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TRANIO: Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant?
VINCENTIO: What am I, sir! nay, what are you, sir? O immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet! a velvet hose! a scarlet cloak! and a copatain hat! O, I am undone! I am undone! while I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at the university.
TRANIO: How now! what's the matter?
BAPTISTA: What, is the man lunatic?
TRANIO: Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by your habit, but your words show you a madman. Why, sir, what 'cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.
VINCENTIO: Thy father! O villain! he is a sailmaker in Bergamo.
BAPTISTA: You mistake, sir, you mistake, sir. Pray, what do you think is his name?
VINCENTIO: His name! as if I knew not his name: I have brought him up ever since he was three years old, and his name is Tranio.
Pedant: Away, away, mad ass! his name is Lucentio and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands of me, Signior Vincentio.
VINCENTIO: Lucentio! O, he hath murdered his master! Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the duke's name. O, my son, my son! Tell me, thou villain, where is my son Lucentio?
TRANIO: Call forth an officer. Carry this mad knave to the gaol. Father Baptista, I charge you see that he be forthcoming.
VINCENTIO: Carry me to the gaol!
GREMIO: Stay, officer: he shall not go to prison.
BAPTISTA: Talk not, Signior Gremio: I say he shall go to prison.
GREMIO: Take heed, Signior Baptista, lest you be cony-catched in this business: I dare swear this is the right Vincentio.
Pedant: Swear, if thou darest.
GREMIO: Nay, I dare not swear it.
TRANIO: Then thou wert best say that I am not Lucentio.
GREMIO: Yes, I know thee to be Signior Lucentio.
BAPTISTA: Away with the dotard! to the gaol with him!
VINCENTIO: Thus strangers may be hailed and abused: O monstrous villain!
BIONDELLO: O! we are spoiled and--yonder he is: deny him, forswear him, or else we are all undone.
LUCENTIO:
VINCENTIO: Lives my sweet son?
BIANCA: Pardon, dear father.
BAPTISTA: How hast thou offended? Where is Lucentio?
LUCENTIO: Here's Lucentio, Right son to the right Vincentio; That have by marriage made thy daughter mine, While counterfeit supposes bleared thine eyne.
GREMIO: Here's packing, with a witness to deceive us all!
VINCENTIO: Where is that damned villain Tranio, That faced and braved me in this matter so?
BAPTISTA: Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio?
BIANCA: Cambio is changed into Lucentio.
LUCENTIO: Love wrought these miracles. Bianca's love Made me exchange my state with Tranio, While he did bear my countenance in the town; And happily I have arrived at the last Unto the wished haven of my bliss. What Tranio did, myself enforced him to; Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake.
VINCENTIO: I'll slit the villain's nose, that would have sent me to the gaol.
BAPTISTA: But do you hear, sir? have you married my daughter without asking my good will?
VINCENTIO: Fear not, Baptista; we will content you, go to: but I will in, to be revenged for this villany.
BAPTISTA: And I, to sound the depth of this knavery.
LUCENTIO: Look not pale, Bianca; thy father will not frown.
GREMIO: My cake is dough; but I'll in among the rest, Out of hope of all, but my share of the feast.
KATHARINA: Husband, let's follow, to see the end of this ado.
PETRUCHIO: First kiss me, Kate, and we will.
KATHARINA: What, in the midst of the street?
PETRUCHIO: What, art thou ashamed of me?
KATHARINA: No, sir, God forbid; but ashamed to kiss.
PETRUCHIO: Why, then let's home again. Come, sirrah, let's away.
KATHARINA: Nay, I will give thee a kiss: now pray thee, love, stay.
PETRUCHIO: Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate: Better once than never, for never too late.
LUCENTIO: At last, though long, our jarring notes agree: And time it is, when raging war is done, To smile at scapes and perils overblown. My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome, While I with self-same kindness welcome thine. Brother Petruchio, sister Katharina, And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow, Feast with the best, and welcome to my house: My banquet is to close our stomachs up, After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down; For now we sit to chat as well as eat.
PETRUCHIO: Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!
BAPTISTA: Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.
PETRUCHIO: Padua affords nothing but what is kind.
HORTENSIO: For both our sakes, I would that word were true.
PETRUCHIO: Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.
Widow: Then never trust me, if I be afeard.
PETRUCHIO: You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense: I mean, Hortensio is afeard of you.
Widow: He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
PETRUCHIO: Roundly replied.
KATHARINA: Mistress, how mean you that?
Widow: Thus I conceive by him.
PETRUCHIO: Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?
HORTENSIO: My widow says, thus she conceives her tale.
PETRUCHIO: Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.
KATHARINA: 'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round:' I pray you, tell me what you meant by that.
Widow: Your husband, being troubled with a shrew, Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe: And now you know my meaning,
KATHARINA: A very mean meaning.
Widow: Right, I mean you.
KATHARINA: And I am mean indeed, respecting you.
PETRUCHIO: To her, Kate!
HORTENSIO: To her, widow!
PETRUCHIO: A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.
HORTENSIO: That's my office.
PETRUCHIO: Spoke like an officer; ha' to thee, lad!
BAPTISTA: How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?
GREMIO: Believe me, sir, they butt together well.
BIANCA: Head, and butt! an hasty-witted body Would say your head and butt were head and horn.
VINCENTIO: Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken'd you?
BIANCA: Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I'll sleep again.
PETRUCHIO: Nay, that you shall not: since you have begun, Have at you for a bitter jest or two!
BIANCA: Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush; And then pursue me as you draw your bow. You are welcome all.
PETRUCHIO: She hath prevented me. Here, Signior Tranio. This bird you aim'd at, though you hit her not; Therefore a health to all that shot and miss'd.
TRANIO: O, sir, Lucentio slipp'd me like his greyhound, Which runs himself and catches for his master.
PETRUCHIO: A good swift simile, but something currish.
TRANIO: 'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself: 'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.
BAPTISTA: O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.
LUCENTIO: I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.
HORTENSIO: Confess, confess, hath he not hit you here?
PETRUCHIO: A' has a little gall'd me, I confess; And, as the jest did glance away from me, 'Tis ten to one it maim'd you two outright.
BAPTISTA: Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio, I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.
PETRUCHIO: Well, I say no: and therefore for assurance Let's each one send unto his wife; And he whose wife is most obedient To come at first when he doth send for her, Shall win the wager which we will propose.
HORTENSIO: Content. What is the wager?
LUCENTIO: Twenty crowns.
PETRUCHIO: Twenty crowns! I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound, But twenty times so much upon my wife.
LUCENTIO: A hundred then.
HORTENSIO: Content.
PETRUCHIO: A match! 'tis done.
HORTENSIO: Who shall begin?
LUCENTIO: That will I. Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.
BIONDELLO: I go.
BAPTISTA: Son, I'll be your half, Bianca comes.
LUCENTIO: I'll have no halves; I'll bear it all myself. How now! what news?
BIONDELLO: Sir, my mistress sends you word That she is busy and she cannot come.