice. You got four bags, right? Daphne: No, I got two. Martin: Two?! I told you to get four bags! Daphne: Oh, here we go. Martin: You never under-budget on the ice. You never know, you might get a lot more rocks drinkers than you expected. Or ice chewers. Frasier: Dad, I can go get some more ice! Daphne: We don't need more ice! We've got plenty. There's a whole tub of it. Frasier: Yes, well, then, excuse me. I need to make a call. He goes to the kitchen and dials his cell phone. Frasier: Tricia, Frasier. Look, I've been detained. Yes, I know you really don't want to know why. Say, you know what? I think I can find a way to get out of here. Yes, I'll see you in a few minutes. He pours the kettle out into the ice bowl, and calls out to the living room. Frasier: Dad. Bad news, seems your ice is melting awfully fast. Martin: What? Frasier: [heading for the door] No worries, I'll get some more. Roz: [racing ahead of him] No, Frasier, it's your party, I'll go. Frasier: No, Roz, I want to go. Roz: But you just got here. Frasier: Roz, it's my birthday, I can do whatever I want on my birthday, I want to go get some ice. Martin: [hollering from the kitchen] I knew it! I warned her! It's practically gone! Frasier: Don't worry, Dad! I'm on it! Roz: Listen, I'll be glad to go... Frasier: Roz, I want to go, I know what kind Dad likes! He throws her against the powder room door, and rushes out. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - The Elevator Fade in. Frasier is watching the buttons. Frasier: No, no, don't stop on fourteen. Just don't stop on fourteen. No, no! The doors open on fourteen, Allison is there greeting a new guest. Allison: Frasier! I'm delighted you're feeling better. You're just in time, we're about to start the film. Wait 'til you see it. [She escorts him inside.] Just grab a chair before all the good seats are gone. Niles: What are you doing here? Frasier: Wishing I had taken the stairs. He bumps into a broad-shouldered, barrel-chested man (Karl). Karl: If I wanted this martini shaken, I'd have asked the bartender to do it. He stalks off, another guest (Nigel) approaches. Nigel: Mustn't mind old Rhino, always in a vile mood. Frasier: "Rhino?" Nigel: Karl Landis, Allison's husband. They call him "Rhino" because of his mean temper. Niles: [lightly] Husband? Allison's m-married? Nigel: Not surprised people don't know. Man's always on safari. Loves guns. Guns and women. No secret, notorious for it. Cheats on her constantly. Mark my words, one of these days she'll pay him back and then rub his bloodthirsty nose in it. He harumphs to himself and wanders off. Niles: Here's something interesting: I think I just swallowed my tongue. [starts hyperventilating] Frasier: Niles, Niles, just be calm, be calm. What's done is done. You didn't know, and now it's over. As long as you've both been discreet, there's no reason it should ever get back to Rhino. In another corner of the room: Karl: [as the whole room falls silent] I don't know what you're insinuating. Allison: Well, don't lie. Everyone knows what goes on in that pup tent. Well, I can play at that game too. In fact, I already have, and with somebody right here tonight. How do you like that? At the other corner: Niles: Frasier, I have to ask a small favor. I need you to create a distraction, while I have a s*x change and move to Europe. Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles, I would love to stay and help, but I've got to get out of here myself. Allison: Well, we're ready for the movie. Mind helping me turn out the lights? Frasier: Splendid idea! You're going to want it nice and dark in here, aren't you? Niles: You should have told me you were married. I have to leave. Allison: Don't be a fool. If he sees someone sneaking out of here, that's the first person he'll suspect. Frasier: All set, and it's show time. The film starts, Frasier sneaks on his hands and knees behind everybody. Suddenly the projector stops. The lights come up. Niles: What happened? Allison: Did someone pull the plug out? Frasier: Yep. Here it is! All right, lights out. There you go. The film starts up again, the lights go out. Frasier sneaks out the door. At the sound of it closing, the movies stops and the lights come up again. Karl: What was that? Niles: Well, someone certainly snuck out of here in a hurry. Karl: I know what you're all thinking. Now that Allison has seen fit to air our dirty laundry in public, you assume that was her lover. But I know it wasn't. Niles: How? Karl: Because I can sense that he's still here. In the jungle, I learned to smell fear, and I smell it now. Niles takes a subtle sniff off of his jacket. Karl: So, let's see if the swine has the guts to stand up and admit it before I expose him. What about it, coward? Going to stand up? Niles looks nervous, then steels himself, puts his hand on the back of the chair, and starts to rise. Before he can, about half a dozen others of varying age stand up. Niles eases back down. Karl: That many? [to Allison] My God, woman, you're as bad as I am. Come on, ya bastards, join me in a drink. The all go off to another room as Niles laughs nervously and sips his drink. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - the hallway. The elevator opens and Frasier gets on, there are a few people from the station on it, including Noel. Noel: Hi, Dr. Crane. We're all just on our way up to your place. Frasier: Noel. So you are. Hi Tom, Janet, Bill. You know what? I was just heading down, we're out of ice. Noel: Oh, not anymore. I brought a twenty-pound bag. Just call me Noel Shempsky, Party Saver. CUT TO: Frasier's apartment. Everyone is playing charades as Frasier and the others come in. Roz: Time! Frasier: Here's the ice! Here, Noel, put that in the kitchen, will you? Noel: Sure. Frasier: Come on in, everybody. You know, Dad, I've done the silliest thing. I went out without my wallet. They gave me the ice, but I have to go back and pay them. Roz: No, at least stay and play the last round of charades with us. Frasier: Actually, I should be getting back there... Daphne: You love [pronounced charhade:]charades. Martin: [pronounced as spelt] Charades. Daphne: Shut up. Anyway, it's not going to kill them, to wait a few minutes for their money. Bulldog: Come on, be on our team. We really suck at this game. Roz: Noel, you're on our team. The category is famous play titles. [She takes a slip.] Noel: I'm a bear at charades. Martin: Ready? All right, go! Daphne: Three words. Roz makes a vague gesture. Daphne: Morning. Noel: Morning Becomes Electra! Roz: Yes! Bulldog: What? Martin: Four seconds? Everyone on Roz's side of the room throws up their hands and does a victory dance. Frasier: Well, well done Roz! Nice playing with you, I'm out of here. Roz: Hey, wait a minute. You've got to take a turn. Frasier: What, really? Roz: You've got thirty seconds to prepare. Frasier: Oh, all right. Maybe I'll just...prepare in the kitchen! [He rushes to the kitchen and dials his cell phone.] Tricia! You know, you're going to laugh when you hear this. Hello? Tricia? Oh, fine. [He reads the slip of paper.] Ha, ha, "The Iceman Cometh"! CUT TO: the living room. Frasier: [coming out of the kitchen] All right. Roz: Ready? OK, go. [Frasier begins gesturing.] Martin: Three words. First word, small word, arm, in, of, to, be. Bulldog: It, it, I, you, me. Martin: They, them, us, we, he, she. Bulldog: Ok, forget about it. Second word, two syllables. First syllable cold, chilly, freezing, winter,. Martin: Snow, sleet hail, frost, frostbite, gangrene. Frasier: Gangrene?! Roz: No talking allowed. Bulldog: Second syllable. Shrink. Doctor. Dork. Martin: Person, guy, male, man. Bulldog: Let's see, icy cold man...iceman...got it! Frasier: Thank you! Bulldog: Frosty the Snowman! Frasier: No, you jackass! The Iceman Cometh! Roz: Disqualified. Frasier: You two are the worst charades players I've ever seen in my entire life! My God, those skating chimps could... Well, you did your best, we'll get it next time. Off I go... Roz: No, wait, wait, wait Frasier, we still have one little consolation prize for you. Daphne brings out the birthday cake and they all begin singing. All: Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Daphne: Look, he's crying! All: Happy birthday dear Frasier, happy birthday to you. Frasier, unable to get away, is almost sobbing. FADE OUT. ...AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SCREAM Scene 3 - In Front of Tricia's Apartment Fade in. Tricia is coming out of the door with her bag. Frasier pulls up in his car. Frasier: Made it! Tricia: Boy, are you wrong. Frasier: Oh, Tricia, please... Tricia: Save it, Frasier. I have a plane leaving for Spokane in An hour, my cab is on its way, so why don't you just be on your way, too? Frasier: Would it make any difference if I told you I had to sneak out of a birthday party being given for me by my own father just to be here with you? Tricia: Yeah, right. It's your birthday. Frasier: [pulling out his license] Look, if you don't believe me, here, just see for yourself. In fact, it's turning out to be the worst birthday party I've had since I was eight, when I pinned the tail on Sally Anunsiato. She shoved a cupcake down my shorts. Tricia: Wow, you really blew off your own birthday party just to come meet me. Frasier: I would have done almost anything to get to know you better. Tricia: Well, that's very sweet, Frasier, and I wish I had more time, but I have an 8 AM appointment in Spokane, and I can't miss my plane. Frasier: Well, I could drive you. Tricia: But it's only twenty minutes to the airport, it's hardly worth it. Frasier: I wasn't talking about the airport. Tricia: What? Frasier: I could have you in Spokane in six hours. That'll certainly give us enough time to get acquainted. Tricia: Oh, no, I can't ask you to do that. Frasier: But you didn't ask. I offered. Look, I want to do it, here. [He grabs her bag and puts it in his car.] Tricia: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Frasier: [opening the door for her] Well, the way I see it, one of two things can happen. Either we'll discover that we've foolishly built each other up in our own imaginations because we've had so much trouble getting together; or, this could end up being a story we tell our grandchildren. Personally, I can't wait to find out which. Tricia: Me either. [She gets in.] Frasier: [running around to his side] Oh, boy! [He gets in.] Well, off we go. DISSOLVE TO: the interior of the car as they head down the road. Tricia turns on the radio. Tricia: I thought I'd find us a little background music. Frasier: Good idea. Looking for some more opera? Tricia: Heck, no. The one the other night was my first and last. I was dragged to it by one of my converts. [She stops on a country-western station.] There we go. Frasier: Converts, you say? Tricia: Mm-hmm. I'm one of the Truth bringers. I was ordained by Brother Carmichael himself, the evangelist? I go door to door, spreading his word. Listen, do you mind my asking something? Have you heard the Truth? Frasier: Something tells me I'm about to. CUT TO: the road, Frasier's car heading away to the strains of country music. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is standing at the buffet with Karl. Karl points to something and shows Niles how to eat it. Niles tries, but as soon as Karl turns his back he pulls it out and puts it back on the tray. When Karl turns around again, Niles nods appreciatively, then pulls out his handkerchief and wipes his tongue off.

Frasier arrives 45 minutes late for a meeting at Café Nervosa with Tricia, a young woman he met at the opera. He grovels and suggests lunch the next day at Le Petit Bistro, and she agrees before dashing off. The next day, his car breaks down and he misses the second date with Tricia, but leaves an apologetic message offering any other time if she will only give him one more chance. She calls and says she is leaving town that evening for Spokane . While trying to see her before she leaves town, Frasier has many things get in his way, including a surprise party for his birthday thrown by Martin and Daphne. He finally meets Tricia outside her apartment and offers to drive her to Spokane, but is dismayed to find that she is a member of a cult.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_03x19

fd_Gilmore_Girls_03x19_0

3.19 - Keg! Max! OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the couch] LORELAI: Oh, I know! How about . . .no. RORY: No, no, you can't keep doing that. You can't just start a thought and then say no. Finish them or don't start them at all. LORELAI: You're very totalitarian today. RORY: No, it just drives me crazy. It's like if you do "shave and a haircut" without the last part, you know? LORELAI: Come on, do it. RORY: Will you stop giving me half-finished thoughts? LORELAI: I promise. Come on, do it. RORY: Two bits. LORELAI: Thank you. RORY: Now what were you thinking? LORELAI: Pizza and TV. RORY: That's our fallback. LORELAI: That's why I said not, I remembered it was our fallback. RORY: When did we become so old and pathetic? LORELAI: Hey, hey, we're neither. We're momentarily stuck on what to do tonight. RORY: It's a Friday night. We should be out, I don't know, partying with the homies. LORELAI: Our Stars Hollow homies are all in bed by now. RORY: Not Kirk. He'll be playing video trivia at the pizza place. We could go and watch. LORELAI: Okay, we're old and pathetic. How did it come to this? RORY: Well, it's our first Friday night that we haven't had to go to Grandma and Grandpa's for dinner. LORELAI: I cannot for the life of me remember what we did before we started doing those. RORY: It feels like a million years ago. [Rory walks over to get the phone] LORELAI: Ooh, who are you calling? RORY: It just feels weird for me not even to say hello to them on a Friday night. LORELAI: No, don't call them. RORY: Hey, this rift is between you and them. I'm still on friendly terms. LORELAI: I know, it's just that they're probably sitting there eating alone, shivering in an unheated room, the only illumination a single light bulb just so they can make us feel spectacularly guilty at the thought. RORY: [on phone] Hey Grandpa, it's Rory. . . Rory. LORELAI: He's pretending not to remember you? RORY: No, it's loud there. LORELAI: Loud? RORY: What's going on there? RICHARD: Oh, we're having a party. RORY: A party? LORELAI: A party? RICHARD: Sort of a last minute thing. Couldn't get too big a crowd here. I think we wound up with 55 or 60, something like that. RORY: 60 people. RICHARD: Oh, here come the mushroom caps everybody! RORY: There's singing and mushroom caps. LORELAI: I am appalled by this. RORY: Sounds like a lot of fun. RICHARD: Oh, it is. Oh, now, your grandmother would come and say hello, but she's in the next room dancing with Lloyd Sandstone. Watch where you put those hands, Lloyd. RORY: A guy named Lloyd is feeling up Grandma. LORELAI: You're making this up. RORY: Well, um, I'll let you go, okay? RICHARD: Okay. Now, you're coming to visit after school on Monday, aren't ya? RORY: Yes, I'll see you then. RICHARD: Ah, can't wait. Bye now. [they hang up] RORY: The Gilmore house is partying like it's 1999. LORELAI: And here it's "At Home with The 700 Club." RORY: Well, we didn't tell them to stop living their lives. LORELAI: How could they bounce back so quickly? RORY: I don't know, but bounce they did. LORELAI: Okay, they win this time. But we've gotta think of something super big and fantastic and cool for next Friday night, okay? RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Now think. RORY: Mushroom caps sound really good. LORELAI: Sh. RORY: Sorry. [opening credits] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai is sitting at the counter playing with her camera. Rory walks in] RORY: Hi. LORELAI: Say cheese. [takes a picture] I love my little digital camera. I wanna marry it. RORY: Do you ever wanna put it away? LORELAI: Oh, you'll hurt little DigitalDan's feelings. RORY: Sorry, D.D. LORELAI: [takes another picture] Gotcha! Oh, no, wait. Oh, missed. [to customer next to Rory] Got a good one of you, though. Nice cheekbones. RORY: So, could you focus on something non-photographic for a second? LORELAI: Aw, I'll try. RORY: I was asked to pass this along to you. [hands Lorelai an envelope] LORELAI: Something from Chilton? You've been dipping girls' hair in the inkwells again? RORY: Read it and see. LORELAI: [reads letter] "Dear Ms. Gilmore, with your daughter's final days of Chilton fast approaching, yours are, too." Hm, not feeling the love here. Yadda, yadda, yadda. "The Booster Club could use your help. We would greatly appreciate - " Greatly's underlined three times. Trying to emphasize the word there. Got it, guys. Thanks. " - your involvement, especially in light of your previous paucity of participation." Ooh, they got me with alliteration and an obscure word. RORY: The bastards. LORELAI: I've been summoned to duty. RORY: Sounds like it. LORELAI: I feel like I should pack my rucksack, kiss my loved ones goodbye. RORY: So, don't do it, then. LORELAI: Yeah, you're as good as outta there. Yale's grabbed you. It's too late. We don't need anything from Chilton. RORY: Except my graduation tickets. LORELAI: We already got 'em. RORY: But we need extras. I just put in the request, and it's up to them now. LORELAI: So we do need one kind of big thing. RORY: And then there's my diploma. LORELAI: You'll get your diploma at graduation. RORY: No, I get my diploma holder at graduation. LORELAI: Do you think they would withhold your diploma based on my participation paucity? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: Oh man, I'm screwed. I guess I gotta do it. [Luke walks over] LUKE: Hey guys. [Lorelai takes a picture of him] LUKE: Was that necessary? LORELAI: Oh man, you do not photograph well. LUKE: What? LORELAI: You've been getting some sleep, brother? 'Cause that's forty miles bad running. LUKE: I wasn't ready. Plus, it was a bad angle. Plus, this is a harsh light. A soft light would help with the thing with the eyes. LORELAI: Look who knows what light he looks best in. LUKE: You ready to order? LORELAI: I'm gonna take a picture of the menu and then order off the camera. LUKE: Yell when she's tired of the thing. RORY: Give it time. LORELAI: Now I'm gonna zoom in on just the breakfast meats. RORY: Go to town. CUT TO LORELAI'S GARAGE [The band is practicing. Rory and Jess are watching] ZACH: Whoa, cool. DAVE: We all finished at the same time. LANE: That has never happened. BRIAN: The middle of that song didn't even sound like us. DAVE: Yeah, it sounded good. RORY: It sounded great, guys. All of it. Didn't it? JESS: Not too shabby. DAVE: We are so ready for this gig. LANE: We've got a gig. I just love the sound of that. JESS: Where is it? LANE: Kyle from school. His parents are going to Marriage Encounter for the weekend so he's throwing this mondo party. JESS: You got enough songs? DAVE: We have enough for two half-hour sets. What we need is a name. BRIAN: I made my suggestion. ZACH: Yeah, and we vetoed "The Harry Potters." Next. BRIAN: So yours is better? ZACH: "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is memorable and classy. BRIAN: I run out of breath every time I say it. ZACH: You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name. DAVE: Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses. BRIAN: Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is too long. ZACH: Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD. DAVE: Do you guys have any suggestions? RORY: Oh, we wouldn't dare. BRIAN: Hey Lane, how are you gonna play a party like this with your mom being so strict? LANE: Easy. Rory and Jess are gonna deliver my drums to Kyle's house for me, then my friend Young Chui is going to pick me up to take me to a fictional Seventh Day Adventist bowling party that will conveniently last the length of our gig. ZACH: Nice going. BRIAN: I've got my own ball and shoes. ZACH: Dude, don't tell people that. RORY: See you guys. JESS: Yeah, see ya. BAND: Bye. BRIAN: How about "The We"? ZACH: We? BRIAN: Yeah. We are "The We." ZACH: I can't talk about this anymore. [Rory and Jess walk out of the garage] RORY: So, any word on your car? JESS: Nothing. RORY: You'd think someone would've found it. It was pretty one of a kind. JESS: It's probably holed up in some chop shop. Say goodbye, it's gone. Whatever. Let's talk about something else. RORY: I like that you're getting to know Dave a little. JESS: Yeah, he's a cool guy. RORY: Good. It's going to make the four of us going to prom together even more fun. JESS: Ah, yes, I almost forgot about the prom. RORY: No, you were trying to forget about the prom. JESS: I agreed to go and I am a man of my word. RORY: How's that arm I twisted? JESS: I got the feeling back in it. RORY: It's just if there was one more dance I wanna go to in my whole life, it'd be the Stars Hollow High prom, with Lane. That's a big part of it. JESS: I'm getting the tickets this week. RORY: And I'll pay, okay? JESS: Not a chance. RORY: It means a tux, you know. I know it's geeky. JESS: Tuxes are also James Bond. That's not geeky. RORY: You're kind. JESS: And going to stash a change of clothes in the limo. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN [Luke is on the floor examining the wall behind the stove as Sookie looks on. Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Yeah? LORELAI: I need love and a hug. I just had to lay off Julio. SOOKIE: Oh, poor thing. LORELAI: That's the third one today. All I'm doing is crushing people's spirits. SOOKIE: But you told them that we all love them and will hire them back as soon as all the repairs are done. LORELAI: And I gave them their severance checks and they were all very gracious, which made it that much harder. SOOKIE: We're gonna get 'em back. It'll all be good again. LORELAI: I had to lay off Frank, too, but I just couldn't do another one, so Michel offered to do it. SOOKIE: Did he say he'd be nice? LORELAI: Yes, and then he skipped off to do it. SOOKIE: Oh, boy. LORELAI: So, what's going on with Luke here? SOOKIE: I don't know. I've been keeping my distance because of what happened. LORELAI: What happened? SOOKIE: Well, he was lying on the floor pretty much like that, tinkering with stuff back there, and I got down and leaned in to see what he was doing, and after a while, I realized that the whole time, my hand was on his butt. LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: It was an accident. LORELAI: It's getting very Cinemax at night in here. SOOKIE: It was embarrassing. LORELAI: Uh huh. So, how was it? SOOKIE: His butt? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: It's got a nice shape to it. LUKE: Will you two stop talking about my butt? LORELAI: It's all positive. LUKE: And in bad taste. [Luke walks over to them] LORELAI: We'll just talk about it after you leave. LUKE: Which is now, because I'm done. LORELAI: So what's the prognosis? LUKE: It's the same as what the stove company told you. The wall back here is burned from the fire. You're gonna have to rebuild the whole thing before you can even think of reconnecting the gas. It's gonna take awhile, sorry. LORELAI: No, Luke, thanks for doing this. It's exactly what the contractor said. We just wanted a guy with a good butt's opinion. SOOKIE: Yeah, Tom has a terrible butt. LUKE: Please stop that. LORELAI: So Rory and I will see you Saturday for breakfast? LUKE: Actually, you won't. Nicole and I are going skiing and we're getting a ridiculously early start. LORELAI: That sounds fun. Why ridiculously early? LUKE: Because she has to drive in from her place in New York first because she can't stay at my place because of Jess. LORELAI: Hey, if you want, why don't you have her come in Friday night, you guys can stay here at the inn. It'll be on the house. LUKE: Nah, that's okay. LORELAI: No, do it, Luke. I mean, I know we have rooms available, and it's my way of saying thanks for parading that nice butt around here. LUKE: Geez. LORELAI: No kidding, really, it's a great butt. LUKE: Stop it. LORELAI: No, really, it's no problem. LUKE: Well, I don't know, maybe. Either way, thank for the offer. LORELAI: All right. I'll tell Michel to keep a room available in case you decide to do it. LUKE: Okay. See ya. LORELAI: Thanks, bye. [Luke leaves, Michel walks in] MICHEL: Did you know that Frank rescues Chow puppies? LORELAI: Uh, no. MICHEL: He feeds and houses them on his own dime 'til he finds an owner. We can't fire him. And they are so cute. [shows her a picture] Chin-Chin and Pau-Pau. Pau-Pau's the one with the squatty little nose. I took them both. LORELAI: Oh, okay, good job. MICHEL: I have to go buy dog food. Will you fire Frank for me? LORELAI: Sure thing. CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Lorelai is at a Booster Club meeting] TERRY: With that last function, we raised just enough to put us in the black, which got the school controller off our back, which is going to make our last endeavor that much easier. CARRIE: Haven't we already talked all this stuff to death? TERRY: Yes, but we need to fill in our last minute Booster Club add-ons here. LORELAI: You get the scary threatening letter? DOUG: Yup. TERRY: So, onto Grad Night, our last event of the year. JOAN: God, this year's gone by fast. CARRIE: I can't believe my Farrah's eighteen. DOUG: My kid was eighteen was she was ten. CARRIE: Men. DOUG: What? LORELAI: Lay low, Doug. They're setting traps. So, um, what are we doing this year? TERRY: We're throwing a big party on a yacht. LORELAI: Fun. TERRY: The party starts while it's in dock, then it sails for three hours and concludes with a fireworks show. CARRIE: How's the fundraising going? TERRY: Terrific. The last fashion show alone brought in half of what we need, and the bake sale today brought in way more than I expected. Oh, that reminds me. [pushes a box toward Lorelai] LORELAI: What's this? TERRY: Our cash box. You are the Grad Night treasurer. LORELAI: I'm the what? TERRY: Before you got here, we took a little vote and you won. LORELAI: Well, uh, maybe there should be a recount 'cause I stink with money. TERRY: The vote was unanimous. LORELAI: I was late, can we revote? CARRIE: Doug was late, too, and he was voted lead chaperone. DOUG: Goody. LORELAI: Come on, we can take 'em. CARRIE: It's really not a tough job, Lorelai. You just manage the cash, keep the simple books, it's easy. TERRY: Although, it does mean if you don't show up at our next meeting, we're going to assume you ran off with our money. LORELAI: No, no, I wouldn't do that. [Max walks into the cafeteria] MAX: Hello, ladies. Hope I'm not too late. Oh, and gentleman, sorry. CARRIE: Oh, Doug's one of the ladies now. MAX: Well, good to see you all. Terry, Carrie. Lorelai, good to see you. LORELAI: Yeah, good, same here. MAX: So, what'd I miss? TERRY: Nothing much. Lorelai's been made our Grad Night treasurer. MAX: You up to the challenge? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I'll watch the little box here. MAX: And let me guess, other than that, they've been picking on you mercilessly. DOUG: Pretty much. MAX: Well, I'm here to lend you gender support, my friend. So, Terry, why don't you continue? TERRY: Great. We were discussing Grad Night. MAX: The yacht. Sounds great. TERRY: Now, we've already spoken to six caterers, they're all excited to bid on the project, but a couple are so expensive that I know they'll price themselves out of the running. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorela and Sookie are walking through the town square] SOOKIE: Weird. Very weird. LORELAI: It's as if we had no history. He treated me the same as he treated what's her name and the overly coifed lady and the one who kept jiggling her leg the whole time. SOOKIE: Ugh, I hate that. LORELAI: It's like an earthquake. And he was so nonchalant. SOOKIE: So, standoff-y? LORELAI: No, he was just Max. And I wanted to hook up with after to talk, but very conveniently, he excused himself five minutes early for an appointment and I couldn't walk out early with him because I'm the stupid treasurer and it would look fishy. SOOKIE: They made you treasurer. Are they insane? LORELAI: I tried to tell them. And what's with this appointment nonsense? And no eye contact. SOOKIE: You mean he never once looked at you? LORELAI: Oh, he looked, but it was very lacking in meaning. SOOKIE: Were you looking at him meaningfully? LORELAI: No. I was trying to play it cool. SOOKIE: Well, there you go. He was doing the same thing. You were both James Dean-ing it, trying to keep it professional. LORELAI: No, he was not playing at it, I was. He was really it. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Cool. SOOKIE: Got it. LORELAI: So. . . SOOKIE: Maybe you two never kissed. LORELAI: Me and Max? Oh no, we kissed. SOOKIE: Maybe it was an illusion. LORELAI: It was not an illusion, Doug Henning. We kissed. SOOKIE: Don't be so sure because something like this happened to me when I was like ten. I was so into Leif Garrett and I fantasized about kissing him so much that at some point, I really thought it happened. LORELAI: I kissed Max, Sookie. SOOKIE: I can still feel Leif's lips on mine. LORELAI: I kissed him. SOOKIE: Well, what is Rory's take on all this? LORELAI: Oh, I told her about the kiss at first, but it's weird. I mean, he's back at Chilton and I'm back having some sort of involvement with her teacher. She's dealing with finals and everything. I don't wanna stress her out about this. SOOKIE: Lorelai, what's the ultimate thing here? Do you wanna get back together with him? LORELAI: I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling or what I'm looking for these days, and I hate that. 'Cause it's so wishy-washy, but it's true. I mean, technically, I'm still seeing Alex, although it's more intermittent than ever. I'm not even sure I wanna get back together with Max. The kiss just happened out of the blue. SOOKIE: The alleged kiss. LORELAI: Sookie, we kissed. SOOKIE: Okay, calm down. LORELAI: If I knew where Max was on all this, I would know better where I was. It's like when you go to a steak and lobster place, it's easier to know what you want once you know what your date wants. Like, you want steak if he's getting lobster, 'cause then you can share. Or if he's not, you can get surf and turf, though you risk looking like a pig, but some guys aren't turned on by a big appetite, and now I'm not just confused, I'm massively hungry. SOOKIE: Me, too. Maybe lunch will take your mind off it a bit. LORELAI: Hope so. SOOKIE: Are you sure there was really an Alex? LORELAI: Stop. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW HIGH [The principal is in his office. There's a knock at the door] PRINCIPAL: Come in. [Jess opens the door] PRINCIPAL: Well, well. Jess Mariano. What a pleasure. Sit down. JESS: I was just trying to buy prom tickets and they told me to go see you. PRINCIPAL: Sit down. So, the prom, huh? I wouldn't have taken you for someone who'd wanna go to the prom. JESS: My girlfriend wants to. PRINCIPAL: Oh, that's too bad. JESS: What, why? PRINCIPAL: Because you flunked out. JESS: I what? PRINCIPAL: You're not graduating, Jess. Prom tickets are for graduating seniors only. Guess your girlfriend's outta luck. JESS: Now wait a minute. I'm just a little behind. I can catch up, no sweat. PRINCIPAL: You can't, you missed too much. JESS: It hasn't been that much. PRINCIPAL: Thirty-one days you've been out. Cutoff's twenty. JESS: So that's it, just like that? PRINCIPAL: That's it. JESS: Thanks for the warning. PRINCIPAL: You mean the nine warning slips we gave you weren't enough? All the meetings that I tried to set up between you and your guidance counselor, between you and me that you blew off, that wasn't warning enough? JESS: I can catch up, I'm smarter than anyone here. PRINCIPAL: And humble, too. JESS: I can catch up, you'll see. PRINCIPAL: There's nothing to see, you're out. JESS: Fine, I'll take summer school if that's what you want. PRINCIPAL: Good, but it's not enough. You have to take the whole year over. JESS: The whole year? No way. PRINCIPAL: Then no diploma. JESS: At least let me go to the prom, what's the big deal? PRINCIPAL: We're done here. JESS: Come on. PRINCIPAL: You wanna talk about coming back next year, my door's open. JESS: I'm not gonna miss this place. PRINCIPAL: Vice versa. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai walks to the living room where Rory is getting ready to leave] LORELAI: No, no, it's impossible. RORY: What? LORELAI: I just counted the money in the cash box and I'm eighteen dollars short. RORY: Weren't you supposed to deposit all that at the bank? LORELAI: Uh, be judgmental later. Help me in my fiscal crisis here. RORY: Did you count the money when they gave it to you? LORELAI: Ah, I glanced at it. RORY: Boy, you are a sucky treasurer. LORELAI: The job was forced on me. RORY: Well, the cash box must've been short when you got it. LORELAI: Or maybe a burglar broke in here. That could've happened. RORY: A burglar who bypassed out TV, our stereo, and our jewelry and went straight for the Booster Club cash box and took eighteen dollars and left the rest? LORELAI: Some burglars are less greedy than others. RORY: Well, I'm out of answers. LORELAI: Great. I'm gonna have to put eighteen of my own dollars in to ward off suspicion. You're off to the party this early? RORY: Jess and I are helping the band set up. I do the cymbals. LORELAI: You're not taking your purse. RORY: I'm not? LORELAI: You don't need money, you don't need ID. RORY: Well, where will I keep my house key? LORELAI: You'll put your house key through the metal thingy on your belt. You'll only lose it if you take off your belt, and if you're taking off your belt for any reason at the party, I'm not sure I want you coming home. RORY: Brilliant. LORELAI: Uh, your shoes okay? You got good traction? RORY: Traction? LORELAI: Well, there'll be liquids of various textures and disgustingness. You eating there? RORY: Oh, if they have stuff. LORELAI: Do not eat chips out of a communal bowl. You might as well stick your hand in a toilet. RORY: Nice. LORELAI: If you're desperate, offer to be the person who replenishes them with new bags and grab a handful out of the new bag and dump the rest in the communal bowl. RORY: Got it. LORELAI: And keep in mind that getting up on a table and performing a song of any kind will haunt you for the rest of your life. Trust me. Been there, done that. RORY: I wasn't planning on doing that. LORELAI: Hm, those things are never planned. You going now? RORY: Yup. LORELAI: I'm going, too. I'll lock it up. RORY: Otherwise I'd have to undo my belt. Enjoy your Booster Club meeting. LORELAI: I will. Hey, hon? RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: I promised myself I wasn't gonna ask you about Max anymore considering the history and that he's back teaching you and all. . .and I'm gonna keep my promise. Good, huh? RORY: Very good. LORELAI: Okay, well, that's all I wanted to say. RORY: Okay. [they both leave] CUT TO KYLE'S HOUSE [The band is setting up before the party] DAVE: Does this set up feel right to everybody? LANE: Cool by me. BRIAN: Me, too. DAVE: How's it look out there? RORY: Like you're gonna bullet straight to the top of the charts, with a bullet or a - a gun's gonna shoot a bullet, and I'm not, uh, familiar with the precise terminology, but it's working, right? JESS: They look like a band to me. ZACH: You need to move back more. BRIAN: Why? ZACH: Because when I do my double jump kick off the amp with slashing windmills, I'm gonna need more room. LANE: Well, don't do that then. DAVE: Yeah, sounds a little too Milli Vanilli, Zach. BRIAN: And if I back up anymore, my extension cord might damage the miniature date palm. LANE: The what? BRIAN: It's what that's called. My aunt's got one. ZACH: Dude, don't call plants by their specific names, it's very not rock and roll. DAVE: Let's finalize the set list, guys. [Rory walks over to Kyle, who is putting breakable objects away in a box] RORY: Need any help hiding the valuables, Kyle? KYLE: Nope. We stashed the snow globes, hid the Lladros, now we're just packing up the Hummels. MARSHALL: Two to go. KYLE: Marshall, watch it! Boy with Toothache is mom's favorite. MARSHALL: Sorry. KYLE: Hey, did I hear the singer say something about a double jump kick? RORY: We'll talk him out of it. KYLE: Good. MARSHALL: Zealous Xylophonist, that's sweet. DAVE: Starting off with a slow tune won't work, Brian. ZACH: Yeah, man, it's so emo, it makes me sick. BRIAN: I was just playing devil's advocate. DAVE: Devil's advocate. ZACH: Not a bad name. [Two boys enter the house with a keg] BOYS: Keg! KYLE: That's my cousin Rick. He just turned twenty-one. Pretty awesome. RICK: Twenty-one, yeah! LANE: What is that, beer? ZACH: No, it's one of those milk kegs. BRIAN: Good one. LANE: There's beer, is that legal? DAVE: Well, apparently Rick is twenty-one. RICK: Twenty-one, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! DAVE: Or just really into that particular integer. LANE: Beer. ZACH: It's a party, Lane. What were you expecting, Tang? LANE: No, I guess not. KYLE: The carpet, guys. Lift it, lift it. RICK: Oh, we got it. KYLE: Marshall, go get towels to set it on. And not the good towels, the swim towels. [Young Chui walks up to the band] YOUNG CHUI: Anything I can help you with, guys? DAVE: Uh, we got it covered. Thanks, Young Chui. YOUNG CHUI: How about you, Lane? You need water or anything? DAVE: Uh, Young Chui, you should probably stay away from the band area. We got a lot of cords and stuff, and I don't want you to get electrocuted and die. YOUNG CHUI: Oh, okay. [walks away] DAVE: So, is he staying for the whole thing? LANE: He's got nowhere else to go. KYLE: These are the good towels. MARSHALL: These are the swim towels. KYLE: The swim towels have stripes and they're oversized. Now, come on, hurry. We still have to put away my dad's military icon collector plates. JESS: We're here a little early, don't you think? RORY: No, we're with the band. We're the roadies and the sound crew and I'm advising on makeup for Lane and I'm the keeper of Brian's sandwich and thermos. So we're busy backstage-type people. JESS: We're dork-early. RORY: Come on, get into the spirit of things. Hello Cleveland! JESS: Guess I'll wander around a little. [Zach jumps off the amp and knocks over the microphone] DAVE: And you couldn't even work your slashing windmills in. ZACH: Yeah, maybe I'll skip it. DAVE: Good thinking. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Lorelai walks past a group of guests and over to Michel at the front desk] LORELAI: Uh, Michel, are you okay? MICHEL: Do I look okay? LORELAI: Are those people waiting for a bellman? MICHEL: No, they're waiting for a unicorn to sing to a rainbow. Yes, a bellman. But there's only one because we had to lay off the others. And a maid called in sick, so not only am I dealing with answering phones and checking people in and out, but I'm going to have to do turn down service and carry people's bags to their rooms and. . . LORELAI: You're going to a bad place. Now just take a breath and go to a good place. MICHEL: Plus, I had to run home and play with my Chow puppies because the Chow book said they need love and stimulation or else they'll murder you later on. And Pau-Pau had fallen in her water bowl and was soaking wet so I had to blow dry her and. . . LORELAI: Okay, the nice place, and I can stay and help a little bit, okay? MICHEL: She could've drowned. I'm a bad daddy. LORELAI: Pau-Pau's fine. Just watch the desk, get the bellman back here. I'll do turn down. MICHEL: [to guest checking in] Have you ever seen Chow puppies? You want to eat them up. CUT TO KYLE'S HOUSE [Rory walks up to Jess] RORY: They're getting ready to go on. They're all hyperventilating to the same rhythm, so that's a positive sign. What are you looking at? JESS: The happy family. Kinda depressing if you ask me. RORY: Oh, Mr. Sunshine. You're spreading so much joy around, you're embarrassing yourself. You've got to get a little more moody. JESS: I'll try. RORY: Let's look around a little bit. JESS: Okay. [they walk past a crying girl] Seems a little early for that. RORY: It never is. JESS: Bathroom line. RORY: Figures. [they walk into the kitchen; some boys are standing around the keg] JESS: Hey. What's up with you guys? KYLE: Stupid keg. MARSHALL: It's not working. JESS: Where's the tap? KYLE: The what? JESS: It's a keg, it's sealed. You need to hook up a tap to pump the beer out. KYLE: I told you the thing in the bag did something. RICK: [pulls the tap out of a bag] No instructions. JESS: Jeez. [he attaches the tap to the keg] There, start pumping. MARSHALL: All right. To Jess! KYLE: To Jess. RICK: To Jess. JESS: Yeah. KYLE: Yeah. RORY: You and Springsteen, the working man's hero. [they walk up to the band] RORY: You ready to go on, guys? DAVE: Only if Brian rallies. RORY: What's wrong, Brian? BRIAN: I don't feel good. DAVE: It's his heartburn again. ZACH: I told you, dude, it's your citrus intake. Stop eating oranges. [Lane walks up to Rory] LANE: Rory. Uh, you've gotta do me a big favor. RORY: Name it. LANE: Young Chui's driving me crazy. RORY: What do you want me to do? LANE: Uh, if you see any unattached girls who you think would go for a very available, uh, needy, self-delusional guy, send 'em Young Chui's way. RORY: I'll keep a lookout. DAVE: Lane. LANE: Oh my God, this is it. RORY: Knock 'em dead. DAVE: Brian, you with us? BRIAN: I have completely forgotten how to play the bass. ZACH: Perfect. DAVE: Brian, you're just nervous. Take a deep breath and use your inhaler. ZACH: Yeah, and don't forget that the hair and fingernails on John Entwistle's body were still growing when they brought in his replacement. BRIAN: You're gonna replace me? DAVE: We're not gonna replace you. Just relax and let the music flow through you. RICK: Come on, let's go! GIRL: Yeah, come on - rock and roll! LANE: Zach, start. DAVE: Wait, wait, someone's gotta introduce us. Rory, introduce us. RORY: Me? Why me? RICK: Come on, let's go! MARSHALL: Yeah, crank it! DAVE: Go, go. RORY: All right. Uh, now, who wants to hear some tunes? [the crowd cheers] Okay, good, there's a consensus. Here they are, Stars Hollow's rockingest band. Although they're not all from Stars Hollow, but they, um, they practice there, so we kind of consider them our own. Here they are. . .[to the band] What's your name? ZACH: "Follow them to the Edge of the Dessert." DAVE: "The Chops." "Follow them to the Edge of the Dessert." ZACH: "The Chops." [Rory mumbles into the microphone and walks away. The crowd cheers and the band starts playing] CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Lorelai knocks on a guest room door] LUKE: Yeah? LORELAI: Turn down. LUKE: Come on in. [Lorelai walks into the room] LORELAI: Hello there. This won't take long. Luke. LUKE: Lorelai. LORELAI: What are you doing here? LUKE: You invited us, remember? LORELAI: Us? [Nicole walks out of the bathroom] LORELAI: Oh, hey. Hi Nicole. There's the "us". NICOLE: Hi, Lorelai. LORELAI: I don't usually do this turn down service. I mean, I did when I started many moons ago, but that's when I was a maid. Wow, you guys are here. LUKE: You didn't know? LORELAI: No. I mean, I remember inviting you. It's great that you're here. Um, but when I told Michel I would do the turn down service, it must've slipped his mind that you were here. Pau-Pau fell in her water dish. LUKE: What? LORELAI: Never mind. I'll just do this and get out of your way. LUKE: Hey, you don't have to. NICOLE: Yeah, Lorelai, really, we can do all this. LORELAI: No, you are our guests and you deserve to get what you're paying for. LUKE: We're not paying. LORELAI: No, no, but this is where you start paying - in sweat. LUKE: What? NICOLE: Fame, right? LORELAI: Yeah, Debbie Allen. In sweat. I just loved how she said that. Let's see. . .uh, you need towels. LUKE: You can just give 'em to me. LORELAI: Okay, here are your towels. And, let me see. . . oh, I'll draw your curtains closed. What else, what else? It's been a little while since I've done this. Oh, do you want a fire? LUKE: I don't know. Nicole? NICOLE: Uh, a fire would be nice. LORELAI: Okay, I'll light it for you. We have these new log bags now, makes it real easy. Uh, okay. [tries to light the fireplace] So, nothing like a fire on a cold night like this, huh? LUKE: Mm. LORELAI: Hm, I'm not having much luck here. And, uh, you know what, we laid off the person who was able to light these things no problem, now we can't light these things, and ironically we laid him off because of a fire. LUKE: It's okay, forget it. I can light it. LORELAI: Okay. What else, let's see. Oh, um, well, turn down. I need to turn down the bed. LUKE: Really, Lorelai. LORELAI: No, no, no. Up, up, up. Okay, I'll get ya all settled here, nice and comfy. Great lines with these covers here. Pillows, nice and plump. And a couple of pillow mints. There you go, now you're all ready to. . .uh, you're all ready for your evening. LUKE: Fine, good, that's good. NICOLE: Yes, great, Lorelai. LORELAI: Well, you're all set. Just call if you need anything, and have fun. CUT TO KYLE'S HOUSE [The band finishes up a song and the crowd cheers] DAVE: Okay, thanks. Uh, we're gonna take a short break and then we'll be back. RORY: Guys, that was amazing. Really, it was awesome. DAVE: Thanks. ZACH: Dude, you did good, you really did. But you got a little too close to me when you were singing into the mike. BRIAN: I got as close as I had to. ZACH: Your nose touched my cheek, man. That's too close. LANE: Guys, come on, just be happy. We played and we didn't suck, right? DAVE: Yeah, it was good. KYLE: Come on, let's spread the word. All drinks on coasters, please. MARSHALL: Hey, the coasters are there to be used. LANE: Dave, what's wrong? I mean, we totally rocked. DAVE: We sounded great. LANE: Then what is it? DAVE: It's this Young Chui thing. It's driving me crazy. LANE: Why? DAVE: Why? Lane, when are you. . .when are you gonna break up with him? LANE: It's complicated. Young Chui's very sensitive right now. DAVE: I'm sorry, but I don't care. LANE: If you got to know him, you'd understand. DAVE: I don't want to get to know him. I just want him to do his part and break up with you so that I can take you to your prom. He's acting like he's in love with you or something. LANE: Well. . . DAVE: Oh, no. Is he? LANE: Kind of. DAVE: Kind of? LANE: Apparently, totally. DAVE: Young Chui is in love with you and that's why he won't break up with you, so that he gets to take you to your prom. And he knows that your mom likes him and that we're running out of time. LANE: No, we're not out of time. DAVE: The prom's in two weeks. LANE: I'll make it happen, I swear. DAVE: It's too late. I'll see you for the next set. [walks away] LANE: Dave. [cut to Rory and Jess] JESS: So, what now? RORY: What do you mean, what now? JESS: Let's go, let's get out of here. RORY: Go where? JESS: Anywhere. RORY: It's early. JESS: It's boring. RORY: Jess, we can't just go. JESS: Yes, we can. RORY: The band's playing a whole other set. JESS: They can do it without us. RORY: I don't wanna leave. Now, come on, try to have fun. Talk, mingle. JESS: I don't wanna talk to anybody else. I don't like anybody else. RORY: I don't wanna leave. I need to stay here for Lane, come on. Gloomy. JESS: We'll go right when they get done playing, okay? RORY: Sure, Grandpa. JESS: Rory. RORY: We'll go then, I promise. KYLE: Hey, you drop a chip, you pick it up. It's common courtesy folks. CUT TO LATER AT THE PARTY [Rory and Jess run into Dean and Lindsay] RORY: Hi guys. DEAN: Hey. LINDSAY: Hey. RORY: So, Lindsay, what did you think of Lane's band? LINDSAY: I liked 'em. Although I didn't recognize most of the songs. DEAN: She's not a music freak like you. RORY: Well, we all can't be freaks. DEAN: True. RORY: So what kind of music do you like? LINDSAY: I don't know. . .uh, Michelle Branch, Matchbox 20. JESS: Jeez. RORY: I like them, too. I mean, I like all kinds of things. LINDSAY: You used to go to our school. RORY: He still goes. DEAN: Really? I haven't seen you around much. JESS: What are you, the attendance monitor? I'm gonna go see what the hell's holding up this line. [walks away] RORY: He's not feeling well. LINDSAY: That's too bad. DEAN: Uh, well, we'll see you later. LINDSAY: Bye. RORY: Bye. [cut to Lane in another room] MARSHALL: Hey, Lane. There's some guy looking for you. LANE: Good, where? [he points across the room to Young Chui, who waves to Lane; Lane walks to the kitchen] KYLE: Oh, oh, and the part where Gimli the Dwarf is riding his horse, then Legolas grabs the front straps and swings himself up on top of it. RICK: Dude, dude, that was awesome! LANE: Any more left in that thing? KYLE: Plenty. Foam or no foam? LANE: Anything you hand me, Kyle, I'm downing. [he hands her a cup of beer and she takes a sip] LANE: Very refreshing. KYLE: Oh, oh, and at the end when the tree is on fire and then he puts himself out in the flood. Oh! CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Lorelai walks in for the Booster Club meeting] LORELAI: Hi, sorry I'm late. Actually, I'm not late. I was right on time, but then I remembered I left the cash box in the car. I mean, I was not used to having to carry a cash box. So I went back and got it, and I was carrying it by the handle and the stupid thing flew open and money flew everywhere, and I may have lost eighteen bucks in the process. Anyway, here I am. So where's Doug? TERRY: I believe we scared Doug away. CARRIE: I love scaring the Dougs away. JOAN: So, you were telling us about these ridiculous dock fees. TERRY: Right. We got what was supposed to be a final quote from the yacht owner, who then remembers he failed to mention an exorbitant dock fee. JOAN: Unbelievable. TERRY: And I don't wanna pay. I made some calls and I have several suggestions on how to get around it. Oh, but first, let me bring in a student from the senior class who wanted to give her own thoughts about the yacht trip. Come on in. [Paris walks into the cafeteria] CARRIE: [quietly] Oh no. JOAN: [quietly] Paris Gellar. PARIS: Ladies, thank you for seeing me. I know you're busy with work and have families to get home to, so I really appreciate your courtesy, and I'll make it brief. Having Grad Night on a yacht is the worst idea since Neville Chamberlain told the people of England, "Hey, don't worry about Hitler. He's a stand-up chap." Forget the inconvenience of being at sea with guests unable to leave if the party is dull or if the band, which will inevitably be composed of accountants with semi-mullets, decides to do a half-hour tribute to Kenny G. The seasickness factor alone, abetted by snuck-in flasks and badly cooked food, could lead to an epidemic, which may lead to lawsuits the school could ill afford. These points conclusively call for a change in venue to a hotel ballroom, a restaurant facility, several of which I've already called. Here are the results of my research. I've also included a list of maritime disasters from the past fifty years -- capsizings, onboard fires, et cetera -- and trust me, it'll put you off your lunch. Thank you for your time and cooperation. [leaves] TERRY: So, my thought is to discuss these yacht fees directly with the yacht owner first. JOAN: Absolutely. [a woman walks in] BARBARA: Hello everyone, sorry I'm late. TERRY: Oh, that's okay. BARBARA: I'm Barbara Epstein, I teach drama, and I'll be your faculty rep tonight. TERRY: Welcome Barbara. BARBARA: I just left Max Medina, he filled me in on everything that you're doing here. TERRY: Good, then we'll get a running start. We're dealing with a fee that we do not wanna pay for this yacht. LORELAI: Keep going, girls. I just need. . .um, I'll be right back. TERRY: Okay. LORELAI: Joan, you gotta watch the cash box. JOAN: Will do. [Lorelai leaves. In the hallway, she walks up to janitor] LORELAI: Oh, sorry. Um, nearest bathroom? [he points] That way, huh? I'm gonna go this way. I think the farthest one is the one I'm looking for. I told a friend I'd meet her there, so I'll just go. . . [she walks down the hall and sees Max inside a classroom. She opens the door.] LORELAI: Gotcha. MAX: You sure did. LORELAI: Bad time? MAX: Kind of. [she walks in] LORELAI: Busy? MAX: Real busy. LORELAI: You're avoiding me. MAX: No, I'm not. LORELAI: Then what's with the 'I'm busy' thing? MAX: I can't be busy? LORELAI: Ah, but that's avoiding me, saying you're busy. MAX: No, it's descriptive of my current state. These essays are due back tomorrow, I'm way behind on my reading, so I'm eating my day-old vending machine at my desk in my futile attempt to try and catch up. LORELAI: Two rotations. MAX: What? LORELAI: It's in the Booster Club bylaws, my friend. I looked it up myself. Faculty advisors are supposed to do a minimum of two consecutive rotations with the Booster Club and you did only one. MAX: I did three. LORELAI: What? MAX: I did three. You went to my third one. I did the previous two you weren't at. LORELAI: I'm assuming you have documentation? MAX: Lorelai. LORELAI: With Lorelai Gilmore, it's trust but verify. MAX: Well, I'm sure I can scrounge up a witness. LORELAI: Why did you treat me so weird at that last meeting? MAX: I treated you with respect and kindness. LORELAI: That's why it was weird. It's how you treated Terry and Joan, too. I mean, did you also kiss Terry and Joan? MAX: Yeah, I did. And Doug. He was the best of the three. LORELAI: Max. MAX: I was playing it cool. You were, too. I was just following suit. LORELAI: No, I was playing it cool because you were playing it cool. And I'm the treasurer and the treasurer has to be cool or it just looks suspicious. MAX: Wait, wait, wait. Ten feet. LORELAI: Ten feet? MAX: That's a safe distance for us, and the more furniture in between, the better. LORELAI: I'm not gonna attack you. MAX: I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me. I mean, there are people still walking the halls and this is my workplace and I can't be held responsible for what I do around you. I mean, you are like a - like a - like a mythological creature that casts some kind of spell on me and makes me act stupid. I'm not stupid. I don't act stupid with anyone else. Uh, we're too close again. LORELAI: Okay, I didn't bring a frickin' tape measure. I'm not good at judging distances. You'll have to help me out with the ten feet thing. MAX: Well, it's a little bigger than a basketball player. Just keep a really big basketball player between us. LORELAI: Wow, I bet there's a sentence that's never been uttered before. MAX: There are other complications with this whole thing, you know. Just thought I'd tell you. LORELAI: What other complications? MAX: I was seeing someone in California. There, I said it. LORELAI: You mean, you weren't living like a Trappist monk while you were in California? I'm shocked. MAX: That doesn't bother you? LORELAI: Max, we weren't together. I mean, I have been seeing someone, too. MAX: Well, I would probably still be seeing Diane if I hadn't moved back here. That's something to think about. LORELAI: So you can't date anyone for the rest of your life because if you'd stayed in California, which you didn't, you might still be dating Diane? MAX: Yes. No. Ugh! LORELAI: Do you want an aspirin? I probably have a. . .Tic Tac. Sorry, I shouldn't have teased you with that aspirin thing. MAX: You know, I thought we were both going to just pretend to ignore the kiss. Wasn't that the deal? LORELAI: We had a deal? I don't remember a deal. MAX: You had your shot, okay? You had the ring and you said no. LORELAI: Yes, I did. And you said that that was right for you, too. You went to Stanford, you dated Diane, it was right for both of us. MAX: Well, what is this, now, right here? LORELAI: It's us. Tada. MAX: Well, us needs to stay apart. LORELAI: Oh, Max, we had a whole country between us for a year. That's like eleven-thousand basketball players lying end to end, and yet, here we are. We can't avoid each other. MAX: I thought I was over you. I thought it was safe to come back here, but no, not the deal. I just, I think we should stay apart and never see each other ever again. LORELAI: That's impossible. MAX: No, it's not. LORELAI: Well, I'll be at the Chilton graduation and so will you. MAX: Well, I'll sit behind a tree. LORELAI: We could run into each other at a drugstore again. MAX: Well, I'm gonna order all my drugs online. LORELAI: If my car breaks down next to yours, will you stop? MAX: I will stop, and keep my eyes straight forward, call a garage and then stay in my car with the radio on really loud 'til they come, and then I'm gone. And I say we start being apart right now. LORELAI: Okay. Whatever you want. MAX: This is what I want. And when I walk out that door, it could very well be the last time we see each other. LORELAI: Okay. I'll abide by your wishes. MAX: Goodbye, Lorelai. LORELAI: Goodbye, Max. [Max leaves the classroom and walks down the hall. As he walks by the other door from the classroom, Lorelai walks out and bumps into him.] LORELAI: You said you were leaving. MAX: My car is that way. LORELAI: Well, I have to go that way, too. MAX: After you. LORELAI: Two seconds, we've already run into each other. MAX: Doesn't count. CUT TO KYLE'S HOUSE [Rory walks over to Young Chui] RORY: Young Chui, have you seen Jess? YOUNG CHUI: Uh, I think I saw him go upstairs. Have you seen Lane? RORY: Not for awhile. She's probably with the band. Why don't you go see? YOUNG CHUI: Oh, I don't wanna lose these seats. RORY: Right, right. [in the kitchen, Lane is refilling her beer, Kyle is on the phone] KYLE: It's just me and Marshall, Mom, honest. . . okay, kiss Uncle Newtie for me. Bye. [hangs up] LANE: Hey Kyle. Mind if I use your phone there? KYLE: As long as it's local. LANE: Oh, it's local distance, yeah, don't worry. KYLE: Okay. [Lane picks up the phone and dials a number] LANE: [on phone] Hello, Mama? Hi, how are you doing tonight?. . .It's Lane. Yeah, Lane. . . Nothing's wrong. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good right now. Had a beer and a half, nice cold beer. And I just thought I'd tell you, I'm drumming in a band tonight at a party and we rocked. We were The Clash and Rage Against the Machine and Nirvana combined. And I'm in love with Dave Rygalski. He's my guy, not Young Chui. Young Chui's a ship in the night, Mama. Not even a ship, he's a little tugboat tooting along and I'm not gonna go to the prom with him, unh uh. I'm going with Dave, because we rock together, Mama. The charade is over. [Dave walks in and hangs up the phone] LANE: Hey. DAVE: What are you doing? LANE: What I should've done months ago, Davey. DAVE: That was not your mother. Tell me that wasn't your mother. LANE: Oh, that was the mother. I am liberated, my friend. DAVE: You're drunk. LANE: No, I'm. . .am I? DAVE: We're going on in five minutes. Can you even play? LANE: Oh, I can hit the sticks on those brums. DAVE: Great, great, but what about the drums? [walks away] LANE: Dave. [Rory walks upstairs and finds Jess sitting in an empty bedroom] RORY: There you are. JESS: Hey. RORY: I've been looking all over for you. JESS: Just got tired of everything down there. RORY: Are we allowed to be up here? I mean, Kyle was kind of discouraging it. JESS: When you have a party, you get what you get. RORY: Yeah, I guess. Sad boy, what's wrong? You were looking forward to this party, what happened? JESS: Nothing. RORY: Something did. Come on, tell me. [they kiss] You're not tired of me, are you? [they kiss again] That's a pretty good answer. [They kiss again, then start making out on the bed] RORY: Jess, wait. . . Jess, wait. . . Jess. [jumps up off the bed] JESS: Jeez. RORY: Not here, not now. JESS: Fine. RORY: What's wrong with you? JESS: Nothing's wrong with me. RORY: Someone could've walked in that door. JESS: And Santa Claus could come down the chimney, whatever. RORY: You did not think that it was going to happen like this, did you? JESS: I don't know what I think anymore. RORY: Jess. JESS: Rory, stop, just stop! I did not invite you up here, you came up here on your own! RORY: [starts to cry] I don't know what I did. [leaves room] JESS: You didn't do anything. Rory. . . [Rory walks down the staircase crying and Dean stops her] DEAN: Rory. Are you okay? RORY: Yes. No. I don't know. DEAN: Whoa, what happened? [Jess walks down the steps] JESS: Figures. [He walks away and Dean follows him] RORY: Dean, no. [Dean punches Jess and they start fighting throughout the house] RORY: Stop it, guys! Stop it! [Dave walks up to Young Chui] DAVE: Young Chui, we gotta talk. YOUNG CHUI: Don't touch me, Dave. DAVE: I'm not gonna touch you. I just think it's time you and I had a real talk about the Lane situation. YOUNG CHUI: Just a talk? DAVE: We'll keep it friendly, honest. [Dean and Jess burst through a door and knock Dave into Young Chui] YOUNG CHUI: Ah, get off me! DAVE: I'm trying. [Dean and Jess knock into the band equipment] ZACH: Bogus. [Some kids push Dean and Jess out onto the front lawn. Two boys pull them apart] RORY: Guys, just stop it! JESS: Let go of me! RICK: Cops. MARSHALL: Oh, no, man. Is that. . . KYLE: Boy with Toothache. MARSHALL: Oh, you're dead. [a police car pulls up to the house] OFFICER: Okay, dump your cups and go home. Now. RORY: Jess. . . [Jess leaves. Rory sees Lane throwing up in the bushes and walks over to her] RORY: Lane. . .

On their first free Friday night, Lorelai and Rory are at a loss over how to spend the evening, while Emily and Richard cavort at the party they're hosting; Lorelai is appointed Grad Night Treasurer and runs into a playing-it-cool Max at her first Chilton Booster Club meeting; Lane's band gets their first gig at a party and rocks the house, but Dave rocks Lane's world when he flips out after discovering that Young Chui is in love with her; a despondent Lane indulges in a little too much beer, and then drunkenly calls her mother and confesses all; when staff cutbacks at the Inn force Lorelai to do turn-down service, she becomes very unsettled at seeing a cozy Luke and Nicole in the room she's offered as thanks for Luke's help with repairs after the fire; Jess's inability to tell Rory that his frequent absences have caused him to flunk out of school and miss graduation and the prom prompts an argument between Jess and Rory, and then a full-blown brawl with Dean after Dean comes upon a tearful and distraught Rory.

fd_Angel_02x07

fd_Angel_02x07_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Angel re: Darla: "That's her!" Angel: "So you're what Wolfram and Hart brought back in that box - and they brought you back as human." Lindsey to Darla: "We don't want him dead - we want him dark." Wesley to Gunn: "There are forces that can make Angel revert to Angelus." Cordy: "He knows perfect happiness, he goes evil." Darla to Angel: "We were together 150 years!" Angelus spotting Dru: "The one in the middle." Darla: "She has the sight." Angelus: "She is pure innocence. We turn her into one of us." Darla to Angel: "The gypsies gave you a soul - a filthy soul! No!" Darla in the water tank: "I remember everything, Angel" Angel: "You have a soul now. Pretty soon those memories are gonna start eating away at you. Believe me, I know." Angel is sitting alone in his room sketching a portrait of Darla. Wesley hesitantly steps up to the open door behind Angel and looks in. Angel without looking up from his sketch: "What is it, Wesley?" Wesley: "It? - There is no it. - It's nothing, really. - Just popping around, seeing if everything's all right." Angel, still sketching: "Fine." Wesley: "Oh, good. Good. - You're certain?" Angel: "Uh-huh. Good night." Wesley: "Good night." Angel: "You're still here." Wesley hesitantly comes into the room: "Apparently. So, you're sure there is - nothing on your mind? - That is to say nothing you'd like to - perhaps (sees what Angel is drawing) - share?" Angel looks up at him for a moment: "No." Wesley: "Really." Angel looks up at him, then at what Wesley is looking at. The floor of the room is littered with papers, some crumpled up, others not, showing earlier attempts at drawing Darla. Darla is sitting slumped in a chair, moaning softly. Lindsey opens the door, takes his sunglasses off, walks in and looks around the room. The floor is littered with shards of the mirrors that used grace the walls. Darla: "Hello, Lindsey." Lindsey crouches down in front of her and looks at the cuts on her hands and wrists. Lindsey: "You're bleeding." Darla: "I guess I am." Lindsey: "Something happened?" Darla: "God, yes. So many things. I remember them all. Which one were you thinking of?" Lindsey: "It's too soon. (Pulls out a handkerchief to blot at her hands) We shouldn't have sent you to him. We should have waited." Darla reaches to brush the hair out of his face. Darla: "Lindsey. You never talk about yourself, Lindsey. You have a girlfriend? - Boyfriend? - Someone special?" Lindsey: "There is no one." Darla: "No. No, there really isn't, is there? You can be with someone for 150 years - think you know them. Still - doesn't work out. Angelus - why, you should have seen us together." Lindsey: "He was a different person then." Darla: "And so was I. - Now do you know what we've become?" Lindsey: "Enemies." Darla: "Oh no. - *Much* worse. - Now we're soul *mates*." Darla starts to laugh as Lindsey stares at her. Intro 1609, the Virginia Colony. The sun is shining on Darla as she is lying in bed. There are two veiled sisters standing at the foot of her bed watching as a doctor takes a leech from her arm. Darla: "Someone close the shutters. (One of the sisters does so) Seems wrong that I should die while the sun is still so bright." A hooded priest enters the room. Priest: "You'll not see it again. Before it sets, you will have left this life." Darla: "I didn't ask for a priest. Who invited him here?" Priest: "You did. You cried out for me last night in your delirium." Darla: "I don't remember. Do you even *know* what I am?" Man walks into the room: "A woman of some property. No husband, no inheritance. Yes. I know what you are." Darla: "I'm a whore." Priest: "Well, yes, that too. You should have asked for a priest long ago, child. Your life may have been the better for it." Darla: "And you should have paid me a visit before today, father. Your life may have been more interesting because of it." Priest: "Are you prepared now to renounce Satan and beg God his forgiveness?" Darla: "God never did anything for me." Priest to the others: "Leave us." The two sisters leave. Priest to the doctor still sitting at her bedside: "You can't save her life - perhaps I can still save her soul." The doctor gets up and leaves. Darla: "My soul is well past saving. Let the devil take me if he'll have me. Either way - I die." Priest: "No (The priest steps closer and pulls his hood back to reveal - the Master) you will not die. (Darla looks up at his inhuman face without flinching) You will be reborn." Darla: "I know you." The Master leans down and takes one of Darla's hands in his. Master: "I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window." Darla: "Hmm, I remember now. You're death?" Master: "No." Darla: "What then?" Master: "I'm you're savior. God never did anything for you - but I will." With that he leans down and sinks his fangs into her neck. Angel is sitting behind his desk at the Hyperion. Wesley and Cordy are sitting in a couple of chairs on the other side of it, while Gunn is hovering in the background. Cordy: "Am I the only one that thinks that this is just a really bad idea?" Angel: "We can't just sit here waiting for Wolfram and Hart to make a move. It's time we go ahead in the game." Cordy: "This won't involve kidnapping again, will it?" Angel: "All we gonna do is find her." Cordy: "And this would be the same woman you didn't notice was in your bedroom every night for like three weeks straight?" Angel: "That was different." Cordy: "Different in the sitting right on top of you sense, yeah." Wesley: "Cordelia has a point." Cordy: "Finally!" Wesley: "The last time Darla emerged she wanted to be found. Now she is out there among six million other people." Cordy: "She could be sitting on top of anybody." Angel: "Come on guys. We are a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at." Cordy: "That's what we suck at. Let's face it, unless there's a website called Oh-By-the-way-we-have-Darla-stashed-here.com, we're pretty much out of luck." Wesley: "It's not gonna be easy." Cordy gets up: "Before he said he could smell her. How about - we cruise around with the top down - and you take big whiffs? (No one says anything) Well, we'll wait until after the sun sets obviously." Gunn: "It's a big law firm. They've got to have housing for the out-of-towers, right?" Wesley: "Out-of-towners? It's not as if they flew her in from Miami. She was raised from the very depths of hell by an ancient and dangerous ritual." Gunn: "Yeah and? They still got to put her up, don't they? That's an expense. (Everyone stares at him) You're telling me these lawyers haven't figured out a way to write that off?" Cordy looks at Wesley, then turns to go. Cordy: "I'm gonna start digging into Wolfram and Hart's real estate acquisitions." Wesley following her: "Not just primary holdings, but subsidiary as well." Angel calls after them: "She'd want something with a view. (To himself) Darla always loved something with a view." 1760, London. Angelus is standing in front of the Master seated on a big carved chair. Master: "Angelus - the Latinate for Angel. (Laughs) It's marvelous." Darla, standing beside the Master: "His name would already be legend in his home village - had he left anyone alive there to tell the tale." Master, caressing Darla's hand: "Ah, you had a nice trip. I'm so glad." Darla: "On the way back we cut a bloody swath through South Wales and northern England. He was magnificent." Angelus: "Hmm, Yorkshire men - tough as leather. (The Master and Angelus both laugh at that remark) So, Darla here tells me you're some sort of Master." Darla: "The* Master. He commands out order." Master: "*The order of Aurelius. We are the select - the elite." Angelus folds his arms and surveys their surroundings. Angelus: "And you live in the sewers, do you?" The Master gives Darla's hand a pat and stands up. Master: "We live below, giving tribute to the old ones. Awaiting that promised day when we will arise -Arise! - and lay *waste* to the world above us." The Master laughs. Angelus: "Why'd you want to do that?" Master: "Huh?" Angelus: "Well, I mean, have you *been* above lately? It's quite nice. Me - I could never live in a rat infested stink hole - like this, if you'll pardon me for saying so. I got to have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror. (To Darla) Isn't that right love?" Darla to the Master: "He's young." Angelus: "And this one, down in the goose feathers, and the finest silks and linens and a view (Angelus comes around to Darla) she's always got to have the view (leans in close to her) don't you, my lamb?." Darla to Master: "We fed very recently. The blood is still hot in his veins." Angel in Darla's ear: "You noticed that, did you?" Master: "We stalk the surface to feed and grow our ranks. We do not live amongst the human pestilence!" Angelus: "I'll be honest, you really couldn't with that face, now could you?" Darla slaps his face: "Angelus!" Angelus laughs and drops into the Masters chair, left leg dangling over one of the armrests and takes a bit of snuff. Angelus: "It's not stuck like that now is it?" The Master leans in on him with a growl. Darla: "The Master has grown past the curse of human features." Angelus: "I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, huh? Am I?" Master: "Very few vampires are cunning enough to have lived as long as I have - which you've now (The Master grabs Angelus by the front of his coat and throws him across the room) demonstrated." Darla flinches as Angelus slides down the wall. Laughing, he gets back up, and keeps talking to Darla as if the Master wasn't even there. Angelus: "Naples, you and me Darla. What do you say?" The Master hits him with a hard right throwing him back against the wall. Darla: "Angelus..." Angelus just pushes himself off the wall and goes on as if nothing had happened: "This is no place for you - bound to the likes of him." Master: "You should show (Master hits Angelus over the head, dropping him to the ground) the proper respect." Angelus, now on all fours and breathing hard, still ignores the Master and talks only to Darla. Angelus: "You belong by my side - out in the world - feeding as we like - taking what we need. I'll give you that view you crave, darling. I'll give you everything." The Master knocks Angelus over onto his back. Angelus coughs than laughs again. Lifts his head to look at Darla. Angelus: "Tell the truth - whose face do you want to look at for eternity? (Rolls over on his side) His - or mine?" Master smiles down at Angelus: "You idiot. I *made* her." Darla smiles at Angelus and he smiles back at her. The Master's smile fades and he turns to look at Darla. Master: "You're leaving with the stallion, aren't you?" Darla walks over to Angelus and helps him up. Angelus puts an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close and the two of them turn to leave. One of the Master's minions growls and blocks their path. Master with his back to them: "No. Let them go. (He lets them pass) He won't last. I give it a century - tops." Angel reading from a book: "Darla, Anglo-Saxon derivation, meaning 'dear one' - huh, didn't come into common usage until more than a 100 years after she was born. (Closes the book) He must have given it to her. - I didn't even know her real name. (To Wesley) Any luck?" Wesley: "No yet, no. Working on it." Angel rubs his eyes: "Something will come up." Wesley: "Yes. That's my fear. - Angel, you must admit that your record when it comes to Darla has been - spotty at best." Angel: "I killed her Wesley. - And she came back. - They brought her back and now I need to know why. I mean why like this? Why human?" Wesley: "Perhaps human was the only way Wolfram and Hart could bring her back and hope to control her with any degree of success. - Angel, I don't supposed it occurred to you that *this* might be why they brought her back? You have all your attention focused on finding this one woman." Angel: "So you think Wolfram and Hart went to all this trouble just to keep me distracted? Take me out of the game?" Wesley: "It is possible. And if that's the case..." Angel: "It's working." Lindsey ushers Darla, huddled into her jacket, into his office. Lindsey: "You hungry? (Drops his coat and pushes a button on a remote to open the curtains) I can run down the hall and grab some sandwiches from the vending machine if you want. It's not exactly gourmet cuisine, but..." He trails off as Holland enters the office. Holland: "Lindsey." Lindsey: "Holland." Holland: "Darla. How are you?" Darla: "I'm fine, Holland. Good to see you." Holland: "Always a pleasure. Lindsey, a word. (To Darla) You'll excuse us." Holland steps back out of the office and Lindsey follows him. Lindsey to Darla as he's about to close the door: "I'll be right outside." Holland: "I thought we were *very* clear on this matter. Now that she's made contact it's not - prudent to have her on the premises." Lindsey: "I know. I just... I didn't feel I could leave her alone. - I think there may be a problem, sir. She seems to be displaying post traumatic..." Holland: "She's cracking up." Lindsey: "No. I wouldn't say that." Holland: "She is way ahead of schedule." Lindsey: "What?" Holland: "We'll have to accelerate matters. But, I think we're ready. (Claps Lindsey on the arm) Lindsey, you did the right thing. Good work. (Turns to go) Don't let her leave the building. (Turns back) Oh, and letter openers, staple guns, even ball point pens, anything with a sharp edge, you may want to remove so sorts of items from your office. Just in case." Break 1880, London. Darla looking at a dead sailor lying on a street corner. Darla: "So beautiful. Not a blemish, not a freckle. Perhaps we should have preserved that beauty for eternity." Angelus: "Still he won't now age." Darla: "No, but he'll rot. Seems a pity." Dru: "I could hop into him, like I did the ocean." Darla: "Of course you could." Dru: "I'm full and warm - yet all alone." Angelus: "That's not true, precious. You've got us." Dru: "Not in the least. You won't even have me just a little bit." Darla: "All you have to do is ask." Dru: "No. He's head's too full of you, grandmother." Darla: "Stop calling me that." She hits a chuckling Angelus and pulls him down the street. Dru following: "Don't be cross. I could be your mummy." Angelus: "Well, if you're lonely, Dru, why don't you make yourself a playmate?" Dru: "I could. I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land - and make him mine forever with a kiss." Just then a crying William bumps into them, dropping his notebook. He bends down to pick it up then stumbles on. William: "You - watch where you're going!" Darla looking after him: "Or you could just take the first drooling idiot that comes along." Angelus laughing: "You think she'll find a good one?" The walk on but Dru keeps looking after William. Darla: "I found you." Angel: "Based on *this* we think that the search is over? The property is owned by Wolfram and Hart?" Wesley: "Annapolis Olive Oil Import Export, a corporate client of Wolfram and Hart." Angel: "That's pretty slim." Cordy: "It has a view." Angel: "That's not enough." Cordy: "And Berber carpeting." Angel: "Nah, we need to narrow it down further. Keep looking." Cordy: "And my sister is living in unit 319." Angel walking out of the room: "You don't have a sister." Cordy: "Sure I do. My older - way older - like 400 years older - blonde sister Darla, no last name. I've been desperately trying to find (Angel slowly comes back into the room) her because - mom and dad are in the coma. Sue, the property manager was - very helpful. (Cordy looks over at Wesley with a smile) She even cried." Angel rips the page with the address off the notebook and walks towards the door. Angel: "Let's go." Wesley blocks his path: "Perhaps it would be best if you let me contact Gunn and he and I can check this out. (Tries to take the paper with the address, but Angel won't let go) We could do the reconnaissance, give you a full report and we can *all* decide how to proceed - as a team." Cordy: "Probably a good idea - since it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon and that address is in Sun Valley." Angel lets go of the paper and Wesley walks out. Angel: "Right. (Laughs) Sun." Cordy: "Actually I was thinking Valley. I mean why go *there* if you don't have to." Darla is staring out the window in Lindsey's office. Lindsey walks in. Lindsey: "Darla." Darla: "Say that again?" Lindsey: "I just - ah, - I said your name - Darla." Darla: "It sounds so odd, doesn't it?" Lindsey: "I don't know what you mean." Darla: "It wasn't my name when I was human. - The first time when I was human, I mean." Lindsey: "What was your name?" Darla: "Hmm - I don't remember. (Shakes her head) I'm not her, whoever she was. I was Darla for so long - then I wasn't. I - I wasn't anything. I just stopped. - He killed me. I was done. (Turns to look at Lindsey) Then you brought be back." Lindsey: "Yes." Darla steps closer: "What did you bring back, Lindsey? What am I? Did you bring back that girl, whose name I can't remember? - Or did you bring back something else? - The other thing." Lindsey: "Both. - Neither. - You're just you. Whatever that is." Darla: "Why haven't you kissed me? - You've been dying for it, haven't you?" Lindsey: "I didn't know if you wanted me to." Darla: "Why should that matter? - Do you think I ever hesitated when I wanted something? Life's too short. Believe me, I know. - 400 years and still too short." Lindsey steps forward and kisses her softly. Darla: "Mmm, that's how humans get what *they* want. I remember that much." Lindsey kisses her again. Lindsey: "Do you like it?" Darla: "It's nice. - But it's not me you want to screw." Lindsey pulling back to look at her: "What?" Darla: "It's him. You all think you can use me to get to Angel." Lindsey looks at her for a moment: "Maybe." He kisses her hard, pushing her up against the table. Darla: "What am I?" Lindsey: "I don't know - and I don't care." They kiss and suddenly Darla bites the side of Lindsey's neck, hard and he pulls away. They break apart. Darla: "Now do you care?" Lindsey: "No." Darla: "That's how vampires get what they want. What am I?" Lindsey steps close to her again: "Darla..." Darla: "Is that it? Am I Darla?" Lindsey: "Yes." Darla: "Careful. Darla would snap you in half. - Is that who I am?" She pushes away from him and leans her head against the window. Lindsey reaches one hand up to cover the side of his neck. Lindsey: "I understand what you're going through." Darla shakes her head and pushes away from the glass: "No. Nobody understands. Nobody *can* understand. - I can feel this body dying, Lindsey. I can feel it decaying moment by moment. It's being eaten away by this thing inside of it. - It's a cancer, this soul!" 1898, Romania. A ragged Angel stumbles up a hill. Darla is standing in front of an elder of the gypsies. Darla: "You took him from me. You stole him away. - You gave him a soul." Gypsy: "He must suffer - as all of his victims have suffered." Darla: "That is no justice. Whatever pain he caused to your daughter was momentary - over in an instant - or an hour. But what you've done to him will force him to suffer for the rest of eternity! Remove that filthy soul so my boy might return to me." Dru: "Angelus is gone on away. Where is he?" Darla grabs a hold of the Gypsy's neck: "Drusilla, the camp - go on - kill things!" Dru: "He shall be very cross if he finds we had a lovely mass slaughter without him." Darla closes her eyes for a moment: "He'll join us soon. Now do as you're told." Dru licks one of her fingers and nods: "Okay." Walks off. Darla: "In that wagon is your family. Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. (Strokes the man's cheek) but if you'll do as I say, your family can live." Spike, in vamp face, blood on his chin, steps out of the wagon and burps. Darla looks at him. Spike: "What?" Darla closes her eyes, turns back to the gypsy and snaps his neck. Dru swaying by the fire: "Pretty music, pretty, pretty music. (Spike comes up to her and she pulls him into her dance) They cry out for mercy. They cry out for mercy." Darla walking away: "Show none." Angel and Cordy are at Angel's desk, looking at some video footage of Darla's trashed apartment. Cordy: "What happened? Did someone break in?" Gunn is sitting on a sofa in the lobby, eating a sandwich. Gunn: "Well, us." Cordy: "You guys did this? Real mature!" Wesley: "No. This is the way we found it. No evidence of a forced entry." Gunn, talking around a bite of food: "Well, not before we got there anyway." Wesley: "It appears she did this herself." Angel: "She smashed all the mirrors." Cordy: "Why?" Angel: "Isn't it obvious?" Wesley: "Angel, I don't think anything is obvious." Angel: "The weight of her soul, she's feeling it." Wesley: "We don't know that for certain." Angel: "It makes sense. She was a vampire, now she has a soul." Cordy: "That makes sense? So why don't you go around smashing mirrors?" Angel: "Because I don't have to look at *myself* in them. (The phone rings and Cordy goes to answer it) Look, if she's in trouble we have to find her." Wesley: "Angel..." Angel: "She needs help." Wesley: "That might very well be. It might also be what somebody would *like* you to think." Cordy: "Angel..." Angel: "Cordy, just take a message. (To Wesley) So you think this is a setup." Wesley: "We mustn't rule it out." Cordy: "Angel!" Angel: "Cordy, please, I'm talking." Cordy to phone: "Hi Darla. He can't talk right now. He'll call you back once he's found it (Angel runs over to Cordy reaching for the phone) Yeah, bye-bye." Angel grabs the phone before she can hang it up. Angel: "Darla?" Darla: "My boy. My darling boy." Angel: "Where are you?" Darla: "I have question. Where was I? I don't remember anything. It's a great big nothing. Could it be there is no hell?" Angel: "There is a hell. A few of them. I've been to one." Darla: "I told him no one could understand, but I was wrong wasn't I? My boy knows." Angel: "Yeah, I know." Darla: "You said you'd give me everything. Do you remember that? - I believed it then. I still do." Angel: "I'll do whatever I can." Darla: "It's been four centuries since I've had to be afraid of anything. And now I'm sick with it." Angel: "I know." Darla: "Angel..." Lindsey from the door of his office: "Darla. What are you doing." Darla quietly to phone: "Help me!" Angel can hear Lindsey over the phone saying: "Just put down the phone." Angel: "Darla." Lindsey: "Hang up the phone. (Darla turns to look at him) It's okay." Angel: "Darla?" At the office we can dimly hear Angel's voice coming from the phone: "Darla!" Lindsey: "It's okay. All right? Just put it down." A security guard steps through the office door. Guard: "Mr. McDonalds, is everything okay in there?" Lindsey: "Yes, we're fine." Guard: "Mr. Manners said you might need some help with her." Lindsey: "No. - Leave." Darla still clutching the phone to her breast: "I have to go to him, Lindsey." Lindsey: "Don't say that. - Don't say that." Angel can not only hear the whole conversation over the phone, he can also hear Darla's heart beating. Darla: "He's the only one. He can help me." Lindsey: "No. I can help you too." Darla shakes her head and the security guard steps a little closer. Darla: "No. No you can't. You don't have it in you. - Sorry." Guard: "Why don't we all take a walk down to Mr. Manners office." Lindsey to guard: "I can handle this, alright? Go!" Guard: "She's not leaving the building." Lindsey: "I said go!" Darla hits Lindsey with the phone and tries to run past the guard. Angel to phone: "Darla." He can hear a struggle, followed by a gunshot. Angel: "Darla!" Lindsey sits in his office watching a video of the surveillance tape showing the struggle in his office and the guard getting hit by his own gun when Darla runs into him. On tape: Guard: "She's not leaving the building." Lindsey: "I said go!" Holland is standing there watching Lindsey. The Lindsey on the tape takes a hold of Darla: "Come on. Lets go. You're gonna come with me." Holland stops the tape. Holland: "You not only allowed her to escape - you facilitated it." Lindsey: "Things were confusing." Holland: "Things are often confusing for you, aren't they, Lindsey? - Especially, it seems, when it comes to this woman. - You allowed yourself to be ruled by your emotions." Lindsey after a beat: "What about the guard?" Holland: "Family's been notified, Police have a suspect in custody. It's handled. (Holland turns to leave) You're off this project, Lindsey." Lindsey: "I can find her!" Holland: "You don't have to find her. We picked her up two blocks from here." Lindsey: "She's safe?" Holland: "We won't discuss it any further." Lindsey gets up: "If you're thinking about handing this project..." Holland: "This situation has gotten too far out of control. I'm terminating the project." Lindsey: "Terminating?" Holland: "Go home, Lindsey. Get some rest. - We start fresh tomorrow." Angel is putting on his coat in the hotel lobby. Gunn: "You want me to come with you?" Angel: "No. This is something I have to do on my own. (Cordy hands him his car keys) Thanks." Wesley: "Angel..." Angel: "I know, Wesley, I could be walking into a trap. I get that." Wesley: "I'm not convinced you do." Angel: "Look, she asked for my help. I can't turn my back." Wesley: "No, you shouldn't. Not for one moment. You know better than anyone what she was." Angel: "What we were. And I also know what she's going through. And unlike me, maybe she won't have to go through it alone." Cordy: "You're not alone." Wesley: "You may be right. She may be experiencing all of this exactly as *you* did. But Angel, you yourself wandered for a hundred years without ever seeking redemption." Angel: "That's right. I sought her." [SCENE_BREAK] 1900, China, night. Buildings on fire, complete chaos in the streets. Darla is in a house, carrying a cloth wrapped package. A filthy Angel grabs the sides of her face from behind. Angel: "You're so warm. You just fed." Darla: "You found me." Angel: "You can never resist a religious war - and you always talked about China. I just followed the bodies. You never used to be so careless." Darla: "Maybe I wanted to be found." Angel: "Spike and Dru?" Darla: "They're here. Probably out in the riots (she loosens something from the package) maybe starting a new one." Angel lets go of her and she spins around, pushes him up against the wall, holding a knife against his throat. Darla: "I should kill you right now." Angel: "Go ahead." Darla: "Is that why you've come all this way? Too much of a coward to end your own existence, you want me to do it for you? Release that filthy soul?" Angel: "If you'd like." Darla: "I can still smell it, you know. And that's not all. You reek of vermin! - Is that what you've been living off of?" Angel grabs a hold of her hand: "Come on, huh? This should be nothing for you. Go ahead, Darla. Make sure you cut clear to the bone. Put the blade in the wall. Hmm?" Darla stares at him for a moment then pulls away from him. Darla with her back to him: "What do you want?" Angel: "A second chance." Darla: "What?" Angel: "I want things to be like they were. - You and me - together - Darla. - I miss the view." Darla shakes her head, still with her back to him: "That's impossible." Angel: "It's not impossible." Darla: "You still have a soul." Angel: "I'm still a vampire." Darla turns around: "You're not. - Look at you. I don't know what you are anymore." Angel: "You know what I am. You *made* me. Darla. I'm Angelus." Darla: "Not anymore." Angel slowly stepping closer: "I can be again. Just give me a chance to prove it to you." Darla: "You almost made me believe you." Angel: "Believe it. - We can have the whirlwind back." Darla looks up at him: "We can do this." Angel with a slight smile: "Yes, we can." Darla: "We can do anything." Angel pulls her close: "Anything we like." They kiss. Lindsey is walking to his car in the parking garage, dialing a number on his cell phone. He stands beside his car, listening to the phone ring, when Angel wraps a cable around his neck. Angel: "Where is she?" Lindsey holds up his phone: "I was..." Angel tightens the noose, pulling up so Lindsey's feet barely touch the ground anymore Angel: "No, you get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it." We hear Cordy's voice from the phone: "Angel Investigations, we help the helpless. (Angel looks at the phone) How can we help you? (Angel lets Lindsey drop back to his feet) Hello? Hello?" Lindsey closes the phone: "I was trying to call you. They're gonna kill her. You got to stop it. Hey, she needs you. Please." Angel pulls up on the noose again: "You're a liar." Lindsey: "It's true!" Angel lets him back down: "Where?" Lindsey: "In an abandoned bank on Figaro and Ninth. Wolfram and Hart own the property. I'm pretty sure that's where they're gonna take her." Angel pulls up on the noose again: "You think you're pretty sure." Lindsey: "I'm not exactly in the loop on this! (Angel lets him back down) Alright, that's where they do this sort of stuff. It'll be underground where the vaults used to be." Angel pulls up again, forcing Lindsey back to the tip of his toes. Angel: "If this is a trick, just know that I'll be coming back for you. (Angel lets go of the cable and Lindsey drops against the trunk of his car) Hell, I just might be coming back for you anyway." Angel is walking through the riots back in China. Angel: "Darla? - Darla! - Darla. - Darla?!" He enters an alley to see a missionary family huddled against one of the walls, holding a basket with a crying baby between them. A Chinese swinging a sword attacks Angel from behind and he slaps him aside, headfirst into the wall, then turns back to stare at the family. Slowly backs away from them. He hears Darla calling for him and quickly leaves the alley. Darla: "Angelus? (She bumps into his chest, smiles at him) The whirlwind, Angelus." They kiss, then Darla tries to peer past him into the alley. Darla: "Hmm, what's over here?" Angel doesn't let go of her: "Nothing. - Bodies. Let's find something warm." Darla: "Yes. Some missionaries. We'll drain the piety right out of them." They move down the street and meet Dru and a roughed up and bleeding Spike. Darla: "So, where have you two been?" Dru: "Will I tell?" Spike: "No need to be humble." Dru: "My little Spike just killed himself a Slayer." Darla to Angel: "Did you hear that?" Angel to Spike: "Congratulations. - I guess that makes you one of us." Spike: "Don't be so glum, eh? The way you tell it, one Slayer snuffs another one rises. I figure, there is a new chosen one getting all chosen even as we speak. I tell you what, when and if this new bird shows up, I'll give you first crack at it!" Dru steps past Angel in the direction of the alley. Dru: "Hmm, I smell fear." Angel: "This whole place reeks of it." Spike wraps his arms around Dru from behind. Dru: "It's intoxicating." Angel: "Let's get out of here. This rebellion is starting to bore me." Darla watches as Angel walks past Dru, giggling in Spike's arms, then follows him. Nice, slow motion shot of the four of them walking down the street with the burning buildings and riot all around. Spike steps on a bundle in his path and leaps high into the air. Angel is walking down the street, grim-faced leading the way, with Darla just a step behind him. Spike is carrying Dru in his arms, kissing her. Darla is watching Angel. Darla in an echoing voice over: "Are you with me Angel? (Fade to white.) Why aren't you with me?" Darla gets tossed out of the back of a van by three white-clad guys. One of them pulls out a gun and aims it at her. Guy: "Sorry, lady. It's just us." Angel walks into Darla's house in china. Darla: "Where have you been?" Angel: "Darla." Darla: "Answer me!" Angel: "Just out. Why?" Darla: "Feeding?" Angel: "Yeah." Darla: "On vermin?" Angel after a beat: "No." Darla: "Don't lie to me." Angel: "Look I've killed men. You've seen it!" Darla, wearing a kimono, gets up form her seat against the wall and walks towards him. Darla: "Rapists and murderers, thieves and scoundrels. Did you think I wouldn't notice? - Only evildoers, that's all you hunt now. (Angel looks down) You swore to me. You said, if I took you back you'd prove yourself." Angel: "And I will." Darla: "Good. (Pulls the blanket of a basket sitting between them, revealing the missionaries' baby) Now is your chance." Angel looks down at the baby, shifts restlessly. Darla looking down at the baby: "I went back before dawn. They were still cowering there. Praying to their god for a salvation. (Looks at Angel, who's staring down at the baby) They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront - dining on rats. I won't be made a fool, Angelus. (He looks at her) Not by you. Not by anyone." Angel looks down: "I didn't mean..." Darla: "While Spike - Spike! - was out killing a Slayer you were saving missionaries! Form me!" Angel: "I'm sorry..." Darla: "No. No more words. (She takes a step back and Angel looks down at the baby) Act!" Darla is lying on the ground in front of the three guys, gun pointing at her, when Angel pulls up in his convertible and jumps put over the windshield. One of them grabs Darla as Angel kicks the gun out of the first guys hand. Darla gets thrown against a wall, while Angel makes quick work of the three men, throwing the last one into the back of the van. Angel walks over to where Darla is slumped against the wall and crouches down in front of her. Angel: "Darla?" Lindsey walks past the receptionist desk of Wolfram and Hart, looks back and sees Holland and another man shaking hands. Flash back to earlier. Guard: "Mr. McDonald, is everything okay in there?" Flash back to the guy shaking Holland's hand. It's the same guard. Lindsey remembers Holland saying: "The family's been notified." As we hear a gunshot and see the guard drop to the floor of Lindsey's office on the videotape. Holland, in the lobby looks over and sees Lindsey looking at him. Lindsey enters his office, leaving the door open and Holland steps in and closes the door. Lindsey: "Should we notify his family?" Holland: "Lindsey..." Lindsey: "You played me. You played her." Holland: "We had to make you believe it Lindsey." Lindsey: "Why?" Holland: "Because she has to believe it, because Angel has to. - The Crisis needed to be real." Lindsey: "You think now that you've driven her back to him she's gonna give him that perfect moment of happiness? He's gonna come on our side? Won't happen. He's noble. He'll never take advantage of her - not in this state, not now." Holland: "Lindsey, you don't understand our friend at all. We know there is no prospect for physical intimacy here. - So you needn't torture yourself." Lindsey steps closer: "Then what do you expect him to do?" Holland: "What he will do. What he must do. Save her soul." Darla is lying with her eyes closed on a sofa in the hotel lobby with Angel crouched in front of it and Wesley, Cordy and Gunn standing around it. Angel: "She's gonna be okay." Cordy: "Maybe we should get her a doctor." Darla opening her eyes: "No. No doctors. (Looks at Angel and smiles) Angelus." Cordy: "Uhm. Sorry, I know you're concussion girl and all, but around here it's Angel - just Angel, okay?" Angel: "Guys, do you mind? - Just give us a minute?" Wesley leaving: "Yeah, of course." Gunn leaving: "No problem." Cordy follows them with a last look at Darla and Angel. Darla: "I thought I was dead." Angel: "You're not dead." Darla: "I'm not sure how I feel about that." Angel gives her a small smile: "I know what you mean." Darla puts her hand on his: "I'm so lucky - to have someone who understands - who knows. It's something you never had, is it?" Angel: "It wasn't your fault." Darla pulls her self up into a sitting position: "No. No, but there is so much that is." Angel: "It's gonna be okay." Darla gives him a smile: "I knew you'd help me. Now if I could only get to you. - Funny. That's why they brought me back - to get to you. - Now I find I need you, just as I've always needed you. - You'll make the pain stop, won't you?" Angel: "Takes time." Darla: "Takes moments. (Shakes her hair back and exposes her throat) Do it - now." Angel stares at her throat, stands up and backs away from her. Angel: "What?" Darla follows him and grabs him by the front of his shirt. Darla: "Make me what I was again!" Angel: "Darla..." Darla: "You said you'd help me!" Angel backs away but she won't let go of him. Angel: "I will. - I want to - but - not like this." Darla: "Turn me back. God! I can't bear this pounding in my chest for another instant!" Angel quietly: "It's gift. - Too feel that heart beat - to know, really and for once, that you're alive. - You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?" Darla: "Of course I do. It means pain and suffering - and disease and death. - Look, I released you from this world once, I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor." Angel backs away a step, just looking at her: "Favor - is that what you think? - You think you did me a favor? - You damned me." Darla after a beat: "Fine. Fine then, if it's such a punishment, take out your revenge, pay me back! (Angel just looks at her) - Please." Angel swallows and shakes his head ever so slightly: "I can't." Darla closes her eyes. Angel is looking down at the baby in the basket. Darla: "What do you mean you can't? You won't!" Angel: "I can't seem to be able to uhm, I'm sorry." Darla shakes her head ever so slightly: "You disgust me." Angel grabs a hold of the baby and runs out on Darla, crashing through some glass doors. Darla in the present is running away from Angel. Angel: "Darla, wait!" Darla stops in front of the doors and spins around to face him. Darla: "No! Don't look for me again." She turns and rushes out the door and a he makes no move to stop her.

Angel continues to search for Darla. A series of flashbacks shows Darla life and unlife; from her first death in 1609, to her relationship with Angelus, to their breakup during the Boxer Rebellion. Her newly restored humanity weighing on her, Darla finally reaches an important decision that horrifies Angel.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x23

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x23_0

[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Lucas is holding the annulment papers and looking down at it. He flips it over and throws it aside roughly. He takes out Haley's assignment and throws at aside too. Lastly, he takes out his HCM pills and takes one out. He only has one left in the tub. He puts the cap back on and puts it into the bag.) (He takes one pill while downing water from his bottle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (There's a knock on the door and it opens to Brooke at the bed, putting her clothes into a bag. She looks at the doorway and sees Lucas enter.) LUCAS: Hey. (He crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe, sighing.) LUCAS: Need some help? BROOKE: Nah. I figure if I leave all my stuff here, my parents are gonna have to let me come back for senior year. (Smiles and puts some more stuff into her bag.) LUCAS: (Strained) Look, are we ever... gonna talk about Peyton? And the stuff you found? BROOKE: (Evasively) It's not a big deal. (Lucas looks away and shakes his head.) Actually, I was... kinda relieved. LUCAS: (Confused) Relieved? BROOKE: I thought you might be into me. (Shrugs) And... that would've ruined everything because we've become friends... and that's exactly what I needed. (Pause) And... it's exactly what I want. (Smiles and nods.) LUCAS: (Quickly) But you seemed... upset... that I held onto all that stuff; you still do. BROOKE: Finding that stuff was kind of like... evidence. (Lucas looks down sadly.) Reminded me of what happened... and how it happened. (Pause) And I guess my heart just wasn't ready for that. (Her voice is shaky.) (She smiles tightly.) (Lucas nods and Brooke zips her bag. She lifts it down and puts it onto the floor beside her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BRIARWOOD RECOVERY CENTER - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAWN] (Deb drops her bag at her feet and waits for a ride. She looks around for anyone she knows.) WHITEY: (Walking up to her with a smile.) How you feeling, Ms. Scott? (Deb is genuinely pleased to see him.) WHITEY: Well, I guess you're waiting for Danny. DEB: Uh, yeah, yeah, he... planned to pick me up. I was... hoping he'd bring Nathan. WHITEY: (Laughs) I lied. I had one of the girls at the office put you back an hour. I thought you and I might... have a talk. (Deb assesses him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIC - BAR - DAY] (Peyton is hauling kegs around while The Wreckers play in the background. A woman walks into the club and straight to Peyton.) ELLIE: Any chance you could tap that thing? PEYTON: (Laughs) Sorry, we're closed. ELLIE: Well, I hope so because if this is open, you've got problems. (Peyton laughs.) ELLIE: Where're you taking this? PEYTON: (Points right.) Over there, but... (Ellie picks it up and moves it.) I got it. Uh,... thanks. ELLIE: No problem. If I had a dollar for every keg I've carried, (Puts it down and stands straight again, looking at Peyton.) I'd be a rich girl. PEYTON: Bartender? ELLIE: Only when I'm not killing people or saving the world. (Smiles) (Peyton laughs.) PEYTON: Well, if you're looking for a job, I can put in a good word with the owner. ELLIE: Actually, I'm looking for Peyton. PEYTON: Oh, um,... I'm Peyton. ELLIE: (Smiles widely.) Oh(!) (Holds out her hand.) I'm Ellie. I write a column for Alternative Press. You know it? PEYTON: (Delighted) Know it? I read it cover to cover. Which column? ELLIE: Actually, it's-it's a new one. (Peyton nods.) But I heard some high school girl got The Wreckers and Jimmy Eat World to play her club night. (Peyton looks away, heartened.) ELLIE: And I wanted to know more. Whaddaya say? PEYTON: I'd say I'm really flattered, but,... I think last night was my final show. (Looks down.) ELLIE: Well, I assume there's a reason for that? PEYTON: (Nods) Yeah. ELLIE: Sounds like the makings of a great story. PEYTON: (Still smiling.) No thanks. (Pause) But it was really nice to meet you. (Nods) ELLIE: (Nods) It's nice to meet you too, Peyton. (Ellie touches her hand. Peyton looks at it before looking back. Ellie smiles and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Close-up of the card as Lucas pulls it out of the envelope. It says: 'Luke, Find the combination and Dan is finished. -Andy'.) LUCAS: (Reading) Luke, find the combination and Dan is... finished. (He puts the card aside, frowning, and puts the disk into the drive. He clicks and sees Dan pulling the picture down. He smirks as he sees Dan look through the ledger.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (A small post-it on the door says 'Back at 1pm'. Lucas walks up to the door and opens it, sneakily. He takes out the tape in the video recorder and puts it into his bag just as Nathan enters.) NATHAN: (Suspiciously) Hey. (Pause) What's up? LUCAS: Nothing, you? NATHAN: I thought you said you were done spying on him(!) LUCAS: (Lying well.) I am. NATHAN: Then what's in the bag? (Lucas scoffs and reaches into the bag. He's holding aside the annulment papers with his hand and pauses for a second before pulling out his old uniform.) LUCAS: Just... bringing this back to you. (Squints) NATHAN: You gave me your word, Luke. LUCAS: (Walking forward.) I know, and I'm done. (Gives him the uniform.) I promise(!) (Lucas walks past him. Nathan turns and watches him.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Nathan walks out of the bedroom and into the living room, holding something. It's a dream catcher. He throws it onto the table.) DEB: (o.s) Giving up on your dreams? (Nathan looks up at the familiar voice and grins.) NATHAN: Mom. (Deb is standing in the doorway.) DEB: (Walks forward.) Oh, my boy(!) (Hugs him.) I have missed you(!) NATHAN: It's gonna be OK now, mom. DEB: (Nods) Yeah. (Looks at the almost empty apartment.) So, what's all this about? (Dan moves into the doorway.) DAN: Nathan's moving home, Deb. (He smiles. Deb doesn't look all too happy at his insinuation or seeing him. Nathan smiles) DAN: We're gonna be a family again. (He hugs her.) DAN: Welcome home. (Deb remains stiff in his arms, desolate that she's still trapped.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton walks around in her room. She looks at the wall with the picture of two hands; both wearing wedding rings. A picture she had given to Nathan when Haley first left.) (Her computer's on and the instant message box pings. She turns her head to it and walks to the computer. She looks at the screen and frowns.) (The person who messaged her is called 'WATCHMEWATCHU:' The person says Welcome back. Peyton replies with; 'Not a good day to be cryptic. Who is this?'. The person says; 'I'm watching you'.) (Peyton is slightly scared and covers the camera with one of her tops.) BROOKE: (o.s) Hi-O! PEYTON: (Starts in her chair and covers her face.) Oh God! (Brooke appears and jumps onto Peyton's bed, landing on her stomach and facing Peyton.) BROOKE: What? PEYTON: You scared the hell outta me. (Brooke shrugs in confusion.) PEYTON: You don't know anybody who has IM named 'WATCHMEWATCHU', do you? BROOKE: (Amused) Sounds pervy. Sadly no, why? PEYTON: Doesn't matter. Sup? BROOKE: It's actually what I came to ask you. Couldn't find you at the club last night; figured maybe you stayed in with Jake. PEYTON: (Looking down.) Jake's gone, Brooke. (Brooke's suddenly not smiling but she doesn't need to say anything for Peyton to elaborate.) PEYTON: Nikki has Jenny. (There is avid pain in her eyes.) BROOKE: Oh, (Starts to get up.) Peyton, come here. What happened? (Peyton waves her off, trying to stop her from coming any closer, and covers her face again. Brooke sits back down.) PEYTON: I can't, coz if you hug me, then I'm gonna start... bawling again, so... some summer break, huh? BROOKE: (Sighs) Well,... I mean, he's coming back, right? He'll... find Jenny and then he can slap Nikki and then he's coming right back to you(!) I just know it. PEYTON: Thanks. (Throws her hands up.) OK, I'm sorry, (Stands up.) I'm changing the subject; how was your road trip (Sits on her bed next to Brooke.) with Lucas. BROOKE: Um,... fine. PEYTON: Fine? Is this gonna get sexual? BROOKE: (Smiling tightly.) I don't know, that's kind of up to you. PEYTON: (Confused) What? BROOKE: (Brushing it off.) It can wait. You're head is spinning(!) (Falls back onto the bed.) PEYTON: Brooke, considering you're leaving, tomorrow, it can't wait. (Brooke groans.) PEYTON: Spill(!) BROOKE: (Moaning) OK(!) (Sits up.) Um,... (Very quickly.) I was snooping through Lucas' things; kind of on purpose, and found a bunch of your stuff that he saved and I think he's still into you. (Looks at Peyton nervously.) PEYTON: ... Huh(!) BROOKE: Like I said: bad timing... seeing that Jake just left, or maybe good timing? PEYTON: (Looks at Brooke mournfully.) Brooke, (Takes her hand.) I'm sorry. I know you have feelings for Lucas. BROOKE: Phantom feelings. (Peyton raises her eyebrows.) Like... when you lose a leg and try to scratch it. Lucas was my... (Thinks of an appropriate term.) gangrene infected, amputated limb. PEYTON: (Not buying it.) Really? BROOKE: (Conceding) I was so insecure when I was with him, Peyton... and this whole thing just reminded me that I don't wanna be that girl again. I won't be. (Peyton considers.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - COUNTER - DAY] (Karen is standing behind the counter, on the phone and trying to get a hold of Andy.) KAREN: Marcus, I don't understand, he was supposed to be there by now. (Waits) KAREN: Well,... can you leave him another message in case he checks in? (Pause) Andy Hargrove. (Pause) Thanks. (She hangs up the phone and turns to look at the streets through the door. Her eyes widen as she sees Keith standing there in a blue shirt. A black car pulls up, pauses for a beat, and when it drives off, Keith's gone.) (Karen gapes, unsure of whether she saw him or not. The bell above the door rings and Deb enters.) DEB: (Enquiring) Karen? (Karen finally comes to.) KAREN: (Rushing forward.) Oh my gosh, Deb(!) (They hug.) KAREN: Welcome back(!) (Deb hugs her tightly before letting go.) DEB: You look like you just saw a ghost. KAREN: Well, I think I did. How you feeling? (They walk further into the caf .) DEB: Uh, good. (Nods) Great actually. I just,... I need to keep busy. KAREN: Are you sure? I mean,... you don't wanna take some time? DEB: Uh, no, no, absolutely not. KAREN: Well, OK. Let's talk. DEB: OK. (They walk around to the back.) (The bell rings again and Peyton enters. She looks at Ellie who is sitting at her laptop on one of the tables. Peyton approaches her slowly.) PEYTON: You're not going away, are you? ELLIE: (Looks at her and smiles.) Not this time. PEYTON: (Pointing to Ellie's jacket.) That's a rad jacket. ELLIE: Thanks. (Pause) I stole it from Courtney Love. PEYTON: Really? ELLIE: Yeah. She was being a bitch. (Peyton laughs.) So I took it(!) (Ellie smiles and shuts the laptop.) ELLIE: Have a seat. (Peyton complies.) PEYTON: So, the editors at THUD are thrilled about your story and they say I have to talk to you. ELLIE: (Nods) Is it that bad? PEYTON: Well, if there's no House of Freaks at TRIC, there's no story. ELLIE: (Waits) And what about the rest of your life? Is it that bad? PEYTON: ...What do you know about it? ELLIE: Well,...your eyes are puffy which, from experience, screams textbook crying eyes. (Peyton looks away.) You have your hair up so you're probably not planning on impressing any boys today. (Pause) I'd say you're nursing a hell of a broken heart; and not the school-girl crush kind, the real thing. (Peyton looks at her, confused. Ellie smiles at her.) PEYTON: Um,...OK. Uh,... well, I mean, I started TRIC to escape it all, you know, and... (Ellie nods.) bring people together; let the music drown out the white noise in life. ELLIE: And tell me about your life. What is the white noise made of? PEYTON: Oh, god, I mean,... everything unnecessary,... like... cliques and... greed and popularity and harassment- ELLIE: (Getting it.) The song remains the same. (As they talk, the camera pans right and the shot fades - unfocussed - to:) PEYTON: (o.s) Yeah, as far as I can tell, it does. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY] (A basketball flies into the hoop. Nathan catches the ball. The camera cuts to Deb getting out of her car; smiling.) (She shuts the door and approaches her son. Nathan smiles.) DEB: Looks like we're both getting better. (Smiles) You love this game, don't you? NATHAN: (Beat as he considers.) Depends on what day you ask me. (Nathan bounces the ball at her.) DEB: (Catches it.) Nah, you loved it every day since you could hold a ball. (Nathan nods.) DEB: So,... why aren't you going to the camp? NATHAN: You talk to dad? DEB: Talked to Whitey. (Smiles) He said you're staying because of me. NATHAN: Whitey also drinks a lot, mom. DEB: (Laughs) Then you'll go(!) (Bounces the ball back at him.) NATHAN: (Looks at the ball as he talks to his mother.) Look, uh,... (Sighs) dad told me about the pills; about how you started taking them because... DEB: Because what? NATHAN: ...Because I moved out. DEB: (Shocked and disgusted.) Is that what he told you? I took the pills because you moved away?(!) NATHAN: (Little lost boy look.) Yeah(!) DEB: (Whispering) That son of a bitch(!) (Pause) Nathan, listen to me; you misunderstood me when I said that I wanted us to be a family again. I want us to be a family again; you and me. (Pause) Will you come with me? NATHAN: (Doesn't need to think twice.) Yeah. (Looks to the side.) But what're we gonna do about dad? Huh, he won't just let us go. DEB: We're getting out, Nathan, together. Your father can burn in hell for all I care(!) (Nathan considers but has no objections.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - SALES FLOOR - EVENING] (Dan locks up the dealership for the evening. He walks out. The camera pans down to Lucas who is sitting in the same car that Andy was when he caught Dan looking at the ledger.) (Lucas walks into the office and takes the large picture down. He stares at the safe. He looks around.) LUCAS: (Whispering to himself.) Where is the combination? LUCAS: (Annoyed) Damn(!) (He looks around again and spots Dan's framed jersey with his jersey number - 33 - clearly visible. Then he looks down at a framed photo of Dan and Nathan on the desk with Nathan's jersey number - 23 - visible. Then he looks up at his own framed picture with his own jersey number: 03. He turns back to the safe and types in 33233. The lock clicks back and the safe opens.) (Lucas smirks and opens the safe. He takes out the ledger and looks at it emotionlessly.) LUCAS: (To himself again.) Game over. FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (There's a knock on Brooke's door. It opens and Lucas enters.) LUCAS: (Squinting) Brooke? BROOKE: ...Um,... (Cut to Brooke who is in her cheerleader outfit.) I found it while I was packing. Just... kind of felt like I should try it on. (She smiles as does Lucas. The room is almost completely bare.) LUCAS: (Laughs before pausing.) Can we talk? BROOKE: Yeah. (Motions for him to enter.) (Lucas enters the room and sits on the bed while she does the same. She looks at him, smiling.) LUCAS: I can't let you leave tomorrow without saying this. BROOKE: Lucas, if this is about Peyton, I-I don't- (Lucas shakes his head, cutting her off.) LUCAS: I love you, (Brooke's expression freezes.) Brooke. (Brooke blinks.) LUCAS: And, I know: just friends, but,... I need you to know how I feel. (Brooke is too shocked for words. She stands up and walks forward, her back to him.) BROOKE: I can't believe I'm hearing this(!) LUCAS: Brooke, don't go. BROOKE: I can't believe... you would walk into my bedroom -... (Frowns) formally your bedroom; (Shakes her head.) but that's besides the point -... and knowing our history,... blurt out that you love me(!) (Lucas looks away, defeated. He nods.) BROOKE: (Smiling as she stands by the door.) Coz I was hoping you would. (Lucas looks at her and she smiles as she closes the door.) (Brooke locks the door.) LUCAS: Brooke? (Smiling, Brooke walks to him.) BROOKE: It took you long enough. (She straddles his lap and they kiss. She laughs and takes his t-shirt off. They kiss again before breaking apart.) LUCAS: (Whispering) This has gotta be a dream. (Brooke shakes her head and kisses him again. They fall onto the bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING] (And Lucas falls out of his own. It was a dream and we wonder how many bedrooms there are in Karen's house and why Brooke couldn't have had that one instead of Lucas'.) (Lucas groans as he realises that it was just a dream. He looks up, sees he's alone and whines desolately.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BATHROOM - DAY] (Lucas is having a shower when the door opens and Brooke enters; slightly annoyed.) BROOKE: Lucas! Do not make me join you! (She shuts the door.) LUCAS: (Trying to cover himself, embarrassed.) Uh,... a little privacy here. BROOKE: No, you have been in the shower forever. By the time I even get in, the water is gonna be- (She sticks her hand into the water, gasps and backs off.) BROOKE: -COLD(!) (Looks at her wet hand.) Are you taking a cold shower(!)? LUCAS: (Trying to play it cool.) No, the hot water just- BROOKE: (Closing her eyes.) Gross(!) You are. You know what, next wet dream, tell Peyton I said 'hi'. (Snarkily) (Brooke waits for a beat.) BROOKE: Eww! (She exits the bathroom quickly.) (Lucas looks at the shower curtain defeatedly and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Karen is at the sofa, folding clothes. Lucas exits the bathroom and walks into the living room, towel drying his hair.) LUCAS: Mom, can we get a lock on the bathroom door? (He sees what she's up to and pauses.) LUCAS: Going somewhere? (She doesn't answer and her manner makes it seem as if she's angry with him.) LUCAS: Like New Zealand? KAREN: (Her back to him.) You know, Keith was right. (Pauses) Uh, he once told me that I... I hide my heart and I run from love. (Pause) I did that with Andy. (Lucas looks at her.) KAREN: I-I'm just being dumb; we don't even have money for two plane tickets to New Zealand, right? LUCAS: (Smiles) We have enough for one. (Karen doesn't answer him.) LUCAS: Look,... mom, I love you... but... I'm a big boy now and I'll be fine on my own. (Nods and smiles.) (Karen smiles at him.) LUCAS: It's your journey to take. (Karen waits for a while before walking to Lucas.) KAREN: (Sighs) If-if I thought he was coming back soon, I wouldn't even consider it. LUCAS: I know. KAREN: But you're... (Sighs) Dan... is pulling the strings as usual. (She sighs and turns back to her luggage. Lucas looks off, angrily.) LUCAS: (To himself.) Not for long. (He exits the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Nathan is playing basketball on his phone while Peyton walks around, packing his things and lugging boxes around. She drops the box and turns to him.) PEYTON: Let me ask you something: (Nathan looks at her.) are you not helping me move you because it brings back bad memories or because you're a lazy pile of crap? (Nathan shuts the phone and smiles at her.) NATHAN: You mean,... (Reaches down and retrieves a framed photo.) bad memories like these? (Peyton takes the frame and looks at the picture of Nathan and herself, smiling happily.) PEYTON: Oh god(!) (Shoves it back at him.) NATHAN: (Laughs) We started off the school year this way. PEYTON: (Smiling) Yeah, don't remind me. NATHAN: You were never happier. PEYTON: You were never hornier(!) NATHAN: Oh yeah? You want some more of that magic? PEYTON: Don't- NATHAN: Come here. (Grabs her.) PEYTON: No- NATHAN: Come on. PEYTON: (She lands on him and he tickles her.) OK, stop it! (He tickles her some more.) Ah! (Nathan laughs and Peyton shouts.) NATHAN: Come on. (The door opens and Brooke enters.) PEYTON: Will you STOP! BROOKE: Well, well(!) (Peyton's eyes widen and she stands up.) BROOKE: First Lucas, then Jake, now Nathan. (Smiling) I guess slutty's in season(!) PEYTON: And why is bitch being a Brooke? BROOKE: I don't know, maybe because I'm leaving for the summer; possibly forever and my best friend is off... giving interviews and (Crosses her arms.) having... pseudo-innocent foreplay with kinda married guys. (Nathan's back on his phone and spares the slightest of glances at the girls.) PEYTON: OK. (Cut back to Peyton who's on her phone suddenly.) PEYTON: Hi, Alternative Press? (Pause) Editorial please. BROOKE: (Leaning against the door.) What're you doing? PEYTON: (Smiling) I know that you are needy right now and so I'm postponing the interview until after my best friend is gone for the summer. (Brooke bounces giddily and enters the apartment properly.) PEYTON: (Into the phone.) Hi, Ellie Harp, please. (Peyton listens and Brooke bends down, over Nathan's shoulder so that she can see what he's doing.) PEYTON: Oh, OK, um,... maybe I have the name wrong. (Pause) (Brooke smiles as Nathan plays.) PEYTON: She's doing an article on Peyton Sawyer and the nightclub TRIC. (Brooke looks up at her.) PEYTON: Oh, are you sure? (Peyton locks eyes with Brooke.) PEYTON: (Listens) OK, thanks. (She hangs up.) NATHAN: You OK? PEYTON: The woman said that she knows all the columnists at the magazine and she's never heard of Ellie Harp or the story. (Nathan squints.) BROOKE: So,... maybe you have the wrong magazine? PEYTON: (Not buying it.) Yeah, maybe. (Peyton frowns slightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - BACK GARDEN - DAY] (The ledger is on the table. Lucas flips it open to a page.) LUCAS: Every transaction is listed. The actual sale price and the price Dan declared to the government. (He looks to the side.) He's done it a thousand times Deb; it's a federal offence. (Deb has the ledger in her hands and is flipping through it.) DEB: Prison? (Lucas nods. She flips a page.) DEB: So,... why are you bringing this to me? He's my husband. (Lucas pauses.) LUCAS: And he's my father. (Pause) But,... I figured you could use it to get away from him. (Pause) To get out. DEB: You'd do that for me? LUCAS: Yeah, and for Nathan... and Keith... and everybody else he's hurt. DEB: So,... this is it. This is the smoking gun that can bring down Dan Scott. LUCAS: Yep. (Nods) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (The camera pans to Dan slowly as he takes the huge picture off the wall. He taps in the code and opens the safe. He sees that it's empty but can't tear his eyes away from it. He can't believe what he's not seeing.) (Deb steps into the shot. She's at the doorway with her arms crossed; leaning against the doorframe.) DEB: (Exhales) Looking for something? (Dan turns to her. It's Deb's turn to smirk and she does.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (A door bangs. Deb is in the kitchen. Close-up of her stirring lemonade.) DAN: (Walking into the kitchen.) Where is it? DEB: Where's what? DAN: Don't play dumb with me! Where's the ledger?! DEB: Oh, you mean the ledger that exposes my husband's illegal activities over several years? (Pours a glass of the lemonade.) Tell me that ledger doesn't exist, Dan. DAN: You don't see the big picture, Deb. DEB: Oh, I think I do. DAN: JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN BOOK! DEB: You told Nathan that my addiction was his fault. DAN: (Smarmily.) What're you talking about? DEB: You knew I wouldn't come back unless Nathan was living here. DAN: Take another pill, Deb? You're delusional. (Smirks) DEB: No, I was delusional: loving you, thinking you'd change. But I-I've got clarity now, Danny-boy, and I finally see you for the pathetic, broken man you are. (Raises the glass at him, smirking.) Lemonade? DAN: You know, a guy like me works his entire life trying to build something. (Pause) Trying to make his mark in the world; to provide for his family, (Walks forward.) working hour after hour to turn the seed of an idea into a successful business. DEB: A fraudulent business. DAN: (Stands in her personal space.) A fraudulent business owned by my wife(!) (Deb takes a moment before looking up at him.) DAN: You know, it's a shame that ignorance isn't an excuse, Deb, because when you turn in that ledger, both of Nathan's parents will be felons. Hell, you'll just go from one institution to the next. Today: the drunk tank, tomorrow: prison. DEB: (Glaring at him.) You b*st*rd. DAN: No, Deb, the b*st*rd would've been Nathan; that is, if I wouldn't have married you. (Grins) And made us all so happy. (Deb looks at him, thinking.) DAN: Where's the ledger, Deb? (Deb looks down. She's unsure of what to do; stop Dan for good or save herself.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton is sifting through her music when her computer pings again. She walks over to it and it's the same person again. This time, they say: 'cOmE oUt CoMe OuT wHeReVeR yOu ArE.') (Peyton doesn't respond and her phone starts ringing. She takes a moment to gather herself before answering it.) PEYTON: Hello? PEYTON: Who is this? ELLIE: It's Ellie. PEYTON: Where'd you get this number? ELLIE: Well, I- PEYTON: Leave me alone and don't call me(!) (She hangs up and puts the phone back on its stand.) (She just stares off into nothing.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Deb takes flowers out of a pot. She tips it and shakes out some pills.) NATHAN: (o.s) Mom? (Deb quickly sets the pot right and puts the flowers back in.) DEB: Nate. NATHAN: (Appears) What's going on? You sounded freaked out on the phone. DEB: We're gonna have to stay here for a while. NATHAN: What happened? DEB: Nathan, I'm so sorry. It's just... your father has done some things. NATHAN: (Tensely) What things(!)? DEB: Nothing that concerns you. (Pause) But Lucas found something. NATHAN: (Looks away.) Lucas. DEB: He was trying to help us. But it-it doesn't matter now. What does matter is that you remember I love you... and I always will. NATHAN: (Sadly) We were gonna get out. DEB: And we still are, OK? I promise you. (She walks to him.) But,... for now, that has to be our secret. (She takes his hand.) DEB: I want you to go to High Flyers. NATHAN: (Not even considering.) Forget it(!) I'm not leaving you here alone with Dan(!) DEB: Nathan, I'll be fine(!) (Nathan shakes his head.) You go to that camp and don't look back for a second, do you understand me? NATHAN: (Scowling) ...It has to end. DEB: (Nods) Yes,... it does. (Nathan turns and exits the room. Deb reaches down into her back pocket and takes out the pills. She looks at them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - WHITEY'S OFFICE - DAY] (Dan walks into the office, not knocking, as always.) WHITEY: Ah, here we go again. (Takes his glasses off.) DAN: Oh, don't mind me; I just need your measurements. WHITEY: Alright, I'll play along; my measurements for what? DAN: For the pine box they're gonna put you in. (Pause) I'm about to bury you, Whitey. (Whitey stands up angrily; he doesn't take crap from anyone, especially not Dan.) DAN: You crossed the line, Whitey; talking to Deb, meddling with Nathan. (Pause) You know, I occupy a seat on the school board; I think we're gonna make some changes next season. WHITEY: Don't you threaten me! DAN: Oh, it's not a threat! You've got some health concerns, don't you? Bad eyes and all; that coupled with the first round playoff loss. WHITEY: WHICH YOU COACHED! DAN: BECAUSE YOU WERE ILL! (Pause) You know, it's a shame you never won the state title, Whitey, (Shakes his head.) because as far as I'm concerned,... you're never gonna coach again(!) WHITEY: You better be careful, son. (Pause) You mess with my livelihood, I'll mess with yours. DAN: (Sneers as he leans in close.) Speaking of threats. WHITEY: You know, most people... (Leans in too.) when they go they leave the world a lesser place, but not you. No, the world won't even blink(!) DAN: Well, you'd know, wouldn't you, Whitey? (Blinks repeatedly.) WHITEY: You're playing with fire, Danny,... and you are about to get burned(!) DAN: Bring it on, old man. (Whitey glares at him. Dan straightens and walks out slowly. Whitey bangs the table with his fist.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE - STREET - DAY] (There is a yellow cab waiting to take Karen to the airport. She walks down the front steps with Lucas. The driver opens the boot.) KAREN: OK, I've spoken with Deb so she's gonna look after things. And all my numbers are near the phone. Oh, and if Keith calls- LUCAS: (Holds up a hand.) Mom,... (Grins) go. KAREN: (Smiles) If you need anything,... well I'll only be... half a world away(!) (Lucas laughs before hugging her.) LUCAS: (Sincerely) Go find happiness, mom. (Smiles) I love you. (Karen lets go of him.) KAREN: (Nodding) I love you, too. (Sighs and walks to the cab.) (Lucas watches her with his hands in his pockets. She gets in and waves at him. He smiles at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Deb sets the glass of water down and waits for a moment before lying back on the couch. A few candles are burning and Deb looks up at the ceiling before closing her eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke is packing her clothes away, still. She pulls out her cheerleader outfit and looks at it, a slight frown on her face. She smiles as she examines it closely. After a beat, she folds it back up and packs it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Close-up of the computer before the camera pans right to Peyton who is sitting in front of it. She's thinking before turning to her drawing of the two hands wearing wedding rings. She looks at it closely.) GRAPHIC MATCH TO: [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (The camera focuses on the same picture stuck up on the wall in Nathan's apartment. Nathan walks past the wall with determination, and to the front door. He opens it and stops to examine the apartment one last time, including the picture, before he closes the door and leaves that life behind him.) (He looks ahead with a small amount of sadness before pushing himself on.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAB - THE ROAD - DAY] (Karen is in the cab, on her way to the airport. She's on the phone.) KAREN: Oh, he still hasn't checked in? (Pause) Oh-no, no message, thank you. (She shuts the phone, thinking.) (The cab passes Dan Scott Motors.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Close-up of single malt scotch whiskey and an envelope with Dan's name printed across the front, on the desk. Dan drops his keys and picks up the envelope. He pulls up the card, reading it and smiling. He drops it back onto the desk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - ATTIC - DAY] (Nathan is going through things he has no right to; opening drawers and sifting through boxes.) (Lucas walks up into the room.) LUCAS: What's going on? NATHAN: (Flipping through a book.) Where is it? LUCAS: ... Where's what? NATHAN: Whatever it is you have on my dad, where is it? LUCAS: Nathan, look. NATHAN: Lucas, you said you were done! (Lucas sighs and looks down.) (Nathan gets it and goes through Lucas' bag.) LUCAS: N-Nate, you don't wanna do that! (Nathan grabs the annulment papers in the envelope and takes it out. He doesn't realise what it is as he pulls the papers out.) LUCAS: (Desolately) I wanted to tell you,... Nate. (Nathan drops his hand to his side and scoffs.) LUCAS: I was just... waiting for the right time. NATHAN: You went to see her. (Pause) You're just full of lies, aren't you? (Stalks past him.) LUCAS: Nathan! NATHAN: You don't wanna push this right now, Lucas! Trust me! (Nathan walks down the steps and exits. Lucas doesn't move.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Dan is sitting in his office when Lucas comes to the door.) DAN: (Not looking at him.) So the prodigal son returns. (Lucas enters.) DAN: You looking for this? (Holds up the ledger.) (Lucas looks at it, not saying a word.) DAN: Or, maybe, (Stands) you're looking for this. (He grabs a bag and throws it at Lucas. Lucas looks down and sees money sticking out of it.) DAN: Go on, take a closer look. (Lucas eyes him before bending down and picking the bag up. He takes out one wad of cash and flicks through it, they are blank.) DAN: How stupid do you think I'd be? (Lucas throws the bag on the floor and the 'money' along with it.) Who keeps money in the ceiling?(!) Or a ledger of their criminal activities? Uses jersey numbers as a combination. (Smirks) Although you did figure that out so you're not entirely dense(!) LUCAS: (Squints) Why? DAN: Why? To test your loyalty, Lucas. (Pause) You know what the shame is? (Pause) I would have given you the world, son. (Pause) I would have welcomed you in with open arms. (Lucas just sneers, not caring because Dan manages to ruin every life that touches him.) DAN: But you failed the test. (Pause) And for that, you get nothing(!) For that, you are nothing. LUCAS: (Shakes his head at him.) So it was all a lie? The money in the ceiling, the bank account in my name. DAN: No, the account was real. I built that since you were a boy, but that's gone now, too. So's your heart medication. (Lucas looks down.) The game's over, you lose. LUCAS: (Shakes his head and advances.) No. (Pause) You're wrong. (Smirks) Because I can finally let you go. (Pause) I mean nothing to you? (With sincerity.) You mean nothing to me. I'm out. (He walks to the exit.) DAN: That's where you're wrong. (Lucas stops and turns back to him slowly.) DAN: You'll never be out. (Goads) Son. LUCAS: (Beat) We'll see about that. (Lucas exits. Dan looks down at the desk and downs the glass of whiskey with a smirk on his face.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton is carrying a big bag out of the room. Apparently, she's the only one moving anybody out of their old lives with no help from the actual people. She drops the bag with a sigh and shuts the door behind her.) PEYTON: OK, (Points back.) that is the last bag, box or suitcase I shift this summer. (Brooke pouts at her, sad.) PEYTON: Your cab's on the way. BROOKE: (Whining) I don't wanna go! PEYTON: I know. (Pause) And I don't want you to go (Hugs her and Brooke moans.) but life sucks like that(!) (Peyton holds her at arms length.) PEYTON: But, hey, you are going to be back in no time and then we will be seniors and oh what fun we will have then(!) BROOKE: Like what? PEYTON: Hmmm, like... kidnapping... and... getting married (Brooke turns away, smiling.) and... burning letters from guys before we read them. (Smiles) Speaking of, where is our boyfriend? BROOKE: I don't know. I guess he's not even coming to say goodbye to me. (Brushes it off.) Suppose it's a test... for the new me. PEYTON: I'm sure he will be here. (Pause) I, on the other hand, will not. BROOKE: (Confused) What(!)? PEYTON: I promised Karen I wouldn't sleep on TRIC and I've gotta return the keys to Deb. (Brooke frowns.) I'm sorry. (Brooke whines.) PEYTON: I'm gonna miss you, Brooke Penelope Davis(!) (Peyton hugs her again.) BROOKE: I'm gonna miss you, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. (They let go.) Hoes over Bros? PEYTON: (Nods) Um-hm. Buds over Studs. (They laugh and hug again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - BENCHES - DAY] (Lucas is sitting on the benches, thinking. He has a basketball next to him.) LUCAS: I thought you weren't talking to me. (Nathan walks into the shot.) NATHAN: I'm not. (Comes to a stop.) I'm going to High Flyers. LUCAS: (Pleased) Nate, that's great(!) (Holds out his fist.) NATHAN: (Looks at it.) When I get back,... al this brother stuff is over. LUCAS: (Lowers his arm.) What? NATHAN: You lied to me, Lucas; about my dad... and about going to see Haley. I've got enough of that in my life. LUCAS: Nathan, I was trying to help. NATHAN: Yeah, well you can stop that now. (Pause) All I need you to do for me is knock down shots next year, that's it. (Lucas is dumbfounded.) NATHAN: We're not brothers. (Pause) We're not even friends. (Nathan turns and walks away. Lucas is completely alone again, like it was at the beginning only now he doesn't even have Haley with him. It is a complete contrast to the end of last season. Lucas considers it all.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (The room is bare and Brooke is sitting on the bed in an empty house.) BROOKE: Well,... (Exhales) I'll see ya, Brooke. Have a nice summer. Oh, thanks, everybody(!) (Scoffs) LUCAS: (o.s) Talking to yourself? (The camera pans to the door. Lucas is standing there.) BROOKE: (Turns to him.) What, is your... summer job driving a cab? (Lucas shuts the door.) LUCAS: I put your stuff in the car. (She shrugs sadly.) BROOKE: So I guess this is goodbye? (Lucas doesn't answer. He holds out his arm and Brooke stands, hugging him. Her smile turns sad. He lets go and she steps back, smiling sadly. There's a beat before Lucas pulls her forward and kisses her.) (They break apart and Brooke stares at him; open mouthed and disbelieving.) BROOKE: Tell me that was a goodbye kiss. LUCAS: ... I wanna be with you, Brooke. BROOKE: (Takes a step back.) What? LUCAS: I'm sorry. I know we're friends... it's just how I feel. BROOKE: (Tears in her eyes.) What about Peyton's stuff? LUCAS: I keep that stuff as a reminder of how badly I screwed up things. (Pause) With you. To remind myself, if I ever get a second chance,... I'd never let you go again. (He looks at her steadily.) (Brooke's speechless.) BROOKE: I don't know what to say. (Pause) I, um,... (The cab driver horns for her to hurry up. She looks to the side, where the door is located.) (Lucas is desperate for an answer. More tears gather in Brooke's eyes and she nods.) BROOKE: (Whispering) I gotta go. (She walks past him slowly.) LUCAS: (Turning) Brooke? (She turns.) You think... you could ever- BROOKE: Lucas,... (Holds up her hand.) I'm sorry. (She sniffs.) BROOKE: I,... I gotta go. (She opens the door.) BROOKE: (Despairingly) Bye(!) (She walks out.) LUCAS: (To himself, sadly.) Have a nice summer, Brooke. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (A lock clicks and the safe door opens. Dan puts the ledger back inside and smirks before closing the door. He walks to the desk and pours himself some more of the whiskey.) (He sits and drinks from the glass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CAB - THE ROAD - EVENING] (Brooke is sitting in the back and crying.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' ROOM - EVNING] (Close-up of Lucas' pill bottle. He opens it and tips it out onto his palm. There is one left. He taps it but nothing else comes out. He looks up worriedly with a severe frown.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDRROM - EVENING] (The camera pans across Peyton's wall and to her bed where she's lying. Her doorbell rings and Peyton's instantly worried. It's too late at night and none of her friends ever ring the bell.) (She gets off the bed, rushes down the stairs and goes straight to the front door. She opens it and Ellie is standing there.) ELLIE: I know it's late. I-I- PEYTON: You're right,... it is late. (Pause) As a matter of fact, it's half past the crazy bitch so leave me alone! (Tries to shut the door.) ELLIE: Peyton, (Stops the door from shutting in her face.) I can explain. PEYTON: Explain what!? That you're a stalker,... or that you're insane and you've been sending me creepy e-mails?! ELLIE: I didn't send you anything. PEYTON: Yeah, right(!) I called your supposed magazine; they've never even heard of you. ELLIE: (Pauses for a long time.) My name is Elizabeth. PEYTON: (Not caring.) Great, so even your name is a lie. ELIZABETH: Like your middle name: Elizabeth. (Pause) It's where you got your middle name. (Peyton is too shocked for words... for a little while.) PEYTON: Who are you? ELIZABETH : (Pause) I'm your mother. (Peyton raises her eyebrows at her, confused and disbelieving.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Dan is still drinking the whiskey by himself. Suddenly, he realises that something's wrong. He blinks and then looks at the neck of the bottle, frowning. He touches it and looks at his finger; there's white residue there. It occurs to him that he's been drugged.) (He looks down at the card which says; 'For everything you've done.' There's no name. This in itself should have made him suspicious as he has never done anything nice for anyone in his life - ever.) (His vision blurs and his movements become jerky. He hits the bottle and it falls to the floor; smashing and spilling alcohol everywhere. He gasps and looks up as somebody else enters the room. He stares at the person but the only thing visible is a shoulder in a black top.) (Dan looks at the person as if he's been betrayed. The camera closes in on a gloved hand as a lighter is flicked on and the flame leaps to life.) (Dan loosens his tie as he sweats, but has no way of escape. The lighter is thrown onto the alcohol and flames immediately spread everywhere. Dan passes out. The flames climb up the cupboard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE (EST) - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Nathan shuts the door behind himself, laden down with his belongings. He is wearing a black t-shirt.) (He sets his things down and looks up.) DEB: Oh, Nathan, I was hoping that was you. (Rushes to him.) I've been here, alone, all night(!) NATHAN: I had,... something to do. (Sighs) DEB: (Beat) Oh, honey. (Hugs him) I know this is hard for you but, I promise you, we'll be free soon. NATHAN: (Thinking) I know we will. (Deb touches his face and Nathan smiles.) DEB: Do you need help with anything? NATHAN: No, I just... I have one more bag in the car. DEB: (Nods) OK. (She touches his arm and walks away.) (Nathan sighs and opens the door again. His expression freezes as he sees Haley standing there - not in a black top - with tears in her eyes.) HALEY: (Sadly) Hi. (Nathan doesn't say anything as Haley waits.) (Pan up to the roof of the house as Deb watches them from her window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - EVENING] (Lucas sits next to Peyton on the beach. Neither says anything for a long while.) LUCAS: Looks like it's just you and me this summer. (Peyton looks at him and nods sadly before hugging him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Shot of Dan's framed basketball jersey as the room continues to burn.) LUCAS: (v.o) Tennessee Williams once wrote: 'We all live in a house of fire.- (Pan right to a framed picture of Deb, Nathan and Dan; taken after Nathan won a trophy.) LUCAS: (v.o) -No fire department to call.- (All of the shelves are on fire and Dan is still passed out inside.) LUCAS: (v.o) -No way out. (Pause) Just the upstairs window to look out of- (The camera pans to Dan who is still lying there but unharmed as of yet.) LUCAS: (v.o) -while the fire burns the house down... with us trapped, locked in it.' (The camera backs into the window with Dan in-between it and the fire. There's a beat before the fire explodes, engulfing Dan and reaching the blinds of the window.) FADE TO BLACK: END CREDITS ROLL:

In the second part of the two-hour season finale, things heat up between Lucas and Brooke when he finally tells her the way he feels. Peyton has a surprising visitor. Karen decides to spend the summer holiday in New Zealand. At the climax of Dan's numerous deceptions, someone sets the dealership on fire while he is still inside. And Haley returns home. This episode is named after a song by The Veils .

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[Scene: Rachel's bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.] The Singing Man: (singing, duh) Morning's here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning's here! The morning's here! Rachel: HEY!! Do you have to do that? It's Saturday! The Singing Man: Oh come on! Morning's here! (Starts singing) Morning's here! The morning is here! Sunshine is here! (Rachel slams shut her window and storms into the living room, where Joey and Monica are eating breakfast.) Rachel: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy! Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Morning's here! Morning is here- Rachel: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small. Monica: Hey, I have all the space I need. Just do what I did. Rachel: Monica, you don't even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor! Monica: Y'know what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live! Rachel: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Monica: Okay. Joey: See, this is a great apartment. Monica: Shut up! This place is a hole! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Ross's bedroom; Ross and Emily are making out. Ross as a new feature.] Emily: Oh, blimey, I still can't believe you've got an earring! (Yep, it's a little gold loop.) Ross: Huh? I know, I know. Who am I? David Bowe? (Shakes his head around, pretending like he's jamming.) Emily: He does that?! Ross: Uh, I don't know, whatever. Emily: I think it makes you look really dangerous. Ross: Oh, I know. Y'know what, I never would've gotten this if it weren't for you. No really, when I'm with you I'm-I'm like this whole other guy, I love that guy! I mean, I love you too, a lot, but that guy! I-I love that guy! Emily: I love both of you! Ross: Yeah? (They kiss.) Emily: I wish I didn't have to go. Ross: Then don't. Stay here. Just don't go so soon to London, just one more day. Emily: Ohh, Ross, please! Ross: One more day, seriously/ Emily: Don't do this to me, again. You'd know I'd stay here in a minute, but I'd really miss so much work, they'll fire me. Ross: So, then you can stay as long as you want. Emily: I wish I could. Ross: Oh no. Don't, don't, don't start packing. Come on! (She puts some clothes into her bag, and Ross throws them out.) Emily: I don't think you understand packing. Look, I just don't want to leave it to the last minute. Last time I left in such a rush, I left my knickers here. Ross: Yeah, I know, I uh, I tried them on. Emily: You didn't! Ross: No. No, I didn't. I didn't want to be that guy. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.] Phoebe: (entering, wearing Santa pants) Hello! Chandler: Ho! Ho! Ho! Phoebe: Excuse me. Chandler: Your pants! Phoebe: Oh, yeah! You like 'em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooo comfortable! Joey: Uhh, Pheebs, those are uh, those are Santa pants. Phoebe: What? Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe still doesn't get it.) Santa Claus's pants. Phoebe: Nuh-uh! They're maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists who's been naughty and who's been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh. Rachel: (entering) Hey! Monica: (entering) Hey! Rachel: So-Hey, Pheebs! So, how are the elves? Phoebe: I don't know! How are the-the-the-the, y'know-You're clothes aren't funny. Monica: Hey, guys, what-what should I wear to a Knicks game? Chandler: Uhh, a T-shirt that says, "I don't belong here." Joey: You have Knicks tickets? Rachel: Yeah, my mom got my dad's season tickets in the divorce, so she just gave them to me. Monica: Yeah, apparently, they're pretty good seats. Rachel: Yeah. Joey: (examining the tickets) Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor! Rachel: Do you guys want these? Joey: Yeah! Chandler: Yeah we do! Rachel: Ohh, well you got 'em. Both: All right! Rachel: Just give us our apartment back! Phoebe: Boy! I didn't see that coming! Chandler: Are you serious? Rachel: Oh, come on! We know what these are worth. Monica: Yeah, what, do you think we're stupid? Joey: You're not stupid. You're meaner than I thought. Monica: What do you say? Chandler: Forget it! Okay, I'm not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats! Rachel: You're bachelor pad?! Monica: Have you even had a girl up here? Chandler: No. But uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time. Joey: Yeah, you do! [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.] Joey: Come on! Chandler: (ignoring him) Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please? Gunther: Good one. Joey: Come on, season tickets! Season tickets, do you know what that means? Chandler: Forget it! Okay, I'm not giving up the apartment. Joey: Oh come-look, when I was a kid my dad's company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasn't in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that! Ross: (entering) Hey, guys! (They both notice his new little friend) Joey: Hey! Chandler: Oh my God! Joey: We don't make enough fun of you already? Ross: Oh yeah, Emily convinced me to do it. Chandler: You do know that Wham broke up? Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and that's what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing? Joey: Oh-no, don't try and talk all normal with that thing in your ear. Chandler: Where is Emily? Ross: Ugh, she's saying good-bye to her uncle. Chandler: Man, didn't she like just get here? Ross: Yeah!! Yeah! Chandler: Easy tiger. Ross: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, it's-it's so great. But at the same time I'm thinking, "Well, I'm gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off." Chandler: So what are you going to do? Ross: Nothing! There's nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-she'd have to uh, move here. She should move here! Joey: What? Ross: I could ask her to live with me! Chandler: Are you serious? Ross: I mean, why not! I mean, I mean why not?! Chandler: Because you've only known her for six weeks! Okay, I've got a carton of milk in my fridge I've had a longer relationship with! Ross: Look guys, when I'm with her it's-it's-it's like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, y'know? Chandler: And I love the milk! But, I'm not gonna some British girl to move in with me! (Realizes that made no sense.) Joey, you say things now. Joey: All right look, Ross, he's right. Emily's great, she's great! But this way too soon, you're only gonna scare her! Ross: I don't want to do that. Joey: No! You don't want to wreck it, you don't want to go to fast! Ross: Yeah, no, you're right, I know, you're right, I'm not, I'm not gonna do it. All right, thanks guys. (Gets up to leave.) Chandler: Okay, no problem, just remember to wake us up before you go-go. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.] Phoebe: That's too hard. Too hard! Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets! Rachel: Or I'll give them to my new boyfriend, Joshua. Chandler: No thank you. Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, let's trade! The timing's perfect, I just clogged the toilet! Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we can't leave in the small apartment after we've lived here! Didn't you ever read Flowers for Algernon? Joey: Yes! Didn't you ever read Sports Illustrated?! No! I didn't read yours! But come on, we can go to the game tonight! Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats. Joey: It's the Knicks! Chandler: Screw the Knicks! Joey: Whoa! Chandler: I didn't mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more. Joey: Huh. Chandler: And the Knicks rule all. Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule all! Phoebe: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it? Chandler: No. No. We're not gonna do that, y'know why? Because its not an even trade. Rachel: All right, okay, look, what if you could keep the apartment and get the tickets? Joey: Done! Rachel: Let me finish. Joey: Oh. Rachel: I'm talking about a bet, winner takes all. Joey: Ooh, we could end up with nothing. Phoebe: Or you could end up with everything. Joey: Ooh, I like that. Monica: All right, so what do you say? Chandler: No! Monica: Oh, just do it!! Chandler: Op, op, I'm convinced! Joey: Come on man, you know I'd do it for you! Because, you're my best friend. Chandler: All right, but you can't use that again for a whole year. I'm in. Joey: All right! Phoebe: Ooh, this is so exciting! Ooh, God, what are you going to bet? Rachel: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because she's the only who's impartial, and she's so pretty. Phoebe: Okay. Umm, ooh, ooh-oh, I have a game! Joey: Okay! Chandler: Okay! Phoebe: This is great! Joey: What's the game?! What's the game?! Phoebe: Oh, well, it doesn't have a name-oh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesn't have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees? Monica: They're green? Phoebe: Good! Good! Five points! (They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.) Phoebe: All right, Joey, same question. (He looks to Chandler, who doesn't have a clue.) Joey: Uhh, they're tall. Phoebe: Ooh, three points. Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy. (Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didn't come up with the answer.) Monica: That's not even a game! Rachel: What? Shut up! We're winning! Monica: You wanna finish this right now? All right, we get a deck of cards, high card wins. What do you say? Chandler: Fine, let's do it. Phoebe: Oh, I have cards! Joey: Oh. Monica: Oh, good. Phoebe: Yeah! Here! (She grabs a deck out of her purse) Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay. Chandler: Okay, you guys uh, you guys pick first Rachel: Okay. Monica: Okay. (She picks a card.) Four. Chandler: That's a low one! Joey: Yeah! Okay. (Joey picks a card.) Phoebe, you look, I can't. Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.) Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace! (Both Joey and Chandler and Monica and Rachel jump up and down for joy.) Chandler: Why are you screaming and hugging? Monica: Because we won our apartment back! Joey: What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace! Monica: No! Ace is low! Ace, two, three, four! (They all look to Phoebe to settle this.) Phoebe: I don't know. Ooh! Ooh! Look it! (She fans out the trick deck.) Ah-ha! Rachel: All right, cut, let's pick again, pick again. Joey: Okay. Rachel: Come on apartment! Come on apartment! (Picks a card.) Oh! I know queen is high! Joey: Uh-huh, not as high as...(picks a card) It worked! King! Chandler: Yeah baby! Monica: But, we pick again! We pick again! Joey: Why?! Monica: I don't know! Chandler: Tickets please! (Rachel hands over the tickets) That's courtside baby! Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back! Chandler: No they didn't! [Scene: Ross's apartment, Emily has packed as Ross returns.] Ross: Hey! Emily: I packed while you were gone. I left some knickers under your pillow. Ross: (laughs) Move in with me. Emily: What?! Ross: Don't be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say it's too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be. Emily: Ohh, no. Ugh. Oh, leaving London, my whole family lives there. Ross: I know. Emily: My job! Ross: Well, so, you-you'll get a job here! I mean, I'm always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you! Emily: Yeah, but it-it-it's my whole life-you come to England. Ross: No, I can't. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I can't leave him. Isn't-you don't think there's any way? Emily: Ohh, I don't think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future -and-and-and we were getting married or something. Ross: What? Emily: Oh no, no, right I shouldn't have said married. Uh, please don't go freaky on me. I didn't mean it. Well, I didn't say it; I take it back! Ross: No, no, don't. Why don't we? Emily: Why don't we what? Ross: Get married. Emily: You are mad! Ross: No! No! I'm not! It's-it's-it's perfect! I mean it's better than you just-just moving here, 'cause it's us together forever, and that's-that's what I want. Emily: We've only known each other for six weeks! Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, who's-who's to say? Does that me we-we can't do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesn't it? Emily: My parents are going to be really mad. Ross: Is that-are you saying yes? Is that yes? Emily: Yes. (They kiss and hug.) Emily: Yes! Ross: Yes! We're getting married?! Emily: Oh my God! Ross: Yes! Emily: We're getting married! Ross: Come here, come here. Uh, (He takes the earring out.) ow! Emily, will you marry me? Emily: Yes. (He tries to put it on her finger.) Emily: Ohh, it's a bit small. Ross: Damn! I thought that was going to be romantic as hell! Emily: It was. (They kiss.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.] Chandler: Those were like the best seats ever. Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Y'know, kinda like a peace offering. Chandler: Oh yeah, that's very nice. Plus, y'know they were free and they're too small. (He knocks on the girls' door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesn't even realise it.) Chandler: Oh. Oh, God! (He starts running around like a chicken with his head cut off.) Joey: Hey, want a beer? (Hands him a beer and sits down in one of the chairs.) (Jumping up.) WHOA!!!! Chandler: I KNOW!!! (They both sprint to what used to be their apartment.) Chandler: Open up! Open up! Open up! (A very angry Monica opens the door with the security chain still on.) Monica: We'll discuss it, in the morning! (Slams the door shut.) Chandler: What the hell is going on?! (It's Rachel's turn to open the door.) Rachel: We took our apartment back!! (Slams the door shut.) Phoebe: (opening the door) I had nothing to do with it. (Closes the door.) (Opens the door.) Okay, it was my idea, but I don't feel good about it. (She goes to close the door, but Chandler puts his foot it in.) Chandler: We are switching back, right now! Monica: No, we're not! We're not leaving! Chandler: Well, you're gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we're switching it back! There's nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe? Joey: I don't know. Chandler: What? Joey: I don't want to move again! Chandler: I don't care, this is our apartment! And they stole-you stole it-our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I'm getting back right now! (They open the door.) Rachel: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer. Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can't offer anything to us! Rachel: Let us keep the apartment and... Monica: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute. [Time lapse. The guys are entering their apartment.] Chandler: Totally worth it! Joey: That was one good minute! Chandler: Good night. Joey: Good night. (They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.) [Cut to the girls apartment.] Monica: Men are such idiots. Rachel: Yeah! Can you believe that something that stupid actually got us our apartment back? Phoebe: That's so funny to think if you'd just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all. Monica: Yeah, let-let-let's pretend that's not true. Rachel: Yeah. Phoebe: Okay, scarf's done. (It's not really a scarf, it's just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.) Ross: Come on! Come on. Come on. Chandler: Okay! Phoebe: Hey! Ross: Hey! Monica: What-what's going on? Joey: Ross has some big thing to tell everyone. Ross: Uhh, okay, it's uh, Emily and I, we decided to uh, to get married. (The gang is stunned.) Phoebe: What? Oh, are you pregnant too?! Emily: Umm, no. Monica: When, when did-how, how did you... Ross: We, we just decided to uh, to go for it. Emily: I mean, we know it's a bit hasty but, uh, it just feels so right, so... (Rachel slowly walks in from her bedroom. She is stunned speechless.) Ross: (turning around.) Umm, uh, I was just telling the guys... Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachel's reaction.) I think it's great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, I'm so happy for you! (Seeing Rachel's apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.) Chandler: Oh, well, that's great! Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Monica: (to Ross) I can't believe you're getting married! Ross: Yeah. (They hug again.) Joey: Monica and Rachel made out. (Giggles like a schoolboy and Monica glares at him.) CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Joey's bedroom, he is awoken by the singing guy.] The Singing Man: (singing) Morning's here! The morning's here! (Joey joins him.) Both: Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning's here! The Singing Man: Hey! You're back! Joey: Hey! (Singing) Get into gear! The Singing Man: (singing) Breakfast is near! Both: The dark of night has disappeared!! The Singing Man: I'll see you tomorrow morning! Joey: (happily) Okay!

Monica and Rachel make desperate attempts to win their apartment back from Joey and Chandler, including bribing them with Knicks tickets and challenging them to another game. The girls lose the tickets and the game, but are ultimately triumphant in getting their place back with Phoebe's help. Ross is disheartened with Emily returning to London again, so they spontaneously decide to get married.

fd_FRIENDS_06x24

fd_FRIENDS_06x24_0

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is showing Ross, Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe his engagement ring again.] Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever! Rachel: Yeah? Well, you should know. You've bought like a billion of 'em. Ross: Yeah, you didn't get one. Chandler: Okay, well tonight's the big night. Phoebe: Yeah! Joey: Okay listen, how are you gonna ask her? Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. I'm going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast I'm just gonna propose. Rachel: Ohh... Joey: That sounds perfect! Chandler: Yeah. Joey: You're gonna mess it up let me do it. Chandler: I'm not gonna mess it up. Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring? Chandler: She's not gonna say no. Phoebe: If! Monica: (entering) Hey! Ross: Hey! (Monica's entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.) Chandler: Hey! Phoebe: (with her mouthful) Hi Monica. (Monica goes into her room.) Chandler: (To Phoebe) Give me it! Phoebe: It's gone. Chandler: Phoebe! (She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.) Joey: Hey! Chandler: (with his mouthful) Hi Monica. (She goes into the bathroom.) Phoebe: (To Chandler) We're practically kissing. (Makes a kissy face and winks at him.) Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there as Rachel enters.] Rachel: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey Rach! Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler? Chandler: (glaring at her) Well, Monica and Chandler can't go. We're going to dinner remember?! Rachel: Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Monica: What's the big deal? Chandler: I just get mad when Rachel doesn't remember where we're going. Joey: Where are you going? (Chandler stares at him.) Rachel: How about you guys? (Points to Phoebe and Joey.) Phoebe: Open bar? Rachel: I think so. Phoebe: I can do that for the kids. Joey: Hey, y'know what? I'll come too. I'm making money now; it's about time I give something back. Chandler: Well, you could also give back the money you owe me. Joey: Okay. Have a benefit. Ross: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Ross, listen can you come to a charity event tonight? Ross: Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth. Chandler: Oh, so you're already doing your part for the kids. Ross: I'm sorry, it's just one of my last nights together before she leaves for camp-to be a counselor! Monica: Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going? Chandler: Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didn't agree to that! Monica: Do you really see this as a long-term thing? Ross: I don't know. Phoebe: Y'know, you are 12 years older than her. Ross: Wait a minute, does-does everyone feel this way? All: Yeah! Yeah, sort of. I'm sorry. Ross: Uh-uh-Wow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesn't really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, I'm the one dating Elizabeth, not you! Joey: That's not what she said last night. (Ross glares at him.) Rachel: See? Now, he could date her. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is practicing proposing.] Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) What's going on little elves? Joey: It's the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck! Ross: Yeah, yeah you have the ring? Chandler: Yeah, right here in my pocket. (Pats his pocket. Phoebe smiles, goes over to hug him, and removes the ring from his pocket.) Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh! Oop! (Hands him back the ring.) Chandler: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and she's gonna know. Ross: (to the rest of them) Yeah-yeah you guys. Get out of here! (Monica enters from the bedroom.) Monica: Hi guys. Chandler: (To Monica) You look beautiful. Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) What's going on? Rachel: (breaking up) We're just really...very excited about this charity event that we have to go to. [Scene: The Charity Event, they're holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.] Phoebe: Here. Rachel: Oh! Thank you! Phoebe: So now what's going on here? Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it. Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, what's going on with your hair? Rachel: (suddenly worried) Uh, wh-why? Phoebe: No! It's nice! (Rachel's boss, Mr. Thompson walks up.) Mr. Thompson: Nice to see you Rachel. Rachel: Oh, hi! Mr. Thompson: So glad you brought someone. Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) He's the head of my department. Phoebe: Oh, hi. (They shake hands.) Rachel: And I also brought my friend Joey... Joey: (behind them) Oh!! Shrimp toast! (Walks right past the little group on his way for the shrimp toast.) Rachel: Well, y'know I-I don't know where he is. Mr. Thompson: Well, I hope you're gonna bid on some things Rachel. Rachel: Well, y'know what? Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip to Paris. Mr. Thompson: Ohh, nice choice. Rachel: Yeah. Mr. Thompson: Good luck. Rachel: Thank you. (Mr. Thompson walks away and after he's left.) Okay, (writing her bid down) twenty dollars. [Scene: Elizabeth's Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.] {Transcriber's Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So I'm just gonna guess since it doesn't matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)} Zoe: Shut the door! Shut the door!! (Runs over and closes the door.) Ross: What's-what's going on? Elizabeth: The guys across the hall are throwing water balloons at us. Ross: Oh, you have to call the police! That's what I did to the kids in my building! Elizabeth: No, it's a water balloon fight! We started it! Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, it's supposed to be excellent. The director is the same... Elizabeth: (ignoring him and picking up a pitcher) Who drank all the Kamikazes? Sarah: (approaching with two filled balloons in her hands) Nobody! We put them in here! (Indicates the aforementioned balloons causing both of them to scream in delight and start drinking from the balloons.) Elizabeth: (To Ross) You want some?! (Starts to squirt the Kamikaze at him.) Ross: No! Okay! Okay! (Stops her.) Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second? Elizabeth: Yeah, sure. Ross: Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? It's-it's gotten great reviews! Y'know the uh... (Suddenly the door opens and two guys come rushing in wielding water balloons.) First Dorm Guy: Attack! (They start lobbing the balloons in. Ross desperately tries to get out of the line of fire but is struck in the back. The girls all retreat to relative safety behind the couch.) Second Dorm Guy: Put your balloons down! The Girls: You put your balloons down!! First Dorm Guy: You put your balloons down!! (Both opposing camps start screaming at each other to drop their weapons and surrender. Finally, Ross steps in as a mediator.) Ross: (screaming) Everybody put their balloons down!!! (There is a temporary cease fire.) Now this is a nice suit!! (Shows everyone where he was hit.) [Scene: The Charity Event, Mr. Thompson is announcing the winners of the silent auction.] Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300. Rachel: Ugh! So close! (Phoebe returns a with a tray full of different kinds of drinks.) Phoebe: Hey you guys! Look! Joey: Hey! Phoebe: I got me some drinks! Rachel: What are you doing? Phoebe: Open bar! Rachel: Well now it's an empty bar. Phoebe: You just can't stand anyone else enjoying themselves can't you? Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentleman's day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.) Joey: I won! That was my guess! Rachel: What?! What?! What?! Joey: I guessed 20,000! Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You don't guess, you buy! Joey: What?! I don't have 20,000! Mr. Thompson: Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani!! (Everyone applauds and he stands up slowly.) Rachel: Joey! Sit down! (Pulls him down.) Phoebe: Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding again. Joey waves and does a salute.] [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what he's looking for and sighs in relief.] Monica: What are you doing? Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (It's a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.) Monica: Are you okay? Chandler: Yes! Yes! I'm good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everything-are you-are you perrr-perfect?! Monica: Yeah. I'm okay. I'm actually-I'm a little cold, can I have your jacket? Chandler: Oh, yeah. (Starts to take it off and then realizes) Uh, no you can't have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you should've brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay? Monica: (laughs) Are you sure you're okay? Chandler: Yes! I'm fine. In fact I've been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you. Monica: Ohh that's sweet! Chandler: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldn't imagine growing old with... (As he's talking Monica notices someone familiar has just entered the restaurant. Let's see; I seem to remember him driving a Ferrari in Hawaii solving crimes as a private investigator and as a certain eye doctor in more recent times.) Monica: (interrupting him) Oh my God! Chandler: (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let me say it. Monica: Oh my God, Richard. (Yep, Richard's back.) Chandler: What?! I'm Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, that's Richard! Monica: Oh God, maybe he won't see us. Richard! (Monica smiles then acts shocked. Chandler can't believe she just did that.) Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler! Chandler: Hey-hey, hey! (Gets up and hugs him.) I don't know why I did that! Monica: Hey, it's good to see you! Richard: You too, you let uh, your hair grow long. Monica: Yeah-Oh that's right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back. Richard: Well, my nose got lonely. Chandler: (to Richard's date) And uh, you don't have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) I'm Chandler; I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable. Richard's Date: Hi, I'm Lisa. Chandler: Hi. Richard: Oh, I'm sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date. Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again. Monica: Chandler, wh-why don't we sit down? Chandler: Yeah, I'll sit down. (He slides back into his chair.) Monica: (to Richard) It's good to see you Matire'd: (to Richard) You're table's ready sir. Richard: Oh. Good to see you guys. Chandler: Yes. (Thinking he's gone.) Matire'd: (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandler's) Or if you prefer, this table is available. Richard: That might be fun. (Richard and Lisa sit down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are sitting at their table.] Rachel: What were you thinking?! Joey: I didn't know it was an auction! Rachel: Wh?! Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat! Rachel: Why would a charity give away a free boat?! Joey: I don't know! Charity? Rachel: Ugh! Phoebe: Well, just buy the damn boat! (She's still working her way through her tray of booze.) Rachel: Phoebe, don't you think you've had enough to drink? Phoebe: I'm just helping the kids! Rachel: How is you drinking helping the kids? Phoebe: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink. Mr. Thompson: (approaching) Mr. Tribbiani. Joey: Oh hi! Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center. Joey: Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth? Mr. Thompson: I think it was valued at 19,000 Joey: (To Rachel) Hey, I was pretty close. (She just glares at him.) Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I can't buy the boat, I don't have any money. (Mr. Thompson looks shocked and at Rachel, she suddenly starts laughing.) Rachel: Joey! Joey, good one! (Mr. Thompson starts to laugh.) Mr. Thompson: That's good. Very good! (Walks away.) (After he's left, Rachel stops laughing and glares at Joey again.) Joey: So uh listen, I think I'm gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.) Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You...can't...leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me! Joey: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I don't have that kind of money! Rachel: I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what we're gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then you're just gonna pay the difference. Joey: Okay. Rachel: Okay. Joey: Look, I don't know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Y'know? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine! Rachel: Not great. [Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandler's and Richard and Lisa's tables have been pushed together and they're all eating and talking.] Monica: And so, we're hiding in the bathroom. Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in. Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know they're going at it right on the bathroom floor. Lisa: (laughing) Oh my God! {Transcriber's Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.} Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy. (An awkward silence ensues.) Richard: It's so great seeing you guys again. I'd like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed." Monica: Ohh. Chandler: What?! (They all drink.) [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.] Ross: Oh my God, you guys!! (He's excited about what he thought happened.) Chandler: (stopping him from going any further) Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner! Ross: Who? Chandler: Richard! Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh that's right that's right. That's Richard's favorite place too. Chandler: Oh you knew that. Good! Monica: I thought you were going out with Elizabeth. Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight. Monica: Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just can't get out of! Ross: Y'know, maybe she is too young for me. Y'know, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I don't know what to do. Monica: Why don't you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean that's what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff. Ross: Okay umm, bad stuff. Well, I'm-I'm 12 years older than she is. Monica: If the school finds out you're fired. Ross: Hmm. Monica: She's leaving for three months. Chandler: For camp! Ross: Okay, good stuff. Umm, well she's-she's sweet and pretty and... Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didn't you?! Ross: No! No! I...didn't do that. It's just... Okay, honestly no. I don't, I don't see a big future with her. Monica: Okay well I think...that's your answer. Ross: I've got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part. Chandler: Hey, you have to forget about Elizabeth. I mean if you're not careful you may not get married at all this year! [Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table as Joey approaches.] Joey: Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one. Rachel: Oh great! Joey: (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four. Phoebe: Oh, okay. Rachel: (To Phoebe) Why do you care about the guy who won the Paris trip? Phoebe: It's a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy she's wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table? Emil Alexander: That was me. Phoebe: Oh, enchant e. (She holds out her hand for him to kiss it, but he only shakes it.) [Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.] Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table? Mr. Bowmont: That's me. Joey: Ahh, yes. (Pushes Rachel in front of himself so that she could do the talking.) Rachel: Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000. Joey: You-you have to pay that! It's not just a guess. Rachel: (To Joey) Okay. Okay. (Shushes him.) Mr. Bowmont: I was actually relieved uh I didn't win the boat. My wife would've killed me. Rachel: Ohh... Joey: Are you kidding me?! She's gonna this boat! Rachel: Y-Yeah! What-what is your wife's name? Mr. Bowmont: It's Pam. Rachel: Pam! Oh God okay, just imagine this, "The Pam." Joey: Aw-awww! Mr. Bowmont: I don't think she'd like that. Rachel: Okay, uh-uh imagine this, "The Mr. Bowmont." Joey: Oooooh... Mr. Bowmont: I don't think so dear. Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin' sail up the Hudson! You've got the wind in your h-(sees that he's bald)-arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that you've always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin'! You can-ooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when you're old, Cappy. Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, it's for a good cause! All right! Joey: No way! It's mine!! Rachel: (To Joey) What?! What?! Joey: All that stuff you just said? I want that! Rachel: But Joey you don't have $20,000! Joey: Who cares?! I-I'll make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!! [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.] Joey: Oh my God, you're back! Phoebe: Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! (Chandler is frantically trying to wave them off.) Monica: Why do you want to see my hand? Phoebe: I wanna see what's in your hand. I wanna see the trash. Joey: Yeah. (Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.) Phoebe: Eww! Oh, it's all dirty. You should throw this out. Monica: (suspiciously) Okay. (Exits to carry out Phoebe's wishes.) Chandler: (after the door closes) What did you guys just do?! Phoebe: What happened? Chandler: Richard was there so I couldn't do it! Joey: What?! Noooo... (Phoebe gasps.) Chandler: I'm gonna do it tomorrow y'know, and-and surprise her, but now you've ruined it! Joey: We didn't ruin it! Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a person's hands?! Phoebe: Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor... Joey: Glove salesman! Phoebe: Good one! Yeah. Chandler: This is terrible. What am I going to do? Phoebe: Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesn't know for sure, so just throw her off the track. Chandler: That's right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind. Phoebe: Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that you're scared of commitment! Convince her that you're a little coward! Chandler: I can do that, I've had 30 years of practice. Joey: Hey, being you is finally gonna pay off! (They give each other fives.) Monica: (entering) I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes! Joey: That guy's still doing that?! Rachel: (entering) Hey! (Sees Monica, gasps, and runs over to her.) Oh my God you're here, let me see your hand!! Phoebe: No, you're too late!!! She already took out the trash!!! [Scene: Outside of Elizabeth's dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.] Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didn't seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake? Elizabeth: (sticking her head out her window) Ross! Wait! Ross: Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about... Elizabeth: You suck!! Ross: What?! (She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the waist with another one.) Ross: Okay, break-up's still on! [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is looking out the window and Joey is sitting on the couch.] Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesn't want to get married? Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before. Monica: (entering) Hi guys! Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Monica: What are you up too? Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin' about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you. Joey: (laughs) Yeah, Big Brother. Monica: Well that's a little crazy. Although I am y'know glad to hear that you're branching out on what you look at on the Internet. Chandler: Yeah, well... Y'know, it just got me thinking though, why would anybody ever want to get married huh? Monica: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world! Chandler: Eh... Monica: Okay well that's good to know. (We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.) Joey: (all excited) The Mr. Bowmont's here!!! (Jumps over the back off the couch and runs out into the street.) [Scene: Monica's Restaurant's kitchen, she's cooking as a waitress sticks her head in.] Waitress: Hey Monica, there's a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in? Monica: Sure, I love this part! (Starts to look busy.) Waitress: (to the customer) Come on in. (The customer turns out to be...) Richard: Hi! Monica: Richard! Richard: Actually, I'm not here to complement the chef. Monica: Ohh... Oh, that's okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So what's up? Richard: Well, it was great seeing you the other night. Monica: Oh, good to see you too. Did you come down here to tell me that? Richard: No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause) to tell you I still love you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica's Restaurant, continued from earlier.] Monica: What uh-What did you-What?! Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldn't even be here telling you this, I mean you're with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say he's straight I'll believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didn't tell ya I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did. Monica: Y'know you're really not supposed to be back here! Richard: Well yeah, I'm sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you. Monica: Oh God... (Starts looking around.) Why don't they put chairs back here?! Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late? Monica: What the... Yes you're too late! Where was all this three years ago?! Richard: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Y'know after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head! Monica: What were you doing in Africa? Richard: Working with blind kids. Monica: Ohhh! What are you doing to me?! Oh look, I-I... I'm sorry but umm, this-this-this-this is not going to happen. Richard: Okay that's fine, I'll walk away. And I'll never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandler's willing to give you everything I am. Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, I'm the one that's making him wait! Richard: You are? Monica: Yeah! Richard: Why? Monica: Why? Because of the government. [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is bringing Phoebe some coffee.] Rachel: Isn't it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin' married. Phoebe: I know, they're gonna be so happy together. Rachel: Ohh... I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen? Phoebe: Not that often! Rachel: No! I'm so happy for them! Phoebe: Me too! So happy for them! Rachel: I'm so happy and not at all jealous. Phoebe: Oh no! No God, definitely not jealous! (They both take a drink of coffee.) Rachel: I mean I'm probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean what's 2%? That's nothing. Phoebe: Totally. I'm like 90/10. Rachel: Yeah me too. (Joey enters looking like Captain Stubing from the Love Boat.) Joey: Hey uh, have you guys scene Chandler? Rachel: (staring at him) Wh-no, but y'know who did stop in here looking for ya, Tennille. [Scene: A Pizza Joint, Chandler and Monica are eating lunch.] Monica: So that marriage stuff that you were saying yesterday, you don't really believe that do you? Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Let's take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs don't mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and that's just an ordinary pig not even a pig that's good at sports! Monica: Yeah, but that's pigs not people! Chandler: If marriage worked, I'd be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%. Monica: Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married? Chandler: Well, never say never but y'know probably uh yeah, never. Monica: Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?! Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why don't you put down your copy of 'The Rules' huh mantrap?! Monica: Y'know what?! I gotta go! Ugh! (She gets up and storms out. The people at the other tables are staring at Chandler.) Chandler: (to them) It's okay, I got a plan. [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still talking.] Rachel: We're gonna find love! Phoebe: Definitely! Rachel: Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that. That's what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though. Phoebe: What do you mean? Rachel: Well y'know, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time they're 40, they marry each other. Phoebe: You mean a backup? Rachel: Exactly! Phoebe: Yeah, yeah I got that. Rachel: You do? Phoebe: Hm-mmm. Rachel: Who? Phoebe: Joey. Rachel: Joey?! Phoebe: Yeah! Rachel: Are you serious?! Phoebe: Yeah, I locked him years ago! Rachel: Wh... So... If neither of you are married by the time you're 40, you're gonna marry Joey. Phoebe: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal. Rachel: Oh, seriously? Phoebe: Ohh, yeah. I think his exact words were... (She makes two clicking sounds with her tongue and purrs.) Rachel: Charming. Phoebe: Well hey, it's just a backup. Rachel: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, is practicing his slipknots as Monica enters.] Joey: Hey Monica! Monica: Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror? Joey: This is for my boat, pretty cool huh? Monica: Yeah, it's great. Joey: Whoa-whoa, what's the matter?! Talk to the captain! Monica: I'm just having one of those days where you realize you're in a dead-end relationship! Joey: Chandler giving you a hard time huh? Monica: It's not like I want to get married tomorrow! It's just that I-I'd like to believe that I'm in a relationship that's actually going somewhere, that I'm not just wasting my time! Joey: Well, you know Chandler. Monica: No I don't know Chandler! Not anymore! It's like it's like something's changed. Joey: Maybe you changed? Monica: I didn't change! Joey: Maybe that's the problem. Monica: What?! Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife. Monica: Is that some kind of boat talk? Joey: I don't know! (All excited) I haven't totally decided how to talk on my boat yet. Monica: What does he think? Does he think I'm just gonna wait around for nothing? Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be! Monica: (starts for the door) Well there's some people who do want to marry me. Joey: There are? Monica: Yeah! Richard! Joey: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and Chandler's tellin' ya how much he hates marriage?! Monica: That's right. Joey: Chandler loves marriage!! Monica: You just told me that he hates marriage! That-that he's a-a complex fellow who's unlikely to take a wife! That-that he's against marriage and always will be! Joey: You got that from what I said?! [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.] Narrator: When the Cretaceous period ended, the dinosaurs were gone. Ross: What happened you guys? (There's a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.) Ross: Rach! Rachel: Hey you! Ross: Hey, come on in. Rachel: Oh thank you. Hey y'know, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Elizabeth. Ross: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought we'd be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Rachel: Yeah, love. It's a tricky business isn't it? Ross: I guess so. Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time we're 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and we've-we've already slept together so y'know there'll be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "What's that?!" Ross: Right. Ohh! You-you want me to be your backup. Rachel: Exactly. Ross: Ohh, yeah I already have one. Rachel: What? Who? Ross: Phoebe. Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait a-but-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup. Ross: Ohh, I don't think so. Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal! Ross: That's impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.] Joey: Where the hell have you been?! Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor. Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her! Chandler: What?! Joey: Yeah! Yeah, I've been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldn't keep flying off! Chandler: My-Oh my God! Joey: I know! They suck!! Chandler: He's not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! I'm supposed to do that! Joey: I know! Chandler: Well what... Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go over there; I'm gonna kick his ass! (Pause) Will you help me?! Joey: Look, Chandler I don't think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica! Chandler: You're right. Joey: Yeah! Chandler: Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) I'm gonna get the ring! I'm gonna get the ring! (Does so) I'm gonna go find her and (starts running for the door) I'm just going to propose! Joey: Okay. Chandler: Okay great. Joey: Dude-dude-dude! Chandler: What?! Joey: Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Richard's Apartment, he's smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal...] Monica: Hi. Richard: Hi. Monica: I don't know why I'm here. Richard: I didn't ask. You wanna come in? Monica: I don't know. Richard: Oh, okay. Well, I'll just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.) Monica: (entering) Chandler is such an idiot! Richard: (standing up quickly) Drink? Monica: Yeah, I'll have a scotch... Richard: ...on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.) Monica: (moving over to the couch) Still smoking cigars? Richard: Uh, no! No! That's...art! If it bothers you I can put my art out. Monica: No that's, that's okay. Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Y'know, since we broke up do you ever, think about me? Monica: Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago. Richard: Oh really? Monica: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I don't like my new eye doctor. Richard: Who is it? Monica: Edward Nevski? Richard: Yeah he's no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way? Monica: No. Richard: Ahh. Monica: But getting over was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. And I never let myself think about you. (Richard mouths, "Wow!") [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups! Phoebe: Of course I can! It's just good sense to backup your backup! Look, I've already lost Chandler! Rachel: What?! Joey: (entering) Hey! Ross: (entering) Hey! Joey: Phoebe! We're both (points at Ross and himself) your backup?! Ross: Phoebe, how could you do this to me?! Phoebe: I don't-Look I don't know what you're complaining about now? You were both aware of the situation! (At the same time.) Joey: No we weren't! Ross: I was not! Phoebe: Okay, this kind of back talk is not gonna fly when we're married! Rachel: Phoebe you can't have both of them! You have to pick one! Joey: Pick me!! Ross: No! Pick me! I don't want to end up an old maid! Phoebe: All right well let's see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boat-This is hard! Joey: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel! Ross: Ooh, I wanna switch to Rachel too! (Rachel gets all happy.) Phoebe: No wait! Just-Okay-Just wait! You guys! Wait you guys! Don't make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married, three times a week. Rachel: Oh God, Phoebe! Phoebe: (To Rachel) I'm talking about massages. Rachel: Oh. (She turns her head away and when she's not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, I'm not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.) Rachel: Okay, y'know what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what we're gonna do! I'm gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and I'm gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay? Joey: Okay that's fair. Ross: All right. Phoebe: Good! (Rachel mixes them up in her hands, moves them all around, and puts her hands behind her back.) Rachel: Pick one. Phoebe: Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold and read them.) Thank you. Rachel: You're welcome. Phoebe: (reading) Ross! Rachel: (reading) Joey! (Pause) We should just switch. Phoebe: Yeah absolutely! (They both switch.) Joey: Yeah. [Scene: Richard's Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.] Monica: (to the mask) I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak! Richard: Excuse me? Monica: Oh! (Laughs and points at the mask.) Him. Richard: Oh. (Laughs.) Whew! Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-up's apartment! Y'know, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?! Richard: Yeah! You're saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache. Monica: Y'know, let's face it, I'm not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig s*x over lunch, I don't want that! Richard: I think that's fair. Monica: Fair? Please don't even talk to me about fair! Fair would've been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair would've been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Richard: It's okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh. Monica: Nothing. (She backs away a little bit but is still in his arms and looks up at his eyes.) I don't kn-Umm. I don't know. Umm... Richard: I know. (Backs away.) Monica: Y'know, I-I... I have to figure...some st-Y'know, some stuff before I can... Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. I'll be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.) [Scene: Richard's Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.] Richard: Chandler. Chandler: Where is she? I'm not scared of you! (Averts his eyes and walks in.) Richard: She's not here and please come in. Chandler: (examining the coffee table) Scotch on the rocks, with a twist, on a coaster? Ha-ha, Monica! Monica! Richard: Okay, she was here, but she left. Chandler: Well where did she go? Richard: Well she said she had to think things over. Chandler: Oh my God, I can't believe this! Y'know, I thought...I thought you were a good guy. Richard: Oh, hey look nothing happened. Chandler: Nothing happened? Nothing? So you didn't tell my girlfriend that you love her? Richard: Well all right, one thing happened? Chandler: Y'know what? I can't believe this! Do you know what you did? My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!! Richard: Well I'm sorry. Chandler: And what does she have to think about? I love her! Richard: Well, apparently I'm willing to offer her things that you are not. Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, y'know? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, she'd be surprised! Richard: Well if it helps, it worked very well. Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isn't fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight. Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.) Chandler: Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did you get a ring? Richard: No I don't have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, don't let her go. Trust me. Chandler: Y'know Richard...you are a good guy. Richard: I know. (Pause) I hate that! (Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.) [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.] Joey: Dude! Chandler: I can't talk to you now, I gotta find Monica! Joey: She's gone. Chandler: What? Joey: She's gone. She had a bag and she left. Chandler: What are you talking about? Joey: She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think. Chandler: Well why didn't you stop her?! Why didn't you just tell her it was a plan?! Joey: I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldn't believe me. Chandler: Well where... Where did she go? Joey: To her parent's I think and she said you shouldn't call her. But if I were you I would. Chandler: I can't believe I ruined this. Joey: I am so sorry man. (He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.) Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise. (He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.) Chandler: Oh my God. (Monica gets down on one knee.) Monica: Chandler... In all my life... I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to...fall in love with my best...my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this! Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought... (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me? Monica: Yes. (The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.) Monica: I knew you were likely to take a wife! (They hug again.) Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! We're dying out here! Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) We're engaged!!! (Everyone screams and has a group hug.) Rachel: Ohhh, this is the least jealous I've ever been! Phoebe: Oh no wait no, this is wrong! Ross isn't here! Monica: Oh... Rachel: Oh hell, he's done this three times! He knows what its about! Joey: Yeah! (They all hug again.) Ending Credits [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, it's just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]

Chandler is about to propose to Monica at a fancy restaurant when Richard suddenly appears with a date and joins them. Wanting his proposal to be a surprise at just the right time, Chandler then pretends he has no interest in marriage. Meanwhile, Ross breaks up with Elizabeth, feeling she is too immature for him. He almost reconsiders until she starts throwing water balloons at him. Joey accidentally buys a sailboat at a silent auction, thinking he won it in a contest. He decides to keep the boat. Richard tells Chandler he wants to marry Monica and have children with her. Chandler has made Monica believe he is uninterested in marriage so she reconsiders their relationship. It appears Monica has left him but she surprises him with her own proposal. She starts but becomes emotional so Chandler finishes. The season ends with Chandler and Monica dancing to "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton and the screen fades to black. Note: This is Tom Selleck 's last appearance as Richard.

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The bar Barney: I cannot stop staring at that girl's face. Ted: Face. Huh. That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet. Barney: No, Ted, I'm really looking at her face. Lily: Aw... That's actually really sweet. Barney: Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose... That girl was just crying. She's so sad and defenseless. Anyone have a condom? Everyone: Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no! Lily: That's it! You know what? Five-minute time-out! Corner booth! Now. Marsall: Hey, get this. You know my friend Max from law school? He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown, and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over. He wants us to come check it out. Robin: I don't know, it could be cool. I've never seen Woody Allen. Marsall: What?! Robin, how can you be a New Yorker and never have seen Woody Allen? Robin: I have seen plenty of other famous people. Last week I saw... Maury Povich. Ted from 2030: Kids, you know talk show host Maury Povich. It was uncanny how often we saw this guy. Lily: Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich. Marsall: Maury Povich is everywhere. I'm sorry, Robin, but you're not a real New Yorker until you've seen Woody Allen. Robin: I am, too, a real New Yorker. Ted: That's adorable. You're from Canada. Robin: I have been here for almost six years. It's not like I just got off a boat. Lily: A boat! Oh, wait, that is how you say it. Ted: I'd say you're not a real New Yorker until you've stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you do. Lily: No, you're not a real New Yorker till you've cried on the subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks. Marshall: No, you're not a real New Yorker until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hands. Robin: Those rules are all stupid, okay? I've never done any of those things. Ted from 2030: By the end of this day, Robin would have done all of those things. Barney: Okay, time's up. What are we talking about? Marshall: Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, and Robin thinks that we should go see him. Barney: Why would I do that? I'll see him at poker on Tuesday. Robin: Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab, we'll be there in 15 minutes. Lily: A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster. You just take the one, and transfer to the two-three. Ted: Well, the bus runs more often on weekends. Take the M-7 to the M-5. Barney: The bus? Every time I take the bus, there is one crazy person no one wants to sit near. That's why I have never taken the bus. Plus... I can run faster than a bus. Ted: Dude, that's, like, seven miles. You can't do that. You can't beat the bus! Marshall: I can beat a bus or a cab or a train! Robin: Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham? Marshall: Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg. Barney: You're all wrong... I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you, even if I sat down and ordered a big, juicy steak first. Marshall: How? Barney: Medium rare. But that's not important right now. Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay? Lily: Oh, my God! Barney: Oh, wow! Ted: All right, all right, hold on, hold on! Let's just forget about it. Who cares? I mean, there's no way to find out who's right anyway. First person there wins! (Everyone stand up et run outside)Doesn't matter how you get there! Barney: (to the sad girl at the bar) Stay sad! I'll be back! [OPENING CREDITS] Barney: Hi. Can I see a menu, please? No rush. Ted from 2030: Kids, I should tell you, Lily really needed a win that day. [FLASHBACK] (2 months earlier) Ted from 2030: When Marshall and Lily decided to have a baby, they assumed it would happen right away. Marshall: It's gonna be positive. Eriksen man are hella fertile. When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car. Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me. Lily: Negative. Ted from 2030: As the weeks went by, Marshall's confidence never wavered. Then it started to mess with Lily's head. Marshall: Negative? Well, we know it's not me. Lily: Everything's fine. These things take time. Marshall: Not with an Eriksen. Something must be wrong with you. Also, my mom hates you. Lily: You know what? Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again. Marshall: What? No, you wouldn't. Somebody help me! Somebody help me! [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted from 2030: Lily was so fed up with not getting anywhere, maybe winning this race was just what she needed. Lily jumps into the subway train Man: Idiot! Marshall is running in the street Marshall: I'll show them. My body can outrun any motorized vehicle. I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine. All I need is a great folk song. Folk singer: *Gather round, ye children to hear the tale so sweet of a man who dared to race machines with nothing but his feet* Marshall: Suck it, grand-butt! Folk singer: * Marshall versus the machines * Robin calls a taxi Robin: Ooh, taxi! Man: Excuse me, I got a thing. Lily is in the subway train Speaker: Maury... Maury... Lily: Track maintenance? 20-minute delay? Man: How do you do that? Lily: I grew up here, I speak conductor. Damn it! (she gets off the train) Damn it! Ted is in the bus Ted from 2030: Kids, I also needed a win that day. A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a web site called... [FLASHBACK] (The bar) Ted from 2030: A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a web site called... Ted: Grademyteacher.net? Marshall: It's this awesome site where students can go say what they really think about their professors. Hey, you're probably on there. Ted from 2030: I just had to see what my students had written about me. And it was... Majestic. Until... [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted from 2030: Now, kids, I knew I was a good Professor. That's why I didn't let it bother me. I had nothing to prove. Absolutely nothing. Ted: Here's a fun fact. See the Alberta Building over there? Man: Oh. The brown one or the gray one? Ted: That's the gray one. Did you know that in 18... (the man falls asleep) Barney is at the restaurant Barney: Hey! Come on! Elizabeth! (Barney falls down) Waiter: Somebody call an ambulance! Robin is trying to get the cab from a woman Robin: Excuse me, I've got a thing. Woman: Hey! That's my cab! Robin: Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown. Woman: (jumping onto the cab)This is my cab...! Barney is in the ambulance Barney: Downtown hospital, please. It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse. Take the FDR, and maybe crank up some smooth jazz. Medic: Uh, we're required by law to take you to the nearest hospital, which is St. Luke's-Roosevelt. Uptown. Barney: Oh, no. (He makes a phone call) It's Barney. Help me. Ted from 2030: Robin also needed a win that day. [FLASHBACK] Ted from 2030: It had been a rough year for Robin. First her boyfriend and former cohost, Don, left her for another job. Then Robin met her new cohost, Becky. Becky: Hi! I'm Becky! Robin: Hi. Becky: I am so excited to be your coanchor! Yay! Robin: Hi, Becky. My, you're perky. Becky: Don't worry, I am not here to step on your toesies. Robin: Oh... Becky: You're still the star. I made chocolate chip cookies for everybody! Yay! Ted from 2030: And just like that, Becky started to eclipse Robin. I mean, literally eclipse her. [END OF FLASHBACK] The taxi driver pulls the breaks et the woman falls down. Woman: This is my cab! Aah! Robin: Keep it. (She steps out the taxi, Marshall is behind her, still running) Barney steps inside a car Ranjit: Hello. Barney: Ranjit, take me to Gregor's. Ranjit: Taking you to Gregor's. Marshall slows down Folk singer: * As Marshall ran with all his might and passed his friend Christine * Marshall: Hey, Christine. Folk singer: * He thought of all the times that he had beaten the machine. He triumphed over "Pitfall" He vanquished the alarm. He brought the jukebox back to life with his Fonzarelli arm Marshall versus the machines. * [SCENE_BREAK] In the bus, a woman sits down next to Ted Woman: Last seat. Thank God. I just had the worst cab ride of my life. Ted: Well, you're in luck. See that gothic church over there? Those corinthian columns were designed by Giuseppe Pegatto in 1896. (the woman stands up to find another place) In Ranjit's car Barney: Hey, Ranjit, pull over. Ranjit: Pulling over. Barney: Hey, toots! How about a ride? Oh. Hey, Robin, it's you. Folk singer: * Hyah! Move along. Hyah! Move along. Hyah! * Ted is standing next to the bus driver Ted: See that over there? That's the old Arcadian Hotel. Fun fact... While today its neoclassical fenestration is considered to be... (the driver suddenly pulls the breaks) Robin: So, is this ride your way of apologizing for this morning? Barney: I'm sorry. I never apologize. And why would I? Robin: Are you kidding me? [FLASHBACK] Robin: Hey, Barney, can I talk to you? Barney: Sure. Stand a little more this way. I'm scouting some talent. Pretend we're talking about something important. Robin: Oh, well, this... This is something important. Um, I'm having a... A really rough time at work. You know, the whole Becky thing... Barney: Oh, you know what? That's just getting distracting. Um, say "carrots and peas". Carrots and peas. Guys, I can't stop staring at that girl's face. [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: What, you really had something to talk about? Robin: Yes. Look, I've spent the last,six years in this city, focusing on my career, all for nothing. Some lady almost got me killed. Maury Povich stole my cab. I swear, this city is starting to reject me like a bad organ transplant. You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker. Well, maybe I should just stop trying. Barney: Robin, I had no idea. Robin: No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care. Ranjit, stop the car. Ranjit: Stopping the car. Barney: No, don't stop the car. Ranjit: Not stopping the car. Robin: Seriously, stop the car. Ranjit: Seriously stopping the car. Barney: Look, you... Wait, wait... Robin, hold on. If you want to talk, I'm right here. Robin: Carrots and peas. Barney: Don't... You... (Robin steps out of the car) Ranjit: I'll crank up the smooth jazz. Marshall is stopped at a pedestrian red light, waitin for it to turn green Folk singer: * Our hero's strength was fading fast just as the light turned... green. He then thought back to all the times he'd lost to a machine. The cable box is fearsome but the stapler's mighty sting... The cable box's bite again... Getting too tired to sing. * (Barney steps out of his car and follows Marshall) Ted: Uses a hybrid steel tube structure... Ted from 2030: Kids, that day, I had a horrible realization. If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus...It's you. (Ted steps out of the bus) The good news is, I was halfway there, and nothing could stop me. They all arrive at the same time Marshall: Whoa! This is crazy. Robin: I can't believe it. Ted: Okay, this is clearly a sign. Let's just call it a tie. Forget about the race. Head back to the bar. (Everyone goes on its side) Ted from 2030: Just like that, the race was back on. Lily jumps into the subway train Maury Povich: Idiot. Ted from 2030: Meanwhile, one subway car over... Robin is also in the subway train (A man points toward the poster showing Becky. Robin get it off, and finds, underneath, a poster of her and Don) Robin: Oh, God. Oh, bite me! Barney is in a pedicab Barney: Faster. Mush! Mush! I need this win. I need this win. [FLASHBACK] Barney: And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary. And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, and I'm getting more muscular, even though I've stopped working out, and I've got this amazing poker group. Ted from 2030: Actually, Barney did not need a win. Barney: And I smell incredible. Smell me. Just, seriously, smell me. Ted from 2030:He did smell incredible. [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: Stop! Too slow. Switch. Lily steps out of the train and joins Robin Lily: Sweetie? Are you okay? Robin: No. I am done with this city. It wins. I just want to move somewhere new and start over. Lily: You've had a rough year. But you're tough. And I love you like crazy. If you left, I'd have to follow you. And Marshall would follow me. And Ted would follow him. The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney. Bring it in. Robin: What did he say? Lily: No clue. Hey, is that Maury Povich? (Lily runs out of the train ) Robin: Hey! Lily. Lily: Sorry, sweetie. I swear I'll be a great friend at the finish line, but the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall, which means you're screwed, sweetie. So long, sucker. (the doors of the train opens) Damn it. (she makes a phone call) Hey, it's Lily. Help me. Ted is running with Marshall Ted: And not a single passenger would listen to me. I mean, am I a bad teacher? Do I just put people to sleep? (Marshall falls down) Man, in a calculator display: Buddy? Hey, buddy? Need a hand? Marshall: The machines have won! he machines have won. Man: Dude, mellow. Marshall: I can't do it. I can't run that far. I can't outrace anything. I... I can't... I can't get my wife pregnant! Ted: Wait. Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about? Marshall: My body has been letting me down, and I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't. Ted: Dude, you've been trying for two months, not two years. That's nothing. Marshall: Well, you should talk. You know, you're the one who's freaking out because you have one mediocre review and, like, 50 great ones. Ted: 64. But whatever. Marshall: And you're designing a frickin' building. I mean, come on, dude. Man: Sounds like you guys need to clear everything, subtract the negativity, and add some perspective. (Ted and Marshall throw the man down. Lily arrives in a car) Lily: Marshall! Marshall, get in! Ranjit: Hello. Barney, Ted and Robin arrive at the same time Ted: There it is. Robin: Where are Marshall and lily? Barney: Who cares? (They start running, Ted and Barney fall down while Robin keeps on running) Robin: I won? I won! Barney: No! Robin: I can't believe I won! Barney: How did that even happen? Ted from 2030: Here's how it happened. [FLASHBACK] Lily: Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it. Ranjit: Ted is in the way. Lily: Run him over. Ranjit: Running him over. Marshall: No. Lily, what the hell is the matter with you? Lily: Nothing. I just want to win this really badly. So badly that I just ditched my best friend when she needed me. Marshall: Oh, baby, you were also going to run over Ted. Lily: Why did I get so crazy about this? Marshall: Maybe for the same reason that I kept saying that I could run seven miles. I... I'm trying to be really, um, confident and positive about all this, but, baby, I'm really scared that we're not pregnant yet. Lily: Oh, thank God. I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. Marshall: I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. Lily: It's only been two months. Marshall: We are crazy. Lily: We're totally crazy. Marshall: This is the last time it's ever going to be just the two of us. Shouldn't we be enjoying that? Lily: We gotta go back to Paris. Marshall: And take ballroom dancing. Lily: And really learn how to ski. Not just up and get faced in the lodge. Marshall: And see Coney Island. I've still never been. See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do before we start having kids. Lily: Oh, a cradle list. Marshall: I'm... So glad we're trying, and I'm going to be really excited for when it happens, but this isn't a race. Lily: It isn't a race. Marshall: Ranjit, screw Gregor's. Let's go to Coney Island. Ranjit: Screwing Gregor's. Going to Coney Island. Ted from 2030: As for how Robin beat me and Barney, to this day, your uncle Barney won't admit it... Who cares? But here's what I saw: I saw Barney notice Robin's face... And maybe realize something. Barney says he tripped, but it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose. And when Robin won, I could have sworn I saw him smile. Robin: I won! Barney: No! [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin is at the restaurant with Max Robin: So I said, "the cab, of course" Ted: I know what you did back there. Barney: Yeah. Check it. I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks, and I still smell incredible. Smell me. Ted: I'm not gonna... Not gonna... Barney: Smell me. Ted from 2030: He did smell incredible. Robin: Wait a minute. So, where is Woody Allen? Max: He's right there. Robin: Damn it, Max. That's Maury Povich. Max: I always get those two confused. Ted from 2030: Technically, there was only one winner that day. And in that race, everyone found exactly what they needed. It's true, she wouldn't see Woody Allen for another couple months, but that's how Robin became, by just about any definition of the term... A real New Yorker.

Robin vows to convince the gang she is a "real" New Yorker, despite their teasing to the contrary, since she hails from Canada. When Woody Allen is spotted in a downtown restaurant, Robin and the gang rush to see the quintessential New Yorker.

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Lou: Previously on "Heartland"... Olivia: Nice, huh? My dad just got him for me. His name is Winner, and that's just what I intend on doing. There's no chance that you're still seeing Cassandra, right? Caleb. Caleb! Jack: The real reason you're going to Moose Jaw is so you can screw up Miranda's wedding? Well, I have to say congratulations! (Struggling grunts, keys jingle) Tim: Give me-ah, hey! (Jack grunts) Lou: It's over, Amy. Peter and I, we've... We've decided to separate. (Door bangs shut) (Footsteps crunch in the snow) Did I tell you how much I missed you? Ty: Well, I missed you, too. I'm glad to hear that Lily's doing so well. Yeah, the program really seems to be helping. But it was hard for me to see her there, but I'm glad I went. Do you think she's gonna make it to the wedding? Well, she's pretty determined to be there. Amy: Speaking of that... Are you sure that you're okay with the venue? I'm happy with it, if you're happy with it. I'd marry you anywhere. Amy: (Laughs and sighs) I wish I could just stay here all day, like this. I honestly can't take much more sleeping on the floor, Lou. My neck is killing me. Lou: Look, you don't have to sleep on the floor. I told you that. Peter: Yeah, I know that's what you said, but you're obviously uncomfortable and I don't wanna... Look, this isn't easy for either of us. But we only have to make it through a few more days. Why can't I just sleep on the couch, maybe, just for tonight? Then what do we tell Georgie when she sees you? Peter: The truth. Lou: Peter, we agreed to wait until the audition's over. I... 'kay. It's just it's getting harder and harder to pull this off, and Georgie doesn't miss a thing. Lou: Look, I know, but she has been talking about this tryout for the extreme team since she didn't make it last year, okay? Peter: As soon as the audition is over, we are going to make it our priority to help her get through this, right? Lou: I agree. We'll tell her. Peter: Okay. Um... I better go get her. She's done her class by now. Lou: Um... Peter, I should probably fill grandpa and dad in on what's going on. Peter: Okay. You sure? No. But it has to be done. All right. Well, I should be a part of that. No. This is... something I have to do on my own. No, Lou, this is not something you do on your own. Yes, it is, Peter. I... Peter: Lou! (Running footsteps) (Laughs) Hey, kitty cat! What're you doing? Tim: Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. (Chuckles) Yeah, I'll meet for coffee. I just gotta finish up some work here. I'll call you when I'm done. Okay, bye. (Tim chuckles) Jack: So? Gonna actually do some work or just stand here grinning like a fool all day? Tim: Just talking to Casey. (Hay bale thumps) Jack: So it sounds like things are pretty good with you two. Tim: Oh, they couldn't be better. Yeah, well, I'm glad you... Got past that whole Moose Jaw thing. What Moose Jaw thing? I-I never went to the wedding. What's there to get past? I don't need to tell her anything. Jack: Oh yeah... Yeah, that's right. Why be honest and upfront with the woman you might just be in love with. Lou: Hey, uh... Before you go anywhere, there's something I need to talk to you about inside. Who? Me or him? Both of you. Sandra: The audition's only a few days away, so right now you should all be focused on fine-tuning your tricks. Okay, I'll see you next time... And be prepared for a special guest. Trudie, the extreme team coach, might just drop by, to see how you're all doing! Girls: No way! Oh my gosh! Can you believe the coach is gonna come watch us? No big whoop. I see her all the time. Georgie: You do? Olivia: Yeah. She and Sandra are friends. She drops by during my lessons sometimes. Trudie's really nice. She's even given me a few tips. Wait, you still need private lessons? My dad insisted. He wants me to kill at the audition. I've been working on an awesome new trick. I'd say I have the spot on the team pretty much in the bag. Georgie: Oh, yeah? Well, don't count on it! Because I know you only joined trick riding to bug me! So bring it on, because I'm going to whip your butt. And I've got a new signature trick I'm going to perform that's pretty off the charts, and I've been taking private lessons. And you know what else? Peter: Georgie! S08E16 "Faking It" And at the break of day you sank into your dream You dreamer oh, oh, oh, oh... You dreamer... You dreamer... Tim: Separating? I can't believe it. Jack: I thought you two worked this out in Vancouver. Lou: We tried, but it's just not working anymore. We're not happy, and I wanna stay here and Peter wants to keep working in Vancouver, so... Tim: So this is about a job for him? I can't believe that guy. Dad, don't... don't do that, okay? 'Cause this is just as much me as it is Peter. So what can we do? Lou: (Shaky sigh) Well, the-the girls don't know and we wanna keep it that way, for now. At least until Georgie makes it through her audition, which is important. So if you could just... keep it to yourselves for now. Tim: No. No, I don't wanna hear this. Lou: Dad... Jack: So... this, this separation, maybe it'll... (Door bangs shut) give you time to sort it out. Lou: I don't think so, grandpa. It's probably gonna end in divorce. Well, you really think it's gonna come to that? Lou: I didn't think that Peter and I were ever gonna separate, but here we are. So... I just have to be realistic. Realistic! Lou: Katie? How long were you down there for? Peter: This kind of behaviour is not okay. Georgie: Okay, well fine! Peter: No, it's not okay, Georgie! What is going on here? Peter: Go ahead. Georgie: It's just Olivia. She was bragging about her stupid private lessons and her secret new trick she's gonna perform at the audition and I just... kind of lost it and told her some crap. Peter: You told her some complete untruths. Okay, it sounds like Olivia was just trying to wind you up. Georgie: Well, I know I should've just ignored her, but... She drives me crazy! Lou: You know what? Georgie, it's okay. I get it. Because Olivia kinda drives me crazy, too. Peter: Oh, no, no. I'm sorry, it's not okay, Lou. We've been through this before with Olivia, Georgie, and she understands... hey! That it's not acceptable to... Lou: That's not what I meant, Peter. You know how I feel about lying. But Olivia is a challenging personality, and you... and you raise some excellent points that, you know, I think Georgie should really reflect on, right? Georgie: Uh... sure. Lou: (Sighs heavily) Peter: (Sighs) (Birds chirp) Lou: Hey... Look, um... I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but... I was hoping maybe you could help Georgie prep for that tryout? Amy: Yeah. Why, what's up? I just... I just wanna level the playing field for her a little bit, you know, and... it might help keep her busy. I know we can't keep this up for much longer, but I... I'd love to give the girls a few more days of "normal" if I can. Amy: Of course. I'd be happy to help. Lou: Thanks. (Horse grunts softly) (Hooves clop) Katie: (Giggles and hums) Georgie: Four... five... six... Seven... eight... nine... Ten! Ready or not, here I come! I wonder where Katie could be? I can't find her anywhere! Boo! I found you! Hey! Where are you going? Katie: I got you! I found you! Georgie: Where are you going?! Peter: Hey... ah, it's almost time for Katie's nap, so why don't you get started on your homework, okay? Georgie: It's all done. Well, you're book report isn't. You can started on that if you got free time. Georgie: But it's not due for weeks. Peter: It's not up for discussion. Let's go. (Sleeping bag rustles) (Birds chirp, door opens and closes) Lou: You're back. Tim: Lou, honey, I wanna apologize for reacting the way I did. Lou: It's okay. I... I should've told you sooner... Tim: No. No, no. With all you're dealing with, I... I understand. Lou: Katie wants to decorate cookies... (Phone rings) when she wakes up. (Lou sighs) It's Maggie's. I have to take this. Tim: Yeah. Lou: Hello? Can... can you hang on until I get there? Yes. No, no, no. I'll... I'll be right there. (Phone beeps off) Now my other server is sick. Probably the same flu. I... I know this sounds terrible to say, but the timing just couldn't be worse. I... I really need to be here for the kids right now. I mean, you know... Georgie's out practicing with Amy and... God knows if she finished her book report. And Katie, she's... She's gonna wake up any minute and she's gonna wanna do this, but we'll just... (Sighs) We'll do it another time. Tim: Lou, let me do it. Lou: No, dad. Tim: Honey, I did it the whole time you were in Vancouver. You were supervising. It's not the same as being on the front lines. Tim: I can handle it. Lou: Look, it's a really sweet offer, but... Tim: I wish I could fix everything for you, but I can't. So let me do this. I'll look after Maggie's, and I'll be there for as long as you need me. (Quick kiss) Lou: Really? Tim: Yeah, just let me do it. (Receding footsteps) Lou: Thank you. Amy: All right. Let's try the Fender drag. That's it. That's good! Keep that leg extended. (Hooves thud) Hi! Good job. Nice! Hey! I mean, that looked great. You've definitely shown improvement. Georgie: Okay, well, it needs to be perfect for the tryouts. Well, Georgie, the more you practice the better it's gonna get. The thing is, I could really use a new trick. We don't really have time to learn a new trick. Georgie: Well, Olivia's got a whole new signature move she's gonna perform. Let me think about it, okay? Yes! (Hooves thud) (Diners chatter) Tim: All right. There you go. Thank you very much. (Bell dings) And sir, that is for you. Yup, coming! And I'll fill this up. (Dinging repeatedly) Okay! I got it. I'll be right there. Casey: So did you invite me over here so I could wait tables? Tim: Actually, when I called you, it was completely empty in here, so... If you wanna help me out, you can. It's up to you. (Coffee cup clunks) Follow my lead. Okay. Thank you. Oh, guys. I'm kinda swamped. I tell you what, just get me next time, okay? Casey: No, no, no. What'd they have? Uh... they had the... the chili and corn bread, and two coffees. Casey: So with tax, that would be... $22.56, or $11.28 apiece. That's... that's right. Very good. Casey: Yeah. Follow my lead, Tim. (Diners chatter, music plays, register drawer bangs shut) (Cutlery clanks, everyone's quiet) Lou: So, Amy, um... Have you started working on the seating chart for the reception? Not yet, Lou, but... I'll get to it soon. (Awkward silence) Jack: So, Georgie, how're you feeling about the tryouts? Mm. Great! I'm definitely ready now that Amy's helping me. Amy: (Chuckles softly) (Awkward silence) Georgie: What's going on? Katie: Divorce! What do you mean divorce? (Silence) Who's getting a divorce? Lou: Georgie... Is it true?! Peter: Yeah. We're getting separated. Why are you doing this?! Lou: It's complicated. Why? Why is it complicated? Lou: I guess the bottom line is we... stopped listening to each other. What does that even mean? Lou: Well, eventually, we... Peter: We just, we... We realized that want different things. Georgie: Like what? Lou: You know what? We would rather focus on the two important things that unite us: You and Katie. Because no matter what happens, we will always be your parents. And we will always be a family. How? How will we be a family? I'll still be here all the time. I don't even think you'll find it that much different, honey. It'll be totally different! How can you even say that?! Georgie, look. I know this is hard, trust me, but we are gonna answer all of your questions, and we will be there for you no matter what. No, you won't! Because if you wanted to be there for me, then you wouldn't be doing this! Peter: No, no, no, Georgie. Georgie: No! I don't wanna talk to either of you! (Footsteps thud down the stairs) (Truck door bangs shut, trailer door opens) Ty: Hey, Caleb! Caleb: Hey, man. Uh, good to see you. Are you sure about that? I got tired of waiting for you to call me back. Yeah, sorry. Um... uh... Business has kinda ramped up. It's been crazy. I hear. So how's it going? We're moving into a higher end stock, so, uh, it's going really great so far. Well, that's not the impression Amy got. Caleb: Am-oh... okay, look, I know what you guys are thinking. Don't worry, I got it covered, all right? Great. Can't wait to hear all about it. (Truck rumbles) Caleb: Look, man, I can't tonight. I'm still on the clock. Jesse: What's he doing here? Pretty sure that's none of your business. Well, Caleb and I have actual business to discuss, if you don't mind... And if I do? You gonna get out and sucker punch me again? Caleb: I'll catch up with you tomorrow, 'kay? Ty: Yeah, sure. (Engine starts, door opens and closes) (Engine rumbles) Georgie: (Crying) don't tell me it's gonna be okay because it's not. Jack: They love you, Georgie. Georgie: (Sniffling) If they loved me, they wouldn't do this! Jack: They couldn't love you more. Georgie: (Bursts into fresh tears) Jack: I've got ya. Georgie: (Sobbing) Jack: (Whispers) I've got ya. Georgie: I knew it was too good to be true! Jack: Well, you'll still be a family. It'll... it'll just look a little different is all. (Georgie sobs) You'll see. It's not the end of the world. How long have they been faking it? Jack: It's been real hard for them, Georgie. They waited to tell you because they wanted to keep things normal for you. Well... do you think there's a chance they'll change their minds? Jack: Well, anything's possible, that's for sure. But I wouldn't count on it. They didn't come to this decision lightly. They... they tried hard to work things out. Georgie: Why can't they try harder? (Sobbing) (Light kiss) (Water runs, dish clatters) Lou: Oh, hey. There you are. Look, Georgie, listen. Geor... Jack: Now, Lou, just... Let her be. You and Peter, you've been living with this for a while now. She needs time to catch up. Lou: Oh, grandpa... It wasn't supposed to happen that way. I doubt there's a right way to go about it. Lou: Yeah, but she's just been through so much already and... Peter: Hey... so Katie's down. Um... where's Georgie? Jack: Uh, she just went to bed. I think I will, too. Peter: Okay. So, Katie, she... has no idea what she was saying. Lou: (Relieved sigh) Oh, thank God. That was my fault, okay? I-I-I... I was talking to grandpa about it, and she must have overheard me. I am so sorry. Peter: Don't. don't be sorry, okay? It was gonna come out sooner or later anyway, so... Lou: Yeah. I guess it's a relief, right? I mean... we don't have to pretend anymore. You don't have to sleep on the floor. (Chuckles) It just makes it... very real. Peter, are we doing the right thing? I mean, for Georgie, she... She's already been through so much in her life, and it took her so long to... to trust us, and to feel like she was a part of our family and... How can we do this to her now? Peter: She's... she's resilient. Georgie's resilient. She'll get through it. So will we. Lou: Yeah... Peter: Kids are only happy when their parents are happy. You're right. (Lock clicks, music plays quietly) Tim: Whew! Well, thank you for helping out today. I think we did pretty well. Casey: Mm... Yes, working in close quarters, that is a true relationship test. You know, yeah, it's good to test a relationship. I'm real sorry to hear about Lou and Peter. You doing okay? Tim: I... I don't know how I feel about that. Lou said that they were trying to work things out and then they... finally decided that they weren't happy anymore. Well, it's gotta be tough, especially when kids are involved. At least it sounds like they're finally being honest with each other, right? I mean, in a relationship, if you don't have honesty, then... you don't have much of anything, do you? Tim: Do you want a piece of pie? Casey: (Chuckles) I would love some pie. (Tim chuckles) Casey: Oh hey, what do you have in the way of cheese? Because there is nothing like a piece of apple pie and a slice of aged cheddar. I don't know. We have ice cream. Casey: I'll go check. (Plates thump lightly, Casey's phone chirps) Tim: Love, Reggie? Ty: Poor Georgie. That's a tough way to find out. Amy: It was pretty awful. But I would rather not talk about it. Why don't you tell me how your day was instead? Ty: Okay. Well, I uh... I tracked down Caleb at the rodeo grounds. Amy: How's he doing? Ty: I didn't get the chance to find out, because Jesse showed up. Caleb blew me off. Amy: That doesn't sound like him. Ty: I know. So... I think I'm gonna invite him over and see how big a hole he's dug for himself. Amy: That's probably a good idea. (Sighs) I should go. Ty: (Light kiss) Oh, you sure you can't stay a bit longer? Amy: I just wanna be there for Georgie, and for Lou. Okay? I get it. (Kissing) Okay, maybe a couple more minutes. (Kiss, Amy chuckles) (Door creaks open) Lou: Georgie? Sweetheart? (Blankets rustle) (Floorboards creak, receding footsteps) (Door creaks closed) (Chain clanks, gate creaks open) Lou: Go get 'em, Georgie! Show 'em what you got! Olivia: You might wanna cut her some slack. They tend to overcompensate, especially at first. Georgie: What're you talking about? I'm talking about parents. Guilt turns them into real weirdos. Trust me. I know all about it. Look... I may or may not have overheard your mom filling Sandra in on the "situation" before class. What?! That is none of your business! Besides, what do you even care? Take a chill pill, already. I just thought you might like to know that I can relate. I doubt that. Oh, yeah? Well, my mom's not actually my mom, so... You know, if you're not interested... you can just forget it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Horse grunts) (Saddle thumps heavily) Ty: Hey, Caleb! You look like you could use one of this. Caleb: You'd be right about that. Thanks, man. Look, uh... Sorry about last night. Duty called. Ty: Hey, it's no problem. I get it. But what was Jesse doing here? Caleb: He is my partner. Ty: I know, but I thought he wasn't gonna be involved in the day-to-day. Caleb: And I thought me giving you that big bag of money... meant it wasn't your business anymore. Look, Caleb... Amy told me that those thoroughbreds cost fifty grand each. I'm worried about you, man. We both are. Jesse is pretty hands on, actually. Ty: And how's that going for you? Caleb: Fine. As long as you don't mind being treated like hired help. Ty: What're you talking about? Caleb: (Sighs heavily) Come on, Caleb, you gotta tell me what's going on? Jesse's been fronting me all the money to cover the costs of the stock we buy, and my half of the stable fees. So, in reality, he's calling all the shots and I'm just sort of... along for the ride. Yippy. (Ty sighs) I don't know what to say. How about... I told you so? 'Cause you did. More than once. Ty: Okay, Caleb, there's gotta be a way outta this. Why don't you come over, I'll throw some steaks on the barbecue, and we'll figure this out. There's nothing to figure out. I'm in way over my head. Ty: So what're you gonna do? It's not your problem. But steaks? Yeah, I'm... I'm in. (Coffee cups tap) Um... I'm really sorry about earlier. That's okay. So what do you mean your mom's not really your mom? My parents got divorced four years ago, and my dad remarried. I call her mom, but she's actually my stepmother. It's not that big a deal. Well, it sure sounds like a big deal. There are perks. That's what the horses and the private lessons are all about. I told you, guilt can make parents act pretty kooky. So do you... miss your real mom? Yeah. I don't see her nearly as much as I'd like to, but, eventually, you just get used to it. (Sighs heavily) (Cups clunk) Jack: You almost look like you know what you're doing. Tim: You here to check up on me? I'm just looking for a cup of coffee. Tim: So I heard from Lou last night. Sounds like she's having a rough time. Jack: Yeah. It's going about as well as can be expected. Tim: Yeah, well, that's the thing about relationships, Jack. They all end up in heartache. What happened now? Tim: Who says anything happened? Good then. (Coffee pot clunks) I saw a text that to Casey got from some guy. Jack: So? Tim: So it said, "with love, Reggie." She's meeting with Reggie, right now. Jack: Who is that? Some old flame? Tim: I don't know who it is. I've never heard of the guy. She's never mentioned him. You know, you are some piece of work. What're you talking about? Why can't you learn anything? You wanna know something, you ask questions. You don't keep jumping to conclusions all the time. You expect Casey to lay her cards on the table, well, you have to show her your hand first. It's a two-way street. Sandra: Okay, we have time for one more. Trudie: Sandra! Hi. Sandra: Hi! This is my friend, Trudie. She's the extreme team trainer. Trudie: I don't wanna interrupt. Just pretend I'm not here. Girls: (Murmur excitedly) Sandra: All right, everyone settle down. Olivia, you're up. (Clucks her tongue, hooves plod) (Hooves thud) Trudie: Nice work! Sandra: That's a good note to end the class on. I'll see you all at the tryout! (Talking quietly) Tim: So, uh... how'd that meeting go? Casey: It was productive. (Dishes clatter) Tim: Productive... Interesting choice of words. Casey: (Laughs) Not really. What's going on with you? Tim: Nothing. I just thought it'd be great if we could talk about things. Casey: Okay. I'll bite. What kind of things? Tim: Well, you gotta admit, there's still a lot that we don't know about each other, so... I was thinking maybe... uh... Okay, how 'bout we tell each other something that the other person doesn't know. (Laughs) Like what? Like um... Okay. Okay, you'll laugh at this. I thought about crashing Miranda's wedding when you weren't here. (Door opens) (Low chatter from outside, door closes) (Steaks sizzle, flames crackle) You know, I really did need this. Thanks. To new beginnings and happier days. I'll drink to that. (Truck rumbles to a halt) (Door opens) Ty: What do you want? (Door bangs shut) Jesse: Caleb said he'd be here, and this can't wait. Caleb: What's going on? Jesse: An opportunity has come up on another venture, but I've got a serious cash flow problem. So... I'm gonna have to call in your loan. Caleb: This a joke. You know I don't have that kind of cash. Jesse: I'm sorry, Caleb. I'm in a bit of a jam. I don't have any other choice. It's just business. You'll receive official notification outlining the details, but I wanted to tell you in person, first. What if I can't pay? Jesse: Well, if the money's not paid in full within the specified time frame, I'll be forced to register a lien on this property. Ty: A land grab. I don't have an alternative. Caleb: Is this what this has all been about? Ty: Hey, hey, hey, hey... He's not worth it, all right? Jesse: I don't know what you mean. Caleb: I was crazy to trust you. Jesse: Trust? That's real funny coming from the guy who's been running around with my girlfriend. Yeah. But hey, she's all yours, cowboy. You know what I don't get, Caleb? Is what women even see in you. You're nothing but a broke, washed-up rodeo bum. Ty: Hey, hey. Jesse: See ya around, boys. (Truck door opens, engine starts) Amy: Hey! So...? How did it go? Lou: The extreme team coach was there, and Georgie looked really good. Georgie: No, I didn't! Everyone saw the trainer talking to Olivia! She's totally getting the spot on the team! Georgie: Okay, that is not true. You know what? I don't even care about the stupid audition anymore. I quit. Lou: Georgie! Georgie: (Sighs) If you're here to change my mind, you can save your breath. Amy: (Sighs) Georgie... I get that things are scary and confusing right now. You have no idea how I feel! I do know what it's like to have your whole world turned upside down. (Chair scrapes) Yeah, but... not like this. No, not quite like this. But when my mom died... All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide. But, if I wanted to help Spartan, I had to find a way to push through all of the pain and anger I was feeling. If I didn't, it meant letting him go. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. But if I hadn't of tried, I would've regretted it for the rest of my life. Georgie: Yeah, but... that was Spartan. This is just some... dumb audition. Amy: I know that's not how you really feel. You have been looking forward to this all year, and you have been practicing like crazy. I even thought of a new trick that we could try. You know, you can't control what's gonna happen. But you can control how you deal with it. I just don't want you to look back, and regret not going. So think about it, okay? Casey: And there you go. Thank you, guys. Have a good day. (Cash drawer slams shut, Casey clears her throat) Casey: So... what do you mean, you almost crashed Miranda's wedding? Tim: I thought that... if I went, I... (Clears throat) I might get some closure. But I realized I didn't need it... because I should be looking forward and not back. Casey: So do I get to take some credit for this new outlook? Tim: Yeah, well, that... depends on Reggie. On Reggie? I saw the text... From the Reggie guy. Seemed pretty friendly to me. (Giggles) Reggie's a nickname... For Regina. She's an old friend of mine. We reconnected at the rodeo last week. She came into town to sell me a horse. That's where I was today. A girl, Reggie. Huh. I didn't see that coming. (Sighs) How 'bout some more pie? Casey: How 'bout... no more secrets? Tim: No more secrets. Amy: I can't believe I'm getting married in less than a month. I know. It's crazy. You know, Amy, the seating chart is important, but shouldn't you be out looking for a dress? I have a dress... Mrs. Bell is making it for me. Mrs. Bell? How is this the first I'm hearing of this? Why didn't you tell me?! I was gonna tell you, but then you had so much on your mind and... You see, when I found mom's dress in the attic, I wrote to Mrs. bell and I told her how beautiful I thought it was. And she wrote back and told me she would love to make mine too, so... I said yes. Amy, that's... that's amazing. Mom would be really, really happy. (Door opens) Lou: Hey. Peter: Hey. (Door bangs shut) Lou: Thanks for picking that stuff up. Peter: Not a problem. Amy: You sure you wanna be doing this, right now? Yeah. It feels good to... be focusing on something else. Lou: Hey, sweetie, did you want a snack? Because dinner's not gonna be for a while. I'm not hungry. Is this your seating chart? Amy: Yeah. Would you like to give us a hand? Georgie: Actually, I was wondering if... maybe you could help me with that new trick? Amy: All right. Let's go. Amy: Now when you're ready, drop down. That's it, but let go of the horn. Come on, drop down. George: It's scary! Amy: Come on! Agh! (Hooves thud, Georgie grunts) Amy: All right! (Hooves thud) Okay, close... close. Georgie: Whoa... boy. Sandra makes it look so easy. Amy: Yes, well, she's been doing the stroud layout for a long time. You have to be brave and lean out. Georgie: Well, I'm never gonna get it this. Amy: It's a difficult move... It just takes time. Georgie: I don't have time. The audition is tomorrow. Amy: Georgie, you don't need a new trick, okay? Just focus on nailing the Fender drag 'cause it's great and you're ready. Okay, okay, you're right. You're right. Okay. (Low hum of chatter, hooves thud) Amy: Okay. Just get here as soon as you can, all right? It's about to start. Okay. Ty's on his way. He's just gonna stop at his place first. Okay. Um... I'll be right back. Hey... you look nice. No, I don't! These costumes are horrible. Georgie: Aren't they? I hate pink. You're joking, right? It's like the best colour ever. Georgie: (Laughs) Sandra: Hi, girls! Looks like we're ready. Trudie's here and she's eager to see what you guys can do. Okay, Olivia, you're up first. Now... have fun, and don't forget to smile! Georgie: Okay. All right, well, I uh... I guess this is it. Good luck! Tim: Hey, honey. Lou: Dad! You made it! Tim: (Quick kiss) Yeah. Oh, Casey's covering for me at the diner. She said she didn't want me to miss this. Lou: Well, you know, I can't thank you both enough. It's means a lot to me. Tim: Well... It's not a problem, really. (Sighs) I gotta talk to you... 'Cause clearly you've lost your mind. Peter: (Sighs) don't, Tim. Honestly... Do you think this is easy for me? Huh? This is... this is my family here, Tim. This is my home, okay? Tim: Oh, that's good. Your home? Peter: Yeah. Tim: (Snorts) Peter: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, so can you give me a break? Tim: Then do the right thing. Peter: I'm not sure what the right thing is anymore- Tim: That's your problem right there. Peter: Okay, thanks. Lou: Dad, please. Announcer: And here's our first rider, Olivia Wheaton, riding Winner. (Hooves thud) Georgie: What?! Are you kidding me? She did the reverse Fender drag! She stole my signature move! Amy: It's okay, Georgie. (Hooves thunder) (Clapping) Olivia: Beat that. Ty: Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? Jesse: This land's gonna be mine soon enough. I just wanna make sure I get every square inch of it. Ty: You got no legal right to be here. Jesse: Come on, we both know Caleb's not gonna come up with the cash in time. So pack up your stuff and get out, 'cause when I get the go ahead, it's gonna happen real fast. I'm warning you. don't do this. Oh, I'm just getting started. What's that supposed to mean? It's called payback, Ty. I'm sticking it to Caleb, reclaiming my family's land, and kicking you to the curb. Oh, and that stuck up fiancee of yours who thinks she can just blow me off? When I put her pathetic little business out of operation, she's gonna wish she hadn't turned down all my job offers. You lose, Ty. Ty: Ungh! Jesse: Agh! Ungh! (Struggling grunts) (Hard punch) Ty: Oh! Ungh! (Breathing hard) Ty: Aggghhhhh! Jesse: Oof! (Struggling grunts, hard punches) Surveyor: Hey! Stop! (Fighting grunts) Get off him! Crazy! (Fighting grunts) Ty: (Struggling grunts) Get your hands off me! Surveyor: Take it easy! Take easy, buddy! Come on! I got you now! You started this fight, remember that. Georgie: I can't believe she did that! Amy: Just forget about Olivia, okay? Focus on controlling how you deal with this. Amy: Just like we practiced. Announcer: Next up, we have... Georgie: Okay... Amy: Are you ready? Announcer: Riding Checkers. Georgie: I'm ready. Amy: Have fun. Lou: Woo! Peter: (Clapping) (Hooves thud) Audience: (Clapping) (Gate squeals) (Clapping) (Hooves thud, Checkers pants) Oh no... (Audience claps) (Georgie grunts, clapping and cheering) (Resounding applause and cheers) Amy: Georgie, that was amazing! I can't believe you tried that new trick! Georgie: Well, I know it wasn't perfect, but you said to have fun, and I didn't wanna regret not trying it. Amy: (Chuckles) Well, that was definitely a winning ride. Georgie: It doesn't look like it. Georgie, that was... incredible! Sandra: Trying that stroud layout was pretty gutsy, Georgie. It may have just tipped the scales, because I am happy to report that... you are being offered the spot on the extreme team! Trudie: Congratulations! You are gonna be a great addition to the team! (Laughing excitedly) (Georgie giggles) Peter: Hey... aw... Tim: Congratulations. Jack: I'm so proud of you! Georgie: (Laughs) Ty: (Groans in pain) (Bag rustles) Ah... (Groans, bag rustles) (Sucks in his breath and exhales sharply) (Sharp knock, the door opens) Ty, what's going on? Where were you...? Oh my God. Are you okay? Ty: (Sighs) I think I might be in trouble, Amy. Georgie: So how's this gonna work? Peter: Well, your mom and I haven't quite sorted it all out yet. Well... when are you coming back? Soon. Very soon, okay? And I'm gonna call you tonight. Peter: Hey, kitty cat! (Dramatic groan) Come here. Oh, you're getting so big. Be a good girl for mommy, okay? Daddy's gonna be back soon. Muah! Katie: Okay, daddy, be back soon! (Playful kisses) Hey... look at me. We're gonna figure this out, okay? I promise. (Light kisses) I love you. You'll find out, you'll find out Everybody's filled with doubt You gotta listen to yourself, baby, you'll find out Let it go, let it go... Everybody's getting on driving down a one-way road (Engine starts) just let it go Baby, you fall... fall hard Someone's bound to break your heart Pick it up and dust it off pick it up and dust it off again When my mind goes dark I can't find the missing part Pick me up and dust me off pick me up and dust me off pick me up and dust me off Announcer: On the next Heartland... You're under arrest. Announcer: The wedding, is it on or off? I could go to jail for a really long time. You drop the charges and I'm all yours. Announcer: Will they walk down the aisle or run away from it? Let's get married, right now. Announcer: Heartland, next Sunday at 7:00 on CBC.

The family strives to support Georgie when Lou and Peter tell her about their separation, and Amy helps Georgie find the strength to deal with the news while training for a trick riding competition. Meanwhile, Ty jumps to Caleb's defense when Jesse calls in Caleb's loan, effectively ruining him. And when Tim enlists Casey to help him cover for Lou at the diner, he discovers that they still have a lot to learn about each other. Georgie makes the trick riding team.

fd_Charmed_07x19

fd_Charmed_07x19_0

[Scene: Halliwell Manor. Kitchen] (Leo is on his hands and knees cleaning up the spilled food from under the baby high chair.) (Paige walks into the kitchen.) Paige: Leo, I need your help. Leo: Why, what's the matter? (Leo turns and looks at Paige. He gets to his feet with the mess.) Paige: The Elders have assigned me a charge. Leo: Paige, that's great. (He heads over to the sink.) Paige: No, actually. It's not great. You have to help me get out of this. (He puts the tray and the mess into the sink. He turns to look at Paige.) Leo: You can't get out of it. You're a whitelighter. Paige: I'm also, like, a chick in her twenties who'd like to have a life. I don't have time for this. Leo: You're nervous. (Paige sighs as she puts her head in her hand, resting her elbows on the counter.) Paige: (groans) Oh, I'm just busy. (beat) All right, fine. Maybe I'm a little nervous. (Leo is clearing the table.) Leo: You know what? It used to happen to me all the time before I met my first charge. (Paige straightens and looks at Leo.) It's a good thing. It means you don't want to let him down. Paige: Or maybe I'm just not ready. Leo: Trust me, you're ready. Paige: Yeah? Then ... why don't you tell that to my stomach? Because it really hurts right now. Leo: Look, here, try this. (Leo picks up a plate with some toast on it. Paige picks up a slice.) Paige: Toast? Leo: Yeah. It helps calm the butterflies. Paige: You've been a Whitelighter for ... sixty years, and toast is what you got for it? (Leo starts gathering the various breakfast items off the counter.) Leo: Well, it's not like you haven't had charges before, Paige, okay? (Paige takes a bite of toast.) Paige: (muffled) Right. Okay, fine. But ... I always had Piper and Phoebe to back me up. (Leo puts the items in the fridge.) All right? Now, I'll be solo. (deep breath) What if I fail? Leo: You won't fail. Paige: That's easy for you to say 'cause you have a job. (Leo shuts the fridge door.) You got your wife. You got your kids. You got ... breakfast. If I make a mistake, someone knows. Leo: You done? Paige: Yeah. How'd you know? Leo: Toast and venting, works every time. Paige: Yeah. (reluctantly) Guess I could try. Leo: I know you can do it. Good luck. Paige: Thank you. (She puts the toast down, sighs and orbs out.) (Leo goes back to cleaning up the kitchen.) [Scene: San Francisco. Street] (Open on Michael Haines getting a morning hot dog from a sidewalk vendor.) Vendor: Here. Mitchell Haines: Thanks a lot. (As he leaves, he pauses. Paige orbs in right behind a nearby newspaper stand. He turns, sees her and rolls his eyes, less than thrilled at her presence.) (Paige walks out.) Paige: Mitchell Haines? Mitchell Haines: Yeah. Paige: Hi. I'm, uh -- (glances around) -- your new whitelighter. Paige Matthews. Nice to meet y-you. (She holds out her hand, but it's obvious that he's not happy to see her. At all.) Mitchell Haines: Not interested. (He brushes past her and walks down the sidewalk, trying to ignore her.) Paige: But you can't just walk away from me. Mitchell Haines: No? Watch me. (He lifts the hot dog to his nose, but suddenly, he's not interested in eating anymore. He tosses the hot dog into the nearby trash without breaking his stride.) Paige: Aren't you at least going to hear me out? Mitchell Haines: Let me guess. (He stops and turns around to look at her.) That I'm a witch with great powers? You can help bring them out for me? Master them? Paige: Well, yeah. Mitchell Haines: I don't want your help. (He turns to leave. Paige rushes forward to block his path.) Paige: Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Look. I know you've had some problems in the past, but maybe you just haven't had the right person help you. Namely me. Mitchell Haines: My last Whitelighter said the same thing. They ever send anybody who hasn't read the Elder playbook. Paige: I'm not just anybody, okay? I am a Charmed One. I ran magic school for a year, and I'm a whitelighter. Hello, triple-threat. Where are you going to find somebody with that kind of experience? Mitchell: Good. You can use it to help your next charge. (Mitchell walks past her and leaves. Paige turns around watching him go, incredulous with his stubborn attitude.) [Scene: P3] (From outside, we hear the sounds of blasting and vanquishing.) (Piper waves her hands, blasting the demon in front of her. He explodes.) (Behind her, another demon steps out holding a fireball in his hand. Piper turns around and he throws it at her. She duck; the fireball hits the wall behind her.) (Piper holds her hands up.) Piper: Okay. Wait, listen. (The demon stops to listen.) New rule. I will not tolerate demon activity in my house or in my club. Got it? (She waves her hands and blasts him.) (Another demon, Lantos, appears in the club just as Paige also orbs into the club. Paige sees him. She looks around.) Paige: Uh, barstool! (She orbs the barstool, throwing it at Lantos. It hits him, knocking him over.) (Lantos looks at Piper, then shimmers out. Piper waves her hand, her blast just barely catching him as he disappears.) (Paige walks over to Piper.) Paige: Are you okay? Piper: (sighs) Yeah. I'm fine. Paige: What the hell do you think they wanted? Piper: (looks around) I have no clue. Paige: At least you're okay. (Piper sees something, her gaze settling somewhere off screen.) Piper: Yeah, but he's not. (Just outside the open back door is the delivery boy unconscious on the ground near his hand truck full with cases of beer.) (Camera holds on Paige and Piper.) [Scene: P3] (The paramedics roll out the delivery boy on a gurney. The officer at the scene talks with Piper and Paige.) Officer: He has a concussion, needs a few stitches, but otherwise he's fine. Piper: Oh, thank god. Paige: Did he say whether, you know, he'd seen anything? Officer: He was hit from behind. Last thing he remembers was loading a case of beer from his hand truck. Piper: Oh, that was good. I mean, you know, that he remembers something because that probably means he doesn't have any brain damage. Officer: Well, stick around. The detective's going to need to take a statement. (The officer turns to talk with another person. Paige and Piper step aside.) Paige: Probably doesn't have any 'brain damage'? Smooth, Piper, real smooth. Piper: Well, that's the last time I call 9-1-1. Paige: Well, sadly, now that Leo can't heal us, I think we're going to be calling that number a lot more. Piper: I can't believe this. They attack me at work now? What, is no place sacred? Paige: Well, I thought we covered pretty well. Piper: Yeah, this time, but what about next time and the time after that? Paige: Well, we'll just deal with it when it happens. Piper: No. I'm going to deal with them now. Paige: Well, before you do that, can you help me out? Reason why I came here. That guy Mitchell ... blew me off. (Piper stares at her blankly.) My charge. Piper: Oh. Paige: Oh? That's all you have for me is "oh"? Piper: Well, I can't really help you out with that whole whitelighter thing. You should probably talk to Leo. (Behind Piper, Inspector Sheridan approaches. Paige sees her, her eyes widen.) Inspector Sheridan: Excuse me. (Piper turns around.) You're Phoebe Halliwell's sisters, right? Piper: Right. Paige: Um, yeah. Inspector Sheridan: I'm Inspector Sheridan. I met Phoebe a couple weeks ago on a different case. Piper: Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you. Uh, where is Lieutenant ... Inspector Sheridan: Lieutenant Morris? He's out of town. Just taking some personal time. I'll be covering for him while he's gone. So, could you describe the suspects? Tall? Short? White? Black? Paige: Didn't really get a good look at him. Piper: Yeah. We were in the back, and by the time we came out, they were - Paige: Gone. Yeah, gone. Inspector Sheridan: What I don't understand is why would they rob the place in the middle of the day. Before you even opened. Paige: We have been asking ourselves the same question. Inspector Sheridan: Hmm. Well, we'll stay in touch. (Sheridan turns and leaves.) Paige: Well, good news is I don't think she remembers meeting us. Thank god for memory dust. Piper: Yeah, but it's not a hundred percent guaranteed. If we give her the slightest cause, her memory could come flying back, which is another reason we need to find the demon who did this. [Scene: Imara's lair.] (Lantos hesitantly approaches Imara, the sorceress, as she sits in front of her vanity mirror brushing her hair.) Imara: Come closer, Lantos. You can tell me why you failed from here just as easily as from there. Lantos: I'm confident the witch will be alone again soon. (Irritated, Imara puts her hair brush down and stands up. With her are two handmaids.) Imara: I don't have time for soon. (Imara advances on Lantos.) I need a lock of hair now. The only way to weaken Zankou is to take out his most trusted lieutenants. Daleek, Benzor, Linson ... all above ground. All of whom I can only get to with the help of the beautiful Charmed Ones. (She smirks at him.) Tell me, Lantos. (she runs her fingertips down the side of his face) Do you think I'm beautiful, too? Lantos: Of course. (One of the pretty handmaidens laughs under her breath. Imara rounds on her, grabbing her by her hand and turning her around to reveal two ugly scars running down the side of her face across her cheekbones.) Imara: Do you want another scar? I can make you look like me in no time, you know. To your chambers. (The two handmaidens leave.) Imara: We can't wait any longer. I reported to the source. I won't do the same with his successor. Lantos: Then I'll need at least a half a dozen more demons. Imara: You can't overcome the sisters with force, especially not Piper. And since she'll be expecting another attack, I need you to go after a different sister instead now. Phoebe. Lantos: Why not Paige? She's less intuitive, more predictable. Imara: But she's also a whitelighter now, which puts her in constant contact with the Elders. Besides, Phoebe's a celebrity ... idolized, envied. The way I deserve to be. And someday will be. (Lantos nods, turns and leaves.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Kitche] (Phoebe storms into the kitchen to join Piper who is cooking up potions at the stove.) Phoebe: Lawyers! There should be a special place in hell for each and every one of them. Piper: Okay, before you freak out, let me tell you about -- (Piper turns to get something from the spice cabinet.) (Phoebe paces the floor.) Phoebe: (interrupts) I mean, talk about an attack! Piper: Exactly! Phoebe: The paper's been sued by just a few people, and now the whole legal department is clamping down on the reporters. Piper: So, you're not a reporter. Anyway, as I was-- (Piper puts a jar back in the cabinet.) Phoebe: (interrupts) No. But I'm a columnist. And they're saying that I could actually be sued if I give bad advice. So they want every one of my columns to be reviewed by a professional shrink. Piper: Okay. Well, technically, you're not a real shrink. So, as I was - Phoebe: (scoffs) Excuse me? Bachelor's degree, four years. And besides, my readers don't care about my credentials, all they care about is my insight. Piper: Yes, that is true. Now, why don't you direct that famous insight towards the fact that I was attacked at P-3 today? Phoebe: Oh, my god. Are you okay? Piper: Well, I'm alive, which the demons won't be when I'm done with them providing I can find them. Phoebe: Wait. They're not in the book? Piper: Well, too many fit the description. Phoebe: God, that's so weird. Demons never attack at P-3. Piper: Even weirder, I don't think they wanted to kill me. One of them could've easily nailed me with a fireball, but then didn't. Phoebe: Huh. Piper: Here. (Piper hands her a potions vial filled with red liquid. Phoebe looks at it.) Phoebe: What's this? Piper: New policy. We carry them for protection at all times. Phoebe: Yeah, but if we don't know what kind of demon it is-- Piper: Well, it doesn't matter. If it doesn't kill them, it will at least stun them. Phoebe: Wow. And I thought I was on a rampage. Piper: Well, I'm sending the underworld a message. Basically, back off, and let me live my life. Phoebe: And I'm going to help you with that, but first I have to deal with my column. You want me to have a life, too, don't you? Piper: If you must. (And with that, Phoebe leaves the kitchen.) [Scene: Magic School. Leo's office.] (Leo is at work.) Assistant: Is there anything else, sir? Leo: I need a copy to go to every teacher and tell Mr. Feeney a definite yes on the after-school TK classes. Assistant: I'll take care of it right away. (The assistant leaves. Leo turns back to Paige who is sitting across his desk.) Leo: So you bombed with your charge, huh? Paige: Yeah. I'd say majorly. Leo: Well, don't let it get you down. Reluctant charges come with the territory. Paige: Well, I'm kind of wishing the Elders could've maybe given me a little bit more to go on. Let's see. I know that they told me he's had several whitelighters, and he has the power of hyperspeed. I pretty much could've found that out on Google. (There's a jingle.) Leo: Hold that thought. (Leo looks over at Paige's right.) Leo: Yes? (Lawrence appears in the office clutching his stomach.) Lawrence: I'm not feeling very well. Could you fill in for meat corporealizing class? Leo: No problem. Go on, get some rest. Lawrence: Thanks. (Lawrence vanishes. Paige looks at Leo and smiles, impressed with what she's seen.) Leo: What? Paige: Nothing. You're just impressive, that's all. Leo: What do you mean? Paige: Well, I was the headmistress of this school for a year. And, uh, you make it look easy, and I know it's anything but. Leo: Thanks. Paige: So, you need an assistant? (She smiles at him.) Leo: Paige. Paige: What? I don't think I'm cut out for this whitelighter stuff. And I still don't trust the Elders. Leo: Why, because they didn't tell you everything you needed to know about Mitchell? They don't tell you anything. They want you to get to know your charges yourself. Paige: Okay, then why do they send me out to some guy who hates whitelighters and doesn't even want to talk to me? Leo: Well, you've got to find a way to make him talk. It's your job. You're his guide. Look, Paige, if you don't get him to use his powers, there's a lot of future innocents that are going to be lost. Paige: Gee, thanks. No pressure there. Leo: The Elders wouldn't give you this assignment if they didn't think you could handle it. Use your instincts. Be creative. Look, once I had these charges who were a little less than willing to use their powers. So I had to assimilate myself into their lives, get them to trust me before I could help them. Pretended to be a handy man, worked like a charm. Paige: Let me guess. You married one of them? Leo: Well, let's just say that the Charmed Ones make Mitchell look like a piece of cake. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Hallway.] (Phoebe presses the elevator button. She's on the phone.) Phoebe: I don't care what they say in the legal department. That guy is not touching one word of what I've written. (The elevator bell dings and the doors open.) Phoebe: Uh, you know what? I'll be right there in a second. (Phoebe shuts her phone off as she steps into the elevator. The man and the woman inside step out. Phoebe presses the button and the doors close.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elevator.] (Two demons shimmer into the elevator behind Phoebe. She's unaware of their presence.) (Lantos takes out a pair of scissors. The other grabs Phoebe from behind. She immediately starts struggling. She uses the wall, runs up it and flips herself over bringing her back between the two demons.) Phoebe: Aah! (She kicks Lantos behind her in the stomach while pushing the second demon back against the wall in front of her. She takes out the potion and throws it at the second demon. He explodes into a white cloud of smoke.) (Lantos comes up from behind Phoebe and quickly snips off a lock of her hair.) (Phoebe turns around, grabs the hand holding the scissors and twists it down. She hits Lantos across the face. With the scissors in her hand, she turns and stabs it at him.) (Lantos shimmers out.) (Phoebe hits the elevator wall.) (She starts to tug at the scissors with both hands trying to get it out of the wall.) (The elevator bell dings.) (The doors open to Phoebe pulling the scissors out of the wall. She turns and sees a woman in the hallway waiting for the elevator.) (The woman looks at her strangely.) (Phoebe brushes the linger white smoke with her hand trying to clear it.) Phoebe: (sheepishly) It's my favorite scissors. I knew I left them somewhere. (Phoebe steps out of the elevator. She coughs as she walks past the people in the hallway.) (The man and the woman in the hallway peer into the elevator before stepping inside.) [Scene: Underworld. Imara's lair.] (Imara looks at the lock of Phoebe's hair.) Imara: What pretty hair she has. This is going to be fun. Lantos: I was lucky to get out of there alive. Her powers of intuition - Imara: (interrupts) Won't do any good once she's trapped inside my cage. Lantos: Still, if her sisters can anticipate like she can - Imara: They can't. Phoebe's power is unique. I wonder how men look at her. With lustful hearts, no doubt. Lantos: Maybe we should hold off on the transfer until we're sure. Imara: How long have we been watching them? By now, we know The Charmed Ones better than anyone, including Zankou. Lantos: But their bond is strong. (Imara gives him an irritated look, tired of his interruptions.) Lantos: To fool them even for a day-- (She walks over to him and pushes him back. Lantos goes flying across the room, landing on the floor with a thud.) Lantos: uhh! Imara: Like I've said, we've learned enough. (She turns back and puts the lock of hair on the tray held by a hand maiden.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office.] (Phoebe is on the phone. She's looking at her compact trying to get a glimpse of the back of her head.) Phoebe: I cannot believe they cut a piece from my hair, and I just spent $250 on a cut and color. Piper: (from phone) What? [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Kitchen.]] (Piper is on the phone as she carries Wyatt and Chris' food to them.) Piper: You spent $250 on a haircut? You could have bought a week's worth of groceries with that. Phoebe: Okay. I don't think the price of my haircut should be your main concern right now. Piper: (sighs) Okay, you're right. Actually, this is good news. Phoebe: For whom exactly? Piper: All of us. I mean, how many demons specialize in cutting someone's hair? It should make them easier to find. What did he look like? Long coat and greasy hair? Phoebe: Yeah, and wielding some mean scissors, which, by the way, I have. Piper: Oh, good. We can use them to scry with. (Phoebe looks up and sees Dr. Randall in the bullpen.) Phoebe: Okay. I'll drop them off at home as soon as I deal with someone else who wants a piece of me. I've got to go. Piper: Wait. Phoebe, wait ... (Phoebe hangs up.) (Dr. Randall walks into Phoebe's office.) Dr. Randall: Ms. Halliwell. Hello. I'm Dr. Randall. Phoebe: Yes. I know exactly who you are. You're the guy hereto ruin my column. Dr. Randall: Hmm. I sense some displaced anger. Phoebe: Oh, no. It's very well placed. And you can put your red pencil away because you're not touching a thing that I've written. Dr. Randall: Well, I'm afraid you don't have a say in the matter. Phoebe: Oh, really? Because the column is called "Ask Phoebe." So I'm pretty sure I do. [Scene: Underworld. Imara's lair.] (The large cauldron bubbles as Imara holds the lock of hair and chants.) Imara: (chanting) Ekat ym lous. Ekat a demrahc enu. Edart meht won. (She drops the lock of hair into the pot. It explodes. Imara falls back to the floor. Black smoke rises out from Imara and disappears through the cavern ceiling.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office.] (Dr. Randall continues to talk with Phoebe.) Dr. Randall: Let me remind you, you're not the doctor ... I am. After all, I don't see any diplomas on your walls. (Dr. Randall walks over to the wall, his back turned to Phoebe.) (Phoebe glows, a white haze is pulled out of her and disappears down into the floor while the black smoke rises up and infuses itself in her body.) (Imara's soul, now in Phoebe's body, picks up the compact, opens it and looks at herself in the small mirror. She likes what she sees.) Imara (IN Phoebe): Nice. [Scene: Underworld. Imara's lair.] (Two demons drag Phoebe, now in Imara's body, back into a golden cage.) Phoebe (IN Imara): What's going on? Where am I? Demon2: You're with us now, Phoebe. (They put her in the cage.) Demon2: Get in the cage. (The demon closes the door on her. Lantos steps forward waving a red crystal in his hand. The crystal glows and the cage is magically enforced as it glows.) Lantos: Hello, witch. I hope you enjoy the view. It'll be the last one you ever have. (Lantos steps away as Phoebe looks around the cage.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office.] (Dr. Randall, unaware that anything has happened, continues to talk with "Phoebe". "Phoebe" closes the compact.) Dr. Randall: So, whether you like it or not, you and I are going to be working together for a long time. Do we understand each other? ("Phoebe" looks at Dr. Randall and walks over to him.) Imara (IN Phoebe): Do you think I'm hot? Dr. Randall: Uh, excuse me? (She grabs him by his lapels and kisses him full on the lips. She lets him go.) Imara (IN Phoebe): This is going to be fun. ("Phoebe" heads out of her office.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Bullpen.] (With her bag slung over her shoulder, "Phoebe" walks through the bullpen. She winks at the co-worker watching her go.) Piper: (v.o.) Any luck finding our demons? [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Living room.] (Leo sits on the couch looking through a thick book. Piper walks into the room carrying more books in her hands.) Leo: Nope. (She puts them down on the side table with the other books.) Piper: Well, good. I'm glad it just wasn't me. By the way, thanks. Leo: For what? Piper: For coming home to help me in the middle of the day. Leo: You were attacked. Piper: Yeah, I'm working on that not happening so much anymore. Leo: Well, you know, Piper, you can't scare away all the demons all the time. You know that. Piper: No, but I can make them think twice about attacking again, can't I? Besides, I'd like to think that one day you could come home in the middle of the day for, I don't know ... lunch? Leo: Hmm. Well, you know, we could find something else to do for, like, an hour or so. (Leo looks at her suggestively. Piper grins back at him.) Piper: Take it easy. Keep checking. (Leo flips through the book.) Leo: Hmm. You know, I'm thinking whoever wanted the hair was probably working for an upper-level demon. The question is who. Piper: (thinking) Mmm ... soul swapper? (Piper sits down on the sofa facing Leo.) Leo: Could be. Or voodoo priestess ... or witch doctor, or demonic cloner. (She picks up a book.) Piper: A cloner? That wouldn't be such a bad thing. At least then I'd have another sister to fight demons with. (Off screen, we hear the front door close. "Phoebe" walks into the room.) Imara (IN Phoebe): Did someone say "fight demons?" 'Cause I am so there. Piper: What are you doing back so soon? Imara (IN Phoebe): Uh ... what do you mean? Piper: What happened with the shrink? Imara (IN Phoebe): Oh, I took care of him. ("Phoebe" turns and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She gasps.) Imara (IN Phoebe): Oh, my god. Piper: Oh, for god sakes. Your hair looks fine. ("Phoebe" turns her back to the mirror trying to get a glimpse of what she looks like from behind.) Leo: You know, maybe we should go up and check the Book of Shadows again. Piper: I already checked it. Imara (IN Phoebe): Maybe we should check again. (Piper looks at "Phoebe".) Imara (IN Phoebe): I mean, I'm just saying that we have to fight demons, right? (Outnumbered, Piper shuts the book she's holding and gets to her feet.) ("Phoebe" turns to leave, but stops to admire herself in the mirror again.) (She turns and leaves.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] ("Phoebe " is looking through the Book of Shadows. Leo is pacing the floor thinking while Piper sits on a stool looking through another book.) Phoebe: Any idea what these demon creeps are looking for? Leo: Not yet. But the more I think about it, the more I'm leaning towards soul swapping. Imara (IN Phoebe): Soul swapping? No, I don't buy it. Leo: Well, if it was voodoo, they could have just stolen a comb or brush to get the hair. See, soul swapping is more powerful. It requires fresh ingredients, which explains why they needed the freshly cut hair. Imara (IN Phoebe): Yeah, but demons have tried to impersonate us before, and it's never worked. I mean, we just ... know each other too well. Piper: She's got a point, and besides ... at least we still have the scissors to scry for them with. Imara (IN Phoebe): Scissors? Piper: Are they in your purse? I'll go get them. (Piper closes the book and hops off the stool. Thinking quickly, "Phoebe" gasps loudly and takes a step back.) (Piper stops. She and Leo both turn around.) Leo: Phoebe? Piper: What? Did you have a premonition? Imara (IN Phoebe): Yes, I did. A very big one. (She steps up to the Book and points to the page.) This is the guy. This is the guy we're looking for right here. (Piper and Leo approach to look.) Piper: Daleek? Oh, he doesn't look like any of the demons that attacked us. Imara (IN Phoebe): Are you sure? Leo: You know, maybe he's working with him. Imara (IN Phoebe): Yeah, that's probably it. Leo: "Upper-level demon, works above ground." You know, it could be a Zankou plant. Wouldn't be the first time. Piper: But it doesn't say anything about him cutting hair. Imara (IN Phoebe): But I saw him posing as a civilian in my premonition. What more proof do we need? Piper: Okay, but - Imara (IN Phoebe): Great! ("Phoebe" heads for the door.) I'll meet you downstairs. I'm going to go slip into something a little bit more sexy. Piper: Sexy? ("Phoebe" stops.) Phoebe, we're killing a demon, not going to the club. Imara (IN Phoebe): Did I say sexy? I meant ... comfortable. ("Phoebe" turns and heads for the door again. Piper stops her.) Piper: Wait! Imara (IN Phoebe): (whispers, irritated) God. Now what. Piper: Maybe we shouldn't go after this guy until we have the power of three. Leo: Well, you can call Paige if you need her, but now that she's a whitelighter, you got to get used to working without her. She's not going to be around as much. Imara (IN Phoebe): What he said. Leo: Yeah, and besides, you have potions. If it does turn out to bean upper-level demon, it's nothing you haven't handled before. Imara (IN Phoebe): Couldn't have said it any better myself. (Piper turns and looks at her.) Imara (IN Phoebe): I'm going to go change. ("Phoebe" turns to leave the attic.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Underworld. Imara's lair.] (Meanwhile, "Imara" is stuck in the cage. She gingerly tries to touch the lock, but it zaps her. She pulls her hand back.) Phoebe (IN Imara): Ow! Ow! (Lantos watches from behind.) Lantos: (amused) You have somewhere to go? (He laughs.) Lantos: I can't believe I was worried we wouldn't pull this off. Phoebe (IN Imara): I'll get out of here eventually. Lantos: Urgh. With a face like that, you're better off in the cage. ("Imara" turns and catches her reflection in the mirror. She gasps.) Phoebe (IN Imara): Ohh. Lantos: Aww. Don't feel all that Charmed now, do you? Phoebe (IN Imara): My sisters will get me out of this cage ... and this body. Lantos: You're forgetting. For them to come to your rescue, they first have to realize that Imara's in your body. Phoebe (IN Imara): You don't think they can tell when there's a demon in the house? Lantos: There was a demon in your house not long ago: Zankou. And everything he learned, we learned. Imara broke into his lair, stole all his information. Now she knows everything about you. Phoebe (IN Imara): I don't care. My sisters will figure it out. Lantos: By then, it'll be too late for both you and Zankou. We'll have killed all his allies, weakened him to the point where he can no longer rule. And as for you, you're only keeping Imara's body alive so her soul can return to it. Too bad there won't be a body for your soul to return to. (Lantos steps away leaving "Imara" thinking.) [Scene: Mitchell Haines' Auto Shop.] (Mitchell Haines is working in his shop. He hears tires screech and a car hitting something. He quickly stops what he's doing and runs to take a look.) [Scene: Outside Mitchell Haines' Auto Shop.] (Mitchell Haines steps outside. He stops when he sees a car smashed into an electrical pole.) Mitchell Haines: Oh, no. (Inside, is a blonde-haired woman.) Woman: Help me! Please! Someone! Help! (Mitchell glances around, then uses his hyper-speed to get to the car. He looks up at the electrical pole hovering at a precarious angle, ready to fall at any moment. He quickly opens the door, gets the woman out and with an extra burst of speed, carries her to safety just as the electrical pole comes crashing down on the car.) [Scene: Mitchell Haines' Auto Shop.] (He gently places the woman on the floor inside his auto shop.) Mitchell Haines: Are you okay? Are you hurt? (White orb lights surround the woman and she changes back into Paige.) Paige: Surprise. Mitchell Haines: What the hell? (Realizing he's been tricked, Mitchell backs away from her. She gets up.) What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? Paige: Look, I'm just trying to show you that your powers can save lives. You didn't have to save mine, but you could have if you had to. Mitchell Haines: So you tricked me? Paige: Technically. (He nods, yes.) Here's the thing. I'm trying to remind you of what your powers can do, and why you can't just walk away from a gift like that. Mitchell Haines: The hell I can't. Paige: Mitchell, please-- Mitchell Haines: You don't know me. You don't know meat all. (Mitchell storms away from her.) Paige: Could someone tell me why I'm trying to help this person? [Scene: Magic School. Great hall and hallway.] (Paige talks with Leo. They walk across the great hall and out to the hallway.) Leo: You crashed your car? Paige: It was a rental. What? I got the insurance. Leo: That's not the point, Paige. Paige: Look, you told me to trust my instincts, right? I did. Leo: Yeah, to earn his trust, not destroy it. Paige: Maybe there's a reason nobody's been able to get through to him. Maybe he just can't be gotten to. Leo: Look, I don't think there's any such thing as a lost cause, Paige. Paige: All right. Maybe it's just time to get somebody else. Leo: Paige. Paige. What? I mean it. Call the Elders and have them get another Whitelighter 'cause I'm done. I can't do it. Leo: So you're just going to give up? (Paige turns to walk away, but stops and looks back at Leo.) Paige: I cannot force Mitchell to be a witch. I can't. Leo: Maybe that's your problem. Paige: What? Leo: He's not just a witch, Paige. He's a person, too, and actually, he was a person first. Your powers are tied to your emotions, so stop concentrating on him as a witch and start focusing on him as a man. (Paige considers that advice.) [Scene: State building. Lobby] ("Phoebe" and Piper walk through the lobby heading toward the front desk. "Phoebe" is dressed in yet another outfit and wearing spiked-hells, wobbling as she walks.) Piper: We're vanquishing a City Councilman? Are you crazy? Imara (AS Phoebe): I saw him posing as a civilian. You were fine with it before. Phoebe: Yeah, that's because I thought we were going to find him in an alley or a warehouse somewhere, not downtown. Imara (AS Phoebe): You insisted that I come home from work so we could deal with it. Piper: Okay, would you stop clickity-clacking in those things for one second? Look, I want to kill demons just as much as you do, probably even more, but we can't afford to be reckless, especially with Sheridan lurking around. Imara (IN Phoebe): Sheridan? Piper: Yeah. This morning at the bar? Imara (IN Phoebe): Oh, right. Sorry. I got demon councilman on the brain. Piper: We really don't want heron our case again. ("Phoebe" stops and checks her reflection in the fire extinguisher glass.) Piper: What are you doing? Are you checking yourself out? Imara (IN Phoebe): Yeah. It's not a crime. Piper: No, but now is not the time. Don't be so vain. Imara (IN Phoebe): I just want to look presentable, okay? 'Cause we are meeting a Councilman, for god sakes. ("Phoebe" heads for the front desk. Piper follows her.) Piper: Well, then maybe you should put on a jacket. (They turn the corner.) Piper: A Councilman you think might be evil. Imara (AS Phoebe): I know is evil, and you will, too, once you freeze the scene. Piper: Yeah. If he ever moves, he's not freezing. RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you? (Piper freezes the receptionist and everyone there.) Piper: No. (She and "Phoebe" leave and head for the Councilman's office.) [Scene: State building. Councilman Wexler's office.] (Councilman Wexler is sitting behind his desk going through some papers. The door opens and he looks up to find Piper and "Phoebe" walking into his office.) Piper: Excuse me. Councilman Wexler? Councilman Wexler: (stands up) I'm sorry. Do we have an appointment? Imara (AS Phoebe): No, Daleek, actually, we don't. (Councilman Wexler powers up a fireball. Piper blasts him, but only manages to blow-up his fireball and push him back into the wall.) ("Phoebe" throws the potion vial and it hits Councilman Wexler. He explodes.) Imara (AS Phoebe): Wow! That was awesome. What was in that? Piper: Who cares? Let's go. (Piper turns and rushes out of the office.) [Scene: State building. Lobby.] ("Phoebe" follows her.) Imara (AS Phoebe): Hey. What's the rush? Everyone's frozen anyway. Piper: Yeah, well, I don't want to be here when they unfreeze and figure out that their boss is missing. Phoebe: No one will ever know we were here. (As Piper and "Phoebe" leave, the camera lingers on the security monitor. It shows both Piper and "Phoebe" in front of the front desk.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor.] (The front door opens. "Phoebe" and Piper return.) Piper: I think we should just concentrate on the demon who actually attacked us. Imara (AS Phoebe): We'll get him. Piper: When? Imara (AS Phoebe): Well, when I try and get a few more premonitions. I mean, who knows how many demons Zankou has out there. Piper: But our first demon still has a piece of your hair, and who knows when he's going to use it or come back for more. Imara (AS Phoebe): (scoffs) Who cares? With a face like this, I could be bald and look great. ("Phoebe" turns and heads up the stairs. Piper stares at her.) Piper: What the hell's gotten into you? ("Phoebe" stops and turns around.) Imara (IN Phoebe): What do you mean? Piper: What do I mean? You're walking around like a crazy person. That is when you're not stopping to check yourself out in every shiny surface you walk past. Phoebe: Well, I think I'm just a little scattered and overwhelmed, you know, with the column and all these demons and trying to help you find a normal life. Piper: And I appreciate that, but it doesn't require us going a mile a minute. Phoebe: Well, you said you wanted to make a statement to the demon world. And what better statement than to kill a lot of demons, right? Piper: Right. Where are you going? Phoebe: I'm going upstairs to change my outfit. (Points to her outfit.) I've been in this for like the last hour. ("Phoebe" disappears upstairs just as the doorbell rings. Piper turns to answer it.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Foyer.] (The front door opens. Piper finds Sheridan on the front porch.) Piper: Inspector. Hello. Inspector Sheridan: Piper. (Sheridan walks into the house uninvited.) Piper: What, uh, brings you all the way out here? (Piper closes the door.) Inspector Sheridan: Well, actually ... this does. (Sheridan hands Piper the security camera photo of Piper and "Phoebe" at the front desk.) Inspector Sheridan: The City Councilman's gone missing, and according to that photograph, the two of you were the last people to see him before he disappeared. Piper: And you think we had something to do with that? Inspector Sheridan: I don't know. (Sheridan takes the photo from Piper.) Did you? Piper: No. I mean, we went to talk to him about some branches that were hanging over our backyard. Inspector Sheridan: That's interesting, considering that he's not really your councilman. Piper: Right ... which we figured out when we talked to him. Inspector Sheridan: Oh. Piper: Satisfied? Inspector Sheridan: No, I'm not. First, there's a robbery that doesn't look like a robbery. Then a Councilman mysteriously vanishes, and both times, one of you is there. Piper: Coincidence. Inspector Sheridan: I don't believe in coincidences. We'll keep in touch. (Sheridan leaves. Piper closes the door behind her.) [Scene: Underworld. Imara's lair.] ("Imara" is pacing in her cage.) Phoebe (IN Imara): Come on, Phoebe, there's got to be a way out of here. (Lantos returns.) Lantos: Hey! Give it a rest, will ya? You're tiring out her body. Imara's going to need her strength when she returns to kill your sisters. Phoebe (IN Imara): Yeah? What makes you think I'd let any demon -- ("Imara" gasps and collapses in her cage. Lantos and the other demons look surprised.) Lantos: What's the matter with you? Get up. ("Imara" looks around and gets to her feet.) Phoebe (IN Imara): What happened? What am I doing here? (She turns and looks at Lantos.) They figured it out. They reversed the spell. Well, don't just stand there, you fools. Let me out of here. Lantos: What are you talking about? Phoebe (IN Imara): Don't you see? The witches switched our souls back. It's me. Demon2: Imara. Phoebe (IN Imara): Hurry, we don't have much time. Open up and let me out. (Demon 2 takes a step forward. Lantos stops him.) Lantos: Wait. (to "Imara") How do we know it's really you? Phoebe (IN Imara): You dare challenge me? Open the cage or I'll kill you both. Demon2: Same temper. Lantos: (to the demon) Still, we've been planning this for months, and they figure it out in a couple of hours? (to "Imara") I don't think so. Phoebe (IN Imara): They wouldn't have suspected anything if you hadn't left the scissors behind. That's right, you screwed up. Now let me out of here before they get here and kill us all. Lantos: Stay here. I'm going to go above ground. See for myself. Phoebe (IN Imara): Idiot! Phoebe will kill you the moment she sees you. LANTOS: Unless you're Phoebe, and this is just a trick. Don't let her out until I return. (Lantos shimmers out of the cave.) Phoebe (IN Imara): The witches will vanquish him, then they'll come back and vanquish all of you unless you let me out of here now. [Scene: Mitchell's auto shop.] (Mitchell is working, banging on a metal piece with a hammer when Paige orbs in.) Paige: Hi. (Mitchell stands up and pulls out a rag from his back pocket. He doesn't bother looking at her.) Mitchell Haines: Get out. Paige: Nope, I'm not going away this time. (Mitchell turns to leave, but Paige steps forward to block his path.) Paige: And neither are you. Look, I know why you stopped using magic, okay? I did some research. Mitchell Haines: You don't know anything. Paige: I know what happened. Mitchell Haines: Leave me alone. (He takes a step aside, Paige blocks his path again.) Paige: You're not going to run from me like you've run from all the others. Something happened to your fiancee, right? Jennifer? (He uses his hyper-speed, but Paige orbs into his path.) (He stops.) Paige: I can do this all night. Mitchell Haines: Why are you doing this to me? Paige: Look, I don't give a rat's ass about you being a witch or not. I'm just trying to help you. You're not just running away from your gift, you're running away from yourself. You really loved her, didn't you? Mitchell Haines: Yes, I did. Paige: How'd she die? Mitchell Haines: I was supposed to meet her. I was late, I can't remember why. By the time I got there, they had already killed her. Demons. They didn't want her. She didn't even know what they were, who I was. They were there for me, but I was ... late. If only I'd used my speed, I might have been there in time to do s-som -- Paige: You can't know that. You're never going to be able to know that. When my parents died, I blamed myself. I even used magic to try and go back in time and fix it, but I couldn't. The thing is, we're never, ever going to be able to fix everything, or save everybody, because at the end of the day, you and I are just ... people who have the ability to help other people. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] ("Phoebe" rushes into the attic in yet another outfit.) Imara (AS Phoebe): Aren't you cold? (Piper is looking through the Book of Shadows.) Piper: No, but, then again, I actually have clothes on. Imara (AS Phoebe): Yeah, I know, it's kind of skimpy, but it's just so cute, I couldn't help myself. Piper: Okay, can we get back to the demons? Imara (AS Phoebe): Right. ("Phoebe" walks over to the Book of Shadows.) You betcha. Let's see. (She starts flipping through the Book. She finds the page she wants, places her hands on the Book and gasps loudly.) Imara (AS Phoebe): Benzor. Piper: Benzor? Imara (AS Phoebe): Upper-level demon. I saw him posing as a judge, and he probably is working for Zankou, too. Piper: You got all that from one premonition? Imara (AS Phoebe): Pretty good, huh? ("Phoebe's" cell phone rings. "Phoebe" doesn't move.) Piper: Are you going to get that? ("Phoebe" looks blankly at Piper.) Piper: Your phone. Imara (AS Phoebe): Oh, right. ("Phoebe" goes to her bag, opens it, takes out her phone and answers it.) Imara (AS Phoebe): (to phone) Hello? (blankly) Dr. Randall? (pause) Oh, yes. Dr. Randall. You know what, just do what you want,-- (Piper's head whips up from the Book.) --because I don't really care. ("Phoebe" hangs up.) (Off screen, we hear a baby crying.) Piper: I'll be right back. (Piper leaves the attic.) (As soon as she's gone, Lantos shimmers into the attic holding a fireball in the palm of his hand.) ("Phoebe" turns around.) Imara (IN Phoebe): What are you doing here? Lantos: Imara? Imara (IN Phoebe): Well, who else would it be? Why aren't you watching the witch? (Lantos powers down the fireball.) Lantos: She said they sent you back to your body. I came to check. Imara (IN Phoebe): What? Piper: (o.s.) Phoebe, who are you talking to? ("Phoebe" turns to the doorway.) Phoebe: Piper, help! Lantos: What are you doing? Imara (IN Phoebe): Covering. (Piper steps into the attic.) Imara (IN Phoebe): (points) Blow him up. ("Phoebe" steps aside.) Lantos: No! (Piper waves her hands and blows Lantos up.) Imara (IN Phoebe): Phew. That was close, huh? Piper: That was the demon that attacked me in the club. Imara (IN Phoebe): And me in the elevator. (Paige orbs in.) Paige: Hey. What's up? Imara (IN Phoebe): Oh, Paige. Good. You're just in time. Paige: For what? Imara (IN Phoebe): To help us vanquish the demon that's trying to kill us. Piper: How do you know who it is? Imara (IN Phoebe): Well, the demon we just vanquished said her name. It's, uh ... ("Phoebe" heads over to the Book of Shadows and looks through it, stopping at a page.) ... Imara. We have to vanquish her right away. [Scene: Underworld. Imara's lair.] ("Imara" is still in the cage working on Demon 2.) Demon2: I can't let you out. She'll kill me. Phoebe (IN Imara): She is me. Demon2: But Lantos said -- Phoebe: (IN Imara): Lantos is dead, otherwise he would've returned by now. Demon2: (shakes his head) I don't know. Phoebe (IN Imara): If you do nothing, you'll be vanquished by the witches. But if you free me, you'll take Lantos' place and rule by my side. (Now that sounds appealing. Demon2 turns around and waves the crystal releasing the force field around the cage. The cage glows briefly. Demon2 unlocks and opens the cage door for "Imara".) Phoebe (IN Imara): You made a wise decision. ("Imara" reaches up and holds the bars above the cage door, swings herself up and kicks Demon2 in the chest. She steps out of the cage.) Demon2: Phoebe! Oh, no! ("Imara" puts her hands on her hips and looks down at Demon2. ) (Through the reflection of the mirror behind her, we see The Charmed Ones orb into the cave. "Imara" turns and looks at them.) Phoebe (IN Imara): Well, it took you long enough. Imara (AS Phoebe): Actually, I think we're right on time. ("Imara" sees "Phoebe" reach for the potion.) Phoebe (IN Imara): No, don't -- ("Phoebe" throws the potion and blows "Imara" up.) (Phoebe's white spirit remains and floats up into the air, disappearing through the ceiling.) (Piper and Paige stare up at the ceiling while "Phoebe" heads over to Demon2.) Paige: What was that? ("Phoebe" reaches down and holds onto Demon 2's shoulders.) Imara (IN Phoebe): That was Phoebe's soul. We just killed your sister. ("Phoebe" and Demon2 shimmer out of the cave leaving Piper and Paige stunned.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Sitting Room.] (Piper, Paige and Leo sit are in the sitting room. Piper paces back and forth.) Piper: I told you it was a soul swap, didn't I? Leo: I don't think right now is the time for "I told you so's". Piper: No, I think now is the perfect time, actually. There was obviously something wrong with her. Why didn't I do something? Paige: I don't think beating yourself up is going to do any good. Leo: Besides, how could we have known? You know? She took over Phoebe's body to kill demons. It's what Phoebe does. Piper: No, not lately, it isn't. Not with everything going on at work with her. I should've done something. I can't believe I didn't ... (Piper sinks down into the nearest chair.) Paige: All right, we should just concentrate on getting her back, okay? Piper: Back? Paige, her soul floated away. She's gone. Leo: (thinking) Not necessarily. I mean, we've dealt with spirits before. We know that they can keep themselves from moving on if their will is strong enough. Paige: Phoebe's definitely is. Piper: Okay, fine. Great. But Imara is still in her body, and I don't see her in a big hurry to give it up. Paige: Yeah, especially since we blew up her demonic body. Not that I'm saying it's anybody's fault. Leo: But you could always do another soul swap. Put Phoebe's soul back in her body, and send Imara's essence to, uh ... Paige: What, oblivion? Leo: Yeah, you just have to do the same ritual again. Piper: That requires a piece of Phoebe's hair, and I don't see Imara letting us get close enough to try. (Paige gets an idea.) Paige: No, but I think I might know somebody who can. (She turns and looks at Leo.) [Scene: Courthouse. Judge Hendrick's chambers] (Judge Thomas Hendricks is in his office when the door opens. "Phoebe" and Demon2 walk in.) Imara (AS Phoebe): Thomas Hendricks? Thomas Hendricks : Where'd you come from? Imara (AS Phoebe): Judge Thomas Hendricks? Thomas Hendricks : Who are you? Imara (AS Phoebe): Someone who doesn't want to work for your boss. Zankou? (Thomas Hendricks throws an energy dart at "Phoebe". She ducks and the dart blows up Demon2 standing behind her.) Imara (AS Phoebe): Damn, that was my favorite minion. (She turns and quickly throws the potion at the Judge. He explodes.) Imara (AS Phoebe): All right, who's next? (Suddenly, the door opens. A flash of white light enters the room. Mitchell Haines snips off a piece of "Phoebe's" hair.) Mitchell Haines: Thanks. (And with another burst of hyper speed, Mitchell is gone. The door shuts behind him.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] (Leo walks toward the potions table where Paige and Piper are working. Paige adds ingredients to the boiling pot while Piper looks over the spell.) (A bright light zooms in through the door and stops neat to Paige. It's Mitchell. He hands her the lock of hair.) Mitchell Haines: (panting) She's pretty pissed. Paige: (chuckles) Thanks. (Paige tosses the hair into the pot. The pot gives off a small explosion.) Paige: Whoo! (The smoke clears.) Piper: Wait. (Behind them, "Phoebe" shimmers into the room. Piper and Paige turn around.) Piper: Now. (They both start chanting.) Piper & Paige: (both) Lock of hair completes our goal, to help us reclaim our sister's soul, ("Phoebe" powers up a fireball and throws it at them. Without missing a beat, Piper raises her hand and blocks the fireball, exploding it in front of "Phoebe". "Phoebe" takes a step back landing on the floor with a thud.) Piper & Paige: (both) banish this demon, spare no pain, bring Phoebe back from the ghostly plane." (There's a small poof as Imara's soul is released from Phoebe's body. The black smoke rises up toward the ceiling.) (Phoebe's white soul quickly heads downward back into her own body. Phoebe looks up.) (With nowhere to go, Imara's soul lets out a painful cry as it sinks downward, disappearing into the floor.) (Phoebe scrambles to her feet.) Phoebe: Whoa. Ooh. Paige: Are you okay? Phoebe: (angry) No, I am not okay! How could you not know that thing was inside me? (Piper holds up the piece of paper with the spell on it, trying to block out Phoebe's anger.) Piper: Oh, don't start with me! (Phoebe notices Mitchell behind them.) Phoebe: Who's this guy? Paige: This is, um, my first charge. Mitchell. He saved you. (Phoebe turns and smiles at Mitchell.) Phoebe: Oh. Thank you. Mitchell Haines: Don't thank me. Thank my whitelighter. She saved me. Phoebe: (mumbles) He's cute. Piper & Paige: (both) She's back. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office.] (Elise walks through the bullpen and heads to Phoebe's office. She puts the newspaper page on Phoebe's valise. Phoebe looks at it.) Phoebe: Ooh, do I even want to read this? Elise Rothman: Don't see why not, considering it's word for word what you wrote. Dr. Randall is no longer with the paper. Phoebe: Really? Did you fire him? Elise Rothman: He didn't leave me much choice. He, uh ... (chuckles) ... he claimed you came on to him. Phoebe: I did? Elise Rothman: Exactly. And that was just his first lie. He also said you told him he could do whatever he wanted to do with the column, that you didn't care one way or the other. Phoebe: (scoffs) Ugh. Well, he must have me confused with someone else. Elise Rothman: Which is exactly what I said when I kicked his butt out the door. Phoebe: That's fine by me. So are we going to be hiring someone else? Elise Rothman: I told legal we never had a problem with your column before, and until we do, back off. Phoebe: I appreciate that vote of confidence, Elise. But I've been thinking, and maybe my column could use a little bit more professional insight. Elise Rothman: How so? (Phoebe zips up her bag, grabs her things and heads out the door.) Phoebe: I'll let you know. I've gotta run it by my sisters first. (Phoebe leaves the office.) [Scene: P3] (Paige carries her drink over to where Piper's sitting.) Paige: Hey! How'd you fix this place up so fast? Paige: Potions? Spells? Piper: Even better. Husband. Paige: Ooh. Getting Leo to go back to work. Nothing says normal quite like that. And hey, we haven't had a demon attack all day. Piper: Well, hopefully the demon world took note of our rampage. Paige: I don't think killing Imara constitutes a rampage. Piper: No, but killing Imara, Daleek, and Benzor does. Paige: Okay, we didn't kill the last two. Piper: Yeah, but the demon world doesn't know that. Phoebe: No, they just think I did it. (Phoebe carries her bottled water and joins them.) Phoebe: Which is fine by me, actually. Piper: Me, too. (Phoebe sits down next to Piper.) Phoebe: Okay, so, you guys want to know what the real Phoebe's going to do next? Paige: What? Phoebe: I've decided that I'm going to go back to college. Piper: College? Again? Phoebe: Yeah. I think I want to get my graduate degree. This way, the paper'll get off my back, and I can actually get my professional credentials, and who knows? Maybe even be a better columnist. Piper: What happened to the woman who said her readers didn't care about credentials? Phoebe: Well, as a future psychologist, um, I can honestly say that I -- Paige: Was swimming in a big bag of denial? Phoebe: Yes, exactly. Piper: What about the shrink at work? Phoebe: I don't think he'll be a problem anymore. Paige: Well, girls, unfortunately, I think Inspector Sheridan is going to be a problem. Phoebe: Wait, she's on our case again? Paige: And how. [Scene. San Francisco Police Department. Office] (Inspector Sheridan is sitting at her desk looking through a file marked, "HALLIWELL". There's a light knock at the door and Inspector Ryan steps into the office.) Inspector Ryan : Did you hear about Judge Hendricks? Inspector Sheridan: No, what? (Inspector Ryan puts his jacket on.) Inspector Ryan : He disappeared, too. Must be an epidemic. Inspector Sheridan: Yeah, must be. Inspector Ryan : If you need a hand with the Councilman's case, just let me know. Inspector Sheridan: No, it's all right. I got it. (Inspector Ryan nods and leaves. He closes the door behind him.) (Sheridan opens another file and continues reading.)

After a spell is cast on Phoebe by the 'ugliest' demon in the Underworld, beauty-hungry sorceress Imara, their souls switch bodies and Phoebe ends up becoming trapped in a cage. Paige is in quandary when her first charge (Seamus Dever) appears to be lost to the dark side. Then by accident The Charmed Ones vanquish Phoebe's soul. They realize that Imara was in Phoebe's body, so they vanquish Imara (but not Phoebe's body) and get back Phoebe's soul. In the end Phoebe is yelling at her sisters.

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PLANET OF THE DALEKS BY: TERRY NATION 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. JUNGLE (NIGHT) (VABER struggles in the Spiridon's grasp.) SPIRIDON: Take him to the Daleks... (They lift him to his feet and start to carry both him and the two bombs away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE JUNGLE (NIGHT) (TARON and CODAL follow VABER'S trail. Hearing movement, they hide in the bushes as watch as the procession of the Spiridons and their prisoner passes.) TARON: (Whispers.) They've got Vaber. CODAL: And the bombs! TARON: (Whispers.) We must get them. (They start to follow the group.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. PLAIN OF STONES (NIGHT) (The eyes of the animals watching the group at the plain of stones continue to glow in the darkness. The four left behind have lit a fire in the rocks and look out at the circle of watchers.) REBEC: What sort of creatures are they? DOCTOR: I've no idea...but whatever they are, they're moving in closer. REBEC: I'll try a shot at them. (She fires her gun. The end lights up and one of the creatures gives a howl of pain. The eyes disappear.) LATEP: (Delighted.) They've gone. It scared them off. DOCTOR: Yes...but they don't stay scared for long, do they? (The eyes appear in the darkness as the creatures return. REBEC fires again. There is another howl of pain.) LATEP: Let them get in closer. (REBEC looks at her gun.) REBEC: That's the last of my charges! (LATEP looks at his.) LATEP: And I've only two left. (The eyes continue to watch.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. JUNGLE (NIGHT) (The procession of Spiridons moves through the jungle. One leads the way, two follow with the struggling VABER, a fourth carries the bombs and a fifth brings up the rear. This one holds back slightly and TARON and CODAL jump out of the trees and wrestle it to the ground. TARON has a large stick and he clubs the Spiridon with it. They take the fur off the invisible creature.) TARON: Help me into this. CODAL: Alright. TARON: Let's see if we can get in. (TARON wraps the fur over his shoulders.) TARON: Now listen, I'll try to get close to one of the others. Be ready to move in when I jump in. CODAL: Right. TARON: Right. CODAL: Good luck. (TARON covers his head and moves off after the others.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. PLAIN OF STONES (NIGHT) (LATEP fires his gun. Another creature howls and he checks the levels of his now useless gun.) LATEP: That's it. (The group looks nervously at each other. The DOCTOR picks up a large stick.) DOCTOR: Well, if they come in ones and twos, we might manage to beat them off. LATEP: And if they rush us? (The DOCTOR places the stick into the fire, waits a minute and then lifts it out. The end is alight.) DOCTOR: I'm going to try something. (He stands up and waves the flaming torch into the darkness with wild cries. Frightened, the creatures roar and the pinpoints of lighted eyes start to disappear.) DOCTOR: Don't just stand round there - get yourselves torches. They're frightened of flame. LATEP: But, Doctor, there won't be enough wood for the fire. DOCTOR: We'll just have to hope that supply lasts till morning. We've got to keep that fire going at all costs! (He waves his torch again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. JUNGLE (NIGHT) (The group of Spiridons continues through the trees. CODAL has kept up with them and whispers to the last of the group.) CODAL: Taron! Taron! (The final fur-wrapped figure hangs back and looks at the Thal.) CODAL: If you can work your way through to Vaber, and get close to him, then I'll... (CODAL hesitates as he starts to suspect the worst. He opens the front of the fur wrap. There is nothing behind it. The real Spiridon pushes CODAL to the ground and then lifts up a huge rock to crush him with. In so doing, he fails to see TARON behind him with a raised stick and it is the Spiridon instead who becomes the victim. TARON helps CODAL up.) TARON: (Whispers.) Come on... (CODAL looks the worst for wear.) TARON: (Whispers.) You nearly got yourself killed! CODAL: (Quietly.) I thought it was you. (TARON picks up the fur from the Spiridon on the ground.) TARON: (Whispers.) Get into this. (CODAL puts the fur round himself.) TARON: (Whispers.) Now stay close to me. We've got to near the one carrying the bombs. When I jump him, grab the bombs and make off quickly. Make as much noise as you can. They'll follow you. I'll try and free Vaber. CODAL: (Quietly.) Oh, I'll...I'll try and head back for the Doctor. If all goes well, I'll meet you there. TARON: (Whispers.) Alright. (They cover themselves fully and follow the group again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. PLAIN OF STONES (DAWN) (The sky is starting to become lighter. The DOCTOR is deep in thought over the remains of the fire. JO huddles in the cold.) JO: Penny for them? DOCTOR: Ah, I was just thinking about Vaber. What on earth possessed him to go rushing off like that? REBEC: Once we'd worked out the plan, he wanted to attack straight away. DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) Plan, what plan? REBEC: To blow up the refrigeration unit. DOCTOR: (Appalled.) What? But that's the worse thing he could possibly do. REBEC: But Codal said if we destroyed the refrigeration unit, we'd be destroying the Daleks. DOCTOR: On the contrary, you'd be bringing their army to life. LATEP: How, Doctor? JO: Oh, I get it - the Daleks you saw in the arsenal were in, sort of, suspended animation? DOCTOR: No ageing process, no degeneration. An army of Daleks in cold storage until they're needed. REBEC: So that's why they built the refrigeration unit? JO: And you mean, they need a constant controllable low temperature because the volcano's too unstable? DOCTOR: Yes, that's about it. And the moment that temperature rises, the Dalek army's going to be on the move. Now we've got to find the others and warn them. (Suddenly...) WESTER: Ah, Jo! (A purple fur-covered figure looms over them.) DOCTOR: A Spiridon! (The DOCTOR jumps to his feet with a stick to club it.) JO: Doctor - no! (The DOCTOR hesitates as JO grabs his arm.) JO: That's Wester - he's the Spiridon that helped me. DOCTOR: You sure? JO: Yes. (The DOCTOR throws his stick down.) DOCTOR: Well, please accept my thanks...Mr. Wester. I owe you a very great deal. WESTER: Jo, I have news from inside the city. JO: Well, what is it? WESTER: The Daleks have prepared a bacteria bomb. It will destroy every living thing on this planet. DOCTOR: Except, presumably, the Daleks? WESTER: Yes, they have a way of immunising themselves. They are preparing them to release the bomb now. JO: Well, what shall we do? WESTER: I shall go back into the city. Perhaps I can find some way of delaying them. DOCTOR: Well, thank you for warning us. We'll do all that we can to help you. WESTER: Goodbye, Jo. JO: Goodbye, Wester. WESTER: I must go now. (The figure moves off. JO shouts after him.) JO: Wester! Take care. REBEC: (To the DOCTOR.) What shall we do about Taron and Codal? DOCTOR: Well, we'll wait till it's full light, if they're not back by then, we move out without them. REBEC: Very well. (REBEC and LATEP move off to confer.) JO: Doctor - what shall we do? DOCTOR: Well, first of all we've got to stop the Daleks releasing their bacteria, second - we've got to make sure their army stays inactive and third - we've got to generally put an end to their chances of invasion of other planets. JO: Well, how're we going to do all that? (The DOCTOR checks to make sure that the Thals can't hear him and then shakes his head.) DOCTOR: I haven't the faintest idea. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. JUNGLE CLEARING (The Spiridons drag VABER into a clearing where two DALEKS wait.) DALEK: Halt! (The group halts. One of them steps forward with the bombs.) DALEK: What is this? SPIRIDON: We have captured one of the aliens. DALEK: We will question him. (It glides closer to VABER.) DALEK: Where are the others hiding? (VABER remains silent.) DALEK: Answer! VABER: If you want them... (TARON and CODAL are with the group. TARON looks alarmed at the start of this answer...) VABER: If you want them - you find them! DALEK: Answer - or we will exterminate you! VABER: I haven't seen them. DALEK: The others are near the plain of stones. You will lead us to them. (The gunsticks aim at him.) VABER: (Frightened.) No! DALEK: You will lead us to them! VABER: (Frightened.) No...no, don't fire. I'll take you there. Whatever you say. DALEK: We will start immediately. (VABER throws off the Spiridon holding him.) VABER: It's...it's back this way. (He points in one direction but then pushes his Spiridon guards aside and dives into the trees. A Spiridon gives chase. The DALEKS fire, killing both VABER and their Spiridon slave. TARON and VABER use the distraction to try to get the bombs. TARON grabs the Spiridon who is holding them while CODAL snatches the bombs from his grasp. They then both run off into the jungle. The DALEKS follow.) DALEK: Pursue! Pursue! [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK LEADER glides from the control room and towards the laboratory where another DALEK waits near the tank of bacteria. Over it, hangs a heat-lamp type of device.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. DALEK CITY. LABORATORY (The door slides upwards and the DALEK LEADER enters.) DALEK LEADER: Report. SECOND DALEK: The antidote is prepared and ready to be administered. DALEK LEADER: Demonstrate. (The overhead lamp lowers and flashes over the two DALEKS.) SECOND DALEK: Synthesised anti-bacteria elements are released in immediate vicinity of subject. The elements provide immunity on contact. (The lamp stops flashing.) SECOND DALEK: We are now protected against the bacteria. DALEK LEADER: Approved. I will order all Dalek units and Spiridon slave workers assembled here for treatment shortly. Is the bacteria ready for release? SECOND DALEK: All is prepared. (The bacteria has continued to develop. The vegetation matter in the tank has now disappeared and a green gelatinous substance now remains.) DALEK LEADER: The final phase of the operation is to commence immediately. (The DALEK LEADER turns to leave the room.) SECOND DALEK: Removal of the container top is all that is required to allow bacteria to enter the atmosphere. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK LEADER glides into the control room.) DALEK LEADER: Transmit a general call to all units. They are to report here immediately for protective treatment prior to release of bacteria. THIRD DALEK: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. PLAIN OF STONES (The DOCTOR is stamping out the smoking cinders of the fire when LATEP holds up a hand of caution.) LATEP: Shh! (They wait. TARON and CODAL run, gasping for breath, into the plain carrying the bombs and the furs.) DOCTOR: Where on earth did you get those? TARON: We persuaded a couple of Spiridons to part with them. DOCTOR: Well done. Have you got the bombs? CODAL: Yes. LATEP: Where's Vaber? CODAL: He's dead. TARON: I'll tell you about that later. We've got to move away from here. There's a Dalek patrol right behind us. DOCTOR: Now wait! We can't go on running forever. It's time for a change of tactics. TARON: We can't risk a straightforward confrontation. DOCTOR: No, I agree, so let's stop for a moment and use our intelligence, shall we? TARON: Alright...what have you got in mind? DOCTOR: Well, to take any effective and permanent action, we've got to get inside that city. REBEC: How do we do that? DOCTOR: Well, I do have a plan. You'll have to trust me. (The Thals look at each other, then...) TARON: What do you want us to do? DOCTOR: Well, first of all, we've got to make sure that a Dalek patrol finds us. Somebody must go out, show themselves and then lead them back here. LATEP: I'll go. DOCTOR: Thank you, Latep. Now try and lead them around for a bit before you bring them back here. We'll need a little time to get ourselves ready. LATEP: Alright. (He starts to leave.) JO: Wait, Latep, I'm coming with you. DOCTOR: (Shocked.) Jo! JO: Doctor, I'm tired of being hunted too. DOCTOR: Yes, alright. (The two move off.) DOCTOR: Taron? (The DOCTOR indicates that he wants TARON to follow him. He hands his fur to REBEC.) CODAL: We'll keep watch. (TARON follows the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. ICE POOL (Nearby is a large pool of molten ice. Steam and bubbles rise out of it, causing a mist to hang over the whole area. The DOCTOR leads TARON down to it.) DOCTOR: I noticed this this morning. Have you seen them before? TARON: Yes, they're all over the place - molten ice pools. A sort of natural spring. (The DOCTOR takes off a glove and picks out some of the molten ice in his hand. He shakes it off.) DOCTOR: Yes, and hyper-cold. Yes, it's an odd phenomena - the water on this planet. It sustains sub-zero temperatures and yet remains semi-liquid. TARON: I'm sorry, I don't see the significance of all this. We've known about these ice pools for some time. DOCTOR: The Daleks are vulnerable to extremely low temperatures...and they hardly function at all at sub-zero level. (TARON smiles as he realises what the DOCTOR is getting at.) TARON: Yes...yes, I see. Come on, let's look around. Find a way of making it work. DOCTOR: Yes, it's a good feeling, isn't it? When the hunted become the hunters. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. DALEK CITY ENTRANCE (A group of five Spiridon slave workers and their DALEK escort glide into the city, past the DALEK guards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (They enter the control room and stand in line before the DALEK LEADER.) DALEK LEADER: Spiridon slave workers will proceed to level four to await treatment. Move! (The Spiridons shuffle off. The DALEK LEADER turns to another DALEK at the control bank.) DALEK LEADER: Report. SECOND DALEK: Dalek patrol three is proceeding towards the city with remainder of Spiridon slave workers. DALEK LEADER: Only patrol seven remains unaccounted for. (It turns and faces another DALEK.) DALEK LEADER: Report. THIRD DALEK: Contact with patrol seven established. They have made contact with aliens and are in pursuit. They request permission to continue. DALEK LEADER: Permission granted. Advise that no prisoners are to be taken. They are to be exterminated. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. JUNGLE (Hand in hand, JO and LATEP run through the trees and pause to rest, crouched down in a clearing. They both gasp for breath.) LATEP: You alright? JO: Bit winded. Never run so far in all my life! (She coughs.) LATEP: I think we've given them enough running around now. It's time we started back for the others. JO: Right. (He looks into the trees.) LATEP: (Whispers.) There we are! (Two DALEKS glide nearby.) LATEP: (Whispers.) Are you ready? JO: (Whispers.) Yes. (They stand up in sight of the DALEKS and run off. The DALEKS burst through the bushes in pursuit.) DALEK: Pursue! Pursue! Pursue! Surrender! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. PLAIN OF STONES (The DOCTOR and TARON return to the CODAL and REBEC. She is keeping watch.) DOCTOR: Right, you all set? TARON: Yes, we're ready. DOCTOR: Good. REBEC: Doctor - it's Jo and Latep! (The two run gasping into the group.) JO: The Daleks are right behind us. (TARON looks at the DOCTOR.) TARON: Scatter! DOCTOR: Come on, Jo! (He grabs JO'S hand and they all run off in different directions. After a moment, the DALEKS glide into the plain of stones. Hidden behind one of the rocks, the DOCTOR and JO watch.) DOCTOR: Alright, I'll try and draw them off that way. (He nods in one direction. The DOCTOR runs off past the DALEKS before they can react into the mists.) FIRST DALEK: Give protective fire. (The FIRST DALEK glides after him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. ICE POOL (The DOCTOR steps through the mud at the edge of the molten pool and hides behind a rock.) DOCTOR: Taron! Taron, get ready! (The DALEK glides nearer and stops. The DOCTOR runs off again to draw it along and he manages to hide behind another rock just before it fires at him. As the DALEK glides forward, TARON runs over a small rise and grabs the DALEK. The DALEK starts to turn and therefore to be able to fire at TARON.) DOCTOR: Get out of its line of fire! (The DOCTOR runs up and starts to pull the DALEK with TARON.) DOCTOR: Pull it! (They start to pull it towards the molten pool.) FIRST DALEK: Assist! Assist! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. PLAIN OF STONES (JO peeks out from behind her rock. The SECOND DALEK spots her.) SECOND DALEK: Halt! (JO runs out from the other side of the rock and tries desperately to keep behind the DALEK. They each turn one way and the other playing a desperate game of cat and mouse.) SECOND DALEK: Surrender! Surrender or you will be exterminated! Surrender! (The DALEK suddenly spins round knocking JO to the ground. She falls with a cry.) SECOND DALEK: Surrender or you will be exterminated! (It aims at her but suddenly CODAL runs forward and throws his Spiridon rug over it. He then starts to grapple with the creature himself.) SECOND DALEK: I cannot see! (LATEP and REBEC run forward. LATEP starts to hit at the DALEK with a rock while REBEC helps JO to her feet in order that all four can help in the fight.) SECOND DALEK: Emergency! Alert! Vision impaired! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. ICE POOL (Meanwhile, the DOCTOR and TARON are still struggling with the FIRST DALEK towards the molten pool. It swings its eye-stick round and hits TARON who falls to the ground. He looks up in terror as the DALEK aims at him but the DOCTOR exerts all his strength and pushes the creature onto an incline towards the pool. It starts to roll towards it.) FIRST DALEK: Assist! Assist! Assist! Assist! Assist! (As the FIRST DALEK enters the pool, the other four push the SECOND DALEK in the same direction, past the DOCTOR and TARON.) CODAL: Hold on! SECOND DALEK: Assist! Assist! (The SECOND DALEK enters the pool. The two creatures are both still at slight angles in the liquid. The group is overjoyed.) JO: We've beaten it! DOCTOR: Well done. Well done everybody! Now come on, Taron. We've got work to do. TARON: Latep, switch on your thermal liner. (The two men switch on the units on the belts and wade into the pool and up to the DALEKS.) DOCTOR: Keep out of their angle of fire. They may still be dangerous. (They nod their understanding and grab hold of the casings.) DOCTOR: Right, now lift up the top section. (The two Thals do so.) DOCTOR: Are they dead? TARON: Yes, that...the shock of the sudden cold must have killed them straight away. (The group on the bank watch as the creatures inside as lifted out of the casing and dumped in the pool. REBEC looks on with disgust while JO'S eyes widen with horror at the sight.) DOCTOR: Right, get that one up onto the bank. (TARON and LATEP start to push the casing of the SECOND DALEK.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (A fur covered Spiridon - WESTER - hangs about on the periphery of the control room. He moves quickly out of the way as a DALEK glides into the room and up to the DALEK LEADER.) DALEK LEADER: Report. SECOND DALEK: We have lost contact with patrol seven. Last reported position was they were entering the plain of stones in pursuit of the aliens. DALEK LEADER: No further information? SECOND DALEK: Weak signal from the automatic distress transmitter, then silence. DALEK LEADER: We will wait no longer. (The DALEK LEADER glides into the laboratory. A THIRD glides round the corner and sees WESTER.) THIRD DALEK: Stop! What are you doing here? WESTER: My name is Wester. I have a vital message for the section leader. I've made contact with the aliens - lured them into a trap. THIRD DALEK: The section leader is occupied. WESTER: He ordered an immediate report. THIRD DALEK: You will enter the laboratory and report when the section leader is free. (WESTER enters the laboratory.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. DALEK CITY. LABORATORY (The door slides down behind him. The two DALEKS within ignore him.) DALEK LEADER: We will commence to administer the protective treatments immediately. DALEK: I have located minor mechanical fault in the equipment. It will be rectified quickly. DALEK LEADER: Work at all speed. I shall assist you. (The DALEK LEADER turns and knocks the tank of bacteria.) DALEK: Caution! Caution! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. DALEK CITY ENTRANCE (At a small distance, the DOCTOR looks at the city entrance. He then turns back to the group of JO, LATEP and the retrieved DALEK. He leans down and speaks to the casing.) DOCTOR: Alright, Rebec. REBEC: (OOV: Inside casing.) Yes, I think so. DOCTOR: Latep, you sure you know the way to the ventilator shaft? LATEP: Taron marked it on the chart, Doctor. JO: Can we come with you, Doctor? DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Jo. No, it must be a two-pronged attack and double our chances of success. Have you got the bomb? (LATEP holds up one of the bombs.) DOCTOR: Whichever group gets there first must detonate that bomb in one of the tunnels near the cooling unit - block off the Daleks completely. Now, whatever you do, don't damage the refrigeration unit. It's absolutely vital that that continues to function. JO: We understand. (TARON and CODAL, wrapped in Spiridon furs run up. They hold a third fur.) TARON: Here you are then! DOCTOR: More gentle persuasion? TARON: You could put it like that. DOCTOR: Right, put it on. (TARON helps the DOCTOR into the fur. Only his head pokes out.) DOCTOR: Well, Jo, do I pass? JO: You'll do - at a pinch. Good luck, Doctor. (She hugs him.) DOCTOR: And to you. LATEP: Good luck. DOCTOR: Alright, Rebec? REBEC: (OOV: Inside casing.) Alright. DOCTOR: (To TARON and CODAL.) Okay? (The three cover their heads with the furs.) DOCTOR: Right, off we go. (The three "Spiridons" and their "DALEK" escort move towards the city entrance, watched by JO and LATEP. As the group of four approach the doors, a DALEK glides out. JO and LATEP duck into the bushes.) DALEK: All units were ordered to return to base. You are late. Report to central control immediately. (The group carries on into the city.) JO: (Whispers.) They're in! LATEP: (Whispers.) We'd better get going. JO: (Whispers.) Right. LATEP: (Whispers.) Come on. (They move off into the trees.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Beyond the glass, the two DALEKS and WESTER can still be seen in the laboratory. The DOCTOR'S group enters unchallenged and see what is taking place.) TARON: What are they doing? (TARON and the DOCTOR peek out of their furs.) DOCTOR: Presumably, they're preparing the bacteria. TARON: There's a Spiridon in there. DOCTOR: That's Wester! [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. DALEK CITY. LABORATORY DALEK: Fault rectified. Equipment now fully operational. DALEK LEADER: We are both already immune. We will start to administer the protective treatment to all units at once. (WESTER runs forward and grabs the glass top of the tank and starts to heave it off.) DALEK LEADER: You must not open the container! (The misty substance within starts to fill the room. The air starts to flare red as WESTER, unprotected, groans and falls to the floor. The DALEK LEADER turns to open the door, but is warned off.) DALEK: Bacteria is released. Do not open door! Repeat: do not open door! [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Another DALEK in the control room glides forward in a panic. The DOCTOR'S group have observed these events.) DOCTOR: (Whispers.) If they open that hermetically sealed door even a fraction of an inch, the bacteria will escape and destroy everything - including themselves. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DALEK CITY. LABORATORY (Within the laboratory, WESTER, now dead, starts to assume a visible form. His face fades into view within the furs. The Spiridons are humanoid but with a double row of eyebrows, almost like ridges on their forehead and a nose that spreads out partially across their cheeks.) DALEK LEADER: We cannot leave here. No one can enter. We can never leave here - never, never, never! [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Let's try and get to the lower levels. (TARON nods.) TARON: Alright, Rebec. (REBEC starts to move her casing forward and the others follow but a DALEK glides forward.) DALEK: Wait! Spiridon slave workers are to report to level four immediately. (The group hesitates.) DALEK: Move! (Within the furs, TARON looks at the DOCTOR and then they set off. Bringing up the rear is CODAL, but he fails to spot that his booted foot is sticking out from his fur. The DALEK looks down and sees it.) DALEK: Wait - you are not Spiridons! Emergency! Emergency! Emergency!

The Doctor and his friends ambush two Daleks as part of their planet to get back into the city but the Daleks are on the verge of unleashing their virus.

fd_Veronica_Mars_02x02

fd_Veronica_Mars_02x02_0

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Veronica's welcoming expression as she stands at her door turns into one of concern in 201 Normal Is the Watchword. VERONICA: Logan? Logan, beaten and bloody, turns and falls into her arms. VERONICA: Logan, what happened? Cut to the Coronado Bridge. Logan challenges Weevil. LOGAN: What do you think you can do to me, huh? WEEVIL: I'll think of something. Felix and the other five bikers pull Logan off the edge of the bridge. A little later, Logan is on the ground. He sees Felix's body. VERONICA: [offscreen] Oh my God, Logan. At the Mars residence, Logan looks up at Veronica as he lies on her lap. LOGAN: No, but I didn't stab him, Veronica. VERONICA: I believe you. Logan emerges from the court into an angry crowd. In the car with Veronica, he is shell-shocked. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Logan's high-priced lawyers crushed the PCHers and the town went crazy. Logan and Veronica are interrupted during a make-out session in his car when a gun blast from a motorcycle shatters the windows. Cut to Veronica and Logan, facing each other while sitting on the couch at the Mars apartment. LOGAN: Are you breaking up with me? VERONICA: Someone's gonna get killed, Logan. Logan smashes a lamp and Veronica jerks back in fear and shock. Cut to Neptune High. Logan leans against the bus, mocking Veronica as she waits for Duncan. LOGAN: Ahh, young love. Logan faces Veronica and Duncan by the bus. VERONICA: Let's just get on the bus. LOGAN: Hey, wait, [to Veronica] I'm gonna miss you. Veronica and Duncan, having boarded the bus, watch Logan outside as he waves. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Did I mention that he didn't take the break-up that well? Kendall Casablancas comes into shot, resplendent in black bikini, hot pink robe and Margarita. LOGAN: [offscreen] So where did you dad meet her? DICK: [offscreen]She was a Laker girl and you know my dad... Logan and Dick watch Kendall appreciatively from loungers at the side of the pool. DICK: ...he had good seats. Cut to the Sharks Field. Veronica watches Dick invite Meg to return to Neptune in the limo. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The way she's acting, you'd think I seduced Duncan on their wedding day. Veronica faces Duncan. VERONICA: I'm gonna go try and talk to Meg one more time. DUNCAN: You don't owe her anything. You didn't do anything to her. Woody Goodman campaigns for the youth vote. GOODMAN: I thought it was important as a mayoral candidate that my daughter, Gia... Gia, sitting amongst the other students on the field trip, gives a little wave. GOODMAN: ...attend the public high school in Neptune. Cut to the bus. Meg sees Veronica talking to Weevil at the gas station where the bus has stopped. MS DUMASS: All here? MALE STUDENT: Yeah. MEG: All here. Veronica misses the bus. Cut to her catching a ride with Weevil and their coming across the scene of an accident. The limo has stopped before them. Veronica runs to the edge. GIA: They're all dead. It just went straight off the cliff. They're all dead. Duncan holds Veronica as she stares over the edge. End previously. INT - THE HUT - DAY. A display of cakes and pies is being considered by Veronica, bent down at the door to the refrigerated unit. VERONICA VOICEOVER: If a school bus, traveling forty miles per hour... Veronica takes one of the pies and brings it up to the counter. VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...drives off a cliff and plunges ninety feet into the jagged coastline... She places a slice of pie onto a plate. VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...how many seconds did the six high school students, their teacher, and bus driver have to contemplate the fact that they're about to die? Veronica grabs the pie and the slice. She puts the pie back in the unit. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Two Mississippis' worth of screams, life flashes, and prayers, maybe? Veronica hands the plate over to one of the waitresses. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But if anyone used that time to make a deal with his maker, only one of them was heard. Duncan descends the stairs into the coffee shop as Veronica settles at the front desk. VERONICA: How's Meg? DUNCAN: The same, unconscious but hanging in there. Veronica turns and addresses the waitress. VERONICA: Hey, Cindy. I'm gonna take my break. Can you watch the front? CINDY: Okay. Veronica takes Duncan's hand and leads him over to behind the counter. DUNCAN: You have to stop torturing yourself. VERONICA: I'm not torturing myself. I'm experiencing an appropriate degree of guilt. DUNCAN: There's no crime. This isn't your fault. Unnoticed by both, Jackie Cook, imperious and impatient, approaches the counter, arms folded. She listens with barely disguised disdain. VERONICA: If it wasn't for me, Meg would've been in the limo. She'd be home. She wouldn't need a machine to breathe. DUNCAN: You're not the only one she was avoiding. Veronica worries her necklace. VERONICA: Yeah, I was. Jackie huffs and leans forward, trying to attract attention. VERONICA: If I wasn't with you, Meg would've been. And she'd be safe. Jackie clears her throat loudly. Veronica and Duncan give her their attention. JACKIE: When you guys are done breaking up, can I get a macchiato? VERONICA: I'm actually just the hostess, but I c-- JACKIE: Look, I don't care if you're the house magician. Can you just make me a macchiato? Veronica walks closer to the counter, staring at Jackie. She holds out her hands and makes a "Poof" gesture. VERONICA: You're a macchiato. Veronica turns her back on Jackie, who looks at Duncan. JACKIE: You know you can do better, right? Veronica swings her head back round, seriously offended. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Lamb is facing nine members of the press (including the man who nearly spoke to Veronica and Weevil at the party in 110 An Echolls Family Christmas, who holds a microphone for KQUA). The lead reporter is Lee Ann Kim, real life San Diego TV news anchor/reporter from KGTV 10. REPORTER #1: Will any sort of bus maintenance records be made public? Several parents have questioned the district's commitment to providing new, well-maintained busses in a town where only kids from the poor side of town take the bus. Lamb stands behind the counter, his deputies watching from behind him. LAMB: The bus driver was from that same side of town. Maybe they should think about that. Woody Goodman is at the back of the reporters, watching. REPORTER #1: So, is the bus driver the focus of your investigation right now? LAMB: Are we looking at-at Doyle? Of course. Have we uncovered information that concerns us? Yes. REPORTER #2: Such as? LAMB: Such as...a history of mental illness, a history of marital problems. We know that Ed Doyle was prescribed an anti-depression medication and that prescription was never filled. There was also one previous attempt of suicide. REPORTER #2: And there were no drag marks or skid marks at the scene? LAMB: There were not. REPORTER #1: So, just to be clear, you are investigating the possibility that Doyle drove off the cliff to commit suicide? LAMB: We are investigating all possibilities. Lamb ends the conference by walking away as the reporters call out more questions. Goodman looks around at the babbling, unhappy reporters and doesn't look overly impressed with Lamb's abrupt departure. EXT - NHS, PARKING LOT, DAY Veronica approaches the parking lot driving a true vision of automotive excellence. Last seen disabled on the roadside with a bashed-in front end, the black LeBaron has been restored to its original glory and will, for another season, convey our Veronica from stake-out to school, from the Coronado to the Camelot, from the beach back to her bedroom. (Hm, wonder which of us wrote that bit?) A Channel 5 Action News truck is parked outside the school and many small groups of students are speaking to camera or reporters. The LeBaron threads its way through them and through the barbed-wire topped gates to student parking (permit required), waved on by a security guard. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Since the bus crash, reporters have laid siege to the school, all looking for those students who want their name in the paper or face on TV so badly that they're willing to pimp out their memories of our dead classmates to anyone who asks. INT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), GIRLS BATHROOM - DAY. Veronica enters, ignoring the "Please do not flush any objects down the toilet!" sign and the "I *heart* Drina" that someone has written on the wall, going straight to the sink to wash her hands. As she dispenses the soap and looks up in the mirror, she sees a girl, arms folded and dressed in black, leaning against the wall behind her. JESSIE: G'morning. Veronica doesn't waver from her task, but does look uncomfortable. JESSIE: You know who I am, right? VERONICA: [carefully] I do. JESSIE: Just out of curiosity, did you know who I was last week? VERONICA: Nope. JESSIE: Your dad drives one bus off a cliff and your days of being under the radar are over. Veronica rinses her hands and turns to face Jessie. VERONICA: I'm sorry, did you want something? JESSIE: [strained] Yeah, so I need proof that my father didn't kill himself. Um, I have a mother and a little brother and we've become accustomed to having a place to live and, like, food. Insurance companies don't pay if they decide it's suicide. VERONICA: Jessie, I wouldn't even know where to start with that. I mean, how do you prove that someone didn't kill themselves? JESSIE: If I knew, I wouldn't be waiting for Veronica Mars in a bathroom. VERONICA: I'm sorry. I can't. Veronica disposes of her paper towel and hurries away. Jessie, leaning against the sink, watching her go, gives a resigned, sarcastic smile. JESSIE: Great. Because "I'm sorry" is so helpful. As Veronica reaches the door, another girl enters, followed by three friends. She sees Jessie and goes straight in for what she thinks is the kill. SHELBY: [sneeringly] Jessie, you know, if my dad killed a bunch of people I went to school with, I don't know if I'd have the nerve to show my face at school. With hardly a breath, she spins around to face Veronica. Her voice turns nauseously obsequious. SHELBY: Hey, Veronica, are you and Duncan coming to Logan's "Life's Short" party? It's gonna be-- Jessie steps forward, pulls the girl's arm to turn Shelby to face her, and punches her. Shelby's friends twitter. FRIENDS, VARIOUSLY: Argh! Shelby! Are you okay? Shelby's friends attend to her as Veronica jumps forward, holding Jessie's arms. VERONICA: Okay, I'll help you, but you must chill. Veronica looks down at Shelby and back at Jessie. She drops Jessie's arms and gestures "Okay?" with a nod. Opening credits. EXT - CLIFFTOP - DAY. At the site of the bus crash, a man in a loud Hawaiian shirt struggles to light a votive candle at a makeshift memorial. "Never Forget!" is sprayed in large red letters on the buffer in front of which he kneels. Someone has etched "Not Fair" into the buffer and written "Jimmy" under a heart. On top of the buffer is a bunch of flowers and a small plaster or granite cherub. Leaning against it are remembrance cards and a large piece of paper on which is written "Neptunes Angels" in large green letters. Many have signed the paper, some leaving messages like "Rest in Peace" or little drawings, as well as their name. Any reference to who is being mourned here, unless it is Jimmy, is obscured. Veronica bends down to shield the wick so the man in the Hawaiian shirt can light the candle. MAN IN LOUD HAWAIIAN SHIRT: Thanks. As he looks up at her, more remembrance cards are seen and another note written on the buffer. It's too small to be sure, but it could include "PCH" which might suggest this is a memorial to a biker. The man swallows and looks back down at the collection. Veronica stands. As she does, more memorials are seen, more flowers, more candles, balloons, more messages: "RIP," "Why?" "We'll Never..." "...Will...ways...ber" VERONICA VOICEOVER: I don't even know what I'm looking for. Skid marks the sheriff's department missed or purposefully overlooked? The camera pulls back to reveal a number of people milling around the site. One woman is crouched down at the memorial next to the Hawaiian-shirted man, under a large cuddly stuffed dog that has been placed on the buffer. A couple stands between her and the man, looking down at the tributes. VERONICA VOICEOVER: There's nothing here to help Jessie. There's nothing here to help anyone. Jessie stands off to the side, near the LeBaron, arms crossed protectively in front of her. She walks forward as Veronica approaches. MOURNER: Yeah, but I can't believe it still. JESSIE: I guess my dad doesn't...rate a votive candle. VERONICA: This doesn't mean anything. JESSIE: Come on, if you were on that bus, you would want your pile to be the biggest. Jessie says this loudly enough to attract attention. The mourners, including ones beyond the man in the Hawaiian shirt, stare at her in shock. Only the man in the Hawaiian shirt doesn't react, his eyes trained out over the cliff. VERONICA: [gently] Come on, there's nothing here. Veronica leads Jessie away. EXT - BASEBALL FIELD - DAY. A Little Leaguer in an orange-shirted baseball uniform swings at a ball. In the background is the sounds of kids playing ball. The camera moves up to reveal Woody, supervising and talking to Keith. GOODMAN: Neptune: cleaner, safer. That's my entire platform. I'm running for county supervisor because I care about this town, Keith. It's my home. Dakota! DAKOTA: Yeah? GOODMAN: You're stepping in too soon. DAKOTA: Okay, Coach. The Little Leaguers all appear to be white. At the side of the field is another group of boys, not in uniform, of a variety of races. They complain. NON-09ER KID #1: Come on, man, when you gonna get off the field? NON-09ER KID #2: Yeah, it's our turn. NON-09ER KID #3: Man, we up now. NON-09ER KID #4: What's going on, man? NON-09ER KID #5: This is stupid, man. NON-09ER KID #6: It's 11:05. You guys are supposed to be off the field. 09ER KID: Wow, you can tell time! NON-09ER KID #7: You all gotta go! Oblivious, Woody continues to talk to Keith. GOODMAN: You know what the key element to my safer plank is? KEITH: I don't. GOODMAN: Having an effective sheriff in office. Keith, I want you to run for Sheriff. Keith's eyebrows rise skeptically. GOODMAN: I'm prepared to use all my resources to support your candidacy. KEITH: Mr Goodman-- GOODMAN: Woody. KEITH: Woody. Out of curiosity, where did you stand when I was removed from office? GOODMAN: I signed the petition to get rid of you. I'm admitting right now that I was wrong. We had a good thing going with you as sheriff. And there's a whole community, I believe, that realizes that now. Behind him, the kids waiting decide to take matters into their own hands and walk onto the diamond. NON-09ER KID #6: Come on, guys, let's go play. Things deteriorate at the Little Leaguers refuse to give way. Pushing and shoving ensues. Keith notices. KEITH: Hey Woody. The melee is centred on the pitcher's mound and Woody races over there as Keith stands back and watches. GOODMAN: Hey! Break it up. Break it up, come on. Hey! Break it up. Break it up, fellas. Come on now. There's enough daylight for everybody. Woody restores order as the boys crowd around him. GOODMAN: I apologize, boys, I see I let things run over. Sportsmanship! That's what it's all about, isn't it? ONE OF THE BOYS: Yeah GOODMAN: That's what separates us from the animals. That and, uh, opposable thumbs. Alright, boys, clear the field. You guys have a good workout. Cheers. Woody ushers the Little Leaguers off the field. GOODMAN: Come on, hustle it up. You wanna make the big leagues? Keith, you think about what we talked about and maybe get back to me by the end of the week? KEITH: Of course. GOODMAN: Great. Come on, you guys. Let's go, hustle up, hustle, hustle, hustle. Hustle, come on, now. Keith watches them leave with a smile on his face. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica lifts a frying pan from the stove to the counter. She serves Keith what looks to be a cross between scrambled eggs and an omelet. The television is on in the background. VERONICA: I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, that Woody Goodman is what some people might call a shoo-in. KEITH: He is unopposed. VERONICA: So he's basically guaranteeing you a victory? What is there to think about? KEITH: Elections aren't that easy, Veronica. VERONICA: Sure they are. Couple of catchy bumper stickers, your handsome mug plastered on all the benches in Neptune. Done and done. KEITH: Elections dredge up ugliness, and I don't want to subject you to that again. TV REPORTER: Duane Andrews was... VERONICA: You want to protect me? Run for Sheriff. TV REPORTER: ...the last person Ed Doyle spoke with before driving off the Pacific Coast Highway. Keith and Veronica turn their attention to the television, to the extent of getting up from the counter and standing in front of the TV. A clerk in a convenience store is featured. He is wearing a tasteless sweatshirt that has a yellow school bus, topped by a halo and wings, under which is written, "We'll never forget." DUANE: He was kind of a weird duck, I mean, you could tell that right off the bat. Guy comes in, buys a couple of things, pays, goes to leave, then stops, right? Then comes back to the counter, all serious-like, picks up one of these. He picks up an item and holds it up to the camera. DUANE: Okay, you guys see that? It's a St Christopher medal. My man pays for it then throws it out, just like that. TV REPORTER: Neptune's local sheriff's office... Keith shakes his head and puts his arm around his daughter. KEITH: [emotional] I can't imagine where I'd be if you had gotten back on that bus. He kisses the top of her head, both in affection and relief. VERONICA: You'd be sad for a while and then you'd probably turn my room into some sort of sewing nook or yoga studio. KEITH: [seriously] You don't have to make a joke, you know. VERONICA: Sure I do. Veronica pulls herself out of his hold and heads for her room. She slows then swings around. VERONICA: You know, I wonder else the bus driver bought. The couple things the clerk mentioned, well what if it was No-Doz or Red Bull? That would tell us that he's sleepy, right? And if he fell asleep, that would explain why there are no tire marks. KEITH: Veronica, you can't try to make sense out of this. VERONICA: [sadly] I know the bus driver's daughter. I think a little rhyme or reason would probably make a big difference to her. KEITH: [whispering] Yeah. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY. Veronica is at her open locker. Ashley Banks is a couple of lockers along, opening it and talking cheerfully to an 09er friend. ASHLEY: At least everyone we know got off the bus, except Meg. Veronica looks over at her, disbelieving. ASHLEY: [snidely] You think her face will be, you know, normal? Ashley's friend giggles. Veronica, looking upset, closes her locker then grabs the door of Ashley's locker, which Ashley has just opened, slamming it shut and storming past her. ASHLEY: What a bitch! Veronica is clearly pissed off as she walks quickly up the hall and into Duncan. He puts his arm around her and walks with her. DUNCAN: Hey. Been looking for ya. He notices that she seems upset. DUNCAN: What's wrong? Veronica doesn't respond. DUNCAN: [jokingly] You've been listening to Radiohead, haven't you? That's it! I'm putting you on a strict Nelly diet. Veronica comes to a halt and whips round to face him. VERONICA: [angry] And how should I be feeling? Happy? Like you? Duncan looks at her for a moment, then backs away, his hand held up in a "I'm not touching this" way. He turns and hurries away. INT - COOK RESIDENCE - DAY. Terrence Cook, bag in hand, stands at the door to his daughter's room, leaning against the door with a sigh. She is in bed. She looks at him. JACKIE: I think you missed the boat on the watching-me-sleep years. TERRENCE: It's eight o'clock, when do you plan on getting up? JACKIE: The plan was two hours ago; the reality is another forty minutes. TERRENCE: No, no, we're not gonna play this game again, Jackie. You cannot miss another day of school. JACKIE: Even if I have cramps, you know, from my monthly? TERRENCE: Jackie! JACKIE: Wow, that was pretty fatherly, almost sounded like you've been saying my name in exasperation for years. TERRENCE: Alright, how about we try this... He drops his bag and walks further into the room. TERRENCE: ...you can get your ass out of that bed right now, or you can go back to New York, and explain why you're there to your mom. Jackie sits up in bed. JACKIE: So, this is how it's gonna be? Clean your room or you can go back to New York? Get straight As or you can go back to New York? TERRENCE: Yeah, this is how it's gonna be and you can also add, "Speak to your father with the respect he deserves or you will go back to New York" to your list. Jackie salutes him, with attitude. TERRENCE: I'll be back in two days. You can reach me on my cell if you need anything. He holds out car keys. JACKIE: Mmmm, these don't look German. TERRENCE: You're not taking the Porsche. You take the Bronco. He drops the keys on the bed. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Jackie pulls into a parking spot in a Porsche. She gets out, looks at her watch and hurries on. INT - NHS, CLASSROOM - DAY. Wallace is sitting behind Cathy Westcott who is talking to Beth, sitting next to them both. He's finding the chattering about one of the dead students distasteful. CATHY: Cervando was just an exceptional person, you know? I-I guess you never met him because you're new, but you would've loved him. I mean, he was this bad-ass PCH biker and he was on the Honor Roll. BETH: They didn't give him a hard time? CATHY: Well, I guess at first, but then they learned to respect it because that was the kind of person that Cervando was. Wallace crinkles his face in repugnance. That look changes dramatically when Jackie walks into the room. Jackie hands a slip of paper to the teacher, with attitude. The teacher reads it, leaving Jackie standing at the front of the class and Wallace checking her out with something like awe. Jackie notices and smiles. The teacher hands her back the piece of paper. MRS STEWART: You should take this to the attendance office. JACKIE: And where's that? Wallace's hand shoots up. WALLACE: Mmmm! He grins broadly. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY. Wallace escorts Jackie to the administration office. JACKIE: Thanks for taking me. I don't know what I would've done, this school is sooo big. WALLACE: You know, I'm just trying to be a nice guy. JACKIE: How's that working out for ya? WALLACE: I'm getting about three hallways' worth of quality time. I'm gonna say it's going pretty good. JACKIE: Look, I haven't dated a guy in high school since the eighth grade. WALLACE: I'm an old soul. Seriously, these eyes have seen things. Did I mention I'm a nice guy? JACKIE: Ah, "nice," the great panty-dropper. WALLACE: Okay, I'm not that nice. JACKIE: Oh yes you are. WALLACE: How do you know? JACKIE: 'Cause, I haven't tried to make out with you yet. WALLACE: Oh, you're one of those, only like the bad boys. Why do all the hottest girls always have a daddy complex? JACKIE: [annoyed] Daddy complex? Jackie halts just as they get to the door of the administration office. Wallace turns round to check out why they've stopped. WALLACE: What? I was kidding. JACKIE: I met you about three seconds ago and you've already got me analyzed. Get over yourself. She storms past him towards the administration office door. WALLACE: [sincerely] Jackie, I'm sorry. I was kidding. She stops at the door, her back to him and her arm up on the door jamb. She turns her head to look at him and smiles in a mercurial change of temper. She giggle snorts. JACKIE: A "whatever, bitch" and a 180 back to study hall, and we could have had something.. Wallace's face goes from consternation to a smile. INT - CASABLANCAS RESIDENCE - DAY. A naked foot protrudes from the top of a couch. There is panting. The camera rolls along the couch to reveal Logan and Kendall. While the couch blocks the view of the lower half of their bodies, it doesn't hide their movements. They are having s*x, with Logan on top. LOGAN: Afternoon delight? He rises up on fully extended arms above her before descending again and continuing his movements. LOGAN: Whoo, considerably better than fifth-period English. KENDALL: Ah, you need to not remind me you're in high school. There's an ick factor. LOGAN: Is that so? KENDALL: Yeah. School in general, not very hot, unless I'm wearing a naughty schoolgirl uniform. [whispers] Then it's very hot. LOGAN: Mmm, I'm sure it would be for the three seconds you had it on. KENDALL: You know, you're my first younger guy. LOGAN: Oh, it is an honor and a privilege. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Duncan approaches his car and sees Veronica who is waiting for him. VERONICA: I suck. DUNCAN: I was just trying to make you feel better. I'm struggling with all this too. VERONICA: I know. I know. Veronica pulls him into something of a desperate kiss and then hugs him. VERONICA: I just have all these conflicting emotions. Grief, for everyone who died and everyone who lost someone. Guilt, about Meg. The one that kills me, joy, because I'm alive. And by all rights, I shouldn't be. DUNCAN: Veronica, it's not your fault. VERONICA: I'm afraid that line only works in "Good Will Hunting". Duncan laughs, followed by Veronica. Duncan strokes her arm. INT - CASABLANCAS RESIDENCE - DAY. Logan and Kendall have moved to the floor, sitting upright in each other's arms. Logan is kissing her neck. LOGAN: Being with a younger guy must suck. Kendall laughs and Logan returns his attention to her neck. KENDALL: Hold it. Hold it. A car door slams outside. KENDALL: Someone's home. They scramble. The front door opens and Big Dick Casablancas enters, followed by Dick and Cassidy. CASABLANCAS: Never, ever let that country club valet touch the car. It comes back with a scratch every time. Alright? Casablancas moves to the lounge, followed by the boys. KENDALL: Oh my god! Kendall is on the couch, in her robe, painting her toenails. KENDALL: You scared me. CASABLANCAS: Hey. Casablancas leans down to give her a kiss. KENDALL: Hi. CASSIDY: Hey, ah, why is Logan's truck in the driveway? KENDALL: Uh, because there's water in the pool? He's upstairs waiting for you. You know, and I'd really rather your friends not just show up whenever they want. The boys head out to find Logan. Kendall calls after them. KENDALL: I'm not running an orphanage here. She looks up at her husband, who shrugs. Upstairs, in Dick's bedroom, replete with guitar and surfboard, Logan, now completely dressed, is playing a video game. He glances at the boys as they enter, then returns his attention to the game. LOGAN: Dude, why is your step-mom such a bitch? Cassidy walks between Logan and the screen. Logan kicks him out of the way. LOGAN: Hey, get, get out. I mean, seriously, a guy asks for one sandwich. Dick and Cassidy settle on either side of him. Casablancas wanders into the room. CASABLANCAS: Hey, Logan. How's everything going? LOGAN: Really well, thanks for asking, Mr C, and you? CASABLANCAS: Excellent. LOGAN: See, you had to one up me. CASABLANCAS: Listen, don't worry about Mrs Casablancas. You're welcome here anytime. You like to bust chops. I respect that. LOGAN: Hm, thanks. CASABLANCAS: Hey, ah, Dick Junior and I are going over to the firing range tomorrow. Interest you in a little target practice? LOGAN: Oh, as long as I'm not the target. Logan holds out his hands. Casablancas makes a finger gun and shoots, then laughs. Logan's smile fades as Casablancas leaves the room. CASSIDY: Okay, so I guess I'll just stay here and knit something. Logan gives his head a rub, which Cassidy waves off. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Wallace, carrying his sports bag, approaches Jackie, who is leaning against the Porsche looking miserable. WALLACE: Detention and you locked your keys in your Porsche. Bad first day? JACKIE: Someone hit my father's car. The offside rear has been swiped, breaking the light and damaging the bodywork around it. WALLACE: Ahh. JACKIE: And if that isn't bad enough, they left a fake note. Jackie hands Wallace, written on a piece of paper from a narrow notebook. WALLACE: [reading] "People are watching me leave this note. I'm sure it looks like I'm leaving my insurance info. I'm not." That's just mean. JACKIE: This is exactly what my father's expecting. WALLACE: I can help, I mean, if you want. Jackie is skeptical. WALLACE: I can! JACKIE: Like how? WALLACE: I know someone, trust me. Gonna track this scumbag down. Wallace gets his cell out of his bag and starts to dial. INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. Veronica is in Duane Andrews' store and is horrified by the merchandise that has been produced in the wake of the bus tragedy. The logo is as Duane was wearing before: a yellow school bus flying with large wings topped by a halo. There are key chains and buttons and coasters and stickers and mugs and shot glasses and T shirts and caps. Over the radio, in this scene and in all subsequent scenes in the store, the radio is on, playing one song. Music: Magic Bus by the Who. LYRICS: Every day I get in the queue (Too much, Magic Bus) To get on the bus that takes me to you (Too much, Magic Bus) I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile (Too much, Magic Bus) Your house is only another mile (Too much, Magic Bus) Thank you, driver, for getting me here (Too much, Magic Bus) You'll be an inspector, have no fear (Too much, Magic Bus) I don't want to cause no fuss (Too much, Magic Bus) But can I buy your Magic Bus? (Too much, Magic Bus) Nooooooooo! I don't care how much I pay (Too much, Magic Bus) I wanna drive my bus to my baby each day (Too much, Magic Bus) I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it ... (You can't have it!) Threepence and sixpence every day Just to drive to my baby Threepence and sixpence each day 'Cause I drive my baby every way Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus ... I said, now I've got my Magic Bus (Too much, Magic Bus) I said, now I've got my Magic Bus (Too much, Magic Bus) I drive my baby every way (Too much, Magic Bus) Each time I go a different way (Too much, Magic Bus) I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it Every day you'll see the dust (Too much, Magic Bus) As I drive my baby in my Magic Bus (Too much, Magic Bus) Veronica's cell rings. She answers, her voice quivering in anger and distress and revulsion. VERONICA: Hey Wallace. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - CONTINUING. Wallace plays Veronica and tilts his head the way she does when she wants a favour. WALLACE: Whatcha doing? INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Remembering why I'm a misanthrope. They're selling souvenirs, Wallace... EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - CONTINUING. VERONICA: [offscreen]...bus-crash souvenirs. Wallace's face drops as he recognizes how upset she is. WALLACE: You okay? INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Yeah, I'm fine. What did you need? EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - CONTINUING. WALLACE: Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it myself. See you tomorrow, alright? INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Yeah, okay. Veronica switches off the phone. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - CONTINUING. Wallace does the same and looks down at it with concern. JACKIE: So? Wallace turns to face her, changing his expression to a grin. WALLACE: It's all good. I'm on the case. INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Now, how to convince this spotlight-loving bozo that I'm his friend. Please let Ed Doyle's last meal be super-caffeinated, give me something good to tell Jessie. Duane is behind his counter, still wearing his sweat shirt. There is more "We'll Never Forget" merchandise and a sign, "We Do Not Make Change. Don't Even Ask." VERONICA: Hey, you're the guy from the news, right? DUANE: I am, man, did you see that? Check you out. Let me ask you a question, I look fat to you? 'Cause I was watching it on the news and I was like, "Damn, I look fat." Then I read something online says, like, the camera adds ten pounds. I was thinking maybe it was them, but just in case, though, I started a diet regiment this morning. VERONICA: God, that must have been so freaky to be the last one to talk to the bus driver. DUANE: It was weird. VERONICA: Just thinking about him standing here is like...just so cool! I-or maybe you think that's weird, I don't know. I'm kind of into the macabre. DUANE: Yeah, you're one of those freaky s*x and death type kids, aren't you? We've been getting a lot up here lately. Boss tells me to throw them out, but I'm like "No way, man." Goth money spends just as well as, uh...non-Goth money, so. But if we've been getting a lot of Munsters in here, I'd say that you're the Marilyn, hon, 'cause you're...pretty. Veronica simpers coyly. VERONICA: Thanks. Okay, would you think I'm sick if I asked for the last meal the bus driver ate? DUANE: I would, but you wouldn't be the first, you know. You'd be like the ninety-seventh person that asked for it. Veronica's disguise slips a little as her true feelings show at that piece of news. VERONICA: Really? Luckily, Duane is not paying attention as he moves to get her a slushy. DUANE: Yeah. Let me tell you something, if I was gonna do a kamikaze, you know, off a bridge with a bus full of kids and stuff, convenience store would not be the site of my last meal. I'd want to-I'd want to eat something on the brink of extinction, you know? Like the last emu, or meerkat. Veronica throws him an astonished look. (Note: Duane's next line was cut from some broadcasts.) DUANE: I bet they'd go down smooth. It would definitely not be a Monster Glug, right, and a bag of peanuts. A buck ninety-eight, hon. Veronica throws him the money. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Slushy and peanuts? DUANE: Thanks. VERONICA VOICEOVER: That tells me nothing. Veronica notes the "No change" sign and, sitting immediately underneath, a plastic box full of plastic St Christopher medals, on sale for twenty-five cents each. Duane counts out her change. DUANE: Three-oh-two. One, two, three. There you go. She picks up a St Christopher medal. VERONICA: And I can't leave here without one of these. She hands over a dollar bill. DUANE: Mm, St Chris. Hope it helps you. It didn't help him. Veronica clocks the "No change" sign again. Duane gives her the change. DUANE: There you go. VERONICA: Thanks. DUANE: Be careful going around those cliffs. Don't pull a bussie, please. You're too cute to die. Veronica looks down at the change in her hand. VERONICA VOICEOVER: "No change, don't ask," huh? Wait... She looks up and sees the pay phone in the corner. VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...Ed Doyle's saint toss wasn't a sign he was turning his back on God. He just needed change for the phone, so he bought the cheapest thing he could find. But who did he call and why doesn't anyone know about it? End music: Magic Bus by the Who. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica approaches the counter, newspaper in hand. Sacks is on duty but doesn't look up. Veronica stares at him for a moment, then slaps the newspaper and her arms down on the desk, which does get his attention. VERONICA: Either I am getting stealthier or your hearing [whispering] is not what it used to be. SACKS: What do you want, Veronica? VERONICA: I'd like an application. He snorts. SACKS: Right. He goes back to his paperwork. Veronica holds up the newspaper. VERONICA: It says right here you're looking for a part-time receptionist. SACKS: Why aren't you in school? VERONICA: Job hunting on my lunch break. I have excellent time-management skills, I'm also great with people and I have [soothingly] a very soothing phone voice. SACKS: You're serious? VERONICA: As a code three on a one-eighty-seven in a res. dist. Sacks is a little bemused but reaches under the counter for an application form. Veronica smirks and grabs a pen from the counter. Sacks hands her the form which she takes. VERONICA: Is there some place quiet I can fill this out? Cut to Sacks showing her into an empty interrogation room. She sits at the table and makes to start completing the form until Sacks shuts the door, leaving her alone. She goes into her bag and gets her notebook. She grabs the telephone receiver. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Few people have quick access to pay-phone records. On the short list, the police. VERONICA: Hi, this is Deputy Ann Shaughnessy from the Neptune County Sheriff's Department, I need a number and an address for a call placed last Wednesday between 4:15 and 4:30 PM. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. A group of four boys are playing Hacky Sack. Wallace approaches. WALLACE: What's up, man? HACKY SACK PLAYER: What's up? Wallace joins them for a brief round. WALLACE: I always see you guys playing Hacky Sack over here after lunch. Chip? Wallace gives him a pack of Nachos Whiffies. The Hacky Sack player examines it appreciatively. HACKY SACK PLAYER: Sure, nice. WALLACE: Hey, my friend's car got slammed the other day, I was wondering if maybe you saw something. HACKY SACK PLAYER: Yeah, the Porsche? WALLACE: You saw it? HACKY SACK PLAYER: Yeah, man, that was rough. This chick just came out of nowhere, slammed into it. Just pow! WALLACE: Know who it was? HACKY SACK PLAYER: Some blonde chick. She had a nice ass, but I never seen her before. WALLACE: See, but now if that's all you got, I gotta go look at every decent-assed blonde chick in this school. The Hacky Sack player laughs. HACKY SACK PLAYER: Ah, she was driving a green car, if that helps. WALLACE: Thanks. Wallace backs away. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Lamb enters the main area. He is looking sour. He checks his watch. Sacks, pouring himself a cup of coffee, spots him. SACKS: You'll never guess who's in the interrogation room right now filling out an application. Lamb stops and turns to face him, somewhat irritable. He makes a show of thinking hard. LAMB: You're right. I'll never guess. Who? SACKS: Veronica Mars. Lamb's face takes on a panicked and horrified look. LAMB: You left Veronica Mars in there alone? He races to the interrogation room. Sacks watches him go, still bemused. In the interrogation room, Veronica is still on the phone. VERONICA: I got it, thanks. She puts the phone down just as Lamb opens the door. She puts her notebook away as he stares hard at her. LAMB: What are you up to, Veronica? VERONICA: The last question, actually, "Why do you want this position?" Honestly, and really tell me the truth, how much of an ass-kiss would I be if I admit it's to be close to you? Lamb is not amused. He walks around to her side of the table, bends down, grips the chair and pulls it hard out from under her. Veronica rises and walks towards the door. VERONICA: Seriously, why do birds suddenly appear every time you're near? Lamb shakes his head. EXT - NHS, LUNCH AREA - DAY. Spread out over one of the tables are sheets of papers with lists. There are a couple of year books, one of which is open at a page of many photographs of students. Wallace is showing Jackie the fruits of his labours. Behind them, some students are seen wearing the bus tragedy merchandise. WALLACE: So I got the basics from the stoners, right? Used my attendance office connections, don't ask, and I got a parking permit list. Name, bam! Plate number, bam! I got the car make and color of every student's car parked at Neptune High. Weeded out the dudes, and then...wait for it...cross-referenced to the yearbook to eliminate all the non-blondes. And yeah, then there were four. JACKIE: So you've located the bitch. Wallace, who was standing over Jackie, moves round to sit next to her at the table. WALLACE: I'm in the whittling stage right now. It's a process. I checked out two suspects. One's been driving her mom's blue Dodge all week and the other one's car is mint. JACKIE: My father's coming home tomorrow. WALLACE: It'll be fixed by tomorrow. JACKIE: Yeah but when the credit card bill is due I won't be able to pay it and I'll have to go to him. WALLACE: Look, you will have your money by then. I'm telling you, I will find her. I promise. Wallace Fennel is on the case. You know what that means? JACKIE: That Wallace Fennel wants to get in my pants? WALLACE: And? What else? JACKIE: That's all I've got. WALLACE: It's already solved. There's only one girl left on the list. Jackie smiles sweetly at him. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Wallace is running his hand along the bumper of a green car, license 2ITA336. It's a "Yundai" (and this week's missing letter is "H" or is it?). A girl walking with crutches approaches. JANE: What are you doing? Wallace straightens up quickly. WALLACE: Jane! What did you do to yourself? JANE: I, ah, had knee surgery. WALLACE: Oo, ouch. When? JANE: About a month ago. I-I didn't think you knew who I was. WALLACE: What? Are you kidding? JANE: No, I mean we had Spanish together all last semester and you never said two words to me. In English either. Wallace is getting a little uncomfortable that Jane is coming on to him. Behind her, a geeky looking boy carrying books drops them into her car. Jane looks round to see what Wallace is looking at. JANE: Oh, that's Bob. He's my friend. Kind of my chauffeur-friend right now, but, um... She hobbles closer to Wallace. JANE: ...he's just a friend. Wallace laughs self-consciously. INT - DOYLE RESIDENCE - DAY. It's a very small apartment. Jessie hands Veronica an iced tea. JESSIE: Yes, there's sugar in here. We like our iced tea to come from crystals. VERONICA: It's fine, thanks. Jessie starts taking apples out of a paper bag. JESSIE: So, um, my dad calling someone is a good sign then, right? VERONICA: It might be. Do you recognize the name Cotter? The address is from your apartment complex. Did your dad ever hang out with any of the neighbors? JESSIE: No. VERONICA: I went by there earlier, but no one was around. I'll stop by again later. The doorbell rings. Jessie goes to answer. It's Lamb with two deputies. LAMB: Is your mother home? Veronica, looking at pictures on a shelf, whips round. JESSIE: No, she's picking up my little brother from day care. LAMB: I have a search warrant. Veronica sighs. JESSIE: What for? Lamb and the deputies have entered the apartment. Lamb sees Veronica. LAMB: Looking for evidence. Suicide is a crime. Suicide that takes the lives of six others is murder. What are you doing here, Mars? He smiles tightly. VERONICA: Jessie's a friend. Lamb starts looking through the Doyle family mail. Veronica throws a sympathetic look at Jessie. INT - SHOOTING RANGE - DAY. A gun is aimed at a target, a half-body picture of a man. Two shots hit the representation in the head. It's Casablancas shooting and the next three shots hit the middle of the chest. Casablancas smiles, satisfied. In the next booth, Dick, holding the gun on its side, gangsta-style, shoots eight shots off rapidly. They go all over the target, none hitting the chest or head. Cartridges ping as they hit the floor. Dick looks at his gun, as if it is responsible for his poor aim. Logan is in the next booth. LOGAN: Well that'll slow him down. Logan pushes the safety glasses straight, takes single-handed aim and takes two shots which hit the chest area but not the centre. He grips the gun with both hands and takes two more (slight glitch as the target shows three more shots taken). One is in the head, the others in the chest area again. Logan blows the top of the gun. Casablancas comes up behind him. CASABLANCAS: You ever shoot before, son? Logan, jumpy around Casablancas, turns to face him. He pushes back the ear defender from one ear. [SCENE_BREAK] LOGAN: Oh, uh, no. CASABLANCAS: It's a good way to let off some steam, but when you're at the point where you want to shoot someone, you want to take him down, you don't want to wing him. Casablancas points at the target. CASABLANCAS: Heart and head, that's where it counts. LOGAN: Hm, ain't that the truth? CASABLANCAS: You need focus, precision, the ability to only think about the task at hand. When I'm working, my family doesn't exist. Dick grins. CASABLANCAS: Does that sound awful? LOGAN: Mm, no. CASABLANCAS: It's not, because when I'm with my family, work doesn't exist. Casablancas spins the chamber of his revolver. LOGAN: Hmm. I think my father has a similar philosophy. CASABLANCAS: Yeah? LOGAN: Yeah. Of course, he's a murderer, so...yeah. Casablancas thinks about that for a moment, then laughs. CASABLANCAS: Yeah. He pats Logan on the arm and returns to his booth. Dick joins Logan. DICK: Hey. We should have some chicks over tomorrow night. Dad's got this banquet at the Neptune Grand and he's forcing Kendall to go with him. Dick is fiddling with his gun. Logan reaches down and engages the safety. LOGAN: Dude, have you forgotten I live alone. DICK: Yeah, but only psycho chicks want to go out at Casa de Killer. That hurts. Logan disguises it with a laugh but he is deeply affected by it. As Dick walks away, Logan twists back round and without hesitation and in a smooth movement, takes two-handed aim at the target and shoots. It hits the chest, dead-centre. INT - SAC-N-PAC - NIGHT. In the background, a couple of people talk. MALE VOICE: What did she say? Did she say Duper-Duds? FEMALE VOICE: Out back. Veronica joins Wallace, leaning on the counter, reading the Neptune Register. The headline is "Traffic Fatalities Rise Again." Another story is "Lifeguards face dire shortage." VERONICA: I need a job where I get paid to read the personals and drink slushies. WALLACE: Did you see this? It's about Cervando. The Neptune Register is fifty cents. The newspaper is dated September 24, 2005 and the email address is www.neptuneregister.com. The story Wallace is reading is next to the lead story, "Biker with a Brain. Honor roll gang member's passions were billiards and biology. By Diane Ruggiero. Senior Staff Writer. Among the Neptune High School students killed in the recent bus crash was an unlikely honor roll member. Cervando Perez, 17, a long standing member of the local PCH motorcycle gang, is remembered by his classmates as one who defied stereotypes. 'Cervando wept the first time he saw 'Stand and Deliver',' recalls classmate Cathy Westcott. 'It was so sweet. He wanted to be just like Jaime Escalanto. Perez, whose academic...biology and calcu-" VERONICA: If I die unexpectedly, do me a favor. Veronica puts her hand over Wallace's. VERONICA: Go on Oprah and tell the world I loved kittens. Wallace sniggers. VERONICA: [reading] "Cervando wept the first time he saw 'Stand and Deliver'." Where do they even get that stuff? WALLACE: There was this new girl in class just soaking up the drama. She probably couldn't wait to talk to reporters. MALE VOICE: Is that Diane or is that his girlfriend with him? FEMALE VOICE: {}. INT - COTTER APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT. There is a knock. Jeff Cotter opens the door. It's Veronica. COTTER: Yeah? Veronica takes a breath to start but he anticipates her. COTTER: Wait, let me guess, Save Our Beaches, right? VERONICA: Jeff Cotter? COTTER: Yeah. VERONICA: My name is Dawn, Dawn Lamb, assistant to the District Attorney. Did you know Ed Doyle? COTTER: Um, he was the bus driver in that accident, right? VERONICA: Yes. COTTER: I've heard of him, you know, from the news. I-I think he lives around here too. What's this about? VERONICA: Ed Doyle placed a call from a convenience store pay phone to your apartment about fifteen minutes before the bus went over the cliff. Last Wednesday, 4:05 PM? COTTER: Yeah, I was in New York on Wednesday, I just got back this weekend. Hey Carla, sweetheart, come here. Cotter is joined at the door by his wife (who is a cross between Sarah Jessica Parker and Lianne Mars). COTTER: She's saying that-that the bus driver guy, the guy from the accident, he called here last week. CARLA: Who? VERONICA: Ed Doyle. Were you home last week between four and five PM? CARLA: Yes. But I-I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, I did get a wrong number last week, it, uh, might have been Wednesday. Veronica's cell phone starts to ring. She grapples for it and looks to see who it is. VERONICA: Thank you. Sorry to bother you. COTTER: No problem. Cotter shuts the door as Veronica takes the call. VERONICA: Jessie, what's up? JESSIE: [offscreen, upset] You can stop whatever you're doing. VERONICA: Why? INT - DOYLE RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. JESSIE: My...father killed himself. INT - COTTER APARTMENT COMPLEX - CONTINUING. JESSIE: [offscreen] The sheriff found his suicide note... INT - DOYLE RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. JESSIE: ...saved on his computer. INT - COTTER APARTMENT COMPLEX - CONTINUING. Veronica sighs. INT - DOYLE RESIDENCE - DAY. Jessie opens the door to Veronica. VERONICA: I just wanted to check in. RANDI: [offscreen] How can you cry about him? Veronica looks over at the harsh voice, raised to a young boy. RANDI: You think he cared about either one of us? He left us with nothing and-- Jessie races over to the couch on which her brother is cowering and crying. JESSIE: Mom! RANDI: What? Randi looks over at Veronica who drops her head. RANDI: I think we can stop worrying about appearances. Randi snatches up a laundry basket and leaves the room. Jessie comforts Bruno. JESSIE: Hey, you know not to listen to her when she's like this, right? BRUNO: I don't know. JESSIE: Daddy was sick. He was in a lot of pain. BRUNO: Where-where was it? Jessie doesn't know how to respond. JESSIE: It's...h-hard to explain. Veronica swallows. BRUNO: Can I go play outside now? JESSIE: Yeah, just stay in the yard, okay? Bruno leaves and Veronica joins Jessie on the couch. Jessie pulls a folded piece of paper from her pocket. JESSIE: Maybe, uh, he'll feel better when he's older and he can read this. Sheriff was kind enough...to print it out and fax it over. Jessie opens it out and reads. JESSIE: "I'm sorry to leave you this way, but I truly believe in my heart that it's for the best. I can't go on like this. I can't stay just for the kids, even though they mean more to me than anything. This isn't good for them." You know, my mom was right for a change, better off without him. There's a shout from another room. RANDI: Jessie! Jessie exits. Veronica picks up the paper and has a thought. INT - SAC-N-PAC - NIGHT. Wallace is stacking shelves. A middle-aged man, Bernie, approaches. BERNIE: Slow night? Wallace doesn't interrupt his work. WALLACE: Ah, not bad. BERNIE: No? WALLACE: Busy enough to not get bored, slow enough to do my homework. BERNIE: I used to work nights at the store when I was in high school. Wallace stops stacking and gives the man an odd look and nods. BERNIE: Sweet gig. You go to Neptune High? WALLACE: Yeah. BERNIE: Ah, must be rough. Anyone close to you involved in that crash? WALLACE: No. BERNIE: Good. Thank god. Still, you probably knew some of the kids, right? WALLACE: You looking for a story? Bernie smiles and pulls out his notebook. BERNIE: Well, you got something? Wallace looks at the notebook. He reaches forward and grabs it. WALLACE: Can I see this for a minute? The paper is narrower than usual notebooks. He tears off the top sheet and hands it back to Bernie. WALLACE: I've never seen notebooks like this. BERNIE: Reporters all use them. Easy to hold and write at the same time. So, ah, you said you knew some of the kids. WALLACE: No, I didn't. The man gives Wallace a "You got me, kid" look. INT - COTTER APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT. Veronica knocks on the door. Carla answers. VERONICA: One quick question. If Ed Doyle dialed the wrong number, why was it a four minute call? Carla, clearly distressed, searches unsuccessfully for an answer, tears welling in her eyes. VERONICA: [gently] I read his suicide note today. And I have a theory. He wasn't planning on killing himself, or a busload of kids. He was planning on leaving his wife, I'm guessing for you. Carla struggles with her emotions. Music: On Your Porch by the Format. LYRICS: I was on your porch, The smoke sank into my skin So I came inside to be with you. Well my dad was sick And my mom she cared for him Her love, it nursed him back to life. And me I ran, I couldn't even look at him For fear I'd have to say goodbye. And as I start to leave, He grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me What's left to lose, you've done enough And if you fail, well, then you fail but not to us 'Cause these last three years, I know they've been hard, But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun Even if it's alone. I was on your porch, The smoke sank into my skin. Carla loses the battle with her feelings and gestures for Veronica to enter. CARLA: [whispering]Come in. Veronica enters and Carla shuts the door. INT - THE HUT - NIGHT. Carla is sitting at one of the small tables. VERONICA: Carla, this is Jessie. Jessie is pleased to be meeting Carla and stays standing. Carla looks up at her and swallows hard. CARLA: You look just like your picture. JESSIE: That's why they call them "pictures." CARLA: Your-your dad...talked about you all the time. JESSIE: [sarcastically to cover her upset] Yeah, sorry, can't say the same. CARLA: We were in love, your dad and me. Jessie snorts, shakes her head and looks away. CARLA: He called to say that he'd see me later. He didn't mean to drive that bus off a cliff. He-he just couldn't bring himself to leave you and your brother. He didn't want to leave you with your mother. Jessie, who has been looking at anything but Carla since she said they were in love, stares at Carla now. Carla holds her gaze and slowly, Jessie relents. She sits down opposite Carla at the small table. She's cautious and still suspicious, but willing to listen. CARLA: Now, I wish I was...less understanding, because I never really got to be with the man that I loved. Veronica has been observing throughout. VERONICA VOICEOVER: You know the charge that goes up your spine at moment of epiphany? It just hit me. I'm not gonna let the list of things I want to do before I die turn into a list of regrets. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HALLWAY - NIGHT. Duncan opens the door of the Presidential Suite and grins. DUNCAN: You came. Veronica, nearly in tears, runs into his arms and holds him tightly. Duncan is surprised. DUNCAN: Oh, hey. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT. Veronica kisses Duncan urgently. As her desperation mounts, Duncan lifts Veronica and carries her to the bed. He places her down gently, never breaking contact. The camera pulls back to the Mona Lisa pillow at the bottom of the bed, amongst other paraphernalia from Italy - a model Leaning Tower of Pisa, a model of Michelangelo's David, a miniature gondolier. Later, the deed done, Duncan lies on his back in the bed, Veronica's head resting on his chest. He kisses her forehead and they engage in a little role-reversal. DUNCAN: [girlie] What are you thinking? Veronica smiles and glances up at him. VERONICA: [butch] You know, I was trying to remember the over-under on the Ohio State-Texas game. Stroking her arm, Duncan laughs but looks grossed out when Veronica pretends to hock a loogie on his chest. DUNCAN: Oh, god. They laugh. They hear a thump. It's followed by groaning and more, rhythmic, thumping. Veronica lifts her head. VERONICA: What is that? The activities of the occupants in the next room become clear. VERONICA: Ohhh. She cuddles back down onto Duncan's chest. DUNCAN: Mmmmaybe we did it wrong. Veronica gives an embarrassed little laugh. DUNCAN: Uh, so, what's the protocol here? I mean do I bang my fist on the wall? Call the front desk? VERONICA: Attempt to out-moan them? Veronica looks up at Duncan. He laughs but doesn't take the hint. DUNCAN: There's really only one thing to do. Duncan reaches to the side of the bed and picks up a remote. Veronica lays her head back down and smiles indulgently. The TV comes on. DUNCAN: Spectra Vision. Loud. Later, as Duncan sleeps, Veronica, fully dressed, gathers her things and leaves. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HALLWAY - NIGHT. Veronica steps out of the Presidential Suite, still pulling on her boot. As she finishes, she turns at the sound of another door opening. Her face registers her shock. It's Logan. He's leaving the next room, jacket in hand. He sees her, his own shock and hurt clear but only for a second as he recovers quickly. LOGAN: [offscreen, Yoda-style] Hmmm... Veronica drops her head, unable to look at him. LOGAN: [offscreen]...what's different about you? Veronica looks up. Logan walks towards her as he slips on his jacket. LOGAN: Did you cut your hair or something? He stops close to her, leaning back against the wall, bending down and bringing up his foot to tie his shoe laces. Veronica stares at him. LOGAN: Uh, FYI, if the cuddling is the best part, he didn't do it right. Logan smacks his lips in a mock kiss. Veronica is still standing in stunned silence. Logan finishes with his shoes, stands and walks past, casting a hard glance at the door to Duncan's suite. Once he is gone, Veronica can finally move. She pulls out her cell and dials, staring at the door to the room Logan came from, room 1147. OPERATOR: Directory assistance. VERONICA: Neptune Grand on Fifth Street. OPERATOR: One moment. MALE VOICE: Neptune Grand. VERONICA: Room 1147 please. As the phone rings in the room, a shape can be seen through the frosted glass. KENDALL: Hello? Before Veronica can say anything, Duncan's door opens. Shirtless, he looks out into the hallway. DUNCAN: Why didn't you wake me? VERONICA: I have about fifteen minutes 'til my dad activates the homing device in my molar. DUNCAN: Mmmm. They kiss and Veronica leaves. He watches her go. Music: ? by ?. LYRICS: Did you find that you {put it around} my heart Did you find that you're working it out now Did you find that you wasted all my time I don't want no little Miss Kid-Around Can't find, no, nothing like my own Too bad you're little Miss Been-Around Did you find that you {put it around} my heart. When you come around {} it's all the same {} love, but you don't {} Feel disgusted now, it can never be the same But you don't know why. Did you find that you {put it around} my heart Did you find that you're working it out now Did you find that you wasted all my time I don't want no little Miss Kid-Around Can't find, no, nothing like my own Too bad you're little Miss Been-Around Did you find that you {put it around} my heart. INT - CASABLANCAS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Cassidy has fallen asleep in front of the television, a bowl of popcorn in his lap. A surfer surfs on the TV. Casablancas and Kendall enter, back from a function for which they've dressed up. He motions her to be quiet. She smiles as her husband creeps up on his son. He forms his hand into a fist and plays Anthony Perkins from "Psycho," stabbing down while emulating the music from the shower scene. CASABLANCAS: Whee-whee-whee. Cassidy jerks up with such violence that the popcorn bowl goes flying. Casablancas laughs, pleased with himself. Kendall giggles in the background. CASABLANCAS: Gotcha. Cassidy lies back with his hands on his head, still shaking and not at all amused. Casablancas runs up to Kendall and pulls her at the waist, directing her out of the room. Kendall stands firm and he goes out without her. KENDALL: Ohhh, ah, make sure you really clean that up because, uh, if we get bugs, I'm gonna be pissed. Kendall leaves the room, leaving a disgruntled Cassidy to clean up. As he picks the popcorn up from the floor, he reaches for some from under the couch. He feels and picks up something else. It is an empty condom packet - Live Large. He stares at it, then in the direction his father and stepmother left. End music: ? by ?. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Woody comes out into the hallway where Keith is waiting. GOODMAN: Hey, Keith. You're looking for me. KEITH: I am. GOODMAN: Alright, good. Hit me with some good news. Lamb enters from the same door as Woody did. Woody pauses, waiting for him to pass behind them. Lamb gives them a hard, suspicious look before going on his way. KEITH: I appreciate the offer, Woody, but I've decided not to run. GOODMAN: No. KEITH: Good luck with the election and you can count on my vote. GOODMAN: You change your mind, you give me a call. KEITH: I feel pretty good about the decision. GOODMAN: Fair enough. Woody offers his hand and they shake. GOODMAN: You take good care, Keith. KEITH: Always a pleasure. GOODMAN: Alright, man. KEITH: Alright. Keith sets to leave, passing pictures of the old county building that housed the sheriff's department (eg. in the pilot). He pauses to listen to a conversation taking place ahead of him. JESSIE: Just listen to me for two seconds. I've been here for three hours, you can talk to me for one minute. Lamb is getting himself a drink from a dispenser. Jessie's pleading does not divert him. JESSIE: My father did not kill himself. LAMB: We have the note. We have the physical evidence. The case is closed. JESSIE: Open it back up. Keith watches sympathetically. JESSIE: That wasn't a suicide note. Hey, he was leaving my mom for another woman. I have proof. Lamb bangs on the dispenser and gets his drink, ignoring her. JESSIE: Listen to me. You have to give another press conference, okay? Please, I have a little brother. He's eight. He needs to know that my father didn't kill those kids. LAMB: Sorry about your loss. The case is closed. Lamb goes into the main office, leaving Jessie in the hall. Jessie groans and kicks the bench. Keith carries a deep frown. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Wallace and Jackie wait, leaning and sitting respectively on a car. JACKIE: What are we doing? WALLACE: Exercising patience. Just wait for it... Beth, the girl from Wallace's class, gets into a green car. WALLACE: ...wait for it...and go. Beth gets out of the car again, seeking out the note on her windscreen. JACKIE: Wait. She's the one? WALLACE: My plan is unfolding, just-let's just be impressed and watch it play out. Beth looks over at Wallace and Jackie. Wallace waves at her. Jackie slides off the car, ready for a fight. JACKIE: Thanks, but I got it from here. WALLACE: Whoa, whoa. Do you want your dad to hear you got into a catfight the first week of school? Beth approaches Wallace and Jackie. BETH: You have my sparkplugs? WALLACE: You have your insurance information? With ill grace, Beth reaches into her bag and gets out her information, thrusting it at Wallace. WALLACE: Paper bag, back seat. Beth gets the bag from the back seat while Wallace writes down the insurance details. She waits impatiently for him to finish. WALLACE: Thank you. She snatches them back and flounces away. WALLACE: Chances of her knowing how to replace a sparkplug? JACKIE: Chances of me running into her in the girls' locker room and unleashing my own brand of justice? WALLACE: Slim. She doesn't go here. She's a reporter. Think Drew Barrymore in "Never Been Kissed." Hey, if Drew's in it, I seen it. As they watch Beth trying to replace her spark plugs, two security guards approach her and ask her to accompany them. WALLACE: I let Clemmons know we had an imposter on campus. Another thing you should know about me: I like my gratitude in small doses, spread out over time. Jackie holds out her hand for the insurance information. Wallace passes it over. She leans over and kisses him. Veronica can be seen beyond them, pausing. Jackie backs away. JACKIE: I may have to reconsider my stand on nice guys. She turns and heads for her car as Veronica joins Wallace. VERONICA: Umm, who was that kissing you? WALLACE: That was Jackie. VERONICA: Oh. Wallace laughs at the "Jackie O" reference as Veronica gives him a "not her" look. INT- MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith is grating. VERONICA: Hey. How did Woody Goodman take the news? KEITH: Pretty well, actually. VERONICA: Wasn't bummed? KEITH: Nope. VERONICA: Then he's crazy. KEITH: I told him I'm running. VERONICA: Oh my god! Music: Where Is My Mind by the Pixies. Veronica flies at him for a big hug. VERONICA: Oh, that's great. That's great. I feel safer already. Keith looks at her fondly, then examines her face more carefully. VERONICA: What? KEITH: You look different, that's all. Veronica throws a concerned look and embarrassed smile at her father. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, I know my father is a brilliant detective with a keen intuition and a finely-tuned BS detector, but there is no way he can tell that I've had s*x. Right? EXT - BEACH - DAY. Sheriff's department vehicles are pulled up and a number of deputies mill around, some close to the water. Lamb is crouched down by a body. It's the Hawaiian-shirted man whose wick Veronica shielded at the crash site. Lamb checks his pockets and his pants. He looks up at one of the deputies. LAMB: Hey, check this out. With his gloved hands, Lamb opens out the hand of the dead man. Written on his palm, in large black unsmudged letter is "Veronica Mars." End.

Veronica discovers that Meg is the only survivor from the bus crash, but is in a coma. When the bus driver is blamed for the crash, his daughter Jessie asks Veronica to clear his name. Wallace meets the new rich girl Jackie Cook, and tries to impress her. Woody is running for the position of Balboa County Supervisor, more commonly known as the "Mayor of Neptune". He asks Keith to run for Sheriff, and Keith accepts after seeing Sheriff Lamb's investigation of the bus crash case. Kevin Smith guest stars as Duane Anders.

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[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. DESERT - DAY] [EXT. RAINBOW CANYON -- WOODS - DAY] (A fly flies into camera frame. The camera follows the fly.) [FLY POV] (The fly flies, then zooms down into the trees. It burrows into some flesh.) (Resume POV. The camera pulls back out of the flesh and we hear the buzzing of flies and see dozens of beetles on the open chest wound of a dead body.) (Camera pulls back and we see the face of the person has been completely blown off.) [TIME LAPSE] (Fast forward time through multiple nights and days. The flesh of the decomposing body melts away.) (Wild animals stop at the body.) (The flesh of the body rapidly melts away from the bone. Bugs and beetles feast on the flesh.) [EXT. RAINBOW CANYON -- WOODS -- DAY] (Close-up: Grissom picks up a single beetle off the decomposing flesh where the head of the victim used to be. He holds it up and looks at it.) Grissom: Hide beetle. (FAR SHOT of Grissom and David Phillips kneeling next to the body. Multiple officers roam the area, possibly securing the scene.) Grissom: This guy's been here at least two weeks. (Grissom picks up a bullet from out of the decomposing flesh where the head of the victim used to be. He looks at it.) Grissom: Number four buckshot, maybe? David Phillips: Well, his pockets are empty. There's no wallet or any other kind of ID. Grissom: What'd be the point of blowing someone's face off if you're going to leave their driver's license? David Phillips: Well, he's all yours. (David Phillips stands up and leaves. Catherine crosses the crime scene tape on the way to the body. Brass is talking with someone on the side.) David Phillips: Hey, Cath. Catherine: (to David) Hey. (to Grissom) Grissom. (Grissom looks up. Catherine walks over to the body.) Catherine: What's the deal? You're coming to my crime scenes before I get to them now? Grissom: Weren't you on a 4-19 in north town? (Grissom stands up.) Catherine: Guess you missed me. Grissom: I'm just documenting, then I'm leaving. (He snaps a photo of the body. Catherine puts her kit down and gets a look at the body.) Catherine: Oh. Ew. Grissom: Lot of animal activity. Catherine: Well, out here, I guess there's, uh, rodents, coyote, buzzards ... (Grissom snaps more photos as Catherine kneels down next to the body.) Catherine: ... occasional mountain lion. (She picks up the victim's hand and notices his ring.) Catherine: What do we have here? A little ice? (Brass kneels down next to Catherine and looks at the victim's ring.) Brass: The end of Rainbow Canyon. And this must be the pot of gold. Catherine: (reading) Las Vegas ... greenbacks? (Brass reaches over and moves the ring with the tip of his pen to look at the writing on its side: AFFA 12) Brass: American Football Franchise Association. That league folded about twenty years ago. (Catherine looks at the shotgun hole in the victim's chest.) Catherine: Now, that's what I call a rat hole. (Grissom snaps a photo.) Shotgun wounds tend to be separate hits from individual pellets. But only if the shooter's far enough away from the target. This guy was shot at close range. (Quick CGI POV: A shotgun is fired. The bullet exits the barrel. The pellet cluster hits the chest in a single large hole.) (A man grunts.) (The barrel of the rifle flares.) (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: Right between the numbers. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RAINBOW CANYON -- WOODS -- DAY] (Catherine is walking along the crime scene. Nick is standing at the edge near the trees. He's holding a camera and looking perplexed.) Nick: I don't get it. Grissom calls me up, I come out here, and I find you. Things were a hell of a lot simpler when we were all on the same shift. Catherine: You saying you don't like me as your boss? (Catherine snaps a photo.) (Nick doesn't know where this came from.) Nick: Whatever. (He snaps a photo of something. Catherine glances back at him, then goes back to what she found.) Catherine: I got a shot cup. (She holds it up and looks at it.) Doesn't make any sense, 'cause our vic was definitely shot point blank. Nick: Yeah, a shot cup coming out of a shell is like throwing a potato chip. It doesn't really go that far. (She looks at the shot cup.) Catherine: (quietly) Yeah. (She puts it down as she thinks about it.) (Cut to: Nick removes a bullet out from the bark of a tree. He looks at it and puts it in a bindle.) (He looks around.) (Catherine snaps a photo of a mark on a rock.) (Nick kneels down to pick something up from the ground.) Nick: Another casing. (He walks over to Catherine.) That's got to account for at least two more shots. Catherine: Typical pump-action. Holds four in the mag, one in the pipe. (She picks up another shot cup.) Catherine: This was a chase. (Quick flash of: The victim runs through the woods in the night. The killer is behind him and fires. The victim runs. The bullet misses and ricochets off the tree. A second bullet is fired and it ricochets off the rock. The victim continues to run.) (The victim falls. The killer stands over the victim, cocks the rifle and fires.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) (Nick nods.) Catherine: We know where it ended, so ... let's find where it began. (Catherine and Nick look out across the area.) Nick: There's not much out here to do for a couple of guys, other than hike or hunt. Catherine: And the vic wasn't dressed for either. Nick: So they were up to no good. (Nick sees something in the distance.) Is that a trail over there? (They wade through the water and head over to the trail.) (Nick stops at the small dam and sees a hundred dollar bill with the twigs. He chuckles.) Catherine: What you got? Nick: C-note in a Beaver Dam. Catherine: Hang on. (Catherine snaps a photo of it.) (Nick cuts the twigs and takes out the bill. He looks at it.) Catherine: Damn. This beaver's doing nice work. Nick: They should do a commercial for the city. (Nick kneels down and looks inside the hole in the beaver dam. Camera pulls back and we see that there are more bills - lots of fifty dollar bills -- lining the inside of the hole.) (Nick straightens.) Nick: Las Vegas -- where even the beaver can strike it rich. (Catherine gives Nick a look.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. TANGIERS - HALLWAY/ROOM - DAY] (Det. Vartann is looking through his notes when Greg and Grissom walk up to him.) Greg: Please tell me I finally got a hooker roll. Det. Vartann: Sorry. Maybe next time. (They all step inside the hotel room. They stand around the bed where the dead body is.) Det. Vartann: Coroner was just here. Maurice Hudson, 37, lives in Tahoe. (Grissom puts his kit down. Det. Vartann hands him the plastic bag with the victim's wallet and money.) Det. Vartann: $14,000 in cash, and credit cards are accounted for. Greg: That much cash? Guy must have been a gambler. (Grissom looks down at the table and sees a couple of 2005 W-2 forms.) Grissom: Casino W-2's. Looks like we got a winner. (He picks up a name tag.) Grissom: Name tag printed at the Tangiers. Probably a convention. Det. Vartann: I'll check it out. (Det. Vartann leaves.) (Grissom walks up to the bed with the dead body on it. The man is on the right side of the bed. The left side of the bed has a huge sweat stain on it.) Grissom: So tell me about the body. (Greg leans forward and looks at the victim's right side.) Greg: Well, uh, livor mortis is settled, which means the body's been laying in this position for a while. Pronounced petechiae on the chest from lack of oxygen. Guy was struggling to breathe, pressure built up, and it popped the blood vessels. (Grissom remains quiet. He looks at the body, noticing something else.) (Grissom takes out a strand of something purple near the victim's mouth.) Greg: Yeah, I saw that purple fiber. I was going to collect it. I just work on my own rhythm. (Greg takes the fiber and looks around.) I don't see anything purple in the room. (Grissom looks around. He focuses in on the table against the far wall. Greg puts the envelope with the fiber in his pocket.) Grissom: This table's cracked. (Greg looks at Grissom. Grissom kneels down and finds something else on the table.) Grissom: And we have what appears to be ejaculate. (Greg looks around. He sees some stains on the bed sheets.) Greg: Me, too. This guy was a machine. Grissom: And he got around. (Greg shrugs. Grissom stands up.) Grissom: Have Sara process the sheets, and then pull the hotel surveillance. Greg: Got you. We want to see who came ... and went. (Grissom turns around and raises an eyebrow at Greg.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (The sheets are spread out on the table. Sara uses an ALS to examine the sheets.) (She uses a marker to outline the impression on the sheets.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Greg reviews the security video.) (Sara continues to examine the sheet, marking the body fluid stains with a marker.) (Greg continues to review the video footage. He finds the video of the victim stepping into the elevator.) (Sara cuts out the portion of the sheet with the body fluid stains on it. She puts the material in a container and caps it with a label for DNA.) (Greg views video footage of the victim leaving the elevator.) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Sara walks into the lab.) Sara: Any luck? Greg: Hotel gave us copies of the surveillance tapes from the time Hudson checked in. (Sara sits down next to Greg.) Greg: I'm all the way up to last night, and he's always solo. Sara: Until Mia processes the sheet, there's no way to know whether the semen is the result of self-service only. Greg: No way. Soft p0rn couldn't crack that table. Sara: Okay. If he had a partner, that would explain the unusually large sweat stain I found on the sheet. Greg: No cell phone. No calls out. Always alone. Who was he with? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins goes over the body with Grissom.) Robbins: Maurice Hudson is a perplexing subject. Check out his eyes. (Robbins pulls apart the victim's eyelids to show Grissom the eyes.) Grissom: Bulbar hemorrhages. Robbins: (nods and points) And petechial hemorrhages on the chest. Grissom: Asphyxiation. Robbins: Yep. Lividity, dark blue-purple, settled in the posterior area. Grissom: Well, that makes sense. We found him face-up. Robbins: Yeah? So then explain the additional blanching patterns on the chest and thighs. Grissom: Blanching happens when something's pressed against the area, displacing the blood. Robbins: Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but the body wasn't moved. And these two lividity patterns taken together are consistent with him being on his back. Grissom: So there was something on top of him? (Robbins nods.) Grissom: Compression asphyxia? Robbins: It took at least two to three very long minutes to kill him. And whatever was on him remained there until livor set, about eight to ten hours. Grissom: Well, whatever it was was gone when we got there. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (The tech removes the money from the beaver hole relocated to the lab. Catherine instructs the techs) Catherine: I want two people in the room at all times, double counts, every pile. If you don't agree, do it all again. Tech: I know the drill, boss. (Catherine turns and leaves the room. She walks down the hallway.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY -CONTINUOUS] (Catherine walks through the hallway when Warrick finds her.) Warrick: Hey, Cath. (She turns around when Warrick steps out of a lab.) Catherine: Yeah. Warrick: I think I've got an ID off the victim's ring. Catherine: Let's hear it. Warrick: The AFFA. It only lasted a few years, and only one player wore the number 12 for the Greenbacks. He was a wide receiver. Catherine: Okay, what's his name? Warrick: Gabe Miller. Fits the general description. Catherine: All right, well, give it to Brass. We'll follow up. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins goes over the body with Nick. Nick is wearing a face mask.) Robbins: Minimal hemorrhage around the head wounds suggests the heart was destroyed first. Close-to-contact SGW caused extensive pulpification on the heart and bilateral hemothraces. (Nick removes his face mask as he holds out the shot cup.) Robbins: Yeah, and that was embedded in the back of his skull. Not uncommon for a close-range shot. Nick: I think the guy used a sawed-off shotgun. Robbins: How can you tell? Nick: Check out the stria. (Quick zoom to the markings on the shot cup.) Robbins: Hmm? Yeah, what is it? Nick: Impatience. (Quick CGI POV: Someone saws off the barrel of a shotgun.) Nick: (V.O.) Sawing off the barrel of a shotgun is hard work. (Cut to: The person breaks off the end of the barrel.) Nick: (V.O.) Those that do it are usually in a rush in to get it done. It leaves a burr on the edge of the barrel. (The person cocks the rifle.) (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) (Nick holds the shot cup.) Nick: So every time the weapon fired, the burr on the barrel raked the shot cup ... (Quick CGI POV: The gun fires. The shot cup explodes out of the barrel, scraping up against the burr as it exits.) (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Nick: ... before the pellets blasted holes into Mr. Gabe Miller, here. Robbins: That's the vic's name? Nick: Yeah, why? Is it that funny? Robbins: It's the same name as our new councilman from ward seven. Interesting story. The guy played pro football ... Nick: Yeah, wide receiver for the Vegas Greenbacks, right? Robbins: Right. Nick: Well, his team ring was on this guy's finger. Robbins: Yeah, then you mis-ID'd the vic. Gabe Miller's still alive. As much as a politician can be. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. - HALLWAY - DAY] (Brass walks and talks with Gabe Miller down the hallway. He shows Gabe Miller a photo of the AFFA ring.) Brass: So, this is your ring, huh? Gabe Miller: Yeah, that's my old number. Haven't seen that ring in a long time. Brass: Why is that? Gabe Miller: Every cent I earned playing ball went up my nose or on some dog at Las Vegas Downs. I was a real mess until I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. (Brass makes a sound of disbelief. They stop walking.) Gabe Miller: Do you got a problem with that, Captain? Brass: No. No, no. No, I ... no, I'm just listening. Gabe Miller: Well, there's no need to keep talking unless you're gonna speak your mind. Brass: Okay, Councilman. Say you're an alcoholic. One day you decide to give up the bottle. And, more often than not, you're gonna trade in the shot glass for a dozen Krispy Kremes and start pounding them away with both hands. You know what I mean? Gabe Miller: So you think I'm an addictive personality. Only now I'm into God instead of greyhounds? Brass: No. I-I'm really not making any judgments. Gabe Miller: When the Lord cleaned up my life, I promised him I'd always remember the man that I used to be, so I'd never be that man again. I dedicated twenty years of my life to playing football. (He digs into his pocket, takes out his wallet and pulls out a pawn ticket. He hands it to Brass to look at.) (A woman walks up to them.) Gabe Miller: And I pawned my championship ring for a $50 parlay. Woman: Sir, they're ready for you now. Gabe Miller: (to the woman) Okay. Brass: You can file a claim at our office and get the ring back any time you want. Gabe Miller: (shakes his head) I don't need trophies anymore, Captain. Good luck on your case. (Gabe Miller leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [SCOPE VIEW: PURPLE FIBER] (The purple fiber is in focus.) David Hodges: (V.O.) Take a look. [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Sara is looking through the microscope at the purple fiber as Hodges reports to her.) David Hodges: Based on birefringence, your fiber's the product of a bivoltine moth. (Sara looks up.) Sara: You could just say it's silk. David Hodges: (nods) Fine. Acid washed, dyed, tasar silk. Color's unique. Not found in our database or the feds. Sara: That's it? David Hodges: That's it. Sara: It's not like you to get right down to business. David Hodges: Even I have off days, Sara. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. TANGIERS - DAY] (Det. Vartann, Grissom and Greg step onto the escalator going down. Grissom watches as a large woman wearing a pink tee-shirt steps on the opposite going up escalator. Det. Vartann: There's only one convention at the Tangiers this weekend. (The front of the woman's pink tee-shirt reads: IF MY BODY DISGUSTS YOU ... (She sees them looking at her and smiles.) (They all turn to read the back of her tee-shirt: KEEP IT TO YOURSELF Det. Vartann: It's the same name tag as the one we found on the vic's clothes. (They reach the bottom floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TANGIERS - POOLSIDE -- DAY] (There's an APAPSP convention at the Tangiers, "Association to Promote Acceptance of Plus-Sized People." Large men and women party poolside.) (Det. Vartann smiles.) Det. Vartann: A hogs 'n heifers convention. Hudson wasn't fat. What was he doing here? Grissom: Maybe he used to be. Greg: Or maybe he was a chubby chaser. (Grissom looks at Greg. Greg shrugs.) Greg: Hey, some men like curves. Det. Vartann: There's curves, and then there's rolls. (sighs) Look, have tons of fun. I got a murder-suicide to cover. (Det. Vartann turns and leaves.) (Grissom looks around.) Grissom: Something heavy killed our vic. Greg: Heavy object, heavy person. Grissom: Listen, pass this photo around the registration desk. (Grissom hands Greg the DMV photo of Maurice Hudson.) Grissom: Who knows. Maybe he did like big girls. Greg: Where are you going? Grissom: (points) I'm going dancing. (Grissom shows the photo to a woman sitting in a chair.) Grissom: Excuse me. Have you ever seen this man before? (She shakes her head.) (He heads over to two women dancing.) Grissom: Excuse me, ladies. Have you ever seen this man before? (They shake their heads and continue dancing. Grissom moves over to chair dancer #1 who is sitting down and dancing.) Grissom: Excuse me. I'm with the Crime Lab. Have you ever seen this man before? (He shows her the photo.) Chair Dancer #1: (shakes her head) Never seen him before. (Grissom notices her purple undershirt.) Chair Dancer #1: Do you see something you like? (She grabs her breasts and rubs them. Grissom backs away.) Grissom: I'm sorry. I, uh ... I noticed your lovely purple undergarments. Chair Dancer #1: I bought it here at the convention, honey. Grissom: You did? (nods) Thank you. (Grissom walks past her and she slaps his behind. Grissom turns around to look at her.) Chair Dancer #1: (shrugs) Fat girl, gay guy. It's not unheard of. (Without saying a word, Grissom turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TANGIERS - LOBBY OUTSIDE CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY] (Open on the painting. Greg shows the DMV photo to Brenda Morgan, who is sitting behind the registration table Brenda Morgan: Yes, he's been to some of our events. We've exchanged hellos. Greg: Was he here last night? Brenda Morgan: I'm pretty sure I saw him at the mixer. Why? Greg: We're investigating Mr. Hudson's death. Was he with anyone? Brenda Morgan: I didn't notice. But you could check the message board. (She points.) Greg: Message board? Brenda Morgan: When you see somebody you like, you leave them a note. If they respond, you're in luck. If they don't, it's softer than face-to-face rejection. We get that enough as it is. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Nick and Warrick go over the cash taken from the beaver's dam.) Nick: Roughly 25,000 in cash, money bands from five different sports books, some, uh, assorted trash and junk, and these. (Nick hands Warrick two betting stubs from THE ORLEANS. He looks at them.) Warrick: Without the vig, these are both $5,000 bets. Duke minus 17 on a Tuesday, and Louisville plus 23 on a Friday. (The first ticket reads: THE ORLEANS 90802-3EC1-0924 $5,500 Straight Bet 403 DUKE -110 PLB -17 Event Date 02/14/05 Win $5,500 to pay $10,500 Ticket Cost $5,500 00331 MO326 Book 14Feb2005 10:05:58 9D802-3EC1-D654 (The second ticket reads: THE ORLEANS $5,500 Straight Bet 225 LOUIVILLE -110 PLB +23 Event Date 02/18/05 Win $5,500 to pay $10,500 Ticket Cost $5,500 00331 MO326 Book 18Feb2005 08:22:36 9D802-3EC1-D924 ) Nick: They winners or losers? Warrick: You know what? I don't follow college roundball anymore. Most of the good players go pro right out of high school. (Warrick picks up one of the money bands and looks at it.) Warrick: The Mirage, the Stardust, the Golden Nugget, and Sam's Town. It's down the strip, across Fremont, up Boulder Highway. It's a classic runner's route. Nick: Well, if he was placing bets for a bookie, maybe we can find out who it is. (Warrick nods. Brass walks into the lab.) Brass: Hey. Nick: Hey. Brass: So I tracked down the football ring from the pawnshop records. The ring was bought by Kelvin Russell. Get this. Russell worked for the VSL, the Vegas Sports Line. Nick: Yeah, I've heard of them. They set the spread for almost every sports book in Vegas. Brass: Now, if the vic worked for the VSL, he's legally prohibited from sports gambling. I mean, that guy should be nowhere near a betting ticket. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. VEGAS SPORTS LINE -- DAY] (Open on some sports items and a large boxing poster that reads: NOVOTNY VS. WILBUR "CONTEST OF THE YEAR" UNDISPUTED WILTERWEIGHT CHAMPION GORG VS. SAN JOSE CHAMPIONSHIP FIGHTS ALL NIGHT LONG SATURDAY DECEMBER 19 SPECIAL TIME 8PM ET / 5 PM PT LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW {on left} CESAR DABO {on right} ARCHIE ARCHMAN (Cut to: Mitch Urbana stands in front of a whiteboard as he discusses the spread with his team.) Mitch Urbana: Five? A lousy five? This is the best left-handed shooter in the country. Oddsmaker #1: Yeah, you're right, Mitch. Uh, my research has me at six. Mitch Urbana: Six? They'll cover that at halftime. Where are you morons getting your information? Oddsmaker #2: Seven and a half. Mitch Urbana: Seven and a half is a good start. Let me hear. Scotty, come on, beam me up. I want some numbers. (Scott Kerwin takes a seat at the table.) Scott Kerwin: Ten. Mitch Urbana: Good. Okay, we're going ten here. Oddsmaker #1: Mitch, add a hook for me. Mitch Urbana: Uh-huh. A hook. (He adds "1/2" to the "10". He turns around.) Mitch Urbana: That's the game. Call it into the books. (Brass and Warrick walk into the room.) Brass: Hey, Mitch. So I see you're still the man with the plan, huh? Mitch Urbana: Yeah, I am. Brass: I'm here about one of your employees, Kelvin Russell. Mitch Urbana: Then we got the same problem. That kid's been a no-show for two weeks. By the way, if you see him, you let him know he's fired, okay? (Mitch takes a sip from his drink.) Warrick: Oh, I don't think you have to worry about him coming back to work. Brass: He's dead. (This appears to be news for everyone in the room.) Brass: We're gonna need statements from everybody. Who knew him best? Mitch Urbana: That'd be Scotty. Scotty Kerwin. (Scotty looks at Mitch.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [INT. VEGAS SPORTS LINE - ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Warrick talk with Scotty Kerwin.) Brass: All right, Scott, so, uh, you and Kelvin were buds, right? Scott Kerwin: No, not even. I was just the only guy that would talk to him. Brass: Oh, so, he wasn't the favorite? Scott Kerwin: He was cocky. Warrick: Well, there's nothing wrong with a little confidence, especially in your line of work. Scott Kerwin: Yeah, well, I guess the guys didn't think he deserved to be cocky just yet. I mean, Kelvin was new here, and Mitch Urbana's the man. And you know what I mean? His number is the number. (Scott squints and rubs his nose.) Warrick: You taking drugs, Scott? Scott Kerwin: Yeah, it's for my Tourette's. Brass: So, when was the last time you saw Kelvin? Scott Kerwin: Monday. Yeah, it was the morning after the Duke-Louisville game. He-he sort of just came in and left. Brass: What was the big rush? Scott Kerwin: He didn't come in to work. He-he came in to gloat. (Quick flash of: Kelvin Russell walks into the room.) Kelvin Russell: (gloats) Hey, Mitch, you picked Duke minus 15, right? How'd that game turn out? (He looks at Mitch. Mitch doesn't say anything.) (Kelvin laughs.) (He writes on the board: 22.) Kelvin Russell: Just like I called it, old man! Hey, you weren't even close! (End of flash. Resume to present.) Scott Kerwin: Then he left. That was the last time I saw him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TANGIERS - LOBBY OUTSIDE BALLROOM - DAY] (The registration table is busy. Camera cuts to the message board.) Man: Hi. Can I leave this message for Melody? (The man hands her a message and a photo.) Jill Paisley: Sure. (She takes the message form him.) (Greg walks up to the woman in front of the message board.) Greg: Hi. I'm from the Crime Lab. There's potential evidence on this board. I need the messages for Maurice Hudson. Jill Paisley: Crime Lab? (She hands him the stack of messages.) Something happen to him? Greg: Yes. He's dead. Jill Paisley: Oh. A few ladies here are going to be in mourning. He was popular. I don't know why. Guess some people like pigs. Greg: I take it you knew him. Jill Paisley: Well enough to keep my distance. b*st*rd liked doing fat girls, but didn't want to be seen with them. There are some women around here who spend all their time and energy giving pleasure because they think they aren't worthy. Greg: You don't have to be large to have low self-esteem. (She smiles a little.) Greg: Did he check his messages last night? Jill Paisley: Yeah. He and Regina Owens played message tag for a while. I figured they hooked up. Greg: Where can I find her? Jill Paisley: She's a vendor. Intimates. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TANGIERS - LOBBY - DAY] (Grissom wanders through the vendors. He finds the stand with lingerie on it. He walks up and looks at the nightie. Regina Owens walks up to Grissom.) Regina Owens: That's some tickler you got there. Grissom: Excuse me? (She motions to his beard.) Regina Owens: You got everything you need to please a woman. Grissom: Fine. (He looks at her name tag.) Regina, um, can I ask you, is this silk or synthetic? Regina Owens: Oh, that's 100% silk. Grissom: How many sets of these have you sold? Regina Owens: Four pre-orders and another fifteen commissions. I even made a set for myself. (She pulls down the shoulder of the blouse and shows Grissom the purple lace underneath.) Men love purple. Grissom: Do they? Regina Owens: It's Purple Rain. Prince. Sexy. Custom color. You want it for the wife? Grissom: I'm not married. Regina Owens: Girlfriend? Grissom: No. Regina Owens: You want one? Grissom: (smiles) Yes, I do. (She laughs huskily.) Grissom: I'd also like, uh, copies of your customer receipts. (Her smile fades.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE ORLEANS BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. THE ORLEANS - SPORTSBOOK- DAY] (The counter is busy. Camera rises to show the betting board behind the counter.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. THE ORLEANS - SPORTSBOOK - DAY] (Warrick shows the victim's photo to the Sports Book Manager.) Sports Book Manager: Yeah, this is the guy. Time-stamps match what were on the tickets. (Warrick takes the photo and looks at it. The stamp on the photo reads: EAST SPORTSBOOK CAMERA 66 Warrick: Looks like a runner to me. Woman: Got that right. Sports Book Manager: Name's Lou Barnes. Yeah, we were kind of hoping those babies wouldn't show up. Warrick: Why, because they're winners? Sports Book Manager: Oh, yeah. Those little pieces of paper are worth ten-five each. Game hit us hard. Warrick: Yeah, I hear that book's the only place where casinos actually lose money. Sports Book Manager: I worked here a long time, never seen anything like it. Not even ASU-Washington in '93. Warrick: Oh, that's when the players shaved points. Any indication that this game was fixed? Sports Book Manager: Well, Gaming Commission investigated. They didn't think so. I figure we just got caught in a good steam play. Warrick: A lot of one-way action? Sports Book Manager: Minute VSL opened the line. Yeah, it was weird. Those guys are usually right on. I mean, that's what we pay them for. Warrick: The sharp number keeps you guys from getting hit too hard, huh? Sports Book Manager: Not this time. Number went all over the place. Money was rolling in so fast, guys were fighting for position in line. We lost over a million on that game. Warrick: Could I get a printout of the line moves? Sports Book Manager: You got it. [SCENE_BREAK] [VARIOUS FLASHES OF THE SPORTSBOOK MAIN FLOOR] [INT. THE ORLEANS - SPORTSBOOK - DAY] (Catherine walks up to Warrick sitting at a table looking over the printout of the line moves.) Catherine: Hey. Warrick: Hey. (Catherine sits down with her drink.) Catherine: So, uh, Brass got a home address on the runner, Lou Barnes. He's looking into it. What are you still doing here anyway? Warrick: I'm studying the game that our vic got rich on. These are the craziest line moves I've ever seen. Catherine: Line moves? Got to say, the only thing that sports book means to me is guys without showers. (Warrick laughs.) Warrick: That's actually true. Catherine: Yeah, I know. Warrick: Okay, well, let me see if I can break it down. Monday morning, the week of the Duke-Louisville game, VSL sets the line at Duke minus 15. Catherine: So if I were to place a bet on Duke, they would have to win by more than 15 in order for me to win the bet. Warrick: Right. Now according to the Manager of the Book, the moment that number went up, cash came rolling in on Duke. (Quick flash to: Bets are placed at the counter. The line starts at -15, then changes to -17.5, -23, then -25.) Warrick: (V.O.) The professional bettors were all over the number, dispatching runners in every book in town. Now, remember, money moves the line. So, by the middle of the week, the tourists and local suckers caught wind of what the pros were betting, to Duke minus 25. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: Yeah, everybody's throwing money on Duke. Big favorite. Warrick: This is where it gets weird. By Friday, all sorts of cash starts rolling in, but this time on the underdog -- Louisville plus 25. Catherine: Which means that Louisville could lose by 24 and still win the bet. (Warrick nods.) Catherine: So, why would you bet on the underdog if you had already put money on the favorite? Warrick: Well, here's why. (Warrick maps it out on a piece of paper for Catherine.) Our vic had Lou Barnes lay 17 points with Duke, and take 23 with Louisville. And the game ... landed 22. How do you think he did it? Catherine: He got more than 17 and less than . He won both bets. Warrick: All that action created this big "middle," so he was able to win on both sides. I think Kelvin Russell sold VSL's numbers, and got killed for it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass interviews Lou Barnes.) Brass: Lou Barnes. Big money runner. Still living at your mom's house? (Lou Barnes' eyes start to flutter closed and he starts swaying in his seat.) Brass: Hey, buddy, focus. You all right? (Lou Barnes tilts off his chair and falls to the floor with a thud.) Brass: Guess not. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HOSPITAL -- DAY] (Lou Barnes is asleep on the hospital bed. The ER Surgeon is standing next to the bed.) Nick: (o.s.) Okay, Ma'am. What've you got for us? (The ER Surgeon turns around and takes out the plastic bag from her pocket. She hands it to Nick.) ER Nurse: Pulled this out of his calf. Been in there at least a week. (to Brass) The guy was septic. He's lucky to be alive. (The ER Surgeon leaves the room. Nick looks at the bullet.) Nick: Number four buckshot. Barnes was at Rainbow Canyon with Russell. Brass: Russell knows the line's going to move on a big game, and he wants to cash in on it. But he can't go near a book without being reported, so he hires Barnes to place the bets. Nick: They win big, and both wind up on the wrong end of a shotgun. (Quick flash to: A shotgun fires. A man groans. The second man runs as the shooter raises his rifle and fires.) Kelvin Russell: Oh, my God! (The shooter fires. Lou Barnes runs. The shooter follows and fires.) (He cocks the rifle. The money floats to the top of the water. The shooter stops and grabs a handful of money from the water.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Nick: We're looking for a third guy. (Brass turns and walks over to Lou Barnes' bed. Brass: (loudly) Hey, Lou. Lou. (Lou wakes up.) You want to tell us who filled you full of lead? Lou Barnes: I want a lawyer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (Several officers walk through the hallway chuckling and laughing to themselves. In the waiting room, the women from the conference are there.) (Sara walks through the hallway with her kit. She's heading for the waiting room. Officer Metcalf sees her at the doorway.) Officer Metcalf: Walk softly. Don't cause a stampede. (Sara doesn't laugh.) Sara: I am going to remember that you said that, Metcalf, especially after these ladies sue you and the police for discrimination, you genius. Could you clear the halls for me, please? Come on, guys. (Officer Metcalf and the officers leave, chuckling under their breaths.) Sara: Hi, there. I'm Sara Sidle; I'm with the Crime Lab. And I would like to apologize for him. That was really out of line. Jill Paisley: They all were, and so are you, unless you've got a good explanation on why we've been hauled down here. Sara: Well, as you know, this is a homicide investigation. We've recovered evidence consistent with custom-made lingerie that all of you own. Jill Paisley: I'm no lawyer, but that sounds flimsy, even to me. Sara: We also ran DNA on evidence that we found at the crime scene that proves that two women had s*x with the victim prior to his death. I would like to rule you out as suspects, so I'm asking for a voluntary DNA sample. Regina Kern: You think one of us killed Maurice? Blonde Woman: Who's Maurice? Jill Paisley: You know, Maurice Hudson. Big ego, little scab. Sara: If I could just swab the inside of your cheek. Brenda Morgan: The answer is no. Sara: I can easily get a court order with what I've got. Regina Owens: So get one. Let's go. (Instead of leaving, Jill Paisley walks up to Sara.) Regina Owens: Jill? Jill Paisley: I don't want this humiliation made more public than it already is. And I definitely don't want to come back here. So, you do what you want, but this ends for me right here. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - NIGHT] (Sara interviews Brenda Morgan.) Sara: You told us that you didn't really know the victim. Brenda Morgan: I didn't want to get involved. I still don't. Sara: You were in his bed. I'd call that involved. Brenda Morgan: Look ... Maurice wasn't a nice guy, but I slept with him anyway. I could service him all night, and he wouldn't even ride the elevator with me. Sara: I bet that hurt. Enough to kill him? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - NIGHT] (Grissom interviews Regina Owens.) Regina Owens: He was better when I left than when I got there. Grissom: What time was that? Regina Owens: I went to his room around seven. Stayed just long enough to get mine and go. (Quick flashback to: [HOTEL ROOM] Regina laughs. She bumps into the table. She laughs.) Regina Owens: Ooh! Oh! (She and Maurice Hudson kiss. She leans back into the table and it cracks under her. She continues to laugh.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Regina Owens: He knew how to have fun. And that's why we all come to Vegas, isn't it? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - NIGHT] (Brenda continues to talk with Sara.) Brenda Morgan: I'm fat, Ms. Sidle. I am a fat woman. I've tried diet after diet, joined gym after gym, done obesity programs, obsessed about drastic surgery, and I'm still fat. I didn't get my high school crush. I did his homework. Didn't get the one in college, either. He became my "friend." But Maurice left a note in my slot on the message wall. And he made me feel special ... sexy ... wanted. (She cries.) Sara: Did you know about the other woman? Brenda Morgan: When I went up to his room, she was leaving. Sara: And you slept with him anyway? Brenda Morgan: I thought about turning around, but it's not like I've had a lot of chances. It wasn't till afterwards ... that I started to feel ... angry. At myself. For letting him take advantage of me. Sara: Did you argue with him? Was there a fight? Brenda Morgan: No. I waited for him to fall asleep. Then I smothered him with a pillow and held him down until he stopped moving. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. ROAD -- NIGHT] (Warrick walks over toward Brass who waits in the middle of the road. Three officer cars line the road near an abandoned vehicle.) Warrick: Across town on a homicide, you guys call me out here for an abandoned vehicle? Brass: The car was reported stolen last week. The R.O. is Mitch Urbana. It's been picked clean. Warrick: You guys popped the trunk? Brass: Waiting for you; pop it. (The tech opens the trunk.) (Inside the trunk is a small pile of metal shavings. Warrick touches it.) Brass: What do you got? Warrick: Feels like metal. (Quick flash of: Mitch Urbana saws off the barrel of a rifle. The metal shavings fall into the back of his car.) FLASH TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass slides a photo of the car's trunk across the table toward Mitch Urbana.) Brass: The dust in your trunk is high carbon steel mixed with chrome - consistent with a shotgun barrel, like the weapon used to kill Kelvin Russell. (Mitch puts his glasses on to look at the photos. He shakes his head and takes his glasses off.) Mitch Urbana: Look, uh, my car was stolen, and I reported it, okay? End of story. I don't know nothing about no shotgun. Maybe the punk who stole my car must have put it there. Brass: You and Kelvin weren't on the best terms, eh? Mitch Urbana: (shrugs) Oddsmaking's a little art and a little science, you know? Russell was ... he was all mouth. Brass: Hey, he nailed the Duke game. Mitch Urbana: He got lucky. You know, there's about thirty games a day, and ... look, let me try to explain it to you, okay? Inside each game is a number. Once in a while, I'm, I'm a little off. But most of the time, I'm right. I work very hard to be right. I chisel through stacks of statistics, I sweep away all the irrelevancies. I try to get to the bottom -- you know, where the truth is. And yeah, I want to know what the quarterback had to eat that day, and if the point guard's going through a messy divorce. All these things, they come together, and all of a sudden, bang -- a number just jumps out at you. And within an hour, every sports book in Vegas got that number up on their board. My hard work displayed up there in lights. That's what I do. Brass: Let me tell you what I think. Kelvin made you look bad. He made you look stupid. And for a guy who thinks highly of himself, who clearly needs to be right, where there's a tremendous amount of ego involved, that's motivation for murder. Mitch Urbana: Kelvin Russell didn't know what hard work was, okay? He was a loudmouth major pain in the ass. You think I killed him? (Brass raises his eyebrows at him.) Mitch Urbana: Prove it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (Sara and Grissom walk through the hallway.) Sara: Brenda Morgan is claiming that she smothered the victim to death with a pillow. Grissom: He wasn't killed with a pillow. C.O.D. was compressed asphyxia. Sara: She admits guilt, but she's hiding something. Grissom: Maybe she's covering for someone else. Sara: We know that Regina Owens was in the room. She claims she left the victim alive, and Brenda is backing her up. Grissom: Yeah, but she's a liar. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Greg shows the video security footage to Sara.) Greg: Brenda got off the elevator at 7:30. Regina got on. They knew each other, so things must have been uncomfortable. (On the monitor, Brenda leaves the elevator while Regina steps into the elevator. The time stamp reads: 07:24.) Sara: The tape confirms Brenda's account. What time did she leave? Greg: Spent the night. She didn't leave till the next morning. Sara: Doc Robbins ball-parked the victim's death at sometime between 9:00 P.M. And midnight. Greg: That means she slept with a dead guy. She's not only a killer, she's a necrophiliac. That's what I call enjoying your work. (Sara shakes her head.) Sara: Hold on, hold on. Uh, back up the tape, please. (Greg rewinds the tape.) Sara: There. Stop. (Time stamp is 07:23. On the monitor, Brenda puts her hand on the panel to steady herself.) Sara: She's trashed. Maybe she passed out. Greg: How drunk do you have to be to sleep next to a decomposing body? The smell alone's an alarm clock. Sara: Not next to him. On top of him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOUNGE] (Warrick and Catherine watch the basketball game on the wide screen.) Warrick: Who do you like? Catherine: Uh, Charlotte. My mom grew up in North Carolina. Warrick: All right, I'll give you Charlotte plus two. Catherine: What do I get if I win? Warrick: How about a fabulous dinner? Catherine: (smiles) I'll take your action. Warrick: (smiles) All right. (The game continues.) Catherine: So, unless we find our murder weapon, the case against Urbana is circumstantial at best. Warrick: But he's involved. I feel it. Those sports betting types -- they'll lie to their own kids about a game that hasn't been played yet. Catherine: You were a sports betting guy. Warrick: Yeah, and I lied when I was. Announcer: Scott making his move. (The shooter shoots and misses the basket. Charlotte gets the ball.) No good! Charlotte looking for one last shot. (The buzzer blares.) He can't get it - buzzard! (The shooter shoots.) Final score: Hartford 89. Charlotte 88. Catherine: (groans) Oh! (Warrick smiles.) Catherine: My team loses, but I still win that bet. Warrick: Well ... (Warrick's phone rings. He answers it.) Warrick: (nods) Ah. (to phone) Brown. Really? Well, thank you. (He hangs up.) That was the manager of The Sports Book. Says a guy filed a lost ticket claim for the tickets that you found at the beaver dam. Catherine: What's the name? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (On the monitor, a photo of Cesar Dabo appears.) Warrick: Cesar Dabo. No wants or warrants. Address in Lincoln County. That's near Rainbow Canyon. That's where you found the body, isn't it? (The information on the monitor from the LAS VEGAS POLICE IDENTIFICATION RECORD reads: CESAR DABO HGT: 6'3" WGT: 230 LBS EYES: HAZEL HAIR: BROWN RACE: CAUCASIAN ADDRESS: 2974 WESTFALL AVE., LV, NV 89156 OCCUPATION: PROFESSIONAL BOXER 1979-1985 Bouncer: 1985-1992 Bartender: 1992-1999 Handyman: 2000-2004 Catherine: Yeah. (reading) Professional boxer from '79 to '85. After that, he spent a lot of time in Vegas as a bouncer, bartender, handyman. Just another one of those broken down, punch-drunk bums. (Warrick runs Cesar Dabo through Google and finds 15,800 matches. The first four main titles read: Archie Archman versus Cesar Dabo Welterweight Contender Cesar Dabo Cesar Dabo: Welterweight Archer vs. Dabo Warrick: It says Dabo was a welterweight contender. A title match against Archie Archman was his biggest fight. Lost by a split decision. (Warrick scrolls down: Cesar Dabo: Welterweight Contender Title Match Fight: CASER DABO Vs. ARCHIE ARCHMAN Winner By Split Decision: Archie Archman (The three judges listed and their scorecards are for: TAYLOR GREEN, MITCH URBANA, and MAX TIMSON.) Warrick: Check this out. The only judge who called the fight for Dabo was Mitch Urbana. (Quick flash to: [LAS VEGAS SPORTSBOOK] Mitch Urbana is in front of the whiteboard.) (Cut to: The photo of welterweight contender Cesar Dabo.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: Oh. So maybe Urbana hired his former boxing buddy to do his dirty work. Warrick: Dabo takes them out to Rainbow Canyon. Murders Russell, but Barnes gets away. Catherine: Dabo grabs most of the cash, goes back to Russell's body, takes the wallet, ID, takes off his face. Warrick: And Urbana reports his car stolen to cover his ass. Catherine: Let's put out a broadcast. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. DABO APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT] (Officers with guns are positioned outside the apartment building. Brass gives the signal for the officers to head for the apartment building.) Brass: Let's go. (Brass and the officers make their way to the apartment building.) Brass: Go. (Officers are already positioned near the doorway. Brass and a couple of officers rush up the stairs to the second floor.) (An officer batter-rams the door open.) [INT. DABO APARTMENT (#5) - NIGHT] Brass: Las Vegas police. (The door bursts open, startling the man and woman inside snorting coke. Brass and the officers hold their guns on them.) Brass: Cesar Dabo? (Cesar Dabo doesn't move.) Brass: Put your hands on your head. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DABO APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT] (Brass talks with Cesar Dabo whose hands are cuffed behind his back.) Brass: Listen, Cesar, you know, you're looking at a lighter gig if you tell us who paid you to kill Russell. (Dabo sniffs.) Cesar Dabo: Nobody paid me to kill him. Warrick: What about your buddy Mitch Urbana? He called a fight for you back in '79, right? Cesar Dabo: Yeah. I won that fight. Mitch was the only judge that got it right. Brass: But you're willing to do time for that? Cesar Dabo: Mitch said the kid was selling his number. He asked me to follow him, see what was going on. Warrick: So, why were you driving Mitch's car? Cesar Dabo: What, was I supposed to take the bus? My ride's been out all month. Brass: All right, how much you get paid for the hit? Cesar Dabo: It wasn't a hit. I did it on my own. I saw the money that runner was taking out of those books. Making Mitch look bad. He deserved it. (Quick flash of: Lou and Kelvin Russell celebrate as they flash the cash at each other.) (Cut to: Cesar Dabo watches them from the car.) Cesar Dabo: (V.O.) They weren't so happy with a shotgun in their face. (Close-up of Cesar with the rifle.) Cesar Dabo: (V.O.) I drove them out to Rainbow Canyon. (He cocks the rifle and fires.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Cesar Dabo: I took the cash and stuff. I came back here. I called Mitch and told him what went down. I said I'd kill him, too, if he said anything. (Cesar shifts from side-to-side, his eyes are barely open. Brass watches him.) Cesar Dabo: I knew you guys would find me sooner or later. Warrick: Dabo, tell me something. Why didn't you take the kid's ring? That was worth something. (Quick flashback of: Cesar checks out the ring on the kid's hand. He passes it over.) Cesar Dabo: (V.O.) Man, I thought it was a super bowl ring. Freakin' AFFA. That's my luck. (He cocks the rifle and fires.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Camera holds on Cesar.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (Grissom and Sara strap on the harness to the dummy as Greg watches.) Greg: How much does this thing weigh? Grissom: Two hundred and forty pounds at the moment. We'll increase the weight incrementally until you can't move. Greg: Oh, I can't lift that. And if I can't, you can't. This is a safety issue. Sara: Well, that's what the pulley is for, Greg, so relax and lie down on your back. (Greg looks up at the pulley. He gives in and gets on the mattress on the floor.) Greg: You know, this is exactly like a dream I had once, except it wasn't in a garage. And Grissom wasn't watching. (Sara suppresses a smile.) That was a different dream. (Grissom lifts the dummy and places it over Greg. He lets it go.) Sara: How's it feel, Dreamer? Greg: Like 240 pounds of pure woman. Grissom: How's your breathing? (Greg pushes the dummy aside and sits up.) Greg: Limited. Grissom: Okay, add another forty pounds. (Sara winks at him and nods.) (Greg slips out from under the dummy as Sara adds the extra weight.) Sara: Ready. (Grissom lifts the dummy and places it over Greg. He lets it go.) (Greg groans.) Grissom: Well, the position's consistent with the victim. Face up, right arm is pinned. Sara: If we could leave the dummy on long enough, we could actually match the blanching. (Greg squeaks and groans, waving his hands to get their attention.) Greg: Yeah, guys, help. Grissom: Oh. (Grissom lifts the dummy off Greg.) Greg: Oh. Grissom: Two hundred and eighty pounds. Sara: Brenda's just shy of three. (Quick flash of: [HOTEL ROOM] Brenda is on Maurice as he gasps for air.) (End of flash.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Sara interviews Brenda Morgan.) Sara: How long have you had Type II Diabetes? Brenda Morgan: A few years. What difference does that make? Sara: You also have hypertension. Brenda Morgan: Do you always ask questions you already have the answers to? Sara: The night that Maurice Hudson was killed, you'd been drinking. There was enough sweat on the sheets to run a tox panel. Brenda Morgan: I don't drink a lot. Sara: Well, it doesn't take a lot for someone to pass out who's on propranolol and glucophage. (Brenda starts crying.) Sara: (quietly) It was an accident, wasn't it? (Quick flash to: [HOTEL ROOM] Brenda wakes up and kisses Maurice. She brushes the hair from his face and notices that he's dead.) (She sits up.) Brenda Morgan: Wake up. Wake up. (But he's dead.) Brenda Morgan: Wake up. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Brenda Morgan: I just couldn't bear the jokes. Be some comedian's punch line. I would rather admit to murder and go to jail ... than to ever be that. (Sara nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / LOUNGE] (Grissom walks through the hallway and into the lounge where Greg is sitting at the table looking through a magazine.) Greg: I've finally regained feeling in my spine, thanks for asking. Grissom: A little technical reading, Greg? Greg: Yeah, I guess I just wanted to see what the big deal is. Grissom: Attraction is subjective. It can't be analyzed. (Grissom pours himself a cup of coffee.) Greg: Yeah, I consider myself to be pretty open-minded. Find other people's predilections very intriguing. What do you like? What gets your juices flowing? (Grissom thinks about it.) Grissom: Someone who doesn't judge me. (Grissom leaves the room. Greg looks up to watch Grissom walking down the hallway.)

Grissom and his team are looking for a murderer of a man found dead in a hotel room, leading them to a convention for plus-sized people. Catherine and her team investigate the world of sports betting when a man is found dead in the woods.

fd_Teen_Wolf_03x01

fd_Teen_Wolf_03x01_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Scott: You can't just go around turning people into werewolves. Derek: I can if they're willing. Allison: Scott, I'm trying to break up with you. Scott: It's okay, because I know we're gonna be together. Derek: It's their symbol, and it means they're coming. Isaac: Who? Peter: An Alpha pack. And they're not coming. They're already here. Braeden: Quiet. Stay with me. We're almost there. Isaac: My neck. Braeden: From their claws. It's how they share memories. Isaac: But I don't remember anything. Braeden: Also how they steal them. Listen to me, no matter what happens you hold on, okay? You hold on tight. Isaac: I hear something. Someone's coming. Faster! Two of them. No! Braeden: Remember what I said before? Isaac: Hold on? Braeden: Hold on! Isaac: Whoa! Braeden: Isaac? Stay with me! Isaac! Isaac! Get down! I thought I told you to hold on. Tattooist: Boy, it's a good thing you drew me a picture. Stiles:Hey, Scott, sure you don't want something like this? Too soon? Yeah. Stiles: I don't know, man, are you sure about this? I mean, these things are pretty permanent, you know? Scott: I'm not changing my mind. Stiles: Okay, but why two bands? Scott: I just like it. Stiles: But don't you think your first tattoo should have some sort of meaning, you know, or something? Scott: Getting a tattoo means something. Stiles: I don't think that's... Tattooist: he's right, tattooing goes back thousands of years. The tahitian word "tatua" means "to leave a mark." Like a rite of passage. Scott: Yeah, you see? He gets it. Stiles: He's covered in tattoos, Scott, literally. Tattooist: Okay, you ready? You ain't got any problems with needles, do you? Scott: Nope. Stiles: I tend to get a little squeamish though, so... Scott: Oh, man. Stiles: You okay? Scott: Kinda burns. Stiles: Yes, you just had your skin stabbed about 100,000 times with a needle. Scott: Yeah, but I don't think it's supposed to feel like this. Stiles: Oh, God. Scott: No, it's definitely not supposed to feel like this. Oh, I gotta take this thing off. Stiles: No, no, no, no, Scott. Oh, Scott, please stop. Whoa, whoa. Scott: Oh, no, what? No, no, come on. It healed. Stiles: Ah, thank God. I hated it. Sorry. Lydia: It is not a double date. It is a group thing. Allison: Do they know it's a group thing? 'Cause I told you that I'm not ready to get back out there. Lydia: You were in France and didn't do any dating for four months? Allison: Did you? I mean, after... Lydia: Do not say his name. Allison: Is he okay? I mean, did everything work out? Lydia: Well, the doctors looked like total idiots when he turned up alive, but everyone got over it. And yes, Derek taught him the werewolf 101, like how not to randomly kill people during a full moon. Allison: So then you've talked to him? Lydia: Uh, not since he left for London. Allison: You mean since he dad moved him to London. Lydia: Whatever, he left. And seriously, an American werewolf in London? Like, that's not gonna be a disaster. Allison: So you're totally over him? Lydia: Would I be going on a double date if I wasn't? Yes, it is a double date. It's not an orgy. You'll live. Scott: Nah, we agreed to give each other the summer... no texts, no calls. Stiles: So then how do you know she won't be back at school then? Scott: After everything that happened, I'm not sure she's coming back at all. Stiles: I think she is. I'd say pretty definite, you know. Like one hundred percent. Scott: Oh, my God. Oh... Allison: oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't see him, not now. Scott: Can we just drive please, Stiles? Stiles: Scott, it's a red light. Allison: Lydia go! Just go! Lydia: But the light. Stiles: I think we should talk to her, I just think we should say something. Scott: No. No, no, Stiles, come on. Oh, my God, dude, no. Stiles: Hey! You know, they probably didn't see us. Lydia: You all right? Scott: What are you doing? Stiles: I'm driving. Scott: We're right behind them. Stiles: Okay, well, do you see any turns? Scott: I don't want it to look like we're following them. Stiles: Well, what do you want me to do? Scott: I don't know, anything. Allison: Lydia, stop. We need to go back and talk to them. Allison: They stopped too. Why would they stop? Lydia: It's Stiles and Scott. Do you really wanna try applying logic to those two? Allison: Maybe we should go back. Scott: Are you okay? Lydia: It came out of nowhere. Stiles: Are you hurt? Lydia: It ran right into us. Scott: Are you okay? Allison: I'm okay. Lydia: Well, I'm not okay. I am totally freaking out. How the hell does it just run into us? I saw its eyes right before it hit us.n It was like it... it was like it was crazy. Scott: No, it was scared. Actually... Terrified. Melissa: Hey, wait. Wait a minute. I know this one. What happened, Isaac? Isaac: The girl, all right, she's worse, okay? Melissa: Are you not healing? Isaac: I will. Will you just... would you just help her, please? Melissa: Okay, can you take him? Hospital Guy: We gotta move him, Melissa. Melissa: All right, take him. Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Braeden: Find him. I have to find him. Melissa: What are you saying? Braeden: I have to... I have to tell him. Melissa: Who? Braeden: The Alpha. Find the Alpha. Melissa: What do you want with Derek Hale? Braeden: No. Melissa: What? Hospital Guy: Okay, let's get her out of here. Braeden: Not Hale. McCall. Scott McCall. Scott: "Ephemeral." Lasting for a short time. "Transient. Momentary." Ephemeral. Chris: You ready? Allison: Yeah. Chris: You know, you could wait till tomorrow if you want. I know the first day can be tough. Allison: I'm all right. Chris: Yeah? Allison: Yeah. Chris: Or you could wait a week, if that would make things easier. Allison: I promised Lydia that I would drive her, since her car's wrecked. So I should... I should go. Stiles: You know how many vehicle collisions last year involved deer? 247,000. Sheriff: Oh, God, please go to school. Stiles: But that's crossing the road. This one last night came right down the middle. Sheriff: I'm not gonna beg you. Stiles: Okay, good. I'm impervious to your influence anyway. Sheriff: Would you consider a bribe? Stiles: You couldn't meet my price. Sheriff: Extortion? Stiles: You got nothing on me. Sheriff: Yeah. Stiles: Dad, what are you doing? Dad, what are you doing? Sheriff: Aah! Random Guy: Looks good on you. So you think we could go on a real date sometime? Lydia: Hm. Random Guy: Uh, can we have s*x again? Lydia: Mm. Stiles: You wanna ask Derek for help? Why, why? Scott: He's got the triskele tattooed on his back. So there has to be a way to do it without healing, right? Stiles: Okay, yeah, but still, doesn't he have his hands a little full? Principal: Look, these are the applications for the career advisor. I need them sorted. And whatever happened to the library while I was gone, I want it cleared up. And what the hell is this? Stiles: Go, go, go. Lydia: Freshmen. Tons and tons of fresh men. Allison: You mean fresh boys. Lydia, they're 14. Lydia: Eh, some are more mature than others. Allison: You know, it's okay to be single. Focus on yourself for a little while, work on becoming a better person. Lydia: Allison, I love you. So if you need to do that thing where we talk about me and pretend like we're not actually talking about you, it's totally fine. But I don't want a boyfriend. I want a distraction. Allison: Brothers? Lydia: Twins. [SCENE_BREAK] Melissa: Yeah. Yeah, that's healing, visibly. Wow. They can't see this. Nobody can see this. Isaac: All right, cover it up. Melissa: I-I don't think that's gonna matter. I mean, you're scheduled for surgery, which is obviously gonna be very confusing for a lot of people. Isaac: Okay, can you do something? Melissa: Me do something? I'm relatively new to all of this. And there's a sheriff's deputy that's stationed right outside the door. Isaac: Have you tried calling Derek? Melissa: Like, five times. Do you have any other emergency werewolf contacts? Isaac: Yeah. Call Scott. Sheriff: Believe me, sir. I understand. But you have to understand me. Excuse me. Hey, hey, Melissa. Melissa: Hey. Sheriff: C-can you help me out here? Melissa: Yeah. Sheriff: Since the amnesiac in 215 can't tell us anything, I need the girl with the modified military stun gun in 216 to answer a few questions. Melissa: It's kind of unlikely, since she's heavily sedated. Sheriff: Ah, great. Um, well, when she, um... when she un-sedates, will you give me a call? 'Cause she's got about 10 grand worth of property damage to answer for. And I don't want her just walking out of here. Melissa: Okay. Allison: Is someone... no. Scott: No, no, no, no. No, it's all you, all yours. Uh, it's totally vacant. Stiles: "The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds and the tranquil waterway", leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed somber under Jeniffer: "an overcast sky, seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness." This is the last line to the first book we are going to read. It is also the last text you will receive in this class. Phones off, everyone. Melissa: Oh, come on, Scott, come on. Oh, pick up. Kali: Hello, Isaac. Isaac: Hi. Kali: How we feeling? Isaac: Good. Listen, I think I could probably just... what is that? Kali: Just an anesthetic. We don't want you getting in the way again. Count along with me, Isaac. One... two. Three. Jeniffer: Mr. McCall? Uh, I'm sure it's an emergency if your mother needs you to leave school, but I'm gonna give you a warning in the nicest possible way. I am well aware of your attendance record. I don't wanna see you slip back into old habits. Scott: I won't. It's gonna be different this year. Jeniffer: Resolutions are only good if you stick with them, Scott. Scott: I will. I promise it won't be ephemeral. Stiles: Hey, Lydia. What is that? Is that from the accident? Lydia: No. Prada bit me. Stiles: Your dog? Lydia: No, my designer handbag. Yes, my dog. Stiles: Has it ever bitten you before? Lydia: Mm-mm. Stiles: Okay. What if it's, like, the same thing as the deer? You know, like, how animals start acting weird right before an earthquake or something? Lydia: Meaning what? There's gonna be an earthquake? Stiles: Or something. I just... maybe it means something's coming. Something bad. Lydia: It was a deer and a dog. What's that thing you say about threes? Once, twice... Jeniffer: Get down, everyone! Get down, down. Get down! Get down! Scott: Why didn't you tell me before? Melissa: Honestly, I was hoping I didn't have to. Scott: What do you mean? Melissa: Everything that you've been doing... the extra reading, the summer school, saving up for the bike, even though it scares me half to death... honey, I just didn't wanna disrupt a good rhythm. Scott: It's not gonna stop. I-I'm gonna be better this year. A better student, a better son, a better friend, a better everything. I promise. Melissa: Okay. He's in room 215 if he isn't already in surgery. Scott: Thank you. Deucalion: Would you hit the button for the second floor, please? Scott: Yeah. Deucalion: Thank you. Doctor: What the hell is this? Does someone want to explain this to me? Deucalion: You wouldn't mind helping me out for a second, would you? Scott: Um... sure. Doctor: Here's an idea. Why don't you wheel this joker out of here and get somebody that actually needs to be operated on? Now! I'm gonna go smoke. Ennis: Don't you realize what you're dealing with? I'm an Alpha. Derek: So am I. Aren't you supposed to be in school? Stiles: Ms. Blake? You okay? Uh, sorry, just... that. Chris: Next time you're feeling you wanna stay home, you stay home. Allison: I'm okay. But, dad, the deer and now this? Chris: I know, I know. Allison: It can't be a coincidence. Sheriff: Mr. Argent, you wouldn't have any insight into this, would you? Chris: Me? Sheriff: Yeah. All this bizarre animal behavior, it's... you must have seen something like this before, right? Chris: I'm not sure why I would or why you would think I would. Sheriff: I'm sorry. I-I could've sworn I overheard my son talking about how you were an experienced hunter. Chris: Ah, right. Well, not anymore. Sheriff: You all right? Allison: Yeah. Stiles: We got a serious problem at school. Ms. Blake's class... Scott: hey, can you tell me about it later? Stiles: Well, no, pretty sure this qualifies for immediate discussion. Scott: OK then meet me at Derek's Stiles: Derek's house? What the hell are you doing at... Scott: just meet us here, okay? Scott: You don't still live here, do you? Derek: No. The county took it over, but there's something here that I need. It'll help heal a wound from an Alpha. Scott: Yeah, but it did heal. Derek: Not on the inside. Scott: Hey, are you gonna tell me who that was back there? That Alpha. Derek: A rival pack. It's my problem. I know you wanna help, and you did. I owe you one. Now go home. Go back to being a teenager. Scott: Uh, hey, Derek. If you wanna repay back that favor now... There is something you can do for me. Lydia: Is it me or is beacon hills turning into more like beacon for the totally bizarre and supernatural? Braeden: Where's Scott McCall? You're Allison, right? Allison: Yeah, how do you know... Braeden: where's Scott? Allison: He had to leave. He was supposed to be back in class... Braeden: is he coming back? Lydia: Hey, easy with the physicality, sweetheart. Ugh. Well, she bruised me. Allison: Huh. Me too. Chris: Come on, let's get you two girls out of here. School can wait another day. Sweetheart? Hey. You don't have to worry about this anymore. Remember our agreement? We stay in beacon hills, but only if we stay out of this. It's not our problem now. Okay? Sheriff: We've had 15 calls in the past hour. I got a suicidal deer, birds flying through windows, pets behaving aggressively. I gotta tell you, I'm starting to think there's something in the water. Deaton: To be honest, I was gonna give you a call about an incident of my own. At first, I thought I might have had a break-in... some sick individual looking to release a particularly violent impulse. Until I got a closer look and realized what actually happened. They did it to themselves. Derek: Yeah, I see it. It's two bands, right? What does it mean? Scott: I don't know. It's just something I traced with my fingers. Derek: Why is this so important to you? Do you know what the word "tattoo" means? Stiles: To mark something. Scott: Well, that's in tahitian. In samoan, it means "open wound."I knew I wanted to get a tattoo when I turned 18. I always wanted one. I just decided to get it now, to make it kind of a reward. Derek: For what? Scott: For not calling or texting Allison all summer. Even when I really wanted to, even when it was so hard not to sometimes. I was trying to give her the space she wants. Goin' four months later, it still hurts. It still feels like a, uh... Stiles: like an open wound. Scott: Yeah. Derek: The pain's gonna be worse than anything you've ever felt. Stiles: Ah, that's great. Scott: Do it. Stiles: Oh, wow. That's a... that's a lot for me. So I'm gonna take that as my cue. I'm just gonna wait outside. Derek: Nope. You can help hold him down. Stiles: Oh, my God. Derek: Hold him. Scott: Aah! Aah! It worked. Stiles: Well, it looks pretty damn permanent now. Scott: Yeah. I kind of needed something permanent. Everything that's happened to us... everything just changes so fast. Everything's so, uh... Ephemeral. Stiles: Studying for the psats? Scott: Yep. Stiles: Nice. Scott: You painted the door. Why'd you paint the door? Derek: Go home, Scott. Scott: And why only one side? Derek: Scott. Scott: The birds at school and the deer last night... just like the night I got trampled by the deer when I got bit by the Alpha. How many are there? Derek: A pack of 'em. An Alpha pack. Stiles: All of them? How does that even work? Derek: I hear there's some kind of a leader. He's called Deucalion. We know they have Boyd and Erica. Derek: Peter, Isaac, and I have been looking for him for the last four months. Scott: Let's say you find them. How do you deal with an Alpha pack? Derek: With all the help I can get. Isaac: Where is she? Where's the girl? Derek: What girl? Deucalion: Beautiful. But defiant, aren't you? Braeden: Because I know something. I know you're afraid of him. Deucalion: Of a teenage boy? Braeden: Of the man he'll become. Deucalion: I'm aware of a certain potential threat. But then someone once taught me a very smart way to eliminate threat... get someone else to do it for you. Braeden Derek. Lydia: This one, it's perfect. Allison: Mm, I don't know. I'm still thinking maybe a shade of blue. Lydia, look.

Isaac is rescued from the Alpha pack by a mystery girl, but has amnesia about where he has been. Jackson has moved to London . Allison and her father have given up werewolf hunting, and Scott has been working on improving himself over the summer. Derek has been searching for Boyd and Erica, who were captured by the Alpha pack. Something eerie is causing the animals of Beacon Hills to go insane, and Dr. Deaton concludes that the animals are killing themselves intentionally. Derek gives Scott the tattoo he has been wanting to get, and explains about the Alpha pack's leader, Deucalion, who is blind but the strongest and most lethal.

fd_The_Office_07x22

fd_The_Office_07x22_0

Michael: [sitting on the roof of the office building] Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude. Dwight: [walking up] Michael? Michael: Yes? Dwight: I've got a treat for you! Michael: Ahh, thank you. Like a butler. Dwight: Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters. Michael: [Michael takes one and bites] Oh, these do not taste like oysters. Dwight: [angrily] That's because they're Not oysters, they're bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! [Michael spits it out] Hah! Michael: Sick freak! What is wrong with you? Dwight: What is wrong with you? I'm the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn't recommend me?! Michael: I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? [Dwight scoffs] The job was not mine to give. [sighs] Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies. Dwight: Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio? Michael: Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket... Dwight: Great idea. Michael: ...in order to feed the bears. Dwight: Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs! Michael: How do you mean? Dwight: Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? [Michael nods in agreement] You're like a giant walking salami! Michael: Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni? Dwight: Any kind of meat that you can possibly name! Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [with Michael in his office] You're not gonna take all these toys are you? Michael: Hm? DeAngelo: I mean you don't have a job lined up, so it's not like you have a desk to put 'em on. Michael: Well I have interviews. DeAngelo: That's nice. [reaches and a grabs a toy truck] How 'bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might... glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. [Michael gives an obviously fake smile] You okay? Michael: Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure. DeAngelo: You know what? Uh, it's your last couple days, I'm gonna get out of your hair. Michael: Oh you don't, that's- DeAngelo: I will be in the break room. Michael: That sounds good. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: Dead man walking. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Sad? No, no, no. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck. [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: [sees Andy walk into the Men's Room and follows him in] Stay away from Erin! [cornering him in the bathroom] Andy: Hey! Gabe: I'm your boss! Andy: Why don't you, uh, stay away from me? Gabe: No, I'm gonna stand where I want. Okay? You don't wanna get on my bad side! I've seen some horrible things! I own over two hundred horror movies! Andy: Okay! That's so weird! Just go away! Gabe: No! You go away! [storms out, toilet flushes, Jim exits the bathroom] Andy: [weak] Hi Tuna. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So you guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now? [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [in the conference room with Pam, Angela, and Meredith] How about cupcakes? Angela: Please. Pam: What's wrong with cupcakes? Angela: Everything. Michael: [walking in] There they are! Party Planning Committee together again! Pam: Well we all wanted to plan your goodbye party. We thought this would be easier. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We thought. Angela: It's an experiment. Phyllis: The three of us have all been chairmen before. Pam: So this is the dream team. Meredith: [walking up behind the glass] Hey! What are you saying?! Angela: The dream team... and Meredith. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: [to Michael] We decided on the ice cream. Mint chocolate chip, your favorite. Michael: Mmm! Phyllis: Yeah that was a surprise... Michael: You know what, I'm thinking maybe we should get ice cream that everybody'll like. How about vanilla? Let's get vanilla. Pam: [surprised] Okay. Michael: Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright? Pam: Should we get toppings? Michael: What do you like Pam? Pam: [confused] What? Michael: What kind of toppings would you like? Pam: Hot fudge? Michael: Sounds good. Fudge it up! [all seem surprised at Michael's behavior] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [holding up his "World's Best Boss Mug"] I bought this for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. [holds up a Dundie that reads, 'World's Best Boss 2011, Michael G. Scott', throws his mug into the garbage can and places his Dundie at the front of his desk] I still need something to drink out of though. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [pulls out a list of everyone in the office, then puts it back in his jacket] Attention everyone, before I leave tomorrow I would like to reveal a secret I have kept for over twenty years. A secret about Phyllis. Phyllis: Please Michael. Michael: When Phyllis was in high school, she was so... cute. [Phyllis looks relieved] And she still is. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: I thought he knew about the baby I gave away. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [holds up mittens she's knitting] Look Michael, it's a going away present so your hands won't get cold. Michael: Ahh. Phyllis: It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool. Michael: [hesitantly] Sounds great, I just think it's great. Oh, I have gifts as well! [goes into his office and comes out with a bag] And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind. [presents to her a mouth wind-up chattering toy] Phyllis: It's cute. [plays with it] Michael: Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. [gives Stanley a small felt table] May you never lose the fun loving quality in life. Stanley: Where's the rest of it, it's got no balls. Michael: Well, okay... And Andy, Andy who needs confidence that he is a great salesman. I give you, my clients, our ten most important accounts. [other salesmen look outraged] Andy: Wow. Stanley: [angry] Yeah wow! Andy: You know I'm the worst salesman here right? Michael: But you're the best salesman, on the inside. Phyllis: What does that even mean? Michael: You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted. Andy: I'm gonna lose 'em. Michael: You're not gonna lose them. Andy: I promise you that I will. Michael: Just do your best! I have faith in you. Stanley: [as Michael walks away, Stanley whispers angrily to Andy] Gimme those clients! Andy: No. Phyllis: [to Dwight] Do you believe that?! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I've given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing. [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I'm not saying I'm superman, but, let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it. [winks] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Kevin, I have something for you. Kevin: Oh! [Michael unrolls it to reveal it is a caricature of Kevin as a pig eating pizza] Michael: You know who that is? Kevin: Oh... Michael: [rips the poster in half] Don't be a caricature Kevin, never be a caricature. How did that feel when I tore that up? Kevin: Better... Michael: Good, stand up. [Kevin does so] You will be thin. You Won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore. Kevin: But... Michael: You will find love. Kevin: Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now. Michael: Don't be. You should never settle for who you are. [moving on] Oscar, Oscar, Oscar! Oscar, you are- Andy: I just lost Porter Hardware! I just, I lost 'em! Michael: [quietly groans] Okay, you know what? Just do your best buddy! Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And, I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this. [takes a sack tied in the upper middle making a crude head, with a face drawn on, obviously the product of poor craftsmanship, Oscar pretends to like it] Oscar: Thank you Michael. It's beautiful. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [laughing] It looks like a [more laughing] It looks like it was made by a two year old monkey on a farm! He just accepted, accepted that I put all this work into it! [laughs more] He has the lowest opinion of me, of anybody! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Was it just me, or did you think that we were going to have s*x at some point? Angela: It was just you... Michael: How would you have wanted to do it? Okay, okay. You know what? Inappropriate. I am engaged happily, and you have landed yourself a Senator. Oscar: State Senator. Michael: Mmhmm, bravo! Oscar: Brava! Angela: You wanna see some pictures? I just got these. Michael: Sure! Angela: Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading. Michael: Who's that? Who's that guy? [points to second guy in the pictures] Angela: Oh, that's Thomas, Robert's aide. Michael: I guess this could be the one, huh? Angela: Yeah. [Oscar shakes his head no] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [walking into the kitchen, DeAngelo is using the coffee machine to cook chicken covered in melted chocolate] Hey. DeAngelo: [hurriedly, while hiding the chocolate covered chicken] Hey! Andy: I'm going to be dropping out on one of our biggest clients this afternoon and I could use some back up. DeAngelo: Let's rip it up homes. [smacks top of the door frame with his hand, leaving a chocolate hand outline] [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: [Andy walks by with DeAngelo, says quietly after he leaves] Walk away bitch. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [Michael is leaving the accounting area] Oh Michael! Where do you want your last pay check sent? Michael: My last pay check? Oscar: You have an address yet in Colorado? Michael: No. Oscar: What town do Holly's parents live in? Michael: I'm not sure, um, Mountainton? Kevin: Sounds beautiful! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Michael sits alone eating at the back of the kitchen, Pam comes in with Jim, Creed and Kevin] You should do more stuff like that. Kevin: I'm going to! Jim: [to Michael] Hey! It's almost your last day, come sit with us. Michael: Nah, I'm almost done. Jim: You sure? Michael: Yeah. Pam: So I'm going to Carbondale this afternoon to get a new bulk shredder. Kevin: Finally! That old shredder sucked. Pam: It's a good shredder, it just keeps breaking. Kevin: Yeah, it won't shred magazines. Pam: It's not supposed to shred magazines Kevin. Kevin: I know... Jim: Did you break the shredder Kevin? Kevin: No, it's just... that old shredder sucks. [Michael looks tearful] Just get one that'll shred magazines. Pam: I don't think any of them are supposed to shred magazines. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [crying] I can't do this. All the channels are gonna be different there. I'm not gonna be able to find my shows. I'm not going to start improv at level one, and I don't think my credits will transfer. Ugh, and you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote. [picks World's Best Boss mug out of the trashcan and puts it back on his desk] I gotta call her, and I'm going to tell her, that I cannot come. [dials on his phone] Holly: [on phone] Hello there! Michael: Hi. What is the name of our town? Holly: Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay? Michael: No, no. I just needed to hear your voice. Holly: [Yoda voice] Oh you mean this? Michael: [laughing] Yes. [Olive Oyl impression] Yes my hero! Holly: [deep man voice] I'll pay the rent! [Michael laughs] Okay, my mom's looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It's a joke mom! Michael: [laughing] Ohh, I miss you. Holly: Well I'll see you tonight. I'll pick you up outside baggage claim. Michael: Okay. I'll see you tonight. I love you. Holly: I love you too. Michael: [hangs up and composes himself] Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I'm, I'm gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. [looks at the list of members of the office, with some names crossed out] And I have said goodbye to half of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up. Michael: [grimaces and nods, Toby nods back at him] Okay. Toby: [smiling] Okay. Michael: [walks over to Kelly] Kelly! Kelly? Kelly. Kelly: [doing make up and irritated] What?! Michael: If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you? Kelly: Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in Ryan's office, which is illuminated blue] She was once my girl, and she is your girl now. Ryan: Wow. [camera pans over to show that the light is from Michael's St. Pauli Girl Sign, hanging in Ryan's office] Michael: Yeah. Ryan: This is... totally unnecessary. Michael: You're not prone to seizures? Ryan: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [in conference room with the party planning committee] So Michael said we can do whatever we want cake-wise. What do we want? Meredith: [quickly] Erotic. Angela: See? This is what happens. You can't let a stray dog into the house. Phyllis: Hmm, let's hear here out. I would like to hear more about these cakes. [Angela and Pam look uncomfortable] Meredith: I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop. Angela: Good God... Meredith: They make these cakes, they're wild! I mean, they show everything! Pam: I don't, I don't think we sh- Meredith: I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black, they do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guy's fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing. Pam: [stopping her] Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue. Phyllis: As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it feels good to be represented on one. Pam: You know what, I think we should get some other input. Kelly: I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake. Phyllis: Yeah, cupcakes. That's what I said. Angela: No! I'm not cleaning up a bunch of uneaten cupcake bottoms! You know, we don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [sees Pam walking towards the door of the office] Um, Pam. Pam: Oh, hey Michael! I'm just going to go to Carbondale to price some shredders. I'll see you later. Michael: [disappointed] Okay... [Jim is confused] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [walking into the women's bathroom, Gabe storms in after her] Gabe! Gabe: I need to talk to you! Erin: You can't be in here. This is a lady's room! abe: Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here everytime you go if that's what it takes. [Creed walks out of one of the stalls] Erin: Hey Creed. Creed: Not cool man. [walks out] Erin: I really think you should leave. Gabe: Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room. Erin: Can we talk about this later, I have to go. Gabe: Just read the letter under your windshield wiper, it explains everything. Quick one. [leans in for a kiss] Erin: Gabe! Gabe: Okay... [walks out embarrassed] [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [on video cam with his brother] Here's the thing Rory, I knew you guys would hit it off in an odd way. Rory: I can bring him a welcome basket. I'll surprise him. Toby: Do- Well you should give him a little time to settle in. But- Rory: Does he like jams? My shelves are over flowing with preserves. Toby: Well, no. He hates jams. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [walking into Darryl's office] Darryl! Darryl: Hey. Michael: I would like to give you, the only copy, of Somehow I Manage. [hands him a thin black folder] Unfinished. If there's anyone here who can finish it, it's you. Darryl: That's sweet Mike. Let's see here. There's a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum. Michael: Mmmhmmm. It's true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer. Darryl: No. Can't let you do that Mike. Michael: No problem. Worth a try. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in warehouse] Darryl said I could use the bailer because I'm leaving. Warehouse Guy: No. Michael: [picks up a basketball and dribbles it away from the basket] Alright guys, well... see ya later warehouse. Catch you on the flippity flip. [throws the ball behind him and misses the basket, tries and misses several more times] [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [in car with Andy] okay, so what's our approach? You a veteran? Do I have a month to live? You gonna get married tomorrow? What? [Andy stares blankly] Hmm? Andy: I thought we'd just talk about our customer service and exceptional paper quality. DeAngelo: That's stupid. [laughing. Nervously, Andy laughs with him] Andy: [joking] What do I know? DeAngelo: [still laughing] What do you know? We gotta get psyched up! Okay? Guy? Let's get psyched! Is there an animal shelter on the way? Andy: [confused] Yeah. DeAngelo: Awesome! Ani Ani Shelto! Here we come. Do you know how to high-five? Andy: Yeah! DeAngelo: 'Cause if you do now's the time. Andy: [going for it] Alright. DeAngelo: Not while I'm driving. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [still trying the backwards basket] Catch you guys- [forklift drives in front of the camera] Catch you guys on the filippity flip. [misses and picks it up again] Flippity flip! [misses again and grabs it back] Flippity flip! [makes it in, gets excited] Really? [composes himself] Okay, see ya guys! [walks away, containing his self-pleasure] [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [at the animal shelter with Andy] You know how I met Jo Bennett? And got started on my ladder of success? Andy: No. I don't. DeAngelo: [hands Andy a dog] I'm walking along, out of work. Again. Thinking to myself, 'I only have enough cash to by a sandwich, or get drunk. And I see this guy trying to steal this lady's dog! So I grab the dog. He runs off. She's so grateful, she hires me. Andy: Awwhh, wow. DeAngelo: Gimme that dog! That's not your dog! [takes the dog from a confused Andy] Yeah! Again. Andy: Oh, okay... DeAngelo: Gimme that damn dog you f***ing thief! Don't ever do It again! [Andy nods modestly] You hear me?! [Andy nods again] You feel that energy? Andy: Mmhmmm. DeAgnelo: Wooo! Yeah! [parades in circles with the dog, pretends to whack Andy with it] [giving it to Andy] Okay, again. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I know that Gabe is young, and hot and everything. And he's begging me to reconsider, but I... I just think I'm in love with someone else. Michael: Kevin? Erin: Andy. Michael: Ahhhh... Erin: I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose. Michael: Maybe neither. Erin: I'm not attracted to Kevin. Michael: Erin, listen to me. You shouldn't rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. [Erin is smiling] And when the right guy comes along, you'll know it. You will. [kisses her head] And you know what? You don't need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime. Erin: [nods] Extension 147. Michael: N- Erin: I know. Michael: Okay. [both chuckling. Michael leaves Erin, looking thoughtful] [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [on the phone] You want the 27-26 or the 27-30? Michael: Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done? Phyllis: No. [trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone] I'm on a sale! Michael: Listen to me. It's two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind. Phyllis: Okay... [Jim gives a knowing look to the camera] Michael: Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. [pulls out an envelope from his jacket] Dwight: Yes. Michael: So I wanted to give you that. [hands him the envelope] It's a letter of recommendation. [Dwight looks eager. Michael nods to him and walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: This is gonna be good. [eagerly reading the letter] To whom it may concern. [off to the side] Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. [reading again] The dictionary defines superlative as[/b]: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. [to the side again] That's great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I'd buy a dictionary. [reading again, slowly gets sadder] I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. [holding back tears] Lot's more like that, really repetitive. What's this? [pulling out a small card from the envelope. Reads it] Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. [checks his watch quickly] Ohhh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [opening his trunk excitedly and gets out his paintball gear, takes his gun and looks for Michael, gives up, Michael jumps out of the dumpster shooting, they shoot each other, yell, laugh, and taunt, having a great time] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the office, crosses Dwight off his list. He has paint in his messed up hair, and is containing his laughter] [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [giving his and Andy's pitch to a client] I would just like to start off saying, I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard for very long, I can say, is that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you he's gonna be a success. I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. [Andy looks awkward] But I can say this[/b]: He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say[/b]: go big, or go home. You go with This guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life, OR, the biggest, Good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it, for the agreed upon price, [Andy looks hopeful] Andy's not your guy. [Andy deflates] You ever play Russian Roulette? [scoffs] Time to spin the chamber horse. By signing up for another year. [hands the client a folder he needs signed for another year's contract] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Michael walks into the office, still a mess] Ahh, what happened to you? Michael: You should see the other guy. Dwight: [smiles knowingly] Michael: [looks at the clock to see it is three o'clock] Jim where is Pam? Jim: Uhh, she's still pricing the whatevers. The shredders. Michael: But it is already three o'clock! [Michael leaves, Jim gives a knowing look to the camera] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [walks into a movie theater showing The King's Speech] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in his office talking to Creed, Gabe, and Meredith in that order] Whether you're scared of dying, or dying Alone, or dying drunk in a ditch. Don't be. It's going to be okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yeah I was tripling up. There's not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Gabe is still standing in front of Michael's desk] And you, why are you still here. Gabe: [sounding hurt] I'm either going to quit today, or stay to make sure that Andy's career is destroyed. Michael: No, you are not going to quit today. For goodness sake, this is not going to be your last day in the office. Everybody gets dumped Gabe. Can I give you a piece of advice? [Gabe nods] A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, and make you look less like a transvestite. [Gabe looks awkward and Michael winks] [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [walking out the client's room with Andy] That is cold sir! Absolutely cold. You know what? It was a complete waste of my time. Andy: Uh DeAngelo, I'm, uh. I forgot my bag, so I'll meet you in the car. DeAngelo: [grumbles] Okay whatever. Andy: [walks into the client's office again] Sir, I'd just like to apologize, for that. I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he's crazy, but the truth is I think he's just a terrible salesman. And I want you to know, that if you re-up with us, anything you need, day or night, I will be the one to take your call. Client: Keep talking. [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [on his phone waiting for Andy, next to their car] Yes. Okay, alright. No, well thank you! Alright, take care. [hangs up] You'll never guess, we did it! Andy: [laughing] Hey! [they hug] Good job boss! DeAngelo: We did it! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [standing in front of his office, sees that it is three forty five] Okay, everybody come on. Conference room five seconds! Let's go! Hurry up, let's do this! [Dwight runs into the conference room. All others follow] [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Yes, what is this about? Michael: What is this meeting about? Stanley: Mmhmmm. Michael: Okay, here we are in the conference room. Once again. And I just wanted to call you all here, together, because I have something important. Well there's two things actually. Okay first, I would like a whereabouts on Pam. [Jim looks regretful] And secondly, Phyllis how are those mittens coming? Because I would actually like to bring them home and pack them. I'm leaving for the day at four. Phyllis: They're almost done but my knuckles are swelling a little and- Michael: [cutting her off] Well power through the arthritis Phyllis you can do it! Stanley: Is that it? Michael: Umm, hmm? Stanley: Is that it? Michael: [the office looks up expectantly] Ummm... Hm... No. [changing his mind] No. There's a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he's coming right in. [walks out and then back in, now using a Vietnamese accent] Oh hi everybody, it's Ping! [the office groans] And I'm here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You've been so wonderful! [only Kevin is laughing. Stanley tries to leave. Michael hugs him] I ruv you all! I ruv you very much! Jim: Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Michael: Sure. [Ping accent] Be right out! Jim: [brings Michael into his office] So I've been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day. Michael: [sad] Ohh... Jim: What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me? Michael: [holding back tears] Okay... Jim: You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right? Michael: Maybe. Jim: Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good. Michael: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing? Jim: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch. Michael: [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. [starts to cry] You started with this company, as a fine young man... Jim: You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch. Michael: Oh, okay. Jim: And then tomorrow, I can tell you... what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. [Jim is holding back tears too] Michael: [hears a taxi honking] Oh shoot! That's my cab. Jim: Alright. Michael: Alright. Jim: Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but... Michael: I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright? Jim: [shakes Michael's hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch. Michael: I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am. Jim: [chuckles] You got it. Michael: Okay... [crosses Jim off his list] Phyllis. Phyllis: Oh no, they're still not done. Michael: No no no, let me see. [picks up the mostly knitted mittens] Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em. [waves goodbye to her with the mittens] [Michael begins walking out the office, he takes one last look at all his friends to see them working, and Jim looking back, teary eyed] Creed: [drinking from Michael's World's Best Boss mug] See ya tomorrow boss! Michael: Later guys. [leaves the office] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Got almost everybody. So... Holly's my family now. [you see video of Michael getting into the cab, and driving off. As the cab leaves, Pam drives in] She's my family. The babies that I make with her, will be my children. The people that you work with, are just... when you get down to it... your very best friends. They say, on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Gotta be a lot better than a deathbed. [You see Michael getting out and entering the airport, and going through security] I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [putting his shoes back on, talking to the camera crew] Well, I guess this is it. Hey will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. Alright... Oh! [pulls out his mic from his shirt] This is gonna feel so good, getting this thing off my chest. [he hands them the body mic, when he speaks it is inaudible now] That's what she said! [waves goodbye and walks off to his gate, halfway there Pam comes running up to him and they hug for a while. They say their goodbyes to each other, and Michael walks off for good] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [watching Michael's plane take off. Crying and has smeared make up on] No he wasn't sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award's member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly. [SCENE_BREAK] DeAngelo: [all are in the conference room for Michael's party. Michael isn't there. Jim gives the camera a knowing look] Well if he's not gonna make it at least we should go ahead and eat the cake. [Kevin nods] I for one love the corners. [cuts a corner piece, picks it up with his bare hands, and takes a bite] Why'd I just do that? It's not even that good. I don't even want it. I had cake for lunch. [throws the piece in the garbage] No, you know what? I've been good. I deserve this. [grabs a piece from another corner. The office groans] What am I doing? [chucks it into the trashcan] Come on DeAngelo! [DeAngelo tries to lick the cake, everybody yells no] Dwight: [to Jim] Uh oh... [Jim, tearful, nods]

Michael prepares to leave for Colorado with Holly, and spends his last day in the office saying goodbye to everyone individually, wanting no drama to ensue. Meanwhile, new manager Deangelo and Andy try to keep Michael's biggest clients.

fd_The_O.C._02x15

fd_The_O.C._02x15_0

Opening scene - The first thing we see is the pool house, it's dark. near the door we can see someones shadow and we hear a few knocks. Seth opens the doors himself Seth: Ryan (looks over and sees Ryan still in bed, covered by the covers) ugh buddy come on (opens the blinds letting light in) look I know your bummed that Lindsay left but you can t live like this alright Seth pulls Ryan s quilt down from the end, Ryan grabs it up the top and doesn t look impressed) Seth: hey, do you remember when Summer was leaving for Italy with Zach you refused (points) ta let me stay bed ridden an depressed Ryan: (sits up on his elbows) no I didn t (sighs) I gave you your space to do what you have to do Seth: true but right now (sits) what I have'ta do is help you so...what can I do, level with me (rubs his hands together) ask an it shall be yours Ryan: (lifts his head) fine, you leaving right now (puts it back down) Seth: ok, anything but that...hey, what about Captain Oats, I ve seen the way you look at him, you say the word an your pool house is his manger Ryan: (getting fed up) Seth (sits up) Seth: speaking of which are you getting like a little bit sick of the pool house because we can actually switch rooms, you can have mine we jus thought you'd like the privacy Ryan: I do like the privacy, I would like some right now actually Seth: what about a nice private booth at our favourite diner huh, cup'a coffee, short stack a little syrup side'a bacon Ryan: (softly) Seth I mean it (closes his eyes) Seth: extra crispy like the man likes it, maybe those nice little sausage patties Ryan: (means it) Seth shut up (Seth looks at Ryan, shocked) Ryan: please (Seth looks hurt) this thing with Lindsay is...different Seth: different how Ryan: different as in...not fixed by pancakes (Seth goes to speak) an don t ask me how I feel about waffles Seth: (softly) got it Ryan: ...I don t mean to take this out on you Seth: no its fine, that s what I m here for Ryan: I jus...(hits his pillow) had alotta people in my life who just left...I thought those days were gone but I...guess they aren t Seth nods, Ryan lies back down) Seth: ok...alright well I m jus gonna (stands) leave (realises) not...leave but you know what I m sayin (goes to the door) uh I could give you something to go (shakes his head) its stupid, ok Theme song - California by Phantom planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten walks in and Sandy is already in there Kirsten: hey honey Sandy: (smiles) hey Kirsten goes to the cupboard and gets herself out a coffee cup, Sandy already has one. Kirsten pours coffee into her cup and puts the pot back. Kirsten realises what she did) Kirsten: oh, right coffee (pours it into Sandy s cup) Sandy: thanks Sandy pulls his cup away but Kirsten keeps pouring, coffee goes over the bench) at the same time: Kirsten: ooo Sandy: oh Sandy: hey I thought you were I m (frowns) err Kirsten: oh no I m s- no no no no, it s my fault let me Sandy: no no no its mine Kirsten: let me Sandy and Kirsten both to grab a cloth and knock into each other. the toast pops) Sandy: (whipsers) everything s gonna be fine Kirsten: well if we just (shrugs) act like nothing happened then it'll just be as if Sandy: nothing happened Kirsten looks away, Sandy looks at Kirsten then notices something) Sandy: where s your ring (Kirsten looks at him) two carats platinum setting, lives on your left hand second finger Kirsten: (looks at her naked finger) I...can t find it Sandy: you never take that ring off Kirsten: that s not true, sometimes when I m washing the dishes or gardening I-I leave it by the sink Sandy: I bet it fell in, I bet it s stuck in the drain Kirsten: ill call the plumber tomorrow (walks over to Sandy) I'm-I'm sure it s not lost (smiles and kisses Sandy on the cheek) CUT TO: The diner - Summer is sitting at a booth with a postcard from Italy in her hand, Seth comes in. when Summer sees him she puts the postcard in her bag Seth: (sits) hey Summer: hey (they kiss) Seth: wait a sec (puts up a finger) Summer: but I ve ben waiting Seth: yeah I know, I m afraid we have a man down though this thing with Lindsay...has just really kicked Ryan s ass Summer: which is why it s a good thing we're like the marines Seth: (frowns) how're we like the marines Summer: we leave no man behind! (Seth nods) look Lindsay may of turned her back on Ryan but we wont, no (shakes her head) you 'have got to cheer him up, semprefy (nods) Seth: oh semprefy Summer: yeah Seth: that s so cute (they almost kiss) Summer: wait, that has'ta wait, plans an action, I m gonna ask Marissa to the mall later maybe you guys could come to Seth: (sarcastic) the mall, that would cheer him up for sure Summer: well Seth: alright you know what, fine I will ask him to the mall (points) you know what Summer: hm Seth: now that you an I are back together an Lindsay s outta the picture Summer: yeah Seth: who knows maybe Marissa an Ryan might get it together Summer: are you crazy, they were like the worst couple ever Seth: I c- Summer: an besides Marissa s happy now Seth: ok an by happy you mean-you mean gay Summer: (fake laughs) that s funny CUT TO: Alex and Marissa s apartment - Marissa tips their laundry over the couch. it s all pink except for a very red shirt. Alex walks in and sees Alex: ...our clothes are all pink Marissa: uh pink is the new black, I read it in W Alex looks at Marissa, shocked) Marissa: well I mean (picks up the red top) separating your whites, who knew Alex: everyone who's ever had to do their own laundry Marissa: look I m sorry, we'll get new stuff Alex: with what have you found an after school job Marissa: I m working on it Alex looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at Alex) Alex: (softer tone) well lucky for you I look really good in pink (smiles) Marissa: maybe today we could do something fun, it s the weekend (puts her hand on Alex s shoulder) maybe we could go to the beach, or the pier Alex: that sounds great an I would love to, but I have'ta work (Marissa looks at her) but maybe tonight I can pick up some take out an we can go sit by the water Marissa: ok, sounds good Alex: ok (kisses Marissa s cheek) oh uh if a big fat guy with an I heart NASCAR tattoo shows up don t answer the door because he s our landlord an we're late on rent (laughs) bye Marissa waves, then sighs and sits down with the washing) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Caleb walks in and finds Sandy under the sink Caleb: Sanford, glad to see you finally found your calling (smirks) where s Kiki Sandy: Kirsten s at the office with your wife, there workin on the magazine Caleb: I must tell you I m really disturbed by Lindsay s departure Sandy: must you tell me isn t there anyone else you could tell Caleb: ...I've lost my daughter Sandy: (comes out from under the sink) I m sorry Cal (sighs) if you wanna talk ill listen Caleb: I hate to admit it but I really screwed up Sandy: hand me the pliers CUT TO: Julie s office - Julie is in there with Kirsten Julie: why can t I edit my own magazine Kirsten: because you've never edited a magazine Julie: yeah but why this guy, he launched a magazine called the ugly American Kirsten: I ve heard'a that, it s an independent travel magazine It s won a bunch of awards Julie: fine (frowns) but our magazine is about beautiful Americans (hands Kirsten the paper) Kirsten sighs and Julie walks to the window, she sees a guy talking to her receptionist) Lance: she works here, she s like the big boss Kirsten: Julie, promise me that you will make the best of this Julie shuts the blinds then peeks through one) Lance: Julie - Cooper ? Nichol now Receptionist: I m sorry Mrs. Cooper-Nichol is behind closed doors Guy: well tell her Lance stopped by looking for her, she knows me...a little blast from the past Julie looks worried. Kirsten notices) Kirsten: Julie Julie: (turns around) huh Kirsten: did you hear a word that I jus said Julie: (distracted) yeah of course um...yeah I-I couldnt'a said it better myself Julie looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Julie. Julie smiles) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is still working under the sink and Caleb is sitting against the cupboard next to him Caleb: the girl really got to me...I worry about her all the time...how she is what she s doing (frowns) I was watching a peanut butter commercial on television, I was blubbering like a baby Sandy: (comes out) oh, well there s nothin like a...a good cry to release the tension, is the crescent wrench over there Caleb: (frowns) what the devil're you doing anyway Sandy: lookin for Kirsten s wedding ring Seth walks passed on his way out the backdoor) Seth: oh father, I m glad to see you finally found your calling Caleb: exactly what I said Sandy: ah nothin like a good crack about a plumber Seth: plumber, crack that s funny (leaves) Caleb looks over at Sandy who is on all fours with his butt sticking out. Caleb looks away) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth knocks on the door, he waits then opens the door Seth: Ryan buddy (sighs) (walks in) you in the latrine soldier Seth sees a note on Ryan s bed. the bed is made and the place is spotless. Seth picks up the note and reads it. his face drops. the next thing we see is Seth racing back into the kitchen. Caleb watches, Seth grabs the car keys) CUT TO: Alex and Marissa s apartment - Marissa is cleaning up all the empty beer bottles and rubbish around. there s a knock at the door. Marissa looks at the door then slowly looks out the curtain trying to see who it is, she looks relieved and opens the door, its Summer Marissa: hey Summer its just you, I thought you were this big fat guy (they hug) with an I heart NASCAR tattoo Summer: ok, not asking why Summer walks in, Marissa pokes her head out the door and looks around before shutting it) Summer: (frowns) what is that uh earthy...musky smell, pot pouri Marissa: oh no that s skunked beer Summer: well hey it must be awesome ta get away from your mom huh, be outta Caleb s mansion Marissa: (unconvincingly) totally...I don t miss it at all Summer: so I m-I m sure that you have like these really cool edgy plans with Alex today (Marissa listens) but I have to go to the mall for the clothing drive, battered woman s shelter Marissa: the mall, sounds great, let me jus grab my purse CUT TO: The bus station - Seth slowly walks up and sees Ryan sitting on a seat, waiting. he walks over Seth: I hope you brought alotta snacks (sits) it s a long ride to Chicago Ryan: forgot you were an expert (sighs) Seth: oh dude running away, that s...very Seth Cohen Ryan: no I m not (looks at Seth) I mean I am but I m coming back...I jus thought id show up for the weekend, you know suprise her Seth: yeah...I don t know man I think Lindsay s had...enough suprises, you should really try an give it some time Ryan: how...how am I spose'ta do that Seth: well for starters you can keep yourself distracted, now...Marissa an Summer are heading over to the mall ta pick up some clothes for charity (Ryan listens) think about what s at the mall, there s a movie theatre, there s an arcade there s a uh a CPK? featuring exotic toppings from around the world, on a seasoned herb crust an ill tell ya this much, if by tomorrow morning...you still wanna go to Chicago (Ryan looks at him) I promise you, I will drive you to the bus stop myself...an I will generate a fantastic cover story for the parents Ryan: (considers) yeah...yeah (stands) Seth: good, it s settled Ryan grabs his bag and walks away. Seth is still sitting just as a group of soldier s walks by) Seth: (smiles) I m savin private Ryan (stands) CUT TO: The mall - the gang pull up in the car. Seth and Summer in the front, Ryan and Marissa in the back Marissa: ahhh home sweet home Summer: sweet, sweet shopping Seth: twenty four hours buddy your gonna feel like a new man Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Marissa. they are awkward with each other. they both get out of the car on opposite sides) Summer: how s our trooper Seth: (frowns) all our works not done yet Summer: hm (gets out) Seth: (sees the postcard in Summers bag) hey the uh tower of Pisa that s in Italy right Summer: (grabs her bag) come on (frowns) Ryan an Marissa alone, that s awkward let s go they are now inside the mall, in the storage room of the shop that s donating the clothes) Girl: so the stuff for the battered women s shelters in those box an on this rack Summer: huh thanks Girl: as if those poor women s lives weren t hard enough (holds up a coat) someone should get a restraining order against that coat (Marissa and Ryan look at her) (goes to leave) oh we close early today so don t take too long Seth: ok, it looks like somebody missed the sensitivity training seminar Summer: (nods) you guys this is gonna be so much fun though, it s like we have a backstage pass...to the mall Marissa: (smiles) wow Seth: (cutesy) backstage pass to the mall Summer c'mere that s so cute (Summer laughs and they kiss) Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: ill take pants you take sweaters Marissa: sounds perfect Ryan: great we see Summer and Seth still kissing) CUT TO: Julie s office - Kirsten is looking at different full page photos of Julie Kirsten: d'you think we should put your photon on the cover every month...maybe sometimes we could show Newport, you know a house (Julie turns her nose up) the beach Julie: then what s the incentive ta buy the magazine...I mean if people wanna see the beach they could just go there Carter: that would just be wrong Kirsten and Julie turn around) Kirsten: hi Carter I-I m Kirsten Carter: hi (shakes Kirsten s hand) Kirsten: (points) this is Julie Carter: a pleasure to meet you both Julie: Julie Cooper-Nichol CEO of the Newport Group and founder of Newport Living Kirsten: what Julie meant to say was that she is also pleased (smiles) to meet you (Carter nods) Julie: look uh I don t know you and I m not going to lie to you, this magazine is about us Kirsten: it- really more about her Julie: and the people who aspire to be like us...we don t need some outsider coming in an telling us what to do, no offence (smiles) Carter: none taken, if its any consolation I don t wanna be here anymore then you want me here (Julie looks at him) Kirsten: you don t Julie: why not what s wrong with here Carter: I jus don t think the world needs more proclamations about how...mukluks are the new uggs Kirsten: our bars not that low Julie: (to Kirsten) he s right about mukluks write that down Carter: look this can be painless, I know that you resent the publisher foisting me on your magazine...I resent being foisted (Kirsten and Julie look at him) may this be the first of many things we have in common, we'll sit down a couple'a times a week you guy'll do what you want an ill go home with my pay cheque...now, who wants a cocktail (smiles) Kirsten looks at Julie, Julie looks at Kirsten then Carter. Kirsten looks at Carter) CUT TO: Sandy s home bar - Caleb and Sandy are sitting at it, drinking Caleb: sorry about the ring Sanford Sandy: star? (pours Caleb a drink) Caleb: come come, never picked you for a rum man, thankyou Sandy: thankyou, for ya help much as I resisted it...your support has ben alarmingly genuine Caleb: well what you re doing is a nice thing for Kiki...guess I figured making one daughter happy might take the edge off hurting the other one Sandy: oh, I don t know if that s possible Caleb: (looks at Sandy) how would you know Mr. self righteous I never hurt people I only help them Sandy: I hurt Kirsten... Caleb: (looks at Sandy) what'did you do Sandy: (sighs) (shakes his head) an old relationship came back inta my life Caleb: you had an affair Sandy: no, but (stands) this woman Rebecca was very important to me once an havin her around took a real toll on me an my marriage, so I m tryin'a make it up to Kirsten, hence my foray inta plumbing (laughs) (sits) Caleb: that ring means alot to her Sandy: well it took me a long time ta save up enough money to buy it Caleb: memory serves you proposed using a prize from a Cracker Jack box Sandy: no it wasn t from a Cracker Jack box, I won that ring from the cliff house arcade in San Fransisco Caleb: (laughs) an my beautiful daughter walked around for years with a hunk of plastic on her finger Sandy laughs, remembering. Caleb and Sandy both look at each other, both with the same idea) CUT TO: Alex and Marissa s apartment - Alex comes home from work and the house is dark Alex: (turns the light on) Marissa Alex puts the food down on the table and looks around, she sees the pink washing still sitting on the lounge. she sits on the floor and dials a number on the phone) Message: Marissa: hey its Marissa, leave a message (beep) Alex: hey uh house isn t broken into so I m assuming you haven t ben abducted but uh...guess I m gonna jump in the shower, call me (hangs up) CUT TO: The mall - Seth and Summer are mucking around together. Seth puts a sweater around her neck and pulls Summer to him, Summer squeals Summer: aah eww stop wait I feel like I m gonna break out Seth: awww (they kiss) break out your so cute Ryan walks passed them carrying some bags and drops it down next to Marissa. Marissa looks at him while she s sorting) Marissa: hey Ryan: hey Marissa: ...so how are you...with Lindsay an everything Ryan: uh honestly I m not so good, how bout you Marissa: um thrilled to get outta the house Ryan: yeah, you back at your moms Marissa: no Alex s (Ryan looks at her) I mean...our place I guess Seth walks passed them carrying a bag, he goes to the door and pushes the handle but it doesn t budge, he pushes it again, then bangs against it with his side. the bang makes Marissa and Ryan look over) Seth: you guys I think we're stuck in here Summer: that clueless sales skank she probably did it on purpose Marissa: well lets jus call someone Summer: (at the door, yells) HEEELLLP! Seth: on the phone Ryan: yeah except there is no phone they all pull out their cells and look, none of them have service) Seth: eh Summer: there s no cell service...wait I have an idea (pulls out a bobby pin) Seth: oh good idea (to Ryan) here you go buddy go to town Ryan: (looks at Seth) now why would you assume I know how'ta pick a lock Seth: (softly) I didn t Ryan: c'mon think? Seth: (softly) I jus thought you'd wanna give it a try uh-hm (kneels at the door) sorta my specialty Summer: come on Seth sticks it in the key hole and puts his ear to the door then jiggles it around) Summer: are you getting it Seth: talk to me baby...talk to me Summer: is it going Seth: oh yeah I m hearin somethin right (we hear a click) mm kay good news guys, I almost got it (stands) but then what happened was uh I broke it Summer: god, this is like the episode of the Valley where Jakes goes to the bank to get his bah mitzvah money out an him an April get locked in the vault Marissa: well how'd they get out Seth: they didn t, they had'ta wait till the bank opened in the morning Summer: (sad) that s how April got pregnant Seth: (comforts Summer) sweetie (Summer looks down) Ryan: alright well there s gotta be a way out of here (looks around) Seth: um Summer: (sighs) (looks) you guys Seth: what s up Summer: (points) what about over there Ryan looks and he sees an air vent. the next thing we see is Ryan crawling inside said air vent, Seth is not far behind) Seth: hey Ryan what'did I tell you isn t this great, its like goonies meets die hard by way of mission impossible...with I think a slight hint'a national treasure thrown in Ryan: hey about before when I told you to shut up Seth: yeah I know I m doing it again Ryan: uh no no uh (sighs) thanks man, for getting me out here, err in here Seth: yeah, not givin up Ryan: yeah Seth moves forward slightly and falls through. we hear a loud thud and broken glass. Ryan goes to the edge, stunned) Seth: (calls) oh Ryan I think I found a quicker way out, unfortunately it involves broken bones an broken glass we are now back in the room with Summer and Marissa) Marissa: well I think this is the last of it (puts a bag down) Summer: yess Marissa: so you an Seth seem happy Summer: yeah (nods/smiles) yeah you know I just...I really want it to be different this time (Marissa nods) for better for worse, I really feel connected to him Marissa nods, we see Ryan back in the air vents and hear Summers voice) Summer: I mean do you feel that way with Alex we see Summer and Marissa how Ryan is seeing them. we can see Marissa s back, and Summer sitting opposite her) Marissa: well truthfully, I think the only person I ve ever really felt that way with is... Summer: yeah (nods) Ryan is watching/listening) Summer: I mean is it weird being here with him an me an Cohen Marissa: (shrugs) no, its fine Summer: good (nods) because I know your like you know inta chicks now an everything but d'you ever think about getting back together with him (Ryan listens) I mean Lindsay s gone now... Marissa: yeah Lindsay s gone, and he s heart broken Summer: d'you miss him Marissa: (half smiles) ...every day Ryan is still listening, Marissa looks at Summer and shrugs. Summer smiles. Seth walks through the door) Summer: hey (stands) Seth: hey guys (smiles) where s um Ryan motions "no" to Seth) Seth: (waves) hey Ryan Summer: ooooh Marissa stands up and looks at Ryan, Ryan goes to climb out. Marissa looks away) CUT TO: Them coming out of the storage room and into the shop Ryan: (sighs) so why is no one else here Summer: the...stores closed Seth: yeah, let s find an exit an get outta here Ryan: yeah good idea Summer: wait-wait-wait, we re not going anywhere Seth: yeah I know cause we're trapped so lets you know Summer: yes, trapped in a department store, which is my ultimate - fantasy Marissa and Ryan look at Summer) Ryan: mmkay an what if we get caught Summer: we'll be stealth, come on you guys what could be cooler, go to sleep in a mall (Marissa raises her eyebrows) an wake up in a mall...come on its like being awake but still dreaming, the mall doesn t open till what 10 am we'll be out before then we could get mc muffins Ryan and Marissa look at Seth) Seth: (thinks) yeah I suppose we could all use a night to forget all our troubles, by all I mean Ryan Ryan: huh (smiles) its true (smile goes) Summer: sooo it s settled then Seth: ok...what happens in the mall stays in the mall Summer: cool the next thing we see is a change room, the doors are closed and you can just see the legs of each one as the camera pans. the ends of the conversation over lap the start of the next) Summer: oh sorry to wake you...at eight o'clock at night, can you tell my dad that I m uh sleeping at Marissa s Marissa: hey uh sorry I missed your call I uh I jus brought some laundry over to my moms place, I was thinking I might jus spend the night...yeah so anyway, call my cell Seth: dad, so uh Ryan an I are trapped in the mall an we're gonna spend the night here, now I know that credit card use is for emergency s but I may have'ta shell out for a few supplies (hangs up) Seth, Marissa and Summer all come out of the doors at the same time. Ryan is waiting for them) Seth: its a little somethin I like ta call the truth Ryan: (stands) so what what'do we do now Summer: hm, I have an idea (walks over to hockey masks) uh-hm (puts one on) Ryan: your gonna kill us all with a chainsaw Summer: (takes it off) no, highest score gets the bed in the ethan allen? show room, lowest score takes the tent Seth: we're playin sports the next thing we see is a close up of Ryan all geared up, he puts his hockey mask down over his face. then Marissa puts hers down. then Seth puts his down and finally Summer puts hers down. then Ryan holds out a hockey stick, Summer skates passed and grabs one, then Marissa does the same and finally Seth. ok this next bit is them all talking over each other while they play so ill do the best I can to get it all) Summer: alright Seth: come on Summer: oh what the hell is there? Marissa: hey Summer stop him Summer: go go Marissa: Seth quit cheating Ryan scores a goal and Seth looks down between his legs where it just rolled through) Summer: yes Marissa: what, hey that s not fair Summer: (lifts her mask and yells) come on, off side! Ryan: what that wasn t off side Marissa: Summer ? block him Summer scores) Summer: yes Ryan: ooooh Seth and Summer high five each other and Seth falls over) Seth: whoa Summer: Cohen, come on come on get up get up (helps Seth up) up-up-up-up-up, don t be a baby Seth: get it girls get it, get it the ball ends up bouncing down the escalators, Marissa and Summer follow after it. as they roll off the bottom of the escalator the security camera gets activated, and follows them) Summer: oh my god (lifts her mask) hey look it s the new body shimmer (Marissa lifts her mask and looks) hm shimmery up above them Ryan and Seth are looking over the edge) Seth: you guys (Marissa and Summer look up) enough'a the sports lets eat Summer: mm (puts her mask down) Marissa puts her mask down and they skate off. the security camera follows) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: A restaurant - Julie, Kirsten and Carter walk in. Carter pulls out Kirsten s chair for her at the table. they all sit down then we see the guy from earlier, Lance, sitting at the bar. he looks over at Julie and Julie looks back, stunned Julie: I...I think ill go to the bar Kirsten: great, ill have a pina gracio? Julie: (walks to the bar) no thankyou (to Lance) what the hell are you doing here Lance Lance: aww that s no way to greet your first love Julie: you weren t my first love just my first Lance: they say a girl never forgets Julie: yeah well maybe she had so much southern comfort she never remembered in the first place Lance: well maybe we should try a re enactment Lance leans over and touches Julie, Julie pulls away then looks to make sure Kirsten or Carter hadn t seen) [SCENE_BREAK] Julie: I know you, ok so cut to the chase you wouldn t be here if you didn t want something Lance: actually...I have something for you Julie: yeah, last time you gave me something I drank cranberry juice for a week Lance slides a brown paper bag to Julie) Julie: (glares) what'did I ever do to you Lance: oh I ve ben watchin you rise baby...married to the richest man in town, living in the biggest house Julie: (scoffs) you want money Lance: take a look...tell me how much it s worth to you Julie: ...I have two daughters now Lance: I know...an aren t they worth protecting Julie takes the bag and walks back over to Kirsten and Carter) Julie: uh guys I m-I m suddenly...not feeling so well um food poisoning or (smiles) something Kirsten: (confused) we haven t eaten Julie leaves) CUT TO: The mall - Summer is at the tent Summer: (calls) Cohen...Cohen! Seth walks over) Seth: I was foraging here (throws Summer a packet) Summer: what is it (reads) chicken flavoured soy malt, it s kosher Seth: it s only thirty six hundred calories Seth puts something in the canoe and Summers bag falls out. he sees the postcard again when he puts it back) Seth: hey Summer Summer: what Seth: could you maybe go grab another uhhh paper mache log for the faux fire...that way we can make fake smores (rubs his hands together and grins) Summer: (thinks) yeah sure (walks off) Seth looks to make sure Summer is gone then goes to grab the postcard, he grabs his wrist with his other hand, stopping himself. he claps his hands together and then looks again) Seth: but I want to (goes to again) dude don t do it...don t do it...do- ok Seth bends down and picks up the postcard and starts to read it. he scans with his eyes and frowns. Summer comes back) Summer: hey I can t fi- Seth quickly turns around and holds the postcard behind his back {busted,lol}) Summer: Cohen, what're you doing CUT TO: Caleb s mansion - On the TV we see a young Julie open the door to a pizza guy Pizza guy: hey I got a pizza for uh...you (grins) didn t we have s*x Y Julie: no, I m a virgin, at least I think I am young Julie walks away with the pizza and the pizza boy checks her out - we then see Julie with a remote control in her hand, and the video cover THE p0rn IDENTITY is sitting on the table near her. Julie watches more) Y Julie: why don t you stay for a slice, are you hungry Pizza guy: starving...you really dont remember me Y Julie: no (points to her head) I have amnesia, I don t remember anything (the pizza guy smiles and kisses her - Alex walks in) Julie: (sees Alex) oh my god (turns off the tape) Alex: (looking down) its cool, little p0rn on a Saturday night my lips are sealed Julie: what're you doing here Alex: looking for Marissa she left a message that she was here Julie: well she s not (Alex goes to leave) I guess I m not the only one she lies to huh (Alex looks at her) I know my daughter, I only let her go with you because I knew it was a matter of time before she came back (Alex looks away) as much as Marissa likes to complain she had a very nice life thanks to me...one she'll miss once the novelty wears off...which I m guessing is about now Alex: (looks at Julie) ...Marissa...Marissa's not happy Julie: Marissa an happy parted ways about her sixteenth birthday but have you met her new friends sullen an vindictive Alex: no, the only ones she s brought over to the house are scared...an overwhelmed Julie: ...Alex...an...I m not saying this to be mean, because you...actually seem like a nice enough girl an...I like your pants (Alex closes her eyes) but (sighs) you are this weeks yard guy (Alex looks at her) Marissa s latest drama, weapon of torture to inflict against me Alex: (shakes her head) (softly) you don t know that Julie: yeah, honey, I do (nods) Marissa s only ben in love once an...he looked a whole lot different in a wife beater Alex closes her eyes) CUT TO: The mall - Marissa and Ryan meet up on the stairs Marissa: hey Ryan: hey Marissa: what'd you find Ryan: uh gift basket (holds up a huge basket) crackers, brie, raspberry preserves Marissa: nice...oh candy counter, macaroons licorice bits (Ryan nods) we now are back with Seth and Summer at the tent) Seth: why are you so mad Summer: (walking away from Seth) why we're you looking in my purse Seth: (following) why are you getting postcards from Zach Summer: because um when I talked ta him I told him to send me a postcard Seth: you talked to him Summer: yes (turns around to face Seth) what am I gonna ditch him at the airport an then not take his calls, look Cohen he s my friend, he s your friend too Seth: yeah and friends let friends read postcards so why can t I jus see it Summer: why...can t you jus trust me that it doesn t say anything Seth: because I know it says somethings hot, I saw what he wrote, d'you remember how hot it was, an the rest was covered up by a stamp Summer: ugh Marissa and Ryan come over) Marissa: hey we brought macaroons (smiles) Ryan: spray cheese Summer: oooh, who's hungry Seth looks worried) CUT TO: An arcade - Sandy is playing the claw game and Caleb is watching him Caleb: the big yellow one there (points) Sandy: relax, relax your talkin to a master here (the claw goes down and picks up a blue egg) its all in the wrist Sandy looks excited and the claw drops the blue egg into the chute, Sandy pulls the egg out and opens it up) Caleb: blast, another key chain Sandy puts the keychain with a whole stack of them on the machine) Sandy: (disappointed) I really wanted'ta win this for Kirsten...prove to her Caleb: prove to her what Sandy: that she s the love'a my life, that I cherish her above all others Caleb: you don t need a crappy piece'a plastic to do that, just tell her Sandy: yeah they both start walking away, Sandy looks back at the machine) Caleb: but you really want that ring don t you Sandy: more then anything Caleb: ill get more quarters Sandy: more quarters (stands in front of the machine again) CUT TO: The mall - Marissa and Ryan are at the tent now Marissa: we're really roughing it huh Ryan: yeah Marissa: (sits outside the tent) all alone, in the wilderness Ryan turns the camping light on, Marissa looks at him then when he looks at her she looks away) Ryan: (stands) maybe we should find Seth an Summer, watch a movie, we do have like five hundred TV screens all to ourselves Marissa: yeah that sounds good but... Ryan: right probably want their privacy Marissa: (nods) well what happens at the mall stays at the mall (looks at Ryan) Marissa s phone rings) Marissa: I should uh Ryan: yeah Marissa: (walks away and answers) hey...oh yeah I didn t end up going to my moms...well I ran inta Summer (Ryan listens) I think I m jus gonna hang at her place...ill see you in the morning, ok bye (hangs up and walks back) Ryan: Alex Marissa: yeah...oh its not that she s the jealous type Ryan: right I mean why would she be jealous Marissa: exactly (shrugs) she'd jus be bummed to be missing Ryan: aaaallll this (smiles) (Marissa smiles) Marissa sits back down) Ryan: tired Marissa: exhausted Ryan: go for it ill camp out here, keep an eye out for bears an mall cops Marissa: no you take it Ryan: (smiles) no offence but your not really the roughing it type Marissa: it s big enough for two, it says it sleeps four Marissa goes inside and Ryan follows - elsewhere we see somebody bend down and pick up the ball they were playing hockey with. a man in a suit and security guard look at each other then at the escalators) CUT TO: Summer and Seth at the bed - they both look unhappy Seth: I m not mad at you anymore Summer: well I m mad at you Seth: fine, then I am mad at you, I don t get it why cant you jus tell me what happened with you an Zach that was so hot Summer: (hears something) shhh Seth: what, don't-don't shoosh me listen Summer: (covers Seth s mouth) shhh (whispers) company we hear a guy talking on a radio, and see light coming from the escalator - Seth makes his cute little hand signals to Summer. he taps his hands together then makes a circle with his finger then makes circles around his eyes with his thumb and forefingers) Summer: what Seth: that means 2 ? jus go Summer: get out they both run off - then we see inside the tent, Ryan and Marissa are both lying down) Marissa: can t believe Seth an Summer, back together Ryan: finally, an now we don t have'ta hear about it Marissa: oh yeah, I m sure we'll still be hearing about it (looks at Ryan) Ryan: yeah (sighs) there probably fighting right now Marissa: (smiles/laughs) (sits up on her elbow) you remember last year when she went over to his house for thanks giving Ryan: (frowns) yeah an Anna was over there (sits up on his elbow) Marissa: she was so pissed Ryan: yeah I wish we could'a ben there to see it (looks down then looks at Marissa) Marissa: (frowns) yeah, to bad we were busy driving stolen cars around Chino Ryan: oooh, well (sighs) yeah that s my brother Trey Marissa: yeah, even though we were almost killed it was Ryan: kinda fun Marissa: (softly) yeah Ryan and Marissa look at each other. Seth pokes his head in) Seth: we need to go right now (quickly goes out) CUT TO: The restaurant - Carter and Kirsten are still there together Kirsten: (almost laughing) so your gonna spend the next six months devoted to Julie Coopers vanity project (Carter nods) I...uh what happened to the ugly American, that was the hottest travel magazine Carter: yeah well it s a long story, actually it s a short story about a long bender, I was in the middle of a divorce at the time Kirsten: oh I m sorry Carter: mm why is it whenever I say I m divorced people act like somebody s jus died (Kirsten s smiles) you ever ben married Kirsten: I am married Carter: you re not wearing a ring Kirsten: I-I lost it...I-I mean I-I t- I took it off an I-I can t find it Carter: that s a strong statement, taking off your wedding ring Kirsten: I was potting geraniums Carter: (nods) the night...I realised my wife didn t love me anymore I-I found her ring by the kitchen sink, she said she'd ben uh...scrubbing a casserole dish Kirsten: those casseroles can be a bitch Carter: so could my ex they both look at each other) Carter: you know I don t think we've said two words about the magazine since Julie...Cooper-Nichol left the building...I don t think we've uh accomplished our goals for the day Kirsten: (smiles) well I thought your goal was getting paid for doing nothing Carter: well lets jus say I m finding Newport Living...alot more interesting then I thought it would be (Kirsten nods) CUT TO: The mall - we see the security guard walking up to the tent with a flash light, and we can hear The Valley, but the guard of course doesn t know it s the valley Guard: (draws his gun) we got em we see the tent with 4 shadows inside which look like humans. the guard walks closer to the tent and opens it up, inside we see 4 clothing dummies wearing the hockey gear from earlier, then the camera shows a close up of the Valley season 1 DVD cover. an alarm sounds and the guard and the guy in the suit turn around. we then see Ryan, Seth, Marissa and Summer bolting in the parking lot to the car. Seth gives Ryan the keys and they all quickly get in, laughing. this time Ryan and Marissa are in the front with Seth and Summer together in the back. Ryan starts the car and reverses up quickly, the tyre screeches) Seth: that was awesome Summer: dude its cold trickle time out lets floor it man Marissa: hey, anyone hungry Seth: um I m sure Summer would like Italian Summer: god give it up Cohen Seth: ok I will stop with the teasing when you confess Summer: ok (punches Seth in the arm repeatedly) an ill stop punching you when you shut - up Seth grabs Summers hand to stop her hitting him anymore. Marissa looks at Ryan) Seth: yes Summer: ow Ryan: I m thinkin cheeseburgers Marissa: an chili fries, perfect (smiles) (Ryan smiles) Seth: come on CUT TO: Caleb s mansion - the phone rings and Julie answers it Julie: hello Lance is in his car, talking on the phone) Lance: enjoy the show Julie: ill write you a cheque for fifty thousand dollars right now Lance: fifty g's, you spend that much to keep your pool clean...I was thinkin more like five hundred thousand Julie: (shocked) are you crazy Lance: I could make more then that sellin that tape on the internet Julie: I cannot get that kind of money Lance: I think you can Julie: without my husband knowing, what am I spose'ta tell him Lance: tell him the truth, that your mom was sick an your sister was pregnant an you realised your tips in waitressing weren t gonna pay the rent that month...or...make something up (hangs up) Julie hangs up the phone, stunned) CUT TO: Ryan pulling up at the diner Seth: but why cant i Summer: because it s not a big deal Seth: well if it s not a big deal Summer: enough!...what'does it matter Cohen Seth: it matters to me Ryan: alright we'll be inside Marissa: you guys coming Summer: no I think uh we need'a stay here so I don t strangle him in public Marissa: ok, we'll save room in the booth Ryan and Marissa get out) Seth: (sighs) how is it that Ryan an Marissa are now the functional couple Summer: oh my god, ok we cannot be more annoying then Ryan an Marissa...we're monsters Seth: I like monsters but not us Summer: do we not work as a couple anymore...are we all set up an no pay off Seth: all preparation no age Summer: (thinks) ok pinkie swear (holds out her pinkie) if I tell you what s on the postcard we stop bickering Seth: about the postcard (Summer looks at him) ok (puts his pinkie on hers) pinkie swear Summer kisses her hand, then Seth kisses his! {sooo cute!}) Summer: (gets the postcard) uh-hm ok, look here, right under the stamp what s so hot, is the weather Seth: ahhh Summer: yeah Seth: yeah right there Summer: yeah and uh if you look down here the sign off well no I love you not even an I miss you but um- Seth: (points) say hi to Seth Summer: yeah Seth: that s from Zach (smiles) Summer: (puts the postcard away) yeah (bites her lip) Summer and Seth look at each other) Seth: (softly) fine Summer: c'mere (they kiss) well I definitely think we work as a couple CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy is on the bed reading, the clock next to him says 11:21, Sandy looks over and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: sorry I-I didn t think I was gonna be so late Sandy: (shuts his book) I didn t find your ring Kirsten: oh you were looking for my ring Sandy: me an your father, we made a day of it...he was upset about Lindsay an I was upset about uh (laughs) I was just upset Kirsten: well we'll find our groove (smiles) an my ring Sandy: in the mean time (gets up) we're gonna have'ta do the dishes an things in the bathroom sink because I...I lost the bolt you know that keeps the pipe an the...the thing together (he s standing opposite Kirsten now) but just know this Sandy pulls out an egg and opens it, Kirsten looks at it suprised. Sandy smiles and puts the ring on her finger. Kirsten looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at her) Sandy: I love you (Kirsten looks at him with an aww expression) an I m so sorry I did anything to make you doubt it Kirsten hugs Sandy) FADE TO: Julie by herself, thinking about the tape FADE TO: Alex lying on the couch asleep by herself. the pink clothes are folded neatly and the mess has gone FADE TO: Cohen bedroom - we can hear the shower going, Kirsten takes off her robe and looks towards the bathroom. she walks around the bed and puts the plastic ring down on the table. she opens the drawer and lifts up the cover of a book, 3 rings are sitting there, she picks them all up and puts them back on her wedding ring finger. she closes her eyes and smiles CUT TO: The diner - Ryan and Marissa are sitting together eating Marissa: (smiles) you know...it s funny...or not funny really but...we've ben apart longer then we were together Ryan: (looks at Marissa) it has ben a while Marissa: yeah, alots happened Ryan: (nods) guess you could say we're kinda like strangers (smiles) Marissa: (smiles) (looks at Ryan) yeah, so who are you Ryan: (with a fry hanging out of his mouth) (looks at Marissa) whoever you want me to be {for those die hard fans, this is similar to the scene in the pilot episode when Ryan and Marissa first meet on the Cohen s driveway awwww} Marissa laughs and throws a fry at him. we then see them from outside, the camera pans and we see Seth and Summer standing together watching them through the window. Seth has his arm around her and she has her head on his chest) Seth: ah look at that my little Summer, it seems like the fantastic four is becoming fantastic again (kisses Summers head) the camera goes back to the window and we see Seth and Summer go inside and sit with Ryan and Marissa) - Fade out

Lindsay's actions have left Ryan and Caleb confused. Marissa is trying hard to make her new living situation work, but she needs a break and agrees to join Summer, Seth and Ryan at the mall. Julie and Kirsten await the arrival of Carter, the new editor of Newport Living, but Julie is distracted when she's visited by Lance, an opportunistic man from her past. Meanwhile, Sandy and Caleb finally bond over all of their recent experiences.

fd_Angel_01x17

fd_Angel_01x17_0

Close-ups of Angel's and Wesley's faces. Angel: "Maybe we can make a break for it." Wesley: "Impossible." Angel: "Front exit?" Wesley: "We'd be spotted instantly." Angel: "Back door?" Wesley: "Blocked." Angel: "That's it then - we're trapped." Wesley: "We might try shouting 'fire.' (Camera pulls back to reveal that they are sitting in an almost empty theater) Not technically a crowed theater." Cut to Cordy on stage, wearing an old-fashioned dress. Cordy: "One day, I might, yes, many years from now - when I've lost my looks a little. Do not laugh." Wesley looking at his watch: "Only another hour." Cordy: "I mean, of course a time will come when Torvald is not - is not - (turns to back of stage) Line!" Prompter: "is not as devoted to me" Wesley: "Perhaps two." Cordy: "What?" Prompter: "is not as devoted to me" Cordy: "Right, right. (turns back around) When Torvald is not as devoted to me (give a dramatic sob then turns her head back towards the prompter)." Angel: "And I thought I knew eternity." Credits Angel and Wesley are walking down the street at night with Cordy between them. Cordy: "So? What did you think?" Angel and Wesley exchange a look. Wesley: "Well, your - projection was excellent." Angel: "Yeah. I could hear every word and we were way in the back." Cordy: "Okay, so I was loud. But was I any good?" Wesley: "You - took the role and made it your own." Cordy: "Really? Thanks. Angel, was I good?" Angel: "I wouldn't say it if I didn't think so." Cordy: "Thanks. - You didn't say it." Angel: "I didn't?" Cordy spots something across the street. Cordy: "I don't believe it!" Angel: "Hey, you know, it was a night in the theater I'll never forget." Cordy: "That's Oliver Simon!" Wesley: "Who?" Cordy: "Only one of the most important talent managers in this town! I was at a party with him. (To Angel) You were there!" Angel: "Right. - He gave me his card." Cordy: "What?! I was working him all night and he gave *you* his card?" Angel: "He thought I had a quality." Cordy: "Look who he's with! - Rebecca Lowell." Wesley: "Who?" Cordy: "Raven! - She played Raven in 'On Your Own?' Big hit television show that was only on for like 9 years? Do either of you even own a television?" Wesley: "I.." Angel: "No." Cordy: "It was a seminal show. Canceled by the idiot network. (Angel sees a car pulling away from the curb) I was going to picket them but I didn't have any comfortable shoes..." Cordy trails off as Angel walks over the hood of the car parked next to them and pushes Rebecca out of the way of the oncoming car. Rebecca rolls clear, but Angel hits the windshield (breaking the glass) then rolls over top of it and down the street to come to rest in front of another parked car. Oliver: "Oh, my god, Rebecca! (Hurries over to her as Rebecca watches Angel get up) Are you alright darling?" Wesley and Cordy hurry over to Angel. Cordy: "Oh my god! What was she like?" Rebecca to Angel: "Excuse me - are you alright?" Cordy: "Oh, he's fine. It was such an honor to save your life, Ms. Lowell." Rebecca: "Thank you. (To Angel) I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." Cordy: "Cordelia Chase. I'm so glad you weren't - oh. (motions towards Angel) He doesn't eve know who you are." Rebecca to Angel: "You don't know me?" Oliver: "Sure he doesn't. I'm sure he'll accept a small reward anyway. (Pulls out his wallet)" Angel: "No thanks." Oliver: "We're not gonna be held up here." Rebecca: "Oliver, down. He doesn't know who I am." Cordy: "He's culturally retarded that way." Rebecca holds out her hand: "I'm Rebecca." Angel takes it: "Angel." Rebecca: "So - you make a habit of this sort of thing, Angel?" Cordy: "Oh, it's only like his purpose in life! Angel is the Dark Avenger - only not too dark - happy dark! I have a card in here somewhere." Wesley: "Cordelia." Cordy: "What?" Rebecca seeing press and cameras: "Oh god. Who called ET?" Wesley: "Emma Thompson?" Cordy: "Entertainment Tonight, doofus." Oliver: "They're here for the party." Rebecca: "Oliver?" Oliver: "This will be all over the tabs come morning, Bec. We might as well just put our own spin on it first, right?" Rebecca: "Look, I'd like to apologize... (looks around, but Angel is gone)" Cordy: "Oh, he does that. Here is our card. If you ever need rescuing, or want to pal around or something - call us! (Wesley grabs a hold of her arms and drags her off) Let go!" Wesley: "Come along." Rebecca looks around and catches a glimpse of Angel as he disappears around the corner of the next street. Cut to the office, day. Angel is standing by the open file cabinet as Cordy comes in carrying a newspaper. Cordy: "I made the papers. Last night is all over the front-page of the Calendar section!" Wesley: "Really. There was a reviewer form the Times at your play?" Cordy: "What? No! Like a reviewer needs to see some hundred-year-old play! The thing with Rebecca Lowell - I'm in the picture." Wesley: "Where?" Cordy: "Right there." Wesley: "Where?" Cordy: "Right there! Next to Rebecca. That's my elbow." Angel: "Guys. Can we just forget about Rebecca Lowell? I mean, we ran into an actor. It's Hollywood. It happens. (Looks over Wesley's shoulder at the paper) We have a nice photo of Cordelia's - elbow and an article about me saving a TV-star. (Walks towards his office) Just because the papers want to make it..." Wesley: "There is no mention of you." Angel comes back to look at the paper: "What?" Wesley: "Nothing." Angel: "Oh. - Well, - that's good, right? I mean this whole high-profile thing really isn't our deal anyway." Cordy: "What are you talking about? First off, Rebecca Lowell hasn't had a series since 'On Your Own' was canceled, and that was almost a season and a half ago!" Wesley: "And they say there are no seasons in Los Angeles." Cordy: "We have to use this now before she's just another E! True Hollywood Story! When word gets out that you're protector to the stars, they're going to be lining up at the door!" Rebecca walks in with tow bodyguards: "Glad I beat the crowd then." Cordy: "Oh, my god. No! (turns around to face Rebecca) I didn't mean - uhm - coffee? Tea? We don't have anything good here - uh, but our (motions at Wesley) intern would be happy to get you something, Ms. Lowell." Rebecca to Angel: "Can we talk?" Angel: "Sure. Right in here." Rebecca to the bodyguards: "Stay." Angel to Cordy: "Stay." Inside Angel's back office Rebecca takes in the closed blinds. Rebecca: "You're not fond of sunshine." Angel: "I'm a night person." Rebecca: "Me too. - It uh - makes it easier to hide." Angel: "Seems like you're in the wrong business if you want to hide." Rebecca: "So - you never really saw even one single episode of 'On Your Own.'" Angel: "No." Rebecca: "Huh. - Well, stop by. I'll give you a private screening of the episode I - didn't win the Emmy for." Angel moves to put his desk between them: "Thanks for the invitation but - um..." Rebecca: "Look. I've been famous since I was 14. It's - refreshing to meet someone who doesn't care." Angel sits down: "Seems like you're surrounded by people who care about you." Rebecca: "They work for me. They're paid to care." Angel: "So. How can I help you?" Rebecca puts some letters on the table in front of him: "I have a - stack of these at home. All the same - written in blood. He also has my private telephone number." (Angel looks at the letter: Rebecca - I will make you love me. You will see me but I won't speak to you unless you SEE ME. There is no OTHER WAY! We will be together - it will be SOON. I will be-) Rebecca: "Scary calls in the middle of the night. Most of my devoted fans are harmless but these..." Angel: "It's not blood." Rebecca: "Are you sure?" Angel: "Have you tried the police?" Rebecca: "Oliver has been after me to but - then I'd just be hand-feeding the story to the Enquirer. No, thanks." Angel: "How do you know I won't do the same?" Rebecca: "I don't. But I do know that you came out of nowhere and saved my life last night. I know that you didn't ask for anything in return. And I know - I feel safer in this office than I do in my own home. - I'm up for a new series. One of those make-or-break gigs for Rebecca's career part two. - I need - peace of mind." Angel: "The car that ran you down was a green, freshly painted '76 Chevy Nova. I caught the plates, ran the vehicle ID. It was stolen. (Hands Rebecca the paper with the information) And I'm sorry, but - I can't take your case." Cordy yells through the closed door: "Are you insane?" then quickly turns away pretending to sneeze. Rebecca: "I don't understand." Angel: "Give that information to your people. They'll find the guy. You don't need me." Cut to Angel still sitting behind his desk, Wesley leaning in the door and Cordy pacing the floor. Cordy: "My first big connection to Hollywood and you practically throw her out of the office. Haven't you ever heard of networking?" Wesley: "Cordelia." Cordy: "No! He can fight off Donkey-Demons, who rip peoples - guts out, but he can't help one defenseless actress from a psycho? (To Angel) What is your thing?" Wesley: "He likes her. He's afraid of getting close." Cordy to Wesley: "Cause of his curse? (To Angel) You'd have to get awfully close to her for that to kick in. And in the mean time you could be helping me." Wesley: "The person who needs help here - is Ms Lowell." Cordy: "Right. He could be helping us both! (To Angel) Think of the Karma!" Wesley leans on Angel's desk: "This may not be the right case for you. Maybe we can find somebody else to help her." Cordy puts a hand to her forehead and hunches over: "Oh no! Not now! God! What's this I see in my vision? Oh. It's a figure - a woman. It's Rebecca. She's in danger. Teeerrible danger. (The guys are not impressed and Cordy gives up her act) Great! Just - great. Because Mr. Distance has intimacy issues, I lose my brush with fame!" Angel: "Oh, jeez. Cordelia, she is just a person." Cordy: "Spoke like a true non-person! - Just knowing a star makes your life better. I'd do anything to live in her world!" Cut to Rebecca lying on a lounger beside a pool. Girl: "They make this incision behind the jaw and under both eyes and suction out the fat. You have to be proactive with deterioration." Rebecca: "Right." Girl: "Christiana had it done at 24." Blend into the pool at night. Pull in on the house behind it. Rebecca is giving a fabulous Hollywood party. One scene blends into the next with less and less people until Rebecca is the only one left. She walks up the stairs, then hears a noise and comes back down. A figure crashes through a glass door. It's Angel. He charges past her to kick a guy in a black ski mask coming up behind her. They exchange a few blows then the guy pulls a shelving unit down on top of Angel and runs out through the broken door. Angel crawls out from under the shelf and gets up. Rebecca runs over to him. Rebecca: "Are you..." Her eyes go past him to the huge mirror behind her sofa. She is alone in the reflection. Angel sees the mirror. They look at each other, then there is a banging on the door. Bodyguard through door: "Ms. Lowell, are you alright in there? I'm gonna call the police." Rebecca looks towards the door, when she looks back, Angel is gone. Rebecca: "Yes, Oliver, I am sure. I'd rather be alone tonight." Oliver: "Alone though? After all this? Don't you at least want someone in the house?" Rebecca: "Half the LAPD is camped out on my front lawn. He won't be back tonight." Oliver: "All right. I should probably go deal with the press." Rebecca: "You do that Oliver." Oliver pulls her into a hug: "I love you kiddo. (Steps back) You know that." Rebecca: "I know." [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Rebecca locking the door after Oliver and the last of the police have left. Rebecca: "I know you're still here." Angel slowly comes out of hiding: "I'm not what you think." Rebecca: "You're not? Because - no reflection, - dark, private office, instantly knowing those letters weren't written in blood, I guess what I would think is - vampire." Angel: "Then again..." Rebecca: "Which is impossible. Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman, they're vampires." Angel: "Frank Langella was the only performance I believed but..." Rebecca: "This is real. - You're real. - Do you drink blood?" Angel: "Yeah. But not people." Rebecca: "You're not a killer." Angel: "I gave that up." Rebecca: "Well, there is a support group for everything in this town, I guess." Angel: "It's a long story." Rebecca: "How long? - A hundred years?" Angel: "Two - hundred, and some change." Rebecca: "200 years - but you look... If I touch you, will you be cold? (She reaches out a hand to touch Angel's cheek) I've felt colder." Angel: "You're really not afraid." Rebecca: "No." Angel: "Most people who saw what you saw..." Rebecca: "I'm not most people. - I lied to Oliver. I don't - really want to be alone tonight." Cut to Wesley sitting behind a desk in the office, day. Cordy: "He took the case?" Wesley: "Yes. He phoned early this morning. We're to follow up on the stolen vehicle." Cordy: "What made him change his mind?" Wesley: "Apparently he didn't. He was quietly keeping tabs on her all along." Cordy: "And he called you early this morning?" Wesley: "Yes. Uh, isn't this what you were lobbying for?" Cordy: "How early? Did he spend the night?" Wesley: "One assumes." Cordy: "Oh, great. He spent the night with the fantasy of millions. - All alone, 'protecting' her." Wesley: "You're worried about the curse. (Cordy huffs) I wouldn't be." Cordy: "Hey, you weren't around the last time Angel went mental. I, on the other hand, was on the first wave of the clean-up crew. - He knows perfect happiness, he goes evil. So don't tell me not to worry." Wesley: "Angel's moment of true happiness occurred because he was with Buffy. You realize how rare that is - true happiness? - And what are the odds he's find that with an actress." Cordy: "What's that supposed to mean?" Wesley: "I was - I meant TV-actress." Cordy: "Save it. Angel spent the night at Rebecca's. I owe it to that poor girl - to see if he wound up chowing down on my one link to fame." Cut to Angel walking down the stairs in Rebecca's house, as there is a knock on the door. Angel: "Cordelia, - you're here - and you brought a cross." Cordy carefully staying in the sun shining in through the door: "Along with three double half-caf, non-fat, skinny lattes." Angel: "And a cross." Cordy: "Well, judging by the outfit, I guess it's safe to come in. Evil Angel never would have worn those pants. - Where is Rebecca?" Angel: "She had a lunch to go to." Cordy: "Lunch? It's still noon. Shouldn't that be more of a brunch for her?" Angel: "Well, actually she was up before dawn, working out." Cordy: "So she went to lunch and just left you here to rummage through her things?" Angel: "No, I - told her that I was a vampire, and that daytime patio dining was out." Cordy: "Did you just make a joke?" Angel: "I really told her." Cordy: "Wow. So do you think she'd still set me up with her manager?" Cut to Rebecca meeting Oliver at a restaurant table. Oliver: "You look terrific." Rebecca: "They canceled, didn't they?" Oliver: "Not canceled - postponed. That's all. Scheduling conflicts - it's nothing." Rebecca: "Oliver you said I had this part." Oliver: "Yes. They want you to come into their offices and read." Rebecca: "Read?" Cut to Rebecca's house. Rebecca: "Do you know how long it's been since I've had to read for anything? Season and a half off the air, and suddenly - I'm nobody again." Angel picks up some tabloids: "Not according to these." Rebecca: "According to those, I've slept with Ernest Borgnine, and I'm bulimic." Angel: "I hear Borgnine is a very skilled lover." Rebecca: "Listen to me. Poor little rich girl." Angel: "We all got problems." Rebecca: "Yeah, well, right now my problem involves getting this fright-night guy off my back long enough to win this part. I've been so distracted lately I haven't had enough time to play the game. And now I'm afraid I'm losing." Rebecca goes to answer a knock on the door while Angel looks at the tabloid. Maid: "Here you are, Ms. Lowell." Rebecca: "Thanks Maria. (Accepts a garment bag and closes the door) You're what? - a 44 long?" Angel: "Why" Rebecca: "I've got a premier tonight. (Holds out the garment bag) Can't go without my bodyguard, can I?" Cut to Angel getting out of the limousine as cameras snap and the crowd yells 'Raven.' He turns and helps Rebecca out as the crowd breaks into applause. Angel scans the crowd as Rebecca smiles for the cameras. Rebecca: "Raven. They think that I'm the character I play." As they walk up the red carpet, the camera shows a guy among the spectators with a gun stuck in the waistband of his black suit. Cut to Angel pushing open a door into an alley for Rebecca. Angel: "They're showing the movie in the alleyway." Rebecca: "Oh, no. I just come to these things for the photo-op. My driver knows to meet me out back. God, if I had to sit through everyone of these, I'm sure boredom would kill me." Angel sees the man from the crowd on the landing of stairs going up between the buildings above them pulling out his gun and pushes Rebecca to the side. Angel: "Rebecca." Angel jumps straight up onto the landing and grabs the guys gun hand, while he's firing his gun at Rebecca. Angel: "Rebecca, get down!" Angel knock the guys hand down on the railing, making him drop his gun. During the ensuing fight they roll down the stairs together. After a few more hits, Angel knocks the other guy out, then hurries over to pull Rebecca into his arms. Angel: "It's okay. I'm here. Shh. Shh." Cut to the police taking Angel's statement. Officer: "I just want to go over your statement one more time, sir. You arrived here..." Oliver comes up to Rebecca: "Rebecca, not again. Are you alright? I came as soon as I heard." Rebecca: "And when was that exactly?" Oliver: "What do you mean?" Rebecca: "I know the stalker. I've seen him." Oliver: "At your house." Rebecca: "Mmm. He's a stuntman. You used to represent him." Oliver: "Oh, I - I didn't get a good look." Rebecca: "Oh, come on, Oliver. My private phone number, how to get into my house, that I skip the movie at a premier - only you know all that." Oliver: "I never would have let you get hurt, you must believe that. - I thought the publicity might help you get the series. I did it out of love." Rebecca: "I don't - pay you to love me." Oliver: "No. That you get for free." Rebecca: "I didn't get the part, did I?" Oliver: "I was gonna tell you tonight. The network suddenly feels that you're too mature for the role. I know it may not seem that way now, but once we get a little distance between you and Raven..." Rebecca: "Oliver. The series is in syndication. She'll always be there." Oliver: "Beck..." Rebecca: "Looking younger and better and sweeter than me - forever." Oliver: "Sweetie, your life is not over at 24." Rebecca: "I'm not 24. I'm twenty..." Oliver: "Shh, shh!" Rebecca: "Raven is 22. She will always be 22." Oliver: "All right, so she'll always be 22. She's not you, and we're gonna have to face it - that nobody stays young forever." Raven looks over at Angel still talking to the cops. Angel's office, day, Angel is sitting behind his desk. Wesley: "I thought you might like to know I got the preliminary forensics report from the theater. The bullets were..." Angel: "Blanks." Wesley: "No, I'm afraid they were blanks." Angel: "The shots never connected. I went back. There were no holes in the wall, no chipped paint, nothing." Wesley: "Since when does a killer use blanks?" Angel: "When he's not a killer. When it's a fake." Wesley: "Ms. Lowell?" Angel: "I don't think she knows and I don't know how to tell her." Wesley: "Well, this is good news, isn't it?" Angel: "Depends on what's going to bother her more, being stalked, or not being stalked." Wesley: "Actresses." Angel: "Tell me about it." Cut to Cordy and Rebecca walking down a street carrying shopping bags. Rebecca: "Thanks for coming. I'm sure glad that you could find the time." Cordy laughs out loud: "Oh, you were being serious? Because big, important stars ask me out for lunch and a shopping spree like all the time - in my dreams! Ha, ha." Rebecca: "I'm just an actress. Like you." Cordy: "You're an actress. I'm someone who auditions and auditions and..." Rebecca: "That's what happens when you first start out. I'm sure you're going to make it really big." Cordy: "Yee-hee-hee! - Oh, sorry I didn't mean to squeal like that in public. Anyway thank you for calling. You must have a ton of friends you could have asked." Rebecca: "Yeah, but - none of them would know what to buy a 200 year-old vampire as a thank-you gift." Cordy: "Oh god! He's impossible to buy for. What on earth does he need? More socks?" Rebecca: "So, what's his story anyway? How did he become what he is." Cordy: "Oh, god. You got 8 hours?" Rebecca: "I got all day." Cordy: "Yee-ha-hum! Ah, I won't do that again." Cut to night, Angel's Apartment. Angel is about to leave when Rebecca comes down the stairs. Angel: "I was just coming to see you." Rebecca: "There was no one upstairs. So I just came down. I hope that's okay?" Angel: "Uh, sure. Come on in." Rebecca: "I went shopping with Cordelia to - pick out a thank-you gift for you, but what do you get the guy who has already seen everything? So I figured what's better than Dom? (Holds up a bottle of champagne) You can - I mean, you do..." Angel: "I can drink other - liquids, yeah." Rebecca: "Good. - Have you got glasses?" Angel: "Yeah. Yeah. Please - sit down." Angel goes to open the bottle and get some glasses from the kitchen, while Rebecca settles down on the sofa, looking around. Rebecca: "Wow. It's sort of what you'd expect - and (sees Angel's bed) sort of not." Angel pouring the champagne: "Well, there is no coffin." Rebecca: "You know, that hadn't even crossed my mind." Angel: "Rebecca - there is something I have to tell you. Your stalker, he's not really..." Rebecca: "Oh, - that. I already know." Angel: "You do?" Rebecca: "It turns out we share representation." Angel: "Oliver." Rebecca: "He set the whole thing up to - revive my flagging career. Didn't work. I didn't get the part." Angel: "I'm sorry." Rebecca: "Yeah." Angel hands her one of the glasses of champagne and sits down on the armrest on the other end of the sofa from her. Rebecca: "Have you ever (laughs) oh, this is so dumb. Have you ever - done that thing where you link arms and sip champagne? It's sort of a good luck thing." Angel moves off the arm of the sofa and sits beside her and they proceed to do just that. At the end Rebecca laughs and spills most of her drink on Angel's shirt. Angel grins. Rebecca: "Your shirt! I'm so..." Angel: "It's okay, it's okay. It's kind of fun. Cold - but fun. I'll - I'll be right back." Angel sets down his glass and goes to change his shirt. Rebecca takes a pouch of powder out of her purse and dumps it in Angel's glass. Rebecca: "You know the next time I try something so corny, I promise not to ruin your wardrobe in the process." She pours some more Champagne in Angel's glass and offers it to him as he comes back wearing a fresh shirt. Rebecca: "Lets try this again." Angel takes the glass and sits down next to her. Rebecca: "A toast - to the end of an ending and the beginning of a beginning." They clink glasses and drink. Cut to Cordy answering a knock on the door of her apartment. Cordy: "Oh, Wesley." Wesley: "I got your pages. What's happening?" Cordy: "I think I may have done something terrible. - I went shopping with Rebecca." Wesley: "And that was terrible." Cordy: "Huh? No! That was fantastic! You know they close of stores for her? Oh, and lunch at Mirabelle's. I had the most to-die-for veal filet with a light truffle marinade, and..." Wesley: "Cordelia." Cordy: "Sorry. Anyway the whole time Rebecca is real gabby, asking questions about Angel." Wesley: "Well, what sort of questions?" Cordy: "Oh, you know, where does Angel hail from, what's his favorite color, what kind of after-shave he wears, the exact specific details on how someone could make themselves into a vampire." Wesley: "Surely you don't think..." Cordy: "What? - That she'd try to maneuver Angel into an exchange of bodily fluids in order to make herself eternally young and beautiful, thus saving her failing career? Gee, now that you mention it."

When Rebecca, a Hollywood star, is stalked by an obsessed fan, Angel steps in to protect her. Cordy is thrilled to meet a famous actress and even Angel likes Rebecca. She accepts that he's a vampire and really seems interested in getting to know him better. But, it soon becomes clear that the case is more complicated than it seems and Rebecca has a dangerous plan of her own.

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The Sensorites By Peter R. Newman 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: RECEPTION ROOM SUSAN: So you are the senior Elder? FIRST-ELDER: Signified by the twin sash I wear. The Second Elder, my advisor wears one sash. Other important professions wear distinctive markings. IAN: And the ordinary people? FIRST-ELDER: Are contented with their similarity. IAN: Would you mind telling us something about the d... (He breaks off as he suffers a violent coughing fit.) IAN: I beg your pardon, the disease. SUSAN: Yes, could you tell us about it? We might be able to help you. FIRST-ELDER: I intended to. We need help with this calamity, the disease is invisible and resists all our attempts to stamp it out. It affects all manner of people irrespective of their caste. DOCTOR: Yes er, does it affect the Elders? FIRST-ELDER: No. DOCTOR: I wonder why not? FIRST-ELDER: I cannot imagine, we have been... Fortunate? (Ian coughs again.) DOCTOR: Yes it, er, might be a clue. But what I hoped sir, was this ah... that if my friends succeed where your Scientists fail, will you return the lock of my craft? SUSAN: It would be a just return. FIRST-ELDER: Your Granddaughter speaks well. DOCTOR: Yes, she's a fine young woman. (Ian coughs again and the Doctor turns.) DOCTOR: My dear Chesterton, are you alright, mm? (He can only manage a hoarse rasp.) IAN: My throat's burning, I wonder if you could give me some water, Doctor? DOCTOR: Is this a symptom of your disease? (The First Elder nods. Suddenly Ian jumps up making a gurgling sound, knocks the small table to the side and sprawls to the floor. Susan rushes to his side.) SUSAN: Grandfather, he's unconscious! (The First Elder looks down at Ian sadly.) FIRST-ELDER: There is no hope. Your friend is dying. DOCTOR: Why has it happened to him and not to us? SUSAN: Can you do anything for him? (The First Elder seems genuinely distraught at his guest's fate.) FIRST-ELDER: The disease hits all manner of people; suddenly, without warning. DOCTOR: Never the Elders? FIRST-ELDER: No. DOCTOR: It's incredible! The build up in body temperature. This disease as you call it - is it contagious? FIRST-ELDER: No. DOCTOR: I wonder... Is it a germ in the air? SUSAN: Grandfather it doesn't seem like a disease at all. DOCTOR: I agree with you. SUSAN: We've done everything together. I-we've come from the spaceship together, we've gone through the city together. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. SUSAN: ...This room. (She looks around nervously.) DOCTOR: Yes. SUSAN: The fruit? DOCTOR: No. No-no-no-no, no. You had some of it. I know, he drank the different kind of water. It's the water! FIRST-ELDER: Then why do not all who drink the aqueduct water die? DOCTOR: Well it depends on their resistance, in time of course all will succumb. FIRST-ELDER: You cannot be sure of this! DOCTOR: No I can't, this is all we have to go on. Send for your servant please. (The whistling starts again First Elder uses his TAD to call for assistance.) SUSAN: His eyes are opening Grandfather. (Ian tries to raise his head.) IAN: Susan... DOCTOR: It's alright Chesterton, rest quietly. This isn't a disease, it's more like poison... (He turns to a worker who has just arrived.) DOCTOR: Oh go to your Scientist, now I want some sodium chloride and I want it quickly! IAN: What happened to me? SUSAN: Hush Ian, just rest. FIRST-ELDER: Do you wish your companion to stay here? DOCTOR: Please, please. FIRST-ELDER: Bring some covers. (The Worker Sensorite bows and leaves.) DOCTOR: Now sir, your indulgence. FIRST-ELDER: Ah, I am distressed by this tragedy, what can I do to be of assistance? DOCTOR: Well, we must make sure that no-one drinks anything but the crystal water. FIRST-ELDER: Agreed. DOCTOR: Fine, and can I work with your Scientists? FIRST-ELDER: They will be honoured. DOCTOR: Splendid, splendid. SUSAN: How long has he got? FIRST-ELDER: I hear the distress in you mind, I respond to it. I wish I could be more reassuring. SUSAN: How long?! FIRST-ELDER: From the first symptoms no-one has lived longer than the third day? DOCTOR: As long as that? Then we have time. (He turns to the First Elder.) DOCTOR: I have chemicals and equipment on my ship. Return my lock and I promise you sir that I will not only cure my young friend, but all your people. (A Sensorite steps forward with a tray containing a bowl of salt, the Doctor dips in his finger and tastes it.) DOCTOR: Ah, good. FIRST-ELDER: I must discuss this matter... DOCTOR: Mm. FIRST-ELDER: With the Second Elder. DOCTOR: But do not delay any longer than is necessary please, thank you. (The First Elder exits.) DOCTOR: Now, salt and water, Susan. An old fashioned remedy but I'm sure it will serve. (He tips the salt into a beaker of crystal water that Susan holds up, she then stirs it.) DOCTOR: Thank you. (He moves down to where Ian is lying.) DOCTOR: Now my boy... SUSAN: Ian? DOCTOR: Mm. SUSAN: Ian, try and sit up. DOCTOR: Come along old chap. IAN: Oh...feeling very weak Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, now I want you to drink all of this, it isn't going to be very pleasant, but it's all for your own good. IAN: Drink. DOCTOR: That's it. (As Ian gags and splutters on the saltwater, the Doctor moves to one side, deep in thought.) DOCTOR: Will they let me into my ship? [SCENE_BREAK] 2, EXT: ROOF TERRACE SECOND-ELDER: Be guided by me in this matter. The one they call the Doctor may not be sincere. FIRST-ELDER: But his friend is dying. SECOND-ELDER: Or pretending to die. Then you let the Doctor into his spaceship. FIRST-ELDER: But would he leave his friends at our mercy? SECOND-ELDER: But who knows what power has in this ship? Once inside it we may be at his mercy. FIRST-ELDER: Well I believe in them. SECOND-ELDER: The Doctor may go away to bring an army of human beings and a fleet of spaceships! FIRST-ELDER: This is a terrible picture you paint. Do you mistrust them as much as all that? SECOND-ELDER: I do not trust them as much as you. So I advise caution. FIRST-ELDER: I will think of your advice, and weigh up the matter. [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: LABORATORY (The laboratory is a large wide space full of benches groaning under the weight of bottles containing strange bubbling liquids, and alien equipment. To one side John lies on a black couch looking like a dazed lab rat, on his head is a strange device seemingly constructed from wires and valves. A Scientist walks over to him with a bottle, and paints a little liquid onto the headset. He hastily bows as the Administrator walks in.) SCIENTIST: How can I help the city Administrator? ADMINISTRATOR: Why is this creature here? SCIENTIST: We are clearing his mind. ADMINISTRATOR: On whose orders? SCIENTIST: The First Elder. (The Second Elder walks in.) ADMINISTRATOR: It would have been better to kill him than cure him, Scientist. SECOND-ELDER: Leave us. (The Scientist bows and leaves.) SECOND-ELDER: Once again you question the voice of authority. ADMINISTRATOR: Sir, the Elders rule this planet while I am only responsible for this city. Yet I will do everything within my power to protect and defend that city. SECOND-ELDER: Be careful that power is not taken from you. ADMINISTRATOR: These intruders threaten us all! This creature is being cured! SECOND-ELDER: Yes. We fulfill a promise. ADMINISTRATOR: But any moment you will put them in their ship and let them go. This is madness! SECOND-ELDER: One more insolent word from you and I shall ask that your collar of office be taken from you. This man is to be cured, as for the other one... ADMINISTRATOR: Which other one? SECOND-ELDER: The one known as Ian Chesterton. ADMINISTRATOR: These absurd names they all have! None of them wear any signs of authority or badges of position. How are we to distinguish them? What is wrong with him? SECOND-ELDER: He has caught the disease. Their commander, the Doctor, believes our water supply is to blame. ADMINISTRATOR: What a brilliant scheme. Evil, but undoubtedly brilliant. (John looks towards the Administrator.) SECOND-ELDER: Explain. ADMINISTRATOR: To attack our confidence in one of the necessities. There is nothing wrong with the water supply, nothing at all. This is a trick to get us at their mercy! (John is still staring at the Administrator.) JOHN: Evil! Evil! ADMINISTRATOR: You see? Even this half-broken creature here admits the truth! SECOND-ELDER: I must warn the First Elder. (He leaves.) JOHN: No...no! Evil is here! (The Administrator walks around John and stoops.) ADMINISTRATOR: He cannot hear you. Your mind is closed by the machine, your voice is not believed. JOHN: You are my enemy. ADMINISTRATOR: I am the enemy of all the Earth creatures, and any Sensorite who defends them shall be swept away. JOHN: I must warn them of your evil. I must...I must... ADMINISTRATOR: Your brain is too weak to harm me. (Carol walks in and moves to John's side.) RICHMOND: How's John? (She looks at the Administrator a little closer.) RICHMOND: Oh I am sorry, I thought you were one of the Scientists. ADMINISTRATOR: You can see my collar of office! I am the city Administrator! RICHMOND: Yes I'm sorry, but when your backs are turned it's very difficult to see. I don't know what we'd all do if you changed your badges and sashes. We wouldn't be able to tell you apart. ADMINISTRATOR: I have never thought of that. (He tiptoes out of the room.) RICHMOND: John? [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: RECEPTION ROOM DOCTOR: But he will DIE! (The First Elder cowers.) FIRST-ELDER: The noise! I beg of you! SUSAN: But why can't you make up your mind? DOCTOR: Just look at that young man. I've done all I can for him at the moment, given him salt and water - he's been coughing his heart out. I must have chemicals and equipment! His death will be your fault and yours alone. FIRST-ELDER: Very well, I... SECOND-ELDER: Sir? (They press their TADs to their heads with a whistling tone.) DOCTOR: What is it now? SUSAN: I can't hear very clearly, their minds aren't open to me. DOCTOR: Do you really mean that you can hear their minds talking, Susan? SUSAN: Yes, but it's not very distinct. FIRST-ELDER: Doctor, I cannot allow you to go to your ship. (The Doctor struts proudly towards the First Elder.) DOCTOR: Don't set yourself against me. FIRST-ELDER: There is a laboratory here. You may prove your poisoned water theory there, or not at all. DOCTOR: You FOOL! (The Sensorites clutch at their heads.) SUSAN: Grandfather, please! They think you're attacking them. (She divides her attention between the Doctor and the First Elder.) SUSAN: We're sorry, there's so much about your planet we don't understand. (The Doctor protests again silently, but with no less force.) DOCTOR: That's inhuman! SUSAN: Grandfather! DOCTOR: That's monstrous! SUSAN: We didn't mean to use sound as a weapon. We didn't even know sound hurt you. FIRST-ELDER: Very well; but please be careful in future. I wish to see regular reports on the progress of this theory. (The First Elder leaves.) DOCTOR: Theory?! SUSAN: Grandfather, please! DOCTOR: I know we have no alternative, but such outrageous behaviour! (The Second Elder cowers again and Susan rubs her head as if she were feeling his pain.) DOCTOR: Oh forget it, child. (He moves to where Ian is lying.) DOCTOR: Now I want you to stay here and act as nurse. Watch his pulse rate will you and I want you to let me know immediately... IAN: Doctor... What happened to me? DOCTOR: How are you feeling? IAN: My throat's still sore. DOCTOR: Any pains elsewhere? IAN: No, but I feel very giddy. DOCTOR: Yes, well you just rest there quietly. (He pats Ian on the shoulder and walks away a little.) DOCTOR: Yes, we'll let him have all the crystal water he wants, and if his breathing gets feeble artificial respiration. SUSAN: Yes. DOCTOR: Now sir, your laboratory. And I only hope there's time to save him! (The Second Elder bows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5, EXT: ROOF TERRACE ENGINEER: The Second Elder has given the firing key to the Chief of warriors, I saw him. ADMINISTRATOR: Then the disintegrator is no longer of any use to us. How can we destroy these creat... ENGINEER: Shhh. (The Administrator and the Engineer bow as the First Elder walks over.) FIRST-ELDER: I have placed our laboratory at the disposal of the Doctor. See to it that he is given every cooperation. ADMINISTRATOR: Yes sir. (The First Elder departs.) ADMINISTRATOR: More weakness. These creatures are defeating us with smiles and gentle words; our leaders listen and agree. Soon we shall all be slaves. ENGINEER: What shall we do? ADMINISTRATOR: Bring the Second Elder to me, alone. The girl Carol gave me an idea. How would you recognise the Second Elder at a distance? ENGINEER: By the sash he wears. ADMINISTRATOR: Bring the Second Elder to me at the disintegrator room. ENGINEER: Yes. ADMINISTRATOR: We must match cunning with cunning. [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: LABORATORY DOCTOR: Yes, really that was er, fairly comprehensive. Now gentlemen, time is not on our side. I believe your people have been dying because there is atropine poison in the aqueduct water. Now, allow me, I've made a few notes here which might interest you. (He places his spectacles upon his nose and reads.) DOCTOR: Now this is the, this is the symptoms. Atropine causes dilation of the blood vessels, temperature rises and pulse rate becomes very rapid. A rash may appear, the mouth and throat both become extremely dry. Now what we have to do with this gentleman; isolate the poison and then prescribe the remedy. SCIENTIST: We give you our assistance. DOCTOR: Good, good. SCIENTIST: Though we have tested the water already. DOCTOR: Yes, well then we must try again. SCIENTIST: Over here is a sample of the aqueduct water. DOCTOR: Ah...yes. You know, the strange thing here is that not all your people died. SCIENTIST: Three in every ten. Last year it was two in every ten. DOCTOR: Yes of course, some may be able to resist it, or perhaps some of the water is good. SCIENTIST: But all the water is the same. DOCTOR: Yes, but surely from different outlets? SCIENTIST: There are ten districts in this city, but only one source. DOCTOR: Well gentlemen, it's a poison at work here, I know the signs. Now what you must do is to test samples from each and every district. Where did that come from? SCIENTIST: This Palace, it is district ten. DOCTOR: I see, well now I suggest that you... You-you sample that bottle and mark it and then start keeping records. And there's not a moment to lose, and remember - I want samples from all the outlying districts. It's imperative! [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (Susan mops Ian's brow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: LABORATORY (The Doctor works in the laboratory testing phials of water.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (The First Elder reads through a progress report.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: LABORATORY The Scientist prepares a piece of paper listing all ten districts, then writes "Negative" next to district one.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (Susan tries to keep Ian from hurting himself as he writhes feverishly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: LABORATORY (The Doctor replaces a phial of water from district four onto a full rack.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: LABORATORY (The Scientist has got down to the sixth district, and writes another "Negative".) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (The First Elder is watching Susan and Ian when a subordinate brings his a piece of paper. Having read the report he shakes his head sadly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: LABORATORY (The Doctor selects and tests phial eight.) DOCTOR: This one, I've found it! Yes, and just as I suspected - atropine poison. That's why your people have been dying off! (He smiles at the Sensorite brandishing phials of poisoned water.) SCIENTIST: But why were some of the districts negative? DOCTOR: Because it varies from place to place, and when you made your tests you didn't discover it. [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: RECEPTION ROOM FIRST-ELDER: And can the Doctor discover a cure? SECOND-ELDER: He says so. Caffeine citrate is the antidote. FIRST-ELDER: Remarkable man, remarkable! SECOND-ELDER: I have an appointment, then I shall return to the laboratory. FIRST-ELDER: Give my Doctor the congratulations on the progress. (The Second Elder exits and the First turns to Susan who is still tending to Ian.) SUSAN: He's much easier now. FIRST-ELDER: The Doctor has had some success, a remedy will be available soon. SUSAN: Oh thank goodness! Ian? Ian, you're going to be alright. [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: DISINTEGRATOR ROOM ADMINISTRATOR: They are coming now! SECOND-ELDER: Why are we meeting here? ADMINISTRATOR: Hold him! (The Engineer and a second Sensorite grab the Second Elder.) SECOND-ELDER: You will be punished for this offence! ADMINISTRATOR: I advise you to answer my questions. Your family group is also in my power. SECOND-ELDER: Wha-what have you done with them? ADMINISTRATOR: Nothing so far. Has the Doctor completed his experiments? SECOND-ELDER: Yes. ADMINISTRATOR: And the antidote is to be given to the young man, Ian? SECOND-ELDER: Yes. ADMINISTRATOR: And then to our people who are also ill? SECOND-ELDER: Yes. ADMINISTRATOR: I do not believe there is an antidote. The young man pretends to be ill, the Doctor pretends to cure him. And then he will kill us all with the poison he has made. SECOND-ELDER: That's not true! Our scientists have worked with him, they say that... ADMINISTRATOR: Silence! You are a traitor to our people. (He pulls off the Second Elder's sash.) ADMINISTRATOR: You are not worthy to wear this. SECOND-ELDER: Oh What...what are you going to do? (The Administrator pulls off his collar and slips on the sash.) ADMINISTRATOR: This so-called antidote must be stopped. The people will obey their Elders. SECOND-ELDER: The First Elder has approved the antidote! ADMINISTRATOR: And yet it will be stopped. The Second Elder will suppress it! SECOND-ELDER: I will not! ADMINISTRATOR: I wear your sash of office. Who is to know that I am not the Second Elder now? Bind him! Keep him here. (He strolls away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18, INT: LABORATORY RICHMOND: You're tired out Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, but a happy tiredness, my dear. How's our friend, mm? RICHMOND: Oh he's improving, but he still seems to go back sometimes to that old state of confusion. DOCTOR: Yes, you must expect that. Ah, my friend. You've prepared the antidote? SCIENTIST: Yes sir. (He holds up a tiny bottle of fluid.) DOCTOR: Splendid. Now I think we ought to start making this in large quantities. Will you please see that that goes to the First Elder's room? Give it to my Granddaughter Susan SCIENTIST: I'll send a messenger immediately. DOCTOR: Yes well, now we shall soon be off this planet. RICHMOND: When John's cured. There's no quick antidote for him. DOCTOR: Oh courage my dear, courage. Of course I'm rather baffled with this atropine poison because it only seems to appear in one part of the city, or rather one reservoir at a time. Curious. RICHMOND: Yes but you've discovered an antidote now. DOCTOR: Oh yes, that's a cure alright. But then why cure something when we can stamp it out, mm? JOHN: Enemy... DOCTOR: Mm, what's that my friend? JOHN: Plotting. RICHMOND: He's more coherent now. But it's as if he was living in a dream world where he's surrounded by enemies. JOHN: Enemies, yes. Making plots! DOCTOR: I don't know. He might be more lucid you know, than one should imagine. Now I'm going off on an expedition, and I want you to take note of what he says. JOHN: Listen to John! DOCTOR: You see, he knows his name. Now you stay with him, I think he's getting better, and I'm sure you're going to have a great future between you later on. Now after my little exploration... RICHMOND: Where are you going Doctor? DOCTOR: I'm going to find the ah, the First er, Elder...er, Scientist rather. And we're going off on an exploration, which isn't dangerous of course... But when I have solved my problem, I'm sure we shall all be out of trouble! [SCENE_BREAK] 19, EXT: ROOF TERRACE ENGINEER: Supposing your disguise is seen through? ADMINISTRATOR: You must remember that the First and Second Elders are well known, only to those in powerful positions. The people see them rarely, and mostly at a distance. (The Scientist walks past the Administrator and notices the Second Elder's sash.) SCIENTIST: I greet the Second Elder. ADMINISTRATOR: I return your greetings Scientist. (The Scientist continues on his way.) ENGINEER: Success! ADMINISTRATOR: Yes. (The Administrator gets up.) ADMINISTRATOR: Scientist, come here. (The scientist wanders back.) ADMINISTRATOR: Where are you going? SCIENTIST: The man from the spaceship, the Doctor, has found a cure... Poison within our water supply - here is the antidote. ADMINISTRATOR: You take it to the young Earth creature who is ill? SCIENTIST: Yes. ADMINISTRATOR: Give it to me, I will deliver it. Return to your laboratory. (The Scientist gives the tiny bottle to the Administrator, bows and exits.) ENGINEER: If this Doctor has found a cure... ADMINISTRATOR: It is a trick! They are trying to poison us all, I will prove it to you. They say without the antidote the young man will die - I say he will live because he is pretending. (He throws the bottle to the floor and it shatters into a million fragments on the flagstones.) ADMINISTRATOR: This will prove it one way or the other. [SCENE_BREAK] 20, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (Susan sits beside Ian who has regained consciousness, but is still painfully ill. The First Elder is keeping them company.) SUSAN: Why hasn't the antidote arrived yet? FIRST ELDER: I do not know. IAN: The Doctor must have run into a snag, Susan It's not always possible to do these things at the snap of a finger. SUSAN: Well I'm going to find out why. May I do that? FIRST ELDER: Yes. I will have you conducted to the laboratory. Go with this servant, and give my respects to the senior Scientist. (Susan walks out with a worker Sensorite.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21, INT: AQUEDUCT ENTRANCE (The Scientist leads the Doctor to the mouth of a dark tunnel that seems to have been hewn directly into the yellow rock the Sensorite city is built upon. Four large old pipes that don't seem to have seen maintenance in decades clank and gurgle to themselves, water rushing through them to feed the different areas of district ten. Nourished from leaks in the pipes, dubious looking slicks of detritus grow clumps of tough-looking weeds.) SCIENTIST: Here is the entrance to the aqueduct. (The Doctor glances around the grimy area in disdain.) DOCTOR: Hmph, it's very gloomy. SCIENTIST: All our attempts to light it end in failure, for one reason or another. DOCTOR: But that must make it very difficult for you. The Sensorites dislike darkness don't they? SCIENTIST: We avoid this place. We have no reason to go down to the aqueduct anyway. DOCTOR: Well, it may be because you've neglected it that the water's become poisoned. SCIENTIST: Shall we return now? DOCTOR: Mm, return? I don't want to return. I haven't come here just for a look, I'm going in there! SCIENTIST: You must not. DOCTOR: And why? SCIENTIST: You will not be able to see. DOCTOR: Oh, ho-ho, but I have a torch. (He brandishes a small torch as if it were a protective talisman.) SCIENTIST: There are monsters in there. DOCTOR: Indeed, are there? SCIENTIST: Yes, we've heard them. DOCTOR: And not seen them? SCIENTIST: No, but they are there, the noise is terrifying. DOCTOR: Yes, I think that you should return to the laboratory, I shall be alright. Leave it to me will you? I assure you. (The Scientist bows and leaves.) DOCTOR: How very convenient, yes. Noise and darkness - the two things the Sensorites dislike. There's more in this than meets the eye. Hah, yes! (He walks towards the tunnel and gets swallowed up by the darkness.) DOCTOR: Hm-hm! Hm-hmph! [SCENE_BREAK] 22, INT: RECEPTION ROOM FIRST-ELDER: But I do not understand why the Second Elder did not bring the antidote here. SUSAN: Well I managed to get some more, that's all that really matters. (She replaces a hypodermic on a tray that the worker Sensorite is holding.) SUSAN: Thank you. (The Sensorite bows and leaves.) SUSAN: Now no running around for a bit Ian. IAN: Yes Matron. Actually I'm quite happy to stay here. I feel as though someone had given me a good going over with a hammer. (The Scientist enters and wanders over to the First Elder.) SCIENTIST: I attend you sir. FIRST-ELDER: My orders have not been complied with. I asked for regular reports. Where have you been? SCIENTIST: Forgive me sir, the Doctor asked me to take him to the aqueduct. FIRST-ELDER: Why? SCIENTIST: He said that that was where the root of the trouble lay. I couldn't stop him, he send me away and said he was going in. FIRST-ELDER: Did you not warn him? SCIENTIST: Yes, but he took no notice. IAN: Warn him of what? FIRST-ELDER: The aqueduct, it's inhabited by monsters! SUSAN: What? IAN: What? Well why did you let him go down there? SCIENTIST: I couldn't stop him. IAN: Well we must get him out! Haven't you got someone you can send down there to help him? FIRST-ELDER: The caverns are dark, we are helpless. SUSAN: Well take some light with you then! FIRST-ELDER: Other expeditions have tried and failed. Most of our men do not return, and those that do speak of...terrible things. IAN: Well, I'll have to go myself. SUSAN: Oh no you won't! IAN: Well we can't stay here, Susan! SUSAN: You're too ill Ian. IAN: I'm not that ill. SUSAN: Alright. We'll need someone to show us the way. FIRST-ELDER: I-I beg you to change your mind. You cannot save your friend. IAN: We'll never know 'til we try, will we? (The Scientist leads them away.) FIRST-ELDER: These people have fine qualities. The second Elder and I have misjudged them; and I will tell him so. (He raises his TAD to his forehead.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23, INT: DISINTEGRATOR ROOM (The Second Elder looks up as a whistling tone is felt in the room.) SECOND-ELDER: I hear you sir, I hear you. ADMINISTRATOR: Someone's mind is in communication with yours? Whose is it, the First Elder? SECOND-ELDER: Give me the mind transmitter. ADMINISTRATOR: Do you think I'm a fool? You can hear, but you cannot speak your mind without this! (He brandishes the TAD.) ADMINISTRATOR: What is he saying to you? SECOND-ELDER: I refuse to tell you. ADMINISTRATOR: Think of your family group! It's safety depends upon you. SECOND-ELDER: It is the First Elder, he says we have misjudged the human beings from Earth. He's saying that the one called the Doctor has gone down into the viaduct, that the young man and girl called Susan have gone to rescue him. He is asking why I don't reply. ADMINISTRATOR: No-one...no-one can come out of the aqueduct alive. The one that is known as the Doctor is near death, the other two approach death. I see victory for all my plans! [SCENE_BREAK] 24, INT: AQUEDUCT ENTRANCE IAN: Is this it? SCIENTIST: Yes, take this. It's a radio-electric light. (Susan take the torch.) SUSAN: Thank you. Ian, how do you feel? If you don't want to go any further just say. IAN: No, I'm-I'm fine. Come on. (They walk through the curtain of darkness.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25, INT: AQUEDUCT (The Doctor walks along the tunnel the light casting a slim pool of light in the all encompassing inky blackness.) DOCTOR: Is it? (He stoops to examine the base of one of the pipes and pulls out a tiny growth, examining it under a magnifying glass.) DOCTOR: Yes, I thought so. Atropa Belladonna - Deadly Nightshade! (He looks up in shock as he hears a bellowing roar somewhere close.)

The Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Susan arrive in the TARDIS on board aspaceship. Their initial concern is for the ship's human crew, who are suffering from telepathic interference from the Sensorites, but Susan communicates with the Sensorites and finds the aliens fear an attack by the humans and are just defending themselves. Travelling to the Sense Sphere (the Sensorites' planet) the Doctor seeks to cure an illness to which the Sensorites and Ian have succumbed, but finds it has been caused by deliberate poisoning. The political manoeuvring of the Sensorite City Administrator poses another threat to the TARDIS crew as he seeks to discredit and implicate them.

fd_FRIENDS_07x09

fd_FRIENDS_07x09_0

[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there also.] Ben: (on the bike) I'm ready! Ross: You sure? Ben: Uh-huh! Chandler: Okay, let me just straighten out your helmet there. (Does so.) Ben: (To Chandler) Thanks daddy. Ross: No-no, one daddy, two mommies. All right, it's all yours. (Ross pushes him off.) Chandler: Okay. Okay. Ross: Yes! Yes! Yes!! (Everyone stands and claps.) Phoebe: His first big kid's bike, this is so exciting! Monica: Oh yeah, I remember mine! Ohh, it was my sixth birthday, my dad took me to the park, I got it, and...it bent. Ross: Yeah. Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own. Ross: (shocked) What?! Phoebe: Well, we didn't have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell and this big, white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on. Chandler: That sounds like my first bike. (They all turn and look at him.) My dad gave me his old one. Ross: Ohh. Monica: Did the girl ever let you ride it? Phoebe: No! But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. (They're all speechless) So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the backyard. Ross: That is so unfair! Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too! (They all nod, "Oh.") Opening Credits [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is cooking, Joey is eating, and Chandler is entering from the bedroom.] Chandler: Hey! What are you guys doing? Joey: Hey. Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors. Chandler: I'm sorry, who? Monica: I'm gonna hang this basket (Points to the one sitting on the table) on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece. Chandler: But we don't know the neighbors. Joey: I do. There's uh, let's see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids I've Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty. Monica: See? This is exactly why I'm making this candy. We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors. Chandler: Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved? Rachel: (entering, happily) Gooood morning!! Chandler: Eh, somebody's in a good mood! Rachel: Well, why shouldn't I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job! Monica: Where you can make out with your assistant. Rachel: Come on, it's not a big deal! We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so that us dating will not be a problem. Monica: Oh yeah, what's the plan? Rachel: (pauses as she thinks and exhales loudly) We... We are not... ...going to let it... be a problem. Monica: Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan?! Rachel: Well y'know, we did other stuff too. (Joey and Chandler start to giggle.) Monica: Did you two... Rachel: Oh Monica come on, y'know I don't sleep with guys on the first date! Monica: Matt Guire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wire... Rachel: Anymore!! Monica: Okay. [Scene: Rachel's Office, she's at her desk while the mailman delivers her mail and calls Tag in.] Rachel: Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct? Tag: Yes, at 4:00. Rachel: Okay, thank you. That'll be all. (The mail guy leaves and Tag starts to follow, but Rachel stops him.) (Excitedly) Wait! Wait! (Rushes over and closes the office-door.) Did you see that? That mail guy had no idea there was something going on between us. (They kiss.) Tag: I'd better get back to my desk. Rachel: Okay, you hard worker! I'll remember to put that in your evaluation. Tag: My what? Rachel: Well, you've been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But y'know, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. (She turns around and sweeps the stuff off of her desk and hops up onto it.) Tag: Are you serious? Rachel: No, I've just always wanted to do that. Can you help me clean this up? [Scene: The Hallway, Monica and Chandler are returning and Monica finds her basket is empty.] Monica: The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy! Chandler: Well, either that or uh...(Motions towards Joey's door.) Monica: Joey!! (She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.) Joey: Yeah? Monica: Did you eat all the neighbor candy?! Joey: Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left! Phoebe: Yeah, and they've been coming by all day. They love it! Monica: They love my candy? Oh man!!! I've gotta go make more!! (Starts to do so.) Joey: Hey Mon, you might wanna make some more lasagna too, because something might've happened to a huge chunk of it. (Ross enters.) Monica: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!! Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!! (Monica runs to make more candy.) Pheebs, you uh, you got a second. Phoebe: Sure! Ross: Yeah, ever since you uh, told me that story about that bike I-I couldn't stop thinking about it. I mean, everyone should have a-a first bike, so... (He goes out into the hall and re-enters with a bike exactly like the one Phoebe described earlier.) Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God Ross!! Ross: You like it? Phoebe: I love it!! Ross: Yeah? Phoebe: Ohh!! Ohh!! And I love you! Ross: Ahh. Phoebe: Not that way! But the bike brought you a lot closer! Ross: Ah! (She hugs him.) Well uh-uh, t-take it downstairs, y'know give it a test ride. Phoebe: Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten. Ross: (stunned at the compliment) You're welcome. Phoebe: (starts to leave, but stops) Oh and Chandler's about to cry. Chandler: (about to cry) Am not! [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the middle of the night, there is someone knocking on the door and Monica and Chandler get up to answer it.] Monica: (turning a light on) Who is that?! Chandler: Don't worry, I'm brave! I am brave! I...I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please? The Knocker: My name is Gary, I live upstairs. (Monica opens the door.) Gary: Hi! Monica: Hi. Do you know what time it is? Gary: It's candy time! My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven. Monica: Oh please! (To Chandler) Did you hear that? Little drops of heaven. Chandler: (laughs) 4:00 A.M. Gary: So, can I get some candy? Chandler: I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work! (Monica looks at him) (To Monica) He does not know that I am not some of us. Monica: Umm, listen I am sorry, but I'll put some out first thing in the morning. Gary: Well okay, I'll swing by later. Do you live in this building? Monica: Um-hmm. Gary: (looking at Monica.) Mm! Seems like I would've remembered you! Chandler: Mm! Night Gar'! (Monica closes the door.) [Scene: Rachel's Office, she's slinking out to where Tag works and checks to make sure no one is coming.] Rachel: (hugging him) So did you read your evaluation yet? Tag: No! It was marked confidential, I just sent it down to Human Resources. Rachel: (worried) Okay please, you're kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you! Tag: A joke they would appreciate? Rachel: I'm thinkin' no. Tag: What did you say?! Rachel: Umm, I said I thought you were a good kisser, and uh, and that I like your tiney-tiny tushie. Tag: No, not my tushie. Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch. [Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Ross, and Chandler are watching Phoebe polish the daisies on her bike outside.] Monica: Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried. Joey: Almost cried huh? Hear that Chandler? Almost cried! Chandler: Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic! Joey: (about to cry) Those two only had each other! Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike huh? Monica: Oh yeah! I saw her walkin' it down the street the other day. She had uh, these flowers in the basket. It was so cute. Joey: Yeah, I saw her this morning walkin' it by the park. Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times? [Cut to outside, they're going to talk to Phoebe about walking the bike.] Joey: Hey Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh hi! Chandler: Hey! So are you enjoying the bike? Phoebe: Ohh, uh-huh so much! Ross: Pheebs you uh...you do know how to ride a bike don't you? Phoebe: Of course! Monica: Umm, can we see you ride it? Phoebe: Okay. (The gang is giggles then as Phoebe gets the bike out of the rack, gets on, pushes off, rolls a few feet, and falls over.) See? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is making candy while Chandler and Rachel are taste-testing and Joey is on the couch doodling.] Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And there is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing! Chandler: (with his mouth full) What happened? I'm just eating candy. Rachel: Maybe it's not as bad as I think. Y'know, maybe they didn't take it the way I meant it. Chandler: Absolutely! Y'know, because tushie can mean both ass and good worker. Rachel: Ugh, I just gotta get the thing back! Joey: Hey Rach? Rachel: Yeah? Joey: That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this? (He shows her what he's been drawing.) Rachel: Oh my God! Joey! Chandler: What is the matter with you? Rachel: Ugh! Joey: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford p0rn. (There is a knock on the door and Monica answers it. There is a woman standing there.) The Woman: Hi! I'm sorry, I know it's after hours but I really need candy. Monica: I'm sorry, I can't help you. See? (Points to her new sign.) Rules are rules. The Woman: Please! I have people coming from out of town today! And, I told them all about your candy! Monica: No kidding, out of towners huh? What did you tell 'em? The Woman: I told 'em your candy is absolutely indescribable! Monica: Some people have been saying its y'know little drops of heaven, but whatever. The Woman: Please, can't you help me out? Joey: (watching the discussion) Hey Chandler, do we know that lady? Chandler: Maybe, isn't she the woman who lives below you and has s*x really loud? Monica: (still talking to the woman) All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody! The Woman: (exasperatedly) Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me! Joey and Chandler: Yeah, that's her. The Woman: (after Monica gives her the candy) Thank you. Monica: (closing the door) It's unbelievable! I-I can't believe that sign didn't work! Chandler: Y'know what would work? Monica: Hmm? Chandler: Stop making candy! Monica: But they like it! Chandler: You mean they like you. Monica: Maybe. Chandler: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you? Monica: Oh, you really want to talk about getting people to like you huh, funny man? (Joey laughs but stops when Chandler turns to glare at him.) [Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Phoebe how to ride her bike.] Ross: Okay, now just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine. Okay? Here we go. Ready...Set... Phoebe: (hopping off the bike) Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seat-or a beanbag chair! Ross: Phoebe, you can't get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike! Phoebe: Why? Why do I have to learn? Ross: Well...In-in case of emergency. Phoebe: What kind of an emergency? Ross: Well let there-what if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says, "You ride this bike or I'll sh...I'll shoot you." Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star. Ross: Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike and-Hey! I'll hold you up and-and push you. Okay? Phoebe: You won't let go? Ross: No! Phoebe: Swear?! Ross: I swear! Phoebe: (thinks it over) Okay. Ross: Come on. (She gets on the bike.) All right, here we go. All right? (They start.) Phoebe: All right. Ross: All right. Feel good? Phoebe: Well... Ross: All right, try pedaling. Phoebe: Okay. (Does so.) Ross: That's it, your doing great. Phoebe: Okay. Ross: Doing great! Yes-yes-yes! Take control! Yes! Phoebe: Weee!!! (Ross pushes her and lets go.) Ross: Yes!! Yes!!! (He starts clapping and Phoebe turns around to look at him and falls off the bike.) Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh no!! You swore! Ross: I-I just thought you were doing so well. I... Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked!! (She storms off leaving Ross to defend himself from the angry looks from onlookers.) Ross: It's a legitimate learning technique. (Looking around and seeing the woman behind him glaring at him.) Wow! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is making candy like mad as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey, there's uh, some people outside, askin' about candy. Monica: Well, they're just gonna have to wait aren't they? I've only got two hands!! Ross: Need some help? Monica: No! You don't know the system! There'll be nobody messing with the system! Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. (She glares at him and he quickly makes his way to Phoebe's room.) [Cut to Phoebe's room, Phoebe has put her helmet on one of her teddy bears and is playing around with it. Ross knocks and pokes his head in the door.] Phoebe: (seeing him) Oh, hello liar. Ross: (entering) Look, I-I'm really sorry I let go of the bike. Phoebe: I could've been killed I hope you know! Ross: I know. I know. But, can we please try it again? Huh? I mean, you were so close Phoebe! Phoebe: Well, I would love to but...the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects. (Ross just happens to have his hand on a sheet that is covering something that suspiciously looks like a bike.) Ross: Phoebe. Phoebe: What?! (Ross rings the bell.) What the hell?! Ross: All right, y'know what? If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike then I'm sorry, I'm just gonna have to take it back. Phoebe: What?! Why?! Ross: Because! Because, it-it-it's... It'd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you don't ride it you-you're-you're killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying. Phoebe: All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay. Ross: Great! Great! (He runs to the door.) You're making the bike very happy. Phoebe: (sarcastically) Okay Ross! (Ross exits and she says quietly to the bike) Please don't die! [Scene: Rachel's office, Tag and her are planning how to get the review back.] Rachel: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but we're gonna have to get into Mr. Zelner's office. Now, he doesn't get in until 10, so he's no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk. Tag: That's kinda sad. Rachel: Yeah, well Betty is kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office. Tag: Got it! Rachel: Let's roll! (They start towards the door but are stopped when Mr. Zelner enters.) Mr. Zelner: Hello Rachel, you uh, got a minute? Rachel: (worried and shocked) Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anything-minute. Okay. Fine. (To Tag) Abort the plan, abort the plan. (She start to usher Tag out.) Mr. Zelner: Uh actually, I'd like to speak with both of you. Rachel: Okay. Uh, well can we, can we get you anything Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates? (Holds up the box.) Mr. Zelner: Umm, no. Thanks, but I'll give these to Betty. (Rachel glances at Tag to say, "See?") So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two? Rachel: (laughs) Oh my God. Can you imagine if there was?! I mean, (getting serious) what would happen exactly. Mr. Zelner: Well, I'd be forced to file a report. I'd have to consult with the legal department, and your future at the company would be in jeopardy. Rachel: Well... Tag: (interrupting) Uh Mr. Zelner, I'm the one who filled in that evaluation. Rachel: Oh no-no-no... Tag: (interrupting again) Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, I thought it would be funny. Mr. Zelner: You wrote that you have a cute tushie? Tag: (pause) Yes. I have a weird sense of humor, and I'm kinda strangely proud of my butt. Mr. Zelner: It's kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I can't figure out what this is? Rachel: You're lookin' at it upside down-y'know what? (Grabs the evaluation and throws it out.) It doesn't matter. Mr. Zelner: Yeah, it's not like I don't have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But there's a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? (They both nod no.) No? Okay, well uh, you've (Grabs the chocolates.) got my fax number. (Exits.) Rachel: Whoa! I can't believe you did that. That was really sweet. Tag: No, don't worry about it. Rachel: No, you could've lost your job. Tag: Are you kidding me?! With a cute butt like this, I'd find work. Rachel: Thank you! You're great! (They kiss.) Tag: Y'know what? Rachel: What? Tag: I feel great. (Rachel laughs) In fact! (Walks over to her desk, sweeps its contents onto the floor and Rachel just glares at him.) What? Rachel: I... It just-it took me so long to get that desk organized. Tag: Oh, I'm sorry. (He bends over to pick the stuff up.) Rachel: (looking at his butt) There it is. (They hug.) [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is returning from work to see the hallway jammed full of people waiting outside their door.] Chandler: (asking a man leaning against the wall) What is going on? The Man: We're waiting for the candy. (Yelling at the door.) Bring out the candy! Joey: Yeah lady! Give us candy!! Chandler: Joey! Joey: What's up buddy? Chandler: What are you doing? Joey: Waiting for candy. Chandler: Get in here! (They head for the door and Chandler sees Smokes-A-Lot Lady standing next to the door and smoking, to her) Hey, and you can not smoke in here! (Takes the cigarette and takes a drag for himself.) (Exhaling in ecstasy) Merry Christmas. Monica: (opening the door and frantically) Okay, guys! The candy is coming; I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool! All: We want candy! We want candy now! (And other general commotion sounds.) Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and I'll bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right? The Man: (from earlier) Candy Lady? Chandler: No not (imitating) Candy Lady. Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!! Chandler: All right, y'know what? Forget it, all of you forget it! You've ruined it! Go home! You've ruined it! You've ruined it! Joey: That's right, it's all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.) Monica: (To Chandler) Thank you. Chandler: You're welcome. (They kiss.) Monica: Did you smoke? Chandler: No! Smokes-A-Lot Lady blew smoke directly into my mouth. Eh-uh-are you okay? Monica: I'm fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a-a threatening note under the door. Joey: (with his mouth full) Oh yeah, sorry about that. Mob mentality or whatever, I don't know... (Grabs the note.) Ending Credits [Scene: Central Park, Phoebe is now riding her bike with ease and stops in front of Ross. They both giggle.] Phoebe: I can't believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought I'd be able to do that! Thank you Ross. Ross: Oh hey, don't thank me, thank yourself. You're the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them. Phoebe: Don't be so corny Ross, it's not an after-school special. (She rides off and the camera pans down to reveal two shiny, silver training wheels firmly attached.)

When Phoebe tells the gang about how she was too poor to have a bike as a child, Ross goes out and buys her one. Rachel writes a playful work evaluation of Tag that he accidentally turns in to human resources. Monica decides to make candy and leave it outside her door as a way to meet the neighbors.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x03

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x03_0

[Salvatore's house] (Damon's phone rings. Ha answers) Damon: You're interrupting my drink Katherine: Miss me? Damon: Where are you? Katherine: Lurking outside your window, pining away Damon: What do you want? Katherine: I'm homesick. What have I missed? Damon: Well, Stefan's still Klaus' little prisoner and Elena still thinks she can save him and no one's thought about you since you left Katherine: And what about you? I'm sure now that you've given up on your brother, you're plotting some sort of way of moving in on his girlfriend Damon: I didn't give up on him. I just don't know where he is Katherine: Hmm Damon: But you do. Are you trailing them? Katherine: A hybrid who wants me dead and his sidekick who's off the rails? I couldn't be further away Damon: Which means you know exactly where they are Katherine: All I know is that Klaus pitched a fit once his hybrids didn't work. Now he's looking for some answers Damon: How do you know that? Katherine: Spend 500 years running, and there will be a few people along the way that are looking out for you Damon: Is that what you're doing? Looking out for my brother? Katherine: Maybe, maybe not. I'm conflicted Damon: Where are they? [Chicago] (Klaus and Stefan go out of a car) Klaus: Welcome back to Chicago, Stefan Stefan: What are we doing here? Klaus: I know how much you loved it here. Bringing back memories of the good old ripper days Stefan: Blacked out most of them. A lot of blood, a lot of partying. The details are all a blur Klaus: Well, that is a crying shame. The details are what makes it legend Chicago, 1920's Klaus: Word was the ripper of Monterrey got lonely, so he escaped to the city for comfort. It was prohibition. Everything was off limits then, which made everything so much fun (Stefan is in a car making out with a girl but then he drinks her blood and kills her. He gets out of the car and removes the blood from his lips Chicago, 1920's (Stefan enters a bar. The singer and owner of the bar sees him) Gloria: Guess who my eyes have just spied, ladies? Looking for a good time, Mr. Salvatore? Stefan: Save me a dance, Gloria (He's about to grab a glass of champagne but a lady takes it before) Stefan: Ooh. Please, help yourself Rebekah: Oh, I always do (She gets closer, licks his lips and whispers in his hear, she's vamped out) Rebekah: Careful, Mr. Salvatore. You're still wearing your date. She's lovely (She's about to leave but he catches her arm) Stefan: No, no, no. Who are you? (She makes a sign to tells him to shut up) Nowadays, Chicago Klaus: Chicago was magical Stefan: Yeah, well, I'll take your word for it. Like I said, I don't remember most of it Klaus: Ready to get down to business, then? Stefan: Why am I still with you? We had our fun, your hybrids failed. I mean, don't you want to move on? Klaus: We're going to see my favorite witch. If anyone can help us with our hybrid problem, it's her [Gilbert's House] (Elena is in her bedroom, sleeping. She moves and is on Damon. She suddenly wakes up ans is suprised) Damon: Rise and shine, sleepy head Elena: Aah! What are you doing?! Get out! Damon: You know you were dreaming about me. Explains the drool Elena: Ugh. Oh, my God (She looks at her alarm) Elena: 6:00 A.M. seriously? Do you really have nothing better to do at 6:00 A.M.? Damon: Fine, don't come with me to bring Stefan home. See ya (He gets up) Elena: Wait. Wait, wait, wait. What? What are you talking about? Where is he? Damon: Windy city Elena: He's in Chicago? Well, how do you know? Damon: It came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it. Start packing Elena: Is he ok? Damon: Well, let's just say he's not there to meet Oprah (He opens one of her drawers and takes one of Elena's underwear) Damon: Ooh. Put these in the "yes" pile (She gets up, takes it from his hands and puts it back in the drawer) [A cellar] (Caroline is still attached to a chair. She hears a noise) Caroline: Daddy, are you there? Why won't you talk to me? Dad! (Smoke enters the cellar .Bill opens the door and enters) Bill: Shhh. I'm so sorry this happened to you Caroline: Dad... Bill: I need an answer. How do you walk in the sunlight? Caroline: Just let me go Bill: Sweetheart, please, just answer me. Then we'll get on with it Caroline: Is that all you want to know? Bill: That's all I want to know (She shows him her ring) Bill: Interesting (He takes the ring off) Caroline: No, dad, no! What are you... (He throws the ring on the floor) Caroline: What are you doing? What are you doing? Bill: Your ancestors built this place. People figured it was for unruly prisoners at the jailhouse, but... They had something else in mind. Vervain in the ventilation system to keep their subject weak. Reinforced steel containment chair. And that (He gets out of the cellar) Caroline: What are you doing? (He come back with a blood bag and puts it in front oh her. She vamps out. Ha takes the blood bag back) Bill: Blood controls you, sweetheart. This is how I'm going to fix you Caroline: What? (He pulls on a chain. The sun enters the cellar. Caroline screams and burns) [Damon's car] (Damon and Elena are driving to Chicago) Damon: I sure Hope we find him, 'cause it would suck if the last momento of Stefan was that crappy old necklace (She touches her vervain necklace) Elena: It's an antique, Damon. Like you (He takes a diary from the back of the car) Damon: Read this. Paints a pretty little picture of Stefan's first experience in Chicago Elena: It's Stefan's diary. I'm not going to invade his private thoughts Damon: You need to be prepared for what you're about to see Elena: I've seen Stefan in his darkest periods. I can handle it (He opens the diary) Damon: Here's one. March 12th, 1922 (He starts reading, changing his voice) Damon: "I've blacked out days. I wake up in strangers' blood, in places I don't recognize with women I don't remember." (He looks at Elena) Damon: Ahh! I'm shocked! Stefan's not a virgin? (She takes the diary from his hands) Elena: Eyes on the road, grandma Damon: Fine. Back to my game. Tell me if you see a Florida plate (She opens the journal and reads a page) Chicago, 1920's (Stefan is at the bar, drinking with his friends. Rebekah is dancing with a man but she stops and rejoins Stefan and his friends) Rebekah: Sorry to crash the fun, boys, but some of us actually came here to hear the music. Not you Stefan: Oof. I am so sorry, sweetheart. Are we offending you? (His friends laugh. She touxhes his face) Rebekah: It would take a lot more than a baby face like this to offend me (She's about to leave) Stefan: Ahem. Hey, hey. You ever going to tell me your name? Rebekah: Sure. When you earn it. Now do Gloria a favor and stick a sock in it (She goes back to the dacefloor and dances with a man) Nowadays, Chicago [Gloria's bar] (Klaus and Stefan enter) Klaus: Looks familiar, doesn't it? Stefan: I can't believe this place is still here Gloria: You got to be kidding me (Klaus smiles) Klaus: So a hybrid walks into a bar, says to the bartender... Gloria: Stop. You may be invincible, but that doesn't make you funny (She looks at Stefan) Gloria: I remember you Stefan: Yeah. You're Gloria. Shouldn't you be... Gloria: Old and dead? Now if I die, who's going to run this place, huh? Klaus: Gloria's a very powerful witch Gloria: I can slow the aging down some Herbs and spells. But don't worry, it'll catch up to me one day Klaus: Stefan, why don't you go and fix us up a little something from behind the bar (He goes to the bar. Klaus looks at Gloria) Klaus: You look ravishing, by the way Gloria: Don't. I know why you're here. A hybrid out to make more hybrids? That kind of news travels Klaus: So what am I doing wrong? I broke the curse Gloria: Obviously you did something wrong. Look, every spell has a loophole, but a curse that old... We'd have to contact the witch who created it Klaus: Well, that would be the original witch. She's very dead Gloria: I know. And for me to contact her, I'll need help. Bring me Rebekah Klaus: Rebekah. Rebekah is a bit preoccupied Gloria: She has what I need. Bring her to me (Stefan finds a picture on the wall and is suprised) Stefan: What is this? Klaus: Well, I told you, Stefan. Chicago's a magical place Stefan: But this is me. With you (He shows him the picture. It's them in the 1920's) [Caroline's house] (Liz calls Caroline but she doens't answer so she leaves a message) Liz: Caroline! It's mom. Just coming up for air after a few all-nighters at the station. I thought we'd have lunch and you could remind me I promised not to work so hard (Tyler knocks on the door) [A cellar] (Caroline is still burning in the sun. She cries) Caroline: No! Please! Stop! Please stop! Please! (The sun disapears) Caroline: I don't hurt anyone, I swear. Daddy, swear. I can handle the urges. I can! Bill: If you could handle it, this wouldn't happen (He puts a blood bag in front of her. She vamps out) Caroline: I'm sorry, i'm sorry Bill: By conditioning you to associate vampirism with pain, in time, the thought of human blood will make you repress your vampire instincts completely Caroline: That's impossible. Daddy, you can't change who I am Bill: Yes, I can Caroline: No Bill: You remember this feeling? (He pulls on the chain again to make the sun appear in the cellar. Her skin burns, she screams) [An appartement, Chicago] (Elena and Damon arrive at an appartment) Elena: Stefan could live anywhere in Chicago and he chose this? Damon: There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner, but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird Elena: If you're trying to scare me into giving up and going back, it's not going to work Damon: Shh (He breaks te locker and opens the door) Damon: Here we are. Stefan's second personality home (They enter) Elena: Pretty obvious he hasn't been here Damon: Tour is not over yet (He goes toward a wall and opens an hidden door. There's a lot of alcohol) Elena: Stefan hid his alcohol. What a monster Damon: Look harder (She gets closer and sees a list of names. There is o lot of names) Elena: It's a list of names Damon: Mm-hmm Elena: These are all of his victims? Damon: Still handling it? Elena: What were you doing in the 1920s? Paving the way for women's liberation? Damon: I was around. Chicago's a big city. Stefan was a cocky ripper douche. But I could avoid him and still indulge in a few Daisy Buchanans of my own (She seems disgusted) Elena: Where are you going? Damon: His old stomping ground Elena: I'm coming with you Damon: No. You stay here and whip up an actual plan. I'll come back when I find him (He leaves) [Chicago] Stefan: This doesn't make any sense. Why don't I remember you? Klaus: You said it yourself, that time had a lot of dark holes Stefan: No, if you knew me, then why haven't you said anything? Klaus: I'm a little busy right now. Memory Lane will have to wait Stefan: What the hell is going on? Answer me Klaus: Let's just say we didn't get off to a brilliant start. To be honest, I hated you Chicago, 1920's (Stefan is drinking blood from a women. Rebakah drinks with him on the other side of the neck. He sees her necklace. It's the one he offered to Elena) Stefan: It's beautiful Rebekah: A witch gave it to me. Supposedly it's magical Stefan: Is it? Rebekah: It brought me love, didn't it? (Klaus arrives and catches her) Klaus: It's late, Rebekah, we're leaving (He catches her) Rebekah: Get off of me! (Stefan gets up) Stefan: Who is this guy? Rebekah: Stefan, don't. He'll kill you. He's a lot stronger than he looks Klaus: So this is the famous Stefan Salvatore. I've been hearing so much about. You're right, he does have funny hair. I'm bored. I want to go Rebekah: Then go without me, I'm not your girlfriend Klaus: No, you're my sister, which means... You have to do as I say Nowadays, Chicago Stefan: Your sister. So I knew another original vampire Klaus: If you can't handle it, then don't ask (All the coffins containing the originals are around them. Klaus opens one. Rebekah is in it. He smiles and touches her face) Stefan: I don't recognize her Klaus: Well, don't tell her that. Rebekah's temper is worse than mine (He takes the dagger out of her chest) Klaus: Time to wake up, little sister. Any day now, Rebekah (He looks at Stefan) Klaus: She's being dramatic Stefan: Look, why don't you just tell me what the hell is going on? I mean, you obviously want me here for a reason, right? Klaus: Well, you have many useful talents Stefan: Do I? Klaus: In fact, I learned some of my favorite tricks from you Chicago, 1920's (Klaus is at the table with Stefan and Rebekah) Klaus: So Stefan, enlighten me. What makes you worthy of an original like my sister? She's pure vampire and you're no more than a diluted bloodline Rebekah: Don't listen to him, Stefan. Nik's an elitist Stefan: Hmm. And where's the rest of your family? Klaus: Well, let's see. Um... I killed most of them Rebekah: But not all Stefan: And you're ok with that? Rebekah: Well, we all had the chance to choose a side. I chose the right one, eventually (.She touches Klaus' hand A men stops by their table) Man: Where the hell's my wife? Stefan: I don't know. I give up Man: You think you're so tough? Hiding in your bar, drinking your liquor? A telephone call to Chicago P.D. might set you straight (Klaus and Rebekah laugh. Stefan calls a woman) Stefan: Lila? Lila, please. Come here for a second Man: Oh, thank God. Come on, we're leaving (Stefan stops him and compels him) Stefan: Oh, no, no, no, no. No. You're sitting (The man stis down next to to Klaus and Lila next to Stefan. He takes of her glove and takes a knife) Rebekah: Stefan, don't be mean Man: What the hell are you doing? (Klaus seems intrigued. Stefan cuts Lila wrist and the blood pours in a glass) Stefan: Thank you so much, Lila. Why don't you go and bandage that up (She gets up and leaves. Stefan compels the man) Stefan: I'd like you to join me for a drink (H gives him the glass with the blood of his wife) Man: What kind of sick freaks are you? Stefan: I said, drink! (He drinks a sip of his wife's blood) Stefan: I dodn't catch your name Man: Go to hell (Klaus laughs) Stefan: Do you want another sip? Man: Liam Grant. Liam Grant! Stefan: Have another sip, Liam (He drinks) Stefan: Finish it (Klaus laughs) Nowadays, Chicago Klaus: I was your number one fan Stefan: Why should I believe any of this? (Klaus compels the guy who handles the trasport) Klaus: When she wakes up, tell her to meet us at Gloria's bar. Then volunteer your carotid artery and let her feed until you die Stefan: Where are you going? Klaus: You think I'm lying, Stefan. You and I knew each other. You trusted me with one of your secrets and now I'm going to prove it to you Stefan: How? Klaus: We're going to your old apartment [Gloria's bar] (Damon enters the bar) Gloria: Well, look what the wind blew in. Last I heard, you hated this place Damon: Gloria. Damn! If I knew you were going to age like this, I would have stuck around Gloria: I always did like you better. But I see your brother is still running in the wrong crowd Damon: You've seen him? Gloria: With Klaus. Bad combo Damon: You know where they went? Gloria: They'll be back here later tonight. They're out running a little errand for me Damon: Gloria... (He touches her hand.) Damon: Don't be a tease. What kind of errand? (She removes her hand) Gloria: I don't think so. You may be cute, but you're still a vampire [Stefan's old appartment] (Elena is reading Stefan's diary. There's Stefan's voiceover) Stefan: April, 1922. Lexi found me last night, dragged me off the train tracks. Thinks she can make me care again (She turns the pages) Stefan: June, 1924... Lexi's driving me crazy. More animal blood, more misery (She turns the pages again) Stefan: 1935... cravings are there, but it's easier. Lexi's on to her next project... Getting me to laugh (She hears Klaus and Stefan coming. She's surprised. Klaus sees that the lock has been broken. He kicks the door and they enter) Klaus: What a charming little homestead. Do you feel that? Is anybody here? (Elena is in the hidden closet) Stefan: It's been vacant for decades. People must break in all the time. Why'd you bring me here? Klaus: Your friend, Liam Grant, the one who drank his wife's blood... I never could figure out why you wanted his name. And then you told me your little secret. It was all part of your special little ritual (Elena looks at the list and sees Liam Grant's name) Stefan: To write it down Klaus: And relive the kill... Over and over again (He opens the hidden door) Klaus: You believe me now? (Stefan enters the closet to see the list. He turns his head and is surprised to see Elena. She looks at him, with hope. Stefan looks at her) Stefan: Look what I found (Elena is scared but Stefan takes a bottle and gives it to Klaus.. She's relieved) Stefan: 1918. Single malt Klaus: Let's go and find someone to pair it with (Stefan closes the closet) (Elena is behind a wall. She has a vervain dart in her hand. She hears someone coming but it's Damon) Elena: Finally! I called you an hour ago (He gives her a bag) Damon: Make yourself presentable. I know where Stefan's going to be tonight (He sits down) Elena: I told you that I was practically discovered by Klaus and you're worried about what I'm wearing? Damon: I had an hour to realize what a bad idea it was to leave you here alone, process it, and move on. Are you ok? Elena: Yeah Damon: Ok, good. Get dressed. You're all road-tripy and gross Elena: So you know where he's going to be? Damon: Yes, with Klaus. So I'll distract Klaus and you deal with Stefan Elena: Ok. Thank you Damon: But you're going to have about five minutes tops before that hybrid freak rips my heart out. So please, tell me you can do this Elena: I can do this [Gloria's bar] (Klaus and Stefan are at the bar. Gloria gives them two beers) Gloria: Where's Rebekah? Klaus: She'll be here. I can't just conjure her on demand (He looks at Stefan) Klaus: What's with you? I thought Chicago was your playground Stefan: So this is why you asked me to be your wingman? Because you liked the way that I tortured innocent people? Klaus: Well, that's certainly half of it Stefan: What's the other half? Klaus: The other half, Stefan, is that you used to want to be my wingman Chicago, 1920's (Klaus and Stefan are at the bar) Stefan: They're jealous. Your family wants you dead because they can never be what you are Klaus: What? An abomination? Stefan: No. A king (Klaus smiles. Stefan laughs) Klaus: Look at us. Two sad orphans. My sister fancies you, you know. But... I should warn you, Rebekah doesn't do anything half-speed, and that includes falling in love. So just be careful. She's totally mad Stefan: I appreciate the advice Klaus: And when the point comes where she inevitably leaves you... She can't help it, it's just who she is. Don't let your heart do anything stupid Stefan: You know what, you're a good friend, Nik. I'm glad I met you Nowadays, Chicago (Klaus raises his shot of tequila) Klaus: To friendship [SCENE_BREAK] [A cellar] (Caroline has burns marks on her skin) Bill: I want you to know, when Carol Lockwood called and told me about you... I sat down and cried Caroline: Dad, I'm ok. I've learned to adapt. I don't need to be fixed. I can't be fixed Bill: I've always taught you to try your best. I need you to try your best now (He puts a blood bag in front of her. She doens't vamps out) Bill: There, see? You're doing it Caroline: I can't Bill: Yes, you can. Fight the urge Caroline: Daddy, I'm starving Bill: I know you are, car. Try Caroline: Why? You know that this isn't going to work Bill: It has to work. It's the only option Caroline: Why are you trying to fix me? Bill: So I don't have to kill you! (She vamps out) Caroline: Daddy, I'm sorry (He raises his head) Bill: The sun's gone down. We'll try again tomorrow (He gets out and closes the door but Liz is here ans holds a gun toward him) Liz: Hello Bill Bill: Put the gun down, Liz. I know what I'm doing Liz: That's our daughter in there. She looks up to you. She loves you Bill: Then she'll trust me to do the right thing. Let me do this, Liz. Not because she's a monster. But because we love her Liz: Tyler (Tyler comes out and goes down the stairs) Bill: You're not going in there (Liz shoots next to him) Liz: Go ahead (He opens the door and enters the cellar) Caroline: Tyler (He rushes toward her and breaks the chains) Tyler: It's ok. We're going to get you out of here Caroline: My ring (He takes it, puts it on her finger, carries her and takes her out) [Gloria's bar] Stefan: So I'm confused. If we were such great friends, why do I only know you as the hybrid dick who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire? Klaus: All good things must come to an end Chicago, 1920's (Stefan and Rebekah are dancing. Klaus looks at them with a smile. But suddenly he seems to feel something. Policemen enter and shoots everywhere in the bar. Rebakah and Stefan hide behind the bar. Stefan takes one of the bullets from the ground) Stefan: They're using wooden bullets. They know Rebekah: That means he's here Stefan: Who? Who's here? Klaus: Rebekah! Come on, we've got to go, sweetheart (She gets up and Klaus catches her) Stefan: What the hell is going on? Rebekah: Stefan! Klaus: Go! (Her necklace falls on the floor. Stefan is about to take it but Klaus interrupts him to talk with him) Klaus: Stefan. I'm sorry, but the fun has to end here Stefan: What are you talking about? (Klaus compels him) Klaus: You must forget Rebekah and me. Until I say otherwise, you never knew us, Stefan. Thank you. I had forgotten what it was like to have a brother (He disapears) Nowadays, Chicago [Gloria's bar] Stefan: You compelled me to forget Klaus: It was time for Rebekah and I to move on. Better to have a clean slate Stefan: But why? You shouldn't have to cover your tracks... Unless you're running from someone Klaus: Storytime's over (Stefan turns his head and sees Damon, he makes him a sign. Stefan then looks at Klaus) Stefan: I need another drink. A real one (He goes outside and rejoins Damon) Stefan: What is wrong with you?! Damon: What is wrong with you? You kill Andie one day, you save my life the next. What are you good, bad? Pick one! Stefan: Klaus almost saw Elena today. You have to get her out of Chicago Damon: She's not going anywhere until she's got you checked into vampire rehab and on the mend. Trust me. I've tried Stefan: She is the key to everything. Klaus can't know that she's alive Damon: What are you talking about? Stefan: She was supposed to die in the sacrifice and she didn't. Now Klaus can't create any new hybrids. His witch is seconds away from figuring that out. Tell Elena to go home and forget about me (Damon doesn't say anything right away) Damon: Tell her yourself (Stefan sees Elena) (Damon rejoins Klaus at the bar) Klaus: I see they've opened the doors to the riff raff now Damon: Oh, honey, I've been called worse Klaus: You don't give up, do you? Damon: Give me my brother back... You'll never have to see me again Klaus: Well, I am torn. You see, I promised Stefan I wouldn't let you die, but how many freebies did I really sign up for? And clearly you want to die, otherwise you wouldn't be here, so... Damon: What can I say? I'm a thrill seeker (Klaus strangles him) (Stefan is in the parking lot with Elena) Stefan: You shouldn't be here Elena: Where else would I be? Stefan: What do you want? Damon won't be able to distract Klaus for long (She touches his face) Elena: Come home (She embraces him and is about to stake him with a vervain dart but he stops her and catches her wrist. He hurts her) Stefan: How much clearer can I make it? I don't want to come home! (Klaus is stabbing Damon with a toothpick) Klaus: Oh, dear, what was that? I'm a little boozey, so you'll forgive me if I miss your heart the first few tries (He stabs him again) Klaus: Ohh! No, that's not it. Hmm (He stabs him again) Klaus: Ohh. Almost Damon: You want a partner in crime? Forget Stefan. I'm so much more fun Klaus: You won't be any fun after you're dead (He pushes him on the ground and is about to stab him but Gloria burns the stake with her powers) Klaus: Really? Gloria: Not in my bar. You take it outside (Klaus looks at Damon) Klaus: You don't have to negotiate your brother's freedom. When I'm done with him, he won't want to go back (Elena and Damon are still in the parking lot) Stefan: Klaus is obsessed with siring these hybrids. The second he knows you're alive, he'll figure out why it's not working Elena: Look, I know you're trying to protect me, but I can't let you do it. Come with me, Stefan, please Stefan: And what do you expect if I do? Huh? It's never going to be the same, Elena Elena: I know that Stefan: I don't think you do. I've left bodies scattered from Florida to Tennessee. Innocent people. Humans Elena: Lexi found you like this before. In the twenties, and... And she saved you Stefan: And you know what I did after that? I spent 30 years trying to pull myself together. To a vampire, that's nothing. To you? That's half your life Elena: I can't give up on you, Stefan Stefan: Yes, you can. It's done. That part of my life is done. I don't want to see you. I don't want to be with you. I just want you to go [Damon's car] (Elena is in the car, looking through the window and touching her necklace. Damon enters the car) Damon: You ok? Elena: Just drive [Caroline's house] (Caroline is in her bed and Liz is here. Caroline finishes her blood bag and gives it to Liz) Caroline: Thank you Liz: Honey, your dad... All our families, we have beliefs that have been passed on through generations. And we were taught never to stray from them Caroline: You did Liz: You taught me to look at things in a different way Caroline: I just thought that he was the one who got me Liz: He did. He will again (Tyler arrives. Liz gets up and is about to leave) Caroline: Hey, mom? Thanks for believing in me (Liz leaves. Tyler enters) Tyler: Would now be a bad time to give you crap about sneaking out on me? (She smiles but then is about to cry. He rejoins her on the bed and embraces her. She cries) Caroline: He hates me. My dad hates me (He kisses her head) [Chicago] (Klaus enters the room full of his family's coffins. Rebekah's is empty and the man is dead) Klaus: Rebekah... It's your big brother. Come out, come out, wherever you are (She stabs him with the dagger) Rebekah: Go to hell, Nik! Chicago, 1920's (Klaus and Rebakah are next to a car) Klaus: Hurry up, Rebekah. Let's go (She doesn't move) Klaus: He'll be here any second. Do you want to die? We've been found. We need to move Rebekah: Not without Stefan Klaus: Stefan's not coming. We have to disappear. He'll draw too much attention. Let him go Rebekah: What did you do? Klaus: Come on. We don't have time for one of your tantrums Rebekah: I don't want to run anymore, Nik! All we do is run. I want to be with Stefan Klaus: Fine. Then choose. Him or me (She doens't answer) Klaus: That's what I thought. Get in the truck. Let's go Rebekah: Good-bye, Nik (He drives the dagger through her heart) Nowadays, Chicago (Klaus takes the dagger out of his chest and throws it on the ground) Klaus: Don't pout. You knew it wouldn't kill me Rebekah: Yeah, but I was hoping it would hurt more Klaus: I understand that you're upset with me, Rebekah... So I'm going to let that go. Just this once. Brought you a little peace offering. You can come in (Stefan comes in) Rebekah: Stefan... (Klaus gets closer to him and compels him) Klaus: Now you remember (He remembers everything) Chicago, 1920's (Stefan looks at the photograph) Stefan: Hey, buddy, take a picture of my brother and me (He takes Klaus by the shoulders for the picture) Nowadays, Chicago (Stefan looks at Klaus and Rebekah) Stefan: I remember you. We were friends Klaus: We are friends (He looks at Rebekah) Klaus: And now the reason you're here. Gloria tells me you know how to contact the original witch Rebekah: The origninal witch Klaus: What do you have that Gloria needs? (She touches her neck) Rebakah: Where's my necklace? What did you do with it? I never take it off! Klaus: I don't know. I didn't touch it Rebekah: We need to find it, Nik. Now, I want it back! Klaus: Tell me that's not what she needs, Rebekah! (She looks into the coffin but doesn't find it so she throws it on the ground. Stefan is concerned) [Salvatore's House] (Damon is on the phone with Katherine) Damon: Ok. You were right. He was there Katherine: I'm always right. Let me guess... it ended in tears and heartbreak Damon: Where are you? Katherine: Why? Do you want to come rub sunscreen on my back? Damon: I'm thinking Europe. Italy, maybe Or Spain. You were always a sucker for those lazy afternoons Katherine: Keep guessing, Damon. Bye-bye (She hangs up and laughs) Chicago, 1920's (Rebekah's necklace is on the ground. Katherine's here and is about to take it but she disapears and Stefan's here. He takes the necklace. She watches him. A man is behind him) Man: Hey kid. Chicago P.D Stefan: I'm not afraid of you Man: Oh, I'm not here for you (He shows him a drawing of Klaus and Rebekah) Man: Have you seen these two? Stefan: I've never seen those people before in my life Man: Wrap it up, boys. We're through here (He looks at him and leaves. Stefan has Rebekah's necklace in his hand. Katherine watches him and leaves) Nowadays (Katherine gets out of the photobooth. She's in fact in Chicago)

Klaus and Stefan arrive in Chicago, where they knew each other during one of Stefan's previous periods as a Ripper in the 1920s. It is revealed that Klaus knew Stefan in the 1920s. Stefan met Klaus and Rebekah in a bar where Stefan fell in love with Rebekah and become like a brother to Klaus. Klaus and Rebekah had to leave and Klaus compelled Stefan to forget them. Klaus then daggers Rebekah when she chooses Stefan. In present day, he removes the dagger keeping her demobilized as she has what Gloria (a powerful witch) needs to help Klaus create hybrids. It is revealed that what Gloria needs is the necklace Stefan had given Elena. Damon gets a tip on Stefan and Klaus' whereabouts from Katherine so he and Elena follow the trail. They go to Stefan's old apartment, where Elena sees Stefan's list of victims. While there, Stefan and Klaus arrive. Stefan sees Elena hiding in his closet, but does not tell Klaus. Tyler tries to rescue Caroline , who is being tortured by her father, who believes he can change her urge to feed on blood by burning her in sunlight every time she feels the urge.

fd_Downton_Abbey_02x07

fd_Downton_Abbey_02x07_0

[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith watches an army hospital truck leave.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes joins Edith.] Lady Edith: That's the last of the equipment gone. Mrs Hughes: The maids have put the drawing room back to normal. [The dog follows Robert around the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - MORNING] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm walking down to the village. I want to have a word with Travis. Cora, Countess of Grantham: You know that Richard will be here any moment. Robert, Earl of Grantham: That's why I'm telling you. Give him my excuses, I'll see him at dinner. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is there any news on the Bates situation? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not that I'm aware of. Cora, Countess of Grantham: So, you still want to keep him on? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Cora, Bates's wife has committed suicide. It's very sad, of course, but not, when I last looked, a reason to sack him. Cora, Countess of Grantham: They've taken the rest of the beds. Robert, Earl of Grantham: So, that's the finish of it. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Not quite. We still have Matthew. And I wanted to ask you, isn't it time he went home? Robert, Earl of Grantham: I see. You want to throw him out. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Robert! I want him to learn to be as independent as he can, and I want Mary to get on with her life. What's wrong with that? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Is there something you're not telling me? Cora, Countess of Grantham: What do you mean? Robert, Earl of Grantham: About Mary and Matthew. Some element you haven't told me? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course not! You're being silly. Robert, Earl of Grantham: If thinking that trying to protect Mary with a ring of steel is silly, then, yes, I am very silly. [Robert leaves angrily.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson carries tea into the library.] Lavinia: Seriously. They have special [?] now. [Carson puts the tray down.] Matthew: You shouldn't be doing that. Mr Carson: Let us hope the end of the war brings the return of the footmen, Mr Crawley. Lavinia: Do you think they will return? Mr Carson: I certainly hope so. Matthew: I'm sure Sir Richard can buy you a dozen when you get to Hacksby. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, DRIVEWAY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Jane picks up some spilled apples on her knees. Robert approaches.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Let me. Jane: Oh. No, my lord, I can manage it. [Robert helps her pick up the apples.] Jane: The handle broke. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Aren't we feeding you? Jane: They're from my mother's apple store. She always loads me up. [They stand up.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: How is your boy doing? Er, Freddy? Jane: Yes, Freddy. He's doing very well. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I wrote to the headmaster of Ripon Grammar. I said to look out for him. Jane: Tha-- that's so kind, my lord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I hope it works. I don't really see why it should, but you never know. I suppose you miss your husband very much. Jane: Of course. But I have Freddy. And when you think of what some families have gone through... Robert, Earl of Grantham: I know. Almost thirty dead on this estate alone. And the Elkins down at Longway lost three out of four sons. Mrs Carter's only boy was killed a-- a month before the end of the war. Poor Wililam. And then there's Matthew. [Robert mourns all of these losses in a pathetic tone and Jane's heart goes out to him.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Do you ever wonder what it was all for? [They're distracted by an approaching motorcar.] Jane: I better go in, my lord. [Jane walks off toward the servants' entrance and Robert walks toward the front door. Sir Richard's car pulls up. Robert joins him as he steps out.] Sir Richard Carlisle: The train was late. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Welcome to the new world. Sir Richard Carlisle: When a war is over, the first emotion is relief, the second, disappointment. Robert, Earl of Grantham: How sad. But how true. Come in and have some tea. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Patmore brings some food to the table.] Anna: Will you miss the extra staff, Mrs Patmore? Mrs Patmore: Not really. When push comes to shove, I'd rather do it myself. Though God knows what I'm to feed them on. There's nothing out there to be had. Oh well. The Lord tempers the wind to the shorn lamb. Daisy Mason: What about you, Thomas? How much longer will you stay? Thomas: Well, now the last of the invalids have gone, I suppose I'm finished. I'll report to Major Clarkson, but he won't be taking anyone on. Anna: I suppose the hospital will revert to the way it was before the war. Daisy Mason: Where will you go? Thomas: What's it to you? [Thomas leaves and O'Brien follows him.] O'Brien: Where will you go? Thomas: I'll tell you where I'm going. Into business. It's all set up. O'Brien: Do you mean black market business? Thomas: Don't look so surprised. I found a dealer, and as soon as I make the payment, I'll have the supplies. O'Brien: Where will you keep them? Thomas: I've got a shed in the village, and I've got a [?] to deliver the stuff. I'll be well fixed as soon as word gets out. You heard her. There are shortages all around. O'Brien: Isn't it dangerous? Thomas: I don't think so. I don't think the police are bothered about rationing now the war's over. It won't last forever. But by the time it's done, I should have enough to go into business properly. O'Brien: So that's your future settled as a plutocrat. In the meantime, have you found somewhere to live? Thomas: Not yet, but there's no hurry. I'm sure they won't object if I stop here for a week or two. O'Brien: I shouldn't bet on it. [The dressing gong rings and the servants get up to prepare.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] Mr Bates: I nearly put out the new, milord, but then Mr Carson said the Dowager was dining here. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Quite right. Mustn't frighten the horses. By the way, Her Ladyship was asking if there's any more news about Mrs Bates. Mr Bates: I don't think so, milord. They'd like to know why she did it, but I don't suppose we ever shall. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You think she'd leave a note. Mr Bates: Perhaps it was a spur of the moment decision. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, it can't have been, can it? And wouldn't she have to get hold of the stuff? [Bates seems surprised and disturbed.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please forgive me, I was thinking aloud. We'll drop the subject. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna walks past Carlisle's guest bedroom.] Sir Richard Carlisle: Anna? [She stops and Carlisle steps out of his room.] Sir Richard Carlisle: It is Anna, isn't it? Anna: Yes, sir. Sir Richard Carlisle: I want to ask a favour of you. Anna: Of me, Sir Richard? Sir Richard Carlisle: You. I've been waiting for you. I wonder if you could step into my room for a moment. [Anna hesitates, about to protest, but checks that no one is in the corridor and follows him in.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CARLISLE'S GUEST BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carlisle closes the door.] Sir Richard Carlisle: You attend Lady Mary and her sisters, don't you? In addition to your other duties Anna: I do, sir, yes. Sir Richard Carlisle: You must be kept very busy. I hope it's worth your while. Because I would be very willing to increase your stipend. Anna: If this is about coming with Lady Mary when you marry, it's very good of you, sir, but you see, my fianc Mr Bates works here and I don't think that I-- Sir Richard Carlisle: No, it's-- it's not that. Although, it's a pity. Lady Mary's very fond of you. Anna: That's kind. Sir Richard Carlisle: You see, I'm anxious to make Lady Mary happy. Anna: Of course you are, sir. Sir Richard Carlisle: And to that end, I feel I need to know a great deal more about her than I do. Our customs are so strange in this country. A couple is hardly allowed a moment alone together before they walk down the aisle. Anna: I'm not sure I understand, sir. Sir Richard Carlisle: I'd like to know more about her interests. Where she goes, whom she sees, what she says to them. Anna: Excuse me, sir, do you mean you want me to give you a report of Lady Mary's actions? Sir Richard Carlisle: It'll be extra work, but I'm happy to pay. Anna: I'm sure. But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the time. Thank you, sir. Sir Richard Carlisle: Well, it's your choice, of course. [Anna turns to go.] Sir Richard Carlisle: I'd be grateful if you didn't mention this to Lady Mary. I wouldn't want her to think I was checking up on her. [Anna gives him a disgusted look and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I nearly came down in a dinner jacket tonight. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Really? Well, why not a dressing gown? Or, better still, pyjamas? Robert, Earl of Grantham: That's why I didn't. Isobel Crawley: I like the new fashions. Shorter skirts, looser cuts. The old clothes were all very well if one spent the day on a chaise longue, but if one wants to get anything done, the new clothes are much better. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I'll stick to the chaise longue. Lady Sybil: Granny, you don't really want things to go back to the way they were, surely? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Of course I do. And as quickly as possible. Lady Sybil: What about you, Papa? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Before the war, I believed my life had value. I suppose I should like to feel that again. [Awkward silence.] Lady Mary: Have you seen the boys' haircuts the women are wearing in Paris? Matthew: I hope you won't try that. [Mary looks over at him in surprise and Violet looks curiously between them.] Lady Mary: I might. Lavinia: I'm not sure how feminine it is. Lady Mary: I'm not sure how feminine I am. Sir Richard Carlisle: Very, I'm glad to say. [Edith grins in amusement.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Carson, I keep forgetting to tell Mrs Hughes we've had a letter from Major Bryant's mother. She and her husband are in Yorkshire on Friday and she wants to pay us a visit. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why? Cora, Countess of Grantham: The last time they saw him alive it was here. I can understand. Mr Carson: Will they be staying, my lady? Cora, Countess of Grantham: No, but we'll give them luncheon. That way, they can talk about the Major with all of us who knew him. [Sybil looks like she's trying to contain her irritation toward the insipid conversation.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: That lets me out, thank heaven. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON GARAGE - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson hears heels clicking on the garage floor and glances up from the car engine. He does a double take as he sees Sybil in her evening gown. She tilts her head shyly, waiting for him to say something.] Branson: You look very fine. Lady Sybil: Everything I own is from my season before the war. I'm trying to wear them out. [Branson continues to check her out.] Lady Sybil: Where have you been all day? Branson: Nowhere. I've just been busy. Lady Sybil: I envy you. I feel so flat after the rush and bustle of the last two years. They were sighing for the old days at dinner, but all I could do was think about how much more I want from life now than I did then. Branson: Does this mean that you've made up your mind...at last? Lady Sybil: Not quite. But almost. [Branson looks down, slightly disappointed. Sybil touches his face and he looks up, surprised, and stares at her longingly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - EVENING] Mr Carson: What do you mean, "How did she say it?"? "Mr and Mrs Bryant are coming for luncheon on Friday." Mrs Hughes: How are things over at Hacksby? Mr Carson: Pretty good. Building materials are in short supply, but Sir Richard knows how to get around that. Mrs Hughes: Hmph, I bet he does. Mr Carson: Oh, you should see some of the gadgets in the kitchens. And the bathrooms, oh, goodness me. They're like something out of a film with Theda Bara. Mrs Hughes: I'm surprised you know who Theda Bara is. Mr Carson: Oh, I get about, Mrs Hughes. I get about. Mrs Hughes: But will you be happy there? That's what want to be sure of. Mr Carson: If you're asking whether I'll regret leaving Downton, I will regret it every minute of every day. I thought I would die here and haunt it ever after. Mrs Hughes: Well, then... Mr Carson: You see, I think I can help her in those early years, when it's important to get it right. And if I can help her, then I must. Mrs Hughes: I wish I could understand. To me, Lady Mary is an upity minx who's the author of her own misfortunes. Mr Carson: You didn't know her when she was a child, Mrs Hughes. She was a guinea a [?] then. I remember once she came in here, can't have been more than four or five years old, she said, "Mr Carson, I've decided to run away and I wonder if I might take some of the silver to sell." [They chuckle.] Mr Carson: "Well," I said, "that could be awkward for His Lordship. I suppose I'll give you a sixpence to spend in the village instead." "Very well," said she, "but you must be sure to charge me interest." [They chuckle.] Mrs Hughes: And did you? Mr Carson: She gave me a kiss in full payment. Mrs Hughes: Then she had the better bargain. Mr Carson: I wouldn't say that. [Anna enters.] Anna: There you are, Mrs Hughes. They said you were in here. Might I have a word? Mrs Hughes: Of course. Shall we go to my room? Anna: There's no reason Mr Carson shouldn't hear it. In fact, I think you probably should. You see, I've had a request from Sir Richard that you ought to know about. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MATTHEW'S GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates helps Matthew into bed.] Matthew: You've done this before. Bates, can I ask you something? If I started to feel a...tingling in my legs, what do you think that might mean? Mr Bates: Have you told Dr Clarkson? Matthew: Yes. He says it's an illusion. A memory of a tingling, or something. But, I mean, I do know my back is broken, I understand that I won't recover, but...I do keep feeling it, or I think I do. Mr Bates: I should wait and see. If something is changing, it will make itself known. Now, will that be all? Matthew: Yes, thank you. Bates...please don't tell anyone. I couldn't bear it if...Miss Swire or...Mother or...or anyone started to hope. Mr Bates: I won't say a thing. Goodnight, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE VILLAGE - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes walks to the bus stop and nods to passersby.] Mrs Hughes: Morning. Morning. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ETHEL'S HOUSE - DAY] Mrs Hughes: I don't know why I'm doing this. I must be out of my mind. Ethel: Because you know it's my last chance. Mrs Hughes: Well, that's true. They won't be back, not after this trip. Ethel: So, what should I do? Mrs Hughes: Come to the house, but stay outside in the game larder. I'll leave some food there and a blanket, and then I'll try and find a moment alone with Mrs Bryant and tell her about little Charlie. And then, if she asks - only if she asks, mind you - I'll bring her out to see the child. Ethel: What about him? Mrs Hughes: If either of them are in the least interested, it'll be the mother. Ethel: Do you think she'll help me? Mrs Hughes: She might. Ethel: Suppose she won't see him? Mrs Hughes: Then you're no worse off than you are already. Look, I shouldn't be doing it. So, if you're not keen, then, for heaven's sake, let's forget all about it. Ethel: No. I'll be there, I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Lady Sybil: Doesn't it feel odd to have the rooms back? Lady Edith: And only asked to sit in them. I suppose we'll get used to it. Lady Sybil: I don't want to get used to it. Lady Edith: What do you mean? Lady Sybil: I know what it is to work now. To have a full day, to be tired in a good way. I don't want to start dress fittings and or paying calls or standing behind the guns. Lady Edith: But how does one escape all that? Lady Sybil: I think I've found a way to escape. Lady Edith: Nothing too drastic, I hope. Lady Sybil: It is drastic. There's no going back once I've done it, but that's what I want. No going back. Lady Edith: I don't want to go back either. Lady Sybil: Then don't. You're far nicer than you were before the war, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. THOMAS'S STORAGE SHED - DAY] O'Brien: Where did you get it all? Thomas: I told you, this bloke from Leeds. O'Brien: Where did he get it? Thomas: Some's army surplus, some's from America and Ireland, everywhere. He's got contacts all over, that's what I'm paying him for. O'Brien: How much have you paid him? Thomas: A lot. But I'm not worried. I'm taking nothing perishable. This lot'll last for months. I'll be sold out long before any of it's gone off. O'Brien: Starting with Mrs Patmore. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PARLOUR - DAY] Lady Mary: But Carson, if you're abandoning me, I think I deserve to know the reason why. Mr Carson: I do not believe that Sir Richard and I would work well together. Lady Mary: But there must be more to it than that. You knew what Sir Richard was like. We were to educate him together, you and I. Wasn't that the plan? Mr Carson: Sir Richard offered Anna a sum of money to report your activities to him. Whom you saw, what you said... Lady Mary: He wanted her to spy on me. Mr Carson: Naturally, he used a different word. Lady Mary: Naturally. And she refused? Mr Carson: She refused, and she reported the offer to Mrs Hughes and me. Lady Mary: Well, I wish she'd come to me first. So, you mean you'd be uncomfortable working for a spymaster? How disappointing of you. And I always thought you were fond of me. [Carson is shocked. Carlisle enters from outside.] Sir Richard Carlisle: Ah, there you are. I had a quick walk before dinner. Lady Mary: We ought to get changed first. Mr Carson: Will that be all, my lady? Yes, Carson. Thank you. I think that will be all. Carson has decided not to come with us to Hacksby. Sir Richard Carlisle: Ah, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can say to change your mind? Mr Carson: I'm afraid not, sir. [Carson leaves.] Sir Richard Carlisle: What a shame. Lady Mary: Not really. Butlers will be two a penny now they're all back from the war. [Mr Carson hears that just before he closes the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVE ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert turns the corner and is surprised to find Jane.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I gather Carson was looking for me. Jane: Erm, sh--shall I go and find him, milord? Robert, Earl of Grantham: It's all right. Tell him I'll be in the dressing room. Has he done the red wine yet? Jane: Er, it's over here, milord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Ah. I'm pleased. [Robert walks into the cupboard to look at the wine.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: It's a new one on me. I had some at a dinner in London and ordered it. Carson thought we might try it tonight. [Jane nods.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, I better go up. Jane: You made me sad yesterday, wondering what the war was for. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, don't listen to me. I'm a foolish man who's lost his way and don't quite know how to find it again. [Robert thinks for a moment, looking down at Jane, who is standing just within kissing distance. He leans forward and grabs her suddenly and kisses her. She makes slightly desperate noises as he kisses her, not knowing exactly what to do. He lets her go.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm terribly sorry. Please try to forgive me. [Robert starts to walk off.] Jane: I do forgive you. [He pauses for a moment, and then continues walking. Jane rushes down to the servants' corridor and meets Mr Carson.] Jane: Oh, Mr Carson, er, His Lordship said you were looking for him. Mr Carson: And? Jane: And, er...w-- I was to say that you'd find him in the dressing room. Mr Carson: What's the matter with you? Jane: Nothing. [Jane rushes off and slips by Anna in the corridor.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] Mr Carson: I wrestled with it, my lord, I don't mind admitting. And I wanted to be there to help Lady Mary, and-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: And protect her from Sir Richard. Mr Carson: Well, I...wouldn't quite have put it like that, but...yes, I suppose. Only-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: Only you felt you couldn't work for a man who would offer a bribe. Mr Carson: That is correct, my lord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are you quite sure you won't regret it? I know how fond you are of Lady Mary. Mr Carson: But I couldn't work for a man that I don't respect, and I certainly couldn't have left Downton for him. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I shall take that as a compliment, for myself and for my house. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - EVENING] Lady Mary: I still don't see why you didn't tell me first. Anna: I'm sorry milady, but I didn't want to add to your troubles. Lady Mary: Well, you have done, whether you wanted to or not. [Anna is upset by Mary's reprimand.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Lavinia wheels Matthew into the library.] Matthew: Nobody's down yet. Lavinia: They won't be long. Oh, look. They've cleared the tea, but forgotten to take that tray. Matthew: Ring the bell. Lavinia: I'll do it. They'll be busy getting dinner ready. Matthew: It's too heavy for you. Lavinia: No, it's not. [Lavinia trips over a footstool.] Matthew: Look out! [Matthew stands up, trying to catch Lavinia, but she drops the tray and falls against the mantel.] Lavinia: Heavens, that was a near thing. [Matthew takes her arm and they both realize he's standing.] Lavinia: My God. [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert and Lavinia rush down the corridor, collecting the family.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mary! Girls! Cora, come at once. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Robert, wait. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Everyone come at once! Lady Mary: What is it? What's happened? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Come and see this! [They rush into the library.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Is it true? Is it true what Lavinia says? [Lavinia goes to Matthew and he takes her hand to help himself stand up. The family is stunned with joy.] Lady Mary: I can't believe it! Cora, Countess of Grantham: It's so wonderful! Lady Sybil: It is, but don't tire yourself out. Sit down now and we'll send for Dr Clarkson. Robert, Earl of Grantham: She's right. Edith, go with Branson. Ge--get Clarkson, but fetch Mama and Cousin Isobel as well. I don't care what they're doing. Tell them to come now. My dear chap, I cannot begin to tell you what this means to me. Matthew: Well, it's pretty good news for me, too. [Robert laughs in relief.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - EVENING] Dr Clarkson: There is only one possible explanation. It starts with my own mistake. Every indication told me that the spine was transected, which would have been incurable. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But when Sir John Coats came to see Matthew, he agreed with you. Dr Clarkson: Well, he didn't, not entirely. He thought that it could conceivably be a case of spinal shock. That is, erm, intense bruising, which was sufficiently severe to impede the leg mechanism. Lady Mary: But which would heal. Lavinia: Why didn't you tell us? Dr Clarkson: Because I didn't agree with him, and I didn't want to raise Captain Crawley's hopes to no purpose. Matthew: I understand. And I don't blame you. Dr Clarkson: You must take it slowly. Rome wasn't built in a day. Matthew: I know. Dr Clarkson: And I'm afraid you will carry a bruise on your spine for the rest of your life. Matthew: But I will have a life. Dr Clarkson: Yes. I think we can say that you will have a normal life, and it won't be long in coming. Isobel Crawley: My darling boy. My darling boy. [Isobel gets up to kiss him.] Mr Carson: Excuse me, my lord, but Mrs Hughes was wondering what she should do about dinner. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Er, you'll all stay for dinner, won't you? Dr Clarkson: I'm afraid I'm not dressed. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, nevermind that. Who cares about that? What about you, Mama? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, certainly. All this unbridled joy has given me quite an appetite. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] Anna: There you are. I wondered what had happened to you. It's wonderful news, isn't it? Mr Bates: Wonderful. Are you busy? Anna: I'm just going up to help in the dining room. Why? Mr Bates: It'll keep. Anna: No, tell me. I've got time. Mr Bates: It's just, something His Lordship said recently I can't get out of my mind. How Vera must have...bought the poison and taken it home with her. Anna: Yes, I suppose she must, and it's...it's just such a terrible thing to think of. Mr Bates: But she didn't. I did. Anna: What? Mr Bates: Months ago, before I left, Vera said we needed rat poison, and I bought it. It was arsenic, and I've been thinking that's what she must've taken. Anna: Have you told the police? Mr Bates: No. Anna: Tell them. If you don't, when they find out, it'll look bad. Mr Bates: But wouldn't I be asking for trouble? Anna: You're asking for trouble if you stay silent. Mr Carson: Anna, we're starting. Anna: Sorry, Mr Carson. [Anna follows Carson upstairs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Tell me, how are things progressing at Hacksby? Sir Richard Carlisle: Quite well. I've put in a condition so the builders are fined for every day they go over. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Does that make for a happy atmosphere? Sir Richard Carlisle: I want it done. They can be happy in their own time. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Why the rush? Sir Richard Carlisle: I like everything I own to be finished and ready to sell. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You're not thinking of selling Hacksby, surely? Sir Richard Carlisle: Depends. We'll have to see if it suits us to be so close to Downton. Matthew: I-I want to tell you all something. As you know, during this - well, I think I can say - horrible time, Lavinia has proved to be the most marvellous person. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Here, here. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Indeed. Matthew: I never thought we would marry, for all sorts of reasons, but she wouldn't accept that. And so, now I'm very pleased to say that she's been proved right. [Sybil looks down, considering his words. Matthew and Lavinia hold hands at the table.] Matthew: Lavinia and I will get married. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, my dear fellow. Isobel Crawley: Isn't it wonderful? [Cora looks at Mary, and Mary puts on a smile that she clearly doesn't feel.] Matthew: Just as soon as I'm well enough to walk down the aisle. Dr Clarkson can help us with when. Dr Clarkson: Not long now. Matthew: And she feels we ought to marry here, at Downton, to bury forever the memories of what, I hope, has been the darkest period of my life. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course. Lavinia: Are you sure? I know it should be at my home in London, but we've been through so much here. Robert, Earl of Grantham: We'd be delighted. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Yes, bravo. Excellent news. Mary, isn't that excellent news? Lady Mary: Just excellent. [Violet studies Mary's reaction. Sybil stares at nothing for a moment, thinking.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON GARAGE - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson is reading the newspaper when he hears Sybil's heels and looks up to see her entering.] Branson: You're very late. Won't they worry? Lady Sybil: They're all so excited, they won't care where I am. Branson: I'm pleased. I like Mr Matthew. Lady Sybil: He announced at dinner that he wants to get married at Downton. Somehow it made me feel more than ever that the war is really over and it's time to move forward. Branson: Do you mean you've made your decision? Lady Sybil: Yes. And my answer is... [Branson braces himself.] Lady Sybil: That I'm ready to travel...and you are my ticket. [Sybil smiles.] Lady Sybil: To get away from this house, away from this life-- Branson: Me? Lady Sybil: No, Uncle Tom Cobley. [Sybil giggles and Branson stops holding his breath.] Branson: I'm sorry. But I've waited so long for those words, I can't believe I'm hearing them. You won't mind burning your bridges? Lady Sybil: Mind? Fetch me the matches! [Branson smiles with a sigh of relief and leans forward to kiss her. She holds back.] Lady Sybil: Yes, you can kiss me, but that is all until everything is settled. Branson: For now, God knows, it's enough that I can kiss you. [Sybil smiles at his reply and they kiss.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] Robert, Earl of Grantham: What a day. I can't stop smiling. Cora, Countess of Grantham: No. But another time, please ask me before you agree to host a wedding. Robert, Earl of Grantham: What? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm fond of Matthew, of course, but you do realise this means Mary's marriage will be delayed. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I can't help that. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Mary's our first priority, Robert. And just because Matthew's been lame... Robert, Earl of Grantham: Matthew's been lame? Can you hear the words coming out of your mouth? Can you hear how stupid and selfish they are? Because I can. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Patmore: Don't bother me with it now. I've enough trying to make a luncheon that looks worth eating. Thomas: Well, that's what I'm saying. Everything's in short supply now. Mrs Patmore: Short supply? No supply, more like. Talk about making a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I wish we had a sow's ear. It'd be better than this brisket. O'Brien: That's just it. Thomas has come by some groceries and such and he's prepared to let them go for the right price. Mrs Patmore: Oh, he's prepared to let them go, is he? And how did he come by them? That's what I'd like to know. Thomas: Well, they're not stolen, in case you're worried. Mrs Patmore: Oh, I'm not worried. You're the one who should be worried. Tell you what, I'm making a wedding cake now for Mr Crawley. I'll finish it early and feed it with brandy. So, if I give you a list of ingredients, can you get them? Thomas: I can. Mrs Patmore: And then we'll see. Now, will you leave me and let me get on with this travesty? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The Bryants arrive in a motorcar and Mrs Hughes steps up next to Carson to greet them.] Mr Carson: Why are you here? [Mrs Hughes doesn't reply.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mr Bryant, Mrs Bryant, welcome. Mrs Bryant: We're so pleased to be here. This is so kind of you, Lady Grantham. Mr Bryant: It is kind, but we ought to make it clear we can't stay long. I wasn't sure we had time to come at all. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Luncheon's quite ready. Mr Bryant: We must eat and run, I'm afraid. We have to be at Marypole by six. Robert, Earl of Grantham: We're all so terribly sorry about the reason you're here. Mr Bryant: If we could see Charles's rooms-- [Mrs Hughes steps forward quickly.] Mrs Hughes: Shall I take Mrs Bryant up? Cora, Countess of Grantham: No, I'll do it. Robert, Earl of Grantham: We'll all do it. My cousin, Mrs Crawley, who looked after Major Bryant and my daughters who nursed will join us for luncheon. Mrs Bryant: How thoughtful. Mr Bryant: But we can't be long. I've told our chauffeur to stay in the car. Mrs Hughes: Will I take him something to eat? Mr Bryant: Leave him be. He's quite happy. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Now, please, come and see where Major Bryant lived while he was with us. [They enter the house and Mrs Hughes is left standing there.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GAME LARDER - DAY] Mrs Hughes: I'm afraid it's not going to work. Ethel: Why? Mrs Hughes: They're in the dining room now and they're getting straight into the car when they're finished. I tried to speak to her on her own, but there was never the right moment. (to the little boy) Your grandad is a bit of a bully. Ethel: But I must see them. I've come all this way. Mrs Hughes: Of course it's a disappointment. Ethel: You said yourself there wouldn't be another chance. Mrs Hughes: We can't know that. Maybe you should write to them after all. You've nothing to lose. Ethel: No. No, they have to see him. They must see Charlie. Mrs Hughes: Well, maybe they will. Sometime in the future. I hope so. You'd better go now. [Ethel looks down at Charlie and then walks out with him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Daisy Mason: This wedding cake, can I make it? Mrs Patmore: You wouldn't know how to start. Daisy Mason: But you can tell me. And if I make it early, then you can make another if it's no good. Mrs Patmore: Hmm. If I say yes, will you do as you're told? [Daisy smiles.] Mrs Hughes: Daisy, there's a wretched chauffeur at the front who's not allowed to get out of the car.So, can you make him a sandwich and take him up a bottle of [?]-- [Mrs Hughes sees Ethel rush down the servants' corridor and her jaw drops.] Daisy Mason: We've some ham. Mrs Hughes: Oh, my God. [Mrs Hughes goes after Ethel.] Daisy Mason: Who was that? Mrs Patmore: Wasn't that Ethel? Di-- did you see what she was carrying? Daisy Mason: No. Mrs Patmore: Then just...let's leave it alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - DAY] Mrs Bryant: I'm afraid Downton will be a place of pilgrimage for a while. Cora, Countess of Grantham: We're glad to be, if we can help to bring some peace of mind. Mr Bryant: There's no point in wallowing in it. What good does it do? Ethel: Leave me alone! Mrs Hughes: Ethel! [Ethel rushes into the room with Charlie, Mrs Hughes and Anna in pursuit. The luncheon party is shocked.] Anna: I tried to stop her-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: What on earth? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Ethel-- (to Robert) I know what this is. Mrs Hughes, I don't think it's quite the right-- Ethel: I'm stopping...until I've had my say. [Ethel looks at Mrs Bryant.] Ethel: This is Charlie, your grandson. He's almost a year old. [Mr Bryant stands up and throws his napkin on the table.] Mr Bryant: What proof have you? Ethel: What? Mr Bryant: I say, what proof have you? If my son was the father of this boy, where's your proof? Any letters? Any signed statement? Ethel: Why would there be any letters? We were in the same house. Mrs Hughes: I think she's telling the truth. Mr Bryant: I'm not interested in "think." I want proof that my son acknowledged paternity of this boy. If what you say is true, then he would've known of the boy's existence for months before he...before he was killed. Ethel: Yes, he knew. Mr Bryant: So, what did he do about it? Ethel (close to tears): Nothing. He did nothing. Mr Bryant: Thank you. That's the proof I was looking for. If Charles was the father, he would never have shirked his responsibilities. Never. Ethel: Well, he did! Mr Bryant: I won't listen to any more slander! [Mrs Bryant is clearly upset, and not in agreement with her husband.] Mr Bryant: Now, will you please go and take that boy with you, whoever he is! You're upsetting Mrs Bryant! [Cora stares at Mr Bryant, appalled at his behaviour.] Mrs Bryant: Well, I would like-- Mr Bryant: I said you are upsetting Mrs Bryant! [Ethel cries.] Mr Bryant: Lord Grantham, are you going to stand by while this woman holds us to ransom? [Robert gives Mr Bryant an irritated look, but stands up.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: This isn't doing much good. Mrs Hughes: Ethel, you better come with me. Come on. [Anna and Mrs Hughes escort Ethel out with Charlie crying in her arms. Robert and Mr Bryant take their seats.] Mr Bryant: She thinks we're a soft touch. They hear of a dead officer with some money behind them and suddenly there's a baby on every corner. Isobel Crawley: But if she's telling the truth-- Mr Bryant: If Charles had fathered that boy, he would've told us. No, I'd say she's done her homework and discovered he was an only child. She thinks we'd be ripe for the plucking. [The luncheon continues and Mrs Bryant turns to Isobel.] Mrs Bryant: You knew her. Was she one of the nurses when he was here? Cora, Countess of Grantham: She was a housemaid. Sir Richard Carlisle: Were you aware? Lady Mary: No. Isobel Crawley: No one told me Major Bryant was your only son. Mrs Bryant: That's right. Just Charles. Isobel Crawley: Matthew is my only son, and he nearly died. I think I know a little of what you're going through. Mrs Bryant: He seems such a nice young man-- Mr Bryant: Well, I think that's cast rather a shadow over the proceding, so I don't see any point in prolonging it. [Mr Bryant gets up and exits, Cora follows him, and everyone else rises, too.] Mr Bryant: Daphne, come on, we're leaving. Mrs Bryant (to Isobel): He's afraid of his own grief. That's why he behaves as he does. He's terrified of his own grief. [Everyone stands there as Mrs Bryant exits with Robert.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Ethel: If that's what he's like, I don't want his help. I don't want it. O'Brien: I doubt you'll have the option. You're a dark horse. How did you keep it a secret all this time? Anna: Maybe when he's thought about it, he'll feel differently. You never know. [Carson enters.] Mr Carson: Anna, will you kindly go upstairs and help in the dining room? Ethel, please take the child and leave. [Ethel takes Charlie from Anna's arms.] Mr Carson: How did you get here? Ethel: I caught the bus and walked up from the village. Mr Carson: Then can you reverse the process as quickly as possible. Mr Bates: She's very badly shaken, Mr Carson. She's lost everything. Mr Carson: Are you all right for the fare? Ethel: Yes, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert sees off the Bryants.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Lady Mary: He's their only grandchild. There can never be another. Sir Richard Carlisle: Even if Ethel is telling the truth-- Cora, Countess of Grantham: I believe she is. Sir Richard Carlisle: Even so, there's no legal reality to it. The child is her b*st*rd and has no claim on them. [The ladies react to that.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Steady on, sir. The ladies have had enough shocks for one day. Sir Richard Carlisle: I just don't see the point in pretending something can be done when it can't. Matthew: What about you, mother? Can't one of your refugee charities help? Isobel Crawley: But she's not a refugee, and we have more claims on our funding than we can possibly meet. Lady Mary: The truth is, Ethel's made her choice and now she's stuck with it. Lavinia: That seems a little hard. Lady Mary: Does it? Aren't all of us stuck with the choices we make? [Mary calmly drinks her tea while the others blanch at her coldness.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS, STORAGE - DAY] Mrs Patmore: Candied pear, well, well. I never thought you'd find that. Thomas: I hope you're pleased, Mrs Patmore. Daisy Mason: Course she is, aren't you? There's stuff here we haven't seen since before the war. I can't wait to get started. Mrs Patmore: I won't ask where you got it from, because I don't want to know. Thomas: I keep saying there's nothing wrong, so what I'd like to know is-- O'Brien: When will he get paid? Mrs Patmore: When I'm satisfied. O'Brien: And when will that be, oh Mighty One? Mrs Patmore: When Daisy's baked the cake and I'm pleased with it. He understands. He knows this is just the sprat to catch the mackerel. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MATTHEW'S GUEST BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Bates helps Matthew into his wheelchair.] Matthew: I really ought to walk to the library. Mr Bates: No need to rush it, sir. You're getting better every day. [A knock at the door. Mr Bates opens it] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, Cousin Matthew, may I come in? Matthew: Please. [Matthew tries to get up in her presence.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No, no, no. No, stay where you are. (to Bates as he exits and closes the door) Thank you. [Matthew sits back down.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No doubt you will regard this as rather unorthodox, my pushing into a man's bedroom uninvited. Matthew: Well, erm- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: It's just I don't want us to be disturbed. [She sits down.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I'm sure you know how pleased I am that you will recover after all. Matthew: Thank you. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Just as I am delighted that you can once more look forward to a...to a happy married life. Matthew: I-I'm very lucky. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Now, this may come as a surprise, but I feel I must say it all the same. Matthew: Please do. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mary is still in love with you. Matthew: What? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I was watching her the other night when you spoke of your wedding. She looked like...Juliet on awakening in the tomb. Matthew: Mary and I have always- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Of course, I suspected long ago that the flame hadn't quite gone out. But then there was no chance of your recovery, and it seemed best to let her try for happiness where she could. Matthew: I-I quite agree, and--and Sir Richard is-- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No, le-let's not muddy the pool by discussing Sir Richard. The point is, you loved her once, you sure you can't love her again? Matthew: Cousin Violet, I...please don't think I mind your...speaking to me in this way. I quite admire it, but...consider this: Lavinia came back against my orders, determined to look after me for the rest of my life, which meant that she would wash me and f--feed me and...do things that only the most dedicated nurse would undertake, and all with no hope of children or any improvement. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Yes. Yes, it's all very admirable, and I give her full credit. Matthew: Giving her that credit, do you think it would be right for me to throw her over because I can walk? To dismiss her because I no longer have need of her services? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Spoken like a man of honour. And we will not fall out over this. Matthew: But you don't agree. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I would just say one thing. Marriage is a long business. There's no getting out of it for our kind of people. I mean, you may live forty...fifty years with one of these two women. Just make sure you have selected the right one. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Lady Edith: Will it be April or May? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I should steer clear of May. Marry in May, rue the day. Lavinia: I think it's April. Matthew should be walking normally by then. Lady Edith: Spring weddings are the prettiest of all. [Across the room.] Sir Richard Carlisle: All this talk of weddings is making me impatient. Lady Mary: I don't think we can go into competition with Matthew and Lavinia, do you? Sir Richard Carlisle: After them, in the summer, let's settle it before I return to London. You must be looking forward to travelling again. I know I am. Lady Mary: Very well, the end of July. Then we can be out of England for August. Sir Richard Carlisle: You don't sound very excited. Lady Mary: To quote you, "That's not who we are." And there's something I've been meaning to ask you. [Matthew wheels himself into the room.] Lady Edith: Hail to the hero. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Ah, here we are. Lady Mary: Why did you try to bribe Anna? Sir Richard Carlisle: She told you, did she? Lady Mary: She didn't. Not me. But why did you do it? [Matthew stops by the fireplace and Lavinia asks him if he wants help getting up with a look. Matthew holds out a hand. He'll do it himself.] Lady Mary: Next time if you want to know anything, just ask me. [Matthew stands up.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well done. [They applaud.] Sir Richard Carlisle: All right, then. I will. Once and for all, are you still in love with Matthew Crawley? Lady Mary: Of course not. Would I ever admit to loving a man who preferred someone else over me? [Mary walks away and sits down next to Violet.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: ...find it rather a chore these days. Lady Mary: Where's Sybil? Lady Edith: She's not feeling well. She told Anna she wouldn't be down for dinner. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Anna: What is it? Mr Bates: I heard from my lawyer today. Apparently Vera wrote to a friend just before my last visit. Anna: Why are they telling you now? Mr Bates: It was only delivered a few days ago. Anna: Do you know what the letter says? Mr Bates: They send me a copy. [Bates pulls it out of his jacket pocket and hands it to Anna. She opens it.] Anna: "John has written he's coming here tonight. His words sound as angry as I've ever heard him, and you know how angry that is. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm afraid for my life." But what did you write to her? [Bates waits for a servant to pass by.] Mr Bates: I said I was coming that evening, that I meant to have it out with her. Now, I may have said she was being unreasonable, but so she was. Anna: Will it change anything? Mr Bates: Well, think about it. Before Vera's death, she had taken all my money and she had wrecked the divorce. Now as her widower, I inherit everything and we can marry whenever we like. [Mrs Hughes descends the stairs.] Mrs Hughes: Anna, they're going in. [Anna gives Bates the letter and heads upstairs.] Mrs Hughes: You look as if you got the cares of the world on your shoulders. Mr Bates: Not the whole world, Mrs Hughes, but quite enough of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM CORRIDOR, NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary knocks on Sybil's door.] Lady Mary: Sybil? [Mary tries the door knob, but it's locked.] Lady Mary: Sybil, I just want to say goodnight. [Mary knocks again with no response, then hurries off with a furrowed brow.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - NIGHT] Anna: Mrs Hughes, can I borrow the duplicate keys for upstairs? Mrs Hughes: Why? Anna: Lady Mary says one of the bathroom keys isn't working. She thinks it must've got swapped. [Mrs Hughes shakes her head with a sigh.] Mrs Hughes: I'll come. Anna: Oh, no, there's no need. I'll bring it back in a jiffy. You've done enough for one day. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna opens the room for Mary and they find it empty. Mary finds a note on the mantelpiece "To my family" and opens it.] Lady Mary: Oh, my God, she's eloped. She's on her way to Gretna Green. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. MOTORCAR - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith drives with Mary and Anna in pursuit of Sybil and Branson.] Lady Mary: They must stop at some point. It won't be open before the morning. Lady Edith: She won't expect us to be in pursuit until tomorrow, so they'll stay somewhere on the road. Anna: We hope. Lady Edith: Everyone keep an eye out for the motor. Lady Mary: Anna: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy turns the lights on and opens the cupboard with the wedding cake with a smile.] Mrs Patmore: Daisy, what in God's name are you doing down here at this hour? Daisy Mason: I just wanted to check it were all right. That it hadn't, you know, caved in or anything. Mrs Patmore: Caved in? It's a cake, not a souffl . Daisy Mason: I know, but I've never made a wedding cake before. Mrs Patmore: Is that the one for tasting? Daisy Mason: Yes, Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: Bring it out, we'll give it a try. [Daisy takes the slice off the shelf and Mrs Patmore cuts off a sliver and they both try it. They gag.] Mrs Patmore: What in God's name d'you call this? Daisy Mason: I don't know. I did everything that you said, I promise. Mrs Patmore: But didn't you taste the mixture? [Daisy shakes her head.] Mrs Patmore: (sigh) Well, then I'm afraid it's time to look at Thomas's ingredients. [Mrs Patmore tastes the flour and spits it out.] Mrs Patmore: Well, it's two-thirds plaster dust! Where's the [?]? [Daisy fetches it from the shelf. Mrs Patmore tastes it and gags again.] Mrs Patmore: This were old when Adam were a boy. (huff) So, Thomas was happy to let it go, was he? Well, he won't go anywhere near me in future. Chuck the whole bally lot out and we'll have to think again. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. MOTORCAR - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [The girls continue their pursuit on the road. They pass an inn with a couple of motorcars out front.] Anna: Isn't that the car? [Edith slams on the brakes.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE SWAN INN - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Edith rush up the stairs. Mary knocks on the door and enters. Sybil and Branson pull off blankets as Branson gets up from the chair and Sybil gets up from the bed.] Branson: How did you find us? How did you know? Lady Mary: Never mind that. At least nothing's happened, thank God. Lady Sybil: What do you mean "nothing's happened"? [Branson looks at Sybil, worried and confused about what she's implying.] Lady Sybil: I've decided to marry Tom, and your coming after me won't change that. [Branson steps up beside Sybil confidently.] Lady Edith: This isn't the way. Lady Mary: She's right. Of course Mama and Papa will hate it-- Branson: Why should they? Lady Mary: Oh, pipe down. Sybil, can't you let them get used to the idea? Take your stand and refuse to budge, but allow them time. That way you won't have to break up the family. Lady Sybil: They would never give permission. Lady Mary: You don't need permission, you're twenty-one. But you do need their forgiveness if you're not to start your new life under a black shadow. Branson: Don't listen. She's pretending to be reasonable to get you home again. Lady Mary: Even if I am, even if I think this is mad, I know it would be better to do it in broad daylight than to sneak off like a thief in the night. [Branson sighs, then looks at Sybil as he sees her resolve waning. She looks up at him and he knows Mary won.] Branson: Go back with them, then. If you think they can make you happier than I will. Lady Sybil: Am I so weak you believe I could be talked out of giving my heart in five minutes flat? But Mary's right. I don't like deceit and our parents don't deserve it. So, I'll go back with them. Believe it or not, I will stay true to you. [Sybil kisses his cheek. Edith gets Sybil's luggage and Sybil takes one last teary-eyed look at Branson before leaving the room with Edith.] Branson: I'll return the car in the morning. You're confident you can bring her 'round, aren't you? Lady Mary: Fairly. I'll certainly try. [Mary turns to leave, but pauses.] Lady Mary: Do you want some money? For the room? Branson: No thank you, my lady. I can pay my own way. [Mary exits and Branson closes the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Where are the girls? Robert, Earl of Grantham: I suppose Sybil's still ill and the others just haven't appeared. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I hope they're not coming down with anything. The stories of this Spanish flu are too awful. Robert, Earl of Grantham: No, it's nothing of the sort. Why are you up so early? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm meeting Isobel. She wants me to help with her refugees. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I thought the whole point of Mama arranging that was to keep her out of your hair. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I know. But now the soldiers are, I do have a lot of time on my hands, and maybe I can be useful. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why is it different from before the war? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well, I don't know exactly, it just is. Maybe the war's changed me. I guess it's changed everybody. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not me. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't be too sure. [Cora gives him a kiss on the cheek before she heads out.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: If I'm not back before luncheon, don't wait. [Mr Carson removes a breakfast dish.] Mr Carson: I'll take this down to keep it hot, my lord. [Robert sits at the table by himself, depressed. Jane inches into the room.] Jane: I wanted to catch you alone. [Robert is startled by her presence.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh? [Jane checks behind her and then approaches him at the table.] Jane: Yes. You see, I think you might be happier if I tendered my resignation. [Robert stands up.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: What? Jane: I'd hate you to be uncomfortable in your own house, and-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: I won't hear of it. Jane: But I know-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: You won't be deprived of your livelihood because I behaved in an un-gentlemanly manner. The fault was entirely mine. You will not pay the price. [They hear a noise from the servants' entrance and Jane runs out just as Carson appears around the screen. Robert picks up a letter and pretends to read it as he sits back down.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THOMAS'S SHED - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas enters, takes off his hat, pulls out a knife and slashes open a few of the food packages. He proceeds to trash the shed, yelling. Eventually he slumps into a pile.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Isobel walks in with Mary's good luck charm.] Isobel Crawley: Is this yours? Molesley found it in your dressing room. It's not one of your old toys, is it? Because I don't recognise it. Matthew: No, it was given to me as a charm, I think, to take to the front. Isobel Crawley: Well, you're home and safe now. Shall I put it in the barrel for the village children? Matthew: No. [Matthew grabs the toy dog from her and Isobel and Lavinia stare at him.] Matthew: You never know. It might be bad luck not to keep it. [Isobel smiles and Lavinia smiles back at her.] Isobel Crawley: Luncheon'll be ready soon. [Isobel exits and Matthew puts the dog in his pocket.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THOMAS'S SHED - DAY] Thomas: It's all rubbish. It's all bloody rubbish. O'Brien: Can't you ask for your money back? Thomas: Oh, yes. Of course I can ask, and a fat lot of good that'll do. O'Brien: You must challenge him. Thomas: How? I only ever met him in a pub. I wouldn't know where to find him! O'Brien: But, surely-- Thomas: [?] woman! I've been tricked! Been had! Been taken for the fool I am. [Thomas sits down for a smoke.] O'Brien: How much did he get from you? Thomas: Every penny I had. And then some. O'Brien: What are you going to do now? Thomas: I don't know. I don't bloody know.

Early February 1919. Matthew begins to feel his legs. Matthew announces that he and Lavinia intend to marry soon. Violet tells him that Mary is still in love with him, but Matthew feels obliged to marry Lavinia. Sir Richard Carlisle distresses Anna by asking her to spy on Mary; his behaviour leads Carson to reject his offer of employment. Bates realises that Vera committed suicide in order to frame him. When Major Bryant's parents visit Downton to see where their son convalesced, Mrs Hughes contrives a meeting between them and Ethel and her baby. However, Mr Bryant angrily refuses to believe her claim. Thomas embarks on a new money-making scheme in the post-war black market. Lord Grantham is attracted to the new maid, Jane, and kisses her. Lady Sybil makes the drastic decision to elope with Branson. However, Mary discovers her plan and, along with Edith and Anna, seeks them out and persuades Sybil to return and plead her cause openly to their parents.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x14

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x14_0

Ted (2030): There are ways to relieve stress. Woman: You'll have a few minutes, Mr. Stinson. Ted (2030): Many people bite their nails. Others tap their feet.And others imagine themselves to be interviewed by renowned sports commentator Jim Nantz. Jim: Hi friends, any sport has had its icon, which it excels. Ali was boxing, basketball had Jordan, and the sport of sleeping with bombs snuff chance, my next guest, Mr Barney Stinson.Barney, welcome. Barney: Thank you, Jim. I'm glad to be back on the show. Jim: It's good to have you. And you know, the statistics, they really speak for themselves. Over 200 women spread over 6 continents, 17 countries, 74 sexual positions, and not a single bead. Impressive. But even with all these successes, there has always been an escape for you. Which brings us back to last week. Tell us about our history. Barney: Hold on, Jimbo, it is extraordinary. First night... Barney, Ted, Lily and Marshall are at McLaren's. Barney: It all started when I decided to start a small challenge. Marshall: Oh my God. Wow. Ted: He decides his victim. Barney: Whatever the girl I'm trying to point is that I go with her tonight. And... they're off! Barney gets up and goes to see a girl at the counter. Marshall: Hi! Robin: Hi! Lily: How did it go with Dale? Robin: You know, sometimes, the guy with thick glasses and a t-shirt of the Smurfs, it's just a cliche. And sometimes it is a moron with a squint and a platonic relationship with Gargamel. Lily: Robin, this is not because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character for your first date it can not be your future. Marshall: The Yeti is not fictitious. Ted, from seeing Barney: That was fast. Jim: So, the first night was pretty normal. Barney: Jim, there is nothing in my usual way to pack. Jim: Respect. Which brings us to the second night. Second night... Barney: That brings us to the second night. You see the bomb that pampers its Black Russian (Vodka and coffee liqueur)? She left to exchange it with a White American. Enter me five! You know... If you're not careful, you'll lose me. Robin: Guys, when Dale called for a second hot date, what do I tell her? Marshall: How do you know he'll call? Robin: How cute, Marshall. But I think mom knows when she was a hit. I mean, he could not help but look at me. Ted: And well, do not push too. People can be fragile. And sometimes, without even trying, you can tear someone's heart, and crush it in front of a roomful of 26 people and a teacher's assistant. Lily: How it happened at school today, Ted? Ted: Something bad happened. This was the first course of the semester... Flashback Ted: Jamie Adamic. Salvation. Brian Glow-atz. Glau-atz?Salvation. Well done. Add a false name on the call sheet, very original guys. You know, I expected a little maturity, coming from students like you, and frankly, more creative. I mean, seriously, what kind of fake name is Jen Coulin? Student: Present. Ted: Come on guys, you would have at least been able to make it sound right. Jen Coulin? Student: Present. Ted: What happened to classic? Sat Troulcu, Ted and Bill Oukoi, Maby Stoukette, Roland Cule, that's false names, but Jen Coulin? Student: Here. Ted: Jen Coulin! Student: It's just there. End flashback Lily, Marshall and Robin laugh at Ted. Ted: Come on, I wait, swing all your jokes about Jen Coulin. Lily: We will not make jokes, Ted. I mean, this girl must really be in the hole. Marshall: You really soiled the name of Jen Coulin. Ted: Have you finished? Robin: You asked him if she had reached the right exit? Lily: Wow, two in a row, Barney is thoroughly. Barney leaves the bar together. Robin: This is a lucky girl, Barney was my best shot. Ted: And this is the best friend I ever had. Lily: It is everything I love that Marshall either. Marshall: It's all I want to be. Barney: I guess that's just what they said when I was gone. Jim: I believe it. You are awesome. Now, night 3. Describe it to us. Barney: Jim, I can tell you that I was gone, so I wanted a little spice. Third night... Barney: I think I'll take small tits tonight. Lily: You're yucky. Barney: Lily, it's people too. Wendy: That's your burgers. Marshall: thank you. Lily: Thank you. Ted: You share it? Your share forever. Lily: Of course not! Marshall: There is no such Bizarros who share everything. Robin: Of course I do. Ted: That's exactly what you are. Lily: It is perfectly normal. Robin: What's happening guys? Marshall: You know, Lily and I was looking for a new couple of friends since we lost Robin and Barney, and Ted and Stella and Ted and Robin, and Ted... Ted and Victoria, when do you arrive to keep one? Ted: How we came up with that? Lily: It was a great day out at 4 it was cool, we were relaxed, it was not freaked out. Marshall: And there, a tiny detail has surfaced, and it ruined the whole evening. Flashback Man:... and the toothbrush Joanna is ejected from the sink, facing the ceiling, and falls straight down the toilet. Marshall: It's crazy that last week, it happened the same with our toothbrushes. Woman: Our toothbrush? End flashback Ted: Our toothbrush? Jim: Our toothbrush? Flashback Lily: Yeah. Male: As in, a toothbrush? End flashback Robin: As in, a toothbrush? You use both? Jim: Every day? Flashback Lily: That's weird? End flashback All Super Bizarre. Ted: Marshall, 4 of 5 dentists have just vomited on. Robin: Hey, look, Barney has yet fallen one. Lily: Wow. 3 girls in 3 nights. This is gross, even from Barney. Ted: Yuck? Are you kidding? There is no one left to do... Marshall: Do not tell! You're going to jinx him! Lily: Wear what bad luck? Barney: I had left to do... flawless. GENERIC Barney: It was faultless. 7 nights, 7 girls, 0 rejection. Jim: Awesome. I mean, it's the equivalent of sexual perfect game in baseball, in even harder. Barney: Yeah. The only player in history to have accomplished both Pete was Drexell 'The mustache' in 1896. Jim: It was not the first time you were about to accomplish. So you knew that one mistake, and we reach the end. Sometimes a teammate makes a mistake. Sometimes a minefield... Barney: You and me in the closet of the Spanish supermarket next door. Jim:... takes you straight into the wall. And sometimes you spread yourself. And it almost always ends badly. But this week, you were to 3 of 3, and no sign of abating. Barney: I can even say, without a fault. I'd love to say the same of my friends. Fourth night... Ted: Jen has not come into being today. Marshall: Excuse me, Jen? Robin: Yeah, Ted, we know tons of people who call Jen. Marshall: Yeah. Ted: Jen Coulin. Robin: Oh, you're there. The dreaded call from Dale. Oh, that's my mother. She has big health problems. But why does he not call? Lily: Wait a second. Want it called? Robin: No! Shut up! You have not a kind of toothbrush to share or something like that? Ted: Yeah. When did you start doing that too? Marshall: It's been years! You had to know, you lived with us. Ted: Yeah, but you always keep your toothbrush in the bathroom, which is, incidentally, also weird. Lily: We kept her in the bathroom. Ted: No, there was a toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine. Robin: Wait. Are you saying that for 8 years, you have shared a toothbrush every 3? Marshall: Oh my god! Ted: Finish me! Robin: I'm having so much! Barney comes in with a woman. Jim: So you're at four, he'll just make a 5 to 7. Barney: Well done, Jim. Jim: Hey, I try. I'm not you. It was then comes the night No 5, and trouble with. Fifth night... Ted: Beer! Salvation. Marshall: Hi. How is Barney? Ted: Like a charm. As all week. Marshall: Yeah? Hard to believe. Ted: Why? Marshall: Apparently, this big merger last week went wrong, and Barney wears the hat. Lily: Oh, it's weird. He said nothing. Marshall: Even I who works with him, I just learned this afternoon when I walked past the office of his boss. Flashback Marshall is in front of the boss's office where Barney is lecturing. Pattern:... what it has cost this company, Stinson?! Marshall: I never thought about Barney so scared. End flashback Marshall: I think he'll get fired. Ted: I can not believe that Barney is going to get fired. Marshall: Yeah, they have a meeting Friday to see if he keeps his job or not. Robin: Poor guy. It must pinball. Lily: I'll go talk to him. Ted: No! You can not distract a man who is right... you know what. Lily: Come on, it's his career. This is much more important than a stupid without... Marshall: Ahh! Okay. You can lick my hand all you want, I will not let you ruin... Ouch! Lily: It must go talk to him. Ted: I'm going. He needs a brother. Hey buddy. Barney: Hey! Ted: Is everything okay? Barney: Absolutely. A background. It could not get better. I make fun of that? I need you. Ted: Anything you want. What's the matter? Barney: Which of these girls look the most stupid? Ted: Let's see it. Already heated to perfection? The smashed out? Ok I will deal for Big Mac. Barney: Thank you, Skip. Lily: So what did he say? Ted: What? Oh, it will try with the girl holding the burger there. Lily: You were supposed to talk about his loss of job. Ted: Lily, why is that force him to face a problem that can not adjust will help? Lily: And why ignore it will fix things? Ted: You're much ignored the problems of dental hygiene for a dozen years. And yet you seem to... Lily: Jen Coulin! Robin: Jen Coulin. Ted: Dale you called? Robin: Why do you... Marshall: Guys, guys, look! [SCENE_BREAK] Barney leaves the bar once again on the arm of a young woman. Jim: Barney, I will interrupt you one second, I must ask you something. Have you ever taken Viagra? Barney: No, sir. I like to play by the rules. While I can not say I did not propose to. Flashback Barney is at Lily and Marshall. Marshall: It was pretty awesome. You should try it. I still have a few. Barney: No thank you. Marshall: You sure? Ok, do as you like. What time is it? Barney: It's 8:00. Marshall: 8:00? I have to go to hospital. End flashback Barney: I've never touched. I can pee in a jar if you like, Jim Nantz. Jim: Barney, I trust you. I miss you even ask the question. Let's talk about the night 6. Two girls prepared to perfection. Sixth night... Ted:... seriously guys. Barney joined Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin's apartment. Marshall: Hey! Ted: Hey, what are you doing here? Returns to the bar! Barney: Ted, relax. I am already 6 of 6. Ted: Really? Barney: Yeah. I ate at the Tavern of vegetables, I started talking to the Swedish Top Model, and the next moment we batifolait in the back of a carriage. Go my beautiful, Hue! Ted: Great. What really happened? Barney: I ate at the "Staten Island Chili's," and I jumped a hairdresser completely stuffed. Are you happy, Ulysses? Lily: Barney, we know that you are going you may get fired. Wait, you ought to speak. You turn away from reality, kissing unnecessarily on all sides. Barney: No vain, ok? Between number 5 and I, there was a connection. She will resume her studies, she has a child or who is studying... something with "studies". Ted: Now my students have taught me that Jen Coulin abandon my material. Marshall: Oh, my God, you've really pushed to the limit. Robin: It scales all his education in the toilet. Ted: News from Dale? Robin: It's only been five days, he will call! Marshall: What do you care? You said it was a big con. Robin: Tell Dale not like that, ok? It is twice as good as you never will! Lily: God forbid, if you manage to find a job, sell your apartment.Marshall and I, we have a free room. You can stay as long as you want. Robin: Forget not you bring your toothbrush. Ted: Lily, what are you doing? Lily: I talk to my friend who is going through a difficult period. Marshall: He's doing very well. Lily: Try to sleep with seven women in seven nights, that's not what I would call "very well get out." It is a cry for help. Ted: His whole life is a call for help. But we do not mess with a man who is in the midst of a no... Lily: What? Without fault? Flawless, faultless, flawless! Grow up a little! Barney takes his jacket and leaves. Jim: Unbelievable. You know, there are two things that do not.First: you do not open an email from Phil Simms to your children.And second: you do not wear bad luck to a man on track to flawless. Barney: I do not know what to tell you, Lily is always trying to ruin me any. Jim: I think she cracked a bit for the Barnacle. Barney: You have the eye to notice such details, Jim Nantz. Seventh night... In McLaren's. Ted: I can not believe that thou hast brought him bad luck. Marshall: He has no chance. Lily: Ok, I have a question. If I ruined everything, why is it that Barney is in the process of hanging the girl three martinis in there? Ted: Oh, my God! Marshall: There's going to happen! Lily: Yeah, you know? Doors-jinx, it does not exist. Jim: Do not tell me that she dared to say "The door-jinx, it does not exist." Barney: I wish I had power. Jim: You were about to achieve something so beautiful. Barney: Well, thank you to her, the only thing that can prevent a stroke insured was about to walk out the door. A member of the New York Yankees World Champions in 2009. Marshall: Lily, I'll buy my own toothbrush. Ted: Well, that's it. Barney's still got to 6. Robin: What? Why? Because the guy with the weird cut went back? Marshall: This is Nick Swisher. It is part of the New York Yankees. No regular guy from New York can not compete with a Yankee. Ted: And this is true for a former Yankee. When I arrived here, I was the fourth date with a girl I loved a lot before I do the fly by Phil Rizzuto. Marshall: I was there. Damn, this guy could play. Robin: I'm still not. Lily: Ok, let me do it the Canadian So how do you react if one of those guys with skates and sticks came back here? Robin: Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks came here, I fall on my ass so that there would be a hole halfway to China in the soil. Ted: It's the same thing for the Yankees. Robin: Oh, Barney's done. Marshall: It's happening, look. Barney: You wanna come to my house and watch the collection of snowballs? Marshall: A collection of snow globes? Ted: He is pinball. Woman: It's Nick Swisher! Overall: Nice try. Ted: It was well played, well played, well played. Barney: But not play well enough. All this week was a waste of time. And tomorrow I'm getting fired. Marshall: I'm sorry. But for what it's worth, this week was not a waste of time. We all had a horrible week, and you have helped us change a little air. Ted: Yeah, I got my first drop. Robin: I met my soul mate, and he never called back. Well, not yet. He will. He will. Marshall: We frightened a couple great just because we share a toothbrush. Barney: You share a toothbrush? Robin: Well, they and Ted. Barney:... Huh? Ted: Wait a minute. When we went out together, you borrow the toothbrush all the time. Robin: Oh, sh1t. Ted (2030): And that's when Aunt Lily has seen what is great about sport, they make you forget about your problems, but only for a little while. And deep within us, we all needed this flawlessly. Ted: At the second she sits next to Swisher, we reach the end. Marshall: Wait a minute! Aldrin was seen. She tries to escape, she jumps, and... I thought she would not do that. Woman: Oh my God, are you? Lily: Yeah, sorry. I'm so clumsy! Oh, thank you. I think I twisted my ankle. Do what you can bring me some ice? Woman: Sure. Marshall: She did! I believe that there is no jinx finally. Wendy: I'm bringing ice, Lily. Marshall: Damn. Swisher is back in play Swisher is back in play! Ted: Follow me. Hey, Nick Swisher! This guy and his wife share a toothbrush! Nick: And? Ted: And it's weird, right? Nick: Actually, I think it's cute. Are we not try to find someone who could share his toothbrush? Marshall: I'm sorry. Lily, Nick Swisher think it's cute. Barney: Martini? Ted: You take a beer with a Yankee, if that's not cool! Robin: That's great, I'm all baseball. Mookie Wilson, while a player eh? Nick: Yeah, baseball is great, but I tell you, this is not hockey. Robin: I live just above. Woman: What do you say we go home? Barney: Wow, to be honest, this is not my habit, but I feel a real connection, Number 7... Christy. I beg you. I did it! I did it! Ted and Marshall are Barney. Jim: Unbelievable. Congratulations on your faultless. Barney: Thank you, Jim. I would never have done it without the help of my friends. Jim: Hey, on another subject, you really think you could get fired today? Barney: Uh, Jim, I told you I wanted to talk about it. Jim: Barney, I go straight from your imagination, so apparently we must talk! Think about it. Barney: What a c**t. Jim: You're the idiot. Woman: Mr. Donovan will see you now. Mr Donovan: Stinson, we made a decision. We keep you. I know this last week has been hard. Barney: I barely slept. The band is at the bar. Marshall: That's the guy, the official caps of no fault of Barney. I was going to make t-shirts, but you know, sizes, all that, and it would hurt me to think. Lily: In commemoration, at the entrance to the Barney legend, this tie, worn during his seventh night of her flawless, freshly removed. Marshall: May the heroic story of Barney to be remembered, and transmitted from generation to generation. Ted: I already see myself in front of my children, trying to tell them when their uncle Barney kissed 7 chicks in a row. Ted (2030): Is what I'm a bad father? In McLaren's... Wendy: A command to Coulin Jen? It has a large commission for Jen Coulin here. Ted: You send Wendy to say now? Go! It's good, I understood.Jen Coulin is a crap name, and it becomes increasingly shitty when it is repeated. Jen Coulin. Jen Coulin. Jen Coulin. Jen: Present.

When Barney is about to complete the perfect week - landing seven different girls in seven days - the gang roots him on in order to forget about their own miserable week.

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PYRAMIDS OF MARS BY: "STEPHEN HARRIS" (ROBERT HOLMES AND LEWIS GREIFER) Part One Running time: 25:22 [SCENE_BREAK] SCARMAN (OOV.): Gently. Be careful. That's it. SCARMAN: It's perfect. It's absolutely untouched. The reliquaries are still sealed. Look at this. Great heaven, this tomb must date back to the First Dynasty of the Pharaohs. How many thousands of years since the priests sealed the inner chamber and draped this tapestry across the entrance? SCARMAN: Achmed, your lantern, man. Quickly, quickly. It's the Eye of Horus. ACHMED: No, Professor Scarman! SCARMAN: Come back! Come back! I need your help! Superstitious savage. I've come too far to turn back now. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Hey, Doctor. Doctor, look what I've found. DOCTOR: Hello, Vicky. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: Hmm? Where did you get that dress? SARAH: I just told you. I found it back there in the wardrobe. Why, don't you like it? DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I always did. Victoria wore it. She travelled with me for a time. SARAH: Well, as long as Albert didn't wear it. Oh, come on, Doctor. That's worth a smile, surely? What's the matter? You should be glad to be going home. DOCTOR: The Earth isn't my home, Sarah. I'm a Time Lord. SARAH: I know you're a Time Lord. DOCTOR: You don't understand the implications. I'm not a human being. I walk in eternity. SARAH: What's that supposed to mean? DOCTOR: It means I've lived for something like seven hundred and fifty years. SARAH: Oh, you'll soon be middle aged. DOCTOR: Yes! About time I found something better to do than run around after the Brigadier. SARAH: Oh, come on. If you're tired of being UNIT's scientific advisor, you can always resign. SARAH: What was it? DOCTOR: The relative continuum stabiliser failed. SARAH: No, not that. I mean the thing. DOCTOR: What thing? SARAH: There was a terrible face just for a second, then it was gone. You don't believe me, do you. DOCTOR: Nothing can enter the TARDIS. Unless SARAH: Unless what? DOCTOR: Mental projection of that force is beyond imagination, yet it might explain the stabiliser failure. Let's see. Was it at this end of the spectrum? SARAH: No, Doctor, don't! Whatever it was, I know it was totally malevolent. DOCTOR: We've landed. SARAH: Where? Where have we landed? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: We've materialised at the correct point in space, but obviously not in time. A temporal reverse? Some vast impulse of energy has drawn the TARDIS off course. SARAH: You're saying this in UNIT HQ, but years before I knew it? DOCTOR: Yes. SARAH: But it's so different. It can't be the same house. DOCTOR: It must be the old priory. The UNIT house was built on the site. SARAH: The old priory was burnt down, wasn't it? DOCTOR: Something's very wrong. SARAH: Doctor, I don't like it here. DOCTOR: Something's going on contrary to the laws of the universe. I must find out what. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLINS: Excuse me, sir. NAMIN: Get out. Get out of here! (he stops playing) How dare you disturb me? Get out. Get out at once! COLLINS: I'm sorry, sir, but the gentleman insisted. NAMIN: Gentleman? What gentleman? COLLINS: He's an old friend of Professor Scarman, sir. NAMIN: I ordered that no one was to be admitted, Collins. I told you no callers! WARLOCK: Don't blame Collins. Forced entry, sir. NAMIN: This is outrageous. WARLOCK: Call it what you like. I've a few questions to put to you. NAMIN: All right, Collins. NAMIN: So you have some questions? WARLOCK: My name is Warlock. Doctor Warlock. I live in the village, and Professor Scarman is my oldest friend. NAMIN: I am Ibrahim Namin. WARLOCK: I know your name. It's your business that I am concerned with. Called at the lodge on my way up. Had a word with Scarman's brother, Laurence. He tells me you've had the infernal impudence to bar him from this house. NAMIN: I am acting under instructions from Professor Scarman. WARLOCK: I don't believe it. NAMIN: I have his letter of authority. I have brought back from Egypt all the relics discovered by the Professor on his recent expedition. My orders are to store them safely and allow no one admittance to the Professor himself returns. That is an end to it, Doctor Warlock. WARLOCK: Oh, no, sir. Not by a long chalk! [SCENE_BREAK] WARLOCK (OOV.): I came here to find out what's going on, and I'm not leaving until I do. (Storage room] DOCTOR: Why bother to lock an internal door? SARAH: Maybe this wing of the house isn't in use. It smells musty enough. DOCTOR: That isn't all must, Sarah. Some of it's mummy. French picklock. Never fails. Belonged to Marie Antoinette. Charming lady. Lost her head, poor thing. DOCTOR: Of course, it would make an ideal headquarters for some paramilitary organisation. This room could easily be turned into a laboratory. Oh, hello. COLLINS: Who are you? How did you get in here? DOCTOR: Through the window. I understood the property was for sale. No? COLLINS: Ah, you're not fooling me, sir. You came with Doctor Warlock, didn't you. DOCTOR: Did we? COLLINS: He asked you to scout round whilst he kept his nibs busy. Listen, if you're a friend of Doctor Warlock, sir, tell him to watch out. SARAH: Watch out for what? COLLINS: The Egyptian. There's no knowing what he might do. He's got the temper of the devil himself. DOCTOR: Egyptian, eh? Is this where he keeps his relatives? COLLINS: It's no joke, sir. He's only been here a few days. I wouldn't be staying, but, well, situations aren't easy to find at my age. DOCTOR: What are you afraid of? COLLINS: He locked this wing. He didn't know there was a second key. If he were to find me along here, let alone you two, he'd go stark raving mad, sir. DOCTOR: I see. In that case, we'd better leave. COLLINS: Oh, not this way, sir. Better go the way you came. He might see you. DOCTOR: As you wish. COLLINS: And remember to tell Doctor Warlock what I said, sir. DOCTOR: Don't worry. I'll remember. [SCENE_BREAK] WARLOCK (OOV.): Utter humbug. That letter's a bogus fabrication if ever I saw one. NAMIN (OOV.): Are you alleging that it is forged? WARLOCK (OOV.): I am, sir, and I intend to prove it. NAMIN (OOV.): I warn you, Doctor Warlock, do not interfere. WARLOCK (OOV.): Are you threatening me? [SCENE_BREAK] NAMIN: It is not I who threaten. There are ancient powers gathering in this place. Powers beyond the comprehension of unbelievers. WARLOCK: Ancient balderdash. Now let me warn you, Namin. Unless you give me some straight answers, I'm going to the police. NAMIN: To say what? That a foreigner is living in Professor Scarman's house? WARLOCK: To say that he's not been seen for weeks. That his baggage is lying unclaimed in his hotel. Oh, yes, I've had some enquiries made in Cairo. WARLOCK: What the devil? [SCENE_BREAK] NAMIN: Open, the fool. WARLOCK: Poor fellow. He's been strangled. NAMIN: The gods have returned. I, Ibrahim Namin, servant of the true faith, rejoice in their power. WARLOCK: Get the police. His assailant can't have got far. NAMIN: You blind, pathetic fool. The servants of the All Powerful have arisen. When the temple is cleansed of all unbelievers, the High One himself will come among us. This is how it was written. WARLOCK: Yes, I see. Well, I still think the police NAMIN: You should have listened when I told you to leave, Warlock. Now you have seen too much. You must be the second unbeliever to die. (The Doctor lassoes Namin with his scarf just as he fires, and pulls him to the floor. SARAH (OOV.): Come on, quick. NAMIN: Abisme, Sutekh. Molachah. T'nab. [SCENE_BREAK] WARLOCK: It's no good, I can't go much further. DOCTOR: You must. We're sitting ducks if we stay here. WARLOCK: Get to the lodge. Tell Laurence DOCTOR: Laurence? WARLOCK: Marcus Scarman's brother. He live there. Knows me. DOCTOR: He needs help, Sarah. You go on ahead, find the lodge. SARAH: What about you? DOCTOR: I'll be all right. SARAH: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] NAMIN: The All Powerful descends. O noble god, your servant hears you. Namin leaves, followed by the mummy. Sarah arrives with Laurence Scarman.) LAURENCE: Oh, my dear chap. Is he badly hurt? DOCTOR: He'll be all right if we can staunch the bleeding. LAURENCE: We'd better get him back to the lodge. SARAH: Doctor, listen. I saw a mummy. A walking mummy! DOCTOR: Mummies are embalmed, eviscerated corpses. They don't walk. SARAH: But this one did. DOCTOR: Never mind about that now. [SCENE_BREAK] WARLOCK: Thank you. SARAH: Now, is there anything I can get you? WARLOCK: No, no, I'm all right now. SARAH: Just try and rest, then. LAURENCE: Well, in view of what you've told me, I'm going to fetch the police. DOCTOR: No! This is much too grave a matter for the police, Mister Scarman. LAURENCE: Too grave? DOCTOR: Yes. They'd only hamper my investigation. LAURENCE: Your investigations? DOCTOR: Yes. Why do you think I'm here? Something's interfering with time, Mister Scarman, time is my business. LAURENCE: Who are you? SARAH: Well, I'm Sarah Jane Smith. I'm a journalist. LAURENCE: Journalist? Who is your companion? SARAH: My companion? Oh, that's just the Doctor. We travel in time, Mister Scarman. I'm really from 1980. LAURENCE: That is utterly preposterous, Miss Smith. SARAH: Yes. Sorry. DOCTOR: Interesting contraption. LAURENCE: Kindly leave that alone, sir. That apparatus is delicately adjusted, and furthermore is a receiver containing highly dangerous electrical current. DOCTOR: Yes, so I see. What year is this? LAURENCE: What year? DOCTOR: It's a simple enough question, surely. LAURENCE: Are you telling me you don't know what DOCTOR: If I knew I wouldn't ask. Don't be obtuse, man. LAURENCE: Nineteen hundred and eleven. DOCTOR: Ah. Splendid. An excellent year. One of my favourites. Yes. I really must congratulate you, Mister Scarman. LAURENCE: On what? DOCTOR: Inventing the radio telescope forty years early. LAURENCE: That, sir, is a Marconiscope. It's purpose DOCTOR: Is to receive radio emissions from the stars. LAURENCE: How could you possibly know that? DOCTOR: Well, you see, Mister Scarman, I have the advantage of being slightly ahead of you. Sometimes behind you, but normally ahead of you. LAURENCE: I see. DOCTOR: I'm sure you don't, but it's very nice of you to try. Now, why don't you show me how this gadget works? LAURENCE: Do you mean you want me to DOCTOR: Please. Just a little demonstration. DOCTOR: Amazing. That's really amazing. LAURENCE: I can't switch it off! SARAH: Oh, very impressive. LAURENCE: It's never done that before. DOCTOR: Fascinating. A regular pattern repeated over and over again. SARAH: Like an SOS? DOCTOR: I wonder. Where was your aerial tuned? LAURENCE: Mars. Why? DOCTOR: I just thought I'd verify the signal. LAURENCE: What's that you have, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well, in principle it's exactly the same as the gadget you've invented, only less cumbersome. Yes, it is the same signal. Obviously automatic. Well, if it's a message, it shouldn't be difficult to decipher. They'd want to make it easy. LAURENCE: Who would? SARAH: Whoever transmitted it. DOCTOR: Now, let's see. This pattern recurs three times in one line. Let's call that E, the commonest letter in the language. DOCTOR: Beware Sutekh. SARAH: Sutekh? DOCTOR: Better known to you as Set? SARAH: Of course, Egyptian mythology. Set or Sutekh was one of their gods. He was killed by Horus, god of light. LAURENCE: Yes, but Egyptology and Mars? DOCTOR: If I'm right, the world is facing the greatest peril in its history. SARAH: Hey, wait for me. DOCTOR: No. The forces that are being summoned into corporeal existence in that house are more powerful and more dangerous than anything even I have ever encountered. Stay here. LAURENCE: I've an old hunting rifle that might come in useful. DOCTOR: I never carry firearms. LAURENCE: What I meant was that I should feel better if I could bring it. SARAH: Bring it. [SCENE_BREAK] NAMIN: All high, all powerful, most noble Lord, thy humble servant welcomes thee. NAMIN: Master, at last you are here. I, Ibrahim Namin, and all my forebears have served you faithfully through the thousands of years that you have slept. We have guarded the secret of your tomb.) ALIEN: Stand. Look upon my face. NAMIN: Great One, Lord Sutekh, I dare not. ALIEN: Look. ALIEN: Is this the face of Sutekh? NAMIN: Master, spare me. Spare me. I am a true servant of the great Sutekh. ALIEN: I am the servant of Sutekh. He needs no other. ALIEN: Die. I bring Sutekh's gift of death to all humanity.

The Doctor and Sarah are drawn off course and, instead of UNIT HQ, they arrive on the same site in 1911.

fd_FRIENDS_09x17

fd_FRIENDS_09x17_0

Aired: 3/13/2003 Teleplay by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones Story by: Robert Carlock [Scene: Ross' apartment , Chandler and Joey enter] Chandler: Hey! Ready to go? Ross: Oh yeah, let me just finish this. Joey: Hey Ross, check this out! (he tries to spin a basketball on his fingertip but he throws it against a table) yeah, I can't do that! Chandler: What are you doin'? Ross: Have you seen this? It's a new alumni website for college! It's cool! You can post messages for people, let everyone know what you're up to. Chandler: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless . Ross: It's actually kinda interesting to find out what people are doing... remember Andrea Rich? Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you? Ross: Uh uh... well, her Internet Company went under and she lost an ear in a boating accident... Chandler: Bet she'd sleep with you now... Ross: No... I already e-mailed her. Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest! Ross: You know what? I'm gonna finish this later, ok? Let me just grab my coat. Joey: Hey! (he throws the basketball against a table again) Ross: (he picks up the ball) What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room) Chandler: Maybe we finish this for him! (he sits down on the sofa and he start typing on Ross' computer) "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best s*x I've ever had"... aaand SEND! Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him! Ross: (he comes back) Alright, let's go! Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands) Ross: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house! Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button) Opening credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment] Rachel: Hey! How was basketball? Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye! Rachel: Oh, no! Who did that? Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled) Rachel: She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it? Joey: (still very puzzled) Oh, yeah... of course... yeah... it's a stuffed animal... you know... it's for kids... not for adults... I know that! Rachel: Joey... are you sure? I mean, I know how much you love him! Joey: Rachel... let's be clear on this, ok? I do not love Hugsy. I like him a normal amount... Rachel: All right... Oh, Emma loves him! Joey: Why wouldn't she? He's a wonderful person! [Scene: Central Perk] Phoebe: Hi. Monica: Hey Phoebe... how you doin'? You feelin' better? Phoebe: Breaking up sucks! Oh, I really miss Mike! Chandler: Oh, I'm so sorry! Phoebe: Oh God, I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with AARRGGHH!! (pause) Hey Monica, I really need your help getting through this... Chandler: You're not gonna need my help? Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you. Chandler: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter) Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that. Monica: Ok, you got it! Phoebe: (after a pause) Unless... Maybe it's too crazy about this... Alright so... you know, there is no future... but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. You know what? Forget what I said. Monica: Really? If that's what you want... Phoebe: That was a test and you just failed. Monica: Damn it! Rookie mistake! (Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter) Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have s*x with dinosaurs?? Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere! Ross: That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... (pause) It's not funny!! Chandler: I respectfully disagree. Ross: I can't believe you put that on my alumni page! Chandler: Who cares? Nobody reads those things Ross: You'd better hope not because I just read what you put on your page today. Chandler: I don't have a page. Ross: Oh oh oh! I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE!! [Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel and Emma are sleeping; Joey sneaks in and approaches the crib] Joey: Look at you, all sweet and innocent, sleeping like an angel... with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around ya. (he picks up Hugsy) It's okay, Emma, you stay asleep. (Emma cries) Rachel: (threatening Joey with a scrunchy): Step away from the crib, I have a weapon! Joey: It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy. Rachel: What are you doing? Joey: Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy. Rachel: Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom. Joey: (placing Hugsy back in the crib) There you go sweetie... (to Emma) This isn't over. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.] Monica: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... (reads from the screen) "gay as the day is long"? Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs. Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings) Chandler: Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day. Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge. Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something). Monica: What are you doing? Chandler: Oh, you'll see my friend. [Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross] Ross: (visibly upset) I'm dead? Chandler: (faking sympathy) And so young. Ross: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny. Chandler: Well, how you died was funny. Ross: Oh please, hit by a blimp? Chandler: It kills over one americans every year. Ross: Unbelievable, my classmates are gonna think I'm dead, my professors, my... my parents are gonna get phone calls. You're messing with people's feelings here. Chandler: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West! Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay p0rn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic. [Scene: Phoebe's apartment] Phoebe: God, I wish Mike were here. Monica: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing? (Phoebe gives her a meaningful look) Monica: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon! Phoebe: I gotta call him. Just to talk to him, there's no harm in that. Monica: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone. Phoebe: Here. Monica: And now your cell. Phoebe: Okay (she takes a huge, clearly obsolete cellphone she keeps in a closet and gives it to Monica) Monica: This is your cellphone? Phoebe: Yes. Monica: This is your current cellphone? Phoebe: Yes, it reminds me of a simpler time. Monica: Phoebe, where's your purse? (They run for Phoebe's purse, Phoebe gets there first and takes the cell. Monica tries to take it away from her) Monica: No, no! Give it to me! Phoebe: You can't have it. Monica: Give it to me! Phoebe: No (tucks it in her pants) Monica: I'll go in there. Phoebe: (disbelievingly) Oh yeah. Monica: Phoebe come here (they fight a little, the phone falls and Monica picks it up) Monica: Haha! Phoebe: Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Enter Joey] Joey: Hey, look who's here! It's Joey, and he brought home a friend. Rachel: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore. Joey: No, no, it's not a girl, it's... a brand new Hugsy! Rachel: Oh that's so great, now Emma has two Hugsy's. Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back. Rachel: Oh you know what? When I was a little girl I had a little pink pony named Cotton. Oh I loved her so much, I took her everywhere, I would braid her tail... Joey: Make the transfer! (She does so) Rachel: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it? Joey: Oh, no don't worry about that, I swallowed that years ago. (Emma cries) Rachel: Oh, I don't think she likes the new Hugsy. Joey: But he's the same. Rachel: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back. Joey: But he's the same. Rachel: Joey, come on! Joey: He's the same! (they exchange Hugsy's). Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same! [Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Enter Monica] Monica: Haha! Phoebe: You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that after I've buzzed you into the building. Monica: So Phoebe, why are there men's shoes by the door. Phoebe: Those are my shoes. Monica: Oh, when you get over this breakup we need to go shopping. Phoebe: Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now. (Someone knocks on the door) Monica: Who's that? (goes to open door) Phoebe: I ordered Chinese food. (Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway) Phoebe: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!? Monica: (To Mike) What are you doing here? Mike: Phoebe called me. Monica: Phoebe! Phoebe: I'm sorry, I broke down... I wanted to see him. Monica: Damnit Phoebe! How did you even call him? Phoebe: There is a speakerphone on the base unit... Monica: Base Unit! Think Monica! Think! Mike: Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see... Monica: (to Mike) This doesn't concern you!! Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name! Monica: Look, guys, you can't do this, it's just going to make getting over each other, that much harder. Phoebe: Not if nothing happens. Why can't... why can't we just hang out as friends? Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical). Phoebe: Sit down. (Phoebe and Mike sit next to each other) Monica: Oh wow wow wow!! Make room for your friend! (sits herself down between them) Mike: (to Phoebe) So how've you been? Monica: I've been pretty good! Mike: (to Phoebe) You look really beautiful. Phoebe: Thanks, you look good too. Monica: Oh no no no no... this is dangerous territory. Keep it clean! Phoebe: So how's the piano playing going? Mike: Actually I've been playing a lot of love songs lately. I've missed you. Phoebe: I've missed you too. (Silence) Monica: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it! [Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in] Chandler: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... ( looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me? Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen) Chandler: Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya? Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!? Chandler: No, come on, you know that's not true. Ross: What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead! Chandler: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community. Ross: I can't believe this. Not even my geology lab partner? And I carried that guy! (gets up from his sofa) Chandler: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief. Ross: You're right. There isn't a decent outlet. Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come. Ross: Exactly!! (sits back down at his laptop and starts typing) Chandler: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!? Ross: No! That would be stupid! You're having it for me! Chandler: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... ! Ross: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man... [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in] Rachel: I'm trying to put Emma down for a nap, have you seen Hugsy? Joey: Original or crappy? Rachel: Original. Joey: No, sorry haven't seen him. Rachel: Then what's that big lump under your covers? Joey: It's Monica, ok? Rachel: That's not Monica! Joey: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him.. Rachel: (to herself) Oh God. Joey: ... she's being unreasonable! Rachel: (yelling) Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much (Joey covers Hugsy's ears) Oh don't cover its ears! (stops yelling) It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey! Joey: It does? Rachel: Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much. Joey: Really? She... she loves me? Rachel: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room). Joey: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him. Rachel: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. (Turns to face Emma in the the playpen) Look Emma, look who's baaack! Joey: Look forget it forget it... I can't do it. Rachel: Are you gonna... you're going to take Hugsy away from a little child? Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place? [Scene: Phoebe's apartment: Phoebe, Monica and Mike sitting on the couch] (Monica is getting up from the couch) Monica: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it. Mike: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night. Phoebe: I know, I want that too, but IS that going to make it too hard? Mike: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped. Monica: (running back into the room) Kiss him, you fool!! Phoebe: What? Monica: Didn't you hear that speech? If you don't kiss him then I will! Phoebe: Oh, I missed you so much! (she kisses Mike) Strange man: (he bounds into the house) I knew you'd be here! Mike: Oh, crap! Phoebe: Who is this? Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you. Monica: Hi, that's what I'm doing for Phoebe! Manny: Well, you are not doing a very good job! Monica: Excuse me? Manny: What's with the kissing? Monica: Hey, at least I knew where my guy was. Manny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing! Monica: You didn't hear the speech! Manny: I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... " Monica: Hey, it was very moving! You're just heartless! Manny: You're weak! Monica: You're... weird! Manny: Your pants are undone! Monica: Oh (realizes her pants are undone and zips them up)! Manny: (looking at the sofa) Where did they go? Monica: Damn it! Manny: Oh we blew it. I blame myself. Monica: And I blame you too. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment] Ross: It's been an hour and not one of my classmates has shown up! I tell you, when I actually die some people are gonna get seriously haunted! (someone knocks on the door) Chandler: There you go! Someone came! Ross: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door) (Chandler and Monica go open the door) Monica: Hi, glad you could come. Chandler: (in a mournful voice) Please, come in. Tom: Hi, you're Chandler Bing, right? I'm Tom Gordon, I was in your class. Chandler: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat. Tom: Thanks... uh... I'm so sorry about Ross, it's... Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom) Ross: Who is he? Chandler: Some guy, Tom Gordon. Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door) Monica: So, did you know Ross well? Tom: Oh, actually I barely knew him. Yeah, I came because I heard Chandler's news. D'you know if he's seeing anyone? Monica: (a bit surprised) Yes, he is. Me. Tom: What? You... You... Oh! Can I ask you a personal question? Ho-how do you shave your beard so close? Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door) Tom: (before leaving) Hey, listen. Call me. Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom) Ross: (coming in) I'm dead and no one cares? Monica: I look like a man?? Chandler: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time! Ross: It isn't ridiculous, look around! No one's here! Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand! Ross: Yes, you're right. Still somebody must have seen it... I mean, I went to that school for 4 years, I didn't have an impact on anyone? Chandler: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something? Ross: (sceptical) Yeah... (someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler! Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again) (Chandlers opens the door. A beautiful woman stands at the doorway.) Kori: Hi. I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service. Chandler: Kori? Kori Weston? Kori: Yeah... Chandler: Wow! You look amazing! Kori: And you are... Chandler: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all. Monica: You are married though. Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in) Kori: I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is just so sad. Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close. Kori: We weren't but we had one class together. He was such a great guy and he talked so passionately about science. I always remembered him. Chandler: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently. Kori: I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance. Ross: (he bounds into the lounge room) But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people! Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her) Ross: Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!! Ending Credits [Scene: Ross' apartment] Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?

Ross and Chandler post false information about each other on their college's alumni website, namely that Chandler is gay and Ross is dead. Meanwhile Joey and Emma fight over Joey's 'bedtime penguin pal' Hugsy. Phoebe asks Monica to help her get over Mike.

fd_Charmed_04x09

fd_Charmed_04x09_0

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe is cutting up some vegetables. Cole walks in.] Cole: Hey, where is everyone? (Phoebe rips off her apron to reveal a tight black dress.) Phoebe: Surprise! Cole: You look beautiful. Phoebe: Thank you. (She picks up two glasses of wine and hands one to Cole.) I sent everyone away. So we could celebrate. Cole: What are we celebrating? Phoebe: Cole, you're finally fully human. No more demon half means no more obstacles for our relationship. Yay us. (She clinks their glasses and takes a sip. Cole doesn't.) Uh, that was a toast and usually after the clinking part you take a little sip. Cole: I don't know if sending your sisters away was a good idea. I don't have powers anymore and I can't protect you if there's an attack. Phoebe: Well, my sisters are in calling range and more importantly, I am in kissing range. (She kisses his neck. He stops her.) Cole: Phoebe, you don't seem to understand that with the Source injured, you might be in more danger than ever before. Phoebe: Well, you don't seem to understand that sometimes a girl needs a night off. Now please, is there anything that I can do, (she kisses his neck) to help you relax? (She kisses his cheek.) Cole: Well, that helps, a little. Maybe you should keep doing that. (He stops her again.) It's just that without a strong leader, there's energy in the underworld. Phoebe: Wow, you're a sweet talker. Cole: Demons who would normally compete for the Sources favour... Phoebe: Will start banning together to try to take out the Source. Honey, you told me this part already. Cole: But I'm not sure you get it. Demons hoping to replace the Source will gather factions of followers, and what better way to gain support for your faction, than to kill the infamous Charmed Ones. (The oven timer goes off.) I'll get that. (He goes over to the oven and pulls out a hot dish. He quickly puts it down.) Ah, ow! Damn it! Oh! (Phoebe goes over to him.) Phoebe: Is it bad? I could call for Leo. Cole: No, no. No, it's fine. I used to be able to hold fire in the palms of my hands. Phoebe: We vanquished half of you. That's a huge adjustment. But I promise, you'll figure it out. We'll figure it out together. (She hugs him.) Cole: I'm serious about the factions, Phoebe. If demons join forces... Phoebe: I promise you I'll worry about the factions first thing in the morning, but for now, I want us to join forces. (They kiss.) [Scene: Congressmen's office. He is practising a speech to himself.] Congressmen: We must join forces. With those we have considered our enemies, if we are to defeat... We must join forces... Damn. (He sits down at his desk. A muse appears, surrounded by a bright light. She looks hard at him and he gets an idea. He stands back up.) Joining forces with our friends is simple. Only by working with those we've considered our enemies will we achieve our greater goals. In the coming days we must rise above our differences if we're to reach the level of our convictions. (He hears someone clapping and looks around. A warlock blinks in.) Devlin: I think I can use that. Congressmen: How did you get in here? What do you want? Devlin: Well, as you know congressmen, gathering a following requires inspiration. I want your muse. Muse: You can see me? Congressmen: My what? (The muse sees a ring on the warlock's finger.) Muse: The ring of inspiration. But how did you get it? Devlin: Oh, I think a more important question is, how will you get out of it? (Devlin holds out his hand and the muse gets sucked into it.) Congressmen: Who the hell are you talking to? (He heads for the door but Devlin blinks in front of him.) Please... Devlin: Come now, I'm doing you a favour, really. There's nothing worse than an uninspired politician. (Devlin places his hands on the side of the congressmen's face and burns him. He screams.) Opening Credits [Scene: The next morning. Manor. Kitchen. Piper's on the phone and making a cup of coffee.] Piper: Uh, okay, Bev, if that's what you really want. Bev, take yes for an answer. I'll get back to you. (She hangs up and heads for the table. Phoebe walks in and takes Piper's coffee and sits down.) Uh, that was the last of the coffee. (She takes a sip.) Phoebe: I've had coffee, this is not coffee. Have you seen Cole? Piper: Uh, he went out. He said he had some errands to run. Phoebe: What kind of errands? Piper: He didn't say. How was the big date? Phoebe: Great, fine. It was okay. He kept talking about demonic factions the whole time. Piper: Well, that's probably because it's easier for him to talk about demons than what's really on his mind. Phoebe: Which is? Piper: Whether or not your going to reconsider his marriage proposal now that he's just a human. Phoebe: We talked about that and he's totally fine with it. He gets it. Why, did he say something to you? Piper: No, but, uh, he doesn't have to, it's written all over his face. And, truth be told, it's rare for a relationship to survive a rejected proposal. Phoebe: But it wasn't rejected, it was just postponed. Piper, I'm not ready, you know that. Piper: Mm-hm, I do, but it's not my heart that's involved. Or my ego for that matter. You should talk to him again. (Piper gets up and heads for the door.) Phoebe: Where are you going? Piper: Uh, P3. Phoebe: At 9:00 in the morning. Don't club kids sleep in? Piper: Corporate party, big money, total nightmare. (Piper leaves the kitchen. Phoebe follows.) Phoebe: Uh, what if there's an attack? Piper: At 9:00 AM. Don't demons sleep in? (They walk into the foyer.) Phoebe: Piper, Cole thinks that the demons are gonna start banding together to take out the Source. Piper: Great, well, I say the only good Source is a dead Source. (Piper puts on her coat.) Phoebe: Right, but he also seems to think that the best way for a faction leader to gain the support of the demonic masses would be to kill us. (Paige comes down the stairs carrying some art supplies.) Paige: Who's going to kill us? Piper: No one. Paige: That's new. (She goes back up the stairs.) Phoebe: So I was thinking, since you're the potions master, isn't there something you could whip up? Some kind of protection maybe? Piper: Pheebs, if there was such a thing as a protection potion, we'd be mixing it in our morning coffee. Phoebe: I know, but there's got to be something that we can do. And by we, I mean you. Piper: Well, I say we just wait until we're attacked like we usually do, and then deal with it then. (Paige comes back down carrying a large box of stuff.) Paige: Who's attacking us? Piper: No one. Paige: Right on, I get the weekend off. Piper: See now that is the spirit. (Paige goes back upstairs.) Phoebe: Piper, if Cole is right, we have no idea how many of them we're gonna be up against. Piper: Suddenly I'm beginning to miss the Source. Phoebe: And even if you don't think we need the protection, just think about Cole. He is a human being with no magical powers, living in a house that's constantly under demonic attack. Piper: Well, I guess I can make something. Phoebe: Yay, yay, yay. I love you! Piper: After I go to the club. We cannot afford to lose the income. I've got this client who is insisting on a last minute theme and man, do I hate themes. Phoebe: Oh, I am so good at themes. My prom theme, almost paradise, totally my idea. Piper: And this is supposed to impress me how? (Paige comes down with another box.) Phoebe: Are you moving out? Paige: No, just cleaning out. Piper: Your art supplies? Paige: Well, between witch work, and work work, I just don't have any time any more. Phoebe: This is perfect. We need a theme. You're an artistic, creative type. Paige: A theme? Phoebe: Yeah, I'll explain on the way. Us theme, you potion. (They head for the door.) Piper: Me peeved, you annoying. Phoebe: You see how well this worked out? (Phoebe and Paige grab their coats and rush out the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Alley. A homeless man wanders down it. Two warlocks blink in. Devlin's eyes glow red. The homeless man turns into a warlock.] Demon: Back off, we're on the same side. (Devlin's eyes change back to normal.) Devlin: Whoa, we almost killed a demon. The Source would have our heads. Warlock #1: Man, I love that glamouring power. You know, I fall for it every time. Demon: If you two warlock scum don't mind, I've got work to do. Devlin: Oh, but so do we, and we're gonna need to borrow that little trick of yours. (The warlock stabs the demon and receives his glamouring power.) Nicely done. Now, use your new power to kill the Charmed Ones and bring me back theirs. Warlock #1: Hey, I thought we were taking out the witches together. Devlin: I have a faction to build, and time is of the essence. There's recruiting to do, powers to gather. Warlock #1: So I'm supposed to risk my life so you can become the Source? Devlin: Aren't you tired of living under demonic rule, of being a second class citizen? My friend, in the coming days we must rise above our differences if we are to reach the level of our convictions. Warlock #1: And what do I get out of it? Devlin: A little inspiration. (Devlin points the ring at the warlock and he is covered in a bright red light.) Now get to work. (Warlock #1 blinks out.) [Scene: P3. Phoebe, Paige and Bev are there.] Phoebe: Bev, I'm telling you, forties night is perfect. I mean, think about it, the zoot suits, the saddle shoes, the patriotism. What more could you ask for? Bev: Uh, I just don't know. I mean, weren't the fifties a little bit more flashy? Paige: Yeah, if you want something that's been done a million times. Bev: Excuse me? Phoebe: Um, honestly, Bev, I think the forties is your era. I mean, you already have this, kind of Veronica Lake thing goin' on. (Bev touches her hair.) Bev: I do? Paige: Oh yeah. Peek-a-boo hair-do, some nice pearl ear rings, you're a dead ringer. Bev: Oh, (she giggles) um, well, then... Paige: Looks like someone has some shopping to do. Phoebe: Yep! Here is the number for the costume place, and tell all your friends to dress there or be square. (Bev laughs.) Bev: Thanks, girls. (She leaves. Phoebe breathes a sigh of relief. They head for the stairs. Cole walks down them.) Phoebe: Oh, if it isn't Mr. Sneak-out-of-bed. Cole: Yeah, I had some stuff to do. Phoebe: Yeah, what kinda stuff? (She hugs him.) Cole: Well... (She feels something.) Phoebe: What's that? Cole: Oh. (He pulls out a gun. The girls gasp.) Phoebe: What are you doing with that? Paige: Get that thing out of here. Cole: Oh, come on, you guys see worse than this every day. Phoebe: No, we see demons every day, there is a huge difference. Cole: There is how? Paige: Uh, for one thing, we're not likely to accidentally vanquish ourselves. Phoebe: Where did you get it? Cole: Well, I may not be a demon anymore, but I still know where to find the bad guys. Paige: Well, why don't you go find the bad guys and give it back to them? Cole: Look, I have to have a way to protect myself, and the one I love. Phoebe: Okay, Cole, I am not living in a house with a gun. It makes things more dangerous, not less. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Hey. Phoebe: Hey, ah, Piper's at home. Leo: I know, I just talked to her. I came here to find you guys. Cole: Was there an attack? Leo: Uh, in a way. Muses have been disappearing, the Elders are very concerned. Paige: Muses, the ones who inspire creativity, they're real? Leo: Yes, and they are in a very real danger. It'd be a powerful evil to find a way to hurt a muse. Cole: Factions. (Warlock #1 blinks in near by. He spies on them.) Phoebe: We'd better get back. Paige: What about forties night? Phoebe: We'll call the decorator from the car. Leo: Alright, I'll meet you guys at home. I'm gonna see what else I can find out. Phoebe: Uh, Leo, before you go... Wait, um... (She takes Cole's gun.) Cole: Come on. Phoebe: Can you orb this to Darryl, please. (She gives it to Leo. The girls leave.) Leo: I wont even ask. (Cole leaves. Leo shakes his head and orbs out. The warlock turns into Leo and blinks out. [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper's there looking at a Muses page in the Book of Shadows. Phoebe and Paige walk in.] Phoebe: Hey, how's the protection potion? Piper: Non-existent. Phoebe: Hey, we kept up our end of the deal. Piper: I know, Bev called and she's thrilled, and I thank you, but I thought we should move on to the muses. Paige: Muses, which are (reads from the book) "Beings of pure light, whose soul purpose is to inspire peoples passion and creativity. Like angels, they guide us with an unseen hand of inspiration." Piper: Mm-hmm. Phoebe: Wait, how can evil hurt someone who's invisible? (A muse appears.) Piper: I have no idea. A good place to start would be to ask a muse, but I can't figure out how to summon one. Phoebe: Do you guys feel that? Piper: What? Phoebe: I don't know, it's like a, um, wow, like a, like a feeling. (She looks around the attic.) Piper: Honey, whatcha looking for? Phoebe: I think there's a muse somewhere in this room. (The muse touches Phoebe's shoulder.) Phoebe: "Being of creativity, show yourself now to me, your light that shines upon our face, let our vision now embrace." (The muse becomes visible.) Melody: I was hoping I could inspire you to do that. I'm Melody. Phoebe: Wow, I'm Phoebe. And this is, um... Melody: I know who you girls are, I've been inspiring you your whole lives. Now I was hoping you could help me. Paige: So you know what's been happening to the muses. Melody: Yeah, we were inspiring a symphony and a friend of mine, a fellow muse, was captured. I was lucky to get away. Piper: Get away from what? Melody: A warlock wearing the ring of inspiration. Phoebe: The what? Melody: It's a ring that enables the wearer to see and capture muses. I mean, it was created by good magic, to channel inspiration in times of great need. Paige: A warlock, is that like a demon? Piper: Pretty much, yeah. Paige: That's nice. (Leo/Warlock walks in.) Phoebe: Hi, I thought you were orbing. Leo/Warlock: What? Paige: Melody, Leo, White lighter, muse. Leo/Warlock: Nice to meet you. Melody: We go way back. Leo/Warlock: Oh, right. Uh, good to see you again. Phoebe: Have you ever heard of the ring of inspiration? Leo/Warlock: Uh, I think so. Red jewel? Piper: Isn't that something you would have normally mentioned earlier. Leo/Warlock: Right, um, yeah, sorry about that. (A knife appears in his hand. He hides it behind his back.) Piper: Leo! Leo/Warlock: What? (Leo orbs in. Leo/Warlock grabs Phoebe and stabs her. He blinks out. Cole runs in. Leo/Warlock blinks behind Paige.) Cole: Paige, behind you! (Paige gets a fright and orbs out. Piper blows up the warlock. Leo heals Phoebe.) Piper: You okay? (Phoebe nods. Paige orbs back in.) Paige: What was that? Cole: That was a warlock. Piper: Was that the warlock that captured your friend? Melody: No. Phoebe: They must be working together. Cole: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call a faction. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Everyone comes down the stairs.] Phoebe: Where are you going, we have to make a plan. Piper: I have a plan. Paige: Which is? Piper: To cook. Now that I know what we're up against I can practically taste the potion. I don't know what it does, but it tastes pretty good. Paige: I cant believe I almost threw away my paints. Phoebe: I'm gonna write a vanquishing spell. Actually, I-I have to write a vanquishing spell. I keep hearing rhyming in my head, are you doing that? Melody: Oh no, you're doing that. I'm just helping it come out. Phoebe: Yes you do, without a doubt. Melody: I think I should probably leave. I'm not meant to stay in one place for too long. The inspiration gets a little intense. Piper: Okay, but that's good. If the warlocks are enslaving other muses to inspire them, than we need all the help we can get. Paige: I think I know how to get the ring. Piper: You do? Paige: (to Melody) Can you describe the warlock to me? Melody: I think so. Leo: What are you gonna do? Paige: I'm going to draw him. Cole: I think Leo should orb me under ground. Phoebe: What? Cole: I could find out who the faction leader is. I may not have my powers anymore, but I still know the terrain. Phoebe: Yeah, and you may just find yourself in everlasting pain. Paige: That's a rhyme. Phoebe: Yeah, I'm sorry. Now is not the time. Oh! Piper: Cole, if you go underground you will be a sitting duck without your powers. Cole: I'm a sitting duck up here as well. At least this way I can be useful. (He touches Piper's shoulder and she pushes it away.) Phoebe: Cole, you are useful, alive. Its just that now you have to be the brains behind the operation, not the brawn. Cole: Well, is there some rule somewhere that says I have to choose? Phoebe: Well, I could make one up, but it would just be a ruse. Melody: But maybe I should point out that... Paige: I think Cole has a point. Phoebe: Excuse me? Paige: Well, he is a demon, right? Phoebe: Was a demon. Melody: Before you get any more... Paige: No, he was a half demon that's probably lived for about a century. So that means he knows his way around down there pretty well, and we can use all the help we can get. Melody: Leo. Leo: I think what Melody is trying to say is... Phoebe: No, the point is bounty hunters haven't been attacking because they think he's dead. If he goes down to the underworld... Cole: I'm still here! Piper: Cole, if you go underground and anyone sees you, you will be back on the demonic radar, only this time you will not have anything to protect yourself. Phoebe: It's starting to seem like you have some kind of death wish. Cole: Well, it seems to me that you won't be happy until I put on an apron and become your little house boy. Leo: Hey! Alright, here is the thing. Every time there is a muse around, passions tend to run a little higher. Melody: A lot higher. Leo: Let's keep that in mind with in communications with each other, okay? Piper: Phoebe, go write your spell. Paige, go do whatever it is you were going to do. Cole, please join me in the kitchen and tell me everything you know about warlocks so that I can make my potion. (Paige goes upstairs. Piper heads for the kitchen.) Cole: (to Phoebe) We'll talk about this later. (He starts to walk off.) Phoebe: Alligator. (Phoebe goes upstairs. Leo heads for the kitchen.) Piper: Cole! [Cut to the kitchen. Piper has potions boiling.] Piper: What I don't understand is why a warlock would even want that ring. Cole: Are you kidding? Evil never gets the feel of that muses inspiration, I can tell you, I have never felt anything like it in my life. Leo: What does it feel like? Cole: It was like a power surge, an over dose of adrenaline. I can tell you these warlocks must be sucking it up, so whatever it is that your doing, please do it fast because I promise they'll be back. Piper: Look, I am making this up as I go along. So power surge or no, you're going to have to be patient. Just like your gonna have to be patient with Phoebe on her marriage front. Cole: I don't think that's any of your business. Leo: You don't know sisters very well, do you? Piper: Cole, your struggling right, trying to figure out how to be this new person. Cole: I thought we were here to talk about warlocks. Leo: No. Piper: What you don't get is that Phoebe is trying to do the exact same thing. She's always been the youngest sister, the eternal child. Care free, fun loving. Cole: And? Leo: And in a minute, she lost Prue, discovered Paige, and became the middle sister. Piper: And to top it all off, you propose. The idea of marriage, being that much of a grownup is terrifying to Phoebe. Cole: Did she say that? Piper: No, she didn't have to, I'm her big sister, I've known her only, oh, her whole life. (She turns towards the stove.) Cole: (to Leo) Can I have a word? (They leave the kitchen. Piper puts something in the potion and it explodes.) Piper: Ah. See what a little patience will get you? (She looks around but no one's there.) [Cut to the conservatory.] Cole: I'm asking you a favour, Leo, man to man. Leo: You want me to talk to Phoebe? (He playfully punches him.) Cole: I want you to orb me underground. Leo: Cole, that's the inspiration talking. Cole: Maybe so, but think about it Leo, their big plan right now is to draw the warlock. Leo: They're the Charmed Ones, I trust that they know what they're doing. Cole: Just listen. I can't be certain, but I think that warlock used demonic powers. Leo: Which means he killed a demon to get them. Aren't there laws against that? Cole: It's punishable by death. Now, I know where the demons will convene to discuss his treason. They probably know by now which warlock is behind it. All we have to do is listen. (He puts his arm around Leo.) Leo: And not be seen. Cole: We can go now and be back before anybody notices. Leo: Oh, they're gonna notice. And then they're gonna kill me. (Leo orbs out with Cole.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe, Paige and Melody are there. Paige is drawing the demon while Phoebe writes a spell.] Phoebe: A warlock is a funny thing, he blinks from place to place, and when we say these words to him, his face they will erase." Paige: It sounds more like a limerick than a spell. Phoebe: Damn. Melody: (to Paige) I think his nose was a little longer than that. Your work is wonderful. Paige: Thanks to you. Melody: No, Paige, I have nothing to do with product, only the inspiration to create it. Phoebe: I could use a little of that over here. Melody: Okay. (She walks over to Phoebe.) Close your eyes, and concentrate. (They close their eyes.) Phoebe: Thank you. (She walks back over to Paige.) Melody: So how come you stopped painting? Paige: How come you stopped inspiring me to paint? Melody: I honestly have no control over the world, Paige. You stopped painting because you stopped caring about your art. Paige: No, I didn't stop caring about my art, I just, I dunno, I guess I'm a perfectionist. And once I stopped having enough time to practice, well, I just kinda threw in the towel. Melody: Art isn't about perfection, it's about expression. The key is simply to love it. That's the call I answer. (Piper walks in with viles of potion.) Piper: I got potions, whose got a spell? (Phoebe clears her throat.) Phoebe: "Evil is a faithful foe, but good does battle best. We witches will, with these words, waste the warlocks evil zest." Piper: Wonderful. Witty, but wordy. Phoebe: Just take one. One for you. (She hands a piece if paper to Piper and Paige.) Paige: Thank you. (Phoebe looks at the drawing.) Phoebe: Wow, is that him? Melody: Precisely. Paige: Now that I have something to focus on, I think I can call for the ring. Phoebe: It's brilliant. The ring will orb to you, and then if he wants it back, he'll have to come follow it. Piper: Which is when we hit him with the potion. Phoebe: And make a huge commotion. Piper: Right, the potion will flash in his eyes which are very sensitive. This should keep him from blinking long enough for us to vanquish him with your spell. Paige: Blinking? Phoebe: It's how the warlocks get around. Paige: Well, why don't you just, I dunno, freeze him or blow him up or something? Piper: Well, sometimes warlocks don't freeze, or blow up. Power of three spell is the only guarantee. Paige: Fabulous. Phoebe: God we're good. (They clink their potions.) Ah, no, no, wait. I think we should tell the guys. Piper: But why? Phoebe: Cole? Cole? (No answer. She looks at the girls.) [Scene: Underworld. Leo and Cole are crouching behind a rock, spying on a meeting going on near by.] Leo: What is this place, Cole? Cole: High Council meeting quarters. We listen long enough, we hear plenty. (A demon comes up behind them.) Demon: You two lost? Cole: Rake. Demon: Belthazor, sorry man, thought you were a warlock. (He starts to walk away but stops.) Didn't I hear you were dead? Cole: Yeah, and unfortunately, I have to stay that way. (Cole walks over and stabs Rake. He is vanquished.) Leo: He seemed like a friend. Cole: In my old life he was. Leo: It feels different, doesn't it? Killing now that you're human. Cole: Just keep an eye out would ya? [Cut to the manor. Attic.] Piper: Leo? Leo! (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Cole is nowhere to be found. Piper: And Leo still isn't answering. Phoebe: I can't believe they'd do this. Paige: Do what exactly? Piper: The only reason Leo wouldn't hear us calling is if he went underground, with Cole. Paige: I'd rather do battle with warlocks than do battle with the two of you. Phoebe: Call for the ring. Paige: Well, shouldn't we wait for Leo in case we get hurt? Phoebe: Just call for the ring. (Paige stands in front of her drawing.) Paige: Ring. (Nothing happens.) Melody: Breathe and focus. (They close their eyes.) [Cut to Devlin and another warlock.] Warlock #2: That ring packs a serious punch. Devlin: What power did you get? (An energy ball appears in the warlock's hand. Devlin holds his hand over it. Suddenly, his ring orbs out.) [Cut to the attic. The ring orbs in on the table.] Paige: It worked. Phoebe: Let all the muses out. [Cut to Devlin and the warlock.] Warlock #2: Your ring, where'd it go? Devlin: The Charmed Ones. Well, let's go get it back. Warlock #2: No way, they just vanquished the last sucker you sent in. Devlin: He didn't have your newly acquired power. You wanna live in the shadow of demons your whole life? Warlock #2: Forget it, Devlin, its suicide. Devlin: They're expecting me, but not the two of us. We can take 'em, come on. We'll take their powers and together we'll rule the underworld. We're gonna have so much fun. (They blink out.) [Cut to the attic. The girls are hiding behind some boxes. Warlock #2 blinks in.] Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "Evil is a faithful foe, but good does battle best. We witches will, with these words, waste the warlocks evil zest." (The warlock bursts into flames and is vanquished. Suddenly, Devlin blinks in, grabs the ring and blinks back out.) Piper: Wh-what just happened? (Devlin blinks back in.) Phoebe: Oh my god. (He sucks Melody into the ring.) Piper, blow him up. Paige: No. You might blow up melody too. (Devlin blinks back out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are sitting around the table, doing nothing. Leo orbs in with Cole. Cole: I-I know you're, I know you're mad but before you say anything we, ah, found out that the faction leader is a warlock named, uh, Devlin. Phoebe: Ha, he looked more like a Joe to me. Piper: Mm-hm. Leo: Where's Melody? Paige: Oh, she's gone. Leo: Gone? Gone, as in she left? Piper: Gone as in she got sucked into a big red ring by a warlock named, what was it? Paige: Devlin. Piper: Right, Devlin. Leo: Okay, so what exactly are you doing now? Phoebe: Basking in the brilliance of our failure. Piper, Paige: Mm-hm. Cole: What happened? Paige: Oh, well, I called for the ring, it came to me, and, uh, we set the muses free. Piper: Which was useless because Devlin came and took it right back, so he could capture them all again. Phoebe: And he took our own muse and he's gonna use her inspiration to kill us. Aw, the irony. Leo: Okay, I understand that you guys have been on an inspiration binge and that you are wiped out, but now is not the time to give up. Cole: He's right. Devlin will be back soon, and stronger than before. Paige: We have no inspiration to fight him. Leo: But you don't need it. Alright, Melody just inspired your own passion, creativity and talent. Alright, all you need to do now is find another way to tap into it. Piper: I say we head for the hills. Cole: Great idea, it rhymes with gills. Phoebe: You think that's funny? If you had done what I asked and stayed here, you might have been able to help. Cole: How? The minute Devlin arrived you would have sent me to my room. Phoebe: Cole, I wasn't just being a nagging girlfriend. I actually had good reasons for asking you not to go. Cole: Which were what exactly? Phoebe: I dunno, to try to keep you alive. Cole: What, 'cause I'm not capable of defending myself. If that's the way you think, no wonder you don't want to marry me. Phoebe: I can't believe that's what you think. Is that really what you think? Cole: What am I supposed to think? Phoebe: You're supposed to know that I love you and... Cole: And, and what? I have a hard time believing that any woman who's truly in love would turn down a marriage proposal. Phoebe: Uh, well, that's how little you know about women. Cole, there's still so much that we don't know about each other. I mean, we don't know the new rules, and we don't know what it means for you to be human, and I don't know.. Cole: That you truly love me. Phoebe: No, Cole, that's the one thing that I do know. Cole: Well, then what is the problem? Phoebe: I don't know how to be a wife. (He kisses her.) But I can't live without you in my life. (They kiss again.) Paige: Did she rhyme? I think she just rhymed. Piper: Mm-hmm. Leo: This is what I'm talking about. Phoebe's passion for Cole is a natural way to access inspiration. (Phoebe and Cole stop kissing. Phoebe goes over to Piper and Paige.) Phoebe: Okay, you guys, we have a warlock to catch. And I know were beaten, and I know we're tired, but that does not mean we can just lay down and play dead. Piper: I don't think we're gonna have to play. Phoebe: Piper, Leo said we can tap into our own inspiration, and I'm feeling it. Now you have to do whatever you have to do to feel it too. Paige: I dunno, I kinda agree with running for the hills. Cole: You can't run. Not while Devlin has that ring. Phoebe: You know, this isn't about saving our own lives, or even Melody's. It's about good verses evil, and wrong verses right, and our job as witches to fight the good fight. Piper: Dr. Seuss is that you? Paige: What if we didn't wait for Devlin to come to us, what if we went to him? Phoebe: See, now that's the spirit. We're gonna need a new spell and Piper, were gonna need some more of you potion. Piper: I have no idea what I put in it. Leo: Alright, well, Cole and I were there, maybe we can help. Piper: Leo, please. There were like fifteen thousand herbs on that counter. Phoebe: Okay, so just start cooking and let that inspire you. Piper: Now she's Martha Stewart. Cole: You're pretty young, Piper. Are you really ready to die? Piper: Oi! Phoebe: Look, if you can't do it to save Melody, then get inspired to save your own life, for Leo, for me, for Paige. I don't care how you do it, just do it. Because I guarantee you that Devlin's not sitting on his butt waiting for inspiration to strike. [Scene: Underground. A faction meeting is being held.] Devlin: We have proven with the loss of our fallen comrades that we cannot take on the witches as individuals, but there is power in numbers my friends, and our plan is inspired. Now are you with me? Warlocks: Yes. (Devlin shines a red light on them from the ring.) Devlin: It's time. Prepare yourselves, and don't be late. (They all blink out.) [Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are making the potion on a small table.] Cole: This doesn't feel right. Paige: Well, if anyone has a better idea we're open to it. Leo: You could try calling for it again. Phoebe: Oh no, that wouldn't work. He's probably figured out a way to protect the ring by now. Cole: Alright, let me just think for a minute. Piper: We don't have a minute. We need the ring back now. Leo: She's right, with all the muses afraid to come out of hiding, the world is going uninspired. Which is okay, except that... Phoebe: Evil is inspired. Leo: Right, which could throw off the whole balance, giving evil the upper hand. Cole: I get that, but they've never been to the underworld without me there to protect them. Piper: We have a potion, we have a vanquishing spell, and we have the element of surprise. Cole: But what you don't have is any idea where Melody is. Paige: She's in the ring. Cole: Which is on the finger of a warlock, who could be anywhere, doing anything with any number of demonic powers. I'm telling you, it just doesn't feel right. Phoebe: I know. Cole: Don't go. Phoebe: Baby, every time you went to the underworld, every time you shimmered out of here, and I had to wonder if I'd ever see you again. It didn't feel right, but you had to go, didn't you? (She kisses him. They pick up the potions.) Leo: Be careful. Phoebe: "Being of creativity..." Paige: "We call ourselves now to thee..." Piper: "Your light now darkened in a ring..." Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "Shall feel the power of three we bring." (They disappear.) [Cut to P3. Forties night is happening. Piper, Phoebe and Paige appear.] Phoebe: Oh, no, did we get sent back in time again? Piper: No, Phoebe, we're at P3. I think. Paige: Oh my god, forties night looks amazing. Piper: Okay, sisters, focus. We cast a spell to find our muse, and it landed us not in the underworld, but in my club. Paige: So then the spell didn't work. Phoebe: No, the spell definitely worked. Paige: Then Melody's here? Piper: And so is Devlin, and probably his entire faction. [Cut to Devlin in P3. He is at the bar having a drink.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Leo and Cole are there. Cole's walking around, while Leo sits on the chair, head resting on his hands.] Cole: I don't know how you do it. How do you sit by and do nothing while your wife's life is in danger? Leo: Cole, I get that this is hard for you, but I need you to do me a favour and shut up. Cole: Excuse me? Leo: I need to concentrate. Cole: On the floorboards. Leo: No, I am listening for a call from the girls so I can be there in case they need me. Cole: It's a trap. Leo: What? Cole: I knew this didn't feel right. Why didn't the warlocks attack again after they got the muse? Leo: Evil isn't exactly known for its patience. Cole: It's because they already failed twice. So Devlin knew he needed numbers. Not too many warlocks are either stupid or brave enough to attack right here in the manor, but plenty can be convinced to lay an ambush. Leo: Hang on. That's strange. Cole: What? Leo: The girls aren't underground, they're at P3. Cole: They can't use their powers in public. Leo: I promised. Cole: You only promised not to orb me underground. [Cut to P3. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are walking through the crowd.] Paige: Okay, this looking for them this way is not going to work. Bev: Oh, Piper. (Piper gets a fright and drops the potion. It explodes.) Bev: Love the fireworks. Piper: Fireworks, yes, fireworks. Bev: I just wanted to tell you I think the club looks great. Piper: Bev, you're a genius. (They walk away.) Phoebe: Um, how exactly is she a genius? Piper: The strobe lights. They'll work like the potion but on a grand scale to keep the warlocks from blinking. I'll freeze the innocents, anyone you see still moving, feel free to vanquish them. Alright, here goes nothing. (She turns off the lights and turns on the strobe lights. She freezes the innocents and hear groans from warlocks. She blows one up. One throws an energy ball at them.) Paige: Energy ball. (She orbs out the energy ball and it orbs back in her hand. She throws it back at the warlock, vanquishing him. A warlock tries to drag Melody outside.) Melody: Help me! Phoebe! Paige: Melody! Piper: Wait, wait, wait. (A warlock hits Paige on the shoulder with a spark.) Phoebe: You stay here, I'll go get Melody. Melody: Phoebe! (Phoebe kicks the warlock.) Phoebe: Piper! (Piper blows him up. Phoebe goes over to Melody.) Are you okay? (Piper turns the lights back on.) Piper: Okay, so who here doesn't want to die? (The rest of the warlocks blink out.) Phoebe: Okay, let's get out of here. (They walk out into the Alley. Paige holds onto her shoulder.) Paige: We still don't have the ring. Piper: That's okay, we have Melody. We'll get the ring next. Phoebe: Piper, aren't you forgetting something? Piper: Oh! They're still frozen aren't they? (She goes back inside. Melody goes over to Phoebe.) Phoebe: How are you, are you okay? Melody: I am now. (She touches Melody's face and tries to burn her. Leo and Cole come in and knock her out of the way. Phoebe throws the potion. Cole goes over and pulls the ring off her finger. She changes into Devlin and he pushes Cole across the alley. Piper runs out.) Leo: (to Paige) You okay? Phoebe: Blow him up! Blow him up! (Piper tries to blow him up but nothing happens.) Piper: Oh. Devlin: I'm too strong for you, witch. Piper: Well, good thing I brought reinforcements. Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "Evil is a faithful foe, but good does battle best. We witches will, with these words, waste the warlocks evil zest." (Devlin blows up and is vanquished. Phoebe helps Cole up. She hugs him.) Phoebe: Thank you for coming. Cole: Thank you for having me. (Cole gives Paige the ring and she lets the muses out.) Melody: Now that was inspired. Paige: Here. I think you need to get this back to the good guys. (She hands Melody the ring.) Melody: I think it's time I should be going. Phoebe: Don't be a stranger. (Phoebe hugs Melody.) Melody: Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. (She quickly hugs Piper and Paige.) Bye. Piper, Paige: Bye. Phoebe: Should we go back into the party? Paige: Actually, I think I'm inspired to spend an evening at home. Piper: Hmm. Leo: Um, aren't you guys forgetting a little something? (They look at Melody.) Piper: Oh! Phoebe: Oh, let's see. "Being of creativity..." Paige: "Hide yourself now from me..." Piper: "Your light that shines upon our face..." Phoebe: "From our vision, now erase." (She turns invisible.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Forties music is playing all through these scenes.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is painting.] [Cut to the kitchen. Piper and Leo are there having a romantic dinner. They feed each other some food and kiss.] [Cut to P3. No one is there except Cole and Phoebe. Cole is dressed in a soldiers outfit. Phoebe comes down the stairs dressed in a long white dress with flowers in her hair. They slow dance.]

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige learn that a warlock is in the process of kidnapping and enslaving the muses inside a special ring in order to make the forces of evil more powerful. As a result, they have to find a way to save the remaining ones and rescue the others before the warlock's plan comes to fruition. Meanwhile, Cole starts to get frustrated that Phoebe has so far spurning his marriage proposal and is worried that without his demonic powers, he'll be unable to help keep her safe from the demon factions who plan on attacking the Charmed Ones.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Giles in the Sunnydale High library in "Welcome to the Hellmouth." GILES: You are the Slayer. Into each generation a Slayer is born. A series of scenes from "Welcome to the Hellmouth"... BUFFY: Why don't we start with 'Hi, I'm Buffy.' XANDER: Xander. CORDELIA: Cordelia. Shot of Willow at the water fountain. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Willow, right? GILES: Mister Giles. ANGEL: Angel. Giles thumping the book "VAMPYR" onto the library counter. A quick series of scenes from the first season: the Master with the Anointed One; Buffy and Angel kissing; Angel vamping out, Buffy screaming; the possessed ventriloquist dummy; Buffy punching someone; Buffy dying; Buffy killing the Master, etc... Moves into a series of scenes from the second season. They go by faster and faster. I can't possibly detail every one, but they include all the major demons and recurring characters: Spike, Ethan, Drusilla, Kendra, Ted, etc. We see Xander kissing Cordelia, Willow kissing Oz, Angel killing Jenny Calendar, Willow in the hospital doing the spell to restore Angel's soul, Buffy killing Angel. Continues to a series of scenes from third season. Includes Mr. Trick, Xander and Willow kissing, Giles and Joyce kissing, Spike, Gwendolyn Post, Amy turning into a rat, Faith and the Mayor, Wesley, Vampire Willow, Angel feeding on Buffy, the climactic battle with the Mayor, the high school blowing up, Angel walking away. Moving even faster, a series of scenes from fourth season. Buffy going to college. The Initiative. Kathy, Vamp Harmony, Oz, the Gentlemen, Anya dressed as a bunny, Giles in Mexican costume, Spike getting zapped, Willow and Tara doing a spell in "Hush," Giles as a demon, Adam, the Initiative, Faith waking up, Faith in Buffy's body, the destruction of the Initiative, Buffy/Xander/Willow/Giles doing their unification spell, the First Slayer, etc. And finally a series of scenes from fifth season that go by very fast. Buffy and Dawn, Joyce, Spike, Glory, Riley, the helicopter taking Riley away, Ben morphing into Glory, the April-Bot, Joyce dying, Willow and Tara kissing, Glory taking Tara's brain, the return of the First Slayer, the Buffy-Bot, Willow zapping Glory, Glory tearing down the dorm wall, the fight between the Winnebago and the knights on horseback. You should realize that all of the above flashes by much too fast to really see. The scenes from first season probably last for about ten frames each and by the time it gets to fifth season, they flash by two frames at a time. So the sense of increasing speed and urgency carries us into an alleyway as the "previously" scenes meld into the episode. The camera moves down the alley as from the POV of someone running. Fast, urgent music. We go around a corner and see the person who's running. It's a teenage boy. He rounds the corner and stops, seeing that he's in a dead end. Slowly, fearfully, he turns. Shot of the corner he just came around. The kid moves very slowly back toward the corner, very scared. Suddenly someone steps around the corner. It's a large male vampire. The kid starts, takes a step back. The vampire strides forward with a small smile. VAMP: Gave me a pretty good run there. Bet the blood's just pumpin'. The boy backs away, frightened. VAMP: (advancing) Bet it's hot. KID: (voice breaking) Don't hurt me. VAMP: Don't hurt you? (laughs) Suddenly one of the doors along the alley opens and Buffy's head pops out. BUFFY: (innocently) Hey, what's going on? The vamp turns his head to glare at her. KID: Help me! Call the police! VAMP: Get outta here, girl. (turns back to the kid) BUFFY: (emerging from the doorway) You guys havin' a fight? 'Cause, you know, fighting's not cool. The vampire turns to glare at her again. KID: Get out of here! VAMP: No. (turns fully toward Buffy) No, she wants to stay. I don't mind a little appetizer. BUFFY: (small frown, walks forward) Have you ever heard the expression, 'biting off more than you can chew'? The vamp frowns, shakes his head. BUFFY: Okay. Um ... how about the expression, 'vampire slayer'? VAMP: What the hell you talkin' about? BUFFY: Wow. Never heard that one. Okay. How about, 'Oh god, my leg, my leg'? The vampire growls and lunges at her. She ducks his grab, punches him in the face and kicks his leg. His knee buckles and he falls to the ground. VAMP: Oh god! My leg! Uhh... BUFFY: See? Now we're communicating. The vamp surges up, grabs Buffy and throws her against the wall. He grabs her again but she pushes his arms away, punches him in the face, knees him, then goes around behind him and kicks him into the wall. He lands against a dumpster, turns and backhands Buffy, who stumbles forward toward the boy. The boy leaps out of the way. The vamp punches Buffy again, picks her up and slams her down on top of another dumpster. Shot of the kid cowering in the corner. Buffy kicks the vamp, cartwheels off the dumpster and kicks him again, then again, and then yet again. On the final kick he lands on his back among a pile of wooden boxes. They all shatter. One of the shards of wood flies toward Buffy and she catches it. As the vampire lunges up out of the boxes, she stakes him with the piece of wood. The boy watches in shock. The vamp turns to dust. Buffy drops the makeshift stake and stares at the pile of dust as the boy continues to cower in the background. BUFFY: Wow. Been a long while since I met one who didn't know me. She turns to go, pauses and looks at the kid. BUFFY: You should get home. She begins walking back toward the door she came out of. KID: H-how'd you do that? Angle on Buffy's back as she walks toward the door. She doesn't turn or stop as she replies. BUFFY: It's what I do. KID: But you're ... you're just a girl. Buffy pauses in the doorway. BUFFY: That's what *I* keep saying. She walks through the door. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Amber Benson as Tara, and Joel Grey as Doc. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Buffy coming in the back door of the magic shop, walking down the hall and into the main room. We see Xander sitting at the round table with Giles beside him looking at books, and Spike sitting behind them on the ladder leading up to the loft, smoking a cigarette. XANDER: Something goin' on out back? BUFFY: (walks over to table) Vampire. XANDER: Oh. BUFFY: (sighs) Anything? Angle on Giles sitting at the table with a few books open in front of him. GILES: Nothing you want to hear. The ritual is, uh... BUFFY: Explain it again. GILES: There's nothing new to- BUFFY: Go through it again. Everyone looks nervously at Buffy. We see Willow sitting at the table on Xander's other side. Giles slowly removes his glasses. Shot of Anya standing to the side. GILES: The key was ... living energy. It needed to be channeled, poured into a specific place at a specific time. The energy ... would flow into that spot, the walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime. Buffy looks grim. ANYA: Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, n-no more hell? WILLOW: That's only if the energy is stopped. And now the key is human ... (looks over her shoulder at Buffy) ...is Dawn. GILES: (reads from book) "The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more." (removes his glasses) When Dawn is dead. Pause. TARA: I have places to be! Everyone looks over at Tara, who is curled up in a chair to the side. She falls silent again and they return to their conversation. XANDER: Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be like a, a lymph ritual? SPIKE: 'Cause it's always got to be blood. XANDER: We're not actually discussing dinner right now. SPIKE: Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. (quietly) Course it's her blood. BUFFY: Pretty simple math here. We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right? GILES: If my calculations are right. But Buffy- BUFFY: I don't wanna hear it. (turns away) GILES: I understand that- BUFFY: (whirls back) No! No, you don't understand. We are not talking about this. GILES: (jumps up from the table, yells) Yes, we bloody well are! Beat. Everyone looks shocked by Giles' outburst. GILES: (quieter) If Glory begins the ritual ... if we can't stop her... BUFFY: Come on. Say it. We're bloody well talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister. GILES: (whispers) She's not your sister. BUFFY: (pause) No. She's not. She's more than that. She's me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her ... and I feel closer to her than ... (looks down, sighs) It's not just the memories they built. It's physical. Dawn ... is a part of me. The only part that I- (stops) WILLOW: We'll solve this. We will. Don't have another coma, okay? Buffy gives a small smile. GILES: (quietly) If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death ... (looks up at Buffy) including Dawn. BUFFY: Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her. GILES: (quietly) You'll fail. You'll die. We all will. (turns away from the table) BUFFY: I'm sorry. Shot of the others looking at her as Giles walks slowly away. BUFFY: I love you all ... but I'm sorry. She turns away too. Giles turns back to look at her. Beat. ANYA: (loudly) Okay. (raises her hand) All in favor of stopping Glory *before* the ritual. Suggestions, ideas? (snapping her fingers) Time's a-wastin'. SPIKE: Uh ... when you say you love us all... XANDER/GILES: (unison) Shut up. ANYA: Willow. I bet you've got some dark spell a-brewin'. Uh, make her a, a, a toad? Little hoppy toad, we can hit her with a hammer? TARA: (giggling) Hoppy toad. XANDER: What about Ben? He can be killed, right? I mean, I know he's an innocent, but, you know, not like Dawn innocent. We could kill a ... regular guy. Pause while everyone considers this and Xander realizes what he's said. XANDER: (softly, in self-disgust) God. GILES: It's doubtful he'll surface again this close to the ritual. We can expect it's Glory we're dealing with. WILLOW: We don't have to kill her. Uh, we just have to stop her from doing the ritual. I mean, there's only the one time that she can do it, right? SPIKE: Yeah. We get her on the ropes, we just gotta keep her occupied till it's too late. ANYA: Okay. But I'm still not hearing enough ideas. She's a god. Let's think outside the box. SPIKE: Why don't *you* go think outside the bleeding box. GILES: Yes, Anya, apart from your incredibly uninfectious enthusiasm, have you anything else to contribu- ANYA: The Dagon sphere! GILES: Sorry? ANYA: When Buffy first met Glory, she found that magical ... (gestures) glowy sphere that was meant to repel Glory. We've got it in the basement. (everyone looks surprised) It might drive her away or hurt her. Ooh! Anya hurries over to a display case, gestures like a game-show hostess. ANYA: And Olaf the troll god's enchanted hammer. We see the hammer (episode "Triangle") on a shelf. ANYA: You wanna fight a god, use the weapon of a god. Buffy walks over to check out the hammer. SPIKE: Uh, nah, that thing's too heavy to- (Buffy picks it up easily) Yeah. Good. BUFFY: I like this. (to Anya) Thanks. ANYA: Here to help. Wanna live. XANDER: Smart chicks are soooo hot. (looking fondly at Anya) WILLOW: You couldn't have figured that out in tenth grade? Willow and Xander exchange a smile. GILES: Well, we have some ideas, if we could actually get Glory on the run, but, um... BUFFY: But, we still have no idea how to find her. TARA: Big day. Oh, it calls me! I have to be there! Everyone looks at Tara, then at Buffy. Buffy looks thoughtful. TARA: Big day! Cut to: Ben entering the back room at the warehouse. He still wears the ceremonial robe and is holding a pile of clothing. A few minions are in the background. Shot of Dawn sitting on the floor with her knees up to her chest, eyes closed. Ben walks over to her. BEN: They, uh ... said you have to put this on ... for the ceremony. DAWN: What if I don't? BEN: Come on, just- DAWN: What if I don't like the color? BEN: Look, I ... I wish there was another way. DAWN: And I wish you'd fall on your head and drown in your own barf, so ... (shrugs) I guess we're both disappointed. BEN: I think ... it'll be quick. MINION: Actually, sir, the bleeding is quite a slow process to give the portal time to- BEN: (annoyed) Thank you ... for the information. (to Dawn) I'll do what I can to- DAWN: Change. BEN: What? DAWN: Change. Be her. I don't wanna look at you. BEN: (shakes head) Dawn, I don't think you wanna- DAWN: Be Glory. Be Glory. (yelling) Glory! Glory! Glory! BEN: Will you just stop- (morphs into Glory) GLORY: -shouting already? Dawn scowls. GLORY: Huh. Glory shakes out the garment she's holding. It's a medieval-style dress. She examines it, then turns to Dawn. GLORY: So, what's the hubbub, bub? (sits in a chair) What do you got against old Benjy? DAWN: He's a monster. At least you're up-front about it. GLORY: (picking at the hem of the dress) Don't be so hard on the boy. He just wants to live. Most guys would do the same. Besides, he's probably the reason your sis and her little cartoon pals are still alive. That little nagging pinch of humanity that makes me go for the hurt instead of the kill. (looks at Dawn) Lowering myself to trade blows with the Slayer when I should have just put my fist through her heart. Glory stands up and holds up the dress to look at it. GLORY: It's gotta be Ben. DAWN: Or maybe you just can't take her. Glory tosses the dress to Dawn, who takes hold of one end. Glory is still holding the other end and she suddenly yanks on it, pulling Dawn to her feet. They face off. GLORY: Hmm, funny thing. You've been here for a few hours now, and I haven't seen big sis galloping in to save you. She probably knows what a terrible mistake that'd be. DAWN: She's not afraid of you. GLORY: Oh no, sweetie baby. I'm talking about the ritual. 'Cause you know I bleed you, the portals open, but once you die they close. The faster you die, the better for your sorry species. Glory puts her hand on the side of Dawn's face. Dawn looks scared. GLORY: I'm bettin' Buffy knows that. Since she's not really your sister, I'm guessin' she isn't gonna show. And if she does... Dawn winces in pain as Glory's fingers tighten on her head. GLORY: ...it might not be to save you. Glory shoves Dawn aside. She falls to the floor on top of a grating. Glory smirks at her. Angle on Dawn's face, shooting up from below as her face is pressed against the grating. DAWN: (whispers) Buffy. Cut to Buffy in the workout room, punching the punching-bag. She alternates hands and hits it with a steady rhythm. The camera pulls out and reveals Giles entering, walking toward her. GILES: You sure you're not going to tire yourself out? BUFFY: (stops punching) I'm sure. She resumes punching. Close shot on Buffy's face with Giles out of focus in the background. GILES: We're ... still working on ideas. (Buffy stops punching) Time's short, but, uh, best leave it to the last moment. (Buffy stretching her arms) If we go in too early and she takes us out, no chance of getting her to miss her window. BUFFY: Then we wait. Buffy gives one last punch that breaks the punching bag off its chain. It falls to the floor. Buffy stares at it, gives her arm a shake. GILES: I imagine you hate me right now. Same angle on Buffy with Giles in the background, her back to him. She sighs but doesn't answer. Giles takes a few steps closer. GILES: I love Dawn. BUFFY: I know. GILES: But I've sworn to protect this sorry world, and sometimes that means saying and doing ... what other people can't. What they shouldn't have to. Buffy turns to face him. BUFFY: You try and hurt her, and you know I'll stop you. GILES: I know. Overhead shot of the two of them. Buffy walks slowly over to the sofa in the corner and sits. Giles paces slowly over to the sofa as well. BUFFY: This is how many apocalypses for us now? GILES: Oh, uh, well... (sits, takes off his glasses) six, at least. (sits back slowly) Feels like a hundred. BUFFY: I've always stopped them. Always won. GILES: Yes. BUFFY: I sacrificed Angel to save the world. Cut to close angle on Buffy's face. BUFFY: I loved him so much. But I knew ... what was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that... (tearfully) I just wish my mom was here. She gets up, walks a few paces away, turns to face Giles. BUFFY: The spirit guide told me ... that death is my gift. Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all. GILES: I think you're wrong about that. BUFFY: It doesn't matter. If Dawn dies, I'm done with it. I'm quitting. She walks out, leaving Giles sitting on the sofa alone. Cut to the warehouse. Dawn is now wearing the ritual dress. She has her other clothing folded in a neat pile and carries it over to the chair, lays the clothing down on the chair, kneels beside the chair. Shot of Glory off to the side, writing something. A minion goes to her and whispers. Dawn kneels by the chair and arranges her sneakers neatly in front of the chair. She looks up when Glory begins to speak. GLORY: Okay, campers, it's almost stab time. (smiling) You two, get her. Two minions move toward Dawn, who looks scared and backs away. DAWN: No. No! Aah! (screams) Buffy! She continues to scream as the minions grab her arms and drag her away. Glory watches them go with a smile. GLORY: See you in a few. Cut to outside. The minions drag Dawn into the courtyard area where the crazy people are still working. Sparks fly from someone's welding. Dawn looks up apprehensively. Shot of a huge metal tower, basically build out of scaffolding. It stretches into the air above the warehouse. At the top, a narrow walkway protrudes out into the air. We see the tower first from Dawn's perspective, on the ground looking up; and then a longer shot from the side. Dawn continues to stare up at the tower as the minions lead her to some stairs at the base of the tower and they begin to climb. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Giles in the magic shop, walking over to a door and opening it. It leads down some stairs into the basement, which is cluttered as any basement tends to be. GILES: (calling) Any luck? Have you found the Dagon sphere? Pan down to the basement. Anya emerges from behind the stairs, wearing a bra, quickly putting on her blouse. ANYA: (calling) Um, I'm sure it's here, just be a minute! Xander emerges as well, fastening his pants. XANDER: (calling) Yeah, we're on it! Let's look over here, where we didn't look yet. Xander and Anya continue fastening their clothing. The angle is such that Giles can't see them. GILES: (OS) Time is a factor. ANYA: Yes. Yes. Not to worry. Sound of the door closing. Anya picks up a clipboard and examines it. XANDER: So, are you more, uh ... relaxed? ANYA: (looking through boxes) No. XANDER: No? I mean, it sounded like you, uh ... (paces past her) arrived. ANYA: (distracted) No. (tunes back in to the conversation) Yes. Um, I had the pleasure moment, and the blissful calm that comes right after it. But that only lasted a couple of seconds, and now I'm terrified again. XANDER: Well, you don't have to be. Anya moves toward another pile of stuff. Xander turns and pulls down a drop-cloth, revealing the Buffy Bot. XANDER: Gah! He leaps back, making Anya jump as well. ANYA: What? They both stare at the bot. It sits there with eyes open, unmoving. XANDER: Spike's sex-bot. Why didn't they just melt it down into scrap? Anya moves away as Xander continues staring at the bot. ANYA: Maybe Willow wanted it. XANDER: (turns to her) I don't think Willow feels that way about, about Buffy. I mean, I know she's gone through a lot of changes, but- ANYA: To study it. XANDER: Right. Robotics. (embarrassed ) Science. Xander moves to another pile of stuff and they both continue looking, separately. ANYA: Pervert. XANDER: Other pervert. ANYA: And don't frighten me like tha-aah! She shrieks as she sees something in another box. Xander comes over to look. ANYA: God, who, who would put something like that there? Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke? She picks it up. It's a small toy bunny. ANYA: I mean, things aren't bad enough! (pause) This is an omen. XANDER: Hey, hey, shh. (rubs her shoulders) ANYA: No, no, it's an omen. It's a higher power, trying to tell me through bunnies that we're all gonna die. Oh god. XANDER: No it's not. Anya puts the bunny back in the box as Xander puts his arms around her waist from behind. XANDER: It's okay. ANYA: No, you see, usually when there's an apocalypse, I skedaddle. But now I love you so much that instead I have inappropriately timed s*x and try to think of ways to fight a god ... and worry terribly that something might happen to you. And also worry that something'll happen to me. And then I have guilt that I'm not more worried about everyone else, but I just don't have enough! I'm just on total overload, and I honestly don't think that I could be more nervous than I am right now. XANDER: Care to wager on that? Xander lifts his hand into the shot. He holds a small box, open to reveal the ring inside. Anya stares at it. Xander lets her go and she turns to face him, still looking at the ring. XANDER: Anya ... you wanna marry me? Anya stares at him a moment, then slaps him across the face. XANDER: Can I take that as a "maybe"? ANYA: You're proposing to me! XANDER: Yes... ANYA: You're proposing to me 'cause we're gonna die! And you think it's romantic and sexy and, and you know you're not gonna have to go through with it 'cause the world's gonna end! XANDER: I'm proposing to you, Anya, because it's not. ANYA: You can't know that. XANDER: I believe it. I think we're gonna get through this. I think I'm gonna live a long ... and silly life, and I'm not interested in doing that without you around. ANYA: (softly) Oh. Okay. XANDER: (wide-eyed) Okay? ANYA: Yes. (small smile) I mean, yes. They both smile happily and look down at the ring. Xander begins removing the ring from the box as Anya holds up her hands. Then she stops him. ANYA: No. XANDER: No? ANYA: After. Give it to me when the world doesn't end. Xander smiles slightly. Anya puts her arms around his neck and they kiss. Cut to the main magic shop room. Willow sits at the table reading books while Tara naps behind her. Buffy walks up. BUFFY: Will, what do you got for me? WILLOW: Some ideas. (Buffy goes to sit on the stairs leading up to the loft) Well, notions. Or, theories based on wild speculation. Did I mention I'm not good under pressure? BUFFY: I need you, Will. You're my big gun. WILLOW: (alarmed) I'm your - no, I-I was never a gun. Someone else should be the gun. I, I could be a, a cudgel. Or, or a pointy stick. BUFFY: You're the strongest person here. You know that, right? WILLOW: (frowns) Well ... no. BUFFY: Will, you're the only person that's ever hurt Glory. At all. You're my best shot at getting her on the ropes, so don't get a jelly belly on me now. WILLOW: Well ... I, I ... do sort of have this one idea. But, last few days, I've mostly been looking into ways to help Tara. I-I know that shouldn't be my priority... Buffy leans over and puts her hand on Willow's knee. BUFFY: Of course it should. Willow smiles gratefully. Buffy leans back. WILLOW: Well, I've been charting their essences. Mapping out. I think ... if I can get close enough, I may be able to reverse what Glory did. Like, take back what she took from Tara. It might weaken Glory, or ... make her less coherent. Or it might make all our heads explode. GILES: (OS) Buffy. Buffy looks up. Across the room we see Giles, Xander, and Anya gathered around something. WILLOW: I'll try to work it. Buffy gets up and walks away, putting her hand briefly on Willow's shoulder as she passes. Willow gets up and goes to crouch beside Tara's chair. WILLOW: Don't worry, love. It won't be long. Tara slaps her hard across the face. TARA: (angrily) Bitch! I'm supposed to work on the factors! Willow just looks at her sadly. The anger passes and Tara becomes anxious. TARA: I'm, I'm not ... I'm not... Tara puts her hand gently on Willow's cheek and begins to cry. Willow looks at her with tears in her eyes as well. WILLOW: I'm gonna bring you back. Cut over to the others gathered together. Giles is holding the Dagon sphere. BUFFY: No. No, no, that's good. That could be pivotal. (to Anya and Xander) Thank you guys. GILES: Well, um, you're gonna need some- BUFFY: Way ahead of you. We have time? GILES: Yes, if you hurry. BUFFY: Okay. I'll grab some weapons too. (we see Spike appearing behind Giles) XANDER: I'm looking for something in a broadsword. SPIKE: Don't be swingin' that thing near me. (Buffy takes the sphere from Giles, examines it) XANDER: Hey, I happen to be- SPIKE: A glorified bricklayer? XANDER: (looks around at the others) I'm also a swell bowler. ANYA: Has his own shoes. SPIKE: The gods themselves do tremble. BUFFY: Spike, shut your mouth, come with me. Buffy hands the sphere to Giles and strides out. Spike looks surprised, follows her. Cut to Buffy entering the Summers house with Spike behind her. It's dark outside. BUFFY: The weapons are in the chest by the TV, I'll grab the stuff upstairs. She moves toward the stairs, not realizing that Spike has stopped at the door. SPIKE: Uh, Buffy... She turns back to him. Spike lifts his hand in a little wave. Buffy frowns, still not getting it. SPIKE: If you wanna just hand them over the threshold, I'll... BUFFY: Come in, Spike. Spike looks surprised and pleased. He takes a slow step over the threshold, smiles. SPIKE: Hmm. Presto. No barrier. They look at each other for a moment, then Spike breaks away, walks into the living room. SPIKE: Um, won't bother with the small stuff. Couple of good axes should hold off Glory's mates while you take on the lady herself. (opens the chest, begins taking stuff out) BUFFY: We're not all gonna make it. You know that. SPIKE: Yeah. He takes a few weapons from the chest and walks back toward Buffy. SPIKE: Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'. BUFFY: I'm counting on you ... to protect her. SPIKE: Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight. BUFFY: I'll be a minute. SPIKE: Yeah. Buffy turns to go up the stairs. Spike watches her go. SPIKE: I know you'll never love me. Buffy pauses halfway up the stairs, turns back to look at Spike. SPIKE: I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's... Buffy gazes silently at him. SPIKE: Get your stuff, I'll be here. She turns and continues up the stairs. Cut to the top of the tower. The minions are tying Dawn to the tower with rope. She stands there looking scared. The wind blows her hair around. Angle downward from Dawn's POV. We see her bare feet on the edge of the platform, and far below we can see the crazy people moving around. The minions finish tying Dawn up and turn to leave. One of them looks back. MINION: She will come to you soon. The camera pulls slowly back on Dawn standing at the end of the platform with the city lights behind and below her. Cut to the magic shop. Pan quickly across Xander and Anya looking at each other, Tara looking at stuff in a display case. Willow appears from the back as Buffy and Spike enter, carrying weapons. They walk over to the office area. BUFFY: We on schedule? Spike goes to put the weapons down on the desk beside Giles, who is also holding an axe. GILES: Yes, it's time. Pan back over to Buffy. BUFFY: Will? Willow nods, goes over to Tara who is still staring at the merchandise. WILLOW: Tara, baby? Is there somewhere you should be? Tara looks over at Buffy, doesn't look at Willow. TARA: They held me down. WILLOW: No one's holding you. It's the big day, right? Both Willow and Tara look at Buffy. Shot of Buffy looking concerned. WILLOW: Do you wanna go? Tara looks anxiously from Buffy to Willow and back again. She turns and begins to walk toward Buffy and the door. She passes Spike and Giles in the background, Spike packing up weapons as Giles unsheathes a sword. TARA: (points to Giles) You're a killer. (Giles and Spike look at her in surprise) This is all set down. Tara continues walking out. Giles puts his axe in Spike's bag. Willow, following Tara, draws alongside Buffy as Tara heads for the door. BUFFY: (quietly) Stay close but don't crowd her. We'll follow in a minute. Willow starts out again, stops when Buffy begins to address the others. BUFFY: Everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn. Buffy turns and walks off. Willow turns to the open door and leaves. Angle on Giles and Spike. Giles is clutching his side where he was speared in "Spiral." Spike glances at Giles, then back in the direction Buffy went. SPIKE: Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it? GILES: We few... Giles goes past Spike as Spike gathers up the bag of weapons. GILES: ...we happy few. SPIKE: We band of buggered. They exit. Cut to: exterior city street, night. Tara walks along the sidewalk, picking at the cast on her hand. The camera pulls out to reveal Willow walking a few paces behind, with the others following farther behind that. Tara comes around a corner, pauses to gaze upward for a moment, then continues. The others follow, now all in a group. Spike carries a crossbow, Anya a baseball bat. Spike also has the bag of weapons on her back. They all stop walking and look up. Shot from below of the tower rising up into the air above them. They all stare at it. XANDER: Shpadoinkle. ANYA: What is that? GILES: The portal must open up there. BUFFY: Will, you're up. Close angle on Willow's face. GILES: Need anything? WILLOW: Could use a little courage. Spike's hand comes into the shot, holding a small flask in front of Willow's face. WILLOW: The real kind. Spike looks over at her. She looks at him. WILLOW: But thanks. Spike nods, puts the flask away. Shot of the tower. People are walking toward it as sparks (from welding) come from the yard below. Cut to the warehouse. The crazy people are still doing various things with machinery and metal. Pan over to the entrance as Tara enters, finally pulling the cast off her hand and tossing it aside. She walks in muttering to herself, goes over to a pile of bricks and picks one up. A hand grabs Tara's shoulder from behind and spins her around. GLORY: You. What are you doing here? Willow appears beside Glory. WILLOW: She's with me. Willow grabs both Glory's and Tara's heads. They all scream as blue lightning begins to flicker around them. Bright blue light appears to stream from Glory's head to Tara's. Suddenly a blast of power separates them. All three go flying in different directions. Willow crashes into a pile of wood. Glory lands on her back on the concrete, sits up as several minions run over. GLORY: What the frickin' hell did that bitch do to me? The minions look at each other, then at Glory. MINION: (anxiously) You look fine. Truly. GLORY: (clutching her head) She made a little ... she made a hole. Uh, I need a brain to eat. MINION: Oh, take mine, oh groove-tastic one! (bows) GLORY: I said a brain, you worthless dirt! She puts a hand to her forehead and begins to walk, distractedly, as the minions follow her with concern. GLORY: Big day. I got places to be, big day. Need a brain. She looks at something directly in front of her, scoffs. GLORY: Suppose I could always use yours. BUFFY: (OS) Okay then. Buffy stands there with her hands clasped behind her back. The camera zooms in on her. BUFFY: Come and get it. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Glory still staring at Buffy. Glory starts to smile, then looks away and moves her arms as if in pain. BUFFY: (innocently) You don't seem very well. GLORY: Your little witch bitch ... gave me kind of a headache there. (removes her ceremonial robe, revealing the simple black dress underneath) But if you think this is gonna last more than eight seconds- BUFFY: I noticed you're talking, whereas in your position, I would attack me. The minions have taken Glory's robe as she continues to stand there looking weakened. MINION: Oh, most sweaty-naughty-feelings-causing one, should we... GLORY: Go guard the girl. This is a ... this is a, a... MINION: Diversionary tactic? GLORY: Go guard! The minions scurry away. They pull a bunch of crazies away from their work and gather them around the base of the stairs leading up to the tower. Cut back to Glory still standing there unsteadily. BUFFY: It's strange, you're not as blurry with speed as usual either. GLORY: The witch... BUFFY: It's not her. Buffy produces the Dagon sphere from behind her. BUFFY: Might be this. Glory looks alarmed. BUFFY: I heard it's supposed to repel you. So my guess is ... you probably shouldn't touch it, either. Buffy tosses the sphere at Glory, who catches it instinctively. The sphere lights up and seems to warp the air around it when it touches Glory's hand. She makes a pained face, drops her hand to her side. Close shot on Glory's hand holding the sphere. She slowly crushes the sphere and the light goes out as it crumbles. GLORY: You're gonna wish you- Buffy punches her in the face. Glory stumbles back and Buffy kicks her, then punches her again, and again, and again. The minions and crazies gathered around the stairs mutter and look around nervously as the fight continues. MINION 1: Stand fast! Kill anyone who dares approach! This will be our day of glory! MINION 2: Well punned. MINION 1: Well, it just called out to me. Suddenly an arrow appears in his chest and he falls back. We see Spike holding his crossbow, having just shot the minion. Anya and Giles are beside him. They rush forward and begin fighting the minions, while Spike stays behind. Giles blocks a minion's staff while Anya beats on another one with her bat. Spike gives a loud battle cry and jumps on two minions at once, bearing them to the ground. Giles slices at a minion with his sword. A minion has Spike around the waist as another one approaches. Spike fights them both. Cut to a wide overhead shot of the fighting. Off to the side we see Buffy hitting and kicking Glory. Cut to above. Dawn looks down and her eyes widen as she spots Buffy. Cut to below. Buffy flips Glory over and slams her down on a pile of bricks, tries to punch her but Glory rolls aside and Buffy ends up punching the bricks. Buffy tries to punch again and Glory grabs her arms, throws her across the room. Willow sits up among broken pieces of wood, looks at Buffy fighting Glory, looks over to her left. WILLOW: Tara! Willow half-walks, half-crawls over to where Tara lies unconscious in a pile of debris. WILLOW: Tara? Tara's eyes open. She looks at Willow. WILLOW: Tara? TARA: W ... Willow? WILLOW: (smiles hopefully) Tara? TARA: (tearfully) Willow ... I got so lost. WILLOW: (smiling) I found you. Willow kisses Tara all over her face, then hugs her. They both smile happily. WILLOW: I will always find you. Long shot of the two of them embracing. Cut back to Glory. She stands up straight. GLORY: You know what? Buffy punches, but Glory grabs her fist. GLORY: I'm feeling a little better. And now? I'm a little bored. BUFFY: Oh, I'm sorry. Cause you're about- Glory kicks her in the face. "Buffy"'s head goes flying off, leaving her body standing. We can see the wires exposed in the neck. The body falls over as Glory stares in bewilderment. When it hits the floor, sparks fly out of the neck. GLORY: (staring) Hey, wow, the Slayer's a robot. (looks around) Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot? Glory smiles in triumph as the real Buffy appears behind her. BUFFY: Glory? Glory stops smiling, turns. Buffy hits her with Olaf's hammer. Glory flies across the room, crashes into a wall. BUFFY: You're not the brightest god in the heavens, are you? DAWN: Buffy! I'm up here! Buffy looks up as Dawn screams at the top of her lungs. Shot of the tower from Buffy's POV. We can't really make out Dawn at the end of the platform. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy runs toward the tower, leaps over a pile of bricks and onto the stairs. A minion confronts her but she punches him and throws him over the side. Glory picks herself up, looks over and sees Buffy running up the stairs. GLORY: Oh no you don't! DAWN: (screams) Buffy! I'm up here! Cut to midway up the stairs. There's one last level after which the stairs end and the only way up is via ladders. Buffy is ascending onto this level as Glory appears in front of her and hits her. Buffy hits Glory with the hammer, then Glory kicks her into the scaffolding. They exchange a few more blows and Buffy loses her grip on the hammer, which goes flying. It gets caught in some chain that's hanging off the tower. Glory grabs another piece of chain and uses it to swing around the side, knocking Buffy aside as Buffy tries to reach the hammer. Buffy falls aside, gets up, takes another kick from Glory and swings around the scaffolding, kicks Glory, ducks a punch and goes around Glory, kicks her from behind. DAWN: (looking down) Buffy! Buffy tries to continue climbing but Glory hits her in the leg, making Buffy gasp in pain. They exchange some more blows, then Buffy resumes climbing up the outer scaffolding. Glory goes around beside her and climbs up as well, kicks Buffy as she's scaling up a pipe. Buffy slides back down to the previous level. Buffy runs up a ramp, kicks Glory in the face, runs down the ramp again and manages to free the hammer. She swings it at Glory and hits her a couple of times, also hits a ladder which falls aside. Glory hits Buffy in the face and she loses her balance. As she falls backward, she grabs Glory and they both fall off the tower. They both hit the concrete below, a few feet away from each other. The hammer lands nearby. Shot of Spike still fighting two minions at once. Buffy gets to her feet. Glory does too. Buffy grabs Glory by the shoulders and pushes her away. Glory winds up a few dozen feet away, beside a wall. GLORY: You lost your hammer, sweet cheeks. What are you gonna hit me with now? Buffy looks at the wall. Glory turns to the wall also, just as a huge wrecking-ball crashes through the wall and into Glory. It crashes through a second wall, deposits Glory on the other side, and swings back. BUFFY: Whatever's handy. Buffy turns and runs off. Cut to Xander driving the machine that controls the wrecking ball. He shuts down the engine and sits back looking satisfied. XANDER: The glorified bricklayer picks up a spare. Cut to the hammer lying on the ground. Buffy grabs it as she runs past. Cut to Spike, Anya, and Giles taking refuge behind something. ANYA: Has anyone noticed we're going backwards? Spike straightens up to peek over the top of the machine. A brick hits him in the forehead. He ducks down again, looking annoyed. SPIKE: It's crossed my mind. Shot of the group of crazies standing between them and the stairs, glaring at them. There are also a few minions. GILES: (panting) As long as ... Buffy can keep Glory down ... long enough, it doesn't matter. (looking up at the tower) There's only a few minutes left to start the ritual. Cut to Buffy hitting Glory with the hammer. Glory doesn't seem able to fight back, just stands there reeling each time Buffy hits her. Cut to Dawn looking down at the fight. Suddenly she looks up and gasps. We see Doc standing at the other end of the platform, inside the tower. DAWN: You. You can help me. Untie me. Please. Help me, she's coming. DOC: (walks forward) Well, it seems she's running a bit late, is the thing. And, uh, if her Splendidness (Dawn looks upset) can't be here in time to bleed you... Dawn looks scared and anxious as she realizes he's not on her side. DOC: (whispers) Hey! (winks) Kid. Wanna see a trick? Dawn looks fearfully at him. Suddenly he produces a large shiny knife, holds it up in front of his face. Dawn gasps and cringes. Lingering shot of Doc holding the knife up with a small smile. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a shot up at the top of the tower. Pan down to below. Xander leaps over a fence and comes to join the others. Spike, Anya, and Giles are all still crouched behind their shelter, looking up at the tower. XANDER: How we doing? ANYA: So far it's a tie. GILES: We haven't got up to Dawn, but then neither has anyone else. SPIKE: (still gazing up) Someone's up there. Shot of the underside of the platform from their POV. It's hard to tell how many people are there. XANDER: Okay, we gotta charge or something. ANYA: We tried that. Zoom in on Spike's face. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Spike. Can you hear me? SPIKE: (frowns) Yeah, loud and clear. Cut to Willow at the other side of the warehouse, with Tara behind her. Her lips don't move as she communicates telepathically to Spike. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Is there someone up there with Dawn? SPIKE: Yeah, can't tell who. XANDER: Are you talking to us? WILLOW VOICEOVER: Get up there. Go now. Spike peers out uncertainly. The crazies and minions are still in battle stance. SPIKE: Yeah, but- WILLOW VOICEOVER: Go! Spike gets up and charges out as the others stare at him in surprise. Willow puts her hand behind her without looking back. Tara puts her own hand in Willow's. The entire crowd of minions and crazies suddenly parts into two halves like the Red Sea. They all yell in surprise -- an unseen force is shoving them aside as Spike runs through. He reaches the stairs and leaps up them without slowing. Spike gets to the last level, runs up the ramp and begins climbing the ladder. Cut to the top. Doc produces a pocket-watch and looks at it as Dawn watches him fearfully. DOC: Well. What do you know? (Spike appears behind him) It's just about that time. DAWN: Spike! Doc whirls around as Spike strides slowly forward. SPIKE: Doesn't a fella stay dead when you kill him? DOC: Look who's talking. SPIKE: Come on, Doc. Let's you and me have a go. DOC: I ... (tapping his knife against his hand) do have a prior appointment. SPIKE: This won't take long. DOC: No, I-I don't imagine it will. Spike lunges forward. Doc sidesteps, grabs Spike around the neck, and thrusts his knife into Spike's back. Spike gasps. Dawn gasps. Cut to below. Buffy continues hitting Glory with the hammer. Glory has blood running out of her nose. She gives Buffy an anguished look. GLORY: You're just a mortal. You couldn't understand my pain. BUFFY: Then I'll just have to settle for causing it. She hits Glory with the hammer again. Glory reels to the side, recovers and turns back. GLORY: You can't kill me. BUFFY: No ... (hefts the hammer) but my arm's not even tired yet. She hits Glory again. Cut to the bloody knife falling onto the floor of the platform. Pan up Spike's body as he is now standing between Dawn and Doc. SPIKE: You don't come near the girl, Doc. DOC: I don't smell a soul anywhere on you. Why do you even care? SPIKE: I made a promise to a lady. DOC: Oh? Doc's long tongue appears from his mouth, shooting out at Spike, who ducks aside. Doc drops to his knees and pulls Spike's legs out from under him. Spike falls to the floor. Dawn watches anxiously as they grapple. They get to their feet, Doc holding on to Spike, pinning his arms behind him. DOC: Then I'll send the lady your regrets. Spike gives Dawn an agonized look. SPIKE: (whispers) No. Doc pushes Spike over the edge. DAWN: (screams) Aah! No! Spike falls to the ground below, lands amid a pile of bricks and makes a pained face. Cut to Glory falling to her knees. She looks up at Buffy, gasping, on the verge of tears. GLORY: Stop it. BUFFY: You're a god. Buffy hits Glory again. She falls on her back on the floor. BUFFY: Make it stop. Buffy goes over to Glory, kneels beside her and hits her several more times. We don't see Glory during this, just Buffy as she slams the hammer down over and over. Now we see Glory, lying there with blood covering half her face. She morphs into Ben. Buffy stops hitting. BEN: I'm sorry. BUFFY: Tell her it's over. She missed her shot. (Ben watches her, not moving) She goes. She ever, *ever* comes near me and mine again... BEN: We won't. I swear. Buffy drops the hammer and hurries away. Ben lies there, gives a pained cough and smiles painfully but still doesn't move. BEN: I guess we're stuck with each other, huh baby? He breathes painfully. Giles comes over and kneels beside him. GILES: Can you move? BEN: Need a ... a minute. She could've killed me. GILES: No she couldn't. Never. And sooner or later Glory will re-emerge, and ... make Buffy pay for that mercy. And the world with her. Buffy even knows that... (reaches into his pocket, takes out his glasses) and still she couldn't take a human life. Shot of Ben listening. GILES: She's a hero, you see. (Giles puts his glasses on) She's not like us. BEN: Us? Giles suddenly reaches down and puts his hand over Ben's nose and mouth, holding them shut. Ben struggles weakly as Giles keeps him still. Giles keeps his calm expression throughout. Shot of the top of the tower. Sound of Dawn screaming. Cut to close shot of Dawn's stomach in the ceremonial dress. The knife cuts a thin slash through the material and the skin. Dawn cries out and sobs in pain. DOC: Shallow cuts... (Dawn crying) shallow cuts... He makes another cut and Dawn cries out again. DOC: Let the blood ... flow ... Shot of Dawn's bare feet on the edge of the platform. Blood drips over her toes. DOC: ...free. BUFFY: (OS) Dawn. DAWN: (gasping in pain) Buffy! Doc whirls around as Buffy strides forward. DOC: This should be interesting. Buffy doesn't even pause, just walks right past Doc, giving him a push as she goes. He falls over the edge. We can hear him faintly screaming as Buffy goes to Dawn, who continues crying. BUFFY: Here. DAWN: Buffy, it hurts. Another shot of Dawn's bloody feet. BUFFY: (OS) I got it. Come here. You're gonna be okay. A few drops of Dawn's blood drip over the edge. In midair they meet something, and a small circle of light appears, quickly growing. Buffy leads Dawn limping across the platform to the tower entrance. Dawn stops, turns to Buffy. BUFFY: Go! DAWN: Buffy, it's started. Buffy turns. They can both see the light of the portal. Shot of the portal growing ever larger. Shot of Sunnydale's main street as a huge bolt of lightning opens an enormous hole in the middle of the street. People scream and run away. Shot of the portal crackling and sending out lightning. Shot of a large building being hit by lightning and burning to a shell in instants. Shot of weird demon creatures in the walls of the building, screaming in pain. Long shot of the tower with the portal hovering beside it. Lightning continues to crackle out of it. Cut to below. Giles stares upward. The ground shakes. The crazies and minions fall to the ground. Shot of Xander and Anya holding each other and staring up. Shot of Willow and Tara holding each other and staring up, turning to look in each other's eyes. Shot of Spike still recovering from his fall. He rolls aside as a crack appears in the ground he's lying on. Cut to Anya and Xander looking up. ANYA: Xander! Anya pushes Xander aside as a bolt of lightning goes by and a pile of bricks falls on Anya's head. XANDER: Anya! Shot of Anya lying unmoving among the bricks. Shot of the portal continuing to do its destruction. Cut to above. Buffy turns back to Dawn as Dawn continues staring at the portal. DAWN: (tearful) I'm sorry. BUFFY: It doesn't matter. Dawn tries to run past Buffy but Buffy grabs her. BUFFY: What are you doing? DAWN: I have to jump. The energy. BUFFY: It'll kill you. DAWN: (softly) I know. (Buffy staring at her) Buffy, I know about the ritual. I have to stop it. BUFFY: No. The tower shakes underneath them, making them both stumble. DAWN: I have to. Look at what's happening. More lightning crackles, even larger than before. Buffy looks up. A huge dragon flies out of the portal and buzzes the tower, flying away as they watch. DAWN: Buffy, you have to let me go. Blood starts it, and until the blood stops flowing, it'll never stop. Buffy stares at Dawn in anguish. DAWN: (tearfully) You know you have to let me. It has to have the blood. Buffy gets a realization look on her face. Flash to Spike earlier in the episode. SPIKE: Cause it's always got to be blood. Flash to Buffy and Dawn in the hospital at the end of "Blood Ties." Buffy putting her hand to her wound, then pressing it against Dawn's bloody hand. BUFFY VOICEOVER: It's Summers blood. It's just like mine. Flash to Buffy earlier in this episode. BUFFY: She's me. The monks made her out of me. Flash to Buffy beside the fire in "Intervention." FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. BUFFY: Death... Flash back to the present. Close shot on Buffy's face. FIRST SLAYER VOICEOVER: ...is your gift. Buffy frowns. Turns around slowly. Shot of the platform extending into the air. In the distance, holes seem to be opening in the sky. The sky is growing lighter as the sun tries to rise. Buffy looks peaceful. She turns back to Dawn, who stares wide-eyed. DAWN: Buffy ... no! BUFFY: Dawnie, I have to. DAWN: No! BUFFY: Listen to me. Please, there's not a lot of time, listen. The camera pulls out on the two of them. Buffy holds Dawn by the upper arms and continues talking to her, although we don't hear the words. Dawn begins to cry. Lightning continues to crackle behind them. Cut back to close shot of Buffy. She strokes the side of Dawn's face, then kisses her on the cheek. Dawn continues to cry. Buffy turns. In slow-motion, she runs down the platform as Dawn stays there crying. Buffy swan-dives off the end of the platform and into the portal. Dawn watches, sobbing. Buffy falls into the portal and hangs there motionless, making expressions of pain. Long shot from below of the portal writhing and spitting. Shot of Buffy's face inside the portal. Begin a lengthy voiceover of Buffy's final words to Dawn. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn, listen to me. Listen. Shot of Dawn still crying on the platform. BUFFY VOICEOVER: I love you. I will *always* love you. Shot of Buffy in the portal. BUFFY VOICEOVER: But this is the work that I have to do. Long shot of the portal as it shrinks to nothingness and disappears. The sun begins to rise. Cut to below. Willow and Tara, holding each other up, walk forward. Behind them we can see Giles coming forward too, and Xander holding Anya in his arms. They all walk forward, staring at something we can't see. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell Giles ... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. The camera pulls back and we see they're all looking at Buffy's lifeless body lying amid the debris. In the background we see Spike trying to come forward, falling to the ground as the sunlight hits him. Cut to closer shot of Spike, his face bloodied. Cut to closer shot of Willow and Tara as Willow begins to cry. BUFFY VOICEOVER: And give my love to my friends. Shot of Xander and Anya looking sadly at Buffy. Anya lowers her head to Xander's shoulder. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You have to take care of them now. Shot of Giles looking sad. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You have to take care of each other. Giles begins to cry. Cut to Spike with his hands over his face, sobbing. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You have to be strong. Cut to Dawn coming slowly down the stairs, holding her sides, spotting the others. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn, the hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it. Dawn begins to cry again. Cut to Buffy giving her speech to Dawn a few minutes ago. BUFFY: Be brave. Live. Cut back to Dawn on the stairs. BUFFY VOICEOVER: For me. Cut to: graveyard, day. It's sunny and pretty with lots of trees and grass. Zoom in slowly on a headstone. A small bunch of flowers lies on the grass in front of it. The headstone reads: BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS [SCENE_BREAK] BELOVED SISTER DEVOTED FRIEND SHE SAVED THE WORLD A LOT Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

Buffy and the gang set out to rescue Dawn and fight Glory as the ritual commences. Also, Buffy finally realizes the meaning of "Death Is Your Gift."

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x12

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x12_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY OUTSKIRTS (STOCK) - DAY] (Overhead view of dry land outside the city.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS FIELD - LATE DAY] (Camera cuts to a view of open plains and dry fields. Just over the hill is an empty construction site with large machinery, white pipes and other materials.) (In the background, we hear a horse neighing and off in the distance, we can see a single horse and rider approaching the site.) (Cut to a closer view as the horse and rider approach the site.) (The horse starts to struggle against the rider.) Rider: What is wrong with you? (She gets off of the horse, puzzled at what could have gotten the horse spooked. As she checks out the large pipe directly in front of the horse, she finds a dead body hidden inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT] (BRASS and GRISSOM check the dump site out. All around them, the field is covered with officers.) Grissom: A girl in a culvert pipe ... at a highway construction site in the middle of an alfalfa field. (BRASS waits for GRISSOM to finish. GRISSOM looks at BRASS.) Grissom: You got anything to add? Brass: Nothing as poetic. (BRASS reaches into his coat pocket for his notebook and starts to read from it.) Brass: Just, uh, road crew took off at 3:00. Body was discovered 5:15. Grissom: Who found the body? (BRASS turns to indicate the girl standing next to her horse just beyond the police tape.) Brass: Our friend, Flicka. Grissom: Well, there goes that theory. Brass: What's that? Grissom: Whoever finds the body is the first suspect. Sara: (o.s.) Uh, Grissom ... (GRISSOM turns to see SARA standing next to another culvert pipe. He and BRASS walk over to her.) Grissom: What do you got? Sara: The one thing you don't want to find at a murder scene. (On the ground next to the culvert pipe, he sees it.) Grissom: A second body ... HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (GRISSOM and ROBBINS stand between the two bodies on their respective tables. The wall clock reads 6:00.) Robbins: Who'd you like to start with? Grissom: Which one died first? Robbins: Identical body temps and vitreous humor. Both women died approximately 12 hours ago. Grissom: My Uncle Phil used to say you can't kill two birds with one stone. Robbins: All I can tell you is cause of death. Injury to the cervical spine. Looks to be hands-on. (Quick POV of the dark-haired deceased's neck. View changes to an X-Ray POV where we can see her spine and neck. Her spine breaks. End of POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: Somebody snapped her neck. Robbins: She died instantly. Now, the blond. (They turn to the other body.) Robbins: Contusion to the forehead, not fatal. Whatever cut her face cut her arm. I found glass in all the incised wounds. Except for these abrasions on her neck. (Camera close up of the scratches on her neck.) Grissom: Fingernails maybe. Possible sign of struggle. Robbins: I swabbed the abrasions for foreign DNA sent it to the lab. Grissom: Cause of death? (ROBBINS shows him the cut on her upper right arm. Camera close up of the cut moves to a CGI POV of the artery and a piece of sharp glass cutting the artery. The artery bleeds. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Robbins: Severed brachial artery. She bled out. Grissom: Something doesn't seem right. (GRISSOM turns to the dark-haired body.) Grissom: Brunette ... [CLOSE-CAPTIONED-GRISSOM: Look at her neck.] Grissom: Elaborate tattoos ... perfectly dyed hair. (He shows ROBBINS her left ear with multiple piercings. He lifts up the sheet and shows him her pierced navel and scorpion tattoo.) Grissom: Multiple body piercing. Tells me she craved attention. Robbins: Sure. Grissom: Blonde ... seems almost prosaic. She doesn't even have pierced ears. (GRISSOM looks under the sheet.) Grissom: She didn't shave her legs. Robbins: A wildflower and a wallflower. Grissom: So, besides time of death, what do our dead flowers have in common? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARK WOODS - NIGHT] (The PARK RANGER leads CATHERINE, NICK and DAVID PHILLIPS out to the dead body leaning against the tree. DAVID puts his kit down and checks out the body.) Park Ranger: Found his SUV in the turnout after closing so I scoped out the area. He should've been wearing his orange vest. Nick: Well, it looks like a through and through. Catherine: He bled out. (NICK picks up the rifle.) Nick: Hunting rifle. Winchester 70. (DAVID takes out a thermometer and moves the deceased's arm aside. The PARK RANGER leans in curious.) Park Ranger: Wait, what are you doing there? David Phillips: Checking liver temperature. Estimating time of death. (DAVID sticks the thermometer into the bullet hole.) Park Ranger: Should be a total of five bullets. Nick: Four in the magazine, one in the chamber. All accounted for. This rifle was never fired. (CATHERINE snaps some pictures. DAVID removes the thermometer and checks it.) David Phillips: 88.6 -- ten degrees below normal. Catherine: So he died approximately ten hours ago. Park Ranger: That would make it about 2:00 P.M. David: Nick, Catherine, he's all yours. Catherine: Thanks, David. Okay, let's see who you are ... (DAVID moves aside. CATHERINE reaches for the deceased's wallet and checks his identification.) Catherine: Nevada license. [The Nevada Driver's License reads: JASPER, JAMES 2974 WESTFALL AVE. LAS VEGAS, NV 89156 CLASS A ENDORSE ] Catherine: James Jasper. Nick: When's hunting season? Park Ranger: Deer season opened last week. Record number of permits. Catherine: Well, you were right -- he should've been wearing his orange safety vest. (Quick flashback to a hunter with a rifle looking through its scope. Catherine: (V.O.) Hunter lays in wait, spots a deer. Hunter fires ... (The hunter looks down the scope and fires.) Catherine: (V.O.) ... deer takes off ... but the bullet keeps going until it stops. (The camera follows the bullet. The dear takes off, but the bullet pierces whatever is in its path. The bullet, in this case, pierces some brown-colored material. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: No bullet in the body. (NICK kneels down and checks the tree.) Nick: No bullet in the tree. Catherine: It's got to be somewhere. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM walks into his office reading a file and carrying his case. He's smiling. He closes the file. SARA walks in.) Sara: I processed the crime scene. Lots of treads and tracks, but nothing salient. Grissom: What about the culverts? Sara: I came up empty. I worked from the victims out till I hit the highway. Nothing. Nothing to process, no follow-up, zip. (GRISSOM turns around and gives SARA the "look" which she recognizes immediately.) Sara: You have something. Grissom: Print lab ID'd one of the vics. Sara: Blond or brunette? Grissom: Brunette. Joan Marks. At 18, she was booked for felony shoplifting. Lived at home, we got the address. Warrick grabbed a uniform. He's on his way there with a warrant. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARK WOODS -- NIGHT] (Through a night scope POV, NICK scans the woods hoping to find something. He takes a couple of steps, turns and tries again. This time, he finds a bullet lodged in a tree. He smiles.) (NICK walks up to the bullet in the tree. He calls over his shoulder.) Nick: Catherine! Catherine: You find the bullet? (CATHERINE walks over.) Nick: Yeah. But how am I going to get it out of there without damaging it. (NICK sighs.) Catherine: You know what the textbook says -- if you're not a hundred percent sure how to collect it, bring the whole thing in. (NICK looks up at the extremely tall tree.) Nick: Yeah, I'll figure it out. (CATHERINE smiles, pats him on the shoulder, then leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS RURAL COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. MARKS' RESIDENCE - HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. /INT. DONNA MARKS' RESIDENCE -- GARAGE - DAY] (GRISSOM and SARA check in with the officer outside. They walk into the garage carrying their kits.) (Cut to: SARA opens the car door and sits in the car behind the wheel. GRISSOM opens the passenger door and kneels down to look inside.) Sara: Twelve hundred miles and it's an older model. Driver doesn't get out much. (GRISSOM opens the passenger door and looks in the glove compartment. He pulls out the car registration paper.) Grissom: Registered to a Donna Marks. Sara: Could be our blond. Related to Joan Marks. I'll check with DMV. (WARRICK walks up to the car. GRISSOM and SARA stand up.) Warrick: I already did. 28 years old, blonde, blue eyes, 125 pounds, five-six ... sound familiar? Sara: That's her. Warrick: Uniform's talking to a neighbor. Donna is Joan's older sister. Grissom: (chuckling): Well ... we know what they have in common now, don't we? Warrick: Genetics. House belonged to their mother. Donna's lived here alone since their mother died. Joan lived in Henderson. The real action's around back. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DONNA MARKS' RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (On the outside patio floor, there is broken glass everywhere. Markers are on the ground where evidence needs to be examined. WARRICK shows GRISSOM and SARA the broken glass door.) Warrick: If the highway was the dump site, this is the primary. Grissom: Makes sense. The blonde's lacerations were filled with glass. Sara: She went through that door. Grissom: From inside out. (GRISSOM and SARA walk into the kitchen and look at the broken door. WARRICK crosses under the police tape.) Sara: To take out one of these doors you need some serious momentum. Warrick: No doubt. I'm going to collect the glass. And then I'll start with the doorframe. Grissom: How are you at solving puzzles? Warrick: You're the puzzle guy. Grissom: I have a hint for you. When they cool sheet glass, they lay it out on tin. Warrick: So the side that kissed up to the tin will fluoresce under UV. Sara: Still going to be a long couple of days at the lab. Warrick: I got some imprints on these blood spots here. (GRISSOM and SARA both kneel to look at what WARRICK'S looking at. In front of marker #2, there's a partial shoe print in blood.) Warrick: Looks like the killer may have stepped in Donna's blood. Sara: Or maybe her sister stepped in it. There was some blood on Joan Marks' right shoe. (Quick flashback to SARA looking down at the body's right shoe. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: Hmm. That would place Joan at the house. Grissom: And establish a timeline. Sara: If Joan did step in Donna's blood that would mean that Donna was injured and bleeding while Joan was still walking around. [INT. DONNA MARKS RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM stands and walks into the kitchen. He stops to look at the refrigerator and notices the take out order sheets pined to the door. The first is for "Pizza Land #2" (Italian Kitchen), the second for "Capt Krauser Cookin" (Free Delivery) and the third for "Free Delivery [(702)-555-2438]. SARA also stands to see what GRISSOM'S looking at.) (GRISSOM puts on his gloves and opens the refrigerator door. Inside are containers of take-out food. He reaches in and opens the top container. He smells it and holds it out for SARA to smell.) Sara: Sweet and sour pork. Grissom: It smells fresh. (He puts it back on the shelf. He grabs another opened container in the back of the refrigerator, smaller than the first. He smells it.) Grissom: More sweet and sour. (He holds it out for SARA to smell. She immediately reacts to the age of the food.) Grissom: Mostly sour. Sara: Single servings in the back, spoiled. Family sized boxes in front, one or two days old. (GRISSOM picks up another container and opens it. Inside there are four spring rolls.) Grissom: What do you think? Increase in appetite, or ... perhaps a guest? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DONNA MARKS OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (SARA pushes the door to the study open. She and GRISSOM both walk inside. Against the far wall behind the door are a stack of fedex boxes. The computer on the desk is still on.) Grissom: Universal remote. She could do everything she wanted from this chair but cook a roast. (GRISSOM sits down behind the desk.) Sara: Well, we already know she cooks like I do -- takeout on speed dial. (SARA riffles through the stack of catalogs on the desk.) Sara: Pottery barn, Lillian Vernon magnolia, Yafa Pen ... She's a catalogue junkie -- we're on the same mailing lists. Grissom: Catalogues, the internet, mail order, takeout ... 1,200 miles on her car. Agoraphobic maybe? Or she just doesn't like people? Sara: (smiling) Ah, that's you talking. (GRISSOM looks at SARA.) Sara: I'll haul in her PC, check her e-mail look in on her social life. (SARA turns around and looks at the bathroom.) Sara: Hey ... the toilet seat's up. (GRISSOM turns around and looks at the bathroom. He sees it, too.) Sara: There was a man here. FADE TO BACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY - DAY] (CATHERINE turns the hallway corner.) Catherine: Nick. (CATHERINE walks up to NICK.) Catherine: Tell me what you got? Nick: Coroner said it's cut and dry. Bullet severed an abdominal artery. Catherine: Trajectory? Nick: Front to back. Straight across. Round entered one inch to the right of the umbilicus. Bullet's with ballistics. Vega's got the widow. They're ready for us. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM - DAY] (CATHERINE, NICK and DET. VEGA interview MRS. JASPER. She speaks slowly, still stunned by the news.) Mrs. Jasper: Jimmy left early, before I got up. When he didn't come home for dinner I just figured that he got himself a deer. Nick: Did he go by himself? Det. Vega: He took a day off of work in the middle of the week? Mrs. Jasper: Well, um, we had both been laid off recently. He was in insurance. He was an auditor. Catherine: And how was your husband handling that? Mrs. Jasper: Well, you know, he was okay. I mean, uh ... we had to borrow money from his folks to pay the rent. That was hard on him. (She turns to CATHERINE.) Mrs. Jasper: I have to call them. I haven't called them, I ... (She moves to stand up. CATHERINE stops her.) Catherine: Mrs. Jasper, was your husband an experienced hunter? Mrs. Jasper: Yes. Since he was a kid. (sighs) He always looked forward to deer season. But, with the baby and all, he missed the last few. (She starts to cry.) Mrs. Jasper: It's me. Isn't it? I encouraged him to go. I thought that it would help him take his mind off things. Oh ... what am I going to do? (DET. VEGA and NICK look at each other.) Nick: Can you think of any reason James wasn't wearing a safety vest? Mrs. Jasper: (sighs) No. I mean, he was always so careful. That doesn't sound right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- DNA LAB] (GRISSOM turns the corner and enters the lab. He stops and stands in front of GREG. GREG looks up from his scope.) Greg: If you're here about the blood on Joan Marks' shoe, I already told Sara. I'm backed up. Grissom: I'm here about foreign DNA on Donna Marks' neck. Greg: Oh. Well, on that, I got an ID. Grissom: You found a match in CODIS? Greg: Nope, but I ran a DNA profile on both victims. What do all sisters have in common? DNA. (GREG hands GRISSOM the test results.) Grissom: You're saying that Donna's sister scratched her? (Quick flashback to: Close up of DONNA MARKS' neck. A woman yells out. Another female hand scratches the neck leaving behind bloodied marks. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GREG makes a cat hissing sound complete with hand motions.) Greg: So, did I solve the case? Grissom: No, Greg, you didn't. But you've helped. (GRISSOM leaves. Camera holds on GREG.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (BRASS turns the corner and walks rapidly down the hallway. SARA turns the corner behind BRASS and shouts to get his attention. She rushes to catch up with him and together they continue down the hallway.) Sara: Hey, Brass. Heard the database kicked out a Temporary Restraining Order. Joan Marks against her old boyfriend. Brass: I'll do you one better. The old boyfriend, Gavin Pallard had one against her. Sara: Tit for tat. Brass: They both filed last month. (BRASS stops in front of a room. He turns to look at SARA.) Brass: Want to find out why? (SARA smiles at the invitation.) Sara: Don't mind if I do. (BRASS opens the door and they both enter the room..) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Gavin Pallard: See this? (GAVIN PALLARD points to a small scar to the right of his chin.) Didn't get this french kissing. Joanie had a temper. Punctuated her sentences by throwing furniture. Made it hot, you know. We'd break up to make up. (BRASS and SARA interview GAVIN PALLARD, JOANIE MARKS' (ex)-boyfriend.) Brass: What about the last time? Gavin Pallard: Look, the whole T.R.O. business ... she'd been in and out of my house three times. Couldn't stay away. Sara: According to you. When did you see her last? Gavin Pallard: Yesterday. I dodged a coffee pot. She hit the road. Sara: What was she driving? Gavin Pallard: My Thunderbird. I'd lent it to her, and used my bike. But, um, you know ... I'd like it back now. Brass: When we find it. Sara: Did she tell you she was going to her sister's? Gavin Pallard: No. Why would she go there? It's oil and water. And Joanie liked action. Real partier. Last party Donna went to was her third birthday. Sara: What about you? You been to Donna's house recently? Gavin Pallard: No. Boring. Was always glued to her computer. Plus Joan thought Donna owed her rent and ... the house was in both their names, so ... Sara: May I ... see the bottom of your shoes? Gavin Pallard: Why? Sara: Why not? (Thinking nothing of it, GAVIN PALLARD swings his legs up and rests his feet on the table, soles of his shoes facing SARA. SARA uses her flashlight and examines the bottom of his shoes. She finds blood stains.) Sara: (smiles) I like the shoes. I like them enough to get a warrant. (Camera holds on GAVIN PALLARD.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- BALLISTICS LAB] (NICK and CATHERINE walk to the Ballistics Lab. BOBBY DAWSON sees them coming.) Bobby Dawson: I was just calling you. Catherine: You were? (NICK and CATHERINE walk into the lab.) Bobby Dawson: Yeah, carved your bullet out of that hunk of tree. Ah ... you know, a bullet's only this big. (BOBBY holds his index finger and thumb an inch apart to show the length of a bullet.) Bobby Dawson: Y'all gave me a pound of redwood. Catherine: That's cottonwood. Bobby Dawson: You should know. (beat) Heard you wanted Nick to chop down the whole tree. (BOBBY grins.) Catherine: (smiling) I did. Nick: Tell us about the bullet now. Striations, lands, grooves? Bobby Dawson: I found some discoloration on the bullet's tail. Check it out. (CATHERINE looks at the bullet BOBBY DAWSON'S holding under the magnifying glass.) Catherine: Ah, oxidation. Bobby Dawson: Yeah, copper jacketed. The tail was exposed. Nick: Oxidation takes a lot more than 24 hours. Bobby Dawson: Yeah, no way to backdate it, but it's definitely older than y'all's crime scene. (DET. VEGA knocks lightly on the door and enters the lab. He has a clipboard with him.) Det. Vega: How's it going? Catherine: Well, we've got the wrong bullet but the case still seems like a write-off. Nick: Yeah, nothing we have says that it wasn't a hunting accident. Det. Vega: Insurance policy, two months old. A million bucks goes to the widow. (DET. VEGA hands the clipboard to CATHERINE.) Nick: She was crying poverty when she was in the money? Det. Vega: There's more. It wasn't purchased by Mr. Jasper. Catherine: She bought it? Det. Vega: Monthly installments taken on Mrs. Jasper's credit card. Catherine: He's in the insurance business and she buys a policy behind his back. (NICK looks at CATHERINE.) Nick: We've got to find that bullet. (She nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (WARRICK starts to flip over the pieces of glass taken from the patio floor.) (Using the hint given to him by GRISSOM earlier, he turns the light off and uses a hand-held ALS. He flips the pieces over to make them face the right way.) (Dissolve to WARRICK making sure that all the pieces are flipped the right way.) (Dissolve to top view of WARRICK, under regular light, putting the glass pieces together like a big puzzle.) (Dissolve to WARRICK standing and working on the left side of the table. More of the glass is in order.) (Dissolve to WARRICK standing and working on the back side of the table. Most of the glass is in order.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Camera close up of the front page to Internet Online. SARA clicks on "Mail Shop" and it takes her to DONNA MARKS' e-mail.) Sara: (o.s.) Donna Marks was a telecommunicator. Liked to shop. Mail order, over the phone. I retrieved lots of email confirmations. (SARA is speaking to GRISSOM who looks at the monitor over her shoulder.) Grissom: If she shopped online why'd she place orders over the phone? Sara: Need for human contact. Grissom: Without physical contact? Sara: She spent time in chat rooms. Book clubs, home crafts collected fountain pens. Grissom: Personal e-mails? Sara: Only one buddy on her buddy list. Screen name's "Apollo." Grissom: Pull up his most recent. Sara: That would be three days ago. (reading) "I know it sounds weird, but ... my life began when I first heard your voice ..." (Quick flashback to DONNA MARKS sitting in front of her computer reading the e-mail out loud.) Donna Marks: "... when you said my name, it felt so right. Did you feel it, too?" (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (SARA and GRISSOM look at each other.) Sara: It's easy to wear your heart on your sleeve when you're not looking in his eyes. He said her name so their relationship must've extended beyond the computer. Grissom: So, what do we know about this "Apollo"? (SARA pulls up another screen.) Sara: You know that garbage those numbers at the bottom of every email? Grissom: Yeah. Sara: It's actually a unique number that registers the location of the sender's terminal. Grissom: An address? (The screen runs a program to search the location for the IP Address: 417.216.55.69. After a moment, the computer beeps that the IP Address has been "located".) (The computer spits out seven IP Addresses. It blinks on screen as it locates the street address and location.) Sara: Internet Protocol Address. CSI has access. Seven different IP addresses means he used seven different computers. Grissom: That's strange. Sara: Could be a network. (The computer beeps.) Sara: "23000 Ganza Avenue, Ely, Nevada. Western Nevada Correctional Facility." Grissom: Her greek god is in the slam. (SARA turns to look at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WESTERN NEVADA CORRECTIONAL FACILITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN NEVADA CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - DAY] (The WARDEN escorts GRISSOM into the facility from the outside. They walk through the hallway) Warden: Like it or not, prison is a business. This facility is privately owned. Contract with the state. Our aim is simple: Customer Satisfaction. Grissom: The key to any successful business, huh? Word of mouth. Warden: A body in every cot. Criminals are cutting deals to get sent here. Grissom: I imagine. It's like a theme park. Warden: More guys through the turnstile, more money we make. (They come to a door and a guard buzzes them in.) Grissom: So, as long as I'm in business, you're in business. Warden: K'ching. [NT. - COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (They enter a room where the inmates are telephone operators and work on computers. There are guards posted inside the room.) Grissom: Are your inmates allowed to use e-mail anywhere else but here? Warden: No, personal computers are prohibited. But they're allowed to surf the web, send and receive e-mail? Only at these terminals. And all internet activity is strictly monitored. (GRISSOM looks around the room. We can hear some of the inmates taking down telephone orders.) Inmate #1 (operator): The blouse comes in Laguna Blue, Amazon Green and Tahitian Red, which is our most popular color. Inmate #2 (operator): How would you like that shipped? UPS? Second day air? Overnight? (GRISSOM turns around and faces the WARDEN.) Grissom: Something tells me state funds aren't your only source of revenue. Warden: We have contracts with several retailers. Perfectly legal. Grissom: So, let me get this straight. I receive a catalog in the mail. I call a toll-free number to place an order and I'm giving my personal credit card information to a "Hello, I'm doing 'time-life'" operator? Warden: Once the order's routed to the fulfillment center only the retailer has access. Grissom: All right, let's cut to the chase. I'm investigating the deaths of two young women one of whom was having a "relationship" with an inmate at this facility. I need to speak to that inmate. His e-mail alias is "Apollo." Warden: I'll check the log. (The WARDEN walks off to one of three clipboards hanging on the wall. He takes the clipboard and returns to GRISSOM.) Warden: I'm sorry, I can't help you. Grissom: I can get a warrant. Warden: Won't do you much good. Grissom: Why? Warden: Mickey Rutledge, aka "Apollo," was released three days ago. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (WARRICK picks off a dark-colored fiber off of a piece of clothing. He cuts the tip off of the fiber and looks at it again under the magnifying glass.) (SARA enters the lab.) Sara: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Sara: How's the glass puzzle going? Warrick: Still putting it together. I'm just doing a trace on Donna Marks' clothing and I came across this fiber. Look at this cross section. (SARA leans in and looks at what WARRICK is holding. Camera zooms in to the fiber for a close up.) Sara: Triangular. That means it can't be clothing fiber. Warrick: Yeah, short and coarse. Car upholstery? (SARA takes a couple of steps back.) Sara: Yeah ... but that still doesn't get us anything. We found both vics near the freeway. We've been thinking vehicle transport from the start. Warrick: Well, it's from black upholstery. What color was the boyfriend's missing thunderbird? Sara: I'll ask him ... and his lawyer. The blood from his shoe was consistent with Donna Marks' DNA-- he lied. He was at the house. Warrick: Really? What about the blood from Joan Marks' shoe? Sara: Also a match. Joan and Gavin ... both stepped in Donna's blood. (WARRICK nods as he thinks about it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY] (SARA and BRASS question GAVIN PALLARD with his lawyer sitting next to him.) Gavin Pallard: Fine, I went there. Sara: We already know that. Brass: We're looking for, "Fine I went there ... and..." Lawyer: My client went there after the fact. He was looking for his girlfriend -- didn't find her. Brass: Right ... he found a crime scene. Sara: Broken glass a pool of blood. Brass: But you didn't call 9-1-1. Gavin Pallard: I was scared. I took off. Besides, there was a restraining order against me. Sara: Gavin, what color's your car? Your missing Thunderbird? Gavin Pallard: Blue, why? Sara: Interior? Gavin Pallard: Black ... did you find it? Brass: Not yet. Sara: But we will. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WOODS - DAY] (CATHERINE and NICK prepared to look for the missing bullet. They both wear their orange safety vests.) Catherine: (o.s.) Okay, the tree is a point of reference. Nick: Yeah, and since the bullet didn't hit the tree, and the blood's to the west, then the through-and-through defines our search area. The furthest drop of blood is here ... (NICK indicates where he's standing.) ... The spatter seems to be confined to a 45 degree angle. (CATHERINE stretches a rope in one direction ... ) Catherine: So the bullet should be somewhere between your rope and mine. Nick: Yeah, we've reduced a 360 degree crime scene to a 45 degree angle. ( ... NICK takes his rope and stretches it in another direction.) Catherine: Congratulations to us. Still a needle in a haystack. (NICK laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CATHERINE and NICK both look for the bullet on the ground using metal detectors. For each time the metal detector beeps, they drop a marker.) (CATHERINE walks by marker #2. The next marker she holds in her hand is marker (Cut to: NICK sweeps the ground and hears a beep. With his foot, he straightens marker #13.) (Cut to: CATHERINE hears a beep and places marker #6 on the ground. Cut to CATHERINE straightening marker #8 on the ground. She stands.) (Cut to overhead view of the two sweeping the 45 degree roped off area.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CATHERINE stops sweeping and pulls off her earphones.) Catherine: Nick. Nick: Yeah? Catherine: Let's just pack it up. The bullet couldn't have gone this far. (NICK turns off his equipment and heads back. CATHERINE also heads back.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CATHERINE and NICK bump into the PARK RANGER.) Park Ranger: Hey... saw your, uh, Tahoe. I didn't expect to see you guys back here. Catherine: Yeah, just tying up a few loose ends. Park Ranger: Well, maybe this will help. Your dead hunter, James Jasper, didn't purchase a hunting license. Nick: Well, he was out of work. Maybe he was trying to save money. Park Ranger: A license is 24 bucks. Hunting without one is a $1,000 fine and up to six months in jail. Nick: Whoa. Well, that's not worth the risk. Maybe he wasn't up here to hunt? Catherine: We haven't heard a single shot all day. Where are these hunters that you talked about? Park Ranger: You only hunt deer at dusk and at dawn. Nick: Right, right ... feeding time, it's ... when they're out in the open. What about other game? Park Ranger: This time of year, only deer's in season. You can take off those vests if you want. Catherine: No one hunts during the day but the coroner placed Jasper's time of death at 2:00 P.M. Nick: Yeah, that's an odd time for a hunting accident. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (SARA walks down the hallway. She turns a corner and bumps into GRISSOM.) Grissom: Hey. Sara: Hey. Brass is holding the boyfriend on a TRO violation. I'm going back to the lab to process the prints we lifted from the toilet seat. Guy claims he was in and out. I'm thinking no time to make a pit stop. Grissom: I processed the prints. Sara: (surprised) You did? Grissom: They're not a match to Joan's boyfriend. Sara: What? Grissom: But ... we do have a match. Sara: Donna's cyber boyfriend? I thought he was in jail. Grissom: Released last week. His parole officer brought him in. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY] (GRISSOM and SARA interview MICKEY RUTLEDGE, aka "Apollo". His lawyer sits next to him.) Mickey Rutledge: You're fishing, I just got out of the joint. I was never at Donna's house. Grissom: We found your fingerprints on the toilet seat in her bathroom. (The lawyer turns to look at MICKEY RUTLEDGE.) Mickey Rutledge: What, are you going to do? Arrest me for flushing a toilet? Grissom: Well, unfortunately I can't arrest you for lying. Mickey Rutledge: (to his lawyer) Help me out here, will you? Lawyer: Mickey, you have the right to an attorney. But if you're not hiding anything I suggest you answer their questions. (He turns back to GRISSOM and sighs.) Mickey Rutledge: Look, we met over the internet. We had a lot in common -- Donna understood my situation. When I told her I was getting out ... well, she invited me over. CUE: DOORBELL (PRELAP) (Quick flashback to: DONNA MARKS opens her front door. MICKEY RUTLEDGE is standing in the front porch holding a bouquet of flowers.) Donna Marks: (shyly) Hi. No one's ever brought me flowers. (MICKEY RUTLEDGE smiles, pleased with her response.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Mickey Rutledge: She served take-out ... (He smiles as he remembers. He even chuckles a little.) Mickey Rutledge: ... But what do I care? It wasn't chipped beef. (Quick flashback to: MICKEY RUTLEDGE and DONNA MARKS eating dinner. He has an appetite. She's pleased.) Donna Marks: (smiling) How is it? Mickey Rutledge: Sweet and sour pork ... my favorite. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: So she invites you for lunch everything's great. And somewhere between the fortune cookies and sunset ... Donna and her sister are both murdered. Thoughts? (MICKEY RUTLEDGE stares at SARA for a moment. He gives a nervous chuckle.) Mickey Rutledge: I think the sister's a piece of work. Soon as we finish eating, she shows up ... with an attitude. (Quick flashback to: JOAN MARKS standing in the kitchen and yelling at her sister.) Joan Marks: This is my house, too! (DONNA MARKS finishes putting the food containers in the refrigerator and turns around to look at her sister.) Donna Marks: I'm paying the taxes. (DONNA MARKS looks past JOAN. JOAN turns around and sees MICKEY RUTLEDGE standing there. She turns back to her sister.) Joan Marks: Who the hell is this? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Mickey Rutledge: First thing I learned in the joint -- when inmates are fighting, you make yourself invisible. So I got out of there. Grissom: Six months ago, Donna Marks ordered a sweater and two scarves from Magnolia Apparel. You took the order. Mickey Rutledge: I took fifty calls a day. Grissom: How many of your callers invited you home and served you Chinese food? (MICKEY swallows. He glances over at SARA.) Grissom: When Donna placed her order for the clothes she gave you her email address, didn't she? Mickey Rutledge: (nods) Yeah ... she was lonely. She struck up a conversation with me. Reached out. (to SARA) Hey -- you know, I don't usually meet girls like Donna. She was nice. Sara: She was vulnerable. No social life, no friends, not even a cat. All she had was her work. She ordered from catalogs to give herself something to look forward to. Grissom: You know, Mickey. I don't think your intention was to kill. All of your priors are for non-violent activities, right? Mickey Rutledge: Look, I've been in the system, I know the law. I admit, I was there. So what? (He looks over at SARA and at GRISSOM. He stands up and heads out the door.) Mickey Rutledge: You know where to find me. (He opens the door and leaves.) LAWYER (to GRISSOM) I'll keep my eye on him. (The LAWYER closes his notebook and heads out the door.) (SARA turns to GRISSOM.) Sara: Joan's boyfriend, Gavin Pallard -- blood on his shoe and a TRO. Donna's boyfriend, Mickey Rutledge -- opportunity and a rap sheet. Both hid the truth ... until confronted with the evidence. (GRISSOM looks away and considers it for a moment.) Grissom: Well, we know we have two liars. Do we have a killer? (GRISSOM looks at SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT LAB] (WARRICK continues to work on putting the glass pieces together. GRISSOM walks in. WARRICK looks up and sees GRISSOM.) Warrick: Hey. Point of impact. It's, uh ... (WARRICK takes out a tape measures and measures the point of impact.) ... sixty-... five inches from the base. Grissom: So what does that tell us? Warrick: Well, Donna was five-six. If she was thrown through that glass, the point of impact would've been lower closer to the ground. (Quick flashback to someone throwing DONNA MARKS through the glass door. It is noted that she falls through the glass low to the ground, lower than what it actually is. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: She had multiple incised wounds. But the only contusion was on her forehead suggesting that that's where contact was made. So she was standing upright when she went through the door. (Quick flashback to: DONNA MARKS on the inside of the kitchen. She's standing upright, turns, and walks into the glass door. Once outside, she falls to the ground. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: She walked through it. Warrick: Are you saying it was an accident? Grissom: It's your science. (SARA walks into the lab. She looks at the completed glass on the table.) Sara: Nice work. Warrick: Thanks. Sara: P.D. Found GAVIN PALLARD'S Thunderbird hidden off the I-69 five miles from the dump site. Grissom: Hook up with auto detail, tow it in. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Something yellow drips down on SARA'S goggles. She wipes it away with her finger.) (She rolls out from under the car. GRISSOM is kneeling next to the front tires waiting for her. SARA sits up and removes her goggles.) Sara: Radiator's cracked. Grissom: Well, that might explain why Joan bought coolant twice in the last week from a convenience store. We ran her credit cards. Sara: Well ... whoever drove this puppy last filled up the radiator fluid but, instead of coolant, they used water. Grissom: Either someone unfamiliar with the car, or ... someone in a desperate situation maybe. Sara: Radiator cap. I'll print it. Grissom: Good. (GRISSOM reaches up and grabs a container, which he hands to SARA.) Grab me a sample of fluid, too, will you? (GRISSOM stands and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (NICK sprays something on JAMES JASPERS' clothing.) Nick: Gunshot residue. Catherine: Expect the unexpected. GSR on the clothing means the victim was shot at close range. (Quick flashback to: A gun being fired and hitting clothing. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: So now what? We're thinking murder? Catherine: Or suicide. Nick: He never fired his rifle. What'd he shoot himself with? Catherine: Okay. But if he was murdered, we should've found some evidence of the killer at the crime scene. Nick: Yeah, not to mention whoever shot him would've been eyeball-to-eyeball. Who could've gotten that close without Mr. Jasper putting up a struggle? (CATHERINE looks at NICK, waiting for him to reach the same conclusion she's reached.) Nick: Somebody he knew. I'm going to call O'Riley see if he's checked out Mrs. Jasper's alibi. I'll meet you at the car. (NICK leaves the lab.) Catherine: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE LAB -- CONTINUOUS (SARA walks down the hallway. She passes by NICK as he leaves the lab.) Sara: Hey, Nick. Nick: Hey, Sara. (He turns around.) Hey, how's your case going? (SARA stops and turns around.) Sara: You ever try to print a radiator cap? Smudge city. Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I know, it's impossible. But it's just a radiator cap so give yourself a break. Sara: Thank you. (SARA starts to leave.) Nick: Hey, Sara ... (she stops and turns around again.) ... you gotta get out more. (SARA stares at him. NICK slowly backs away from SARA till he leaves the hallway. SARA turns back and continues down the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- DNA LAB] (GREG holds up the sample of radiator water as he looks at it. GRISSOM leans against the table.) Greg: So you got this water from a radiator? Grissom: Yes. Greg: Well, it ain't no Rocky Mountain Spring. Grissom: What is it, Greg? Greg: Nasty sodium count. Potassium, phosphorus. (GREG hands the test results to GRISSOM to look at. GRISSOM looks up, thinking.) Greg: (smiling) You've got that look. What did I say right? (GRISSOM doesn't say anything. He puts the test results back on the table and leaves the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WOODS - DAY] (CATHERINE and NICK walk through the woods. NICK finishes up his phone call and hangs up.) Nick: (on phone) Okay. Thanks for the info. We'll keep you posted. (hangs up) Well, Mrs. Jasper's alibi checks out. She was at work from 2:00 A.M. To 6:00 P.M. Ate lunch at her desk. (They reach the scene and put their kits down.) Catherine: She didn't kill her husband. Nick: Murder for hire? Catherine: A pro would've shot him in the heart. Nick: This guy was shot in the gut. Bullet didn't even come close to his spinal cord. (Quick CGI POV of the bullet piercing through the cloth, through flesh and exiting out the back and through into the woods. End of CGI POV.) Nick: Wait a minute now. Abdominal injuries take time to bleed out. But it would've taken at least ten minutes for hemorrhagic shock to set in and he would've been mobile. Catherine: Right. But he never moved. He was standing in front of this tree when he was shot. He didn't try to get to his car, get help, he just ... sat down and waited to die. Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I see where you're going here. His injuries and his behavior aren't consistent with murder. But they're not consistent with suicide either. Catherine: Ninety-nine out of 100 suicides by gun ... muzzle to the mouth, bullet to the brain. But there's always just that one. Nick: Look, suicidals want it quick and painless. Bleeding to death is slow and painful. Not to mention, he never fired his rifle. Catherine: No, the weapon we found was never fired. Nick: (laughs) That-that's a big stretch. He brought his rifle plus a spare? Catherine: He shoots himself in the gut leaving himself time to hide the weapon. Nick: Yeah, but there's no blood trail. What'd he do with the spare, throw it up a tree? (NICK looks up at the trees above. CATHERINE takes a walk out toward the lake.) Catherine: How about the lake? (NICK turns around. He's starting to see the possibilities.) Nick: Yeah. Yeah, okay-- heads up. (NICK motions for CATHERINE to move aside. He picks up a rock and tosses it into the lake from where the body was found. The rock lands in the lake with a splash.) Nick: I just marked our search area. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WOODS/ LAKE - DAY] (Under the water, a metal rod prods along the bottom of the lake. They're looking for the gun.) (Cut to above water: NICK and CATHERINE are in their rubber swim gear, each carrying a metal rod and prod it along the bottom of the lake.) Nick: You know, even if your theory's right, we still haven't explained the insurance policy purchased by the wife. Catherine: Hey. (CATHERINE hits something. She looks up at NICK. NICK makes his way to CATHERINE.) Catherine: Metal on metal. Nick: Hold up, let me give you a hand. (NICK reaches into the lake and picks up the gun.) Catherine: Okay. Right there. Nick: Yeah. I got it. I got it. Nick: Whoa ... water pistol. Catherine: Well, we never found the bullet, but we found the gun. (Still standing in the lake, NICK and CATHERINE look over at the tree where the body was found. As if they were watching it replay on the big screen, they see the events unfold.) (Quick flashback to JAMES JASPER holding the pistol aimed at his abdomen. He fires. He doubles over in pain, but before he collapses, he tosses the gun into the lake. He then falls to his knees. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Cut back to NICK and CATHERINE imagining it happening in front of them.) Catherine: Mr. Jasper committed suicide. Nick: And the wife's out a million bucks. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM - NIGHT] (DET. VEGA brings MRS. JASPER a cup of coffee. She's sitting in the waiting room. CATHERINE sits in the seat across and facing her. VEGA remains standing.) Mrs. Jasper: Thank you. Catherine: Mrs. Jasper, you purchased a life insurance policy on your husband in which you are the sole beneficiary. (She shakes her head.) Mrs. Jasper: I don't know what you're talking about. Catherine: We have the actual application for the policy with your signature. Det. Vega: Ma'am, you are aware that insurance policies exclude suicide? Catherine: Your husband staged his death to look like a homicide. As a beneficiary, if you knew of his intentions to take his own life, that would constitute fraud. Mrs. Jasper: If I knew, I would've stopped him. Jimmy was everything to me. (CATHERINE glances over and sees NICK signaling to her through the window.) I didn't buy the policy. I didn't know about his plans. (NICK walks into the waiting room area holding a file folder.) Catherine: Hi. (NICK hands CATHERINE the file. She opens it and reads it. She looks up at NICK.) Catherine: (to NICK) You want to explain this? (CATHERINE holds the folder out for NICK to take.) Nick: Sure. Mrs. Jasper, when you claimed your husband's personal possessions, you signed a release form, yeah? (She nods her head slightly.) Nick: I ran that same form through our questionable documents lab and I cross-checked your signature with the signature on the insurance application here. It's not yours. Your husband must've forged it. I also checked with the insurance company. Your husband opened the account. Mrs. Jasper: (stunned) Why ... ? Why? I don't understand that. Why did he do that? Catherine: Because he knew that if he had bought the insurance himself it would've sent up a red flag. Mrs. Jasper: (voice breaking) So what you're saying is ... that my husband killed himself for me? Nick: Yes, ma'am. (MRS. JASPER puts a hand to her forehead and cries.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY] (GRISSOM walks with WILLOUGHBY.) Willoughby: Well, it may sound funny but I'm proud of it. Took almost a year to put in my new fertigation system. In automatically mixes the fertilizer with the irrigation system. Grissom: How about that? Economical and practical. Willoughby: What you're looking for is over here. (WILLOUGHBY points to something off to the side. They stop walking near a water pipe.) Willoughby: Cars are always overheating on this stretch and everyone thinks water's free. Grissom: What do you use in your fertilizer? Nitrogen, phosphorous and potassium? Willoughby: Standard 6-10-10 mixture. Grissom: Mr. Willoughby, would you mind if I fingerprint your spigot? Willoughby: No one's ever asked me that before. [SCENE_BREAK] (GRISSOM dusts the spigot.) (Dissolve to GRISSOM lightly removing the print off of the spigot.) (Dissolve to GRISSOM taking a sample of the water from the pipe.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] (GRISSOM pushes a pitcher full of fertilizer water across the table toward MICKEY RUTLEDGE. The water in the pitcher looks unclean.) Grissom: Thirsty? Mickey Rutledge: I'm good, thanks. Grissom: Yeah, I wouldn't drink it either. I wouldn't even put it in my radiator. I don't have all the pieces yet, Mickey, but, uh ... I'll tell you what we do have. (Quick flashback to: JOAN MARKS yelling at MICKEY RUTLEDGE in DONNA MARKS' kitchen.) Joan Marks: You're an ex-con -- get the hell out of here! (DONNA MARKS steps between her sister and her guest.) Donna Marks: Don't listen to her, Mickey. This is my house. This is my life! Joan Marks: You're so desperate you've got to get a date through the computer and then you end up with him-- pathetic! (MICKEY RUTLEDGE turns and walks away. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: We know that Joan scratched Donna. We also know that Donna died first. Mickey Rutledge: I didn't kill her. Grissom: That's right, you didn't. (Quick flashback to DONNA and JOAN struggling in the kitchen. MICKEY RUTLEDGE stands outside the glass door watching.) Joan Marks: You are so selfish! Donna Marks: Stop it! Get your hands off me! Joan Marks: No! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Donna's death was an accident. (Quick flashback to: DONNA MARKS turns around to get out of her sister's grip and she accidentally walks into the glass door, breaking it and killing herself. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: But Joan went off on you. And up to that point, you hadn't done anything wrong. Brass: So what went wrong? Mickey Rutledge: It wasn't my fault. (Quick flashback to MICKEY RUTLEDGE over DONNA MARKS' body. He looks up at JOAN MARKS.) Mickey Rutledge: She's dead. Joan Marks: You're going right back where you came from. (She turns to leave the kitchen. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (MICKEY RUTLEDGE rests his chin on his clasps his hands, elbows on the table. He sighs heavily.) Mickey Rutledge: Rehabilitation was working for me. But you put a guy in that position ... Grissom: ... He's got to go all the way. (Quick flashback to: MICKEY grabs JOAN from behind and breaks her neck. She falls to the floor, dead. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: You figured if you hid the bodies, you'd be in the clear. Brass: But you didn't have a car. Joan did. (Quick flashback. to: The car's radiator overheats. Smoking, the car stops. MICKEY gets out of the car.) (Cut to: He takes the bodies out of the trunk and puts them in the pipes.) (Cut to: Thinking that it's water, he fills a bucket with fertilizer to use on the car.) (Cut to: He pours the liquid into the radiator. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: (shakes her head) You could've just backed off, let Joan make the call. (MICKEY gives off a skeptical chuckle. He looks up at SARA.) Mickey Rutledge: I would've landed myself right back in the joint. Sara: you don't know that. Mickey Rutledge: Come on. Who's going to believe a guy like me? Grissom: A guy like me. (MICKEY looks at GRISSOM and SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SARA'S HOME - NIGHT] (SARA walks in and closes the door. She puts the keys on the counter, puts her bag down and takes off her jacket. Without hesitating, she takes the nearest trashcan, opens the refrigerator and throws away all the take-out boxes on the shelves. That done, she takes down all the menus from the refrigerator and throws those away, also. She picks up the stack of catalogues on her counter and tosses them away as well.) (She looks at her answering machine and notices that there are no messages for her.) (She picks up the phone and dials.) Sara: (on phone) Hey, it's Sara. I was, uh, thinking ... You want to go out ... somewhere?

Grissom and Sara are called to the crime scene when two murder victims are found hidden in pipes at a construction site in the middle of an alfalfa field, while Catherine and Nick investigate an ostensible hunting accident. The investigation of the construction site murder reveals that the victims were sisters and the relationship of one of the sisters to a former prison inmate is a cause for suspicion -- especially when his presence is traced to the scene of the crime. Meanwhile, Catherine and Nick begin to doubt seriously that the body found in the woods was the victim of a hunting accident.

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x05

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x05_0

SCOTT: Previously on Teen Wolf... Coach: Someone ask her if she's ever played lacrosse. (GROWLS) Stiles: The kid's got some serious anger issues. Deputy Parrish: Does anyone recognize the handle "Benefactor"? Kira: What do you hear? LYDIA: The key to break the code. (BEEPING) Lydia: It's a dead pool. Sheriff: He's an assassin. (CHOKING) Garrett: Our friend just sent me a text. (PANTING) (WHIRRING) (PANTING) Carrie: The sun, the moon, the truth. (SOFTLY) The sun, the moon, the truth. (DOOR OPENING) (EXCLAIMING) (GRUNTS) (CAR HONKING) (TIRES SCREECH) Garrett: Get in! Come on, she's coming, get in! Seriously? I can't believe you fell for that. (GASPS) (MUSIC PLAYING) Stiles: So, the Walcott's were the first. At least the first that we know about. Four murders. Sean, his brother, and their parents. They were killed by a professional assassin called The Mute. Weapon of choice, a military tomahawk. But then The Mute was killed by Peter Hale after he tried to blow up Derek with a Claymore mine. Next was Demarco. He delivered a keg to the party at Lydia's lake house. And got decapitated outside his car. Chris: Does the scent tell you anything? Scott: Definitely a werewolf. But there's more. I think he was part of a pack. Chris: Well, if he was, they'll be looking for him. Stiles: And then last night, 23-year-old Carrie Hudson. Scott: It's a dead pool. A hit list of supernatural creatures. This is only part of it. The rest still has to be decoded. Sheriff: Who found this list? Stiles: Lydia. Sheriff: How? Stiles: She wrote it. Actually, she transcribed it. Without realizing it. Sheriff: Banshee? Stiles: Banshee. Sheriff: Beautiful. All right, what are these numbers next to the names? Stiles: We're getting to that. First, you need to know that the code was broken with a cipher key. Sheriff: Wait. You mean, like a... Like a key word? Stiles: It's actually a name. Scott: Allison. Stiles: Her name broke a third of the list. Scott: And now we think there's two other cipher keys. Sheriff: Which will give us the rest of the names. Okay. So how do we get the cipher keys? Stiles: Same way we got the code. Scott: Lydia. She's been out at the lake house all weekend trying to find the other two key words. (STATIC) (STATIC RESUMES) Sheriff: You didn't know about Demarco or Carrie. Hmm? And what about these other two names on the list? Uh, Kayleen Bettcher and Elias Town. They werewolves too? Scott: I don't know. But Deaton said that the Nemeton would draw supernatural creatures here. Sheriff: Here being Beacon Hills? Or Beacon County? The population of Beacon Hills is just under 30,000. Stiles: And dropping.... Sheriff: But if we're talking Beacon County, then you're looking at close to 500,000. Look, how many werewolves, banshees, kitsunes and whatever the hell else is out there are we talking about? And what if the next cipher key uncovers not 12 names but 100? Stiles: We don't think there would be that many. There's a limit. Scott: Because of the numbers. We think that once we decode the names, the numbers will add up to 117. Sheriff: 117 what? Scott: Million. Stiles: 117 million dollars, Dad. Stolen from the Hale vault and is being used by someone to finance all these murders. Scott: Someone who wants every supernatural in Beacon Hills dead. Sheriff: So the coded list goes out. And somehow these professional assassins get that list. Stiles: And a cipher key. Sheriff: And then they go after the names on the list. They being killers with no mouths, tomahawks, thermo-cut wires that can take your head off. Stiles: Let me see. Carrie was also stabbed. What's this mark? Sheriff: We're not sure yet. We're still waiting on the ME's report. There's one other thing I don't get. How did this new assassin know that Demarco was going to be at the lake house? Scott: Everyone knows he delivers kegs to teenagers for a little extra cash. Sheriff: Ah. So whoever ordered that keg killed Demarco. Stiles: Yeah, it was someone at the party. Scott: A student. (MUSIC PLAYING) Garrett: You all right? Violet: (SIGHS) I can handle a scratch or two if I know we're eventually going for the real money. The seven figure money. Garrett: We are. Violet: When? Garrett: Tonight. Mr Yukimura: It's not that we were wanting to talk to you. It's that we were wondering if you wanted to talk to us. Kira: About what? Mr Yukimura: About something that you forgot to mention? Something important. Kira: How important? Mr Yukimura: Exceptionally. Kira: (SOFTLY) Oh, God. You know? Mr Yukimura: We know. Kira: Look, I was going to tell you. We were going to tell you everything. About the dead pool, the assassins, the killings. But I didn't want you to worry. Mr Yukimura: I was talking about you joining the lacrosse team. Kira: Oh. Then never mind. Mr Yukimura: Dead pool? Mason: You know how I keep reminding Garrett to give me back my hoodie? Liam: Yeah. Mason: Well, I remembered you said he lived in that housing development on Spaulding. So I went there and guess what? The housing development is still in development. Liam: So? Mason: There are no houses yet. So unless the dude lives in some backhoe, there's something he's not telling us. And then there's this other dude, man, he's... He's been acting really strange. Running to school for no reason. Disappearing at parties. Used to be my best friend. Liam: Uh-huh. Mason: And he was apparently on steroids. Liam: What? Mason: You're not actually going to try to lift that, are you? Are you all right? I mean, is it about the game tonight? Liam: I'm fine. It's just a scrimmage. Mason: You know who you're playing, right? Liam: Yeah. I mean, no. I guess I missed the announcement. Mason: Liam, it's your old school. Devenford Prep. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Liam: What the hell? Where's my stick? (DOOR OPENING) Derek: Is this yours? (CLATTERS) (BREATHING HEAVILY) (GROWLING) SCOTT: (ECHOING) Liam. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Derek: You're right. He is angry. Scott: This one's yours. (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Scott: Get to class, Liam. What are you smiling about? Derek: You're gonna be good at this. Scott: Are you kidding? I am totally unprepared. Remember how you said you could teach me a few things? I think, right now I could use a full-on training manual. Derek: I'll tell you one thing. That anger he's got? It'll make him strong. Scott: And dangerous. Derek: Very. Scott: This was supposed to be the semester I could focus on school again. But Kate's back. And I've got a Beta.And there's a dead pool. Derek: If all our names are on that list, then that's what we should be focused on. Do you think Lydia can get that second key? Scott: She's working on it. Lydia: Please stop hovering. Malia: I'm not hovering. I'm waiting. Draw something. Write something. We need to know who else is on that list. Lydia: You mean, you need to know if you're on the list. Malia: If someone's coming to take my head off, then, yeah, I'd like to know. Lydia: Can you please just sit down? You're making me nervous. ,Malia: (WHISPERS) Sorry. Lydia. Lydia: What? Oh, my God, what? Malia: Maybe we need help. From another banshee. Lydia: Meredith. Coach: Economic disparity exists in all forms. Well, take sports, for example. Some teams have better training facilities. Some have better equipment. Unlike Beacon Hills that can barely afford the duct tape to keep our equipment together. You know, Stilinski, if I could grade you on how profoundly you disturb me, you'd be an A plus student. Stiles: Thanks, Coach. Coach: Put those pictures away. Stilinski! The hell is wrong with you? Don't answer that. Stiles: It's a lacrosse player. Scott: The killer's on the team. This... This is pointless. Most of the team plays with their own gear. Kira: Maybe instead of trying to find a lacrosse stick with a hidden dagger in it, we should be trying to get the game canceled? Scott: The game's the best way to catch him red-handed. Stiles: But what if he's red-handed 'cause his hands are covered in the blood of the person that he just stabbed to death? Which, by the way, could be either of you guys. Scott: Or Liam. Well, we don't have the whole list and he could be on it. Stiles: We don't know anything about that list. KIra: How it's made, how it's updated. I mean, who's been out taking a supernatural census anyway? How do they even know about me? Scott: They know about everyone. Stiles: (SIGHS) I think Kira's right. I think we should stop the game. Scott: I'm not afraid. Kira: Neither am I. Stiles: Well, I'm terrified. And I'm not even on the list. Guys, these are professional killers. It's their profession. One of them's got a thermo-cut wire that cuts heads off. Who knows what else they have? GARRETT: Wolfsbane. That's wolfsbane? I thought it was purple. Violet: Not this species. Which is very rare and very expensive. Garrett: What's that supposed to mean? "Don't screw up"? Violet: Don't miss. Okay, all you have to do is nick him. It'll work fast. Even on an Alpha. Garrett: We gonna do this again? Violet: I'm just saying I don't know why we're going after a Beta when there's an Alpha on the field. Garrett: Because an entire pack of Alphas went after McCall and he was the one left standing. Violet: It's a lot of money. Garrett: So is the Beta. (SIGHS) Lydia: Eichen House says Meredith can't have visitors without permission from a family member. Malia: That's not gonna be easy since her whole family is dead. Lydia: Perfect. Malia: Okay, maybe we go back to the art room? Or music room? Lydia: I'm not plucking piano strings for two hours waiting for some supernatural inspiration. Malia: Fine. What else do banshees do? Lydia: You think I know? I can't just turn this on. I'm not like you guys. I don't have claws, or glowing eyes or super senses. I just have voices in my head. (SIGHS) [SCENE_BREAK] MASON: Liam, wait. What, no, no, no, no. Liam. Liam: Brett! Ah, here we go. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Liam: I just wanted to say... Have a good game. (LAUGHING) Brett: That's cute, Liam. Is that what they told you to say in Anger Management? Apologize and everything's fine? You demolished Coach's car. Liam: I paid for it. Brett: Yeah, you're going to pay for it. We're gonna break you in half out there. And it's gonna be all your fault. Scott: Oh, sh1t. Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's go. Stiles: Hey, what's going on prep students? Welcome to our little public high school. How you doing? That's a firm handshake you got there. Uh, we're very excited for scrimmage tonight. Uh, but Let's keep it clean, all right? No rough stuff out there. All right, see you on the field. Go. (GROWLING) (ROARING) Stiles: Okay, you calm yet? (ROARING) Liam: Okay! Okay! (PANTING) Scott: That car you smashed. I thought you said that was your teacher's. Liam: He was also my Coach. He benched me for the entire season. Scott: What did you do? Liam: I got a couple of red cards. Stiles: Just a couple? Scott: You gotta be honest with us. What else happened? Liam: Nothing. I got kicked out of school. They sent me to a psychologist for evaluation. Scott: What did they call it? Liam: Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Stiles: I.E.D? You're literally an I.E.D? That's great. That's great. You gave powers to a walking time bomb. Scott: Did they give you anything for it? Liam: Risperdal. It's an antipsychotic. Stiles: Oh, this just gets better. Liam: But I don't take it. Stiles: Obviously. Liam: I can't play lacrosse on it. It makes me too tired. (SIGHS) Scott: Okay. I think you should bail out of the game. Tell Coach your leg is still hurting. Liam: No, no! I can do this. Especially if you're there. Scott: But, Liam, it's not just about the game. We think whoever killed Demarco might be on our team. Liam: Who's Demarco? Stiles: The one who brought the beer to the party. The guy who was beheaded. Remember? Scott: We think the person who ordered the keg killed Demarco. Liam? What, you know something? Liam: I don't know who ordered the keg. But I know who paid for it. Kira: Shouldn't we do something now? Scott: I mean, we can't. We're still not really sure if it's really him. And if we're wrong, then the real assassin gets away. (SIGHS) Scott: Nervous? Kira: About someone trying to kill us? Or about playing my first game? Scott: Both? Kira: Definitely both. Stiles: Hey, Dad, you're supposed to be here. Where the hell are you? Sheriff: I'm leaving now. And this conversation isn't getting me there any quicker. Deputy Parrish: Sheriff, I know you're in a hurry, but I was out on patrol and I found someone walking from the coast to the High School. Sheriff: That's gotta be at least 15 miles. Deputy Parrish: She was pretty determined. Meredith: I'm looking for Lydia. Liam: I don't care if he's a foot taller than me. I think I can take him. Mason: Yeah. Liam: What do you think you're doing? Mason: What? Me? (SCOFFS) Agreeing with you. I'm being agreeable. Liam: You think he's hot, don't you? Mason: No! No. Not at all. No way! Maybe. Yeah, maybe a little. Liam: He wants to destroy me. Mason: I think you could definitely take him. And then give him to me. (CHUCKLES) Coach: No, no just go out there and kick their smug prep school asses. Liam: All right. Derek: She was here for this. We use it to teach young Betas how to control the shifts on a full moon. Chris: Control was never one of Kate's strengths. Derek: You knew she was alive, didn't you? Chris: Not for certain. But I'd been searching ever since you handed me the shotgun shell. Is that possible? Derek: What are you gonna do when you find her? Chris: There's a place I can take her. Derek: You saying you have some kind of werewolf jail? CHRIS: Something like that. Derek: She won't go quietly. Chris: I don't expect her to. And I'll do what's necessary. (SIGHS) Derek: What if I asked you not to? She took something from me. At first, I just thought it was a part of my past. I started to lose something else. My sense of smell. I'm losing my power. Coach: Let's go! Let's go, come on! Hey, McCall, I said get your ass out on the field. Scott: But Coach, his leg's still healing. I don't think he should play. Coach: He said it's fine. Scott: As Captain, I'm suggesting Liam sit out the game. (LAUGHING) Coach: And as, uh, President of the United States, I'm vetoing that suggestion. Scott: What if he gets hurt? BRETT: Hey, Liam! Think fast! Coach: Oh, he plays. (WHISTLE BLOWING) Coach: There you go, Liam! Liam! Stilinski! McCall! Oh! (CHEERING) Kira: Why do I feel like this is going to end badly? Stiles: Because it usually does. Scott: Kira, you keep an eye on Garrett. I'll watch out for Liam. Stiles: Yeah, I'm just gonna try to play lacrosse. All right. Scott: Brett, I know you guys feel like you owe Liam some payback for what he did but could you just hold off for one night? Trust me. One night. Brett: Yeah, I can do that. Scott: Really? Brett: (CHUCKLES) No. (WHISTLE BLOWS) (CROWD CHEERING) SCOTT: Liam! (CROWD GASPING) Liam! (GRUNTING) (WHISTLE BLOWS) Sheriff: I'm aware this is probably about the dead pool, but I can't let her leave the station. And, in a minute, I'm gonna have to call Eichen House and let them know that she's here. Lydia: Give us an hour. Sheriff: You got 15 minutes. Deputy Parrish: You called Lydia? Sheriff: Yeah. Deputy Parrish: Because Meredith asked for her or because of the other thing? Sheriff: What other thing? Deputy Parrish: The psychic thing. Sheriff: You think Lydia's psychic? Deputy Parrish: Do you? Sheriff: No, I do not. I think that she is, uh... Intuitive. Deputy Parrish: That's what they used to call psychics. Intuitionists. Sheriff: Yeah, and I used to call myself a rational human being. Get in here and shut the door. (SIGHS) Sheriff: Ask what you need to ask. Lydia/b]: Meredith, aren't you going to answer it? [b]Meredith: (WHISPERS) It's not ringing. Stiles: You guys know that anabolic steroids are illegal in the United States? You wear a lot of facial hair for a teenager. What are you on? Seriously? HGH? Gamma radiation? (BLOWS WHISTLE) (CROWD CHEERING) STILES: Run Kira! Run, Kira, run! (WHOOPING) Coach: Pass it! Kira, pass the ball! Oh... (CHEERING) Whoo! Coach: Yukimura! Get over here. Take a seat. You're benched for the rest of the game. Kira: What? Why? Coach: You didn't pass. Kira: I had an open shot. Coach: The play was for you to pass. This is a scrimmage, It's about teamwork, Yukimura. So, you're benched. Lydia: Meredith, you came here to help us, remember? Meredith: You called me. Lydia: What do you mean I called you? Meredith: (WHISPERS) I heard you. Deputy Parrish: Meredith, can I ask you a question? When you need help, when you need to find something, is there someone you reach out to? Maybe someone you call? Meredith: It depends. Different people for different things. Deputy Parrish: So maybe there's a number that can help us? Someone we can call. Meredith: Yes. Deputy Parrish: Would you be okay telling us? Meredith: Yes. It's 2, 4, 3, 6. Malia: Mer, we need a few more numbers. Meredith: No. That's the number. Malia: Phone numbers are 10 digits. Meredith: That's the number. Lydia: Meredith, phone numbers always have 10 digits. Meredith: That's the number. Lydia: Meredith... Sheriff: Lydia. (SOFTLY) Hey. Come here. (LYDIA SIGHS) Sheriff: I think that's the best we're gonna get. Lydia: No. (WHISPERS) There has to be more. What's the rest of it, Meredith? Hmm? Just concentrate! Meredith: But that's... that's... that's the number. Lydia: Concentrate! Meredith: That's... That's the number. That's the number. Sheriff: It's okay, sweetheart. We're... Meredith: That's the number! (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Araya: In Mexico, we just call this a standoff. (CROWD CHEERING) (CROWD EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) SCOTT: Brett, you okay? Coach: Okay, back off! (GROANING) Coach: Back off! Scott: How hard did you hit him? Liam: I didn't. (PANTING) He hit me. Stiles: Ow. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Scott: Close your eyes. Liam: (CRIES OUT) Ow. (GROANING) (BRETT SCREAMING) MAN: All right, Brett, we're gonna pick you up now. (GROANING) Scott: Are you cut? Did Garret cut you? Liam: No, no. I'm okay. Scott: Then he missed. Liam: What do you mean? Scott: It's you, Liam. You're the one he's after. (SNIFFS) Malia: Lydia, what if it's like Algebra? Lydia: What do you mean? Malia: What if the numbers are actually letters? Lydia: Oh, God... Liam: I talked to Coach. I'm out for the rest of the game. What are you gonna do? Scott: I don't know. Something's still not right. We're missing something. Stiles: Guys. Lydia just broke another third of the list. Liam: Am I on it? Stiles: No. But someone else is. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Brett: What did you do to me? Violet: You were cut with a poisoned blade. It was laced with wolfsbane. It won't kill you. But this will. (SIZZLING) Brett: Why? Why are you doing this? Violet: Because you're worth a lot of money, Brett. (SIZZLING) Deputy Parrish: Sorry, I was just seeing if you guys were okay. You need a ride home? Lydia: Uh, no. We'll be fine. (DOOR CLOSES) (PANTING) (GRUNTS) (GASPS) (CHUCKLES) Violet: He said we shouldn't try. But now I've got you. I got an Alpha. (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (GASPS) Scott: I think you better call your Dad. Araya: The girl we hired to find Kate hasn't responded in days. You know her, don't you? Chris: Braeden. Araya: Well, maybe your sister got to her. Maybe killed her. Maybe we should stop hiring other people to do our work.Maybe we do it ourselves. (SIGHS) Araya: We're hunters, Christopher. All of us. We follow a code. Severo, what is our code? Severo: We hunt those who hunt us. Araya: Christopher? What is our code? (WHISPERS) Say it with me. We hunt those who hunt us. What is our code? Remind him, Severo. Severo: We hunt those who hunt us. Araya: Say it, Christopher. Say it for your wife, Victoria. For your daughter, Allison. Say the code. Speak the words. Say it! What is our code? Chris: We hunt those who hunt us.

Violet and Garrett kill another werewolf at the school, and then prepare to take down their next target during the first lacrosse scrimmage. Malia tries to help Lydia use her powers to find the next cipher key, but when Lydia is unsuccessful, they decide to contact Meredith Walker - another banshee from Eichen House. Derek reveals to Chris that he is losing his powers. Scott, Stiles and Kira spend the game attempting to keep Liam safe, assuming that he is the assassins' target; however, Brett, a player from Liam's old school, is revealed to be a werewolf, and turns out to be Violet and Garrett's target. With help from Meredith, Lydia is able to decipher the second code, using the codeword "AIDEN", and is shocked to discover that the deadpool includes Deputy Parrish. Violet uses Brett as bait and tries to take down Scott, but he effortlessly overpowers her.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x08

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x08_0

Scene: The apartment. Penny: So, Bernadette, how goes the hunt for bridesmaid dresses? Bernadette: Well, if you don't mind looking like an orange traffic cone, great. Amy: Girlfriends, I have the answer to our dress problems. Bernadette: Really? Amy: Twelve years ago, my cousin Irene and her entire family died in a horrific carbon monoxide accident the night before her wedding. Bernadette: That's horrible. Amy: Yes and no. All those bridesmaids dresses remain unused and available to us for free. So it seems that cloud of odourless deadly gas had a silver lining after all. Check it out, still in the bags. The gowns, not the bridesmaids. Bernadette: I don't know. Dead people's dresses? Penny: Yeah, and cap sleeves? U-u-uh. Amy: Uh, I was hoping you wouldn't notice. Irene was always a slave to a good bargain when it came to clothes, and sadly as it turned out, space heaters. Sheldon: Ladies, please. These four walls once housed an intellectual salon where the mind received nourishment as well as the stomach. But through no one's fault, Penny, the quality of dinner conversation in this apartment has declined. And again, I'm looking at no one in particular, Penny. Leonard: Fine. What would you like to talk about, Sheldon? Howard: What would you like to talk about, Sheldon? Why do you hate us? Sheldon: I've prepared a number of topics that should appeal to both the advanced and novice conversationalists. Penny: Okay, that time you looked at me. Amy: Who didn't? Your skin is like alabaster. Do you even have pores? Sheldon: Topic one. Faster-than-light particles at CERN, paradigm-shifting discovery or another Swiss export as full of holes as their cheese? And converse. Penny: All right, who wants to go to my apartment and look at bridal magazines? Bernadette: Oh, me. Penny: Through no one's fault, Sheldon, we're leaving. Amy: Wait for moi. Sheldon: You're leaving? Amy: Sheldon, sometimes you forget, I'm a lady. And with that comes an oestrogen fuelled need to page through thick glossy magazines that make me hate my body. Sheldon: Ah. New topic. Women, delightfully mysterious or bat-crap crazy? Raj: Totally. What's wrong with cap sleeves? If you have the right figure for it, they're adorable. Credits sequence. Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Hey, Amy, what brings you to our neck of the woods? Amy: Your neurology department loaned me a culture of prions for my research on bovine spongiform encephalopathy. Sheldon: She popped by to borrow a cup of mad cow disease. Amy: It's hard to make degenerative brain maladies hilarious, and yet somehow you do it. Howard: That's fun to have in a lunchroom. Amy: The real fun starts when you get to pick the rat you're going to feed it to, and maybe you choose the beady-eyed little mother who's been biting you all week. Howard: Please, we're eating. Can we get that off the table and change the subject? Sheldon: Can we? Stand back while I turn this conversation into a conver-sensation. Leonard: This time, it's your fault. Sheldon: I have 100 alphabetized topics from artichoke, come on, people, it's just a giant thistle, to zzz, the onamona-poetry of sleep. Leonard: Amy, how long would it take for that mad cow disease to kill me? Amy: I don't know, four or five years. Leonard: No, it's not gonna do it. Howard: Oy. Bernadette keeps texting me pictures of Penny in bridesmaid dresses. Amy: They're out shopping right now? Howard: Yeah. Amy: Just the two of them? Howard: I guess. Amy: That's cool, that's cool. Howard: Why are they asking me about this stuff? What guy knows what a sweetheart neckline is? (Raj raises his hand) Scene: The apartment. Leonard is horseracing on a Kinnect game. Leonard: Leonard's coming down the home stretch! Come on, horsey, you can do this! Damn. Come on, thigh muscles, you can do this! Yes! First place. I would have been a great jockey if I weren't too tall. And scared of horses. Sheldon, you're up. Sheldon: What? Leonard: Come on, it's your turn. We said we'd get more fresh air. Sheldon: Sorry. I'm a little distracted. I can't seem to get in touch with Amy. I tried e-mail, video chat, tweeting her, posting on her Facebook wall, texting her, nothing. Leonard: Did you try calling her on the telephone? Sheldon: The telephone. You know, Leonard, in your own simple way, you may be the wisest of us all. Voice mail. Curiouser and curiouser. Leonard: If you're worried, we can go over there and see if she's all right. Sheldon: Okay. You know, I heard in the news a bobcat has been spotted in her neighbourhood. Leonard: I don't think Amy was eaten by a bobcat. Sheldon: Who thinks Amy was eaten by a bobcat? Leonard: You do? Sheldon: Leonard, I was just mentioning an interesting local news item. Now, thanks to you, I'm worried Amy's been eaten by a bobcat. Leonard: Forget about the bobcat. Sheldon: How can I? You won't stop talking about it. Scene: Amy's apartment. Amy is playing the harp. Amy (singing): Everybody hurts, sometimes everybody cries. Everybody hurts, sometimes. Sheldon (outside): She sounds weepy. I don't like weepy. Let's go. Leonard: Uh, she's your friend. Step up. Leonard: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. Bye. Sheldon: Where are you going? Leonard: I'm single, I don't need this crap. Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing here? Sheldon: You didn't respond to any of my electronic communications. Amy: I wanted to be alone. Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it? And keep in mind that no is a perfectly viable answer. Amy: Sheldon, my world is crumbling around me. Sheldon: Point of order. As you're in distress, it would be customary for me to offer you a hot beverage. But I'm a guest in your home, so it would be customary for you to offer me a beverage. How do you want to proceed vis-a-vis beverages? Amy: It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Sheldon: If you'd like to take your mind off what's troubling you, uh, word on the street is a bobcat has been spotted. Amy: Penny and Bernadette went shopping for bridesmaids dresses without me. Sheldon: And that made you feel sad? Amy: Yes. Sheldon: I knew it. Just keep going, I guess I'm good at this. Amy: It's just, I thought they liked hanging out with me, but I guess I was fooling myself. Sheldon: When they were over here, did you fail to offer them a beverage? 'Cause I can see how that could stick in someone's craw. Amy: Sheldon, I'm going to ask you something, and I'd like you to keep an open mind. Sheldon: Always. Amy: At this moment, I find myself craving human intimacy and physical contact. Sheldon: Oh, boy. You know ours is a relationship of the mind. Amy: Proposal. One wild night of torrid lovemaking that soothes my soul and inflames my loins. Sheldon: Counterproposal. I will gently stroke your head and repeat, aw, who's a good Amy. Amy: How about this? French kissing, seven minutes in heaven culminating in second base. Sheldon: Neck massage, then you get me that beverage. Amy: We cuddle. Final offer. Sheldon: Very well. Oh, boy. (They cuddle, awkwardly.) Amy: I'm just saying, second base is right there. Scene: The cafeteria. Raj: Mm, I'm thinking about adopting some quirky affectation, like a pipe or a monocle or a handlebar moustache. Leonard: For all those girls out there looking for the Indian Monopoly man? Raj: This is not a safe place. You can't share anything here. Sheldon: The two of you need to get your women in line! Howard: What? Sheldon: Last night I was strong-armed into an evening of harp music and spooning with an emotional Amy Farrah Fowler. This on a night that I had originally designated for solving the space-time geometry in higher-spin gravity and building my Lego Death Star. And why? Your gal pals, Penny and Bernadette, went out shopping for some wedding nonsense without Amy, an action they took with no thought or regard as to how it would affect me, the future of string theory or my Lego fun time. Howard: What do you want us to do about it? Sheldon: You clearly weren't listening to my topic sentence, get your women in line! You make them apologize to Amy and set things right. I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle bunny! Leonard: Why do I have to talk to Penny? She's not my girlfriend. Sheldon: You invited her to lunch four years ago. Everything about her is on you, you make it so! Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Moo-shu is Penny. Penny: Thank you. Where's Sheldon? Leonard: Oh, he was up late last night, so I gave him an early dinner and put him to bed. Bernadette: That's so sweet. Leonard: Yeah, but now he's gonna be up at dawn and want to play. Howard: So, listen, guys, the reason he was up late is because he was taking care of Amy. She's kind of upset. Penny: Why? Leonard: Her feelings got hurt because you guys went dress shopping without her. Bernadette: I told you that would happen. Penny: Okay, look, this is her first time being a bridesmaid and she's just getting a little crazy with it. Bernadette: She keeps on telling us stories about bridesmaid traditions in other cultures, and they're all about getting naked and washing each other. Penny: Yeah, and she keeps trying to figure out if our cycles have synced up so we can call ourselves the Three Menstra-teers Bernadette: We thought it would be easier to look at dresses one time without her. I feel terrible. Penny: I know. Me, too. We'll talk to her. Hey, wait, how did she find out? Howard: Raj did it. And he says he would do it again. Okay, I'm sorry. You sent me the picture, I wasn't thinking. Bernadette: Oh, Howie. Howard: Well, hey, I'm usually pretty good at not blabbing. You tell me tons of stuff about these guys, and I never repeat it. Penny: What do you tell him? Bernadette: Oh, you know, just pillow talk. You guys have nothing to worry about. Leonard: Hold on, did you talk about us when we were dating? Penny: No. All your little secrets are fine. Bernadette: Yes, absolutely fine. Howard (after Raj whispers to him): I'll tell you later. Scene: Amy's lab. Amy is dissecting a brain. Amy: Come on, tumour. Come on, tumour, Mama needs an aggressive little glioblastoma. Yay, brain tumour! Probably not the same reaction you had when you got the news. Penny: Hi. Bernadette: Hello. Amy: What are you doing here? Penny: Well, look, we just wanted to apologize for not bringing you with us the other day. Amy: That's not necessary, it's like Sesame Street says, one of these things is not like the other, one of these things should die alone. Penny: Look, come on, Amy, look, let us make it up to you. We'll have a girl's night, we'll do whatever you want. Bernadette: We can go down to the Korean baths and do that thing you were talking about where we wash each other. Penny: With-with loofah mitts, no hands. Amy: It's okay. I'm glad this happened. I can stop pretending that some beautiful girl and her cute-in- the-right-light friend want to hang out with me. Bernadette: Amy, we're really sorry. Penny: Yeah, we feel awful. Amy: Don't. I'll be okay. You're not the first girls I thought were friends with me who ended up shunning me. It's like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school, and that semester abroad in Norway all over again. Penny: Oh, come on, Amy. Amy: You don't get it. Look at this brain. Penny: I don't really want to. Amy: This is us. Bernadette, you are the analytical, scientific left hemisphere. Penny, you're the creative, spontaneous right hemisphere. And where's Amy? She's right here, the sad little tumour no one wants to go dress shopping with. Bernadette: Amy, you're not a tumour. Penny, tell her she's not a tumour. (Penny is vomiting in the dustbin). [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment, Sheldon is building his Lego Death Star. Phone rings. Sheldon: Did you know that when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he proposed answering it with ahoy? Ahoy. I like it. Amy? Is that you? Have you been drinking? I'm sorry, I bet my sweet what? Well, all right. We're on our way. Leonard: What's going on? Sheldon: It would seem Amy is drunk in a liquor store parking lot. Leonard: Really? Amy? Sheldon: Leonard, be glad you can't keep a woman. They are a handful. Scene: A liquor store parking lot. Amy: Oh, look. It's Sheldon and little Leonard. Hi, little Leonard. Leonard: Hi, Amy. Amy: Hey, Cuddles. Leonard: Cuddles? Sheldon: Yes, Cuddles. We cuddled. Grow up, Leonard. Leonard: Amy, what are you doing here? Amy: Well, I came here to get a bottle of wine like Penny taught me to do when you're sad. Leonard: Yeah, but why didn't you go back to your apartment? Amy: Didn't you go to high school, Leonard? Parking lots are where all the cool kids hang out. Not that the rat bastards ever invited me. Leonard: Maybe we should get you home. Amy: Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. Sheldon, what would it take for you to go into that liquor store, buy a bottle of hooch, take me across the street to that motel, and have your way with me? Leonard: Yeah, Sheldon, what would it take? Sheldon: I'm begging both of you, please, let's go. Leonard: Okay. Come on. Upsy-daisy. Amy: Whee! Ooh, finally someone found second base. Scene: Amy's lab. She is dissecting a brain. Amy: I know how you feel. I got a knife slicing through my frontal lobe, too. Penny: Hi. Amy: What do you want? Do you want me to give the friendship bracelet back? Penny: I never gave you a friendship bracelet. Amy: When we first met, I made one and pretended you gave it to me. You can have it back if you want. Penny: No, you made that for you, I want you to have it. Bernadette: We know you're upset, and you have every right to be, but if it's okay with you, we'd like a second chance to make things right. Penny: We are really sorry, and we were trying to think of some way to show you how much we care about you. Bernadette: Which is why it would mean so much if you would agree to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Amy: What? Wait, is this some kind of practical joke? Like in Norway, when my friends trapped me in a sauna with a horny otter? Bernadette: No. I, I want you to be the maid of honour. Amy: Oh, my gosh. No one's every asked me to be the maid of honour before. Well, that's not true. Once, but then they all died. Bernadette: So is that a yes? Amy: Yes. Yes. Oh, my gosh, I, I have so much to do. There's the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. What should we do for the bachelorette party? Oh, I know, we'll go to a Native American sweat lodge, we'll take peyote, roll around in the mud, and paint fertility symbols on Bernadette's naked body. So that's happening. Penny: Yeah, sure, sure. Vegas is fun, too. Amy: I feel like crying. Of course, I could just be hormonal. Oh, wait. Maybe our menses are finally syncing up. Bernadette? No? Penny? Penny: Sorry. Amy: Really? Penny: Okay, yeah. Amy: Yay! Scene: A bridal store. Amy: Maid of honour Amy Farrah Fowler's amazing behind-the-scenes wedding video, take one. Bernadette: We're just trying on dresses, do we really need to record this? Amy: I'm sorry, are you the maid of honour? Bernadette: I am the bride. Amy: So no. And action. Penny (in a red bridesmaid dress): What do you think? Bernadette: I love it! Amy: What are you, a nun? Come on, bestie, let's see some skin. Cut to Amy in a lilac dress. Bernadette: Oh, Amy! Looking sexy! Amy: You think they don't have mirrors in there? I know how I look. Cut to Bernadette in a wedding dress. Penny: Oh! Bernadette, you look beautiful! Amy: You do. Bernadette: Thank you. Amy: Not Penny beautiful, but beautiful. Cut to changing room door. Amy: Come on, bestie, you're up. Penny (off): Give me a minute. Amy: What is taking you so long? (Opens door. Penny is in her underwear) Penny: Oh, Amy! Get the hell out of here! Amy: - Sorry, sorry. (Swings camera away. Then back again) Penny: Oh, God. Amy! Amy: Sorry.

Amy becomes extremely upset when Penny and Bernadette go shopping for bridesmaid dresses without her and cuts all contact with everyone, including Sheldon. A worried Sheldon goes over to her apartment, where he ends up cuddling her after rejecting her suggestion to have sex. This step further into their relationship makes him uncomfortable, so the following morning, he demands Leonard and Howard to force Penny and Bernadette to apologize to Amy, as he is not her 'snuggle bunny'. When they confront Penny and Bernadette over Amy, they reveal that they did not take Amy because she was very over-enthusiastic about being a bridesmaid and would have been a hindrance to their dress shopping, but feel guilty when they find out that she became really upset over the snub. They go to her neurobiology laboratory to apologize, but she brushes off their apologies, telling that she is used to being shunned by people whom she considers as friends. Later that evening, Amy calls Sheldon and tells him that she is drunk in a liquor store parking lot, prompting him and Leonard to immediately rush there and take her home. The next morning, Penny and Bernadette again try to apologize to Amy. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Bernadette decides to end their standoff once and for all by asking Amy to be her maid of honor at her wedding. She immediately becomes excited at this and forgives them. The episode ends with Amy filming a dress shopping trip with Penny and Bernadette.

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ZBZ HOUSE - Dining room Ashleigh : Yeah. You're ahead. I count two more pink than white. Casey : Which means our preliminary polls put me two measly votes ahead of Frannie. Ashleigh : I can't believe there's even a chance she could be ZBZ president again. Casey : I know, right? It's like nobody remembers that she was removed from office last semester. Ashleigh : That was just last semester? It feels like forever ago. Betsy : That was Jessica S. She's going with Frannie. Casey : Of course she is. She still thinks I stole her toothbrush. As if there's no Colgate makes more than one of the same stupid color. Ashleigh : Forget about Jessica S... and Jessica P. We have Jessica M. and Jessica R. still undecided. Casey : Half the house is still undecided. And she's a senior, AKA one of Frannie's pledge sisters. Ashleigh : You have most of the juniors. Casey : How many sophomores do we have? Betsy : Seven firm, eight maybe. Casey : Then there's the pledges. Who will probably follow whoever Rebecca chooses to back. Ashleigh : Our very own super dele... pledge. Casey : Which is why I want her to nominate me at tonight's meeting. Ashleigh : You think she'll do it? Casey : She owes me one. But who knows? Rebecca is one tough nut to crack. Ashleigh : Yeah, she's like one of those pistachios with no opening. Casey : I hate those. Betsy : So do I. Casey : I just have to break her before Frannie does. Speak of the nutcracker. Ashleigh : Frannie's calling me, too. Betsy : And me. Frannie : It's up to each of you to decide the fate of ZBZ on election night. Who would you rather have leading the house, a sister with a proven track record like myself, or a sister with Lizzi on speed dial? Vote Frannie for ZBZ president! Casey : Uh, did Robo-Frannie seriously just drop a Lizzi bomb? KT HOUSE - Living room Cappie : What's the problem, little buddy? Is is a rainy day or Monday? Those always get me down. Rusty : I'm fine. Cappie : I need to get back to this boss. For some reason I can't beat him. Rusty : It's just... I was reading through my journal last night... Cappie : You mean your diary? Rusty : No. Journal. And I realized this year's almost over and I only dated one girl. Cappie : And you see no obvious connection between this fact and the diary? Rusty : Journal. Cappie : Right. Well, you dated that... Jacqueline. Rusty : Jen K. Cappie : Right. What about Crabs Girl? Rusty : Hardly dated. Cappie : You went to the ZBZ formal last week. Rusty : Yeah, with my sister's best friend, as "friends." I just... I want to find someone to get excited about, you know? Cappie : You sure it's not a diary? Rusty : You're not doing much better. You only dated Rebecca this year. Cappie : Buck up, Bridget Jones. We just need to get back out there, cast a wider net. A date dash for the Tri-Pis, perhaps? Get those girls in your house, it's not a question of if, but when. Rusty : I got a better idea. Meet me at 4:00 at Dobler's. Cappie : Intriguing and done. Oh, wait, Rus, hey. By the way... Sorry about all the diary crap. You know, strictly between us, I've got one, too. Rusty : Really? Cappie : God, no. I'll see you at 4:00. Credits MICHAEL'S HOME - Living room Michael : She's about to sing "Anything Goes". You're gonna miss it. Calvin : I don't think "miss" is the word I would use when "An Evening With Patti LuPone" is involved. Michael : I believe you owe me. I did watch the Ducks game with you last week. Calvin : When you agreed to it you thought I meant "The Mighty Ducks" movie. Michael : I'm an Estevez completist. And technically, it is still sports. Calvin : I just want to read my book, OK? Michael : What's going on? Calvin : Nothing. I just have a lot of studying to do. So, you know, I... I think I'm gonna go. Michael : Cal, we can watch something else. It's not a big deal. Calvin : It's OK. I, um... I'll call you tomorrow, OK? ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Casey : Hey, Little Sis, off to class? Rebecca : No, skydiving, actually. This is my parachute. Casey : That's so funny. Anyway, I was wondering, can I count on your support for ZBZ president? Rebecca : Casey, I'm sure you realize the success of the democratic process relies on the guarantee of privacy with one's vote. Casey : Of course. I also know that the only reason you have a voten is due to me standing up to Tegan on your behalf. Rebecca : Which I will definitely keep in mind on election day. Casey : I'm just curious, is there anything else we can put in your mind to help with your decision? Rebecca : I'll think about it while I'm at lunch with Frannie. Casey : You know, if I'm elected, Ashleigh and I were planning on moving into the... presidential suite and you had your eye on our room. Rebecca : I do like your room. Casey : It's a double. I can't promise. Rebecca : It's a double because of that other bed in there. If that bed were to disappear, though... Casey : Tell you what, I'll start looking into a way to tweak the floor plans after you nominate me at tonight's meeting. Frannie : Hey, Rebecca, just FYI, our mani-pedi rezies are at 12:30. They were totally booked, but I pulled some strings. Rebecca : I'm so sorry, Frannie, but I just realized that my nails look awesome. Thanks, though. Casey : How strange, turning you down at the last minute like that. Frannie : It's far from the last minute. DOBLER'S Cappie : Speed dating at Dobler's? This is your better idea? Rusty : The fliers are all over campus. You meet 20 girls in an hour. If you hit if off with one, you get to go out on a real date. Cappie : I've heard of this before. I believe we call them parties. Rusty : No, this is different. This is a group of college students who are all looking for the same thing. Cappie : A life? Rusty : A relationship. Something real. Something like I had with Jen K. Cappie : This whole thing reeks of desperation if you ask me. No offense. Rusty : Non taken. But you should know this event's sponsored by the women's volleyball team. Cappie : The volleyball team? Tall blondes with stamina? Hello. Woman : Sign in here, please, and that will be $10 each. Cappie : Sorry. I've got a policy. It's more of a code, really. I don't pay for things that I can get for free. Water, valet parking, Internet p0rn... I can meet any of these girls on campus at any time. Woman : That's great, Fonzie, but they charge us to rent the space. Rusty : OK, you know what, I'll pay for both of us. Cappie : Thanks, buddy. You know I can't break that code. Woman : You get 2 minutes with each girl, so make it count. Check off the girls you liked and if there's mutual interest, at the end of the session we exchange numbers for you. Pretty simple, right? Cappie : Will you be participating? 'Cause I would love to check you off. Rusty : So, what's your major? Cappie : So, what's your favorite position? Rusty : I'm a polymer science major. Cappie : I meant on the volleyball team. Where's your mind, you dirty girl! Rusty : What's polymer science? It's actually pretty fascinating. How much time do we have let? Cappie : No, you keep talking. I want to know all about you. Rusty : I'm in a frat, but we prefer "fraternity," actually. Would you call your country a... Cappie : Come on, of course I'm voting for you! In fact, let's just cut out the middleman here, pretend we're human beings, capable of making a love connection and I'll see if I ask you for your number. Rusty : We should vote for each other, you know. How can you really get to know somebody in two minutes? You'll see. I'm really kind of adorable. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room Frannie : Casey must have offered up something huge for Rebecca to blow me off like that. Evan : So, you counter with a better offer. Frannie : And what exactly do you offer a sorority sister who has access to her own G-5? Certainly not chocolates. And honestly, I'm sick of kissing her ass. Evan : Just try another approach. You know, whenever my father deals with recalcitrant board members, sometimes bad news is just as effective as good news to shake things up. So, if telling her something she does want to hear isn't working, just tell her something she doesn't want to hear. Ext. CRU Rusty : How many numbers did you get? Cappie : Looks like ten. Rusty : Ten? Really? How many boxes did you check? Cappie : All of them. Rusty : All 20? Cappie : I took her advice. I voted liberally. Casey : Casey Cartwright for president. Rusty : Oh, out on the campaign trail? Casey : And on our way to lunch. Cappie : So, what's your stance on the war in Iraq and your plan to correct the collapsing housing market? Casey : Nice shirt. Max : Hey, have you been to Jamaica? Cappie : No. Why? Max : I don't know. I thought that your... I'd think that... Uh, never mind. Rusty : We just went speed dating and I got two numbers. Casey : You guys were speed dating. Cappie : I don't really need to go speed dating. I just went for moral support. Rusty : Cap went ten for 20. I went two for four. Max : So, that's 50 percent each. So, it seems that you guys both had the same level of success, statistically speaking. Rusty : I know. Isn't that cool? Cappie : Well, no, I don't speak statistically. I got eight more potential dates, so how is that the same? Casey : Hey, you know what? Just good luck with your dates. And try not to bak the speed limit. Rusty : Thanks, Case. Good luck with your election. Try not to... Lose. Do you have any more buttons? I'll pass them around. Max : And, uh, try to keep the odds up. Cappie : OK. Max : It's good seeing you. Cappie : What a douche. ZBZ HOUSE - Metting room Casey : What happens tonight and at Thursday night's elections will shape the next year of our lives here at ZBZ. It's more than just a popularity contest or who loaned you their Gucci bag last week. Frannie : It should also be noted that campaigning is forbidden during the nomination meeting. Casey : Duly noted. Thank you, Frannie. Oh, and thanks... so much for that personal phone message this morning. It made each of us feel so special. So, let's begin our first round of nominations. ZBZ president? Rebecca. Would you make the first nomination? Rebecca : With pleasure. I'd like to nominate... Frannie Morgan. Casey : Oh, thank you so much for that. Rebecca has nominated me. Any other nominations? Rebecca : Actually, I said Frannie. Frannie : Yeah, I think she said me. Rebecca : Rebecca has nominated Frannie. Casey : Brenda, you had your hand raised. Brenda : Uh, actually, I was also gonna nominate Frannie. Casey : Would anyone else like to make a nomination? Anyone? Ashleigh : Casey Cartwright. Casey : Anyone else? All right, then. No, no? OK. Let's move on to social chair. A few minutes later... Casey : I thought we had a deal. Rebecca : We did. I found out about you and Cappie at Myrtle Beach. Casey : What about me and Cappie at Myrtle{Beach}? Rebecca : You two hooking up. Casey : What do you mean by hooking up? Rebecca : Stop playing dumber than usual. You two had s*x. I know. Casey : Wait. That is so not true. Who told you that? Was it Frannie? Rebecca : It's all over the house! Casey : OK, come on, Rebecca, this just comes out the day before the election? I've been swiftboated. Rebecca : I saw you two on the beach, building sandcastles together. Casey : Yeah. As friends. Rebecca : So, you're saying you didn't hook up with Cappie over Spring Break? Casey : I did not have s*x with that man. KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : What's up, Cappie? Cappie : How'd your date go last night? Rusty : She had eight piercings... below the neck. Cappie : You counted them? I mean, where were they? I'm partly grossed out, but just curious enough to require a visual. Rusty : I didn't see any. She just told me about them. She also said she hates dogs, she hopes to marry rich one day, then she said something else I won't even repeat because I think it's kind of fascist. Cappie : Next. Rusty : Yeah, it was doomed from the start. There weren't any sparks, not like there were with Jen K. Cappie : You're still into that girl? Rusty : She's the bar. Everything about her was perfect. Except that whole article thing. How'd your date go? Cappie : Well... Which one? Rusty : You had more than one? Cappie : Is there some rule I'm not aware of limiting the number of dates allowed in a single evening? I had a coffee date, a dinner date, a drinks date, and then a booty call date with the coffee date. Rusty : You went out with three girls last night? Cappie : They didn't all sleep over. I do have boundaries. And a realistic sense of my own libido after two pitchers. Rusty : I guess I'm just looking for something more than meaningless s*x. Cappie : Why do you assume it was meaningless? It always means something to me. Rusty : OK. OK, fine. But I'm looking for something... more. Cappie : College is all about hook-ups and having tons of meaningful s*x. You can settle down when you're 40, drive a Porsche, and have hair in the most unseemly place but for now, carpe diem, Spitter. Ext. CRU Evan : What's the score? Calvin : Seven-six. You. Evan : Easy there, tiger. That's like the third time you tried to throw this basketball through me. Calvin : Sorry. Evan : Did I do something to piss you off? Calvin : You know, when Frannie was out of town, I cheated on Michael because of you. Evan : Have your parents ever talked to you about peer pressure? Calvin : You made it seem like everybody cheats. That it's OK as long as nobody finds out. Evan : So you're mad at me because you cheated? Calvin : I'm just pissed because I did it. And because I'm keeping it from Michael. And because he and I are so different, you know. And because... I don't know what I want. Evan : Listen, maybe you should just tell him. Look, I mean, I speak from experience that when the other person finds out, deciding what you want becomes a non-issue. But either way the ball's in your court. ZBZ HOUSE - Kitchen Casey : What flavor's that, Lemon Liar or Mint Chocolate Bitch? Frannie : I's raspberry sorbet, actually. Casey : Want a bite? I know it was you who started the rumor about Cappie and me. Not cool, Frannie. You're messing with people's lives and real emotions here. Rebecca is really hurt. Frannie : Oh, look at you. Suddenly so worried about poor, fragile Rebecca. Casey : You lied, which doesn't surprise me but it still annoys me. Politics is perception, poodle. And the truth is irrelevant. What the majority believes, that's what matters. Ashleigh : Oh, am I interrupting? Frannie : Not at all. I was just leaving. Ashleigh : OK, the house is alive with the sound of gossip. Please tell me you're not carrying Cappie's love child. I thought you two just kissed. Casey : We did just kiss. One tiny, miniscule little kiss! Frannie made up the s*x rumor, knowing Rebecca would hate me for it and get the pledges to hate me, too. Ashleigh : Did you tell Rebecca the truth, that it was just a kiss? Casey : I can't! The damage is done. By the time Rebecca cools down to understand what really happened, the elections will be over. Ashleigh : So, what do we do? Casey : Find some dirt on Frannie, add water and sling mud right back. EXT. CRU Calvin : I cheated on you. Michael : No, Mom, that was nothing. I'm gonna call you back, OK? Calvin : I'm... I'm sorry. Michael : So, you hooked up with someone else? Calvin : You remember Heath from the bar? We used to sort of... date. Michael : Is it still going on? Calvin : No. Michael : Well, I guess we never talked specifically about exclusivity in our relationship. Calvin : You're taking this a little better than I imagined. Michael : Why? Do you want to break up? Calvin : I mean, don't you? Michael : I've had a lot worse happen to me in relationships. But listen, we don't have to figure this out right here, right now. I have to call my mom back. Let's just take some time and think and we'll talk more tomorrow night at my place. Calvin : Yeah, sure. OK. ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Casey : L.C. to Audrina, come in. Ashleigh : Next time I get to be L.C. ZBZ HOUSE - Frannie's room Casey : Fine, Audrina. Do we have a visual on Fran... I mean, Heidi? ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Ashleigh : Heidi's in the common room painting her nails with Brandi. Who we didn't give a code name to.How about Whitney? ZBZ HOUSE - Frannie's room Casey : Forget the code names. I'm going in. Ashleigh : Are you in? Have you found anything yet? Casey : Checking the closet. She has more shoes th an Sarah Jessica Parker. Hello. What do we have here? Are you shoe shopping? I found a box of protein bars that went missing last week. The sorority paid for them! ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Ashleigh : Jackpot! ZBZ HOUSE - Frannie's room Casey : Not enough. Even you and I have five boxes of Pop-Tarts stashed in our room. At least Frannie's being healthy. ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Ashleigh : Have you seen the sugar count on those bars? Not so healthy. They're removing the cotton balls. They're removing the cotton balls! ZBZ HOUSE - Frannie's room Casey : We need something else, something more. Ashleigh : I wish I was up there with you. This is like watching paint dry. In fact, it is watching paint dry. ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Ashleigh : Hurry up. I'm getting nervous and when I get nervous I have to pee. And I refuse to pull a Betsy and go in the bushes! ZBZ HOUSE - Frannie's room Casey : I just need one more minute. ZBZ HOUSE - Garden Ashleigh : You don't have one. They only did one coat! Casey! I mean, L.C. or whatever! They're coming up the stairs. Abort mission, abort mission! EXT. CRU - Restaurant Rusty : That was my first time speed dating, too. I was pretty nervous about it. Girl : All my friends are so outgoing, they do all the talking and I have a hard time meeting guys. I can be a little shy at first. Rusty : You know, shy is good. I mean, I like shy. Girl : I mean, I'm not really a body shot, dancing on the bar, wet t-shirt kind of girl. Rusty : Body shots are overrated. I mean, they're unsanitary. Girl : Really. Jen K. : Can I take your order? Rusty : Jen? Jen K. : I'm sorry. A few minutes later ... Rusty : I got it. So, do you do this all the time or just when you see me? Jen K. : Just you. Rusty : Maybe you can aim for somewhere less embarrassing next time, like my shoes. Jen K. : I'll try, I promise. Oh, geez, you're on a date. Rusty : First date. Jen K. : Is it going well? Rusty : It was. Jen K. : I'm so sorry. Rusty : So, what about you? You still seeing that guy? Jen K. : Who? Oh, no, we broke up a while ago. I mean, I broke up with him. Rusty : That's too bad. Jen K. : Yeah. Whatever. Rusty : Well, I should get back. Well... I'll see you around sometime. Jen K. : Probably in a few minutes when I come take your order. Rusty : Great. See you then. Sorry about that. Jen K. : Here you go. Girl : Do you guys know each other? Rusty : We... We used to date. Jen K. : Yeah, but he broke up with me. I mean, what I'm trying to say is, that he's a great guy. You're in good hands. [SCENE_BREAK] ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Ashleigh : Where do the lies end? How well do you know Frannie Morgan? Casey : Who is Frannie Morgan? You have a right to know the truth. She was never captain of the cheerleading squad. She was in band. First chair clarinet. ZBZ girl 1 : I played the violin. ZBZ girl 2 : I played Maria in "West Side Story". Casey : Yes, which is fine. And pretty cool in retrospect. But it's not that she was in band. It's she lied to all of us about it. Oh, and remember how she said she was Miss Teen Indiana? Miss Turnip. Runner up. Ashleigh : Where do the lies end? How well do you know Frannie Morgan? Frannie : Trying to win some more girls by offering up your old room? Casey : Not exactly. Frannie : Where did you get this? Casey : Running for office can dig up dirty secrets. And politics is perception. Right, poodle? Want a bite? KT HOUSE - Garden Rusty : I ran into Jen K. last night at the Espresso Farm. Calvin : Really? Was she undercover, writing an expose on expensive cafes? Rusty : No, but she did ruin my date. Calvin : And that's good? Rusty : Yeah. It made me realize the girl I was with wasn't right for me. There weren't any sparks so I just have to keep looking. Calvin : For someone like Jen K? Rusty : For someone that makes me feel all tingly inside like she does. Did. Calvin : Why don't you just ask Jen K out again since you're obviously not over her? Rusty : You really think I should? Calvin : I don't know. I've been sort of thinking about the past lately, too. Rusty : I wish someone would just tell me what I want. Calvin : I know what you mean. How about I tell you if you should ask Jen K out again and you tell me if I should break up with Michael. Rusty : You're breaking up with Michael? Calvin : I don't know. You tell me. Rusty : What? Cappie : Beer pong. Great. This is... Clear beer? Rusty : It's water, Cap. It's only 11 a.m. Calvin : Yeah, we're just practicing. Heath : Beer pong. Very nice. Cappie : Don't be fooled, Heath. There is no beer here. Heath : What are they playing with? Cappie : You don't want to know. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Frannie : This next song holds a very special place in my heart. It definitely got me through some rough times. ZBZ Girl 1 : You're amazing, Frannie. Frannie : Thank you. But before I play again, I... want to welcome any questions that you may have for me. I'm used to dealing with bullies, although I thought I left them all back in high school. ZBZ Girl 2 : My question is very personal. How do you do it? How do you... How do you stay so upbeat and wonderful? It's not easy. But I have help. I have all of you. Casey : Oh, please. Rebecca : You missed a real Kumbaya moment. Apparently, when her parents got divorced all she had to console her was that stupid clarinet. Casey : They divorced when she was three, and that sounds suspiciously like a Lifetime movie she and I watched last year. You're not really buying this, are you? Rebecca : No. But Frannie didn't sleep with my boyfriend. Casey : We didn't have s*x. We just kissed. Rebecca : And that's supposed to swing me to vote for you? Casey : It's the truth. Technically, you'd just broken up with Cappie. Regardless, it was just a moment and it hasn't happened since. And I'm sorry. That's the truth, too. Rebecca : You must be the world's worst politician. Casey : Maybe that's a reason to trust me. CRU - Max's room Casey : So, let me get this straight. The stickers on the ceiling are actual constellations? Max : Yeah, it's what would be directly above us if there was no ceiling. Casey : I just thought they were pretty. Max : They are pretty. And accurate. Your wheels are spinning. Casey : It's this election. It's gonna be my senior year and my last chance to make a diference in the house. And the polls are saying Frannie won back a lot of votes after her little concert. Max : You guys have polls? Casey : Ashleigh. It's crazy. They don't even care that she lied about her past. Max : Is that crazy? I mean, I lie about embarrassing things from high school all the time. Casey : Oh, yeah? Such as...? Max : If you asked me what I did on my hour lunch break, there is no way I would ever tell you the truth. Casey : Let me guess. In the computer lab playing World of Warcraft. Max : Lucky guess. How... Wait. How did you... Casey : Two years carpooling with Rusty. He was a Rogue named Yarbinger. Max : Yarbinger? I did battle with Yarbinger. Probably something I should have lied about. Nice. Casey : No, no, you're right. I knew it wasn't gonna blow any minds that Frannie lied. But it was all I had. And now she's played the sympathy card, just like she played the redemption card at the convention. She got on Tegan's good side by ratting out Rebecca... Oh, my god. She ratted out Rebecca. Max : That bitch? Casey : I love it when you pretend to be catty. I have to go. I have a speech to edit. Max : See ya. EXT. CRU - Restaurant Jen K. : Dale got wasted? Your roommate who hated me from the moment he met me? Rusty : Yeah, but he doesn't know yet, so don't tell him. Jen K. : Do you remember my crazy roommate? Rusty : The agoraphobe? Jen K. : She finally moved. Dropped out of school and everything. But when her parents came to move her out she was totally fine. It was so weird. Rusty : I told you she was lying. Jen K. : Hey, so, how's Casey? Rusty : She's fine. Yeah, everyone's fine. Jen K. : Great. Rusty : Do you remember Vesuvius? Jen K. : Of course. Rusty : Gone. Got trashed at a wild party. Nothing but scraps now. It was a great party, though. Jen K. : I'm... I'm glad you called. Rusty : Same here. I've been thinking about you lately. Jen K. : Oh, yeah? Rusty : Yeah. I, um... Remembering stuff, like walking to class together. Like falling asleep in the dorm room together. And our first kiss. Jen K. : That was nice. Rusty : Yep. Jen K. : I'm glad you called. Rusty : You said that already. MICHAEL' S HOME - Living room Michael : Great timing. The food just got here. Calvin : The place looks really great. Michael : I thought Moroccan food would be a nice change. There's a great place across campus. I promise you are going to love it. Here, let me take that. Calvin : You know, maybe we should go out. Michael : Just wait until you try the roasted lamb. Calvin : Yeah, I don't want the roasted lamb. I don't want Moroccan food. Michael : OK. What do you want, Calvin? Calvin : I just think that we should break up. I like you, Michael, I really do, I just... I think we're too different, you know. I mean, look. This isn't me. I like hamburgers and hockey and you like... you like Moroccan food and Broadway divas. Michael : How can you know who you are? You're 18. Calvin : Yeah, I know. You're seven years older and wiser than me, which seems to be an unavoidable theme between us. Michael : It is unavoidable. This is your first serious relationship. You have no frame of reference. I'm telling you this is normal. Calvin : Yeah, but I gotta do what feels right. That's what makes this such a tough decision. I'm sorry. Michael : I think you're making a mistake. ZBZ HOUSE - Meeting room Frannie : During my tenure as president, we were, without question, the strongest sorority on campus. With me back in office, we will carry on our legacy. We will party with the Omega Chis, and partner with them for every major event, like Rush Preferentials, Greek Week and Homecoming. With someone else in office, personal issues could get in the way, keeping apart the two most popular houses on campus. And let's be honest. That not only affects us, it affects the future of ZBZ. I don't know about you, but in ten years when I come back to visit, I hope to find Zeta Beta Zeta is still the best house on campus. Vote for Frannie and vote for the future. And I almost forgot. I won't raise dues. Casey : There is no pledge ZBZ, sophomore ZBZ or senior ZBZ. There is only Zeta Beta Zeta and that's whose interests I want to represent. I have learned a lot as interim president. And I'm still learning every day. The difference between me and my opponent is that I learn from my mistakes and try to do better, while she just keeps pulling from the same bag of tricks. And is that what we want? More of the same? A president who was removed from office and has not learned a thing? Are you willing to risk going down that same road all over again? I can't promise to be flawless. But I can promise that I will be looking out for all of your interests, not my own. A vote for me is a vote for all of us. And I almost forgot. I won't rat out one of my sisters just to curry favor with Nationals, like Frannie did to Rebecca during Greek Week. Ashleigh : Stop! Stop! Can we please stop fighting! And tearing at each other and try to pull together! For the house. For our sisters. ZBZ Girl : Ballots are due in one hour. Don't forget, every vote counts. A few minutes later... ZBZ Girl : And now, the final two offices, as tabulated by ZBZ's own accounting major, who will be interning this summer at Pricewaterhouse Coopers, and who ensures the accuracy of tonight's votes. Ivy. Our new social chair... is Betsy. Betsy : I'm social chair! ZBZ Girl : And finally, ZBZ president is... by one vote... Ashleigh. Ashleigh & Casey : What? ZBZ Girl : Ashleigh won. Ashleigh : What? Casey : You... won. Ashleigh : What? Casey : How's that possible? You weren't even in the running. Rebecca : Third party write-in. Some of the sisters and I decided we're in need of a fresh perspective. Ashleigh : I had nothing to do with this, I swear! CRU - Jen K.'s room Rusty : You framed it. Jen K. : Sorry. I thought that we were past that. That's why you called, right? Rusty : Yeah. Sure. It's been six months. Don't you miss it, though? Jen K. : What, the Greek system? Not really. To be honest, I'm kind of surprised you stuck with it. Rusty : Why is that? Jen K. : I just never really thought those people or that world were really you. You know, even when I was writing the article, I think I gravitated to you because we were both kind of the outsiders. Rusty : Well, maybe you don't know me as well as you think. Jen K. : Maybe I don't. Rusty : Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Jen K. : Maybe it wasn't. Rusty : I should probably just... I'm gonna go now. Jen K. : Rusty. Don't call me. EXT. CRU - Street Frannie : I can't believe I lost. It was so close, almost a three-way tie. Evan : Obviously you have a lot of the girls behind you. Frannie : Or had. Now we have to get behind Ashleigh? Yeah. Evan : Screw that. Listen, you may not be president, but... that doesn't mean you can't lead the house. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Rebecca : Knock, knock. Casey : Go away, Rebecca. Rebecca : For what it's worth, which I'm sure isn't a lot, I'm sorry, Case. It wasn't personal. It was politics. Casey : I had great ideas for this house. Rebecca : Did you? Because I didn't hear any. All you talked about was turnips and clarinets. You played the politics perfectly. But great politicians are supposed to inspire people, not just be better than the alternative. Congrats, Ash. Ashleigh : Are you OK? Casey : I'm fine. Congratulations. KT HOUSE - Roof Rusty : You know, when I was with Jen K, I was convinced she was it. The one, or whatever. And ever since her I've compared every girl to the great Jen K. I've put her up on this pedestal. But even now I realize that even Jen K isn't really Jen K. Cappie : I had the exact same thing happen to me with The Goonies. They were in my top five all time, and then Beaver rented it last week. Man, did those kids chew the scenery. Rusty : I made a mistake by going back to her, but I guess I... I guess I'm glad I did. Cappie : Because now you know. She was your first, but she isn't the one. Calvin : I just broke up with Michael. Rusty : Really? Are you OK? Calvin : I think so. I mean, on one hand I feel relieved, you know. And on the other hand, I... can't help thinking that maybe I just broke up with my soul mate. What if one day I actually like Patti LuPone? Cappie : OK, well, first of all, who doesn't like Patti? Have you seen her in Gypsy? Second of all, you can always go back to your soul mate, that's what makes them a soul mate. Rusty : I'm gonna find my soul mate... someday. Cappie : I'll tell you what, fellas, I'm done with relationships for awhile I've only got five or six years left on this campus and I'll be damned if I waste a second of that time. Life is too short. And speed date number eight awaits. Can I get a spot, Spit? Rusty : Yeah. Cappie : While you're looking for that special someone might as well have a little fun, right? Rusty : Cap! Cappie : Thank god we didn't return this thing.

To garner more votes for the upcoming presidential election , Frannie and Casey use unfriendly tactics . Rusty tries speed dating, but reunites with Jen K while out on one of his dates. Calvin is unsure if he should breakup with Michael since cheating on him with Heath ( Zack Lively ).

fd_The_Mentalist_01x07

fd_The_Mentalist_01x07_0

Temple of Harmony Kristina Frye: Rosemary, please don't go. I'm only trying to help. Rosemary: I'm not listening to you anymore. Kristina: Rosemary, you're in serious danger. Rosemary: I'm not listening. Rosemary walks in the street. Her phone rings. She looks at it and hangs up. A car starts to drive and follows Rosemary who tries to run. Rosemary: No! The car knocks down Rosemary who dies and leaves the place quickly. Later, the police is there. Marco Francis: Thank you for coming so quickly. Lisbon: Your victim is the widow of Macon Tennant. Founder of Calsure Financial. Close friends of the lieutenant governor. Rigsby: Yeah, we got to use the chopper. Francis: Cool. Well, we have two witnesses who saw a silver sedan deliberately chase her down. Uh, we're getting paint off of the trash cans right now. Hopefully we'll get a make and model. Uh, we've also got a partial plate. Lisbon: Sounds like you're on top of it. Francis: Sure, but I don't mind getting your backup. Lisbon: We're not backup. We're lead. Francis: Yes, ma'am. A few days ago, Rosemary here filed a missing persons report on her teenage son Travis. He had been gone for a week, but he's run away from home twice, and he's done a stint in juvie, so... Rigsby: What was the juvie charge? Francis: D.U.I. on a learner's permit. Her house is eight blocks that way, so we figured that she was walking home, but from where, we're not sure. Kristina: She was with me. Francis: And who are you exactly? Kristina: My name is Kristina Frye. I was Rosemary's spiritual advisor. Jane: I'm sorry. Did- did I hear that correctly? Lisbon: Miss Frye, you were with her where? Kristina: At my house. We had finished a session. We had contacted her husband. Lisbon: Her dead husband? Kristina: Oh, he knew this was gonna happen to her. He warned her that she was putting herself in terrible danger. Lisbon: From whom? Kristina: I don't know. I'm merely a channel. Jane: A channel for what? Kristina: For the energy of the departed souls. Jane: Okay. Oh, so you knew that this murder was gonna happen? Kristina: I didn't know. Her husband knew. I just passed the warning along to Rosemary. Jane: Okay. Got it. Uh, by her own admission, she's either, uh, a channel for the energy of the departed souls or she's involved in this murder. So you got a choice. You can call ghostbusters or we can take this lady downtown. Lisbon: Miss Frye, would you mind coming into our office in the morning and answering a few more questions in detail? Kristina: If I could be of any help, I'd be glad to. Please call me Kristina. [Jane laughs] [To Jane] Where is all this anger I feel coming from? Jane: Not from me. Maybe you're projecting. Kristina: No. Rosemary was my friend. Am I sad? Of course. Am I angry? Only that somebody would do such a terrible thing to her. Don't take this the wrong way, but you are completely misreading the situation. Jane: I am, am I? Oh, this is gonna be good. CBI, workspace Lisbon: How long have you known Rosemary Tennant? Kristina: Almost three years. Jane: Do you charge for your services? Kristina: Yes. How much depends on the resources of the individual client, but I never turn anyone away. Jane: How much did you charge Rosemary? Kristina: $500 per hour. Jane: How many hours a week? Kristina: Five to six. Jane: Oh, 3 grand a week. Nice. Kristina: Rosemary was a troubled soul. She needed intensive help. Van Pelt: What was troubling her? Kristina: Her husband was a powerful anchor in her life. After his death, I think she felt adrift, vulnerable. And people that she shouldn't have trusted recognized her weaknesses and played on them. Jane: Oh, really? Lisbon: Any people in particular? Kristina: Too many to mention. As a result, I think her relationship with her children may have suffered. Van Pelt: That would be Clara and Travis, yes? Kristina: Mm-hmm. Van Pelt: Suffered how? Kristina: I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable sharing any more than that with you. Jane: Mm. Van Pelt: Travis went missing several days ago. What did she have to say about that? Kristina: Truly, I'd love to help you, but my practice is boun by the same client confidentiality codes that all doctors abide by. Lisbon: You have a professional therapist's license with the state? Kristina: Yes, I do. Jane: Your client's dead. Kristina: Her earthly vessel is dead. When her soul completes its journey, I could ask her if it's all right to share her problems with you in more detail. I recorded all of our sessions on CD. If she says yes, I'll give them to you. Jane: Why bother with that? Why not just ask her who killed her? Kristina: Of course I will, but she may not know. Death doesn't grant omniscience. Jane: You're good. Kristina: I like to think so. Jane: Yes, you do. Kristina: I think it's important to love one's self. How do you feel about yourself? Jane: Oh, you tell me. And forget about the $500 an hour. I'm on civil service pay. Kristina: Okay, for free then. I think you act assured and arrogant, but inside you are troubled with deep guilt and self-loathing. A recent trauma in your past perhaps? But you're more than a little unstable. [To Lisbon] You have your work cut out for you. Van Pelt: You are good. Jane: Please. Not to boast, but I am quite a well-known horrible tragedy. A mere half-hour on the internet would tell you that I'm consumed with guilt and self-loathing. Kristina: One look in your eyes would tell me that and what makes you think I would spend any time researching you on the internet? A little self-involved maybe? [To Lisbon] May I go? Lisbon: Yes. Thank you for your time. Kristina: Feel free to call me any time. Lisbon: We will. She leaves. Van Pelt and Lisbon look at Jane. Jane: What? Jane, Lisbon and Rigsby go to Rosemary's home. Lisbon: Do we know who's home? Rigsby: Until two days ago, the residents were Travis Tennant, Rosemary Tennant and a semipermanent houseguest, name of Jeremy Hale, portrait photographer and Mrs. Tennant's boyfriend, [Lisbon rings] according to the gardener and pool guy. Jeremy: Dooley. Dooley, come here. Can I help you? Lisbon: Mr. Hale? Jeremy: Yes. Lisbon: California bureau of investigation. You mind if we come in? Jeremy: No, not at all. [They come in] Uh, sorry about the mess. Lisbon: Looks like you weren't alone last night. Jeremy: Well, I was at a, uh, gallery opening, but someone's always here. Rosie liked to have people around, and, well, you know us creative types- any chance to, uh, put off work. Rigsby: How long have you lived here? Jeremy: Uh... Going on six months. I'm a, uh, a photographer, and I met Rosemary at a show. I came to do a portrait, and then I guess we just kinda gelled, and I never left. Jane: So you and Mrs. Tennant were lovers? That's what everyone says. Jeremy: Did I love her and vice versa, yes. But lovers? We were close. She understood me better than anyone. Lisbon: Living here, you must have gotten to know her kids pretty well. Jeremy: Clara's all grown up. Didn't come around much anymore. And Travis- that kid has some problems. Lisbon: How so? Jeremy: I think after his dad died, he just lost it- on drugs, stealing stuff, acting out in crazy ways. Rigsby: When was the last time you saw him? Jeremy: Over a week ago. Rosie found drugs in his bedroom. They had a big fight. He split. I don't know where. He's got a hundred crazy friends to hide out with. Jane: Excuse me. Uh, do you mind if I take a look around? Jeremy: No. Go for it. Jane: Thank you. [He moves away] Lisbon: Rosemary put you in her will a few months back, didn't she? Jeremy: Yeah, and I felt bad about that, actually. It's too much. But Rosemary was such a generous person, and to refuse her generosity would be to, you know, deny her essence. Rigsby: The day before she died, she made an appointment with her estate lawyer, told him she wanted to make further alterations to the trust. Jeremy: Really? I had no idea. Lisbon: What do you think that was about? Jeremy: I could only imagine it has to do with Travis. Cut him off, and maybe it would straighten him out. Jane: Lisbon! Jeremy: Oh, you found my studio. Jane: She was quite beautiful, wasn't she? You really captured so much in her eyes. It's like she's talking to us. Jeremy: Rosemary was an easy subject, and those photos still don't do her justice. Rigsby: This is quite a setup. Lisbon: Darkroom, state-of-the-art equipment. It's nice to have a benefactor. Jeremy: I'm blessed. Jane: Or clever. You say that Travis left because he and his mom had a fight. Are you sure about that? Jeremy: Well, of course. I was there. Jane: I think Mrs. Tennant turned a blind eye towards her son's problems because he lost his dad. He didn't leave because of her. He left because of you. Jeremy: What are you talking about? Jane: I think this was Travis' room. There's old poster tape here on the walls. There's stickers behind this door and... dents... up here, from where a lacrosse ball was hitting it. Travis plays lacrosse, doesn't he? Jeremy: He used to before he got into drugs. Jane: And here- this pane of glass has a crack in it right at elbow or fist height. Must have been quite the argument between you two. Jeremy: Okay, that's enough. Jane: The only question is, did you take his room as soon as he left or did he leaves because you took his room? Jeremy: You're in my personal space. Please step back. Jane: Excuse me. [He steps back] So you kick him out of here, he has to find someplace safe, someplace to hide where change can't find him. Rigsby: So where'd he go? Jane points his finger upward and goes up. Alone in a little bedroom, Jane takes a picture of Travis with his family. There's a carousel in the background. Jeremy: Yeah, it's here on the right. [He shows Travis' room to Lisbon and Rigsby] He was happy in a smaller room. Rigsby: Yeah, I bet. Jeremy: Excuse me, but there's a definite note of uncalled for hostility in your voice. What is that about? Lisbon: He's just trying to do his job. CBI, workspace Lisbon: I know Travis Tennant is suspect number one, but Jeremy isn't exactly grieving right now. Van Pelt: I'll do some digging on hale, see what I come up with. Lisbon: Who's to say the kid's not dead? Maybe he killed both of them. More money in the will for him. Anything on the business side? Rigsby: Well, the psychic was right. Every high-end con artist and social parasite in town was hitting Rosemary up for a million. These guys are all white-collar leeches, not murderers. Jane: This looks like her. A young woman comes. Lisbon: The daughter. Miss Tennant, I'm Agent Lisbon. Thank you for coming. Clara: I came as soon as I could. Has anyone found my brother? Lisbon: Please have a seat. We're so sorry for your loss. To answer your question, no. Travis is still missing. But we're doing everything we can to find him. Can you tell us about your mother? Anything might help. Clara: I just can't believe she's gone. I mean, she was such a good person. Everybody loved her, and... for her to die in the gutter like that, it's... like garbage, it's- it's horrible. Lisbon: People say she changed after your father died. Clara: She... she sort of lost control. And my father was... the one that kept it all going. And she just... she wasn't that person. Lisbon: Could you give us an example? Clara: When I was in college... my brother called to tell me that people were ripping us off. And Mom would invest in one bad scheme after another, and I tried to warn her, but she just wouldn't listen. Jane: I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing. Is that when your brother started acting out? Clara: He missed dad a lot, and suddenly... he was the man of the house, and I think he just wasn't used to it. That's when Jeremy moved in, and he's scary. He's very dangerous. Lisbon: Dangerous how? Clara: He wants what he wants, and he has a very bad temper. I was worried for my mom. Lisbon: Clara, where do you think Travis is? Clara: If I knew, I would be with him. I mean, he's my brother. He's... he's all I've got left. Jane: Could you put his number in there, please? Clara: Well, he's not gonna call you back. Jane: Eh, just put it in. [She puts it] Thank you. Jane gets up, moves away and takes his phone. Jane: Hello, Travis. You don't know me, but my name is Patrick Jane. I'm a friend. I know you're in a little trouble right now, and I want to offer you some peace of mind. But I don't know what peace of mind means to you. It's different for everyone. For instance, I like riding horses. But would horses make you happy? I don't know. Why wouldn't horses make you happy? Go round and round in your mind until you're sure, and go to that place where you know you are happy. Then give me a call. You have my number. He hangs up. Rigsby, who heard him, looks at him with astonishment. Rigsby: What was that about? Jane: Quick. What images came into your head? Jane, Cho and Rigsby go to an amusement park, near a carousel. Rigsby: All I'm saying, you can't say there's no such thing as psychics just 'cause you've never met one. Cho: You're right. I've never seen a zebra. Doesn't mean they don't exist. Rigsby: You've never seen a zebra? Cho: No. Rigsby: You've never been to a zoo? Cho: You know, I don't get zoos. You pay money to look at animals. Why? [He sees Travis] Guys. Travis arrives. Jane: That's him. Cho: Jane, I'll never doubt you again. Jane: You ever doubted me? Travis goes on the carousel, Rigsby, Cho and Jane follow him. He sits and notices that he's surrounded. He gets up and wants to run away. Jane: Travis, wait. Just wait. CBI, interrogation room Lisbon: Travis, we know why you took off. We know about your fight with Jeremy. Why didn't you call somebody? Why just run? Travis: 'cause there wasn't anything they could do. I didn't want to cause any more trouble. Lisbon: Cause any trouble for who? They're your family. Travis: You really don't understand. Look, I loved my mom... so much. But after the blowout with Jeremy, I couldn't go back there. There was no way. Clara and Jane look the scene Clara: When can I see him? Jane: Oh, soon. Lisbon: So where'd you go? Travis: Friends' houses mostly. Cho: We'll need names and addresses. Travis: You know, maybe if I'd been home that night, she'd still be alive. I... Maybe- Lisbon: Here's the truth, Travis. After your dad died, your mom gave away a lot of your money. Then she moved Jeremy into the house and made your life miserable. Cho: So even though you took off, you knew where she'd be that night. You knew how she'd walk home. Travis: Are you saying I did that? When my dad died, Mom was all I had. You don't think I wanted to be there for her? That dirtbag Jeremy moves in, he starts telling me what to do and bossing me around. She was my mom. I didn't kill her. Jane: I believe him. Come here. They come in the interrogation room. Clara hugs her brother. Clara: We'll be all right. We'll be fine. CBI, workspace Van Pelt: Travis is hurting. Lisbon: Or he's lying. Let's not forget, Jeremy Hale stood to inherit a few million himself. So maybe he wanted to speed up the process... finance a nice long photo shoot in South America, lay low for a while? Rigsby: I heard from Rosemary's probate lawyer. Guess who she just added to her will. Jane: Uh, Kristina Frye? Rigsby: Ink wasn't even dry yet. Van Pelt: Kristina told us she knew in advance that Rosemary was in danger. Why would she tell us that if she's guilty? Jane: How diabolically clever of her... make us dismiss her as a suspect because she made herself look like one. Van Pelt: Or maybe, just maybe, she has a rare and precious gift and is trying to help us. Jane: A rare and precious gift. Tell me... Who gets these gifts anyhow? And how come no one ever has the gift for seeing horse race results? And how come dead people always talk such tedious drivel? Lisbon: Play nice. Van Pelt's entitled to her opinion. Jane: Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny. Rigsby: Who says there's no Easter Bunny? They smile. The phone rings and Van Pelt picks up. Van Pelt: Van pelt. Oh, hi. Wow. Thanks. Got it. We'll be right over. [To the team] That was Kristina. She said she's picking up on something. Jane: Um. Van Pelt: Something that might help us. Lisbon: Why don't you go talk to her? Jane: I'm coming. Van Pelt: Does he have to? Lisbon: If she's conning us, we need to know. Van Pelt: She isn't. I can tell. Lisbon: Behave. [SCENE_BREAK] Kristina's house Van Pelt knocks and the door opens. Van Pelt: Miss Frye? Kristina's voice: Be right there. Take a seat, please. Jane: Madame zoltar welcomes you. He sniffs. Jane: Mm. I smell dead people. Van Pelt: Jane, shh. Jane: Look, you can do all your holiday shopping right here. Van Pelt: Aren't you the least bit interested in what she has to say? Jane: No. I love the mirror. Conveniently located. Van Pelt: What do you mean? Jane: It's one-way glass- textbook clairvoyant trick. She studies her client's body language before they come in. He makes a sign at the mirror. Jane [whispering]: Come on. She's probably watching us right now. Van Pelt [whispering]: You can't go in there. Jane: Sure, I can. Van Pelt: Jane. [She follows him. He touches the wall and sees that there's nothing] See? No one-way glass. Jane: Oh, maybe in this instance, But not as a general observation. Kristina arrives and surprises them. Kristina: Shall we sit down? Jane: Sure. [They sit down] You know what I'm struggling with? Kristina: Enlighten me. Jane: You talk such a good high-class game, but your temple looks like a discount souvenir store in Shangri-La. Kristina: Well, certain imagery goes with the territory. You know that. People expect a little razzmatazz, like the shiny suits you used to wear. Flashback Jane: He says... "I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you and your mother." There're tears of joy. End flashback Jane: So you have done some research on me. Kristina: I have now. Red john murdered your family. I'm very sorry for your loss. Is that why you gave up your calling? Jane: Calling? Is that what this is? Kristina: Yeah, calling, gift, as you like. There's no doubt that you had that. Why'd you give it up? Jane: It was the suits. Chafing. Horrible. Kristina: Always dancing. Why is that? Jane: Don't try to cold read me. Kristina: Oh, I wouldn't know how. Jane: We both know that's a lie. Van Pelt: Can we, um, talk about the case? Jane: Yes. Kristina: Yes. Jane: So has Rosemary contacted you yet? Kristina: No, not yet. It often takes some time for souls to make a full transit. Jane: Yes, the celestial bus is running late. Kristina: I called to offer you my assistance. Clearly you're not interested. Van Pelt: Wait. I'm the agent here. We are interested. Kristina: I had a vision about the car used to kill Rosemary. Water rushing into the windows, tires underwater, resting on concrete. Van Pelt: Concrete? Like a swimming pool? Kristina: Um, bigger. Van Pelt: A reservoir maybe. There's Founders Lake just outside of town. Kristina: Yes, a reservoir. Later, to the reservoir. Men are towing the car. A man gives Cho a sheet of paper. Cho: Thanks. [To Lisbon] The damage to the front end is consistent with a vehicle versus pedestrian collision. But get this- the V.I.N. number matches Rosemary Tennant's own registration. Lisbon: That's her car? Cho: Yeah, two moving violations show that Travis used the vehicle all the time. Van Pelt: It could have been Jeremy. He had access to it as well. Lisbon: Uh, put one of them in the car that night- traffic cameras, witnesses at gas stations. If it exists, I want to know. Van Pelt: I'm on it. Francis: Are you guys gonna arrest Travis Tennant or, uh, you want us to? Lisbon: I'm sorry, detective, but everything we have right now is circumstantial. Francis: Well, I go with my gut, uh, 90% of the time. If it feels right, it's meant to be. Lisbon: What about the other 10%? Jane: If anyone needs arresting, it's Kristina Frye. She knew that Rosemary was in danger. She knew where to find the car, the murder weapon, which means that she either does have supernatural powers or she was involved in the crime. Lisbon: Come on. She simply did what you do so well. With an air of confidence, she made an educated guess. Where else would you dump a car around here? She's a good guesser. Jane: Well, I guess that's a possibility, too. Lisbon: Yes, and that's what you object to, isn't it? Not that she's a con artist but that she's so good at it. Maybe even better than you. Jane: Not at all. I... All right, yes. Not better than me, mind you, but she is good, and it's the good ones that are the most dangerous. Van Pelt: Excuse me, but you might consider the possibility that she's actually honestly in touch with something beyond your understanding. Jane: That would be golf and musical theater of the '30s and '40s. Cho: The car is empty except for these in the trunk. Lisbon: High-grade coated nylon. Jane: Just like they use in a photo lab. Rosemary's house Clara: Jeremy's gone. We had an exchange, and I told him not to come back and some of Mom's jewelry is missing. Travis: You really think he did it? Cho: Someone stole your mom's car and used it to kill her. But the locks weren't jimmied. They had a key. Travis: And you think I did it. Look, I already told you were I was. Go out, talk to my friends. Lisbon: We did. They said there were a lot of people at the party that night. You could have left and come back. Travis: This is so unfair. How... Clara: My brother's right. Jeremy just left. Clearly he's hiding something. Jane: Lisbon. Lisbon: Stay here. They go upstairs. Lisbon: [on the phone] Rigsby, it's me. I need an a PB on Jeremy Hale. Check the airports. He's probably got at least two hours on us. Jane: He hasn't gone that far. He's not on a plane. Lisbon: [she hangs up] How do you know? Jane: He left too much behind. Room full of photographs, five are of Rosemary. The rest are dated at least a year ago. Except... this one. This was taken a few weeks ago. Brand-new. A little damaged, but somewhat intimate. A woman's heel would make a hole like that, wouldn't it? Lisbon: Yeah. Jane: Being Rosemary's house, we can assume it's Rosemary's heel. Lisbon: I'm still with you Jane: Why would Rosemary want to put her heel in this nice young woman's picture, that was taken by her womanizing boyfriend Jeremy? Lisbon gets it and smiles. They go down. Jane shows the picture to Travis and Clara. Jane: Know her? Travis: Yeah. That's, um, Connie Adams, my mom's bridge partner's daughter, Connie. Van Pelt and Rigsby knock at Connie's door. Van Pelt: Connie? Connie: Can I help you? Van Pelt: Nice necklace. Police. We're looking for Jeremy Hale. Is he here? Connie: Baby? Jeremy comes shirtless with whipped cream in his hand. Rigsby: Hi, Jeremy. Jeremy: Hey. Van Pelt: Let's go talk. You might want some clothes. Rigsby: Or a lot more whipped cream. Your call. CBI, interrogation room Lisbon: Rosemary was killed by somebody driving one of her own cars. Jeremy: Okay. Cho: A silver Chrysler. You ever drive this car, Jeremy? Jeremy: No. That's the car that Travis drove. Not my style. Lisbon: Thing is, we found a glove in the car that's from your photo lab. What are the chances we find your DNA on it? Jeremy: Well, Travis could have taken those. Cho: Travis has an alibi. You could have taken the car in order to throw suspicion on him. Jeremy: I could have, I suppose, but I didn't. Lisbon: You left the Tennant house fast, almost like you were running away. Why is that? Jeremy: I got into it with the kids. That clara is insane. I thought she was gonna assault me. Cho: They think you killed their mother. Jeremy: Well, they don't know anything about me. I loved her. Lisbon: Of course you did. That's why you gave Rosemary's necklace to your hot new girlfriend. Jeremy: Well, it's no good to Rosemary, is it? So shoot me. I'm a pragmatist. Lisbon: That's a good word. Miami, New York, Chicago... All widows, and all contributors to your budding career. Jeremy: And all alive and well and still good friends of mine, if you care to speak to any of them. Well, phoebe might be a little ambivalent about me, but... the others are, you know... Lisbon: Do you know Kristina Frye? Jeremy: Uh... That name is familiar, but no. I don't think so. Lisbon: She's Rosemary's psychic, and I think you have met Kristina. You took her photograph. Cho: Jane tells us one of your portraits is hanging in her foyer. Well,I- I take a lot of pictures. Lisbon: Two beneficiaries on the same will, both intimate friends of Rosemary's, yet the two of you have never actually met. What are the chances? Jeremy: I want a lawyer. CBI, workspace Rigsby: Hey, boss, check this out. Info on Kristina Frye. In the last ten years, each of these people left her name in their wills, paydays ranging from $10,000 to $200,000. Lisbon: Maybe the psychic and Jeremy had a business relationship. Fleecing vulnerable women. Rigsby: So maybe Jane was right. Van Pelt: It doesn't prove anything. Lisbon: But it's a good place to start a conversation with Frye. Kristina's house Cho: Kristina, how well do you know Jeremy Hale? Kristina: He was Rosemary's lover. Uh, kind of a user, I'd say, but genuinely fond of her, I think. Quite a good photographer. He took my picture. Jane: Did you know he was also named in the victim's will? Kristina: If that was Rosemary's decision, fine. But what are you getting at? Cho: Over the last decade, five different people have named you in their wills. Kristina: Against my express wishes. I've helped hundreds of sick clients confront their fear of dying, and I assure all of them that I will try and speak to them after they're gone, but I have never asked any of them for anything ever. Cho: Then why did Jeremy get nervous when your name was mentioned? Kristina: Probably because we had s*x on a couple of occasions. We had fun. He's a good time. Jane: Have you spoken to Rosemary yet? Kristina: Yes, I have. Jane: Oh, you did? What did she say? Kristina: She seems quite taken with you. Jane: Ah. Kristina: She said you were a good man... A deeply misguided and damaged man, but good. Jane: Well, that's very flattering. Did she happen to mention who killed her? Kristina: No. She didn't know. But she wants me to keep trying to help you as much as I can. Jane: Well, not that you mention it, I'd love to hear your CD recordings of your sessions together. Kristina: Absolutely. Jane: And, uh, can you have Rosemary appear at the reading of the will? Kristina: She's a departed soul, not a wedding singer. You can't book her in advance. Jane: Ah, yeah. I guess, uh, time doesn't mean much when you're dead forever. Kristina: No schedule to keep. Jane: What's the rush? Kristina: Right. Jane: Hum. She leaves. Jane and Cho smile. Jane goes to Rosemary's house. Travis is playing lacrosse in the garden. Jane: Nice cradling. Travis: You play lacrosse? Jane: No. Fast-moving sticks scare me. Travis: Find out who did it yet? Jane: Not yet. Clara goes out of the house. Clara: Hi. Jane: Hi. Clara: Find anything? Jane: I think Kristina Frye is responsible for your mother's death. I need you to ask her to conduct a sance to contact your mom at the reading of the will. Clara: I don't understand. How is getting in touch with my mom gonna help you catch Kristina? Jane: Well, obviously, she's not really gonna get in touch with your mom. She's a fraud. I'm going to expose her. Clara: How do you know she won't really pull it off? Jane: Well, she won't, because she can't. CBI, in the kitchen Van Pelt and Rigsby are both looking at the microwave. Van Pelt: I don't like it. Rigsby: Me neither. What's the alternative? Van Pelt: It's immoral. Rigsby: I don't know about that. Say your brain gets cooked if you use 'em a lot. Make you infertile, too. Van Pelt: What are you talking about? Rigsby: Microwaves. What are you talking about? Van Pelt: The sance this evening. Rigsby: We were looking at the microwave. The sance has nothing to do with anything. Van Pelt: It's wrong to play with that stuff- raising the dead Jane: Uh, we're not actually going to be doing that- raising dead people. Van Pelt: You say that, but you don't know. You're mocking the occult. You don't have any belief in the afterlife. You don't know what you're getting into. Jane: Well, I know that sances are tools that con artists like Kristina use to manipulate people. Rigsby: Boo! Van Pelt jumps and Rigsby and Jane start laughing. Van Pelt: Yeah, laugh. Go ahead. It's really important to you that Kristina's a fake, isn't it? Because if she's not - if she does have a gift - everything you mock, everything you discredit, everything you stand for gets turned upside down. Jane: Um... Yeah. True. Unlikely, but true. Van Pelt: And what if your family's looking down at you tonight from the sance, trying to talk to you, but they can't because you won't believe? Jane: Well, that would be very sad. Van Pelt: I'm sorry. Jane: No, that's ok. She leaves. Rigsby takes his food and leaves too. Jane is thinking. Kristina's house, there's a lot of people who came for the sance. Estate lawyer: Really, it's quite irregular. Clara: It's what my mother wanted. Estate lawyer: Very well. If you can all please sit down? [everyone sits down] At the request of Rosemary and her daughter Clara, the reading of the will shall be prefaced with a... What do you call it? Kristina: A contact ritual- sance, some call it. Estate lawyer: A sance. Kristina: Good evening, everybody, and welcome. With your help tonight, I'm gonna try and contact Rosemary. Will you all please hold hands with your neighbor on either side? [To the estate lawyer] Everybody. Good. Thank you. [Lisbon takes Van Pelt's hand with her best "what's the f..." look] Thank you. [To Jane] Would you please turn the lights down? [He does it with a smile][Kristina closes her eyes] The veil will be drawn back and Rosemary will come to us, as long as we believe. [She opens her eyes] As long as we believe. Everybody concentrate on the candle in the center of the table. Look at it and concentrate on Rosemary. Come to us, Rosemary. Come to us. Speak. The candle suddenly flickers. Rosemary's voice: Kristina? Kristina? Kristina: It's me, Rosemary. I'm here, as I promised you I would be. All your friends and family are here, too, Rosemary. Is there anything that you'd like to say? Or ask? Rosemary? Rosemary's voice: Clara? Clara? Clara: Mom? Rosemary's voice: Why Clara? Why did you do it? Clara leaves hastily and goes upstairs. Jane follows her. Jane: I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work. Clara: What do you mean? Jane: This is all a scheme that you and Kristina cooked up, isn't it? Well, it's very effective, but I'm not buying it. I'm not gonna buy it. I'm not buying it. I can't. [He's hiding his phone behind his back and he's sending something] I can't. Clara: No. No, I... It's... I'm... Rigsby and Cho are in a van, listening to what she's saying. Rigsby looks at his phone. Rigsby: Next cue's up. Clara's voice: This isn't happening. Cho: Got it. Cho types on his computer. Rosemary's voice: Why Clara? Why? Clara [crying]: Who's doing this? I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry. Jane: Was it you, Clara? Were you in the car? Is that why she's here? Is that what's caused all this? Clara: Yes. Yes. CBI, interrogation room Clara: I got mad. I just got mad. Lisbon: Why? Clara: She told me... that she was gonna change the will again to disinherit Travis. She said that it was for his own good. And she wouldn't listen to me. We said some harsh things to each other. So I rode the train down from clear lake to speak to her in person, make her... see things rationally. I knew she was going to see her damn psychic. And... I didn't want to run into that creep Jeremy. So I went to the house to go pick up one of the cars to meet her. Flashback Clara's voice: I saw her after she left Kristina's, and I called her so that she wouldn't be freaked out that I would turn up in the middle of the night, and she didn't pick up the phone... End of the flashback Clara: ...for her own daughter, and... I just got mad. Flashback Clara is knocking Rosemary down. End of the flashback Lisbon: Thank you for your honesty, Clara. Clara: How did you know that it was me? Jane: Uh, well, uh... It didn't occur to me until later when you started trying to pin the blame on Jeremy. But when you first came in here, you expressed great horror that your mother had died in the gutter- not in the road, not in the sidewalk, but the gutter. Flashback Clara: For her to die in the gutter like that, it's... like garbage, it's-it's horrible. End of the flashack Jane: And how could you have known that she died in the gutter unless... You'd been there? Clara: I did it for Travis. Lisbon: And for yourself. Clara: She said that she would protect us! She promised my dad that she would. Parents are supposed to protect their kids. Lisbon: Yes, they are. Clara: Can I see my brother now? Jane: Sure. CBI, workspace Travis: I know you weren't thinking right... when you did what you did. Clara: Be good to Aunt Jo, and don't- don't leave your clothes everywhere, and... be respectful, okay? Travis: I will. I love you. Clara: I love you, too. They hug. Clara leaves with the police. Travis shakes Cho's hand. Travis: Thank you for letting me talk to her. Cho: You bet. They leave. Kristina arrives while Jane is lying on his sofa. Kristina: You sleep here? Jane: Yes, sometimes. Uh, the noise relaxes me, you know. It's like the sea. Can I help you? Kristina: Yeah, I just came to pick up my recordings. Jane: Help yourself. Kristina: Thanks. I need to talk to you. Jane: Fire away. Kristina: In private. Jane: This is private. Kristina: More private. Jane: Okay. He gets up and they go in an interrogation room. Jane: So... Kristina: Promise me you won't interrupt. Hear me out. Jane: Okay, I promise. Kristina: I talked to your wife. Jane: Oh, hang on, this is- Kristina: No, nuh-uh. Ever since your wife and daughter were killed, there's a question about that night's events that's been tormenting you, yes? Yes? Jane: Yes. Kristina: Your wife wants me to tell you that your daughter never woke up. She didn't know what happened. She wasn't scared, not even for a second. Jane: You're done channeling? That's it? Kristina: That's it. Jane: Thanks. Kristina: Good bye, Mr. Jane. Kristina leaves. Jane stays there, he starts to cry. Van Pelt sees him and shuts the door that Kristina left open.

The team investigates a hit and run murder of a wealthy California heiress, Rosemary Tennant, whose death was predicted by her psychic, Kristina Frye ( Leslie Hope ), moments before the accident. Jane, always the skeptic, laughs at the prediction and becomes intent on proving the psychic is a fake and a killer. But when CBI discovers Rosemary's will was being changed, suspicion falls on Rosemary's deviant teenage son, who was being cut out of the will, her younger lover, as well as the ever-present Kristina who was named as a beneficiary in the will. In order to catch the real murderer, Jane uses a gathering of Rosemary's supposed loved ones at a seance, that they think is to expose Kristina as a fraud, but is instead a trap to flush out the killer.

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The Space Pirates 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: SPACE (The Pirates' Beta Dart detaches from the beacon and moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (PENN calls up to the commanding officers on the upper deck.) TECHNICIAN PENN: They're leaving Beacon Alpha Four, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: SPACE (The Beta Dart continues to speed off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK MAJOR IAN WARNE: It's exactly what happened before. GENERAL HERMACK: What is our arrival time? TECHNICIAN PENN: Still ninety minutes to go, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: (Furiously.) We are going to be too late again! (They suddenly hear the detonation radio signal.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: The beacon should blow any second now. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: SPACE (Space Beacon Alpha Four explodes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (The TARDIS crew is thrown to the floor screaming, as smoke fills the exploding beacon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: SPACE (The huge V-Ship continues its journey.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (HERMACK and WARNE have come down to the lower deck where they walk over to PENN'S station where the soldier is furiously adjusting controls on his console.) GENERAL HERMACK: Penn! Give me a bearing on that pirate ship. TECHNICIAN PENN: I can't pick her up, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: (Furiously.) What? (No signal now shows on the radar sweep.) TECHNICIAN PENN: The debris from that beacon's jammed the signals. GENERAL HERMACK: Oh, Penn, you are an incompetent, useless... (With a choked-off growl, HERMACK turns and strides away. MAJOR IAN WARNE gives PENN a reassuring tap on the shoulder.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Keep trying, Penn. TECHNICIAN PENN: (Gratefully.) Yes, sir. (WARNE moves to the upper level of the bridge to join HERMACK. The GENERAL is standing by a refreshment station, watching black coffee trickle into a plastic cup.) GENERAL HERMACK: Ah, coffee? MAJOR IAN WARNE: Yes please, sir. (HERMACK passes a cup to WARNE.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Thank you. (For a moment the two men stand sipping their coffee in silence. HERMACK sees the look on WARNE'S face.) GENERAL HERMACK: All right, I know. The men are doing their best. MAJOR IAN WARNE: General? GENERAL HERMACK: Isn't that what you were going to say? MAJOR IAN WARNE: Something like that, yah. (HERMACK turns and looks at the upper deck monitor screen, which shows the eight disconnected sections of the beacon.) GENERAL HERMACK: You see? They're moving out of range already. MAJOR IAN WARNE: (Ruefully.) If only we could have sustained continual main boost, it might have been a different story. They must have a base somewhere in this system. We're more than fifty days out from home planet. GENERAL HERMACK: Quite, they can have main boost the whole time. Our only chance is getting close enough to launch the minnows. MAJOR IAN WARNE: Or locate their base. They must have dispatched pieces of that beacon to it. If we could just locate one of the pieces. (HERMACK shakes his head.) GENERAL HERMACK: Can't be done. If those auxiliary rockets cut out, we've nowhere to track on. (He gestures towards the screen. Each piece of the beacon is disappearing.) GENERAL HERMACK: You see - there's nothing left now. MAJOR IAN WARNE: We've got the tactile scanner, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: That would be like looking for a single speck of dust at the bottom of an Argonite mine. (WARNE puts his coffee down and stares at the main screen on the lower deck.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Do you think there's any chance they're still alive out there? GENERAL HERMACK: You mean Sorba's men? MAJOR IAN WARNE: Yeah. GENERAL HERMACK: I doubt it. I doubt if anyone's alive on that beacon now. (He too stares over at the large lower deck monitor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: SPACE (The eight segments of the Beacon quietly drift in space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (Inside their segment, the TARDIS crew is still and lifeless. Smoke from the explosion still hangs in the air.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (TECHNICIAN PENN spots a reading on his scanner and yells up to the upper deck.) TECHNICIAN PENN: Major Warne! (WARNE hurries over to the edge of the deck.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: What is it, Penn? TECHNICIAN PENN: Rocket ship, sir. MAJOR IAN WARNE: Are you sure? TECHNICIAN PENN: No doubt of it, sir, and she's right in the area where Beacon Alpha Four went up! (WARNE hurries over to controls and starts turning them.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Right, can I get it on the TS? TECHNICIAN PENN: We should be able to, sir, bearing starboard nineteen from SDC. (WARNE adjusts his controls.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Nineteen SDC... (GENERAL HERMACK comes over.) GENERAL HERMACK: What is it, Ian? MAJOR IAN WARNE: There's something on the radar, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: The pirates? MAJOR IAN WARNE: Well, if it is, there's something wrong with their ship. She's hardly moving. GENERAL HERMACK: But they don't even know we're in the same area. MAJOR IAN WARNE: Oh, I don't know, sir. They must be aware there's a V-Ship in the system. They ran into our picket on Alpha Four. Which is why, somehow, I don't think this can be their ship. GENERAL HERMACK: But according to flight information, there should be nothing in this solar system for the next eighty hours. (WARNE looks at the upper level monitor screen on which the shape of a rocket ship starts to become clear.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: There she is, sir. And that isn't the ship we saw before. GENERAL HERMACK: No, it isn't. Can you get a closer shot? (WARNE adjusts controls, and the image on the screen grows larger. It now shows a battered, stubby, curiously old-fashioned rocket ship. Its battered hull is dented and pitted by numerous meteor scars, and it bears the insignia LIZ 79, painted in sprawling letters on the clumsy nosecone. WARNE stares at it in disbelief and starts to laugh.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: That's one of the old C-class freighters, sir. I didn't know they were still flying. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. LIZ-79 (Inside the battered old spaceship that is causing the V-Ship so much concern, an equally battered old space pilot is about to start breakfast. An egg emerges seemingly from a side panel in a control console, as the owner of the ship comes into the room. MILO CLANCEY is a stocky, heavily-moustached man in his early sixties. He comes into the main room of the ship singing "Over the Rainbow" to himself and sits down in the pilot's chair. It is a stark metallic flight cabin, surrounded by old-fashioned patched-up controls. He's currently wearing the trousers to an old-fashioned heavy-duty space-suit, the tunic of which is draped over the back of his chair, together with a garish tartan shirt and a gaudy neck-scarf. Scooping up the egg, MILO pops it into the egg-cup which stands with a coffee pot and mug on a nearby tray together with various other bowls and cups. Drawing a formidable-looking knife from its belt-sheath, MILO lops off the top of the egg. He then stares expectantly at a smoking metal container on top of the console. He pulls the hinged lid of the back and takes out two blackened objects, that had once been slices of toast. MILO looks at them in disgust, and then, since the burned toast is still too hot, he drops them onto the floor. He speaks to himself in an American accent.) MILO CLANCEY: The last of me nutty sliced bread! Rubbishy new-fangled solar toasters! (He gets ready to eat again but a power drain causes the light in the room to flare and MILO hops on his chair over to a nearby control and presses a switch. Getting no response, he hits the console, causing the power to come back on.) MILO CLANCEY: Ah, that's better. (Above his head, as he tries to eat his breakfast, an illuminated panel bearing the word "CALL" begins flash. MILO puts down his tray, puts his tray down and gets up. He flicks a switch and puts on a pair of headphones with an attached microphone. A speaker gives out a whine of static. He twiddles a knob and a familiar voice emerges through the crackle.) GENERAL HERMACK: (OOV: Over communicator.) This is V-41. V-41 calling LIZ-79. LIZ 7-9, can you hear me? MILO CLANCEY: (Into radio.) LIZ-79, LIZ-79, I can hear you V-41. Go away! (MILO shoves a spoonful of egg in his mouth.) GENERAL HERMACK: (OOV: Over communicator, angrily.) What?! Now listen - this is General Nikolai Hermack, Commander of the Space First Division. Give me your identity registration. MILO CLANCEY: (Into radio.) A general, a real general. Oh, General, why don't you...take yourself off? I'm trying to have mah breakfast! (He eats another spoonful of egg.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK GENERAL HERMACK: (Into radio.) LIZ 79, give me your identity registration. That is an order. MILO CLANCEY: (OOV: Over communicator.) Oh come on, General, I lost that thing about thirty years ago. Now why don't you go about your business and leave me alone. (WARNE has hurried up with a computer print out. He feeds it into the console and on the upper level scanner, screen data appears.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: That's LIZ 79's registration, sir. She's a real old-timer - she's been afloat for about forty years. (HERMACK looks at the information sheet and, his attitude transforming, starts laughing.) GENERAL HERMACK: Milo Clancey! I might have known. MAJOR IAN WARNE: You know him, sir? GENERAL HERMACK: Of him. Out in Reja Magnum, where I did my first tour, he was something of a legend. (HERMACK turns back to the communicator microphone.) GENERAL HERMACK: (Into radio.) Milo Clancey! I have your identity registration here. MILO CLANCEY: (OOV: Over communicator.) I'm very glad for you, General. That's great work. That's very good. Now...now, good day. (HERMACK holds onto his temper...) GENERAL HERMACK: Listen Clancey! Where are you from and where are you bound? [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. LIZ-79 MILO CLANCEY: (Into radio.) Might I ask, General, what tarnation business that might be of yours? (He eats more egg as HERMACK'S patience snaps.) GENERAL HERMACK: (OOV: Over communicator.) Clancey, I'm coming alongside with a boarding party. I warn you - don't try and resist. (MILO shrugs philosophically.) MILO CLANCEY: (Into radio.) I won't tangle with you, General. You come on in, join the party. Oh, mind you don't scratch your nice shiny white paint. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: SPACE (Meanwhile, the Beacon segments continue to drift on their journey.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (On board the detached segment of Beacon Alpha Four, the DOCTOR suddenly stirs and sits up, clutching his aching head. He looks at his two motionless companions and shakes JAMIE gently in an attempt to rouse him.) DOCTOR: Jamie...Jamie... (He doesn't move. Looking round the cramped cabin the DOCTOR sees an oxygen tank clamped to the wall. Struggling to his feet he unhooks it and starts to carry it over to his unconscious companions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (WARNE comes onto the upper deck.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: I've sent a guard aboard, sir, to pick up Clancey. I don't think he'll give us any trouble. GENERAL HERMACK: Yes...well, he won't co-operate though. Ian, have you ever run across any of these old-timers? MAJOR IAN WARNE: No, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: Well, they think they're a law unto themselves. They don't like the Space Corps either. MAJOR IAN WARNE: Why? GENERAL HERMACK: Well these old mining prospectors - like Clancey - were the first men to go out into deep space. For a time they had the place to themselves. Roaming the space-ways, looking for planets, jumping each other's claims. They were a wild breed, Ian, and they learned to live without the law. MAJOR IAN WARNE: And then the Space Corps came along and started to enforce law and order, right? GENERAL HERMACK: Yes, much to their resentment. Clancey must be the last of the type. (At that moment, MILO CLANCEY strolls onto the bridge, under the escort of a couple of troopers. MILO is still wearing his ancient space-suit trousers and tartan shirt. The only addition is an old, but still serviceable, blaster rifle resting casually over one shoulder. He glances round the upper deck.) MILO CLANCEY: My, my, my. Well they certainly do you slickers proud don't they? Aye, this is like a whole floating fun-palace up here! GENERAL HERMACK: Clancey! I am General Hermack. MILO CLANCEY: Howdy! GENERAL HERMACK: And this is Major Warne, my ADC. MILO CLANCEY: Major? GENERAL HERMACK: What are you doing in this system and why you are not on feed-back to Central Flight Information? MILO CLANCEY: (Feigning surprise.) Oh, er, am I not, General? GENERAL HERMACK: No. (CLANCEY steps down to the lower deck and also starts to "inspect" it as HERMACK and WARNE watch.) MILO CLANCEY: Oh? No, you're right, no, you're right. I remember now. That old feed-back of mine, it just sort of fell to bits about, er, five year ago now. GENERAL HERMACK: Five years?! MILO CLANCEY: Or could it be ten? (Laughs.) Yep, certainly could be ten. I've been always meaning to get that thing fixed. MAJOR IAN WARNE: You know it's an offence to operate without a feed-back to CFI? MILO CLANCEY: An offence? MAJOR IAN WARNE: Right. MILO CLANCEY: Oh, I didn't realise that, sonny, no. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. There are so many offences these days. GENERAL HERMACK: (Sternly.) Clancey, what are you doing in this system? MILO CLANCEY: Well, I am the head of the Milo Clancey Space Mining Company. (HERMACK glances at the data on the upper deck monitor.) GENERAL HERMACK: Yes, we know all about that, we have your identity registration here. MILO CLANCEY: Oh, that must be great for you, General, to have all of those facts at your fingertips like that! GENERAL HERMACK: (Patiently.) Get to the point, Clancey. (MILO'S voice hardens.) MILO CLANCEY: You would know the point if you'd been reading my reports I've been sending to you the last two years. MAJOR IAN WARNE: What do you mean? MILO CLANCEY: Argonite pirates - that's what I mean, sonny. GENERAL HERMACK: (Interested.) Go on, Clancey. MILO CLANCEY: Over the last two years, I have lost five floaters, carrying Argonite ore back to home planet. They were hijacked, General, and they were brought into this system. MAJOR IAN WARNE: You reported this, you say? MILO CLANCEY: Ah, aye, I reported this, sonny, about a dozen times I reported it, but it didn't do me any good did it? (CLANCEY steps back up to the upper level.) MILO CLANCEY: Ah, so I said to myself, all right, all righty, I'll just have to do something about this meself! GENERAL HERMACK: How much Argonite did you have on each floater? MILO CLANCEY: I had a full load. Fifty thousand tons unrefined ore. MAJOR IAN WARNE: What makes you so sure that your floaters were bought into this system? MILO CLANCEY: Time, sonny, time. This system is the closest to where they left the space-way. And my old, er...floaters, they've got no propulsion units - they're...they're unmanned. They don't move very fast, sonny. MAJOR IAN WARNE: I know that! MILO CLANCEY: (To HERMACK.) Oh, he's a good lad. He's a bright lad, this boy of yours! (Laughs.) That's good thinking. Hey, is it all right if I, er, blow my nose, or is that another offence? (Without waiting for a reply, MILO produces a grubby handkerchief and blows a resounding blast, much to the soldier's disgust.) MILO CLANCEY: My old nose. I can't get used to all your fancy air-conditioning. GENERAL HERMACK: Yes, well, that's a pity, Clancey, but I'm afraid you'll have to put up with it a bit longer. MILO CLANCEY: Ah? GENERAL HERMACK: Now, how long have you been in the area of, er, Beacon Alpha Four? MILO CLANCEY: Beacon Alpha Four? GENERAL HERMACK: Yes. MILO CLANCEY: Er, er, have you a chart, General? (HERMACK jabs a finger at the star chart on a nearby table.) GENERAL HERMACK: Here! (MILO peers at the chart.) MILO CLANCEY: Er...oh, that's where we are! Well, well, well. You see my charts don't pick up these new fanged beacons. I don't trust them. MAJOR IAN WARNE: Ah, just an astral pointer and a piece of string, huh? MILO CLANCEY: That is right, sonny. (He looks at the map again.) MILO CLANCEY: Hey listen, I can't see Beal...Beacon Alpha Four here either. That's what I'm telling you. They're unreliable. It's...they're a waste of public money! GENERAL HERMACK: (Snaps.) Beacon Alpha Four is not registering because it's not there any more. MAJOR IAN WARNE: The Argonite pirates blew it up three hours ago. MILO CLANCEY: Oh, did they so? Well that'd be for salvage, I guess. Yeah, that would be it... GENERAL HERMACK: (Coldly.) You don't seem very surprised, Clancey. MILO CLANCEY: No, no, I'm not, General. This is clearing up a whole heap of things in mah head. I can lose every floater I've got and your fancy Space Corps won't do a thing about it. But the government loses one government beacon and that's a different matter - then you come running. That's what you're here now for. GENERAL HERMACK: Well, if there is any truth in your story, Clancey, and we do catch up with the pirates, you'll be entitled to put in a claim for compensation. MILO CLANCEY: Ho, ho! If I waited for you to catch these critters, I'd catch mah death of cold, waiting forever. I should think this old crate of yours has about half the speed of a Beta Dart, right? (CLANCEY tries to look over WARNE'S shoulder at the deck controls but the MAJOR tries to block his view.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: (Suspiciously.) Our speed is classified information. MILO CLANCEY: Oh, that may be, sonny. But this marauding band of sharks, you know they're using Beta Darts - one of the latest. You're in the wrong league, boys. Why don't you just go home where you came from?! MAJOR IAN WARNE: How do you know what ship they have? MILO CLANCEY: (Angrily.) Because I crossed their thieving flight path a couple of times. And if my old LIZ had any speed about her, I'd have rammed 'em! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (The DOCTOR is standing on a ledge and peering through an observation port set high in the wall. JAMIE and ZOE support him.) ZOE: Can you see anything, Doctor? DOCTOR: I'm...I'm coming down, look out. (He climbs down looking worried.) JAMIE: Well what's on the other side? Could you see? DOCTOR: Jamie, I'm a...I'm afraid that there's nothing on the other side - just space. JAMIE: Hey? DOCTOR: It appears that this machine we're on has been blown into about eight separate pieces. ZOE: (Amazed.) Are you sure? DOCTOR: Well, of course I'm sure. Get up and look for yourself if you don't believe me. ZOE: Well then, that must have been the explosion? JAMIE: Doctor, does...does that mean the TARDIS has gone? DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie. JAMIE: Well that means we'll never get it back! (JAMIE himself climbs up to look out.) ZOE: (To the DOCTOR.) I don't understand. Why would anybody want to blow up a space machine? DOCTOR: Sabotage perhaps. ZOE: Well, what about those men that tried to killed us? DOCTOR: Oh, I...I think they were here to defend the machine. That would explain why they were so unfriendly towards us. (JAMIE climbs down.) JAMIE: Well, what you're saying is that we've landed ourselves in the middle of some sort of war in space? ZOE: And now we're just floating aimlessly on a bit of debris. DOCTOR: No, Zoe, not aimlessly. There appear to be rockets attached to each part of the machine. And they're all moving along together. JAMIE: Hey? DOCTOR: Well, as you know, Jamie, when something explodes in space, all the pieces separate and go on separating indefinitely. But this machine has separated just so far, perhaps a mile and now, as I said, they're all moving along together at the same speed. ZOE: Because of the rockets. Oh I see! So whoever broke up the machine, is sending all the pieces to the same place? DOCTOR: It looks like it, Zoe. JAMIE: Oh, so we can get back to the TARDIS then - if it's only a mile away. DOCTOR: (Gently.) A mile in space, Jamie, with no oxygen or means of propulsion? (The DOCTOR looks beyond JAMIE to a wall of the compartment. He has a look of interest on his face.) ZOE: It might just as well be a thousand miles. JAMIE: (Disgusted.) Oh, that's just fine then. (The DOCTOR moves closer to the wall, listening intently.) ZOE: Have you got an idea, Doctor? DOCTOR: Shh, shh, just a minute. (There is a faint buzzing.) DOCTOR: Now what on earth is that? [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (MILO has finally lost patience.) MILO CLANCEY: Oh, look here, General. If you've finished with all your fool questions, I've got work to do. I want to get back to my ship. GENERAL HERMACK: (Smiling.) All right, Clancey, I'm sorry to have detained you. (WARNE looks at his commander in puzzlement.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Sir? MILO CLANCEY: (Cautiously.) What...what, you mean I can go? GENERAL HERMACK: Of course. MILO CLANCEY: Oh, that's great. That's very kind of you. I'll...I'll just say goodbye then, General...er. goodbye. (CLANCEY goes watched by a disapproving WARNE. The MAJOR then stands to attention.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: (Crisply.) The navigators are standing by for orders, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: Obviously, you think I've done the wrong thing. MAJOR IAN WARNE: It's not for me to say, General. GENERAL HERMACK: You think I let Clancey go too easily. MAJOR IAN WARNE: I would have put him through the mind probe, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: That did occur to me. He does seem to be mixed up with these Argonite pirates. MAJOR IAN WARNE: Too much. GENERAL HERMACK: You think he's in league with them? MAJOR IAN WARNE: It's possible, sir. You said he's no respecter of the law. That story about floaters and pirates could have just been a cover story. GENERAL HERMACK: I quite agree. MAJOR IAN WARNE: (Puzzled.) You agree sir? GENERAL HERMACK: Oh yes, Ian. Not only do I think that Milo Clancey is in league with the Argonite pirates, I think he is the mastermind behind the whole organisation - which is precisely why I let him go! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (The DOCTOR has succeeded in removing an inspection panel and is examining the circuitry behind it. JAMIE and a weary looking ZOE watch him from the steps.) JAMIE: Oh, what's he doing now? ZOE: I've no idea - ask him. JAMIE: Oh, what's the use? He's got his mysterious face on. ZOE: Well I think he's just trying to keep our hopes up. JAMIE: Hopes? ZOE: By looking busy. There's nothing anyone can do now. I'd say we've got a few hours at the outside. (JAMIE stares at her in alarm.) JAMIE: What do you mean by a few hours? ZOE: Well, haven't you noticed, Jamie? Haven't you noticed how difficult it is to breathe properly now? (JAMIE looks worried and feels his throat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (WARNE talks into the communicator microphone.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: Bridge to armoury - this is Major Warne. I want a Minnow readied for immediate launching. Fit contact warheads to the Martian missiles. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: SPACE (The V-Ship continues on its journey. In the central part of the hull two a hatch falls back and a smaller pointed craft appears from the on a ramp. The small ship takes off with a great burst of speed, and flies off into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK (HERMACK leans down over the ledge of the upper deck.) GENERAL HERMACK: Navigator Penn. TECHNICIAN PENN: Sir? GENERAL HERMACK: Keep contact with Major Warne in the minnow, until he reports he's within visual range of LIZ-79. TECHNICIAN PENN: Very good, sir. (He turns to the main communicator. Meanwhile, HERMACK snatches up a communications microphone.) GENERAL HERMACK: (Into microphone.) V-Master to XX-1. Come in, Ian. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MINNOW FIGHTER (WARNE, helmeted, sits in the cramped cockpit of the Minnow fighter.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: (Into communicator.) Okay, General. I'm following Clancey without his knowing. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. V-SHIP FLIGHT DECK GENERAL HERMACK: (Into microphone.) Yes, but remember he's no fool. If he suspects he's being followed, you'll be in trouble. Meanwhile I'm going in to land on Ta. Relay reports to the nearest beacon. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (The DOCTOR is mixing around some of the circuits and wires in the panel. All three are now finding it very difficult to breathe and JAMIE and ZOE are now sprawled on the steps of the compartment.) ZOE: Oh Doctor, can we have some more oxygen? DOCTOR: No, I'm afraid not, Zoe. We've got to conserve it. JAMIE: Oh, what's the use? We'll never get out of this. DOCTOR: Come here, both of you. (ZOE and JAMIE heave themselves to their feet and slowly walk over to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Look...look at these. (He points at several boxes in the panel.) JAMIE: What are they? DOCTOR: They're solar powered magnets. It's a force field! JAMIE: Hey? DOCTOR: Well, don't you see? The explosive charges that blew this machine apart didn't damage its structure. They simply divided it along the lines of its electromagnetic fields. ZOE: Well, how do you know? DOCTOR: Because there was no damage to the structure. ZOE: Oh, you mean...the machine was built in separate sections and assembled in space by magnetism? (The DOCTOR digs out two magnets from his pocket, one held on a piece of string.) DOCTOR: Yes, you see, Jamie, opposite poles attract and... (He shows JAMIE the opposite ends of the magnets locking together.) DOCTOR: ...and...and the same poles repel. (The other ends of the magnets push each other away.) DOCTOR: You see, try it. There... (He gives the magnets to JAMIE and, as the DOCTOR and ZOE talk, JAMIE plays with them.) ZOE: Oh, so the explosion was just strong enough to break the magnetic attraction, but between each section? DOCTOR: Yes. JAMIE: But that doesn't do us any good does it? DOCTOR: Yeah, but it just might Jamie! Supposing I could step up the electromagnetic power enough to bridge the space between this section and the next... ZOE: You mean draw it towards us? DOCTOR: Yes, and then repeat the process with each section and so on until we reach the TARDIS! JAMIE: Hey, well do you think you could do it? DOCTOR: Well, I've got a screwdriver. (He holds up a screwdriver. JAMIE groans.) JAMIE: Oh. DOCTOR: I've...I've got a slight knowledge of electromagnetism. ZOE: (Nervously.) Yes, there's just one thing, Doctor... (The DOCTOR indicates the oxygen cylinder at his feet.) DOCTOR: Oh, er, Jamie, would you move this, er, cylinder out of the way? (JAMIE does so.) ZOE: How do you know the next section to this one is an opposite pole? DOCTOR: Well, I don't, Zoe. ZOE: Well then, if it's similar, your idea won't work, will it? We'll just shoot off in the opposite direction! DOCTOR: (Reproachfully.) Zoe, don't be such a pessimist. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: SPACE (The V-Ship flies towards the planet of Ta in the distance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. TA. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (MADELEINE ISSIGRI, the president of the Issigri Mining Corporation, is as impressive as her plush metallic office. A tall, dark-haired, strikingly beautiful young woman, she the calm authority of someone accustomed to wealth and power. She wears a futuristic dress and a helmet type hat that totally fits the contours of her head. At the moment she is leaning back in her chair, a faint smile on her lips, watching as GENERAL HERMACK talks to WARNE whose image appears on a monitor built into a pillar. A female secretary, dressed in a similar fashion to MADELEINE, comes in with a big flask of liquid.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: (On monitor.) Thirteen hundred: XX-1 to V-Master. I have made visual contact with LIZ-7-9. We're still orbiting in the same dimensional plain. Nothing further to report. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: It must be very...uncomfortable after a few hours in one of those minnows, General. GENERAL HERMACK: Ah, it is. (MADELEINE pours a drink into the GENERAL'S thin metal goblet.) GENERAL HERMACK: Thank you. But then after a week you get quite used to it. (She calls up LIZ 79's information on the screen.) MADELEINE ISSIGRI: I thought so! LIZ-79 is Milo Clancey's ship. GENERAL HERMACK: (Laughs.) Your records are very comprehensive. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Why is he being followed? GENERAL HERMACK: Well, I explained to you the purpose of this mission. I believe that Cal...Clancey has connection with the Argonite pirates. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: That seems unlikely. GENERAL HERMACK: Oh why? MADELEINE ISSIGRI: He has Argonite mines on the planet Lobos. GENERAL HERMACK: Which I hear are pretty well worked out. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: (Proudly.) They used to say this planet was worked out. But I brought in new machinery and today it's the most productive in the galaxy. GENERAL HERMACK: I must say I'm...surprised to find you of all people defending Clancey. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Why? GENERAL HERMACK: Well, because of the rumours connecting him with the death of your father - Dom Issigri. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Well, I tried to prove that at the time but...but nobody knows what happened between them so...now I prefer to forget it. GENERAL HERMACK: But you took over the Argonite holdings from your father and split away from Clancey? MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Yes. GENERAL HERMACK: And now you run the most successful Argonite mining business in the galaxy, while Clancey, because of your competition, must be pretty nearly bankrupt. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Is that why you think he's taken up with piracy? GENERAL HERMACK: Well, jealousy of your great success would be a pretty strong motive - unless of course, you disagree. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Oh, you may be right. Well, I haven't seen him since the day the partnership was dissolved, so...well I don't know what he feels. GENERAL HERMACK: Well, I can understand it. For a man like Clancey, to be defeated by an attractive woman like you at his own game - he'd take any risk to get his revenge. (MADELEINE thinks about this.) MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Well, I wouldn't like to think that that was true. GENERAL HERMACK: Your concern does you credit. But I'm convinced I shall have the proof I need within a few hours. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Really? How? GENERAL HERMACK: Warne has reported that Clancey is still on the same dimensional orbit as he was when we left him. Obviously he is expecting a rendezvous. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: With the pirate ship? GENERAL HERMACK: I think so. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (The DOCTOR, JAMIE and ZOE congregate round the cylinder of oxygen, breathing in the gas. The DOCTOR closes the valve.) DOCTOR: (Softly.) I think that's all we can spare. JAMIE: How much longer? DOCTOR: I've nearly done it, Jamie. I've just got one more connection to make. JAMIE: Well, I hope it works. DOCTOR: Yes, of course it will work. The theory is perfectly sound. (JAMIE looks at the wiring, as the DOCTOR starts to make the final connection.) JAMIE: Aye, maybe. That wiring looks like a cat's cradle to me. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, it's...a little bit of a mess, Jamie, but I assure you it's...it's thoroughly functional. Thoroughly functional. Here we are, now...you two had better hold on. (Breathing with difficulty, JAMIE and ZOE grab the rail by the steps.) DOCTOR: Are you ready? JAMIE: Yes. ZOE: Yes, ready Doctor. DOCTOR: Hold tight. Here we go. (The DOCTOR pulls a switch and a low humming noise fills the little cabin. All three start to lie back as the force pushes hard against their bodies. Rising steadily in frequency, the noise soon turns into an ear-splitting shriek.) DOCTOR: Oh, oh, oh! JAMIE: Oh, what's happened?! ZOE: Oh Doctor, you've got it wrong! We're gathering speed! DOCTOR: I know! I know! I... I... I... (As JAMIE and ZOE desperately hold onto the rail, the DOCTOR tries to pull back the switch, but it won't budge.) DOCTOR: I can't turn it off! Ah! ZOE: (Appalled.) What?! DOCTOR: Ah! Ah... ah no! I'm stuck! The power's too great! JAMIE: Well, isn't it working? ZOE: Oh yes, it's working all right, but the wrong way! We're being shot further into space! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: SPACE (The beacon segments float peacefully together but the far right segment flies off to the left and into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT ZOE: (Shouts.) Oh, Doctor, for goodness sake, do something! DOCTOR: I'm trying to, Zoe. I...I'm trying to... (The DOCTOR holds on with one hand and desperately struggles to shut down his magnetic lash-up with the other. The DOCTOR succeeds at last, the high-pitched howling dies away and the room becomes still. The three companions fall to the floor.) ZOE: Oh, thank goodness! JAMIE: Are we all right now? (The DOCTOR remains silent but looks desperately concerned.) ZOE: Doctor? DOCTOR: No Zoe, I...I'm afraid we're not. Even if I could reverse the magnetic field, I'm afraid we're...too far away from the next section. ZOE: Then we're worse off now - just floating hopelessly in space. DOCTOR: Yes. Oh dear. What a silly idiot I am... [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. TA. MADELEINE'S OFFICE MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Well, naturally General, I'm prepared to give all the help I can. (The communicator bleeps, MADELEINE presses a button on her desk and the monitor shows WARNE'S face in the minnow.) MAJOR IAN WARNE: (On monitor.) 13:10. XX-1 to V-Master. GENERAL HERMACK: (To MADELEINE.) Something must be happening. He's not due to report. MAJOR IAN WARNE: (On monitor.) LIZ-7-9 is now on retro-drive. She's linking with a section of Alpha Four. Standing by for orders. GENERAL HERMACK: (Triumphantly.) You see? Clancey's in the collection area. He's awaiting the beacon sections. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Well, it could be coincidence. He's seen the drifting wreckage and he's curious. GENERAL HERMACK: Madam, you'll need a 90M computer to work that out. No, this is the proof I need! MADELEINE ISSIGRI: What are you going to do? Arrest him? GENERAL HERMACK: Could I use your audio-board? MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Of course. (HERMACK crosses to a console on which their is another monitor and picks up a microphone.) GENERAL HERMACK: (Into microphone.) V-Master to XX-1. Can you hear me, Ian? [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. MINNOW FIGHTER MAJOR IAN WARNE: (Into communicator.) Yes sir. LIZ-7-9 is now completing the link-up. I'm standing by for orders. [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. TA. MADELEINE'S OFFICE GENERAL HERMACK: (Into microphone.) Good, that means he can't make a sudden move. I want you to go in and arrest him. MADELEINE ISSIGRI: Oh, well your man to be careful, General. Clancey has a terrible temper - he's likely to explode like glycerol trinitrate. GENERAL HERMACK: (Into microphone.) Ian, if he shows any sign of resistance, use your missiles. Otherwise, escort him back here. MAJOR IAN WARNE: (On monitor.) I understand, sir. GENERAL HERMACK: Report back when the arrest is made. (Behind him, MADELEINE turns away and smiles to herself...) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. SPACE BEACON ALPHA FOUR. COMPARTMENT (JAMIE and ZOE are slumped back, scarcely able to breathe. The DOCTOR divides the last bit of oxygen between them from the canister. He too is very weak.) DOCTOR: Here you are. (The two breathe in the air. JAMIE turns the wheel on the oxygen cylinder but nothing happens.) JAMIE: Empty. ZOE: Oh, Doctor, what about you? DOCTOR: I...I don't need so much as you. (Suddenly a loud, grinding thump comes from outside the compartment.) JAMIE: What's that? DOCTOR: Just a minute, Jamie, listen. (Bolts begin dropping from the sealed door one by one.) ZOE: They're cutting through the bolts in the hull. (JAMIE staggers to his feet.) JAMIE: We've been discovered! (He starts to stagger to the newly-cut entrance.) DOCTOR: Oh, wait a minute, Jamie! (A panel bursts and a bulky space-suited figure, wearing a helmet appears, covering them with a blaster rifle. JAMIE spots it.) JAMIE: Oh no, you don't! (He springs to the attack.) DOCTOR: Jamie! No! (There is a fierce crackle of energy from the blaster as it lights up and JAMIE falls to the ground. ZOE shrieks up at the new arrival.) ZOE: You murderer!

With the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe trapped on a beacon segment, Hermack becomes suspicious of the unruly prospector Milo Clancey.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x07

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x07_0

[The Woods] (Stefan is doing push-ups. He's on speakers with Caroline) Caroline: What do you mean, you're not coming? I don't need to remind you that your miss Mystic Falls attendance record totally sucks. Besides, you're a founding family member. By definition, you have to be here Stefan: Elena and I broke up. By definition, I don't need to be anywhere Caroline: Did that sound as depressing to you as it did to me? Stefan: I'm not depressed. I just want to rip into someone's artery and feed until I can't breathe anymore Caroline: Well, you can't. As your sober sponsor, I'm not going to let that happen. Try and sublimate Stefan: She said she has feelings for Damon Caroline: What? She can't have feelings for Damon. He's... Damon, and you're you, and I'm... Revolted. You know, I'm gonna talk to her. I'm going to shake some sense into her clearly diseased brain Stefan: Yeah, well, I don't know what good that'll do. Elena's right. Being a vampire really has changed her Caroline: All the more reason you need to cure her. Look, I got to go. Be careful and remember, there's sublimating and then there's insanity Stefan: I'll be fine. Bye (Klaus arrives and strangles him from behind) Klaus: In what world do the words "tell no one" mean "tell your brother and every teenage sycophant in town"? Stefan: The secret's safe. No one who knows about the cure would endanger us. Trust me. You know I want to find it more than anyone else Klaus: Well, then I suggest you find some vampires for Jeremy to kill before I'm tempted to offer you up as a victim. And try to keep this one to yourself, would you? [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is about to leave. Damon is here) Damon: Where have you been? Stefan: Oh, you know. Out Damon: Where you going? Stefan; Out Damon: Ok. I see shady Stefan is back. Please don't tell me that you're still working with Klaus Stefan: You obviously haven't heard. Elena and I broke up Damon: Oh. Got it. Uh, well, I'll be quick, then. So apparently if we want to find the cure, we have to find a vampire hunter who can kill enough vampires to reveal the map on the hunter's Mark. Now, unless we want Jeremy to go all Connor 2.0, I suggest we find a different hunter Stefan: Ok. And? Damon: And I was gonna ask Professor Shane, but it turns out he's shadier than you are. Matt Donovan connected him and the pastor through phone records. Apparently the two were very chatty the day that the pastor blew up the council Stefan: Ah. So you're gonna confront Shane, threaten him, possibly kill him... that sort of thing? Damon: Yeah, unless he tells me what he's up to. What do you say? We tag team? Stefan: Nah. I'd say you're on your own Damon: Or we could just blow it off, then... go get drunk, brother-Bond over some tridelts if you... You know, want some quality time Stefan: Let's not pretend like this isn't the best day of your life (He leaves) [Lockwood's Mansion] (Everyone is prepping the Miss Mystic Falls' Pageant. Caroline rejoins Elena) Caroline: I'm your best friend, and I would never pick sides, but are you sure that this is what you want? Because Stefan is your soul mate. Sorry. Picking sides Elena: It's not like I don't love Stefan anymore, but I can't deny that ever since I turned, my feelings for Damon have become more intense Caroline: Yeah, I know. Stefan filled me in on all the gory Damon details Elena: He did? Is he ok? Caroline: No. He's heartbroken Elena: Well, what was I supposed to do? Lie to him? Caroline: No, but you weren't supposed to let Damon weasel his way into your confused newbie vampire heart Elena: Well, he did, and that's exactly what I am... confused. I need to figure out what these feelings actually mean (Shane rejoins them) Shane: Excuse me. I'm a little lost. I'm here to interview contestants Elena: You're Professor Shane? Shane: Yeah, that's right... Professor by day, pageant judge by other day. In spite of being absurdly unqualified, I'm apparently awarding a scholarship? Caroline: Inside by the parlor Shane: Right here? Caroline: Mm-hmm Shane: All right. I'll just follow the scent of hair spray and world domination (He leaves. Elena looks at Caroline) Elena: He's the one who told Damon how to break the hunter's curse Caroline: He's also the one that has Bonnie so obsessed with practicing magic that she bailed on pageant prep Elena: And now he's judging miss Mystic Falls? Jack of all trades or kind of creepy? (Jeremy and Matt are here to help) Matt: So your sister's making me be her date. Do I have to do that weird dance thing? Jeremy: I'm pretty sure that's just for the contestants Matt: I heard that you're April's escort. How'd that happen? Jeremy: She needed a date, and apparently you were taken Matt: Uh. Ok, let's just take these, and we'll come back for the kegs Jeremy: Wait. You want to see something cool? (He takes 2 kegs by himself) Matt: How did you just do that? Jeremy: I've had all this energy, like all the time Matt: Jer, I think you need to talk to someone about this. I mean, look what happened to Connor, ok? A byproduct of this energy is that you're gonna want to kill vampires, and you happen to live with one Jeremy: Hey, I would never hurt my sister. I'll be fine [Mystic Fall's Hospital] (Stefan looks around and finally chooses a room. There's a guard in front of it. He looks at him) Guard: Can I help you? (Stefan compels him) Stefan: Time for a little break. He'll be safe with me (The guard leaves. Stefan enters the room. The patient is handcuffed to the bed) Patient: Who are you? Stefan: Why is there a cop outside? Patient: I'm a convicted murderer Stefan: Are you guilty? Patient: Of course I am Stefan: Any regrets? Patient: Only that I got caught (Stefan bites his wrist and makes him drink his blood. Then he breaks his neck) [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline is supervising the prepping. 3 girls arrive with flowers) Caroline: Whoa. Stop. Stop. Those flowers go in the back, as indicated by the floral chart that you guys had plenty of time to memorize. Yeah. Thank you (The girls leave. Klaus arrives) Klaus: Now, how did I know I'd find you at the helm of this ship? Go away. I'm busy Caroline: Go away. I'm busy Klaus: I was wondering what time I should pick you up tomorrow Caroline: About a quarter to never Klaus: I was promised a date in return for one of my hybrids Caroline: Yes, a date, like to a movie, where we don't have to talk and I can put at least 3 seats between us Klaus: Surely the reigning miss Mystic Falls won't be hosting the party alone. And I assume you're not taking Tyler... not after his indiscretions with his lady werewolf friend Caroline: Fine. If you insist on coming, meet me here, 2 P.M. black tie optional. And I already have a dress, so don't even think of getting me so much as a corsage. You understand? Klaus: I'll see you tomorrow, Caroline [A barn] (A werewolf is turning. Haley is there) Haley: Scream. Let it out. We're on an abandoned farm. No one can hear you for Miles Hybrid: Easy for you to say, wolf girl. You never turned 20 times in a row Haley: No, but I watched a bunch of your hybrid friends go through it Hybrid: Why does it have to be like this? Uhh! Why break every bone over and over? Haley: That's what the sire Bond is. You're grateful to Klaus because he released you from the pain of having to turn every full moon. So you're gonna keep turning until it doesn't hurt. Then you'll have nothing to be grateful for Hybrid: Uh! What's in all this for you? Haley: I don't hear bones cracking (Tyler enters) Tyler: Caroline bought us another day. Klaus wants to go with her to miss mystic falls tomorrow Haley: So does that mean we're going? Tyler: Watching Klaus Fawn over Caroline at some lame-ass pageant? No, thanks Haley: Come on. We need to hide what's going on here by pretending that I was the one that broke you two up, and besides, isn't it at your house? Hybrid: Guys, like this isn't torture enough? Can you take it outside? Tyler: Fine. We'll go. Wear a dress [Gilbert's House] (Elena is in her bedroom trying to clasp her necklace. Jeremy enters) Jeremy: You need a hand? Elena: Yeah. Please. This clasp is tricky (He helps her) Elena: Hey, I, uh, picked up your clothes from the dry cleaners. They should be hanging on your door Jeremy: I really wish you'd stop acting like you were still my sister (She doesn't understand and he strangles her with her necklace. She bleeds. He wakes up, gasping. He finds a knife on his bed and a stake with a symbol carved on it. He's surprised) (Matt is in Jeremy's bedroom. Jeremy is in the bathroom) Matt: How do you wake up with a knife in your hand and not remember how it got there? It's that hunter's Mark, jer. It's messing with you Jeremy: What if I'm turning into Alaric? I probably died too many times with this ring on my finger, and I'm developing an alter ego, like he did (Matt reads something) Matt: "Newly awakened hunters may not be fully conscious of their actions. Their subconscious pushes through until the urge becomes a basic instinct." You're not having a psychotic break, jer. You either tell Elena, or I will Jeremy: Fine. I'll tell her when I see her (He receives a text from Stefan asking him to meet him at the Lockwood cellar) Matt: All right. We should probably get going. Need a ride? Jeremy: Uh, no. Go ahead. I'll meet you there Matt: All right (He leaves. Jeremy looks at his phone, intrigued) [Lockwood Mansion] (April, Caroline and Elena are in a room. April is showing them dresses) Elena: Blue Caroline: Blue April: Really? The blue seems a little safe Elena: Safe is good when it comes to the judges Caroline: She's right. Gracie Lockwood had a 3-foot slit her year and practically got laughed off the court (They laugh. Damon enters) Damon: She got my vote Caroline: Get out, lurker Damon: Ouch. Where's Professor Shane? Caroline: Check the judges' table Damon: Red one, definitely Caroline: We've already agreed that the red one's a little bit too showy Damon: It's a pageant. That's the whole point Caroline: Did you win miss mystic last year? No. I don't think you did Damon: Neither did Elena, and she wore blue Caroline: Nobody cares what you think April: I care Damon: See? April cares. Red, right, Elena? Elena: The red is pretty Damon: And my work here is done (He leaves. Caroline looks at Elena) Caroline: Uh, what happened to 30 seconds ago when you hated the red one? What happened to "safe is good"? Elena: Whichever one you want to wear, April (She leaves) Caroline: What just happened? (Damon is going down the stairs. Elena follows him) Elena: Damon Damon: Still here Elena: We need to talk Damon: Stefan told me about the breakup. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not Elena: What did he say? Damon: Oh, you know. Stuff. The guy just went on and on about it. Wouldn't shut up Elena: So he didn't tell you why? Damon: Nope, but I'm sure it has something to do with you acting weird, so why don't you tell me? Elena: You (Shane interrupts them) Shane: Damon Salvatore. Looks like we're traveling the same circuit Damon: Professor Shane. Just the guy I wanted to see (Shane and Damon are outside, walking) Damon: So I'm in search of another hunter Shane: Hunter with a capital "h"? Why? Damon: Same reason anyone needs a hunter... loneliness, drinking buddy, fourth for golf Shane: I thought you said you already had a potential Damon: I did, but he ended up being potentially a problem, so... Shane: There's nothing I can do to help you Damon: Hmm. Well, why don't you help me with this? Why are you here? What's in your little lesson plan there, Professor? Shane: You think too highly of me, Damon. I'm gonna go find the other judges Damon: Hey, no pity votes for April young, ok? I mean, just because her dad blew up a house with a dozen people in it doesn't mean she should get a tiara. But you knew him, didn't you? Because I hear you two racked up a pretty impressive phone bill Shane: If you want to know something about me, Damon, just ask Damon: Okay. How did you convince the pastor to kill all those people? Shane: Did you just accuse me of mass murder in the middle of a High School pageant? (Damon smiles and they look at each other. Carol takes the stage) Carol: Welcome to this season's miss Mystic Falls. We are so excited to showcase our most outstanding community leaders in the making (Everyone applaud) [Lockwood's Cellar] (Jeremy enters and rejoins Stefan) Jeremy: What am I doing here? Stefan: Getting the chance to make your sister human again. You interested? Jeremy: You have no idea Stefan: Actually, I do (Jeremy enters and sees a man chained up) Jeremy: Who is that? Stefan: Oh, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that you're a vampire hunter and he's a vampire. Well, almost Jeremy: Was this all so I could stake him? Stefan: Do you think I want to do this, Jeremy? Look at me. I hate this. I don't want to do this, but your sister isn't supposed to be a vampire, and we need to help her. He's a murderer, and he will gladly kill again, so do it, Jeremy. Kill him Jeremy: Stefan, what are you doing?! What the hell is wrong with you? Stefan: Do it, Jeremy, or I will rip the chains off for real. Do it! (Jeremy kills him) Stefan: All right, enough. He's dead [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline is bussing tables. She rejoins one of the waiters and puts the glass on his tray) Caroline: Hey, why am I bussing your tables? I said no empty glasses (Then she goes to the musicians) Caroline: Will you guys pick up the tempo? This is a pageant, not a funeral (Klaus rejoins her, in a suit) Klaus: And how am I doing? Caroline: You're... perfect. Just so beyond annoying, I can't even look at you (He smiles and then sees Tyler and Haley arriving together) Klaus: They didn't waste any time, did they? Caroline: Let's just get today over with (Haley looks at the tiara and makes fun of the pageant) Haley: I can't believe that I won. I just want to thank the judges for seeing past the fact that I'm a raging bitch Tyler: You don't want to do that. Those girls will cut you. They have nails Haley: I have claws (Caroline gives a speech. The girls are waiting in line) Caroline: Hi, everyone. I'm Caroline Forbes. As the reigning miss Mystic Falls, it is my honor to introduce this year's miss mystic court! (Everyone applause and cheer) Caroline: We begin the procession with Valerie fell, accompanied by Dylan Clark (Applause) Caroline: Next we have Amber Wolverton, accompanied by Hector Linsey. And here's Michelle Cunningham... (Elena applause and Matt rejoins her) Matt: Have you seen Jeremy? Elena: He's probably with the escorts Matt: Caroline told me to wrangle the escorts. He's not here. Did he tell you about his nightmares? Elena: What nightmares? Matt: The ones where he kills you Caroline: Katherine Wilson, accompanied by Eric Hanson Elena: I'll find him, but... April's about to get abandoned Matt: I got this Caroline: And finally... Elena: Thanks Caroline: And finally... We have a last-minute entry... April young, accompanied by Jeremy Gilbert (April goes down the stairs and Matt steps forward. She rejoins him) Matt: Jeremy's running late April: I guess you'll do Matt: You lead (She takes her phone. Caroline rejoins her) Caroline: Hey, what's with the last-minute escort change? .Where is Jeremy? Elena: I'm calling him right now. He's not picking up (Damon rejoins them) Damon: Do the math. Emo teen. Open bar. It's fine Elena: Matt said that Jeremy's been having nightmares about killing vampires and he's been hiding it from me Damon: Relax. I'm sure he's fine Elena: I don't know. I have a bad feeling Damon: If I'm not worried, you shouldn't be worried. Let it go. I'll go look for him Elena: Okay (He leaves) Caroline: Ok. You go home. I'm gonna start asking around here Elena: Maybe Damon's right. Maybe he grabbed a bottle from the bar and snuck off to the woods Caroline: No. Damon's never right. Damon is sneaky and manipulative and rude, but he's never right. How can you not see that? Elena: I don't know, but why do I think that you won't hesitate to tell me? Caroline: Fine. Friend-tervention. I think your so-called feelings for Damon are really starting to cloud your judgment, and I don't like it, and the thought of you two together really makes me want to barf (Klaus rejoins them) Klaus: Easy, love. You're making a scene Elena: Wow. Caroline, thank you for making this very difficult time so much easier (She leaves) Caroline: How did I become the bad guy? Klaus: Let's get you a drink. I'll tell you all about being the bad guy (Damon is in the dressing room, on the phone) Damon: Please don't tell me that you've roped Jeremy into a world of crazy Stefan: I had no choice. Elena needs a cure Damon: Oh, right. So you can turn her back into the girl who's still in love with you Stefan: You know, I get why you wouldn't want to believe it, Damon, but she isn't herself anymore Damon: Of course you would think that. Leave it alone, Stefan [SCENE_BREAK] [Lockwood's Cellar] (Stefan hangs up and looks at Jeremy) Stefan: How far did the Mark grow? Show me on this drawing Jeremy: Sorry, Stefan. I can't trust you Stefan: How far is it, Jeremy? Jeremy: I said I can't Stefan: Answer me, or I will make you answer me Jeremy: I'm not telling you anything (Stefan catches him and compels him) Stefan: What does the mark look like? (Jeremy stakes him in the guts) Jeremy: I guess I can't be compelled anymore [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline and Klaus are walking) Caroline: It's just, as her best friend, it is my duty to warn her when she's making a giant mistake, right? And now she's taking Damon's side on everything. Klaus: So being a vampire has changed her Caroline: But being a vampire only amplifies who you already are. It doesn't turn you into a completely different person Klaus: Very peculiar Caroline: What's that look for? Klaus: It'll all make sense eventually Caroline: Whatever. Just hurry up and find the cure Klaus: I'm working on it Caroline: Would you ever take it? Klaus: Now, why would I want to cure myself of being the most powerful creature on the planet, hmm? Caroline: So there's not one single moment in your whole life that you wanted to be human Klaus: How about you? Life used to be a lot easier. Don't you miss the days of being... "Chair of the Mystic Falls beautification committee" and the "director of the policemen's yearly raffle"? Caroline: Is that my miss mystic application? Where did you get that? Klaus: "When I am chosen, I intend to redefine excellence"... Now, I'm really enjoying your use of "when" here. It's very confident. And above all, I promise to aspire, inspire, and perspire." Obviously, we found a shortage of words ending in "spire." Caroline: Yeah. It's very funny. It's hilarious. Just... (Damon is watching Shane and Haley. Tyler arrives) Damon: Oh, hey. How do those two know each other? Tyler: They don't. Paranoid much? Damon: The council just got burned to a crisp. Some mysterious hunters just blew through town, and this guy just happens to know everything about everything. Yes, paranoid (Jeremy is in the dressing room. April enters) April: Hey, where have you been? Jeremy: Hey, sorry. I got stuck at work April: Jeremy, if you were too chicken to do the dance thingy, then you should've just told me Jeremy: No, no. I knew the dance. I watched some lesson online, like, 100 times April: You did? (He sees Shane) Jeremy: Hey, what's that Shane guy doing here? April: He's a judge. I talked to him about my dad. I mean, he said that he never seemed depressed or suicidal or anything, so... Jeremy: Your dad? April: Yeah. You know, I figured I'd explore every possibility, even the bleak ones. What are you looking at? Jeremy: Your dad was doing the right thing for this town. The whole council was. They died heroes (Shane is alone. Damon rejoins him) Shane: Oh, you again. I must be the least intimidating mass murderer ever Damon: Well, you still never gave me a name, and it's kind of urgent Shane: Listen. There is no other name. Look. At any given moment, there are 5 hunters in existence, all right? Most of them have no idea who they are or what their purpose is. Means finding more than one in a lifetime is next to impossible. Heh. Subtle Damon: Like you didn't already know. You have 5 seconds to give me another name, or you die Shane: You know, since it's generally unwise for a vampire to seek out a hunter, it means you're interested in the mark. That's probably because of where it leads, but here's the thing. Even if you complete the mark and you get the map, the thing that you're looking for is sealed with a spell only a certain kind of witch can perform Damon: What kind of witch? Shane: Come on, Damon (Damon catches his arm) Damon: I love pressure points. What kind of witch? Shane: Come on. You're a big boy. You can figure this one out Damon: A Bennett witch Shane: Aren't too many of those lying around, as I'm sure you know. So none of this matter until Bonnie is back in touch with her magic. Between the two of us, who do you think she trusts to help her get there? 5 seconds are up unless you just realized you need me alive. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a scholarship to award Carol: And now the moment you've been waiting for. Caroline, would you do the honors? Caroline: This year's miss Mystic Falls is... April young (Elena rejoins Jeremy in the dressing room. He has a stake in his hand) Elena: Hey, where have you been? What are you doing with that? Put it down Jeremy: Connor was right. All I can think about is killing vampires Elena: You're nothing like Connor Jeremy: I want to believe that, and I know I don't want to hurt you, but everything inside of me is telling me to drive this stake through your heart Elena: Why would you say that? It's me, Jeremy Jeremy: And you're a vampire Elena: Yeah, but I'm also your sister. I would never do anything to hurt you. Get it away from me (She pushes him. He falls on the floor. She goes toward him) Elena: Jere... Jeremy. Jer, wake up. Please wake up (He stabs her in the neck. He's about to kill her but Matt enters) Matt: Jeremy! Matt: Jeremy, you don't want to do this, ok? That's your sister. It's that stupid Mark on your arm Jeremy: Shut up, Matt! Matt: Jeremy, look at me. I'm human, and I'm telling you not to hurt her (Stefan intervenes) Stefan: Get out of here, Matt! (Matt and Jeremy leave. Stefan rejoins Elena) Stefan: Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it (Haley and Tyler are sitting on the stairs, drinking) Haley: Your mom parties harder than you do. Does she have the gene? Tyler: Dad. What about your parents? Haley: Never met them. My adoptive parents found out about my wolf gene when I did, the night that I turned and tore apart their living room. Promptly kicked me out Tyler: You never told me how it triggered Haley: You mean, who I killed? Boating accident. We were drunk. I thought I wasn't Tyler: So what's with you chatting up all these old-timers, huh... my mom, that Professor guy Haley: That Professor guy is, like, 30, and he's hot and smart Tyler: You know him or something? Haley: No. I just met him. Why? Tyler: No reason (Caroline and Klaus are talking) Klaus: I never answered your question, if I'd ever thought about being human. Once. I was on a trek in the Andes, and a hummingbird flew up to me and just hovered there staring at me. Its tiny heart was pattering like a machine gun... And I thought, "What a thing, you know, to have to work that hard every day just to stay alive, to be constantly on the verge of death," and how satisfying every day must be that it survived... And that was the only time I thought about being human (Tyler has heard everything) Haley: What's he saying? Tyler: A bunch of bs about being human. The sooner we get rid of this guy, the better (Elena is leaving. Stefan catches up with her) Stefan: Elena, wait Elena: I have to find Jeremy. This shouldn't be happening to him Stefan: Elena, wait. It's my fault Elena: What are you talking about? Stefan: I'm starting to think that when a hunter kills a vampire, their urge to keep killing grows stronger Elena: Tell me that Jeremy hasn't been with you this entire time. Tell me that you haven't been making him kill vampires, Stefan Stefan: We need the map to get the cure Elena: If getting my humanity back means stripping Jeremy of his, then I don't want the cure Stefan: He's the only way to fix all of this Elena: You mean me, the only way to fix me. You don't have to love me like this. This is who I am now. The old Elena died when she went off that bridge. Let her go [Gilbert's House] (Jeremy is packing some stuff. Matt enters) Matt: What are you doing? Jeremy: I can't keep living here if I want to kill my sister Matt: Elena knows that. That's why she moved out and asked me to move in Jeremy: What? Matt: Look, I'm not one of them, Jer. I'll keep an eye on you, and we can keep this hunter business in check Jeremy: Where's Elena gonna go? [Salvatore's House] (Damon opens the door to Elena) Elena: I can't stay at home anymore Stefan: Pick a room. I'll crash somewhere else [A barn] (The hybrid is lying on the ground. Tyler is there) Hybrid: Tell me it's over, Ty. I really don't think I can do this anymore Tyler: It's over. Nice work. We are one step closer to ending this [Whitmore's College] (Haley looks at her phone and smiles) Haley: We got another one Shane: Good. We're almost ready Haley: I want to leave Tyler out of this when it all goes down Shane: We'll talk when you've broken the last [Salvatore's House] (Elena is sitting on the couch. Damon gives her a glass of scotch) Elena: Ah, thanks Damon: Just being polite. Thought you hated whiskey Elena: My brother wants to kill me Damon: Welcome to the club Elena: Jeremy can't live with me, Stefan wants to fix me, and Caroline flat out admitted that she doesn't like me this way. Think it's safe to say that I'm not so great at this vampire thing Damon: You want to know what I think? I don't think I've ever seen you more alive Elena: That dance that they did today kind of reminded me of when... Damon: when we danced together? Elena: I wanted to dance with you today [Caroline's House] (Stefan is pouring alcohol in two glasses) Stefan: Elena is right. I just need to let go Caroline: No. You're right, Stefan. It's not pretty, and it's not easy, but you can't give up on her Stefan: Caroline, she looked me in the eye, and she told me to move on Caroline: She's lost, ok? You and her... epic. Her and Damon... ugh, God. There's something wrong with her. Just promise me you won't stop looking for the cure Stefan: Klaus won't let me, even if I wanted to Caroline: What does he care? He doesn't even want it Stefan: He wants to keep Elena human so that he can make more hybrids Caroline: He's gonna need them. Tyler has almost got all of them unsired. Oh, my God. Oh... My... God. Ugh. I was trying to understand why Klaus was so intrigued by Damon and Elena. He said I would figure it out. This is what he was talking about Stefan: What are you talking about? Caroline: Think about it. Every time Elena has had a problem, Damon has been the magic solution. Today Elena was worried about Jeremy. Who swoops in and tells her to relax? Damon and she listens. When Elena started feeding, who said that she could only drink blood straight from the vein? Stefan: Damon Caroline: And when she tried to drink from animals? Stefan: Couldn't keep it down Caroline: And blood bags? Stefan: Same thing Caroline: Name one vampire in the history of vampires who couldn't drink blood from a blood bag. Damon said she couldn't, so she couldn't. Damon likes the red dress, Elena likes the red dress Stefan: Damon says kill Connor, she kills Connor Caroline: What if it's possible? Damon's blood made her a vampire, right? It's rare but it happens. What if this is really happening? Stefan: Elena is sired to Damon

The Miss Mystic Falls pageant is back, and Elena and Caroline help April find something to wear. Meanwhile, Caroline calls Stefan and Stefan tells Caroline about Elena's feelings for Damon, which Caroline objects to. Klaus shows up shortly afterwards, questioning Stefan's trust in him. Damon and Stefan's relationship is even more strained, but they continue their search for the cure to vampirism for Elena's sake. Caroline and Elena are suspicious of Shane, who Damon decides to confront. Ever since awakening as a hunter, Jeremy has been having nightmares in which he kills Elena. Stefan uses criminals to create vampires for Jeremy to use to complete his tattoo. Hayley and Tyler work to break the sire bond of Klaus' hybrids. Caroline is stressed by a favor she owes Klaus- a date, which Klaus convinces Caroline to let him escort her to the Miss Mystic Pageant. Klaus manipulates her into feeling jealous of Hayley and Tyler's friendship, while also charming her. She asks if he ever wanted to be human again, and Klaus shares with her that he considered being human momentarily while looking at a hummingbird and contemplated the fragility of mortality and how struggling to stay alive would make every day you're living that much more meaningful. Caroline bonds with Klaus as Tyler jealously looks on with Hayley. Jeremy's hunter instinct- a hatred of vampires- develops to the point that he attacks Stefan. Damon asks why Shane showed up in Mystic Falls in the first place causing Shane to reveal that he is a vampire. Jeremy arrives at the pageant and attacks Elena, nearly killing her. She is rescued by Stefan and Matt. Stefan reveals to Elena he provided vampires for Jeremy to kill, to which she replies that she doesn't want her humanity back if it costs her brother his. Matt moves into her house and Elena decides to stay in the Salvatore House. Stefan then decides to leave, unable to stay in the same house as Elena. It is eventually revealed that Shane and Hayley are working together to break the sire bond with Klaus's hybrids. Later, Elena has a talk with Damon, which leads to a dance between the two and passionate sex afterwards, all while Caroline and Stefan figure out that Elena is sired to Damon.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x10

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x10_0

Ted (V.O.): Kids, there's nothing more wonderful than New York City in the winter... except the view of New York City in the winter through your apartment window.In the winter of 2006, Marshall, Lily, Robin and I were all deep in couple hibernation mode. Sadly, this left Uncle Barney out in the cold. Barney comes into the apartment. Barney: Okay. All-night rave, abandoned tire factory in Newark. We're on the list. Who's in? Ted: - Nope. Robin: - No. Later, Barney comes back.. Barney: Private jet. Teeterboro Airport, skinny-skydiving. Who's in? Ted: - Nope. Marshall, lily, Robin: - No, thanks. And again... Barney: One beer. Bar, downstairs, 15 second walk. Who's in? Marshall: Shh... Lily went sleepy-bye. Ted (voix off): It got so bad, Barney tried to be his own wingman. Barney is at the bar talking to a girl Barney: Hi. Have you met me? Ted (voix off): Finally, he decided to bring in reinforcements. Barney comes into the apartment. Tous: - No. Barney: Yes. And do you know why? Hang on to your bedsores, grandparents from Willy Wonka, because guess who's on his way up to this apartment right now? My... wait for it... brother, James. React. Tous: - Hey! Robin: - You have a brother? Barney: - Yeah. He's the awesome-est, most best looking-est, greatest guy ever. Lily: He's exactly like Barney. Barney: That's what I just said. Ted: Well, Barney and his brother aren't exactly alike. James is gay. Robin: Really? I never in a million years would I picture you with a gay brother, that's awesome. Ted: Yeah. I just wanted you to have a heads up, so you don't act all surprised when he gets here. Someone knock on the door and Barney opens Barney Here he is. James: What up, New York. Robin: Thanks for the heads up. G n rique Robin: How in God's name did it never come up that Barney has a gay, black brother? Ted: Is he black? I guess I'm the kind of person that focuses on who people are on the inside rather than the color of their skin. I'm kidding, I just wanted to see your face. Marshall: Yeah, so now the wedding's back on. Lily: Anyway, James, how have you been? James: Awesome, as per "yoozh." I just went skinny-skydiving. Legendary. And my laser tag team, just made it to regional finals."Legendarier." And by now you've noticed the suit. go 'head, touch it. Handcrafted by Pietro Dellacamera, Milan's famous 101-year-old tailor who upon completing the very last stitch in this suit dropped dead, which is ironic because that is how gorgeous I look in it. C'mon. Gimme five. Barney: Is "gimme five" back? James: Oh, yeah. I put it in my blog this morning. Barney: Guys, "gimme five" is back! Ted: Oh, James, this is my girlfriend, Robin. Robin: - Hey. It's so nice to meet you. James: - You, too. Robin: So, I have to ask, there's a story here. Barney and James: Please. Flashback - In 1982, Barney and James are kids and are sitting on the cough. Ted (voix off): The truth is, Barney and James got a lot of... different explanations from their mom over the years. Mere: Well, boys, you look different because when I was pregnant with you, I only ate vanilla ice cream. And when I was pregnant with you, can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate? James: - Coffee? Mere: - No, James, I ate chocolate ice cream. But I did drink tons of coffee when I was pregnant with both of you. Can't smoke without my coffee. In 1984 Mere: I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things. In 1986 Mere: Stop asking me! You know what you two are? You're little racists! End of Flashback Ted: So what are you guys gonna do tonight? Barney: I'll tell you what James is gonna do. He's gonna do the job you've been neglecting. And, as always, he'll do it a lot better than you ever did. Ted... James is my wingman now. Ted: Okay. Marshall: Last time James was in town, Barney got slapped once, lucky twice, and... whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in? James: Ah, public figure, confidentiality agreement. But I will say this: way more back hair than any guy who can afford laser hair removal should have. Lily: And then there was the time they scored the brother/sister combo. Barney: It was everything we ever dreamed of when watching Donnie and Marie. She was a little bit country. James: He was a little bit way into black guys. Tes (voix off): Yeah, Barney and James together was a lethal combination. Since there was never any crossover in targets, James was always there for Barney with the assist. Flashbach. James and Barney are et the bar. James: Whoa. Your scarf... it is fierce! Women: Thanks. H & M. James: What? I would never know, 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. Oh, I can't see. Hey! You know, speaking of things that would look good wrapped around you, have you met my straight brother, Barney? Oh, he is fab--don't you go nowhere-- "ulous." Okay? Ted (voix off): And Barney always returned the favor. Barney: Help, I don't think he's breathing. Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth? Man: Oh, my God, I do! Barney: Okay, great. How 'bout you instead? End of flashback. Barney: Oh, man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever since I have been around anyone even remotely fun. Uh, yes offense. James: You guys are still going out with us tonight, right? Ted: - No. Lily: - Jammies. Marshall: Tonight? It's after 9:00 and...I have warm soup belly. James: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Guys... you are young, attractive people here in the greatest city on earth. There are boys and girls in Nobody Cares, Wyoming, wishing they could be here. But instead, they are in someone's basement drinking bad malt liquor, debating whether or not they're going to spend their Saturday night in the parking lot of the feed store or in some other dude's basement. You owe it to them to rise up and shimmy your lazy asses into something hot, and you go out there and you live their dream!- Can I get a "hell, yeah"? Tous: - Hell, yeah! James: Can I get a "hell, yeah"? Tous: - Hell, yeah! James: Can I get a "woo-woo"? Tous: - Woo-woo! James: Go do it for Wyoming! Tous: Yes! James: Testify! Ted (voix off): So that night, Barney got his wish. We all went out. They get into a bar. Barney: Daddy's home! Yeah. All right, bro. What do you like? Guy in super tight black T? Super tight black guy? Guy who looks like Mr. T? James: Mmm, yes, yes, and... talk to me after two martinis. Let's focus on you, my man. Barney: I'm feeling lazy. How 'bout girl with the chocolatini? James: Oh... boom, back tattoo. Hero and the pig? Barney: - Let's ride. James: - Fo' 'sho. Damn baby, nice tramp stamp! Women: - Get off me, you pig! Barney: - Hey! Hey! Her body art is not an invitation to grope her, it's an expression of her inner self. I'm sure, in many ways, she is the dolphin encircled by flowers. James: - What? What? Barney: - What? What? James: Cool. Barney: Let me know if he bothers you again. Women: Thanks. You should stay close... just in case. Barney: Sure. If it'll make you feel safer. I'm Barney. Ted (voix off): Now, kids, when you're out at a noisy, crowded bar, you can always tell the difference between the singles and the couples. You just have to look for the signs. James: - Break. Barney: - Boiling hot. Ted (voix off): Singles stay on their feet for maneuverability. James: - Hey! - Hi, how are ya? James and Barney: Have you met my brother? Barney: Oh, hello. Have a drink. James: Nice to meet ya. Ted (voix off): Couples, exhausted by the sheer act of leaving the house, are obsessed with finding a place to sit down. There are a lot of other indicators, too. From choice of social lubricant...to basic body language. But the point is, there are many ways to tell whether someone has Single Stamina or Couples Coma. James: I wish I would've worn sneakers. I just got finished running from some fat, hairy guy who was periscoping out of his pleather pants. Permission to come aboard denied. Lily: I miss my jammies. I can't believe I wore a bra for this. Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural. Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo. Man: Well, why don't you take it off then and let those puppies breathe? Lily: Oh, please go sweat on someone else. Marshall: Poor guy. Lily: Poor guy? Poor my boobs. Marshall: Well, it takes a lot of guts to approach a girl and you just crushed him. Lily: Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks all broken up inside. Robin: Whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end. Ted: "Oh, poor me. I'm a pretty girl and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have s*x with me." Waa. Marshall: "Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, but can't order because they'll be made fun of." Ted: - Dude. Marshall: - They're delicious! Man: Excuse me. Join me in a shot? James: Oh, no thanks. I've had enough. He's too in shape, we'd spend all night talking about his body fat content. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a yummy, pink drink with fruit in it... because I can. Lily: You know, that was, like, the third hot guy that James blew off tonight. Marshall: Yeah, he's turning down shots, he's yawning, he's whining about his feet. He's as bad as we are. Ted: He is. Wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. You guys don't think that James is... in a relationship? Robin: No. There's no way. He's Barney's brother. Marshall: Look at that. He's texting! Ted: Oh, my God! He is in a couple. Lily: This is gonna kill Barney. Barney: What's gonna kill me? What's going on? Marshall: B-Barney? Have you noticed anything...different about James? Barney: No. I mean, he's glowing from his peel, if that's what you mean. Ted: We have reason to believe that James is, uh, maybe hiding something from you. I-I know you're not gonna like hearing this, but... Barney... your brother is...monogamous. Barney: That's ridiculous! Just because he's a little sleepy, and he hasn't had s*x with anyone in a bathroom stall... He hasn't had s*x with anyone in a bathroom stall. Robin: And, Barney... I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... he's texting. Barney: No, he... No! That... is impossible. Excuse... Excuse... Ex... James: Hey, bro. Barney: Don't change the subject. Let me see your phone. James: Why? Barney: I just want to see your phone. Let me see your phone. James: No, it's just a phone. It's just a phone! And it's got Internet access, and it's got a camera on it, and you can surf the Web and do the whole thing. It's so amazing how far technology has come. What kind of phone do you have? Barney: I got... Who is this? And the answer better be: "I don't remember his name." James: That is Tom. And he's my fianc . [SCENE_BREAK] James meets Barney at McLaren's James: Hey. Barney: I don't support this. James: Gay marriage? Barney: Not gay marriage-- marriage! How can you do this?We were raised in the same house, with the same values! James: Believe me, I fought this for a long time. Come on, it's embarrassing. Look, this felt unnatural to me, too, at first. But I fell in love. And Tom and I realized you can't fight love. Barney: Oh, God. Is that what you two do together? You sit around the house and talk about love? I think... I'm gonna be sick. James: Okay, okay, look,I need you to wrap your head around this, okay? Because it is happening. And I want you to be my best man. Barney: What? No way. James: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you change your mind. James leaves Barney. Three girls come in, one of them with a bridal veil. Woman: Two beers, one shot. Barney: Oh, it's a freaking epidemic. Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin are at the apartment. Lily: Oh, sweetie! Did you make that for me? Marshall: Yes. Barney: Clam Bake. Staten Island. Who's in? Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one. Okay, here's my thing. If gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works. They start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like now everyone gets manicures. Ted: I don't get manicures. Barney: Okay, then like how... Like getting your chest waxed. Lily: You get your chest waxed? Barney: You know what I mean! Gay marriage is going to cause single life, as we know it, to die out. Think of how the American family will be strengthened. Marshall: Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this. Barney: No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom. Marshall: Just because James is getting married doesn't mean things are going to change. Barney: Yeah. Like things haven't changed with you people. Ted: Look, my sister married a guy I didn't like. Sandals and socks--come on, buddy. But I took her out, we celebrated. It was the right thing to do. You got to support him. Barney: You're right, Ted. This is a cause for celebration. We need to take him out and celebrate the commitment he and Tom are about to make. Barney and james arrive at a gay bar with Marshall, lily, Ted and Robin. James: Yeah. This is where we're celebrating the commitment that Tom and I are about to make? Barney: What? Yeah! See, that cage represents your commitment. Marshall: Oh, my God. Freedom has never tasted so delicious. Man: Hey. You work out? Marshall: I do. And thank you for noticing. You're obviously in very good shape yourself. Man: Well, I try. So you want to dance? Marshall: You know what? I'm very flattered, and, objectively, you're a very attractive man, but this is actually my fianc e. Man: I'm sorry. You know, I saw your drink and I... Marshall: No, no, this isn't my drink. This is hers. Lily: No, it isn't. Man: Whatever. How 'bout you? Ted: Oh, I'm straight, too. But I thank you for your time, and I appreciate your interest in my body. Marshall: You see that? Being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. I feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity. Man: Hey, I really like your sweater. Robin: Wow. You actually do, don't you? You're not checking out my boobs or anything. Man: My name's Gay Ken, what do you think? Robin: I love this place! Let's dance! Lily: - And not be groped! Robin: - Whoo! Thank you. Man(looking at Ted)- Damn. Ted: - Thank you! Marshall: - We're hot. Ted: - Totally. James: And then Tom says to the dealer that the handmade Georgian clock has a chip on the corner. Blam, we get that puppy half price. What up?! Bam! Barney: Sounds like you really rocked that arts and crafts fair. James: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Hey, oh, my God. This is so liberating, being able to talk about this to you. I cannot wait for you to meet Tom. Barney: And I cannot wait for you to meet my good friend... this guy. Excuse me, do you know anyone who would like to buy my incredibly muscular, fun, large-handed brother a drink? James: Eh, eh, eh, let's focus on you, Barnaby. Okay. All right. I spy a group of women who have let their defenses down because they are in a gay club. You see that chick right there? She looks like she'd fall for sports agent and football player. Barney: Okay, I'm in. Which one am I? James: Please. Barney: He's very shy, loves tennis and Brazil, and drops his pants after three dirty martinis. Now go, man, go! Marshall: I just never thought I'd see Barney so vulnerable. Ted: Well, I guess no one wants to feel like they're going through the world alone. Man: Look at me, in a yummy sandwich! Marshall: Okay, we're actually right in the middle of something right now, so... Man: Ooh, I know what I want to be in the middle of. Thoughts? Ted: God, can't two straight guys come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno and good conversation without being bothered? Robin: How's it going, guys? Still enjoying the attentions of men? Marshall: That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. It's like, hello, my eyes are up here. Ted: And it's never the hot ones. It's always the losers. Bums me out! Lily: Looks like the boys learned their lesson. Do you totally miss being hit on? Robin: Oh, totally. Let's go find a sports bar. Barney: James, James, since you like arts and crafts, look at what Charles here made with cherry stems. He did it with his tongue. Yeah. James: Barney. Barney: So, Charles, why don't you put your number in my brother's phone, and once he's in a funner mood... James: Barney, Barney, I don't want his number. I don't want anyone's number, okay? I'm getting married. Charles: Wow.- Best of luck to you both. James: - Thank you. Charles: My number's in here. I'm very discreet. James: Okay, okay, excuse me. Barney, family talk. Okay, dude, you have got to stop this, okay? I know that my getting married is threatening to your way of life... Barney: Oh, so now it's my way of life? I thought it was our way of life. You've completely turned your back on it. Look at you, not even suited up. Do you remember why we suit up, James? James: To get laid. Barney: To show people that we are different from the millions of T-shirt and jeans lemmings out there. The suit shows that we are a force to be reckoned with, a two-person army that plays by its own rules. But you've taken off the uniform, you've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. It's not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! You don't have to do this, bro! James: - Yes, I do. Barney: - Why?! James: Because Tom and I are gonna have a baby. Barney: What? There's gonna be a baby? James: Yes. We're adopting. Barney: Oh, my God. I'm gonna be an uncle? James: For the rest of your life. Ted (voix off) And that's how Barney became Uncle Barney. A year later, at James's wedding, Barney could not have been more proud. At James's wedding Barney: To James and Tom. May you have a long and happy life together. And may I always have the skin and libido of a much younger man.- Cheers. Tous: - Cheers. Barney: Thanks. I decided to leave out the hetero college phase. No one wants to hear about that. Lily: It was perfect. You even made Tom's dad cry. Might have been doing that because he's a Republican. Marshall: Whoa. It's 9:00. We should be getting back. You guys want to split a cab? Ted: Uh, no, I think I'm gonna stay a little bit longer. Robin: Yeah, me, too. I'm not tired at all. Marshall: All right, well, it's getting late. Got to get the wife home. Lily: Oh, stop calling me that. It makes me sound fat. Barney: Ugh, it's a freaking epidemic. Ted and Robin get up to dance. Barney: - May I? James: - Yeah. James stands un and leaves the baby with Barney. Barney: Hey, buddy. Your parents are married. Now, listen, you. Just because you're being raised by married people doesn't mean you have to choose that lifestyle. High-five. Luckily, you got me. In 20 and a half years, you'll be 21, and I will be... Well, I haven't decided how old I'll be yet. But we are gonna bro out, uncle and nephew style. Stick with me, kid. I am gonna teach you how to live. Great suit, by the way. Who is the cutest? Barney talks with a woman. Rosa: I don't get it. Tom liked my breasts in tenth grade. Why doesn't he like them now? Why? Barney: Rosa, why always be attracted to the unavailable ones? Why not accept the fact that you're a beautiful woman who is worthy of love? Are you brave enough to hear that? You... She kisses Barney.

Barney's brother James ( Wayne Brady ) visits and Robin, the only one in the group who's never met him, is surprised. But James has a surprise for Barney that he finds hard to accept.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_01x02

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_01x02_0

Narrator (William Petersen): Previously on C.S.I. ... [Scenes from 1X01: Pilot] [INT. GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (HOLLY GRIBBS gasps and jumps in surprise.) Gil Grissom: Hi, sorry. Welcome to Forensics. Gil Grissom, I'm your supervisor on grayayard. Holly Gribbs: Holly Gribbs. (The shake hands. She exhales with relief and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JIM BRASS' OFFICE - NIGHT] (In CAPT JIM BRASS' office, GRISSOM takes a seat on the couch near the window, HOLLY remains standing in front of his desk.) Jim Brass: (angry) Well, congratulations, Gribbs. You're the fifth person I've been forced to hire. Holly Gribbs: Well, that's not fair. Jim Brass: Putting a juiced-in Lieutenant's daughter on the shift is fair? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT] Holly Gribbs: I'm fulfilling her dreams, not mine. Catherine Willows: I can sit here, and I can baby you and I can tell you to quit, but I'm not going to do that at least until you've solved your first, and if, after that, you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BRASS' OFFICE - MORNING] Jim Brass: Grissom! (GRISSOM, standing out in the hallway, turns and heads for the office.) Jim Brass: Have Warrick shadow Gribbs for the next three weeks or until Nicky makes his 100th, whatever comes first. Warrick: People walk every day because of you. Gil Grissom: That's enough. Warrick, let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] [HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM talks with WARRICK Gil Grissom: The minute you started thinking about yourself instead of the case, you lost him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PATHFINDER - MORNING] Warrick Brown: You be okay on your own? Holly Gribbs: Are you kidding? I'm fired up, ready to go. Besides, there's an officer here. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. JUDGE COHEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT] Warrick Brown: I'm sorry, Judge. Captain Brass wouldn't call you for a search warrant. I got a whopper on the line with a 100 pound test. Judge Cohen: You got a winner for me? Warrick Brown: Favre. Judge Cohen: You put $5,000 down on the Pack for me I'll give you a blank warrant. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM] Gil Grissom: Congratulations, Nicky, my boy. You are now a C.S.I. Level three. Nick Stokes: Woo! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PATHFINDER OUTSIDE THE PARLAY HUT - MORNING] Warrick Brown: (to radio) Woo-hoo! Yeah! I'll be right there. (He puts the radio down.) Warrick Brown: Uh, give me 'Niners for five dimes. (WARRICK hands the CLERK a stack of cash.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RESIDENCE - SUMMERLIN - DAY] (Just after they arrested the HUSBAND and while GRISSOM and WARRICK stand out in the front yard watching the arrest.) Gil Grissom: Weren't you supposed to be shadowing holly? Warrick Brown: Oh. She's cool. She's doing prints on that 4-0-7. There's an officer there. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MARTIN LUTHER KING RESIDENCE - MORNING] (HOLLY is dusting for prints.) Jerrod Cooper: Excuse me, miss. (She gasps and turns around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - MORNING] Jim Brass: Holly Gribbs has been shot. They don't think she's going to make it. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL CASINO - MAIN FLOOR -- NIGHT] (The camera pans around the busy casino floor.) (A Young Man and Young Woman hesitantly walk along the casino floor. JAMIE spots the large $40 Million MegaMillion Jackpot sign.) Jamie: Hey, look. Oh, $40 million. Could you imagine? Ted Sallenger: Never happen. You got a better chance of going to the moon. Jamie: Oh, give me a $20. Hurry! I just got a premonition. Ted Sallenger: You got your own money. Go play. Jamie: But I left my purse in the room. (TED SALLENGER takes out a twenty, but doesn't give it to her.) Ted Sallenger: I'll play. Wait here. (He sighs and heads for the slot machine.) Clerk: (to TED) Is this your slot card? Ted Sallenger: No. (The CLERK takes the card and leaves. TED looks over at JAMIE and without looking, turns the handle to the machine. JAMIE cranes her neck from the side to see his results.) (TED turns the handle again.) Ted Sallenger: Your little premonition has cost me $20. Happy now? Here. (For a third time, TED turns the handle again. Without even looking or waiting for it to stop, TED leaves the machine and heads back to JAMIE.) Ted Sallenger: (sarcastically) Watch out. Here come the millions. (JAMIE watches as the machine stops on the three jackpot dollar signs. She starts screaming with excitement.) Jamie: (pointing and screaming) Oh, my God! (Sirens start blaring. JAMIE jumps into TED'S arms.) (The sirens continue to blare and JAMIE screams.) Jamie: We won! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL MONACO - MAIN CASINO AREA - LATER] (TED holds up a large check for $40,002,349.00 over his head. JAMIE stands next to TED. She's still screaming with excitement. TED shakes the Hotel Owner's hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORRIDOR - HOTEL MONACO -- NIGHT] (ELIAS leads TED SALLENGER and JAMIE down the hallway toward their room.) Elias Templeton: $40 million. You'll be having lobster tonight. (TED tries to put the card key in the lock, but can't do it.) Jamie: (puts her arms around TED) They gave us the presidential suite. Can you believe it? Elias Templeton: Here, Richard Gere, why don't you let me help you with that? (ELIAS chuckles, then opens the room door. The lock beeps and the door opens.) Ted Sallenger: Thank you. (JAMIE rushes into the room. TED takes the large promotional check from ELIAS and follows her inside.) [INT. PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT] (JAMIE runs across the room for the balcony. TED puts the fake check aside and takes off his t-shirt.) Jamie: Oh! Look at our view! (JAMIE opens the balcony doors and looks outside. TED joins her and stops behind her.) Jamie: Wow! [EXT. BALCONY - PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT] Ted Sallenger: (quietly) Take a hike. (JAMIE can't believe what she just heard.) Ted Sallenger: Get lost. (She turns around to look at TED.) Jamie: Excuse me? Ted: Come on, Jamie. I'm a millionaire now. Now, why would I want to waste anymore time with you? (There's a knock at the front door. They both turn to look at the door.) Voice Outside: (o.s.) Room service? WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL MONACO - FRONT SIDEWALK - MORNING] (GRISSOM approaches the scene. He's on the phone.) Gil Grissom: (to phone) All right, the minute you hear anything on Holly Gribbs's condition I want you to page me. (He ducks under the crime scene tape.) Gil Grissom: (to phone) All right? Bye. (He hangs up.) Dispatcher: (from b.g. radio) ... Call back at 4-7-7 Desert Inn Road. Gil Grissom: So he pulled a "Louganis", huh? Detective Barns: Yeah, 150 feet. The giga-millions curse strikes again. Past four winners ended up dead or missing. What do you think, Grissom? It's a conspiracy. Gil Grissom: Coincidence. I worked those four cases. There was never any evidence of foul play. Was he in town with anybody? Detective Barns: His girlfriend. She's upstairs in police custody. Do you want to talk to her? Gil Grissom: Not yet. Right now, I want to talk to him. Detective Barns: How do you talk to a dead body? (GRISSOM moves in closer to the body and kneels down to look at it.) Gil Grissom: I let him talk to me, actually. (He pulls off his dark glasses and reaches out for something next to the body.) Gil Grissom: In fact, he just spoke. Didn't you hear him? He just told me that he didn't commit suicide. (GRISSOM holds up a pair of broken glasses.) Detective Barns: No. You-you lost me. Gil Grissom: This guy fell to his death wearing prescription eyeglasses. Jumpers take their glasses off. Suicide is the ultimate form of selfishness, Detective. It's unlikely that anyone cowardly enough to take his own life would be brave enough to watch his own death. Detective Barns: (laughs) You can tell all that just by looking at a pair of eyeglasses? Gil Grissom: You have no idea. HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- RECEPTION AREA -- MORNING] (GRISSOM walks in past the receptionist. More out of habit, then really expecting anything, GRISSOM asks for his messages and continues walking past the receptionist.) Gil Grissom: Messages? (Without a word, The Receptionist reaches for the stack of white telephone messages slips in front of her. GRISSOM stops, surprised. He takes them and leafs through them. He heads on down the hallway.) (As he passes by people in the hallway and inside the labs, they look up and stare at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (In his office, BRASS has cleared out his desk. On it is a file box. GRISSOM appears in the doorway.) Gil Grissom: I just got off the phone with the Sheriff. He says he wants me to run the unit. Jim Brass: You're the boss. (GRISSOM walks into the office.) Jim Brass: I mean, I can't say I didn't do it to myself. Gil Grissom: Where are they going to place you? Jim Brass: Homicide. Believe that? (He chuckles humorlessly.) Jim Brass: Instead of moving up, I'm moving back in a time capsule, like it's 1979 again. So, I guess, this might put you and me at odds. (BRASS picks up his box and starts toward the door.) Gil Grissom: Cop versus scientist. Interesting, huh? (BRASS stops and looks at GRISSOM.) Jim Brass: (nods quietly) Yeah. (BRASS continues to head toward the door carrying his file box.) Gil Grissom: You got any advice for me? Jim Brass: Yeah, cover your ass ... and hide. They're all yours, pal. (With his file box in his hands, JIM BRASS walks out of the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [TELEVISION SCREEN NEWS REPORT] Paula Francis: (on tv) Tragedy struck early this morning when an on-duty Las Vegas Criminalist was brutally gunned down. [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - MORNING] (CATHERINE and NICK stand in front of the television set watching the news report.) Paula Francis: (on tv) It was her first night on the job. Victim Holly Gribbs was investigating a robbery/homicide in an apartment on the corner of M.L.K. and Warm Springs. (WARRICK sits off to the side. He's also listening to the news report.) Paula Francis: (on tv) The crime lab now faces the daunting task of investigating the shooting of one of their own. The wounded C.S.I. has been taken to Desert Palm where she is listed in critical condition. The suspect is still at large. Newscaster (male): (b.g.) In other news ... (CATHERINE turns around to look at WARRICK. NICK also turns around.) Catherine Willows: Weren't you supposed to be shadowing Holly? Nick Stokes: Warrick, man, what happened? Warrick Brown: I left her to hook up with Grissom on that toenail case ... and then, I came back here. Catherine Willows: You left Holly solo? Warrick Brown: It was just supposed to be an easy print job. Look, I feel bad enough, okay? (The door to the break room opens and GRISSOM walks in.) Gil Grissom: Here's what we know. Brass assigned Warrick to shadow Holly on a robbery. (GRISSOM heads for the coffee pot to pour himself a cup of coffee. In his other hand, he holds the assignment sheets.) Gil Grissom: He left her at the scene. The suspect returned and Holly was shot. The sheriff phoned me earlier this morning. Brass has been moved back to homicide. Nick Stokes: Who's going to run the unit? Gil Grissom: For now? Me. (CATHERINE looks at GRISSOM.) Gil Grissom: (looking at CATHERINE) I know. We'll just play it by ear, okay? (GRISSOM turns his head to look at WARRICK and it's the first that we notice that WARRICK is standing way on the other side of the break room, separate from the others.) Gil Grissom: All right. Last night, a jackpot winner took a swan dive off the Hotel Monaco about the time Holly was shot. I'm going to work the leaper. Nick? Nick Stokes: (stands up) Yes, sir. Gil Grissom: You work the Holly case. (GRISSOM gives the assignment sheet to NICK.) Catherine Willows: Wait a minute. Uh, you-you can't give him the Holly case. I mean, all due respect, Nick. I want this one. Gil Grissom: Nicky is the only one that didn't have any personal contact with Holly. I don't want you on this, Cath. Catherine Willows: Why? Gil Grissom: Because you're emotionally involved. Catherine Willows: Yeah. She was going to walk. I convinced her to stay. If anyone's to blame here, it's me, and I want this case. (CATHERINE grabs the assignment sheet from NICK.) Catherine Willows: Fire me. Gil Grissom: I'm not firing anybody. Look. I know we're pulling a double. We're on edge 'cause of Holly. I just want everyone to stay calm and to do their jobs for the next ten hours. And as of now we're short of help. So, I'm bringing in Sara Sidle to give us a hand. Catherine Willows: Sara Sidle? Warrick Brown: Who's that? Gil Grissom: She's a CSI out of San Francisco. She's a friend of mine, someone I trust. She's going to handle our internal investigation and I want to keep this in-house. I don't want I.A. Involved. (NICK nods his head.) Catherine Willows: (shakes her head) Great, that's just what we need, somebody sniffing around. (CATHERINE leaves the room.) Gil Grissom: Nicky, you can back me up on the D.B. at the Monaco. (GRISSOM hands the second assignment sheet to NICK.) Nick Stokes: You got it. Gil Grissom: That's it. (NICK glances up at WARRICK. He doesn't say anything and leaves the room.) Warrick Brown: That's it? What about me? Gil Grissom: You're on leave. You get some personal time. Warrick Brown: I don't want any personal time. I want to help. You're the boss now. You can reinstate me. Gil Grissom: Go home, Warrick. Get your story straight before Sara gets here. (GRISSOM turns to leave the room. Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MARTIN LUTHER KING (MLK) APARTMENTS -- DAY] (The OFFICER opens the apartment door. CATHERINE walks inside with her kits.) Catherine Willows: A little late for the brigade. Officer: What do you think happened here? (CATHERINE looks around.) Catherine Willows: First blush? (Quick flashback to: JERROD COOPER reaches for his gun tucked in the back waist band of his jeans. In front of him, HOLLY GRIBBS turns and continues to dust for prints near the window.) Jerrod Cooper: (muffled) Don't move. (HOLLY turns around at the intrusion. She puts her hands up.) Holly Gribbs: Hey, it's okay. I'm not a cop. I just ... I just analyze the scene. (JERROD COOPER raises the gun and fires. HOLLY falls down. She hits the couch and the table, bringing the phone down to the floor with her.) (HOLLY is on the floor. She exhales.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE picks up the gun on the floor and looks at it.) Catherine Willows: This is Holly's gun. (CATHERINE checks the bullets.) Catherine Willows: She shot back. (A pager beeps catching CATHERINE'S attention. She looks around and finds the pager under the couch.) (She looks at the display. It reads: LOW BATTERY.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (DR. JENNA WILLIAMS goes over the body with GRISSOM and NICK.) Dr. Jenna Williams: He's all rigored up. Now pull it like a slot machine. It's been three weeks since my last jumper. At least this one died a millionaire. (GRISSOM manages to move the arm. He looks at the markings on TED SALLENGER'S inner wrist.) Gil Grissom: Geez, these look like defensive wounds, maybe. Nick Stokes: Somebody came after this guy with something pretty sharp. Gil Grissom: You have any idea what it might be? Dr. Jenna Williams: Glass, maybe. We found tiny shards in the incised wound. (She comes up behind GRISSOM and takes out a piece of glass from the wound to show GRISSOM.) Dr. Jenna Williams: Take a look. Gil Grissom: Not just glass ... (Camera zooms in for an extreme close up of the piece of glass.) Gil Grissom: ... black glass. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CASINO (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL MONACO - PRESIDENTIAL SUITE -- DAY] (GRISSOM and NICK walk into the Presidential Suite. GRISSOM puts his kit down. NICK looks around.) Nick Stokes: Broken glass. (GRISSOM looks down and around.) Gil Grissom: Blood drops, leading to ... bloody towels. No effort to hide. Nick Stokes: Hey! (NICK kneels in front of the couch and holds a broken champagne bottle neck. GRISSOM walks over to take a look.) Nick Stokes: Defensive wounds. Gil Grissom: Champagne bottle. Black glass. I missed that. (NICK stands up and looks at GRISSOM.) Nick Stokes: What do you think, boss? Gil Grissom: You're C.S.I. three, now. You call it. Nick Stokes: What? You want me to play it blind? Gil Grissom: You've read the woman's statement. The room is full of evidentiary clues. (GRISSOM backs away and takes a seat.) Gil Grissom: Talk it out. What does the room say? (NICK looks around.) Nick Stokes: Okay. Well, according to the girlfriend's statement they were on the balcony when they had a lovers' quarrel. (Quick flashback to: TED and JAMIE are on the balcony arguing.) Ted Sallenger: Come on, Jamie. I'm a millionaire now. Now, why would I want to waste any more time with you? (There's a knock at the door.) (The camera pans around quickly to the door and lands on ... ) (End of flashback. Resume to ... ) (... NICK. NICK points to the door.) Nick Stokes: ... room service. (Quick flashback to: A cart is wheeled into the room.) Ted Sallenger: Thank you. Bellboy: You're welcome. (TED SALLENGER calmly pours himself a glass of champagne.) Jamie: (crying) So what was I this whole time, huh? Just someone to bang? Ted Sallenger: Yeah. (JAMIE grabs the champagne bottle and breaks it against the cart. She attacks TED with the broken bottle.) Jamie: (screams) Why? (TED fights to defend himself. He pushes her back and she falls against the couch. TED turns to attend to his bleeding arm.) Ted Sallenger: Crazy broad! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Gil Grissom: (V.O.) And then what happened? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (GRISSOM and NICK interview JAMIE.) Jamie: He took off. I cut him up pretty good. He probably went to the lobby to fetch some first aid. Gil Grissom: And he never came back to the room? Jamie: No. Gil Grissom: You sure? The Presidential Suite at the Hotel Monaco is a secured room. They keep a log. Every time someone enters with a card key ... Jamie: Well, if they keep a record check it for yourself. Why are you bothering me? Gil Grissom: Nicky, what does the log say? Nick Stokes: Well, she's right. The only entry I see here is when hotel security checked them in. Jamie: Can I go now? Gil Grissom: Yes, ma'am. (JAMIE stands up and heads for the door. She stops when NICK reaches over for the door knob to open the door for her. JAMIE leaves the interview room.) Gil Grissom: Her story checks out. (The door shuts.) Gil Grissom: She doesn't have any financial motive. She was his girlfriend, not his wife. Any money won by the deceased goes directly to the family estate. Nick Stokes: Well, if he didn't fall from his own balcony where else could it have happened? (They think about it. GRISSOM looks at NICK.) Gil Grissom: The roof. (NICK and GRISSOM head out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY] (WARRICK is on his cell phone, pacing the floor.) Warrick Brown: (to phone) Yeah, uh, Emergency Room, please. (pause) Patient's name is Holly Gribbs. (to phone) Thanks. (WARRICK hangs up.) Warrick Brown: (to phone) Warrick here. Judge Cohen: (from phone) Warrick, Judge Cohen. You bet the wrong team, you idiot. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. FOUNTAIN - DAY] Judge Cohen: (to phone) I said Packers. I got the 49ers for five grand. The spot in fifteen minutes. (Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL MONACO - ROOFTOP-- DAY] (On the rooftop, GRISSOM and NICK are setting up for their experiment. NICK kneels in front of a large bag of somethings.) Gil Grissom: Okay, I think we're ready for Operation Norman. (He dusts himself off as he stands.) Gil Grissom: (to NICK) You'll never get that off. It's Meyer's roof dust. All the hotels use it now. It diverts the sun's rays. Keeps the utility bills down in the summer. Nick Stokes: Yeah? How do you know all this crap? Gil Grissom: It's our job to know stuff. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL MONACO - FRONT SIDEWALK - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Standing down below on the sidewalk in front of the Hotel Monaco, GRISSOM looks up at the roof and speaks into the walkie-talkie. Behind him, a large crowd of spectators gather just beyond the crime scene tape.) Gil Grissom: (to radio) All right, Nick, standing by for Operation Norman. Let him fly. (The first crash dummy "body" flies off of the rooftop and crashes to the sidewalk in front of GRISSOM with a thud.) Spectator (male): Oh! (The large crowd of spectators applaud. GRISSOM looks up and around at them, surprised by their reaction.) (The second crash dummy flies off of the rooftop and onto the sidewalk below. The crowd cheers.) (The third and final crash dummy flies off of the rooftop and lands with a thud. The crowd applauds.) (GRISSOM raises his hand and acknowledges them as he walks toward the dummies.) Gil Grissom: Yes, yes. (GRISSOM raises his camera.) Gil Grissom: Norman "pushed". (He takes pictures of the dummy. He turns to snap photos of the second dummy.) Gil Grissom: Norman "jumped". (GRISSOM takes pictures of the third dummy.) Gil Grissom: Norman "fell". Sara Sidle: (o.s.) Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs. Roper? (At the sound of her voice, GRISSOM puts the camera down. Behind him, SARA puts her bag down on the ground, a huge grin on her face.) Gil Grissom: I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle. Sara Sidle: That's me. Still tossing simulation dummies? There are other ways to tell, you know? Gil Grissom: How? Computer simulation? No thanks. I'm a scientist I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple, I drop dummies. Sara Sidle: You're old school. Gil Grissom: Exactly. And this guy was pushed. (SARA'S faces changes, as she as talks about more serious issues.) Sara Sidle: How's the girl? Gil Grissom: She's still in surgery. She's not doing very well. Sara Sidle: That's too bad. Gil Grissom: God, Sara, I have so many unanswered "why"s. Sara Sidle: There's only one why that matters now. Why did Warrick Brown leave that scene? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. "THE SPOT" PARKING STRUCTURE -- DAY] (WARRICK walks across the parking garage up to a moving car that stops in front of him.) Judge Cohen: What are you, dyslexic? You owe me ten grand, buddy. (JUDGE COHEN gives his ticket to WARRICK. He takes it.) Warrick Brown: All I got is four. (WARRICK hands the ticket back to JUDGE COHEN.) Judge Cohen: So what are you breathing here for? Get out there and get my money. Warrick Brown: Hey, look, a girl was shot on my watch 'cause I was doing you a favor. Judge Cohen: Hey, you came to me. Warrick Brown: All right, Judge, I'll get your money but I need more time. You got to give me a day. Judge Cohen: You got an hour. (JUDGE COHEN drives off, leaving WARRICK staring at his dust..) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE is working on the laptop in the room. The door opens and SARA walks in.) Sara Sidle: Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows? Catherine Willows: (without looking up) She's out in the field. (SARA stops and looks down at the piece of paper in her hand. CATHERINE looks up at SARA.) Catherine Willows: Let me guess ... Sara Sidle? Sara Sidle: I know who I am. I think you're a little confused. Catherine Willows: If you think you're taking my case ... forget it. (SARA shuts the door.) Sara Sidle: Look, we can stand here and argue ... or ... we can get out there and find out who did this to Holly Gribbs. (beat) Two sharp women are better than one. (CATHERINE considers it for a moment, then turns and grabs the evidence bag next to her. She holds it up.) Catherine Willows: Pager. (CATHERINE takes the pager out of the bag.) Catherine Willows: Found at the crime scene. (SARA walks around the table to look at what CATHERINE'S working on.) Sara Sidle: Where'd you get the pager nest? Catherine Willows: Grissom. He won it on e-bay. Sara Sidle: They're great for tracing if you can rely on the suspect's honesty. [FULL ON COMPUTER MONITOR] Catherine Willows: Uh ... Desmond Tutu. Sara Sidle: See what I mean? Don't feel bad. My last four traces came back Eminem, (smiles) ... so ... look, you seem to have everything under control here. Sara Sidle: Where can I find Warrick Brown? Catherine Willows: Try one of the casinos on Blue Diamond Road. (SARA nods and slowly heads for the door. CATHERINE stops her.) Catherine Willows: (holding pager up) Oh, I'll page you with any information. (SARA smiles and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [CLOSE UP OF POKER CHIPS] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL MONACO -- SURVEILLANCE ROOM -- DAY] (GRISSOM and NICK are in the Surveillance room looking at the video footage.) Gil Grissom: There's our jumper. Surveillance Director: So, you want to see everything one minute before and one minute after he won the jackpot, right? Gil Grissom: (nods) Please. (The SURVEILLANCE DIRECTOR clicks on the keyboard and the footage on the monitor skips. GRISSOM sees something.) Gil Grissom: Wait a minute. Go back. (Close up of the monitor shows the clerk talking with TED SALLENGER at the slot machine. The video is on pause.) Gil Grissom: (to NICK) There! It looks like she's offering him his slot redemption card back. (to the SURVEILLANCE DIRECTOR) Could I see the person that was sitting at this machine right before the victim? Surveillance Director: Sure. (He clicks on the keyboard and the video footage moves backward to where another man is sitting at the slot machine.) Gil Grissom: Is there any way of telling how long he was sitting there? (The keyboard clicks and the footage rewinds backward. The counter appears on the monitor and stops at the time.) Surveillance Director: 11 hours, 13 minutes ... 15 seconds. At three bucks a tug, hell, he could have gone through ten, 20 thou. (GRISSOM looks surprised by this information. He turns back to the monitor.) Gil Grissom: Nick, call the slot host. Get this guy's name from the slot card. I'm going to talk to this man. (NICK nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS - FIRING RANGE -- DAY] (CATHERINE puts on her goggles. BOBBY DAWSON walks into the room carrying the gun.) Bobby Dawson: All right. Here you go. Holly's weapon's already loaded. So, just point at the gun entry hole there to do your test fire. Catherine Willows: Okay, thanks, Bobby. (BOBBY gives the gun to CATHERINE. BOBBY stands behind CATHERINE and puts his ear phones on.) CAMERA SLOW MOTION (CATHERINE puts her hand and gun in the entry hole and fires.) (Camera close up of the bullet as it breaks through the water. Change camera angle where the bullet is in direct line with the camera.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS -- DAY] (BOBBY DAWSON looks through the scope to compare the two bullets.) Bobby Dawson: Okay, now, in order to eliminate Holly's gun as the possible weapon we start by looking for imperfections in the bullet's stria ... now, that's odd. Catherine Willows: What's wrong? Bobby Dawson: We don't have an elimination. We got a match. (BOBBY steps aside and CATHERINE looks through the scope. She sighs.) Catherine Willows: Shot her with her own gun. (Quick flashback to: [INT. MARTIN LUTHER KING APARTMENT - MORNING] HOLLY GRIBBS has her hands up as she talks with JERROD COOPER.) Holly Gribbs: It's okay, I'm not a cop. I just ... I just analyze the scene. (JERROD COOPER takes a step forward.) Jerrod Cooper: Throw the gun down! (HOLLY takes her gun and tosses it to the floor.) Jerrod Cooper: All right now, yank the phone out of the wall. I'm taking my prints with me. (HOLLY yanks the phone out of the wall. JERROD'S pager beeps. He looks down. HOLLY takes the opportunity to hit JERROD with the phone.) (They struggle. He gets free and grabs HOLLY'S gun from the floor. He fires multiple times at her.) (He grabs his things and runs leaving HOLLY behind.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Camera holds on CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL MONACO - MAIN FLOOR -- DAY] (The FLOOR CLERK leads GRISSOM and NICK across the main casino floor.) Floor Clerk (woman): I pulled the slot card for you. (pointing) That's the gentleman, right over there. Gil Grissom: Thank you. Floor Clerk (woman): Mm-hmm. (GRISSOM hands NICK his cell phone and tucks his ID into his shirt.) Gil Grissom: Hold this. I think I'll play a little. (GRISSOM makes his way to the man at the slot machine. He takes the empty seat two machines to the right of the man.) Red Carlton: Double down, always get a winner. Oh, yes, a winner. The winner. Double nine. Gil Grissom: (laughs) Double Jacks or better! (beat) You're under arrest. Red Carlton: Oh yeah? What for? Gil Grissom: First-degree murder. Red Carlton: Oh. On what grounds? (GRISSOM glances down at the man's pants.) Gil Grissom: Roof dust. Security Officers: Sir, would you please come with us? (GRISSOM turns to stand up. His machine starts to ring ... and ding and the sounds of coins falling is heard. GRISSOM turns around and hands the empty tub to NICK.) Gil Grissom: (smiling) Nicky, my boy, collect my winnings. It's a C.S.I. three initiation. (NICK takes the empty container and smiles as GRISSOM leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO - DAY] (WARRICK is at the blackjack table playing six hands.) Dealer: You're up 11 G's. Hit or stay? (Behind WARRICK, SARA walks up to him.) Sara Sidle: Stay. I want to talk to you. (WARRICK glances up at SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO - COFFEE SHOP - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK is sitting at the counter nursing a cup of coffee. SARA sits next to him.) Sara Sidle: You were playing $100 on every spot. You have a system? Warrick Brown: I'm counting cards. Sara Sidle: Isn't that illegal? Warrick Brown: Not if you do the math in your head. Sara Sidle: You play anything else? Warrick Brown: I bet sports from time to time. Sara Sidle: So ... let me get this straight. You were assigned by Brass to shadow a trainee, a robbery comes up on M.L.K, and you go for coffee. Warrick Brown: An officer was there. Sara Sidle: So, you felt safe to leave? Do you know the policies and procedures for clearing a scene? Warrick Brown: Yes. Sara Sidle: Then, why'd you leave? I mean, what was so important that you had to rush out of there? Warrick Brown: I told you. I went for coffee. Sara Sidle: Was that before or after you made your bets? Sunday ... Vegas ... NFL football ... guy like you ... come on, you trying to tell me that you didn't make a little pit stop? (WARRICK doesn't say anything.) Sara Sidle: Look at me. Did you log on ... tell dispatch where you were going? Warrick Brown: Do you know how many times I've been left alone at a crime scene when I was a rookie? Sara Sidle: Yeah, well, this time is different. Warrick Brown: Yeah, why's that? Sara Sidle: Holly Gribbs died on the operating table twenty minutes ago. (WARRICK turns to look at SARA, shocked by the news. He's absolutely stunned.) (Cut to: CATHERINE) (Cut to: BRASS) (Cut to: NICK.) (Cut to: GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY DAY] (SARA walks into the break room. CATHERINE'S inside, leaning against the counter, her hands rubbing her temples.) Sara Sidle: Mind if I get a soda? (CATHERINE looks at SARA, puzzled by the request. SARA indicates the refrigerator behind CATHERINE.) Catherine Willows: Oh, yeah. Sorry. (CATHERINE moves.) Sara Sidle: You want one? (SARA holds out the soda can.) Catherine Willows: Is there anything in there with alcohol? Sara Sidle: Root beer. Catherine Willows: No. (A pager beeps. Both CATHERINE and SARA check their pagers. The pager continues to beep.) (CATHERINE grabs the bagged pager on the table, the one from the crime scene. She checks it.) Catherine: Oh ... god. (CATHERINE scrambles to get her cell phone out. SARA hands her the pager. CATHERINE dials.) Sara Sidle: (smiles) What are you going to say? "Hi, I'm a Criminalist. I was in the neighborhood ... " Catherine Willows: Shh. It's ringing. INTERCUT WITH: [THREE ACES MOTEL - ROOM 202] Jerrod Cooper: (to phone) Hello. Catherine Willows: (from phone) Uh, hey. Jerrod Cooper: Who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper. Catherine Willows: Uh-uh. It's my beeper now. I found it. Jerrod Cooper: It ain't your beeper, girl. It's mine. (SARA sits down and listens intently as CATHERINE talks on the phone.) Jerrod Cooper: I do a lot of business on that beeper. Catherine Willows: What kind of business? Jerrod Cooper: You know -- slinging a little something-something. Catherine Willows: Oh, a little something-something. Or maybe a little bling-bling? Jerrod Cooper: So what you know about some bling-bling? Catherine Willows: Well, invite me over to your crib, baby and you might find out. Jerrod Cooper: It's on. Three Aces Motel, Room 202. Catherine Willows: Three Aces Motel, Room 202. (She sighs expectantly.) Jerrod Cooper: See you soon. (CATHERINE smiles and hangs up. She turns to SARA.) Catherine Willows: Did I just do that? Sara Sidle: What's a "bling-bling"? Catherine Willows: Got me. (SARA stands up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (NICK and GRISSOM question RED CARLTON.) Red Carlton: Yeah, I was up on that roof. I didn't push him off. I did talk to him, though. Nick Stokes: We know. Hey, what did you drink? Gin and tonic or amaretto sours? Red Carlton: Amaretto sours. How'd you know that? Nick Stokes: We got a record of the victim's room charges. Chief. Gil Grissom: At 1:27 A.M. Our victim, Ted Sallenger, made a couple of purchases in the gift shop-- (Quick flashback to: TED SALLENGER grabbing his package and leaving the gift shop.) Gil Grissom: (V.O.) ... band-aids and antiseptic. At 1:40 A.M ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Gil Grissom: ... we tracked a purchase at the la promenade-- (Quick flashback to: TED SALLENGER looking into the display window of the store and smiling.) Gil Grissom: (V.O.) ... a $30,000 designer watch. (He walks into the store.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Gil Grissom: At 1:45 A.M., you both started knocking them back in the hotel bar. (Quick flashback to: TED SALLENGER at the bar admiring his new watch.) Ted Sallenger: Sweet. (RED CARLTON walks up to TED SALLENGER.) Red Carlton: Hey. You won my money. Ted Sallenger: What? Red Carlton: That was my machine. I put everything I had in that machine. Ted Sallenger: So you're a degenerate. What do you want from me? (RED CARLTON turns to leave. TED SALLENGER stops him.) Ted Sallenger: Hey, old timer, come on, sit down. I'll buy you a drink for second place. What are you having? It's on me. Red Carlton: It's on you? All right. In that case, I'll have a, uh ... Amaretto Sour. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick Stokes: The first hour, you both drank tit for tat but by hour two, Ted started ordering doubles ... and you quit drinking. Gil Grissom: Drank decaf coffee instead. My guess is that you were getting him lathered up for your little elevator ride. (Quick flashback to: TED SALLENGER and RED CARLTON appear in the hallway.) Ted Sallenger: Have a nice life, huh? I know I will. (TED laughs. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Gil Grissom: And from there, you went to the roof. (Quick flashback to: Camera close up of a man's foot close to the roof's edge. It's RED CARLTON. He takes his glasses off and looks down. He cries. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Red Carlton: (cries) I couldn't go through with it. I'm a born failure. I failed at my marriage; I failed at my work. Then I couldn't even commit suicide right. One pull away ... the story of my life. Gil Grissom: Mr. Carlton, we're not detectives. We're crime scene analysts. We're trained to ignore verbal accounts and rely instead on the evidence a scene sets before us. But I have to be honest with you, Red ... I believe you. I do. (pause) So ... here's what we're going to do: You're going to stay here until we get back. If you pushed this guy off the roof he will, without a doubt, have roof dust on his shoes. If he does, we'll have you arrested for murder. But if dust is not present, then you'll be free to go. (RED CARLTON thinks about it. He smiles a bit.) Red Carlton: I like this guy. (NICK looks at GRISSOM and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THREE ACES MOTEL - SECOND FLOOR - ROOM 202 -- DAY] (The OFFICERS clear out the motel rooms. CATHERINE is standing on the stairway. BRASS rushes up the stairs and takes out his gun. He cocks it as he passes CATHERINE.) Catherine Willows: What are you doing here? (BRASS turns around to look at CATHERINE.) Jim Brass: Guilt therapy. (BRASS leads the officers as they surround the door to room 202. He hits the door with his foot.) Jim Brass: Police officers! Open up! (The OFFICER kicks the door in.) (JERROD COOPER is lying on the bed. He jumps out and heads for the window when the OFFICERS burst in through the door.) Officer: Get down. OFFICER: Hold him down on the ground! OFFICER: Put your hands behind your back! OFFICER: Get him down! (The OFFICERS successfully apprehend JERROD COOPER. CATHERINE walks in through the doorway. The OFFICERS push JERROD COOPER face down into the bed. He looks up and sees CATHERINE.) Catherine Willows: Now that's a bling-bling. Jerrod Cooper: That was you on the phone? Catherine Willows: (nods) Yep. (The OFFICERS get the handcuffs on him and push him toward the door. As they pass CATHERINE, she notices something.) Catherine Willows: Where'd you get that scratch? (Camera close up of the scratch to his right eye.) Sara Sidle: For a conviction, we're going to need a DNA sample. Jim Brass: Okay, let's sit him down. Let's get a saliva sample. Catherine Willows: (to radio) Hey, guys, it's Catherine. (Cut to: WARRICK pulls out his radio and listens.) Catherine Willows: (to radio) For whoever is listening we got him. Repeat. Holly Gribbs' suspect is in custody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. "THE SPOT" - PARKING STRUCTURE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK puts the radio away as he walks around the parking structure toward JUDGE COHEN who is standing next to his parked car.) (WARRICK hands the cash to JUDGE COHEN.) Warrick Brown: Ten Thousand. See you around, Judge. (WARRICK turns to leave. JUDGE COHEN stops him.) Judge Cohen: You don't leave until I tell you to leave. Warrick Brown: What? What are you going to do, hold me in contempt? Judge Cohen: You're already in contempt with me. We're in bed, pal. I own you. Warrick Brown: Nobody owns me. Judge Cohen: Yeah? Let me tell you something. You ever heard of a wolf in sheep's clothing? You and me -- we're going to do business together whether you like it or not. Keep your cell phone charged. (JUDGE COHEN gets into his car and leaves WARRICK standing there.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY - FORENSIC SCIENCE/LABORATORIES DIVISION - HALLWAY -- [SCENE_BREAK] DAY] (GRISSOM leans against the wall. CATHERINE walks down the hallway toward him. She's carrying her kit.) Catherine Willows: You didn't have to come. Gil Grissom: I know. I wanted to. In case you need me. Catherine Willows: I probably do. But this is something I'd rather do alone. (CATHERINE walks past GRISSOM toward the door.) Gil Grissom: Fifteen seconds, you're in, you're out we make a DNA match and it's over, okay? Catherine Willows: (nods) Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY - FORENSIC SCIENCE/LABORATORIES DIVISION - DAY] (Camera opens on the morgue cabinet label for "GRIBBS, HOLLY". CATHERINE stares at the card. She closes her eyes for a brief moment.) (CATHERINE opens the cabinet door and pulls out the table. She unzips the bag and reaches into her kit. She takes HOLLY'S hand and gets the sample.) Catherine Willows: (whispers) I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TEMPORARY EVIDENCE ROOM -- DAY] (GRISSOM and NICK examine TED SALLENGER'S shoes.) Nick Stokes: Will the real Red Skelton please ... stand up? Gil Grissom: You're too young to remember who Red Skelton was. Nick Stokes: Hey, Nick at Nite. You should check it out. (GRISSOM looks for dust.) Nick Stokes: No dust. Great. Gil Grissom: I thought so. Turns out he's red herring. There's got to be something else. (GRISSOM cuts the envelope open and empties its contents on the table. He examines the watch.) Gil Grissom: Nice watch. (He sees something.) Gil Grissom: Look at this. (Camera zooms in to the fibers caught in the watch.) Gil Grissom: These look like fibers. Nick Stokes: Yeah. You think he was dragged? Gil Grissom: Maybe. Nick Stokes: Well, I'll go back to the Presidential Suite ... take a swatch of the carpet, see if we can match the fibers. Gil Grissom: Get a hold of the girl while you're at it. Nick Stokes: Why, is she a suspect? Gil Grissom: She is now. (NICK nods and leaves the room. GRISSOM continues to examine the watch.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- ROOM A -- DAY] (GRISSOM walks into the room.) Grissom: All right. What do you have? Dr. Jenna Williams: Hey. I thought you might like to see this. (She shows him the mark on TED SALLENGER'S head.) Gil Grissom: What the hell is that? Dr. Jenna Williams: I found it after I shaved his head. Something hard with a diamond insignia on the back. You find that, I bet you find your killer. Gil Grissom: Was this first blow? Dr. Jenna Williams: First and fatal. Crushed his skull. So he was killed, then he was pushed. Dr. Jenna Williams: Without a doubt. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM / DNA LAB -- DAY] (SARA and CATHERINE are sitting in the break room.) Sara Sidle: Nicorette? Catherine Willows: No, thanks. Got my own. (GREG SANDERS opens the door to his lab and calls out to CATHERINE.) Greg Sanders: Boss, your DNA results are back. (CATHERINE and SARA stand and rush into the DNA lab. GREG looks at the results.) Greg Sanders: Well, according to my DNA data the types are 814 quadrillion to one that your suspect is our killer. Sara Sidle: Pretty good stats! Whoo! Catherine: Yeah, considering there's only about six billion people in the world ... ah, thanks. (CATHERINE looks at the results, shakes her head and sighs.) Catherine Willows: She gave me just enough ... just enough to catch him. (Quick flashback to: JERROD COOPER advances into the room, the gun in his hand and pointed at HOLLY GRIBBS.) Jerrod Cooper: Don't move! (HOLLY turns around and raises her hands.) Holly Gribbs: Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm not a cop. I just ... I just analyze the scene. This is my first day. Believe me, I'm-I'm no threat. (Cut to: HOLLY rips the phone out of the wall. She holds it out to JERROD COOPER.) Holly Gribbs: Um, look ... phone with your prints on it? Here, take it. Okay? Here. (His pager beeps. He's distracted for a moment and looks down. HOLLY uses it and throws the phone at JERROD. She hits him and he drops his gun. He goes for her gun. They struggle.) Catherine Willows: (V.O.) but she held on long enough to give us a clue. (HOLLY reaches up and scratches him in the eyes. He yells. He manages to get her gun. He takes a couple steps back, aims and fires.) (JERROD drops HOLLY'S gun, he grabs his gun and runs. HOLLY looks up and pushes JERROD'S pager under the couch. Camera holds on HOLLY GRIBBS.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara Sidle: Nice work, Catherine. (CATHERINE turns to look at SARA and shrugs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (NICK is in one of the labs where he compares the fibers from the watch with the fibers from the carpet.) (NICK looks up from the scope.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL MONACO - PRESIDENTIAL SUITE -- DAY] (GRISSOM walks into the room and puts his kit down. He sees the large square cut out in the middle of the room.) Gil Grissom: Nice swatch, Nick. Pizza box-sized. (GRISSOM looks around and sees something. One of the candlestick holders has a card suit symbol on each of its sides. He picks it up. He smiles.) (GRISSOM walks over to the balcony doors and puts his kit down. He opens it and takes out the luminol. He sprays the carpet in front of the balcony and finds the blood stains.) (GRISSOM'S phone rings. He answers it.) Gil Grissom: Grissom. Nick Stokes: (from phone) It's Nick. I just finished the carpet swatch comparisons. Got a match. Gil Grissom: I'm starting to get that feeling, Nicky, my boy. Nick Stokes: (from phone) Yeah, so am I. Gil Grissom: Listen, I'll meet you at the interrogation. I still got one more thing I want to check. Nick Stokes: (from phone) Okay. Bye. (GRISSOM hands up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL MONACO - HALLWAY IN FRONT OF PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - ROOM 1227 - DAY - [SCENE_BREAK] CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM opens the door and shows the card key to ELIAS.) Gil Grissom: Okay, I'm ready to try this now. Elias Templeton: (to radio) Stand by, house. (With the door open, GRISSOM puts the card key into the lock, then closes the door. He opens the door and removes the card key.) Gil Grissom: Did your security log record that? Elias Templeton: (to radio) You guys get that? (to GRISSOM) No. Well, I'll be damned. The curse. Hell, I ain't playing those machines no more. It's true. You win, you die. (GRISSOM takes his things out of the room and hands the card key to ELIAS. He walks down the hallway.) Gil Grissom: (under his breath) Gotcha. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (GRISSOM and NICK interview JAMIE again.) Jamie: Got me with what? Gil Grissom: Capital murder. Jamie: Oh, are you kidding me? Gil Grissom: I never kid about murder. What do you think, Nick? My turn to play it "blind"? (Quick flashback to: TED SALLENGER and RED CARLTON walk into the hallway after their drinks at the bar.) Ted Sallenger: Hey, Red, have a nice life, huh? (laughs) I know I will. (TED staggers down the hallway toward his room.) (Cut to: TED uses the card and tries to open the door. He's not too successful. JAMIE rushes up to the door carrying the candlestick holder. She peeks in through they peep hole.) Ted Sallenger: What the ... ? What the hell's with this thing? (TED still has problems with the card key. JAMIE jerks the door open and TED stumbles into the room. She hits him on the head with the candlestick. He falls to the floor.) (Quick flash to: JAMIE drags TED across the room toward the balcony.) Gil Grissom: (V.O.) Now, the funny thing is if Ted didn't come back to the room then why were presidential carpet fibers found in the band of his brand-new watch? 'Cause he did come back. (JAMIE drags TED across the room floor.) (Cut to: JAMIE cleans the carpet.) Gil Grissom: (V.O.) And you do the smart thing: After you throw him over the balcony you cleaned up the crime scene. You left blood-soaked towels in plain sight. Your alibi? The blood came from Ted's forearms. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Gil Grissom: How am I doing so far, Nicky? Nick Stokes: Yeah, I'm into it. Gil Grissom: According to your statement, you felt slighted 'cause Ted had just won $40 million and dumped you within half an hour giving you motive enough to kill him and you exercised that motive. (Without saying a word, JAMIE holds out her wrists for them to cuff. GRISSOM looks at her, then heads for the door to get an OFFICER.) (NICK leans forward.) Nick Stokes: Can I ask you a question? Jamie: Sure. Nick Stokes: How are you so cool? You took someone's life. Don't you care? Jamie: No. (GRISSOM opens the door and calls out to the OFFICER outside.) Gil Grissom: Deputy, we're going to have her arrested. Jamie: (to GRISSOM) So, could I ask you a question? Gil Grissom: Maybe. Jamie: All that stuff you rattled off. How'd you know about all that? Gil Grissom: Your boyfriend told me. (The door closes behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY -- DAY] (WARRICK sits alone in the hallway. GRISSOM and NICK walk down the hallway. GRISSOM sees WARRICK.) Gil Grissom: (to NICK) I'll see you outside, okay? (NICK leaves. GRISSOM approaches WARRICK. He sits down next to him.) Gil Grissom: They say I have to let you go. You violated the policies and procedures for clearing a scene. I read Sara's report. Warrick Brown: I know. I messed up. And Holly's dead. (WARRICK reaches for his gun and badge and hands them to GRISSOM.) Warrick Brown: I'm sorry, Gil. Gil Grissom: I'm sorry, too. I don't want to do this. Warrick Brown: You got to. You know where I was? Gil Grissom: I think I have a pretty good idea. Warrick Brown: I went to lay a bet. I didn't even think I was doing anything wrong. Never occurred to me. Gil Grissom: It never occurred to me, either. (GRISSOM stands up and stands in front of WARRICK.) Gil Grissom: You know what? If I let you go I got to let me go, too. (beat) And Catherine ... and Brass. We're all culpable in this. (beat) I don't care what the book says. I lost one good person today. I don't want to lose another-- here. (GRISSOM hands WARRICK back his gun and badge. WARRICK looks at them, takes them and stands up.) Warrick Brown: I won't let you down again. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - PARKING LOT - DAY] (All the CSIs are standing in the parking lot under the hot sun. NICK looks up and signals to CATHERINE.) (BRASS walks outside with JERROD COOPER in handcuffs. He looks up at all the CSIs standing there and walks JERROD COOPER to the vehicle where they both get inside.) (The Vehicle drives off, past them.) Gil Grissom: Let's go home. (One by one, they leave. Camera holds on WARRICK as he lingers.)

In the aftermath of the shooting that has left Holly Gribbs fighting for her life, there are big changes in store at the Vegas Crime Lab. Brass is sent back to Homicide while Grissom becomes the newly appointed head of the crime lab and is also in charge of the night shift. His first case is to investigate the supposed suicide of a jackpot winner with Nick. Meanwhile, Warrick has to deal with the fact that the shooting of rookie CSI Holly Gribbs was due to his failure to supervise her. Catherine decides to work Holly's shooting and is annoyed when Grissom brings in Sara Sidle to help with her investigation. Unfortunately, Holly succumbs to her injuries, leaving the team devastated.

fd_Torchwood_2x05

fd_Torchwood_2x05_0

INTRODUCTION JACK HARKNESS: (v.o.) Torchwood... outside the government, beyond the police... fighting for the future on behalf of the human race. The 21st Century is when everything changes... and Torchwood is ready. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - BEDROOM - DAY Gwen giggles and laughs as Rhys holds onto her leg as she tries to get out of bed. He tries to pull her back. RHYS : Come on let's... ! GWEN: No, I can't, I'm late as it is. He successfully pulls her back into bed and onto her back. She laughs, her shoe clutched in her hand. GWEN : Argh ! Rhys ! RHYS : You're itching to go back to work, aren't you ? She smiles this way and that at him. RHYS : Oh, I'll take that as a "yes," then. GWEN : Having you to come home to, that's the best bit. (Beat) Aw... He doesn't buy it. He fakes retching and they laugh. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - DAY Owen sits at the workstation and looks through a file. He's dressed in a conservative sweater and is wearing glasses. Jack rushes out of his office carrying a Torchwood locked box. JACK : Unlabeled Class D artefacts. (He puts it down on the table). Tosh, I need you to run a full check. Toshiko is walking past on her way back to her workstation. TOSHIKO : Sure. There's another man there. JACK : Owen, you can help. OWEN : Happy to. JACK : Adam, I know how much you love audits. Owen vacates the workstation seat. ADAM : Ah, it's gotta be done. JACK : If you could... ADAM : ... go through the reports, find out when they came through the Rift. Adam sits down. JACK : You okay with that ? Gwen arrives at the workstations area. She takes her jacket off. ADAM (smiles) : I have been for the last three years. Adam's smile fades when he sees Gwen. JACK : You're late. GWEN : Yes, Paris was lovely, thank you ! Gwen and Adam look at each other. Gwen looks at the others. GWEN : Who the hell is this ? Jack's smile fades. Owen stands in the autopsy archway and looks at Gwen. Toshiko, who is looking very sexy in a green top unbuttoned down to her cleavage, hair up and no glasses, also looks worriedly at Gwen. Adam gets up and walks over to Gwen. ADAM : Just cause that's what I said to you on your first day... He puts his hand on her shoulder. ADAM : ... remember ? INSERT : VARIOUS FLASHBACKS Gwen sits at her workstation laughing with Adam, who is standing behind her. More flashes of Gwen and Adam laughing, making coffee at the espresso machine, and playing basketball together.Freeze Frame moment of Adam pouring Gwen a cup of coffee. GWEN : (v.o.) Make a nice strong coffee... RESUME SCENE And if she's suddenly remembered who it was, Gwen smiles at him. GWEN : Sorry, couldn't resist. Come here, you ! (She gives him a hug. Everyone smiles and the tense moment is gone). Good to see you. Gwen moves away from Adam and smiles at Toshiko. GWEN : Hey, Tosh, you're looking good. Toshiko smiles. Hold on Adam, whose smile fades into a sneer. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS CUT TO : MONITOR Adam's photo appears on the screen. A personnel information sheet is created for him : NAME : ADAM SMITH. Adam is typing out his information into the system. He quickly glances over his shoulder to make sure no one is watching. D.O.B. : 16/11/82. RECRUITED : 07/05/050 - 0000. He enters the information. TOSHIKO (o.s.) : Adam ? (He clears the screen back to various images). What are you doing with your personnel file ? He finishes and turns around. Toshiko is there. ADAM : Nothing, just finished updating details of rift activity. She shows him a box with intricate patterns on the side. TOSHIKO : Any idea when this came through ? It's got a low meson energy reading. He takes the box from her, looks at it, then sets it aside. ADAM : No, I'll keep looking. She looks at him for a moment. Adam touches her neck with familiarity. INSERT : VARIOUS FLASHBACKS Toshiko and Adam are at the workstations. He turns and looks at her. She turns and looks at him. She smiles. Toshiko and Adam are kissing. Freeze frame moment of Adam about to kiss Toshiko. RESUME SCENE Adam and Toshiko kiss passionately. ADAM : A year ago today. TOSHIKO : Our first kiss. ADAM : You remembered. TOSHIKO : Hmm. They continue kissing. Owen arrives at the workstations and sets the tray down loudly. Toshiko and Adam look at Owen. TOSHIKO : You okay, Owen ? OWEN : Uh, yes, yes, yes. Don't worry about me. N... no, it's just, uh... kissing in work... um, I wasn't expecting it. Owen removes his gloves and heads back down to the autopsy area. ADAM : We'll celebrate tonight. Adam kisses Toshiko again. She smiles and walks away. We linger on Adam, his smile fades. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - THE VAULTS - DAY The door opens and Jack walks in. He hits the lights and passes by the cell with the Weevil in it. The weevil gets up, slams its hands against the glass, and growls loudly. Jack turns back and stops in front of the weevil cell. JACK : Save it ! Jack again turns and stops as he passes by the next cell. Inside in a little boy. Jack turns and looks at the boy. INSERT : FLASHBACK A child's hand slips out of a larger hand. END FLASHBACK Jack is spooked as he looks at the little boy in the cell. GWEN : (o.s.) Jack ? Jack turns and finds Gwen standing in the doorway. When he turns back to look at the cell, the little boy is gone. Was he even there at all ? Jack heads over to Gwen. GWEN : You okay ? JACK : Yeah, fine. He laughs nervously and glances back at the cell behind him. Gwen slaps Jack on his behind. GWEN : Did you miss me ? JACK : Were you gone ? Jack reaches to grab Gwen, she turns and runs out laughing. Jack chases after her. In the doorway, he stops and turns around to look back. The weevil in the cell growls. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS Toshiko heads toward her workstation. Gwen and Ianto are sitting side-by-side on the couch. Gwen is flipping through the file while Ianto is toying with a device. TOSHIKO : Just doing a quick check. We had rift activity two days ago, but nothing seems to have come through. Adam is sitting at another workstation. A small stuffed rodent peers out from behind Toshiko's monitor. OWEN : (o.s.) Apart from me ! Gwen smiles. Owen laughs as he squeezes the stuffed toy, making it squeak. He waves it at Toshiko. TOSHIKO : What's that ? OWEN : It's a screen-cleaner. I thought you might like it, um... Do you... do you like it ? TOSHIKO : Just what I need. A small rodent looking at me while I work. (She steps away, pauses, and looks over her shoulder). Think I'll call it Owen. Owen sighs as he clutches the folder to his chest and heads back to the autopsy area. Gwen chuckles. GWEN : He's like a little puppy, bringing her sticks. When's he gonna realize he's got no chance ? IANTO : Love's blind, apparently. He's idolized her for years now. ADAM : Oh, leave him alone. I think it's sweet. He's happy. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT Lovely city night lights. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Gwen returns home, steps into the living room and finds the lights on. She's puzzled by this. She takes her bag off just as Rhys steps into the room, his robe on and wiping his hair with a towel. Gwen puts her bag down. Rhys sees her, smiles and walks up to her from behind. He reaches for her to turn her around. RHYS : E-e-ey ! Gwen screams. Thinking she's just startled, Rhys laughs. GWEN : Stop it ! Gwen steps away from him and into the kitchen. RHYS : Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. GWEN : How did you get in ? RHYS : With a key ! Gwen picks up the large knife out of the rack. She holds it on Rhys. RHYS : What ? (Serious). This isn't funny. GWEN (eyes wide and scared) : Stay back, all right ? Stay back ! RHYS : Gwen, what's going on ? GWEN : How do you know my name ? Huh ? Gwen takes her gun out and cocks it. She points it at Rhys. GWEN : I know how to use this. Now, who are you ? And what do you want ? RHYS : You know who I am... GWEN : Fine, if you won't tell me, fine. You stay there. She takes her phone out of her bag and dials with one hand while holding the gun on Rhys. GWEN : Don't you move. (To phone) : Jack... yeah, someone's broken into my flat. He had a key. He knows my name. RHYS : It's because I live here with you ! GWEN (to Rhys) : Shut it ! Shut it ! (To phone) Yeah. Can you hurry, Jack ? He's a nutter. (Hangs up and drops the phone). You have picked the wrong girl to stalk, mate. Rhys looks at Gwen. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Jack and Adam get out of the SUV. They hurry, their guns out. Jack jumps up to the curb, rushes toward the building, then stops and hits the intercom buzzer. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Rhys moves out of the way, his hands up in the air. Gwen hurries toward the door. He tries again. RHYS : Gwen ? GWEN : Stay there ! The buzzer sounds again and again as Gwen backs away toward the door. Rhys puts his hands down and looks at her with exasperation. She picks up the phone. GWEN : Jack ? INTERCUT WITH : EXT. STREET OUTSIDE GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT JACK (to intercom) ; Gwen, it's us ! INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Gwen drops the phone and buzzes him in. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Jack and Adam enter the building. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Gwen keeps her gun on Rhys and returns to the living room. GWEN : In here, Jack ! RHYS (quietly) : Gwen... Jack and Adam enter the room. Jack finds Gwen with her gun on Rhys. Jack and Adam keep their guns on Rhys, but clearly Jack is just as puzzled. JACK : What's going on ? GWEN : You tell me. Look ! She picks up a framed photo and shows it to them. GWEN : He's put photos of us up. (Rhys rolls his eyes). He must have done it while I was at work. He's deluded ! He keeps saying he's my boyfriend. JACK : He is. It's Rhys. Rhys turns and looks at Gwen. GWEN : I've never seen him before in my life ! Jack steps next to Rhys. JACK : You've been with him for years. RHYS : See ! Jack holds out his hand. JACK : Give me the gun, Gwen. GWEN : No ! He... he grabbed me, Jack. Who knows what he was going to do ? RHYS : How can you say that ?! (To Jack) What have you done to her ? JACK : Nothing. RHYS : Oh, come on ! I know what kind of sick games you play. Pills that make you forget, is that what this is, yeah ? Are you phasing me out so you can have her all to yourself ? JACK : Hey ! Rhys grabs Jack. Jack grabs Rhys. Gwen steps forward with her gun still on Rhys. GWEN : Stay away from him ! Jack puts a hand on Gwen's gun to stop her from pointing it at Rhys. JACK : Hey ! RHYS (upset) : We're engaged ! I bought you the bloody ring you're wearing ! Gwen looks at Jack. Jack nods for her to look. Gwen lifts her hand up and sees the ring. She really looks shocked. She goes back to holding the gun. Adam steps forward. ADAM : Why don't you come with me to the Hub. RHYS (to Adam) : Who the hell are you ? JACK : He's one of us. ADAM : We can check you. Jack will stay and take care of things. JACK (softly to Gwen) : Okay. Gwen puts her gun down. Adam leads Gwen toward the door. GWEN : Don't let him go. If he comes after me again, I'll kill him. Gwen and Adam leave. Jack looks at Rhys. JACK : Trust me, I didn't do this. But whatever's happened... we'll put it right. Rhys nods. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - NIGHT Owen uses a penlight and checks Gwen's eyes as Adam watches. OWEN : Right, well, no signs of long-term damage, as far as I can see. Or alien intervention. But, I must be missing something. I'm sorry, but it's a mystery to me why you can't remember Rhys. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Jack sets a digital video recorder down on the coffee table and faces it toward Rhys. RHYS : Is this really necessary ? JACK : She needs to remember. Rhys sighs. JACK : Where did you meet ? RHYS : Er, college. Fancied her from the moment I saw her. Uh, not-not just her looks, you know, I mean, I mean she is a looker, I... oh, I... Rhys puts his head in his hands runs them back through his hair. INTERCUT WITH : INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - NIGHT Gwen is watching the video on the monitors. On the monitor, Rhys groans. JACK (o.s., from monitor) : Tell me about your first kiss. RHYS (from monitor) : Um, in the supermarket. I was going to make a spag bol... and then I realized that it's got bloody garlic. Can't kiss a girl with garlic breath. Rhys chuckles. Adam kneels next to Gwen. RHYS (from monitor) : So, um... we were in the queue and... uh... ADAM : Do you remember that ? GWEN : Sort of. It's like I'm... RHYS (from monitor) : I said, I wanted to do something else. Something without garlic. GWEN : I'm seeing what he's saying, but... RHYS (b.g., from monitor) : So she gets pissed off. GWEN : I don't remember how I... felt. RHYS (b.g., from monitor) : Because the queues are so long. Adam cups Gwen's cheek with the palm of his hand. ADAM : Believe me when I tell you that that is your fianc . RHYS (b.g., from monitor) : ... and I kick off... ADAM : Your memory's just playing tricks on you, that's all. Okay. RHYS (from monitor) : ...and I end up shouting out why I'm changing the recipe. GWEN (to Adam) : Okay. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT RHYS : She starts to laugh. INT. THE HUB - NIGHT RHYS (from monitor) : She calls me "Rhys the Rant" and then she kissed me, right there in the queue. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT RHYS : And I, and I, and I thought then, Jack, I... (voice breaks) I thought, "I'm going to marry this bloody mad woman, even if it kills me." INT. THE HUB - NIGHT He looks at the monitor and shakes his head. Hold on Gwen, who can't remember a thing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT Owen takes the artefact box out of a scanning device. Toshiko walks in. TOSHIKO : Worked out what that thing is yet ? OWEN : No joy yet. (He puts the box on the table). But you should have a look at the detail, Tosh. It's gorgeous. She walks over to him and picks up the box. He immediately grabs the box to help her. He looks at her. OWEN : Oh, let me get that. TOSHIKO : Have you managed to open it yet ? OWEN : Uh, no, sorry. I'm not doing very well, am I ? She goes over to the laptop. TOSHIKO : It's gonna be a long night. OWEN : Yes, which is why I brought... He puts the box down and picks up a red and a blue container. OWEN : ... some sandwiches ! (He slides the red container across the table toward her). One for you... and one for me. Smoked salmon, that is your favorite, isn't it ? TOSHIKO : How d'you know that ? She looks at him. Owen can't meet her gaze. TOSHIKO : I'm gonna need a beer. She heads toward the door. The door opens. OWEN : What ? While we're working ?! She turns and looks back over her shoulder at him. OWEN : Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, right. Um, relax, kick back, it's a good idea. The door closes behind her. OWEN (calls out) : Er, not for me though, thanks ! The door closes shut, leaving Owen alone in the room. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Ianto walks in and looks over at Jack sitting at the counter with Rhys in the kitchen. The door closes off screen. Ianto turns and motions behind him. Gwen steps into the living room. Jack gets up and heads toward the door. As he passes Gwen, she grabs him. GWEN (desperately) : Don't leave me, Jack. He looks at her. JACK : You'll be okay. Jack sets her away from him and heads for the door. He heads out. Ianto gives Gwen a thumb's up before following Jack out and leaving Gwen alone with Rhys. She turns and looks at Rhys, this stranger who is her fianc . [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET OUTSIDE GWEN'S BUILDING - NIGHT Jack and Ianto head back to their SUV. JACK : What was that all about ? IANTO : Temporary amnesia. Owen's checking possible causes. Oh... Ianto tosses the car keys to Jack. Jack catches it, turns and unlocks the SUV. The alarm chirps. He turns and sees a young boy standing on the other side of the street. The sight of the boy freezes him. He looks as if he's seen a ghost. IANTO : Weevil sighting by the sewer in Rockall Street. There's no response. IANTO : Jack... Jack doesn't answer him. He continues to stare at the boy standing across the street. IANTO : Jack ! Jack turns to Ianto. JACK : Can you see him ? IANTO : Who ? There's a whoosh. Jack turns around and the boy is gone ! Jack is freaking out. JACK : I'll drop you off and check out the sighting. Jack opens the car door and gets inside the car. Ianto gets into the passenger side and closes the door. IANTO : I could come with you. It's been a while since we went hunting together. JACK : I'll be fine on my own. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT Owen is sitting in a chair at the conference table and going through a file. The door opens and closes. He looks up as Toshiko walks in carrying two beers. Her top buttons are undone, showing a daring amount of cleavage. She puts one of the beer bottles on the table in front of Owen and offers him the bottle opener. TOSHIKO : Go on. Live a little. OWEN : Well, as it's you. (He takes the bottle opener. Toshiko sits on the table and crosses her legs). Thank you. TOSHIKO : Call it a celebration. OWEN : Oh, yes ? He opens his bottle and clinks his bottle to hers. TOSHIKO : Adam and I have been together for one year today. OWEN : Right, right. TOSHIKO : A whole year. My stomach still flips when he touches me. I've never known anything like it. The two of us, we just fit. D'you know what I mean ? OWEN : Um, not sure I do, no. She puts her beer bottle down and pats his hand. TOSHIKO : Don't worry. You'll meet the right girl one day. OWEN : Yeah. Tosh... She turns and looks over her shoulder at him with a half-smile on her face. OWEN : Um... um... D'you really think I look like a rodent ? TOSHIKO : Come on, we're going to crack this box even if it kills us. INT. UNDERGROUND SEWERS - NIGHT Jack jumps down the ladder and looks around the sewers with his flashlight. JACK : Come out, come out, wherever you are. He starts down one way, then stops and turns around when he hears a faint growling. JACK : Giving me the runaround, huh ? You picked the wrong day, my friend. Jack starts down the corridor, then stops abruptly at the sight of a familiar face. FRANKLIN (VISION) : Get out ! Get out, son. JACK : Dad ? FRANKLIN (VISION) (shouts) : Run ! Jack turns and runs. EXT. - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS Jack climbs out of the hole to the sewers. He takes a few steps, freaked and panting. ADAM (o.s.) : Jack ? Jack whirls around and finds Adam standing there. ADAM : Was it down there ? The weevil ? JACK : No. How did you get here ? ADAM : Well, I came with you, Jack, remember ? Adam puts a hand on Jack's shoulder. JACK : Yeah, of course. ADAM : Are you okay ? Jack, what did you see ? JACK : My past. INT. GWEN'S PLACE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Gwen and Rhys sit uncomfortably on the couch, an awkward silence around them. Gwen puts the framed photo of them down on the coffee table. She still can't remember. GWEN : If what you say is true... RHYS : It is. We love each other. He reaches to put a hand on Gwen's arm and she pulls away from him. GWEN : But how could I forget that ? Rhys shakes his head and stands up. He heads for the kitchen and checks the refrigerator. He shuts the refrigerator door. RHYS (sighs) : Nothing in. I was going to take you out for a meal. (He pours himself a drink). Didn't want the weekend to finish, I suppose. Gwen doesn't say anything. She eyes the many framed photos on the counter of the two of them together and happy. EXT. BASKETBALL COURTS / PARK - NIGHT It's raining. Jack is walking away. Adam follows. ADAM : Jack, please. Talk to me. What about the past ? Is it your childhood ? Jack stops and whirls around. Adam walks up to him. He puts a hand on Jack's shoulder. ADAM : I've always been here for you, Jack. From the very beginning. I'm the one you can confide in, remember ? JACK : It was meant to be buried. I buried the memory over 150 years ago. Why now ? Jack turns and walks away again. ADAM : Well, maybe it's time. Maybe up until now, your subconscious was protecting you. But you can't block out the past forever. JACK : I can't afford to remember. Jack steps out onto a court. Adam follows him. ADAM : Jack, talk to me, please. JACK : Why ? ADAM : I can help. Trust me. JACK : I'm not sure I should do this. ADAM : Just tell me what you see. I can help you. That's why I'm here. Jack closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. ADAM : Where are you, Jack ? INSERT : FLASH OF Adult Jack standing on a planet and staring out at the horizon, nothing but sand, sun and heat in front of him. Jack's eyes are closed as he remembers. INSERT : FLASH OF Young Jack standing on a planet and staring out at the horizon, nothing but sand, sun and heat in front of him. Jack is quiet as he remembers. Adam watches him. INSERT : FLASH OF A pair of young legs run up a sand hill. At the top, Young Jack looks out at the coastline, where the water meets the sand. In the horizon is a large structure built on a penninsula. From where Young Jack stands, it looks as if the structure is on the water, but it's not. BACK TO SCENE Jack smiles as he remembers. INSERT : FLASH OF BOESHANE PENINSULA Young Jack stands on the sand hill looking at the structure, presumably his home. JACK (v.o.) : Boeshane Peninsula. My home in the 51st Century. BACK TO SCENE JACK : We lived under the threat of invasion. INSERT : FLASHBACKS People are running for the trees in panic. Young Jack is holding hands with his younger brother as they follow the others and run toward the trees. BACK TO SCENE JACK : They came without warning. We thought they'd pass over us, like they always did. INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack ducks for cover in the roots of a large tree. He's alone. The others run past him. BACK TO SCENE JACK (achingly) : But they didn't. Not that day. ADAM : Who ? JACK : The most horrible creatures you could possibly imagine. CUE SOUND : (V.O.) Someone screams. INSERT : FLASHBACK People are running in a panic. Franklin and Young Gray are running toward Young Jack. JACK (v.o.) : Their howls traveled before them. FRANKLIN (to Young Jack) : Run. Take Gray. Keep him safe ! BACK TO SCENE Jack has his hand stretched out in front of him as he remembers. JACK : Take Gray. ADAM : Gray ? INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack and Young Gray run toward each other and hug. Young Jack swings Young Gray around and around in circles. It's happier times. JACK (v.o.) : My little brother. BACK TO SCENE Jack gasps from the agonizing memory. INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack grabs Franklin's sleeve as he pulls away to go back. YOUNG JACK : No, no, Dad. Come with us. FRANKLIN : No, I've got to go get your mother. (He pushes Young Jack away and shouts). Run ! Young Jack takes Gray's hand and starts running. Franklin watches them for a moment, then turns and heads back. BACK TO SCENE JACK (distressed) : One minute, I was holding his hand. INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack and Gray are running. Gray trips and falls. Young Jack continues running. Gray gets up and tries to keep up. Young Jack runs and takes cover in the tree roots. BACK TO SCENE JACK : I don't know when he let go. INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack looks around and realizes that Gray's not with him. YOUNG JACK : Gray ? Gray ? Young Jack steps out of his hiding place and looks around. Everyone is gone. Jack is standing in the background watching. YOUNG JACK (shouts) : Gray ! (Runs to look for Gray). Gray, where are you ? Gray ! Jack turns and continues narrating. JACK : One minute, his hand was in mine, I don't know when he let go. I don't think I noticed, I thought he was there, just behind me. He watches Young Jack running and looking for Gray. There are dead bodies littered in the sand. YOUNG JACK : Gray ! JACK : I retraced my steps, hoping that I'd see him again. BACK TO SCENE Jack turns to look at Adam. ADAM : Did you find him ? INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack runs along the shoreline toward the large buildings on the peninsula. YOUNG JACK : Gray ! JACK : I ran all the way home. YOUNG JACK : Where are you ? Gray ! BACK TO SCENE ADAM : Jack, what did you find ? Jack covers his face with his hands. INSERT : FLASHBACK Young Jack arrives at home. He finds his father dead, shot in the chest. YOUNG JACK : Dad ? No ! (He falls to his knees). Can someone help ? Please ! Young Jack looks around. Jack stands in the background watching the scene. JACK : I searched for Gray for years. BACK TO SCENE JACK : I never found the body. ADAM : It wasn't your fault. JACK : I let go of his hand ! It was the worst day of my life. It's the last thing I want to remember. Jack walks past Adam and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT Toshiko reads the test results as Owen examines the box. Ianto leans against the doorframe watching them. The various clocks on the walls in the conference room read various times throughout the scene, 10:35, 11:47 and 2:30. Go figure. TOSHIKO : So, according to the molecular breakdown, this potentially alien complex artefact is, in fact, made out of wood. OWEN : Well, perhaps it fell in the crate by mistake. Picked up meson energy from the other stuff. TOSHIKO (scoffs) : Yeah, right ! OWEN (mumbles) : Oh, yes, sorry, it's a stupid idea. IANTO : I think Jack brought it in. TOSHIKO : No, I'm sure Adam found it on an excavation a few months back. IANTO : I'll have a look in the diary. I like to log the interesting stuff. TOSHIKO (amused) : You write about artefacts in your diary ? IANTO : Among other things. Ianto winks at her, turns and leaves. OWEN : So, we are done for the night. TOSHIKO : I guess. OWEN : Everything all right ? TOSHIKO : Yeah, just, Adam hasn't rung yet. Toshiko walks over and picks up the box. She heads back to her laptop. OWEN : Ah. Sure he will. I know I would, if it was our anniversary. I wouldn't disappear. In fact, I would... uh... cherish you. TOSHIKO : Ah, Owen ! OWEN : Yeah, no, no... um... really, really, I would. In fact, I wouldn't let you out of my sight, Tosh... because I love you. TOSHIKO (surprised) : What ? OWEN : Yeah, there we are. I've said it. I... I love you. Yes, I always have, actually, ever since we started working together, and in fact, I actually ache for you, you know, physically. When you're in the room, I when you're in the room I just want to reach out and touch you and... TOSHIKO (uncomfortable) : Owen ! OWEN : No, no, no, you know, I can't keep this secret any more ! My mum said to me, "Seize the day," and so I am seizing it, and you know I've got so much love to give you, Tosh, and, and you know, you won't know that unless I tell you. So here I am, telling you that I love you. You know I know there's Adam, okay, but you know, I think... In fact, I know that we would be amazing together, um... if you would only just give it a chance. (Toshiko looks away and is silent). Oh, God. Say something. TOSHIKO (bursts) : That is completely inappropriate. OWEN : Pardon ? TOSHIKO : What are you thinking of ? OWEN : I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know. TOSHIKO : How dare you! I'm with Adam. (Heads for the door) And even if I wasn't... you're not my type. Never will be. She leaves. The door shuts behind her. OWEN : Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SUPERMARKET - NIGHT Rhys and Gwen are out marketing. Rhys grabs a package out of the refrigerator unit and drops it in his basket. Gwen stands on the side and watches. GWEN : Maybe I should be on my own tonight. RHYS : No way. What if you forget who you are ? GWEN : I know who I am. He walks past her. RHYS : It's not just you who's lost something. He puts his basket on the cash register counter. GWEN : But you remember. RHYS : All you know about me. The cashier's phone rings and he answers it. RHYS : You're my girl, my best friend. CASHIER (to phone) : Hey, you all right ? What's happening ? Laughs. RHYS : Suddenly, all that's gone. The cashier walks away. CASHIER (to phone) : A stormer of a night ! What about her, mate ? Rhys watches him walk away, getting more and more pissed. RHYS : Where's he going now ? He just walked off ! He knows I'm waiting. (Loudly). Oh, fine. I'll help myself, then ! He pulls out some money and puts it on the counter. RHYS (rants) : Here you are ! Keep the change ! (Gwen starts to giggle). Buy some spot cream ! I'm not coming here again. It's overpriced. There's a 1.50 charge on the cash machine. It's a bloody disgrace. Gwen starts laughing. RHYS : Honestly, kids these days. Don't know the meaning of hard wo... He turns and stops when he sees Gwen laughing. RHYS : What ? GWEN : Rhys... Rhys the Rant. (Her smile fades, the words coming from nowhere). Always when you're in a queue, or driving, or when you're on the phone to one of those, um (she motions pushing a button), automated phone thingies... She nods and starts crying. He takes her hand. RHYS (gently) : Hey, it's okay. It's okay. Gwen holds onto Rhys' hand as he picks up his bags. RHYS : Come on, sweetheart. They leave. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - LOUNGE AREA - NIGHT It's dark and quiet. Ianto sits alone on the couch reading through his diary. He flips through the pages, scanning the pages quickly and looking for something. Finally, he closes the book and looks a little freaked. He sits forward and puts the book down on the coffee table. He leans back on the couch. Reveal : Adam sitting on the other end of the couch watching him. ADAM : What's wrong ? Startled, Ianto jumps off the couch and moves away from him. Adam reaches for the diary left on the coffee table. IANTO : My diary. Adam picks up the diary and holds it up. IANTO : You're not in it. Adam opens the diary and looks through it. IANTO : Everyone else is. Adam is on his feet and approaches Ianto. He's still looking through the diary. He looks at Ianto. IANTO : Why would I leave you out when you've been here so long ? Adam closes the diary. IANTO : Like I'm remembering a man who doesn't exist. Adam's face scrunches up in anger. He deliberately drops the diary. The hand holding the diary flickers. Adam grabs his arm to steady it. Ianto watches. Adam's arm solidifies. Ianto looks at Adam. IANTO : What are you ? Adam grabs Ianto and slams him up against the wall. ADAM : Cross me, and I will fill you full of fake memories until your head is on fire, because that's how I exist. Ianto pushes Adam away from him. IANTO : Gwen ? What did you do to her ? Adam advances toward Ianto, who backs away from him. ADAM : Memory is a very delicate thing. Feeding myself in wiped other memories out. It's a side-effect of what I have to do in order to survive. IANTO : Jack has to know. Adam slams Ianto up against the wall and places his palm flat against Ianto's forehead. Ianto gasps and chokes. ADAM : Remember this. INSERT : FAKE MEMORY It's night. Ianto is choking a woman. He throws her onto a mattress on the ground against a wall in an alley. ADAM (v.o.) : I know you didn't mean to kill her. Ianto kneels in front of the woman and pushes her back down as she fights him off. ADAM (v.o.) : You just couldn't stop yourself. BACK TO SCENE Adam grabs Iantos' forehead again. Ianto gasps and chokes. ADAM (firmly) : Remember this. INSERT : FAKE MEMORY Ianto punches the woman. BACK TO SCENE Ianto grunts from the force memory, Adam's hand is firmly on his forehead. INSERT : FAKE MEMORY Ianto holds the woman down onto the mattress as she fights him. BACK TO SCENE Ianto groans from the forced memory. He slides down the side of the wall with Adam's hand still on his forehead. Ianto plops down on the floor. INSERT : DISTORTED FAKE MEMORY Ianto looks at Adam. IANTO : I didn't do that. INSERT : FAKE MEMORY Adam is standing in another alley. It's a rainy night. ADAM : Oh, yes, you did, and she wasn't the first. He turns and steps out of view. A woman runs toward the closed warehouse door. She cowers as Ianto approaches her. WOMAN : Please don't hurt me ! ADAM (v.o.) : Good old Ianto, loyal Ianto. [SCENE_BREAK] Yet another night and another alleyway. Ianto follows behind a woman walking, unnoticed that he's there. ADAM (v.o.) : Roaming the streets at night for bait.' BACK TO SCENE Ianto looks at Adam. IANTO (gasps) : My... diary! INSERT : FAKE MEMORY It's night. Adam and Ianto are walking through an alley. Adam is holding the diary as Ianto staggers and leans on him. ADAM : All human record is a lie. Adam tosses the diary away. He hooks his elbow around Ianto's neck. ADAM : You twist it into what you want to believe. DISTORTED FAKE MEMORY Ianto is leaning up against the warehouse door. BACK TO SCENE Ianto backs away from Adam, who is towering over him. ADAM : But we know the rot in your heart. You crave flesh. IANTO (gasps) : No. Please. Adam grabs Ianto and holds onto his head, forcing the fake memory into him. Ianto gasps. INSERT : FAKE MEMORY Adam grabs Ianto's head. They are back in the alley. ADAM (firmly) : Remember it. IANTO (screams) : Aaargh ! VARIOUS CUTS OF : FAKE MEMORIES Ianto punches the woman in the stomach, slamming her back against the warehouse door. She gasps from fear. He grabs her face. ADAM : Remember it. Remember it ! CLOSE ON : ADAM In another alley. Up on the alley wall behind him are two shadows. The Ianto shadow slugs the woman shadow. DISTORTED FAKE MEMORY Ianto leans into the terrified woman against the warehouse door. ADAM (v.o.) : Remember it ! BACK TO SCENE Adam holds onto Ianto's head. Ianto screams. IANTO : Aaargh ! INSERT : FAKE MEMORY Adam and Ianto are carrying the body in a rolled-up blanket between them through the alley and they dump it into a garbage bin. ADAM : I helped you dump the bodies. Adam puts a hand on Ianto's shoulder. ADAM : It's me you call. BACK TO SCENE Adam kisses Ianto. He holds Ianto up against his chest. ADAM : You know, I forgot what a rush it is, feeding in the bad stuff. Ianto cowers and clings to Adam. Adam is through with Ianto. He pats him on the forehead and walks away. Ianto turns this way and that way. INSERT : CUTS OF BAD MEMORY Ianto is back in the rainy alley. He's on the ground. Where is he exactly, he doesn't know. He's back in the hub. Ianto is sitting in the rainy alley. He turns and gasps as he sees the dead woman slumped against the warehouse door. He yells with fright. He curls up on the ground, hugs his knees to his chest and cries. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT Jack is looking out at the city below. He remembers. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) IN FRONT BUILDING - DAY - MEMORY TOP VIEW DOWN : A woman runs out of the building toward Young Jack, who is kneeling next to Franklin's dead body. She kneels next to her husband's body. JACK'S MOM : Franklin ? Franklin, wake up. (Sobs). Please ! He doesn't stir. She bows her head and cries. YOUNG JACK (reaches out) : Mom ? She turns and hugs Young Jack. JACK'S MOM : Where's Gray ? Young Jack's face falls. He doesn't know and probably just realizes that Gray's not there. JACK'S MOM : Where's Gray ? Where is he, son ? (Firmly). Where is he ? YOUNG JACK : We were running so fast. VARIOUS FLASHES OF : Youngs Jack and Gray are holding hands and running along with the other people. JACK'S MOM : No. YOUNG JACK : One moment, his hand was in mine... Young Jack and Gray are running. Gray trips and falls, breaking the contact. Young Jack continues running. JACK'S MOM : No, not my little boy ! She cries. Young Jack stands up and takes a step back as he looks at his mom. JACK'S MOM : Not my little boy ! Jack is standing just behind Young Jack. JACK : Why now ? BACK TO SCENE JACK : Why now ? Jack turns and looks out at the city. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT Rhys is sitting on the edge of the bed. Gwen steps into the room wearing a pink bathrobe over her pajamas. She removes her robe, drops it on the floor and slips into bed. RHYS : Anything ? GWEN : It's still a bit of a blur, but I'm getting there. RHYS : That's all we've got, really. Memories. That's what brought us to here... to this point. GWEN : We found it before, we'll find it again. RHYS : You know, I, um... (clears throat) ... I always worried that you'd... that you'd just settled for me, you know. 'Cause if you met me now, Gwen, with all that goes on in your life, could be that you wouldn't look twice at me. GWEN: Don't say that. He kisses her. RHYS : Do you remember that ? GWEN : No. It felt like the first time. But it was nice. Rhys smiles. He leans forward and kisses her neck. Gwen pulls away. GWEN : I like that. RHYS : I know. GWEN : Remind me some more. She nods toward the bed. They share a smile and lie down out of camera frame. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TOSHIKO'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT Adam and Toshiko are kissing and undressing each other. Toshiko pulls Adam's shirt up and over his head. They're panting and kissing heavily. She pushes him backward onto the bed. WIDE SHOT of the room shows her shoes discarded on the floor near a nearly empty bottle of wine and two partiallyfilled glasses. Toshiko crawls over Adam and kisses his chest and up to his mouth. He rolls them over as they continue to kiss. He pulls back and looks at her. She touches his lips. TOSHIKO : What's wrong ? ADAM : How far would you go for me ? She reaches for his jeans. He grabs her hand and stops her. ADAM : I need to know. She leans forward to kiss him, but he pulls back out of her reach. ADAM : Would you die for me ? TOSHIKO (nods) : Yes. They kiss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - NIGHT Jack returns. He heads up the stairs. IANTO (o.s., whispers) : Jack. Jack stops. He turns. JACK (smiles) : Ianto. Jack starts back down the stairs, making his way toward Ianto, who is sitting with his back to the spiral stairs in the coffee area. JACK : Hey. (As he gets closer, he sees that Ianto isn't looking good). What's wrong ? IANTO : You'll have to put me in the vaults. Lock me up. I killed three girls. (Sniffles). Strangled them. JACK (doesn't believe it) : Stop kidding around. IANTO : I'm serious. I murdered them, in cold blood. I took their bodies, and... Ianto surges noisily to his feet. He looks around, obviously still trapped in his bad memories. Jack watches him carefully. IANTO : You have to lock me away... before I turn on you. None of you are safe. Ianto starts past Jack. Jack grabs Ianto's arm to stop him. JACK : Hey, hey. (He grabs and turns Ianto around to look at him). Come here, come here. What's happened to you ? Jack holds Ianto. IANTO (whispers) : I'm a monster. And he truly believes it, too. TIME CUT TO : INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - NIGHT Jack is sitting at his desk and setting up a machine with a green light pointed toward Ianto, who is sitting on the other side of the desk with his sleeves rolled up and arms on the arm rest. The machine beeps. JACK : Best lie detector on the planet. If something's untrue, the light turns red. (Flicks the switch). Go. The green light on the machine turns on and off. IANTO : My... hands on her throat. INSERT : VARIOUS FLASHES OF DISTORTED FAKE MEMORY Ianto chokes the woman in the alley. IANTO : And it felt so good. Squeezing the life out of her. Jack continues to look at the machine. The green light continues to flash. IANTO : It reads as truth. Jack looks at Ianto. JACK (firmly) : I don't believe it. Okay, tell me about the second girl. INSERT : VARIOUS FLASHES OF FAKE MEMORY It's a rainy night. The woman runs up against the warehouse door. IANTO : She tried to get away... Distorted : Ianto chokes the woman. IANTO : ... but I was too quick. Pleading... and I... I didn't care. Something in me wants to kill. Jack looks at Ianto over the green light. JACK : No. This is not you. He grabs the light off the machine and it goes out. He gets to his feet and walks around the desk. JACK : Something's changed you. You're not a murderer. He passes Ianto and puts a hand on his shoulder. JACK : I'm certain of it. INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS - CONTINUOUS Jack is at one of the workstations. He's typing on the keyboard, going through the CCTV security video from inside the hub. He finds something, a video of Ianto cowering on the floor. ADAM (from video) : All human record is a lie. (On the video, Ianto tries to get away). You crave flesh. Remember this. Jack can't believe what he's seeing. From the video, Ianto screams. Jack goes back further on the CCTV video. He finds a clip of Adam with Toshiko. ADAM (from video) : A year ago today... (He puts a hand on Toshiko's neck). You remembered. INSERT : FLASHBACK Adam puts his hand on Toshiko's neck. ADAM (clearer) : Do you remember that ? BACK TO SCENE On the video, they watch as Adam kisses Toshiko. Jack looks for more clips. He finds one of Gwen just entering the hub. GWEN (from video) : Who the hell is this ? Adam walks up to Gwen. ADAM (from video) : Just 'cause that's what I said to you on your first day, remember ? On the video, Adam puts his hand on Gwen's shoulder. Jack rewinds the video. ADAM (from video) : Remember ? FLASH TO : EARLIER Adam puts his hand on Gwen's shoulder. Jack watches from just behind Adam. ADAM (from video) : Remember ? BACK TO SCENE Jack remembers something else. VARIOUS FLASHES OF : EARLIER ADAM (clearer) : Well, I came with you, Jack, remember ? Adam puts his hand on Jack's shoulder. ADAM : Remember ? (Adam's hand is on Jack's shoulder). Remember. Jack remembers what Adam said. ADAM (v.o.) : I can help you, that's why I'm here. BACK TO SCENE Jack turns to get Ianto, who is sitting on the steps in the back. The video continues to run on the computer. ADAM (from video) : Remember this. Jack grabs Ianto's wrist and pulls him. Ianto resists him. IANTO : No. Jack pulls him toward the workstation monitor. JACK : Come here. Come here, just look. (Points) Look. On the monitor, Adam touches Ianto's forehead, forcing the memory into him. ADAM (from video) : Remember it. Ianto screams. ADAM (from video) : Remember it. Remember it. Remember it. Remember it. TIME CUT TO : INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS Jack opens the refrigerator door, looking for the team's blood samples. He pulls out the entire tray. He checks each vial. Jack looks at Ianto, who is sitting on the floor nearby. JACK : Where's Adam's blood sample ? Ianto gets up and goes to the workstation. He pulls up Adam's personnel information. IANTO : Everything's in order here. JACK : When was it last updated ? IANTO : Um... (He checks). Twenty-four hours ago. The overhead lights switch on. Ianto quickly changes the monitor screen and gets up out of the chair. Jack turns away and picks up a book. He casually opens and looks at it. Owen stumbles in carrying a large bouquet of flowers. They stop and stare at each other for a beat. Suddenly, sounds of the cog door opening are heard. Owen puts the flowers down on Toshiko's workstation. Ianto moves quickly past him and disappears up the spiral stairs in the back. Owen looks at Jack and removes his jacket as he heads toward the autopsy area. Jack is left holding the book. TOSHIKO (o.s., giggles) : Stop it! ADAM (o.s.) : You like it. Off screen we hear Toshiko's soft giggles. Jack turns and heads back to his office. Toshiko stops and sees the flowers on her workstation. TOSHIKO : Oh... Adam steps away. Toshiko smells the flowers and looks for a card. Owen steps up out of the autopsy area and heads toward Toshiko. TOSHIKO : Owen... OWEN : About last night... um... it was selfish of me. Adam sits in the nearby chair and watches Toshiko and Owen. Jack stands in his office and watches Adam. TOSHIKO : Owen, I think the world of you... OWEN : I know. I'm really sorry. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. The most important thing is that you're happy. TOSHIKO : Thank you. He takes a couple of steps to leave, then stops and turns back to Toshiko. OWEN : Tosh... you are... (He turns and indicates Adam) ... you are happy with Adam, aren't you ? TOSHIKO : Completely. OWEN (nods) : Okay. Owen leaves. Adam watches him go and smirks. He looks up and sees Ianto up on the far back catwalk. Gwen walks in. GWEN : Hey. TOSHIKO : Hey, how are you today ? GWEN : Um, things are coming back slowly. (Adam gets up and heads toward them). Rhys thought I shouldn't come into work, but... ADAM (interrupts) : Hey, we'll look after you. You just have to give yourself time. (Motions). Come on, group hug. Jack watches them from his office and doesn't move. Adam, Toshiko, Gwen and Owen share a group hug. Ianto makes his way down the spiral stairs. ADAM : Battersea, Remember that Greek place up to 3 am ? GWEN (giggles) : All those plates smashing. OWEN : (indistinct) GWEN : You try it after seven (indistinct) Ianto rolls his eyes and walks past them. ADAM : Hey Ianto, come here. Ianto stops. Adam breaks away from the group and follows Ianto. He takes his jacket off. Ianto turns around and looks at Adam. ADAM : You all right, mate ? Adam reaches for Ianto, who pulls out of his reach. ADAM (sneers) : Listen, I could murder a coffee. Adam heads for the workstation. Ianto takes a breath and looks away. Adam sits down at the workstation. He turns the monitor on and sits back in his chair. Just behind him, Jack cocks his gun pointed at Adam's head. Gwen and Owen turn around. Toshiko stops and watches. Everyone is stunned. JACK : Talk to me, Adam. If that's even your name. Adam swivels around and laughs. ADAM : What ? GWEN (chuckles nervously) : What are you doing, Jack ? JACK : He's not who you think he is. He's been feeding himself into our memories, by touch. TOSHIKO : Is this some kind of sick joke ? JACK : He didn't exist until two days ago. ADAM : Can somebody tell me what's going on, please ? OWEN : Jack, we've known him for years. He is part of the team. JACK : No. He just made you think that. ADAM : Come on, Jack. Adam reaches for Jack. JACK : Ah-ah-ah ! You don't get to me like that. Adam pulls back. ADAM : Jack, you know me. You recruited me three years ago. JACK : All I know is that when I think of my team, I see you there, but I don't feel anything for you. No pride, no warmth... You, the one who I can confide in, the one who unburied the dead. GWEN : Jack, maybe you've just forgotten him. Like I did with Rhys, yeah ? JACK : Oh I should have spotted it then. That wasn't stress. That was him. By making us think we know him, he disturbs our real memories. ADAM : I have no idea what you're talking about. JACK : I'm taking him to the vaults ! Jack grabs Adam by his shirt front and yanks him out of the chair. ADAM : Jack, this is ridiculous. Jack pushes Adam in front of him and they head down the stairs toward the vaults. JACK : Move ! A gun cocks. TOSHIKO : No ! Toshiko has her gun on Jack. Owen and Gwen both take a step toward Toshiko. GWEN : Tosh ! OWEN : Tosh ! Toshiko swings around and points her gun at them and Ianto. OWEN : That's not gonna help. GWEN: It's fine. JACK (o.s.) : Toshiko ? Toshiko swings around and points the gun at Jack again. JACK (quietly) : I'm just going to lock him up. Ianto is behind Toshiko, slowly inching his way closer to her. Adam looks at Toshiko. TOSHIKO : Let him go. JACK : I'm not going to harm him. TOSHIKO : Why should I believe you ? OWEN : Tosh, Tosh, we can talk about this. She looks at Owen, then swings back to Jack. TOSHIKO : Drop the gun, Jack ! Ianto grabs the gun from Toshiko and wrestles it out of her grip. GWEN : sh1t ! Ianto keeps a firm grip on Toshiko's wrists as she fights him. TOSHIKO (screams) : Don't ! Get off me ! Adam ! JACK (to Adam) : This is what you've done to us. Move ! Toshiko pushes Owen and Ianto away from her. TOSHIKO (cries) : Get off ! (Screams). Adam ! TIME CUT TO : INT. THE HUB - VAULTS Adam is locked up in one of the cells. He slams his hands against the glass and pants loudly. Jack is standing outside. Again, Adam slams his hands up against the glass. ADAM : Don't kill me. I had to become part of your memories in order to survive. I didn't mean any harm. JACK : You've changed us. ADAM : For the better. You didn't remember who you were. I helped you. Look at Owen, all his cynicism gone. He's a different man now. Selfless, happier. And Toshiko, too; she's never been this confident. JACK : How did you come here ? Why us ? ADAM : All of you have such unique memories, especially you, Jack. All those extraordinary memories you hold, some hidden, some absent. Your singular mind. That's what drew me here. Jack puts his hand on the glass just over Adam's hand. JACK : Good job. It's what we do best... wipe out aliens. ADAM : You can't shoot me. (Jack turns and walks away). You made me live. And you always remember what you killed... Jack stops. ADAM (sneers) : Don't you, Jack ? Jack leaves. Adam leans his forehead against the glass. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Jack stands at the head of the conference table in front of the monitor with the CCTV showing Adam in his cell. JACK : Our memories define us. Adam changed those memories... changed who we are. Now I have to help you all go back, find a memory that defines you. Rediscover who you are. If I'm wrong, he'll still be here when we've done this. Jack presses the control button and turns the CCTV camera off. He puts on a swirly video pattern. JACK (softly) : Let me take you back to before we all met... Jack presses the control button and dims the lights in the room. JACK (softly) : Feel around for anything that makes you what you are... the hidden and the forgotten. Tell me where you are. Everyone is quiet, unmoving and staring out in front of them. Voiceover thoughts intercut with actual speaking out loud. GWEN (v.o.) : The college canteen... Rhys is sitting opposite me, telling stupid jokes. RHYS (v.o.) : Where do you find a tortoise with no legs ? Where you left it. Gwen's mouth twitches in a smile. Jack watches her. In her mind, we hear Rhys laugh. Gwen laughs out loud. OWEN (v.o.) : It's my birthday. I'm ten. Jack turns and looks at Owen. OWEN (v.o.) : Mum spends the whole day screaming, (says out loud) "I love you because you're my son... (v.o.)... but that doesn't mean I have to like you." TOSHIKO (v.o.) : Maths club. (out loud) Something so reliable about maths... (v.o.). Always the right answer. Ianto smiles. IANTO (v.o.) : Meeting Lisa. (out loud) Falling in love... (v.o.)... never felt so alive. OWEN (v.o.) : I turn 16. She packs my bags. (out loud) That is the nicest thing you've done for me in years, Mother. GWEN (v.o.) : Kissing him in the supermarket. (out loud) The look on his face. TOSHIKO (v.o.) : My first flat. (out loud) I don't have a flat-warming. (v.o.) There's no one I want to invite. IANTO (v.o.) : Losing Lisa. (out loud) Like the world had ended. Jack is looking at Ianto. GWEN (v.o.) : The way he looks at me sometimes... as if he's scared of what he feels for me, I... (out loud) ... I love him. Jack straightens. He's not looking at her. Gwen turns and looks straight at Jack. GWEN : But not in the way I love you. Jack holds out his hand. JACK : Take this. Gwen picks up the small white pill and looks at it. TOSHIKO (v.o.) : Knowing there has to be more to life than this. Jack gently touches Gwen's cheek and moves on. Toshiko's face is wet with tears. TOSHIKO (v.o.) : Knowing I'm special... (out loud) ... waiting for someone to see it. Jack puts a hand on her shoulder. She turns and looks up at him. JACK (hoarsely) : I saw it. He puts the small white pill on the table in front of her and moves on. Toshiko looks down at the table. OWEN (v.o.) : You save one life, a hundred lives but it's, it's never enough. (out loud). Who'll save me ? Jack holds Owen's shoulder. Owen looks at him. JACK : I will. Jack puts the small white pill on the table. He moves on. IANTO (v.o.) : Coming here... (out loud) ... gave me meaning again. (Ianto looks at Jack). You. Jack tenderly kisses Ianto's forehead. He puts the white pill on the table in front of Ianto. He goes back to the head of the table. JACK : You each have a short-tern amnesia pill. It'll make you forget Adam. We have to wipe out the last 48 hours from our memories, go back to who we were. Ianto picks up the pill and swallows it with some water. INTERCUT WITH : INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - CONTINUOUS Adam is in the cell. He breathes heavily and leans his head against the glass. INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Gwen takes the pill with some water. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - CONTINUOUS Adam slams his head and hands against the glass. He blurs and pants heavily. INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Toshiko turns and looks at Owen. He looks back at her. Owen takes the pill and removes his geeky glasses, putting them on the table. Toshiko hesitates. She reaches for the control panel and presses the button, putting the camera in the vaults back on the monitor. Adam appears on the screen. TOSHIKO : I'm going to lose so much. JACK : None of it was real. TOSHIKO : He loved me... and I loved him. It's no different from real memory. He touches her face. JACK : He forced it on you. You have to let it go. She turns and looks at the monitor. Jack puts the pill in her hand and she sits down. She takes the pill and looks at the monitor. TOSHIKO : Goodbye, Adam. Toshiko puts her head on the table and closes her eyes. Gwen starts to fall asleep and Jack reaches for her, gently putting her head down on the table. Everyone is sleeping at the table. Jack walks out of the room. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - CONTINUOUS Adam is in his cell, sitting on the concrete seat. Jack walks up to the glass. Adam lifts his head and looks at him. JACK : Just me left. ADAM : Jack, I know what it's like not to exist. Please don't send me back there. JACK : I have to. ADAM : What are you gonna do ? Jack shows him the small white pill. JACK : This will wipe out the past two days. ADAM : Well, you'll still keep the bad memories. Because they were always yours. But what about the good times, Jack ? What about the last good memory of you and your dad ? JACK : It's lost. ADAM : I can help you find it. I can take you back there. Before I die. JACK : Why would you do that ? ADAM : I was in the void for so long, the colors of this world almost blinded me, Jack. It was so beautiful after the darkness and the stench of fear. You gave me that. Let me do this for you. Come on. You want this. He does. Jack hesitates as he considers it. He closes his eyes and remembers. JACK : It's early evening... EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Young Jack and his father are playing baseball. The sounds of the ocean off screen. Young Jack tosses the ball, Franklin hits it and starts running for the bases. They're laughing and having a grand time together. JACK (v.o.) : Just me and Dad. Young Jack gets the ball and dives for the base. FRANKLIN : Oh, no, you don't ! No, you don't ! Young Jack reaches the base first with Franklin chasing after him. YOUNG JACK : You're out ! They laugh. FRANKLIN (sighs loudly) : Ah, ah, ah... You know, one day, you're not going to want to play with your old dad any more. YOUNG JACK : Never. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS ADAM : Are you there ? JACK : Yeah. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Gray runs up to them. JACK (v.o.) : Me, Dad and... GRAY : Dad ! Mom said I could play too. JACK (v.o.) : ... Gray. YOUNG JACK : Hey, Gray ! Young Jack runs up to him, hugs him and swings him around and around. FRANKLIN : Hey, Gray. All right, son. One more. Franklin tosses the ball to Young Jack, who catches it. YOUNG JACK : Okay. Young Jack tosses it to Franklin. Franklin hits it and it goes flying past Young Jack. Jack is standing in the back watching the memory play out. YOUNG JACK : Whoa, I'll get it. Young Jack turns and runs after the ball. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS JACK (laughs) : I'm running for the ball ! EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Young Jack reaches the edge of the hill where it dips downward. Someone is there holding the ball. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS This part of the memory isn't familiar with Jack and his smile fades. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Young Jack runs down the side of the hill toward the boy, tossing the ball up and catching it with one hand. JACK (v.o.) : Some other boy is there. I don't know who. YOUNG ADAM : Can I play ? YOUNG JACK : Who are you ? YOUNG ADAM : My name's Adam. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS Jack shakes his head. This isn't right. Adam watches Jack, manipulating himself into Jack's memory. ADAM : Let me play. Before it gets dark. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY YOUNG ADAM : There's lots of room. Young Jack pushes Young Adam down. Behind them, Franklin and Gray appear at the top of the hill. Franklin saw that. FRANKLIN : Hey ! What are you doing ? Franklin runs down the hill toward them. FRANKLIN : Are you all right ? Young Adam stands up. YOUNG ADAM : I just want to play. FRANKLIN : He can play. YOUNG JACK : No ! No, no, he doesn't belong here. I don't want him playing with us. YOUNG ADAM (offers his hand) : I'm Adam. YOUNG JACK : Don't touch my dad. Young Jack pushes Young Adam down again. FRANKLIN (to Jack) : Hey, easy ! Are you all right, Adam ? Franklin offers his hand and helps Adam back up to his feet. This time, it's adult Adam and he's inside Jack's memory. ADAM : Yes, he just doesn't want to share. FRANKLIN : Right. (To Young Jack) : Well, if you're going to behave that way, we're going home. Franklin turns to leave. YOUNG JACK : No. What ?! FRANKLIN : Come on, Gray. Franklin and Gray walk away from Adult Jack, who is in his own memory. JACK : No ! We don't leave yet. We play some more, it gets dark, we light a fire... Mum joins us. Franklin looks back at Jack deliberately. FRANKLIN (to Gray) : Come on, son. I'll race you. GRAY : Race you ! They leave Young Jack with Adult Adam. YOUNG JACK : Dad ! Young Jack turns to Adult Adam. YOUNG JACK : You did this. You spoiled it. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS ADAM : I made it happen. YOUNG JACK (v.o.) : Dad ! EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Young Jack runs up the hill after them. YOUNG JACK : Dad, I love you. Adult Jack runs down the hill. Thunder rumbles in the distance. Dark clouds fill the sky. JACK : Dad ! Gray ! Dad ! INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS JACK (crying) : I want the real memory back. ADAM : Then let me live. That box you found contains my last good memory of you, your dad and Gray. You see, I'm a part of it now and I'll always live as long as you remember it. JACK : That's why you took me back ? ADAM : Wasn't it lovely ? Playing in the sand, no-one knowing what was ahead... your dad laughing. Gray, safe and happy. Jack stares back flatly at Adam. He reaches down and takes out the small white pill. ADAM : I don't want to die ! You take that pill and you will lose everything I've given you. Wipe me out now and you will lose all your memories of your father. He will cease to have existed for you. JACK : Goodbye, Adam. Jack takes the pill and bites down on it. Adam doubles over and grunts in pain. Jack staggers to the side, his hand on the wall. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Adult Jack is walking along the beach against the harsh wind blowing. His memory is fading. JACK : Dad ! Gray ! INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS Adam clutches his stomach in pain. Jack waits. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY JACK (shouts) : Come back ! (Echoes). It wasn't like this ! INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS Adam looks at his hand. It blurs. Adam blurs. He flickers in and out of existence. Jack turns and leans against the wall. Adam fades out. Jack slides down the wall and sits on the floor. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Jack stands on the beach against the harsh wind. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - ADAM'S CELL - CONTINUOUS Jack coughs and slowly falls asleep. EXT. (BOESHANE PENINSULA) BEACH - DAY - MEMORY Jack is left alone on the beach in a haze of wind that obscures him from vision. The memory of that day fades quickly. JACK (shouts) : Dad ! Gray ! INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - CONTINUOUS Jack sits on the floor outside the empty cell. With one last sob, he puts his head down and sleeps. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CARDIFF BAY (STOCK) - DAY Overhead view of the bay area. Bright sunny day over calm waters. INT. THE HUB - VAULTS - MORNING Jack is slumped on the floor, sleeping. He wakes up and looks around. He takes a deep breath. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - DAY Owen is at his workstation. They're in yesterday's clothes. Toshiko is at her workstation in the back. Jack walks in. GWEN : Jack ? How have we lost two days ? JACK : What d'you mean ? IANTO : The last 48 hours. None of us can remember a thing. TOSHIKO : The system's blank, the CCTV's been wiped. What's been going on ? What've we been doing ? JACK (thinks about it) : I don't know. OWEN : Great. That's two days of my life that I'll never get back ! Jack motions to the flowers at Toshiko's workstation. JACK : Looks like Toshiko got herself a secret admirer, though. OWEN (puts on jacket) : Oh, yeah ? TOSHIKO (reads) : To Tosh, love and apologies, Owen. (Smiles). They're from you ! OWEN (snorts) : In your dreams, Tosh. I think someone's winding you up, darling... No, I don't do flowers... (Owen takes the card from Toshiko and reads it himself). And I definitely don't do apologies. Her face falls. He gives her the card back and gives her a small smile. He turns to leave. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY Jack takes out the box artefact from a plastic bag. It was on his desk. Something small falls out. He looks at it. It's a small piece of the box. He picks it up and looks at it. Ianto walks in. IANTO : Did you, uh, call ? Jack holds up the book. JACK : Found your diary. IANTO (holds out his hand) : Yep, been looking for that. He takes the diary from Jack and turns to leave, his back to Jack. JACK : And for the record... measuring tapes never lie. IANTO (mouths silently) : Oh, f*ck. Ianto leaves the room quickly. JACK (shouts) : Hey ! Jack holds up the Torchwood plastic artefact bag. On it is written, "ADAM'S PROPERTY". Ianto pops back into the office. IANTO : Yep ? JACK : Who's Adam ? IANTO : Don't know. Ianto pops back out. Jack looks at the plastic bag, then puts it down. He looks at the small piece which could possibly be a key of sorts. He looks at the box, turning it around. He finds the pattern at the top of the box and fits the key piece into it. It snaps into place. Nothing happens. Jack puts the box down on the desk and starts for the door. The box opens. Jack stops, turns around and looks at the box. He heads back to his desk, picks up the box and looks inside. He pours out fine sand into the palm of his hand. That's all. He puts the box down on the desk and looks at the sand as it slips out between his fingers. He stops and thinks about it. He drops the last of the sand onto the desk and we...

When Adam, an alien with the power to change memories infiltrates the team, the entire dynamic of The Hub shifts. With Captain Jack caught up in memories of his lost family, Gwen struggling to remember Rhys, and Ianto convinced that he's a murderer... it costs the entire team dearly to rid themselves of Adam's influence.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_08x06

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_08x06_0

[ The apartment ] Bernadette: I like your suit. Penny: Oh, thanks. Got a couple new outfits for work. Howard: How does it feel knowing your fianc e's job is to go out and flirt with doctors, looking like that, while you sit here, you know, looking like this? Leonard: She doesn't flirt with doctors. Penny: Yeah. It's all very professional. Amy: You know when you bend over, I can see down your shirt? Penny: Okay, good. Bernadette: Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon? Sheldon: Oh, yeah, I'd have to say it's the most exiting time in the history of the field. Bernadette: Oh. What's going on? Sheldon: I started doing it. Raj: You know, the government funded the biggest experiment yet to detect dark matter. Leonard: Yeah, I've read about that, they're sending research teams down into abandoned salt mines. Raj: You know, Sheldon, if we apply to be one of those teams, we could be on the ground floor of something big, not just for theoretical physics but for astrophysics as well. Penny: Wait, hang on, you guys are gonna work in a mine? Sheldon: Why not? Penny: You had a panic attack when we went through the car wash. Sheldon: Perhaps the emotion you're referring to was shock at you having something cleaned. Leonard: I think what Penny meant is, the thought of you two in a mine is kind of funny, it's like a cat riding a Roomba. Howard:If they get scared, they'll have those hats with the lights on them, 'cause down there it's night-night all the time. Bernadette: Maybe they could ride around in one of those mine carts that go (squeakily) ee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo. Leonard: Yeah, it'll help them get away when they see a g-g-ghost. Sheldon:Are they making fun of us? Raj: Yup. Sheldon: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell. [SCENE_BREAK] Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state [SCENE_BREAK] Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! [SCENE_BREAK] The Earth began to cool [SCENE_BREAK] The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools [SCENE_BREAK] We built the Wall [SCENE_BREAK] We built the pyramids [SCENE_BREAK] Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery [SCENE_BREAK] That all started with a big bang [SCENE_BREAK] Bang! [SCENE_BREAK] The Big Bang Theory 8x06 [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Leonard: So, one of my favourite video games of all time is called Shadow of the Colossus, and it was only for PlayStation 2, but then they came out with a new version for PS3 with better graphics. I finally got the chance to play it, and for some reason, it just wasn't as good as the first one. Or something about yoga. Penny: I'm sorry, I was thinking about work. Leonard: Well, I was just saying that there was this video game... Penny: Yeah, that's when I started thinking about work. Uh, listen, I've got some good news. Leonard: Hmm. Penny: This is for you. Leonard: Huh. What is this? Penny: Well, you know how they gave me the company car? Didn't make sense to have two, so I sold the other one. Leonard: The one I gave you? Penny: Yeah. And there's your money back, and now we're even. How great is that? Leonard: Uh, yeah. Penny: What? Leonard: Nothing. Penny: Oh, come on, Leonard, I know the car was a thoughtful gesture and I really appreciate it, but it doesn't make sense to have both. Leonard: You're right. Penny: What should I have done? Taken a picture of us in the car and put it in a pink frame with puffy paint around it that says best fianc ever? Leonard: Doesn't sound that bad. Penny: Well, good, because that's what I did. Leonard: Aw, oh, thank you. That is so sweet. Penny: Well, it's not that sweet, I paid for the frame with your money and then got a massage. Leonard: You know what, you don't have to give me this. You keep it. Penny: Why? Leonard: The car was a gift, it was something you needed. I was happy to help you out. Penny: And I really appreciate it, but now I don't need it, so here you go. Leonard: Well, this is silly, so you don't need the car, but you could use it to buy yourself something else, like a new purse to put all this money in. Penny: Sweetie, I can buy my own stuff. I have a good job now. Leonard: I know, and I'm proud of you, but that doesn't mean I can't do something nice. Like this. Penny: Okay, I don't want this to turn into a fight. Leonard: I don't, either. Penny: Great. Thank you. Can you pass the salt, please? Leonard: Sure. In my mind, that broke the tension with comedy and led to s*x. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sheldon's office ] Raj: Hey, Sheldon, you busy? Sheldon: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies. Raj: Don't they lay eggs on a rock? Sheldon: Now I've got room for another thing. What do you want? Raj: So, I did a little research on what the conditions are like in the mines, and the guys might be right, sounds pretty rough down there. For starters, it's very humid, and about a hundred degrees. Sheldon: Well, I'm from Texas and you're from India, we're no strangers to the fragrant armpit. Next. Raj: It's also a live mine, so there'll be dynamite explosions going off in the distance. Sheldon: Yeah, I have a lactose intolerant roommate with a taste for ice cream. Next. Raj: Oh, you have to be down there for 12 hours at a time. Sheldon: Yeah? We have to be somewhere. Raj: Well, there's no toilets, we'll have to do our business in a bucket. Sheldon: So it's settled, we're not doing it. Raj: Look, I get it, but before we pass up on an incredible opportunity, I was thinking about when Howard was training to go to space, they put him in a simulated environment. Sheldon: Interesting. You're suggesting that we recreate the conditions of the mine to see if we can handle it. Raj: Exactly. Sheldon: Very well. Raj: So where should we do it? Sheldon: Well, I'll just Google hot, dark and moist, see what comes up. Raj: Uh, Sheldon... Sheldon: Oh, there, well, look, there's all kinds of videos. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Leonard: Hey, you got a sec? Penny: Hi. Sure. Leonard: I was hoping we could talk about the money again. Penny: Oh, sweetie, just forget about it. Leonard: No, no, no, no, hear me out. I know things got a little weird last night. Penny: Well, leaving an envelope full of cash on my dresser after s*x would count as weird. Leonard: Well, I think I came up with a pretty good solution. Penny: Mm. Leonard: Why don't we just put the money in a joint account? It'll be our first money together. We can use it for the wedding, the honeymoon, whatever. Penny: You know what, that's great. I love that. Leonard: Yeah, of course you do, I'm not just a genius in bed. You sure are, baby. Penny: You two want to be alone? Leonard: I want you to know I get why you don't want the money, you've got this new job, you're excited about being financially independent, and I am nothing but proud of you. Penny: Oh, thank you so much. It feels so good to hear you say that. And I want you to know that I get this job kind of changes the balance in our relationship, and I'm trying to be sensitive to that. Leonard: What? Penny: Well, I just think that maybe you're a little hung up on the money because I'm less reliant on you now, and that's a little scary. Leonard: Hmm. Maybe. Or maybe I tried to do something nice and maybe you had a problem with it because of your control issues. Penny: Control issues? Leonard: Maybe. Penny: Or, maybe now that I'm no longer an out-of-work actress who can't pay for her own dinner, that makes you a little insecure. Leonard: Well, I can't believe you'd say that. You know how insecure I am about my insecurities. Penny: You know what? I'm sorry. It's stupid to fight over money. Leonard: Yeah, I'm sorry, too. We're about to share the rest of our lives together. It's our money, who cares who has it? Penny: Ugh, You're right, who cares? Mm. Get that money out of my back pocket or I will break your fingers. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The university basement ] Raj: Huh. All this time I never knew there were steam tunnels down here. Amy: Most universities have them. When I was an undergrad, I spent three days in one pledging a sorority. Raj: Did you get in? Amy: No. They forgot I was there. But it really opened up my pores. Sheldon: Well, according to my research, the steam tunnels below this access point should be the closest analog to the mines. Raj: This is gonna be so much more accurate than the steam room at the gym. Sheldon: Plus, there's almost no chance we'll see any of our coworkers half naked. Raj: Or totally naked. I love Howard, but the dude needs a little shame. Sheldon: All right, Amy, this walkie-talkie is yours. If we run into any problems, I'll contact you. And if anything bad happens, what's the rule? Amy: Save you first; come back for Raj only if there's time. Raj: We're going to be fine. Amy: Sheldon, I'm really impressed you're willing to try this. Sheldon: Well, admittedly, this brushes up against my well-known aversions to heat, small places, going below floor-level, dampness, hatches, ladders, darkness, echoes, and eliminating in Home Depot buckets. That last one is quite new, but I have a feeling that's gonna rocket to the top of the list. Raj: I'm sweating already. Sheldon: Yeah, as the person beneath you, allow me to say, I know. Raj: How hot is it? Sheldon: Uh, let's see. 704? No, wait, it's on clock. Uh, the real answer isn't much better. 102 degrees. Raj: Well, that's what we wanted. This is as hot as the mines will be. Sheldon: True. Sheldon's Mine Simulation Log, entry one. Koothrappali's restating of the obvious is already getting on my nerves. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ] Leonard: Thanks again for having us. Howard: Oh, of course. What did you guys want to talk about? Penny: Well, you know, now that we're engaged, we had some questions about how you handle money as a couple. Bernadette: I told you they weren't gonna ask us to swing with them. Howard: I didn't think they were going to. I just wanted to have a way to say no without hurting Leonard's feelings. Leonard: Well, nailed it. Howard: So what did you want to know? Penny: Well, do you guys ever fight over money? Bernadette: Sure, sometimes. I mean, it can be a little awkward since I make so much more money than Howie. Howard: You didn't have to say so much more. Bernadette: Well, I didn't have to, but for the sake of accuracy I felt that I should. Howard: I brought a lot of significant assets into the relationship, too. Bernadette: Like what? Your incomplete set of Star Trek collector plates? Howard: For your information, I just bought the last one I needed on eBay. Bernadette: Without asking me? Howard: There were only three minutes left in the auction and it was a mint condition Scotty from a smoke-free home. Bernadette: How much, Howie? Howard: Not a lot. Bernadette: How much? Howard: Let's not talk about this in front of our friends. Bernadette: Was it more or less than falconry school? Howard: For the tenth time, that was a Groupon. Leonard: Like I would swing with him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The steam tunnel ] Raj: How you feeling? Sheldon: Good. Little claustrophobic. Raj: Let's set up the equipment. It'll help take your mind off of it. Sheldon: Miners often sang mining songs to keep their spirits up. Raj: Do you know any mining songs? Sheldon: Just the hits. (Singing) Where it's dark as a dungeon, and it's damp as the dew. Rajj: That's pretty. Sheldon: Where the dangers are double, and the pleasures are few. Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines, yes, it's dark as a dungeon way down in the mine. Raj: It's a little more bleak than I thought. Sheldon: Well, I pray when I'm dead and the ages shall roll, that my body will blacken and turn into coal. Raj: Getting kind of grim. Sheldon: Then I'll look from the door of my heavenly home, and pity the miner that mines my poor bones. Raj: Okay. How 'bout a little Miley Cyrus next? Sheldon: Who's he? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ] Howard: Talk about wasted money. What about the late fees on our credit card because somebody didn't pay the bill on time? Bernadette: Well, maybe I would have paid it if I wasn't also doing everything else around here. Howard: Oh, you're saying I don't do anything around here. Look at my chore chart. Leonard: She made him a chore chart. Penny: I see it. Howard: Do the dishes. There's a star right there. Bernadette: That was a pity star. Putting water in the roasting pan and leaving it in the sink is not doing the dishes. Howard: That pan had to soak and you know it. Bernadette: Well, don't come crying to me when you don't get your allowance. Howard: It's not an allowance. It's a stipend, and we said we weren't gonna call it an allowance in front of my friends. Leonard: I usually don't like lemon bars, but these, these are really good. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The steam tunnel ] Raj: So, as Hannah Montana, Miley was a world-famous pop star. But then she would take off her wig and go to school like a normal girl. Which, I don't have to tell you, at that age, is its own headache. Sheldon: That's preposterous. How would she go unrecognized just by wearing a wig? Raj: But you're okay with Superman concealing his identity with a pair of glasses? Sheldon: He doesn't just put on a pair of glasses. He combs back his curlicue and affects a mild-mannered personality. Amy (shouting): You guys doing okay down there? Sheldon: I told you to use the walkie-talkie! Amy (on walkie-talkie): You guys doing okay down there? Sheldon: Please keep this channel clear for emergencies. Thank you. Amy: I'm going to the vending machine. Do you want anything? Sheldon: This is a simulation. We have to survive on the supplies we brought. Amy: Okay, just checking. Raj: We should have asked her to get some Funyuns. Sheldon: You're not going to have Funyuns when we're a mile below the surface of the Earth. Raj: What if we brought them down with us? Sheldon: We'll take some Funyuns. Amy: Anything else? Sheldon: Some York Peppermint Patties, a couple of Dr. Peppers, and run to Best Buy and see if they have a portable DVD player and season one of a show called Hannah Montana. Rajj: Have her get season two. Season one, it was still finding itself. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ] Bernadette: Sorry you guys had to see that. Penny: Oh, don't apologize. Leonard: Yeah. It just makes it a lot harder to pretend it never happened. Bernadette: Money's a sensitive subject for Howie because of the difference in our income. Penny: It really bothers him? Bernadette: Well, sure. There's still a lot of pressure on guys to be providers. So even though he's happy for me, it's just a little tough on him. Penny: Uh-oh. Leonard: What? Penny: Well, if I do well in sales, I could end up making a lot more money than you. Leonard: Not a problem. I grew up with a mother who emasculated my father financially and in every other aspect of his life, so really, it's what I think love looks like. Bernadette: I'll be right back. I'm gonna go check on him. Penny: Maybe it's a good thing we came here. It's like a lesson in what not to do. Leonard: Yeah I don't want something dumb like money to come between us. Penny: It won't. Let's just promise to figure this kind of stuff out before we get married. Howard (O.C.): Why are you being so bossy? Bernadette (O.C.): Why are you being a baby? Howard (O.C.): I'm not a baby. I'm a grown man, and I made the bed. Now where's my star? Leonard: Should we go? Penny: Hang on. I want to see if he gets the star. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The steam tunnel ] Raj: Oh, this heat is brutal. Sheldon: As someone from the tropical subcontinent of India, you should know that fanning yourself in a humid environment only raises your body temperature. Raj: Huh. That does explain why the servants used to look so hot while they were fanning me. Let's get our minds off how uncomfortable we are. We could take some more simulated instrument readings. Sheldon: My major focus at the moment is keeping my claustrophobia at bay. Raj: How's that going? Sheldon: You tell me. I feel like I can't breathe, and I am tempted to crack you open and suck the air right out of your lungs. Raj: Sheldon, if this is too much, we can stop. Sheldon: We're not stopping. Raj: You don't have to bite my head off. Sheldon: I apologize. I just, I'm plagued by an internal struggle. Raj: If you would just use the bucket, you'd be so much more comfortable. Sheldon: My struggle is emotional. Raj: Oh. Is it Amy? Sheldon: It's dark matter. When I entered the field of string theory, I was a prodigy. I rose to a position of respect, and I assumed my career would continue on that upward trajectory. Now here I am in my 30s, I'm back at square one. And, frankly, it's frightening. Raj: Sheldon, you know what I think of when I'm scared? Voyager. Sheldon: Voyager the space probe or Voyager the Star Trek TV show? Raj: The space probe. Sheldon: Good. Because I am too hot and tired to go on about how much I hate Voyager the TV show. Raj: By the time I was born, Voyager 1's mission was supposed to be over. It had seen Jupiter and Saturn and all their moons, but it kept going. When I left India for America, I was never more scared in my life. I had no idea what lay ahead. Whenever I feel that way, I think about how Voyager is still out there somewhere beyond our solar system, going further than anyone ever thought it could. Don't leave. You can do this. Amy: Sheldon, is everything okay? Sheldon: It's too late for Koothrappali. Let's go. Amy: 11 minutes. That's longer than I thought. Raj (O.C.): They're in my shirt. They're in my shirt. They're in my shirt. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's bedroom ] Penny: Okay, this is definitely the most fun thing we can do with the money. Leonard: I've never done it on a big old pile of cash before. Me neither, Leonard. It's my first time, too. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard and Bernadette's bedroom ] Bernadette: I'm so sorry I made you feel bad about the money stuff. Howard: It's okay. Bernadette: No, it's not okay. I want us to be partners, equals. Adults in a mature relationship. Howard: I want that, too. Bernadette: Now, let's talk about your birthday party. Howard: Ooh, laser tag, laser tag. Bernadette: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Amy: Do you really need me to transcribe this? Sheldon: You're not doing it for me. You're doing it for future generations who will benefit from my struggle. (Voice on recorder) Sheldon's Mine Simulation Log, entry four. My Kit Kat has melted. All is lost. Raj: You call yourself a friend? I was trying to help you, and at the first sign of trouble you ran away, leaving me to fend off a family of rats. You're a completely selfish human being and a, and a physical and a moral coward. Sheldon: His statements of the obvious continue to annoy.

After Penny gets a company car, she sells the one that Leonard gave her months ago and gives him the money. It bothers Leonard and leads to a conflict between the two. They later share a dinner with Howard and Bernadette to seek their counsel on marriage and finances, but this in turn leads to an argument between Bernadette and Howard over money since Bernadette earns more than Howard. Leonard and Penny decide to use it as an example of what not to do in their marriage and finish having sex on the money. Bernadette and Howard eventually make up as well. Raj and Sheldon see a chance to study dark matter by participating in experiments conducted in a salt mine. To test themselves, they crawl into a hot, sweaty steam pipe tunnel in the university basement with Amy waiting above ground. Sheldon fights several phobias including fear of enclosed places. He also reveals his fear that his new research will fail him like string theory did. Raj consoles him by relating his own fear when he first left India. When some rats show up, a panicked Sheldon quickly abandons Raj, who later excoriates Sheldon for doing so. Their simulation lasts eleven minutes, longer than Amy's estimates.

fd_Justified_04x04

fd_Justified_04x04_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] I'm gonna need you to get out. If I wanted to do wrong by you, there are things I could say. What about Ellen May? What if in her need to unburden her soul she decides to divulge certain details about the murder of a pimp? Praise Jesus! Billy! Somebody call an ambulance now! Somebody please call an ambulance. Randall decided he didn't like the idea these guys had been puttin' their hands on me. Ended up beating one half to death. Fighter management. Get Lindsey to run the old scam. Rip off some fella' does backyard fights name of Hoppus? You get the cash, I'll make the call. How about six o'clock this pm I put a little limp in that Gary Cooper walk? Write my name all over that pretty face of yours. How's that sound? How much you got? Ten. Good for you. Lindsey ain't here tonight? Well, last I saw her she was headed up to wait for you. Guess she got tired of waiting. I'm thinking you should have seen this coming. Too easy, duckin' me like that. Six pm, don't be late. So it's Randall then, came back and took your money? Meaning what? Everybody knows? All about your secret money? Please. Great. How much we talkin'? Raylan: It was a goodly sum. Rachel: You gonna call it in? Raylan: And say what? I don't know if Lindsey's part of it or he come back, whacked her over the head, and took her off like a caveman. [ Liquid pours ] Rachel: She keep stuff here? Raylan: Like? Rachel: Clothes, makeup for whenever she stays over? Raylan: Like a overnight kit... Little clutch, toothbrush. Rachel: And is it still here? Raylan: No. Rachel: Mm-hmm. Raylan: Don't mean she ain't in trouble. Rachel: Doesn't look like she's planning on sleeping over much, either. How much you know about this girl? Raylan: She's the bartender. Seems to know her way around a shotgun. Got a little wild streak in her. Rachel: And what do you aim to do when you find her, exactly? What? Raylan: I just... kind of thought she liked me, is all. Rachel: Any idea where they might've gone with all this money? Raylan: Some, maybe. Rachel: Well, then... Let's find out. [ People screaming, laughing ] [SCENE_BREAK] Uh, Rufus, come on in with us. Asombroso Reserva Tequila, right here. Some rarified sh1t... $1,100 a bottle. Missy? Lindsey: I'm good. Randall? Randall: I'll take a Mountain dew. Ho! An aristocrat. We are fresh out. Got the place feng shui'd like three weeks ago. Hippie babe over towards Berea... The type you just want to shave down and domesticate. Says it'll keep all the undesirable energy out there with the animals. Y'all gonna sit or what? Lindsey: You just let folks tear your house up this way? Well, you looking for work, I can always use someone to clean up the place. Or, you know, other things. Randall: Hey, man, you're talking to my wife. No disrespect. I'm just laying out the welcome mat, is all. [ Groans ] Pull me away from a couple honeys saying you got business can't wait. Randall: That thing we talked about... Said you got a wrecking crew just waiting on a sugar daddy to set them up? Song remains the same, amigo. Randall: Well, we managed to lay hands on that money a little ahead of schedule. So, what say we do the deed right here, right now? You hear that, Rufus? Homey's gonna be a fight manager for real! You got the cash? Randall: Linds? Thank you. Randall: It's all there. You won't mind. I'm thorough. Randall: Thing is, we kind of need to accelerate the timeline here. Oh, yeah? Who'd you steal it from? Randall: You ain't gotta worry about that. All's you gotta do is deliver what you promised. Now, now, now, everything right now, right this minute! Randall: There it is. The minuteman. That's what we ought to call you, like your new stage name. How about it, sugar? He the minuteman back home, too? The in-and-out quick like a bunny? Boom, boom, boom. Randall: Now, you better be a fast draw back there, Cinderella. I get ahold of that little-girl pistol, they be pulling it out of your ass with forceps. Randall, you in my home, man. Why don't you sit down and act civil? [ Clatter ] Randall: What? Oh, I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause I'm about to kick you and your homeboy's ass both, take my money elsewhere. So hows about you drop the shitty attitude, make whatever calls you need to make, and put me where I need to be? Lindsey: [ Chuckles ] Good lord. All you boys... like you got dicks the size of redwoods. Lady, maybe you just better... Lindsey: There's $20,000 in that envelope. The question on the table is, how long do you think it's gonna take finding it a home? I can put a call in. My boys might be able to meet up in the morning, take care of particulars. Randall: Morning when? Well, seeing as I hadn't made a call yet, I can't really say, so why don't we assume something like the "first thing"? Lindsey: How about that, honey? First thing sounds all right. Couple of hours, I'm sure we can come up with something to do to entertain ourselves. Randall: [ Chuckles ] [ Sighs deeply ] All tense and sh1t... About to go off. [ Chuckles ] All right, then. Let's make that phone call. See, baby? I told you this thing is meant to be. You and me stick together, there ain't a thing in this world that's gonna stop us. [ Smooches ] On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard on this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come Johnny: Well, I don't know what everybody's so down in the mouth about. We are back in business. Colton: That boy would've listened to reason, he'd still be up there preaching. Johnny: I'll have a drink to that. [ Door opens ] Well, sh1t. Look what the cat drug in. Boyd: Ellen May. You look oddly out of place in a house of iniquity. Is Ava here? Boyd: Not at the moment. You want to talk to me about something, Ellen May? I didn't know where else to go. Boyd: Well, Ellen May, you always had a home here. Mm-hmm. Boyd: You chose to relinquish that... Not us. You scared, Ellen May? I just keep seeing his face, all puffed up. I don't understand why he had to die that way, is all. Boyd: Arguing with a man who has renounced his reason is like giving medicine to the dead. Billy made a choice, Ellen May. While I will not deny my culpability in his end, the tempter bears as much guilt as the tempted. Mm-hmm. Boyd: But when it's all said and done, it was a choice he made that led to where we are now. Ava. Ava: Ellen May. What are you doing here? Boyd: Looking to win her spot back. But that decision's gotta come from the lady of the house. Ava: You want to come back and work for me? I can work, Ava. I can, uh, I can start at the bottom and take the ones nobody else wants. Ava: Yeah? Uh-huh. Ava: How do you think your God's gonna feel about that? I don't know. I just want to come home. Can I... can I come... Can I come home, please? Ava: Give us a minute. The hell is all this, you think? Boyd: Well, I believe it's as simple as it looks... she ain't got noplace else to go. Unless you see some other motive. Ava: I don't know. She's up there with all those Bible-thumpers bearing witness to her trespasses. Boyd: Well, that's in line with the sin they come across... All their travels, Ava. Ava: Except Delroy. Girl looked me in the face, talking about she knows things. [ Sighs ] I never should've left a witness, what we done. Now either I gotta worry about this thing or I gotta... I gotta do the other thing. I got no idea what's in her head. I'm sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering what she's already told, what she's gearing up to tell... Boyd: Hey. Let's take it one step at a time. Now, before we go too far down this road, let me find out if she's said anything. Ava: How are you gonna do that? Boyd: If she uttered a word about Delroy in that camp, it would've filtered through to sister Cassie. Ava: You know where she is? Boyd: Colt? Take one of these new fish and go find that preacher's sister. [ Keg pumping ] Raylan: Too late to call in a Hazmat team? Rachel: Uh, yeah. I'm gonna leave this area to you. Raylan: Thank you. What's the score, fellas? Ain't any score. You just, like, run around and kill each other. Raylan: Mm. [ Snoring ] Rachel: Sir? Sorry. Can I ask you... [ vomiting ] Raylan: I'm looking for a guy... Randall Kusik. Anybody? You got a picture? Raylan: Not on me. When cops are looking for someone they usually bring a picture. He's a fighter, big guy. Man, you gotta be more specific all them fighter fools look the same. Big hands and cauliflower ears and sh1t. Rachel: Fighter, huh? Slim Pickins come the cold light of morning. Rachel: I'll bet. You know Joe Hoppus, name on the deed of this place? I ought to... owes me for the fight. Rachel: So he's here? Likely got some poor girl bent over a sofa somewhere. But I wouldn't count on getting much out of him. Rachel: Why not? Doesn't favor blacks, hates cops. Rachel: What makes you think I'm a cop? [ Laughs ] Rachel: I'm not looking to make friends. I just have a couple questions about one of his fighters. Yeah? Which fighter? Rachel: Randall Kusik. You know him? Boyfriend or partner? Rachel: Neither one, as such. Raylan: Did I come in the middle of something? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Rachel: She says Hoppus is here, but he might try and duck us. Is that about right? Raylan: Well, miss...? Gina. Raylan: Anything you can do to smooth the waters, we'd greatly appreciate it. I put you about...180, maybe 185. Am I right? Raylan: Give or take. Say we wrestle for it. Raylan: We do what, now? We wrestle. I pin you, you tap out, whatever... I'll take you both on back. You tap... well, you can leave your hat on. Raylan: The thing is, Gina... [ Laughs ] I'm breaking your balls, cowboy. I don't come out of the corner for free. Come on, honey. I'll take you back. Might as well come, too, I guess. [ Both moaning ] [ Knock on door ] [ Bed creaking ] What the hell?! God damn it, Rufus! Nice socks, Joey. Gold tips? All three of you, get the hell out of here now! Raylan: It's all right, Joe. You mind if I call you Joe? I just got a couple questions, so if you want to let your friends collect themselves... They invited. You ain't. Bitches, chill. Who in the hell are you, now? Raylan: I'm a deputy U.S. Marshal, here looking for a fighter who was on your card the other night. [ Sighs ] Randall. Raylan: That's the one. He's here a few hours ago, him and his old lady both. Blond girl, not bad-looking. Gone now, though. Rachel: Any idea where they went? [ Sighs ] I, uh... Y'all got a warrant or something? Raylan: What do we need a warrant for? Just asking a question. Well, suppose I ain't inclined to help? What then? Raylan: State police and locals spend the day seizing and interviewing everybody was here. And then, me being marshal service, there's also, uh, asset forfeiture. Now the, uh, parties won't be quite the same, but I could use the space. I'll get my lawyer on the... Aah! [ Breathing sharply ] Raylan: Or... since I'm only looking for Randall and I don't got eyes for you one way or the other, we could go about this different. [ Strained ] I'm listening. Raylan: You mentioned a woman he was with? [ Breathes deeply ] Called her Lindsey, some such. Raylan: Plan was, that pretty little blonde was gonna do her thing... get you all spun up and then have Randall come in and twist you on a spit till they got all the money from you they could carry. So, they done this before, then? Raylan: Anyways, I'm the one who'll put a stop to all that, making it preferable for them to go in another direction. So I figure, since I ain't asking much, maybe my participation earns me a simple "they went thataway." You two, go on. I'm gonna talk to the marshal. [ Sniffs ] Come on. [ Sighs ] I'll tell you what... any fool that didn't see that grifter Barbie coming a mile off deserves getting his ass fleeced. Raylan: I don't know the game much... Outside once I saw Sugar Ray Leonard put Roberto Dur n down with a bolo punch when I was a kid. That was something. But I hear Randall wants to get into fighter management. You got any kind of line on what that looks like? [ Scoffs ] [ Laughs ] Rachel: So, saying these fighters Randall's looking to manage are what... chickens? Raylan: Gamecocks. Rachel: [ Laughs ] Gamecocks. Raylan: Said he wanted to manage fighters. I figured he meant, you know... Rachel: How much money did you say it was, again? Raylan: I didn't. Rachel: So how do you know that fool in there hadn't got it... Sending us off on a wild-goose chase? Raylan: I don't. But I don't see him going anywhere. And if he's straight, I got less than two hours to get clear out to Versailles, find this chicken guy, keep whatever deal they got from... Taking flight. Rachel: Saying you got. What about me? Raylan: Oh, I thought you might want to stay and talk to your new friend. Rachel: Oh, so now you're funny. Two hours before I have to be at the office. Raylan: You want to see some cockfighting? Rachel: You gonna tell me how much money it was or not? Raylan: I did. It's a goodly sum. Did you mean the Fuji or the Kodak? Lindsey: Well, which one did you say is better for Greens? The Fuji... my opinion. Lindsey: I'll go with your opinion. [ Bells jingle ] [ Giggles ] Randall: Hey, man. You got beer in a bottle? Yeah... back of the store, chief. Lindsey: My sister keeps saying I ought to switch to digital, but then I got to get a computer and all. Oh, I hear that. Lindsey: [ Giggles ] Now, did you want the 400 or the 200? Lindsey: I don't really understand the numbers. Oh, it's the ASA. The higher the number, the darker you can shoot. Lindsey: Oh, lord. Um... can I see both? You sure know a lot about this stuff. I'd be so lost. Well, I'm kind of a shutterbug myself. Lindsey: Really? Yeah, it's just a hobby. You know, uh, art stuff, mostly... Landscapes... and figure studies... Lindsey: Mm-hmm. Tasteful boudoir shots and such. Lindsey: Oh. [ Chuckling ] Well. Okay, then. I don't know which one to pick. Can I see that one over there? The 800? Lindsey: Yeah, that one over there. Thanks. [ Cork pops ] Randall: "Boudoir," he says. Lindsey: [ Laughs ] Like I'm gonna freak out if he calls them "titty pictures." Randall: [ Laughs ] Look at you, all high on yourself. Now, you can't tell me you hadn't missed this, girl. Lindsey: Well... Randall: All I've ever wanted to do is manage fighters. This is it. Lindsey: This is it. Randall: What I got planned... That little stack we took off your marshal friend... That's gonna look like chicken feed. [ Laughs ] Them little whitehackles are killers. We set them up with some Ronnie Callaway gaffs, they will tear any other breed to tatters. Boone says they're like the Bruce Lee of fighting chickens. Lindsey: Hmm. Randall: What? Lindsey: Start talking about Bruce Lee... Get me feeling a little something. Randall: Thinking maybe I ought to pull you over this seat... Lindsey: [ Giggles ] Randall: We celebrate something proper. Lindsey: [ Moaning ] What? Randall: You kind of liked it, though, didn't you? Lindsey: Liked what? Randall: Talking "titty pictures," "ASA." Lindsey: Don't start. We got a little bubbly... No harm done. Randall: Yeah. Lindsey: Yeah. Randall: Yeah. Lindsey: Let's keep our eyes on the prize here, okay, baby? Randall: Okay. Lindsey: Randall. Randall: It ain't gonna take but a minute. Lindsey: Randall, no! Randall: Hush, now. You buckle up for safety. [ Engine revs ] Lindsey: [ Coughs ] [ Tires squeal ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Computer beeps ] [ Knock on door ] [ Door opens ] Miss Cassie. Thank you for coming in. Cassie: Not like I had much choice. [ Door closes ] Oh, I apologize for that. I've had deputies out trying to find you since I... heard what befell your brother. Cassie: Why is that, sheriff? I don't aim to frighten you, but... I think you ought to know Boyd Crowder's got people of his own out after finding you. Cassie: He hadn't done enough already? [ Sniffles ] Something else he's... he's looking to steal away? I imagine he's interested in what you know... things could hurt him, his criminal enterprises. Cassie: Kind of like how he killed my brother? That's public knowledge, sheriff. Well, your brother's death... While tragic and untimely... was not, on the face of it, actionable as a crime. Cassie: So, what, then? Boyd crowder is unfettered by conscience... Absent any moral compass that you and me might reckon by. Thinks he has reason to, he will kill you quick as look at you twice. Cassie: [ Sniffles ] What is it he thinks I know? Well, oftentimes, along the path to salvation, folks testify... things they seen, things they maybe done. If anyone ever said anything Boyd thinks you could use against him, he will not leave that end untied. Cassie: Good. He is right to be scared. I do know things. Well... anything I can pick him up for... Start a case? Cassie: Yeah... whoremongering drug pusher. Trying to bribe me to move my church elsewhere. And that's after he sent thugs out to scare us. Well, the question is, is there anything else... Anything I don't know? Cassie: If that ain't enough, sheriff, then there's nothing. [ Sniffles ] He'll have his reckoning someday. Just like you will, just like I will. And that's enough for you? Cassie: The wrathful judgment of almighty God? [ Sniffles ] Sheriff, that ought to be enough for anybody. Ned! I wish you all the best, ma'am. Cassie: May God be with you. [ Door closes ] Did you get all that? Boyd: Well played, shelby. And you're satisfied now? Boyd: It'll do. Though I must say, it gives me pause, hearing you run my character down in such wanton... [ Click, dial tone ] Hello? I believe he hung up on me. Ava: Mm. [ Receiver clicks ] Boyd: You feel better? Ava: I do. Boyd: But...? Ava: Boyd, I mean... I got an investment in the girl. I shed blood keeping her safe. But even loyal, she's wild. Firing off shots at her clients and huffing down oxy... God knows what else. Not to mention, she's been off sobbing in the corner the whole night she's been back. I just... Boyd: Well, there might be another way, yet. Ava: [ Sighs ] I'm listening. Boyd: [ Sighs ] You remember my cousin Lonnie? Over in Alabama? Ava: Yeah, he got but the one leg. He came that time to Sunday dinner at Bo's? Boyd: He got drunk... flipped his old Plymouth right in front of the house. Ava: I remember. Boyd: Well, he sobered up after that... Found Jesus. Runs a little no-tell motel... Kind with the free HBO but no ice. Ava: Mm-hmm. Boyd: Has a little lay congregation out back. Ellen May wants to be done whoring, he might give her a chance at honest work... Cleaning rooms and whatnot. If she doesn't like what he's preaching, there's plenty of other churches in boiling Springs. Whorehouses, too. [ Sips ] Ava: You think he'll take her in... All her crazy bullshit? Boyd: Well, I think he might welcome the challenge. [ Microwave beeps ] [ Microwave door closes ] Damn it. [ Engine revs ] [ Tires screech ] What the hell? Lindsey: Randall, what did I just say? Damn it, Randall! Stop! Randall: Just keep it running. [ Bells jingle ] Hey, what are you do... [ scuffling, clerk shouting ] [ Coin clinks ] Lindsey: Hey, it's me. Listen, I just... [ receiver slams ] Randall: [ Panting ] Lindsey: God damn it, Randall. Randall: Who's that? Who you calling? Lindsey: Calling 911. Randall: You did what? Lindsey: So that boy inside doesn't die waiting for help, idiot. Now, if it's all out of your system, then can we go before they get here? God damn it! [ Car door slams ] That's my big boy, right there... Nimrod, like in the old testament. Raylan: You fight him? Ahh, no, not anymore. He has health problems. Raylan: Looking at me like he wants to peck my eyeballs out. He's a sweetheart... Unless you push him too far. Lose his temper, though, watch out. He'll cut you like a prison bitch. Rachel: Little chicken toenails do all that damage? Toenails, hell. You see these gaffs here? Keep them sharp as a diamond. They get them buried up in one another up in the pen, we got to reach in and pull the birds apart again. You be careful, though. You get caught here... here... or here... it's "lights out," sister. No lullaby. Good night. Rachel: Mr. Gaines, you keep putting that little blade close to my face, I'm gonna take it away from you and see who's singing who a lullaby. Lady don't blink. She's all right. Raylan: Two more questions, then... about Randall Kusik. Never met the man. [ Cellphone beeps ] I try to insulate myself from direct contact with the end buyer. Raylan: So, uh, Boone brothers collect payment from Randall. They pay you. You assemble the, uh, whatever? Kentucky gold deluxe fight package... everything you need to dominate the royal sport of cockfighting in an easy-to-transport premium motor rig. Rachel: Blades come in the package? Gaffs, miss. Oh! Jesus! Raylan: Rachel. She called me. Rachel: She called you? Raylan: I didn't recognize her number at first, so I sent it to voicemail. Reverse lookup now... Not her cell. Rachel: Well, what'd she say? I don't know why he come in on me like that. All I'd done was show his lady what kind of film to buy. Rachel: You saw him before this? It's on the video there... Two of them come in here before. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that blond girl set me up to take a beating. Raylan: I know what you mean. Guess I should have known it was too good to be true. I don't meet many people with a common interest. I just thought... I don't know. Raylan: Yeah. Either one of them mention where they were headed any point in all this? Said she wanted to shoot pictures of horses at some farm across the way. I told her to use the fuji stock. It gets better Greens. Raylan: She happen to say which farm? What am I supposed to do in Alabama?! Ava: Boyd's got kin there... Decent people, and that's what you're after. [ Sighs ] Ava: You can work his motel till you get back on your feet and figure out what's next when you're ready. But I don't want to go. Ava, please, don't send me away. I will... I will work harder here. Ava: Ellen May, you don't want to be here. You've been looking for a way out as long as I've known you. I'm saying, darlin', this is your way out. Ava... this is my home. I grew up here. I always thought that maybe... Maybe I'd meet the right boy, get a little house. I ain't much for babies, but if he wanted... Ava: Honey. You're getting the chance I never got... you get to start over. But I don't... I don't want to start over. Ava: There's $1,000 in this envelope. Take it. [ Whimpers ] Ava: Make something out of yourself worth being proud of. Tell it all to Whoopi Goldberg one day on "The View," right? [ Laughs ] Ava: Your rise from humble beginnings. It just feels like I'm... I'm being sent off, and I-I don't know why. Ava: Well, look at it for what it is... You're free. Next time, you give a blow job because you want to. [ Laughs nervously ] Ava: If you even want to. No more being afraid or getting kicked around. It ain't never gonna be that way around here for you. Colt's gonna give you a ride to the bus station when you get yourself together. Okay. Raylan: Tamahill farms is just up route 62 in case we get separated. But it's time to go to work. Rachel: I can call in sick. Raylan: You ain't gonna call in sick. Rachel: Come this far. Raylan: Far enough. Next bit, I don't know. But one marshal out over, it's enough. Give art a stroke, us both in the wind. Rachel: [ Laughs ] Got a little present for you. Maybe even up the odds a little bit. [ Zipper opens ] Counting on you knowing how to use that. Raylan: I'll do my level best. [ Shotgun cocks ] Randall: You ready to roll? Lindsey: Well, hell. Don't look at me like that. Randall: Well, what the hell, Lindsey? Lindsey: He's a marshal, Randall. It's what they do. Randall: sh1t. Well, let's go. [ Ignition dinging ] Raylan: That's close enough. Randall: Come alone, from the looks of it. That's something. Raylan: I did. Randall: Just you and your shotgun. I, for the record, am unarmed. Raylan: There ain't any record, Randall. Not today. Lindsey. Lindsey: Raylan. Raylan: Feel like I missed a step along the way somewhere. Lindsey: How's that song go? "Look for the rainbow in every storm"? Raylan: I'll have to download that. Randall: How'd you find us? Raylan: She didn't tell you about her little phone call? Randall: You said you dialed 911. Raylan: [ Laughs ] She must've dialed wrong, 'cause my phone rang. That was quite a number you did on poor Alvin. Raylan: He didn't even sleep with my wife. Think how you're gonna look. Randall: That your thing, Randall? Your weak spot? You want her spinning up the boys, keep 'em pixilated, like longfellow deeds, but you just can't stand the thought that she might enjoy it, too. Got to take something back... Feel like a man. Randall: You're forgetting the part where she gets off on it... me batting cleanup. Or did you fail to notice who she's here with? [ Gunshot ] Raylan: No. I wondered about that. Wondering... why did you call me? Hoping I'd ride up, rescue you from all this... tell me how he put you up to it? Or just 'cause it'd be fun watching us tear one another up? Randall: [ Coughing ] Raylan: Hurts, don't it? [ Shotgun cocks ] They're beanbag rounds. Not my thing, ordinarily. An associate of mine thought nonlethal force might come in handy. I figure, "what the hell?" "I'll give it a shot." You know, girl walks out on me, usually I can count on, like, a letter or something. Lindsey: I was never much of a hand at it. Raylan: Prefer a clean break, like ripping off a band-aid? Lindsey: Suppose you're gonna ask me why. Raylan: Doesn't matter. Lindsey: Well, you oughta know I never meant to... Raylan: You know what? Let's not do that. Lindsey: So, what now? Raylan: What now is, where's my money? Randall: [ Grunts ] That hurts, don't it? More than any pussy-ass beanbag gun. [ Laughs ] Just take that. You're going to a dark place, marshal. I want my face to be the last thing you see. Ugh! Raylan: [ Grunts ] Randall: Whoo! Whoo! Come on! Raylan: You always talk this much when you fight? Randall: Oh, honey, this ain't a fight... It's an execution. Raylan: [ Grunting ] Ugh! Lindsey: Hey! [ Both panting ] Randall: Lindsey... [ gunshot ] Raylan: Ugh! Randall: [ Laughs ] That's my girl! [ Shotgun cocks ] Whoo! sh1t! Here, baby. Give me this thing. [ Gunshot ] Ugh! [ Shotgun cocks ] [ Gunshot ] [ Shotgun clicks ] [ Panting ] Lindsey: [ Grunts ] Raylan: [ Panting ] Lindsey: Hey. Hey. You want your money, it's all right in that van up there. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Lindsey: What? Raylan: I knew you liked me. [ Panting ] Randall: [ Groaning ] [ Coughs ] Jesus, man. How many times did she shoot me? Raylan: Couple more times than she shot me. Randall: Where did she go? Raylan: I don't know. Took your car, looks like. Randall: Aren't you gonna chase her down or something? Raylan: Nah, I don't think so. Randall: Well, what are you gonna do? Raylan: Put a call in to the state police, have them drive over, escort you down to face warrants you got out of Duvall county, Florida. Randall: You're just gonna leave me here? Raylan: You got a better idea? Randall: Well, suppose they're a long time coming. Raylan: You wait. [ Chickens clucking ] "Money's in the van," she says. Randall: Oh, them chickens. [ Panting ] You got to understand, man... I've been holding that dream in my head so long, I might kind of lost sight of the thing. Raylan: Randall, I know you're shackled, and it ain't half fair, but you say one more word about chickens, I'm gonna shoot you again. Randall: [ Panting ] End of the day, when it's all done... She's still kind of worth it, though, isn't she? Raylan: Tell the trooper I said, "sorry for the mess." [ Sighs ] Randall: There's money in fighting chickens, Raylan. You think about it. [ Gunshot ] Ugh! [ Groaning ] Oh, you... [ groaning ] Ava: We're low on Stoli and Cuervo, so maybe you could stretch it out... make it last till I can make a call? You all set, then? I am. Ava: All right, well... I know why you're sending me away, Ava. I been thinking about it... Ava: Ellen May... You got to know, I would never say nothing about what we... Ava: God damn it! Ellen May, what the hell is wrong with you? I'm just... I'm just saying, if that's the reason... Killing Delroy... I can keep my mouth shut. You'll see. [ Women laugh ] I'm just say... I'm just trying to say that I won't, I won't... Ava: I know you won't say anything, Ellen May. I know it. [ Laughs ] It's all right. You better go now. Colt's waiting. Goodbye, I guess. Ava: Goodbye, Ellen May. Ohh... [ Door closes ] Raylan: Beanbag rounds were a nice touch. Rachel: What are you gonna do about the chickens? Raylan: I'm driving around looking for a barbecue joint to drop them off at. Rachel: Don't even joke. However it went down, they're all yours now. Raylan: Don't worry. Sure by now they've been fed, watered, watching cartoons. [ Truck horn blares ] Rachel: What about the money? Raylan: [ Sighs ] Figure maybe the universe's way of saying I wasn't meant to have it in the first place. Rachel: What about Lindsey? Raylan: What about her? Rachel: You let her go? Raylan: Kind of the same answer as the money. Rachel: What are you gonna do now? Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Groans ] [ Sighs deeply ] [ Cellphone ringing ] Colton: Hey. You sure? [ Sighs ] All right. All right. Who was that? Colton: That was Ava. What'd she say? Colton: She said... that if you're ready to come back to work... I mean really work... then there's a place for you at Audry's. I-I-I can work! I can work! I will! You'll see! Colton: Okay. We'll see. She say why? Colton: No, she did not. I bet it's 'cause of what I told her. Colton: Probably. [ Sighs ] Feels good. Going home. Boyd: It'll be quick, Ava. She'll never know. She won't be afraid. One minute, she's here, and the next, she's gone. Just like that. Colton: I got to take a piss. You pump, I'll pay. Put in $10. Okay. [ Ignition dinging ] [ Dinging stops ] Colton: [ Sighs ] [ Gun cocks ] [ Sighs ] [ Breathes deeply ] [ Sighs ] [ Knock on door ] Just a minute! [ Snorting ] [ Sniffs ] [ Groans ] Oh, sh1t. Oh, sh1t! sh1t! sh1t! Hey! Did you see a girl? Oh, come on. [ Panting ] sh1t! Oh, Ellen May.

Raylan and Rachel are surveying Raylan's tossed apartment. Meanwhile, Lindsay and Randall go to visit sleazy fight promoter Joe Hoppus, who after a tense exchange agrees to set Randall up as a manager of fighters. Raylan and Rachel show up at Hoppus's house the next morning, finding a wrecked backyard full of hungover party goers and Hoppus in a three-way with a couple of prostitutes. Hoppus imparts that Randall was looking to get into the business of fighting chickens, and gives Raylan the name of the farmer that he was headed to see. Randall and Lindsey stop for gas, and Randall steals a bottle of beer while Lindsey distracts the cashier. Randall gets angry because he thinks the cashier was flirting with Lindsay, and goes back to beat him up. Lindsay, disgusted, calls Raylan from a pay phone. Raylan later questions the badly beaten cashier. Raylan learns where Lindsay and Randall are headed and finds them on a horse farm farther north. He shoots Randall with a non-lethal beanbag gun and questions Lindsay, forgetting about Randall, who regains his wits and attacks. Raylan and Randall fight until Lindsay gets the beanbag gun; she shoots Raylan, then Randall, and knocks Randall out with the butt of the gun. Raylan comes to his senses to find Lindsay gone. Raylan detains Randall, but learns that he and Lindsay had already spent Raylan's money on a van full of fighting chickens. Meanwhile, Boyd and Ava grapple over what to do with Ellen May when she returns to the bar after Preacher Billy's death. Knowing that Ellen May holds secrets that can burn them down, Ava presses Boyd to have her killed. Boyd proposes an alternate solution: send her down to Alabama, where his cousin Lonnie runs a motel and bar. Ellen May can work for Lonnie and have a shot at a decent life. However, when Ellen May inadvertently mentions Ava's murder of Delroy in a crowded hallway, with several people nearby, Boyd orders Colt to kill her. Colt, acting as though he is taking Ellen May to the bus station, stops at a gas station to check his .45 and snort some heroin in the restroom. When he goes back outside, he discovers Ellen May has disappeared.

fd_Alias_04x08

fd_Alias_04x08_0

Open to daytime establishing scene of aerial view of the beach area where Sydney and Weiss live. Cut to Nadia, sitting at the breakfast counter, while Sydney stands behind it in the kitchen area, getting ready to prepare breakfast. Nadia: We were driving on Mullholland, you know, all the curves...and we come around this corner and the sun's right in our eyes... Sydney: Egg whites? Nadia: Yeah, sure...thanks. Sydney: So the sun's in your face? Nadia: Completely blinding me. And the first thing he does, without even thinking about it, is...he slaps down the, uh... Sydney (supplying word for her): Visor... Nadia: Yeah, the visor...so the sun's not in my eyes. And I just thought that was so sweet! Sydney: He really likes you. Nadia: He's so funny. Sydney: You're not gonna break his heart, though, right? Nadia: Me? Sydney: Eric's a friend; you know what I mean. Nadia: No, I like him, too. (pauses, looks down) Sydney: But... Nadia: But nothing. They nod at each other and then both their cell phones go off. Nadia: Hello. Sydney: Yeah. Nadia: Okay, I'll be there. They both hang up their cell phones. Nadia (getting up from her chair): We'll eat later. Cut to Vaughn and Weiss walking down the hallway leading to APO talking. Vaughn (scoffing): She compared you to ice cream... Weiss: Yeah, Vanilla Swiss Almond, which is a really significant flavor... Vaughn: I'm not saying it's not... Weiss: And then she said I'm like this big spoonful... Vaughn: Which you took as a compliment!? Weiss: I take everything she says as a compliment; she's got that great accent. I don't know; I can't even look at this girl, she's so pretty! Man, I... Vaughn (cutting Weiss off): Nadia's great. I know that, all right? But you might want to just consider taking it slow. Weiss stops walking. Weiss: Whoa, whoa, whoa... What's with the warning? Vaughn: Huh... Sally Benson? Weiss: Sally...that was a completely different story. Vaughn: How is that different? When it ended, you were all...weird. Weiss: Weird how? Vaughn: You were building ships in bottles...you built many, many ships in many bottles over many, many months. Weiss (defensive): That's called a hobby. Vaughn: Hobby!? You locked yourself in a closet for a month, and... Weiss: Tell me you don't still think about how I got those ships in the bottles... Vaughn shakes his head no and opens his mouth to reply, but Sydney and Nadia walk up, cutting off whatever reply Vaughn might have had. Sydney: Hey. Weiss (smile brightening as he sees Nadia): Hey. Vaughn: What's goin' on? Sydney: We got called in, but they've been in there all morning. Sydney looks over her shoulder into Sloane's office. Sloane and Jack are inside with the doors closed, obviously having a very serious discussion. Vaughn: Well, that's weird. Weiss: What do you think it is? Nadia: We don't know. Vaughn (looking over Nadia's shoulder): Here we go... The women turn to face the office again, just as the door opens and Jack and Sloane exit. Sydney turns to stare at Jack as he walks by and into the briefing room. Cut to the briefing room with the APO team gathered around the table as Sloane talks. Sloane: As you know, my position here at APO is contingent upon an agreement I made with Director Chase's office last year. That agreement includes a short list of operatives with whom I am not authorized to engage, so that if a mission arose that involved any of these people, I am to immediately recuse myself...I am to...step down. Well, that day has come. So, as of now, I am giving full operational authority over your next assignment to Jack Bristow. I would ask for your cooperation in not involving me at all. Good luck. Sloane steps away from the table and back to his office. He definitely does not look happy at having to give up his command and not be involved in the mission. Everyone watches after Sloane, and Eric asks, Weiss: So, what? He's not coming back? Jack: When this matter is resolved, yes. Vaughn: If Sloane can't touch this case, then why did they assign it to his task force? Jack: Because of Sydney. Our target is someone with whom several of you are quite familiar. Sydney: Who is it? Jack: Anna Espinosa. Vaughn immediately gives Sydney a worried glance. Sydney leans forward in her chair as if she can't believe what she's hearing. Sydney: I...She's supposed to be dead. Jack: So are a lot of people. Nadia (to Sydney): Who is she? Sydney: Former Soviet agent, raised in Cuba. Used to be K-Directorate. Jack: Four days ago our London listening post intercepted chatter about a dead drop from a suspected terrorist group. Satellite surveillance of the specified location revealed this: Jack shows a photograph of Anna from the dead drop. Jack hands the remote to Marshall. Jack: Marshall. Marshall: Thank you...and congratulations on the, uh...Uh, now, I pulled the file on Ms. Espinosa (shows file data on screen)... She specializes in close-quarter kills, strangulation, edge-weapons, guns, high-level theft, security breach... Dixon: She spent six years on Interpol's most wanted list. Marshall: Six and a half, actually...Did the... After she left K-Directorate, she went freelance, worked for the highest bidder, you know...you give her the dough, she'll give you the show. Um, she's also associated with...the Followers of Rambaldi. (Marshall hones in on a photograph of the mark of Rambaldi on Anna's hand. Nadia suddenly looks very ill at ease and Sydney notices. Jack: Intel indicates Anna's making contact with an associate at Pergruen ze Prundenzar in 36 hours from now... Nadia (cutting in): Excuse me. Nadia gets up and walks out. Jack (continues): concerning an assignment... Jack stops speaking as he notices Nadia walking out. Everyone turns to watch Nadia who slowly crosses to her desk and sits down. Jack (getting her attention): Sydney? Sydney turns her attention from her sister back to the matter at hand. Sydney: You want us to surveille the meet. Jack: Yes. You, Dixon, and Marshall. Given your familiarity with Anna's methods, I want you to track her movements, find out what the assignment is. If the opportunity presents itself, you're authorized to bring her in. The category of force you choose to exercise will remain classified. Dixon: When do we leave? Jack: We're arranging a jet for this evening; you'll have 20 hours in-country to coordinate before the meet. That's all. The meeting breaks up. Eric sidles up to Sydney as they leave. Eric: What happened? Sydney: I don't know. Eric backs off as Sydney approaches Nadia, who looks like she's on the verge of crying and is pinching her nose at the bridge. She looks up as Sydney approaches and appears to compose herself. Sydney: Are you okay? Nadia: I got lightheaded. Sydney: We have a while before we have to leave; do you want to grab something to eat? Nadia: Sure. Cut to an outdoor cafe. The camera slides across and then focuses on Nadia and Sydney, sitting at a table having lunch. Sydney: It was just me and Anna in the middle of the stadium. I have the key; she has the box. (Note: This is actually the opposite of what happened. Anna had the key and Sydney had the box...probably just an error on the writers' part, rather than a mislead of Nadia by Sydney.) Sydney: We needed to work together to get the code, but there she is right next to me. All I was thinking was, "I could take her out...right now. End it once and for all." Nadia: But that wasn't your assignment. Sydney: Not that night. But I swore to myself if I ever had the chance again, I would not hesitate. Nadia: This...can't be easy for you. Sydney: I'm not worried about me. What's going on with you? Nadia: I know only a few things...about Rambaldi. I know he was a prophet, 15th century. I know my father was...is...I don't know, obsessed with him. Last year, when my father connected me with Rambaldi, I started to hallucinate. I saw something awful. Sounds and fast images, they went by quickly but...there was one vision...that felt so real. Sydney: What was it? Nadia: We were both together...scared and upset, holding guns aimed at each other. And I remember my hands were shaking...and I pulled the trigger. Sydney looks up, but this doesn't exactly shock her, almost as if this was what she was expecting to hear. Nadia: Blood was pouring down your chest...and I wanted to say I was sorry, but you just looked at me...as if you'd been expecting it. As if you knew all along; knew I was going to kill you. Sydney looks down at her plate. Nadia: I know I must sound insane. She looks down, blinks back tears and takes a drink from her soda. Sydney (sighing): Nadia, there's something I should have told you. Nadia looks up at her, but before Sydney can elaborate, she's interrupted. Waiter: Miss Bristow? There's a call for you. Sydney gets up and crosses the cafe. When she reaches the hostess, she is handed the phone. Hostess: Here you go. Sydney: Hello. Anna: Hello, Sydney. Sydney reacts to the sound of Anna's voice...she visibly stiffens. Sydney: Anna. Anna: Turn around. Sydney turns around to see Anna sitting beside Nadia at the table, smiling like the cat that ate the canary. Sydney's eyes widen. Anna: I'd advise against any action; my associates wouldn't like that. Sydney looks down at her chest and we see six red laser dots appear and center in the middle of her chest. Sydney looks up at the high buildings around her, trying to locate the shooters, to no avail. Anna: There's something I need you to do for me, Sydney. Sydney stares Anna down, but Anna just looks amused. Anna: I must say I have been looking forward to working with you again. Cut back to Sydney's reaction. CUT TO BLACK Alias Theme. (Or now is the time in Alias when we dance!) Jack is sitting at his desk in his office when a winded Sydney bursts in. Sydney: Anna has Nadia. She knew she was gonna be intercepted in Brussels, so she took her. If I don't do what she says...Dad, she's gonna kill my sister. Cut to Dixon walking by Sloane's office as he stands in the window watching. He watches as Weiss and Marshall also hurry into the briefing room. Jack starts to cross the hall but stops and stares for a moment at Sloane, who is staring at him. Sloane's face shows that he knows something bad has happened. Cut to the rest of the APO crew in the briefing room. Jack: If we don't meet her demands, Anna Espinosa claims she'll kill Nadia. We have 18 hours to comply. Vaughn: What are her demands? Sydney: She wants me to take the meet in Brussels posing as her. I'm to retrieve a package from a man named Milo Sabine. If I deliver it to her in a boutique in Beverly Hills by a specified time, she claims she'll let Nadia go. Jack: Sydney, scrap the surveillance op in Brussels. Get with Marshall to coordinate your new parameters: You're going in as Anna Espinosa. Jack (to Vaughn) : Dig up everything you can about Sabine, business associates, last known whereabouts...the works. Jack (to Weiss): Coordinate with Langley. We'll need total satellite coverage of the meeting point. Jack (to Dixon): I want sniper teams and full ground support ready to go. Dixon: On it. Jack (to all): Wheels up within the hour. CUT TO BLACK BRUS(S)ELS An establishing shot of Brussels by airplane at night. Cut to Sydney walking in a park. Sydney (over comms): Approaching the Metro station. She rounds a corner and sees the entrance the Metro station. Before it is a park bench. An older man is sitting alone. Vaughn (on comms): Do you see anyone? Sydney (over comms): White male, late 70's. Cut to Vaughn and Dixon in the surveillance van. Vaughn: There's no photo on his file, but based on the date of birth, this could be our guy. Cut back to Sydney as she sits down next to the man on the bench. Sydney (with Russian accent): This time of year does terrible things to my hair. The man looks up. Sabine: Miss Espinosa. Sydney just looks at Sabine as if thoroughly unimpressed. Sabine: How I wish that I were younger... Sydney: Do you have the package? Sabine: What your associates have requested of me is, um...highly valuable. I will...like to make sure that I get my money's worth. Are you prepared to...reach your end? Sydney: I'm always prepared...once apprised of the specifics. Sabine: Thirty minutes ago, a man entered the hotel Metropol. He is currently enjoying a 17 year old scotch the bar located in the west lobby of the hotel. The man's name is Wilhelm Cogg. (He pulls out a photo) This is the man...the man you are to kill. I will require photographic evidence of his corpse, plus, what I understand is your keepsake: his right index finger. I will be sitting on this bench for the next 40 minutes. Return within that time and you will get your package. After that, I will not be sitting in this bench. Tick tock, Miss Espinosa. Cut to the surveillance van. Vaughn: Hotel Metropol's seven blocks away. Dixon: We have 32 minutes. Sydney: Marshall, how are you doing on Cogg? Do you have anything on him yet? Cut to Marshall, who is looking at Cogg's file on his computer. Marshall: On its way. It's a...rather large file. Cut back to the van. Dixon: We got it. Sydney (reading over Dixon's shoulder): This guy's wanted in 4 different countries. Vaughn: Money laundering, kidnapping, conspiracy. Sydney: Affiliations: Russian and Chinese organized crime syndicates. Known associates: Anton Matteo and Peter Guiger. Vaughn: Solicitation for prostitution, three charges. This guy's got a real thing for hookers. Sydney looks at Vaughn suddenly. Sydney: Wait... Sydney pulls off her coat and rips the sleeves, part of the bosom and skirt off her dress. She grabs a bottle of water from the counter and begins to wet down her hair with it. Sydney exits the back of the van in a tight, short black sleeveless dress that completely shows off her cleavage. Her hair is all slicked back and she looks like she could be a high-priced hooker. (Think of that scene from "True Lies"...this is a total shout out to that movie.) Cut to the hotel lobby as Sydney stands at the counter. Behind her, Dixon enters the lobby. Clerk: There you are, ma'am, 1132. Two keys. Sydney takes the key and palms one off to Dixon as he walks by. Clerk: Will you be needing help with any bags? Sydney (in French accent): No thank you; I'm travelling light. Sydney enters the bar and looks for Cogg, then approaches him. Sydney (continuing French accent): Wilhelm? Cogg: Yeah? Sydney: Do you know...how hard...has been to find you? Cogg: If I knew you were looking, I'd have made it...a lot easier. Sydney sits down at the table. Sydney: Matteo said you were not drinking anymore, you bad boy. I won't tell Matteo. Cogg: How do you know my business partner? Sydney: Who do you think...sent me to you? I am Matteo's early birthday present. Cogg: Really? Sydney: He wouldn't tell me how old you were. He knows I don't usually...work...with older men. You don't seem so old. Cogg: Thank you so much. Sydney holds up her key. Sydney: We have a room. Shall we? Cogg: So it's...happy birthday to me, eh? Cut to Cogg and Sydney entering the hotel room. Cogg: Great...beautiful arms...We love arms... As they step further in the room, we see Vaughn standing in the corner. Cogg looks up and, Cogg: What...what is this? Sydney hurriedly locks the door as Dixon and Vaughn walk toward Cogg like he is prey. Sydney: It's your lucky day. Vaughn: You get to live. Dixon: But we're going to need that ring... Sydney: And the finger it's on. The three of them are trying to restrain Cogg, who's thrashing about. Cogg: Wait! What's happening!? Dixon: There are people out there who want you dead. Fortunately for you, we're not them. Vaughn: When this is over, you're going to walk out of this hotel and disappear. Sydney: You can thank us for it later. Cogg: What are you doing!? Sydney forces Cogg's hand into an ice bucket. Cut to a slow pan of Nadia's hands and chest roped to a chair and then up to her face. She appears scared, but otherwise unharmed. Anna: You look like her... Nadia turns to face Anna. Anna: ...your mother. Nadia (with bravado): Don't waste your time trying to scare me. Anna (amused): You are scared. Anna walks up and starts inappropriately touching Nadia's hair...like a mother instead of an enemy. Anna: I would be scared, too...if I did not understand what this was all about. Nadia: She told me about you...Sydney. I know enough. Anna smiles indulgently. She is screwing a long metal piece onto a handle. Anna: Your sister...she's a curse. Nadia turns to look at Anna, shocked. Anna: You see what happens, don't you? To everyone she loves. Nadia looks away. Anna: One day, you will be asked to pay the price. Today...you will feel a little bit of that. Anna lights a Bunsen-like burner and puts the metal rod into it. Focus in on Nadia's face. Cut to Cogg, still struggling in the chair he's been placed in. Cogg: Please, please! There must be another way, please! Dixon: We've got nine minutes left. Cogg yells again. Vaughn: Keep him quiet. Sydney (stuffing a washcloth in his mouth): Bite this, bite this. You got it, Vaughn? Vaughn: Yeah. We see Vaughn preparing to cut Cogg's finger off with a large bolt cutter. Sydney (trying to keep Cogg's attention): Look at me...look at me... Sydney looks at Vaughn and he cuts off Cogg's finger. Cogg falls forward on the floor, writhing in agony. Dixon picks up the finger with a washcloth and hands it to Sydney, who puts it in a plastic bag. Vaughn bends down and begins to administer first aid to Cogg. Dixon bends down with a swab as Cogg continues to writhe. Cogg: What are you people doing!? Vaughn: Don't move. Dixon swabs the dye on Cogg's forehead, and then dribbles some of the fake blood away from the "wound". Sydney takes a picture of the supposedly dead Cogg, and... Cut to Sabine, holding the photo. Sabine: Your reputation is well-earned. I still wish I were younger. Sydney hands Sabine the bag with Cogg's finger in it. He looks inside. Sabine: You should let your associates know that this is the last remaining sample. They should treat is as if it were sacred. Sydney: Absolutely. Sabine gets up and walks away. Sydney (into comms): I've got it. I'm on my way. Cut to Anna with the metal rod end still in the fire. It's glowing red hot. Anna: This is a gift...from me to you...to Sydney. Anna reaches over and pushes Nadia's hair off her shoulder. Anna: Every time she looks at you... Anna grabs Nadia's hair while a henchman holds Nadia's head in place. Anna: ...I want her to think of me. And one day, whether you choose to or not, you will help me destroy her... We now see the metal rod is a brand...a brand of the Eye of Rambaldi. Anna holds it to the back of Nadia's neck and Nadia screams. CUT TO BLACK Cut to Marshall's lab in APO. Jack and Vaughn stand beside him as he speaks. Marshall: The lab confirmed, it's the Dante compound: a super-rare, phosphorus-based putty. But it's...not the...same kind of putty you use on a newspaper to copy Beetle Bailey...out of...you ever do that with...? Cut to Jack and Vaughn's almost identical look of exasperated impatience. Marshall: Anyway, it's completely harmless on its own, but when mixed with certain nerve agents, the VX gas in particular, Bouyaka! It mutates the neurotoxins, causing them to replicate at a rate that would be like historic. Vaughn: We'll have to secure all laboratories that manufacture VX. Jack: How long would it take you to construct a fake? Marshall: A fake? What, you mean like something that would actually pass as the real thing? Jack: Sydney's meeting with Anna in 30 minutes. Turning this over to her is not the ideal option. Can you do it? Marshall: No, absolutely not, no... Jack just continues to stare at Marshall. Marshall: Okay, probably...but listen, one more thing: I know this isn't, you know, like my province, but...I think I have an idea who Anna's working for. There's this fringe terrorist cell called the Cadmus Revolutionary Front. Vaughn: Yeah, they're former Covenant. Marshall: Yeah, so I don't have to tell you you...(looking at Jack) Do you...? Jack: Yes, I know who they are. Marshall: Well, it turns out, the CRF? They've been trying to acquire the Dante Compound for over a year. I think they're trying to build a chemical bomb. Vaughn: I read the Echelon report on the CRF. We don't know what their agenda is. Jack: Then we need to increase our knowledge base, find a way to penetrate the CRF and determine their motives. Marshall: Well, we actually have somebody in custody with CRF connections, considering their Covenant ties and all... Vaughn rolls his eyes and looks away, not at all looking forward to that prospect. Vaughn: Oh, God... Jack turns to look at Vaughn. Cut to Jack's office and an irate Sydney. Sydney: If we give Anna a fake, she'll kill Nadia; you know that. Jack: Turning over the compound would be irresponsible, not to mention unnecessary. Sydney: My responsibility is to get Nadia back. Safe, alive! Sloane: He's right, Sydney. Sydney: What are you talking about? I'm trying to save your daughter! Sloane: Giving Anna the compound is an unnecessary risk. Sydney: Unnecessary!? Sloane: She won't kill her; it's not her destiny. Sydney: Please tell me this is not about what I think it is. Sloane: If you had faith, you would know what I know. Sydney: Faith in a 15th Century lunatic!? Dad, please tell me Rambaldi is not dictating procedures. (looks at Sloane) He has no authority here, and I know Anna better than anyone, that's why you chose me for this mission. Dad, please, I need to get my sister back. Jack looks troubled, but he nods his assent. Sydney: Thank you. Sydney turns and leaves the room. Sloane looks at Jack, looking very betrayed. Jack looks slightly penitent, but says, Jack: You shouldn't be here, Arvin. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Vaughn walking through the APO office. Sydney crosses his path. Sydney: Hey. Vaughn (on a sigh): Hey. Sydney: Where're you going? Vaughn: I'll tell you later; when's the meet with Anna? Sydney: Now. Vaughn: Nadia's going to be okay. Sydney: I just want the ghosts to go away. Vaughn: Tell me about it. Vaughn walks away. Sydney watches him leave, thinking. Cut to the boutique in Beverly Hills. Soft elevator music plays as Sydney enters the store, pretending to look around until she spots Anna. She walks up next to Anna and hands her the purse she had over her shoulder. Sydney: Here. Anna: Nice work. Anna slings the handbag on her shoulder without even looking inside. Sydney: You're not even going to look at it!? Anna: I trust you; you wouldn't try to decieve me, would you? Anna walks around to another rack of clothes. Sydney follows. Sydney: Where's my sister? Anna holds out an automatic door opener from a car and Sydney takes it. Anna: Wait five minutes after my exit, then go to the 4th floor of the parking structure across the street... Anna turns toward Sydney and places a hand on the center of her chest. Anna: ...or my friends will blow a hole in your heart. Sydney: Get your hands off me. Anna: It was nice getting to know your sister... Anna runs an "affectionate" finger down the side of Sydney's face and starts to turn to walk away, but Sydney punches her right in the face. They start a fistfight in the middle of the store, with Anna getting the better of Sydney at first. She fights off Sydney's first attack, sending her knocking into the wall display. A security guard steps forward to subdue Anna, but she quickly dispatches of him. However, that gives Sydney time to recover and Sydney kicks her twice in the abdomen before taking a couple of punches. Then Sydney runs up and onto a display case to kick Anna in the face, knocking her back into a mannequin. Blood runs from the side of Anna's mouth. She sees the car door opener lying in front of her and quickly palms it. Sydney goes to grab Anna, but Anna grabs an arm from the fallen mannequin and whacks Sydney with it, but Sydney does a spin kick, which knocks Anna onto one of the display cases. Anna goes to punch Sydney, buy Sydney side steps it, grabs Anna's arm, turns it, and shoves her face-first back down onto the display case. From behind them, they hear, Guard: Dispatch, I need backup. Sydney looks over at him and then lets go of Anna's arm, saying, Sydney: She can have the blouse. Sydney walks across the room and retrieves the handbag. Anna walks toward her holding out the key fob. They blatantly make the switch and Anna walks out. Cut to Sydney running frantically through the parking garage, hitting the button over and over, trying to find a car it belongs to. Finally, a car sounds behind her and she runs to it. Sydney looks in the windows of the car and then pops the trunk to find Nadia lying there bound and gagged, but otherwise okay. She flicks open a switchblade and cuts Nadia's bonds and helps her out of the trunk. They cling to each other. Sydney: Are you okay? Nadia doesn't answer, just clings to her. Cut to an establishing shot of a federal penitentary. Cut to Vaughn and a guard walking down a corridor inside the prison. They get to the end of the hall and stop at the end cell. Vaughn: Open it up. Guard: Procedure dictates... Vaughn: We're old friends. Camera pans to Sark, sitting on his bed inside the cell. Sark: Actually, given our shared intimacies with your late wife, I may even go so far as to say we're family... The guard opens the door and Vaughn steps inside, giving Sark a menacing look. CUT TO BLACK Sark: Mr. Vaughn, your timing is impeccable. The last of my broken bones has finally healed and I sit before you a fresh canvas for your aggression. Before we begin whatever inquisition you're here for, there is a...pesky question that's been lingering in my head. Do you mind? Vaughn: Go ahead. Sark: Was it the infidelity or the espionage that motivated you to kill the woman I loved? Vaughn (with a snort of disbelief): The woman you loved? Sark: Yes, loved. (pause) You know, she once actually told me that she longed to love you...but the mundane existence you provided couldn't hold a candle to my passion. Vaughn punches Sark hard across the face. Vaughn: That wasn't for sleeping with the woman I was married to; I couldn't care less about her. Sark: Then what, the torture? Vaughn: This is how it's gonna be...and I'm only gonna give you one shot at this. The CRF... they've hired Anna Espinosa. They're building a bomb. Why have they made repeated attempts to contact you? Sark: So it's begun. Vaughn: What has? Sark: Wouldn't you like to know? Vaughn: Well, you're gonna tell me...what they're planning and where they're located. And if you're fishing for some kind of pardon agreement; it's not in the cards. But I am willing to provide you with certain amenities that will make your life in confinement a little more comfortable. Sark: I see your bargaining skills have gone the way of your manhood... Vaughn: Let me rephrase that: I'd be willing to leave you with what you already have and not make your life more uncomfortable. Sark: I don't see that there's much left to take away. Vaughn: You stonewall me, and I'll have you shipped to Alder Penitentary, and I'll have you secured in darkened solitary to the end days. 24/7 in a pitch black cell with zero human contact is a slow way to die. Especially with all the demons you've got in your closet; and believe me, they will come knocking. Sark: I regret to inform you, Mr. Vaughn...I'm not afraid of the dark. Vaughn gets up and sighs, nodding toward the guard at the end of the hall. Vaughn: You should be. I'm having you transferred to Alder tonight. Vaughn is buzzed out of the cell and walks down the hallway and out around the corner, where Jack is waiting. Jack: How did he respond? Vaughn: As expected. Jack: We'll send in the surgical team this evening. Cut to establishing daytime shot of LA by helicopter. Cut to Weiss coming to a stop at the entrance to APO's entrance tunnel. Cut to Sydney and Nadia slowly walking up that hallway. Nadia walks forward, Eric walks forward to meet her. He's obviously very worried about her. Stopping in front of her, Eric asks, Weiss: What'd she do to you? Nadia: I'll be okay. Weiss: You sure? Nadia: MmmHmm. I should go. Nadia looks back at Sydney, who now approaches them and they walk on to the end of the tunnel where Arvin Sloane is now waiting. Nadia (to Sloane): Hey. Sloane puts a fatherly hand on the side of Nadia's face. Sloane: I'm so glad you're all right. (to Sydney) Thank you, Sydney. Sydney doesn't answer, just stares right through him. Sydney: The doctor's waiting. Cut to a close up shot of Nadia's "brand" and the damage around it as the doctor examines it. Dr. Jain: The tissue in the scorched region is completely mascerated so we'll have to graft new skin. But we can fix this. Nadia: Thank you. Dr. Jain: I'll be back in a minute to dress it for you. Sydney enters as Dr. Jain leaves. Sydney: We're gonna find Anna. We know who she's working for now; we're tracking her down. Nadia: She said things...about us. That we'll be torn apart. What does that mean? Cut to Sydney and Nadia sitting at Sydney's desk. Nadia has had her wound bandaged. Sydney: When Mom died, I requested clearance to her files. I got it. There was an audio tape, surveillance from a hotel in Hamburg. She was talking to a man; his voice was never identified. She was describing the symbology of this (pulls up a photo on her computer screen): the Mark of Rambaldi. She said the outer markings represent her two daughters. The center is the object over which they will do great battle...with each other. Nadia looks up at Sydney, shocked. Sydney: Those are her words. (Sydney shakes her head) And then Mom went quiet...it was almost as if the next part were too painful. Nadia: Tell me. Sydney: Nadia, it's insane. Nadia: What? Sydney: According to Rambaldi, only one of the daughters will survive. I'm not gonna lie to you; some of the predictions Rambaldi made have come true. So if...if you wanna go back... Nadia: To Argentina? Do you believe in all this? Rambaldi? Sydney: No. But the people who do are dangerous. They're zealots who will stop at nothing to make their visions into reality. Nadia: Are you kidding me? Change my life because some...freakshow made a prediction 400 years ago? Anna can try to tear us apart; make some ridiculous prediction come true...but we're together now. Sydney looks visibly moved. Cut to a ceiling air vent. It's making a slight hissing sound. Cut to Sark's sleeping form on the cot in his cell. A light goes on and three men with gas masks enter the cell. Sark does not awaken. One of them is Marshall, he hands a injection gun to another masked man and then opens up a small suitcase and begins typing. The man loads a small glowing pellet into the gun as Marshall's computer says "Countdown Activated". The man injects the pellet into Sark's neck. Sark doesn't move. The two masked men and Marshall leave the cell and lock it back up. Cut to Marshall's suitcase computer, still linked to the chip inserted in Sark's neck. Vaughn: Sark's being transferred to Alder tonight. Marshall: Good, because the tracking device is in. That anesthetic gas? Totally knocked Sark out; didn't know what hit him. Vaughn: How many hours until the delayed activator goes hot? Marshall: Twenty-four. Oh, and if the CRF tries to run a counter-surveillance sweep on Sark? No detecto. That's not the only modification that Mr. Bristow authorized. Now, the tracker is packed with a high-density explosive. Marshall pulls out a small remote and shows it to Vaughn. Marshall: Just enough to blow off his melon if he goes off book. Marshall puts the antenna back down on the remote and hands it to Vaughn, who puts it in his inside coat pocket. Marshall: You mess with a friend of Flinkman? You're messin' with Flinkman. Vaughn: Good job, Marshall. Cut to Sark in the process of being transferred. He is shackled hand and foot and let out to an armored transport van with no windows and placed into the back. Guard (over walkie talkie heard through wall of van by Sark): This transport team Alpha. We have secured the prisoner and we are in route. ETA 0600. Home Base (via walkie talkie): Copy that, Alpha. Just then, we hear a speeding vehicle and then a sudden explosion rocks the van as it skids in reaction. Sark is thrown around in the back of the van. There are sounds of much gunfire as it hits the side of the vehicle. The van continues to swerve and Sark is repeatedly thrown about the back of the van as the van attempts to outrun its attackers. Guard (over walkie talkie): One man down. Three vehicles in pursuit! There are more gunshots and then the van falls over on it's side, throwing Sark around once more. All is quiet, and then the door to the back of the van falls open. A lone, hunched man stands there in the pouring rain holding a machine gun and then tosses a set of keys at Sark. Man: Come with me! Come on! They start running from the back of the van to the man's escape vehicle. Man: Quickly! Go! They run out in front of the tipped over van and get into the attacker's van. The street is filled with carnage of dead guards and overturned vehicles. Man: Get in back! There is change of clothes! They get in a drive away. We get a shot of the dead guards inside the front of the van...and then one of them opens his eyes. Cut to Jack in his office at APO. There is a knock at the door and Jack looks up to see Sydney. Sydney: You got a minute? Jack nods and Sydney enters and sits down. Sydney: We picked up chatter on a meet schedule between the CRF and an admistrator at the Chillignost Chemical labs in Estonia...Ivan Vorich. Jack: Chillignost was a Soviet run facility; marginal security at best. Theft of a level 4 toxin could go unnoticed there for years. Sydney: It's probably just a meet, but...if Anna's there, this would be our best shot at getting her back in our sights. Jack pauses, thinking, then stands up. Jack: Take Nadia with you. Observation only. If Vorich has a sample of VX, I want you to find out where it is. This is a surveillance...not a boxing match. Can I trust you to maintain your professionalism? Sydney (looking chastened): She brings out the worst in me, Dad, but yes, of course. Sydney looks down as if something is bothering her. Jack immediately notices. Jack: What is it? Sydney: Anna never checked the sample. Jack: Marshall said he couldn't have made a good fake anyway. Sydney: You were right, Dad. I was stubborn. I'm sorry. Jack: You trusted your instincts to ensure the safe return of a fellow agent...a member of your family...and you succeeded. Sydney looks at Jack and almost gives him a smile. Cut to the van containing Sark pulling to a halt in a vacant area. Man: Take the motorcycle. Get yourself to CRF headquarters. Sark: What about you? Man: Follow protocol! Go! Sark gets out of the van and gets onto the motorcycle, puts on the helmet and rides off in the rain. As Sark pulls away, the man says via comms: Man: Tango is in motion. Jack (via comms): Copy that. Cut to Jack, Vaughn, and Marshall in the APO briefing room. Jack: In the next 24 hours, Sark should lead us to CRF headquarters. We'll put a tactical team on stand-by. For now, we wait. Marshall: Who wants to order Chinese? I'm starving. Marshall continues to talk nervously as Jack and Vaughn give him identical stares. Marshall: Thai? Indian? Cut to Sydney walking down the APO hallway. She is stopped by Sloane. Sloane: Sydney? You and your sister? Are you going after Anna? Sydney: This is highly inappropriate. Excuse me. She starts to walk off, but Sloane jogs to keep up with her. Sloane: Come on, Sydney...you know of Anna's beliefs. Sydney reluctantly stops and turns around. Sloane: You know the lengths she'll go to see them realized. Sydney: You wanna talk about beliefs!? This is something you wanna discuss? From where I'm standing, it was your mad obsession with Rambaldi that dragged both me and Nadia into this endless pit of confusion. So, given that, let me ask you: What is it you believe? Sloane: I believe that if the two of you go out on this mission, and Anna Espinosa has her way (gets choked up)...that only one of you will return home...alive. Sydney gives Sloane this look like "You sick, sad, loathesome little man" and walks away, leaving a troubled Sloane to stare after her. CUT TO BLACK Cut to nighttime shot of LA skyline via helicopter. Cut to the APO crew minus Sloane, Nadia and Sydney sitting at the APO briefing room table. Cartons of Chinese food litter the table. Weiss gets up and starts pacing. Weiss: Okay, it's been 24 hours; Sark's tracker is still dark. Marshall (in front of laptop): I know. I'm checking the satellite...making sure it's not off-line. Weiss: You sure you did the insertion properly? Marshall: Come on...it's me. Jack: I can't stress how critical it is we locate CRF headquarters. Marshall: I know, all right? Why is everybody picking on me? Weiss sighs and pushes himself back to a stand from leaning over the table. Marshall: Seriously! It's hard work...(after a moment) Okay, I got it; it's hot. They are in South Africa...Johanessburg...658 Kroner Street, to be exact. Dixon: Let's move, people! Everyone but Marshall gets up and leaves the table. Jack walks by Sloane's office, then stops for a moment to talk to him. Jack: Sydney and Nadia are in Estonia. Dixon is leading a team to Johannesburg to raid CRF headquarters. This should all be over soon. Sloane: Thank you. Jack walks away and we pan to Sloane's unreadable expression. JOH(A)NNESBURG Cut to the exterior of what appears to be an abandoned warehouse. Pan to Dixon's team, about to enter the building. Dixon: Maintain your perimeter cover points. We need to lock this building down tight. Weiss: No one slips out. We'd rather take home data on CRF , not prisoners. Dixon: Let's go. Go, go, go, go. The team begins the raid. Dixon, Vaughn, Weiss and the team begin to search the building with flashlights and guns drawn. So far, everything appears deserted. Dixon peers around a corner, then informs the team quietly, Dixon: I've got something. They follow Dixon down a hallway to a door, which, once in position, they break down to storm the room. It appears to be a cafeteria of sorts...lots of tables in a row. Only one man sits in the dark in that room. Their flashlights reveal, Sark: Gentlemen. Sark pops the cork off a bottle of champagne. Sark: Were you expecting a bigger party? Sark irreverently takes a swig of champagne. Vaughn (in half disbelief): This isn't CRF headquarters... Sark: You're a genius. Vaughn: Where are we? Sark: Nowhere...in particular, and that's the truth. Just a nice place for a chat. Vaughn puts his gun down and approaches Sark. Sark: Really, Michael...don't look so shocked. You couldn't have had such low expectations of me? Vaughn looks as if he wants to beat the crap out of Sark...either that or cough up a hairball. He looks both visibly sick and incredibly angry. Sark stands up and approaches him. Sark: Now...with regards to your previous request, I will help you locate CRF leadership...but, as always, you must do something for me in return. Vaughn: Why the charade? If you were going to cooperate, why run at all? Sark: For the bubbly, of course. Sark takes another swig from the champagne bottle. CUT TO BLACK ESTO(N)IA Cut to nighttime stock footage of what is supposed to be Estonia. Cut to Sydney and Nadia placed near a window of the chemical lab, waiting for the meet. Nadia: We're early. Sydney (teasing): Who says girls can't make it anywhere on time? Get comfortable. The elevator dings and the sisters give each other a look of almost disbelief saying "Already?" We see a man exit the elevator. Nadia: Vorich. Sydney: All right, one down; one to go. Where are you, Anna? Come on... Povich walks down a hallway as Sydney and Nadia surreptitously follow his progress. They stop to watch outside a window as Vorich checks his watch. Suddenly, from behind a piece of construction plastic (the floor they are meeting on is having renovations), Anna reaches out and starts to strangle Vorich. Sydney (to Nadia): Let's take her. Man (from behind them with gun drawn): Bad idea. It's the henchman that helped hold Nadia's head in place when Anna branded her. Man (to Nadia): I was hoping we could spend a little more time together... Nadia kicks the gun out of his hand and Sydney kicks the man over backward. She turns and looks through the window to see Anna taking a canister that looks like a small fire extinguisher from inside Vorich's coat. Anna looks up and her eyes meet Sydney's. Sydney (to Nadia): Vorich had the VX gas with him. Nadia: Go! Sydney runs off after Anna as Nadia fights the henchman. He aims his gun at her as she struggles to hold it away from her. She is able to eject the bullet cartridge and then forces him to shoot the one bullet in the chamber away from her, and then knocks the gun aside. Cut to Anna running down a staircase and Sydney chasing her. Cut back to Nadia still fighting the henchman. She kicks him and goes in for a punch, but he grabs her arm and knifes her across her side. She kicks him away from her and then whips off her belt. She wraps it around his hands to bind them and then, as they topple over, the knife stabs the henchman in a blow that will soon kill him. Cut back to Sydney, who pulls her gun as she enters another open workspace. She rounds a corner and then reacts as a shot ricochets off the metal plate of an elevator beside her. Another one rings off the metal as Sydney ducks back behind another corner and we see Anna running off. Sydney takes a few shots of her own. Cut to Nadia as she pushes the knife even deeper into the man's chest. Nadia: Why is the CRF assembling this bomb? What do they have planned? Man: It's no use...you're too late. Nadia shoves the knife even deeper. Nadia: Tell me! She leans over the dying man as he whispers something she hears, but we cannot. She leans back, looking shocked. Cut to Sydney, running to chase Anna. She comes into another work area; much of it is draped with that plastic drop cloth material that hangs from ceiling to floor. Sydney looks around, not seeing Anna. Cut to Nadia, getting up from the henchman who is at least unconscious, if not dead. She grabs the henchman's handgun, reloads it and runs off to find Sydney. She runs by a surveillance camera. Cut back to Sydney, still searching carefully for Anna. Sydney sees a figure's shadow from behind one of the panels of draped drop cloth and moves in, gun drawn...but it's not Anna; it's Nadia, her gun also drawn. Both heave a great gasp as they begin to lower their guns. Sydney: Oh my God, I thought you were... Nadia: Anna. Nadia starts to walk toward Sydney to hug her and...a bullet round goes off. Nadia has been shot in the back. Sydney looks up and sees Anna running away. Nadia feels her back and pulls her hand away all bloody. She drops to the ground as Sydney cradles her head. Sydney: Nadia...Oh God...Oh, God...Don't be scared! Nadia gasps and begins to sob. So does Sydney. Sydney: I'm right here...It's okay... stay with me! Breathe...just stay with me... Nadia is beginning to lose consciousness. Sydney: Just keep breathing... Nadia has passed out. Sydney: Nadia...Nadia! (Sydney shakes Nadia's head, trying to get a reaction, but doesn't get one. Sydney begins to look frantic.) Look at me! Look at me! Look me in the eye! Don't...don't...I'm right here, don't... Off of Sydney's panicked, sobbing face we, CUT TO BLACK

Former K Directorate agent Anna Espinosa abducts and tortures Nadia. Sydney relates a Rambaldi prophecy that says that she and her sister must fight to the death. Sloane makes it clear that Espinosa is part of the Cadmus Revolutionary Front; a Rambaldi-obsessed group and will try to make the prophecy come true. Espinosa shoots Nadia, leaving her in a coma. Mr. Sark claims to have knowledge about the Cadmus Revolutionary Front and tries to cut a deal.

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CRU - Street Frannie : Ready to get your ass kicked? Ready to kick yours actually. Rebecca : Please. You dogs are all bark. Casey : What did you call us? Rebecca : You heard me. Care to make things a little more interesting? Frannie : Like a bet? Rebecca : Are you even allowed to? Isn't gambling a gateway behavior back to bitchery? Casey : Well, you're the expert. So what are your terms? Rebecca : Losers are on laundry duty for a week. Frannie : What an amateur. Losers are on bathroom duty... Fraternity bathroom duty. Casey : Sounds good. Losers clean their winning team's bathrooms. We're on. I forgot how good you are when you're bad. Frannie : Don't be silly. I've sworn off bad, remember? OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room Frannie : ZBZ fest is our annual philanthropy event in which every fraternity at CRU competes for the ZBZ fest cup as well as the title of big cat on campus, which was named after our famous ZBZ mascot, PussyWillow the Cat. Aside from bragging rights, all of the money you raise through this week's activities will go to charity. And as your coach, I will be guiding you through each event, which will test your... LAMBDA SIGMA HOUSE - Garden Casey : Talent, endurance, and athleticism. That one should be easy for you guys. As for the events, we have the scratching post pole cross contest, the kitty kennel phone-a-thon the sitting kitty seesaw sit. And the crowning event of ZBZ fest, the Mr. Purr-fect pageant. And you guys know what that means. Pick the brother who looks best in a speedo. Kidding. Shane : Well, thank God. 'Cause I'm a thong man. Casey : Where was I? All right, the Mr. Purr-fect event... KAPPA TAU HOUSE - Living room Rebecca : Will be worth the most points. Are you guys even listening to me? Beaver : That's so cool. My mom taught me. Hey, Rebecca, do you have a rubber band? Rebecca : Cappie, they're not listening to me. Cappie : Guys. Come on. Let's show the lady some respect, please. Rebecca : Is there a problem, Rusty? Rusty : No. Rebecca : Then why did you roll your eyes? Rusty : It's like, the dust. Rebecca : If that's the case, then I suggest you and the pledges need to keep the place cleaner. Now for our first practice, I've scheduled four hours of cardio. Rusty : Actually, I don't think I'm gonna have enough time to compete in the ZBZ fest thing because I'm a polymer science major. That's pretty time consuming. Rebecca : Participation is mandatory for pledges. Cappie : She's right, Spitz. Besides, weren't you just bragging to the guys that you're so far ahead in your classes that you're reading Stephen Hawking for fun? Beaver : That's right. You said that. I remember, 'cause I told Wade you were such a tool. Rusty : I did say that. Cappie : So what's the problem? Rusty : There's no problem. Rebecca : No problem here. Cappie : There's no problem. Credits CRU - Sports field - Rebecca's Team Cappie : Please, can we... Rebecca : Fine. Do them girl style. But no more drinks-named-after- body-parts nights during training! Cappie : But the fuzzy navels were so... fuzzy. Rebecca : Cappie...Let this sink in take a hit you'll be cleaning up our... Shape up or a total drinking ban. I mean, no wonder no one wanted to coach you guys. And where is everyone else? Cappie : Well, we're not that good at getting places... On time. Rebecca : Well, someone in the house needs to make sure you are. I need an assistant. Someone responsible. Cappie : I know who'd be perfect. Beaver : Who? Cappie : Spitter, of course. He's responsible. Rebecca : Rusty's a polymer science major. Rusty : I'm a... Rebecca : It's a really time consuming major. Rusty : Thank you for consideration, Rebecca. Rebecca : Just trying to help you out. Cappie : Obviously, you don't like each other. Rebecca : Good. We're all on the same page. Not good. I'll pick someone else. Cappie : No. I want you two to like each other. Rebecca : Cap, it's not going to happen. He's Casey's brother. And he's the creepy perv who keeps "accidentally" walking in on me during intimate moments and then judging me. Rusty : She shouldn't be doing such judgment provoking things if she doesn't want to be judged. Rebecca : See, the perfect impasse. Cappie : The perfect opportunity for two of my favorite people to learn to get along. You have a lot in common. You both like green peppers and... wait... Olives on your pizza. I've seen you both trip on the step of that history building. This is a match made in heaven. Rusty & Rebecca : Try hell. Cappie : Look, you both... You both think alike already. I love it. Here. Embrace. Rebecca : Get back to work! Beaver, who told you... CRU - Sports field - Frannie's Team Frannie : You're all wet. Evan : Listen... we need to talk, right? I mean, about what happened. I was drunk... Frannie : You know me better than that, Evan. Yes, it was a drunken mistake. And we'll never speak of it again. Evan : Good. Great. This may sound hard to believe after everything that's happened, but I'd actually like for us to be friends. And as your friend, I wouldn't let one little kiss jeopardize... anything. CRU - Sports field - Casey's Team Casey : Nice hustle. Ashleigh : Now I get why you accidentally forgot the downstairs dryer shrinks everything. I love new crushes. New crushes are so fun. Casey : They're also scary. New crushes lead to new dates, which lead to new relationships, which led to new breakups, which... Ashleigh : Oh my God. Just stop overthinking it. Just enjoy the totally hot guy who's totally staring at you right now. Casey : Maybe this is fun. CRU - Street Calvin : I wish you were our coach. I know Frannie's supposedly nice now, but I still catch an underlying whiff of evil every time she walks by. Ashleigh : Well, she called you guys first fair and square. And I am perfectly happy as spirit chair. I am not shout-y enough for coaching. Oh my God ! It's Michael! My french TA. Didn't I tell you about him? He's gay. Well, I think. You guys would be so cute together. Calvin : Why? Because we're the only two gay guys that you know? Ashleigh : No. You got it all wrong. I only think that he's gay. I don't really know. But would a straight guy go to axanadusing-along? Calvin : I wouldn't date a guy that went to axanadusing-along anyway. So I think I'll pass. Ashleigh : Michael! This is Calvin. Remember, I was telling you about him? Calvin's been to France too. Michael just got back from France. Calvin : So, how was France? Michael : It was nice. I went to some lectures. I saw some art. How was it when you went? Calvin : I was nine. I had escargot and then threw up in the elevator of the Eiffel Tower and started crying. Michael : Oh my God. Me too. Ashleigh : You should get coffee, talk more about France. Michael : Well, we are both gay. Ashleigh : So you are gay. I knew it. Michael : So how about it? Calvin : Sure. Why not? KAPPA TAU HOUSE - Living room Beaver : Can't move my arms. I can't lift beer. Rusty : Yes, and does that include the exfoliating... cuticle... Scrub... And paraffin... dip? Yes, I also need... wax. The non-eyebrow kind. Thank you. Bye. This is ridiculous. How my scheduling Rebecca's grooming appointments helps us win ZBZ fest? Wade : I don't know. Wait. What did she say? Rusty : She said she needed to focus entirely on our training schedule. That's it. I'm gonna talk to Cappie. Straighten this out. All : No ! Rusty : Don't you want me to get her off our backs? I'm gonna tell Cappie what a pain she's being. Wade : Dude, are you crazy? You talk about breaking the guy code. Rusty : What's that? Bros before hos? Wade : Bros before hos is... It's just a motto. All right, the guy code is practically written law. Rusty : Is it you have to protect your friends from their evil girlfriends? Wade : It's that you have to accept your bro's girlfriend even if you can't stand her or know she's wrong for him. Guys who are whipped do not tolerate criticism of their girls. Unless the girl in question is putting your bro in mortal danger, you smile and schedule her waxing appointments. Rusty : That's it? Wade : And hope they break up soon. Beaver : Spitter ? Will you pour this beer in my mouth? CRU - Street - Caf Evan : Too bad you're not our coach. Casey : Yeah. Evan : You led us to a decisive victory last year. Casey : That's true. How's it looking this year? Evan : Well, I know about the bet. So don't try to get any inside information from me. No, but seriously, though. It would be nice to have you hanging around again. Casey : I figured it was time to try something different. But it is... weird not being around. Evan : So you said you'd like us to try being friends. Well, I got to thinkin', and I don't see why not. You know, 'cause we're over each other, obviously we're not angry at each other any more. Seems like a perfect... Shane : Fancy meeting you here, coach. Casey : I'm so glad I ran into you. I have this really great idea. Hang on. I can't divulge this in front of the enemy. Sorry, you know I can't lose that bet. I'm glad we talked. I'll see you later. Come on, Shane. I can't want to tell you what I came up with. CRU - Sports field - Rebecca's Team Rebecca : It's hot. Rusty : Do you want me to blow on it until it cools off? Rebecca : I'm saying that I wanted an iced latte. Rusty : You didn't say iced. Rebecca : I think I did. Rusty : You didn't. I have a photographic and highly detailed memory. Rebecca : Well, if you're so smart, why couldn't you figure out that it's too hot out today for a latte? Rusty : Well, if you weren't such a... Rebecca : Yes? Rusty : Dedicated coach, you would have time to worry about lattes. But you don't. So I'm gonna go get you another one. Rebecca : Good. CRU - Sports field Ashleigh : Okay, everyone. This is the final heat of the ZBZ fest scratching post. Once again, whoever makes it across the pole first wins. Your arms and legs must be touching the pole at all times. And as a reminder, lewd pole jokes were maybe funny the first time, mildly amusing the second. But by the sixth, it was just sad. On your marks, get set... Rebecca : Beaver, if you win this, I'll let you make out with me for one minute! Casey : We did it. Frannie : Don't worry. This is just one battle. The war is ours. Evan : Absolutely. KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : Rebecca told me to tell you all that she can't even look at you right now. She said something about Beaver too, but I'm not gonna repeat that here. She went to type up a new training schedule. We're all supposed to think about our shame. That was her. I have to go. Cappie : She's taking this a little too seriously, huh? Went a little too far. Guys? Wade : Don't worry about it. Ben Bennett : Yeah, it's cute when she does it. Heath : Yeah. Like like a kitten. Cappie : Seriously? Beaver : What could be better than a hot chick orderin'around a bunch of guys? Heath : Even I think that's hot. Cappie : Well, I guess she is kind of like a... Sexy Bobby knight. Wade : Exactly. Cappie : So we're all cool then? All right, well... Dobler's? CRU - Street - Caf Calvin : You are the only other person I know who doesn't like cheese. Michael : Everyone I know thinks it's weird. Calvin : I'm not gonna judge you on your cheese-lessness. Michael : Speaking of judging, did you watch ANTM Last night? Calvin : America's next top model? As in... "I have two beautiful girls standing before me. One of them wants this more than anything in the world, but has no personality. The other one takes beautiful pictures, but is plus-sized." Michael : Nice Tyra. Calvin : It's been a while. I... haven't watched since I started pledging. Michael : Why not? It's better than ever. Calvin : Really? Omega Chi guy : Owens, nice work on the pole today. Michael : Work on the pole? Calvin : What have I missed? It's just a ZBZ fest thing. You catch Cavaliers game last night? Omega Chi guy : Man, how sweet was that three-pointer? Calvin : Lebron is the man. So, I'll catch you guys back at the house. I'm so sorry. I should've introduced you. Michael : Hey, you're under no obligation. KT HOUSE - Cappie's room Cappie : So that's how you want it tonight? Rebecca : Stay away from me. Cappie : This usually works a lot better when we're not far from each other. Rebecca : You're in training. You need to save up some stamina. So no s*x. Cappie : I'll have you know, I have a surplus of stamina. Okay, I think you're taking this training thing a bit too far. Rebecca : I haven't heard any complaints. They've all been really nice to me. I think they know it's in the spirit of competion. And if they're not complaing, then as their leader, you shouldn't be either. Cappie : True. Rebecca : So I was thinking... We try some role playing. Cappie : Now you're talkin'. Let me get the costumes. What do you think? Business woman or lost german tourist? Rebecca : The kitty kennel event is tomorrow. So how about you practice asking for donations, I'll play reluctant donor on the other end of the line. Cappie : This isn't a 900 number by any chance, is it? Rebecca : Uh. Uh. Cappie : Ok. Great. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room Man : Got a delivery. Calvin : Hey, there's a sorority house next door. Man : Calvin Owens? Omega chi 1 : That's sweet... That a dude sent you flowers. Omega chi 2 : That looks like, baby's breath over there. Omega chi 1 : Definitely baby's breath. I wonder why they call it that. ZBZ HOUSE - Ashleigh & Casey's room Ashleigh : I haven't seen you this perky since we tried those push-up bras. Casey : Well, it's fun being a coach. Especially coaching a bunch of guys who are totally angst-free and have no desire to discuss the status of our relationship. It's refreshing. We should mix with those guys more. Ashleigh : Guys or guy? 'Cause I think you want a one-on-one mixer with Shane. Casey : I ran into Evan the other day. Ashleigh : Not Evan. Fun, new guy. Fun, new guy! Casey : And seeing Evan only made me realize how much I need a fun, new guy. Ashleigh : Yes. Casey : But I do think Evan and I are actually going to be able to be friends. Ashleigh : So what's Shane's major? Casey : That's the best part. Who knows and who cares? All I know is I'm no longer majoring in Cappie or Evan. CRU - Sports field - Frannie's Team Evan : Yeah. No, thank you very much, ma'am. That's a very, very generous donation. Okay, I'm done. Frannie : Wow. $300 in 15 minutes? You work fast. Evan : Let me out, please. Frannie : Someone is sensitive. Care to share? Evan : With you? Frannie : Let me guess. It's a Casey issue? Let me guess again. I'm the last person you want to talk to about Casey. I get it. It's okay. Good work today. Evan : Hey, Frannie, I'm sorry. Okay, it's not you. I'm just... Casey wants us to be friends, right? I said I was onboard, but I don't think I am at all. I don't know. I don't know. It feels like it might be too late now. So guess I just gotta accept the fact that we weren't meant to be. Frannie : I don't believe in that. Evan : Believe in... Frannie : Meant to be. Fate. Destiny. All that powerless crap. Evan, fate is for poor people. Otherwise we wouldn't have a state lottery. You're more in control than you think. Or at least you could be. Give yourself a little more credit. Start using what you've got. Because... You've got a lot. CRU - Sports field - Rebecca's Team Rusty : Hello. My name is Rusty Cartwright. And I am a student at Cyprus-Rhodes University. Today, in association with the Zeta... Hello? They hung up again. Rebecca : Yeah, well, I'd hang up on you too the way you drone on. Rusty : I'm not droning. Rebecca : You're dronin'. Rusty : I'm reading what's on the script. Rebecca : You need to loosen up your delivery. Get off the page. Think outside the box. Relax. Relax. Relax. Relax! Give me your script. Stop staring and make a call. You've been in there for over an hour and have only raised $2! Everyone else is done. Rusty : Hi. Hi, little girl. Is your mommy home? No? You're all by yourself? Because I need a special favor. Rebecca : Hang up. Rusty : Are you crying? Don't cry. No, that's. It's okay. No. Rebecca : Hang up. Hang up! Hang up! God, Rusty, you're trying to get them to donate money, not get in your van! Did Casey ask you to throw this so that I'd lose the bet? You know what? Forget it! Okay. You're done. Rusty : I think I'm gonna stay in here a few more minutes. Rebecca : Why? Do I scare you? Rusty : Okay, Rebecca, I don't think you realize how harshly you come across. Beaver : Spitter, no. Rebecca : And I don't think harshness would be necessary if you could do just one thing right. Rusty : I don't think I need lessons in competence from someone who can't even get a boyfriend without stealing one from my sister. Rebecca : Please give me dating advice, Mr. Jen K. Rusty : Good luck! Cappie : Rusty! Beaver : Hey, Cap. Cappie : Hey, what's going on? Rusty seemed upset. Beaver : Did Cappie : Rebecca do something? Beaver : No. No. It's not Rebecca. Rusty's upset because of... Science. Cappie : Science. Beaver : Yeah. He found out that the guy that invented gravity just died. Isn't that sad? Cappie : Beav, Isaac Newton has been dead for like 300 years. Beaver : Really? Guess Rusty's not as smart as we thought. CRU - Michael's Office Michael : Office hours are over, but... Calvin : Flowers. Michael : You didn't like the arrangement? Calvin : I didn't like you trying to embarrass me to prove a point. I'm sorry. All right? I should've introduced you to my brothers and I didn't. Michael : Calvin, I send flowers to guys I like sometimes. I'm sorry it bothered your fraternity brothers. Calvin : It didn't. They were perfectly fine with it because they're my friends. Michael : So what's the problem? Calvin : The problem is they're fraternity guys, okay? They're not supposed to be nice about things like that. If I were any other guy, they would have made fun of me. You know, and then they would've made me clean the toilet with my toothbrush like any other self-respecting fraternity guy would. Michael : Well, my bathroom's a mess. You're welcome to it. Actually, my bathroom is pristine and filled with high quality beauty products just like any other self-respecting gay guy's. Is that okay with you? Look, can we both agree that before I sent you flowers, we kind of liked each other? Calvin : Agreed. Michael : In that case, I'm gonna be at the gay and lesbian short film festival tomorrow with some friends. I would love to see you there. KAPPA TAU HOUSE - Living room Cappie : So, Spitter, how many Pi Sigma Thetas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Rusty : I don't know, Cap. How many? Cappie : Silly Spitter, those pretty boys could never screw in a light bulb. Their hands are too slippery from all the hair gel residue. Rusty : What's my line? Just tell me. What is it? I'll get it. Rebecca : Cap, you know you're my Mr. Perfect. Cappie : Thanks, babe. Rebecca : But you don't have a shot in hell of winning the Mr. Purr-fect pageant. Not with Rusty in your routine. I have to take a walk and think about a new approach. I suggest you two practice. No matter how futile it is. Rusty : I can't take this anymore. I have to tell you something. Cappie : Do we need to take this upstairs? Rusty : Right. I know this is gonna be hard for you to hear, but you have to hear it. Cappie : Is it that my girlfriend's driving you crazy? And that she's taking this competition way too seriously and tormenting everyone? Rusty : Exactly. Cappie : And that she's emasculating you beyond belief? Rusty : Yes. Yes! Cappie : Thank God. You guys kept saying that you were fine with her, and I thought I was going crazy. Why didn't you come to me about this sooner? Rusty : Well, it was the...The guy code. Cappie : The g... Good lord. Do you know how many lives have been lost to the guy code? How much manly dignity? That thing needs to be overturned before it's too late. Rusty : Yeah, well, you Wade and Beaver kept telling me. Cappie : Wade and B... Wade spent an entire semester with a very thin mustach thanks to the guy code. And Beaver, Beaver almost became a Canadian citizen. It's a very dangerous, antiquated statute, Spitter. Rusty : Does this mean you're gonna dump Rebecca? Cappie : No. Of course not. It means we're gonna help her. She needs us. Rusty : Us? Cappie : Yes, us. I can't do this alone. Here's what I got in mind. CRU - Sports fields Casey : So how long has it been? Shane : About... four hours and... something. Casey : Wow. That's $100 raised already. Shane : It's a good thing this is for charity. I'd have to charge you for the butt chafing. Casey : I don't have anything in here to help that. But I did bring lots of snacks. And... Because everything's better set to music, right? And some hot cocoa to keep you warm. Shane : I'm suspicious. None of the other guys got treats on their shifts. Are you favoring me inappropriately? Casey : Of course not. Shane : Are you sure? Casey : My favoring you is totally appropriate. Shane : So, what's up with you and Chambers anyway? You guys still broken up, or... Casey : Evan and I are just friends. Shane : That's good to hear. Casey : It's good to hear that you think that's good... To hear. Shane : I guess we'll have to take a rain check. Casey : Yeah. I guess so. Which one? Shane : Yeah. Cocoa. Thanks. Thank you for the snacks. Bye. Casey : Rain check. Shane : Rain check. Bring an umbrella. CRU - Doblers Casey : Hello, everyone. I'm Casey Cartwright, ZBZ President. And this is the Mr. Purr-fect pageant. Our top five qualifying teams will compete in this, the final ZBZ fest event. As you can see from the scores, tonight will decide the winner. I know I'm biased, but I have to say I'm pretty confident in my team's chances. Settle down. Although I do appreciate all your team spirit, let's kick off the night with the interview portion. First up from this lovely collection of gentlemen is Seth Lubinecki, mr. Psi Phi Pi. Please tell me the person who has influenced you the most and why? Mr Psi Phi Pi : I admire Mr. Bill Gates for several reasons. The least of which is his personal net worth. [SCENE_BREAK] CRU - Doblers - Backstage Calvin : Hey, Ash. Ashleigh : What are you doing here? I thought you had a date with Michael. Calvin : No. It wasn't a date. No. And I decided not to go. Ashleigh : What? I thought you liked him. Calvin : Ash, have you ever been to a gay movie? Ashleigh : Does "The devil wears Prada" count ? Calvin : No. No, I'm talking about an earnest coming of age film where some young kid in Idaho cuts himself while listening to erasure and then comes out to his preacher father who beats him and locks him in a closet. Ashleigh : That's depressing. Calvin : Exactly. I mean, why does everything have to be about being gay when you're gay? I'd rather just go see a homoerotic action movie with the brothers. Ashleigh : Calvin, you like Michael, right? Calvin : I think so. CRU - Doblers Mr Psi Phi Pi : That Mr. Gates is a dedicated member of the boy scouts of America. As am I. Eagle scout with the silver palm. CRU - Doblers - Backstage Ashleigh : You know what, let's go together. It can't be more depressing than this. And I need to find a crowd that appreciates my suede slouchy boots. CRU - Doblers Beaver : That's my boy! Frannie : Go, Evan! CRU - Doblers - Backstage Casey : Knock 'em dead. I know you will. Shane : Thanks. Casey : Hey. Sounded like the crowd really liked you out there. Evan : Thank God. That is a relief. Because, you know, if law school doesn't pan out, I've always had this secret desire to be a swimsuit model. Casey : I knew it. It's so weird that I knew that. Evan : Really? Casey : You did know that. Totally did. Frannie : There he is. Mr. Purr-fect. Don't you think? Casey : You know what I think? I think I've got this one in the bag. Frannie : Come on. Let's go make some magic. CRU - Doblers Evan : Thank you! Thank you very much. And a special thanks to my lovely assistant. She's a rare beauty. Jeff. CRU - Doblers - Backstage Rebecca : I can't believe you forgot to bring timmy the snake. Wrapping him around Rusty's neck was the highlight of the act. Cappie : Don't worry. I've got something special up my sleeve. Rebecca : Well, you better if you ever want me to... Ever again. Cappie : Don't you think that's a bit harsh? Don't worry. Give me a kiss. I'm gonna go make you proud. Rus, come on. Rus? CRU - Doblers Cappie : And now a little something from Shakespeare's lesser known works... Troilus and Cressida. Thought you were small. Okay. Time hath, my Lord, a wallet at his back wherein he puts alms... To oblivion. A great-sized monster of... Ingratitudes? Those scraps are of good deeds past, which are devoured as fast as they are made... A man : You suck! Cappie : Forgotten as soon as done. Perseverance, dear my Lord. Perseverance... Dear my Lord. CRU - Doblers - Backstage Rebecca : What the hell was that? Rusty : Shakespeare. He's one of the greatest authors and writers. Cappie : Could Spitter. Spitter. Rebecca : Seriously? Cappie : Can you please? Thank you. Rebecca : Cappie, I know you did that on purpose. What are you doing? Cappie : I'm saving our relationship. Rebecca : By making me lose a bet to your ex and scrub hepatis-ridden toilets? Cappie : Yes. Exactly. Rebecca : Have you lost your mind? Cappie : No. You did. I don't know if it was competing with Casey or what, but something made you crazy this week with me, with Rusty, with all the brothers who are my friends. And guy code version 2.0 requires me to respect my friends when I'm in a relationship. You lost it. And for what? Bragging rights over who looks better in a swimsuit? Since when did you care about collegiate amateur pageantry? You're Rebecca freakin'Logan! Rebecca : Oh my God. Cappie : Please don't hit me. CRU - Street Ashleigh : Yeah. Look at him. He's so cute. And he has amazing eyes. Calvin : I guess I just wish this particular gay guy were a little less... gay. Ashleigh : Why? Because you're worried about what other people might think? Like your brothers? From what you said, the only thing they're guilty of is being nice when you got some flowers. Calvin : So I guess the only problem here is me. Ashleigh : Breakthrough. Calvin : And I should just... Just get out of my own way. Ashleigh : Yes. And? Calvin : And... and... I should go watch some earnest vignettes with a guy with amazing eyes. Ashleigh : It's a start. CRU - Doblers Casey : And now the results verified by the accounting firm of Zeta Beta Zeta's own accounting major, Ivy. The winner is... Shane! Which means the Lambda Sigs are the winners of ZBZ fest. CRU - Doblers - Backstage Shane : Man. I couldn't have done it without you. Casey : Please, I think your fire juggling sealed the deal. Shane : And you were my muse. Casey : Are you saying I'm inflammatory? Shane : I'm saying I'd like to take you out for a celebratory drink. You know, elsewhere. Casey : I accept. Let me go gloat for a minute and I'll see you outside. Shane : Okay. Casey : Okay. Hey, Frannie. Evan : 'Scuse me. Hey. Congratulations, man. Best man won. Shane : Yeah. Too bad there's no prize money. See ya. Evan : Shane. Hey, Shane. Shane : Yeah. Evan : Were you serious about the prize money? Shane : Why? Evan : I'll pay you $500 to stay away from Casey. Shane : Whatever, dude. I'll see you around. Evan : I'm serious. Shane : You mean, like a buy-off? Evan : You can call it what you want. Shane : How about you get out of my face? Evan : How about $1,000? CRU - Street Casey : Hey! Finally. I was getting worried. Shane : Yeah. You know what... I don't think I'm up for it tonight. Casey : All right. Another rain check? A man : Hey, good job, Shane. Shane : I don't think so. See ya around, coach. Hold up, guys. KAPPA TAU HOUSE - Living room Cappie : So it's unanimous. The guy code has officially been overturned. First order of business in the post guy code era... Ferret, your girlfriend is clearly a prostitute. Second order of business in the post guy code era... Rebecca : Hi, guys. I'm sorry I tormented you. Despite the fact you lost, I should've been nice to you. I hope these make up for it. I'm sorry for being mean to you. And for making you run all my errands. And for calling you the first mentally challenged engineering major. Rusty : Polymer science. Rebecca : Hence the apology. Cappie : Look. She... she even got you your own... Your own pizza with your favorite toppings on it. Peppers and olives. Rusty : Okay. Okay. All right, I guess I can... Leave the past week of verbal abuse behind me. And we can be... Acquaintances who tolerate each other. Rebecca : Acquaintances who tolerate each other. Rusty : Actually, I like green peppers. Rebecca : Well, excuse me. Cappie : Okay, so Rebecca. I'll call you later. Rebecca : I'm just trying to help out. Cappie : Everybody say good-bye to Rebecca. All : Bye Rebecca !! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Frannie : What are you doing here? Evan : Let's just say I listened to your advice. Decided to take a little control of my life. Frannie : Good for you. Evan : God. I can't believe you're actually gonna clean the Lambda Sigs'bathroom. Frannie : Well, I, you know, I lost fair and square. It's time for me to pay up. Evan : Really? Frannie : Of course not. Evan : Okay. Frannie : Fraternity bathroom? Are you freaking kidding me? Rebecca and I hired a maid service and had them sent right over. This is just all so it looks good for Casey. I don't leave anything to chance either. Don't rat me out, okay? No. I'm off to the spa to get a massage. Tootles. Evan : Bye. Casey : Hey. Evan : Hey. So I was in the neighborhood. Considering I live in the neighborhood. And... I just wanted to see if you could maybe use a study break. You know, totally casual. Two friends... Having coffee. Casey : That's so funny, I was just thinking I need some coffee. Evan : I know you well. Casey : You do. Evan : Well.

The ZBZ girls compete head to head with one another as they each coach a different fraternity in a series of crazy contests. Casey ends up coaching the Lambda Sigs and develops a crush on one of the brothers of that fraternity. While Rebecca coaches the Kappa Tau's and puts her relationship with Cappie to the test. Who will come out on top?

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Scene: The apartment Leonard: Look, I know you guys don't want to do this, but we have no choice. So, you can either bitch and whine or we can just get it over with. Howard: I got whine. Sheldon: I got the B word. Leonard: Yeah, well, it's in our contract to serve on a university committee. And frankly, this is one I believe in. Okay, here we go. Encouraging more women to pursue a career in the sciences. Howard: Come on, if I was any good at convincing women to do stuff, I wouldn't have spent so much of my twenties in the shower. Sheldon: If you ask me, this whole thing is a waste of our time. Leonard: Helping women? Y Sheldon: Helping anyone. People should take care of themselves. Leonard: Oh, like yesterday, when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office? Sheldon: I'm not saying people can't use tools. Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam. Leonard: You don't think it's worthwhile to try to get more women working in science. Sheldon: I think that's incredibly sexist of you. I believe in a gender-blind society like in Star Trek, where women and men of all races and creeds work side by side as equals. Leonard: You mean where they were advanced enough to invent an interstellar warp drive, but a black lady still answered the space phone? Howard: Oh, I did spend a lot of my shower time with Lieutenant Uhura. Sheldon: Howard's disturbing recollections aside, I don't appreciate being forced to do banal committee work. Leonard: Yes, I know, you're too smart for this. Sheldon: Exactly. It's like asking the Human Torch to heat up your frozen burrito. Leonard: Got it. All right, I'm thinking one way to counter bias in the peer-review process, is for papers to be submitted under gender-neutral names. Like S. Smith instead of Samantha Smith. Sheldon: I suppose there is a history of professional women using their initials so as not to be pre-judged. Harry Potter's J.K. Rowling, uh, Star Trek's D.C. Fontana. Howard: Van Nuys pole-dancer D.D. Melons. All right, I think we've really helped women today. Let's fire up the old Xbox. Leonard: Guys, please don't make this a school project where I'm the smart kid doing all the work while the slackers sit back and watch. Sheldon: We're not. This time you're the smart kid doing all the work while the even smarter kids sit back and watch. Howard: So, you think I'm one of the smarter kids? Sheldon: No, you're a tool I was using to make my point. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Guys, our topic is encouraging women in science, can you at least play a less sexist game Sheldon: How is it sexist? My character wields a battle axe as well as any man. Howard: Not to mention she has mammary glands that could nurse a family of 30. And have enough milk left over to open a Baskin Robbins. Sheldon: Mother, warrior-princess, franchise owner, I hear glass ceilings shattering all over town. Leonard: Sheldon, you're always saying how much smarter you are than me. Spend five seconds and come up with one idea on how to get more women into science. Sheldon: All your ideas address the issue at a university level. By then it's too late. You need to design an outreach program that targets girls at the middle school level and sets them on an academic track towards the hard sciences. Leonard: That's actually good. Why didn't I think of that? Sheldon: Some people are otters, some people are rocks. Leonard: I wonder if there's a way we could give the idea a trial run. Howard: Maybe I could call my old middle school, see if we can talk to some of the female students. Leonard: That's great, try to set up something for the three of us to go over there. Sheldon: Oh, hold on. While I'm comfortable speaking about science, I'm not sure I know how to spark the interest of schoolchildren. Better Google it. Howard: What exactly are you looking up? Sheldon: How do I get 12-year-old girls excited. Leonard and Howard (together): No! Scene: Penny's apartment. Raj: Thanks again for letting me crash girls' night. Penny: Are you kidding? You brought fancy wine and made fondue. I've slept with guys for less. It's a joke. Based on real events. Raj: Anyway, I was hoping I could, uh, pick your brains a little. I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday and I need a killer first date. Amy: Well, evolutionary biology says that women are attracted to a man who is steady n the face of danger, so I recommend an unsafe environment. Seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks, picnic near a lunatic asylum, a wine tasting on Skid Row. Raj: Uh, Lucy has some, uh, social anxiety issues. Maybe we could start with something simpler. Bernadette: Why don't you take her to Disneyland? You go on Space Mountain, you're in the dark, she's holding onto you. Penny: Yeah, but you just have to remember, that ride is shorter than you think and they take a picture of you at the end, so make sure you got your clothes back on. It's a joke. Based on real events. Raj: Mm, Disneyland? I don't know. With all the crowds and the weird characters walking around, just reminds me too much of India. Amy: I haven't been to Disneyland since I was a kid. We should definitely go one weekend. Bernadette: Weekends are too crowded. Penny: So, blow off work, go on a weekday. Amy: Hooky? I've never played hooky in my life. My mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music. Penny: It's more like how girls end up at a Best Western hotel with a 34-year-old guy named Luther. Bernadette: Joke? Penny: I can laugh about it now. Bernadette: So, what do you say? This Friday we ditch work and go to Disneyland? Penny: I'm in. Amy: Me, too. Raj: Excuse me, I thought we were trying to solve my problem? Penny: Oh, yeah, right. Wait, what was your problem again? Raj: I am a man who can't talk to women, trying to figure out how to go on a romantic date with a girl who suffers from such crippling social anxiety she can't be around other people. Penny: Yeah, that's a toughie. Bernadette: Let's think. Amy: Hmm. We doing just Disney or California Adventure, too? Scene: A school hallway. Leonard: It's nice of your old school to let us try out our science talk on some female students. Howard: Well, they're actually pretty excited. I'm their most famous alum. If you don't count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes. Sheldon: This must feel pretty good for you, coming back to your alma mater as an astronaut. Howard: Yeah, last time I was here, I was just a scrawny little nerd. Leonard: And now you're also an astronaut. Howard: So many memories. I mean, how many times in these hallways was I tripped, punched and spit on? Oh, look, here's my old locker. I have a masters in engineering and I still can't figure out how Scott Kapinski got me and my briefcase to fit in there. (Kid bumps into him) Hey. Kid: What? Howard: Nothing. Sheldon: Smart. We don't want any problems. Scene: Bernadette's car. Amy: I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland. Bernadette: What did you tell your boss? Amy: Oh, I was very clever, I did it in stages. At seven o'clock last night, I called about a problem at the lab and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood. At nine thirty, I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird. At eleven thirty, I called and said I was throwing up like a fire hose. At twelve forty-five, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds, and now I'm going to Disneyland. Bernadette: Penny, what did you say? Penny: I work at the Cheesecake Factory, I said bye. Amy: So, what are we gonna do first? Bernadette: I don't know about you guys, but I'm gonna make a beeline for the place that gives you a princess makeover. Amy: Ooh, that sounds like fun. Penny: You're kidding, right? We're not just gonna get drunk and go on rides? Amy: Come on, do it with us. Penny: All right, whatever. How does it work? Bernadette: Okay, so, you pick your princess, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, they give you hair, makeup, the works. Penny: Guess it would be fun to be Cinderella. Amy: Oh, I want to be Cinderella, too. Penny: Yeah. Bernadette: We can't all be Cinderella. Amy: Then how do we decide? Bernadette: Well, it's simple. This was my idea. I'm driving. I'm Cinderella. You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: A library. Raj: Excuse me, I'm meeting a girl here. It's kind of our first date. Man: In a library? Raj: She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea. Man: People say I'm a little awkward, too. May I join you? Raj: No, you can't join us. Just go, go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from. Man (to Lucy): You can do better. Lucy: Oh, we're eating here? (Reading) We're having a texting date? (By text) I love that. Raj (by text): As you're reading, it will help to remember I have an adorable accent. Scene: A classroom. Leonard: Okay, who's ready for some science? Me, too. Okay, I am Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I am here with my friends Dr. Cooper and real-life astronaut Howard Wolowitz, and we are going to show you girls how cool a job in science can be. How cool, you ask? Well, how about negative 273 degrees, 'cause that's the temperature at which entropy reaches its minimum value. Did I just learn something new and have fun doing it? What? All right. So now let's bring out theoretical physicist Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon: Hello, female children. Allow me to inspire you with a story about a great female scientist. Polish-born, French-educated Madame Curie. Co-discoverer of radioactivity, she was a hero of science, until her hair fell out, her vomit and stool became filled with blood, and she was poisoned to death by her own discovery. With a little hard work, I see no reason why that can't happen to any of you. Are we done? Can we go? Later. Howard: The thing to remember is you can go to outer space, too. I mean, look at me. I went to this very school. Those desks you're sitting in, I was once superglued to one of them. Girl: Did you go to the moon? Howard: No, but I did go to the International Space Station. Girl: Did you fly the rocket? Howard: No, but I was in the rocket. I didn't actually... Girl: So you just flew around? That's kind of like my uncle. He's a flight attendant. Howard: No, I'm an American hero. Your uncle brings people nuts, okay? Leonard: Alright, alright. Boy, we are learning a lot here, huh? Thank you, astronaut Howard. Um, I am what's called an experimental physicist, which is super-fun, because I get to test theories and work with lasers. Yes? Girl 2: How did you decide to become a scientist? Leonard: Uh, excellent question. Um, I suppose I've always been into science, you know. My mother and father are scientists, so I was kind of led in that direction. Uh, pushed might be a better way to describe it. To be honest with you guys, when I was your age, I wanted to be a rap star. Like Snoop Dogg, but with a healthy respect for the police. Yeah, no, sure, you laugh. Just like my mother did. After I confided, I was derided and chided, my moms and I collided. She said my dreams were misguided. That's just a little freestyle. Scene: The library. Raj (by text): My dad's a gynaecologist in India, so if you're over there and need a check up, as he likes to say, he's at your cervix. Lucy(by text): That's terrible. Your dad should be sent to the pun-itentiary. Raj (by text): That's a fitting pun-ishment. I still don't know what you do for a living. Lucy (by text): Web design. Raj (by text): Anything I might have seen? Lucy (by text): I don't know. You ever look at p0rn Web sites? Raj (by text): No, never. What is p0rn? Lucy (by text): Sorry. Autocorrect. That was supposed to say prom Web sites. Raj (by text): Ooh, fun. I love prom. The romance, the gowns, it's like a fairy tale come to life. Sorry. Autocorrect. That was supposed to say, I like sports. Scene: The classroom. Leonard: I never wanted to play the cello. How do you meet girls playing the cello? Hey, you want to come over to my house and listen to me play an instrument that sounds like a suicidal bumblebee? Howard: Quick, pull the fire alarm. Let's get out of here. Sheldon: Uh, hello again. Um, yeah, I don't know if women in general have been actively discouraged from pursuing the sciences, but it's clear you young women here, today, have been. While I was listening to my colleagues waste your time, it occurred to me that it might be much more meaningful to hear about women in science from actual women in science, and, uh, I happen to know two brilliant examples who have agreed to speak to you on the phone right now. Uh, Dr. Rostenkowski, Dr. Fowler, are you there? Amy (voice): We're here. Sheldon: Thank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule to enlighten these young women. Amy: It's our pleasure. I'm Dr. Fowler, and I'm a neuroscientist. Bernadette: And I'm Dr. Rostenkowski Wolowitz, and I'm a microbiologist. Amy: The world of science needs more women, but from a young age, we girls are encouraged to care more about the way we look than about the power of our minds. Bernadette: That's true. Every one of you has the capacity to be anything you want to be. Penny: Unless you want to be Cinderella. Bernadette: Come at me. See what happens. Scene: The library. Raj (by text): This was really fun. Lucy : My battery's dying, so I'm just gonna talk. Thanks for today. I've been trying to do more things that scare me, and coming here was definitely one of them. But it was also really nice. So thanks, and, um, I'm gonna go. Maybe I could do one more scary thing before I go and give you a kiss good-bye? You know, if that's okay. Okay. Panic attack. Maybe next time. Raj: I'm counting that as foreplay. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Howard: Bernie, I'm home. You have fun today? Bernadette: Yes, and I have a surprise for you. Howard: Please be Cinderella. Please be Cinderella. Bernadette: Well, hello, Prince Charming. Howard: Milady. Scene: Penny's apartment. Leonard: Hey, how was your... what? Penny: I can explain. I played hooky with the girls, then we all went to Disneyland and got... What are you doing? Leonard (undressing): Disneyland. Go on, I'm listening. Scene: The apartment. Amy: Sheldon, all Snow White needs is one little kiss to wake up. Sheldon: Heard you the first time.

As part of their Caltech contracts, Leonard, Sheldon and Howard must serve on a committee that promotes science among young women. Neither Sheldon nor Howard are interested, but on Leonard's cajoling, Sheldon suggests focusing on middle school girls and inspiring them to pursue science after completing school. They implement their ideas at Howard's old middle school but cannot enthuse the girls for science, so Sheldon calls Amy and Bernadette, both scientists, to talk to the class by phone about careers in science. The women have meanwhile skipped work to go to Disneyland and be made up as Disney princesses. All want to be Cinderella, but Bernadette insists she be Cinderella since she planned the trip and drove them there, so Penny is Aurora from Sleeping Beauty and Amy is Snow White. Back home, Bernadette's and Penny's costumes turn on their partners. Amy, still in her Snow White costume, wants Sheldon to awaken her with a kiss, but he is tired and uninterested. Elsewhere, Raj and Lucy have a "texting date" in the library: they interact by texting to circumvent their social problems. At the end of their date Lucy wants to kiss Raj, but gets shy before doing so. Raj is impressed, counting it as foreplay.

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[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] DRAGONFLY INN [Sookie is getting coffee for Lorelai] LORELAI: Is there something long and sharp sticking out of my head? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: I want there to be. There's an effect. I need a cause. SOOKIE: The cause was 10 giant shots of Tequila, sweetie. LORELAI: It makes me woozy just hearing that. SOOKIE: That's the price you pay for being the hit of Lane's wedding. LORELAI: Hit? I was a raving lunatic. And that toast...[A pan bangs on the counter] Oh, my god! Loudest sound ever. FRED: Sorry. SOOKIE: Don't worry about the toast. And you weren't a lunatic. You were a character. What is Stars Hollow if not a haven for colorful characters? I mean you're not up there with Stevie the pantsless Santa Claus or Jojo the cow whisperer, but you made some strides. LORELAI: Is this supposed to be a consolation? [More pan bangs] That's twice in 20 seconds, Fred. FRED: Sorry. SOOKIE: I've seen you wasted before but never like this. I mean we had you guzzling coffee, but coffee was making you energetically wasted. LORELAI: I should borrow the reception video to see what a fool I made out of myself. SOOKIE: And check out your audition. LORELAI: My what? [Bangs the pans again] You want a piece of me, omelet boy? SOOKIE: Fred why don't you let the vegetables simmer for a while? I'll look after them. FRED: Sure, Sookie. LORELAI: Sorry, Fred. I'm not myself this morning. [Small Laugh] So, now, what did I do in front of the camera? SOOKIE: Well when you spotted the videographer, you got suddenly very excited to film your audition tape for "America's Next Top Model." LORELAI: Oh, my god! SOOKIE: Yeah. LORELAI: I thought that was a dream. SOOKIE: It wasn't. LORELAI: The posing, the strutting, the inappropriate gyrating? SOOKIE: All caught on video and several of Zach's buddies' camera phones. LORELAI: Why didn't you stop me? SOOKIE: I tried, we all tried, but you were on a mission. You kept saying, "I'm not here to make friends. I want to win." And then after that... LORELAI: There's an "after that"? SOOKIE: You tried to start a limbo contest, a poker game, and a secret club for "supercool party people" only. None of those really you know took off, especially the limbo, considering your choice of limbo stick was Zach's ... LORELAI AND SOOKIE: [Together] Great-uncle's cane. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, is he okay? SOOKIE: He stumbled, but we caught him. He's fine. LORELAI: So, is that all? Anything else I need to know about? SOOKIE: Nope, after you crowned yourself Arm-Wrestling Champion of the world, Christopher and Rory scooped you up and got you home. He got you in bed okay? LORELAI: Christopher? Yeah. Well he and Rory. SOOKIE: He's very "knight in shining armor," very chivalrous. LORELAI: That's him...So um, is there anything else I did that I need to know about? I want to be fully informed. SOOKIE: I told you everything. LORELAI: Good! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and be nauseous out front for a while. SOOKIE: Excellent. [Chant] Supercool party people bid you supercool adieu! [Lorelai looks at Sookie] That's how you were saying goodbye to people. LORELAI: Super. OPENING CREDITS [Hospital] RORY: Excuse me, I'm looking for Logan Huntzberger, he's... [Nurse point Rory to someone else] Excuse me, can you help me find Logan... NURSE 1: Sorry, this isn't my floor. RORY: Excuse me, can someone here help me find Logan Huntzberger? NURSE 2: He was just transferred out of the I.C.U., Room 713. RORY: How is he? NURSE 2: Are you family? RORY: I'm his girlfriend. NURSE 2: All I can tell you is that he's not conscious right now and that he's in serious but stable condition. RORY: What does that mean, "serious but stable"? NURSE 2: Just what it says. RORY: But is it more serious or stable? Which way is it leaning? NURSE 2: I'm sorry I can only release more information to family members. RORY: But I'm his girlfriend. We've been together a long time. It's not a casual thing. We live together. NURSE 2: Sorry. WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Morris, dial 182, please. Dr. Morris, please dial... RORY: How is he? Is he okay? FINN: Scuttlebutt is he's not dead. COLIN: The man is indestructible. FINN: Dives headfirst off the cliffs of caldera, instantly spins out of control. COLIN: Gets totally disoriented, barely gets his chute open. FINN: Bounces off every rock and crag in the park. COLIN: Yet still manages to stick the landing. FINN: We gave him a 9.7. COLIN: Had to deduct .3 for all the screaming and bleeding. RORY: What about his family, did you talk to them? COLIN: Honor is on her honeymoon in Mykonos, trying to get back, and Logan's mom checked herself into some sort of spa in Arizona the moment she heard. FINN: When the going gets tough, the tough get hot-rock massages. RORY: What about Mitchum? FINN: The "Dark Lord" we left word but haven't heard anything. COLIN: But we've come up with a plan to get around the whole "family only gets information" thing. We're adopting him. RORY: What? FINN: [Joking] Logan will make a fine son. COLIN: Of course, first we must be married. FINN: Naturally, darling. I'm very old-fashioned. COLIN: And even then, adopting as a gay couple is never easy. FINN: We just want to give love. COLIN: Oh, Finn. FINN: Oh, buttercup. RORY: What the hell is wrong with you two? Your best friend is lying unconscious in a hospital, and you don't even care. FINN: [Taken back] Rory... RORY: Why the hell aren't you two lying unconscious in there, huh? COLIN: [Quite] Come on... RORY: You don't care, because if you did, you wouldn't be like this. You couldn't. You're supposed have his back you're supposed to watch out for each other on these stupid trips of yours. But no, everything's a big joke. Everything's hilarious. You're useless. Just go home. Both of you, go home. I can't stand to look at you. [Cut the Logan's room, he is clearly injured. A doctor comes in.] RORY: Hi. DR SCHULTZ: Hello. RORY: I'm Rory Gilmore. I'm his girlfriend. DR SCHULTZ: I'm Dr. Schultz. RORY: Um, how is he? Is he gonna be okay? DR SCHULTZ: I'm sorry, but I really can't get into the specifics. RORY: But, well, he's out of the I.C.U., So that's good, right? They wouldn't have moved him up here unless he was recovering. DR SCHULTZ: Sorry, really. RORY: But he's had surgery, right? Does he need more surgery? Does he have broken bones, because I can donate blood if you want. DR SCHULTZ: Miss. RORY: You really, you can't tell me anything about what he has or what you've done or what's wrong, anything? DR SCHULTZ: I'm sorry. It's hospital policy. We're doing everything we can. RORY: Okay. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE TROUBADOUR: [Singing] A million hearts, a million minds have lived and died in 40 years prayed for yourself and for your memories be thankful we've had 40 years [Harmonica plays] We've had 40 years we've had 40 years we've had 40 years [Cut to inside the diner] CAESAR: [Too a customer] I will get that for you in two shakes of a lamb's tale. LUKE: Caesar, why am I still finding bananas in the fridge? CAESAR: Oh you wanted me to take all the bananas out of the fridge? LUKE: When I said, "remove the bananas," I was referring to all the bananas. Otherwise, I would have said "a banana" or "some of the bananas." CAESAR: Hmm. LUKE: What? CAESAR: It's just that while I was running the place, that was one of my innovations, cold bananas. People really love them. LUKE: I highly doubt that. [pointing] And get rid of those scones. CAESAR: You know that's something else I wanted to talk to you about, Luke. LUKE: What? CAESAR: See your attitude. While I was running the place, people really responded to my sunny demeanor. Customers find you cold and distant. Service with a smile, it's a clich for a reason. LUKE: Yeah, look, Caesar, I don't want to improve things, and I don't want to stop being cold to customers. I want you to keep my damn bananas out of the damn fridge, and I want to keep my damn doughnuts in the damn doughnut case. Can you do that for me! CAESAR: Of course, Luke. LUKE: Thank you. CAESAR: Customers don't care for gratuitous profanity, either. LUKE: Ahh. Thank god, someone sane. [the huge and kiss] LORELAI: Hello, weary traveler. LUKE: It's good to be back. LORELAI: You look older, wiser. LUKE: Well, I did spend a lot of time squinting at historical documents. LORELAI: That's what it is, constitution face. [Seeing Miss Patty] I Patty. LUKE: I brought you something. LORELAI: Oh, did you steal me the constitution? 'Cause that could be the start of a really dumb movie. LUKE: It's from Amish country. These little Amish girls handmake them. LORELAI: Oh, it's adorable. Look, Patty, an Amish voodoo doll. MISS PATTY: I love it. Hey, Luke, I'm still waiting on my cold banana. LUKE: We don't serve cold bananas. [To Lorelai] It's not a voodoo doll. It's just a doll the Amish don't put faces on their dolls or pins in them. LORELAI: Oh, well, it's my doll now. What the Amish don't know won't hurt them. Unless, of course, I want to hurt them. LUKE: It's yours to do with what you will. LORELAI: You seem surprisingly rested after all you've been through. LUKE: Yeah the kids were okay. They seemed to like me, unless they were all lying. LORELAI: Kids never lie. LUKE: And April and I finally got into a good rhythm. She was tolerating me pretty good at the end. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: And guess what it's her birthday tomorrow, and I'm throwing her a party. LORELAI: You're kidding. How did that happen? LUKE: Well I was dropping her off this morning, and her mom mentioned to me that she was taking her to her grandmother's to celebrate, and she couldn't swing a party here with her friends, so I figured I know her friends now. I got a great place to hold a party. LORELAI: Yeah, where? LUKE: Here. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: So, anyhow, there you go. LORELAI: Look at you, diving into fatherhood. LUKE: I'm doing my best. LORELAI: So, tomorrow, huh? You prepared for all that? LUKE: Sure. Why? LORELAI: Well if you need a consultant, I have thrown some rockin' preteen parties in my time. Of course, I didn't have a deep fryer but... LUKE: I think I can handle it. I'll put up some decorations. I've ordered some balloons. I got a great cake place. There'll be presents. LORELAI: All good. I'm just saying that Rory's birthday scavenger hunt of 1998 is still talked about in hushed, reverent tones. LUKE: Is that the one where all the kids ended up at Taylor's at 11:00 at night stealing stuff out of his fridge? LORELAI: Shh! Hushed, reverent tones. LUKE: I've got it all under control. Excuse me. What can I get you, Kirk? KIRK: How about a steaming cup of chicory coffee? LUKE: It's not on the menu, Kirk. KIRK: I know. It's on the sign. LUKE: [Takes the sign down] That's a mistake. KIRK: Well, now all I can think about is chicory coffee. I'm very susceptible to signage. LUKE: Well, come back when you're susceptible to ordering off the menu.[Too Lorelai] You want anything? LORELAI: How about a nice plate of chicken fingers? LUKE: Oh. [Takes down the sign] Why don't I start you off with some coffee, hmm? LORELAI: Uh, no, thanks. I'm kind of coffee'd out. LUKE: Oh, right. Battling the hangover. LORELAI: [A little surprised] Oh. Did I mention my hangover? LUKE: No, patty filled me in, you know. The tequila shots, you taking the mike. LORELAI: Taking the mike. Uh, yeah. I, um, I really didn't know what I was saying, just empty, meaningless words you know tumbling out of my mouth. LUKE: I hear you really belted it out. LORELAI: Belted it out? LUKE: "Endless love." MISS PATTY: The song, honey. Ohh...yeah. [Laughing] Oh, yes. I really belted it out. Is there any other way to sing "endless love"? You know if you're not gonna really belt it out, you might as well stay in your seat. MISS PATTY: She sang it beautifully. LUKE: Yeah everybody does embarrassing stuff at weddings. LORELAI: Yeah, right, true. LUKE: Be right back. MISS PATTY: Okay, I've already gotten to the whole town, and they're all telling the "endless love" story. He'll never know. LORELAI: Oh, thanks. I owe you, patty. MISS PATTY: Oh honey, please. I've given more drunken toasts than Colin Farrell. You owe me nothing. LORELAI: Thanks, patty. [Playing with the engagement ring] MISS PATTY: That Luke... It may take a mule team, but you're getting him to the altar someday. LORELAI: Yeah, someday. [Sighs] HOSPITAL [Rory gets her phone out to make a call] WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Valentino to the O.R., Please. [Cut to Paris's apartment] PARIS: What? RORY: Paris? PARIS: Larry summers is right, Rory. Our university system is crumbling. Did you know that. RORY: Paris. I just found out my microbiology final is an open-book exam. Can you believe that? I mean why not just have our professors take it for us? Or better yet, they can just hand us our diplomas the moment we step on campus freshman year, along with some government cheese, a bong, and a t-shirt that says "hard work is for suckers." RORY: Paris, I'm at the hospital with Logan. PARIS: Why what happened? RORY: He and his buddies went on some life and death brigade trip, and they parachuted off a cliff in Costa Rica, and he had a really bad fall. PARIS: Is he okay? RORY: I don't know. He's out of the I.C.U., So I guess that's a good thing. They said he's in serious but stable condition, but they won't tell me anything else because I'm not family. PARIS: Is he breathing on his own? RORY: Yeah, I mean, I think so. PARIS: Well what's his pallor? Is he peaked? Was there internal bleeding? RORY: I have no idea. I quickly scribbled down some things off his chart. Um, you're pre-med can I read it to you, maybe you can make some sense of it. PARIS: Forget it I don't know how to read charts yet. I can tell you everything you wanna know about the difference between recessive and dominant eye-color genes in fruit flies, but god forbid I learn how to read a chart before I'm a fourth-year surgical resident. RORY: Great. PARIS: What hospital is he in? RORY: Columbia-Presbyterian, Manhattan. PARIS: Who's the attending? RORY: Paris it doesn't matter they're not gonna release information to non-family. PARIS: Just give me the name. RORY: Dr. Schultz. PARIS: I'll call you right back. RORY: Paris. [Paris hangs up, Rory watches as a nurse takes a phone call, we can just make out the conversation] NURSE: Miss please! [getting mad] That language is certainly not necessary! Hold on. {handing the phone over] Dr. Schultz It's about Logan Huntzberger. DR SCHULTZ: This is Dr. Schuzltz. No, that's not possible. Well, you wouldn't do that. Listen, miss... fine. Paging dr. Bender. Paging dr. Bender, please. [After a few seconds he hangs up and looks beat.] RORY: [Rory's cell phone rings] Hello? PARIS: Here the deal, he was bleeding internally when they brought him in, and they were worried about the oxygen levels in his blood, but he's stabilized now, and they're back up to normal, so that's no longer a concern. He was also running a high fever, so they put him on mondo doses of intravenous antibiotics. He has a partially collapsed lung... RORY: oh, my god! PARIS: ...Six broken ribs, a broken ankle, torn cartilage in both knees, and a severe concussion. He had surgery for the lung, and that went well. They did a Thoracoscopy, which is a couple of small incisions in the chest. [Rory looks worried] Then they put a tube into the lung to drain the fluid from the pleural space so the lung can re-expand. That's way less invasive than a Thoracotomy. Which is a similar operation but for that one, they have to butterfly you like a shrimp. And that's it. RORY: So, what does this mean? PARIS: It means he's out of immediate danger. He's young and healthy and they expect him to make a full recovery. RORY: Really? Like a full recovery, like he's going to recover fully? PARIS: That's what the doctor told me. He's need some rehab he won't be running, dancing, or jumping off a cliff anytime soon, but, yeah, he should be fine. He's a very lucky guy. Those guys are idiots. RORY: Wow PARIS: Yeah RORY: Thank you so much for this. Really, Paris, thank you. PARIS: It was fun. Anything else? RORY: No, I feel a lot better. PARIS: Call me if you need anything else. RORY: I will. STREET - UNKNOWN LOCATION [Luke and Lorelai are walking on the side walk] LORELAI: So, you all shopped out? LUKE: I got a couple more stores in me. LORELAI: You know you would make the best Sherpa and the hottest. You could move to Nepal, open your own hot-Sherpa shop, and make a fortune. LUKE: Well this is fun for me. Besides I'd like to think I have some influence on what you buy. LORELAI: You do? LUKE: I don't? LORELAI: Uh, no. LUKE: Yes, I do. LORELAI: No, you don't. LUKE: I do. LORELAI: You don't. LUKE: But you're always asking my opinion. LORELAI: Yeah, but it's the way I ask. "Isn't this adorable?" Or "this isn't right, right?" You know I put your answer right there in the question. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: I will say, I do always like to buy one thing that you like that I don't 'cause I know it makes you happy, like that blouse. LUKE: You don't like that, I thought you liked that. LORELAI: Not really, but I liked how much you liked it, so I bought it. LUKE: Huh. LORELAI: And I will wear it because I know that every time I do, you'll notice and appreciate it, and that will make me feel so good. And then because I feel so good, I'll start wearing it more and more, and I'll eventually really grow to like it, and I'll forget that I didn't like it in the first place. And holy crap, you've picked out all my favorite clothes. LUKE: I knew it. [pointing to a window display] Hey what do you think of that? LORELAI: What? LUKE: The toiletry kit. LORELAI: What? And throw away the 5-year-old Dixie cup you use to hold your toothbrush? It's historical. LUKE: I mean as a birthday present for April. LORELAI: April who? LUKE: Come on, it's cute. LORELAI: Um, yeah. I don't think it's quite right. LUKE: It's girly. It's got cats on it. LORELAI: Oh, well, if it's got cats on it... LUKE: April likes cats. LORELAI: [small laugh] Yeah, but it's a toiletry kit. It's so hygienic. LUKE: I saw her use soap on the trip. LORELAI: Yeah did you see her tie her shoelaces? 'Cause you could get her shoelaces. LUKE: I think she'll like it. LORELAI: Luke, it's weird. It says, "happy birthday, now go clean yourself up." LUKE: If she doesn't like it, I'll get her a follow-up gift. LORELAI: Why not just get her the perfect gift right up front? LUKE: Why couldn't that be the perfect gift? You don't know. LORELAI: I know girls. It's not the right gift. Hey, you know there's a store, a few blocks down that has great stuff. I could take you there and show you 50 things I know she'd like. Some of them may even have cats on them. LUKE: I think I'm gonna get that. LORELAI: Come on Luke I can really help you here. LUKE: I'm not saying you can't, I know you're an expert, but I need to do this. LORELAI: Then do it. I'm just saying, let me be part of it. LUKE: No. LORELAI: Why? LUKE: Because it's too soon. LORELAI: Why is it too soon? LUKE: Because the minute you get involved in her life, it'll be all over for me. LORELAI: What that's ridiculous. LUKE: No, it's not ridiculous. You're colorful and funny. You're practically a cartoon character. Kids love you. I wouldn't hang out with me either after meeting you. LORELAI: Luke! LUKE: She'll like you better. That is just a fact. LORELAI: No, you're her dad. LUKE: Yes, I am her dad, and this is the way I want it to be. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: I'll be a couple of minutes. LORELAI: [Looking a little mad] I'll be right here. LUKE'S DINER [April's birthday party, the diner is full of girls April's age.] ANNA: So you have my cell phone if there's any problems? LUKE: I've got your cell number, your store number, your store fax number, your home numbers. You are 100% reachable. ANNA: Good. LUKE: And, hey, thanks again for letting me do this. ANNA: Oh, please. She's excited about this. Plus, your chaperoning got rave reviews. LUKE: Really? ANNA: April said you were the least-embarrassing parent on the trip. LUKE: Good, that's good, right? ANNA: It's a rave. Her friends call you Hagrid. LUKE: Really? Hagrid. Wow. [Clears his throat] I don't know what that means. ANNA: He's a character from "Harry Potter", very big, very hairy, very lovable. It's a huge compliment. LUKE: Oh I will take your word for it. ANNA: So, I'm gonna go now. Have fun, and I'll talk to you later tonight. LUKE: Will do. ANNA: I'm going, April. APRIL: [Busy with her friends] Yeah, yeah, bye, mom. ANNA: That was from the heart. LUKE: Totally. [They both laugh] ANNA: Bye again. And the diner looks really great. I was here when you opened it, remember? LUKE: I remember. ANNA: Bye. [Closes the door for Anna] LUKE: Okay, can I get everyone's attention for a moment here? Just go ahead and pull your chairs around so everyone can see me. GIRL 1: Is this a game? LUKE: No, no games right now. Just gather. All right, I'm Luke. Some of you know me. I'm April's dad. [Cheers and applause form the girls.] So, um, before we get the party started, I just wanted to lay down some ground rules, some simple dos and don'ts. so that everybody has a good time and goes home in one piece. Okay. [Clears throat ] So, this is the party area. You are to remain in the party area at all times. The kitchen is strictly off limits. Under no circumstances are you to enter the kitchen. It's incredibly dangerous back there. [The girls look a little worried] One turn of the wrong dial, you could burn your face off. And I've got so many knives back there, you so much as trip, you could lose an arm. You could chop off a bunch off fingers. You could poke out an eye. And do not go upstairs. That is not part of the party area. Everyone must remain in the party area at all times. And finally, do not go outside. I will not give anybody permission to go outside, okay? Are we clear? GIRLS: All right. Yes, sir. LUKE: Then that's all I've got. So have fun. APRIL: Uh-huh. GIRLS: [Asking April] Is he serious? DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION AREA LORELAI: Is that our website? MICHEL: It is. LORELAI: What happened to it? MICHEL: I made some modifications. LORELAI: It's just a big picture of you. MICHEL: Well I figured since I'm the one who put the website together and I'm the one continuously updating the website, then I should be featured prominently on the website. LORELAI: Featured? Sure. But where's the inn? All I see is your face. MICHEL: Aha! But if you want to hear about the inn, you click on my mouth. And if you want pictures of the inn, you click on my eyes. And if you want to post something about the inn, you click on my ears. Clever, no? LORELAI: You want to argue about this now or later? MICHEL: Later. I'm having too much fun. LORELAI: [cell phone rings] Hello. RORY: It's me. LORELAI: Hey, how is he? RORY: Well, I'm told he's going to be fine, but he looks awful, and he's been unconscious the whole time I've been here. It's really scary. LORELAI: What happened? RORY: He basically jumped off a cliff, and his parachute barely opened. LORELAI: Oh my God! RORY: Yeah, he has six broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a broken ankle, contusions over 1/3 of his body, and a concussion. LORELAI: Wow, who else is there? What other family? RORY: Well Colin and Finn were here, but none of his family's here. LORELAI: How did you get all that information? I thought they only allowed family members to... RORY: Paris. LORELAI: God love her. RORY: I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I got you messages I've just been so overwhelmed. LORELAI: I'm just glad to hear from you. Is there anything I can do, anything you need? It's been a while since I've sent out a care package. You could be up to your eyeballs in mad libs, silly string, malted milk balls. RORY: No, I'm good. Colin and Finn went back to new haven to get some stuff for me. And I think I'm just gonna hang out here for a while. NURSE: Logan is awake if you want to see him. RORY: Oh mom, Logan's awake. LORELAI: Okay call me if there's anything you need. RORY: Thanks bye. LORELAI: Bye. HOSPITAL [Rory walks into Logan's room] WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Morris, dial 102, please. RORY: Hey. LOGAN: Hey. RORY: You're awake. LOGAN: Or hallucinating, pretty good hallucination. RORY: Oh, you're awake. LOGAN: I must look like crap. RORY: Now I know why you never let me see you without makeup. LOGAN: I guess maybe base jumping with very little preparation wasn't the hottest idea. RORY: You're gonna be fine, you're gonna make a full recovery. LOGAN: Hey Robocop made a full recovery. Look where that led him. RORY: This is the best hospital in the city, and the best hospital in New York city is basically the best hospital in the country, and that's basically the best hospital in the world, so all in all, you're in the best place you could be, all things considered. LOGAN: [Groans] RORY: Hey, what do you think you're doing? Lay down. LOGAN: [Sighs] I'm really sorry about this. RORY: It's okay. LOGAN: No, it's not okay. I was showing off. I knew it wasn't safe from that cliff. I was so drunk, I was lucky I pulled my chute at all. RORY: But you're going to be fine, and I will be here as long as you want me to be. I've located the gift shop and the good cafeteria, "good" being a relative term, and the maternity ward, in case I want to play a little practical joke, swap the newborns around. LOGAN: What about the paper, school? RORY: I have my laptop. I can stay on top of my schoolwork. And Bill can run the paper for a while. LOGAN: I don't want you to fall behind, miss too many classes. You already have more than enough to do without having to see me... RORY: Shh. Logan, just relax. Get some rest. I'll be here. LOGAN: I'm glad. LUKE'S DINER [It's very quite, the girls are playing in groups] LUKE: So, how we doing? We having fun? GIRL: [very quite] Yeah. APRIL: Marcia, you have to discard. MARCIA: I know, but you only need one card, and I don't want to give it to you. APRIL: What makes you think I only need one card? MARCIA: Oh please you pick up a card and discard like every half-second. It's so obvious. APRIL: Well, it's my birthday. Why don't you just give me the stupid card I want? LUKE: Hey, how do you think the temperature is? APRIL: It's fine, I guess. LUKE: Are you cold? Maybe it's too cold in here. How many people are cold, huh? Anyone too warm? Okay, well, good to know. LAURA: Luke. LUKE: Yeah. LAURA: can I go to the bathroom? LUKE: Of course. You don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. LAURA: But it's in the restricted area. I could lose a finger. LUKE: Oh well, the bathroom is not part of the restricted area. I didn't mean to include that. Does anyone else have to go to the bathroom? [They all raise there hands] Ah, well, all right. Well, let's line up, okay? You can use the bathroom one at a time. Laura, you first. LAURA: Thank you. LUKE: Uh, I'll be right out. I just have to check on something in the back. DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION AREA [Lorelai is working on the computer.] LORELAI: [Phone rings] Mmrr [She answers the phone] Dragonfly inn. LUKE: It's a disaster. LORELAI: What? LUKE: The party, it's a total disaster. LORELAI: [sounding excited almost pleased] A disaster, why? LUKE: Nothing is happening it's like a funeral hall in there. I didn't know 13-year-old girls could be so unhappy. LORELAI: Where are you? I don't hear anything. LUKE: I'm in the storage room. I come in here and hide a lot. LORELAI: And leaving them unsupervised? LUKE: Well, there's a peephole here I can see out of. LORELAI: You're peeping at the girls from the storage room? LUKE: I do not have time for any weird jokes. LORELAI: Okay what are they doing? LUKE: [Goes back to the peep hole] Well, April was playing cards. Some of the others were reading and playing video games. At the moment, they're all just waiting to go to the bathroom. LORELAI: You didn't plan any activities? LUKE: It's a birthday party. I thought that was the activity. LORELAI: Oh, Luke. LUKE: Is it normal for kids to fall asleep at a birthday party? LORELAI: Luke listen are you listening? LUKE: Yes. LORELAI: Go upstairs and get your clock radio. LUKE: Why, so we can watch the minutes of the world's worst birthday party tick off one by one? LORELAI: No, go get it, bring it downstairs and put on some music, KC101. I'll be right over. LUKE: [sounding a little panicked] You're coming here? LORELAI: Just stall for time, I have some things to finish up, and then I'll come over, if it's okay? LUKE: What! LORELAI: Is it okay that I come over? LUKE: Yes, Lorelai, come! Hurry! LORELAI: Okay, I'll hurry. LUKE: Hurry faster or they might start leaving. LORELAI: Okay, bye. LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Luke goes out to meet Lorelai.] LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: So, it got worse after we hung up. LORELAI: You get the radio? LUKE: No I forgot the radio part was broken, and the buzzer alarm went off at one point. There was a slight up tick in the mood but that didn't last long. I think it's too late. LORELAI: It's not too late. LUKE: I swear I heard the word "mutiny" bandied around in their. LORELAI: It's not too late. Let's get in there. LUKE: But where's the stuff? LORELAI: What stuff? LUKE: The party stuff. LORELAI: Oh, my god, I left the circus elephants in my car, and I didn't crack a window. LUKE: But seriously where's the party stuff? LORELAI: Come on follow my lead. [SCENE_BREAK] [cut to inside the diner] LORELAI: Hey, everybody. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. Thank you so much for your patience. I'm really glad you guys waited to start the party until I got here. LUKE: Oh, um, that's okay, Lorelai. We didn't mind, right, girls? LORELAI: Great. Okay, let's get this party started. Where's the birthday girl? APRIL: Here. LORELAI: April Nardini, front and center. You know, I met you briefly. You were filling salt and pepper shakers. APRIL: I remember you were dressed in all black, and you had really blue eyes. They aren't quite as blue today. But I think that's just the light thing. LORELAI: These irises are all natural, baby. All right, everybody, line up single file behind us. APRIL: We already went to the bathroom. LORELAI: Oh I know this is going to be so much better, now take the hand of the person in front of you and the person in back of you. Luke, you pull up the rear. I'll take the lead. LUKE: Sure, what is this? LORELAI: Just follow me, everybody. No matter what, do not let go of either hand. GIRL 1: We're not allowed to go outside. GIRL 2: Or in the kitchen. GIRL 3: Or anywhere else. LORELAI: What? LUKE: You are now, girls. We got new rules. APRIL: Should we bring our stuff? LORELAI: No, leave it. We'll be back. LUKE: Alright everybody try to walk at the same pace. You step on somebody's heels, you could break an ankle. And watch out for the traffic, not just cars, but bikes. People in this town ride their bikes like maniacs. LORELAI: Luke! LUKE: Sorry. [cut to outside as they make there way up the side walk.] LORELAI: Oh, check for traffic. Always check. And go! GIRL 1: Where are we going? GIRL 2: No idea! LORELAI: Serpentine, girls, serpentine. LUKE: Is this wise to serpentine? LORELAI: No! [They enter the beauty shop] GIRLS: [Giggling ] LESLIE: Hi, Lorelai. ALISON: Hi. LORELAI: Hi Hey, girls. LORELAI: Ah, alright, I'd like you to meet the birthday girl. ALISON: Hi, April. LESLIE: Happy birthday. APRIL: Hello. LESLIE: You are adorable. LORELAI: Alright girls I want you each to take a basket and fill it up. I want you to pick anything you want because today we're getting makeovers. GIRLS: [Screaming] LORELAI: These two ladies are here to help you in any way you need. That's Alison and Leslie. GIRLS: [Wave and say "Hi"] LORELAI: On your mark, get set, and shop! GIRLS: [Giggling as the girls start to fill there baskets.] LUKE: You're a genius. LORELAI: Well 13-year-old girls and makeup, it's like betting on secretariat. LUKE: Never in a million years would I have thought of something like this. LORELAI: That's why I'm the Yin to your Yang, the Emack to your Bolio. [Too the girls] Hey, who wants hot-pink highlights? GIRLS: Oh, me! HOSPITAL [Rory Is talking on he cell phone] RORY: I hate that you're cutting your honeymoon short. HONOR: It okay, with mom flaking out, I don't want to be here anymore. We've got seats on a flight tonight, but it's got a 5-hour layover, in Ankara so we're trying to find something more direct. Either way we should be there sometime tomorrow night. RORY: Okay. So, have you heard anything more from your dad? HONOR: Yeah, I just talked to him. RORY: Is he coming down here? HONOR: Nope. RORY: He's out of town, too? HONOR: No, he's home. He's just not coming. RORY: What? HONOR: It's the life and death brigade thing. He's very against it. RORY: But he was in the life and death brigade. HONOR: Yes, but he feels that he knew when to grow up and accept responsibility and that Logan doesn't. He wanted his precious boy done with that by now, so he's boycotting. RORY: He's boycotting his injured son? Logan had emergency surgery. HONOR: Hypocrisy runs very deep in the Huntzberger family. Anyhow, forget it. I'm sure Logan isn't expecting him. Okay so, I'll call later when I have more flight information. RORY: Okay, bye. WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Davis, telephone, please. Dr. Davis, telephone, please. [Rory gets out a 2nd cell phone, Logan's] RORY: Mitchum Huntzberger? Yes, it's Rory Gilmore. I just thought I'd call and remind you that Logan is lying in a hospital bed with a partially collapsed lung and a whole host of other potentially life-threatening injuries. And I'm figuring a guy like you, surrounded by nothing but a bunch of terrified sycophants might not have someone in his life with the guts to tell him what an incredibly selfish, narcissistic ass he's being, so I thought I'd jump on in. Swallow your pride, get in your car, and come down here and see your son, now! LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT TIME [The party is much better] LORELAI: That looks excellent. [Gasps] Marcia, fabulous. You look like Sophia Loren. MARCIA: I was going for Vanessa Minnillo on MTV. LORELAI: Ah, I love her music. MARCIA: She's a V.J. LORELAI: No well you didn't let me finish I love her music-video introductions. You know She's so smooth and classy. Luke, more chips here. LUKE: Coming. GIRL: Lorelai, check this out. LORELAI: Ooh, cool. Your eyes have eyes. GIRL: Freaky right. LORELAI: Yes you could fall asleep in class, and no one would know. APRIL: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, April, you look beautiful. APRIL: Leslie says I have excellent bone structure. LORELAI: Yes well, I agree with her. APRIL: So it's not weird when someone compliments your skull? LORELAI: A woman takes any compliment that comes her way. APRIL: Got it, hey did you do that glitter heart on your cheek? LORELAI: Happens to be my handiwork yeah you want one? APRIL: Yes. LORELAI: All right, sit, sit. Ah what color would you like, pink, blue, purple, florescent green? APRIL: Purple I'm obsessed with purple, probably because I'm obsessed with "Harold and the Purple Crayon." LORELAI: Hum. APRIL: I know I'm too old, but it's still one of my all-time-favorite books. LORELAI: That's okay I'm too old for us weekly. It never stopped me. APRIL: So, you have a daughter, right? LORELAI: Yes, Rory. APRIL: That's good. You'd be wasted on a son. LORELAI: I'm gonna take that as a compliment. APRIL: It is. You know you remind me of my mom. LORELAI: Is she handy with the glitter? APRIL: She painted a mural on my wall in nail polish one night. LORELAI: That's cool. APRIL: I think you'd like her. LORELAI: All right, you're all done. APRIL: Thanks. [Cut to a little later] APRIL: Oh my God that is so cool, I love it. Thanks, Marcia. MARCIA: Your welcome. LORELAI: She's loving her presents. LUKE: I know. APRIL: Okay, how about this one? GIRL 1: It's from your dad. GIRL 2: Yeah, open it. LUKE: [Sounding a little panicked] You know, you don't have to open up all your presents right away. You could maybe save a few and open them tomorrow, sort of extend the experience. GIRL 3: Bad idea, Hagrid. APRIL: I don't want to extend the experience. LUKE: Wait, is that my gift? LORELAI: It says it's from Luke. APRIL: The new "way things work." I was gonna get this. And a gift certificate to the discovery store. Thanks, Luke! I love it! [She gets up and hugs Luke] Thank you so much! LUKE: You're welcome. [Too Lorelai] Thank you. LORELAI: My pleasure. You know what would really push this party over the top? LUKE: What? LORELAI: If we made it into a sleepover. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Yeah you've got sleeping bags and blankets. LUKE: Plus, I still got Jess' bed. We could stick a couple of them on that. LORELAI: Why don't you ask the birthday girl if she wants to do that? LUKE: April, come here a sec. APRIL: What's up? LUKE: How would you feel about making this a slumber party? APRIL: Really? LUKE: Really. APRIL: [Turns to the girls] Do you guys want to sleep over? GIRLS: That would be really cool. LUKE: Great, ah first off, we got to call all your parents to see if it's okay with them. Okay, so with that in mind, why don't we form a single-file line behind here to the phone? [Looks up to see all the girls on their cell phones] Or you could use your own, I guess. [Sighs] LORELAI: Hey So, um, I think I'm gonna take off. LUKE: What, no stay. You got to stay. LORELAI: Are you sure. LUKE: It's a slumber party. You're the slumber-party expert. What does Hagrid know about slumber parties? LORELAI: Would it be weird, the two of us sleeping together? LUKE: You and the girls can sleep upstairs. I'll figure something out. LORELAI: Are you sure? LUKE: Yeah absolutely. You have to stay. April would want that. LORELAI: Okay, I'll stay. KIRK: The movie's all ready to go. LORELAI: Okay thanks Kirk. KIRK: I just need it back for the Weinstein retirement party. Mel Weinstein's a nut for John Hughes movies. LORELAI: All right, girls, um, you're about to meet someone very special to me. Her name is Molly Ringwald. Now, I know you don't know who that is, but suffice it to say, she is my generation's Audrey Hepburn. And I know you don't know who that is, either, but trust me, you're gonna love her. And yes, that is the guy from "Two and a Half Men." All right, enjoy. [The projector starts and The Psychedelic Furs' "Pretty in Pink" plays] [Cut to later, Luke is trying to get to sleep, you can here the girls laughing off screen] LUKE: [Sighs] GIRLS: Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. DRAGONFLY INN LORELAI: I forgot how much fun it could be just to put makeup on. You know it's become so pragmatic, such drudgery. It's like all we use it for now is to look better. SOOKIE: And why would the two of us ever need to look better? LORELAI: Exactly, whatever happened to the questionably attractive glories of wet 'n' wild blue eye shadow or crimping irons? SOOKIE: Remember sun-in and aqua net and Bonne bell lip smackers? I used to love Bonne bell lip smackers. LORELAI: Well who doesn't love a lip gloss that doubles as a necklace? And they smelled so great. SOOKIE: Except once, I had the chocolate-fudge-flavored one, and in study hall, Trevor fink ate the whole thing, and then he threw it up all over my copy of "the red badge of courage." LORELAI: We all had a Trevor fink in our lives. SOOKIE: So, it sounds like the party was great. LORELAI: It was a great party and a major breakthrough. April's awesome. I think she liked me. SOOKIE: I bet she loved you. LORELAI: We bonded. And hopefully, things will change and I won't have to hide. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Yeah Luke just needed that time and space. You know and in hindsight, I think it was good for him, and I'm really glad I let him have it. SOOKIE: You were incredibly patient. LORELAI: I was, incredibly patient, while at the same time incredibly impatient. SOOKIE: You're a complicated woman. LORELAI: I am, yes. I try to deny it, but there it is. SOOKIE: I'm kind of sad I wasn't at the party. I feel like I missed out. LORELAI: I thought you might, so I brought you some leftovers. Bonne bell lip smackers, anyone? SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: Yes! I've got original, glitter gloss, grape crush, and dr. Pepper. SOOKIE: I feel like I'm 15 again. [Talking like they are 15] Jackson's so getting under my bra tonight. LORELAI: Oh, my god! LUKE'S DINER CUSTOMER: Luke, there's some glitter on my pancakes. LUKE: Sorry about that. Let me fix that up for you. CAESAR: Wasn't any glitter in the food when I was running the place. CUSTOMER: And cut up one of those cold bananas, will you? ANNA: [Too Caesar] Excuse me, is Luke around? CAESAR: Yeah, he's here. He's always here. LUKE: Oh hey, Anna, how are you? ANNA: Can we talk in private? LUKE: Uh, sure. This way. Caesar, I'm gonna take a couple minutes. CAESAR: Whatever. [Cut to the apartment] LUKE: So, what's up? ANNA: I can't believe you did this. LUKE: Did what? ANNA: You said you wanted to throw her a party, Luke, you. LUKE: I know, I did. ANNA: No, you had your girlfriend throw her a party, a girlfriend I don't even know a girlfriend I've never even met. This is not our agreement. LUKE: Wow wait a minute I did throw the party. Lorelai was just helping out. ANNA: Helping out? LUKE: Yes. ANNA: April said you spent the night downstairs. LUKE: Yeah well, I spent the night in the storage room. I though it would be a little weird... ANNA: So when you were in the storage room, your girlfriend was upstairs with the girls. LUKE: Well yeah. ANNA: How am I supposed to explain that to the other girls' parents? How am I supposed to tell them that I left their kids all alone with a woman I've never even met? Who does that! LUKE: I'm sorry. I didn't think that it was gonna cause... ANNA: If I can't trust you, Luke, this arrangement is not gonna work. April is not a sweater that you're borrowing. She's my kid. I have to know where she is and who she's with always. LUKE: I know, I'm sorry. You can trust me, I swear. ANNA: You know what? I am too mad. I can't even look at you. LUKE: Anna. HOSPITAL [Rory gets a snack from vending machine, she see Logan's father come in. They exchange looks, Rory points to Logan's room and Mitchum goes in.] Woman on P.A.: Dr. Blair, dr. Blair. Dr. Jay Hamilton, Dr. Jay Hamilton. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Paul Anka (the dog) is sitting on a chair in the kitchen] LUKE: Hello! LORELAI: Ah, Kitchen! Thank god. I am so nutrition-deprived. All I've eaten in the last two days is cake, candy, cookies, and about 10 pounds of flavored lip gloss. [They kiss] LUKE: Well, then, let's eat. LORELAI: Good now do you want to be civilized and eat off plates or just right out of the containers? I know you don't approve, but I think there is some sort of origami thing happening with these containers that makes the food taste better in them. It's like Feng Shui for noodles. And I'm not just saying that because I'm lazy and I don't want any cleanup. That's only part of it. LUKE: Out of the containers is fine. LORELAI: Righteous. LUKE: [Sighs] LORELAI: You okay? LUKE: Anna came by the diner. LORELAI: Um why? What's up? LUKE: She's mad. She's really mad. LORELAI: What about? LUKE: The party. LORELAI: Well, the party was a smash. LUKE: About you being at the party, she says she feels betrayed because I let you throw April a birthday party even though she's never met you. LORELAI: But you were there the whole time. We both threw the party. LUKE: I told her that, but I left you alone with them all night and didn't clear it with her first. She's really mad about that. It's not your fault. I should have seen this coming. I was stupid. I didn't think it through. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: Yeah, me too. I brought some beer, but I left it in the truck. Be right back. HOSPITAL [Logan's room] RORY: Hey. LOGAN: So, my dad just left. RORY: I saw. LOGAN: I still can't believe it. He actually visited. He was only moderately hostile, slightly condescending, and no more self-centered than usual. RORY: Well it's good that he came. Good for him. Are you feeling any better? LOGAN: I am. Ofcourse It could have something to do with the 27 medications they have me jacked up on. RORY: I checked with the doctor. It's mostly cough syrup and baby aspirin. LOGAN: What's wrong? I'm feeling better. [Rory shakes her head] What? RORY: I'm sorry. LOGAN: About what? RORY: About letting you go on this trip. I should have stopped you. I was just so busy being mad at you. I didn't think I was trying to punish you, but I was trying to punish you. LOGAN: No, Rory. RORY: I should have stopped you. LOGAN: Hey, you couldn't have stopped me. A team of psychiatrists with tranquilizer guns couldn't have stopped me. I was going no matter what. It's my fault. Do not feel guilty about this. RORY: I just sent you out that door. I didn't even care. I was so cold. I just, I could have lost you. LOGAN: You didn't lose me. RORY: But I could have, though. LOGAN: Look I'm the one screwing things up with us here, not you. I'm sorry you're in the hospital right now. I'm sorry about all of this. I don't what's going on with me, but I'll get better, okay? Things will calm down. I just need you to bear with me, okay? Okay? RORY: Okay. ANNA'S STORE [Lorelai enters] ANNA: Oh. LORELAI: You okay there? ANNA: Sorry. Spreadsheets, the bane of my existence. Combines my hatred of math with my fear of little, tiny boxes. LORELAI: Well little, tiny boxes can be scary. Unless, of course, they contain big diamond earrings. ANNA: [Laughs] I hear you. Feel free to look around. LORELAI: Thanks. ANNA: Have you been in here before? LORELAI: No, first time. It's lovely, great stuff. ANNA: Thank you. All the hanging clothes over there are 20% off, some of my favorite stuff, but come march 1st, I can't sell a sweater to save my life. LORELAI: Okay, I'll check it out. ANNA: You looking for anything in particular? LORELAI: Uh, yeah, you, actually. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. I'm Luke's fianc e. ANNA: Oh. LORELAI: I wanted to apologize for the party. It was my fault. ANNA: It just wasn't exactly what I was expecting. LORELAI: I know, and I'm to blame for that, not Luke. It wasn't his idea. He was having a little trouble getting the party going, and I may have thrown myself into it a little too much. I just thought that we should meet so you could see you really have nothing to worry about. ANNA: She's a 13-year-old girl. I always have something to worry about. LORELAI: Well, yeah, of course, but I meant in regards to me. ANNA: Look, I'm sure you're a great person. LORELAI: I am. I have references. ANNA: But I'm a single mom here. I can't play fast and loose with the people in my kid's life. LORELAI: I completely understand. I'm a single mom myself. ANNA: Okay then you get it. What if April decided she likes you? What if she becomes attached to you? What if you become her best friend in the entire world, and then one day, you just disappear? LORELAI: Well, that's not gonna happen. ANNA: You don't know that. You can't guarantee that, and I can't take that chance. When it comes to my daughter, I have to have rules, hard and fast rules. LORELAI: I would never dream of violating any of those rules. Believe me. ANNA: April never meets any man I date unless I've dated him for years. LORELAI: I totally get that. ANNA: So basically, until I'm ready to get married again, she doesn't meet any of the men I date. LORELAI: Right. ANNA: For all she knows, I'm a nun. LORELAI: Yeah, I went through a sister Wendy phase myself once. ANNA: I want her to have stability. LORELAI: Right. But Luke and I, we are engaged. We are stable. ANNA: Engaged isn't married. People get engaged all the time. LORELAI: Look, this is not something casual, Luke and me. This is not something we're rushing into, by any means. This has been a long time coming, a long time. This is real. ANNA: That's wonderful, I'm really happy for you, but that doesn't change anything. Luke just came into April's life. I'm still nervous about that. He's not a kid guy, never has been, and she's getting very attached. I need to know he's sticking around first. And then, when you're married, we'll deal with that then. I'm not trying to be a hardass here. April's my world. I don't know if my way is the right way. I just have to go with my gut. This is how I want to do it...You said you're a single mom. LORELAI: I have a daughter, just like you. ANNA: You get where I'm coming from at all? LORELAI: I really do. Anyway, thank you for hearing me out. ANNA: Sure. It's no problem. LORELAI: Okay. [Lorelai turns to leave] ANNA: Hey. If it makes you feel better, she had a really great time at that party. LORELAI: I'm glad. [Lorelai waves goodbye]

Luke decides to give April a birthday party at the diner. Lorelai volunteers to help and is hurt when Luke explains that he still thinks it's too soon for them to meet. However, Luke changes his mind when the party is a disaster, giving Lorelai a chance to bond with April. Meanwhile, Rory rushes to be with Logan at the hospital after he is seriously injured during a stunt with the Life and Death Brigade.

fd_The_Mentalist_02x17

fd_The_Mentalist_02x17_0

Ext. Daytime. CBI Building (Lisbon, Jane, Rigsby sortent du batiment) Lisbon: Her name's Madeleine Hightower. She's been running Intelligence down in Fresno. Rigsby: New boss? Jane: New boss. Madeleine Hightower. Lisbon: Chief Deputy A. G. says she'll be here sometime tomorrow. Word is she's hard as nails... Political, tight statehouse connections. Rigsby: So this is good for us. We'll have some real muscle upstairs. Lisbon: We'll see. Jane: No need to be nervous. Lisbon: I'm not nervous. Jane: You're an exemplary agent. No reason for butterflies. Lisbon: No butterflies. I'm fine. Jane: Keep telling yourself that. (The three get in the CBI 4X4) Ext. Daytime. Hopper Banks Estate. Citrus Heights, California (Lisbon, Jane, Rigsby, Vic Bandino) (Lisbon's car arrives at the scene of the crime) Vic Bandino: Vic Bandino, Alpha Bravo residential security. Appreciate your quick response. Lisbon: Agent Lisbon. This is Patrick Jane, and this is Ag... Vic Bandino: Wayne Rigsby. CBI, huh? You did okay. Rigsby: Hi, Bandino. What's up? We worked a couple of cases together back in the day. San Diego P. D. Arson squad. Yeah. Vic Bandino: Boy, those were the times, huh? Remember that stakeout in Pismo? You ever call that chick? Lisbon: Yeah... would you show us the body, Mr. Bandino? Vic Bandino: Yes, ma'am. Yeah, of course. Please. He's in the pool house. Name's James Smithson... 28, British citizen. He's a high-priced tutor for local kids. Daughter of the homeowner's one of the students. Couple months ago they let him move in here. Lisbon: Rigsby, can you find out why the coroner's not here? Rigsby: Yeah, sure. Lisbon: Who found the body? You? (Ils entrent dans une habitation, un corps est au sol.) (They go into a house, a body is on the floor.) Vic Bandino: The homeowner's kid. She was coming in for a lesson. She called her dad. He called me. I called you. Lisbon: Not the local police? Why us exactly? (A man enters) Hopper Banks: What the hell, Vic? You were supposed to call me the second they got here. Lisbon: Excuse me, sir? Hopper Banks: I'm Hopper Banks. Lisbon: Agent Lisbon, CBI. This is a crime scene. Hopper Banks: It's my place. (Jane trouve sur une table basse des sachets de th au citron) Lisbon: Mr. Banks, I need you to leave. Can you do that for me? Hopper Banks: I'll be in the main house. I'll expect a full report. Let me konw when you get the body out of here. Vic Bandino: That's why I called you. Old California money, lots of clout. Local P. D. won't cut it. He wants the best. Rigsby: Coroner's on his way. Vic Bandino: A single gunshot. Judging by the wound, looks like a .38. No weapon. Don't worry. It's a visual inspection. Didn't touch a thing. (Jane finds tea bags and lemon on a coffee table) Lisbon: No sign of assault or robbery? Vic Bandino: Real fancy resume, this guy. Graduated from Eton and Oxford. Last employer was some hotshot prep school back east. Jane: Meh, I wouldn't be so sure. Vic Bandino: Excuse me? Jane: The facial scar. Eton boy gets a cut on his head, and he needs a plastic surgeon, he gets a plastic surgeon. My guess... the whole resume is a fairy tale. Vic Bandino: Excuse me? Jane: You're excused. Vic Bandino: I checked him out myself. Jane: Well, I'm wrong then. Uh... No blisters or calluses on his hands. A lot of dirt under his fingernails. Vic Bandino: Who is this guy? Rigsby: It's a long story. Jane (sniffs the hand of the victim): Hmm. Lisbon: Anything else? And this place must be alarmed. (Jane spots a red box under the bed) Vic Bandino: Yeah, family never turn it on. I got the call at 3:35. I was at a client's residence nearby, working an alarm upgrade. Arrived here at 3:52. (Jane picks up the box) Body was still warm. So I guess the time of death was a good hour before that. (Le corps de la victime a un sursaut) Vic Bandino: What the hell. Jane (interloqu ): Guess again. [ Credits ] Outside the property of Hopper Banks (Rigsby, Lisbon, Jane) (Paramedics carry the victim) Rigsby: It's called Lazarus syndrom. Guy's heart somehow caught an electrical charge and restarted. Hey, it happens. Lisbon: So you're saying he's alive? Rigsby: Well, if you can call that living. He's brain-dead. With no oxygen for more than ten minutes. He's not coming back. Lisbon: There's security cameras out there. Have Bandino show you the footage. Maybe we'll get lucky and catch a look at the shooter. I need to go and talk to the little girl who found the body. Rigsby: You got it. (Nearby Jane inspects trays of flowers. Lisbon notices.) Lisbon: What are you looking for? Jane: The dirt under his nails smelled like rosemary. (finds something in a bed of rosemary) Yeah. (a place dug in the ground, the red box fits there snugly) Whatever was inside this box killed our man. Lisbon (smirking): Well, the case is practically closed. Jane: There's no reason to be snarky. Int. Banks' living room. (Lisbon, Jane, Hopper Banks, Jolene Banks, Lanie Banks) Hopper Banks: It was my wife Jolene, really. She saw how much James helped Lanie with her schoolwork, and when she heard he needed a place to live, she rented the pool house to him. I guess he's been here, uh... I don't know. A couple of months, maybe. Jane: Very generous of your wife. Hopper Banks: Jolene has a big heart. Jane (pointing to a photo on the wall): Is this her? Hopper Banks: My muse. Jane: Good-looking. Hopper Banks: Mm. She turned me into a real artist. Before I met her, I was taking snapshots. Lisbon: Mr. Banks, we're gonna need to talk to your daughter. Jolene Banks (enters the living room): I'm sorry. Lanie's too upset to talk at the moment. Please. Maybe later. Lisbon: We need to speak to her when her memory's fresh. Jolene Banks: She saw what you saw. She came home, went to the pool house for some homework help... Lisbon: We're gonna have to hear that from her. Jolene Banks: And she found a dead body. She's 12 years old. Don't... don't you get it? (a teenager enters) Lanie Banks: It's not homework. It's a project about the pyramids. I can talk to you. Lisbon: Thanks, Lanie. Hopper Banks: Lanie, sit right here, sweetie. Lisbon: I'm Agent Lisbon, and that's Patrick Jane. Lainie Banks: Hi. Jane: What do you have to do for the pyramid project? Lainie Banks: Describe the afterlife as depicted in the ancient egyptian mythology. Jane: Ah, as depicted in the ancient egyptian mythology. Well, did you know that they believed that when you die, you are carried into the next life on the back of a sacred hippopotamus? That's true. Lisbon: What time did you get home from school? Lainie Banks: A little after 3:00. Lisbon: What did you do? Lainie Banks: I made lemonade. James loves my lemonade. Lisbon: Who else was home? Hopper Banks: Uh, nobody. Uh, I was at the gallery, and Jolene was at the gym. Lisbon: Mr. Banks, please. (Jolene Banks se leve du sofa) Lainie Banks: No one was here. I took the lemonade to the pool house. I... I saw... so much blood. Lisbon: Did you see anybody or hear anything? Voices? A car? Lainie Banks: Just James. Hopper Banks: I'm taking her upstairs now. Jane: Does anybody know what was inside this? (indicating the red box in a bag) Jolene Banks (a glass in his hand): No. Are we through? Jane: Almost. Lanie, why didn't your mother want you to speak to us? Lainie Banks: She's not my mother. Hopper Banks: Honey, it... it's okay. Jolene Banks: I was protecting her. She's been through a very traumatic experience. Jane: Oh, I thought you were worried she was gonna say something about whatever it is you're trying to hide from us. Jolene Banks: How dare you? Jane: Really? How dare I? Is that the best comeback you've got? Jolene Banks (to her husband): You're gonna let this man insult me? Jane: Huh? Jolene Banks: Stand there with your mouth open like a moron. Hopper Banks: Baby. Baby. Really? Lisbon: Whew. Well played. Jane: Yeah. I'm starving. Hopper Banks' home studio (Vic Bandino, Rigsby, Lisbon, Jane) Vic Bandino: We've got four cameras in the backyard. We ran the footage from sunup till we got here. Check this out. We found this at 2:37. Watch the window. It's a muzzle flash. (Jane arrives, he is eating) Lisbon: Who's in there? Wh... what camera had the door? Vic Bandino: This is the only image we've got. Lisbon: Nobody coming in or out or in the yard? Jane: Whoever shot Smithson knew where those cameras were placed and how to avoid 'em. (Lisbon watches Jane hungrily bite his sandwich) This one's mine. If you want one, I can make one for you. Lisbon: We need to check Jolene and Hopper's alibis. Vic Bandino: None of these cameras are hidden. Anyone can see 'em... guests, students coming here for tutoring, their parents, everybody. Jane: Oh. Good point. Lisbon: Thanks for your time, Mr. Bandino. Jane (passes his plate to Bandino): Thank you. Cheers. CBI Corridors (Van Pelt, Lisbon, Rigsby, Jane) Van Pelt: The victim, James Smithson, doesn't exist. Passport's fake. His references are bogus. I ran his prints through all the databases. There's nothing, nothing at all. Lisbon (a Rigsby): Your friend Bandino didn't do much of a background check. Rigsby: Mm. That's not like him. He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he always did the legwork. Lisbon: Do you think maybe he's holding something back, protecting his clients? Rigsby: Yeah, I'll check it out. Lisbon: Take Van Pelt. (Lisbon finds Jane on the couch) Jane: Just stop worrying. It's gonna be fine with the new boss. I mean, sure, there'll be a settling-in period when she probes your psyche for weakness, but once that's out of the way... Lisbon: Would you stop? You're being so childish. I think you're the one who's nervous. Jane: Ooh. That sounds perceptive. Let me think about that... No. I find that I'm not. It's definitely you. Cho: I'm gonna go talk to Smithson's regular students and their parents, fill in some of these blanks. Lisbon: Good idea. Take him with you. (pointing at Jane) Cho: Come on. Blankman Residence. Citrus Heights, California (Maggie Blankman, Cho, Jane) Maggie Blankman: My god. It's so terrible. Do you have any idea who did it? Cho: We're still investigating, Mrs. Blankman. Now the parents and students we've talked to all say he was a great tutor, but not much else. How well did you know Mr. Smithson? Maggie Blankman: Not that well. James had only been tutoring my son for... three... four months. I'd drop off, pick up. You know, say hello. He seemed nice. Jane (squirming on the sofa): E... excuse me, Mrs. Blankman. I... I'm sorry. Don't mean to interrupt. I'm a little parched. Could I bother you for a cup of tea? Maggie Blankman: Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't offer you... Jane: Oh, no no no, please. I... I can get it. You're shaking. Would you like a cup? Uh... Cho? Cho: No, thanks. (Jane goes to the kitchen, gets out cups, tea bags. Sniffs a grapefruit, dish soap, finally finds a yellow can of deodorant. Pours boiling water into the cups.) Cho: Your son never mentioned anything? Money problems? Anything unusual? Maggie Blankman: They just studied. Jane (returns from the kitchen cups in hand, he gives one to Maggie Blankman): Smelled so good, I went and made you one. lemongrass, my favorite. Yeah, it's funny how smells work. They attach themselves to such specific memories. You know, like the, uh, kitchen of a childhood home, or having a cup of tea with a lover. Maggie Blankman: Yes. Jane: Yes. Yes, you and James were lovers. Maggie Blankman: Yes. Jane: Mm... hmm. (Maggie raised the cup to her mouth) Oh, you might not want to drink that. That's a little... funky monkey. (he takes the cup from her hands) Ext. Daytime. In front of Banks' house (Rigsby, Bandino, Van Pelt) Rigsby: What kind of background check did you do, Vic? Vic Bandino: The usual. I called his last employer. I checked his credit. Rigsby: Well, James Smithson isn't James Smithson. None of it's true. Vic Bandino: Well, there's a limit to what I can do, you know? I'm not the CIA, here. Rigsby: Aw, come on, man. You used to be more gung-ho than that. Vic Bandino: That's why I'm not a cop anymore. It's too stressful. Unhealthy profession. Rigsby: Yeah, no kidding. Vic Bandino (to a technician, who is working): Hey, you got anything? Technician: No. Vic Bandino: Seriously, you hear about Hank Harrison? 39 years old, 5 years out from his pension... Boom. Heart attack. A wife, two kids. He had that, uh, that bachelor party, remember? Rigsby: Uh, no. Vic Bandino: Aw, come on. Sure you do. The stripper was all over his case, I'm telling ya. Van Pelt: I bet she was. Vic Bandino: Oh. oh, hey. Are you two, like, uh... Are you dating each other? Van Pelt and Rigsby (together): No, we're not. Vic Bandino: No? Because you both looked a little weird just now. Rigsby: No. Van Pelt: We're talking about a murder here. Vic Bandino: Yeah. Yeah, hey, look, I'm sorry, all right? Uh, there is one thing. A couple months ago, Hopper was working on this photo thing. He, uh... he asked me to get him a gun. Old-fashioned piece, like the FBI was using in some '60s movie he saw. Van Pelt: Like a .38? Vic Bandino: Yeah, I guess. We never got to that. I turned him down. Told him if he wanted it like the movie, get a prop gun. I don't know what he did in the end, but it's worth mentioning, right? Yeah. Rigsby: Yeah, it is. Thanks, man. Appreciate it. Vic Bandino: Hey, absolutely. Van Pelt: Thanks for your help. (Van Pelt and Rigsby are heading to their car) Vic Bandino: Yeah, no problem. Hey, listen. What say you and me go get a cup of coffee some time? Van Pelt: No, thanks. Vic Bandino: Huh? What's coffee? I'm a nice guy, right, Rigs? Rigsby: See ya later, Vic. CBI - Lisbon's office (Cho, Lisbon) (they come out of the office) Cho: So Smithson was a big ladies' man, and they've both got solid alibis. Maggie Blankman's husband's been in Reno for the last three days, and Maggie was at a therapist's session from 2:00 to 4:00 p. m.... double session. Lisbon: Jane and I are gonna go to Hopper's gallery, ask about the gun. (Rigsby, Van Pelt in the Team Office) Rigsby: Hey. Want a coffee? Van Pelt: No, thanks. So what was her name? Rigsby: Who? Van Pelt: The stripper. Rigsby: O... oh. I, uh... Van Pelt: We could double... date... Me and Bandino, you and your stripper. Rigsby: Wh... I th... I thought y... you... (Van Pelt laughs) Oh. That's mean. Van Pelt: Kidding. Rigsby: Oh, her name was, uh, Kandy. Oh, yeah. Sweet Kandy, with a "k." Van Pelt: Oh. Kandy with a "k." Mm... hmm. Hopper Banks Gallery. Citrus Height, California. (Hopper Banks, Jolene Banks, Lisbon, Jane, Lainie Banks) (Hopper and a woman look at photos) Hopper Banks: Do I own a gun? Lisbon: Yes, Mr. Banks, a .38. Have you ever been in possession of one or owned one? Hopper Banks: I never had a gun, any kind. I don't believe in them. (Jane and Lainie sit together) Jane: You're just not trying hard enough. Lainie Banks: I am. You just can't read minds. You close your eyes, okay? I'm the boss here. Concentrate. It's coming to me. Chocolate...Coconut... Swirl. Huh? Lainie Banks: Vanilla. Pay up. Jane: That's not funny. Lainie Banks: Yeah, it is. Hey, Dad, just getting ice cream. (she leaves) Hopper Banks: Okay. Lisbon: Uh, would you mind taking a polygraph test? Hopper Banks: No. Why would I do that? Jane (looks at a photo on the wall): I'll give you this, Hopper... You have a very consistent vision. A little crazy, but consistent. Hopper Banks: I wouldn't expect you to understand what I'm doing. Jane: Let me give it a shot. You enjoy taking possession of your wife, but only on camera, not in the flesh. You were being cuckolded by James Smithson, and you let it happen. Why? Impotence? Masochism? Homosexuality? I'm not sure. Jolene Banks: That's very perceptive, Mr. Jane. You have a talent. Jane: Meh, it's just... I do. Thanks. It's just... It's an easy call. You're very attractive but unhappy and accustomed to using your sexuality as a weapon. Did you use your sexuality as a weapon against him? Hopper Banks: Okay, you're done. Now... Go. Jane: What does it take to get you mad, Hopper? Did Smithson rub your nose in it? Hopper Banks: That's ridiculous! Lainie Banks (arrives with some ice cream): What's wrong? Hopper Banks: Uh, nothing, honey. Uh, these people were just leaving. Jane: Yeah, we should leave. Lisbon: Let's. Yeah. Jane: How's the ice cream? Lainie Banks: Good. Jane: Yeah. Hard to beat vanilla. Ext. Daytime. In Lisbon's car (Lisbon, Jane, Man with a bag) Lisbon: I know, I know. You were making stuff up to get the guy angry so you could get a read on him. Blah, blah, blah. The truth is, you just didn't like the guy. Jane (eating a vanilla ice cream cornet): Well, that would be very unprofessional. (looks in his rearview mirror, a car behind) Um, could you take the next left, please? Lisbon: Okay. Well, what did you read? Lisbon: Did he do it? Jane: Take the next left, and I'll tell you. Lisbon: Well? Jane: Well, maybe. He had a good motive. And maybe not. The red box didn't fit. Lisbon: You picked up a tail? (sees the car behind them in his rearview mirror) Jane: Cul-de-sac. (Lisbon stops the car, opens the window) Lisbon: Nothing. Jane (a car arrives): You sure? Uh-huh. (the car parks, and a man exits bag in hand, Lisbon gets out, followed by Jane) Lisbon: Excuse me. Why are you following us? The man with the bag: Following you? Shoot, I thought California was friendly. I'm just trying to make a sale here... life insurance. Cute young couple like yourselves, now you've gotta think about the future, right? You got kids yet? Jane (eating ice cream): That's a terrible accent. Disguised British, yes? You gotta work on your glottal stop. Lisbon: His what? Jane: His glottal stop. Lisbon: Can we see some identification, please? The man with the bag: Uh, sure. It's in the car. I'll... hold on, I'll get it. Jane (backs off): Uh-oh. Lisbon: Put your hands on the car. Now. The man with the bag: What's this about? Lisbon: Turn around. A stranger asks to see your I. D., you ask them to show you theirs first. Jane: Unless, of course, you're trying to hide something. The man with the bag: Quite right. Quite right, Mr. Jane. Lisbon: Who are you? The man with the bag: Francis Slocombe. Inspector Francis Slocombe. Scotland Yard Special Branch. Jane: Eh. CBI - Team Office (Cho, Rigsby, Lisbon, Jane, Francis Slocombe) Cho (phone): Thank you. I can't reach your contact at Scotland Yard. Francis Slocombe: Time difference. Tricky one, that. Rigsby: Yep, Francis Slocombe, registered at the Flamingo Hotel. Lisbon: Where's Jane? Jane: Here. Francis Slocombe (Jane hands him a cup of tea): Oh, thanks. Lovely. Did you check Liverpool's score? Jane: Up 1-nothing. End of the first half. Francis Slocombe: Excellent. Lisbon (off-hand to Jane): Where are the cucumber sandwiches? Jane: I'm being nice to him, because I think he might know what was in this. Lisbon: Oh, what about our search warrant that got killed? For the murder weapon? Jane: You're not even a bit curious? Lisbon: After your performance at the gallery, Banks made some phone calls. Now Judge Withers won't sign the warrant. Jane: Oops. Sorry. Uh, she's a little cranky. New boss coming in. Lisbon: Enough with that. (to Cho) Did his story check out? Cho: Nope. Francis Slocombe: About James Smithson... his real name's Oliver Stans. Nine months ago he stole an extremely valuable artifact from the British Museum... A pristine example of greco-roman art circa 50 B. C. A wedding ring, said to belong to Cleopatra, given her by Mark Antony. That's what was in the box. Here's a copy from the museum gift shop. Stans lifted the ring and replaced it with one of those. (gives a ring to Lisbon who studies it) Cho: What was he doing in the United States? Francis Slocombe: He knew we were building a case against him. Changed his name, disappeared. A week ago we picked up chatter that a dealer in stolen antiquities was gonna buy the ring here, had sent someone to pick it up. (Lisbon passes the ring to Jane) May I? (to Cho. Taps the keyboard and a page appears) This is Louis Anglet... go to courier in the high-end stolen art market. I followed him here to Stans and the ring, but I arrived too late. That's why I was following you. Anglet has the ring now, and I need to get back on the trail. Lisbon: You're not going anywhere until your story checks out. Jane: Whoever killed Stans killed him for the ring. Lisbon: Ron, take Mr. Slocombe to an interrogation room. Sit on him while I make a call. Ron: Sure. Let's go. Van Pelt: Slocombe's right. James Smithson is Oliver Stans. A few minor arrests... narcotics possession charge, assault. Looks like a bar fight. And yes, a person of interesting the British Museum theft. Cho: Any next of kin? The hospital called. They need someone to sign off on organ donation. Van Pelt: Uh... Stans' mother was a single parent. Died three years ago. No siblings. Lisbon: Cho, come with me. We need to ask Slocombe some questions. [SCENE_BREAK] Interrogation Room with Slocombe (Lisbon, Cho, Ron) (Ron collapsed unconscious on the table, Slocombe has disappeared) Lisbon: His gun's gone. Cho: I'll get a search started. Lisbon: Ron, can you hear me? Team Office (Lisbon, Jane, Van Pelt, Rigsby, Hightower) Lisbon: FBI says he's Scotland Yard, but he's got nothing to do with this case. Nine months ago when the ring was lifted, he went off the reservation. He's been tracking Stans ever since. Jane (the red box in his hand): Hmm. Rigsby: You think he helped with the robbery, and Stans double-crossed him? Jane: No. No, Slocombe's just trying to get the ring back. "Why?" is the big question. Lisbon (to Rigsby and Van Pelt): You two, go to his motel room. See if you can find anything there that'll help us. Rigsby: Okay. Cho: Hey, no sign of Slocombe. I got a grid search started. Lisbon: This is perfect. It's perfect. Hightower (approaches): Agent Lisbon. Madeleine Hightower. Lisbon: Special agent Hightower, welcome. Hightower: Thank you. Lisbon: This is Patrick Jane. Hightower: The famous Mr. Jane. (Jane gets up to shake his hand) Good to meet you. Jane: You, too. Hightower: I've gonna have a nice quite day-to-day but it seems there is trouble. Lisbon: We lost somebody. We're looking for him. Hightower: Then I'm sure you'll fight him. Let's talk to my office. Give me a half-hour to roll some calls. Lisbon: Yes, ma'am. (Hightower walks away) Jane: She likes you. I can tell. Ext. Daytime. Flamingo Motel. Citrus Heights, California (Rigsby, Van Pelt) Rigsby: places. Van Pelt (looks around the room): That's shocking. Rigsby (sat on the bed): Ooh, oh well, that is a good bed for a motel room. Very firm. You, uh... You wanna try it? Van Pelt: Oh, come on. Rigsby: What? There's nobody here. We can lock the door. Nobody's looking. Come on. Van Pelt: We're on duty. Rigsby: Yeah, I know. Totally wrong. Come on. Van Pelt (spots something behind the air vent on the wall): Hold that thought. Rigsby: What you got? Van Pelt: Eureka. (finds a leather briefcase) Rigsby: Yeah, eureka. Is that mean you can get back here? Van Pelt: This could be critical evidence. Rigsby (undoes his tie): Yes, it could be, but unless the critical evidence self-destructs in less than ten seconds, I suggest you get yourself back here. It's critical. Van Pelt: Fine. (She drops on the bed, they kiss. The sound of a door opening gets them back on their feet) Rigsby: Hey. Room's good. Motel Maid: Thank you. Rigsby: Yeah. CBI - Hightower's Office (Hightower, Lisbon) Hightower (unpacks her things): Come in. Lisbon: Ma'am, I assure you, today's incident is not at all indicative of the unit's overall confidence. Hightower: You had a bad day, agent Lisbon. You screwed up. It happens. Now let's get to the work. This judge, the one who changed his mind about giving us our search warrant... Lisbon: Judge Withers, ma'am. He's kinda like a stubborn old bull... won't budge once he takes a position. We try to get Hightower: And he changes his mind because... Lisbon: He said we had method Hightower: Not what he said. The real reason. Patrick Jane insulted Hopper Banks, and Hopper Banks complained. Lisbon: Jane has unusual methods, but... Hightower: He closes cases, yes, he does. He's a valuable asset. We cannot afford to lose him. The way I see it... It's you that's in a tricky spot. Lisbon: Ma'am? Hightower: This bureau has seen some tough times lately. My mission is to turn that around and make the CBI the premier law enforcement agency in this state. Patrick Jane is a huge part of that goal. If you can't keep him in line, we'll find someone who can. Lisbon: Yes, ma'am. Hightower: You can go. I'll give Judge Withers a call, get you a warrant. (Lisbon leaves the office) CBI Corridors (Van Pelt, Rigsby, Lisbon) (Van Pelt and Rigsby get out of the elevator, Lisbon has meal in her hand) Van Pelt: Hey, boss. According to the information Slocombe dug up, Louis Anglet doesn't just deal in stolen antiquities. He's a hired gun, never indicted, but a prime suspect in three killings. And he hasn't left the country. He's still here. Rigsby: Multiple IDs, multiple arrests, but no jail time. He's a slippery customer. He looks good for it. (They enter Lisbon's office) Lisbon: We don't even know where Anglet is. What we do know is that every time Slocombe opens his mouth, he lies. We've got a bolo out on him. In the meantime, let's just pursue the case we're developing. Hopper Banks is still our prime suspect. Let's check out his house for the gun. Rigsby: We don't have a search warrant. Lisbon: We do now. Hightower got Withers to sign off on it. Ext. Daytime. Hopper Banks' house. (Lisbon, Bandino, Cho, Hopper Banks, Van Pelt) Lisbon (gets out of the car): Hey. Bandino: Hey, about the gun... Did you find anything? If you did, I hope you keep my name out of it... Lisbon: Go away, Mr. Bandino. Cho: Nothing so far. I got some more guys coming. It's a big house. Hopper Banks: Agent Lisbon, what is the CBI equivalent of Siberia? Because whatever it is, that's where you're going. Lisbon: Hold that thought, Mr. Banks. Van Pelt (arrives with paper in his hand): Look what I found in the home office. (a black and white picture of Jolene Banks with a fedora on head and a colt in hand) Hopper Banks: It's a picture of a prop. Cho: It's a picture of a colt, detective special, 38 caliber, 4-inch barrel... The same kind of gun killed our victim. Hopper Banks: A prop. Lisbon: Why don't we sort out which one at our offices, Mr. Banks? Hospital. James Smithson's room. (Francis Slocombe, Jane) Francis Slocombe (enters the room, James is on life support): Oh, Oliver, you idiot. You bloody idiot. (the curtain moves) Francis Slocombe: Who's that? Come out or I will shoot. Jane (opens the curtains): Uh, I checked for you. Liverpool lost. Bad season, huh? Francis Slocombe: Injuries. You're expecting me, then? Nice work. Jane: Oh, you dropped everything, you risked your whole career to, uh, find him before your colleagues at the Yard. You followed us after he was shot. You're both Liverpool fans. He's family. Your son? Francis Slocombe: Yeah. My son. I was no father to him. Never married his mother. Never spent time with him at all, really. But I kept track. I tried. And look at him now. Look at my boy. He was a brilliant young man. From nothing, under his own steam, he got himself a scholarship to Cambridge to study Classics. That's what got him invited to preview the museum's new collection. Jane: And he stole the ring. Francis Slocombe: That was an impulsive act. He's not a thief. He's a foolish, rebellious kid. Jane: He took a copy of the ring in with him. It wasn't an impulsive act. It was a plan. Francis Slocombe: He's not a thief. Jane: You believe that, and that was your plan. If you could just talk to him, he'd return the ring, because he's... As you say, not a thief. Francis Slocombe: I could have. If I made it in time, I could have done that. Jane: And now you track down his killer and kill them. Francis Slocombe: Yeah, well, you know how that works. I read all about you, Mr. Jane. I know what happened to your family. Jane: Well, you'll end up in prison. Francis Slocombe: Maybe. But right now I'me gonna out of here. And you gonna let me. Jane: Obviously. You're holding a gun, and I have no real reason to stop you. Francis Slocombe: Thanks for being sensible. Jane: It's my middle name. (Slocombe leaves the room) CBI - Hightower's office (Hightower, Jane) Hightower: Hey. Jane: Hey. Hightower: I made a private word with everyone here. A kind of... set up Jane: Cool. It's, uh, an excellent practice. Hightower: Have a seat. Jane: Thank you. Hightower: I spoke to Lisbon yesterday... Jane: Mm-hmm. Hightower: Told her how deeply I value your contribution to the bureau. Jane: Nice to hear. Hightower: I told her you're too good to lose to some smart-ass move you might make that turns bad. I told her that if and when it happens, it's her neck. You...You're golden. You're safe for anything short of murder. Lisbon... No. You mess up, she's out of here. Any questions? Jane: Not that I can think of right now. Hightower: Good. Thank you for your time. I look forward to working with you. Jane: Likewise. Thank you. See you around. CBI - Interrogation room. (Hopper banks, Lisbon, Cho) Hopper Banks: I knew the purchase was illegal. I just didn't want to get in trouble. Ironic. Cho: Where's the gun now? Hopper Banks: I have no idea. I haven't seen it since the shoot, which is what, like six weeks ago? I thought it might be somewhere in my studio, but you guys would have found it, I guess. Maybe somebody stole it. Cho: That's not very credible. Hopper Banks: It's the truth. Van Pelt (enters the room): Boss? Lisbon (assisting in the questioning in an adjoining room): Yeah. Van Pelt: I was going through the files on Banks' laptop, and I found this and this in his telephone records. Lisbon (enters the interrogation room): Cho, you mind? Cho: All yours. (leaves) Lisbon: Mr. Banks, do you know anything about the theft of a ring at the British Museum? Cleopatra's wedding ring, supposedly. Hopper Banks: No. Why? Lisbon: We checked your browser history on your office computer. You looked up the theft of the ring two months ago, right after you let Stans move into your pool house. Downloaded quite a bit about it. Hopper Banks: I never did this. Lisbon: You also made several phone calls to a man named Louis Anglet, who we believe may have purchased the ring. Hopper Banks: Anglet? I've never heard of him. Lisbon: The calls are in your phone records. Jane's sofa (Jane, Lisbon, Van Pelt) Jane (on the telephone): I paid for overnight delivery. I was told guaranteed delivery before 10:00 a. m. And it's not here yet. Well, if it gets here by then that'll be fine. Thank you. Lisbon: No word on Slocombe? Jane: Never despair. Van Pelt brings hope. Van Pelt: Uh, we've been tracking this Anglet guy via cell phone. Off that, we got a bead on his credit card. The thing is, someone else is tracking his purchases as well. Jane: Has to be Slocombe. Van Pelt: And at 3:00 this afternoon, Anglet has a massage booked at the Blue Willow Spa, right here in downtown Sacramento. Jane: Mm-hmm. And chances are... Lisbon: Slocombe will show up. Jane (to Van Pelt): So good. Ext. Daytime. A courtyard, shops, caf . (Rigsby, Cho, Francis Slocombe, Louis Anglet, Lisbon, Jane) Cho: I got Anglet. Louis Anglet (to a salesperson): Bottle of water, please. Rigsby: I see Slocombe. Francis Slocombe: Anglet? Louis Anglet: What? Francis Slocombe: Got a question for you. Louis Anglet: Oh, sorry, I think you have the wrong guy, but... Francis Slocombe: Hey. Did you kill my boy? Louis Anglet: No. Francis Slocombe: Did you kill my boy? (Slocombe stuns Anglet with a rifle butt) Louis Anglet: Get off me! Rigsby: CBI! On the ground! Slocombe! Slocombe, drop the weapon! Cho: Drop it! CBI. Team Office. (Francis Slocombe, Jane, ) Francis Slocombe (stirs a spoonful into a cup of tea): I just meant to question him. I don't know what came over me. I saw red. I'll end up in prison, just like you predicted. Very foolish. Jane (after drinking his tea): No. It's human nature. Francis Slocombe: Ah, it made me realize revenge is not for me. Pointless. More violence is just more violence. Doesn't make anything any better. Jane: Mm, maybe. I'm not so, uh... (Hightower joins them, paper in hand) Hightower: You're booked on the 8:00 to London tomorrow morning. Take it, and there'll be no charges pending. Francis Slocombe: Thank you. Hightower: I don't want to see you again. Clear? Francis Slocombe: Oh, yes, ma'am. Thank you. (Hightower leaves) Jane (gets up and bumps into an agent): Uh, th... that's mine. (the agent gives him an envelope) Yep. CBI. - Interrogation Room (Lisbon, Louis Anglet, Hightower, Van Pelt, Jane) Lisbon: Francis Slocombe, the man who was trying to kill you... Why was that? Louis Anglet: I have no idea. (Higtower attends a the interrogation behind a two-way mirror) Lisbon: We know that Slocombe was tracking you. We know that you came here for the ring. Louis Anglet: This ring must be very important. Van Pelt (enters the room where Hightower is): Anglet's lawyer's here. Louis Anglet: What kind of ring is it Hightower (enters the interrogation room): Agent Lisbon. Lisbon: Excuse me. (she leaves, joining Hightower in the corridor) He's tough. Hightower: Yeah, well, there's a reason why he hasn't been in jail. That's his attorney. Probably gets about $1,500 an hour. Let's spend a little time with him, run up the meter. Lisbon: Excuse me. I'm Agent Lisbon. Would you come to my office with me, please? Just up here. Jane (entes the interrogation room where Anglet is): Hi. Louis Anglet: Whoa. You don't look like my lawyer. Jane: I'll take that as a compliment. Louis Anglet: I'm not gonna answer any more questions. Jane: No more questions. I know you didn't kill Stans. You're too smart for that. But what you did do is you bought Cleopatra's wedding ring from his killer. Louis Anglet: Oh, the Cleopatra? (Hightower returns to the room where Jane is questioning.) Really? Queen of the Nile, the bride of Mark Antony? Jane: And here's what you got... One of these... $39 fakies. Considerably more if you have to get the overnight delivery. Not your fault. No reason to think it was a fake, obviously. Stans did steal the ring. That's why it's such a great scam. He can sell the same ring over and over. Now the person you bought the ring for... I'm guessing they paid more than $39 for it. How much did they pay for it? Huh? $200,000? More? More than 2? I think they're gonna be pretty mad when they find out it's a fake. Ohh! What do you think? Oh, man. Hightower (interrupts the interrogation): You can go now, Mr. Anglet. Your attorney's waiting. Jane: See you. (Anglet leaves) Hightower: You stay. Jane: Oh, I'm staying. Hightower: The phone and internet evidence suggests that Hopper killed Stans for the ring and sold it to Anglet. Jane: Yes, it does suggest that. Hightower: So you just put Hopper in a great deal of danger. Jane: Nah. Hightower: Nah? That's your considered reply? Jane: Yep. Hightower: Put a guard on Hopper asap. Lisbon (enters the room): Will do, boss. Hightower: You know, this is exactly the kind of scenario we talked about. Didn't think we'd get there so soon. You butt is on the line, Agent Lisbon. (elle sort) Lisbon: What did you do? Jane: Paid way too much for overnight delivery. Ext. Daytime. Terrace, Hopper Banks' house. (Jolene Banks, Hopper Banks, Vic Bandino, Lisbon, Jane) Jolene Banks: Maybe we should consider... Hopper Banks: Protective custody? No. No way. Vic Bandino: I'll put a team together, sir. Full protection 24/7, my 4 best guys. Lisbon: Mr. Banks, you don't understand... Hopper Banks: Sure, I do. You people convinced Anglet that I cheated him, and then turned him loose to kill me. That pretty much how it goes? Jane: Yeah, that's... that's pretty much how it goes. But for the record, Agent Lisbon had absolutely nothing to do with this. Lisbon: Jane... Hopper Banks: How gallant. Jane: It was all my idea. A... and we could have held Anglet if you were man enough to admit selling him the ring in the first place. Hopper Banks: That's it. Get out. You better pray nothing happens to my family. Ext. Night. A car in front of Hopper Banks house (Vic Bandino) (Bandino runs out of the house, bag in hand, he gets in the the car. Car will not start) Vic Bandino: Oh, come on. (Bandino gets out to look under the hood, he receives a punch in the face, falls to ground. As soon as he hits the ground, he is kicked several times.) Louis Anglet: Where is it? I want the real ring now. Vic Bandino: What are you talking about? I gave it to you. Louis Anglet: You sold me the fake. I want the real one now. Vic Bandino: I... I gave you the real one, all right? Trust me. I put a gun in that guy's face. There's no way he'd hand over a fake. (Police sirens. Many officers.) Rigsby: Put the gun down! Drop the gun! Louis Anglet: All right, all right, all right. Hey, what did I do? I just helped you catch the guy. All right, relax. Rigsby: On the ground! Van Pelt: Put your hands on your head. Rigsby: Let's see your hands. Up against the truck, Bandino. Go! Go! Let's see your hands. Victor Bandino, you're under arrest for the murder of Oliver Stans. Yeah, you think being a cop's stressful? Try being a cop in prison, jerk. CBI Interrogation Room (Vic Bandino, Cho) Vic Bandino: I know my job. I do good background checks. I found out that Smithson was really Stans, found out about the ring. I approached him. We talked. He couldn't sell the ring. It was too hot. But I know some people who know some people that put me in touch with Anglet, and that was it. I brokered the deal. Cho: Why'd you kill Stans? Vic Bandino: He changed his mind. Didn't want to sell it. At the last minute, the idiot wanted to confess, return it to the museum. What was I supposed to do? Cho: You shot him. Vic Bandino: I had no choice. It was a spur of the moment thing. Cho: Right. No premeditation, no death penalty. The only thing? You planned ahead. You planted the phone and internet evidence on Hopper Banks. That doesn't look good. Hopital. Oliver Stans' Room. (Francis Slocombe, Oliver Stans, Jane) Slocombe: Goodbye son. Okay. (Slocombe says goodbye to his son. Jane watches from the hallway. The transplant team take Oliver) (Slocombe joins Jane in the hallway) Jane: Well, it appears I was... wrong about your son. He wasn't a thief. He wanted to return the ring. Slocombe: Anglet cut a deal, traded for his freedom. Jane: Way of the world. Slocombe: Yeah. It doesn't feel any better. Knowing who killed him, knowing he'll be punished... It doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I thought it would. But this... is what he wanted. I can give that to him now, thanks to you. Jane: Eh. Slocombe: Well, I better not Miss my plane. Time to say good bye. Jane: Yeah. Good bye. Slocombe: I wasn't gonna hug you. Jane: I know. Just making sure. CBI Corridors (Hightower, Lisbon, Jane) (We hear Jane talk in the distance. Hightower heads to Lisbon's office, Jane lying on the couch, Lisbon at her desk) Jane: Oh, no. there was a certain vulnerability, a certain rumpled gentleness to him. Lisbon: Vulnerability? Jane: Mm, I thought so. Yeah. Hightower: Comfortable? Jane: I'm getting there, yeah. Hightower: Regarding Agents Rigsby and Van Pelt... they're in a romantic relationship. Lisbon: Well, I mean... Well, romantic? Hightower: You're too good of a cop not to have noticed, and since you haven't done anything about it, I'm gonna have to take action myself. Just wanted to let you know first. Good night. (she leaves) Lisbon: Good night. (Jane sits on the couch) Jane (speaking of Hightower): She's good.

Jane and the CBI team investigate the murder of a tutor, and find a mysterious little red box near the body, starting a chain of events that turns the murder into the search for a priceless ring stolen from the British Museum. Meanwhile, Lisbon is worried when a new boss, Madeleine Hightower, takes command of the CBI, and informs Lisbon that she has mysteriously learned about Rigsby and Van Pelt's relationship.

fd_Roswell_03x03

fd_Roswell_03x03_0

46th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 3ADA03 [SCENE_BREAK] [Isabel and Jesse are shown kissing each other, and seeing each other on the street. At night, they have a redesvous at a movie theatre] Isabel: I can't believe she married him. Jesse: She loved him. Isabel: She did. She really, really loved him. Jesse: Even though he was damaged. Isabel: And wounded. He was so wounded. Jesse: She didn't care. Jesse: She was brave enough to see past that, you know, to see how good he really was. Isabel: I love old movies, you know? The hero always catches the bad guy or wins the war or gets married and lives happily ever after. I wish real life could be like that. Jesse: It can be like that. [Later, at home, Isabel touches a picture of her and Jess, and enters his dream- in the dream he proposes to her] Jesse: Isabel, will you marry me? Isabel: Yes. (in the dream) Isabel: Oh, my god! Oh, my god. [The next day, Isabel is looking at diamonds, and Alex (his ghost) appears] Alex: I go away for a couple of days, and you're looking at wedding rings. Isabel: Alex... Where have you been? I've missed you. Alex: If only you loved me this much when i was alive. Isabel: Alex. Alex: I'm kidding. I'm kidding. [At the crashdown, Liz and her father are arguing with each other- Michael and the security guards come in for breakfast] Liz: Chili and a hot dog. Mr. Parker: No fries? Liz: Did I say fries? Maria: scrambled, bacon, buttered toast. Mr. Parker: You got it. Maria: You know, I work here, too. Liz: Good. Maybe we could stage a revolt, burn down the kitchen, and free the slaves. Maria: You're making life impossible. Liz: Well, he could fire me. Maria: Or i could kill you. Liz: See, you're too late for that, because I'm working, like, 90 hours a week, which means I can't go anywhere or do anything. And you know, I'm probably gonna be dead from grease fumes by the end of the week. And I'm under constant threat of being sent to boarding school. Maria: Could it possibly be that you and max robbed a convenience store? Liz: We didn't actually rob it. [Scene switches to Alex and Isabel talking] Alex: you've only known this guy a few months, isabel. Isabel: Alex, I can't really talk to you about guys. Alex: I'm dead. I'm beyond getting jealous. Isabel: All right. Well, I guess the truth is i've never felt this way before. This is the first time i've met someone i can see being with for the rest of my life. Alex: Ow, that stings a little bit. [Maria is taking the order for Michael and his friends] Maria: Good morning. Michael: Good morning. Maria: Late night? Michael: Endless. Am i on the schedule here today? Maria: No, you have school today. Are you still ok for saturday? Michael: Sure. What's saturday? Maria: Date night, remember, romantic dinner, just you and me? Michael: Right, and what-- what day is this? Maria: This is thursday. You need sleep. Michael: I need pancakes. Fly: Hey, pancakes sound good. Make that 2 with coffee, black. George: Hey, sweetie, how you doin'? Give me eggs over easy, side of wheat, and the biggest glass of milk you got. Same with no butter, side of bacon, thank you. Monk: French toast. Steve: Me, too, with sausage and bacon. Monk: And, uh, orange juice for the table and water. Michael: And a coffee, too. Maria: You know, if you're planning on sleeping, you probably shouldn't have coffee. Michael: With cream, please. Steve: Is that her? That's your girl? Michael: That's her. Fly: Did you ever ask her to wear that uniform off duty? Maria: Hey, can i help you? Isabel: Yeah, I'm just here to pick that up. [Guys laughing] Isabel: is michael laughing? Maria: Apparently. Do you want a drink with that? Isabel: No. Isabel: Um, can I ask you Maria: a question? Isabel: Mm-hmm. Isabel: If michael proposed, would you say yes? Maria: Oh! [Maria drops the plate she has been holding- Michael's friends applaud] Maria: Is there something i should know? Isabel: No. No, no, no. It's just a survey for my sociology class at school. Maria: Oh, so community college wants to know if i'd marry an alien? Isabel: Well, forget about the alien thing. Pretend it's not an issue. How long do you think the courtship should last before it's socially ok to get married? Maria: Well, is the couple in true, true love? Isabel: Well, let's say they hypothetically were. Maria: Ok, well, did they know from the first time they met that they were supposed to be together? Isabel: Say they hypothetically did. Maria: Ok, well, then my opinion is that, um, from the first second of the second minute, they're free to tie the knot. [Michael and the guys are laughing again] Maria: But then again, I'm just a hopeless romantic. [Mr Evan's and Jesse are talking] Mr. Evans: All I'm saying is roswell isn't exactly a hotbed of challenging legal adventures. Jesse: After new york, I was looking for a slower pace. Mr. Evans: Yeah, well, you've got that, which is fine for a middle-aged guy with a family. You must be bored to tears. Jesse: No, not really. Mr. Evans: Well, there must be something keeping you here. A woman? Jesse: Shouldn't we get back to the case here? [Jesse opens the door to see Isabel sitting on her father's desk] Jesse: Isabel. Nice to see you again. Isabel: Mr. Ramirez, it's nice to see you again. Hi, dad. Mr. Evans: Hi, isabel. Hey. What are you doing here? Isabel: Well, I had some time to kill, so i thought i'd bring you lunch. Mr. Evans: Oh, iz, that's wonderful. Oh, my little angel. Isabel: Um, cheeseburger and... Oh, no, they screwed up the order. Mr. Evans: What is that? Isabel: I think it's cucumbers, sprouts, and hummus on pita bread. Mr. Evans: Oh, god, no. Isabel: Yeah, and lentil soup. Mr. Evans: Oh...Oh. I'm gonna go next door and get chicken wings. Huh, you guys want anything? Jesse: I'll take that if you don't want it. Mr. Evans: Ooh, you're a brave, brave man. Ok, back in a minute. Jesse: That was clever. Isabel: I needed to speak to you alone. Jesse: In your father's office? It's risky. Sexy. Isabel: Jesse, i need to speak to you. Jesse: Yeah, me, too. Isabel: Jesse, what I wanted to say is just that, you know, if we're gonna continue in this relationship, it needs to be about now. I can't promise you tomorrow, and I just need you to understand that. Jesse: Oh. Isabel: What were you gonna say to me? Jesse: Pretty much the opposite. Miss evans, I want to-- I want to love you with the lights on. Alex: Kinky. Jesse: Metaphorically speaking. Look, even though we've only known each other a few months, I feel i really know you. I feel i know everything about you. And the thing is, I'm proud to know you. I'm proud to love you, and I want the world to know about it. Jesse: I don't--i don't want to hide this anymore. Alex: This guy's good. [Scene switches to Isabel and Alex talking on a bench] [Alex Sighs] Isabel: I'm cursed. Alex: Isabel. Isabel: I am. I am this cursed person. Alex: You are not Isabel: look what happened to you-- you were killed by an alien. And then there was Grant, the only other guy i was semi-involved with, and he was killed by that ridiculous alien jellyfish thing. Alex: It's like you said. Jesse had a dream, and dreams aren't real. He isn't going to propose to you. It was just a thought passing through his head, so let it pass. [Scene switches to Max and Liz talking] Liz: I want to move out. Max: And then what? Liz: Move in together? Don't you want to? Max: I want to for the right reasons. Liz: How 'bout being together? You know, we could just leave tonight and find some place. Max: The cost's just too high. Liz: We'll get jobs. Max: Your family, liz. It would destroy your mom and dad. Liz: They're destroying us. Max: Liz-- Liz: they are, max. Well, my father is, anyway. How am i supposed to help you find your child if i can't even be with you? Max: You are with me... All the time. All the time. [Liz's parents are talking] Mrs. Parker: Jeff, you can't keep her under lock and key 24 hours a day. Mr. Parker: I don't know who she is anymore. It's like she's become a different person. Mrs. Parker: She's not a little girl. Mr. Parker: I know that. Mrs. Parker: Well, you've got to stop treating-- Mr. Parker: I'm not treating her like a child Mrs. Parker: you're treating her like a criminal. Mr. Parker: She was just in jail. Mrs. Parker: Is this about liz, or is this about you? Mr. Parker: This is about keeping our daughter safe. Mrs. Parker: Don't you get it? You're driving her away. [Scene switches back to Isabel and Alex talking] [Door closes] Alex: if he pulls a ring from his pocket, you can't get all weak in the knees. Isabel: Don't go. Alex: No, you're on your own. Eye of the tiger. You can do this. Just say no. [Jesse comes up to talk to Isabel] Jesse: I thought we were supposed to meet in the balcony. Aren't we being a little risky? Isabel: Hey. I can't do this. Jesse: Look, did something happen? Did someone find out? Isabel: No, and they never will. Jesse: Wait, wait. Hold on. Hang on a second. Isabel: We're done. Jesse: Isabel we're just starting Isabel: Don't call me. Don't try to see me. Jesse: I need to know what happened. What changed? Isabel: Let me go. Jesse: Just wait. Whatever happened, listen to me. Whatever happened, we'll get through it we'll get through it if we're apart. Jesse: What does that mean, isabel? Look, you have to give me an explanation, ok? You owe me an explanation. Isabel: All right. Fine. This is going nowhere. We are going nowhere, ok? I'm 18. I want to go to college. I want a life. And you, what are you doing here, jesse? You came to visit your mother, and you've never left. You graduated with honors from harvard law school. You could be working for the most prestigious law firm in the country. Isabel: If you stay here, you're throwing your future away, because we don't have a future. Jesse: I love you, isabel. Isabel: You can't, so don'T. Just don't. [Isabel goes to Alex and hugs him] [Later, Kyle opens the door to find Isabel standing there crying] Kyle: whoa, jeez-Did you knock? Isabel: No. Kyle: So you're lurking now? Isabel: No. Kyle: What--what's wrong? Wait, you ok? Here, come on. Come on in. What happened? Do you want some water or something? Isabel: No. Kyle: Sit...Down. Do you want to talk about it? Isabel: No. Kyle: Ok, ok. Isabel: Aren't you late for work? Kyle: Oh, screw that. That's... Kyle: What happened? Isabel: I broke up with jesse. Kyle: Why? Isabel: Because there's no way. I can'T. I can't drag him into this. I can'T. Kyle: What are you afraid of? What do you think's gonna happen? He's gonna run away? Isabel, Has anyone you've shared this with ever run away from you? Name one person. Kyle: let him in. Let him deal with it. Isabel: I can'T. max and michael and I, after alex died, we made a pact to never let anyone else in, ever. Kyle: Well, just talk to 'em. I'm sure they'll understand. Isabel: Yeah, right. [Scene switches to Max and Michael talking] Max: Well, you can't move in with her. You'd have to move out of state to avoid her father. Do you still have to cross a state line to be a kidnapper? Max: I don't know. Michael: Thought maybe armed robbery would be ahead on the syllabus. Max: Slow down. Michael: Am i speaking too fast? Max: Me and liz. Calm things down a little. Turn down the heat. Michael: Back on the throttle. Sounds good. [Maria comes in to the apartment] Michael: You want a snapple? Maria: Where were you? Michael: Where was i supposed to be? Maria: We were supposed to have lunch at school today. Michael: Today's saturday. Maria: No, today's friday. Hello. Where are you? Michael: I'm right here. Where's saturday? Maria: What, are you guys saving the world from alien invasion? Michael: Would that keep you from kicking my ass? Max: I got to get going. Michael: Good luck. [Maria looks at Michael with a pout] Michael: Don't do that. Maria: What am I doing? What am I doing besides wondering where my boyfriend went? Michael: I said i'm right here. Maria: Sleeping? Or are you just waking up or are you going to bed? Or you're at work or you're at school. Where you're not, michael, is with me. And even when you are with me, it's like you're not with me. Michael: I am. Maria: No, you're not. Michael: Everything i'm doing-- the jobs, getting my grades up, is to be with you-- to be better for you. So, what do you want me to do? Tell me. I'll do it. Maria: I want a moment of your time. I want several moments. I want tomorrow night to be fun, for instance. Michael: Date night? Maria: Yes. And please, would you please wash your sheets? Michael: Ok. Ok, sure. Me and you, tomorrow night, nothing but fun. I promise. Maria: Do you really promise? Michael: I promise, promise. Maria: Can I have a snapple? Michael: Oh. [Michael sees a note he left himself about bowling league on Saturday night] Maria: What? Michael: I don't know if i have a cold one, but I'll check. Oh, I do. [Max and Liz are talking in the eraser room] Max: I want to talk to your father. I want him to understand. Liz: I don't think he's interested in understanding anything right now. Max: Why, what happened? Liz: I don't know. Well, last night when i came home, they were arguing about me. My father was just-- I didn't know there was that side to him. Max: What side? Liz: Forget it. It's stupid. I don't want to weigh you down with it. Max: Go ahead. Weigh me down. I'm pretty sure i can handle it. [A teacher opens the door and sees Max and Liz sitting on the floor] Liz: Uh, we were just talking. Teacher: Yeah. Steaming up the windows. Teacher: Liz, out! Bad move, max. Max: We were just talking. Teacher: Planning a bank heist? [Isabel is in the kitchen with her parents] Mrs. Evans: So, max is living with michael? Isabel: More like crashing. Mr. Evans: Crashing? Does he have his things there? A bed? Is he paying rent? Isabel: Can we just try not to talk about max? For just this once, just tonight. Is that possible? Mr. Evans: So, you're not gonna believe this, but I have to look for another lawyer. Again. Mrs. Evans: Someone's leaving? Mr. Evans: Jesse. Mrs. Evans: What? Honey, you said he was the best lawyer your firm has ever had. Mr. Evans: Apparently, too good for my firm. He's moving back to new york. Mrs. Evans: New york? Well, I hope he gave you decent notice. That's the thing. He just walked out on me this afternoon. Totally uncharacteristic. Isabel: You know, I actually forgot some books at school. I'm totally-- I'm not--i'm sorry. I'll be right back. Mrs. Evans: Isabel? Honey, what about dinner? Isabel: I'll be back. [Maria and Liz are talking at the crashdown] Maria: are you ok? Liz: Yeah. Why? Maria: You're making a cottage cheese milk shake. Sweetie, what? What, what, what? Liz: Nothing. I just don't know if i'm, like, mad or insane or what. Maria: Mad as in angry mad? Liz: Yes. Maria: Well, I don't know. You said "insane." I thought maybe you were expanding on mad as in crazy. Ok, fine. You're mad. What are you mad about? Liz: Impotence. Maria: Is max... Liz: No. I just-- I feel powerless. I don't know if I should pull the plug or what. Maria: Suicide? Liz: please stop. Stop it, ok? i need all of you to stop it so i can take a breath. [Max walks into the diner] Mr. Parker: No, you don't! No, you don't! Max, get out of here. Max: Mr. Parker, I need to speak with you for a second. Mr. Parker: Get out before i throw you out. Liz: Dad. Max: Mr. Parker, I think that if we just talked-- Mr. Parker: I said go. Liz: No, dad. Stop. Max: It's ok. I'm leaving. Liz: I hate you. (to her father) [SCENE_BREAK] [Isabel knocks on the door of the Ramirez house] Isabel: Mrs. Ramirez? Hi. I--i need to talk to your son. Isabel: I'm isabel. Mrs. Ramirez: Come on in. Isabel: Ok. [Jesse and Isabel go into the backyard- they look at the garden] Isabel: This is beautiful Jesse: it's my mom's pride and joy. Isabel: I thought that'd be you. Jesse: No, I don't bend easily enough to her wishes. So we should talk. Isabel: You want to put down those shears first? I don't want to lose you, jesse. Jesse: Isabel, you broke up with me. Isabel: I know. Jesse: Maybe we should go out to dinner tomorrow night. Isabel: Dinner? Jesse: I think we both need to lay our cards on the table. [Max and Michael are playing table soccer, as Isabel knocks] Michael: Come in. It's open. You're going down. (to Max) Isabel: I need to talk to you guys. Michael: All right. Make it quick. I got a big night ahead of me. Max: What's up, iz? Isabel: Ok, I'm just gonna make it simple. And I don't really think it's that big of a deal anyway so, you know, I'm just gonna say it, and you can react. There's--there's someone i want to tell about us. Michael: Well, I'm glad you don't think that's a big deal. Who? Isabel: His name is jesse ramirez. You both know him. He's-- Max: the lawyer who works for dad? Isabel: Yeah. Max: And why do you want to tell him? Isabel: Because we've gotten close. Max: Close? Isabel: Yes, close. Max: Meaning you and he are, uh-- Isabel: involved. Michael: Are you pregnant? Isabel: No. We haven't even slept together. Michael: Has he seen you use your powers? Isabel: No. Michael: Why are we having this conversation? Max: Well, then why do you need to tell him? Isabel: I don't need to. I want to. I want him to know because I want to be honest with him. I love him, and i want him to know me. I don't want to hide. Do you guys know how humiliating this is for me? To have to come here and ask your permission to have an open conversation with my boyfriend? Can you just imagine it for a second and put yourself in my position? Michael: I'm gonna put this as simple as possible. Isabel, I'm happy you have a boyfriend. Congrats. That said, lie about the alien thing. [Michael leaves] Isabel: he's gonna leave, max. If i'm not honest with him, he's gonna leave. Max: How long have you two been, uh... Isabel: 3 months. But I know him. I know him. This is the first time i've ever felt this way. I'm in love with him, and if i lose this, I don't know what the hell i'm doing here on earth. I mean, you have liz, michael has maria. This is the first time i've had someone. Max: Isabel, what if in 3 months from now or even 6 months from now, you two break up? Isabel: We won't. Max: How do you know? Isabel: How did you know to tell liz? I just do. Max: Right now, I'm not so sure it was the best idea to tell liz. It's screwing up her entire life. Isabel: No matter how much it screws up her life, you still have each other. Isn't that the most important thing? Max: Think about jesse, isabel. We agreed not to tell anyone else after alex died because we didn't want to put anyone else at risk. The second you tell jesse, his life changes... Forever. He becomes a part of a secret he didn't ask to be part of. You can't tell him, isabel. For his sake. [Bowling pins crashing] Maria: it's not quite what i had in mind. Michael: I thought you liked their tuna melts. Maria: Yeah, when i'm in a tuna melt kinda mood. Michael: What kind of mood are you in? That's a loaded question. Do you want both barrels now, or should I save one for later in case you forgot to clean the sheets? Michael: Are you joking me?! Maria: Do you even think of me at all? I mean, at all? We've been doing this for 2 years, and just when I think you're getting it, you don't! Michael: Listen-- Voice on PA: Would the owner of the ford festiva please go to the parking lot. Your lights are on. Michael: I'll be right back. [Scene switches to Jesse and Isabel heading to the restaurant] Jesse: Are you cold? Isabel: Yeah. Jesse: Here. (he gives her his coat- she finds a ring in the pocket) Isabel: Oh. Thank you. Jesse: You're welcome. Ok, I'll check on the wait. Be right back. Isabel: Thanks. Jesse: it's a 40-minute wait. It's $1.50 kung pao burrito night. So, listen, there's this new place i've been wanting to try... Isabel: Fine. Jesse: And, uh, it's french. Isabel: What? Jesse: It's the eiffel, as in tower. It's a few blocks up. We can walk. Are you ok? Isabel: Yeah. Let's go. [Back to the bowling alley] Michael: You want anything else? Maria: Yeah. Michael: What? A Maria: nything but this. Voice on PA: Attention, please. Would the owner of the ford festiva please go to the parking lot. Your trunk is wide open and your jack is showing. Michael: I'll be right back. Maria: Where are you going now? Michael: I've gotta hit the head. I think I have a bladder infection or something. Michael: Your jack is showing, man? Fly: Hey, do you want to win this or not? Michael: Yeah. Monk: Hey, how's date night going? Michael: I'll be lucky if she ever talks to me again. Kyle: Oh. These yours? Michael: Hey. How we doing? Kyle: You're losing. Michael: All right. Fly: Final frame, baby. You get a strike we win this mother. Kyle: Right. Like that's gonna happen. Fly: Hey, don't look over there. You don't need none of that psych-out crap, Steve: but if you screw up, I still love you, man. Michael: Thanks. Kyle: Hey, hey. Remember, uh, no alien funny business. Michael: Hey! Back off. [Michael gets a strike and his friends cheer and congratulate him. He turns around and Maria is standing there.] Michael: I double-booked. I made a mistake because I promised the guys, and then i promised you-- Maria: shut up. Michael: Maria-- Maria: shut up. I've got something to say, all right? Michael: ok, let me have it. Maria: All right. The other day at the crashdown, you were there and they were there, and isabel asked me a question which I chose to ignore at the moment. She asked, "is michael laughing," and you were. And I was jealous because I just-- you never laugh like that when you're with me. Michael: I do. Maria: No. Not like that. I've never heard you laugh like that until that moment. Something happened. You got friends, and that's important. Michael: I'm confused. Maria: I'm an idiot 'cause i wanted you all to myself, and that's not right 'cause i've never seen you that happy before, and I love you happy. I love you. Michael: This is ok? Maria: Yes, this is ok. Now you realize you have to take me somewhere to make up for that tuna melt, right? [Liz enters her room, and her mom is waiting there] Liz: Hey, mom. Mrs. Parker: You do know that there's nothing that you can do or think that i haven't done or thought of myself? Liz: Hmm? Mrs. Parker: So if you're thinking of sneaking out tonight, you might want to stay close to home, please. Liz: Ok. Mrs. Parker: Yeah? Liz: Mm-hmm. Does dad know? Mrs. Parker: This is not something he needs to hear about right now. Liz: Is he ok? Mrs. Parker: No. He's going through hell. Liz: Because of me? Mrs. Parker: No. Because of him. Liz: Mom, please tell me what's going on. Please. Mrs. Parker: Come here. When your father was 17, he was trouble-- a hellion, as my parents used to say. Oh, he smoked, he drank, he broke into people's homes... And he had a girlfriend... Before me. He loved her very much, and she was very good for him, and everybody thought that they would end up together. Liz: But they didn'T. Mrs. Parker: And he wrote her the most beautiful poetry. Liz: So what happened? Mrs. Parker: Your dad was driving. He was drunk. There was an accident, and she got killed. And, honey, he's never forgiven himself for that, and I don't think he ever will. Now he is so terrified that he's about to lose the person he loves most in this whole world all over again. [Scene switches to Isabel talking to Alex] Isabel: He's gonna propose. He's gonna tell me either I'm with him forever or he's leaving forever. Alex: And what will you say? Isabel: I don't want to ruin his life. Alex: You didn't ruin my life, isabel. You made me alive. Isabel: I also killed you. Alex: No, you didn't. You didn't kill me, isabel, and you didn't kill grant either. We were victims of circumstance. That's all. And you need to forgive yourself. Isabel: I can'T. Alex: Well, I forgive you, and since I'm part of you, you just did. [Liz goes to talk to her father, who is doing the accounting] Liz: do you need help with those? Mr. Parker: Thanks. Liz: Do you have any poems that i could read? Mr. Parker: What? Liz: Poems. Yours. I would like to read one. Mr. Parker: I, uh, i threw 'em away. It was a long time ago. Liz: Well, maybe you could write a new one. I don't hate you, dad. Mr. Parker: You're the poem, liz. You're the poem. [Scene switches to Jesse and Isabel at dinner] Jesse: isabel-- Isabel: yes. Jesse: This is, uh, so hard for me to say. Isabel: I'm listening. Jesse: Ok. I can't do this anymore. Isabel: Can't do what? Jesse: Be with you like this. I can'T. I can't. Ok? And--and-- there are things that you don't want, and there are things that i do want, and we'd be lying to each other-- I mean, we're lying to each other now, pretending that somehow we're going to fake our way through this, whatever this is... Now. Am i making any sense? Isabel: You want out. But what--what about this? [Isabel pulls out the engagement ring from Jesse's pocket] Jesse: Where did you get that from? Isabel: In your coat. It was in your coat. Are you gonna chicken out now? Here? Jesse: Chicken out? What-- oh, no. Isabel, this is my mother's ring. She asked me to hock it to pay off some debt, and I took it to the jewelers here, but I--i just couldn't do it, and-- Isabel: oh, my god. What is wrong with me? Jesse: You found this in my coat pocket when you were waiting for me outside? Isabel: I'm such an idiot. Oh, I'm such an idiot. Jesse: Ohh. You thought that i was going to-- [jesse laughs] Jesse: no wonder you looked so pale. Isabel: I've never, never felt quite this stupid. Wow. Well... Its a relief I guess? Ha. Jesse: You guess? Isabel: It is. I think. Jesse: Ok. We both came here to lay our cards on the table, right? Jesse: You were right... About 99% of what you said before when you broke up with me. If i stay here in roswell instead of having a big law career, I will be kicking myself for the rest of my life, and it's true. I stayed here the last few months to be with you. Jesse: but there's one thing that you didn't get right. And that's the fact that i would gladly live anywhere and do anything if it meant being with you. Isabel, I've never met anyone like you before, and I've never felt this way about anyone. And so, god, help me, but here goes Jesse: isabel evans... Will you marry me? Isabel: Jesse, i-- I can'T. I really, really want to. I really want to, but I can'T. Jesse: Oh. Isabel: I'm so sorry. Jesse: No. It's ok. I just feel... Really... Stupid. Isabel: I didn't mean for you to-- I-- I think i should just go. Good-bye, isabel. Alex: Go--go to him. Isabel: I can'T. Isabel, will you look at what you're doing to your life? You're stopping it. You're killing it. You're--you're sitting at a table with no one. I'm not really here. You need to move on. You need to move past me, and you need to start now. Isabel: If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him Alex Alex: Wha, thank you thats trully... thanks... now go! [Isabel runs after Jesse and knocks over a table] Isabel: Oh, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, jeez. Oh. Ok. Isabel: Ok. Jesse: What? Isabel: Ok. Ok. Jesse: Ok. What? Isabel: Ok. I want to marry you. Isabel. Isabel: So, if you don't take it too personally that I ust forced you to propose and then said no, I want to marry you because I have never loved anyone the way I love you, because I'm young, and because you don't know everything about me, but you will...eventually- Isabel: Jesse will you just say something here? Jesse: I have only one thing to say which is, just this once, am i allowed to kiss you in public? Isabel: Please do. Jesse: I love you, isabel. [Alex is watching. He waves, and fades away] Isabel: I love you, too, jesse.

With Alex's ghost as her guide, Isabel must finally confront her fears about love and her conflicted feelings for Jesse. Meanwhile, Maria happily discovers a whole new, human part of Michael in, of all places, a bowling alley, and Liz and Max struggle to remain together despite her father's insistent disapproval.

fd_FRIENDS_01x20

fd_FRIENDS_01x20_0

Originally written by Doty Abrams. Transcribed by guineapig. PRE-INTRO SCENE: RACHEL+MONICA'S APARTMENT (ALL PRESENT) CHANDLER: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty. JOEY: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is. ROSS: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy. MONICA: (LOOKING OUT OF WINDOW) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope! ROSS: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us! RACHEL: Oh, that is so sick. CHANDLER: I feel violated. And not in a good way. PHOEBE: How can people do that?... (ALL BUT PHOEBE WALK AWAY FROM THE WINDOW IN DISGUST) Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots! OPENING TITLES SCENE 1: CENTRAL PERK (ALL PRESENT EXCEPT RACHEL) CHANDLER: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games... MONICA: So have you called her yet? CHANDLER: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (THE GIRLS MAKE DISGUSTED NOISES) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (TO THE GUYS) I'm right, right? JOEY+ROSS: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle. MONICA: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people. PHOEBE: Oh, God, just do it! (GETTING PHONE) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney! CHANDLER: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (CALLS HER, THEN HURRIEDLY HANGS UP) I got her machine. JOEY: Her answer machine? CHANDLER: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up. PHOEBE: So, uh, why didn't you say anything? CHANDLER: Oh, no no no no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase 'Yes indeedy-o'. MONICA: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, don't everybody look at once! ROSS: Okay, okay, what's going on? PHOEBE: Okay, they're just talking... ROSS: Yeah, well, does he look upset? Does he look like he was just told to shove anything? PHOEBE: No, no actually, he's smiling.. and... Oh my God, don't do that!! ROSS: What? What? What?! PHOEBE: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon! (ENTER RACHEL) Oh! CHANDLER: (BLUFFING) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law. ALL: Oh!... Right! CHANDLER: Hey Rach! MONICA: How'd it go? RACHEL: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out... PHOEBE: Not a good day for birds... RACHEL: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel... ROSS: That's nice... now, was that before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone, hmm? RACHEL: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice! ROSS: That's, that's nice twice! MONICA: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar? JOEY: Duh, where've you been? RACHEL: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that? (ROSS 'PROMPTS' CHANDLER BY HITTING HIM ON THE ARM) CHANDLER: Yes! RACHEL: Why? CHANDLER: I have my reasons. MONICA: Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman, who just happens to be your ex- best friend? RACHEL: All right. All right all right all right all right, I know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will just put an end to it! (QUICK CUT TO THE POST-COITAL RACHEL AND BARRY IN BARRY'S SURGERY) RACHEL: Wow... Wow! BARRY: Yeah. RACHEL: I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that. BARRY: Nooo, it wasn't. RACHEL: Ooh, and it's so nice having this little sink here... SCENE 2: RACHEL+MONICA'S APARTMENT (ALL PRESENT EXCEPT RACHEL) CHANDLER: (ON PHONE; READING FROM A SCRIPT) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (RATTLES SOME DISHES) Bye bye. (HANGS UP) Oh God! MONICA: THAT's what you've been working on for the past two hours?! CHANDLER: Hey, I've been honing! ROSS: What was with the dishes? CHANDLER: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours. MONICA: (RE WINDOW) Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope! PHOEBE: Oh my God! (WALKS TO WINDOW) Go away! (GESTICULATING) Stop looking in here! MONICA: Great, now he's waving back. JOEY: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff! MONICA: What kinda stuff..? JOEY: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked. PHOEBE: You cook naked? JOEY: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters. (A PAUSE AS THEY LOOK AT CHANDLER) CHANDLER: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that. SCENE 3: BARRY'S SURGERY (RACHEL AND BARRY ARE GETTING DRESSED) BARRY: What's the matter? RACHEL: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good. BARRY: No, it was. It was very very good. RACHEL: Well, what about Mindy? BARRY: Oh, way, way better than Mindy. RACHEL: No, not that, I mean, what about you and Mindy? BARRY: Well, if you want, I'll just- I'll just break it off with her. RACHEL: No. No no no no, no. I mean, don't do that. Not, I mean not for me. BERNICE: (OVER INTERCOM) Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment. BARRY: (INTO INTERCOM) Thanks, Bernice. (TO RACHEL) Let's go away this weekend. RACHEL: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too.. BARRY: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on what would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was really nice. You would've liked it. (PAUSE AS RACHEL REALISES...) RACHEL: I had a bra. (BARRY FINDS IT DRAPED ON A CUPBOARD AND GIVES IT TO RACHEL. THEY KISS. ENTER BOBBY) BOBBY: Hey, Dr. Farber. (RACHEL AND BARRY QUICKLY SPLIT AND PRETEND BARRY IS EXAMINING RACHEL'S MOUTH) BARRY: All right Miss Green, everything looks fine... Yep, I think we're starting to see some real progress here. (BOBBY LOOKS ON, DEADPAN) RACHEL: What?! BOBBY: I'm twelve, I'm not stupid. (RACHEL GIVES HIM A LOOK) SCENE 4: RACHEL+MONICA'S (ENTER CHANDLER CLUTCHING PHONE) CHANDLER: Can I use your phone? MONICA: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone. (CHANDLER DIALS HIS OWN PHONE. IT RINGS) CHANDLER: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back? JOEY: Maybe she never got your message. PHOEBE: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet. CHANDLER: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little... ROSS: ...desperate, needy, pathetic? CHANDLER: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad. (HE CALLS) PHOEBE: How many beeps? CHANDLER: She answered. MONICA: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we talked about. CHANDLER: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy. (ENTER RACHEL) ALL: Hey! Hi! PHOEBE: How'd he take it? RACHEL: Pretty well, actually... (WANDERING INTO KITCHEN) MONICA: (WANDERING IN AFTER HER) Uh, Rach... how come you have dental floss in your hair? RACHEL: Oh, do I? MONICA: Uh huh. RACHEL: (LOW VOICE)....We ended up having s*x in his chair. MONICA: You had s*x in his CHAIR?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I? ROSS: You- you had what? PHOEBE: s*x in his chair. ROSS: What, uh... what were you thinking? RACHEL: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol. ROSS: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol! RACHEL: Please. If she said to you, "Ross, I want you on this couch, right here, right now", what would you say? (ROSS FLOUNDERS) CHANDLER: If it helps, I could slide over. ROSS: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go. PHOEBE: Where are you going? ROSS: (GOING) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay? (EXIT ROSS. A PHONE RINGS. CHANDLER DIVES FOR HIS PHONE) CHANDLER: Hello? Hello? (RACHEL PICKS UP THEIR PHONE.. AND THE RINGING STOPS. AS SHE TALKS ON THE PHONE, AN ELABORATE VISUAL GAG IS SPUN OUT WHICH IS TOO DIFFICULT TO DESCRIBE IN WORDS) RACHEL: Hello? Mindy! Hi! Hey, how are you? Yes, yes, I've heard, congratulations, that is so great. Really? Oh. Okay. Okay, well I'm working tomorrow, but if you want you can, you can, you can come by and... okay... great... great... all right, so I'll, so I'll see you tomorrow! Okay.. okay... bye. (SITS DOWN HEAVILY) Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. CHANDLER: So how's Mindy? RACHEL: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... (DOES SO) Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be! (AD BREAK) SCENE 5: RACHEL AND MONICA'S (MORNING. CHANDLER IS SITTING, STARING AT HIS PHONE) (ENTER MONICA, WHO CREEPS UP NEXT TO CHANDLER) MONICA: Brrrrrrr! (CHANDLER CLUTCHES AT HIS PHONE BEFORE REALISING) CHANDLER: Hell is filled with people like you. (ENTER JOEY) JOEY: He's back! The peeper's back! (ENTER RACHEL FROM HER BEDROOM) JOEY: (DUCKING) Get down! RACHEL: Get down? CHANDLER: ...And boogie! RACHEL: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy. MONICA: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know. RACHEL: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me? I mean, what else is it about? Oh! She was my best friend, you guys! We went to camp together... she taught me how to kiss.. JOEY: (INTRIGUED) Yeah? RACHEL: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so.. JOEY: ..Naughty! RACHEL: Right, I'll see you guys later... JOEY: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and.. were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- (EXIT RACHEL, SLAMMING DOOR IN HIS FACE) That's fine, yeah... (EXIT JOEY) CHANDLER: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone? MONICA: Why don't you just take it with you? CHANDLER: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee? MONICA: Why don't you just call her? CHANDLER: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride. MONICA: Do you? CHANDLER: No! (CALLS) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. Okay. (PUTS DOWN PHONE) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (DOES A LITTLE JIG) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back... MONICA: Don't you have to pee? CHANDLER: 'S'why I'm dancing... SCENE 6: CENTRAL PERK (RACHEL IS SERVING COFFEE. ENTER MINDY) RACHEL: Mindy. MINDY: Hey, you. RACHEL: Hey, you.... So, what's up? MINDY: Um.. we should really be sitting for this. RACHEL: Sure we should... So. MINDY: Now- I know things've been weird lately, but you're like my oldest friend in the world.. except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face. ....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I want a straight answer. RACHEL: Okay. MINDY: Will you be my maid of honour? RACHEL: Of course! MINDY: Oh that's so great! RACHEL: Was that all you wanted to ask me? MINDY: That's all! RACHEL: Ohhhh!! (MINDY STARTS TO SOB) ...What? What? MINDY: That's not all. RACHEL: Oh sure it is! MINDY: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city. RACHEL: Um, what- what would make you think that? MINDY: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel. RACHEL: (DRAWS BACK) Really. Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better, when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird thing too. MINDY: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of! RACHEL: What? What's what you were afraid of? MINDY: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I- kind of- had a little thing on the side. RACHEL: What? MINDY: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel", and- now I feel so stupid. RACHEL: Uh.. Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid. MINDY: What do you mean? RACHEL: (OFFERS HER ARM TO MINDY. SHE SNIFFS) Smell familiar? MINDY: Oh no. RACHEL: Oh, I am so sorry. MINDY: No me, I am so sorry... (THEY HUG. ENTER JOEY) [SCENE_BREAK] JOEY: (WATCHES THEM FOR A WHILE) Oh my. SCENE 7: MONICA AND RACHEL'S (PHOEBE AND ROSS ARE DOING CROSSWORDS. MONICA IS COOKING. CHANDLER IS STILL STARING AT HIS PHONE.) ROSS: Four letters: "Circle or hoop". CHANDLER: Ring dammit, ring! ROSS: Thanks. (ENTER JOEY) JOEY: Hey, you know our phone's not working? CHANDLER: What?! JOEY: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no answer. CHANDLER: (INVESTIGATING) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off! MONICA: Just like you told her you did! (CHANDLER GIVES HER A LOOK) ... Just pointing out the irony. JOEY: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone? CHANDLER: Nngghhh!!!!!!! JOEY: (TO MONICA) Can I use your phone? (ON PHONE) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please. ROSS: "Heating device". PHOEBE: Radiator. ROSS: Five letters. PHOEBE: Rdtor. JOEY: Yeah, is Sidney there? Oh, this is? (TO THE GANG) Sidney's a woman. MONICA: So she's a woman! So what? JOEY: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (TO PHONE) Look, I live across the street, (WALKING TO WINDOW) and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? Yeah, I can see you right now! Hello! If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like- Thank you, but... that's not really the point... The point is that... mostly free weights, but occasionally.. MONICA: Joey!! JOEY: (STILL ON PHONE) Yeah, my neighbour... Yeah, the brunette... (TO MONICA) She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress. MONICA: The green dress? Really? JOEY: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day. MONICA: (WAVES DISMISSIVELY TO SIDNEY) Nooo! (CUT TO BARRY'S SURGERY. BARRY IS PREPARING TOOLS ALONE) (ENTER RACHEL) RACHEL: Hey. Got a second? BARRY: Sure, sure. Come on... (ENTER MINDY) ...in... MINDY: Hello, sweetheart. BARRY: Uh... uh... what're'you... what're'you guys doing here? RACHEL: Uh, we are here to break up with you. BARRY: Both of you? MINDY: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you. BARRY: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry, I'm an idiot, I was weak, I couldn't help myself! Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much! RACHEL: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr? BARRY: ....Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Mindy. RACHEL: Even when we were having s*x in that chair? BARRY: (TO MINDY) I swear, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you. RACHEL: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup! MINDY: (TO RACHEL) You did it twice? RACHEL: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, y'know, 's'Barry. MINDY: Okay... BARRY: (TO MINDY) Sweetheart, just gimme- gimme another chance, okay, we'll start all over again. We'll go back to Aruba. BERNICE: (OVER INTERCOM) Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer. BARRY: Oh God... (TO INTERCOM) I'll be right there, Bernice. (TO MINDY) Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be- I'll be right back. (EXIT BARRY) RACHEL: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels GREAT. MINDY: Yeah... I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him. RACHEL: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock! MINDY: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, DDS. RACHEL: Oh God. MINDY: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. And I hope you'll still be my maid of honour...? RACHEL: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba. SCENE 8: MONICA AND RACHEL'S (JUST MONICA AND RACHEL) MONICA: You okay? RACHEL: Yeah. MONICA: Really? RACHEL: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. And now I know. MONICA: Aww... (THEY HUG) (ENTER JOEY, WHO LOOKS ON APPROVINGLY) JOEY: Big day. CLOSING CREDITS SCENE: CENTRAL PERK (ALL PRESENT) JOEY: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat... PHOEBE: You know he's gay? ROSS: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut? (ENTER DANIELLE) DANIELLE: Chandler? CHANDLER: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody. ALL: Hi. Hi. CHANDLER: What are you doing here? DANIELLE: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down here, and make sure you were okay. CHANDLER: ...I'm, I'm okay. DANIELLE: Listen uh, maybe we could get together later? CHANDLER: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever... DANIELLE: You got it. CHANDLER: Okay. DANIELLE: G'bye, everybody. ALL: Bye. PHOEBE: Whoo-hoo! MONICA: Yeah, there you go! ROSS: Second date! CHANDLER: ...I dunno. RACHEL: You DON'T KNOW? CHANDLER: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that? (THEY ALL GROAN AND HIT HIM.)

Rachel and Barry secretly see each other, even though he is now engaged to Mindy, who asks Rachel to be her maid of honor. When Mindy says she and Barry had an affair while Rachel was engaged to Barry, Rachel finally confesses to Mindy that she has been sleeping with Barry; the two women confront him, though Mindy still wants to marry Barry. Meanwhile, Chandler goes nuts when a woman he likes does not return his phone calls, later realizing there was a mix-up. The friends become annoyed after discovering someone across the street is spying on them.

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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x20_0

THE ENEMY OF THE WORLD by DAVID WHITAKER first broadcast - 13th January 1968 running time - 23mins 46secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. SALAMANDER'S OFFICE SALAMANDER: But I tell you... I must get back to Research Centre. You will come with me. BRUCE: It was you! Or... someone like you. [SCENE_BREAK] 2. KENT'S OFFICE DOCTOR: Patience, Mister Kent, patience. KENT: Astrid should have been in contact by now. DOCTOR: Oh, perhaps her plan to infiltrate into Salamander's organisation has failed. KENT: Ah, no, otherwise Benik's little visit here wouldn't have been so moderate. He wouldn't have stopped at breaking up the crockery. DOCTOR: Can't you contact her? KENT: If I knew where she was. Oh no, I know she's in the Central European Zone, but that's a big place. No, we'll just have to sweat it out and wait. DOCTOR: But your friend Benik did indicate we weren't entirely welcome here, you know. KENT: Yes, it's not safe, ah, and taking you from place to place isn't easy. And I mean, you're er, not exactly inconspicuous, are you? DOCTOR: Ah, thank you. Well, I suggest we give her another hour, and then if she doesn't contact us by then, we'll move out and find out what has happened. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. OUTSIDE (ASTRID arrives. She keys the intercom.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. KENT'S OFFICE KENT: Astrid, you're back. Switch to scramble. ASTRID: (On intercom.) Scramble? Are we being monitored? KENT: ... ASTRID: Right. Switching now. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. RESEARCH CENTRE BENIK: Has Leader Salamander's ship arrived at the terminal? GUARD: I think it's due now, sir. BENIK: Good. Contact the guard. And I want the girl Astrid Ferrier traced, she's Giles Kent's assistant. I'll have an identiprint sent down immediately. She's somewhere in this zone. GUARD: Yes sir. BENIK: Tell the captain to inform me the moment he's found her, and to hurry. GUARD: Sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. OUTSIDE KENT'S OFFICE KENT: (On intercom.) Denes dead? ASTRID: Yes, shot in the back. KENT: Well, it looks as if our friend Salamander's had a field day, doesn't it? ASTRID: I'm afraid I haven't done very well. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. KENT'S OFFICE KENT: Don't worry. It's not your fault. Look, stay put and we'll join you. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. OUTSIDE (FARIAH approaches the doorway. ASTRID turns.) FARIAH: Oh! ASTRID: You! What are you doing here? No, don't be foolish. (ASTRID has FARIAH in a hold.) ASTRID: What are you doing here? FARIAH: I can't talk, you're choking me. ASTRID: One move, just one move... FARIAH: You think Salamander sent me here? ASTRID: Well, didn't he? FARIAH: No it was my own idea. I came here to see Giles Kent. ASTRID: Why? FARIAH: I have some information for him. ASTRID: Why should you want to help him? FARIAH: Because I hate Salamander probably even more than you do. I can help you to destroy him. I want to be there to see his face when he dies. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. RESEARCH CENTRE BENIK: Come on, come on. About time too. Is the captain there? GUARD: Yes sir. CAPTAIN: (On videophone.) Here sir. The girl Astrid Ferrier, she was in the Central European Zone. BENIK: Was she? Well she's here now. Have you found her? CAPTAIN: I think so. One of my men saw someone answering her description going into Giles Kent's office earlier. BENIK: Was she alone? CAPTAIN: Yes, sir. But shortly after someone else followed her in. BENIK: Well who, man, who? CAPTAIN: Leader Salamander's food taster sir, Fariah. BENIK: Fariah? Right, I want the place surrounded, and I'll join you there. Get a move on! CAPTAIN: Yes sir. BENIK: (To himself.) Fa-ri-ah... [SCENE_BREAK] 10. KENT'S OFFICE DOCTOR: But what are they going to do to Jamie and Victoria? ASTRID: I don't know. KENT: Hold them in the Central European zone until Salamander has time to deal with them. FARIAH: No. You're wrong. Salamander doesn't care for loose ends. He brought them back with him. DOCTOR: What, to his headquarters, the Research Centre? FARIAH: Yes. He's going to try to get information from them. DOCTOR: How far will he go to get it? FARIAH: Very far. DOCTOR: Oh, that's very comforting. FARIAH: I tell you I know Salamander. DOCTOR: Yes, I... I'm not quite clear about your part in all this. You work for Salamander, suddenly you fall over yourselves to betray him. FARIAH: I came here for that purpose, yes. DOCTOR: Why? FARIAH: Because I have every reason to hate Salamander. He blackmailed me into being his personal servant. I even had to smile when he told me to. KENT: What sort of blackmail? What had you done? FARIAH: Does it really matter? DOCTOR: Oh, no no no of course not my dear. Well nobody's perfect, Kent. But I... I still can't help wondering why... FARIAH: ...why I hadn't tried to expose Salamander? DOCTOR: Well you were in a unique position to do so. FARIAH: Because without any proof I'd be wasting my time. DOCTOR: Proof! Proof! Proof! It always comes back to the same thing. No one has any evidence against Salamander! KENT: We have some. DOCTOR: Not enough! It's not enough! Salamander covers up too well. FARIAH: I have what you want. ASTRID: But I thought that you said... FARIAH: No. Not about me. Fedorin. ASTRID: Fedorin? A public embezzler who commits suicide? FARIAH: Salamander engineered nearly every one of those swindles, and I can prove it. ASTRID: How? (She produces a file.) FARIAH: Fedorin's file. DOCTOR: But that's wonderful! Let me see. I'll give it to you back. Thank you. (He inspects the documents.) DOCTOR: Oh. Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. OUTSIDE KENT'S OFFICE GUARD: Report your position, A-three. CAPTAIN: Keep well back sir. BENIK: Is the building surrounded? GUARD: A-three's in position, Captain. CAPTAIN: Just closing up the gaps. BENIK: Well you haven't brought me here on a fool's errand, I hope? CAPTAIN: Still inside sir. BENIK: Where's Kent's office? CAPTAIN: Up on the second floor. BENIK: Hmm, right. We'll move in. CAPTAIN: Just a moment, sir. (To Guard.) What about the roof? GUARD: No reply yet, Captain. Position A-five, position... BENIK: Come on, come on... [SCENE_BREAK] 12. KENT'S OFFICE DOCTOR: But I'm afraid this... this still isn't evidence, it's... it's not real evidence. KENT: You mean even this doesn't convince you about Salamander? DOCTOR: Oh, I'm not saying that. ASTRID: Well then you'll do it? You'll impersonate him? FARIAH: And of course when they see you with me they're bound to think you're Salamander. DOCTOR: But I... I still don't know if I can carry it off. KENT: It's the only way to get your friends released. DOCTOR: (Thinking.) Yesss... KENT: Of course, there are... DOCTOR: Oh I see, yes of course, there are conditions, aren't there? You help me, I defeat Salamander? KENT: Now look, you're giving me the biggest opportunity I'll ever have of ridding the world of this monster. Either I can convince you one way, or I'll have to do it another. DOCTOR: What you really want me to do is to kill him, isn't it? KENT: What else do you do when someone is evil? DOCTOR: Private justice, eh? Oh no, no. I'll expose him, ruin him, have him arrested, but I won't be his executioner. No one has that right. KENT: Sometimes it's necessary. DOCTOR: No. KENT: Yes, Doctor yes! When the inducement is strong enough, and in your case yes, do you still want your friends out of danger? DOCTOR: You can't bargain with people's lives like that! KENT: I can. Either you get rid of Salamander, or we won't lift a finger to help your friends. FARIAH: (Looking out of the window.) Mister Kent, look. KENT: I'd make up my mind quickly if I were you. DOCTOR: Why? KENT: Have a look out of the window. DOCTOR: Well, what is it? [SCENE_BREAK] 13. OUTSIDE KENT'S OFFICE GUARD: A-five reporting in, Captain. Every man's in position now. CAPTAIN: Right, we'll move in. BENIK: Tell all men to shoot on sight. CAPTAIN: I can't accept responsibility like that, sir. BENIK: You won't have any responsibility unless you do as I say. These people are terrorists. Give the order! CAPTAIN: All 'A' positions, shoot on sight. BENIK: Forward! [SCENE_BREAK] 14. KENT'S OFFICE KENT: No doubt of it, they're security men. FARIAH: And they're closing in. DOCTOR: Well isn't there another way out of here? KENT: The usual ways will be blocked. ASTRID: The fire escape. KENT: Up there, look! (He sees a man on the roof.) DOCTOR: One down there, too. FARIAH: What do we do now? KENT: Over here, quick! DOCTOR: Well what's that? (Outside, the security men attack the door.) KENT: Through here, the ventilator shaft. ASTRID: Giles, let's go. FARIAH: Wait. The files. KENT: Come on, quick. DOCTOR: But where did it go? KENT: It doesn't matter, come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. OUTSIDE KENT'S DOOR CAPTAIN: It's locked. BENIK: Wait! Why don't you just let us in, it'll save so much unpleasantness. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. KENT'S OFFICE KENT: Now look just relax and you won't feel a thing. Now you, Doctor, next. BENIK: (OOV.) Kent! Open the door. DOCTOR: Oh what about you? ASTRID: Oh no, you're too important. You go, and Giles. I'll follow. KENT: All right. BENIK: (OOV.) Very well... [SCENE_BREAK] 17. OUTSIDE KENT'S DOOR BENIK: ...you leave me no alternative. Break it down. (The guards begin battering the door.) BENIK: Get back! [SCENE_BREAK] 18. KENT'S OFFICE ASTRID: Get away from that door! BENIK: (Outside.) Can't you hear me in there? Why don't you come out? ASTRID: I can hear you. (She makes her exit.) BENIK: How long do you think you can hold out against us? [SCENE_BREAK] 19. OUTSIDE THE DOOR BENIK: Standing by? SOLDIER: A-five. Progress? BENIK: Well? GUARD: He's outside the window now, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. STREET (The DOCTOR, KENT, ASTRID and FARIAH emerge outside. The guards waiting there open fire.) BENIK: He's through, Sergeant, smash that lock. (The guards continue firing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. KENT'S OFFICE BENIK: Well? Well? CAPTAIN: Empty. BENIK: The air ducts. They've disappeared from the air conditioning plant. Is there a manhole that could let them out to the street? GUARD: I don't know, sir. BENIK: Well find out!! CAPTAIN: On the double! Attention all 'A' positions. Cover street. Send to the air conditioning plant. BENIK: Tell your men to shoot to kill!!! CAPTAIN: Shoot to kill, repeat shoot to kill. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. STREET (The DOCTOR, KENT and ASTRID have got away. The guards shoot at FARIAH.) FARIAH: Stop! CAPTAIN: What do you think you're doing? GUARD: We had orders to kill. CAPTAIN: Do you always obey orders? GUARD: I'm sorry, Captain. CAPTAIN: Oh, never mind. Go and search for the others. GUARD: (To FARIAH.) I'm sorry. You should have stopped. BENIK: Did you get the others? GUARD: Not yet, sir. BENIK: Now listen to me. It was you, Astrid Ferrier, Giles Kent and another. Who was the other man? FARIAH: (Weakly.) You'll know soon... soon enough. BENIK: I want to know now. GUARD: Sir... BENIK: Shut up! (To FARIAH.) Well? FARIAH: (Weakly.) You can't threaten me now, Benik. I can only die once. And someone's beaten you to it. BENIK: Who was the other man? GUARD: Sir? CAPTAIN: She's dead. BENIK: Good. (The guard has found some documents.) BENIK: Fedorin's file. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. SALAMANDER'S OFFICE, LATER SALAMANDER: What you mean is you failed. BENIK: I always said something should be done about Kent. SALAMANDER: You always say. You say things, but you don't think. BRUCE: You exceeded your authority, Benik. A woman's been killed. BENIK: Resisting arrest. BRUCE: Maybe. But you can't just take the law into your own hands. Giles Kent hadn't broken any rules that I know of. BENIK: For sure he'd show himself one day, he was simply building up his resistance group. SALAMANDER: Resistance group! The man's a traitor. These people are rebels. Bruce, you must find this man who impersonated me. The dangers are obvious. He could walk in anywhere at any time pretending to be me and ruin everything. BRUCE: You can leave that to me. SALAMANDER: How so? BRUCE: Benik, come with me and I'll go over the security arrangements with you now. SALAMANDER: Do as you're told! BENIK: I think you'll find this interesting. (He hands FEDORIN's file to SALAMANDER.) SALAMANDER: What? The girl Fariah had this? What can I say? (BENIK follows BRUCE out. SALAMANDER keys the intercom.) GUARD: Yes sir? SALAMANDER: The records room is out of bounds. I am not to be disturbed. See that the security locks are engaged. GUARD: Very well, sir. For how long, sir? SALAMANDER: For as long as I say so. GUARD: Yes sir. (An intermittent buzzer sounds. The door opens to the Records room. SALAMANDER enters. The door closes behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. RECORDS ROOM (Another door opens. It is an elevator. SALAMANDER enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. ELEVATOR (SALAMANDER operates a control and the elevator descends.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. RESEARCH CENTRE BRUCE: Are you telling me that no one, no one at all can see Salamander? GUARD: No one, sir. BRUCE: Can you communicate with him on closed circuit? GUARD: I'll try, sir. He's turned off the master switch. Sorry, sir. BENIK: Get on with the security details. What's the matter now? BRUCE: It seems that Salamander's locked himself away and can't be got at. BENIK: So? BRUCE: Well, suppose the place caught fire? BENIK: It won't. BRUCE: Don't be foolish! BENIK: Look, I can only tell you that when Salamander works in records, as he does from time to time, no one is allowed in. BRUCE: I can understand if it were a... er... a... laboratory or... a... research room of some sort, but a... a records room? What sort of records have you got in there anyway? BENIK: What did you want to see him about? BRUCE: Never mind. I just don't like mysteries. Salamander's far too important to lock himself away like this, anything might happen, a world emergency. Suppose I had to order you to let me in there? BENIK: It wouldn't do any good. When the locks are switched over they can only be opened from the inside. [SCENE_BREAK] 27. UNDERGROUND (SALAMANDER emerges from the elevator onto a platform overlooking a large chamber. His voice sounds over the PA.) SALAMANDER: I have returned. Take radiation precautions. I will make a report about the surface. SWANN: He's back! COLIN: He's managed to get back again. SWANN: Let's hope he's got some good news this time. COLIN: Do you think Salamander's found some more food, Swann? SWANN: I hope so, otherwise we're finished. Where's that stock list? COLIN: Here. SWANN: Thank you. MARY: Are you going to ask him? COLIN: You bet I am. He'll take me too. MARY: Colin, I couldn't sleep a wink last night thinking about you making the trip. None of the others have come back. COLIN: Don't stop me now. I've got to see the surface, Mary, I've got to. I want to see the Sun again, walk on top of the Earth, not hide like a rat underground. I've got to do it, Mary, I've got to ask him. MARY: Yes. (COLIN approaches SALAMANDER.) SWANN: Welcome back, Salamander. Are you all right? SALAMANDER: Don't, don't come too near my friend, I am not yet decontaminated. I am too weary, totally weary. SWANN: You shouldn't have made this trip, Salamander, you're doing too much. SALAMANDER: Someone has to bring back the food for you, my friend, huh? You know that the radiation is slowly killing me, don't you Swann? SWANN: You're just doing too much. SALAMANDER: I worry about you all the time. What're you going to do when I am no longer here? (He goes to the radiation meter.) SALAMANDER: Radiation gets a little more each time, hm? One day, that needle will stay at maximum radiation. MARY: Don't say that. SALAMANDER: Why Mary. Colin. Huh, it's my big joke, huh? Just to frighten you a little. I've got good news for us! COLIN: We can return to the surface? SALAMANDER: No no no not yet, but I've found another store of food... COLIN: Thank goodness! SALAMANDER: ...it is undamaged. Colin, open the last store of wine, huh? Go on, you help him too, Mary. SWANN: You must take it slowly for goodness sake. SALAMANDER: I'm all right my friend. I'm just a little dizzy. It's... it's terrible up there, you know, Swann, you've no idea. Right, I am ready. (SALAMANDER moves to address the inhabitants of the shelter. They applaud.) SALAMANDER: Here we are, my friends. Please, no. It is enough that I am back with you again and I have brought food for you. Plenty of food. (They cheer.) SWANN: Who can try...? SALAMANDER: Please Swann. I remembered on my way back down here that we are near our anniversary again. In a few short weeks we survivors will have been down in this shelter for exactly five years. CROWD: Five years... SALAMANDER: Colin and Mary were... were just teenagers then. Look at them now. We fed ourselves. But what's more than that, we are fighting back! We are doing something! CROWD: Yes! Yes! COLIN: Will we return to the surface, Salamander? SALAMANDER: Yes, of course we will, this is what I am striving for, but up there it's terrible still. The war goes on and on. You never know when the air is clean or when it's poison. COLIN: When can we return? SALAMANDER: We have to... to fight for a while longer, hmm? Creating natural disasters, monsoons, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, always in the places where the enemies of truth and freedom gather together. (The crowd voice their approval.) COLIN: You tell us this all the time, Salamander. When are we going to escape from this nightmare prison, that's all I'm asking you? MARY: Colin, please. COLIN: I want an answer! SALAMANDER: You shall have an answer, my friend. You will return to the surface when you have a good chance of survival. No no it's alright, but you must believe me. Colin, all of you... you cannot return to the surface until it's safe to do so. Please my friend, we must... we must... MARY: He's doing his best. COLIN: I can't help it Mary. Next time I'm going to make him take me with him. MARY: No. You know the others didn't come back. COLIN: I've got to. MARY: Then take me with you. I'd rather die with you up on the surface than live down here without you. SALAMANDER: No, Swann. We must check the power levels, huh? SWANN: Alright, everyone to their places please. Salamander wants to check the power levels. Come along there, come on. Full blast, that's right. Check the meter levels... Full power on line one, Salamander. SALAMANDER: Oh, good, good. SWANN: No faults indicated. SALAMANDER: Excellent. [SCENE_BREAK] 28. KENT'S CARAVAN DOCTOR: But I still don't understand what's happened to Fariah. KENT: She went the wrong way. We lost her. DOCTOR: Well we must find her! You don't seem to realize how vital it is. ASTRID: Doctor, hold still a moment will you? DOCTOR: Sorry. ASTRID: There. Look at that, Giles, isn't it amazing? KENT: Salamander to the life. DOCTOR: (Looking at his reflection.) Yes, it's... it's not bad. ASTRID: Shh, I think I heard something. DOCTOR: Well perhaps it's Fariah. (BRUCE enters, accompanied by a security guard.) BRUCE: Stay where you are. I've been looking forward to meeting you again.

Fariah brings the Doctor and Kent evidence of Salamander's activities but then they come under attack from Benik.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x04

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x04_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] QUINN: I saw you. CLAY: You saw what? What's the matter? QUINN: I saw you buying drugs, Clay. You've been lying to me this entire time. MICRO: You've been shrinking my shirts, haven't you? MILLICENT: No, Marvin! Nobody shrunk your shirts! You're fat! Fat, fat, fat! CHASE: I want you to live here, with me. CHRIS: Hey. I thought you left. ALEX: I want to take that tour. WOMAN: Is that Dan Scott? HALEY: Yes. WOMAN: How could you allow that man to work for you? He's a murderer! HALEY: I really don't think that's any of your business. Now get out. NATHAN: When I come back, you need to be gone. DAN: I understand. JAMIE: Grandpa Dan. I was worried. I thought maybe you were leaving, too. DAN: Don't worry, Jamie. I'm not going anywhere. JULIAN: Hey, baby. BROOKE: Well, the daycare called and said you never dropped Davis off. HOPITAL Julian is worried, Brooke arrives and passes away on him. CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn enters in the house and calls Clay. QUINN: Clay? Clay, are you home? STREET Clay sees a dealer of drugs in his car. IN FRONT OF KAREN'S CAFE Haley gets out and sees a panel on the other cafe. NALEY'S HOUSE Dan and Jamie camp in the backyard. JAMIE: I like camping in the backyard. Do you think dad will stay out here with me? DAN: I think that's a pretty safe bet. JAMIE: Did you guys ever go camping? DAN: No, we never got the chance. JAMIE: Maybe when he gets home, the three of us can. DAN: you miss him, huh? JAMIE: Yeah. He'll be home soon, though. DAN: Yeah. HOSPITAL Brooke is sitting near Julian in the waiting room. BROOKE: What happened? JULIAN: I don't know. I... I forgot. I just... forgot. NURSE: Mr. and Mrs. Baker, Davis is ready for release, if you can come with me. Mr. Baker, the police have a few more questions for you. JULIAN: Go ahead. Take him home. I'll see you there. STREET Quinn comes in to talk to the dealer. QUINN: Hey. DEALER: Hey, baby. Did you need something? QUINN: Yeah, I need you to stop selling to my boyfriend, or I'm going to the cops. DEALER: You know, when you first walked up, I thought you was a whore. Now I'm sure you're a stupid whore. Are you sure you want to threaten me? QUINN: Aah! DEALER: Because I am not very good with threats. QUINN: Get off of me! Get off! (Clay saves her) CLAY: Hey! CLAY: What the hell are you doing? Get out of here. You go home! Ugh! QUINN: Oh, my God. Clay! Clay! DEALER: The next time you or this bitch come at me, I will kill you, and then I will set you on fire. Are we clear? QUINN: Oh, my God. Are you okay? CLAY: What the hell were you thinking?! You could have got us killed! QUINN: I was trying to help you. CLAY: I don't need your help! (Quinn cries) BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke is with Davis in his bedroom. Julian joins them. JULIAN: Is he okay? BROOKE: He's all right. JULIAN: I'm sorry. I-I don't know how this happened. I was... I was stressed about the meeting and... Just wasn't thinking. (Jude crying) BROOKE: I got him. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay and Quinn comes back. They argue. QUINN: Clay, listen to me. CLAY: I told you I don't want your help. QUINN: Look, you're in trouble. Can't you see that? We need to figure this out! CLAY: The only thing I need is for you to back off. QUINN: Back off?! You're telling me to back off? CLAY: I just had a gun pointed at me, thanks to you! So I'm not in the best mood! QUINN: Don't you dare blame me! You're the one with the drug problem. CLAY: You're right. This is my problem, not yours, so let me help you out.You don't have to worry about me or about any of this anymore. As a matter of fact, you should probably go! QUINN: Clay... CLAY: I asked you to leave! I don't need you here, Quinn! QUINN: You don't mean that. CLAY: You're right. It's not that I don't need you here... It's that I don't want you here! Get out! CHASE'S LOFT Chase wakes up and sees woman's clothes around the bed. The girl is still here. TARA: Good morning. CHASE: Wow. Hi. Morning. I'm chase. I mean, I'm sure you know that. But, um... In case you didn't, I'm... TARA: Chase? CHASE: Yeah. Got it. Wow, you're such a nerd. Don't know how I feel about being called a nerd while I'm naked. TARA: Well... how do you feel about this? CHASE: I feel...Pretty... good about it. But... you need to stop, because, although what you were just doing was... Really pretty great and you're... Well, you're just very sexy, I... I just got out of a relationship, and I'm kind of... TARA:I know. You told me about Alex like 10 times last night... In between my 10. CHASE: 10 times? TARA: Maybe 11. CHASE: Hmm. Oh. Okay. Well, um, that's pretty amazing... And slightly unheard of, and so what I'm about to say is... really hard. I don't want to sound like an ass, but I'm not looking for anything serious. TARA: Neither am I. I left my number in your phone. It's under "n"...For "not Alex." MOUTH'S APARTMENT Skills is back. SKILLS: Honey, I'm home! MILLICENT: Skills. Hey. You're back. SKILLS: Are you and mouth fighting? MILLICENT: No. Well... yes. Sort of. I mean, I wouldn't really call it fighting. It's more of me being concerned about something and Marvin not being as concerned. And... This couch is surprisingly comfortable, so... (Mouth joins them) MOUTH: We had a fight. She wouldn't sleep by me. What? SKILLS: Damn, Dawg. You fat. Whoo! NALEY'S HOUSE Haley gives eat to Lydia, Quinn arrives. HALEY: My baby want a biscuit? Hmm? Oh, look who's here! It's aunt Quinnie bear!Hey. You don't look so good. QUINN: Yeah, uh, I was driving around all night. HALEY: Why? QUINN: It's Clay. HALEY: What happened? QUINN: He's doing drugs. HALEY: What?! QUINN: Yeah. HALEY: Quinn, are you sure? QUINN: Uh, between his confession and the gun I had pointed at my face last night, yeah, I'm sure. HALEY: Oh, my God. QUINN: I went inside, and... and he was gone. And I was... I was worried something terrible happened to him, so I went to his drug dealer, and I confronted him. HALEY: You what?! You have to call the police. QUINN: What if they throw Clay in jail? I can't have this get any worse. Hales, I don't know what to do. Okay? He wants me to give up on him, but I-I won't give up on him. HALEY: Okay, well, come here. First of all, it's gonna be okay, and we're gonna get him some help. We'll figure this out. QUINN: Just don't tell Nathan, okay? Not yet. (Dan hears the conversation) BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian wakes up and sees Brooke and the kids aren't here. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan talks with his family by web-cam. NATHAN(at web-cam): Look what daddy get you, Lydia. Mirna moose. Say "moose." HALEY: Aww! Can you say "moose"? Moose. Oh, I miss you, Nathan Scott. NATHAN(at web-cam): I miss you, too. HALEY: I can't wait to see you. Come home soon so I can kiss that handsome face. NATHAN(at web-cam): I will. What do we say? Bye, Lydia. I'll see you tonight, baby. HALEY: Bye, daddy! Bye, daddy! Jamie and Dan camps again in the backyard. JAMIE: I hope oats & o's is okay. Mom only gets the healthy stuff. So, I just talked to dad. He's coming home tonight. Does that mean you're gonna have to go? Where will you stay? DAN: Maybe in that tent. JAMIE: Sounds like a pretty good idea. MORNING SHOW Mouth and Millie start the show. MILLICENT: Morning, Tree Hill. It's a sunshiny day, and we've got a very special treat for you. And by "treat," I don't mean 15-minute casseroles. MOUTH: But don't worry. You can catch that segment, along with some easy recipes, online. MILLICENT: But who cares about casserole when we get to talk to the person responsible for some of Hollywood's most exciting sports sequences. Please welcome our dear friend Antwon Taylor. (Skills arrives) MOUTH: So, now, Antwon, now, you've just returned from working on a big basketball movie. Why don't you tell everybody a little bit about what you do? SKILLS: Okay, well, I'm a sports choreographer. And basically what I do is, I come up with all the plays that look good on film. People say that I'm the Mike McCarthy or Phil Jackson of all the sports scenes in movies. MOUTH: People say that? SKILLS: No. MILLICENT: Antwon, you must have to be in really good shape. SKILLS: Yeah, I mean, it helps to be, because I... MOUTH: He's not a personal trainer. He's a choreographer. SKILLS: Oh, yeah, that's right. MILLICENT: But you must have to work out a ton so that you can demonstrate for your actors what you need them to do. SKILLS: Yeah. MOUTH: He just needs to know the sport, Millie. MILLICENT: I'm only suggesting he's in good shape, Marvin. MOUTH: And nobody's disagreeing with you, Millie, but it's not what we were talking about. SKILLS: I think what we're talking about is your weight. Millie said her viewers did agree with her that, uh, you could shed a few pounds. MOUTH: Well, that's her fan base. My fan base disagrees. SKILLS: Yeah, you know what, Millie? That was kind of messed up... How you called your boy fat on TV. I mean, how would you feel if you became hungry hippo and mouth called you out on a TV show? I'm thinking pretty bad. Plus, you know, mouth would get fired if he ever called you fat. 'Cause people would lose they minds. I'm just saying. So... what else is going on besides mouth getting fat? CLUB TRIC Chris comes all happy and upsets Chase. CHRIS: Yo! Whoo! So, did you wear her ass out or what? CHASE: Stop talking, please. CHRIS: Come on! Chris Keller needs visuals. What was her name? CHASE: "Not Alex." CHRIS: Dude, you got to let that go, man. CHASE: No, she's... never mind. I can't remember anything that happened. CHRIS: Classy. CHASE: Yeah. I was hoping you'd be able to tell me something. CHRIS: Can't. Chris Keller crashed early. But you did text me that you love me like a brother and that you met a girl who was like an exotic flower in a cluster of blue-moon, ice-cream-colored carnations. Like I could make that up. Dude, please tell me you got her number. CHASE: Yeah. CHRIS: Boom! Can you call her? Just hit her up, please. I want to meet this exotic flower. Okay. Okay. Well, Chris Keller's gonna go, then. I got platinum to produce. PARK Dan is sitting near Clay's dealer. DEALER(at phone):Yeah. Yeah. Dimitri, I got it, all right? (He hangs up) DAN: My grandkids play in this park. DEALER: Yeah, let me guess... The two ugly kids. DAN: You had a run-in with my family last night... The girl and her boyfriend. DEALER: Yeah, well, you know all kinds of losers, don't you? Why don't you get up, man? [ Chuckles ] DAN: You ever check out that park in Pickerington? DEALER: No. DAN: You should. That's not a suggestion. DEALER: Look. The people I roll with... They could erase you, man. DAN: Yeah, maybe. But before they do, you'll be dead. DEALER: Is that a threat?! 'Cause I don't do so good with threats! Get up. DAN: Relax. It's not a threat... It's a promise. If I catch you near my family again, I'll kill you. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke tells what was happened with Davis. BROOKE: It could have been really bad, Haley. If nobody had noticed Davis, it could have been really bad. You know, I understand... Forgetting your phone or your keys or forgetting to turn off the curling iron, but your own baby? Who depends on you for everything? HALEY: Brooke, the important thing to remember is that Davis is okay.He looks like he's more than okay. BROOKE: I know. I know. Hey, can I ask why Dan has been around? I mean, isn't Nathan gonna be really mad? HALEY: Yeah, it's just... It's temporary. He... he needed help for a little while. BROOKE: We're gonna have to so something about that stupid sign. STREET Julian goes to see his car where Davis was. TREE HILL CAFE Mouth and skills lunch. SKILLS: I would hate to be that stack. MOUTH: We're doing a segment called "perfect pancakes," and I heard this place can serve them up. SKILLS: Mm-hmm. MOUTH: Dude, the ratings are huge. I have a responsibility to the show... To my fans, you know? We got to keep the ratings big. SKILLS: Yeah, well, you keep on buttering that stack like that, you're gonna be bigger than the ratings. Look, let me ask you a question. How is it that you can leave your job in Omaha for Millie, but you can't take care of your health for her? It's not fair. Brooke and Haley enters in the cafe and boys eating. BROOKE: Seriously? MOUTH: Um, the food was free? SKILLS: That's part of the problem right there. BROOKE: I just... not now. HALEY: Excuse me. I... WAITRESS: Welcome to Tree Hill caf . I'll be happy to help you in one sec. If you could just hop in line. BROOKE: Mm. I cannot believe those two. Have they never heard of loyalty? WAITRESS; Hi, ladies! What can I get for you? HALEY: Hi. I was wondering if you could remove the slanderous sign that's hanging outside of your building. The one that says "Karen's caf hires murderers." WAITRESS: I can't. The owner wanted it up. BROOKE: Listen... I've had a really bad week, and I'm a little thin on patience, so either you go take that sign down, or I'm gonna climb up there, rip it down, and shove it up your owner's... HALEY: Okay, I would really appreciate it if you could tell your owner that we'll be in touch. WAITRESS: Sure. Free mini-muffin? BROOKE: Oh, and choke on stale dog crap? No, but thank you. Come on, babies. (To Skills and Mouth) drop your forks. Drop 'em! Let's go. HALEY: Just go! CLUB TRIC Chris comes in. CHRIS: Dude, did you text "not Alex" yet? CHASE: Nope. CHRIS: Weak, man! CHASE: I mean, she's pretty cool and... really hot. But... I'm not sure I'm ready. CHRIS: Dude, are you on your period? (Tara comes in) TARA: Hi, baby. CHRIS: Well, how's Chris Keller's lady doing? Mmm. GARAGE The mechanic finished to repair Julian's car. MECHANIC: Hey, man. Car's ready. It's like nothing ever happened. (Julian brokes the glass) JULIAN: an you fix it again? I'll wait. PLAGE Clay walks in the sea and Dan comes to him. DAN: How many times do we have to do this before you stop being a jackass?! CLAY: What the hell are you doing?! DAN: Do you realize you put my family in danger?! Jamie and Lydia play in that park, the one where you buy your drugs! My son's your partner, and you're a junkie! (Dan puts Clay in the water) CLAY: I'm not doing drugs! DAN: No?! Then why are you buying them?! CLAY: I don't remember! DAN: You don't remember or are too stoned to? CLAY: I don't remember! I don't remember! I lied! DAN: Lied? Why?! CLAY: Because I didn't want to scare Quinn, all right? I don't remember how I got there. I can't remember how I got home! I can't remember anything. (Quinn sees that) DAN: Well, fix it before someone gets hurt. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay and Quinn talks. QUINN: Why didn't you tell me the truth? CLAY: Because I don't know what's happening, and I didn't want to scare you. QUINN: The only thing that scares me is the thought of you shutting me out. I just want you to be okay. CLAY: More than anything, I want to tell you that I will be... But I can't, 'cause I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, the sleepwalking... I-it's happening during the day. You know, one minute, I'm somewhere, and the next minute, I come out of it, and I'm Miles away from where I started, and I don't remember any of it. I'm gonna get help. QUINN: Listen to me. You're gonna be okay. I need you to believe that, 'cause I do, and I'm never gonna stop. CLUB TRIC Chris is still at Tric with Tara. CHRIS: Chase, buddy, uh, two more slippery nipples. CHASE: Um, I thought you had platinum records to produce. CHRIS: Oh, Chris Keller needs some inspiration. Hey, uh, come tell Tara about that hot chick you made sweet, sweet monkey love to last night. Is she showing up here or what? Oh, dude, don't worry about her. She can hang. You can't offend this one. TARA: Yeah, it's totally cool. You can talk about her in front of me. I can handle it. CHRIS: What'd you call her... An exotic flower? TARA: You called her an exotic flower? That is so boyish and sweet. CHRIS: Dude, how was her ass? Ass matters. Does "not Alex" have a good ass? TARA: Does she? CHASE: Um... I-I don't know. I got to... I'll be in the stockroom. KAREN'S CAFE Julian drink a coffee. Haley comes to him. HALEY: Hey. How you doing? JULIAN: Brooke's not here. HALEY: Yeah, she went out for a little bit. I haven't seen my family at all today. I don't blame her. I don't know if I'll ever trust myself with them again. I'm not sure how I could have let something like this happen. HALEY: When, uh, when Jamie was 5, I think...Nathan and I were in the kitchen at night, arguing. And I remember looking out the window, and I saw him playing basketball by the pool. Somewhere, between all the yelling and the next time I looked out, he had disappeared and, uh, I went outside... And he was floating, facedown in the pool. And we didn't know how long he'd been out there. And, um...Nathan pulled him in. And eventually, he coughed, and... he cried. But he was okay and i felt like I had damaged him. I felt like the worst parent in the world, and it took me a really long time to forgive myself for that. But I did eventually, and you will, too, because your babies aren't going anywhere. Your job doesn't end. And the best that we, as parents, can do is just love them with all of our hearts and... Try and do better next time. RESTAURANT Mouth and Millie eat in a restaurant. MILLCENT: I hear the scallops are great here. MOUTH: You were right to call me fat. I've gained weight. And it's not fair to you that I'm not taking better care of myself. WAITER: The chef's very pleased to have you dining with us, Mr. McFadden. Could I start you with an appetizer... Perhaps our sweet corn ravioli with truffle butter? MOUTH: I'll have the house salad, please... no dressing. WAITER: Certainly. And for your main course? MOUTH: Just the salad. Thanks. MILLICENT: I'll have the same. HOSPITAL CENTRE Clay visits his doctor. DR. ALCAVEZ: It's good to see you, Clay. It's been a while. How have you been? CLAY: Well, things could be better. DR. ALCAVEZ: What about Sara? Do you still see her, have conversations with her? CLAY: No. DR. ALCAVEZ: Have you met someone else? CLAY: Her name's Quinn. DR. ALCAVEZ: She's real. Is it serious? CLAY: Yeah, uh... She's pretty amazing. DR. ALCAVEZ: That's good, Clay. That's very good. Well, I've, uh, reviewed your file, and, um, I've got good news and bad news. The, uh, the good news is that we can help you. The bad news... at least, you might think so... Is that... I think you should admit yourself... Until we get a handle on this. CLAY: But I thought this was just a session for us to talk about stuff. DR. ALCAVEZ: I think this is more serious than that. CLAY: So you want to lock me up? DR. ALCAVEZ: Admittance is voluntary, of course, but with prolonged blackouts, you're a threat to yourself and to others, outside of a safe environment. I think you should stay here, Clay, and if you do, we will fix this. I promise. KAREN'S CAFE Haley is ready to go, Brooke stay a while. BROOKE: Are you excited to see Nathan tonight? HALEY: Ohh, I can't wait. You know, Julian stopped by today. Brooke, you have to forgive him. BROOKE: How am I gonna trust him with them again? HALEY: You trust him because... He's a great father and he's a great husband and he's your best friend. He loves you and these boys more than anything. He needs you to trust him, especially now. BROOKE: I was just so scared. HALEY: But if it had happened to you,you know how awful you'd feel, and you know that his love would probably be the only thing that could help you forgive yourself. BROOKE: I know. You're right. HALEY: Okay! Ready? BROOKE: Yeah. I'm ready. Brooke and Haley puts a slanderous sign for Tara. BROOKE: Okay, take it a little to the right. A little lower. Wait, wait. A little higher. Yeah. HALEY: Are you sure it's not too juvenile? BROOKE: No. If they're not gonna play nice, then neither are we. This is a very special set of circumstances. You guys have different rules. You have to play nice all the time, okay? HALEY: Looks right? BROOKE: That's perfect. (Tara sees them) TARA: Mm, not quite. You two have 30 seconds to get off my property, or I'm calling the cops. BROOKE: Haley, let's go! Go, go, go! CLUB TRIC All guys take a drink and talks about their problems. CHASE: Guilt sucks. I mean, I didn't even want to hook up with anyone. And then I find out "not Alex" has a boyfriend. It's bad enough that I miss Alex, but now I got to be the douchey pig that hooks up with someone else's girl. And I know the guy. How bad is that? JULIAN: I left my kid in the car. The police questioned me about my ability to be a parent. CHASE: Oh. Sorry, man. CLAY: Well, it turns out I'm crazy, so... who wants to trade? I'll take being an accidental cheater or a bad father over being the guy who blacks out and roams around town with no memory of it. No? I didn't think so. MOUTH: I thought being called fat on air by Millie was bad. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley enters in Jamie's bedroom. The kid is in his computer. HALEY: Hey, kiddo. What are you doing? JAMIE: Tracking dad's flight. HALEY: You are? JAMIE: Yeah. It's pretty cool. Right now, he's over the ocean, and he flew over France and Germany, too. He's gonna land on time. HALEY: You're not excited to see him at all, are you? I'm pretty excited. Yeah? Well, how about I wake you up after he gets home? JAMIE: Okay. HALEY: All right. Let's go to bed. JAMIE: Mom? HALEY: Yeah? JAMIE: Does grandpa Dan really have to leave when dad gets home? HALEY: Yeah, I'm afraid he does, honey. JAMIE: Well, it's been real nice having him around. HALEY: Yeah. I know you've been having a lot of fun. JAMIE: Well, maybe dad will let him stay. HALEY: Maybe. JAMIE: Night, mom. HALEY: Good night, honey. Love you. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Mouth picks some food in the night. CHASE'S LOFT Tara comes in. CHASE: Not Alex. This is a surprise. TARA: It's Tara... nerd. So, you gonna let me in? CHASE: I'd... love to, but that's probably not a good idea. I really didn't know you had a boyfriend... And that your boyfriend is Chris Keller. So, what we did... Well, it can't really happen again. TARA: What if it's our little secret? CHASE: Yeah? No, no. Um... Secrets aren't really my thing. TARA: Why... because you can't keep them or you don't want them? CHASE: Both. And even if you weren't someone else's girl, I'm... There's still Alex. TARA: Really? Where? Because I don't see her. Oh, yeah, that's just because she's a painful, annoying memory. Don't you want someone who's going to help you forget...someone who had 10... HOSPITAL CENTRE Quinn accompanies Clay to the hospital center. QUINN: It's gonna be okay. I mean, you said you wanted to close your eyes to me... And you wanted to wake up to me and that you wanted to live your life with me. It's gonna happen. CLAY: You promise? QUINN: Yeah, I promise. CLAY: I love you. QUINN: I love you, too. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley joins Dan in the terrace. DAN: Nice night. HALEY: Yeah, it is. So, um, I just wanted to say thank you for all your help with the kids while Nathan was gone. Jamie can't stop talking about camping in the backyard. DAN: I love that kid. I'm happy I could spend the time with him. HALEY: Well, uh, Nathan's coming home tonight, so... DAN: I know. And once he gets here, I'll leave. HALEY: Okay. JULIAN'S CAR Brooke joins Julian in the car. It's hot inside. JULIAN: I can't only forgive myself for being so careless. I almost took away the one thing that matters most to us. You wanted a baby more than anything. You waited and you prayed, and you had a miracle happen. Your dream came true. And then, in one moment... In one horrible, stupid moment, I almost took that away from you. BROOKE: But you didn't. Stop. But you didn't. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley calls Nathan in his phone. HALEY(at phone): Hi. It's me again. Um... Just calling to make sure everything's okay. I'm assuming maybe you took a later flight. Just call me when you get this, okay? Bye. AIRPORT Nathan isn't here and we see Mirna Moose on the floor in front of the airport. End of the episode.

Clay gets into trouble and Quinn gets involved; Julian deals with his guilt over leaving the baby in the car; Mouth agrees to take care of his health but continues eating when Millie is asleep. Meanwhile, a new cafe opens and the owner immediately angers Brooke and Haley. This episode is named after a song by Kate Nash .

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Teleplay by: Constance M. Burge and David Simkims Story by: Constance M. Burge [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's there reading some mail. Phoebe walks in still in her pyjamas.] Phoebe: Morning. Piper: Hey, Pheebs. Phoebe: Uh, did you get the postcard from Dan? Piper: Yeah, it sounds like he's having a great time. Phoebe: What's the matter? Is something wrong? (Phoebe looks in the cupboard.) Piper: I got another letter from Dr. Williamson. Phoebe: Williamson? Isn't he the specialist that treated you for Arroyo fever? Piper: That would be him. (Phoebe opens the pantry.) Phoebe: Oh that was months ago. What does he want? Piper: He wants me to come in for blood work so he can make sure I'm cured. Phoebe: An angel brought you back to life. Trust me, you're cured. Piper: I know, but I can't exactly tell him that. Phoebe: So just throw the letter away. Piper: I have been. He keeps sending more. (Phoebe looks in the bin.) Phoebe: Here's my Granola. (She pulls out an empty box of Granola.) What's it doing in the trash? I just bought this two days ago. Who eats this besides me? Piper: Leo, but I'll replace it, I promise. (Phoebe throws the box back in the bin.) Phoebe: Um, Piper, um, I don't want you to think I mind because I don't but if Leo's gonna be living here then I think we should probably set some ground rules, you know. Piper: Leo doesn't live here. Phoebe: He eats breakfast here. Piper: Uh huh. Phoebe: A lot. Piper: Maybe he just likes cereal. You really think he's here that much? Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted. (Piper gives her a look.) I mean, had. (Prue walks in.) Prue: Morning. Pheebs, um, Evan Stone, ever hear of him? Phoebe: Hello. Red Death. I've only seen that movie like five times. Prue: Yes, I know, I'm doing a photo shoot with him today. Phoebe: How much do I hate you right now? Unless of course the tabloid rumours are true. In which case I really hate you. He is supposed to be... Prue: Shh! I do not want to know anything about him. I just wanna take his picture and leave. And I need to go get ready. Piper: Uh, Prue, you don't think Leo lives here do you? Prue: I mean, yeah, of course he does but, I mean, it's fine as long as you're happy, that's all I really care about, not that I was unhappy when I saw Leo all naked in the shower and just all wet. Piper: Okay, so you guys just need to make up some ground rules, you know, what's acceptable and not acceptable and... (Phoebe and Prue leave the room.) I'm serious. (She picks up the letter from Dr. Williamson and puts it in the bin.) [Scene: Hospital. Dr. Williamson's in a lab talking on the phone. There are three monkeys in cages which are named 'Prue', 'Piper' and 'Phoebe'.] Dr. Williamson: Of course I got your memo, you can't be serious. Have you read my report? Ninety days ago, Piper Halliwell was admitted here with Arroyo fever. Within twenty-four hours she was completely free of the virus even though she failed to respond to any of the treatments. Dr. Jeffries: Dr. Williamson, I may be new to San Francisco Memorial but I am very aware of the project. Dr. Williamson: And you're also aware of the fact that her recovery makes no clinical sense. Dr. Jeffries: True. But your subsequent test failed to reveal anything out of the ordinary. Dr. Williamson: Look, I just need more time. I've only injected the primate samples of the Halliwell's blood this morning. Dr. Jeffries: Piper Halliwell is fine. I want you to forget about her and concentrate on people who are sick. Dr. Williamson: I am. Somewhere in this blood could be the key to unlocking the universal antibody. Dr. Jeffries: And if I agreed with you we wouldn't be having this conversation. Dr. Williamson: You will not terminate this project. Dr. Jeffries: I believe I already have. (Dr. Williamson hangs up.) Dr. Williamson: I'm not giving up. (He uses an eye dropper to put Prue, Piper and Phoebe's blood in a small jar. He then puts it in a syringe and places it on the table. He picks up a key and unlocks a cage.) Alright, group, let's see how this affects you. (One of the monkeys, with Prue's power, makes the syringe fly and the blood gets injected in Dr. Williamson's neck. He quickly pulls it out the monkeys start jumping up and down in their cages.) Opening Credits [Scene: Hospital. Laboratory. Dr. Williamson is putting a band aid on his neck. The monkeys are still chattering and rattling the cages.] Dr. Williamson: I said be quiet! (As he says that, he turns around and points his finger. Bottles of blood fly up and smash against the wall. He looks his hand. Dr. Jeffries walks in.) Dr. Jeffries: I have some time between appointments- Dr. Williamson: Wait. (He puts his hand up and freezes him.) Dr. Jeffries? (He walks over to the other side of Dr. Jeffries and unfreezes him.) Dr. Jeffries: So I thought we might discuss... How did you get over there? (He notices the blood on the wall.) What happened in here? Dr. Williamson: I had an accident. Dr. Jeffries: Are you okay? Dr. Williamson: I'm fine. Dr. Jeffries: What happened to you neck? Dr. Williamson: Nothing. Listen I need to get a hold of the Halliwell's immediately. Dr. Jeffries: I told you that project's been terminated. Maybe you should take some time off. You've been under a lot of pressure and I understand your sister's been sick. Dr. Williamson: And I (he grabs Dr. Jeffries coat with two hands) told you I need to get a hold of the Halliwell's immediately. (He lets go of his coat.) Dr. Jeffries: I want you cleared out of this lab by the end of the day. (Dr Jeffries leaves. One of the monkeys uses Prue's power and makes a banana float over to it.) [Scene: At a studio. Prue pulls up in her car. She gets out holding her camera bag and walks inside. A make-up artist is applying make-up to Evan Stone's face. Prue walks up to him.] Prue: Evan Stone? Evan: Yes. Prue: Hi, uh, we have a date. I'm Prue Halliwell, 415 magazine. (They shake hands.) Lucy: Bring security, I think I found another tabloid photographer. Prue: Me? Uh, no, no, no. I am not with a tabloid. (She tips out her purse.) I am with 415. (She finds her pass and shows it to her.) I have an appointment. Lucy: Sorry. We've just had photographers sneaking in here all week. That's why I'm here. I'm Lucy. Evan's publicist. Prue: Hi. Lucy: And this is a temporary ID. This could be a problem. Prue: Yeah, well, that's because I'm a new employee at the magazine. I mean, you can call Gil Corso, I'm sure he'll be happy to confirm it. Evan: I'll keep an eye on her while you do that. Okay? (Lucy walks away.) Prue: So what happens if Mr. Corso's in a meeting? What, you send me flying with nagi kick? Evan: I -----. You know aikido. Prue: Yeah, well, it comes in, uh, handy with my line of work. Evan: Photography business must be rougher than I thought. Prue: Only when publicists don't trust temporary ID's. Evan: Lucy's a really cool person. Newly promoted. Just struggling to control her new power, that's all. Prue: I can certainly relate to that. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Phoebe's kneeling down with her head in the closet throwing clothes out on the floor. Leo orbs in and kneels down really close to Phoebe.] Leo: (thinking it's Piper) Ever done it on a cloud? Phoebe: I don't know, does a feather bed count? (Leo quickly stands up.) Leo: Uh, Phoebe. I thought you were Piper. Phoebe: Well, it is her room. Leo: I-I am so sorry. Phoebe: No, no worries. I mean it could happen to anyone. Especially someone that doesn't have to knock to come in. Leo: You're so right. This will never happen again, you have my word. Phoebe: Okay, and you have my word that I won't tell Piper. Leo: Good idea. I'm, uh, just leaving now. Phoebe: Uh, she's in the kitchen. Leo: Thanks. Phoebe: Uh huh. (Leo walks out of the room. Phoebe gets a pen and paper out of her pocket and starts writing.) Item number two - orbing in unannounced. [Cut to the kitchen. Piper's on the phone.] Piper: You're calling me at home? Dr. Williamson: Yes, Miss Halliwell. I would like you to meet me in my lab as soon as possible. Piper: I'm not going anywhere. Dr. Williamson: Look, you don't understand, this is very important. Piper: Goodbye, Doctor. Dr. Williamson: Look, I need your- (Piper hangs up.) [Cut to the lab. Dr. Williamson uses Prue's power and the computer smashes against the wall.] [Cut back to the kitchen. Leo walks in.] Leo: Piper? Piper: Leo, hi. Leo: Everything okay? Piper: I don't know, that was Dr. Williamson. He's been sending me letters, trying to get me back to the hospital for follow up tests and I'm not going. What are you doing here? Please don't tell me there's a demon running around. Leo: No, I just figured since it was your day off, maybe you could spend it with me. Piper: Oh, did you now. (They hug.) Leo: Yes, I did. Are you sure you're alright? Pier: Yeah, I mean, it's not like he's ever gonna figure out that you were the one who saved me so I'm not gonna worry about it because there is nothing to worry about. [Scene: Hospital. Lab. The phone rings. Dr. Williamson answers it.] Dr. Williamson: Miss Halliwell? Nurse: No, this is Nurse Jordan, your sister's nurse. I was wondering if you could... Dr. Williamson: Is she okay? Nurse: You need to get to your sister's room as soon as possible. Dr. Williamson: I'll be right there. [Scene: Studio. Prue's taking pictures of Evan.] Prue: Uh, can you just lift your chin a little bit because there's a shadow. (He does so.) Thanks. (All of a sudden a monkey appears behind Evan.) What a cute monkey. Evan: Monkey? Prue: Yeah, he's right behind you. (The monkey astral projects back in its body. Evan turns around.) Evan: What are you talking about? Prue: Okay, thanks. Evan: You're leaving? Prue: Uh, yeah, I'm finished. Evan: We just got started. Prue: Right, and, uh, I got a great shot, it was perfect. (She walks outside. Evan follows her.) Evan: Miss Halliwell. (She stops and turns around.) Your car keys. (He holds them up.) Prue: Oh. (She goes to take them but he drops them. They both bend down. He picks them up, holds her hand and places them in her hand. A photographer is sitting in a car near by taking photos of them. They stand up and Evan leans close to Prue.) Evan: You can take my picture anytime, Miss Halliwell. Prue: Thank you. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe's there. Prue walks in from the back door.] Prue: Hey, you are never going to believe what happened today. Phoebe: Yes I will. I saw Notting Hill. Prue: What are you talking about? (She points to card in a bunch of flowers that is on the table. Prue picks up the card.) Phoebe: They're from Evan. I hope you're happy, you're stealing away my dream man. "Prue, what really happened? Evan." Something happened? Prue: Yes, but not with Evan Stone. Is Piper here? Phoebe: Yeah, she's in the living room with Leo, again. Prue: (calling out) Piper. Leo. Phoebe: So are you gonna tell me why he sent you flowers? Prue: You know, I just have no idea. Phoebe: And they say the youngest is the most naive. (Prue leans over to smell the flowers but Phoebe stops her. Piper and Leo walk in.) Piper: Prue, you're back early. Prue: Yes, I am, that's because a monkey astral projected to me on the set today. Phoebe: A monkey? Piper: Astral projected? Prue: Yeah, and, and it waved at me, okay, like it knew me or something. I think it wanted my help. Phoebe: I think you're working way too hard. Prue: You know, Phoebe, I saw it. Okay, and-and-and it had like an ID bracelet from a hospital on its arm. Piper: Prue, honey, I don't think monkeys can astral project. (to Leo) Can they? Leo: Not without powers. And it would have to have your power too, you know, to find you, magic to magic. Prue: My power? How can it have my power? I have my powers. Alright, wait, so, so, you're saying that a monkey is sharing my powers? Phoebe: Is that even possible? Leo: After all you've seen and done over the last two years, you tell me what's impossible. Piper: You said something about a hospital wristband? Prue: Yeah, it had a rose on it. (Piper gets the letter from Dr. Williamson out of the bin.) Piper: Did it look anything like this? (She shows her the rose on the letter.) Prue: Yeah. Exactly like this. Wait, is this the same Dr. Williamson? Piper: Yeah, he's been sending me requests for weeks and he called this morning and said he wanted to see me. Prue: What? Phoebe: Wait, you didn't tell me he called you. Piper: Well, there was nothing to say. I hung up on him. Do you think he found out about our powers? Prue: B.O.S. Phoebe: B.O.S.? Oh, Book Of Shadows. (Phoebe and Prue leave the kitchen. The Whitelighters call Leo.) Leo: They say it's important. Piper: Okay, um, come back soon. Leo: Okay. (They kiss and Leo orbs out.) [Scene: Hospital. In a room. Dr. Williamson's sister is lying in bed. Her husband and Dr. Williamson is there.] Larry: My wife is dying. She's 33rd on the waiting list, Curtis. She's not gonna live long enough to get a kidney. Dr. Williamson: There's nothing I can do, Larry. I'm sorry. Larry: No, no, let me tell you what's sorry, okay. I come here every day and for every minute that I'm with her, some, some scumbag criminal is freed. At least on a technicality. Curtis, listen to me. She is your sister, isn't there anything you can do? (Larry starts to leave.) Dr. Williamson: Larry, wait. (He touches Larry's shoulder and has a premonition.) Oh my God. (to the nurse) Get the crash team, get a gurney in here, this man's gonna have a heart attack. (the nurse looks at him) I said the crash team. Nurse: Yes, sir. (She runs outside.) Larry: If anyone looks like they're gonna collapse it's you... (Larry grabs his chest in pain. Doctors come running in.) Doctor #1: Come on, let's go. Let's get in here. Get his leg. (They pull him up on the bed.) Okay, give me two cc's of adrenalin right now. Nurse: (to Dr Williamson) How did you know? Dr. Williamson: (ignoring her) He's gone into full arrest. Doctor #2: Check his airway. Bag him. What's his pulse? Nurse: Ninety over sixty, doctor. Doctor #2: Let's start compressions. (Dr. Williamson leans over and whispers in Larry's ear.) Dr. Williamson: Listen, I'll ----- too, I promise. (He goes in the secretary's office.) I need a list of all the criminals who were admitted and released from the hospital jail ward. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hospital. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in the lab. They see the mess.] Phoebe: Wow, what a mess. (They see the monkeys.) Piper: Well, too bad we can't ask them where Williamson is. Prue: That's the same monkey. Phoebe: It looks like it knows you. (They monkeys chatter at them.) Prue: Okay, it looks like they know all of us. Come on. (They walk over to the cages.) Piper: He named them after us. Phoebe: That's really scary. PrueL Alright, we need to, uh, take a look around and make sure there's nothing else here that could expose us. Phoebe: Well, maybe that's why the monkey projected to you, Prue. Maybe she was trying to warn you. (They look through all the files on the table.) Piper: All of these files say Halliwell. Prue: Yeah, well, look at all these tests that he took. Okay, not just on blood that he took from you but blood that he took from Phoebe and me. Piper: He has spent months trying to figure out how I survived the Arroyo fever. Prue: This grant request says that he is looking for a universal antibody. (Phoebe takes their blood out of a fridge.) Phoebe: Maybe he thought it was in your blood. (The monkey uses Prue's power and a banana floats through the air. The other monkey freezes it.) Prue: Piper. Phoebe. Okay, so, um, I think it's safe to say that Dr. Williamson probably knows about us. Phoebe: Do you think he's been injecting out blood into those monkeys? Prue: I don't know but we need to get them outta here before somebody walks in, sees something flying and everybody finds out about us. (They unlock the cages and Phoebe picks up a monkey. She has a premonition of Dr. Williamson with their powers.) Phoebe: Okay, not only does Williamson know about our powers, but he's got one of them, telekinesis. Piper: Wait a minute, you remember what he was like when I was sick. He had the CDC here, the media. If we don't stop him, the monkeys aren't going to be the only one's in cages. [Scene: A drug dealer's apartment. The dealer is on the phone.] Drug Dealer: You know what? Let me tell you something/ I don't touch the stuff alright. I do... (All of a sudden the door flies off its hinges and Dr. Williamson is standing there. The dealer jumps up and drops the phone.) Dr. Williamson: You Benny Ritter? Benny: What are you doing? That's my door, man. (He grabs his gun and Dr. Williamson makes him fly across the room. Dr. Williamson walks over to him.) What the hell is this? Dr. Williamson: House calling. (Dr. Williamson kneels beside him and gets out a syringe.) Benny: No, don't. (He injects the needle in Benny's arm and Benny instantly falls asleep. Dr. Williamson rolls him over on his stomach and lifts up his shirt. He's holding a scalpel in his hand.) [Cut back to the hospital. In the corridor. You see Piper's hand appear from around the corner and she freezes a doctor pushing someone in a wheelchair. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk around the corner pulling a laundry hamper. The monkeys are inside it. They approach the next corner and look around it to check if the coast is clear.] Phoebe: Okay, Piper, now. (Prue notices her and Evan on the TV.) Prue: Wait. (She uses her power to turn up the volume.) Reporter: Who is this mystery woman in Evan Stone's life? Why did he send her flowers? Tune in tonight and fins out. Phoebe: I thought you said nothing happened. Prue: Yeah, he was just returning my car keys. Piper: Hi, hello, bigger problem. Nurse #2: It was more than a miracle. It was as if he was clairvoyant. He said his brother in-law was going to have a heart attack and ten seconds later he collapsed. Nurse #3: And he could tell that just by looking at him? Nurse #2: No, he touched him first. Phoebe: I'd say premonitions for 500, Alex. (Piper walks over to them.) Piper: Excuse me. I'm a patient of Dr. Williamson. Do you know where I might find him? Nurse #2: He was heading towards the records room. Piper: Okay, thank you. (She walks back over to Prue and Phoebe.) Prue: So he's using our powers in public. Phoebe: At least he's not hurting anyone. Prue: Yet. (They walk in the records room. Piper freezes the secretary.) Phoebe: Dr. Williamson's long gone. (Prue and Phoebe start to leave.) Piper: Wait, wait, wait. He came in here for a reason. (They walk over to the computer.) It's a list of names and addresses of people who were admitted in the jail ward in the hospital. Benny Ritter is highlighted. (She prints out the page.) Access by Dr. C. Williamson. [Cut to Dr. Williamson's sister's room. Dr. Williamson is there.] Dr. Williamson: I've taken care of everything. You are going to be okay. A lot of people are going to be okay. (He picks up a small cooler off the side table and takes it out to reception.) Get my sister prepped and ready for a kidney transplant. Tissue typing and cross matching are confirmed. Unrelated living donor but an exact match. No questions, do it now. (She does so.) [Scene: Outside Benny Ritter's place. Paramedics are taking Benny to the ambulance on a stretcher. Police are there. Prue, Piper and Phoebe arrive. Morris sees them and walks over to them.] Morris: Should I be afraid to ask what you guys are doing in this part of town? Piper: We're not sure. What happened? Morris: Some low life named Benny Ritter had a kidney removed, not that he could tell us that, he was found sedated. Phoebe: Who is he? Morris: A drug dealer. Busted last week out on a technicality. Piper: Any idea who did it? Morris: Med-techs said whoever gutted him, stitched him up, left a note, something about internal sutures secure, morphine for the pain. Prue: He left a note? Morris: Yeah, we'll definitely be looking for somebody with medical training. Piper: You can't. Morris: I had a feeling you were gonna say something like that. Wanna tell me why? Prue: Only that it's supernatural. Morris: I can't really tell them that. Phoebe: It's the best we can do for now, Darryl. You're the one that said you didn't wanna know what we were into. Morris: But I suppose you want me to keep you posted. Prue: Yes, but more importantly just be careful. (Morris walks away.) Phoebe: So much for not hurting anybody. Prue: Well, we have to find him before the cops do. Piper? Piper: I keep thinking if I'd answered one of his letters... [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue's on the phone. The monkeys are there.] Prue: Mr. Corso, you know that I am not Evan Stone's girlfriend. Are you laughing at me? (Phoebe runs in and grabs a monkey.) Phoebe: Can somebody please help me? (Piper comes in holding the Book Of Shadows.) Piper: Okay, there is nothing in here about mortals or animals having powers, let alone how to get the powers out of them. Phoebe: We'll find something, Piper. (Piper picks up a monkey.) Piper: Okay, um, when? Because Dr. Williamson has already stole somebody's kidney and what's gonna be next? Prue: (in the phone) I'll explain everything just not now. Okay, bye. (She hangs up.) Phoebe: Except for the magic monkey part, right? Prue: No, I thought I'd leave that part out. (They hear voices and see camera flashes from outside.) Piper: What's that? Phoebe: Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's photographers. (She looks out the window.) They're everywhere on the lawn. Prue: Okay, close-close the curtain. (Phoebe pulls down all the blinds. The doorbell rings several times.) Phoebe: There are more coming. (to the monkey) I'll be right there. More are coming. Prue: Do you think they saw anything? Piper: Yeah, like stolen monkeys. Phoebe: Who knows but at least they didn't see any magic. (She picks up a monkey. Leo orbs in.) Never mind. (A monkey jumps in Leo's arms.) Leo: Sorry. Phoebe: Uh huh. Leo: I'll ask later. Right now I've got some bad news about Dr. Williamson. (Leo hears the reporters outside.) Piper: That's the press, they're after Prue. (They all walk in the kitchen. Piper hands Prue a monkey.) Prue: Thanks. Piper: So what's the bad news? Leo: Well, simply put, Dr. Williamson is cosmically screwed. He's got your powers in his mortal body. It took generations to prepare you for that, you can handle it, he can't. (Piper takes the monkey off of Leo.) Piper: So what's going to happen to him? Leo: He'll go mad. Prue: Just from our powers? Leo: Yes. Phoebe: Wait, are you saying that out powers are in our blood and he injected himself with it? Leo: That blood, yeah. See, the spell that you cast to cure Piper changed everything and now it's changing Dr. Williamson. See, your magic is meant for doing good but in the wrong person, somebody not ready for it, that need to do good things... Piper: Could go bad? Leo: Real bad. Piper, it's nobody's fault. Dr. Williamson chose his own path. This is not the consequence of anybody's actions except his own. Still, you have to find a way to stop him before things get worse. Piper: If they haven't already. (Piper hands the monkey back to Leo.) Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna make a potion to separate powers from witches. Piper: They're monkeys. Phoebe: With witches blood. I don't know what else to do. Maybe if it works on them it will work on Williamson. Prue: Alright, I-I gotta figure out a way to get rid of these reporters otherwise we can't do anything and figure out a way to go talk to Evan. Piper: I'm gonna go call Morris. He needs to know what he's up against. Leo: If only to keep yourself from being exposed as witches. Piper: Yeah, that too. Prue: Alright, Piper, uh, I'm gonna need your help. [Cut to the foyer. Piper opens the door. The reporters run towards them an start taking photos. Piper freezes them and Prue walks outside.] Prue: Thank you. (Leo walks up to Piper.) Leo: You okay? Piper: Well, considering our powers have combined to drive a man crazy and put who knows how many other people in danger, (she unfreezes the reporters) I'm terrific. [Scene: Studio. Evan is on set with two other guys practicing a scene.] Director: And cut! Terrific guys, print that. (Evan walks over to Prue who's waiting near by.) Prue: Hi. (He puts his fists up and playfully pretends to fight her.) Okay, I might hurt you. Evan, my front yard is filled with photographers. Okay, they are watching my every move. Evan: Oh, come on, it'll blow over. You're a normal red blooded American girl with nothing to hide, right? Prue: Right, but, uh, I can't really do my job with flash bulbs going off in my face every single second. Evan: You can't fight back. That's like struggling in quicksand. Don't play. Look, whatever energy they're throwing at you just pass right on by. Because eventually that energy comes back around leads to someone else. Prue: Yeah, uh, okay, I-I-I really appreciate the whole wax on wax off approach but couldn't your people just issue some kind of statement? Evan: What, are you kidding me? You're working the bad boy image. Prue: Evan, please. Evan: You got a cell phone? Prue: Course I do. (She hands it to him.) Who are you calling? Evan: Celebrity peep shows. They use tipsters to tell them what's going on, who's doing who. I'm the tipster. (He dials a number.) Copnec Julius. Shh. (in a weird voice) Hello, this is Julius. Evan Stone and his new girlfriend are at the baby sound stage. They're going off to dinner. Hurry down there if you want to catch them. (He hangs up and gives the phone back to Prue.) I say you've got about fifteen minutes to get out of here. Prue: You know you're going to get trampled. Evan: I'll handle it. I'll just tell them I dumped you. I'm a bad boy, remember. Prue: Sure you are. Thanks for the flowers. Evan: You deserve them. Along with that quiet normal life you seem to want so badly. Prue: Thanks. (She leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Some guys apartment. Dr. Williamson is there cutting out his kidney.] Dr. Williamson: You've been a very bad man, Mr. Mackinera. Selling guns to children. How very heartless of you. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's looking out the window. Phoebe's making a potion.] Piper: Prue must of done something to light a fire under those idiots, they're leaving. Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe pours some potion in a baby bottle.) Piper: Which one is that? Phoebe: Number eight. I combined two separation of power spells with a human from animal extraction spell. Piper: Okay, I have no idea what you just said. Phoebe: I'm getting the us out of them. And if it works, then hopefully we'll find Dr. Williamson. Leo: Well, first things first. Phoebe: Right. (Leo puts a bottle up to one of the monkeys and it drinks from it. Phoebe picks up a banana.) Piper: Okay, Prue monkey, look. (The monkey sees the banana and it uses Prue's power and the banana starts floating towards it. Stardust rises out of the monkey and the banana drops to the ground.) What was that? Leo: Delayed reaction. Piper: Phoebe, I think you did it. Phoebe: I did do it. (The doorbell rings.) Piper: Okay, here. (Phoebe takes the monkey off of Piper. Piper answers the door.) Morris: Tell me again I'm not hunting down some demonic son of a bitch. Piper: No, I told you when I called. He's a human being. Morris: With supernatural talent for butchery. In the past four hours, this Dr. Williamson has dropped off two more coolers at hospitals and he's not bothering to stitch up his victims anymore. Piper: He's killing people? Morris: Yes. Tell me where to find him. Piper: I don't know. Morris: We staked out all the hospitals but somehow he's getting in, dropping off his gifts and getting out without anybody seeing him. He's using your powers isn't he? Piper: Yes, but we found a way to stop him. Morris: Not if I stop him first. Piper: Darryl, don't kill him. Morris: Have you been listening to me? He may not give me a choice. The two people he killed, Frank McNamara and Arlen Jackson, they're criminals. But nobody deserves to die like that. Piper: If you try to stop him he will kill you. (Morris leaves.) McNamara. (She gets the jail ward list out of a coat pocket.) Phoebe, Leo. (Leo and Phoebe walk in.) We have to call Prue. I know where Williamson is. [Scene: Sally Dopler's place. She's fixing up computer parts.] Sally: Bobby, been busy while I was gone. You got a buyer for these? 'Cause I've got somebody in county that might be able to move them for ya. Bobby! (Dr. Williamson walks in holding a cooler.) Dr. Williamson: Was that his name? (Dr. Williamson puts down the cooler and gets ready to use Prue's power. Suddenly, he flies across the room and Prue, Piper and Phoene run in.) Prue: (to Sally) Get out of here now. (She grabs some computer parts and runs outside.) Piper: Dr. Williamson... Dr. Williamson: Piper. Piper: Listen to me, you're sick. You're doing terrible things. Dr. Williamson: I'm saving lives. Piper: No, you're hurting people. (She walks towards Dr. Williamson.) Prue: Piper, be careful. Piper: We have medicine for you. We think it might help. Dr. Williamson: You know, I really have you to thank for all this. I couldn't do it without you. Piper: Don't say that. Here, take this, it will make you better. (She holds the potion out for him and he makes her fly across the room.) Prue: Piper. (He does the same to Prue. Phoebe kneels down beside Piper. He walks over near Phoebe. Phoebe stands up.) Phoebe: We wanna help you. Dr. Williamson: I don't want your help. I'm doing great things, I'm saving lives. And I got a lot of work to do. Phoebe: Okay, uh, well, this is for the monkeys. (She punches him in the face.) And this is for my sisters. (She goes to kick him but he makes her fly across the room. She gets knocked unconscious. He steps on the potion and breaks the jar.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Piper are there. A map is on the table and Phoebe is holding a crystal above it. Prue walks in.] Prue: Any luck? Phoebe: No, and I can't figure out another way to find him. All I have to do is locate him through his powers. Prue: Yeah, but his powers are our powers. Phoebe: Right, exactly, so the crystal keeps circling our street. And I keep finding us. Piper: Okay, keep trying. Prue: Guys, we need to talk about what we're gonna do. Piper: What do you mean? I thought we already had a plan, I mean, we have the elixir. Phoebe: No, not anymore, he trashed it. Piper: So we'll make more. Phoebe: With what? I have nothing else to use and the only shop that carries what I need closed four hours ago. And even if I made more elixir, Piper, we'd never get it into him. He's much stronger than we are. Piper: Guys, he was my doctor. He tried to save my life, remember. Prue: He could of killed us, Piper. Piper: But he didn't. Prue: No, but he might be out there right now trying to kill someone else. Look, we need to face the fact that he's one innocent that we might not be able to save. Piper: But he needs help. Prue: I know that, honey. Piper: Okay, then, so what are you suggesting? (Prue and Phoebe look at each other.) You guys wanna vanquish him? You can't be serious, he's, he's not a demon, he's a human being. Prue: Not anymore. Piper: But, okay, we can't use our powers to punish anyway you know that. Prue: Piper, we're not punishing, alright, we're saving lives. All you have to do is freeze him. Piper: And then what? You're gonna move him in the path of an oncoming bus, drop a building on him, kill him? (Leo walks in.) Leo, tell me you found something, anything. Leo: Sorry. I don't think there's anyway out of this one. Piper: I don't believe this. (The crystal points to a different place on the map.) Phoebe: I found him. [Scene: An abandoned building. Homeless people are sleeping there. Dr. Williamson is there. Prue, Piper and Phoebe arrive.] Piper: Dr. Williamson, we can help you but you have to stop hurting people. Dr. Williamson: If you say so. (He goes to throw the scalpel but Prue uses her power and it flies out of his hand. All the homeless people run outside.) You should of stayed away. (He uses Prue's power and a circular saw blade flies straight towards them. Piper freezes it.) Phoebe: Okay, Piper, freeze him, him, him. (She freezes him but he fights through it.) Piper: It's not working. Prue: Whatever you do, do not unfreeze that thing. (Dr. Williamson makes another one fly towards them and Prue uses her power to stop it and it continues to spin in one spot. They both use their powers to try and push it back towards each other.) Dr. Williamson: You know, I'm getting pretty good at this. Prue: Okay, he's really, really strong. Piper: I don't know how much longer I can hold this. Phoebe: Piper, you do not let that go, okay, you do not let that go! Piper: Okay, yelling does not help. Prue: Piper, when I tell you to, just let go. Phoebe: What? Piper: But... Prue: We're done playing around. Hit the deck now. (Prue makes the blade fly in a different direction. They all duck and the other blade unfreezes. The blade rebounds off the wall and flies straight towards Dr. Williamson and hitts him in the chest. Dr. Williamson pulls the blade out and collapses on the floor.) Piper: No! (She runs over to him.) Oh, God. Please don't die. (She starts to cry.) Come on. Look at me, come on, come on. Please don't die. Phoebe: Piper, honey. Piper: I'm sorry. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe's putting their files in the fireplace.] Phoebe: Bye, bye, files. Prue: Well, at least everything's back to normal... (she looks over at the monkeys who are sitting on the couch eating stuff out of a bowl.) for us. Phoebe: At least we're safe. Prue: Yeah, what about them? Phoebe: Oh, they'll be safe tomorrow when I drop them off at the wild life conservatory. Hey, watch this. You guys, what do you think of evil? (One monkey covers its eyes, the other puts his fingers in its ears and the other covers its mouth. Prue and Phoebe laugh.) Prue: You're gonna miss them aren't you? Phoebe: Yeah. (Piper walks in holding her files.) Prue: Hey, we've been wondering where you've been. Phoebe: Oh, you know what? I have something for you. (She gets a piece of paper out of her pocket and hands it to Piper.) Piper: What is this? Phoebe: Uh, ground rules for me. (Piper reads the note.) Piper: "I want a man who hates my brand of cereal so there'll always be some for me. A man who's love will catch me by surprise." What is this? Phoebe: It's a wish list. I hope I find someone as great as Leo. You deserve the best and I think you found it. Piper: So you guys don't mind of he's hanging around a lot? Prue: We just want you to be happy, honey. (Piper walks over to the fireplace and puts her files in.) Piper. Phoebe: Are you okay? Piper: His name was Curtis. Phoebe: Who's name was Curtis? Piper: Dr. Williamson. I read it in his medical bio. His first name was Curtis. He never married because he was working all the time. Saving lives was more important to him than having a life of his own. Now his life is over and I can't help but feel responsible for that. Phoebe: We tried to save him. Piper: But we didn't. Prue: Because we couldn't. Piper: I couldn't. (She leaves the room.) Phoebe: Should we, uh...? Prue: No, not this time. [Cut to Piper's room. She walks in and closes the door. She sits on her bed and starts crying. Leo orbs in and sits down next to her. He puts his arm around her and pulls her close to him.]

The doctor who treated Piper when she was sick with Oroya fever is trying to figure out how she was able to make complete recovery. As a result, accidentally gains their magical powers from their blood during a test he was conducting. Following this, he starts to use his newfound abilities in an attempt to save his dying sister. However, it doesn't take long for the doctor to go mad from having the sisters' magical powers and they have to find a way to remove them while not bringing any harm to the doctor. Meanwhile, Prue's latest assignment brings some unwanted attention from the paparazzi.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_09x03

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_09x03_0

DAY OF THE DALEKS BY: LOUIS MARKS 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. AUDERLY HOUSE (The DOCTOR climbs in the seat of the jeep vacated by the driver and sets off at speed. The BRIGADIER calls after him...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Doctor, come back at once! (He gives a rueful shake of the head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. TUNNEL AREA (The jeep crashes through the undergrowth and arrives at the bridge. The DOCTOR gets out and runs through a gap in a chainlink fence, down the canal side and into the tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TUNNEL (He pauses within the brick-lined passageway. As he looks round, he hears the sound of materialisation from one of the time travel machines. A DALEK fades into view in a side tunnel and he looks once more upon the form of his greatest enemies. He reacts instantly and looking round quickly, runs at full pace further down the tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE TUNNEL (Two DALEKS glide from opposite directions and turn down the same side tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE TUNNEL (The DOCTOR runs down another brick passageway. He reaches an intersection, stops and looks urgently round. ANAT and BOAZ stand there, the latter's hands round one of their time machines which he is about to operate. BOAZ sees the DOCTOR.) BOAZ: Get back! Get back! DOCTOR: Please! Wait! I've got to talk to you! ANAT: Keep away! (She suddenly gasps and looks in horror over the DOCTOR'S shoulder. He looks behind him and sees that a DALEK is a few feet away.) DALEK: Exterminate! BOAZ: __ or you'll be caught in the time field! (The familiar light patterns emanate from the machine and the DOCTOR and the two guerillas fade from existence leaving the DALEK by itself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: VORTEX (The three travellers spin in the light-filled vortex...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. TUNNEL (...and rematerialise in what appears to be the same tunnel but missing the watching DALEK. Both the DOCTOR and ANAT seem slightly disorientated by the journey.) BOAZ: We warned you. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, yes, so you did. ANAT: This may come as a shock to you, but you've just travelled two hundred years through time. DOCTOR: Thank you. But I'm probably more familiar with the concept of time travel than you are. (BOAZ turns to leave but the DOCTOR stops him.) DOCTOR: Now wait a minute. Before the time transference, I saw a Dalek. BOAZ: You know of the Daleks? DOCTOR: Indeed I do. I know them only too well. They've been my bitterest enemy for many years. BOAZ: (Curtly.) Then you're a fool to have let yourself be brought here! DOCTOR: (Impatiently.) Look, I came here in order to find Miss Jo Grant. ANAT: I told you, she's probably dead. DOCTOR: But as long as there's a chance... BOAZ: (Interrupting.) Come on, Anat. (He turns to leave but is once more stopped by the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Wait a minute - what is my best way of finding her? BOAZ: That's your problem. ANAT: We can't just leave him! BOAZ: I can - come! (Before he can take many paces, a whistling tone fills the tunnel and approaching footsteps are heard. In the distance, a phalanx of OGRONS run towards them through the darkness.) ANAT: Run, Doctor - run! (The guerillas run one way while the DOCTOR darts down a side tunnel. Two OGRONS run past him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE TUNNEL (The DOCTOR again finds himself running down a brick tunnel. Once more, he dodges into a side passage. Another pursuing OGRON runs past. In the side tunnel, the DOCTOR presses himself against the wall and listens to the receding footsteps. He is about to move off when he looks round a sees a metal ladder nearby which goes upwards. The tunnels echo to more footsteps as the DOCTOR starts to ascend the ladder.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. WASTELAND (A flat trapdoor in the ground opens upon a scrub-filled wasteland and the DOCTOR climbs out looking at the desolation around him. Whatever buildings once stood here are now small ruins and nature has reclaimed the area as its own. The area is filled with weeds and overgrowth. There is near silence. After a moment, he sets off in no particular direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. TUNNEL (Down below, two OGRONS run up through the darkness to a waiting DALEK.) FIRST DALEK: Have you...found them? OGRON: No, they escaped. (A SECOND DALEK glides up behind them.) FIRST DALEK: Hunt them! Exterminate them! DALEKS: Exterminate them! Exterminate them! Ext...! [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. WASTELAND (The DOCTOR is walking through the wasteland when he hears the noise of steps in unison behind him. He ducks behind a low ruined wall and watches from hiding as a troop of OGRONS march past. Seeing them go, he stands up from his hiding place and looks towards the direction they came from. He sees a number of white, featureless, high-rise buildings. He moves off towards them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. DALEKS' CHAMBER (The curved metal entrance door to the DALEKS' chamber rises upwards and the CONTROLLER walks in. His manner is restrained and nervous as the CHIEF DALEK and two grey DALEKS glide up and surround him.) CHIEF DALEK: Report! CONTROLLER: The security guards have combed the tunnels. They've found nothing. CHIEF DALEK: You have failed the Daleks! You will be punished! CONTROLLER: The fault is not mine! Your security guards let them get away. Those creatures are useless! FIRST DALEK: They are loyal to the Daleks. CONTROLLER: As loyal as they are stupid! They will never be a match for human guerillas. FIRST DALEK: No one can succeed who opposes the Daleks. CONTROLLER: For every guerilla cell that you destroy, another one springs up. They have stolen your time machines and copied them. They steal your weapons, your explosives. CHIEF DALEK: These criminals will be exterminated. The Daleks will destroy them. CONTROLLER: If only you would let me recruit more human security guards... CHIEF DALEK: (Interrupting.) Humans are treacherous and unreliable! CONTROLLER: Not all humans. I have served you faithfully. (The CHIEF DALEK hovers furiously on the spot.) CHIEF DALEK: Do not dispute with the Daleks! Obey without question! CONTROLLER: Very well. There was one...curious thing. The girl referred to a companion in her own time zone. She called him... "the Doctor". (The FIRST DALEK has a note of fear in its voice...) FIRST DALEK: Doctor?! Did you say "Doctor"?! CONTROLLER: He appears to have got through to our time. He was seen by the guards. CHIEF DALEK: The Doctor is an enemy of the Daleks! He must be found at once and exterminated! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. WASTELAND (The DOCTOR makes his way towards the scrub, ever nearer to his destination. He hesitates momentarily and then walks on, passing a remote-controlled camera on a pole. It swings round and follows his movements.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: CAMERA IMAGE (The DOCTOR is seen on the camera's output to approach a concrete-walled building. He is seen to examine a large squared entrance that itself looks like a continuation of the concrete wall. He examines the outer edges of the entrance and, after a moment, the wall moves inwards, allowing him to enter.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CONTROL ROOM (Instantly an alarm sounds to ring out across the control room as one of the female technicians hovers her hands over her control panel.) DALEK: (Over tannoy.) Alert! Alert! Area one-one-seven! (She then takes a slip of paper to the senior TECHNICIAN.) GIRL TECHNICIAN: Continue scanning. (The first technician silent returns to her post.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. DALEKS' CHAMBER (The CONTROLLER passes on the report to his masters...) CONTROLLER: All forces are on full alert. I can assure you that we will secure his arrest at any moment now. I will go myself and supervise the search. (He turns to leave.) CHIEF DALEK: Wait! (The CONTROLLER halts.) CHIEF DALEK: You have not been dismissed. There has been a drop in recent production figures. CONTROLLER: That can be explained. CHIEF DALEK: Explanations are irrelevant. Production targets must be maintained. CONTROLLER: We will reach the targets on the next work period. CHIEF DALEK: For the next work period, target figures will be increased by ten percent. (For a moment the CONTROLLER is stunned, then...) CONTROLLER: But that's impossible! If we push the workers any further, they will die! FIRST DALEK: Only the weak will die. Inefficient workers slow down production. Obey the Daleks. (The CONTROLLER recovers his composure.) CONTROLLER: Very well. We will do our best. CHIEF DALEK: You may go. (He walks out and into the control room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CONTROL ROOM (There his nerves overtake him once more and he stands for a moment, nervously chewing his lip. Behind him, the entrance panel to the DALEKS' chamber glides down. The CONTROLLER walks up to the waiting GIRL TECHNICIAN.) CONTROLLER: Well? GIRL TECHNICIAN: We have a tracking report on that stranger. CONTROLLER: The Doctor? GIRL TECHNICIAN: He has managed to penetrate the outer perimeter of work centre one-one-seven. (She hands him a series of report cards.) CONTROLLER: Have the guards there been alerted? GIRL TECHNICIAN: Yes, they'll pick him up once he's inside. (The CONTROLLER thinks for a moment.) CONTROLLER: I want the work figures for centre one-one-seven kept separate from general analysis. I want to take a special look at them. GIRL TECHNICIAN: Is there something wrong there? CONTROLLER: Perhaps...I want the work figures for all the factories in the central zone fed into the work computer - the results tabulated for me immediately. GIRL TECHNICIAN: Very good. CONTROLLER: See I get those figures. (He walks off, watched by the TECHNICIAN.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. WASTELAND (A blond male moustached guerilla - MONIA - walks through the wasteland and approaches a series of ruined brick buildings. His gun is constantly raised and he looks round warily. Satisfied that he is not being watched, he enters one of the buildings.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. GUERILLA CELLAR (He walks down a stairwell and into a darkened bleak cellar. There ANAT and BOAZ are arguing between themselves as they nervously smoke cigarettes. They fail to notice the arrival of MONIA.) BOAZ: Don't gloss over it, Anat, we failed! ANAT: We had no choice once our plan was known to them. BOAZ: If you'd listened to me, we still could have done what was needed. ANAT: We did all we could! (ANAT suddenly spots the new arrival on the stairs.) ANAT: Monia, our orders were to eliminate Styles, right? MONIA: Yes, but you failed. BOAZ: We could have succeeded. MONIA: Then why didn't you? ANAT: He wasn't there! Security guards found us. BOAZ: (Sneering.) But Anat went soft. MONIA: Be quiet. ANAT: (To BOAZ, angrily.) The trouble with you, Boaz is... MONIA: (Interrupts.) Both of you! We have to think now. The situation is different. BOAZ: As I see it, it's exactly the same - we still have a job to do. MONIA: No. There may be other ways. I've had a report from one of our contacts. A girl has been captured. They're holding her prisoner at the control centre. ANAT: The same girl - the one who operated the time module at Styles' house? MONIA: It fits your description. ANAT: Well, at least she's alive. BOAZ: In the hands of the Daleks? She won't live long. MONIA: Can she tell them anything? BOAZ: Nothing of importance. Have they picked up that Doctor yet? MONIA: Not yet. It's only a matter of time. [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. WORK CENTRE (A procession of emaciated, ragged men and women carry containers of gravel and tip it into a skip under the cries of a GUARD.) GUARD AT WORK CENTRE: Move! Move! Come along there, you scum! (The DOCTOR rounds a corner and seemingly unseen, watches the proceedings with a grim look on his face.) GUARD AT WORK CENTRE: Move! Come along there, move! Move! Go on! (Having seen enough he turns to leave but sees two more guards heading in his direction. He turns the other way but runs straight into an OGRON. The creature clubs him to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. CONTROL CENTRE GUEST SUITE (The CONTROLLER and JO sit cross-legged on large cushions on the floor of a brightly lit guest suite. Its walls are metallic and the design is, like elsewhere in the centre, futuristic and functional. The CONTROLLER passes JO a plastic container full of fruit, mainly grapes.) CONTROLLER: Some more grapes, Miss Grant? JO: (Smiles.) No thanks, really I couldn't. That was a fabulous meal. CONTROLLER: Oh, it was just a light snack, I assure you. Now later on, I have a real treat in store for you - a banquet of genuine twentieth century food. Because I'm afraid most people don't eat like this nowadays. We've managed to get down the main food elements to pills and tablets. JO: (Hesitantly.) Look, I don't want to seem ungrateful... CONTROLLER: Something's worrying you? JO: Well, you did say you might be able to get me back - to my own time, I mean. CONTROLLER: Our scientists are working at it, but time travel is a very difficult, it's a very dangerous business, you know? JO: The guerilla's machine got me here easily enough. CONTROLLER: That was a lucky fluke, I assure you, nothing else. You could just as easily been killed. JO: Then what about the Doctor? You did say something about rescuing him. CONTROLLER: There is something I have not told you. JO: (Alarmed.) About the Doctor? Look, is anything wrong? CONTROLLER: He has been seen in our time zone...with the criminals who attacked you. Doubtless they kidnapped him. JO: Where is he now? CONTROLLER: Oh, don't worry. We're on his track. I expect news of him at any moment now. JO: Can I help you find him? CONTROLLER: Unfortunately no. You have to stay here for your own safety. JO: (Puzzled.) My safety? CONTROLLER: If those criminals saw you here, they might think that you had betrayed them, and in any case...they would try and harm you. (JO looks over to the entrance where a burly guard stands on duty.) JO: Is that why there's a guard on the door? CONTROLLER: Exactly. He is there simply for your protection. (The GIRL TECHNICIAN enters the room with a report card in her hand.) CONTROLLER: (To JO.) If you will excuse me a moment? (He gets up and walks over to the GIRL TECHNICIAN.) CONTROLLER: Well? GIRL TECHNICIAN: A message, sir. (She hands him the card. JO watches anxiously as he reads it. He then turns and smiles warmly at her.) CONTROLLER: I have good news for you. We have found your friend, the Doctor. JO: Is he all right? CONTROLLER: Don't worry. I can assure you he is alive...and well. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL INTERROGATION ROOM (But that is far from the case. An near unconscious DOCTOR, stripped of his jacket, is hauled across the barred room by two OGRONS and dumped into a chair. The DOCTOR'S eyes open and the SENIOR GUARD, stood to one side with a whip in his hand, speaks up.) SENIOR GUARD: Well? Perhaps now you'll tell us who you are? (The DOCTOR recovers his breath.) DOCTOR: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. SENIOR GUARD: You're a spy! DOCTOR: Am I? Who am I spying for? (The GUARD steps forward and stands over him.) SENIOR GUARD: I'm asking the questions. I repeat - you're a spy! DOCTOR: That wasn't a question - that was a statement. SENIOR GUARD: Careful - our friends here don't get much fun. (The DOCTOR glances at the OGRONS.) DOCTOR: Poor fellahs. I'm sorry I can't oblige them at the moment. I'm not in the mood for games. SENIOR GUARD: All right! (He places the whip on the DOCTOR'S shoulder and then under his chin.) SENIOR GUARD: I want to know what you're doing here. (The DOCTOR loses his temper and smartly pushes the whip away.) DOCTOR: I've already told you what I'm doing here. I'm looking for a girl called Jo Grant! (An electronic buzzing is heard in the room.) SENIOR GUARD: Who's she? Another spy? DOCTOR: Don't be stupid, man! (The buzzing comes from a wall panel which glides upwards into the ceiling. A pudgy middle-aged cold-faced man dressed in a light grey tunic stands beyond the panel.) MANAGER: Well? SENIOR GUARD: He's not exactly being cooperative. MANAGER: Isn't he? That's very foolish of him. Have you told him what will happen if he doesn't cooperate? SENIOR GUARD: I've even given him a free sample. MANAGER: Don't worry - leave him to me. I know how to deal with his sort. (The GUARD approaches the MANAGER.) SENIOR GUARD: I only need a bit more time. MANAGER: Out! SENIOR GUARD: (Smiles.) All right...but we'll be outside if you need us. (To the OGRONS.) Come. (The three walk out and the MANAGER approaches the DOCTOR as the panel slides shut again. He stands look coldly down on the prisoner as the panel reaches the floor but once it has done so, his whole manner changes and he leans forward and whispers conspiratorially to the DOCTOR.) MANAGER: Which group are you from?! DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) What? MANAGER: Quick - we haven't much time! Who sent you? DOCTOR: Look, nobody sent me. I'm not a spy or a guerilla. I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. MANAGER: For heaven's sake man, I'm trying to help you! (The panel starts to rise again and once more the MANAGERS attitude and manner undergoes a transformation. He stands back up and starts shouting at the DOCTOR as the CONTROLLER enters the room.) MANAGER: Admit it! You're a spy! CONTROLLER: Is this the man? MANAGER: Yes, Controller. CONTROLLER: (Silkily.) Then why is he being treated in this fashion? (To the DOCTOR, effusively.) My dear Doctor, I cannot apologise enough! I am the Controller of this region. You're a very elusive fellow, you know? I've had quite a job in tracking you down. (A very confused DOCTOR stands up.) DOCTOR: Then I'm glad you finally succeeded! CONTROLLER: I've been looking forward to meeting you. You are an honoured guest of our government. DOCTOR: You surprise me. CONTROLLER: I'm sorry if the Ogrons were a little...uncivilised. It was all a misunderstanding, I do assure you. The whole thing has been sorted out now. (He looks over to the guard from the guest suite who stands waiting to one side.) CONTROLLER: Now, make sure that the Doctor is taken immediately to the guest room at regional control. DOCTOR: Frankly, I don't know whether I can stand much more of your hospitality! CONTROLLER: A very great friend of yours is waiting for you there. DOCTOR: Miss Grant? CONTROLLER: Yes. DOCTOR: Is she safe? CONTROLLER: Of course. Looking forward to seeing you. I shall follow later. (He looks over at the guard and as he does so the MANAGER gives a small shake of his head at a questioning DOCTOR.) CONTROLLER: In the meantime, the guards will take good care of you. Please? (He gestures and the DOCTOR walks out, followed by the guard. A puzzled MANAGER approaches the CONTROLLER.) MANAGER: What's going on? Who was he? CONTROLLER: That is no concern of yours. MANAGER: As you wish, Controller. CONTROLLER: What does concern you, however, is the production quota for this factory. MANAGER: There have been difficulties. The workers are... CONTROLLER: (Interrupting.) Your production figures have been consistently lower than any other factory in the central zone. MANAGER: I'm sorry. Things will improve - I promise. CONTROLLER: Indeed they will. For the next work period, targets are to be raised...by ten percent. (The MANAGER'S incredulous reaction is that same as that of the CONTROLLER earlier.) MANAGER: That's impossible! I can't do it! CONTROLLER: Then I shall just have to find someone who can, shan't I? And you know what that will mean, don't you? To you...and to your family. MANAGER: Please, I...I didn't mean it, I...I'll do it somehow. CONTROLLER: (Smiles.) Good. We'll just regard this as a...friendly warning, shall we? MANAGER: Thank you, Controller. You're very kind. (The CONTROLLER walks out and the wall panel descends again. As soon as he is gone, the MANAGER opens up a small grey box on a nearby table and takes a small hand-held radio out. He speaks into it...) MANAGER: (Into radio.) ZV ten to Eagle, ZV ten to Eagle, do you connect? MONIA: (OOV: Over radio.) We connect - proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. GUERILLA BASE (MONIA listens on a similar radio as ANAT listens.) MANAGER: (OOV: Over radio.) Time's short. They're getting suspicious. A man was here. A stranger, caught on the grounds. MONIA: (Into radio.) Identify. MANAGER: (OOV: Over radio.) High intelligence. They call him Doctor. (ANAT and MONIA react with surprise.) MANAGER: (OOV: Over radio.) I don't know who he is, but he's important. They're taking him to the guest suite at control. MONIA: (Into radio.) Do you know why he's important? [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL INTERROGATION ROOM MANAGER: (Into radio.) No. Check your source at control point... (The MANAGER is interrupted as a huge hairy arm clamps down on his shoulder. He spins round and sees that he is face to face with an OGRON. Like the DOCTOR before him, he is clubbed to the ground. The OGRON walks out as MONIA'S voice continues to come out of the dropped radio.) MONIA: (OOV: Over radio.) ZV ten? ZV ten, do you connect? ZV... [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. GUERILLA BASE MONIA: (Into radio.) ...ten? (He gives up.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. CONTROL CENTRE GUEST SUITE (His jacket back on, the DOCTOR reclines on a cushion with a plastic glass in his hand. A girl technician holds out a large frosted glass beaker for a re-fill. The CONTROLLER sits between the DOCTOR and JO.) CONTROLLER: Some more wine, Doctor? DOCTOR: No, thank you, no, not for me. Though I must admit, it's an excellent vintage. Well, it's the finest I've tasted since, erm, well, since we had dinner at old Styles' house. Do you remember, Jo? JO: (Wistfully.) It seems a long time ago. DOCTOR: Yeah, it was. Two hundred years, to be precise. And quite frankly, I wish I was back there now. CONTROLLER: Naturally, you prefer the twentieth century, Doctor. After all, it is your own time. DOCTOR: Oh, I've known many times. Some of them much more pleasant than others. JO: Well, I quite like it here, I must say. Everyone's been most kind. (The CONTROLLER gives her a smile and a nod of thanks.) DOCTOR: Well I met some people today who were far from kind. CONTROLLER: That was a simple mistake, Doctor, I assure you. You must not jump to conclusions. DOCTOR: Well, better than jumping from the crack of a whip from some security guard. Do you run all your factories like that, Controller? (The smile has left the CONTROLLER'S face. He stares coldly at an unfazed DOCTOR.) CONTROLLER: That was not a factory, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm, then what was it? CONTROLLER: A rehabilitation centre. A rehabilitation centre for hardened criminals. DOCTOR: Including old men and women - even children? CONTROLLER: There will always be people who need discipline, Doctor. DOCTOR: Now that's an old fashioned point of view, even from my standards. CONTROLLER: I can assure you that this planet has never been more efficiently, more economically run. People have never been happier...or more prosperous. DOCTOR: Then why do you need so many people to keep them under control? Don't they like being happy and prosperous? JO: You're being a bit unreasonable, Doctor. DOCTOR: Am I now? JO: Well look, the Controller wants to help you. DOCTOR: Does he? I wonder why? JO: You're not on the side of the criminals, surely? They wanted to kill you! DOCTOR: When I meet a regime that needs to import savage alien life-forms as security guards, I begin to wonder who the real criminals are. JO: Those creatures aren't really savage. CONTROLLER: Exactly. They are simply...guard dogs. They just do what I tell them. DOCTOR: You mean there aren't enough humans around that will follow your orders so blindly? CONTROLLER: That is not what I was saying. DOCTOR: Isn't it? Then what you're saying is that the entire human population of this planet, apart from a few...remarkable exceptions like yourself, are really only fit to lead the life of a dog. Why? CONTROLLER: (Furiously.) You have no right to say that! DOCTOR: Haven't I? Who really rules this planet of yours? (The CONTROLLER is silent for a moment. He then gets to his feet.) CONTROLLER: I'm sorry. I must go. I have work to do. (To JO.) You will excuse me. (He walks stiffly out. An embarrassed JO moves closer to the DOCTOR.) JO: You shouldn't have spoken to him like that. You don't know the whole picture. (The DOCTOR wags a finger at her.) DOCTOR: Neither do you, Jo, neither do you. (He points after the departed CONTROLLER.) DOCTOR: That man is no more than a superior slave himself. Humans don't rule this world any longer, Jo. JO: (Puzzled.) Well then, who does? DOCTOR: The most evil, ruthless life-form in the cosmos - the Daleks! [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DALEKS' CHAMBER (The DOCTOR is being watched. The silent image from the guest suite appears on a monitor in the DALEKS' chamber watched by the CHIEF DALEK and the CONTROLLER.) CONTROLLER: Is it the same man? CHIEF DALEK: The physical appearance does not match our data. CONTROLLER: Then it is not your Doctor? CHIEF DALEK: The appearance of the Doctor has changed before. CONTROLLER: And how will you find out? CHIEF DALEK: We will use the mind analysis machine. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. CONTROL CENTRE GUEST SUITE DOCTOR: (To JO.) Right, now do you understand exactly what to do? JO: Yes, ready when you are. DOCTOR: Good. (They both stand. JO remains where she is while the DOCTOR goes and stands to one side of the doorway.) DOCTOR: Right - now. (JO suddenly starts to scream in a panic and then cries out...) JO: Help! Help! Help! (A puzzled OGRON enters the room walking past the hidden DOCTOR. He springs forward and karate-chops the creature but it fails to have an effect. The OGRON spins round and swings an arm at the DOCTOR but he dodges the blow. The DOCTOR then rains blow after blow down on the OGRON but it seems impervious to them. It grabs the DOCTOR but JO has come up behind it with the wine beaker in her hand and she crashes this down on the back of the OGRON'S skull. The creature falls to the ground.) DOCTOR: Pity - that was rather a good vintage. JO: What? DOCTOR: It doesn't matter - come on. (He grabs her hand and his cloak from the floor and they run from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. CENTRAL CONTROL (They run out of the entrance to central control and into a pillared forecourt. The DOCTOR spots a three-wheeled motortrike and he runs towards it. The DOCTOR starts it up and jumps on, JO climbing on behind him. They speed off as OGRONS and guards run out and start giving chase.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. DALEKS' CHAMBER (The CONTROLLER stands before the DALEKS as an alarm sounds.) DALEK: The prisoners have escaped. They have broken through the outer perimeter. CHIEF DALEK: Find and exterminate them! CONTROLLER: We need them alive! CHIEF DALEK: The prisoners will be recaptured and returned here for mind analysis! [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. WASTELAND (The motortrike makes its way through the wasteland, past a security camera with OGRONS in full pursuit. The DOCTOR is making good progress, JO holding on tight, when they see more OGRONS straight ahead and swerve round. They run easily over flat ruined foundations but the trike suddenly stops dead when it hits an obstruction. OGRONS point their guns straight at the DOCTOR'S head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. GUERILLA CELLAR (MONIA descends the steps and into the guerilla's base. ANAT and BOAZ are anxiously waiting.) ANAT: Well? MONIA: Been captured. Taken for processing. We must rescue him. BOAZ: Rescue him? Are you mad?! From there? MONIA: I say we must! BOAZ: Suicide. MONIA: Are you afraid? BOAZ: Me? Of course I am. I'm not a fool. What is he to us? MONIA: We have fresh information from one of our contacts at control centre. He is the sworn enemy of the Daleks. He is the one man they're afraid of - don't you see? It's our only hope. If we don't act quickly, it may be too late. [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. DALEKS' CHAMBER (A jacketless DOCTOR lies on a table in the DALEKS' chamber. He is firmly restrained by a metallic strap across his chest. His head is braced and he wears a metallic band across his forehead which has a central disc on it. Swirling sounds fill the room and the DOCTOR seems paralysed by the effect of the operation on him. On a screen over the doorway appear still images of his two previous appearances over strange multi-coloured patterns. The DALEKS are triumphant...) CHIEF DALEK: You are the Doctor! You are an enemy of the Daleks! Now you are in our power! You will be exterminated! DALEKS: You will be exterminated! You will be exterminated! You will be exterminated! You will be exterminated!

The Doctor forces the guerrillas to take him to the 22nd century where he is soon captured by the Controller.

fd_Charmed_05x08

fd_Charmed_05x08_0

[Scene: Manor. Front porch. Phoebe and Miles are there.] Phoebe: So, here we are. Miles: Front porch. Phoebe: Yeah. Where all good dates end. Miles: What about great dates? Phoebe: Oh, no, great dates never end on the front porch. Miles: So that only leaves one question. Was this a good date or a great date? Phoebe: I'll tell you in a second. (They lean in for a kiss but is interrupted by Piper and Leo carrying groceries to the door.) Piper: Heads up! Pregnant lady coming through with groceries. Here we go, people. (Piper goes inside.) Phoebe: What's wrong with Piper? Leo: Oh, they gave us paper instead of plastic. (Leo goes inside.) [Cut to inside. Foyer.] Leo: What was that about? Piper: Oh, tell me about it. I practically needed a crowbar to pry them apart. Leo: I meant with you. Piper: Me? Phoebe's the one with the puppy love eyes. Doesn't that bother you? Leo: No, it-it doesn't. Should it? Piper: Yes. Miles is not her type and she would see that if she wasn't on the rebound. Leo: Okay, I don't think so. I think he's a nice guy. Piper: He just got divorced. Leo: So did she. Piper: He's wearing cologne. Leo: Oh, and that's a bad thing. Piper: And he's a computer programmer? He works with numbers all day. You know how is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common. (They walk into the parlor.) Leo: You're right. We-we should just vanquish him. Piper: All I'm saying is she needs to slow down or she's gonna get hurt. (Paige and her date pops their heads up from the couch where they were busy making out.) Paige: Hey. Little quiet here? Piper: What is this? A brothel? Paige's Date: You didn't mention that. I'm a little short on cash. (They lay back on the couch. Phoebe and Miles walk in through the front door and go upstairs.) Piper: Oh, no, they're going upstairs, should I stop them? Paige: No. Only if you wanna make a total ass of yourself. But that's up to you. Piper: Oh, shush. (to Leo) I'm telling you. After the demon divorce heartbreak and now this miss-match relationship, she's gonna get hurt big time. Leo: Okay, well, you're gonna get hurt big time if you go upstairs and try to get in between whatever's going on. [Cut to Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe and Miles stumble in, kissing. They rip off their clothes and make their way to the bed.] Miles: Are you sure you're ready? Phoebe: Mm-hm. Miles: You know we don't have to. Phoebe: I know. Miles: I mean, we could just... Phoebe: Why? Miles: I'm so glad you feel that way. (They lay on the bed and kiss. Phoebe receives a premonition. In the premonition, Miles gets caught in a police shootout and is shot dead. The premonition ends.) Where'd you go, are you okay? Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Leo is there having breakfast. Piper and Paige walk in.] Piper: So how come we've never met your couch buddy before? Paige: He's more than a couch buddy. His name is Max and I think he might actually have some potential. Piper: Oh? Leo: Mm, define potential. Paige: Okay, Mr. Leo, I will. He is wickedly smart, perversely funny and has just the right touch of weird style for me. (Phoebe and Miles walk in.) Phoebe: Hi! Piper: Oh, look who's coming to breakfast. Phoebe: Good morning. Everybody, this is Miles. Piper: Did you guys have a nice night? And morning? Miles: Actually, yes. Piper: Well, at least he's honest. Phoebe: (to Miles) Oh, why don't you take something for the road. (Miles takes a muffin.) And don't forget about our lunch date. Miles: Uh, do you want to meet at the bistro or at my work. Phoebe: Oh, definitely at work. And then we'll just walk there. Miles: Okay. Don't worry, I'll let myself out. (They quickly kiss and then kiss again this time longer. Piper, Paige and Leo feel awkward.) Nice meeting you. (Miles leaves. Phoebe sits at the table.) Phoebe: Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles. Piper: You guys are already getting freaky? Phoebe: No, I had a premonition. He got caught up in a police shootout and he died. Paige: Shootout? That's so wild west. And besides, don't you normally have premonitions about the evil nasty people? Phoebe: Yeah, usually but not always. Leo: Your powers are growing, it doesn't surprise me that you're able to detect natural threats as easily. Phoebe: Natural or supernatural, it doesn't really matter. I would appreciate if one of you could come to lunch with me to back me up. Because if something happened to Miles, I just, I would be devastated. Piper: Uh, Phoebe, well, this sorta sounds like Miles is an innocent we may be supposed to protect. You're not supposed to fall in love with the innocent. Besides, you've only known him three weeks. Phoebe: Okay, I think that's a little insensitive. Piper: Okey-dokey, then there's this. (Reads from the newspaper.) A rebound romance burns fast and hot like a shooting star and leaves the rebounder blind to the flame out ahead. Phoebe: Who wrote that psycho babble? Paige: I'll read from the Ask Phoebe column to Rebounding and Rockport. Phoebe: Look, the point is Miles makes me feel... he just makes me feel and it's really beautiful. So could you please just be happy for me? Paige: Aw, toots, I'm happy for you. And if you want, I've got a lunch date, but I'll cancel to go with you. Leo: Actually, I think we'll have a better chance of protecting Miles with Piper's freezing power. [Scene: Outside a building. Piper and Phoebe pull up in front of it.] Phoebe: We should have brought Paige, at least she could orb. Piper: Hey, it wasn't my fault we got stuck behind an accident. Phoebe: Okay, (looks at her watch) 1:15, I'll run in, you try the cell phone. I hope he's still here. (Phoebe gets out of the car and runs towards the building. Piper tries the cell phone but can't get through. A truck pulls up beside Piper's car, blocking her in.) Piper: Hey, hey, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. You're blocking me in. Driver: You parked in a loading zone, lady. Piper: I am not parked. I am sitting here with the engine running. If you just move up I will get out of your way. Driver: Too late. I already stepped outside of my vehicle. Piper: Well, get your butt back inside your vehicle and move it. I need to get out. Driver: Don't worry, I'll be back in a minute. Piper: I don't think you understand. This is an emergency. Driver: Not mine. (Phoebe runs back over to the car. They hear sirens.) Phoebe: He's gone. Oh, no. Piper: This idiot is blocking me in. Phoebe: It's only two blocks, let's run. (Piper gets out of the car and they run down the street. They stop.) Okay, this is the street. Right or left? Piper: You're asking me? Phoebe: What do we do? I don't remember. Piper: Pick one. Left. Phoebe: Okay. (They run left.) [Cut to a walkway. Miles is walking down towards the bistro. A teenager runs down the walkway and stops when two police cars block the exits. Cops gets out of the car and points their guns. Miles is stuck in the middle.] Cop #1: Get down and on the ground! Cop #2: SFP! Drop your weapon! (Piper and Phoebe arrive.) Phoebe: Piper! (The teenager shoots and Piper freezes the bullets in mid-air.) Piper: Hurry, move fast. (Phoebe goes over to Miles and plucks the bullets out of the air.) Phoebe: Ow, hot, hot, hot. (She runs over to the teenager and takes the gun out of his hand and puts it on the ground. She runs back over to Miles and stands behind him.) Unfreeze it. Piper: How are you gonna explain...? Phoebe: I don't know, I'll figure something out. And thanks, I owe you one. (Piper unfreezes them all and Phoebe dives on Miles, pushing him out of the way.) Teenager: Okay, okay, I give up! Cop #2: Down on the ground! Get down on the ground! (The cops cuff the teenager. Piper goes around the corner out of sight from Miles.) Miles: Where'd you come from? Phoebe: I wanted to surprise you for lunch. Surprise! Miles: You saved my life. Phoebe: Oh, it was nothing. Miles: It was my life. Phoebe: Yeah. Miles: I should be dead right now. Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not, that's good. Miles: You saved my life. Phoebe: I think we've been over that part. Miles: Did I thank you? Phoebe: No, but you can tonight. What do you say to a candlelit dinner? I'll kick my sisters out of the house. (They kiss and Phoebe gets a premonition. In the premonition Miles is sitting at the dining room table and suddenly a knife is thrown into his chest and kills him. The premonition ends and Phoebe gasps.) Miles: Are you okay? Phoebe: No, I'm not actually. Miles: Come on, let's go get some coffee. (They leave. The brick wall swirls and a warlock walks out of the wall.) Warlock: "Concealeous." (A hedge moves across to block the portal.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Cole's apartment. Cole is lazing on the couch eating takeaway. The warlock blinks in.] Cole: Who the hell are you? Warlock: Name's Bacarra. I was sent here from the future. Cole: Well, can't say I've heard that one before. Bacarra: Allow me to offer proof. (He pulls out a wedding ring out of his pocket.) Recognise this? (He throws it at Cole and Cole catches it. He gets up and walks over to a small box where he pulls out an identical ring. (Cole pushes Bacarra against the wall.) Cole: Where did you get my wedding band? Bacarra: You gave it to me, when you sent me with a message. Phoebe's in danger. (Cole lets go of Bacarra.) Cole: What kind of danger? Bacarra: She saved a man's life today. Problem is he was destined to die. Somehow she got a premonition she wasn't supposed to get. Cole: Angel of Death never gives up a claim. Bacarra: Of course not. That's why death keeps coming for this mortal. But your ex-wife falls in love with him... Cole: She falls in love? Bacarra: Sorry to break the news. For the next six months she tries to save him over and over until she loses her own life in the process and that's when you sent me back in time to tell you to kill this man. Cole: I see. I'd never get her back if I killed an innocent. Especially one that she loved. Bacarra: He's not an innocent. He's meant to die. You'd only be giving death a helping hand. And saving yourself a lot of future pain. Cole: A warlock who wants to save me pain. Who are you? (Cole sits back down.) I'd never send a warlock with a message this important. Bacarra: You had no choice. If you left your throne it wouldn't be there when you got back, your rivals would steal it. Cole: What rivals? What throne? Bacarra: In the future, sooner than you might think, you're gonna rule the Underworld again. I'm your adviser. Of course I advised you against this, but, uh... Cole: I'd never turn back to evil, it won't happen. Bacarra: It does happen. You united demons and warlocks who left the Underworld to its greatest power in history. You're the future of evil, man. (Cole gets up and throws a fireball at Bacarra. Bacarra blinks out of the room and blinks back in behind Cole.) You said you'd react that way. Well, I guess it's up to me to get the job done. Wish me luck. (He blinks out.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. The are dozens of bunches of red roses all over the room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Phoebe is looking through the Book of Shadows.] Piper: A dozen, dozen roses. How many roses is that? Leo: A hundred and forty-four. Piper: What do you think he's trying to say? Phoebe: Okay, so based on what I saw, a demon attacks tonight with an athame, so if we wanna figure out a vanquish, we have to find out what it is. Paige: Well, what do your premonitions have in common? How do they fit together? Phoebe: Well, they don't necessarily have to fit together. Leo: Based on my experience, one's a premonition, two is a pattern. Phoebe: Or just really bad luck. Miles stumbled into a police shootout today and a demonic shootout tonight. Piper: So you think the demon is after us? Phoebe: Wouldn't be the first time. Paige: I don't know, I think there's something after Miles. Phoebe: Okay, well, we can explore that theory later. Piper: Honey, why are you trying to minimise this? Phoebe: Well, why is everyone else trying to make a bigger deal out of it than it is. Piper: Probably because we're following our instincts and not our hormones. Phoebe: Ouch. Leo: Until we know for sure, I think we should take steps to protect Miles. Phoebe: Okay, well, I'm already all over Miles. I mean, with you know, the protection stuff. I even cancelled our dinner for tonight. Paige: You think that's such a good idea? If something's after him, our best chance to find out what is if you go through with your plans. Piper: She's right. We can surround him with the family for protection. Phoebe: You mean like a family dinner? Piper: Mm-hm. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: Really? Piper: Yeah. Phoebe: Are you cooking? Piper: Probably. Phoebe: Then I'd better get ready. [Time lapse. Foyer. Phoebe is dressed for dinner. She opens the door and Miles stands there holding a bunch of flowers.] Phoebe: Yay! More flowers. Miles: I know, (they kiss) lacks originality but they're a lot easier to carry than what I really wanted to give you. (They head for the dining room.) Phoebe: Oh yeah? What was that? Miles: Beachfront property. (They kiss.) Hey, you saved my life. Uh, you know, we can always eat later. I'm not really that hungry... for dinner. (Piper clears her throat. Miles sees Piper, Paige and Leo sitting around the dining room table.) What happened to the candles and the romance? Phoebe: Well, um, unfortunately our plans have changed. I just really wanted you to get to know my family. I hope you don't mind. Paige: Phoebe's said so much about you, we just wanted to get to know you a little better. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. Piper: Although, probably not as much as we just did. Phoebe: Okay, okay, let's eat. (Phoebe guides him to the table.) Here next to Leo. (Phoebe hands the flowers to Piper.) More flowers. Piper: Yay. (Phoebe sits at the other side of table next to Paige. Piper puts the flowers down and sits next to Miles.) [Time lapse. Dining room. Everyone is finishing dinner.] Miles: You should have seen Phoebe dive out of nowhere. She-she could have easily been killed. Phoebe: And I would do it all again. Piper: Yeah, that's Phoebe. Friend to all. Would risk her life to save a stray dog. (There's an awkward silence.) Paige: So she's says that you have a cabin in Tahoe? Miles: Near heavenly. Phoebe: He's gonna take me there next weekend. Paige: Ohh. Leo: So you're a big skier? Phoebe: He used to ski competitively, you should see the pictures he has up on his wall. (Cole appears in the kitchen and Piper sees him.) Piper: Excuse me. (She gets up and goes into the kitchen.) Cole: Is Phoebe okay? Piper: Oh, no you don't. She's having dinner with a guy. She's fine. Cole: Listen to me, I got a visit from a warlock and he is after her guy. Piper: Okay, well, thanks for the tip. We'll handle it. Cole: Well, I'll stay here on stakeout to help. Piper: No, you can't. Look, warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we can not. You have to get out of here before she sees you. Cole: Wait, did she get a premonition today? Did she save some guy's life? (Phoebe starts clearing the table.) Piper: Quick, she's coming. Go. (Cole disappears. Phoebe walks in with the dishes and puts them on the bench.) Phoebe: Hey, look, I know you think Miles and I have nothing in common but... Piper: Later for that. Look, there is a warlock after Miles. I just found out, don't ask me how but you need to get back in there. Here, take these. (She picks up a tray of desserts.) Phoebe: Uh-oh. Piper: What? Phoebe: Miles was killed while we were serving dessert. (Phoebe runs into the dining room. Bacarra blinks in holding a knife.) Look out! (Bacarra throws the knife and Phoebe dives over the table, pushing Miles out the way. The knife hits a chest of drawers. Piper runs in and tries to freeze him.) Piper: He won't freeze. Paige: Blow him up. (Bacarra recites a spell and Piper tries to blow him up. Bacarra flicks his arm and a blue light hits Piper, knocking her backwards.) Leo: Piper! (Leo rushes to Piper's side.) Phoebe: Paige, the athame! Paige: Athame! (The athame orbs into Paige's hand and before she can throw it, Bacarra causes the chandelier above the table to fall. He blinks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is flipping through the Book Of Shadows.] Paige: This warlock is not in here anywhere. Piper: Miles is still out cold. Leo: You sure you don't want me to heal him? Piper: No, he's just got a bump on the head, he'll be okay. Leo: Okay, well, he's lucky to be alive. That was one powerful guy that attacked him. Paige: I just don't understand how a warlock this strong can not be in this book. Piper: Well, I didn't have a chance to tell you guys yet. Cole dropped by right before the attack. He knew it was coming. Paige: Figures he's involved in this. Piper: No, I'm not so sure. He was trying to warn us. We need to find out what else he knows. Leo: I wanna check with the Elders, see what they know about our innocent. Clearly he was the target of attack tonight. Piper: Hurry back. (Leo orbs out.) Paige: Should we tell Phoebe about Cole? Piper: No, she's got enough to worry about tonight. [Cut to the living room. Phoebe is sitting on the couch beside Miles, dabbing his forehead with a towel. Miles wakes up.] Phoebe: Hi. Miles: Hey. Phoebe: How you doing? Miles: Okay, I think. What happened? Phoebe: What do you think happened? Miles: I don't know. I remember you jumping over the table and then, I don't know. Phoebe: What happened was mouldy plaster and a really heavy chandelier. (He looks over at the broken chandelier on the dining room table.) Miles: Are you trying to tell me you saved my life again? Phoebe: Yeah. Miles: Okay, I'm having a really bad day here. Phoebe: Or a really good day depending on how you look at it. You escaped disaster twice. That's two more times than most people can say in a life time. Miles: I'm starting to think you should stay by my side until my luck changes. Phoebe: Maybe you're right. (Phoebe leans over and kisses Miles and receives a premonition. In the premonition, Miles leans against a railing on a balcony. The railing comes loose and Miles falls to the ground.) Miles: Your kisses kill me. Phoebe: Right back atcha. (Phoebe looks over at Piper, who's watching from the kitchen.) [Scene: An apartment. A younger Bacarra bursts through the door, wielding an athame.] Young Bacarra: Come out, witch! (He looks around.) I know you're here. (The older Bacarra blinks in.) Bacarra: Calm down, you're embarrassing me. Young Bacarra: Who are you? Bacarra: You. I remember being here. Let's see now, the witch you're looking for has the power of invisibility, right? "Aspectus invisus." (The witch becomes visible.) Young Bacarra: How'd you do that? (The witch tries to run away but Bacarra grabs her.) Bacarra: "Sopio." (The witch falls asleep. He lays her on the floor.) I'm not here to hurt you. I need you. We're taking over the Underworld. Young Bacarra: What'd you just say? Bacarra: You heard me. I came from the future on a different mission. But this is a much better plan. (He spots a potion cupboard.) Ah. (He walks over to it.) Young Bacarra: Look, even if you are me we can't... Bacarra: I am and we can. Do you know what I just did? I faced all three Charmed Ones. I was only expecting one but there they were. And here I am, still alive. Young Bacarra: Yeah, so? Bacarra: So my knowledge in magic I realise we can take them out. Of course we'll need to steal their Book of Shadows first, but, uh... Young Bacarra: That's crazy. Evil can't touch that book. Bacarra: Sure it can. A little blood from their line and a spell from the future. Young Bacarra: What spell? Bacarra: To cloak ourselves in goodness. And don't worry, it wears off. Young Bacarra: Book of Shadows. If we got that, we-we'd be revealed as lords. Bacarra: Now that's the spirit. Let's get to work on this spell. [Scene: Cole's apartment. Piper, Paige and Cole are there.] Paige: You could've told us he was a Jedi Master warlock. Cole: I didn't know. Piper: Well, what do you know? Cole: His name is Bacarra. He claims to be a future associate of mine. Paige: How's he know that? Cole: Because he was there. Piper: In the future? Cole: He came to tell me that Phoebe dies in six months from trying to save her boyfriend from the Angel of Death. Piper: Oh, no, we're screwed. Paige: No, it's not all bad. Now that we know it's after Miles, we can vanquish it. Piper: No, you can't fight Death. If it's Miles' time to go, there's nothing we can do. I told Phoebe rebounds never work. Cole: Bacarra told me I could save Phoebe's life by taking out this Miles. I refused. Paige: That must be why he attacked at the manor, to do the job himself. Piper: Wait a second, why is a warlock helping you in the future? Cole: It really doesn't matter. I'll help you find Bacarra before he kills anyone. Paige: Well, that's not such a bad idea considering you sent him here... or will send him here, whatever. Cole: Just keep your guard up. Bacarra knows things that we don't. And do whatever you can with Phoebe, she needs to let Miles die. It's the only way to save her life. [Scene: Miles' apartment. Phoebe and Miles are there sitting on the lounge, drinking wine.] Miles: Why are you so nervous? I'm the one with all the bad luck. Phoebe: I know, I just think I'm still a little tense. Miles: When I'm feeling tense, that's where I go to relax. (He points at the balcony.) Phoebe: That old, rusty balcony? (She laughs.) Miles: Yeah. I sit out there, I look at the stars. What do you say? Phoebe: No, are you kidding me? I'm keeping you away from high places and sharp objects and loose wiring. You're restricted, mister, to a soft matress and fluffy pillows. [Cut to the hallway. Piper, Paige and Leo walk out of the elevator and head for Miles' apartment.] Leo: So the Elders won't confirm or deny that Death wants Miles, so I basically took that as confirmation. Piper: Still, why would Phoebe get premonitions off a guy that she's not meant to save? Leo: Miles just isn't any guy, I mean, they have an intense connection. Physically and emotionally. Paige: So what, you think their love connection opened up some sort of psychic connection? Piper: Either that or her damn the world attitude. Paige: Okay, Leo, we can take it from here. (Leo orbs out. Paige knocks on Miles' door and he answers it.) Miles: Hey. Paige: Hi, sorry to interrupt, is Phoebe here? It's kind of a family emergency. Miles: Yeah, okay, sure. (Miles moves away from the door and Phoebe walks out. She closes the door behind her.) Phoebe: Hey, what's the emergency? Piper: Um, we have a strong reason to believe that it's, um, it might sort of be Miles' time to die. Paige: Yeah. [Cut inside Miles' apartment. Miles walks out onto the balcony and leans on the railing. A bolt comes loose from the railing.] [Cut to the hallway.] Paige: Cole said he sent the warlock back from the future because you're gonna die trying to save Miles from the Angel of Death. Phoebe: So you want me to let this guy that I really care about die because Cole says so? Piper: Phoebe, this has nothing to do with Cole. You know as well as I do that you can't stop death. Phoebe: This has everything to do with Cole. Paige: It's not just Cole saying it, Leo thinks that, you know, it might also be Miles' time to die. Phoebe: Leo thinks? He thinks? That's the best you got? That's the air tight case you came here to present to me? Piper: Phoebe, we are just trying to save you from a hell of a lot of heartbreak. Phoebe: I know, sweetie, and I appreciate it and I love you both for it but I am really happy, Miles makes me really happy and I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to try to protect him. Piper: But you can't. You've gotta let him go, he's gotta move on. You know the Angel of Death... Phoebe: Okay, enough about the Angel of Death. A warlock wants Miles. You saw him and I saw him. So now let's vanquish him. Come on. (She pushes them towards the elevator.) Please, come on. Paige: Be careful. Phoebe: Go, go, go. Piper: We're going. (Piper and Paige leave.) [Cut to the balcony. The railing gives way and Miles falls from the balcony but he manages to grab onto the railing post.] Miles: Help! Somebody help me! I need help! Phoebe! (Phoebe rushes in the room.) Phoebe: Miles? (She runs onto the balcony.) Miles: Phoebe, help me! Phoebe: Miles! (She grabs onto his arm and tries to pull him up.) Miles: Pull me up! Phoebe: Hang on! (Phoebe pulls him back up onto the balcony. They hug each other tightly. He pulls away, frightened.) Miles: Get away from me. Phoebe: What? Why? Miles: Something's wrong with me, or-or-or-or after me. You're gonna get hurt. Phoebe: No, it's-it's-it's... Miles: I'm serious, Phoebe. You have to go. Phoebe: Okay, look, Miles, whatever you're going through, whatever is, whatever is happening to you right now we're gonna get through this. Together. Miles: I'm scared. Phoebe: I know. (They hug and Phoebe receives another premonition. In the premonition, Phoebe and Miles are asleep in bed. Cole walks into the room and looks over them.) Not again. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige walk in.] Piper: Phoebe is never gonna let Miles die voluntarily. Paige: I can't say I blame her. Piper: Me neither, but we've gotta do something fast before she really falls in love with that guy. (Bacarra blinks in.) Paige: Ah! Piper: Then there's our other problem. Paige: Ah, blow him up. Piper: And get knocked on my ass again? (Bacarra throws an athame at Piper and she freezes it in mid-air. He chants and wiggles his fingers. The athame unfreezes and hits Piper in her shoulder. She is knocked into some boxes. Paige rushes to her side.) Paige: Piper. (Younger Bacarra blinks in, holding a vile of potion. Paige pulls the athame out of Piper's shoulder.) There's two of them. Young Bacarra: "Teleportato." (The athame disappears from Paige's hand and reappears in Young Bacarra's hand. He drips a drop of blood from the athame into the vile. Piper's shoulder heals and sits up.) Piper: What's he doing? (Young Bacarra drinks the potion and walks over to the Book Of Shadows. It glows for a second and he picks it up.) Bacarra: Don't worry, we'll take good care of the book. (The two Bacarra's blink out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Paige and Leo are there.] Piper: I don't know how he did it, he just took it. He drank some weird potion with my blood in it. Maybe it's some weird future magic. Leo: It's impossible. One warlock does not have the power to steal the Book of Shadows. Piper: No, there was two of them, but they were they same guy. They tag teamed us. Paige: Who cares how they did it, you guys. They stole the Book of Shadows, it's gone and I'm not entirely sure what could be worse. Piper: We could be dead. Paige: Yeah, well, we're gonna be soon without it. Leo: It's okay, we're gonna get the book back, we just need to stay calm and stay together. [Scene: Miles' apartment. Phoebe and Miles are in bed. Miles is asleep and Phoebe lays there awake. She looks over at Miles and then gets out and goes into the living room.] Phoebe: Okay, I know you're here so you might as well just come out. (A video rack morphs into Cole.) Cole: I realise this doesn't look good. Phoebe: Cole, you've sunk low in the past but I never dreamed that you would murder my boyfriend. Cole: I'm not here for Miles, I'm here for Bacarra. He's out of control and I'm not gonna let him hurt you. Phoebe: Oh, so you're here to protect me? Cole: That's right. Phoebe: Okay, well, stop with the protecting. I am over protected. You have to let me live my life. Cole: You're not gonna have a life with Miles. Death wants him, Death is gonna get him. Phoebe: Says you. Cole: Why are you holding onto him so tight? Phoebe: You lost your right to ask me that kind of question a long time ago. (Phoebe's phone rings. She answers it.) Hey. Paige: Hey, Phoebe, demon attacked, we need you. Meet me out front Miles' apartment, I'll orb you out. Phoebe: Well, I can't leave Miles alone. Paige: No, a warlock stole the Book of Shadows, Phoebe. He's not just after Miles, he's after us. Phoebe: Oh my god, okay, uh, I'll wake Miles up and bring him with me. Cole: You don't have to do that, I'll take care of him. Phoebe: Hold on. (to Cole) Are you kidding me? Cole: If I kill him, you'll never trust me. Paige: Hello? Miles: (from bedroom) Phoebe? Phoebe, where are you? (Cole disappears. Miles walks out of the bedroom.) Paige: Hello? What's going on? Miles: Did I hear you talking to someone? Phoebe: (on phone) Uh, meet me outside. (She hangs up.) I have to go. There's a family emergency. Miles: Is everything okay? Phoebe: Yeah, I hope so, I'm taking a really big risk here. Miles: I don't know, what if my life needs saving while you're gone. Phoebe: I think you'll be safe tonight. [Scene: An apartment. The two Bacarra's are there. Bacarra is mixing together a potion. The younger Bacarra is flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Young Bacarra: I knew their magic was good but I had no idea. Bacarra: Careful with that. Young Bacarra: There's a vanquishing spell in here for every demon we've ever met. Nobody's gonna challenge us. Not even Cole. Bacarra: Only one spell in there matters to us now. Young Bacarra: To disempower a witch. Bacarra: I'm almost done mixing the ingredients that will infuse the magic. Young Bacarra: Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a second, it says here you need a fresh human heart. Bacarra: Not a problem. (Bacarra goes over to a witch lying on the floor. He reaches in her chest and pulls her heart out.) [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there.] Phoebe: Do we know how Bacarra even got here? Leo: The Elders think that he used a time ripple. Whenever something stops a destined event from occurring, it sends a ripple through time. A powerful warlock like Bacarra could have used it if he knew the place where destiny was cheated. Piper: Well, that would be where Phoebe and I saved Miles. Phoebe: Whoa, I can't believe we're still on this. Death isn't after Miles, Bacarra is. And look, I'm not crazy, I just caught Cole staking out Miles' apartment to try and intercept him. Paige: Yeah, Bacarra didn't pull the trigger in the alley, okay. Phoebe: But how do we know? Maybe mind control is one of his future powers? Piper: Okay, let's not argue about how he got here. He's here and he's got our book. Paige: Okay, that book holds a centuries worth of magic that he can use against us. Great. Piper: Too many spells and potions to remember, let alone defend against. Phoebe: We're dead. Piper: Again. Paige: And again. (Phoebe sighs.) Leo: Ladies, death can not be feared. For death, in time comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights. Piper: Honey? Leo: Yeah? Piper: Zip it. Leo: Okay. I thought it was worth a shot. Phoebe: I actually think Leo is right. I mean, we've been through this before, we can't get scared just because Bacarra has the Book of Shadows. Paige: In fact, maybe the book has been holding us back. Bacarra knows exactly what we're gonna do because he knows exactly how we're gonna fight. Piper: Okay, so if we're gonna vanquish him, and we will, we need to change our tactics. We need new potions, new spells, stuff that he's never seen before. Let's go. Break. (The girls get up and head for the attic.) Leo: That's what I was trying to say. [Cut to the attic. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there working on spells and potions.] Phoebe: Okay, the obscuring fog spell is done. We can use this if we need to fog up the joint for cover. So that makes nine defensive and fourteen offensive spells. Piper: Okay, we've almost got all the new spells bottled. (The two Bacarra's blink in.) Bacarras: "For the passing of this hour, take away all their powers." Piper: Huh? What does that mean? Paige: I don't know but I don't like that smug look on their faces. (She throws a potion at them and nothing happens.) Okay, that didn't go so well. Phoebe: Okay, how about this? "We call upon Medusa's bones, turn their flesh into stone." No, okay, Piper, blow up something. (Piper tries to blow them up and nothing happens.) Piper: I got nothing. Paige: I can't orb. (The two Bacarras recite a spell and a ball of flame forms in their hand.) Piper: Leo! (Paige quickly grabs an athame and Bacarra throws the ball of flame at her, turning her into dust. They throw another at Phoebe, turning her into dust. Leo orbs in.) Leo: Oh my god! Bacarra: And then there were none. (Leo dives on Piper as Bacarra throws another ball of flame at her. He orbs out with her just in time.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The walkway where Miles was saved the first time. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is crouched down against a wall bawling her eyes out.] Piper: Leo, why are we here? Do you realise that I think I just watched my sisters die? Leo: This is the alley where you saved Miles. Just try and stay calm. We still have a chance. Piper: A chance? I just saw my sisters get incinerated, Leo, you can't heal ashes. Leo: I don't wanna heal them, I want to set destiny back on track. (Piper gets up.) Piper: What? It's already happened, there's nothing we can do. Leo: Not necessarily. The time ripple Bacarra opened is gonna stay open until he goes back through it and returns to his time. (Leo touches the brick wall.) Piper: What are you looking for? Leo: A hidden door. It's gotta be around here somewhere. If we can find it we can travel back and rewrite history like Bacarra did. Make it so none of this ever happened. [Cut to the manor. Attic. The two Bacarras are there.] Bacarra: The Underworld belongs to us. Young Bacarra: Which one of us? Bacarra: Still distrustful. But don't lose that quality, it'll help us go far. Now call the meeting of the demonic leaders and demand your rightful position, don't wait another second. Young Bacarra: What are you gonna do? Bacarra: Return to the future where I belong. You can catch up with me in about six months. [Cut to the walkway. Leo and Piper are still looking for the ripple.] Leo: If we can find the ripple it should send us back. It's an infinite slipstream through time. Piper: Well, what if it carries us forward? Leo: It won't. Bacarra used it to get here, so it'll keep flowing backwards until he enters it to reverse it. Piper: Okay, so we're going back. What if it takes us too for back? Leo: Well, we could wind up with tails. What time did Phoebe save Miles yesterday? Piper: A little after one. Leo: Okay, well, use your watch. (Piper continues to touch the wall and comes to a spot where she nearly falls through.) Piper: Found it. (Leo moves the hedge out of the way. Bacarra blinks in.) Bacarra: "Debilito!" (Leo dives on Bacarra and holds him down.) Leo: Go now! Bacarra: No! (Piper walks into the ripple.) [Cut to in the ripple. Piper watches images of the day rewind backwards, faster and faster. She checks her watch and walks out of the ripple a couple of minutes before Phoebe saves Miles. She runs off.] [Cut to outside a building. Piper's car pulls up. Phoebe gets out and runs towards the building. The delivery truck pulls up beside Piper's car.] [Cut to inside the car. Piper puts down her cell phone. Suddenly, future Piper jumps in the car.] Piper: Whoa! Future Piper: Whoa-whoa-whoa, don't panic, I'm not a demon. Okay, I'm you, obviously, from the future. Piper: Apparently not very far in the future, I just bought that top. Future Piper: Listen to me, Miles has got to die. It's his time, it's his destiny, and if Phoebe saves him today she'll be killed by a warlock along with Paige. Piper: Wait a minute, slow down. Why would a warlock...? Future Piper: Because Phoebe falls in love with Miles and she just keeps saving him until... Don't argue with me, okay, we don't have time for this. Just let Miles die. Piper: Look, I don't know who you are or what you are, but how do you... (Future Piper pinches her on the arm.) Ow! What'd you do that for? (Future Piper shows her arm to reveal matching bruises.) Future Piper: When Phoebe asks left or right, go to the right. Piper: What are you talking about? Future Piper: Just remember right and when it is all over, make sure Phoebe knows this was just meant to be, okay. Oh, and by the way, the next time she falls for a guy, do not stand in her way, okay? (Future Piper leaves.) Piper: I'm not standing in her way. (Phoebe runs back over to the car.) Phoebe: He's gone. (She hears the sirens.) Oh, no. Piper: This idiot is blocking me in. Phoebe: It's only two blocks, let's run. (Piper gets out of the car and they run down the street. They stop.) Okay, this is the street. Right or left? Piper: Good question. Phoebe: What do we do? I don't remember. Piper: I don't know, Phoebe, I don't know here. Phoebe: Piper, come on. Piper: Right, go right. (Phoebe takes off.) Oh, god, forgive me. (Piper follows Phoebe. Police cars pass them in the opposite direction.) Phoebe: We're going the wrong way, it's behind us. (They turn around.) [Cut to the walkway. Miles is shot in the chest and he drops to the ground, dead. Piper and Phoebe run around the corner. Piper tries to hold Phoebe back but can't and she runs over to Miles. Tears well up in Piper's eyes and she looks across the walkway to see future Piper there. Future Piper nods and vanishes.] [Scene: Manor. Phoebe's room. Phoebe's there with her headphones on bopping away to the music. Piper and Paige walk in holding plates of food.] Piper: Phoebe, can we... (Piper whistles. Phoebe turns off her walkman and removes the headphones.) Phoebe: Oh, okay, how long have you guys been standing there? Paige: Long enough to know you've got some serious eighties dance moves. I guess you don't need comfort food. Piper: Whatcha doing? Phoebe: A little laundry. Piper: Mm-hm, yeah, you don't do laundry. Phoebe: Yeah. Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: No. Is this chocolate chip? Piper: Mm-hm. (Phoebe takes a cookie off the plate.) Phoebe: I'm never gonna be okay losing an innocent. You know, and I just, I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that I wasn't supposed to save him. Paige: Wasn't Miles a little bit more than just an innocent to you? Phoebe: I think I wanted him to be, for all the reasons Piper said. But I just have to concentrate on me right now, you know, and not be afraid that I may never find love again. Piper: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. You will definitely find love again. Phoebe: You think? Piper: Actually, I know. And I for one can guarantee you that when it does happen for you I will not be holding you back. At all. Phoebe: Thanks... I think. Paige: Piper, is there something that you know that we don't know? Piper: Well, let's just say I had a little premonition of my own. (Piper leaves the room.) Phoebe: Hey! Paige: Piper, hey! (Phoebe and Paige follow Piper.)

Phoebe inadvertently opens a tunnel in time by repeatedly saving the life of her new boyfriend Miles, who is destined to die. The time tunnel provides a pathway for a warlock from the future named Baccara to team up with his present self and steal the Book of Shadows . With the help of his present self he steals the Charmed Ones powers and kills Phoebe and Paige. Piper manages to escape with Leo's help and uses the time rift to travel back in time. There she gets her past self to prevent Phoebe from saving Miles, changing time and setting history onto its right track.

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DOCTOR WHO THE ARK IN SPACE BY ROBERT HOLMES PART ONE 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Run, Doctor! Run! NOAH: Stay, Vira, stay... Abandon the Ark, Vira! Take the transport ship. Leave now. If you stay, you are doomed. VIRA: That would be desertion! NOAH: Then, you must die - all of you! When the Wirrn emerge, you will be hunted down and destroyed, as you destroyed us! SARAH: (To NOAH.)We've never destroyed... (To the DOCTOR.) What does he mean? NOAH: Long ago... Long ago, humans came to the old lands. For a thousand years, the Wirrn fought them, but you humans destroyed the breeding colonies. The Wirrn were driven from Andromeda. VIRA: Andromeda? So our star pioneers succeeded? NOAH: Since then, we have drifted through space, searching for a new habitat. The Ark is ours! It must be ours! DOCTOR: But the Wirrn live in space. You don't need the Ark! NOAH (OOV.): You know nothing! NOAH: We live in space, but our breeding colonies are terrestrial. DOCTOR: But you could leave the Ark and go on. There's plenty of room in the Galaxy for us all. NOAH: In the old lands, senseless herbivores, cattle, were the hosts for our hatchlings. Now we shall use the humans in the Cryogenic Chamber. We shall be informed with all human knowledge. In one generation, the Wirrn will become an advanced, technological species. We shall have power! VIRA: That proposition is genetically impossible! NOAH: I already have all Dune's knowledge! High-energy physics, quantum mechanics... Every ramate in the next hatching of Wirrn will possess the sum of your race's learning. NOAH (OOV.): That is why you must die! DOCTOR: Time to leave. NOAH: Leave the Ark, Vira, or die with the rest of your race! [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: Something must've happened to them. ROGIN: If we go out there, it might happen to us! HARRY: I think we ought to investigate. ROGIN: There are no lights in the rest of the Ark area. After what happened to Lycett I want to see where I'm putting my feet! HARRY: Well, you should worry! HARRY (OOV.): Doctor! HARRY: It's taken you long enough to get here! I was worried stiff! DOCTOR: We bumped into Noah. ROGIN: Again? DOCTOR: Yes. Quite chatty this time. Garrulous, even. VIRA: You've got the power on. ROGIN: No, Commander, I'm using photon energy. Just enough to run the lights. HARRY: (To the DOCTOR.) Well, what did Noah say? SARAH: Vamoose or stick around and get killed. HARRY: I'm ready to go! Doctor? DOCTOR: Anyone for a jelly baby? HARRY: Why don't we all just pile into the TARDIS? DOCTOR (OOV.): No? VIRA: TARDIS? HARRY: Yes, a sort of spaceship thing in there. There's plenty of room for all of us. DOCTOR: Vira has no intention of leaving the Ark, have you? VIRA: I can't. DOCTOR: Of course you can't. So neither can we. SARAH: Oh, well... that settles us. DOCTOR: Besides, we can't let the Wirrn eat through the cryogenic sleepers as though they were a lot of... HARRY: Jelly babies? DOCTOR: Exactly! Let them be turned into surrogate humans? It's the most immoral suggestion! ROGIN: How can we stop them? DOCTOR: High-voltage power. If we can somehow send enough electrical power through the bulkheads of the Cryogenic Chamber... SARAH: Like an electric fence? DOCTOR: Yes! The Wirrn would never dare to cross it. The only problem is we don't have electrical power and they control its sources - the solar stacks. HARRY: We can forget that idea, then, can't we? SARAH: Doctor... DOCTOR: (Not listening.) Unless we can lure them out of the infrastructure... SARAH (OOV.): No, wait a minute! VIRA: How can we do that? DOCTOR: Bait! Human bait! One of us could distract them for a few moments, I might be able to get down there and turn the power on! SARAH: Doctor, will you listen... DOCTOR: Sarah, we're trying to make a plan! VIRA: It won't work, Doctor, if they have Dune's knowledge, they'd simply turn it off again ! DOCTOR: Not if we electrify the switch itself. ROGIN: That would take a long time. Those switch boxes are non-conductive. DOCTOR: Well, we can't do without oxygen indefinitely! (To SARAH.) What was that you were trying to say, Sarah? SARAH: I was just wondering about the transport ship that Noah mentioned. DOCTOR: What about it? SARAH: Surely it has its own power system, doesn't it? ROGIN: Four granavox turbines! That ship can generate twice the power of the Ark! DOCTOR (OOV.): How can we reach it? VIRA (OOV.): Here's the connecting ramp. It's less than a hundred meters from this control room. ROGIN: The only trouble is how do we run a cable from the ship to the Cryogenic Chamber? If it's in the open, they'll cut it. DOCTOR (OOV.): Aren't there conduits? ROGIN: Yes, but they're only about this wide. (He shows an estimation with his hands.) We'd need a mechanical cable runner. SARAH: Why can't I take that cable through? (They all turn to face her.) Well, I'm about that wide! HARRY: It's hardly a job for you, Sarah! ROGIN (OOV.): I reckon she might just squeeze through, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good girl, Sarah! Come on. We'd better hurry. The Wirrn are going to start moving any moment. You four go to the transport ship and I'll start wiring up the Cryogenic Chamber! [SCENE_BREAK] ROGIN: This is the transport ship. And here's the conduit. We'll connect one end up here. You have to drag the other end through. Do you think you can manage it? SARAH: I'll have to! VIRA: Good luck. HARRY: It seems very narrow, Sarah! (To VIRA.) Does that lead straight to the Cryogenic Chamber? VIRA: No, there are many junctions. HARRY: How is she going to find her way in the dark? VIRA: We'll give her a two-way radio from the ship. We have a plan of the conduits. We can guide you. ROGIN (OOV.): All right, Commander! [SCENE_BREAK] ROGIN: Beautiful! We could head straight home to Earth now! Nothing could stop us! VIRA: You've completed all checks? ROGIN: Yes...Commander. VIRA: Right, waste no more time. Give the girl the radio. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: How are you doing, old girl? SARAH (OOV.): How do you think I'm doing? Twit! HARRY: I'm sorry! I thought you were stuck! [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH (OOV. On the radio.): Hello, Rogin? Hello? I've reached another junction, a sort of Y-fork. ROGIN: That's good. You're more than halfway there. Now, take the right conduit. Do you understand? SARAH (OOV.): Got you. ROGIN: Yes. Sarah? SARAH (OOV.): Yes? ROGIN: The section you're in now runs right through the infrastructure. Move as quietly as you can. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: (Whispering.) Understood. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Oh...! [SCENE_BREAK] ROGIN (OOV.): Now, it's the second opening you come to on your left. You understand? SARAH (OOV. On the radio.): Yes. Rogin... is it much further? ROGIN: No, about another fifteen meters. You're almost there! SARAH (OOV.): Oh, I hope so! Don't think I can go on much longer... VIRA: Yes, you can! HARRY: Come along, Sarah! Stick at it! [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: That's the trouble! I keep getting stuck! HARRY (OOV. On the radio.): Marvelous thing about old Sarah. Terrific sense of humor. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, Sarah! Hurry! SARAH (OOV.): Doctor! Where are you? DOCTOR: Straight ahead! Look - I'll shine a light. Can you see? SARAH (OOV.): Yes! Doctor, I can't move! DOCTOR: 'Course you can! You've got this far. SARAH (OOV.): No, I'm stuck! DOCTOR: Don't panic, Sarah, don't panic. Ease round and try again. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: I'm jammed! I can't move at all...! DOCTOR (OOV.): Stop whining, girl! You're useless! SARAH: Oh, Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: ''Oh, Doctor!'' Is that all you can say for yourself? Stupid, foolish girl! We should never have relied on you! I knew you'd let us down! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (OOV.): That's the trouble with girls like you! You think you're tough, but when you're really up against it, you've no guts at all! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hundreds of lives at stake and you lie there, blubbing! SARAH (OOV.): You...wait...till I get out! I can manage! I don't need your help, thank you! DOCTOR: Yes, you do. Yes, you do! SARAH: Ow! Ow! Go away! DOCTOR: You've done marvelously, Sarah! I'm very proud of you, I really am, I'm very proud of you! SARAH: What...? Conned again! You're a brute! DOCTOR: Me, a brute? Don't be ungrateful! I was only encouraging you! Come on! SARAH: Hello, Rogin? [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH (OOV. On the radio.): The Doctor's connecting the cable. ROGIN: Beautiful. Let me know when to switch the power through. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Close the door to the access chamber, Sarah. SARAH: Argh! DOCTOR: (To ROGIN.) Are you ready? ROGIN (OOV. On the radio.): Yes! DOCTOR: Switch on now! ROGIN (OOV.): Right! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Not bad for a lash-up! SARAH: Has it gone, do you think? DOCTOR: Reporting to the others. They'll know where we are now. VIRA (OOV. On the radio.): Hello, Doctor? Are you all right down there? DOCTOR: For the moment. [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: You lack confidence? DOCTOR (OOV. On the radio.): The Wirnn don't give up that easily. They need the Ark. How is it at your end? VIRA: There's been no sign of them in this part of the Ark. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: (Whispering.) Doctor... DOCTOR: (In the radio.) I think we've got some more visitors. Don't let the power drop! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Gone away. SARAH: I think so. I can't hear anything now. DOCTOR: Either discretion is the better part of valor or... SARAH: Or what? DOCTOR: Or they're planning something. SARAH: Yes, but we're safe here, aren't we? DOCTOR: Unless they chew through the floor. I've left a free-running cable just in case. The insulation should stand up to it. SARAH: Argh!! DOCTOR: Cheer up! We're still on our feet! SARAH: Those things are so venomous! They'll never give up! DOCTOR: No... And neither shall we, Sarah! What we're protecting here is too precious. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Why have they turned the power back on? DOCTOR: We'll find out soon enough. NOAH (OOV. On the intercom.): Vira? Can you hear me? DOCTOR: She can hear you. What do you want, Noah? NOAH (OOV.): Your resistance is useless. We control the Ark! DOCTOR: And we control the Cryogenic Chamber! I repeat - what do you want? [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: We offer you safe passage from the Ark. Surrender now and your lives will be spared. DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): Not a chance! NOAH: What does Vira say? DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): She agrees with me, don't you, Vira? [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH (OOV. On the intercom.): Let Vira speak! She is the commander! DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): She's busy - resuscitating more humans. [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH (OOV. On the intercom.): You lie! DOCTOR: Listen, Noah! Now, hear me. You're beaten! The Ark is of no value to you without its humans, so why don't you just leave us in peace? [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: Humans require two mass pounds of oxygen a day to stay alive, Doctor. We Wirrn can live for years without fresh oxygen. If you refuse to surrender, we shall shut down the oxygen pumps. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: And if we surrender? NOAH (OOV. On the intercom.): I have said - you will be allowed to leave the Ark. DOCTOR: The Wirrn hate all humans. Once we step outside the Chamber, we'd be attacked. [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: I am the swarm leader. I guarantee your safety. The Wirrn will spare your lives... but leave the sleepers for us! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Noah, listen to me! If there's any part of you that's still human, if you've any memory of the man you once were, leave the Ark! Lead the swarm into space. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): That's where the Wirrn belong, Noah. Not on Earth, not where YOU were born. Remember the wind and the sun, the fields, the blue sky... That's Earth, Noah. It's for the human race. Don't abandon it. NOAH: I have... no memory... of the Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: I say, Rogin, I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think I saw something moving! ROGIN: You're right! They're coming up the funnel. (To VIRA.) Commander. VIRA: Start Starboard 4. ROGIN: Starboard 4. Running. VIRA: Negative thrust out. ROGIN: Neg thrust... out. VIRA: Full boost. ROGIN: Full boost. And...check. VIRA: Close boost. ROGIN: Close boost. VIRA: Close Starboard 4. ROGIN: And close Starboard 4. HARRY (OOV.): I bet that singed their whiskers! ROGIN (OOV.): They won't try that again. VIRA: I wonder if Noah... ROGIN: Noah? VIRA: Not important. DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): Are you all right over there? HARRY: Ahoy there, Doctor! Yes, we're fine, thanks. DOCTOR (OOV.): We heard a rocket engine. HARRY: Just a warning blast. How are things with you? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: All right at the moment. HARRY (OOV. On the intercom.): Good. DOCTOR: Keep in touch. SARAH: I don't know if it's my imagination, but it seems to be getting stuffy in here. DOCTOR: It's your imagination. SARAH: You'd say that anyway! [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: They're coming in through the reversion vents! ROGIN (OOV.): Look at them! There's a whole army of them out there! VIRA: Doctor, the Wirrn have space-walked round the Ark and have broken into our cargo hold. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: How many of them are there, Vira? VIRA (OOV. On the intercom.): We cannot say. But it looks like the entire swarm's attacking. DOCTOR (OOV.): How long will it take them to reach your control deck? VIRA (OOV. On the intercom.): A few minutes only. The interior bulkheads have a low stress factor. DOCTOR: Tell Rogin to cut the power! We're coming out! [SCENE_BREAK] ROGIN: Power off, Doctor. DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): Good. Set the controls on automatic take-off and evacuate the ship! Hurry! VIRA: We'll do as you say, Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, Sarah, come on! Run! Run! [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: It's crawling with the brutes! DOCTOR: Are you coming or staying? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Into the Ark as fast as you can! You too, Sarah! Harry, you go with the girls! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Rogin... help me with the synestic locks... ROGIN: I thought that was your idea! HARRY: What are you going to do, Doctor? DOCTOR: Just look after Sarah, Harry! DOCTOR: Leave this to me. ROGIN: You know what'll happen when you cut that lock? DOCTOR: There's no point in us both being killed by the blast! Get in the Ark, man! ROGIN: Don't want trouble with the space technicians' union! DOCTOR: What? ROGIN: That's my job! [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: They must have both died instantly. HARRY: Come on, Sarah! He'd have wanted you to be brave. VIRA: Doctor! Where's Rogin? DOCTOR: Rogin's dead. I woke up in a protection hatch. SARAH: Oh, Doctor! You're safe! DOCTOR: Yes. We're all safe now, Sarah, thanks to Rogin's bravery... and perhaps something else. VIRA: Something else? DOCTOR: Yes, some vestige of human spirit. Was Noah on our side and one step ahead of us at the end? VIRA: You mean by leading the swarm into the shuttle? HARRY: Look! VIRA: Space Station Nerva. NOAH (OOV. On the intercom.): Goodbye, Vira! [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: The shuttle's blown up! VIRA: He must've known that that would happen! Noah deliberately neglected to set the rocket stabilizers. DOCTOR: More than a vestige of human spirit. It can all begin now, Vira. Mankind is safe. VIRA: I must get my people back to Earth! Now that I have lost the transport ship, I should have to rely on the matter transmitter. DOCTOR: Yes. VIRA: It will be a long operation. It can only convey three people at a time. DOCTOR: Yes...it could if it was functioning properly. The signal's faulty. Probably the diode receptors. I'll just beam down and check them. SARAH: To Earth? DOCTOR: Yes, that's where the trouble is. Fetch me a coat from the TARDIS, will you? You never know what the solar flares have done to the weather. VIRA: It isn't anything serious? DOCTOR: What? Probably no more than a spot of corrosion. Whatever it is, it shouldn't take long to fix. And it'll give me a chance to see if the planet is fully viable again. What's keeping them? Sarah? SARAH (OOV.): Coming! SARAH: Here's your coat. DOCTOR: I don't remember inviting you two! SARAH: Er...no, you didn't. But here we are. HARRY: Well, the Brigadier did tell me to stick with you, Doctor, and orders is orders! DOCTOR: I hope you don't mind being left. VIRA: Well, I won't be alone for long. Life is returning to the Ark and soon to the world. DOCTOR: Have a jelly baby, Vira! VIRA: Oh...thank you. Thank you.

The Doctor tries to protect the humans still in cryogenic suspension from the Wirrn, who are determined to use Earth as their new breeding ground.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x15

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x15_0

The band is in McClaren's. Lily: Look. Three beautiful blondes drinking bad decision juice at 8am. Marshall: Pretty radar chest. This is my wife. Barney: No, I must go. Lily: Seriously? They are blond and stuffed. This is not your type? Barney: Maybe I did not like. My God, you think that the male spirit is really so simple, we all have a favorite type? Lord.Asian, big tits. I go to the bathroom, then I'm going. Lily: You noticed that Barney is weird lately? Ted: Actually, yes. You know, he never gives flowers to a girl, because living things remind babies? Lily: Yes. Ted: The other day I saw him in a flower shop on the 82nd, he bought roses. Robin: What? Marshall: Now that you say, Barney did something weird yesterday at the office. Flashback Barney is sitting in his office. Barney: OK, to Saturday. (Marshall is in the doorway) I was thinking of a brunch, and perhaps a hike. I love you too. End flashback Marshall: I thought he was talking to a girl he just wanted to jump. Or Ted, but now I know more. Lily: You think it is possible that Barney Stinson has a girlfriend? Barney: A plus. Lily: Wait. Where are you going? Barney: Nowhere. At the beach. It's winter. Laser Tag. At home. Shut up! It is you who are going somewhere. Barney leaves the bar. Lily: My God. He goes to see now. Everyone ran from the bar to catch Barney. They are all in a taxi and follow Barney. Marshall: Where is Barney? Ted: Yeah. It is even more in Manhattan. Where does this girl? Robin: We talk about a woman that Barney Stinson has worked. I vote for Narnia. Ted: He stops. Barney enters a house without knocking. Lily knocking on the door. Barney opens. Barney: What are you doing here? Lily: Where is she? Barney: Who? Lily: Your girlfriend. You did not really like, huh? Barney: These are my friends. Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin.Guys, here is Loretta. My mother. Loretta: Nice to meet you. I feel I already know you. Barney can not stop talking about you every day. Robin: You call your mother every day? Barney: Mom! Lily: So that's what we hide you? You did not want people to know that you're a momma's boy. Barney: Yes, you got me. I guess you can leave. A woman walks down the stairs. Woman: Hello. Robin: Hi. Woman: Who are these people? Barney: Ted, Marshall, Lily, Robin. I present to you Betty... my wife. And my son, Tyler. GENERIC Loretta: Betty and I are going to prepare dinner. There will be something for everyone. Betty: But forget, one meatloaf, after what was said Dr. Grossbard on your cholesterol. Barney: She wants me to live long. Betty: Guilty. I love you. Barney: Me too. Barney kisses. Tyler: Me-seven! Barney: Will in, little rascal! I'll see you at the bar? Robin: What's that, Barney? Barney: It's a long story. As you know, my father had to leave my mother when I was a baby because he became presenter of the Just Price. Robin: Very good program. Marshall: Bob Barker is your father. Barney: She had to raise my brother and I, all alone. And his only wish was that his son did not end up alone like her. And there seven years, she fell ill. Flashback Barney is c hospital alongside his mother. Barney: I do not think she was going to make. So I decided to fulfill his wish. Mom. This is Betty. We're engaged. End flashback Barney: I hired an actress to play my girlfriend "Betty". His real name is Margaret. It is mainly small theaters. Superb actress.In it a Moliere. I say no more. This is political. I should not talk about it. But there is a problem. Betty has a slight tendency to improvise. Flashback Barney: You see, Mom? I found someone who makes me happy. As you wished. Loretta: It's beautiful. I wish I could stay for small children. Betty: I'm pregnant! End flashback Barney: And then my mother went better. It was miraculous.But I had to keep "Betty" and make a casting to find my son, Tyler. Lily: It's crazy. Did you actually cast your own son? Barney: For a while, it was enough to borrow / keep the baby from neighbors. And once at Christmas, my mother was drunk at the grog, I went out with a bag of flour and a Chucky mask.But eventually I had to audition. Flashback Many children are before Barney, with numbers. Barney: four, eight... thirteen, you stay. The other, you can leave. Woman: You said if I slept with you, my son would have the role. Barney: Apparently I'm better actor than your son. Bring those from 11! End flashback Barney's son arrives in the lounge. Barney: And that's how the role of Tyler went to... Grant. Ted: Come on, Grant looks pretty good. Barney: Really? Look. Tyler? Tyler? Tyler? Grant? Grant: Yes? Barney: You see? This is amateur work. Believe me, the child stars had better possession in the 80s. Lily and Marshall go down the stairs. Lily: It sounds like your mother kept your child's room as you had left. Marshall: It's a huge Karate Kid poster above your bed. Barney: Karate Kid's a great movie. This is the story of a young karate enthusiast whose dreams led him to Karate Championship All Star Valley. Unfortunately, he loses in the final against another loser. But he learned an important lesson in accepting his defeat. Lily: Wait. When you watch Karate Kid, you are the wicked little blonde? Barney: No, I'm for the other loser from New Jersey who barely knows karate. When I watch Karate Kid, I'm for real karate kid: Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai dojo. Do not get dumber than you are, Lily. Ted: I just remembered where I know you. I saw you play at the theater of disorientation, Die heilige Johanna der Schlachth fe by Bertolt Brecht, last fall. You were a revelation! Betty: Really? Ted: Yes. Betty: Thank you. I know not, finally, the purpose of Brecht's work is of course... Ted and Betty:... to confuse people. Ted: Yes. Sorry. You got a Brechtophile before thee! Betty: You know it really theater. Ted: Mrs Theatre has won my heart once and has never left me. Every year at Christmas, I created a piece for parents with all the kids. Flashback Boy: Hey, Santa, do you think we can take off with this weather? Ted: Cut! Cut! Grandpa and Grandma will be there in half an hour, and you always skinned my words. I feel like I'm going to write, direct and play this thing. Give me your elf hat. Sit down. End flashback Ted: I always wanted to be an actor. It is this kind of dream that flies away with time. Betty: Look, if you want, I can give you advice as an actor. Ted: Really? Betty: I would love. Rule number one player... While Betty speaks with Ted, Robin sits on the couch next to Tyler. Grant: At least one person who still loves to play. I miss that. Robin: You do not like playing the son of Barney? Grant: I hate. But what can I do? I get no phone call. Robin: I know what it is. I am a presenter. But I had to accept a job on a morning show that starts at 4:30. I thought evolve much faster than that, you know? I'm almost 30 years. Grant: Come on, you're still beautiful. I love your new nose. Robin: I have not had surgery. Grant: That's it. Neither do I. Marshall and Lily are in the kitchen with the mother of Barney. Lily: I can not believe that there has never met you. Who knew that Barney's mother was so great? Loretta: Thank you, darling. Actually, I was not so perfect a mother when I was younger. Marshall: Do not say that. I'm sure you were great. Loretta: Yeah, I was rather a drag. Lily: I'm sorry? Loretta: A drag, darling. A dirty streak. I am not proud. But...Finally, I had fun. There's no pleasure as intense as... to watch a guy in the eye and say, "I do not know your name, and you either, but... the next eight minutes we're going to flinch foundations of this gas station toilet. " Then to proceed in opposite directions. And just drive. Marshall: Barney Mom? Loretta. Loretta: Finally, all this is history now. I did the best I could, but... Sometimes, I wonder how Barney was able to become so perfect. Marshall and Lily talk to Barney. Marshall: You must tell the truth to your mother, OK? Listen, this is a nice woman, loving, a little too direct that deserves better. Barney: No, no question. The truth would kill her. Marshall: I do not feel well to the idea of lying to a woman so warm, OK? It reminds me of my mother. What? Lily: Warm? Remember to marriage, I said we would be together forever? On our return down the aisle, your mother leaned over and said, "Not forever, darling. Marshall will go to heaven. " Marshall: She was joking. Lily: She hates me, Marshall. But that's okay, because...Forget. Marshall: You're going to say what? Lily: Nothing. You want to go do it again in the bedroom of Barney? Barney: On the bed "race car"? Marshall: The handles are great. Listen, Lily, if you learned something today, is that honesty is important in a family.Whatever your feelings about my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby. I think I can handle it. Lily: Really? I hate your mother. Marshall: You know what? I hate you! Marshall goes upstairs. Loretta: In two minutes, meat loaf! Tyler: Meatloaf? Tyler to love! Barney: We talked about it a million times! You get no slogan! Grant: But it's funny. Barney: I can make another cast. Will remember your sentences for the big dinner scene. Robin: Wait. You wrote that we will have dinner? Barney: Just a little script. Things that my mother will be pleased to hear. Robin: What kind? [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone is at the table. Betty: And I really thought that Barney had forgot our anniversary. So I rushed into the garden, smoke coming out of my ears. Barney: The nostrils dilated. They do it when she gets mad. I love it. As now. Like now! Betty: You better stop! Barney: Sorry, my little bear. Continues. You really like that for a relationship. Betty: So I go out raging in the garden, and... candles everywhere... and a string quartet. You come to believe? Lily: No, not at all. Loretta: And my boy Ty-Ty. What's new? Barney: Funny story, the other night, this little rascal had a nightmare. He came to tell us what it was, you remember what you said? Tyler: Well... Barney: Page 4... Tyler: The dinosaur bones at the museum have come back to life and chasing me? Marshall: Thank you very much, man. Tonight I will not sleep. Barney: Tyler said: "In my nightmare, mom and you did not know how much I loved you. So I'm here to say it was great...like that. " Loretta: It was cute. Barney: We're a happy family. Loretta: I will take a little ice in the freezer downstairs and make the ice creams in the kitchen. She gets up. Barney: No weak link in this scene. Bravo! Robin: Come on, Barney. You have no idea of the difficulty of getting a job beneath you. I really liked your tip on the bones of dinosaurs. Marshall: You can stop with that? Barney: Go and eat your ice. Grant: I can not. I'm lactose intolerant. Barney: Guess who is not lactose intolerant: Tyler. Tyler will go there and enjoy every bite. Loretta: It's time for ice! Barney: Yum! Loretta: My God! Ted and Betty kissing in the kitchen. Tyler: Tyler dislike. Barney: You're not gonna get us out a slogan. Loretta: I do not understand. Barney: I, yes. Follow me. I... been betrayed by my best friend.How could you do that, Ted? Think of the poor Tyler who tries valiantly to hold back tears. It's good my boy, you can cry.Weep! Tyler: I do not want my mom and dad divorced! Barney: What can you have to say for yourself? Flashback Betty: Rule number one player: "Do not be afraid to improvise." End flashback Ted: Is it I who betrayed, or that you have betrayed me? Barney: Sorry. What? Flashback Betty: Rule number 5 player: "Invent a rich backdrop for your character. " End flashback Ted: November 14, 1998. The night train to Monte Carlo. I was in the car pool arnaquant Algerians few thousand dinars, while thou s duisais my bride! Who is blind and took you for me. Barney: For God's sake, what are you talking? Flashback Betty: Rule number 8 player: "Do not be afraid to come to blows. " End flashback Ted slaps Barney. Ted: You know not well what I mean? Barney: No, not at all. He slaps him again. Ted: Of course I do! And for sure I'll hear you admit it, manure! Barney: Mom, you leave us a moment? Loretta: There was chocolate and caramel. There are lots of kinds of noodles and marshmallows. She leaves the kitchen and Marshall closes the door. Barney: You've lost your mind? Betty: You were amazing! You really become that character. Ted: Honestly, I played a really Ted, I tried not to be him. She kisses Ted. Barney: What's wrong with you? How do I explain this to my mother? Lily: It may be time to tell him the truth. Marshall: I know. Sometimes, honesty leads people to say bad things about the woman who always took care of me because I was the runt of the family. For God's sake, I'm just a 92 m! Robin is out with Tyler. Grant: How were my tears? Robin: Perfect. You see? Even in a role that you hate, you manage to love what you do. Grant: It may be like that in your new job. Robin: You think so? Grant: I know. Robin: Thank you, Grant. You're pretty smart, you know that? Grant Robin tends to its mouth, closing his eyes. Grant: We are sorry! I thought something was happening. Barney joined his mother in the living room. Loretta: Honey, you okay? Barney: Mom, I've got something to tell you. Something I should have told you long ago. Tyler is dying. And Betty said that when he is gone, it will go out. So it may soon be over. Loretta: My God! Barney: None of this is true! The truth is that... Betty and Tyler are actors I hired to pretend to be my family. Loretta: What? Barney: I just wanted you to think I had the life you wanted for me. I wanted you to be proud of me. It sounds crazy, and I'm sorry, Mom. Loretta: Well, Betty is not your wife? Barney: No. Loretta: thank you God! I do not like this woman. Barney: Really? Loretta: Yes. And Tyler... I know I am his grandmother and I'm supposed to love him, but I hate him. "Tyler not love! "What does that mean? Barney: Is it not? Loretta: With your fake friends over there, I wanted to shoot myself. Barney: I know! They are not horrible? So really, you angry with me? Loretta: I'm confused. I do not know why you thought having to do that. I love you, perfect family or not. I love you, no matter what. Barney: Really? Loretta: Really. Barney: I'm really relieved because in reality, I am also far from being a married man can be. My stories with women you would shock and horrify you. Loretta: Whatever. I love you always. Barney: Seriously, you can not imagine what I could do. Loretta: When you were 3 years old, I left you with a babysitter and spent three weeks with Grand Funk Railroad, from one guy to another like a bang. Barney: Mom! Loretta: Promise me one thing. If ever you meet someone special, do not run away. Do not like me. Take a chance, okay? Robin opened the door. Robin: The taxi is here. Barney: I'll try. They are all in a taxi, except Ted. Ted (2030): Thus ended one of the strangest afternoons of our lives. Lily: And I just wanted to say, if I was never cold or distant, I'm sorry. Robin: Who speaks it? Marshall: My mother. Lily: It mean a lot to me if we could be closer. Ted and Betty is in another taxi. Betty: Breathe loudly as if the result would be hard to say. I love you. Lily: I love you... Ted: Mom... He is also on the phone. Lily:... Mom. Betty: Do like I was nice. Lily: Do like I was nice. I mean, it's really nice of you, Judy.You too. See you soon. Marshall, Lily, Barney, Robin and Ted are in McClaren's. Marshall: That I understand that. You tell me when you watch Karate Kid, you're not in San Daniel? Barney: Nope! Ted: Who do you like in Die Hard? Barney: Hans Gruber, the villain class. At the end, it is trapped.This is the title character. Lily: OK, and Breakfast Club? Barney: The teacher who is watching. This is the only one who passes the whole movie in a suit. Robin: I have one. Terminator. Barney: What is the title, Robin? Who among us has not shed a tear when his small red eye goes to the end and he can not kill these people? Sorry. The film... Ted: I'll watch the film again with you. Barney: They even try to help!

The gang suspect Barney has a girlfriend after he suddenly leaves MacLaren's but realizes he has a wife and a son.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x08

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x08_0

THE DALEK INVASION OF EARTH 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. EDGE OF THE MINESHAFT (NIGHT) LARRY MADISON: It's a sheer drop! IAN: We'll have to go back. (They turn back but the SLYTHER has pursued them.) LARRY MADISON: The Slyther, Ian! It's coming straight for us! (Claw outstretched, the SLYTHER moves towards the two men. They back further towards the edge of the shaft and IAN sees that LARRY is about to fall.) IAN: (Reaching out to grab him.) Larry! (LARRY misses IAN'S grab and falls over.) LARRY MADISON: Ian! (He grabs the edge of a mining bucket that hangs over the shaft. IAN jumps onto the bucket and then into it as the SLYTHER gets closer. IAN reaches over to pull LARRY in.) IAN: Hold on Larry! (IAN pulls him into he bucket.) IAN: All right? LARRY MADISON: Thanks. IAN: Still coming. I hope it can't jump. LARRY MADISON: It's gonna try! (The SLYTHER jumps onto the edge of the bucket. IAN grabs a rock from the floor of the bucket and clubs the creature until it loses it grip and falls down the shaft.) LARRY MADISON: Let's get out of here. IAN: No...no...hang on a minute. Somebody might have heard us. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. DALEK CONTROL ROOM (The door of the control room slides upward and the BLACK DALEK glides into the room and up to one of its subordinates.) BLACK DALEK: There is no work party in shaft nine. Why? FIRST DALEK: The section is completed. The labour force is being assembled for clearing operations. BLACK DALEK: Work must proceed to schedule. There must be no delays. FIRST DALEK: All will be ready. The waste bucket in shaft nine is being lowered now. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. EDGE OF THE MINESHAFT (NIGHT) IAN: I think it's all clear now. LARRY MADISON: Might as well take a chance. We can't stay here all night. (The mine bucket shakes into life...) LARRY MADISON: What's happening? IAN: We're going down! (The bucket starts to descend.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. SEWER (The DOCTOR descends a ladder into another sewer. DAVID and SUSAN follow. The DOCTOR coughs into his handkerchief at the smell.) DOCTOR: Oh, dear, oh, well I must say - this is a nice state of affairs. We've barely covered a mile and here we are hiding down the sewers again. DAVID CAMPBELL: We're better to hide down here Doctor, than be caught by those Robomen. (TYLER shoots down the ladder after the other three.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Tyler, did they see us? CARL TYLER: Well, they were coming this way but they don't seem to know what they were going to do. SUSAN: How many? CARL TYLER: Two. Listen, I couldn't get the cover on, we'd better get under shelter. Doctor, Susan. (The DOCTOR and SUSAN join him.) DOCTOR: You do realise, of course, we shall have to let them both come down before we decide to defend ourselves. CARL TYLER: Well, we can take them one at a time. DOCTOR: Oh yes, just one. The other's bound to return and bring back reinforcements. CARL TYLER: If we stick together long enough, I'll learn to do what you say the first time. (The DOCTOR and SUSAN retreat to one side of the sewer out of sight. TYLER and DAVID stand near the ladder. Two ROBOMEN look over the hatch edge and into the sewer. DAVID prepares his pistol. TYLER does the same as the ROBOMEN descend the ladder. TYLER fires at the first one to reach the bottom but the pistol fails to work. He throws it to the ground and rushes the ROBOMAN. As they struggle, the second ROBOMAN reaches the bottom of the ladder. DAVID rushes to take aim with his pistol but he is near to TYLER and his adversary.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Move Tyler, move! (The ROBOMAN fighting with TYLER knocks DAVID'S arm as fires, therefore missing his aim. The four men are now in a hand to hand struggle. SUSAN sees DAVID'S attacker getting the upper hand and rushes to help as DAVID is knocked dazed to the floor.) SUSAN: No! No, ah! (The DOCTOR hits TYLER'S attacker twice with his walking stick, leaving TYLER to deliver the final blows. DAVID recovers and sees SUSAN struggling.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Susan! (He joins in but the ROBOMAN pushes them both to the ground. The ROBOMAN starts to climb the ladder to get reinforcements. TYLER grabs DAVID'S gun and shoots him dead.) DOCTOR: Ah, well, is everybody alright? Hmm? CARL TYLER: Yes. DAVID CAMPBELL: Yes, Doctor. (TYLER aims the pistol at the other unconscious ROBOMAN. The DOCTOR holds him back with his walking stick.) DOCTOR: No Tyler, no. I never take life. Only when my own is immediately threatened. Now then, let us make our way to this mine and then we shall know how to deal with these Daleks. Leave this creature to his own devices and salvation. Come along. (To TYLER.) You lead the way, my boy. Come along. (They walk off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. WOODS (NIGHT) (Clouds fill the night sky and lightning flashes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. HUT (In a meanly furnished hut in the woods, two thin emaciated WOMEN, one old, one young huddle in their rags. The sound of BARBARA'S voice is heard outside.) BARBARA: ... Jenny. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. HUT BARBARA: Hey, with this storm coming, we 'll be much better off inside. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. HUT (The two WOMEN hear the voices. They jump up in fear grabbing kitchen implements as flimsy weapons.) OLD WOMAN: Who's there? Who is it? (The door bursts open revealing BARBARA and JENNY. The YOUNG WOMAN screams.) OLD WOMAN: What do you want? BARBARA: We...we were...we're looking for shelter. OLD WOMAN: Just the two of you? Tired are you? BARBARA: Yes...yes, we are. JENNY: Barbara, I think we should be moving on. YOUNG WOMAN: Dogs'll catch you. JENNY: Dogs? YOUNG WOMAN: In the forest. BARBARA: Dogs? OLD WOMAN: Savage beasts. After the plague, they formed a pack. Where are you making for? BARBARA: The mine. (The OLD WOMAN looks at her companion.) BARBARA: We have friends there. We're trying to find them. YOUNG WOMAN: Nobody gets away from there - you'll be caught yourselves. OLD WOMAN: Oh, you're lucky to have got this far. The patrols pass 'ere. JENNY: Then how is it you're still free. They must know you're here? OLD WOMAN: Oh, they know alright - yes, they know. But we can't harm them. Besides, we make clothes for the slave workers. (The YOUNG WOMAN holds up some near rags to BARBARA who shrinks back.) OLD WOMAN: We're more use to them doing that than we would be in the mine. (BARBARA and JENNY step into the hut.) BARBARA: Er, how do you manage? F...for food, I mean? OLD WOMAN: Oh, they give us some in return for the clothes. We're hungry most of the time though. (JENNY closing the door behind her. BARBARA gets some tins out of her knapsack and passes them to the WOMEN.) BARBARA: We have some food here. You're welcome to that. OLD WOMAN: (With warmth.) Thank you, thank you. (To the YOUNG WOMAN.) Get the table ready, child. (The OLD WOMAN grabs BARBARA'S knapsack off her and starts rifling through the contents. BARBARA quickly snatches DORTMUN'S notes.) OLD WOMAN: Oh, have you got any more in here, oh yeah. (The OLD WOMAN takes another tin out, grabs a large knife and stabs a hole in the tin. She smells the contents and smiles at the two newcomers.) OLD WOMAN: In return you can sleep here for the night. You can make your bed out of this cloth. (She takes BARBARA and JENNY into a corner of the hut.) OLD WOMAN: Come on, child. Come on. You'll be nice and comfortable there. (The OLD WOMAN leaves BARBARA and JENNY to make their bed. She goes to the YOUNG WOMAN, gives her a pile of the clothes and whispers instructions to her. The YOUNG WOMAN goes over to the door and opens it, attracting BARBARA and JENNY'S attention.) YOUNG WOMAN: I have to go out to deliver these clothes. OLD WOMAN: Your meal will be ready when you get back, child. JENNY: Go out? In this weather? OLD WOMAN: Oh, they're waiting for her. BARBARA: What about those dogs you talked about? OLD WOMAN: Oh, she'll follow the patrols. YOUNG WOMAN: I'll follow the patrols. (She scurries out.) OLD WOMAN: She'll come to no harm. She's done it often enough. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. HUT (The YOUNG WOMAN shivers outside in the storm as she listens to the faint voice of the OLD WOMAN talking to BARBARA and JENNY.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. HUT OLD WOMAN: ... help me with the food. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MINE SHAFT (The bucket carrying LARRY and IAN is still descending into the depths of the mine.) LARRY MADISON: Still no sign of the bottom. IAN: No. How long do you think we've been going down now? LARRY MADISON: Must be nearly twenty minutes. It's getting warmer, isn't it? IAN: Yes. Pressures increasing too. My ears are popping. LARRY MADISON: I'd rather be dead than work down here. IAN: Ha! Not a choice I'd like to face. (The rate of decline decreases.) LARRY MADISON: It's stopping. We must be near the bottom. Yes - look! Lights! IAN: Let's get out of here, Larry. Before this bucket tips up. LARRY MADISON: It's a bit of a drop, Ian. IAN: Well, about twelve feet, that's all. Come on. (IAN stands on the edge and jumps.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. MINE GALLERY (He lands next to some wicker baskets. He looks up at LARRY. The bucket starts to slide along a side gallery. LARRY grabs a pit prop and falls...badly.) IAN: Larry, you all right? LARRY MADISON: It's my kneecap - I caught it on the truck as I fell. IAN: Put your weight on me. Stand up. LARRY MADISON: (LARRY tries.) It's no good. IAN: Well, if you can't move, we'd better get under cover. It's too light here. We go over there. Now, put your weight on me. That's it. Slowly. (With LARRY'S arm round IAN, the two stumble down the gallery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. HUT (The three women are sat down to a makeshift meal.) OLD WOMAN: ...London once. It seems years ago now. You know, is it still the same? JENNY: They've destroyed most of it. OLD WOMAN: Destroyed? Well I never. Oh, when I went it was beautiful. There was the moving pavements and the shops and the, the astronaut fair I went to and it was near Chelsea heliport. (The door opens. The YOUNG WOMAN steps in, pauses, then runs into the OLD WOMAN'S arms. A DALEK glides into the doorway.) YOUNG WOMAN: Oh! DALEK: You will follow me - both of you. (JENNY makes a run for the WOMEN but BARBARA holds her back.) DALEK: Do not try to escape or you will be exterminated. Move. (BARBARA looks at the WOMEN, then her and JENNY do as instructed and leave the hut. The OLD WOMAN shuts the door after them. The YOUNG WOMAN opens a sack she has brought in.) YOUNG WOMAN: Bread...oranges...and sugar. OLD WOMAN: Oh, good, good. I knew they'd give us food if we told them. (She goes over and parts the curtain, looking outside.) OLD WOMAN: Oh, well. She'd been captured anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. MINE GALLERY (IAN examines LARRY'S knee.) IAN: How's it feeling? LARRY MADISON: Better. I don't think I'll be able to walk. IAN: Don't worry. We'll stay here for a while. (IAN looks round their surroundings.) IAN: You know, Larry, this mine doesn't make sense to me. Where's all the modern machinery? LARRY MADISON: The Daleks brought machinery from all over the world. All they seem to be shifting is rocks. IAN: Yes. I suppose they could be processing it somewhere. LARRY MADISON: Who knows what the Daleks are up to? I told you what my brother Phil said: All they want is the magnetic core of Earth. IAN: Yeah, but why...find it in such an old fashioned way? LARRY MADISON: It's probably a clearance area. Perhaps we haven't found the main shaft yet. IAN: You may be right at that. Larry, would you be all right...if I went to have a look? LARRY MADISON: Yeah, sure. IAN: Good man. (IAN starts to walk away but hears movement. He dives back to LARRY who is hidden from view behind the wicker baskets. Two ROBOMAN leads a group of coughing, ill slaves into the gallery. Among them is WELLS. He moves a basket and sees IAN and LARRY.) WELLS: (Under his breath.) You'll have to move. We're clearing this whole section. LARRY MADISON: (To IAN.) Move? Where to? IAN: Well, lets join them. (IAN helps LARRY up and they join the last of the slaves.) IAN: Take the basket Larry. (They start to walk away but a ROBOMAN spots them. The slaves and WELLS stop to watch at the back of the gallery.) ROBOMAN: Halt! LARRY MADISON: Phil! It's my brother. Ian, it's my brother! ROBOMAN: Too...many...in working party. Dalek...supreme...control...recheck. Who are you? LARRY MADISON: Phil... (LARRY tries to step forward away from IAN and falls to the ground in pain as his knee gives way.) LARRY MADISON: Argh! Phil...it's Larry, your brother Larry. Think Phil! Remember me! ROBOMAN: You...are both...runaways. LARRY MADISON: Angela...Your wife, Angela! I'll take you to her. ROBOMAN: You...must both...be punished. (IAN helps LARRY up as the ROBOMAN takes his rifle from off his shoulder.) IAN: It's no good, Larry. LARRY MADISON: No, no! No Ian! IAN: Come on! LARRY MADISON: Ian, get me ... run while you've got the chance! (LARRY struggles free and grabs the ROBOMAN as he fires at point blank range. LARRY strangles his brother as they both fall to the ground.) LARRY MADISON: Run Ian...run Ian. (The ROBOMAN chokes.) LARRY MADISON: Run Ian...run... ROBOMAN: (As he dies, recognising his brother at last.) Larry... (The two men die almost instantaneously. An alarm suddenly starts up.) DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) Emergency! Emergency! Priority shaft nine. Close all exits! Emergency! (As the DALEK speaks, WELLS and the slave workers runs forward almost in a panic and WELLS shouts out instructions over the sound of the DALEK announcement.) WELLS: Right, get these bodies clear. Get 'em down the shaft - shaft seven, shaft eight! (He takes the ROBOMAN'S rifle.) WELLS: I'll take care of that. Somebody tell that what's happened - what's happened ... Run, quick as you like. Get those bodies out of here. Hurry! (The slaves carry the two bodies quickly away. IAN is left momentarily alone but quickly runs down one of the side galleries.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. CLIFFTOP (SUSAN rummages in a knapsack, takes out some condiments and adds them to a pan of food cooking over an improvised campfire. Behind her, DAVID sneaks up with a fish he has caught in his hand. As SUSAN reaches back into the rucksack, DAVID thrusts the fish over her shoulder.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Some fresh fish! You want some fresh fish?! I've got some! SUSAN: David! You idiot! You idiot! DAVID CAMPBELL: Oh no, its not...not for me! I didn't want it! Not me! SUSAN: ... Drop it! (The two fall to the ground laughing, SUSAN managing to push the fish into DAVID'S face. They fall silent for a moment, DAVID holding SUSAN'S hand.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Your grandfather stood up to the journey fantastically well. SUSAN: (After a pause.) He's a pretty fantastic sort of man. (The two lean towards each other a kiss. Suddenly they hear the DOCTOR approaching with TYLER. They quickly jump apart. DOCTOR: Ah! Smells familiar round here. I ... SUSAN: Just in time for food. DOCTOR: Ah! Yes, my dear DAVID CAMPBELL: Ah, we were just, well, er, I was just, er... DOCTOR: Quite, quite. I can see something's cooking! CARL TYLER: Er, what is that? DAVID CAMPBELL: That's rabbit. SUSAN: It's pretty primitive. It's the best I could do though. DOCTOR: Most useful. (The all sit or lie down round the camp fire. TYLER grabs the pan.) DAVID CAMPBELL: It's hot! (TYLER takes a piece of meat out of the pan with a smile on his face.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Hey, you've got a big piece there. Doctor, would you like some? Smells delicious. (He holds the pan up to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Susan's a very good cook. DAVID CAMPBELL: Yes. (Putting the pan on the ground.) Tell me, Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? DAVID CAMPBELL: Now that you've seen the Dalek base, what do you think? DOCTOR: Well it's quite obvious to me its the centre...of their operations. SUSAN & DAVID: The centre! DOCTOR: Yes, quite. You know, you surprise me, Tyler. Why didn't you concentrate your efforts here? CARL TYLER: We've been fighting the Daleks everywhere. Well, the fact that they started mining operations didn't seem all that important. DAVID CAMPBELL: Yeah, well we assumed that they were...just digging for minerals, you know, something like... DOCTOR: No, I, I think perhaps it might be the answer to the question as to why the Daleks are here. DAVID CAMPBELL: But why Doctor? Surely they've invaded us? DOCTOR: Oh no. It goes much deeper than that. You see, man to them, is just a work machine. An insignificant...specimen that is not...worth invading. Absolutely useless. It doesn't matter to them whether you live or die. CARL TYLER: Yeah, that's true enough. DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, what are they digging for? DOCTOR: Well, at the moment my boy, I'm not quite sure, but let us say something that this...planet contains. Something that no planet has. CARL TYLER: And you think that if it was something on the surface, they'd have just collected it and gone? DOCTOR: Yes, quite, quite. Instead, there they are - burrowing like moles down and through the crust of the Earth. CARL TYLER: But isn't that impossible? I mean an eruption, a huge earthquake. No one could survive. DOCTOR: Not unless they know how to control the flow of living energy. Mmm? DAVID CAMPBELL: Is that what it is? They dare to tamper - with the forces of creation! DOCTOR: Yes - they dare! And we have got to dare to stop them! (SUSAN sits up.) SUSAN: Grandfather? DOCTOR: Hmm? (She takes a piece of meat out of the pan.) SUSAN: It's getting cold - look. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. MINE GALLERY (IAN keeps on running as a fugitive through the mine.) ROBOMAN: (OOV.) Keep...moving! (IAN hides out of the way as two ROBOMEN head a group of slaves along the gallery. Another following up behind.) ROBOMAN: Move! (IAN watches them go past, then catches sight of another group of slaves, among them is...) IAN: Barbara! (Another group of slaves are guarded by a ROBOMAN and a watching DALEK.) ROBOMAN: Fill...these...buckets...hurry! (JENNY and BARBARA pull along wicker baskets full of rocks to empty them into a skip. JENNY is exhausted and doesn't have the strength. The basket falls over and JENNY falls to the ground. BARBARA runs forward to help her.) JENNY: We're beaten Barbara! We'll never get out of here! Never! BARBARA: Don't be silly, Jenny. That's no way to talk. Look, we wanted to get to the mine and we're here. JENNY: Yes but what can we do? BARBARA: You can help me fill this basket again. (JENNY does so.) BARBARA: We could try and find their main control room. I'm sure that's what the Doctor would do. JENNY: And then what will happen? BARBARA: Oh, I don't know, Jenny, I don't know, but look, we can try! If we get there and fail, well...all they'll do is send us back here. (They empty the wicker bucket into the skip. The DALEK gives WELLS an instruction.) DOCTOR: You - take more buckets to the clearing sections. WELLS: Right. (The slaves, BARBARA and JENNY among them, start to stack the wicker baskets for WELLS. He takes them away and, turning the corner, is grabbed by IAN.) IAN: Wells! WELLS: Ian, I told you to get out of here! IAN: That's easier said than done. Wells, that tall girl in the blue sweater, I know her. Tell her I'm here. WELLS: Right. I'll try but I've got to get rid if these first. IAN: Yes, all right. (Further back in the gallery, BARBARA and JENNY carry on emptying baskets along with other slaves.) JENNY: Anyway, they'll never let us near the control room. BARBARA: Dortmun's notes! JENNY: What? BARBARA: Jenny, I've still got Dortmun's notes! JENNY: A lot of good they are... BARBARA: No, no, you don't understand, oh, I haven't got time to explain. Jenny, come with me... JENNY: Oh Barbara, do you know what you're doing? (They runs towards the watching DALEK. The slaves stop and watch.) DALEK: Get back to work. BARBARA: (Nervously.) I have some important information. Rebels are planning a revolution against the Daleks. DALEK: There will be no revolution - the Daleks are masters of Earth! BARBARA: But you don't understand...this is no ordinary uprising. They have scientists, men of learning working with them. DALEK: You are lying. It is a trick. BARBARA: No, I...I have proof of what I say. DALEK: Proof? Let me see, (BARBARA holds up the notes in front of the DALEKS' eye stalk.) DALEK: Details of the acid bomb used in the unprovoked attack on the London saucer landing area. BARBARA: There's more. I know places where they're hiding. DALEK: Very well. Speak! BARBARA: Well, it...it would be better if I...I spoke to someone in charge. DALEK: That is impossible. Tell me your story. BARBARA: But it's very complex and detailed. I...you would have to act immediately on what I told you. I must speak to someone in authority. (The DALEK raises its eye stalk almost vertically as it communicates with its kind. After a moment, the stalk lowers.) DALEK: The Black Dalek will see you, but if you are lying, you will be killed. Follow me. (It glides away. BARBARA and JENNY follow. One of the ROBOMEN addresses the remaining slaves.) ROBOMAN: Continue...your...work. (Just round the corner, WELLS, having disposed of his baskets, runs back to IAN.) WELLS: Right, step into line and follow me. IAN: Too late - the Daleks have just taken her. WELLS: Pity. Oh well, there's an empty gallery just behind us there. Lose yourself there. IAN: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. DALEK CONTROL ROOM (The door slides upward and the BLACK DALEK glides into the control room.) BLACK DALEK: Give me your report. FIRST DALEK: The main drill has penetrated the core strata. We are within four miles of the Earth's outer core. (On the wall is a diagram of the mine - a cross section of the crater showing the galleries and the fissure going downwards at a slight angle. At the top of this fissure, stand two buildings - The capsule control and underneath it, a sub station.) BLACK DALEK: (Looking at the diagram.) When will the final breakthrough occur? FIRST DALEK: The slave parties are clearing the top of the fissure now. BLACK DALEK: What remains to be done? FIRST DALEK: (Looking towards a control panel.) Only to put into position the penetration explosive. The charge is in the fissure capsule now. When positioned, the charge will strike the fissure in the Earth's crust here. BLACK DALEK: The fissure will expand. The molten core be released! FIRST DALEK: (Over the sound of other DALEKS talking.) We will then control the flow until all the gravitational and magnetic forces in the Earth's core are eliminated. BLACK DALEK: Excellent. I will now announce to the Dalek Earth force, completion of Project Degravitate into ... (The BLACK DALEK glides forward.) SECOND DALEK: Attention! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CAPSULE CONTROL (IAN has found his way to the capsule control on the map. The capsule stands in two vertical sections in the middle of the room on a rail. IAN spots a DALEK nearby and hides in one of the halves of the capsule.) SECOND DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) Attention all units. Stand by for an announcement by the Supreme Controller. (The DALEK is joined by another as they listen to the announcement.) BLACK DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) This is the Supreme Controller. Our mission to Earth is nearly completed. We were sent here to remove the core of this planet. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. DALEK CONTROL ROOM BLACK DALEK: Once the core is removed, we can replace it with a power system...that will enable us to pilot the planet anywhere in the universe. [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. CAPSULE CONTROL (IAN reacts in shock at this announcement.) BLACK DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) All that remains is to put into position the penetration explosive. Daleks controlling device will now report. (One of the DALEKS near IAN and the capsule reports.) THIRD DALEK: We are ready. BLACK DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) Arm the device. THIRD DALEK: Device now armed. (One half of the capsule runs along the rail towards its companion - locking together and trapping IAN inside.) BLACK DALEK: Set capsule in motion. THIRD DALEK: Hatch over control to closed position. Motor running. FOURTH DALEK: Capsule moving. (With a beeping signal, the newly joined capsule runs along the rail and out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. DALEK CONTROL ROOM BLACK DALEK: As soon as the capsule is in position over the fissure, release it... [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. CLIFFSIDE (The capsule comes out of the capsule control and onto a platform on the cliffside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. CAPSULE (Inside the capsule, IAN is frantically try to adjust its workings...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. CLIFFSIDE (The capsule halts over a transparent tube running down the cliffside and into the fissure...ready to begin its journey...)

The TARDIS returns to London; however, it's the 22nd century. With bodies in the river, and quiet in the docklands, the city is a very different place. The Daleks have invaded and it's up to the Doctor to thwart them once again.

fd_FRIENDS_06x08

fd_FRIENDS_06x08_0

[Scene: Joey and Janine's, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.] Joey: Hey. Chandler: Hi, my name's Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source? Joey: Sure, neighbor come on in. Chandler: So, is Janine around? Joey: Uh, no, she's at dance class. Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room? Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, don't go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.) Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th... it's like a guy never lived in here. Look, you've got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) It's spreading already. Joey: (Looking around the room.) It is??? Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch? Joey: No. Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, that's too small to put anything in? Joey: No. Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, you're going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff. Joey: (With Big Eyes.) All right, you're right. I'll talk to her. Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man. Joey: I'm a man. Chandler: Defend yourself. Joey: (Grunting) Hmm. (Monica opens the front door and comes in.) Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle. Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, The gangs all here. Monica is walking in.] Monica: Hey guys. Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary? Monica: It was okay. She's still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend. Chandler: Ohh, yeah. Ross: Well, is this Hillary your HOT assistant chef Hillary? Monica: Yeah. Ross: The one that always stares at me when I come in? Monica: No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way. Ross: Still I could tell. She was into me. (Joey rolls his eyes.) Well, why don't you set us up? Rachel: Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress? Phoebe: (Walking over and Sitting down.) Hey. Rachel: Hey. Phoebe: Rachel? Rachel: Yeah. Phoebe: I'm, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdale's and use the copy machine. Rachel: Well, sure, but they might think it's kinda weird considering I don't work there anymore. Phoebe: Oh my God. What happened? Rachel: I-I, got a job at Ralph Lauren. Phoebe: Well that's great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.) Rachel: Yeah. (chuckling) A year ago.. Phoebe: (Hugging her again.) You've lasted a whole year. Good for you. Rachel: But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But, just come by at lunch so my boss doesn't see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesn't like me very much. Chandler: That's weird. I don't think my boss likes me either. Monica: I don't think mine likes me either. Ross: Maybe it's a universal thing? Joey: Or maybe, it's because you're hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday. (Everybody gets up.) Chandler: Yeah let's head off to work. Monica: We should go. [Scene: Rachel's office, Phoebe hands Rachel a key card.] Phoebe: Thank you. Rachel: Sure. Phoebe: Now you will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies, and Ralph Lauren came in. Rachel: Oh my God. Did you talk to him? Phoebe: Yeah a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser. Rachel: What? What!?! You kissed him? Phoebe: Totally. Rachel: (Gasps) Phoebe are you serious? Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, we're making out. You know. Rachel: Phoebe, I mean, you do know he's married? Phoebe: No! Rachel: Phoebe... Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if he's married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should. [Scene: Joey and Janine's apartment, Joey stares at a picture of a bay on the wall. Janine comes out of her room.] Janine: Hey Joey. Joey: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something? Janine: No, I just thought it was cute. Joey: Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh...Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. It's...too girly. Janine: Ohh. Like what? Joey: Like this. (pointing to the picture) Pictures of cute babies we don't know. We..we can't have that. Janine: Joey, it's Anne Geddes. She's a famous artist. Joey: Look I don't know this baby. I don't know if she's a famous artist or not. You know, and I don't want to be a jerk but you're changing too much around here. Janine: Well, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd try to make the place a little nicer. Joey: Yeah but it's too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can. Janine: Well I just thought... Joey: I'm sure it's a famous watering can, okay. But, come on...and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom? Janine: It's a curling iron. Joey: Ohh, well, that's ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. It's up here on some hook..and...smells different. Janine: It's clean. Joey: Yeah, well, it feels different. Janine: It's dry. Joey: Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels...Also what is with these chips you bought? Janine: No no no no, it's potpourri. You're supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.) Joey: (Voice cracking) Well that's like summer in a bowl. [Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Rachel gets on her boss Kim is there.] Rachel: Oh, Kim, Hi. (Kim doesn't even look up from her report.) Kim: Uhh-huh. Rachel: So you know, I...I handed in that marketing report and I never got to hear what you thought. Kim: I didn't read it. Rachel: Ahh....So...Wow...The spring line, it's really going to be great this year, huh? Kim: Yeah. Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.) Kim: Tell me everything. [Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.] Ross: Hey guys. Chandler and Monica: Hey. Ross: What's up? (He smiles. His teeth are freakishly white.) Chandler: You know...Oh My God. Monica: What happened to your teeth. Ross: I whitened them. Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really. Ross: Yeah. What do you think. Monica: Well, I think I shouldn't look directly at them. Ross: Come on, seriously. Monica: Ross they're really, really, really white. Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old...human teeth. Ross: Ahh, I-I did leave the gel on a little longer then it said to. Monica: How much longer? Ross: A-A day. Monica: Ross you know that tonight is your date with Hillary? Ross: I know. That's why I did it. (With a big smile) Come on, are they really that bad? Chandler: No, no no no. You'll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillary's bind, right? Monica: She will be after tonight. Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.) Ross: Oh, hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything..ahh... Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Chandler: What??? Monica: Oh my god. Rachel: Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just...made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip she'd heard all year. Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today. Monica: My God, Rachel, I can't believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, I'm so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.) Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler. Your live-in boy Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.) Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, who's the silver fox? Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Don't you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please. Phoebe: That's not Ralph Lauren. Sounds like him though. Rachel: What? Phoebe: Yeah, no, Ralph doesn't look anything like that guy. He's-he's young and he's got long hair and a beard and a hacky sack. Rachel: Oh My God, Phoebe, that's not Ralph Lauren. That's Kenny the copy guy. Phoebe: What? Rachel: Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. Phoebe!! Phoebe: Why would the copy guy say he was Ralph Lauren? Rachel: To get you to make out with him!!! Phoebe: Ohhh. [Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Monica are there.] Monica: (Holding a shirt in front of Ross.) Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. (Ross has a big smile.) Nope. Okay, colors that don't work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple. Ross: I don't know what I'm going to do. That date starts in like an hour. Monica: Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldn't look so bright. Ross: Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you. Monica: I'm just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you. Ross: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We're not 13 anymore. Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working. Ross: But, won't she notice I have makeup on? Monica: Please. Half the guys out there have makeup on. Ross: What?? Monica: All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see. Ross: No. I am not putting on makeup. (Knock at the door. Phoebe enters.) Phoebe: Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? (He smiles at her.) OH!! Demon!! Demon!! [Scene: Chandler's and Monica's apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.] Monica: Now are drawers will smell nice and we didn't waste these pantyhose. Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? I'm going to go over to Joey's. Monica: Wait, we're supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer. Chandler: Yes, but I feel like I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think we're two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple. Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. You're right, I'm sorry. Chandler: Nah, Nah, it's okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing. Monica: Yeah. Go over to Joey's. Go over to Joey's and drink some beer and hammer up some drywall. Chandler: You know when guys hang out they don't just drink some beer and hammer up drywall? Monica: When girls hang out, we don't have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) I'm sorry. We do. We do. I don't know why I said that. [Scene: Joey and Janine's apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.] Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. We're knitting pot holders. Chandler: No thanks, Josephine. [Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.] Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if... Oh my God!! Where are all the men??? [Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Kim's waiting for it. The door opens and Rachel is inside.] Rachel: Ohh, hi, Kim. Kim: Hi Rachel. Rachel: Yeah, remember that thing I told you that happened yesterday? Well it didn't happen. Kim: You didn't cancel the fabric order from Taiwan? Rachel: Okay, two things didn't happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out that's not true. Kim: That's not true? Rachel: No. Kim: Oh that's interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel. Rachel: Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him. Kim: Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken. Rachel: I-I don't want your job. I-I don't. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I don't even know how to use my keycard. (The elevator stops. Ralph steps on.) Kim: Hi Ralph. Ralph Lauren:: Hi Kim. (Dead silence until Ralph gets off the elevator.) Kim: Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hillary's apartmen,. Hillary and Ross are having dinner. He is avoiding opening his mouth.] Hillary: And after that, what could I do except become a chef. Ross: Mmm-Hmm. Hillary: And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant. Ross: Mmm. Hillary: You know, you're a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk. Ross: Mm-Hmm. Hillary: After a while it's like, shut your mouth, you know? Ross: (Chuckling) Hmm-Hmm. Hillary: I've probably been talking too much. Why don't we talk about you a little bit? Ross: Mmm-Unmm. Hillary: Come on. I want to know. Ross: Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Putting his hand up to block his mouth.) Okay. I, uh, am from Long Island. I-I came to the city for college. Um, I, um, have a 5 year old son and in my spare time I like to read spy novels. But, but, let's talk more about you. Hmm. [Scene: Joey and Janine's apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.] Joey: So what's really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer. Monica: Oh my God, Joey, that is such a great tip. Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers. Monica: Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because I'm going to teach you to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter. Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.) Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!? Joey: What? Chandler: You're arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!! Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers they're just, you know, they're nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby. Chandler: You're turning into a women. Joey: No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean. Chandler: Now I've upset you? What did I say? Joey: It's not what you said. It's the way you said it....Oh My God, I'm a women!!! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there.] Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job. Phoebe: But why didn't you just tell her the truth. Rachel: I did but she doesn't think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren. Phoebe: Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that? Rachel: You were with Kenny today, weren't you? Phoebe: Just for a second. Rachel: Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do? Phoebe: Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren. Rachel: I'm not going to sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't. Phoebe: Ohh, sleep with Kenny. Rachel: That wouldn't help me. Phoebe: Ohh, yes it would. [Scene: Hillary's apartment, Hillary and Ross are finishing up their date.] Hillary: I've had a really good time tonight. Ross: Mmm. Hillary: You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date. Ross: (Giggling) Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Picking up a piece of bread and covering his mouth.) Me, neither. I've had a really good time too, you know. (Putting the bread down.) Hillary: Are you going to eat that bread? Ross: (Putting the bread up to his nose.) Ohh, I just like the smell. (Sniffing it.) Mmmm. Hillary: (Laughing) You make me laugh. Ross: Hmm-Hmm. Hillary: Would you like to move over to the couch? Ross: Mmm-Hmm. (Picking up their wine glasses.) Hillary: Maybe I'll just turn the lights down a little. Ross: (Covering his mouth with the glass.) How about all the way. Hillary: Okay. (She goes to turn the lights off and Ross sits on the couch. She has some black light posters on the wall.) Ross: (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? (They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So, ahh, where were we? Hillary: Are those your teeth?? Ross: Ohh, you can see them, huh? Hillary: Yes. They're insanely white. Ross: I-I, did that for you. Hillary: What's a matter with you? Ross: What's a matter with me? You've got a black light. It's 1999! [Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren Offices, Rachel gets in . Kim is there.] Rachel: Kim, hi. Kim: Hi Rachel. Ohh, I've been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have. Rachel: Okay..Okay.. Look. I'm sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore. Kim: Oh, really? Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I can't do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I can't do this. I'm married and I'm sorry." And then I don't know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine." Kim: You expect me to believe..(Doors open, Ralph steps in.) Hi Ralph. Ralph Lauren:: Hi Kim. (Dead silence again until he gets off.) Kim: Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. It's like he hates you. Then it is true. Rachel: Of course it's true and it hurts so bad. Kim: Ohh honey come here. (Hugging Rachel.) Ohh it will be ok. We've all been there. Rachel: You and Ralph? Kim: Kenny the copyboy. Ending Credits [Scene: Joey and Janine's apartment, Joey paces the floor waiting for Janine. She walks in.] Janine: Hey. Joey: Hey, uhh, I need to talk to you. Janine: What's the matter? Are you upset? Joey: I'm sorry but we've got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? That's just the way it has to be. Janine: Well, if that's what you want. I'll just put it all in my room. Joey: Great...Great...and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didn't want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to. Janine: Okay. Joey: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there. Janine: Sure. Joey: And a couple of these little tiny boxes. Janine: Joey? Do you want me to put it all in your room? Joey: (Smiling) Okay.

Ross bleaches his teeth for a date with Monica's coworker. The only problem is that they now glow in the dark. Chandler convinces Joey that Janine is trying to take over his apartment. Phoebe makes out with the copy guy at Rachel's office. Rachel spreads rumors about Phoebe but her boss thinks that Rachel slept with Ralph Lauren.

fd_The_Walking_Dead_04x08

fd_The_Walking_Dead_04x08_0

Too Far Gone - TWD [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Don't hurt my little girl. Don't pretend to be a governor. Failing to see the devil beside you. Oh, I see him all right. I need to talk to you about Carol. I'm in charge. No dead weight. End of the world don't mean sh1t when you got a tank. Maybe we can find a better place. Governor: I have to talk all of you into doing something. Something I know we need to do. And I don't know how to talk about it. What do you want us to do? Governor: I want you to survive. We're not gonna last here. The biters, there'll be a herd of them. They'll fill the pits, they'll crawl over one another. There'll be enough to tear right through our camp. Or it'll be people. There's nothing between us and the rest of the world. Nothing between us and them. We stay here, we'll die. The people who destroyed the camp I was in with Martinez... they live in a prison. It's north off Highway . They got walls... fences, plots of land for farming. We could live there. Uh-uh. Governor: If we're willing to take it from 'em. I have a plan to do it without anyone getting hurt. I captured two of them. What? Governor: I was scouting the prison and our paths crossed, so I took 'em. You took them? They're the key. Governor: They're gonna help us take that prison without firing a shot. We can have it and we don't need to kill anyone. But... we need to be prepared to. ( theme music playing ) Governor: The people in this prison, not all of them are bad. But most of them are thieves, murderers. Now why should people like that have peace of mind when we're burying our own just about every day? These people, they mutilated me... burned my camp... killed my daughter. Now you saw me-- I tried. I tried to die. 'Cause I didn't want to accept that you couldn't live in this world without getting blood on your hands. I found you people and I don't want to die. I don't want you to die. Now we need to move-- now. They're gonna realize their people are gone and they're gonna start getting ready for whatever's next. We need to surprise them. Scare them. Huh? Governor: And we will win. I'm in. I'm in. Man: - Me, too. Governor: Pack up and get ready. We'll go over the plan in half an hour. Come on. Man: - Let's do it. Governor: Where's Megan? Lily: She's reading in the trailer. Governor: You hear all that? Lily: I said we didn't have to fight for another place. Governor: I know. Lily: Killing people? Governor: No. Killing killers. Lily: You said they weren't all bad people. Governor: Well, they're with bad people. Lily: Am I? Governor: I'm gonna keep you alive. I'm gonna keep Megan alive. The only judgment on me I care about is whether you two are still breathing. It's good that you heard, that you know. Lily... I love you. Lily: I don't know who you are. Governor: Hey, you told me there has to be someplace better and that I was gonna help you find it. You knew me, Lily. It was always gonna be like this. You need to pack up, too. Michonne: - Don't touch me. - Stay still. Michonne: ( hisses ) Get off me. Governor: You should eat. It's gonna be a long day. Nobody's gonna hurt you. Hershel: I don't believe that. Governor: Well, I don't care. Hershel: Just tell us what this is. Please. Governor: It isn't personal. Hershel: Then what is it? Governor: Michonne, I want you to know... Penny, my daughter, she was dead. I know that now. Now, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone. I need the prison, that's it. There are people I need to keep alive. You two are gonna help me take it. No one needs to die. Michonne: I'm gonna kill you. Governor: No, you won't. Michonne: I'm gonna take my-- Hershel: Stop it. You want the prison? Governor: Yeah. And I'll take it as peacefully as I can. Hershel: Governor-- Governor: Don't call me that. Hershel: Your people, our people, we can find a way to live together. These people you need to keep alive, do you love them? Governor: You're a good man, Hershel. A better man than Rick. Hershel: Everything you've said, the way you've said it, you've changed. So has Rick. Governor: The two of us will never be able to live together. Michonne and I, we'll never be able to live together. We'll find a way. I found a way! Governor: I'm trying hard. There's all kinds of ways I could do this. This way, you get to live and I get to be... Hershel: You say you want to take this prison as peacefully as possible. That means you'd be willing to hurt people to get it. My daughters would be there. That's who you'd be hurting. If you understand what it's like to have a daughter, then how can you threaten to kill someone else's? Governor: Because they aren't mine. ( door closes ) Ready? Here, take this. Okay. Governor: They'll be safe here until we get back. Biters can't make it across the water. Lily: If it's safe by the water, then let's just go someplace by the water. Lily. You don't have to do this. Governor: Anyplace that's safe, really safe, someone's already there. Think about Megan, huh? Lily: I am. What's she gonna be in this world? Governor: She's gonna be alive. Governor: Making mud pies? Peanut butter sandwiches. ( laughs ) Governor: How about a hug before I go? Megan: My hands are muddy. See? Governor: Oh, yeah. Well, I wouldn't want to get my coat dirty. ( laughs ) Megan: I messed it all up. Governor: No, you made it better. ( sighs ) I could use a vacation. ( laughs ) Get away. Just for a weekend. Yeah. Glenn: You know, our anniversary is coming up. Maggie: It is? Glenn: One of these days. ( laughs ) Maggie: You ever been to Amicalola Falls? Tallest waterfall in Georgia. Mm-mmm. Maggie: My dad took me there when I was little. When we were up there, all the way at the top looking down, I felt like I was flying. I'll go load up the station wagon. ( laughs ) Maggie: I'm gonna get you some water. I can get it. I know. Maggie: But I'm doing it. I'll be right back. Daryl: Man, you couldn't have waited till we got back? Until Tyreese got back? I could've handled that. Hey. Hey. Rick: She killed two of our own. She couldn't be here. She's gonna be all right. She has a car, supplies, weapons. She's a survivor. Daryl: Stop saying that like you don't believe it. Rick: She did it. She said it was for us. That's how it was in her head. She wasn't sorry. Daryl: Man, that's her, but that ain't her. What are we supposed to do about those two girls? Rick: I told her we'd look after them. I haven't told Tyreese yet. I don't know how he's gonna take it. Daryl: Let's go find out. ( footsteps approaching ) Bob. You should be resting. After the night you had, so should you. I'm going to. On my way to find an open cell in C block until D gets cleaned up. I just wanted to say thank you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Hershel and you. ( sighs ) Hershel, not me. You helped save my life. Stop. Bob. - Stop. You put those meds in my IV bag. And now, in a couple minutes, I'm gonna feel the sun on my skin. So you are gonna let me thank you. ( gasps ) Sasha. You're not strong enough yet. Then help me. [SCENE_BREAK] Tyreese. You down here? Tyreese: Rick, that you? You guys got to see this. Can we take a beat? There's something we need to talk about. It can wait. Come on. Look. The hell? Tyreese: I was just looking for... answers... and I found this. Same person that killed Karen and David did this. Remember the rats at the fence? They showed up the same day she was killed. We got a psychopath living with us. Tyreese. We got to find him, Rick. Tyreese: And I'm not gonna sleep until we do. Rick: Tyreese... whoever did this, I don't think that's who killed Karen. Tyreese: Why? ( explosion ) Come on. Get back! Governor: Rick! Come down here. We need to talk. Rick: It's not up to me. There's a council now. They run this place. Governor: Is Hershel on the council? What about Michonne? She on the council, too? Rick: I don't make decisions anymore. Governor: You're making the decisions today, Rick. Come down here. Let's... Let's have that talk. ( faintly ) We can do this. All right? ( squeaks ) We can't take 'em all on. We'll go through the admin building, through the woods like we planned. We ain't got the numbers no more. When's the last time someone checked the stash on the bus? Day before we hit the Big Spot. We were running low on rations then. We're lower now. Yeah, we'll manage. Things go south, everyone heads for that bus. Let everybody know. What if everybody doesn't know when things go bad? How long do we wait? As long as we can. Rick: Let 'em go right now. I'll stay down here. Talk as long as you want. But you let 'em go. You got a tank. You don't need hostages. Governor: I do. This is just to show you I'm serious. Not to blast a hole in our new home. You and your people, you have till sundown to get out of here or they die. Rick: Doesn't have to go down this way. Governor: I got more people, more firepower. We need this prison. There it is. Rick: It's not about the past. It's about right now. There are children here. Some of them are sick. They won't survive. Governor: I have a tank. And I'm letting you walk away from here. What else is there to talk about? You good? Yeah. ( faintly ) All right. Megan: Mommy, can you please help me dig? Mommy, can you please help me? Lily: I'll be right there, honey. Megan: Mommy, it's too heavy. Lily: I hear you. I'll be there in a sec. Lily: I'm sorry, honey. What did you say? Megan: It's okay. I can do it myself. ( screaming ) Megan! Megan! ( snarling ) Mommy! Mommy! ( screaming ) Mommy! Megan! ( crunches ) Megan! Governor: I could shoot you all. You'd all shoot back. I know that. But we'll win and you'll be dead. All of you. Rick: Doesn't have to be like that. Governor: Like I said, it's your choice. ( walkers snarling ) ( gunshots ) Governor: Noise will only draw more of them over. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to get out of here. Carl: We got to do something. Daryl: Your dad's got it. They're talking. Carl: We could kill the Governor right now. From yards? I'm a good shot. Carl: I could end this right now. Daryl: Yeah, or you could start something else. You got to trust him. We're here. Where are you guys going? To the bus. Come on. No. You know the plan. That's where we're supposed to go. Carol told us to be strong. To protect ourselves. They have guns. We should have guns, too. We should help. Governor: You got maybe about an hour of sunlight left. I suggest you start packing. The longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be for you to get out of here. Rick: We can all-- we can all live together. There's enough room for all of us. More than enough. Governor: But I don't think my family would sleep well knowing that you were under the same roof. Rick: We'd live in different cell blocks. We'd never have to see each other till we're all ready. It could work. You know it could. Governor: It could've. But it can't. Not after Woodbury. Not after Andrea. Rick: Look, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. Fact is, it's gonna be a hell of a lot harder than standing here shooting at each other. But I don't think we have a choice. Governor: We don't. You do. Rick: We're not leaving. You try and force us, we'll fight back. Like you said, the gunshots will just bring more of them out. They'll take down the fences. Without the fences, this place is worthless. Now, we can all live in the prison or none of us can. Governor: We'll fix the damn fences. No--! ( sobbing ) Rick: You. You in the ponytails. Is this what you want? Is this what any of you want? What we want is what you got. Period. Time for you to leave, asshole. Rick: Look, I fought him before. And after, we took in his old friends. They've become leaders in what we have here. Now you put down your weapons, walk through those gates... you're one of us. We let go of all of it, and nobody dies. Everyone who's alive right now. Everyone who's made it this far. We've all done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive. But we can still come back. We're not too far gone. We get to come back. I know... we all can change. Governor: Liar. ( silent ) No! Ah! ( gunfire ) ( screams ) Daddy! Ah! ( gasping ) You! Pick up your weapon! Fight, now! ( gunfire popping, ringing ) This isn't right. We're not supposed to be doing this. We are. He chopped a guy's head off with a sword. ( hammer clicks ) We have to stay here. It's too late. You understand me? Stay behind me and if we get separated, you just go run somewhere safe and hide. You hear me? You go someplace safe and hide and I will find you when this is all over. I will find you. Governor: Go through the fence in your cars. Get your guns, we go in. Kill them all. Roger that. Move in! Go ahead! I'm out of ammo. Run for the bus. I'll cover you. Move up! Go! Get out of here! Go, go! Come on! Glenn's in there. I have to get him. I'm going with you. Get these people on the bus. Be ready to drive. I'll be right back. What if you're not? You have to go without us. I won't go without you. Beth, Beth, get these people on the bus, okay? It's your job. We've all got jobs to do. ( grunts ) Glenn! What the hell's going on? We have to get everybody out of here. ( grunts ) Beth! Where's Beth? She went to find Judith. Where? We'll find her. She'll be okay. No. What? No, you're not going by yourself. I'll be right back. Maggie... ( fist thumps ) ( snarling ) Ah! ( snarls ) On your right. Grenade! Sasha! Sasha! Have you seen Beth? Is she on the bus? No. She's-- Ah! We gotta stay down. Look inside my shirt. Check my back for an exit wound. Yeah. That's good. We can treat it. Sasha: Not here. Stay down. We'll find someplace safe. We'll figure it out. Come on. ( gunshot ) - ( groans ) ( gunshot ) ( snarling ) We got to get out of here. Hey! We go that way! ( coughing ) ( grunts ) ( gasping ) ( coughing ) Carl...? Where's Carl? I don't know. ( Governor moaning ) ( grenade rattling ) Grenade! I was trying to find the kids to get them on the bus. We got to go, Beth. We got to go. ( groans ) Rick:: Carl! Carl! Carl! Carl? ( snarling ) ( gunshots ) Rick: Judith. Where is she? Carl: I don't know. No. ( sobbing ) Carl. Carl. ( sobbing ) Rick: We've got to get out of here. We've got to go. Shh. Shh. Shh. It's over. It's over. It's over. ( snarling ) ( gunshot ) Rick: Don't look back, Carl. Just keep walking.

The Governor captures Michonne and Hershel and challenges Rick and the others to abandon the prison. Though Rick offers co-existence, The Governor refuses and decapitates Hershel, and gunfire breaks out. In the midst of battle, Lilly rushes up to The Governor with the body of Meghan, who was bitten by a walker while playing. The Governor shoots Meghan to prevent her from reanimating and then orders a full-out assault of the prison, tearing through its fences and allowing a horde of walkers in. The survivors in the prison are forced to scatter when they no longer can hold down their defenses. At the same time, Rick and The Governor engage in a one-on-one brawl in which the latter gains the upper hand, only to be mortally stabbed by Michonne just before he can kill Rick. Rick escapes with Carl, while the near-death Governor is approached and executed by Lilly.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x02

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x02_0

[Mystic Falls' hospital] (She wakes up with a start and goes out of the room. The nurse is here) Caroline: Excuse me? Where is everyone? Nurse: It's the middle of the night honey Caroline: It is? Oh, uh... have you seen my mom? Nurse: She left after dinner with your boyfriend and then your friend Elena stepped by Caroline: She did? Yeah, she did but she said her name was Katherine. Can I just get something to eat? Nurse: Breakfast comes around seven Caroline: But I'm hungry Nurse: You should go back to sleep (She goes toward the room but then she stops) Caroline: What is that smell? Nurse: Back to bed (The nurse leaves but Caroline stays in the hallway. She looks everywhere and sees a blood pouch in a patient's room. She goes toward the pouch and touches it but the nurse arrives) Nurse: What are you doing in here? Caroline: I don't know Nurse: You need to go back to bed (She takes Caroline to her room and leaves. Caroline sits down on her bed and takes he blood pouch from her pocket. She drinks but she doesn't like it so she throws the pouch on the floor. She looks at the pouch on the floor and takes it. She drinks) [Mystic Falls' high school] (Everyone is preparing the carnival. Bonnie and Elena are taking care of everything) Bonnie: Katherine looked just like you, it was freakish Elena: She is my ancestor. Eh, I move the student booth into the cafeteria Bonnie: Your vampire ancestor and she didn't just resemble you like a family member would. She was you Elena: I don't know, I can't explain it. It's creepy, that's all you got Bonnie: How do you know she's not still out there pretending to be you? Elena: I don't but I could sit here and be tortured by the not-knowing or I could get these prices to the ring toss Bonnie: Have you talk to Damon since he killed Jeremy or tried to kill Jeremy? Elena: No Bonnie, I haven't and I won't and I don't want to talk about Damon or anything else that's vampire relating okay? (She gives a bag full of plush to Bonnie) Elena: I'm human. I have to do human stuff. Otherwise, I'm going to go crazy Bonnie: Okay, I'm sorry, let's focus. We have to make Caroline proud or she will kill us. I don't know how she does all of this Elena: Well because she's not human, obviously Bonnie: Obviously (She laughs) (Jeremy and Stefan are in the hallway against Jeremy's locker) Stefan: It's the same as the bracelet Elena gave you Jeremy: It protects me from compulsion Stefan: Vervain is toxic to vampires Jeremy: Like poison? Stefan: Yeah, it's very poisonous. It keeps them out of your head Jeremy: but why vervain? Stefan: don't know, certain natural herbs and roots and other elements are just harmful to vampires Jeremy: Like a stake to the heart? Stefan: Right but it has to be wood Jeremy: You're pretty confident in yourself telling me all the different ways I could kill you Stefan: Jeremy, if I thought you wanted to kill me we will be having a much different conversation Jeremy: Yeah, Damon is the one that deserves it Stefan: I want you to forget about Damon, all right? He's hundred times stronger than you and right now he's not stable. You got to try to move forward Jeremy: I was killed by a vampire and brought back by a magic ring. How do you move forward from that? Stefan: Right. Well, today we have a nice little distraction encouraged by the slave driver Elena (Elena arrives) Stefan: Hello Elena Elena: Hey, do you... Jeremy: Yeah, yeah, I set up the golden fish toss all through hundred golden fish. It's gonna be epic! (He leaves) Stefan: He's gonna be alright, he's just been through a little bit of a whole deal Elena: I was just hoping that this carnival would wild him back into the land of a high school teenager Stefan: That was what we were doing here? Elena: Yes, we all are. We're gonna be boring high school students who live in a world where the "v" word is not ordered Stefan: Got it! Elena: Then later you're going to take me on the Ferris wheel, we're gonna ride the very top and then you're gonna kiss me and my heart will flatter like a normal high school girl. Do you see a redeem theme here? Stefan: Yeah I know, I'm seeing it and I'm liking it but I have a quick question. Uh, what do we do about Damon? Elena: Uh, no "D" word okay? That has been deleted from the list of topic that we can discuss Stefan: Unfortunately Katherine showing up has been a little bit of an odd place, little off-kidder, kind of dangerous. Who knows what he's up to? [Lockwood's mansion] (Damon is in the living room with Carol Lockwood) Carol: So I understand John Gilbert has left town. Have they found the vampire that attacked him? Damon: Well, the sheriff has asked me to take the lead on that and I promess to you I will get to the bottom of it Carol: Which brings me to my next subject. With Richard gone, I'll be acting as interim mayor until the elections and I'm going to need someone to spill out the council. I'd like that person to be you Damon: Whatever you need Carol. As a founding family member it's something that's very close to me so I would be honored to help keep this town safe from vampires (Mason and Tyler enter the house. Carol closes the door of the living room) Damon: Is it safe to talk? Carol: It's my brother-in-law, Mason. He's still visiting. I just don't want him to hear us. He didn't want any part of the council when he lived here and I see no reason to bring him to it now (Damon is listening to their conversation with his powers) Tyler: When was that? Like seven? Mason: Six. I don't count the last one. You crawled Tyler: What? Mason: I think Grandma Lockwood actually passed you her walker Tyler: Yeah, okay. Shoes off. Mud, my mom... Mason: Yeah, yeah. (Mason sits down and removes his shoes) Mason: So all this anger and aggression you're talking about, you notices a difference when you exercise? Tyler: Dude, I play 3 varsity sports. I work out 4 times a week and run 3, I'm gonna say no Mason: Do you have episodes? What happens exactly? Tyler: Most of time normal, I get angry typically over nothing. I'm an angry guy. I know it just amplifies and I go off Mason: You black out? Tyler: Yeah, it's like I go blind with rage Mason: Is there a pattern? Like once a month, only at night? Tyler: All I know is I loose myself, you know? For that time I become something else and I hate it (Damon is still listening) Carol: More tea? Damon? Damon: Oh yes, please. Thank you Carol [Mystic Fall's hospital] (Caroline is in her room. She puts her hand in the sunlight and it burns. Matt arrives with a tray of food) Matt: Your mom said you're not eating Caroline: It's gross Matt: It's the hospital food; it's supposed to be gross (Matt goes toward her to kiss her but there's the sunlight between them) Matt: She also said you're getting released tomorrow morning Caroline: Morning? I need to get out tonight Matt: No, the carnival is going to happen without you Caroline. I know it's hard for your neurotic control freak personality to process but Bonnie and Elena have it Caroline: I'm not neurotic Matt: Yeah you are but it's cute so... Caroline: Look, it's not about the carnival okay? It's just that this place is just really depressing Matt: It's because you're sitting in the dark (He begins to open the curtains) Caroline: No don't! (Caroline goes against the wall with her powers) Matt: What the hell? Caroline: Just close it please Matt: What's wrong with you? Caroline: Close it! (He closes the curtains) Matt: I'll just come back later okay? (He leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is pouring a blood pouch in a glass. Stefan arrives) Damon: Do you care for one? Stefan: No, thank you. I'm not hungry, just ate Damon: Are you worried that one day, all the forest animals are gonna band together and fight back? I mean, surely they talk Stefan: I'm just happy that's it's a blood bag and not a sorority girl supplying your dinner Damon: I like this. You, walking on eggs shores around me because you think I'm gonna explode. Very suspencible. Is Elena worried too? I bet I'm your every conversation Stefan: Have you heard from Katherine? Damon: I think the Lockwood's have a family secret because the Gilbert device affected them but vervain didn't so they're not vampires, they're something else Stefan: Is this your new obsession? Damon: You'd rather some unknown supernatural element running upon our town. Fine, I'll drop it Stefan: We haven't seen lots of Katherine, you do know that right? We have no idea what she's up to Damon: Sure we do. She came back to profess her undying eternal love for you so I'm gonna let you deal with her because I have more important things to do like explode. Shears! [Mystic Falls' hospital] (Caroline is putting her jewelry. She puts the necklace Elena gave to her but It burns her skin so she throws it on the floor. The nurse arrives and takes it) Nurse: That's pretty Caroline: Yeah, my friend gave it to me (The nurse leaves, Caroline drinks blood from a pouch. She looks at her in the mirror, her face is changing and her fangs appear. She screams, the nurse arrives) Nurse: what's wrong? (She strangles the nurse and pushes her against the wall) Caroline: You can't tell anyone, you can't tell anyone! (She compels her) Nurse: I can't tell anyone Caroline: You'll do what I say? Nurse: I'll do what you say Caroline: Good because I'm starving (She bites her) [Mystic Falls' high school] (It's the carnival. Elena is talking with Bonnie) Bonnie: The ring toss is out of Bart and Homer dolls and team Jacob teas Elena: Okay, I can grab some from the science club. Also we lost a speaker in the karaoke booth Bonnie: Hey, all good Elena, take a breath, look around. This is a huge success Elena: You mean I can give more than just freak vampire havoc? Bonnie: Good (They laugh, Elena looks at a man who is repairing one of the stands) Elena: Hey, Carter right? You're with the carnival Carter: That'll be me Elena: Okay, great (He looks at Bonnie) Carter: Wow, what do you need beautiful? Bonnie: What do you know about karaoke speakers? Carter: Why don't you show me the problem? Elena: Yeah Bonnie, show him the problem Bonnie: Okay, come on (They leave Elena smiles) [Lockwood's mansion] (Mason is in his brother office, looking for something. He searches everywhere. Tyler arrives) Tyler: What are you doing? Mason: Nothing, just killing time waiting for you Tyler: You're looking for something? Mason: Yeah actually. You know where I can find any family artifact stuff? Tyler: You drained your trust fund already? Mason: I did that when I was 22. No, I'm just looking for this old piece of my mom's. My dad gave it to her when they got married. It's a sentimental value. Probably passed out on your dad. It just still be in the house here somewhere Tyler: What's it look like? Mason: It's a moon stone; it's about the size of a hockey puck. Old, ugly, minimal monetary value Tyler: Yeah man, whatever. Ask my mom I guess Mason: Yeah, cool, I'll do that. You're ready? Tyler: Yeah [Mystic Fall's high school] (Jeremy is buying popcorn. Damon arrives) Damon: Jeremy, it's so good to see you alive Jeremy: Aren't you a little old for a high school carnival? Damon: A hundred and fifty years too old Jeremy: You're pretty funny cracking jokes when I could I don't know... led the hold of this thing telling by telling someone what you really are (Damon catches him and takes him apart) Damon: So please tell that was not a threat Jeremy: Maybe it is (He shows him the ring and Damon strangles him from behind) Damon: This is what we're not gonna do: we're not gonna walk around like we are invincible when it's this easy for me to end you (He releases him) Damon: If you want to tell people what I really am go ahead and try (Damon shows him the ring; he has it in his hand) Damon: I will shot this ring so far up your ass that you'll really have something to choke on (He throws the ring on his face and leaves) [Mystic Falls' hospital] (Caroline is dressed and on the phone) Caroline: The doctor said I'm good as new, he signed me out, he said that I didn't have to wait 'til morning so call me when you get this (She hangs up; the nurse is sitting on Caroline's bed. She has a bandage on her wound on the neck) Caroline: It's dark, thank god. I'm so sorry about that (She looks at the bandage) Caroline: Okay, now what's the story? Nurse: My husband likes to get kinky Caroline: Yes, good. Okay, so I'm gonna take off. I'm in the comity chair for the carnival and I'm worried it's a complete disaster. I mean god bless Elena, she's not understand the word fabulous (She takes her bag) Caroline: Once again I'm so sorry about that and if you could just forget that I bit you that would be great because I'm going to Nurse: Forget what? Caroline: I don't know how that works but its brilliant (She leaves) [Mystic Falls' high school] (Damon is looking at Tyler, he's doing arm wrestling. Stefan arrives) Stefan: You're lurking Damon: I'm observing Stefan: It's more like obsessing (Tyler wins) Damon: He's got strength Stefan: He's a triple varsity athlete, of course he has strength. You're reaching (Mason arrives to do arm wrestling against Tyler) Mason: I bet I could beat you Damon: Enter the uncle Stefan: That's ridiculous (Mason beats him) Tyler: Okay, he's the champ, who wants to go next? Damon: Stefan wants to go Stefan: Yeah, sure, I'll... give it a shot (Stefan rejoins Mason) Damon: Give him Stef! Stefan: My brother over there thinks I could beat you Mason: Your brother's wrong (Mason beats him. Stefan rejoins Damon) Damon: You didn't put an effort at all Stefan: Yeah, actually I did Damon: Come with me (They go in the hallway) Damon: Is he...? Stefan: No, no, I wasn't that kind of strength but it was more than human, it doesn't make sense Damon: What is up with that family? They're not vampires, what the hell are they? Stefan: Maybe they're ninja turtles Damon: You're not funny Stefan: Or zombies, werewolves Damon: No comedic timing at all (Damon turns his head and sees Carter repairing something) Stefan: What? What are you up to? Damon: Since this is reality and there's no such thing as werewolves or combat turtles Stefan: Ninja turtles (Damon goes toward Carter) Damon: Hey you! Carter: I have a name Damon: Yeah I don't care (He catches his shoulders and compels him) Damon: I need you to pick a fight with someone, a kid named Tyler Lockwood Stefan: Damon, don't do this Damon: It's just an experiment. Get him mad, don't back down no matter what he does okay? Carter: I won't back down Damon: I know you won't (He releases him, Carter leaves) Stefan: Do you realize someone is going to get hurt right? Damon: No, someone is going to get mad, as in rage Stefan: What's that going to accomplish? Damon: That Tyler kid is incapable of walking away from a fight. Let's see who intervenes, maybe the ambigus, supernatural mystery uncle (Damon is walking alone is an hallway when Caroline arrives) Damon: Hey Blondie, they let you out? Caroline: I remember Damon: What do you remember? Caroline: I remember how you manipulated me, you pushed me around, abused me, erased my memories, fed on me Damon: You're crazy Caroline: Memories have been coming back, in pieces Damon: You can't remember. It's impossible, I mean unless you're becoming a... (She smiles) Caroline: have a message from Katherine, she said "Game on" Damon: Wait... (She pushes him with strength, he falls on the floor) Caroline: You suck (She leaves) (Elena is with a girl, Damon arrives) Damon: Elena Elena: What do you want Damon? Damon: I know I'm the last person you want to see right now but I need you to come with me Elena: Whatever it is I'm not interested Damon: Yeah, I need you to come with me right now, Elena (She follows him) (Tyler is going in the parking lot; Stefan follows him and hides himself to observe the scene. Carter arrives and pushes Tyler) Tyler: Watch where you are going Carter: You got a problem? Tyler: Yeah, you walked right into me Carter: What are you going to do about it? Tyler: You're kidding right? (Carter pushes him again) Tyler: You better back off (Carter pushes him) Tyler: You hit me again, I swear to god... (Carter punches him in the face. They fight, Mason arrives. Mason pushes Carter) Mason: What the hell man? (Mason strangles him but Carter punches him on the face and pushes him against a car. Tyler makes some supernatural moves, his eyes change, and they are yellow and glow) Tyler: Your eyes (Mason Heats Carter, he falls on the floor. They leave, Stefan arrives to help Carter) Stefan: You're alright man? Carter: Why did I just do that? Stefan: You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time (Caroline rejoins Matt at the ring toss) Matt: What are you doing here? Caroline: They discharged me, I'm better Matt: How do you feel? Caroline: I feel pretty good Matt: Yeah, 'cause earlier you were... Caroline: I'm all better (She kisses him) Caroline: All better Matt: Okay, you want to give it a shot? (He gives him one of the rings. She throws it on a bottle, she breaks 3 bottles) Matt: Wow, hey, nice shot killer Caroline: They must already have been broken (He embraces her. She looks at his neck) Caroline: Oh no Matt: What's wrong? Caroline: I got to go (She leaves and he follows her) Matt: Wait Caro, are you okay, I mean... Caroline: Just leave me alone! (She leaves) (Elena, Stefan and Damon are in a classroom talking about Caroline) Caroline: How did this happen? Damon: Well, I fed her blood and Katherine obviously killed her and a plus b equals... Elena: But why? Damon: Because Katherine is a manipulative nasty little slut Stefan: And she said "game on"? What is that even mean? Damon: It means she's playing dirty, she wants us to know Elena: But why Caroline? Damon: I don't know Stefan: Caroline must be completely out of her mind, she don't even know what's happening to her Damon: Oh I think she does. All of my compulsion from the past sort of wiring of the minute she was in transition Stefan: We have to find her Damon: Yep and kill her Elena: You're not gonna kill Caroline Damon: She knows who we are, she's officially a liability, and we've got to get rid of her Stefan: Damon, absolutely not Damon: Need I to remind you the tragic little story of a girl named Vicki Donovan? Caroline, of all people, won't not make it as a vampire. Her mother is a vampire hunter. Guys come on, we all know how this story's gonna end, just flip to the last chapter and... Elena: It's not an option Damon Damon: No? Your silence is defining, Stefan. Wait, wasn't there a school carnival the night you staked Vicki? Looks like a town where story repeats herself. You know I'm right Stefan: we're not gonna kill her Damon: It's the only way (Stefan and Elena leave) (Caroline is alone crying when she sees carter. He's bleeding) Carter: Hey, is everything okay? Caroline: I'm so sorry Carter: What? (She rushes over him and bites him. She drinks his blood and kills him) (Matt is talking with Bonnie) Matt: She's obviously pissed at me for something but for what, no clue Bonnie: What happened? Matt: She freaked out and she's been like that all day. Cool one minute and crazy and neurotic next Bonnie: She almost died, it's must be messing with her head. Plus, she's Caroline Matt: Yeah, I'm used to the insecurity and all that. This is who she is, love it or hate it but this seemed I don't know... different. I can't explain it (Damon is looking for Caroline; he finds a stake in the floor. He takes it. Elena and Stefan are looking for her too) Elena: You're agreed with Damon, don't you? Stefan? Stefan: Damon's right, not about what we should do but about what's gonna happen. Katherine has decided Caroline's death sentence Elena: We can't let it in that way. She's doing this to me isn't she? Stefan: No, she's doing it to me [SCENE_BREAK] [Lockwood's mansion] (Mason and Tyler are entering the house) Tyler: Well, we're home. Safe territory, enough with the silence Mason: I told you to leave it alone Tyler: What was that move you pulled? Mason: Brazilian martial art, I took some classes a while back Tyler: Don't lie to me! Mason: I'm not lying Tyler: I saw something! Mason: You didn't see anything Tyler: I saw your eyes, they glowed Mason: Reflection of a car headlight maybe, that's all Tyler: Reflection of a car headlight... Mason: Yes Tyler: You really expect me to believe that? Mason: Tyler! You want to know what you saw? You saw me get pissed of that I had to put your delinquent ass out of a fight! (Tyler leaves) [Mystic Falls' high school] (Stefan and Elena are still looking for Caroline) Elena: Where could she be? What is it? Do you hear her? What's going on Stefan, what is it? Stefan: Blood, I smell blood (Caroline is crying next to Carter's body. Damon arrives. She has blood all over her face) Caroline: He's dead, I killed him. What's wrong with me? (She cries) Damon: Hey, hey it's okay. I can help you Caroline: You can? Damon: Yeah, I have to Caroline: What are you gonna do? Damon: The only thing I can do, I'm gonna kill you Caroline: Please don't! I don't want to die! Damon: Yeah but you are already dead Caroline: No, I'm not. Don't say that okay? Just help me! Damon: Okay Caroline: Okay? Just help me please! Please, please! Damon: Okay, okay (He embraces her and is about t kill her but Stefan arrives and rushes over Damon) Damon: Stefan! (Elena is with Caroline) Caroline: Get away from me! You killed me! Elena: No, no, no, no Caroline! That wasn't me. You know that! That was Katherine Caroline: No! Then why did she look like you?! And why, why did she do this to me? Elena: Stefan, we've got to get her inside Stefan: It's okay Caroline, come with me Damon: She'll die, it's only a matter of time Stefan: Yeah but it's not gonna happen tonight Damon: Oh yeah it is (He picks up the stake and rushes over them but Elena puts herself in front of Caroline) Elena: Damon, she's my friend Damon: Whatever happens, it's on you (Bonnie arrives) Bonnie: Caroline? Stefan: It's okay, come on Bonnie: No, you're not, it can't be (She touches her) Caroline: Bonnie? (She sees the body) Elena: Oh god! (Stefan takes Caroline) (Stefan takes Caroline to the bathroom. He washes her face) Caroline: She hates me! Bonnie hates me Stefan: No, she's just in shock, we all are Caroline: And what about Matt? (She cries) Stefan: Shut. One thing at one time, let' get this blood off, come on Caroline: I'm a m-m-murderer. I'm a monster! Stefan: Look at me, your emotions are highing right now, it's part of the transformation, it's completely normal, I promise you okay? (Her face is changing) Caroline: Why is this keeping happening to my face? Stefan: Look at me, look at me, look at me! Caroline, Caroline! Look at me! Look at my face, look at my face! (His face has changed too) Stefan: You see that? When you feel the blood rushing, you tell yourself that you're going to get through it, that you're strong enough. Yes, yes, no matter how good it feels to get yourself over to it, you fight it off, you burry it. Watch me, watch me (His face is normal again) Stefan: It's the only way you're gonna to survive this thing. Try (She takes a few breaths, her face is normal again) Stefan: That's good Caroline: Why did Katherine do this to me? Stefan: I don't know, I wish I did. Hey, hey, I promise you I will not let anything happen to you. Come here (He embraces her) (Elena is still with Bonnie) Bonnie: I can't believe this is happening (Damon arrives with a shovel in his hands) Damon: Come on, don't pout about it, I've got a body to bury (He looks at Elena) Damon: I thought you were calling the shots, no? It sucks to be you buddy (Bonnie looks at him and gives him a headache; he takes his head between his head and fall on the floor. She opens the faucet with her powers and water is going out from the hose) Bonnie: I told you what would happen if anyone else got hurt Damon: I didn't do this Elena: Bonnie, it wasn't his fault Bonnie: Everything that happens is his fault Elena Elena: Bonnie, what are you doing? (She creates a fire, the fire goes toward Damon) Elena: Bonnie stop it! (Damon is burning) Elena: Bonnie, stop! You're going to kill him? (Damon is still burning) Elena: Bonnie, stop! (She jumps through the fire and catches Bonnie's arm. The fire is gone) Bonnie: Why did you stop me? Elena: Because this isn't us. Bonnie, this can't be us (Elena looks at Damon and embraces Bonnie) (Elena is at her locker. Stefan arrives) Stefan: Hey. Caroline is okay for now, I'm gonna check on her later Elena: What about the guy she... Stefan: It's taking care of Elena: Damon's right, isn't he? It won't end her for her Stefan: No, I'm gonna make sure that he's wrong Elena: I just can't believe what this day has turned into Stefan: Not a normal day uh? Elena: I was stupid to think that it could be. I mean, nothing about my life is normal. My best friend is a witch, my friend is a vampire and I have a doppelg nger who wants to destroy all of us Stefan: I'm sorry Elena: No, it's not your fault, Stefan. T's no one's fault you know? It is what it is (He touches her face) Elena: I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just that... you know what? I'm fine. I'm gonna to call you tomorrow okay? Good night Stefan (She leaves) Stefan: Good night [Lockwood's mansion] (Mason is talking with Carol) Carol: I think it's good for Tyler to have you in the house Mason: I appreciate that Carol Carol: Oh, and I can see If I can dig up that stone you're looking for. It's bound to be tucked away in one of Richard's knocks and crannies (She goes up the stairs, Tyler arrives) Mason: Hey man, you're heading up? Tyler: In a minute. Good night mom Carol: Good night Tyler Mason: Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, we're all good? Tyler: yeah, we're good Mason: Alright (He lives. Tyler goes into his father's office, closes the door and open's his father's safe hiding under the carpet. He takes a box inside and opens it. There's the moon stone Mason is looking for inside. He takes it from the box and puts it in his pocket) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is taking a glass of scotch. Jeremy is here) Damon: What the hell are you doing here? Jeremy: You don't lock your front door Damon: Yeah (Damon is going to drink) Jeremy: No I wouldn't... I lasted it with vervain Damon: Why would you do that? (Jeremy has a stake in his hands) Jeremy: So I could stake you... with this (He throws the stake on the floor. Damon picks it up) Damon: You came here to kill me? Jeremy: It's only fair, you killed me first Damon: What made your eyes went up? Jeremy: My father hated vampires, my uncle too. They were absolute they knew exactly what they stood for and I figured maybe I should too. I mean, stand for something but killing you, what's that gonna do? Damon: Look, I don't do the big brother thing very well. Sorry, I don't have any milk and cookie stuff for you Jeremy: Dick (He lives) Damon: Wait. My fathers hated vampires too Jeremy: He did? Damon: For the same reasons your dad did. Only it was 1864, people knew how to woodle (He shows him the stake) Damon: Did you do this? Jeremy: Yeah I tried; it's harder than it looks [Caroline's house] (Caroline is laying on her bed when someone opens the window. She goes next to the window with her super speed. It's Matt) Caroline: What are you doing here? Matt: I came to see if today's bask period has expired Caroline: You know you should just go 'cause my mom is gonna be home soon Matt: You've been dodging me all day. I mean, I'm more insecure than you are now Caroline: What do you mean? Matt: It means that... you almost died and it freaked me out and it got me thinking you know 'cause... I'm not in a position where I can lose someone else right now. I realized, even though today I wanted to throttle you, I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with you and I it seems like you don't feel the same way (She kisses him and they embrace each other. Her face is changing so she takes a few breaths and her face becomes normal again) [Gilbert's house] (Elena is sleeping; Stefan enters the room by the window. He kisses her on the cheek, she wakes up) Elena: What time is it? Stefan: It's almost dawn. Come with me [Mystic Falls' high school] (They are at the carnival. It's empty) Elena: Stefan what are we doing here? We're going to get caught Stefan: I compelled the guard to on break so I could kiss my girlfriend at the top of the Ferris wheel Elena: Stefan... Stefan: We have to take these moments, Elena. What Katherine did to Caroline could just be the beginning and there are things with Tyler's family that we don't even understand yet and there's always a "D" word but I came back to this town to start a life with you. We can't forget to live it Elena: But Stefan, how are you going to the top? Stefan: I guess you'll just have to hold on time (She holds on and they fly to the top of the Ferris wheel and sits down. She laughs) Elena: What? Stefan: It's just so nice to see you laugh (They kiss) Elena: It's not going to get any easier, is it? Stefan: No, it's not

Caroline has become a vampire and awakens in the hospital craving blood. Tyler catches Mason searching for a moonstone, which is a family heirloom. At the carnival, Damon compels a boy named Carter to pick a fight with Tyler to provoke one of Tyler's bursts of anger. Mason breaks up the fight using his supernatural abilities, proving that he is a werewolf. Caroline confronts Damon about his abusive treatment, and he realizes that she is a vampire. He alerts Elena and Stefan, while a ravenous Caroline drains Carter. Stefan promises Caroline he will guide her journey as a vampire. Tyler retrieves the moonstone Mason has been seeking. Matt notices Caroline's erratic behavior but admits that he loves her.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x08

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x08_0

1.08 - Love and War and Snow OPEN AT TOWN MEETING MISS PATTY: This town meeting will come to order. TAYLOR: No one is listening to me. MISS PATTY: Oh, Taylor, calm down. TAYLOR: I can't calm down, I'm being persecuted. MISS PATTY: I promise that we hear you. ANDREW: We've been hearing you for 20 minutes. TAYLOR: Well, excuse me Andrew, but some of us have businesses to run that don't involve peddling drug paraphernalia to kids. ANDREW: It was a lava lamp, Taylor. TAYLOR: There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs. ANDREW: Oh for crying out loud. MISS PATTY: Now we've already agreed to look into your accusations, lets just move on. . . (Lorelai slides into her seat next to Rory, carrying food and drinks.) Lorelai (whispers to Rory): What did I miss? RORY: Taylor Doose wants the no parking zone in front of his store removed. He says his customers are being unfairly ticketed. LORELAI: No, its just because he wants to park there all day. RORY: Genius. MAYOR: I have been mayor of this fine town for a long time. I tend to think of all of you as my children. Unfortunately sometimes children have to be disciplined. Now I'm going to say something and I'm only going to say it once. We have leash laws people. LORELAI (whispers to Rory): Daddy's getting angry. MAYOR: Rover will not leash himself. R: Hm, good point. MAYOR: I would like to now move on tom something of even greater importance. As you all know this coming Friday is the anniversary of the legendary battle of Stars Hollow. (applause) L (whispers): Where's Luke? R: Up there. MAYOR: Penny will be circulating a sign up sheet for those of you who would like to participate in the reenactment of foresaid battle. R (whispers): He's turning red. MAYOR: All right. It was a frigid November night, some 224 years ago. L (whispers): He's shifting in his seat MAYOR: The brave stars hollow militia stood in wait for the Red Coats. R (whispers): He's adjusting the cap. L: Ooh! MAYOR: Tired and Hungry, twelve proud men took their positions in the Town's Square, braving the elements . . . L (whispers): He's fighting the urge, he's fighting the urge. MAYOR: . . .and imminent death in their valiant efforts. . . LUKE: Oh for God's Sake, do we have to go through this every damn year! L: Yesssss! R: And the urge wins by a long shot. LUKE: I thought we were here to discuss town issues. TAYLOR: This is a town issue. MAYOR: Excuse me, who's talking? LUKE: Its me Harry, Luke, you've known me since I was 5 years old. MAYOR: Oh, Luke, yes. Sit down. Now as I was saying, twelve heroic men assembled with guns drawn ready to meet their maker. LUKE: What are you talking about? Twelve guys stood in a row all night. MAYOR: Waiting for the Red Coats. LUKE: Who never showed! MAYOR: Now just a minute! LUKE: Twelve guys stood in a row all night waiting for an enemy that never showed. They got stood up. They should've been wearing prom dresses. TAYLOR: I've had just about enough of this. LUKE: Sit down Taylor. TAYLOR: Menace. LUKE: Suck up. L (whispers to R): Five bucks says somebody ends up in a headlock. R: You're on! LUKE: Have any of you ever considered the fact that you're glorifying a war we fought so we could keep land that we stole? MAYOR: If you don't like it here in America, why don't you go stand in line for toilet paper in the USSR. LUKE: There is no more USSR, Harry. L (whispers to R): A sense of community is so important isn't it? R: Its what made our country great. MAYOR: . . . .that is a known fact, is you're so interested in facts! (Opening Credits) (Fade to Lorelai lying in bed in the middle of the night. She gets up, walks downstairs into the LIVING ROOM, opens the window, smells the air, then walks over and pushes play on the answering machine. She brings the answering machine over to the couch as a message plays from Max.) MAX: Lorelai, it's Max. Medina. Maaaax Medina. And once again we miss each other. It's now 2 o'clock in the afternoon on Thursday and I'm in my office grading a paper entitled "Emily Dickinson: Get a life." Anyhow as I sit hear losing my faith in mankind, I wonder if we're ever gonna actually go on that date we talked about many moons ago. I teach a night class in Stamford twice a week, and when I pass that Stars Hollow sign on the turnpike, I think out there is a beautiful women that I someday hope to spend time with. Anyhow, I'm just thinking about you, and I don't know, maybe next week we can find some time. Goodbye Lorelai. Gilmore. You knew that. Okay, bye. (Lorelai pushes play again) Lorelai, it's Max. Medina. Maaaax Medina. And once again we miss each other. . . (Rory comes out of her bedroom and walks to the living room) R: Mom? L: (turns off the message) Sorry! R: What are you doing up? L: I couldn't sleep. R: Its freezing in here. (Rory walks over to shut the window) L: Wait, close your eyes and breathe. (Rory closes eyes and breathes) I smell snow. R: Oh, it's that time of year. L: Can't you smell it? R: You know, its like dogs and high pitched noises. I think its something only you can smell. (Rory sits down next to Lorelai on the couch and pulls a blanket over the both of them) L: I love snow. R: Really, I had no idea. L: Everything's magical when its snows, everything looks pretty. The clothes are great. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats. R: Thermal underwear, wool socks, ear flaps. L: Do you know the best things in my life have happened when it snowed? R: Why yes I do. R: My best birthday. L: Your first kiss. L: Your first steps, they all happened when it snowed. R: Feet. (pulls blanket over their feet) L: I feel good. Tingly. R: That's called frostbite. L: Tsk. You are mocking your mother, the woman who birthed you. R: I'm sorry. L: During a snowstorm, might I add. R: So how soon is it supposed to hit? L: Hmm. Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow. R: Okay, then tomorrow it is. L: What? R: You, me, donuts, coffee, standing out in a snowstorm. . . L: At midnight? R: At midnight. L: You are my favorite daughter! R: So how many times are you gonna listen to that? L: 'Til it stops being sexy. R: Stop! That's my teacher you're talking about! I have to respect him. L: Okay, well if it makes you feel any better, while he's being sexy, he's also being grammatically correct? R: Better. Thank you. L: Sorry I woke you up. R: That's okay. Its all fodder for the tell all. Goodnight. L: Goodnight. (Rory walks back into her bedroom. Lorelai pushes play on answering machine and hides under the covers) MAX: Lorelai, it's Max. Medina. Maaaax Medina. . . CUT TO LOBBY OF INDEPENDENCE INN L: Hey, how is it out there? MICHEL: It is cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon. L: Oh, we'll need to pull out the sleds, people might want to sled. Ooh, and the parkas. We'll need the parkas. MICHEL: For what? L: In case anyone wants to hike. MICHEL: You do know that not everyone finds the idea of being pelted with frozen water appealing. L: I know, and how sad for them. MICHEL: The thrilling sensation of getting lost in a blizzard, of freezing to death in the woods, and having to eat your friend's buttocks to stay alive, that is lost on many people. L: I am telling you, five minutes in a snowball fight we could knock that stick right out of your butt. (Sookie comes out of the kitchen) SOOKIE: Okay! How does this sound? Maple sugar snowflakes on all the pillows. L: Oh that's sounds wonderful! MICHEL: Make them in the shape of a buttock, get people used to them. SOOKIE: Okay, is that a real suggestion? L: Sookie, please, who is speaking? SOOKIE: Michel, right, okay. Snowflakes it is! (Sookie goes back into the kitchen. Rory and Lane wearing a full band uniform with hat--enter the Inn.) LANE: I just can't believe it. I mean, I sat next to him at practice for months, and then one day I look over and it's Rich. Rich Bloomingfeld. RORY: Where is my chemistry book? I had it at your house yesterday, didn't I? LANE: Rory, focus please. RORY: I'm sorry. I just can't find my book. L: Hey babe. Sergeant pepper. R: Mom, do you know where my. . L: Big scary chemistry book is? Behind the desk. R: Oh thank God. (Goes to get the book) (Lorelai stares at Lane's band outfit.) L: Wow. LANE: Yeah. (Rory returns with the book) R: So, is Sookie in the kitchen? L: And there she'll stay. R: Okay, so where were we? LANE: I just met my soul mate. R: Right, Rich Bloomingfeld. Does he still wear the Star Trek Shirt? CUT TO KITCHEN OF INDEPENDENCE INN (Sookie is talking to another Chef at the stove about a pot of water.) SOOKIE: Now remember you do not take your eyes off this for a minute 'cause the second you do it will boil and then it's ruined. So, just stand there and stare at it. Okay? (Rory and Lane enter the kitchen) RORY: Hey Sookie! SOOKIE: Hey kitty cats. Cinnamon buns are over there. R: Do you have any of those rocky road cookies that you made yesterday? SOOKIE: I can scrounge some up. Lane, you need a bag? LANE: No thank you. SOOKIE: You staring? CHEF: I'm staring. SOOKIE: Thank you. LANE: So anyhow, Rich has this amazing hair. R: Really? LANE: Oh my god. It's so perfect. It's thick but it's not too thick. And it's got really good natural wave, so he probably uses way less product than most guys. R: Always a plus. Hey, what time is it? LANE: I don't know R: I have to get to the bus stop. Dean's meeting me there. LANE: But I'm trying to talk to you about this. R: I know, we'll talk on the way. SOOKIE: Here you go. (hands Rory bag of cookies) R: Thank you Sookie. (Lorelai enters kitchen) L: Hey sweets. I have a locksmith coming to the house today like five-ish, and I don't know how long it'll take, so will you tell grandma and grandpa that I'm gonna be late and that I'm having Satan's baby. You pick the order. R: I'll relay the time message but I'm leaving the rest up to you. (Lorelai grabs the bag of cookies that Rory was carrying) L: What is this? You hate rocky road cookies? R: I do not. (She grabs the bag back.) L: Oh I'm sorry. That must be my other daughter Schmory. R: We're leaving now. L: Wait a minute. I know who likes rocky road cookies. SOOKIE: Who? L: Dean. They're for Dean. SOOKIE: She's bringing baked goods to a boy. Wow. Serious! L: (in high voice) "Here Dean, these cookies are for you, 'cause you're keen." R: Stop. SOOKIE: Rory's in love! L: Love, love, love, Dean, Dean, Dean! SOOKIE: (singing) The cookies for the love and the dean and the cookies for the love and the dean and the cookies for the love and the . . . L: (singing) Dean and the love and the Dean and the love and the Dean and . . . . . okay, we can stop, she's gone now. SOOKIE: But it's fun. L: Well, you're on your own. SOOKIE: (singing) The cookies for the Dean and Rory and the cookies for the love with the Dean. . . CUT TO LANE AND RORY WALKING OUTSIDE LANE: I just can't believe it. I mean, I've known him since the sixth grade, but suddenly he's different. He's not gangly anymore. You remember how gangly he was? RORY: I'm sorry, what? LANE: You're not listening to me. R: I am, I'm sorry. I just couldn't find my bookmark. Okay. Go ahead. LANE: Okay, here are the problems facing the whole Bloomingfeld-Kim situation. R: One, hyphenation would be a pain. LANE: Two, he's my band partner. Romance would be completely awkward. Three, he's never even looked at me like I'm a girl or something resembling one. (Lane and Rory sit on a bench) Four, there's no way I could convince my parents he was Korean. But I can't help it. I'm obsessed. Did I tell you about his hair? R: It's on his head, right? (Dean, from behind the bench, leans in between the two of them) DEAN: Hi. R: Hi! DEAN: Lane. LANE: Dean. DEAN: Nice hat. (Dean sits on the bench and hands Rory a book) Here. R: Oh, how'd you like it? DEAN: Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. R: Aha! You liked it! You liked Jane Austen. I knew you would! Lane, Dean likes Jane Austen. LANE: Wow, who would've thought. R: I told him he would. But he was all, forget Jane Austen, you have to read Hunter Thompson. DEAN: You do have to read Hunter Thompson. R: Not as much as you needed to read Jane Austen. DEAN: Yeah, yeah. Hey what's that? (picks up the bag of cookies) R: Just some cookies. DEAN: Rocky Road. R: Yeah. DEAN: Wow, she brings me cookies. How can I repay her? R: How about a little Charlotte Bronte? DEAN: How about something else? (Gives Rory a kiss) R: That's good too. LANE: Okay, I gotta go. I am going to be late for homeroom, and I have that perfect attendance certificate in my sights. RORY: See you later. LANE: Yeah, see ya. INDEPENDENCE INN (Lorelai walks in through the front door towards the front desk) L: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have flakes. Flakes have been sighted. Flakage, if you will, has begun. Michel, it's the first snowfall of the season. It's very lucky. Make a wish. MICHEL: Get away from me. L: Oh, you're not supposed to say it out loud. (Michel goes to answer the ringing phone) L: The world changes when it snows. It gets quiet. Everything softens. MICHEL: (handing Lorelai phone) It's your mother. L: And then the rain comes. Hi Mom. EMILY: Have you seen the news? L: Ever? EMILY: A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here. L: Well, don't panic. Ill get the ark. You get the animals. EMILY: I just sent Lance to pick up Rory at school. The roads are terrible, black ice everywhere, it's just a mess out there. I hate this kind of weather. So anyhow, what time will you get here? L: Well, uh, gee mom, I don't know, let me see. Black ice, treacherous roads. I guess I'll just put on my red, white, and blue leotard, grab my golden lasso and fly the invisible plane on over. EMILY: You're not coming? L: Well, if it's as bad as you say it is, I don't see how I'd get there. EMILY: Well, I guess it'll just be the three of us then. L: I guess so. EMILY: And you know, Rory should probably spend the night tonight also. L: Okay. EMILY: And if it's still bad tomorrow. . L: Mom, why do you wait to see what the weather does before you fill out a change of address card for her. (Rory enters Emily's living room) R: Hey Grandma. EMILY: Rory's here. L: Put her on a sec. EMILY: (hands phone to Rory) It's your mother. R: Hey. L: Hi. Things bad out there, huh? R: It's crazy. There's snow coming down everywhere. And let me just tell you, saddle shoes are not the best all weather footwear. L: Aw. You fell. R: Twice. L: Yikes. I'm sorry. R: So what's the deal? Are you coming over tonight? L: No, I guess I'm pretty much stuck in the Hollow tonight. R: Bummer. Well, we can take our snow walk tomorrow night? L: Absolutely. All right, now, honey, tell Grandma that you arrived there not a member of the junior league, I'd like you to leave the same way. R: Call if you get lonely. L: I will. Bye. CUT TO FRONT OF LUKE'S DINER. (It's nighttime. The reenactors are walking by Luke in front of the diner.) LUKE: Harry, come on, stop this before somebody drives through town and thinks the local mental institution has bad padlocks. HARRY: Luke, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Your father was a reenactor. LUKE: Yes, and I thought he was crazy also. TAYLOR: Who's stepping on my musket? KIRK: That would be me. TAYLOR: Well, stop it. (The reenactors walk towards their standing area. Lorelai walks over to Luke) LORELAI: There goes the fire chief, the police chief and the one paramedic with a valid license. I feel safe, don't you? LUKE: Look at them, all relatively intelligent men, but there they are dressed up in costumes, standing out in a snowstorm and for what? L: Because it's tradition. LUKE: Tradition is a trap, it allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything that passed was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have s*x. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing. L: I think some traditions are nice. Birthdays. Holidays. Taking a walk in the first snow of the season. LUKE: I didn't get the Hallmark card for that one. L: When I was five, I had a really bad ear infection and I had been home in bed for a week and I was very sad. So I wished really hard that something wonderful would happen to me. And I woke up the next morning and it had snowed. And I was sure that some fairy godmother had done it just for me. It was my little present. LUKE: Your parents never explained the concept of weather to you? L: I'm making a point, Mouthy McGee. Of course, many years later, I realized that logically, the snow was not there for me personally. But, still, when it snows, something inside me says, 'hey that's your present.' I don't think it'll ever change. (Luke watches the reenactors) LUKE: My father used to be one of those guys. L: Yeah? LUKE: Yeah, even had his own musket. L: Really. LUKE: Never had to rent it. L: Where is the musket now? LUKE: He was buried with it. L: Wow. LUKE: Yup. He loved that musket. L: That's nice. . . in a disturbing sort of way. LUKE: Come on in, I'll get you some coffee. L: No thanks. I'm gonna walk around. Enjoy my present a little. CUT TO THE FRONT OF A SCHOOL (A group of band students, all in uniform, are standing around) BAND TEACHER: People, people, please get into formation. Hats on and instruments in place. Do not, I repeat do not, actually put instruments to your mouths until we are inside. Remember what happened to the flautist last year. (A band student is kneeling on the ground getting out his instrument. His hair falls into his face, so Lane reaches down and runs her finger through his hair. He gives her a funny look and other kid around her start laughing. She grabs her stuff and runs away.) CUT TO LORELAI (Lorelai is walking down a sidewalk. She stops when she sees Max Medina in front of the auto repair shop up ahead. They smile at each other.) LORELAI: I smell snow. (Walks over to Max) MAX: Well well well. L: What's up Teach? MAX: What are you doing here? L: I live here. What are you doing here? MAX: I was on my way back from Stamford, and my car decided to stop. L: Here? MAX: Yes. L: In my town? MAX: Yes. L: Good car. MAX: Its nice to see you. L: You too. MAX: You know, a minute ago, I was really angry about something and now I just can't remember what it was. L: Well that's snow for you. MAX: I guess so. L: So, this is quite a predicament you're in. Stranded here in a strange town with no one you know. Oh wait. . . MAX: Where's Rory tonight? L: She's in Hartford with her grandparents. MAX: That must be nice. L: Whatever you say. MAX: So Rory's in Hartford. L: Yes. MAX: And I'm in Stars Hollow. L: Correct. MAX: And you are. . . . L: Trying to figure out where I should take you. MAX: No, no, no, no, where I should take you. L: This is my town. You know nothing around here. MAX: No, but I was the one who asked you out initially, so therefore I am still obligated to do the taking. L: Yes, but I was the one who did the canceling after you did the asking, therefore you forfeit your taking rights to me, the cancellor. MAX: So we're actually gonna do this? L: Yes we are. MAX: Let me just give this guy my keys and we'll go. L: Great. MAX: Great's an understatement. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE EMILY: (on phone) Well, I just don't understand why you waited so late to call. . . Are you sure? . . . .Fine. . .All right, yes, goodbye. (hangs up phone) Well, I don't know what I'm going to do now. RICHARD: What's the problem Emily? EMILY: The problem is that apparently Florence cannot get here because of the storm. RICHARD: Florence? EMILY: Our cook. RICHARD: Ah. Well, we'll just have to go out then. EMILY: Oh, please Richard, pay attention. We can't go out. It's miserable out there. RICHARD: Well, we'll figure something out then. EMILY: What? What will we figure out? RICHARD: Well, I don't know but. . . EMILY: I hate the damn snow. RICHARD: Emily, calm down. EMILY: This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week. RICHARD: Rory, are you in any way malnourished or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account? R: I'm good. RICHARD: She's good, Emily. EMILY: Your sense of humor rears it's ugly head at the oddest of times Richard. RICHARD: Emily, I am not the mastermind behind some great scheme to spoil your dinner plans and I don't care to be treated as such. EMILY: So you're fine with having no dinner tonight, is that it? RICHARD: I certainly am not. R: Hey, how about I check the fridge? I'm sure there's something in there we could whip up. EMILY: Whip up? R: Yeah, come on. It'll be fun, I promise. EMILY: Well, come on 'Mister We'll Figure it Out'. CUT TO EMILY'S KITCHEN (Rory, Emily and Richard are looking in the fridge) EMILY: Nothing. RICHARD: Not a blessed thing. RORY: Hey, there's frozen pizza. EMILY: How in the world did that get there? R: Maybe you bought it and forgot about it. EMILY: I have never bought frozen pizza. It must belong to Anna. RICHARD: The maid. EMILY: Yes. RICHARD: Ah, got one. (Rory pulls out the pizza) EMILY: What are you doing? R: I'm gonna make it. EMILY: Oh, Rory, you're not serious. RICHARD: That hardly looks like dinner. EMILY: I agree. Rory, that's food you eat at a carnival. Or in a Turkish prison. R: I promise you're gonna love it. EMILY: But. . . R: Listen, just leave it up to me. You guys go back into the living room and I'll call you when it's ready. . . . . Hey Grandma? EMILY: Yes R: What are the odds of you knowing where a cookie sheet would be? RICHARD: I'd say very slim. R: Never mind. I'll find it. EMILY: Very slim? Thank you for that. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW (Lorelai and Max are at takeout window.) L: Thank you. Hold that. Thanks. MAX: Thanks. (Holding bags and drinks, they start walking down the sidewalk) L: God, it's a beautiful night, huh? MAX: Yes it is. L: So, tell me something about yourself. MAX: Like what? L: Uh, have you ever been married? MAX: Nope. L: Ever been close. MAX: Once. L: And? MAX: She's in Thailand now. L: s*x trade? MAX: Bank of America. L: Well, it's usually either one or the other. MAX: She went there on business, she did well, she never came back. L: Aw, sad. MAX: Well, it was at the time, but if it was meant to be . . . L: Ah, he believes in fate. MAX: Fate, poetry, love. They all go together don't they? L: Yes, they do. MAX: How about you? L: Oh, I've never been married. MAX: Ever been close? L: Uh, Rory's dad proposed. MAX: What happened? L: The bell rang? I was late for chem lab? MAX: Ever sorry that you didn't? L: Oh, no. We were so young, and my life would've been completely different. You know, I wouldn't live here, I wouldn't work here, I wouldn't be walking here with you. MAX: Where are we going? L: You'll see. MAX: Are we gonna get there before we freeze? L: Now, what kind of fun would it be if I told you the answer. MAX: You're crazy. L: Very possible MAX: And I'm following you. L: Yes, you are. MAX: So possibly I'm crazier than you are. L: Again, very possible. MAX: A match made in heaven. L: Or in Bellevue. MAX: Must be fate. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE (Rory is staring out the window, bored. Emily is on the couch. Richard is walking around talking on the phone) RICHARD (on phone): Oh, this is getting ridiculous Aaron. . . I will not continue to have these conversations with a child . . . Yes, he is a child. . .Well, when he's worked 30 years at the company that's when he's not a child. Until then I don't care what his opinions are . . . Aaron are you listening to me? Good, because I'm hanging up on you now. And I wanted to make sure that you heard it. (hangs up) What a moron. (Rory gets up and goes upstairs and starts browsing around in Lorelai's old bedroom. She finds a strip of photos of her mom and dad. She puts them in her pocket. Her pager goes off. She calls her house, where Lane answers the phone.) RORY: Hello? LANE: Rory? R: Lane? LANE: Where are you? R: I'm at my grandparents. What are you doing at my house? LANE: Like you care. R: What are you talking about? LANE: You're never around when I need you. R: Well you know I have to go to my grandparents on Fridays. LANE: I know. You go to your grandparents. You go to Chilton. You have to meet Dean. He needs his cookies. I can't find my books. R: What are you talking about? LANE: What good is it to have a best friend when she's never around and she never listens and she has no interest in the fact that you're in love or that you touched his hair. R: You touched whose hair? LANE: Rich. Bloomingfeld. R: Why would you touch Rich Bloomingfeld's hair? LANE: Why? That's a good question. I don't know why. Why would a sane person do a thing like that? Maybe I'm not sane. Maybe I'm going through some sort of phase. Maybe I really really needed someone to talk to about this and you weren't there. R: Lane, come on. LANE: No, you come on. You're always at school or you're talking about school or you're with Dean. You have everything now and I have nothing except for 2000 Korean bibles and a potential 'F' in jazz band. R: I'm sorry. LANE: Don't be sorry. Be here. RORY: I . . .Lane? Are you there? LANE: Rory? Rory? RORY: Lane? (Emily walks into the bedroom) EMILY: There you are. R: I think the phones went dead. EMILY: It's probably just this horrible storm. You must come downstairs immediately. R: What's wrong? EMILY: The stove is buzzing. R: It's just the timer Grandma. EMILY: I know it's the timer Rory. What I don't know is where its located or how to turn it off. RORY: But I really need to call Lane back. EMILY: There's nothing you can do now. The phones will come back on eventually. Now please come downstairs and help me stop the buzzing. R: But. . . RICHARD: (calls from downstairs) Emily, for heaven's sake get down here! R: Okay, let's go. CUT TO "BLACK AND WHITE AND READ BOOKSTORE" (Lorelai and Max are on a couch while a movie is playing.) L: So, the fiesta burger. . MAX: Very interesting. L: Very spicy. MAX: Oh yeah. L: How's your tongue? MAX: Much better, thank you. L: Are you scared yet? MAX: Not yet. L: Are you scared yet? MAX: Still good. L: Are you scared yet? MAX: You know, you're very annoying in a movie. L: I know. I think it's very important that you know my faults as well as my many attributes. MAX: Very thoughtful of you. L: It is, isn't it? MAX: Because as you know, you can get very carried away by your many attributes, suddenly find yourself thinking, my god, this women is absolutely perfect. L: We wouldn't want that now, would we? MAX: No, we wouldn't. (They kiss) CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE (Emily, Richard, and Rory are at the table, getting ready to eat pizza) R: You wanna eat it before it gets cold. (Rory watches Emily take a bite) How is it? EMILY: Not cold! RICHARD: Mmmm. It's quite tasty. Emily, we should have this more often. EMILY: What? RICHARD: Perhaps instead of that horrible salmon that keeps showing up. EMILY: That salmon is a fine delicacy. RICHARD: Mm, potato, po-tah-to. R: Try it again Grandma, it's probably cooler now. EMILY: No, thank you, I'm fine. R: You know what? It's really good if you add some extra Parmesan on it. (Rory grates Parmesan cheese on Emily's pizza) This is mom's special trick. Frozen pizza is a staple at our house. Mom's become a major doctoring genius. She'll put anything on it. One time Sookie came and brought us some foie gras, and mom stuck it on a pizza. EMILY: How was it? R: Pretty good once we took the foie gras off. Okay, that's good. Try it. Please. If you wanna get really crazy you can pick it up. EMILY: Well, all right. Here goes nothing. (takes a bite) Mmm! That's wonderful! R: See? EMILY: Rory pass me that cheese. (Emily walks over to Richard and starts grating cheese on his pizza) Trust me, it makes all the difference. R: I'll be right back. (Rory goes upstairs and gets a photo album out of the bedroom. She brings it back to the table.) I found this in mom's room. EMILY: What's that? R: Pictures. EMILY: Oh my goodness, I haven't seen that in years. RICHARD: Oh my gosh. EMILY: Ah. Look at this R: That's one fluffy white dress. EMILY: Yes. There were 12 petticoats underneath it. We got it in London, remember Richard? RICHARD: Uh yeah. R: She looks like a little princess EMILY: Yes, well, if memory serves about two minutes after that picture was taken her highness dumped a glass of grape juice all over it. RICHARD: Look Emily, it's Hopey. R: Hopey? EMILY: My younger sister. R: Has she ever been here when I was here? I don't remember her. RICHARD: Oh, she lives in Paris. Our great ex patriot. EMILY: Oh my Hopey, look at you. I haven't seen her in such a long time. RICHARD: Maybe we should take a trip this year. EMILY: That would be nice. RICHARD: Maybe Rory could go with us. R: I'll start packing tomorrow. Oh is that you guys? RICHARD: Yes it is. EMILY: That is our wedding picture. R: It's an amazing dress. EMILY: It should've been. My mother had three seamstresses working around the clock making it. R: Do you still have it? EMILY: Its upstairs packed away somewhere. I'll save it for you if you like. RICHARD: Oh Emily, Rory's too young to be thinking about things like that. EMILY: Oh, Richard, please. Every young girl thinks about her wedding. I know I did. I knew from the time I was twelve that I wanted lilies and orchids with a silver bow wrapped around them for my bouquet. RICHARD: You also knew that you wanted to marry Errol Flynn. R: Really? Grandma had a thing for the pirate guy? EMILY: I did not have a thing for the pirate guy. RICHARD: She was mad about him. She even tried to get me to grow one of those little mustaches. R: You're kidding. EMILY: Richard stop. RICHARD: She wanted me to swing from a chandelier. EMILY: Now you're just being silly. RICHARD: Luckily I was on the fencing team in college or I would've married Lucinda Lester by now. EMILY: Actually Lucinda Lester looked a lot like Errol Flynn. I should've married her; it would've been very modern of me. R: Wow. Mom looks really beautiful here. EMILY: Yes she does. R: What was the occasion? RICHARD: Who would like some coffee? EMILY: That was her debutante gown for her coming out party. R: Mom had a coming out party? RICHARD: No she didn't. RORY: Oh. EMILY: Yes, well, things happen don't they? RICHARD: Excuse me, I have some business calls to make. EMILY: I'll go get that coffee. (Emily and Richard both leave the table. Rory sits down and starts looking at the photo album.) CUT TO STARS HOLLOW (From his diner, Luke watches the reenactors standing in the snow. He brings out a tray of drinks.) LUKE: Here. HARRY: What is this? LUKE: I brought you coffee. HARRY: No, thank you. LUKE: Harry, you're freezing. Take the damn coffee. HARRY: When our forefathers stood out here many moons ago, they didn't have any coffee. LUKE: How do you know? Do you have written documentation of about what sort of beverages they did or did not have on that long historic night of standing? HARRY: This is still a joke to you young man. I don't choose to be a joke. We don't need your coffee. LUKE: Harry, please, take the coffee. My father would've taken the coffee. HARRY: Well, all right then, thank you. LUKE: Andrew? ANDREW: Thank you Luke. LUKE: Kirk? Kirk: You got any herbal tea? LUKE: Not on me, but I can get some. KIRK: With a squeeze of lemon? LUKE: Okay. GUY 1: I could really go for some cocoa. GUY 2: Oh that sounds good. Cocoa for me too. LUKE: Okay, okay, hang on a minute. One herbal tea, and two cocoas. (Luke hears Max and Lorelai across the street. He watches them.) MAX: Yeah that part was a little slow. LORELAI: Slow? MAX: But it picked up after that, don't you think? (Luke watches with a sad look as Max and Lorelai kiss.) CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT PORCH (Max and Lorelai walk up the steps to the porch) L: So this is it, my house. MAX: Its nice L: Thank you. MAX: Good porch. Nice windows. Front door. Which opens I assume. L: Yeah. MAX: Something wrong? L: No, nothings wrong. MAX: Are you sure? L: Uh, yeah. See, I was so excited about the snow and about seeing you. MAX: Thank you. L: You're welcome. That I didn't really think this thing out and I usually think this kind of thing out, so I'm just thinking this thing out. MAX: What thing? L: Inviting a man over to my house. MAX: Okay. L: See I have really strict rules about dating. I keep my personal life totally separate from my life with Rory. You know, I never want her to feel unsettled or like her life could just shift at any moment. MAX: I totally understand. L: And she comes first, and this is her house too and . . . MAX: I understand. This is something that you don't do often. L: Ever. MAX: Ever? L: Never. MAX: I see. L: I mean, I've dated, and you know, dated, but I've just never dated, here in our house. MAX: What if I promised you that if you let me in, all I'm expecting is a cup of coffee. That's it. Nothing weird or funny. Unless of course you're into weird and funny . . L: Max! MAX: 'Cause I can do weird and funny. Lorelai, I've been enjoying the hell out of myself tonight and I think you are too. L: I am. MAX: Well, so it's snowing, cold, and your daughter is elsewhere. L: I know. I know MAX: I mean this whole night has been a weird chismin of events. L: Oh it's that fate guy again. MAX: At some point in your life you're gonna have to decide that some guy is worth opening that door for. I am just volunteering. (Lorelai opens the door and starts to walk in. She turns around.) LORELAI: Would you like some coffee? (Max walks inside) CUT TO LORELAIS KITCHEN (Lorelai takes some coffee out of the refrigerator and walks over to the coffee maker. She starts making the coffee while Max stands next to her.) L: How strong do you like your coffee because I've built up such a tolerance to it I usually make it too intense for most people. MAX: Yeah, yeah, I've lived through the fiesta burger, don't hold back now. L: Okay. MAX: Can I help? L: Um, yeah, you can fill up the pot. MAX: Oh, I'm very good at that. Six cups sounds good? L: Fine, what are you gonna have? MAX: You do know that was a leading question right? L: Really how so? (They kiss) How badly do you want that coffee? MAX: Not that badly. L: Such a good answer. (They begin kissing and continue to kiss as they walk from the kitchen to the bottom of the steps. Lane walks out of Rory's room and finds Max and Lorelai kissing on the bottom step. Max sees Lane and stops kissing.) MAX: How many kids did you say you have? L: One. Why? (turns around) Lane! Hi, hi. We're just, uh, what are you doing here? LANE: I'm sorry. I was waiting for Rory. I'll just go back into her room and I won't come back out, I promise. (Lane runs into Rory's room and puts on loud music.) L: Oh, that's the Cure. I have to go back in there. MAX: Its okay, Ill finish up the coffee. L: I'll be back as fast as humanly possible. MAX: Good. CUT TO RORY'S BEDROOM (Lane is lying on the bed in the dark. Lorelai opens the door, turns on the light, and turns off the music.) L: Hey. LANE: Sorry I messed up your date. L: Ah you didn't mess up your date. What's going on? LANE: I was waiting for Rory to get home. L: Sweetie, Rory's stuck in Hartford tonight. LANE: Oh I didn't know. Ill just go L: Hey, do you wanna talk? I'm not Rory, but we do use the same blow dryer. LANE: I did something really stupid today L: Okay, what'd you pierce? (Lorelai sits on the bed) LANE: Nothing. I touched a boy's hair. L: Okay. LANE: A boy I really like. L: So far missing the stupid part. LANE: I kind of did it without his permission. L: Now we're getting somewhere. LANE: I don't know what happened. I mean, I was just standing there and then he bends over and his hair falls forward and suddenly its like my hand had a life of its own. L: Sounds like your hand had a little help from your hormones LANE: God I'm so humiliated. I can't ever go back to school. I'll have to be home schooled. My mother finally gets her way. L: Look at it from a different perspective. You have so many years of screw-ups ahead of you. View this as a trial run for really grownup humiliation. LANE: So not helping. L: Maybe you should be a hairdresser. LANE: Lorelai! L: Yes its perfect. Then you can run your hands though anybody's hair you want and they'll pay you for it. LANE: What am I going to do? Everyone at school's gonna be talking about me. I can't show my face. L: Everyone does stupid things in high school, it's like a requirement. LANE: Not like this. L: No, some people get pregnant. Talk about something really juicy for the gossip mill. LANE: I forgot about that L: Yeah, everybody screws up Lane. That's what happens. It's what you do with the screw-ups, it's how you handle the experience, that's what you should judge yourself by. I have a great life and an amazing kid. And I took a detour, I ended up some place good. LANE: Yeah. L: Tell me this. How did his hair feel? As good as it looked? LANE: Better. L: Oh, you're gonna be fine. I'm positive about that. LANE: Thank you. L: You're welcome. LANE: So who's the guy? L: Rory's teacher. LANE: Oh, he has nice hair. L: Yeah. CUT TO LORELAI"S LIVING ROOM (Max is waiting on the couch. Lorelai walks over and sits next to him.) L: Hey. MAX: Hey. Everything okay in there? L: It will be. MAX: So where did we leave off? L: Oh, Lane is gonna stay here tonight. She had a really bad teen day and needs to crash someplace sympathetic. MAX: Okay, I understand. L: I swear to God, if this wasn't a major Judy Blume moment, I'd kick her cute little butt right out of here. MAX: Can you recommend a hotel that really really close to here? L: Why don't you just stay here tonight? Everybody else is. MAX: Oh, I don't know. L: Really, the couch is comfortable, there's pillows and blankets, and the bathroom's through there. The kitchen has nothing in it but running water if you get thirsty and. . . . it's an awful night. MAX: Okay, if it's not a problem. L: Not at all. MAX: Can I at least give you a kiss goodnight? L: Only if you intend to live till morning. (They kiss) MAX: Goodnight. L: Goodnight. (Lorelai stands up, runs her fingers through Max's hair, and then goes upstairs.) CUT TO OUTSIDE SHOT OF LORELAI'S HOUSE CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM (The next morning, Lorelai is in bed. She's hears a car outside, and looks out the window to see Rory being dropped off. She puts on shoes and grabs a coat, and greets Rory at the door.) CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT PORCH L: Hi. R: Hi. What's up? L: Nothing, what's up with you? R: You have something to tell me. L: Boy you're so smart. Right, okay, here we go. I've got a boy in the house. R: You what? L: Nothing happened, I swear, he slept the whole night on the couch. And you know him. R: I do? L: And you like him. I don't know if that's relevant, I just thought that I would throw that in there. CUT TO LIVING ROOM (Rory and Lorelai are standing next to the couch on which Max is sleeping) R: Its Mr. Medina. L: I know. R: My English teacher is on my couch. L: It was the snow. You know how I get, its like catnip. I was walking, he was there, his car was broken, we had fiesta burgers. It was the snow. . . .Rory, say something. (Rory walks into the kitchen. Lorelai follows her) CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN L: Rory talk to me, how do you feel? R: I don't know. L: Take a guess. Angry, frustrated, nauseous? R: Weird. I feel weird. Has he been here all night? L: Pretty much. R: Oh my God. Did he go into the bathroom? I have stuff hanging in there! L: Honey, you knew I was gonna date him, right? This isn't a total surprise. R: Yes I knew you were gonna date. I just didn't expect him to be here . . at our house . . .in the morning. L: I know. R: I don't remember ever there being a man in our house. L: Yeah, well I kind of broke the rules. R: God, why is this so weird for me? L: Because I should've told you first. R: No. L: Because I should have talked to you before I did this. R: No. L: Because you're afraid he smushed the couch pillows out of shape? R: Do you love him? L: I. .We had one date. It was a great date. World Series level. But it was just a date. Honey, I promised myself a long time ago that I was gonna keep all this stuff separate from you and I want you to know that that still stands. Okay, this was a one-time thing. I'm not gonna start just bringing guys home. This is not a trend. R: You can you know. L: What? R: Bring guys home. I mean, if you like someone you should feel comfortable doing that. L: I appreciate that. R: I want you to be happy. L: And I love you for that. R: Plus I know you're not a cat person so you truly will be alone if you don't find someone. L: Okay, look, someday I will bring someone home but when I do I just wanna be sure it's THE guy. R: Mr. Medina's not THE guy? L: I don't know, he might be. But right now it's just you and me. (Lane comes out of Rory's room) And sometimes Lane. LANE: Hey R: Hey L: I'm gonna go wake the man up. (Lorelai walks out of the kitchen) LANE: Your mom let me spend the night here. R: I tried calling you back all night but the phones didn't turn back on until this morning. LANE: Its okay, I understand. R: Lane I'm so sorry, I've been the worst friend lately. LANE: No, I just wigged out a little. I get jealous sometimes. I mean, you seem to have this really great life and I don't really fit in there. R: That's not true, you totally fit in. LANE: Yeah? R: I'm talking Legos. LANE: I hope so. R: I will be better from now on, I promise. Twenty-four hours a day at your disposal. LANE: Dean'll love that. R: Well, he'll have to, you came first. LANE: That's right. I got dibs. (They hug) Okay, I have to go home. R: Coffee at Luke's, 2 o'clock? LANE: You're on. R: And I wanna hear all about that hair touching incident. LANE: Yeah and I wanna hear the rest of the teacher on the couch incident. R: Deal (Rory starts to walk into the living room but stops when she sees Lorelai and Max talking and laughing. She walks back into the kitchen and pulls out the strip of photos of her mom and dad and looks at them.)

The first snowfall prompts Lorelai and Max's first date. Lane is upset with Rory for being distracted by Chilton and Dean. Rory is snowed in with her grandparents and introduces them to frozen pizza. Meanwhile, Luke mocks and refuses to take part in the annual re-enactment of the Battle of Stars Hollow. Lane embarrasses herself in front of her crush, and goes to Lorelai's house looking for Rory. Lorelai brings Max home, but he sleeps on the couch when Lorelai discovers the distraught Lane. Rory returns home, apologized to Lane for ignoring her, and contends with the idea that her mother might end up with someone other than her father.

fd_Alias_03x20

fd_Alias_03x20_0

Shooting range. VAUGHN: This was supposed to be over by now. DIXON: With Sloane executed, we reached a dead-end in our pursuit of the Passenger. But in the meantime... VAUGHN: ...Lauren is too valuable an asset. DIXON: We can use her to feed disinformation to the Covenant, keep them from impeding Sydney and Jack's investigation. DIXON: As soon as the Passenger is located, Lauren will be taken into custody. DIXON: Meanwhile, Weiss will maintain surveillance. DIXON: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Someplace in L.A. [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: I wasn't sure I should come. JACK: I appreciate you putting aside your anger. JACK: Sydney, you were right. I did find evidence that Sloane was assisting the Trust in covert pursuit of Rambaldi. SYDNEY: Why are you telling me this now? Sloane's dead. JACK: Actually, that's why I called you here. SLOANE: Sydney. Sloane walks out of the shadows. JACK: I was about to give Director Bell the evidence to clear Sloane when I realized he was a member of the Trust. JACK: I was unclear about what their alternate agenda was, but I did know executing Sloane was part of it. JACK: The only sure way to save his life was to allow him to die. SLOANE: Your father was kind enough to offer me a final glass of wine. It was laced with a tetrodotoxin compound. It counteracted the lethal injection while reducing my cardiac and respiratory functions. SYDNEY: Mimicking death. SLOANE: Thats right. Sydney, whatever grief my apparent death might have caused you, I only wish I could have spared you the pain. SYDNEY: When I heard you were dead, any grief I felt was over the possibility of never knowing my sister. I did not grieve for you. SLOANE: I see. Well, in the interest of finding your sister, may I have the hourglass? Sydney looks to her father, who nods. Sydney opens the case with the hourglass. JACK: I know you've been withholding something from the CIA, even from the Trust. Why is the Passenger important? Why is your daughter's real value? [SCENE_BREAK] SLOANE: While I was searching for her, I made a discovery. I came across an old Rambaldi text. SLOANE: In it, Rambaldi prophesied that there would be a person, a "Passenger" who would be capable of serving as a direct conduit to him. The text contained a formula for an elixir. SLOANE: So I followed the instructions exactly. SLOANE: According to Rambaldi, this elixir, if injected, would bring about an altered state of consciousness allowing the Passenger to channel a message. SLOANE: This message is rumored to be the key to Rambaldi's end game. SLOANE: I sampled the elixir myself, hoping to make myself the conduit. It didn't work. It's meant only for her. SLOANE: If the Covenant finds her, they will expose her to the elixir in massive doses. It will lay waste to her psyche. More likely, it will kill her. All I want to do is to protect my child. SYDNEY: How do we find her? SLOANE: We use this. Sloane picks up and smashes the hourglass. The green liquid inside starts gathering. Sydney and Jack are shocked. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda [SCENE_BREAK] VAUGHN: I thought you said you were working from home today. LAUREN: I am. I just came past to pick up these files. LAUREN: I've been thinking about that trip to Fiji, maybe one of those bungalows perched on the ocean. VAUGHN: Well, what about next month? LAUREN: Be serious. VAUGHN: I am. We've been talking about getting away for over a year, and visiting your mom in Virginia doesn't count. LAUREN: I love you. She smiles and kisses him. [SCENE_BREAK] BRILL: (cell) Agent Vaughn? VAUGHN: (cell) Yeah, who is this? BRILL: (cell) Thomas Brill, Jack Bristow introduced us. VAUGHN: (cell) Right. What can I do for you? BRILL: (cell) There're some things you need to know about your father. BRILL: (cell) Meet me at the Transatlantic building, fourth floor, by the freight elevator. (Query: Is there really a transatlantic building in L.A. or is that just a play on San Fran's TransAmerica Tower?) VAUGHN: (cell) Okay, I'll be there. Thanks. LAUREN: Who was that? VAUGHN: Oh, just the dry cleaners. Apparently I've had a suit there for over a month. LAUREN: Would you like me to pick it up? VAUGHN: No, you've got enough work to do. LAUREN: I'll see you at home, then. VAUGHN: Okay. Vaughn glances at Weiss, who's looks just as upset as Vaughn that the CIA hasn't yet arrested Lauren. [SCENE_BREAK] Transatlantic Building [SCENE_BREAK] BRILL: I told you that I worked with your father. But what I didn't tell you is I was with him on his final mission. VAUGHN: I know how my father died. BRILL: You don't have a clue. BRILL: Yeah, he was working on something, an operation that wasn't sanctioned by the CIA. VAUGHN: My father would never go against the CIA. BRILL: He was a follower of Rambaldi. VAUGHN: That's impossible. BRILL: He died protecting the little girl. The followers knew she was the Passenger. He broker her out of KGB custody, but he didn't trust the CIA either, so he took her somewhere where she would be safe, with other Followers. VAUGHN: The man you're describing is not my father. BRILL: Your father was the best man I've ever known. He gave his life to make sure that little girl would be safe. Now if you don't stop what's happening, his sacrifice will be for nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. Outdoors "Lauren" stops at a gas station. Weiss is still tailing her. Unfortunately, when she gets out of the car, it's not Lauren. Weiss isn't terribly happy about this, and seems to take it personally. WEISS: No, no! Dammit! [SCENE_BREAK] BRILL: Now you know what you've got to do. Just make sure that they don't get to her. VAUGHN: Why did you come to me? BRILL: Because it's what he would want me to do. Vaughn exits the elevator, and gets hit on the head and dragged away by Covenant goons. [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: You claim this is a battery for one of Rambaldi's artifacts which can locate the Passenger. Before we risk exposure to the Trust, we need to be 100% certain they have this artifact. SLOANE: I know they have it. I gave it to them. JACK: According to my contact, the Trust has a cold storage vault concealed in the Smithsonian here. Jack points to a location, presumably the blueprints to the Smithsonian. JACK: The vault is secured with a five-key retinal system. I think it's safe to assume it corresponds with the five members of the Trust. SYDNEY: Do we even know who they are? JACK: We know they're all high-ranking government officials, but we've only been able to confirm the identity of one -- Marlon Bell, DOJ division director. SLOANE: I imagine a visit from a ghost will unearth the other four. [SCENE_BREAK] WASHINGT[O]N, D.C. (pushthrough) [SCENE_BREAK] BELL: The Secretary of State goes before Committee tomorrow. He wants that brief out by the end of the day. LAWYER: With all due respect, Director Bell, even with the Patriot Act the legal footing's shaky. BELL: Find the precedents. LAWYER: Sir, we've already gone over that. BELL: Find them. Sloane walks along a sidewalk across the street from Bell. Bell spots him, seems quite distracted, and leaves in a hurry. LAWYER: Sir? Sir? One of the lawyers he was flanked by isn't visibly carrying anything, not a notepad, pen, or briefcase. Some lawyer he must be. [SCENE_BREAK] D.C. - Surveillance Van [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: I've tapped into Bell's phone line. He should have made contact with the Trust by now. JACK: Sydney, there's something you should know. When I first learned of Sloane's affair with your mother, I was forced to consider the possibility that I wasn't in fact your biological father. SYDNEY: You don't even... JACK: It's not the case. I had our medical files examined. Our relationship is clear. But I wanted you to know, during that brief time before I was reassured my feelings for you never changed. SYDNEY: Dad. Bell is heard dialing. SYDNEY: He's picking up. BELL: (phone) We have a situation that requires our immediate attention. We need to meet. Arvin Sloane is alive. Sloane gets back into the van after his attention-getting stroll. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Warehouse [SCENE_BREAK] Sark is getting ready to torture Vaughn. SARK: Your friend Brill managed to elude us. You, however, were not so fortunate. SARK: We've known for a while your father was a follower of Rambaldi, and we were hoping they'd contact you. SARK: But there are three things that you should understand. SARK: The first involves this item I hold in my hands. It's capable of delivering up to 500,000 volts -- not enough to kill you, just enough to let you wish it would. SARK: The second is I believe Mr. Brill disclosed the location of the Passenger, which means I won't stop until you tell me. SARK: And third, Mr. Vaughn, is that I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should. Sark shocks him. [SCENE_BREAK] Intro [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda [SCENE_BREAK] Dixon's holding an impromptu meeting. DIXON: Lauren Reed evaded our surveillance sometime between 2:10 and 2:47 PM. DIXON: Law enforcement officials at every level have been notified and put on alert. WEISS: We've also lost contact with agent Vaughn. He hasn't checked in, and he's not responding to his calls. DIXON: We believe he may have been compromised. DIXON: Agent Weiss will assemble a search team. Be ready to move as soon as we get a lead. [SCENE_BREAK] Van outside of the Smithsonian [SCENE_BREAK] JACK: Remember, your glasses need a five second lock on each person for the scan to register. SLOANE: Wish me luck. Sloane gets out of the van. [SCENE_BREAK] Smithsonian Interior JACK: (comm) Sydney, Sloane's on his way to the meeting of the Trust to obtain the retinal scans. Make sure you get to the vault, and we'll have the codes. SYDNEY: (comm) Copy that. I'm in position. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's waiting in the lobby. A curator walks up in a hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] PHILLIP: Ah. Hello, Ms. Gerard. I'm, uh, Phillip Terrence. We spoke earlier. SYDNEY: Call me Shannon. SYDNEY: Amazing, isn't it? 36 feet, longest neck of any known dinosaur. PHILLIP: You know, not a lot of people know that Mamenchisaurus actually had an extra brain... SYDNEY: ...in its spinal cord, to control its hind legs and tail. [SCENE_BREAK] PHILLIP: So you said you're writing a research paper on theropod dinosaurs? SYDNEY: Specifically, theropods and archaeopteryx and their similarities. PHILLIP: Oh, so you think birds are descended from dinosaurs? SYDNEY: Not that there's conclusive proof... Softly, as if in confidence... SYDNEY: ...but it drives me crazy when those orthodox types refuse to even examine the evidence. SYDNEY: It's that's the kind of thing that got Giordano Bruno burned at the stake. PHILLIP: You know, we just received the Hainan fossil from China. SYDNEY: I have to admit I was hoping to see it. PHILLIP: Oh, well, uh... no, it's still in analysis. That area's restricted to visitors. Sydney looks down, feigning disappointment. PHILLIP: But, um, you know, I, I could make an exception. Sydney looks up hopefully. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Warehouse [SCENE_BREAK] SARK: I must say, I'm impressed. Of course, it's on the lower setting. SARK: When I'm through ? (FIX), I'll ask you again. Where is the Passenger? VAUGHN: Holding that thing, you almost look like you've reached puberty. Sark shocks him again. Lauren walks in. She doesn't look happy. [SCENE_BREAK] Smithsonian. [SCENE_BREAK] PHILLIP: Hey, you have great timing. We only have it on loan from China until Wednesday. SYDNEY: Have you already done the CT scan. PHILLIP: Last week. SYDNEY: I would love to take a look at it. PHILLIP: Well, you know, they're in radiology. I'll go get 'em. SYDNEY: Thank you. PHILLIP: You're welcome. Phillip leaves. SYDNEY: (comm) I'm headed to the vault. JACK: (comm) Copy that. We're on schedule. We can proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] The Trust's Meeting Room Sloane walks in, interrupting the Trust's meeting. SLOANE: Greetings from the dead, gentlemen. SYDNEY: (comm) Standing by to receive. JACK: (comm) Copy that. We're retrieving the retinal scans now. Sloane goes from person to person getting retinal scans during the following lines. [SCENE_BREAK] SLOANE: I thought we had an agreement, my Rambaldi artifacts and expertise in exchange for my freedom. Of course, once I served my purpose, you saw fit to dispose of me. JACK: (comm) First scan complete. Move on. SLOANE: The cover story that you plan on releasing: Arvin Sloane killed in a boating accident off the coast of Saint-Lucien, tragic with a slight taint of overly extravagant lifestyle. JACK: (comm) Complete. Move on. SLOANE: Actually, I would have thought that an automobile accident would be more to your taste. Clearly I underestimated your creativity. JACK: (comm) Got a lock. Hold it just two more seconds. SLOANE: I should have been thinking more clearly. JACK: (comm) We got it. SLOANE: Gentlemen, the facts... JACK: (comm) Sydney, I'm sending the first three now. SLOANE: ...lies... SYDNEY: (comm) Up-link complete. I'm moving to authorize. SLOANE: ...I am afraid will never see the light of day, and let me tell you why. JACK: (comm) You've got it. SLOANE: I don't think the most clandestine committee in the U.S. government would want such sordid details made public, which is why I'm going to leave this room unharmed. If I get so much as a traffic ticket, the next time you hear this information will be on CNN. BELL: That's enough. I will not be blackmailed by a petty criminal. Bell turns away and heads for the door. JACK: (comm) We didn't get it. Don't let him leave. Sloane slams Bell against the door. SLOANE: I forgot to tell you something. I know all about your son and his unseemly predilections. Try thinking of it as mutually assured destruction. JACK: (comm) Got it. Get out. SLOANE: I'll give you time, gents. Sloane leaves the room. JACK: (comm) Final scan is on its way. Sydney gets into the vault and gets the artifact. Phillip is back with the CT scans, wondering what "Shannon" is doing. It doesn't appear that he knows about the vault. PHILLIP: Shannon? What are you doing? SYDNEY: I'm sorry. You've been so nice. She sprays him with something like the stuff she used on the guards on the boat in last season when she was keeping Sark from getting a Rambaldi manuscript. SYDNEY: (comm) I've got the package. Meet me at the rendezvous point as scheduled [SCENE_BREAK] Somewhere in D.C. or L.A. [SCENE_BREAK] They put the green goo in the artifact. SLOANE: There it is. SYDNEY: What is it? JACK: It looks like brain-waves. SLOANE: We found her. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Warehouse [SCENE_BREAK] VAUGHN: Don't touch me. LAUREN: Michael, please. LAUREN: Sark's going to give you the Inferno protocol. LAUREN: You can't survive, not now, not after everything you've been through. VAUGHN: Why do you care? LAUREN: Not everything was a lie. Sark arrives with some Covenant goons. SARK: Get him down and put him on the cart. LAUREN: Sark, we can't do this procedure now. He needs time to recover. SARK: Why this sudden concern for your husband's well-being? LAUREN: If he dies, he'll take the information with him. SARK: Whatever petty feelings you have for him, they don't concern me. LAUREN: Please listen. Sark slaps her. SARK: Please escort Mrs. Reed out of here. SARK: Now, where were we? Goons are strapping an oxygen/NO2 mask onto Vaughn. [SCENE_BREAK] Somewhere Outside [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: I don't understand. How can a brain scan help us find her? SLOANE: Each individual has a signature brain-wave pattern as unique as a fingerprint. So to exploit this, the DoD's developed an experimental satellite network capable of remote encephalography. SYDNEY: Reading brain-waves from orbit. SARK: Right. Jack walks up. JACK: I just spoke to my contact at DoD. He up-linked the EEG readings to the defense satellite network. We have a location. SLOANE: Where is she? JACK: Chechnya. To be more precise, a labor camp for female prisoners on the outskirts of Kamerchev (FIX). My contact was able to check the prison's central database. He found her under the alias Talia Kozlov. She's being held in sector C. SLOANE: She's incarcerated? JACK: We've been operating under the assumption that she's an innocent in need of rescue. Given the fact that she's being detained, I think those assumptions need to be reexamined. SLOANE: She's my daughter, and we're going to find her. Sloane storms off. JACK: Considering this new information, I think you may need to adjust your expectations regarding you sister as well. SYDNEY: After mom died, I used to have these daydreams. I would imagine her leading my girl scout troop or taking me shopping for new school clothes. I thought if only she'd lived, she would have been my best friend. SYDNEY: When I learned the truth about her, and saw Irina for who she truly was, I was devastated. SYDNEY: I won't make the same mistake twice. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Warehouse [SCENE_BREAK] Someone removes Vaughn's mask and holds a vial of something under Vaughn's nose. It's Lauren. Vaughn regains consciousness. VAUGHN: What's going on? LAUREN: It's over. The protocol worked. Somehow you survived. Michael, listen to me. VAUGHN: Did I tell them? LAUREN: You told Sark everything. He'll be back any second. You have to get out of here. VAUGHN: Why are you doing this? LAUREN: For me our marriage was real, the only real thing in my life. Go. Vaughn stumbles off. [SCENE_BREAK] Chechen Prison - CHEC[H]NYA (pushthrough) [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney infiltrates the prison from a grate in a stairwell. She walks into the main area and starts mingling with the other prisoners. GUARD: (Russian) Line up! This won't go well for Sydney if all the prisoners have to check in individually to get back to their cells (cots with dividing curtains, really). Sydney plants an explosive charge on some sort of metal tank. After a short while, it detonates. There's panic and smoke. GUARD: (Russian) Everyone inside! Go! Go! They're all herded into the cell block. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. Vaughn's trying to hitchhike. An SUV driver narrowly avoids hitting him, but doesn't stop. Then there's an 18-wheeler driver who's a bit more humane. The driver stops and lets Vaughn in. DRIVER: Hey, are you okay? VAUGHN: I need to get to a phone. DRIVER: Here, use mine. VAUGHN: Thanks. The driver's handed Vaughn a cell phone. CIA: (cell) Dispatch. VAUGHN: (cell) This is officer 2300708. Patch me through to Director Dixon immediately. DIXON: (cell) Vaughn. Where are you? VAUGHN: (cell) The Covenant knows the location of the Passenger. Sark's moving on the lead. Vaughn starts getting suspicious of the driver, who keeps stealing suspicious glances at him. DIXON: (cell) How did they acquire the intel? VAUGHN: (cell) From me. DIXON: (cell) Put together a tactical team and lead them to it. Where's the Passenger now? Vaughn glances over at the driver. He knows something's up. VAUGHN: (cell) You cut out, bad reception. Cut to Lauren and Sark reading the conversation on a laptop. The cell phone is obviously rigged. DIXON: (cell) Vaughn, what's wrong? Vaughn glances over at the driver. VAUGHN: (cell) Is Sydney back from Hong Kong? The driver reaches over toward Vaughn. Vaughn hits him with the cell phone. The trailer plows through a parking lot, stopping eventually. Vaughn gets out and walks away from the cab shortly before it explodes. Lauren's car pulls up, and Lauren and Sark get out. SARK: Don't move! SARK: Get on the ground! On the ground! LAUREN: You're smarter than I thought. [SCENE_BREAK] Chechen Prison [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney finds a file labeled "Talia Kozlov - #07". She finds the cot. Her sister is lying restrained on a gurney. SYDNEY: I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm your sister. I know that sounds crazy. SYDNEY: I'm sorry it took me so long to find you, but I'm here now, and I'm going to get you out of here. You will be safe now, I promise you. She starts taking the restraints off. SYDNEY: By the way, I almost forgot. My name is Sydney. [SCENE_BREAK] Marshall's Office MARSHALL: Okay, now this was taken earlier from the surveillance camera at the Garland Industrial Plant. MARSHALL: I was able to enhance the footage. The video shows the 18-wheeler crashing and Vaughn running from it. MARSHALL: This was taken from a surveillance feed from the rear of the building. The video shows Vaughn being forced into Lauren's car. DIXON: Get the listing for every business, every ATM, every traffic light within a five mile radius of this location. Have them pull their surveillance feeds immediately. DIXON: I want to know where they went after the left the scene. Dixon's leaves in a hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Warehouse [SCENE_BREAK] SARK: We're about to embark into a procedure the CIA was more than willing to use on me. You have to admit, the reversal is a tad ironic. SARK: This time, my friend, it's for real. Cut to an IV drip, and a needle being inserted into the neck of a very unrealistic cadaver. Err, oh, there's my suspension of disbelief; I thought I'd misplaced it. I meant the needle is inserted into Vaughn's neck. [SCENE_BREAK] SARK: You met with a man. Who was he? SARK: Brill. He knew my father. SARK: And did Brill tell you where the Passenger is? VAUGHN: He told me. SARK: Where is she? VAUGHN: No. SARK: I'll ask you again. Where... is... the Passenger? Sark looks at Lauren. SARK: Increase the dosage. [SCENE_BREAK] Sark's phone rings. SARK: (cell) What is it? SARK: (cell) Really? And who do I owe my thanks? Sark hangs up. SARK: We're done here. We have her location. LAUREN: What about him? SARK: Kill him. Lauren cranks the dosage all the way up. The COW evidently doesn't have any feelings for Vaughn. [SCENE_BREAK] Chechen Prison [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's wheeling her sister around in a wheelchair. GUARD: (Russian) What are you doing? GUARD: (Russian) This facility is in lock-down. SYDNEY: (Russian) The woman needs to see a doctor. GUARD: (Russian) Take her back to her cell. We'll escort you - Nadia isn't quite as zombified as she appeared. She can fight nearly as well as Sydney. SYDNEY: Who are you? NADIA: Later. SYDNEY: Come on, come on. We've got to go. We've got to get to the tunnel. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda MARSHALL: Okay, we got the surveillance footage from 74th. The cameras are on the dockyards. MARSHALL: And let me tell you, there's some major freakazoid stuff going on out there. Not a place you want to go to after hours unless you into that sort of thing. [SCENE_BREAK] MARSHALL: Anyway, I was able to piece together the feeds. DIXON: What did you find? MARSHALL: Okay, after they abducted Vaughn, they were spotted two minutes later by a red-light camera at Fifth and Grand. MARSHALL: Afterwards, a rooftop camera on a parking structure caught them turning onto Frontage Road. Weiss is getting irritated. WEISS: Okay, Marshall, where are they now? MARSHALL: Okay, sorry, I'm getting to that. MARSHALL: Final destination: 4384 Alfano Street... As Dixon and Weiss run out the door... MARSHALL: abandoned packaging warehouse on... yes! [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Warehouse. [SCENE_BREAK] A CIA team arrives. The warehouse is empty, except for... [SCENE_BREAK] WEISS: Vaughn! Vaughn! WEISS: Come on, buddy. I'm right here. You're going to be okay. Weiss notices Vaughn's rather low heart-rate (40) on the monitor. The EKG doesn't look good, either. WEISS: Get a Medivac down here now! [SCENE_BREAK] Chechen Prison [SCENE_BREAK] NADIA: Go. I'll catch up. SYDNEY: No, I'm not leaving you. NADIA: I feel faint. SYDNEY: Here, you just, you need to sit down just for a minute. SYDNEY: Here you go, here you go. They've reached the end of a hall, and sit down just around a corner. SYDNEY: Take some deep breaths. SYDNEY: So who are you? NADIA: You can call me Talia. SYDNEY: I know that's not your real name. SYDNEY: What were you doing back there? Why were you pretending to be catatonic NADIA: I can't tell you. SYDNEY: You're an agent. NADIA: Argentine intelligence. NADIA: What you said back there... SYDNEY: It's true. We're sisters. NADIA: How did you find me? (Shades of Kill Bill?) SYDNEY: It wasn't just me. It was your father. NADIA: My father? SYDNEY: Yeah. He's waiting for you. They get up and start to walk. NADIA: Nadia. My name is Nadia. [SCENE_BREAK] Chechen Safehouse [SCENE_BREAK] Sloane's doting over his daughter, who's asleep. Sydney's trying to deal with having a newly discovered sibling. So of course she talks to the one person who can't help her... her father. SYDNEY: When Will used to talk about his sister Amy, he was always so exasperated. He said she was a flake. He told me I was lucky to be an only child, but I knew he was lying. SYDNEY: He loved her. I always wondered what they had. SYDNEY: I have a sister. JACK: I believe you assured me you weren't going to make the same mistake twice. Nadia wakes up and sees Sloane. She looks afraid, even though Sloane is wearing both a shirt and a jacket. NADIA: I know who you are. SLOANE: Well then, you know about my criminal past. You also know that I've changed. But you need to know why. SLOANE: I never knew I had a daughter. I didn't know until two years ago that you even existed. SLOANE: How I found out... I felt totally complete joy. I just wanted to go out and find you immediately. SLOANE: But then, it struck me. Shame. I was ashamed of the man I was. SLOANE: I know I wasn't worthy of you. I wasn't worthy of your love. I wasn't worthy of your respect. SLOANE: From that moment on, I vowed to change. I didn't want to meet my daughter face to face and have her despise me. There's an explosion. Sydney and Jack get up and chamber rounds. They move out of the room. The Covenant has just blown apart the outer doors to the safehouse. [SCENE_BREAK] SARK: We want the Passenger unharmed. SARK: Move. Move! Jack and Sydney kill a few Covenant operatives, then retreat back into the room they were in. Sloane and Nadia are gone. SYDNEY: Where are they? [SCENE_BREAK] The Covenant team arrives, but there's nobody in the room. SARK: They cannot have escaped. Camera pans to the rafters, where Sydney and Jack are hiding. LAUREN: What is this? Lauren draws back a sliding door. They see that there's a trap door. LAUREN: Sloane set us up. He betrayed us. SARK: Agents, move up! The Covenant goons either leave or go through the trap door in a futile attempt to catch Nadia. [SCENE_BREAK] JACK: This was a Chechen safehouse. It was Sloane's suggestion that we seek refuge here. SYDNEY: Sloane knew about the escape route. JACK: Sloane was the only person who knew where we were. He tipped the Covenant, lured them here as a distraction, giving him a chance to escape with Nadia. SYDNEY: Son of a b****! [SCENE_BREAK] Hospital, L.A. [SCENE_BREAK] Vaughn's in a hospital bed. SYDNEY: Vaughn. VAUGHN: Sydney. Are you alright? SYDNEY: I'm fine. VAUGHN: The Passenger, did you find her? SYDNEY: Yes, but she's gone, she's missing. VAUGHN: You can't go after her. SYDNEY: What? VAUGHN: Your sister. You have to let her go. SYDNEY: You're tired. I should let you sleep. VAUGHN: No. My father was killed because he took her from the KGB. He hid her from your mother. That's why she murdered him. VAUGHN: I met someone who told me the prophecy. The Passenger and the Chosen One shall battle; neither will survive. VAUGHN: Sydney, you can't see her again. [SCENE_BREAK] Some Safehouse of Sloane's Sloane walks into a room where Nadia's handcuffed to a chair. NADIA: Please, don't do this. NADIA: Please don't. SLOANE: I wish there could be another way. Sloane injects her with the Rambaldi goo. She starts convulsing. Sloane gives her oxygen. SLOANE: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Evidently he's not terribly concerned with being worthy of her respect.

After discovering the identity of the Rambaldi "Passenger," Sydney and Jack seek the aid of Sloane, to track the "Passenger" down, which involves infiltrating a museum, using retinal scans (obtained by Arvin Sloane) from the members of The Trust. Meanwhile, after learning a secret about his father from Thomas Brill, Vaughn is kidnapped and tortured by Lauren and Sark, who are about to track "The Passenger" down themselves.

fd_The_O.C._03x14

fd_The_O.C._03x14_0

Opening scene - The pool house, dawn - Sandy comes into the pool house dressed in a robe, very flustered. the sun is just coming up Sandy: Ryan, Ryan (shakes Ryan's body gently) c'mon wake up (we see Ryan curled up on the bed under the covers, he stirs a little) Ryan: hey, what's wrong Sandy: Seth is gone Ryan: (sits up on his elbows, frowns) what, he's gone Sandy: yeah, yeah his alarm went off I went inta his room his bed is empty Ryan: uhhh calc exam Sandy: calc exam (raises eyebrows) Ryan: yeah, yeah yeah um he probably jus (screws up face) went in early to school, cram for it Sandy: yeah well I'm gonna drive over there to make sure Ryan: no-no-no-no-no (pushes covers away) no ill go, ill go, I gotta get to school early anyway (sits around) Sandy: if there was anything going on with Seth, anything I should know (Ryan looks at him) you would tell me right Ryan: (sniffs, nods) yeah, ill call you uh when I find him (Sandy looks at Ryan then looks around the pool house helplessly before leaving) CUT TO: The Pier - we see Seth leaning on the railing looking out at the water, Ryan walks up to him Ryan: hey man (Seth looks) so uh Sandy noticed you were gone, he's worried Seth: jus takin in the sunrise Ryan Ryan: eh that's what they got windows for Seth: so I wanted to be alone are you the only one in this family that's allowed to brood Ryan: (sighs) man whatever it is you can tell me Seth: (looks at Ryan then down) my Brown interview did not go...so well, actually it didn't go at all Ryan: (looks at Seth) blew it off Seth: (nods, looks down) yep, an then to put the cherry on top'a that I went ahead an lied to Summer about it Ryan: (nods, looks down) right (raises eyebrows) well, I don't know talk to her Seth: yeah its jus Summer was over pot by the tenth grade an (shrugs) she thinks it's totally juvenile, it'd be like telling her I'm inta Beanie Babies Ryan: well, you know at least tell her that you missed the interview, you do that an-an ill keep quiet about the rest of it Seth: we're dangerously close to an after school special here Ryan, its marijuana an I did it twice Ryan: so you're telling me you didn't come down here to buy a bag (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth looks at Ryan then looks away. Ryan looks at Seth and Seth scratches the side of his head) Seth: fine I wasn't gonna smoke anymore anyways Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Wayside trailer park - Kaitlin has the bottoms of a bikini in her hand and Marissa comes in Marissa: what're you doing (sits) Kaitlin: tryin'a decide on a bathing suit, d'you think tankinis are over Marissa: you're going swimming Kaitlin: no, Johnny's taking me for a surf lesson (Marissa looks at her, shocked) he says the waves are always best in the morning Marissa: (smiles, nods) that's what I hear Kaitlin: look, I know that you're mad about me an Johnny (looks at Marissa) Marissa: I'm not mad, do I look mad Kaitlin: ok we may not be BFF's but you're my sister an I can tell when you're mad Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) Kaitlin, look in my eyes (points) I don't care about you an Johnny (Marissa goes outside and Kaitlin follows her) Kaitlin: you have a boyfriend, so Johnny Harpers fair game right Marissa: (stops, looks at Kaitlin) I'm not talking about this Kaitlin: (moves closer) can you honestly tell me you have no feelings for him (we see Johnny come around the corner, a little away from where Marissa and Kaitlin are. Marissa looks at Kaitlin but doesn't say anything Kaitlin: that's what I thought (to Johnny) hey, you're right on time (Marissa shakes her head then looks at Johnny) Johnny: sorry I didn't mean to (Kaitlin looks at Marissa) walk in on anything (Marissa looks away) Kaitlin: no problem, you ready ta surf Marissa: uh I gotta go, enjoy the beach (small wave) (Johnny watches Marissa leave and then looks at Kaitlin who has a big smile on her face) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Julie are sitting at the kitchen table together. Kirsten has a New Match profile in her hand Kirsten: (reads) Katie Rubel, thirty nine, single, loves tennis loves working out, do we have anyone for her (Julie doesn't seem to be paying attention, she has her chin in her hand and is almost daydreaming) Julie: I say she dies alone Kirsten: (looks at Julie) Julie! Julie: (sighs) I'm sorry I jus can't focus on fixing other peoples love lives when my own is such a mess Kirsten: Dr. Roberts will call you (smiles) or if you want you could call him (drinks coffee) Julie: (rolls eyes, stands) I know you've been married for like two hundred years but you must remember something about dating Kirsten: well I hope so or I'm in the wrong business (Julie pours herself more coffee) maybe that's the answer, pitch Dr. Roberts the dating service (nods) set him up Julie: set him up (frowns) are you high Kirsten: no I'm serious, then you'll be back on his radar (shrugs) an it won't seem like your pursuing him Julie: (thinks, gasps) I like it, I'm aloof but thoughtful Kirsten: an when he's confronted with the idea of dating these Newpsies Julie: half of whom he's botoxed himself (sits) Kirsten: he will realise that the only woman he wants is you (Julie smiles) an he will call you for dinner Julie: ill suggest Al Fornos, a table by the window (Kirsten looks at her) I'm impressed, your sneakier than I thought (squints) Kirsten Cohen Kirsten: well, being around you all these years, it's rubbed off (Julie smiles almost proudly) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is sitting cross legged on a bench amongst some trees, it looks really peaceful actually. Seth walks over Seth: hey Summer: (looks up) hey Cohen, hey did you write your thank you note yet to the Brown interviewer Seth: (sits, frowns) no actually that's...somethin I wanted to talk to you about Summer: oh well you came to the right person, because I am master (points to herself with a pen) of the thank you note Seth: oh (raises eyebrows) Summer: listen to this (Seth nods) thank you so much for the (looks at Seth) resplendent (raises eyebrows) interview Seth: (looks at Summer) resplendent Summer: yeah (picks up thesaurus) I bought a thesaurus, Shelley loves SAT words (makes a "go figure" expression) Seth: hey I didn't know you two were on a first name basis Summer: oh yeah we totally power bonded which means I may actually have a chance at getting inta Brown, d'you know what that means (Seth looks at her) no calling, no texting, no emailing just us together isn't that great Seth: (smiles, nods, softly) yeah Summer: ok so tell me how did your interview really go (frowns) d'you think you aced it Seth: (thinks)...I knocked it outta the park (nods) Summer: (happy) really Seth: yeah, yeah an it wasn't easy believe me but you know (Summer nods) I turned on the Cohen charm as usual (Summer laughs) an...the lady swooned Summer: (laugh/smile gone, looks down) Cohen Seth: yeah Summer: (looks at Seth) Shelley's a guy Seth: (speechless) is it because (nods, closes eyes) yes yes your- I'm sorry, correct (Summer frowns) but with a feminine energy I don't know I got a gay vibe I'm gender blind that's the thing (looks at Summer) an that's somethin that I'm gonna have'ta work on at Brown, next year when we go together (holds up hand for a high five) when we go together (hits Summers leg) ok I'm gonna see you later (stands) I gotta go Summer: (closes eye, annoyed) Cohen Seth: we'll talk after school (leaves) (Summer tries to say something but she cant, she just lets him leave - inside the student lounge Marissa is sitting by herself studying something thick, she looks up briefly and Ryan walks passed with coffee) Marissa: (takes coffee) wow somebody was really craving caffeine Ryan: oh yeah (flops into chair) could barely keep my eyes open ooooh early morning wake up call courtesy of Seth Marissa: oh has he told Summer yet Ryan: no an he's not going to by the way I promised (frowns) that um we'd keep quiet about it as long as he told her about the interview Marissa: oh I was looking forward ta Summer bitch slapping Kaitlin for giving Seth pot...guess she's jus gonna get away with it like always Ryan: maybe thatt's for the best (frowns) I mean she screwed up but she's still pretty much a kid so Marissa: (nods) yeah, but with my moms DNA, which means she's capable (squints) of more than you think (looks at Ryan) Ryan: um (looks away then at Marissa) are we...still talking about Seth Marissa: this is just sister stuff (Ryan looks at her skeptically) (sighs) you know I should probably get to class (Ryan frowns) ill see ya later Ryan: ok (Marissa leaves and Ryan watches her from the corner of his eye) Ryan: (to himself) its just sister stuff... CUT TO: The beach - we see Kaitlin on top of a surfboard on the sand "paddling" with her arms. Johnny is standing next to her Johnny: ok let's practice your pop up one more time Kaitlin: (leans up) look when you told me you were gonna give me a surfing lesson I (looks towards the water then back at Johnny) kind of imagined us in the water Johnny: no, no (crouches) first lessons always on sand Kaitlin: (sits up) as long as we're skippin the water part, why don't we jus do this back at your place (Johnny looks at her) or we could jus blow the whole thing off, rent a movie, order in pancakes Johnny: I thought you said you wanted to learn how to surf Kaitlin: I'm not training for the Olympics (raises eyebrows) ok Johnny: (sits down) I'm sorry, I'm jus distracted Kaitlin: (nods) thinking about Marissa (Johnny looks at her) story of my life, I like a guy he's in love with my older sister Johnny: look, Marissa an I have a history together alright its...just complicated (looks down) Kaitlin: (matter of factly) un-complicate it, do something Johnny: I can't do anything, it's not my place Kaitlin: if you're too lame to do something (stands) ill jus find somebody who will (Kaitlin leaves .Johnny stays on the sand) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy and Matt are there together discussing the hospital Sandy: I thought this was a done deal, Merriam already gave us the hospital contract Matt: he did, an now he has'ta present it to the board of physicians, cant have a hospital without doctors, like it or not they got a say Sandy: right, now we have'ta ply more people with women an liquor Matt: (sits) I don't think that's gonna work, these guys are doctors not businessmen Sandy: then we got that in common, call it willful naivety, call it bleary eyed optimism Matt: you think we've got a shot Sandy: yeah, there's over a hundred thousand uninsured that live in Orange County, there's got to be some angle we can find to make that land on these guys Matt: ...well there is (Sandy listens, pacing) the head of the board Henry Griffin, turns out we have a...a personal connection Sandy: (looks at Matt) well now there's a shocking turn of events Matt: it's his daughter Mia Sandy: she's a stripper too Matt: (smiles) no she was a year ahead'a me at Kellogg, now she's one of its most trusted advisors, an she use'ta have a thing for me Sandy: (looks at Matt) well who could blame her (Matt half smiles) so now you wanna wine an dine her (Matt looks down) use her affection for you to manipulate her father Matt: listen it's no worse than the strippers we got for Bill Merriam Sandy: (frowns) oh I don't know, I draw the line at family Matt, how bout this, how bout we find a strategy (raises eyebrows) that doesn't involve liquor...or sexual favours CUT TO: Roberts' living room - Neil is sitting on the couch reading a medical book. the maid comes in with Julie Julie: thank you, I mean Gracias Neil: (looks) Julie (stands) Julie: hi (smiles) uh your receptionist told me you'd be home today (Neil takes off his glasses) so I thought id come by an personally thank you for hosting Kaitlin's birthday party, and as a token of my appreciation (Julie smiles and holds out the New Match folder, Neil puts his glasses back on and looks at the cover. it's a white folder with New written in black curly writing, the M of match is a red heart and the atch is the same font as new. underneath that is Bachelorettes of Newport in smaller print) Neil: bachelorettes of Newport (looks at Julie) you wanna set me up Julie: w- unless...you don't wanna be set up Neil: (takes off glasses, folds arms) well I hadn't really thought about it Julie: because I can totally understand (frowns) if a blind date seems like too much Neil: huh...lets see what you have there (Julie smiles and almost reluctantly hands the folder back to Neil. Neil puts his glasses back on and sits down) Neil: (reads) New Match, wow, she's pretty Julie: (sits near Neil) mm pear shaped (looks at Neil) but pretty Neil: (turns page) oooh look at her, nice...smile Julie: yeah (nods) adult braces Neil: ahh (turns page) Julie all of these women look fantastic (Julie looks at him) its going'ta take me a while to choose one, mind if I get back to you (Julie smiles as if to say "sure" but you can tell she's disappointed) CUT TO: The pool house - we see a pair of feet impatiently tapping on a foot stool. in the background Ryan comes up the outside stairs and stops when he sees who it is, he rubs his eyes and then keeps walking. Kaitlin is sitting in a chair watching him Kaitlin: finally, your home, what'd you do take the scenic route Ryan: (throws jacket on the bed) sorry I didn't know you were waitin for me (puts bag down) Kaitlin: well (gets up from the chair) I jus...get kinda lonely while you guys are all at school Ryan: yeah speakin of school (frowns) shouldn't you be goin back to yours soon Kaitlin: how many times do I have'ta tell you guys, it's called mid winter break (raises eyebrows, smiles) its long Ryan: (nods) apparently Kaitlin: look I wanna talk to you about Marissa (Ryan looks at her) this whole Johnny triangle we're all trapped in Ryan: triangle Kaitlin: well, now that I'm here (frowns) it's more like a square (Ryan looks at her, clearly not amused) oh anyway see I like him an I'm not getting anywhere because he thinks he's got a chance with Marissa (raises eyebrows) Ryan: well (sighs) not that that's any of your business but it's not the case Kaitlin: I don't know, see, today I asked her if she had feelings for him, point blank (Ryan looks at her) she didn't deny it (Ryan looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at him) Ryan: (nods, had enough) well thanks for the heads up (touches Kaitlin's shoulder) I think Marissa an I can handle it ourselves so, if you jus wanna (points to the open doors) Kaitlin: Ryan I want you to do something about it (Ryan puts his hands on his hips) I mean you're a man of action, you throw punches, set fires (Ryan folds his arms) at least that's the guy I remember from two years ago Ryan: m we've all grown up since then (smiles) Kaitlin: so your reformed now, congratulations, it doesn't mean you still can't talk to her Ryan: (sighs) so you can hook up with Johnny Kaitlin: you get something out of it too (Ryan looks at her) you gett'a find out where you stand, once (raises eyebrows) an for all (Kaitlin leaves and Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: The diner - Marissa is sitting in a booth by herself drinking coffee, then we see Ryan come in and sit opposite her Marissa: Ryan hey, is everything ok (worried) cause...you sounded really weird on the phone Ryan: I need to know how you feel about Johnny Marissa: (looks down) so I take it Kaitlin paid you a visit Ryan: this isn't about Kaitlin, we both know this was an issue long before she showed up (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) I'm with you Ryan: (sighs) but that's not the whole story is it (Marissa looks at him wide eyed) look (closes eyes, opens them) maybe...you jus feel sorry for him or...maybe sometimes you didn't think you could talk to me (Marissa looks away) or I wasn't listening (Marissa looks down) or maybe your in love with him (Marissa looks at him) either way you gotta figure it out an until then I...I don't wanna see you (Marissa looks at him shocked. Ryan looks at her, he means it) Marissa: (blinks) look I know things have been confusing (Ryan looks away and then leaves. he really doesn't want to hear it anymore, aww. Marissa looks away sadly) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Seth is sitting at the end of the counter with a coffee and Ryan comes in from outside Seth: hey, morning Ryan: hm (goes to the fridge) Seth: oh no, the Atwood grunt that's never a good sign, whats'a matter, I'm gonna guess Marissa or Johnny (raises eyebrows) or maybe...Kaitlin, I'm gonna say probably a combo platter Ryan: I think Marissa an I are on thin ice Seth: ooooh Ryan: (pours cereal) yeah, she needs to figure out her relationship with Johnny pronto Seth: she's uh got good taste in people I'm sure she'll do the right thing Ryan: (sits next to Seth) speaking of the right thing (sighs) Seth: um...I tried to talk to Summer Ryan: and Seth: I chickened out (Ryan listens) which is kinda my go to move these days but I'm gonna take care of it an I'm rescheduling (raises eyebrows) the interview Ryan: (looks at Seth) think there gonna let you take it again after you blew the first one off Seth: well for the first one I had an epileptic fit an there was a three car pileup on the freeway with a jack knifed trailer truck so (makes a "there you go" noise") (Ryan looks at him) d- a- alright ill work on my excuse Ryan: I think that's a good idea (eats) CUT TO: The trailer - Marissa is sitting in a chair reading. Julie is cooking something on the stove and she doesn't look thrilled with it. Kaitlin comes out Julie: Kaitlin, your up I was jus making some grits Kaitlin: ok (sits) mom, we get it (motions with hand) we live in a trailer park there is no need ta go overboard Julie: Marissa you want some (smiles) Marissa: (looks) I'm not hungry (Kaitlin looks from Marissa to Julie) Julie: fine, ill go see if Gus likes these, I mean he does eat pigeons after all, be right back (leaves) Kaitlin: id kill for some apple jacks, d'you think we have any Marissa: (sits forward) Kaitlin, you had no right to talk Ryan about my relationship with Johnny, it's none of your business Kaitlin: I was jus sharing my opinion Marissa: (frowns) what'did I ever do to you (Kaitlin looks at her) I mean I know mom ignores you an dad left Kaitlin: ok let's not turn this inta family therapy Marissa: ok then let's not pretend (shrugs) this is all about Johnny Kaitlin: what else would this be about Marissa: come on your doing this ta punish me (Kaitlin looks away) you know I was actually happy when you came home (picks up bag) I thought we were gonna be friends again (stands) but now I jus cant wait for you to leave (leaves) (Kaitlin looks over at the door and we hear an almost slam) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Seth come out of a door and into the hall, he then goes out of the shot and we see Summer walking down the hall. she notices Seth walking away and then looks over at the door he came out of. the next thing we see is Summer going into a room where a woman already is W: Summer, I just got off the phone with Mr. Spibey from Brown, looks like you've got a fan Summer: (suprised) oh great, you know I was actually jus curious did he mention how it went with Seth W: (looks at Summer) Seth Cohen Summer: yeah you know gangly, mop head, barely has an ass W: right um unfortunately Seth missed his (nods) interview Summer: (stunned) what W: he was a no show, he was just in here explaining the situation (shakes head) something about a tractor trailer accident Summer: (to herself) oh my god that little bitch W: excuse me (puts hand on hip) Summer: I'm sorry, thank you for your help (leaves) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Julie come in the front door. we then see that Kirsten is sitting on the living room couch looking at some papers Julie: well (Kirsten looks up) I finally heard from Dr. Roberts (smiles) Kirsten: that's great (Julie looks at her) or not... Julie: he had me set him up with Laura Cross, they'll be eating at Al Fornos (sits) a table by the window Kirsten: (closes eyes) oh Julie I'm sorry Julie: ah, well its my own fault (looks at Kirsten) I let you do the scheming (Kirsten looks away) clearly not your wheel house, from now on if someone needs to be manipulated, we put me in charge! Kirsten: fair enough (Julie looks at her) Laura Cross I-I I don't know her Julie: (melodramatically) well she'll probably marry him an enjoy a life of free brow lifts (raises eyebrows) (Kirsten looks at her) anyway, I am going to get to know her an find out what I'm up against Kirsten: (smiles, shakes head) don't tell me your gonna spy on them Julie: I tried taking your (points) advice Kiki (stands) an quite frankly it sucked (looks at Kirsten) from now on we do things the Julie Cooper way (leaves) Kirsten: Julie Cooper be careful CUT TO: Johnny's bedroom - Johnny is lying on his bed and Dennis is sitting on a desk chair in front of the bed Dennis: I see we have a problem Johnny: Chili man I'm fine alright, I'm jus Dennis: in love with Marissa Cooper (Johnny looks at him) (sighs) my friend in all my years of loving ladies an getting nothing in return I have never been this bad off as you Johnny: thanks man it makes me feel alot better Dennis: (points from nose to Johnny) normally (stands) I would advise you to go cold turkey, delete her number from your cell, spam block her emails an jus hope the obsession passes (sits on the bed) but I see that you, are in deeper than this Johnny: so what'do I do Dennis: take a shot (looks at Johnny) that way even if she rejects you at least you know you tried Johnny: (sits up) yeah an...an there's always the chance that she feels the same way right (hopeful) Dennis: reasons abound (holds hands out encouragingly) the point is you owe it to yourself to at least know whether or not she likes you (Johnny nods, thinking) CUT TO: NB Yacht Club - Sandy and Kirsten are sitting at a table together about to order. Sandy looks distracted Kirsten: you could have a drink tonight Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) are you sure Kirsten: well, you've had a tough day (Sandy nods and then stops suddenly) Sandy: so has Matt (we see Matt walking over to the bar) Sandy: looks like he's come here ta drown his sorrows Kirsten: (looks) ooh, well you should ask him to join us if he's all by himself (Sandy puts his hand in the air to get Matt's attention then stops. we see what he is seeing. Matt stands up and a gorgoeus young woman joins him) Sandy: or not Kirsten: (looks) oh, that's Mia Griffin (Sandy looks at her shocked) OC weekly jus did a profile on her, apparently she is an up an coming Newpsie...wow I have too much time on my hands Sandy: well if she's the new queen (nods) she's still got alot to learn Kirsten: well why wouldn't she date him, he's young an attractive (looks over) Sandy: he's using her (Kirsten looks at him) her fathers the head'a the board Kirsten: are you gonna talk to him (Sandy looks over at Matt and Mia, they are talking and appear to be having a good time) Sandy: tomorrow (raises eyebrows) tonight I'm out with my lovely, beautiful morally uncompromised wife Kirsten: (smiles) we could go ta the Crab Shack, pick up something to go Sandy: (happily suprised) sand dabs are in season (raises eyebrows) genius (Sandy and Kirsten stand. we see one last shot of Matt and Mia together) CUT TO: The pier - Johnny is looking out at the water by himself and Marissa walks up Marissa: hey Johnny: (looks) hey, thanks for meeting me Marissa: yeah (looks down) I wanted to talk to you too (looks at Johnny) things have been really- Johnny: (nods) really weird between us, I know um that's jus why I wanted to get everything out in the open Marissa: Johnny I don't know if now's the time to bare your soul- Johnny: I love you (Marissa closes her eyes) an I think you love me too Marissa: Johnny Johnny: look, ok look what's happened between us, I mean I-I got hurt an you took care of me, even when I begged you not to Marissa: I know (nods) that's- that's true but- Johnny: I told you to stay away from me an you showed up at my house (Marissa looks at him) I'm not imagining this ok, there's something real between us, that's why ? ? walk away (Marissa looks down then at Johnny) look...you don't have'ta say anything right now ok, jus you know think about it (Marissa looks at Johnny. Johnny looks at her and then leaves. Marissa looks out at the water) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen, next morning - Kirsten and Sandy are sitting at the end of the counter together sharing the paper. Ryan comes in Ryan: (off screen) morning Sandy: (looks) morning Kirsten: (looks) hi Ryan (motions) feel like a bagel Ryan: I do, thank you (takes bagel) Sandy: ahh there's my son (we see Seth walk into the kitchen. he looks a bit down, he gives a small wave but doesn't say anything) Sandy: how are you Seth: good, do we have poppy, oh, great (takes bagel) Sandy: (looks at Seth) how are you really Seth: uhh (Ryan looks at Seth) I'm really fine dad, how are you Sandy: (nods) I'm good, I'm good jus makin sure your stayin afloat, I know you got alotta stress, exams, college applications Seth: (looks down) yeah no not to worry its all under control (Ryan looks at him then down) Kirsten: oh hey Summer (smiles) (Sandy and Seth look over towards the arch and Summer comes in) Summer: hey (smiles) Sandy: you're just in time for breakfast Summer: oooh thanks Mr. C, actually I was wondering if I could talk to Seth (points) upstairs um possibly alone Seth: (looks at Summer) ok (Seth walks passed Summer. Summer turns to follow him and looks at Ryan briefly. Ryan frowns and Summer leaves .the next thing we see is a close up of Seth in his bedroom) Seth: alright so- (Summer slaps Seth on the forehead, Seth sort of falls back but manages to straighten up again) Seth: what the hell! Summer: you lied about your college interview an (hits Seth repeatedly, like a girly slap, through clenched teeth) I don't like liars Seth: I can explain Summer: (folds arms, looks at Seth) explain what, that you're pathological, that you invent stories about college interviews that never even happened Seth: (looks at Summer) you make it sound so bad Summer: Cohen, you are in a deceit spiral, an if you don't stop now you could turn inta one'a those creepy old men who have secret attics (raises eyebrows) where they hide stolen money an p0rn Seth: ok first of all that sounds awesome (Summer rolls her eyes) second of all could be worse (Summer puts her hands on her hips and looks at him as if to say "how could it possibly be worse") Seth: I got scared Summer: scared (confused) Seth: yeah...tongue tied uhh dizzy (sits on the bed) my bladder felt weak Summer: I just wanna know why you didn't tell me... Seth: (looks down) because I was embarrassed (looks at Summer) you've got this natural confidence your small an your cute, people like you, I'm a social outcast with a mumbling problem... (puts head down sadly) (Summer smiles and sits next to Seth. she puts her arm around his neck) Summer: your jus realising this now Seth: well if we go to college together everybody's gonna love you an I'm gonna be your nerdy boyfriend Summer: (frowns) an I'm gonna be your not so bright girlfriend that cant keep up when everyone's talking about Yakuza films an proust Seth: (looks at Summer) its proost Summer: see, look (takes Seth's hand) we have'ta be honest with each other or this is never gonna work Seth: (looks down) ...I know your right Summer: so is there anything else you need to tell me, cause now's your chance just put it out on the table Seth: (looks at Summer)...no (shakes head) Summer: (smiles) ok, then you are officially exonerated (Seth raises his eyebrows impressed) thesaurus again Seth: oh (Summer nods, Seth smiles and they lean in to kiss each other, Seth kisses her first and Summer half laughs. Summer holds Seth's hand and taps it) Seth: (sighs) you wanna get down CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is sitting at his desk in his office and Matt comes in Matt: hey (Sandy looks) I didn't know we were workin this weekend, I thought may you an i'd go hit the links Sandy: what, an ruin a sport I love (Matt laughs) it's the weekend so I'm gonna make this brief as I know how (Matt looks at him) I was at dinner last night with Kirsten at the Yacht Club, I saw you there (Matt sits) with Mia (looks at Matt) Matt: (sighs) Henry Griffin told Mia about meeting with me so she decided to get in touch Sandy: (raises eyebrows) she asked you to dinner Matt: (nods) she did (Sandy doesn't look convinced) why is it illegal to take a girl out to dinner Sandy: you know when Kirsten use'ta run this place...I saw alotta creeps in nice suits (Matt raises his eyebrows) that use'ta try to use her to get to her father, I didn't like it then (raises eyebrows, shakes head) an I don't like it now Matt: we're tryin'a build a hospital that could service a hundred thousand uninsured Sandy: your tryin'a use a daughter to manipulate her father, an your comfortable with that Matt: (looks down then at Sandy) look Sandy your a great guy...but maybe you don't have the stomach for this (leans forward) all I'm sayin is that we're gonna have'ta bend the rules if we wanna win a game Sandy: that'll look great on a bumper sticker (Matt looks up) I wanna see you on Monday (Matt stands) with a real game plan Matt: alright (Matt leaves and Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - we see a blurry Ryan in the background and a hand knocking on the door way. Ryan is sitting at an architect style table and he looks over at Johnny Johnny: hey (smiles) (Ryan doesn't look happy to see Johnny but he turns to face him anyway) Johnny: um Kirsten let me in she seems really nice Ryan: what'do you want Johnny: (walks in, softly) um, look um (looks at Ryan) you've always been a really good guy to me, you know you've (Ryan closes his eyes then looks at him) helped me with Volchok an trust me with Marissa Ryan: an now you're in love with her Johnny: (looks at Ryan)...I told her (Ryan looks down) I-I promised myself I-I would just live with these feelings you know I...I wouldn't do anything about them but um...I jus can't do that anymore Ryan: ...what'do you want my blessing (closes eyes) Johnny: ...I guess I just...just wanted to say I'm sorry (nods) Ryan: (looks at Johnny) thanks for that...(swallows) leave - now (turns back to the table) (Johnny looks at Ryan for a second and then leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Al Fornos - we see Neil and Laura at a table together, talking Laura: well I'm passionately devoted to my work on the board of the children's museum, children are so important, don't you think (the camera has now zoomed out to show that Julie is sitting at the table near them, but with her back facing them, so we can see her face. well kind of, she has a "disguise" on, lol big black sunglasses, and a scarf covering most of her head. she's also on the phone Julie: (screws up face) ugh she's so phony (we now see that Kirsten is on the phone out in the backyard. we are seeing her through the kitchen window) Kirsten: well of course she is, she lives in Newport (Julie gasps and then we see what she is seeing, which is Taryn coming in) Julie: oh god may day, Taryn Baker just walked in Kirsten: well you better get outta there before she sees you (Taryn smiles and waves at Julie) Julie: oh too late (hangs up) hi Taryn Taryn: why are you all bundled up like that, has Newport been taken over by the Taliban Julie: (stands) id really love to stay an chat but I have'ta be going Taryn: (gasps) oh my goodness it's Laura Cross (Taryn goes over to Neil and Laura's table and takes Julie with her. Julie makes a face but still has her back to them) Taryn: Laura hi, it's me Taryn from orchard club Laura: (looks) oh Taryn of course Taryn: (points) do you know Julie Julie: I have'ta go (tries to walk away but Taryn stops her) Laura: we haven't met, Julie Neil: (looks) Julie Julie: (turns around, fakes suprise while taking her glasses off) oh my, what a coincidence (smiles) Neil: have you been sitting at the next table this whole time (smiles) (Julie looks mortified) are you spying on me (Laura and Taryn look at Julie) Julie: uh I...I'm sorry (Julie turns around to leave and bumps into a waiter. the tray he's holding goes on his chest. Taryn has her mouth agape in shock. Julie leaves. Neil smiles and puts his hand up to his head) CUT TO: The pier - Marissa is sitting on a bench by herself, staring out at the water. Kaitlin walks over Kaitlin: hey (Marissa looks then looks away) (sits) there's a sale at Paul Frank if you wanna go...probably can't afford anything (looks at Marissa) but we could try stuff on Marissa: (softly) no thanks Kaitlin: I'm guessing your still mad at me (Marissa closes her eyes and looks down) look I know you may not believe me when I say this but (looks at Marissa) I'm tryin'a do you a favour Marissa: oh yeah, well thanks so far its been a real blast (Marissa puts her arms around her knees, hugging them to her chest while looking out at the water) Kaitlin: (thinks) remember when we were little an dad use'ta always take us to Baskin Robbins (Marissa looks at her) you''d have'ta sample like every single flavour before you could decide on what you actually wanted, an then once you did...you realised that you didn't like it so you'd cry...dad'd have'ta take you back in to get another cone Marissa: is this another story (shrugs) about how growing up (raises eyebrows) it was always about me Kaitlin: no, it's about you not trusting your instincts Marissa: ...maybe I'm not (shrugs) built that way Kaitlin: so (shakes head) it's a skill, learn it, make a decision an stick with it (Marissa looks away) remember what I use'ta always get Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) gold medal ribbon Kaitlin: every time, I figured I loved it (looks at Marissa) why question it (Marissa looks back out at the water thinking. Kaitlin leaves. we then see a breathtaking shot of the sun setting, it's truly Kodak moment stuff) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Johnny comes out of the bathroom towel drying his hair and then goes into his bedroom. Johnny's mom comes to the doorway Gwen: honey (Johnny looks) you just missed Marissa Johnny: Marissa Gwen: yeah, she left this for you (holds out envelope) (Johnny takes the envelope and starts to open it. Gwen smiles and leaves. Johnny starts reading) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is on his bed watching TV, we hear a few footsteps and then a knock. Its Marissa in the doorway. Ryan turns the TV off and looks over Marissa: (leans in the doorway) I'm sorry...(sighs) Ryan: (sits around, sighs) you wanna be with Johnny (stands) Marissa: no, I'm sorry I ever made you wonder Ryan: (looks down) look you two have a connection I get that it's not even about him Marissa: no its (shrugs) its about me (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) i was just (closes eyes) not being able to talk to you about Trey (Ryan listens) an then with Kaitlin coming back, her hooking up with Johnny (closes eyes) it jus...(shrugs) it threw me for a loop, but I think we can get passed this Ryan: its not that easy you can't just snap your fingers an make everything go back the way it was before Marisa: well we can try, maybe start with dinner (Ryan looks at Marissa. Marissa looks at him, hopeful) CUT TO: Wayside trailer park - the first thing we see is some old movie on the TV. Kaitlin is on the couch by herself watching the movie and eating what appears to be breakfast cereal, we hear/see a knock at the door. Kaitlin turns the TV off and opens the door, Johnny is standing there Kaitlin: Johnny (looks Johnny up and down) which Cooper are you here to see Johnny: (laughs) I'm here ta see you, I thought maybe we could go to the beach Kaitlin: for a night surfing lesson Johnny: I was thinkin more like bonfire an tequila (smiles) Kaitlin: (looks at Johnny impressed) even better, I know where my mom keeps the stash (smiles) (Johnny goes inside and Kaitlin grabs the bottle) Kaitlin: so what's the occasion Johnny: just feel like you an I never really got a chance to party, what'do you say Kaitlin: ok (gives tequila to Johnny) (Johnny smiles and goes outside, Kaitlin grabs something, a jacket? and leaves the trailer) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is sitting on the couch in his office, its dark and he looks stressed. Kirsten comes to the door with food, Sandy looks over Kirsten: hungry Sandy: oh I'm sorry baby (looks at watch) I...I should'a called Kirsten: oh that's ok (sits next to Sandy) I figured you were here (puts food down) Sandy: who would'a thought the Newport Group would be where I go to for a moment of zen Kirsten: oh, sometimes this job makes you do alot of (looks at Sandy, sighs) hard thinking Sandy: (shakes head) I want this hospital more than I have wanted anything in a long time Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) then you cant let Matt's relationship with Mia Griffin stand in your way (Sandy looks at her) for all you know she could be using him to or (shrugs) they could live happily ever after (Sandy nods) the point is if you want this as bad as I think you do, you have'ta go for it Sandy: so where's the line (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: I'm not worried about you knowing where the line is, you always do, it's who you are (smiles) (Sandy looks as though he's not so sure) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we hear loud music and see an open window with an ashtray sitting on the window sill. we can also see a little bit of smoke drifting up. we then hear a loud knock at the door. Seth quickly jumps up and tries to wave the smoke out the window Seth: uh-hm, coming Summer: (off screen) Cohen! (knocks harder) Seth: hang on (Seth picks up the ashtray and takes it over towards his desk) Summer: (off screen) Cohen why is the door locked (knocks more) (we now see Summer standing outside the door) Summer: Cohen, I brought some DVD's (we suddenly hear a scratching sound and the music disappears, Seth opens the door and waves) Summer: (holds up DVD rental cases) hm Save The Last Dance an She's All That, now I know you're not interested in either of them but I cannot watch another movie about Japanese people flying through the air Seth: ok that's fine uh let's go downstairs (tries to walk passed) Summer: wait what- that's fine but are you ok (worried, frowns) Seth: yeah I'm great come on Summer: what's that smell (sniffs) Seth: it is incense I was doing yoga plus I had some really bad gas (shuts the door) Summer: gross FADE TO: The beach - we see the bonfire Johnny was talking about earlier, Johnny is standing next to it drinking the tequila and poking the fire with a long stick. Kaitlin is standing nearby watching him. Johnny takes a few drinks and then Kaitlin takes the bottle off him, she drinks and then screws up her face Kaitlin: ugh, god, wish we brought somethin to mix it with (crouches) Johnny: (drunk, crouches) yeah (takes bottle back) a couple more sips...you won't even notice (drinks) Kaitlin: mmkay alchy, can we just hook up already err, before you pass out on me Johnny: (laughs) you don't waste any time do you Kaitlin: well it's just the fire (sarcastically) it's so romantic (looks at Johnny) Johnny: well the fire is...actually kinda dying (drinks) Kaitlin: well (stands) ok then, ill just go find some driftwood, heat things up a bit (Kaitlin walks away and Johnny laughs and shakes his head, holding onto the tequila bottle tightly. after a few seconds we see a close up of him taking out Marissa's letter from earlier. he unfolds it and looks at it sadly. we see a close up of Johnny's anguished face and then we hear a noise. Johnny looks and Kaitlin is back) Kaitlin: (looks down at Johnny) what's that Johnny: (screws up letter) I don't wanna remember (throws letter into the fire) (Kaitlin crouches down near the fire and looks at Johnny, almost smiling. Johnny looks at her upset. all of a sudden Johnny stands up and Kaitlin follows him. Johnny looks around and then starts walking away) Kaitlin: where are you going Johnny: climb up there Kaitlin: (follows Johnny) hey tequila an rock climbing I'm not exactly sure it's the best combination Johnny: (doesn't care) so don't come Kaitlin: (calls) Johnny wait CUT TO: Wayside trailer park - Julie takes a bottle of something out of the fridge, she's upset, either crying or has been recently. we then hear a knock, she ignores the knock and drinks from the bottle Julie: go away Gus (we hear more knocking) Julie: (sighs, not in the mood, goes towards the door) I told you I don't wanna play strip pinochle (before Julie can open the door Neil does. Julie looks at him, stunned, with tear streaked cheeks. aww) Neil: you play strip pinochle Julie: long story, wh- (sniffs) what're you doing here Neil: I stopped by to thank you for fixing me up with Laura (Julie looks at him) she's a wonderful woman Julie: (nods)...well, good I'm-I'm glad it worked out with the two of you (we hear a high pitched beep) Julie: if you'll excuse me I have a hot pocket in the microwave an a wine cooler with my name on it so, good luck (goes to close the door, Neil stops her) what! what'do you want Neil: (looks at Julie) you Julie: excuse me Neil: you can be manipulative, you can be aggressive, I've known you to stretch the truth on occasion (Julie looks down) but the fact is, when I'm not around you I miss you Julie: (raises eyebrows) you do Neil: (nods) what can I say (Julie looks at him) (laughs) I've fallen for you (smiles) Julie: (smiles, laughs, wipes tears away) well, this just may be your lucky night (looks at Neil) I have an extra hot pocket (Neil smiles and then goes inside and closes the door) CUT TO: The beach - the first thing we see is Johnny on the side of a pretty big rocky cliff, he's climbing up it with the tequila bottle still in his hand Johnny: (calls) I'm almost to the top (we see that Kaitlin is on the sand near the bottom of the cliff looking up at Johnny) Kaitlin: (half smiles) Johnny would you jus come down already, you're wasted Johnny: (calls) nah nah I'm not wasted Kaitlin: Johnny jus come down (Johnny keeps climbing) Kaitlin: (starting to worry) stop it that's high enough! Johnny: I'm not gonna fall Kaitlin: your scaring me...I-I get it your awesome, just stop! (Johnny goes to grab some rock and it crumbles away, one of his feet slip and he is only hanging on by one hand and one foot) Kaitlin: Johnny! oh my god Johnny: (calls) its ok (we see Johnny get his feet back on the rocks) Kaitlin: Johnny! Johnny: (looks down at Kaitlin, laughs) did you see Kaitlin: Johnny jus come down Johnny: (holds out bottle) I almost dropped it (Kaitlin looks up at Johnny worried) Johnny: (calls) its ok I got it Kaitlin: (begs) Johnny please! just come - down! (we see Johnny ignoring Kaitlin and crawling his way over the edge at the top) CUT TO: The pool house - we see Ryan and Marissa walk in, Marissa is carrying two plastic bags with take away food in them Ryan: poor Seth, he's really inta that movie Marissa: yeah I know an he ate all of our dumplings (Marissa puts one of the bags down and hands the other to Ryan. Ryan sits on the edge of the bed and Marissa sits on the foot stool in front of him a little. Marissa watches Ryan, Ryan looks at her and then looks down) Marissa: look I know it's gonna take more than Thai food an teen movies to sort this out but...if you wanna talk (looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Marissa then away) talkings the last thing I feel like doing Marissa: I figured since you gave me silent treatment the whole way in the car Ryan: (frustrated) what'do you want from me (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (looks at Ryan, away, then back at him) I want you (moves closer) (Ryan looks at her. Marissa is sitting in front of him all cute and vulnerable, she touches his arm and looks into his eyes. aww. Ryan touches her and then Marissa leans forward, touches the side of his neck and kisses him. aww. after a few seconds Ryan brings his hand up to Marissa's neck and kisses her back. the next thing we see is Marissa lowering herself onto the bed with Ryan above her, still kissing each other. the kissing continues for a few seconds and then Ryan helps Marissa take her jacket off, they manage to get one arm off without stopping but Marissa has to sit up for the other side. as she does we hear her cell phone ringing. Ryan is still on top of her, kind of leaning on his arms to support himself) Marissa: (looks over at the phone) uh Ryan: (with his head near Marissa's neck) d'you want me to answer that (laughs) Marissa: not really (laughs, kisses Ryan) wait Ryan: mm (Marissa reaches over for her cell phone and looks at who is calling) Marissa: its Kaitlin (puts phone back) Ryan: ah she's settin the mood (Ryan kisses Marissa and we hear it ring again. Marissa laughs and touches the side of Ryan's neck, it rings again. Ryan runs his hand down the side of Marissa's face gently) Marissa: mm, alright let me just get rid of her (laughs) Ryan: no no (kisses Marissa's forehead) she's setting the mood (mumbles something and continues kissing Marissa's neck) Marissa: (laughs) wait (Ryan leans up) (answers) Kaitlin let me call you back (we now see Kaitlin at the beach, she is on the phone and really scared) Kaitlin: Marissa can you come an get me (Marissa listens) I'm at Westward cove with Johnny (Ryan kisses Marissa's nose and forehead) Marissa: no I'm busy Ryan: yeah gettin busy (Marissa laughs and playfully pushes Ryan's mouth away) Kaitlin: no but you don't understand (upset) I'm scared, he's drunk an he's acting like a crazy person (we see Johnny now standing at the edge of the cliff with the bottle of tequila in his hand) Johnny: (calls) hey come up here, you've gotta see this view, whoooo Kaitlin: (heard through the phone) Johnny jus come - down (Marissa rubs Ryan's neck and smiles, Ryan sighs and moves off of her and Marissa sits up) Marissa: what's that Kaitlin: Marissa it's him I'm telling you, Johnny's in trouble an...I don't know what to do Marissa: um hold on (Ryan sits up) she sounds really upset Ryan: it's Johnny Marissa: yeah he's in trouble Ryan: (takes phone) Kaitlin Kaitlin: Ryan you have'ta help me he's drunk an he's gonna get hurt Ryan: (looks at Marissa) he's really in trouble Kaitlin: yes come now! Ryan: be right there CUT TO: Cohen family room - we see a close up of a teary eyed Seth sitting on the couch, we can see Summers arm next to him Seth: wow (raises eyebrows) so that was um (scratches head, swallows) that was Save The Last Dance huh Summer: ok I know there weren't any subtitles or Kung Fu or whatever (looks at Seth) but I thought it was pretty good Seth: (over Summer) no, I thought it was amazing (Summer is suprised) that dance number at the end was so inspiring, an Summer I'm so glad I'm so so glad (Summer frowns) that she got into Julliard in - the - end (shakes head) an she did it...for her mom (looks at Summer, touches Summers head) Summer: oh oh (grabs Seth's hand) Seth: for...her mom, Summer Summer: yeah (shakes head) wasn't that good (holds Seth's hand and frowns at Seth) Seth: (points) this'is pretty amazing to (Summer looks at what Seth is looking at and frowns. we then see what it is, the bright blue screen on the TV when something has ended, lol) Summer: it's just a blue screen (Seth tries to touch Summers head/face again, she puts up her hands to stop him and frowns) Seth: I know but its so blue, I never...realised how blue it was before, kinda like (shrugs) I wanna go swimming in it or somethin (frowns, mesmerised) Summer: (nods, frowns) yeah Seth: a little dippy dip Summer: ok, it's pretty blue Seth: yeah Summer: (thinks) could you excuse me I gotta go to the bathroom (stands) Seth: yeah I'm not goin anywhere, mm (rubs face) (we see another shot of the plain blue screen on the TV, lol) Seth: (rubs head with a really happy expression) I'm not goin anywhere, we should- we should take our pants off (the next thing we see is Captain Oats sitting under a lamp in Seth's room. Summer comes in) Summer: (sighs, crouches next to Capt Oats) come on Captain Oats, we both know (raises eyebrows) something's up (Summer stands up and sighs, then goes over to Seth's desk. she opens up a drawer and lifts some papers and things, feels to the back and then shuts it. she opens another draw and stops suddenly. the zip lock bag isn't even hidden its just sitting there on top of everything. Summer looks at the zip lock back and frowns) Summer: eww CUT TO: The beach parking lot - the range rover drives up. Ryan and Marissa get out and look over towards the cliff, we hear Johnny go whooo loudly. we can also see the bonfire still burning on the sand Ryan: over there, you go ta Kaitlin I'm gonna find another way up there, keep him talking Marissa: ok, be careful (Ryan and Marissa go down the stairs to the sand. we then see Johnny with the tequila bottle in his mouth, stumbling near the edge. Kaitlin is still watching, scared) Kaitlin: (yells) Johnny just come down! Marissa: (off screen) Kaitlin (Kaitlin looks) are you alright (Marissa hugs Kaitlin to her) Kaitlin: I'm so happy that your here Johnny: whoo (Marissa and Kaitlin look up at Johnny) Johnny: (looks down) Marissa Marissa: Johnny (off screen) look you have'ta get down from there (we see Ryan making his way up the hill to get to Johnny) Johnny: no I dont wanna even see you? (mumbles something) Marissa: (off screen) we can get through this alright, I mean your one of my best friends (we see Ryan pass 2 signs. one says CAUTION HAZARDOUS AREA, and then underneath that is a NO TRESPASSING sign) Johnny: after all we've ben through (Marissa looks up at him helplessly) I get to be your best friend (we see that Ryan is now a few meters away from Johnny) Johnny: jus go away, leave me alone (drinks) Marissa: (off screen) come on just let me explain it to you, look jus come down Johnny (Johnny turns around and sees Ryan standing there. Ryan looks at him) Johnny: (points) dude you are the last person I wanna see right now Ryan: ok alright (motions) lets get you down from there we can talk about it later ok Johnny: (points) right, right, right so you can save me one more time for (laughs) Marissa (Ryan looks at him worri

Ryan confronts Marissa about their relationship when Kaitlin interferes with her friendship with Johnny. Seth confronts Summer about his Brown interview. Meanwhile, Kirsten and Julie take their dating service a little too far.

fd_The_L_Word_01x07

fd_The_L_Word_01x07_0

INT. - ROME, ITALY - A COSTUME SEWING ROOM - DAY [Light opera music plays softly in the background. Beyond that, a man and a woman can be heard bickering in Italian.] [Closeups of spools of ribbon in pink, gold, white; spools of string in red, purple, gold, and blue. Straight pins with colored heads, stuck in a small pin cushion. 1920s-era paintings of women, one in a maid's uniform, one in an exquisite black gown.] [A beautiful young Italian woman stands in the center of the room, on a platform. Francesca Wolff, professional costume designer, kneels near her, tending to her gown. Francesca's assistant, Carla, stands nearby.] Francesca: I don't usually do a live performance. But, I did the movie with Baz. [title card: Rome, Italy - Present Day] Girl: (politely) I did not see it. Francesca: (standing) Oh, but you know the story. [The girl smiles and shakes her head.] Girl: No. Not really. Francesca: Oh, my god, "The Gift of the Magi"? [Francesca looks at the back of the girl's gown.] Francesca: This is not gonna work. They were supposed to cut it on the bias. You can't wear this. (to assistant) Carola, non mi piace. Di a Battistoni di rifarlo. (Carola, I don't like it. Tell Battistoni to remake it.) [Carola leaves.] Francesca: (to girl) Well, let me see what I can do here. Turn this way. [Francesca puts her hand on the girl's rear and turns her.] Woman's voice: (offscreen) Bueno, bueno! Andiamo! (Good, good. Hurry up!) [Francesca works on the gown and watches herself in the mirror.] Francesca: (to girl) Anyway, "The Gift of the Magi". It's a story by O. Henry. It's about the foolish sacrifices we make for love. Girl: Foolish, how? Francesca: Well, in the story there are two young lovers: Joe and Della. And they have no money. They want so desperately to buy each other a Christmas present... [Francesca lightly runs her hand up the girl's exposed leg, to her thigh, watching herself in the mirror. The girl looks nervous but aroused.] Francesca: I'm gonna try something, but I gotta pin it from underneath. Girl: ... Okay. [Francesca gets some pins and kneels beside the girl.] Francesca: So, Joe, the young man, he has only one possession: his grandfather's gold pocket watch. [Francesca pretends to pin the dress. She touches the girl's leg again. The girl tenses.] Francesca: Which he treasures more than anything. [Francesca slowly runs her hand up the girl's thigh. The girl gasps quietly.] Francesca: Except for Della. [The girl begins to breathe heavily and grasp at her dress. Francesca inches her hand up higher; the music playing in the background hits a high note and the girl gasps deeply. Francesca looks at her in the mirror.] Francesca: Shall I go on? Girl: What? Francesca: With the story. Girl: Yes... please... [main titles] EXT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - DAY [A big, modern home with lots of glass, looking out over a duck pond.] INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - DAY [A female singer croons in Spanish - Luz Casal - "Un A o de Amor". Marina is singing to herself, as she pins her hair up in the mirror.] Marina: (singing along) Y de noche , y de noche... por no sentirte solo... recordar s (And at night, and at night... so you won't feel lonely... you'll remember) INT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY [Tim comes in through the back door, dragging a trash bag. He goes through the house, and stops at the couch, stuffing some of Jenny's clothing in the bag. He heads for the front door when Jenny opens it and steps in. Tim stares at her. She looks dirty and tired. She sets her sleeping bag down.] Tim: Where have you been? [Tim, also looking rather scruffy, glares at her as she speaks.] Jenny: I, um, I met these two kids, and, uh... they lived in this little town called Bishop, which is in the Sierras. And, uh, it was so beautiful. I - there was this mountain called Thunderbolt Peak. (laughs) And you know, of course, I could never make it to the top of a mountain, right? Tim: You climbed a mountain? Jenny: I - yeah. Tim: I got your letter, Jenny. [Jenny looks down.] Jenny: Uh-huh. Tim: I never wanted you to rip your heart out. (a beat) I just... wanted you to... be honest with me. Jenny: (nods) Yes. [Jenny pulls off her backpack.] Jenny: I have this present for you. (going through backpack) I found this in this, um, little tiny town called Lone Pine. [Jenny pulls out a small box, opens it and hands it to him.] Jenny: It's like, it's a chain for your... stopwatch. So you don't forget it all the time. [Jenny holds it out for him to take.] Tim: (a beat) I broke it. [Jenny looks at the box.] Jenny: It was your grandfather's. Tim: (whispering) Yeah, it was. (two beats) It was that day. [Tim refers to the day he found caught Jenny and Marina. Jenny looks up at him. Tim looks away and folds his arms.] Jenny: I'm sorry. [Tim stares at her.] Tim: So... that was... the first time that it happened? Jenny: (nodding) Yes. [Tim's expression changes to anger. He grabs a garbage bag full of her clothes sitting by the door and walks through the door. He throws the bag onto the front lawn. He walks back inside.] Tim: Those are yours. Get out. [Tim walks into the bathroom.] Tim: (offscreen) (angrily) You were screwing her since the first night you went out! Even Bette and Tina knew! [Tim comes back a moment later with an armful of shampoo bottles and odds and ends.] Tim: (angrily) I was the only idiot who had no f*cking clue! [Jenny puts a hand to her face. Tim throws the stuff out onto the lawn.] Tim: (angrily) You pathological f*cking liar! (pointing) Get out of my house! [Jenny stares at him and doesn't move.] Tim: (threatening) Jenny, get out of my house. [Jenny doesn't move.] Tim: Go. Jenny: Okay. [Tim picks up her sleeping bag and throws it out onto the front lawn. Jenny covers her ears.] Jenny: No, no - okay. [Jenny slowly bends down to pick up her bag. She walks out onto the front lawn. Tim closes the door.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Marina sips on some tea then walks to the table where Shane, Alice and Dana sit.] Dana: And, like, that's it? You want us to ask, though. So we're asking. Alice: Just 'cause she's squatty, and like... (indecipherable)... I'm not saying - Shane: And like what? [Marina sits.] Shane: She's just short, guys, allright? There's nothing wrong with it. She's tiny. Alice: (to Marina) f*cking Shane met Madonna at Harry Samchuck's party. Marina: (French) (smiling) Madonna, la petite blonde qui chante? (Madonna, the small blonde who sings?) [Shane smiles at Marina.] Dana: Yeah, so, does she want you? Alice: Did you already do her? Shane: Well, I am doing her hair next week. Alice: (amazed) Oh, my god. Dana: (to Marina) And Harry gave Shane his yacht. Marina: He gave you his yacht? Shane: Yeah. Friday night. I'm having a party, so be there, okay? [Bette and Tina walk in and seat themselves at the table.] Bette: Hi. Shane/Marina: Hi. Alice: Hi guys. Dana: Hey! Shane: Hello. Dana: How are you doing? Tina: Good, how are you? [Shane starts to get up for Tina. Tina pats her on the back to sit back down. Bette gets a chair for Tina from another table.] Bette: Here's a chair for you. Tina: (sitting) (groaning) Oh... thanks baby. Shane: So Tina, how do you feel? [Dana and Alice gawk at Shane.] Tina: Oh, my god, you guys. You wouldn't believe it. My acid indigestion is so much better since Doctor Wilson prescribed the antacid. (to Bette) The tablets are a lot better than the liquid. Bette: (nodding) Yeah. Much better. Tina: Yeah. (to the others) But last night, I woke up at 3 AM, with the most unbelievable heartburn. [Alice and Dana shift uncomfortably in their seats.] Tina: My HCD levels are really high, which can be a good thing in a pregnancy, but it makes nausea so much worse. Bette: (chuckling) (to the others) Well, it's supposed to subside after 14 weeks... [Later...] Tina: This morning, I am pulling on my socks... [Bette laughs.] Tina: ... and I noticed this varicose vein. Right there. Bette: Oh, there it is. [Bette kisses her fingers and puts her fingers to the spot Tina is pointing out.] [Later...] Bette: Yeah, well, if she keeps doing her prenatal yoga and the pelvic floor exercises... [Later...] Bette: (gesturing) It's because of the increase in hormone production that the muscular walls of the veins relax. It's unbelievable what the female body goes through. [Dana, Alice and Shane look bored beyond tears.] Tina: Which reminds me, today is our ceremony in spirit flow. Dana: What ceremony? Tina: You don't remember? We told you about it. [Alice and Shane are totally out of the conversation. Dana smiles and shrugs at Bette and Tina.] Bette: The Sikhs believe that the soul enters the fetus' body at 13 weeks. [Alice nods absently. Dana stares into space.] Shane: Cool. Tina: And Gurudev, my yoga teacher, she does this ritual, and we were just hoping that you guys would be there for the chanting. And, uh, there's gonna be a blessing. [Alice, Dana and Shane look completely zoned out. Dana grins and nods.] Alice: No, we - we wouldn't miss it. Wouldn't. Shane: (shaking head) Absolutely not. Alice: That's great. [Dana gives the 'thumbs up'.] EXT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY [Jenny sits alone on the sidewalk, surrounded by all the stuff that Tim threw out.] INT. - YOGA CLASS - DAY [Students sit along the walls. Bette and Tina sit in the middle of the room, facing Gurudev, the instructor. Everyone begins to chant.] Bette/Tina/class: Ohmmmmmmm.... Ohmmmmmmm... [Kit, Shane, Alice and Dana sit cross-legged on the floor, against one of the walls. All of them look a little bewildered. Kit tries to follow along.] Alice: (to Dana) Ohmmmmm my god. [Gurudev sits at the head of the class, surrounded by traditional icons, dressed in white robes and a turbin.] Gurudev: (smiling) Now, if you'll all join me in singing "May the Longtime Sun," and remember to send your blessings to Tina and Bette... [Bette and Tina smile. Bette takes Tina's hand.] Gurudev: ... and the new being they're creating. [Everyone begins to sing.] Everyone: (singing) "May the longtime sun shine upon you..." [Kit grasps the hands of Shane and the woman on her other side, and sways back and forth, singing. Shane stares in agony at Alice and Dana.] Everyone: (singing) "All love surround you..." [Alice and Dana stare at the class blankly. Bette and Tina sway back and forth, singing.] Everyone: (singing) "And the pure light within you..." [An extremely pregnant woman walks over and sits next to Dana. She takes Dana's hand and begins singing and swaying back and forth. Dana grins uncomfortably.] Everyone: (singing) "Guide your way home..." [Dana smiles wide-eyed at Alice as the woman sways them back and forth.] Everyone: (singing) "May the longtime sun shine upon you..." INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Music plays in the background. Marina walks from the back, up to the counter. She spots Jenny sitting at a table on the other side of the room. Jenny frowns as she stares at Marina. She looks unhappy and in dire need of a bath. Marina hesitates, then walks over to her.] Marina: What happened to you? [Jenny has tears in her eyes.] Jenny: (two beats) (whispering) I know that you, um... don't want to talk to me after what I said to you. Marina: What do you need, Jenny? Jenny: (whispering) I need a bath. [They stare at each other.] Jenny: (whispering) Can I go to your house? [Marina looks a little annoyed.] Jenny: (whispering) I can... wait for your break - Marina: I thought you never wanted to see me again. Jenny: (whispering) We were together for four years. (a beat) We were engaged. (a beat) I just had to try to make things work. Marina: He really loves you. [Jenny nods as she stares up at Marina. Her eyes water. Marina holds out her arms to show Jenny the bruises Tim left on her.] Marina: He came to show me. [Jenny sees the bruises. She shakes her head.] Jenny: Tim did that to you? Marina: Yes. But don't worry, I'm not gonna press charges. Jenny: (shaking head) Am I just a coward... (a beat) and a liar... (a beat) (voice wavering) and a cheater? [Marina doesn't answer. Jenny takes Marina's arm and kisses it. Marina looks around uncomfortably at first. She hesitates, then puts a comforting hand on Jenny's head.] EXT. - VENICE BEACH BOARDWALK - SUNSET [Kit pushes her bicycle next to Tina, Bette, Alice, Dana and Shane, who're walking among the Venice Beach crowds.] Kit: Adios, chiquitas. (Bye girls.) Tina: Oh, bye baby. [Tina hugs and kisses Kit goodbye.] Kit: See you guys later. [Bette and Kit hug and kiss goodbye.] Kit: Oh, mwah! Alice: Bye, Kit! Kit: See you guys! Shane: Bye. Dana: See you later! [Kit rides off.] Tina: (to Shane) So, tell us again about this crazy party on the boat? Shane: Oh. Allright. Harry booked it, right? But it turns out he has to go out of town. So... there's a free bar... there are very sweet cocktail waitresses... hey, it could be tit, y'know? Bette: (almost laughing) Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure it will be tit. [Alice laughs.] Bette: And I'm sure you will completely understand why we won't be there. Shane: That's too bad, you're missing out. Tina: I'm nesting, you guys. I wish I could describe what it feels like. It's... it's... Dana: It's okay, we can use our imaginations, really. Tina: Primal! [Dana and Alice look at each other.] Tina: Females in the animal kingdom, they do this when they're gestating. You become a homebody. You just... retreat! Like a brooding hen. [Bette and Tina smile at Alice, Dana and Shane.] Alice: So you guys are gonna pass up a private girl party on the most famous gin palace in the Pacific, so you can go home and sit on an egg... is this what I'm hearing? Bette: (smiling) Yes! That is what you're hearing Alice. [Bette leans over and takes Alice by the shoulders.] Bette: (smiling) Yes we are. (lets go of Alice) I gotta get back to work, you guys. Tina: Bye. Bette: Thanks for coming. Alice: Allright. Okay. [Tina smooches Alice on the cheek.] Dana: Bye. Alice: Okay. Um. Shane: It was lovely. [Tina and Bette walk off together.] Dana: Yeah, congratulations, you guys! Shane: And quite moving. Alice: It was really pretty. Dana: It's so desperate, you guys, we have to go ahead and do this. Alice: Yeah. Shane: Six o'clock. Dana: Six. Alice: Six. Dana: Okay. [Shane leaves.] Dana: Allright, we'll see ya later. INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY [Jenny sits hunched over in the bathtub. After a moment, she sits up and covers her face with her hands.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Bette walks in the front door, carrying bags.] Bette: (calling out) Sorry I'm so late, sweetie! I was just pulling out of the garage when I realized that I forgot the three new natural childbirth books we wa - [Bette stops when she sees Shane, Alice and Dana sitting in the livingroom, staring at her. Alice has on her glasses and has a clipboard in her lap and a pen in her hand. Tina a sits on the couch opposite.] Bette: (to Tina) What's going on? Tina: I don't know. These guys have something they want to talk to us about. Alice: Maybe you should have a seat next to Tina. Bette: Um, can I just - [Bette starts to walk off, indicating that she wants to put her bags up. Shane intercepts her and takes the bags.] Shane: No, no, no. No. I have it. Bette: Okay... Shane: Okay. Yeah? Yeah. [Shane heads off to put the bags away. Bette sits down next to Tina.] Tina: Uh - Shane? Will you put that in the fridge? 'Cause leaving hot food out is what brings the bacteria to life. (to Dana/Alice) And toxoplasmosis is one of the most prevalent causes of birth defects. [Dana looks at Alice. Alice writes something down on her clipboard.] Tina: You get it from contaminated food, unpasteurized cheese, and... (looks at Bette) Bette: (looks at Tina) Cats. (shakes head) Cats. Tina: Outdoor cats. Dana: (to Alice) Slander against cats. Write that down. [Alice writes something on the clipboard. Shane comes back.] Bette: Wh - What are you writing, anyway? Alice: Okay. Here goes. The reason we've gathered here, your friends and family - because we really do consider you guys our family. That's why we were at that... ritual... thing. [Bette and Tina smile at each other.] Alice: Is to perform an intervention. [Bette and Tina's smiles fade.] Shane: Look, guys, my cousins did this for my uncle Bill and he hasn't had a drop to drink since they put him in the straightjacket and hauled him off to rehab. I swear. Alice: Thank you for that, Shane. Shane: Sure. Alice: (to Bette/Tina) Now. I know what you're thinkin'. Bette: (smiling) Well that is a relief because I can safely say that we're both just totally mystified. Alice: An intervention is about helping people you love... change destructive patterns of behavior. Now, over the past approximately... (looks at Dana) Dana: Twelve. Alice: Twelve... Dana: Twelve, yeah. Alice: ... weeks, we've noticed a very alarming pattern. Um. You two are having a baby. And we are very happy for you. [Bette and Tina smile happily.] Bette: (smiling) Why wouldn't you be. Alice: We are. (to Dana) (whispering) Jump in anytime. Dana: Okay. Um. Guys. We've seen this happen with other couples that we've known. Janet and Sue, for instance, Claudia and Tammy, oh - (to Alice) god, especially Mimi and Ivy. Wow. [Bette and Tina raise their brows.] Dana: Um. It would kill us, you guys, if you wound up like Mimi and Ivy. [Shane shakes her head.] Dana: Okay. And we wouldn't be your friends if we just stood back and... let ya... get so... [Dana struggles to say something. Bette and Tina squint, waiting for her to spit it out.] Dana: So... Tina: What! Shane: Boring. Alice: Boring. Dana: Boring, guys. Bette: Boring? Tina: Boring? Alice: I know this is painful. Denial is very common. It's okay. [Bette crosses her legs and folds her arms defensively.] Alice: That's why we've actually made this list of incidents, and this multiple choice self assessment test. [Alice gets up.] Alice: Which we'll go through with you... [Alice hands Bette and Tina a couple of pages each, from her clipboard.] Alice: ... and then the two of you can fill it out together, and tally the results. Bette: (looking at pages) It has results? Tina: (looking at pages) Results you can... tally? Bette: (flipping pages) Jesus! Alice: Okay. Dana: Okay. Alice: Ready? Bette: No, but go ahead. Alice: (reading) "Wednesday, March 5. TK arrives at The Planet with a catalog of maternity underwear, and takes up the entire breakfast making everyone choose between Pima Cotton granny panties and wide-waistband stretch-lycra maternity briefs." [Bette raises her brows at Tina. Tina laughs.] Tina: I'm sure I did that, but (to Alice) I needed you to help me - Alice: Acceptance is the first step, Tina. Dana? Dana: Right. Um, Tina, this one's for you. From the questionnaire. (clears throat) And appropriate response to the question, "Hi, how are ya?" is? Tina: (looking at pages) I don't know. "A". Dana: (smiling) "A"! (reading) "Fine thanks, and you?" Uh, "B", which also would have been good, (reading) "I'm feeling a little tired today, but I'm really happy to see you guys." ... But "C"? Shane? Alice: Oh. [Alice hands Shane the clipboard.] Shane: Yep, um, "C", being, (reading) "I'm taking progesterone suppositories and my vaginal discharge is all gooey and brownish, and my gums are spongy and bleeding from the hormones and extra blood coursing through my body." [Tina folds her arms. Bette, reading along, looks at her. Shane hands the clipboard back to Alice.] Alice: Bette? I don't want you to think this is just about Tina. Bette: (smiling) No, I'm sure. Bored the hell out of you. Shane: Look, guys, we love you so much. Alice: We love you guys. We do. Dana: Ditto. [Alice jabs Dana with her elbow.] Dana: Love you. Alice: That's why it pains us so much to see you in this downward spiral. I mean, Tina? Look at your feet. [Tina looks down at her feet. She's wearing fuzzy blue slippers.] Tina: What? Bette: (reading) Oh, look, right here it says, "True/False. Right now, I am wearing fuzzy-wuzzy slippers." [Tina stands, tucks her feet under her and sits back down. Alice looks at Shane.] Shane: Allright. That's it. Alice: Okay. Allright. Dana: Okay. Great. [Shane, Alice and Dana stand up and gather their things.] Alice: So, uh... m aybe leave some copies... [Alice and Dana hand over extra copies of the papers to Bette and Tina.] Dana: Here... Yeah, we'll give you some extras in case you mess up. Shane: Dana: See ya. Alice: Okay, bye-bye. Shane: Bye, guys. [The three leave. Tina continues to read. Bette throws her papers down and lays her head down in Tina's lap. She rubs Tina's belly.] Bette: (to baby) You're not bored by your mommies, are you? [Tina brushes the hair back from Bette's face and smiles.] Bette: (to Tina) He's not. EXT. - KIT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [A big, grey apartment building. Music can be heard drifting through the air.] INT. - KIT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [Kit has the music turned up really loud. She's in the kitchen, shaking up a drink. The phone rings. She dances over to it and answers.] Kit: (phone) Hola! (Hello!) (listening) Oh, wait a minute, can you hold on? Can you hold on a minute? Just one minute! [Kit runs over to the stereo and turns the music off.] Kit: (phone) (smiling) Hi! Yeah. Yeah, this is me. INT. - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT [A young man in a business suit sits on the edge of the bed, on the phone. This is David Waters, Kit's son.] David: (phone) It's kind of a whistle-stop tour. I'm looking at Washington U. tomorrow, then I'm off to L.A. the following day. I've been offered a place at USC. An internship. Look, anyways, what I was thinking... look, I'm in interviews most of the afternoon. And then I'm catching an evening flight back to D.C. You know, but I thought maybe... maybe we could meet. INT. - KIT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [Kit listens.] David: (phone) Before I leave. Look, I - I realize you're not supposed to put yourself in... INT. - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT David: (phone) ... you know, stressful situations at this stage in the recovery process and... look, I - I want to be respectful of that. Kit: (phone) No... INT. - KIT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Kit: (phone) (smiling) ... I'm okay. I can handle it. Okay? I'll see you then. INT. - CONRAD'S (DANA'S AGENT) OFFICE - DAY [Conrad sits at his desk, punching keys on his laptop. Dana sits in a chair facing it a few feet away.] Conrad: And that's pretty much it. Until they release the campaign. (sits back) You look f*cking hot. You should dress like that more often. Dana: I'm going to a party later. Conrad: Great. (nodding) That reminds me of one thing, actually. [Dana smiles and nods.] Conrad: Um... usually in a contract like this, there's, uh, something called a Lifestyle Clause, okay, in which you as the spokesperson are expected to, uh, (makes air quotes with fingers) reflect the company's image, y'know, in all aspects of your life. [Dana frowns.] Conrad: It can be stupid things like no - no public drunkenness, or, uh, I don't know. No Satan worshipping. [Dana glares at him to cut to the chase.] Conrad: This is the deal. Once you sign this thing (puts hand on contract), Subaru owns your ass. You've gotta play by their rules. Dana: What about Martina? Conrad: Yeah. (gets up) Yeah, I know that Subaru did that whole Martina-lifestyle campaign, but that's - that's different, 'cause Martina, she's a superstar. You know, she can pull off that whole, the whole gay thing. You're not Martina, babe. You're not Tiger Woods. You're - you're not a superstar. [Dana frowns.] Conrad: What you are is very hot. Very sexy. This is it. This is your chance to cash in! But you've gotta face the facts, Dana. The clock's ticking. You know, you're, uh... your Anna Kournikova days are numbered. Dana: f*ck you, Conrad. Conrad: (joking) Hey, I've offered. [Dana rolls her eyes.] Conrad: Oh. Lighten up, Fairbanks, c'mon. You can be a lez when you retire. But right now, you're an ass-kicking... but... dick-lovin'... athlete. Who's getting a fat paycheck. All you gotta do is smile pretty for the camera. Capisce? (Understand?) [Dana stares at him in annoyance. Conrad bounces a tennis ball on the floor.] EXT. - YACHT MARINA - DAY [Bette and Tina walk to the yacht where Shane's having her party. A man with a clipboard meets them out front.] Man: Hey ladies, how you doin'? Bette: Good. Man: Names, please? Bette: Bette Porter and Tina Kennard. [The man checks the clipboard.] Man: Bette and Tina. There you go. Uh, Shane's not here yet. But you can go on board, make yourselves feel comfortable. Bette: Thanks. Tina: Okay. Thanks. Man: Actually, you're the first two to arrive. [Bette and Tina look at each other as they walk to the end of the dock.] Tina: Uh-oh. We're the first ones here? Bette: Huh. Tina: That's really boring, isn't it? Bette: That's boring. Bette/Tina: So boring. EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - DAY Tina: (looking around) God. [A waitress walks by Tina with a tray of fruit Tina takes a piece.] Bette: This is so nice. Tina: It is. [Tina and Bette go to the railing and look out over the water.] Tina: (sighs) And so peaceful. [Later...] [Loud music plays - Snow's "Legal". The deck is packed with attractive women, all talking, laughing, drinking. Some are dancing, some are enjoying a Jacuzzi.] [Tess, from the episode "Lies, Lies, Lies" walks through the crowds on deck, dancing to the music. She grabs a shot of tequila and a lime from one of the waitresses. As she walks, she tosses back the shot, then throws the glass overboard. She bites the lime, then tosses it away. She smiles as she walks to the rear of the boat, dancing. She takes off shirt, then her skirt, and steps into a Jacuzzi. Another woman stands up. They embrace, then kiss.] ELSEWHERE ON THE BOAT - [Alice is talking to a couple of girls when she turns around and sees Bette and Tina, standing off to themselves, sipping on drinks. She snaps her fingers to get their attention.] Alice: (mouthing the word) Bor-ing! (shakes head) [Bette takes Tina's drink and sets it down, then puts Tina's arms around her waist. She starts to dance. She looks over at Alice. Alice waves her finger around in a circle at them, to keep going.] EXT. - THE CHAYA BRASSERIE RESTAURANT - DAY [Cars pass by on the street. People come pass by on the sidewalk.] INT. - THE CHAYA BRASSERIE RESTAURANT - DAY [Lara and Dana are waiting on a table. Lara stands close to Dana, talking quietly to her.] Lara: (smiling) So you still haven't told me. What do you think counts as s*x? [Dana looks around uncomfortably. There's a heterosexual couple nearby. The man and woman are being affectionate, giving smooches and being close.] Dana: I don't know. (smiling) Having an orgasm? [Lara and Dana laugh.] Lara: (smiling) Well, if that was the case, that would mean thousands of women who are married with children have never had s*x. [Dana smiles at her. Lara steps closer to her.] Lara: (whispering) But either way... you and I definitely have had s*x. [Lara cups Dana's face in her hand, and whispers closer.] Lara: (whispering) You're so sexy, Dana. You make me come so hard. [Dana sees the couple looking their way. She pulls away when Lara tries to kiss her. She looks away, even more uncomfortable now.] Lara: What, did I offend you or something? Dana: No, everything's fine. [Dana glances back over at the hetero couple. They're not watching her.] [Lara gets close again, and tries to kiss Dana. Dana turns her head.] Lara: Dana, what's up? Dana: Just, I need you to stop. Lara: Stop what? Dana: Touching me. Kissing me. I can't do this, okay? I'm not ready for all this. Lara: (smiling) I don't believe you. I don't think I've ever met anyone more ready in my entire life. Dana: I know... I'm gay. And when I hide that, I hide the best part of me. But you don't understand what it means to be me. (two beats) My clock is ticking, Lara, and - and you want to have s*x in the street. Lara: What? I - Dana: And I don't want to parade around making sure everybody knows our business. I'm not like you. (quietly) I care what they think. Lara: Is this about the ad campaign, or something? Did your agent scare the sh1t out of you? Dana: (quietly) It's just, I can't stand to be judged by you all the time. [Lara shakes her head, not sure where this is coming from.] Dana: You're a bigger, better person than me and every time I look at you... (getting upset) I'm reminded of that! Lara: I'm sorry. I've been putting too much pressure on you and I'm moving too fast. Maybe we should just - [Lara puts a hand on Dana's shoulder. Dana throws it off.] Dana: No! Lara: (a beat) (quietly) No. Dana: (shakes head) I just, I ca - [Lara puts her hand to Dana's cheek. Dana brusquely pushes it away.] Dana: (upset) I can't! Okay?! Just forget it! [The heterosexual couple looks away, trying to stay out of their private moment.] Dana: (wiping tears) I can't. It's too hard. [Dana cries. Lara looks at her sadly.] Dana: (crying) I don't want to be with you. [Lara is silent. Dana backs away, crying, then turns and leaves. Lara stands there, heartbroken.] [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [Lisa and Alice are sitting together, talking. Bette and Tina sit nearby, within earshot.] Lisa: What were you doing last night around 9:15? Alice: I don't know. Um... I think brushing my teeth. (laughs) Lisa: Did you feel anything? Because I was sending you Reiki. Alice: Oh, my god. Did you say 9:15? Tina: (to Bette) (whispering) Reiki, isn't that boring? Bette: (to Tina) (whispering) Really boring. Write it down. Lisa: (to Alice) You're under so much stress right now with everything that's going on with your mother and your siblings. If you want, I could do some hands on with you later tonight. Alice: I would love that. I would really love that. I actually, I have this... (rubbing shoulder) I - I don't know if you can feel this... [Lisa puts his hand on Alice's shoulder, where she's rubbing. Alice looks over at Bette and Tina. Bette sticks a finger in her mouth, as if to gag herself. They giggle at Alice.] Lisa: Yeah. Alice: Can you feel that? Lisa: Yeah. [Lisa rubs Alice's neck. Alice closes her eyes.] Lisa: it's definitely... blocked. ELSEWHERE ON THE BOAT - [Shane is sitting with a girl, having a glass of wine. The girl kisses Shane's neck. Shane, smiling, looks up and sees Dana board the yacht.] Shane: (to girl) Hold on a moment? [Shane kisses the girl and gets up to go to Dana. Dana looks upset.] Shane: Hey, hey, hey. Dana: (quietly) Hey. Shane: Where's your woman? Dana: She couldn't make it. Shane: That sucks. Are you allright? Dana: Yeah, I'm fine. [Dana takes Shane's wine glass and downs it all in one drink.] INT. - THE SEA MAN - CABIN - NIGHT [Alice sits on the bed, eyes closed. Lisa sits behind her, eyes closed, his hands near her ears. Dance music can be heard through the walls.] Lisa: You feeling that? Alice: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Lisa: I'm working telepathically on your glutes right now. Alice: (opening eyes) Right. Lisa: You're carrying a lot of stress in your lower back and hips. (takes deep breath and exhales) Right now... I'm releasing it. Alice: Okay. [Lisa exhales and draws his hands over Alice's shoulders, down her sides and to her hips.] Lisa: Now take your shirt off. I think it might help. Alice: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure, of course. If you think it'll help. [Lisa helps Alice off with her shirt. Alice, now in her bra, relaxes and closes her eyes again.] Alice: Okay. [Lisa closes his eyes, exhales and puts his hands on either side of her head again.] EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [A group is gathered at the back of the boat, doing body shots. Shane, Dana, Bette and Tina are in the group. Salsa music plays in the background.] Shane: Are you ready? Dana: Ready. Shane: Allright. Cheers. Woman: Cheers. [Everyone clinks glasses, then they all do their shots. Shane licks the chest of the woman next to her, does her shot, then bites the lime out of her mouth. Dana does the same with the woman next to her, then Bette does the same with Tina. Bette makes a face when she gets too much of the lime in her mouth. Tina laughs at her.] Shane: One more. One more. One more. One more. [Bette gawks at Shane.] Woman: One more? Shane: Yes. One more. [Everybody gets their drinks, salt and lime ready.] Dana: We ready? Shane: Ready? Allright. Once again. Dana: Go. Woman: Cheers. [Bette licks the salt off Tina's bosom, then tosses her drink overboard. Nobody notices. Dana laughs, enjoying herself.] Shane: Fabulous! Okay. [Dana sets her shot glass down and shakes her fingers through her hair.] Dana: Whoo! ELSEWHERE ON THE BOAT - [Marina and Jenny have boarded, and walk up to the upper deck where people are dancing to Mercury Sound Cartel's "Bahia Clouds". Jenny stops and marvels at the crowd - all women. Marina moves to the dance floor and starts to dance. Jenny smiles and joins her.] INT. - THE SEA MAN - CABIN - NIGHT [Music from the party is heard through the walls. Alice and Lisa are half-undressed, making out on the bed. Alice reaches down and sticks her hand down Lisa's pants, but he pulls her hand back up.] Lisa: Wait. Alice: What... what? Lisa: I have something. [Lisa gets up and unzips a bag. He reaches in, and pulls out a dildo.] Alice: (chuckling) You're kidding, right? [Lisa runs the dildo up Alice's chest.] Lisa: Why would I be kidding? Alice: Well... because... you're a man. Y'know? You got the real thing. [Alice kisses Lisa. He breaks the kiss.] Lisa: That's not - that's not how I want to make love to you. Alice: That's how I want you to, okay? [Alice rolls Lisa onto his back.] Lisa: But it goes against who I am. Alice: Listen. You're a man. You're a man named Lisa, but you're definitely a man. [Alice kisses Lisa, then starts kissing down his chest.] Lisa: I'm a lesbian... man... [Alice pulls Lisa's shorts down. Lisa moans.] INT. - THE BRIDGE OF THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [Music blasts - Kia Kadiri's "Hands Up". Tina sits in a chair, watching all the partygoers through the windscreen. Dana is dancing like there's no tomorrow. Bette brings Tina a cup of something to drink.] Tina: Dana's really gettin' down with her bad self. [Bette and Tina check Dana out.] Bette: Yeah, and I bet her bad self's gonna feel real bad in the morning. [Dana is dancing the night away, having a great time. She winks at Bette and Tina and continues dancing.] Bette: How are you holding up? Tina: Mm, not so good. I'm on the 12-step program for people who are addicted to domesticity. [Bette laughs. She takes Tina's cup and sets it down. Outside, Dana is still dancing like crazy.] EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [Bette and Tina slip out the side door and look around to see that no one has spotted them. They head off the boat.] ELSEWHERE ON THE BOAT - [Alice and Lisa step out of their room. Lisa leans against a door, regaining his composure. He looks a little green around the gills.] Alice: (smiling) Oh, my god. [Alice tries to kiss Lisa, but he pulls back.] Alice: What? What's the matter? What? [Lisa opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.] Alice: I - no, no, no. No, don't do this. What - [Lisa suddenly turns and walks off.] Alice: What... but you... you had a good time! EXT. - THE DOCKS - NEXT TO THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [Bette and Tina are going home. Bette draws her pink scarf over their heads.] Bette: Here. Quick. Slip under my cloak of boringness. No one will even notice we're gone. EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [Luz Casal's "Un A o de Amor" plays - the same song from the beginning of the episode. Jenny and Marina dance slowly, looking into each other's eyes, touching and kissing each other.] INT. - SOMEWHERE IN THE SEA MAN - NIGHT [Shane snorts something off the chest of a girl, then kisses her. She breaks the kiss after a few seconds to rub at her nose.] EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - LATER - NIGHT [Shane comes down the steps to the lower deck, where Alice is holding Dana's hair as Dana throws up over the boat railing.] Alice: (to Dana) Hang in there. I got you. Shane: (to Dana) Awww. Baby, let it out, let it go. [Dana hurls. Alice has to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. Shane grimaces and looks at Alice. They giggle.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT [Bette is in her robe. She carries a up of something toward the bedroom.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Bette walks quietly into the bedroom. Tina is in bed, snoozing.] Bette: Here's your hot milk and honey, if you still want it. [Bette sits down next to Tina. Tina smiles at her and takes her hand.] Tina: I love you. Bette: Love you too. [Bette leans down and kisses Tina's forehead.] Tina: And I think that you're the most exciting woman in all of Los Angeles. [Tina rolls over and closes her eyes. Bette looks down, obviously distraught over something.] Tina: Mm. Baby, will you turn off the light? [Bette, deep in thought, looks down at Tina's hand holding hers.] EXT. - ON DECK OF THE SEA MAN - MORNING [Dana and Alice are curled up together under a blanket. Shane stands nearby, staring out at the water, having a cigarette.] Alice: Hey you guys, where are Bette and Tina? Alice: (a beat) Boring. Dana: Yeah. So boring. Shane: (thoughtfully) I don't know. (a beat) You know, I've been thinking about it. What's more boring, right? (to Alice) You can make endless lists. (to Dana) You can bawl your head off, and puke over the side of the boat. (looks out at water) Or you get to go home. You get to sleep with the same person you've been in love with for 7 years. [Shane tosses her cigarette over the railing.] Shane: I don't know. [Shane suddenly climbs up on the railing.] Alice: Hey. Dana: Shane... [Shane steps onto the railing, looking down into the water.] Alice: Hey, hey, hey. Shane. Dana: Shane, please. Down. Alice: Down. [Shane wavers and falters a bit, as she balances herself on the boat railing. She turns around, smiling.] Alice: You're freaking me out, get down! EXT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Another shot of the big home, showing a rooftop deck and a footbridge.] INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY [Marina and Jenny are in bed. Marina is on her stomach, sleeping. Jenny sits up on her elbow, watching her. Tim's wedding band is around her neck, on a string.] [After a moment, Jenny kisses Marina on the neck and Marina wakes. Jenny kisses down Marina's back. Marina quietly sighs with pleasure.] INT. - DANA'S HOUSE - DAY [Someone's knocking at the front door. Dana suddenly comes flying downstairs in her pajamas, and smacks into the wall.] Dana: Oof! [A knock at the door.] Dana: (quietly) Okay, I'm coming. (groans) [Dana wearily stumbles to the front door and opens it. It's Conrad.] Conrad: Wakey, wakey! Jesus f*cking Christ, what happened to you? Dana: I got food poisoning. [Conrad fans the air in front of Dana as he walks in.] Conrad: Oh God! Yeah, tell what's-her-name to do you sober the night before a photo shoot. [Dana closes the door.] Conrad: Is she up there? Dana: (groggy) No, she - uh... I'll go get ready. [Dana goes upstairs.] Conrad: Yeah, make yourself presentable. Makeup artists will do the rest. [Conrad grabs a newspaper and sits down.] Conrad: They work wonders, professional makeup people. Remember Gia? EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY [Sounds of the neighborhood can be heard - kids playing, lawnmowers running, the distant hum of traffic.] [Harrison is helping Bette through her workout. Bette carries weights and stretches her legs as she walks around the pool. Kit comes outside from the house.] Harrison: Twenty... c'mon, 5 more, don't give up. How are you ever gonna get those buns of steel? Bette: I don't want buns of steel. Kit: Shoot, I'll take 'em. As long as I don't have to strap on that torture treatment. Harrison: (to Kit) (smiling) You know these girls liked their strap-ons. Bette: Shut up, Harrison! Kit: Oh no, you didn't say that! [Bette does one more stretch.] Harrison: And... done. Come on, let's stretch. [Bette sets her weights down and sits on a mat.] Bette: (sighs) (to Kit) What's up? Kit: I was wondering - what are you doing tonight? Bette: A lot of paperwork. Why? Kit: (sighs) David called me the other day. [Bette stops and looks at Kit.] Harrison: Okay. So I'll leave you guys to it. Um... same time tomorrow? [Harrison gets up.] Bette: Yeah. [Harrison high-fives Bette.] Harrison: Good job. Bette: Thanks. Harrison: (to Kit) Bye. [Harrison leaves. Bette continues with her stretches.] Kit: (to Bette, re: David) Did you know he was gonna call me? Bette: Dad said he might. Don't be angry with me. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get your hopes up in case he didn't - Kit: But that's bullshit. This whole charade about him calling me because Melvin says it's alright? Y'know, it - it - it - it's bullshit! Bette: I'm sorry you feel that way. Kit: (huffs) I... I told him I would meet him tonight at 6 at his hotel. I'm so scared. [Bette looks at Kit.] Kit: Would you come with me? [Bette looks down, sighs, then looks back at Kit.] Bette: I'll pick you up at 5:30. [Kit smiles, grateful.] INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY [Marina and Jenny are in bed.] Marina: What are you thinking? [Jenny kisses Marina. Marina chuckles.] Jenny: (whispering) I'm thinking that I'm very happy. Marina: You are? Jenny: (whispering) Yeah. And I can't believe that I'm so happy, while Tim hurts so much. Marina: (whispering) Well, you deserve to be happy. Jenny: (whispering) You know, I have my, um, journals and my computer... at Tim's. And I was wondering if I could bring them here 'cause they wouldn't take up a lot of space. Marina: You wanna bring them here? (chuckles) Jenny: (whispering) Yes. No, I'm not saying that I wanna move in with you, and it would be just for a couple of days, but I feel like I should be writing right now. Marina: I would feel honored. Jenny: I think I could - Marina: You should move here. [Jenny stares at Marina.] Marina: No - (laughs) Jenny: Really? (laughing) 'Cause it's beautiful the way your - the light is coming in through the windows and... I feel very inspired. Marina: You do? Jenny: I do. Marina: Yes, you could, um... you could write on the desk... Jenny: Yes. Marina: ... and looking over at the canals, Jenny: Yes. [Jenny kisses Marina's chin.] Marina: And, uh (clears throat), you could write great works of literature that would go down history. Jenny: (nods) Yes. Marina: (whispering) Don't you wish there was a parallel universe? Jenny: Parallel universe? Marina: Yeah. Where we could live out this... fantasy. Jenny: Oh... Y'know, it wouldn't be for more than a week. 'Cause I... can't stay at Tim's anymore, and it would just be until - I, um... I guess I have to find - Marina: I would love to. [Marina kisses Jenny.] Marina: I would love to. [Jenny kisses Marina.] Jenny: You would love to? [They kiss again. Jenny pets Marina's hair.] Marina: Mm, yes. Yes. But Francesca's coming back tomorrow. Jenny: Francesca? Marina: Yeah. She was, uh, in Rome, doing a ballet, and then 4 months in Budapest. And then... oh, doing a movie. [Marina smiles. Jenny stops.] Jenny: Who is Francesca? Marina: Francesca. You know, I told you. Everybody knows. Jenny: No. (a beat) I don't know.

Jenny is hurt when Tim rejects her and rudely tells her to move out. Jenny then tries to live with Marina, who eventually tells Jenny that she has another lover living in Italy. Bette and Tina struggle with their fears of parenthood. Meanwhile, Dana's fears about being outed by her endorsement contract with Subaru destroy her relationship with Lara. Shane throws a party aboard Harry's boat with all her friends in attendance. Alice, fed up with women, tries a relationship with Lisa, which does not turn out as expected. Kit is stung when her estranged son, David Waters, doesn't show up for their meeting because he thinks she's fallen off the wagon again.

fd_The_Office_06x23

fd_The_Office_06x23_0

Michael: Buenos dias, Erin. Erin: Buenos dias, Miguel. [phone rings] Hello, Dunder-Mifflin. Michael: No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I believe that every man, woman, and child in this country should learn how to speak Spanish. They are our neighbors to the South, and this would be a healing thing for... for all of North America. And... I am going on vacation next week to Cancun. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Buenos dias, Jaime. Jim: Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa? Michael: Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight! Dwight: Guten tag, Herr Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: La telefona. Oscar: El telefono. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Michael's having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender. And, um... [holds up two blurred-out drawings of male and female genitalia] I should have been more specific. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Your office is full of genitalia. Michael: [clears throat] Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el! Oscar: "That's what he says?" Michael: Damn it. [knock on door] Ah, Angelo. Angela: Angela. [Michael sticks post-it on Angela's forehead with female genitalia] Michael. Michael: Yo soy Cancun. Angela: [removes post-it, leaves] Uhh! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: All right, so I'll finish up on bulk pricing, and then you go into delivery guarantee. Pam: You know, maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there, like, um... like, [vaudeville delivery] "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee." Jim: Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that. Michael: Can you smell the power of the Halperts? Power couple. Dwight: You know what? I should be getting this client, Michael. My numbers are better than either of theirs. Michael: I went with the people I thought would put the best face on the company. Dwight: If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably never cut the face off of anything in their lives? Jim: [whispers] That's a good point. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: This is our first joint sales pitch. I think we're gonna work really well together. Jim: Yeah I think we have complimentary strengths. We understand each other. Pam: We have good give and take. [vaudeville delivery] I give, he takes. Jim: [whispering] I don't even know who you are anymore. Pam: [vaudeville delivery] Yee. [SCENE_BREAK] Donna: Hi, uh, Donna Newton, here to see Michael Scott. Jim: Oh, hey, Miss Newton. Hi, I'm Jim. Donna: Hi! Jim: How are you? Michael: Did somebody order a hooker over here? Donna: [laughing] Oh, stop that. Michael: Hi. How are you? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There's this woman I met a few weeks ago. Her name is Donna, the manager of Sid & Dexter's and, right now, we're in the midst of a passionate love affair. Um, no. But she is coming by today. Maybe to buy some printers, so... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today. Donna: You look exactly alike. Pam: Oh, no we're actually married. We're not brother and sister. Donna: I have a sense about these things. Jim: All right. Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back. Angela: I knew it. You should see their baby. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [explaining PowerPoint to Donna] So, yes, laser printers are more expensive. But they cost less to operate [knocking] So it's a tradeoff. Michael: [barges in] Hi. Jim: Hold on one second. Michael: Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Do you, Donna, by any chance shop at Victoria's Secret? Jim: What? Michael: Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me. Jim: None of this is time sensitive. Michael: Uh, yes, uh, the sale is on now through May. Donna: Oh, yeah, thank you. Michael: Okay, I have more of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: You would have weekly conference calls with executives in corporate. A two-week training program at the Yale school of management, obviously you would be high on the list for advancement opportunities. Darryl: Sounds all right. Dwight: What is this? Gabe: Oh, this is "Print in All Colors," Sabre's minority executive training program. Dwight: It doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing. Darryl: I didn't say "a'ight." Dwight: How do I apply? Gabe: You have to be a minority. Dwight: Uh, glasses wearers. Cholera survivors. Geniuses. Non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going? Gabe: Those don't really count. We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities. Dwight: Come here. Come here. Gabe: Hmm? Dwight: Ten seconds ago, this guy was driving a forklift. Okay? Now all off a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking? Gabe: Well... Darryl: I like the sound of this. [looks at Dwight] Maybe one day I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. Wouldn't that be something? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I refer? Hmm... the competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [on phone] This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean, I know what a four feels like. I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to Hell. All right? Thanks for nothing. Dwight: Oh, man. White people, right? Kelly: I don't know if she was white. Dwight: Well, you can kinda tell from the voice. Kelly: Yeah. Dwight: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot, just because of your race. Kelly: Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right. Dwight: I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program. Kelly: Never thought of myself as an executive before. Dwight: I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEO's can you think of? Kelly: I can't think of any CEO's, any race. Dwight: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner. Kelly: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts. Dwight: That's not... she's... okay. Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier, and I want to show you... there we go! [Michael's picture pops up on the PowerPoint screen] Whoa, look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes. Those are Shrek-green eyes. That is me again. I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white. Donna: Mm-hmm. Michael: And that would be a display [image from a catalog of a man wearing only white boxers pops up] of the crisp, gorgeous black. Donna: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's subtle. That's how it works. I show her an image that turns her on. And then she looks at me, then back at me, then back at the image. Soon, she doesn't know what is me, what is the image. She just knows that she's turned on. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before. Donna: Who took the photo? Michael: Ryan. Donna: Oh. [Michael quickly advances PowerPoint show to last slide which is "s*x" in bold white letters on a black background and then exits the show quickly] Michael: And that's it. That's me. That's who I am. Donna: [giggles] Not bad. Michael: Oh, thanks. [softly] You're not bad, either. Donna: Thank you. [Michael tries t kiss Donna, Donna clears throat] Hmm. Michael: Hmm. Donna: Oh my God. [realizing Jim and Pam are looking through the conference room windows] Michael: Jim! Could you come in here for a sec? What was that printer we were looking at? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in his office] You didn't see it, Pam. She was giving me all sorts of signals that she wanted me to make a move. Shortbread? Jim: No. Pam: I'll have one. Jim: Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work. Michael: Oh really, Jim? What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss. Maybe this could be my Pam. Jim: Okay. Well, all that is irrelevant. Pam: Maybe Michael has a point. I mean, if she was really that upset, she wouldn't still be here. [SCENE_BREAK] Donna: Was it professional? No. But I work in the nightlife industry. I get hit on all the time. In my 20's it would have been annoying. In my late 20's, I find it really flattering. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Look, I know that I screwed up in there. I know that I probably messed up your sale. I just want to go in and fix it. Pam: What if I back out and you finish the pitch with Jim? Jim: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: What was that? Pam: Just let him flirt with her. People meet each other all sorts of ways. Jim: Pam, you know he's not gonna get anywhere, and he's gonna blow our sale. Pam: Who cares? [Michael peeking at them through his office window] It's not that huge a sale. Jim: Hey, the Schwab guy told us to treat every sale like it was a huge sale. Pam: Don't act like you understood anything that guy said. [pat's Jim's arm] Good luck, wingman. [salutes] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How as being a minority affected you? Kelly: Well, there's a lot of pressure from my parents to settle down and marry an Indian guy. Dwight: Oh, good, and you resent this because... Kelly: Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. It's so dorky. Dwight: Oh, no, no. That's not dorky. [Dwight wears his phone like that] Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911, hello. Scranton Strangler's in the house. Inside the house. Kelly: Just put it in your pocket. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael and Donna: [indistinct chatter inside conference room] Kevin: [looking it] Look at that. She's totally flirting with him. Phyllis: You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality. Creed: You ever notice you can ooze two things[/b]: sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya. Phyllis: She just crossed her arms together... that's bad. Pam: Maybe she's just pushing her breasts together to make them look bigger. Kevin: [tries it by crossing his arms] Like that? [to Andy] [SCENE_BREAK] Donna: Is this... is this the best you can do right there? Jim: Uh, for that printer, yes. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of flexibility. Donna: Oh. Well, I guess I'm just used to the restaurant business, [removes sweater revealing her revealing top] where, if you're in charge, then you can always get discounts for the people that you like. Jim: Yeah. [chuckles] Michael: So maybe we could find a little wiggle room, right? Jim: What's that? Michael: Maybe wee find some wiggle room? Jim: I don't... I don't think so. Michael: I think we could. [Donna giggles] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost... Michael: Okay, well sometimes... sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes. Oscar: Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money. Michael: Why don't you run them again? Jim: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price? Michael: If she is, it's working. Kevin: Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says "no," then she is not interested. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: She does not like him. Pam: You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together? Jim: 'cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day. Pam: I was after your money. Jim: Well, the joke was on you. Pam: Yes, it was. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [typing] Can you stop micromanaging? I know how to do this. Ryan: Okay... Dwight: Hey... what are you guys doing? Kelly: This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic. Ryan: Tell her everyone in home room thinks she's fat. Kelly: Oh, that is so good. Dwight: You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview. Kelly: Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me. Dwight: Ryan? What does he know? Ryan: It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race? Kelly: Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in. Dwight: "We?" Kelly: When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager. Ryan: And then the two of us are cleanin' house. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable f my own destruction, I 'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So corporate approval of this contract is contingent upon buyer and seller... Donna: Mm-hmm. Michael: Operating blahdy blahdy blah. Boilerplate. Pound of fish. [Donna laughing] Just kidding. Do you like mints? Donna: Yes. Michael: I carry mints with me sometimes. You ever tried those? Donna: Oh, I haven't tried those. No. Michael: They're good [Donna grabs mint] Donna: You want one? Michael: Sure. Donna: It's like cool... "certified cool." I like how they say "certified." Like there's some consortium of... [Michael grabs the mint from Donna's hand with his mouth, Donna pulls her hand away] Michael! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I can't stop myself from kissing her. Kevin: Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day. Andy: Well, why don't you just move the M&M's? Kevin: Well, why don't you shut up! Michael: Okay, guys, guys, guys. Just tell me it's not totally insane to try one more time. Jim: It is totally insane. Oscar: Michael, he's right. You are turning into a stalker. Michael: Okay. What do you think? Kevin: I think it's over, man. Michael: Andy? Andy: Ehh. Michael: Okay, some for, some against. Jim: Nobody's for. Michael: Pam? Pam: Hmm? Mihael: What do you think? Pam: Um... I think it's really, really unlikely. Jim: Okay. Pam: Really unlikely. But I can't say that it's impossible. Jim: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm not saying she's in love with him. But she could have left a while ago. Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boob shirt. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm going with Pam's group. Jim: Wait. Michael: Here we go. Jim: Michael. Michael. Michael: Okay. Jim: Michael. Michael: No, guys, guys, guys. Guys, just... thank you for talking. Wish me luck. Jim: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped, given up, after two rejections? Would have been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it, but that's not... the point. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Kelly is disqualified! Gabe: What? Dwight: You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well... anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America. Gabe: Yeah, but she's not white, though. Dwight: Well, obviously, she is brownish. But come on, I mean, Darryl is far more ethnic. Gabe: Darryl withdrew his application. He said the Yale program interfered with his softball league, you know? He's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I got my whole life to be a minority executive. I only have about a year left in these knees, though. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Kelly is the only applicant. Gabe: Yeah, unless somebody else applies today. Kelly: Namaste. Dwight: Oh, dear God. Okay. Don't make any decisions just yet. Okay? I'll be right back. Kelly: Hello. Gabe: That's very nice. [referring to Kelly's bindi] I never noticed that before. Kelly: Sometimes my bangs cover it. Gabe: Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh... may I ask you what that means? Kelly: I do find that offensive, actually. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We should have your contract done by Thursday. Donna: Oh, great. Great, I will look out for that stuff, then. Michael: Okay. Donna: And, um... you know I just wanted to say it was really... really nice to do business with you. Michael: Yeah it was nice to do business with you, too. Donna: Thank you. Did I... get everything? Michael: I don't know. I think so. Donna: Yeah, I think so. Michael: [whispers] Okay. So... Oh, Donna? Donna: Yeah? Do you need validation? We don't... we don't validate. Donna: No, it's just in the lot, so... Michael: Thank you so much. Donna: You're welcome. [they hug] You're... welcome. Michael: Mmm. [Donna giggles] Donna: Bye. Michael: [follows her out of office] Ahem. So, um... okay, if you have... if there's any other questions that you have... Donna: I don't have, uh, any other questions. [blind clanking as she leans against door to prevent from Michael kissing her] I'm just gonna... make my way down to... Michael: All right. All right. Bye. Donna: Bye-bye! Michael: And have a good elevator ride. Donna: Okay. Michael: Oh, what's that out there? Kevin: Michael, how did it go? [Michael goes in his office and closes door] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company? Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy. Dwight: I wasn't talking to you, pale-face. Erin: I know. I meant I'd be happy for them. Dwight: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management. Stanley: Dwight, I know these programs. "Every color is important because, together, we make a rainbow." Dwight: Yes. Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow. Erin: Mm! Dwight: Speaking of rainbows, Oscar... you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective. Oscar: Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not gonna cross her. No matter how good the program is. Dwight: I can protect you from Kelly. [Erin stifles laugh] Will you get out of here? Seriously. [Erin turns and leaves kitchen] [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: For hobbies, um, yoga, belly dancing, snake charming. Beds of nails. I like lying on them. Dwight: Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is Hide Toshi Hasagawa. He would like to apply for the Sabre minority executive training program "print in all colors" initiative. Kelly: Dwight[/b]: What are you doing? Dwight: Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour. Kelly: God, I hate you so much! [gets up, leaves] Dwight: Caucasians, am I right? [to Hide] Have a seat. I'll translate. Hide: Why? I don't need translator. Dwight: You don't know what you need. Just... Gabe: Well, uh... why don't you just tell me a little about yourself, Hide. Hide: In Japan, heart surgeon, number one. Steady hand. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Michael. [Michael is sitting on couch outside his office] How you doing? Michael: I don't know. I don't know. Can't really trust my feelings anymore. Pam: You know what, Michael? For what it's worth... I was wrong, too. I thought she was interested in you. Michael: She suckered you too. Pam: Mm-hmm. Michael: Was it the cleavage? Pam: Yeah, and the shoulder cutouts. Michael: Yep. Phyllis: Michael, you know, it's easy to get fooled. Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It... it's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far. Andy: You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uh... I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know, she's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused. Erin: Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home? Michael: God. She left this here? Erin: Yeah. Michael: Okay. Maybe she wants me to return this to her at her work. Jim: What? All: No. Michael: Yeah. This could be a signal. People don't just take barrettes off. Oscar: It's not a signal. It's just a coincidence. No, it's not even a coincidence. It's just something that happened. Pam: Michael... Michael: [hold up barrette] Well... Pam: She doesn't want you to return the barrette. She's not interested in you. Michael: Yeah, I know. I know. Pam: I'm sorry. Michael: I know. You're right. Thank you. Thanks everybody. [waves, returns to his office, clears throat, turns around and runs out of office] Pam: Michael! [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [runs down to parking lot, sighs] Donna: [still in parking lot sitting in her car] Michael! Michael: Oh. You're still here. I have your baguette. [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: Everyone, it is my pleasure to announce our newest member of the Sabre minority executive training program. Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor. [clapping] All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black. That didn't sound right. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [puts a bindi on Erin's forehead] And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that I'm not gonna need anymore. Erin: Oh, my God, thank you so much. I love that denim jumpsuit you have. How much? Kelly: Oh. Actually I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway. Erin: Great. Dwight: Hey, kiddo. Congratulations are in order. You deserve it. [Dwight extends his hand, but Kelly hugs him] Kelly: Thank you, Dwight. Dwight: Oh. Kelly: I'll never forget everything that you've done for me. Dwight: Gosh. He he. Kelly: Because I never forget anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what? Everybody told me that you weren't interested. Everybody. And I didn't believe 'em. And they were right. So... there's your barrette. Donna: No, y-you were... right. Michael: Who? Donna: You were right. Michael: About what? Donna: You were right. [Michael leans into Donna's car to kiss her and they kiss passionately] I'm sorry. Michael: No, no. No. Donna: I'm sor... Michael: No... [they kiss again] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [returns to office] What happened? Erin: Kelly got into the minority training program. Michael: Really?! Oh, that's great. That's such good news. I did it! [all look at him] I kissed. We kissed. Kevin: Ooh. Phyllis: Oh, Michael. Michael: No, I'm serious. It... this happened. I went down to the parking lot and I was... I returned her barrette [holds up barrette] We ki... We did. Okay. We did. We did. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what? It doesn't matter. Because I know it happened. And that is all that counts. [shouts] I did do it!

Pam and Jim work on their first sales pitch together to Donna, the manager of a local restaurant, but Michael keeps misreading the signals she's putting out. Dwight encourages Kelly to try out for the minority training program.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x19

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x19_0

SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop. Henry, surrounded by Emma, Neal, Mary Margaret, David and Mr. Gold, blows out eleven candles on a cake. The adults cheer and clap their hands. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: (leans towards Henry.) And now, my boy, for your present. Pick one object from this shop. Anything you like. Henry: (walks around looking for something, then suddenly stops and points at one of the wands.) That. (takes the wand and waves it around.) Neal: Alright, careful, buddy! Wands are powerful. Henry: (turns to Mr Gold.) So how does it work? Mr. Gold: Here, let me show you. (Henry hands Mr. Gold the wand. Mr. Gold waves it through the air for a moment, and then turns Henry into a statue with a flick of his wrist.) David: Gold, why would you do that!? Mr. Gold: The prophecy. The seer said the boy would be my undoing. So I have no choice: I must be his. (takes his cane and shatters the statue) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mr. Gold's House. Mr. Gold suddenly wakes up and looks around. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. A park. Neal and Henry are sword fighting while Mr. Gold watches on. Regina Mills approaches Mr. Gold. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Seems like we both have been pushed to the side lines. Mr. Gold: What are you doing here? Regina: The real question is what's your son doing with mine? Mr. Gold: Oh that... (turns towards Regina.) That's right, you didn't get the birth announcement, did you? That's Henry's father. Regina: What? Mr.Gold: Do I have to spell it out for you? Miss Swan and my son- Regina: (Interrupting.) You're Henry's grandfather? Mr. Gold: Guess that makes us family! He's got my eyes, don't you think? (walks away from Regina) Regina: You did this! Mr. Gold: Trust me, dearie, it was as much a shock to me as it is to you. Regina: No! You must have known! When I adopted him, it was you who procured him for me. You expect me to believe that that was a coincidence? Mr. Gold: No, not coincidence. Fate. And apparently, fate has a sense of humor. Regina: Fate. So, you're playing the part of the loving grandpa now? They won't accept you, no matter what you do. Not your son, not any of them. Mr. Gold: We'll see. Regina: I've already seen, Gold. I've seen your dark heart and it always wins out. You always choose darkness. Mr. Gold: You think you know me, dearie. But you don't. Regina: I know you well enough. If your own son couldn't bring out the good in you, who will? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Storybrooke General Hospital. Belle's room. Mr. Gold comes in. [SCENE_BREAK] Belle: You're alive. Mr. Gold: Indeed I am. I imagine my last phone call was a bit alarming. Belle: Yeah. Sounded like you were on your deathbed. Mr. Gold: I'm really sorry if I startled you. I know that you have no memory of me. But my feelings for you are real. And I just needed you to know that in case... well in case I died. Belle: I'm glad you're okay. And I could tell your feelings were true. Mr. Gold: You could? Belle: I have a sense about people. I can't explain how, but I... I could just tell. Mr. Gold: So, you believe we know each other? Belle: I believe that whatever caused me to forget myself, means that I have a past, and... that past probably included you. Mr. Gold: It did. Belle: When I, uh... when I was injured... this is gonna sound crazy. I remember you healing me. Mr. Gold: You've been through a lot. Serious injury. All the drugs you've been on since you've been in here. Once you remember who you are, it'll all become clear. Belle: Can you help me do that? Remember who I am? Mr. Gold: Only if you help me remember who I am. Belle: Sorry, what? Mr. Gold: Belle, you always brought out the best in me. And right now I need that. So, yes, I will do everything I can to bring you back, for you and for me. Belle: We can help each other. Mr. Gold: Yeah. Let's talk to someone about getting you out of here. You've been locked up long enough. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. Belle is crying in her cell. Rumplestiltskin comes in. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: When you so eagerly agreed to come and work for me, I assumed you wouldn't miss your family quite so much. Belle: I made my sacrifice for them. Of-of course I miss them, you beast! Rumplestiltskin: Yes, yes, of course. But the crying must stop. Night after night! It's making it very difficult for me to spin. You know, I do my best thinking then. (creates a pillow) Perhaps this'll help? Belle: For me? Rumplestiltskin: Not quite so beastly now, am I? Belle: Thank you. Maybe now I can actually get some sleep. Rumplestiltskin: No, no, no. It's not to help you sleep, dearie. It's to muffle the cries so I can get back to work! (They hear the sound of glass shattering. Rumplestiltskin and Belle find a man who wants to steal a magic wand.) Rumplestiltskin: Are you sure you wanna do this, dearie? Thief: (takes hood off) Pretty sure. Rumplestiltskin: If you don't know how to use that wand, it can do nasty things to you. Thief: Well, then... I'll stick to what I know works. Do you know what this arrow can do to you? Rumplestiltskin: Has to hit me first. (teleports) Thief: Shouldn't be a problem. An arrow fired from this bow always finds its target. Don't you just love magic? (fires the arrow) (Rumplestiltskin teleports, but the arrow hits him) Thief: I know I do. Rumplestiltskin: As do I! (pulls the arrow out of his chest, giggling.) But don't you know? All magic comes with a price! And in your case, that's me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Storybrooke General Hospital. Belle's room. She is preparing to leave. Regina comes in. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Hello. Belle: Hi. Regina: I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Regina. I'm the Mayor of this town. Just wanted to make sure you're okay. Belle: That's, uh, very thorough of you. Thank you, but I-I'm fine. I think I am. M-Mr. Gold's getting me discharged. He believes he can help me remember who I am. Regina: Does he now? (bends down, pretending to pick something up, but she uses magic to summon a matchbook with the logo of the local bar-- The Rabbit Hole.) What's this, dear? Did you drop it? Belle: (takes the matchbook.) Don't think so. Regina: Keep looking, dear. Belle: (stares at the card for a few seconds.) Wait. I know.. I know what this is. I think I remember who I am. Regina: Well, I'm sure Mr. Gold will be thrilled. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Tamara and Greg are looking at a map of Storybrooke. Greg has marked all the places he has witnessed magic. [SCENE_BREAK] Tamara: These are all the places you saw it? Greg: Yeah. This town's lousy with magic. Now you should go. If Neal suspects anything, it's gonna make everything we have to do that much harder. Tamara: Don't worry. He won't. Greg, have you had any luck... finding him? Greg: My dad? No. But he's here. I'm sure of it. Tamara: We will find him. Greg: I know. But one thing at a time. Now, you were able to get the package here, right? Tamara: It's right outside town. Couldn't just drive in with it. Greg: And it's... it's stable? Tamara: Very. I'll bring the package in tonight. Be ready. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. David drives Mary Margaret and Emma. They get out of the car. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Why are we in the middle of nowhere? Why aren't you guys telling me what's going on? Why the secrecy? Mary Margaret: Because you need to see it. Emma: Great. That always goes well for me. Listen, whatever it is, it can wait. August was trying to warn me about something-someone dangerous. David: Doesn't matter. Emma: Why not? Mary Margaret: Because of this. (They enter the cloaked fields of magic beans) Anton: Emma. Emma: Hey. Anton: Are you here to help? It's not quite harvest time yet. Emma: Beans. You're growing magic beans. That's what you were up to when I was in New York? Why didn't you tell me? David: We are telling you. We kept it a secret to protect the crop. Mother Superior, she cloaked the area. That way Anton can do what he does best. Anton: Actually, you haven't seen me play darts. But, yeah, I do this pretty good. Emma: Um, Anton, don't take this the wrong way, but w-why-why are you so... Anton: Small? Cora. She and Regina brought some magic to make me human-sized. Kind of like it. Leroy: Enough lollygagging! Back to it. Anton: Wow. Dwarves really like to work. It's great to see you, Emma. Emma: (to Anton) You too. (to Mary Margaret and David) You want to use the beans to make a portal, to go back to the Enchanted Forest. That's the real reason you didn't tell me. What about Ogres and destruction and danger? David: We can fix all that. We did it before, we can do it again. Mary Margaret: We can start over, Emma. Emma: So, you've changed your mind. You wanna go now, too. Mary Margaret: Not my mind. My heart. After what I did to Cora, I think restoring our land is the best way to mend it. David: It'll be good for all of us, the whole family. Henry and you. Mary Margaret: We're from there. You're from there. Emma: No, this world is.. my home. David: And it's been nothing but cruel to you. If we go back, I think you might be able to have your happy ending. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Storybrooke General Hospital. Belle's room. Mr. Gold comes in, but Belle is gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Nurse! Nurse! There was a patient here suffering from amnesia. Where is she? Nurse: Belle? She should still be here. Mr. Gold: So where is she?! (sees the matchbook with the Rabbit Hole on it.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Rabbit Hole Bar. Mr. Gold enters. [SCENE_BREAK] Bartender: Uh-yes, Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold: Someone I care for has gone missing. Only thing she left behind was a matchbook to this vile joint. Bartender: Vile? Really? Yeah, okay... We could clean it up some. Mr. Gold: I don't understand this. If you knew her, this is the last place she would go for. Bartender: Really not a fan of the Rabbit Hole, are you? Describe her. Mr. Gold: Brown hair, beautiful blue eyes. An accent you wouldn't soon forget. Her name's Belle. Bartender: Belle, are you sure? Cause that sounds an awful lot like Lacey. Mr. Gold: Who the hell is Lacey? (Bartender points to Lacey. Mr. Gold sees a changed Belle, ordering shots and playing pool. He approaches her.) Mr. Gold: Belle? Lacey: Uh, name's Lacey. Mr. Clark: Her name should be "Fast Eddie" cause she's a hustler. She's hustling me. Mr. Gold: Do you-Do you remember me? Lacey: Guy who visited me in hospital. Sure I do. But now I remember who I am, and that's Lacey. Now, if you'll excuse me, you're kinda in my shot. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. Belle is sweeping the floor while the Thief is heard screaming in the background. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: I'm gonna need another apron. Belle: Uh, they're uh... They're on the line drying. It'll be some time. Rumplestiltskin: Fine, fine. Get to cleaning this one as well. (removes bloody apron.) I'll be back later. Belle: All this because he tried to steal a magic wand? Rumplestiltskin: No, because he tried to steal from me. The Dark One. You try that, you get skinned alive. Everyone knows that. Belle: Actually, no, They don't. Rumplestiltskin: Well they will after they discover the body. (giggles and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. Belle enters the dungeon to release a Thief. [SCENE_BREAK] Thief: What? Did he send you to finish the job? Belle: Uh-no, no. Not at all. Here, drink this. I couldn't let this continue, it's inhuman. Thief: I-I couldn't agree more. But I fear now he'll turn his wrath on you. Belle: If he does, I'll stand up to the beast that he is, because no one... no one deserves to be tortured. Thief: Well, he may beg to differ. Belle: Well, I don't care. He doesn't frighten me. Hurry up. He'll be back soon. Hurry. Thief: But he will-he will kill you. Unless-unless you run away with me. Belle: I can't run. I made a deal to serve him, in exchange for him protecting my kingdom and my family from the Ogres. If I were to leave, I might survive, but my family surely won't. Thief: All I can do is wish you luck. Belle: Thank you. Now go. Go. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Storybrooke Town Hall. Mayor's Office. Mr. Gold enters to confront Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: What have you done with Belle? Regina: I'm sorry, do I look like a one-handed pirate with a pistol? You know who shot her. Mr. Gold: Stop playing games! She's gone and now she's someone else. Regina: Oh, you mean she has her memories back? You're welcome. Mr. Gold: Not her memories, her curse memories. Regina: Yeah, from the curse you gave me. You see, all I did was jog things back in place. Mr. Gold: Well, undo it, bring her back. Regina: You know I can't. She crossed the town line. Her old self is gone. These curse memories she has are now real. Lacey's here to stay. Mr. Gold: Any curse can be broken, dearie. Now you are gonna help me... Regina: Or what? You'll kill me? No you won't. Mr. Gold: Oh, won't I? Regina: You're on your best behavior because of your son. You don't want him to know who you really are, now do you? So I suggest you get used to Lacey. Mr. Gold: All right. I'll find a way. Regina: Finding a way isn't the problem, dear. We both know what is. Mr. Gold: Yeah, true love's kiss. Regina: And I don't think our new resident feels the same way about you as you do her. Mr. Gold: Then I'll make her! Regina: There's the charm that should easily woo a lovely young lady. She'll most certainly fall in love with you at first sight. Oh wait, that didn't happen, did it? Mr. Gold: She will, or I promise you, there will be suffering. Regina: Finally something we both can agree on. Good luck, Gold. Oh, and... Give my best to Lacey. [SCENE_BREAK] Ten bowls of chili. No beans. You and the dwarves got something against beans? Oh, let's just say we've had our fill over the past couple weeks. What exactly are you boys up to, anyway? Just a little landscaping. (Dishes clatter in distance) Is this seat taken? You might wanna run along. I need to chat with the prince. It's all right, Leroy. I got this. (Slides stool) What do you want to chat about, Gold? Regina. (Door bells jingle) She, uh, helped jog Belle's memory. That's good, then. No, no. Wrong memories. She now thinks she's a scantily clad barfly named Lacey. She has a false life, as you did under the curse with Kathryn, only hers apparently involves a lot more alcohol. What do you want with me? I want to know how you did it. Even when both your heads were filled with false memories, David Nolan still won Mary Margaret's heart. You want me to help you? Well, I'm certainly not here for the over praised lasagne. (Lowered voice) You got my wife to murder someone. Someone who would have killed all of you. Look, if you don't wanna help, that's fine. But if you do, for the first time ever, I'm gonna owe you a favor. (Exhales) All right. When Regina cursed Mary Margaret and me, there was still a sliver of Snow and Charming. The real us inside. And so how do I bring back the real Belle? Show her the man she fell in love with. (Knife scraping) I'll try not to be too loud. (Clatter) I can't promise the same courtesy from our prisoner. Belle! Where is he? Gone. I let him go. What? He was a thief! Which doesn't give you the right to kill him. It gives me every right! Oh, let me guess. You think he's a hero, stealing from me for some noble cause. You read too many books, dearie! (Whooshes) Maybe that'll stop filling your head with poisonous thoughts! I didn't free him because of what I read in my books. I saw good in him. That man only wanted to escape with his life. Oh, is that what you thought? Our thief escaped with more than his life. You were tricked. You foolish, gullible girl! Th... there must be an explanation. We... we don't know why he needed that wand. He took the wand because he wanted magic! People who steal magic never have good intentions! (Clatter) No. No. You can't tell what's in a person's heart until you truly know them. Oh, we'll see what's in his heart, all right. When I shoot an arrow straight through it. And because I am a showman... (Whoosh) it'll be with his bow. And because this is your fault, you get to come with me and watch, and know as the blood drips from his carcass it'll be you and your rags to wipe it up! (Indistinct conversations, laughter) Another round for the lady. Mm. I've had my eye on you for a while. Mm. (Sets down glass) Thank you. Not my type. Well, you never know unless you give me a chance. [SCENE_BREAK] You might wanna wait outside. Yeah, yeah, bad idea. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ice rattles) Oh! Mr. Gold. You're, uh, you're back. As are you. Well, what can I say? Love the ambiance. [SCENE_BREAK] Mm. What the bloody hell is that? Let's get some "Panama" going on in here. You, uh, you like Van Halen? You're a hagar man, aren't you? Huh? (Taps bar) (Lowered voice) What are you doing? We have nothing in common. That doesn't matter. You just need a way in. Ask her out. Go on. Uh, Lacey? Yeah? Now that you're... back to your old self, perhaps we could spend some time together. Like a date? Yes, a date. Well, you do know that I'm not this Belle that you're always talking about? Yes, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] I've heard about you, you know. People in town, they're afraid of you Mr. Gold. Don't let that deter you. Give me a chance, please. [SCENE_BREAK] Okay. Tonight. Granny's. Not bad, don Juan. Don Juan was nothing before he made his deal with me. Regardless, you got her to go out with you. Congrats. Indeed. Now I just need her to fall in love with me. (Buoy clanking in distance) (Seagulls calling) (Footsteps approach) Reading up on Henry's father? Or maybe his grandfather? How long did you think you can keep that from me? Well, I was going to tell you, but I was kind of busy trying to stop you and your mother from killing me and my entire family. What is he doing here? Neal? Relax. He just wants to spend a little time with his son. Funny, he didn't seem to want to spend time with him the first ten years of his life. But then again, neither did you. You know what, Regina? How about instead of worrying about everyone else, you start focusing on trying to be the person Henry wants you to be before you lose him for good? "For good?" What does that mean? Nothing. Unlike you, the rest of the world isn't always scheming to get what they want. No. You're hiding something. Well, whatever it is, I can assure you of one thing. I'm going to find out. (Chuckles) Are you, uh... are you nervous, Mr. Gold? No, no. Of course not. I'm just, uh, deciding what to have. What the hell happened to you? You raid the back of Ruby's closet? Perhaps Lacey and I could order. Um, two burgers, two iced teas, please. Actually I'm gonna go chicken parm and white wine. And make it the bottle. All righty. Coming up. I've never really been much of a burger girl. Mm. Well, whatever you want, you shall have. You know, you... you're a classy guy, Mr. Gold. This is not what I was expecting from you, given all the... stuff people say about you. Oh, that again. My reputation. What is it you hear? Oh, just that, you know, you're the most powerful man in town, and you got that power from being ruthless. And that when people cross you, they...get hurt. Thank you. (Ice rattles) (Footsteps depart) I am simply a shop owner, and procurer... of difficult-to-find objects. People like to believe the worst in me, but, Lacey, I... I would rather you believe the best. I... I just... I... I just don't get why people are scared of you. You know, I see a man who wouldn't hurt anyone. Thank you, Lacey. I really needed to hear that. Especially now. Well, you know what they say. You can't tell what's in a person's heart until you truly know them. (Ice clatters) (Laughs) Oh. Did I say something wrong? No, no. It... it's just that... I... I knew someone once who said that exact same thing to me. Gosh, I'm so sorry. Your dress... A bit of water will take it right out. Okay. (Laughs) (Wheels rattling) I'm losing track of him. This forest is too thick. Maybe we should return home. What, and let the thief escape? What would people think if I spared the life of someone who stole from me? That there's actually a man hiding behind the beast? There isn't. Then why didn't you kill me when I freed the prisoner? Well, I would have, but, uh, good help these days is really hard to find. I think that you are not as dark as you want people to believe. I think that deep down, there's love in your heart. And for something more than power. You're right. There is something I love. My things! (Horses whinny) You really are as dark as people say. No, darker, dearie. Much darker. (Man) Whoa. Uhh! (Sniffs) (Slurring) What are you doing in my woods? (Rumplestiltskin) Pardon the intrusion, sheriff. Uh, I'm looking for a thief. He attacked me with this bow. Uh, I... I traced him as far as these woods, and then he vanished. Yes, I know exactly who you're after. But I also know who you are, Rumplestiltskin. My reputation precedes me. Excellent. Yes, as does your penchant for making deals. I'll tell you where you can find your thief... if you give me something in return. What do you want? A night with your wench. She's not for sale. (Laughs) You can't part with her for, say, an hour? minutes? Let me think. Um... (Whoosh) (Gagging) (Giggles) I propose a new deal. I give you this back, and in return, you tell me everything you know about the man I am hunting. (Gagging) You ought to be more careful with your possessions. Do you agree to my terms? (Continues gagging) What was that? (Grunts) All right, I'll take that as a "yes" then. (Whoosh) Aah! Aah! (Gasping) Start talking. The thief that you're after... I've been chasing him for years. He ruined me! He stole the woman I love and... made me the laughingstock of all of Nottingham. Where can I find him? Well, the last I heard, he was hiding out in Sherwood Forest. And his name? Robin Hood. He goes by "Robin Hood." (Crickets chirping) You, uh, you know it's still not too late to... to turn back. You know, I am not going to stand by and watch you kill a man. Well, you're welcome to sit if you like, but you are gonna watch. That's the whole point of our little expedition, remember? To see what your actions wrought. Found him. Look, he's... (Wheels rolling, horses whinny) he's waiting for someone. (Woman coughing) (Belle) That woman. (Coughing) That must be the one he stole from the sheriff. She's sick. She's going to die. Yeah, and so is he. Stop! (Continues coughing) (Tinkling) I'm right about him, about why he stole the wand. He did it so he could heal the woman he loves. He's still a thief. And she would have died if he hadn't stolen your wand. And now he gets to die! And she can tell all of Sherwood Forest what happens when you cross Rumplestiltskin. There! Uhh! (Grunting) That should give you a good view. (Panting) You don't have to do this. There's good in you. I was right about the thief, and I am right about you. Look, she's pregnant. You are not the kind of man to leave a child fatherless. (Exhales) No! (Whoosh) We've been found. Marian, we must go. What happened? I missed. (Whoosh) (Horse whinnies) Get back to the carriage. I'm bored of this forest. You're... you're not going after him? He's not worth the effort. You spared his life. What? I did nothing of the sort. That bow has magic in it. It never misses its target. Well, perhaps the magic just simply wore... off. Aren't you coming? (Kissing sounds) (Moaning) Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?! Wait, you two are here together? Yes, we are. I... I'm sorry. I... I... I didn't know. Go! Now! Are you... are you all right? Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. Let's get you inside. No! Look, I said I'm fine, okay? I'm... Whoa, whoa, whoa. You came out here because you wanted to be with him? Yeah. But I don't understand. Our date... I thought it was... it was going well. No. No, it... it wasn't. What? It never was. The only reason I agreed to go out with you was because I was trying to be nice. But that's not me. That's... that's you. But that's what you liked about me... the nice part of me, the... the good part. This is still about Belle, isn't it? Look, Mr. Gold, I'm sorry. She may have loved you. But I am not her. No, you're not. (Men laughing) (Leroy) Sure you don't wanna grab some grub with us? Tiny's buyin'. I am? New guy always buys. You guys go ahead. We're gonna... we're gonna head on home. See you tomorrow! (Engine starts) (Anton) But I don't have any money. No, really. I don't even know what you guys... (Continues indistinctly) (Tires squeal) (Whoosh) (Dog barking in distance) (Panting) M... mister... Mr. Gold, I'm... I'm so sorry about what happened back there. I... I... I didn't know that you two were still together. We're not. Oh. (Laughs) Oh, so we're good then, right? (Laughs) There's no hard feelings? (Sniffs) You know, I have tried so hard to be on my best behavior. But I guess there's no point now. (Whoosh) (Gagging) (Whoosh) Uhh! (Thud) Looks like you won't be needing that bow anymore. Actually, I think I'll hold onto it. You never know. Could come in handy someday. Well, uh, if you don't need me for anything else, good night, Rumplestiltskin. No, wait. There is something else. Temper your excitement, dearie. This is merely another room for you to clean. It's... it's beautiful. There's more books in here than I could read in a lifetime. Well, I hope you can clean faster than you can read. Did you do all this for me? I better not see a single speck of dust gathering on any of these books. What are you smiling at? I'm serious. You're not who I thought you were. And I'm glad. (Grunting) I should have done this to you a long time ago. (Thudding resumes) (Groaning) (Gags and gasps) (Breathing deeply) Lacey. So it is true then, what they say about you. (Moaning) Yes. It's all true. You are... you are not who I thought you were. (Chuckles) And I'm glad. You really are as dark as people say. (Gags) Darker, dearie. Much darker. (Man moans) (Chuckles) (Whacking) (Grunting) (Door creaks) What, did you tranquilize him? I just gave him a couple bourbons. Kid's a real lightweight. Sounds like you guys had a full day. Spent most of it at the park. He's getting pretty good with those wooden swords. I guess that makes sense, considering where his family's from. What? You ever thought about going back? Back where? Home. Where we're from. Uh... I spend most of my life trying to forget that place. I didn't exactly have a fairy-tale childhood. You know what I mean. Why do you ask? No reason. August came by the park today. He and Henry seemed to really hit it off. That is gonna take a while to get used to. You know, I gotta say, he's actually a lot cooler as a kid. Steals less of my money. He'd be way cooler if he could remember what he was trying to warn us about before he got... Rebooted? "Storybrooke isn't safe"? Isn't safe from who? Well, he always had a knack for being cryptic. (Inhales deeply) Don't worry about it. You'll figure it out. If there's one thing I know about you, you don't stop till you find what you're looking for. (Sighs) Hey, beautiful. We all good? Better than good. Now should we unwrap the package? You think he'll cooperate? Wouldn't worry about that. From what I know of him, I don't think he'll need much convincing to help us. What makes you say that? (Clank) Because if there's one person you can always count on to do your dirty work... (Squeaks) (Door thuds) it's a pirate. (Muffled grunt)

Mr. Gold enlists the aid of David to help him try to jog Belle's now cursed memories and get her to love him again; and when it is revealed that the magic beans Anton and the dwarves have been harvesting have begun to grow and could possibly transport everybody home, Emma is torn over whether she would want to live in fairytale land or stay in our world. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Rumplestiltskin forces Belle to accompany him on a hunt to kill a thief, whom she had freed in the name of mercy.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_22x01

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_22x01_0

ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN BY: "PAULA MOORE" (PAULA WOOLSEY) Part One Running time: 44:17 [SCENE_BREAK] DAVID: Let's take a look down here. Look at the state of it. BILL: This is a hoary old one. Talk about neglect. DAVID: Yeah, there can't have been anyone down here for years. There are more bulges than an anti-natal clinic. BILL: What's that? BILL: Hang on a minute. We are under Fleet Street? DAVID: Well, you've got the map. BILL: According to this, there was work done here seven years ago. Three half walls with bolted buttresses. DAVID: We must be in the wrong tunnel. BILL: No, we're not. DAVID: Hang on, I'll check it out. BILL: No, we are in the right tunnel. David? David! David? You all right? David! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Here we go again. DOCTOR: Oh, there you are. Soon put you to rights. DOCTOR: Well, that shouldn't have happened. PERI: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Something I should have done a long time ago. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Repair the chameleon circuit. PERI: What? DOCTOR: The TARDIS, when working properly, is capable of many amazing things, not unlike myself. One of its functions is that it can change shape to blend perfectly with its surrounding environment. PERI: I see. DOCTOR: Not yet, you don't. I wonder why I didn't do it before. PERI: Look, Doctor, do you really think you're up to this? I mean, you've only recently regenerated and yet you've undertaken so much work. PERI: Well, what I really mean to say is, you still seem a little unstable. DOCTOR: Unstable? Unstable? Unstable! This is me, Peri. At this very moment I am as stable as you will ever see me. PERI: Oh dear. DOCTOR: You must forget how I used to be. I'm a Time Lord. A man of science, temperament and passion. PERI: And a very loud voice. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, that too. But not unstable. This is the real me, Peri. But don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: I still think you're doing too much. You need to rest. DOCTOR: Rest? Nonsense. Rest is for the weary, sleep is for the dead. I feel like a hungry man eager for the feast. Now, we've both spent too long in the TARDIS. We need a change. Where would you like to go? PERI: Well DOCTOR: For you, somewhere restful, I think. I'm sure after the bleakness of Jaconda you could do with a sight of green hills, rolling countryside. PERI: Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: I know the very place. PERI: Doctor, what's happening? DOCTOR: Just hold on. PERI: I'm being (something) DOCTOR: Keep hold. [SCENE_BREAK] LYTTON: Here we are, gentlemen. Inside that building is ten million pounds in diamonds. PAYNE: Tasty. GRIFFITHS: Very tasty. LYTTON: How long will you need? RUSSELL: About half an hour. LYTTON: I'll send these two back with the car. RUSSELL: There's no need. I'll get a cab. LYTTON: I said, Russell, I'll send the car for you. RUSSELL: Right. LYTTON: Don't look so hurt. We're not going back to the flat. We're doing the job today. GRIFFITHS: That's all of a sudden, isn't it? LYTTON: You had something else planned? GRIFFITHS: No, it's just that I was expecting a bit more notice. LYTTON: We go today, without fail. RUSSELL: What if I can't get the explosives? LYTTON: You assured me there's be no slip-ups. RUSSELL: Yeah. But seven kilos of plastic at such short notice? LYTTON: I hope you're not telling me that there'll be problems, Russell, because if you are, I shall be very angry. RUSSELL: Don't worry, I'll get the stuff. LYTTON: Good. PAYNE: I don't think he likes us very much, Mister Lytton. LYTTON: If he lets me down, he'll have reason not to. You, Payne, will kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] RUSSELL: Job's today. Well, I don't know. He's playing everything so close. There's seven kilos of plastic. Look, don't argue, just have the stuff ready. I'm on my way in. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I must have crossed a wire. PERI: Well, I hope you never do anything more serious. I think my heart is where my liver should be. DOCTOR: Really? At least the TARDIS isn't damaged. PERI: Big deal. DOCTOR: Be grateful. If its shell had been punctured, you'd find it very difficult to breath in a vacuum. PERI: I'm grateful. I'm grateful. Just tell me where we are, if you can. DOCTOR: O child of little faith. PERI: Do you blame me? PERI: What's that? DOCTOR: Comet nine oblique one two oblique four four. To you, Halley's comet. PERI: It's very pretty, but it still doesn't tell me where we are. DOCTOR: In your sun's solar system, in the year that you would calculate as 1985. I was, in fact, taking you to Earth. PERI: Bit of an anticlimax after that journey. DOCTOR: Ungrateful wretch. PERI: Well, what do you expect, applause? DOCTOR: A little gratitude wouldn't irretrievably damage my ego. PERI: Come off it, Doctor. No one is more surprised than you that we came through it. [SCENE_BREAK] GRIFFITHS: What's this then? I thought we were doing a diamond job. LYTTON: For once, Griffiths, you're right. GRIFFITHS: Then what are we doing here? LYTTON: It may come as a great disappointment to you, but I don't intend to enter the bank guns blazing and my face covered in a nylon stocking. PAYNE: He's allergic to nylon. GRIFFITHS: No, I'm not. LYTTON: We go in via the sewers. PAYNE: Crafty. GRIFFITHS: Down there? LYTTON: The way is prepared. All we have to do is remove a few bricks and we're in the sewer itself. GRIFFITHS: That's good, but how do we get at the diamonds? LYTTON: Why do you think Russell has gone for explosives? GRIFFITHS: You must be joking. Set that lot off, you'll have the old bill down on us. LYTTON: The vibrations will set off every alarm in the area. The police won't know where to start. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There, that should do it. PERI: No more death-defying rides? DOCTOR: Absolutely not. DOCTOR: Well, hopefully not. PERI: Don't you think we should land? DOCTOR: Not at all. I have perfect rapport with this machine. PERI: I only hope the TARDIS knows it. Look, Doctor, out there are thousands, millions of tons of ice. One ill-considered move could cause us to collide with it. I'm scared, Doctor. You don't seem to understand that. DOCTOR: Of course I do. But you have nothing to fear, I promise you. PERI: I hope not. It's rather ironic. On Earth, Halley's comet is always associated with impending disaster. DOCTOR: That's nonsense. PERI: Not when you're this close, it isn't. [SCENE_BREAK] PAYNE: Lose the motor. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Does that noise have anything to do with you? DOCTOR: No. It's a distress signal. PERI: How do you know? DOCTOR: Doh. Listen. That is an intergalactic distress call. PERI: Where's it coming from? DOCTOR: Can't be far, the signal is very strong. PERI: What's all that other noise? DOCTOR: I'm not certain. Strange. It's coming from Earth. In 1985? PERI: That's not possible. DOCTOR: Possible it is. Desirable it isn't. I think when we arrive, we should investigate. [SCENE_BREAK] RUSSELL: Excessive. LYTTON: Insurance. RUSSELL: Start shooting that thing off, the police'll be calling out the SAS. GRIFFITHS: He's right. That thing, it's obscene. LYTTON: Armed robbery is armed robbery. RUSSELL: How many of those things are we taking? LYTTON: Just the one. RUSSELL: It's one too many. LYTTON: What about you, Payne? PAYNE: Oh, I'm with you, Mister Lytton. GRIFFITHS: I'm with you, Mister Lytton. You're with anything that gets you money. LYTTON: Certainly there's dissent, and you, Russell, are at the centre of it. RUSSELL: I don't like guns, and I don't like all this secrecy. We're supposed to be on a job, but we don't know what we're doing. LYTTON: You are new to this group and have yet to gain my confidence, that's why I tell you nothing. These two are muscleheads and wouldn't understand what I said anyway. GRIFFITHS: You've got a rough tongue, Mister Lytton. LYTTON: Which you will learn to live with, Griffiths, otherwise you're out. And as your earnings have never been better, that would be rather foolish, wouldn't it? Let's go. Come on, Payne, there's work to be done. PAYNE: Right. PAYNE: Oh. Hey, how thick is the sewer wall? LYTTON: Oh, nothing you can't handle. PAYNE: I used to use one of these when I worked for the council. LYTTON: This time it's for swinging, not leaning on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: This looks familiar. PERI: Where are we? DOCTOR: Scrap yard. PERI: I didn't mean that. I meant, whereabouts on Earth are we? DOCTOR: London. PERI: It didn't change. DOCTOR: Hmm? PERI: I thought you said it was going to blend into its surroundings. DOCTOR: Oh, she's probably thinking about it. Come on, let's find out where those signals are coming from. PERI: Oh, neat, Doctor. DOCTOR: Neat? PERI: Very neat. I mean, there's nothing at all incongruous about that. DOCTOR: Well, she hasn't done it for a long time. She's out of practice. PERI: Of course, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] PAYNE: Hey, what about the ladder? LYTTON: Leave it. GRIFFITHS: How far do we have to go? LYTTON: About a mile. GRIFFITH: A mile in these boots? PAYNE: Ah, you. Not allergic to walking as well, are you? LYTTON: Move. GRIFFITHS: The boots don't fit me. And it smells. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I suddenly feel conspicuous. PERI: I'm not surprised in that coat. DOCTOR: It's more a question of having organised a surprise party and forgotten who it's for. PERI: Look, Doctor, since you regenerated, it's as though your memory's been put through the meat grinder. I mean, it's all there, but in a pile of unrelated bits and pieces. DOCTOR: That's a horrible simile. PERI: It's true, though. In the past couple of days you've called me Tegan, Zoe, Susan. On one occasion you even referred to me as Jamie. DOCTOR: Merely slips of the tongue. PERI: I rather think they're slips of the mind. And while we're about it, who is this Terrible Zodin? DOCTOR: I called you Zodin, did I? Oh, they don't make villains like her any more. A woman of rare guile and devilish cunning. PERI: Thanks a lot. DOCTOR: Perhaps you're right. My mind may be playing tricks on me. You know, I haven't thought about Zodin for years. PERI: Now where? DOCTOR: That's it. It's unoccupied. PERI: Are you sure this is the right place? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. I'm a fool. Of course I am. That's precisely what I would have done. PERI: What? DOCTOR: Come on. PERI: Oh, what? [SCENE_BREAK] RUSSELL: I don't want to put the wind up you, but I think we're being followed. LYTTON: Are you sure? RUSSELL: Remember that scuffling sound we heard earlier? I heard it again. LYTTON: Payne, if we are being followed, deal with them. PAYNE: Right, check. LYTTON: This way. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Look, Susan. PERI: Peri. Yeah, well, supposing there really are aliens here on Earth. I mean, does it really matter? I mean, they don't all have ten heads and want to take over the world. DOCTOR: Precisely. The poor thing may be trapped here, terrified. If it is, I can do something about it. PERI: That's if you can find the entrance. How do we get in? DOCTOR: I'm not sure. PERI: Well, there still is a way in? DOCTOR: Of course there is. Somewhere. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: What are you searching for? DOCTOR: The source of the distress signal. PERI: I thought you said it was in the house? DOCTOR: It is, but the source of the signal is transmitting from some elsewhere. PERI: I don't understand. DOCTOR: I also detected several weaker signals going into the house. Our alien is being ultra-cautious. He's bouncing the signal off several relay points around London. It could take days to find out where it's coming from. PERI: Giving him plenty of time to move on. DOCTOR: Hmm. You are brilliant, Peri. Absolutely brilliant! If the signal is being relayed to prevent detection, then the house has to be watched. PERI: Otherwise, how would the alien know someone had discovered his main transmitter? DOCTOR: Exactly. Let's find our alien before he has time to vanish. DOCTOR: Almost there. Just got to lock on to his coordinates. PERI: I hope this alien appreciates what we're doing. DOCTOR: I'm sure he will. Probably sitting there all of a dither, waiting for us to arrive. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: This is getting ridiculous. PERI: I'm not saying a word. DOCTOR: I was certain I'd fixed it. PERI: Shush! Are you sure this is the right place? PERI: Doc! PERI: Tor. PERI: Doctor? DOCTOR: Not now, Peri. PERI: Doctor! DOCTOR: Ah, how do you do, Constable? PERI: He's got a gun. DOCTOR: I'm not blind, Peri. You look uncomfortable in that hole. Let me help you out. PERI: Even I couldn't miss from this range. PERI: Never do such a stupid thing again. I could have killed you. DOCTOR: I believe you. PERI: Don't patronise me. DOCTOR: I wouldn't dare. You did very well. I'm impressed. PERI: What happened to the other one? DOCTOR: He's er, having a little lie-down. DOCTOR: There. Key. PERI: I'm assuming these aren't the real police. DOCTOR: I think you are correct in that assumption. Thank you. PERI: But why did they try to kill us? DOCTOR: The bottom of that pit has been dug out. I think it leads to the sewers. Come on. DOCTOR: Come on, Peri. [SCENE_BREAK] RUSSELL: Payne's taking his time. GRIFFITHS: He's got lost. No sense of direction. No sense at all, come to that. RUSSELL: You want me to go back? LYTTON: No, he'll find us once we start making some noise. We've arrived. RUSSELL: Can I see the map? LYTTON: Right, Griffiths. That wall will have to come down. GRIFFITHS: How thick is it? LYTTON: Less than you. GRIFFITHS: That's not very kind, Mister Lytton. RUSSELL: Hang on a minute, this is getting stupid. That wall isn't supposed to be there. LYTTON: The map, Russell, simply isn't pinpoint accurate. RUSSELL: Oh, great. Terrific. I thought you'd recced all this. LYTTON: We're in the right place. RUSSELL: But how do we know that's right? Nothing else is. LYTTON: Unless you want to throw away ten million pounds in diamonds, I suggest one of you starts knocking the wall down. PERI: I only hope this is the right direction. DOCTOR: You saw the signs and scuff marks on the bricks. PERI: They could have been made at any time. DOCTOR: No, they're recent. I have an instinct for these things. PERI: To think this is my first visit to London. DOCTOR: It is an interesting city. PERI: I'm sure it's fascinating. It'd be nice to see the sights like a regular tourist. DOCTOR: Hmm? You'll find this route more memorable. PERI: That I believe. LYTTON: Still no sign of Payne? RUSSELL: Something's happened to him. LYTTON: Hardly. GRIFFITHS: Hey. Someone else want to have a go? RUSSELL: Not particularly. GRIFFITHS: This is hard work. LYTTON: There he is. What's he doing down there? RUSSELL: That's not Payne. It's too big. Shut that racket. GRIFFITHS: What's up? RUSSELL: There's someone in the tunnel. Challenge him. GRIFFITHS: We can still kill him. LYTTON: No. GRIFFITHS: What's the matter, you lost your bottle? GRIFFITHS: What is it? GRIFFITHS: Let him have it! LYTTON: Hold your fire! GRIFFITHS: What's your game, Lytton? LYTTON: Move back. Move back! LYTTON: My name is Lytton, and I am your prisoner, Cybermen. PERI: Doctor, you said it was gunfire. DOCTOR: I heard me. Someone may be hurt. They may need our help. Come along. PERI: Doctor. DOCTOR: His neck's been broken. PERI: Well, what did we hear? This hasn't been fired. We must fetch the police. DOCTOR: One moment. I'm thinking. PERI: Look, Doctor, this isn't some deserted planet in the middle of nowhere. You don't have to play the Lone Ranger. DOCTOR: Hmm? Yes. Yes, you're absolutely right. But first, let's find some hard evidence. PERI: You've got a body here. What more do you want? DOCTOR: That's just the victim. The police will be more interested in the perpetrator of the crime. This way. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: How did you know where to find us? LYTTON: You have a ship hidden on the dark side of the moon. I tracked your transmissions. LEADER: Inform Moonbase our signals are being detected. They must increase the distortion. LYTTON: You're quite safe. Earth authorities can't pick up your signals. It's beyond their technology. CYBERMAN: You were capable. LYTTON: I am not from Earth. LEADER: So you have said. CYBERMAN: But where do you come from? LYTTON: Vita Fifteen, in the star system six nine zero. LEADER: What is the name of your satellite? LYTTON: Riften Five. LEADER: I have heard of that place. It is occupied by a race of warriors. CYBERMAN: Who fight only for money, Leader. He is not to be trusted. LYTTON: Listen to me. CYBERMAN: You will show respect to the Leader. LYTTON: I will do more than that. I will serve him, aid you in your cause. LEADER: If that is true, when you become as we are, you will serve the Cyber race well. LYTTON: Oh, no, as myself. You forget, Leader, I have been tracking your transmissions. I know why you're here. CYBERMAN: He must be destroyed. He says he comes to aid us yet he carries weapons. LYTTON: My gun was used in your cause. I didn't know he was armed. LEADER: You should not have brought others. LYTTON: I brought them as gifts for you to turn into Cybermen. CYBERMAN: He lies, Leader. LEADER: Silence. There is logic in what he says. If he had wished our destruction, he could have betrayed our cause to Earth authorities. LYTTON: Precisely. LEADER: The Cyber Controller can decide their fate. LYTTON: Thank you, Leader. Where will I have the honour of meeting him? LEADER: If you know of our activities, you will know where he is. LYTTON: I assume he is still on the planet Telos. LEADER: He is. [SCENE_BREAK] BATES: Stratton, grab the head! The head! STRATTON: What now? BATES: Run! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Don't do that! PERI: I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were so scared. DOCTOR: I'm not scared. I was thinking. What do you want? PERI: Well, I was thinking too. You know that man we found back there, do you think the alien killed him? And if he did, how do you think it'll respond to us? DOCTOR: With gratitude. After all, I do have the means of getting it off this planet. PERI: I only hope it believes you. DOCTOR: Well, if it doesn't, I shall beat it into submission with my charm. Come along. RUSSELL: Drop it. I said, drop it, unless you want me to open up his throat. RUSSELL: Over there. Now, who are you? DOCTOR: At the moment, suffice to say that this is Peri and I am known as the Doctor. PERI: Hi. RUSSELL: Where did you get this from? DOCTOR: I found it. RUSSELL: Oh yes? I wasn't aware it was lost. DOCTOR: Put another way, its former owner will have no further use for it. RUSSELL: Turn around. Hands on the wall. [SCENE_BREAK] STRATTON: We're safe. BATES: Safe? It was a shambles. STRATTON: We got away. BATES: Two of us. How many times have I got to tell you, it takes three to fly the ship. When are you going to get that fact in your thick head? STRATTON: Now is not the time or place to argue. BATES: Argue? I could kill you! Why didn't you grab the head? STRATTON: I panicked! BATES: Stratton, without that head and the third member, we are as much prisoners on Telos as if we'd stayed in the work party! [SCENE_BREAK] GRIFFITHS: You seem to have sorted them out. Wish I had your presence of mind. LYTTON: Really? GRIFFITHS: How did you know all that stuff you told them? LYTTON: Perhaps it's true. GRIFFITHS: You said you came from Fulham. LYTTON: You know, Griffiths, when I look at you, I often wonder why your ancestors bothered to climb out of the primordial slime. GRIFFITHS: That sounds like another insult, Mister Lytton. [SCENE_BREAK] BATES: I don't believe it. They're working as if nothing had happened. Why didn't any of them try to escape? They know the situation. STRATTON: Maybe they know more than us, or they got more sense. BATES: Sense. Sense! You moron. What do you think we've been doing for the last fortnight? We've been mining the planet with high explosive. When the Cybermen leave they're going to destroy the surface of Telos and us with it. STRATTON: Let's get out of here before they come and get us. BATES: They won't be coming to get us. They know precisely where we're going. Cyber Control. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: Controller. CYBERMAN: Two of the work party have escaped. CONTROLLER: Who are they? CYBERMAN: Stratton and Bates. CONTROLLER: That is to be expected. They will attempt to recapture their ship. CYBERMAN: Shall I instruct the flying vessel on its return to remain in orbit. CONTROLLER: No, it must land. We need the ship here. It will also provide the escapees with an incentive. There will be some scientific value in studying how they attempt to evade their destruction. [SCENE_BREAK] RUSSELL: What's this, then? DOCTOR: A sonic lance. How much longer do we have to maintain this ridiculous posture? We've told you all we know. PERI: Which is more than you have. Who are you? RUSSELL: Police. PERI: Yeah. DOCTOR: Can you prove that? RUSSELL: Put your hands back on the wall. DOCTOR: Peri, gun! DOCTOR: Sorry about that, but we weren't getting very far with me playing patty-cake with the wall. RUSSELL: Who are you? DOCTOR: I've already told you. I am known as the Doctor. I'm also a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. RUSSELL: You're bonkers. DOCTOR: That's debatable, but I'm also telling the truth. The question is, are you? RUSSELL: Yes. DOCTOR: And what are you doing down here? RUSSELL: Robbing a diamond merchants. PERI: I thought the police were supposed to uphold the law? RUSSELL: Oh, they do, most of the time. DOCTOR: You're beginning to annoy me. RUSSELL: The truth wouldn't make much sense to you. DOCTOR: Try me. Oh, I've had enough of this. Shoot him, Peri. PERI: For real? DOCTOR: Yeah, shoot him. RUSSELL: You murder a police officer, you'll get thirty years. DOCTOR: Handful of heartbeats to a Time Lord. PERI: Oh, please tell him what he wants to know. I'm sure it can't be that important. RUSSELL: I'm here to observe the activities of a white male suspect known as Lytton. DOCTOR: Lytton? Tall, lean, dark, dark, well-spoken? The sort of man who might shoot his mother just to keep his trigger finger supple? RUSSELL: It's a more colourful description, but it could be him. DOCTOR: Commander Lytton, late of the Dalek Task Force. RUSSELL: Dalek? DOCTOR: I should have guessed when we were attacked by those uniformed policemen. How'd you get onto him? RUSSELL: What? Oh, there was a raid on an electronics firm. Some rather specialised stuff was removed. PERI: I think we know where it went. RUSSELL: Oh. Well, you'll be pleased to hear there's a reward. DOCTOR: Just get on with your story. RUSSELL: Well, there was a whisper on the street that the job was down to Lytton, only we'd never heard of him. DOCTOR: Just as if he'd come from another planet. RUSSELL: Huh, perhaps he might have. When we checked there was no record of his birth, school, driving licence, tax, nothing. Under normal circumstances we'd have just picked him up. DOCTOR: But you were curious. You wanted to know more about him. An act we may all live to regret. Not only is he from another planet, but he's also a professional killer. There. RUSSELL: Thank you. DOCTOR: Would you mind, Peri? PERI: Where are we going? DOCTOR: Back to the TARDIS. It's a bit overcrowded down here. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: Lytton, my scouts have located three humanoids in the tunnels. GRIFFITHS: Perhaps it's the old bill. They'll soon sort out this fancy dress party. LEADER: What does he say? LYTTON: He implies it could be the police. LEADER: The intruders must be dealt with. CYBERMAN: Yes, Leader. LEADER: This time they must not be damaged. We cannot afford to be wasteful. Our forces must grow in strength. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: Stratton and Bates have been located. CONTROLLER: So soon? Then give the order. [SCENE_BREAK] STRATTON: It's not going to work, is it? Are you planning to take the place by storm? BATES: You want to stay here? STRATTON: I want to know what we're going to do when we get to Cyber Control. BATES: First we have to find another Cyber head. STRATTON: Why is that thing so important to you? BATES: Like you, this planet really depresses me. STRATTON: What is it? BATES: A chance to redeem yourself. You'll be all right. We'll only get one chance. STRATTON: I say! Are you looking for me? STRATTON: Well, hurry up. I haven't got all day. STRATTON: You're mad. Why didn't you let me use the gun on him? BATES: Too risky. You might have damaged it. STRATTON: So? Now you have a trophy. BATES: More than that. Once you've cleaned it out, you can wear it. As prisoner and escort, we might just get into Cyber Control. STRATTON: I will not wear that thing. BATES: You got a better idea? Then get started. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: The escapees have destroyed the Cyber scout. CONTROLLER: That is not possible. CYBERMAN: It is a fact, Controller. CONTROLLER: They are now proving too resourceful. Alert the guard. They must not enter Cyber Control alive. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: These tunnels all look the same to me. DOCTOR: This is the right way. RUSSELL: Which way? DOCTOR: Bear left. What is it? RUSSELL: Look for yourself. PERI: What is it? DOCTOR: A Cyberman. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: Leader, the instruments show time distortion nearby. Shall I instruct the scouts to investigate? LEADER: At once. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: It's still there. RUSSELL: I saw one of these things earlier. They must be all over the place. PERI: What are they? DOCTOR: A particularly unpleasant alien life form. PERI: Oh. RUSSELL: Where are you going? PERI: You want to fight it? DOCTOR: We can at least try. RUSSELL: What can you do with that? DOCTOR: Shake it up a little. PERI: Let's go, Doctor, please. DOCTOR: Wait, watch and learn. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: A Cyber scout has been destroyed. LEADER: The attackers must be found. GRIFFITHS: Getting a bit rough, is it? LEADER: Remain silent or you will die. Transfer the humanoids to our ship and then seal this place. It must not be discovered. You and you will come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: At least we can fight them. PERI: Fight them? We need help. RUSSELL: We need the army. DOCTOR: First, we need a plan. This way. DOCTOR: Quick, up you go. PERI: I'm going, I'm going. DOCTOR: Don't leave the pit till I get there. PERI (OOV.): No, Doctor. DOCTOR: And save your breath for climbing. PERI (OOV.): Yes, Doctor. LYTTON: Sonic lance from Earth? CYBERMAN: An alien? That would make sense of the time distortion, Leader. LYTTON: I can guess who it is. I've been expecting him to return. He calls himself the Doctor. LEADER: Excellent. LYTTON: You know of him? CYBERMAN: He is an enemy of the Cyber race. His capture will serve our term. LEADER: More so the capture of his TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Cybermen? DOCTOR: Come on. RUSSELL: That wasn't here before. [SCENE_BREAK] RUSSELL: How does this thing work? RUSSELL: Sorry. DOCTOR: Careful, there may be others. DOCTOR: Shut the main doors. PERI: Ow! RUSSELL: Peri, look out! PERI: No! RUSSELL: No! PERI: No! LEADER: Destroy her. Destroy her at once. PERI: No!

The Doctor and Peri investigate strange signals, in the process, The Tardis lands at the spot where it all began. I.M. Formemans junk yard on Totters Lane. The Doctor is followed by some odd policemen. After landing, he works on the TARDIS's Chameleon circuit and the TARDIS starts to change shape but seems to have a bit of trouble blending in after such a long time of not working.

fd_Veronica_Mars_03x03

fd_Veronica_Mars_03x03_0

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Veronica sneaks into the secret room at Zeta Theta Beta and discovers the marijuana crop in 302 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week." VERONICA: [offscreen] There's going to be an article in the school newspaper. A regretful Veronica stands at the door of the sorority, before den mother Karen and Marjorie, the cool sorority girl. VERONICA: You need to get rid of the marijuana before it comes out. As they stand by the Saturn, Marjorie pleads with Veronica. MARJORIE: Karen has cancer. This botany professor gave her some seeds. In the library, Veronica picks up a copy of the newspaper article about the marijuana. She is named as the article's "contributor." MARJORIE: [offscreen] She won't just lose her job over this, she'll lose her insurance. Please don't say anything. Fern passes Veronica as she reads the article. FERN: Well done, sister. Veronica is not so pleased with herself. Cut to Nancy at the Take Back the Night rally in 301 "Welcome Wagon." NANCY: How many women like me have to be raped... Parker stands in front of the mirror, horrified by her shaved head and the realisation that she has been raped. Veronica and Mac stare at her and each other in shock. NANCY: [offscreen] ...before this administration listens to our demands? Logan gifts Veronica with a key to his room at the Neptune Grand. VERONICA: Your room key? What if I drop in unexpectedly? LOGAN: You know there's no one else. You ought to know that by now. End previously. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, ATHLETIC COMPLEX - DAY. A football player, wearing shirt number 44, is running up and down the steps in the stands. A coach watches, yelling at him. COACH FRY: Is it too tough, Fenstermacher? Huh? Instead of skipping meetings, why don't you just quit? Focus on your philosophy full-time. You'll read your Plato, drink your espresso, eat all the cheese you want. Come on, you can move it, move it... Veronica is further along in the stands, observing. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Football. The systematic violation of the Geneva Convention made into a sport. I'm surprised the ASPCA doesn't protest. Veronica returns her attention to the newspaper in her hands. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Like these ladies. Veronica is reading a copy of Hearst Free Press. The self-proclaimed "Independent Student Voice of Hearst College Since 1928" is dated Monday, September 18, 2006. On the smaller section, the left-hand column, there are a couple of short pieces under the heading, "Inside Today": "News - Botany Exhibit," "Cadence - Mixer IOI," and "Sports - Stirring Victory." Most of the paper, however, is taken up with a large photograph under the headline "Lilith House Protest Creates Controversy." It shows about fifteen female students baring their breasts in the stands of some event. Black bars cover the actual naked breasts. From the front of the stand, they've hung a banner which reads: "We Go to Hearst. Go Ahead, RAPE US!" The caption under the picture reads: "Asking for it? Members of the feminist rights organization, Lilith House, protested the serial rapes with a flashy presentation at Thursday's game." VERONICA VOICEOVER: We go to Hearst. Go ahead and rape us. LOGAN: [offscreen] Oh, boy. Logan appears at the top of the stands, behind Veronica, looking over her shoulder at the newspaper. He lifts himself up on the rail to get a better look. LOGAN: Nudity. Veronica scoffs. VERONICA: If you have words written on yourself, it's not nudity, it's political speech: taking control of one's body to turn the objectifying male gaze back on its- LOGAN: O... VERONICA: -self... LOGAN: ...kay. No more college for you. Veronica rises to join Logan and they walk up to the top, arm in arm. At the top, two girls are passing by. One of them calls out to Logan, who is by now disentangled from Veronica. CUTE GIRL: So, Logan! See you at the party? LOGAN: Absolutely. CUTE GIRL: Bring your friend, if you want. LOGAN: O...kay. Logan laughs as Veronica takes a good look at the two girls. Veronica and Logan carry on walking. VERONICA: New friends? LOGAN: Yeah, from weightlifting class. VERONICA: Right! The only class you never miss. So what? You guys spot each other doing squat thrusts and stuff? LOGAN: Have group s*x in the showers. VERONICA: Ha! LOGAN: What is this? Jealous? Logan, walking behind her, puts his arms around her waist and grins. He bends down to kiss her neck. VERONICA: Ooh, jealous would involve piano wire. LOGAN: Oh. He lets her go and resumes walking next to her. LOGAN: So what was that? VERONICA: That was mild annoyance at the fact that two gym buddies invite you to a party and you're there already, but whenever I want to do something interesting, you're busy. LOGAN: What do you mean, interesting like some fossil wheezing through a novel, huh? VERONICA: First, Martin Amis isn't a fossil, and second, yes, it's college. We are supposed to expand our horizons past video games and binge drinking. LOGAN: My horizons go slightly beyond that. VERONICA: Great! So, how 'bout tonight we check out the Art Major group show? LOGAN: [sheepishly] I'm busy. Veronica is fed up. LOGAN: No, really. I have a class 'til ten but, uh, you come by afterwards, we could write on ourselves, get real, uh... He pushes back a strand of hair from her face. LOGAN: Political. He smirks. VERONICA: That's what a girl likes to hear. She grips his shoulder and puts on a husky voice. VERONICA: "Darling." Logan laughs. VERONICA: "Do all the weird crap you like, just don't be late for the booty call." Really, how do you think that sounds? Logan strokes her face and moves in closer to her. LOGAN: I think that sounds romantic. VERONICA: You also think weightlifting is an actual class. LOGAN: Mm-hm. VERONICA: Bye. She leans forward and kisses him. VERONICA: Got errands. She turns and walks away under his lingering gaze. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, ATHLETIC COMPLEX, LOCKER ROOM - DAY. The football player trudges wearily to his backpack. He reaches for a bottle of water in one of the pockets, but then freezes. He pulls the bag off the peg and starts pulling stuff out, frantically searching for something. EXT - JUMBO'S CLOWN WASH - DAY. A large sign welcomes drivers to Jumbo's Clown Wash, a car-cleaning operation. Weevil, dressed in overalls with the Jumbo logo on the back, grabs his bag from the side, under the price lists, which include a charge of $139.99 for a complete detailing. The owner comes from around the corner and sees Weevil leaving. CAR WASH BOSS: What are you doing? Weevil turns back to face the man as he approaches. WEEVIL: The guy in the SUV looks like he digs magic so I'm getting my doves. I'm leaving, what do you think? My shift ended half an hour ago, man. CAR WASH BOSS: Not 'til Ray-Ray gets here. WEEVIL: Hey, screw you! I've been washing these- The owner responds angrily to the aggression, putting a finger in Weevil's face. CAR WASH BOSS: Hey! No lip. Work, or it's back to Chino. Weevil snaps. With his right hand, he grabs the man's shirt. He pulls back his left for a punch. A guy working near the confrontation grasps Weevil's left arm to stop him. He holds onto the furious Weevil. BRUNO: Hey! Hey. I hit my boss once. It wasn't quite worth the extra year. All right? Weevil calms down a little, and Bruno goes back to work. Behind them, Weevils notices Veronica's Saturn pull up. WEEVIL: All right. Guess I'll go wash some, uh, spoiled bitch's graduation gift from Daddy, huh? VERONICA: I'm not spoiled... Weevil turns to face Veronica, now leaning against the side of the Saturn. VERONICA: And, uh, technically it wasn't for graduation. WEEVIL: What about the bitch part? VERONICA: Uh, it depends on who you ask. Weevil joins Veronica at the car. VERONICA: How are you, Weevil. I haven't seen you... WEEVIL: Since that awkward "arrested for murder" incident? Yeah, I remember. VERONICA: You plea-bargained down to assault? WEEVIL: And now I'm working at the car wash, which as is turns out is not as fun as the song might sound. Veronica's cell phone rings. VERONICA: Shoot. She takes the phone out of her pocket and answers it. VERONICA: Hello. Weevil glances back at the owner, who is watching him. VERONICA: Sure. Okay. With a thoughtful look, Veronica ends the call. VERONICA: And I'm being called in to see the dean of Hearst College. WEEVIL: Leopard didn't change her spots, I see. Wonder if Hearst knows about your- CAR WASH BOSS: Hey! The owner walks towards them. CAR WASH BOSS: You think I'm paying you to harass the ladies? Screw off again, and you're out on your ass, cholo. You got me? It's too much for Weevil, who is enraged. He turns and lunges at the owner. VERONICA: Weevil, don't! Weevil grabs the man by his collar and swings him around. Using the momentum, he throws the man against a snack dispenser. He presses against the man's throat with his forearm. WEEVIL: I got you. Now, what should I do with you, huh? CAR WASH BOSS: You should let me go. I'd call your parole officer. Weevil swings back his arm and throws a punch, landing it right next to the man's head, breaking the glass on the machine. He walks away, passing Veronica. WEEVIL: I didn't change my spots either. Nice seeing you, V. Veronica sighs. INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Piz bursts through a door into a corridor, talking a mile a minute. A girl follows him, walking quickly down the corridor. PIZ: ...I know, but, look, I don't want to be one of those mumbly college radio emo-rocker guys who just, all they want is to play their band's demo, you know... Piz opens the door for her, striving to keep up with her and with the patter. They enter one of the multiple rooms that form the site of the Hearst College radio station. Music: unidentified. PIZ: Though, um, I-I should mention that-that my band really is quite good and we-we're called Black Licorice, which is really cool... While they disappear through one set of doors, the camera follows through another, into the actual radio studio. Piz and Trish appear at the far end, beyond the glass, in the producer's room. PIZ: 'Cause it's dark and moody but at the same time, it's candy, you know? TRISH: So, you're pitching what exactly? PIZ: A call-in show. Um, you know, political affairs, cultural affairs... The camera switches to the production booth and the music mutes. On the walls of the booth is a poster for Exene Cervenka and the Original Sinners' album Sev7en and a sign: "This Saturday on KRFF!!" PIZ: Whatever affairs. Witty, smart, go crazy. It's like, it's like Jon Stewart meets Crossfire, if Jon Stewart didn't hate Crossfire, and- The door into the production booth suddenly opens. It's Kurt, the football player from the earlier scenes. KURT: Hey, Trish. Kurt holds up his hand to Piz in acknowledgement of interrupting them. KURT: Sorry. Piz employs himself with fiddling with what looks like a stopwatch from off one of the surfaces. Kurt turns worriedly to Trish. KURT: Um, you didn't see a big three-ring binder lying in my room this morning? TRISH: No. What's wrong? VERONICA: No, it's nothing. I'm just dead. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. The dean, Cyrus O'Dell according to the nameplate on his desk, is standing on that desk, poking at the air conditioning vent in the ceiling with the handle of a broom. He pounds on the vent hard, to no avail. End music: unidentified. The door to his office opens. VERONICA: Dean O'Dell? Veronica opens the door fully. She hesitates when he doesn't respond or move from his place on the desk. VERONICA: They...said you wanted to see me? The dean doesn't look at her, continuing to stare at the vent. DEAN O'DELL: We can download pictures from the surface of the moons of Jupiter onto a portable phone, but we can't keep the air conditioner in this office running for more than a week at a time. Veronica nods cautiously and smiles. DEAN O'DELL: Is there some clue about the human predicament buried in that fact? VERONICA: Uh...I'm a freshman. I only recently figured out where Waldo was. DEAN O'DELL: Please sit. The dean takes a step back, preparing to climb off the desk, but the bottom part of the broom knocks a picture off of his desk. DEAN O'DELL: Gah! Veronica rushes forward to rescue the picture as the dean jumps off of his desk. Veronica looks at the picture. It shows a girl flanked by two boys. The boy on the right has Kiss-like make-up on and is wearing a black t-shirt with the word "transplants" on it, over a picture that is obscured by his crossed arms. The other boy is younger, ten to twelve. The girl is holding up her hand, behind the younger boy's head, her fingers in a corna (bull horns). VERONICA: Your kids? The dean takes the picture, a little offended. DEAN O'DELL: My wife, my son from a previous marriage, and my stepson. Veronica sucks in her cheeks at her faux pas as the dean takes the broom and leaves it just outside his office. He shuts the door. DEAN O'DELL: Mrs. O'Dell was my grad student back when you could do things like that. He picks up a copy of the Hearst Free Press from the arm of the couch in his office, then sits on the arm, facing Veronica who is by now sitting on one of the chairs in front of his desk. DEAN O'DELL: So, Miss Mars. It's rare when a freshman makes quite as big a splash here as quickly as you have. Well done. I'm talking about the Free Press article. He holds up the paper. It's the issue with the marijuana story from 302 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week." DEAN O'DELL: The sorority expos . Sharp piece of writing. VERONICA: Thanks. Actually the editor took some liberties- DEAN O'DELL: You wrote that a source told you that the housemother got her pot seeds from a staff member here. I wanna know who said it and who that staffer was. VERONICA: Actually, Dean O'Dell, I think that's covered under- DEAN O'DELL: Protection of sources, yes. A fine thing for The New York Times, but I want that name, so you can tell me, or I'll have you expelled from Hearst College. Dean O'Dell looks at her expectantly. Veronica is speechless. Opening credits. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY. Veronica is at her desk in the library, writing in a ring binder. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I wouldn't give Dean O'Dell my source. He gave me a week to change my mind. Veronica's thoughts are interrupted as an over-excited Piz bangs the bell on the help desk, which she is manning. VERONICA: Piz! What are you doing here? PIZ: Hey, Veronica. Uh, W-Wallace told me worked at the information desk and... VERONICA: You need some information? Okay. Slugs have four noses. That's what I'm offering today. Veronica returns to her books as Piz laughs politely before going on, a little desperate. PIZ: I actually need more like a favour. My future mentor on radio, knock on wood... Piz demonstrates by knocking on the desk and then drops his voice down to a whisper. PIZ: ...has a boyfriend with a problem. I'm trying to impress her. Veronica gazes up at him sceptically. The scene shifts as the camera follows the back of one of the library's bookshelves before revealing Kurt, Trish, and Veronica sitting at one of the library tables. Piz is standing next to one of the chairs, leaning on the table. KURT: Our football playbooks aren't supposed to leave the athletic complex, but I missed a few meetings for a lecture...I needed to catch up, so I had it in my bag. We turn in each week's game plans and new plays on Mondays. If I don't have it, they're going to use it as an excuse to yank my scholarship. VERONICA: So staying on the team is worth five hundred dollars? Which is my fee. Piz leans over the chair and hits Veronica on the arm, offended. PIZ: That's what you charged me. You said it was your friends' rate. VERONICA: It was my friends of friends' rate which have now extended to friends of friends of friends. Kurt holds up his hands, impatient with the bickering. KURT: Fine. I mean, I can't go to the cops, it would just be admitting I lost it...or worse, it was stolen. VERONICA: Stolen, like, by another team? TRISH: Or by someone who wants him off the team. KURT: She's talking about my position coach. I was a big deal coming out of high school, started here as a freshman, but then I tore my ACL end of last season and now I don't see much playing time. As far as Coach is concerned, I'm just a waste of a scholarship. VERONICA: So tell me about that night, every place you could've lost it, every person who could have taken it. KURT: It was in my bag the whole time. I didn't have time to study it. I never unzipped it until today. VERONICA: This bag? Veronica points to the backpack on the table. KURT: Yeah. I mean, I had it all night. FLASHBACK - HEARST COLLEGE, STUDENT UNION - NIGHT. In a glare of yellow/orange lighting, Kurt, with his bag on his shoulder, and Trish meet in a room full of artwork. KURT VOICEOVER: I met Trish and we went to the art show at the Student Union. Trish pulls Kurt over to one of the exhibiting artist-students. KURT VOICEOVER: Her friend Larry had a few...masterpieces on display. Trish a talking to the artist, a blonde bloke. Some others guys can be seen in the background, looking at the pieces on the walls. End flashback. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING. KURT: Then I went back to my room, and my buddy Pop, um, Brian Popovich, stopped by to play Guitar Hero. PIZ: Dude, that game rocks. Kurt laughs and nods. KURT: Yeah, it does. FLASHBACK - HEARST COLLEGE, KURT'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. Music: the guitar riff from "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple. Kurt's bag is on the floor. Under a poster that finishes "Pigskin - Eat It Raw," the video game Guitar Hero is on the large TV screen. In front of the TV, Kurt and Pop are playing, or pretending to play their guitars in true rock fashion. KURT VOICEOVER: Pop's my best friend from the team. Pop jumps up on the bed, continuing to posture. KURT VOICEOVER: I was there the rest of the night. The only other people I saw were these cheerleaders who dropped by. Two girls walk in, giggling and carrying a large bucket of popcorn. KURT VOICEOVER: They brought popcorn for Pop. End flashback. End music: "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING. KURT: Cheerleaders are clever that way. Veronica smiles passively. KURT: Yeah, I have no idea where it went, but if I lose that scholarship- Trish puts comforting hands on his arm. TRISH: Kurt. We'll figure out another way. I've got the whole Pell Grant thing worked out, and your grades are great. KURT: Maybe I don't want to get thrown off the team. You know, love of the game and all that. Kurt returns his attention to Veronica. KURT: I need that book. VERONICA: Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Maybe it's easier to just get a new playbook for you to turn in. This hasn't occurred to Kurt. Veronica smiles. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - NIGHT. As Veronica heads towards a fountain, she is joined by Dick, carrying a large can of beer in a paper bag. DICK: Veronica Mars, modern college girl on the go. VERONICA: Dick Casablancas, Neolithic college boy on the sauce. They continue walking side by side, around the fountain. DICK: Okay. Not sure what Neolithic is, but, hey, I'm in college. Maybe someone will teach me. VERONICA: Actually, don't you have a class now? Intro Econ with Logan, right? DICK: It was a walk. VERONICA: A what? DICK: If the prof doesn't show within five minutes, you're free to leave. It's a college rule. Look it up. Veronica takes her cell phone out of her back pocket and checks it. VERONICA: No messages. Where's Logan? DICK: Nailing other chicks. Dick spins away from her and goes on his way as Veronica stares after him, mouth open. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith is sitting at the kitchen counter, juggling trying to eat with a massive amount of paperwork. Veronica comes in from her bedroom. VERONICA: Wow. You look busy. She opens the refrigerator door and gets out a bottle of water. VERONICA: Probably tough with me around less. All that stuff piling up. KEITH: [distracted] Somewhat, yes. Veronica dishes herself up some dinner from the saucepan on the stove. VERONICA: I bet you'd be pretty psyched if I found someone who could help. She joins him at the counter. KEITH: The level of psyche would depend on the someone. VERONICA: Eli Navarro. Remember? Keith grimaces. KEITH: You mean Weevil? Oh, Veronica, please. VERONICA: Dad, I'm serious. KEITH: Oh, I don't know. All those times I arrested him, he never struck me as great secretary material. Didn't he get busted for murder? VERONICA: Assault. KEITH: See? So he's not even a very good murderer. No way, Veronica. VERONICA: You know how parole works. If he's not employed by his next meeting, he goes back to jail. KEITH: I'm not running a charity, honey. VERONICA: Don't make me do the stare. Keith stares at her placidly. Veronica puts down her fork and sighs. She interlaces her hands in front of her, drops her head, and takes a deep breath, as if preparing for some great athletic endeavour. She then rests her chin on her fingers and stares at Keith with puppy-dog eyes. Keith watches all this with interest, sighs and crosses his arms, determination to outlast her etched on his face. A phone rings. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Weevil, in a checked shirt and tie, picks up the phone on Veronica's desk. WEEVIL: Hello? He listens for a moment. WEEVIL: Yeah, that's us. He listens again. WEEVIL: Hold on. Weevil holds the phone away from his ear, pulling it against his chest. WEEVIL: Hey! Are you here? Keith is in the middle of the room, watching Weevil. KEITH: [whispering] Who is it? Weevil brings the phone back to his ear. WEEVIL: [abruptly] Who's this? Keith cringes a little. WEEVIL: Margaret Federbush? Weevil gets the name right to pass to Keith with a flourish. WEEVIL: Marguerite Federbush. KEITH: [hoarsely] Just take a message. Weevil returns to the phone. WEEVIL: I gotta take a message. All right. Weevil puts the phone down as Keith gets something from one of the filing cabinets. WEEVIL: She'll call back. It's... Weevil gestures with his hand in the air that it's okay. He sits down at the desk. Keith slams shut the drawer and walks over to Weevil. Keith has a file in one hand and a camera in the other. He slaps the file on the desk, in front of Weevil. KEITH: Shoe warehouse, out east of Grange. Stock's been disappearing. Manager thinks that one of the security guys might be embezzling. Delivery's coming in this afternoon, so you're going to stake the place out tonight. He holds out the camera. KEITH: You familiar with these things? WEEVIL: Yeah, toasters, right. Keith just stares down at him. Weevil grins and rises to take it. WEEVIL: Yeah, yeah. KEITH: So the money shot we want is the security guy loading shoes in the middle of the night. You got it? WEEVIL: I got it. Weevil's confident, but Keith doesn't look nearly so convinced. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, ATHLETIC COMPLEX - DAY. Veronica is dressed as an athlete, number 27. She's limping her way up a long corridor leading away from the opening to the stadium. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It turns out getting a new playbook isn't as simple as running off a new copy. According to Kurt, they're printed out on Athletic Department stationery with an ID number that changes from week to week, and player to player. One football player-type runs past Veronica. Another, pushing a television walks past her. Veronica turns to follow and catch up with him. VERONICA: Hey! They said you guys had a trainer? Allison Shivan totally thrashed my ankle, the little bitch. The football player jerks his thumb behind them. FOOTBALL PLAYER: That way. He then disappears into a room filled with football players and staff. The door is shut behind him. It can be seen though the glass wall of the room that one TV is already showing football footage. She observes for a moment and then heads in the direction indicated. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, ATHLETIC COMPLEX, LOCKER ROOM - DAY. Veronica gets to the locker room and looks around. She finds the door to the office of Dwight Fry, Defensive Coordinator. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, ATHLETIC COMPLEX, FRY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. Veronica quickly heads for Coach Fry's computer. The team is called the Rough Riders, and the mascot, shown between the two words, is the fedora-topped head of a sinister looking man. Veronica brings up the file menu. Coach Fry's files include ones on training, opponent recon, recruiting, schedule, scouting, and special teams. However, Veronica is only interested in the one marked "Playbook." She selects it and another list appears of files named with a series of letter and numbers. She selects the one called FK397-44-906. In a new window, the relevant playbook appears. Topped with a pair of Hearst College crests, the document reads: "Hearst College. Athletic Department. Men's Football x3459 Sports Complex. #FK397-44-906." Under that is a football field positions diagram headed "Trips left 346 R - Swing." Veronica selects "Print" and turns to the printer behind her. It is processing and at 5%, rising to 7% as she watches. VERONICA VOICEOVER: World's slowest printer. Veronica turns back to the computer, but is startled to hear voices right outside the door. POP: [offscreen] Thanks for meeting me, Coach. Veronica quickly returns the computer screen to its home page and drops under the desk just as the door opens. Coach Fry and Pop enter. COACH FRY: Not a problem. What's on your mind? POP: Well, I just wanted to let you know that Sonoma made me an offer. I mean, you know I love it here, but they're giving me a full ride. COACH FRY: Now, wait a minute. We can work something out. You know, I'll make room for your stay, Pop. Further conversation is interrupted by the ping of the printer which has finally processed the document. Veronica's eyes widen. COACH FRY: What? What is that? The message window on the printer now reads "printing." COACH FRY: What's printing? Coach Fry bends down at his desk and Veronica decides to declare her presence before she is discovered. She screams out. VERONICA: Oh, my God! Startled, Coach Fry jumps up. COACH FRY: Gah! What in God's name are you- Veronica climbs out from under the desk in full bimbo mode. As she does, she kicks the plug of the printer out of it's socket. VERONICA: Oh, I am, um, am so just, um, ahh, I'm so...embarrassed. I...it's a hazing thing and my sorority said that I had to break in and steal a jock...the little underwear, not like kidnap an athlete. God! Um, so do you think maybe I could borrow one for an hour or two? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. A file is open. It is slapped closed, revealing Veronica sitting the other side of the dean's desk. DEAN O'DELL: Collecting jocks, are we? You now have the most colourful disciplinary file in the freshman class. How 'bout you give me that name and we'll start over with a clean slate. VERONICA: I said I'm not giving up the name. DEAN O'DELL: And I said I'll have you expelled. VERONICA: [defiant] And I said I'm not giving up the name. Is this how this works? Further discourse is cut short when the door to the dean's office bursts open. Nish storms in followed by Fern and a blonde girl, Claire. NISH: Dean O'Dell, I am sorry but I can't just sit out there any longer without speaking up. DEAN O'DELL: Actually, we were just finishing up. FERN: [stridently] It's insulting. You call us for a meeting and you strand us there with those Lampoon jackasses? The jackasses Fern is referring to, Darren and Stew, follow them into the dean's office. DARREN: Did somebody say my name? CLAIRE: Oh, great! Darren laughs. Stew saunters up next to him. Veronica, still sitting in her chair, is sandwiched between the warring factions. STEW: Ooh, nice office. [in comic voice] It's good to be the dean. NISH: Or did you call us in here because you changed your mind and you will stop these idiots from publishing their misogynistic rag? Stew looks around. STEW: Idiots? Where? Wait, us? DARREN: Stop publishing? Why? CLAIRE: Because it's offensive to women. STEW: I'm sorry, did someone say rag? He points to Nish, who stands taller. Veronica takes the opportunity to exit while there's a lull in the shots. She rises slowly from her chair and addresses the dean. VERONICA: I should really go. DEAN O'DELL: You have two days, Miss Mars. Darren decides to take an opportunity of his own and halts her sliding away. DARREN: Hey, you're a woman. Does this upset you? He hands Veronica a rolled up newspaper. Veronica takes it and unfurls it. The front page picture is a parody of the naked breasts picture in the Hearst Free Press with a similar number of guys on empty bleachers exposing their chests, which have been blocked out to cover their "breasts." The banner hanging underneath them reads: "No thanks. (Except maybe the blonde in the middle)." Under the picture is the story heading: "Campus Rape Crisis Day 200" and the sub-heading: "Co-Eds get their freak on." Veronica reads the banner out loud. VERONICA: "No thanks, except maybe the blonde in the middle." Uh, a little I guess- NISH: Right, the one in the middle. That's Claire. Nish turns back to Claire. NISH: Claire, they want to rape you. Claire shakes her head in disgust as Nish turns back to the dean. NISH: That's hate speech. Veronica starts backing out. VERONICA: I meant more it says it's a humour magazine but I'm not seeing it. DEAN O'DELL: Whether The Lampoon's content qualifies as humorous is debatable. Hearst's free speech policy isn't. That discussion was over yesterday. Today, we are discussing this. Dean O'Dell holds up some pictures. They are of a vandalised car. Veronica, slowly edging out, pauses at the sight of the pictures. DEAN O'DELL: My wife and I went out last night. Came back to our Volvo bashed with what the mechanic hypothesised was a bat of some sort. Four thousand dollars in damage. FERN: We didn't do that. STEW: I agree it's impossible. Where would militant feminists get ahold of a softball bat? NISH: Very funny, pig. DEAN O'DELL: Funny you should use that word. Dean O'Dell holds up another picture, a close-up of the car's bonnet on which is written the word "Pig." NISH: No! They framed us! There's a cacophony as the two sides start yelling at each other. VERONICA: I should really go. She backs out and closes the door behind her. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica crosses the road in front of a black Range Rover which turns around and honks at her. It pulls up and parks to next to her. It's Logan's new car - a black Range Rover. LOGAN: Hey! He jumps out of the car. LOGAN: So what am I? On a scale of one to ten? He locks the car remotely and joins her on the pavement. VERONICA: Uh, one. Seven? Four? Help me with some criteria? LOGAN: Gentlemanliness? He kisses her and they walk on. LOGAN: Look how I resisted the impulse to make the so-called booty call last night. Veronica's grin is tight. Logan notices. LOGAN: What? VERONICA: Just the other day, my dad was saying I had a thing for trying to reform unreformable bad boys. LOGAN: What does that have to do with me? I'm reformable, good, and a man. VERONICA: Dick said the class was a walk. You could have gone to the art thing. LOGAN: Wait. Dick said what? VERONICA: It was a walk. You know, the five-minute rule if the professor doesn't show. LOGAN: Oh, Dick's idea of five minutes is like one. Ask Madison Sinclair. The professor showed. VERONICA: You mind showing me the notes? LOGAN: Forget it. You're hardly the first girl to be led astray by Dick. Logan spins around in front of her, bringing their walk to a halt. LOGAN: Hey, so you up for something tonight? Maybe Noam Chomsky's reading the Havana phonebook somewhere. VERONICA: I'm stuck at work tonight. Maybe you could drop by. LOGAN: Mm-hm. G-rated booty call in the library. Maybe I just will. The both laugh. Veronica pushes him on and they continue to walk on together. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM - DAY. Veronica is knocking at the door but there is no answer. She sighs and knocks again. A co-ed is passing by. VERONICA: Hey, have you seen Mac? PASSING CO-ED: Uh, she and Parker just left wearing work-out stuff. Maybe they're going on the StairMaster. The girl walks away, leaving Veronica a little perplexed. Kurt and Trish come around the corner, holding hands. KURT: Hey, looking for me? VERONICA: Am now. She joins them and they continue down the hallway. VERONICA: So, thanks to the Stone Age printer in the coach's office, it doesn't look like stealing new pages is a viable plan. However, there might be something to your theory on that coach because, while I was snooping around the locker room, I ran into him... They've reached Trish's dorm room. She unlocks and opens the door. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TRISH'S DORM ROOM - CONTINUING. VERONICA: And I- Veronica stops short behind Trish who has paused on seeing something on her bed. It's a portrait of Trish with a note leaning against it. VERONICA: What's that? KURT: I don't remember leaving you a really bad painting. Kurt presses past both the girls to get to the painting. Trish grimaces. TRISH: It's Larry. KURT: Art show Larry? TRISH: I told you we went out last year. KURT: Yeah, but you didn't tell me he was stalking you. TRISH: I really thought he'd moved on. Kurt reads from the note he has retrieved. KURT: "Seriously, drop that meathead, you know you're still my muse." Meathead? I thought he liked me. TRISH: He more...hates you. VERONICA: Enough to steal his playbook? Kurt looks up at Veronica. VERONICA: You had it at the art show, right? INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith is flipping through photos from the shoe warehouse, listening to Weevil's report. WEEVIL: I just don't think it's the guard, man. They are in Keith's office. Keith puts down the pictures and gazes at Weevil across the desk. WEEVIL: He don't feel like a thief. Weevil gets up and comes around to Keith's side of the desk. WEEVIL: Look, he reads comics. He drives a VW Bug. No, this is our guy. Weevil points at another photo. KEITH: Um, Eli, that's the owner. WEEVIL: Not him, the truck. The driver. Keith holds up another picture, with the owner and the driver speaking. KEITH: I read the file, the guy's been there for years with a spotless record. Why would he- WEEVIL: Steal shoes? He picked up a habit, a nasty one. Check it out. One of the pictures shows the driver in a secluded corner sniffing something. WEEVIL: Scrawny guy, sniffles a lot, always eating candy. Heroin. A-and here, check this out. Weevil points at a couple of pictures of the driver carrying boxes. KEITH: He's offloading the truck. WEEVIL: Yeah, but, but check the difference. Here, he's straining. Right? Then here, it's no problem, easygoing, like- KEITH: Like it's light. WEEVIL: Empty. KEITH: Eli, that's...that's some fine detectiving. Weevil laughs proudly and returns to the other side of Keith's desk. WEEVIL: Yeah, man, I knew it once I saw the guard, I was like, this can't be the guy, and then I was taking a look at the pictures and- KEITH: Now, have you slept yet? WEEVIL: Not yet. Keith picks up a file from his desk. He gets up from his chair and walks to the front of it, standing in front of Weevil. KEITH: Couple lost their adult son a few years ago to a car accident. Now they think their grandson is being abused by their daughter-in-law. Think you can go get a few hours sleep and go back on stakeout? WEEVIL: I'll go right now, if you need me to. KEITH: I like the hustle, but the kid's in school 'til three. Weevil chuckles and Keith pats his arm. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, STUDENT UNION - DAY. The room is being cleared of all the paintings. Larry is taking his pieces down from the wall. Veronica saunters in, for all the world looking like someone seriously contemplating the art. Larry notices her. LARRY: What do you think? Veronica moves in closer. VERONICA: Um...it feels kinda...mmeh... LARRY: Let me guess. You're an art major. VERONICA: Interested amateur. It just looks like you're having muse trouble. Yeah, like your muse...isn't your muse anymore because she dumped you? Larry gives Veronica a WTF look. VERONICA: For, like, a meathead? Larry gets back to work and takes the painting from the wall. LARRY: Um, I don't know what you think that's about, but I'm busy, so... VERONICA: Yeah, me too. So let's cut the crap. Veronica follows Larry to a table where the rest of his paintings are stacked. VERONICA: Did you steal Kurt's playbook, Larry? LARRY: There's something I could use, a book full of football plays. VERONICA: Maybe if it got your romantic rival kicked off the team. LARRY: I see, so he could spend more time with Trish? Great theory. You are clearly a genius. Larry starts to bind the paintings together. VERONICA: If he's off the team, he loses his scholarship, he's gone, and Trish is alone and ready to cry on your bony-assed paint-spattered shoulder. LARRY: Look, whoever you are. I'm not a criminal mastermind, I'm just a painter. Larry holds out his paint-stained hands. VERONICA: Yeah, well, so was Hitler. Veronica gives him a knowing stare and then walks away. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, KURT'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. Veronica bangs on the door to Kurt's room. Kurt opens the door. VERONICA: Let me see your backpack. KURT: It's... He's taken aback as she barges past him into the room. It's another large dorm room, with a poster over his bed that reads: "Anyone who thinks winning isn't everything never had a football coach." KURT: On my chair. What's up? Veronica finds it and picks it up. VERONICA: Just had a little chat with our friend Larry - enormous tool, by the way. Trish totally traded up. Veronica inspects the inside of the backpack. KURT: Uh, thanks. What's, uh- VERONICA: Sure. Anyway, everything Larry touches is smeared with oil paint. He's got motive and opportunity. So all we need is a single smudge in the bag. Come on, Larry, please be guilty. In her search, she turns the bag upside down. A single kernel of popped corn falls onto the floor. VERONICA: Oo. Veronica and Kurt both look at the popcorn. VERONICA: You said Pop walked onto the Hearst football team, right? Kurt nods. Veronica bends down to pick up the popcorn. She rises slowly, thinking out loud. VERONICA: So, if you lost your scholarship, it could theoretically go to him? KURT: No, Pop couldn't. He's my- VERONICA: Then how did it get in there? You never opened the bag. KURT: Even if he did, he'd know to just trash it. There'd be no way to prove it. Veronica shrugs. VERONICA: So we blackmail him. That's the beauty of blackmail. If I call him and he shows, he's guilty. Get him to confess on tape, you force him to take the fall. Kurt looks sceptical. VERONICA: Please. I've only done this a million times. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - NIGHT. Veronica is drafting an email, with the subject heading, "I Know What You Did...". VERONICA VOICEOVER: So how did people blackmail each other before email? Thirty years ago, I'd be here all night, cutting letters from a magazine and getting glue everywhere. Now it's just one button. The email is addressed to brian.popovich@hearstcollege.org. The parts that can be read state: "A good friend of yours, Kurt, if I'm not mistaken, is...suggest you return his playbook before you start lo...Most sincerely, The Retriever." Veronica clicks on the send button. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And I'm ready for my official boyfriend visit. A throat is cleared. Veronica looks up expectantly with a beaming smile. That fades when she sees that it's not Logan. Cut to a few minutes later as Veronica gets the student the last of the books he wanted. VERONICA: And last and not by no means least, Thorsten Veblen. Enjoy. The student takes the book and exits. Veronica's cell phone, which she has left on the help desk, is ringing. She returns to the desk and grabs it, checking the caller ID. She has a message from Logan. In the background of his message are the sounds of a party going on. LOGAN: Hey, it's me. Veronica smiles and sits down at the desk to listen. LOGAN: Oh, I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight, uh... Veronica's smile fades. A girl shouts in the background. GIRL: Come on, do it! Come on! LOGAN: 'Cause it looks like I'm getting lucky. Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, babe. Veronica is not happy. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - NIGHT. Veronica walks out of one of the college buildings into the night. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Now here's a moral dilemma. You have a cell phone tracker which cost your dad hundreds of dollars. Veronica pulls the tracker out of her bag and gazes down at it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: You went through the trouble of activating your GPS chip in your boyfriend's phone, so... With a slight shake of the head, she starts punching in numbers. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Is it a waste of your dad's hard-earned money and your time if you don't use it? She turns it over to the displayed diagram. "Logan E" is marked with a big red dot, located in one of the college halls. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MERCER HAYES'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. A mini-casino is set up in the room. On one wall, a bookie is marking up a tote board for horse racing. Other activities are spread out through the room. Mercer, wearing a white jacket, plays host and circulates the room. MERCER: Hey, guys, hey. Good to see you guys. Looking good, looking good. Elsewhere, poker (Texas Hold 'Em) is being played. Mercer calls out to one of the players. MERCER: Angela! That is a sharp-looking jacket. Good to see you. A guy hurries over to Mercer. GUY: Hey, Mercer. We need a couple more bottles. MERCER: Thank you. He takes some money out of his pocket and leans down to one of the poker players. MERCER: Jamie, we're running low on vodka. He throws cash on the table. MERCER: You wanna do something about it? JAMIE: That's fine. Jamie leaves the table with the money. One of the players shouts a "Whoo-hoo" and Mercer, continuing his turnabout, claps. MERCER: Oh ho! That's what I like to see! Everybody having a good time. Mercer heads for the blackjack table. He stops and watches. BLACKJACK DEALER: Split your aces. He deals on a pair of aces. BLACKJACK DEALER: Twenty, nineteen. He flips over his card. BLACKJACK DEALER: Dealer shows a fifteen. Mercer walks around to speaker to the player of the Aces. It's Logan. MERCER: You, my friends, appear to be in the proverbial catbird seat. BLACKJACK DEALER: Dealer hits. Twenty-one. Logan takes a consoling slug of his drink before turning to Mercer. LOGAN: Is that what they're calling the toilet these days? Logan glances up as the door to the room opens. It's Veronica. They stare at each other across the room. LOGAN: 'Cause that's what I think I'm in. Veronica walks over to Logan who, with a final toss of his chips, stands up from the table and turns to face her. LOGAN: What are you doing here? VERONICA: I was about to ask you the same question. Uh, first let's start out with where exactly here is. Mercer steps forward, offering his hand. MERCER: My room. Mercer. Mercer Hayes. VERONICA: Just Veronica. [to Logan] So, this is why you stood me up? MERCER: [to Logan] Are you playing, or is your seat... VERONICA: It's free. LOGAN: Unlike me, apparently. Logan steps closer to Veronica. LOGAN: Veronica, it's not like I promised...wait. How did you find me? VERONICA: Easy. I just followed the pungent smell of money going to waste. LOGAN: So what was it? A bug? A tracer? Mercer is starting to get uncomfortable with the conversation. VERONICA: Relax. I just traced your phone. MERCER: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Could you maybe move this outside? Another guest approaches Mercer. ALAN: [stuttering] Hey, M-M-Mercer. You got a spread on this weekend's game? MERCER: [mockingly] I d-d-d-do. Mercer laughs. MERCER: You must hate when people do that. It's us by four. Mercer laughs again and then dismisses Alan by turning back to Veronica and Logan. MERCER: Yes. So, uh, if you don't mind. He points to the door. Veronica turns and heads for it. Logan follows. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MERCER'S DORM - CONTINUING. Logan shuts the door behind them as Veronica pauses in the hallway. LOGAN: You know, as adorable as it is when you do it to criminals, the surveillance thing is starting to bug. He heads up the hallway, with Veronica keeping pace at his side. VERONICA: You said you'd come by. LOGAN: Might come by. VERONICA: And then on your message, I heard all this partying and I wanted to know what was going on. LOGAN: Yeah, and while I appreciate your interest, Big Brother, I hope- VERONICA: Wow! A 1984 reference. Did you read that in weightlifting? Logan comes to a halt and faces her. LOGAN: You know, your dad was half-right. You have a thing for bad boys, but, well, you don't want to reform them, you just get off on judging them. Logan does his "enough" gesture and starts to walk away. Veronica ignores it. VERONICA: Which reminds me. Can I borrow your copy of 101 Brooding Comments? Logan turns back to face her again. LOGAN: I only have the CliffNotes. Look, I gotta run, so, uh, to save you the trouble, I'm surfing in Mexico with Dick and Mercer this weekend. I'll fax you the coordinates so you don't incur any more cell-tracking charges, and I'll keep a journal of my bad thoughts in case you want to stick my face in a cage of rats when I get back. Sorry, 1984 is the only book I read. He backs away, turns and leaves. Music: "Hold On, Hold On" by Neko Case. LYRICS: The most tender place in my heart is for strangers I know it's unkind, but my own blood is much too dangerous Hanging 'round the ceiling half the time Hanging 'round the ceiling half the time Compared to some I've been around But I really tried so hard That echo chorus lied to me with its "Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on" In the end I was the mean girl Or somebody's in-between girl Now it's the devil I love That echo chorus lied to me with its "Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on" Veronica watches him go. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. The song is playing on the stereo in Veronica's bedroom. She's lying in bed, sad and listless. Keith enters her room and stands at the door. She gives him a half-hearted wave. KEITH: I got fired off a job today. VERONICA: What? What hap- Veronica realises. VERONICA: Weevil? Keith walks into the room. KEITH: I sent him on surveillance the other night. He did great. Keith sits down on the bed. KEITH: Really great. I sent him on another one last night. A child-abuse case. A couple's son died in a crash. They suspected the daughter-in-law of hitting their grandson, so they wanted custody. VERONICA: What did he do? KEITH: Weevil finds out it's not the daughter-in-law hitting the kid, it's the new boyfriend. So Weevil- VERONICA: Hit the new boyfriend. KEITH: Repeatedly. Daughter-in-law realised what he was doing there, lawyers got involved, grandparents lost their chance, I lost the job and my chance to protect the kid from further abuse. VERONICA: [softly] Oh, my God. Veronica sits up, leaning on one elbow. VERONICA: Dad, it won't happen again. Keith shakes his head sadly. VERONICA: He really needs the work. KEITH: So do I, honey. He's got to go. Veronica sighs. End music: "Hold On, Hold On" by Neko Case. [SCENE_BREAK] INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Weevil is sitting at Veronica's desk. He scrunches up a piece of paper and throws it in the bin. He lets out a deep breath when he hears the door open and looks up. It's Veronica. She smiles softly and walks towards him. She stands in front of the desk. WEEVIL: So, uh, is he mad? VERONICA: Actually...I asked if I could be the one to talk to you. He said...he has to let you go. Weevil makes as if to say something, but changes his mind and accepts the inevitability of it. VERONICA: It's not personal. He likes you. He said you're a good- WEEVIL: Don't sugar-coat it, all right? I get it. I'd fire me. He laughs. WEEVIL: Man! I just...I really dug this stuff, you know. I actually thought I was okay at it. He gets up and sorts out a file. VERONICA: I'm really sorry, Weevil. WEEVIL: That's all right. Listen. Uh, do you know anybody else who's hiring ex-cons? Because, uh, if I don't get a job in a week, I'm going back to the joint. VERONICA: I wish I did. But, actually, if you can still borrow tools from your uncle... Veronica pulls a file out of her bag. VERONICA: I can get you two grand to fix the dean's car. She hands him the file. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY. A copy of The Tell-Tale Heart and Other Stories by Edgar Allen Poe [sic] (it's Edgar Allan Poe) slams down on the help desk. POP: Uh, can I check that out? VERONICA: Guilty conscience, eh? POP: No, actually, uh, somebody told me I needed to come down here and check it out. Pop looks around. VERONICA: Me. I left you the message. Veronica marches to the bookcase to return the book to its place on the shelf. Pop follows her. POP: You. All right, so what's this about? You said that you knew I'd done something wrong. VERONICA: That sound in your head, Pop, [loudly and dramatically] it is the beating of this hideous heart. Veronica is shushed by someone in the library. Pop looks at her as if she has gone crazy. VERONICA: But seriously, I'm giving you the chance to come clean. I know what you did to Kurt. There's no sense trying to deny it. Pop squirms and lets out a deep breath. VERONICA: Good, you're doing great. Now, we just need to figure out how you can set things straight with Kurt. I mean, I assume you trashed it, so... POP: No! I've still got it. VERONICA: [surprised] You do? POP: Yeah. Uh, do you want me to give it to you? VERONICA: Well, yeah. That would be a good start. Veronica walks back to the help desk. Pop follows her as he digs into his backpack. He pulls out a couple of sheets of paper, folded. POP: I mean, I don't really get the third degree. It's just a lousy sociology assignment. He hands them to Veronica who examines them, perplexed. POP: I mean, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. VERONICA: Wait. So when you broke into Kurt's bag, you were stealing homework? POP: Yeah, I was behind, and I thought it's not like either of us would get caught, so... VERONICA: When you swiped this, did you see a playbook in his bag? POP: Yeah, which is actually against the rules, but Kurt's cool and I was stealing his homework. VERONICA: What time did you two stop playing Guitar Hero that night? POP: I don't know. Oneish? Whenever his girl showed up and kicked me out. VERONICA: Trish? Pop nods his head. Veronica ponders anew. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - DAY. Veronica heads purposefully towards the radio station. Music: unidentified. She pulls open the door and runs straight past Piz. He calls out to her. She, somewhat impatiently, turns around to face him. PIZ: Oh, Veronica! Guess who just got his own radio show. Me. I, uh, I-I do feel like you had something to do with it though. You know, you, helping the boss's boyfriend. Veronica glances over her shoulder at Trish, talking to another student. VERONICA: Well, it's a good thing you got the show because I'm about to make Trish real unhappy. Veronica turns away from Piz and goes straight to Trish. VERONICA: Trish! Um, did you talk to Kurt yet? TRISH: No. What's up? Veronica casts a surreptitious eye around before pulling Trish to a slightly more private area, in the broadcasting booth. VERONICA: My boyfriend has a weightlifting class, um, and I was meeting him by the stadium and I saw Kurt. I think he turned himself in. TRISH: What makes you think- VERONICA: Coach Fry had him running the stadium, yelling like a maniac about him losing the playbook and how's he going to be running the stadium steps every day. You were right, Trish. That guy really has it in for Kurt. TRISH: But...he didn't kicked off? VERONICA: I'd say getting kicked off would have been a bargain. End music: unidentified. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TRISH'S DORM - DAY. Veronica walks down the hall towards Trish's room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Thirty minutes. That should be about right. Thirty minutes for Trish to come apart at the seams. Veronica reaches the door. Like most of the others, Mac notwithstanding, Trish has a whiteboard on her door on which have been written various messages such as "Be back soon," "Hiya hottie!" and something illegible from someone called Kim. Veronica is about to knock but pauses at the sounds of banging coming from the room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: What is she doing in there? Veronica knocks. Trish pulls open the door. Veronica leans forward to peer into the room. VERONICA: Redecorating? Trish looks behind her. The room looks like it has been ransacked. TRISH: I took Kurt's playbook. VERONICA: You don't say. Trish is shocked that Veronica already knows. TRISH: And now it's gone and if I don't find it, Kurt is going to keep getting tortured. VERONICA: Well, the good news is I lied about that. You wanted your boyfriend to lose his scholarship just so, what, you two could spend more time together? TRISH: No. I wanted him off so he wouldn't be miserable. That coach treats him like a piece of meat. Trish walks back into the centre of the room. Veronica advances into the room. TRISH: Kurt...Kurt absolutely lived for that team. And-and when he wrecked his knee for them, how did they thank him? They made his life hell. VERONICA: Trish! You can't quit for him. We need to get that book back. TRISH: Fine! But it's gone. And I have no idea where it can be. Veronica takes a deep breath and casts her eyes around the room. She sees the painting of Trish on the floor, leaning against the lower bunk bed. She smiles. VERONICA: Think about it. We know who has it. There's a knock on a door. INT - NEPTUNE, LARRY'S PLACE - DAY. Larry opens the door to Trish, Kurt and Veronica. Kurt lunges past Trish to grab Larry by his shirt and push him backwards into the room, not stopping until they fell a few lamps and Kurt lays Larry down on an ottoman. Keeping his hands on Larry's shirt, Kurt looms over him. KURT: Where's the playbook, Larry? Kurt flips him over and pulls Larry's arm behind his back. Larry screams. LARRY: Get off me, you dumb goon! KURT: Where's the playbook, Larry? Where's the playbook? You're entering a world of pain, Larry. The front door opens and closes behind Veronica and Trish. It's Alan, who takes in what is going on. ALAN: I-I-It's under the couch. Veronica turns and looks at Alan in surprise. Kurt lets go of Larry and checks under the couch. He pulls out the playbook. Veronica's brain is working furiously. Kurt faces Larry who is now standing. He tosses him down on the couch. KURT: [to Trish] Let's go. VERONICA: Uh, I don't think it's cool, actually. Veronica spins round to face Alan. VERONICA: I saw him sniffing around Mercer's casino sports book, checking the spread on Saturday's game. Sounds like pretty good odds, huh? Your roomie swipes a playbook from ex-girlfriend's meathead new boyfriend, so why not pass it along to the other team and then bet the farm against Hearst? KURT: You gave Sonoma State the playbook? ALAN: Larry was in on it too. Behind Kurt, Larry rolls his eyes. TRISH: No one will know it was you, Kurt. Just turn in your pages tomorrow like everyone else. KURT: And just let the team get their asses kicked? TRISH: After what they did to you, what do you owe them? KURT: I guess you don't know me that well. Kurt walks past Trish, pushes past Alan, and exits the house, Trish behind him. Veronica gives Larry a last dirty look and then follows. EXT - NEPTUNE, GARAGE - DAY. The dean's Volvo, registration TRO6506, is as good as new, save for the cracked windows and the paint job required on the new left wing. VERONICA: I can't believe you got so much done that fast. Weevil accompanies Veronica as she walks along the side of the car. WEEVIL: Well, only one of those dents is serious. The windows and paint will take another day or so. It's not so bad. So I hear the dean's a pal of yours. You actually made friends with somebody? VERONICA: Actually, he wants me expelled. WEEVIL: Ah, that sounds more like it. I didn't figure him to be so uptight. VERONICA: He'd outlaw women wearing pants. Veronica gets curious. VERONICA: Why would you say that? WEEVIL: Well, I figured with the cool car and the bad-ass tunes, he'd be a cool guy. VERONICA: Bad-ass tunes? Weevil pulls a CD out of his pocket. WEEVIL: This was in the CD player. Veronica takes it and holds it up. The CD is by the Transplants. Veronica's eyebrow lifts. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Dean O'Dell is working at his desk. He looks up as Veronica enters without knocking. VERONICA: Okay. She shuts the door and walks towards the desk. VERONICA: So here's the deal. You can go ahead and expel me because I'm not giving up the name. Or we can drop the whole thing, and I can make your problem with the Lilith House and The Lampoon and the car go away. He stares at her sceptically. He laughs. He picks up a large envelope from one side of his desk, taps it on the desk, and sets it down on the other side. DEAN O'DELL: So, you can make all this go away? Veronica starts searching in her bag. VERONICA: You a big fan of the Transplants? DEAN O'DELL: I don't know what that is. Veronica holds out the CD. VERONICA: It's a band. Look, your son knows. Veronica holds the CD next to the picture of his family on his desk, on the side where the older boy in the Kiss make-up and Transplants t-shirt poses. VERONICA: I even read they had a show the other night. Did he go? DEAN O'DELL: He's fifteen. He's not allowed. Veronica drops down into the chair in front of the desk. VERONICA: I think he did anyway. I think he took your car and snuck out, blasting his CD. Then, when he dented it, knowing you'd murder him if you found out, he trashed it to make it look like feminists did it. See... Veronica reaches out for the pictures of the vandalised car, still on the dean's desk. She points to the dent on the left side. VERONICA: This dent? Way too deep. A baseball bat couldn't have done that. And there was paint chipped off on the inside. And I'm betting if you check your garage, you'll find you have a can of spray paint that matches the graffiti. The dean stares at her for a moment. DEAN O'DELL: I see. So, I guess we're even. VERONICA: Actually, you still owe me 'cause I got your car fixed for free. DEAN O'DELL: For free! By whom? Veronica rummages in her bag again, and pulls out a notice. It is headed: "Positions Available! These great jobs are just waiting for the right person to step up to the plate." Further illegible details are set out underneath. Across them is handwritten Weevil's name and phone number: 555 [?01?]43 VERONICA: By the hard-working and responsible young man that you are going to hire to fill this maintenance position. I wrote his name and number on there. He's expecting your call. Veronica stands, satisfied with a good day's work. Dean O'Dell stares at her in some shock. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Mercer is in a queue for food at one of the booths. VERONICA: Hey, Mercer. Did you pack your shark repellent? MERCER: Uh, my what? He stares at her, taking a moment to recognise her. MERCER: Veronica, right? He notes the contents of her tray. MERCER: Ooh, do not eat that. Trust me. And, uh, what about sharks? Mercer hands over money at the cash till. VERONICA: Uh, watch out for them. In the water? You're going on a surf trip, right? Mercer looks blank, puzzling Veronica. VERONICA: Mexico? Mercer laughs. MERCER: Oh, right, Mexico. Yeah, well, no one said anything about surfing, but, um, yeah I'll get you a pi ata. Mercer walks off leaving Veronica suspicious. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Logan's Range Rover is parked at the side of the road. Veronica takes a quick glance around before heading for the driver's door. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Now, maybe people would say they'd never install a tracking device in their significant other's car, but I think that's just because they don't know how. Having opened the door, Veronica plants a bug under the steering column. INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica catches up with Trish in a corridor. By Veronica's clothes, it's the next day. VERONICA: Hey, Trish, um, did Kurt talk to- TRISH: Kurt's gone. He packed his car and headed back to Kansas. They yanked his scholarship. VERONICA: So you told him about the playbook? Trish nods. TRISH: He said he owed it to his teammates. I don't understand boys. Or football. VERONICA: [with some feeling] Me neither. But, hey, if guys like Kurt are that into it, it can't be all bad. I guess. Veronica walks on a bit before stopping and facing Trish. VERONICA: So, you broke up? TRISH: He said he needed some time to think. You know, I had all the grants lined up for him. He just...he says he knows my heart was in the right place. She shrugs. TRISH: He just can't get over what I did. I think I blew it, Veronica. I went momentarily crazy, and it's going to cost me the guy I love. Veronica doesn't respond, going inward. Trish sighs a shuddering sigh and walks on. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica hurries to the Land Rover, now parked in a parking lot. Veronica has a remote for it and unlocks the car. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So I'll let that be my defence. A case of momentarily crazy. Because when you think about it? No one wants to know what college boys do with themselves in Mexico. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Dean O'Dell is on the telephone. DEAN O'DELL: So we'll just put this behind us for now. He listens for a moment. DEAN O'DELL: Yes. Goodbye. He puts the phone down. DEAN O'DELL: Peace in our time. He goes back to the papers on his desk. He's distracted by the whirring noise above him. He looks up. The air conditioning is working. He gives a huff of disbelief. Weevil pops his head in the office. WEEVIL: Better? DEAN O'DELL: Much. Weevil nods and shuts the door, pausing for a moment to look through the glass window. He smiles. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - NIGHT. KRFF 88.3 broadcasts on the web, and it's up on Veronica's screen. VERONICA VOICEOVER: If the eight email reminders I received are correct, it's time for the premiere of Piz's radio show. Veronica fits her earphones to listen. RADIO ANNOUNCER: And finally, congratulations to our football team who outlasted Sonoma State this afternoon a 24-17 scorcher. And now stay tuned for "But We Were Just Talking." The theme music for Piz's show plays. As she listens, Veronica smiles. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Looks like Larry and his stuttering roommate really are starving artists now. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - CONTINUING. Piz takes the centre spot in the broadcasting booth. On either side of him are Nish and Fern from Lilith House and Darren and Stew from The Lampoon. PIZ: Our inaugural episode is devoted to my personal favourite amendment: rule number one. Our guests: the heads of the Lilith House and the editors of The Hearst Lampoon. Piz looks from one pair to the other, but they just glare at each other. There's a long period of dead air. PIZ: You can actually hear the smiles. All right, let's flip a coin to see who goes first. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING. Veronica continues to listen in the deserted library. PIZ: [on the radio] And it's the head of a white slave-owning patriarch, which means we'll go with the gents. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - CONTINUING. DARREN: The problem is simple. Feminists aren't funny. NISH: Should I wait for the rimshot, or can I respond? DARREN: Can you say rimshot on the radio? NISH: Please. If I say Mr. Hartman here is an idiot, that's one thing, but I say he's an idiot and should be strung up and beaten to death. Is that different? I mean, do words matter any more? PIZ: She makes a good point. I mean think about it. This may not be burning-movie-theatre dangerous speech but it, it is... Fern's cell phone buzzes and she looks at the screen. She has a message from Sara M. The message is "Claire was raped." Piz trails off as he notices Fern. FERN: You bastards. Fern points an accusing finger at the Lampoon editors and shouts it again. FERN: YOU BASTARDS. Nish tries to calm her as Piz temporarily pulls the plug on the broadcast, replacing it with a call for blood donors. PIZ: Uh, we'll be right back. Fern continues to challenge the editors. FERN: You said you'd do it and you did. It was Claire. Nish is horrified. FERN: They raped Claire. Fern does air quotes. FERN: The blonde in the middle. Are you happy? Are you happy now? Darren and Stew shift in their seats, unhappy and extremely uncomfortable. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING. Veronica is still listening to the blood donor call, her brow furrowed. CUSTOMER: Hi. A male student arrives at the help desk. Veronica pulls out her earphones. CUSTOMER: I'm looking into Jack London and mercury poisoning? Veronica, a little distracted, takes a minute to concentrate. VERONICA: Um, third floor, aisle nine. The guy leaves for the third floor. Veronica is deep in thought and slowly puts the earphones down. LOGAN: [offscreen] Is this the help desk? Music: "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor. LYRICS: I never loved nobody fully Always one foot on the ground And by protecting my heart truly I got lost in the sounds I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All these words I hear in my mind All this music And it breaks my heart... And it breaks my heart... And it breaks my he-ar-ar-ar-art... And it breaks my he-ar-ar-ar-art... Suppose I never ever met you Suppose we never fell in love Suppose I never ever let you Kiss me so sweet and so soft Suppose I never ever saw you Suppose you never ever called Suppose I kept on singing love songs Just to break my own fall Just to break my fa-a-a-a-a-all... Just to break my fa-a-a-a-a-all... Just to break my fa-a-a-a-a-all... Break my fall, break my fall Veronica is astonished to see him. Logan leans on the desk as Veronica rises from her seat. LOGAN: 'Cause I need a little help. VERONICA: Let me guess. You have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend, and you hope maybe there's a guidebook? LOGAN: No, it's more like, uh...what's beyond pathological? Veronica's emotions are very close to the surface and her eyes fill. VERONICA: I'm sorry, Logan. Logan is surprised to be hearing an apology and seems to appreciate what it's costing her. VERONICA: I spent my formative years watching people while they lied to and cheated on and betrayed each other, so the trust thing...it doesn't come naturally, but I'm trying to act unnaturally, I swear. She lets out a sigh and drops her head. VERONICA: [softly] So there's that. She looks up at him again. VERONICA: I thought you were in Mexico. LOGAN: Yeah, well us bad boys usually love Mexico, but, uh... He half-grins before becoming serious. LOGAN: I was feeling a little reformed. He smiles. LOGAN: I don't even think Mercer surfs. And I always feel bad about those poor donkeys. Veronica swallows and smiles. LOGAN: Are you free this weekend? There's a film festival. Incomprehensible foreign movies of three-plus hours. Logan waggles his eyebrows. Veronica face brims with feelings for him and she barely nods. They are interrupted by another student. DWEEB: Is this the help desk? Without taking her eyes off of Logan, Veronica reaches down and pulls out the closed sign. She places it on the desk in front of the hapless student. Logan looks back at her, excited. Veronica is now beaming. VERONICA: Sounds nice. But let's find you that guidebook... She grabs his hand and hangs onto it as she comes round to his side of the desk. She passes him, puts her other hand behind her, and swaps hands. She pulls him towards a staircase as the dweeb looks on. VERONICA: Which I think is on the dark, lonely top floor. Veronica doesn't wait. She puts her arm around his shoulder and starts to kiss him before they even make the stairs. They kiss and walk and climb the stairs all at the same time. They break for a heartbeat to stare into each other's eyes and kiss again. As they get up to the small landing, Veronica nestles her head on Logan's chest. End. End music: "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor.

To help Weevil stay out of prison, Veronica convinces her father to give him a job at Mars Investigations. A Hearst football player loses the team playbook and, with his scholarship at stake, hires Veronica to find it. Veronica fights with Logan after she discovers that he chose to gamble with his friends instead of spending time with her. The Dean of Hearst threatens to expel Veronica unless she reveals her sources for a sorority article she wrote. Claire, one of the girls of Lilith House, a center of feminist activism, is raped.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_04x17

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_04x17_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. HIGHWAY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. ROADWAY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. ROADWAY - DAY] (A bus travels along the roadway. A car with a young couple in it follows closely behind. The car horn beeps impatiently. The bus continues to travel at its current speed which is apparently way too slow for the car behind it.) (The driver of the car behind the bus continues to beep his car horn.) Man (driver): (shouts) Come on! (The man in the car behind the bus continues to beep his car horn in frustration.) Woman (passenger): Honey, just pass him. (He pulls the car a little toward the center line to see if there's room enough to pass.) Man (driver): (shouts) Move it! Woman (passenger): Calm down and just pass him. (The man takes her advice and speeds up to overtake the bus but an oncoming SUV stops him. He pulls back into his lane behind the bus to avoid an accident.) (The bus hits a bump in the road and a human appendage from under the bus flies out and hits the car in the windshield leaving a trail of goo on the glass.) (The MAN and the WOMAN in the car scream.) (He hits the brakes and pulls the car over to the side of the road.) [EXT. ROADWAY - DAY - LATER] (BRASS looks at the mess on the car's windshield.) Catherine: (o.s.) Hey, Jim! (BRASS turns around to see CATHERINE and NICK walk toward him.) Catherine: We got a call. A possible 4-19. Is there a dead body or not? Brass: That arm crash-landed on the windshield of the car. According to the driver, it shot out from under the bus. Generally speaking, where there's an arm, there's a body. Nick: What say we check out the bus? Brass: Good call. (NICK heads over to the bus, passing the female inmates along the way.) Brass: Now, the, uh, passengers were on their way to St. Matthew's Church in Pioche. They were from a work release program at Nevada Correctional Institution. (CATHERINE looks at the wheels.) Catherine: Okay, well, I got some blood on the wheel well. (She kneels down to look under the bus.) Catherine: Oh, yeah, that's a definite on the 4-19. (Under the bus, they see torn bloodied sheets and what's left of the body hanging from the underside rails.) Catherine: Um, well ... appears to be female. Caucasian. Nick: Tied to the undercarriage ... maybe. Brass: Hitch a ride under a bus. Well, that's one way to get out jail. Nick: Yeah, and I bet this big boy spit out body parts all the way down the road. Catherine: So ... the bus is traveling sixty-five miles per hour. What's the distance from the tip of her nose to the tip of her toes? FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADSIDE -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE climbs out from under the bus. NICK walks over to her.) Catherine: Well, looks like she used strips from a white cotton sheet. Nick: Yeah, use whatever's available when you're breaking out of prison, I guess. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY] Under the bus, the female inmate hangs on to the sheets. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE looks at the cotton sheet.) Catherine: Low thread count. Average tensile strength wasn't strong enough to support her weight. (Quick flashback to: [UNDER THE BUS] The prison inmate hangs by the cotton sheets under the bus. As the tires spin, she falls to the road. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: The torque of the spinning axle ripped her apart like the rubber off a bad retread. Catherine: Yep. If she'd used a nylon rope, she'd be on her way to Tijuana. Nick: Right. I'll call auto detail, have the bus sent to the garage, yeah? Catherine: Oh, hey, after that, grab Sara and go directly to jail. I'm going to supervise this body part collection. FLASH TO: (CATHERINE takes photos while DAVID PHILLIPS collects the body parts.) (Various flash cuts of the various body parts being collected: The leg, a finger, what looks like an ear, another body part, and even more body parts.) (Finished, CATHERINE looks around.) Catherine: Okay, David, I think that's it. (DAVID fills out the evidence bag info sheets.) David Phillips: I'll get these parts to Dr. Robbins. He'll start putting her back together. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (A siren wails in the distance.) [INT. ADAMS' RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (GRISSOM looks around and sees the bloodied mess on the floor leading up to the dead body. The knife, presumably the murder weapon, is on the floor next to the body.) (WARRICK snaps a photo of the body. From where he stands, GRISSOM looks around the apartment.) (WARRICK snaps a photo of the knife.) (GRISSOM spots more blood on the sofa.) (WARRICK looks up from the camera and sighs.) Warrick: Helter-skelter. Grissom: Yeah ... except there's no blood spatter on the walls or the ceiling. Warrick: We have the murder weapon. He was stabbed in the chest. (Quick flashback to: [CLOSE UP] of the knife in someone's hand. He stabs the man in the chest. The man grunts. Blood falls to the floor. He falls down. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Quick flashes of the body.) [INT. ADAMS' APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (DET. VARTANN interviews the LANDLORD.) Landlord: There's two of them in that apartment. The name's Adanto Adams. He don't live in that apartment. He's visiting from out of town. That's Zero's little brother. Det. Vartann: 'Zero'? Landlord: Zero Adams. He's the one who lives there. [INT. ADAMS' APARTMENT - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM walks over to the sofa. He looks from the blood spot on the sofa cushion over to the body on the floor.) Grissom: Well, unless he was bending over the sofa with his chest pushed against this cushion, this bloodstain is inconsistent with that wound. Grissom: Paul, would you turn him over for us? Paul: Okay. (The CORONER standing nearby walks over and moves the body for GRISSOM. On the victim's back, they find more stab wounds. WARRICK and GRISSOM both kneel down to look at the wounds.) Warrick: Oh, yeah. Stabbed in the chest and the back. (WARRICK snaps more photos of the wounds.) [INT. ADAMS' APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (The LANDLORD tries to look at the body inside the apartment. DET. VARTANN turns him back to answer the questions.) Det. Vartann: So, uh, where is this Zero now? Landlord: I don't know. I'm not his mother. I'm his landlord. Det. Vartann: Well, if you see him, give me a call. (DET. VARTANN gives the LANDLORD his card. The LANDLORD takes it.) Landlord: Yeah, yeah, sure. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (DR. ROBBINS goes over the preliminary findings with CATHERINE.) Catherine: When I do a jigsaw puzzle, I like to start with a corner piece. Robbins: When the puzzle's a body, the corner piece is the pelvis. Oh, uh, Nick ID'd your vic. She missed her last bed check. Convict number sixty-nine twenty. (ROBBINS hands CATHERINE the file with information and photo. She reads through it.) Catherine: Antoinette Stella. Two-year sentence for identity theft. She was due for release next month. Guess she was in a hurry. Robbins: No, she wasn't trying to escape. She was murdered. (ROBBINS picks up the arm off the table.) Robbins: I dissected her arm. (Camera zooms in for a close up of inside the arm.) Robbins: The blood in the brachial artery is clotted, which is indicative of a post-mortem laceration. Catherine: Have you determined the cause of death? Robbins: Yep. Cranio-cerebral injury... (He peels back the hair on the head to show the injury underneath.) Robbins: ... due to blunt-force trauma. Depressed skull fracture imbedded with tiny white fibers. Given the depth and position of the, uh, fracture, I'd say she was hit on the head with something hard on the inside and white and fuzzy on the outside. Catherine: I'd like a clean look at that fracture. Robbins: Sure. I'll start her bath. Catherine: Anything else? Robbins: Well, you might want to check out her left forearm. (CATHERINE looks but doesn't see anything.) Catherine: Birthmark? Robbins: Rap sheet's referenced "dermatological anomalies." According to her, she didn't have any. I'll take a slice down to histology. (ROBBINS grabs a knife off the table and prepares to cut off the skin.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - CORRIDOR -- DAY] (WARDEN HUTTON escorts SARA and NICK through the facility to the victim's cell.) Warden Hutton: We locked down as soon as we got the call. We do bed checks six times a day. All inmates were accounted for at thirteen hours. Nick: What time did the bus leave for church? Warden Hutton: Thirteen-thirty. Harris (inmate): Hey, sexy, how 'bout you come back here on your day off? (NICK turns and sees HARRIS hanging out through the bars. She tapes the bottom of her chin with the back of her hand.) Harris (inmate): No gag reflex. Warden Hutton: Watch it, Harris. Got a drawer full of C-9s with your name on 'em. (They continue through the hallway to the victim's cell. As they pass a cell, the inmate yells out to them.) Inmate: What are you lookin' at? (They stop in front of the victim's cell where CHRISTINE stands inside.) Nick: What can you tell us about the vic? Warden Hutton: Antoinette? She was popular with the other inmates. No enemies to speak of. (The cell door opens.) Warden Hutton: This was Antoinette's cell. Christine, you're going to step out. Officer. (The OFFICER steps forward to escort CHRISTINE out of the cell. SARA and NICK walk into the cell.) Warden Hutton: When's the last time you saw baby girl? Christine: I'll need to check my calendar. Warden Hutton: Don't get stupid on me, Christine. Nick: Baby girl -- was that a street name? Warden Hutton: Yes. That's what everyone called her. Christine? Christine: I saw baby girl at lunch 'bout an hour before we got on the bus. (The WARDEN steps into the cell and unlocks the lock on a locker.) Christine: Hey, that's my locker. I didn't take none of Baby's stuff. Warden Hutton: Didn't say you did. Christine: Look ... I didn't hardly know baby girl. She only lived up in here eight days. Sara: Eight days? Warden Hutton: In this cell. Few weeks ago, I found her smuggling contraband. Christine: It was just a silver necklace. Warden Hutton: Inmates aren't allowed jewelry. It wasn't a major infraction, but I transferred her cell. Sara: Makeup, deodorant, shampoo. Warden Hutton: Inmates are allowed commissary visits once a month, unless they rack up two weeks in nights. (SARA finds the shoes at the bottom of the locker and checks it.) Sara: Do you keep track of purchases? Warden Hutton: I can get you a list. And just for the record, in the state of Nevada, there's never been a homicide in a Female Correctional Facility. Sara: Until now. (NICK uses the ALS on CHRISTINE'S bed. She sees him and appears alarmed.) Christine: What are you doing? Nick: I'm ruling you out as a suspect, ma'am. (He finishes, straightens and sighs.) Nick: No evidence of blood. Christine: I could've told you that. Sara: Warden, could you show us where the bus was parked before it left the facility? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - GARAGE - DAY] (DOUG HANSON, the bus driver and prison guard at the facility, escorts SARA to the bus.) Doug Hanson: The bus was stationed right here. Sara: Are you the only driver? Doug Hanson: Only bus driver. Got my CDLC last May. MAN (over P.A. System) Attention, inmates ... Sara: Officer, before you drove out of here, did you inspect the vehicle? Doug Hanson: Miss ... Sidle, I don't get time to scratch my ass. I haven't had a junior officer in my department in two years. Now, usually, I work the road, and when the warden asks, I take inmates on field trips. Sara: Did you know the dead woman, baby girl, Antoinette Stella? Doug Hanson: Start seeing 'em as real people, start carin' when they go back to their pimp dealer scumbag boyfriend? Sara: That's enlightened. Doug Hanson: That's reality. (NICK joins them.) Nick: No sign of a struggle, no evidence of a body drag. If the attack didn't happen in her cell or in here, maybe it happened on the bus. Sara: Who maintains your transpo fleet? (Off to the side, JUANITA peers around the wire fence. She has a bucket in her hand.) Doug Hanson: Fleet? We got three antique buses. Inmates do all the work. Nick: You allow inmates to service your prison vehicles? Doug Hanson: You bet. On Saturday, I even bring in my SUV. Juanita washes it. (He nods over to her.) Doug Hanson: Ain't that right, Juan'a? I've got to get something on top of my $11.65 an hour. (NICK walks away.) Look, we're in the middle of the desert. We're a hundred miles from the pit of nowhere. Sara: Is that gate always unlocked? Doug Hanson: It's not like someone's going to hot-wire the bus and hightail it out of here. Sara: Right, so essentially anyone in the prison population could have walked into the garage, onto the bus and no one would have said boo? Doug Hanson: Boo. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - SUNSET] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (GRISSOM processes the knife. He finds a coating of something on the knife. He scrapes off a sample of it.) (He fumes the knife and finds a fingerprint.) (He removes the knife from the container and dusts the print.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - SUNSET] Frank Samuels: (V.O.) I got a call at work and was told to get over here right away and he's not here. [INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY] (DET. VARTANN is out in the hallway with FRANK SAMUELS when WARRICK approaches them.) Warrick: Detective, I got your page. (DET. VARTANN steps away from FRANK SAMUELS and heads for WARRICK.) Det. Vartann: Hey, we were canvassing the area when Mr. Samuels showed up. He says he's the tenant's guardian. He's got questions. Warrick: So do I. (They both turn back to FRANK SAMUELS.) Warrick: Mr. Samuels, I'm Warrick Brown. I'm from the crime lab. Frank Samuels: What happened to Zero? There's crime tape on his door. These guys won't let me in. Warrick: His brother was murdered. Frank Samuels: Adanto? Warrick: Did you know him? Frank Samuels: Yeah, I've known them both since they were kids. (ZERO ADAMS steps into the hallway accompanied by an OFFICER. ZERO'S shirt is bloodied.) Zero Adams: Frank ... Frank Samuels: Zero. Zero Adams: I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - GARAGE - NIGHT] (SARA and NICK examine the inside of the bus. They start from the front and work their way to the back.) (At the back of the bus, NICK finds something.) Nick: Absorption. (SARA joins him.) Sara: Blood? Nick: Yeah, and it's more than just a paper cut. Sara: I'll swab it for DNA. (SARA opens her kit and takes a swab sample of the blood.) (As she does that, NICK checks out the other side of the bus and finds something else.) Nick: Florescence. Bluish-white. (NICK swabs and tests the fluorescence.) Nick: Acid phosphatase tests positive. Sara: What is semen doing in the back of a female prison bus? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- NIGHT] (ZERO ADAMS is being questioned by WARRICK and DET. VARTANN in FRANK SAMUELS' presence.) Frank Samuels: It's okay, Zero. Just answer the questions. Zero Adams: I said I was sorry 'cause I'm not supposed to be out by myself. Warrick: So, why did you go out? Zero Adams: Well, I came home from special school, I found Adanto in the kitchen. (Quick flashback to: ZERO holds ADANTO and cries.) Zero Adams: I love you. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: When was the last time you talked to your brother? Zero Adams: Just before school. (Quick flashback to: [INT. ADAMS' APARTMENT - KITCHEN] ZERO and ADANTO sit across each other at the kitchen table.) Adanto Adams: What I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anybody. Zero Adams: No. No, I won't. Scout's honor. Adanto Adams: We're going to be rich like we always talked about. (ADANTOA drops a deck of cards on the table. He reaches out and touches ZERO affectionately.) Adanto Adams: I love you, kid. Zero Adams: I love you, too. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Zero Adams: Said he was going to buy me a shiny new car and a driver to take me anywhere I wanted to go. (ZERO leans in close to WARRICK. WARRICK leans in close as if receiving a secret.) Zero Adams: (confidentially) He said we were going to be rich. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT (STOCK) - EVENING] (Thunder rumbles in the distance.) [INT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - WARDEN HUTTON'S OFFICE -- EVENING] (CATHERINE questions JUANITA ROYA in WARDEN HUTTON'S office.) Warden Hutton: Juanita's in charge of bus detail. I'm sure she'll be happy to answer your questions. Catherine: Juanita? Do you recall the last time that you washed out the interior of the bus? Juanita Roya: Yesterday, a few hours before we left for work release. (JUANITA turns to look at the WARDEN.) If something's missing, it wasn't me. You can check my locker. Catherine: Did you notice anything unusual in the back of the bus? Juanita Roya: Like what? Catherine: Blood or ... semen? Juanita Roya: Didn't see any blood. Catherine: What about semen? Juanita Roya: Don't they still do it in the backseat in the free world? Catherine: Yeah. But I doubt if conjugal visits are permitted in a prison bus. Juanita Roya: Conjugal visits aren't permitted anywhere. The ACLU was going to bring a case that's ... (JUANITA looks at the WARDEN, then abruptly stops talking. CATHERINE turns to look at the WARDEN.) Juanita Roya: The only men permitted in this correctional facility are the correctional officers. Warden Hutton: It's a class "d" felony for a co to have sexual contact with an inmate. Catherine: Lots of things are felonies, but people still do them. Otherwise, you and I'd be out of a job. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- NIGHT] (OPEN on the evidence bag label: Article: CLOTH FIBERS Data Found, Located or Developed: 3/11/04 Where This Article Was Found: SKULL Investigation Officer: C. WILLOWS David Hodges: The white fibers from the head wound were straight out of any Wal-market. (HODGES hands the sample bag to NICK as he reports to him and SARA.) David Hodges: Seventy-eight percent cotton, fourteen percent polyester and seven percent nylon elastic. Nick: Sounds like we're looking for a lethal pair of white underpants. David Hodges: Yeah, or a bra, pair of socks. The skin discoloration, that was a real challenge. You know, uh, on her forearm. Looked like a birthmark. Yeah, that skin sample was supposed to be sent to histology. Yeah, well, they kicked it back to me. Uh, the coloration was an adulterant. Aluminum chelate of carminic acid. Nick: Aluminum ch ... ? I've never heard of this before. Sara: It's a cochineal. Nick: A what? Sara: A cochineal. They're scaled insects. Carminic acid is found in their intestines. (Quick flash of the bug eating a leaf.) Sara: (V.O.) It's bitter, so it discourages predators. (End of flash. Resume to SARA.) Sara: As a dye, it's been prized for centuries. David Hodges: Since when did you become an insects expert? Sara: Entomology textbook. Grissom gave it to me last Christmas. David Hodges: Oh. Sara: When I can't sleep, I read. (HODGES turns to look at NICK.) Nick: Funny, I didn't get a Christmas gift from Grissom. Did you? David Hodges: No. Uh, so, assuming that she was tattooed in prison, how'd she get a hold of the bugs? Sara: Well, um, cochineals feed on cactus plants. They probably grow wild in the prison area. (Quick flash of: [EXT. DESERT] ANTOINETTE STELLA collects the bugs and smashes them up.) Sara: (V.O.) Baby girl could've smashed up a few bugs, used the carminic acid to tattoo herself. (She uses the acid like ink to tattoo her arm.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Do you have a photo of the tattoo? David Hodges: Yeah. (HODGES shows SARA the tattoo. She and NICK look at the photo.) Nick: Looks like a half moon. Gang moniker, maybe. Sara: Every woman knows what that is. It's a heart. Well, half a heart. (NICK turns the photo on its side where it's recognizable to him.) Nick: Oh. Yeah. Where's the other half? (NICK looks at SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY] (WARRICK and DET. VARTANN interview FRANK SAMUELS.) Warrick: Mr. Samuels, we found your prints on the knife used to kill Adanto Adams. Frank Samuels: Now, wait a minute. I didn't stab Adanto. (Quick flashback to: [INT. ADAMS' RESIDENCE] FRANK SAMUELS walks into the apartment and sees ADANTO on the floor. He starts yelling for ZERO.) Frank Samuels: Oh, my god. Zero?! FRANK SAMUELS: Zero?! (He reaches down and pulls the knife out from the body.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: But you didn't call 9-1-1. Or the police. You just took off? Det. Vartann: That's a felony. Frank Samuels: Look, I was concerned about Zero. He's a nine-year-old kid in a man's body. I didn't know if he did it. Zero's like a son to me. I've been his guardian since he was fourteen. Everybody used to make fun of him. Called him "Zero." I told him only special people get nicknames. Warrick: Where's his parents now? Frank Samuels: They passed away. He left a small inheritance for his boys and ... Zero doesn't spend much. Det. Vartann: Okay, I'll ask again. You found the body and then you went to work? Frank Samuels: I just needed some time to think. Warrick: Well, you'll get plenty of that now. Det. Vartann: Twenty-four hours in a holding cell. Come on. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS goes over the body with GRISSOM.) Robbins: It's very peculiar. Take a look at his chest wound. No right or left angulation. No up or down. Straight in, straight out. (He makes the motions with his hands.) Grissom: Well, the crime scene suggests he was moving around his apartment while being stabbed so, "straight in, straight out" doesn't seem likely. Robbins: Well, one time is an anomaly. Five times? (ROBBINS lifts up the body to show the back wounds to GRISSOM.) Robbins: All four back wounds are clustered and parallel. (He puts the body back down on the table.) Robbins: And the chest wound is at the same distance from the crown of his head as the other four. Grissom: What about defensive wounds? Robbins: There are none. Grissom: Okay, so, he's running around his apartment trying to get away from his attacker and he incurs no nicks or cuts? Robbins: Nope. Grissom: What else? Robbins: Well, I found this in his stomach. (ROBBINS picks up the clump from the metal container and shows it to GRISSOM.) Robbins: Looks like a paper wad of some sort. Grissom: Maybe a treasure map. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - QUESTIONED DOCUMENTS LAB] (RONNIE LITRE works on opening up the clump taken from ADANTO ADAMS' stomach.) Ronnie Litre: Good thing this guy's not concerned with his cholesterol. He ate fatty foods. Paper's pretty well preserved. Uh, most of the ink is washed off. (He gets the paper opened and sees something.) Ronnie Litre: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's something there in the corner. (The camera servo clicks in rapid succession.) Ronnie Litre: Help me put it in there, Warrick. (Together, they put the piece of paper between two sheets of plastic. WARRICK puts it under the scope.) Warrick: (reading) Uh ... "P-A... L..." Oh, the Palms. I know what this is. It's a receipt for a marker. (WARRICK looks down to get the amount.) Warrick: For ten grand. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - SUNSET] [INT. PALMS CASINO/HOTEL] (WARRICK shows the MANAGER the photo of ADANTO ADAMS. The MANAGER recognizes him immediately.) Manager: Oh, yeah, that's him. Adanto Adams. Said he wanted to play BJ in the no-limit area. So I had the cage check his credit. (He signs a clip board and hands it back to the man.) Qualified for ten grand. Worker: Thank you. Manager: And I wrote him up. Warrick: Did he have some kind of a system? Manager: They all got systems. This one was a small-time double-up type thing. Bet 100, lose; bet 200 lose. Bet four, lose. Double-up-till-you-win type thing. (Quick flashback to: [INT. PALMS CASINO - BLACKJACK TABLE] ADANTO plays the cards and gets frustrated at losing. He looks at the dealer.) Adanto Adams: Now, don't you get anything other than a 20? Hmm? (He bangs the table in frustration.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Manager: The one thing about systems in this town -- if you got one, we want you here. Warrick: Can I get a copy of that footage? Manager: Listen, you look familiar. I seen you before? You been in here? Warrick: Maybe just on a case. How about that footage? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (SARA enters the hallway and rushes to catch up with CATHERINE.) Sara: Hey, got your page. What's up? Catherine: Oh, the Warden faxed over Baby Girl's commissary purchases. She bought one twenty-count box of tampons every month like clockwork, but check out the last few months. (CATHERINE shows the list to SARA.) Sara: What are you thinking? She might not have needed any for, oh, nine months? Catherine: I think Baby Girl was having a baby. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS is cooking the skull in a large pot. He lifts the skull up from the pot just as CATHERINE walks into the room.) Robbins: Skull's not ready yet. Enzymes are still eating away at the proteins. Catherine: Did you, by any chance, do a pregnancy test on Baby Girl? Robbins: I thought she'd been incarcerated for the last 23 months. Catherine: (nods) She had been. [SCENE_BREAK] (ROBBINS pulls out the table from the morgue cabinet. He pulls the sheet away from the body. He plunges a syringe into the necessary area to get the liquid sample. CATHERINE watches.) Robbins: Urine ... you're out. (He fills the syringe with urine.) Robbins: Okay ... (He expels the urine into a petrie dish and reaches for a Home Pregnancy Test Kit.) Catherine: Home Pregnancy Test, huh? Robbins: About ten times cheaper than the brand sold by our medical supply company, and just as accurate. (He sticks the stick into the urine and waits.) Catherine: Eye on the bottom line. I find that very ... Robbins: (prompts) ... sexy? Catherine: "Prudent". But that was a good try. (He removes the stick and shows the results to CATHERINE.) Robbins: Yeah, plus sign. You know what that means. Catherine: Who's your daddy? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (ARCHIE is in the AV Lab reviewing casino video when WARRICK walks in.) Warrick: Archie? Archie: Hey. Got your surveillance tape of Zero's brother. Warrick: Roll it. Now, according to the pit boss, the kid was playing a double-up system. What I want to know is, how many hands did he back himself up? Archie: Let's find out. (ARCHIE fast forwards the video.) Archie: First hand, hundred. Loser. Archie: Second hand, two hundred. Lose. Archie: Third hand, four hundred. Lose. (WARRICK shakes his head.) Archie: Fourth hand, Eight hundred. So he's doubling every bet. Warrick: Yeah, that's the classic double-up system. (They watch for a moment.) Warrick: Go back out wide. (ARCHIE changes the view.) Archie: Looks like he's all in. Warrick: Tenth bet, $51,200. Adanto has 20. He sticks. She has two up. Another two, and thats four. Two, three, two. That's eleven. Ace, ace, ace, ace. Fifteen. Six. Archie: Ten-card twenty-one. What are the odds of that? Warrick: The record's an eleven-card twenty-one. That was back in '78. (On video, ADANTO leaves the table.) Archie: So he loses $102,300 in ten hands. What's the $10,000 marker for? Warrick: Try to chase back the 102. (They watch him play.) Warrick: He lost it all. (On video, they watch ADANTO fold up the marker and put it in his mouth.) Warrick: He swallowed his loss. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- NIGHT] Woman: (over intercom) All COs sign in with the desk sergeant. All COs sign in with the desk sergeant. (WARDEN HUTTON walks over to CATHERINE.) Warden Hutton: Miss Willows. My COs are level 3 peace officers. I will not subject them to a DNA lineup that is nothing more than a wild goose chase. Catherine: We have probable cause to believe that a Correctional Officer was involved with Baby Girl. Warden Hutton: Involved in getting her pregnant, maybe, but that's a far cry from homicide. Catherine: Nevertheless, as you pointed out, s*x with an inmate is a crime. Which is the basis for my warrant. (CATHERINE holds out the warrant for the WARDEN. The WARDEN takes it and CATHERINE walks away.) (She opens the door to the waiting room and walks inside.) Catherine: Okay, everybody, can I have your attention, please? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (DET. VARTANN finds WARRICK.) Det. Vartann: Hey, I did some digging. Withdrawal slip from Zero Adams' custodial account the day of the murder. Warrick: How much? Det. Vartann: $102,000 even. Warrick: Who are the signatories? DET. VARTANN Zero Zdams and Frank Samuels. (DET. VARTANN shows WARRICK the slip.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OFFICE -- DAY] (DET. VARTANN and WARRICK take their findings to FRANK SAMUELS.) Frank Samuels: Uh, this is not my signature. This is Zero's account. I'm the custodian, but, um, I didn't sign this. Adanto. That son of a ... Warrick: What? You knew about this? Frank Samuels: Indirectly. We had it out. (Quick flashback to: [APARTMENT] FRANK is pacing the floors upset at ADANTO who sits there with his head in his hands.) Frank Samuels: Tell you something, you degenerate. All I've heard from you is how much money you blow day-trading, and now you want to touch your brother's life savings? You can forget about it. Adanto Adams: Don't you see? If I play perfect blackjack, there is no way we can lose ... (Around the corner out of sight, ZERO has his hands over his ears as he listens to them arguing.) Frank Samuels: There is no perfect blackjack. (The men continue to argue.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (WARRICK puts a piece of paper in front of FRANK.) Warrick: I'm going to need, uh, a sample of ... of your handwriting. Also need a sample from Zero. (FRANK takes the paper.) Frank Samuels: Just copy this? Warrick: Yes. (He writes.) (Fade to: ZERO ADAMS gives a sample of his writing.) (Fade to: The sheet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - QUESTIONED DOCUMENTS] (RONNIE LITRE goes over his findings of the writing samples with WARRICK.) Ronnie Litre: London letters is one of my favorite standard writing tests. Uh, the paragraph has every capital letter in the alphabet, as well as numbers one through nine. Warrick: Just tell me who's lying. Ronnie Litre: Uh, okay. Uh, Zero's not. Uh, his signature is authentic. Proof is in the "Z." (RONNIE puts an enlarged sheet of paper on the table.) Ronnie Litre: Okay, uh, look at the "F" in "Frank Samuels" from the withdrawal slip, and then look at the "F" from the London Letters. (He puts another sheet down on the table.) Ronnie Litre: Different. As well as the "S" in "Samuels," and the "S" in "Switzerland." Again, way off. I hate to tell you, Warrick, but I think your guardian might be telling you the truth. And from what I can see, Zero didn't forge it. Warrick: Well, then who did? Adanto? Ronnie Litre: (shrugs) Without a sample, I can't tell you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (CATHERINE walks through the hallway when a smiling GREG finds her.) Catherine: Start talking. Greg: The blood Nick and Sara found in the back of the bus-- consistent with the victim. Catherine: Not a surprise. Greg: Semen found in the back of the bus matches your bus driver's DNA. Catherine: Also, not a surprise. Greg: Try this one. Bus driver's DNA has 13 alleles in common with the victim's unborn fetus. (GREG walks away leaving CATHERINE with her mouth open in surprise.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (CATHERINE interviews the bus driver DOUG HANSON in the presence of his attorney.) Doug Hanson: I don't believe you. Catherine: She was pregnant. Twelve weeks. And you're the father. Your attorney has reviewed your case file. (DOUG HANSON turns to his LAWYER.) Lawyer: It's in there. [OBSERVATION ROOM] (NICK and SARA watch the interview.) Nick: When he said he expected something on top of his $11.65 an hour, I thought he was talking about free car washes. Sara: There's no evidence of anti- or paramortem rape. He'll claim it was consensual. Nick: It's still rape. Under cover of authority. [INTERVIEW ROOM] Doug Hanson: She swore she couldn't have kids. Too many turns at the coat hanger ... (CATHERINE shakes her head.) ... her words. Catherine: Yeah. I imagine that you were pissed off when she broke the news. It kind of changes the power dynamics. Nick: And she blabs to the warden. He's demoted from officer to inmate. Sara: That is murder. Doug Hanson: I swear, I had no idea. Lawyer: Doug, let me handle this. If the DA had sufficient evidence to file murder charges, he would have. Catherine: Well, your client's already been charged with a felony. DA has all the time in the world. Doug Hanson: Look, I can't fight the evidence. Lawyer: Doug, Doug, would you be quiet? Doug Hanson: (to his lawyer) Look, I got her pregnant. I admit it. I'll do the time, okay? (to CATHERINE) But you can't prove that I killed her because I didn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (WARRICK finds HODGES.) Warrick: How's the knife handle coming? David Hodges: Handled. The substance Grissom scraped off was interior latex house paint with titanium dioxide. Warrick: That would be glossy, right? David Hodges: Mm-hmm. Warrick: What's house paint doing on a knife handle? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (WARRICK talks with GRISSOM.) Grissom: In 1984, William Bergstrom asked old man Binion if he could come into his casino and bet a million dollars on one roll of craps. That November, he put a briefcase full of $1 million on the "don't pass" line, rolled a seven on the come-up. Warrick: Loser. Grissom: Soon after that, he killed himself. Warrick: So, what are you getting at? Grissom: If the wounds couldn't have been made by a handheld knife, maybe the knife wasn't handheld. Warrick: How else are you going to stab a guy? Grissom: Well, put the evidence aside for a second. What was Adanto's state of mind? You've had a few bad runs. Warrick: Guy comes into town, convinces his brother to invest in some two-bit double-up system, ends up losing his life savings in a ten-card twenty-one. In a word: Desperate. Grissom: So put that into context with your evidence. (WARRICK looks at the knife.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (CATHERINE walks into the lab.) Catherine: Greg. Greg: Do you think skin cells can survive fifty miles of rough desert road? Catherine: That's what I asked you. Greg: I analyzed every strip of fabric from the bus' chassis. Zilch. But I'm a guy who likes to tie up loose ends, so I asked Doc Robbins to send over the scraps that were tied to the body parts. That's where I found them. Fresh, abraded epithelials. (Quick flashback to: Someone ties the wrists to the bus. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: So, if the epithelial DNA matches the bus driver, this case is closed. Greg: One problem. Double "X" marks the spot. Catherine: It's female DNA? Well, I guess we're looking at an inmate. Greg: Or female staff. (ROBBINS walks into the lab.) Robbins: Excuse me. Am I interrupting? Catherine: Oh, not if the vic's skull is in that bag. (ROBBINS pulls out the plastic bag with the skull in it and looks at it.) Robbins: Alas, poor Yorick. (looks at GREG) I knew him, Horatio. (He shows the skull to CATHERINE.) Robbins: The occipital bone retained the shape of the murder weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ADAMS' RESIDENCE] (WARRICK looks around the apartment.) (Quick flashback of: [KITCHEN] ADANTO sits alone in the kitchen looking at the knife in his hands. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (WARRICK sighs.) Warrick: Desperation. (He lifts up his flashlight and looks at the blood on the sofa cushion.) (Quick flashback to: ADANTO sits on the sofa. End of flashback.) (WARRICK steps forward and looks at the blood on the floor.) (Quick flashback to: ADANTO lying on the floor, the knife in his chest. End of flashback.) (WARRICK continues to look around. He sees the damaged wood bits on the floor. He kneels down to look at it. Then, he looks up and sees the damage in the wall.) (Quick flashback to: ADANTO wedges the knife in the wall.) Adanto Adams: (voice overs) No way we can lose. (ADANTO turns around, his back to the knife.) Adanto Adams: (V.O.) This is Vegas. ADANTO ADAMS: (V.O.) Anything can happen. (He slams his back into the knife. Over and over again.) (He staggers over to the sofa and rests on it for a moment. It's not enough. He looks at the knife again.) Adanto Adams: (V.O.) I found a way to make us some money. (He grits his teeth, gets up and heads back to the knife.) Adanto Adams: We're going to be rich like we always talked about. I love you, kid. Zero Adams: I love you, too. (He slams his chest into the knife.) (End of flashback.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] Zero Adams: He killed himself? Warrick: I'm afraid so. Zero Adams: No. Why would he do that? Det. Vartann: Your brother took out an insurance policy with an accidental death clause. It means that if he was murdered, the beneficiary would be entitled to a million dollars. You're the beneficiary. Warrick: Unfortunately, the coroner is going to rule the case a suicide ... and not a homicide, which makes that policy worthless. Zero Adams: I-I was just trying to help my brother. Oh ... (groans) I want Frank. Det. Vartann: Listen to me. Frank will be facing charges of obstructing justice. Do you understand? The court will appoint you another guardian. Zero Adams: No, I don't want another guardian. (shouts) I want Frank! (He looks imploringly at WARRICK.) Warrick: (softly) I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (The skull is on a rotating metal plate as it's being scanned into computer.) Nick: This program is scanning the topography of the skull and building a three-dimensional image based on the data. It should be done in a second, but you can already see two concentric arcs. (The monitor shows the 3-d image of the skull.) Nick: Inner arc is impressed just a little bit deeper into the skull. Check it out. (It pauses on the wound.) Sara: Like a crater in a crater. Nick: Yeah. Sara: Can you enlarge to full screen? Nick: There. (On the monitor, the image of the skull focuses on the injury.) Nick: Small ... (The image moves even closer to the injury.) Nick: ... evenly spaced indentations on the edge of the inner arc. Sara: I know what that is. (The shape of the injury fades into the shape of a locker padlock.) (The CGI padlock flips over and dissolves into the real padlock on the locker.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - CELL -- DAY] (CLOSE-UP: PADLOCK on locker.) (CATHERINE lifts up the padlock on CHRISTINE'S locker and sprays it to test for blood.) Christine: Skinny-ass feather worth as much trouble dead as she was alive? I didn't ask her to move in here. Warden Hutton: No one asked you. (CATHERINE finds nothing. She turns and looks at BRASS.) Brass: So, Warden, baby girl was transferred to this cell about a week ago? Warden Hutton: That's right. Brass: Where was she last housed? Warden Hutton: "D" block. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - D BLOCK -- DAY] (CATHERINE tests the padlock on JUANITA ROYA'S locker. The padlock glows.) (She looks at the padlock and find something else.) Catherine: (softly) White fibers. (CATHERINE looks around the small cell.) Catherine: Warden, how often do the inmates have their laundry washed? Warden Hutton: Twice a week: One day for colors, one day for whites. Tomorrow's a white day. (CATHERINE grabs the laundry bag and checks it.) Catherine: You don't mind if I empty out your laundry bag, do you? (CATHERINE goes through the whites in the bag. She walks over to JUANITA.) Catherine: Juanita, would you remove your shoes, please? (JUANITA doesn't move.) Warden Hutton: Now. (JUANITA removes her left shoe.) Warden Hutton: The other. (JUANITA removes her right shoe. CATHERINE checks under JUANITA'S feet and finds a blood stain under her right foot.) Catherine: A lock in a sock. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE interviews JUANITA ROYA.) Catherine: Juanita, I read your rap sheet. Possession with intent to sell. Your old man was using you as a drug meal, right? Juanita Roya: He was supposed to protect me. He said if I got caught, he'd take the fall. After the drug raid, he disappeared. Vanished. I get locked up. I should've known better. Catherine: (sighs) Well ... my ex drained my bank account. I was saving up for this nice little house for my daughter and me, and ... Juanita Roya: as soon as you let 'em in, huh? (JUANITA moves her arm and CATHERINE sees a tattoo of a half a heart on her arm.) Catherine: (sighs) Gets lonely in prison, doesn't it? Was it the first time you had a relationship with a woman? (JUANITA looks at CATHERINE.) Catherine: Tattoo. Baby Girl had the other half. Juanita Roya: I'm not ... like that. Catherine: It wouldn't be the first time to cross gender lines in search of some ... affection. Juanita Roya: It was the first time I felt that way about anyone. Catherine: And Baby Girl ended up pregnant. It's not like she could hide that from you. Juanity: She said she had the flu. Yeah, right. (Quick flashback to: BABY GIRL is throwing up in the toilet. JUANITA is angry.) Juanita Roya: That's what you get for lying to me, for sneaking around. (Flash to: BABY GIRL walks up to the bars, her back is to JUANITA.) Antoinette Stella (Baby Girl): I was just playing him, Juanita. I was doing it for us. Juanita Roya: (angrily) You're a liar! Antoinette Stella (Baby Girl): Want to know the truth, Juanita? In one month, I am out of this hole ... and away from you. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Juanita Roya: And then, later that night, she said she was sorry, and we made up. The next day, she got the Warden to transfer her ... out of our cell. She wasn't playing Doug. She was playing me. Catherine: So you killed her? Juanita Roya: She promised to end it with Doug. (Quick flashback to: [THE BUS] JUANITA goes to the bus to clean it and finds BABY GIRL and DOUG HANSON inside. She turns and runs out of the bus.) (Cut to: [THE CELL] JUANITA takes the pad lock off the locker and slips it into a sock. She angrily hits the bedding.) (Cut back to: [THE BUS] DOUG HANSON walks out of the bus. JUANITA slips into the bus where she finds BABY GIRL putting her clothes on. She walks up behind BABY GIRL and hits her on the head with the sock. BABY GIRL falls to the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: You tied her body to the undercarriage of the bus and assumed we'd think that she died while attempting to escape ... right? Juanita Roya: If there's one thing I learned in prison ... it's to stick up for myself ... because nobody else will. Catherine: I think that you should know that Baby Girl was telling the truth about the transfer. It wasn't her request. It was Warden Hutton's decision. (CATHERINE shows JUANITA the necklace.) Catherine: She was caught trying to smuggle in this necklace and was reprimanded. I'm guessing it was for you. (JUANITA looks at the necklace and cries.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT./INT. FALLBROOK WOMEN'S CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - DAY] (Various cuts of: JUANITA is escorted through the facility and put back into her cell. The cell door closes behind her.) (JUANITA climbs up on the top bunk and lies down.) (Camera holds on JUANITA.)

A mutilated female body is discovered tied to the undercarriage of a bus carrying prisoners from a women's correctional facility after a severed arm flies out from beneath the vehicle and strikes a car. Catherine leads the investigation and at first believes the woman was escaping, but the evidence increasingly points to murder. Back in town, Warrick probes the death of a gambler who was stabbed multiple times in his brother's kitchen.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_01x06

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_01x06_0

(Scene: Sunrise) MVO: A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow," he said, "which you can do today." (Scene: Meredith lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. It is storming outside and her alarm starts buzzing.) MVO: This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. (Scene: George walking through the hall towards Meredith's room with two cups of coffee. Izzie comes out into the hall. George spills the coffee on himself.) MVO: I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Izzie: Wouldn't it be easier to just ask her out? (George walks away and Meredith hits snooze again.) George: She's gonna be late. Izzie: Maybe not. George: We should wait for her. Izzie: Definitely not. I'm not her mother, and you are not her boyfriend. Not yet, anyway. George: Stop, ok? I told you I'm not interested. Izzie: Life is short, George. Do you really want to die before you ever ask her out? George: I do not want to ask her out. Izzie: Do you really want to die a liar? George: I'm not...I'm not dying. (Seattle scenes) MVO: Sometimes, the fear is just of making a decision. (Scene: SGH parking lot, Meredith is rushing) MVO: Because, what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? (Derek arrives and parks next to Meredith) Meredith: Crap. Derek: Crap? Meredith: Hi. I'm late. Derek: You're avoiding me. Meredith: Yes, but also late. Derek: Ok, are we going to talk about this? Meredith: No. Derek: About us and Bailey and what she saw? Meredith: I don't need to talk about it. I experienced it, naked. Derek: This is getting complicated. Meredith: Complicated for me. I'm the intern sleeping with the attending. Bailey isn't speaking to me anymore. Derek: Not that that's a bad thing. If I was a better guy, I'd walk away. Meredith: Yes, you would. Derek: Do you want me to be a better guy? Meredith: Yes. (They enter hospital. He pushes elevator button.) Meredith: No. Crap. I'm late. (Meredith walks away.) Derek: Take your time. Think about it. (Scene: Cristina putting pants on. Her and Burke obviously just finished having s*x in a lab room.) Cristina: That was definitely worth being late. Burke: (Sighs) Thanks. Is this a...? Should we talk about this? Cristina: Yeah, definitely. (Cristina leaves then enters the locker rooms. Meredith is inside.) Meredith: You're late. Cristina: So are you. Meredith: I know, and I can't afford to piss off Bailey any more. Do you think she told anyone? Cristina: About you and McDreamy? Meredith: Yeah. Cristina: No, he's her boss too. Meredith: If they find out, what can they...? Can they kick me out, or...? Cristina: No... Not officially. You'll just get edged out, blacklisted, banned from his surgeries, passed over for chief resident. (Sighs) It'll be humiliating, but you'll live. Meredith: I have to end it. I definitely have to end it. I have to end it, right? Cristina: Meredith, shut up. Meredith: What? (Meredith and Cristina are rushing upstairs and through hallway.) Meredith: Did you seriously just tell me to shut up? Cristina: Oh, please. You got a hot doctor who like to make you open up, and say "ahh." It's the American dream, stop whining about it. Meredith: No. No good can come from sleeping with your boss. Bailey: Cristina, you're late. Cristina: So is Meredith. MVO: Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. Bailey: When we walk in this door, you will maintain decorum. You will not laugh, vomit, or drop you jaw. Are we understood? (All open door and enter room 2111) Izzie: Why would we laugh? Alex: Oh, just you wait. Bailey: Good morning, Miss Connors. Miss Connors: Good Morning. (Woman is lying in bed with an extremely large tumor.) George: What is it? Cristina: Tumor. MVO: And you thought I was speaking metaphorically. (Seattle Scenes) (Annie Connor's room) Alex: Good morning, Annie. How are you? This is Dr. Bailey and these are my fellow interns. Bailey: Dr. Karev, we refer to patients as "mister"... Annie: I told him to call me "Annie." "Miss Connors" makes me feel old and fat, which I am, but why feel that way? (Burke enters) Burke: Good morning. Alex: Annie, this is Dr. Burke (Whispers) Awesome surgeon. Bailey: Dr. Karev. Alex: Annie Connors is a 43-year-old woman who presented last night with progressive shortness of breath for the past three months. Found to have a very large tumor of unknown origin pressed against her diaphragm. Stable vital signs. Scheduled for CT this morning, sir. Burke: Thank you, Dr. Karev. (To Annie) Are you at all claustrophobic? Annie: I've been housebound for the last year. How claustrophobic could I be? Burke: All right then. Dr. Stevens is going to take you up for a CT. It'll give us a better look at the tumor, and we'll know how to proceed. Annie: Could someone tell my mom? She'll worry if she gets back and I'm not here. Burke: Yeah, of course. Of course. Annie: And would it be possible for Alex to take me instead? I mean, he...He's just so fun to look at. Alex: (Laughing) Annie. Burke: Sure. Sure, Ms. Connors. Excuse me. (Leave Ms. Connor's room) Izzie: How much do you think it weighs? George: 60 pounds. Izzie: More. She's carrying a whole extra person. Cristina: This one's going in the books. I've got to get in. Izzie: I almost did. Have you ever seen Alex like that? He actually seemed sincere. Meredith: "Seemed" being the operative word. Alex: He was on call last night when she came in. I am never leaving this place again. Bailey: Let's move, people. Ms. Connor's surgery, should we choose to proceed, will take most, if not all, of the surgeons off the floor, which means you people will have to work extra hard not to kill anyone, cause we won't be there to fix your mistakes. Cristina: I really want in on this. Burke: I thought we weren't talking. Cristina: I'm not talking. I'm just saying. Burke: Find her mother, get a family history, and I'll tell Bailey. (Another room) Izzie: Mr. Harper had a coronary bypass yesterday. His blood pressure, currently 100/65. It was running low overnight down to 70/30, but responded to medication. Postoperative labs show a crit of 30 and normal coagulation. Chest-tube output has halted over the last two hours. Bailey: What's you plan? Izzie: Chest x-ray and check the tube for possible occlusion. Bailey: Good. (To wife) He's doing fine. Mrs. Harper: Thank you. (Scene: Walking down stairs in SGH) George: I know you think I like Meredith but I don't like Meredith. Izzie: What? George: No. I like Meredith. Obviously, I like Meredith. I just...I don't have a thing for her. Izzie: Ok. George: It's just this morning...I know you were probably just teasing, But I don't want you to say anything like that to her. Because you know, we live together, and that'd be awkward. Izzie: George, stop talking. George: Ok, then. (Scene: Hospital room where a man is trying to walk but is having difficulty.) Bailey: Morning. Derek: Mr. Levangie, this is Dr. Bailey and her fine staff of surgical interns. (Derek, Meredith and Bailey all exchange glances.) Mr. Levangie: Welcome to hell, kids. Bailey: Who's presenting? George: Edward Levangie is a 63-year-old man admitted for pain management for Dyskinesia. He's been stable since last night, and responding to the bolus injections. Bailey: Izzie, possible treatments? Izzie: For Parkinson's disease? Um, deep brain stimulation has shown... Derek: Not for Parkinson's, for spinal pain. Izzie: Oh, um... Meredith: Intraspinal catheter. That way, he can have constant pain medication. Derek: Excellent. This is Dr. Grey. She's gonna prep you for the procedure and assist. Derek: (Pager beeps) Excuse me. Bailey: You make yourselves busy, I'll catch up with you. (Bailey follows Derek out. They are in elevator alone.) Derek: Miranda. Bailey: Excuse me? Derek: Well, that's your name, right? It's on your jacket. (She looks smug) All right, fine. I'll just call you Bailey then. Bailey: You think you're charming in that talented, neurotic, overly moussed hair sort of way, good for you. But if you think I'm going to stand back and watch while you favor her... Derek: I don't favor her. She's good. Bailey: I'm sure she is. (Elevator opens and Bailey gets out) Derek: You know, can I point out that, technically, I'm your boss? Bailey: You don't scare me. Look, I'm not going to advertise your extracurricular activities with my intern. However, the next time I see you favoring Meredith Grey in any way, I'll make sure she doesn't see the inside of on OR for a month. Just for the sake of balance. (Bailey walks away and elevator closes with Derek inside.) (Alex is getting Annie ready for her CT.) CT Tech: We're all set, doc. Alex: Ok. (To Annie) There's going to be a microphone in there for you in case you get scared or you want to get out, but, um you know, try not to do that, because then we're going to have to start all over again. Annie: I'm fine. I'll be fine. Alex: I know you're going to be fine, because I'm going to be right over there behind that glass, waiting for you. All right? Annie: Ok. Alex: You ready? Are you really ready? Let's do this. (Pushes button) See ya. (Alex goes into the operator room, his pager makes a noise, he slaps it.) Alex: Oh, hey, man, you got an extra battery? CT Tech: Unbelievable. Alex: Oh, I know, right. CT Tech: I've never seen anything like this. God. Alex: Well, what I don't understand...is how a person lets it get like that. (Annie can hear Alex speaking) I mean, man, that is a whole lot of nasty. CT Tech: Maybe she's afraid of doctors. Poor thing. Alex: Poor thing? Please. If you're afraid of doctors, you take a pill. She's just sick, like, warped, you know? Seriously, I don't know how she lives with herself. (Scene: Cristina talking to Mrs. Connors in the hospital lobby.) Mrs. Connors: Well, at first, we thought she was just putting on weight. When we realized what was happening, I tried to get her to go to the doctor, but she was scared. And, the bigger it got, the less she wanted to go. And she never really felt all that sick until last night. She couldn't breathe. Cristina: Because the tumor was crushing her lungs. Mrs. Connors: Yes, well, I called 911. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Cristina: You know, the right thing to do would have been to call a year ago. Thank you. (Mr. Levangie's room) Meredith: Ok, Mr. Levangie. We're going to get you more comfortable, ok? I'm going to go downstairs and I'll be back up shortly. Mr. Levangie: Ok Meredith: Ok. (Meredith leaves; daughter follows her into the hall) Ms. Levangie: Excuse me. I'm sorry, doctor... Meredith: Grey. Ms. Levangie: My dad seems to like you. He's always liked skinny blondes. Is that rude? I'm sorry. I'm so tired. Meredith: Is there something...? Ms. Levangie: I was wondering if you would talk to him. Meredith: About? Ms. Levangie: Brain surgery. The doctor mentioned it, and I've read about it online. If it worked, it could help with most of his symptoms, not just his pain. Meredith: Is he a candidate? I don't... Ms. Levangie: He is, but he's afraid of it. Surgery on his back, he can understand, but his brain...And there are risks. But his quality of life... Meredith: There isn't any. Ms. Levangie: And, it keeps getting worse. I'm getting married next month. I already lost my mom. And I want him to walk...I want him with me. Maybe that's selfish, but...you don't know what it's like having a parent...Watching him... Meredith: I do. I do know what it's like. I'll see what I can do. Ms. Levangie: Thanks Meredith: You're welcome. Ms. Levangie: Thank you. (Meredith walks away. Bailey, Derek and Burke are examining x-rays from Annie Connors.) Burke: The right hemidiaphragm is so high that it's completely displacing her lung tissue. Derek: It's infiltrated her spinal canal in three places. We should start there. It's going to take 3 or 4 hours to get around those nerves. Burke: I'd prefer to start in front, and then flip her. You never know what kind of vessels are involved, how intertwined they are. I'm going to need a good head start. Derek: I should really go with the spine fresh, if I miss a step, she's paralyzed. Burke: If I don't relieve the pressure on her lungs, she'll be dead. So, she won't mind if she can't walk. Bailey: Do you think she really wants to live? Come on. She's been housebound. She's been living under this thing, just watching it grow for how long? She doesn't seem stupid. Doesn't even seem all that scared. Why would anyone wait this long unless they wanted to die? Derek: People do things every day that they know could kill them. Doesn't mean they want to die. Bailey: What are her chances of surviving the surgery? Burke: Slightly better than if we do nothing. Bailey: So is it worth it? (Burke looks at her, Derek sighs) Hey, come on. You were already thinking it, I'm just saying. Burke: She's 43. It's worth a try. (Burke leaves) Derek: Ha! Morning. (Derek and Bailey leave, Meredith is waiting in the hall.) Meredith: Dr. Shepherd. Mr. Levangie, the Parkinson's patient, is he a good candidate for DBS? Derek: Yes, but he's not interested. Meredith: Ok, but I think it's worth talking to him again, pushing him. Derek: We're talking about a brain surgery that is performed while the patient is wide awake, a risk of paralysis, a risk of death. And, the patient doesn't want it. It is not my job to push him into anything and it's definitely not yours. Meredith: Ok. Derek: Since you clearly uncomfortable with my decision in this case, it's probably best you don't scrub in. Meredith: But... Derek: It's a minor procedure. You won't be missed. (Meredith walks away) Derek: (To Bailey) You know, they call you the Nazi. Bailey: So I've heard. (Derek and Bailey walk away in opposite directions.) (Annie Connors room, Burke and Alex are there. Mrs. Connors is making the bed. ) Burke: I won't lie to you. The surgery is going to be long and difficult, but we have an extremely capable surgical team, and I can... Annie: Am I going to die? Burke: There's always that risk but if we don't do the surgery... Annie: I'll definitely die. Burke: Yes. Annie: Soon? Burke: Yes. Annie: Mom, the room's clean. Mrs. Connors: Ok, honey, ok. Annie: Mom! Mrs. Connors: She'll have the surgery. Annie: Mom! Mrs. Connors: No. No, Annie. She will have the surgery. Annie: I guess I'll have the surgery. Burke: I think that is a very wise decision. Annie: On one condition. I don't want him there. (Points at Alex) Alex: I'm sorry, Annie. Did I upset you in some way? Annie: If he's in the surgery, I'm not having it. (Pause while Burke and Alex look at her and each other) That's how I live with myself. Burke: Ok, Miss Connors. (Turns to leave) Dr. Karev. (Annie and her mom hold hands) (Burke and Karev walk through hallway) Burke: What the hell did you do? Alex: Nothing. I-I don't know. Man. The mike must have been on. I was talking to the tech guy... Burke: If anything goes wrong, anything, you are 60 percent more likely to be sued if you've offended the patient. 60%. Alex: I never would have said that stuff. The mike shouldn't have been on. I didn't realize she could hear me. Burke: Well, now you won't realize you chance to scrub in. You're banned from the OR. Mine or anyone else's. All week. (Cristina walks up) Cristina: I got the history on the tumor. It's been growing for a year and a half. A year and a half and it's the first time she's even had it looked at. It's like she's fatally lazy. (Burke walks away, shaking his head) Alex: Why doesn't she get banned? (Burke grabs George who is walking by) Burke: Go prep Annie Connors for surgery. You're scrubbing in with Cristina. George: Really? I mean, thank you. Ok. (George is in Annie Connor's room, prepping her for surgery) George: We just need to recheck your labs and get an EKG, so I just need to take a little blood. Dr. Burke is great, and Dr. Bailey. I know you're probably scared. Annie: That's ok, kitten. You can just do your job. You don't have to talk to the fat, nasty tumor lady. I mean, I let it get this bad. How much sympathy do I deserve? George: Why did you let it get this bad? Annie: You're the first person since I got here to ask me that. George: Well, I guess it's just like the elephant in the room. Annie: Elephant? George: I mean... Annie: It's more like a giant sow, don't you think? (They smile at each other) Every time I went to the hospital, someone died. All four of my grandparents, then my dad. My best friend's mom, my baby sister. They all went in, never came out. So I put it off. George: You know, you're not the only one to put things off. I mean I never do anything till the last possible minute. Annie: Like what? George: Well...I've had this thing for my roommate since, like, day one, and I just...I can't tell her. She probably wouldn't go out with me, anyway, but...How do I know that for sure, if I don't ever ask? Annie: Seriously? You're equating your pathetic love life with my record-breaking tumor? Seriously? (Scene: Outdoor lunch tables) Meredith: It's just that he blatantly favors me in front of her and then blatantly dismisses me. Cristina: How do you know he was favoring you? Look, you've got a brain. You got into this program. Just because Shepherd wants to munch your cookies doesn't mean you didn't deserve what you worked for. Meredith: But he's making me look bad. I have to end it. Cristina: Right. Meredith: It's over. Cristina: Uh, huh. Alex: Is it true you get to scrub in on that tumor? Cristina: Don't sit here. Izzie: You get to scrub in? How psyched are you? Cristina: On a scale of one to ecstatic, ecstatic. Alex: It's unbelievable. You know what I think? I think Burke wants to get into your scrubs. Cristina: Why are you sitting here? Alex: He kicked me off that surgery for the same crap you pull every day. Cristina: You know what. If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in trouble? Meredith: Not if you make it look like an accident. George: Hey! Izzie: Hi. Alex: Thank God, man. I'm drowning in estrogen here. George: (To Meredith) You look...is everything ok? Meredith: Shepherd's a jackass. Izzie: Really? I think he's kind of great. Cristina: He reamed her out in front of Bailey. Izzie: Why? Meredith: Cause he's a jackass. George: Oh. (Throws his tray) Well, bad days are...bad. Maybe tonight, uh, if, you know, if you drink alcohol, I mean, we could all of us, I mean, go out and drink alcohol...because of the bad day. Meredith: (Pager beeps) I got to go. Alex: Dude. George: Shut up. (Cristina and Alex laugh at George, Izzie pats his shoulder) (Mr. Levangie's room) Derek: How's your back? Mr. Levangie: Still good. Derek: Good. (To daughter) How are you? Good? (To Mr. Levangie) Can you lean forward for me? I just want to check something. Does that feel ok? Mr. Levangie: Yeah. Derek: Right here? (Meredith enters) Meredith: Did you page? Derek: Mr. Levangie, have you given any more thought about the other surgical options we discussed this morning? Mr. Levangie: What? Why would I? I already told you no. I'm letting you cut into my back, but that's not enough for you. All you guys ever want to do is cut. Ms. Levangie: Dad, just listen to what he has to say. Mr. Levangie: I already listened. Derek: Sir, there's a very small window of opportunity here. You know, once the Parkinson's progresses to a point of dementia, there's, you know, you're no longer a candidate for DBS. Mr. Levangie: and when I'm no longer a candidate, is that when you people will leave me the hell alone! What? Do I have to start drooling, and forget my name to get a little peace and quiet? Derek: All right. I'll check back with you later. Try to get some rest. (Derek walks away, Meredith lingers in the hall.) Ms. Levangie: Dad, you're being unreasonable. The doctors are only trying to help you. Mr. Levangie: It's my damn life, and it's my damn brain. You want me to let them cut up my brain while I'm lying her awake, for what? Ms. Levangie: Dad! Mr. Levangie: I'll be at your wedding. I will sit in the back. Your uncle will walk you down the aisle. I know it's not perfect, but it's life. Life is messy sometimes. Ms. Levangie: I know that. (Daughter leaves) Mr. Levangie: (To Meredith) If she knows, then what the hell are we still talking for, huh? Why in hell can't she drop it? Meredith: It is your life. But it's her life too. And you have a chance to get better here. And all she's asking you to do is try. (Meredith leaves) (Burke, George and Cristina are scrubbing in for Annie Connors' surgery.) Cristina: If they pull this off, I'm totally calling Oprah. (Bailey enters) Bailey: You two been working out? George: Um, sometime I jog, and I try to take the stairs whenever possible. (Derek enters) Cristina: Why? Bailey: See that large pile of tumor? You're going to be retracting it for the next 14 hours, so I'm just saying I hope you have strong backs. (Meredith enters) Meredith: Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Yes? Meredith: Mr. Levangie has agreed to DBS. If we do it today. If he leaves, he won't come back. Burke: Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. It'll take hours before we get around to the spine. I'll page you. Derek: All right, then. (Leaving) Let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith and Bailey are alone in the scrub room) Meredith: Dr. Bailey. I didn't know...that he was my boss, when I met him. I didn't know. Bailey: I don't care. Meredith: Really? Oh, well, you sort of seemed to not be talking to me, so I ... Bailey: You see this, what's happening right here? This is the problem with you sleeping with my boss. Not whether or not you know him before, but how it affects my day. And me standing here talking to you about your s*x life affects my day. And the longer this little fling goes on, the more favors you get over the others, who are fighting tooth and nail just to make it through this program without any assistance. When those people start finding out what's going on and they don't want to work with you and talk to you or look at you, and they start bitching and moaning at me, the more it affects my day. So, no, Dr. Grey, I don't care what you know, or when you know it. Are we understood? Meredith: Yes. Bailey: Good. (Meredith leaves and Bailey continues scrubbing in) (Seattle Scenes) (Hallway of SGH) Alex: This sucks. Izzie: Yeah well, I'm not a real fan of yours, either. Alex: Not you. This. Everyone is scrubbed in somewhere. Izzie: Bright side, we have the run of the floor. Alex: Great! Want to do it in the stairwell? I'm just saying you never know what could happen. (Patient in bed in hallway barfs on Alex) Alex: I'm changing. Izzie: I'll page you if I need you. Alex: You do that. Izzie: (To patient) You are so my favorite person today. (Annie's surgery) Nurse: We need to hang another bag of O-neg. Burke: Cauterizing the small bleeders to keep my visual field clean. George: (To Cristina) God, is your back killing you? Cristina: George, shut up. We're in here. (Izzie with Mrs. Harper in room) Izzie: Mrs. Harper, let me show you these chest films. We were able to relieve the obstruction of his chest tube, so the buildup of fluid you see should resolve itself soon. (Mrs. Harper looks lost) Which translates as he should be home in no time. Mrs. Harper: He was making waffles. Izzie: I'm sorry? Mrs. Harper: He was making waffles. He was missing batter, and...and then, he was on the floor. Nurse: Izzie, we need a central line run in 204. Izzie: Page Dr. Karev, will you? Nurse: He's not answering. Izzie: (To Mrs. Harper) I'm so sorry. I'll be back. (Alex is in locker room, takes his shirt off, there is a woman there.) Alex: Like what you see, right? (She leaves quickly, his beeper says "change battery") (Mr. Levangie's surgery) Nurse: Neuro sponge Derek: How you doing, Mr. Levangie? Mr. Levangie: All right. Nurse: Drill bit's charged. Mr. Levangie: Where's blondie? Meredith: I'm right here. Can't you see me? Mr. Levangie: I'm shaky. I'm not blind. Anything goes wrong here, I'm blaming you. Meredith: Ok, in that case, I'll stay where you can see me. Now we just have to drill a hole and try to find the spot that controls the motor function. Mr. Levangie: You can't see my brain from there. Aren't you supposed to be learning something? Meredith: I'm good, right here. (She holds his hands) Nurse: EEG waves look good. Derek: Ok, Mr. Levangie. Just take a couple deep breaths. Focus on the pretty girl. Ok, this is going to sound really scary, but try and relax. You shouldn't feel a thing. (Derek is drilling into his head) (Izzie with patient) Izzie: Any pain here? Here? Patient: No. Izzie: Ok. (Pager beeps) Tyler: Dr. Stevens, I need you to check the x-ray in 2103. 2118 needs post-op notes, and Jane's wondering if you want her to start feeding 2112. I'm going on break. Izzie: Ok, yeah, before you do that, could you page Dr. Karev again? Tyler: I already paged him. Izzie: Yeah, Again? (Alex enters gallery of Annie's surgery) Alex: Excuse me. How is it? Doctor: Long and slow. I don't envy those two. They've been holding that thing for eight hours. Their arms have to be ready to fall off. (Alex's pager's light is blinking) (OR) Burke: Look at the size of this artery. Bailey: My God. It's as thick as a thumb. You ever seen a vessel this size? Burke: No. This thing's just feeding on all her blood. Bailey: We need more O-negative. Nurse: I'll call the blood bank. (George stretches and drops the tumor) Burke: Damn it, O'Malley. Do you want me to kill this patient? George: No, I ...sorry. Burke: I mean, is the art of retracting just too much for you? George: No, I was, uh...um...I had an itch. (Gallery) Doctor: Way to go, George. Nicely done. (Mr. Levangie's OR. Doctor is having Mr. Levangie mimic her.) Doctor: Just keep trying, Mr. Levangie. Mimic my motions. You can do it. Meredith: You're doing great, Mr. Levangie. Just a little longer. Mr. Levangie: Oh, damn it! Doctor: Take a breath and try again. One more time, Mr. Levangie. Meredith: The probe is almost in. You'll know it when we find the right spot. (Mr. Levangie stops shaking and mimics the doctor.) Doctor: Well, how about that? Derek: There it is. Mr. Levangie: I'll be a son of a bitch. (Outside the OR, pushing Mr. Levangie to his room) Derek: Bailey was on the warpath. I was trying to protect you. Meredith: You trying to protect me is why she's on the warpath. You can't do me favors. You can't ask me to scrub in when I haven't earned it. Derek: Ok, ok. Meredith: And you can't treat me like crap when I haven't earned that either. Derek: Ok. Meredith: I can take care of myself. I got myself into this mess, and I... Derek: And you'll get yourself out? Meredith: I don't... know that yet. (Derek pager goes off, they arrive at the elevator) Meredith: Don't let me keep you. Derek: you did great work here today. Meredith: Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Yeah? Meredith: Sorry I called you a jackass. Derek: You didn't. Meredith: I did. Twice. Mr. Levangie: Tell you what, blondie. If you don't marry him, I will. (Izzie walking down stairs and enters hallway. Her pager goes off again.) (Mr. Harper's room) Mrs. Harper: No, no, no, Jimmy! No, no, Jimmy, no! Izzie: What we got? Nurse: Pressure plummeted to 64/22, and he has runs of V-tach that aren't perfusing. CVP is sky-high. Izzie: Give him dopamine, tin mikes. Tyler: He's already maxed out. The resident was here an hour ago but I can't reach him now. Izzie: Of course you can't. Mrs. Harper: Do something! What's the matter with you? Izzie: Get her out of here! Mrs. Harper: No, no! Nurse: Mrs. Harper, you have to get out of here. Izzie: Does he have a myocardial ischemia? Doctor: No, it's a clot. Big one. Izzie: Page someone. Doctor: It's tamponade. He'll be dead before they get here. Nurse: You have to open him up, right here, right now. Mrs. Harper: You said he was ok! Izzie: Get out of here now! Nurse: You have to cut. Izzie: I can't. I've never seen it done. I could kill him. Nurse: Do nothing, you'll kill him faster. What's your glove size? Izzie: Six. Oh, God. Oh, God. Nurse: Take a breath, Dr. Stevens. She has to move over there. Walter, move out of the way. (Izzie gets ready to cut Mr. Harper open) Cut the stitches and then the staples. Don't let them fall into the chest cavity. Izzie: Wait. I've never cracked a chest before. Oh, God. Oh, God. Nurse: No pulse. Wide complex rhythm. Izzie: I can't get this clot out. I need more suction. I need more. Nurse: He's bradying down. You have to get the clot out. Izzie: I can't get it. Screw it. I'm using my hand. (Izzie reaches into the chest cavity and pulls out the clot) Nurse: Oh, God, look at the size of that clot. Izzie: Anything? Nurse: No. You have to massage the heart, doctor. (Izzie starts massaging the heart) Izzie: Come on. Come on. Come on, please. Come on, Mr. Harper. Nurse: We have a pulse. (Annie's surgery, Derek enters) Derek: how's it going? Burke: It's more intertwined than the studies made it look. Bailey: Hang another bag, call the blood bank. We need more O-negative. Burke: I'm down 10 units of blood and I haven't even flipped her yet. Derek: Oh, wow. Look at that. Now how am I supposed to get around that artery? All right, then. Forceps. (Meredith enters gallery) Meredith: God, it's unbelievable. Alex: Right. Meredith: How did she live like that? Alex: Watch what you say. You never know who's listening. (Laughs) Look at George. He looks like he's about to fall in. Meredith: Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem? Alex: Oh, you want to go out for a drink later and hear about my secret pain? Meredith: Does that line ever work for you? Alex: Sometimes. Meredith: Oh. Must be because you look like that. Alex: Like what? (Laughs) So is that a yes? Meredith: No. I can't. I'm seeing someone. Alex: Look, if you don't want to go out with me, just say so. No need to lie. Meredith: Oh, ok. Well, I don't want to go out with you. But I think I really might be seeing someone. (Izzie enters the OR) Izzie: Mr. Harper, the post-op heart patient in 2114. I had to open his sternotomy bedside. (Everyone turns to look at her with a look of awe.) Burke: You what? All: What? (Gallery Alex gets up to leave.) Izzie: He had cardiac tamponade. His chest films were clean this morning. It just... It happened fast. He was in PEA. There was no time. Derek: (To Burke) Go ahead. I got it. We're ok here. Burke: Ok. Derek: I need some retraction. Pull back on the retractor. (Izzie is in scrub room leaving, Alex walks in.) Alex: (Yelling) You opened a heart bedside and you couldn't even page me? What needed all the glory for yourself, right? Izzie: (Yelling) I paged you 50 times. Do you have any idea what I have been through? (Alex looks at his pager) Alex: Oh, man. The battery. I forgot to change it. Izzie: You forgot? You forgot?! (Izzie throws his pager on the floor, breaking it. She then starts jumping up and down on it.) Izzie: You are hateful! You are a hateful, hateful, lazy, arrogant, hateful man! Hateful! (Izzie leaves) (The OR could overhear Izzie and Alex.) Derek: Never a dull moment here at Seattle Grace. (Blood vessel burst, squirting blood all over Derek and Bailey.) Derek: Oh! Bailey: Oh, my God. Derek: Get right in there. Bailey: She can't afford to lose this much blood. We need more blood. Derek: Get me some suction here. I can't see what I'm doing. Clamp, clamp, clamp, please. Is there any blood in the rapid infuser? Nurse: We're waiting on two units. Derek: What do you mean, waiting? Bailey: Well, we didn't anticipate this much blood loss. Nurse: They're on their way. Bailey: We prepped a double supply. We've used it all. Derek: What did you cut? Bailey: Nothing. It just blew. She came in with too much damage. The artery walls are too weak. (Alex is watching from the scrub room) Alex: Annie, come on. Bailey: Ten units of O-negative. Derek: I cannot see. George, give me your hand. Push right down here. Pull it towards you. Suction! Suction! Nurse: The pressure's dropping. Derek: She needs blood. Where the hell is the blood?! (Alex runs out of scrub room) Derek: Somebody grab that. Push it back, George. Come on. (Everyone is breathless) Oh, God. Just squeeze it off right there. Here we go. (Alex running through hallway runs into a woman carrying blood) Alex: Is that O-Negative for OR 1? Nurse: Uh-huh, OR 1. Alex: OR 1, right? I got it! I got it! (Alex runs through the hall with the blood) Derek: Some suction, please, in here, now. Come on. We're losing her now. Look at this. Look at his. Come on. (Starts CPR) (Mrs. Connor's is waiting in the waiting room) (Derek is still performing CPR) Derek: Oh, come on! Come on! (More CPR) Come on! (Stops CPR) Time of death is 11:42. (Alex runs in with the blood) Alex: I got it. MVO: The early bird catches the worm. (Burke is closing Mr. Harper) MVO: A stitch in time saves nine. Burke: Messy. Izzie: I'm sorry. Burke: Don't be. You saved his life. (Bailey and George go to tell Mrs. Connors about Annie) MVO: He who hesitates is lost. (Mrs. Connors covers her face, crying) (Mr. Levangie and Meredith are walking through the hall towards his daughter.) MVO: We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometime we have to see for ourselves. (Cristina is in on-call room stretching. Burke enters) Burke: I'm not doing you any more favors. This was it. Cristina: (Scoffing) I've been holding up 50 pounds of tumor for the past 12 hours. My back's going to need traction, and the patient died anyways. And you think you did me a favor? Burke: Look, I'm just...What is this...that we're doing here? What is it? Cristina: You need a definition? You really want to be that guy? MVO: We have to make our own mistakes. Burke: Lock the door. MVO: We have to learn our own lessons. (Alex and George walking through a hall) George: Have you seen Meredith? Alex: Save yourself the misery, man. She's off the market. George: What? No, that's not... We're just friends. Alex: Whatever. George: But she's not. I mean, if she was seeing someone, I live with her, I would know it. (George is home, carrying two beers to Meredith's room. He knocks only to find the door ajar and her not inside.) MVO: We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. (Meredith is standing in the rain when Derek emerges from the hospital.) MVO: That waking is better than sleeping. Meredith: I, um, know this place where there's an amazing view of sunrise over the ferryboats. (She pulls a bottle of wine out of her bag) Derek: I have a thing for ferryboats. Meredith: I remember. (He opens the car door for her; she leans across and opens his door.) MVO: And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

Alex gains the trust of Annie, a nervous patient with an extraordinarily large tumor, only to humiliate himself in front of her later. Meanwhile Derek chooses Meredith to assist with an elderly Parkinson's patient who may need surgery -- but Bailey disapproves of their relationship and is determined to make Meredith suffer -- and tensions escalate between Burke and Shepherd.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_11x18

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_11x18_0

THE MONSTER OF PELADON BY: BRIAN HAYLES PART FOUR 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (GEBEK hears the miner's cries and runs to the DOCTOR who has the junction box open and is re-fixing the wires within.) GEBEK: Doctor? Can you hear? Back there - down the mine! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, stop worrying. I've just got one more connection to make. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. MINE TUNNEL (Screaming, both guards and miners run at full tilt down a tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY GEBEK: They're coming this way, Doctor! (The DOCTOR wraps two wires together and within the junction box, a red and orange light both flash.) DOCTOR: That should do it. It should open now. (They turn to the refinery door. It opens - and an armed Ice Warrior steps out! The DOCTOR and GEBEK look at each other in amazement. Another Ice Warrior - SSKEL - steps forward behind the first.) SSKEL: Do not move. You are my prisoners. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (The observers in the communications room see the Ice Warriors on the monitor.) SARAH: What are those things? ALPHA CENTAURI: Natives of the planet Mars. Your friend, the Doctor, calls them Ice Warriors, but... (Behind them, an Ice Lord, AZAXYR, walks into the room, his green glittering cloak billowing behind him.) ALPHA CENTAURI: ...I thought they were still in orbit? AZAXYR: Greetings, Ambassador. (They spin round. SARAH gasps at the sight of this new alien.) AZAXYR: This planet is now under martial law. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. MINE TUNNEL (ETTIS has returned to the other miners who have now calmed down after the appearance of Aggedor. PREBA has relayed news of the latest events to him...) PREBA: The girl brought him a message. There was to be a secret meeting with the Queen. ETTIS: And he believed her? He's walked straight into a trap. MINER: What are we gonna do? ETTIS: Nothing. PREBA: Nothing? You speak as if he were already dead. ETTIS: Dead, or a prisoner of Ortron, or a prisoner of the Federation - what's the difference? PREBA: Well you're not just going to abandon him? ETTIS: What else should we do? PREBA: We can do for him what he would do for anyone of us - rescue him. MINER: Get him out! (The other miners yell in agreement.) ETTIS: Look - the Federation troops have landed! PREBA: We're not afraid of Federation troops. MINER: Anyway we've got our new weapons. ETTIS: Oh, alright, alright, it seems that we have to sacrifice our lives just to save Gebek from the results of his own stupidity. I only hope that you think that the price is worth it, Preba. Come on. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. THRONE ROOM (AZAXYR, the Ice Warriors, the DOCTOR, SARAH, ECKERSLEY, ALPHA CENTAURI, GEBEK and ORTRON have joined THALIRA in the throne room where the Ice Lord is conducting an inquiry into recent events...) AZAXYR: Let us see what has emerged. (He looks at a scowling ORTRON.) AZAXYR: You say that the miners have rebelled against their proper rulers... (He looks towards GEBEK.) AZAXYR: But, Gebek here, says that the nobles have cheated them of their rights. (He turns back to ORTRON.) AZAXYR: You say that the Doctor here is a spy and a saboteur. But the Ambassador says that he is an old and valued friend. (He walks past CENTAURI towards GEBEK.) AZAXYR: You say that your god appeared to you because he is angry, but the Doctor here is sure that the appearances are caused by trickery. DOCTOR: An excellent summing up, Commander Azaxyr. Do you know, you'd have made a very good judge? AZAXYR: You forget, Doctor, I am your judge, your jury and executioner too... (He turns to walk away but hesitates...) AZAXYR: ...perhaps. (SARAH looks concerned but the DOCTOR mouths a quiet assurance to her and smiles as AZAXYR approaches ECKERSLEY.) AZAXYR: Only Engineer Eckersley here says nothing and accuses nobody. ECKERSLEY: Look, all this argy-bargy's nothing to do with me. I came here to do a job. I just wish people would let me get on with it. AZAXYR: Excellent! A splendid example to you all! (He walks to the front of the group.) AZAXYR: Now listen to me - all of you. I am not concerned with the situation here on Peladon. One thing concerns me and one thing only - the Federation must have the trisilicate it needs. DOCTOR: Yes, but it's the situation on Peladon that is stopping you getting the trisilicate. AZAXYR: Precisely, Doctor, and let me suggest a simple solution. (He points a clamped hand at GEBEK.) AZAXYR: Your miners will return to work immediately. And they will work under armed guards... (He swings round and points at ORTRON.) AZAXYR: ...which you will provide. (ORTRON looks shocked.) AZAXYR: And if they refuse to work, they will be killed. GEBEK: (Passionately.) My miners are united and will defy you, Commander! ORTRON: (Angrily.) I refuse to allow my troops to kill their countrymen at the orders of an alien power! SARAH: (To the DOCTOR, quietly.) He was willing enough to do it on his own account. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) That was different. AZAXYR: (To SSKEL.) Have the hostages been taken? SSKEL: Yes, Commander. (AZAXYR turns to a silent and impassive Queen.) AZAXYR: Until the miners return to work, a number of selected hostages will be executed...each day. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. TUNNEL (The miners, armed with the Federation guns, approach the tunnel door which leads into the passages of the citadel. ETTIS, in the lead, stops and addresses his men...) ETTIS: Right. Now does everyone understand? Once Gebek is safe, we give the Federation an ultimatum; either they agree to all our demands or we destroy the citadel with the sonic lance - agreed? (The miners say "yes".) PREBA: As you say, Ettis, but only when Gebek is safe. (Without indicating his agreement, ETTIS pushes past him and lifts the torch bracket down to open the door. He then leads them through it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. PASSAGE (ETTIS pulls back the tapestry curtain and checks the corridor. Hearing someone approach, he goes back behind the curtain and waits. The GUARD CAPTAIN walks round the corner and ETTIS springs out, pointing the gun at him.) ETTIS: Silence! (PREBA and the other miners follow ETTIS out.) ETTIS: Now listen - where is Gebek, our leader? (The GUARD CAPTAIN hesitates. PREBA grabs him by the arm and starts to twist it up his back.) ETTIS: Speak or you die! GUARD CAPTAIN: He's in the throne room with the others. ETTIS: Right, take him away. (PREBA and another miner lead the GUARD CAPTAIN away having divested him of his sword. ETTIS and the other miners head for the throne room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. THRONE ROOM (An angry THALIRA is on her feet...) THALIRA: I protest, Commander. You are exceeding your authority. ALPHA CENTAURI: The Federation does not use such methods! AZAXYR: Not in time of peace, Ambassador, but this is war. Your Majesty, I have been authorised to use any methods to ensure our supplies of trisilicate. (SARAH speaks an aside to the DOCTOR.) SARAH: Isn't there some way you can help them, Doctor? DOCTOR: Commander Azaxyr? (The Ice Lord swings round and looks at the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Supposing these terror methods of yours don't work - what then? AZAXYR: Then we shall bring in Federation workers, Federation machinery and mine the trisilicate ourselves. THALIRA: (Firmly.) We will never allow that, Commander! GEBEK: (Shouts.) That's right, your Majesty! (To AZAXYR.) And if your try, every man, woman and child on Peladon will oppose you! ORTRON: To the death! You shall not rob Peladon while a living soul remains to defend it! DOCTOR: Do you see how they unite against you, Commander? It's no easy job holding down a hostile planet. AZAXYR: (Angrily.) If we cannot have the trisilicate, then our space fleet will blast your "hostile planet" into dust! (ORTRON and GEBEK look at each other in concern. The DOCTOR turns to them...) DOCTOR: I just wanted you to see what you were up against. (...and back to AZAXYR.) DOCTOR: Thank you, Commander Azaxyr. (AZAXYR hisses in anger as he realises he has been tricked into revealing his true nature. He recovers his composure.) AZAXYR: Naturally, we should prefer a peaceful... [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM (Outside the throne room, the armed miners turn the corner and approach the closed doors, listening to the conversation within.) AZAXYR: (OOV: Inside throne room.) ...solution. I hope it would not be necessary to resort to such extreme measures. (The miners push open the doors...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. THRONE ROOM (...and rush in, their guns raised.) ETTIS: Keep still, all of you! Gebek, come with us! AZAXYR: Destroy them! (The four Ice Warriors fire with their sonic hand weapons. The waves hit the miners and the air around them contracts as they scream and fall to the ground dead. Only ETTIS remains unharmed as he runs off out of the throne room. The DOCTOR, SARAH and GEBEK rush forward to see if there is anything they can do for the fallen men.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. PASSAGE (ETTIS reaches the safety of the tapestry curtain covering the secret entrance and goes through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. THRONE ROOM (AZAXYR goes up to where the DOCTOR and GEBEK are examining one miner. They look up at him with hatred. The Ice Lord turns to the throne where a shocked Queen stands with ORTRON and her handmaiden.) AZAXYR: Your Majesty, please accept my apology. This demonstration of our power was forced upon us. I trust another will not be necessary? (He turns back to the others.) AZAXYR: Sskel, take the Doctor and his companion to the communications room. (SSKEL lumbers towards the DOCTOR and SARAH.) AZAXYR: Ambassador, Engineer Eckersley, will you accompany them? (The two do as requested and follow the others out. AZAXYR walks past a scowling GEBEK and turns to bow to the Queen.) AZAXYR: Your Majesty. (He walks out. THALIRA and GEBEK run forward to be with GEBEK and his fallen men. ORTRON, united with GEBEK at last, looks at the miner.) ORTRON: We will be revenged. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (The group sent to the communications room gather there with SSKEL as ECKERSLEY walks in closely followed by AZAXYR. The Ice Lord walks straight up to the DOCTOR.) AZAXYR: I am not sure what to make of you, Doctor. I think perhaps it would be safer to accept Ortron's theory...and execute you as a spy. SARAH: You can't do that - we're not under your authority! (CENTUARI bustles forward and bravely wags one of its hands at AZAXYR.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Federation regulations do not permit summary execution! AZAXYR: (Harshly.) Must I remind you yet again, Ambassador, here on Peladon, I am the law?! (CENTAURI steps back nervously.) AZAXYR: (To the DOCTOR.) Yes, I think perhaps it would be safer to order your execution at once. DOCTOR: Don't I even get a trial? AZAXYR: Doctor, that was your trial. DOCTOR: Then I think you'd be very foolish to destroy the one person who could help you. AZAXYR: Meaning yourself, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. Gebek is the key...and I happen to be the only man that he trusts. SARAH: It's true. The Doctor saved Gebek's life. They've been working together. AZAXYR: (To ALPHA CENTAURI.) Is this true, Ambassador? ALPHA CENTAURI: (Eagerly.) Oh, yes! Yes, indeed. There was most certainly an association. AZAXYR: What is your opinion, Eckersley? ECKERSLEY: Yes, the Doctor could persuade Gebek to get the miners back to work. (AZAXYR considers for a moment, then...) AZAXYR: Very well then, Doctor. You may endeavour to persuade your friend, Gebek, to see reason - but if you fail, I shall be forced to resort to my original plan. You will be the first of the hostages to be executed. SARAH: Executed?! (AZAXYR ignores her outburst and turns to ECKERSLEY.) AZAXYR: Is the refinery in working order? ECKERSLEY: It's on shutdown at the moment. AZAXYR: You had better take me there. I wish to make a full inspection. ECKERSLEY: Very well, follow me. (They walk out of the room.) AZAXYR: There must be no further delays once the mines are started. ECKERSLEY: (OOV: In passage.) There won't be any delays... SARAH: (Angrily.) How about that Eckersley? Just as long as he gets his wretched machinery going, he doesn't care how it's done or who suffers! (The DOCTOR strokes her hair, calming her down.) DOCTOR: That's the professional attitude for you, Sarah. SARAH: Oh, why can't we just go home? DOCTOR: And leave all our friends in the lurch? In any case, Commander Azaxyr would never let us reach the TARDIS. SARAH: (Smiles.) Huh! DOCTOR: Even if we knew where it was. SARAH: (Smiles.) No, I suppose you're right. (The DOCTOR casts a look at the doorway where SSKEL has stationed himself as an imposing guard.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Erm, Sarah... SARAH: Mmm? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) You remember...the first time that you went down to the refinery? SARAH: Mmm? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) You told me that you saw something? SARAH: (Quietly.) Yes? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Well, er, go and take a close look at Sskel. SARAH: (Quietly, puzzled.) Sskel? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) The Ice Warrior. SARAH: Okay. (She walks towards the doorway as if to leave the room. SSKEL walks forward to block her.) SSKEL: You will not leave! (A look of revelation appearing on her face, SARAH returns to the DOCTOR.) SARAH: (Quietly.) It was him! ALPHA CENTAURI: (Whispers.) That's impossible. The Commander and his troops have only just arrived. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) No, Sarah is absolutely right. Those two were in the refinery all the time. ALPHA CENTAURI: (Whispers.) Why? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Because Commander Azaxyr isn't acting on behalf of the Federation at all. He's up to something on his own. ALPHA CENTAURI: (Whispers.) This is appalling! It is treason! DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, that's right. (He raises his voice...) DOCTOR: Right, well I must go and contact Gebek. (He goes towards the door. Again SSKEL walks forward to stop him.) SSKEL: Where are you going, Doctor? DOCTOR: Now come on, Sskel. You heard what the Commander said - I'm to go and see Gebek, and get him to persuade his miners to go back to work. Now he can't talk to them unless I talk to him - can he? (SSKEL considers and then steps back to allow the DOCTOR to leave. However, he follows him down the passage leaving SARAH and ALPHA CENTAURI free to talk.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Commander Azaxyr's behaviour is most reprehensible. (SARAH signals to CENTAURI to keep as quiet as possible.) ALPHA CENTAURI: I shall report him to the Federation. SARAH: Okay. (SARAH steps briskly and closes the doors to the communications room as ALPHA CENTAURI goes over to the communications console.) ALPHA CENTAURI: He will be removed from his position and punished. (SARAH joins CENTAURI as he switches on the unit.) SARAH: It's funny he didn't think of that. (CENTAURI grasps the microphone and almost yells down it, causing SARAH to become extremely nervous.) ALPHA CENTAURI: (Into microphone.) This is the Federation Ambassador on Peladon. I wish to send an urgent message to Federation HQ. (The only reply is a harsh electronic drone.) ALPHA CENTAURI: The circuit is being jammed! It must be Azaxyr's spaceships in orbit round the planet! SARAH: So he did think of it after all. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. THRONE ROOM (The bodies of the dead miners have been taken out of the throne room. GEBEK is still there with THALIRA and ORTRON.) ORTRON: (To THALIRA.) If only they hadn't taken the Doctor off to the commun... (He stops as the DOCTOR walks in escorted by SSKEL.) DOCTOR: Wait there, Sskel, I won't be a moment. (SSKEL waits near to the door as the DOCTOR crosses to the three Peladonians.) GEBEK: Doctor, are you alright? THALIRA: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Your Majesty. (He bows.) DOCTOR: Now listen to me, Gebek, we haven't got much time. I want your miners to cooperate by going back to work. ORTRON: (Outraged.) Why never! We shall fight the invaders together! GEBEK: Yes, Doctor. Ortron and I are agreed. From the death of the first hostage, it will be war. THALIRA: Our people would sooner die than be enslaved! DOCTOR: Well, it's nice to see the Peladonians all on the same side for once. (He steals a glance at SSKEL and then lowers his voice.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) I don't mean really cooperate. I want the miners to pretend to cooperate to give us time to deal with the Ice Warriors. GEBEK: (Quietly.) Yes, they would if they understood what was happening. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Then you'll have to make them understand, won't you? Forgive us, your Majesty. (He bows again.) DOCTOR: (To GEBEK.) Come on, we haven't got much time. (He walks towards the door.) DOCTOR: Sskel? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The miners are assembled in one of the mine tunnels as GEBEK, with the DOCTOR stood next to him, addresses them under the watchful eye of SSKEL and the Ice Warriors.) GEBEK: Friends - I'm one of you. I always have been. And believe me, nothing I say now will ever change that. I'm here because Commander Azaxyr knows you trust me and that you'll do whatever I tell you to do - the same way you've always done exactly what Chancellor Ortron tells you to do. (The miners look at each other.) GEBEK: Now, in spite of everything that's been happening, I want you to cooperate with the Federation troops. (The miners mutter between themselves.) GEBEK: We've discussed this matter with our good friend Ortron and he's in complete agreement. We are going to cooperate with Commander Azaxyr, in the same way that we have been cooperating with Ortron. (The miners smile slightly.) GEBEK: Oh, you remember how we cooperated over the Federation armoury, how we cooperated over the sonic lance! (The miner's smiles grow.) GEBEK: Well, that is the kind of cooperation we are now going to give Commander Azaxyr! (The miners mutter "aye".) GEBEK: Are you with me? (There are various cries of "yes!" and "right!" The DOCTOR pats GEBEK on the shoulder.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. PASSAGE (AZAXYR walks with the DOCTOR down one of the passages of the citadel back to the communications room. SSKEL follows. AZAXYR'S tone with the DOCTOR is approving.) AZAXYR: Congratulations, Doctor, most satisfactory. The miners are back at work and stocks are building up again. Eckersley tells me that the refinery will soon be in operation. (The DOCTOR pauses.) DOCTOR: I take it my death sentence has been lifted then? AZAXYR: Shall we say...suspended, Doctor? You live while you are useful. DOCTOR: Well, that's something, I suppose. AZAXYR: I still do not trust you, Doctor, but I think you have realised that your only chance of survival lies in full cooperation. DOCTOR: Oh, but of course. I've always been very keen on survival! (AZAXYR looks coldly at the DOCTOR'S smiling face and then carries on down the passage.) AZAXYR: Until I have decided your final fate, you will remain in the communications room. (They reach that room and AZAXYR gestures for him to enter.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (SARAH, sat down, jumps up in relief at his return.) SARAH: Doctor! AZAXYR: Do not attempt to leave. (The DOCTOR gives AZAXYR a short bow and shuts the doors on him and SSKEL.) DOCTOR: So much for stage one. (He crosses to the main console and a series of switches with thermometer-like gauges marked "HEATING MONITOR SYSTEM".) DOCTOR: Now for stage two, I think. SARAH: You be careful, Doctor. If Azaxyr thinks you're double-crossing him, he'll kill you. DOCTOR: My dear Sarah, Azaxyr will kill me anyway as soon as he finds I'm no longer useful. Just a question of my getting rid of him before he gets rid of me. SARAH: Well, what are you gonna do? DOCTOR: Warm things up a little. (He presses each of the switches.) DOCTOR: One thing Ice Warriors can't stand...is heat! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. MINE TUNNEL (With their old-fashioned picks and shovels, the miners toil at the rock under the watchful eye of the Ice Warriors. A thermometer, soon to show a rise in temperature, is attached to a wall. SSKEL is there and he is starting to sway a little on his feet. As a MINER works, ETTIS appears behind him in a supported hole in the rock. He hisses at the MINER and signals to him to join him on the other side of the hole. The MINER checks and then climbs through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. ANOTHER MINE TUNNEL ETTIS: What's happening? Why is everybody working again? MINER: Ah, Gebek told us to. ETTIS: Gebek? MINER: He came down here and made a speech. Said we should all cooperate. ETTIS: I knew it - he's gone soft. MINER: No, you don't understand. See, it's a trick. Gebek's got a plan. ETTIS: (Angrily.) Yes, he's betrayed us! He's gone onto their side! MINER: He'd never do that. ETTIS: Yes, well, I've got a plan as well. I've got the sonic lance hidden in a cave on Mount Megeshra. It overlooks the citadel. MINER: What are you going to do? ETTIS: Destroy it! Blow the whole place up! MINER: (Appalled.) The Queen's there! You'll be killing our own people! ETTIS: (Insanely.) That's right! Kill them! Kill them all - the Queen, the Chancellor, the guards - they all betrayed us! And kill the Ice Warriors - just the way they slaughtered us! MINER: You can't do that, Ettis - I won't let you! You've gone mad! I'm going to tell Gebek. (He turns back to the hole but ETTIS grabs him by the shoulder and thrusts a knife into his back. The MINER falls to the floor.) ETTIS: You'll tell no one! (ETTIS rushes off to carry out his plan.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (The temperature gauges on the console are all at a far higher level.) DOCTOR: I think things should be heating up nicely now. SARAH: Well, yes, but...what'll happen to them? DOCTOR: Well, if they don't get out of the mines, they'll get groggier and groggier until... SARAH: They collapse? DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Right! [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK walks down the tunnel. He stops to observe SSKEL who is swaying even more now and then calls out...) GEBEK: Keep at it, lads! Mustn't let the Federation down! (A miner grins at the double-message and wheels a barrow full of rock away. GEBEK looks at another Ice Warrior who is obviously also in some discomfort and then crosses to the waiting GUARD CAPTAIN.) GEBEK: Won't be long now. The men ready? GUARD CAPTAIN: They're ready - just as soon as you give the signal. (GEBEK nods and walks away. As he observes his men at work, SSKEL staggers up to him.) SSKEL: It...is hot. Why is it...so hot? GEBEK: Because we're underground and underground is always hot. We have a saying on Peladon - "If you can't stand the heat, keep out of the mine." (He crosses back to the GUARD CAPTAIN with a grin on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. THRONE ROOM (In the throne room, as ALPHA CENTAURI watches, ORTRON reports on the plan to THALIRA.) ORTRON: And as soon as Gebek gives the signal, our troops will join with the miners and attack the Federation troops. THALIRA: Will it work? It sounds dangerous. ALPHA CENTAURI: It's been conceived by the Doctor. He has fought the Ice Warriors before. (THALIRA hurriedly changes the subject as AZAXYR walks into the room.) THALIRA: Ah, Commander... AZAXYR: Your Majesty. THALIRA: We have just been informing the Ambassador that we intend to make a formal complaint to the Federation about your violation of our planetary sovereignty. AZAXYR: I regret to hear that, your Majesty. THALIRA: We demand immediate access to Federation authorities. AZAXYR: At the moment, that is impossible. This whole planet is under a communications seal until the emergency is over. THALIRA: But surely it is over now? AZAXYR: I think we will wait a little longer. THALIRA: The miners have returned to work. AZAXYR: (Softly.) Yes, but the settlement has come so easily...that I distrust it. And now, if you will excuse me, your Majesty? (He bows and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK watches the Ice Warriors. They are swaying even more. He picks up a pit-prop.) GEBEK: Now lads! (He swings it at one Ice Warrior while the GUARD CAPTAIN takes on SSKEL. They are joined by the other miners and guards who also attack the Martians with picks, shovels and whatever other implements come to hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (The DOCTOR and SARAH watch this on one of the monitors in the communications room.) DOCTOR: Right, it's time we were going, I think. (He heads for the door.) SARAH: (Worried.) Oh, it doesn't look very safe. DOCTOR: Won't be very safe up here once Commander Azaxyr finds out what we've been up to. (He opens the door and shouts into the passage.) DOCTOR: Come in here a minute. (An Ice Warrior comes into the room and the DOCTOR leads him over to the monitor.) DOCTOR: Look, see what's going on down in the mines. (As the Ice Warrior starts to watch the scene down in the mine, the DOCTOR takes SARAH by the hand and they run out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. PASSAGE (They head straight for the tapestry covering to the secret entrance. The DOCTOR adjusts the torch bracket.) SARAH: But he'll go straight to Azaxyr. DOCTOR: Good, the more warriors he sends down the mines, the better. (SARAH goes behind the tapestry first.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. TUNNEL (The DOCTOR follows her through and adjusts the bracket on the other side.) SARAH: What do we do when they're all down the mines? DOCTOR: Well, lead a party of Peladonians back up here and recapture the citadel. SARAH: Ah, quite the little Napoleon, aren't we? DOCTOR: Come on. (SARAH laughs as they run off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The battle in the mine is in full swing as both guards and miners alike continue to club at the Ice Warriors with whatever weapons they can lay their hands on. With several Peladonians to each Ice Warrior, the natives are starting to win. The MINER attacked by ETTIS has crawled through to the main tunnel and lies wounded against the rock face. He manages to call out to GEBEK...) MINER: Gebek...Geb... GEBEK: Rima! (GEBEK runs over to help the little man who is wincing with the pain of his stab wound.) GEBEK: Is it bad? MINER: Ah, it was Ettis. He's stabbed me. GEBEK: Ettis? MINER: Oh, he's gone mad. He's got the sonic lance in a cave on Mount Megeshra. He's gonna blow up...the citadel. GEBEK: He must be stopped! Now you rest there. I'll be back as soon as I can. (Meanwhile, the miners club SSKEL into a corner where part of the ceiling caves in on him. The DOCTOR and SARAH enter the area and run up to GEBEK.) GEBEK: You alright, Doctor? DOCTOR: How are we faring? GEBEK: Ettis has the sonic lance in a cave on Mount Megeshra. DOCTOR: (Appalled.) What? GEBEK: He threatens to blow up the citadel. I've got to stop him. DOCTOR: No, no, you stay here. You're the only one they'll follow - I'll go. GEBEK: Well you don't know the way? DOCTOR: Well tell me. (GEBEK points off into the distance.) GEBEK: Well, continue down to the end of this tunnel... DOCTOR: Yeah. GEBEK: Into the big cavern and the path to the cave is on the other side. DOCTOR: Alright. (GEBEK hands him one of the guard's swords.) GEBEK: You'd better take this. You may need it. DOCTOR: Thank you. Look after Sarah for me. SARAH: What? Oh! (Before she can react further, the DOCTOR has gone.) GEBEK: Come on, Sarah. (He takes her round the corner to where the wounded MINER lies.) GEBEK: You look after, Rima. SARAH: Oh. GEBEK: I must get back to the mine. SARAH: Okay. (She takes off her jacket to lay it across the man as GEBEK walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. ANOTHER MINE TUNNEL (Sword in hand, the DOCTOR runs down a deserted tunnel in the direction indicated.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. MINE TUNNEL (An Ice Warrior lies on the ground as the Peladonians club at his still form.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. ANOTHER MINE TUNNEL (The DOCTOR runs onwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The miner is now unconscious. SARAH tries to keep him warm as a large green form comes up behind her - it is SSKEL, escaped from the battle. He taps SARAH on the shoulder and she gasps as he turns.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. CAVE OVERLOOKING CITADEL (ETTIS stands by the sonic lance which is still trained on the citadel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The DOCTOR continues towards the cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (SSKEL has taken SARAH back to the communications room and virtually throws SARAH in. AZAXYR and ALPHA CENTAURI are there watching the battle on the monitor.) AZAXYR: Ah, the Doctor's companion. (CENTUARI rushes across to her...) ALPHA CENTAURI: Sarah! Are you alright? (...but SSKEL pushes her back.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Oh... AZAXYR: (To SARAH.) Tell me - where is the Doctor? (SARAH shakes her head in defiance. SSKEL pushes her into a seat and aims his sonic weapon at her.) AZAXYR: You will tell me! [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. CAVE OVERLOOKING CITADEL (ETTIS is setting the controls on the sonic lance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. TUNNEL (The DOCTOR runs along the last stretch of tunnel...) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. CAVE OVERLOOKING CITADEL (...and into the cave.) DOCTOR: Ettis! Come away from that thing. ETTIS: No, I'm gonna blow up the citadel! Kill those Federation butchers! DOCTOR: If you use that sonic lance...you'll be killing your own Queen and a lot of your own people. Now most of the Ice Warriors are in that mine. The Peladonians are fighting them, Ettis. Soldiers and miners together - and they're winning! (ETTIS stares at him with a wild look in his eyes.) ETTIS: I don't believe you! It's a trick! (Smiles.) You're working for them! You've sold out! You're like Gebek and the rest of them! (He turns back to the controls of the lance but the DOCTOR slams his sword down in his way.) DOCTOR: Ettis! (ETTIS reaches for his own sword and a fight breaks out between the two. ETTIS proves just as skilful with the blade as the DOCTOR as they each parry thrusts.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (AZAXYR looms over SARAH.) SARAH: I...I tell you the Doctor's trying to save all our lives! AZAXYR: I do not believe you. SARAH: One of the rebels, Ettis, has a sonic lance trained on the citadel! AZAXYR: I know. (AZAXYR crosses to the monitors.) AZAXYR: Our detection devices pinpointed the position of the sonic lance as soon as we arrived. (SARAH follows him.) SARAH: Well, he's going to blow this whole place up unless the Doctor can stop him. (AZAXYR switches on the monitor. It shows the scene of the swordfight between the DOCTOR and ETTIS.) SARAH: Oh! AZAXYR: Ah. It appears you were telling the truth. Yes, your friend, the Doctor, fights well. ALPHA CENTAURI: But what if Ettis prevails? AZAXYR: Do not distress yourself, Ambassador. The sonic lance has a self-destruct circuit...which I have already pre-set by remote control. If the rebel should try to fire it, it will destroy itself. It will, of course, kill all those in the area. (SARAH looks up from the monitor in shock at the Ice Lord.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. CAVE OVERLOOKING CITADEL (The DOCTOR and ETTIS start to grapple with their swords in the middle of the cave. ETTIS kicks the back of the DOCTOR'S leg, knocking him to the ground. He stands on his sword before he can retrieve it and the DOCTOR rolls away to avoid the sudden thrust of ETTIS' free sword downwards. He gets to his feet but unarmed now, he has to avoid each deadly jab of ETTIS'S sword. He manages to grab his arm and throw the man down, dislodging the sword from his grasp and throwing it across the cave.) DOCTOR: Come on, Ettis, this is pointless. (ETTIS starts to clamber up.) ETTIS: Yes, Doctor, you're right. I am a fool! (He head butts the DOCTOR in the stomach. He falls to the ground. ETTIS picks him up and throws him into the rock face of the cave and then throws him over and onto the floor. The DOCTOR staggers to his feet and ETTIS knocks him back with an almighty punch to the face. He then starts to power up the lance. The DOCTOR manages to get back to his feet again...) DOCTOR: No, Ettis, no! (...only for ETTIS to land two more punches on him, once more knocking him to the ground. ETTIS returns to the lance and presses the firing switch. The cave is filled with a massive explosion...)

The Ice Warriors take control of the planet and force the miners to return to work but Ettis takes the opportunity to try and destroy the citadel.

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THE SEEDS OF DOOM BY ROBERT BANKS STEWART PART FIVE 6:45pm - 7:10pm [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Run! DOCTOR: Come on, don't waste your bullets! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Block the door. SCORBY: Yeah, come on. DOCTOR: Quietly! SCORBY: How do you do it, Doctor? You should be compost by now. DOCTOR: We'll all be compost if we don't keep away from that Krynoid. SCORBY: Krynoid? Is that what that thing is? SARAH: Yes. It used to be called Keeler. Remember Keeler, your friend? Now do you see what we're up against? SCORBY: That's Keeler? DOCTOR: Yes. SCORBY: Yeah. CHASE (OOV.): Scorby, what was that firing? SCORBY: That Krynoid thing, Mister Chase. It's got us trapped in the cottage. [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: You idiots. Listen to me. Whatever happens, it must not be harmed. Is that clear? [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: Mister Chase, you don't understand. It's eight foot high and its already killed Dunbar. [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: I don't care who it's killed. People are replaceable, Scorby. The Krynoid is unique. It must not be damaged in any way. That's an order. [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: Mister Chase, I am not getting through to you DOCTOR: Give it to me. Chase, try and understand one thing. The Krynoid is an uncontrollable carnivore that's getting bigger and more powerful by the minute. Now (beep) Chase? Chase! Arrogant fool. SARAH: Where is it now? DOCTOR: I don't know. SARAH: What are we going to do? SCORBY: Is it going to keep on growing? How big's it going to get? DOCTOR: Oh, about the size of Saint Paul's Cathedral. After that, it'll multiply itself a thousand-fold until it takes over your entire planet. SCORBY: Get back! Stay back! DOCTOR: You don't scare us, Keeler. You hear? You don't scare us! (to Scorby) Do you think he believed us? KRYNOID (OOV.): The human was Keeler. Now us. Now belongs. SARAH: It speaks! DOCTOR: It can think. KRYNOID (OOV.): You, Doctor. Come out now. Join us. SCORBY: You seem to have been singled out for special attention, Doctor. SARAH: It's afraid he'll find a way to destroy it. DOCTOR: Yes. It does seem to sense my knowledge of alien species, particularly the Krynoid. KRYNOID (OOV.): Send the Doctor to us. Your lives will then be spared. SCORBY: You'd better think of something pretty quickly, hadn't you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, Scorby, take no notice of it. I've heard that one before. SCORBY: It sounds a pretty fair deal to me. How about it, Doctor? You'd lay down your life for others, wouldn't you? SARAH: Not to save your skin. Not after what you did to us. SCORBY: This is different. SARAH: Why is it different? SCORBY: He'd be sacrificing himself for you, for all of us. SARAH: What, because you're involved, it's your life DOCTOR: Excuse me! Would you mind if I said something? SARAH: And you'd better listen, because nobody else knows how to fight that creature. KRYNOID (OOV.): Hear this, humans. You have till daybreak to deliver the Doctor. SCORBY: Why wait? Why not now? DOCTOR: Scorby, if I die, you die. SCORBY: I'll take a chance on that. DOCTOR: There is no chance! By daybreak the Krynoid'll be large enough to crush this entire cottage to rubble. If I could get outside there'd be some hope for all of us. SCORBY: Why don't I just throw you out? DOCTOR: It would make no difference! We need a bomb. Scorby, could you make a bomb? Could you make a fire bomb of some kind? SCORBY: What for? DOCTOR: To distract the Krynoid while we all slip away. SCORBY: Molotoff cocktail? DOCTOR: Yes, that's a good idea. SCORBY: Okay, leave it to me. You keep watch. [SCENE_BREAK] THACKERAY: Come on, come on. Not exactly rushing themselves, are they. AMELIA: Perhaps we should have gone back into the grounds? THACKERAY: Too dangerous. I wonder what has happened to Dunbar? AMELIA: Mmm. Of course, there were these armed men running about. THACKERAY: Must have been quite terrifying. AMELIA: Not a bit. I enjoyed it. I like a little excitement. Besides, I have some wartime experience, you know. Oh yes. I was a sergeant in the ATS. Manned an ack-ack gun at Folkestone. THACKERAY: Indeed. (into phone) Yes, yes. This is Sir Colin Thackeray. I am aware that the Brigadier is in Geneva. I must speak to a senior officer. This is a matter of national security. Yes, national security. AMELIA: Invent a codeword. They love that. What about Operation Nuthouse? THACKERAY: What, Major Beresford? Well, right, get him down here fast! Thank you! AMELIA: Bravo. THACKERAY: What a nit-wit. AMELIA: That's the stuff to give 'em. After all, our taxes pay for these wretched civil servants and you can never get hold of them when you want them, can you. THACKERAY: I'm a civil servant, Miss Ducat. AMELIA: Then you know exactly what I mean, of course. THACKERAY: Of course. Well now, I think it's time you ran along and got some sleep. AMELIA: Oh, I'm not sleepy. THACKERAY: Thank you very much for all you've done. AMELIA: Not at all. I do hope you'll be able to get some help to the Doctor and that dear child, that little girl THACKERAY: Yes. AMELIA: Before it's too late. THACKERAY: We'll do our best. Yes, thank you. AMELIA: Consider me available for any future assignments, Sir Colin. THACKERAY: Oh, yes, yes, I will, yes. AMELIA: Au revoir. THACKERAY: Thank you very much. [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: Botanical history, Hargreaves. These'll be the first pictures ever taken of an alien organism. HARGREAVES: That thing, sir. You will be careful, won't you? CHASE: Why? I have nothing to fear from the Krynoid. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Scorby, can I rely on you? SCORBY: For the moment, Doctor. SCORBY: I'll check the position of the Krynoid. DOCTOR: Clear this door. Quietly! SCORBY: Stand by. [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: The fools. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Okay, it worked. It's gone after him. SCORBY: Okay, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: Chase! Any sign? SARAH: No. SCORBY: Hargreaves, come here. Where's Chase? HARGREAVES: Mister Chase has gone out to take some photographs. SCORBY: Photographs? What's he playing at? Well, listen. I've posted lookouts but they're not going to stay very long. Get over to the workshop, help get some timber. We've got to board up all these ground floor windows. HARGREAVES: If you say so. SARAH: Well, I heard the car move off, so the Doctor must have got away. SCORBY: He's no fool, your friend. He's escaped, we're still trapped. SARAH: But he went to get help. You know he went to get help. You were there. SCORBY: Sure. SARAH: Listen. The Doctor's not just concerned about saving his own skin. He's risked his life before for others. Unlike you, he has principles. SCORBY: Oh, yeah? Well you listen to me. Now there's just the two of us, so you've got to rely on me. So don't push your luck, because if you do, I'll start again exactly where I left off. Understood? SARAH: You're as mad as Chase, Scorby. Other people don't matter. All these guards, all these guns, it's just a big game to you, isn't it? Gives you a sense of power. You're not complete unless you've got a gun in your hand. [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: No. No, not me. I want to help. Keeler, you know me. I want to help you. [SCENE_BREAK] BERESFORD: Sir Colin, you do understand that without clear evidence I will not mount a raid on someone's private property. THACKERAY: I agree. Without further evidence, we're stuck. MAN: You cannot go in. Sir Colin is in conference. DOCTOR: Out, out, out. MAN: Really! DOCTOR: What have you decided, Major Beresford? BERESFORD: Doctor, I've been telling Sir Colin that without the proper authority I will not mount a raid on someone's private property. DOCTOR: Waffle! Waffle, waffle, waffle! Where's the Brigadier? DOCTOR: He's busy. THACKERAY: He's in Geneva. BERESFORD: I'm deputising. DOCTOR: And you can't act without authority. BERESFORD: Look, I'm in a very difficult position. What exactly is going on down there? DOCTOR: Revolution's going on down there. THACKERAY: Revolution. Come now, Doctor. Are you choosing your words with care? DOCTOR: Somehow the Krynoid can channel its power to other plants. All the vegetation on this planet is about to turn hostile. THACKERAY: You mean like aggressive rhubarb? DOCTOR: Yes, aggressive rhubarb. BERESFORD: What about homicidal gooseberries? THACKERAY: You are joking, of course, Doctor. DOCTOR: No, I'm not joking. Read this report. I just snatched it from your secretary. Go on, read it. Aloud. THACKERAY: Gardener aged fifty five found strangled in rose arbour. Agricultural worker found strangled in kale field. DOCTOR: You. BERESFORD: Thirty two year old woman strangled in a garden maze. DOCTOR: This bit. BERESFORD: And all within a mile of Chase's estate. THACKERAY: Well, that's it, then. DOCTOR: Shall we get started, gentlemen? [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Oh, Doctor. You all right? So, what's happening? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Things are moving at last. Sir Colin's seen the light and Major Beresford's getting a laser gun team together. That should stop the Krynoid. I'm on my way back with a Sergeant Henderson. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Well, make it soon. The Krynoid's still lurking around outside the house somewhere. Scorby? Oh, don't worry, we're great friends. Well, uneasy allies. SARAH: Doctor? Doctor? Hello? Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: Yes. Yes. The plants must win. It will be a new world, silent and beautiful. [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: What's the matter with you? What are you doing down there? SARAH: I was talking to the Doctor, the line went dead and those vines smashed the panes. SCORBY: Oh, come on. SARAH: No, look, they are getting thicker. SCORBY: Yeah, you're right. They're only plants. SARAH: So how did the glass break? SCORBY: How am I supposed to know? Maybe it was the ghost of Sir Bothwell Chase. He's supposed to haunt this place. SARAH: Why can't you believe me? SCORBY: Because it doesn't make sense, that's why. SARAH: It's the Krynoid. It's controlling them. SCORBY: How can it? SARAH: I don't know. The Doctor will, and he's on his way back. Yes, that surprises you, doesn't it, even more than the Krynoid. But it's true. Have a little faith, Scorby. HARGREAVES: Scorby, all the guards have left. I think they've made a run for it. SCORBY: Typical. Just like a bunch of women. HARGREAVES: And I heard screams from the west garden but I didn't go out. SARAH: Let's take a look. SCORBY: Look, we'd better stay put. SARAH: He just said he heard a scream. Obviously someone is in trouble. SCORBY: Well, what can we do with that thing roaming about out there? SARAH: What was that you just said about women? [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: He's been strangled by the vine. SARAH: Oh come on, Doctor. Where are you? CHASE: I've taken some fascinating photographs. Quite fascinating. SCORBY: Look, we're in real trouble. These plants are taking over. CHASE: And why not? It's their world. We're merely parasites. I must get these photographs developed. SCORBY: He's out of his head. He's really gone. SARAH: He must have been gone for years, if you ask me. [SCENE_BREAK] CHASE: Listen to me, my beautiful friends. Listen to me. A new era dawns upon the Earth. You will be restored to your position of dominance. [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: Hargreaves, where's Chase now? HARGREAVES: He's in there. I believe he's talking to his plants. SCORBY: I don't care about that. Get out of the way. [SCENE_BREAK] SCORBY: Chase! CHASE: We shall have perfection. The world will be as it should have been from the beginning, a green paradise. SCORBY: Chase, listen to me. CHASE: A harmony of root, stem, leaf, flower. SCORBY: Chase! SARAH: It's no good. He can't hear you. SCORBY: What's the matter with him? HARGREAVES: He's not himself. SARAH: He's in some sort of a trance. SCORBY: Chase, you've got to listen to me. If we don't do something, we're going to be trapped here. Those precious plants of yours are starting to kill people. CHASE: The time has come. Animals have ruled this planet for millions of years. Now it is our turn. SCORBY: What do you mean, your turn? You're one of us, Chase. SARAH: He's not. At least, not in his mind. You hate us, don't you? CHASE: Of course. Animals are the enemy. SARAH: You want to see us all die. CHASE: It is only a matter of time. SCORBY: Come on, Hargreaves, we've got to lock him away. HARGREAVES: Scorby, he's ill! Leave him alone. SARAH: Scorby, they're moving. The plants, they're moving! CHASE: Don't resist us, Scorby. You must die. All plant eaters must die. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, Sergeant. HENDERSON: How do we get in? It's all boarded up. DOCTOR: Break in. DOCTOR: One, two, three. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Sergeant! CHASE: Stop it! Stop it, murderers! Stop it. CHASE: You'll pay for this, animal fiends! DOCTOR: Come on. HENDERSON: This one's dead, Doctor. DOCTOR: Come on, let's get out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: The doors. HENDERSON: How do you feel? SARAH: I feel like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards. SCORBY: What is that stuff? HENDERSON: Latest military defoliant. Still on the secret list. Pity we've used it all. DOCTOR: Come on, we've got to get every plant out of this place and dump it outside. HENDERSON: What for, Doctor? DOCTOR: They're the eyes and ears of the Krynoid. SCORBY: We'd better keep an eye open for that lunatic Chase. DOCTOR: Good idea. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Look! SCORBY: Out of the way. It's locked! DOCTOR: Chase!

In the interest in self-preservation, Chase's men side with The Doctor against the Krynoid, but the Krynoid - now bigger than the Chase Mansion - invites The Doctor to join it, promising to leave the others alone if he does. People within a mile of the Chase Estate, however, start getting strangled by their plants, while Chase, snapping photos of the Krynoid, has a significant one-on-one encounter with it.

fd_Charmed_06x18

fd_Charmed_06x18_0

[Scene: P3. It's dark. Chris is sitting at the bar reading his future with tarot cards. He flips over the judgment card and sighs. The lights turn on in the room and a guy walks down the stairs.] Chris: Dennis, what are you doing here? Dennis: I work here, remember? Chris: No, I know, I mean, what are you doing here so early? Dennis: Piper called. Wanted me to set up for the band. Chris: Piper called? From where, the doctors? Dennis: I don't know, maybe. Is something wrong? Is she okay? Chris: Yeah, it's just a regular check up for the baby, I'm sure everything's fine. Dennis: You mind if I ask you a question? Chris: Sure. Dennis: You know Piper pretty well, don't you? I mean, you guys seem close. Chris: Yeah, real close. Dennis: What's the deal with the ex of hers, Leo? Dude gets her pregnant, right? Then what, just skips town on her? I mean, what's up with that? Chris: It's a long story. Dennis: As far as I'm concerned, she deserves a hell of a lot better. Chris: Couldn't agree with you more. [Scene: Doctors Surgery. Hallway. Piper and Paige are standing by the elevator doors with about five people frozen behind them.] Paige: Are you hormonal or just plain crazy? Piper: One woman can only take so much. Paige: Okay, if these people walk out of their offices, what do you think they're gonna see? Piper: Well, I think they won't be touching my stomach anymore, that's what I think. Paige: Piper, that is not a good enough reason to freeze people. Piper: I think it is. (The elevator doors open. Piper unfreezes the people and walks in it. A lady that was standing behind Piper stumbles forward. Paige catches her.) Paige: It's okay, it's okay, we all just get a little vertigo sometimes. (Paige gets in the elevator with Piper.) No wonder Chris grows up to be such a neurotic little freak. (The elevator doors close.) So you excited? Piper: About what? Paige: About what the doctor said. That it's gonna be a healthy baby. Piper: Well, I know he's healthy. I've seen him twenty-two and walking around. Paige: Well, you never know, something could happen. Piper: Oh, don't be such a worry wart. Now you're starting to sound like... (Chris orbs in.) Chris: Hey. Piper: Chris. Paige: Okay, if this is about demons, I don't wanna hear it, 'cause I am on my lunch break. Chris: No, no, no, I just wanted to know how it went with the doctor. Piper: Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy. (Piper holds up an ultrasound picture.) Chris: That's not what I meant. Paige: I don't see it. Piper: Oh, see, it's this little thing right here. Chris: Whoa! (He snatches the picture off her.) Excuse me. Do you mind? [Cut to the car park. The elevator doors open and Piper, Paige and Chris walk out.] Piper: Why are you so edgy, anyway? Relax. Chris: Well, it's not me in there I was thinking about, it's you. I'm just making sure you're okay. Paige: See, that's where I'd ask for money to go to the movies. Chris: Very funny. Actually, in the future, you're the one I go to for money. Paige: Ooh, why, am I rich? Chris: I can't tell you that. Piper: What about me? I'm your mother. Why didn't you come to me for money? Chris: Because I don't want to bother you, you'll have too much to deal with. Paige: What about your dad? Chris: Uh, Leo's not much of a factor. Paige: What does that mean? Chris: I'd rather not talk about it. Piper: Future consequences? Chris: More like future issues. Paige: Ooh, father-son problems. Chris: I have an idea, let's change the subject. Paige: To what? (A woman drops in front of them from the roof and Chris pulls Piper out of the way. The woman scratches Chris's neck.) Extinguisher! (The fire extinguisher flies towards the woman and she jumps over it. Piper tries to blow her up but she turns into a spider and runs away. Chris helps Piper up.) You guys okay? (Chris touches his neck.) Chris: I don't know. Am I? (They look at three scratches on his neck.) Am I? Piper: I don't know. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Paige and Chris are there. Piper is dabbing Chris's wound with a cloth. Paige is looking through the Book of Shadows.] Chris: So I'm okay, right? I mean, mini me in there? Piper: Well, if he wasn't, I think you'd be the first to know. Now, sit still. Chris: Well, then why were you so worried back there? Piper: I wasn't worried. Alright, I was a little worried about the force field. Chris: What force field? Paige: The one she had when she was pregnant with Wyatt. Chris: Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt but not with me? Piper: Well, I didn't have one, he had one. It was all his doing. Chris: From the womb? He had powers from the womb? That's unbelievable! It's not like I don't have an inferiority complex with him already. Thank you. Piper: (to Paige) Did you find that demon yet? Paige: Yes, actually, I did. It's the Spider Demon. An evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every hundred years, to capture and feed off the most powerful and magical demon it can detect. In this case that would be you. Chris: And me. Sorta. Piper: You must be so proud. Paige: It's kinda creepy how she knew to lay a trap for you. Obviously she didn't count on us being there. Piper: Well, at least there's a vanquishing potion here. Okay, what do you say we make this eight-legged freak wish it'd never been hatched. Chris: Whoa, hold it. You are not going anywhere, mum, this is way too risky. Paige: He's actually right. Without the Wyatt force field thing. Chris: Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in? Paige: Aren't there any therapists in the future? Chris: We need Phoebe. Piper: No, I don't want to interrupt her date with Mark. Paige: Actually, it's Mike this week. Chris: No, it's Mitch. But who cares, we need her. Paige: Ever since she had that vision thing in magic school, you know, the one about a demon-free life, and her being with child, she's kind of been on that whole future thing. Piper: And she wishes to accomplish that by speed dating? Paige: I don't know. Chris: So does that book say anything about that spider being poisonous? [Scene: A Cave. It is covered with spider webs. The Spider Demon walks over to a body wrapped in spider webs. Spider Demon: Miss me? Man: I was hoping that you would let me die in peace. Spider Demon: I'm sorry. I was raised to never leave any food on my plate. Man: Please, have mercy. Spider Demon: Oh, don't worry. There's not much of you left to dine on, anyway. Man: My misery will soon be over but I suspect yours is just beginning. Spider Demon: Oh, how so? Man: You've come back empty handed. You will starve. Spider Demon: Hardly. I've already found my next meal. A powerful witch, a Charmed One. Man: A Charmed One? I've heard of their coming. Spider Demon: Really? Must be more powerful than I thought. Hope my eyes aren't too big for my stomach. Man: You will never trap one. Spider Demon: But I already have. I have infected her Whitelighter. Soon he'll be my ally. As for you, my little wizard, it's been a pleasure. (She digs her finger nails into the wizard's sides and sucks in all his powers. The wizard turns into a skeleton.) [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Paige and Chris are there. Piper is dabbing Chris's wound.] Chris: Gentle, please. Piper: Oh, quit your complaining, I'm almost done. Paige, could you call the club for me and tell them I'm gonna be a little bit late? Chris: No, I thought we already discussed this. You're not going anywhere without a force field. Piper: Why? Because it's so much safer here? I have to go to work, I booked a band tonight. Chris: Let Paige cover for you. Paige: No, I can't, I have to go back to my temp job. I'm already late. Chris: Blow it off. This is more important. Paige: My temp jobs are important. It's how people who need help find me. Chris: Okay, I get that, I do, but right now your sister needs your help, okay? Paige: Why don't we just call Leo? Chris: No, no. Paige: Why not? He can help us. Besides, Piper's in danger, which means the baby's in danger, which means you are in danger. Chris: Because we don't need him. Piper: Yeah, he's right, I don't want to open up that can of worms. Paige: He doesn't even know you're pregnant. Piper: This is my point exactly. Paige: Look, I'm not suggesting some sort of reunion... Chris: He has been gone for six months. If he's not there for us in the future, why is he there for us now? (Piper sits down on the chair.) Paige: Hey, are you okay? Piper: Yeah, I just need to sit down for a minute. Paige: Okay, well, I'll go deal with the club, you work on the vanquishing potion and call Phoebe and I when it's done. (Paige leaves.) Chris: I'll clean up. (Chris closes the first aid kit and his hand sticks to box.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Cafe Le Blue. Phoebe walks up to the host.] Phoebe: Hi, I'm supposed to be meeting someone. (He points to a guy sitting at a table.) Thanks. (Phoebe walks up to the guy.) I'm so sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Guy: It's okay. (He stands up and helps her sit down.) Phoebe: Thanks. Last time I ride BART for a while. The train, not the guy. Guy: Right, right. Well, you look, you look amazing, Phoebe. Phoebe: Oh, that's very sweet, Mike, thanks. Guy: Mitch. Phoebe: Mitch! Mitch, right, of course. I'm sorry, I knew that, you know, it's just, I think I'm a little nervous. Mitch: You're nervous? It's hard to believe. Phoebe: Yeah, well, we both have a lot at stake here, don't you think? Mitch: Yeah, yeah, I guess we do. Phoebe: You know, we don't want to waste any time, I think we're both over the serial dating thing, the loveless s*x thing. Mitch: We are? Phoebe: Don't you just want a family? Kids? Mitch: I don't know, I-I haven't really thought about it to be honest. (Phoebe touches his hand and concentrates.) Phoebe: Yeah, nothing. (She stands up.) Alright, so it's great seeing you, you take care. Mitch: But, Phoebe... (Phoebe turns around and Chris is standing there.) Phoebe: Chris, hey. Oh my god, you're sweating. What happened to your neck? Chris: Uh, Piper was attacked by a demon. She's okay though. We need you back at the house to help with the vanquishing potion. Phoebe: Okay. Take care, Mark. Mitch: Mitch. (Phoebe walks away. A fly buzzes around Chris and he catches it in his hand.) Phoebe: Chris, are you coming or what? Chris: Yeah. [Scene: P3. Paige and Jeremy are there. Paige's phone rings and she answers it.] Paige: Hello? Voice: You didn't show up today. Paige: Hi, yeah, I meant to call, I really did, I just got a little hung up at, um, at work. Voice: What do you mean you were at work? Don't you care about these temp jobs? Paige: Yes, of course, the temp jobs are important to me... (A very tall leprechaun walks up to Paige.) Leprechaun: Excuse me, Miss Matthews? I hate to bother you, love, but... Paige: Now's not a good time, okay? Leprechaun: Huh, you're telling me. I'm supposed to be a leprechaun. Paige: Okay, pal, the bar's not open yet. Why don't you try down the street. Leprechaun: You don't understand. The wicked witch of the enchanted forest put a dastardly curse on me. I know you helped Shamus. Paige: Um, let me call you back. (She hangs up.) You knew Shamus? Leprechaun: He was me brother. Of course, all leprechauns are, but the point is we were close. Paige: Give me a second. (She turns to Jeremy.) Uh, Jeremy, could you check on the beer in the back? Jeremy: No worries. (Jeremy goes out the back.) Paige: Okay, uh, how did you find me? Leprechaun: I didn't for sure. I was told to find you at your temp jobs but you don't seem to be there anymore. Paige: Tell me about it. Leprechaun: And I didn't want to bother you at home. Paige: Thank you, I appreciate that. Okay, what did this wicked witch do to you? Leprechaun: Uh, isn't it obvious? She made me tall! Paige: Oh, that's the problem. Leprechaun: Oh, it's just not who I am, love. Am more importantly, it's taken away my power to dole out luck too. Is there anyway you can turn me back? Please. Paige: Okay, uh, I'm sure I can improvise something. "You who found me in this bar, turn back to who you really are." (The leprechaun shrinks to his original size. He chuckles.) Leprechaun: Oh, god bless you, Paige. The name is Riley and I am forever in your debt. Paige: Great, you're welcome, but if you don't mind, you probably should get out of here. Riley: Not before I leave you with a token of my appreciation. (He hands her his shillelagh.) I hope you get that wicked witch. Paige: I'll try. (Riley whizzes off. Jeremy walks back into the room.) [Scene: Manor. Dining room. There are a potions on the table. Chris is there. Phoebe walks in from the kitchen.] Phoebe: Okay, let's do this. I have a future to get back to. Chris: Who doesn't. You blessed this? Phoebe: Yes, I blessed it, I sang to it. What's the matter with you? (Chris sits on the stairs. Piper comes down the stairs.) Are you okay? Chris: Yeah, I think I'm just coming down with something. Piper: What do you mean? From the attack? Chris: Now who's the worry wart. Look, we still need Paige to bless this. Did you call her? Piper: Yeah, she's on her way. She was helping me out at the club. Phoebe: Who's watching Wyatt? Piper: Uh, Sheila. He should be safe there until after this is over. (A spider crawls in from an open window.) Phoebe: Okay, well, we gotta get a move on here. Because I need to find my husband, like, yesterday. Seriously. What? I did the math. It's gonna take me like a year to fall in love, and there's the whole engagement and the wedding, and then the year of wedded bliss. (Chris notices the spider.) And then I have to wait a year to find out if I really want to have his kid, you know, and the pregnancy's, like, nine months. Well, ten months, they just tell you it's nine months. So clearly, let's move on here. I'm sorry, what's so funny? Piper: This whole family needs a shrink. (Paige orbs in holding the shillelagh.) Phoebe: Hey. Where'd you get that? Paige: Don't ask. Chris: You need to bless this vanquishing potion. Paige: Wow. Hello to you too. Chris: Hey, the book says for all three of you to bless it. Phoebe will help you. Piper, can I talk to you, please? Piper: Piper? What happened to mum? Paige: How exactly do I bless this thing? Phoebe: With your blood. Come on. (Phoebe and Paige walk in the dining room.) This'll just hurt a little. (Paige pulls a face.) [Cut to the conservatory. Piper and Chris walk in.] Piper: What is it? What's the matter? Chris, your eyes are dilated. Chris: Are they? (The spider turns into the spider demon. Web flies out of her hands and wraps Piper up in it. She gets stuck to the wall covered from head to toe in a spider web cocoon. Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Phoebe: Okay, we got it. She didn't even... (She sees the spider demon.) Faint. (Paige throws a potion towards the spider demon and Chris catches it.) Paige: What are you doing? (Chris knocks Paige to the floor and then attacks Phoebe. Phoebe fights back and he drops the potion. The potion rolls over to Paige. Phoebe kicks Chris in the head and knocks him to the floor. Paige throws the potion at the spider demon, missing. She turns back into a spider and crawls away.) Phoebe: Get it! Get it! (The spider crawls out the window.) Piper. (They turn around and see Piper wrapped in a cocoon against the wall.) Paige: Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige is there. She walks up to Piper and touches her. The web zaps her and Paige is knocked backwards.] Paige: Well, there's a force field that works. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Alright, I locked Chris in the basement. What are you doing on the floor? (Phoebe helps her up.) Paige: Well, not having a lot of luck, that's why I'm on the floor. I've tried orbs, knives, spells. Nada. Phoebe: God, I hope Piper's okay in there. Paige: Don't. Phoebe: So do you think we should ask Chris for help? Paige: Yeah, let's get the mutant who put her in there in the first place to help. Phoebe: Missy, that is our nephew, he needs help too. Paige: Okay, fine. How should we help? Uh, how about Leo? Phoebe: Are you kidding? Piper will kill us. Paige: Well, she can kill us after she's saved. Phoebe: Paige, Piper doesn't want Leo to know that Chris is his son, okay? So I don't think I can keep that secret. Paige: Try. Leo! (Leo orbs in wearing a gold robe.) Leo: Phoebe, Paige, how are you? Phoebe: Not so good, we have a problem. Leo: Perhaps we should meditate. Paige: No, I don't want to meditate. Piper, right there. (Leo turns around and sees Piper wrapped up in the spider web.) Leo: Ah, the Spider Demon. She cocoons her victims before feeding on them. Paige: Great, well, can you get her out of there? Leo: Uh, well, the only way to get her out of there is to vanquish the Spider Demon. But it's okay, the cocoon is meant for preservation, so she's safe for now. Phoebe: Good, that means Chris is too. Leo: Chris? He's in there too? Paige: No, he's not in there, Leo, he's in the basement. Phoebe: Yeah, he was acting a little crazy so I locked him in the basement. Paige: Yeah, after the Spider Demon infected him, he got a little crazy, went after... Leo: I'll talk to him. (Leo heads for the basement.) Paige: Ay, be careful. Good thinking. Phoebe: I'm telling you, he has a right to know. Paige: No, he doesn't. [Cut to the basement. It's dark. Leo walks down the stairs.] Leo: Chris? Chris? Chris, I'd like to talk to you, it's Leo. (Chris walks out of the shadows.) Chris. Chris: b*st*rd! (Spider webs shoot out of Chris's hand and Leo orbs out before the webs hit him.) [Cut to the kitchen. Leo orbs in and quickly closes the door. Phoebe and Paige run in.] Paige: What happened? Leo: He attacked me. Paige: I tried to warn you. Phoebe: He's got issues. Leo: Issues? Paige: Yeah, from being infected. Phoebe: No, I think his issues precede that, don't you, Paige? Leo: Something you're not telling me? Phoebe: Actually... Paige: No. Phoebe: Look, he's gonna find out sooner or later and I'm gonna bust. Leo: Find out what? Phoebe: If he's gonna help us, we're gonna have to tell him. Paige: It's Piper's business. Leo: Tell me what? (Phoebe tries to hold it in but can't.) Phoebe: Chris is your son. Don't we all feel better? I know I feel so much better. (Leo sits down, speechless.) Leo: How... Phoebe: Uh, spirit realm, six months ago, you and Piper... Leo, she's pregnant. Leo: Why didn't she tell me? Phoebe: Well, honestly, I think she knows how hard it was for you to leave one son behind. She didn't want to make it any harder. (Paige's phone rings.) Paige: Great. Excuse me. (Paige leaves the room.) Leo: Why is he so mad at me? Phoebe: I don't know, sweetie. He's real tight lipped about the future. It's a lot for you, huh? Well, uh, you gotta try to pull it together because we need you. Your family needs you. Leo: Right. You're right. Phoebe: That's the spirit. Leo: Well, uh, if I remember correctly, the Spider Demon's last victim was a wizard. So maybe I should go to magic school and see if there's something there that I can use to scry for him. Phoebe: Okay, and what about Chris? Leo: Check the Book of Shadows, I think there's an antidote. Phoebe: Okay. Welcome home. (Leo orbs out. Paige walks in.) Paige: Hey, will you watch Piper? I have to go back to the club. Phoebe: Wait, now? Paige: Yeah, the wicked witch has struck again. (Paige orbs out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Basement. Chris is sitting on the floor, groaning.] Spider Demon's Voice: Chris. Chris. Come to me, Chris. (Chris stands up.) That's right. Over here. Come closer. (Chris walks over to an archway and spins a web in the corner of it. An image of the Spider Demon appears in the web.) You are learning quickly. Chris: What did you do to me? Spider Demon: I think you know. Now bring me the cocoon. Chris: No. (Chris groans in pain and falls to his knees.) Spider Demon: You can't resist it, what's happening to you. Don't fight it, embrace your new powers. Use them. Chris: I don't understand. Spider Demon: You will, my sweet. All in good time. (She chuckles.) All in good time. (Chris stands up and pulls down the spider web.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Paige, Jeremy and a man wearing a green dress is there. Jeremy is unconscious on the floor.] Paige: Who did this? The wicked witch? Man: Uh, no, actually, that was me. Paige: You? Why? Man: I couldn't let him open the club, let all those people in here. Not until you turn me back into a wood nymph. Paige: Okay, well, who's to say that there's not more coming after you? I can not keep the club closed all night. Piper will kill me. Man: Cry me a river, sister. (A man and a woman walk down the stairs.) We have lives too, you know. Without me, nature falls out of harmony. Flowers wilt, trees wither, streams dry up. It ain't pretty. And this guy... Man #2: Hi. Man: He's an ogre. A giant, terrifying ogre. Now tell me, does he look imposing to you in the least? Paige: No, not so much. Woman: And me, I'm supposed to be a fairy. Guy: You see the problem. Man: Witches curses spread like wild fire. Pretty soon there won't be any of us magic folks left. Paige: No offence, but you don't sound like any of the wood nymphs I've ever met. Man: It's the curse, I'm telling you, the curse! Paige: Alright, alright. (Paige picks up a pen and a notepad off the bar.) Man: Paper and pen? You've got to be kidding. What, are you gonna right the wicked witch a letter? Paige: Hey, I don't tell you how to save the forest. No, I don't. Okay, tell me everything you know about the wicked witch so we can get rid of her once and for all. [Cut to a cave. The wicked witch is there cackling while stirring a cauldron. She stops.] Wicked Witch: Uh-oh. (The wicked witch disappears in a puff of smoke.) [Cut to P3. The people turn back into their proper creature selves.] Paige: Ding dong. Nymph: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Ogre: We owe you, Paige. Paige: Yeah, great. Now, why don't you guys get out of here because I know a witch who's gonna really put a curse on me unless... [Scene: Magic School. Great Hall. Leo and Sigmond are there looking through books.] Sigmond: What about this one, sir? "The wizard wrath metre." He created over five hundred spells and potions before mysteriously disappearing in 1904. Leo: Sounds like the right year. Any chance you have this wand here? Sigmond: It should be in the collection. (Leo and Sigmond turn around to find Gideon standing behind them.) Gideon: Would you excuse us please, Sigmond? Sigmond: Of course. Leo: Not now. Gideon: Leo, this is a serious matter, and one that we have been over countless times. You abandoned the other Elders without so much as a warning. Leo: Yeah, well, something came up. Gideon: You can't just pop on down whenever you feel the need arise. You're not just putting yourself at risk, you're putting all Elders at risk too. Leo: I'm trying to save my son. Gideon: Wyatt? Has something happened to him? Leo: No, not Wyatt, to Chris. I know, I just found out myself, I don't have time to explain. If I don't find the demon who hurt him, I may not be able to figure out why he hates me so much. Gideon: Hates you? (Leo gets the wand out of the cabinet.) Leo: Got it. Listen, I dropped Wyatt off in the nursery just to be on the safe side. I hope that's alright. Gideon: Of course. (Leo orbs out. Sigmond walks in.) Sigmond: Chris is his son too? Gideon: Apparently. Actually, come to think of it, that does explain why he came all the way from the future to save Wyatt. Sigmond: Save him from us you mean. Gideon: If he knew he wouldn't still be searching. When the time is right, Wyatt will be sacrificed and the greater good will be served. [Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe and Paige are there making a potion.] Paige: You need anything else? Phoebe: No, sweetie. I just hope I'm not too late. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: I stopped off in the attic on the way back. Phoebe: I gotta tell you, Leo, whatever Chris has against you in the future, it can't be your lack of determination. (A spider crawls out of the vent and runs along the floor.) Leo: Still, you might not be in this mess if I hadn't been gone so long. Paige: Well, you have to do what you have to do. Phoebe: My god, Leo, can't you think of anything but yourself? Paige: Phoebe. Phoebe: Yeah, that was kind of weird. Paige: Yeah. Phoebe: You totally bailed on us. Paige: What the hell? Phoebe: Okay, I think maybe I'm channelling Chris's anger? Leo: But he's in the basement. Can you empath from so far away? Phoebe: I don't know, maybe my powers are expanding. Paige: Or he's closer than we think. (The spider crawls into the parlor and turns into Chris. Phoebe and Paige run in.) Phoebe: No! (Spider webs shoot out of Chris's hands and hits Phoebe, sticking her to the wall by her wrists. Paige throws a potion at Chris and he covers it in spider webs. He then sticks Paige to the wall also by the wrists. Leo runs in.) Leo: Chris, stop, this isn't you. Chris: Wanna bet? (Chris pushes Leo against the wall.) Phoebe: Chris, don't. Paige: He's your father. (Chris throws him up the stairs and sticks him to the wall with spider webs. He walks over to Piper and orbs out with her.) Bug spray, we should have used bug spray. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Stairs. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are still stuck to the wall.] Phoebe: Okay, I can't break free. Can you orb? Paige: No, I tried. Leo: Damn it. Paige: Are Elders even allowed to swear? Leo: No, but fathers are. Especially ones whose kid tries to kill him. Phoebe: Well, technically you can't die. Leo: It's not the point. Paige: Well, it wasn't Chris, Leo, it was a demon. Leo: No, some of it was Chris, I saw it in his eyes. Phoebe: I think he's right. I think that's why he can still orb. He can be saved. Paige: Yeah, well, can we? (Phoebe sees the shillelagh near by.) Phoebe: Maybe with a little luck. Paige: Shillelagh. (The shillelagh orbs and taps on the floor three times. A rainbow appears and so does Riley.) Riley: Somebody called. Paige: Hey, over here. (He laughs.) Riley: Now there's something you don't see everyday. Paige: Yeah, thanks a lot. Can you just get us down from here, please? Riley: I can try, but as you know, luck can go either way. Good or bad. Take your chances. Phoebe: Yeah, well, we'll take our chances. Riley: Very well. Slainte is tainte! (Paige falls from the wall and lands on a table, smashing it. Riley chuckles.) I tried to warn you, love. [Scene: Spider Demon's cave. The spider demon, Chris and the Piper cocoon are there.] Spider Demon: I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. Chris: Thanks to you for showing me how. Now what? Spider Demon: You've been ever so helpful. But if you don't mind, I prefer to dine alone. (The spider demon digs her fingernails into Piper's sides and starts draining her powers. Chris falls to the ground in pain.) So divine. Chris: What's happening? Spider Demon: I gather you weren't counting on this. It's not just her magic I'm feeding on, it's her baby's too. Yours. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Leo are there. Leo is scrying.] Leo: I don't understand why this isn't working. Maybe I have the wrong wizard. Phoebe: Or maybe because there's nothing to find. Leo, you gotta stop beating yourself up over this, okay. It's not your fault. Leo: I just, I don't understand why he hates me so much. Phoebe: Yeah, but Leo, it's in the future, it hasn't happened yet, so you can change it. Leo: If Chris lives long enough to tell me what to change. Why am I scrying for the wizard? The demon has Piper, I should be scrying for her. Phoebe: Here, use her keys. (Phoebe grabs Piper's keys and hands them to Leo. He continues to scry. The crystal points to a place on the map.) Leo: Got her. Phoebe: Okay, I'll take the antidote, you take the vanquishing potion. Paige! Leo: Piper didn't bless it. Phoebe: It's all we've got. Leo: But we need the power of three. How are we gonna make up for Piper? (Paige walks in with the nymph, fairy and ogre following her.) Paige: Well, how about with a little help from our friends. [Cut to outside the Spider Demon's cave. Phoebe, Paige, Leo and the ogre are there. The ogre throws a rock at the cave entrance and the cave's force field sends the rock flying back to the ogre. He catches it.] Paige: Nice catch. Ogre: Thank you. Phoebe: So wait, we can't get in? Leo: No, it's impenetrable. Phoebe: Great plan. Paige: Well, maybe we can draw her out? Leo: How's that? Ogre: I could just knock. Phoebe: Good thinking. [Cut to inside the cave. The spider demon is still sucking out Piper's powers. She hears the ogre banging.] Spider Demon: Damn it. Can't a demon eat in peace? [Cut to outside. The spider demon walks out.] Spider Demon: You're pissing me off, you know. Paige: Yeah, that's the idea. Spider Demon: You think you can take me? Without your sister? Paige: We're just gonna have to see. Now! (The fairy flies in front of the spider demon's face. The spider demon hits Paige across the face and she falls to the ground. Phoebe kicks the spider demon. The nymph comes out of the bushes and throws the potion at the spider demon. It misses when she turns back into a spider.) Step on her. (The ogre steps on the spider and squishes it into the ground.) Phoebe: That's gross. Ogre: Sorry. (Paige gets up.) Paige: Give me the antidote. Leo: No. This is my responsibility. [Cut to inside. Piper is now out of the cocoon. She pulls the spider webs off her clothes.] Leo: Piper, are you okay? Piper: I think so. What are you doing here? Leo: Uh, it's a long story. (They hear a noise.) Piper: What's that? (Chris walks in.) Leo: Our little boy. You gotta get out of here. (Leo waves his hand and Piper orbs out.) [Cut to outside the cave. Piper orbs in.] Paige: Oh, hey, welcome back. Phoebe: Where's Leo? (Chris blocks the cave door with spider webs.) [Cut to inside the cave. Chris walks towards Leo.] Leo: Alright, Chris, come on, can we just talk about this a minute? (Chris grabs Leo by the throat.) Chris: A minute? We have the next hundred years. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the cave. Piper is trying to blow up the blocked door.] Piper: I can't get through that thing. Ogre: You want me to try knocking again? Phoebe: Uh, I don't think that's gonna work this time. Paige: That's okay, we'll take it from here. Nymph: Are you sure? Paige: Yeah, we're positive. But thanks for everything. (The nymph, ogre and fairy disappear.) Piper: I told you guys not to bring Leo here. Phoebe: I think he just saved your life. Piper: Yeah, at his expense, and maybe Chris's too. [Cut to inside the cave. Leo is stuck to a large spider web.] Chris: Well, at least we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other... dad. Leo: See, that's what I'm talking about. That's not the demon talking, that's you talking, Chris. It's not too late, you just have to fight it. Chris: Why fight it when I've already won? (He throws out more spider webs which covers Leo's hand.) Leo: Tell me why you hate me so much, Chris. Huh? What did I do to become such a bad dad? Chris: It doesn't matter anymore. Leo: No? The hell it doesn't. Deep down you hate my guts. Huh? Admit it. Come on, admit it. What, you afraid? Chris: I'm not afraid of you. Leo: No? Then why don't you tell me what I did to you? What, did I miss a school play? Did I take away your favourite toy? Did I play favourites with Wyatt? (Chris gets angry and grabs Leo. He throws him across the room. He runs over and pushes him against the wall.) Chris, don't! Chris: You don't know me. (He punches Leo in the stomach and throws him over his shoulder.) [Cut to outside. Paige rubs her neck.] Phoebe: Paige, you should take the antidote. Paige: No, no, I'm fine. It didn't even break my skin, it just hurts. Phoebe: Yeah, but still. Paige: No, we need to save it for Chris. Phoebe: Paige. Piper: Ow. Phoebe: What's the matter? Piper: Kidney shot. Phoebe: Maybe he's trying to tell you something. Piper: Maybe he is. Give me that. Phoebe: What? Why? Piper: So I can take it. Paige: What? Piper: You've been saying whatever happens to little Chris happens to big Chris, and that's what you've been so worried about. Paige: So? Piper: So if I take this, then the baby's inoculated and Chris is just fine, right? Paige: Do you follow that? Phoebe: Not a word. Piper: Just give it to me. (Piper snatches the antidote off Phoebe and drinks it.) [Cut to inside. Chris is punching Leo.] Chris: You don't know me, you don't know me! You don't know me! (Chris turns back to normal and the spider webs blocking the entrance disappears. Chris continues to punch Leo in the face. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Piper: Chris, no! Chris! Chris, look at me! (She pulls him away from Leo.) It's okay. It's over. (Chris leaves the cave.) [Scene: Magic School. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. There are packed bags beside them.] Leo: (to Wyatt) You gotta eat all your vegetables and brush your teeth everyday. Then you get to play a lot. (Sigmond walks in.) Sigmond: Are these the last of them? Piper: Yeah, thank you. (Sigmond grabs the bags and leaves the room. Leo hugs Wyatt.) You're suffocating the boy. Leo: It's just, you know. Piper: Over compensating? Leo: No, I just miss him a lot. Piper: I know. Leo: So you think you're gonna be alright here? I mean, at least until after the baby's born? Piper: Yeah, I think so. And Gideon's right, this is the safest place for me and that's the most important thing, right? Leo: I think so. Piper: Besides, I'm only an orb away if the girls need me. Leo: No, I told them to call me first. Piper: You? You're not going back up there? Leo: No. My family needs me here right now. Piper: Yes, we do. You know, Leo, you can get through to him. You just can't give up. He's just as stubborn as you are. (to Wyatt) Can you wave goodbye? Okay, let's go. Come on, let's go. (Piper takes Wyatt's hand and they walk down the hall. Gideon walks in.) Leo: Take good care of them, Gideon, will you? Gideon: Absolutely. (Leo orbs out.) [Scene: P3. A band is playing. Phoebe and Paige are there. Paige is behind the bar. Phoebe walks over to her.] Phoebe: Hi, this place is hopping, huh? Paige: Yeah. Not a bad guy over there. Is that Nick? Phoebe: Uh, no, actually, that's Ron. Paige: What, did you skip some letters in the alphabet? Phoebe: Q's are hard to find. Paige: I hear ya. Well, at least he's handsome. Phoebe: He's cute, right? Okay, have fun. Bye. (Phoebe goes back to Ron. Paige picks up a tray of drinks and takes it over to Riley, the nymph and the ogre.) Paige: Okay, drinks on the house. Riley: God bless you, love. Cheers. [Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Chris is sitting at the very top. Leo orbs in beside him.] Leo: Can we talk? Chris: There's nothing to talk about. Leo: I think there is. Quite a bit, actually. Chris: It doesn't matter. Leo: It does to me, Chris. You're my son. I think I deserve to know what I did that's so bad. Chris: You were never there for me. You were there for everybody else. For mum, Wyatt, half the world, but you were never there for me. You didn't have the time. Leo: So maybe you came back from the future not just to save Wyatt, maybe you came back to save us too. Chris: I doubt it. (Chris orbs out.)

Piper is kidnapped and cocooned by the Spider Demon, a creature that emerges every hundred years to feed off a powerful magical being. During the attack, Chris is infected with the demon's venom, causing him to mutate into a spider demon himself. In need of desperate help, Paige calls Leo. Phoebe then reveals to Leo that Chris is his son. While trying to save him, Chris attacks Leo and starts repeatedly punching Leo, yelling that Leo does not know him. Later, Leo finds Chris on the Golden Gate bridge and begs him to tell him why he hates him so much. Chris replies that Leo was never there for him, but he was there for Piper, Wyatt, and half the world. Leo tells him that maybe he did not come back just to save Wyatt, but to save their relationship as well.

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Lucas's voice: At this moment there are six billons, 502 million, 867 120 people in the world (there are noise of a car's accident) ... give or take a few! ( and we can see the bracelet of Haley) And sometimes, all you need is one. For better or for worse. We see Haley in her wedding's dress, she's in the water and we heard her Nathan get up : he have do a nightmare ! (is really upset) River court Nathan joins Lucas Nathan: How long you been out here ? Lucas: A couple hours. Sometimes, I come out here when I can't sleep. Nathan: You miss it ? ( about basket) Lucas: Every day, ... so what's up ? Nathan: I had this messed up dream last night. Haley was drawing and I couldn't save her. Of course Haley insist that we don't see each other until the wedding, even though we're married. Maybe I should just go see her. Lucas: I'll tell you what, I'll go check on her for you, how's that ? Nathan: Well, tell her t stay away from the water, okay, no swimming or anything ! Lucas: Nathan, it's your wedding day. Again! It's gonna be a great day. Nathan: Thanks. (Lucas go away, Nathan stay alone) In front of Keith's tomb, Deb joins Dan. Dan: You're closer than 100 feet. Deb: Just paying my respects. Dan: You know, everyone think of Keith as the perfect guy but they're wrong. Deb: No, they're not, Dan. Keith is a hero. ( she go away) Dan: He tried to kill me. That's right. He's the on who tried to burn me in the dealership fire. So I guess the hero got what was coming to him, after all. (Dan goes away) Karen's house. Haley: Knock, knock! Oh hi! Karen: Hey! How is the bride-to-be again? Haley: Oh, good. Karen: Well, I'm afraid you've missed the boys They were gone pretty early Haley: Oh, that's okay. I wanted to see you, actually. I have a question for you. Karen: Okay. Haley: I know you and Keith were engaged, and it breaks my heart. Karen: I know, I know. Haley: Sorry, okay. Brooke, Brooke mades me this dress and it is out oh the material that she ordered for your wedding dress, and I just wanted to ask you if it was okay if I wore it, and if it's not, that's fine she made an other one that I can wear... Karen: I'm so proud of you, Haley. Have I told you that lately? You have got a wonderful soul, Haley James Scott, and you're gonna make a beautiful bride in that dress! Haley: Oh, thank you. (Karen and Haley intertwine) Peyton's room, Brooke comes. Peyton: Hi, where'd you sleep? Brooke: My car. See, I had this horrible dream last night, that my best friend told me she had feelings for my boyfriend! But that wasn't a dream, was it? ( She pack her one's bags) Peyton: Brooke... Brooke: Why now Peyton? Why do you tell me you have feelings for Lucas, now? When I have so much going on in my life, stuff that you don't even know about. Peyton: Well,... so do I, okay? Trust me. But I didn't wish for this, all right? I wished for Jake Brooke: Oh right! You wished for Jake, after you wished Pete and then Lucas! I can not believe this is happening again. Peyton: It's not, okay? It's not, it's just okay, the last time... Brooke: The last time?! Do you hear yourself right now? The last time you tried to steal my boyfriend? He's on the door, Peyton. (she show the door to Peyton) He's on the damn door under me! Peyton: I don't wanna steal him, okay. Brooke: But you like him? Peyton: Brooke, I'm not gonna do anything about it okay? I'll just bury it. Brooke: You can't. It's out. It's like the time capsule. And you could've buried it and not said anything to me. So what s that about? Peyton: I don't know, all right? I just ... I wanted to be honest with you all riht? I don't wanna make the same mistake. I did the last time. And you know what? You even said last night at Tric, that you really didn't miss him! (Brooke slaps her) Brooke: Don't you dare. Don't you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are a backstabbing, two-faced bitch, Peyton, because you are, and you know it! Brooke leaves the room with her bags. Wedding reception's place. Brooke put the name on the tables. Lucas joins her. Lucas: Hey pretty girl. Brooke: Hey. Lucas: What's going on? Brooke: Nothing. Lucas: Come on. Nobody loves a wedding more than Brooke Davis. What's up? Brooke: I'd just appreciate if you wouldn't talk to Peyton today. Lucas: You're kidding, right? This is a wedding. We're all in the wedding party. We're all friends here, Brooke! Brooke: You know, could you do me a favour, just once, and put me above your precious Peyton and do something that I ask you to do? Thanks! Lucas: Woah. What's happened? Brooke: We had a fight. And I'm stressed out about my speech and Haley's dress, and I'm late. I'm late to get ready, and I'm sorry. Lucas: Come here. (he intertwine her) It's okay. Brooke look at him. Brooke: You look nice. (she goes away) Lucas: (alone) Weddings! I n the car, Nathan is between his parents. Nobody speak. Reception's room Rachel change her name on the table. Cooper joins her. Cooper: Rachel. Rachel: You look almost as hot as me! Cooper: Listen to me, you gotta stop calling me. I told you we couldn't see each other anymore. And before you left that morning, I think I made myself perfectly dear. Rachel: Yeah, but the night before that you weren't so dear. In fact, if I remember right I think you weren't so clear 3 times! Cooper: You're 17. Rachel: Yeah. And I was 17 that night, too. And all the other nights. Cooper: Okay, listen to me. I'm sorry, okay? I made mistake. But this is Nathan and Haley's day. Now, I promise you we'll talk about this later, but do not make this ugly for them. Rachel: I wouldn't think of it. (She's gones) Ext. Lucas try to do his tie, Dan joins him. Dan: Need a hand? Lucas: No, I'm okay. Thanks. Dan: It's just a tie, Lucas. Come on, let me see. ( he do his tie) So, how's life without basketball? Lucas: It's better than life without Keith. (Silence) Dan: Okay, let's see. (about the tie) Karen and Deb see them. Deb: Dan thinks it was Keith. The fire. I just found out this morning. I'm sorry, Karen. It's nit fair to Keith memory. It's not fair to you. Karen: Yes, it's not fair to Keith. But Dan's need for revenge was buried with brother. He's not gonna be coming after you, or anybody else. Deb: Maybe so, but in a way, that makes me feel weaker than ever. Nathan look at fountain and hear a car accident and see Haley in the water, she call him. "Nathan!" Lucas: Nathan? You okay? Nathan: Yeah. Have you checked on Haley? Lucas: Yeah. She's fine. Nathan: 'Cause she should be here by now. Can you call her? Lucas: Nathan! Nathan: Please, just do it! Lucas: Okay, all right. All right! (he takes his phone and call Haley) Hey, Haley you all right? Nathan: Something's wrong, man. Haley: Hey, what's up? (Lucas gives the phone to Nathan) Nathan: Hey, it's me. Is everything okay? Haley: Fine, soon to-be-husband, again, why? Nathan: I just... I just wanted to hear your voice, that's all. Where are you? Haley: I'm right here. Haley, on wedding's dress, is coming on barouche. In a room, Lucas joins Haley. Lucas: Oh, I'm sorry princess. I was looking for my friend Haley. Wow, did it really take this stuff to make you look this? ( about the staff on the table) Haley: No! Everybody got ready in here, including Rachel and Brooke, for some reason. Hi! Lucas: All right. (they intertwine) Wow, you really look beautiful. Haley: Thank you. Lucas: So, your parents really aren't coming. Haley: No, they... I invited them, and they said, "sorry, honey, we've been to your wedding once before, and it was a little boring" Anyway, I'll just give myself away, that's fine. Lucas: Or, ... I could do it. If you'll have me. Haley: Really? Luke, that would be perfect! Lucas: Okay. Haley: Thank you. Lucas: But you know what, I gotta be honest with you. I could never officially give you away, you know that? I could never give away my best friends. ( he kiss her) Ext. People take place for the ceremony. Brooke: Hey Rachel. You look almost as hot as me. Rachel: Sounds like something I would say. Hey Peyton! Peyton: Hi. Brooke: How about we go find you a good seat, friend? (they back together) Lucas: Hey you. So, I've been informed to avoid you like the plague. What's up? Peyton: Nothing. Just... Look if Broke doesn't want you to talk to me. Just do it, I'll be fire. (she backs) Lucas: Hey Peyton, you look nice. Deb and Dan descend the alley arm top-below. Dan: Feeling sentimental, Deb? Deb: Feeling nauseous, actually. Peyton and Brooke take place to their job of ladies of honor. Peyton: (to Nathan) You had your chance! Brooke: (to Cooper) Wanna make it a dual ceremony, Coop? Brooke: (to Peyton): Now, I know how this dress looks on a witch.. Peyton: Go Brooke yourself! Haley and Lucas descend they alley arm top-below. In front of Nathan, Lucas takes Haley in his arms and he shake the hand of Nathan. Haley and Nathan go to the priest. Priest: Friends and loves ones, we are gathered here today to witness the renewal of a commitment between Nathan and Haley, to love one another unconditionally and endlessly. Nathan and Haley, there are many things I could say to the two of you today, but instead I choose to listen to the words you have for each other. Haley? Haley: Nathan, it's been said that there's one word that will free us from the weight and the pain of life, and that world is love. And I believe that. That doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard, or that it won't be, it just means that I've found a stillness and bravery in my self, with you. You make me brave. And I will love you until the end of time. This I vow today. Priest: Nathan? Nathan: Last year we stood on a beach, and I told you how much I loved you and how I would always, always protect you. That day, nobody believe that this would work. But I don't think anybody understand the love that I had for you, because if they did, they would have never doubted us. So, I wanted to marry you all over again, in front of most of our world, because today, when I look into your eyes, my love for you only grows. It's even stronger now. And our love will never waver. This I Vow to you, today and always, and forever. Haley: Forever. Priest: Haley on this day, do you reconfirm and rededicate yourself to the vows you promised to uphold? Haley: (She take the ring) Oh thank you! I do. (She put the ring to Nathan's finger) Priest: Nathan, on this day, do you rededicate and reconfirm your commitment to the vows you promised to uphold? Nathan: I do... And actually, I have a new ring. (He takes a ring in his pocket, and he put on Haley's finger) Haley: Thank you! Priest: And now, before the eyes of God, I once again pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride. Nathan: I love you Haley. Haley: I love you too. (They kiss, people applaud them) Deb and Dan stay alone. Dan: You know, one day we'll walk down the aisle again, Deb you'll see. Deb: Open your eyes, Dan. I don't love you. I'm not coming back to you and Keith didn'ttry to kill you, I did. (She goes away) Dan is alone, and we see the little Keith behind him. Little Keith: Danny. How's your life, little brother? (He shoot him with his finger) INT. Reception room. Rachel look Cooper with a woman. Cooper: I'm Cooper, by the way. You're Michelle Featherstone right? Michelle: Yes. (They shake their hands) Cooper: That song you played was perfect. In fact, I think all your stuff is really great. Michelle: Thank you. Thank you. I think all of your stuff is pretty great, too. Cooper: Well, thank you. Rachel, who see the scene is jealous and she go to the bar. Bevin: Hey Rach! Rachel takes Bevin' cop and drink, and she go away. [SCENE_BREAK] Peyton joins Brooke. Peyton: You gonna talk to me? Please? (Brooke cross her arms) Fine. So this is how it end a 10 years friendship that survived 2 dead moms, 3 absentee parents, shoplifting, jail time, and we can't survive one boy? Brooke: Not "one boy", Peyton, MY boy. Peyton: And he still is your boy. I told you that. Do you love him? Brooke: You are something else. How dare you be so selfish to ask me that about my boyfriend! Peyton: How dare I? Okay, you know what, Brooke, I didn't want it this way. Okay, I tried tears all right? I tired a apologizing to you. I cried. And you know what you did. You slapped me, and you blew me off. Brooke: Yeah, and you gonna be lucky if next time I don't use my fist. Peyton: I can't believe you're sipposed to be maid honor. And by the way, none of those words were, "Yes Peyton. I love him" ( she go away) Mouth: Ladies and gentleman please stand and join me welcoming Nathan and Haley husband and wife, again. Nathan and Haley go to the center, to dance. Haley: What song did you pick, anyway? (the song begin) Oh, I was hopping it would be this one. Nathan: I had a little help. (they dance together) Ext. Keith's tomb. Dan see the little Keith and cry. Int. Reception room. Lucas and Brooke Dance together. Lucas: So are you gonna tell me what this is about? Brooke: Maybe you should tell me about it? Lucas: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Brooke: Peyton told me some things about two of you. Lucas: Look, Brooke, I know that you're worried about my past with Peyton but have to understand the circumstances this time, you know? I mean, God, she was bleeding, and she thought she was gonna die. I mean, the kiss, it mean nothing. (Brooke stop to dance) Brooke: What kiss? Do you kiss her again? ( she leaves the dance floor) Rachel look Cooper, who are be dancing with Peyton, and the take the bottle of champagne. In the girl's room, Brooke search something in the bags. Lucas: Look, Brooke, I need you to listen to me. Okay, I understand that you didn't know about the kiss, and I'm sorry for springing it on you, but I meant what I said. I didn't mean anything. Brooke: A kiss always means something. Lucas: Okay, well, maybe you're right but it wasn't a romantic moment. And you would know that if... Brooke: If what, I was here? AS you so sweetly pointed out as the party, the party that I threw for you, I wasn't there, was I? Lucas: Is it impossible for you to forgive me? I forgave you. Brooke: For what? Lucas: For sleeping with Chris Keller. Brooke: (she begin crying) And you know what, Lucas? I loved you for that. You had such grace in that moment that I felt in love with you all over again. I can't believe that you would use it now as bargaining chip. Lucas: No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I just ... I need you to trust me and believe me when I tell you that my heart is with you. But a part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you're just been waiting, waiting to push me away. Brooke: Oh, great. You kiss Peyton again and I'm pushing you away! God, why did I make everybody identical purses as wedding gifts? Lucas: I love you, Brooke. I don't know how else to say it. Brooke: How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away Lucas. I am holding on for dear life, but. I need you to need me back. Okay, why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss. And why won't you ever just let me all the way in? (she cry) We have to go and give our toasts now, about love. Lucas: Please don't be mad, Brooke. Brooke: I'm not mad, Lucas. I'm not mad. ( she go away) Lucas makes a speech. Lucas: The last time I gave a speech about Nathan and Haley was, well, at their first reception. And I remember saying, "Prepare to be surprised." Well, I have to say, even I was surprised. Because, you see, they do something that's very rare to see in someone our age. Actually, it's very rare to see in anybody. They give their hearts to each other, unconditionally. And that's what true love really is. It's not this fairy-tale life that never knows pain, but it's two souls facing it together, and diminishing it with unconditional love. To Nathan and Haley Scott. People applaud. And Brooke makes a speech too. Brooke: I'm not the most eloquent speaker, so I thought I would borrow a few words from Shakespeare. "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds." When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same. I look at Nathan and Haley and somehow I feel safer. I don't know if I can explain that, but they give me hope. And I'm afraid to say it out loud, because maybe if life finds out, it'll try to beat it out of them. And that would be a shame, because we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know? That feeling that everything is gonna be okay, and that there's gonna be someone there to help make sure of that. So here's to Nathan and Haley. Here's to hope. And here's to a love that will not alter. People applaud. Haley kisses Nathan. Karen is outside and Dan came. Dan: I never apologized for the way I treated you and Lucas, or for the way I treated Keith. I suppose it's too late. Karen: I'm pregnant. Dan approaches Karen but she's move back. Dan approaches again and takes Karen in his arms. Dan: I'm gonna be there for you this time, Karen. It's gonna be okay. Cooper takes the microphone and makes a speech. Cooper: Hi. Excuse me, I'd like your attention for a second. I'd like to propose a toast to my knucklehead of a nephew and his beautiful bride. As most of you know, Nathan and Haley's relationship was unexpected, mostly because Haley is classy and attractive, and Nathan is not. But here's to Nathan and Haley, for proving to us that love is real, and genuine, and still attainable for the rest of us. Cheers, you two. People applaud. Cooper goes to Nathan. Nathan: Thanks, Coop, I guess. Cooper: Love you, man. Rachel, drunk, takes the microphone too. Rachel: Well, well. I would like to make a toast to Cooper's toast, about love. But wait a minute. What could Nathan and Haley possibly know about love? I mean, they're only 17, right? Right, Cooper? You see, Cooper seems to think a 17-year-old couldn't possibly know anything about love. Of course, you know, that didn't stop him from having s*x with me, right? Mouth: Rachel. Rachel: Yeah. To s*x with Cooper! Rachel puts the microphone and running outside. Nathan: Is she serious? Cooper: I'm so sorry. I'll be right back. Excuse me. Cooper runs to Rachel. Cooper: Hey, Rachel, come on! Rachel goes up into the car. Cooper: Rachel! No, no, no! Hey, bad idea! Hey! Rachel starts and Cooper and Rachel go up into the car too. Cooper: Rachel, stop the car. Damn it, Rachel, stop the car! Rachel stops the car and Cooper gets out the car. Cooper: You trying to kill me? What is your problem? First, you ruin the reception, you steal the limousine, and you drive drunk! Are you out of your mind? Rachel: I must be, to fall in love with you! Cooper: Look, I'm sorry, Rachel, okay? I made a mistake when we slept together, and it wasn't just because you're 17. Hell, even when I thought you were older, I wasn't looking to get serious. I'm sorry, I mean, that sounds harsh, but you even said, "We're just having fun, Coop." Remember? Rachel: I lied. I'm so stupid. Cooper: Hey, don't...Don't do that. Rachel: I thought you liked me. Cooper: I did, Rachel. I liked you. Rachel: Right. "Liked." Cooper: Look, let me take you home. Okay? Rachel: No. I left all my stuff at the reception. My purse, my keys... Cooper: That's fine. That's great, you know what? We'll take the limousine back to the reception, and we'll pretend like none of this ever happened. All right? Let's go. Cooper goes to the car. At the reception, Nathan and Haley arrive outside where people wait them. Lucas: So, there was a slight mix-up. Haley: Sweet. I'm driving. Nathan: No way! Hey, we'll leave the car at the airport. Lucas: All right. Haley: We're going to London for a few days. Lucas: Why? Doesn't it always rain there? Nathan: Oh, yeah. You in? Haley: Thanks you, guys,, for coming. We love you! People applaud and Nathan and Haley go away. Brooke joins Mouth. Brooke: Hey, buddy. It looks like Rachel took the limo with Cooper. I'm sorry. Mouth: Yeah. Me, too. Mouth goes and Lucas joins Brooke. Lucas: I guess we never finished that conversation. Brooke: Dance with me. Brooke takes Lucas hand and they're going on the dance floor. Brooke: Didn't you miss me while you were away? Lucas: Every day. I was just angry and upset about Keith, and I just needed to be alone, but that doesn't mean that I didn't miss you, Brooke, because I did. Brooke: I needed to hear you voice. There's just so much stuff going on with me. Lucas: What kind of stuff? Brooke doesn't answer and kisses him. Nathan and Haley are in the car. Nathan: I just got that feeling, that stillness I used to feel before dawn, that feeling that the world could be perfect. Haley: Yeah, I feel it, too. Haley put the bracelet around Nathan's wrist. Haley: Don't say I never gave you anything. At the reception, Lucas is sitting on a chair and Peyton joins him. Peyton: Then there were two. Sorry about today, and all the drama. Lucas: Peyton? I accidentally told Brooke about the library, the kiss. Karen: Luke? Hi. Are you going home with Brooke, or with me? Lucas: With you. Brooke left. I'm sorry. Lucas stands up. Karen: You and Brooke okay? Lucas: Yeah. She's just going through some stuff. Karen: Well, listen, could you grab my wrap and my purse? Lucas: Yeah, sure. I'll drive. Lucas find a pregnancy test. Lucas: Hey, Ma? Are you pregnant? Karen: Yes, I am. That's not my purse. Oh, you know, maybe Brooke took the wrong...Brooke? Peyton's bedroom. Brooke packs one's bag. Peyton: Brooke, don't go, please. Brooke: I don't want to, but I have to. Peyton: Okay, all right, look. Just stop, all right? What do I have to do to fix this? Brooke, I'll do anything. Just...I don't want you to go. Brooke: You know, you asked me earlier today if I love Lucas, and I have your answer. But you don't deserve to hear it. Peyton: Brooke. Brooke: No. I want you to understand something. As far as I'm concerned, this friendship is over. And if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that'll be fine. I gave you a second chance, Peyton, and you blew it. Rachel is crying in the limo and Cooper is driving. Rachel: Is there anything I was Say to keep you, Cooper? Cooper: No, sorry, Rachel, there's not. Rachel: That's too bad, because there's something I have to tell you. In the car of Nathan and Haley. Haley: Oh, I left my purse! It's got everything in it, the plane tickets, everything. We have to go back. Nathan: No, hold on, it's okay. I'll just have Lucas meet us. Hey, Luke. Hey, man, Haley left her purse and a bunch of stuff at the reception, could you bring that to us? Haley: It's in the anteroom. Nathan: Oh. Oh, okay. All right, well, we're coming up on the Molina Bridge right now, so, I guess we'll just pull over and wait for you. All right. Thanks, man. Bye. Done. He already had the purse in his car. Haley: You're good in a crisis. Nathan: I don't know about that. Haley: No, you are. Good thing, too, especially since I have something I have to tell you. In the limo with Rachel and Cooper. Cooper: I don't believe you. Rachel: Pull over. Cooper: Hell, no. I'm not letting you out until we talk about this. Rachel: I said, pull over! Cooper: No! We're gonna talk about this... Rachel: I said, pull over! Cooper: I'm not pulling the car... Rachel takes the steeling wheel. Cooper: What are you doing? The car of Nathan and Haley arrived in front of the limo. Haley: Look out! Nathan stops the car but the limo fall down of the bridge, in the water. Nathan and Haley get out the car. Nathan: That was Cooper. Cooper! Haley: Cooper! Nathan: Haley, call 911. Haley: Nathan, don't. Nathan: I love you. Haley: Nathan! Nathan dives. Haley: Nathan! Nathan, don't! Nathan is trying to open the limo. Dan comes back in his home and in his wall is written "Murderer". Peyton burns one of her draw. Lucas drives and Karen are next to him. On the bridge. Haley: Nathan! Cooper! Anybody, please help! Lucas (v.o) : William Shakespeare wrote... Haley: Nathan! Lucas (v.o): "...Love is no love which alters when it alteration finds..." Haley: Help me! Lucas (v.o) : "...it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken" Nathan: Oh, God, help me! Haley! Haley: Nathan! Cooper! Lucas (v.o): "...Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks..." Haley: Help! Somebody, please help! Lucas (v.o) : "...But bears it out..." Haley: Help me! Lucas (v.o) : "...even to the edge of doom."

Nathan worries about Haley as they prepare to renew their vows. Deb confesses to Dan about the fire. Peyton and Brooke's friendship becomes strained when Peyton confesses she still loves Lucas. Cooper tells Rachel that he doesn't want a relationship. Lucas accidentally tells Brooke that he and Peyton kissed during the school shooting. Karen tells Dan that she is pregnant. Rachel makes an embarrassing toast at Nathan and Haley's wedding to Cooper. Rachael causes Cooper to wreak the limo into the river. Nathan, Cooper and Rachel's lives hang in the balance after a car accident. This episode is named after a song by Queen .

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x12

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[Stefan's bedroom.] ELENA: Stefan, who was that man in the road? STEFAN: I don't know. Do you remember anything else about him? ELENA: I wish. I never really saw his face. He was wearing a hoodie. All I can remember is that there was these black boots coming towards me. STEFAN: I brought some vervain for, um-- for you and jenna. And, um, I made this bracelet for Jeremy, few extra on for friends. You can put it in jewelry, or you can even put it in food or drink, but as long as it's in you or on you, a vampire cannot control you. ELENA: Wow. So much to remember. STEFAN: I know, but there's another vampire in town. So until we find out who it is and what he wants, we have to be careful. [Elena's house.] Dorbell rings. MAN: Hey. It's gonna be $22. JEREMY: Elena, I need the money! Uh, here. Come in. Just put it on the table. ELENA: Hi. Um, keep the change. MAN: Thanks. And you have yourself a good night. [Salvatores's house] Noises: books falling. STEFAN: What are you lookin' for, Damon? DAMON: Not your concern. STEFAN: No, but putting Elena in harm's way, That is my concern. Heh heh. DAMON: What are you talking about? STEFAN: I'm talking about Atlanta. DAMON: Oh, yeah. Elena and I had blast. STEFAN: I get it. You're just bitter because one of us gets to be with the person that we love, and poor katherine is just out of reach. Unless there's another way for you to get into that tomb. Is that what Bree said? DAMON: You're pathetic when you're fishing. STEFAN: You're transparent when you're deflecting. DAMON: Don't you have school? [History class.] Alaric gives to Jeremy his essay. He has an "A". ALARIC: Surprised? It's a good essay. Your thoughts are clear, and your argument is well laid out. It's just, uh, you don't actually think there are vampires in mystic falls. JEREMY: No. I mean, I think statistically there's been more animal attacks, mystious deaths, uh, people gone missing, more than any other place in the whole commonwealth of Virginia. ALARIC: It's conjecture, but creative, which is why you got the "a." I just wouldn't get too, uh, caught up in the whole conspiracy theory of it all. JEREMY: Ah, I won't. ALARIC: All right. Oh, uh, Jeremy,the source that you cited for the 1860s info, uh, jonathan Gilbert... JEREMY: Uh, my ancestor's journal? ALARIC: I'd really like to see that sometime. JEREMY: Really? ALARIC: A first-person account of the civil war? That's like, uh, p0rn for a history teacher. JEREMY: You think my essay's creative, wait till you get a load of this thing. ALARIC: Thank you. [Front of the school.] CAROLINE: It's so pretty. ELENA: Thank you. CAROLINE: God, it'll go with, like, everything. What's the occasion? ELENA: No occasion. Just a little friend gift. CAROLINE: Lesbian friend necklace? 'cause we're freaky like that? ELENA: Your friendship is important to me. CAROLINE: Why are you being so mushy? ELENA: Because you've been avoiding me, and I wanted you to know that whatever is going on with you and Matt, it's ok. CAROLINE: I was gonna talk to you about that. I was, but there's just not much to say. We've hung out a couple times. That's it, but... I just feel like we've peed as friends. This is weird. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. It's weird. It's weird, right? ELENA: It's a little weird, but--heh. If it's what you and Matt want, then it's not about me. CAROLINE: But it's all about you. Matt's not over you, and we all know it. ELENA: I'm with Stefan now. Matt understands that. He knows he has to move on. [Mystic Grill.] BOYS: Matt Donovan. What do you know? MATT: Ben McKittrick. What's up, man? BEN: Rough season, bud. MATT: Yeah. It's kind of hard to recover when you have to forfeit half your games. BEN: You gonna be workin' here? MATT: Yep, followin' in your footsteps, minus the late championship. BEN: Well, can't all be football gods. MATT: Yeah. BEN: So what's the plan? Cook line? MATT: Busboy. BONNIE: I can't believe you're adopted. ELENA: I never saw that coming. And it gets weirder. I looked at my birth certificate. It lists Miranda and Grayson Gilbert as my birthparents. None oit makes any sense. BONNIE: Which is why you should ask Jenna. First of all, the Elena I know would always want the real truth, good or bad. ELENA: And second of all? BONNIE: You just found out your boyfriend is a vampire, so unless your birthparents are aliens... How bad could it be? ELENA: Ah, ok, look, I have to go to the store. My outfit for the dance is severely lacking accessories. BONNIE: Ok, I'll pay the bill. ELENA: Ok. Bye. BONNIE: Bye. Damon arrives. BONNIE: What do you want from me? DAMON: I think we need a fresh start. BONNIE: You tried to kill me. DAMON: But I didn't, and if I wanted to, I would have. Does that not count for anything? BONNIE: You know, I can start fires with my mind. Fires kill vampires, right? Just stay the hell away from me. BEN: Everything ok over here? DAMON: Yeah, we're fine. BEN: I wasn't talkin' to you. BONNIE: Thank you. BEN: Anytime, Bonnie. BONNIE: Wait. You remember me? BEN: I didn't graduate that long ago. You're makin' me feel old. BONNIE: Sorry. I didn't-- I didn't mean that. I just-- I didn't know you knew me. BEN: I always know a pretty face. [Front of the Mystic Grill. Elena's cell phone rings.] ELENA: Hello. MAN: Hello, Elena. ELENA: Hey, who's this? MAN: You hit me with your car. Is that a new one? ELENA: You got away from me. You won't next time. Elena sees the man in front of her. She rises in her car and leaves. [Salvatore's House.] ELENA: Why me? What does he want with me, a-and if he's trying to kill me, then why call first? STEFAN: That's because we're predators, Elena. We hunt. We stalk. It's often as exciting as the kill. I want you to take this. ELENA: This is Jeremy's pocket watch. How did you get it? STEFAN: I took it from Damon, who took it from Logan, who must have taken it from you. ELENA: What happened to it? STEFAN: Well, it's n just a watch. It's a-- it's a sort of compass, But it points to vampires. ELENA: Why did my father have it? STEFAN: Gilberts were one of the founding families, and back in 1864, th were among those who sought to eradicate the vampires. The compass was used to find us. ELENA: Did you know them? STEFAN: Yes. I want you to keep this. That way, you'll know if you're ever in danger. [Matt and Caroline are painting a banner.] MATT: I've nevereen you such a mess. CAROLINE: Don't talk smack. MATT: I mean, I just thought that you told everyone else what to do. CAROLINE: Well, I do that, too, but if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. You know, I just like that we're hanging out. Who knew--you and me? MATT: Well, who knew you could be fun? CAROLINE: So what are you wearing to this dumb dance, anyway? Should we color-coordinate? MATT: Uh, I'm not goin'. CAROLINE: Why not? MATT: I gotta work, bussin' tables at the grill. CAROLINE: Since when are you a busboy? MATT: It's a job. You know, some of us have to work, Caroline. With our mom in and out, things are tight, so... CAROLINE: I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I didn't know you had a job. MATT: Well, I do. I gotta go. [Mystic Grill.] ANNA: Hey. How'd it go? JEREMY: What? ANNA: The paper. JEREMY: Oh. I got an "a." Thanks for the artles. They really helped. ANNA: Cool. So what'd he say about the vampir? Did he believe it? JEREMY: I don't even believe it. It's just a paper, Anna. Anyways, I, uh-- I gotta get goin'. ANNA: Uh, hey, um... D-do you wanna do something later, maybe? JEREMY: Uh, sorry. I'm stuck on punch duty at the school dance. ANNA: Oh. How'd you get stuck with that? JEREMY: Well, I'm failin' english, so I copped a plea. ANNA: Maybe, you know, tomorrow or something. I'm being pushy again, aren't I? Heh. JEREMY: Well, thanks for the help. I'll-- I'll see you around. [Elena's house.] JENNA: Spoke to the insurance company. Car's totaled. You can keep using mine for now. ELENA: So you're coming to the dance? JENNA: Alaric asked me to help chaperone. ELENA: Why didn't you tell me, Jenna? JENNA: Your mom was gonna do it eventually. I never thought I'd have to. ELENA: If my mom were here right now and I asked, she'd tell me the truth. JENNA: Your dad was about to leave the office one night when this girl showed up. She was 16, a runaway, and about to give birth. He delivered her baby, and he gave her a place to stay, but a few days later, she disappeared. And there you were. Your parents were trying so hard to have a baby. I-it just wasn't happening. All Miranda ever wanted was to be a mom. ELENA: Well, why were my parents' names on the birth certicate? JENNA: Your dad was a doctor, Elena. He took care of it. They didn't wanna lose you, so they kept it quiet, told as fepeople as possible, But if anyone ever wanted proof, they had documtation. ELENA: What else do you know about her? The girl. Just her name. Isabelle. [Salvatore's house.] DAMON: You got the hair right. Why are you bringing me dad's journal ? STEFAN 'cause you were looking for it. DAMON: Why would I want it? STEFAN: Gee, I don't know, Damon. Maybe you wanna do a little bit of posthumous bonding. Go ahead. Enjoy it. Read it. I have. Nowhere in it does it say anything about Katherine or the tomb or how to open it. DAMON: I'm not surprised. Man could rely spell his own name. STEFAN: I'm really sorry that it won't be of any help with your diabolical plan, the sequel. You know, I could help you. DAMON: You, help me? Aw, I don't know. Seems a little unnatural. STEFAN: I'll do anythingo get you out of this town, even release Katherine. DAMON: What about the other 26 vampires? STEFAN: No, no, no. They can't come. They have to stay put, but Katherine, DAMON: I would consider that. What are you doin'? Hmm? What's your angle? STEFAN: Think about it. DAMON: Why would I trust you? STEFAN: See that's your problem, Damon. You apply all of your shortcomings to everybody else. If history's any indication, there's only one liar among us. [Elena's bedroom.] Noises. ELENA: Jenna? Jeremy? Compass whirring [Salvatore's house.] DAMON: Stefan's phone. How may I help you? ELENA: Where is he? DAMON: He's on his way to you, Forgot is phone. ELENA: Thank god. This compass was spinning. Stefan must be here. Thank you. DAMON: You're welcome. [Elana's lounge.] A vampire attacks her but Stefan arrives. STEFAN: Are you ok? Are you ok? DAMON: How did he get in? ELENA: He was invited in. STEFAN: He posed as a pizza delivery guy last night. DAMON: Well, he gets points fothat. Did he say what he wanted? ELENA: No. He was too busy trying to kill me. STEFAN: And you have no idea who this is? DAMON: No. Don't look at me like that. I told you we had company. ELENA: You think there's more than one? DAMON: We don't know. STEFAN: Damon, he was invited in. DAMON: Then we go get him tonight. STEFAN: You up for it? ELENA: What do I have to do? DAMON: Let your boyfriend take you to the dance. Well see who shows up. STEFAN: That's a bad idea. DAMON: Till we get him, this house isn't safe. For anyone who lives in it. It's worth a shot. ELENA: I'll do it. I'll be with the two of you. I'll be safe. [At the party.] JENNA: Alaric. ALARIC: Hey, look at you. JENNA: I figured I'd stand out less if I dressed up. ALARIC: Heh heh. Liar. JENNA: Ok, I'm a sucker for the decade dance. I went to school here, you know. They do the sixts and seventies, too, fyi. ALARIC: Oh. Can't wait. Can I get you a drink? I hear the punch is real boss. ELENA: Having fun? CAROLINE: No, but this took about 2 hours, so I'm at least staying half of that. BONNIE: What's Damon doing here? ELENA: He wanted to come. I promise. He'll behave. CAROLINE: So what is this, like, a threesome now, you and the Salvatore brothers? ELENA: No, but if I'm gonna be with Stefan, then I have to learn to tolerate Damon. It's not like I can kill him. BONNIE: There's a thought. CAROLINE: Mmm. I'll help. JENNA: I'm really starting to see a change in Jeremy. Finally. ALARIC: Uh, losing someone you love so suddenly, the, uh--the trauma and the grief ther are some of the tougher things 'll face in life. JENNA: From someone who knows. You have no idea what happened? ALARIC: That's the hard part, not knowing. JENNA: Is it ok to talk about your wife? ALARIC: Heh. There's not much to talk about. JENNA: That must be impossible to deal with, not having any answers. ALARIC: I'd be lying to you if I told you it didn't keep me up at night. Wondering why, by who. JENNA: Maybe one day. ALARIC: Hope so. Hope so. DAMON: Hi, Bonnie. Wanna dance? BONNIE: I'm out of here. DAMON: Please give me another chance. CAROLINE: Back off, Damon. ELENA: Where did they go? DAMON: I don't know. STEFAN: What did you say to them? DAMON: I was perfectly polite. Elena... Would you like to dance? ELENA: I would love to. (To Stefan) May I have is dance? ELENA: Shouldn't you guys be able to sense each other or something? STEFAN: No. Doesn't work that way. See him anywhere? ELENA: Not unless he has a pompadour. STEFAN: Heh. Wow. Was not one of the better fashion trends. ELENA: Come on. I'm sure you looked great back then. Are there pictures? STEFAN: No. Burned. Buried. ELENA: Seriously, what was it like, the fifties? 'cause in my mind, I have this picture of somewhere between "American bandstand," "Grease." It's all varsity sweaters and milkshakes. STEFAN: Well, that and, you know, mccarthyism and segregation and nuclear arms race. ELENA: Ok, but there were poodle skirts. STEFAN: There were poodle skirts. ELENA: You're so teaching me how to do the hand jive. STEFAN: No. That's not gonna happen. ELENA: Ooh! ANNA: You neglected to mention this was a theme party. JEREMY: What are you doing here? ANNA: Well, seeing you also neglected to invite me, I took matters into my own hands. JEREMY: You're doin' that thing again. ANNA: What thing would that be? JEREMY: That thing where you pretend we're dating, Even though we're not. ANNA: Oh, you mean stalking. Yeah. Heh. Get over yourself. Come on. I've never been to a school dance before. Humor me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Grill.] BONNIE: Let's sit up there. CAROLINE: Be a little more obvious, Bonnie. BONNIE: Don't rain on my hot-guy parade. CAROLINE: What? It's just a drizzle. Ben McKittrick? Really? BONNIE: He's hot. CAROLINE: He's a washed-up jock who pours drinks for a living. You could do way better. Hi. MATT: What's up? [At the party.] ALARIC: Yeah, I don't recognize you. How'd you get roped into chaperoning? Alaric Saltzman. I'm the new history teacher. DAMON: Ah, the, uh, cursed faculty position. ALARIC: So I've been told. DAMON: Damon. Salvatore. ALARIC: Salvatore, as in, uh, Stefan? DAMON: He's my little brother I'm his legal guardian, hence the chaperoning. ALARIC: I hear he's very bright, not that I've had a chance to see for myself. DAMON: Well, his attendance record's a little spotty. Family drama. ALARIC: Parents? DAMON: Mm, it's just the two of us now. ALARIC: You, uh--you live here your whole life? DAMON: On and off. Travel a bit. ALARIC: Really? Where? DAMON: Around the States? Heh. I'm sorry. I'm nosy. I--I don't mn to pry. Look, it was nice meeting you. DAMON: You, too. ALARIC: Enjoy the rest of the dance. [Mystic Grill.] CAROLINE: Tonight was so much better on paper. BONNIE: Ah, you're just feeling sorry for yourself. Go and talk to him. Be bold and fearless. CAROLINE: Yeah, this coming from the girl who's been eye stalking the bartender. BONNIE: You're right. BONNIE: Hi. BEN: Twice in one day. Lucky me. BONNIE: I'm proving something to my friend. BEN: Oh, yeah? What's that? BONNIE: That you don't have to sit around and wait for a guy to come up to you. BEN: Does that mean that you're asking me out on a date? BONNIE: Does that mean you want me to? BEN: Well, what did you have in mind? BONNIE: Do you like karaoke? BEN: No. But I would really like to go on a date with you. CAROLINE: Seriously? MATT: Is that for me? CAROLINE: Do you see anyone else in the vicinity? MATT: Do you need something? CAROLINE: Are you mad at me or something? MATT: No, care. I'm not mad. I-- CAROLINE: Well, then why are you being so weird? MATT: I'm not. I'm working. CAROLINE: You're avoiding. MATT: No. I have a table to clean. You know, that's the kind of thing that washed-up jocks do to make a living. [At the party.] JEREMY: You don't go to school here. You know, you don't have to help. ANNA: Oh, I don't mind. It's fun. Oh, um, yeah. Before I forget, can I borrow your anctor's journal? JEREMY: Why? ANNA: You said I could read it. JEREMY: Uh, I don't have it. ANNA: Oh. Well, obviously you didn't bring it here, Uh, but I can walk you home. JEREMY: No. I mean, I gave it to my history teacher. ANNA: Wait. Why did you give it to him? JEREMY: Because he wanted to read it. ANNA: You know, you shouldn't be giving that to just anybody. JEREMY: But I should give it to you? ANNA: Loan. Loan it to me. JEREMY: Well, I loaned it to Mr. Saltzman. ANNA: Maybe he's in his classroom. We can get it back. JEREMY: What's the big deal with the stupid journal? Your eye. ANNA: Um, there's something in it. Forget it. I gotta go. ELENA: Maybe he's not gonna show. STEFAN: You mean we did all this dancing for nothing? ELENA: Ahh. The horror. STEFAN: I'm really sorry for all this. ELENA: It's my choice. I decided to be here. I officially signed up for it, wo I don't wanna hear you apologizing anymore. Show me how it's done in the fifties. STEFAN: Uh, no. ELENA: Come on. One move? Stefan makes Elena dance. STEFAN: Now you remember that, because it's never gonna happen again. [In the corridor.] MAN: What a you doing here? ANNA: Trying to get the journal, as in sticking to the plan, something you're not doing. Leave the girl alone. MAN: I like her. She looks like Katherine. ANNA: She's not Katherine. Ok, Katherine is in the tomb. MAN: I know, but until we open that tomb, I got her to play with. ANNA: Dot be stupid. That girl is with the Salvatore brothers. MAN: They don't scare me. They never have. ANNA: Please, no. Don't do this. You're gonna ruin everything. MAN: You got noth' to worry about.I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. You will get what you came for. Just let me have my fun. She looks like Katherine. [At the party.] ELENA: You really can't take him anywhere, can you? STEFAN: Uh, no. ELENA: Stefan, the back corner. STEFAN: Get Damon. Stefan fights the boy. BOY: What did I do? STEFAN: Where is he? BOY: I was getting a soda, and then this guy gave me his hoodie. Elena is searching Damon. Her cell phone rings. MAN: Hello, elena. Here's what you're going to do. There's an exit door behind you. You have 5 seconds. ELENA: No. MAN: Or your brother dies. I can snap his neck so fast I bet there's not even a witness. Start walking. MAN: Don't you dare touch him. Keep walking. Through the door. Elena is running, but the vampire attacks her. She tries to defend herself. ELENA: Ahh! Stefan and Damon arrives. DAMON: Hey, dickhead. Nobody wants to kill you. Just wanna talk. STEFAN: Now you feel like talkin'? MAN: Screw you. STEFAN: Wrong answer. Why are you doing this? MAN: Cause it's fun. STEFAN: What do you want with Elena? MAN: She looks like Katherine. DAMON: You knew Katherine? MAN: Oh. You thought you were the only ones. You don't even remember me. DAMON: Tell me how to get in the tomb. Hmm? MAN: No. MAN: The grimoire. DAMON: Where is it? MAN: Check the journal. The journal. Jonathan gilbert's. STEFAN: Who else is working with you? DAMON: Who else is the? MAN: No. You're gonna have to kill me. ELENA: What do we--how are you gonna find the others now? DAMON: He had to die. ELENA: But... STEFAN: Elena, he's been invited in. Alaric arrives. STEFAN: Go. I got this. ALARIC: Hey. DAMON: What were you doing? ALARIC: Looking for Ms. Hilden. DAMON: Why are you in Mystic Falls? AMARIC: I got a job as a teacher. DAMON: Do you know what I am? ALARIC: You're my student's brother. DAMON: Is everything you're telling me the truth? ALARIC: Yes. DAMON: Then forget we had this conversation. Alaric had vervain in his hand. DAMON: There's no way that idiot was workin' alone. STEFAN: You are. So the grimoire... That was Emily's, right? That's what you need to reverse the spell. When the founding families burned her, they took her things, and you were hoping that dad's journal would tell you where it is. DAMON: Look at you puttin' the pieces together. Good for you. I was half-right. Well, it's out there now. Let the games begin. STEFAN: My offer still stands. DAMON: Yeah, with some hidden caveats, no doubt. STEFAN: No. Nothing hidden about it. No lies. No deception. I'm there when you open up that tomb, you and Katherine go, And the other 26 vampires die. DAMON: If I agree? STEFAN: I'll help you. DAMON: Why should I trust you? STEFAN: Because I'm your brother. DAMON: No, that's not gonna cut it. STEFAN: Because I want you gone. DAMON: Ok. [Mystic Grill.] CAROLINE: Look I said something stupid. I'm sorry, but I wasn't even taing about you. MATT: Yes, you were, Caroline. Ben could easily be me. We're just alike. CAROLINE: That's not true. Are you seriouy mad about this? Matt, you know me. Ok, I say stupid things without thinking, and then I have to apologize and take it back, and... I'm a terrible, awful person, but I'm rking on it. MATT: Look, can we just not do this right now? CAROLINE: Ok. When do you get off? MATT: Look, this thing we've got, it's nice, and it feels really good, and I know you want take the next step. CAROLINE: How do you know that? Have you even asked me? MATT: I'm--I'm not over elena. I mean, I don't know if I am, but if we go there, then it could mess things up, and we might lose this, and this is the only good this I've got going for me right now. So if it doesn't work, I'll just disappoint you and hurt you, and I don't wanna do that. CAROLINE: Well, big problem, Matt, because you took the next step all by yourself, and you played the whole thing out in your head, and you decided to bail before even giving it a shot. So this really great thing that we have, don't worry about losing it, 'cause it's already gone. [Elena's house.] JENNA: Thank you. I needed that. ALARIC: Well, thank you for--for coming. I--I really appreciate it. You made the evening much more... Well, you made it, period. JENNA: I'm glad I could help. ALARIC: And thank you for puttinup with all that wife talk. I--I gotta stop doin' that. It doesn't bode well for dating. JENNA: Is that what this was, a date? ALARIC: No, definitely not a date. JENNA: Oh. ALARIC: But Friday... You, me, and dinner and a movie, that could be a date. How about it? JENNA: Works for me. Heh. Uh, you can talk about your wife all you want. It's gonna take time to heal. We should just be ourselves. ALARIC: Still, I think I'll keep the Isabelle talk to a minimum. JENNA: Isabelle? ALARIC: Yeah. That was her name. JENNA: Where was Isabelle from? ALARIC: From Virginia. I mean, not too- -not too far from here, actually. [On the road.] MATT: Caroline! Care, get in the truck. CAROLINE: What? Matt kiss her. MATT: This'll never work. [Elena's house.] STEFAN: Doing ok? ELENA: Is it weird if I say yes? STEFAN: Is it true? ELENA: I should feel more upset or scared or something, but I... Feel kind of exhilarated. STEFAN: It's the adrenaline. You'll crash soon enough. ELENA: Yeah, I guess. I fought back tonight. It felt good. STEFAN: I wish you didn't have to fight at all. ELENA: Still... STEFAN: I need to tell you something, And I don't know how you're gonna feel about it. ELENA: What? STEFAN: I told Damon that I'd help him get into that tomb to get Katherine back. But it was a lie. I let him believe that he could trust me. ELENA: Well, then why would you be worried about telling me? STEFAN: Because he can be very persuasive, and you two have bonded lately. ELENA: That doesn't mean I trust him. It's gonna take a lot more than just a road trip and a rescue for me to forget who Damon is and everytng he's done. STEFAN: I don't wanna be his enemy, Rlena, but I can't let him do it. ELENA: Then don't, and I'll help you, whatever it takes. Ok? STEFAN: Ok. Come here. [Front of the Mystic Grill.] Anna and Ben are vampires. BEN: Don't sneak up on me. ANNA: You love it. BEN: Where's Noah? ANNA: His obsession got the best of him, and so did the salvatore brothers. BEN: They killed him? ANNA: Tortured and staked. BEN: You're not very upset. ANNA: I warned him, Ben, and he was just gonna screw everythingp anyway. Let's be honest. He wasn't exactlan asset. How do you do? BEN: Oh, the witch is totally crushing on me. Did you get the journal? ANNA: No, but I know where it is, and I'll get it. She kisses him.

As Stefan and Damon try to figure out the identity of the new vampire in town, Stefan gives Elena more vervain-filled jewelry to protect her family and friends. Strapped for money, Matt takes a job as a busboy at the Mystic Grill, where former high school football-star Ben works as a bartender. Ben comes to Bonnie's aid when he notices Damon is bothering her. Damon and Stefan accompany Elena to a school dance with a 1950s theme, where Alaric introduces himself to Damon. Noah, ( Dillon Casey )the vampire that has been stalking Elena is killed by Stefan and Damon. Before dying, he reveals that the way to get into the tomb lies in the Gilbert journal. While Jenna and Alaric are walking home from the party, Alaric tells Jenna that his wife was named Isobel, the same name as Elena's birth mother. Meanwhile, Anna keeps on trying to get close to Jeremy, because she wants to get her hands on his ancestor's journal. At the end, it is revealed that both Anna and Ben are vampires and appear to be romantically involved with each other.

fd_FRIENDS_05x18

fd_FRIENDS_05x18_0

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.] Joey: Okay, pick a card. Chandler: Okay. (He picks the 9 of Spades) Joey: All right now, memorize it. (Pause) You got it? Chandler: Oh yes. Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.) Chandler: (pause) Yes. (Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.) Carol: (entering with Ben and Ross) Hey guys! Ross: Hi! Chandler: Hi there! Ben: Hi!! Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial! Phoebe: What are you talking about?! Ross: (sets Ben down) Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning. Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition. Ross: I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings... Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?! Chandler: That. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating breakfast, Ross is heading for the bathroom.] Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, gotta go! Wish me luck! Joey: Luck! Chandler: Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts? Rachel: Uh well, y'know what? I don't think if I feel comfortable stealing on my very first day... Chandler: Unwilling to steal from work, interesting. Monica: Besides, if anybody's gonna get free stuff, it's gonna be me. Rachel: Okay guys, way to wish me luck! All: Good luck! Go get 'em! (Rachel exits.) Phoebe: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend. Joey: Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month. Phoebe: Yeah but if we throw her a party on her birthday, then it's not a surprise. Monica: I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends. Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!! Ross: (from the bathroom) Okay!! Joey: Done. Phoebe: Okay, great so do you want to do it together? Monica: I would love to do it together! (Joey starts to giggle.) Joey: They're gonna do it together. Chandler: Dude! That's my girlfriend! Joey: What, so I gotta shut it down now? Ross: All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition. Monica: It's gonna be weird to watch some actor pretending to be Ben's dad. Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Weirder than watching his two moms make out? (Monica nods in agreement.) Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial? Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it. Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather. Ross: You're not his godfather. Joey: What?! Are you kidding?! Ross: (Pause) Of course I am! (Joey is relieved) Okay, let's go godfather. Joey: All right! (As they walk out he motions to Chandler that he is still Ben's godfather.) [Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.] Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition! Ross: Really? That's great! Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her... Carol: (noticing a kid who has picked up a copy of Variety to read) Hey, that kid looks familiar. Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad.... Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.) Joey: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad? Ross: Joey, you look nothing like Ben. Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.) Carol: Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that. [Scene: Rachel's new job, she's in her new boss's office (Kim's) and with the other assistant (Nancy). Together they're deciding what clothes to buy or something, who knows, let's all watch/read to find out.] Kim: So it's down to these two, Nancy I know you like this one and I think I agree. Rachel, what do you think? Rachel: Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric (On the other one.) Sorry. Kim: Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them--I'm kidding. Nancy: She is kidding, but don't ever disagree with her again. Okay, now I'm kidding! Rachel: (laughing nervously) Oh, what a fun office. Kim: I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back? (They all get up to leave.) Kim: (at the door) Rachel? Do you smoke? Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories...(stops and tries to change directions)...about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is telling Chandler and Monica about her day.] Rachel: ...and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me! Monica: That doesn't seem fair. Rachel: I know! It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisoning habit! Chandler: Yeah, it is the best. Rachel: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson? Monica: Rachel, you can go down there, you don't have to smoke. Just say you wanna get some fresh air. Rachel: Yeah, I can do that. Chandler: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke. Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Hey Rach, you wanna get some coffee? Rachel: I would love to! Phoebe: Oh good! Chandler: Yeah, I wanna go to babe. Phoebe: Oh good. (They all start out.) Phoebe: Oh wait, I change my mind! (She slams the door on them.) Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas! (Holds up a cocktail napkin.) Monica: Yeah, me too! (Runs and grabs her 3-ring binder of ideas.) Phoebe: Oh, look at that. Monica: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food. Phoebe: What happened to the intimate dinner party? Monica: Oh, we're not doing that. Okay... Phoebe: So wow, it looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot, co-host. Monica: What?! I didn't take care of everything, there's-there's plenty of things for you to do! Phoebe: Like what? Monica: (Thinks) Cups. Phoebe: Cups? You're giving me cups? Monica: And ice! Phoebe: Cups and ice? Ooh, I get to be in charge of cups and ice? (Thinks of something) All right. Fine, okay, I will be in charge of cups and ice! Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant... Phoebe: I got it! Mine! Ross: (entering, downtrodden) Hi. Monica: Hey! How'd the audition go?! Ross: Not so good. Monica: Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's (sadly) "Audition didn't go so well. (Happily) Yeah it did?" Ross: (Pause) Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition! Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback. Monica: You got a callback too didn't you? Joey: (Happily) Yeah I did! [Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel is out to join Kim and Nancy.] Kim: Hey Rachel, what are you doing out here? Rachel: Oh well, it's kinda lonely up there, so I just thought I would come out here and get some fresh air. Kim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection. Rachel: Oh great! Kim: So anyway we really... (Someone exhales and Rachel turns and coughs.) Honey, we're just smoking all over you. Nancy: Oh, sorry! Rachel: Oh that's okay. Kim: No-no-no, we'll move you just stay right there. (They walk away.) Nancy: So anyway I sent the designs over to Ralph and he's very excited about the line. Kim: Oh that's great! You are the best! (Rachel gets fed up and heads over to another smoker.) Rachel: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? (He holds up his pack.) Y'know what, actually... (She takes the one he's smoking and heads over to where Nancy and Kim are standing and laughing.) Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here? Nancy: I thought you didn't smoke. Rachel: Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, "Wow, those guys are crazy!" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time. Kim: We get high. Rachel: Oh, me too. Kim: I'm kidding. Rachel: (Laughs) Oh, me too. [Scene: Ben and Joey's (Isn't that an ice cream??) callback.] Ross: Oh God, this is so nerve wracking! How-how do you do this? Joey: Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so... Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition? Joey: Who knows? The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much. Ross: Yes!! I knew it!! (To the people who didn't make it.) Bye-bye! So long! Later! Joey: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad! Ross: Yeah! The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.) Joey: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird. Ross: Yeah, it is. Kyle: Yeah. It's gonna be weird. Ross: No, we-we're gonna be like best friends, that's why it's gonna be weird. Kyle: Oh, oh, I thought we were just talking. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are talking.] Phoebe: (entering, carrying two garbage bags) Hey! Ross and Chandler: Hi! Phoebe: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party? Chandler: Ah sure. What's in 'em? Phoebe: Umm, cups. Chandler: Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water. Ross: Seriously that's a lot of cups. Phoebe: Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice. Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once...didn't get a whole lot else done. Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey! Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey! Ross: Hey! Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something. Ross: What's up? Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition. Ross: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man. Joey: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here! Ross: Well, you just... Joey: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben! Ross: What?! Joey: What? Chandler! Tell 'em! Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.) Ross: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad. Joey: At least I care about his feelings! Ross: What?! Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesn't get it? Ross: And why wouldn't he get it? Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger! Ross: Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid? Joey: You just give him a spoon baby! Ross: Oh yeah? I guess we'll just see! Joey: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch! Ross: You're kid's name is Raymond! Joey: Yeah?! So's yours! [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there as Rachel enters.] Monica: (To Rachel) How did work go? Rachel: Oh it was great! It was great! I went down there just like you said, y'know? And we talked business. Kim totally took my opinions. Monica: You stink! Rachel: Thanks! Monica: No, I'm-I'm serious! Rachel: Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success. Chandler: Okay, there's something different though--Oh my God! You smoked! Rachel: I did not! Chandler: Yes you did! You look happy and sick; you smoked! Rachel: All right, fine! But I had too! I had to do it for my career! Chandler: I wish I had smoked for my career... Monica: That's so gross! Rachel: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up. Chandler: Okay, but you gotta push past this because it is about to get so good! Monica: Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding. (She's not; she stands and walks away. Chandler moves closer.) Chandler: I think you smell great! (He sniffs her shoulder.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel, Kim, and Nancy are all puffing away on their cancer sticks.] Kim: So, we're decided, no on plaid, yes on pink? Nancy: Absolutely! Rachel: I am so on board! (She throws away her recently lit cigarette.) Kim: Rachel didn't you just light that? Rachel: Yeah, I did, but y'know what? I am really, really trying to cut back, y'know? (Laughs) Good luck, Rach. Nancy: I've actually been thinking about quitting lately. Kim: Oh sure, every Sunday night I'm telling myself I'm quitting but every Monday morning it's like (Mimics chain smoking.) Nancy: Tell me about it! Rachel: Well then let's just quit! We'll just quit! Let's all quit! Kim: It does sound appealing. Nancy: Oh, I never could do it. Rachel: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get--what are those--those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters! Kim: Oh y'know, we really should quit. Okay, let's quit! Rachel: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it! (She grabs their cigarettes and lighters and throws them in the trash.) Kim: My late husband gave me that lighter. (Rachel laughs.) I'm not kidding. Rachel: Okay then! (She starts rummaging through the trash to find Kim's lighter.) [Scene: Joey and Ben's audition, Joey is rehearsing his lines, uh correction, Joey is rehearsing his line.] Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup! Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room? Joey: Oh yeah, no problem. Carol: Thanks. (Exits.) Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle. Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey! Joey: (angrily) Ross! Ross: (angrily) Ben! (Pause.) (Happily.) I mean, Ben! Ben! The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up. (Raymond and Joey go in the office.) Joey: Hi! The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.) Joey: Uh-oh. The Casting Director: Is there a problem? Joey: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup. The Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup." Joey: Oh, what did I say? The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup. Joey: How's that different? (She looks at him until he gets it.) Oh! Yeah! The Casting Director: All right, let's try one. (Raymond and Joey both eat a spoonful and Joey turns to Raymond and says...) Joey: Hmm, noodle soup. The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again. Joey: Okay. (They do it again.) Joey: Hmm, soup. (Pause.) I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup! Raymond: COME ON!!!! The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on. Joey: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! (Eats another spoonful) Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! (Storms out.) [Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are cheating and are caught by Rachel.] Rachel: Hey! Hey-hey-hey!! Kim: Uh-oh, busted! Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters! Kim: Yeah. That didn't work out. Nancy: Rachel we tried to quit, but it was too hard! Rachel: Well y'know if you, if you started smoking again you could've at least told me! Come on, give me one of those! What are we talking about? Kim: No. No! You're doing great! Don't you give up! That's why we didn't tell you and we're not gonna drag you down with us. Rachel: Oh wait, no-no-no! Drag me down. Drag-drag me down. Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on! Rachel: Okay. (Starts to walk away.) Kim: (to Nancy) So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip. Rachel: (hearing that) Oh man! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc] Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.) Chandler: Great job with the cups, Pheebs! Monica: (overhearing that) Why don't you just go out with her! (Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.) Phoebe: (following him) And did you notice the ice? (Gestures to 3 huge buckets of ice on the table.) Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! (Pours some water onto the dry ice, causing it to evaporate/smoke.) Ahhh! Mystical! Chandler: Awesome! Monica: Chandler! Everyone--no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones! Chandler: There are snow cones! (Monica glares at him.) Snow cones! Yuck! Monica: Y'know...go! Go! Right there! (Points) Chandler: Thank you! Thank you! (Runs to the snow cone machine.) (Rachel enters.) Phoebe: (noticing her) Oh, look! Look! Look! All: Surprise!! Rachel: What?! What?! My birthday's not for another month! Monica: That's the surprise! Rachel: Oh my God! You guys this is so great! I mean it's so unexpected! I mean Chandler's birthday is even before mine! (Everyone stops and looks at Chandler, who's nodding.) All: Surprise! Rachel: Wow! This is great! Look at all these cups! This is so weird. Phoebe: I was in charge of cups. Rachel: Oh, okay, not so weird. [Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.] Ross: Hey! Joey: Hey. Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well. Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.) Ross: No really, I-I am! I feel bad! Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.) Ross: Yeah y'know what? Maybe-maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck, maybe you messed up because you care more about uh, your godson. Joey: What you do mean? Ross: I think, sub-consciously... Joey: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me. Ross: (pause) I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part. Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor... Ross: No! Joey: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed. Ross: There you go. Thank you! Joey: Thank you! So, did-did he get it? Ross: No. Joey: Eh, what are you gonna do? Ending Credits [Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are out smoking as Chandler sticks his head out the door.] Chandler: (to Kim and Nancy) Oh, hi! Excuse me, is uh Rachel Green here? I was supposed to meet her for lunch. Kim: Oh, she doesn't come down here any more. You can find her up on ten. Chandler: Okay, great. (Kim exhales and Chandler stares at it longingly.) Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.) Chandler: I'll catch you guys later. (Exits.)

Rachel attempts smoking to feel more included at work with her boss and co-worker. Joey auditions for a soup commercial with Ben playing his son. When the director pairs Ben with another father, Joey is left in the uncomfortable position of competing with his friend's son. Monica and Phoebe plan Rachel's birthday party, but when Monica takes over, leaving Phoebe in charge of only cups and ice, Phoebe goes all out.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_01x18

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_01x18_0

1. EXTERIOR - TIME TRAVELLERS' TENT (IAN cuts through the tent, and sneaks up behind the guard. However, the guard offers no resistance. IAN turns him over. The guard is dead, having been stabbed through the chest.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. THE BAMBOO FOREST (ACOMAT and the MONGOL warriors are hidden in the bamboo forest. ACOMAT turns to the Mongol warrior next to him.) ACOMAT: Are the men in position? MONGOL: The caravan is surrounded, my lord. ACOMAT: Do they know the signal to attack? MONGOL: Each one has been told that lord Tegana will wave a burning torch. ACOMAT: Then we shall watch for it. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INTERIOR - TIME TRAVELLERS' TENT (IAN rushes back into the time travellers' tent. The others immediately note his agitated state.) DOCTOR: What's the matter? Did you kill him? IAN: No, of course not. He was dead. BARBARA: Dead? IAN: Yes, he's been stabbed. BARBARA: Bandits? IAN: They must be just on the point of attacking us. SUSAN: Grandfather, what are we going to do? DOCTOR: Well, continue with our plan, get the keys, and get out of here as soon as possible. SUSAN: (Looking out the tent.) Tegana! IAN: We're already too late, Doctor. The only thing I can do now is warn Marco. BARBARA: Be careful, Ian. IAN: I will. (IAN rushes out of the tent.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. MARCO POLO'S TENT (IAN creeps into POLO's tent, and attempts to wake POLO.) IAN: Marco, Marco... wake up. (POLO mumbles, reaching for his sword.) IAN: No, no, it's all right. (POLO turns sleepily towards IAN.) IAN: Marco, the guard's dead, I think we're in for a bandit attack. POLO: (Immediately sitting up.) Bandits? Where's Tegana? IAN: He's outside. I didn't tell him - I thought it best to tell you first. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. EXTERIOR - CAMP (POLO and IAN rush out of the tent and join Tegana, who is standing next to the fire.) POLO: Tegana, wake the bearers. TEGANA: What is it? POLO: Bandits. TEGANA: (Gesturing towards IAN.) What's he doing free? POLO: Never mind about that. A guard's been killed. Now, wake the bearers and get some swords, quickly. Call the others. IAN: (Calling to their tent.) Doctor, Susan, Barbara, quickly, here. (The DOCTOR, BARBARA and SUSAN emerge from the tent.) POLO: Miss Wright, Susan, go into the tent and stay there. SUSAN: What about Ping-Cho? POLO: Now, she sleeps now, but if she wakes up, make sure she stays with you. BARBARA: Yes. (SUSAN and BARBARA enter PING-CHO's tent just as TEGANA reappears. He is heavily armed.) POLO: Are the bearers awake? TEGANA: Yes, they've taken their positions around the edge of the camp. POLO: (Handing a sword to IAN.) Do you know how to use one of these? IAN: No, but given half a chance, I'll learn. DOCTOR: Pardon me... POLO: (Handing a sword to the DOCTOR.) If you're half as aggressive with this as you are with your tongue Doctor, we can't lose. IAN: How many of them are there likely to be? POLO: Oh, more than enough for us. DOCTOR: Well, we look a bit silly standing here, don't we? POLO: Then what do you suggest we do? DOCTOR: Use TARDIS. POLO: (Suspiciously.) Your caravan? To go where? DOCTOR: Yes, get out of here, anywhere where it's place... where it's safe. TEGANA: Look, this is another of the magician's tricks. I don't believe there are any bandits. POLO: Tegana, a guard is dead. TEGANA: (Indicating the DOCTOR and IAN.) Could they have not killed him? What better way to give this lie the ring of truth. IAN: Not everyone lives by your standards, Tegana. TEGANA: Well, where are these bandits if there are any? Why haven't they attacked? I warn you Marco, if you go in their caravan, they will surely destroy you. DOCTOR: If you believe that Polo, you're a bigger fool that even I think you are. POLO: You deceived me before, Doctor. No, we will not use your caravan. If there are bandits, we shall fight. DOCTOR: (Waving the sword.) Well, we're not going to get very far with this overgrown bread knife! We shall have to use more enterprise than this. IAN: The Doctor's right, Marco. We need more than these swords. (IAN glances around their surroundings.) IAN: Wait a minute... perhaps we can outwit them! POLO: How? IAN: We'll use this bamboo. POLO: (Surprised.) Well, what good will that do? IAN: If we throw it on the fire, it will expand and blow up. It's a terrifying noise. It's worth a chance, Marco. POLO: Let us hope time is our ally. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. THE BAMBOO FOREST (ACOMAT and the Mongols continue waiting in the forest. Their impatience with TEGANA grows by the minute...) ACOMAT: What keeps him then? The moon will soon rise to deny us darkness. MONGOL: Perhaps he is sleeping. ACOMAT: True. He is not as young as we are. Tell the others, that unless he signals before the moon's first light, we attack then. MONGOL: As my lord commands. ACOMAT: But, not with stealth, as lord Tegana wished. We'll make sport of it. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. EXTERIOR - CAMP (IAN and POLO have collected a large pile of bamboo. As they arrange the bamboo, POLO considers the implication of recent events.) POLO: (Contemplating to himself.) Does the lamb conceal the wolf, or the wolf the lamb? (POLO turns to IAN...) POLO: Were you trying to escape? IAN: Yes. POLO: It was very reckless of you. IAN: It was the only thing we could do. POLO: Even though failure might have meant death? IAN: We hoped we'd succeed. POLO: Tell me, Ian, what were you going to do to me? IAN: Take the key from you, and use you as a hostage until we were safely at the TARDIS. POLO: Then, I shall have to be more careful in future. IAN: Marco, I wish I could explain to you how important the TARDIS is to us. POLO: And I wish I could explain to you, Ian, how important it is to me. (IAN looks into the sky, realising it is useless to continue with the argument.) TEGANA: The moon will soon be up. POLO: Yes, we must gamble that the attack comes now. Tegana, wake the bearers. TEGANA: They are alert, Marco. IAN: All three of them, that makes seven. (IAN glances around, and notices that the Doctor has fallen asleep next to the fire.) IAN: We can wake the Doctor. Marco, the bamboo will need time to heat up. POLO: Yes, we must gamble that the attack comes now. (IAN and POLO commence throwing the bamboo on to the fire.) TEGANA: (Outraged.) There are no bandits! This was all a ruse. (Suddenly, the bandits begin to emerge from the forest surrounding them...) IAN: A ruse Tegana? POLO: (Raising his sword for battle.) Good luck, Ian. (IAN rushes over to the sleeping DOCTOR, and shakes him.) IAN: Doctor - wake up. The bandits! (The DOCTOR hands a box of matches to IAN. IAN quickly lights the pile of bamboo with a match.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. THE BAMBOO FOREST (The bandits move in...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. EXTERIOR - CAMP (Suddenly, the attack commences. The camp is filled with the sounds of swords clashing, and men screaming. POLO's bearers desperately attempt to hold off the attackers. ACOMAT notices TEGANA, and smiles scornfully.) ACOMAT: (Yelling.) So, the mighty Warlord is awake! (Before ACOMAT can say another word, TEGANA rushes forward and kills him. Suddenly, amidst the confusion, the bamboo on the fire begins to explode. Screaming in terror, the Mongol warriors rush back into the forest.) IAN: (Laughing.) They're running! They're running! (The DOCTOR laughs triumphantly as the group happily celebrate their victory. BARBARA, SUSAN and PING-CHO emerge from their tent.) IAN: We've won! we've won! (SUSAN and PING-CHO hug each other in relief.) SUSAN: What was the explosion? POLO: Bamboo... the bandits thought there were devils in the fire, and fled. DOCTOR: No, it wasn't the devils in the fire. Their leader was killed. That's why they broke up and ran. TEGANA: Well, in battle all men face death. DOCTOR: And few expect to meet it. Hmmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL POLO: (Writing in journal.) At sunrise, we buried the dead, broke camp, travelled to the edge of the bamboo forest, and out beyond it onto the plain. But at midday, as we were all tired after the events of the previous night, I ordered a halt. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. EXTERIOR - MAIN TENT (The caravan has halted momentarily in the middle of an arid plain. The DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA are sitting around a table outside the "yurta" (the main tent). They are discussing the events of the previous night.) BARBARA: (Slamming a fist onto the table.) Surely he can't punish us! By trying to escape - we saved his life. DOCTOR: If that fool had any decency at all, he'd let us go. IAN: I doubt if he'll do that Doctor. DOCTOR: Well, then we must go on trying to escape. The circuit's finished, and all we need are those keys. IAN: That's not going to be very easy, is it, after last night. Marco's bound to be on his guard. (POLO and TEGANA appear from the main tent. The DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA immediately become silent, refusing to meet Polo's eye.) POLO: I have a question to ask all of you. Will you promise, on your honour, not to attempt another escape? (There is no answer.) POLO: (Quietly.) So be it. DOCTOR: We sacrificed our freedom to save you. POLO: Yes I know, and in return, I revoke the seizure of your caravan by official decree. DOCTOR: (Sarcastically.) Huh! Very noble of you, I'm sure! IAN: What you're really saying, Marco, is that we're no longer Kublai Khan's prisoners - only yours, 'eh? POLO: That's right. DOCTOR: Thanks for nothing. POLO: All the freedoms you enjoyed before will be restored. Susan and Ping-Cho can share each other's company, and no guards will watch you by night. DOCTOR: And the keys to the TARDIS? POLO: As before, Doctor, they remain with me. And, I shall be guarded day and night. TEGANA: Marco, let me be your sword. POLO: (Forcefully.) You are in my charge, Tegana, not I in yours. (POLO strides back into the main tent. TEGANA hesitates a moment...) TEGANA: (To the DOCTOR.) Work your magic on him if you will, but make no move against me. (TEGANA re-enters the main tent.) IAN: He knows we're on to him. DOCTOR: Strange that Tegana should watch the fire - a sort of menial job he'd order a guard to do. BARBARA: How could he? The guard was dead. IAN: Tegana wasn't to know that, otherwise he'd have given the alarm. DOCTOR: Would he? IAN: You mean he was implicated in the attack? DOCTOR: Of course he was. The bandit knew him - I'm certain he did. BARBARA: Ian, do you remember that bandit we buried this morning? I knew I'd seen him somewhere before. He was in the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. DOCTOR: Yes, and he had to kill him or be exposed. IAN: But what's Tegana's game? What's he after? DOCTOR: My ship. IAN: Oh no, Doctor, he's terrified of it. It must be something else. Whatever it is, we're in the way, that's for sure. BARBARA: Marco too? IAN: I don't know - maybe. BARBARA: Well, shouldn't we warn... DOCTOR: No, no, sssh! We mustn't be impetuous. We must choose the right moment carefully. (The conversation is interrupted by the arrival of SUSAN and PING-CHO. They are accompanied by a young courier.) SUSAN: This is a courier from Kublai Khan. Have you seen Messr Marco? IAN: (Pointing towards the tent.) Yes, he's in there. PING-CHO: (To the courier.) Please be seated. LING-TAU: Thank you, my lady. PING-CHO: I will fetch him. (PING-CHO enters the main tent to find POLO.) SUSAN: (Introducing the courier.) His name is Ling-Tau. IAN: You look as though you've travelled far. LING-TAU: From the summer palace at Shang-Tu, my Lord. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INTERIOR - MAIN TENT (Sitting on his bunk, Polo has just completed his journal entry for the day. As he hides the TARDIS keys in the spine of the journal, PING-CHO enters.) POLO: What is it Ping-Cho? PING-CHO: A courier from the great Khan has arrived, Messr Marco. POLO: Ask him to wait, please. I'll be with him in a moment. (PING-CHO turns to walk off...) POLO: Ping-Cho, do I have your word not to tell anyone where these keys are? PING-CHO: (Quietly.) Yes, Messr Marco. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. EXTERIOR - MAIN TENT (Outside the tent, the DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA are talking to LING-TAU.) IAN: When did you leave Shang-Tu? LING-TAU: Yesterday, my lord. IAN: Yesterday! BARBARA: What! DOCTOR: But that's three hundred miles away, isn't it? LING-TAU: We change horses every league my lord. IAN: Every league! (LING-TAU indicates the bells around his waist.) LING-TAU: That's the reason we wear these, my lord - to warn the post-house of our arrival, and when we get there, a fresh horse is saddled and waiting, ready for the next three miles. BARBARA: And you ride without rest until you reach your destination? LING-TAU: Yes, my lady. DOCTOR: I would have thought it was a physical impossibility! LING-TAU: Our bodies would be shaken to pieces, my lord, were it not for these. Bound tight - like this one, on my head. (LING-TAU indicates his extra-tight riding breeches.) IAN: Tell me, are there many men who can ride such long distances without a break? LING-TAU: We are few, my lord. DOCTOR: Three hundred miles a days on horseback! Very few people can ride more than twenty five. LING-TAU: It's in our blood, my lord. We all come from the great steppes to the north. (POLO and PING-CHO appear from the main tent.) POLO: Courier! LING-TAU: My lord, Polo? POLO: I am he. LING-TAU: (Bowing.) The mighty Kublai Khan sends his greetings to his faithful servant. POLO: Thank you. (LING-TAU hands POLO a note.) POLO: Thank you. (POLO reads the note.) POLO: We must leave here at once. PING-CHO: Why, Messr Marco? POLO: Kublai Khan wishes to see me without delay. Six days hard riding from here is the city of Cheng-Ting, where we can take horses and ride on to Shang-Tu. PING-CHO: But our possessions, Messr Marco? POLO: They will have to follow on one of the many trade caravans that travels the route. DOCTOR: And the TARDIS? POLO: That too must follow on, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL POLO: (Writing in journal.) My only concern now is to reach the summer palace as quickly as possible. So within an hour, we were on the move again, and on the sixth day of our journey, the spires of Cheng-Ting could be seen on our horizon. By later afternoon, we had arrived at the way station of the White City, as Cheng-Ting is often called. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INTERIOR - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (The way station at Cheng-Ting is the most extravagant the travellers have stopped at so far. The manager of the way station, Wang-Lo, a portly and fussy man, greets them.) WANG-LO: And how long will you honour us with your presence, my lord? POLO: We have to ride to Shang-Tu tomorrow. WANG-LO: (Theatrically.) Oh how sad! (SUSAN and PING-CHO wander into view...) WANG-LO: Good day, my gracious ladies. Cheng-Ting is so delightful at this time of the year. (At that moment, the DOCTOR rushes into the room. He is in an agitated state.) DOCTOR: Well, where is it? POLO: What? DOCTOR: The TARDIS. (POLO shrugs.) DOCTOR: Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. WANG-LO: I was advised of your pending arrival, my lord Marco, by a courier who passed this way from Shang-Tu. DOCTOR: Polo? POLO: What is it now? DOCTOR: I thought you said the TARDIS was to be placed in the courtyard. WANG-LO: To what does the old lord refer? POLO: His caravan. WANG-LO: Oh, that's what it is! I had it moved. DOCTOR: Where to? WANG-LO: The stables, my lord. DOCTOR: The stables? WANG-LO: Well, I could hardly leave it in the hanging garden, my lord, now could I? POLO: It will be safe enough there, Doctor. What... er... when does the next commerce caravan leave for Shang-Tu? WANG-LO: Umm, the day after tomorrow, my lord. POLO: Will you see that all the baggage goes with it, including that caravan? WANG-LO: (Smiling broadly.) I shall make it a personal duty, my lord Marco. And now, if you step this way, I'll escort you to your apartment. POLO: Thank you. (As WANG-LO leads Polo away, the Doctor scowls. He turns to IAN and BARBARA...) DOCTOR: (Mimicking WANG-LO's sing-song voice.) "I could hardly have it placed in the hanging garden, now could I" What does he think it is? A potting shed, or something. BARBARA: Well it's better there than in the courtyard, Doctor. At least it's out of sight. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (SUSAN and PING-CHO are sitting next to the fish pond in the courtyard. They are watching the goldfish swim through the water.) SUSAN: Look at that one there. He's just like Wang-Lo, all fat, smooth and silky. And look at this one here - he's very solemn. He's just like Marco Polo. And look at this one dashing around all over the place. He's got Ian's energy. Ah, look, that one's all by itself. It's independent, like Barbara. (One of the goldfish suddenly hides by itself.) PING-CHO: There's you Susan, hmmm? A wicked goldfish. (SUSAN laughs.) SUSAN: Now, where are you Ping-Cho? Oh, look there - that little pretty one down there, with the wedding veil. (PING-CHO struggles to hold back the tears.) SUSAN: Oh, Ping-Cho, I'm sorry. PING-CHO: How I miss my home in Samarkand. And your home Susan? You've never told me about that. Is it so very far away? SUSAN: (Sadly.) Yes, it is. It's as far away as a night star. PING-CHO: But you can reach it from Venice, can't you? SUSAN: No, Ping-Cho, no, I can't. PING-CHO: And if Messr Marco does give your caravan to Kublai Khan, you will never see your home again? SUSAN: That's right. PING-CHO: I gave him my word Susan. I promised not to tell anyone where he put the key. SUSAN: And I promise you that no-one will ask you. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. STABLES - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (In the stables, TEGANA meets KUIJU, a sinister looking man wearing an eyepatch. There is a small monkey sitting on Kuiju's shoulder. The two of them are examining the TARDIS.) KUIJU: What is it, lord? TEGANA: A Warlord's tomb. I want it. Can you arrange to have it taken for me? KUIJU: Are you prepared to pay a good price? TEGANA: How much? (TEGANA offers KUIJU some paper currency.) KUIJU: We want gold, not Kublai Khan's paper money. TEGANA: You shall have it. KUIJU: In advance. TEGANA: One half tonight, the other half when I get the tomb. KUIJU: 100 golden pieces. TEGANA: You shall have it. KUIJU: That first part, my lord. When do I receive it? TEGANA: Tonight. KUIJU: The street of the beggars at midnight. TEGANA: I shall be there. KUIJU: (Chuckling.) So shall I. (As KUIJU walks off, TEGANA studies the TARDIS.) TEGANA: A Warlord's tomb. More than that, a Khan's throne for Noghai. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INTERIOR - CHENG-TING WAY STATION, MARCO POLO'S ROOM (POLO is putting away his journal, when there is a knock on the door.) POLO: Come in. (PING-CHO enters.) PING-CHO: It is dinner time, Messr Marco. POLO: Thank you, Ping-Cho. (POLO notices the state of his hands.) POLO: Oh dear, I have ink on my fingers. I will join you there. (As soon as POLO walks off to wash his hands, PING-CHO quickly removes a key from the spine of the journal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (Later on, PING-CHO meets with SUSAN in the courtyard.) PING-CHO: I have something to give you. SUSAN: What is it? PING-CHO: Can't you guess? SUSAN: No. PING-CHO: This. (PING-CHO hands over the key to an astonished SUSAN.) SUSAN: Ping-Cho! But you promised Messr Marco... PING-CHO:...not to tell anyone. I haven't. You don't know where I got it. SUSAN: But he'll be terribly angry! PING-CHO: (Smiling.) But one of us will be on their way home. (As they hug each other, TEGANA walks past.) TEGANA: Good night, ladies. PING-CHO: Good-night my lord. SUSAN: Do you think he saw it? PING-CHO: No, I don't think so. Let me go up to our room before you tell the others. SUSAN: Yes, all right. PING-CHO: You will say good-bye, won't you? SUSAN: Of course I will! (Beginning to cry.) Ping-Cho... what can I say? [SCENE_BREAK] 20. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (AT NIGHT) (Later that night, after everyone else has fallen asleep, the escape plan is put into operation. The Doctor and his companions sneak into the courtyard.) IAN: (Whispering.) Got the key Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, of course I have. (As they are about to enter the courtyard, IAN beckons for everyone to stop.) IAN: Get back - there's a guard. DOCTOR: Dear, dear, dear, dear, haven't you any ideas? IAN: Yes... yes I have. (IAN searches around the area, until he finds a goblet. He fills it up with water, and drunkenly approaches the guard, placing his arm around the guard's soldier. The guard is momentarily alarmed.) IAN: Why don't you have a drink? (IAN and the guard laugh drunkenly. Ian leads the guard away from the courtyard, holding the goblet teasingly in front of him.) SUSAN: (Looking around.) Ping-Cho... (As the Doctor and Barbara approach the TARDIS, SUSAN wanders off to find PING-CHO. Nearby, IAN suddenly turns around, and knocks the guard unconscious. The DOCTOR quickly places the key in the TARDIS lock, and opens the door... the DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA rush into the TARDIS console room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. INTERIOR - TARDIS (The DOCTOR immediately rushes around the console, setting levers and dials.) DOCTOR: All right Doctor, close the doors. (The DOCTOR presses the level on the console. The doors glide close...) IAN: Wait! Where's Susan? Where is she? BARBARA: She must have gone to say good-bye to Ping-Cho. DOCTOR: What on Earth does that child think she's doing? Great Olympus! IAN: Don't panic. Give her a second. I knocked out the guard. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (Outside in the courtyard, SUSAN meets up with PING-CHO. They sadly hug each other good-bye. SUSAN quickly rushes back to the TARDIS. Suddenly, TEGANA emerges from the darkness, and grabs SUSAN. SUSAN screams.) SUSAN: Grandfather!

Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of the famous Venetian explorer Marco Polo as it makes its way from the snowy heights of the Pamir Plateau, across the treacherous Gobi Desert and through the heart of imperial Cathay. Having witnessed many incredible sights and survived a variety of dangers, they arrive at the mighty Kublai Khan's Summer Palace in Shang-tu, where the Doctor strikes up an extraordinary friendship with the now-aged ruler. They move on at last to the even more sumptuous Imperial Palace in Peking, where the travellers save the Khan from an assassination attempt by the Mongol warlord Tegana - supposedly on a peace mission - before departing once more in the TARDIS.

fd_Angel_03x06

fd_Angel_03x06_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Wesley: "All those years she spent hiding out alone in that cave." Cordy: "The girl's trading one cave for another." Fred: "The vision's aren't from the powers!" Lilah: "There's a young man who's been unfairly imprisoned and - you're gonna save him." Angel: "I do this for you and you stop sending Cordy the killer visions." Lilah: "It's just business." Angel: "Don't you come at me through Cordelia ever again. You play that card a second time and I'll kill you." Angel: "Just trust me." Cordy: "I do." Hyperion, basement, Angel is standing behind Cordy, leaning in close. Angel: "Don't stiffen up." Cordy: "Yeah, you either." Cordy raises the sword in her hands and they start moving through an exercise with Angel Guiding her movements. Angel: "Alright. A good defense is about moving the line of attack. When the bad guy comes at you, you want to step off the line (His hands direct Cordy to turn) like this (he jumps back to avoid the sword slicing his belly open) creating a new one. Every time you do, your opponent will be forced to adjust. Always make the other guy work." Cordy: "Okay. Move the line. Then what?" Angel picks up a sword of his own. Angel: "Then - just keep moving the line. You'll be able to keep an attacker busy until... - You know." Cordy: "What? Until he dies of old age or until *you* swoop in to save me? Angel, I didn't ask you to train me so I could stave. I already know how to stave. *Now* I need to learn how to fight!" Angel: "You don't think that I would?" Cordy: "Would what?" Angel: "Save you." Cordy: "Men-folk not always around to protect the women-folk, you know? - Besides, what if it turned out *you* were the guy I had to fight? Could happen." Angel: "Okay." Angel raises his sword and takes a stance beside Cordy and she copies his movements. Angel: "When you put an adversary down, you wanna make sure he doesn't get up again. So, like I showed you..." They move through an exercise parallel to each other. Angel: "Force the other guy to counter and he'll open himself up something like this. We'll go half-speed until..." Angel puts his sword away. Cordy: "No need, I got it. Three years of Varsity Cheer Squad, I only ever had to be shown a move once." Angel: "You know, Cordelia, handling a lethal weapon is a *little* different from shaking a pom-pom." Cordy: "Ready! O-kay!" Cordy comes at Angel with the sword full-speed, ending with him up against the wall the sword inches away from his throat. Angel: "Easy - Ha, ha - Go team." Lilah is walking through the hall at Wolfram and Hart, her secretary on her heels. Lilah: "How long has he been here?" Secretary: "Security brought him in about twenty minutes ago." Lilah: "You should have pulled me out of that meeting the minute you heard anything. What about the family?" Secretary: "On their way." Lilah enters her office to see Gavin chatting with Billy - the guy Angel rescued from the fire-cage in that demon dimension. Gavin: "Lilah. - I was just keeping young Billy here company." Lilah: "Thanks awfully, Gavin. I'll take it from here. Billy, your family has been worried sick. Where have you been?" Billy: "Went for a walk." Lilah: "A walk. For three days?" Gavin: "The boy was feeling cooped up." Lilah: "Gavin, why don't you go - close an escrow or something? (Turns back to Billy) You're not supposed to be out on your own. You remember what happened the last time, don't you? You don't wanna end up in that awful place again, do you?" Congressman Blim: "Well, of course he doesn't. - No one wants that." Lilah turns to the new arrival: "Congressman." Blim: "I trust you managed to stay out of trouble this time, Billy?" Billy: "No trouble." Blim: "Lets go home. (To Lilah) Well, this is the second time you've returned our nephew safely to us. (Looks at Gavin) Thank you." Blim and Billy turn to go. Gavin: "Our pleasure." Lilah towards the departing backs: "Our pleasure in the sense that (door closes and she looks at Gavin) he had nothing to do with it." Gavin: "Nice boy." Lilah: "Yeah, Billy? He's great. Had his own private room in hell. Family connections. Oh - by the way - get out." Gavin: "I wasn't finished." Lilah: "No. You really were. To make myself clear - you go sniffing around one of my clients again, I think we're gonna have a problem." Gavin: "You *think?* Who told you, you could *think?* You know, why don't you try *listening* once in a while instead of constantly flapping that fat mouth of yours?" Lilah lets out a laugh: "You weren't exactly captain of the debate team, were you, Gavin? At least Lindsey knew how to..." Gavin grabs Lilah by the hair and smashes her into the glass shelves against the wall, then jumps on top of her, wrapping his hands around her neck and choking her. Walking down the hall outside a smile spreads slowly across Billy's face. Intro Wes' apartment, Gunn and Angel are sitting on the couch playing a video game. Fred is sitting on the arm of the couch next to Gunn watching. Wes is pouring Cordy a cup of tea in the kitchen. Wes: "It's inspiring to see you like this. The initiative you've shown in training with Angel. Taking responsibility. I'm proud of you." Cordy: "Well, never hurts to be prepared." Wes: "Hm. I agree. We should all be battle ready. Every one of us." Gunn from the other room: "Dead! So dead! So very, very dead. Just how dead are you, huh?" Angel: "I'm tired of being the dead one." Wes looking at the three of them through the open kitchen door. Wes: "I was thinking, perhaps I'd enter into a similar training arrangement with our Fred." Cordy: "Oh, hey, if you think she can help you fight, why not? (Wes gives her a look) I'm kidding. - Wesley, if you wanna get to know Fred better, maybe the next time you have her over for an intimate dinner for two, you won't ask the rest of us to come along." Wes: "Ah, I don't... I mean... (Cordy gives him a look) Was I *that* obvious?" Gunn, eyes on the TV screen: "Yes! Ha, ha!" Cordy whispers: "I don't think anybody else noticed." Wes looking at Fred: "She is a rather extraordinary young woman. - Still, the last thing any of us should be doing is - coupling - with each other, I mean. Office romances, even under the most *normal* circumstances..." Cordy: "We don't live in normal circumstances. - I mean, what are the odds of any of us actually finding someone out there who can deal with the kind of stuff we have to deal with? I don't know. Maybe we *are* meant..." Wes: "For each other?" Cordy: "Actually I was gonna say 'to be alone.' But what the heck - Wesley, if you like her, *tell* her. Just go right up to her and (Cordy starts to frown and sway a little) hug her into little pieces." Cordy gets hit by a vision and collapses on the floor. Gunn and Angel jumps off the sofa and run into the kitchen. Angel: "Easy." Angel helps Cordy up into a chair. Cordy: "Convenience store, man attacking a woman. His wife - it's his wife." Angel: "How many convenience stores we got on the Westside?" Fred: "Well, even if you just include Santa Monica, Beverly Hills and Malibu only, the combined populations is something like a hundred thirty thousand people spread over more than thirty square miles, and given that..." Gunn: "A lot." Fred: "I was - getting there." Wes: "Alright. We go in two teams. Gunn, you and I..." Cordy: "No. It's too late. You can't save her. This murder happened a week ago. (Looks up at Angel) Why would they show this to me now?" Cordy is sitting at her desk in the Hyperion. She gets up as Wes drops a thick file onto the counter. Cordy: "What's this?" Wes: "Everything. Everything about the crime I believe you saw in your vision. Police reports, husband's written confession, captures from the convenience store's video surveillance cameras..." Fred is coming down the stairs and Gunn and Angel are coming from other parts of the Hyperion to join Cordy in picking up papers from the file. Wes: "...and I have to caution all of you, the medical examiners crime scene photos. Cordelia..." Angel reaches out and takes the crime scene photos of the dead elderly woman away from her. Angel: "Maybe you shouldn't be looking at that." Cordy: "Tell that to the Powers. They already ran the THX version in my head, remember? (To Wes) How did you get this stuff?" Wes: "I did it the old-fashioned way: I bought it." Fred: "The police sold you this stuff?" Wes: "Not exactly. A source. Someone who has access. Usually they sell to the tabloids, when the victims are - more high profile." Gunn: "Charlene Baird." Wes: "The victim. She and the perpetrator were married for thirty years, no history of domestic violence." Fred: "Why'd he do it?" Wes: "He says she wouldn't listen to him. He was trying to get her to stop talking." Fred: "Well, it worked." Gunn: "I don't get it. This guy confessed. Crime solved. Why are the Powers airing re-runs in Cordy's head?" Angel is looking at one of the pictures from the surveillance cameras. Wes: "I don't know." Angel: "I do. (Put the photo on the counter) Eleven twenty four, twenty minutes before the crime occurred. Look who's there." Wes looks at a person in the background of the picture with the magnifying glass. It's Billy. Wes hands the picture to Gunn. Gunn: "Oh, boy." Cordy: "What? - What?!" She takes one of the photos and looks at Billy. Cordy: "Okay. Kinda cute. So, who is he?" No one answers her. Wes and Fred are sitting on the round settee in the lobby. Gunn is standing beside it. Behind the counter, Angel is sitting on the edge of Cordy's desk, while Cordy is pacing quickly back and forth, holding the photo in her hands. Cordy: "You're sure this is him? This is the guy?" Angel: "You pull someone from a hell dimension, you tend to remember their face. Yeah. - That's him." Cordy slowly sinks down into a chair. Cordy: "Well, then - now we know why the Powers made me experience that woman's death. - She died because of me." Angel: "No." Cordy: "Yes! Angel, if he's somehow responsible - then so am I." Angel: "You're not the one who broke him out and put him back on the streets. I did that." Cordy: "For me. You did it to save me." Angel: "And I'd do it again." Cordy: "Angel..." Angel crouches down in front of Cordy. Angel: "Hey. - Hey, whatever's happening now, you're not responsible for this - and neither am I. - But I know who is." Lilah is pouring herself a drink. She jumps a little as the door to her dimly lit apartment is suddenly kicked open, revealing Angel standing in the brightly lit hallway. Lilah: "That's a very dramatic entrance - except for the part where you can't enter." Angel: "You're a little jumpy there, Lilah." Lilah: "It's been a long day at the office." Angel: "Then you know that your boy is on the loose. You know what he's doing." Lilah sighs: "It's been brought to my attention." As she walks closer to the door we see that her face is black and blue from the beating Gavin gave her earlier. Angel: "God. Are you...?" Lilah: "I'm fine. You should see the other guy." Angel: "I plan to." Lilah: "Billy never touched me, friend." Angel: "I know. He has some power. He makes people..." Lilah: "Billy never touched me, and you can't touch him. Nobody can. Billy as in Blim? As in congressman Nathan Blim's nephew? That family is the closest thing this country has to royalty. They'd own half the eastern seaboard even if they weren't clients of ours. The law won't go near him." Angel: "I'm not the law." Lilah: "This isn't some three horned Gurnarbeast you can just chop into meatloaf!" Angel: "Why you're protecting him after what he did?" Lilah: "I'm sorry, but this deep chivalric concern coming from the only man I know who *definitely* wants to kill me, is a bit much on a day like this." Angel: "Your hands are shaking." Lilah: "Stay away from my client." She closes the door in Angel's face. Night. Angel's convertible pulls off the side of a road and its lights go out. Angel, Gunn and Wes get out and walk up to the gates of a big estate. Wes: "This is it. The Blim estate." Gunn: "Not very welcoming, is it?" Wes: "I don't suppose it'll do much good to ring the bell either." Gunn: "How about we sneak in, dressed up like security guards or something?" Wes: "Well, that's a possibility. Or we could..." Angel leaps straight up to the top of the gate (12 - 15 feet high?). He drops down on the other side and disappears into the bushes. Gunn: "So... - wanna go next?" Wes looks at the gate: "I guess we wait here." Gunn: "Yeah." Angel is running towards the house. We see Billy through one of the glass doors, talking on the phone. Angel makes his way to the glass doors. Billy lowers the cordless and looks out, directly at Angel. Angel runs out from behind a bush, jumps over a low wall, picks up a metal patio chair and tosses it through the glass doors, shattering them. Billy stands unmoved. He tosses the phone aside as Angel steps in through the doors. Angel: "Why doesn't it surprise me that I can just walk right in here without an invitation." Billy: "Well, as far as I'm concerned you have a standing invitation." Angel: "You're not a right guy, Billy. You're not quite human either, are you?" Billy: "Not quite. More than you." Angel: "You like to hurt women, do you, Billy? That make you feel like a man?" Billy: "I have never hurt a woman in my life. - I just like to watch." Angel: "Not anymore." Billy: "Oh?" Angel: "You're going back." Billy: "Really? 'cause I don't think so." Woman's voice: "Los Angeles Police department" Man's voice: "Hands were we can see 'em. Turn around. - Slowly!" Angel raises his hands and turns to face the shattered doors. Billy steps up beside him before he can speak. Billy: "You're looking for me." Woman cop: "William Blim?" Billy: "That's right. I'm the one that called you. Did you find the body? Was it where I said it would be?" Woman: "William Blim we're taking you into custody for questioning." Billy smiles: "Oh, yes (turns to look at Angel) I should think you would." Woman cop: "Sanchez, be sure you read him his rights." Sanchez pulls out a pair of cuffs and walks up to Billy. Billy puts one hand on Sanchez wrist. Billy: "Will those be absolutely necessary? I won't give you any trouble, officer. I'll come quietly." Sanchez turns back to look at the woman detective. She nods. As Billy takes his hand off Sanchez bare wrist, we see that his fingers left a glowing, red print that quickly fades away. Sanchez leads Billy out of the house. Woman cop to Angel: "Who are you?" Billy: "He's nobody." Angel watches as the cops lead Billy away, reading him his rights as they go. Billy is sitting the back of the police car. Sanchez: "Why're you going this way? I thought I told you to take Pico." Woman cop: "Relax, Sanchez. We'll get there." Sanchez: "Did you just tell me to relax? - You think you can talk to me like that?" Woman cop: "I'd talk to you with my finger, but I like both hands on the wheel while I'm driving." Sanchez: "Pull over." Woman Cop: "What?" Sanchez: "Pull over!" Woman Cop: "What's your problem?" Sanchez: "I tell you what my problem is: I got a woman here that don't listen!" We get a close up of Billy as we hear sounds of a struggle and of the car skidding out of control. Break Wes hangs up the phone in the Hyperion's reception. Wes: "My contact at the city morgue confirms it. Her body was discovered earlier tonight. A young woman was reported missing three days ago. Someone phoned in a tip." Angel: "Billy." Gunn: "It doesn't make sense. I mean, even if he did it, he didn't do it, you know what I'm saying? So why confess? What does he get?" Angel: "Out. It gets him out." Gunn: "Yeah, out of his palatial twelve million Dollar compound and into a holding cell at Men's central." Wes: "Yes, but for how long?" Cordy: "Well, an impenetrable cube of hell fire in a heavily guarded demon dimension couldn't do much, so my guess - regular bars? Not really going to be a problem." Angel: "She's right. All he'll need to get out this time is his lawyer." Angel turns to go. Wes: "Angel, what are you doing?" Angel: "I'm gonna get there before Lilah does." Gunn: "And then what?" Angel: "Well, I took him out of one cell, I can take him out of this one, too." Cordy: "Wait! Angel, you can't barge into a police precinct and go all Terminator." Angel: "I'll be okay." Cordy: "It's dangerous. He's dangerous. What if he lays his whammy on you?" Angel: "He won't be conscious long enough to try." Fred: "He's not there! (Everyone turns to look at her) I just heard it on the police scanner. The patrol car carrying Billy never made it to the police station. There's been an accident." We see an ambulance and another police car parked just beyond the stopped patrol car. The backside door is open and bent out of shape as if it had been kicked open from the inside with tremendous force. Wes walks away from the scene and meets up with Gunn. Wes: "There was an altercation between the officers who transporting Billy. One of them attacked his partner. She was forced to shoot him. The female's been taken to a local hospital." Gunn: "So, maybe she can tell us something - like what Billy did to her partner before he snapped." Wes: "It wouldn't be a bad idea if one of us were standing by at the hospital visiting a sick relative." Gunn: "Maybe happen to strike up a conversation with the hospital staff or one of her buddies?" Wes: "Maybe." Gunn: "I'm on it." Gunn leaves and Wes walks over to where Angel is standing across the road from the patrol car. Angel: "The blood in that car? Some of it is his. - Not human." Angel walks down the road a little ways. Angel: "He came through here." Wes crouches down and touches the bloody handprint on the wall that Angel found. Wes: "And recently. It's still wet." Wes picks up a piece of paper from the ground and presses it up against the handprint. Wes: "I'll take a sample back to the hotel, see if I can determine just what sort of creature Billy is." Angel: "I can't wait for that." Wes: "I understand." Angel: "I can find him." Wes: "Be careful" But Angel is already across the street and disappearing between two buildings. Wes sighs and pulls the paper away, checking to make sure he got a good print on the paper. Cordy takes the tazer from the weapons cabinet and puts it into her shoulder bag. Picks up a crossbow and stows it as well. Fred comes walking down the stairs. Fred: "What you doing?" Cordy turns and sees her. Cordy: "I'm gonna go run an errand. Uh - a normal, every day errand." Cordy walks to the side door. Fred: "Cordelia. (Cordy turns to look at her) I don't think you should do this." Cordy: "How can I not?" Cordy opens the door and walks out. Fred stands there for a moment then turns as Wes comes in the main doors. Wes: "Fred! You're here. Good, I was hoping you would assist me. (Lifts up a bag with the paper in it) I managed to lift a sample of Billy's blood. Maybe we can identify his demon lineage and somehow figure out how his power works. Would you hand me the (looks up to see that Fred is holding out some glass slides) glass slides. (Gives Fred a silly smile) Thank you." Lilah goes to answer a knock on her door. Lilah: "Cordelia Chase, right? Come to gloat?" Cordy: "I can do that anywhere. Are you gonna invite me in? Oh, wait. I'm not a vampire." Cordy walks in past Lilah. Lilah: "Please, come on in." Closes the door and walks after Cordy. Cordy: "I want you to tell me about Billy. Everything you *didn't* tell Angel. I want you to help me stop him." Lilah: "And what makes you think I'm gonna do that?" Cordy: "Well, there's your face - for starters." Lilah picks up her drink: "I know the risks of my job and I accept them." Cordy: "Then why where you crying five minutes ago? - There's not a thing about badly reapplied mascara that I don't know." Lilah: "I'm not Lindsey McDonald. I don't switch sides whenever it gets tough. And since when is this your job? I thought Angel was the dark avenger." Cordy: "Angel feels responsible for this guy because he brought him back from hell. I feel responsible because he did it to save me. You, who are actually responsible for the entire thing, feel nothing at all, because *you* are a vicious bitch." Lilah shrugs: "So? You know me." Cordy: "Please, I was you - with better shoes." Lilah: "These are Boracchi." Cordy: "Fall collection?" Lilah: "Next spring." Cordy: "He's widened the heel." Lilah: "And rounded the toe." Cordy: "That won't work with pink." Lilah: "The pink is out this spring." Cordy: "Billy Blim makes people crazy." Lilah: "Not all people. Just men. He brings out a primordial misogyny in them. Turns them into killers." Cordy: "Then why didn't he do it to Angel?" Lilah: "Angel's seen him?" Cordy: "Yes, right before he escaped from the cops." Lilah lets out a chuckle. Cordy: "What's so witty?" Lilah: "Billy's touch works differently on different men. Some lose their mind in an instant. Others - can take hours. - Gee, I sure hope Angel isn't starting to feel testy." Cordy: "You better hope it." Lilah: "I know. I've seen his dark side." Cordy: "You really haven't. - I have to find Billy." Lilah: "And I'm gonna help you why?" Cordy: "You know that guy that you hired to hack into my visions? What he did to me? What it felt like? I was cut, my face disfigured, and burning with pain every second not knowing if it was gonna end or just get worse till I died." Lilah: "So you think I owe you..." Cordy: "It's not the pain. It's the helplessness. The certainty that there is nothing you can do to stop it, that your life can be thrown away in an instant by someone else. He doesn't care. He'll beat you down until you stay down because he doesn't even *think* of you as alive. - No woman should ever have to go through that, and no woman strong enough to wear the mantel of 'vicious bitch' would ever put up with it. - *Where* is Billy going?" Angel walks up on two guys standing beside a taxicab, talking. 1.man: "He seemed like such a levelheaded guy, you know? Always polite, with the 'yes, sir' and the 'thank you, sirs.' And to lose it like that, I didn't see it coming, did you?" 2.man: "I got to say, I understand why he did it. I mean, there is a point, am I right? How many times do you feel like talking a fist to a customer?" Angel: "One of your drivers finally snapped, huh?" 2.man: "Yeah, he beat the hell out of his fare." Angel: "A woman?" 2.man: "That surprise you? Probably sitting in the back, nagging, telling him how to drive. You know the type." Angel: "Yeah. Probably had it coming to her, huh?" 2.man shrugs: "I'm just saying..." Angel grabs him by the shirt and pulls him close. Angel to 1.man: "Get out of here." The first man walks off. Angel: "This driver who snapped? You're gonna tell me what his last stop was, right before he beat up that woman. - I'm just saying." A hip get together is going on in a well-appointed suite. There is a couple kissing on the couch. Two guys are playing pool. Music is playing: '..the future is coming on, coming on - finally someone let me out of my cage..." Guy walks up to one of the pool players. Guy: "Hey, Dylan, your cousin is here." Dylan: "Which one? There is about a zillion of them." Guy: "I think he said his name is Billy." Dylan, shooting pool: "Billy? Not possible. Billy's..." Turns his head to see Billy standing beside him. Billy: "Hi, Dylan." Dylan: "Billy." Billy: "I didn't know you were having a party." Dylan: "Billy (swallows) I-I thought we agreed that you weren't going to come around here anymore after that last thing." Billy is watching the couple kissing on the couch. Billy: "I think we should talk to them about appropriate public behavior. - Do you want to? Or should I?" Wes is looking at Billy's blood through a microscope. Wes: "This was taken from the print I made of Billy's blood. (Makes room for Fred to look) Tell me what you think." Fred looks: "Looks to me as if some of the red blood cells are kind of supercharged." Wes: "Those would probably be from Billy's demon lineage." Fred: "So, however Billy is putting the mojo on people, the power seems to be in his blood. Which means it can also be in his sweat or his saliva or even his touch." Wes: "Speaking of saliva, where is Cordelia?" Fred: "What do you mean 'speaking of saliva?' How does saliva make you..." Wes: "It's a simple question. Where is Cordelia?" Fred: "I - I think she went out." Wes: "Out?" Fred nods. Wes: "Did she happen to mention where?" Fred: "She just - ah - she said an errand." Wes: "So when you say you 'think' she went out, what you mean is you 'know' she went out because you spoke to her." Fred: "Well, I suppose I..." Wes: "Suppose?" Fred: "I - I did. Yes, I did." Wes: "That's better. (Leans in to look through the microscope again) Lie to me again - and we're going to have a problem." Break [SCENE_BREAK] Fred walks around Wes' desk and towards the door while Wes is still looking through the microscope. Wes: "Where're you going?" Fred: "I was just gonna call Cordelia, find out where she is for you." Wes: "That's not necessary." Fred: "It's not?" Wes: "No. - Sit down Fred." Fred: "It'll just..." Wes: "Sit! - Down." Fred hesitantly walks back into the office and sits in the chair in front of Wes' desk. Wes: "There's something we need to discuss." Fred: "I'm sorry I didn't tell you Cordelia left. Really I am." Wes holds up a hand: "Pffft. We're past that. I've put it behind me. (Gets up to walks around his desk) However, we are going to have to make some changes around here." Fred: "Change can be good, I guess." Wes: "Like, no more of these provocative little outfits you wear." Wes pulls the strap of Fred's dress off her shoulder. Fred pulls it back up. Fred: "Provocative?" Wes sits down on the edge of the desk in front of Fred. Wes: "Maybe Mommy and Daddy never explain to you that men - *grown* men - are wired a certain way. - (Wes leans in closer to a wide-eyed Fred) You can't be coming in here day after day waving it in my face like this." Fred: "What?" Wes almost whispering: "You're practically daring me to take it. Is that what you want?" Fred jumps up out of her chair: "Stop it!" Wes: "Oh, are we standing now? Is that what we're doing?" Fred backing away: "This conversation is making me very uncomfortable." Wes: "Oh, you're uncomfortable. That's rich! How do you think I feel? What do you think it's like for me with you smelling the way you do?" Fred: "Wesley, please." Wes stalking closer to her: "You think you can taunt a man and get away with it? You brush up close, bat your eyes - and then when our backs are turned, you *laugh* at us." Fred: "No, I would never..." Wes: "Humiliate us. You think you can do anything you please because you're connected to life, because you bleed, is that it?" Fred: "No!" Wes slaps her open handed across the face. Fred falls to the floor. Wes: "I'll show you blood." Fred runs to the side doors, but before she can get them open, Wes grabs her by the hair from behind. Wes: "What do you tell a woman who has two black eyes? (Pulls her back then pushes her down onto the steps leading up beside the doors) Nothing you haven't already told her twice." Fred picks herself up and runs upstairs. Wes: "No sense of humor." Wes pulls his tie off and walks down into the lobby stretching his shoulders and massaging his neck. He turns his head and his eyes come to rest on the battle ax in the corner of the weapons cabinet. Dylan opens the door to his apartment as far as the safety chain will let him. Angel: "I'm looking for Billy Blim?" Dylan: "Are you a friend of his or what?" Angel: "Friend? To be honest I'm looking to kill the b*st*rd." Dylan: "Oh. Come on in." Dylan undoes the chain to let Angel in. Angel: "Is he here?" Dylan: "No. He came and went." Angel: "And everyone's okay? Frankly I was expecting blood - carnage, you know - bad things." Dylan: "You gotta know the rules around Billy. Everyone in the family knows the rules. You never leave him alone with your girlfriend, keep him away from your pets and don't *ever* let him touch you. Like, if he wants money you gotta leave it on the table and back away." Angel: "Is that why he was here?" Dylan: "Yeah, he said he needed some - fun money. I just wanted to get rid of him." Angel: "So can you explain something to me? - How come you invited me in after I told you I wanted to kill your cousin?" Dylan: "You're Angel, right?" Angel: "Did Billy mention me?" Dylan: "No, no. There was a chick here. She was cute, brunette. Well, she said that a melodramatic guy named Angel would eventually show up." Angel: "Cordelia... - thinks I'm melodramatic?" Dylan: "Well, you did say that you were gonna kill my cousin." Angel: "That's not melodrama, melodrama (Grabs Dylan by the shirt front) She was here?!" Dylan: "So you're saying that melodrama is exaggerated emo..." Angel: "This isn't a demo, this is real! Where did you send her?" Dylan: "Santa Monica. My family has a plane there. Billy said he wanted to fly some place. I don't know where. Vancouver, Tahiti, he didn't say. Hopefully far away." Wes walks up the stairs of the Hyperion. There is a mattress leaned against the corner of the landing. Wes: "Fred?" As he walks up the next set of stairs, we see that he is carrying the battle ax in his right hand. Wes: "Fred? - I know what you're doing. - What you're up to. - Luring me. (Enters a hallway) Forcing me to find you. - Oh, it's such a dog and pony show. - You beguile me with your girlish ways (pushes a door open with his ax) I pursue you (Pushes open the next door) but you never give over, do you? - No, you just keep laughing and running. (Pushes open another door) Well, guess what, my love - I'm not some downy-faced schoolboy. (Pushes open another door. This one has the safety chain in place) I'm a man." Wes kicks the door open and walks into the room. There is a can of paint sitting on some boards as if someone had been working on renovating it. The room looks dark and deserted. Wes: "You can't come out into the open, can you? - No, you hide - you deceive. (He walks into the room, the light glinting of the ax held before him) It's nothing new. It goes all the way back to Eve. - You and the serpent plotting behind our backs. - 'Here, honey, eat this. It's just an apple.' - That's the problem with your s*x - you're all weak, and you're all dirty and you won't be satisfied until you've brought each and everyone of us out of the garden and down into the muck with you!" Wes smashes a stool aside with his ax, breaking it and sending the tools on it scattering across the floor. We hear a smothered gasp, and Wes' head snaps around to look towards the bed in the corner. He walks over to it. We see Fred looking at his shoes as he stops beside it. Then takes a few steps to the side. Fred gasps as Wes picks up the mattress and throws it against the wall, so he can look down at her through the frame. Wes: "Why do you make me do this?" Fred whimpers as Wes pulls her out from under the bed by her neck and pushes her up against the wall. Wes leans in to kiss her - only to draw back in pain as Fred buries a nail in his shoulder and knees him in the crotch. Wes hunches over in pain and Fred runs out of the room. An airplane is slowly taxiing down the dark runway. Cordy comes out from behind the nose of a private plane and walks up to where Billy is standing on the tarmac with his back towards her. Cordy: "Billy?" Billy turns: "Yes? - Do I know you?" Cordy: "Not exactly. I thought we should meet. I'm the woman Wolfram and Hart tortured to get you out of your fire cell." Billy: "Oh, I see. - And you're here to whine. Poor, helpless, battered woman who needs to vent her feelings about the injustice of it all." Cordy: "No, ass-wipe." Cordy pushes the tazer up against Billy stomach and he collapses gasping to the ground. He looks up to see Cordy aiming a crossbow at him. Cordy: "I'm here to send you back." Fred is quietly hurrying down a dark hallway in the Hyperion. Wes: "I'm still here!" Fred stops and slowly turns to look behind her. Wes is standing at the other end of the hall. Wes: "I don't run away like a girl. I see things through." Fred takes off running and Wes walks after her. Wes sees Fred running up the stairs and turns to hurry down the hall away from the stairs Fred took. Fred runs down another hallway. She stumbles and falls to her hands and knees. Rolls over to look behind her. Backs off on all fours, then gets up, turning to run - straight into Gunn, who puts a hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. Gunn: "Shh." Gunn takes his hand from Fred's mouth, puts an arm around her and pulls around a corner. Cordy is standing over Billy at the airport. Billy slowly picks himself back up, never taking his eyes off her. Billy: "You think I hate you because you're a woman. I don't." Cordy: "Gee, and I was feeling special." Billy: "I don't hate women. I mean, sure, you're all whores who sell yourselves for money and prestige, but men are just as bad. Maybe even worse. They're willing to throw away careers or families, or even lives for what's under your skirt!" Cordy: "I'm wearing pants." Billy: "So, you can dress like a man, talk like a man? (Smiles) Does that make you feel superior?" Cordy: "Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow pointed at your jugular. - And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me." Billy: "You don't have the nerve to do it." Cordy takes a step closer, so the tip of the arrow is almost up against Billy's throat. Cordy: "Wrong again." Suddenly the crossbow is being pushed away and Angel steps between them, pushing Cordy away. Angel: "I can't let you do it, Cordelia." Billy: "You saved me again! I knew that you would." Cordy: "Angel, you know what he is!" Angel: "Yeah, I do. Which is why I'm gonna waste this piece of garbage myself." Angel turns to hit Billy, but Cordy catches a hold of his arm and holds him back. Cordy: "Angel! (He turns to look back at her) He can't hurt me." Angel turns away from Cordy, trying to pull his arm free, and Billy takes a hold of Angel's face with both of his hands, stares into Angel's eyes. Billy: "No, I won't hurt her. *I* won't hurt her at all!" Angel pushes Billy away from him and we see the imprints from Billy's hands on Angel's face their bright red glow slowly fading as Angel takes few quick breaths. Billy and Cordy stare at Angel. Angel glances back towards Cordy. Break. Gunn and Fred are hurrying down a dimly lit hallway in the Hyperion. Gunn tries a door. It's locked. The next one is open and he hurries inside. Gunn: "Here." Fred follows him in and Gunn locks the door, then pushes a dresser in front of it. Gunn: "Now, what the hell happened to Wesley?" Gunn picks up a nightstand and sets it on top of the dresser. Fred: "Somehow he got infected. All I can figure it happened while he was working with Billy's blood from the handprint." Gunn: "You mean, that - that fingerprinty-looking handprint downstairs is Billy's blood? (Fred nods) So you're saying that Wes turned into a psycho killer because of that bloody handprint that - I picked up and looked at?" Fred: "When you put it that way, it kinda worries me." Gunn pulls the nightstand back off the dresser and starts to pull it away from the door. Gunn: "I better get out of here. Lock the door behind me." Something crashes against the door from outside, drawing a little scream from Fred. Gunn quickly pushes the dresser back up against the door. Wes is outside swinging his ax against the door. Gunn: "Well, uh - maybe we go to plan 'B.'" Wes swings his ax at the door again. Fred takes a step back and lets out a scream when one of her feet breaks through the floorboards. Gunn catches a hold of her before she can fall and pulls her away from that part of the floor. Wes hacks at the door. Fred, clinging to Gunn: "Oh, god." Wes hacks at the door. Fred: "You know when you said we go to plan B? What's plan B?" Gunn: "Ah - plan B - (lets go of Fred and looks around the room) Ah - plan B..." Fred: "Charles...?" Gunn spins around to face her: "Plan B is the plan where if you don't stop whining I bash in your... (Stops, his eyes going wide) Oh, god." Angel is standing in the middle between Billy and Cordy. He starts to inch back towards Cordy. Angel: "Cordy, get out of here." Cordy: "No." Angel: "Cordelia?" Cordy: "I can't." Angel turns to look at her: "GET OUT!" Cordy jumps a little, but doesn't budge. Cordy: "Angel - you can fight this!" Billy steps closer to Angel: "Don't fight it - feel it! You can, can't you? All that rage, all that hatred bubbling to the surface? (Conversationally) I actually never done this to a vampire. Should be pretty entertaining." Angel to Cordy: "Please - go." Cordy: "I can't. I have this problem. This is happening to you because of me. Because of *me.* So, I can't leave you - Angel - I won't." Angel: "You think that's your problem? - That's not your problem. - You know what your real problem is? (Cordy backs up just a little) Guys like him!" With that Angel spins around and hits Billy full force sending him flying to the ground. Cordy slowly lowers her hand that she had put up to shield herself from the expected blow. Angel to Billy: "'cause you got no power over me." Billy and Angel start to fight, as Cordy lets out a relieved breath. Gunn picks up a chair and smashes it against the wall, breaking it to pieces. Fred: "Charles, you're scaring me!" She jumps back with a little scream as Gunn comes at her with a chair leg in his hand. Gunn: "Take this and knock me out. Knock me out!" Fred: "You want me to hit you?" Gunn hands her the leg: "Yes!" Fred: "I can't!" Gunn: "You might want to." Wes hacks at the door. Gunn: "HIT ME!" Fred: "Charles, please..." Gunn, mocking: "Charles, please. - Fine. Then give it back to me so I can smash your *stupid* head with it. Gimme the damn chair leg!" Fred hauls back and brains him. Gunn drops to his knees but isn't out. Gunn: "You're gonna pay for that." Fred hits him again and he lands facedown on the floor and doesn't move any more. Fred throws the chair leg aside, then jumps as Wes ax cracks through the door behind her. Angel and Billy are fighting. Angel tosses Billy through the air. Billy rolls as he hits then comes up on all fours. He smashes both hands hard against the ground. A shock wave radiates out from his hands then returns to them as a crack appears in the ground between them. Both hands begin to glow a bright red. The red leaves his hands, flashes up his arms and Billy's eyes flash yellow. When Angel comes back at him, he tosses him like a toy. Billy is now pretty clearly the stronger of the two. Cordy sees her crossbow lying on the ground. She picks it up and aims it at the combatants, but Angel and Billy change positions so often that she never has a clear shot. Angel manages to toss Billy away from him and Cordy's finger tightens on the trigger. Gun shots ring out and Billy jerks where he is squatting on all fours, then drops to the ground and doesn't move anymore. Cordy lowers her crossbow and looks around to see Lilah lowering her pistol. Angel looks from Lilah to Billy. Lets out a breath. Lilah looks at Angel, then turns and walks away. Cordy looks over at Angel. Wes is pushing against the door, forcing the dresser back inch by inch. Wes enters the room. Sees Gunn lying unconscious on the floor. Wes: "Would you like to hear my theory, Fred? - It's about how stupid you are. - I believe that after five years of living in a cave - you'll instinctively retreat to small dark places, rather than run outside where you'd be safe." The floor creaks beneath his feet and Wes looks down at the tarp covering the area in front of him. He walks around the tarp to a closet. Wes: "Let's finish this." He pulls the closet door open - only to see in the mirror on the inside of the door that Fred is standing behind him. Fred: "I'm sorry, Wesley." Wes looks at her: "You're sorry?" Fred: "You were right about me liking dark places to hide in." Wes raises his ax and slowly walks towards her. Fred: "But you forgot I also like to build things." Fred pulls on a rope. A fire extinguisher swings free and hits Wes, knocking him back onto the tarp. He falls through the place in the floor that broke under Fred's weight earlier. Fred walks up to the hole and looks down at Wes, lying sprawled unconscious in the room below. Day. The Hyperion. Cordy and Angel are back in the basement training. Cordy: "I don't get it." Angel: "I don't get it either." Cordy: "I mean, you're a man." Angel and Cordy are moving side by side through the same sword exercise. Cordy: "So why didn't Billy's touch affect you?" Angel: "Well, maybe because - I'm not human." Cordy chuckles: "Oh, right. And a *vampire* could never be turned into a monster." Angel: "Well, that thing that Billy brought out in others? - The hatred and anger... (reach the end of the sequence) that's something I lost a long time ago." Cordy: "Even when you were evil?" Angel: "I never hated my victims, I never killed out of anger, it was always about the - pain and the pleasure." Cordy: "Huh. - So I guess you could say that your demoness makes less petty than humans. Almost noble - I mean, in a twisted, dark and *really* disturbing kind of way." They get into position to start another set. Angel: "Thanks." Cordy: "Hm-mm. (They start the set) It's weird!" Angel: "What is?" Cordy: "I'm starting to get used to being creeped out and comforted at the same time." Angel: "I get that." They smile at each other before continuing with the set. Wes is sitting in his dark apartment staring at the sun shining in through one of the windows. He doesn't move when someone knocks at the door. Fred's voice: "Wesley? - Wesley, it's me, Fred." Wes turns his head a little. After a beat he gets up and walks slowly over to open the door. Fred sees the bruise on the side of Wes face. Fred: "Oh - does that hurt?" She lifts a hand towards his face, but Wes leans away, not looking at her. Fred sighs and puts her hand down. Fred: "Sorry. - I left a bunch of messages." Wes: "Yes. I meant to call you back. I'm sorry. (Looks at her and whispers) I'm *so* sorry." Fred: "Wesley, you gotta come back to work." Wes: "How can I?" Fred: "What do you mean? How can you not? You're the boss. We need you. - You took a few days off. That's good. We all did. - But now it's time to come back." Wes quietly: "Fred, I tried to kill you." Fred smiles and shakes her head: "That wasn't you." Wes: "How can you know that? Something inside me was forced to the surface. Something primal, something..." Fred: "Do you wanna kill me?" Wes: "Oh, God, no." Fred: "It wasn't something in you, Wesley. It was something that was done to you." Wes: "I don't know what kind of man I am anymore." Fred: "Well, I do. - You're a good man. - Will I see you back at the office?" Wes: "Yeah." Fred: "Good." Fred slowly walks out and Wes closes the door behind her and begins to cry. Fred stops in the hallway and turns back as she hears sounds of Wesley weeping. She hesitates for a moment, takes a step back towards his door, then turns around and leaves.

A guy named Billy is infecting men with primal misogynistic impulses. When he touches men, they attack any women that they come across. Lilah is beaten and several other women wind up dead. Cordy and Angel try to track Billy down. But, when Billy's blood infects Wes and Gunn, it might be too late for Fred. And when Billy touches Angel, Cordelia could be in trouble, too.

fd_The_4400_02x03

fd_The_4400_02x03_0

Voix int rieures (2x03 : Voices Carry) Written by LISA MELAMED Directed by VINCENT MISIANO Flashbacks to season one and the season two opener 'Wake Up Call' One of the 4400, Gary Navarro, is in a locker room with other baseball players. Gary was abducted on January 5th 1973. He sits on a bench wearing boxers and a baseball hat. Player 1: Getting dressed from the top now? The the way they do it on the Mariners? Player 2: Mariners? Gary's got his eye on the Sox. Player 3: You mean the Sox got their eyes on him. Player 2: How's it feel? All those scouts in the stands. You bend over to tie a shoelace, they making note. Player 3: How about a little respect huh? You're in the presence of the new Jackie Robinson. Those 4400 make big news. Don't worry about the scouts, man. I'll float you some right down the middle. You just get into your rythmm and forget they're even out there, alright? Player three's thoughts are clearly heard by Gary. Player 3: Can't blame him. Six scouts. I'd be afraid I was gonna choke. Gary: I'm not gonna choke. Player three looks at him in confusion. The rest of the team begin to leave the room. Gary holds his head as a myriad of voices are heard, bringing him great pain. Out on the baseball pitch, Gary is hearing a multitude of thoughts from the players around him. A ball is thrown and he misses it. Catcher: Laurence can't serve any better than that. Gary: Just give me a second Gary hears the thoughts of those around him. Loser, what was up with that etc. He misses another ball. Crowd: Come on! Catcher: This time try taking the bat off your shoulder. Gary: Why don't you try kissing my ass. Catcher: What's your problem Gary. Coach: Navarro, get your head in the game! Focus! I wanna see some contact. Majors. Kid doesn't look like he's ready for rookie ball. Gary: Just shut up! Would all of you just shut the hell up and let me concentrate! Catcher: Whoa gary! Take it down a notch. [You're a flake aren't you. Go ahead, take a swing at me. I'll fight you where you stand Gary: I do not wanna hit you! Catcher: Who said anything about hitting, man? Coach: That's it Navarro, you're done for the day. I wanna see you in my office after practise. Gary: There's nothing wrong with me. Coach: Keep walking. Gary: There's nothing wrong with me!! Coach: Keep walking man. Gary: Don't touch me! Gary begins to walk past the scouts and hears their thoughts. Scout 1: This kid isn't ready. Scout 2: This is a complete waste of time. Ready for the bigs, my ass. What is wrong with that? Gary: You shut up. You shut up! He jumps at one of the scouts and hits him to the ground. Gary: There's nothing wrong with me! There's nothing wrong with me! He's dragged away. Titles Richard walks into a motel and pays money for a room. Lily: It beats that ditch in the woods. Not by much. Richard: It's just a day or two. Let Isabelle get rested up. Push all the rest of the way. Lily: You got enough to make it to Whitebird? Richard: New car, trip to the emergency room? It's gonna be close. Lily: All this running and hiding. Sometimes I forget. We haven't done anything wrong. Richard: Three dead men in the woods might disagree. Lily: You want a shower first, or should I? Richard: You go ahead. Lily: Give Isabelle her bottle, ok? He takes the baby and sit's her on his lap. Richard: It was you wasn't it? Stopping those men in the woods. Daddy sure would like to know. But you're not gonna tell me are you. Diana's apartment. Diana and Maia are sitting working. Maia laughs. Diana: What's funny? Maia: Marmaduke. Can we get a dog? Diana: Smooth how you slid that in there. No. The phone rings. Diana: Skouris. April, wow! No, no, no, no. I'm glad to hear from you, it's been a while that's all. No we're here, just having breakfast. There's a knock at the door. Diana: Mrs Lennox must have forgotten her key. Maia: I'll get it. Diana: No, no. I'll get it. You just keep eating. I just have to let Maia's teacher in. Coming! One more sec. She opens the door to find her sister standing outside. April: Surprise! Diana: April! April: How's it going, sibling? April flings herself into Diana's arms. Diana: Good. April: You look good. Diana: Yeah, you too. April: Thanks! Diana: What are you doing here? April: Pacific North West Body Art Expo. I have a booth. Don't tell me you haven't gotten your tickets yet. Diana: Ah, no. Maia: Hello. April: Oh my God, you must be Maia! April Skouris. Black sheep of the family. Di you are so lucky. Look at this fabulous kid you got. No labour, no stretch marks, no diapers. No crappy husband. Oh wait, that was me. Maia: How come I never met you before? April: It's complicated. Diana: We've been busy. April: Ok, we'll stick with busy. Whatever. I'm here now. Diana: So where are you staying while you're in town? April: This couch looks comfortable. Shawn prepares to walk out on stage in front of thousands of people. Collier: It's not an execution Shawn. Shawn walks out. Shawn: Hello, my name is Shawn Farrell and I am one of the 4400. A huge round of applause with cheering. Shawn: Wow! Uh, a few months ago I never thought anyone would clap when I said that. But we didn't know then, what we know now. The future of mankind is in jeopardy and right here with your help is where we start to set things straight. Offstage, Devon approaches Collier. Devon: Mr Collier, Mr Dravitt's here for you. Collier: Thankyou. He walks away and meets with Ian Dravitt, an Englishman. Collier: Ian, thanks for fitting me in. Dravitt: Interesting place you've got here. Not going to be abducted by aliens, am I? Collier: Now Ian, they weren't aliens, they were from the future. Dravitt: I know, so you told me ad nauseum. But it's all the same sideshow to me. So, here I am, here you are. What say we get down to business. Back at NTAC. Tom: Ian Dravitt. Founder and CEO of Executive Projections. A multinational corporation based in Zimbabwe. Diana:If a company wants to do business in a third world country, they'll show you the lay of the land. It's all perfectly legitimate. Tom: Yeah, on the surface, but Dravitt's real money comes from mercenary activity arms dealing. Sold grenade launchers to the IRA. White phospherous landmines to the shiny path gorilla's in Peru. Nina: So what's he selling to Collier? Tom: Good question. Our observation teams can't even tell you what time Collier takes lunch. Diana: Beyond the lobby, that place is a mystery. We've sent our Agents in disguised as air conditioning guys, fibreoptics repair men. Tom: If we get a bug in, it's yanked before the day's over. Probably sweeping the place every few hours. As far as Collier's pow wows with Dravitt? All we can do is guess. Nina: You think he's stockpiling weapons? Diana: Arms, anthrax, nothing would surprise me. I mean, Collier's all but said he's at war with the US Government. Tom: Could be laying down a defence perimeter around the center. That way, if we ever have to go in there, he'll be ready. Diana: Think Waco. Jonestown. The phone rings and Nina picks it up. Nina: Jarvis! I'll send them down. Gary is in a waiting area at NTAC. Tom and Diana enter. Diana: Mr Navarro. I'm Agent Skouris, this is Agent Tom.... Gary: Please, please, don't talk. It's too noisy. Your voices and your thoughts just all bleed together. Tom: Our report said that you were going on about.... Gary: No voices. Just concentrate on what you wanna ask me. The I'll hear you. A couple of weeks ago. It was during the game. I could hear everyone's thoughts. At first it was just the pitchers, pretty good actually. Cos I knew everything he was gonna throw before he threw it. He threw them five for five. Two homers, two singles and a double. Tom: That is exact..... Diana: Shhhh! Diana takes a seat. Gary: So yeah. Yeah, it was great when it started. But I can't control it. At first it was everyone on the team and then everyone in the stand, and then, I don't know, just everyone. It's like this ocean of noise crashing around in my head. I want someone to make it go away. That's what I want. I was this close to making it into the majors, when I got snatched.This time I'm going to make it. I have to make it. Diana and Tom report back to Nina. Nina: What, so Navarro is some kind of mind reader? Diana: I believe, telepath is the word you're looking for. Tom: Well call it something else if it makes you uncomfortable, but the guy definitely knew what we were thinking. Nina: Interesting gift. I could think of a few practical applications for it. Diana: Dr Rossman gave him some holiparodol. Calmed him down. Quietened the noise some. Nina: So he can function as long as he's on anti-psychotic medicine. Tom: Well, we don't have to fit him for any straitjacket but he's not going to be hitting any knuckle balls either, which is all he wants to do. Nina: Well put NTAC medical on him. If they can help him they will. Tom: Great. Kyle heads into the university to sign up for courses. Kyle: Kyle Baldwin? Woman: Social Security number? Kyle: There it is. Woman: Baldwin....Nope. You're not eligible to register. Kyle: Sure I am. I got in last semester. I just took deferred admission. Woman: Except your tuition hasnt been paid. Kyle: What are you talking about, my dad sent a cheque. Woman: Nope. She turns the screen towards him, which shows that Tom never made the payment. Nina goes to Tom's office. Nina: Baldwin! Got a question. Tom: I've got Navarro's transfer forms right here. You just need to sign them. Nina: Yeah I will, but not just yet. Tom: Why not? Nina: We wanna know what Collier and Dravitt are up to. A 4400 who can read minds, just walked through the front door. Tom: You wanna use Navarro as a mole? Is that even legal? Nina: DC cleared it. Tom: Well how about ethical? The guy's asking us for help. Hell, he's even begging us. Nina: And we'll help him. But he's gotta help us first. Tom: And what if he say's no? Nina: Then you'll get him to say yes. Lily goes to see the motel manager. Lily: Excuse me. Could we get one more blanket? The one we've got is kind of thin. Manager: Yeah well, they're all kinda thin, but if you wanna bring it down, I'll switch it. Lily: Oh, I think we might need both. Manager: You might think you need them but you aren't gonna get them. See there's only so many rooms and so many blankets and you have your allotment. Lily: My baby is cold. Can I please have a warm blanket, so she doesn't get sick? I'll give you five dollars. He takes the money. Manager: I'm a sucker for a pretty face. She turns to Isabelle. Lily: He wasn't very nice to us, was he? Isabelle stares at the cash register and it opens. Lily quickly grabs some cash and closes it. The manager returns with a blanket. Manager: Here. Lily: Thankyou. The plan to spy on Collier is put to Gary. Gary: What if they catch me? Tom: We'll be monitoring you every step of the way. Diana: We plant a tiny transmitter receiver behind your ear under the skin. Takes ten minutes, no scar. Tom: If things go south, we'll be in there like the cavalry. Gary: When I was a kid, my favourite show was The Man From Uncle. Thirty years just gone in a snap. My little brother is retiring from the Tacoma police force at the end of the year. He's 53. Guys I played ball with, the one's that made it to the Majors, are signing autographs at card shows now. The game is all I have. Tom: Yeah, I get that. Gary: What, you play ball? Tom: Senior year in college. I blew my knee out. Tried to slide under a tag. Gary: What position? Tom: Third base. Gary: Yeah, another endfield, huh? You miss it? Tom: All the time. But what we do here, Gary. What we're asking you to do for us. It's not the worlds series, but it's uh, it's pretty damn important. Gary: I'll do this for you guys. But you gotta fix me, right? Tom: You have my word. Gary: Ok Tom returns home to find Kyle in the kitchen making something to eat. Tom: Sorry about dinner. New case. I'm glad you didn't wait for me. Kyle: That's what you're sorry about? Dinner? Ask me how my first day at college was. Tom: How was your first day at college? Kyle: I didn't have one! Nobody paid my tuition! Tom: What are you talking about. Of course I did! That's ridiculous. Kyle: I tried calling you a bunch of times. You didn't answer your phone. Tom: I was in meetings all day. I know I wrote that cheque. He get's his chequebook out and realises he's wrong. Kyle: That's great Dad. Tom: I'm sorry Kyle, I must have forgot. Kyle: You've been talking about this for a month. How could you forget? Tom: Here, bring it in tomorrow. I'll send a note. Or I'll talk to the registrar myself. Whatever you want. Kyle grabs the cheque and walks away. Tom: Kyle, don't walk away from me. Just, look, I admit it. I'm not denying it. I screwed up. But works been a little crazy lately.... Kyle: The job? I've been waiting for that one. Finally feels like old times around here. Back with Richard and Lily in the motel room. Lily has ordered in food. Richard: What's this? Lily. What is it? Did you spend all the cash, buying this stuff? What? Talk to me. Lily: The cash register at the front desk was open, and we needed food and Isabelle needed diapers. Richard: You stole money? Lily: It's not like I planned it. I had to beg for a blanket and the drawer was open, so.... Richard: He left you standing there with the cash register open? Lily: No, no, he closed it. At least I think he did. It wasn't open and then it was open. Richard: That still doesn't make it right. It's not how I live my life. Lily: Have you looked around? Because this isn't how I planned to live my life, either. Look, I know it was wrong. I don't need you to tell me it was wrong. Stop shaking your head. Just eat something, ok? It's silly for all this food to go to waste. Richard: Go ahead. I'm not hungry. April and Maia return home. April: How much fun was that? Maia: I liked it. Diana: So where have you two been? Your note just said, out. Maia: Lot's of places. The pier, pikestreet and even the ferry. Maia has a tattoo on her arm. Diana: What have you done? You didn't! April: I told you she'd freak. Relax, they're rub ons. Maia: As in fake. But they're pretty, aren't they? Diana: Yeah, they're very pretty. Now why don't you go get started on your homework. Maia: I'm in trouble. April: Did you at least like the shirt? And by the way. You live in Seattle and your kids never heard of Kurt Cobain? What's wrong with you, Di? Diana:Thank goodness you're here to teach her all about tattoo's and suicidal rock stars. And by the way. Who gave you permission to take her out of school? April: I'm her Aunt. I didn't know I needed permission. Diana: Well if you're gonna send her teacher home for the day, you do. April: Sitting at your kitchen table all day long? Yeah, that's a big loss. What are you keeping this kid locked away for? Diana: If I wanted your opinion on how I'm raising my daughter, I'd ask. Maia comes out clutching her stomach. Maia: Mommy! Diana: What's wrong sweetheart? Maia: I think I have to throw up. Diana: What did you give her to eat? April: Anything she wanted. Diana: Oh, good going Aunt April. Tom and Diana are in a surveillance van. Gary prepares to enter the center. Gary: Ok guys, I'm going in. Tom [Via comm]: Colliers gonna want to meet you. You're one of the 4400. Diana: Anything you can learn about him is great, but our main target is Ian Dravitt. See what you can find out about him and why he's there. Tom: You have a two weeks supply of haliperol. It should keep you clear, but hopefully you'll be done in a couple of day's. Devon spots Gary. Devon: [*Cute. Nice shoes. Steer him over to the brochures.*] My names Devon. Gary: I'm Gary Navarro. Kind of interested in finding out what you guys do here. Devon: Well I'd be happy to show you around. Have you read Mr Collier's book. Gary: I didn't have to, I lived it. I'm one of the 4400. Devon: Well, welcome home. Gary meets Collier. Collier: Gary Navarro, Jordan Collier. It's nice to meet you. Well, that's a nice firm grip. I'd expect nothing less of a promising second baseman. Gary: How did you know I played ball? Collier: Well it's my business to know everything about the 4400. So has anything shown up yet? An ability or.... Gary: No not me. I've got a hard enough time hitting a split fingered fast ball. Collier: It's kind of disappointing, isn't it? All those years lost....No ability. Pass it along to Devon. Get back to Dravitt Shawn enters. Shawn: Jordan, we need to talk. Collier: Absolutely Shawn. First I'd like you to meet a fellow returnee. Gary Navarro? Shawn Farrell. Gary: Hi. Shawn: How you doing. Collier: Shawn here's a little luckier than you and I. He came back with quite a remarkable ability. Shawn: I'm blessed alright. See the halo round my head? I really need to talk to you. Collier: Give us a second. Shawn and Collier move away from Gary. Shawn: Look, I've been doing some poking around on the internet. I found some stuff that you need to know, because let me tell you, I really hope that you don't know already. Collier: If it can be found on a search engine, believe me I know it. Shawn: You're ok with this Dravitt guy? Collier: Eyes on the prize, remember? Doing business with our friend does not make us our friend. Shawn: [*Dravitt's not my friend, he's a dangerous prick*] Collier: I'll meet you outside in ten minutes. As soon as I get squared away, we'll talk about it. Shawn leaves. Collier: Here you go? Kyle stands on campus as a woman walks past. Wendy: Hello? Hello? Are you alright? Kyle:Wow, where was I? Wendy: Far away, I think. First day meltdown? Kyle: Just lost and late. Making my way to classes I don't even wanna take. Wendy: Not such a good day then. Kyle: Introductory survey of 19th century Norvella's coming now. Wendy: Maybe it'll enlighten you in way's you never could have imagined. Kyle: Not likely. There isn't anything up in this period. Wendy: Well this is Olwyn Hall. Take the stairs and slide to your left. She walks away. Kyle: Thanks. Maybe I'll see you around. Wendy: You never know. Kyle enters the lecture room. Wendy enters the front of the room and stands at the desk. Wendy: Hello everybody. I'm Wendy Paulson. Welcome to ninteenth century Norvella's. Is everyone in the right place? Kyle holds up his hand. Wendy: I will speak to you after class. Shawn and Collier are having an arguement in the grounds. Gary is hiding behind some tree's. Tom and Diana are still in the van Gary[Into comm]: I can't hear anything. I'm gonna try and get closer. Tom [Into comm]: Gary, what are you doing? Gary [Into comm]: Collier and that kid. Your nephew? I think they're argueing about that guy, Dravitt. Tom [Into Comm]: Gary, go inside. Dravitt comes up behind Gary. Dravitt: Getting a good eyeful? Gary: Look, I'm just.... Two of Dravitt's men grab him. Diana: We should pull him out. Tom: No, not yet. Maybe he can talk his way out of it. Gary is dragged over to Collier and Shawn. Shawn: What the hell do you think you're doing? Let him go. Dravitt: You should be more careful who you let in your manor, my son. We detained him as a professional courtesay. Shawn: Jordan, these guys are thugs. Dravitt: No need for name calling. We merely happened upon this gentleman in the process of spying on the two of you. Gary: I had a couple of questions for you, that's all. I saw you guys were having an arguement or something. What am I supposed to do, interrupt? Shawn: Wanna know what we were talking about, because it's no big secret. I'll tell you exactly what we were talking about. Collier: Shawn. Enough! You're gonna find out I'm tied up a lot of the time, Gary. If you have questions, any of my staff will be happy to help. Gary: I'm sorry. Next time I'll know better. Collier: Alright. Go on back inside. They let him go. Dravitt: [**Careful where he wanders. No-ones getting between me and thirty million dollars**] Richard, Lily and the baby are in bed. Richard is still awake, staring at the ceiling. He hears a car pull up outside. Going to the window, he see's a police car. Lily: Richard, what is it? What's wrong? Richard: Police. She get's up and goes over to the window. Lily: Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Richard: I'll tell them I took the money. You didn't have anything to do with it. The police bang on a door. Police Officer: Police! Open up! Male: Give us a minute! Police Officer: Open up now! [SCENE_BREAK] They realise that the police aren't after them. Lily: They're not after us. We're ok. They hug. Gary goes back inside his room at the center. Gary [Via comm]: Guys, are you there? Tom: Go ahead Gary. Gary: Sorry I've been so out of touch. They've had me in these classes all morning. I haven't even seen Collier all morning, or that other guy. Diana: Well, that's ok. You just go where they tell you. Gary: Yeah but I thought you said you wanted to know more about that money that Collier's shelling out. Where are my meds? Diana: Gary, what's wrong. Gary: My meds, they're gone. I don't.... He hears someone outside the room and opens the door to find Devon and another man. Gary: Uh, excuse me, I uh, I had a prescription of some tranquillisers in my room and now they're gone. Devon: You don't need those. You've been conditioned to think you need them. Taking anything that supresses your natural openness is counter intuitive to our programme. Maybe you should sit through the nutrition and purification lecture again. Devon get's into an elevator and the door closes. Gary goes back into his room, obviously distressed. Gary: Did you hear that Baldwin? They took the haloparadol. Tom: Yes Gary I heard it. You wanna abort? You wanna walk outta there? Gary: The voices are getting louder in my head already. It's already getting worse. The voices are starting to bleed through the walls. Tom: Just calm down Gary. We'll come and get you if we need to. It's your call. Gary talk to me. Gary: Ok. You guys are gonna hold up your end of this deal, right? Tom: Yes, of course. Gary: Ok, ok. I'll hold up my end and hang in as long as I can. Tom: We'll hang in with you. Listen Gary, someone's gonna be on this channel 24/7 remember? Gary: Yeah right. Richard and Lily leave the motel and get back in the truck. Isabelle is crying. Richard has a flashback to Josiah and his son's killing themselves in the woods. Kyle speaks to Wendy after class. Kyle: I read the Secret Sharer Wendy: Just like your syllabus said. That's a good start. Kyle: Not just the first 20 pages. I got really into it, read the whole thing. Wendy: Ninteenth century Norvella's not quite the hell on Earth you expected? Kyle: It definitely wasn't boring. I got a lot of questions though. Wendy: Ok, well I have office hours. Wednesday one to four. Kyle: Ok, yeah. I'll try to stop by. Wendy: Or we could run by the Cook the and grab some coffee. Kyle: What, right now? Wendy: I like talking about Joseph Conrad. That's why I picked this for a living. April cooks dinner for Diana and Maia. Diana: Where did you learn to do all this, cos Mom never taught us to cook. April: I don't know. I just learned how. Had to be better than you at something. Maia: Aunt April, do you have any kids? April: Nope, no kids. Maia: Are you married? April: I used to be. Ask your Mom what she thought of my ex-husband. Diana: Don't start. Maia: You didn't like him? Diana: Neither did April apparently. She only stayed with Trevor for what, seven months? April: You were hostile from day one. You never gave him a chance. Diana: I don't think he deserved much of a chance. He was kind of a moron. April: He was 22. Show me one guy who isn't a moron at 22. He knew you hated him and that didn't make it any easier for us to stay together. Diana: Come on! You can't keep blaming that on me. Just grow up! April: Ok, this was a mistake. I thought it was a good idea to come here, but obviously I was wrong. I'll go pack. There's a little hotel up the street. Maia: No! April: It's ok honey, we'll still see each other. Maia: But the power's going to go out there tonight and you won't have any lights. April: What is she talking about? Maia: Can I please be excused? Maia jumps up and leaves. Gary is taking a class and the sounds of everyone's thoughts are filling his head. He is obviously distressed. Tutor: Mr Navarro is something wrong? Gary: This is no good, I need my haliparodol. Where's Collier. Tutor: Mr Collier's in a meeting. Gary get's to his feet and walks from the room. Tutor: Mr Navarro! Diana and Tom are in the surveillance van Diana: Gary what's wrong? Gary: I gotta talk to Collier. Diana: That's not a good idea Gary. Gary enters Colliers outer office. Secretary: Mr Navarro, he's in a meeting!! Gary carries on through to Collier's office and finds him sat with Dravitt. Gary: Make it stop. Please make it stop. I need my medication. Dravitt: Whatever's eating you old son, we'll make it stop. Count on that. A man holds a gun to Gary's head. Later. Collier: A 4400 who can read minds. You shouldn't have lied to me Gary. Dravitt: You mean to tell me that this guy knows what I'm thinking? Because I do not like anyone inside my head but me. Shawn: Jordan, this guy's one of us, we can't just stand here and let him get killed. Collier: Nobody's killing anyone. Dravitt: First, we find out what our man here knows and then we discuss his fate. There are things I know that could get you killed!! That could get all of you killed. Tom and Diana race out of the van. Diana: Call Jarvis. Tell her we're going in! Collier: Look Ian.... Dravitt: Shut up! Shut up now! Shawn makes a move towards Dravitt. One of Dravitts henchmen grab him but Shawn uses his powers to force him to his knees. Tom and Diana race through the foyer. Evan: Hi I'm Evan, welcome to the 4400 The race past him. Guard: Upper levels are not open to visitors Tom: We're not visitors Guard: Hey look buddy, I got a badge too and this is private property. Tom hits him to the floor. Shawn is continuing to use his ability on the man. Dravitt: What the hell's he doing to him? Let him go or so help me I'll splatter your brains all over your highly polished floor. Collier: Now that is enough. Collier is hit. Gary begins yelling, whilst clutching his head. Tom and Diana rush into the room. Tom: Everyone down now! Collier: How the hell did you get in here? Diana: Don't sound so happy to see us. Dravitt: What in the hell is this? Collier: NTAC Agents. I don't appreciate the government interfering in my business. Tom: Well maybe you should be more careful who you do business with. Gary: They're not buying weapons, they're planning a coup overseas. Some tiny country Shawn: You sent a spy in here, Uncle Tommy? Good job, you almost got us all killed. Diana: You too Mr Dravitt. Dravitt: It'll be interesting to see if your friends impressions will stand up in court. I guess I'm the one who should be more careful who I do business with. Tom: Shawn, you can come with us if you want. Shawn looks at the floor. Tom: Great. I'll tell your mother you said hello. Collier: Gary, you should have come to me first. I'd have treated you better than they ever will. [*We're at war here. Don't pick the losing side*] Lily is sitting with Isabelle outside a store. A woman and young boy walk out. Woman: Look at the cute little baby. I think someone wants to try your toy, Walt. Lily: I think you're right. Richard appears. Richard: Hi. Woman: Hi. Richard [To Lily]: Get back in the car. Lily: Why? Richard: Please. They walk away. Lily: What is your problem. That little boy was being sweet with her. Richard: I just didn't want anybody getting hurt. Lily: Hurt? Whose gonna get hurt? Richard: What if she doesn't wanna give the toy back. What's gonna happen then? Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. Those three men in the woods. Lily: They wanted us dead! Richard: You saw what happened to them, that was Isabelle. We both know and there's no reason in pretending otherwise. Lily: Whatever Isabelle does, she does it out of love for us. She's our daughter, Richard. Richard: I know she is and I love her right back. But she's something else too and I wish to God I knew what that was. Isabelle uses her powers on Richard and he falls to the ground in pain. Lily: What is it? What's wrong? Richard: I'm fine. Nina holds a meeting with Tom and Diana at NTAC. Nina: So what, so Collier planned to spend 30 million dollars funding mercenary activity in Sal Tomey? Tom: They've had three coups since their independance in1975. My guess? Collier was trying to buy them before. Nina: Did Gary happen to hear while Collier's so interested in an island of the west coast of Africa? Diana: Without his medication, we're lucky to have got that much out of him. Tom: But we do know that Collier thinks he's heading towards a conflict with someone. NTAC, the entire government, I don't know. He installs a friendly government in Sal Tomey. It could have been a place to go when things heat up. Diana: What, like a homeland for the 4400. Nina: Too bad you can't prosecute a man for delusions of grandeur. Tom: They're not delusions if you can make them come true. We're always one step behind Collier because we keep seeing him as some kind of cult nut. What we should be asking ourselves is, before Collier was abducted, did he ever set his mind to something and not get it done. Diana: They didn't make him any dumber in that ball of light. Tom: Yeah whatever. We wanted to know what Collier was thinking. Gary found out for us. Time to turn him over to NTAC medical, right? Nina: Soon. Diana: Soon? Nina: The NSAECC know anytime we register a new 4400 ability. They have been leaning on. They've been leaning on DC to borrow Gary for an op they've got planned. No more cloak and dagger stuff. He'll sit in on a few conferences. You know how it is with diplomats. They don't always say what they think. Tom: That wasn't the agreement I made with him. Nina: The terms have changed. Gary's too valuable. Tom: I gave him my word. You turning me into a liar? Nina: You've been in the game almost 20 years. My guess is you've committed all the seven deadly sins, just like the rest of us. Tom: I should have let him stay with Collier. He might have used him, but he would have helped him too. Don't you ever use me again! He storms out of the room and Diana follows him. Later he walks alongside Gary as he's escorted out of the building by some men. Gary: All I wanted was to play ball. You guys promised to help, but you can't do that, can you? He walks away, but at the last minute turns to face Tom and Diana. He turns and walks out the door. Diana: We're worried about the 4400. It's seems more and more like they should be worried about us. Tom: You know that bar at Mel's. Corner of Lancaster and Third. You feel like joining me? Diana: We don't go to bars. Tom: I'm going tonight, with you or without you. He walks away leaving her standing in the parking lot.

A baseball player unsettled by his ability to read the thoughts of others turns to NTAC for help and is instead used to spy on Jordan Collier. Meanwhile, Diana's younger sister visits; and Richard and Lily's life on the lam is complicated by their daughter's growing powers.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x18

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x18_0

[Scene: The Kiss. Pacey is on the side of the road kissing Joey, when she stops him, shoving hi as she talks to him.] Joey: Ohh! Are you insane? How could you do that? How could you take some simple declaration of friendship as an invitation to just maul me, Pacey? Answer me. What were you thinking? What? Pacey: What? I don't know. It--it--it was an impulse. Joey: An impulse?! Pacey: Yes, an impulse. You know, sudden, momentary, and, believe me, fleeting. Joey: Do you have any idea of the monumental implications of that meaningless little impulse? The ripple effect that it could create in our small but fragile universe? Pacey: You're right, Potter. Forgive me for thinking a kiss is just a kiss. Joey: Well, it's true. A kiss is not just a kiss, not between you and me, and you know why. Dawson? Remember? He factors into this little... Hormonal meltdown. Pacey: "Meltdown"? Joey: Yeah. Pacey: I just had a meltdown? Forgive me if I don't think that this is the worst tragedy in the history of humankind-- that Pacey Witter, in a moment of... Impulsive, compulsive, hormone-induced insanity, would have the nerve to kiss Joey Potter. And you let me do it. You did, you let me do it. So, what, now I guess the universe begins to unravel. Well, excuse me while I get in the car. Joey: Oh! Pacey: Would you get in the car, potter! Joey: No! Pacey: Will you just get in the car, potter, please? Joey: No. Pacey: I didn't even mean it. You know? This is me Pacey-- act first, think later. And now that I'm getting a chance to think about it, I take it all back, ok? So get in the car. Joey: No. Pacey: Jo, it's at least another 6 miles to your house. It is freezing cold outside. And if you don't get in, I'm just gonna do this the whole way there. So would you get in please? Joey: [Sighs] Pacey: So I guess I'm to take it from your angry silence that you're not speaking to me anymore. Joey: Nope. Pacey: Great, great. And how long you planning on keeping that up? Joey: How does "indefinitely" sound? Pacey: Fine. Joey: Fine. Pacey: Fine. Joey: Fine. [Scene: Joey's house and the diner. Bessie and Joey are talking at her house, and Doug and Pacey are at the dinner. The scene jumps between the two of their conversations about the incident that happened between them.] Bessie: So, are you planning to fill me in, or do I have to die from anticipation? Joey: What? Bessie: How was it seeing A.J.? And leave no sordid detail unturned. Joey: Well, let's see... We broke up, and then Pacey went insane and kissed me. [Cut to Diner] Doug: Hey, you kissed her. Good for you. [Cut to Joey's House] Bessie: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. How could he do this to you? Joey: Well, technically, I maybe sort of... Let him do it to me, but I still blame him entirely. [Cut to Diner] Pacey: The whole thing was her fault. I mean, she told me that I was the one she thinks about. You know? Me. And then she gives me this look. What was I supposed to do? Do you know how long I've been waiting for her to give me that look [Cut to Joey's House] Joey: And then he gave me this look, this look, like... Bessie: I know the look. [Cut to Diner] Doug: Look, I don't get it. She gave you the look. You kissed her, it was a good kiss. So what's the problem? Pacey: Well, the hitting, punching, and rejecting. That might be a bit of a problem, not to mention [Cut to Joey's House] Joey: Dawson. I mean, if he found out, I don't even want to think about what would happen if he found out. I know one thing-- we could kiss our friendship goodbye. [Cut to Diner] Pacey: He'd never speak to me again. I can't risk that. He's the brother I never had. Doug: So what you're saying is Joey's like a bus. Pacey: No. What I'm saying is Joey is like girl. No, no. Doug: Hear me out, ok? Joey is like a bus that can't go below 50. Dawson is a bomb hidden underneath that bus. And you are the brave, heroic police officer wanting to drive the bus to safety, but can't because of the bomb. [Cut to Joey's house] Joey: Do you think it was more than just an impulse? Bessie: I don't know, Joey. Joey: You're sure a big help. Bessie: I'm sorry. Look, I'm obviously not telling you what you want to hear because I honestly don't know. You know, maybe you should talk to someone about it, someone who could help you figure it out. Joey: Who? Dawson, Pacey, Andie? This is what you're supposed to help me with. Bessie: I can't shed light on this one for you. I'm sorry, Joey. [Cut to outside diner] Doug: You need to forge ahead. Things can work between you 2, if you first defuse the bomb. Pacey, you need to tell Dawson about Joey. Ok? Now, the trick is to do it in a manner that makes it impossible for him to hate you. Now, what I suggest is you take him to a place that reminds him of the long history the 2 of you share, a place where he'll think about how much you really mean to him. Then you tell him. Oh, sure, yeah, he'll be upset, but he'll also understand that your friendship is more important to him. In fact, he'll probably respect the fact that you cared enough to tell him in the first place, in which case, he'll tell you to go right on ahead. And you and Joey can just drive off into the sunset. Pacey: That's your advice? Doug: And what is wrong with that advice? Pacey: Nothing. There's nothing wrong with that advice. It's just very thought out and un-Dougie-like. However, even if your ridiculous plan was to work, you've left out a couple of minor details, I.E. Her hitting, her punching, her yelling Doug: Oh, grow up, little brother. Do you think she would've reacted so strongly if she didn't feel something for you, too? Pacey: Hmm? [Scene: Outside The McPhee house. Jack is eating breakfast, and Andie comes out to join him.] Andie: Ohh! There was no hot water in the shower today, I ran out of shampoo, and I have 2 tests, french and math. What are you so smiley about? Jack: Ethan's coming early this afternoon. He's going to spend the weekend. Andie: Hmmm! Do I smell a romance a-brewin', big brother? Jack: Come on. It is possible for 2 males to be friends without it turning sexual, you know? Andie: Jack, I'm not talking about your orientation. I'm talking about the fact that you can't wipe that grin off your face. Jack: I'm serious. I'm just glad i finally found a friend who actually, you know, accepts me for who I am and understands. It's just a gigantic relief, that's all. Andie: So, uh, what does dad have to say about all this? Jack: Well, he's got that business trip this weekend anyway, so I figured, you know, why risk a fight? What? Andie: Uh, dad canceled it. Jack: Unh! Ohh. Well, you know what? So what? You know, it's a harmless situation. I'm an adult, pretty much, and if I want to have a friend come over to the house, I can. You know? There's not a damn thing he can say about it. Mr. McPhee: Not a damn thing who cay about what? Andie: Uh, not a damn thing the congress can say to the president if he decides to veto that new tax initiative reform thingy. Mr. McPhee: Ok. Bye. Andie: Bye. [Scene: School Hallway. Jen and Henry are walking and talking.] Henry: Why are you smiling like that? Jen: Oh, no reason. Let me ask you something, Henry. Henry: Ok. Jen: When, exactly, were you planning on telling me that tomorrow's your birthday? Henry: How'd you find out? Jen: I have my sources, and in honor of your birth, I planned us a little outing. Dinner, a movie, and then comes your present, which will remain a surprise so don't even try and get it out of me. Henry: Jen, actually, I can't. Well, not tomorrow, at least. Jen: Why not? Henry: I have plans. Jen: You have plans on your birthday?With who? Your other girlfriend? Henry: With my mother and my family. You know, it's a family thing, no friends. Jen: Oh. Henry: I--I'm sorry. Jen: That's cool. I mean, I understand that. [One of the football team walks by him] Jock: Hey, Henry. I'll see you at your party tomorrow, man. Can't wait. Jen: You're having a birthday party and you didn't invite me? Henry: Oh, ok, just--just let me explain, ok? Jen: Oh, I can't think of one possible thing you would say right now that would dig you out of the grand canyon-size hole you are in. But while you frantically search for a shovel, I'm going to class. [Scene: The school Cafeteria. Joey is carrying a tray, and sees Dawson at a table, and then sees Pacey join him, she looks around and sees Andie and goes to join her at another table.] Dawson: Hey, man. I can't--Take a look at this. I can't believe they're doing that. Pacey: "Construction to begin next week on phase 3 of capewoods condominiums." And? Dawson: And? Pacey, they're gonna bulldoze our woods. Our fort. That's where we did all our pre-adolescent male bonding. Pacey: Ah, yeah. Our first furtive glances at playboy, you watching me take my first sips of stolen beer. Dawson: We should protest it, you know? We should handcuff ourselves to the fort, or something. [Cut Andie's table] Andie: You seem a little-- I don't know-- weird, or something. Joey: I'm fine. Andie: I'm joking. So, how was your weekend? Anything interesting happen? Joey: Um... Nah. [Cut to Dawson's table] Pacey: You know what we should do? We should go camping. You and I. Give the old fort one last hurrah. Dawson: Really? Pacey: Yeah, I mean, this could be our last chance, man. Pacey and Dawson paying homage to their swiftly disappearing childhood. Dawson: That's a really good idea. Let's do it. Let's go camping. Pacey: Great. Ok. [Cut to Andie's Table] Joey: What's wrong? Jen: Well, my boyfriend is ashamed of me and a weaselly little liar, but other than that, I'm just peachy. Andie: Sorry, Jen. Joey: Me, too. Jen: Well, given the pathetic track record of my love life, why would I expect any less? Andie: Ok, you know what, friend other girls don't have these problems like we do. And you want to know why? Because they actually hang out together. Jen: What do you mean? Andie: I mean, this mood of yours is in clear need of a little estrogen energy boost. Not to mention the fact that there's this mysterious black cloud hanging over Joey's head. So, I think this calls for a girls' night out. Joey: A girls' night out? Andie: Yeah. Ok, don't you guys think it's a little abnormal that the two of you never hang out with anybody who doesn't have a pen1s? You'd be surprised at how powerful female bonding can be. Haven't you ever seen Thelma and Louise? Joey: Andie, they killed somebody. Jen: And then they drove off of a cliff. Andie: Yeah, but the point is, they did it together. Solidarity. I mean, in this cold, cruel world, a girl can rely on one thing: Her sisters. I need a little female bonding, and so do you. So, what do you say? Jen: You know what? I'm in. Andie: Yay, Jen. Joey: Yeah, I'm-- all right, I'm in. Andie: Yay. Ok, you're not gonna regret it. [Scene: The McPhee house. The doorbell rings and Jack opens to door to see Ethan.] Ethan: Hey, Jack. Jack: Hey. What's up, man? Ethan: It's good to see you. Jack: You, too. [Mr. McPhee drives up.] Jack: Dad. You're home early. Mr. McPhee: Could I see you for a minute? What's the meaning of this? Jack: No meaning, he's a friend. Mr. McPhee: If you had just asked my permission, you would have saved yourself the embarrassment of having to tell that boy to go home. Jack: He just took a 2-hour train ride from boarding school. I'm not telling him to go home. Mr. McPhee: Jack, this is not a good weekend for guests. Jack: This is not a good weekend for guests, or this is not a good weekend for the kind of guests that I would have? Mr. McPhee: That is not what i said. Jack: No, but it's what you mean. Look, dad, i don't care, all right? He's a friend, he's staying. I don't have to justify that to you. Mr. McPhee: But you felt you had to keep it from me, which makes it all the more clear that it's not a good idea. Jack: Yeah, I felt I had to keep it from you because I knew you'd react this way. Mr. McPhee: My answer is no. Jack: Look... You know what? I don't care what your answer is, because I'm not asking. When I moved back home, there was a promise that this would be an open household, that I could live my life free of judgment. Mr. McPhee: As long as you're under my roof Jack: The only reason I'm here is because of Andie. You know what? I'm glad you came back here this weekend. 'Cause if watching me hang out with my friends makes you suffer, then you deserve to suffer. ! [Scene: Outside Buzz's house. Pacey is carrying Buzz on his shoulders and walks up to the house and puts him on the porch.] Pacey: Gotta say, that was good work out there today, buzz. Couple more weekends like this and we'll be done. All right, down you come. You little monkey. All right, slap me some skin, man. It was good work. Buzz: You can't leave yet. My friends are coming over and I told them all about my semi-cool mentor. Pacey: I wish I could stay, but I already made plans, little buddy. Buzz: Trying to give me a complex about my height? Pacey: Look, this has been a ton of fun, but I'm already late to meet my buddy, ok? Buzz: Girlfriend? Pacey: No, nosy. I'm going camping with my buddy Dawson. Buzz: But I want to go camping. Why don't you take me camping? Pacey: Because I can't. This is a no-kids trip. It's just me and Dawson. But next time-- you and me, camping. I promise. How does that sound, huh? See you on Sunday? Buzz: Whatever. Bye, Pacey. Pacey: Ok. [Scene: Jen's house. The girls are having their slumber party.] Andie: I'll go first. Facials and pedicures. What do you think? Great! Ok, I'll go get the stuff ready. Jen: So, what's up? Joey: Not much. Jen: Really? 'Cause, Joey, if you're going through a particular situation right now and you need somebody to talk to, somebody to shed light but yet who's still uninvolved, I just wanted to let you know I'm here. Joey: Do you have any information you'd like to share about a particular situation? Jen: You, me, Dawson, Pacey-- it's a real incestuous little group. Now, I know I'm just standing on the periphery, but it seems like there's a whole world balance that's definitely been shifting. Joey: You know, what I'd like to know is... How some meaningless impulsive scenario-- which was over before it began-- somehow became public knowledge. And what makes you think that I want to talk about it? Jen: Joey, nothing's public knowledge, and I have no idea what particular scenario you're referring to, but it's pretty clear from your attitude that it's not meaningless. And like I said before, if you need somebody to talk to, to help figure things out with it, I just wanted to tell you that I'm here. [Scene: The McPhee house. Jack and Ethan are playing Chess. Mr. McPhee comes in.] Mr. Mcphee: So, what are you kids up to? Jack: What does it look like we're up to? Mr. McPhee: Mind if I join you? Jack: Actually, yes. Why don't you go over to Jen's with a pair of binoculars and spy on Andie for a while? Jack: God. You'd think he'd be a little less blatant about watch dogging us. I'm sorry to put you through this. Ethan: Don't worry about it. I've been there and back with my own dad. I know how to handle it. [Scene: the sidewalk. Pacey and Dawson are walking together with backpacks on and talking.] Pacey: How the hell did we do this when we were 10 years old? Dawson: Then, all we had on our backs were a bag of chips and a couple Capri suns. Pacey: Yeah, I guess a lot's changed since then. Dawson: Yeah, of course. Pacey: But change is good, right? I mean, change can be good. You know, sometimes even change that seems like it's bad can end up being good. Pacey: Hey, there it is, man. Our old fort. Fruit of an entire summer's labor. Still standing. Dawson: You know, that's just typical. Pacey: Of what? Dawson: Of me. Everything-- the fence, the fort, the old lady, the dog-- I remember all these things as being bigger than life. In reality, they're just ordinary. Maybe my whole life was just ordinary. Pacey: All this over an old fort? We were 9 years old when we built this, Dawson. What do you expect, the Taj Mahal? Dawson: Of course not it's just I... I don't know. Recently I've been trying to connect with who I was in the past, when I had all this passion and I knew who I was, and things were simple-- magical, even. But now I just-- I don't know, maybe I never was that person. Maybe I just thought I was. Pacey: You know, it's funny you should put it that way because what it sounds to me like is-- sounds like you're looking for an answer, you know? And so am I, because just this morning I was sittin' over breakfast with deputy Doug-- of all people to ask for an answer, but you know-- so he tells me that I should probably come to you because you're the one who's gonna have the answer that I need, so-- [rustling in bushes] Dawson: Do you hear that? Pacey: No. What? [Buzz and some other boys ride up on bikes.] Buzz: Yes! We found them! Hey! Neat fort! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Jen's house. The slumber party is going on. They all have facials on and Andie is doing ] Joey: Can we take this gook off now? Jen: Ugh. I know. I can barely move my cheeks. Andie: Still have 2 1/2 more minutes. Joey: This popcorn is good. Andie: Thanks. It was my mom's specialty when I was a kid. Reminds me of being a child. Don't you wish you could be 10 years old again? Everything was so simple and under control then. God, I felt so protected. Joey: You know, I know what you mean. I mean, I miss the time when i could just climb the trees and roll around in the mud and hang out with the boys. It was like we were the same. None of this stupid man-woman stuff getting in the way. I felt free to just be myself. Jen: I never really got to be a little girl. My mom wouldn't let me play in the dirt because it wasn't proper, and she wouldn't let me dress up in her high heels because they were too expensive. And she was not about to let me pig out because she was afraid I'd get fat. Joey: All I want to do is eat ice cream. Eat ice cream, pretend to be a kid, and forget about those stupid boys. Jen: Oh, I know. They're twits. Awful. I mean, maybe it's genetic or something, but enough is enough. Jen: And they lie. Mmm. Joey: They mess with your heads. Jen: And the worst is when they have feelings for you and they won't even admit it. You know what? Joey: I've decided on my activity. My favorite place as a kid. The roller rink. Andie: Roller skating! Jen: Good! I think that your activity can overlap with mine. [Scene: The McPhee house. Ethan and Jack are getting ready to leave, and Mr. McPhee is in the kitchen.] Ethan: Uh, Mr. McPhee, would you care to join us for dinner? Mr. McPhee: Well, if you boys don't mind, I'd love that. Ethan: Great. Let's go. Mr. McPhee: Just let me get a jacket. Ethan: Ok. What? [Scene: The fort. Pacey comes back to join the group and is carrying a cell phone.] Pacey: All right, I talked to your parents. They said it's ok for you to stay here tonight. Boys: Yay! Pacey: Yay. I just want you to know, a 10-year-old with a cell phone is just plain wrong. Buzz: Dawson was gonna tell us a story. Dawson: That's right, that's right. I was gonna tell you a story about a very old man who was very rich and decided to build a very unusual type of amusement park. Buzz: With dinosaurs, and they called it Jurassic park, and I've seen it 12 times. Try again. Dawson: Ok. Uh... All right, this is a story about a boy named Elliott who thought he saw a goblin in his tool shed out back and Boy #1: Hel-lo! That was a movie. It's called E.T. Dawson: Ok, a great white shark? All: No! Boy #2: Why don't you tell us one of your stories. Dawson: Ok. All right, well... This is a true story, and Pacey said I shouldn't tell you guys, but, you know, I think you can handle it. Actually, it takes place in the woods that we're sitting in right now. It's about an old man who actually used to live in that fort back there. It used to be his home. His name is Max, which is an ordinary enough name, but Max is not an ordinary guy. Max is evil. Nobody knows why, but he hates things that are adorable, kind, or even happy. And he walks around these woods. He used to be a lumberjack, so he carries this huge, bloody ax. He stalks the woods killing bunnies, birds, whatever he can come across; but his favorite target... Is 9-year-olds. You ok, buzz? Buzz: Just keep goin'. Dawson: One day, max arrived home to find 3 boys sleeping in his house. [Scene: The roller rink. Jen, Joey and Andie are roller-skating around the rink talking while wearing all these fancy scarves and makeup.] Andie: You know what? I was thinking about what you guys said earlier, about how all guys are twits? And I think you're right, but I think there's more to it than that because... Sometimes, you know when they give you that certain look? You know, that look that says you are exactly where they want to be right now. And you feel it for them, too. And then you just melt like this big blob of ice cream, even when you don't want to. Pacey used to do that to me all the time. Right before he kissed me. Made my knees weak. Jen: Henry's got a look like that. Does it to me every time. Whoa! Andie: Ok, who wants to go again? Jen: Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm gonna take a break. Joey: Ok. Andie: Come on, joey. Ok. Let's go. Bye. Jen: Bye. [Chanting] henry, henry, henry! [Chanting] henry, henry, henry! [Jen turns around to see Henry and others at his party] Jen: Henry? Henry: Hi. [Scene: At dinner. Ethan, Jack and Mr. McPhee are there talking. Jack is kind of upset, and Ethan and Mr. McPhee are talking about cars.] Ethan: You had a '57 ford thunderbird? I can't believe it. That's my dream car. Mr. McPhee: Let me tell you, it drove like a dream, too. Mint condition. Cherry red, black interior, 8 cylinders, 3 speeds, convertible. Jack, do you remember that photograph your mother took of the two of us on the bumper when you were just a baby? Jack: I guess I blocked it out. Ethan: Why'd you get rid of it? Mr. McPhee: Oh, you know. Kids and everything. It was impractical. But I loved that car. I cried when I traded it in. Tears. Ethan: Oh, man. I can't believe that. Jack: Me neither. Mr. McPhee: I haven't thought about that in years. Jack used to beg me to take him for rides in it. You remember that car, Jack? Jack: I think I already said no. Mr. McPhee: Right. There's a classic car museum just down the road, stay open late on weekends. They've got a 1926 Cadillac. Blow your mind, Ethan. Ethan: Sounds great. Mr. McPhee: Jack? Jack: Great. [Scene: Back at the Fort. Pacey is digging near the fire, when he hits something with the shovel, and he pulls a box out of the ground.] Pacey: Dawson. Hey, check it out, man. Dawson: Oh, my god, I completely forgot about this. Ok, the ticket stub from the first time I saw Jurassic Park. And the second, and the third. Pacey: That's just sad, man. Dawson: Tell me about it. Pacey: Hey, check this out. It's deputy Doug's pocket knife. You know, my dad never found the evidence, but he still gave me the spanking of a lifetime. Go figure. Dawson: Oh, my god. Look at this. It's a picture of me and little Joey Potter. Look at how beautiful she was, even then. We had no idea. Pacey: We must have been deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice. Dawson: What's this? "The secret code of Pacey Witter and Dawson Leery." Do you remember this? You drew this up the day that-- Pacey: The day that we became blood brothers. Dawson: Yeah. It's our oath of loyalty. Pacey: Yeah. Dawson: God, this is great. I can't-- I can't believe you found this. It's so-- isn't it weird how you can just, like, put your friendship with somebody in a box, bury it, and completely forget about it? Pacey: Yeah. [Scene: the Roller Rink. Jen and Henry are talking together while skating alone.] Jen: Again, let me just assure you that this is a pure coincidence. I am not crashing your party, and your mom insisted that we stay, and that's the only reason. So you can stop being mad. Henry: I'm not mad. Humiliated, maybe, but not mad. Jen: Oh, wait a minute. First you lie to me about this party, then you hurt my feelings by not inviting me, and then I accidentally show up anyway, wearing this? And you're humiliated? Henry: Can you blame me? Look around, Jen. This place is fit for a 6-year old. I told my mom I'd do it this last time. How could I have brought you? You wouldn't have possibly understood. Jen: Come on. How do you know what I'll understand unless you tell me? Henry: It's been hard enough trying to get you to stop thinking of me as an innocent little kid. Then what-- bring you to this? Come on. Jen: Henry, how many times do I have to tell you this? Your innocence is one of the best things about you. It's helping me find the same thing within myself. You don't have to hide who you are. Not from me. Henry: So are you saying that you forgive me? Jen: I'm saying I don't like being lied to. Henry: No. I'm sorry. I understand if you never want to speak to me again. [He skates away.] Jen: So dramatic. Come back here, parker! You know, by the way, your birthday present would have been a copy of Born to Run. Mint condition, on vinyl. Henry: Would have been? Jen: Well, I--I--I-- I sort of sold it back to the record store and bought some angry chick music. Henry: I guess it's the thought that counts. Jen: Yeah, something like that. Happy birthday, Henry. Come here. [She kisses him] [Scene: The car museum. Mr. McPhee is sitting in a car, and talking to Ethan about it, and you can see that Jack is upset about it.] Mr. McPhee: The beauty of the old cars is the simplicity. Everything's right here. There's nothing automatic. You have to prime this-- Jack: Can I, like, talk to you over here for a moment, please? Ethan: Sure. What's up? Jack: What's up is that I didn't ask you to come and visit so we could hang out with my dad, who hates me, ok? And doesn't even try to understand me. Who can cry tears over a stupid car but can't muster up a shred of emotion for his own son. No, no. He stopped being my father a long time ago, Ethan. I don't want to spend some excruciating evening being reminded of that. I mean, come on. This is a nightmare. Ethan: Jack, calm down. I mean [Mr. McPhee has overheard this.] Mr. McPhee: Boys, I'm gonna head back. You can get home ok? Jack: Yes. Mr. McPhee: You know, I really thought things were getting better. I was so grateful for tonight. I cancelled my business trip this weekend to spend time with you. I guess I'm just not the father you want... Or need. [Scene: at the fort. Dawson and Pacey are lying down to sleep next to the fire.] Dawson: Pace, you awake? Pacey: Wide awake. Yes. What's up, man? Dawson: It finally occurred to me what in my life hasn't lost its luster with time. It's my friendships. You know, I might be unsure of a lot of things in my life, but I'm always gonna be sure of you... And Joey. Pacey: Me and Joey, huh? Dawson: Yeah. I mean, you-- you're... You're pure loyalty. You're still the guy who drew up that oath we took when we were kids. Still the guy who'd do anything for a friend. Pacey: And Joey? Dawson: Joey? She's my conscience. My soul mate. My inspiration. The point is, I'm really glad to have you guys in my life. I'd be lost without you. Pacey: You know, if I'm loyalty, Dawson, it's only 'cause you cast me in the role. You're the storyteller, you know? You see everything and figure out what it means. Did you see the look on those kids' faces while you were telling them that story tonight? How caught up they were? You're the guy who builds this fantastic world. You just let the rest of us live in it. Dawson: These days, it doesn't feel so fantastic. Pacey: It will, bro. [Scene: Jack's bedroom. Ethan is setting up the spare bed and getting it ready, while Jack is getting his own bed ready.] Jack: Good night. Ethan: Hold on, man. Don't you think we should talk about what happened tonight? Jack: Actually, I'd like to pretend it's all a bad dream. Ethan: Well, that would be a mistake, Jack. Look, I know you're mad at me, but don't be. I was just trying to help. Jack: No. I'm not mad at you. I'm just-- I'm just mad. I don't know. I mean, tonight... Tonight he just somehow managed to make it look like he was the victim in this whole thing and like I was some kind of malicious ogre, but it's not like that. Ethan: God, Jack. Don't you get it? You're both victims here. And it's not gonna get any better unless you start letting go some of that anger. Jack: Yeah, but he's the one who did this to me. Ok? He's the one who made me this angry. A year, Ethan. A whole year he spends walking around like I'm the worst thing that ever happened to him. And he cancels one trip so he can passive-aggressively throw it back into my face, and everything's supposed to magically fall back into place? It doesn't work like that. Ethan: Well, let me tell you how it does work, Jack. You keep walking around with all that anger, you and your dad are gonna lose another year... And another one. Before you know it, you're gonna wake up one morning and realize that you need him... Or he needs you... But it's gonna be too late. You know, the other nice side effect of letting go of your anger is that you don't have to be angry anymore. Just think about it. Good night, Jack. Jack: Good night. [Scene: Back at Jen's House. Andie and Joey are getting ready for bed in the bathroom . Joey leaves Andie in the bathroom and Joins Jen in her room. They start to talk, but Joey keeps making sure that Andie is not coming.] Joey: Weird night, huh? Jen: Yeah, I'd say. Joey: I was talking to Bessie the other day and... She told me to talk to somebody about this and... I can't believe I'm telling you, but... Pacey kissed me the other day. Jen: Yeah, I figured this thing would come to a head sooner or later. Joey: Nothing came to a head. I mean, there is no thing. I'm just freaked out and angry, and I don't understand why he would do something like this. I mean, it came out of nowhere, and... Jen: Well, if it came out of nowhere, then how come I'm not surprised? You should ask yourself, Joey, if this is really nothing... Then why are you so upset and so confused? [Scene: the McPhee house. Mr. McPhee is downstairs working on some stuff for work alone, when Jack comes down to join him.] Mr. McPhee: It's late. What is it? Jack: Yeah, I just, um... I just wanted to ask you why... Why this weekend, why this trip, why now? When for the past year you've treated me like I was a leper. Answer me that, why? Mr. McPhee: It was just... Time. I was talking to Richard at the office. He has a son just failed out of his fourth college, got caught stealing a car, drug problem--whole nine yards. It just suddenly occurred to me... Jack is a good kid. I have a good kid, and I don't even know him. But I want to know him. So I canceled my trip. Look, I don't see what the big deal is. Somebody had to make the first move. Jack: I just didn't think it would be you. [M. McPhee makes a move on the chess board, and Jack follows.] [Scene: The fort. Pacey and Dawson are talking while the boys are getting ready to go.] Pacey: I'll talk to you later, huh? Dawson: Alright, I'll see ya. Pacey: Let's go, guys. Buzz: Bye, Dawson. Watch out for max and his bloody ax. Dawson: See you guys. [Scene: the local store. Buzz and Pacey are walking through it.] Buzz: I'm gonna get 12 pixie sticks and 5 candy bars. Pacey: How about an orange soda and a box of pretzels? Buzz: One pixie stick, one candy bar, and an orange soda. [They turn the corner and run into Joey.] Pacey: Hey. Joey: Hey. Buzz: Hey. Pacey: Just a second. Listen, if you'll give us 2 minutes, I'll give you 10 sodas and a box of sugar. What'd you say? Buzz: Done. Pacey: There you go. [ Hands him some money] Pacey: Hey. Joey: Hey again. About the other night Pacey: So I guess I Joey: You go first. Pacey: Well, uh, I just-- I--I wanted to... I just wanted to say that, uh... I'm sorry. You know, all that stuff about disaster and Dawson and the ripple effect in our universe, it was all right. I mean, what I did, that was just monumentally stupid. I don't know what I was thinking, so...I just wanted you to know it was an impulse, plain and simple. One's that left my body. Permanently. I promise. Joey: It's ok, Pacey. I mean... I totally overreacted. I mean something isn't a big deal unless you let it be. And--and it... You know, it's-- it's not a big deal. Why get so upset? I mean, it obviously meant n-nothing. Right? Pacey: Right. Right because what I did was a mistake. Right. Joey: Right. Pacey: Well, uh... I guess that puts us back to just being friends. Joey: Definitely. Pacey: Great. Uh...Alright. Well, uh... Yeah, I should probably get going. Once that kid gets all that sugar in him, watch out. He's a little terror. I'll probably have to chase him back home. It's 2 miles. Not pretty. Joey: Well, then I guess I'll see you later, Pacey. Pacey: Yeah, I'll see you later, Jo. [Outside Buzz and Pacey are walking his bike together] Pacey: You grab the front, I'll grab the back? 1, 2, 3... Grab it. There you go. Buzz: Is that her? Pacey: Who? Buzz: The girl. Pacey: What girl? Buzz: The girl you want to kiss, stupid. The one you're in love with. Pacey: Nope. Buzz: Yeah, it was. Pacey: Please, what do you know? Buzz: It was her, it was her, it was her. Pacey: Eh, get a life of your own, huh? Buzz: Ha! I'm right. Pacey: Right? You don't even know what right is. Please, get out of here. [Joey comes out of the store and watches Pacey walking away with Buzz.]

After the kiss, Joey is upset by Pacey's impulsive actions and they both head home to discuss the situation with their siblings. Pacey receives encouragement from Doug that Joey might be protesting a little too much, and attempts to tell Dawson how he feels, in the hope that he will then give Pacey the green light to tell Joey everything. However, he fails to confess when events conspire against him. Joey attempts to make sense of everything by having a rare girls night with Jen and Andie, and a moment of clarity with Jen forces her to acknowledge that Pacey might not be the only one in a state of confusion. Jen has a fight with Henry, but later forgives him when she realizes he was lying to her with the best intentions.

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Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Hu-u-u-uh.... Hu-u-u-uh! Leonard: Problem? Sheldon: This is Thai food. Howard: Here we go. Sheldon: We don't have Thai food on Thursday. We have pizza on Thursday. Leonard: Yes, but we all agreed that the third Thursday of every month would be Anything Can Happen Thursday. Sheldon: Well apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which, when startled, has its own version of Anything Can Happen Thursday. Howard: Come on, the whole idea behind Anything Can Happen Thursday is to get out of this rut we've been in lately. Sheldon: Rut? I think you mean consistency. And if we're going to abandon that, then why even call it Thursday? Let's call it Quonko Day and divide it into 29 hours of 17 minutes apiece, and celebrate it by sacrificing a goat to the mighty god Ra. Raj: I could go for some goat. Leonard: Sheldon, we agreed we'd do something different tonight. Sheldon: All right. Let's go to the comic book store. Raj: We went to the comic book store last night. Sheldon: Last night was Wednesday. Wednesday is comic book night. Tonight, we'll be going on Thursday, because it's Anything Can Happen Thursday. Leonard: Way to think outside but pressed right up against the box, Sheldon. Raj: So what are we going to do tonight? Howard: If I may proffer a suggestion, in bars all across this great nation of ours, Thursday night is Ladies' Night. Which means, as the evening progresses, we will get better looking courtesy of 99 cent margaritas and two-for-one Jell-O shots. Leonard: Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero. Howard: Really? Are you familiar with the Drake Equation? Sheldon: The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L? Howard: Yeah, that one. You can modify it to calculate our chances of having s*x by changing the formula to use the number of single women in Los Angeles, the number of those who might find us attractive, and what I call the Wolowitz Coefficient. Raj: The Wolowitz Coefficient? Howard: Neediness times dress size squared. Crunching the numbers, I come up with a conservative 5,812 potential s*x partners within a 40-mile radius. Leonard: You're joking. Howard: I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or s*x. Raj: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's bounce, bitches. Leonard: You're right. It's Anything Can Happen Thursday, let's hit the clubs and meet hot women! Raj: Here we go. Lock up your daughters! We're going to hit it and quit it. Leonard: Or we could finish eating and go to the comic book store. Raj: Also a good plan. Howard: Alright, but next Anything Can Happen Thursday, we're definitely going to a bar. Leonard: Oh, absolutely. Raj: You heard that, Ladies' Night ladies? We're eventually coming for you! Sheldon: Fascinating. Credits sequence. Penny: Oh hey, guys, where're you headed? Leonard: To the comic book store. You're probably thinking, the comic book store? On a Thursday? Why, I've fallen down the rabbit hole and into a land of madness. What you have failed to take into account, Penny, is that this is Anything Can Happen Thursday. Penny: You got me. While you're there, could pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday? Sheldon: I think you mean comic books. Comics are feeble attempts at humour featuring talking babies and anthropomorphized pets found traditionally in the optimistically named funny pages. Penny: Leonard, could you pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday? Leonard: Sure. What does he like? Penny: I don't know, he's 13. Just pick out anything. Sheldon: Just pick out anything? Maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size, or pick out his career for him without knowing his aptitude, or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fibre requirements or his feelings about little marshmallows. Penny: Spider-Man. Get him Spider-Man. Sheldon: Amazing Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man, Spectacular Spider-Man, The Marvelous Adventures of Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2099? Penny: Leonard? Leonard: You know this can go on all night, why don't you just come with us? Penny: Ugh, that's what I was trying to avoid. Sheldon: Oh, I forgot Sensational Spider-Man. Scene: The comic book store. Penny: Oh, what a cute, little store. Everybody's staring at me. Leonard: Don't worry, they're more scared of you than you are of them. Penny: Unlikely. Here, what about this one for my nephew? Sheldon: A superb choice. Penny: Oh, great. Sheldon: Yeah, provided he has already read Infinite Crisis and 52, and is familiar with the re-establishment of the DC multiverse. Penny: What's a multiverse? Sheldon: Get her out of here. Leonard: Come on, I'll help you pick something. Raj: That's right. She's with us. Guys like that are so pathetic. Howard: Tell me about it. Look, a new Batman belt buckle. Store clerk: Oh, hey, Leonard. Can I help you find something? Leonard: Oh, hey, Stuart. This is Penny. She's looking for some comic books. Stuart: Oh, really. Blink twice if you're here against your will. Leonard: I think we're fine, Stuart. Stuart: Let me know if you need anything. Penny: Thanks. He seems like a nice guy. Leonard: You mean for someone who's into comic books? Penny: No, no, no, I just meant for... yeah. Leonard: Penny, just because people appreciate comic books doesn't make them weirdos. Stuart's a terrific artist. He went to the Rhode Island School of Design. Penny: What about the guy over there in the superhero T-shirt tucked into his sweatpants? Leonard: Ah, yeah, that's Captain Sweatpants. He doesn't really help the point I'm trying to make. (Howard and Sheldon are looking through a rack of comic books. Each says "Got it" in turn as they look past each book until they eventually reach the one in the middle when they both together grab the book and shout "Need it!") Howard: Let it go, Sheldon. Sheldon: Why should I let it go? I saw it first. Howard: Yes, but I saw it from the front. Sheldon: A far less impressive feat. Howard: Oh, come on! I need this for my Batman collection. Sheldon: I need it for my Robin collection. Howard: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock? Sheldon: Why would I gamble? It's mine. Let go. Howard: You let go. Sheldon: No, you! Leonard: Problem? Sheldon: Yes, he won't let go of my comic book. Howard: It's my comic book! Sheldon: Leonard, we need a ruling. Leonard: Uh, cut it in half? Penny: Excuse me. Stuart: Hello again. Penny: Hi. What would you recommend as a present for a 13-year-old boy? Stuart: A 13-year-old girl. But if you're dead set on a comic book, try this. Penny: Oh, Hellblazer. What's this about? Stuart: A morally ambiguous confidence man who smokes, has lung cancer and is tormented by the spirits of the undead. Penny: Well, if that doesn't make me the favourite aunt, I don't know what will. Is this me? Stuart: Depends. Do you like it? Penny: It's really good. Stuart: Yes, that's you. Penny: That's so sweet, but what if I didn't like it? Stuart: It'd still be you, but I'd feel like an idiot. Leonard: I don't believe it. Stuart's putting the moves on Penny. Howard: I have got to learn how to draw. Hey! Sheldon: Once again, defeated by your own prurient interests. Raj: Guys, have you seen Stuart all up in Penny's business over there? Leonard: Nobody's up in anybody's business, let's just buy our stuff and go. Penny: Okay, you've got my number, now, give me the picture. Stuart: You drive a hard bargain, but here. Penny: All right. So, um, just give me a call. Sheldon: So, Leonard, how are you enjoying Anything Can Happen Thursday? Scene: The apartment. Sheldon has the comic book. Sheldon: Look at that, that's a dent. Thank you, Howard Ham-Fisted Wolowitz. Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine/Star Trek The Original Series Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode? Leonard: Apparently so. Sheldon: Are you ill? Leonard: No. Sheldon: All right. Then is it fair to say that you're experiencing some sort of emotional turmoil over the events involving Penny earlier this evening? Leonard: When did you pick up on that? Sheldon: A moment ago, when you turned off the TV in the middle of }during the classic Deep Space Nine/Star Trek The Original Series Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode. Would you like some advice? Leonard: Sure, why not? Sheldon: Then, this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section. Leonard: Gee, thanks a lot. Sheldon: Would you rather I offer my personal insight? Leonard: I don't need any insights. I just want to know why Penny's more interested in Stuart than me. We're practically the same guy. Sheldon: Oh, I disagree. Stuart is taller, artistic, self-employed and, most significantly, he gets 45 percent off comic books. Leonard: You're right, I really should be asking strangers on the Internet. Sheldon: My original point. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The stairs. Sheldon: Chinese food, vintage video games. After the nightmare of Anything Can Happen Thursday, this is Friday night the way it was meant to be. Howard: Who's up for Sheldon-Free Saturday? Penny (coming out of apartment): Oh, hey guys. Leonard: Hey, Penny... and Stuart, hey Stuart. Stuart: Hey, guys. Howard: So what are you kids up to? Penny: Uh, Stuart has a piece in an art show that's opening tonight. Leonard: And you guys are going together, great... Stuart: It is great. Really great. Freaking awesome. What are you guys doing? Penny: It's Friday night, that means Chinese food and vintage video games, right? Sheldon: Vintage doesn't even begin to describe what we have planned. Tonight, we are playing the classic 1980 interactive text adventure, Zork. It's the buggy beta version. Penny: Wow, Zork. Well, you guys have fun. Stuart: Yeah, see you guys. Howard: See you, Stuart. Leonard: Hey, Howard? Howard: Yes. Leonard: Take me to a bar with women. Howard: Really? Leonard: Yeah. Howard: Okay! Let me just go inside and slip off my underwear. Leonard: Why? Howard: Well, if I get lucky, I don't want to be caught in my Aquaman briefs. Leonard (to Raj): Do you...? (Raj checks his underwear) Let's go. Scene: A bar. Raj: May I have a grasshopper with a little umbrella, please? Howard: No, he may not. Raj: Why? Howard: I'm not sitting here with a guy drinking a grasshopper with a little umbrella. Raj: Fine. I'll have a chocolate martini. Howard: Wrong again! Raj: Come on, you know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Diwali. Howard: Look, there are plenty of bars in Los Angeles where you can order grasshoppers and chocolate martinis, but you wouldn't have to because there are no women in them. Raj: Gotcha. I'll have a Brandy Alexander. Howard: All right, the Three Musketeers just became the Dynamic Duo. Leonard: Should we talk to some of these women? Howard: It's way too early in the night for that. See, first we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak and the old and the lame. Leonard: That's your system? Howard: That's my system. Oh, and if you spot a chick with a Seeing Eye dog, she's mine. Scene: The stairwell. Penny: Oh come on. I think it's nice that Captain Sweatpants showed up to your art opening. Stuart: Yeah, it would have been nicer if he hadn't touched all the cheese. Penny: Um, you know, it's kind of early. Do you want to maybe come in for some coffee or something? Stuart: Oh, gee, it's a little late for coffee, isn't it? Penny: Oh, you think coffee, means coffee, that is so sweet. Come on, I think I have decaf. Sheldon: Oh, good, Stuart, I thought I heard your voice. Do you have a moment? Stuart: Uh, yeah, I guess. Penny: Sheldon, we're a little busy here, so... Sheldon: What are you doing? Stuart: We're having coffee. Sheldon: Isn't it a little late for coffee? Stuart: It's okay. She thinks she has decaf. Penny: I'll just go look for it. Stuart: What's up? Sheldon: Well, I've spent the last three hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom, and I need your help. Stuart: Oh yeah. Those guys can be very stubborn. What's the topic? Sheldon: I am asserting, in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, that original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl. Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong. Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation. Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge. But returning to the original issue, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, a superhero in his own right. Batman 2 has to be the second Robin, Jason Todd. Sheldon: Has to be? Has to be? I hope you're being deliberately provocative. Penny: I found the decaf! Stuart: Oh, great! Sheldon: Yeah, herbal tea for me, please. Scene: The bar. Raj: Barkeep! Alexander me. Leonard: How about those two? Howard: Nah, they're eating peanuts, and my allergies, one kiss would put me in Cedar-Sinai for a week. Leonard: What about the ones in the corner? Howard: Possible, very possible. Do you want the one in the whiplash collar or the one who keeps blinking? Leonard: I think Blinky's cute. Howard: You got it, sir. Leonard: Wait, so we just go over there? Howard: No, we have a little prep work to do. Put this in your mouth. We walk past them, you stumble a bit. I say, sorry, my friend's had a little too much, and then I start to pull it out of your mouth and say, a little too much fun. Get it? I mean, they're laughing, we're laughing, and then we get them up to about a .15 blood alcohol level, and tell them we're millionaires. Leonard: What else you got? Howard: Depends. Are you willing to sit on my lap and pretend to be a ventriloquist dummy? Leonard: No. Howard: I can't sit on your lap, you don't know the routine. Scene: Penny's apartment. Stuart: I'm sorry, but you're obviously stuck in a pre-Zero Hour DC universe. Sheldon: Of course I am. Removing Joe Chill as the killer of Batman's parents effectively deprived him of his raison d' tre. Stuart: Okay, you can throw all the French around you want, it doesn't make you right. Sheldon: Au contraire. Stuart: Plus, you're forgetting that the Infinite Crisis storyline restored Joe Chill to the Batman mythology. Sheldon: I am forgetting nothing and I resent your tone. Stuart: Okay, look, Sheldon, it's late and I've got to get some sleep. Sheldon: So, I win. Stuart: No, I'm tired. Sheldon: So, I win. Stuart: Fine. You win. Sheldon: Darn tootin', I win. Stuart: Penny, I really had a terrific time. Penny? Sheldon: No, no, no, no, don't wake her. She'll maul you like a rabid wolverine. Stuart: You know, I don't think that was decaf. Scene: The bar. Howard: Wait, is this your card or isn't it? Trust me, this was their card. Leonard: I thought you were good at this. You're always talking about how you go to bars and meet women. Howard: I do, all the time. Leonard: Well, what happened? We've been sitting here all night and the longest conversation you've had with a woman was when your mom called. Howard: Wow, you're just going to make me come out and say it, aren't you? Leonard: Say what? Howard: You're weighing me down. I'm a falcon who hunts better solo. Leonard: Fine. I'll sit here. You take flight and hunt. Howard: Don't be ridiculous, you can't just tell a falcon when to hunt. Leonard: Actually, you can. There's a whole sport built around it. Falconry. Howard: Shut up. Let's just get Koothrappali and go. (They turn to see Raj with his tongue down the throat of a "larger lady" by the bar.) Lucky b*st*rd. It's got to be that stupid accent of his. (To a girl nearby) Hello. I am Sanjay Wolowitz from Bombay. Okay, I'm stumped. Scene: Raj's apartment. He wakes up clutched in the arms of the large lady. Tries to get away. She clutches him tighter. He shrugs and goes back to sleep.

When Penny accompanies the guys to the comic book store to buy a present for her nephew's birthday, the owner, Stuart, asks her out on a date, making Leonard jealous. To take his mind off the situation, Leonard asks Howard and Raj to take him to a bar to socialize with women, but neither he nor Howard succeed in finding a woman. Stuart's date with Penny goes well until they are intercepted at Penny's apartment by Sheldon, who starts an argument with Stuart about who should succeed Bruce Wayne as Batman, during which Penny falls asleep.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - KACL. Frasier is finishing his show. There is a crowd of people outside in the corridor. Frasier: Well, that's our show for today. But before we close I'd like to invite you all to join us here at KACL in wishing a fond farewell to our Happy Chef, Leo Pasquale, as he bubble-wraps his crepe pan and heads south towards sunny Santa Fe. Leo, you stirred us with your passion; melted us with your charm; added spice to our lives. Now as you whisk yourself away let's not say goodbye, but rather "tartar" for now. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780. Roz: [coming into the booth] Well, at least you stopped short of saying, "I'll be fricasseeing you." You ready to go to Leo's party? Frasier: Oh, dear God, there is nothing I detest more than a KACL goodbye party. They're all the same - twist-top wine with a bunch of people standing round awkwardly trying to summon up some affection for someone they hardly even know. It always ends up reeking of insincerity. Bulldog enters the booth, practically in tears. Bulldog: What are we gonna do, Doc? He's leaving us. Roz: Bulldog and Leo were tight. Frasier: Well, Bulldog certainly is. Bulldog: I love that guy, man. He'd give me all his leftovers. Roz: I warned Leo: you keep feeding him, he'll keep coming back. Bulldog: You going to his party? Frasier: Well, actually I think I'm going to pass. Bulldog: Oh come on Doc, you gotta at least have a drink, give him a hug. Frasier: That is precisely what I'm trying to avoid. Since when did we become a society of huggers? We hug for everything nowadays. "Hello" - hug; "Congratulations" - hug; "Nice haircut" - hug. It's absurd. I mean, if we want to express real emotion for someone - I mean, where is there left to go? Bulldog: I've had good luck with the storage closet. Roz: You know, I think you're way too uptight about this. Bulldog: No, no. I see the Doc's point. We all have different ways of saying goodbye. Me? I prefer this method: Get out! [blows his horn] Come on! [blows horn] I got a show to do! Frasier and Roz are forced out into the corridor amongst the obvious party. Roz: Well, I think hugging is very healthy. I read somewhere that if you have physical contact on a regular basis, it can actually extend your life. Frasier: Well, in that case you should outlive Styrofoam! Leo the Happy Chef comes up to them. Leo: Frasier, you made it! Frasier: You know I wouldn't miss saying goodbye to you for the world. Roz: [hugging Leo emphatically] Oh Leo, we're going to miss you so much! Tom: [going to shake Leo's hand] We sure are. Oh, what the heck. [he hugs Leo instead; Leo turns to Frasier expectantly] Frasier: [obviously uncomfortable] You have no idea how hard this is for me. [Frasier hugs Leo also] [SCENE_BREAK] TIES THAT BLIND Scene 2 - Caf Nervosa Frasier and Niles are sitting at their usual table having just ordered. Frasier: I must say, Niles, that is a striking tie you're wearing. Niles: Thank you. It was a gift from Maris. She had it made for me to commemorate the end of that dreadful winter she had her obesity scare. Frasier: Oh yes. I remember her struggle to lose that holiday pound. Niles: After she'd restored her figure she had Yoshi set fire to a hippopotamus topiary she felt had taunted her. Then, as a visual reminder never to let herself go again, she had this tie made for me out of the legs of her fat pants. [the waiter brings his coffee] Thank you. Frasier: You know, I would think wearing a tie that Maris gave you might make you feel a little bit melancholy. Niles: On the contrary. I have every reason to believe Maris and I may be on the road to reconciliation. Frasier: Really? Niles: We met for lunch today. I told her I couldn't stand to be in separation limbo anymore, and unless she wanted the marriage to end we simply had to get into counseling. Frasier: And she agreed? Niles: Her exact words were, "I'll think about it." But I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence. Frasier: Congratulations. Niles: Thank you. [they clink cups; then, examining his coffee] The foam is a tad listless today. Frasier: [examining his coffee also] Yes. I can tell without looking that they've got Chad back on steamer duty. Niles: [looking over] You are good. A messenger comes over with a package. Messenger: Excuse me. Dr. Niles Crane? Niles: I am. Messenger: Here. [hands him a letter] Niles: [opening the letter] Who's sending me this? [reads the letter] "Notice: Petition... For Divorce." Messenger: Sorry, man. Cool tie. [leaves] Frasier: I don't know what to say. Niles: Oh... it's all right. Would have been nice if we'd given therapy a try, but, uh... so be it. Frasier: I know this is little consolation, but you're to be applauded for the way you're handling this. A lesser man would panic. Niles: [grabbing for his mobile phone] Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait! I'll get her back. Frasier: [grabbing the phone out of Niles's hands] You have too much dignity to let yourself beg! Niles: Please give me my phone back. Frasier: No. Niles: Please. Frasier: Sorry. Niles: Please! Frasier: Stop it. By now Niles is leaning across the table in a desperate bid to wrestle the phone off Frasier. Frasier: Now listen. I know you're upset, but let's remember why you left Maris in the first place: you were tired of groveling. Niles: Yes, but I'm rested now. Frasier: [handing the phone back] Fine! Go ahead and toddle on back to Maris. Let her grind you under her boot heel for another twelve years, rob you of whatever self-respect you've still retained, then we can have this conversation all over again! For a moment, Niles is about to do it... then he puts his phone away. Niles: I was unhappy, wasn't I? Frasier: You were miserable. Niles: I'm sorry. It's just a lot to take in. Twelve years of my life - gone. Frasier: Don't think of it as a loss, but rather an opportunity for growth. It's not an ending, it's... Niles: Frasier - no offense, but I'm familiar with all the platitudes. I've just been served divorce papers. I need a little time to let it sink in. If you don't mind, maybe we could not talk about it for a while. Frasier: Of course. Waitress: [coming up to the table] Hi, can I get you guys anything? Frasier: No, thank you. We've already been served. This is the final straw for Niles and he nearly bursts into tears. Frasier: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne comes out of Martin's bedroom with a box full of stuff and makes for the front door. As she reaches the door she hears the key on the other side and rushes back, dropping the box on the sofa. Martin comes in. Daphne: Ooh, you're back. Martin: Yeah, I never should have left. The park was a disaster. You remember that outfit Mrs. Foster knitted Eddie for Christmas? Well, I bumped into her in the lobby and she said that she was going to be going to the park and I thought, well it would be rude if I didn't at least have him wear it one time, you know? Eddie, get in here. Eddie walks slowly, head bowed, into the apartment wearing possibly the most ridiculous looking ensemble ever - a multicoloured bunnet and a similar checked jacket to match. Martin: Look at the poor guy, he's humiliated. And then of course she didn't even show up there but you know who was there? Duke and two guys from the old precinct. "Oh Marty - glad to see you've got something to do now you're retired"; "Hey Marty - if I buy you some wool will you knit something for me?" Daphne: Well, it could have been worse. You could have been wearing the hat she made for you. Martin pulls out a slightly larger, similarly-colored bunnet with a scowl on his face. Daphne: Oh, dear. Martin: Would you take that off him? He just looks so pathetic. Daphne: [helping Eddie] Oh, come here you poor little fella. Martin: [noticing the box on the sofa] What's in the box? Daphne: Oh, nothing. Just some old stuff I was taking down to the storage bin. Martin: Oh, great. Why don't you take this with it? [holding out his bunnet] Daphne: Yeah, just set that on top. Martin: No, no. It'll fall off if I do. [opens the box] Hey, this is my stuff! Daphne: It's a box of junk. Martin: It's not junk. Daphne: Oh, rubbish. It's a bunch of useless gadgets you haven't used in years. Like this remote control to God knows what - useless. Just like this, [pulls out some unidentifiable object] whatever it is. Martin: That's the SteamMaster 2000! Like on TV, "Live life wrinkle free!" It even comes with an attachment that cooks Chinese vegetables. Daphne just rolls her eyes. Frasier comes through from the bedroom as the doorbell rings. Frasier: That would be Niles. I'm taking him to lunch to get his mind off his troubles. Daphne: Is that something we shouldn't talk about? Martin: No, there's no reason why we shouldn't talk about it. Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry, I don't think he's ready to talk about it so we're not talking about it. Niles: [from behind the door] Would you mind not talking about it a little less loudly? Frasier: [opening the door] Niles. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Martin: Hi, Niles. Niles: Afternoon, all. I appreciate your concern but I'm really doing quite well with all this. Everything is going to be fine. Martin: Ah, well that's good. I just hope you've got a good divorce lawyer, because you've been married a long time, and you gotta make sure you get your fair share. Niles: Well, according to the terms of our prenuptial agreement, I believe I'm wearing my fair share. Martin: Well, take a tip from your old man. You get over there and take possession of your personal belongings before they [at Daphne] box them up and toss them out! Daphne: When will you just admit that this junk belongs in a dustbin? Martin: You know, I was on a case once where the wife constantly nagged the husband like this. "You never put anything in the garbage. Why don't you ever put anything in the garbage?" Daphne: Well, he should have listened to her. Martin: Oh, he did. And that's where we found her! Daphne and Martin head in separate directions leaving Frasier and Niles alone. Frasier goes over to examine the box on the sofa. Frasier: You know, I think Daphne's fighting an uphill battle with this little project of hers. [pulls a journal out of the box] Niles: What's that? Frasier: It's a journal. Niles: Isn't that mother's handwriting? Frasier: These must be notes from one of her research projects. [Frasier begins reading the book] "It's hard to imagine two male siblings who could be more different than Frasier and Niles." Niles: Good heavens. It's about us. Frasier: [continuing] "Though both are highly intelligent, Frasier is clearly the more dominant of the two while Niles remains extremely passive." [turning to Niles] Fascinating! Niles: [reading from the journal] "Frasier never seems to get enough at mealtime. He's nearly twice the size of Niles and often, when he thinks I'm not looking, steals his brother's food." Frasier: [continuing] "What Niles lacks in assertiveness he makes up for in an abnormally fussy grooming regimen." Niles: [continuing] "Frasier is exhibiting clearly anti-social tendencies. In fact, he is extremely uncomfortable with touch, seeming to recoil from all human contact." Frasier: Where does it say that? Niles: All right, I added "extremely," but it's right there. Frasier: Good Lord. This cuts rather close to the bone. Just yesterday Roz was accusing me of the same thing. I always thought it was just an aversion to social hugging but apparently it goes deeper than that. You know, maybe this is something I should work on. What do you think? Niles does not answer. Instead he is just staring into the journal. Frasier: Niles? Niles: [reading from the journal] "April 3rd. Niles remains as docile as ever. He constantly allows himself to be cowed and dominated, especially by females." [drops it] Frasier: Well, you shouldn't let that upset you. You've broken that pattern. You could have knocked that under and gone groveling back to Maris but you didn't. You know Niles, I don't think I've ever been more proud of you. Frasier tries to hug Niles but just looks awkward as he hugs him at practically arm's length. Niles: Oh Frasier, this is awful. Frasier: Well, pardon me for trying. I am new at it. Niles: No, no, no. You don't understand. I did go groveling back. Frasier: What? Niles: I sent the divorce papers back unsigned, along with a letter begging her to take me back. Frasier: Niles, you didn't. Niles: Of course I did. You read the journal. It's who I am. Frasier: Well, how did she respond? Niles: Well, she hasn't yet. I just messengered it to her this morning. It's her spa day. She won't be home until... [checks his watch] I still have time to get that letter back. Frasier: I'm going with you. Niles: You're a good brother. This may be my last chance to prove once and for all that I'm not the sort of man who... who... whatever mother said. Frasier: "Constantly allows himself to be cowed and dominated, especially by females." Niles: I might have known you'd memorize it. Frasier: You're right. That was harsh. Come here [Frasier holds out his arms for a hug] Niles: Oh, get away from me. End of Act 1 Act 2 THANK GOD TUESDAY ISN'T SOUP DAY Scene 1 - Maris's house Frasier and Niles are outside Maris's back door. Frasier: Niles, I'm still a little uneasy about this. What if one of the servants sees us? Niles: Impossible. They always use Maris's spa day to play hooky. I just hope she hasn't changed the locks. Niles puts his key in the door and it opens. Niles: What do you know? [they both creep in] You know, this is sort of exciting. Even as a child I always fancied I might make a first-rate society cat burglar. I think I'm right. Frasier: Yes! All it takes is stealth, cunning and a key to the door! Niles: [heading for a nearby desk] The letter should be over here with the rest of Maris's unopened mail. [picks it up] Yes - here it is. Let's go. Just as they go towards the exit there is loud barking and two German Shepherds come bounding up to the door. Niles: Frasier, look, it's my puppies! Oh, I've missed you. Hello, Gestalt! Hello, Gerhardt! Frasier: Niles, don't they look just a bit agitated to you? Niles: Well, that's because they're excited to see that the Lord has returned to the manor. [goes to open the door] Hello, boys! There is a lot of snarling and biting and Niles quickly closes the door in shock. Niles: Oh my God. She hasn't changed the locks. She changed the dogs! Quick, maybe we can make it to the front door. Frasier: Right! Frasier and Niles both run away from the back door and head off stage, only to be greeted by the same barking as the dogs greet them at the other side. They come down to the back door again where the dogs are waiting for them. Frasier: They're toying with us! Niles: What are we going to do? Frasier: Well I guess we're just going to have to wait until Lady Baskerville comes back from the spa! Niles: And explain our presence how? Frasier: Oh. I do see your point. Niles: We have to find some way to distract those beasts and make our escape. [thinks for a second] Wait. Tuesday is Swedish meatball night for the staff. Cook always keeps them in the refrigerator. Frasier: No, Niles. We can't feed them raw meat, it'll only stimulate their bloodlust. Niles: Just listen: one of our old dogs used to be spooked by thunderstorms. The vet told us half of one of Maris's green pills would allow him to sleep safely right through the storm. You get the meat, I'll get the pills. Frasier: Right! They run off in separate directions, but Frasier halts and runs back. Frasier: Wait! What if Maris is out of pills? Niles laughs at the absurdity of the suggestion and Frasier sees the joke also. Frasier: [chuckling] Oh, I see. Niles: Thank you, Frasier, I needed that. [SCENE_BREAK] The scene switches to later. Frasier is down at the back door looking exasperated. Beyond the waiting dogs, a meatball plunks into the koi pond. Frasier: Niles, that's three meatballs in a row right in the koi pond! Stop trying to throw! Just drop them, you can drop straight, can't you?! Finally a meatball falls past the door and next to the dogs. Niles: Was that a splat or a splash? Frasier: A splat! Do it again. [more meatballs rain down] Excellent! They're eating it! All right that's enough. [speaking to the dogs] Good boys. Yes, that's right, eat hearty. Oh, you missed one right over there in the garden by the tulips. Oh, there's a few more over there in the koi pond next to the... sleeping koi. Frasier wanders around waiting for the pills to take effect. As he does so his eyes are drawn towards a painting on the wall (looking at the camera, so we can't see it). Frasier: Niles? Niles, this painting here in the living room - have you always had this? Niles: [coming down the stairs] The one of Maris and me in the garden? Yes, we had it commissioned on our third anniversary. Frasier: No, no, it must be a different painting. This is Maris next to a really big tree. Niles: No, there's no tree in that painting, it's... [notices the painting] Oh my God. She's had me completely painted out! I don't think I can take much more of this. Frasier: In that case, I wouldn't look too closely at the face of that skunk in the flowerbed. Niles face goes to one of horror as he examines further. Niles: [ruefully] Well, I suppose it's only fitting that I be commemorated in this household as a laughingstock. She's always run roughshod over me. Look around. This entire room is a monument to my spinelessness! Frasier: How so? Niles: [pointing at an ornament] This Dresden Shepherdess? A peace offering I made to Maris when I was foolish enough to point out an extra syllable in a Haiku she'd written. [motions around the room] Choose another item. Anything. Frasier: [pointing] Oh, that candelabra? Niles: Louis Quatorze! What better way to apologise for the time I attempted to grow a moustache? Frasier: I think you owe us all a candelabra for that. [noticing outside] Niles, look. It seems to be working. The dogs are getting drowsy. Niles: You know, if just once Maris had given in, in all those years, I might think there was hope for our marriage. But she never budged an inch! Even on those rare occasions that I reported back to you that I had prevailed...? Frasier: I knew. Niles: I don't know why I thought I could convince her with that couples' therapy idea. Well... [heads over to the desk] I'm not going to be her whipping boy anymore. Frasier: What are you doing? Niles: I'm signing the divorce papers. She wants to initiate proceedings. Let's proceed. Frasier: Niles, you know I'll support any decision you make, but are you sure? Niles: [pauses, then] Absolutely. He takes a moment to sign the papers before putting them back in the envelope, making sure to remove his groveling note. Niles: That's done. Frasier: Are you OK? Niles: I will be. [looks outside] Looks like the dogs are asleep. Shall we go? Frasier: Oh, I don't know. Maybe they're just playing possum with us. Niles: Frankly, I don't care. After what I've just done you think I'm going to let a couple of dogs frighten me? This is the last time I'm leaving this house. I'm going to walk through that door with my head held high. Frasier: Good for you. I'm going to run like hell out the front door. Niles: Wait up! Both make a bolt for the front door while the dogs are still sleeping. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is introducing Daphne to yet another one of his ridiculous gadgets. Martin: Now the beauty of the "Hot & Foamy" is the ultra-quick heating action. You just plug it in and two minutes later, presto, guess what comes out? Daphne: [sarcastic] Well, the obvious answer would be shaving cream, so I'll go with - music? Martin: You had a lot of sassy things to say about my clothes steamer too. But didn't those snow peas taste delicious? Martin takes the Hot And Foamy into the bathroom. Meanwhile Frasier and Niles come in. Daphne: Where did you two slip off to? Niles: Oh, I just had some papers to sign. Frasier: Yes. Niles has decided to begin divorce proceedings. Daphne: I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. Niles: It's OK. I feel good about it. Frasier: Now we thought it might be nice to have a family dinner this evening at Chez Shea, so we stopped by to invite the two of you to join us. Daphne: Oh, that would be nice. I'll just go freshen up. [heads to her bedroom] Martin: Yeah, sounds great. And Niles, I'm proud of you. I know this isn't easy, but in the long run I know you'll be happier. I'm damn sure I will be. He heads off to his bedroom. Niles: I can't believe it. It's really over. Frasier: If you choose you never have to see Maris again. Niles: Oh, please. Half the time I couldn't see her when she was standing right in front of me. Both laugh at this joke. However, Niles's laugh quickly begins to turn to hyperventilation. Niles: [still laughing] I can't breathe. [Frasier points and laughs] No, really, [getting serious] I can't breathe! Frasier, I signed divorce papers! What was I thinking?! Frasier: Oh God, you're not having second thoughts? Niles: I don't know. When I was caught up in the adrenaline it all seemed fine, but now in the clear light of day... Frasier: Now, now, Niles. It's only natural for you to feel a little bit shaky, but believe me, you made the right decision. Niles: How do I know that? Frasier: [picking up the journal] Let's just check what prompted us to it. [begins reading the journal] Here: "Niles is incapable of asserting himself, especially in front of females!" Niles: Keep going - this is helping. Frasier: [continuing] "As I write this he lies, staring out the window, licking himself!" [Frasier looks up strangely] Niles: [confused] What? Frasier: "He's become so subservient lately that when he's finished grooming himself he often begins licking Frasier." Niles: [puzzled] I have no memory of that! Frasier: "April 14th. The day I've dreaded for weeks: Frasier died this morning. I never would have guessed that my heart could ache so over the death of my beloved lab rat. My only consolation is the knowledge that I will soon give birth to my first child." Niles: [taking the journal off him in shock] Frasier... do you know what this means? Frasier: Our mother named us after rodents. Niles: No. It means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless rat! [realizing] Oh My God! Frasier: Niles... Niles: Oh my God! Maris has seen the papers. It's too late to take it back. Frasier: Niles, your reasoning was still sound. Niles: [becoming hysterical] My reasoning?! My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession WITH VERMIN!!! He throws down the journal in disgust. His shouting brings Martin and Daphne back into the living room. Martin: What the hell's going on here? Frasier: Niles is just a bit distraught. Niles: [hysterical] Distraught? MY LIFE IS OVER! Frasier: Niles, don't talk that way! My God man, you've got to calm down. Niles: [struggling into the bathroom] All right. I-I'm going to splash some cold water on my face. [closes the door] Martin: Is he going to be all right? I've never seen him like this. Frasier: Of course he'll be all right, Dad. [banging on the bathroom door] Niles! Just remember to keep breathing. And trust me - this is not the end. Your life is not over! [no response] Niles! NILES! From inside the bathroom a sound like a GUNSHOT is heard. Frasier, Daphne and Martin all look horrified. Frasier: Oh my God! Frasier timidly opens the door. This is where writing cannot express the true hilarity of this visual joke. Suffice it to say it is one of the funniest scenes ever seen on Frasier. Niles is covered head to foot in shaving foam, as is the entire bathroom. Niles walks slowly out with a look of shock on his face (or what can be seen of his face under the foam). Frasier just looks completely bewildered. Daphne: Dr. Crane! Are you all right? Niles: [calmly] I'm fine. Just a little hot. And foamy. Martin: You know what must have happened? My Hot & Foamy must have exploded! Daphne: [looking at Martin in stupidity] He was a detective, you know! Niles's cell phone rings. Niles digs deep amongst the foam and pulls it out. Niles: Hello? Yes, Maris. You are? You do? You will? That's wonderful! I'll be right over! Goodbye. [turning to the rest] The divorce papers were a bluff. When I signed them it completely threw her. She's willing to go into counseling! Frasier: Oh Niles, I'm so happy for you! Niles throws his arms around Frasier with a loud squelch, which obviously leaves Frasier's suit covered in the Hot & Foamy. Frasier just cries. End of Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Mrs. Foster is back and is speaking to Martin at the door. She pulls yet another suit (matching) for Eddie and himself out of her bag. Martin thanks her and says goodbye. He turns round and shows them to Eddie who buries his head under the nearest pillow. Martin decides the best answer is to just throw them into the cardboard box with the rest of the junk. However just to make sure, Eddie goes into the box, pulls them out and proceeds to rip them to shreds. Guest Appearances Guest Starring ALAN WILDER as Leo MICHAEL McFALL as Messenger LUCK HARI as Waitress GERRY GIBSON as Tom Synopsis {mike lee} Scene One - KACL As Frasier finishes his show, a going-away party is being thrown in the hallway for a retiring employee. Frasier says he doesn't want to go out, because he'll be expected to hug the guy. Roz scolds him for his aversion to hugging; she says she even read somewhere that physical contact extends lifespans. "Well, in that case," Frasier quips, "you'll outlive Styrofoam." She pushes him out into the hall, where he reluctantly hugs the retiree. Scene Two - Caf Nervosa Frasier meets Niles at the Caf , and compliments him on his tie. Niles proudly says that Maris gave it to him as a gift-she had it made from her "fat pants" when she had her obesity scare. Frasier wonders if wearing a gift from Maris will make Niles melancholy. Niles confidently says he will be reuniting with Maris soon; he called her to ask if she'd go into couples' therapy with him, and she said "I'll think about it." Then a courier comes in and hands Niles an envelope: divorce papers. He offers his condolences, but also compliments Niles's tie. Scene Three - Apartment Daphne sneaks a box of stuff towards the door, but runs into Martin returning with Eddie. He's annoyed because an old lady they keep running into knitted Eddie a ridiculous tartan sweater that he had to put on just to please her. Daphne says at least she didn't knit anything for Martin-who then produces an identical hat. Noticing the box, he realizes Daphne is throwing away all his old stuff. Daphne says it's useless junk. Frasier and Niles come back. Also noticing the box, they root through it and find an old journal with their mother's name on it. Frasier flips through it and realizes it's about them as children. Among other observations, their mother records that "Frasier seems intimidated by physical contact," and "Niles is obsessively neat and easily cowed by females." Frasier wonders if his aversion to hugging is a deep-seated condition. Niles is stung by his mother's words; Frasier suggests that he has a chance to assert himself by signing the divorce papers. Niles says there's a problem: he already sent them back (unsigned), along with a groveling note begging Maris to take him back. Niles says it's not too late-it's Maris's spa day, so all the servants are playing hookey. They can sneak into the house and steal the papers back. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO THANK GOD IT WASN'T SOUP NIGHT Scene Three - Mansion Frasier and Niles enter the drawing room of the mansion; Frasier is surprised Maris hasn't changed the locks. Niles finds the envelope on the coffee table. As they are about to leave, two snarling German Shepherds appear outside the door. Niles greets them fondly, but they snap at him. "She didn't change the locks," Niles realizes, "she changed the dogs!" They are trapped. Niles gets a brainstorm: it's Swedish Meatball Night-they can slip a handful of Maris's relaxant pills into the meat and feed them to the dogs from the upstairs balcony. Niles runs upstairs to the medicine cabinet while Frasier runs to the kitchen. Frasier: Wait, I just thought of something! What if Maris is out of pills? Niles: [laughing hysterically] Thank you, Frasier, I needed that. Scene Four - Mansion After several meatballs plunk into the fountain, Frasier yells up at Niles to stop trying to throw. "You can drop straight, can't you?!" Niles does, and the dogs eat it up. As they wait for the pills to take effect, Frasier notices a large painting of Maris on the wall (looking at the camera, so we can't see it). He asks if it's recent. Niles says no, he and Maris had it done a few years ago. Frasier says Niles isn't in the picture-just Maris standing next to a large tree. Niles is outraged-she's had him painted out! Frasier gently tells him to check the face of the skunk in the bushes. Niles bitterly admits that it's only right for him to be depicted as a laughingstock in that house; just look around, the room is a "monument to his spinelessness," full of gifts he gave Maris to "apologize" for things-like a golden candelabra for his attempts to grow a mustache. Frasier says, "I think you owe us all a candelabra for that one!" Well, Niles decides, no more. He takes a pen, signs the divorce papers, and drops them back on the coffee table (after removing his groveling note). Frasier asks him if he's sure. Niles says he is. Then the dogs nod off. Frasier suggests they take the back door out, just to be safe. Niles says no, one last time he wants to walk out of the house with his head held high. Frasier bolts out the back door anyway; Niles says, "Right behind you!" Scene Five - Apartment Martin takes his shaving-cream warmer from the box and goes into the powder room to plug it in, to show Daphne how useful his "junk" is. They just have to wait five minutes. Frasier and Niles come back, telling Martin and Daphne the news; Niles is on the road to divorce. They offer their support; Martin says that in the long run, Niles will be much happier, "I know I will!" Frasier suggests they all go out for a celebratory dinner. Martin and Daphne go to their rooms to change. Frasier tells Niles it's finally over-if he wants, he never has to see Maris again. Niles says he could barely see her when she was standing right in front of him. They laugh, but then Niles starts hyperventilating-he's just ended his marriage! Frasier rushes to reassure him it was the right decision. To help, he rereads the entry in their mother's journal. But as he reads on, he realizes that it's really a scientific journal, and "Frasier and Niles" were their mother's two favorite lab rats! The last entry chronicles her sadness as "Frasier" passes away, comforted by the fact that she's about to give birth to her firstborn child. Now Niles has a full-blown panic attack. Niles: Do you realize what this means?! Frasier: Yes . . . our mother named us after rodents. No, Niles shouts, he's made a terrible mistake! Frasier says his judgment was sound; Niles says his judgment was based on his mother's opinion of household vermin! Martin and Daphne come back to see Niles stumbling into the powder room in a daze, saying he needs some water on his face. As he closes the door, Frasier shouts that his life is not over . . . then everyone jumps at what sounds like a GUNSHOT! Frasier slowly opens the door and sees . . . Horror! Niles is covered head-to-toe in foamy shaving lather. Martin: Hey, you know what happened? My shaving cream can must have exploded! Daphne: [sarcastic] He was a detective, you know! Frasier: Niles, how do you feel? Niles: Well . . . hot . . . and foamy! Then he gets a call on his cell phone. It's Maris. Niles is ecstatic-the divorce papers were a bluff to scare him into coming back to her. Instead, his signing them frightened her so much that she's now willing to go into couples' therapy with him. Frasier says how happy they all are, and Niles throws his arms around him-thus resolving exactly how Frasier feels about hugging! Scene Z - Apartment Martin reluctantly slips Eddie into his tartan sweater with matching hat, just long enough to greet the proud old lady at the door. As soon as she's gone, Eddie throws off his hat and starts chewing it.

Niles is in good spirits; his separation from Maris could soon be over, as he is suggesting marriage guidance counselling . However, a courier arrives with divorce papers. In a box of papers belonging to Martin, Frasier and Niles discover an old journal belonging to their late mother, which details with remarkable accuracy what appears to be the relationship between the brothers. Niles is shaken by his mother's assertion that he "constantly allows himself to be cowed and dominated, especially by females", and at this point reveals that he has not signed the divorce papers, but instead sent them back with a grovelling letter. The brothers break into her house and retrieve the letter before she reads it. Determined not to be pushed around any more, Niles signs the divorce papers. However, upon further reading of their mother's notes, they realise that the Frasier and Niles she was describing are laboratory rats.

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Ava: Who are these people? Boyd: Raylan, who... who's out there? Raylan: Miami gun thugs, I suspect. Ava: What do they want? Raylan: Me. Boyd: Is my daddy moving? Raylan: No. Boyd: [ Groans ] Raylan: You didn't happen to bring your rocket launcher, did you? Boyd: I didn't think to pack one. All we want is Raylan Givens! Raylan: How about I come out unarmed and you come out unarmed and we talk? The second he clears, you shoot him in the gut. Maybe we can get him to Gio before he dies. Gotcha. Ava: Why don't we all just run? Raylan: Well, someone's got to keep them here for the other two to have a chance. Boyd: I'll stay, then. Raylan: Boyd, I'm asking you... Take Ava out of here. Come on. [ Bird cawing ] Raylan: My hands are empty. Me too. Raylan: Where's your friend? [ Grunts ] [ Gunfire, bullets ricochet ] [ Engine turns over, revs ] Boyd: [ Panting ] Raylan: Is he dead? Boyd: Yeah, I think so. Raylan: Where's Ava? Boyd: She's running through the woods. Where you going? Raylan: I'm going after the young lady with the automatic weapon. Boyd: I'll get her. Raylan: What are you gonna do after you get her? Boyd: I ain't quite figured that out yet. You gonna shoot to stop me? Raylan: Maybe. Boyd: I'm pretty sure you're empty. Raylan: You gonna bet your life on that? Boyd: No, Raylan, I'm gonna bet my life on you being the only friend I have left in this world. [SCENE_BREAK] Where's your boyfriend? Which one? [ Gun cocks ] Holy sh1t. Pilar: Where you headed? C-cincy. Pilar: Not anymore. You going to kill me? Pilar: Do I have to? No. Pilar: What's that? [ Gun cocks ] [ Gasps ] Aah! [ Grunts ] Raylan: Boyd! Boyd: How long you been following me? Raylan: Truck stop. I'll take it from here, all right? Boyd: I believe I got it from here, Raylan. Raylan: You just gonna execute her? Boyd: I wouldn't call it an execution. More like retribution... She killed my daddy. Raylan: Which is what you wanted to do. And besides, the gun thug behind the tree killed your daddy, and I got him. Boyd: Are you gonna split hairs with me? Raylan: I'm just saying. Boyd: Well, what's to stop me from pulling this trigger, Raylan? That it would be a sin? Raylan: Don't get me wrong. I have no moral objection to you killing her. You understand, miss, the life you've led. But I need her... alive. Boyd: And if I don't comply? Pilar: Aah! Aah! Boyd, nice shot. Can you get my friend to a hospital? He's been shot. Let's go. - Will do. [ Glass breaks ] What do you need? Gio: [ Speaking Spanish ] [ Sighs ] [ Speaking Spanish ] My God, she needs a doctor. Raylan: She's needed one for a while, but I don't think these next two minutes are gonna kill her. Gio: What do you want? Raylan: What I did, the way I killed your man, Tommy Bucks, I understand you feel like you need to come after me. Trouble is, there are people I care about that are getting caught in the crossfire. So this ends right here, right now. Gio: [ Sighs ] What would you give me in return? Raylan: You leave me alone, and we will leave her alone. You have my word. Gio: I need more. Raylan: Well, I'd give you more, but everyone else you've sent my way is dead. Let's go, Gio. She needs a doctor. Gio: I need guarantees about my business. Raylan: All right, look. I've tried to be reasonable. You give me your word in 10 seconds, or I shoot you in the head. [ Cellphone ringing ] Just...Time-out. [ Telephone ringing ] Gio: Maybe I should...? Raylan: [ Sighs ] Just let it ring. We can't get to the phone right now. Leave a message. Bye! [ Beeps ] Dan: Raylan, I'm walking in. Whatever you're thinking about doing, don't. Mr. Reyes, my name's Dan Grant. I am the Chief Deputy of the Miami Marshals office. There's an ambulance on the way for your niece. 'Til it gets here we're gonna talk. The three of us, like civilized men see if we can't work something out, ok? Ok, let's talk. Not here. The kitchen then, I could use a drink. Not the kitchen. In the den? No, and not the master bedroom, not your office... Gio: This far enough? Dan: A little further. Okay. Here's what I'm thinking. See if this makes sense. You come after Raylan, harm him in any way, I'll kill you myself. [ Siren wailing in distance ] Go ahead. Say it. Raylan: I thought that went well. Dan: [ Chuckles ] Okay. Get 'em up. Raylan: So, Art called you? Dan: Yeah. You want to stay? Raylan: Hmm? Dan: You want to stay? The AUSA has long forgotten about Tommy Bucks. O'Neill's retired. I got a slot open. Raylan: I didn't think you missed me. Dan: Well, you know, I had a wart once, when I was a kid... Raylan: Right. And when it was gone, you missed it? Dan: Yeah. Raylan: Yeah, I get it. Wait. Hold up. Is this your idea, or did Art suggest this? Dan: Suggest what? Raylan: sh1t. He did. Dan: I owe him one. Raylan: What for? Dan: Well, he took you off my hands, didn't he? Raylan: Dan, I went to Kentucky. I did my job, and, as far as I'm concerned, I did it well. Dan: What's your point? Raylan: My point is, this trouble I'm in is bullshit. Dan: I don't understand. Raylan: I don't know why they give us guns. Dan: Raylan... I'm trying to offer you your old job back. I thought that's what you wanted. Raylan: Right now, I just want to go home and go to bed. On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard [ Elevator dings ] Raylan: Disappointed? Art: Dan says the cartel's gonna leave you alone. Raylan: Yeah. Well, I'm still gonna sit facing the door. Art: What about Boyd? Raylan: What about him? Art: He agree to that... Not gonna run out and avenge his daddy? Raylan: Well, I figured I'd talk to him tomorrow at the hospital. Art: Well, you're a little late for that. Slipped out in the middle of the night. Raylan: Well, that's good news. He must be feeling better. So...You want to transfer me. Art: Honestly, Raylan, I don't know who would take you. Raylan: Everything I did, I saw no choice. Art: You should have called for backup. Raylan: Bo said if he saw anyone but me, he'd kill Ava. Art: And so you took Boyd? Raylan: It made sense at the time. Art: [ Scoffs ] Well, you know what happens now, don't ya? We get legions of AUSAs all up in our ass. Tim! We're gonna do the gun thing. Tim: Relinquishing a firearm can be a very emotional moment, and there always must be another deputy in attendance. Add in some premium alcohol, what could possibly go wrong? Art: Thank you. Raylan: Mm-hmm. [ Sighs ] Tim: What are you going to get next? Raylan: Probably the same thing. Art: You should think about an uzi. [SCENE_BREAK] How'd your father get that bullet in his arm... in the motel? Raylan: Um... I don't clearly recall. A lot seemed to happen at once. What did Arlo say? Your father said you shot him by accident when the bad guys started shooting. Raylan: He should know. We're looking for the $20000 that the Marshal service gave to your father to give to Bo Crowder Mm-hmm. Your father said he passed it on, but we didn't find it in Crowders things. Arlo has it. You know this? I know Arlo. What, you guys think I stole it? Just cause I've shot the occasional person, doesn't make me a thief. Hey, Harlan man. You think you might be interested in possibly..? - Yes. Raylan: [ Sighs ] You don't even know what I was gonna ask. Is it gonna get me out of here? So, who we going after? Rachel: Jimmy Earl Dean. Raylan: Three first names... triple winner right off the bat. Rachel: s*x offender... statutory rape. Got his release two weeks ago. State police got a call on the tip line. Man matching his description was aggravating a teenage girl. Raylan: Why'd you ask me to go with you? Rachel: I'm not... Comfortable with these people. Raylan: What people? Perverts? Rachel: People in Harlan. Anytime I've gone to coal country, everyone was all polite... Raylan: I'd prefer to do paperwork. Rachel: ..."Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am." Trying to keep in mind it's the 21st century and what's expected. But when the cuffs come out... Then I'm a black bitch. [ Scoffs softly ] Raylan: So you want me to help you with my people. You know, throw 'em a pork rind or some ding dongs? Rachel: If you wouldn't mind. Raylan: No, ma'am. [ Bird cawing ] Jimmy: Hey... You can't take those. Loretta: My daddy told you two days ago to stay away from me. I told him about you creeping up again yesterday. Jimmy: You see me coming near you? Mnh-mnh. I'm way over here, and I'm gonna stay over here. But you stop harvesting. Loretta: Why should I? This is my daddy's weed and my daddy's shed. You're trespassing. Jimmy: I don't care whose shed it is. That's not your weed. Loretta: Not yours, either. Jimmy: It belongs to the folks I work for. Loretta: Oh, really? They didn't grow it. Jimmy: Grown on their land. Loretta: Grown on state land. Jimmy: Oh, you gonna be a lawyer now? Loretta: Is this how come you been perving on me? Jimmy: Now, how have I been perving on you? Have I exposed myself? Have I made any lewd or unwanted comments toward you? No, I have not. Loretta: Well, right now you're talking to a 14-year-old girl you have no reason to be talking to. Jimmy: I have a reason to be talking to you. You're trying to steal something don't belong to you. Loretta: Hey! I told you to stay back. Jimmy: [ Chuckles ] Yes, ma'am. Okay. Wow. Where's your mama? Hmm? Did she die, or did she run off? You miss your mama? At your age, I imagine you do. I mean, a girl your age, she needs somebody to talk to. It's not like your daddy could do a good job of that. It's not like you could talk to him about your period. Loretta: You gonna be the one to talk to me about that? Jimmy: Well, I'm closer in age. Loretta: Not by much. Jimmy: Oh, come on. I just turned 30. Loretta: Any man over 18 talking to me about my period is a pervert. sh1t, any man period talking to me about my period. Jimmy: [ Laughs ] Period... That's funny. You're very funny. That's good stuff. Loretta: Is this gonna be your new line... How we got the same sense of humor? [ Scoffs ] What's in your mind? How do you think this is gonna go? You thinking, "maybe we'll fight a little, then it'll turn to wrestling and tickling and laughing, then she'll say, 'ooh, don't touch me there,' and then she won't stop me"? Is that how it runs in your head? You don't even know what to say now, do you? Even me talking about wrestling and tickling and "ooh, don't touch me there," it's like a spell's been cast, and you won't break it. Well, maybe you're just dreaming and you don't wanna wake up. Well, wake up! God damn it! I tried nice with you... hell I tried friendly. It ain't worked yet. You know when people ask me why I came back here to Harlan, I tell 'em it's cause the Bennett boys gave me a job. But honestly, that's not it. That's not it at all. I came back here because of you Loretta. Aah! Walt: He works for them? When he came by here, he just said he was some bank man. Loretta: Well, he followed me to the shed. Walt: Oh, Jesus. Loretta: What's wrong? Walt: I called that tip line this morning. Loretta: Oh, daddy, I told you not to do that. Walt: Don't worry. It's anonymous. Loretta: Well, I'll go talk to Mags, she likes me. Rettie. When you talk to her, don't say anything about us growing. Loretta: Well, with the perv working for her, she already knows, daddy. [ Bird cawing, dog barking in distance ] Tom: With our little convoy, you listen closely enough, you could have heard toilets flushing up and down this holler, everybody dumping their stash. Raylan: Hey, you or any of your people have any sightings of Boyd Crowder lately? Tom: No, but we're looking for him. State police! Raylan: Why are you looking for him? Tom: Well, you took out Bo Crowder. Raylan: Miami gun thugs flipped his switch. I was just a spectator. Tom: At any rate, Bo's gone. Open up, McCready. I saw you at the window. Raylan: You think Boyd's gonna try to fill his father's shoes, take his place as the crime lord of Harlan? Tom: What's that old saying from science class? Nature abhors a vacuum? Walt: What? Tom: Sir, I'm trooper Tom Bergen. These are deputy U.S. Marshals Brooks and Givens. They're on a detail, looking for a s*x offender. Rachel: Jimmy Earl Dean. Walt: Well, what business is it of mine? Tom: Well, Mr. McCready, you called the state tip line. Walt: The hell I did! Tom: Sir, you might have thought it was an anonymous call, but it's not. When you call, your name and your address pop up. On the recording you left, you said that a man from Rabbit Holler was bothering your daughter. The fella we're looking for, he's from Rabbit Holler. Walt: Well, I didn't call any line or make any recording. Rachel: Is your daughter home, sir? Walt: No, ma'am. Rachel: But you do have a daughter who's of the same age of the girl mentioned on the tip line. Walt: Would you please leave? Tom: Sir, you change your mind, if you want to help us put away a known and dangerous s*x offender, you...give us a call. Rachel: Why so scared? Tom: Well, there's about 10 sets of eyes that saw us roll up to his house. Raylan: Does James Earl Dean have a job? Rachel: He put something down on his registration. Green Mountain ATV tours. Tom: Oh, sh1t! That's why McCready's so nervous. The guy who's perving on his daughter, works for the Bennetts. Rachel: Who are the Bennetts? [SCENE_BREAK] Dickie: Hold still, still... Unless you want to bleed some more. Jimmy: I am holding still! Dickie: Well, hold stiller. Coover: Anybody want some cheese? Dickie: Ho-ho-ho! Here. Now you can stick on the band-aids yourself. Jimmy: I am gonna teach them a lesson. Dickie: Hey, Doyle and me, we're gonna take care of McCready. Jimmy: All right. Well, I'm gonna take care of the girl. Dickie: What? Loretta? What for? Seems to me she showed craftiness and guile protecting her stash. Jimmy: Well, it ain't your face. Dickie: Did I not tell you that there would be booby traps? Coover: Stop by the store, see what kinda cheese mama got. Dickie: How about you spending the 10 minutes I'm gone cleaning up this shithole? Hmm? Maybe get it from hideous to just plain awful. [ Dog barking in distance ] Dickie: Hey, there, Walt! You know why we're here? Walt: No. Doyle: Where's Loretta? Walt: Down at your mother's store, getting some flour. Doyle: Let's take this inside. Walt: All right. Look, Doyle, when I called that line, I didn't know he worked for you. I never would've... Doyle: What the hell you talking about? Called what line? Walt: Huh? Why are you here? Aah! [ Groans ] Ow! What the hell?! Doyle: This is more Dickie's business. I'm just standing by, make sure you don't do anything stupid. Dickie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You've been planting on our land, Walt. Walt: It's state land! Dickie: Oh, now, you've been planting on our land, and any planting's by our say-so, and you did not have our say-so. Walt: I was just trying to make a living! Sally Ann's medical about wiped me clean. Doyle: Find something else, maybe even something lawful. Hell, you could start by selling that watch. Walt: It ain't real gold! Sally Ann gave it to me on my wedding. Dickie: Walt! You gonna come after us, hmm? Maybe take a shot while we're going to the car? Walt: I ain't stupid! Dickie: Well, we're just gonna make sure. Walt: Oh, c-come on, now! Aah! Ow! Dickie: It's okay, Walt. Won't break the bone. Hardly even break the skin. Walt: It's so harmless, why don't you put your foot in it? Dickie: Come on, now, Walt. Put your foot in. Walt: The hell I will! Doyle: Put your foot in, Walt. Walt: I-I swear I won't grow no more weed! Doyle: Where's that bud your Loretta took from the shed? Walt: It's behind the stereo. I wouldn't lie. Doyle: What were you talking about before? Calling what line? Walt: Nothing. Doyle: Put your foot in, Walt! Walt: No! Dickie: [ Sighs ] Put your foot in, Walt. Walt: [ Whimpers ] [ Trap snaps shut ] [ Screams ] Mags: He do anything to you? [ Cash register dings ] Loretta: I got away before he could. Mags: Did you tell your daddy? Loretta: I did. Mags: How is your daddy, Loretta? He still under the cloud from your mother's passing? Loretta: Some days. Mags: Some days or most days? He taking care of you? Keeping a proper home? Loretta: [ Scoffs ] He sits in his chair, mostly. Mags: When he's not growing weed without my say-so. Loretta: Don't blame him. I done most of the work on that score. Mags: You shoulda come to me, Loretta, straight up. Loretta: [ Sighs ] We'll work something out. As for the pervert, you don't have to worry about him no more. [ Bird cawing ] [ Train whistle blows in distance ] Loretta: Sir, would you think I'm bold to inquire what you do as your job? Raylan: Well, which one's the question... What do I think, or what do I do? Mags: Loretta, don't you know drug enforcement? You see a man in a suit of clothes? They come around sniffin' the air. Raylan: Oh, no, no, you got us wrong. We're marshals service. We go around smelling flowers till we get turned on to wanted felons. Mags: Raylan Givens. Raylan: Mrs. Bennett. This is deputy Rachel Brooks. Mags: Deputy. Been away so long you forgot to call me Mags. Raylan: Ah, I didn't want to presume. Mags: Loretta, this is Raylan Givens. He used to be a big baseball player in high school. Now he's a federal. Oh, look at poor Loretta, eyes drooping, us talking about the old days. You run along home, Loretta. Let us ancients catch up. Can I interest you in some apple pie? Raylan: I remember your apple pie. Mags: I make it 180 proof. Cut it with cider, some apple juice, add some cinnamon and vanilla. Reach me that glass, would you? Coulda done with a pinch more cinnamon. Cinnamon really sells the pie. Raylan: As good as I remember it. Mags: Would you like some, ma'am? Rachel: No, thank you. Raylan: How's business, Mags? Mags: This place? I get by. Raylan: And the rest? Mags: So that's why you're here. You go ahead and prove it. I run a store, help these poor people come up from the holler with their food stamps. When's anybody seen me cultivate a herb? I told you, Mags. We're not Drug enforcement. As long as they got nothing on you, we don't, either. I hear you got a good thousand acres, from here to west Virginia. Mags: What's good about it? You plant a third for the law, a third for the thieves. What's left you sell to the dealers, the ones making the real profit. Used to be, marijuana was the number-one cash crop in Kentucky. Now you got all the pills, worse even than methamphetamine. I don't have anything to do with that. I remember your granddaddy. [ Laughs ] He cooked all week and preached on Sunday. Six years I came over to Harlan and sold all the liquor he cooked, and we did better than fair. How is your daddy? Raylan: He's at home, far as I know. Mags: I heard what happened with the Crowders. Ooh, that blew up big. Raylan: Have you seen Boyd? [ Car door opens, closes ] Mags: No. Why? Raylan: Mm, just need a word. Mags: You come here looking for Boyd Crowder? That it? Doyle: Hey. Hello, there, cowboy. Raylan: Hello, Doyle. I'm guessing this ain't a coincidence. Doyle: Well, word travels. You and your hat are famous. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] Doyle, this is deputy Rachel Brooks. Doyle: Ma'am. So what brings you both to our town? Mags: Raylan's looking for Boyd Crowder. Raylan: Actually, no. Rachel: We're looking for James Earl Dean. Mags: Never trust a man with three first names. Raylan: Not this one, anyway. Doyle: He some big federal fugitive? Rachel: He's a s*x offender. Doyle: I didn't know that was on the marshals' purview. Raylan: It got added to the plate this year. Mags: Why you looking for him here? Raylan: Word is, he works for you. Mags: You think I hire s*x offenders? Rachel: It's not against the law. Raylan: Maybe your boys hired him. I mean, not Doyle, of course, but Coover or Dickie? Mags: Neither me nor my tads would do such a thing. We're reefer farmers, Raylan. We don't consort with sexual deviants. Raylan: I respect how you feel, Mags, and I know you love your tads, but we're gonna want to talk to them, in your presence, if you'd like. You can invite them here, or we'll just go hunt them down. Mags: You ever get to talk to them face-to-face. This might help ease the pain. Mags: [ Chuckles ] You sure ma'am? Rachel: I am. Mags: Well, if you'll excuse me. Raylan: Hmm. Mags: Don't take anything without paying for it. Doyle: Mama, you really are a mean, old coot. [ Laughs ] Raylan: So is this your uniform? Doyle: My day off. Raylan: Oh. Still driving the company car, though. Doyle: You think that's a misappropriation? You want to come back, run against me? Raylan: Oh, I could never do your job. Doyle: I just want to say hey. Raylan: You sure this guy doesn't work for your clan? Doyle: I couldn't tell you. I'm not in the family business, as you know. Good to see you, Raylan. Raylan: Good to see you, too, Doyle. Doyle: Ma'am. Either of you want to take anything, go ahead. Just leave a note. I'll cover it. Raylan: Maybe we will. Thank you. [ Sighs ] [ Car door closes, engine turns over ] [ Dog barking in distance ] [ Gunshot, clattering ] Dickie: Raylan Givens. I seen you and your hat on the TV some weeks back. Raylan: How'd I look? Dickie: Must have been official. You weren't smiling. [ Gunshot, clattering ] That's just Coover shooting rats. Raylan: Okay. Dickie: Okay. Raylan: Um, I don't know if anyone called you, we're looking for someone in your employ, Jimmy Earl Dean. Is he here? Dickie: Was. Took off. Raylan: When? Dickie: Few minutes ago. [ Gunshot, clattering ] For what it's worth, I never knew he was a molester. Raylan: Hell. Coover: [ Laughs ] Dickie: All that shootin', that's all you got? Coover: Another one of them sumbitches in there, you want to take a try at it. Raylan: I shot rats as a kid. Used to chase 'em out of the sh1t houses. All's you have to do is go in the kitchen, huh? Coover: Where I know you? Dickie: Coover, this is Raylan Givens. Coover: So? Dickie: So, he is a federal. Coover: Well, you can ask me, am I growin' reefer, and I will tell you no. Raylan: Coover, you throw a dead rat at my car, what are you trying to tell me? Coover: Take it any way you want, Raylan. Long as you know I'm serious. Raylan: You're telling me you're a mean son of a bitch. You know how many wanted felons have given me this look? I say a thousand. I know I'm low. Something turn ugly as I put on the cuffs, they're too late. Some others, I swear, they even try to draw down on me. Coover: Dickie, you hear that? He's threatenin' us. Dickie: No, he ain't. Coover: He's got a piece under his coat. Dickie: And you have one in your hand, for Christ's sake. Coover: Yeah, so does the negress! Raylan: Rachel, if Coover raises his piece, shoot him. Rachel: If you'll move a step either way. Dickie: Coover, put the gun down now. I said now, God damn it! [ Door opens ] Raylan: Well, if you see your friend... Dickie: Ex-employee. Raylan: Tell him, if he comes in on his own, it's worth a lot. If not, different story. It's good to see you, Dickie. Dickie: You too, Raylan. You too. You and your hat. Jimmy: Get up. Get up slowly, quietly, because if you wake him... [ gun cocks ] ...I will kill him. So things have changed. I am no longer welcome here in Harlan, which means it's time for a little road trip. Are you up for that, sweetheart? This is where you nod. There you go. Now, you're gonna have to ride in the trunk for a little while. Anybody sees the two of us, they might not understand our age difference. Or the tape. Get in. Loretta: [ Squeals ] [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Givens. Tom: Listen. Our bolo paid off. Patrol clocked Dean on 75, headed towards Tennessee. Raylan: What exit? Tom: Passed 11 less than five minutes ago. Raylan: Any sign of the girl? Tom: Well, he didn't get too close. Didn't want to spook Mr. Dean. Raylan: All right. Well that's a smart play. If she's with him, and we should assume she is, get to a roadblock, or a strip. Tom: That's right. You want me to call in some backup? Raylan: All right. We got this far being smart. Let's not blow it now. You tell me if he comes back. Loretta: [ Muffled yelling ] Raylan: Loretta? You all right? Loretta: [ Grunts ] Raylan: You kick twice if you're okay. [ Two thuds ] Raylan: All right. We're gonna get you out of there... one minute. Rachel: He left something. He's on his way out. Raylan: Loretta, right now I need you to make yourself as small as possible. Jimmy: Hey! What the hell are you doing? Raylan: What's it look like I'm doing? Jimmy: Are you stealing gas? Raylan: Yeah. sh1t, you caught me. I'm stealing gas. I don't know why I do it. It's not like I can't afford it. Jimmy: Yeah. Whatever. Get out of here. Raylan: Can't I just have a couple gallons? Jimmy: Look, asshole. I'm gonna tell you one more time... What the hell?! Hey! That's it. Raylan: Whoa! Okay, I'm just gonna ask you one question. Do you know how a firearm works? Jimmy: What? Raylan: The key word in firearm is "fire." When the pin hits the cap, makes the charge explode, meaning there's a spark, which should be of some concern to a man soaked in gasoline. Jimmy: That's bullshit. That spark's too far away from the gasoline. Raylan: You didn't finish school, did you, Mr. Dean? It's not the liquid that burns. It's the fumes. Now, look. Normally I would have just shot you myself the second you pulled. But I am doing my level best to avoid the paperwork and the self-recrimination that comes with it. The Lord knows, you are the kind that makes it worth it more. Come on, Jimmy. Can't we just try to end this without you turning yourself into the human torch? Jimmy: You know my name. Then you know what I got in that trunk. How about I just kill her? Raylan: Gasoline aside, you aim that in any direction, my partner's gonna pop you in the head. There you go. Hey. [ Snaps fingers ] Slow. Slow. This might hurt. Loretta: [ Panting ] Would he have really gone up like a torch? Raylan: Oh, I don't know. But it sounded good. Mags: I call it apple pie. Go ahead. Tell me what you think. Walt: It's good. It does taste like apple pie. Mags: It does, doesn't it? [ Chuckles ] Loretta okay? Walt: Fine, under the circumstances. Mags: Where is she at? Walt: Down the holler with a friend. Mags: When the police brought her back, did they ask about your leg? Walt: They did. I told them that I was fixing the trap. When I was prying it open, my leg slipped in. [ Both chuckle ] Mags: How about the gunshot wound? Walt: They didn't mention it. Well Walt... it's on account of all that, that I come here... brought this 'shine as a peace offering. [ Clears throat ] I want Dickie to apologize to you. [ Table thuds ] Dickie: Oh. Right. Right. Um... Walt, I should not have shot you in the leg or trapped your foot. And um...Uh... We could work something out about you growing. Walt: [ Breathing heavily ] Mags: It was already in the glass, not in the jar. Why Dickie and me can drink and be okay. It's too late now, Walt. Medicine already doing its work. [ Clattering ] Even if you got on a helicopter right now, you'd still be past care. Walt: Why? Mags: Why do you think? Walt: Because I called that police line? Mags: You never go outside, Walt. You know that. Walt: I didn't know he worked for you! Gaahh! Mags: Oh, this is the bad part, but it doesn't last long. The mixture's all natural, from up in the hills. All kinds of knowledge in the hills. It's something my grandmama taught me. She learned it from her grandmama. Walt: [ Panting ] Loretta... Mags: I'll raise her myself. Don't you think that'll be better for her? The way it's been around here with you and her sadness. All the troubles of your hard life, it's all gone now. You get to know the mystery, Walt. Walt: [ Whimpering ] Mags: You get to see your Sally Ann again. Walt: [ Wheezes ] Mags: Find the girl. [ Insects chirping ] Raylan: Beer? Raylan: So, how's work? Winona: Exhilarating. What do you think? Did you really call me here to talk to me about work? Raylan: Not unless it's exhilarating. Winona: [ Sighs ] I was starting to think you were never gonna call me. And don't say you've been busy. No one's that busy. [ Horn honking in distance, vehicles passing ] I like the ambiance. Raylan: I pay extra for that. Winona: Did I scare you off, when I said we should get together and talk? Raylan: No. Winona: Then why am I out here, breathing diesel? Raylan: Last time you were in there, you took off your wedding ring. Winona: Oh, yeah, and as I recall, you put up a hell of a fight. I mean, if you really wanted to talk, we'd have met on neutral ground and not five feet and a flimsy door away from that lumpy bed of yours. Raylan: Okay. No. I invited you here because I'm tired, and I wanted to have a word before I went to sleep. Winona: So what's keeping you? Raylan: Son of a bitch! Winona: Yeah, that's what a girl wants to hear for pillow talk... regret. [ Cellphone ringing ] Oh, you're gonna get that? Raylan: Givens. Tom: Raylan, it's trooper Tom Bergen. Raylan: Oh, hey, Tom. What's up? Tom: Am I catching you at a bad time? Raylan: No, no, no, it's fine. Tom: Okay. Well, I got a line on Boyd Crowder for you. Raylan: Finally surfaced, huh? Tom: Yeah, in a manner of speaking. Boyd: Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!

Picking up where the finale left off, Raylan tracks Boyd down, and seemingly puts his Miami problems to rest. However, the void left by the Crowder clan in Harlan is looking to be filled by the ruthless Bennett clan, headed by Mags Bennett ( Margo Martindale ), who has a contentious history with Raylan's family.

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PROLOGUE Scenes from "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue": Niles announcing his elopement in Frasier's apartment. "PREVIOUSLY ON FRASIER" at the bottom of the screen. Niles: It occurred to me I think perhaps we should try to keep this quiet from Daphne. Daphne: Keep what quiet? Mel: We got married! Daphne talking to Frasier. Frasier: Daphne, are you saying you have feelings for Niles? Daphne: I think I do. Frasier and Martin at the bar at the Wayside Inn. Martin: You can't tell Niles all this, he says he's happy with Mel. Frasier: She says she's happy with Donny. But I'm not sure I believe either one of them. Martin: Just remember, Fras: there are two marriages on the line here. Niles and Daphne on the balcony. Niles: I will get a divorce and you can call off the wedding. Daphne: I can't! Donny is a dear and wonderful man, and I made a promise to him. Daphne: I'm sorry, my mind's made up. Daphne entering the Winnebago. Daphne: Hello. Daphne: I was wondering...if you might be free for a date? Niles: [rushing to embrace her] Oh, my God, yes! Daphne: [separating them] There's plenty of time for that later, let's get this bloody boat moving! Act 1 Scene 1 - The Winnebago Fade in. Niles is driving the Winnebago, Daphne in the passenger seat beside him. They are both giddy. Niles: I can't believe this! Daphne: Neither can I! Niles: What made you change your mind? Daphne: My little niece, Audrey, the flower girl. She looked up at me and said "You're the saddest bride I've ever seen." I figured who was I kidding if I couldn't fool a four-year-old with an eye patch? Niles: Remind me to give her a car for her preschool graduation. Daphne: [laughing] The next thing I knew, I was climbing out the window of the loo! Niles: You mean...you didn't tell Donny? Daphne: I didn't tell anyone. Can't you get this thing moving any faster? Niles: Well, I would, but we have to watch out for speed... There is a thump and the front of the Winnebago jumps. Niles: ...bumps. Another thump and the back of the Winnebago jolts. Daphne: I've never done anything this crazy! Are you nervous? Niles: Only that I'm gonna wake up. Daphne gazes at him lovingly. Niles's cell phone rings and he reaches for it. Daphne: Don't answer it! It's probably your brother wondering if you've seen me. Niles: Maybe it's Mel wondering why it's taking me half an hour to put on insect repellant. The phone rings a few more times then stops. Niles: Good. Niles sets the phone down and brakes the Winnebago to a stop. Niles: Here we are: the end of the driveway. Which way shall we go? Daphne: Well, to the right is Seattle, and to the left I guess, is Canada. Niles: Any thoughts? Daphne: Well, what's left for us in Seattle? Ex-wives, an ex-fianc ... a tangled mess of bitterness and hurt feelings. Niles: Yes, but an excellent symphony and world-class dining. Daphne: Then there's Canada: a fresh start, a chance for adventure. Niles: [looking that way] Grizzly bears. The cell phone starts ringing again. Daphne: I don't care! Just pick one, let's go! Niles: [reaching for the phone] Maybe we should just... Daphne: No! We can't think about that. I just ran out on my wedding, I can't go back. I need you to be strong. Niles: For you, I have the strength of Hercules. He leans over to kiss her, but is caught short by the seat belt. He struggles against it for a moment as she looks confused, then blows her a kiss. Niles: I love you. Daphne: And I love you. The cell phone rings again. Daphne: They're not going away, are they? Niles: If you want to keep going, I'll go. Daphne: No. We better go back and face the music. We should make things right. Niles: OK. He answers the cell phone. Niles: All right, all right, we're on our way back! Excuse me? ...No, there is no Wendel Fong here. He disconnects and puts it down. Daphne: This is gonna be friggin' awful! Niles: Well, maybe. Maybe not. He puts the Winnebago in reverse and starts backing up. Niles: Sometimes you build these things up in your mind, and they turn out not half as bad as you thought. SMASH CUT TO: a close-up of Daphne, Donny's point of view Daphne: That being said, I guess there's no easy way to tell you this: I'm in love with Niles, and I can't marry you. The view shifts and moves as Donny reels. Daphne: Donny, are you all right? The view fades out as he faints. There is the noise of something hitting the ground and a grunt. Daphne: Donny! SMASH CUT TO: c.u. of Niles, Mel's p.o.v. Niles: Mel, did you hear what I just said? Say something. Anything. There is a bloodcurdling scream. Niles looks around frantically and makes shushing motions. SMASH CUT TO: Frasier's BMW. Frasier is driving down the road, Martin in the passenger seat, both looking grim. Niles and Daphne are in the back seat, looking shell-shocked. Niles: [stunned] Wow. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's BMW Everything as before. Daphne: [stunned] Wow. There is an awkward silence. Martin: Anyone try those little crab cakes? [off Frasier's look] What? They were good. Frasier: All right, Dad! We just had front row seats for what is arguably the most disastrous wedding in history. Can't just ignore it with a lot of inane chit chat. Another silence. Niles: Did you try that mustard dip that went with them? It was good. Frasier: Niles? Niles: Frankly, I prefer a little inane chit chat to talking about what actually happened back there. Daphne: Poor Donny. I've never seen him so upset. I just wish I'd broken the news to him in a carpeted room instead of the rock garden. I just can't help feeling that our happiness has come at the expense of Mel and Donny. Martin: There was no easy way out of this. But you guys did the right thing coming back. I'm proud of you both. Niles: Thanks Dad. And... thank you, Frasier. As painful as it was back there, we owe you a debt of gratitude. Daphne and I are here now because of you. Frasier: Please, Niles, I really didn't do all that much. Just a minor pluck of Cupid's bow. Daphne: Nonsense. You set this whole thing in motion. Frasier: Stop it. I'm blushing! Just seeing you two kids together is thanks enough for me. Although I, I wouldn't turn down a bottle of '82 Latour. Niles and Daphne laugh at this. Niles: [sotto voce to Daphne] He's not kidding. Daphne: I know. Martin: Oh, look. Isn't that my Winnebago pulling out from the gas station? Frasier: Oh, I'd say so. You know, Dad, I'm amazed you let Simon drive that thing. Martin: Oh, it'll be fine. I gave him a lecture about drinking and driving. Frasier: He did understand you were discouraging it? Martin: [laughing] Of course. [He looks thoughtful for a moment.] Uh-oh. Daphne: Just hope he gets my family to the airport on time. I wouldn't want them to miss their plane, if you get my drift. Martin: Yeah, it's them all right. Look, it's all your brothers waving from the back. They all wave. Daphne: Hello. Martin: Hey, how ya doin'? Niles: Hello. Martin: See ya! Suddenly they all look shocked. Niles grimaces, Daphne hides her gaze. Daphne: Oh, well that's very nice. Ugh... Frasier: Living up to the "Moon" family name, I see. They all look disgusted. FADE OUT. IF THEY'D GIVEN CASH HE'D BE IN CABO BY NOW Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Daphne and Roz are wrapping boxes, Martin is eating breakfast. Daphne: So did Simon get you home all right after dropping my family at the airport? Roz: Oh, yeah. He entertained the whole neighborhood trying to parallel park the Winnebago. The highlight was when he flattened a whole row of newspaper racks. Martin: How many did he get? My record's five. Daphne: I suppose he followed that up with some sort of clumsy advance. Roz: Oh, he tried, but I told him to get lost. Then he hit on my babysitter! She showed him why she's the star of her JV soccer team. Daphne: You know, Mum claims he was dropped as a child. I think he was thrown. [they laugh] I can't thank you enough for helping me return these wedding gifts. I've been dreading it. Just reminds me of how many people I've disappointed. Martin: Daph, you really outdid yourself on these corn muffins today. They're light... moist... corny... Daphne: [to Roz] He's just being so sweet to me because of all of this. Martin: No, I mean it! They're delicious! Daphne: He hates 'em. Watch this. [to him] You know, if you finish those up, I'll make another batch. In fact, I'll fill the freezer and we'll have them with every meal. Martin: All right, all right, I give! Try to do something nice around here. He tosses the rest of the muffin to Eddie. Simon comes in the front carrying a couple of gifts. Simon: Right, that's the last of it. Look sharp, Daphne! He tosses a gift, which bounces off the arm of the couch and falls to the floor with a shattering sound. Daphne: Simon, you idiot! Simon: Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist, I already dropped it in the elevator. Daphne: I think you've helped enough for one day. Roz takes the other gift from him and he goes to sit by Martin. Martin: Simon, how about a little breakfast? Simon: Oh, no thanks, Marty. I've already had a lovely crispy golden waffle and a foamy cappuccino down in the Winnebago. Martin: The Winnebago? That doesn't have a waffle iron or a cappuccino maker. Daphne: Wait a minute, these gifts look like they've been unwrapped and then wrapped again. Simon! Simon: You know what that is, Daphne? That's a bread maker, which you did not register for. Some people are so bloody thoughtless. Daphne: That's stealing! These gifts are going back! The doorbell rings. Simon: Never! Returning used merchandise is unethical. And I for one will never be party to it. Daphne opens the door, it is Niles. They move to kiss each other, but, noticing the others staring, don't quite connect. Niles: So... returning wedding presents, I take it. That's one problem Mel and I avoided by eloping. No presents to return when, uh... when, uh... Simon: When you shag someone else's wife? Daphne: Simon! She slaps him on the head on her way to the kitchen. Daphne: Would you like some coffee? Niles: Oh, I'd love some. Here, let me help. He starts to follow her into the kitchen, but stops at the table. Niles: Ooh, Dad, those look good. What are they? He reaches for a corn muffin as Martin checks to see that Daphne is out of earshot. Martin: Doorstops. Niles: [pulling his hand back] Thank you. He hurries on into the kitchen. Reset to: the kitchen as he enters. Daphne turns and they embrace and kiss tenderly. Niles: How'd you sleep last night? Daphne: I didn't. How 'bout you? Niles: Not a wink. Um, you know, as pleasant as it was riding up and down that driveway yesterday, I, I think it hardly qualifies as a date, so I have a surprise for you. I made reservations for tonight at Au Pied du Cochon, and after, we're going dancing at the Starlight Room. It'll be our first official date. You free? Daphne: Wow, this is awfully short notice. Can I get back to you? Niles: Yeah, of course. Daphne: [laughing] Of course I'm free, ya silly sausage. It sounds wonderful! Niles: Um, uh, Daphne, uh... About us. I, uh, think we shouldn't rush into anything, like living together, or, or even... physical relations until I have the situation resolved with Mel. You have any thoughts about that? Daphne: Oh, I'm so relieved. I feel exactly the same way. We need to get to know each other in this whole new light first. Niles: We're completely simpatico. Daphne: Yes. Daphne turns back to the counter. Niles grimaces, clenches his fists and waves his arms in a tantrum, finally sighing and letting his shoulders slump in resignation. Daphne: Although, you know, in some respects, we're much further ahead than most couples. I already know how you take your coffee. Cream. Niles: Mm-hmm. Daphne: One sugar. Niles: Mm-hmm. And two lips. She turns and they kiss again. Frasier comes into the kitchen. Frasier: Morning. Niles: [breaking the kiss] Good morning. No, I don't see anything in your eye. Niles turns away and Daphne rubs at her eye. Frasier: For God's sake, I got news for you: the cat is out of the bag! Daphne: Well, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to kissing the boss's brother in the kitchen. [nervous] Not that I'm used to kissing him any other place. [laughing] I mean any other room... Frasier: Yes, yes, Daphne, I know what you mean! So, how are you two doing? They both giggle smugly. Niles: Well, well we're deliriously happy, of course. Although, I, I keep thinking about Mel and how she must be feeling today. Niles's cell phone rings, he pulls it out and goes to the back of the kitchen. Niles: Excuse me. Daphne: Poor Donny. He must be devastated. I'll never forgive myself for that. Maybe I should go and see him. Frasier: I wouldn't, Daph. You know, Donny and Mel have suffered a terrible blow. They'll need space and time to lick their wounds. Believe me, in the emotional state they're in, the last thing they'll want is to speak with either of you. Niles: [into phone] Hold on. Frasier, could you hold it down? It's Mel. Frasier: That woman never misses an opportunity to show me up! He exits, Roz comes into the kitchen. Roz: Daphne, Simon is opening your gifts. Daphne: Bloody hell! She rushes to the living room. Reset to: the living room as she hurries over to Simon and grabs the present. Daphne: Simon, give me that! Simon: Roz, you little snitch! You know, I'm starting to have serious doubts about whether you're gonna be the future mother of my children. Roz: Somewhere out there, the future mother of your children just lifted her head from a puddle of drool. The doorbell rings. Simon: Yeah, but I'll bet she's got a ripper body. Daphne opens the door to reveal a messenger. Messenger: Daphne Moon? Daphne: Yes. Messenger: [handing her flowers] These are for you. Daphne: Oh, goodness! Messenger: [handing her some papers] And so is this. Consider yourself served. Daphne: What?! The messenger leaves as Daphne looks at the papers. Niles comes in from the kitchen with the coffee. Niles: Well, you won't believe this: Mel insists on seeing me. [noticing Daphne] Wow. Wonderful flowers, who are they from? Frasier: Well, I can't read the card from here, but I'd say they're from Donny. Niles: Is he trying to get you back? Daphne: Oh, he's getting me back, all right. He's suing me! Niles: [crossing to Daphne] What? Simon: Call me crazy, but you know what I think we all need right now? A nice pot of fondue. I'm sure I seen one in here somewhere. He begins rummaging through the gifts as Roz tries to stop him. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 GUESS WHO'S SHORT, WEARS A TUXEDO AND HAS FROSTING ALL OVER HIS FEET? Scene 1 - Donny's Office Fade in. Frasier knocks, then enters Donny's office, which is dark. Frasier: Donny? Are you in here? Donny: Hi, Fras. Donny's voice comes from his chair, which is turned with its back to Frasier. He speaks in the careful sing-song of a heavily-medicated man. Frasier: It's kind of dark in here. You think maybe we could turn on the light? Donny: OK. Frasier: Oh, OK. [He turns the lights on.] There we go, that's better. Ah... Donny? You're gonna have to turn around. I can't see you. Donny: Well, we can't see you either. Frasier: We? Donny: Oh, that's right, you haven't met my little friend. He swivels around. He's dressed in the shirt from his wedding clothes, and unshaven. He holds up a little plastic groom. Donny: You remember him? From the top of the wedding cake? I call him "Mr. Chump." Say hello to Mr. Chump. Frasier: Oh, well, Donny... Donny: I said say hello! Frasier: Hello, Mr. Chump. Donny, are you all right? Donny: Oh, yeah. I wasn't feeling very well yesterday, but the doctor gave me a few pills and I'm feeling much better now. So, what can I do for you? Frasier: Well, before I get to that, Donny, I'd like you to know that my visit here was completely my own idea. Daphne has nothing to do with it. What happened to you yesterday was unforgivable... and devastating. I know whereof I speak. You see, I too was once... abandoned at the altar. You're feeling abandoned and hurt, and completely alone. Donny: Aren't you forgetting someone? He holds up the plastic figure. Frasier: Just so we're clear: All my remarks refer to human relationships. Donny: Well... Frasier: Daphne realizes you went to great expense for this wedding, and she is prepared to repay you over time, but Donny, this hundred thousand dollars in punitive damages for emotional distress; that's not you. That's not the Donny Douglas I know. Donny: It's not? Frasier: No. You don't want to sue Daphne. Donny: I'm a lawyer, it's my natural impulse. Oh, you know, maybe I am being too hard on Daphne. In all fairness, she's not totally to blame. Frasier: Gosh, there's plenty of blame to go around. I mean, even I played a minor part in these events. Donny: [sitting up] You? I was talking about me. Frasier: Well, you, me, everyone. Let he who is without sin, right? Anyway, I'm glad we had this talk. God bless. Donny: No, wait, wait, wait, wait...just a minute. What "minor part" did you play? Frasier: I may have mentioned in passing to Niles and Daphne how they felt about each other. Which may have, conceivably, set this ...whole thing in motion. Perhaps! Donny: You did this on my wedding day? Frasier: Oh, no. No, Donny, no. It was the night before, but... what I'm trying to say is if you feel the urge to yell at someone, well then yell at me. If you want to take a swing at someone, then here's my chin. [Donny jumps up.] Are you going to hit me? Donny: Oh, yeah. I'm gonna hit you. I'm gonna hit you with tortious interference and intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress. In layman's terms: I'm gonna sue your ass off! Frasier: Me?! But Daphne's the one who left you at the altar! Donny: That's right. That's why I'm suing her for breach of contract! Frasier: Donny, Donny listen, you're being emotional right now. Give this a few days and I'm sure you'll feel much better. Donny puts on his jacket. Donny: Actually, I'm feeling a lot better, thank you Frasier. Suing you is just the tonic I needed. You know what else? I'm starving. I haven't eaten in twenty-four hours. I'd ask you to join me, but, uh, you should be saving your money. Turn out the lights when you leave. Oh, by the way, Fras. Who's Mr. Chump now? He puts the plastic figure in Frasier's pocket, then turns and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Martin and Niles are sitting at the table by the window. Niles: Where is Mel? That woman is punctual to a fault. This is a bad sign. Martin: She's only five minutes late. Niles: Five?! I thought it was two! She's doing this intentionally, she's playing mind games. [gasp] She's hoping to undermine my confidence, [gasp] so she'll have the advantage. [gasp] Martin: Yeah, but you're showin' her. Frasier comes in. Frasier: I'm sorry I'm late. What's wrong with Niles? Martin: Oh, he's in a tizzy 'cause Mel's late. Frasier: Dear God! She's never late! Niles begins hyperventilating. Frasier sits beside him. Frasier: Steady Niles! Niles puts his head between his knees. Martin: Nice job, Frasier. Well, how'd things go with Donny? Frasier: Well, I used every psychological trick in my bag to get myself added to the lawsuit. Niles: That's unforgivable! Frasier: Tell me about it. Niles: No, that prune danish that Dad dropped down here last Thursday is still here! Frasier and Martin look, then Martin points out the window. Martin: Oh, I think I see Mel pullin' in. Niles: Don't panic! [He lifts his head, banging it on the table.] Thanks for the moral support. Don't let her see you here. Frasier: [rising] OK. If you need us, we'll be right up there. Niles: Thanks. Martin and Frasier sit at the table around the support column, covering their faces with newspapers. Mel walks in, wearing large, dark sunglasses. Niles: Hello Mel. Mel: Niles. Niles: Please. He holds a chair for her and she sits. He sits across from her. Mel: Well, here we are: our four-day anniversary. Niles: Mel, I never meant to... Mel: What? Hurt me? If that were the case, you never would have run off with your... maid whore, leaving me holding the brochures to our honeymoon. Niles: Technically, she's a physical therapist. [off her look] You were saying? Mel: If you think that I... She breaks down and Niles pulls out his handkerchief. Niles: Oh, Mel. Here, here... Mel: No! She slams her hands down on the table. Niles jumps and sends his handkerchief flying, managing to catch it. Mel takes off her sunglasses. Mel: I promised myself I wouldn't cry, damn it! I want you to listen to me very carefully. Last night, as I lay in bed, awake, I thought I'm either going to kill you, or I'm going to kill myself. Niles: Well, here you are, so I guess that leaves, uh... Mel: Will you shut up and let me finish? I realized that wouldn't solve anything. So, I've decided to make this as painless as possible. You will have your divorce, Niles, and it will be quick and clean. Niles: That's very generous... Mel: Hold your applause, there are some conditions. As you know, I have a certain standing in my social circle that's important to me, and having my husband of three days run off with some Cockney tart is a humiliation I'd prefer to avoid. Niles: Yes, I understand completely. Mel: So this is how this is going to play out. For the next few weeks, as far as rest of the world is concerned, we are still happily married. Niles: Check. Mel: We will appear together in public, at various social occasions. Niles: Check. Mel: In private, I don't want to lay eyes on you. Niles: Check, check. Mel: And when a suitable amount of time has passed, I will file for divorce. Niles: It seems like you've thought of everything. Mel: I have. [She hands him a box.] Here's the watch I was going to give you as a wedding gift. Please wear it when we're together. Niles: [looking at it] It's, uh... [He peers closer.] Mel: Yes, it said "Forever Yours". I scratched it out with a screwdriver. Niles: There's something else crudely carved here, but... ah. Well, at least you were able to use that "f" from "forever". Angle on Frasier and Martin, who have been watching this. Martin: Maybe it's not gonna be so bad after all, she just gave him a watch. Frasier: Isn't this all too typical? [He pulls out the plastic groom.] Niles leaves his wife for another woman, he gets a gift. I try to do the right thing and I get Mr. Chump and a lawsuit! [He puts the figure away.] Martin: Frasier, I know you thought it was for the best, but I told you not to go see Donny, didn't I? Frasier: Yes, you did. Martin: But you went down there anyway, didn't you? Frasier: Yes, I did! Martin: I told you not to screw around with lawyers, didn't I? Frasier: All right, Dad! Martin: [quietly] I told him not to go down there. Frasier: Will you shut up?! Mel gets up and leaves. Frasier: All right, there she goes. Martin and Frasier rush over to sit with Niles. Martin: So? Frasier: Niles? Niles: Ah, well, um, all things considered, not so bad. In exchange for a neat and tidy divorce, all I have to do is play the doting husband at some social functions for a few weeks. Martin: Oh, that doesn't sound so bad. Frasier: What kind of social functions? Niles: Well, uh, for instance, ah, tonight...is our wedding reception. Frasier: Dear God! Niles: Well, since we eloped, some of Mel's colleagues decided to throw a last minute get-together to toast our nuptials. Martin: Well, after Donny gets through with Frasier, you won't be the only one gettin' your nuptials toasted. Frasier glares at him. FADE OUT.

Niles and Daphne flee Daphne's wedding in Martin's Winnebago, but only reach the end of the road before turning back to confront the situation. In the aftermath, Donny sues Daphne for breach of contract, adding Frasier to the suit when he discovers Frasier's involvement in making Daphne and Niles aware of their feelings for each other. Mel agrees to grant Niles a divorce, but only if he appears to be a devoted husband in public for a period of time so as to minimise her embarrassment. This means that Niles and Daphne cannot be seen in public together.

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x10

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x10_0

1x10 Co - Captain Scott: Stiles. Stiles! Has anyone seen Stiles? Stiles! Has anyone seen Stiles? Allison: Uh, you were - pretty awesome out there. Scott: Thanks. You too. I mean - that's not what I meant. Allison: No, no, I - did some pretty awesome cheering. You can thank me. Scott: You did? Allison: Totally. I went from, "go, team, go, to "defense, defense," without a - a breath. I brought my A game. Lacrosse player: State, state, state, state - Jackson: Oh, isn't that just heartbreaking? Gosh, I bet it causes a lot of sleepless nights. You know what, though, McCall? I actually sympathize, which is why I'm gonna make this mutually beneficial. You give me what I want - and, uh, I'll help you get her back. Scott: What? Jackson: Well, three days makes it just in time for the winter formal. Uh, think about you taking her instead of me. And also think about all the things you' have to do to get her out of some tight little dress by the end of the night. See how this could work out for everybody? Three days, McCall. Have fun. Danny: By the way, McCall - Apology accepted. Scott: I didn't apologize. Danny: Every time you got the ball tonight, you passed it to me. Scott: Every time I passed the ball to you, you scored. Danny: Apology accepted. Scott: Danny? What the hell - Thank God! Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea what's been going on? Peter: I really don't get Lacrosse. Scott: It was you - Peter: When I was in high school, we played basketball. There's a real sport. Still, I read somewhere that Lacrosse comes from native Americans tribes and that they played it to resolve conflict. I have that right? Hm. I have l little conflict of my own to resolve, Scott. But I need your help to do it. Scott: I'm not helping you kill people. Peter: Well, I don't want to kill all of them. Just the responsible ones. And that doesn't have to include - Derek: Allison. Scott: You're on his side? Are you forgetting the part where he killed your sister? Derek: It was a mistake. Scott: What? Derek: It happens. Peter: Scott - I think you're getting the wrong impression of us. We really just want to help you reach your full potential. Scott: By killing my friends. Peter: Sometimes the people closest to you - can be the ones holding you back the most. Scott: If they're holding me back from becoming a psychotic nut job like you, I'm okay with that. Peter: Maybe - you could try and see things - from my perspective. Laura: Peter? Stiles: Dude, we have a huge problem. Scott: Trust me - I know. Chris: It hasn't been an issue since we lived here. Kate: All I'm saying is that firing those things so close by is bound to draw some attention. Chris: These things have saved my life more than once, and I know how to be inconspicuous when I need to. Kate: This coming from a man whose preferred weapon is a crossbow. You know these extra skills are something you could be teaching your daughter. Chris: Not yet. Kate: Ever? Chris: Not - yet. You coming? Kate: Yeah. Coming. Chris: Car trouble? Lydia: Allison - When you said you needed to stop for an errand before we went shopping - a five - mile hike in the woods was not what I was expecting. Allison: Before I forget, I wanted to ask if you're okay with something. Jackson asked me to the winter formal. Lydia: Did he? Allison: Huh. Just as friends. But I just wanted to make sure you're okay with it first. Lydia: Sure. As long as it's just friends. Allison: Well, yeah, I mean - It's not like I would take him to the coach's office during lacrosse practice to make out with him or anything. Lydia: Uh, about that - Jackson: It's okay. I'm just gonna call a tow truck. Chris: Oh, I know a few things about cars. Could be something simple. Jackson: I don't know. I mean, it's a pretty expensive car and they pull all this warranty crap if you do your own repairs, right? Chris: Well - I won't tell if you won't. It's Jackson, right? Come here. I'll show you what to look for. Oh, sorry. Jackson: What? Chris: Your neck. You hurt yourself? Jackson: No. I mean, it's just - just a scratch. Chris: Well, it looks like more than a scratch. Kinda looks like claw marks. You all right? Jackson: Yeah, look, I'm just gonna call for a tow truck, okay? Chris: Is there any reason you're so reluctant to tell me what it was that did that? Stiles: What's up? Scott: Is everything okay? Chris: Hey, Scott. Your friend, here, was having car trouble. We're just taking a look. Scott: There's a shop right down the street. I'm sure they have a tow truck. Stiles: Yeah. You want a ride? Hey, come on, Jackson. You're way too pretty to be out here all by yourself. Chris: Hey, boys. Told you I knew a few things about cars. Jackson: What, are you following me, now? Scott: Yes, you stupid freaking idiot. You almost gave away everything, right there. Jackson: What are you talking about? Scott: He thinks you're the second beta. Jackson: What? Scott: He thinks you're me! Stiles: Dude, my jeep. Scott: I can hear your heart beating from a mile away - literally! Now he thinks that there's something wrong, and now I have to keep an eye on you so he doesn't kill you too! Stiles: Okay, how about we step away from Stiles' Jeep. Jackson: This is your problem, not mine, okay? I didn't say anything, which means you're the one that's gonna get me killed. Okay, this is your fault. Stiles: Can we stop hitting my jeep? Yo, all right, yo, guys, stop. All right? Scott: When they come after you, I won't be able to protect you. I can't protect anyone. Stiles: Why are you looking at me? Jackson: You know, now you have to do it. Get me what I want, and I will be fine protecting myself. Scott: No, you won't! Just trust me. All it does is make things worse. Jackson: Oh, yeah, really? You can hear anything you want and run faster than humanly possible. Sounds like a real hardship, McCall. Scott: Yeah, I can run really fast now - Except half the time, I'm running away from people trying to kill me! And I can hear things like - like my girlfriend telling people that she doesn't trust me anymore right before breaking up with me. I'm not lying to you! It - ruins your life. Jackson: It ruined your life. You had all the power in the world, and you didn't know what to do with it. You know what it's actually like? It's like you turned 16 and someone bought you a Porsche when they should have started you out with a nice little Honda. Me? I drive a Porsche. Lydia: What does that do? Allison: We're about to find out. Lydia: What the hell was that? Allison: I don't know. Lydia: Well - that was fun! Any more lethal weapons you wanna try out? Allison: Hold this. Lydia: What? Why? Allison: Because I thought I heard something. Lydia: So - what if you heard something? Allison: So - I want to find out what that something is. Don't worry. It's probably nothing. Lydia: Well, what if that nothing is something and that something is something dangerous? Allison: Shoot it. Allison: Scott? Scott: Trigger finger! Allison: Oh! Oh, God, oh, God. I'm so, so, so, so sorry. Scott: Ohh - no, it's my fault. Totally my fault. Allison: Are you okay? Scott: Yeah. I'm fine. Allison: I didn't know it was you. If I'd known it was you I'd - Scott: Still would have pulled the trigger? Allison: No! Of course not. Seriously, I - I'm so sorry. Are you sure you're okay? Scott: Yeah. I think so. Allison: What were you doing here anyway? Were you - following us? Scott: No. Not at all. Your dad told me that you run this trail sometimes, and I was hoping to catch you alone. Allison: By following me? Scott: Well - yeah. Allison: What for? Scott: I found this at school. Allison: Thank God! I was beginning to think it was stolen. Scott: No. No, just lost. Definitely not - stolen by anyone. Allison: Well, thank you for finding it. And for bringing it. Scott: You don't - think I'm a total stalker now, do you? Allison: Hmm - no. I just think you're weird. Like you always are. Stiles: Whatcha doing? Sheriff: Work. Stiles: Anything I can help with? Sheriff: You know, if you poured me an ounce of whiskey, that would be awfully nice. Stiles: Any leads? Sheriff: You know I can't discuss that with you. Not too much. Stiles: Okay. There you go, dad. Sheriff: Thanks. Stiles: Bottoms up. Sheriff: You know, Derek Hale would be a whole hale of a lot - Hale of a lot? Stiles: Hell of a lot? Sheriff: Hell. Yes. He would be a hell of a lot easier to catch if we could get an actual picture of him. Stiles: How do you not have a picture of him? Sheriff: It's the weirdest thing. It's like every time we tried to get a mug shot, it's like two - Laser beams were pointing at the camera. Stiles: Nice. Sheriff: Oh, my God. Ohh! God, that ounce hit me like a brick. And I have said way too much, and if you repeat any of that - Stiles: Dad - it's me. I'm not gonna say anything. Come on. Sheriff: See, the thing is they're all connected. I mean, the bus driver that got killed, he was an insurance investigator assigned to the Hale house fire. Stiles: "Terminated under suspicion of fraud." Sheriff: Exactly. Stiles: Who else? Sheriff: The video store clerk who got his throat slashed - He's a convicted felon, history of arson. Stiles: What about the other two guys, the guys who got killed in the woods? Sheriff: Priors all over their records including - Stiles: Arson. So maybe they all had something to do with the fire. Another shot? Sheriff: No, no, no, no more. Stiles: Dad, come on. You work really hard, all right? You deserve it. Sheriff: Oh, my God, I'm gonna have such a hangover. Stiles: You mean you're gonna have such a good night's sleep. I'm gonna have an eternity in the lowest circle of hell. [SCENE_BREAK] Teacher: Scott, I noticed you hadn't handed your paper, today. If you need an extension, the best I can do is another 48 hours. Scott: Ohh, son of a - Not now, mom. I said not now. Allison: Sorry. Your mom let me in. Can we talk? Sheriff: Stiles, there's just so many questions. Stiles: Like what? Sheriff: Like if Derek - wanted to kill everyone involved with the fire. Then why start with his sister? I mean, she had nothing to do with it. Why make it look like some kind of animal did it? When that cougar ended up in the parking lot - I checked with animal control. You know the instances of wild animal reports were up 70% over the past few months? It's like they're just going crazy, running out of the woods. I don't know. Stiles: Or something's scaring them out. Sheriff: You know, I miss talking to you. It's like we never have time - Stiles: Dad, you know, I have to make a phone call - I'm sorry. I'll be right back. Sheriff: I do. I miss it.nAnd I miss your mom. Stiles: What'd you say? Sheriff: Thanks. Scott: Do you want me to say something first? Allison: No. Scott: Okay. Do you want me to leave you alone for a few minutes? Allison: Why would I want that? Scott: I don't know. It's just that, um - you came in here and said that you wanted to talk, and we've been sitting here for like ten minutes - and you haven't said anything yet, and it's starting to freak me out. Allison: Sorry. It's a little hard to start. This is going to sound really ridiculous. Like, I - I guess I just - I don't want you to laugh at me. Scott: I would never laugh at you. Allison: It's about my family. Scott: Okay. Allison: A little while ago, I caught them in a lie. A small one. When my aunt first arrived, she had car trouble, and - My dad said it was a flat tire, but she said she needed a jump start. Scott: Maybe it was just a little miss communication. Allison: Yeah, that was what I though too. And then I found glass on her car like - her window had been smashed in. I've been overhearing some really strange conversations. I think some of it has to do with Derek. Scott: Are you sure? Allison: Yeah. I think that he's not - Melissa: Hey, Scott, I'm coming home late tonight - what? What - what's wrong? Is it - is it my hair, makeup? Scott: No. No, nothing. You look beautiful. Allison: You look amazing. Scott: Amazing. Why do you look amazing? Melissa: Because, amazingly, I'm having dinner for once with a member of the male gender who's over the age of 16. Scott: Who? Melissa: Uh, it's a medical rep that came into the hospital, today. Yeah, we just kinda started talking, and the next thing I know, I'm saying yes to dinner and - I'm really hating myself for skipping the gym last week. Scott: What - medical rep? Melissa: That medical rep. And, uh, I'm not - I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not done, I'm not ready, so if you could please just get the - get the door and talk with him, okay, just - Be nice. Scott: Just one minute, okay? Melissa: Scott! Get the door. Scott! For the love of God, please! Hey. What are you doing? Aren't you gonna invite him in? Peter: Hello there. Peter: Really? Slam the door in my face? Come on, Scott. Take a second to think that through. Scott: I'll tell her. Peter: That I used to be a catatonic invalid with burns covering half my face? Good luck with that. Scott: If you hurt her, if you even touch her - Peter: Scott, if I may interrupt your listing of the top five most impotent - sounding threats for a moment, try and remember that I've been in a coma for six years. Don't you think I'd like to have dinner with a beautiful woman? Melissa: Just - just half a second. Sorry. Peter: Or maybe - You think that I've come up with an idea. Like how it might be easier to convince you to be part of the pack - if your mother is too. You need to understand how much more powerful we are together - You and me and Derek. Did you know that some of the most successful military operations during the second world war were the German U - boat attacks? Do you know what they called them? Wolf packs. Did you know that? Or are you failing history as well? Scott: I know the Germans lost the war. Peter: I think you'll find that most historians would argue that as a failure of leadership. And trust me, we don't have that problem here. Melissa: I'm ready, I'm ready. Sorry again. Scott: Mom - Melissa: Yes? Sweetheart? Scott: Have a good time. Melissa: Okay. Jackson: What the hell? Hey. Derek: I like your taste in music. I haven't heard this one - in a long time. Jackson: I'm not scared of you. Come on. I'm not afraid. Derek: Yeah. You are. You know, I bet you haven't had a day in your whole life - where you haven't been afraid of something. But you won't have to be anymore. Not when you're one of us. Scott: If you just stay, I swear - I'll be right back. I just - I just have to, um - I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't totally, incredibly important. Allison: It's all right. Scott: No, no. I want to talk to you. There's actually nothing I want to do more right now. Can you please stay? Please? I'll be right back. Thank you. Peter: Everything okay? Melissa: Mm, I don't know. I just feel like we maybe missed the turn for the restaurant? Peter: Hm, I'll pull over. We can map it on your phone. Melissa: Okay. What? Peter: I was just noticing that you have the most incredible skin. It's flawless. Melissa: That's a new one on me. Peter: Do you mind? Melissa: Oh. Sorry. Melissa: Oh, are you kidding me? Stiles! Stiles: Mrs. McCall? Melissa: Yes! Stiles: Wow, this is - this is just crazy. What a coincidence, huh? Melissa: Ha ha - Peter: Nicely done, Scott. Nicely done. Stiles: I mean - I do not know what happened. You guys just came out of nowhere. Melissa: Came out of nowhere! We were parked on the side of the road, Stiles. Stiles: How crazy is that? I mean, we should probably call the cops, you know, do like an accident report thing. Peter: I don't think that's necessary. Stiles: Are you sure? I think I'm feeling a little whiplash. Melissa: Whiplash? You hit us! Stiles: I don't know - there's something definitely wrong with my neck. Peter: I know you're there, Scott, and I'm impressed. It's too bad most teenagers aren't that smart. It's like that one on the lacrosse team - Jackson. Thinks he knows all about us. You know how they say knowledge is power. Not in his case. Scott: Jackson. Oh, no. Jackson: This is it? This is the place? Derek: Go ahead. Jackson: Is it safe? I don't want rafters falling on my head. Derek: Go in. Jackson: What's in here? Derek: Everything you want. It's gonna be all right. Trust me. Jackson: This house - It's the same h - house. Derek: What'd you say? Jackson: I've dreamt about this place. I - I remember the staircase. I remember these - these walls. I remember - everything. Derek: You've been here? Jackson: No, never. I dreamt it. There's no one else here, and no one else is coming? No, please - Please don't, okay? I'll shut up - I'll never say another word again. I'll leave Scott alone. Please, you can't do this! Please! I - I don't deserve it. Derek: I think you do. Jackson: N - no! Derek: Look around you! Wouldn't there be someone here trying to save you? There's no one here. There is a reason. No one cares that you drive an expensive car. No one cares that you have perfect hair, and no one cares that you're captain of the lacrosse team. Scott: Excuse me. Co - captain. Derek: Move! Scott: No. Derek: Fine. I'll kill you too. Cover your eyes! Scott! Go! Run! Scott: Allison. Scott: Stop. Deaton: It's all right, Scott. You're gonna be all right. Deaton: I wouldn't get up just, yet. Scott: Where am I - Deaton: You're fine. And I've given you something that should - Speed up the healing process. Scott: But you're a vet. Deaton: That's very true - and 90% of the time, I'm mostly treating cats and dogs. Scott: Mostly? Deaton: Mostly. Allison: What is this place? Kate: Let's start with the basics. You know how every family has its secrets? Ours is a little different. Isn't he beautiful?

The Alpha finally reveals himself to Scott who happens to be Peter, Derek's uncle and gives him an idea of why he has killed certain people. Argent stages an encounter thinking that Jackson may be a werewolf. Meanwhile, Allison discovers a bit more about her family's secrets and confronts Lydia about her kissing Scott.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x16

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x16_0

2x16: It's the End of the World (Part 1) (OR) (Large light overhead from an OR flashing on. A heart monitor is beeping in the background) MVO: It's a look patients get in their eyes. (Meredith is standing decked out in full scrubs gear in the OR which is dead silent aside from the heart monitor. She is breathing heavily and teary eyed) MVO: There is a scent. The smell of death. (Derek is standing opposite to her also in his scrub gear just looking at her. The OR is absolutely completely empty. No tables, no equipment, no other people, nada aside from them two. Meredith is holding out one of her hands to Derek) MVO: Some kind of sixth sense. (Meredith sheds a tear. The tear trails down her face to her chin, where it hangs) MVO: When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. (The heart-monitor flat lines and the tear falls from her chin) MVO: What's the one thing you've always dreamed of doing before you die? (The screen goes black) (Meredith's house, shower) (Izzie and Meredith appear to be naked showering together and scrubbing each other sensuously. Cristina is also in there helping them. They look like they're having a blast) MVO: Ok, hello? Clearly not my dream. (The shower screen door opens revealing George who also appears naked with a towel wrapped around his waist. The three girls turn their attention to them) Cristina (whispers): George. Izzie: You're the strongest most masculine man I have ever known. Cristina: You're smarter than me. And you've got really great hair. Meredith: I'm in love with you, George. I always have been and I always will be. (George enters the shower and shuts the door behind. He then re-opens it, tosses his towel on the ground. Scene switches abruptly to George falling from his bed in his bedroom in the house) MVO: See? I told you, not my dream. (He looks confused for a second. His bedroom door opens revealing Izzie in her pajamas holding a box of cereal. She sneezes loudly, startling George) Izzie: Ok. (She sniffles) This is the last time I gonna tell you this. (George scrambles to get his blanket to cover him if you know what I mean) If you're gonna clog up the toilet you've got to be willing to use a plunger. Otherwise we're gonna make you crap in the backyard. What are you doing on the floor? Get up. Something's wrong with Meredith. (She leaves the room and George lies down on the floor) (Meredith's bedroom where Meredith is still lying in bed. George and Izzie are both in her room standing at her bedside) Meredith: I'm just not going. Izzie: You have to go to work. You're an intern. Saving lives is not optional. Meredith: Yes it is. I'm staying home. Izzie (to George): You're supposed to be helping. (George moves down to sit on Meredith's bed) George: Uh Mer? Maybe um there'll be a horrible accident nearby the hospital. Cut a bunch of people open. Sternotomies, Craniotomies. That'd be fun, right? Meredith: I don't care about surgeries. (She grabs the pillow next to her and pulls it over her head) (Cristina is dressed for work standing in Meredith's bedroom) Cristina: You have a feeling? (Izzie and George are now no longer in the room. Meredith removes her pillow to see Cristina standing there) Meredith: Yes. Cristina: Ok, what kind of feeling? Meredith: Like I might die. Cristina: Today? Tomorrow? In 50 years? (Izzie and George now dressed for work, listening at the door outside Meredith's room) Cristina: Cause we're all gonna die eventually! (Scene switches back to the room) But now we're late. Let's go. Meredith: Cristina! Come on. (Cristina sighs. She sits down on the bed) Cristina: Ok. This is me being supportive. Meredith: Really? Cristina: Yeah, hey, fine. I'm totally supportive. Go. (Meredith sits up) Meredith: Ok the man I love has a wife. And then he chooses her over me. And that wife takes my dog. (Cristina has a confused look on her face) Ok she didn't take the dog, I gave it to her but I didn't mean to give it to her I meant to give it to him. But that does not change the fact that she's got my McDreamy! And my McDog. She's got my McLife! And what have I got? (Meredith stares at her as if to say nothing) Meredith (more calm and sad tone): Do you know I can't remember the last time we kissed. Cause you never think the last time is the last time. You think there'll be more. You think you have forever but you don't. (She slumps back down in the bed again and is hyped up again) Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I just, I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today. (Cristina stands up thoughtfully for a second before yanking the sheets away from Meredith. She stands up over her) Cristina: Whatever! Everybody has problems. Now get your ass out of bed and get to work! Now! Move! Move! Move! (She kicks Meredith to move off the bed who does so very quickly) (George and Izzie are listening. The door opens) George (to Izzie): What were you saying? Izzie: I don't know. (Meredith gives them both disapproving looks as she makes her way to get ready. Cristina follows her) Cristina: We're good to go. (George and Izzie nod at each other) (Seattle Scenes) (OR Hallway) (Richard is standing in front of the OR board looking slightly uneasy. The board has very few surgeries scheduled on it. Burke walks up to him) Burke: Quiet board. Richard: I know. Burke: That's a bad sign. Richard: I know that. Don't you think I know that? (Derek walks up to them) Derek: That's a quiet board. (Richard groans loudly) Derek (to Burke): Is he in a bad mood? Burke: Quiet board. Derek: Right, he hate's a quiet board. Richard: I can hear you talking about me. Burke: We're just saying. Richard: Quiet board means trouble. A quiet board is death! A quiet board bodes bad news! (He turns around to face them) And stop looking at me like that! (He walks off) Burke: Dr. Shepherd. (He starts to walk off) Derek: Dr. Burke. (Burke stops walking and faces Derek) Derek: You and I, we've known each other for a while now, right? Burke: Yes. Derek: We've done several successful surgeries together. Burke (looks confused as to where this is leading): Yes. Derek: Your girlfriend is my ex-girlfriend's best friend. Burke: Yes. Derek (smiles): Why can't we call each other by our first name? (Burke stares at him for a bit) Burke: I don't think so. Derek: Seriously? Burke: Seriously. Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Dr. Burke. (Burke walks away) (Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex are in the pit getting ready for incoming cases in their lovely yellow gowns) Cristina (to Izzie): I haven't been in the OR in two days. I'm getting some OR time. (They all start making their way to the double doors where the patients come in) Cristina: We haven't had a decent resident this week. Izzie: Oh the last two weren't that bad. Alex: Doesn't matter which resident we get. They suck. George: They all sucked. Izzie: Yeah. (They've all walked to the door except for Meredith who is a few feet behind them to still putting on her yellow gown) George: I miss Dr. Bailey. (The door closes and the whole area goes deathly silent. Meredith looks a little ill. Empty nurses' station aside from Derek who is standing there watching her holding some files. Meredith turns to Derek) Derek: You all right? Meredith: I have a feeling. Derek: I get those. Meredith: Yeah? Derek: Yeah. (He moves a few feet closer to her) Meredith: And? Derek: If you wait long enough, it passes. (An elevator ding sounds) Meredith: Promise? Derek: I promise. (Meredith nods slightly and walks after where the others go. All the normal hospital sounds return gradually. Derek looks pensive. Addison walks up to him) Addison (smiling): Hey. Whatcha doing? Derek: Waiting for it to pass. Addison (confused): For what to pass? (Meredith is walking through the sliding doors to outside the pit where the ambulances come in. She comes up behind where Izzie and Alex are standing together and Cristina and George are standing in front of them) Alex (to Izzie): So you want to do charts later? Izzie: Never gonna happen. Alex: What? Izzie: Alex, I gave you your chance. You had your chance and you slept with someone else. (George rolls his eyes and Cristina looks like she wants to crack up laughing. She and George both chuckle) Izzie: I forgave you in the spirit of being a bigger person. Of rising above but these legs are closed to you now. The panties are staying on. So you and me? Never gonna happen. Alex: So you don't wanna do charts later? Izzie: Go stand over there. (She gestures for to move away from her) Cristina: Can we get back to the point? George: You had a point? Cristina: Yeah, which surgeon are we going to have to suck up to today? Bailey: That would be me! (They all turn around startled and find Dr. Bailey looking very pregnant but still dressed in normal everyday clothing standing behind them) Cristina: Dr. Bailey? Bailey: I've been gone 2 weeks. 2 weeks! And you ran off 2 residents! I've got people phoning me at home, screaming telling me my interns are Rosemary's babies. (They all looking slightly offended by that) Bailey: Nobody wants you! Do you think I have time for this? I am pregnant! I'm supposed to be on bed rest. I'm supposed to be growing a human being. I'm supposed to be calm! Do I look calm to you? Did I raise you fools to be pariahs? (George pushes past Meredith and Izzie and walks up right to Dr. Bailey who looks confused at George's behavior. He grabs her in a tight hug) George: You're back. Bailey: Ah! I'm not back. George (tightens the hug): You're not? Bailey (hits his back): Get off me. (George finally breaks the hug. He smiles at the other interns. Bailey shrugs off the hug. An ambulance can be heard approaching) Bailey: Uh Yang, Karev, Grey, stay here and wait for the incoming case. O'Malley page Addison Shepherd. (George nods and moves back into the hospital) Stevens get a wheelchair. Izzie: A wheelchair? Bailey: A wheelchair. (George dashes back to Bailey while Izzie goes into the hospital) George: What shall I tell Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd? Bailey (to Alex, Cristina & Meredith): What did I say? (They move off to meet the ambulance) George: Dr. Bailey? Bailey: What? George: What do you want me to tell Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd when she answers her page? (Izzie comes with a wheelchair. A large gushing sound is heard. Both Bailey and George look down at Bailey's feet. George takes a step back shocked and Izzie has a large oh my god look on her face) Bailey: Tell her my contractions are 10 minutes apart and my water just broke all over your shoes. (She moves past him to get to the wheelchair. George attempts to lift her into the wheelchair) Bailey: Uh, boy get off me! (Cristina, Alex and Meredith are standing in front of the incoming ambulance. They open the doors. A young paramedic helps a very powerful screaming lady who has blood spatters over her climb out of the ambulance. Alex and Cristina pass of the lady to Meredith who takes her into the hospital. There is another paramedic named Hannah Davies [Cristina Ricci] in the ambulance who looks very nervous. Alex looks down at the patient and sees that Hannah has her hand in a very large chest wound of the patient) Paramedic: Take her. Alex: Dude. Cristina: Yeah. (She and Alex both scramble into the ambulance) (Seattle Scenes) (Cristina and Burke are walking down a stairwell in the hospital) Cristina: James Carlson. Age 46. Paramedics found him unconscious and bleeding. Mechanisms of injury are unknown but he has a large sucking chest wound. And a wife with very healthy lungs. (They enter a hallway) Burke: Vitals? Cristina: Tachycardic in the 140s. BP holding in the 90s. (They walk for a bit) Burke: You were gone when I woke up. Cristina: Oh I, I had to do a thing. Burke: You didn't leave a note. Cristina: Yeah, well, I had this thing to do. You know I did this thing. Burke: And once again ... Cristina: What? Burke: We go to sleep. I think everything is fine and by the time I wake up you're just a little bit crazy. Cristina: Ok, I'm not crazy. I had a thing. Burke: Ok. (Burke enters a trauma room with the patient James Carlson. You can hear his wife screaming from far. Hannah is still there with her arm plugging the wound. Meredith is checking James' heart rate. There are other nurses and doctors in there as well, including the other paramedic who helped Mindy Carlson out of the ambulance) Burke: How's his respiratory effort? Meredith: Absent breast sounds on the right side. Air bubbling on the side of the wound. He's shocky and getting a little cyanotic. (Burke moves to check the heart rate) James (mumbles): My wife is ... (His wife is still crying and screaming loudly) Burke (to a nurse): Let's get him intubated and place an occlusive dressing over the wound. (to the Hannah) And who are you? Hannah: Hannah. Hannah Davies. Burke: Hannah, why do you have your hand inside my patient? Paramedic: I'd like to say for the record that I told her not to. Hannah: I tried to tamponade the wound with gauze and pressure but the only thing that would stop the bleeding was my hand. Every time I tried to move it he starts bleeding out. (Burke checks the wound) Hannah: Can I take my hand out now? Paramedic: You don't stick your hand inside of a patient when you don't know how he was injured. You don't stick your hand inside of a patient at all. Hannah: Yeah, I know that now! Burke (to the paramedic): Out of my room. Paramedic: She gets to stay? Burke: She has her hand stuck inside my patient. (Hannah smirks at the Paramedic guy who looks annoyed but he leaves the room) Hannah: Nice. Thanks. Burke: Oh don't get happy. You have your finger on a major bleeder. Mr. Carlson is running out of time. The only thing that you've won is an all expense paid trip to the OR. (to Meredith) Dr. Grey, prepare to transport her to the OR. (to Everyone) And let's make this happen quickly people. Cristina: Uh what, what do you want me to do? Burke: I want you to ... to make that woman stop screaming and tell us what happened. Cristina: Oh, I can't go to the OR? Burke: No. You have a thing to do. (Burke walks away) Meredith: What was that about? Cristina: If I'd known you were gonna get the good case I would've let you stay in bed. (Cristina walks off) (The pit where Mindy Carlson is still screaming her head off. Alex is standing in front of her. Izzie is as well but cringing at the sound) Alex: She's been going at least 15, 20 minutes. This must be like some kind of record. Izzie: Look at her. She's not even turning red. (Cristina walks up to them) Cristina: Good for her. Burke says shut her up. (Olivia walks in) Olivia: We've got an incoming trauma, MVC with a 30 minute extrication time and severe and intrusion damage to the car. (Mindy screams even louder at Olivia) Definite head injury. Stable vitals and everything else. 5 minutes out! (Olivia walks completely by them ignoring Mindy and heads out to meet the ambulance) Cristina: I got it. Izzie: I got it. Cristina: I got it first. (They both move towards the double doors) Alex: I thought you said Burke told you to shut her up! Cristina: No Burke told me to tell you to shut her up. (Alex sighs) Alex: Ma'am. Ma'am. (Mindy just screams at Alex) Alex: Mrs. Carlson. Are you injured? (Her screaming just continues which is very annoying) Alex: I need you to try and calm down. Mrs. Carlson. (A bit louder) Can you hear me? Can you hear me? (Mindy just screams. Alex looks fed and goes up to close to Mindy and screams loudly into her face. Mindy stops instantly screaming shocked) Alex: Good. Ok. Now can you tell me exactly what happened to your husband? (Mindy just starts crying loudly) (George is standing in the hallway peering into a patient room through the tiny window on the door. Richard comes by and notices this) Richard: What are you doing? (George turns around looking happy) George: Chief. (He points at the door) Bailey's in there. Richard (excited): Bailey's back? (Richard moves to the door to look in smiling but instantly stops. He looks at George mortified) Richard: O'Malley! George: She's in labor. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is examining her cervix. Richard: I can see that, quiet clearly! (George moves back to look through the door) Richard: O'Malley, stop looking! (George moves away from the door again but still smiling) George: Pretty amazing right? The miracle of life. Richard: Our Bailey. Becoming a mother. Feels good. Having Bailey back at the hospital. The balance is being restored. George: That's all I'm saying, sir. (Derek walks by and up to the nurses station nearby. He sees the two standing there) Derek: Hey guys. (He hands a nurse a file) Would you ah get this to Dr. Shepherd for me, please? (He turns back to the guys) What's going on? George (gestures to the room): Bailey's in there. Derek (smiling): Oh Bailey's back? (He grins) That's excellent. (He makes his way to the door to peer in and quickly loses his smile) Derek: And her cervix is being examined by my wife which is ah, which is a visual image I'll never get out of my head. Thanks for the warning. (George and Richard smile) George: Right. (Derek's pager goes off) (The door opens and Addison walks out) Addison: Well...Hmm the gathering of men outside the delivery room. How mid-century of you. (She moves to Derek who gives her a kiss on the cheek) Derek: Say hi to Bailey for me. Addison: Mmm. (Derek walks off. Addison walks up to the nursing station. George and Richard walk up to her) Richard: How's she doing? Addison: Taking it like a woman. (George and Richard exchange smiles) 6 centimeters dilated. 50% effaced and refusing all pain meds which I think is stupid but I'm not in labor so... (She walks off. The doors open suddenly and Bailey walks out) Bailey: What are you people doing out here? Richard: Are you alright? Can I get you anything? Bailey: A boy the size of a 10 pound bowling ball is working his way out of my body. Can you get me something for that? Can you get me a new v*g1n*? Richard: Oh, well... Bailey: I didn't think so. Look everybody I appreciate the concern but I'm fine. It's just childbirth. All I need is my husband who should've been here by now. (George holds out a pad and a pen) George: Write down his number. I'll call him. I'll track him down. (Bailey takes the pad and pen and writes down her husband's number) Bailey: All right. Then go away. Give me some privacy. I don't want to see any of you again until after the baby is born. (She hands George back the stationery) Which if does like I told him to and stays on schedule, should be in about 4 and a half hours. (Bailey makes her way back into her room. George and Richard are still standing there smiling) Bailey: I mean it! (She closes the door. George turns to Richard) Richard (grinning): Bailey's back. George: She's back sir. (They walk off in separate directions) (Trauma room where Izzie, Cristina and various other nurses and doctors are checking on a large black man, lying down on a gurney) Izzie: He's my patient Cristina. Get your own. Cristina: I had one. Meredith took him. Izzie: So now you're gonna take mine? Cristina: If I can. Tucker: Is my wife here? Is she here? Izzie: Was she in the accident with you? Tucker: She should be here. She's supposed to be here. Izzie: We'll find her, Mr. Jones... (Derek enters the room) Derek: Ok, what do we got? Izzie: Ah Tucker Jones. Age 35. Lost control of his car. Hit the guard- Cristina (interrupts): He's got a chest contusion and (Izzie looks pissed at Cristina) a head CT shows a left side depressed skull fracture. And a temporal epidural hematoma. GCS 14 in the field. Now down to 12. His motor exams are due back. Derek: Okay let's get him on a gram of dilantin and 70g of mannitol. Izzie: I'm on it. (Cristina looks annoyed) Derek (to Tucker): Mr. Jones, I'm gonna need to do an examination of you, okay? (A phone starts ringing) Tucker: Ah, my phone. Answer it. My phone. My wife. You need to answer it. Derek: Ok, we're going to answer it. (to Izzie): Dr. Stevens, answer his phone. Izzie: But... Cristina: I got it. (She grabs the injections from Izzie) Derek: Mr. Jones can you squeeze my fingers for me, please? Mr. Jones? (Izzie looks mad and makes her way to answer the phone) Tucker: My phone. Derek: Mr. Jones I need you to squeeze my fingers. (Tucker starts seizing and Izzie answer's his mobile) Derek: Okay he's seizing. Get him on his side! Watch his arm. Izzie: Hello? Hello? George? It's me Izzie. Derek: All right. Let's get him to the O.R Izzie: No I don't have Bailey's husband's phone. What are you, I think I'd know if I have Bailey's husband's phone George. (The others start wheeling Tucker out of the trauma room while Izzie turns around shocked realizing that Tucker could be Bailey's husband) Izzie: What's Bailey's husband's name? (Izzie looks horrified) (OR with a large OR team and Meredith prepping for the surgery on Mr. Carlson. Hannah is all scrubbed up with her hand still inside Mr. Carlson) Meredith: How are you doing over there? Hannah: My hand is getting numb and I gotta tell ya, this whole insides are all bloody and squishy thing is so not good for my gag reflex. But I'm good. Is this ok? Me being in here like this. Meredith: Once Dr. Burke scrubs in. He'll have you remove your hand and then you can go. (Hannah nods) And we'll fix Mr. Carlson. Hannah: Good. Cause I know how much medicine I know and it's just enough to never be allowed in an OR. It's my second week. As a paramedic. I got out of school about a month ago. Meredith: I haven't been doing this that long either. Hannah: Oh. Talk about on the job training huh? (Scrub area where Burke is scrubbing up. Derek walks in to scrub up as well) Derek: Dr. Burke. Burke: Dr. Shepherd. (Addison comes up to them) Derek: Hey. Addison: Hey. You've got Dr. Bailey's husband on the table? Burke: Bailey's husband is going into surgery? Derek (nods): Got into a car accident trying to get to the hospital before the birth. Addison: What do we tell Bailey? Derek: Nothing. Let's just wait until I get in there and see how bad the damage is. Have something concrete to tell her. Addison: Yeah, no use upsetting her until we know. Okay, keep me posted. (She moves to leave) Hey, Preston. Burke: Good seeing you Addison. (Derek looks amazed as Addison leaves) Burke: What? Derek: She gets to call you by your first name and I don't. Burke: I like her. Derek: And you don't like me? Burke: No. (He walks off leaving Derek looking after him) (Derek is entering the OR where Tucker is lying on an operating table being prepped for surgery. Izzie and Cristina are one of the many doctors in there) Derek: How are we doing? Izzie: He's stabilized. Anesthesiologist: I'm just about to put him under. Tucker: Doctor. (Derek walks up to him) You, you're Shepherd, right? Derek: Yes I am. Tucker: I thought so. Miranda ... she really likes you. Derek: I like her too. Tucker: We're having a baby. Derek (nods): I know. I'm going to care of you. I'm gonna get you back to Bailey, ok? Safe and sound. (The anesthesiologist moves to put Tucker under) (The pit where it appears Mindy has stopped crying. Nurse Tyler has helped Mindy change into a hospital gown and got her bloody clothes from her. Alex is at her bedside) Tyler: All this blood and none of it's hers. Alex: Yeah she's fine. Acute-anxiety reaction. Give her 2 diazepam PO to calm her down. Tyler: She in shock? Mindy: I'll say. (Tyler and Alex exchange a look) Alex: Can you tell us exactly what happened? Mindy: You mean the shock part? It was shocking. I'm shocked. You tell my husband when I get my hands on him; He's a dead man! Do you hear me? Scare me like this. Alex: Exactly how was your husband injured? (A man named Paul calls out) Paul: Mindy? Mindy? Are you in here? Mindy: I'm over here. You moron! (A middle aged man looking fairly stressed out and kinda dressed like a war veteran walks up to the group) Paul: How's James doing? Mindy: Oh he's bleeding all over the place. That's how he's doing! (She yells) The girl of the ambulance put her hand inside of him! That's how he's doing! Paul: What are you yelling at me for? Mindy: Because! Because you and James are like idiots! Playing like 8-year olds! (Alex tries to interrupt) Paul: Ok we don't play. We re-enact. Mindy: You play! You put on your costumes and build your stupid toys and you play! Paul: We re-enact. Mindy: Nobody re-enacts World War II. You moron! (Alex walks up to Paul) Alex: Exactly what happened? Mindy: You wanna know what happened? What happened is my husband and his moron best-friend... Paul (interrupts): Can you stop calling me a moron? Mindy: Moron best-friend! Decided to build some kind of big gun. Paul: Yeah an exact replica of the finest allied anti-tank weapon of World War II. The M9A1 bazooka. Mindy: So they put on their stupid costumes and they go out into the backyard and they try to shoot the thing! (Alex looks a little confused) Paul: I'm the gunner. James is the loader. Ok we follow the specifications exactly. (Alex nods) You should see it. It's a 60 millimeter. One and a half pound rocket. It's a beauty. Mindy (angry): It didn't work. So like an idiot my husband has to go and stand in front of his big gun to see what went wrong! That's when the stupid toy starts working! (Alex starts looking concerned) Paul: Stop calling it a toy. Mindy: It's taken up half my garage. I'll call it whatever I want! Alex: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, he shot himself with a bazooka? Mindy: Yeah! Alex (turns horrified to Paul): He shot himself with a bazooka? (Paul nods) Mindy: Like I said, morons! The pair of them! Alex: Was there an explosion? Paul: Huh? Alex (insistent): Was there an explosion? Paul: No. Why? (Alex looks beyond horrified) Paul (horror-struck): Oh crap. (Alex runs out of the ward sprinting) Mindy: What? What is it? (Alex is sprinting down a hallway. Richard sees him) Richard: Hey! Slow down! (Alex ignores him and keeps running) (Derek is in the OR about to start surgery on Tucker with a drill) Derek: If Bailey asks, I'm not the one who did this. (He starts drilling) (Bailey is in her patient room holding her mobile looking concerned. She opens up her phone and starts dialing) (Alex is sprinting down another hallway) (OR where Mr. Carlson is. Burke is about to start the surgery) Burke: Okay everyone. I'm going to do a thoracotomy and Hannah here is going to pull her hand out. Dr. Grey is going to clamp the bleeder when we have more exposure. (To Hannah) Ready? Hannah: More than ready. Burke: Scalpel. (A nurse hands him a scalpel) (Alex is sprinting down the hallway, breathing hard and entering a stairwell) (George sees Tucker's mobile phone ring but going un-answered) [SCENE_BREAK] (Bailey in her room on her mobile) Bailey: Uh, Tucker Jones you better lying in the street somewhere dead, mister (She starts getting a contraction) because when I get my hands on you (she calls out in pain) I am having your baby here mister! (Alex sprinting up the stairs) (OR with Burke about to cut Mr. Carlson) Burke: Ok, on the count of the 3. One. (Alex running down a hallway. Scene switches back to Burke) Burke: Two. (Alex running. Cut to Burke about an inch away from flesh and from making an incision) (Bailey in her patient room moaning as the contraction passes) (OR as Burke just presses the scalpel against Mr. Carlson's skin. Alex slams open the door breathless) Alex: Dr. Burke? I need to speak with you. Burke (annoyed): I am in surgery, Karev. Alex (insistent): You wanna talk to me sir. (Burke looks at him for a bit before handing the scalpel back to the scrubs nurse. Burke makes his way over to Alex who's standing at the doorway while the OR team including Hannah just look over at the two) Burke: Karev, if you interrupt me in my OR it better be for a good damn reason. Alex (interrupts): Was it through and through? Burke: What? Alex: The wound on James Carlson. Was it through and through. Burke: No, it was just an injury. No exit. Why? (Alex looks resigned) (Hannah and Meredith) Hannah (to Meredith): He's cute. He single? (Meredith just stares at Burke and Alex who are talking in hushed tones. The OR team give each other confused looks. The anesthesiologist Dr. Milton also looks confused) (Burke takes one step back into the OR and Alex half-closes the door watching) Burke: Hannah. Hannah: Yes, Dr. Burke? Burke: What do you feel? Inside of Mr. Carlson. What is your hand touching? Hannah (confused): What do you mean? Burke: Is your hand touching anything hard? Meredith (confused): Hard? Burke: Like metal? HannahHHH: Um, I don't know. (Hannah attempts to move her hand) Burke: Don't move your hand. Just tell me what you feel. Meredith: Dr. Burke, what's going on? Burke: Hannah? Hannah: Um, my finger tips are touching something...kinda hard. (She nods) Yeah, yeah definitely. Dr. Milton: Oh my god! Burke (admonishing tone): Dr. Milton! Hannah (panicky): What? What's wrong? Burke: Hannah, I don't want you to move. Not your hand, not your body. Not an inch. Hannah: Ok you should know your starting to scare me. Burke: Don't be scared. Everything is going to be fine. Dr. Grey could you ah... (He motions with his head for Meredith to come forward. Meredith leaves the table and walks up to him looking very confused) Burke (quietly to Meredith): I want you to walk out of this room. Walk, do not run. Go and tell the charge nurse that we have a code black. Meredith: I'm sorry, code black? Burke: Code black. Tell him that I am sure. And then tell him to call the bomb squad. (Meredith looks concerned and scared) (OR team now including Alex and Meredith standing outside the OR which has now only Burke, Hannah, Dr. Milton and James Carlson) Alex: Can you imagine? What she stick her hand in there for anyway? Meredith: She was trying to save his life. Alex: And now she might die because of it. (Burke opens the door and steps outside) Meredith: What do we do now? Burke: I go back in and wait for the bomb squad. You leave. You all leave. (Most of the team starts leaving but a few stand their ground including Meredith) Alex: Mer, you coming? (Meredith turns and gives him a look) It's your funeral. (He walks off with the others) Meredith: You need a surgical team. Burke: All I need is Dr. Milton to keep him under. I can do the rest myself. (Meredith and 3 other people from the OR team just stand there) burke: Fine. But you wait by the elevator. I don't want anybody in here that doesn't need to be in this OR. When the bomb squad arrives we'll take it from there. Until then Milton and I are doing this alone. Now, go. (They all walk off to stand by the elevator) (Bailey's patient room where Addison is helping Bailey to do some exercises to lessen the pain of her contractions) Bailey: Ok, ok, ok. (The contraction passes) Ah! (George enters) George: 8 minutes apart. Addison: There is no shame in an epidural, Miranda. Bailey: Epidural increases the possibility of a C-section. (George places a suitcase with Bailey's clothes on the bed) Addison: It also decreases pain. Miranda, this is a big baby. It's your first baby and I'm telling you it is not gonna be a short or an easy labor. Bailey: Mmm, I can handle a little pain. No problem. (George opens the door to leave and watches from the doorway. Bailey stands up with the help of Addison and goes to sit on the couch in her room) Bailey: Women all over the world do this at home. Addison: Mmm hmm. Bailey: With nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bucket of hot water. (They both sit down on the couch) George: Well women all over the world also die giving birth at home every single day. (Both Bailey and Addison give George I can't believe you just said that looks) George: I did not just say that. (Addison shakes her head) Bailey: You're supposed to be making yourself useful and finding my husband. George (confused): What? I... Addison (interrupts): He's ah not here. (Bailey looks disbelievingly and George shrugs) Bailey: Oh now he should be here by now! Addison: Ok we're going to go find him. Right, Dr. O'Malley? George: Right. (He leaves. Addison's pager beeps and she does a double take when she sees it) Bailey: What? Addison: Oh nothing. I'll ... I'll be right back. (She leaves the room) (OR where Derek is performing surgery on Tucker. Izzie and Cristina are watching from afar. Derek's pager goes off) Derek: Yang, could you check that? (Cristina moves to check his pager and raises her eyebrows at the pager. She moves to make a phone call) Izzie: How's he doing? Derek: Oh, it's touch and go. I've located the clot. I'm just trying to find the source of the bleeding. Go and find Addison and tell her that he's in worse shape than I thought. (Izzie leaves and Cristina hangs up the phone) Derek: What'd they want? Cristina: They want us to evacuate. Derek: Evacuate? Did they say why? Cristina (questioning tone): Ah no but your pager said 'Code Black'? (Derek looks up startled from the surgery) Derek: You sure they said that? Cristina (nods): Yes. Derek (to himself): Could be a drill. Even if it's not a drill I can't evacuate. I've got an open brain on the table. I'm not leaving Bailey's husband on the table with his skull flap open so (he speaks up louder) if anybody wants to go they should go. Anybody want to evacuate? (They all stand there) Going once. Going twice. Three times. (Nobody leaves) Derek (to Cristina): You're sure they said Code Black? Cristina (nods): Yes. (Elevator where George gets on. Addison is already standing there. Other people are in there looking like they're going home) George: I don't like having to lie to Dr. Bailey. Addison: Now's not the time Dr. O'Malley. George: She'd want to know about her husband. (His pager goes off. The doors begin to close) George: Code Black? What's a 'Code Black?' (Izzie runs to the doors) Izzie: Wait! Hold it! Whoa. (She stops the doors from closing and enters the elevator) Izzie: Dr. Shepherd. The other Dr. Shepherd wanted me to let you know that Tucker's bleed is more extensive than he originally thought. It's gonna be a few more hours before he has anything concrete to tell Dr. Bailey. Addison: Thanks Stevens. (The doors shut and George moves to speak to Izzie) George: What's a 'Code Black'? Izzie: A what? (She moves to look at his pager but her own goes off which she checks) Izzie: 'Code Black'? Code Red, Code Blue, Code White. I've never had a 'Code Black' before. (She looks to Addison) Dr. Shepherd? Addison: Just, just go back to your locker room and wait for your resident to give you instructions. Izzie (now concerned): We don't have a resident. George: What's going on? Izzie: Is it something bad? (The elevator dings and the doors open to reveal chaos on the floor with nurses, doctors and many police officers running around) Addison: Yeah, it's something bad. (OR with Mr. Carlson. Hannah is still there looking very nervous. Dr. Milton is slowly pumping the manual ventilator, an ampoule bag. Burke is standing a few feet away watching) Hannah: So, so I'm touching live unexploded ammunition? Burke: I'm afraid so. Hannah: Huh. Not the greatest feeling in the world. Burke: No. I guess not. Hannah: And he's still out? Dr. Milton: Yeah. Hannah: But he's not hooked up to the machine anymore? Burke: I had Dr. Milton take him of the ventilator. The flow of oxygen posed a danger. The ambu bag is breathing for him now. Hannah: But he can't hear me? Burke (shakes his head): No. (Hannah nods and looks down) Burke: Hannah? Hannah (panicky): What if I just take my hand out really quickly? Burke: We'd have to ask the bomb squad that when they arrive but I'm guessing that would cause the ammo to shift and explode. Hannah (nods teary-eyed): Oh. Burke: Hannah? Hannah: Yeah? Burke: You're hand is keeping Mr. Carlson from bleeding out. You are keeping him alive. Hannah (nods and closes her eyes): Right. And the bomb squad is coming. Burke: The bomb squad is coming. Hannah (nods again even more teary-eyed): Ok. Ok. (Burke nods) (Richard is standing on the stairs nearby a nurses' station. He's giving a meeting to many attendings and residents. Addison walks up to the group with George and Izzie following) Richard: We're having pre-op patients transferred to Mercy West and all trauma re-routed to Seattle Presbyterian. There is no danger to the north, south and west wings of this hospital. Just the east surgical wing. That said anyone who wants to leave can leave. No one stays unless they volunteer to stay, understood? (The group nods) Ok. (The group starts to break up and Richard starts walking off and Addison approaches him with George and Izzie listening but a few feet behind them) Addison: Richard, it's a Code Black? Really? Richard: Yes, I've shut down the OR's. Addison: Wait to trauma? Richard: To everything. Addison: Wait a minute to everything, everything? Richard (stops walking): As of ten minutes ago all the operating rooms at Seattle Grace were completely evacuated with the exception of Dr. Burke's team. Izzie: And Dr. Shepherd's team. Richard: What? (He walks up to Izzie) What do you mean Dr. Shepherd's team? Izzie: They're still in OR two. (Nurse Debbie comes up to them) Debbie: Bomb squad just arrived. Richard: Excuse me. (He leaves) (Bomb squad is coming off the elevator onto the O.R floor lead by a man named Dylan Young) Dylan: You're the surgical team? Meredith: Yes. Dylan: Dylan Young, bomb squad. (to his team) All right spread out and check the area and then we'll secure the patient. (he turns back to Meredith) Where are they? Meredith (points to the OR down the hall): Dr. Burke has them in there. Dylan: Right, the rest of this floor has been evacuated? Meredith: It has. Yes. Dylan: Okay, you stay here. Nobody moves unless I say so. (A bomb squad member calls out) Man: We've got people over here. (Meredith looks confused) Dylan (to Meredith): I thought you said the floor had been evacuated. Meredith: I thought it had. I'm not in charge or anything. (Cristina is yelling at a bomb squad member and blocking him from entering the O.R. Meredith sees this) Meredith: Cristina! Cristina (to the bomb squad guy): Back Up! Meredith: Oh no she will hurt him! Cristina (to Meredith): What's going on? Meredith: Bomb in a body cavity. Cristina: Man. All I got is Bailey's husband's open brain. Meredith: What procedure? Cristina: Craniotomy with Shepherd. Meredith: Shepherd's got Bailey's husband on the table? Dylan: Excuse me. Meredith (they both ignore him): Bailey's having a baby! Dylan (louder): Excuse me! Stop talking! (Cristina and Meredith give each other looks and move away from each other) (Izzie is sitting against the wall in a hallway overlooking the floor below filled with the police and hospital staff. George comes up, sits next to her and hands her half of his sandwich) George: Eat something. Izzie: You knew Meredith and Cristina would be on a floor with a bomb? George: Yeah. Izzie: Is it wrong that we're jealous? It's alright that we're jealous, right? George: The fact that we're jealous because they might blow up and die is not a reflection on our character. It's about feeling useless. Izzie: Ineffectual. George: We couldn't even get Meredith out of bed this morning. We had to call in Cristina. How embarrassing is that? Izzie: You know what I think George? I think Meredith and Cristina are doers. George: They do. They're doers. Izzie: They do and we ... (she sighs) we watch. We're watchers. (They both look pretty down at this. Izzie notices Alex helping out on the floor below) Izzie: We have to become more proactive George. We have to become doers. George: Fight for what we want. Izzie: We have to do. George: Yeah. (Izzie stands up and walks off) Oh you mean ... (he stands up) We are starting right now. Ok. (Izzie is walking down an empty hallway very determinedly. She enters the Doctors' lounge where Alex is in there by himself making a cup of coffee) Izzie: Alex. Alex: How crazy is this. Dude, it's like the apocalypse. Izzie: Alex. Alex: It's true. Look around you. Half the people who are supposed to be saving lives fled the building to save themselves. Bailey's husband almost died coming to see his kid get born. (Izzie moves to speak but Alex keeps talking) The annoying twins are down on the OR floor with a guy who literally might explode in their faces. It's a morgue waiting to happen in here. Just saying people should get while the gets good because they're might not be tomorrow. Izzie: Alex! Alex: What? (Izzie and Alex are in a linen closet making out passionately. They break apart) Izzie: Take off your pants. (She starts taking off her shoes and socks) Alex: Izzie what are you doing? Izzie: I'm being a doer. Getting while the getting's good. Now take off your pants. (She starts removing her top) Alex: Look when I said the apocalypse I meant it metaphorically not literally. (Izzie removes her top leaving her standing in her bra. She takes out her hair from its bun) Izzie: Alex. I haven't had s*x in 8 months and 12 days. I'm horny, I'm half-naked and saying yes. You wanna stand there and talk metaphors or do you wanna literally take of your pants! (Alex nods) Okay. (Alex throws down his pants and stands up eagerly as Izzie removes her bra) (Derek is still operating on Tucker with his O.R team. Dylan stands at the doorway) Dylan: Dr. Shepherd there's an explosive device in the OR next door. I need you to evacuate now. Derek: Yeah and I've got a guy who's brain is exposed on this table. I'm not going to walk away and leave him to die. (to his O.R team) The rest of you can go. (The majority of the OR team leaves but a few stay. Dylan doesn't look very happy) Dylan: You close him up. You do whatever you have to do. The 'Chief of Surgery' has authorized to tell me you cannot stay here. Derek: The 'Chief of Surgery' doesn't scare me. Dr. Bailey scares me. I'm not going to be the one to let her husband die. And that's what would happen if I put his skull flap on in this condition. Bomb or no bomb. Now get out of my OR. (Dylan closes the door) (Bailey is in her room standing up trying to pass off another contraction. Addison comes in) Bailey: Trying to get gravity to do me a favor. I'm 9 centimeters dilated. I need that last centimeter. Addison (distracted): Good. That's ah ... good. (She avoids looking at Bailey. Bailey notices this) Bailey: Dr. Shepherd? Where exactly is my husband? (Addison faces Bailey teary-eyed) Addison: He's with my husband. (Addison gives Bailey the news) (X-ray viewing room where Burke is Dylan looking at x-rays of Mr. Carlson. There's also another bomb squad guy there as well) Dylan: There is no telling how dangerous it is. We need more info. Burke: The longer we wait, the greater the chance he'll bleed out and die. (OR with Hannah and Dr. Milton. They're both wearing flak jackets now. They both seem very scared) Dr. Milton: Pink mist. Hannah: Excuse me? Dr. Milton: That's what the bomb squad calls you when you blow up. Pink mist. I read that somewhere. Bomb goes off and...anyone in range explodes into a billion pieces. You're liquid. There's nothing left. (Hannah does not look happy hearing this) Just flecks of human flesh and blood. Pink mist. Sometimes they don't even find a finger. One minute you're a person, the next ... you're bloody rain. (Milton stares at Hannah for a bit) Dr. Milton (holds out the ambu bag): Here take this. Hannah: What? Dr. Milton: Go ahead. (Hannah takes the ambu bag with her free hand) Now I want you to squeeze it in even beats. Ok? (Hannah begins squeezing the bag) Now not too fast. Not too fast. There you go. (He starts backing out of the O.R slowly and turns to leave. He reaches the door) Hannah: Dr. Milton? Dr. Milton: I've got kids. (Hannah looks shocked as she realizes he's leaving her) Even beats, ok? That's it. (He leaves the OR, leaving Hannah thoroughly scared by herself) (Conference room where Richard is sitting talking to Mindy. Paul is pacing around the room) Mindy: What about my husband? How long can he stay like that with live ammo inside him? Richard: I honestly don't know. Mindy: But you're going to try to save him, right? Richard: We're gonna try. First the bomb squad has to determine the best way to retrieve the device. Paul: I'm sorry, Mindy. I'm so sorry. Mindy: Shut up. We've got 3 kids and you've got him building bazookas! (she turns back to Richard) Oh god. He's gonna die. (She starts crying) Richard: Ah Paul why don't you go with the officer there and answer his questions about the device you guys built. (There is an officer standing at the doorway as is Alex. Mindy sits down) Paul: Oh anything, anything to help. (Paul leaves and Alex comes in) Richard: Uh Karev, why don't we get Mrs. Carlson a cup of coffee. (Alex nods and leaves. Richard pats Mrs. Carlson comfortingly) Mindy: I guess I should look on the bright side. It's not like this can get any worse. I mean this is it ... this is bad as it gets, right? (Richard is silent) (George enters Dr. Bailey's room. Bailey is pacing around. All of her stuff is piled on the table in front of her bed) George: Dr. Bailey, I was just... Dr. Bailey what... Bailey (interrupts): Can someone find me my suitcase? I need my suitcase. I'm going home. George: Dr. Bailey, you're having a baby. Bailey (angry and upset): There's not going to be any baby born today. You hear me? I'm holding it in! (George looks shocked) I'll have him tomorrow. Just not now. Not like this. No! Just, no. (She has another contraction and struggles not to cry) I'm going home. I'm going home right now. (Crying) I can't. I can't do this without my husband. I can't do this alone. (The contraction passes) Ah! Ok, ok, ok. (Cristina and Meredith are standing in the OR hallway watching Dylan and Burke discuss the situation in the x-ray room) Meredith: So how are they going to remove that ammo without killing Hannah and James? (Cristina walks up to the outside of the OR with Hannah and James) Meredith: Cristina! (Meredith walks up to her quickly) The bomb squad guy said you're supposed to stay away from there. Cristina (peers into the O.R through the window on the door): Is it me or is she shaking? (They both look in. They see Hannah shaking and squeezing the ampoule bag) Meredith: Is she squeezing that ambu bag by herself? Cristina: Where is Dr. Milton? (They open the door slowly. Hannah is by herself and is very pale. She's also shaking very badly but still squeezing the bag. She's very nervous and teary-eyed and scared) Meredith: Hannah? (Hannah looks at them) Where's the anesthesiologist? Hannah: He um ... he left. (To herself) He didn't wanna die. (She struggles not to cry and breathes erratically) Meredith: Hannah. Hannah: I think I'm going to take my hand out now. (X-ray room with Burke and Dylan) Dylan: When the hell are people going to learn? Burke: Well it may not be as bad as it seems. Dylan: Her hand is holding that device steady. Burke: Or maybe her hand is simply in there with the ammo. We can't know. Dylan: Well my guys talked to the friend. That device is home made which means it's unstable and very unreliable. It could be a dud but we have no way of knowing. Add that to the fact you've got a surgeon in the OR next door refusing to leave. (Burke looks surprised at that) And a nervous paramedic's hand in the body cavity. Burke: It's definitely as bad as it seems. Dylan: That's what I'm saying. Cristina (calls from the other OR): Hey, somebody help! Help here! (They all sprint from the room and across the hall to the other OR. Dylan and the other bomb squad guy to leave. He and Burke enter the OR. Cristina is now pumping the ambu bag. Meredith is standing next to Hannah trying to comfort her) Hannah (upset): I think I'm going to take it out now. Meredith: Ok we're almost to the finish line. You can do this. Hannah (crying): No, no. No, I just want to take it out and be done with it. Burke: Hannah. It won't be much longer. Remember you're keeping him from bleeding out. Hannah (very upset): No! (gasps) I am 22 years old! I should not even be in here! This is some kind of mistake! Dylan (to Burke): She's panicking. We need to clear the room. Meredith: I'm not leaving. Burke: Grey, let's move! Meredith: I'm not leaving her. Dylan: Get everyone out now Dr. Burke. Burke: She's my intern. I am responsible for her. (Meredith has her hand on Hannah's arm that is inside James. Everyone starts talking at once) Hannah: No, it's gotta come out! It needs to come out! Burke: Yang, go with Dylan! Cristina: You go with Dylan. Meredith: It's alright. Hannah, look at me. Hannah (shakes her head): NO! It's gotta come out. No, NO! Meredith: Hannah, look at me. You can do this. Dylan: Hannah, you need to calm down. You need to relax. Everything's gonna be fine. Hannah (crying): No! Burke: Hannah. Hannah. Meredith: Hannah. You can do this. Hannah: No. It has to come out. Burke: No, you keep it there. Just a little while longer. Hannah (yells): I have to! I have to! (She pulls her hand fast. Burke, Dylan and Cristina all fall to the ground with the arms above there heads. Meredith is still standing. Hannah runs to the door. She opens it and leaves a bloody handprint on the wall as she runs out of the room. Meredith just stares after Hannah. The door closes slowly) (Cristina stands up slowly and sees that Meredith now has her hand inside James Carlson. Burke stands up as well) Cristina (looks shocked and whispers): Meredith. Meredith (to herself): What did I do. Oh, god. (Dylan is standing up as well. Burke moves to go up to Meredith) Dylan: Just stay right where you are. Nobody move. Stay exactly where you are. (Meredith takes in a slow deep breath) Meredith (whispers to herself): What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? (She takes a deep breath) What did I do? (Breathes again) What did I do? What did I do?

Meredith has a feeling and George and Izzie have to call in Cristina to get her out of bed. A paramedic brings in a man with live ammunition in his chest; the paramedic's hand is the only thing preventing an explosion. Bailey goes into labor and Derek and Cristina perform surgery on Bailey's husband who crashed the car on his way in. Izzie initiates things with Alex. When the anesthesiologist leaves the paramedic alone in the O.R., she panics and pulls her hand out of the patient - but Meredith takes her place.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x07

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x07_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Heavy black clouds cover the sky. Lightning flashes. Thunder rumbles as it prepares to rain. [CU: TURNTABLE] (Someone puts the needle on the LP.) Lyric: "Lollypop, lollypop. Oh, lolly, lolly, lolly. Lollypop, lollypop - " (An old woman dabs at her nose with a white handkerchief. She sniffles.) (Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles outside.) (She tucks the handkerchief into the right sweater sleeve.) TOP VIEW DOWN (The woman sits in a chair.) (She opens a cigarette case and removes a single cigarette. She puts the case down in the side-table tray. She picks up a heavy lighter and lights the cigarette between her lips. She breathes deeply.) (She exhales as she puts the heavy lighter aside. She coughs.) (The old woman takes out a bottle of CHERRY HERRING liqueur and uncaps it. She pours herself a glass.) (She sits back and enjoys her cigarette and glass of liqueur as she listens to the music.) (She finishes her glass.) (She picks up the paper and cuts coupons out. She cuts a coupon out and looks at it.) (Thunder rumbles outside.) (She gets up.) [EXT. VIEW] (Through the covered windows, we see the shadow of a figure moving about in the room. The figure's arms are moving about as the person moves to and fro, almost as if they're dancing. The figure's arms bump into the lamp stand, causing it to tilt, but not fall over.) (Finally, the shadow of the figure rushes across the room into the arms of a second shadowy figure that suddenly appears in the room. The two figures move close with each other and appear to sway to the music.) (We move in closer toward the large clear glass windows of the room. The two figures continue to move together across the room.) (Suddenly, the shadowy figure of the old woman moves swiftly from one end of the room and SMASH! -- into the glass window as it breaks. The old woman slumps on the broken shards of glass, over the window frame, hanging partially outside.) FLASH TO: [EXT./INT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - ROOM -- NIGHT] (Penny Garden hangs over the broken picture window frame, shards of glass cutting through her skin. We hear the camera snap and see the lights flash.) (Grissom kneels outside in front of the body as he takes photos of the dead woman.) (Brass is inside the room as he reports to Grissom. Sara walks around the room snapping more photos.) Brass: Her name is Penny Garden. Age 65. Retired cocktail waitress. (Sara holds the camera and snaps a photo of the overturned liqueur bottle, overturned glass and coupons scattered on the floor.) Brass: Been living here since the Rat Pack days. Grissom: She may have served them drinks. Brass: Well, they must have tipped well because twenty years ago, this was a nice neighborhood. Anyway, a guy next door heard a racket, called 911. Down the hallway, there's a spare bedroom. The bed's unmade. So if the vic had a houseguest, they're nowhere to be found, so I'm going to dig around. (Brass walks away.) (Sara continues to snap photos of the room. Grissom notes the windows.) Grissom: Unfortunately, these windows aren't tempered. Sara: Very dangerous if broken. Grissom: And she went through face first. Sara: The door's right here -- I doubt she missed it. Maybe she had some help. INSERT: FLASHBACK (The man in the hooded sweater has his hands around Penny Garden's face and neck as he pulls her toward the window. Penny screams.) END FLASHBACK Sara: Those coupons on the floor on top of the glass suggests they were scattered after the window broke. Grissom: Maybe they went through the room after they killed her. (Sara looks back at the room.) Sara: There's nothing particularly valuable here. (Grissom looks at the dead body in front of him.) Grissom: There used to be. SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. COURTROOM -- DAY] (Greg is looking around the courtroom.) Greg: (V.O.) (faintly) Control, Control, this is CSI Sanders. I need some help. FLASH TO FLASHBACKS [Scenes from 7X04: Fannysmackin'] [EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT] VARIOUS FLASHES (Greg is witnessing a mob go after a man in the alley. One of the hooded attackers turns and looks back at Greg.) Woman: (V.O.) Control, go with the information. GREG: (V.O.) Assault in progress. (The driver's side window smashes and the mob pulls Greg out of the SUV.) (They attack Greg.) Control: (V.O.) How many suspects? Are they armed? Greg: (V.O.) Ma'am, please, they gotta get here quicker than this. (They continue to surround and beat up on Greg.) (The SUV smashes into one of the hooded mob men.) END FLASHBACK (We are in what appears to be a courtroom. Greg is sitting behind the table. Pete Athens: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Pete Athens. I am the coroner of Clark County; I want to thank you all for being here. Coroner inquests go back to medieval times during the reign of Richard I in England. In fact, "coroner" comes from the word "crown." A public inquest was one of the crown's checks and balances on the powers of the sheriff. And today, a thousand years later, it serves the same purpose in our county-checks and balances on the sheriff and for those who work for him. The Honorable Clayton Trueblood will be our hearing master. He's not a judge, but he's going to be more like a, um ... a traffic cop, because an inquest isn't a trial. Judge Clayton Trueblood: We're going to examine the death of Demetrius James. The Assistant District Attorney Valerie Nichols will present the facts in the case, introduce the witnesses and ask them questions. Any member of the jury may also ask questions, either orally or in writing. I understand that there are family members of the deceased present. (He looks out and several people raise their hands. Greg turns to see who.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (Marla James cries over the body of her dead son. Greg looks out the window. Aaron James turns and glares at Greg.) END FLASHBACK Judge Clayton Trueblood: I'm very sorry for your loss, and I want you to know that as what the State calls "interested parties," you may ask questions, too. When all the facts have been presented, the jury will then rule the death in question as either justifiable, excusable or criminal. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT./INT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - ROOM -- NIGHT] (Sara looks at the body draped over the windowsill. She's kneeling outside the house looking at the body while David and the other coroner are inside the house.) Sara: Cut's pretty deep. Let's try and keep her head on while we move her. (She helps David and the coroner remove the body from the windowsill.) David Phillips: On three: one, two, three. (They lift the body. David and the coroner take the body into the house. Sara steps away from the window.) (David and the coroner put the body down on an open bag. Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Hi. (Sara looks up from writing on her clipboard.) Sara: Hi. Catherine: Grissom said you could use some help. What haven't you done? Sara: (grimaces) The rest of the house. (Catherine nods as she turns and leaves the room.) (She walks back through the hallway and looks into one of the rooms. She continues through the hallway and stops at the end room. She looks inside and notes the tubs of poker chips on the table.) (She walks into the room and kneels next to the bed. She picks up a prescription bottle.) (Catherine opens the bedside drawer and finds dozens of prescription bottles inside.) Catherine: (to herself) Hope I die before I get old. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBOR - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Brass talks with the neighbor, Jason Tua. Behind him, a couple of other men sit in lawn chairs drinking beer.) Jason Tua: Man, I was just lampin' in the crib with my boys when all of a sudden, psssh. I thought someone was breaking in next door. Took a look over the fence, old Penny was breaking out. Brass: Did you hear anything? Any voices, yelling, screaming? Jason Tua: (shakes his head) Mm-mm. I don't even think Mrs. Penny could scream. She had, like, a real low, raspy voice. Brass: Yeah. Well, you think that's sexy? Is that the way you roll? Huh? All right, I'll take that for a "no." You see anybody leave the house? Jason Tua: No, sir. Not last night. Brass: Who's she got staying with her? Jason Tua: Don't know his name, but I seen him always going in and out of there. Brass: Describe him. Jason Tua: White dude. Skinny. Always wears jeans and white tees. (Jason sees the coroners wheel out Penny's body on a gurney wrapped in a white sheet.) Jason Tua: Man. I liked that old lady. She made some good vittles and always had an extra stogie if I was out. Brass: This is my card. If you see that white skinny guy, give me a call, will you? All right? (Brass gives him his card.) Jason Tua: Yeah. Brass: All right? Jason Tua: Yeah. (Brass turns and leaves. Jason Tua heads back to his own house.) (Officer Mitchell heads over toward Brass. Brass turns and sees a house nearby with CLOSED CIRCUIT TV.) Brass: You talk to that guy in that house? Officer Mitchell: Been there twice. Still nobody home. Brass: Put someone on his doorstep until he shows. He's got security cameras. I want the video. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] (Sofia is on the stand. ADA Valerie Nichols is questioning her.) Sofia: The first attack that night occurred just after midnight, in the employee parking structure at the Golden Sapphire Hotel. (On the monitor, the location and name of victim appears on the map on screen.) Sofia: A group of youths ranging from teens to early 20s attacked Vasco Ruiz, a hotel dishwasher on his way to his car. (Various photos of the badly beaten victim appear on the screen.) Sofia: He was apparently selected at random. INSERT: FLASHBACKS OF (Vasco Ruiz is beaten by a group of people. They punch and kick him in the face and all over his body.) BACK TO SCENE. Sofia: Mr. Ruiz was found dead at the scene. Valerie Nichols: And what was the mob's next move? Sofia: Approximately thirty minutes after the first attack, not far away, at the Holiday Motel, they attacked their next victim, Jessica Hershbaum. (A second caption pops-up on the monitor map: JESSICA HERSHBAUM, HOLIDAY MOTEL.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (The gang beats Jessica up.) Jessica Hershbaum: Stop it! Stop it! BACK TO SCENE. (Valerie Nichols puts a photo of Jessica's injured face on the monitor. She turns to Sofia.) Valerie Nichols: Now, Miss Hershbaum survived. Sofia: She's alive. But she has physical and emotional scars from the attack that she may never recover from. Valerie Nichols: So when Mr. Sanders was coming to your crime scene, would he have known about these first two swarming attacks? Sofia: Absolutely. CSI was still processing those crime scenes, and then I heard on my radio about another attack- - the third that night -- and that a CSI was one of the victims. (A third caption pops-up on the monitor map: STANLEY TANNER, CASINO CENTER DR. ALLEYWAY.) Valerie Nichols: Is this the location of the third swarming attack? Sofia: Yes. I drove over there immediately. Valerie Nichols: And what did you find? Sofia: Three men, all seriously injured. Stanley Tanner was unconscious, as was Demetrius James and CSI Sanders. (Photos of Demetrius James appear on the monitor.) Sofia: The mob had pulled CSI Sanders from his vehicle and beaten him. (Photos of Greg on the ground appear on the monitor.) Sofia: But it was his intervention that saved Stanley Tanner's life. (One of the male jurors hands a note to the juror next to him. She hands the note to the bailiff. The bailiff hands it over to the judge.) (The judge reads the note.) Judge Clayton Trueblood: While I appreciate your participation in the process here, I don't find this question relevant. (The male juror stands up.) Male Juror 1: Excuse me, Your Honor. The question's quite relevant. Are we just going through the motions here, so it looks like someone actually asked whether or not it's okay to run over black kids in the street? Judge Clayton Trueblood: Do you have a question, sir? Male Juror 1: Yeah. Are you also going to be censoring verbal questions? Judge Clayton Trueblood: Relevance is at my discretion here. Now, please, take your seat. (The male juror sits down, then turns and glares at Greg.) (We hold on Greg.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins goes over the findings for Penny Garden with Grissom.) Robbins: Multiple lacerations on face, neck shoulders. If it weren't for the couple dozen glass fragments I tweezed out, I'd say somebody went to town on her with a straight razor. COD is exsanguinations due to sharp force injury to the jugular-carotid complex, but she was already on her way out. (Robbins shows Grissom the lungs on a metal pan.) Robbins: Cannonballs of tumors on her lungs. Grissom: Man ... her cancer had cancer. I guess she liked smoking more than living, huh? Robbins: Or else she wanted to die with a cigarette in her mouth. Grissom: You know, Catherine found antidepressants, laxatives, acid-reflux meds in her house, but I don't think she found anything for pain. Robbins: I guarantee you, this lady was in pain. She must have been taking something for it. Grissom: Maybe the killer took it with him. Robbins: Well, there's a big market for that stuff now. I'll get her medical records. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Catherine closes the washing machine cover and looks around the kitchen. She finds a piece of glass on the rug near the door.) (Sara steps into the room and finds Catherine down near the rug to look at the glass.) Sara: Did you find something? Catherine: Bloody glass. (Sara snaps a couple of photos.) Sara: The killer on his way out? (Catherine picks up the glass and stands up. Sara toes the door open and slips out of the house.) [EXT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - BACK YARD - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Sara checks outside and finds another piece of bloodied glass on the grass. She snaps a photo of it.) (She continues walking along the back of the sunroom past the open doors and broken window. She turns and sees a peephole cut into the fence. She walks over to it and snaps a photo of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - FRONT - DAY] (Officer Mitchell keeps a skinny man in a white t-shirt and carrying a bag of groceries out of the taped-off area.) Henry Briney: You can't keep me out of there! This is where I live, man! Officer Mitchell: Sorry, son. This is a crime scene. You don't want to be in there. Henry Briney: Look, I just want to see my Auntie Penny. Where is she? (Sara exits the house and heads over toward them.) Officer Mitchell: Calm ... calm down. Henry Briney: I don't want to calm down! Sara: Do you live here? Henry Briney: Yeah, that's what I was just telling this guy. What's going on? Sara: What's your name? Henry Briney: Henry. Henry Briney. Sara: Henry, I'm going to need you to come down to the police station, give us a statement. Henry Briney: For what? Sara: Um ... Sorry to tell you, but your aunt is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] VARIOUS FLASHES OF the mob beating up Stanley Tanner. ADA Valerie Nichols: (V.O.) Mr. Tanner, can you tell us what injuries you sustained as a result of the attack? BACK TO SCENE. (Stanley Tanner is on the stand.) Stanley Tanner: Cuts, some of them pretty bad, mostly on my face. Broke left arm, crushed windpipe, one eye socket cracked, broke right ankle. And I got this headache they tell me might be permanent. ADA Valerie Nichols: Would it be correct to say that while you were being attacked, you felt like your life was in danger? Stanley Tanner: Hell, yeah. Male Juror 1: I have a question. Judge Clayton Trueblood: Go ahead. Male Juror 1: Did you actually see Demetrius James attacking you? Stanley Tanner: Oh, I couldn't tell who was who. I mean, hell, my hands were on my face. I was just trying to stay alive. If Mr. Sanders hadn't shown up just then, I'd have been like that first guy -- dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] (Robbins is on the stand. A photo of a brain is on the monitor as Robbins goes through his testimony.) Robbins: There was a large laceration where Demetrius James' head hit the ground when he fell. Underlying that wound was a fracture of the occipital bone, which crosses at the base of the skull. The motion of the impact caused the brain to collide with the bony protrusions inside the skull, resulting in what we call contra-coup contusions. There was also prominent cerebral edema -- or swelling -- as well as hemorrhages of the brain stem. ADA Valerie Nichols: So your official cause of death was ... ? Robbins: Blunt force trauma to the head following a motor vehicle collision. Male Juror 1: So this was a death at the hands of another? Robbins: Yes. Male Juror 1: And what do you call that kind of death? Robbins: A homicide. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass talks with Henry Briney.) Brass: So where did you go last night? (He puts a ticket stub on the table.) Henry Briney: Movies. Brass: Oh, a ticket stub. That's good. Who'd you go with? You went by yourself? Henry Briney: Who else would I go with? Brass: I don't know. A friend? Henry Briney: No. I don't have friends. Brass: Okay, so the movie ended. You're all by yourself, then what? Henry Briney: I sat in the Keno Lounge all night, hit the grocery store, and then came home to cops. Brass: Why are you staying at your Aunt Penny's? Henry Briney: Because my parents threw me out. Brass: Why would they do that? Henry Briney: Because they don't like me. Brass: Let me see your arms. (Henry shows Brass the scars on the inside of his right arm.) Brass: Are you "booting that good oodgie"? You ever use intravenous drugs? Henry Briney: Not anymore, but I did for a while. Brass: You know, your Aunt Penny had some scrips for some pain medication - Oxycontin, Fentanyl, Methadone. When we searched her house, we didn't find any. Did you take them? Henry Briney: No, I didn't take them. She must have taken them. I don't touch them. I just got out of rehab. Haven't touched a pill, line or needle in six months. Brass: (scoffs) Henry Briney: My parents threw me out, and she took me in. I would not screw her over. Brass: We're going to need to take your clothes and your shoes. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Sara is using the ALS on Henry Briney's clothes. Catherine walks in as Sara turns the ALS off.) Catherine: Any luck? Sara: No. No blood on the nephew's shoes or clothes. Catherine: Drug panel on his urine came back negative. He's clean. Sara: What about Auntie Penny? Catherine: No pain meds in her system either. Sara: We've got a lot of serious drugs that are unaccounted for. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] (Nick is on the stand. A photo of the glass fragments is on the monitor.) Nick: These glass fragments are from the mob breaking out the windows of CSI Sanders' Denali. INSERT: FLASHBACK (The group breaks through the car's back window. They pull Greg out of the car.) Nick: (V.O.) That's how they dragged him out. BACK TO SCENE. (Nick continues. His testimony is interspersed with flashes from 7X04: 'Fannysmackin'.) (On the monitor, he shows a photo of Greg's torn hair and a photo of a rock.) Nick: This is a clump of his hair, torn from his scalp. And that's the rock Demetrius James used as a weapon. Male Juror 1: According to who? This is the first we've even heard that Demetrius James had a weapon. ADA Valerie Nichols: In his report, Mr. Sanders testified to that fact. The rock was found at the scene. Male Juror 1: How do we know the cops didn't plant it there? Judge Clayton Trueblood: Sir, I've warned you. Nick: I'd like to answer that question. Usually, when someone plants a weapon, whoever did it puts it right beside the body -- in this case, the rock was found near the front tire of the Denali. Skid marks suggest it was dropped upon impact. Male Juror 1: A rock against two tons of steel. Nick: No. More like one man against an extremely violent, out-of-control mob. Male Juror 1: What's department policy in a situation like that? Nick: It has always been department policy not to harm innocent civilians. You call for backup, you try to be a good witness, and you stay out of the way. Male Juror 1: So what makes it okay to start running over people? Nick: Well, when those people are wearing masks, running around beating people up. Aaron James: Man, DJ was going to a costume party. Nick: One victim was dead. Another was seriously injured. Another fatality imminent. I'd say the use of deadly force in this case was consistent with department policy, absolutely. ADA Valerie Nichols: Demetrius James was going to finish off the victim with the rock. (Marla and Aaron James surge to their feet.) Marla James: (shouts) You're a liar! AARON JAMES: (shouts) My brother wasn't a killer! ADA Valerie Nichols: Excuse me. Marla James: Demetrius was going to college. ADA Valerie Nichols: Mrs. James! Marla James: He had a 3.6 GPA. ADA Valerie Nichols: We are all very sorry for your loss, but you are not a witness here. (Judge Clayton Trueblood doesn't say anything.) Marla James: (shouts) You didn't know him! AARON JAMES: (shouts) DJ had a future! Marla James: I knew him! We knew him! ADA Valerie Nichols: Judge, can we have some order here? Marla James: You didn't run over a mob, you ran over one boy! My boy! ADA Valerie Nichols: Judge? Judge Clayton Trueblood: Mrs. James' comments give context to the events of the night in question. I'd like to hear what she has to say. (Valerie Nichols sits down. Greg leans over toward her.) Greg: Why is Trueblood letting her do this? ADA Valerie Nichols: It's probably good for his campaign. He's running for Assembly. Greg: Now you tell me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Sara walks into the lab. Archie is reviewing the tapes from the neighbor's security camera.) Sara: Got your page. Surveillance footage from the neighborhood watch guy across the street. Archie: Yeah, he was paranoid, but lazy. He had four security cameras on his house; three of them were cardboard boxes. Homemade security is the worst. Okay, so the nephew comes in and out of the house a couple times during the day. Sara: Yeah? Archie: It's a whole different story next door. Okay, this guy comes out of the house and meets with a different car at least three times an hour. Sara: He's slinging drugs. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass shows Jason Tua a couple of photos of pills.) Brass: We found these in your house. The white one is Carisoprodol. It's a muscle relaxant. Jason Tua: Yeah, I strained my pecs bench pressing. Brass: Oh, yeah. And the blue one is Prevalis. You look a little young to need that. Jason Tua: Well, I've had my share of women. Mr. Johnson's gotten bored over the years, so? Brass: Well, he's going to get really bored in prison. You hope. Jason Tua: What, you gonna bust me for selling Prevalis? Brass: Well, you think a guy in my job doesn't know what goes on in the clubs and in the street? You ever hear of a Las Vegas Cocktail. Jason Tua: I don't drink. Brass: It's a combination of Carisoprodol, Prevalis and very strong painkiller called Fentanyl. Problem is, Fentanyl's hard to get. I mean, doctors don't just give it away. You got to be in really serious pain to get it, like dying of cancer. On the street it's called "perc-a-pop". (Jason Tua shakes his head.) Brass: Now, Penny Garden was prescribed 40 a month. Problem is, we couldn't find any in her house. Jason Tua: So what, you think I stole them? Brass: Yeah, I do. (Quick flashback to: [INT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - NIGHT] Penny sits in her chair clipping coupons when Jason Tua walks in.) Jason Tua: Where are the pops, old lady? Penny Garden: Get out of my house. (He grabs her and pushes her back.) Jason Tua: Where are they? Penny Garden: Back off, bully! Jason Tua: No you won't. (He throws her toward the glass windows. She smashes through the glass.) BACK TO SCENE. Jason Tua: Never. Never, never, never. Look, I told you, I liked the lady. She made me dinner. She lent me smokes, man. Brass: You liked her 'cause she had what you needed. Jason Tua: No, man. No way. (He turns and looks around.) Hey, I need a lawyer in here. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara and Catherine talk.) Sara: So we have a drug dealer and a former drug user, both of which would have motive to steal Penny's drugs. Catherine: Well, there wasn't any trace of Fentanyl in the nephew's system. Sara: He's broke, he's unemployed; maybe he's stealing them from Penny so he can sell them to the neighbor. Catherine: If that's the case, it's motive for both. (They turn the corner and stop at reception.) Henry Briney: (o.s.) Excuse me. (Henry Briney is at reception carrying a large box.) Sara: Hi, Henry. What are you doing here? Henry Briney: Um ... I just found this on my porch -- I opened it and thought I should bring it down to you guys. It's ... pretty creepy. (Sara and Catherine step forward to look inside the box and find an exact miniature replica of Penny Garden's crime scene.) (We hold on Sara.) [SCENE_BREAK] [CU: MINIATURE] (There's broken glass on the grass outside the room and roses just outside the windowsill where the miniature body of Penny Garden hangs partially outside.) (Camera continues over the body and into the miniature crime scene room where furniture is overturned, clipped coupons are strewn on the floor, Chinese take-out containers are on the table. The detail is amazing.) (Camera continues moving through the room, then moves on to the first miniature crime scene with a miniature Izzy Delancy slumped over the kitchen table.) (Camera moves in toward the blood on mini-Izzy Delancy's shoe, then rapidly pulls back and out.) [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (TOP VIEW DOWN. The two miniature crime scenes are side-by-side on the table.) Sara: If one was horrifying ... what is two? (Sara and Grissom look at the two dioramas.) Grissom: Possible serial killer. Sara: I'd say that it takes the nephew and the neighbor off the hook. I doubt either one of them could afford a mini-contractor, anyway. (Grissom picks up one of the small pillows with an image on it. He looks at it under the magnifying glass.) Sara: A bloody doll. Similar to the one in the other miniature. (Sara pulls out the photo and they compare the two.) Grissom: Look at the blood on the doll's forehead. Sara: Same pattern on both. Grissom: Could be two different views of the same subject. Sara: Maybe it's a signature. Grissom: Yeah, but we have no context. It could mean or represent just about anything. Sara: Okay ... again, the miniature suggests that the killer had an intimate familiarity with the victim, home and habits. So what do they have in common? Grissom: Izzy Delancy, 50-year-old white male, washed-up rock star. Penny Garden, cancer-stricken retiree. Sara: Different friends, different family, different social circles. Grissom: Why wasn't this one left at the crime scene like that one? (Grissom picks up the Penny Garden diorama and shakes it. Something rattles.) (He and Sara share a look.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] (Marla and Aaron James stand in front of the courtroom.) Judge Clayton Trueblood: Marla and Aaron James are not sworn witnesses. If they were, they couldn't be in the courtroom during testimony and that would effectively take away their rights as interested parties to question witnesses. So please try to remember that their remarks are not evidence. Go ahead. Marla James: My sons didn't grow up with a father. Barely had a mother on account of me working all the time. They got into trouble. Mostly 'cause of where we live. Aaron here, he got into a whole lot of trouble. Aaron James: And I did my time, too. I did my time, but that wasn't D.J. He was helping me turn my life around. Coached me on my GED. Made me feel like there was a chance for me, you know. (to Greg) Man, you have no idea what you killed when you killed my brother. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE COURTROOM -- DAY] (Reporters record their segments as people mill about.) Reporter 1 (woman): Everyone was moved by the compelling testimony of the victim's mother, Marla James. Her outburst in the courtroom today -- Reporter 2 (man): It wasn't the judge, the jury or the lawyer. Instead it was the mother of Demitrius James that had the courtroom asking did her son behave ... (Greg exits the courtroom and meets up with Sofia at the end of the hallway.) Sofia: Hey. Greg: Nichols was right. This isn't a trial, it's a circus. Sofia: Yeah, I heard. Starring the mother. (She indicates Marla and Aaron James giving an interview with a reporter.) Greg: I feel like I should say something. Sofia: Like what? Greg: I don't know. Sofia: Sorry? You going to apologize to the mother of a guy who beat one man to death and was trying to do the same to you? That's as good as saying you're guilty and setting yourself up for one hell of a civil suit besides. You did nothing wrong. Greg: I just want to be able to sleep again. Sofia: We put ourselves in harm's way every single day and sometimes we pay one hell of a price for surviving it. Other people will never understand that. (Greg again turns and watches Marla and Aaron James giving their interview to a reporter.) Aaron James: No way D.J. was a violent person. Marla James: My son is not a killer. He was trying to stop that killing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom turns the MINI-RAD 3000 X-RAY MACHINE on. It's pointed at the Penny Garden diorama, which appears on the laptop monitor.) (Grissom turns the diorama around and adjusts the lens on the x-ray machine. As he adjusts the image and finds something, he picks up a loose rock on the grass and looks at it.) INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - DAY] (Sara kneels on the grass outside the windows as she takes photos of the rock in front of the bushes lining the wall.) (She puts her camera down and moves the rock aside.) [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (Under the rock, Grissom finds something wrapped in plastic. He picks it up and looks at it.) [EXT. GARDEN RESIDENCE - DAY] (Sara picks up a syringe wrapped in plastic. It's marked FENTANYL 400 MCG.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOMS - DAY] (Nick is at his locker when Warrick walks in.) Warrick: Hey. Nick: Hey. Warrick: How'd it go in there? Nick: I don't know. Warrick: Really? Nick: Yeah. Warrick: You know, I know it was a hardcore situation that Greg ran up on, but you think it ever would have occurred to him to just put it in reverse and get the hell out of there? Nick: Well, that's not the question. What a jury wants to know is did Greg do what any reasonable person would have done under the circumstances. Warrick: I know Greg must have been scared as hell, man. Nick: What can we do to help him? Warrick: We'll put the jury behind the wheel of the car. (Nick smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] VARIOUS CUTS OF NICK AND WARRICK [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Warrick hooks the Denali's black box to the laptop and downloads the information. ENGINE SPEED RPM/100 BRAKE SWITCH CIRCUIT STATUS 100=ON [EXT. ALLEYWAY -- DAY] (Nick uses a hand-drawn layout of the crime scene and is setting up the alleyway, marking the area with cones.) [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Warrick is working on a computerized reenactment of the events of the night.) [EXT. ALLEYWAY -- DAY] (Nick marks two cones - one "DJ" and the other "DENALI".) [EXT. ALLEYWAY -- DAY] (Warrick shows Nick the computer reenactment.) Warrick: All right, the Denali's black box reports only five seconds before impact. Now, Greg was idling with his foot on the brake. And then he accelerated for no more than two seconds. Nick: Yeah, according to the acceleration skid marks, the front end went from there to there with D.J. coming at him. Warrick: Want to give it a go? (Nick nods and heads for the Denali.) Warrick: Take it for a spin? Nick: Yeah. (Nick removes the cone in front of the Denali. He climbs behind the driver's wheel and starts the engine.) (Warrick turns the laptop timer on.) Warrick: You ready? Nick: Ready. Warrick: Go. (Nick presses the gas and heads to the second cone.) Warrick: Stop! (Nick stops the car. Warrick walks over.) Nick: (shakes his head) With this kid running at him the whole time, there's no way Greg could have avoided hitting him. Warrick: You think a jury will see it that way? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COURTHOUSE - BATHROOM -- DAY] (Greg walks into the bathroom and leans against the sink as he looks at himself in the mirror.) (A man exits the stall and leaves.) (Greg runs the faucet, washes his hands and wets his face. The door opens and Aaron James walks in. He lingers in the doorway and watches Greg.) (Greg looks into the mirror, then notices Aaron James standing there.) Aaron James: How tough you feel when you're not in your big SUV, huh? (Greg says nothing. Aaron James walks toward him.) Aaron James: I asked you a question, killer. (Greg turns and looks at him, still saying nothing.) (A man walks in and heads for the faucets. He walks between them.) Man: Excuse me. (Aaron James backs away and leaves. We hold on Greg.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] (Greg is sworn in.) Judge Clayton Trueblood: In the cause now pending before this court, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Greg: I do. Judge Clayton Trueblood: Be seated. (Greg sits down.) ADA Valerie Nichols: All right, let's take a look at the official transcript of your call for backup. ADA Valerie Nichols: 01:54 and 21 seconds, Dispatch Control answers. Would you please read your response. (The transcript appears on the monitor.) Greg: (reads) "Control, Control, this is CSI Sanders. I need some help." ADA Valerie Nichols: You took a couple of seconds to look at the street signs. There's a few more exchanges and then dispatch tells you: "Closest unit has a five minute ETA." Five minutes. Control continues-- "Rolling Code 3. Are they armed?" Please read your response. INSERT: FLASHBACK Greg: I don't know, I don't know. Ma'am, please, listen. They gotta get here quicker than this. Dispatch: Copy that. BACK TO SCENE. ADA Valerie Nichols: What'd you do? Greg: I thought I'd try to break up the mob. I turned into the alley, hit the horn, yelled, anything. ADA Valerie Nichols: Did that stop the beating? Greg: Not entirely. One guy decided not to run away. Instead, he turned around, picked up a rock ... and moved like he was going to finish off the victim. But he turned and started coming at me with it. Aaron James: Oh, come on, that's just his word, man. His word against my brother's word! ADA Valerie Nichols: Mr. James. Aaron James: You know, we can't get his side, now can we? ADA Valerie Nichols: All right. Your Honor? Judge Clayton Trueblood: Ms. Nichols. The man has a right to speak. Marla James: C'mon. Sit down. C'mon. (Marla and Aaron sit down.) ADA Valerie Nichols: At this point, did you fear for your life? Greg: Yes. ADA Valerie Nichols: Did you have a weapon, a gun? Greg: No. ADA Valerie Nichols: What were you thinking when D.J. left Stanley Tanner's unconscious body and ran at you with that rock? Greg: I thought that he could make me his next target. I thought he wanted to kill me. No matter what, I knew that I had to incapacitate him. ADA Valerie Nichols: Now it's taken us several minutes to go through the events of that night. And I'm sure that you've all formed some kind of opinion about what happened. But, right now, let's put ourselves in Mr. Sanders' position. Let's see how much time Greg had to save a man's life. (She runs the computer-generated scenario.) ADA Valerie Nichols: Seconds. Mere seconds. What would you have done? Mr. Sanders, was it your intention to kill Demitrius James? Greg: No. I wish he hadn't come at me. I wish that he had just run away. Judge Clayton Trueblood: Mr. Sanders ... aren't you leaving something out? Greg: I don't think so. Judge Clayton Trueblood: You testified at a criminal trial earlier that day, didn't you? Greg: Yes. Judge Clayton Trueblood: ADA Ulrich must've been pleased with your testimony. She took you to dinner at the Tillerman. I'm looking at a copy of her credit card receipt. How was the sea bass? And the bottle of Pinot Grigio Santa Margherita 2005. How was that? ADA Valerie Nichols: Your Honor ... Greg: I ... wasn't on shift, and I only had ... Judge Clayton Trueblood: Mr. Sanders, I'm sure the jury's wondering, if you hadn't been drinking before going to work, would Demitrius James still be alive? Greg: (clearly) Alcohol wasn't ... a factor. ADA Ulrich insisted on ordering the wine. I drank half a glass. About six ounces. At my weight, 150, that would give me a blood-alcohol content of .02%. Even without food, the alcohol burn-off rate would be .015% per hour ... meaning that there was no alcohol in my bloodstream after ninety minutes, well before I reported for my shift and about ... seven hours before the incident. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - LATE DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 -- DAY] (Sara shows Henry Briney the file folder.) Sara: This is where we found your aunt's Fentanyl, so we know that you didn't take it. (She puts the file folder on the table.) Sara: Which means you've gone from a suspect ... (Camera follows Sara as she walks around the room, then veers off through the wall and into - [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Brass interviews Jason Tua.) BRASS -- to a witness. Now it's up to you to help us find the real killer. If you really cared about Penny, you'll tell us the truth about everything. Jason Tua: So this is off the record? Brass: Yeah. Jason Tua: So I ain't going to jail? Brass: Yeah, what do you want to know? [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Sara continues interviewing Henry Briney.) Sara: Who was Penny hiding her drugs from? Henry Briney: I don't know. Maybe it was me, although I never would've taken them. Or maybe you should ask the guy next door. Jason Tua: No, man, I'd never take those things from her. I buy 'em, 50 bucks a pop. INSERT: FLASHBACK [EXT. FENCE - NIGHT] (Jason Tua knocks on the fence. Fentanyl syringes in plastic wraps are pushed through the hole. He takes the syringes and puts the cash through the hole.) BACK TO SCENE. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Sara: Did you know your aunt was selling her drugs? Henry Briney: Yeah, I had an idea. I figured it was how she was supporting her habit. Sara: Which one? Henry Briney: I guess I should've said "habits." Um, she loved her liqueur, and she loved her cigarettes, but what she really loved was video poker. She liked the sound the coins made when she hit a jackpot. She offered me a couple of bucks a week to keep the house clean, and ... and she paid me in nickels and quarters. Sara: Can you think ... of anyone else that might have known that those drugs were there? Henry Briney: No. I lived with her for a couple of months, and ... and she never had anyone over but me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Grissom is examining the latest miniature crime scene through a scope. He pushes the scope through the room and notices something on the miniature chair.) (Hodges walks in.) Hodges: I know that look. You just figured something out. (Hodges looks at the miniature.) Hodges: This is much better than dead rock star kitchen. The whole al fresco thing? (Grissom looks at Hodges.) Come on, share. (beat) Please? (Grissom hands the scope to Hodges.) Grissom: Look carefully at the back of the doll and at the pillow on the chair. There appears to be remnants of glue on both. Hodges: So the doll was originally glued to the back of the chair. (Grissom studies the chair.) Grissom: I think the killer expected the victim to die in this chair. INSERT: VISUALIZATION (The image of Penny Garden appears in the chair, drinking her liqueur.) (From above, Grissom visualizes what must've happened.) (As Penny Garden sits, the hooded intruder comes up from behind her.) Hodges: Well, if that's the case, then how did the killer expect to ... kill her? (Grissom continues visualizing Penny Garden sitting in the chair, drinking from her glass. The killer is behind her, waiting.) (Grissom reaches down and tries to pick up the miniature liqueur bottle from off the floor. It doesn't move. It's glued there.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. JUDGE TRUEBLOOD'S COURTROOM -- DAY] Judge Clayton Trueblood: I understand the jury has reached a verdict? Woman Juror: We have, Your Honor. (reads) We, the jury in this inquest, find the death of Demitrius James excusable. (The people murmur.) Coroner Pete Athens: Well, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, Judge Trueblood. This inquest is concluded. ADA Valerie Nichols: (mutters under her breath) "Excusa ..." No. (She turns to Greg.) See, "excusable" is a lawful act with no intention to kill. "Justifiable" means that the action was the only alternative. That's what they should have found. Greg: It's okay. I think they may have it right. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTHOUSE - FRONT STEPS -- DAY] (The Male Juror 1 interviews with a reporter.) Male Juror 1: Look, look, I got nothing against Mr. Sanders personally, but all these inquests ever really seem to do is protect the cops. ... (Camera moves past him and we see Greg exit the courthouse. He looks around and we see Judge Trueblood interviewing with another reporter.) Judge Clayton Trueblood: As I've emphasized during my campaign, the public deserves the truth about any death at the hands of law enforcement. (Just behind him, Marla and Aaron James are interviewing with yet another reporter.) Marla James: No, it's not over. We won't get justice till Demetrius -- (Greg continues walking through the crowd. A reporter stops him.) Reporter: Mr. Sanders, Mr. Sanders, do you think the verdict was fair? Was your killing Demitrius James excusable? (Before Greg can respond, a friendly arm wraps around his shoulders. Stanley Tanner appears at his side.) Stanley Tanner: This kid saved my damn life. He is a hero, a genuine hero. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EARLY EVENING] [INT. CSI - LAB -- EVENING] (Hodges removes the Cherry Herring Liqueur bottle from the evidence bag. He takes a sample and processes it.) (He puts it in the machine and switches it on. The machine runs and Hodges takes a moment to dance along with the machine and background music.) (The results print out.) (Hodges smiles and heads out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (The results read: NICOTINE - FATAL LEVEL.) (Grissom shares his findings with Sara.) Grissom: Penny Garden was poisoned with nicotine. Sara: Well, that's not exactly a surprise -- the woman smoked liked a chimney. Grissom: She didn't smoke it. She drank it. Liquid nicotine. Truman Capote used it as a murder weapon in his story, "Hand-Carved Coffins," and our killer put it in Aunt Penny's liqueur bottle. INSERT: FLASHBACK (The killer drops liquid nicotine into the cherry liqueur bottle.) (Penny Garden sits, lights her cigarette and pours herself a drink.) Grissom: (V.O.) A cigarette introduces approximately one milligram of nicotine into the body. The liqueur contained over 60. A dose that massive can induce severe convulsions ... (Penny stands up and starts convulsing. She takes several steps, knocking things over along the way. She coughs and gags.) [EXT. GARDEN'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The shadow moves around the room, till she finally smashes into the window, falling on broken glass on the windowsill.) Grissom: (V.O.) ... and evidently, mess up a meticulously crafted murder. BACK TO SCENE. Grissom: That's why the miniature wasn't at the crime scene. The killer was compelled to fix it, so that it would match what actually happened. VARIOUS FLASHES OF: The killer pulls the miniature Penny doll off the chair and puts it on the windowsill. BACK TO SCENE. Sara: Liquid nicotine is in a lot of smoking cessation products. Grissom: Yeah. Commonly available to just about anyone. Any luck with the vic's calls? Sara: Kind of. I data-mined the home phone numbers of Izzy Delancy and Penny Garden. They actually had ten numbers in common. Information, couple of mail-order catalogs, power company, Moviefone. There's one other number which turned out to be an untraceable disposable cell phone - suggests someone who doesn't want to be found. (Greg appears in the doorway.) Greg: Hey, boss, unless you need me for something, I'm gonna take off. Grissom: Yeah. Take off that suit, too. (Greg turns to leave; Grissom stops him.) Grissom: And Greg ... you did a good job. Greg: I'm glad you think so. (Greg turns and leaves. Sara turns to look at Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PARKING GARAGE] (Greg is on his way to his car. A car engine starts and revs. He looks up and sees Aaron James sitting behind a driver's wheel revving the engine.) (A man walks up to Greg and hands him some papers.) Man: Mr. Sanders, you've been served. (The man leaves. Greg looks at the papers: DISTRICT COURT CLARK COUNTY, NEVADA THE ESTATE OF DEMITRIUS JAMES, PLAINTIFF, VS. GREG SANDERS, AND DOES 1 THROUGH 50, INCLUSIVE AND EACH OF THEM, DEFENDANTS CASE NO. CIV. 11456 COMPLAINT FOR WRONGFUL DEATH (Greg turns around and looks at Aaron James behind the car wheel.) (Aaron James guns the engine and the car surges forward, tires screeching and headed straight toward Greg. Greg steps aside as the car passes him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- NIGHT] (Archie is reviewing security video. Grissom walks in.) Grissom: What is it, Archie? Archie: Oh, hey, Gris. I was just looking at footage from the next-door neighbor's, the night the package was delivered. (Archie runs the video. Someone walks up to the front door.) Archie: Never underestimate the Neighborhood Watch. (Archie enhances the video. The person carries the box to the front door and puts it down.) Archie: I don't see a delivery truck. Grissom: Well, fortunately for us, this was a personal delivery ... right to our front door. (On the video, the person walks away.)

When an elderly woman is murdered, the CSIs look to the neighbor and nephew as possible suspects. Mid-investigation, Grissom receives an exact miniature replica of the current crime scene, changing his thinking on the crime. Meanwhile, Greg faces an angry courtroom when he attends a hearing to ascertain his culpability in the death of a teenager he accidentally killed while defending himself against a mob.

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House of the Rising Son - The Originals Klaus: My siblings and I are the first vampires in all of history, the original family. centuries ago, we helped build a town called New Orleans. Now a plot by witches has lured me back, hoping that I will defeat a tyrant, a vampire I created. My brother hopes I will find redemption through the power of family, a miracle child, part werewolf, part vampire, a hybrid. My sister is doubtful. She thinks I am beyond redemption. Despite my brother's best efforts, I have a plan of my own. I will take back my home and reclaim what was mine. I will be King. Marcel boasts to Klaus his methods for providing fresh blood for his vampires.) Marcel: (voiceover) The city of New Orleans... people of all stripes and flavors from all over the country come here to party on our streets. Some are just looking for fun... some are looking for something a little darker, more dangerous. So, we invite them into my home and we give it to them. (Diego, one of Marcel's vampires, shows a flyer to two tourists, a man and a woman. The flyer is headed by a large, monogrammed 'M', beneath which reads: ABATTOIR WHERE THE PARTY NEVER ENDS They enter the party and get their hands stamped with the same 'M' monogram as the flyer.) Marcel: (voiceover) Then, at the stroke of midnight, everything changes, and it's time to feed. (Marcel leads Klaus around a balcony overlooking the party. They watch as Marcel's vampires feed ravenously on the humans, who scream in terror.) Marcel: This is how I keep my guys happy: the occasional, all-you-can-eat buffet. My night-walkers love it. I've got 'em working hard, trying to earn one of these daylight rings. They deserve to blow off a little steam. My day-walkers, the trusted few - they just like the party. (Klaus notices a crest of some sort engraved on the stone wall below: it includes the 'M' monogram, as well as a coiled serpent. He does not comment on it.) Klaus: It's quite an operation. Tell me - what about the victims? Seems like a lot of graves to dig. Marcel: Can't kill 'em all. Too many folks go missing, tourism drops. So, we heal them with a little vamp blood, erase their memory, send them on their way - no muss, no fuss. Klaus: I'm impressed. Marcel: Nothing I didn't learn from you back in the day. (Thierry, one of Marcel's vampires, approaches the two.) Thierry: Marcel. Marcel: 'Sup, Thierry? Thierry: Six of our guys were killed in a bar outside of the Quarter. Night-walkers. No one saw who. (While Marcel receives this news, Klaus looks away. Cut to Rebekah driving her red convertible; she checks herself in the rearview mirror, wipes a drop of blood off her cheek, smiles and keeps driving.) (TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS) MIKAELSON MANSION - "You have your brother's manners." - "And his temper, too." (Rebekah parks in front of the Mikaelson mansion, leaving a message on her phone as she gets out. Hayley, inside, hears something and walks warily down the stairs.) Rebekah: Elijah, if not answering your phone is part of your clever plan to get me back to this godforsaken city, then well done. I'm here, and I'm worried. Now pick up before I kick in your bloody door. (Rebekah walks up the front steps and opens the door. She walks in as Hayley comes down the stairs, wielding a fire iron.) Hayley: Who the hell are you? Rebekah: Oh, you must be the maid. My bags are in the car - get them, will you? (Hayley, smiling wryly, puts down the iron poker.) Hayley: Hello. Not the maid. Rebekah: Right. You're that werewolf girl my brother, Klaus, knocked up. I was expecting to see some kind of supernatural, miracle baby bump. Guess you're not showing yet. It's Hayley, isn't it? Hayley: You have your brother's manners. Rebekah: And his temper, too, so watch it. Where's Elijah? Hayley: Beats me. He's long gone. Rebekah: What do you mean, "long gone"? Hayley: Well, one minute he was here making epic promises about protecting me in this predicament that a bottle of scotch and some bad decisions got me into - he was all poetic about how we're family - and then Klaus told me he bailed. Guess that's what I get for trusting a vampire. Rebekah: Elijah is not just any vampire, and he doesn't break promises. Which means Niklaus has done something dastardly and Klaus-like. Klaus! Get out here and tell me what you've done with our brother, you narcissistic, back-stabbing w*nk*r! (Klaus opens a pair of doors and enters the room.) Klaus: Enough with all the shouting. Little sister, I should have known. I assume the six dead vampires were your doing? Rebekah: They were very rude. (The shots alternate between Rebekah calmly explaining what happened, and flashbacks to her at a bar, impaling vampires violently with a pool stick.) Rebekah: Trying to victimize a poor, innocent girl just trying to find her way to the Quarter. So sorry, were they friends of yours? Oh, that's right, you don't have any friends. Klaus: I do have friends. I have Marcel. You remember him, don't you? Yes, of course you do. He fancies himself the 'King of the Quarter' now, and he has these rules about killing vampires. It'll be fun to see what sort of punishment he comes up with for you. Rebekah: I don't care about Marcel or his rules. Elijah doesn't welch on deals. What did you do to him? Klaus: Perhaps he's on holiday... or taking a long autumn nap upstairs. Well, go on. Take a look around. You remember this house as well as I. (Rebekah, who had gotten up to leave the room, turns back to Klaus.) Rebekah: I remember everything. FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1820 - "Are we interrupting?" - "Yes." - "No." (Rebekah walks through a doorway into a room filled with people dressed in their finery for some sort of party. They nod at Rebekah as she passes.) Rebekah: (voiceover) I remember how the drunken fool of a governor hid away all of our vampire sins in exchange for gold. I remember the lavish parties the governor threw, as if to impress you. (Rebekah watches Klaus as she leaves the room with two ladies. She then turns her attention to a young man, whom she kisses chastely.) Rebekah: I remember finding a moment of affection with the governor's son, Emil. And I remember that even Elijah was happy. (Upstairs, Elijah kisses a Creole woman while further down the hall Klaus finishes off the ladies he had left with earlier.) Celeste: Your brother. He's gone too far. Elijah: Niklaus, there is no hope for you, is there? (Rebekah joins them, Emil in tow.) Rebekah: Are we interrupting? Klaus: Yes. Elijah: No. Rebekah: Dearest Elijah. You've only ever wished happiness for me. Emil and I are in love. Please, let me turn him. (Klaus chuckles.) Elijah: Rebekah, the governor has graciously agreed to hide a lot of our... indiscretions. It would not do to turn his son into one of us. Rebekah: Please. For me. Klaus: It's not going to happen, Sister. If we turned every man you dropped your knickers for, then human beings would cease to exist and we'd have no bloody food. Emil: How dare you, sir! You would do well to treat - (Klaus grabs Emil by the neck and forcibly walks him down the hallway.) Elijah: Brother - Rebekah: Niklaus! Elijah: Niklaus, wait! Rebekah: NO! (Klaus ignores them and throws Emil off the balcony, whence he falls several storeys and apparently dies instantly. Elijah holds a sobbing Rebekah while Klaus walks off.) NEW ORLEANS - PRESENT DAY - "Oh, and welcome home, little sister." Klaus: Well, he wasn't good enough for you. Rebekah: No one was ever good enough for me, Nik, you made sure of that. Now where is Elijah? (Klaus' phone starts buzzing. He checks it, stands and moves to leave. Rebekah: Where are you going? Klaus: It appears the night is not quite over, yet. I'm off for another drink with Marcel. Rebekah: Elijah told me about your plan to take apart Marcel's empire piece by piece. I don't remember it involving you two drinking New Orleans dry together. Klaus: I know you don't have many friends, Rebekah, but what some friends do when they get together is they drink. And when they drink, they tell secrets. Marcel has somehow found a way to control the entirety of witches in the Quarter, and I aim to uncover the 'how' so I might take it for myself. Finding Elijah didn't make my to-do list today. (Klaus turns and walks to the door, but pauses before he leaves.) Klaus: Oh, and welcome home, little sister. (The door shuts behind him and Rebekah turns on the spot, contemplating what he's said. She sees Hayley sitting on a landing above.) Rebekah: You, wolf girl. I'm going to search this house inch by inch until I find what my evil brother has done to my good one. You're helping. (The girls walk down a spiral staircase.) Rebekah: The governor had lots of secret rooms. I'll show you his favorite. (They arrive in a dusty, cobwebbed cellar room. Hayley spies the coffins that Klaus keeps his siblings daggered in.) Hayley: You think Klaus killed him. Rebekah: We can't be killed, silly girl. That doesn't stop Klaus from finding ways to torture us. He has a set of mystical silver daggers. One in the heart sends us into a deep slumber. Klaus gets his jollies from keeping us in a box, until he decides to pull the dagger out. That must be what he's done to Elijah. This one's mine. Hayley: (incredulously) He keeps your coffin on standby. Rebekah: He likes to be prepared for when his family members inevitably disappoint him. Elijah's isn't here - he must've stashed him elsewhere. Hayley: I feel sick. Rebekah: Welcome to the family, love. You should've run the second you realized Elijah was gone. Hayley: Yeah, well, the witches have put some sort of hex on me. As long as I'm carrying this baby, I can't leave New Orleans. If I do, they kill me. Rebekah: Well, knowing Klaus, he's planning a box for you the second you give birth to whatever's cooking in your tum. I'm leaving as soon as I find Elijah. Being daggered in a box for decades sucks, trust me. You'd best find a way to break that hex and run. (Rebekah goes off to continue her search, leaving Hayley to consider what she's said.) THE FRENCH QUARTER - ROUSSEAU'S - "Trying to scare me?" (Sophie is scrubbing a table inside the restaurant when the door shuts suddenly and she hears the whoosh of a vampire running unseen. She walks cautiously, listening for further sounds.) Sophie: Hello? Seriously, Marcel? Trying to scare me? I had nothing to do with the attack on your guys last night! (Some hanging pots start moving behind Sophie, as though a wind has passed through them, and she turns around. She walks toward them slowly, then grabs a knife, which she lifts in time for Rebekah to appear and grab her raised, knife-wielding arm.) Rebekah: Sophie Deveraux. My brother, Elijah, told me about you. Know who I am? Sophie: Yeah, I know. Rebekah: Then you know we need to talk. THE CEMETERY - "I've been linked, so anything you do to me, you do to Hayley." (Rebekah and Sophie talk while walking among the burial vaults of the cemetery.) Rebekah: So, if I had to guess, knowing Klaus's history, Elijah has a dagger in his chest. It's a magical object, you're a witch. Do a locator spell, locate the dagger, locate Elijah. Sophie: I can't use magic. It's punishable by death - Marcel's rules. Rebekah: Marcel? What do you think I'm going to do to you if you don't give me what I want? Sophie: Not much. I've been linked, so anything you do to me, you do to Hayley. Rebekah: Who? (Sophie gives her a significant look.) Rebekah: Oh, right the mumzy. Well, luckily for you, Elijah seems to care about her, otherwise I'd break your neck right here. How did Marcel get so bloody powerful, anyway? He wasn't like this when I left a hundred years ago. Sophie: Marcel has a way to tell whenever there's magic done in the Quarter. The 'how' isn't relevant. Rebekah: I'll tell you what's not bloody relevant - a coven of witches who can't do magic. Here's an idea: move away. Sophie: We practice ancestral magic. This cemetery is filled with the remains of our witch ancestors. Without access to them, we're powerless. If we run, we're leaving our legacy behind - our home, our family. Rebekah: Well, family's overrated. Look at me. I'm back in a city that's given me nothing but heartache, looking for a brother who's hell-bent on protecting a baby I don't care about. Sophie: I find that hard to believe. You're here, aren't you? Rebekah: I'm here for Elijah. The instant I find him, I'm gone. He was the one who idiotically believed this baby would be Niklaus' redemption. And now he's missing, probably at the hands of Klaus himself. And you were foolish enough to believe that Elijah could convince Klaus to go against Marcel, when everyone knows that they have a history. Sophie: Klaus sired Marcel. I'm aware. Rebekah: You don't understand. Marcel is not just some guy that Klaus turned into a vampire. Klaus loved him like a son. FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1820 - "Perhaps there is hope for our brother, after all." (A funeral procession, all dressed in black, follows behind a horse-drawn carriage.) Rebekah: (voiceover) I was there the day that they met. We were burying Emil, the governor's only son... or so we thought. (A man on a horse whips a young black boy, who screams in pain with each lash.) Rebekah: (voiceover) Turns out the governor had another son, from a mother that he owned. (Klaus steps out of the procession to turn and look at the boy. The boy, having fallen to his knees in pain, grabs an apple off the ground, turns and throws it at the man with the whip, a fierce look of hatred in his eyes. Infuriated, the man winds up for another lashing, but Klaus grabs something off the ground and hurls it with vampire strength at the man; it hits him in the forehead, and he falls off the horse, dead. Rebekah and Elijah watch as Klaus approaches the boy.) Klaus: What is your name? Young Marcel: Don't got one. Mama wouldn't name me till I turned ten, 'case the fever took me... then it took her. (Klaus crouches down before the boy, getting on his level.) Klaus: You're a survivor, and survivors need names. How about Marcellus? Young Marcel: Marcellus? Klaus: It comes from Mars, the god of war, and it means 'little warrior'. (Klaus stands and holds out a hand to the boy, who hesitates, but then smiles, takes it and rises to his feet. Elijah and Rebekah have watched this entire exchange.) Elijah: Perhaps there is hope for our brother, after all. PRESENT DAY - THE CEMETERY - "Who knows what they'll do." Rebekah: Klaus saw himself in the boy. He remembered how our father used to beat him. He, too, was the b*st*rd child of a man who saw him as nothing but a beast. And that is why your plan will fail. All you've done if bring back together two long-lost souls. Without Elijah between them, who knows what they'll do. (Rebekah walks off, while Sophie absorbs what Rebekah has said.) In a bar - "She must be special." (Marcel is sitting in a bar, drinking. Klaus enters.) Klaus: Well, this is a far cry from last night's party. (Klaus sees Cami sitting in the bar, writing.) Klaus: Ah, in pursuit of the bartender from "Rousseau's", I see. Marcel: She's a work in progress. Klaus: And yet here you are, pining over her when you should be eating her for lunch. Oh, she must be special. Marcel: Business first. The coroner called. He's got my number in case any dead tourists show up. Klaus: Let me guess - dead tourists with a stamp on the hand and vampire blood in their veins? Marcel: It happens. Someone takes a drunken tumble off a balcony, or into the Mississippi... And today I got two of them to deal with. (Klaus rises when he hears that Cami is gathering her things and leaving.) Klaus: Excuse me, love. What's that you're studying? Cami: Abnormal psychology. Klaus: Abnormal psychology, well. Perhaps you could help me diagnose my friend over here. He's been a little bit depressed, can't keep his mind off a girl. He tells me she's a queen, fit for a king. I think he should cut his losses and move on. What's your professional opinion? Cami: (to Marcel) Be a nice guy, and maybe the opportunity will present itself some day. Marcel: How about tonight, nine o'clock? I'll meet you right here? Cami: I'll take it under consideration. (She leaves.) Marcel: Mm, harsh. Klaus: I daresay I've lost my touch. Or you've lost yours. (They smile at each other, sipping their drinks.) Hayley buys wolfsbane - "Just a little one." (Hayley walks up to a shop front right when the shopkeeper appears to be leaving.) Hayley: Hey, hey! Katie: We're closed, sorry. Hayley: I just need one teeny, tiny little herb. Please? Katie: Which herb? Hayley: Crushed aconite flower. Katie: Wolfsbane? That's a poison. You're gonna kill a wolf? Hayley: Just a little one. Katie: Give me a minute. (Katie goes back into the shop. After a few seconds she comes back, holding a phial in her hand.) Katie: Cut it with jimson weed. A few drops in some hot tea - that should do it. (Hayley hands her some money.) Hayley: Here. (Katie refuses it.) Katie: It's an ugly town for wolves. You're doing the right thing. (Hayley walks away. Katie picks up her phone and calls someone.) Katie: Hey, wanna gain points? Tell Marcel there's a werewolf in the Quarter. A new nightwalker - "Dealer's choice." (Marcel and Klaus are in a garage.) Klaus: You take me to the nicest places. (Thierry and Diego open the doors of a car. Two people, Tina and Josh, are lying in the car.) Marcel: Welcome to the land of the newly dead. I won't waste your time. (to Thierry) I trust you filled them in? Thierry: To be honest, not much in the way of potential here. Marcel: Yeah, well, I just lost six night-walkers. I got holes to fill. I'll keep this quick. That itch you feel? That's the need to feed coming on strong, a hunger for human blood. Drink it - you're a vampire. Don't - you die. Again. This time for good. Right here in a body bag. (to Klaus) Hey, what do you think, cute dorky girl or gay best friend? Klaus: Dealer's choice. Marcel: Dealer's choice, okay. (Marcel shows them a coin.) Marcel: Whoever picks up this coin gets to live forever. The other one dies. (He lays down the coin between them.) Marcel: Go! (Josh looks to the Tina. She grabs the coin. Marcel laughs.) Marcel: Damn girl! I said, damn! Josh: How could you!? Tina: Get over it, Josh. It's not like I had a choice. You would've done the same thing, but you're such a little - (Marcel kills Tina by breaking her neck.) Marcel: Let her die in cold storage. Got a thing about people who betray their own friends. C'mon. Let's go for a ride. Thierry or Diego: Go! (Rebekah watches from a balcony above as Klaus loads Josh into he car, and Marcel talks on his cell phone. She recalls a memory of Marcel and Klaus.) Flashback - "I'm gonna marry you some day." (Rebekah practices fencing with a young Marcel.) Klaus: Attack au Fer! Now counter-parry. A hit! Palpable hit. Marcel: I'm gonna marry you some day. Rebekah: I would never marry someone who couldn't best me in a duel. Another lesson? (The memory segues into a later memory; Marcel is a grown man now. They duel until Marcel backs Rebekah into a corner. They remove their fencing masks. Marcel is about to kiss Rebekah, when Klaus appears and they step back from each other.) New Orleans - Present day (Rebekah is standing on a balcony. Marcel finds her.) Marcel: Rebekah Mikaelson. Come to teach me another lesson? Last time I saw you, Royal Street was burning and you all were fleeing from the city from your daddy. Rebekah: I thought you were dead. Marcel: You never looked back to find out. Why are you here? Rebekah: Elijah. I think Klaus has done something to him. Marcel: Stop. Stop right there. If there is one thing I learned about you Mikaelsons, it's don't get in the middle of family feuding. Doesn't end well. FLASHBACK - 1830s Marcel: There is nothing going on between us. I swear it, on my life. Klaus: Your life means something to me. Give me the privilege of honesty or that will cease to be the case. Marcel: I like her. And I think it's mutual, but I haven't done anything about it. I wouldn't, not - Klaus: And you won't. I love my sister, but she lacks fortune when it comes to men. They come and go for her, but I am the constant. She's my family. Marcel: You said I was family. I have begged you to turn me into a vampire. Klaus: And I told you, I will turn you when you're ready. You go near Rebekah again, and you never will be. PRESENT DAY Rebekah: Even after all you've achieved, you're still scared of him. Marcel: I'm not scared of anyone. Rebekah: If I find out you know where Elijah is, you needn't fear Klaus - I'll kill you myself. Marcel: Nostalgia's a blast and all, but I can't help you. It was nice seeing you, though. Good luck finding what you're looking for. (Marcel jumps off the balcony.) [SCENE_BREAK] A BAR IN THE QUARTER (Marcel walks into a bar, his eyes searching the place until he spots Klaus sitting at the bar. Klaus: I know that face - woman trouble. Marcel: You're a dick, you know that? Why didn't you tell me your sister's back in town? Klaus: Well, I thought it would be more amusing for you to find out for yourself. Marcel: Is there anything else that I need to know? Klaus: Only that she's grown considerably more insane in the last century. Marcel: Or maybe that it was her who killed my guys? Klaus: Doubtful. Unless that biker bar is frequented by small-town, high school quarterbacks, I can't imagine she'd be interested. (Marcel's phone rings and he answers it. Klaus listens with his vampire hearing.) Marcel: Yeah? Caller: Just got a tip - someone saw a werewolf in Bienville Park. Marcel: Get a couple night-walkers to run it down. Bring me back its head. (He hangs up.) Klaus: Well, I guess that solves the mystery of the murdered riffraff. At least my sister's in the clear. Marcel: About that. I don't have time for Mikaelson family drama. You're my guest - keep your sister in line. (Klaus responds, his voice rising as Marcel leaves.) Klaus: I'd have a greater chance of draining the Mississippi with a straw! BIENVILLE PARK (Hayley sits on a bench, dripping the poison into a cup.) Hayley: (to herself) Come on, Hayley. One upset stomach and all this stupid drama is ancient history. (She lifts the cup toward her face, closes her eyes, then opens them and lowers the cup again without drinking it. She sighs, then hears a branch snap nearby. She stands up, looking around, then turns to find a vampire right in front of her.) Vampire: Dumb move, coming into the Quarter. You're coming with me, wolf. Hayley: I have had it up to here with vampires telling me what to do. (She throws the cup's contents into his face, and he roars in pain. She spins around, only to be faced with two more vampires. Suddenly Rebekah shows up, snaps the neck of one vampire and rips the heart out of the back of the other.) Rebekah: (to the dead vampires) Now, that is no way to treat a pregnant lady. I do hate bad manners. (She throws the heart on the ground. Hayley gapes at her, still in shock.) MIKAELSON MANSION (Klaus throws a final body onto a small pile in the front courtyard while he berates Rebekah and Hayley for their behavior.) Klaus: This is why I told you never to leave the house. Werewolves are banned in the Quarter. I had a plan, and your little nighttime stroll put it all in peril! Leave him! (Rebekah had started walking toward the pile of bodies - one of them was still alive - but at Klaus' last command, she stops.) Klaus: You've done enough, don't you think? Leaving a trail of bodies like a road map to my door? Rebekah: If I hadn't overheard this lot bragging about werewolf heads, everyone here would be screwed. And don't give me that crap about having a plan. You've had all the time in the world to execute a plan, and no one's seen you do a damn thing! Elijah made a deal to protect your child, so that it could save you from your selfish, rotten self. But you obviously don't give a damn about the child or Elijah, because what have you done to honor it? Klaus: I have done everything. Let me spell it out for you, shall I? From the day I arrived, Marcel hasn't trusted me. From Day One, he's had his vampires ingest toxic vervain which, as you know, little sister, protects them from my mind control. (While Klaus explains what he's been doing, the scene cuts to a flashback of Klaus in a bar, where the humans Tina and Josh sit with their hands stamped with the monogrammed 'M'. Klaus snaps their necks.) Klaus: (voiceover) I needed a spy, someone on the inside with me who Marcel would never suspect. So, I created a Day Zero and got there first. Marcel had just lost six vampires, thanks to your little murder spree, and he needed new recruits. So, I made the new one mine, before he'd had even a drop of vervain. (In another brief flashback, Klaus gets into the car with Josh, the new vampire, while Marcel talks outside on his phone. Klaus compels Josh.) Klaus: (to Josh) Now, let's have a little chat about what you can do for me. (present day, to Rebekah) But we all know the real way to a man is through his heart, so... FLASHBACK (In another brief flashback, Klaus talks to Cami at a bar.) Klaus: So, my mate, Marcel. Nice bloke, don't you think? Cami: No. He's charming, sexy, confident, incredibly hot. But let's be honest - he's a bad boy, right? Like you. And right now, I only need good in my life, not someone who's - Klaus: Tragically wounded and damaged by demons he can't escape. Cami: The - damaged ones. They're not good. At least, not for me. (She moves to leave, but Klaus rises and takes her hand.) Klaus: I understand, I do. However - (compelling her) - give him one chance, then I need you to tell me where he goes, and who he sees. PRESENT DAY (Klaus grabs the vampire that's still alive from the pile.) Klaus: And this one - I'm gonna drain him of vervain, compel him to believe his mates found religion and moved to Utah, so that he can explain to Marcel why he lost three more vampires tonight. (He drags the vampire into the house; Rebekah and Hayley follow him inside.) Klaus: Does anyone have any more questions? No? Good, because I have a question. Hayley, what were you doing in the bloody French Quarter in the first place? Answer me! Rebekah: Leave her be. Hayley: You wanna know what I was doing? I was buying poison, so I could put your little baby out of its misery. (Klaus runs at her with vampire speed and pins her to the door by the neck. She gasps for air.) Rebekah: Nik! NIK! (Rebekah runs at Klaus with vampire speed, pushes him off of Hayley and grabs him by the shoulders. Hayley coughs and splutters, massaging her throat.) Rebekah: Keep your hands off her! She is pregnant, for God's sake! All of this bluster about not wanting the child, and then the second she tells you she's ready to get rid of it? It's okay to care. It's okay to want something. That's all Elijah was trying to do, all he's ever wanted for you. All we've ever wanted. (Klaus, calmed down but reeling from being confronted with his feelings, sits down on the stairs. Rebekah sits beside him.) Klaus: I gave Elijah to Marcel. Rebekah: What? Klaus: Marcel was nervous. It's bad enough one Original returned to town, but two? His crew was getting antsy. He wanted Elijah gone, so... I gave him a peace offering. Rebekah: You bartered our brother? Klaus: I have a plan. Gain Marcel's trust, dismantle his empire, honor Elijah's wish that that baby be born. I am executing that plan the only way I know how. If you don't like it, there's the door. See if I care. (Klaus rises and leaves the room. Rebekah leans back, her work cut out for her.) (Later, Rebekah is sitting on the back porch of the house when Hayley comes out and joins her.) Hayley: I know you don't know me very well... but thanks. I appreciate what you did in there. Rebekah: Us girls have got to look out for each other. Hayley: What is it with you two? You say you hate him, but the way you deal with him, it's so clear. Even when you hate him, you still love him. Rebekah: I guess when you spend a thousand years with someone, deciding to quit them is like losing a part of yourself. But sometimes the hate is just... so powerful. Emil wasn't the only boyfriend of mine that Klaus killed. He did it again, and again, and every time I found someone to care about. He just kept doing it until, finally, I stopped falling in love. He said he was protecting me from my mistakes, that no one was ever good enough for his little sister. Until one day, someone was. FLASHBACK - 1830s (Marcel approaches Rebekah in the courtyard where they practice fencing.) Rebekah: How was the river? Marcel: It was cool... sweet. (Rebekah, slightly nervous, rises.) Rebekah: I should go inside - (Marcel blocks her way and moves her so her back is against the wall. Marcel kisses her passionately, and Rebekah seems to enjoy it, but after a moment she pushes him away.) Rebekah: My brother will kill you. Marcel: Then I'll die smiling. (He kisses her again, but suddenly Klaus pulls Marcel off her, shoves him against a wall and shouts at him, fencing sword in hand.) Klaus: Did I not warn you? Rebekah: Klaus, I beg of you! He is not like any other. You saw it in him from the very first day. You saved him, protected him... you raised him. You cannot kill him. (Rebekah lays a hand on Klaus' sword arm, which drops slowly. Marcel sighs in relief as the sword clatters on the ground.) Klaus: You are right. I cannot. (Suddenly, Klaus daggers Rebekah in the heart.) Klaus: But you, dear sister, need a lesson in what you can and cannot take from me. (Marcel watches, horrified, as Rebekah weakens in Klaus' arms.) PRESENT DAY Hayley: If you know Marcel has Elijah, why don't you just get him back yourself? Rebekah: Because, if I cross my brother, there's still a coffin downstairs with my name on it. (Hayley eyes Rebekah for a moment, then reaches down and retrieves something wrapped in cloth. She unfolds it and reveals the two silver daggers.) Rebekah: Oh, my god. Hayley: I found them under your coffin. So, if a couple of antique steak knives were the only things stopping you from getting Elijah back, then here you go. (Hayley offers the daggers to Rebekah, who takes them in slight awe. Finally, she smiles, and Hayley smiles back.) A BAR IN THE FRENCH QUARTER (Marcel brings a bottle of wine to a table and sits with Cami.) Marcel: I sent everyone home for the night. I am your humble host. Cami: Oh... okay. Extra points for flair. Marcel: And the night's just started. What made you decide to come? Cami: Everyone deserves a chance. (Suddenly the doors of the restaurant swing wide open and Rebekah bursts inside.) Rebekah: You lied to me. Where's my brother? Marcel: Hello to you, too. Cami, Rebekah - Rebekah, Cami. Rebekah: I see you still have a thing for blondes. Cami: Hey- (Rebekah grabs Marcel by the neck and vampire speeds him across the room, slamming him against the wall.) Rebekah: Tell me where Elijah is. Cami: What the hell is going on? Rebekah: Tell me where he is or I will kill you! (Marcel merely looks at Rebekah; there is a brief flash of the time they had passionately kissed, as though Marcel has sent the memory to her deliberately.) Marcel: No, you won't. (Slowly, Rebekah backs off, releasing him.) Rebekah: Perhaps you're right. (After a moment's silence, Rebekah vamp-speeds over to Cami and pins her by the throat against the wall.) Rebekah: But I will kill her. Marcel: Let her go. You won. I'll take you to see Elijah. (Rebekah waits another moment, then releases Cami, who gasps for air.) Cami: What the hell are you people? (Marcel gently takes her by the shoulders.) Marcel: Shh, it's okay. (compelling her) Go home, forget all this, and just know that I will make it up to you. I promise. (to Rebekah) You wanna see Elijah? Fine. Follow me. (Rebekah follows him out of the restaurant, leaving Cami alone.) DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOMEdit (Marcel opens the door to an attic and enters, Rebekah following behind him. She sees Elijah's coffin, and moves to enter the room but cannot - she is magically barred entry.) Rebekah: Invite me in. Marcel: Gotta ask the lady of the house. Davina, come on out, sweetheart. (Davina enters the room and stands at Marcel's side.) Marcel: Invite her in. Davina: Come in. (Rebekah enters, strides over to Elijah's coffin and opens it to find her brother inside. She grabs the dagger and starts to pull it out.) Davina: I wouldn't do that. (Rebekah, magically compelled, shoves the dagger back in.) Rebekah: Who the hell are you? Davina: Davina. (to Marcel) She's an old one, isn't she? Marcel: Yeah. Rebekah is an Original, which means she can't be killed. Davina: She doesn't seem very nice. Marcel: She can be... but she hasn't been very nice to me tonight. Davina: (to Rebekah) Then I'm afraid it's time for you to leave. (Without moving a muscle, Davina magically propels Rebekah across the room, slamming her against walls several times before sending her through a door, which shuts behind her.) FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1887 (Rebekah awakens, her hair styled in the 1830s fashion, and sits up in bed. Klaus sits nearby, twirling the silver dagger with its point balanced on a table.) Klaus: Well, it's about time. I was bored waiting... but I did so want to see your face, and it is, indeed, priceless. Rebekah: You b*st*rd. What day is it? Klaus: Sunday. Rebekah: I have been daggered for a whole week? Marcel - what have you done to him? Klaus: It's 1887, Rebekah. You've been daggered for 52 years. Rebekah: What? Klaus: And don't worry about Marcel. I presented him with a choice: he could choose to undagger you and live out the rest of his human days with you, or- Rebekah: No. Klaus: -I could turn him instead, as he's always wanted, in exchange for giving you up. Rebekah: No. He wouldn't do that to me. Klaus: Oh, but he did. (Marcel enters the room bearing a candle. He looks at Rebekah, expressionless, and Rebekah squints her eyes shut, devastated.) NEW ORLEANS, PRESENT DAY (In present day, Rebekah awakens on the same bed as she did in 1887, Marcel standing at the end of it.) Marcel: Welcome back, Rebekah. You were out for quite a while. Rebekah: Where am I? How'd I get here? Marcel: You upset Davina. I'm glad you two finally got to meet. Now you know what you're dealing with. Rebekah: Is this my old room? Marcel: Oh, it's mine now. Just like this town is mine, Davina's mine, and Elijah is mine until I feel like giving him back. What was once yours, what was once your brother's - it's now mine. (He turns and walks toward the door, turning back to Rebekah to say one last thing.) Marcel: And don't ever touch Cami again. MIKAELSON MANSION (It's morning; Klaus enters Hayley's room while she's still sleeping. He watches her for a moment, then reaches into her bag, withdrawing from it the vial of wolfsbane. He opens it and lifts it to his nose to smell, when Hayley speaks.) Hayley: I didn't use it. Klaus: You're awake. Hayley: I could barely sleep all night. This house is like a freaking swamp sauna. (She sits up in bed while Klaus stares out the window.) Klaus: What stopped you? You could have been free of all of this... of me. Hayley: Yeah, well... when I was fighting off those vampires, I - I realized I wasn't just protecting myself. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my birth parents gave me up, and my adopted parents kicked me out. All I know is push came to shove, and... I realized I wouldn't let anyone hurt it. Klaus: I'm beginning to think we're a lot alike, you and I. We're both castoffs who have learned to fight when we're backed into a corner. Hayley: Well, we're backed into a corner now. Klaus: Ah, that we are. It's time to fight... little wolf. (After gently placing a hand on Hayley's shoulder, Klaus backs away and moves to leave.) Hayley: This whole thing with Marcel - the deal you have with the witches, trying to take him down, take what's his - Rebekah told me that you two once loved each other like family. What happened? Klaus: I made Marcel everything that he is. I treated him like a son. And when my father chased me and my family from New Orleans a hundred years ago, we believed Marcel was killed - we each mourned him, in our own way. Yet, when I returned, I found not only had he survived, he had thrived. Instead of seeking us out, instead of sticking together as one, he made a choice to take everything my family had built and make it his own. Now, he is living in our home, he is sleeping in our beds. That 'M' he stamps everywhere... it's not for 'Marcel'. It's for 'Mikaelson'. I want it all back, and if I have to push him out to get it, then that's exactly what I'll do. I'll have someone see to the air conditioning. (Klaus leaves Hayley's room and hurries down the stairs, only to meet Rebekah as she enters the front door.) Rebekah: You were right. The girl, Cami - she's the key. Marcel likes her, and because of that I got to see the secret weapon of his that you've been going on about. Klaus: Well, don't stand on ceremony. What is it? Rebekah: It's not a 'what', it's a 'who'. A girl, Davina. She can't be more than sixteen, and I have never felt power like that. Klaus: A witch. Rebekah: She's not just any witch, she's something I've never seen before, something beyond powerful, and now because of you she has Elijah. Who knows what she could do to him. Klaus: Where is she? (Rebekah stops to think, then looks confounded.) Rebekah: That clever bitch. I don't know. Klaus: What's wrong? Rebekah: She wiped my memory of the location. Marcel possesses a weapon bigger and more powerful than an Original, and you handed our brother to him! How many times will Elijah forgive you? How long until his hope for your redemption finally dies? Klaus: I did what I had to do! Marcel took our home! Rebekah: And our home is worthless without family. I am finding Elijah - whatever it takes. Are you going to help me? Klaus: Whatever it takes. DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM (Marcel enters the attic; Davina is drawing at an easel. She turns when Marcel draws near.) Marcel: I'm sorry about that unpleasantness. Davina: She doesn't scare me. None of them do. Marcel: I didn't think they would, honey. But, the thing is, it seems like they're here to stay. Davina: They don't belong here. Marcel: Might be kinda tough to convince them of that... which is why I need to ask you for a favor. I'm gonna need you to figure out how we kill an Original. (END CREDITS)

When Rebekah arrives in New Orleans at her brother Elijah's insistence, she meets Hayley, who gives her some unexpected news. Concerned that her brother Klaus is up to no good, Rebekah seeks help from a reluctant Sophie At her wits' end, Hayley takes matters into her own hands, but things quickly take a dangerous turn. Determined to uncover Marcel's secret weapon, Klaus stays one step ahead and executes his plan. Meanwhile, after a run-in with Marcel, Rebekah is reminded of all the anger and disappointment Klaus has caused her throughout the years. Finally, Marcel enlists Davina's help in his own dangerous plan.

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CRISIS INTERVENTIONS Haley is at her job. HALEY(Voice-over): Dear Lucas, well, I've been volunteering at a crisis center for a couple of weeks now. I'm struck by the number of people who are struggling in this world. And as much as that saddens me, I'm also humbled by their strength and the courage they display in the face of their struggles. HALEY: Crisis intervention. How can I help? WOMAN: Hi. Is this Haley? HALEY: Y... uh, yes. It is. Hi. It's good to hear your voice. How are you? BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian makes a report about Brooke. BROOKE: I've been better, that's for sure. In high school, my parents lost their fortune and it was difficult. I remember feeling so helpless and thinking, "I want to build something, own something, so this never happens to me." And here I am. JULIAN: Where is here? BROOKE: My company, Clothes Over Bros, declared bankruptcy which would have allowed me to keep the company but our investors would lose all of their money. So I've decided to pay them back... Every penny. But to do that, I have to sell the company... And deplete my personal fortune, as well. JULIAN: You're going to give away your money so that they don't lose theirs? BROOKE: Mm-hmm. JULIAN: And you have no obligation to do this? BROOKE: No. JULIAN: Then why do it? BROOKE: Because it's the right thing to do. JULIAN: I've been asking people this question. It's sort of the point of this documentary. It's a simple question, and I'd like to ask you. What comes next? BROOKE: I don't know. For me... I get to go and visit my mother in prison and tell her that I sold my company. Good times. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn will remove its bandage. JAMIE: Did you do it yet? Did you do it yet? QUINN: No. I told you I'd wait, and I waited. JAMIE: Sweet. It's gonna be so gross. QUINN: It's gonna be totally gross. JAMIE: Come on, chop-chop. QUINN: You know, on second thought, I think I'm just gonna leave it. HALEY: Oh, no, you won't. The doctor said that you have to change the bandages every other day, and it's been three days already. QUINN: Okay, but Clay's probably coming home today. You know, it can be something him and I do together, like a...like a bonding thing. Some couples go bowling. We'll change each other's gunshot wounds. Besides, it feels kind of oozy. JAMIE: Awesome. Let's see it! HALEY: Quinn, I am a mother, and I volunteer at a crisis center. This is a piece of cake for me. Let's go. QUINN: Okay. It's not that bad, right? HALEY: I'm gonna throw up. JAMIE: Passing out here. QUINN: Haley! RIVERCOURT Nathan joins Mouth. NATHAN: Mouth McFadden. Spending a little time in the past? MOUTH: Yeah. I still come out here to think, you know? I miss it. How 'bout you? One last look before camp? NATHAN: Nah. I just came out here to think, too. MOUTH: Anything I can help with? NATHAN: Better be careful, Mouth. The last time you helped me, you got fired, and now you're sitting out here at the Rivercourt looking kind of creepy and stalkerish. MOUTH: This is true. You're on your own this time. Sometimes I wonder if I had to do it all over again, if I would. NATHAN: Yeah. Well, I don't know if I ever told you this, but I respected you so much for refusing to report that story. And I know a lot of other people did, too. MOUTH:Thanks. I just wish one of them owned a TV station now and could hire me. NATHAN: How's that going? MOUTH: Eh, not so good. I have a website where I do this sports podcast, but pretty much the only hits I get are from Millie pretending she's not Millie. NATHAN: Well, for what it's worth, I think the answer is yes. If you had to do it again, you'd do it just like you did the first time... 'Cause that's who you are. And that's a guy we all like and respect. MOUTH: I just wish I was doing better. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan speaks with Jamie. NATHAN: How you doing without your computer and cellphone, Mr. technologically grounded? JAMIE: Fine. Bored. Did you tell Clay yet? NATHAN: Why do you ask? JAMIE: Well, at the risk of losing my Playstation, you avoid things, dad. It's what you do. NATHAN: I do not, you dork. Now come over here. Look... Clay is healing right now. He's recuperating. So I have to be respectful of that. JAMIE: So you didn't told him yet. NATHAN: No. JAMIE: You guys crack me up sometimes, you and mom and Aunt Quinn. You worry about stuff that doesn't really matter. NATHAN: Yeah? Well, you're short. JAMIE: Yeah, but I'm fast, and your back is messed up. NATHAN: You make a good point. Okay, I'll talk to Clay. JAMIE: I wish you were a bobcat, dad, and I know you do, too. And I figure if you're not playing, you must really think it's for the best. And if I can understand that, Clay will, too. PRISON Brooke visits her mom. VICTORIA: "Closed over Bros"? "Closed over Bros"! What the hell is wrong with you? BROOKE: Mom... VICTORIA: I am rotting in a prison! Prison! And you give away my company?! BROOKE: Ohh. VICTORIA: Our company. It's unforgivable. BROOKE: It was the right thing to do. VICTORIA:Screw the right thing to do! I'm in prison! BROOKE: Those people believed in me, mom. VICTORIA: I believed in you, too. Look where that got me. I leave you alone for a few days and you go back to being that stupid girl who follows her heart. I never cared for that version of you. I never will. Don't visit me again. ONE TREE HILL - CREDITS NALEY'S HOUSE Julian arrives inside of the house. JULIAN: Hey, Nate. NATHAN: Hey, man. What's going on? JULIAN: Ah, nothing. Just came from seeing Clay, actually. I wanted to talk to him about the documentary the whole "what comes next?" Theme seems to apply. NATHAN: You didn't say anything about me retiring, did you? JULIAN: No, I figured you hadn't told him yet. NATHAN: Why's that? JULIAN: Jamie says you avoid things. NATHAN: I'm totally gonna take that kid's Playstation. JULIAN: Well, if you do, maybe he could use this. My dad was a lifelong Pirates fan. When I was a kid, he gave me this glove and said it once belonged to Roberto Clemente. It must've killed him that I was such a horrible player. I thought Jamie might like it. NATHAN: Are you sure about this, man? This is probably worth a lot of money. JULIAN: Yeah, but it'll be worth a lot more when Jamie goes pro. Besides, that glove belongs on the hand of someone who loves the game. Me, I used to stand out in right field and chase butterflies. Trust me. The glove respects what I'm doing here. NATHAN: I'm sure it does. It probably didn't respect that you brought it here in a purse, though. JULIAN: That's a man bag. NATHAN: If that's your story. JULIAN: Just take the glove, man. NATHAN: I'm sure he's gonna love it. Thank you. Oh, and as far as your documentary goes, you should consider mouth. Talk about a guy who's starting over. JULIAN: Thanks. I will. Good luck with Clay. NATHAN: Thanks. JULIAN: It is a man bag, by the way. NATHAN: Oh, you mean that purse? HOSPITAL Nathan visits to Clay. NATHAN: Well, well. CLAY: Hey. Check this out. Right-side entrance wound... Right-side exit wound... Right-side kidney transplant. NATHAN: Strong. CLAY: Right. I'm done. NATHAN: Word on the street is you get to go home today. CLAY: Yeah, I think so. NATHAN: Well, I'm here for you, buddy. CLAY: I know, but you shouldn't be. You got to get to camp, man. You have a contract. You have a nice, new contract. And speaking of which, I hope it's not too weird for you, but my former employer is gonna be reppin' you for a little while. NATHAN: I see? Why? CLAY: Because I got shot. And they offered to represent my clients until I was feeling up to it, and I think it's the right thing to do. NATHAN: Aren't you worried about those guys stealing your clients? CLAY: Yeah. But what am I gonna do? I can't represent anyone right now. I can barely eat applesauce. You know, and anyway, if a client's gonna leave, they'll leave. At least I'll always have you... Unless you don't go to camp. NATHAN: Hey, listen, Clay, about that. I know how hard you worked for me to be a bobcat, and that will always mean the world to me. But the doctors say that my back is getting worse. And I've been doing a lot of soul-searching about it. I think it's time for me to stop. CLAY: I'm sorry, Nate. That's got to be really hard for you. NATHAN: Dude, don't say that. CLAY: Why not? NATHAN: Because I've been worried sick about how much this was gonna hurt you. CLAY: Me? Why...because of the new contract? NATHAN: Yes, because of the new contract. CLAY: Nate, you're my best friend and my best client. But your health comes first. Your family comes first. How long have you known this for? NATHAN: About my back? Pretty much since you got shot. CLAY: Ach! You see, this is what you do, man... you avoid things. NATHAN: I do not. CLAY: Yeah, you do. Even Jamie knows it. NATHAN: Yeah. We've established that, thank you. CLAY: You're a warrior, Nate. Man, I'm proud of you. And you're doing the right thing. As a matter of fact, if I'd have known there was any concern about your back, I wouldn't let you play this year. NATHAN: Thank you, Clay. That means a lot. CLAY: Any idea what you're gonna do next? NATHAN: Yeah. I'm gonna help my best friend rehab. CLAY: Did you see me own that applesauce earlier? St-rong! NATHAN: Very strong. BRIDGE Haley joins Brooke. HALEY: Ugh! BROOKE: I thought you weren't coming. HALEY: "Under the bridge"? Really? BROOKE: What? We always came here. HALEY: You and Peyton always came here. I was tutor girl. I wasn't cool "hang out under the bridge" girl. I've been searching under every damn bridge in Tree Hill. The homeless love me by now. BROOKE: Sorry. I turned my phone off. HALEY: We can talk now, Brooke Davis. Crisis intervention. How can I help you? BROOKE: So, I told my mom I'm selling the company... And she yelled at me. HALEY: Your mom always yells at you. BROOKE: Not like this. She was really upset... Like, "no going back" upset. HALEY: Brooke, if your mom hadn't made the choices that she made in the first place, she wouldn't be going to prison, and you wouldn't have to sell your company. This is all her own fault. BROOKE: I know you're right. It's just... After all the success... After all the money... The press, the awards, the celebrity... It's just been about getting my mom to love me... To tell me she's proud of me. That's all it's ever been. HALEY: Yeah. That's all it ever is. (Cellphone rings) HALEY: Hmm. I should really start a crisis hotline for my friends. BROOKE: It's called your phone number. HALEY: Tell me about it. Come on. CLUB TRIC Haley and Brooke joins Mia. HALEY: Mia? MIA: Shh! HALEY: Sorry. What, uh, what's going on? MIA: Don't look at the bar. I said don't look at the bar! HALEY: Okay. Sorry. MIA: Geez! I need you two to be honest with me. Do you think they're sleeping together yet? You can look at the bar now. HALEY: No. No, you're fine. BROOKE: I think they were having s*x before he knew her name. We're talking about Alex. MIA: That's what I thought. So I made this voodoo doll of her. Check it out. HALEY: Okay. So...Here's what we're gonna do. I'm going to book you a show somewhere, anywhere and you're gonna get away for a little while. MIA: Why? HALEY: Because you're going a little crazy. And you, your mother was always a bitch, and you should suck it up and have a drink if it helps. BROOKE: You work at a crisis center? HALEY: Yes, I do. BROOKE: Well, those people are screwed, kind of like Chase, there. I'm sorry. It ju... HALEY: See? Crazy. BROOKE: Come on. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Julian knocks on door. JULIAN: Hey, mouth, I just wanted to talk to you about... MOUTH: Sure, come on in. Do you want a beer or a soda? JULIAN: Uh, no, thanks. I'm good. MOUTH: Do you have any beer or soda? JULIAN: Uh, no. Sorry. MOUTH: That's okay. Have a seat. JULIAN: Actually, I just wanted to talk to you about this documentary... MOUTH: I'd love to. How much does it pay? JULIAN: Well, nothing right now. We're just... MOUTH: Fine, I'm in, under one condition, we start today. JULIAN: Okay, well, I got a couple things I got to go do. MOUTH: Dude, do you know how lonely I've been? I haven't had a couple of things to do in weeks. So how 'bout you just clear your schedule, grab your camera, and let's shoot this bad boy. JULIAN: Listen, mouth, maybe you should think about it. MOUTH: Come on, man. I need this. HOSPITAL Quinn goes to see Clay. QUINN: Hey, gorgeous. CLAY: Hey. QUINN: How you feeling? CLAY: Lucky to be alive. And to be here with you in all of your oozy wonder. QUINN: Oozy? CLAY: I talked to Jamie. QUINN: Oh! Gross. I don't want to talk about it. Sorry I'm not so pretty for you. CLAY: If that's your story. Come here. You know, before you walked in, I was lying here worrying about ISC stealing all my clients. And then I thought..."I'm lying here...Alive." And not just that, but I get to go home and wake up next to you every morning. That's about as close to perfect as it gets. Even on the days when your bullet wound is festering. QUINN: Ew. Oh! "Festering" is a horrible word. I don't want to fester. Gross. CLAY: This is a miracle, Quinn James. Let's try to remember that. QUINN: Okay. But I still don't want to fester. CLAY: I think that's fair. MOUTH'S APARTMENT MOUTH: Okay. I'm coming out. JULIAN: Mouth, I don't need you to tell me when you're coming out. I just need some footage of your everyday life. You know, just act like I'm not here and be natural. MOUTH: Natural. Got it. Okay, here I come. Wow. Big day in the market. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh! Been a little sore from working out. I like to keep in shape, keep everything looking good, feeling good. (Cellphone rings) MOUTH: Excuse me. Hello. CHASE: Dude! I'm surprised you still have a phone. Aren't you homeless yet? MOUTH: Nah, just, uh, just checking my stocks. Kind of crazed. CHASE: If by crazed, you mean lonely, horny, and desperate. Anyway, I was thinking about it, and I want to help you out so I can probably find you a few hours if you're still up for it. MOUTH: It's a job offer. They've been chasing after me for a while. CHASE: It's just bar backing at first, but we'll have a good time, and it'll keep the lights on. What do you say? MOUTH:Well, I appreciate the offer, and I like what you guys are doing over there, but you just need to call my Agent. CHASE: Your Agent? Right. I'm sure he's gonna want his 10% every time you clean the toilets or wipe the puke off the bar. MOUTH: We can negotiate that in good faith. CHASE: Okay. Here's the thing. I know unemployment sometimes leads to crack smoking, and I understand that, but I kind of thought you'd be a little more excited about this. So now I just need to hear you say, "Chase, I'm your bar back," and the job is yours. MOUTH: I can't commit to that right now. (Cellphone beeps) MOUTH: They'll get back to me. Magnum condoms. Well, that's embarrassing. JULIAN: What are you doing? MOUTH: What? JULIAN: The clothes, the hair, the condoms for the larger man. MOUTH: What? You said to act natural. This is who I am. This is how I dress. JULIAN: There's a price tag on the back of your jacket. MOUTH: Yeah. I can't remove it. I got to take it back after we're done. JULIAN: Mouth, this only works if I can film you doing whatever you do on a daily basis. MOUTH: Do you know how boring that's gonna be? JULIAN: Come on. It can't be that bad. Mouth shows what it does of the day, he watches the TV. MAN ON TV: It adheres to the tiniest hairs on your head you know that peach fuzz you always see? It actually thickens hair many, many, many times over. It actually builds on itself, giving you great, great-looking hair. Spray it on. Basically let that dry. JULIAN: You're right. This sucks. PEYTON'S OFFICE Nathan joined Haley at the office. HALEY: Yeah, we're very excited. Okay, great. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Talk soon. Bye. Hi. NATHAN: Do I avoid things? HALEY: You didn't avoid that question. NATHAN: Sorry. Hi, baby. HALEY: Hi. No, I don't think you avoid things. NATHAN: Thank you. That's what said, but apparently I do. Anyway, I talked to Clay. HALEY: Oh, you did kind of avoid that. Was he disappointed? NATHAN:Yeah, for me. You believe that?He was so incredibly gracious, I just guess I should've known he would be. What's going on with you? HALEY: Not much. Just booked a show for Mia in Portland. NATHAN: Oh, nice. You gonna go? HALEY: I don't know. NATHAN: You should go. Pretty soon you're gonna be all cooped up with the pregnancy. You should go have some fun. I'll stay here with the boy and take care of Clay and Quinn. HALEY: Well, maybe I will. One more thing. Come with me. This is a little game I like to call "make any shot and do whatever you want to me." NATHAN: Really? Is my girl frisky? HALEY: Crazy frisky. NATHAN: I like this game. You made me nervous. HALEY: Ooh, look at that. NATHAN: I do like this game. (Mia and Brooke come in) MIA: She's staying! BROOKE: Oh. She's referring to Alex. Looks like she's gonna be in town for a while. HALEY: Well, it's a good thing we're not. You're playing the K-100 festival in Portland. MIA: No, Hales, I have to stay here. HALEY: Why? So you can spy and pout and stab voodoo dolls in the face. I don't think so. Portland. You and me. It'll be fun. Come on, let's go. (Haley and Mia go out) BROOKE: I feel bad for Mia. Alex's powers are strong. I would know. NATHAN: And yet you're the one with the engagement ring. Not bad. BROOKE: Mm. Even if you did get it from Julian. NATHAN: Oh! Hey, you know what sucks? Being the only one who's giving up something that they love. Oh, and being the only one who has a love/hate relationship with their parent who's in prison. Wait a minute, you have one of those, too. BROOKE: Mm. NATHAN: How you doing with that? BROOKE: Not great. NATHAN: Right. Well, something tells me that Julian's gonna be there for you and that you're gonna be just fine. But just in case, we're still here, too. BROOKE: Thanks, Nate. Same. (Cellphone rings) NATHAN: Nathan here. HOSPITAL Nathan comes to see Clay. NATHAN: Tell 'em no. CLAY: Hmm? NATHAN: ISC. They called and said they'll be handling your clients, and I told them I was retiring. CLAY: Did you tell them why? NATHAN: Yeah. I told them all about my back, and you know what they said? CLAY: They said that you should risk it because it's a new contract. NATHAN: Yeah. CLAY: What do you expect, Nate? Those guys are agents. NATHAN: Those guys are douchebags. You're an Agent. I wouldn't let them anywhere near your clients. CLAY: Nate, I can't even get around. NATHAN: Yeah, but I can. Look, you asked me what I was gonna do next. Let me help you. Come on, you can run everything from your beach house. And when you can't, you just show me the ropes and I'll go where you need to be. Clay, you named your agency "fortitude" for a reason. Tell these guys to go screw themselves again. We can do this. No. Right hand. CLUB TRIC Chase comes to see Alex who reads a script. CHASE: What you reading? ALEX: Nothing. I mean, it's a script, but I get sent a lot of scripts, you know? So it's not really a big deal. CHASE: Anything good? ALEX: No, not really. Look, if it bothers you, I won't bring them into work. CHASE: Alex, it's fine. I was just curious. And by the way, you look amazing today. ALEX: Well, you are amazing today. And you kind of were amazing last night. Don't tell the boss about that. MOUTH'S APARTEMENT MOUTH: So, you sure you don't want to stay and hang out? JULIAN: Uh, yeah, the thing is... (knock on door) JULIAN: Thank God. MOUTH: Dude, can you get that? And if they ask for me, say I'm out. No, say I'm at work. The rent's a little past due. (Nathan enters) NATHAN: Hey. Took my advice, huh? JULIAN: Yeah. Thanks a lot. Mouth! MOUTH: Nate. Come on in. What are you doing here? NATHAN: Do you know what fortitude means, mouth? MOUTH: Sure. It means, um... Facing adversity with courage and strength. NATHAN: Well, I'm hoping that's what we're both doing here. JULIAN: Nate, could you just go back out and do all that again? NALEY'S HOUSE Jamie is in the garage, it seeks a ball of baseball. he sees the wheel chair that Nathan had. JAMIE: If I were a baseball, where would I be? Haley sees pensive Jamie in his room. HALEY: What's going on, jim-jam? JAMIE: Nothing. Just thinking about dad and the bobcats. HALEY: Are you sad 'cause he's not playing? JAMIE: Not sad. Just worried. HALEY: What are you worried about? JAMIE: Well, remember the last time when he couldn't play and he was in the wheelchair? Remember how sad he was? HALEY: Yeah. I remember that, but that's not gonna happen again, babe. JAMIE: Why not? HALEY: Because last time, basketball left your dad. And this time, your dad's leaving basketball. We're all gonna be just fine, okay? JAMIE: Okay. HALEY: I can't guarantee Chester's not gonna start drinking. JAMIE: Mom! HALEY: I'm just saying! He was a big fan of the fact your dad was a Bobcat. Come here. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke looks at the preparations of the wedding. BROOKE: Goodbye, sterling-silver wedding gifts. Goodbye, Willy Wonka chocolate fountain. Mm. Goodbye, Kings of Leon singing our first song. Not you. Not yet. JULIAN: You make sad look beautiful, Brooke Davis. What's going on? BROOKE: My mom yelled at me for giving up the company. She called me stupid. JULIAN: Yeah, well, your mom can be a real bitch sometimes. Okay, let me get this straight. Victoria lies about your profits, gets you arrested, then she yells at you for giving up your own money and your own company, a company you built and you love more than anything, to fix her mistake? Do I have that right? So are you gonna tell her how screwed up that is, or am I? PRISON Brooke visits her mother. VICTORIA: I thought I told you not to visit me. BROOKE: I know what you said. And if that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. But before I go, I just need to tell you something. All my life, I've tried to make you proud of me. Every decision I've made, every success, every failure, I've wondered what you will think of me. And I think I've done pretty well. I understand business. I understand what we could do. I also understand what's fair, what's right, and what's honorable. Do I want you to accept this and to support it and to be proud of me for it? Yes. But if you don't, it doesn't matter to me... Maybe for the first time. Oh, that's fine, mother. Roll your eyes. But hear me when I say to you that today was the last time you will ever call me stupid or speak to me the way that you did. I love you, mom. But if you can't accept this, the decision I've made, then I won't visit you, and you are not to visit me, not for my wedding, not ever again. What comes next is up to you. HOSPITAL Clay prepares to leave the hospital. QUINN: Wow. Someone makes standing up look kind of sexy. CLAY: Hey. QUINN: You ready to go? CLAY: Yeah. This is for you. A little birdie told me for some crazy reason, that you were feeling self-conscious about your injuries. I don't know much about fashion, but I do know that no woman alive wears a dress like the one I love. And nothing's ever gonna change that. QUINN: It's amazing. I love it. But I love you even more. CLAY: Well, that's good. Here's what I'm thinking. You put on that dress. I'll get my suit on. And let's get the hell out of here. And we're not leaving in that thing, either. QUINN: You sure? CLAY: Yeah. They wheeled us into this place. We're walking out. QUINN: God, you amaze me, you know that? CLAY: I'm just getting started with you. Clay goes out of hospital, everyone met for its exit. NATHAN: What'd you expect...confetti? CLUB TRIC Chase sees the script of Alex and looks at it. ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Chase awaits explanations on behalf of Alex. CHASE: When's the movie start? ALEX: What movie? CHASE: About "Maggie, the young but hot bartender with eyes that hint at a broken past." ALEX: You read my script. You weren't supposed to read that. CHASE: You weren't supposed to lie about it, either, were you? ALEX: I'm an actress, Chase. You can't get mad at me for taking a movie. CHASE: I'm not. I'm...I'm happy you're taking a movie. You just didn't have to lie about it. ALEX: I didn't. I mean, I didn't mean to. CHASE: Did you know about it before you took the job at Tric? ALEX: Yes. CHASE: Great. ALEX: But it's not like that. They didn't even have financing at first, and it wasn't supposed to start right away, if at all. CHASE: So, when does it start? ALEX: I have to leave next week. Hey. I still have a week. We still have a week. I like you, Chase... More than you know. So can't we just make this next week amazing and then figure it out after that? I'll come back to you. We can make this work. CHASE: I don't think so. No. ALEX: Chase. CHASE: You shouldn't have lied to me, Alex. CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn and Clay return at home. QUINN: How you doing? CLAY: I'm okay... As long as we never leave again. That was a long climb up those stairs. QUINN: Come on. You should get some rest. We're gonna be okay. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley joins Nathan in Jamie's bedroom. He looks at his various shirts of basket. HALEY: Hey. NATHAN: My dad got me into a peewee basketball league when I was 4 years old. I've been playing organized basketball ever since then. And in the back of my mind, I always knew it was gonna come to an end someday. I just -- I didn't know it would end today. HALEY: Yeah. Your son is worried about you. He wants to know that you're gonna be okay without the game. NATHAN: How's his mom doing? HALEY: She's fine. And she knows that her man is gonna be just fine. NATHAN: I will be... Because of you. CLOTHES OVER BROS Haley join Brooke at the store. BROOKE: You look nice. HALEY: Thanks. So do you. Nathan has his press conference. BROOKE: Yeah, me too. Seems like a lot of things are ending. HALEY: Or beginning. Do you remember when you started all this? I remember the day, because we were in our apartment and you were sad about a boy and I told you, "Focus on your talent. Everything else will work itself out." And it did. Well. Now I'm here to tell you the opposite. Don't focus on your work. Focus on your life. You're young and beautiful, and you're in love. You have a wedding to plan. You have an amazing man who loves you. Focus on that on Julian. Everything else will work itself out. BROOKE: Bros over clothes? HALEY: Yeah. Bros over clothes. Come here. CONFERENCE Nathan announces his retirement publicly. NATHAN: Letting go is never easy. As athletes, we have an expiration date, and even if our professional careers are substantial, that expiration date comes pretty early. Sometimes our...our hearts are willing, but our bodies say no. And that happens to be the case with me. Because of this, I'll be leaving the game of basketball. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke organizes her conference. BROOKE: Obviously, there are things I regret, things I would like to take back, things I would change if I could. ALEX'S HOTELROOM Alex leaves Tree Hill to play film. PRISON Victoria looks at the conference of Brooke to the TV. BROOKE(On TV): But we all have to live with the residue of our choices and the consequence of our actions. CONFERENCE NATHAN: I know that some of you may be concerned for me, concerned that I might struggle with the fact that my career has been cut short. As Lou Gehrig said, "today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth." Finally, I won't be taking any questions tonight. Instead, there's a long interview conducted by mouth McFadden at his website, mcfaddensports.com. CLOTHES OVER BROS BROOKE: I won't be taking any questions tonight. But I just want to ensure the investors of my company, now my former company, that you will all be paid back in full 100%. Our mistakes shouldn't cost you a penny, and they won't. People say, "it's just business. Don't take it personally." Well, I think business is as personal as it gets. Just because the system allows it, it doesn't make it right. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan plays baseball with his son. NATHAN(Voice-over): Some people never get to touch their dreams, never get to know what that feels like... MOUTH'S APARTEMENT Mouth looks at the number of visits on his Internet site. NATHAN(Voice-over): Never find that thing they love or get to do it for a living. CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn do not manage to sleep. NATHAN(Voice-over): So, is it a tragedy to have that taken away from you? No. The tragedy would be to lie awake at night, wondering, "what if?" BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian joins Brooke at the living room. BROOKE: I guess we can't have the pine apply cake or the red-velvet cupcakes. JULIAN: I was so proud of you tonight. I am proud of you. And I can't wait to marry you. Come to bed, girl I love. BROOKE(Voice-over): For those of you who believed in me once, I hope you can believe in me again. For now, I say goodbye to this chapter of my life. JAMIE'S BEDROOM Nathan helps Jamie to lie down. NATHAN(Voice-over): So, for now, I say goodbye to this chapter of my life. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke looks at her preparations of the wedding. BROOKE(Voice-over): And I look forward to what comes next. CONFERENCE NATHAN: And I look forward to what comes next. End of the episode.

Victoria disowns Brooke after learning she is selling the company. Meanwhile, Clay leaves the hospital and returns to living at the beach house with Quinn. Nathan offers to help Clay with his business until he can get better and continue to help his clients. Julian begins a new movie project, a documentary inspired by Nathan and his career decisions. This episode is named after a song by The Henry Clay People . Opening theme song performed by Matthew Ryan .

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[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe is sitting on the couch with the Book of Shadows. She is gluing pictures of Cole in the Book of Shadows. She writes Cole's human form on the page. Prue walks in the manor.] Phoebe: Why didn't you invite him in? Prue: Who? Phoebe: Your date. The guy you've been smooching on the porch for the last ten minutes. Prue: Eavesdropping were you? Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life. (Prue walks in the living room.) Prue: Wow, I'd forget about my love life if I were you, lately mine's been rated PG for pretty grim. Phoebe: That's because no one ever makes it through the threshold, Prue. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that. Prue: I am not saving myself for Mr. Right. I mean, Mr Interesting would do, or Mr. Personality, or even Mr. Take-My-Breath-Away. I don't care. Phoebe: Ooh, be careful with the last one. They tend to surprise you in all the wrong ways. (Prue reads the page Phoebe's making.) Prue: Cole likes walks in the park, jazz and fine wine. Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe: Well, Cole's a demon. We write about demons in the Book of Shadows, don't we? Prue: Right, but this kind of stuff? Do you really think that's necessary? Phoebe: Yeah, if it prepares future witches in case he attacks. Absolutely. I mean, the more that they know about Cole, the better chance they have of hurting him before he hurts them. Prue: Do you wanna talk about it? Phoebe: No, there's nothing to talk about. I loved, I lost and now I'm moving on. (They hear an explosion.) Prue: What was that? Phoebe: Piper. (They go into the kitchen.) Prue: Where is she? Phoebe: In the bunker formerly known as the basement. Prue: I thought she was getting a handle on her new powers. Phoebe: Yeah, that was before her new powers got a handle on her. (She knocks on the basement door.) Piper! Piper: What? Phoebe: Are you okay? Piper: I'm fine. The Christmas decorations are not. [Cut to the basement. There is stuff all over the floor.] Prue: Can we come down? Piper: No. Stay away from the door. It's not safe. Phoebe: Piper, that's ridiculous, we're your sisters. [Cut back upstairs.] Phoebe: (to Prue) Maybe we should back up just a little. (They move away from the door. Dogs start barking from outside.) Prue: Geez, who let the dogs out? Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever. Piper: Yes I can. Phoebe: No, you can't. You have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you. Prue: That's right, and-and two sisters who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them. Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there? Prue: Oh. (Kit hisses.) Phoebe: What is going on? (Kit runs through the kitchen knocking over the bin. She runs past Phoebe and Phoebe knocks over some utensils.) Piper: What was that? What happened? Phoebe: Uh, nothing, just relax. It was only Kit, don't blow anything up. Prue: What the hell is going on out there? [Cut to a man's apartment. His little pug dog is looking out the window. It runs over to the man and sits in front of him. It barks. The man is sitting in a chair, flipping through a photo album. He is crying.] Man: Oh, Catherine. Oh, Catherine, my darling. (The dog continues to bark. Glass objects around the house start shaking.) Rusty, stop it. (A strange noise gets louder and louder, and everything in the room shakes. The light bulbs blow and all the glass smashes. The windows smash and in flies a Banshee. She lets out a high-pitched scream. The man blocks his ears. The Banshee moves closer to the man and screams in his face. The man covers his face and blood drips down his face.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe is there writing in the Book of Shadows. Prue walks in.] Prue: Morning. Phoebe: Morning. Prue: Uh, you're not still writing in there about Cole are you? Phoebe: Nope. Prue: Good. Phoebe: I'm actually writing about his demonic half now. (Prue sits down at the table with a cup of coffee and the paper.) Prue: Phoebe, I'm-I'm starting to get a little worried about you. Phoebe: Oh, don't worry about me, worry about Piper. Prue: Why? She still locked in the basement? Phoebe: No, she's locked herself in her bedroom now. Prue: Well, at least somebody's improving. (Prue sees an article in the newspaper.) Huh, looks like we weren't the only ones annoyed by the dogs barking last night. It says that there was a record number of noise complaints. Phoebe: Mm-hmm. Prue: It says here at the exact same time there was a man murdered in our neighbourhood. Phoebe: Do you mind? Prue: No motive, nothing stolen, nothing that suggests how he was killed, lots of shattered glass everywhere. Phoebe: You know this isn't gonna work, you trying to distract me with (Phoebe touches a page in the Book of Shadows and has a premonition. In it, there is a girl in a phone booth. The glass smashes. She covers her face and blood trickles down her face.) Prue: What? Phoebe: I saw a little girl. She couldn't have been any older that fourteen or fifteen. Did you mention something about shattered glass? Prue: Yeah. Phoebe: I think you're right. I think a demon was responsible for that man's death. (She stands up with the Book of Shadows.) And I think I know which one. (Phoebe walks into the living room and puts the book on the chair. She clears the table. Prue walks in.) Prue: Uh, Pheebs, what are you doing? (Phoebe turns the table onto its side.) Phoebe: We'll use the magic to magic spell to summon Cole and then we vanquish him. Prue: Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What makes you think that Cole's responsible? Phoebe: Because I was holding the Belthazor page when I got the premonition. Prue: Uh, okay, but shattered glass, and old man, a teenager? That's not exactly his mo. Phoebe: Then why else would I get the premonition? Prue: I don't know, Phoebe, but I think that you're barking up the wrong demon. Look, I know that he hurt you but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's Phoebe: Prue, I can do this with you or without you. Just please, get the vanquishing potion. Prue: And what if the potion doesn't work? Phoebe: It'll work. It has to. (Phoebe flips through the book and finds the spell.) [Cut to the cave underground. Cole is dressed in a black robe. He is chanting.] Prue, Phoebe: (voice over) Magic forces black and white. (Wind surrounds Cole.) Reaching out through space and light. [Cut to the manor.] Prue, Phoebe: "Be he far or be he near, bring us the demon Belthazor here. [Cut to the cave. Cole is hanging on to a rock.] Cole: No! [Cut to the manor] Prue, Phoebe: Magic forces black and white, reaching out through space and light, be he far or be he near, bring us the demon Belthazor here. (A tunnel of wind appears in the centre of the room.) Phoebe: Here he comes. [Cut to the cave. Cole hangs on to the rock. He changes into Belthazor. The wind disappears. He knocks everything off the table. He bangs on the table, angrily.] [Cut to the manor. The wind tunnel disappears.] Phoebe: Wait a minute, what happened? Why didn't it work? Prue: I don't know. (They walk into the middle of the room.) Phoebe: Damn it! Prue: Uh, alright, we're just gonna have to find the girl another way. Was there anything in your premonition that might help? Phoebe: Dark alley, late at night, phone booth. I mean, there's not much to go on. Prue: Okay, so we'll have to go to the first victims apartment and see if there's anything there. Phoebe: Should we get Piper? Prue: No, let's not put her anymore on edge then she already is. Come on. [Cut to Piper's room. Piper is sitting on the bed meditating. She is listening to a tape.] Woman on tape: Soft in elevation, slow, deep, exhalation. Be at peace in this world. Allow your mind to drift. Slow. (Leo orbs in and scares Piper. She blows up her CD player.) Piper: Leo! You're supposed to knock, not orb. Leo: But I live here. (Piper gets a fire extinguisher and uses it on her CD player.) Piper: Uhh. (She points it at Leo.) Leo: Okay, okay, okay, just relax. Piper: That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my Guru. (Leo moves towards her.) No-no-no. Stay away. I am not safe. Leo: Piper, come on. Piper: No, I mean it. My hands are lethal weapons, and I don't know how to control it and it gets worse every day. Leo: Well, that's normal. It took you a while to learn how to control your freezing power, remember? (He sits down beside her.) Piper: Freezing is one thing, blowing up stuff is another thing all together. Leo: Well, except this time you're not alone. I'm here. Piper: Yeah, but you shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be anywhere near me, it's too dangerous. Leo: Then how are we gonna go on our honeymoon? Piper: We're not gonna go on our honeymoon, we're gonna cancel it. Leo: We are not cancelling our honeymoon. Piper: Well, then tell the Elders to take this power back, I don't want it, I'm not ready for it. Leo: They wouldn't have given it to you if you weren't ready for it. I know that both as your Whitelighter and as your husband. Piper: What if you're wrong? What if I hurt someone? I just, I feel so helpless. Leo: One thing you're not is helpless. You are one of the strongest, most (They lay down on the bed) capable people I have ever known. And don't forget I've been around for a while. Piper: Really? Leo: You can handle this, honey. We can handle it together. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Man's apartment. Prue, Phoebe and an Inspector are there. Prue and Phoebe are looking around.] Inspector: So what kind of specialists are you anyway? Phoebe: Inspector Morris didn't tell you? Inspector: No, he didn't. (Prue sees a photo album on the floor.) Prue: Can I pick this up? Inspector: Sure, Forensics is done here. (Prue picks it up.) Are you those psychics we keep hearing about he was working with? (Phoebe laughs) Phoebe: Psychics. Right, that's a good one. Prue: Is this the victim's wife? Inspector: Yeah. She died a couple of months ago. Sad to say the poor guy never got over it. Prue: Any suspects? Inspector: All we know is whoever did it busted through that window. Although, three stories up, nobody can figure out how. Phoebe: Do you see any scorch marks by where the body was? Prue: No, I don't think there would have been a body if ( the Inspector looks at her) that particular weapon had been used. Inspector: Are you from Arson? Prue: Uh, no, she was just curious of how he died. Inspector: He drowned in his own blood according to the M.E. All his blood vessels just burst. No reason. Are you Feds? Phoebe: Actually, Inspector, we're witches, okay? We actually think a demon might have done this. Probably my ex-boyfriend and if he did do this then we have to find him and vanquish him. Satisfied? Inspector: That's very funny. (He leaves the room.) Prue: Okay, are you out of your mind? Phoebe: Well, it got rid of him didn't it? So what do you think? Prue: Definitely supernatural, but was it Belthazor? [Scene: Cave underground. Cole is there talking to another demon.] Cole: Well, they must have some of the vanquishing potion. Otherwise why try to summon me? Demon: Perhaps the witch who loved you wants you back? Humans can be very forgiving. Cole: Nah, not this human, not after what I did. If I know her. She wants to crucify me, and knowing her is exactly what I want you to help me stop doing. If I have to fully revert to my demonic self, I need to break all ties and remove all doubt. Demon: Transmuting your blood might make you immune to the witches potion, Belthazor. But it won't necessarily make you immune from her pool. Cole: That's alright if she summons me again. Demon: That's not the pool I'm talking about. Your human half will always be vulnerable to that which makes all humans vulnerable. No sorcery can change that. (Cole pulls up his sleeve.) Cole: Then do what you can. (A knife flies off the table into the demon's hand. He cuts Cole's arm. Electricity comes out of the demon's hand, into Cole's wound.) [Cut to the manor. Prue and Phoebe are sitting on the couch looking at the Belthazor page in the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: I'm telling you, it's gotta be Cole. Prue: Phoebe, just because you want it to be him doesn't necessarily make it him. Phoebe: This isn't about me and Cole, this is about what I saw. My premonitions are always directly connected to what I'm touching at the time. Prue: Oh, okay, well, wait a minute. What if the back of your hand was touching (Prue turns the page) this page? Right, a Banshee, and whatever that is. (Leo and Piper comes down the stairs.) Leo: It's a demon who feeds on souls and great pain. Phoebe: (to Piper) Hey, stranger, long time, no see. Piper: Well, like you said, I can't hide forever. Although you guys should be wearing asbestos suits. Prue: Oh, I think we'll risk it. Piper: I just don't want anybody to get hurt. Prue: Well, since you can't freeze us, you probably can't blow us up either. (Piper sits down beside them.) Phoebe: Just keep your hands where we can see them. Prue: Alright, so the Banshee. Leo: Well, they're pretty rare. What they do is hunt for their victims with a high pitched call. Something beyond our range to hear. Prue: Okay, so then how do they find their victims? Phoebe: (reading from the book) By hearing the inner cry by zeroing in on the waves of pain that emanate from the stricken. Leo: Then their call turns into a scream that kills. Prue: Well, that explains the broken blood vessels and the shattered glass. Looks like it's not Cole after all. Piper: So what do we do? Wear earplugs? Phoebe: Uh, there is no spell to vanquish the Banshee but there is one to track a banshee. Okay, so all we need is a designated tracker. [Time lapse. Attic. Prue is standing in a circle of candles. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are there outside of the circle. Piper is holding a piece of paper.] Phoebe: Are you sure about this? Prue: Well, with everything that you and Piper are going through right now, I don't really have much of a choice. Besides, it's just a tracking spell, what's the worst that could happen? Piper: With our history, don't go there. Prue: Yeah, well, it's almost night and that's when the girl in Phoebe's premonition was attacked. So lets just do it. (Piper and Phoebe read from the piece of paper.) Phoebe/Piper: "The piercing cry that feeds on pain, and leaves more sorrow than a gain, shall now be heard by one who seeks, to stop the havoc that it wreaks. (They hear thunder and a bright light surrounds Prue. She disappears.) Phoebe: Prue? Piper: Oh my god. (They look down and Prue has turned into a large white dog.) Prue? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue's room. Phoebe is looking under the bed trying to get Prue out.] Phoebe: Come on, Prue. Come on, come on out. We're still your sisters, you know. (Prue whimpers.) Oh, gee, honey, don't sound so sad, it's gonna be okay. Piper: How? How is this gonna be okay? Phoebe: Hands in your pockets. (Leo walks in.) Piper: What did you find out? Why did the spell backfire? Leo: I don't think it did. Piper: What are you talking about, Leo? Prue is walking around on all fours and barking. If that's not a backfire, then what is? (Prue whimpers.) Phoebe: Shh, you're scaring her. Leo: Alright, all I'm saying is that you guys cast a tracking spell, and since dogs can obviously hear a Banshee's call, what happened makes sense. Prue should be able to track it now. Phoebe: Yeah, if she ever comes out. (She looks under the bed.) Prue, honey, okay, you can't stay under there all night. Okay, if you won't come out for you, will you at least come out for an innocent? We can't save that teenage girl without you. (They wait and Prue finally comes out.) That's a good girl! That's a good girl. Who's a good girl? Piper: Well, at least we know she understands what we're saying. Phoebe: Oh, she's such a pretty dog. Piper: What else did you expect? Leo: A Doberman? (Prue growls and barks at Leo.) Easy. Piper: Oh, honey, watch your orbs. Phoebe: So what do we have to do to get our real sister back? Leo: Once the Banshee is vanquished, the spell should reverse itself. (Prue runs out of the room.) Piper: Well, what if the Banshee doesn't show up until like next year? Then what do we do then? Leo: I don't think you'll have to wait that long. Banshee's have an insatiable appetite for pain. The feed every night. Phoebe: Okay, what do we do once she finds the demon? I mean, there's no vanquishing potion, there's no power of three. (Prue barks and they hear a crash.) Piper: Oh my god, Prue! (They run out of the room.) [Cut downstairs. Prue is chasing Kit around the house. Kit runs up the stairs and Piper, Phoebe and Leo come down the stairs. They stop Prue.] Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue. (Prue growls.) Hi, Kujo, who you growling at? Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the elders and see if they know how to vanquish a Banshee. Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue. Leo: Yeah. Piper: Well, wait a minute, hold it. What if we find the Banshee in the mean time? Leo: Well, you blew up the last demon you fought, didn't you? Piper: Yeah, but I was trying to freeze him. Leo: Just remember what we talked about. Just try and relax. (Leo orbs out.) Piper: I really wish everybody would quit telling me to relax. (Prue runs over to the front door.) Phoebe: What is it? What is it, girl? (They follow her into the foyer.) Piper: Do you think she hears the Banshee? (Prue barks. Phoebe opens the door and Prue runs out.) Piper: Wait. (They grab their coats and follow Prue.) [Time lapse. Phoebe and Piper are standing outside.] Phoebe: This is worse than I thought. Piper: I never imagined anything like this could ever happen to us. Phoebe: All I know is this can't go on much longer. Piper: So what are we gonna do? Phoebe: Rock, paper, scissors? Piper: No way, you already lost. Phoebe: Two out of three. Piper: Na-uh. (Piper hands Phoebe a plastic bag. Prue comes out from behind the bushes.) Phoebe: This is so humiliating. (The dogs down the street start barking. Prue barks.) Piper: Phoebe? Does this mean what I think it means? (Prue runs off. Phoebe drops the plastic bag and they run after Prue.) Phoebe: It means I'm off the hook! I'm off the hook! Piper: Prue, wait! [Cut to an alley. A teenage girl is in phone booth.] Girl: Mum? Dad? Are you there? Pick up please, it's me. Mum? Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry, I never should have went away. I want to come home. (She hears the Banshee's call getting closer.) I don't know. Somewhere in San Francisco. (The Banshee jumps on top of a dumpster and screams. The glass on the phone booth smashes. The Banshee jumps on the ground and lets out a high pitched scream. The girl covers her face. Prue runs around the corner and attacks the Banshee. Piper and Phoebe come around the corner.) Piper: Prue? (Piper goes over to the girl.) It's okay, it's okay. Run, run. (The girl runs away. Prue barks. The Banshee jumps up and Phoebe reaches up and pulls her down. Piper goes over and the Banshee hits her. She lands on some wooden crates. The Banshee screams and faces Phoebe.) Phoebe: Piper, now? (Piper tries to freeze the Banshee but blows up the dumpster. The Banshee falls back. Prue barks. Piper goes over to Phoebe.) Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: I think so, yeah. (The Banshee runs off and Prue follows.) Piper: Prue, no, wait! (The Banshee runs into the street and jumps on a car. She leaps across the street onto another car. Prue runs onto the road. A horn beeps and a car runs into Prue. A man stops and gets out of the car. He goes to Prue.) Man: Oh, God. You stay there, baby. You're alright. Good girl. Shh. Can somebody give me a hand here? It's alright, good girl, good girl. Can somebody help? [Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Piper flips through a phonebook. Phoebe comes in, talking on the phone.] Phoebe: No, Darryl, I realize that you can't put out an APB for a dog, but couldn't you at least ask the other cops to keep an eye out for her? (Listens) Yeah, okay, that would be great. Call Piper's cell if you hear anything. Bye. (She hangs up) Do you think that the animal shelters are even open this late? Piper: They better be because this is a disaster, I am very worried. Phoebe: Well, don't worry, we will find Prue and we will find the Banshee. (Phoebe gets a bottle of water out of the fridge.) At least we saved that girl. Piper: Yeah, and how are we gonna save you? Phoebe: What are you talking about? Piper: I'm talking about how the Banshee zeroed in on you even though I was the one blowing up things. Phoebe: So? Piper: So, the Banshee seeks out people who are in great pain. And apparently it thinks you are. Phoebe: Piper, that's ridiculous. Piper: Phoebe. You are not the first Halliwell to fall in love with a demon and get burned. I know how much that hurts which means I know how much you hurt. But I think you're in denial. Phoebe: Okay. Well, if you'll forgive me, Dr. Laura, I have a different demon to worry about at the moment. (Phoebe starts to leave.) Piper: Wait a minute, where you going? Phoebe: I'm gonna go get the Book of Shadows so we can cast the tracking spell on me. Piper: Wait, huh? You want to turn yourself into a dog too? Phoebe: Do you know a better way to find the Banshee and to find Prue. Piper: No, but Phoebe: Then you will mind your business, and I am going to get the Book of Shadows. (She leaves the kitchen.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe walks in and over to the Book of Shadows. She flips through the book and stops at the Cole/Belthazor page. She stares at it for a moment then picks it up. She sits down on a chair and cries.] [Cut downstairs. Piper is on the phone.] Piper: Well, there isn't any shelter open. This is an emergency. Well, there's gotta be some place. (Leo orbs in.) Never mind. (She hangs up.) We lost Prue. Leo: What? Piper: She ran off after the Banshee attacked. Leo: Wait a minute, you fought the Banshee and you and Phoebe are okay? Piper: Yeah, fine, why? Leo: Because the elders just told me that Banshee's are former witches. Piper: So? Leo: So, the Banshee's scream doesn't kill witches, it turns them into Banshees. [Cut to the attic. Phoebe has stopped crying.] Phoebe: Why, Cole? (Vases and bottles in the room start to shake.) Piper! (She hears the Banshee's call getting closer.) [Cut to downstairs.] Piper: Phoebe? (Piper and Leo run upstairs.) [Cut to the attic. The bottles smash. Then all the windows smash. Phoebe falls on the floor. The Banshee flies through the window and lets out a high pitched scream. Piper and Leo run in. The Banshee goes for Piper but Piper blows her up.] Piper: Huh, shut her up. Leo: Phoebe, you okay? (Phoebe turns into a Banshee.) Piper: Uh-oh. (Phoebe/Banshee pushes Piper and Leo and runs over to the window. She screams.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Leo are there.] Leo: Are you okay? Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog and Phoebe is a Banshee. I am not even in the vicinity of okay. How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? And you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into Banshees thing a little bit earlier. Leo: Honey, just try and relax. Piper: Would you stop telling me to relax! (Piper blows up a sewing machine.) That was Grams' sewing machine! Leo: Well, we don't have time for you to lose it. Piper: Well, too bad because I am losing it, whether we have time for it or not. Leo: Listen to me. We have to save Phoebe before she hurts someone. If she kills just one person, she stays a Banshee forever. Piper: Okay, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect? Leo: We have to find Phoebe. Piper: How, without Prue to track her? Leo: We'll find a way. You can do this, Piper. Piper: No, actually, I can't. See, cause Prue and Phoebe are the super witches and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right. Leo: That's not true. You're just a strong as they are. Piper: I can't do it alone. Leo: You're not alone. We're partners, don't you see that? Piper: I'm sorry, it's just if anything happens to them (They hug.) Leo: Nothing will happen. We won't allow it. Piper: Where do we even begin? Leo: Start by taking a deep breath. That's what your Guru said, right? Piper: Leo, that's not Leo: Shh Close your eyes. (She closes her eyes.) Clear your mind. Listen to your instincts, what are they telling you to do? (Piper opens her eyes.) Piper: I think I know what to do. (Piper runs out of the room.) [Scene: A guy's apartment. Prue is asleep on the couch. She opens her eyes and looks around. The guy is on the phone.] Guy: Are you kidding? I'd love to go but I can't. The vet said someone has to keep an eye on the dog. I have a soft spot for animals. Sue me. No, no tags. Maybe I should write and article about irresponsible pet owners, make them feel like dirt. (Prue moves around on the couch.) Hold it. I've gotta go. (He hangs up and goes over to Prue.) Hey, what are you doing? You're supposed to be resting. (She tries to get off.) No, no, you're not going anywhere. Not until you're better. [Cut to Phoebe/Banshee in a car park. She is lurking behind some cars. A woman walks through the car park. She stops and looks around. The woman gets her keys out and continues walking. She approaches a guy leaning against a car.] Woman: Oh, Ramone. Ramone: I was beginning to think you stood me up. (They hug. Phoebe runs behind a wall and screams.) [Cut to the guy's apartment. Prue is drinking beer from the beer bottle.] Guy: Oh, you like the imported stuff? That's my kind of girl. (Prue gets up and runs over to the door.) What is it? What's the matter? (Prue barks.) Shh, you're gonna wake the neighbours. (Prue barks.) Okay, you want out, I get it. (He opens the door. Prue runs out.) Hey! (He grabs his keys and goes outside.) Come here! [Cut to the Manor. Leo and Piper are walking down the stairs. Piper is carrying the Book of Shadows.] Leo: Piper, think this through, please. Piper: You were the one that told me to trust my instincts. Leo: Yes, that was before you said you were gonna summon Cole, though. Piper: Well, believe me, it was not my first idea. Leo: Well, then what was your first idea? Let's do that instead. Piper: That won't work, this will. Leo: The last time Cole was here he killed a witch, remember? (Piper holds up the potion.) Piper: That is what this if for. Leo: Well, what if he makes his move before you get a chance to vanquish him? Piper: I'll freeze him. Leo: Now you're confident in your powers? Piper: Okay, so maybe I'll blow him up. (They walk into the conservatory.) Leo: But what if he blows us up first? Piper: Well, you're already dead, what's the difference. Leo: The difference is that I don't want you to join me. Piper: Leo, I love you, and it's because of you that I have the courage to even attempt this but we don't have any other options. Now, the Banshee's target people who are in pain, that's why it went after Phoebe, and Cole is the source of Phoebe's pain. So if we can get him to find her and eliminate that pain, then we might be able to get Phoebe back. Leo: Do you really think he'll help us? Piper: Feelings like theirs don't go away. We should know. (Piper turns to the spell in the Book of Shadows.) Magic forces black and white, reaching out through space and light, be he far or be he near, bring us the demon Belthazor here. (A tunnel of wind appears in the room and Cole appears.) Cole: You rang? Piper, not the sister I was expecting. Piper: Phoebe's in trouble. She's been turned into a Banshee. Cole: A Banshee? Well, that's different. Piper: It happened because she was hurting, over you. And I think you're the key to turning her back. Cole: Sorry, I don't do good anymore. Piper: Not even for somebody you love? Cole: Love-d. Past tense. Leo: I think we've heard enough. Piper: Feelings like that don't just die, Cole. Cole: Wrong. They died when Phoebe gave up on me. Now all I can do is return the favour. Piper: You've helped us before, and we've helped you. Cole: Oh, is that what you were doing when you called me this morning. Helping me? Or trying to vanquish me? Leo: Piper, the potion. Piper: Phoebe loves you, Cole. And I know that you love Phoebe. All I'm asking you to do is find her and tell her. Cole: It's over, Piper. In more ways than one. Leo: Throw the potion. Piper: You're right, Cole, it is over. (Piper throws the potion and nothing happens.) Cole: Surprise! (He laughs.) Piper: But Cole: Did you really think that I would come here without magical protection? Question is, do you have any protection for yourself? Leo: Don't threaten her. Cole: I suggest you orb her out of here, Whitelighter, before there's nothing left to orb. (Prue runs in and barks.) Piper: Prue? Cole: Prue? (The house starts to shake.) What's going on? Piper: Phoebe's home. (All the windows smash and Phoebe flies in. She dives on Cole and screams. He changes into Belthazor and shimmers out, taking Phoebe with him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Continued from before. Leo is patting Prue.] Leo: You think she's alright? Piper: No, I don't. Either way, Phoebe's screwed. Leo: No, I mean Prue. She seems kind of down. Piper: Well, she would be. We're about to lose a sister. Leo: I thought you said Cole would never hurt her. Piper: In self defence he would. Did you see her? She was pissed off. On the other hand, if she kills hem then she's a Banshee forever. (Prue runs over to the door.) Oh, this is all my fault. (Prue barks.) She zeroed in on Cole's pain for her, I led her to him. Leo: We found Prue, we will find Phoebe. (Prue continues to bark.) Piper: But how? What if it's too late? Prue would you be quiet. Leo: Maybe you should try scrying. (Prue walks over and pulls on Leo's pants.) Ow, hey! (Prue jumps through the window.) Piper: She hears Phoebe. Hurry, hurry! Go-go-go-go! (They run outside.) [Cut to the mausoleum. Phoebe/Banshee and Belthazor are fighting. Belthazor pushes her across the room. She kicks him and he falls over a crypt. She jumps on him and scratches him. He pushes her off. She screams and Belthazor roars. He grabs her around the neck.] Belthazor: Don't make me kill you. (She pushes him away.) Damn it, Phoebe. (He changes back to Cole.) Cole: I love you. (Phoebe screams.) [Cut outside. Piper and Leo are running, following Prue.] [Cut back to the mausoleum. The banshee changes back into Phoebe.] [Cut back outside. The dog changes back into Prue. Prue holds her hip in pain.] Prue: Ow, ow, ow, ow. Piper: Prue! (Piper and Leo catch up to her.) Prue? You're back! Prue: Ow! Ow, ow, ow, my hip. Piper: What happened? Prue: Oh, I had a little accident. Hey, Leo, not that I'm complaining, but why am I human again? Leo: The spell must've played itself out. Phoebe must not be a Banshee anymore. Piper: So does that mean Phoebe's alive, or ? [Cut back to the mausoleum.] Phoebe: Stay away from me. Just stay away. Cole: Phoebe Phoebe: I don't wanna hear it, Cole. Cole: Yeah, you do. You're not the only one hurting here. We both are. That's why we're drawn into this mess. I tried to deny it too, I tried everything to break my feelings for you, even magic. But nothing works. Phoebe: It doesn't change anything. Cole: No, it doesn't. It doesn't change the fact that I killed a witch. Even if I was tricked into doing it. Phoebe: What do you mean? Cole: Forget it, it doesn't matter. Phoebe: Yeah, well, maybe it matters to me. Cole: Raynor cast a spell. He made me kill her against my will. Phoebe: And why would he do that? Cole: Because he wanted to turn me. And he knew the only way to do that was to destroy the one thing that was keeping me good. He knew that my killing a witch would destroy your faith in me. And he was right. Phoebe: I don't know what to say. (He touches her face.) Cole: There's nothing to say. Like you said, it doesn't change the fact that I did it, or that we'll always love each other. I guess it's a pain we both have to live with. (He shimmers out.) [Cut outside. Leo is trying to sense Phoebe.] Leo: I sense her. Phoebe's alive. Prue: So, Phoebe/Banshee Leo: Is Phoebe, Phoebe. Looks like your plan worked after all. Piper: Yeah, but if she had to vanquish Cole then she's probably not doing very well. Why don't you go get her? (Leo orbs out. Prue scratches her head. Piper touches her hair.) Prue: What are you doing? Piper: I think you've got fleas. Prue: You know what? That's so not funny because I think I do. Piper: I think you do. Prue: Okay. You have no idea how hard it was being a dog, okay. I mean, peeing outside, eating everything and anything and just smelling everything. Piper: Must have been ruff'. No pun intended. Prue: Ha, ha. (Piper giggles.) At least I got to meet a really cute guy. Piper: You met a guy? Prue: Mm-hmm. Piper: As a dog? Prue: Mm-hmm. Piper: How? Prue: Well, he ran me over. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Piper is serving at the bar. Prue and Phoebe are sitting at the bar.] Piper: Here you go. (Serves two beers to some guys.) Thank you. Phoebe: You know, you might wanna raise the drink prices. Piper: Why? (Prue hold up a piece of paper.) Prue: The bill, from the window repair guy. (Piper looks at it.) Piper: Oh, ouch. Phoebe: Yeah, we really keep that guy in business, don't we? (Prue looks around.) Piper: Are you expecting someone? Prue: A certain journalist with an empty fridge and a soft spot for a man's best friend. Phoebe: He hit you, you hit on him, it's only fair. Prue: Hey, how could I resist a guy who put up fliers to find me. (She stands up.) Excuse me. (She walks over to the guy.) Hi. (Prue and the guy walk away.) Piper: It's good to see you out. It's been a while. Phoebe: Yeah, I guess we're both out of hiding. You know, I've been wanting to thank you. Piper: For? Phoebe: Calling Cole. I mean, if you hadn't I'd probably still be screaming. Piper: Yeah, well, nothing like trusting your instincts. Phoebe: I know what you mean. I think I'm gonna act on some of my own. Piper: Do I even wanna ask? Phoebe: I think I made a mistake giving up on Cole. I now know why he did what he did. Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: He loves me, which means that there's still good in him. I can bring him back. I know I can. (Phoebe walks away.)

Phoebe has a premonition of a young woman being killed by a demon in a phone booth whilst adding on to the Belthazor section of the Book of Shadows, thus causing her to think Cole is responsible. However, the sisters realize that this murder does not follow Cole's pattern. Piper learns that it is actually the demon on the reverse page that's responsible; a Banshee . The sisters then cast a spell to track down the banshee which turns Prue into a dog, but Prue gets hit by a car. The driver takes her home to care for her, thus taking her out of the action. When the banshee attacks the Halliwell manor she surprises Phoebe in the attic and, sensing her immense pain, which is what the banshee feeds on, over Cole's betrayal, screams at her. It is later discovered that although this scream would kill mortals, it has a very different effect on witches: it turns them into a banshee too. Piper blows the Banshee up but it is too late, Phoebe has already turned into a banshee. Leo warns Piper that if Phoebe kills, she will stay a banshee forever.

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Gossip Girl : According To The Catholic Church, Mortal Sin Can Only Be Absolved Through The Sacred Act Of Confession, But It Looks Like A Certain W.A.S.P. Princess Has Recently Found Herself Desperately In Need Of A Little Unburdening. And Who Is The Man Upstairs To Discriminate? [IN THE CHURCH] Blair : Forgive Me, Father, For I Have Sinned. It's Been... A While Since My Last Confession. For Exactly 20 Minutes, I... Succumbed To Inebriation, The Priest : What Troubles You, My Child? Blair : After Being Broken Up With My Boyfriend For Exactly 20 Minutes, I... Succumbed To Inebriation, Performed At A Speakeasy And Surrendered My Virtue To A Self-Absorbed Ass. The Only Good News Is That He's A Total Pig Who Will Act Like It Never Happened. Thank God. Ahem. The Priest : Hum Hum. Blair : Sorry. Truthfully, I'm Not Even Catholic. The Priest : You Don't Say. Blair : But Losing My Virginity To Chuck Bass ? None Of My Friends Will Ever Understand. I'm Ready For My Punishment. Whatever You And God Think Is Fair- Flogging, Fasting, Putting That Thing With The Teeth Around My Thigh, Like Silas. The Priest : How About Some Food For Thought Instead ? Don't Drink. Keep Your Clothes On. Try Avoiding Those Who Might Cause You To Stray. Blair : Oh, I Plan To. Thank You, Father. It Was Very Good Advice. You Don't Grant Birthday Wishes, Do You ? The Priest : I'm A Priest, Not A Genie. Blair : Well, The Next Time You Talk To Him, Would You Ask Him To Send My Boyfriend Back To Me? [RESTAURANT] Serena : Mm. I Gotta Say... Dan : No Need To Say Anything. Waitress : God, I Hate People In Love. Vanessa : Wow ! Awkward. Dan : Vanessa ?! Serena : Serena. Dan ? Dan : NNo, No, No, No, No, No. Vanessa's Here ! Waitress : Ah. Lovebirds Ready To Order ? Vanessa : Oh, I'll Take 'Em. Hi. Dan : Hi. So, Uh, You-You Work Here Now ? Vanessa : I Did Mention That, But You've Been Distracted. Vanessa. Hi. Nice To See You. Serena : This Time You're Seeing Less Of Me. Vanessa : Sorry About That. Walking In When You Were, You Know... Serena : Yeah. Vanessa : So You Guys Are Up Early. What'd You Do Last Night ?... Oh, My God. I Totally Didn't Mean To Pry. Dan : You're Not Prying. Serena : Why Would You Think You're Prying ? Dan and Vanessa : No Reason. Serena : Did You Tell Her ? Dan : What ? No. What's To Tell ? Vanessa : I Know Nothing, But If You Guys Did The Thing I Know Nothing About, Then I Would Totally Support That. Dan : Thanks, Vanessa. Good To Know In The Event That Should Happen. Vanessa : Oh, Meaning It Didn't Happen ? Dan : Meaning I Don't Even Know What We're Talking About Right Now. Serena : I Know I'm Lost. Vanessa : And I Should Get Lost. First Day. I Have Lots Of Tables. Dan : Clearly. So Vanessa Works Here Now. Serena : Yeah, We Should Make This Our Regular Spot. [ON THE STREETS] Chuck : Well,This Is The Last Place I'd Expect To Find You. Blair : Go Away,Chuck. I've Been Given Orders. Practically From God Himself To Avoid You. Chuck : Would You Consider Avoiding Me Over Breakfast? Blair : Sorry, But As Is Tradition On The Day Before My Birthday, I'm Heading To The Jeweler's to Put Some Pieces On Hold For Eleanor And... Chuck : Nate ? Oh, I Don't Think Nate ? He'll Be Singing "Happy Birthday" This Year. Blair : No One Knows That Nate And I Broke Up, And It's Gonna Stay That Way So I Can Fix This, And I Don't Think Your Best Friend Would Still Be Your Best Friend If He Knew Chuck : If He Knew How Much I Enjoyed The Removal Of A Certain Chastity Belt In The Back Of This Very Limo ? Blair : From This Moment Forward, The Events Of Last Night Will Never Be Mentioned Again. Is That Clear? Chuck : Not As Clear As The Memory Of You Purring In My Ear, Which I Have Been Replaying Over And Over. Blair : Well,Erase The Tape, Because As Far As I'm Concerned, It Never Happened. Chuck : I'll See You At Your Party Tonight. Blair : You're Officially Uninvited. Chuck : Never Stopped Me Before. Gossip Girl : Speak Of The Devil, And He Doth Appear, Wearing His Trademark Scarf. Careful,B. Hell Hath No Fury Like A Chuck Bass Scorned. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HUMPHREY] Jenny : Hey,Dad. Rufus : Hi, Honey. How Was Hudson ? Your Mother Must Have Been Kind Of Surprised To See You. Allison : Yeah, She Was. [SCENE_BREAK] Allison : Hi, Rufus. Rufus : Alison. What Are You Doing Here ? Jenny : Well, I Asked Her To Come. You Know, I Thought You Guys Could... Talk... Or Not. Okay, Dad, I Know It Wasn't My Place To Ask Mom To Come Back... Rufus : Jenny... Jenny : It's Your Life. I Get That, But It's My Life, Too, And It's Dan's, And I Just Felt That Nothing's Ever Gonna Change If Someone Doesn't Do Something. Rufus : Jenny ! Stop. Breathe. I'm Not Angry. Jenny : You're Not ? Rufus : Not At You. Jenny : While You Can't Get Un-Angry At Mom If She's In Hudson, And You're Here, Dad. I Mean, Nothing's Ever Gonna Change If You're Not In The Same Room. Can't You Just Give It A Chance ? Rufus : ...Not On An Empty Stomach. Come. I'll Make Us Breakfast. Allison : Who Wants Waffles ? I Mean, You Do Still Like Waffles, Right, Rufus ? Rufus : You Know Me, Al. I'm A Loyal Guy. Once I Commit To Something, I Stick With It. Allison : ... Jenny : I'll Get The Syrup. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE WALDORF] Blair : Hey, Mom. I Just Got Back From The Jeweler's, And I Have To Say... Eleanor : Have You Seen This ? Blair : Since When Does Drunk And Disorderly Get This Much Attention ? Eleanor : Since Never. The Captain Is Being Charged With Embezzlement And Fraud. This Is An Absolute Disaster. Blair : It Must Be Awful For Them. Eleanor : I Meant For Me. The Captain Is Supposed To Represent Me. The Contracts Are About To Be Signed. What About My I.P.O., Huh ? What Is Gonna Happen To My Bendel's Deal ? Blair : Nate Looks So Helpless. Eleanor : I Have To Call My Attorney. I Have To Put An End To This Deal Before It Goes Any Further. Blair : I Have To Talk To Nate. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE ARCHIBALD] Howard : I Don't Know Why Everybody's Making Such A Big Deal Out Of This. It's Just A Misunderstanding. It'll Be Cleared Up In Time. Lawyer : Yes, It Will, At Your Trial. This Is Real, Howard. The Only Reason You're Not Behind Bars Right Now Is Because Your Wife Could Afford Your Bail. Anne : And I Would've Paid Ten Times That Amount. You're Not Going To Jail. Lawyer : And We're Gonna Do Everything We Can To Make Sure That Doesn't Happen, But In The Meantime, This Is Not Something To Be Cavalier About. Howard : It's Clearly A Setup. Someone's Got A Agenda. Nate : Dad, Would You Just Shut Up And Listen To Him ? Anne : Nate ! Nate : Look, Sir, What Exactly Do We Need To Do Here ? Lawyer : Remain Calm And Give Them Nothing But A United Front As We Fight This. Nate : Well, What About Some Sort Of, Um, Some Sort Of Plea ? Howard : A Plea ? You Think I'm Guilty ? Nate : Dad, It's Just A Question. How Would That Work Exactly ? Howard : It Wouldn't. Anne : Nate, I'm Sure You're Very Tired, And This Is A Conversation For Adults. Why Don't You Go Get Some Rest, Sweetheart ? [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HUMPHREY] Dan : Hey, Dad. Jenny. And... And Mom. Allison : Hi, Honey. Dan : Well, Look At This. The Whole Family's Together... Eating Waffles. Jenny : Want One ? Dan : You Bet. Just One Question. Am I The Only One Who Thinks This Is Extremely Weird ? I... I Mean, Given Everything. Jenny : Dan, Just Forget About It. If Dad Can Let It Go, So Can You. Rufus : What Do You Mean, Let It Go ? Jenny : You Know, The Guy In Hudson. Dan : You Told Her ? Allison : No, Of Course I Didn't Tell Her. Rufus. Rufus : I Would Never. Jenny : I Overheard Dan And Dad Talking. Rufus : He Heard Us Arguing On The Phone. Dan : Yeah, If You Want To Keep Secrets, Maybe We Should All Abandon The Loft And Move To A Place With More Walls. [SCENE_BREAK] Rufus : It's Always good To Give Him A While. Allison : Yeah, No, I Knew-I Knew That. [IN BLAIR'S ROOM] Blair : I Can't Believe He Told Her You Guys Were Gonna Do It. Serena : Well, I Told You. Blair : That's Different. I'm A Girl. Serena : Yeah, Well, So Is She. Blair : Exactly My Point. But Even If She Wasn't, When You Get A Boyfriend, You Become The Best Friend, And The Best Friend Becomes The Second Best Friend. That's Just How It Has To Be If It's Ever Gonna Work. Serena : Hey, You Still Haven't Told Me How Nate's Doing. It's All Over The News. Blair : Uh, When I Talked To Him This Morning, I- I Told Him To Focus On His Family Today. Serena : But He's Still Coming To Your Party, Right ? Here. Blair : Uh, I Told Him Not To Worry About It. I Mean, Only If He's Up To It. Serena : You're Such A Good Girlfriend, B., Really. Hey, Um, I'll Just Pick You Up, And We Can Go Together, But I Really Hope Nate Can Make It. [NATE's HOME] Anne : Nate, Here You Are. I've Been Looking Everywhere For You. I Was Up In Your Room. I Was Calling Your Name For 20 Minutes. Hey, Take Your Earphones Out. Take Your Earphones Out. Nathaniel, I've Been Calling You For 20 Minutes. Nate : I'm Sorry. What Is It ? Anne : Blair's Birthday Party Is Tonight, Isn't It ? Nate : Yeah. Anne : I Was Thinking Maybe You Should Give Her Something Special. Nate : I'm Sure She's Already Picked Out Something At The Jewelry Store And Put It On Hold. Anne : Something More Special Than That. Nate : Mom, That's A Family Heirloom. I'm Not Giving It To Blair. It's An Engagement Ring. Anne : I'm Not Asking You To Propose, But It's Important That Blair Knows How Much You Value Her Loyalty. Nate : Her Loyalty Or Her Mother's ? Anne : Eleanor's Lawyers May Have Called. What Difference Does It Make ? One Day We'll All Be Family, And They Won't Have A Choice In These Matters. Nate : Blair And I Broke Up Last Night. Anne : Well, Then Get Back Together. Nate : I Don't Think So. Anne : PMay I Remind You It Was Your Own Rash Actions That Got Us Into This Predicament ? Nate : We're In This Predicament Because Dad Has A Drug Problem. I Was Trying To Help Him. Anne : Then Help Him. Your Father's Acting The Way That He Is Because He's Scared. He Needs You So Much Right Now, More Than He Ever Has. We All Do. Gossip Girl : Whoever Thought Monarchy Was Dead Didn't Realize It Just Changed Zip Codes. So What Will It Be, Nate, Blair Waldorf's Hand Or Your Father's Head ? [BLAIR IS IN HER ROOM AND NATE IS ON THE STREETS] Blair (On the Phone) : Hi. Are You Okay ? Uh, I've Been Texting You All Day. Nate (On the Phone) : Yeah, I'm-I'm Fine. Thanks. I, Um, Just Been A Little Busy. Blair : I Just Wanted To Check On You, See If You Need Anything. Nate : Yeah, I Kinda Do. Blair : Oh ? Nate : Um... Blair, Do You Think We've Been A Little... A Little Hasty With The Whole Breakup ? Blair : I- I Don't Know, Nate. Um, It Was A Pretty Difficult Decision. Nate : Yeah, Look, I-I Totally Understand. I'm Sorry. I, Um, I Shouldn't Have Brought It Up. Blair : Uh, But We Do Have A Lot Of History Together, And, Uh, It Was In The Heat Of The Moment, But You'd Have To Be Willing To Really Work For It. Nate : Yeah, Yeah, Of Course. Listen, We'll Just Take It Slow And See How It Goes. And, Um, I've Got A Birthday Present For You. It's, Uh, Something Special. Blair : J'ai trop hate de l'ouvrir ma fete ! A ce soir alors ! Nate (Line Disconnects, Dial Tone) : I... Blair : Hi. This Is Blair Waldorf. I Was Wondering If Any Of The Pieces That I Put On Hold Were Picked Up Today. The Diamond Necklace ? Really ? Okay. (Laughs) Thank You. (Squeals) Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. (Squeals) [DAN'S ROOM] Allison : Hey. Can We Talk ? Dan : Well, That Depends. Are You-Are You Back For Good ? Allison : I Don't Know. Your Father And I Haven't Really Had A Chance To Talk, So... Dan : Well, Do You Want To Come Back, Or Do You Wanna Live In Hudson With, Uh, Neighbor Guy ? Allison : Okay, Look, Dan, I Understand That You're Mad, All Right ? And I'm Not Gonna Defend What I Did. Dan : No, You-You Don't Get It, Do You ? You Think I'm Only Mad About The Cheating ? Allison : Okay. What Else ? Dan : (Sighs) Maybe That You Promised You Would Be Home By The End Of Summer, And Then You Weren't. Maybe The Fact That You Left At All. Allison : I Asked If You Were Okay With Me Going Away, And I'd Hoped That If There Was A Problem, You Would Say Something. Dan : Like What ? "Your Daughter's A Freshman At A School "Populated By Mean Girls And Date Rapists ? I Think She Needs Her Mom." Or Maybe "My Father Is Madly In Love With You And Will Probably Never Get Over This" ? Why Should I Have To Tell You This ? Rufus : Where Are You Going ? Dan : Out. I'll Call Later. [SCENE_BREAK] Allison : Well, That Went Well. Jenny : You Know, I Was Thinking Of Going Out Also. There's Something I Kinda Need To Do. Rufus : Oh, Yeah. You Need Some Help ? Allison : Can I Help You ? Jenny : No, I'm Good. Thanks. [CHUCK'S HOME] Nate : Come On, Man. I Can Hear You Breathing On The Other Side Of The Door. Is She Anybody You Can Get Rid Of ? I Just Really Need To Talk To You, Man. Please. Chuck : Nathaniel. Nate : Where's The Girl ? Chuck : In My Dreams. I Was Trying To Get Some Shut-Eye. What's On Your Mind ? Nate : It's My Mom. Chuck : Sounds Freudian. Nate : (Sighs) She Wants Me To Give Blair Her Ring. Chuck : What ? You Guys Broke Up. Nate : (Scoffs) Yeah, I Know. I Mean, Uh, Wait. How Do You Know ? Chuck : Predictably, Your Ex Ran The Old, Uh, Grill-The-Best-Friend Play. Tried To Find Out Where Your Head Was At. So, Uh, Where, Uh, Where Is Your Head ? Nate : Spinning. I Mean, My Mom Wants Me To Get Back With Blair So Eleanor Doesn't Pull out Of Their Business Deal. It's All Because Of My Dad's Whole Trial Thing, You Know ? Chuck : Yeah. I'm Sorry About All That, But Look, If You're Done With Blair, Be Done. Don't Cave To Your Parents' Wishes If They're Not Your Desires. Nate : Excuse Me ? Where's My Boy ? "Seal The Deal. Tap That Ass. Money Marries Bigger Money" ? Chuck : Look, I Care About Three Things, Nathaniel. Money, The Pleasures Money Brings Me And You. I'm Just Trying To Have Your Back Here. Your Parents Have Been Controlling You Your Whole Life. If It Doesn't End Now, When Will It Ever ? [BLAIR'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Serena : Oh, My God. Hey, Guys ! Katie and Isa : Hey, Serena ! Blair ! Happy Birthday ! Happy Birthday ! Blair : Oh, My God, Kati. Your Brother's Place Looks Fabulous. Kati : Yeah, I Know, Right ? I Know. Serena : It's Incredible. Kati : Come On, Guys. Let's Check It Out. [SCENE_BREAK] Serena : Hey. So Where's Nate ? Blair : Um, I'm Sure He'll Be Here Soon. What About Dan ? Serena : Oh, Uh, He Said He's Coming, But I Haven't Talked To Him Since This Morning. Blair : Well, You Better Check In On Him. Make Sure The Best Friend Hasn't Whisked Him Away To Do Some Friendly Activity. Serena : Oh, Shut Up. Oh, There's Chuck. I Bet He Knows Where Nate Is. Blair : I Think Nate Probably Just Snuck In While We Were Dancing. Serena : Chuck. [ON THE STREETS] Dan : Well, Thanks For Listening To Me Complain About My Family All Afternoon. Vanessa : Oh, Look, I Know It's Hard Right Now... (Cell Phone Ringing) But Your Family's One Of The Good Ones, And Your Parents Really Love Each Other. They'll Figure It Out, And In The Meantime, You've Got Me. Dan : Um, Actually, I Was Gonna Go Meet Up With Serena. Vanessa : Oh, Sure. Have Fun. Dan : I Will. What Are We Doing ? Vanessa : I Thought You Said We Weren't Doing Anything. Dan : I Like Serena, And I Like You, And She Likes Me, And You Like Me, So How-How Can You Not Like Each Other ? It's Mathematically Impossible. Vanessa : Who Said I Didn't Like Her ? I Just Don't Know Her. Dan : Yeah, And You're Making A Real Effort To Change That. I Mean, Why Spend Five Minutes Trying To Be Nice To Serena, When I Can Spend Day After Day Forced To Choose Between The Two Of You ? Vanessa : Okay, Fine. You Want To See Me Get My Nice On ? Let's Do It Tonight. Just You, Me And Serena. Um... Dan : Tonight-Tonight Is Blair Waldorf's Birthday Party. Uh, I Think We Might Want To Start By Dipping A Toe Rather Than Diving Off Of A Cliff, Headfirst, Into The Rocks With The Sharks. Vanessa : Why ? We All Know How To Swim. Come On. You Want To Do This, Let's Do It. [SCENE_BREAK] [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Chuck : Are You Ready For Your Present ? (Blair takes him by the hair) Ow ! If You Wanted To Play Rough, All You Had To Do Was Ask. Woman : Hi. Hi. Blair : Hello There. Happy Birthday To Me. (Sighs) You Nauseate Me. Chuck : All This Talk About How You Have To Be With Nate Or The World Will End. Face It. It's Over. Blair : You Sound Like A Jealous Boyfriend. Chuck : (Scoffs) Yeah, Right. You Wish. Blair : No. You Wish. Chuck : Please. You Forget Who You're Talking To. Blair : So Do You. Do You... Like Me ? Chuck : Define "Like". Blair : Oh. Uh, You Have Got To Be. I Do Not Believe This. Chuck : How Do You Think I Feel ? I Haven't Slept. I Feel Sick, Like There's Something In My Stomach, Fluttering. Blair : Butterflies ? No, No, No, No, No, No, No. This Is Not-Not Happening. Chuck : Believe Me, No One Is More Surprised Or Ashamed Than I Am. Blair : Chuck, You Know That I Adore All Of God's Creatures And The Metaphors That They Inspire, But... Those Butterflies Have Got To Be Murdered. Chuck : Fine. It Wasn't That Great Anyway. Blair : Thanks. [ON THE STREETS] Nate : Jenny Jenny : Oh. Hi, Nate. Nate : Hey. Jenny : I Told Blair, And I Shouldn't Have. I'm Sorry. Nate : Oh, About What Happened At The Ball ? It's, Uh, It's Not Your Fault. Jenny : So... How Have Things Been Between You Guys ? Nate : Uh, Strange, But Again, Not Your Fault... So You Gonna Go Inside ? Jenny : I Was Planning On It, But Now That I'm Here, I'm Not So Sure. Nate : Yeah. Me Neither. Jenny : Blair Invited Me Before Our Fight, And I Was Gonna Run In And Give Her This Card, Which Says "I'm Sorry" like 30 Times. (Chuckles) Maybe You Could Just Deliver It For Me, Though ? Nate : Uh, Do You Wanna Go Take A Walk Or Something ? Jenny : With You ? Um, What Would Blair Think ? Nate : Well, Blair's Up There. Unless, Of Course, You Wanna Go. It's Up To You. Jenny : A Walk Sounds Good. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Blair : Thank You. (Elevator Bell Dings) Serena : Dan, You're Here ! And, Um, And You Brought Vanessa. Hey. Good To See You. Um, Kati And Is, You-You Know Dan. Uh, Blair, This Is, Um, Dan's Friend Vanessa. Vanessa (to Dan) : Wow. You Didn't Mention They Were So Nice. Now I Get It. Blair (To Serena) : Oh, Sweetie, You Did Not Tell Me She Looked Like That. This Is Such A Problem. [IN THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HUMPHREY] Allison : Rufus, I'm Sorry. I Know That You're Upset. Rufus : You're Getting That, Huh ? Allison : Can You Please Talk To Me ? Please ? Rufus : I Only Have One Question, And I'm Pretty Sure I Don't Want To Hear The Answer. Allison : It Happened One Time, And I Wish It Hadn't, And It's Over. Rufus : Then Why Did Our Daughter Have To Go To Hudson And Drag You Back Here ? Allison : Because When We Spoke On The Phone, I Didn't Really Get The Impression That You Wanted To See Me. I Thought I Should Give You Some Space. Rufus : This Family Has Had Way Too Much Space. You Never Should Have Left. Allison : Can We Not Go Through This Whole Thing Again ? Please. You Know That I Wasn't Happy. Rufus : Yeah. You Happy Now ? Allison : In Some Ways, I Am. I Know You Don't Want To Hear That. Rufus : Look, Please Don't Act Like You Care What I Want. Allison : (Gasps) Rufus. I Was There For You When You Were All About Your Music, When You Were On The Road For Months At A Time And Everything That Went With It. My Whole Adult Life Has Been About You. And Now I'm The One That's Screwed Up. I Guess I Was A Late I Just Need You To Care Enough About Me To Try. Rufus : Alison... I Care. I Care. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Blair : Stalk Me Much ? Chuck : What Are You Still Doing Up Here All Alone ? Blair : I Don't Know Where Nate Is, And He Always Calls Me At Midnight, When It Turns Into My Birthday. Chuck : Well, I Wouldn't Count On It Tonight. Doesn't It Strike You As, Uh, Just A Little Bit Of Coincidence, The Timing Of Everything ? Blair : What Do You Mean ? Chuck : Well, Nate Suddenly Decides He Wants To Get Back Together Just Moments After Your Mother Puts The Brakes On Her Deal With The Captain ? Blair : So You're Saying That Nate Is Only Pretending To Like Me, And That He's Actually Using Me To Get To My Mother ? He Wouldn't Do That. Chuck : Yes, He Would. If It Was To Help His Family, You Know He Would. Blair : Nate Loves Me. Whatever He's Doing, Wherever He Is, He Will Call At Midnight. You'll See. Chuck : Care To Make A Wager ? If He Calls, I'll Leave You Alone Forever. If He Doesn't, You Spend The Night With Me. Blair : I Will Not. Chuck : I Thought You Were Sure. Blair : You're Gonna Lose. He's Never Missed My Birthday. Gossip Girl : Careful, B. There's No Safe Wager When You Bet On A Bass. You Just Might Lose Your Shirt And Your Pants. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Serena : So You Brought Vanessa As Your Date To Blair's Party ? Dan : No, No, You're My Date. I Just Thought It Might Be A Good Opportunity For All Three Of Us To Hang Out. Serena : Oh, Yeah, 'Cause It Was So Fun And Not Remotely Awkward At Breakfast This Morning. Dan : Fine. You're... You're Right. I Actually Thought This Would Be A Very Bad opportunity For Us To Hang Out, But I Kind Of Suggested To Vanessa That She Wasn't Making An Effort To Get To Know You, So, Uh, She Decided To Start Tonight, But If It's Weird, I Can Go Talk To Her. Serena : No. No, No, No, Don't Do That. Look, Tell Me Something Vanessa Likes Besides You, And I Will Make An Effort To Bond. I Promise. Dan : Oh, Thank You. Vanessa : So What Now ? Serena : Ever Play "Guitar Hero" ? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cheers And Applause) Yeah ! Vanessa : Thank You. Thank You. Katie : Oh, She Owned You, Serena. Isabelle : Yeah, You Went Down Almost As Hard As Britney At The V.M.A.S. Serena : Okay, You Know, You're Good, Vanessa. I'll Admit It, But I Have Been Holding Back Until Now. There's A Little Birdie That's About To Be Free. (Serena play Guitar Hero) Dan : That's My Girl! That's It. Right There. Serena : Thank You. Thank You. Who Got On Now ? Vanessa : Not Bad, But Skynyrd Is Meat And Potatoes, And I'm Bringing Dessert, So What Do You Say To A Slice Of "Cherry Pie" ? (Gags) Dan : No Pie. I Say No, I Beg You. Vanessa : Come On. There's Nothing Like A Little '80s Hair Metal To Put A Smile On Your Face. After The Day You've Had ? Serena : The...The Day You've Had ? What... What Kind Of Day Have You Had ? Vanessa : You Didn't Tell Her ? Dan : Uh, No. No, Not Yet. Not Yet. Um, It Was Kind Of An Odd Day At The Humphrey Loft. Uh, Actually, Jenny Brought My Mom Home. Serena : Your Mom's Back ? Dan : Yeah. Serena : Excuse Me. [SCENE_BREAK] Serena : I Can't Believe You Didn't Tell Me Your Mom Came Home. Dan : I'm Sorry, Really. Uh... Serena : What ? You Didn't Think It Was Important ? Dan : No, No, Of Course It Is. Serena : Why Bother ? You Already Told Vanessa. Dan : I Tell Vanessa Everything, All Right ? I Have Since I Was 6. Serena : Well, You're Not 6 Anymore, Dan. I Just-I Was Just Hoping That I Would Be The PersonThat You Would Wanna Tell These Things To Now. Dan : I Want You To Be That Person, Too. Really, I Do. This Whole Girlfriend Thing Is Very New To Me, You Know ? I- I Just... I Don't Know All The Rules Yet. Serena : Well, Blair Says In A Relationship, The Best Friend Is... Dan : Serena, You're Really Taking Relationship Advice From Blair ? Serena : (Sighs) Good Point. Look, I Just Don't Want To Have To Compete With Vanessa. You Know, With "Guitar Hero, " Okay. I'm Way More Awesome, If You Didn't Happen To Notice. But, Um, Not With You. Dan : That's Fair. All Right, So Tomorrow, You And I Will Go Somewhere Together, Just The Two Of Us, And We Will Talk About My Family In Excruciating Detail Until You Are- You're Just So Bored, You're Begging For Vanessa To Take Over, All Right ? How's That Sound ? Serena : Perfect. (Chuckles) All Right. Come On. It's Almost Midnight. Dan : What Happens At Midnight ? [ON THE STREETS] Jenny : I Heard About Your Dad. I'm Sorry. Nate : Well, If It Makes You Feel Any Better, My Family's Not Doing That Great Right Now Either. Jenny : You Know, I Actually Didn't Want To Come To Blair's Party As Much As I Just Wanted To Get Out Of My House. Nate : Yeah, I Know The Feeling. Blair's Birthday Present. Jenny : Your Mother's Ring. Blair Told Me About It. Wow. It's Beautiful. Nate : I'm, Uh, Supposed To Give It To Blair Tonight. Jenny : I'm Guessing That Wasn't Your Idea. Nate : Blair And I Broke Up, And I Know It Was The Right Thing To Do. I Mean, We Just Shouldn't Be Together Right Now, You Know ? Jenny : Sounds Like You're Pretty Sure Of That. Nate : I Am, And As Much As I Wanna Do The Right Thing And Help Out My Parents, It's Just-It's Not Fair. I Mean, To Me Or To Blair. I Just Think That If I Do This Now, When Does It Ever Stop ? Jenny : It'll Only Stop When You Stop It. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Chuck : 12:01. I'm Sorry. Blair : No, You're Smarmy. There's A Difference. If You're Coming To Collect, You Can Forget It. Chuck : Turn Around. Blair : You Get Grosser By The Second. Chuck : (Sighs) You Get Older. Look. Serena : Happy Birthday ! (Laughs) Isa : Blair, Blow Out Your Candles. Kati : I Know. Katie et Isa : Make A Wish, Blair. Blair : It Already Didn't Come True. Gossip Girl : Happy Birthday To Who ? Forget Cake And Ice Cream. I'm Saving Room For Just Desserts. Looks Like Chuck's Wish Might Come True. [ON THE STREETS] Nate : Hey... So I Don't Know How It Was Possible Given How The Day Started, But, Um, I Actually Had Kind Of A Good Night. (Giggles) Your Parents Won't Be Mad You're Coming Home So Late, Right ? Jenny : Oh, No, They Think I'm With A Friend. Nate : Huh. Well, They Think Right. Jenny : I Had Fun. (Giggles) Nate : Me, Too. You Have A Good Night. Gossip Girl : Spotted : Nate Archibald Depositing A Mystery Girl In A Taxi After Midnight. All We Know About Her For Sure ? She's Not Blair Waldorf. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Katie et Isa : Oh my God Serena Did You Guys See This ? I Can't Believe Gossip Girl Would Do This To Her On Her Birthday. Serena : You Know What ? Maybe She's Wrong. It Wouldn't Be The First Time. Katie : I Can't Believe Gossip Girl. Serena : Blair, Hey, I'm So Sorry. I Never Would've Thought That This Would Happen. Isabel : I Hope The Slut Gave Him Herpes. Katie : Cheater Totally Deserves Herpes. Blair : He Isn't Cheating. We Broke Up, Okay ? He Was Gonna Get Back Together With Me, But Only So My Mom Would Help His Dad. (To Chuck) You Satisfied ? Serena : Blair... Blair, Stop, Okay ? Talk To Me. Blair : (Voice Breaks) We Ended It. I Wanted To Tell You, But-But Part Of Me Thought That If I Didn't Say It Out Loud, Then It Wouldn't Be True. Serena : Shh. Shh. Blair : It Was My Birthday Wish For Us To Get Back Together. Now I Think It's Really Over. Serena : Oh, Blair, Shh. Blair : Is It Okay If I Just Wanna Be Alone For A Second ? [NATE'S HOME] Howard : Nate, Hey. What Are You Doing Home So Early ? Nate : It's After Midnight. Howard : We Just Thought You'd Be With Blair. Anne : How Did She Like Her Gift ? Nate : I Didn't Make It To The Party Tonight. Anne : You Can Call Her In The Morning, Maybe Take Her To Lunch. Howard : It's A Good Plan. Really More Special This Way. Nate : Dad, I Know You Think Blair Will Help Save You, But I'm Not Doing This. It's Over. Howard : Nate. There's Nothing In This World I Wouldn't Do To Protect Our Family, And I'm Sure You Feel The Same. I Need Your Support Here, Son, And Your Trust. Nate : (Scoffs) Well, You Better Hope For Your Sake. They Don't Call Your Son To The Stand. [HUMPHREY's LOFT] Rufus : God, I Have Missed Your Smile. Allison : Mm. I Have Missed Everything. Rufus : Please Tell Me That Is Someone Coming To Rob The House. Jenny : Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Allison : Hey, Jenny. Jenny : As You Were. [IN THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Vanessa : Is Your Friend Gonna Be Okay ? Serena : Um, I'm Not Sure. She Just Broke Up With Her Boyfriend, And Then They Got Back Together And Then, Um, I Don't Know What Just Happened. Vanessa : Well, She's Lucky To Have You. Being A Good Friend Is... Serena : Challenging At Times ? Vanessa : Hey, If I've Been Acting However I've Been Acting, It's Just 'Cause I'm Protective Of Dan. Serena : And I'm Protective Of Our Relationship. I've Never Actually Had One Before. You Guys Just Have Everything In Common, And, Um, I'm Just Getting To Know Him. So, You Know, It Can Be A Little Intimidating. Vanessa : Talk About Intimidating. You Just Admitted That You Find Me Intimidating, So How Cool Does That Make You ? Serena : I Think You Forgot To Mention My Superior "Guitar Hero" Skills. Vanessa : No, I Didn't Forget That. And At The Next Party, I'm Asking For A Rematch, 'Cause You Were About To Get Smoked. Serena : Oh, Really ? Well, I Think The Only Thing Getting Smoked Is Your Pale Imitation Of A Guitar Player. Vanessa : Hey, I Am A Golden God. Serena : Oh, Really ? Are You Now ? Dan : Hey. Am-Am I Interrupting Anything ? Serena : Um, Actually, You Are. Vanessa : I'll Give You Guys A Moment. Dan : Might That Have Been Bonding That I Just Walked In On ? Serena : A Little Bit. Dan : Yeah ? What Were You Talking About ? Serena : Nothing You Need To Know About. Dan : Oh, So You Have Secrets Now ? I See. Well, Listen, Um, If You Want To Get Out Of Here, Vanessa Can Only Fit Two On Her Vespa, But I Can Walk. Serena : Oh, Well, You Know I Love Me A Vespa, But, Um, I Think I Gotta Stay Here And Be With Blair. You're Not The Only One With A Best Friend. Dan : Yeah. [IN A ROOM AT THE KATI'S BROTHER PLACE] Blair : I'm Not In The Mood, Chuck. This Is Pretty Much The Worst Birthday Ever. Chuck : Maybe It Can Be Salvaged. Blair : Is That Our s*x Tape ?... It's The Erickson Beamon Necklace. No, I Couldn't. Chuck : Yes, You Can. Something This Beautiful Deserves To Be Seen On Someone Worthy Of Its Beauty. I Really Am Sorry. Serena see Blair and Chuck in the room. Gossip Girl : Spotted : B. Turning A Year Older, But Not Necessarily Wiser. Guess Chuck's The Gift That Keeps On Giving. Blow Out Your Candles, B. This Will Be Better In The Dark. X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.

Devastated by the current state of her relationship with Nate and still dealing with the guilt from her recent indiscretion, Blair puts on a happy face for her 17th birthday party and attempts to hide the truth from her friends. Hoping to ease the tension between Serena and Vanessa, Dan takes Vanessa to Blair's party so the girls can have some bonding time, but this only ends up making Serena more uncomfortable. Jenny brings her mother (Susan Misner) home for a surprise visit, but Rufus may not be ready to forgive and forget. Nate's parents (Sam Robards and Francie Swift) ask him to make a huge sacrifice in an effort to salvage his father's business as he faces charges of embezzlement and fraud.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x16

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Woman: Who are you? Bonnie: Who are you? Damon: Ha ha ha! Oh, you made it! Bonnie: There. Stop. Damon: Oh, my God. That's my mother. Kai: This merge happened with my brother Luke, and I won, so when I absorbed Luke's magic, I must have gotten some of his qualities like empathy. Caroline: I think we both know I never really hated you. I kissed Stefan. I want to talk to him about it, but if it's bad, I feel like he won't be honest. Stefan: We'll talk when all of this is over. Pastor: We are here today to pay our respect to sheriff Elizabeth Forbes. Elena: You're talking about flipping the humanity switch. Caroline: I just need the pain to be gone. Elena: If Stefan had said the right thing earlier, would that have changed your mind? Caroline: My mom is dead, Elena. Elena: I'm not gonna let you do this. (Caroline breaks Elena's neck) Caroline: (emotionless) That's not your choice to make. [SCENE_BREAK] [ SCULL BAR ] (Music playing. Caroline is sitting at the bar stretches out her hand while holding a empty glass; she is trying to get the bartenders attention) Caroline: Hello! I'm empty. Fill, please. Bartender: I think you've had enough. (Caroline puts her glass down) Caroline: Look at my face. This is me straining to care less about what you think. (She stares intently into the bartenders eyes) Caroline: Nope. I can't. Bartender: Ok. I'm gonna call you a cab. (The bartender turns to leave; Caroline grabs his wrist) Caroline: Here's the thing. My mom just died as in I just put her dead, cancer-riddled body into the ground 4 hours and 32 minutes ago. Bartender: I'm so sorry for your loss. Caroline: Oh, no, no, no. I don't care about that. I'm just saying that my feet have been crammed in the world's most uncomfortable heels for an entire day, and your tequila is the only thing that seems to be helping. Bartender: Ok. I'll grab you another drink. (He takes her glass and turns around) Caroline: Thank you. (Liam comes up to the bar) Liam: Caroline Forbes, the girl from the swimming hole. Caroline: Liam. Ha. The boy I totally forgot existed. Liam: Ouch. And I was just about to tell you how sexy you looked. Caroline: Heh. You are drunk. Liam: Slightly buzzed. Getting my ass whupped in shuffleboard upstairs. Caroline: Oh, lucky you. I stood all day at my mom's funeral. God, you're cute. Are you a doctor yet? Liam: Hang on. Your mom just died? Caroline: Do you want to get out of here? Liam: I... Caroline: What? Girlfriend? We all know you're not dating Elena Gilbert. Liam: Why would I be dating Elena? Caroline: You wouldn't, but even if you were, it wouldn't matter because nothing matters, not... a... thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EMPTY ROOM ] (Caroline pushes Liam against the glass, they begin making out. Liam is kissing her neck, Caroline's eyes change she pulls back and Liam sees her eyes and fangs) Liam: Caroline! Aah! (Caroline begins to feed on him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. WHITMORE COLLEGE - DORM ROOM/CAROLINE FORBES HOUSE ] (Elena walks through Caroline's side of the dorm room which has been completely stripped. She is on the phone with Stefan.) Elena: It's like she never lived here. (she opens and closes several drawers, all of which are empty) How's her house? Stefan: (he comes down the stairs of an empty house) Totally empty. Caroline took everything but the damn doors off the hinges. Elena: So what? She just flipped her humanity switch, came back to the dorm, and took all of her clothes (she opens her desk drawer) and thank you notes (she slams it closed) and just left town? I mean, that makes no sense. Stefan: This is coming from the girl that burned her house down. Elena: Do you think she's trying to cut off all ties to her past? Stefan: (agitated) I certainly don't think she's having a yard sale, Elena. Elena: Ok. Why are you getting mad at me? I'm not the one who did this. Stefan: (Exhales) I know. I'm sorry. Elena: OK. Look. I'm just gonna look around campus, maybe someone's seen her but just let me know if you find anything, OK? Stefan: Alright. I will. (they hang up) (Elena stands there silenty in the dorm room alone when the door opens quietly behind her revealing Bonnie.) Bonnie: Looks like you could use a friend. (Elena turns at the sound of her voice, stunned) Elena: Oh, my god. Bonnie? (Bonnie smiles and laughs) H-how are you... Bonnie: (Walking through the doorway) Alive? (She shrugs) I think I'd be used to this part by now. Elena: Ohh! (She happily hugs Bonnie) [SCENE_BREAK] [ SALVATORE CRYPT ] (Damon uses a crow bar to pry open the locks of the coffin belonging to his mother. Kai stands behind him leaning against the doorway re-watching the video of Damon's mother and Bonnies' interaction on the camcorder.) Kai: I can't believe Bonnie made it out. Actually, I can. She's plucky. Hey, do you need help? Oh. Before you answer that, I'd rather not. (Kai walks toward him) I just keep experiencing these pangs of guilt watching you. Feelings are hard. Damon: So's the end of this crowbar. Kai: (laughs) I'm just saying. Digging up mommy's grave? That's dark, even for me, and totally unnecessary. Damon, Bonnie saw her alive in a 1903 prison world. It's... it's on camera. You want to watch it again? Damon: My mother died of Consumption in 1858. We did not go through the trouble of moving this thing to the family crypt only to find out that she's not even in here. Kai: Oh, so you just... You just called me here because you needed a friend? No. You wanted to know if it was possible for her to exist in another prison world. To which I responded, "yes," to which you responded with denial. Damon: Whatever or whoever's on that tape, it's not her. Kai: Then who is it? Damon: I don't know. A ghost? Maybe she has an evil Gemini twin. Kai: (laughs) Nice. Damon: If my mother was imprisoned in 1903, she'd be in her 70s. Kai: Not if she were like you. Damon: (Turns around angry) I know my mother. She's not a vampire. She is not in a prison world. She died of Consumption in 1858. (He throws the crowbar, it clangs on the ground and he stares at the old coffin) Kai: Uh, if you're so sure of that why haven't you opened the coffin yet? (Damon flips off the lid which smashes on the ground to reveal an empty coffin) Congratulations. Everything you know about your mom is wrong. (Kai pats him on the shoulder and leaves. Damon stares at the empty coffin.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ COFFEE HOUSE ] (Enzo sits at a table on the 2nd floor drinking a cup of tea, from down below Sarah Salvatore takes photos of him with her camera, trying to hide from him. Enzo casually glances down, amused and purposely reveals the veins from under his eyes as Sarah gets her shots. She zooms in on the picture she had just taken of his veins. When she looks back up to his table he is gone.) Enzo: (Standing behind her) In the future, (she jumps) focus on my left side. It's far more attractive. Sarah: (Turning to face him) Oh, my god. Enzo: We've met before. Sarah: Yes. You saved my friend Matt with your blood. Enzo: Oh, yes. Uh, Sarah, right? Care to join me for a cup of tea? My best angle's up close and personal. (Sarah motions for him to join her) Brave. I like that. (He says as he sits across from her) [SCENE_BREAK] [ DORM ROOM - WHITMORE COLLEGE ] (Elena takes out a bottle of champagne as Bonnie goes through her drawers pulling out some clothing.) Bonnie: My not flannel blouse, my not flannel T-shirts, and... ooh... ohh... I really missed my not flannel V-neck. Elena: Suck it, 1994 (She pops open the bottle of champagne which causes Bonnie to jump) Whew! Ha! So I bought this bottle of champagne (she pours two glasses) the same day that Damon and I thought we were gonna rescue you, but obviously, we didn't, so I couldn't drink it, so this is to you. (She makes a toast, which is actually really depressing) You were stuck there all by yourself while we were back here, living our lives. And this is the worst toast ever. Bonnie: I'm back home. That's all that matters. Cheers (they clink their glasses together and drink, Bonnie downs her glass quickly). Elena: OK. Bonnie: Can we talk about the fact that I drove Jeremy away to art school? (Elena pours her another glass) Elena: So does that make you his muse? Because eww. Bonnie: Do me a favor. Don't tell him I'm back yet. Elena: Wait. You... you haven't called him yet? Bonnie: I just... I want to give him a chance at normalcy (she takes a seat on the bed) before we just drag him back into all of this, you know? Elena: (Surprised) Yeah. No. I-I do, too, but, Bonnie, you should at least tell him you're OK. Bonnie: And I will. I'll tell him. Coming back to life is complicated. Trust me. I've done it before. Besides, we have a roommate without her humanity and in severe need of an intervention. (They turn as the door opens, Caroline walks in with several shopping bags) Elena: Caroline. Um, you're here. Caroline: And you're perceptive. (She walks right past Bonnie without even a glance setting her bags on her bed) Ahh. Elena: Uh, what are you doing? Caroline: Starting over. New everything! (taking the items out of her bags) New sheets, new clothes. Hey. I even got us a new blow-dryer. (she says turning to face them) Oh, my God! Bonnie's back. Hi. I thought you were trapped in 1994. Bonnie: I got out. Caroline: Huh. (she turns back to her bags, not carring in the least bit to see Bonnie) Elena: Uh, we... we've been worried about you, Care. Caroline: You mean, you were worried about those around me, like if I killed them. OK. Funny story. You remember Liam? (to Bonnie) Oh. Elena dated this premed hottie but then realized she still had feelings for Damon, so she compelled him to forget that they ever had a thing. Elena: Caroline, what did you do to Liam? Caroline: I ate him, (flash to the scene of Caroline biting Liam) and he was delicious. (Elena is shocked and angry, staring at her) I mean, you know how cute guys just naturally taste better? Bonnie: You killed Elena's ex? Caroline: (Scoffs) OK. Can I just tell my story, please? (to Elena) Remind me why we're glad she's back again. Elena: Please tell me Liam is not dead. Caroline: Fine. So I was feeding... [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: EXT. THE SCULL BAR ] (Caroline is attacking Liam; her face is covered in blood and Liams' eyes are wide in fear, he struggles and gasps for breath; gurgling.) Caroline (V.O.): .. and then that little voice inside my head that tells me to stop, he never piped up. Caroline: (To Liam) More, Please. (Liam collapses him Carolines' arms, she catches him) Whoa! (scoffs) Well, this is awkward. Ugh. God. (She leans him up against a wall; and catches a glimpse of her necklace which has blood on it) Oh. You got blood on my necklace! Now I'm gonna have to clean it. Liam: What are you doing to me? Caroline: Well, I was going to drain of your blood, but now I'm not really in the mood to drag your corpse through the woods, definitely not in these heels. I could throw you in a dumpster, but then everyone's always being found in dumpsters, and since I was the last person to be seen with you, I'll be questioned by the police, and what if one of them reminds me of my dead mother? Liam: What are you talking about? Caroline: You, Liam, just got complicated. (she grins) [ END OF FLASHBACK ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE COLLEGE - DORM ROOM - PRESENT ] Elena: So you didn't kill him because it would be inconvenient? Caroline: Elena, I shut off my humanity. I didn't turn into an idiot. The last thing I want to do is give you a reason to ruin my life. (She drinks straight from the champagne bottle) Bonnie: Huh. It's so weird. It's like she's Caroline, but she's not. Caroline: Oh, Bonnie, how we all just missed your commentary. Anyway, in return for my good behavior, I want a year where I don't have to feel pain or grief or remorse. You're not gonna lock me in a cell and dry me out, and you're definitely not gonna try to trigger some latent emotion, hoping to snap my humanity back on. Elena: So all you want is for us to leave you alone, and then you promise not to kill anyone? Caroline: That's all I want. Now granted, if anyone tries anything to flip my switch back on - and I mean anything - (she says very seriously) I'll become your worst nightmare. (Elena and Bonnie exchange glances) Great! I'm gonna get a latte. (She grabs her purse) See you! (And walks past them, leaving them there very confused and shocked to her new behavior). [SCENE_BREAK] [ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE/WHITMORE HOSPITAL HALLWAYS ] (Damon leans against the living room wall on the phone with Stefan. While Stefan walks through the hallway of Whitmore Hospital, the scene switches back and forth between their phone call.) Damon: (Amused) So St. Caroline keeps her halo even with no humanity. Stefan: Yeah, until she snaps and strangles somebody with it. Damon: Well, even if she does... (Crash!) (Damon turns around to see Kai going through some antiques in the house) Could be good for her, you know, to blow off some steam, thin the herd. Getting awfully crowded around here. Stefan: Damon, if she kills somebody, I... Damon: (interrupts) It's not your fault, Stefan. By the time you figured out how you felt about her, it was too late. She made her choice. Stefan: Just do me a favor. Check around Mystic Falls, see if anybody's missing. Damon: Will do, brother. (Damon hangs up) A little later. (He turns to see Kai pouring himself a drink) Kai: Yeah. Why tell your brother your mother's still alive? No, but I get it. Mom's in a prison world and therefore an evil psychopath. Don't want to ruin little bro's perfect mommy memory. Damon: I'll tell him as soon as I know the truth. Kai: The truth. Damon: Which is why you're still here. Your sister sent me and Elena back to 1994. You can send me back to 1903. Kai: Technically, yes, I am able to do that, but I'll need the ascendant for the 1903 prison world. Damon: Oh. As the newly elected President of the Gemini freaks, I assume you know where to get it. (Kai shrugs) So get it. Kai: It's my pleasure. (He sips his drink loudly and stares up at Damon) Damon: (Rolling his eyes knowingly) You want something. (Damon sits down across from him) Shocker. (He replies sarcastically) All right. Kai: (Leaning forward) Well, ever since you told me Bonnie was back, I, uh, I can't stop thinking about her, all right, what I did, how she is. It's annoying really. (He exhales) Look. I need to see her. I need to apologize, and you're gonna make that happen. [SCENE_BREAK] [ COFFEE HOUSE ] (Enzo sits comfortably across from Sarah with his feet up on the table sipping his tea as Sarah questions him.) Sarah: So that's it? Enzo? That's all I get? Enzo: A name is a very personal thing, Sarah. See? Doesn't that feel good? Sarah: I have pictures of you, your veins doing weird, nonhuman things. (Enzo chuckles as Sarah holds up her memory card to prove it) They're all on this little card. Enzo: You went from cowering in a corner to overt blackmail in the span of an hour. Impressive. I know want to know more about you. Enzo: Fair enough. (He leans forward, setting his tea on the table) One... (At vampire speed he grabs the memory card from her hand) I'm very fast. Two, (He breaks the memory card in half) I'm very strong. Sarah: (She throws up her hands, annoyed) That was, like, 70 bucks. Enzo: 3, I'm very rich. Sarah: (Setting down her camera) Rich, strong, fast, you have weird veins, you can heal people with your blood. What are you? Enzo: (Scoffs) This is a joke, right? Sarah: Does it look like I'm joking? Enzo: Oh. You want to hear me say it. Fine. I'm a vampire. Sarah: (Not the least bit phased by his words) And? Enzo: Perhaps you didn't hear me. I said I'm a vampire. You know, Anne Rice, Dracula, that dreadful "Twilight" series. Sarah: No. No. I know what they are. I just thought there'd be more to it. Caroline: (Walking over, interrupting their conversation) It's OK. The whole vampire thing is over anyway. Enzo: Caroline. Caroline: Who is this nice girl we're divulging all of our deepest, darkest secrets to? Sarah: I'm Sarah. Caroline: Sarah. Photographer Sarah. Stefan's... Enzo: (interrupts) (to Sarah) Darling... (She turns toward him and he compels her) You need a drink from the bar. (Sarah gets up and walks away. Enzo watches her leave then turns his attention to Caroline) Caroline: It is so nice not to care what you're up to with that poor girl. (She laughs) Old me would have been in such a moral quandary right now. Enzo: (scoffs) Old you? (Caroline grins and realization hits Enzo, he rollls his eyes) Oh, you didn't. Caroline: (happily) I did right after my mom's funeral. Thanks for coming by the way. Kidding! I don't really care about that either. Enzo: You're a laugh riot, aren't you? Caroline: I'm actually a little bored, which is why I'm recruiting cute boys to come to Whitmore's warehouse party tonight. You like to dance, right? Enzo: Yeah, I love it. Caroline: See you there. (She walks past him, Enzo turns and watches her leave). [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL ] (Stefan leans against the wall outside a cubicle; Liam comes out moments later.) Liam: Stefan. Hey, man. Stefan: Hey. I'm gonna ask you a couple questions, and I need you to be completely honest with me. Liam: (Compelled) I can be completely honest with you. Stefan: Good. (Stefan leads him into a room and closes the door behind them) Do you remember being around Caroline last night? Liam: Uh, (He grins and laughs) heh. Yeah. Kind of hard to forget. Stefan: What is that supposed to mean? Liam: We made out pretty hardcore. Stefan: Was there any biting involved? Liam: Uh... I guess. I mean, I-I like to bite the lower lip a little bit, (He replies uncomfortably) but I-I th... I think it's kind of weird you're asking me these questions. Stefan: No. I meant, did she bite you? Liam: Not that I remember. Are... are you into her or something? (Stefan sighs) Because, like, I thought she was single. I didn't know you two were, like, a... Stefan: She is. We're not. Liam: Great! Can I get out of here, please, because, like, I'm late for this party, and you're really weirding me out. Stefan: What party? Liam: Uh, warehouse party off campus. Caroline will be there if you want to watch. (He grins and pats Stefan on the shoulder. Stefan rolls his eyes as Liam leaves) (Stefan pulls out his phone to make a call; Elena's voice answers on the other end.) Elena: Hey, Stefan. Stefan: Hey. Uh, listen. I never thought I would ask this, but, um... Do you want to go to a rave? [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE PARTY ] (Loud music and strobe lights are blaring from the warehouse. Two security guards stand outside the entrance as Bonnie and Elena approach. They pull back a white sheet as the girls enter a full blown party. Girls with painted faces and skimpy outfits; shirtless guys and glowstick jewlery; techno music, everyone cheering loudly; laughing, dancing, talking, and alot of drinking.) Elena: OK. Not exactly the welcome home party I was planning for you. I think we should split up and look for Caroline. (She yells over the noise) Bonnie: (Unable to hear her) Maybe we should split up and look for Caroline. (She yells back over the noise) Elena: (Grins) Good idea. (she mouths the words) Good luck. (Elena turns and makes her way through the crowd) (Elena makes her way through the crowd of ravers and finally spots Caroline relaxed and having a good time, dancing with a guy. Caroline spots Elena and purposely vamps out exposing her fangs and veins under her eyes. She leans in toward the guys' neck but as Elena starts forward Caroline stops and looks up at her returning to normal with a devilish grin on her face.) Caroline: (Whispers to Elena) I'm fine. (She winks and goes back to dancing) (Elena sighs as a shirtless guy approaches her and starts to dance up on her. Elena rolls her eyes and pushes past him. Meanwhile Bonnie is also making her way through the crowd when a guy turns to her with a smile.) Guy: Want to dance? (He asks handing her a blue glowstick) Bonnie: I'm actually looking for someone. (She says, putting the glowstick in his shirt pocket) Guy: This is a party. Have fun! (He takes her by the hand and pulls her toward the dance floor; he dances but Bonnie just stands there not in the mood; the guys reaches out toward Bonnie but she stops him) Bonnie: Hey. Down, boy. Guy: Just dancing. Bonnie: Look. I really have to go find my friend. Guy: I can't help it. You're hot. (He pulls Bonnie toward him and kisses her neck, Bonnie brings her hand up to his and uses her magic to burn him) Aah, aah, aah, aah, aah! (He cries in pain, pulling his hand away) What the hell did you do? Bonnie: Can't help it. I'm hot. (He stares at Bonnie shocked as she walks past him) (Elena finds Stefan and they discuss his encounter with Liam from earlier.) Elena: Did he have any bite marks on him? Stefan: No, which means she must have given him her blood. Elena: And he doesn't remember her feeding on him at all. Stefan: He remembers them making out in graphic detail, but that's about it. Elena: So that means she's covering her tracks. It's very thorough. It's actually really good. Stefan: No, it's not good. It means that she's gonna use him as a human blood bag every time she gets hungry. Elena: Or she'll drink from the blood bags in our fridge that she just restocked. Stefan: Wait a minute. Why are you defending her? Elena: I'm just saying she hasn't actually hurt anyone, and there's no bodies that have shown up at the med center, no students are missing. What if she actually has this under control? You know, we give her her year, she's happy, and then... Stefan: And then what? She magically flips on her humanity switch and starts feeling everything that she's been putting off. Caroline is going to snap, and when it does, it's gonna be my fault because I am the reason that she did this. Elena: Pain is the reason that she did this. Stefan: Her mother died, her world was turning upside down. She asked me one simple question. All I had to do was tell her the truth, and I didn't. Now look me in the eye and tell me that I couldn't have stopped this. (Elena sighs and nods) Elena: What's your plan? (Stefan joins Caroline at the bar with two shot glasses and they drink as Bonnie continues to make her way through the crowd uncomfortable. Her cell phone rings, she pulls it out to see Damon on the caller ID and answers relieved.) Bonnie: (Answering) Can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm glad you called. [SCENE_BREAK] [ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE/WAREHOUSE PARTY ] (The scene switches between the Salvatore Boarding House and the Warehouse party for Bonnie and Damon's telephone conversation.) Damon: Uh-oh! Caroline go off the rails? If so, I called it. Bonnie: Gloating in one of my best friend's times of need? It's weird that I miss you. Damon: Bonnie, I thought I was clear. Our relationship only exists within the confines of 1994. (Bonnie smiles) Bonnie: You think one phone call makes us friends? Damon: You don't have to pretend, bon. I'm like a fever you can't shake. Bonnie: Yeah. Yeah. A disease. Damon: You ok? Bonnie: Well, if scorching some douchebag with my magic is ok, then, yeah, peachy. When you came back, did you just slide right back into your old life? Damon: Oh, you mean the one where my brother was an auto mechanic and my girlfriend forgot she loved me? Yep. Bonnie: Um... why, um, why did you call me? Damon: So... teensy favor. I don't know if you know this, but when Kai merged with Luke, he went through a metamorphosis. He went from a sociopathic caterpillar to a slightly less evil butterfly. Bonnie: Yeah. And anyone who believes that is an idiot. Please don't ever repeat that name to me again, ok? Damon: Yeah. Ok. Heh. Already forgot about it. Bonnie: What was the favor? Damon: Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out on my own. Happy raving. Kai: Hey. Who was that? Damon: Bonnie. She doesn't want to do it. (He turns to face Kai) Doesn't believe there's a new you. Kai: But there is a new me. (Damon shrugs and Kai sighs) You... you explained it to her so she would understand, right? Small words, easy to digest. Damon: Not gonna happen. End of story. Kai: Huh. Shame... (He walks past Damon toward the fireplace) Because mama Salvatore's story is pretty fantastic. (He says with his eyes staring intently at the flames) Damon: What are you talking about? Kai: I have a strong lead on the ascendant. (He turns back to Damon) I checked the Gemini archives. Lily was captured on a dock in New York City in 1903. What if she was on her way here for you? I mean, it makes sense. She... she'd just landed from Europe, where... (he stops) Damon: (staring at him wide eyed) Where what? Spit it out. Kai: (Grabbing his throat) Sorry (He says in a raspy voice) Damon: (Narrowing his eyes) You're not gonna tell me, are you? Kai: (Coughs) No. Sorry. My throat just got really sore. I'm gonna go find a lozenge. (He clears his throat) Maybe Bonnie will change her mind by the time I find one. (He grins and brushes past Damon) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE PARTY ] (Caroline and Stefan continue to drink at the bar as they watch the ravers.) Caroline: (Judging an outfit) Well, that's certainly a look. Stefan: Don't be jealous. (Caroline laughs and Stefan smiles) Caroline: You know, you should smile more. You're hot. Stefan: Oh, thank you. Caroline: And obviously you're here to babysit me, but I've had less attractive babysitters. Granted, they were old women, and I was 8. Stefan: I'm not here to babysit you, Caroline. Caroline: Yes, you are. You, Elena, Bonnie, you don't think that I can live a normal, humanityless vampire existence without killing anyone, and you feel guilty for being such a royal ass at my mom's funeral. Stefan: You're right. I was, and then when I came to apologize and tell you how I really felt, you were gone. Caroline: And now I don't care. Stefan: But I do, so let me tell you how I really feel. Caroline: I said I don't care. Stefan: (Ignoring her) I like you, Caroline. Caroline: Stop. Stefan: I don't know when it became more than friendship, but it did, and it scared me, so I-I pushed it away, but here we are. Caroline: (laughs, amused) Ha! Ha ha ha! Wow! See? That wasn't so hard, was it? Only took a couple of years, cancer to devour my mom, me to flip my humanity off, but you finally spit it out. Stefan: That's good. Anger. That means you want to feel. Caroline: No, Stefan. You know what? It just means that I'm pissed, so leave me alone. (She turns to walk away but Stefan stops her) Stefan: Hey, hey. (He pulls her toward him) Let it in. It will hurt, and you'll want to die, but I will be here. I will help you through this, but you have to give me a chance. (He reaches out his hand and caresses her cheek) Please. (Caroline stares at him as if she's considering this for a moment) Come back. (She closes her eyes and leans her face into his hand for a second) Caroline: (Snapping her eyes open and staring at him sadistically) You shouldn't have done that. (She pushed his hand away and leaves him alone at the bar disappearing into the crowd of ravers) (Caroline catches up with Liam in a hallway) Caroline: Hey! Where have you been? Liam: The bathroom line was, like, a mile long. I mean, look at all these crazy people here. Caroline: Wow! You are so boring. No wonder Elena didn't pick you. Honest truth. How good are you at surgery? Liam: I'm a premed sophomore. I'm terrible. Caroline: Perfect! Come with me. (She grabs his hand and leads him away from the party) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. WAREHOUSE PARTY ] (Caroline leans up against one of the cars as headlights approach. Enzo parks his car, turns off the ignition and gets out slamming his car door and walking toward her.) Caroline: There you are. Finally! Where's your date? What, you don't want to show her off in front of Stefan? Enzo: I'm afraid she doesn't find me nearly as fascinating as I do. Caroline: But you have an accent. Anything you say is automatically fascinating. Enzo: I'm afraid we found the exception. Told her I was a vampire, and her eyes glazed over literally. Pure and utter disinterest. Caroline: (breaks into laughter) Ha! Ha ha ha! Enzo: What's funny? Caroline: Stefan's been looking out for Sarah ever since she was a baby, which means he will protect her at any cost. Enzo: Ok. Caroline: So what do you do when you want someone to have nothing to do with vampires? Enzo: (Smiles) Heh. Compel them not to care about anything to do with vampires. Caroline Forbes, you're a genius. Caroline: Thank you. (She seductively puts her hands on him) Now why don't I show you some of my other talents? (She reaches her hands into his jacket and down his waist) Hmm? Enzo: (Pulling away) Sorry, luv. It's not as much fun when you're not really you. (He walks past her, but she is not bothered by the rejection. She grins and looks down at his cell phone which she had just stolen, she scrolls through the contacts and finds the name she is looking for. Sarah Salvatore.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. WAREHOUSE PARTY ] (Bonnie pushes past the crowd of ravers toward a hallway and leans up against the wall as Damon enters.) Damon: Hey. Bonnie: Hey! Hey. What are you doing here? Damon: Don't freak out, but... ahem. (He clears his throat and Kai walks out from around the corner) Kai: Hi. (Bonnie is immediately alarmed) Damon: Just get this over with. (He grumbles to Kai) Kai: Um... Damon: Spit it out. Kai: Um... I wanted... [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK, 1994 PRISON WORLD ] (Kai and Bonnie are in the caves, Kai shoots Bonnie in the chest with an arrow.) Bonnie: Unh! Kai (V.O.): To apologize... (Bonnie is in Damon's car but is unable to start the engine because Kai shows up in the backseat and grabs her from behind. She tries to fight him but is unable to.) Boonie: Aah! Kai (V.O.): For anything I did... (Kai and Bonnie are in Portland outside his family home by the trunk where Jo hid her magic in a knife. Kai holds the knife in his hand then stabs Bonnie in the stomach with it. She gasps and gurgles.) Bonnie: Aah! Kai (V.O.): That hurt you. [ END FLASHBACK ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE PARTY - PRESENT ] (Bonnie stares at Kai wide eyed unable to speak) Kai: Bon? Did you hear what I said? Bonnie: If I see your face again, I will melt it off. (She threatens him, then stalks past the both of them, angrily using her magic to open the door and stomps down the steps) Kai: I imagined that going a little differently. (In the crowd of ravers, Elena calls Bonnie on her cell phone and leaves a message.) Elena: Bonnie, hey. It's me. Where'd you go? Call me. (She hangs up, Stefan comes up behind her) Stefan: Hey. It worked. Elena: It worked? You're Caroline's emotional trigger? Stefan: I saw it in her eyes. She's still in there. We just have to go find her. Elena: Wait. She's gone? Stefan, she made it very clear that if we mess with her she's gonna retaliate. Stefan: Then we find her, we lock her up, and I push until I break through. I can get her back, Elena. Elena: Ok. Ok. Let's go find her. (Before they can go to look for Caroline, Stefans' phone rings. He looks down to see Enzo calling in.) Stefan: (answering) What, you really think I want to hear from you right now? Caroline: Aw. Is someone having a bad night? (Elena and Stefan are equally surprised to hear Caroline's voice on Enzo's phone) Stefan: What are you doing with Enzo's phone? [SCENE_BREAK] [ COFFEE HOUSE ] (Caroline is alone in the coffee house, she sits up on the bar top.) Caroline: I stole it, but that's not the question that you should be asking right now. You should be asking "why does Enzo have Sarah Salvatore's number in his phone," or maybe "where is Sarah Salvatore," and ultimately, "what the hell are you going to do to her, Caroline?" (The door to the coffee house opens, Sarah Salvatore walks in.) Sarah: Hello? Enzo? Caroling: (British accent) Over here, luv. Sarah: Oh. Um, actually, I'm looking for... Caroline: Enzo. Yeah. I heard you. He's not here right now, but I am. Stefan: Caroline, what the hell are you doing with Sarah? Caroline: There! An appropriate question. Thank you for asking. As a matter of fact, I'm going to kill her. (Caroline hangs up, dropping the phone onto the bar) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE COLLEGE, DORM ROOM ] (Bonnie angrily storms into her room room throwing the door closed and using her magic to ignte the fire in the fire place. Damon enters behind her cautiously.) Damon: Hey. Calm down. It's just me. He's not here. Bonnie, this is about my mom. Kai knows a lot of stuff about my mom. Bonnie: I don't care. I told you I didn't want to see him again, and you did it anyway. Damon: I know, but, Bonnie... Bonnie: (interrupting) Was I unclear? Damon: He just wanted to talk. Bonnie: Now I want to talk. So listen. Damon: I get that he hurt you. Bonnie: I said listen! (She uses her magic against Damon) Damon: Unh! (Damon clutches his chest) Bonnie: I want you to feel what I felt. Damon: Ow! Bonnie: You were there (Blood soaks through Damon's shirt from a wound that Bonnie made appear) the first time he hurt me, an arrow through the stomach, but you weren't there for what happened next, when he chased me through the hospital, (Damon gasps and groans) when he strangled me, (Bonnie uses her magic against him again; Damon chokes and grabs his throat) he drugged me, he tied me up, and he stuck me in a trunk, and then suddenly, he wants to be nice, huh, start over. Damon: Bonnie. Bonnie: Sound familiar? He lied, and then he stabbed he again! (She uses her magic against him again to make another wound) Damon: Unh! (Damon clutches his stomach as blood pours out) Bonnie: Then came the worst part because when it was all over he left me alone... (She says in tears) And I wish I could share what that feels like, but I can't. (She releases him, he gasps and coughs) I want you to get out. Damon: Bonnie, I'm sorry. Bonnie: (She screams at him in rage) Get out! (He leaves as she turns back to the fire) [SCENE_BREAK] [ COFFEE HOUSE ] (At the bar, Caroline is making margaritas in the blender as Stefan and Elena arrive quickly in search of Sarah.) Caroline: Hey! I'm making margaritas. You want one? Elena: Where's Sarah? Caroline: I see Stefan filled you in on his big secret. Stefan: Where is she, Caroline? Caroline: Not here. That would be stupid. (She says as she preps the glasses with salt) She's with Liam. Say hi! (She says looking over to Enzo's phone which is on speaker with Sarah's name flashing in) Liam (on phone): (shaky and in a panic) Hello? Caroline: Sarah is helping Liam with his surgical skills. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL/COFFEE HOUSE ] (The scene switches between Whitmore Hospital and the coffee house) (Sarah is restrained to a metal operating table, somewhere in Whitmore Hospital. Liam stands over her with a scapel in a panic. He doesn't want to do it but he has no control. Sarah is terrified and in a panic as she struggles against the restraints begging for her life.) Sarah: Please! Please don't hurt me! Liam: I don't want to do this! (He screams) Caroline: Duh. You're probably gonna get expelled and then found guilty of murder. That's why I compelled you to do what I wanted. Sarah: No, please! Please! Stefan: Look, Caroline. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. Caroline: Obviously. I was pretty clear about that. Elena: Look. I know that you can't feel it right now, Care, but if you kill Sarah, it's gonna haunt you forever. Trust me. I did it, and it sucks. (Caroline pours the margarita mix into the glasses) Caroline: I compelled a student to perform surgery on Stefan's niece, and you found a way to make this about you? God, you truly have a gift, Elena. (She laughs) Stefan: Look at me, Caroline. What do you want me to do? You want me to leave town, I'll leave town. I'll stay as far away from you as possible. Just please let her go. Caroline: That's the problem, Stefan. It doesn't really matter how far away you are. You're still you... Kind, loyal, (She puts little umbrellas into the margaritas) who with one look can convince me that I'm not crazy. That's the Stefan that I fell for, and that's the Stefan who can bring me back. Stefan: Killing Sarah isn't gonna change that. Caroline: I know. That's why I'd rather just change you. Let go of that part of you, Stefan. Elena: Caroline, what are you talking about? Caroline: If Stefan wants to save Sarah's life, (She raises up two glasses of margaritas) all he has to do is shut his humanity off. Why are you both looking at me like that? Do I need to repeat myself? Elena: He is not turning his humanity off. Caroline: (Setting the glasses down on the bar) Elena, Stefan unleashed himself from you months ago. He can think for himself now. Stefan: It's not gonna happen, Caroline. Caroline: (Picking up the phone) Hey, Liam. Sarah: No! Please! No, no! Caroline: Cut out her spleen. Elena: Caroline! Caroline: Relax. She can live without a spleen. You know, it's really the infection you should be worried about. Sarah: Please don't hurt me! No! No! No! Liam: I'm so sorry. (She screams as Liam uses the scapel to cut against her skin, blood oozes out) Stefan: Hey, Liam. Remember that conversation we had earlier about being honest? Where are you? Caroline: Don't answer him, Liam. Liam: Whitmore Medical. Caroline: Hey! Sarah: Please don't hurt me! (Liam slices her again with the scapel and she screams) Aah! Stefan: (To Elena) Go! Get Sarah out of there. (Elena vamp speeds away) Caroline: Good luck getting there in time. Caroline: How's it going, Liam? Sarah: (screaming) Please, Liam! No, no! Liam: (His eyes are wide in terror) I think I'm gonna go into pediatrics. Caroline: You know what? I changed my mind. Leave the spleen. (Liam relaxes taking a breath) Let's be a little bit more symbolic. Sarah: (screaming) Please no! Caroline: Take out her heart. (Sarah screams and Stefan vamp speeds toward the bar he grabs Caroline and throws her across the room; she crashes into a table. The phone slides across the floor. Stefan goes for the phone but Caroline trips him with the leg of the table. Stefan tries to reach for the phone but Caroline stabs him in the back then reaches over him and grabs the phone out of Stefan's grasp.) Caroline: Liam, you still with me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ] (Damon sits by the fire with a drink in hand as the door opens, Kai enters.) Damon: I'm not in the mood for the preamble. Just tell me why my mom's stuck in 1903. Kai: You're not bringing your mom back. Damon: That's odd. (He says turning to face Kai) Sounds like you just asked me to kill you. Kai: You requested a truncated version, so I respectfully jumped to the end. Damon: (He gets up) And why aren't we bringing her back? Kai: Because there are only two prison worlds in existence, mine, created in 1994, and the one created in 1903 for the sole purpose of locking up your mom and her closet full of crazy pants. (Damon attacks Kai at vampire speed he grabs him and pins him up against the wall.) Damon: (enraged) You said we'd get her back! Kai: (Calm) I'm telling you, as a semi-sane person, you really don't want that. Damon: And I'm telling you as a vampire who eats people you really don't want to piss me off! Kai: I'm trying to save your life. Damon: Tell me how to get her back! Kai: Your mom's a ripper, ok? She's a ripper. (Damon releases him, stunned) She turned in 1858, faked her death, went to Europe, where she went a little nuts. Damon: (Whispers) No. Kai: Bodies piled up, she moved, killed some more until she had to move again. They think 3,000 in total. Damon: (Whispers) That's enough. Kai: And for some reason, my coven made it their duty to stop her, so they cut her off at New York Harbor before she could tear through Manhattan. Granted... heh... By the time they got the ship, they found everybody dead. It was so gruesome they had to burn it there at the harbor. Damon: I said that's enough! (He screams) Kai: (quietly) I guess I should show myself out. (He leaves and Damon falls back onto the floor devastated by this revelation) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. WHITMORE COLLEGE - DORM ROOM ] (Bonnie calls Jeremy on his cell phone but gets his voice mail.) Jeremy (voice-mail): Hey. It's Jeremy. Leave a message. Bonnie: Hey, Jeremy. It's Bonnie. It's a really long story, but I'm back. Uh, I had this whole plan to drive out to new Mexico and surprise you, I don't know, show up as one of the models in your drawing class or something. (She laughs) Um... listen, Jer. I'm not sure I'm still the same Bonnie you want to be with. That place changed me, and I don't know if I'm scared of myself or actually kind of like the new me. If it's ok with you, I think I'm just gonna figure me out, and then I promise to come visit you. I hope you're well. Ok. Bye, Jer. (She hangs up and looks at herself in the mirror, lifting up her shirt to look at her scars) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE HOSPITAL ] (At the hospital red and blue ambulance lights flash through the windows, the sounds of sirens blaring and buzzing; a woman's voice on the PA system, the footsteps and chatters of doctors, nurses and patients in the dark hallways. Elena rushes past them.) Sarah: Aah! No! Please! (Liam cuts her shirt open) Liam! Liam, no! Aah! Liam: You're marking it worse. You'll only make it worse. Sarah: You'll kill me! Liam, I'll die! Liam! (He shoves a cloth in her mouth to stop the screaming) (Elena heads up the stairs, Sarah struggles against the restraints in a full panic as Liam picks up a drill; Sarah's eyes are wide in absolute terror.) Liam: I never used one of these before. I'm so sorry. (Sarah screams) [SCENE_BREAK] [ COFFEE HOUSE/WHITMORE HOSPITAL ] (On the floor of the bar Stefan gasps as Caroline stands over him.) Caroline: You don't realize it, but this really does hurt me to watch. (She sighs) I'm pathetic. (Into her Phone) Liam, she stopped screaming. Is she... Liam: I think she passed out. Caroline: (Sigh) Kill her. Call me when it's done. (She hangs up the phone and shoves it in her back pocket) (Stefan's phone rings, she bends down to pick it up and pulls the stake out of his back at the same time, he grunts.) Caroline: (Stepping over him) Stefan's phone. Elena: (Racing through the hospital hallways) Caroline, where are they? Caroline: Hey. You're gonna be a doctor, right? How long can one live without their heart? Maybe, like, 3 seconds tops? (Stefan gets to his feet) Stefan: She's gonna let her die, Elena. Elena: I can't find them anywhere. We're running out of time! (Caroline turns to Stefan) Stefan: Bring me back. Elena: What? Stefan, w-what do you mean? Bring you back from where? Stefan: Just remember to bring me back. (Caroline pulls the phone away from her ear, keeping her eyes locked on Stefan she grins.) Elena: No. No. No, no, no, no. Stefan! No! Stefan, no! (Stefan takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Caroline watches amused. Seconds later Stefan opens his eyes again. Changed. Caroline smiles and hangs up the phone.) Elena: (Looking at her phone) Stefan. No. (Elena hears a clatter coming from one of the rooms, she runs toward the noise to find Liam covered in blood, an open wound on Sarah's chest, and bloody instruments all over the floor but the job isn't done yet.) Elena: Oh, my God. Liam: Elena, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. Elena: Just stop. (Elena bites into her wrist and feeds Sarah her blood) Liam: (upset) I have to take out her heart. (Liam goes for Sarah's chest but Elena stops him by breaking both of his hands) Ah! (He grunts and falls to the ground; Elena continues to feed Sarah her blood until Sarah starts to cough and becomes concious again) Elena: (relieved) No. It's ok. Everything's gonna be ok. (Elena pulls out her phone and dials Stefan. The phone rings a couple of times. She walks away from the operating table and leans against the door frame.) (Music plays and Stefan pours himself a margarita from behind the bar.) Stefan: Hello. Elena: (Out of breath) Stefan, hey. Thank God. I found her. I... She's gonna be ok. Stefan: Oh, really? Elena: Stefan, are you ok? Stefan: Well, I will be in one second. (He takes a sip of his drink) Mmm. I really needed that. Elena: Please don't tell me that you shut it off. (Stefan doesn't answer) Stefan, don't you dare tell me that you shut it off! Stefan: Ok. I won't. (He passes the phone to Caroline who is laying on the bar) Caroline: He shut it off. (She hangs up the phone and tosses it aside; she grins and Stefan drinks his margarita) [ END ]

After switching off her humanity, Caroline makes out with Liam outside of a bar and feeds off of him. She tells Bonnie and Elena that she will avoid killing anyone if they give her a year to live freely without her pain, and they initially agree. Kai refuses to give Damon information about his mother unless he helps Kai apologize to Bonnie in order to alleviate Kai's guilt. Caroline invites Liam and Enzo to a rave, and Elena, Bonnie, and Stefan come to confront Caroline. Damon calls Bonnie, but after she refuses to talk to Kai, Damon and Kai show up and Kai attempts to apologize to her. Bonnie is coping with traumatic memories from her time in the prison world and is furious with Damon for forcing her to see Kai, who she believes is lying. After using her magic to punish Damon by forcing him to endure the wounds that Kai inflicted on her, she realizes that her experiences have changed her and finally calls Jeremy, telling him that she needs time to work things out. Stefan admits his feelings to Caroline and begs her to switch on her humanity; for a moment Caroline wavers and he knows that there is a chance to bring back the old Caroline. Kai reveals that Damon's mother is a vampire and was imprisoned by the Gemini coven after she faked her own death and went on a worldwide killing spree. In retaliation for Stefan's attempt to break through to her, Caroline kidnaps Sarah Salvatore and compels Liam to perform 'surgery' on her in the form of removing her organs. She tells Stefan that she will spare Sarah's life if Stefan turns off his humanity. Elena manages to stop Liam from cutting out Sarah's heart just as Stefan agrees to Caroline's demands and shuts off his humanity.

fd_Merlin_01x09

fd_Merlin_01x09_0

INT. CAMELOT (BURIAL VAULTS) - NIGHT 1. FR. 1 A dark shadowy vault containing a number of ancient tombs,graced with ornately carved sculptures of their noble occupants. A shadow falls across a black tomb - carved with the outline of a mighty Knight in full armour, a sword lain across his body like a cross. Suddenly, in the darkness we see a woman, it's NIMUEH... She stands over the tomb and runs her hands over it,whispering a terrifying spell. NIMUEH: Gehyre me, wan cniht, awac! As she utters the words her eyes burn into the stone casing. Suddenly, a crack rips across the lid. NIMUEH: Beo strangra ond steacra, forbrec tha wanne... The crack grows bigger in the tomb... NIMUEH: Uparis; awrec Uther Pendragon! CRASH! A hand clad in a black gauntlet smashes through the top of the tomb and reaches out towards the witch... A dark smile crosses her face... INT. KING'S PALACE (GREAT HALL) - NIGHT 1. FR. 2 ARTHUR is knelt on an elaborately decorated woolsack before UTHER. The Prince is dressed in ceremonial robes, MERLIN stands proudly to one side. A STEWARD holds a cushion carrying a coronet and a gold rod. It's the Prince's investiture. All around there are DIGNITARIES present,including GAIUS and MORGANA. UTHER speaks quietly but formally to his son as he takes the rod and places it in ARTHUR's hand... UTHER: Do you solemnly promise and swear to govern the people of this Kingdom and it's dominions according to the statutes, customs and laws laid down by your noble forebears? ARTHUR: I do, Sire. UTHER: Do you promise to exercise mercy and justice in your deeds and judgements? ARTHUR: I do, Sire. UTHER: And do you swear allegiance to Camelot for now and for as long as you live? ARTHUR: I, Arthur Pendragon, do pledge life and limb to your service and to the protection of this kingdom and it's peoples. They both smile. UTHER places the crown upon his son's head, he turns, addressing the room as well as ARTHUR, following the words of the ceremony. UTHER: Now being of age and being the heir apparent, you shall hence-forth become Crown Prince of Camelot. The CROWD cheer. MERLIN grins proudly to one side, next to him stands GWEN. GWEN (in a low voice): So how does it feel to be servant to the Crown Prince of Camelot? MERLIN (wry): Washing his royal socks will be even more of a privilege. GWEN takes a sideways look at him. GWEN: You're proud of him really. Even though you complain about him constantly. MERLIN: I am not. GWEN: You are. I can see it in your face. MERLIN: Those socks are very clean. Of course I'm proud of them. GWEN laughs as ARTHUR soaks up the adulation. But the moment is interrupted by the sound of smashing glass.UTHER and ARTHUR turn to see... A KNIGHT on horseback rides an armoured steed at full tilt through the giant windows at the far end of the Great Hall. Glass showers over the assembled GUESTS as they scramble out of the way. His face is masked beneath his visor. His armour is an ominous black. He advances slowly, inexorably toward UTHER... UTHER: What in the Devil's name...? Panicked GUESTS get out of the way as the horseman continues his relentless path toward the King...The Knights put their hands to their swords in expectation of trouble. The BLACK KNIGHT stops before UTHER and ARTHUR and throws down a huge metal gauntlet. A stunned UTHER stares at it... ARTHUR reacts, goes to pick up the gauntlet but before he reaches it, a young knight, SIR OWAIN, swoops and plucks the glove from the ground and holds it proudly aloft. OWAIN: I, Sir Owain, accept your challenge. A beat. The BLACK KNIGHT continues to focus on UTHER and ARTHUR, his expression is inhuman, unblinking, finally he turns toward SIR OWAIN. BLACK KNIGHT: Single combat. Noon tomorrow. To the death. UTHER's white as a sheet, fixated by the crest on the KNIGHT's helmet. GAIUS too stares intently at the KNIGHT, a flicker of recognition in his eyes. INT. GAIUS' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 1. UK. 3 GAIUS is preparing some routine remedies at his workbench. MERLIN watches, but his thoughts are still consumed by the evening's events. MERLIN: Have you ever seen this Black Knight before? GAIUS stops his work for a moment. GAIUS: I don't believe so. MERLIN: You didn't recognise his crest? GAIUS busies himself with his work again. GAIUS (evasive): His crest? MERLIN: Which house is it? GAIUS: I'm not sure. I didn't see it that clearly. MERLIN: He's not someone you'd forget in a hurry though. GAIUS (busying himself): No. MERLIN: So you don't think he's from round here? GAIUS: That would seem likely. MERLIN: But then what's he doing here? GAIUS turns to face him. GAIUS: Merlin, your faith in my all-seeing knowledge is both touching and wholly misplaced. Maybe if you've finished your work for the day you could go to bed and leave me to finish mine. MERLIN: Okay, I'm going. He goes to his room. GAIUS continues with his preparations. A second later MERLIN pops out of his room again. MERLIN: Gaius? GAIUS (weary): Merlin. MERLIN: Do you think Owain can beat him? GAIUS: We will find out soon enough. MERLIN leaves again. GAIUS looks after him, clearly more troubled by the night's events than he's letting on. INT. KING'S PALACE (MORGANA'S CHAMBERS) / EXT. CAMELOT 4 (MAIN GATES) - NIGHT 1. UK / FR. Looking out through the window we see... The BLACK KNIGHT standing motionless in perfect symmetry outside the gates of Camelot, planted in the ground next to him is a plain black standard. GWEN (O.S.): What does he want? She is cautiously standing a few steps back from the window, watching the menacing stranger camped outside the castle. GWEN: Why would he issue such a challenge? MORGANA is pacing nervously... MORGANA (perturbed): And why did Owain of all people pick it up? Owain! GWEN: I know. MORGANA: He's just a boy. GWEN: He hates anyone saying that. A guilty reaction on MORGANA's face. She turns to leave the room. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) / EXT. CAMELOT 5 (MAIN GATES) - NIGHT 1. UK / FR. ARTHUR too stands at the window looking at the BLACK KNIGHT, he looks concerned. There's a knock at the door. MORGANA enters. MORGANA: You must stop Owain from fighting. ARTHUR (annoyed - a sense that he also feels some guilt): It's his damn fault. He shouldn't have picked up the gauntlet! MORGANA: So put an end to it. ARTHUR: The challenge has been taken up.The fight cannot be stopped. MORGANA: So fight in his place. Much as it pains me to say it, you're the man for this job, not him. ARTHUR: I can't! MORGANA: Why not? ARTHUR: Owain picked up the gauntlet, Owain is the one who must fight. That is the Knight's code. He knew that. MORGANA: But he's just a boy. ARTHUR(a heavy sigh): I know. INT. KING'S PALACE (HALL OF RECORDS) - NIGHT 1. UK. 6 GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH is anxiously examining a book of heraldry. He sees GAIUS enter. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH : Gaius! Thank God. GAIUS: You know why I'm here? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: The Black Knight. GAIUS: So it is he? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: You saw his crest. GAIUS: Have you confirmed it? He looks down at the book ... GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: It is the crest of Tristan de Bois. GAIUS: And he's the only Knight to ever have carried that crest? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: According to the records. GAIUS sighs, concerned, his fears confirmed. He turns to leave. INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 1. UK. 7 UTHER is alone, he hears a noise at the door and reacts - fearful of what it might be. A moment, he moves toward his sword lying on a table. He rests his hand lightly on it and looks anxiously toward the door... UTHER: Yes? The door opens and in comes GAIUS GAIUS: I'm sorry to disturb you, Sire. UTHER tries to hide his anxiety. UTHER: What is it? GAIUS: The Knight, the stranger... UTHER tenses again. GAIUS: He bears the crest of Tristan de Bois. UTHER (quietly): Yes. GAIUS nods. GAIUS: But he's been dead for twenty years. UTHER: I know. I killed him. GAIUS: But how do you explain ...? UTHER (short): Dead men do not return. Is that all? GAIUS bows and leaves. UTHER sits alone in the empty room. Despite his denial, UTHER is a troubled man. EXT. CAMELOT (MAIN GATES) - DAY 2. FR. 8 New born sunlight glints on the BLACK KNIGHT's breastplate. He remains almost cemented to the ground. His standard flaps in the breeze, further underlining his superhuman stillness. He does not appear to have moved all night. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 2. UK. 9 The slow beat of a distant drum. OWAIN is standing in the centre of the room. In contrast to the Black Knight, he fidgets about as MERLIN helps him on with his armour. In daylight he looks even more of a boy than he did the previous night. ARTHUR tries to focus him. ARTHUR: Owain, you've never fought in mortal combat before, it's different... it's not like the training I've given you. OWAIN (more fixated on adjusting a buckle): Yeah, I know... ARTHUR: Listen to me. The problem is we've never seen him fight. You have to quickly get the measure of him. OWAIN (bright, innocent): But I have the same advantage - he's never seen me fight. ARTHUR (unconvinced): True. OWAIN: You've watched me. ARTHUR: Yes... OWAIN: And? ARTHUR: And I know no one braver. OWAIN smiles at MERLIN. MERLIN throws a glance at ARTHUR. He can sense his concern. ARTHUR: Remember, all it takes to kill a man is one well aimed blow. OWAIN thrusts his sword at an imaginary target. In a few years he will make a good Knight, but he's still very much a colt, a lightweight. GWEN enters. OWAIN smiles. GWEN: The Lady Morgana asked me to give you this token. She holds up a ribbon. OWAIN is slightly overwhelmed, he looks at ARTHUR. GWEN: She wishes you to wear it for luck. OWAIN:You can thank her and tell her I shall wear it with pride, but... (he turns to Arthur) I won't need luck. We sense ARTHUR's gut churning feeling of responsibility. EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 2. FR. 10 A DRUMMER pounding a slow rhythm. A large CROWD waiting expectantly for the fight, dispersed amongst them are UTHER, GAIUS and MORGANA. The BLACK KNIGHT stands in the centre in his customary static pose. As UTHER enters the tournament ground and takes his seat, the KNIGHT turns to face him straight on. UTHER stares back at the KNIGHT. He looks deeply troubled. MERLIN and GWEN hurry to join the onlookers. Finally, SIR OWAIN strides out from the palace with ARTHUR at his side. For the first time, the young man's nerves are apparent. He walks toward the waiting BLACK KNIGHT. ARTHUR: Find the flow of the fight and try to control it. OWAIN nods, now barely able to speak. He stops a sword distance from his foe. The DRUMMER's beat quickens and intensifies echoing OWAIN's heartbeat. ARTHUR (to both fighters): The fight shall be to the Knights'rules... And to the death. He looks at OWAIN. OWAIN puts on his helmet then lifts his sword, the BLACK KNIGHT reciprocates. As they face each other, for the first time, we appreciate the difference in scale between the two men. It's David and Goliath. ARTHUR: Let battle commence. ARTHUR leaves the ground to take his seat by UTHER, he watches the fight intensely throughout. OWAIN doesn't hesitate, he lunges at the BLACK KNIGHT. In one swift and easy move, the BLACK KNIGHT side steps and parries, forcing OWAIN to look slightly ridiculous. OWAIN readjusts himself and lunges again. The BLACK KNIGHT once more foils him with a deft move. OWAIN (cont'd) ARTHUR's concern intensifies - the BLACK KNIGHT is clearly an accomplished swordsman. UTHER too looks concerned. The two fighters circle each other, suddenly the BLACK KNIGHT unleashes a series of blows. His style is unhurried, precise, clinical, devoid of emotion. All OWAIN can do is block and parry, he's forced backward across the square unable to find a riposte... GWEN: Come on, Owain! ARTHUR (bellowing): One well aimed blow! MERLIN watches on fearfully, impotent to help. The fight accelerates, blows rain down on young OWAIN. The BLACK KNIGHT is an awesome fighting machine, relentless, unstoppable... MERLIN's eyes tighten... Suddenly we're in MERLIN time: In slow motion we see OWAIN manage to unleash a single strike that pierces the BLACK KNIGHT's breastplate... MERLIN reacts with joy. MERLIN: Yes! GAIUS gives him a puzzled glance... UTHER stands up - did he see the blow too? The fight continues at normal speed again, the BLACK KNIGHT shows no sign of injury. Instead, he reacts with a flurry of frenzied blows. As the final stroke lands, the CROWD react with audible horror... UTHER sits down in horrified realisation that OWAIN is dead. The drum stops. A silence. We see the ribbon, Owain's good luck token, lying in the dirt, it flutters on the breeze... The CROWD is silent. ARTHUR hangs his head. MORGANA has tears in her eyes. The BLACK KNIGHT steps over OWAIN's body and throws down his gauntlet again - it lands before the King. BLACK KNIGHT: Who will take up my challenge? ARTHUR makes to step forward but UTHER grabs him by the arm. ARTHUR flashes his father a quick look, and pulls himself from UTHER's grip... But as he turns back to the gauntlet, SIR PELLINOR steps forward and swipes it from the ground. SIR PELLINOR: I, Sir Pellinor, take up the challenge. BLACK KNIGHT: Single combat. Dawn tomorrow. The BLACK KNIGHT stares at UTHER... ARTHUR spins round to UTHER. UTHER brushes him aside and turns away. The BLACK KNIGHT starts to walk back toward the gates... MERLIN watches him, then glances at GAIUS. MERLIN: Should we tend to his wounds? GAIUS looks at him, confused. MERLIN: He took a hit. GAIUS: Owain didn't land a blow. MERLIN: I saw it. It pierced his breast plate. GAIUS: Are you sure? MERLIN (nods): My eyes are quicker than yours. They look at the Knight - He is walking purposefully with no hint of pain or impairment. MERLIN: He should be dead. GAIUS looks concerned. GAIUS: Maybe he already is. INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - DAY 2. UK. 11 ARTHUR angrily pursues UTHER as he enters the council chambers. ARTHUR: Why did you stop me? UTHER: We have to give our Knights the chance to prove themselves. ARTHUR: Have you seen how this stranger fights?! UTHER: And Sir Pellinor will be a match for him. ARTHUR: He's still not recovered from the wounds he suffered at Ethandun. UTHER: I cannot help that. ARTHUR (incredulous): So you send him to his death? UTHER (angry, turning on Arthur - with finality): I didn't send him anywhere. I am not to blame. INT. KING'S PALACE (STAIRS TO BURIAL VAULTS)-NIGHT 2. FR. 12 Darkness. A door opens and two figures appear silhouetted against the light outside. In the half light we can see some stone steps descending toward us... MERLIN: Are you sure we should be doing this? GAIUS: You're not scared, are you? MERLIN: No, I love old crypts. (a beat) I wouldn't be seen dead anywhere else. Suddenly, the door they came through slams closed and the room is thrown into darkness. MERLIN: What was that? GAIUS: Must've been a gust of wind. A beat. They can't see and are unable to move. GAIUS: We should've brought a torch. MERLIN casts a spell... MERLIN: Leohtbora. ....a flame flares - a flambeau on the wall lights itself. MERLIN takes it off the wall. GAIUS: Handy! MERLIN: Yes. GAIUS: Except it means you'll have to go first. MERLIN frowns, then reluctantly takes the lead. INT. KING'S PALACE (BURIAL VAULTS) - NIGHT 2. FR. 13 MERLIN and GAIUS are now in the vault itself. We recognise it from our opening. MERLIN sees various tombs ahead of him... MERLIN: What are we looking for? GAIUS: Move your light to the left. MERLIN does as he's told. The flickering torchlight creates all kinds of strange unnerving shadows. GAIUS: There. MERLIN shines the torchlight on the black tomb. They move toward it. MERLIN (uneasy): We're breaking into someone's grave. As GAIUS reaches the tomb he stops GAIUS: We're too late... I think someone has already broken out. We see the top of the tomb has been smashed open with great force. Debris is lying across the floor... GAIUS bends down to peer inside, the inside of the tomb is empty. INT. GAIUS' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 2. UK. 14 GAIUS and MERLIN return. GAIUS hurries to the shelves and removes a book ... GAIUS: Tristan de Bois was the brother of Ygraine. Uther's wife. MERLIN: Arthur's mother? GAIUS nods. GAIUS: Ygraine died in childbirth and he blamed Uther for her death. He came to the gates of Camelot and challenged him. MERLIN (realising): To single combat? GAIUS (nodding): And Uther won. With his last breath Tristan cursed Camelot to one day suffer his return... MERLIN looks at him. GAIUS: I thought it was just the ramblings of a dying man... MERLIN: Men don't just rise up from the dead though, no matter how angry they are. GAIUS (consulting a book): My guess is we're dealing with a wraith. MERLIN: A wraith? GAUIS: The spirit of a dead man conjured from the grave. MERLIN: So this is the work of a sorceror? GAIUS: Powerful magic can harness the grief and rage of a tormented soul and make it live again. MERLIN: How do we stop it? GAIUS (he looks up - a grim expression on his face): We can't. Because it is no longer alive, no mortal weapon can kill it. MERLIN: Surely there must be something... GAIUS (shaking his head): Nothing can stop it until it has achieved what it came for. MERLIN: And what's that? GAIUS: Revenge. MERLIN: On Camelot? GAIUS gives a slight nod. MERLIN: What does that mean for Sir Pellinor? GAIUS: I'm afraid it doesn't look good. EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 3. FR. 15 The sound of the drum, beating its slow, ominous rhythm. The BLACK KNIGHT stands in the centre of the tournament ground in readiness for battle. His darkness is even more striking now that he's silhouetted against the sun. He stares at UTHER... UTHER is determined to hold his gaze. The eager CROWD has a nervous atmosphere. They cheer as SIR PELLINOR and ARTHUR enter the arena. The pair stop, ARTHUR focuses on SIR PELLINOR to give him his last instructions... ARTHUR: You've seen him fight. SIR PELLINOR (looking at the Black Knight): He's good. ARTHUR (forcing Sir Pellinor to look at him): Not as good as you. Are you listening to me? SIR PELLINOR nods. ARTHUR: See the sun is low in the sky. SIR PELLINOR glances toward the sun... ARTHUR: Keep it behind you. He holds up his hand (in arm wrestling position). SIR PELLINOR reciprocates and clasps his hand. SIR PELLINOR: For the love of Camelot. ARTHUR: For the love of Camelot. SIR PELLINOR and the BLACK KNIGHT exchange sword blows. SIR PELLINOR is an experienced fighter, he gives as good as he gets. He pushes the BLACK KNIGHT back with a series of lunges... The CROWD cheer for their hero. Amongst them we see UTHER, ARTHUR, MORGANA and GWEN. Standing to one side, viewing the fight from a different angle, we find MERLIN and GAIUS. MERLIN: Maybe you were wrong. GAIUS: I hope so. The BLACK KNIGHT parries everything SIR PELLINOR throws at him, until finally SIR PELLINOR lands a blow which knocks the black knight's sword to the ground. The BLACK KNIGHT is momentarily defenseless as PELLINOR thrusts his sword into his chest with what looks like a fatal blow - the crowd gasp and cheer as they see SIR PELLINOR's sword penetrate the BLACK KNIGHT's armour. SIR PELLINOR steps back, triumphant. But the BLACK KNIGHT doesn't flinch. He retrieves his sword and responds with a series of crashing blows, that SIR PELLINOR struggles to block. The BLACK KNIGHT is unstoppable, a killing machine. He lands a fatal strike that coincides with a drum beat... We cut away to UTHER's face, appalled by what he's witnessed... The crowd look shocked. We go to GWEN and MORGANA. GWEN: The sword went in - I'm sure of it. MORGANA (worried): I saw it too. The BLACK KNIGHT turns toward the King, starts to remove his gauntlet, but before he can throw it down ... A gauntlet hits the ground at his feet. The BLACK KNIGHT looks up to see where it's come from. He finds ARTHUR looking at him ... ARTHUR: I will not see anymore of my men die. (a beat) I, Arthur Pendragon, take up the challenge. A murmur amongst the CROWD. BLACK KNIGHT: So be it. ARTHUR (calling the shots): Single combat. Noon tomorrow. GAIUS catches UTHER's eye. He is white-faced with shock. INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - DAY 3. UK. 16 ARTHUR, a determined look on his face, stands in front of UTHER. UTHER: How could you be so stupid? I will revoke the challenge. ARTHUR: No. (turning on his father) The Knights' code must be upheld. That's what you told me. UTHER: This is different. ARTHUR: Once a challenge is laid you cannot rescind it. UTHER: You are the Crown Prince. ARTHUR: There cannot be one rule for me and one for all the rest. UTHER: I forbid you to fight ARTHUR turns to face his father. ARTHUR: You want me to prove myself worthy of the throne. I cannot do that by being a coward. UTHER: No, Arthur, this will be your death! ARTHUR (he walks to the door): I'm sorry you have so little faith in me, father. UTHER: Arthur! ARTHUR keeps walking. UTHER hangs his head in despair. INT. GAIUS' CHAMBERS - DAY 3. UK. 17 MERLIN and GAIUS discuss what to do. MERLIN: You were right. GAIUS: I wish I wasn't. MERLIN:If Arthur fights that thing, he'll die. GAIUS: He is Camelot's greatest warrior. If anyone can defeat it, he can. MERLIN: But you said yourself, no mortal weapon can kill it. Which means we have to find a way to defeat the wraith ourselves. GAIUS: How do you propose to do that? He runs up the stairs to his room... MERLIN: If no mortal sword will kill it... He disappears into him room and comes back with his magic book. MERLIN: Then I will have to. With mortal magic. GAIUS: Merlin, it's too dangerous... MERLIN: We don't have any choice. GAIUS watches him turning the pages and quietly leaves the room. INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - DAY 3. UK. 18 A troubled UTHER is pacing the room when GAIUS enters. UTHER stops and stares at him in trepidation, anticipating bad news. GAIUS: Good evening, Sire. UTHER: Gaius. GAIUS: There is something of great urgency I must discuss with you. UTHER: Then spit it out, man. GAIUS: Tristan's tomb is empty. UTHER face ices over. GAIUS: I believe he has been conjured from the dead. UTHER is quiet for a moment, then resumes his pacing, his mind whirring. UTHER: How is this possible? GAIUS: I believe he is a wraith. UTHER: A spirit? GAIUS (nods): He has come to take vengeance for Ygraine's death. UTHER (guilty): It was magic that killed her. Not I. GAIUS (gently): Nevertheless it was you he blamed. GAIUS hesitates. He knows he must tread carefully. GAIUS: You cannot allow Arthur to fight. No weapon forged by man can kill a wraith. It will stop at nothing until it has accomplished what it came for. Arthur cannot win, he will die. UTHER: He will not listen to me. GAIUS: Then you must tell him who the knight is... UTHER: No. GAIUS: You cannot hide the truth forever. UTHER (angered): I am the King! You will not bid me what to do! GAIUS (calm) That is your choice, sire; you tell him or let him go to his death. UTHER (threatening): No one but you and I will ever know that secret. GAIUS: The boy is of age, he should know. UTHER: Never. (he draws a dagger) You made an oath, and I warn you not to break it. They two men stand face to face for a moment. GAIUS is first to drop. GAIUS: Very well, sire. UTHER: Leave me. GAIUS leaves the room. UTHER is clearly shaken by what he's just heard. INT. CAMELOT (MAIN GATES) - NIGHT 3. FR. 19 The dead of night. The BLACK KNIGHT stands impassive, framed against the towers of Camelot. MERLIN emerges from the shadows. Keeping to the shadow of the wall he slips along until the KNIGHT is in sight. The BLACK KNIGHT remains impassive, apparently oblivious to MERLIN's presence.MERLIN holds his hand out in front of himself and starts to incant a spell. MERLIN: Cume her fyrbryne. MERLIN's eyes flash and a flame appears from nowhere. The fire races across the ground, encircles the knight and engulfs him in a ball of flames. MERLIN waits, it looks like his magic has worked. But when the flames die down the BLACK KNIGHT is still standing, completely impassive. MERLIN stares at him in complete astonishment. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 3. UK. 20 ARTHUR is preparing for the fight, rehearsing moves with his sword in slow motion, replaying and adjusting the angle of his wrist or the arc of each swing. He's a coiled spring, as anxious as we've seen him. MERLIN comes rushing in, frantic. ARTHUR: Merlin... you know that conversation we had about knocking... MERLIN: You have to pull out! ARTHUR stops what he's doing and turns to look at him. ARTHUR: And why's that, Merlin? MERLIN: Because he'll kill you. ARTHUR: Why does everybody think that? MERLIN: Because they're right. Just pull out. You're the crown prince. Noone wants you to die for some stupid challenge. ARTHUR: I am not a coward. MERLIN: I know that. I've stood there and watched you overcome every fear you've ever faced ... ARTHUR: It's what's required of me, Merlin. MERLIN: But you are more than that ... you are not merely a warrior, you are a prince. A future king. You have proved your courage, but you must prove your wisdom ... ARTHUR: I cannot back down. MERLIN (urgent): Please, Arthur, listen to me. This is no ordinary Knight you're fighting. Look at him - he doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep ... He just stands there in total silence. Doesn't that tell you something? ARTHUR: No one is unbeatable! MERLIN (looking back at him - desperate): If you fight him you will die. ARTHUR: I cannot listen to this, Merlin. He throws the door open for MERLIN. MERLIN: I'm trying to warn you, Arthur. ARTHUR: And I'm warning you, Merlin. He swings his sword. MERLIN darts from the room. ARTHUR slams the door ... INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 3. UK. 21 UTHER sits in the empty council chamber, a haunted figure. There's a rattle at the window, he reacts, looks toward the sound, clearly expecting the wraith to appear at any moment... He turns back and is shocked to see someone standing in his room: NIMUEH. He stares at her fearfully, as if he's seen a ghost. UTHER(realising her involvement): I should've known. NIMUEH (with sense of relish): It is more than I had hoped for,Uther. Soon Arthur will be slain. You will have sent him to hisdeath. UTHER: You conjured this thing. Their deaths are at your hand. NIMUEH: Always so righteous, never to blame... UTHER (angry): Haven't you had your fill of revenge? NIMUEH: Haven't you! You began this war when you threw me from the court and slaughtered all of my kind. UTHER: You brought it on yourselves with the evil you practised. NIMUEH (irked): I was your friend, Uther! You welcomed me here. UTHER: And you betrayed that friendship! NIMUEH: I did as you asked! I used the skills you so despise to give your barren wife the son you craved. UTHER: Never speak of her that way! My wife was worth a thousand of you. And you took her from me. NIMUEH: She died giving birth to your son! It was not my choice. That is the law of magic. To create a life there had to be a death, the balance of the world had to be repaid. UTHER: You knew it would kill her! NIMUEH: No, you're wrong. If I had foreseen her death, and the terrible retribution you would seek... I would never have granted your wish. UTHER: I wish you hadn't. NIMUEH: You wish you did not have a son? Well, that wish will come true tomorrow. UTHER: I will not let you take him. NIMUEH: That is your choice. (a faint smile) I have watched so many people I love die at your hands, Uther Pendragon. Now it is your turn. A beat. There's a rattle at the window and the candles flame and go out. When UTHER turns back, NIMUEH has gone. INT. KING'S PALACE (HALL OF RECORDS) - NIGHT 3. UK. 22 The room is dark. MERLIN is looking through a book, dissatisfied with what he's found. He begins searching the shelves again, he hears a noise, stops and listens. He waits, he clearly shouldn't be there. He starts rummaging again... He knocks a book over, bends to pick it up and sees a pair of feet beside him. His eyes dart upward to see... GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH glaring at him. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: How did you get in here? MERLIN: The door was open. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: No, I locked it. MERLIN: Uh... Someone else must've opened it. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: And you thought you'd come in and help yourself. MERLIN: I was looking for a book. For Gaius... GEOFFREY's tone softens, he looks at the open book, seeing the contents... MERLIN: He thinks the Black Knight is a wraith. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: Then Arthur's in grave peril. MERLIN: Which is why I'm here. (beat) I need to find a weapon that will kill something that's already dead. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH (a beat): I have read of such things, in the ancient chronicles. MERLIN leaps up, excited. MERLIN: What did they say? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: Several fables speak of ancient swords... MERLIN: That can kill the dead? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: The fables speak of swords which can destroy anything - alive or dead. MERLIN: Can you show me one of these fables? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: Well let me think... He starts to search the shelves. MERLIN: I'm sort of in a hurry... GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: You young people always are. He continues searching as MERLIN follows his every move. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: Here we are. The Chronicle of Beltain. Now let me see... He starts to go through the pages as MERLIN waits impatiently. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: Yes, here we go... (reading) And Sir Marhaus looked upon the great sword begotten in the dragon's breath and found it passing good... MERLIN: What did you say? GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: And Sir Marhaus... MERLIN: Not about him... The dragon... GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: The sword begotten in the dragon's breath... He looks up from the book but MERLIN has already disappeared. GEOFFREY OF MONMOUTH: Always in a hurry. INT. GWEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 3 (UK.) 23 GWEN is busy with her chores, she hears a knock at the door and sees MERLIN. GWEN (quickly removing her pinny): Merlin ... What're you doing here? MERLIN: Oh, I've come to ask a favour. GWEN: Yes? MERLIN: I don't know how to ask it. GWEN: Ask, Merlin, you know that I would grant you anything ... MERLIN looks at her - slightly thrown. GWEN: I mean not anything (a beat - backtracking) Obviously, not anything. What is it you want? MERLIN: I need a sword, the strongest sword your father's ever made. GWEN: What for? MERLIN: To save Arthur. I need you to help me. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) / EXT. CAMELOT 24 (MAIN GATES) - NIGHT 3. UK/FR. ARTHUR stands in the window alone, he stares out at the BLACK KNIGHT. We can sense his He hears a noise and quickly turns to the door. He finds MORGANA watching him. MORGANA (for once showing her true emotions): I don't want you to fight tomorrow. ARTHUR stares at her, surprised by her conviction. ARTHUR: Why not? MORGANA (feeling some kind of premonition): I don't know what it is ... Please - I'm warning you. ARTHUR (smiling): You're worried about me. MORGANA: No. It's not me. It's your father. Can't you see what you're doing to him? ARTHUR (doubtful): My father? MORGANA: Obviously. He cares about you. (betraying her own emotions) He loves you, Arthur. He doesn't want to lose you. ARTHUR (recognising ): And I feel the same. But ... I have to do this. A moment, they hold each other's stare. Tears are forming in MORGANA's eyes. MORGANA: I understand. She turns and goes. ARTHUR bows his head and sighs. INT. GAIUS' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 3. UK. 25 GAIUS is preparing for bed. A knock at the door. GAIUS goes to open it. He finds UTHER standing outside. UTHER: Am I still welcome? GAIUS: Have you come to shout at me? UTHER: I'm sorry. GAIUS leads him inside. UTHER: You knew that one day, all this would come back to haunt me. GAIUS: Not quite so literally. UTHER: I should've listened to you. You told me no good would come of using witchcraft. GAIUS: You wanted an heir. You thought it was the only way. UTHER: Nimueh told me there would be a price. GAIUS: You were not to know that the price you'd pay was Ygraine's life. UTHER winces at the memory. UTHER: I cannot let Arthur die... GAIUS: Then you must stop the fight. UTHER: No... I will take his place. GAIUS: You realise what you're saying? UTHER: Ygraine died for him and so must I. GAIUS: Uther... UTHER: I have no other choice. GAIUS: There must be another way. UTHER: No! My death will stop the wraith and Arthur will live. (he sets his eyes on Gaius) It means that you will be the only person left who knows the truth about Arthur's birth. You must swear to me that you will keep your oath. GAIUS (a moment - finally relenting): I will take it to my grave. UTHER: You always were a good friend, despite my temper. GAIUS: I always thought that would be the death of you. UTHER (managing a smile): I must ask you one last favour... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GWEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 3. UK 26 GWEN returns to MERLIN carrying a sword ... GWEN: My father's been saving this. He's always said this was the best sword he's ever made. She hands it to MERLIN, he examines it. MERLIN: It's beautiful. GWEN (slight concern): He'll kill me if he finds I've taken it. MERLIN: It's for the love of Camelot. GWEN: Mmm ... Yes. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARMOURY CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 3. FR. 27 MERLIN hurries through the castle. He carries the sword with him, wrapped and hidden inside a cloth blanket. INT. KING'S PALACE (UNDERGROUND STAIRS) - NIGHT 3. FR. 28 MERLIN hurries his way down into the depths of the citadel. INT. KING'S PALACE (CAVERN) - NIGHT 3. UK. 29 MERLIN steps out once more onto the lip of rock overlooking the great cavern. The GREAT DRAGON raises his eyes ... GREAT DRAGON: Merlin! MERLIN: D'you know why I'm here? GREAT DRAGON: It may surprise you, Merlin, but my knowledge of your life is not universal. MERLIN: It's to do with Arthur, his life is in danger. He will die unless I can make a weapon that can kill the dead. GREAT DRAGON: So what do you come to ask of me? MERLIN bends down on one knee, places the wrapped sword on the ground and unrolls it ... We see the finished sword for the first time. Even in its raw, un-enchanted state it has a simple beauty. MERLIN reaches down to pick it up, but it disappears before his eyes ... Instinctively, he looks down into the cavern and sees the sword hovering in the air before the GREAT DRAGON. MERLIN: Will you burnish it to save Arthur? The GREAT DRAGON considers this ... GREAT DRAGON: That is your destiny, young warlock, not mine. MERLIN: But if Arthur fights the wraith and dies Camelot will have no heir. I will have no destiny. The DRAGON considers this. GREAT DRAGON: A weapon forged with my assistance will have great power. MERLIN: I know... GREAT DRAGON (interrupting him): You do not know. You can only guess. You have not seen what I have seen. If you had perhaps you would not ask this of me. MERLIN: What do you mean? GREAT DRAGON: In the wrong hands this sword could do great evil. It must be wielded by Arthur and him alone. MERLIN: I understand. GREAT DRAGON: You must do more than understand. You must promise. MERLIN nods. MERLIN: I promise.The GREAT DRAGON exhales an almighty blast of fire ... The sword is temporarily lost within the inferno.When the flames recede we see the shining sword - the light flashes off it, almost blinding MERLIN. He turns his head away ... And when he looks up again, he sees the sword has beenreturned to him. It is lying on the cloth blanket. MERLIN is captivated - it has a simple but majestic presence. GREAT DRAGON: Heed my words ... MERLIN stops and turns to the GREAT DRAGON ... GREAT DRAGON: The sword was forged for Arthur and him alone. INT. KING'S PALACE (CORRIDOR 1) / CAMELOT (MAIN GATES) -3 0 NIGHT 3. FR. UTHER standing at the window, looking out at... The ominous unyielding figure of the BLACK KNIGHT standing before the gates of Camelot. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 3. FR. 31 ARTHUR is also standing at his window looking out through the curtains, he's unable to sleep. He hears GAIUS's voice outside his door. GAIUS (O.S.): I've brought you something that might help you sleep. GAIUS enters carrying a small phial. ARTHUR: I'm fine. I don't need it GAIUS (he removes the cap from the phial): Here. It'll relax you, it'll take the edge off your nerves. ARTHUR finally concedes and downs the liquid with a grimace. ARTHUR: I wouldn't drink it for pleasure. GAIUS: Why don't you sit down for a moment? ARTHUR: Mind you... if you forget the taste... the effects are... He plonks himself down on his bed, already succumbing to the sedation... ARTHUR: Quite enjoyable.GAIUS: Lie back. ARTHUR rests his head on his pillow. GAIUS: How're you feeling? ARTHUR: Mmm... GAIUS looks at ARTHUR a moment, waiting for him to drift off. Satisfied that ARTHUR's asleep, he turns and walks quietly to the door. He gently removes the key from the doorlock.... GAIUS leaves ARTHUR's room and locks the door behind him. He walks away along the corridor. EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 4. FR. 32 Dawn. The BLACK KNIGHT stands, watched by a few TOWNSPEOPLE who are setting up for the fight. Amongst them we see the DRUMMER. INT. KING'S PALACE (MORGANA'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 4. UK. 33 MORGANA is at her dressing table. She looks sick, she hasn't slept. GWEN enters with her breakfast and lays it before her. MORGANA: I'm not hungry. GWEN: You must eat something. MORGANA: I can't. We hear the drum beat start, MORGANA looks to the window. MORGANA (shrugs - lifeless): If he dies, I fear for the future. GWEN: Arthur will win. He will live to be King. MORGANA: How can you be so sure? GWEN: Merlin is looking out for him. He won't let him die. MORGANA smiles at GWEN's sweet faith in Merlin but obviously doesn't share it. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 4. UK. 34 The drum beats continue while a drugged ARTHUR sleeps, oblivious to the preparations for the fight that are going on outside. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARMOURY) - DAY 4. FR. 35 A windowless room somewhere in the depths of the castle. The slow beat of the familiar drum continues outside as MERLIN readies Arthur's armour and finally unwraps the new sword from its blanket. It shimmers in the early morning light. He holds it in his hand. Suddenly, the door opens and MERLIN turns expecting to see ARTHUR, instead it's UTHER that enters. UTHER: That's a fine blade. MERLIN: It's for Arthur. UTHER: He won't be needing it today. MERLIN looks confused. UTHER: I will be taking Arthur's place. MERLIN (realising that the sword is for Arthur only): But, Sire... UTHER: Prepare me for battle. MERLIN: But Arthur should be the one... UTHER: No, the grievance is with me, the fight is mine. MERLIN: I do not have your armour. UTHER points to some armour placed nearby. UTHER: This will do. It's likely to make little difference. MERLIN straps on a breast plate. UTHER seems in a trance - he's a man on death row, coming to terms with his fate. MERLIN: I'll get you your sword. UTHER: This one will be fine. MERLIN looks horrified. MERLIN: No, Sire... You don't understand... that one was made specifically for Arthur. UTHER examines it. The sword appears to dazzle almost unnaturally. UTHER: Who made it? MERLIN: Uh... Tom the Blacksmith. UTHER: It's worthy of a King. MERLIN: You'd be better off with a sword you trusted. UTHER slowly wields the sword... UTHER: It has an almost perfect balance... Tom is not the Royal Swordsmith. I'm surprised Arthur went to him. MERLIN: It was me. UTHER looks at him. MERLIN (he shrugs): I felt he needed a better sword. UTHER (surprised - looking at Merlin anew): You do show him incredible loyalty. MERLIN: It's my job, Sire. UTHER: But you go beyond the line duty. MERLIN: Well... you could say there is a bond between us. UTHER: I'm glad... (a beat) Look after him, will you. He sets off for battle, taking the sword with him. EXT. KING'S PALACE (DRAWBRIDGE/TOURNAMENT GROUND) - 36 DAY 4. FR. UTHER walks under the drawbridge. The drum beat gets slowly louder as he approaches the tournament ground and the battle of his life. EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 4. FR. 37 UTHER's P.O.V: The bright light, the noise of a large fight crowd, a multitude of expectant faces and in the centre of the Tournament Ground the BLACK KNIGHT standing motionless and poised for battle... UTHER steps forward. Shock rumbles through the crowd, including MORGANA and GWEN in the stands and MERLIN and GAIUS at the side of the fighting area. The DRUMMER holds his monotonous rhythm. UTHER walks calmly through the crowd, but we sense his tension within. He arrives before the BLACK KNIGHT and stops inches from him, staring into his foe's visor... UTHER: You can have what you want - the father, not the son. The BLACK KNIGHT stiffens and steps back withdrawing his sword. UTHER puts on his helmet. The SPECTATORS watch in hushed silence as UTHER and the BLACK KNIGHT circle one another. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 4. UK. 38 The drum can be heard outside the window. ARTHUR begins to stir, then grabs his head. The drug has left him with one hell of a hangover! He manages to stumble to the window. He reacts to what he sees... EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 4. FR. 39 The battle is on. The new sword glints in the light as it hits the Black Knight's blade for the first time. This is no ordinary sword. UTHER and the BLACK KNIGHT trade blows, two mighty gladiators engaged in ancient warfare as MORGANA, GWEN, MERLIN and GAIUS look on. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 4. UK. 40 ARTHUR rushes for the door and finds it locked. He kicks at it in vain - what the hell is going on? EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 4. FR. 41 Swirling action as the BLACK KNIGHT slashes ruthlessly at UTHER. The King responds, parrying and countering with great skill, somehow managing to maintain his regal presence and command the fight... MERLIN watches the action intensely, reacting as the blows strike. But the BLACK KNIGHT's assault is unrelenting. Suddenly, the sword is knocked from UTHER's hand, it clatters across the cobbles. He is defenceless. He reaches for it, but the BLACK KNIGHT slices at his arm, striking a plate on his forearm...GAIUS and MERLIN react to this turn of events against the KING. UTHER reacts in pain, the BLACK KNIGHT closes in for the kill. UTHER now has only his shield with which to defend himself...In vain, he uses it to beat away the BLACK KNIGHT's blows. It's desperate heroic stuff...MORGANA, sat next to GWEN, looks on in horror. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 4. UK. 42 ARTHUR wedges a spear into the jamb and forces his door open. He runs from the room... EXT. CAMELOT (TOURNAMENT GROUND) - DAY 4. FR. 43 UTHER continues to desperately defend himself with his battered shield, but the BLACK KNIGHT drives him towards the wooden barriers. UTHER appears doomed. We discover NIMUEH concealed in the crowd, she smiles anticipating UTHER's demise. The BLACK KNIGHT makes a final lunge with all his might, but somehow UTHER steps out of the way. The sword buries itself in UTHER's shield. UTHER hits the BLACK KNIGHT around the head, the KNIGHT's helmet flies off to reveal the hideous wraith underneath. The CROWD's shock turns to horror... Before the BLACK KNIGHT can remove his sword, UTHER has regained his weapon. UTHER: Die a second time. UTHER strikes home with the sword, straight into the KNIGHT's breastplate. As he pulls the blade back, the wraith's mouth opens, his final breath hitting UTHER, who stumbles back as the wraith starts to burn and then explodes in a cloud of dust. On MERLIN's shocked face. The sword is all the dragon promised. The CROWD react... An exhausted UTHER looks down at the wraith's remains - an empty suit of armour... INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - DAY 4. UK. 44 GAIUS dressing UTHER's wounded arm. UTHER (smiling - still unable to believe his good luck): I thought you said a wraith couldn't be killed. GAIUS: Yes, it was remarkable ... He eyes the sword on the nearby table. GAIUS: Was that a new sword? UTHER: Best I've ever fought with. GAIUS: May I have a look? GAIUS examines the blade, looking at the runes. UTHER: I was interested in those markings. GAIUS: On one side it says "Take me up", on the other "Cast me away" UTHER: What does that mean? GAIUS: Where did you get it? UTHER: Merlin gave it me. It was forged for Arthur. GAIUS reacts, but the conversation is interrupted by ARTHUR's entrance. The prince doesn't look happy. GAIUS (to Uther as her he withdraws from the room): That should heal pretty quickly. I'll redress it tomorrow. UTHER: Thank you, Gaius. Thank you for everything. GAIUS smiles and is gone. ARTHUR (his anger surfacing): You had Gaius drug me ... I was meant to fight him. UTHER:No ... You weren't. ARTHUR: The Knight's code ... UTHER (passionate): Be damned! I believed you would die. I could not take that risk. You are too precious to me. You are worth more to me than anything I know ... more than this entire Kingdom ... more than my own life. ARTHUR is taken aback, it is the first time he has seen his father like this. ARTHUR: I've always thought ... well ... UTHER: What? ARTHUR: That ... I was a disappointment to you. UTHER: That is my fault, not yours ... You are my only son. (a smile) And I would not wish for another. ARTHUR is unsure how to react. ARTHUR: What I saw ... You fought pretty well. UTHER: Thank you. ARTHUR (preparing to head off): You should join us for training sometime. Looked like you needed some help on your footwork. UTHER: I'll give you some footwork. (offering to land a kick) ARTHUR grins and moves swiftly away. UTHER smiles, pleased he's had this opportunity with his son. INT. GAIUS' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 4. UK. 45 GAIUS and MERLIN are having supper. GAIUS looks at MERLIN. MERLIN tries to ignore him. GAIUS: You know why I'm looking at you. MERLIN: No. GAIUS: Uther told me you gave him that sword today. MERLIN says nothing. GAIUS: It must be a sword of very great power to slay the dead. (a beat) Did you enchant it? MERLIN: No... I didn't. GAIUS: Who did then? MERLIN (he shakes his head): Wasn't me. GAIUS gives him a look. GAIUS: Shame, it saved the King's life, I'd have been proud of you. MERLIN: Well ... GAIUS: Never mind. They share a look, MERLIN smiles. INT. GAIUS' CHAMBERS (MERLIN'S ROOM) - NIGHT 4. UK. 46 MERLIN is asleep. The room rumbles with the sound of the GREAT DRAGON's voice... GREAT DRAGON (V.O.) (a hint of indignation in his tone): Merlin! Merlin! MERLIN wakes and listens... he knows he's in trouble. He swings his legs out of bed and thinks for a moment, what is he going to say? INT. KING'S PALACE (UNDERGROUND TUNNEL) - NIGHT 4. FR. 47 MERLIN returns the well worn route to the GREAT DRAGON, a sense of dread. INT. KING'S PALACE (CAVERN) - NIGHT 4. UK. 48 He reaches the stone orifice and sees the GREAT DRAGON's face loom toward it. The GREAT DRAGON stares at him... GREAT DRAGON (seething): You have no idea what you have done. MERLIN (nervous): I'm sorry. Uther just took the sword... GREAT DRAGON: You have betrayed me. MERLIN: He's the King. I couldn't stop him. GREAT DRAGON: You counted the promise you made to me for nothing. That is something you will regret. MERLIN: I couldn't let him die... GREAT DRAGON: You could. But yet you did not. And now he has the sword you begged from me. MERLIN: I'll get it back... GREAT DRAGON: The sword is in the world. It cannot be unmade. But now a curse will forever lie upon it. MERLIN: What do you mean? GREAT DRAGON: The sword forged by Arthur is now destined to be used against him. It will bring about his doom. MERLIN: What do you mean? Is Arthur going to die? GREAT DRAGON: Everything dies, warlock, it is only the manner of death that is in question. Your actions have made that choice for Arthur. What's done cannot be undone. The GREAT DRAGON turns and is gone. A worried MERLIN stands there a moment, taking in what he's heard. INT. KING'S PALACE (ARMOURY) - DAY 5. FR. 49 MERLIN stares at the blade, shining in the early morning light. He takes it from it's rack and wraps it in a bundle. EXT. CAMELOT (DRAWBRIDGE) - DAY 5. FR. 50 Dawn. MERLIN leaves Camelot. He's carrying a cloth bundle. EXT. LAKE - DAY 5. UK. 51 The calm water of a vast lake. MERLIN takes out the sword, he takes one last look, thenthrows it into the lake... The swords hilt slowly sinks to the depths... END OF EPISODE.

The Black Knight arrives to interrupt Arthur's coming-of-age celebrations and throws down the gauntlet to any knight who will fight him. He kills them all one by one. Gaius discovers that he is Uther's dead brother-in-law, summoned from the grave by the witch Nimueh. He is seeking revenge for the death of his sister, who died giving birth to Arthur by way of magic from Nimueh. Merlin learns from the Great Dragon that only a special sword (Excalibur), burnished with the Dragon's fiery breath, can kill the knight. The Dragon warns Merlin that only Arthur can wield it. Arthur is next to fight the Black Knight, but Uther takes Excalibur and faces the knight himself, slaying him in the end. Now that the sword has been wielded by someone other than Arthur, it is capable of being used for evil; to prevent that, the Great Dragon instructs Merlin to hide Excalibur far from the reach of mortal men.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_06x21

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[Scene: Outside Dawson's House. We pick up where the last episode left off. Pacey is outside the house, trying to figure out how to tell Dawson that he had lost all of Dawson's Money. Pacey is looking up at Dawson's window, when the back porch door opens and Dawson sticks his head out, startling Pacey.] Dawson: Pacey? I thought that was you out here. Were you ever going to come in? Pacey: I forgot you guys don't lock your doors. Dawson: Yeah, well, actually we're going to have to start now that I got all this film equipment in here. Come on inside. There's something I want to show you. You ok? Pacey: Yeah. Yeah. I--I went out after work with a couple of guys. We got a little caveman. Dawson: Ah. Pacey: But I'd love to see what you got going. [Scene: Inside Dawson's Bedroom. We find out that the room he was painting last week was his own room, and now it is the original color it was in the pilot, and the entire room , it made up to look almost exactly like it did in the very first episode.] Pacey: Wow. Dawson: It's pretty crazy, huh? Took me forever. I want to make sure everything is perfect. What do you think? You're the first person who's seen it. Pacey: Well, I would say that this officially makes you the king of procrastination. Dawson: No, no, no. We're going to shoot in here. I know it's tight, but I figured out a way to make the camera fit. And by saving money on locations, we can afford to go all out on everything else. Pacey: Really? Dawson: Yeah. I got 3 credit cards in the mail last week, maxed them out in, like, a day. Got lights, cameras, this awesome sound equipment. I'm going completely overboard, but I don't care. I'm talking a mile a minute. I haven't even asked you what brought you to Capeside. Pacey: [Pacey sighs] Man. Ha! Being in this room, it just takes me back to a whole other era. When the future was a clean slate for all of us, you know? Dawson: Well, the room may have gone back in time, but I think you and I have moved ahead rather nicely. It's about all the obstacles we went through when we were kids. We both ended up doing exactly what we wanted to do. Pacey: Well, there was that brief period of time I toyed with the idea of being a rodeo clown, but I guess this'll do. Heh heh. Dawson: But you made something of yourself, pace, and now you're making something out of me. Pacey: I--I don't know that you should go that far. I mean, you had done this by yourself. Right? Even if you had nothing, this would... Dawson: I'm not...I'm say you're not hearing me, man. I'M... I'm trying to thank you. Pacey: Well, you're welcome, I guess, but, come on, Dawson, I mean, we all knew you'd do this. This was your dream. You just... needed to take a little trip down memory lane, right? Dawson: Yeah, I needed that and a very financially savvy associate producer. I'm giving you credit on the film. So... [Dawson grabs a script from his desk and hands it to Pacey.] Dawson: You're part of this now. So, welcome to Hollywood, where people have meaningless titles for not even showing up on set. I'm sorry. What is it that you wanted to talk about? Pacey: Uh, it was, uh... just, uh, as your associate producer, I do have some concerns about the casting. Particularly the role of Pacey, which I feel has some fairly large shoes to fill. Dawson: You're going to let all this power go straight to your head, aren't you? Pacey: Yeah, I got to enjoy it while I can, right? Dawson: Let me show you these headshots. I gotta tell ya, I don't think these amateurs know what they're getting into. Pacey: No. Somebody ought to warn 'em. [Opening Credits] [Scene: Outside Gram's House. A Cab pulls up and Jen's Mother (Now played by Mimi Rogers) gets out of the cab, and then walks over to the house.] Helen: Thank you. [Rings doorbell and Jen answers the door] Helen: Did you get a haircut? Jen: Uh...no. 5 inches of blond just fell off. It was really the damnedest thing. Helen: It's--it's very French. Jen: Um, come in. Uh, the cab's gone, so--so are your hopes of leaving. Helen: Jenny, please. [They hug, and Jen grabs her bags] Helen: Thank you. Jen: You look good, mom. Not as upper east sidey. I think that divorce must suit you. Helen: Hmm. A lot better than marriage, that's for sure. [Grams comes into the front room out of the kitchen] Grams: Jennifer, did you get the door? Oh. Helen. Hello. Jen: Good start. Grams: Well, what--what are you doing here? Helen: Jen asked me to come. I was so shocked, I could hardly say no. Grams: I can imagine. Helen: I'll just--can I take my bag upstairs? Grams: Oh, of course. Uh, you go on up, and I'll--I'll come up in a minute and get you settled. Helen: Fine. [Helen goes upstairs with her bags] Grams: Jennifer. Jen: [Stammers] I know, I know, I know, I know. You're--you're worried that we're not going to have enough food for dinner tonight, but I've actually already taken care of that. Grams: Jennifer, just don't pull your speed-talking technique on me. You had no right to invite that woman into my house. Jen: That wo-- will you calm down and remember that we're all related? Grams: No, I specifically told you I did not want Helen to know that I had cancer. Jen: Cancer? Grams: The point is, it is my business to dispense with in my own time, and you had some nerve to take it upon yourself to tell her. Jen: I didn't tell her. You will. Oh. Look, I don't think that she's any friggin' Mary Poppins, myself, but I think that she deserves to be in the loop, and I can't do this alone. I love you. [Scene: Joey's Dorm Room. Audrey is sitting on the end of her bed playing a guitar, as Jack Osborne is sitting on the end of Joey's Bed, going through her clothes that are with the rest of her stuff packed up and on her bed ready for her to go back to Capeside for the summer. Jack picks up a pair of Shorts and begins looking closely at them.] Jack: Does she actually run in these? Audrey: I don't know, I guess. [She strums the guitar and Jack sniffs the shorts] Audrey: Oh, ok, gross. No, gross. God, can't you just patronize internet p0rn like a normal person? Must you go rooting around in my roommate's sweats like the homeless man you pretend to be? Jack: My mom was so right about you. This hoity-toity school has made you so uptight. Audrey: Your mom thinks I'm uptight? [Joey walks into the room and sees Jack with her shorts.] I may have some in your size if you want me to look. Jack: These'll do just fine. Joey: I'm Joey. Jack: Ah, the roommate. We finally meet. Joey: Could you please step away from the clothes? Slowly. And keep your hands where I can see them. Jack: All right. All right. Audrey: Jack is here to meet with the dean to discuss if Worthington is right for him or some such hoo-ha. Joey: Right for you? Do you know how many people would kill to come to this school? I mean, I spent my entire high-school career just trying to get an interview here. You just-- if it's right for you? Audrey: You're turning a little red. Now I know that this is new to you, but behold the wrath of the Hollywood offspring. But jack's a smart guy, aren't you, Jack? Jack: I'm smart enough to know if my integrity is being questioned by a couple of uptight wenches. Audrey: Yeah, ok. You know what? You're gonna have to change the t-shirt. So why don't you be a good boy and go root around in your satchel, because Joey and I have to bond. Jack: I'll watch from a safe distance. [Jack goes into the bathroom and Audrey gets up and goes over to Joey and takes her hands in her own.] Audrey: [Sighs] Joey. Joey: Audrey. Audrey: I feel a lifetime moment coming on. Joey: It's not like we're never going to see each other again. Audrey: I know, but... our time in this particular room is over. Anyway, the point is this-- I love you very much, Joey Potter. Joey: I love you, too. Audrey: So much so, in fact, that I could not leave you without a parting gift. You know, something for those lonely summer nights. Joey: Uh, you shouldn't have, Audrey. I didn't... [Audrey gets up and hands her ea bright pinks furry sitting pillow.] Joey: You really shouldn't have. Audrey, I hate this hideous eyesore. Audrey: I know! Which is why you must carry it with you on all of your travels, because, like me, it seems harsh and overwhelming at first, but once you give in to its delicious comfort, you will find that you cannot live without it. Joey: You know what I've realized in our tenure together? That I've never really had a girlfriend, not a good one... and nobody like you. Audrey: Oh, Joey. [Scene: The Grocery store. Jen and Jack are walking trough the store getting a load of groceries and filling up the cart while talking.] Jen: Uh, ok, Jack, what's next? Jack: Uh, tomatoes. Since, um--since when do you know how to cook, anyway? Jen: Oh, come on. How hard can it be? I can read, can't I? Jack: I'm just sorry I won't be there to test your culinary skills. Jen: You're coming. No. I'm not facing my mother without you. Jack: Which is even more shocking than the whole cooking thing. W-why is she in town? Jen: Because I called her, all right. It's--it's a long story. I'm sure it'll all unfold just beautifully this evening, which is why I need you there for moral support, ok? Jack: Isn't CJ. Typically, you know, the moral part of the whole, you know...equation. Jen: Look, I just need the whole gamut of boy power this evening, ok? Jack: Which is why I don't want to be there for the whole, you know, meet the boyfriend thing. Jen: It's really not, like, a whole meet the boyfriend thing. I mean, it--it is, but that's not its express purpose, ok? Jack: Exactly. It's more like a, you know, "good-bye, C.J." Type of night, 'cause he's going to New York tomorrow, right, for the whole grad thing? Jen: Yeah, yeah, yes, he is, but I'm sure that we'll have plenty of time to stare into each other's eyes and pontificate on what we mean to each other. I just need to take care of a couple of things first. String beans. I need string beans. [Scene: The Potter B&B. Joey comes walking up to the front door of the B&B and stops to take a moment and look at the entire scenery, and admire and remember. She turns and walks to the porch and sees and envelope there, and opens it and pulls out a script labeled The Untitled Dawson Leery Script. She sits down and a small smile crosses her face.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Joey comes walking up to the House and notices that the Ladder is up against the house leading up to Dawson's Window. She looks up it and you can see the memories flooding back in her eyes. Dawson comes walking up from behind her.] Dawson: Go ahead. [She turns to him and smiles and then she begins climbing the ladder and we cut to inside the bedroom, with Joey Climbing in the window and looking around there looking at it. Dawson comes in through the window a few seconds later.] Joey: It's perfect. Your eye for detail is creepy. There's no way I'm going to get in that closet and play E.T., But aside from that... it's perfect. Dawson: Now that you're here, it's just about right. [Scene: Gram's Living room. Helen is sitting in a chair across from Grams and Jen and they are awkwardly trying to decide what to talk about.] Grams: But you do seem to be quite well, Helen. Helen: You, too, mother. Did you change your hair? Grams: Maybe a little more gray. Jennifer's changed her hair. Did you notice? Jen: Mm. We've actually already had a discussion about that. I have honey on my hands. Um, I'll tell you what. Why don't you two try to find a topic that is more probing than current hairstyles or--or weather patterns? And I'll go wash up, ok? [Whispering to Grams] That means you. [Jen gets up and leaves them alone] Helen: It shouldn't be this difficult, I suppose, making conversation with your own mother. Grams: I think the problem is the very notion of having to make conversation. Helen: Everything seems to be happening a little too late, doesn't it? I mean, why did Jen call me out here now? Why have we waited so long? Grams: One thing I've learned is to regret the past is useless. You can't change it. Might as well live the rest of your life as pleasantly as possible. Helen: Mom, you've gone soft. Grams: Never. Helen: No, it's nice. I think Jen's made you happy. She seems younger now than she did when she was in New York, running around like a grownup-- a toxic one, but a grownup, nonetheless. If she had stayed there, going the way she was going... she would have run right over me, mom. Grams: Oh, Helen. It wasn't a magical transformation. She just needed a little patience and, um, no access to public transportation. Helen: Hmm. Mm, it's funny. Now that she doesn't need me, kinda think that I need her. Not as much as I needed you, though. I could--I could never repay you. Grams: Acts of love do not require repayment. I mean, what if I needed to call upon you and--and I needed your help, your support? You'd be there for me, wouldn't you? Helen: How could you even ask that? You're my mother. Of course. Grams: I guess you get to my age, you don't want to take these things for granted. Helen: Mom, is everything ok? Is something wrong with Jennifer? Grams: Jennifer? Oh, no. No, no, Helen, no, everything's fine. I'm just a little overwhelmed, I guess. Oh, uh, we need some more water. I'll just freshen up the pot. [Grams goes into the kitchen where Jen is sitting and you can see the disappointment in their eyes] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. It is the middle of the day, and Pacey is sitting at the bar with a drink in hand and filling out an application, when Audrey and Jack come walking in. Audrey sees Pacey and decides to make their way over to join him.] Audrey: [Gasps] Oh, my god. My ex-boyfriend is a day drinker. Life is clearly bleak without me. Jack: I thought you said he worked for the man. Audrey: Hmm. Lets go investigate, shall we? Pacey: Hi. Audrey: Hi. Pacey: Hi. Ahh. So of all the bars in all the world you decide to stumble in here. Audrey: Well, I am stalking you. Pacey: Hey, Jack. How you doing? Jack: Ah, you know, if this is the scene, not so good. I got to take a piss. [Jack leaves them alone] Pacey: So they told me you went away for a while. Audrey: Let's not be awkward exes, Pacey. I was drying out in Malibu. Pacey: Ok. Well, you look great, anyhow. Audrey: Clean living, my friend. So, what happened to your job? I know you're not just taking a long lunch break. You're a little too hard-core for that. Pacey: Well, I've been reassessing how I allocate my time. Audrey: So you're drinking? Pacey: I'm thinking about it. Audrey: You're thinking about taking a tasty downward spiral? Oh, you'd better quit while you're ahead. You're not cut out for this. Pacey: What are you talking about? I could spiral with the best of them. Speaking of... shouldn't you really avoid places like this? Audrey: I, um, can't hide from my problems forever. It's kind of how I ended up in rehab in the first place, right? Pacey: Well, that's brave of you. But you were always good like that. Audrey: Yeah, well, I'll be your personal superhero, ok? Pacey: Ok. Audrey: Unless of course you want to spend the rest of your days hiding out in dives like this. What are you hiding from, Pacey? Pacey: I'm hiding from the suit, because it's evil. Bad things happen when it's on. I allowed people to believe in me for a second, which was foolish, and now it's really coming back to bite them in the ass. Audrey: You know what? This isn't you talking. This is your former self rearing its ugly head. Come on, Pacey. I know moments like these. One path is the harsh reality, and one path is the comfortably numb. But guess what? In the morning, when you're all sobered up, the problem's still gonna be there. Only, now it'll be like a big festering wound, and you'll just be the jerk who sat back and let it get worse. Pacey: Well, thanks for not walking on eggshells around me. [Scene: Dawson's bedroom. Joey is sitting awkwardly on the end of Dawson's bed, and Dawson is standing by the window.] Dawson: It's weird, huh? This room used to be the official meeting place where we'd discuss what happened that day. And now it's just a film set, and I don't even know what happened this year. Joey: Yeah. I was kind of hoping I could just climb up the ladder and... magically fill in all the lost time. Dawson: How's that working for you? Joey: Not so easy. Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Maybe I was gone for too long. Dawson: Well, we'll piece it together between the two of us then, right? The lost year of Dawson and Joey. Joey: It wasn't easy. Dawson: What wasn't? Joey: Not talking to you. Maybe it seemed like it was. And I guess it just... became routine, just another thing that I didn't do. Well, like shooting heroin or driving drunk. Dawson: Wow, I'm up there with the dangerous activities. Joey: Or casual s*x. Dawson, for so long, you were the only person in the whole world I wanted to be with. Then somehow you became my only one-night stand. Dawson: I never meant for it to be like that. Joey: I know. I know. Maybe being in this room makes it easier. Having it set up this way, you know, I'm so familiar, and... seems insane not to talk. And sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that... really matter. Dawson: Hmm. Why do you think I've spent years trying to write an entire screenplay about you? Joey: I read it in one sitting. Dawson: Ok. I hope you don't think that I gave it to you so that you could just say all the obligatory nice things. Joey: And why would I feel obligated? Dawson: Exactly, because if I can't get an honest opinion from the girl who loathes me more than anyone else in the world, who can I trust, right? Joey: You've always been this devilishly clever. Dawson: Well... yeah. But... uh, I got--I got-- I wanted you to read it because... well, you're really the only person in the world who can tell me if I got it right this time. Joey: You grew up, Dawson. You grew up. I always wanted to think that you were this hopeless dreamer and I was the adult that escaped. But I didn't escape anything, not really. Dawson: Sure you did. You got out of Capeside. Wasn't that the original plan? Joey: Couldn't escape myself, could I? You were right. So much of what I was fighting was growing up. And I figured out this past year that it's hard for me... to talk about s*x, to talk about... getting close with someone. And maybe... I'm not supposed to lose myself. Now it's not part of the plan. But then again, I never thought that losing you was part of the plan, either. Dawson: I think sometimes... you have to lose somebody completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you. I missed you, Jo. Joey: You got it right this time, Dawson. I missed us. [They hold each other's hands and smile] [Scene: Gram's Living room. Helen is sitting in the chair again across from Jack and CJ who are sitting in the couch, rather uncomfortably.] Helen: So how did you and Jennifer meet? Jack: Oh, no, I'm--I'm Jack, Mrs. Lindley. Helen: Well, yes, I know that. Jack: Yeah, well, t-this is, um, this is Jen's boyfriend here. Helen: Oh, I'm sorry. You're not... Jack: No no. I'm--I'm the gay one. Actually we, um-- we met a few years back. I guess you don't remember me. Helen: Oh, right. That wasn't the best thanksgiving. Um, I was probably drunk. Jack: Yeah. I know I was. That was a joke. I was just kidding. Helen: Jen speaks very highly of you. CJ: Well, apparently not very descriptive. Helen: Well, you and jack are both so attractive, and I don't know what the gays look like these days. CJ: Thank you? Helen: Are you going to school in New York? CJ: Yes, uh, leaving tomorrow actually. Helen: Well, you'll have to call me. I know lots of young people who could take you out on the town. The parkers, who live downstairs from me, have 2 lovely daughters... [Jen comes in carrying a tray of drinks] Jen: Ok, mom, that's enough. My boyfriend doesn't need to be meeting anyone lovely. It not like we're breaking up or anything CJ: Oh, good to know. Helen: Well, I've only just figured out now which one is your boyfriend. CJ: Well, that's because jack acts like a boyfriend. Jack: Well, technically, technically, I am her boyfriend. Jen: Technically, you're not my boyfriend. You don't sleep with me. CJ: Is that the only difference between us? Jen: Look, who's leaving me for higher learning tomorrow? CJ: Hey, come on. You said you were happy for me. Jen: I am, but don't begrudge me the only friend that I have left in your absence. Helen: Jen, you were always so popular. Jen: I know. That was called putting out, mom. [Jack and CJ giggle. When the front door flies open and Uncle Bill comes walking in yelling for Grams. ] Bill: Evie, you get your butt out here. CJ: Uncle bill, what are you-- what are you Bill: Hey, hey, cool it. I got some business with this skirt, and I'm not leaving till it's finished. Evie! Helen: Do you know this man? Jen: Yeah, he's C.J.'S uncle Bill. He--he and Grams had a thing. Bill: A thing? [Grams comes out of the kitchen.] Grams: William, what are you doing here? Bill: Now look, you just don't walk away from Bill Braxton and expect him to roll over like a dead dog. I've been doing some P.I. Work on you, and you know what I found out? You are full of malarkey. Grams: Bill, this is neither the time or the place for this conversation. Bill: That's half your problem right there. You keep wanting to compartmentalize everything in time and space, and you're making yourself sick, and that's why you have cancer, and you're eating yourself up. [A shocked look crosses Helen and Jack's face.] Helen: Mom... is this true? Grams: Yes. Yes, Helen, it's-- it's true. Um... I--I certainly never intended for you to find it out this way. Bill: Look, I don't wanna watch another woman... who I love, give up. Were you sent here on this earth to die alone with your knitting needles, or were you sent here to live a little? Grams: You must have failed to notice that I am not alone. Bill: Yes, I can see there are a bunch of people here who give a damn, and even though you spurned my advances, I give a damn, too. Jen: Grams... aren't you gonna thank bill for doing your dirty work for ya? Grams: [Scoffs] Thank you, Jennifer. I was just... about to do that. Bill: You mean, nobody else knew? Grams: No, bill, nobody else knew, which accounts for the shock on my daughter's face. Jack: I--I--I gotta say, grams, I'm pretty shocked, too. Jen, what's up? You wanna tell me? Grams: Jack, it was not Jennifer's responsibility to tell you. It was mine. Jen: I'm sorry. Helen: This is why you called me? Jen: Yep. I--I don't know. Grams told me that she had breast cancer, and it--and it was just like the whole world melted away, but I had a thousand questions in my head of how am I going to take care of her and how much time do we have, and, bill, I think you're right. I mean, grams, you can't try and be a rock here, because it's--it's not making you any happier or any better, and it's not making your life any easier, so I--I just feel like the best thing for you to do right now is just to be around your family. Helen: I'm so sorry. What can I do? Jen: Well... actually, it's funny you should ask because I think that we have kind of an interesting opportunity here. Grams: Opportunity for what? Jen: To move to New York to live with mom. I don't even really wanna fight about it or discuss it. I just want it to be ok. Grams: Oh, Helen, I--I-- I couldn't dream of... imposing Jen: No, it's not. She lives 5 minutes away from the best hospital in the country. I don't see that there's any imposition in that. Grams: But I--I--I Helen: No. Mom, it's ok. She's right. [Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson and Joey come walking down the stairs from Dawson's Bedroom, and are heading towards the front door.] Joey: I didn't realize how late it had gotten. Dawson: Yeah, when you came over here, you probably didn't expect to spend the whole afternoon talkin', huh? Joey: Call it a nice surprise. Dawson: Well, I've still got one big problem, though. Joey: What's that? Dawson: Same one I've always had, finding somebody to play you. [They walk outside, and find Pacey standing outside, quietly waiting.] Dawson: Pacey. Joey: I didn't know you were home. Pacey: Well, I wasn't really planning on making a trip, but I needed to talk to you for a second. Is that ok, Dawson? Dawson: Yeah, of course. I, uh--I guess I'll see you tomorrow maybe? Joey: Deal. All right. Pacey: Actually, Jo, um... why don't you hang out for a second, 'cause you're gonna have to hear this sooner or later anyway. Dawson: What's goin' on? Are you ok? Pacey: Man, and we were just gettin' back to be friends, too. It's such a shame to ruin that. Dawson: What are you talking about? What would ruin it? Pacey: Money. Money would ruin it. Dawson: W-what happened? Pacey: It's gone. Your money's gone, my money's gone, some guy on long island's money is gone Dawson: What--what do you mean gone? That was all the money that I had. Pacey: I know it was, Dawson, and I honestly thought Stepatech was gonna take off, I swear to you. Dawson: Right. Yeah, o-of course. Otherwise why would you blatantly ignore my request to sell the stock? Pacey: Man, I was just tryin' to do the right thing. Dawson: Ah, damn it, Pacey, this [Joey is standing awkwardly in the middle of this looking back from one to the other with tears beginning to well up in her eyes] Dawson: [Dawson sighs] You're always tryin' to do the right thing. You're always so eager to be the hero, you never quite see all the pieces of the puzzle. Pacey: Dawson... you came to me with your dream because you thought I could help make something of it, and somehow this comes back yet again to the fact that I screwed you over? Joey: Ok, you know what, you two? Let's just stick to the topic at hand. Ok, so we can just solve this problem by going inside and trying to get calm... and we'll talk about it. Dawson: Joey, talking about this is not gonna solve anything. Joey: What are you talking about? Pacey: He means it's not about money. So fine then, let's just talk about what's really goin' on here. Joey: You know what? I see no reason to drudge up baggage from the past just to fill in the moment, Pacey. I mean, let's remember something. This exchange between you and Dawson is purely a business exchange, and I think we need to remember to keep it at that. Dawson: She's right. It is business between us, 'cause god knows we haven't been best friends in a long time, have we? Pacey: No, we certainly have not. Dawson: You wanna know why we're not friends, pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors Pacey: That I made us competitors? No. No. Now--now you're rewriting history, Dawson. Dawson: I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you woulda realized that you and I are not that far apart. Pacey: Ah, spare me the speech. You are not gonna convince me that our world's... are anything alike. You're just upset because I broke outta mine. Dawson: Broke out of yours? How? By putting on a suit and slavin' away at something that doesn't even interest you? You made money. Congratulations. You impressed us all. Pacey: How dare you. You know nothing about me, man. I was good at my job. Dawson: Then why am I broke? Pacey: Because that's life! I didn't make that choice! I have lost, literally, everything! What do you want from me, man? Does this make you happy, that you're back on top now? I mean, you always liked it better when you were in charge, so is this what you wanted? Does this make it all right? Dawson: You don't wanna know me, pace. You wrote me off a long time ago. Pacey: Really? Really? Back when we were the best of friends? When we were brothers? Was I just outta the house every time you tried to call me over the last 3 years? Joey: Ok, can you guys just stop it? I can't stand here and listen to you guys do this anymore. Pacey: I didn't mean to lose your money. I didn't know that that would happen. I'm sorry. Dawson: Yeah, so am I. This-- this was just a big mistake from the beginning, I guess. Pacey: Heh. Ok. [Pacey walks away, and Dawson turns and goes back inside. Joeys just stands there and looks up into the sky and shakes her head] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's Pier. Pacey is sitting on the end of it staring into the water, when Joey comes walking up to him and sits down next to it.] Joey: You ok, Pace? Pacey: You don't have to do this. Joey: Do what? Pacey: Sit out here with me. I know you'd rather be in the house with Dawson, so why do you just go and help him lick his wounds? Joey: Things never change here, do they? Pacey: No... because these are the roles we were destined to play. Joey: No, Pace, these are the roles we chose to play. I mean, look at us, sitting out here on this dock in front of the same house we've been haunting for years. We're practically ghosts of our former selves, and honestly, I don't think anyone really remembers what they're mad about anymore. Pacey: Mm, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Joey: Pacey, if I wanted to go back into that house, I would've gone a long time ago. Don't you know me at all by now? Pacey: Well, I don't want you sitting here feeling sorry for me. Joey: I don't feel sorry for you. I feel for you, Pacey. Pacey: [Sighs] Joey: God, can't you ever tell the difference? Pacey: I don't know. [Sighs] I don't know, because you and I have had a very confusing run of things. Especially lately. Joey: [Scoffs] Ok. You know, and no matter how much I love you or how long I stay with you, you're only gonna remember the moments when I leave. Pacey: Well, you gotta give me that much, because those are pretty much the most painful moments in my life. Joey: That's because you ask for them, Pacey. I'm sorry. You do. Your whole life, you spend so much time expecting the worst that you don't even notice the moments when people are loving you, and, Pacey, people spend a lot of time loving you. Pacey: Well... with all due respect, Jo, my best friend just walked away from me, but that's not even the worst of it. The worst thing is he hasn't even really known me for the last 3 years, so please, clarify that for me. How does that qualify me as a man with a support network? Joey: Well, you have a person sitting right here, don't you? But of course, that's not enough. Not until you let it. Pacey: In what world do I have you? Joey: Look, just because I don't fit into that... place you want me to doesn't mean there's not a place for me, Pacey. Pacey: [Sighs] Joey: Does it? Pacey: Joey, this isn't your fight, anyway. Joey: You're right. You're right. It's not my fight because it's been over for a really long time, Pacey, [Sighs] And it is up to you to make it right. Pacey: I don't know how to make it right. Joey: Well, you're gonna have to figure it out. You know, that's the thing about ghosts. They say that... they don't leave until they're at peace with what they left undone. [Scene: Grams living room. Jack is sitting alone on the couch, when Jen comes walking in to join him ] Jen: Hey. Jack: So... I guess any petty bickering about when you were gonna tell me is pretty much outta the question at this point? Jen: Oh, please. You know I love bemoaning after the fact. Jack: Jen, you just-- you gotta realize that, you know, you and Grams are pretty much all the family that I've got. Jen: I know. Do you remember that time that I went over to your house after grams kicked me out? Jack: Yeah, how could I forget? That's the day you became my hag. Jen: No. No, we're family. It doesn't change. [Grams comes walking in to join them on the couch.] Grams: I will never forgive you two if you make me cry tonight. Jack: Grams... I'm so sorry. Grams: Jack... don't feel sorry for me. Just... believe in me, hmm? That's what I need. Jack: Well, I promise that I will come and see the two of you every chance that I get. Grams: Oh, that won't be necessary. Jack: Ok. Grams: Well, I mean, you don't honestly believe Jennifer and I are gonna leave you to your own questionable devices, do you? Jack: What are you talking about? Jen: What? Grams: Well, my daughter simply rattling around that big house she got through the divorce, and I think we need a man around the house. I mean, you'll have to share a room with Jennifer Jack: Ok, grams, come on. I mean, I--I--I just can't, you know, pick up and-- and leave this place. Come on, guys, I have stuff... going on, you know? And I mean, besides, what am I gonna do, mooch off the two of you for the rest of our lives? Grams: Certainly not. You'll be earning your keep. Jen: I mean, what's really keeping you here, jack? Grams: Yes, what's really keeping you here, jack? Last I heard, bean town had no great hold on you. Jen: You can be an apathetic student anywhere, and Boston Bay sucks. Jack: Yeah, Boston Bay does suck. That's-- that's I way I said, you know, we shoulda-- we shoulda gone to new--New York. Jen: There you go. You've been saying it all along. Grams: Well? Jen: Yeah, come on. This--this place doesn't appreciate your absolutely fabulous gayness. Grams: What do you say? Jack: What do I say? What--what do I say? Well, what do you say? You say, um... well, you say how I can I turn down living with 3 generations of crazies on the upper west side? That's what I say. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Audrey and Jack Osborne are sitting at a table in front of the stage talking.] [Laughing] Jack: Ya ready for this? Audrey: Yes. Ok, just don't mention anything weird about my childhood or anything, ok? Jack: Come on, if I'm gonna sell you, I've gotta exploit you somehow. Audrey: Just get up there. Jack: Ok. [Jack goes up to the stage and grabs the microphone] Jack: So, next up... we have a girl who's near and dear to my heart or at least across from my bedroom window. If I had to be a woman, I'd be Audrey Liddell. She's the toughest blonde I know. Put your hands together. Audrey: Oh, thank you. [Audrey begins singing, and her singing becomes the voice over for the collage of scenes.] [Collage of Scenes: Scene 1 Grams, Jen, Jack and Helen in the kitchen baking cookies. Scene 2 The end of Dawson's Pier. Pacey is there at the end staring off into the creek as the moonlight glitters off the surface, and he is deep in thought. He eventually gives up and turns and walks back to his car, and the camera pans up to Dawson's window and we can see the silhouette of Dawson standing near the window. Scene 3- Inside Dawson's Room. Dawson is standing there deep in though and mixture of hurt and anger crosses his face over and over. Scene 4 Outside the Potter B&B. WE see Dawson's script on the arm of a chair flipping through the pages in the wind. The camera pans over to Joey who is sitting in the chair and has obviously been going though it again, and has tears in her eyes as she looks out into the creek and into the night sky and to the script and back and forth. Fade to black.]

Joey returns to Capeside to find Dawson's script on her doorstep and is overwhelmed that he has written a story about three friends, but Dawson's movie-making dreams are shattered when Pacey arrives comes clean about losing Dawson's money. The ensuing verbal fight opens old wounds and leaves the three friends believing their friendship will never be the same. Also, with classes at Worthington over, Joey says goodbye to Audrey who has to stay behind to attend summer classes. And Jen invites her mother, Helen, over to Grams' house where she wants her to tell Helen about her cancer.

fd_Roswell_02x02

fd_Roswell_02x02_0

"Ask Not" 24th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA02 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode starts inside the Crashdown. Isabel, Maria, Tess, and Liz are dressed in dancing clothes and are getting into a dancing groove. Isabel sets up the music by using her powers on some CDs. The scene flashes back and forth from the party at the Crashdown to Max, who is running to the Crashdown as fast as he can to inform everyone of what happened to Nasedo) Maria: He's watching, isn't he? (Liz looks at Michael, who is stealing glances at Maria. She nods to Maria) Maria: I knew he couldn't resist. Come on. Liz: No. Maria: Come on. Liz: Maria, no. Maria: You know you want to. So, what's up with you and Max? Liz: Nothing. Maria: Oh, I saw the way you looked at him. Did you have a flash? (Liz laughs) Maria: I knew it. (We see Max continue to run wildly through the streets. He avoids running into a man moving chairs and crashes into a table, but gets right back up and keeps running towards the Crashdown. Once he enters, he slumps to the ground, breathing heavily) Tess: Max! Max: Nasedo's dead. Michael: What? Max: He came to me, injured. Said...said it was another alien and that we're all in danger. He died...in my arms. He...he died in my arms. Isabel: Oh, my God. Michael: We have to get Nasedo to the pod chamber...use the healing stones to revive him. Max, where is he? Where's Nasedo? Max: In my room. Isabel: In your room? Michael: Where's the jeep? Isabel: Out back. I'll get the keys. Liz: Oh, Max, you're hurt. (Liz watches as Tess removes the bruise from Max's face) Alex: What should we do? Michael: Nothing. Just go home. Maria: Wait. What about this other alien? Shouldn't we at least try and go... Michael: I'll handle it. Tess: You're not in charge here, Michael. Michael: Well, somebody has to be. Maxwell, let's go. Come on. (The Pod Squad arrives at the Pod Chamber with Nasedo. They use the stones and they glow brightly, then slowly fade) Tess: It's not working. Why isn't it working? Max: I think whatever happened to him is...something we can't reverse. Tess: He can't die. We need him. Isabel: I'm sorry, Tess. Michael: You said he mentioned another alien. What exactly did he say? Max: He said that we were all in danger...that the skins were among us. Michael: The skins. Max: What? Michael: I found this thing out by Pierce's grave site. It looked like a snake skin. When I tried picking it up, it disintegrated. Isabel: Look. (Nasedo's body slowly dissolves into dust) Tess: What do we do now, Max? (Opening credits) (We see a bus pull up to the Roswell Bus Depot. Kyle gets off the bus, having spent his summer at football camp. He looks around for his dad, who is nowhere to be seen. A couple hours later, Sheriff Valenti finally shows up) Sheriff: Hey! Kyle: Hey. Sheriff: Welcome home, son. Oh...I'm sorry I'm late. How was football camp? Kyle: It was great. It was great. You...you're 2 hours late. Sheriff: Yeah, I know. I know. You came back at kind of a tough time, Kyle. You remember I told you about a man who was protecting Tess? Kyle: Yeah. Noriega. Sheriff: Nasedo. Yeah. He, um...he was killed last night...by another alien. Kyle: My strength fails. My vitality exhausted. I cannot find the bull. I only hear the locusts chirring through the night. Sheriff: What? Kyle: Nothing. Sheriff: You ok? Kyle: Yeah. I just...I'm just not looking forward to dealing with all the little green men again. Sheriff: Well, listen, maybe you should...maybe you should cut 'em a little slack, Kyle. I mean, after all, Max Evans did save your life. Kyle: Damn human of him. Of course, he is the reason I got shot in the first place, but what the hell. No conditions are permanent. No conditions are reliable. Nothing is self. (Kyle walks to the car, leaving Sheriff Valenti with a puzzled look on his face) (Michael and Isabel are talking in the hallway at school) Michael: Come back to school. What a great plan. Isabel: I am so not having this conversation. Michael: You realize the killer could be here right now...walking the halls looking for us...and gee, where are we? Hey, we're right here, just waiting to be found. Isabel: You know what? Stop, ok? Stop putting me in the middle of this. If you have a problem, take it to Max. He's the leader. Michael: If we're not careful, he's gonna get us all killed. (Max walks up to them) Michael: Hi. Gotta go. Bell rang. (Michael takes off) Max: We're doing the right thing. Until we know what we're up against, we've got to keep our heads down. Try to blend in. Isabel: I hope so. I'm too young to be dust. (Max walks through the halls. We see him through the skin's eyes. Max feels like he's being watches and ducks behind a corner. He slowly looks back and sees the door to the storage room close. He walks up to the room, opens the door quickly, and creates an energy field between himself and the person in front of him...who happens to be a welder with his mask on) Welder: What was that? Max: What was what? (Welder takes off his mask and looks at it funny) (In history class, Mr Lafeber is talking about the leadership skills of John F. Kennedy) Lafeber: What does it mean to be a leader? In the fall of 1962, John Kennedy was still a young man. The Soviets thought he was a pushover, and at that point most Americans would have agreed. And yet, John Kennedy would rise to the occasion, face down the Soviets, and bring the world back from the brink of nuclear war. Now, this week as we study the missile crisis in detail, I want you to think of John Kennedy, the man. Think what it would feel like to hold the fate of an entire nation in your hands. Imagine what it would be like to come face to face with the very real possibility that your next decision could literally mean the end of the world. (Max arrives at the UFO Center. There are movers milling about, moving lots of crates inside. Brody Davis, the new owner, walks up to him) Brody: Are you Max Evans? Max: Yeah. Who are you? Brody: Brody Davis. You're working for me now. Max: Excuse me? Milton didn't tell me... Brody: Milton's gone. I bought him out. Max: He sold the UFO center? This was his life's work. Brody: Things change. Max: What's all this stuff? Brody: I'm making some improvements. You know, we don't need you here tonight. Go home. Max: But I'm not finished... Brody: I said go home. Evans? If anybody asks, you never saw any of this. (Max is on his way home when he sees Tess sitting on a bench gazing up at the stars) Tess: Hey, Max. Max: Hey. You ok? Tess: No. He tried to prepare me for this, you know? He said there might come a time when...he wouldn't be around anymore and I'd have to fend for myself. Somehow I...I always thought it wouldn't come until we were back home. Max: When you say home, you mean... Tess: Home. (Switch to Maria and Liz in Maria's car) Maria: It is just a matter of time before you weaken. Liz: Thank you. Maria: It's not a dig. It's just a fact. You are in love with him. You can't live without him, and you're going to get back together with him. Liz: No. That's not true. I walked away. From him and her and the entire situation. Maria: Her? There is no "her". Max doesn't care about Tess. He's never gonna care about Tess. The only thing he's interested in... (Maria happens to drive by and sees Max and Tess walking together along the street) Maria: Oh, God. (Liz looks out the window and sees them together) Maria: Liz... Liz: Maria, whatever you're about to say, just don't, ok? (Switch back to Max and Tess' conversation) Max: You remember our world? Tess: Not clearly. Images, mostly. Impressions, feelings. Max: How? Tess: Nasedo taught me a few memory retrieval techniques. I can show them to you some time. Max: Sure. Tess: "Sure, Tess. As long as you keep your hands off me." It's ok. I know how you feel about me...how everyone feels about me. Max: It's not that I dislike you. Tess: You don't have to spare my feelings. Nasedo taught me not to get wrapped up in...this. It's not really who I am. I'm not human. Neither are you. Max: It's the only life I've ever known. Tess: That's not true. You lived another life, Max...a life completely different from this one...a life when you loved me. (Tess reaches out to touch Max's cheek. He lifts his hand to her hand and slowly removes it from his face) Max: I don't remember that. Tess: I do. (There is a noise from inside the house) Max: What was that? Tess: Someone's inside. (Max and Tess enter her house and Max races through to the back. The back gate swings slowly as Max reaches it) Tess: Maybe it was just a burglar. (Max examines the bushes nearby and finds a piece of shedded skin) Max: I don't think so. (It's late at night at the Valenti residence. Sheriff Valenti hears some noise and grabs his gun. He slowly opens the door and finds Max and Tess on his front porch) Sheriff: Sorry. Max: No problem. We need your help. (Morning at the Valenti household...Kyle's alarm goes off and he rolls out of bed and immediately does some pushups) Kyle: 2...3... (Kyle walks out of his bedroom, looks around, and does a double take as he sees Tess sleeping on the couch) Kyle: Dad! Tess: Morning. Kyle: Yes, morning. What the hell are you doing here? Tess: I live here. (Tess looks at Kyle's boxers) Tess: Calvin Klein. I approve. Kyle: Dad! (Congresswoman Whitaker arrives at her office, where Liz is already hard at work) Whitaker: Parker. Liz: Hi. Whitaker: Are there any other messages? Did Mr. Pierce call? Liz: No. Whitaker: Look at me...waiting for my boyfriend to call. Which one of us is in high school? (Congresswoman Whitaker enters her room. Liz takes a moment to come up with a reason why Pierce won't be stopping by anymore) Liz: Actually, Congresswoman...Agent Pierce isn't coming back...ever. Whitaker: What are you talking about? You make it sound like he's dead. Liz: No, no, no. Um...uh...you see, he left this message, a voicemail, saying that he was going away and he wasn't coming back ever and that it was over between the two of you. Whitaker: I want to hear it. Liz: Um...I erased it. It was really harsh and cold and...you know, trust me, you just...you didn't want to hear it. Whitaker: I can make those decisions for myself, Parker. I'm a big girl. Liz: I'm sorry. Whitaker: Voicemail. (In history class, Mr. Lafeber is discussing more of the Cuban Missile Crisis) Lafeber: Day 4 of the crisis. Kennedy is getting pressure from all sides. The military wants an attack. The diplomats want a blockade. So what is he supposed to do? One thing is clear: he's running out of time. The missiles in Cuba will become operational any day now. Unless he acts...and acts soon, he runs the risk of allowing events to control him. So right or wrong, a choice has to be made, and it has to be made right now. (At the UFO Center, Max decides to take a look around. He breaks into Brody's secure area. Among other things, he sees a map on the monitor screen with a note at Roswell, New Mexico: Pulse detected 4:33pm, May 14th. He also sees a pentagram device and reaches out to touch it) Max: May 14th. Oh, my God. Brody: Don't touch that! What are you doing in here? Max: Just looking around. I was curious about all the equipment you brought in. (Brody picks up the pentagram device) Brody: You recognize this? Max: No. What is it? Brody: I'm asking the questions. Why were you reaching for it? Max: Just curious again. Brody: It's over, Evans. Go home. Don't come back. You're fired. (Maria pays a visit to Liz at Whitaker's office the next morning) Maria: Hey, I think I know why Max and Tess were, you know, together last night. He was just playing bodyguard. He was walking her home in case the, uh, killer was following her. Liz: You know, you don't have to make excuses for him. Maria: Who's making excuses? I'm just trying to help him, help you, you know, help the situation. Liz: Did he send you here? Maria: No. Liz: He did, didn't he? Maria: Not this time. I mean...no. No, of course not. Liz: Maria, I thought that you were my friend. Maria: This is so unfair. I care about you both. I just want you guys to be happy and together. Liz: Maria, will you do me a favor? Will you keep your big fat nose out of this? Maria: Message received. Man! Liz: Look, I have a lot of work to do, so just... Maria: Fine, fine. You weren't...you weren't serious about the big fat nose... Liz: Good-bye. Maria: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] (Maria leaves and Liz goes back to work. She hears a grinding noise coming from Congresswoman Whitaker's room and decides to investigate. She knocks on the door before entering, and finds Congresswoman Whitaker drinking alcohol while shredding some files) Liz: Oh. Whitaker: Not a very pretty sight, is it? Liz: You know, I wasn't...I wasn't thinking. Whitaker: Don't be shy. It's not every day you walk in on your boss drinking and shredding...but then again, you've never worked in Washington. Liz: Is there anything I can do? Whitaker: You wanna help? Grab a file. Feed the beast. Liz: You're shredding all the alien files? Whitaker: I am shredding Special Agent Pierce and everything having to do with him. You ever been in love, Parker? Liz: Once. Whitaker: He dumped you, too? Liz: Not exactly. Whitaker: What, you left him? Liz: There was just someone else in his life. Whitaker: But you walked. See? You go, girl. Don't you let any man pull that crap on you, you know? Liz: Yeah. Whitaker: Yeah. Who is this bitch who moved in on your man? Liz: Oh, she's, um, just someone. This girl from his past. Whitaker: Oh. Worst kind. Liz: You know, she's not that bad. Whitaker: Yeah, right. Like you don't hate her. Liz: Maybe a little bit. Whitaker: Uh-huh. See, now, let it out. The truth will set you free. Liz: Ok. I...I do. I hate her. Whitaker: That is more like it! Now, does this tramp have a name? Liz: Tess! Whitaker: Tess?! What is that? I hate her already. Liz: I know! (The phone rings in the outer room) Liz: Oh, ok. I gotta get the phone. Um, are you ok? Whitaker: Yeah. Liz: Ok. (After Liz leaves the room, Congresswoman Whitaker's face darkens. She was obviously pumping Liz for information) Whitaker: Tess. (Kyle strolls into his room to find Tess on his bed reading one of his magazines) Kyle: Hey. This is my room and that's my jersey. Tess: Sorry. (Tess starts to take off Kyle's jersey) Kyle: No! All right, look. You wear it. Tess: Kind of uptight about nudity, aren't you, for a guy who reads Jugs? Kyle: Give me that! Tess: Oh...the post-its? Nice touch. Kyle: All right. Ok, listen. I don't know how you do things on planet Vulcan or whatever, but here on Earth we have this primitive human concept called privacy. Tess: Keep talking to me like that and I'll slag you with my death-ray eyes. (Kyle looks a bit uncertain) Tess: Kidding. You Buddhists have, like, no sense of humor. Kyle: How do you know about that? Tess: "Buddhism for Beginners" is also under your bed. How do you think the Buddha would feel about being sandwiched between Hustler and Busty Biker Babes? Kyle: Look, you can't tell anyone about that. Tess: Why? Kyle: Because I have a certain reputation. Tess: Of which, the less said the better. Kyle: I'm serious. Tess: Kyle Valenti, Buddhist. Kyle: Look, I got into it over the summer... Tess: At football camp. They're crazy about it. Kyle: Listen! This...this whole aliens-are-among-us thing...it really screwed me up...made me question stuff...life, reality, my place in this universe...and you don't understand. You...you guys...you people turned my life upside down. I need a little clarity. I need a little peace of mind. Tess: No, I don't understand. I'm a girl from another planet. No family, no friends. Only 3 other people like me in the world. And the man I grew up with...the man who raised me...he was just murdered. You're right, Kyle. What would I know about needing peace of mind? (Tess leaves the room and Kyle is taken aback by her comments. He didn't realize she might be going through the same thing he is) Kyle: Sorry. (At some bleachers, Max explains to Michael and Isabel what happened to him at the UFO Center) Max: It was shaped like a pentagon, and it was definitely alien. Michael: An alien device in the hands of a perfect stranger...a stranger who just happens to buy the UFO center from Milton, or so he says. Max: What's that supposed to mean? Michael: Why would Milton sell? That stupid tourist trap was his life. So one day he just sells to this guy, takes the money and disappears? No, I don't think so. Max: So you're saying he killed Milton? Michael: Well, after killing Nasedo, killing Milton would be like swatting a fly. Isabel: If he killed Nasedo. Michael: Yeah. He's also interested in something that happened on May 14th. Isabel: All right, so it's the day that we got the message from our mother, but that doesn't really prove anything... Michael: Will you wake up!?! Nasedo told us before we activated the orbs that we might be telling our enemies where we are. Max: Keep your voice down. Michael: Yes, sir. What do you want to do next, fearless leader? Max: I'm gonna talk to Valenti...have him try to find Milton. Hopefully he's still alive and just on vacation somewhere. Which means he can tell us more about Brody and how he... Michael: Instead of all this talk, why don't we just break into the UFO center and take the damn thing? Max: Because it's too dangerous. If he is a skin, our best protection right now is that he doesn't know who we really are. Michael: I say that's a load of crap. But ok, fine. We got one vote for breaking in and we got one against. Isabel? Isabel: Don't put this on me, Michael. Max: We are not voting on this, Michael. I've made my decision. That is the end of it. Michael: You know, Maxwell, I don't remember this other life we're supposed to have lived, but I do know I was your trusted second-in-command, and I am pretty damned sure that you used to listen to me. (As expected, Michael disobeys Max's orders and goes to the UFO Center to investigate. Hiding behind one of the exhibits, he sees Brody walk out of a room with the pentagram device in his hand. It starts making some noises and then releases a blue blast of energy which knocks Michael across the room. Brody is surprised that someone was in the UFO Center and rushes over to where Michael landed) Brody: Who's there?! Stay where you are! Hey! Don't move! (Michael, visibly hurt, limps out of the UFO Center) Brody: Hey! Hey! (Back at the Evans household, Isabel is checking to see if Michael is ok) Isabel: They don't feel broken. (Michael winces) Michael: Yeah. Not to you. Max: Nice move, Michael. How many times do we have to have the same conversation? How many times do I... Isabel: Knock it off, Max! All right? He's been through enough. He doesn't need a lecture. Michael: Thank you. Better late than never. Max: I just don't want to see any of us get hurt. Isabel: I know...but someone did get hurt. Michael nearly got killed tonight. Nasedo already has been killed. Something has to be done, Max. We have to do something about Brody. Max: What are you saying? Isabel: We have to kill him. Michael: Wow. Isabel: He used an alien weapon. What human could do that? He's a skin...whatever that means. And he killed Nasedo and he's been stalking the rest of us. We're at war. It's him or us, and I choose us. Michael: Me, too. (The following day in History class, Mr. Lafeber continues the series on John F. Kennedy) Lafeber: What will he do? An American spy plane has just been shot down over Cuba. The American pilot is dead. There is enormous pressure to strike back, but is it the right move? At the right time? Kennedy has no shortage of advice. His own brother Bobby is doubting him, but in the end, it's his call, and whatever course he chooses, history will be his final judge. (Max is discussing his problem with Maria) Max: How did he know? How did Kennedy know to be tough with the Russians early but later to hang back and play it safe, even after they shot down the U2? Maria: I don't know. Max: I don't either. That's the problem. I'm supposed to be this great leader, but I don't know how to make these kinds of decisions. I don't have that kind of insight. How am I supposed to know what's the right course of action? Maria: Hmm. I have a thought. (Maria grabs a book and pretends to whack Max with it a few times) Maria: What are you talking about?! Here you are giving me this history lesson. You haven't even told me what the hell's going on, Max. Max: I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'm just trying to figure out how to... Maria: Yes, yes. You're trying to figure out how to be a leader. All right. Here's a little insight. JFK. He's not so great. Cheated on his wife with tramps. Ohhhh...now there's something you and Jack have in common. You're both involved with tramps. How is Tess, by the way? Max: I'm not involved with Tess. Maria: Just taking midnight strolls with her? Max: You saw us? Maria: Yeah. WE saw you...as in, Liz and I saw you together. Looked like a pretty romantic evening to me. Maybe a little patty-cake on the front porch before you said good night? Max: No. It's just...it's a long story. Maria: Oh, well, I certainly don't want to hear a long story unless there's a Kennedy involved. Max: I love Liz. Maria: I know you love Liz, Max. You've been telling me that the entire summer. But now that she's back, I'm the one who's doing all the work here. Max: What am I supposed to do? Maria: I don't know. Do something. Show her how you feel, and please, please...do it now. Look, I'm sorry. I know that you're dealing with this "Roswell Missile Crisis" or something...just try and follow your heart. I mean, isn't that what the great leaders always do? (Max, Michael, and Isabel prepare to enter the UFO Center and deal with Brody) Max: Let's do it. (As Max walks through the exhibit hall, he gets continuous flashes of Pierce being thrown across the room as Michael unleashes his power, Hubble being shot, Liz being shot, and himself being tortured in the white room. He then starts seeing images of JFK along with those other images, and realizes he can't let the situation dictate his course of action) Max: No. We can't do this. Michael: What!?! Max: This isn't us. Isabel: I know what you're saying, but we have to do something. Michael: Brody's dead. End of subject. (Max erects a force field between himself and Michael and Isabel to prevent them from proceeding further) Michael: What the hell? Isabel: When did you learn to do that? Max: Awhile ago. Just wait here. Isabel: What are you gonna do? Max: Face him. Find out the truth. Michael: And if he kills you? Max: Then you can be fearless leader. (Max walks into Brody's secure area) Max: What are you doing in Roswell? Brody: Is this one of those "disgruntled ex-employee shows up late at night to kill his boss" stories? Max: I'd hate for it to turn into that. Why won't you answer the question? Brody: Because I'm not here to answer your questions. Max: No. You're here because of what happened on May 14th. Brody: How do you know about May 14th? Max: It's all over your files. Brody: You rehearsed that answer. You're here because of this. (Brody reaches for the pentagram device and Max grabs his arm) Max: You're one of us, aren't you? Brody: That's right. I suspected we were alike, but I wasn't sure. Max: Why are you here? What do you want? Brody: What we all want. To re-establish contact. Maybe even to go back. Will you let go of me now? (Max releases Brody's arm) Brody: Do you remember what happened? Max: Not entirely. Brody: Me neither. 2 years of recovered-memory therapy and still the only thing I can remember about my abduction is the color of the walls, the smell of burnt hair. Max: Abduction? Brody: Yeah, I know. I hate the word, too. I mean, you can tell people you've seen the Virgin Mary and they'll light candles outside your bathroom, but you tell 'em you've been abducted by aliens and they'll write you off as a lunatic. It happened to me 7 years ago. I was driving my car down the Massachusetts Turnpike, and before you know it, I'm in the room and they're doing...something to me, and then I'm back in my car and 2 days have gone by, and I'm in West Virginia. I would have written the entire thing off as an acid flashback. Then my doctor told me the cancer was gone. It was bone marrow. Terminal. A year to live and poof...it's gone. Max: And you're trying to re-establish contact with the aliens? Brody: I have to. (Max motions toward the pentagram device) Max: What about that? Brody: That I bought..I dunno...3 years ago from some guy who deals in supposed alien artifacts. I thought it was a piece of junk, and then on May 14th, that thing just came to life. It sent out this pulse. So I...I hired a team...had them check the entire radio telescope network for anything unusual, and they found something. (We see Michael and Isabel listening in on the conversation) Brody: A signal, Max. A strange high-energy microwave signal that corresponded exactly with what I saw. And you know where this signal came from? Max: Roswell. Brody: Exactly. Do you know what this means, Max? Aliens. I mean, not like they're walking among us or anything stupid like that, but they're actually making contact with people right here in Roswell. Now what do you think of that? So what about you, Max? What's your abduction story? (Max, Michael, and Isabel leave the UFO Center. Isabel reaches her hand around and hugs Max, glad that they didn't have to kill Brody. Michael looks a bit sheepish, realizing that Max was right. We realize the skin is looking at them as they walk from the UFO Center to the Crashdown) (At the Crashdown, Max and Isabel explain to Alex and Tess what happened) Alex: So where'd he get the money to buy the UFO center? Isabel: Well, he helped take an internet start-up company public. Max: Instant millionaire. But when he started talking about his abduction he became a liability. They bought him off. Isabel: Yeah, for $300 million. Alex: Note to self...take more computer classes. Tess: But what about the attack on Michael? Isabel: Brody said the device just went off in his hand. It send out a pulse without warning, so I think it was because Michael was near, but I'm not sure. Alex: But why would it react to Michael and not to you? Max: I don't know. (Kyle enters the Crashdown and motions for Tess to walk over to him) Tess: Uh-oh. (Tess walks over to Kyle) Tess: So what have I done now? Kyle: You know my...my father does consider this to be a very temporary arrangement. You understand that? Tess: Sure. Kyle: All right. So in that case, I just wanted to tell you that I moved all my crap out of the room. You can have it. I'll sleep on the couch or something. Tess: You didn't have to. Kyle: It's not a big deal. Uh, material possessions only clutter the mind anyway. Tess: You tell 'em, Buddha boy. Kyle: All right. I'll see ya. Tess: Hey. Thanks. (Michael just finished an order and waits for someone to pick it up. Courtney walks over) Courtney: So, Michael, how do you feel about piercings? Michael: I don't. Courtney: You should think about it. Michael: Not into pain. Courtney: Well, it only hurts once, then it's about the stimulation. (Maria walks over to them) Maria: Table 4 is waiting. (Courtney picks up the order and leaves, while Michael goes back to the kitchen, obviously trying to avoid Maria) (Liz enters the Crashdown. Max is frozen for a moment, and then walks after her) Max: I need to talk to you. Liz: Max, I need to talk to Maria. Max: Look, you need to hear this. Liz: Maria tried to explain to me about you and Tess the other night, ok? But I don't... Max: This isn't about Tess. It's about you and me. You think I'm gonna forget about you or get over it or something, but...but I'm not. I don't...I don't care about my destiny or my planet or anything else. All I care about is you. So just know this...I'm coming for you, Liz. (Max walks back to the table) Maria: Now that is a great man. Tess: You realize our problems aren't over, don't you, Max? Whoever killed Nasedo is still out there...and he's probably close by. (Courtney walks up to Maria. She needs to use the restroom) Courtney: Cover me? Maria: What else is new? (At the end of the episode, we find out who the skin is. Courtney closes the door behind her, locks it, and immediately goes to the mirror. She digs her nails into her neck and pulls off a piece of skin from her face. She then drops the skin in the toilet and flushes it down the drain)

When Max assumes leadership after enemy aliens kill Nasedo, he commands all to return to normal routines, but several suspicious newcomers arrive.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x19

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x19_0

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate. Leonard: If only there were a solution to that. Sheldon: Seriously. I feel like I've got a fish tank in my pelvis. Leonard: So go to the bathroom. Sheldon: I can't. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: Because I'm trying to decide between getting an Xbox One or a PS4. Oh, pee, why'd I say that? Leonard: Forgive me for asking a stupid question, but why are you being stupid? Sheldon: I'm not being stupid. I'm employing the work of Dutch researcher, Mirjam Tuk, who found that people with full bladders make better decisions. Leonard: Why did I pee before I decided to move in here? Penny: Hi. Leonard: Hey. Oh, how'd the audition go? Penny: I killed it. I was even able to cry real tears right on the spot. Leonard: Oh, that's great. Penny: I know. Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks. Sheldon: Here come the waterworks. Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask? Penny: What is this, my first day? Credits sequence. Scene: Penny's apartment. Bernadette: Can I get your opinion on something that happened at work today? Penny: Yeah, sure. Amy: Of course. Bernadette: Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof or a horrible monster damned to spend eternity in hell. Amy: I'm sure it's lovable. Penny: I'm gonna go with monster. What do you got? Bernadette: Well, there's this lady in our office who's retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for us to sign. Amy: Okay. Bernadette: But no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend and what I was signing was not a retirement card but was actually a get well card. Penny: I'm liking my odds here. Bernadette: So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who's clinging to life are the words, "Hey, Vivian. You deserve this. And at least with you gone, no one will steal my yoghurt out of the fridge." Penny: No. Bernadette: "LOL." Smiley face. Amy: Oh, my gosh. Bernadette: "P.S. Good luck wherever you wind up." Penny: Oh. Why didn't I put money on this? (Phone rings) Hey, that's my agent. If I got the part, it's still the second best thing I've heard all day. Hello? Bernadette: Am I a terrible person? Amy: No. No, it was a mistake. Bernadette: Am I a terrible person that it crossed my mind that she might die and never see the card? Amy: Now I think you're flirting with the line. Good news? Penny: No, I didn't get it. Bernadette: I'm so sorry. Amy: You'll get offered something soon. Penny: I kind of did. The part in that awful horror movie I passed on came back around. Apparently, it's mine if I want it. Bernadette: Are you gonna take it? Penny: I don't know what to do. Amy: Maybe you'll get hit by a car and die. LOL, right? Scene: A coffee shop. Raj: Hey. Emily, right? Emily: Yeah. Raj: I, I don't know if you remember me. Emily: From the dating Web site. Your friend e-mailed me because you were afraid to, then you tracked me down and acted like a lunatic? Raj: Yes, Rajesh Koothrappali. Look, uh, I just, I wanted to say I'm sorry. Okay? You were, like, the coolest person I ever found online, and I got really nervous and I, I just blew it. Emily: Uh, don't worry about it. And if it makes you feel any better, you're not the weirdest guy I've met off the Internet. Raj: Well, give me a chance, you don't even know me. Emily: All right, here's your chance. Raj: Ah, really? Thank you. Fate has given me a rare second chance, and I swear to Vishnu I'm not gonna blow it. Or normal words followed by a charming smile. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: So, first there was PlayStation, aka PS1, then PS2, PS3 and now PS4. And that makes sense. You'd think after Xbox, there'd be Xbox 2. But no, next came Xbox 360. Hmm? And now, after 360, comes Xbox One. Why one? Maybe that's how many seconds of thought they put into naming it. Amy: Can you get the butter, please? Sheldon: You know, however, with the Xbox One, I can control my entire entertainment system using voice commands. Up until now, I've had to use Leonard. Amy: Then get the other one. Pass the butter. Sheldon: Get? Hang on. I don't feel like you're taking this dilemma seriously. Amy: Fine, Sheldon. You have my undivided attention. Sheldon: Okay, now, the PS4 is more angular and sleek-looking. Amy: No way. Sheldon: Yeah, well, it's true. But the larger size of the Xbox One may keep it from overheating. Amy: Well, you wouldn't want your gaming system to overheat. Sheldon: No, see? Well, you absolutely would not. And furthermore, the Xbox One now comes with a Kinect included. Amy: Included? Sheldon: Yes. Not sold separately. Although the PS4 uses cool new GDDR5 RAM, while the Xbox One is still using the conventional DDR3 memory. Amy: Why would they still be using DDR3? Are they nuts? Sheldon: See? That's what I thought. But then they go and throw in an ESRAM buffer. Amy: Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Who's they? Sheldon: Xbox. Amy: You're kidding. Sheldon: No, I am not. And this ESRAM buffer should totally bridge the 100-gigabit-per-second bandwidth gap between the two RAM types. Amy: This is a nightmare. How will you ever make a decision? Sheldon You see? I don't know. What should I do? Amy: Please pass the butter! Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Okay, it's not me, right? This script is terrible. Leonard: Yeah. I had higher hopes for a movie called Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill. You know, it's still possible for you to be good in a bad movie. Penny: Okay. (Reading) Sometimes I feel like I can control the killer gorilla instinct inside of me, but then I see these bananas and I just want to eat them and then kill people. What am I gonna do? Leonard: Well, for starters, I wouldn't eat the bananas. Penny: No, come on. This is serious. Leonard: Uh, uh, does it at least pay well? Penny: Less than I was making at The Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: What does your agent think? Penny: She's thinking of taking a job at The Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: You know what, why don't you just do it? You'll go have fun for a few weeks, make some money, and who knows what it might lead to? Penny: Okay, look, here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orang-utan in a bikini. Leonard: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini? Penny: Both of us. Leonard: So it's a family film. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: Thank you again for dinner. Amy: You're welcome. Sheldon: Good night. Amy: Uh, it's date night. Aren't you, uh, forgetting something? Sheldon: Oh, of course. (They kiss) Did I mention the PS4 controllers light up? Amy: No. Sheldon: Well, they do. Scene: The apartment. Raj: And then after coffee, we went for a walk and she told me she always thought people from India were exotic and mysterious. So, with my mouth, I said, we're just like anybody else, but with my eyes, I said, straight up, Red, hop on my flying carpet. Leonard: So, are you gonna see her again? Raj: Yeah, we have plans this weekend. And if it's a clear night, I'm gonna lay some romantic astronomy on her. Penny: Okay, like what? Show me. Raj: I can't do that to Leonard. This is some powerful panty-dropping stuff. Leonard: You have my blessing. Go for it. Raj: Okay. Penny, two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way. Penny: Oh, that's sad. Raj: It is. But once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies in the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for a single night of passion. Penny: Wow. Leonard: Okay, that's enough. Sheldon: Quick poll, PS4 or Xbox One? Raj? Raj: Uh, Xbox One. Sheldon: Penny? Penny: Huh? Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard: PS4. Sheldon: Wolowitz? Howard: Both great. Sheldon: Bernadette? Bernadette: I like the Wii. Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma. Raj: Oh, my goodness. Leonard: What's up? Raj: I just got an e-mail from my ex-girlfriend Lucy. She misses me and wants to get together. Leonard: Two women at the same time? Nice job, playa. Penny: Really? Leonard: Was it the two women thing or the playa? It was the playa. Scene: The same, later. Raj: What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to choose between Emily and Lucy? Howard: Why do you have to choose? Date both of them. Raj: I can't date two women at once. Zero women, that's my sweet spot. Penny: Unless you're sleeping with one of them, seeing other people isn't a big deal. Raj: But what if one of them asks me what I was up to the night before and I was with the other one? Then, what, do I lie? Howard and Bernadette (together): Yes. Bernadette: What do you mean, yes? Howard: What do you mean, yes? Bernadette: Were you seeing other women when we started dating? Howard: No. Were you seeing other men? Bernadette: No. Leonard: Were you seeing other men? Penny: No. Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask me? Penny: Come on, really? Scene: A coffee shop. Leonard: Thank you so much for letting us pick your brain. Wil Wheaton: Yeah, happy to help. So, what's going on? Penny: Well, I'm having an impossible time getting my career off the ground, and I got offered a role in this crappy horror movie, and I just don't know if I should take it. Wil: Well, I have certainly taken some jobs that I've been embarrassed by. Penny: I wouldn't exactly call Star Trek embarrassing. Wil: I wasn't. Penny: Me, either. Leonard: So, what do you think, is there a professional downside to doing it? Wil: Well, it's tricky. You want to take projects that you're excited about, but sometimes you also have to pay the bills. When you're on the set working on something that you just know in your heart is bad, not Star Trek. Penny: Yeah, beam me up. I love it. Wil: Anyway, those jobs can be soul-crushing. Penny: That's what I'm afraid of. Wil: So, I was in Stand By Me when I was a kid, and it was a huge success. The terrible movies I did came after that. I mean, imagine how that feels. Leonard: Sounds rough. Wil: I'm telling you, this business is brutal. To this day, I hate going on auditions. Okay, I walk in, and I can just feel them thinking, he was such a cute kid, what happened to him? And then I don't get the job, and I can never find out why. Honestly, I get so depressed, there are entire weeks that I can't even get out of bed. Leonard: Okay, this was helpful. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The stairwell. Raj: Any news on your co-worker who's in the hospital? Bernadette: Poor thing, she was in surgery for 18 hours. She's alive, but she's still in critical condition. Raj: Oh, no. Bernadette: The one bit of good news is they put her in a medically induced coma before she read the card. So, you know, silver linings. Howard: Were you like this when I married you? Scene: The apartment. Leonard (on phone): Don't worry about it, buddy. Okay, bye. That was Wil, he's feeling a lot better. Apparently, he's 12-down in the TV Guide crossword puzzle. Raj: Did he help you make a decision about the movie? Penny: No. Did you figure out what you're gonna do about the two girls? Raj: As a matter of fact, I did. I've spent so many years living in fear, saying no to new experiences, but from now on, I'm gonna say yes, yes to love, yes to adventure, yes to life. Whatever it may be, the answer's going to be yes. Howard: He's gonna die alone, right? Leonard: Yes. Penny: Yes. Bernadette: Yes. Scene: An electrical store. Amy: I'm proud of you, Sheldon. Sheldon: You know, I'm proud of me, too. I've done all my research, I conducted an informal poll, and I've arrived at the rock-solid certainty I've made the right choice. Amy: Well, that's got to be a good feeling. Sheldon: Oh, it is. Although. Amy: Oh, crap. Sheldon: I had the same feeling when I made my dad buy a Betamax instead of a VHS. Amy: You were just a little kid. Sheldon: Yeah, a little kid who picked the wrong format to record The MacNeil/Lehrer Report. Now I also was certain that HD DVD would win out over Blu-ray. Amy: How old were you then? Sheldon: Old enough to know better. You know, and now that I think about it, I stood in front of a case of iPods and I bought a Zune. Amy: What's a Zune? Sheldon: Yeah, exactly. It's an MP3 player brought to us by the makers of Xbox. Amy: No, what are you doing? No, no, pick that back up. You know it's good. You did the research. Sheldon: But what if I'm wrong? Amy: You know what? How about I buy it for you? How about I buy you both? Sheldon: You know I only have one slot available in my entertainment centre. Amy: Then I'll buy you a new entertainment centre. Sheldon: Well, yeah, okay, sure. But which one? Amy: How about this? I've heard that if you flip a coin, it will tell you how you actually feel. Because you'll either be disappointed or excited by the outcome. Sheldon: Interesting. Amy: So, heads it's PS4, tails it's Xbox One. Sheldon: All right, I'll try. Amy: What is it? Sheldon: A quarter. Amy: Could have given it back to me. That was a choice. Scene: A restaurant. Raj: You look, you look really pretty tonight. Emily: Thanks. I love that jacket. Raj: Thank you. Thanks, thanks. I'm sorry. I can't do this. My, my ex-girlfriend e-mailed me, and I'm seeing her Saturday, And I'm glad you like it, it's from J. Crew. Emily: I don't understand. Raj: My friends told me it was okay to see more than one person at a time, but it, it feels like I'm being deceitful. Emily: Are you getting back together with her? Raj: No. I, I have no idea. What would you do? Emily: Uh, usually on first dates, I talk about music and stuff, but I was promised weird, so let's do this. How serious were you two? Raj: Well, to be honest, we only went on four dates, hugged twice, kissed once, and there was a handshake loaded with sexual innuendo. Emily: Wait, so, a girl you never slept with sent you an e-mail and you felt so guilty about it that you had to tell me? Raj: Yeah. Emily: That's kind of adorable. Raj: Are you, are you sure? Because this is the part of the night where I've said something stupid and the girl usually leaves. Emily: I'm still here. Raj: Yeah, but now you make me wonder what's wrong with you. Emily: We just met. You don't need to tell me about other people you're seeing. Raj: Really? Because I'm dating two women is basically the only cool thing I can say about myself. Scene: The electrical store. Sheldon: On the one hand, the Xbox One has a better camera, but the PS4 has a removable hard drive. Thoughts? Amy: I can't feel my legs. Store assistant: Oh, I'm sorry, guys, but the store closed five minutes ago. Sheldon: But I haven't decided yet. Store assistant: You'll have to come back tomorrow. The registers are closed. Amy: Let's get you some food. You, You'll feel better after you eat. Sheldon: Okay. Amy: What-what do you want, like, Thai food? A burger? Sheldon: I don't know. Hey, look, a quarter. Scene: A film set. Penny is being fitted with gorilla hands. Costume guy: How's that feel? Penny: Great. Not like regret at all. Wil: Penny? We're working together. Awesome.

Decision time: Raj must decide if to date both Emily and Lucy, Penny must decide whether to accept a role in a horrible horror movie, Serial Apeist 2, and Sheldon is torn between buying a PlayStation 4 or an Xbox One. Sheldon's decision ramblings annoy Amy during their dinner date where she fakes exaggerated interest, then pondering his choices for hours at Best Buy. Leonard and Penny talk to Wil Wheaton to ask for career advise. Wil instead remembers his career rejections and hardships in the acting industry and ends up being depressed. After accepting the job, Penny discovers Wil is the bikini-clad orang-utan she must wrestle in the film. Emily tells Raj she doesn't mind him dating someone else, so he keeps on seeing her. Meanwhile, after signing a card for a co-worker she thought was retiring, Bernadette discovers her message is highly inappropriate as the card is actually a "get well" card for the woman, who has been in a terrible accident.

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Following a "Previously on The Big Bang Theory" section Scene: A Soyuz Spaceship capsule. Mission Control (in Russian): Launch step twelve reading okay. Cosmonaut (in Russian): Launch step twelve acknowledged. Howard: Hey Mike? Mike Massimino: Yeah. Howard: I changed my mind. I don't want to do this. Mike: Good one. Howard: Yeah, I'm a funny guy. I also have a hysterical bit planned for later where I pretend to cry through the whole launch. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Sheldon, what channel is NASA TV? Sheldon: 289, right between the Game Show Network at 288 and the East coast feed of the Disney Channel on 290. Amy: I love his eidetic memory, it's so sexy. Sheldon, what are the ingredients in Pringles? Sheldon: Dried potatoes, vegetable oil, corn flower, wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, and my favourite ingredient of all, uniformity. Amy: The uterus quivers, does it not? Leonard: There's Howard's rocket, live from Kazakhstan. Bernadette: Oh, God, I'm so nervous. I don't think I can watch. Raj: You're nervous? I've been stress-eating for four days. Look at me. I'm wearing my fat pants. Sheldon: Remarkable. In just under a half hour, 200 metric tons of fuel will ignite in a controlled explosion right beneath Howard's keister. And all from a country whose entire contribution to the global economy, has been Tetris and mail-order brides. Bernadette: Give me those damn Pringles. Scene: Soyuz capsule. Cosmonaut (in Russian): Are all of the systems of the ship ready? Mission Control: Da. Mike: Okay, we're in the final countdown. How you doing over there? Howard: Good! Good! Oh, quick question, I missed it in the briefing. How much urine do these suits hold? Credits sequence. Scene: Soyuz capsule. Mike: Hey, Froot Loops, want to hit your fan switch? Howard: Check. Cosmonaut: He calls you Froot Loops because of your very gay haircut? Howard: No, it's 'cause I live with my mom and she makes me Froot Loops. Cosmonaut: Go with gay story, people are more accepting of that. Mike: Actually, Froot Loops just got married to a girl. Cosmonaut: Congratulations. Howard: Thanks, we decided to do it before the launch. Cosmonaut: You and Mrs. Loops have a big wedding? Howard: Not exactly. Listen, if you don't mind, I'm not really up for chatting. I'm just going to sit here quietly and let my life flash before my eyes. That went really quick. Let me try it again. Scene: Howard's bedroom. Howard: Close your eyes. Put out your hand. I got you something special. Bernadette: Come on, Howard. I'm not falling for that again. Howard: No, here. Bernadette: Oh, Howie. A little star, it's beautiful. Put it on me. Howard: Okay, but I'm going to have to get it back from you so I can take it to the International Space Station. That way, when I come home, you will have a star that was actually in space. Bernadette: Oh, my God. Howard: Take that, every guy who's ever bought you anything. Bernadette: This is the most amazing gift I've ever gotten. Howard: Really? Well, if you like it that much, then close your eyes and put out your hand. Mrs Wolowitz (off): 'm going to the supermarket to buy snacks for your trip. Do you want me to get those little boxes of Froot Loops you like? Howard: No! When I eat Froot Loops, the other astronauts make fun of me! Bernadette: Howard, I don't want to wait until you're back to get married. Howard: What? Bernadette: I want to be married to you before you get in that rocket. Howard: But I'm leaving in two days. Mrs Wolowitz (off): What about Apple Jacks? Howard: I don't need to take cereal. Mrs Wolowitz (off): What kind of breakfast do you think they're going to give you in Russia? Howard: They invented blintzes. I'll be fine. Mrs Wolowitz (off): They invented the lightbulb in New Jersey. It doesn't mean they hand them out to you when you go. Bernadette: We'll have a quick little ceremony with just our friends, and we'll still have the big reception with everyone when you get back. Howard: Wow. Okay. Let's get married. Mrs Wolowitz (off): You know what, I'll buy you All-Bran in case you get stopped up in outer space. Scene: The apartment. Bernadette: So anyway, we decided to go down to City Hall this afternoon get married, and then have the reception when Howard gets back. Leonard: That's so great. (Others also make encouraging sounds) Howard: I mean, we know it's short notice, but we'd love you all to come with us. Amy: No, no, no, this is not the wedding I wanted! I want to wear my maid of honour dress and walk down the aisle with a hundred eyes on me, while a string quartet plays The Way You Look Tonight. Bernadette: That wasn't going to be our processional music. Amy: Well, it was going to be mine. Sheldon: Thank you for the invitation, but I have to decline because it doesn't sound like something I'll enjoy. Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, it'll be fun. Sheldon: That's what you said about The Green Lantern movie. You were 114 minutes of wrong. Bernadette: So, what do you say, Amy? Amy: Can I wear my maid of honour dress? Bernadette: Seriously? You're going to wear that thing to City Hall? Amy: It's all I have left. You're going to take that from me, too? Scene: City Hall. Penny: Amy, you look great. Amy: I know. Leonard: Where'd you get a beer? Raj: From that happy young couple over there with all the tattoos. Beautiful story, they're in rival drug gangs, and they're getting married. Shh, no one can know. Amy: Look at all these people in love. It kind of gets you thinking, doesn't it? Sheldon: It does, indeed. Leonard, is it awkward being here with Penny given that you recently proposed to her? Howard: You proposed to Penny? Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. Raj: Where did he pop the question? What did you say? Leonard: She said no, can we drop it now? Penny: It wasn't a real proposal. Bernadette: Why wasn't it a real proposal? Sheldon: He asked her during coitus. Howard: Did you get down on one knee or were you already there? Bernadette: Howard, don't talk like that on your wedding day. Howard: I'm sorry, Ma... Bernadette. Ma... Burna... You're ma Bernadette. Penny: Good move telling Sheldon. Leonard: What, I can't propose? I can't talk to my friends? Is there anything else I'm not allowed to do? Amy: All right, that's enough. Today is not about you two. Today is about Howard and Bernadette and me. Registrar: Folks, can I have your attention. It's five o'clock, we're going to be able to take three more couples. The rest of you will have to come back on Monday. Bernadette: Oh, no. Howard: I got this. Excuse me, but is there any way you could squeeze us in? See, I'm an astronaut and I'm leaving for Russia on Sunday so I can take a Soyuz rocket to the International Space Station. Registrar: Yeah, me, too. I'll see you there. Bernadette: I can't believe we're not going to get married. Amy: Excuse me, I'm going to go see if the couple at the front of the line needs a maid of honour. Scene: Soyuz capsule. Cosmonaut: So, I tell my wife, get a dog, don't get a dog, I'm not walking it, I'm not feeding it, I'm not picking up after it. Mike: You know you're going to wind up walking it. Cosmonaut: I know. Howard: Uh, shouldn't you guys be talking about space stuff instead of dogs? Mike: Dimitri, Froot Loops would be more comfortable if we talked about space stuff. Dimitri: Okay, I'm going into space, and when I come back, I have to pick up a poodle crap. Mike: Is that better? Howard: Thanks. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory bar. Howard: You know, we could always drive to Vegas and get married. Bernadette: No, isn't that kind of tacky? Penny: Hey, I know tons of people who got married in Vegas. Bernadette: Are any of them still married? Penny: Yeah, I mean, not to the same people but... Bernadette: There's got to be some place special we could do it. Sheldon: Leonard, where did you envision marrying Penny? Leonard: Will you shut up? Raj: Well, I know how to make it special. Howard: I told you we are not recreating the wedding from The Sound of Music. Raj: Yes, you made that brutally clear to me. What I was going to suggest is if that you're willing to wait until Sunday morning, the Google satellite will be over Pasadena. You can have a wedding photograph from space. All: Oh! Leonard: That's so cool. Howard: Oh, wait to go, Raj. Raj: I keep telling you, if I wasn't an astrophysicist, I would have been a party planner. It was always a coin flip. Howard: Okay, so we know we're going to do it Sunday morning. Now we need to find a good place for the satellite to see us. Leonard: How about our roof? Bernadette: Oh, I like that. Howard: That's great. Amy: Oh, my gosh. I can't believe my maid of honour dress is going to be on Google Earth. Howard: So, we have the where and the when, but we still need to figure out who's going to do the ceremony. Penny: Well, that's easy. Anyone can go online and get ordained as a minister. I know a piercing parlour where, for a hundred bucks they'll marry you and stick a wedding ring through any body part you want. Bernadette: Great, well, who's it going to be? Sheldon: I'll do it, provided I can perform the ceremony in Klingon. Bernadette: No. Sheldon: What do you see in her? Scene: Soyuz capsule. Dimitri (in Russian): Mission Control, say again, how fast is it leaking? Howard: Leaking? What's leaking? Dimitri: Fuel. Shh. Mission Control (in Russian): Not bad. We feel okay to go. Dimitri (in Russian): Okay, thanks Mission Control. Howard: There's fuel leaking and we're still going to go? Mike: Don't lose your Froot Loops, Froot Loops. Dimitri: This happens a lot. Nine times out of ten, no problem. Howard: What happens on the tenth time? Dimitri: Problem. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Howard: Hey, guys, before I forget, I got you a little groomsman present. Raj: Oh, thanks, man. Sheldon: You didn't have to do that. Howard: Fantastic Four, annual number three from 1965, in mint condition. The one where Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Girl get married. Leonard: Oh, wow. Sheldon: Oh, dear. I was afraid of this. Howard: What? Sheldon: While a thoughtful gift, this comic book in this condition is worth at least a hundred dollars. Howard: Yeah, so? Sheldon: I bought you and Bernadette a gravy boat worth eighty-eight dollars. Which places me in your debt and I can't be in your debt because someday you might ask me to help you move, or to kill a man. Leonard: I doubt he'll ask you to kill a man. Sheldon: Well, what if it's his only way out? I can't risk it. Here is twelve dollars. Now, we're even. Wait, wait, wait, I bought a card. Give me two dollars. And for the record, this is why I hate gift-giving. Scene: Penny's door. Howard knocks. Amy: Who is it? Howard: It's the groom. Amy: Can't come in. Bad luck to see the bride. Howard: Okay, uh, fine. Bernie, I have to go pick up my mother. I'll be right back. Bernadette (off): Why can't she drive herself? Howard: She doesn't want to sit in her dress and wrinkle it so I'm going to lay her down in the back of my neighbour's van. Bernadette (off): All right, just hurry! Howard: Okay, I'll see you later, Ma... uh... lovely bride-to-be. I really got to watch that. Scene: The roof. Leonard: Come on, Raj, we're ready to start. Raj: What, we're ready when I say we're ready. Uh-du-du-du, ooh, okay, now we're ready. Howard: Ma, you want to move your chair over here so you can see? Mrs Wolowitz (off): I'm fine where I am. I don't want to fall off the roof. Howard: You'll fall through the roof before you fall off it. Raj: Penny. (She starts music playing) Mr Rostenkowski: Your new mother-in-law's a piece of work. Bernadette: Not now, Dad. Mr Rostenkowski: She's got a bigger mustache than me. Here you go. Bernadette: Here you go? What am I, a football? Mr Rostenkowski: Like that guy could catch a football. Raj: Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Louder! Bernadette: They all got ordained, they're all marrying us, it's adorable, if you want to hear come closer. Raj: Guys, when I look at the two of you starting your lives together, it fills my heart, It fills my, heart, okay, I'm going to need a minute. Penny: Okay, I'll, I'll go. Howard and Bernadette, I know you two planned on getting married in a big fancy wedding, but when you're in love, it doesn't matter where or how these things happen. It just matters that you have each other. Leonard: Hmm. Penny: Problem? Leonard: No. Sheldon: I think the Reverend Hofstadter is making an ironic connection between your statement about love and your rejection of his proposal in the bedroom. Penny: Oh, grow up. Leonard: Hey, I didn't say it. Amy: All right, that's enough from the both of you. Penny: Well, he started it. Amy: Well, I'm ending it. Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honour. I also want you to know, that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out. Leonard: Thank you, Amy. Very touching. Howard and Bernadette, you are lucky enough to be best friends who love each other. And that's the strongest kind of love because at its core, it has kindness, patience, and respect. Qualities that are hard to find in people these days. Sheldon: Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned. All right, my turn. Howard, Bernadette. (Begins speaking in Klingon) Bernadette: Sheldon! I told you no Klingon. Sheldon: Fine, I'll do it in English, but it loses something. The need to find another human being to share one's life with has always puzzled me. Maybe because I'm so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may you find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own. The Klingon would have made you cry. Raj: I believe you two have prepared vows? Bernadette: Howard Joel Wolowitz, like you, this is going to be short and sweet. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be with you forever. Howard: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Speak up! Howard: Hey, from now on, she's the only women who can yell at me! Until I met you, I couldn't imagine spending my life with just one person. And now I can't imagine spending one day of it without you. All: By the power vested in us, by the state of California... Sheldon: And the Klingon High Council... All: We now pronounce you husband and wife. Scene: Soyuz capsule. Mike: That's ignition. I love this part. Dimitri: Me, too. Howard: I have strongly mixed feelings. Scene: The apartment. Bernadette: Oh, my God, it's happening. Penny: Did I miss it? Leonard: No, come on in. Hurry. Bernadette: I love that man. Raj: Me, too. Penny: I can't believe it. This whole time, a small part of me thought he was lying. Leonard: This is it. Sheldon: Boldly go, Howard Wolowitz. (Russian countdown ends, rocket takes off) Howard (voice off): Oy vay!

Howard and his two fellow astronauts Dimitri Rezinov and Mike Massimino are in the Soyuz capsule, awaiting lift-off to the International Space Station from Kazakhstan. Nervous and not looking forward to the launch, Howard begins to reflect on the last couple of days, revealing that he married Bernadette before he left. When Bernadette receives a necklace from Howard with a star pendant on it which he plans to take with him to space, she tells him that they need to get married before he goes to space. They decide to get married in City Hall that very afternoon with only their friends as guests. Amy is devastated that her position as Maid of Honor has been reduced to nothing, but is allowed to wear the dress she bought to City Hall. Unfortunately, they do not get married that day as there are too many other couples in front of them. Raj then suggests that they get married on the roof of Leonard, Sheldon and Penny's apartment building on Sunday morning, which will coincide with the Google satellite taking new photographs of Pasadena, with himself, Leonard, Sheldon, Penny and Amy as ministers. The wedding takes place successfully. While Howard and Bernadette exchange their vows, the camera pulls back from the apartment roof - showing a glimpse of Mrs. Wolowitz - and then pulls back further to a view of the planet Earth. The episode ends with Howard being launched into space. Everyone nervously watches the space launch from Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Bernadette takes Raj's hand, Penny takes Leonard's hand, and a very surprised Amy has her hand taken by Sheldon who wishes Howard well with the words "Boldly go, Howard Wolowitz".

fd_Doctor_Who_08x11

fd_Doctor_Who_08x11_0

[ Park ] (phone rings) Danny: Clara! Clara (O.C.): Shut up. Danny: Is that how we communicate now? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: Shut up, shut up, shut up. I need to talk to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] Danny: All right. Well, I'll be there in a couple of minutes, so... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: No, no, Not while you're in the room. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] Danny: Oh, stupid me. The very idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: Shut up! Danny (O.C.): OK. Clara: Stay shut up. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] Danny: OK. Clara (O.C.): Things to say. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: Not all of them good. Danny (O.C.): Oh, wouldn't it be better... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] Danny: ...if I was actually there? Clara (O.C.): Oh, Danny, everything is... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: ...better when you're here, but maybe... Maybe not this. OK. Um... OK, before all of that. Before all of the stuff... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] Clara (O.C.): ...that I did wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: I love you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Road ] Danny: I love you. Clara: No, not like that. Not like it's automatic. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: Not like it's how you end the phone call, the sign off, the pat on the back. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] Danny: Clara... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: Danny, I'll never say those words again. Not to anybody else, ever. Those words, from me, are yours now. Clara: So, er. That's a thing. (sound of traffic on phone) Clara: OK, Danny? Er, there's more but that's kind of the headline. OK, Danny, please speak to me, This is, this is killing me. Clara: Danny, I love you. And you are the last person who's ever going to hear me say that. Woman (O.C.): Hello? Hello, is someone there? Clara: Hello? Er, yeah. Who's this? Woman (O.C.): I just picked up the phone, I'm sorry. I found it. Clara: Oh. Um, OK. Er... Can you please just put me back on the phone to Danny? I was talking to Danny. Woman (O.C.): I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Clara: OK, er, what are you sorry about? Could you please just pass the phone back to Woman (O.C.): He was crossing the road. 'I found the phone, it must have just got thrown. The car, it just came out of nowhere. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Road ] Woman: I'm so sorry. (sirens wail) Armitage (O.C.): By now, I'm sure you've heard the rumours, and it is with great sadness that I must confirm them to be true. I have gathered you all here today to say that Mister Pink, that Danny Pink has sadly passed away. I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing his family and friends our sincerest condolences. Mister Pink was an inspiration to all of those who knew him. A soldier, a teacher, a friend. It was no secret that he had a close relationship with Miss Oswald, and our thoughts and prayers are with her too. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's kitchen ] (phone rings, phone rings) Gran: Hello, love. You all right? (phone continues ringing) Oh, of course you're not. Sorry. Of course you're not all right. You know what you should do? You should cry. Let go. Clara: Of what? Gran: It's a terrible thing. Just a terrible, terrible thing. Clara: It wasn't terrible. Gran: Clara? Clara: It was boring. Gran: Boring? Clara: It was ordinary. (phone continues ringing) People just kept walking with their iPods and their shopping bags. He was alive, and then he was dead and it was nothing. Like stepping off a bus. Gran: He deserved better. And so did you. Clara: I don't deserve anything. Nobody deserves anything. But I am owed better. I am owed. Gran: Who owes you? The Doctor (O.C.): Clara! Clara? Clara: Hey! [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Sorry, I was busy. What's happening? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's kitchen ] Clara: Oh, nothing. You know, same old, same old. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Well, you're only human. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's kitchen ] The Doctor (O.C.): So what I can do for you, Clara? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Crater ] The Doctor: Clara? [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Clara: Start her up. The Doctor: Where are we going? Clara: Away. The Doctor: From? Clara: Just away. The Doctor: Well, normally you say work or kids or dishes or dullness. So what's happened? Clara: A volcano. The Doctor: I'm sorry? Clara: I've never seen an active volcano, do you know one? The Doctor: What's so great about seeing a volcano? It's just a sort of leaky mountain. Clara: I've never seen lava. The Doctor: It's rubbish. Clara: Prove it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Crater ] Clara: It's on your neck. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Clara: Do you still have those sleep patch things? The Doctor: You can't have one. Clara: I'm having trouble sleeping. The Doctor: You still can't have one. Clara: Can I have one? The Doctor: No, you can't have one. So, volcano. What's so good about lava? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Crater ] Clara: You told me once what it would take to destroy a TARDIS key. That's what's so good about lava. All seven. From all of your hiding places. The Doctor: Clara, what are you doing? Don't. Be very, very careful with that. Those are very, very... Clara: Do I have your attention? The Doctor: Yes. Clara: Good. The Doctor: No. Not good, Clara. Clara: Danny Pink. The Doctor: Yeah? Clara: Is dead. The Doctor: And? Clara: Seriously? The Doctor: And? Clara: And fix it. Change it. Change what happened. Save him. Bring him back. The Doctor: No. Clara: Five left. Every time you say no to me, I will throw another key down there. Do we understand each other? The Doctor: Well, I understand you. Let's not get carried away. Clara: Time can be rewritten. The Doctor: With precision. With great care. And not today. But you know that of course, otherwise you wouldn't be threatening me. Clara: Did you just say no? The Doctor: If I change the events that brought you here, you will never come here and ask me to change those events. Paradox loop. The timeline disintegrates. Your timeline. And yes! Clara: Yes? The Doctor: Yes. I did just say no. Throw away the key. Clara: I have seen you change time, I have seen you break any rule you want. The Doctor: I know when I can, I know when I can't. Throw the key. Clara: I know what you're doing. You're trying to take control. The Doctor: I am in control. Throw away the key. Do as you are told. Clara: No! The Doctor: Well, either you do as you're told or stop threatening me. There really isn't a third option here. Clara: Do you know what, Doctor? When it comes to taking control, you really are out of your depth. Clara: One last chance. And I don't care about the rules, I don't give a damn about paradoxes. Save Danny. Bring him back or I swear you will never step inside your TARDIS again. The Doctor: No. Clara: Do as you are told. The Doctor: No. Clara: Say it again so I know you mean it. The Doctor: No! Clara: I'm not kidding, Doctor. The Doctor: Neither am I. Clara: I will do it! The Doctor: Clara, my Clara, I don't think you will! Clara: Oh, I'd say I'm sorry but I'd do it again. (Clara cries) Clara: I'd do it again. Well, what are you doing? Why are you just standing there? Do you understand what I have just done? The Doctor: Look in your hand. Clara: There's nothing in my hand. The Doctor: Clara, look in your hand. Clara: The keys, they're gone. They're down there. They've gone. The Doctor: Clara, look in your hand. Clara: There's nothing in my hand. The Doctor: Yes, yes, yes, there is. Look. The Doctor: Did you seriously think that that was going to work on me? The Doctor: They're not sleep patches. They induce a dream state. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Makes you very suggestible. The Doctor: I allowed the whole scenario to play out just as you planned. I was curious about how far you would go. Clara: Well, now you know. The Doctor: Yeah. Now I know. Clara:I love him. (sonic screwdriver buzzes) The Doctor: Yes, you're quite the mess of chemicals, aren't you? Clara: So, what now? What do we do now? You and me, what happens now? Doctor? The Doctor: Go to hell. Clara: Fair enough. Absolutely fair enough. The Doctor: Clara? You asked me what we're going to do. I told you. We're going to hell. Or wherever it is people go when they die. If there is anywhere. Wherever it is, we're going to go there and we're going to find Danny. And if it is in any way possible, we're going to bring him home. Almost every culture in the universe has some concept of an afterlife. I always meant to have a look around, see if I could find one. Clara: You're going to help me? The Doctor: Well, why wouldn't I help you? Clara: Because of what I just did. I just... The Doctor: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I've ever stood for. You let me down! Clara: Then why are you helping me? The Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference? Stop it with the eyes. Don't do that with the eyes. How do you do that anyway? It's like they inflate. Cut out the whining while you're at it. We've got work to do. This is it, Clara, one of those moments. Clara: What moments? The Doctor: The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I. Switching off the safeguards, turning off the nav-com. Remember, we did this before. We plugged you into the TARDIS telepathic interface. Clara: We ended up all over Danny's timestream. The Doctor: Because you and he are linked. Strongly linked. Your timestreams are intertwined. So if he's anywhere at all, that link will hold. Give me your hands. Clara: Doctor... The Doctor: We're in a hurry. Clara: I don't deserve a friend like you. The Doctor: Clara, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm exactly what you deserve. The Doctor: Think about Danny. Think about the man you lost. Let it hurt. Let it burn. But don't bleat. Don't ask, why him? Why me? Forget all that. Ask one question. Just one. Ask, where is Danny Pink now? Where is he now? (TARDIS engines start) The Doctor: Well, the TARDIS thinks he's somewhere. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Seb's office ] Seb: Has anyone offered you a coffee? Danny: Um. Well, no. Seb: Could we have some coffee along here, please? The good kind. We've got a new one. Seb: Five minutes, tops. Best to wait for the good coffee. Danny: Where am I? Seb: Sometimes it's just the instant. Danny: Where am I? Seb: Well, big question. Try to take that one slowly. We have been trying to contact family members, but really there is so much admin... Danny: I wasn't here, I was... Seb: Yeah. That last thing that happened to you, that really happened, I'm afraid. But that's life. Well, not life, I suppose, but. There are some forms to fill in. Might help you relax. Well, they won't, but we do need them filled in. Right, important thing. Need to know. Are you being cremated? Sorry, it's a fairly urgent question. Danny: I don't know. I've never really thought of that. Seb: I'm going to put you down as a yes, that's pretty much the default these days. If people only knew. Danny: Only knew what? Seb: We've got a burner in number twelve. Tell them to prep, please. Danny: Burner? Seb: Yeah, it's fine, we'll come to that. Danny: But I don't understand where I am. Seb: Oh, look at that. You can see my house from here. Yeah, sorry, probably not helping. Danny: Where am I? Er. Seb: You sort of know, don't you? Most people kind of know, it's just hard to get traction on the concept. Danny: Where am I? Seb: OK. You're dead, and this is what's next. Danny: I'm not dead. How can I be dead? Seb: Our sincere condolences. Danny: I'm standing right here. Seb: Yes, you are. Welcome to the Underworld. Otherwise known as the Nethersphere, or the Promised Land. It's where you go when you die. (Danny hyperventilates) Seb: Would you like to breathe into a bag? [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Clara: Where are we? The Doctor: Nav-com's offline. We'll have to do this old school. Clara: But this is where Danny is? The Doctor: Almost certainly not. It's where there's a connection with Danny. According to the TARDIS, this is where it's most likely that your timeline will re-intersect with his. And that won't do. Clara: What won't? The Doctor: You won't. Look at you. I need sceptical, clever, critical. I don't need mopey. It put years on your face. And what if people see us together? It looks like you've been melted. Clara: Are you forgetting why we're here? The Doctor: We're here to get your boyfriend back from the dead, so buck up and give me some attitude. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Entrance lobby ] Clara: Fish tanks? The Doctor: In a mausoleum? Clara: What does that mean? The Doctor: It means those are definitely not fish tanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gallery ] Clara: Why? The Doctor: I don't know. Clara: OK, I'm assuming they didn't actually drown in there. The Doctor: No. They were placed, after death. These are tombs. Water tombs, some sort of fluid, anyway. Clara: With chairs? The Doctor: With chairs, yes. Extra comfort for the deceased. It pays to die rich. Clara: Oh, God. Am I going to find Danny now? Is that why the TARDIS brought us here? I don't want to see him like that. The Doctor: Good point. Tombs with windows. Who wants to watch their loved ones rot? Why would anyone go to so much trouble just to keep watch on the dead? Missy (O.C.): 3W. Death is not an end. But we can we help with that. Ever since 3W encountered the truth about the death experience, 'we have been working hard to find a better life for the deceased. At 3W, afterlife means aftercare. Clara: OK. Bit strange? The Doctor: Very. Why have the scrolling and a voice? Is it difficult? Clara: Is what difficult? The Doctor: Reading all those words back to front. Come on. We've come a long way. Missy: Hello. I hope you're well. How may I assist you with your death? The Doctor: Well, there is, er, no immediate hurry. We're just, er. We're just... Clara: Browsing. The Doctor: Yeah, yeah, browsing. Missy: Please, take all the time you need. At 3W, you always have the rest of your life. The Doctor: Oh, good. That's good to know, Clara, isn't it? Clara: Yeah. Great. The Doctor: Exactly what is 3W? Missy: Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package. The Doctor: Well, you know, it's just an unexpected... Missy: Welcome to the 3W Institute. The Doctor: Clara, is it over now? Clara: I think it's over, yeah. Missy: You also have not received the official welcome package. Clara: Oh, I'm good, thanks. No worries. The Doctor: Who are you? Missy: I am Missy. Clara: Missy? Missy: Mobile Intelligent Systems Interface. I am a multi-function, interactive welcome-droid. Helping you to help me to help you. The Doctor: You're very er realistic. Clara: Tongues? The Doctor: Shut up. Missy: I am fully programmed with social interaction norms appropriate to a range of visitors. Please indicate if you'd like me to adjust my intimacy setting. The Doctor: Oh, yes, please. Please do that. Do that now right now. Clara: Maybe just a tad, yeah. The Doctor: I need to speak to whoever's in charge here. Missy: I am in charge. The Doctor: Well, who's in charge of you? Missy: I'm in charge of me. The Doctor: Well, who repairs you? Who, who maintains you? Missy: I am programmed for self-repair. I am maintained by my heart. Missy: Is everything in order? The Doctor: Who maintains your heart? Missy: My heart is maintained by the Doctor. The Doctor: Doctor who? Missy: Doctor Chang! Chang (O.C.): Who's there? Chang: Hello? Clara: Hello. The Doctor: Hello. Clara: You can probably take your hand down now, Doctor. Chang: So. Hey. Condolences. Clara: Condolences? Chang: It's a mausoleum. It's our hello. Is there a particular dead person you want to talk to? Clara: Yes. Yes, there is. Chang: This way then. The Doctor: Are you OK? Clara: No. The Doctor: Good. There would be something very wrong if you were. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] (traffic noise) Seb: Bit of fresh air. Do you good. Danny: Why's it so cold here? Seb: And the Wi-Fi is better out here. Don't know why. Danny: Wi-Fi? Seb: Yeah, still a bit spotty, but basically... Danny: You have Wi-Fi here? Danny: You. You have iPads in the afterlife? Seb: IPads? We have Steve Jobs. Listen, another big question for you. Have you ever killed anybody? Danny: This is surreal. Seb: Imagine embryos had telephones. Danny: That's really not helping. Seb: Go with me. Go with me. Imagine babies in wombs could talk to other babies in other wombs. What would they say? What would they think life was like if they could talk among themselves? Danny: I really have no idea. Seb: They'd think that life was nine months long. Then, boom, trap door opens, out you fall, gone for ever. Never hear from those guys again. Nothing at the end of the cord. Danny: OK. Seb: This isn't really an afterlife. It's just more life than you were expecting. Danny: Why did you ask me if I'd killed anyone? Seb: Before you were a teacher, you spent some time as a soldier. Danny: Yeah, so? Seb: Any regrets? Bad memories? Danny: Is that, is that any of your business? Seb: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Flashback ] (gunfire and explosions) Soldier: Get to cover, now! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Seb: Sorry if I triggered something then. Memory flashes can be very impactful in the early stages. Danny: Why? Seb: Why what? (gunfire) Danny: Why is it any of your business? Seb: We've had a request to meet you. Any idea who that would be from? Seb: It's been given a priority, which usually means... Danny: Means what? Seb: Well, anyway, we've arranged a meet-up. Danny: When? Seb: Come in. Soldier (O.C.): Danny, repeat, is the building secure?' Seb: So, I guess you remember him, yeah? Soldier (O.C.): Danny? Danny! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Chang: Come in, come in. Going to need to take a reading off you. Clara: A reading? Chang: Won't hurt. Clara: What won't? The Doctor: How does the body keep its integrity? Why isn't it just a bunch of bones floating about? Chang: Each body is encased in a support exoskeleton. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gallery ] Clara (O.C.): An invisible exoskeleton? Chang: It's only invisible in the water. There's a specially engineered refraction index in the fluid so we can see the tank resident unimpeded by the support mechanisms. The Doctor (O.C.): So each skeleton is inside something? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Are you serious? X-ray water? Chang: It's so cool. Look at this. We call it dark water. Chang: Only organic matter can be seen through it. Chang: I keep saying they should use this stuff in swimming pools. The Doctor: Why? Chang: Think about it. The Doctor: I am thinking about it. Why? Clara: Doesn't matter. 3W, what kind of name is that? What does it mean? Chang: Well, you know, don't you? You're here on business or they wouldn't have let you in. Sorry. Should have checked. Who are you? The Doctor: I thought that you would never ask. Sort out your security protocols, they're a disgrace. Chang: Another government inspection? So soon? Why is there all this swearing? The Doctor: Oh, I've got a lot of internalised anger. What does 3W stand for? Chang: Well, the three words. Clara: What three words? Chang: Seriously? You don't know? The Doctor: Never mind what we know and what we don't know, just answer our question. Chang: Because people who don't know, when they hear about this, they can freak out. The Doctor: We're not going to freak out. Chang: If you've had a recent loss, this might be, this will be disturbing. The Doctor: She'll be fine. Clara: Speak for me again, I'll detach something from you. I'll be fine. Chang: You know how people are scared of dying? Like, everybody. The Doctor: Of course. It's the most fundamental fear in the universe. Chang: They'd be a lot more scared if they knew what it was really like. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: So. You OK? I'm sorry. I just... Danny: Hey, hey. Hey, listen. Listen Hey! Seb: Probably best not, eh? Doesn't speak much. Danny: Why would he want to see me? Danny: What the hell is that? Seb: Sounds like somebody left their body to science. OK. Er, It's probably time to explain why you're always feeling cold. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Chang: White noise off the telly. We've all heard it. A few years ago, Doctor Skarosa, our founder, did something unexpected. He played that noise through a translation matrix of his own devising. This is a recording of what he heard. Clara: OK, people, voices. The Doctor: So what? Chang: Over time, Doctor Skarosa became convinced these were the voices of the recently departed. He believed it was a telepathic communication from the dead. The Doctor: Why? Was he an idiot? Chang: He was able to isolate some of the voices, hear what they were saying. The Doctor: So, an idiot then. Clara: Shut up, Doctor. Chang: What I'm about to play you will change your life and not for the better. These are the three words which caused Doctor Skarosa to set up institutes, like this one, all over the world, to protect the dead. If you'd rather not hear these words, there's still time... The Doctor: Can you just hurry up, please, or I'll hit you with my shoe. Voice (O.C.): Don't cremate me. Don't cremate me! Chang: There is one simple, horrible possibility that has never occurred to anyone throughout human history. Voice (O.C.): Don't cremate me. Don't cremate me! Clara: Don't say it. Chang: The dead remain conscious. The dead are fully aware of everything that is happening to them. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Seb: So your mind is here. Your soul, whatever you want to call it. And you're in your new body in your new world, but you're still connected to your old body in the old world. You're still going to feel what it feels. Danny: That's why I'm cold. Seb: They're keeping you in a cold place, yeah. You did say you were being cremated? (iPad beeps) Seb: Sorry, I'll get this. Danny: Sorry. Sorry, are you telling me... Seb: Wow! Oh, that's rare. This never happens. Danny: Wow, what now? What never happens? Seb: You've got a call. Danny: A call. Seb: From the other side. Danny: Meaning? Seb: Do you know somebody called Clara Oswald? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] The Doctor: Fakery. All of it. (beeping) It's a con, it's a racket! Chang: I promise you this is not a con. Clara: What's that beeping? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gallery ] The Doctor (O.C.): Never mind about beeping. Who cares about beeping? The dead are dead. 'They're not talking to you out of your television sets. They're just gone... The Doctor (O.C.): And all these poor souls down there in these tanks, I'm sorry, but they're just dead and they're not coming back. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Danny (O.C.): Clara? Clara? Clara, are you there? Clara: Danny! I can hear you. Is that you? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Clara (O.C.): Oh, please, say it's you. Danny: That's her, that's Clara! Seb: Yeah, you're really lucky. It hardly ever happens. Danny: Where did she go? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Chang: Just lost the signal. But I can track it back, I'm pretty sure. Clara: I don't, I don't understand. What is happening? Chang: We've been scanning you telepathically since you came in. You said you wanted to speak to someone who'd passed, and we've found you a match in the Nethersphere. The Doctor: This isn't possible. The dead don't come back. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: Come on, get her back. Seb: Da-da-da. I'm trying. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: It was him. It was his voice. The Doctor: If they scanned you telepathically, they could've lifted a voice print. It could still be a fake. Chang: Getting him back, very nearly! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: Clara, can you hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Yes, Danny, I can hear you. Can you hear me? Danny (O.C.): Yeah, yeah, I can hear you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: Clara! Oh, God. Clara... Clara (O.C.): What do I do? Danny: Who are you talking to? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Hang on just a moment. The Doctor: Question him. Ask him questions only he'd know the answer to. Be sure. You, with me. Clara: Where are you going? The Doctor: I've got to check out those tanks. There's something that I'm missing. Danny (O.C.): 'Clara? The Doctor: Sceptical and critical, remember? Be strong, even if it breaks your heart. Chang: Connection's stabilised. It should be OK. The Doctor: Who would harvest dead bodies? I feel like I'm missing something obvious. Clara: Danny? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: Yeah, I'm here. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Danny, I'm so sorry but I'm going to have to ask you some questions. Danny: Questions? I swear on anything it's me! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gallery ] Missy: Humankind, bring out your dead. Chang: Oh, my God. The tanks The tanks are activating! They're not supposed to do that. The Doctor: And all your dead people are standing. Don't you think you skipped the headline? Missy: Now, now, children. Naughty, naughty. The Doctor: Doctor Chang, your welcome droid has developed a fault. Chang: That's not a droid. That's my boss. Missy: You know, I might have been guilty of a just teensy little fibette. Doctorr Chang, I really liked working with you. I've enjoyed every day of it. Chang: I'm sorry? Missy: You know, I've even got a little photograph of you looking so sweet. I'm always going to keep it. Always! Chang: Are you going to kill me? Missy: Now, come on. Let's not dwell on horrid things. This is going to be our last conversation, and I'm the one who's going to have to live with that. Chang: Please don't kill me. Missy: Say something nice. Chang: Please, please. I don't, I don't want to die. You're going to kill me, aren't you? Missy: Say something nice. Chang: Please! Missy: Doctor Chang, I've got all day. And I'm not going to kill you until you say something nice. Chang: It has been an absolute pleasure working with you, and I truly believe that you'll never be able to find it in your heart to murder me. Missy: Now, I'll be with you in a moment. Just feeling a bit emotional at the moment. The Doctor: Cybermen! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: It's me. I, I swear on anything it's me. Clara (O.C.): The very first restaurant you took me to. That first date. What was it called? Danny: Clara, it's me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Then what was the name of the restaurant? What was it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: I can't remember! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gallery ] The Doctor: They're Cybermen, all of them. We've got to stop them getting out. Missy: Now who's missing the headline? The Nethersphere. You know it's ever so funny, the people that live inside that think they've gone to heaven. Clara (O.C.): My birthday. When is it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: November twenty third. That's right, isn't it? I got that one right. Clara (O.C.): It's pretty basic information. 'Anyone could know that. Say something only you could say. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Tell me something only Danny would know. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gallery ] The Doctor: That's a matrix data-slice. A Gallifreyan hard drive. Time Lord technology. Missy: Imagine you could upload dying minds to that. Edit them. Rearrange them. Get rid of all those boring emotions. Ready to be re-downloaded. Meanwhile, you upgrade the bodies. Upload the mind, upgrade the body. Cybermen from cyberspace. Now, why has no-one ever thought of that before? The Doctor: How did you get hold of Time Lord technology? Who are you? Missy: You know who I am. I told you. You felt it. Surely you did. The Doctor: Two hearts. Missy: And both of them yours. The Doctor: You're a Time Lord. Missy: Time Lady, please, I'm old-fashioned. The Doctor: Which Time Lady? Missy: The one you abandoned, Doctor. The one you left for dead. Didn't you ever think I'd find my way back? The Doctor: Clara. Clara. Clara. I've got to get Clara! Missy: Oh, Clara, Clara, Clara! You know I should shoot you in a jealous rage. Now, wouldn't that be sexy? I've turned the lift off, though. The Doctor: I presume you have stairs. Missy: Well, I'm not a Dalek. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Ext. St. Paul's Cathedral ] Missy: Oh, dear, Doctor. Didn't you realise where you were? (church bells ring) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Danny (O.C.): I love you. Clara: No. No, no, no. I'm sorry, but no. Anybody could say that. Anybody would know to say that. Say something only you could tell me. Prove to me you are really Danny. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: How? Clara: I love you means nothing right now. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Not until I know who's talking. Say something only Danny could say. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: Clara... Clara (O.C.): Danny, if that is you [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Wherever you are... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Clara: Whatever it takes, I will be with you again, I swear. Danny: No, you won't. You are not coming here. Clara (O.C.): Nothing will stop me, [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Nothing in the world, as soon as I know it's you. Danny: There is only one way... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: To come here, and you are not doing that. Clara (O.C.): I'll do anything, Danny, anything. Just say something only you could say. Danny: Clara, you have your life. You have your whole life to live. You have to stay there. Clara (O.C.): No. I have to be with Danny Pink. Danny: I love you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's offfice ] Clara: Stop saying that! Don't say that. If you say that again, I swear I will switch this thing off. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Veranda ] Danny: Clara... Clara (O.C.): Yes? Danny: I love you. Seb: These emotions, they're terribly difficult. But, you know, we've got a thing for that. We can help with all these difficult feelings. Just press this. Seb: I'll leave you to make a decision. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chang's office ] Clara: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] [ St. Peter's Hill ] The Doctor: Get away from here! All of you, run! The Doctor: Go! Go! Get away from here! Run away! Run, run! Get away from here all of you, now! Missy: I'm sorry, everyone. Another ranting Scotsman in the street. I had no idea there was a match on. The Doctor: Get away, go! Missy: Stop shouting, love. Stop making a fuss. It's too late. All the graves of planet Earth are about to give birth. You know the key strategic weakness of the human race? The dead outnumber the living. The Doctor: Who are you? Missy: Oh, you know who I am. I'm Missy. The Doctor: Who's Missy? Missy: Please, try to keep up. Short for Mistress. Well... I couldn't very well keep calling myself... the Master, now could I? (Danny cries)

While Clara attempts to gain the courage to tell Danny about her life with the Doctor, Danny is killed. Clara attempts to blackmail the Doctor into saving Danny. The Doctor removes her from the dream state he placed on her and uses the TARDIS' telepathic interface to find Danny. The Doctor and Clara are brought to the 3W Institute, in which skeletons are contained in a blue liquid called "dark water" that hides the exoskeletons that support the skeletons. In an apparent afterlife called the Nethersphere, Danny is being consoled by Seb for his death. Missy greets the Doctor and Clara. The scientist Doctor Chang explains that the dead are conscious. Meanwhile, Missy awakens the skeletons and the tanks begin to drain. Clara talks with Danny, but Danny refuses to let her be with him in death. The skeletons are revealed to be Cybermen . Missy tells the Doctor that dying minds are uploaded the Nethersphere-a Time Lord "hard drive"-where emotions are deleted and the mind is downloaded into Cyberman bodies. The Doctor and Missy exit and find themselves on the steps of St Paul's Cathedral . Missy reveals that she is the Master .

fd_Torchwood_3x04

fd_Torchwood_3x04_0

Previously... EXT. SCHOOLYARD CHILDREN : We are coming. We are coming. INT. LONDON CAF Shot of Lois through the spy contacts. LOIS : Where's the camera ? Close-up on Gwen. GWEN : In my eyes. When you wear these, they'll transmit a picture back to us and we'll see what's going on. More than that, we've got lip-reading software. LOIS : If anybody finds out what I'm doing, it's treason. INT. ALICE'S HOUSE STEVEN : Grandma always said there'd be trouble. Alice pulls out a massive butcher knife from a knife block. INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HQ Johnson is on the phone, speaker to Frobisher. JOHNSON : Do you know he's got a daughter ? INT. FROBISHER'S OFFICE JOHNSON : And now, Alice Carter's got a child of her own. His grandson. FROBISHER : Bring her in. EXT. ALICE'S HOUSE Soldiers rush towards Alice and Steven, she knocks one of them out with a cutting board. EXT. LONDON STREET Clem stands frozen, pointing at the column of fire descending from the sky. INT. THAMES HOUSE Frobisher and Mr. Dekker shield their eyes as the fiery column descends through the ceiling and into the glass tank. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE A group of children pointing together in one direction, speaking in unison. CHILDREN : We are here. INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : But what do you want ? 456 : We want ten percent of the children of this world. INT. Warehouse Hub 2 CLEM : They want to take them, like they did before, like the man did. EXT. SCOTLAND, 1965 The orphans walk into the light, Jack visible behind them in his greatcoat. INT. Warehouse Hub 2 Gwen looks horrified, Clem looks frightened and disgusted. GWEN : You were there ? JACK : 1965... I gave them twelve children. EXT. SCOTLAND, 1965 Clem, left alone, turns around and disappears in the glaring lights. OPENING CREDITS EXT. SCOTLAND, 1965 A dark night, a car comes up a lonely road to meet a military convoy. A woman wearing a scarf around her head (Venessa) stands away from the other groups of soldiers. Jack stops the truck, climbs out, and walks over to meet her. VENESSA : This is the location they specified. A set of instructions coming through on the wavelength combination designated "456." JACK : Did the give a name ? VENESSA : All we've got is that number, 456. INT. TRUCK, SCOTLAND, 1965 VENESSA : According to our alien friends, in four months' time, the virus will mutate. It's a brand-new strain of Indonesian Flu. They claim it could kill up to 25 million people. All our research seems to back up their figures. In 1918, the Spanish Flu outbreak killed something like 5 percent of the human race. JACK : I know, I was there. VENESSA : Well, this time we're being offered a cure. It starts to rain outside. VENESSA : They'll send the anti-virus, in exchange... JACK : How many children do they want ? VENESSA : Twelve. It's like a sacrifice to the ancient gods. Twelve virgins. JACK : Just twelve... it sounds like a good deal. What do they want them for ? VENESSA : They say they'll live forever. Jack laughs harshly. JACK : Sure. Why do you need me ? VENESSA : Assuming twelve children can be found, we need someone to deliver them. JACK : What, in case the aliens are hostile, you need someone who can't die ? VENESSA : Actually, we need someone who doesn't care. INT. Warehouse Hub 2, present day JACK : 1965, I gave them twelve children. Gwen looks horrified, wide-eyed. Clem cowers. GWEN : You just... handed them over and hoped for the best ? Quick cut to Clem, who flashes back to : EXT. SCOTLAND 1965 Jack, with 1960s slicked-back hair, is smiling charmingly. JACK : You just come with uncle Jack. INT. Warehouse Hub 2, present day Close-up on Clem, who is seeing the subject of all of his nightmares in the flesh. EXT. SCOTLAND 1965 The bus of children is winding its way through hills during the night. JACK : We're... we're going to go on an adventure, yeah ? We see young Clem, looking out a rain-spattered window. INT. BUS, SCOTLAND, 1965 Shots of young Scottish children, chattering excitedly. Clem does not talk to anyone. The bus stops in the middle of nowhere, a bunch of tiny pinpricks of light in the pitch-black hills. Shot of Jack, who is driving the bus. JACK : Everyone off. INT. Warehouse Hub 2, present day A shot of Clem's face. He looks horrified, remembering the laughter of his doomed friends. EXT. BUS, SCOTLAND, 1965 The children file off the bus. Soldiers gesture at them to stand in front of it. A few of them exchange uncertain, frightened looks. Jack stands in front of them, still smiling reassuringly. JACK : Here we go. All right, children, you follow me. Adventure. A shot of a few of the children, looking up at Jack admiringly. They follow him away from the bus obediently. A huge light appears in the sky. The children's faces go blank and they stop walking. JACK : Okay, children, walk into the light. Do as I say. Looking hypnotized, the children process forward into the light. Clem stays behind, and Jack puts his arm around Clem's shoulder. He looks up at Jack questioningly. YOUNG CLEM : What's it do ? What is it ? JACK : Just go. YOUNG CLEM : It's safe though, isn't it ? INT. Warehouse Hub 2, present day Close-up on Clem. CLEM : Isn't it ? Isn't it ? EXT. SCOTLAND, 1965 Jack runs his hand comfortingly through Clem's hair. JACK : Yeah. It's safe. He pushes Clem towards the light. Clem turns back after a few steps. JACK : Keep going. You don't want to be left out, do you ? Clem continues into the light, disappearing. Jack finally drops the unconvincingly charming fa ade, looking stricken. The children march in a group towards the light, Clem behind them. The light flares. Jack and the soldiers in the background all flinch. Cut to Clem running through a field alone, having escaped his friends' fate. He stumbles and falls. Jack standing in front of the bus, the lights now off, turns around. JACK : Everyone okay ? SOLDIER : Yes, sir ! Jack stares at the road, now empty and dark, before turning and walking away. He meets up with Venessa again. She is listening to a radio. VENESSA : The information's coming through now on the 456. It's the anti-virus, just as they promised. JACK : Good night's work. VENESSA : Maybe the gods were kind. maybe they are in paradise. JACK : No such thing. Cut to Clem, still running through the dark field, terrified. INT. Warehouse Hub 2, present day CLEM : You are in every nightmare I've ever had. JACK : I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I... Clem surges forward, grabbing Gwen's gun. He shoots Jack in the chest, and then looks horrified by what he's done. Ianto rushes towards Jack, pulling his body into his arms, while Gwen tries to calm Clem down. GWEN : Okay, so... Clem brandishes the gun at her. CLEM : Stay away ! GWEN : Give me the gun, Clem. Come on. CLEM : You're on his side. GWEN : Give it to me. CLEM : And he's on their side. You're all involved ! RHYS : Gwen, get away from him, he's dangerous ! CLEM : I'm not dangerous ! GWEN : We know ! We know you're not. We know that. CLEM : But that's a lie. Isn't it ? Isn't it ? We both know. I... killed a man. I am dangerous. GWEN : Can I take that ? Clem surrenders the gun to her, and she passes it off to Rhys before hugging Clem. Clem stares at Jack's body. CLEM : But it wasn't my fault... there is something up there. They want children. That man held my hand and took me to them. Jack gasps back to life, gripping Ianto tightly. GWEN : This is normal, this is what he does. Ianto knew it was going to be okay. CLEM : No ! Clem flees the scene, running to a different part of the warehouse. Gwen chases after him. GWEN : Clem ! Clem, it's all right ! INT. Warehouse Hub 2, AWAY FROM MAIN AREA CLEM : Oh, it's too much. Too much, isn't it ? GWEN : You get to shoot first, and ask questions later. How good is that ? CLEM : This is too much. Isn't it. isn't it ? Gwen holds her hand out to Clem. He takes it, and she leads him away from the shelf he'd been standing behind. GWEN : Watch your head. INT. Warehouse Hub 2, MAIN AREA Jack sits down next to Ianto. IANTO : I can't believe you didn't mention this before. JACK : They didn't speak through kids back then. I didn't recognize the signs at first. IANTO : That's not what I meant. Rhys comes into the area. RHYS : They're coming back. Clem and Gwen enter, Gwen with an arm around Clem. CLEM : The man who sent me and my friends to die can't die himself ! INT. MILITARY PRISON Agent Johnson strides in, followed by Alice and Steven, followed by two armed guards. STEVEN : This is to do with uncle Jack, isn't it ? ALICE : It's a mistake. We'll get us out soon. STEVEN : Will he get us out ? ALICE : Yeah. Steven is lead into a cell. Alice and Johnson hover just outside. JOHNSON : He doesn't think Harkness is his grandfather ? ALICE : No. JOHNSON : I suppose it would take some explaining, when mum looks older than granddad. ALICE : I can only assume you're holding me here as insurance against my father. But let me warn you, if you've angered him, God help you. JOHNSON : This from the woman who spent her life running away from him ? ALICE : And why do you think I did that ? A man who can't die has got nothing to fear. So you watch it. And you keep watching. Alice goes into the cell. Johnson closes and locks the door. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 GWEN : It was a protection, right ? You knew they'd be back. JACK : I knew it was a possibility. GWEN : But you still gave them the payoff. JACK : We had no choice. CLEM : Why us ? JACK : You wouldn't be missed. Everybody looks uncomfortable. CLEM : I can see that. JACK : All of this time, the one consolation I had was that... the deal seemed to work. Gwen shakes her head in disbelief. RHYS : It worked for forty-four years. That's not bad for breathing space. CLEM : Why was I left behind ? What's wrong with me ? GWEN : We know they only want pre-pubescent kids. Maybe it's got something to do with that. Maybe you were just on the cusp of puberty, not quite adult, not quite child... RHYS : Saved by your hormones. Noise starts to come from the laptop, still hooked up to the special contacts Lois is wearing. GWEN : Is this still recording, Ianto ? I need every second of this. IANTO : Yeah. INT. THAMES HOUSE, FLOOR 13 Office personnel and officials file into the room, casting nervous glances at the 456's tank. Frobisher, Bridget Spears, and Lois are in the lead. A cameraman films the tank. Frobisher steps forward to address the 456. Throughout Frobisher's talk, we are shown shots of different members of team Torchwood, looking onto the scene from the makeshift Hub. FROBISHER : Hello again. Before we consider your request, I've been asked for a point of clarification. Before we even discuss your... your request, we need to know exactly what it is you intend to do with the children. 456 : Somebody is watching. Some remnant. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 CLEM : It knows I'm here. INT. THAMES HOUSE The 456 spits goo and bangs against the walls of the tank, making an eerie shrieking noise. Everyone in the room takes a step back from the tank. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 CLEM : It knows ! INT. THAMES HOUSE The 456 has quieted. Lois begins to write in shorthand on her notepad. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Ianto reads what Lois writes. IANTO : Somebody is watching. CLEM : I told you it knows, turn it off ! GWEN : It's talking about the other camera, it doesn't know about us. Shush. INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : The Prime Minister, the leader of this country, of the United Kingdom, is watching through this camera here. And he needs to know what would happen to our children if we were to hand them over to you. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM The various government officials are gathered around a table, watching the dialogue between Frobisher and the alien. 456 : It is "off the record." INT. THAMES HOUSE Frobisher looks shocked by what the 456 revealed. He approaches the tank. FROBISHER : Yes. 456 : Come in. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 IANTO : Come in. INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : In there ? 456 : With the camera. Come in. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM The officials all looked shocked. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 CLEM : It's hiding something. INT. THAMES HOUSE One man (Cameraman) is being prepared to be sent into the tank by being put into a red jumpsuit. He is being helped by Mr. Dekker and some doctors. MR. DEKKER: Right, is that okay ? CAMERAMAN : Yeah. MR. DEKKER: Okay, you'll be able to hear us, and we can hear anything you say. Okay, I need a mouthpiece. There you go. Don't take it off until the light in the airlock goes green. CAMERAMAN : Yes, sir. MR. DEKKER : Camera. The Cameraman is handed a camera. MR. DEKKER : I'll be monitering you throughout. BRIDGET SPEARS : Good luck. CAMERAMAN : Thank you, ma'am. He proceeds into the tank. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM The officials continue to watch in silence. INT. AIRLOCK The airlock is closed and flooded with the same thick fog that fills the 456's tank. INT. THAMES HOUSE Mr. Dekker monitor's the cameraman's heart rate and blood pressure from outside the tank. INT. AIRLOCK MR. DEKKER : Air contact stabilized. The cameraman proceeds into the main part of the 456's tank. INT. 456 TANK It is blue and foggy. Nothing is visible. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM The officials continue to watch, the broadcast from inside the tank dissolving into static every now and then. INT. 456 TANK The cameraman aims the camera at the 456. It is dripping with green snot-like goo. We do not see the alien clearly, and can only make out that it has three vulture-like heads. INT. THAMES HOUSE MR. DEKKER : I'm getting three heartbeats. FROBISHER : It's got three heads. MR. DEKKER : No, listen, there's three distinct forms of life in there. Frobisher moves to speak into the communicator to the cameraman. FROBISHER : Get closer. INT. 456 TANK The cameraman is on the verge of panic, breathing heavily and quickly, while aiming the camera at one of the 456's heads. He finally discovers the child hooked up to the 456, and lowers the camera in horror. INT. THAMES HOUSE Close up on Frobisher, who looks alarmed. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM Shot of Prime Minister, Brian Green, who looks shocked. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 CLEM : No, no, no, no ! Clem is sobbing. Gwen covers her mouth in horror. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM GENERAL PIERCE : Is that a child ? Where did it get him from ? Prime Minister looks very nervous. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 GWEN : It's all of the kids from 1965. Cut to shot of Ianto and Rhys. Ianto starts to sniffle, looking away from the screen, while Rhys closes his eyes. Gwen makes a face of pure disgust. JACK : He's still just a child. Jack walks away, sitting down apart from the rest of the group. RHYS : Do you think he knows ? Is he conscious ? INT. 456 TANK Close up of the child, who is bald, grimy, and staring blindly with overly-huge eyes. He has something almost like a gasmask over the lower half of his face, a tube protruding from where his mouth should be. INT. THAMES HOUSE Lois has tears streaming down her face. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 The picture from the contacts starts to blur. CLEM : Wh-what's happening ? GWEN : It's Lois. She's crying. INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : What have you done to him ?! INT. 456 TANK The 456 spits snot at the walls and bangs against them. The cameraman gets covered in snot and starts trying to escape. INT. THAMES HOUSE Frobisher runs towards the tank. FROBISHER : Get him out of there ! Get him out of there ! The 456 begins to repeat the bargain Frobisher struck with it earlier in the series. It comes out in Frobisher's voice, but garbled, as if it's playing on a scratched CD. 456 : You will ensure the diplomatic relations between Earth and the 456. That previous encounter will be kept off the record. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM GENERAL PIERCE : That's John Frobisher's voice. What's off the record ? INT. THAMES HOUSE The cameraman has escaped the tank and is pulling off the snot-covered jumpsuit. Frobisher stares at the tank. The cameraman continues to pull off his clothes in panic. FROBISHER : This is unacceptable. 456 : We do not harm the children. They feel no pain. Lois records this on her notepad. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Ianto reads Lois's notes again. IANTO : We do not harm the children. They feel no pain. They live long beyond their years. Gwen seems numb. GWEN : Well, that's okay then. JACK : But we still don't know. What does it do with them ? What does it want them for ? RHYS : Bit late to ask now. IANTO : We have answered your question. You have one day to select and deliver the ten percent. INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : And if we refuse ? 456 : We will wipe out your entire species. INT. GOVERNMENT BOARD ROOM Everyone blinks in disbelief, taking a few deeps breaths in an attempt to settle themselves. The American General looks at Prime Minister accusingly, speaking coldly and furiously. GENERAL PIERCE : Am I to understand that this country has had dealings with these creatures before ? PRIME MINISTER : Apparently so. I would point out that I was only a child myself in 1965. GENERAL PIERCE : Nonetheless, you made the decision only this week, sir, to keep those previous negotiations secret ?! PRIME MINISTER : It could be said that perhaps it was... convenient for the moment... until further consideration. The general looks at him in utter disbelief, and then stands up from the table. GENERAL PIERCE : You'll give us all files on 1965 immediately. And the United Nations will decide what measures to take against you, Mr. Green. The American general exits the room. INT. HUB 2, IN FRONT OF SOME WINDOWS Jack is standing alone, looking pensive. Ianto approaches, looking serious, but he addresses Jack sympathetically. Jack doesn't look at him or show any emotion throughout much of this scene. IANTO : This must have been eating away at you. Jack is silent. IANTO : Why didn't you tell me ? I could've helped. Jack shakes his head. JACK : No, you couldn't. IANTO : I tell you everything. Jack finally looks at him. JACK : Ianto, tell me, what should I have done ? IANTO : Stood up to them. Jack looks away again. IANTO : The Jack I know would've stood up to them. I've only just scraped the surface, haven't I ? JACK : Ianto, that's all there is. IANTO : No. You pretend that's all there is. JACK : I have lived a long time... I have done a lot of things. Ianto regards him sadly, rolling his eyes a little bit when Jack starts to charge off again. JACK : I've got to go, I won't be long. Ianto turns around towards Jack. IANTO : You're doing it again. Speak to me, Jack. Where are you going ? Jack turns around to face him again, getting angry. JACK : To call Frobisher. I can't call him from here, cause they'd be able to trace it. Is that okay ? IANTO : You're the boss. JACK : And just so you know, I have a daughter called Alice and a grandson called Steven, and Frobisher took them hostage yesterday. Jack turns and exits, leaving Ianto alone by the windows. EXT. Warehouse HUB 2 Jack walks toward a car alone, pulling on his coat and putting his hands in his pockets. INT. THAMES HOUSE Bridget Spears, Lois, and Frobisher sit on a bench, looking exhausted. FROBISHER : You two should get a couple hours of sleep while you can. BRIDGET SPEARS : So should you. Frobisher's mobile rings. FROBISHER : It's Harkness. (He mutters something indecipherable to Bridget about tracking a location of the call). Strong coffee, loads of. Lois leaves to get Frobisher coffee. During Jack and Frobisher's phone call, there are quick cuts between Jack's face in front of a brick wall in an unknown location, and the Thames House hallway where Frobisher and Bridget are. We eventually see shots of the baldheaded secret agent who's been tracking Jack for Agent Johnson, too. FROBISHER : Hello ? EXT. LONDON STREET JACK : Have you thought about what I said ? INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : Bit busy, to be honest. JACK : Let me put this right. Release my family and we can work together. FROBISHER : Give yourself up and they won't be harmed. INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS The agents are listening in on Jack and Frobisher's telephone conversation. JACK : I wish I could believe that. FROBISHER : You can. JACK : You've spoken to the 456, haven't you ? They want more children. INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : What makes you think that ? JACK : It doesn't take a genius. Bridget is on the phone with Johnson's special ops gang. BRIDGET SPEARS : They're on to it now. EXT. LONDON STREET JACK : With them going so public this time, I think they want a lot more. Millions, even. If I have to stop you, then I'll tell the world what's really going on. There's too much at stake not to. Jack hangs up. INT. THAMES HOUSE Frobisher hangs up, looking worried. INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS Our baldheaded agent seems to have tracked down Jack, using the computer system to pinpoint a location, until it grinds to a halt, flashing the message "Trace failed". BALD AGENT : Lost him. I'll try the satellite data. It's going to take some time. INT. THAMES HOUSE Bridget Spears hangs up the phone. BRIDGET SPEARS : They'll let us know when they get a location. Frobisher rubs his eyes, exhausted. FROBISHER : He'll be gone by then. BRIDGET SPEARS : Why don't you get your head down on the couch for an hour ? Lois hurries in. LOIS : Sorry, but the Prime Minister wants to see you. Frobisher looks to Bridget Spears, looking even wearier. She rolls her eyes. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM The politicians file back in. Shot of Lois following closely on Bridget's heels, Bridget instructing her. BRIDGET SPEARS : ...make sure it'll run smoothly. Most important thing is to blend into the background, nobody should know you're there. Shot of the back of Frobisher's head going into the board room, framed by the blue gridding of the special contact lenses. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen reads from the laptop screen, Clem seated beside her. GWEN : Cabinet office briefing, room A : Cobra. Where all the emergency planning takes place. IANTO : Gold Command meeting's about to start ! The rest of the team converges around Gwen and Clem. CLEM : They'll sell us out, just like they did last time. GWEN : I'm sorry to hear about your family, by the way. We'll get them out. JACK : I know we will. On-screen, the politicians begin to talk. PRIME MINISTER : Ladies and gentlemen, it's been decided that we're going to make the 456 an offer. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM PRIME MINISTER : A realistic number, something we can manage, and then we see what happens. DENISE RILEY : You mean we're going to haggle ? What about the military option ? DEFENCE SECRETARY : There's nothing to take action against. Evidently, the 456 must have some sort of base of operations in orbit, but our satellites are showing nothing. Whatever's up there is beyond or technology. DENISE RILEY : There's a target sat in Thames House. DEFENCE SECRETARY : Taking that out would be a declaration of war. RICK YATES : A war we can't win. PRIME MINISTER : That's why I've invited John to address Gold. In terms of managing the figures, what could we offer and get away with ? INT. Warehouse HUB 2 The Prime Minister's voice echoes around. Jack closes his eyes, guilty. His voice continues, distorted through the speakers, while Clem twitches. CLEM : Isn't it, isn't it ? It's happening again. GWEN : Oh my God, they're really going to do this. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM DENISE RILEY : Look, this won't just be Britain, will it ? PRIME MINSISTER : The idea is that every country makes a camoflaugible contribution. FROBISHER : Can you pass me the FAS file, please ? INT. Warehouse HUB 2 RHYS : That's it, now you're talking. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM FROBISHER : Right, well, for a sstart, there are 21 children in Oakenton right now... 21 units, unaccompanied asylum-seekers awaiting deportation. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 GWEN : FAS... failed asylum seekers. Orphans in '65, asylum seekers today. There's progress for you. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM RICK YATES : And no one would miss them. A pause, Prime Minister and Denise Riley exchange looks. RICK YATES : We need more. Can you bump the numbers up to sixty ? FROBSIHER : I... I think so. We can have them in from Oakenton first thing tomorrow. PRIME MINISTER : Thank you, John. Now go back to Thames House and consult with the 456. Make them an offer of sixty units, and no more. INT. FROBISHER'S CAR Frobisher sits in the backseat as he cruises to Thames House, looking contemplative and stressed. We see a shot of the car pulling up to the building. INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE The phone rings. Mrs. Frobisher hurries to pick it up. ANNA FROBISHER : Hello ? FROBISHER : It's me. ANNA FROBISHER: Well, h-how did it go ? INT. THAMES HOUSE Frobisher hurries up a flight of stairs while trying to reassure his wife. FROBISHER : All you need to know is there's nothing to worry about. I'm sorry, I can't explain, but trust me, don't worry. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE ANNA FROBISHER : Well, have you slept yet ? INT. THAMES HOUSE Frobisher scoffs tiredly. ANNA FROBISHER : Well, are you on your way home ? FROBISHER : No time for that sweetheart, I'm afraid it's a matter of utmost national security. INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE A shot of Anna Frobisher, looking upset. ANNA FROBISHER : Are you safe ? INT. THAMES HOUSE FROBISHER : Of course I'm safe. You know where I am, just pushing papers about. I just need to make sure all of the documentation's in place. INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE Anna Frobisher grows more and more worried as Frobisher speaks. INT. THAMES HOUSE ELEVATOR Frobisher enters the elevator alone, pushing a button. FROBISHER : Did the bodyguards show up ? INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE Anna Frobisher has progressed to numb with horror. ANNA FROBISHER : Yeah, they're outside. FROBISHER : Good, good... good. INT. THAMES HOUSE ELEVATOR FROBISHER : I just wanted to say I love you, and I love the girls. INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE Anna Frobisher listens to her husband, tears running down her face, but speaks steadily. ANNA FROBISHER : When will you be home ? INT. THAMES HOUSE ELEVATOR FROBISHER : Soon. Look, I've got to go. INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE Anna Frobisher looks terrified. FROBISHER : I love you. She closes her eyes. INT. THAMES HOUSE ELEVATOR The elevator dings, Frobisher has arrived on floor thirteen. He hangs up the phone. INT. FROBISHER'S HOUSE Anna Frobisher has her eyes closed, and speaks after he's already gone. ANNA FROBISHER : I love you, too. She dissolves into tears. INT. THAMES HOUSE, FLOOR THIRTEEN Mr. Dekker and Frobisher enter, standing in front of the 456's tank. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM We see the entire Gold Command regarding the happenings on Floor Thirteen from afar. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN FROBISHER : I'm sorry, but we've discussed your demands. We've arrived at a solution that might satisfy both parties. I've been authorized to offer you one child for every million people on planet earth. That's about 6,700 in total; 62 from the UK alone. 456 : That is not acceptable. FROBISHER : 6,700. 6, 7, 0, 0. That's our final offer, it's more than generous. I'll give you some time to think about it. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM We see the live feed of Frobisher stalking away from the 456's tank. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN 456 : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. EXT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE RHIANNON (voiceover) : You are turning this house into a bloody playschool. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE Rhiannon's living room is full of children, she bustles around while Johnny reads a magazine. JOHNNY : Ten quid a kid is more like a charity. RHIANNON : And who's doing all the work ? I don't see you lifting a bloody finger ! The children all begin to chant in unison. CHILDREN : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. RHIANNON : Oh my God, they're doing it again ! Mica, where's Mica ? Mica ! CHILDREN : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. Close up on David's face, staring blankly as he chants eerily with the other kids. Rhiannon finds Mica in her bedroom, speaking in unison with the rest. CHILDREN : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. JOHNNY : What is it ? CHILDREN : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. JOHNNY : What are you going on about ?! CHILDREN : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. JOHNNY : Lottery numbers, or what ? INT. FROBISHER HOUSEHOLD Frobisher's children are frozen, chanting just like the others. Their mother sobs silently in the foreground. CHILDREN : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Clem speaks with the children, too. CLEM : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. Gwen types the number that he's been repeating into her computer. RHYS : Coordinates ? Grid reference, maybe ? CLEM : 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0. INT. TV Different reporters on different television stations report the 456's shenanigans with the children. All of them have the numbers chanted in their countries beneath them in text boxes. BRITISH REPORTER : Children in different countries are saying different numbers. FRENCH REPORTER : Ici en France, le nombre est 4, 4, 8, 0, 0, 0. AMERICAN REPORTER : The children of America are saying 2, 3, 4, 0, 0, 0, 0. BRITISH REPORTER : What is the meaning of 3, 2, 5, 0, 0, 0 ? INT. GOLD COMMAND ROOM RICK YATES : It's confirmed. 325,000 is ten percent of the children... uh, units in this country. Every country is saying a different number, which in each case amounts to ten percent. PRIME MINISTER : I think it's fair to say that our final offer has just been rejected. Everyone sits in silence for a moment. PRIME MINISTER : Okay, thanks everyone, let's take a break. All of the bureaucrats start to leave the table. Yates stands to leave, addressing the Prime Minister as he gathers his things. RICK YATES : It's worth considering, sir. The world's population will be nine billion by 2050. That's a two-and-a-half billion rise. The UK will go from 66 million to 71, every one of them needing food, water, a home, transport, fuel, t.v.s and fridges... PRIME MINISTER : Rick, Rick, Rick... what are you suggesting, a cull of ten percent would do us good ? RICK YATES : I'm just saying, if we need to spin this to the public, and God knows at the moment that spin is all we can do, then in an age when we're terrified by the planet's dwindling resources, a reduction in the population could possibly, just possibly, if presented in the right way, be seen as... good, sir. INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HQ AGENT JOHNSON : Anything ? BALD AGENT : It's all gone quiet. All our usual sources from the government... the Army, White Hall... have all gone silent. Whatever's happening in London, no one's breathing a word. AGENT JOHNSON : It's time I found out what's going on. I'm taking a squad to London. Are the roads still blocked ? BALD AGENT : Only in the city. AGENT JOHNSON : Then patch me through a clear route, and keep watching for Harkness. If it's happening in London, then that's where he'll be. She moves quickly out the door. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM PRIME MINISTER : With regrets, ladies and gentlemen, I have to tell you that we're now facing the worst-case scenario. And right now we don't have time for a discussion on ethics, I'm afraid hand-wringing will have to wait. All we can do at the moment is address a number of vital and practical questions. RICK YATES : Namely, how do we select the ten percent ? Who would go ? How would we transport them ? And, how could we sell it to the voters ? PRIME MINISTER : John ? FROBISHER : Well, the selection's not down to me. PRIME MINISTER : Nevertheless. Practical solutions, please. FROBISHER : Once the selection has been made, then my department can arrange to bus all the children to the rendezvous points together, school by school. My staff are compiling various school databases. As the politicians speak, Lois takes notes in shorthand. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen and Clem on the laptop as Lois takes notes on what's being said. Ianto reads aloud. IANTO : You just need to decide what criteria you'd use for selection. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM FROBISHER : Which is out of my hands. Over to you, sir. The Prime Minister contemplates this for a moment, before turning to look at the other people sitting at the table. PRIME MINISTER : Anyone ? Nobody answers, all of them refusing to make eye contact with the Prime Minister or each other. PRIME MINISTER : Might I remind you, the clock is ticking. DEFENCE SECRETARY : It would have to be random. DENISE RILEY : Nobody would believe it was random, not when they're waiting at school gates for empty buses to return. DEFENCE SECRETARY : Well, if the system we use is demonstrably fair and reasonably random, at least we can defend ourselves. DENISE RILEY : You're willing to risk your kids to make it look fair ? DEFENCE SECRETARY : Then how else can we choose ? RICK YATES : We could do it alphabetically. DENISE RILEY : Oh, yes, thanks Mr. Yates. RICK YATES : I didn't mean... I've got no kids, I wasn't trying to... DENISE RILEY : Yes, no kids, and no consequences. She turns to the Prime Minister. DENISE RILEY : And yours are already grown up. PRIME MINISTER : Let's keep this civil, Denise. DENISE RILEY : Oh, yes ! Let's discuss the loss of millions of innocent children, and let's be civilized about it. PRIME MINISTER : If you wouldn't mind, yes. DEFENCE SECRETARY : Could we limit it to one loss per family ? Second born child ? FROBISHER : That would take more time, more organization; time we don't have. DEFENCE SECRETARY : So, it would have to be one school at a time ? DENISE RILEY : Look, I'm going to say what everyone else is thinking. If this lottery takes place, my kids aren't in it. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 The voice of Prime Minister echoes through the laptop to where Team Torchwood is listening. PRIME MINSITER : I'm sure the families of Gold Command will be exempted anyway. CLEM : That b*st*rd. Isn't it. DEFENCE SECRETARY : ...our children get protection. GWEN : Of course they bloody do. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM DEFENCE SECRETARY : So, we could have a show of hands. I hate to be crass, but under these circumstances... DENISE RILEY : Well, who votes ? Those with kids, or those with no interest to declare ? PRIME MINISTER : No one votes. It's down to me to make an executive decision. RICK YATES : Do you need some time ? PRIME MINISTER : Nope. Whatever happens, the children and grandchildren of everyone around this table will be exempt. Frobisher closes his eyes in relief. DENISE RILEY : What about nieces and nephews ? PRIME MINISTER : Don't push your luck. DENISE RILEY : You seriously expect me to look my brother in the eye... DEFENCE SECRETARY : We need to limit the number of people... They all begin to talk over each other. DENISE RILEY : ...to look him in the eye and what, just give him a condolence card ? PRIME MINISTER : That's the responsibility of government, Denise. DENISE RILEY : No, the first responsibility is to protect the best interests of this country, right ? Then let's say it. In a national emergency, a country must plan for the future, and must discriminate between those who are vital to continued stability and those who are not. And now that we've established that our kids are exempt, the whole principle of random selection is dead in the water anyway... DEFENCE SECRETARY : Only so far as... DENISE RILEY : Let me finish. Now look, on the one hand, you've got the schools, and I don't just mean those producing graduates. I mean the pupils that will go on to staff our hospitals, our offices, our factories; the workforce of the future. We need them. Accepted, yes ? So, set against that, you've got the failing schools; full of the less able, the less socially useful. Those destined to spend a lifetime on benefits, occupying places on the dole queue, and, frankly, the prisons. Now, look, should we treat them equally ? God knows we've tried and we've failed, and now the time comes to choose. And if we can't identify the lowest achieving ten percent of this country's children, then what are the school league tables for ? There is silence around the table. PRIME MINISTER : Anyone want to speak against that ? Frobisher looks disgusted, Yates looks at his lap. The other politicians do not make eye contact with anybody around the table. PRIME MINISTER : Then there we have it. John, you have your criteria. We've selected the ten percent. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 GWEN : We've got enough evidence recorded here to destroy every person in that room. JACK : And we can use it to force our way into Thames House, finally get face-to-face with this thing. GWEN : And get your family released. Jack breathes deeply, then starts giving out orders. JACK : Right, everyone know what they're doing ? GWEN : What if I can't get Lois to agree to this, Jack ? JACK : She hasn't let us down yet. Rhys, you ready ? Ianto rushes forward, he and Jack load their guns. Jack looks Ianto in the face as he speaks. JACK : Let's go stand up to them. IANTO : Yes, sir. They exit the warehouse, concealing their weapons. EXT. Warehouse HUB 2 Jack and Ianto climb into the sports car they nicked from a londoner in Day Two. They buckle up and zoom off, Jack behind the wheel. INT. LADIES' ROOM Lois splashes water on her face, and looks into the mirror. Gwen types her a message : GWEN : We can stop this, but we need your help. INT. TV BRITISH REPORTER : The government has yet to give a reason why the children have stated a number that is equal to ten percent of the child population of each country. FRENCH REPORTER : (French words to the same effect of those of the British Reporter) ...a demand la Grande-Bretagne qu'elle fasse une declaration... AMERICAN REPORTER : All eyes are now turning toward the United Kingdom as we ask what exactly they are hiding. BRITISH REPORTER : London remains gridlocked in the city center. EXT. LONDON STREET Jack and Ianto speed up in the flashy car, only to get stuck in traffic. They jump out, intending to complete the journey to Thames House on foot. Ianto pulls out his mobile to call Rhiannon. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE Children run around, laughing and screaming. The phone rings, and Rhiannon moves to pounce on it. RHIANNON : Quiet, you lot, now, shut up ! Hello ? IANTO : It's me. RHIANNON : Oh, I... I thought you couldn't call here. Is it all over ? INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS The bald agent is listening in on Rhiannon and Ianto's phone call. IANTO : It's only just beginning. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE Johnny enters. RHIANNON : It's Ianto. JOHNNY : Tell him I want my in one piece. EXT. LONDON STREET Jack and Ianto are still making their way through the mass of traffic and people on their way to Thames House. IANTO : Listen, that column of fire over London, did you see it on the telly ? RHIANNON : No, I was watching the other side. Of course I did, you dumbo. What's happening ? The kids said "we are coming", but who's they ? Who is it ? INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS As Rhiannon speaks, our bald agent pulls up coordinates of London in an attempt to track Ianto's location. EXT. LONDON STREET IANTO : Just stop a minute and listen. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE RHIANNON : Ianto, just tell me, who are they ? EXT. LONDON STREET IANTO : They're from another planet. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE Rhiannon looks horrified, and perhaps a little disbelieving. IANTO : They want children, that's why they're here. RHIANNON : They what ? INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS The baldheaded agent listens in on his headset with interest, a look of concern coming over his face. IANTO : They want kids, millions of them. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE RHIANNON : Why ? IANTO : I'm not sure. EXT. LONDON STREET IANTO : But for the next few days, don't let anyone take David or Mica away from you, for whatever reason. This goes for you people listening in on the wire, too. Forget the Official Secrets Act. If you've got children or grandchildren you need to hear this, and you need to tell every parent you know. INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS BALD AGENT : I've found Jones. We can assume Harkness is nearby. INT. SQUAD CAR AGENT JOHNSON : Okay. Let's go. INT. RHIANNON'S HOUSE Rhiannon is listening, rapt, to Ianto, with her face full of concern for her little brother. IANTO : Look, I've got to go. I love you. Don't let the kids out of your sight. I love them, too. I'm even warming to Johnny a bit. Rhiannon smiles. RHIANNON : We love you too. The line goes dead. RHIANNON : Ianto ? Ianto, are you there ? Rhiannon hangs up the phone and walks to her daughter, pulling her into a hug. JOHNNY : What is it ? What did he say ? Come on, Rhi, what did he say ? Rhiannon doesn't respond. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen hands a laptop to Rhys, clearly in the process of packing him up so that he can get out. GWEN : You've got to go now. RHYS : You're just getting me off of your hands, aren't you ? You don't think I can hack in. GWEN : You're the most important part of this whole plan. She kisses Rhys. GWEN : Now go, you've got a job to do, there isn't much time. Rhys starts to amble off, and she motions at him to go faster. He leaves the warehouse at a run. EXT. LONDON STREET Agent Johnson and her squad show up where Jack and Ianto had been walking a few moments previously, but the street's deserted now. She talks to her bald agent on her headset. AGENT JOHNSON : Long gone. Move out. BALD AGENT : I've done a sweep of the surrounding area : two miles south there's a warehouse area in Battersea. It used to be an old holding facility for Torchwood One, back in the nineties. Could be significant; Ianto Jones worked for Torchwood One. Johnson climbs back into the car. AGENT JOHNSON : Can you pinpoint the location ? BALD AGENT : I'm onto it now. The squad speeds off. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM FROBISHER : We need a cover story to explain why the operation is happening, and to encourage participation. So the suggestion is we announce the children will be given some sort of inoculation; a jab to stop them speaking in unison. We stress that there's no immediate danger, that everyone will be seen in due course. Then when it goes wrong and the children disappear, we blame the aliens. Claiming innocence, we face the music. DEFENCE SECRETARY : We say the 456 double-crossed us ? INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen watches the proceedings on the laptop, appalled. Her mobile rings. EXT. LONDON STREET Jack and Ianto are still on their march through London. Ianto speaks to Gwen. IANTO : Okay, Gwen, we're here. GWEN : Take care. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen hangs up the phone. INT. AGENT JOHNSON'S HEADQUARTERS We see a "location confirmed" message pop across the bald agent's screen, pinpointing Gwen's location to the suspected Torchwood One warehouse from earlier. BALD AGENT : Positive ID, Gwen Cooper, Torchwood warehouse. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen is still at the laptop, typing to Lois. GWEN : Jack is in position. Let's do it. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM Lois is watching the politicians attempt to wash their hands of the blood of millions of innocent children. RICK YATES : It is the aliens' fault, and that's where the blame should lie, not with us. FROBISHER : We play the part of naive dupes rather than willing accomplices. PRIME MINISTER : We're not willing. No one in this room is a willing accomplice. EXT. SQUAD CAR Agent Johnson and co. are rushing to get to the makeshift Hub to find Gwen. The bald agent speaks to her over the radio. BALD AGENT : Right, all clear. ETA Torchwood warehouse, 88 seconds. EXT. LONDON STREET Jack and Ianto continue to stride purposefully. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen is typing to Lois. GWEN : Jack is in position. Do it now. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM PRIME MINISTER : Thank you, gentlemen. Comments ? Anyone ? Lois begins to raise her hand, a bit timidly, ignored by the politicians. RICK YATES : This is going to take a hell of a lot of organization. We're going to have to tell the police to stand down and put the army in their place. We barely have time to talk, we need to get this thing moving. The Prime Minister takes off his glasses, preparing to leave. Nobody has noticed Lois raising her hand. PRIME MINISTER : Then, shall we reconvene at 1800 ? LOIS : Excuse me ? The Prime Minister looks directly at her. BRIDGET SPEARS : Lois, stop it. LOIS : I have something to say. Frobisher turns to look at her now, as well. The Prime Minister speaks dismissively to her. PRIME MINISTER : Really. Well, it's nice that you want to make a contribution, what was your name ? LOIS : Lois. Lois Habiba, sir. As she says her name, Lois stands up. PRIME MINISTER : Well, thank you for your hard work, Lois, it's much appreciated, but this really isn't the best time. LOIS : I'm sorry, sir, I know I'm only supposed to be here to take notes, but, um, I am a voter. RICK YATES : Listen, love, this isn't a referendum. Bridget Spears rises from her seat as well, looking deeply displeased with Lois's display of impropriety. BRIDGET SPEARS : Lois, could I have a word outside ? Lois looks resolved now, nervousness gone. LOIS : No, it needs saying. FROBISHER : Lois, seriously, not now. LOIS : And I'm not just speaking on my own behalf. Yates heaves a sigh of exasperation. RICK YATES : Oh, just what we need, a revolutionary. LOIS : If you like, sir, that's what I am. RICK YATES : Oh yeah ? You and whose army ? LOIS : Torchwood. This finally gets the attention of the politicians. PRIME MINSTER : What ? FROBISHER : Don't be ridiculous. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen's face shifts from nervous to triumphant. GWEN : I think she's doing it... good girl ! INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM LOIS : But Torchwood has been recording all these meetings, and everything that's been said around this table, every single word spoken by every single one of oyu will be made public, unless you do exactly what Torchwood says. EXT. Warehouse HUB 2 Agent Johnson and her squad cars zoom up to the exterior of the warehouse where the makeshift Hub is housed. The agents leap out of the car dressed in full riot gear, sprinting to get into place. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen and Clem are seated, intently regarding the proceedings with the politicians. The agents burst in, training their guns on Clem and Gwen. Clem gets up in fear, but Gwen remains seated, her expression cool. CLEM : Whoah. INT. THAMES HOUSE Jack and Ianto have finally reached their destination. They enter Thames House, walking past the security guards, who have drawn their weapons, with their guns raised above their heads. JACK : Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones. We're Torchwood. They slam their guns onto the security desk in unison. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Gwen turns away from the laptop to look at Agent Johnson. She's still smiling serenely. GWEN : We've been expecting you. AGENT JOHNSON : On the floor ! Face down, hands on your head ! Clem obeys. Gwen remains seated. GWEN : You traced Ianto's calls, did you ? AGENT JOHNSON : On the floor ! Johnson is angry, Gwen is still forceful but totally calm. GWEN : And now that you're here, you can take me to Alice and Steven Carter. AGENT JOHNSON : You'll be in the very next cell. On second thought, maybe I'll just have you shot while resisting arrest. GWEN : That would me a mistake. AGENT JOHNSON : Why ? GWEN : Take a look at what we've been recording. At the sound of Prime Minister's voice starts to echo out of the laptop. Johnson lowers her gun and moves forward ever so slightly. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM PRIME MINISTER : And how exactly are you going to make us do this ? Torchwood's been destroyed. LOIS : I'm afraid not, sir. Right now, Captain Jack Harkness, head of the Torchwood Institute, is in the MI5 building. So you're going to stand aside, and let him do his job, and deal with the 456, immediately. And, uh... I think that's it. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 GWEN : What she's telling them is my gorgeous husband has recordings of them all secretly agreeing to sacrifice millions of innocent children to the aliens. Now, him and his laptop, at this very moment, are in a secret location. And he's ready to press send and tell the whole world what's been going on, unless you do exactly as we say. There is a pause, and Agent Johnson's face softens slightly. GWEN : Take a seat, maybe you'll learn something about the people you've been working for. Come on, Clem. Gwen reaches down to Clem, who was cowering on the floor in the face of the agents' guns. INT. THAMES HOUSE ELEVATOR Jack and Ianto get up to floor thirteen, rushing out as soon as the doors ding open. There are some guards there, too. Jack addresses Mr. Dekker. JACK : I want to feed the live TV pictures directly to this number, can you do that ? Mr DEKKER : I can do that. They move purposefully down the hall to the room where the 456 is being housed. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN Jack and Ianto stand directly in front of the tank, side-by-side, facing the 456. Jack wastes no time in addressing the alien. JACK : I'm Captain Jack Harkness. I've dealt with you lot before. I'm here to explain why this time, you're not getting what you want. 456 : You yielded in the past. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM The politicians are watching Jack and Ianto converse with the 456. As Jack owns up to the fact that he was involved in the 1965, the Prime Minister and Frobisher exchange a glance. JACK : And don't I know it. I was there. In 1965, I was part of that trade, and that's why I'm never going to let it happen again. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN 456 : Explain. JACK : There's a saying here on Earth, a very old, very wise friend of mine taught me it : an injury to one is an injury to all. And when people act according to that philosophy, the human race is the finest species in the Universe. IANTO : Never mind the philosophy. What he's saying is you're not getting one solitary, single child. The deal is off. JACK : Uh, I like the philosophy. IANTO : I gathered. 456 : You yielded in the past. You will do so, again. JACK : In the past, the numbers were so small they could be kept secret, but this time, that is not going to happen. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Clem, Gwen and agent Johnson are watching the proceedings in Thames House as well. JACK : Because we've recorded everything. All the negotiations. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM JACK : Everything the politicians said. Everything that happened in this room. And those tapes will be released to the public. Denise Riley, the Prime Minister and the others look startled. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN JACK : Unless you leave this planet for good. 456 : You yielded in the past. You will do so again. JACK : When people find out the truth, you will have over six billion angry human beings taking up arms to fight you. That might be a fight you think you can win, but at the end of it, the human race in defense of its children will fight to the death. And if I have to lead them in to battle, I will. IANTO : You've got enough information on this planet. Check your records. His name is Captain Jack Harkness. Go back a hundred and fifty years and see what you're facing. 456 : This is fascinating, isn't it ? INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Clem twitches at the 456's statement. CLEM : Isn't it, isn't it ? It knows I'm watching. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN 456 : The human infant mortality rate is 29,158 deaths per day. Every three seconds, child dies. The human response is to accept, and adapt. JACK : We're adapting right now, and we're amking this a war. 456 :Then the fight begins. JACK : We're wating for your reply. 456 : Action has been taken. Alarms blare; Thames House goes lockdown. JACK : What have you done ? 456: You wanted a demonstration of war. A virus has been released. It will kill everyone in the building. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 AGENT JOHNSON : Can we override it ? GWEN : I don't know. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM FROBISHER : The building's designed to withstand chemical and biological attack. Nothing or no one can get in or out. PRIME MINISTER : Ugh. Happy now ? INT. THAMES HOUSE Office persons rush out of the elevator, screaming and panicking. Some of them are already starting to collapse, and are trampled by the others. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN HALLWAY Jack runs in, addressing the guards from earlier. JACK : The air's poison. Call someone. Shut down the air conditioning, block every air vent. Get gas masks, hazard suits, oxygen cylinders. INT. THAMES HOUSE STAIRWELL Well-dressed bureaucrats continue to trample each other in their futile attempt to escape the virus. Mr. Dekker is among them. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN Ianto cocks his gun and aims it at the 456's tank, but is totally calm as he speaks. IANTO : If there's a virus, then there must be an antivirus. Release it now, or I'll blow a hole in that tank, and we'll all die together. Jack runs back in, frantic. Panic is obvious in his voice. JACK : You made your point, now stop this and we can talk. 456 : You are dying, even now. Jack and Ianto fire at the tank. The bullets ricochet off the glass, leaving no holes or even scratches. They lower their guns as the 456 lets out a piercing screech. The dial on the front of its tank fluctuates wildly. JACK : What's that noise ? What's it doing ? Green mucus splatters against the tank wall as the alien continues to shriek eerily, banging its creepy claws against the glass. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Clem screams in agony, holding his head in his hands. The 456's screams can be heard here. Gwen gets up and rushes over to him. GWEN : Turn it off, turn it off ! Johnson switches off the laptop, but Clem continues to cry out. Gwen pulls him into her arms; blood is coming out of his ears. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN Jack turns to Ianto, putting his hands on his shoulders so that they're in an embrace that mirrors Gwen and Clem's. Jack's eyes are already filling with tears. JACK : We've got to get you out of here. I can survive anything, but you can't ! IANTO : Too late. I've breathed the air. JACK : There's got to be something... there's got to be an antidote ! Ianto is already visibly weakening. 456 : You said you would fight. Jack lets go of Ianto, turns to shout helplessly at the 456's tank. JACK : Then I take it back, alright ? I take it all back... but not him ! Ianto falls to his knees, Jack sinks down with him in a futile attempt to keep him up. JACK : No ! No, no, no, no, no, no, no... no ! No. Ianto. No, no, no... Ianto is sprawled on the floor, Jack cradles him and cries. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Clem is having a much more violent death than Ianto... he's flailing around and screaming while Gwen tries to hold on to him. Agent Johnson looks on in horror. Blood runs from Clem's nose and ears. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN 456 : The remnant will be disconnected. The dial on the tank twitches like mad, then falls still. INT. Warehouse HUB 2 Clem stops screaming with a groan. Gwen continues to hold him for a moment before she realizes what has happened. She lays him gently down on the bench. Gwen and Johnson are wearing the same expression, for once: shock. GWEN : He's dead. What about Thames house ? AGENT JOHNSON : They can't get out. Gwen buries her face in her hands, slumped over in defeat. GWEN: ...dead. INT. THAMES HOUSE There is no sound in this montage, only the music. Mr. Dekker runs down a hallway alone, to where his equipment for monitoring the 456 was stored in Day One. People in business attire still run about frantically, toppling over and trampling each other in their desperate bid for escape. Mr. Dekker makes it to a hazard suit. He flings off his shoes and pulls it on. Guards use hammers to attempt to break the doors, but it's of no use : nobody can get out. We see an exterior shot of the front door of Thames House... people are banging on the doors. They begin to sink to the floor, almost as one. Mr. Dekker breathes in his suit, his breath fogging his safety helmet just as the others' breath fogged the front doors. INT. FLOOR THIRTEEN JACK : It's all my fault. IANTO : No it's not. JACK : Don't speak, save your breath. Ianto begins to sob a bit. IANTO : I love you. Jack shakes his head. JACK : Don't. Ianto's eyes fall closed... Jack shakes him a little in desperation, his voice breaking during the next line. JACK : Ianto. Ianto ? Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me please... stay with me, stay with me, please ! Ianto opens his eyes again, and looks up at Jack. Jack is crying. They're both trying to be strong for each other but it's of no use. IANTO : Hey. It was... good, yeah ? JACK : Yeah. IANTO : Don't forget me. Jack smiles. JACK : Never could. IANTO : A thousand years' time... you won't remember me. JACK : Yes I will. I promise, I will. Ianto gasps a bit, finally dying. JACK : Ianto. Ianto ? Don't go. Don't leave me, please. Please, don't... 456 : You will die. And tomorrow, your people will deliver the children. Jack looks up at the 456, the picture of tragedy: he has tears running down his face and is clutching Ianto's body. He places a gentle kiss on Ianto's lips and falls beside him. INT. GOLD COMMAND BOARD ROOM They were watching Jack and Ianto's doomed stand: there is utter silence in the room. PRIME MINISTER : What now ? RICK YATES : Two choices : eigher we go to war against an enemy we can't beat, or we go to war against our own people, for their own good. DENISE RILEY : An injury to one is not an injury to all. We can't go to war, we have to surrender. PRIME MINISTER : Thirty-five million children. DENISE RILEY : Or 6.75 billion people. The Prime Minister addresses Frobisher. PRIME MINISTER : Start putting your plan into action. INT. MORGUE Gwen follows two soldiers down an aisle among rows and rows of bodies covered in blood red tarps. One points off screen for her, directing her to her fallen comrades. SOLDIER : 13, 14. Gwen stands, steeling herself for a moment. She slowly moves forward, her boots clicking loudly in the dead silent room. She kneels down between the bodies labeled 13 and 14. She pulls the cover off of the first body, revealing Jack. Looking down at his body, she smiles tenderly. A dark look comes over her face as she glances down at the other body. She remains still for a moment before she pulls back the cloth to look at Ianto. Unlike Jack, he's pale and obviously will not be coming back. Jack gasps to life, but softly, unlike his usual huge intake of breath. He sits up, looks forward, glances to his side, and then stares at his lap, unable to look at Gwen and Ianto beside him. Gwen begins to cry softly. Jack comes up behind her and puts his arms around her, and together they look down at Ianto. GWEN : There's nothing we can do.

Torchwood finally learns the truth about the events of 1965. Britain is in danger of becoming a rogue state, and everything now pivots around John Frobisher, as the ambassador of the 456 destroys its old allegiances and reveals its true intent.

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Finn: My brothers went to great lengths to hide something from me. Now, I may not be able to get it out of them, but I'm willing to bet I can rip it out of you. Klaus: Marcel and all his vampires have inexplicably disappeared. Hayley: We have premarital rituals, which are what, exactly? Mary: You speak the truth, he speaks the truth, secrets are cleansed. Klaus: I'm going to have a little chat with the bride-to-be, remind her that some secrets need to stay buried. Cassie: You're the sister... Rebekah. Rebekah: You must be that harvest girl. Cassie, is it? (Cassie nods) How exactly does one go about breaking out of this joint? Cassie: There's no leaving. They say this place is haunted. Rebekah: There was someone in my room. There was a girl, a girl in black. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Rebekah, still in her new vessel's body, is sleeping fitfully in her bedroom. The lettered tiles on the floor still spell out "FREYA" next to her bed. The scene flashes to the locked door upstairs, where the glass-topped coffin that held what is presumed to be Freya's body. Suddenly, the door to the locked room opens, and Freya (not just a spirit, but flesh and blood) appears in the doorway of Rebekah's bedroom. As Rebekah tosses and turns, she gets visions in her dreams of young Freya being taken from the pregnant Esther and young Finn by their aunt Dahlia. Freya walks into Rebekah's room and stands at Rebekah's bedside, where stares at her as she sleeps) Mama! Aah! Mama! Freya: Mother! Mother! [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Many of the werewolves who aren't under Finn's control and their children have returned to the Bayou, where they live in the encampments. Many of the werewolves are collecting firewood and other necessities in preparation for the Unification Ceremony. Two young boys are throwing around a baseball, which they accidentally drop onto the ground. As it rolls away, one of the boys chases after it, where it lands right under the foot of Klaus, who has just arrived. Klaus crouches down and smiles at the boy as he picks up the ball, but instead of handing it to him, he carries it with him to address the crowd.) Klaus: I wonder if you lot can help me. I'm looking for the hybrid who calls herself your queen. (The werewolves stare at him in silence) I prefer you tell me where she is before I grow irritated. After all... (He tosses the ball back to the young boy) .. there are children present. (He raises his eyebrows expectantly at the crowd.) (Hayley is near the lake at the edge of the woods where she's skipping rocks along the water. After a moment, Jackson comes up behind her to join her.) Jackson: You scared me. (Hayley jumps, startled, before turning back to face him) Was worried you ran off in the middle of the night. Hayley: No. I was just out here thinking. (She throws another rock into the water, and Jackson picks up a stone to skip as well.) Jack, I know I'm supposed to divulge my great secrets, but I can't. Can't even tell you why I can't. Jackson: I mean, you really think there's a secret you have that's so bad, you can't tell me? Hayley: It's not safe, Jack. Jackson: When have we ever been safe, Hayley? Our people have been cursed, hunted, exiled, but you and me, this wedding, we can change all that. We can create a new pack, one with your ability to turn at will. So we give each other our secrets. If we don't, then the transfer of power won't work, and we're back to where we were. (Hayley bites her lip anxiously, still looking hesitant.) Look. Even if we call off the wedding, there's still something I need to tell you. Hayley: Jack, I'm sure you've lived quite the life, but I can't imagine that your secret is anything like mine. Jackson: (solemn) There's one. (He takes a deep breath) Has to do with how your parents died. (Hayley's face falls, and she turns to face him, both eager and worried to hear what he has to say.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (It's daytime now, and the witches of the asylum are all congregated downstairs; some are sewing, others are reading. Freya is sitting barefoot on the floor in front of the television, watching Tom and Jerry, but if any of the other witches recognize her, they don't mention it. Cassie is sitting at the piano, playing a simple, quiet tune when Rebekah sits next to her on the bench and sighs dramatically.) Cassie: (looks at her) You look terrible. Rebekah: (looks around) I didn't sleep very well. Cassie: Heard you got caught out past curfew... again. Rebekah: (smiles) A simple misunderstanding. Kindred witches like to be in charge. I don't much care for taking orders. (Cassie rolls her eyes at Rebekah) On that note... (Rebekah pulls an apple out of her sweater pocket and surreptitiously hands it to Cassie. Cassie looks shocked and appalled.) Cassie: (whispers) Where did you get that? Rebekah: I nicked it from the pantry. Cassie: (worried) But the kindr... Rebekah: (interrupts her) Did you miss the part where I said I don't care about rules? Take the apple. Cassie: You're out of your mind. (Cassie gets up to leave, and Rebekah shoves the apple back into her sweater pocket before following after her. The two sit on a nearby loveseat to continue talking.) Rebekah: I'm a free spirit, which is why I don't intend to spend another night trapped in this bloody dungeon. Cassie: (whispers) What are you talking about? Rebekah: You know that any spell can be broken with enough power. What we need to do is channel something strong. (Cassie looks at her, confused) I went to the room with the locked door. There's something in there, someone. I'm not sure who she is or why she's here, and I don't care. Point is, she's strong. I mean, I didn't even know what witch power felt like, and still, I could sense it coming out of that room in waves. You and I can channel her and bust free of this loony bin. (Rebekah smiles and holds out the apple out to Cassie, who hesitates for a moment before finally smiling back and taking it. They stand and walk into the other room, where Rebekah notices Freya watching television, though she doesn't recognize her for who she is.) Rebekah: (whispers) Who's the new girl at the telly? Cassie: One more bonkers witch, got dumped here in the middle of the night. Rebekah: Anything good on? Freya: These paintings can move. They depict a rodent breaking the bones of a rather tenacious feline. Rebekah: (amused) Those are just cartoons. (Freya says nothing, and laughs as something funny happens on the television. Rebekah, intrigued, kneels down next to her to look her in the face) Freya: Ha ha! Rebekah: Do I know you from somewhere? (Freya remains quiet, and Rebekah shrugs) I guess not. (After a moment of looking at Freya, Rebekah pulls another apple out of her bag and hands it to her) Keep up your strength, luv, and enjoy your cartoons. (Rebekah stands up and walks away, leaving Freya to her television. Once she's gone, Freya snatches the apple and hides it under her skirt. She watches Rebekah leave and smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - CLAIRE TOMB ] (Davina wakes up on the couch in her family's tomb to the sound of old-fashioned jazz music coming out of a gramophone player. She looks around in confusion for a moment until she recognizes her surroundings. Kol is seated at a nearby table, fiddling with a Bunsen burner) Davina: (groggy) Whoa. What... How long was I asleep? Kol: All night. It was a rather fitful sleep, though. You were muttering about how you wanted to kill Klaus. (Davina giggles, and Kol lights the Bunsen burner with a flint) In fact, I'm glad that you're up because we are ready to get started. (He walks over to his small chest, where he has stashed one of Klaus' silver daggers that he stole in the 1910s. He pulls the dagger out and holds it up for Davina to see as she walks over to him) Davina: You sure you know how to do this? Kol: (sits down to examine the dagger) Have a little faith, Davina. I have been planning this for over a century. (He looks over at Davina, who smiles, but looks unsure. He gives her a look) You're not having second thoughts, are you? Now, you were the one that wanted to get rid of the b*st*rd without hurting your friends. Davina: (shakes her head) I'm past second thoughts. Kol: (smiles) That's my girl. (Suddenly, Davina's phone buzzes from across the room. Kol gestures over to it as he starts to adjust the flame of the burner) Oh, you might want to turn that off. It's been buzzing all this morning. (Davina walks over to the couch and picks up her phone, but frowns when she sees several texts left by Aiden. They read: "Call me." "Josh and Marcel are missing." "Call me ASAP." Worried, she walks over to Kol to show him the texts) Davina: Josh and Marcel are still missing. (She rushes off, leaving Kol looking conflicted) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Finn has managed to bring Marcel, Josh, and the rest of the vampires to Lenore's old shop, where he has placed them each in their own magic circle that is bound with human bones. They seem to all be trapped in their respective circles; some of the vampires are conscious and rolling around in agony, while others, like Marcel, are unconscious. Finn stands over their bodies and smirks.) Finn: (to the vampires) How the mighty have fallen. Simple bit of magic, and once-mighty vampires now lie before me. How does it feel, hunger so intense, like shards of glass creeping through your veins? (He kneels down next to Marcel's unconscious body) Of course... I have you to thank. You led them to this, but then, perhaps, you might still be able to save them. In 1,000 years, you are the closest my brother has come to making a friend, and I wonder, what secrets did he share, and what do I need to do to you in order to tear those secrets free? [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU - MARY'S CABIN ] (Mary is in the middle of chopping up potatoes, tomatoes and peppers in her home when Klaus appears in her doorway. She senses his presence and turns to face him, and he smiles at her) Mary: (clutches her knife protectively) What do you want? Klaus: Well, we could start with some common courtesy. You could invite me in. Mary: (scoffs) Not likely, vampire. Klaus: (smiles) I'm a hybrid, dear, half wolf. You and I could be distant relatives, for all you know. Matter of fact, I'm looking for another of my kind. Rumor has it she's nearby. Mary: What do you want with Hayley? Klaus: I wish only to remind her of the importance of family, dissuade her from foolish mistakes. Mary: Jackson is with her now. They can look out for each other. Why don't you just leave them alone? Klaus: Well, perhaps I should. Clearly, I can trust Jackson's selfish nature, willing as he is to marry Hayley and save her from the horrors of her current existence and in exchange for nothing more than an empowered werewolf pack to serve as his own personal army. Hmm, you know, on second thought, I think I'd like to congratulate the bride and groom. (Mary looks alarmed) No doubt, they're close by tending to their prenuptial observances... (He slams his hand against the door frame) .. and since you've been unable to help me find them... Well, I suppose I'll have to hunt them down myself, won't I? (Mary looks at him nervously as he vamp-speeds away) (Meanwhile, deep in the Bayou, Jackson has brought Hayley to a makeshift graveyard) Hayley: What is this place? Jackson: It's where wolves bury those that walk away from the pack... Traitors, murderers, like this one... (He shows Hayley a rudimentary grave marker made out of wood. It has the initials RXD carved into it above a crescent moon) .. Richard Xavier Dumas. He was Mary's husband, my grandfather. He was an alpha of his time, militant, radical, hell-bent on waging war with vampires. When he found out that your parents and mine planned to join the packs, try for peace with Marcel and his crew, he went ballistic. Hayley: (shocked and horrified) It was him, wasn't it? He was the one that killed my parents. Jackson: (sad) He wanted to stop them, everything they stood for, and he did. Hayley: (near tears) I have spent my entire life wondering what happened to them. (Jackson gulps guiltily) Why did you wait so long to tell me? Jackson: No. I didn't know until Mary told me. She said she'd held on to the secret of what my grandfather did for two decades and knew it was time for it to come out... (He bites his lip anxiously) .. but I knew I had to be the one to tell you truth is, I didn't know if I could. Hayley: (shakes her head) I don't blame you, Jack. (Sniffles) I guess I just really hate secrets. Jackson: That was my secret. Whatever yours is, if you don't want to tell me, then don't. Doesn't change a thing, least of all how I feel about you. (Suddenly, Klaus appears behind him) Klaus: Quite the romantic sentiment. (Jackson turns to look at Klaus and scowls at him) I wonder, however, if I might impose on this lovely tableau long enough to have a word with Hayley. (Jackson looks hesitant, but Hayley gently squeezes his shoulder) Hayley: It's okay. (She gestures for him to leave) Go ahead. I'll meet you back at Mary's. (Jackson pats Hayley on the back before he reluctantly leaves them to talk) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Rebekah and Cassie are sitting across from each other, pretending to play cards, while they discuss their plans) Rebekah: Tonight is the night. Once everyone is asleep, I'll grab you. (Cassie looks nervous, but smiles weakly at her. Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of groaning as the blonde Kindred witch drags Freya into the next room by the arm and pins her down on the table face-first by the back of her neck. Cassie and Rebekah immediately turn their heads and watch in horror. The Kindred witch, who has a fresh cut on her cheek that runs perpendicular to the two scars, holds out the apple Rebekah gave Freya, which is half-eaten) Blonde Kindred Witch: (furious) Uh! Where did you get this, huh? (The witch roughly slams Freya's head onto the table a second time. Rebekah starts to stand to intervene, but Cassie stops her) Cassie: (scared) Uh! Don't. Just let it go. (The Kindred witch slams Freya's head against the table again, and she looks as though she's starting to lose consciousness. Rebekah is unable to watch her continue to hurt the young girl and runs over to her. She rears back and punches the Kindred witch in the face, and when the witch falls to the floor, Rebekah groans and massages her hand. Rebekah is quickly restrained by two orderlies while the Kindred witch recovers. Her nose is bleeding, and she's furious) Blonde Kindred Witch: Do you know what I do to thieves? Rebekah: (terrified) Ah! Ah, that hurt. (The Kindred witch slams Freya's head against the table again, and she looks as though she's starting to lose consciousness. Rebekah is unable to watch her continue to hurt the young girl and runs over to her. She rears back and punches the Kindred witch in the face, and when the witch falls to the floor, Rebekah groans and massages her hand. Rebekah is quickly restrained by two orderlies while the Kindred witch recovers. Her nose is bleeding, and she's furious) Blonde Kindred Witch: You little bitch. (She picks up a fireplace poker and walks over to Rebekah, who has been shoved face-first against the table by the orderlies. They hold her right hand down on the table, and the Kindred witch holds the poker up in the air) Rebekah: (terrified) Aah! Aah! Aah! (The Kindred witch slams the poker down on Rebekah's hand and wrist, and she screams out in agony and tries not to cry) Blonde Kindred Witch: Today's lesson... You take from us... (She turns to Freya, who is standing back away from them, sees wearing a silver necklace with a blue stone, and rips the chain off of her neck) .. and we take twice as much from you. (The Kindred witch and her cohorts let go of Rebekah and leave. Rebekah winces as she examines her shaking, injured hand. Freya looks shocked and approaches her) Freya: You helped me. Why? Rebekah: (gasps in pain) Because I'm a bloody fool... (Panting) Or maybe I just like the idea of us girls sticking together. (Rebekah stands to her feet and walks back to Cassie, gingerly holding her injured right hand in her left. As she leaves, Freya smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley and Klaus are still at the makeshift graveyard for werewolves who deserted their pack) Klaus: (incredulous) Have you lost your mind? Are you seriously considering this preposterous truth-telling idiocy? Hayley: Actually, I'm kind of on the fence. Klaus: Well, then allow me to make this simple for you. Under no circumstances will you divulge any family secrets, especially none that would endanger our child. Hayley: Except it's not that simple, Klaus. You saw what Finn did. He's growing more powerful by the day. (Klaus sighs and turns away, knowing she's right) Right now, he controls over half of the wolves. This marriage could change that. Klaus: The outcome of your strategy is not worth the risk it imposes on our daughter. Hayley: (frustrated) Well, it's not a risk if I trust Jackson. (Klaus rolls his eyes and sighs) Oh... Klaus, think. We could have a whole army of super wolves who could protect hope as one of their own. Klaus: (irritated) Hope doesn't need a wolf army. I'll protect her myself, and an easy time I'll have of it, too, without you running off sharing secrets with every motley member of your werewolf brethren. Hayley: (loses her temper) Damn it, Klaus. This is our chance. We can bring her home. We have to at least consider this. Klaus: I have considered it, and I have deemed it absurd, and in this matter, there is no one above my decree, not even you. (Hayley glares at him as he steps closer to her and looks her in the eye) You will tell Jackson the wedding is off. Hayley: (angry) It's a good thing that I don't take orders from anyone, especially not from you. (Klaus scowls at her, visibly frustrated) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - CLAIRE TOMB ] (Kol is sitting at one of the tables in the tomb when Davina arrives with Aiden in tow) Kol: So much for having a secret lair. Davina: (to Aiden) Don't mind him. Did you bring the stuff I asked for? Aiden: Yeah. (He reaches into his knapsack and pulls out a hairbrush and a toothbrush, which he gives to Davina) This is everything Josh left at my place. Kol: (raises his eyebrows) Ah, practically moved in, has he? Davina: (sighs) Kol, please shut up. (Davina sets the hairbrush and toothbrush onto a map of New Orleans, which she has weighted down with small hematite stones. A candle burns nearby next to the map, and Davina sprinkles black sand onto the map to prepare for a locator spell) Davina: Ok. Here we go. Kol: (holds out his arm) All right. Come on, then. Channel me. It'll be quicker. Come on. (Davina sighs and takes his hand in her own as the two close their eyes and begin the spell) Davina & Kol: Ce che vous, pro la busque. Ce che vous, pro la busque. Ce che vous, pro la busque. (The sand on the map starts to move, until it has formed a single pile in the middle of the map. Davina and Kol pore over it to determine Josh's location) Davina: (points at the map) Right here, the street corner. Kol: Oh, yeah. I know where. It's the little bodega the witch Lenore used to run before my mother hijacked her body. Aiden: Great. Thank you for the help. (Aiden grabs his things and starts to leave, but Davina stops him) Davina: Wait. What? You can't go alone. Kol: Well, to be absolutely clear here, technically, he definitely could go alone. Davina: (walks toward Aiden) No. It's a suicide mission. Kol: (gestures around at all three of them) Yeah, and what's more tragic than a suicide mission but a mass suicide mission? Aiden: (frustrated) I'm not leaving Josh trapped with a nutjob that hates vampires. (Kol gives Davina a look that says he's not keen on helping, but Davina glares at him) Davina: Neither am I. (The two head for the door, and Kol sighs in frustration) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (The blonde Kindred witch is walking up the stairs holding Freya's sapphire-blue necklace in her hands. Once upstairs, she hears a creaking noise, and turns to look toward the locked door to the room where Freya's coffin was held. Suddenly, the door creaks open, and the witch, looking confused, walks down the hall toward the room. As soon as she makes it to the doorway, she starts to peek inside the cracked door when she's suddenly yanked into the room by an invisible force, and the door slams shut behind her) Blonde Kindred Witch: (shrieks) Aah! [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Klaus and Hayley are still arguing about whether or not Hayley should tell Jackson the truth) Hayley: I am done listening to you. (She starts to walk away from Klaus) Let me know when you want to have a real conversation. Klaus: (chases after her and grabs her arm to stop her) Hayley! Hayley: (yanks her arm away) I'm not gonna stand here quietly while you tell me what I can and cannot do to protect my daughter. Klaus: Our daughter. Hayley: Right. Ours, but it was your mother who tried to kill her, and who knows what your equally psychotic brother is up to? Klaus: I will deal with Finn. Hayley: And then what? Hope will always be the daughter of Klaus Mikaelson, the hybrid killer with 1,000 enemies. (Klaus looks hurt and sighs before looking away) Don't you get it? It's you. You're the threat. You're so paranoid that you can't see that this wedding can help her. She can come home. The wolves will be on our side. Klaus: (frustrated) The wolves cannot be trusted. Hayley: (yells) In your paranoid mind, nobody can be trusted. Where does it end? Klaus: (shouts) There is no end! Need I remind you I killed my own father in order to protect her? Hayley: (exhausted and near tears) Really? That's why you killed him... or is it just that you were so terrified of letting someone, anyone, in? (Klaus scowls at her, visibly hurt. Hayley whispers quietly) I know this wedding can work. We can bring our little girl home, but you have to trust me. (Klaus nods at her and gently caresses her face with his hands) Klaus: (whispers) I do trust you... (Hayley looks at him hopefully) .. more than you know. (Hayley briefly looks as though Klaus is finally agreeing with her, but before she can say anything, he snaps her neck and catches her right before she falls onto the ground) Uh! I just don't trust Jackson. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Marcel awakens in Lenore's shop to find that he's been bound by his wrists and ankles to a chair. He struggles to break the ropes, but the harder he tugs on them, the more they burn him) Finn: You can't free yourself. Those ropes have been soaked in vervain. (He plucks a fresh vervain flower from a nearby table and sniffs it) But I did lessen the spell that made you hungry... (He tosses the vervain flower onto the table) .. affording us an opportunity for some civilized discourse. (Marcel groans and continues to struggle against his restraints as Finn grabs a chair and sets it in front of Marcel so he can sit and talk) Let's start with our mutual friend Camille. The topic that consumed the majority of our time together was her troubled relationship with Niklaus. He confided in her, but she knew nothing that I could use against him, and yet recently, I had occasion to speak with my brother, and I realized that he has a secret, one that he is desperate to protect, and I think that that secret is a weakness. So tell me, Marcel, what is it? Marcel: (incredulous) You really think that he trusts me with anything that could be used against him? Finn: You're Klaus' ally, and I think you know something. Marcel: You can think whatever you want as long as you don't mind knowing that you are a chump. (Finn, annoyed, blows on his index finger and thumb and rubs them together, causing Marcel's muscles to seize up. He yells out in pain until Finn undoes the spell, and Marcel sighs in relief) Marcel: Aah! Uh! Ah! Finn: Tell me what you know. Marcel: (gasps for breath) I'll tell you what I remember. (Finn leans forward, clearly interested) Two centuries back, I was just a kid looking through the compound. I found a coffin. (Finn frowns) Klaus catches me, and he says, "that's my brother Finn. We keep him like that because he is such a bore." (Marcel laughs weakly, and Finn, offended, casts another spell that causes his muscles to seize up painfully. Marcel yells in pain as Finn stands and walks away) Marcel: Aah! [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Freya is standing in Rebekah's bedroom, looking out the window while Rebekah sleeps. Suddenly, she calls out to her) Freya: Rebekah? Rebekah: (sits up quickly and gasps) Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack? (Rebekah examines her wrist, which has been bandaged up, while Freya continues to stare out the window) Freya: Is it still beautiful? (Rebekah looks confused) New Orleans? I loved it so much the last time I saw it. Rebekah: New Orleans will remain a beauty long after you and I are bones beneath its clay. For now, you have to go back to your room. I've got things to do. (Rebekah sits up in bed to prepare for her plan. Freya turns back to face her) Freya: Why are you here in this place? Rebekah: (sighs) I was trying to help my brothers. My con artist of a blood relation Kol betrayed me, got me stuck in here. (She shakes her head angrily) Oh, when I get hold of him... Freya: (confused) Why do you fight with your own family? You should stand beside them. Rebekah: (chuckles awkwardly) It's... complicated, 1,000 years complicated. (She stands up and gets ready to leave) Listen. I think I found a way out of this hell hole. If you want to come with, meet me at the front door in 20 minutes. Either way, wish me luck. (Rebekah leaves, and Freya smirks, clearly impressed) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU - MARY'S CABIN ] (It's nightfall now, and Mary and Jackson are waiting for Hayley to return. Jackson is washing dishes at the sink, while Mary is sharpening a stake at the table. Jackson looks at her questioningly) Mary: (holds up the stake) For Klaus in case he comes back. (Suddenly, Klaus arrives in the doorway) Klaus: Speak the devil's name, et cetera, et cetera. I wonder if Jackson can come out to play. (Mary approaches Klaus with the stake, but Jackson holds her back) Jackson: It's ok. (He turns to Klaus and stands face-to-face with him just inside the doorway) Where's Hayley? Klaus: Resting. She was exhausted after your grueling day of wedding preparations, poor thing. No matter. Gives us a chance to chat. Jackson: I want your word this is between me and you. Klaus: (calm) Why, of course. You have my word as a gentleman. (Jackson's lip twitches anxiously as Klaus steps backward, silently inviting him to step outside. After a moment, Jackson steps out of the home and onto the porch, and Klaus smiles) Klaus: Brave lad. (Klaus' hybrid face comes out, and he vamp-speeds Jackson into the woods, leaving Mary looking frightened and worried) (In the woods, Klaus has let go of Jackson, and he rolls across the ground. He scrambles onto his knees and shouts out to Klaus, who has vanished) Jackson: Uh! Klaus! You want to fight me, come on! (Klaus comes out from behind a tree, and Jackson turns at the sound of his voice. Klaus slowly starts walking toward him) Klaus: You mistake my intentions. I haven't come here to fight you, not at all. This is to be an execution. Tell me, how, exactly, would you like to die? (Klaus stares at Jackson and smirks) Jackson: Agh! (After the break, Jackson's face is bloody as he's thrown onto the ground by Klaus, who stands over him) Klaus: Most of my victims start screaming about now. (Jackson starts throwing punches at him, but Klaus easily dodges them and shoves him back down onto the ground) I'd prefer if you spared me the tedium of any last words, but if you are so inclined, now would be the time. Jackson: Go to hell, you b*st*rd. Klaus: b*st*rd. Yes. That is exactly what I am, made so by your precious mentor Ansel. I'm curious. Did he teach you to regard me with such loathing, or is that bias all of your own? Jackson: (winces in pain and laughs) Is that what this is about? (He stands to his feet) You jealous I got to spend time with your daddy? Klaus: You were his most prized pupil, the benefactor to all of his wisdom. (He punches Jackson in the stomach, and Jackson doubles over in pain) Jackson: Uh! Klaus: Look at all the good it's done you. (Klaus shoves him back down onto the ground, and he lays still for a moment, trying to catch his breath, before getting back on his feet) Jackson: Uh! Well, you... could've learned from him yourself, uh, if only you hadn't killed him. (Klaus kicks Jackson's knees and knocks his legs out from under him) Uh! Oh! Oh! Klaus: I see you've mastered the self-righteous air of all hypocrites. The truth is, you're worse than me, using Hayley's best intentions for your own self-serving power grab. Jackson: You're wrong! Klaus: You want her power so you can wage wars and win territories. After all, it's what wolves do. (Jackson loses his temper and furiously begins fighting back. He punches Klaus hard in the face, but Klaus shoves him down onto the ground) Jackson: Gah! Uh! (wheezing) You don't know a damn thing about being a wolf. Klaus: No. I don't. I never had the luxury to live among my kind nor the chance to truly know my father... (Klaus lifts Jackson up by the chin and grabs him in a choke-hold, and Jackson groans) .. but you knew him. Perhaps he saw in you the son he always wanted. (He squeezes Jackson's throat even harder, and Jackson gasps for breath) I'm glad I was spared such a sorry fate. (Klaus throws Jackson across the clearing, where he hits his back hard on a tree and lands roughly on the ground. Jackson cries out in pain and rolls onto his back) Jackson: Uh! Gah... [SCENE_BREAK] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Marcel is fading in and out of consciousness from all the pain infliction spells Finn cast on him, and Finn lifts Marcel's head up roughly to look him in the face. Marcel bares his teeth at him angrily, but Finn just smiles) Finn: I'm convinced. You know nothing... (Marcel weakly jerks out of his grip) .. which means that whatever Klaus is keeping secret is so secret, he won't even share it with you. (He laughs, and Marcel glares at him) Perhaps there are other ways you can be of use to me. (Suddenly, the front door to the shop opens, and Kol comes inside, closing the door behind him. Finn looks stunned) Kol: Brother. Finn: (annoyed) What are you doing here, Kol? Kol: I heard a rumor that you'd taken Marcel prisoner... (He picks up a knife from a nearby table and examines it) .. and it just so happens that I owe him. (Kol takes the knife and stabs it into Marcel's right hand) Marcel: (moans in pain) Ohh! So I am going to kill the both of you. (Finn makes a face at Kol and annoyedly flicks his wrist, which snaps Marcel's neck. Then, he turns to Kol) Finn: You have some nerve coming here. All good grace with me was lost the moment you signed up with our wretched siblings. Kol: You know me, Finn. I take sides with whoever I think is gonna win, and, to be honest, well, you and mum were acting a bit daft, weren't you, but I heard about how you turned dear, old dad into your own personal black magic battery pack, and I thought, "wow, that's cold, but it's smart." (Finn looks as though he's interested) Now I can see which way the wind is blowing, and after the way the 3 of them treated us, I'll be happy to see them get what's coming. (Finn rolls his eyes and makes hand into a fist, which causes Kol to roar in pain and fall to his knees. Once Finn releases the spell, Kol gasps for breath and looks up at him) Kol: Aah! What was that for? Finn: For being a duplicitous beetle. Kol: (sighs) I have proved myself, Finn, more than you have. (He stands to his feet) I'm the one that put Rebekah in another body, and whilst Klaus is out there looking for his dear, little sister, I was forging a dagger that will put him to sleep for centuries. Finn: (exasperated) I don't want to put him to sleep. I want him dead. Kol: Yes, but you're gonna need allies, and I've got them. Davina Claire, she's a harvest girl. I've got her wrapped around my little finger. I have. With her on our side, there is nothing, nothing that will stand in our way. (The two brothers stare at each other) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Rebekah is wandering around the upstairs, looking for Cassie, but when she goes into Cassie's room, her bed is empty. Worried, she rushes down the hall, and when she sees the usually-locked door is opened a crack, she walks in to see who is in there. She finds the blonde Kindred witch on the floor, her face covered in blood where it has poured out of her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. When Rebekah looks at the coffin and wipes off the clear lid, she realizes in horror that the girl is no longer inside. Suddenly, she hears a creaking sound, but when she turns, she finds Cassie standing in the doorway. She has two cuts on her cheek that run diagonally down her face) Rebekah: (startled) Cassie. Cassie, where the hell have you... Cassie: I'm sorry, Rebekah, but you didn't leave me much choice. I told you, there's no escape. I had to turn to the only people I knew I could trust... (At these words, a group of Kindred witches file into the room and surround Rebekah, many of them holding canes and fireplace pokers. She looks at Cassie, visibly betrayed) .. and I told them that they had to deal with you. My only regret is that I didn't stop you before you killed one of our own... (Cassie gestures toward the blonde Kindred witch's body on the floor, but Rebekah just looks horrified) .. and now you have to be punished. (Cassie steps backward as the Kindred witches hold up their weapons threateningly) Rebekah: No. I didn't kill her... (She backs up against the wall and becomes angry) .. though, to be fair, I won't miss the ugly cow. Hrrgh... (Rebekah starts lashing out at the witches, elbowing one in the face, kicking the legs out from under a second. A third witch hits her upside the head with a cane, knocking her onto the floor, but before he can hit her again, he's lifted up into the air by an invisible source and thrown against the wall. Rebekah looks up, shocked, to see Freya standing in the doorway. The other witches gape at her in shock) Freya: (bored) You're all so mean, like the mouse that torments the cat in those cartoons. I think you're the ones who need to be punished. (She absentmindedly lifts her arms up, sending the two other Kindred witches into the walls before they fall to the floor. Cassie looks frightened and backs away from her, but Freya lifts her hand again to slam the door shut so she can't escape and walks toward her so they're face-to-face) Freya: The others were just ignorant bullies... (She caresses Cassie's face) .. but you, you're a smart girl, powerful, and yet you still betrayed a friend. (She grabs Cassie's face with both hands and concentrates, and Cassie starts shrieking in pain as blood starts pouring from her eyes and nose. When she dies, Freya drops her body onto the floor before turning back to Rebekah) Cassie: Aah! Aah! Aah! Freya: I despise traitors. (She grabs her necklace out of the blonde Kindred witch's dead hand, and helps Rebekah up to her feet. She notices Rebekah's bandaged hand and takes it in her own before she starts casting a spell to heal it) Rebekah: (flexes her hand) How did you do that? (Freya just smiles and turns away, leading Rebekah out of the room) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson, who is severely injured, is trying his best to crawl away from Klaus, but he easily catches up to him) Klaus: Uh... I've drawn this out for long enough... (Jackson groans in pain) .. but you can hardly blame me. I find the sheer audacity of your plot quite offensive. Hayley is part of my family now, and you would seek to use her for your petty ambitions. Jackson: (furious) I'm not using her. Klaus: Just admit your true intentions for this farce of a wedding, and I will end this quickly. Jackson: (still crawling away) I love Hayley, and I will fight for her... (He pulls a wooden blade he had tucked in his waistband and stabs Klaus in the abdomen with it) Klaus: Uh! Uh!... Jackson: Till I'm dead. (Jackson falls to the ground, completely exhausted. Klaus pulls the branch out of his stomach and throws in onto the floor) Ugh! Klaus: Well, you've got more fight in you than I'd have imagined...(He puts Jackson in a choke-hold and points the tip of the blade under Jackson's chin. Jackson tries his best to hold Klaus' arm back, but he's losing strength) .. but I remain unimpressed. Jackson: (gasps) Mhh! You told me once that my people were yours, too, and if you kill me now, promise me that you will help Hayley set our people free. (Klaus is surprised by these words and hesitates for a moment. Suddenly, Hayley appears out of nowhere and tackles Klaus. She lands on top of him and straddles him as she punches him in the face violently several times until Klaus grabs her fist and tosses her off of him before getting onto his feet. Hayley stands between Klaus and Jackson, protecting the latter) Hayley: I trust him, Klaus. Do you hear me? You're not gonna kill him, not unless you want to go through me. Klaus: (impressed) You truly believe that he is worthy of your trust? Hayley: Yes. Klaus: (surprised) Oh, you are stubborn, little wolf. Perhaps you two were meant for each other. Go on, then. Tell him. Have your wedding. Save your wolves... (He looks at Jackson) .. but you mark my words. If you ever betray her, I will find you, and I will deposit your head on the end of a spike. Perhaps I'll leave it in your grandmother's garden. (Klaus gives Hayley and Jackson one last look before vamp-speeding away. Hayley turns to tend to Jackson, who is still healing from his many injuries) Hayley: (approaches him) Here. (She caresses his face as he leans against her for support) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (At Lenore's shop, Finn is questioning Kol on his plans) Finn: Klaus knows you trapped Rebekah, and yet he hasn't tracked you down to torture her location out of you? Kol: (shrugs) Well, I'm smart enough not to be found. Ha ha ha! Ooh. Finn: (laughs in amusement) And Elijah also knows Rebekah is missing, and yet he remains unaccounted for. (Kol starts to get nervous) Despite my power, I've been unable to locate him, which suggests he's gone to great lengths to hide himself, and Elijah hides from no one... Unless he's keeping something hidden. Kol: (chuckles nervously) Wow, Finn, you sound like Sherlock Holmes after one too many tequilas. Finn: And you act a fool to dare think that I wouldn't know about your little friends in the back. (He starts walking toward Kol, who instinctively backs away from him and turns to look for Davina and Aiden) (In the back of the shop, Aiden and Davina are using flashlights to try and see who is in the room. Aiden finally finds Josh laying on the ground, tossing and turning restlessly, and calls her over) Aiden: Davina, I got him. (In the front, Finn has cast another pain infliction spell on Kol, and he once again drops to his knees in pain. Finn sighs and walks toward him) Finn: Allow me to send a message to your little girlfriend. (He flicks his wrist, casting a spell, which he directs to Josh) (In the back, Aiden has just lifted Josh into a seated position when he awakens with a gasp) Aiden: Josh... (He smiles) .. it's me. You all right? (As soon as Josh sees Aiden and Davina, his hunger overwhelms him, and he hisses at them with his vampire-face and fangs out. They both back away in alarm, just as they notice the other vampires start to stir and awaken as well, all of them ravenous after being starved again. When Aiden turns back to Josh, he's vamp-sped onto his feet and lunges for them to try to feed on them. Aiden tries to hold him back as long as he can, but when that doesn't work, Aiden's face turns guilty and he snaps Josh's neck. He then throws Josh's body over his shoulder and grabs Davina by the arm) Aiden: Come on. Davina: Hey, Josh, please... Aiden: Davina, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Freya uses her magic to telekinetically open the front doors of the Fauline Mansion, and as she walks onto the front porch and down the stairs, Rebekah follows behind her) Rebekah: You're her, the all-powerful girl in the coffin... That's how you did magic... But why didn't you just tell me? Freya: (stops walking to talk to her) I'd only just woken from a century of sleep. I wanted to know you, see what you were really like, and you didn't disappoint me. There's a spark in your, Rebekah. You're willful, also kind. You're not half as bad as our brothers. (Rebekah's smile falls, and she stares at Freya in confusion) Rebekah: What did you say? Freya: You're right, you know. We met once before... (They're transported in flashback to the Mikaelson Christmas party in 1914, which took place in The Map of Moments, while Freya narrates in voiceover. Rebekah approached Freya, who was wearing a blue dress and who Rebekah believed to be Kol's date to the party) .. Christmas party in 1914. I was so desperate to catch a glimpse of my family. (In the present, she smiles at Rebekah, who is looking at her in shock and awe) Rebekah, you know who I am. Rebekah: (nods in shock) You're the girl in my nightmare. It really is you... (She stares at Freya for a moment, nearly in tears) .. Freya. (Freya turns and heads to the gate, gesturing to Rebekah to follow her. Rebekah does what she's instructed, and watches as Freya grips the bars of the front gate and casts a spell) Freya: Destruccive glas enfala. Destruccive glas enfala. (The doll's head that bound the spell spins around on its post and begins to melt, breaking the boundary) Freya: (turns to Rebekah) I slept 100 years, and now finally, I'm free. Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them soon, and I expect nothing less than their best behavior. (She turns and flicks her wrist, which telekinetically rips the gate right off of the hinges. Once it's open, Freya walks barefoot out into the night, leaving Rebekah alone. Rebekah, confused and overwhelmed, watches her leave) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Kol has just risen to his feet after another pain infliction spell from Finn) Finn: Now, are you through with this little ruse, brother? (Kol runs for his life into the back room, only to find that a dozen starving vampires are salivating at the sight of him and Davina and Aiden are gone. He backs up to go back into the front of the shop, only to bump into Finn, who uses his powers to snap all of the vampires' necks) Finn: Seems your little friend Davina has absconded with one of my prisoners. Kol: (anxious) I didn't come here for a fight. The little witch, she asked me to be a distraction. She can be quite pushy when she wants to be, you know? (Finn angrily scoffs and grabs Kol's head so their foreheads are touching) Finn: Don't you see? We were given a gift... (Kol shoves Finn off of him and looks at him in fear) Rebirth unfettered by vampirism. We were made clean, and all that was asked was a pittance in return, and you could not even give that. (He smacks Kol on the shoulder, and Kol starts to plead with him) Kol: Finn, you're angry, and when you're angry, you don't think straight. So just give me a chance. Finn: (interrupts him) You don't deserve another chance, Kol. (He quickly clutches Kol's face in his hands and looks him in the eyes) So I'm gonna give you the one thing I know you fear most... death. (Kol tries to shove him off, but Finn just grabs him by the shirt and presses his hand against his chest) Kol: No. No! Finn: O se kwe pe se. (Kol gasps and shudders in pain) I curse you to this body, unable to jump to another. Over the next few days, I want you to contemplate what's to come... A meaningless, lonely death and the darkness to follow. (He lets go of Kol and shoves him away, and Kol looks down at his chest, gasping for breath) Clock starts now. Be sure to say your good-byes. Go, brother. I will not miss you. (Kol looks at Finn, visibly shocked and betrayed, before he eventually turns to leave) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU - MARY'S CABIN ] (Mary is patching Jackson up on her back patio overlooking the lake) Mary: (puts a bandage on his stomach) There. You let that sit. (Jackson smiles at her, and she pats him on the shoulder) You'll feel better in the morning. (She gets up to leave when Hayley returns to the cabin) Hayley: Mary, I am so sorry. Mary: For what, knowing a monster, having baggage in your past? We all got that, some worse than others. (She puts a comforting had on Hayley's back) When Jack was down, you fought for him. (She smiles at Hayley) Lot of married folk never get that far. (Mary leaves Hayley to speak with Jackson alone. She walks onto the patio and sits next to him) Hayley: You ok? Jackson: I'll live. That's the thing I can't figure out. Why didn't he kill me? Hayley: Klaus was afraid of trusting anyone. I think he realized that not trusting you would be worse. He'd end up surrounded by enemies, alone. (Jackson looks at her, and she smiles before taking his hand in hers) Hayley: (whispers) I want to tell you a story... About a beautiful baby girl... (Jackson looks at her in shock) .. and the parents who swore they would die to protect her. (Jackson turns to her, shocked and surprised, and settles in to hear the story) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE ] (Klaus is on the phone with Elijah, who is still at the safe house with Cami and Hope. While he talks, Klaus chops up limes with a knife at the bar) Klaus: The wedding works in our favor. Newly empowered and ruled by Hayley, the wolves will be an asset to our family. Elijah: Yes, assuming you're willing to trust Jackson with our secrecy. Must confess, brother, I'm a little surprised to find that you do. Klaus: Well, faith in Jackson is a means to an end. If I had simply killed him, Hayley would have turned against me. (He holds up the knife he's using to chop limes and gestures with it as he talks) You should have seen the ferocity with which she defended him. It was impressive. (Elijah sighs and smiles) That being said, I don't take the matter of secrets lightly. Once the wedding takes place and the wolves are forever altered, well, Jackson's fate becomes a little less certain. (Klaus smiles and hangs up the phone. Elijah hangs up his own, looking pensive and a little conflicted) (At the compound, Klaus turns around when he hears someone entering the compound. It's Rebekah) Rebekah: Hello, Nik. (Klaus looks at her, confused, but pretty sure he knows who it is) I don't suppose you imagined that always and forever would lead us to this. Klaus: (gapes at her, clearly shocked, but eventually smiles) Rebekah. Rebekah: (laughs) You absolutely will not believe the week I've had. (The two smile at each other) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Finn is standing boredly in the chair across from Marcel, holding the small knife Kol stabbed Marcel in the hand with earlier, while he waits for him to wake up. After a moment, he does) Finn: Good. You're awake. (He holds up one finger) I've just one more question. Marcel: Ok. Let my guys go free, and I'll tell you whatever it is you want to know. Finn: (chuckles) How selfless, but we've already established that you don't know anything of any consequence. However, it's a common belief among the werewolves that you were, in fact, the last person to see Niklaus' child alive. You were in possession of the baby's corpse. (Marcel glares at him) So tell me, how, exactly, did the baby die? (Marcel thinks about this for a moment, but doesn't answer. Finn doesn't seem surprised) You don't remember. You don't remember because you were compelled to forget. Why would Niklaus compel away the truth from the vampire he thinks of as his adopted son, what... Besides a desire to protect his own daughter? (Marcel realizes where he's going with this and sighs. Finn looks practically gleeful) She's still alive... and now you and your vampires are gonna help me find her. (Marcel glares at him furiously) [ END ]

After a series of strange encounters, Rebekah becomes intrigued by a mysterious girl who has recently arrived to the insane asylum. At the bayou, Hayley struggles with coming clean to Jackson about the secrets she's keeping and is surprised when he shares his own secret involving Hayley's parents. Meanwhile, after learning the details of a particular marriage ritual that Hayley and Jackson must complete, Klaus heads to the bayou to put an end to it, but not before running into Jackson's grandmother Mary. Elsewhere, Vincent remains determined to uncover the secret he knows Klaus is hiding and sets his eyes on Marcel for answers. Lastly, when Davina discovers that Josh and Marcel are in danger, she enlists the help of Kaleb and Aiden to rescue them.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_05x06

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_05x06_0

[A Restaurant] (The waitress comes to serve Katherine) Waitress: Sure a little thing like you can eat all that? Katherine: I'm celebrating. I thought I was gonna die. I didn't. So now I'm free to be whatever I want to be. Heh. It's a good day Waitress: Love the hair, by the way. Bold choice (She leaves and Katherine looks at her hair and finds a strand of grey hair) [Salvatore's House] (Elena and Damon are cuddling on the couch) Elena: This is nice Damon: It is nice Elena: Quiet, still, peaceful. I like our life when it's like this Damon: But it is our life, which probably means that somebody's gonna walk through that door and shatter it Elena: Oh, don't say that Damon: In 10, 9... Elena: Just let me enjoy the moment Damon: 6, 5... Elena: Damon, today is the day that we're gonna bring Bonnie back. It's a good day Damon: 3...2... Elena: Damon, it's a good day (Silas enters) Silas: Greetings Damon: One Silas: Good morning, frenemies. Ah. You know, I'm only a few hours into my old life as a witch, but somehow, the sun feels warmer. Probably because I'm not cursed with having to outlive it any more Damon: What's with the home invasion, Silas? Silas: Well, Damon, after 2,000 years of a miserable existence, I finally get to die [A Cabin] (Stefan wakes up. Tessa is here) Tessa: Morning, sleepyhead. Sleep well? Stefan: Oh. Tessa. Hi Tessa: You're confused. Is that the amnesia or the Tequila? Stefan: Um, I think both. I'm still trying to piece together last night Tessa: We bonded over our misery. There were body shots. The misery lifted. Here. Berries (She gives him berries) Stefan: Thank you. What's got you in such a good mood? Tessa: I happened to see a text message pop up on your phone after you crashed last night. Warning from your friends. Silas took the cure. He's a witch. He's mortal, and now I can kill him. Get up, gorgeous. Your doppelganger dies today [Salvatore's House] Silas: We all know that Tessa is a real vengeful bitch. Your doppelganger Amara died at her hands, but today after 2,000 years, Amara and I will finally reunite Damon: All right. Skip the mushy parts. Look. My girl here is just trying to have a good day, and there are promises she's expecting you to keep Silas: Oh. You don't think that I keep my promises? Elena: You said that now you're a witch again you would bring Bonnie back from the other side Silas: I did, and I can Elena: And you promised Damon that you would do that if he helped you Silas: Yeah Elena: But you're kind of evil. No offense Silas: None taken Elena: So I'm just trying to figure out how I can trust that one of your last acts in this world will be to bring my best friend back Silas: Did you want me to pinky swear? Damon: She's trying to have a good day. Just tell her how it's gonna go down Silas: I just want to destroy the other side so I don't get stuck in that pit of a Purgatory when I finally do kill myself. Before I do that, I'll bring Bonnie back, and being the amazing and incredible and all-powerful witch that I am, I can totally do both things. I just have to find The Anchor first and destroy it Elena: The Anchor? [A Cabin] Tessa: Silas is looking for The Anchor. It's the object I used to bind the spell when I created the other side.Destroy it, the spell's broken. No more supernatural limbo, and Silas can die and find peace. I'd rather his lying, cheating ass not have that Stefan: Great, fine. I approve. Where is it? [Salvatore's House] Damon: New Jersey? The supernatural other world is bound by an object in Snooki's backyard? Silas: It's in a stockyard, and it's being shipped out, so we really need to... hello, hunter (They turn and see Jeremy, a crossbow in his hands) Silas: Banner day for you, huh? Didn't you and the Bennett witch used to... tch, tch Jeremy: Hey. Knock it off, ok? Elena: It's ok, Jer. We all want the same thing today... Damon: Aka, put the damn crossbow down, Pocahontas Jeremy: We're just supposed to believe that he's gonna bring Bonnie back to life out of the goodness of his heart? Silas: Well, I hope not. I mean, I am kind of a monster. You know, guys, I'm feeling really ganged up on right now, ok? I would hate to lose my temper and do something... Crazy. Ahh. Man, I really love being a witch again. I feel like I'm constantly reinventing myself. I'm like a supernatural Madonna, don't you think? [A Cabin] Stefan: So Silas read your mind and figured out where The Anchor is? Now what? Tessa: You now that old, ancient story I told you about the Travelers? Oh, wait. You don't. I fried your brain and took your memories. Sorry. The Travelers... you know how Silas wants to destroy the other side so he can be at peace with that slut Amara that he calls his one true love? The Travelers don't want that Stefan: Why not? Tessa: Not important. Scratch that. Very important. I'm just not gonna answer it Stefan: Um, you know what? I think I still need to be drunk to understand this story Tessa: The Travelers have been in possession of The Anchor for 2,000 years. They constantly move it so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, and they're not gonna let him get near it, at least not before I kill him Stefan: Yeah? Well, what if they fail? Tessa: He won't destroy it. He won't be able to Stefan: Why not? Tessa: Let's just file that under the not gonna answer it category [Salvatore's House] Silas: All right. We got to get going. You grab a crowbar or 4 from the garage Jeremy: What for? Silas: Does it matter? (He looks at Elena) Silas: You, you're not going. Men only Elena: Are you serious? He's not serious Damon: No, he's not serious Silas: Actually, I am 100% serious. She's a freaky carbon copy of my one true love Amara. You can understand why I don't want to stare at her imposter face all day Damon: That makes no sense Silas: If would make complete sense if you were ever in love with anybody who looked exactly like her Elena: This is ridiculous. We're bringing my best friend back from the dead. I'm going (He hurts her with an arrow) Silas: Next one goes in the heart. Now hurry up. I only have until sundown before Tessa tries to stop me [A Cabin] Stefan: Well, the one good thing about having amnesia is that I don't remember how I got in the middle of all this Tessa: Rest easy, sweet pea. Don't you worry about the details. Silas is going to die today, and he will spend eternity on the other side as far away from Amara and peace as possible. I have it all covered. You don't scheme as long as I have without considering every possibility (She can't go out) Stefan: What's wrong? Tessa: Silas put a spell on this cabin. We're stuck here until sundown Stefan: How do you know that? Tessa: Because I taught him the damn spell [Whitmore College] (Katherine comes out of the bathroom. Caroline enters, thinking it's Elena) Caroline: I don't want to know if Tyler called, so don't even tell me.Do you want to do small appliances or toiletries?I'd compel a cute boy to pack for us, but I don't think I want to see a cute boy ever again except for Jesse, who is conveniently not answering his phone Katherine: Um, we're moving out? Caroline: Hello! Dr. Maxfield thinks we're vampires, you know, threatened to expose us, told us to drop out Katherine: That sucks. Ahem (Caroline understands it's Katherine) Caroline: What the hell are you doing in my dorm, Katherine? Katherine: I just need a place to crash Caroline: What? I loathe you Katherine: I'm desperate, ok? Damon kicked me out, Stefan doesn't remember me, and I just spent my last $20 on a meal that I didn't even get to enjoy Caroline: Aw. And how is any of this my problem? Katherine: Look at you. Moving out, giving up? That's very un-Caroline of you. You need me bad. In exchange for a place to stay and Elena's meal card, I will help you deal with Dr. whoever Caroline: Dr. Maxfield. He teaches Bio Katherine: Heh. I'm sorry. What? You're scared of a teacher? Aw, honey, you really need to take a crash course on Villain 101, but luckily for you, I have an honorary doctorate. What do you say, roomie? [A Cabin] (Stefan's phone rings. It's Elena. Tessa answers) Tessa: Stefan's phone Elena: Who's this? Tessa: Uncanny. Your doppelganger voice is exactly like Amara's, so whiny Elena: Tessa, where's Stefan? Tessa: He's here. Well, not here, here. He hopped in the shower. Between us girls, he works up quite the sweat, but I guess you know that. May I leave him a message? Elena: Yeah. Remind him that you're a crazy bitch Tessa: I would, but I think that's maybe his type [A Car] (Silas, Damon and Jeremy are on the road. Damon is on the phone with Elena) Elena: He's with Tessa. Why does he keep going back to her? Damon: Look. Who knows? Amnesia Stef's a fickle little fellow Silas: Wait. You didn't tell Elena what we you did to Stefan? Elena: Tell me what? Damon: Well, Silas needed his psychic juju to get into Tessa's head, and the only way to temporarily reactivate his ability was to break Stefan's neck a couple times Elena: As if he didn't hate us enough.Damon, oh, God. I'm going over there Silas: She should really. Tessa's bad business Damon: No. Just let Stefan have his space. It's like you said, he's already mad enough Elena: Sounds like he's more mad at you. Maybe he and I can find some common ground (She hangs up) Silas: Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Who's there? The Mayor. The Mayor who? Damon: Well, who? Silas: No one. That's the joke. No one's there because I killed the mayor Jeremy: You're a dick [Whitmore College] (Dr. Maxfield is in his office alone, talking into a handheld recorder) 1.: Subject 62547. Blood film analysis. Cellular growth rate is phenomenal. As expected... (He hears some noise and finally sees Caroline) 1.: What are you doing here? [A cabin] (Tessa opens the door to Elena) Tessa: Well, if it isn't Stefan's fated love Elena: Where is he? Tessa: Come on in. Who am I to stand in the way of destiny? (She enters and sees Stefan) Stefan: Elena. You shouldn't have walked through that door Elena: I'm really sorry. I wouldn't have let Damon do what he did to you Stefan: Sure you would have. You have this annoying tendency to do anything he tells you to do Tessa: I'm no shrink, but I think it's called codependence Elena: Look. I get that you're upset with us for pretty much everything, but do you really think that sleeping with Tessa is gonna solve anything? Stefan: Who said I was sleeping with Tessa? Tessa: I am so bad with messages. Oh, look! Elena called. She's wondering why you're here. I may have embellished for effect Elena: Ok. I just came by to make sure that she hadn't done some, like, "Fatal Attraction" spell on you, but now that I know that you're good, I'm gonna go Stefan: Yeah. You really shouldn't have come inside [New Jersey] (Silas, Damon and Jeremy arrive at the stockyard) Damon: Thank god Silas: How do you it, Damon? How you can stand being here while your girlfriend sits at home worrying about her doppelganger soul mate? Damon: It's called being secure. I'm assuming you know a little bit about that by the way you wear your hair. Please don't tell me you believe in this doppelganger prophecy crap Silas: Crap? What do you mean crap? Do you not notice the universe trying to mirror my love for Amara by bringing our doppelgangers together? Damon: You do realize that by destroying the other side that you are personally moving heaven and earth to be together? That's not fate, you idiot.It's you being a crazy person (They have entered the stockyard) Jeremy: Ok. Where is this stupid anchor thing? Silas: I have no idea Damon: What do you mean you have no idea? Silas: Give me some credit, man. I did psychically dive into Tessa's mind to see this specific warehouse Jeremy: What does it look like? Silas: Again, I have no idea. Tessa created it after she locked me away in a tomb for 2,000 years and left me to starve. Remember? Remote island, creepy hallucinations? Damon: Wait. You don't know where it is or what it looks like? Silas: It binds a spell to a supernatural hell dimension. It's not gonna look like a freaking Ikea sink [Whitmore College] (Katherine and Caroline are still with Maxfield) Caroline: What did you inject him with? Katherine: I don't know. It just said avoid contact with eyes and do not ingest. Oops 1.: That's atropine Katherine: There you go 1.: What are you doing, Elena? Caroline: We're draining the vervained blood out of your system so I can compel you to forget that Elena and I are vampires 1.: Wait. What? You'll kill me! Caroline: Shh. I'm just... I'm trying to do some math. Ok.So if the average male has 5 liters of blood in his system... Katherine: That's about right Caroline: Then carry the one. Just round up. Perfect! 4.7 pints. Should I use the right arm of the left arm? 1.: Untie me. I'll find the vein myself. You will kill me Katherine: Give me. It's not my first rodeo. Can you give me one of those tubing thingies and, um, some tape? Caroline: Oh, my God. It's totally working Katherine: Ta-da. So... Doctor... You tell me... Who else knows about us? 1.: If you were willing to kill me, you wouldn't have gone through all this trouble.You should have left when I told you to. They're on to you Caroline: Who's they? The people you want to expose us to, that secret society thingie that you belong to? 1.: There's a gathering today at Whitmore house. The society's using it to suss out potential candidates. They were going to invite you until they started suspecting you were a vampire Katherine: So all I have to do is convince them that Elena Gilbert isn't a vampire? Done 1.: They'll never let you in, and a vampire can never get past the threshold [SCENE_BREAK] [New Jersey] (Jeremy is alone, opening a crate. Bonnie appears) Bonnie: What did that crate do to you? Jeremy: Bonnie, what are you doing here? Bonnie: Didn't want to miss the excitement. It's not every day a girl comes back from the dead Jeremy: Don't jinx it Bonnie: I'm not jinxing it. I'm being realistic. It's not a dime store spell, jer. When I brought you back, it killed me, remember? What I meant was it's just... it's not something I'm gonna count on, ok? Jeremy: Not ok. Have some faith. If you believe that it can work and I believe it can work, then it will work. Just say it. You need to say it Bonnie: It will work Jeremy: Thank you Bonnie: Jer, just so we're clear, I would die 100 times over just to have you standing here alive in front of me Jeremy: Before today is over... We're gonna know what...that... feels like (Damon and Silas are opening crates) Silas: Quit dawdling. We have to find this thing before the Travelers show up Damon: Why are they so interested in this anchor? Silas: They hate me for creating the immortality spell, and they know The Anchor's the only thing standing in between me and my soul mate, and every love story needs that one thing that just keeps getting in the way. Kind of like you, Damon Damon: You know, you might be an all-powerful witch... is that what you called it? Silas: Yeah Damon: But I will happily kill you if you keep that up Silas: Oh, no, you won't, not until I bring your girlfriend's bestie back (Damon's phone rings. It's Stefan. He answers) Damon: Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise? Tessa: You ain't seen nothing yet. Since I'm occupied at the moment, I need you to go ahead and kill Silas for me Damon: Gladly, but he's such a control freak that he wants to off himself Tessa: You mean, after he destroys the other side? Yeah. That's not gonna happen, plus I want him dead before he has the pleasure of finding The Anchor Damon: Yeah. I'm not following Tessa: Kill him now Elena: Damon Tessa: Did I mention I lured your girlfriend here to me. I used the oldest trick in the book... jealousy of Stefan! Thought you should know (She uses her powers on Elena) Stefan: Tessa! Damon: Stop. Stop it! I can't kill him yet. He has to do something for me first Tessa: Is that something more important than Elena? Because Silas put a spell on this house and bound it to the sun, which means we're trapped here until sundown, which means you have until then to kill Silas, or I kill Elena. With a face like Amara's, it might be cathartic Bye now Damon: Whoa. Wait! (She hangs up) [Whitmore College] (Katherine arrives at Whitmore House for the gathering. Diane Freeman opens the door) Diane: Miss Gilbert Katherine: You know me? Diane: I'm Diane Freeman. We met the night your roommate died Katherine: Of course. Crazy night. Anyway, I am here for the shindig Diane: I didn't realize you'd be joining us Katherine: Did I forget to RSVP? Oh, sorry. I've just been so busy with my studies Diane: We just started the tea Katherine: Got any food? (She goes to the buffet and starts eating. A lot. Aaron looks at her) Katherine: What? Are you the sandwich police? Aaron: Just trying to figure out why Wes told me to stay away from you Katherine: Do I know you? Aaron: Aaron. We met yesterday. You changed your hair. It's... Katherine: Aaron. Duh. Hi. So what are you doing here? Are you part of... The secret society? Aaron: The what? Katherine: You know... The society Aaron: I still have no idea Katherine: Either you're genuinely clueless, or you're very good at keeping secrets (One of her tooth falls) Aaron: Is that your tooth? Katherine: No. What is happening to me? [A Cabin] (Elena is sitting on the floor while Tessa and Stefan are next to each other, reading a magazine) Tessa: Look at all the incredible things they've dreamt up to do with food. Pineapple on pizza? (She looks at Elena) Tessa: So sad. Let me guess. Gluten-free? Elena: How did you get here? Tessa: Excuse me? Elena: Here, alive, from the other side. How did you come back to life? Tessa: Oh, yeah. That. You can blame your friend Bonnie for that. She opened the door and then distracted herself when she brought your little brother back to life, so I just walked right through when she died Elena: Well, today, Silas was gonna bring her back to life after he got The Anchor, but you told my boyfriend, who has never put anyone's life before mine, including his own, to kill Silas before he could do that. So, no, I'm not sad about the pizza Stefan: Look. Why don't we forget about the pizza? What do you say I make something? Tessa: Ok. Roasted duck Stefan: Wait. Do you have a duck? Tessa: No, but maybe I can lure one inside. Got Elena in. How much smarter could a duck be? Go for it Stefan: Right [New Jersey] (Damon and Jeremy are outside) Jeremy: We can't kill Silas. Silas is the only one that can bring Bonnie back, and he's not gonna bring her back until right before he destroys the other side Damon: Yeah? Well, Tessa wants to do it now. Something tells me patience isn't her strong suit Jeremy: Damon, you promised. You promised Elena that she would see Bonnie again Damon: You don't think I'm aware of that? But if Tessa kills Elena, guess who's not gonna make it to Bonnie's welcome home party? Plan's off, Jeremy. Bonnie's not coming back. Sorry (He goes back inside and Bonnie appears) Bonnie: It's ok, Jeremy Jeremy: Bonnie... She's my sister Bonnie: Jeremy Gilbert, do you not know me at all? Is there a part of you that thinks for one minute that I'd let one of my friends die just so I could come back to life? I'm dead, jer, and as much as I want to come back maybe I'm just supposed to accept it Jeremy: We were so close Bonnie: I know we were. Go help him kill Silas (Damon is inside and 2 travelers appear, speaking a foreign language) Damon: I've met a lot of witches in my day. Never quite heard that one before. Let me guess. Travelers (One of them speaks again and they use their powers on him) Damon: Why do you witches always go for the daylight ring? I was about to do your little euro tribe a favor. I want to kill Silas, too Traveler: That's the problem. We don't want him dead yet Damon: Well, that's not gonna work for me [Whitmore College] (Caroline is still with Dr. Maxfield, whose blood is still being drained) 1.: You're oddly calm, which only adds to my complete and utter terror Caroline: Sorry. I spaced 1.: You spaced? Caroline, I would have bled to death Caroline: You know what? I just broke up with my boyfriend for good. My heart is in pieces. Sue me for having a moment 1.: My apologies. Is the moment over? Caroline: Yes, it is (She compels him) Caroline: Now answer my questions truthfully. What is the secret society? 1.: It's called Augustine Caroline: Augustine? I've never heard of it 1.: That's the whole point Caroline: And how do you become a member? 1.: Most recruits are legacies, but some of us were chosen for our extraordinary talents Caroline: And what is your extraordinary talent? 1.: Being brilliant Caroline: Not to mention that you're willing to lie on autopsy reports like my roommate's. You knew that she was killed by a vampire. Is that why you covered up her death? 1.: No. I covered up her death because it wasn't just any vampire. It was the Augustine vampire Caroline: Hang on. Ok. So your creepy elitist society also has their own vampire? Who is it? (They hear someone coming) Diane: Wes, you in there? It's Diane Freeman (Caroline is still compelling him) Caroline: You were wrong. Elena Gilbert and I aren't vampires. We're just regular freshmen. You're light headed because you gave blood this morning. Forget everything that happened here (She disappears and Diane enters) Diane: Wes? So you are here 1.: Of course I'm here. Why? Diane: Because it's 5:00. You missed the Whitmore party 1.: What? I was working. The day must have gotten away from me Diane: That's not all you missed. Guess who I watched strut right through the front door. Elena Gilbert. Clearly not a vampire. What made you so convinced she was? 1.: I... have no idea. I guess I was wrong [A Cabin] (Stefan is cooking. Tessa is next to him) Stefan: Try this and let me know what you think Tessa: All right. Mmm. It's good Stefan: Yeah? Tessa: Yeah Elena: Ok. I get it. You hate me. You may not have any memories, Stefan, but I do. This person, she's not the type of person that you would like Tessa: That's not very nice, especially considering I've allowed you to remain alive until sundown. Oh. Almost sundown (She goes to the door) Stefan: Elena, don't say a word. I got this. I know you think that I hate you, but I don't. I won't let her hurt you, I promise (Tessa is calling Damon) Tessa: Why isn't he picking up for... (He answers) Damon: What? Tessa: Is he dead yet? (Jeremy rejoins Damon) Damon: There you are. Man up. We're under attack. No. He's not dead yet. I was just ambushed by some of your inbred cousins.Any idea why Travelers who hate Silas would want to stop me from killing him? Tessa: They probably want his blood Damon: For what? Tessa: Silas drank the cure from Katherine. Now his blood is the cure Damon: But they're not immortal, so who do they want it for? Tessa: Think about it, Damon. The Travelers aren't fans of immortality, and I had to bind the other side to something, something that would last forever, something that Silas couldn't destroy Damon: What, his favorite childhood sled? Tessa: Something a little closer to his heart. 2,000 years old, immortal, indestructible. You're a quick boy, Damon.Figure it out (She hangs up and Stefan attacks her) Stefan: Elena, run! (They run) [New Jersey] Damon: No way Jeremy: What? Damon: Not possible Jeremy: What? Damon: Tessa may be insane, but she's a bona fide genius. 2,000 years old, immortal, indestructible. The Anchor isn't a thing. It's a person (Silas opens a crate and finds Amara inside) Silas: Amara Damon: She never killed Amara (Silas wakes up Amara) Silas: You're still alive. Amara... It's me (They go outside) Silas: You're ok Amara: Go away, go away. Go away. Leave me alone Silas: No, no, no. It's ok. It's me, it's me Amara: Silas Silas: It's me Amara: Silas, how are you here? After all this time... How are you here? Silas: I thought you were dead. Tessa said she killed you. She held your heart in her hands Amara: She lied. She shouldn't kill me. There was only one cure. She wanted it for you Silas: I took it. I'm sorry. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be at peace with you Amara: The cure runs in your veins Silas: I was ready to die for you Amara: I love you, Silas. I'm so sorry. I have to be cured. I can't live another day [Whitmore College] (Katherine enters Dr. Maxfield's lab) 1.:Elena Gilbert, what brings you by? (She gives him his recorder) 1.: How'd you get this? Katherine: Mystery. I listened to about half before I nearly blew my brains out from boredom except for the part about your subject's blood being abnormal. That part was mildly interesting 1.: Well, thanks for returning it Katherine: Now that subject, 62547, right, is that the Augustine vampire? 1.: I think you should go Katherine: Heh. And do what, sprinkle all of your dirty little secrets across campus like Augustine and all the vampire experiments that you've been doing? Come on, Dr. Wes. Aren't you supposed to be some sort of genius?I'm sure we can come up with some creative solution for our little predicament 1.: I have to say if I wasn't such a genius, I might actually think you were blackmailing me, Elena Katherine: Actually, my name's Katherine. Elena's my doppelganger, and while I let you chew on that... I'll admit there is something that I can't solve on my own (She shows him her tooth) 1.: Is that a tooth? Katherine: It's my tooth. I think I'm dying, and I need you to save my life [New Jersey] (Amara is alone and talking alone) Amara: Stop talking. It's not up to you. Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Please leave me alone. Leave me alone (Then she sees Damon) Amara: Are you real? Damon: Are you? [Salvatore's House] (Elena and Stefan arrive) Stefan: Well, uh, have a good night Elena: Yeah. It's weird. Even with no memory, you're...Still you Stefan: Well, Tessa was gonna kill you, and you don't seem like you deserve that, so I was just going on instinct, that's all Elena: Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Your instincts were always to protect me, so thank you for... for just being you Stefan: Well, have a good night (He leaves. Jeremy and Damon are in the living room) Damon: Stefan Salvatore sleeps in his own bed tonight. Does that mean he stopped hating us, or did the power of the fated doppelganger universe push him into the car with you? Elena: Well, he, uh, saved my life, so I'll take that as not hate Damon: Victory in a day otherwise marred by failure Jeremy: We couldn't get Bonnie back. I get a pass Elena: Did I say anything? (Bonnie appears) Bonnie: Tell her it's for the best, jer Jeremy: No. No, I won't because it's not Damon: what? Jeremy: Bonnie's here. She wants us not to worry Elena: We're gonna keep trying, Bonnie, ok? It's not over. We've dealt with much worse Damon: Well, Silas is M.I.A. and out and about, which is pretty bad, and Amara's been cured, which is even worse because now she's easy to kill, so the fate of the other side, where Bonnie currently resides, rests on a living, breathing human being that we now need to protect Elena: We need to protect? (Damon opens his trunk and Elena sees Amara) Damon: Elena, meet crazy pants. Crazy pants, meet Elena (Stefan enters his bedroom. Tessa is here) Stefan: What are you doing here? Tessa: Do you have any idea what it's like watching history repeat itself? Stefan: You're hurt. I can heal you Tessa: No, no. I want this wound. It's a reminder of what you really are. See, memories are important. I made a mistake when I found you. I eased your pain. You used to have a lot of pain. Remember? You killed your own father... And then forced your brother to become a vampire. And that was just the start of your reign of terror. You hated yourself for a century, but then you found her. Didn't last very long, did it? Stefan: Stop it. Stop it, please Tessa: But the ending's the best part because you actually felt real pain, physical pain, torture. Remember? You were trapped in a safe and tossed in a quarry. Water flooded in. You tried to scream, you tried to escape, but all you could do was drown over and over and over again. The only thing keeping you sane was that one day one of the two people you loved... Would come rescue you, but they didn't. I did. Always remember that

Katherine, who needs desperate help, goes after Caroline and asks for help. The two collide and go after professor Wes, of whom Caroline is suspicious, and try to find out his motives against vampires. Elena who thinks Stefan is in danger goes to save him from Qetsiyah but ends up trapped as well. Damon and Jeremy help Silas find the anchor of the other side. Qetsiyah reveals to Damon that the anchor is not an object, in fact it's Silas' lost love - Amara. Silas is able to free Amara but she attacks him and takes the cure. Damon and Jeremy decide to take Amara to use her as leverage against Silas. Katherine replaces Elena and goes at a secret community where vampires are not allowed, the same community that professor Wes is being part of. When they are done with Wes, Caroline compels him to think that Elena and her are not vampires. Qetsiyah brings Stefan's memories back when he frees Elena from the trap. Meanwhile, Katherine starts suffering from the life as her hair starts becoming grey.

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"The Convention" AKA "The UFO Convention" 13th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA12 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins outside the UFO Center. There is a UFO convention going on. There is someone dressed in a green alien costume, handing out flyers to people. The alien stares across the street at Liz at the Crashdown) (A deputy is telling Sheriff Valenti about all the commotion the sighting has caused) Deputy: 14 calls this morning, Sheriff, all about the sighting last week. Sheriff: Dry lightning, deputy. Deputy: I keep telling them that, but they keep calling. Sheriff: I don't have time to talk to anybody about unfounded or unsubstantiated rumors, and it is your job to explain that to them. Deputy: Yes, sir. Sheriff: Thank you, deputy. (Valenti opens the door to his office to find a man sitting in his chair) Hubble: Been a while, junior. Sheriff: How'd you get past the front desk? Hubble: Better beef up security. Heard you had a boy. Bachelor myself, no kids for me. Sheriff: You're not welcome here, Hub. Hubble: Oh, junior, I expect more from you than dumb-ass small-town threats. Well, just wanted to stop by. Regards to your dad. From what I hear, you're starting to come around to his way of thinking. See ya, junior. Deputy: Who was that? Sheriff: That, deputy, was a bona fide alien hunter. (Opening credits) (There is a UFO convention at the UFO center. Michael is talking to an "alien expert", asking his opinion on aliens) Alien Expert: I've concluded, Mr. Guerin, that yes, these aliens do exist. Yes, they're among us today. And yes, they're brutal, dangerous killers and must be stopped at any cost. (Isabel walks by and pulls Michael away) Michael: Hey, I wasn't finished talking to him. Isabel: I want to get the hell out of here. This place is psychologically damaging. Michael: Hey, I've got no choice here. We've got cave paintings we don't understand. We've got Nasedo sending us messages. This place could hold the answers to everything. Isabel: Yeah, I'm sure it's a real mecca for factual information. Max (in disguise): Save me. Save me. I'm a human trapped in an alien body. Isabel: Excuse us. (Max takes off his mask) Max: Ugh. Isabel: You realize that we've just lost our last shred of dignity. (Liz is serving convention patrons at the Crashdown Cafe) Liz: Ok, I have one Green Eggs with Moon Rock Hash and one convention special. Can I get you guys anything else? Zinaplox: I am Zinaplox from the planet Zedagon. I come to destroy humanity and return to my home planet. Liz: Well, then it's really great that you're starting out with a nice hearty breakfast. (Liz looks up and sees Larry and Jen enter the Crashdown. She starts seeing flashbacks of the shooting incident that occurred last September) Liz: Hi, welcome to the Crashdown. Can I show you to a table? Larry: Table, yes...table would be lovely. Jen, table? Jen: Yeah, thanks. Larry: Great. Liz: Here you go. Ah, so, can I get you a beverage to start? Larry: Beverage would be lovely. Jen, beverage? Jen: I'll have a Coke. Larry: Yeah, you know what? I would love to try one of those, uh, delicious shakes that you guys have. Let's see, which one...oh, this one looks interesting. Alien Encounter? Liz: Yeah, ok, so we've got one Coke and one Alien Encounter. I'll just be right back. Larry: Thanks. Actually, you know what. There is just one more little thing. Why don't you tell me what really happened in September. (Max drags Michael into one of the rooms in the UFO Center) Max: Michael, I've got to talk to you about something...personal. Michael: Nothing's too personal. Max: How'd you do it with Maria? Michael: Too personal. Max: No, I mean...how did you stop? I can't stop thinking about Liz. Everytime I see her, she just starts going into slow motion. Michael: Maxwell, you've gotta be strong. You can't let yourself be led around by your...energy source. It wasn't easy for me, either, but you gotta throw yourself into something else...anything else. Something just to get your mind off her. Max: Throw myself into something. (Milton walks up to Max on the convention floor) Milton: Can you feel it, Evans? Max: What's that, Milton? Milton: The energy, the synergy...it's kismet. Max: Kismet? Milton: The sighting has attracted some of the leading experts in the field. This is shaping up to be one of the most important gatherings on the paranormal in history. We're not just a joke anymore, Evans. Max: That's great, Milton. Milton: The problem is I'm overwhelmed here. The press is buzzing around like flies. And the celebrities, they're making my life a living hell. Oh, well, it's no wonder my cyadic nerve is acting up. Max: Well, maybe I could take on more. Milton: More? Max: More work, more responsibilities. I've actually been looking for something to throw myself into. Milton: I'm not going to lie to you, Evans. I'm moved right now. I'm going to give you more work than you ever knew existed. (Michael is looking around at the various exhibits and finds something called the "Alien Takedown", which Maria is helping to set up) Michael: Alien Takedown? What's that, some kind of wrestling match? Maria: Yeah, the Alien Takedown. Do you have a problem with that? Michael: Yeah, you know what, I do. I'm here trying to figure out the meaning of my existence, and I'm tired of having to wade through the kooks like you and the freak shows like this in order to do it. Amy: Nothing personal, but this freak show keeps my kooky daughter and myself off the streets. Maria: Mom, Michael. Michael, mom. Amy: Nice to meet you. Maria: That was some guffaw. Michael: Guffaw? Maria: Yeah, my mother. Great first impression. Michael: Why would I want to make an impression? (Somewhere else in the convention, Jonathan Frakes walks up to Max) Frakes: Are you Max Evans? Max: Yeah. Oh, aren't you... Frakes: Yes, I am. Milton said that you were in charge of celebrity relations. Max: Well, yeah, I guess I am. Frakes: Then maybe you can explain to me why Shatner and Stewart got suites and I didn't. Max: Well, I think the Tumbleweed only has 2 suites. Frakes: And why wouldn't I get one of them? Max: I think they signed on first, so they got the suites. Frakes: Oh, that would explain it. Well, I'm going to need a suite, too. Max: I don't think there are any. Frakes: No, the right reply would be "I'll take care of it, Mr. Frakes." Max: Yeah, but I don't...I'll see what I can do? I'll move you to another motel. Frakes: Thanks, Max. (Frakes walks off) Milton: Evans. I want you to meet a legend. This is Everett Hubble. You are looking at one of the few men in the world rumored to have made direct contact. Max: Direct contact. Sounds exciting. Hubble: That's one way of looking at it. Max: So, what did this alien look like? Hubble: Looked like you, actually...or me. They're not little green men, you know. Milton: I'm trying to get Hub to participate in our final roundtable discussion on Sunday. Hubble: I'm just passing through. Nice little souvenir shop you got going here, Miltie. (Hubble walks off) Milton: Max, you want to do more? Get Hubble to do the roundtable. Disappeared almost 30 years ago, nobody's seen him since. The man's an enigma. (Valenti is at home with his dad's personal belongings in a box in front of him. He slowly opens the box and picks up a newspaper article dealing with his father being arrested for a Silo murder) (Max is running the info booth for the UFO Center) Boy: So, why'd they kill the aliens? Max: What aliens? Boy: From the '47 crash. Why'd they kill them? Max: Well, maybe you should visit our "Theories on '47" exhibit. Boy: But I thought this was the information booth. Max: Well, yeah, it is, but... (Max is distracted all of a sudden because Liz just entered the UFO Center and is walking straight towards him) Michael: Mud. Max: What? Michael: When you're with her, think about mud. It helped me. Max: Michael, I don't need some trick. I can handle this. Liz: Hi, um, I just wanted to talk to you about the luncheon that we're catering. Max: Oh, yeah, if it's work-related, sure. It's just...I'm kind of busy. Liz: Ok, um, I'll just...come over...it's just that, um...Larry and Jennifer are back. You know, the ones that were there the day that I got shot? And now, Jennifer won't leave. She just planted herself in the Crashdown. (Max's mind starts to wander and he sees Liz talking in slow motion) Liz: It's like, I don't know, she's been sitting there for hours. And it kind of feels like she's been watching me or something. So I came here to tell you that they're here, in case anything should happen...I want you... Max: Mud. Liz: What? Max: Pie. Mud pie. For the lunch the Crashdown is catering tomorrow. I was thinking about mud pie. Liz: Ok, um, I'll see if I can arrange it. Max: I gotta go. I'm really busy. Liz: Ok. (Sheriff Valenti is wandering around the UFO Center and spots Hubble. As he starts to walk towards him, he runs into Amy De Luca) Amy: Jim...Hi. Sheriff: Hey, Amy. Amy: I didn't think UFO conventions were your cup of tea. Sheriff: I'm just here to see a friend. Amy: Oh. Sheriff: I'll catch up with you later, Amy. (Elsewhere in the UFO Center, Alex meets up with Isabel) Alex: Isabel, wow, hey. So, you made it. Isabel: You've gotta stop following me, Alex. Alex: Following you? Are you kidding me? I just happened to be here. I mean, the whole town is here. Maria: Oh, good, you found Isabel. He was looking for you. (Outside the UFO Center, Hubble is leaned up against a car and sees Valenti walking towards him) Hubble: Looking for someone? Sheriff: What did you come back here for, Hubble? Hubble: Well, I've been tracking what's been going on around here for the last few months. The shooting in September at the Crashdown. What happened over there? Sheriff: You got to my father when he was at his weakest, and you pushed him over the edge. Because of you, I had to have him committed. Hubble: Well, now you're giving me more credit than I deserve. Sheriff: You get the hell out of here. Hubble: I thought we already talked about... Sheriff: I'm not talking to you as the Sheriff now. This is coming from me. From everything you've cost me. I don't ever want to have to see you again. Hubble: I understand you'd be upset, but remember this...all those years your father's been in that nuthouse, I've been living in my own hell. Now, from what I hear, your dad isn't all there these days. But I'll bet you still have a lot of questions...about your father, about that Silo murder and why he was arrested. I'm the only person in the world that has the answers to those questions. I was there. I saw it all. I'm your link, junior. So before you kick me out of town, you ought to think about that. I can help you. We can help each other. (It's Day 2 of the convention and Jonathan Frakes is preparing to have a mold of his handprint made for Milton's collection) Milton: This is truly an honor, Mr. Frakes. Our collection will be unparalleled. Frakes: Really. Who else have you got? Milton: Actually, you're our first. Our very own number one, if you know what I mean. But with Stewart and Shatner and Nimoy, there's no question it's going to be big. Really big. Frakes: Yeah. Milton: Here we go. Frakes: Here we go. Milton: Ahh. Milton: Oh, Evans! Evans! Oh, no problem. No problem. (At the Crashdown, Liz stops by Jen's table, asking if she would like another coffee refill) Liz: Another refill? Jen: Thanks. Liz: You know this is going to be your eighth cup. Do you want to switch to decaf? Jen: Why, do I look wired to you? Strung out? Liz: No, no, no, you don't...not at all. You know, it's just that your eyes are a little bit red. Jen: Great. Now he's going to know I've been crying. He hates it when I cry. Liz: Larry? Jen: I guess I'd better go. Liz: No, just wait. Here. Here. Put this on your eyes. He'll never know. (Inside the UFO Center, Michael is asking Max who the real experts are) Michael: Maxwell, you gotta show me the real guys. Max: The real guys? Michael: I'm sick and tired of talking to all these frauds. I mean, you're on the inside. Where are the real guys? Max: Michael, there are no real guys. It's a freak show. (Michael looks over and sees Hubble) Michael: Who's that? Max: Nobody. Michael: Come on, Max, don't toy with me. (Michael suddenly notices Larry) Michael: Oh...there's the geek from the Crashdown that day. Max: I know. He's been hanging around. I'm sure he's just here for the convention. Michael: I'm gonna go keep an eye on him, all right? Max: Excuse me, Mr. Hubble? About the...the final roundtable on Sunday...well, Milton just wanted you to know that any way that we might be able to accommodate you... Hubble: I'm a doer, not a talker, kid. Max: Right. So I...I'm just curious...I mean, you work here, you sorta get the bug. Did you see something? Hubble: Well, let's just say this...this place you're working at...this place...is a joke. If these people knew the truth, they wouldn't all be laughing so damn hard. Max: Is it true what Milton said? That you disappeared 30 years ago? Hubble: I didn't disappear. I'm standing right in front of you. Now I'm going to disappear. (Max looks for info on Everett Hubble in Milton's UFO search engine and sees something about the Silo murder) (Valenti is talking to his dad at the retirement center) Sheriff: Dad? Jim Sr: It's too cold in here. Like an icebox. Sheriff: Dad...try to focus. That night of the murder...at the silo...Hubble was there? Jim Sr: Hub. Sheriff: Yeah. Jim Sr: He couldn't let go of his wife. That was his problem all along. Sheriff: Dad... Jim Sr: His wife and his kid. Sheriff: He didn't have a wife and kid. Jim Sr: It's freezing in here. They're trying to kill me. Sheriff: There you go. (Jen and Liz are bonding at the Crashdown) Jen: I love Larry. That's the problem. He proposed a year ago. We bought a van to drive to California to get married. It was only supposed to be a 2 week trip. And then we stopped in here for breakfast that day. And we've been on the road ever since. Liz: No marriage license? Jen: You know how guys get hooked on things? So obsessed with something, they forget about you? Liz: Yeah. Jen: Larry's been chasing UFOs ever since that day. In the beginning I was kind of into it...but now I'm tired of adventure. I just want to settle down. I really want a normal guy. Liz: I can understand that. Jen: You got one, too, huh? A unique boyfriend? Liz: Unique? Yeah, that's a good word for Max. Jen: Max? (A panel discussion has been organized as part of the convention) Expert: The experience of Mr. Grabowski has been well documented. His encounter with the smooth-skinned ovoid E.B.E. contributes to a growing body of evidence as brave men like himself bring their stories to the public eye. Frakes: Well, there you have it. Thank you, Mr. Grabowski. Our next direct contact witness is a Lawrence Trilling. Larry: Right here! Frakes: Good afternoon, Lawrence. Do you mind if I call you Larry? Larry: No, that would be great. First of all, Mr. Frakes, I just gotta say that...you know how some people say that Clapton is god, you know? But I say you. You are god. I mean, I got...I got goose bumps. Frakes: Thank you very much. Larry: It's gotta be Frakes! Frakes: Ok, let's go to your encounter. Larry: Yeah, right. Ok. Um...it happened right here...right in Roswell, New Mexico. September 17th. I was in the Crashdown Cafe. Now, that's right across the street. So I'm sitting there. 2 guys come in. (Michael and Max exchange alarmed looks. Michael then makes his way towards Larry) Larry: Boom! They start having an argument. Boom! A gun is pulled. (Michael puts a hand on Larry's chest, and gives him a nasty itch) Michael: Sorry. Larry: Oh...no, that's ok. So these 2 guys, they start to...ahh...they start to struggle, ok? Boom! A girl is shot. Boom! A seemingly normal teenage boy...now this teenage boy, Mr. Frakes, is someone who looks just like you and me. Boom! He goes up to the girl and puts his hand over her, uh, wound, and then, boom! She...uh...she's miraculously healed. Frakes: Ooh! Well, all I can say is, boom! What do you think? Expert: I'm insulted by this ridiculous story. Larry: Yeah, well, he is here. He is right here! Ok? Pal? He's right here. Right now! He's in the very audience! Frakes: That's enough, monkey man! Larry: Listen, cool it, Frakes! Frakes: Security? Milton: You and me, Evans. Let's get him. Larry: Hey, this is the guy right here! This is the guy! He's the one! He's the guy! Frakes: Well, he may not be the best convention coordinator, but I would hardly call him an alien. Larry: You're just like the rest of them, Frakes! There was a bullet...ah...the bullet disappeared! So where's the bullet? Milton: All right, careful, Evans! Larry: The bullet disappeared! It was never found! Where's the bullet? Ahhh... (Outside the UFO Center, Hubble walks up to Larry and asks him about Max Evans) Hubble: I know how it feels not to be listened to. I believe you, kid. Tell me everything. Tell me about Max Evans. Tell me what you saw. (It's Day 3 of the convention, and Frakes is wondering when the other stars will arrive) Frakes: Hey, uh, Milton! Where's my replacements? Shatner? Stewart? Nimoy? Milton: Max, didn't you tell him? Max: I thought we weren't supposed to. Milton: At least your room has been upgraded to a suite. Max: Milton, about Hubble...what about this Silo murder in 1972? Milton: How do you know about that? Max: Well, I looked it up on your UFO search engine. Milton: Evans, you are beginning to remind me more and more of myself when I was your age. Max: You said he disappeared about 30 years ago. Was it because of the murder? Milton: Evans, when I say he doesn't talk, I mean he doesn't talk! Ever! The people I know in the community, people on the inside, believe he went after one. He found one and he's been tracking him ever since. He could be closer than any of us, Evans. [SCENE_BREAK] (Amy is on the phone with one of the wrestlers she hired for the Alien Takedown) Amy: You can't quit now. The Alien Takedown is in an hour! Ernie, you have nothing to be afraid of. Raging Ray is a...puppy dog. Look, he's not really gonna do anything really rough. I realize you suffered a broken rib last year...fine, 2, I...did you not receive my gift basket? Look, Ernie, if you don't do this, I'm broke. Ok? I'm out of business, ok? I...I have half my annual revenue tied up in this thing! Hello? Hello? Oh... (Inside Valenti's office, Hubble shows the Sheriff some of the alien murder pics he's taken) Hubble: Thanks for hearing me out, Jimmy. This guy's been leaving carnage all over the southwest for the past 40 years. No reason to believe he's about to stop. Handprints are the only trail he leaves. It only lasts for a day or so, and then it disappears, so I'm always around with a camera. Sheriff: Where'd you get these? Hubble: I know you've been investigating, but you're a weekend enthusiast. It's been full-time for me. One of them's my own work. The girl... Sheriff: Who is she? Hubble: It's not important. The others I procured. Like I said, I have connections. Sheriff: Who are they? Hubble: The victims? They're just people. People with bad luck. In the wrong place at the wrong time. Jimmy...your father may have made a mistake that night....pulled the trigger on the wrong man...but he wasn't crazy. You already know that, don't you? You knew that when I showed up here. It was in your eyes. All your father wanted to do was to help this world out. And they hung him on a cross for it. This isn't just some happy-go-lucky alien we're lookin' at. This is a killer, Jimmy. If you know something about it, it's our duty to team together now...do something. What about this kid? Max Evans. He have something to do with all this? Sheriff: Maybe. (Alex knocks on the door of the Evans home. Isabel has been waiting for him to make his move) Alex: Hello! Anybody home? Isabel: Come in. Alex: Hey, I was in the neighborhood. Isabel: Yeah, for the last 20 minutes. What's up? Alex: Um...I saw this at the convention, and I...I had to get it for you. It's a book on constellations. Isabel: Had to? Alex: I know that you're into the stars and everything and...well, I was thinking that maybe, um, sometime we could get together and, you know, try it out? Isabel: I thought we'd been through this. You know, no dates. Alex: No, no, no, no! Not a date. Just 2 friends out at the same place, enjoying the same thing at the same time. Isabel: I really like you, Alex. Alex: Well, thank you, Isabel. Isabel: But this has to stop. Alex: It does, yeah. What? What does? Isabel: This obsession. I...I mean I wanna be your friend, but every time I turn around you're there and...and it's suffocating me. So...I'm sorry. Alex: No no...I got you. No problem. Um...I wouldn't want to suffocate anybody. So I'll just, uh...I'll...I'll see you later. (At the Crashdown, Maria and her mom are depressed because Ernie couldn't make it to the Alien Takedown wrestling match) Liz: Here you go. Drown your sorrows. Amy: Oh, girls, girls, girls...if I'd known real life was gonna be this difficult I never would have signed up. Alex: You guys look as good as I feel. Liz: Root beer float? Alex: No, uh...orange soda on the rocks. Amy: Mmm, girl trouble. Alex: Oh, it's that obvious? Great. Great. Hey, listen...let me ask you guys a question. As women, do you find that all men are obsessive? Amy: Yes. Liz: Absolutely. Maria: No question. Amy: They find something... Maria: Usually something completely inane and useless. Liz: Oh, like football. Everyone: Or UFOs. Amy: Oh, and then they just don't let it go! Jen: Until it consumes every waking minute of their day! Sorry. Couldn't help but deeply relate. Liz: Yeah, but then they use it as an excuse. Amy: Oh, whenever it's convenient for them... Maria: To just completely ignore you. Amy: Yeah, and it's so clear why they're doing it. Liz: Oh, yeah. It's an avoidance thing. Jen: They hide behind their obsession! Amy: Because what they really are is afraid. Maria: Deathly afraid. Liz: Of commitment. Alex: Ok. I got it. Crystal clear. But...what if, uh, there's a guy whose obsession is a woman? Everyone: Oh! Amy: Oh, yeah, right. Liz: Dream on. Milton: Amy! Where are you? The match is almost over! Amy: What? Ernie showed up? Ray: Hey, yo. You better call an ambulance, huh? Bang! Ha ha ha ha! (Amy rushes to the area set aside for the "Alien Takedown" and finds a masked wrestler lying in the middle of the ring...he's not moving) Amy: Ernie! Oh, my God! Are you ok? (The masked wrestler slowly takes off his mask to reveal...Michael) Michael: I'm just resting. Amy: Oh, you dear, dear, boy! Oh! (Michael sits up and Maria sits down in front of him and smiles at him) Michael: It was easy money. (Maria smiles at Michael -- obviously grateful for his selfless act --, pulls his head towards hers, and softly kisses him) Michael: Mud. Maria: What? Michael: Mud. I'm thinking about mud. Maria: Why do I even try? (Sheriff Valenti is going through the pictures that Hubble gave him. He sees a license plate in one of the pictures and looks it up in his computer. The car was registered to Sheila Hubble) Sheriff: Well, now, how about that? (At the UFO Center, Hubble is looking for Max and finds him in one of the back rooms) Hubble: Evans! Milton said you wanted to talk to me about something. Max: Yeah, um, Shatner's a no-show. Hubble: Oh, sorry to hear that. Max: What do I have to do to convince you to...to do this panel? Hubble: Well, son, your tenacity has won me over. Max: Really? Hubble: I'm no Captain Kirk, but I'll give it my best shot. Max: Great! Thank you. Hubble: There's only one problem. My slides are back home. I'd go get 'em, but, uh...I busted a hose on my way up. My truck's down at the garage waiting for the part. Thing's so old that, uh, I think they had to order it from Singapore. Max: Then I'll drive you. Hubble: That's what I thought you'd say. We could talk on the way over...answer your questions. (Valenti goes back to his father, realizing that his father told the truth about Hubble having a wife and child) Sheriff: You were right. He had a wife. Hubble came to you, didn't he? He told you someone was trying to steal his car that night. And he found his wife dead. And she had a handprint on her. Just like the one that you'd seen on that corpse in 1959. And he saw a man run away from the scene. A drifter. And he thought the drifter was the murderer. Now 2 years after the murder, he came back, didn't he? And he found you. And he persuaded you...seduced you...and you helped him find that drifter. Isn't that right, dad? Jim Sr: The drifter? Sheriff: And when you found him, you killed him. You killed an innocent man because of Hubble. Jim Sr: No. Sheriff: Dad... Jim Sr: No! Sheriff: Dad, tell me what happened out there, please. (Max and Hubble leave the UFO center and go towards Max's jeep) Max: All right. I'm ready. Hubble: I'm ready, too. Max: So where are we going? Hubble: Not far. I'm just over in Bitter Lake. (Michael sees Max and Hubble leaving together and walks up to Larry and forcefully gets some answers from him) Michael: Hey, what the hell's going on? What's that guy doing with Max? Larry: I don't know. Michael: Tell me what he's doing with Max! Larry: All right. He came up to me after the panel discussion, all right? He asked me questions about Max. You know, what he did the day of the shooting. (Back at the retirement home, Valenti's dad is trying to explain what happened) Jim Sr: I did help Hubble. We tracked him. We were just going to get the truth. He told me he wouldn't hurt the man. Sheriff: Hubble shot him. Didn't he? He shot the drifter, not you. Jim Sr: Whatever you do, Jimmy...don't trust him. (Max and Hubble are in Max's jeep going down a road) Hubble: Beautiful countryside, don't you think? Especially at sunset. Max: Yeah, it's pretty cool. So, Mr. Hubble, you said you were going to answer my questions. Hubble: My wife Sheila and me liked to slip away sometimes...just take a drive. Nothing like flying down the highway with the woman you love by your side, now is there? Max: You're probably right. Hubble: 'Course it's gotta be the right one. You know how you know that? A kiss. That's how. Ever heard the expression, "I saw fireworks"? It was just like the 4th of July. That ever happen to you when you kissed a girl? Max: Maybe...once. Hubble: Well...it was our first anniversary. She told me she had a surprise for me. I had one for her. I took the last of my paycheck from the refinery, and I bought some fireworks from an old Indian over by the side of the road off the highway there. Just outside of town I remembered I forgot to bring matches. So I pulled in to Peppers Cafe. But you know that, don't you? Max: Sir? Hubble: Pull over to the side there. I want to show you something. You recognize it? Max: I don't know what you're talking about. I've never been here. Hubble: It was just gettin' dark. All I needed was a pack of matches and...there, there they were...right there on the counter, in a fishbowl. 10 cents a pack. Max: Mr. Hubble, if we're gonna make Bitter Lake and back in time for the panel... Hubble: And you know what? I...I didn't have it. Not...not even 10 cents. I thought about going back and...and getting some spare change where I kept it in the ashtray. But I said, "hey, bud...bud, don't make me embarrass myself in front of my lady. Uh, it's my anniversary." And he says, uh..."Have a good time...it's on the house." Max: I don't understand. Hubble: I didn't have a good time. Not that night. Not any night since. (Larry enters the Crashdown and looks around frantically for Jen) Larry: Hey! Jen, hi. Listen, I have had an epiphany. Jen: Really? I thought you said it was an allergy attack. Larry: Listen, Jen, last night I spent 2 hours with a guy who's spent his entire life hunting aliens. Now, that is not me, all right? I do not want to become that. Ok? I am not a hunter, Jen, you know...I am a gatherer. All right? A gatherer of...of...of information. A seeker of truth. You know? Ok? And I do not...I do not want to hunt anyone anymore. Wait, why are you wearing that? Jen: It's busy. Liz needed me to help out. Larry: Oh, my God, Jen, this is fate! Kismet! I mean, this is where we belong. Jen: Where? Larry: Here. In Roswell. I can...I can pursue my passion right here where it all started, yes. Listen, we can settle down...OK, we can get a little place, you know...we don't have to travel...I am ready. Jen, I am...I am ready...to marry you. Jen: Oh, my God...Larry...oh, my God... (Valenti is driving to Bitter Lake with a grim look on his face) (Scene switches back to Max and Hubble at the deserted Peppers Cafe) Hubble: She never did get my surprise. And I never did get hers. Not until I got a copy of the coroner's report. There it was in black ink. 3 months pregnant. A little girl, it said. She was carrying our child. Surprise. Max: I'm sorry. Hubble: And so am I. 4 innocent people lost their lives startin' that day. My wife, my baby...that drifter, and, uh...and me. Dead man walking. That's what I felt all those years. Only thing kept me alive was you. Max: Me? But...but I don't know you. (Hubble pulls out a gun and points it at Max) Hubble: I know you. Max: Whoa, mister, you are making a big mistake. Hubble: I know how you can change your face, your body...you're a shape-shifter because you're always running. You changed yourself into that drifter when you killed my Sheila trying to get our car. What were you running from then? Somebody else find out your little secret? Max: Sir, I know you're upset...but I did not kill your wife. I wouldn't kill anybody. Hubble: Valenti told me about the healing, about the handprint...just like on Sheila. Max: I am not him. Whoever you think I am, I swear I am not him. Hubble: I know who you really are, what you're capable of, and I won't let you kill again. Michael: Hey! (Michael's sudden appearance startles Hubble long enough for Max to knock the gun away from him. Max and Hubble struggle in the dirt. Hubble is trying to reach his gun and Max is trying to prevent him. Max uses his power to push the gun away just as headlights appear from Valenti's car) Hubble: I knew it was you, you b*st*rd! Sheriff: Drop the gun! Drop it! Hubble: It's him! Sheriff: Drop it! Hubble: I just saw it! I was right! Sheriff: You saw what? Hubble: His powers! Don't you see who he is? We have to stop him. Max: I don't know what he's talking about. Hubble: Liar! Sheriff: Drop it, Hub. Hubble: This son of a bitch is gonna die today, and nothing's gonna stop me, so go ahead! Unload every bullet in your chamber. Sheriff: It only takes one. Hubble: Your father couldn't do it...and neither can you. (Hubble gets ready to shoot Max and Valenti shoots one round into Hubble, which causes him to slump to the ground) Sheriff: I didn't know this was gonna happen. I didn't know he was as dangerous as he was. Max: What did you tell him? Why did he come after me? You're the Sheriff. You're supposed to protect me. But all you've done is go after me! You believe all these crazy things. You're just like Hubble. You want me? Well, here I am! Take me. Michael: Max, come on, just relax. Max: No, no! Sheriff: Son... Max: Would you treat your son this way? Sheriff: Get outta here. The both of you. You were never here. Go on! Michael: Come on, let's go. The guy was crazy, Max, all right? He didn't know what he was talking about. Max: I don't think he was crazy, Michael. I think the one we've been looking for has killed people...a lot of people. Valenti: This is Sheriff Valenti. I've been involved in a code 4. I got one man down. My 10-20 is the abandoned Peppers Cafe at Bitter Lake. (Scene fades out with Valenti calling for backup as he stands over the crumpled body of Everett Hubble)

A new UFO sighting sends suspicion and fear through the town and leads Max and Isabel to investigate the incident during a school camping trip.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x09

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x09_0

Scene: The apartment. Raj: You know who's got to be the bravest person in the Marvel Universe? Whoever has to give She-Hulk a bikini wax. Howard: You want to talk brave, how about Captain America's undocumented Mexican gardener? Leonard: He's not braver than whoever uses the bathroom after The Thing? Sheldon: As usual, you're all wrong. The bravest person in the Marvel Universe is the doctor who gives Wolverine his prostate exam. Howard: How about the guy who gets a prostate exam from Wolverine? Sheldon: Now you just being silly. Wolverine's never displayed the slightest interest in helping others prevent prostate cancer. (Answering phone) Hello. Yes, the elevator's out of order you'll have to use the stairs. Of course you can. Pizza dates back to the 16th century, while the first elevator was not installed until 1852. That means that for over 300 years, people carried pizzas up stairs. Be part of that proud tradition. Leonard: I'll go get Penny while that guy spits on our food. Raj: Do you think they gave Wolverine an Adamantium prostate? Howard: That's a stupid question. Raj: We're having a conversation about probing the heinies of superheroes. There are no stupid questions. Scene: Penny's door. Man: Yes? Leonard: Oh, um, is Penny here? Man: You're Leonard, right? Leonard: Yeah. Man: Damn, it's good to finally meet you, son. Leonard: Okay, I think a bit of context here might help. Penny: Oh, hey, Leonard. I see you met my dad. Leonard: Oh, good. Context. Penny's Dad: Come on in, buddy. Take a load off. Penny: Oh, gee, dad, Leonard can't stay. He just dropped by to say hello. Thanks for stopping by, sweetie. I'll see you later. (Kisses him passionately) Bye. Leonard: That was odd. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Are you sure you have enough comics? You're going to be monitoring the telescope for 12 hours, and by my estimate, you've only selected seven hours of reading material. That's even factoring in your difficulty in parsing American comic book idioms like Bamf and Snikt. Raj: Is that racist? It feels racist. Howard: Don't be oversensitive. He's calling you illiterate, not your race. Raj: Oh, okay. Good. I don't need more comics. Howard's gonna stop by, we're gonna play intergalactic battleship and Indian Monopoly. Sheldon: I don't care for novelty editions of Monopoly. I prefer the classics, regular and Klingon. Howard: Actually, Indian Monopoly's just like regular, except the money's in Rupees, instead of hotels you build call centers, and when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist. Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened. Sheldon: You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an interdimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010 where we are transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Aw. Leonard: Penny kissed me. Sheldon: Well, who would ever guess that? Raj: What... what kind of a kiss? Leonard: A big kiss. On the mouth. Howard: Is it possible that she was going for your cheek and you moved and she accidentally got lip? That happens with me and my mom all the time. Leonard: She introduced me to her father, kissed me and then shut the door in my face. Howard:Maybe she was trying to send you a message. Leonard: You think? Howard: Yeah. This man is not my father. I'm being held hostage. So I'm going to do something insane in the hopes that you'll call 911. Leonard: Penny kissing me is not insane. She used to kiss me all the time. Sheldon: Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By that standard, Penny is cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Leonard: I'm just saying, it felt like it may have meant something. Howard: Ah, this takes me back. Leonard obsessing about Penny. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love your new stuff, but once in a while it's nice to hear the hits. Raj: Ooh, ooh! Do our babies will be smart and beautiful. That one always makes me laugh. Leonard: Why do I bother talking to you people? Sheldon: If it'll make you feel better, we rarely listen. Penny (at door): Hey, can I talk to you out here for a sec? Leonard: Yeah, sure. Sheldon: I'm starting to think we're never going to see that pizza. Penny: So you're probably wondering what that was all about. Leonard: What, uh, the kissing and everything? Nah, women do that to me all the time. Penny: Yeah, okay. The thing is, I kind of told my father we got back together again. Leonard: What? Why? Penny: Well, you're the first guy he's ever really approved of, you know? You're a scientist who went to college and you don't have a neck tattoo or outstanding warrants or, or a baby. Leonard: What kind of guys did you used to go out with? Penny: Just guys. Anyway, when I told him we split up, he was heartbroken, and he kept bugging me, how's Leonard? why can't you get back together with Leonard? I bet Leonard never tipped a cow over on himself. So to get him off my back, I told him we worked things out. Leonard: Really? How, how'd we manage that? Penny: What? Leonard: Well, did you apologize? Did you have to woo me? Penny: Get over yourself. I whistled, you came running. Leonard: Yeah, no, I don't think so. Penny: Okay, why are you arguing about this? Leonard: I'm just saying, if we fake got back together, that's totally not how it fake happened. Penny: Oh, okay, whatever. Will you please just play along until my dad leaves? Leonard: Hold on, you actually want me to deceive your father with some sort of sham play acting and kissing? Cause I'm good with that. Penny's Dad: Penny, you out here? Penny: Come on, honey, not in front of my dad. Penny's Dad: Relax, I've seen you do a lot worse with a lot stupider. Leonard: See? He doesn't mind. Penny's Dad: So, Leonard, I'm taking your gal out for a steak dinner, you want to join us? Penny: Oh, dad, that's nice, but Leonard has to work. Right, Leonard? Leonard: Uh, I do, I have to work. But I'm gonna blow that off to spend the evening with my sweetie and her father, 'cause, you know, just the kind of boyfriend I am. Penny: Oh. Leonard: Come here, you. Scene: Raj's Lab. Howard: C-7. Raj: Miss. Howard: How could that be a miss? C-6 was a hit, C-8 was a hit. Part of your starship has to be on C-7. Raj: Not if it has a hole in the middle. Howard: What kind of spaceship has a hole in the middle? Raj: A Romulan battle bagel? Bernadette: Knock-knock. Howard: Oh, great, you made it. Come on in. I invited her. Bernadette: So where's the telescope? Howard: It's in Hawaii, but Raj controls it from here. He's hoping to see Epsilon Eridani dim, which would be evidence of a planet orbiting it. Bernadette: So we just sit and stare at the screen, waiting for something to happen? Howard: I did it with you when we rented The Notebook. (Raj whispers) Yes, Gena Rowlands is a treasure. You'd better open up that bottle of wine or I'm gonna end up with swimmer's ear. Raj: Excuse me. I can't be drinking, I'm about to make an important scientific discovery here. Howard: What? Galileo did his best work while drinking wine. Raj: How do you know that? Howard: Well, he was Italian. It's a reasonable assumption. Raj: Dude, can you even open your mouth without spewing a cultural stereotype? Howard: Oh, I, I'm sorry, Galileo drank diet sprite. Look, you're my best friend, she's my girlfriend, you should bond. You know, like you and my mom did. Raj: Your mom creeps the hell out of me. Howard: Yes, but she's stopped calling you slumdog millionaire. Raj: I do appreciate that. Bernadette: Here we go. Howard: Well I'd like to propose a toast. To science and friendship. Bernadette: Hold on. Wait. No, it's okay, go ahead. Howard: What? Bernadette: Oh, I was working with Penicillin-resistant gonorrhoea in the lab today and I was just trying to remember if I washed my hands. Scene: Penny's dad's car. Leonard: Thanks for the steak, Wyatt. Penny's dad (Wyatt): My pleasure. It's nice to have dinner with a boyfriend of Penny's that knows how to use a napkin. Penny: So not funny, dad. Wyatt: Let me tell you about this one genius she was going out with, this, this fella Donnie. Penny: Oh, will you please let it go? Wyatt: Donnie was gonna make millions turning farm waste into biofuel and selling it to the government. Leonard: A lot of people are doing that. Penny: Oh, see? Wyatt: Yeah, but all Donnie did was mix pig poop with a little water and pump it into his mom's Camry. Penny: Yeah, that's great. It's a funny story. Moving on. Wyatt: And Donnie was a rocket scientist compared to that boy who wanted to get beer pong into the Olympics. What was his name, sweetheart? Penny: Curtis, and I'm pretty sure he was joking. Wyatt: I don't know. That petition looked real to me. Penny: Yeah, okay, I think this ends the ex-boyfriend portion of our evening. Wyatt: Well, I'm just glad you finally found yourself a keeper. Leonard: Thanks, Wyatt. I'm a keeper. Scene: Outside Penny's door. Wyatt: Leonard, you want to come in for a nightcap? Penny: Oh, gee, dad, he'd love to, but Leonard has to work in the morning. Leonard: Maybe I could go in a little late. Penny: No, no, no, you can't. Your career is far too important. Wyatt: Behind every great man is a nagging woman who won't let him have any fun, am I right, Leonard? Leonard: Don't I know it. Wyatt: Well, good night, son. Leonard: Good night, Wyatt. Oh, good night, honey. Penny: Good night. Leonard: I love you. Penny: Love you, too. Sheldon: Oh, friggety-frak. Not this again. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The lab. Howard: Three, four, five, pass go, get 2,000 Rupees, Six, seven, whoops. Can't go any further. There's a sacred cow in my way. Raj: Bernadette, please tell your boyfriend to cool it with the cow jokes. Bernadette: It won't help. Once he finds a joke he likes, he sticks with it. Raj: Yeah. Like his haircut material. Bernadette: Oh, right. Did you get your hair cut? Raj: No. I got them all cut. Bernadette: Which is still so funny. Raj: And when you go to a Chinese restaurant, he always gets the same fortune in his fortune cookie. Bernadette: Right. Help, I'm a prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory. Howard: Okay, I think that's enough about me. Raj: He's right. Let's make fun of his mother. Howard, come rub my feet! My corns are killing me! Bernadette: Howard, help me out of the tub! I'm stuck again! Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Coming. Hey, lovebug. Penny: Shut up. You know what I've been doing for the last hour? Leonard: Mm, dreamily doodling Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter in a notebook? Penny: Listening to my father go on and on about what a great guy you are. Leonard: You got to admit, I am, I'm delightful. Penny: Why are you making this so difficult? Leonard: It's not difficult for me. I'm having fun. Penny: Leonard. Leonard: What do you want me to do? You started this. Do you want to go over and tell him we're broken up? Penny: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Leonard: Well, then, what do you want? Penny: I don't know. Leonard: Don't you think that's something you should have figured out before you stomped over here? Penny: Maybe. Sheldon: Leonard, Penny, excellent. I'd like to say I'm very happy that you're back together, and if I can figure out a way to do so and sound sincere, I will. In the meantime, I'd like to go over some proposed changes to the roommate agreement specifically to address Penny's annoying personal habits. Penny: Oh, my God. What personal habits? Leonard: I have a list. FYI, overuse of the phrase, oh, my god, is number 12. Penny: Okay, Sheldon, you don't have to do this because Leonard and I are not... Leonard: Ba-ba-ba-ba. Are you sure you want to include him in this? Sheldon: Include me in what? Is there a plot afoot? I'll have no truck with plots. Penny: No, you're right. No, there's, there's no plots, no trucks, no feet. So what other annoying habits shall we discuss? Sheldon: Uh, we don't discuss anything. Leonard is the signatory to the Roommate Agreement. As such, he bears responsibility for all your infractions and must pay all fines. Leonard: Fines? Sheldon: Yes. If Penny's going to be spending nights here again, you'll need to set up an escrow account. Sign here. Scene: The lab. Raj: Hello, Hawaii. This is Dr. Koothrappali in Pasadena. I'd like you to reposition the telescope, please. Scarlett Johansson's house! I'm kidding, Hawaii. Mahalo. Whoo! Howard: It might have been a mistake to open that second bottle of wine. Bernadette: Well, live and learn. So, Raj, do you think this planet you're looking for could have an atmosphere that supports life? Raj: Maybe. If it did, I'd be famous. I'd be on the cover of magazines. And then, instead of living alone in my tiny apartment, I'd have a big mansion. Bernadette: That sounds great. Raj: It is. If you like wandering around a big, empty house with no one to love you. Howard: We'd come visit you. Raj: No, you wouldn't. You'd be intimidated by my wealth and fame. My only friends would be my genetically engineered monkey butler, and the little people I hired to be my living chess set. Bernadette: He's taking a turn to the dark side, isn't he? Howard: Hold on. He could come back. Raj: Oh, what's the point of everything? Howard: Nope. He's gone. Raj: You know it's been more than a year since I've even kissed a girl? Howard: What about that hook-up at Comic-Con you told me about? Raj: Oh, grow up. I was lying. I lie all the time. Nobody wants to kiss me. Bernadette: Oh, you poor, poor thing. Raj, you have to know you're a wonderful man. There are a lot of girls out there who'll want to kiss you. Raj: Where? Bernadette: You just have to look. Howard: No! Bernadette: Well, this was fun. Scene: The apartment. Wyatt and Leonard are playing Wii fishing. Wyatt: Oh! I think I got a nibble. Leonard: Oh, b-be careful. Give him some line. Okay, now reel him in. Wyatt: Oh, look at that baby. They're really biting, huh? Leonard: Yeah. They do that when you set it on easy. Wyatt (phone rings): Oh, that's me. Hello. Oh, hi, sweetie. Yeah, I got up early and didn't want to wake you, so I went out for coffee and ran into Leonard on the way back. Guess what, we're fishing. Yeah. Right here on his couch. Leonard: Hey, baby. I love you! Mwuh, mwuh, mwuh, mwuh, mwuh. Wyatt: That's Leonard says he loves you. What? I see. The whole thing's bull squirt, huh? Well, that's very disappointing. Bye. Leonard: Oh, hey. There's been something I've been meaning to tell you. Scene: Penny's apartment. Wyatt: I can't believe you would lie to me like that. Leonard: Just for the record, I did not want to be a part of this. Wyatt: I'll get to you in a minute. Leonard: No hurry. Wyatt: That my own daughter thinks I don't love her enough to support her no matter what choices she makes, well, that hurts me deeply. Penny: I'm sorry, daddy... Wyatt: Let me finish. Penny: Oh. Wyatt: I thought we were past the days when you would try to pull the wool over my eyes. Telling me the baggie in your underwear drawer is potpourri? And the pee stick in your bathroom is to check for diabetes? Penny: You know, I'm sorry. Wyatt: You're a grown woman, and I respect your right to make your own decisions, but all I ask is you respect me enough to be honest about them. Penny: You're right. Look, from now on, I will tell you the truth. Wyatt: Thank you. Now, why don't you go and put some clothes on and we'll grab a bite to eat before I head for the airport. Now you. Penny: Daddy, he had nothing to do... Wyatt: Keep walking. Penny: Okay. Wyatt: Please, please, please don't give up on her. Leonard: What? Wyatt: I can't go back to the skateboard idiots, the white rappers and all those sweaty dumb-asses with their backwards hats. Leonard: Gee, I don't know if it's in the cards, sir. Wyatt: Then, stack the deck. Cheat. Lie. I don't care. I want grandkids before I die, and I want them to grow up in a house without wheels. Leonard: I'll give it a shot. Wyatt: Thank you. Now I'm going to do something here to help you along. Leonard: Excuse me? Wyatt: Just don't panic. Now, get your sorry, lying ass out of my face and make sure I never see it again! Leonard: Oh, the reverse psychology thing. I see. That's very clever. Wyatt: Don't yap. Just get out. Leonard: I'll friend you on Facebook. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Oh, there you are. Just so you know, I was up all night, but I have finally completed the Penny-specific section of the new roommate agreement. Leonard: Yeah, well, not necessary. We broke up again. Sheldon: Do you even think about other people, Leonard? Do you? Scene: The cafeteria. Raj: Hey. Leonard: Oh, how'd it go last night? Raj: Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Looked through a telescope, saw some stars. Big whoop. Leonard: Really? You waited months for time with that telescope. What happened? Raj: Why? You writing a book? Sheldon: I'm going to propose a hypothesis. Last night, Raj accidentally made contact with an alien civilization and has been ordered by the United States government to keep it a secret. Raj: Nothing happened. Can we please just change the subject? Sheldon: That sounds rehearsed. We are not alone. Howard: Hey. Leonard: Hey. Sheldon: Hello. Howard: Hey. Raj: Hey. Leonard: You get to play with Raj's big telescope last night? Howard: Whoa. Where did that come from? Raj: He never touched my telescope. Howard: Way to go shutting up. Raj: I did shut up. Now you shut up. Howard: Fine. Raj: Thank you. How come you didn't call me this morning?

Penny's father, Wyatt, has come to visit. Since he feels that Leonard is the best man that Penny ever dated, she asks Leonard to pretend that they are still together. Leonard happily plays along until Penny confesses to Wyatt. Wyatt is angry that Penny does not trust him, and pleads with Leonard not to give up on her. Sheldon stays up all night amending the roommate agreement to address her personal habits, and becomes angry to learn that he needn't have bothered. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette stay with Raj in his telescope control room. He becomes drunk and complains that he will never kiss a woman. When Bernadette expresses sympathy, he leans in to kiss her, but ends up kissing Howard.

fd_The_O.C._04x10

fd_The_O.C._04x10_0

At Ryan's workplace Taylor: It is.It's too much. Ryan: No,no,no,no.Not... What is it? Taylor: New bookstore opened. It looks like a good bookstore. Ryan: All right,well,look,I should get back to work. Taylor: Oh,yeah,okay. Ryan: But thank you.This was really great. Taylor: Good,I'm glad you liked it.Bye. I'll call you later. Ryan: Ok. At the bookstore Taylor: a season for peaches - henri-micheal de momourant. Oh,no.No,this cannot be happening. Excuse me,uh... what is this book? Man: A Season For Peaches. It's the bestseller from France.English translation came in today. Taylor: Okay,what's it about? Man: Kind of like,Bridges of Madison County meets The Notebook meets ...p0rn. Taylor: Oh,my God.Plot,please. Man: Uh,this Frenchman seduces this young American girl and then they get married. I can't remember where. Taylor: His family's chapel in Burgundy. Man: Oh,so you read it. Taylor: No. I lived it. I'm Peaches. Generic At Cohen's Ryan: Here you go. Seth: Oh,trusty neck pillow. What did Ryan do to you? Ryan: So you're really going to Seattle? Seth: You don't want to marry a girl,you've got to ask her father's permission,Ryan. It's the polite thing to do. Ryan: Yeah,except you don't want to get married,which you could still tell her,you know. Seth: Not a chance. Ryan: So you guys are really gonna walk down the aisle because neither of you is willing to back down. Seth: This is where Dr.Roberts comes in. He rejects me,this whole game of chicken ends and I don't have to be the bad guy. Ryan: But are you positive that he's gonna say "no"? I mean,I thought you guys bonded before he left. Seth: There was some golf watching. There may have even been some sandwich eating. But deep down inside,he still sees me as the skinny 16-year-old boy trying to seduce his daughter. I just need to remind him of that. Ryan: Brilliant plan.Good luck getting rejected. Seth: Fortunately,it's something I excel at. Taylor. Taylor: Ryan,can I talk to you for just a second? Ryan: Yeah,sure. Is anything wrong? Taylor: Oh,no. Well,nothing big. A teensy little thing. So Michiko Kakatani called it "a sexual epic," which I think is a real stretch. It's already been banned in Texas,so we don't have to worry about people there reading it. I debated even telling you about this,but you know my policy- full disclosure. At Cohen's - Poolhouse Taylor: So,how are you? Okay? Ryan: Your ex-husband wrote this about you. Taylor: A novel,not a memoir. It's a big difference.Ask James Frey. It's just that things between us have been so good lately, and I wouldn't want one silly,erotic novel to change all that. So I'm gonna ask you a favor. Please don't read it. Ryan: Look,I've never read a romance novel before. Taylor: Shocker. Ryan: And I'm not gonna start now. Taylor: Thank you. I'm gonna put this away now and we will never have to talk about it again. Ryan: Until the movie comes out. Taylor: Yeah,right. Like they could make a movie about that. Maybe on DVD at the adult video store. At New Match Office Julie: What are the numbers on this guy? Spencer: Uh,six feet,190. 18% body fat. Julie: Nope.No good. You know Mrs.Jacobson,she likes her boys straight out of Muscle Beach. Okay,these two should do. Tell her she can have either at $2,500,gratuity not included. And here comes Kirsten.Go on,get out of here right now,thank you. Hi,Kiki. Kirsten: Hello,Spencer. How's your dad? Spencer: Good. Still in Dubai buying a fleet of limos or... maybe they were camels,can't remember. See ya. Kirsten: What's he doing here? Julie: Oh,he was just helping me move some furniture. Kirsten: Everything looks the same. Julie: Yeah,it looked terrible,so I had him move it back. Kirsten: Would you like me to help you return those calls? Julie: I got it. Ooh,better get this. Work,work,work. Oh,and thanks for the coffee. At Roberts' Taylor: Hello ! Summer: Hey. What do you think of updos? Taylor: Are you reading Modern Bride? Summer: As we speak,Seth is on his way to Seattle to ask my dad if he can marry me. Taylor: So,here comes the bride,I guess. Summer,do you realize what you're doing? You're about to enter into a doomed marriage. Summer: I don't know,Seth seems really committed. Look,I think I might marry him someday,so maybe there's no point in waiting. Taylor: So,living with me and the story of my divorce has taught you nothing. Summer: No offense,Taylor,but you married some French dude you knew for,like,nine seconds. This is a little different. Taylor: Okay,I see I need to get more into your wheel house if I'm gonna drive this home. What about Holly? Summer: From high school? Taylor: Yes,she got married last summer.Why don't you call her? She could give you a preview of life as a wife. Summer: Fine.Can we drop it? Taylor: Fine. Summer: A Season For Peaches. You know,I'm reading this.This is dirty. Taylor: Excuse me,the girl just has a healthy s*x drive. Summer: Yeah,for a hooker. Taylor: Would you just give me that? Thank you. She's just young and confused,okay?! At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Can I get you anything else? Homme: No,I'm good. Ryan: It's not a library,you know. Sandy: Hey,Ryan. How are you today? Let's see what am I going to have. Ryan: Two shrimp tacos,Luis. Luis: Hola,Se~or Cohen. Sandy: Luis,how are you today? I tell you,ever since you started working here,it's revolutionized my lunch hour. Kirsten's reading that. Let me tell you,there is one part... Ryan: Page 47. Man,was that hot. Sandy: And in public. I thought Peaches was going to get arrested. Ryan: It's Taylor. Sandy: Who's Taylor? Ryan: Her,the book,Peaches. Man: You know her? Sandy: No,what are you talking about? It's about a girl from California who... Ryan: Yeah. Sandy: So,uh... have you read it? Ryan: No,and I'm not about to start.Can I get you anything else? Sandy: No.No,I'm good. Maybe a glass of water. Ryan: Great. Harbour Kaitlin: I just don't see how they fit in the voting boxes. Will: Come on,these women sacrificed their life so you can vote. Kaitlin: Maybe they should've sacrificed some cheeseburgers. I'm kidding. Just ask me some questions. Will: What happened in 1848? Kaitlin: The first women's rights convention. Will: And... Kaitlin: Elizabeth Cady Stanton read the Declaration of Sentiments, which proclaimed that men and women were created equal. Will: All right,that's good. That was awesome. Kaitlin: I'm gonna rock that test That's thanks to you for helping me study. Will: All right,I'll see you in class. Kaitlin: Wait. What are you doing tomorrow night? Will: You asking me out? Kaitlin: Are you saying yes? Will: You go first. Kaitlin: Okay. You're cordially invited to hang out at my house. With me. Will: Well,I accept your invitation. Eric: Nice book,professor. Brad: Yeah,professor. Will: Real funny,guys. See you later. Brad: Man,that guy is like the professor of dorkonomics. Eric: He should teach Dorkology 101. He's not even a dork. Brad: He doesn't surf and he doesn't play water polo. Eric: Yeah,ergo,dorko. Brad: Do you like him? Kaitlin: You shut up before I vomit on you. Eric: What's wrong with this chick's hair? Brad: Gruesome. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Holly: Oh,my God,look how ripped my arms are. Summer: I'm so sorry I missed your wedding. Holly: Whatev-skis. You dropped off the radar when you started dating Seth. Summer: Yeah. You know,Holly,when you were engaged,were you totally sure that you wanted to get married? Holly: Oh,my God,totally,bitch. You are going to love being a wife. You work out in the morning,meet the girls for lunch,and then we shop all day. Summer: So there's,like,a whole crew of you guys? Holly: We call ourselves the Newpsie-weds. Can you even handle how cute that is? Well,you'd better,because you're meeting us all at lunch tomorrow. Summer: Yeah. You know,it'd be nice to have a bunch of friends again. Holly: Oh,my God,look what I just did. So cute,I want to barf. "Hi,Mom." Summer: No. Holly: "Hi,Mom." Summer: No. At the bookstore Ryan: Bad idea. Man: The reading's over,but if you want your book signed,the author's still here. Ryan: I'm sorry,what? Homme: You may have to wait in line. Henri-Michel: Ah,that won't be necessary. Now... who shall I make it out to?A girlfriend,perhaps? What is her name? Ryan: Taylor. Poolhouse Taylor: Ryan,you in there? You know,I called you at work last night and,um,then at home,but I guess you must have been really tired. Oh,no... Ryan: Hey. Taylor: Did you read it? Ryan: Yeah. Taylor: All of it? Ryan: Uh-huh. Taylor: Oh,God. But I thought you said you... Ryan: Met your ex-husband last night. He was at the bookstore doing a reading. Taylor: Wait.You met Henri-Michel?How did you know it was him? Ryan: Dirty hair,scarf smells like brie. Taylor: That's Henri-Michel. I just can't believe this.I mean,did you read every page,even... Ryan: Page 47,yeah. Taylor: Okay,Ryan,even if I was that limber,you know I would never do that in the Chunnel. Ryan: I get that it's not true,and,uh, you know,I'm sorry that I read it after I promised I wouldn't,but seeing the guy in the flesh... Taylor: Okay,but where does this leave us because you can't even really look me in the eyes,so that's not a great sign. Ryan: I don't know,I... I got to shower and get to work. Seattle Seth: So you're liking it up here? Neil: Seriously? Seth: Seriously. Neil: I love it. It's good to see you,Seth. Seth: Good,'cause what I wanted to talk to you about is actually kind of a big deal. Neil: I thought we're going to play golf. Seth: Um,I'm actually up here for something else. Neil: Okay,step into my office.What's on your mind? Seth: Oh,you know,just thinking about marrying your daughter. Neil: You want to marry Summer? Seth: Marry,tie the knot,get hitched; whatever the kids are calling it these days. Neil: Why on Earth would you want to do such a thing? Seth: Well,the median age of married couples is getting increasingly higher, so Summer and I have decided to buck the trend. When the world zigs,we're gonna zag. Neil: That's your reason? Seth: I said the zig,then the zag,so... Yeah,pretty much. Neil: Well,let's back up. Do you love my daughter? Seth: Well,she's cool,right? And,uh,she's pretty easy on the eyes. Neil: She's pregnant,isn't she? Seth: No. Uh,we thought for a second,but thank God,we dodged that bullet,so no. Neil: Yes. I'll be right there. I've got to go. There's a man who's been impaled by what appears to be a unicorn, Seth: Unicorns... Neil: but our conversation's going to continue. We'll talk about this on my rounds tomorrow. Seth: So does this mean I have your blessing? They do exist. Motel Taylor: Henri? Henri-Michel: Too late,it's gone. Taylor: Henri,it's me. Henri-Michel: Peaches,you have come. I see I'm in the doghouse. Taylor: Henri,these places come with bathtubs. Henri-Michel: Bathing is for the bourgeois. Now,tell me,Peaches,how have I offended you? Taylor: It wasn't enough that you had to write a book about me,you had to come to my hometown,too? Henri-Michel: You think I want to be here? This constant sunshine is so banal. Look at them down there,so clean,so passionless. No,I am only here to promote my book. Taylor: Good,because if you think for one second that this little trip of yours is going to send me scurrying back to France... Henri-Michel: Maisnon.No,no. As they say in your country,"That ship has sailed. I see,though,that I'm still have the power to disturb you,yes? Taylor: What?No,no,stop that! I just came here to tell you something. I'm with someone now. Henri-Michel: Ah,oui,I met him last night. He seemed to roll with it as you say. Taylor: Yeah,well,he didn't. And if I lose him 'cause of your stupid book... Henri-Michel: Oh,Peaches. Peaches,I cannot stand to see you sad. What if he really got to know me,hmm? He would see that I am not nearly as threatening as the fireball of passion he knows from the page, and that I have no intention of stealing back my Peaches, though they are looking ripe today. Taylor: Hey,up here! So,okay,what are you saying there? You're saying that,what,the three of us should go on a date? Henri-Michel: Precisement. Peaches,I know I wronged you by writing this book. Let me repay this debt by mending the rift with you and your corn-fed farm boy,hmm? Now don't move. The light. At New Match Office Julie: I apologize about the last guy,Mrs.Jacobson. This one will have his back waxed,I promise. Two cases of toner will be fine.Thanks. Copy machine's acting up again. Kirsten: It was working five minutes ago. Julie: That's what's so frustrating. Kirsten: Julie,we need to talk. Ever since Bullet's New Year's Eve party when all of our clients wound up with those young guys... Julie: How funny was that? Kirsten: you've been acting jumpy. Julie: Overworked? 'Cause that's all it is. I really love my job. Kirsten: I know you do. Julie: Which is why I don't want to see you jeopardize it. I need to get that. New Match,Julie Cooper speaking. Hi.Yes. Yes,of course. Okay,uh-huh.I'll see you.Bye. That was my lunch date. I'm sorry.We'll have to talk later. I'll see you,okay? Kirsten: Okay. Yatch Club Summer: Ready,Pancakes? Holly: Summer,you came! Summer: Hi. I hope I'm wearing the right clothes. Holly: You're not. You are way too cute. Hold on right here and I'll introduce you to the girls. Hos,this is Summer Roberts. She just got engaged. Summer: Nice to meet you,too. Holly: Summer,this is Bryn and this is Liza. Oh,you're just in time for a toast. To the newest Newpsie-wed,Summer Roberts. Summer: Oh,thanks. Bottoms up. At Ryan's workplace Man: Hey,listen to this part. I hoisted her onto the stack of hay and manfully... Ryan: Listen,buddy,there's a lot of... Taylor: Come on,Taylor,you can do this. He likes you,you like him,he doesn't think you're a big fat divorcee whore. Hi. Ryan: Hi. Taylor: I was just trying to decide between a burrito or a taco. Taco,burrito,big decision. Ryan: So you weren't trying to psych yourself up to come talk to me? Taylor: No,of course not.Yeah,kind of. Ryan: Taylor,look,it's,it's fine.I'll get over it. Taylor: Really? Ryan: Yeah,just give me some time. Taylor: Okay,well,there's something that might help speed the healing process. Yatch club Holly: Cheers,ladies. Summer: Seriously,though,I am so using the champagne fountain. Brynn: And what about your colors? Have you decided? Summer: No,'cause that's what we're gonna be doing at my house tomorrow night. Am I right,bitches? Holly: But,seriously,they feel just like real boobs. Let's cheers to that. Summer: You know what? I am so down for that juice fast. Holly: I told Brent that for Christmas,all I want is an African baby. Summer: African babies. Holly: I love them. Summer: Mm-hmm. Where's the waiter?I need me some more champy. Hey,mama needs some more bubbly. Che: How can I help you,ma'am? Summer: Jay? Che: Did you need something? Holly: She wants some more champs,yo. Summer,Huh? you okay? Summer: Yeah,just bring on the bubbly. At Roberts' Kaitlin: And the best part,these cops,they really are that stupid. Will: You really want to watch this? Kaitlin: Are you kidding ? It's my favorite show. You can't make this stuff up. Julie: Kaitlin,have you seen my cell? Oh,I didn't know you had a friend over. Kaitlin: Mom,Will. Will,this is my mother. Will: Nice to meet you,Mrs.Cooper. Julie: Nice to meet you,Will. Well,I wish I could stay and talk some more but I'm gonna go look for my phone at the office. You two look cute together. Kaitlin: Mom... Julie: Enjoy your date. Kaitlin: It's not a date. Julie: Have fun. Will: Why did you say it wasn't a date? Kaitlin: It's not like dinner and a movie or anything. Will: Well,we just had dinner,and after this crappy show goes off,we can watch a movie. Kaitlin: Well,you got me there. Will: So,if this is how you act with your mom,how are you gonna act at school? Kaitlin: Let's just watch this show. That cop,he just drove a car into a meth lab. That's hilarious. Will: I didn't think it was that funny. Kaitlin: Well,maybe it's 'cause you're not high. Do you want to smoke up? WIll: I think I'm gonna go. I thought the way you are at school was all just an act. Kaitlin: What are you saying? Will: Guess I was wrong. Yatch club Henri-Michel: Levy publishes an inane article accusing me of being a post-structuralist. Taylor: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.Am I right? Ryan: So,what are,what are your plans in Newport? Henri-Michel: Well,I have been searching for even a nibble of culture, but I think I must give up. I only have one more commitment before I leave. Tomorrow,I appear on your favorite show,Ja Pense. Taylor: Wait.Ja Pense is coming to Newport? Ryan: What is Ja Pense? Taylor: It's this literary talk show. It's kind of like a French Charlie Rose,but with less interrupting. Henri-Michel: They wish to do a field piece on the city that gave birth to Peaches. They asked if you would appear... Taylor: Oh,no,no,Henri,I said the last time was my farewell appearance. Ryan: The last time? You used to go on a French talk show? Taylor: Just a handful of times,though. My favorite had to be that one roundtable we had An is Nin's bisexuality. Things got heat-ed. Henri-Michel: Oh,that reminds me,my publisher want to do a translation of Nin's erotic poetry. Of course,I recommended you. Taylor: You... Me? Seriously? Henri-Michel: Of course. Don't you think Taylor would be an inspired choice? Ryan: I don't,I don't know... Nin's poetry. Henri-Michel: People say it's pornography. but it is really just deeply,deeply sexual. And Taylor understands Nin like no other. What was that poem you translated to amuse yourself? Taylor: Oh,mm. "And the day came "where the risk remained tight "in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " C'est tres beau,{a. Ryan: Well,I'm exhausted. Uh,would you give Taylor a ride home? Henri-Michel: Great.Good night. Taylor: Ryan? [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Ryan! Wait! Ryan,what's wrong? Ryan: Nothing. It's just,we've been in there four hours. First course,second course,cheese course... Taylor: And you couldn't stop imagining it,right? Me with him,page 47. Ryan,I thought you said you were okay with this? Ryan: I guess I'm not. I'm sorry. Taylor: Ryan... Ryan! At Cohen's - In the kitchen Sandy: I'm gonna be in court all day,so don't bother holding any of those shrimp tacos for me. Tell me you are not reading that book about Taylor. French philosophy at 7:00 in the morning. Ryan: Okay,I'll bite. I read the book,Taylor's book. Sandy: So you must be feeling... Ryan: I'm not freaked out. Sandy: Even page 47? Ryan: No,no,I mean,I was,right? But then,uh,last night we,uh,we went out with her ex. And you know,it was all art and philosophy and how she used to go on that French talk show. And you know that part in the book where she goes out to dinner with Jacques Chirac? That's actually true. Sandy; Oh,so you're thinking "How can this kid from Chino be hanging out with that crowd?" Ryan: Pretty much. Sandy: Well,listen,I don't know anything about the world of French intellectuals, but I do know Taylor Townsend,and seems to me,she thinks you are pretty terrific. So just talk to her. Or you can sit here,reading your Sartre. Ryan: I'll talk to her. Sandy: Good. Hey,you know who else the French love? Jerry Lewis. Ryan: Really? Sandy: Hey,lady! G'bye! At Roberts' Julie: Hey,babe,how was your date last night? Kaitlin: I already told you,it wasn't a date. Julie: Why not?Will seems nice and very cute. Kaitlin: He is,he's a major dork. Julie: You like him. Kaitlin: No,I don't. Julie: Oh,my God,you really,really like him. Kaitlin: Oh,my God!No,I don't. Julie: You think he's dorkalicious. Kaitlin: Stop it. Julie: You want his big dorky arms wrapped around you while he gives you big dorky kisses. Kaitlin: Mom,I'm your child. Julie: Sorry. Kaitlin: And even if I did like him,which I don't,it doesn't matter 'cause I screwed up,and he doesn't like me anyway. Julie: Whatever it is you did,I'm sure you'll fix it. At the very least,you have to try. Kaitlin: What are you doing,anyway? Julie: My cell phone wasn't at the office. Kaitlin: So you think it's in the frying pan? Julie: I've checked everywhere else,and I just really need it,okay? Kaitlin: Okay. At Cohen's Kirsten: Oh,hello,I'm calling for Julie Cooper. I'm just confirming the details of your date tonight. That's right,Four Seasons,room 321. Oh,I'm sorry,Mrs.Jacobson.8:00 isn't going to work. We're going to have to reschedule. Thank you. At Roberts' - In Taylor's bedroom Ryan: Taylor? Taylor: You don't want to come in here,Ryan. I'm reenacting page 112. Ryan: Look,I'm sorry,okay?I... I wasn't freaked out about the s*x,just so you know. It was the,uh,you know,all those people you were talking about,the writers,the philosophers,people I never even heard of. I just thought it was out of our league. I just,I didn't grow up going to the opera or reading French poetry. Taylor: Ryan,you're just as smart as Henri-Michel,and I don't want you to be anyone else than who you are. Ryan: Thank you. Taylor: God,I wish I hadn't said yes. Ryan: What?What did you say yes to? Taylor: I agreed to go on Ja Pense tonight. You know,I can cancel it. Ryan: No,no,look,I want you to be who you are. In fact,I'd like to come. Taylor: Uh,okay. Ryan: Yeah? Taylor: Yeah,sure. Ryan: Now,I have a few minutes before I have to get to work. And all that talk about page 112... Taylor: Kaitlin's right downstairs. Ryan: I know,but my impression of the vicar's very quiet. It's really,you won't even hear it. Taylor: Really?Really? No.Don't,don't! Seattle Seth: So what was the deal with that unicorn? Neil: It seems the guy dressed his horse up as a unicorn for his daughter's birthday, and things went terribly awry,but it taught us all about the value of family. Seth: And speaking of family,have you decided to bless our sacred union? Neil: I've thought about your proposal,Seth,and seriously,I can't. It's not because I dislike you,Seth,but I don't think that you really appreciate Summer. Seth: What? Neil: No. Seth: Look,Dr.Roberts,with all due respect,uh, you have a lot of grounds with which to object to this admittedly harebrained idea, but if there's one thing that is undeniable,it's that I appreciate your daughter. Neil: As you made very clear yesterday when you called her "kind of cool and easy on the eyes. You got to do better than that. Seth: Well,she's hilarious,for one,and my favorite thing in the world is to make her laugh because she has a crazy honk of a laugh I think Nelson from The Simpsons... She does have a contagious laugh. Yeah,stop me before I say that she makes me a better man,but she makes me more of a man. Certainly less of a boy. I love every minute I spend with your daughter,sir.I really do. Neil: So this wasn't some goof. You really want to spend the rest of your life with her? Seth: I do,seriously. Neil: Then come talk to me after you finish college and you got a chance at supporting her. Got to go. Have a safe flight. At Roberts' Holly: So Brent and I were,like,we don't want to kill any endangered owls that live under our deck, but I really want a Jacuzzi. Summer: Oh,girl,you got to get your hot tub,right,huh? Owls... What,are you supposed to be,my conscience? Che: Maybe. Is this what you really want? Summer: Yes,it is. Lisa: Uh-oh,someone's had too much champy. Summer's talking to herself. Holly: Well,I know exactly what will snap her out of it. Lisa: Oh,my God,your dress! Holly: I know. I thought you could try it on. I was really anorexic when I wore it,not to brag. Summer: Oh,good for you. Holly: Here. Summer: Thanks. You'd better not watch me change. At the TV show Man: Hi So,you're the friend Mademoiselle Townsend? Ryan: Uh,yes,yes.What's happening? Man: They started out talking about The Season For Peaches, and now somehow,they are into Existentialism of the 21st century, the responsibility of the post-colonial age,Johnny Depp. amazing. Ryan: I like it,and I think it looks good. At Robert's - Summer's bedroom Che: Well,as far as presents go,it's very beautiful. Summer: Look,Seth is asking my dad,okay? This wedding is happening,so I need to make the best of it. Will you please stop trying to rescue me? Che: The only person who can save you,Summer,is you. Girl: Okay,A) you look ten times better than Holly; B) don't tell her that, and C) we have the most rocked-out idea for your ringbearer. Summer: Who's my ringbearer? Girl: Cute little bunny. Summer: Pancakes! Holly: Check it,Summer. We just realized that we can totally dye your bunny pink so that he'll match the bridesmaid's dresses. Isn't that so adorable,you just want to kill yourself? We're just gonna do a test run right now,aren't we,Rumples?Yes,we are! Okay... Summer: Pancakes! His name is Pancakes. Holly: Bitch,what's wrong? Summer: Everything! At the TV show Man: Good night. Je Pense! Ryan: You were amazing. Taylor: Thank you. Okay,I'm gonna go say good-bye,then I'll be right back. Ryan: Okay,all right. Taylor: Okay. Henri-Michel: And Ryan,what did you think? Ryan: I thought you guys were great,not that I understood a word of it. Henri-Michel: We're going to celebrate with some Pinot Noir,and I would love to pick your brain on David Hume. Ryan: Sounds great.Who's David Hume? Henri-Michel: Good question. I'm sure you ask yourself this every day. Last night after you left,Taylor told me of your studies, the series of articles you wrote on the origins of skepticism. For the Vienna Journal? Maybe one day they will be expounded into a book. After I heard about your research,traveling to Humes' personal archives in Edinburgh,even I was impressed. Ryan: I'm sure you were [SCENE_BREAK] Man: I'm gonna to try it. Taylor: Yeah. Ryan: Can I talk to you a second? Taylor: Yeah. Excuse me. Thank you.I couldn't get out of there. Ryan: Why did you tell him I was writing a book? Taylor: What? Ryan: You couldn't tell him the truth,that I work in a Mexican restaurant? Taylor: Okay,Ryan,what did you expect me to do? Because you said about three words all night and then you just ran away. Henri asked me if you were on medication. Ryan: Oh,so now you care about his opinion? Taylor: Yes.Yes,I do. Because I could see him sitting there judging you and I hated it. I just wanted him to know how smart you were. And maybe it was the wrong thing to do,but the story just kind of came spilling out of me. Ryan: All right,okay,you lied to make me look good- I get that- but the thing is,I think part of you wishes it were true. Taylor: No,Ryan,please,I just want you to be yourself. Ryan: Taylor... I don't know,I... I think this is what we've known from the beginning. Taylor: What?What's that? Ryan: We're different. Taylor: So what?Everyone's different. It's what makes the world beautiful. Right? Okay,Ryan,I'm sorry. What do you want me to do to make it better? Ryan: I think I should go. Motel Man: Ms.Jacobson? At Roberts' Julie: Hello? Spencer. No,I didn't get any of your messages. My cell phone's been MIA for two days now. I'm retracing my steps. What do you mean Mrs.Jacobson got canceled on? What...what partner? Oh,my God. Motel Man: Good champagne. Sure you don't want any? Kirsten: Uh,no,thank you. Man: Well... shall we get down to business? Kirsten: Uh,actually,Ken... I'm new at this. Could you walk me through it? Man: Step one: you put the money on the night stand. Step two: we get nasty. Or nice,depending on your taste. I thought Julie told you all the rules. Kirsten: She did. I just thought... Would you excuse me?I,uh.. I left some toys in-in-in my car. I'll be right back. Man: Toys? Sweet. Harbour Will: Hey,man,that looks good on you. Man: I like the red one. Will: Trust me,that's a woman's coat. Kaitlin: Hey. I just came to clear a few things up. I like you,okay? Will: Okay. Kaitlin: Maybe I messed things up so you can't like me back. But I just wanted you to know that. You don't. Will: No,no,I do,it's just... Kaitlin: Stupid winter clothing drive. Will: You may not know this,but there are homeless people that live in Newport. Kaitlin: Really? Hi,Darryl. Hi,Bill. Darryl: Hey,Kaitlin. Bill: Hey,Kaitlin. Will: Hey,what you do say I give you a call when I leave here? Kaitlin: Okay. Just can't believe this winter clothing drive is salting my game. At New Match Office Julie: Kirsten,I can explain. Kirsten: That you've been running a prostitution ring through our business. Julie: It... it just...it just happened. Kirsten: There are dozens of names here. Hercules,Commander Snake... Julie: Kirsten,I am so sorry,but I promise... Kirsten: I have known you a long time,Julie. This isn't just a matter of cloudy judgment and questionable morals. It's breaking federal law. Julie: I understand. I do. And I deeply,deeply regret it,but if we just quit now,we can act like it never happened. Kirsten: I wish I could. I want you out of here by Monday. Julie: Kirsten,please. Kirsten: I'm going to do you one more favor. I'm not going to call the police and I'm not going to tell Sandy. You're on your own. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Hello? Che: Caterpillar,it's me. Summer: You're calling me now? Look,I already sent them all home.Isn't that enough? Che: What are you talking about? Summer: Wait,where are you? Che: I'm in my dorm room. Summer,I've been doing some out-of-body work. I had a vision of you surrounded by owls in a white dress, and Summer,the owls,they were crying for you. Summer: God,I'm okay now. I just...kind of got engaged. Che: That's amazing. I'll weave you guys something ASAP. Summer: Jay,I'm so confused. I don't know what I want. Che: Summer,in order for two halves to be whole,each half must be whole on its own. That is really true. Che: I'm gonna sing you a song. * Moon,stars are above you... * At Cohen's Sandy: Oh,man sitting by himself in the dark. It's not a good sign. Are you okay? Ryan: I've been better. I don't know what's going on with me and Taylor. I think maybe we're just too different. Sandy: You said that like it's a bad thing. Look at Kirsten and me. Ryan: Right. Well,you know,you guys have your own rhythm. Sandy: Well,yeah,it took years to figure that out. I love Kirsten dearly,and-and... and still it gets complicated. Ryan: So how do you know you know,whether you're good,different or just... Sandy: From opposite planets? Ryan: Right. Sandy: At the end of the day,you either focus on what separates you or you focus on what holds you together. And it's up to you. At Robert's - Summer's bedroom Seth: Hey,stranger. Summer: Hi. How was Seattle? Seth: It was good,good. Summer: Yeah? Seth: Yeah. Summer: How was my dad when you asked him? Cold,warm,lukewarm? Seth: Well,he did not give us permission to get married,at least for the next few years. Summer: damn. Seth: Yeah. Okay,well,uh,here's,here's the deal. I went up there,knowing your dad would say no and that I could get out of this, but I realized I don't want out. I want in with you. forever,you know? So,I think we should stay engaged. It doesn't have to be today,but... someday. Summer: Seth,I realized something,too,while you were gone. It turns out I have no idea who I am. In the past few months,I went from being a hard-core environmentalist to a Newpsie-wed in training. Seth: You're a Newpsie? Summer: For 48 hours. The point is,I don't think that you can be with someone until you can be with yourself. I think it's something I need to figure out. Seth: Oh,that sounds like a... Summer: I guess it's a no. I'm sorry. Seth: Well,I think I'm gonna... Summer: I'm going to see you tomorrow,okay? Seth: Okay. Summer: Hey... you should take this... because we might need it someday. Please,don't be sad,Peaches. At the TV show Henri-Michel: Taylor,I'm... What is it? Taylor: Nothing.It's just...thought... Nothing...You know,it's getting late,Henri,so I should go. Henri-Michel: Stay a little longer... please? Taylor: Okay. End of the episode.

Henri-Michel tells Ryan about Taylor's life in France, forcing him to question their relationship. Seth seeks Dr. Roberts' permission to marry Summer. Kaitlin realizes she likes Will. Summer reconnects with Holly and worries about her future. Meanwhile, Kirsten makes a shocking discovery at NewMatch.

fd_The_L_Word_06x03

fd_The_L_Word_06x03_0

At Tina's work. Receptionist: Shaolin Studio, how can I help you, please? Tina receives a sms. Aaron wants to see her. Aaron: You really wanna see this film going down in flames, don't you?! Tina: What are you talking about? I love this film. Aaron: Oh, bullshit, Tina! Bullshit! Last week you said you would burn down the lab before you let "The Girls" be released with, may I say, a brillant ending tested through the roof, and now... Tina: And now, and now what? What? What's going on? Aaron: Don't stand here and pretend you don't know what the f*ck I'm talking about! Tina: I have no idea what you're talking about, Aaron. I would never do anything to sabotage this film, okay? I put my whole life into this film. Please, stop yelling at me and just talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Aaron: Look, I don't actually think that you were the one who stole the negative, Tina because you are not a complete and total raving lunatic like for example Jennyfer Schecter! Tina: Whoa, whoa, wait. Back up. The negative? What negative? Aaron: The negative was stolen from the f*cking lab, Tina! We have no more film! Tina: And you think Jenny did this? Aaron: I cannot in my wildest dream imagine anyone else on the face of the planet being that devious or insane. But Jenny Schecter? Piece of cake. And since she's your friend, Tina, I am holding you personally responsible for it. So do whatever you have to do, but get Schecter to return that goddamn negative! Tina: f*cking, Jenny. I'm gonna f*cking kill you. Cr dits. At Jenny's home. Shane: sh1t! I don't know what to say. Jenny: I'm happy we f*cked. Shane: Are you sure? Jenny: Yep. Oh God! Who the f*ck is that? Shane: Who? Jenny: Oh God, it's Alice. It's Alice! Shane: What the f*ck is Alice doing here? It's early. Jenny: She came 'cause I'm supposed to give her notes on that f*cking treatment. Shane: Tell her to go home. We have to...Where is my shirt? I don't know. Jenny: I mean, are you sure it's there? Shane: Here. Alice: Hello? Shane: You know the night suddenly seems to me like... Jenny: Come here. Do you think we made a mistake? Shane: No. Jenny: Really? Shane: You know as much as I do. Jenny: Come here. Alice is still waiting. Jenny and Shane: f*ck! Jenny: It's so annoying. Shane: She's in the worse timing. Jenny: Oh my god! Alice: I know that look. Wooo! Shane: What look? Alice: The "I had s*x on night" look. Anyone I know? Shane: No. No, I didn't do anything. And, just so you know, I look like this every morning. Alice: Oh my god! Who are you kidding? You wear your s*x night on your sleeve. So when did Jenny let you back in the house? Shane: Uh... last night. Jenny: Hey, little monkey. Have you seen my earrings? Alice: Monkey? Well you guys like super made up. Jenny: Are you gonna do Patrick Demsey's hair for some kind of commercial this morning? Shane: No. Jenny: No? What are you doing then? Shane: I mean... Jenny: What? Shane: I'm not... who am I doing? I'm doing Jenny: Who are you doing? Shane: Eric, Eric Mabius. Jenny: Oh right. Do you have to go? Do you need some help getting dressed? Shane: I guess so. Jenny: Yeah? What? Shane: I gotta go. Jenny: Okay, I'm gonna help you. Okay, hang on a sec. Hang on a sec! Jenny: Come here. Alice: sh1t, sh1t, sh1t! Oh my god! Oh my god! Okay. Shane: Alright. Alice: Tell me you didn't... Shane: You know that I have to be at work. Alice: Oh my god! Shane: So we're gonna talk later. Jenny: Do you want a cappuccino? Alice: No, thank you. Jenny: Are you sure? Alice: I'm gonna go to your bathroom. Jenny: What? Alice: My god! Don't think. She sends a lot of sms about Jenny and Shane. Helena is falling down of a fitness machine. Tina: What the f*ck?! A men at Bette's work: The regular clearly estates that all graduate student must pick through graphic design before they can move on to individual design. Bette: I'm sorry. The men: That's alright. As I was saying... Bette: I'm sorry. She laughs. Kit: Why is my phone buzzing? Oh, why is my phone buzzing? The waitress: You got a text message. Kit: A what? A text message...? Jenny: Do you hava a briefing? Shane: I do. Jenny: I just wanted to talk to you. Shane: Yeah, of course. Jenny: Alice, I'm gonna be there in a second, okay? Alice: Hi! (Helena is on the phone) Helena: Alice, what the bloody hell is going on? Alice: Jenny just...She just took Shane outside. She said she wanted to talk! Helena: Well, isn't it a bit late for that? Alice, what are they saying? Shane: I just wanted to tell you... Helena: What are they talking about? Jenny: You know, I don't have, uh...I don't have expectations for our relationship. Alice: Jenny doesn't wanna put any expectations on their relationship. Jenny: And I was thinking we should probably set some boundaries, you know? 'Cause we live in the same house. Alice: Jenny wants boundaries. Helena: Boundaries? Jenny doesn't even know the meaning of the word. She never had any boundaries. Ever. Jenny: What I'm trying to say is I just want it to be different. Shane: Yeah, right. Jenny: 'Cause I know you. I know you do. Alice: They're kissing! Helena: Alice, you're being childish. They're both grown-up and if they want to get involved with one another that's totally their prerogative. Shane: Good kisser. Jenny: Kisser? Shane: You know that. Alice: Shane just said Jenny was a good kisser! Helena: My god! It's disgusting! Shane: I have to go. Alice: She's coming. Helena: Alice, what? Alice what? Alice: Yeah, absolutely. Very good, very juicy tip for you today. I'm just... Helena: Alice, just say it. Let me know. If she's in the room, just say yes or no. Alice: Yes. Yes, so I will see you at four. Okay. Alice: Work, work, work. The look is making me come at the... Jenny: Right. I'd appreciate it if you don't mention that stuff. You know? Alice: It's none of my business. Jenny: Nope. Do you wanna start work? Alice: Yeah, I brought mine. You know, it's...It's work. Tina: This is just so crazy. Bette: In her office. Really? What is Shane thinking? This is gonna be a complete and total train rack. Why it should be your responsibility? I think you should just call Jenny to find out what the f*ck happened to the negative because, you know what? I'm sure it's just some misunderstanding and he's gonna call you in a couple of days and just apologize. Alright. Well, call me. I love you. Bette: What is Tom doing here? Tom: Hello, Bette, it's good to see you too. Jodi: Well, the ADA says I have the right to an interpreter in the workplace. Bette: The Americans With Disabilities Act? But you know perfectly well that I can sign. Jodi: Actually your signing has never really been that great. So it's probably better if you just speak. Bette: Fine. Well, we will both probably agree that working together has become very uncomfortable. And since I am the head of this department and I have to have it run smoothly, I think it would be best for you to resign. Jodi: No. Bette: Excuse me? Jodi: I love my job. Why would I resign? Bette: A few weeks ago, you volunteered to resign from CU. Jodi: Right. I offered to resign to protect your ass. Which is something I would do for somebody that I'm in love with. Obviously I'm no longer in love with you. Bette: If you don't resign, then I'm gonna have to fire you. Jodi: Go right ahead. Back with Jenny and Alice. Alice's phone is ringing. Alice: Yeah? Jenny: We're in a meeting here, so... Alice: Yeah, just... Jenny: Okay, here is my... Alice: I turn the ring off. Jenny: Thanks. Alice: Getting a lot of phone calls. I don't know why. Jenny: Will you pass me that? Alice: Sure. Jenny: Thanks. Thank you. How long did it take you to write this? Alice: Oh, I just wrote that in a night. I just kind of stream-of-consciousness spit it out. Jenny: One night? This took you one night? You people think that you can just come into Hollywood and suddenly you're gonna make it and you're just gonna like write everything and it's gonna be great in one night. You know what? My work to write a screenplay is a craft. Okay? And if you're gonna sit here across from me, you have to start taking it seriously. So this is what we are gonna do. Pitch it to me. Go. I'm an executive, okay? Alice: Like a pitch meeting? Jenny: Sell it. Alice: I need to work on this. Jenny: Go for it. Alice: It's a good idea. It's about a talk show host who is really fantastic and is dating a cop, who's dark and broody and they get caught up in this, this murder mystery. So there'll be like car chases, and it's got action and excitement. It's kinda like foul play. It meets "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", so it's got the romantic, you know, actionny... It's kinda got everything! Jenny: Except a good idea. Just saying. I mean... I don't think that's gonna sell. Pretty boring. But you know, the heart of this is that it's just not realistic. These two people would never be in a relationship together. No, Alice. kinda... Alice: Yeah? Jenny: Well, Alice, you know what I think? The future's now. Right now and this is not the way forward. Because when I'm with you in a group of people and I close my eyes and I'm like ooooooo that girl... the voice. She should be doing cartoon voiceovers. Alice: I have never really thought of cartoons as a career move. Jenny: You have a unique fork laryngeal. It's right here. Tina: Jenny, open up! I need to talk to you. Alice: Thank you so much for the inspiration. Jenny: Thank you. Alice: Alright. Great to see you. I'm gonna work on this. Jenny: Okay. Alice: Don't tell anybody I told you 'cause I promised I won't say anything! Tina: Wait. Are you sure about Jenny and Shane? Alice: I saw them make out. With tongue. Tina: Gross! Alice: I know. I'm already have initiated down but the image is burnt in my head. Alice: Hey, Jenny, thanks again for your help. Jenny: No problem. Tina: I take it the meeting didn't go so well? Alice: Yeah, not so good. Tina: Well, I wanna hear all about it, but first right now I have to go f*cking kill Jenny. Alice: Why? What did she do to you? Tina: I can't talk about it right now. I'll tell you all about it later, alright? I just... I have to calm down, okay. I just have to go talk some senses to her. Alice: Yeah, good luck with that. Tina: I'll call you. Jenny: I got a new cappuccino maker. Do you want one? Tina: No, thanks. I'm fine. Jenny: Are you sure? Tina: Jenny, I need to talk to you. Jenny: I can make it with soil. Do you... Tina: Okay. Soil, fine. Jenny: Soil? Okay. Jenny and Tina: Great. Jenny: What's up? Tina: The negative of "Lez Girls"? It was stolen from the lab. Jenny: What? Tina: The negative was stolen. Jenny: I can't hear you. Tina: The negative was stolen from the lab! Jenny: Why are you keeping saying the word "negative"? Tina: Are you not hearing me? The negative... Jenny: Smell the beans. Tina: ...to our movie was stolen from the lab. Jenny: Who cares if the negative was stolen? The editor has it on her computer. Tina: We shot the movie on film, okay? Jenny: Alright? Tina: The kind of film you might take pictures with. Alright? Jenny: Okay. Tina: The negative is the original image, alright? Without that, you can't make prints. Without prints, you can't screen it in a movie theater, alright? It doesn't matter what the editor has on her computer, alright? Because it cannot be projected on to a screen.No one's gonna see our movie. Jenny: Are you saying that nobody's gonna see the movie? Oh my god, Tina! This film is my whole life! Tina: I know it's your life. That's why I'm here. I just... I came over to talk to you face to face.Look, I talked to the lab, they kinda put a trace on it, they're gonna find it, but I just thought you could talk to me, just one on one. Jenny: About what? Tina: Is it here? Jenny: Is it here?! You... If I stole it? You wanna know if I stole the movie? Tina: Jenny, it's possible. Look, if it's here, just grab it. We'll take it back to the lab, okay? And I can promise, nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Jenny: But sh1t has already happen to me! My film's already been stolen! Why don't you ask Adele? Tina: Adele doesn't have any reason to steal the negative! Jenny: Oh, Adele has no reason to steal? Why? Tina: Her whole career would be on line. Jenny: Her f*cking career is on the line. That twerp has a three-picture deal! I have nothing! Nothing, Tina! Okay? I don't even have an agent anymore. Because my agents fired me because they don't think I'm professional. And then and then, if this film doesn't come out then I'm totally f*cked, okay? So I need this film to come out so I have this kind of chance of getting a job again. So you need to find that movie! I did not steal the negative. Tina: I'm sorry. They're holding me responsible. Aaron is personally holding me responsible. Jenny, I'm sorry, okay? I believe you. Jenny: Oh my god! This is so bad. Tina: I promise you. At the Planet. Alice: So you guys are a couple? Shane: No. No, Alice, we're not a couple. Things got emotional and it happened one time. That's... It's not, not a big deal. Alice: Shane, it's Jenny! I mean, I just wanna make sure you know who you're talking about here. Shane: I'm surely aware of who it is, thank you, but listen, we got each other. We do! And I have to believe she's not gonna get weird! She even said it today. You know, we live under the same... Alice: Under the same roof, you will have to set boundaries.I know. Shane: How did you know that? Alice: I just, you're expecting Jenny to set boundaries. It's like... What? Shane: I have to. I don't have another choice. Alice: Even the most level-headed calm person would be freaking out if they slept with their roomate. Shane: Listen to me. Alice: It's normal. Shane: It happened one time. And just because it happened doesn't mean like we're gonna add water and become instant relationship all of a sudden. Her phone is ringing. Alice: What? Shane: Nothing. She asked get some beer on the way home. And, listen, between you and me, if it was to happen again? Alice: What? What is that face? Shane: I wouldn't, I wouldn't mind. It was good. Alice: How good was it? Shane: Better than I expected good. Alice: You're gonna sleep with her again tonight. Shane: I will not. I swear. No. I mean, I can't swear, but, I'm not planning on it. At the end of the day, I really am happy that she's back in my life. Speaking of which, I've gotta get going. I've got to find a liquor store. At Bette's work. Bette: Phyllis, I need to talk to you about Jodi. She is implacable. I have never met anybody so... Phyllis: Bette, come sit down. I feel like we us, to discuss this problem with all the parties involved. Jodi has given me her side of the story. So if there's anything you think I should know, now is the time. Bette: Jodi agreed to resign several weeks ago, and I simply asked her to submit that resignation. Phyllis: The Justin Donovan gun-to-the-head incident has completely evaporated. So there's no longer any reason for Jodi to resign. Bette: The Justin Donovan controversy is only educative of a larger problem. Jodi isn't interested in any authority other than her own and as my subordinate, she has repeatedly demonstrated that she is determined to make it as uncomfortable as possible for me to do my job. Phyllis: So, you threaten to fire your ex-girlfriend because having her around makes you uncomfortable? Bette: No, that's not what I said. It's a question of authority, Phyllis. I'm really shocked, Bette. I would never have imagined that you of all people would allow this... this dyke drama to interfere with you doing your job. Bette: This is not dyke drama, Phyllis! Phyllis: When you entered into a sexual relationship with a subordinate, as you referred to her, you relinquished your right to fire her. Because that's what's called sexual harassment. Bette: Are you threatening to sue me for sexual harassment?! Jodi: That thought never occurred to me. I'm not really interested in lawsuits. Phyllis: This is not coming from Jodi, Bette. It's coming from me. The last thing this university needs is a sexual harassment law suit between two lesbians. Bette: She just said she's not going to sue me. Phyllis: I don't care what Jodi says. I cannot allow you to expose this university to this kind of threat. Have I made myself clear? At Jenny's home. Jenny: Guess what? I finished my whole treatment. I'm excited! Shane: You did? Jenny: I did. And guess what else. Shane: What? Jenny: I was thinking about you. Shane: You were. Jenny: I was. Everything that we did last night. Shane: And what were you thinking? Jenny: I was thinking that I liked it. What? What are you doing? Shane: Come here. Jenny: Are you sure? Shane: Take this off. Jenny: I am glad we made up. At Alice's work. Mary: And we're back on "The Look" and you've all been waiting patiently to hear what secrets Alice Pieszecki has to share with us today. Alice: Thank you for that great entrance, Andrea, but, secrets makes it sound a little dirty. Mary: Well, dirty, Alice, isn't the eye of the beholder? Alice: That may be my point, Mary. I know a lot of you think of me as the keeper of these dirty little gay secrets, but, I received a letter last week, and it made me think a lot about things I've done. So I thought Today, I will share something a little intimate with you. Mary: Great! Alice: "Dear Miss Pieszecki," they spelled it right there, which I appreciate. "I'm writing to you because you might be able to help" "people understand what I'm going through". "For the last three weeks," "my brother weight has been on life support" "I've been to the hospital every day, praying for a miracle" "but this morning," "I watched them lower my big brother's coffin" "into the ground" The second presenter: I don't understand who is this. Alice: "My brother's dead because he wrote a love letter" "to a guy named Marcus" "And Marcus shot him in the face" "I'm writing to ask you to please tell your viewers" "that it's not OK to hurt gay people" "We didn't do anything to them" "So why can't they just leave us alone" I know I've been... I know I've justified outing in the past, saying it's a political act. I certainly do believe that the world would be better if people felt free and safe enough to be who they really are, but what I forgot was some people choose to stay in the closet for other reasons. One of those reasons is homophobia is alive and well, and oftentimes in this country, it can be deadly. So... So I wanted to share that. Thank you. The second presenter: Thank you very much, Alice for bringing that to our attention. Alice: You're welcome. The second presenter: Well, right now we're gonna go to a commercial and when we come back we are gonna to discuss how to dress for spring. Don't go away. At Tina's work. The receptionist: Shaolin, may I help you? People: Well, that's what I thought 'cause it occured to me that... Tina: What's going on? Another person: Aaron wants to see you right away. Tina: Again? Aaron: Oh for fax sake! Tina: You wanted to see me? Aaron: "Dear Deluxe Motion Picture Lab," "please release the Lez Girls negative to the East Side Messenger Service," "who will arrive at 8 P.M. tonight" "Sincerely" You wanna read that signature for me? Tina: Oh, my God. You don't actually believe that I did this. Aaron: Is that or is that not your signature, Tina? Tina: Yes. But I didn't write this letter! Aaron: Then you'd better find out who did. Tina: f*ck! [SCENE_BREAK] In a bar. Phyllis: It's painful for me as this is. Bette: So you want me to resign? Phyllis: Yes. Bette: Look, I know I'm not the only administrator at CU who's ever had a relationship with another faculty member. Phyllis: No, but you're the only lesbian administrator who's had a nasty public breakup with a faculty member. Bette: So this is because I'm a lesbian. Or is it because you're a lesbian, Phyllis? Phyllis: Before you go any further, yes. It's true. This situation could reflect badly on me, but... Bette: Phyllis, she said she had no... Phyllis: But it's not the only reason. Bette:... intention... Phyllis: Let me finish ! Unfortunately, Bette, this is not your first offense. Bette: I don't know what you're talking about. Phyllis: Nadia's complaint sided Gordon Percy, but she also referred to her encounter with you. Bette: Nadia filled a complaint against me? Phyllis: Yes. Bette: So why didn't you tell me about it? Phyllis: Because I knew you'd be angry and you'd wanna fight it and it was more convenient to make it go away. So you see, I've already given you a second chance. Bette: Phyllis, Tina and I are about to adopt a baby. We just started construction on the second storey. This is really not the... Phyllis: Don't grovel, Bette. It's beneath you. You know with your talent you'll find a position in no time. The barmaid: May I get these ladies refill? Phyllis: I'll have one. Bette? Bette: I'll have a red Manhattan, please. Phyllis: You were a beautiful role model for me when I was coming out. Jodi too, but, you in a very special way and I will always be grateful. Bette: That's nice. Phyllis: And I don't blame you. If svelte young co t with long blond hair was throwing herself at me, God knows what I'd do. Bette: She was a grade student. Phyllis: To tell you the truth, I've had my own struggle with attractions to subordinates. I've one crush that's been incredibly difficult not to act on them. You wanna know who it is? Bette: I'd rather not. Phyllis: Oh come on! Guess! It's someone you know. Bette: Phyllis, I really... I have no idea. You know? And I thought you and Joyce were gonna get married. Phyllis: Joyce? Yes. But as Jimmy Carter once said, "I've strayed in my mind's eye many times". Especially with this particular person. But now that you're no longer my employee, I feel free to make my confession. I've always found you wildly, exquisitely attractive. Yes. Bette: Phyllis, no. Phyllis: From the moment I saw you, tall, strong, brilliant. Bette: Don't. Phyllis: Erudite. Incredibly...It was so difficult for me not to act on it. You can't imagine. Bette: Joyce. Phyllis: Joyce is wonderful, yeah. Oh, yes, she's TCB, she's good in bed, but makes a good living, tight with Mayor Newsom, but...if you gave me the smallest amount of encouragement, I would lose her in a second. Bette: You just fired me. Phyllis: I know. But it may be the best thing that ever happened to both of us. You are and will always be the woman of my dreams. Bette: You'll have my letter of resignation in the morning. At the Planet. Kit: Girl, look what you got! Helena: Next time Dylan Moreland sends me flowers, Kit, please, just don't accept them. Kit: OK, I'll throw 'em out. Helena: No, that'd be a waste. Let's put them in a bathroom, or...Maybe we... maybe recycle them. Kit reads the card: "You're beautiful when you're angry" At Alice's home. Alice: I guess hate crimes are not "fun gay", they're depressing gay. And now I'm going to this f*cking 7:00 meeting where I'm gonna get fired. And I'm scared to go. I'm gonna say people I am sorry. Okay? For what I did. And I'm gonna beg for this job back. I can't let this happen.Oh God, I don't know. What about...This would be good, right? Tasha: No. Alice: Why? Tasha: I don't like it. It's too something. I don't know. But wait, but you're not sorry. Alice: I will be sorry if I lose this job. I do not like being broke. Tasha: But Alice, you don't always get rewarded for doing the right thing. I mean, some people get punished. I got punished. Alice: Are you really gonna make this about you right now? Are you really gonna do that, make it about the f*ckin' army right now? The phone is ringing.. I am not here. This is so f*cked. I don't have any f*cking clothes! Tasha: Hello? Alice, it's some woman from the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center. Alice: Tell her I donated last year. I don't have time for this. Keep help me! Tasha: Hold on. Hi, she's not here. Can I take a message? Jamie: Alice Pieszecki...Oh my god! Thank you. Thank you. You have no idea how much this means. Alice: Wouah, it's overwhelmed welcome. This is Tasha. Jamie: I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm really happy to see Alice. Tasha: Yeah, no problem, yeah, we're here now. Jamie: Okay, great. It's this way. She's this way. Marie doesn't believe me. She was already out there when you read her letter today, and she thinks I'm just making it up to get her to come in. I think if she just sees you and she knows you're here... Alice: Alright. Jamie? Jamie, hi. Yeah, this is weird and crazy. I can't talk a teenager off the ledge. What if she jumps while I'm talking to her? Jamie: What if she jumps and you're not? Tasha: But Alice isn't qualified for this. She's not a psychologist. Alice: I'm not. This is... I don't even know the girl. Jamie: She knows you. You're her hero. She's so excited everytime she sees you on "The Look" because she says it gives her hope that someone could be out like you and still be successful. Come on, would you... Please, can you juste talk to her? Tasha: This isn't gonna work. Alice can't handle a situation like this. This is a crisis. You should call, you should call the police. Jamie: Marie's terrified of the police. What about her parents? They already lost a child. and they did sh1t the hell out of her. Tasha: But it's not her responsibility. Jamie: Yes, I know, but...Come on, Marie loves her. Alice: Why don't you come up there so we can talk? Marie: Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna fall for that?! I'm not going anywhere. You wanna talk, you can come down here. Tasha: Alice, what are you doing? Alice: What? The kid's not coming up. Tasha: Yeah, but you shouldn't go down there. You should... Alice: What? So I'm not qualified, I'm not gonna make crisis? Look, I came to the ledge. Marie: So what? Is it like part of your show or something? Did you bring your camera crew? Alice: Is that what you want? Do you wanna be on TV? Marie: f*ck you! Alice: No, I don't have a camera crew with me. I'm gonna be fired. Marie: Why? Alice: They didn't really like that I read your, your letter on the air. The producers in my show, they got, they got really pissed. Marie: I'm sorry. Alice: I'm not. You know? You know what? I mean, millions, millions of people heard the truth today. They heard what you had to say. They did. I mean, you changed the world a little bit when you wrote me that letter. You really did. And if you stick around, you could help change it a lot more. Marie: Is that what you're tryin to do? Trying to change the world? Alice: I don't know. Maybe I am in my own little way. At the Hit Club. People: That's so funny! You guys, over here! The drag-queen: I bet all boys loved you. Kit: Yes, they did, girlfriend.mYeah, I had my share, back in the day.mBut men...they just mess me up. TDQ: What about women? Kit: Oh, women? Oh, puh-leeze, they can mess each other up too. I can't begin to tell you how much drama I see. TDQ: Oh, but you're happy now. Happy with Helena? Kit: Yeah, I'm happy with my partner. Yeah. TDQ: This place is a bomb, and you and your girl are gonna tear it up tonight. And Sunset is gonna rock Kit's ball. Kit: Oh, yes, you are. Sunset: No one's gonna fix my face 'cause Miss Porter is in the house. I've got some serious competition. Kit: Oh, you go on now. Those are my friends out there. Let me go get them and I'll meet you back in this. Okay? Alright. Sunset: See you soon. Tasha: No, I wanna say that she really surprised me today and I'm very proud of her.And I'm very happy and proud to be her girlfriend. Everyone: To Alice! Alice: Thank you. Thank you. Tasha: You're welcome. Kit: Holy sh1t! She saw Jenny and Shane kissing in the car. Alice: Okay, finish. So, she fired you and then she kissed you? Bette: Technically, I resigned. And she didn't make out with me. There is no way that I was gonna make out with her. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. People: What? What's happening? Kit: I just saw Jenny and Shane in the car. Shane's hand was all up Jenny's skirt and Jenny's tongue is all going down Shane's throat. Alice: What? You don't know how to check your text messages, do you? Kit: Is that what my phone was doing all the buzzing about? I can't... People: All the kids are doing it. Shhh. Shane: Why are you laughing? Bette: Nothing. Just, we were talking about this... Nah, I had something in my throat, and I... Tina: Alright. You know what? Here is to Kit and Helena. This place is fabulous. Helena: Thank you. Alice: It's like night and day. Shane: Cheers, Kit. Kit: Thank you. Alice: You showed up all by yourself. Jenny: Very nice. Shane: What? Jenny: I think this place looks really beautiful. You guys did a great job. Helena: Thank you. Jenny: Did you do it yourself? Kit: Yeah, we did. We wanted it to look like, you know, "Casablanca", "Studio 54"... Jenny: Right. Kit: And you should see what we did with the VIP room. Jenny: Where is it? Kit: It's up there. Jenny: Can I go? I'm gonna go see it. Bette: Yeah. Go see it. And tell me what you think about it. Jenny: I definitively will. Bette: Okay. Shane: Wait, Kit, how big is this place? You said there's two levels? Kit: Yes, yes, yes. Shane: Where's the other one? Kit: Next to the VIP room. It's like another level, private. Shane: I didn't even see it when I came in. Can I check it out? Kit: Oh yeah, absolutely. You'll love it. Alice: Oh, there's a second floor? Helena: She might know someone up there. Who knows? Kit: Oh, right. Helena: Oooh, maybe. Sunset: Now, where's the fabulous Kit Porter? You don't know it, girl. Shane: How are you? Jenny: I don't know. How are you? Shane: I'm fine, it's just...I don't know about them. I just wanna make sure. Alice: Wouah, 3 o'clock. 3 o'clock. My 3 o'clock. My 3 o'clock. That way.Upstairs 3 o'clock! The girls: Oh my god! Tasha: Oh come on, now. They're just talking to each other. Jenny: Are you okay lying to all our friends? Shane: I don't care. I really don't. It's... It's between you and me. Jenny: Come here. End of the episode.

Alice walks in on Jenny and Shane after their night of passion, and naturally does not hesitate to gossip about it to everyone she knows before they have a chance to explain. Meanwhile, Tina gets into trouble when the film negatives for the movie The Girls (which the producers changed from "Lez Girls"), have been stolen from the studio and Tina gets blamed by her boss, Aaron, because she expressed frustration over the movie's ending, which was changed after being deemed too homophobic by the studio bosses. Tina thinks Jenny stole the negatives, but she denies it. But the unseen culprit soon frames Tina for the theft by sending a ransom note e-mail from Tina's office computer. Elsewhere, Joyce and Phyllis give the news about their impending marriage. Bette continues to have problems at work when Jodi continues harassing her. But when Phyllis turns down Bette's request to fire Jodi for insubordination, Bette concedes defeat and decides to quit her job. Also, Alice makes a choice to change her media career after she disobeys her employer's orders and reads a heartfelt letter on-air about a gay bashing incident, and Dylan attempts reuniting with Helena.