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TRANIO: Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant?

VINCENTIO: What am I, sir! nay, what are you, sir? O immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet! a velvet hose! a scarlet cloak! and a copatain hat! O, I am undone! I am undone! while I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at the university.

TRANIO: How now! what's the matter?

BAPTISTA: What, is the man lunatic?

TRANIO: Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by your habit, but your words show you a madman. Why, sir, what 'cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.

VINCENTIO: Thy father! O villain! he is a sailmaker in Bergamo.

BAPTISTA: You mistake, sir, you mistake, sir. Pray, what do you think is his name?

VINCENTIO: His name! as if I knew not his name: I have brought him up ever since he was three years old, and his name is Tranio.

Pedant: Away, away, mad ass! his name is Lucentio and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands of me, Signior Vincentio.

VINCENTIO: Lucentio! O, he hath murdered his master! Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the duke's name. O, my son, my son! Tell me, thou villain, where is my son Lucentio?

TRANIO: Call forth an officer. Carry this mad knave to the gaol. Father Baptista, I charge you see that he be forthcoming.

VINCENTIO: Carry me to the gaol!

GREMIO: Stay, officer: he shall not go to prison.

BAPTISTA: Talk not, Signior Gremio: I say he shall go to prison.

GREMIO: Take heed, Signior Baptista, lest you be cony-catched in this business: I dare swear this is the right Vincentio.

Pedant: Swear, if thou darest.

GREMIO: Nay, I dare not swear it.

TRANIO: Then thou wert best say that I am not Lucentio.

GREMIO: Yes, I know thee to be Signior Lucentio.

BAPTISTA: Away with the dotard! to the gaol with him!

VINCENTIO: Thus strangers may be hailed and abused: O monstrous villain!

BIONDELLO: O! we are spoiled and--yonder he is: deny him, forswear him, or else we are all undone.

LUCENTIO:

VINCENTIO: Lives my sweet son?

BIANCA: Pardon, dear father.

BAPTISTA: How hast thou offended? Where is Lucentio?

LUCENTIO: Here's Lucentio, Right son to the right Vincentio; That have by marriage made thy daughter mine, While counterfeit supposes bleared thine eyne.

GREMIO: Here's packing, with a witness to deceive us all!

VINCENTIO: Where is that damned villain Tranio, That faced and braved me in this matter so?

BAPTISTA: Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio?

BIANCA: Cambio is changed into Lucentio.

LUCENTIO: Love wrought these miracles. Bianca's love Made me exchange my state with Tranio, While he did bear my countenance in the town; And happily I have arrived at the last Unto the wished haven of my bliss. What Tranio did, myself enforced him to; Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake.

VINCENTIO: I'll slit the villain's nose, that would have sent me to the gaol.

BAPTISTA: But do you hear, sir? have you married my daughter without asking my good will?

VINCENTIO: Fear not, Baptista; we will content you, go to: but I will in, to be revenged for this villany.

BAPTISTA: And I, to sound the depth of this knavery.

LUCENTIO: Look not pale, Bianca; thy father will not frown.

GREMIO: My cake is dough; but I'll in among the rest, Out of hope of all, but my share of the feast.

KATHARINA: Husband, let's follow, to see the end of this ado.

PETRUCHIO: First kiss me, Kate, and we will.

KATHARINA: What, in the midst of the street?

PETRUCHIO: What, art thou ashamed of me?

KATHARINA: No, sir, God forbid; but ashamed to kiss.

PETRUCHIO: Why, then let's home again. Come, sirrah, let's away.

KATHARINA: Nay, I will give thee a kiss: now pray thee, love, stay.

PETRUCHIO: Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate: Better once than never, for never too late.

LUCENTIO: At last, though long, our jarring notes agree: And time it is, when raging war is done, To smile at scapes and perils overblown. My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome, While I with self-same kindness welcome thine. Brother Petruchio, sister Katharina, And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow, Feast with the best, and welcome to my house: My banquet is to close our stomachs up, After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down; For now we sit to chat as well as eat.

PETRUCHIO: Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!

BAPTISTA: Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.

PETRUCHIO: Padua affords nothing but what is kind.

HORTENSIO: For both our sakes, I would that word were true.

PETRUCHIO: Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.

Widow: Then never trust me, if I be afeard.

PETRUCHIO: You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense: I mean, Hortensio is afeard of you.

Widow: He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

PETRUCHIO: Roundly replied.

KATHARINA: Mistress, how mean you that?

Widow: Thus I conceive by him.

PETRUCHIO: Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?

HORTENSIO: My widow says, thus she conceives her tale.

PETRUCHIO: Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.

KATHARINA: 'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round:' I pray you, tell me what you meant by that.

Widow: Your husband, being troubled with a shrew, Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe: And now you know my meaning,

KATHARINA: A very mean meaning.

Widow: Right, I mean you.

KATHARINA: And I am mean indeed, respecting you.

PETRUCHIO: To her, Kate!

HORTENSIO: To her, widow!

PETRUCHIO: A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.

HORTENSIO: That's my office.

PETRUCHIO: Spoke like an officer; ha' to thee, lad!

BAPTISTA: How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?

GREMIO: Believe me, sir, they butt together well.

BIANCA: Head, and butt! an hasty-witted body Would say your head and butt were head and horn.

VINCENTIO: Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken'd you?

BIANCA: Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I'll sleep again.

PETRUCHIO: Nay, that you shall not: since you have begun, Have at you for a bitter jest or two!

BIANCA: Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush; And then pursue me as you draw your bow. You are welcome all.

PETRUCHIO: She hath prevented me. Here, Signior Tranio. This bird you aim'd at, though you hit her not; Therefore a health to all that shot and miss'd.

TRANIO: O, sir, Lucentio slipp'd me like his greyhound, Which runs himself and catches for his master.

PETRUCHIO: A good swift simile, but something currish.

TRANIO: 'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself: 'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.

BAPTISTA: O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.

LUCENTIO: I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.

HORTENSIO: Confess, confess, hath he not hit you here?

PETRUCHIO: A' has a little gall'd me, I confess; And, as the jest did glance away from me, 'Tis ten to one it maim'd you two outright.

BAPTISTA: Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio, I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.

PETRUCHIO: Well, I say no: and therefore for assurance Let's each one send unto his wife; And he whose wife is most obedient To come at first when he doth send for her, Shall win the wager which we will propose.

HORTENSIO: Content. What is the wager?

LUCENTIO: Twenty crowns.

PETRUCHIO: Twenty crowns! I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound, But twenty times so much upon my wife.

LUCENTIO: A hundred then.

HORTENSIO: Content.

PETRUCHIO: A match! 'tis done.

HORTENSIO: Who shall begin?

LUCENTIO: That will I. Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.

BIONDELLO: I go.

BAPTISTA: Son, I'll be your half, Bianca comes.

LUCENTIO: I'll have no halves; I'll bear it all myself. How now! what news?

BIONDELLO: Sir, my mistress sends you word That she is busy and she cannot come.