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t3_2oukwt | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Today, I (19m) found out my girlfriend (17f) lied about her age.
POST: She's actually 16. We met online and her profile said 16. But shortly after knowing her a while, we decided to go out, and her birthday was two weeks after mine. On her birthday, she turned "17".
7 months later, some psychotic girl told me that she's 15. I replied saying she's actually 17 and when my girlfriend saw this, she told me to block her and to not talk to her. I didn't think much on it because this girl likes to starts problems. But shortly after, my girlfriend told me the truth about her age. She's really 16, and she lied about her age at first, and when we started liking each other a lot more, she could never tell me her actual age because she was afraid I'd dump her in a heartbeat.
Honestly, I'm not really mad. Just a little shocked knowing she's a year younger. I still love her just the same but she's freaking out and is really sorry. I told her I wasn't mad or anything. But she now thinks she's a high risk for me because of our age.
She now can't sleep and is stressed out to a point where she's crying. Apparently she's been dealing with a lot of shit lately (finals at school, tonsils removed and her meds aren't working to ease the pain, ex boyfriend sending early Christmas presents, people butting into our relationship, etc.)
Is there any way I can make her feel little better. I already told her I'm not mad. What else can I do?
TL;DR: | my girlfriend lied about her age, im not mad, she's stressed out now with lots of things going on, and I want to help her feel better. |
t3_4jn7mb | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Though I like where we are, I (26/f) don't want him (43/m) to get the wrong idea.
POST: I've been working with and playing music with him for a while now and we have recently started hanging out outside of music and work...more recently have gone out on a few dates. It's been great; we always have a great time, we've been keeping work and outside life separate, and it's been nice having him as a cuddle buddy (no, nothing more than that though kisses have been stolen).
The issue comes where last time that we were out he started giving me the googly eyes when I "wasn't looking" (not oogling eyes, but squishy-feels eyes), and I know that whatever this is has already negatively affected a friendship of his, misplaced jealousy being the cause. To top it off, I can feel my interest in him only growing. I just don't want anything to change. All in all, I know I'm not ready for anything like this to progress. I'm still struggling with some residual heartache and my life is in a transitional stage; I'm too distracted and can't afford the distractions. I really don't want to lose the projects we have going or the awkward date things. I just know my heart's not ready for anything of the sort *right now* and I don't want to tangle his heart strings because of my own bullshit. Maybe if we could keep it comfy casual but I don't know how realistic or fair that is
TL;DR: | Do I tell him outright we aren't going any further along with details and risk making everything terribly uncomfortable or do I just begin distancing myself? |
t3_ochbg | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How long do you spend interested in someone for a relationship? When is the threshold to move on?
POST: Dear Reddit,
I'm currently an 18-year-old male with a developed interest in a girl for roughly two years now. We've went out a couple of times with groups of friends and alone as well and I've gotten to know her quite well. Amongst these events, there were subtle skinships and hints between us; at least to what I analyzed. Having graduated high school, some rough events happened between one of my friends and I, who didn't know we liked the same girl and shook the relationships, so I wasn't able to ask her out. This happened right before post-secondary education, as my interest and I separated ways to a three-hour time zone difference. We still chatted through means of technology, keeping in touch with each other as I sustained my attraction. Lately, this Christmas holiday, we got together again frequently and I've noticed that she's changed: becoming more shy, sensitive to touch and individualistic. Upon the beginning of the new term, I've found a time where I'm on a long break right before Valentines and booked a visit to see some friends; coincidentally at the same university that she goes to. Seeing this as an opportunity, I was thinking of asking her out, but I'm questioning whether the mutual attraction will still be there or not. Have I waited too long for something to happen? (Two years).
TL;DR: | Liked girl for two years now, thought we had mutual attraction, time went by and am confused whether the time and distance would sustain attraction or not. Questioning if I missed my chance by letting time pass by too long. |
t3_36n9my | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [33 F] with my Ex [38 M] 1.5 years. Am I just a romantic, or does anyone believe in "choosing" to love anymore or is all just based on how you feel?
POST: I don't want to be long and I'm not going to go into the nitty-gritty details, as I don't feel it is particularly necessary for my question. It's a simple question: am I incorrect that I believe there are points in a relationship that you "choose" to love someone; you don't always "feel" like it? That isn't to say those feelings don't come back. Everyone has "off" times. When I feel depressed, I make a choice to find a way to be happy in some way each day, even though I don't feel like it. I "fake" it for a while, but then one day I realize I really do "feel" happy again. I have always believed it worked the same for relationships.
To provide a little background, this is the second time my ex broke up with me because, while we mesh and get along very well, and work together great, and yes, he "loves" me...he just doesn't "feel" it. Does anyone make a choice to continue to love someone anymore? Or is everyone just out for the "feels"? Am I incorrect in my thinking because on the days I don't feel like it, I make the choice to continue to love them and commit to them?
I don't know - maybe some of you have relationships where you "feel" like it all the time. I haven't experienced it yet - is this what we are "supposed" to be working for?
TL;DR: | Apparently I don't get relationships. Does anyone base relationships on their choice to love and commit to a person or is it all based upon feelings now? |
t3_14bd30 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: She [23f] told me [25m] we may have had someone else's abortion.
POST: We hooked up with each other and other people before we started dating. Early in the relationship condoms and birth control failed and we had an abortion.
About two years later we're together but now long distance, and last month I visited her. There, she tells me she hooked up with someone right before we became serious in a less than safe manner and it may have not been my pregnancy (and dealing with that ain't cheap). I felt that as we weren't together at the time I had no right to be mad, but the notion that it was someone else's and that it was hidden from me over all the heartbreak really fucked with me. Everything went on ice immediately and I left at the end of the weekend in a huge cloud of awkward.
She's coming to visit me in four days and I don't know if I can deal with it.
TL;DR: | Learned way after the fact I may have covered someone else's abortion, not sure I can make eye contact with my girlfriend. |
t3_1u3vay | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My boyfriend (26m) and I(21f) have drunkenly decided to break up the past two nights.
POST: Sorry if this doesn't flow very well, I'm on my cell phone.
We have been together for two years and have always been open about everything. I have always known he doesn't want children and he has always known that I do want children. However, I don't want children for another ten plus years. So we decided to stay together until then. Being that we're so young, the chances of us staying together that long are slim. I would never press him to change his mind because I do not want him resenting me, our children, or himself.
Two nights ago we were drinking at home and he told me that he feels like we have no future, naturally, I understand. We decided we still want to stay together, but he wants to be in an open relationship. We've talked about it before, we both think it would be fun/beneficial. I know that right now I can't emotionally handle it though. I'm pretty confident in myself but I'm still a jealous girlfriend. Not overly jealous, but I mean I still have feels. He wants to start the open relationship now because he feels like he's just going to get older and unattractive. He said he understood how I felt and would be patient with me. So we're not rushing into anything.
We both love each other very much, we're each others best friend. But it has been awkward since then and I feel like he's unhappy or weary.
Any advice that you guys can share with me? Will it only get worse from here?
TL;DR: | my wonderful relationship of two years is starting to crumple over a disagreeance regarding children. Something that shouldn't be a problem for ten plus years. Are we just kicking a dead horse? |
t3_2uavn7 | SUBREDDIT: r/running
TITLE: The plague of ITBS
POST: Hi all. I got hit with ITBS in my right leg while training for a half marathon in October. It was a bummer, but I accepted that I was probably pushing it too much in terms of mileage, not doing the rights things in terms of stretching+conditioning, etc. etc.
I essentially took off from running from November through January after seeing a sports medicine doctor, while also doing a lot of cross-training, Theraband exercises, and foam rolling.
As of this past week, I've started to train for a marathon in May. First few runs went great, but during a very casual jog yesterday the ITBS in my right leg flared up in full force. **Not only that, it felt just as painful as it did in October**. I'm feeling despondent about this right now. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to overcome this injury? I've done a lot of research already, but at this point I'm willing to try just about anything.
TL;DR: | I was diagnosed with ITBS this past October, took time off and tried to deal with it, it's come back now and I have no clue what to do |
t3_36d5gs | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My husband [M30] might've done something unsavory with my best friend's [F27] underwear.
POST: It's a long weekend here in Canada, so last night my husband [M30] and I [F27] had my best friend Megan [F27] over for a BBQ & a hot-tub. After dinner, Megan used our bathroom to change into her swimsuit. I waited for her, and when she opened the door I saw her clothes folded in a pile on the bathroom counter.
We got in the hot-tub and my husband joined us about 10 minutes after. We stayed in for about an hour, then came inside and watched a movie, still in our towels and bathing suits. Megan & I must've fallen asleep on the couch halfway through the movie - I vaguely remember waking up around midnight to my husband covering us both with blankets.
Around 2AM, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I noted that my husband was still awake, as the light in his office was on. This in itself wasn't usual - on the weekends he's a night-owl.
At 6AM, I woke up again VERY dehydrated. This usually happens when I have too much to drink. I went to the bathroom to get a glass of water, and this time Megan's teal booty shorts were on the top of her pile of clothes. I am 100% certain they were NOT on the top of the clothes pile when I went to the bathroom at 2AM.
My husband has a thing for panties. When we have sex, sometimes he'll grab the panties I was just wearing, hold them to his nose and inhale deeply. Given the timeline, I think my husband took her panties into his office, masturbated with them, then replaced them. Right now, all I can say for certain is he moved them.
Megan woke up and left 20 minutes ago. My husband is passed out snoring in our bed. I am just sitting here at a loss, thinking WTF I should say when he gets up. This is the first time anything like this has happened. We have had zero problems with infidelity in our relationship. We've been together 6 years, married for 2 years.
TL;DR: | Pretty sure my husband [M30] took my best friend's [F27] underwear and masturbated to/with them. |
t3_ute8t | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Consistently, one of my roommates will ask another roommate a question and the answer they get is completely beside the point.
POST: Example:
Its as if I asked, "How's the weather?"
And you replied, "There are puddles on the ground"
oookk... sure it's related to the topic of weather but that doesn't really answer my question.
This happens all the time to me with them. Whether it's my conversation or I'm listening to their conversations I constantly notice these strange events. It's as if they're stupid or something but I refuse to believe that.
Example of a conversation my roommates had that I overheard:
Matt: "the fitness plan says we are supposed to eat 3 times a day within 8 hour periods"
Katt: "How is that different from what we are already doing?"
Matt: "Well by keeping food within 8 hour periods we should be stabilizing our metabolism"
This conversation angered and frustrated me because the meaning of Katt's question seems to have been completely disregarded. Matt's appropriate response should have compared the similarities to their previous meal plan and the one he was suggesting. They are already eating within 8 hour periods a day, that's what Katt was saying.
TL;DR: | The people around me don't seem to fully comprehend the intention of questions often asked to them. Am I right to feel frustrated with them? |
t3_4upq6x | SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by going to the emergency room.
POST: So, after reading [this fuck up] I knew I had to post mine.
Back in March, I woke up on a beautiful Saturday morning to a terrible stomach ache. After a couple of hours, it was almost unbearable. I called the hospital and they told me since the pain seemed like appendicitis, I should treat it as an emergency and come in, so I did.
I shouldn't have.
After being poked with IV's, having several blood tests done, a CT scan, and the rest of my day being spent in the hospital, the doctor came in with the results.
I had to poop. That was all. I've received over $7,000 in hospital bills because I had to take a shit. I could have easily bought a cheap over the counter medicine. I don't think I'm ever going to the hospital again.
TL;DR: | Went to the hospital thinking I had appendicitis, just had to take a shit. I'm still getting hospital bills. |
t3_12eey2 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [20F] have been on 2 dates with a Chinese guy [20M] who speaks English as his second language. He told me he loves me after the second date. Advice?
POST: So we have been on two dates and everything is looking great, due for a third tomorrow. However tonight as he was going to bed he told me he was in love with me and he loved this feeling. He only moved to this country (Australia) around 2 months ago so his English isn't perfect, ergo I think he might have just been trying to say "I really like you," but it came out wrong. The feeling he is talking about might be the honeymoon phase. My question is; how do I determine whether he actually believes he is in love with me after just 2 dates, or if this is just an awkward language/cultural translation and he doesn't actually mean it this way?
TL;DR: | Chinese guy tells me he loves me, I think (hope) he mistranslated. What should I do? |
t3_2bd30p | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M/] with my girlfriend [22 F] of a few months, I'm having trouble accepting her sexual past. All the guys she has been with? How do I get over this?
POST: My girlfriend and I were FWB for about 2 months, and recently started dating. I got out of an emotionally / mentally abusive relationship with an ex girlfriend. She helped me through it all, and talked to me about everything. We became really good friends during our FWB deal. But she is only my second sexual partner, aside of my ex girlfriend, she has had 10 before me, leaving me to be number 11. For some reason I have always been really against having a girlfriend with this many sexual partners, but she is really awesome, mentally stable, supportive, makes good money, her family is awesome, she is everything I want in an emotional partner, but when I start thinking of all the guys she has been with I get a nervous / disgusted / insecure / angry feeling. I know this isn't healthy for a relationship, And I want to fix it, but there are just some things that stick out in my mind all the time, and nag, and harp on me, like the fact she got an abortion 3 years ago, or all the sexual activities she has done. Or how she tells me her ex boyfriend used to "fuck her brains out". We're a really open couple and talk about all this stuff, but I just get bothered by it all, I know jealousy can be fatally toxic in a relationship, and I really don't want my insecurities to take a toll. Shes told me before I'm the only guy she could imagine a future with and it doesn't scare her to think of it, and she says I make her happier than anyone ever has, and how I have changed her life and turned it around, and its all good to hear, but my insecurities always come back to mind. How can I get over this? How do I accept her past, and either ignore it, or forget about it?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend has had more sexual partners than me, it makes me insecure and I feel bothered / annoying / angry because of it. How do I fix this? |
t3_1c7wm3 | SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Need help. What am I doing wrong?
POST: Hey there. I've been out of work for many months, living with my parents. I have applied to a ridiculous number of positions near my home, or on campus but have yet to receive any real offers.
Background: Full time 3rd year computer science student. I don't have a car. Bus to school. My grades for CS are very good (around 3.8), but overall 2.9 GPA (I partied way too much during my gen eds). Have had many jobs in the past, but have never really left a good impression. Been fired from several jobs for non-serious, yet legit reasons (being late a few times, making a mistake on a credit card receipt). Basically, I have almost no acceptable work references, nearly nothing useful to put on a resume, and I can only really work within a 5 mile radius of my house, or on campus because of a lack of transportation.
What I'm looking for: Literally anything that isn't fast food. I have been turned down by everyone from CS internships to gas stations. My parents are pretty poor, and they don't like me living with them because I stopped going to their church, and they have essentially given me an ultimatum to leave their house. Awesome.
TL;DR: | College student. Must get a job or be kicked out by my parents. Have terrible work history, decent grades, no solid references, and can only work locally or on campus because no car. |
t3_bee6o | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Question about Prednisone and Seroquel
POST: So long story but my girlfriends mom got prescribed way too much prednisone for a rash and it set off this crazy series of manic behaviors (she was doing stuff like leaving messages on her machine that was just her going, "They're playing hells bells on the radio.....AWESOME".)
Her dad told her that they put her on Seroquel to help get over the effects andthat it wan't bipolar disorder, but there's a history of bipolar disorder. I don't want to stir the pot, and an I'm only an EMT and all I know is that Seroquel is a serious antipsychotic and it's a good sign your patient has mental health problems. I don't know if I believe that they would prescribe Seroquel to just level someone off a heavy dose of prednisone. Any MD's know if Seroquel can be used like this off label?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend's Dad said her mom's erratic behavior is because of too much prednisone and now her mom is on Seroquel supposedly to level her off. Plausible story? |
t3_4j5fr3 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (31M) saw my wife (26F) on cam and have no idea what to do.
POST: I am crushed and mad as hell at the same time and don't know what to do. I work nights in a warehouse and sometimes it gets really boring and tonight I decided to check out a cam girl site that I've been checking on and off for about a year. I was just scrolling through the first page and I see my fucking wife fingering herself on CAM WTF!!!!! She's completely naked and showing her entire body in our guest bedroom in the basement. I am completely mortified, what if a family member or a friend sees her on that fucking site.
I don't know how to confront her, if I tell her I saw her on that site she will be pissed and turn it back around on me. The only reason she knows about that site is because she caught me on it a year ago and I swore I would never get on it again. I cant lie and say my friend saw her on it cuz she knows all my friends and it will make things really weird.
What makes me even more confused and crushed is that I never thought she could do this. She wont even get intimate with me with the lights on because she's insecure about her body.
Please help!!!!!!!!!! I cant talk to anyone else about this obviously. BTW I'm 31 and she's 26, we've been married 4 years. Also this is a throw away account incase it matters.
TL;DR: | My wife is a cam girl behind my back and I need to know how to confront her without her using it against me because I was on the cam site. |
t3_n3cv1 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Reddit, any advice for three college girls living with an 80 year woman on how to handle this delicate situation?
POST: So for various reasons I had to find an apartment this year on short notice and ended up signing a lease for a room in a 4 bedroom apartment with strangers. When I first moved in, 2 other girls in their early twenties were living in the other two rooms on the second floor, where my room also is. About a week after I moved in, an 80 year old woman moved into the room on the first floor. Considering I live in an almost exclusively college-aged building and neighborhood, this was a little weird and unexpected, but not really a huge deal.
The problem, unfortunately, is that she is incontinent and smells strongly of urine. To compound matters, she has basically turned the entire living room into an extension of her bedroom and spends all day sitting in there. When I accidentally made the mistake of sitting of "her" coach, I quickly found the entire cushion was soaked through. The smell permeates the entire first floor of our apartment. Initially we tried to address this by leaving air fresheners all over the first floor and keeping the windows open. While this didn't completely mask the smell, it helped enough that we could at least go downstairs. Now that it's winter in Wisconsin, we've had to close our windows and the smell is unbearable. It's gotten to the point where we hardly ever use the kitchen or living room, and can basically never have people over.
My other roommates and I have decided we need to finally find some way to address this with her but have no idea how to bring it up. On the few occasions where we've tried to talk about other concerns with her (such as leaving half eaten meat and dairy products in our dish cabinet for days on end) she became very hostile and defensive. I know there are some things you just can't control as you age and I want to be sensitive of her situation, but the rest of us are paying rent too and have been forced into a fairly impossible living situation.
Reddit, is it really possible she doesn't already know about this? Whether she does or doesn't, how could you ever go about bringing this up to someone? I feel really uncomfortable about potentially embarrassing her and would greatly appreciate any advice you can give!
TL;DR: | Elderly woman lives in our apartment and is incontinent. The entire apartment smell like urine. Is there any way to sensitively bring this up or fix the problem? |
t3_3341kx | SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Venting about grill troubles. Advise?
POST: I know I don't need a girlfriend, but gosh darn dang I sure do want one. I'm not very picky on looks, but I am on personality/interest. I've only had strong enough feelings for a girl once to ask her out and it was a girl I had been friends with on and off from elementary school to now first year of college. I started liking her romantically junior year some time but I didn't let on or ask her to prom because I'm a dumb. I finally asked her out to lunch recently and although it was kinda akward I thought it went well. I asked her on a second date and she said she'll text me when she's in town again. Then like a week later I check facebook out of bordum and she had just put up that she's in a relationship with another guy. I haven't said anything to her since then and neither has she. I kinda prepared myself for something like that to happen but it still bothers me more than I would like. I guess it would since it's the first time I tried dating someone and it ended badly after seeming like it would lead somewhere. I tried stuff like Okcupid, but most everyone on there is weird or something, exspecially since I'm from Georgia.
TL;DR: | First time I ask someone on a date at age 19 and it goes from promising to failure. Shit sucks, brah. |
t3_2ljco8 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17F] confused about my feelings for my Boyfriend[17 M] and relationship of 2.5 years
POST: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years, He has been my first everything and he is very dear to my heart. I truly do love him.
We're both in our last year of high school and I have been feeling very sad/ confused/ fed up. I have been feeling very confused about whats going to happen to us. I haven`t been 100% happy with our relationship for a couple of months but I do still love him. I feel like the relationship is starting to feel like an old married couple. I do kinda wonder what it would be like to be single, but my heart hurts when I think about losing him in my life or potentially seeing him with another girl.
I started to get angry with him over little things that I would have not gotten angry about before. Things like not texting me "good morning" every morning, or when he falls asleep when we cuddle etc. I do feel quite bad when I do get angry at him for little things like that, but I have no clue where this anger is coming from and it feels so real.
I do tend to have some pessimistic/ depressive thoughts and I do suffer with anxiety. And losing my boyfriend tends to flair up my anxiety quite a bit.
Thanks for the help!
TL;DR: | Girl confused about whether to stay in relationship with boyfriend when she still loves him to death, but is really bored with it. |
t3_439zl1 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (26F) Maid of Honor (26F) has hurt my feelings repeatedly and I'm not sure how to ask her to step down.
POST: So, my best friend and I are both engaged. I've been dating my fiancé for three+ years and have known him my whole life; she has known her fiancé for about 7mths. This is mildly important later on.
Her and I have had some problems, basically her putting guys ahead of me (cancelling plans, never responds, not setting boundaries, letting her guys talk to me negatively, etc). Since we both got engaged, I honestly didn't know if I wanted her as my MoH because we seem to be growing apart and her fiancé has been so negative towards me and my fiancé. But she has been my best friend for 10 years and I consider her and her family MY family. I wouldn't know who else could fill her role.
I view her fiancé as very controlling, which is a completely different topic- but as a result I hardly talk to her/see her. Since they began dating I've only seen her once alone, and she was on her phone with him nearly the whole time.
She hasn't been involved in my wedding planning at all, nor has asked about it. Her wedding isn't going to be for another year and a half- so she doesn't want to start planning yet even though I make sure to ask if she needs anything (she also asked me to be her MOH).
I bought my dress yesterday and sent her a picture. I was very self conscious about the fit in the tummy- but my aunt and mom assured me that it only looked that way because of it being cinched to stay up. And I plan on losing some weight and wearing spanx. Instead of telling me I looked nice, or anything positive- she basically mirrored all my self criticisms and added "I hope your ordered a bigger size". Then the conversation moved to her wedding and her life again. All of the joy I felt about finding my dress was squished by her negative comment.
A lot of other stuff has happened to make me reconsider her place in this wedding, but this is already stupid long. Has anyone else had this issue, and how did you handle it tactfully?
TL;DR: | Best friend and Maid of Honor hasn't been a good friend. I'm considering asking her to step down, and possibly cutting her out of my life. |
t3_pec4f | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I break up with her to avoid possibly hurting her?
POST: So I've been with my girlfriend for over three months now, but we've been liking each other since around July. I'm a senior in high school, and she's a junior. I'm planning on moving away to San Fransisco for college after summer. (I live close to L.A., it's about 5 hrs away) she's a really sweet, innocent girl, my closest friend, best girlfriend I've ever had, and I'm her second boyfriend, ever. I really like her,(not too sure if I love her, I've wanted to say it a couple times but try to avoid it) but I'm not sure if we can make it through a long distance relationship. How I see it, there's two options: stay together and try against the odds, or break up with her to avoid any stronger hurt feelings. What do you think?
TL;DR: | I'm moving far away in a couple months, should I try a long distance relationship, or break it off before it gets too strong? |
t3_44xgjg | SUBREDDIT: r/running
TITLE: half-marathon
POST: hello /running/
i've been running for around two months time now, a couple of days a week (2-4 times). the last two weeks i've run 4-5 km each run. this has been done purely as a hobby (plus it's supposedly good you), and i've done no reading/researching until a couple of days ago. now i've given myself the idea, that i want to complete a half-marathon. i'm going traveling start-july, so i have about 5 months; is training for a half-marathon doable (and adviseable) in this amount of time? i have looked at a couple of training schedules online, but i'm confused as to whether they assume i've completed previous schedules (e.g. 5k, 10k training schedules) (which i haven't), or if there are ones that start at my current level of fitness/running capeabilities. if so, what training programs would /running/ recommend? i wouldn't want to injure myself by progressing too quickly.
TL;DR: | is (semi)couch to half marathon in 5 months do- and adviseable, with no previous races run? |
t3_ilw1j | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Would you rather be a farmer or a programmer?
POST: True story. I'm a young (18 years old) person facing this almost laughable decision.
I'm a student with definitely above average marks who's going to go study mathematics at university. I also love programming and have been learning programming by myself since I was 13 or so. My objective would be to either do research, or do some interesting and well-paid job at a IT/software company.
Now, on the other side. My father is a farmer and he would like to see me continue its job. He already owns everything I would need: The fields, the machinery, some forests...
I live in Spain, which hasn't any big IT/software/research companies. I've been thinking about potentially emigrating but that's a whole different matter. I don't even know if I'm as valuable as I believe...
On the farmer side, I'm worried about the energy crisis... I've potentially got 60 years more to live and lots of things can happen to me and my loved ones. Peak oil, global warming, population growth, population ageing... all of those things are happening and I fear the possibility of a huge crash. What's obvious is that things must change. What's debatable is by how much.
I think I can do both while I'm at university. But after I finish I don't think they may be compatible. Perhaps I'll have a clearer idea by then...
There's so much uncertainty and so many possible regrets. So reddit, did someone have a similar experience? Am I missing anything here?
TL;DR: | Young student faced with deciding whatever he should be a farmer or a programmer/mathematician. Fears crap job and energy/population crisis. Needs help deciding. |
t3_1k5j9c | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I think I have separation anxiety? M&F 19-20 together for 2 years.
POST: I [19F] think I have separation issues.
Whenever my bf [M20] leaves for work or to go back home I start to feel very sad. I get tired, depressed, and I just kinda loose interest in everything.
It starts to happen about a hour before I know he is leaving. I wasn't always like this though. We have been together for 2 years, and I've only started this the last year.
The only medication of any kind I'm on is birth control. I do have stress issues, I have a bit of a tragic background. He came into my life at a shakey time and made things better for me.
Does this sound familiar? I don't think I should be that sad. He knows I get sad too, and I feel bad. I know its okay to miss him, but once he is gone for maybe 1 week & 1/2 I tend to just stay in my room and sleep.
Any ideas what is up with this?
TL;DR: | I think I have separation issues with my boyfriend. When he leaves I get sad, the longer he is gone the deeper I slip into depression. What is this? |
t3_48vz99 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25 M] made my GF [25 F] of 9 months feel like I think she's an idiot. How can I avoid doing it again?
POST: For her studies, my GF is doing a project in which a lot of the work is in my area of expertise. As you might expect, she's been asking me for help a lot, and I've been trying to help as much as I can.
Unfortunately a lot of the time I don't really enjoy helping her all that much. I sometimes feel like she doesn't really understand what she's doing, and is just putting things together in a way that works without understanding why it works. I'll readily admit that I have some (unwanted) elitist attitudes when it comes to my field. I wish I didn't but I do, and they make it harder for me to help her.
In any case, today she was telling me how it wasn't possible for her to do something, and without really thinking I replied something along the lines of "of course you can do that, all you have to do is this other thing". Usually you would be able to do the thing she wanted to do, but in her particular case, she was correct that you can't do it.
She later told me that the way I responded really made her sad, that it made her feel like I thought she was an idiot. Of course I didn't want to make her feel that way, but I guess my response really projected that attitude. Instead of assuming that she had done her research, and thinking for 2 seconds about what she was telling me, I assumed that she was missing something really basic and was just wrong.
How can I change my own thinking to be less judgmental and more supportive of my SO?
TL;DR: | GF is asking for help in a project in my field a lot, and I feel like she doesn't understand what she's doing. How can I be less judgmental and more supportive? |
t3_eb5v1 | SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Following my passion: working with the forefather of a field (x-post from AskReddit)
POST: Alright Redditors, I need your help.
After spending the majority of my life interested in applying principles from my various studies to human interactions, I discovered a field that directly studies that interest. Basically, I found my passion on a chance video from ted.com (yay for the interweb).
First, I caught hold of a phrase in a video about advertising - Behavioral Economics. Then I researched it, read everything I could about it, contacted professors at local colleges, and even spoke to the forefather of it himself - Dan Ariely:
It's been a few months since we spoke, but I want to pursue a Ph D. in Behavioral Economics. I also want to continue my career. So, my questions/comments:
1) I believe that creativity and effort most often allow individuals to side step standard 'sacrifices' for what they want. You're welcome to say that it cannot be done or that I clearly don't want it enough if I won't give up my career, but realize that I'm only interested in solutions, not road blocks. I will read your comments but I won't bother arguing and it's unlikely to change my mind.
2) I want to perform a study of Behavioral Economics as it applies to my field, process automation. I have a pretty clear picture of the studies I would like to pursue, what I am seeking is advice on how best to present them to Dan to sell him and/or other behavioral economics professors into agreeing to allow me to pursue and publish remotely and/or as a part of my greater job function.
3) How to actually knock out prerequisites, work remotely from the institutions I want to be associated with (Dan is at Duke, I live in Houston and my research would be best carried out here)? have any of you heard of Ph. D's being granted to people doing research in industry? I've researched it and found examples, but I have no clear indicators whether it's feasible and/or common in Economics.
I'll be around until about noon CST if anyone has more detailed questions, I know I left a hell of a lot of detail out.
Thanks!
CD
TL;DR: | I have a chance to work with some of the smartest people in the world, help me close the deal, plan successfully, and execute on it. I promise I'll share the research with Reddit if I succeed at funding it. |
t3_345jy4 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21M] with my gf [20F]: Going on summer break.
POST: So I've been seeing this girl for about a month in college now. I know it's still early but we've been pretty close over this time. Anyway, our summer plans do not take us anywhere close to each other so we're deciding not to "date," saying how we'll see each other in 4 months when school starts back up. We still said we want to keep in touch as well.
My question is, how should my mentality be for this. I really like this girl. We've both kind of said we'd basically wait and pick back up where we left off when school starts, but a lot can happen in 4 months. Just any advice really is appreciated.
TL;DR: | Infatuated with girl I've been seeing for a month, won't see her for 4. How should my mentality be for this. |
t3_3e9wl8 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] just broke up with my GF [19 F] of close to three years, thought I knew why but now I feel unsure
POST: A few months ago I began feeling doubts our relationship. I was getting interested in dating other people and the thought of being with some us felt appealing. I felt bad staying in a relationship I wasn't fully committed to so I explained it to her and we broke up.
We decided to take a break from each other, no talking or being with each other for a few weeks but we thought eventually we might try to become friends again.
A few weeks after the initial break up we remember we had pretty nice concert tickets we had bought a few months prior to all this happening, we didn't want them to go to waste so we decided to go as friends.
We ended up hooking up the night of the concert and we decided we were going to try to work on the relationship and entered this gray area of kind of together. We hung out and talked and had sex but it still felt slightly different. About two weeks ago I started feeling like it wasn't going to work out. For the last week we barely talked or hung out. Then we sat down and talked it out and I ended it completely.
That was a week ago and ever since I've felt hollow and numb and depressed about the situation. Before when we broke up I think the idea of us possibly getting back together floated around my head but this seems so much more concrete and it feels weird knowing we might not ever be together again.
I just don't know if I selfishly made a terrible decision or what and didn't really have anyone else to talk to about it.
TL;DR: | Thought I wanted to break up with my GF. Did break up and now I feel miserable, don't know if I made the right choice. |
t3_uum12 | SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: Ended a long term long distance and just need someone to say it's okay.
POST: [x-post from r/relationships] (RANT) My boyfriend of 3+ years and I just broke it off...and I have no right to complain because I'm the one that ended it. But it's not like our relationship was bad...in fact it was wonderful, perfect, and everything I had ever wanted but we'd been long distance and I felt like I needed a change and all at once I just opened my mouth and told him I wasn't coming home that I wanted to stay and teach and travel and when he offered to come with me I just couldn't say yes I just couldn't because I've never been out on my own or just done something for myself and I ended it.
And now I just sit and think all the time about how I feel like I've made a huge mistake and I get so upset because I'm just alone. I'm not made to be alone. I'm a girlfriend it's who I am and now I'm without my other half and it's all so confusing because on the one hand I love him and I miss him and I just want to go home and say I'm sorry and go back to reality but on the other hand, I've got a chance to go out into the world and live the kind of life that other people look at and say 'wow I wish I was her' and I want that, I do, I want it badly.
I know this was just a ramble but basically what I'm asking for is for anyone else out there whose ever had a breakup from circumstance and not because a lack of love to tell me it'll be alright.
TL;DR: | I broke up with my long term long distance boyfriend that I still love to go find myself; feeling remorseful and looking for others with a similar story who got through it. |
t3_4cr6np | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] concerned about my sister's [21F] boyfriend(?) [32M] and his fiancee/her girlfriend(?) [26F?]
POST: My sister 21/f has lived for about two years with an engaged couple who I think are 32/m and 26/f from my snooping on Facebook and asking around. They've been engaged since this past fall and seem to be getting married in about a year from now. I'm concerned for her because she kind of acts like he's her boyfriend and his fiancee is her girlfriend or something?
They've been seen in public being really close to each other in every combination you can think of with him/his fiancee, him/my sister, my sister/his fiancee, and I actually saw her kiss his fiancee on the lips when the three of them were getting in their car leaving a restaurant in town around Easter, which is what made me finally decide to post this.
He's way too old for her, and her living with a couple like this is just super weird. Everyone in our family talks about her and how they think he's going to kick her out or something once he gets married. Also, she works basically part time at a retail store and he works doing something at home (she won't tell me anything other than "he works on the computer"), but apparently he's got the money to fix her car when it messes up and pay all of their bills, and that just seems like something he could hold over her head.
I don't really know what to do here because she won't listen to anybody, and I am very concerned for her.
TL;DR: | My sister 21/f moved in with 32/m and his fiancee 26/f, and they seem to have some kind of weird three-way relationship, but I'm afraid for her. |
t3_41w7sb | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28 M] with my partner [26 F] 5 years, I work on computer in day to make a living from home, she thinks its ok for her to sit on Facebook during this time.
POST: I work from home. 9am - 6pm. During this time I treat it like a job away from home. I'm a software engineer. So I ask her not to bug me to do housework, and as she doesn't work at the moment during the day time she could get some things done around the house.
Only fair right? I make our income, and whilst she's at home we agreed she would do most of the housework. Although I do help out.
Except she doesn't. During the time I'm working she will sit on Facebook on her phone. She may do a tiny bit of housework, but most remains undone.
Feel like walking out as I feel used. I don't find it fair that I bust my balls to get the things we need and she just scrolls through Facebook.
Am I right to be annoyed?
TL;DR: | I work 9 hours a day from home. My partner doesn't work, yet sits on her phone all day on Facebook. Do I have a right to be annoyed? |
t3_2e8ae1 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] and my ex [20 F] are dating again, but have some resentment issues
POST: So this girl and I dated for a little over a month and it was GREAT, we had a lot of chemistry, in bed and otherwise. And honestly I had never felt so connected to a previous gf right off the bat.
Issues surfaced because I decided to visit one of my best (female) friends in another city for valentines day. Keep in mind I bought the tickets before meeting the ex. I had let her know from the beginning and repeatedly asked her if she wanted me not to go (she said I should go). I also made several things to make up for it.
Travel day comes, and she decides to brake it off BC of jealousy issues and BC she is having "family problems". I felt blindsided because I felt I had done everything to avoid this, and felt like she encouraged me to go.
A few months later we start talking again and dating. The topic of the breakup comes up when I tell her I really resent her for what she did, to which she replies that I "screwed us up". Her reasoning being that i should have stayed instead even though I repeatedly told her I was willing to do that if she asked. I am honestly shocked that she could think that, am I truly at fault for not reading her mind? Or was I just really dense in not assuming that was what I should have done?
Now I don't know whether I should still try to work things out with this girl. I still really like her.
TL;DR: | Ex and I break up over me visiting a girl even though I offer to stay and she refuses. Few months later we date again and she still resents me because I should have known to stay in the first place. |
t3_272z4c | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (20F) SO (21M) of 4yrs moved 30hrs away without discussing it with me... am I overreacting for being upset?
POST: Okay so my SO and I have been in a relationship for 4yrs, he's great and I love him very much. We have always been able to communicate openly in our relationship, which is why we get along so well.
We both just finished our 3rd year of university. During 3rd year he was looking for a co-op placement for a 16 month term. We had discussed him possibly moving away to another city within our province, which would make it easy for us to drive/bus/train to visit each other frequently. He applied to many positions in our province, however he also applied to some out of province - without telling me.
As it turns out, the first job he gets an offer for is 30hrs away. They gave him around 24hrs to decide whether or not he was going to accept the job. That night we went to his parents house to discuss with them. His father told him he should accept it immediately, while his mother and I suggested he slept on it as he had other job interviews in the upcoming week in our city and other cities within the province. During this conversation, his father repeatedly shuts down any suggestions other than "Accept it!!".
Ultimately, without really sitting down and having a discussion about how this was going to work, he accepted the offer that night and that was that. When we talked about it later, he told me that he assumed that I would just pack up and move there with him - something that we had never discussed. He moved to the other province a month ago and won't be back home until fall of next year.
I understand that 16 months isn't the end of the world and that we are young and we both need to make decisions that will benefit our future and careers, but I can't help but feel upset that he did not include me in this huge decision. There's not much we can do about it now, but this has been really bothering me for the last few months.
Any advice on how to let this go or from anyone in a LDR would be appreciated!
TL;DR: | My (20F) SO (21M) of 4yrs moved to another province 30hrs away for a job without discussing it with me. How do I let it go and make our new LDR work. |
t3_cb4l1 | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: So, I've been phished -- now what?
POST: I was recently searching for a job and my aunt decided to "help me out" (by sending me over 9000 links a day to job postings). One of the links she sent me struck me (on first glance) as a local jobs-posting site. The frontpage seemed just to be a registration form. Seconds later (after hitting Submit), I realized that I'd just given a decent amount of my info (name, email, address, password that I use on a few websites, and quite possibly phone number) to...??
I'm still kind of pissed that my aunt would send me a fucking phishing site (and more importantly, that I'd trust, for even a few seconds, a website that she'd sent me). She, predictably, acted completely oblivious when I told her what'd happened.
Anyway: In the past few days, I've been receiving increasingly creepy emails -- someone seems to be signing up for services (all free, thus far) with my email address, and (most recently), they contacted the government of the city in which I used to live (I received an email answering an inquery I'd never made about trash pickup).
What do I do?
TL;DR: | Someone has my personal information and they seem to be trying to scrape more and more of it. What can I do about this (if anything)? |
t3_tlsjj | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I need to know if this is legal?
POST: My landlord came into my apartment to do some work on the plumbing (I live in an apartment in his basement). I am getting ready to move next month so I had a lot of my things out on the counters/tables to get it sorted and packed. My landlord noticed my collection of medieval weaponry, a couple of maces, daggers, a sword, and a small ax.
Well, after noticing this collection of weaponry he became extremely furious and told me to leave. He told me I was no longer allowed to be in his apartment, and that I no longer had until June 1st to leave. He told me I have until tomorrow at noon to be out of the apartment.
Is this legal of him to do? I made copies of the lease agreement and it says nothing against my collection, as long as I did not hang anything on the walls, which I did not. I am not necessarily interested in getting into a legal battle with him or anything, I just want to know if it's legal for him to kick me out over two weeks earlier than my predetermined date. The weapons are legal in my state, I have double checked that as well.
TL;DR: | My landlord saw my collection of my, completely legal, medieval weaponry, he kicked me out of my apartment over two weeks sooner than my actual moving date. |
t3_1lsrpd | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [20/f] attractive with bf, wants to know how to make male FRIENDS & avoid getting hit on/awkness.
POST: I have been with my long distance bf for 3 years and I love him and I'm faithful. I hate getting hit on when he's not around(which is most of the time), but I also wish I had more guy FRIENDS. My question is... what if a guy starts talking to me and even though I'm not interested because I'm in a committed relationship, I'm still interested in being friends... how do I let them know that? What is the best way to make it very clear I am committed to my boyfriend but in a friendly way?
I go to a community college and it is not the best environment for making friends... So I was excited when this nice guy started talking to me in class, we had great small talk and at the end of class he asked for my number so that we could compare homework assignments. Right when he asked for my number should I have mentioned I have a bf? I didn't because it was just friendly conversation and I thought if I said it out of no where it would be weird. Even though he was just being friendly I feel like he might be interested in me.... I really want a new guy friend! But I also don't want a guy friend with tension because he's attracted to me. So what is the best way to feel out a guy and see if he genuinely wants to be friends or just wants to get in my pants?
TL;DR: | I'm a hot 20 year old in a committed long distance relationship who wants more guy friends! How do I shut guys down who hit on me while still seeing if they would like to be just friends? |
t3_23u00u | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend [22F] of 6months has stopped feeling like sex with me [20M]. Is this just the honeymoon phase ending or something different?
POST: It feels like the honeymoon phase is over- we have had a few fights and we both aren't exactly brimming with joy everytime we hang out- to be honest we get a little bit bored and we recently needed a week apart (where she kept messaging saying she missed me).
So she arrived back and I was assuming we'd have steamy 'good to see you again i've missed you sex', but no, she's just not in the mood. It's been a few days and she still doesn't feel like it. She's not distant or unhappy (it seems), she just doesn't want sex.
I'm planning to talk to her if this keeps up for another week, as it feels like our intimacy is dying and slipping away because of this. I'm sure there is a heap of (potentially heartbreaking) reasons she might not want sex, but I wanted to get you guys opinion before I launch into a talk with her.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend hasn't felt like sex in a while, is this just the honeymoon phase ending or something more serious? |
t3_33auxf | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] am becoming bored in my 2 year relationship with my 23M boyfriend. I have to plan out everything we do. How do I suggest ways to fix this?
POST: He's never been the type of person to plan couple activities. His idea of a great evening is ordering take-out and watching tv, which I do enjoy, but that's all he seems to want to do. We never go out, unless one of his out-of-town friends comes up and 12 other people go. I suggest going out, and he'll mutter some agreement, then never mention it again. Literally everything else that we do, I have to plan out. Every vacation, day-trip, even a drive to the next town. He mentioned a vacation trip one time, talked about it for a bit, but then nothing ever came from it. ***HE HAS TALKED ABOUT GOING PUTT-PUTTING FOR OVER A YEAR.***
I hate having to plan everything, but I also hate doing the same thing all the time.
Even when I suggest watching a new movie together, he'll say he doesn't have an interest in that movie, which I get, but I've sat through his crap before. I'm tired of having to do things alone (movies, going for walks, random drives, hikes, swims).
Our relationship is just come home, cuddle, eat, maybe watch a show, watch him play video games, sometimes have sex, sleep.
To give you an idea: even my birthday gift last year was some after-thought gift a week late. He plans nothing. This was after months of talking about "I have to plan your birthday"
TL;DR: | I'm becoming bored with doing nothing, his passiveness about activities, and having to plan every little thing. How do I suggest solutions without having to say the dramatic "I'm bored with you."? |
t3_2k80eg | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22 F] of 7 years, she needs time
POST: So let me start off by saying that I am now in a much better place than when this began about a week ago. I have gotten a lot of solid advice from friends and family.
We, like all couples, have had our issues in the past. It has always been small things however, never anything on the scale of cheating or violating one another's trust. And we have never been afraid to talk things out or tell each other how we feel. And we have always said that if one of us isn't happy, that we would never want to force the other to stay.
That being said, she dropped a bomb on me last week where she needs time and space to think about what she wants. Now, out of the 7 years we have been together, roughly 5 have been long distance. Not across the country long distance, but between 2-4 hours apart. So we typically see one another once to twice a month minimum during the stretches where we are apart - with the occasional exception to this trend due to outside circumstances. And we are currently living about 2 hours apart. We have not lived together either, however the other two years we did live in the same small town.
We have still been talking regularly, however about the little things in life. How our days are going, what's going on with other people in our lives, work, etc. But she does not want to talk about us at the moment. And as I'm sure you can imagine, that is all I want to talk about.
I've tried to stay strong - and so far have done a fairly good job I think (apart from the first day/night where I was not in a good place mentally). I'm trying to let her have her time and space. But every day is an internal struggle with myself. And I know it's beyond my control and the ball is in her court, but this has been one of the longest and most difficult weeks in my life.
I guess I'm just looking for some support. Thanks for reading.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of seven years needs time and space; we're still together; she does not want to talk about us at the moment. |
t3_2srio7 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23F] and [39M] giving me hot and cold signals. I don't know whether I should tell him.
POST: So there's this guy I'm really close to even though I've only known him for a little over a year. I don't know how to romantically approach guys or anything like that. I can always tell when my other friends are crushing / being hit on but I can never do so for myself.
He tends to initiate the daily texts even when he's on holiday or with his friends, cheers me up when I'm feeling down, encourages me to be my best, etc. He buys me a lot of stuff when he sees something that reminds him of me, and I do the same as well.
I am aware that we have a significant age gap and I know I'm far from mature but we're both on similar wavelengths when it comes to our lifestyles, ideals, etc. We hang out together and sometimes with his friends (and members of his family) too. Every time we're together he always makes me laugh and we tease each other a lot. And I realize from time to time that he likes to rest his knee against mine, even though he has a lot of chair space to himself.
He sometimes would tell me about girls who hit on him and he's not interested. He's confided in me about his past relationships and warned me of guys I should watch out for. Occasionally he says that he and his bros should help me find a guy. And our interactions are strange. He'd hug all his friends (girls and guys) and I'd do the same, but we don't do that to each other. It's never been our thing, and we always have an awkward wave at the end of the night. And one day one of his friends said she couldn't see him without me by his side and I freaked.
Because of the hot/cold vibes I can't tell if he likes me or not. And telling him feels like such a risk because I might destroy an amazing friendship. And I've never confessed to a guy before, so I'll probably shit myself doing that and be a blubbering mess :/ I'm not a flirty person, so it'll probably be like dropping a bomb on him too.
TL;DR: | I crushed on someone for the first time in my life (on an older person too!) and it sucks because I don't know what to do. Leave it or go for it? |
t3_186d9n | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [24/f] I'm tired of having the same fights with my fiance [37/m], but he keeps doing the same dumb crap. What do I do now?
POST: My fiance and I have been in a million fights about him giving away the only time we have with just each other to his other friends. I work or go to school multiple evenings a week, and he has his 2 sons 40% of the time. We rarely have time to spend a few good hours together in a row.
This evening he got home around 6:30 and I thought we were going to have the rest of the evening together. We go to the gym, and as soon as we get there he announces that he has to go to his house (which he is renting to a friend of his and still stays at sometimes) to snowblow the driveway. He left three hours ago, and his friend checked in on Facebook with him at a restaurant that he had just told my fiance has a great beer selection.
I knew when he left that he was going to end up hanging out with his friend all night. I could have told him to come right back, but then he would have insisted that was the only option. I know I didn't say anything so that he would confirm my expectations. He did, and now I'm angry and hurt. We have fought about this so many times before, and our fights always get explosive and overblown. Whenever he is criticized, he gets defensive and mean, and then ultimately ends up agreeing he was a dick. Then nothing changes.
How the hell do I get things to change? I'm so tired of this. I know I struggle with my own pride and wanting him to figure shit out because I matter and not because I said to. We've been fighting a lot lately, and I don't know how I can remotely say something with it not being a huge argument.
TL;DR: | My fiance keeps doing things that we have had major arguments about, and I don't know how to go about getting the point across any differently. |
t3_4i3yzp | SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: NSV: A failure this week made me realise how far I've come
POST: My NSV actually comes on the wings of defeat. On Tuesday I totally binged, like, really bad, plus I'm working the back shift this week and it's screwing with my schedule. As a result, when I went to the gym the next day I failed miserably. Possibly one of the worst days I can recall recently at.
But, this lead to me realizing three victories I have had that I wouldn't have realized without this off day.
1) I have come SUPER far on my journey. I'm 35lbs down, and even though I failed my routine the other day, I still wouldn't have even been able to do it half that well a few months ago. So it may have been an off day for me considering the stage I'm at now, but it showed me that I really have come so far.
2) It showed me how important maintaining good eating habits really is. One bad day like that made me bloated, sick, and caused me to seriously under perform. Lesson learned!
And 3) I have had a total shift in attitude. A few months ago if I failed as poorly as I just did, I probably would have given up and relapsed into old habits. But now? Now I'm even more determined to continue to improve and impress myself even more than I have. This time getting healthy is about ME. I want to prove to myself that I can do it, and it's working.
So even if you have a shitty day, week, or month, remember that you're still miles ahead of where you would be if you never even tried. So pull yourself back together and keep going. One successful day won't end in perfect results, just like one bad day won't ruin everything you've worked for.
TL;DR: | Having an absolutely terrible day with both diet and exercise didn't kill my motivation, it made me realize how much I've improved and showed me why what I'm doing is important. |
t3_1qjygs | SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Post 86 After Tax Contributions
POST: Many people advocated the following:
1. 401(k) up to the company match
2. Max Roth 401(k) (or traditional I don't want to debate that now)
3. Finish maxing out 401(k)
4. Max HSA contributions (if an HSA is the right choice for you again don't want to debate that now)
Now let's say I've done all of that. And lets say my company allows me to contribute to a Post 86 After Tax account [up to $51,000 MINUS all employee & employer contributions to 401(k)]
Can someone explain to me what the benefits of this After Tax account are versus a normal taxable account?
How about the disadvantages?
___________
TL;DR: | We talk about lot about 401(k)s, IRAs, and even HSAs but I haven't read anything on this subreddit about After Tax Contributions (Post 86 specifically) |
t3_2xmx59 | SUBREDDIT: r/running
TITLE: Amino energy before runs?
POST: I did my first ever 7 mile run yesterday and felt like I could go miles and miles further when I was done. The person I run with was extremely exhausted by the end of it and started to slow down a lot the last two miles. We've run 4-5 miles a handful of times and I'm the one that is normally cursing the world at the end of it while she could keep running.
I thought this was pretty weird since she is much better at getting the other days of running and other cardio in training for a half marathon while I am normally too exhausted after lifting to do the full amount on our plan.
On the 7 mile run I figured I needed a boost before hand so I had some amino energy, and sure enough by the end of the run I felt like a million bucks. I was also pretty pumped to set a personal best for distance in one run though too. I was wondering if the reason I felt so much better even though I ran 2 miles further than ever before was the amino energy, the excitement from setting a personal best, a mix of both, or neither?
TL;DR: | How helpful is amino energy in 'longer' (7 miles which I know is child's play to some on here) versus the adrenaline of setting a personal record by two miles? |
t3_r621i | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Concerned about my friend's health, nowhere to turn.
POST: I'm typing this shaking right now, so bear with me.
My best friend of my entire life, birth to now, just called me to say his mom left his dad. But it isn't that simple, as in a regular divorce.
His mom has a very obscure mental disorder, an offshoot of bipolar and schizophrenia. The medication she takes restricts her episodes to occurring every few years and they change each time. We think this is one of them, she was having some physical symptoms, but nothing we could point to. She flat out left his dad, but I don't have all the reasons now.
The plot thickens, as they have 3 sons. The youngest my friend, is 18. The other 22, another 25. The 25 year old has the same disorder as his mom, and is at home recovering from the first episode he had, triggered by a separate family issue. It is very much so within the realm of possibility that my friend has the same disorder, and I'm worried for his mental health.
He's expressed that he is distraught over the leaving, but feels mentally normal. I need to know how to help him. I guess that the best course of action would to not speculate on the disorder and help with the issue at hand, the grief of his parents splitting. Could somebody with experience in helping people, or dealing with divorce, please help me? I don't know what to say to him. Please, anybody, with anything help me. He's my best friend and it's killing me to see him like this.
Shit, I started crying now... Dammit.
TL;DR: | read the whole thing, it's important. Friend's mom abruptly left his dad, friend may have rare mental disorder. I need advice on helping him with grief in this. |
t3_15yg9c | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My sister from Germany's kids have been taken into foster care.
POST: My divorced 23 year old Sister (on my Stepdad's side ) who lives in Germany has 2 daughters, aged 2 and 4.we'll call her Mary. She's been dating a man for a few months and has become pregnant with twins with her new man.
Mary and her ex are currently in a custody battle, with the usual stuff flying back and forth, he claims she treats the children like animals, leaving them in their own filth and refusing to change their dirty clothes - she claims he threatens to kill her and the kids whenever he gets angry, hard to tell who is telling the truth and who is lying in these situations.
Mary's sister sides with the ex, they've got a strained relationship, always trying to make the other seem like a bad mother so her testimony is suspect.
Anyways, on to the dilemna, Social Services have stepped in and taken Mary's children, according to Mary they will be in care until a decision is made on who the kids will live with, is this a likeley scenario in Germany, or is it more likely that she is actually an unfit mother? Mary doesn't seem to be doing anything towards regaining custody of her kids, after 2 weeks she finally told me she'd arrange an appointment with a lawyer, she has no clue what her rights are in this situation and doesn't seem to be in any hurry to fight for her children - she just bought a new house with her new man, in preperation for the twins arrival.
We are ignorant as to how the German custody system works, as we live in the UK but we need to know whether or not my Mother and Stepfather can step in and request custody, does anybody have any experience with the German social care system?
Ideally we want the kids to go back to their Mother, as we have no evidence that she is an unfit mother, but if it is permanent and not temporary and she is just lying to save face, we have a loving home waiting in the UK for them.
I am a 21 year old female, my Husband wrote this for me because I have dyslexia.
TL;DR: | German sister loses kids to Social Services; We need to know if it is temporary or if she has really lost full custody due to neglect, so we can make our next move. |
t3_54mn0x | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need advice on meeting my wife tomorrow
POST: My [37M] wife [37F] (married since 13 years, together since 15) asked me to leave the house 2 month ago - reason: she tells me she lost all feelings towards me after our son's birth 10 years ago. Both kids daughter 6 and son 10 stayed with her. We had some contact since but the last two weeks we barely sent any messages to each other, yet I have been talking to both my kids on phone regularly.
Tomorrow I am flying to them for 4 days. As the contact to my wife has become less in the past weeks I think that that is a sign for loosing our relationship. She has not started any chat, always only replies to my messages. Has not called only responded to my calls.
I am not sure how to behave when we will meet. Do I hug her or just say hello? Do I show my feelings that I am sad and want our family back together or do I play the "life is good" part? Should I bring her a gift? (Since I left I sent two boxes with presents to them, my wife said thank you but without any comments or sign of joy). Sent her flowers on our 13th wedding anniversary, got only a thank you message in whatsapp. Should I try to talk to her about our relationship or should I leave this topic out as she always tells me not to pressure her.
TL;DR: | wife asked to leave family 2 month ago, tomorrow will be first time I will meet wife and kids again - need advice how to behave towards my wife to make the best impression |
t3_2it1cd | SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I buy a new phone?
POST: I have a htc one m7 unlocked, I rooted the phone and flashed CM10 on it, also I just dropped it and the screen is cracked.
I honestly am tired to mess with my phone so I'm not going to buy any screen replacement to try to repair it
I was going to pay the phone repair place to fix my software to put it back to stock
They told me it's going to be 200$ for the whole thing, and with 220$ I can buy a htc one on ebay...
should i buy one on ebay and sell this one on craigslist or should I wait for christmas with the cracked screen and get a brand new One Plus One and sell my phone on craigslist?
TL;DR: | = 200$ to fix my phone, too much - selling it on craigslist - should I buy the same htc one for 220$ or wait for christmas and get a one plus one for 100$ more? |
t3_33ytnt | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My husband wants friends, but only female friends.
POST: I accidentally (yes, for real) stumbled upon the "meet me app" on my husbands phone.
He claims that he was using it to try and meet friends in our area. (He is a stay at home father and in general doesn't have any pals) For the most part, his replies to other people were innocuous, but he recently posted about getting a cock ring and wanting to test it on someone (and we did later that night).
When I confronted him about the app he explained that he wanted to make friends, but specifically, female friends- but only since he hasn't had any female friends since college (which is when we got together). I desperately want to believe this since I know he gets pretty lonely around here with just our toddler to keep him company. He deleted the app at my insistence, but I know that doesn't mean much.
I want to believe that he is innocent and I'm freaking out, but at the same time, I subscribe to the Steve Harvey school of thinking about heterosexual friendship.
I'm an incredibly jealous and territorial woman (we're both in late 20s, been together for 10 years), so the fact That he even wants "girl-friends" gets me riled.
TL;DR: | am I over reacting? Can men and women just be friends? Why do married men want to *find* female friends? Am I about to be cheated on??? |
t3_2erstg | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28 M] and GF [28 F] have been dating and living together for 2 years, today she wants to end in because we are not engaged yet.
POST: I met my GF in the same company I work at. After a few long months of pursuing, we finally started dating. Only after a few months of dating, she moved in to my apartment. As our relationship got more serious, she started asking when we would get married. I have always told her that it was too early and that we needed to get our things in order.
We've been very close and happy until this morning when she finally broke down and told me that if I don't want to get married, there is no need for her to be in the relationship. I do not consider getting married - not with her, not with anyone else. I love her very much but she is giving me an ultimatum that I don't think I can say yes to. I don't want to be pressured into marriage.
I am pretty sure, you guys read this sort of dilemma every single day but never have I thought I'd be in it.
I am torn, heartbroken and speechless. I do want to keep what we have without the pressure of marriage. I guess, I am going to have to let her go, if this isn't going to work for her anymore.
What do you think?
TL;DR: | GF [28 F] of 2 years breaking up with me [28 M] because I do not want to get engaged. |
t3_3itmri | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] dated with my ex [20 F] for 2 years, have been broken up for about a year and a half now, still talk time to time but I want her back.
POST: Her and I started dating before my senior/her junior year in high school. I went to college in a different state for my first year and a half and I broke up with her when I was home over break halfway into my freshman because the long distance thing wasn't gonna work for us and I thought it was for the better.
When I came home that summer we started hanging out, going out to dinner, and having sex just like before. I never wanted to make things official again because I would just be leaving for school again in a few months. I continue this with her til the day I left for school. A few weeks of little contact when I'm at school and she texts me to tell me that she has a new boyfriend and that she is sorry. I was really mad about it at first and thought it was wrong of her, but then again I never put strings on anything when I came home that summer.
Now to the present. A year and a half into college (last Spring) I transferred to a university much closer to my home therefore much closer to her. We have hung out once since then (last Fall maybe), I took her to dinner and we just chatted and hung out with my dog (he's much better with the ladies than I am). When she was leaving my house I kissed her and she didn't pull but I could tell there was nothing to it (if that makes sense). She told me some lines about how she is too busy with school/work/etc etc etc to be dating anyone and brought up things that I mistreated her when I left for school, old issues.
We still talk now time to time, mostly casual stuff about work and school. She is open to making plans though, but assures me her schedule is really busy. What is my best plan of action to make her fall for me again or should I just be done with it?
TL;DR: | Dated a girl for 2 years. Broke up because I moved away to college. I transferred to a school closer to home (for unrelated reasons). We are both single again. I want her back. |
t3_507dap | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [27F] ex-boyfriend [28M] is now my co-worker. His sister [25F] threatened to destroy my life if I don't stay away from him.
POST: My ex and I were together for about 1.5 years. We broke up 4 years ago.
He's autistic. He's not low functioning but he struggled with communication and social interactions significantly. I tried my best during those 1.5 years but it was so difficult. I loved him and wanted the best for him but being with him had become very difficult. So I left. He didn't want us to break up and told me that he'd try to change but he had promised me that too many times before. I don't blame him, it's a disability, but I couldn't stay in that relationship. I knew he'd be hurt so I suggested that he'd get help dealing with it.
Anyway, we didn't remain in contact. At that time I was friends with his sister but she never talked to me after I broke up with him.
Last week I started a new job. I had no idea he's working at the same place but I saw him there. We didn't talk much, only that I started working here. It's a big company and we work in different departments, we won't run into each other regularly.
Today his sister called me and asked to have lunch. I agreed. Well she freaked out completely on me. I had never seen her like that. It was like she hated me in every imaginable way. She told me I shouldn't talk to my ex, I shouldn't even look at him, I shouldn't try to enter his life and if she learns that I've done anything to get close to him she'll make sure my life is a living hell and that I have no idea what she's capable of.
I was shocked at her level of anger and asked if something had happened to him and she told me that I left so I don't have a right to ask questions. She repeated the threats.
I'm still in shock. My mom thinks I should go to the police although I don't think she's a violent person. She was angry. I don't know what to do here.
TL;DR: | I left my autistic boyfriend 4 years ago. Now we're coworkers at my new job and his sister came to me and threatened to make my life a living hell if I don't leave him alone. |
t3_23y9x7 | SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: [F, 5'5", SW: 165, CW: 159] I dropped 3.44% body fat over the course of the semester; my triceps skin-fold went from 19mm to 13mm!!
POST: So I'm a Kinesiology major, and one of my classes this semester was a Physical and Motor Fitness Assessment. So lots of training was done to hit specific physical goals; for example, based on body weight I needed to leg press 355, I had to vertical jump 22 inches, and run a 21.0 200m dash (I got a B with 21.5 seconds), and many more diabolical things.
It's a tough course.
At the start of the semester we did a body composition lab, taking measurements and skin-folds to assess our risks of developing health problems as we age.
**My original numbers:**
Height- 5'5"
Weight- 165 lbs
Triceps- 19mm
[Iliac Crest] 16mm
Thigh- 18mm
Waist- 29 in.
Hips- 41 in.
[Body Fat Percentage] *21.12%*
**My new numbers:**
Height- 5'5"
Weight- 159.1 lbs
Triceps- 13mm
Iliac Crest- 14mm
Thigh- 16mm
Waist- 29 in.
Hips- 41 in.
Body Fat Percentage- *17.68%*
*****
I'm in shock.
I was always the kinda lazy basketball player, always somewhat out of shape for the season. I could play entire games without sitting, but I wasn't as good as I could have been. I was able to get away with it due to good fundamental skills, unfortunately. I've never trained for anything like I have for this class. I assume it's because I'm getting a grade...
TL;DR: | I dropped 6 lbs and went from 21 to 17.7% body fat, I feel like an athlete! Some clothes fit better and some look humongous!!! |
t3_2ztor9 | SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Daughter watches too much "crap" on Youtube, need tips for merging between learning and having fun.
POST: I need advice with helping my 8yo daughter make a better use of her time. Right now, most of her free time goes to watching fanmade videos and watching a bunch of My Little Pony videos. And then playing video games on the PC. I can see these things taking their toll over her brain. She's kinda addicted and her grades became lower because during exams she's not concentrated but instead she's thinking about the things she watched on youtube.
I need help with maybe some sites or youtube channels that could occupy her but be more productive for her. She likes science, so I'm looking for any kids-friendly science show I could get for her. She likes stories. So if there's any youtube channel with good stories for kids that could enrich her vocabulary or expose her to good storytelling and literature. I'm a real big fan of finding productive habits to do for fun in your free time. So how can I merge learning with fun? I'm in a really busy period atm so I can't always be with her teaching new things. She'd have to do a lot of it during her free time alone.
TL;DR: | I need good youtube channels, sites, entertainment that could occupy my 8yo daughter but help her develop in some way. |
t3_z44ax | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Parents of Reddit: Why did you think it was appropriate to purchase your child and/or teen a laptop and/or iPhone?
POST: I'm a parent of two kids. My wife and I have made a pact that we will, under no circumstances, buy our kids laptops or goddamn iPhones while they are children, and even when they are teens (college, perhaps). I see the value in each item in this modern era, but they are just luxuries which aren't needed to function on a day to day basis. Furthermore, if your argument is that kids need to be/feel connected to their friends or the world, what's wrong with just buying them a simple cell phone, or only allowing them to use the home desktop PC? I would also argue that both devices are huge distractions and aside from an educational benefit (learning resources, calculators, word processors etc), they serve no other purpose to a kid or teen other than games and facebook.
TL;DR: | Seeing way too many 5th graders with iPhone's, overhearing way too many fights between teens and parents about proper laptop usage. I think it's ridiculous. |
t3_wbopo | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: So depressed, now I find myself unable to eat, anyone have ideas on how I can make my body let me eat?
POST: I have been very depressed lately, I was recently discharged from the navy for a concussion and migraines, which started my depression as I was training for one of the hardest jobs in the military and was doing surprisingly well. Ended up moving home. Now I'm extremely lonely, I have random Hookups... As in I've slept with 7 people in the last two months, but every time it makes me feel worse than before. I just want someone to care about me, and now I find myself unable to eat, and when I try to eat I become physically sick and my body won't let me keep my food down. I'm starving but every time I eat I get nauseous and vomit not long after. I am a pretty physically fit person, so this is also ruining my workout routine as I usually intake about 3-3.5k calories a day. How can I get over people not caring about me, or how can I get my food to stay in my stomach? Can reddit give me some help?
TL;DR: | medical discharge, dream crushed, now just want someone to care about me, random sex makes me more depressed, now I can't eat. |
t3_qtfv7 | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Need sex advice: Can't cum with a condom, gf won't return oral sex (nsfw)
POST: My current girlfriend is the only girl I've ever had penetrative sex to orgasm with. We've been having sex using the pull-out method, but the other week I got a little excited and didn't pull out in time. Now, even though she's on the pill, she insists on me using a condom. The problem is that I simply can't have an orgasm in a condom, I've never been able to, and I have rarely been able to stay hard long enough to put one on.
This problem is made worse by her unwillingness to return oral sex. I go down on her frequently, usually multiple times in one night and then again in the morning for good measure, but she never returns the favor. I don't know if she has any particular reason other than perhaps it just grosses her out, but I feel like I'm being left hanging.
So my current situation is that I can't get oral from my girlfriend, and I also can't keep it up while wearing a condom, so I'm left finishing myself off when she leaves.
The condom thing is more important to me. I feel like this is a bigger issue, since I feel like I should be more aroused than I am, and seeing that most guys don't seem to have a problem maintaining and finishing with a condom. Is there a way for me to enhance my arousal, or make myself more sensitive?
The oral thing is still important too, is it something that I should be able to just ask her about?
TL;DR: | can't keep it up in a condom, but girlfriend won't perform oral on me, so I'm not getting off even after I've gotten her off multiple times. |
t3_1dj2mv | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: 100k+ income or 70k in debt... what would you choose?
POST: Reddit I want your opinion. I just got accepted to a top 3 engineering university but I have no way to pay for it. I am finishing my associates degree in engineering science and on a whim I applied for a few jobs that I was qualified for but will obviously pay less than an engineer. I was offered a position that I would enjoy (my first real job really) and it pays around 50k. My wife also works and makes 55k. We live in the midwest and have no debt so this would be a pretty good income for us. What would you do? Take the job and dont look back or take on the 70k in debt (20k a year for 3 years plus interest) and try to get a job in the engineering field.
TL;DR: | no debt, got a job offer, combined income over 100k, do this or go in debt to be an engineer. |
t3_4vx4zn | SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by accidentally drinking poisonous motor oil
POST: I was working on my wifes small all-wheel drive SUV this weekend. It was a 95 F day with 90% humidity, and I was guzzling water and iced tea all day. I changed the gear oil in the rear differential. The normal color of the special gear oil is a light amber shade, but with 75k miles on this oil, it had changed to a dark cherry-cola color. In order to inspect it, I poured the oil into a emtpy Dr. Pepper plastic bottle, and put it on the work bench for later visual inspection for debris or anything out of the ordinary. Regarding the empty Dr. Pepper bottle- about 6 months ago I went from being a 3 soda a day addict to maybe one a month, in the process dropping 15 lbs. Out of habit I usually have 2-3 emtpy clear plastic bottles saved up for holding automobile fluids for inspection, hence the reason I still had this particular empty bottle. Many hours later, dying of thirst, I spied the Dr. Pepper bottle on the work bench and decided "wow, that would really hit the spot right now". A small part of my brain said "wtf, I do not remember bringing a bottle of Dr. Pepper out to the garage", but the other part of my brain that had been addicted to Dr. Pepper for years said "shut the fuck up and drink it !". I drank it. The moment I took a drink I knew I had fucked up and immediately spit it out- into my teenage sons face who happened to have come out to ask me a question and was in spitting range. I wiped my mouth out with a clean shop rag, ran inside and proceeded to wash my mouth out 5-6 times with dishwashing detergent. Fortunately my son did not get any into his eyes so he just needed to wash his face 2-3 times. - Today I learned that GM Versatrak gear fluid tastes horrible; the phrase "harmful or fatal if swallowed" just might apply to me; and that Dawn dishwashing detergent tastes far better in comparison. - After a visit to the emergency room, I realized my doc had a sense of humor when she quipped "All those times your mom threatened to wash out your mouth with soap, and you finally did it yourself."
TL;DR: | Pepper : accidentally tried to poison myself with used gear oil that looked identical to Dr. Pepper, had to get treated in the ER |
t3_4b6xbn | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] slept with occasional fling [21M], but found out that my friend [20F] liked him.
POST: So, me and this guy have been occasionally sleeping with each other for the past 2 years. By occasional, I mean like every few months. I used to really like him but now, I'm okay with our fling. We have some mutual friends but both of us are pretty private people, so the fling was kept pretty down low.
Last night, a bunch of us went out and I guess we weren't being as private as we used to be (making out on the dance floor). Suddenly, he pulled me aside and told me that one of my friends (20F) used to/maybe still is into him, and she told him a few months ago. This came out of the blue for me. And then he basically put it in my hands to decide whether we should hook up, like he was down if I was down. The mixture of horniness and drunkness drove me to agree to sex.
So I realized I fucked up by sleeping with someone that my friend was into (didn't know when we were making out but I did when we had sex). I feel like I need to apologize to her, but I don't know if she knows I know she liked/likes? him, and she might not appreciate that her privacy was broken. What can I say? What should I do? I really value my friendship with her so I really want to apologize.
TL;DR: | Slept with fling, found out that my friend likes him. Realized I fucked up, what can I do/say to her? |
t3_1p5v93 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [23M] needs support on how to move on from someone you love after they choose something over you. [x/Post /r/relationships]
POST: My girlfriend [19F] of ten months and I recently broke up. It has been a couple of months coming and we were fighting daily and it seems like nothing I did would get through to her.
She began going to clubs without me and met a 35 year old club promoter who began inviting her out right before we hit the breaking point.
Her best friend's aunt owns a famous nightclub in NYC. Said best friend was her counsel during our hard times and they want nothing to do with me so I can't ever attend.
I have not been perfect by any means, I have some very serious issues regarding trust which she knows about, and I tend to be very hurtful when she does something which upsets me.
The promoter I mentioned above began inviting her a lot, and I began to ge
t a little weary letting her go out alone (plus the friend that hates me) with another guy. So I asked her to delete his number. She told me she did.
I realized that was a lie about a week later when I asked her if he was still in her contacts and she said no repeatedly to my face and I discovered him there later on.
She now is completely immersed in a club scene. She's actually on her way there now. And I'm a loser without a girlfriend who's ex left him for parties.
I just need to not let my hatred for what she's done here fade, I get soft and she takes advantage immediately.
Thanks for reading my story
TL;DR: | Girl left me for a partying lifestyle, want to either die or firebomb the club.. I won't really, but I need help coping. |
t3_4dfthg | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24M] with my gf [21F] of 5 months - My trust issues even worse now
POST: Please read my first post [here](
Well it just got worse.
A few months ago she told me about some guy she hung out with just as friends, lets say his name is Chris. She said she and Chris were just friends, because at the time she was indeed in a relationship with Fred.
She split with Fred because things weren't working out.
Anyway, I was on my gf's laptop and saw screenshots of her talking to some guy along with a Skype screenshot of her talking to him on video camera, named Chris, in an explicit sexual manner, dated at the same time she was going out with her Ex Fred.
This is a massive red flag to me, what's stopping her from doing the same to me? Should I approach her about it? I know she will get mad for me invading her privacy (even though we both have access to each others things, and these pics were literally in her 'My pictures' folder so its not like I read all her emails and invaded her privacy.) I know she is just going to deny it. I cant deal with that kind of of emotional trauma if she ever did that to me. Thoughts please.
TL;DR: | Found out my current GF was talking to other guys in a sexual manner when she was still with her ex, how to proceed? |
t3_3f5hv2 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: He (24M) still has pictures, and I'm(24f) assuming masturbates to, his ex girlfriend
POST: We've been dating for about two and a half years. We live together outside our home town away from both our families. He spent his whole life savings getting me up here and has been a great boyfriend with minor bumps in the road.
The first time I saw the pictures I was devastated, this ex of his cheated on him and strung him along for a long time before he caught her. They had dated all through high school, and he's had 3 girlfriends his whole life (I'm the third) so I know he's the type to get really attached to his girls. He assured me he hadn't looked at them for awhile and that he would delete them immediately (and showed me as he deleted them). I felt bad for snooping.
The next time I caught wind of the pictures I was more angry than anything. See, the pictures are on his Google drive and I looked through his "recent" list, there they were, also further looking at the information details, they had been deleted then restored the very next day. I did not confront him about this because I was very ashamed at myself for snooping especially when I had told him I wouldn't do it anymore. I asked him casually about the pictures and if he deleted or knew how to restore pictures, he "assured" me they were gone and he didn't even know how to restore them.
Today I snooped again, and I don't know what to do at this point. I'm mad at both of us, the pictures had been looked at again YESTERDAY along with a bunch of random hentai I know he doesn't want me to know he's in to (I could care less but he's sensitive)
The pictures I'm talking about are hundreds.. Of screen shots of old Skype calls, videos, folder after folder.. Things I never wanted to see.
I KNOW he's not cheating on me, but I feel like my trust has been betrayed. On the other hand, I have lied to him by snooping yet again, do the ends justify the means? Do I confront him yet again? How will I know he's not lying?
TL;DR: | bf has hundreds of photos of masturbating ex gf that he lied about deleting twice, that I found by snooping when I told him I wouldn't anymore. |
t3_25mr6z | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [22 M] and I [21 F] relationship completely destroyed but I always catch myself coming back
POST: We've been together for about 3 1/2 years now. We are in long distance about 700 miles away. He's always been very controlling/manipulative about a lot of things. Doesn't like when I go out or hang with friends, hold a conversation with guys who are my friends, etc.
Things hit rock bottom when we both ended up cheating on each other. I slept with someone while he slept with 3 girls. After coming to me and telling me he felt bad, he confessed his 'love' towards me and all. However, I found out he was still hooking up with one of the girls from before and I believe still is even though he tells me he doesn't. My gut just gives me a feeling it's still going on.
I find it really hard to let go because since it is long distance, things could be a lot different between us if we could be together more. That's why I'm always coming back to him. However, after something like this happened, I don't know if things will ever change.
I don't want to continue to live my life being paranoid and in fear that this stuff will continue to happen while he plays with my head. How can I just learned to move on with my life without him?
TL;DR: | Relationship 3 1/2 years, both cheated. He continued/continues to sleep with the one girl after saying how much he loves/cares about me. I want to let go but just don't know how. |
t3_plbr5 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: boyfriend may have issues with my fraternity
POST: Throwaway account because boyfriend is also redditor.
I am f/22 and boyfriend is same age. We have been together for 2 years now. I am in a co-ed fraternity and I'm worried my boyfriend is uneasy about some of the stuff we do. My fraternity is probably 2/3 male and 1/3 female, and we are all engineers. For example, we like to throw kickbacks at each other places so I enjoy doing some brotherly bonding that includes drinking. I think my SO may be jealous even though he tells me that he is not the jealous type. I was in the fraternity before we met so I figured he would understand that we do have parties. We go to school in different cities so we don't see each other as much as we like, maybe 2 weekends in a month if we are lucky. He was also angry at me for not telling him that I went clubbing with them during our annual retreat until I got back from it which was the day after. I went with 10 girls including me and only 3 guys. My previous boyfriend broke up with me, partially because I was in the fraternity which is why I tried to make it clear to him that I was in one when we started out.
In the beginning when he was able to hang out for longer periods, I invited him to some of our parties and dinner thing and he enjoyed hanging out with everyone. Now that he's been concentrating on school, he's not around to partake in a lot of the events.
So reddit, how do I make my boyfriend more comfortable about it? I've told him that they are just my brothers and I have no intentions of dating any other guys. Also, how can I get him to feel less angry when I want to go out and do stuff with them? This is my last year at college so I want to make the most of it in case I move far away for work.
TL;DR: | boyfriend doesn't seem to like that I go out with my fraternity and makes me feel guilty that he can't go sometimes since he goes to a different school. |
t3_4ckbrb | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Im [28m] a lot more attractive now than when I first met girlfriend [29f] of 3 years. Play the field or stay in relationship?
POST: When I met Amber I was skinnyfat and broke. Fast forward to today and my career has taken off beyond my wildest dreams. Im making craploads of money. Last summer a bodybuilder friend of mine introduced me to HGH and steroids. Ive done a few cycles since and my body is amazing.
I get A LOT of attention from women. Which is bittersweet as I used to be treated like I was nonexistant. Horny thoughts bombard my mind all day.
My gf Amber has pretty much stayed the same as when I met her. Shes not very ambitious and average in looks. I feel comfortable around her but I have this strong urge to see what else is out there, all those sexual opportunities I didnt have before are here now... but I also feel guilty and selfish thinking this way.
And I feel worse knowing that a year ago we were planning to possibly get married and start a family. My parents like her and her parents adore me. I get along with her siblings etc. It would suck to have to build all that up again.
But still...
TL;DR: | Who I am has changed dramatically since I met my gf. Wondering if I should break up with her and see what else is out there. What would you do? |
t3_3ooa1h | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] think my husband [23M] of 1.5 years just told me that I took his virginity. Not sure how I feel
POST: No earth shattering relationship drama here, but I'm confused. When my husband and I met, we had sex after about a week. He told me that he hadn't had sex in about 4/5 years. As we got to know each other better, I asked him more about his sex life, because I like sharing this kind of stuff. He said that he'd slept with two girls before me (in HS). He also said that sex with them was awkward, especially with his ex gf from High School, because she was very religious.
We've always had a great sex life. He seemed a little inexperienced/rusty in the beginning, but he's great and always takes charge.
So it took me by surprise when I learned today that I gave him his first bj. He was joking around, saying that I'm the nicest girl ever and the only girl who's ever given him a bj. I was shocked. I didn't know that. I asked more about his sex experiences in HS because now I was curious. Well, aparently he's only had sex with one girl, but he was ashamed to admit that to me so he said it was two. Also, this one girl only wanted to have anal sex with him, because she was religious, and I guess she thought that that wouldn't piss god off as much. My husband says that they only had sex a handful of times, and that it was awkward and 'forced' (not as in non-consensual, just with no passion.
I feel really weird about this - did I take his virginity then? Is it okay if I'm a little annoyed, because it feels like he lied to me? I just feel superweird about this. Of course not like 'I want a divorce!' W
weird, just weird.
TL;DR: | = husband didn't have PIV sex till he met me. I feel weird because he didn't tell me/lied/witheld the truth. How should I look at this situation? |
t3_546ohb | SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [CA] Possible consequences of welfare shenanigans.
POST: Several months ago, my wife and I had a large fight which resulted in my expulsion from the home via restraining order for 10 weeks. I have since resolved (most) of the issues with my wife, but one thing continues to plague both of us.
While I was out of the home, she filed the necessary paperwork to begin receiving benefits from the State. This included CalWorks, a cash benefit, as well as CalFresh, effectively food stamps. She also is receiving assistance for tuition and books at school.
When she signed up for everything, she truthfully advised the social worker that we had 2 kids, and that she was making zero income. The benefits she is receiving were calculated based on those figures.
Now that I am back home, she is terrified that she is going to get into trouble for taking unauthorized benefits. She told them as soon as I moved back in that I was there, but at the time, we were still working out what would happen with out relationship, and I moved back in purely to avoid having to pay rent at two locations. Nesting is the term, I believe.
To this day, our relationship is still strained, and we still fight. So much so that she has expressed to me that she still has moments of doubt about where we are going. That is something for /r/relationships though. What I'm wondering is what kind of trouble she could get in to, if any? She has admitted to the social worker that I am back in the house, but I don't know if she formally filed any paperwork alerting them to the change in status. The circumstances regarding our relationship are the same now as they were then: I live there, and we are amicable, but we are more roommates than partners.
TL;DR: | My wife started receiving benefits while I was kicked out of the house, and now I've moved back in. The State was informed, but took no action at the time. What kind of trouble could she get into? |
t3_r95y1 | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My SO and I babysit a friend's kids while she works, she accused us of bruising her 2 month old son. What would you do?
POST: Just like the title says. We've known her for about two years, she used to live next door. She has a 5 year old son and a 2 month old son. The 5 year old can be a hellraiser but he's a good kid. The 2 month old is..a baby. He does baby stuff. He's pretty relaxed, unlike a lot of babies I've seen. Doesn't cry a lot, etc. We treat him with kid gloves, obviously. He's a baby. We're gentle.
Tonight, she calls and says to me, "I hate to lose a babysitter but there's a bruise on the baby's back that wasn't there yesterday."
This pissed me off, and I repeated what she said back to her, absolutely shocked and confused. I then handed the phone to my SO, who asked her a few questions, then hung up. She called the woman back a few minutes later, explaining that we were both very offended that she would accuse us like that. She claimed that she didn't mean to make it an accusation, and now that she's thought more about it, she thinks it happened when she put him in the sink for his bath, that the sink stopper might have done it.
What would you do? Would you keep babysitting? Would you tell her to find someone else?
TL;DR: | friend accuses us of bruising her baby while we were babysitting, then backs down when confronted, what would you do? |
t3_hkgyu | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Marijuana and the law, how should I react?
POST: I smoked a joint with my friend around 11 near the canal. It was a secluded area with good visibility so we could dispose and pull out cigarettes if need be. Everything went fine, but as we were walking back, we passed by a lamp-post and out of a box on the top, a recorded message played and said something like:
"You have been photographed doing illegal activities, you photo has been recorded and you will be prosecuted, please leave the premises now..."
Turns out we were accoss the water from an apartment building... I guess it was their land and they must have had a camera. Was the recorded message just used to scare us away? or could there be consequences?
TL;DR: | after smoking weed, a friend and I were yelled at by a box on top of a pole telling us we were photographed, will be prosecuted and should leave. |
t3_1p4yp9 | SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: A lot lost and now I'm a little lost.
POST: I've been lurking in loseit for a while (25/M/5'10) and have been using it to get motivation and tips from others to help me find success with my own weight loss. I have something to share which was my motivation for loosing weight and now has put me in a place where I need some help.
About a year ago I met someone online. I had a few dates with this person until he told me how great and wonderful I was but he decided to see someone else. The positioning of his rejection seemed to me that he was rejecting me for my weight, which was 242 at the time.
Over the course of the last year I have dropped my weight to 180 for a 62lb loss. I was happy with myself even though I could still be more little in the middle.
I decided to try dating again and met someone who I found great comfort being around and to be a wonderful person in general. Things were progressing along swimmingly until recently. After a great date in the park with dinner and drinks things started heating up. About ten minutes in he stopped, looked at me with the saddest face, and said, "I'm not physically attracted to you and I don't want to continue this relationship." I was crushed. We talked for about an hour afterwords. As far as breakups go it couldn't have gone better. He said something that resonated with me. He said it more delicately but the gist of it was "I think you are attractive but I can't get passed your body."
Now to what brings me here. I've been working hard to get to this point in my weight loss. I just started yoga and have been feeling great. The end of this wonderful romance has made me question myself and my body. I'm disappointed in myself for not trying harder or not seeking out help when I needed it. I have some lack of motivation today for a combination of having my love life snuffed out in a single sentence and a disappointment with my body. I don't know where to go from here.
TL;DR: | I got rejected for being overweight. I literally worked my ass off (-62lbs) only to be rejected for the same reason a year later and now I'm struggling to find a direction and motivation. |
t3_13w51w | SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: BK, Relief from Stay, and Selling the Loan
POST: Here is a situation I've come across and am interested to hear about the legal ramifications. Not looking for "official" legal advice, just thoughts on the situation.
BK declared in 2011. The bank obtained a relief from stay in April 2012 and since that time Borrower has been calling them trying to get the ball rolling on the foreclosure process. Borrower's ex is unwilling to do a Short-Sale or work toward a DIL for some reason; they are now officially divorced and the only alternative (because it's the only one she is willing to move forward on) is foreclosure.
Borrower just found out that the bank has sold his loan to another bank. The process is likely to start all over again with "what can we do to modify this loan for you" and that will take months to wade through. Good times.
My question is this: If the Borrower's old bank was the one who pursued the relief from stay under the terms of the BK, can that relief from stay just be essentially transferred to the new bank and new servicer? I understand that the relief from stay allows the old bank the ability to pursue options with respect to moving forward with foreclosure, but can they just sell the troubled loan to another company with the relief from stay in place?
TL;DR: | BK, relief from stay obtained by old bank. Old bank sells loan to new bank. Relief from stay still in place? |
t3_4a4pbi | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20M] wanted a break with my GF [ 19f] of 1.2 years, now I need help to get her back
POST: My gf and I had broken up about a month ago for constant fighting to, IMO over pretty mundane stuff. We hadn't fought before then really, but we are at different schools about 5 hours apart and the distance finally got to us.
Initially it was just a break, she needed space and so did I. However, I tried to reconcile things last week. She said she didn't want to do distance, saying it made her always miss me and held her back socially. But kept sending mixed signals like she wants to date in the summer around may and how she still feels about me. The discussion ended on poorer terms than I would of wanted. Largely due to me.
I don't know what to do. I personally can't take a pause, I feel like Ill lose the intimacy we had and maybe even her. She's has gone the entire year but bails when we are so close to being together for the summer.
Should I continue giving her space for a few more weeks then speak to her again? If so what line should I take? I don't want to sound desperate.
TL;DR: | had break with GF after fighting too much over long distance. She does but doesn't want to get back together. Not really in contact with her. Ended on poor terms. |
t3_2mx7ce | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my maybe now ex [21 F] less than a year, just a general quick question.
POST: This wont take long, ill give a brief summary of the relationship and then ask the question, I think this is the right subreddit, if not my apologies.
We have been "together" for around 8 months now, we dont see much of each other because she is busy so much (she has a kid and a very busy job). She said I was her boyfriend fairly early on but we havent seen much of each other so Ive never really felt it.
So basically in 8 months ive seen her twice. I think you can see why I never really felt it.
Anyway the question: earlier today we were talking about this kind of thing and she doesnt think its fair to me to "have" to wait even though I said im okay with that.
She suggested having a "break" and thats something Ive never encountered before. I went along with it because I striaght out told her that if she wanted to end it I would respect her choice and I meant that, I really have a lot of respect for her intelligence.
I get what it means, she wants to be apart for a month or two (her words) and then see how we feel, but given how we almost never see each other this seems more to me like a break up than anything. Am I wrong in thinking that?
Cause this sounds to me like just a very slow way for her to break things off.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend I rarely see wants to go on a "break". Am I right in thinking that she is just breaking up with me in slow motion? |
t3_2jee60 | SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by mishearing a student
POST: I teach in Australia, where it is normal for schools to have a 'no-hat-no-play' policy (so in Spring and Summer time, students must wear a hat at break times). My school also has a strict response to bad language. So here I was, on yard duty, on the first day of term after our spring vacation, getting kids to put on their hats and guiding those without them into a sheltered area. I sprung one hatless student on the handball court, and when he told me he'd forgotten his hat, I said he needed to move off the court into the shade. Under his breath he muttered, "For fucks sake."
I HATE responding to things like this. I actually don't give a shit. But I'm not meant to let stuff like that go. So I march him up to his classroom teacher, and start to tell the story of what happened. The kid hangs his head in acceptance that he has done something wrong, but when I tell his teacher, "And then he mumbled under his breath, 'For fucks sake'", this kid turns white and freaks. "I didn't say that! I didn't! I said, 'It's the first day'!" He was telling the truth.
So after apologising to him profusely, I have my fingers crossed that this kid didn't go home and say to his parents, "A teacher dropped the F-bomb in front of me today".
TL;DR: | Accused a kid of saying fuck, by saying fuck. He didn't say fuck. Which made me think, 'Fuck.' |
t3_iysil | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Question to any Redditors employed in aerospace, aeronautical engineering fields..
POST: I have always been interested in science and tech since I was little and more specifically airplanes and rocket ships (who isn't right?). After highschool, I did a Bachelor's degree in Political Science and then went to college and did a certificate in Commercial Aviation / aeronautics. THEN, I did my pilot's flight training receiving my commercial single-engine pilot's license.
I am now incredibly in debt with student loans and am no closer to achieving my goal of working at NASA (or any private aerospace firm for that matter).
I need your advice to help me find a decent college / uni program that can help me break into this field. I'm currently looking into doing a college computer science program or doing another bachelor's degree, this time in computing and Information Systems.
I am hoping some of you who are already working in the field can point me in the right direction and give me some guidance on what to do!
Background: I have BA (political science), Certificate in Commercial Aviation, a private and commercial pilot license, and am currently teaching basic computers and accounting at a local community college.
TL;DR: | I want to get a job working in the aerospace technology field and don't know where to start. Ideas will be much appreciated! |
t3_23cfmo | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30 M] with my Long distance GF [25 F] for 10 years, I love her but I can't keep this up any more.
POST: We meet in 2003-2004 in a chat room. We hit it off and quickly fell in love. The problem? She lives in an other country. I'm From the US and she's in Canada. She refuses to move in with me in the US because she has family their. And i refuse to move because I have a house, job, life and family here.
But after 10 years, I want more. I want kids. I want someone to call me Daddy. I want to to have a wife live with me in my house. She does too but we can come to therms with moving to each others places. We've meet already btw. A lot of times. I travel from New york to Vancouver once every two years.
I just don't know any more. Is it worth leaving the women i love to find an other close by to start a new life? One that I want?
TL;DR: | I Met a girl online. We've been dating for 10 years but neither one of us want to move in with each other. What do? |
t3_201r3k | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [21 M] of 1 year, do I have the right to be annoyed at him for staying out late with his/our friends?
POST: My live-in boyfriend and I used to have the same friend circles that were largely co-ed... a healthy number of girls and boys. This friend group has since drifted apart and I am now one out of two girls in the friend group, the rest are eight boys that my boyfriend and I get along very well with.
The other girl in my group is in a relationship with someone that occasionally but very rarely hangs out with us, so now most times she is off hanging out with his friends, leaving me to be the only girl in the group. I generally get along with boys more than I do with girls, due to growing up a little bit of a tomboy until the age of fourteen (I climbed trees, ripped dresses, dressed in baggy boys clothes, had short hair etc etc).
That being said, my boyfriend and I had a talk about me finding more girl friends and maybe hanging out with the boys less for it to be healthier as the boys sometimes could not have 'man' talks with a girl around. I completely understand, even though I do not mind, and am used to these chats (that revolve around cars technology and women).
So sometimes I go off and have alone time or hang out with some of my other friends from the gym that I do not see very often.
I have no qualms with him going out with these boys for dinner/drinks, but this past week it has been 3 nights in a row. The rest of these boys are single, and my BF is the only one in a relationship. I want to tell him that staying out until 2am and coming home only when I text him is not ok, as it is making me feel as if i'm his mom. I do go out for drinks as well, but I come home at a reasonable time. Needless to say, I am annoyed. How do I approach this? Am I being unreasonable?
TL;DR: | BF stays out late with friends til 2am for 3 nights in a row. Am annoyed. Am I being unreasonable? |
t3_4ozydg | SUBREDDIT: r/Dogtraining
TITLE: House-soiling issues with an 11 year old dog.
POST: Hello,
I'm unsure whether there is a questions thread or whatnot where I can ask the question I have so I made a post instead. Growing up, we had two dogs for the better part of 10 years and recently had to lose one to illness. Our current dog is an 11 year old Pointer mix who was never properly house-trained during those 10 years and has therefore developed house-soiling habits. Growing up I never really paid attention to it as I figured my dad whom had read a few books on the matter had claimed we could fix these habits. I've recently come to understanding that everyone in the house has simply given up on fixing this issue and it annoys me. With a new dog coming into the picture later this summer and a lot of free time this summer I'd like to fix this issue.
The dog, Ella, has habits of peeing on a training pad at the front door anytime we leave the house or when we go to bed. When she notices we go upstairs to get to bed in the evening, she will within 5 mins, pee on her pad, regardless of whether she's been out for a walk or in the backyard in the past hour. When we leave for extended periods of time(4+ hours) she will poop in the living room creating quite the unpleasant smell for a few hours.
A relative dog trainer has proposed changing where the training pads are to putting them beside the backdoor, and then gradually showing her to go outside. I've attempted to move the training pad and she will generally move her soiling area to where the pad is however, I'm uncertain on how to go about showing her to go outside or rather how to not pee in the house as I don't believe her issue is a lack of understanding that outside=toilet but rather that her issue stems from the lack of understanding that inside=/= toilet.
Any tips or help in how to break this habit? Will a new dog pick up this habit if the older dog does it?(our 1st dog did not) I'm sorry if the text is long.
TL;DR: | Dog has been with us for a long time, has always peed and pooped in the house, on a training pad while we were away or upstairs in our beds. |
t3_4wgzxu | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 33F wondering if it is still possible to find true love beyond your 20ies
POST: I have been single for 7 years after things ended with a great guy. It was because of the long distance but even worse, various deaths and other tragedies in my family, a resulting depression from it and just in general a life that had been tough up until this point.
I have worked through this and for the last few years have finally been happy. I am living the life the way I want it now, have projects, friends, hobbies, travel etc. But what I haven't been able to find is a genuine man who really is available for true love.
Yes, I know, most people want relationships and love, but that doesn't mean they're truly ready to find their soulmate, stick with her or him to the end, be each others best friend, be completely vulnerable with each other etc.
It just feels like every guy I date has some major hang ups concerning relationships and that's why they're still single in their 30ies. Like they don't want committ, they want the player's lifestyle, or they have some racist or other views I cannot deal with. Or an addiction problem, mostly alcohol. Most guys I meet also seem to have someone somehow, either just sleeping with them, texting them etc. No one is truly available.
I feel like my difficult life has made me miss the chance to meet a guy who is interested in the same thing I am: committment, marriage, children, have a good, stable, drama free, drug free life, being kind to each other, making each other happy, being content just to watch a good movie together, have a nice dinner, tell each other all the stories, be there for each other through the good and the bad days... well you know you get my drift.
BTW: No, I am not saying it is impossible to get married at my age or just to find someone. This is never hard I guess. My issues is to find someone who is just as romantic and ready for the big deal just like me and doesn't have any major hang ups as described above.
TL;DR: | Well I guess I am just asking: Are there any males out there more or less my age who have the same issues? Will I ever find someone who shares my values or is it too late? What do you think? |
t3_16scf2 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [m25] and she's 24 and I don't think I can handle being in an open relationship with her anymore
POST: We started off as friends with benefits about 6 months ago. This is probably the longest FWB I've had in the past 3 years. Usually these relationships only last 1-3 months at most. I've never developed any emotional attachment to my previous hook up buddies and now I've gotten myself into a sticky situation. I for once actually care. I've tried hooking up with other girls since we're in an open relationship but I simply feel too guilty even after just making out with another girl. Before, I had no problem fucking two different girls in one day but I actually feel bad. Like I'm doing something wrong when in reality I know I'm not. She has given me the permission to go and sleep with whoever I want.
This has been the most drama filled friends with benefits relationship I've had. About every month she wants to break it off, so we do but then we always end up resuming where we left it off. Well in the past few weeks I've been thinking really hard about how I feel about her and I would really like to date her exclusively. Last night definitely reaffirmed it when I tried hooking up with another girl and I just kept thinking about her and like I said before I've never felt guilty about hooking up with other girls before until now and the worst is we are in an open relationship. I finally have what I always wanted. Someone I can hang out with and I get to have a great time and she also lets me see whoever I want. But the problem is I don't want that anymore. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle the thought of her being with someone else. I definitely know that shes the only girl I want to be with at the moment.
I also know she really doesn't want a relationship. This is her first friends with benefits she ever had. I can tell she really enjoys the freedom of being able to do whatever she wants and not be constricted to only one person.
Anyways, judging from old patterns I can only wonder when she wants to just be friends again. I'm torn between ending it now before I become even more attached than I already am or should I just stick it through and see what will come of it.
TL;DR: | In an open relationship of 6 months, can't decide whether or not to end it now because I've become too attached. I'm 25, shes 24 |
t3_1z100w | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Cheating - would you want to know?
POST: If your SO cheated behind your back with other women/men, would you want to know? Or be left in the dark?
If you knew of someone that fucked with other girls behind his girlfriend's/wife's back, would you tell the SO that didn't know?
Background to my question that I hope to get some kind of insight into:
My SO and I split up [both mid 20's].
We are together again now. While apart, she left her FB logged in on my computer, and like an asshole, I read her messages. Discovered some guy messaging her sexual flirty things and that his girl was out of town etc...she went with it (damn, still hurts to think about).
I don't think my SO knows that I know...
I contemplate emailing the guys SO very subtlety...I don't know though, I know what it's like to be on that end, and I don't want to hurt someone. But I also don't want to sit back knowing this coward can get away with this shit. I'm torn.
What would YOU do?
TL;DR: | if your bf / gf was fucking with people behind your back, would you want to be told? Would you tell if you knew? |
t3_33oedk | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [35 M] with my wife [35 F] of 11 years, I keep screwing things up, and then screwing up again by not working on fixing it.
POST: My wife and I have been together for about 15 years. I've done some stupid things, and have hurt her feelings many times in the past. The biggest things are that I am unreliable. She can't count on me at all. My wife is willing to continue our relationship, and I want to work on fixing these past mistakes. Even though, we are very close to divorce (her words), she and I have been talking every night before bed about the problems we've had, and how I can learn to make things better.
The problem is that we've done this before, and we work on things every night for a couple weeks, and after things go back to a sort of normalcy, I stop bringing it up. We go back into a routine and we don't talk about the problems and when I do something else to hurt her, everything comes flooding back, and we have to start over at square one. How do you continue to work through things, without letting things slip back into a routine where it's not discussed? I genuinely want to work through all these things, but we get busy, or tired, and sometimes it's a whole lot easier to not fight it out. It's my responsibility to bring this stuff up, she can't bring it up all the time, because I'm the one who's doing the stupid things that hurt her. She is amazing, and tries, but she's ready to end it with me if we can't get through our backlog, and make things better.
TL;DR: | We fight, then try to work it out and I get lazy and quit bringing it up, and working on it. |
t3_1z80wq | SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I told the girl I've had a crush on since August how I feel about her and she didn't even know.
POST: So there's this poetry slam coming up on Tuesday that I'm participating in. I wanted to use either this poem or another, but I wanted her to read it or I wanted to read it to her before anybody else saw it. So I was practicing reading it today in front of the whole class. Obviously everyone knew it was a love poem. My teacher, whom I told this poem was about the girl I've had a crush on, told her to come up to the front of the class so she could see if it was easier for me to read it to one person. Me, a social anxiety valedictorian, thought I was going to screw this up royally, but I took a deep breath, and I read it to her exactly how I wanted to read it to her. It was perfect. One of the best feelings in the world. The best part is, after I read it to her, who was like face to face with me, told me it was a sweet and beautiful poem. This is one of the best days of my life. There's nothing better than pouring your heart out to your crush and acing it, and her saying everything you said was lovely. I hope she comes and watches me perform. That would make my day. I might tell her soon that it's about her. It felt so good to tell her how I feel.
TL;DR: | I read a poem about my crush to my crush telling her how I feel about her and she doesn't even know it's for her |
t3_lqh4i | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is the point of the Occupy Wall Street?
POST: First time poster but long time lurker! As a someone with an extensive Finance background I am struggling to understand the point of the Occupy Wall Street movement. The government did "bailout" the banks however, they simply invested money into a system and received a return on investment in return. Yes, Wall Street CEOs get paid tremendous amounts of money but they also have a very high risk/high reward job. If they are successful they should be rewarded as such. If they fail they should be pushed out like many are. Shouldn't the correct focus be on Washington and their failure to prioritize correctly? We have leaders making decisions on sectors of our country that they have no experience. Having a lawyer make business decisions of the country is the equivalent of having a mechanic perform surgery. Help me understand because right now I dont feel as if those within the movement understand the whole picture.
TL;DR: | What would be considered a victory for Occupy Wall Street? What would be the impact to society and our living standards in the US? |
t3_hlr7z | SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Verizon CSR looking to transition into IT networking & security - best course?
POST: i am currently your neighborhood Verizon CSR. Its a average job that pays the bills. I get to deal with tech all day long so I am happy. Tech has always been my passion but now I feel I want to push it from passion to career.
I am interested in moving towards networking and security. Prior to this position I used to work part time while in college as a computer consultant for a friends company, built PCs, hooked them up to Windows networks, configured routers and the sort. Nothing enterprise wise though.
But I am wondering, even though I do not have a degree in Information Technology or Computer Science nor do I have any certifications, I wonder...
Should I at least attempt to get an Associates in Information Technology with a bunch of certifications for networking and security? And if so which ones?
TL;DR: | I understand it is usually more so about experience than it is about traditional degrees and certifications, but since I do not have any true experience with only just networking or security, I was wondering what is the best course? |
t3_2q6nd0 | SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by going to the gym
POST: So like most tifu's this wasn't today, but actually yesterday. I decided I would go to the gym with my boyfriend who is pretty fit and works out quite often. I thought I was doing great. I was keeping up and I was trying to do it all just how he did it.
We decided that in addition to free weights and cardio we would try all the machines so he could teach me how to use them.
So here I am at the leg press. I am doing 110 no problem. My boyfriend decides to bump the weight up to 150. Again it's no big deal. So he says want to try and max out? I say sure. Not really knowing what it means. He puts the weight higher and higher and now I'm at 270 and can't go any higher.
We decide to move on and do the rest of the machines and by the end I am still feeling great.
Later that night I was kind of sore when sitting down or having to squat down to pick something up.
Today I woke up and I was like sweet jesus everything hurts. My legs are barely functioning. I can barely move and I have to get up and go meet my grandparents for lunch. God damnit.
TL;DR: | I went to the gym with my boyfriend thought I was doing great. Next day I can barely move. Send help. |
t3_1en6bz | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (M 26) need to find a way to stay away from my best friend (F 24) who am madly in love with
POST: she is amazing, great we get along so well, we hangout a lot, text a lot and all that, I love her more than I love anything in this world (as a friend) and then am also in love with her, I realized this a while back when she told me she was in love with her coworker (M 28), for a second my body stopped feeling things and I still am in a shock, she is so into him, everything I though she feels toward me she feels toward him, now don't get me wrong her I want her to have everything she wants, If love for her is to be with someone else by all means I couldn't be happier for her, BUT! I can't stand and watch, I just can't I know it is immature and I should be more grown up than this but these feelings is keeping me a prisoner, I can't even focus on other girls I just keep throwing them out of my life even though they are amazing girls, so I need to stay away from her, without telling her how I feel that is not an option, how do I kill this friendship?
TL;DR: | In love with his best friend, she is in love with another dude, I need to stay away from her without telling her why |
t3_20lmve | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: What can my girlfriend (F 21) and I (M 22) do when we're hanging out that isn't watch TV or have sex?
POST: We've been together for 3 years and have watched a lot of TV over that time.
Most of the time we hang out we'll watch something together or play video games. We're both really busy and stressed so it's great to be able to relax with each other. Lately though, I've been feeling like it's become all we do.
We've just finished catching up on Adventure Time and rather than starting another series right away I think it would be fun to do something else for a change, since we seem to just do our default thing and watch TV shows.
We already play video games together so ideally we could find something less digital to do. Or at least something that we could bond and talk while doing.
Thanks!
TL;DR: | We've fallen into a TV watching routine. What can we do to branch out and do other fun things together? |
t3_3x3ij9 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26F] keep want to call my boyfriend [30M] of 7 months the wrong name [personal issue]
POST: Throwaway because he reddits.
I've been dating my AMAZING boyfriend for the last 7-ish months. Met online and he is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. He's actually my only second serious relationship.
My problem is that in my head, I keep wanting to call him by my ex's name. For example, we'll be cuddling and I'll want to say "Love you [ex]" instead of my boyfriend's name. (For context, my first boyfriend and I broke up almost 6 years ago and dated for less than a year. Also, my boyfriend's and my ex's names are not similar in the least!!)
This is really starting to bother me. I took time off dating because my ex was such a royal eff up, and I had to learn what I wanted before I could date again. There's no way in HELL I'm still pinning for him, so why do I keep wanting to say his name? Am I really making more of a deal of this than it really is?
TL;DR: | I keep wanting to call my current boyfriend by my ex's name and it's driving me crazy! Is it really a huge deal or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? |
t3_36i69g | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17M] getting too attached to online girl [16F]
POST: I basically met this girl online, and we hit it off straight away. We texted every day and stayed up until 4am every night. There's even been two occasions where we stayed up until 6am on a school night and I ended up missing school. There have been a few skype calls as well, and this connection we have is great but...
It's only been a month and I'm incredibly attached to someone I've never met, and it's bugging me. When I'm trying to study I'm thinking about her. I just think about her a lot, and since it's exam season there's nothing I can really do to occupy my mind other than study, which is just hard. I don't know what to do.
We've always talked about taking breaks in talking because it was getting ridiculous but it never happened - until now. We haven't really texted properly in 3 days and I guess it's because she's feeling this too and wants to distance herself maybe as I know for sure she has feelings for me too. However it sucks, so much, and I just want to talk to her, but I keep stopping myself.
We've set up to meet after exams so that we're stress free but I want to meet her sooner. It's TWO months. I've gotten incredibly close with this girl and not talking to her just makes me feel shit, but I do want something with her in the long term, so should I just stop talking to her for a while, and if she texts me, then so be it?
It's not like I don't have any friends or I don't speak to any other girls but this girl in particular I've just grown to like so much, shit. I just don't know.
TL;DR: | Gotten too attached to online girl, having break in talking, want to talk to her but not sure if getting too attached online is big mistake. |
t3_2o61jv | SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Does this mean I (26 M) don't have any friends, or does everyone hate me?
POST: So I lost my phone a couple of days ago, and with that happening I got a free flip phone. This sadly meant that all my contacts are gone, and I have no numbers for anybody I know. With this being the case I went to Twitter and Facebook to let all my friends know that I lost my phone and needed peoples numbers and asked for them to send them my way.
So far I've had 7 likes on my post on Facebook, but yet no numbers have been sent my way. Does this mean no one wants to be my friend? Does everyone hate me and just playing nice and pretending to be my friends?
Also, the people that liked my status aren't just acquaintances.
So reddit what could this mean?
Thanks for all the replies and people that took a second to look at this by the way!
TL;DR: | Lost phone and made a post on social networks saying I needed numbers. People saw posts and liked them, but nobody has sent me any numbers. Does everyone hate me, or do I have no friends? |
t3_330ldt | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: She [20F] told me [21M] to think about us, and the more I think about it the less inclined I am to carry on with it. Need some perspective from you guys.
POST: So I've been seeing this girl for a month now and she's wonderful in almost every way, except she hates everything about herself (note: she is not depressed, she is incredibly insecure). Now me on the other hand: I'm easygoing and rarely get angry or annoyed by people, I go out of my way to make others happier, and I don't like to think about my own emotions (this last part is important later).
Today I decided that we need to talk about her insecurity because its starting to pervade into every conversation we have, and she told me that she doesn't want to change her personality for a relationship. This is fine by me, I've known her for a month and I have no place telling her who or what to be. But she was visibly upset by this conversation and asked me what exact traits I liked about her. On the surface of it, I think she's pretty, smart, driven, and lots of great things. But that wasn't the type of answer she was looking for- "I like you because you're so unique and rare personality-wise for XYZ traits, there's lots of pretty and smart girls". So I agreed to go back home and seriously introspect on it because it wasn't something I'd ever thought about.
Now I'm sitting here thinking this.
I do like her and I still can't put words to *why* I do, but the more I think about her personality, the more I realize that she isn't ready to be in a relationship yet. If I go through with this and commit to being with her, I feel like our relationship will be more about her finding herself and me going along for the ride.
TL;DR: | I don't think my potential gf is ready for a relationship yet cause she needs to be less insecure. opinions on the dilemma? |
t3_24p7im | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [21M] support a close friend [21F] whose SO of 2 yrs just passed away recently?
POST: I love this close friend of mine. She entered into a relationship with a Guy[23M] without telling her friends about it. It just so happens that I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy ... that knows the Guy. So I know something was going on between her and the Guy. I didn't notify anyone that I knew what was going on. The Guy gets into an automobile accident and dies. My close friend is just devastated. I was thinking of taking advantage , but then I thought I wouldn't want to become the "rebound" while she is still grieving and healing. So I would just want to support her in any way I can without letting her know that I knew of the relationship. How do I do this?
TL;DR: | Close friend's secret SO of 2 yrs passed away. How do I support her without letting her know I know about the relationship? |
t3_3pipak | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] am having problems keeping a stable emotional level around people.
POST: Hey guys,
So I am someone who's very dependent on emotion/energy to dictate how I act around people. Sometimes I can be 'in the zone' and talk to anyone, and have a great conversation. Usually, when I am like this I am very hyper and I am dictating the flow of the conversation -- I talk fast, and I am fun to be around. Other times I am quiet, soft spoken, awkward, and kind of a grouch. What can I do to stay energetic all the time?
Sometimes, depending on what people say to me, I can get incredibly quiet when talking to people. For example, yesterday I was hanging out with three of my friends, and I was talking about buying a house. All of a sudden, my friend Jason cut me off and had a conversation with Emily. I tried to continue talking to my friend Sam, but at the end Jason said "no one was listening to you." That hurt me, and made me quiet for the rest of the time. Am I being too sensitive? What can I do to not be as sensitive?
TL;DR: | Cannot keep a stable emotional level during discussions. Small things people say to me affect me more than they should. What can I do to combat this? |
t3_2wocks | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27m] broke up with my ex [27m] of 2 years. I mulled it over for months, yet it's still killing me.
POST: I wasn't so sure I wanted to be with my ex anymore. We dated for 2 years and eventually I had to break it off. We were both at a busy time in our lives and I feel like the relationship wasn't getting the time it deserved and I had to end it. Even though I comtemplated the break up for a few months before actually pulling the plug, it still hurts me 2+ months later.
If I was the one that broke up, why is it still killing me inside? How can I over come this? I feel bad enough putting him in this position, but hell, he's probably going to be over it faster than me, at this rate.
TL;DR: | Broke up with an ex of 2 years since it wasn't working out, yet I still like complete crap almost three months later. |
t3_1qmlcs | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 M] work abroad a do not have a permanent home, how do I meet women?
POST: I work a monthly rotation in remote locations around the world. The months when I work, I have zero chance of meeting any women. The other half of the year I spend in hostels either traveling or relaxing in some random country. Needless to say I dont stay anywhere long enough to have a girlfriend, let alone close friends for that matter. People I meet while in hostels tend to be couples, groups of friends, or significantly older than me.
I did meet a great Dutch girl a few months ago and we have been keeping in contact with texting. But we recently became friends on Facebook and I found out she has a boyfriend. I am just starting to feel like I will be alone as long as I am in this job, but I love it too much to quit.
Any tips for meeting women while traveling?
TL;DR: | 22 M working abroad. No permanent home, in a different country every month. Is it possible to build a lasting relationship with a woman? |
t3_2r6iha | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: What if you had the chance to be with someone else?
POST: Me: *M 29* Current SO: *F 26* Former SO: *F 22*
I have been dating a wonderful girl over the past year (long distance). Love her lots. But now, a woman has re-entered my life and has brought the doubts I have over my current relationship further into light.
Current doubts: Accepting the worst of my past, being able to move together to another part of the country, pursue progress and life for as long as we live.
Regarding my past; I have brought it up a bit and shocked her. It doesn't seem like it's an important thing in our relationship, but she doesn't want to hear more of it.
---------------
Ms. Re-entry. There was crazy passionate love. We were more open with each other than with anyone ever, but I couldn't close the flood gates and she was scared/not mature enough to be up front with me and it ended poorly after a short time. Nearly 2 years later, we are both aware of the mistakes we made, apologized and are back on excellent terms with romance clearly still existing passionately between us.
I have been thinking about this for weeks and I'm not sure what to make of it.
Oh, and though I'm sure a lot of y'all will feel the need to tell me that I am doing something horrible, I hope you can refrain from that. I'm very confused and understand how horrible I am at this moment but I can't wrap my head around all of this and that is what I'm here for.
Thanks
TL;DR: | Been dating a girl for a while and an ex stepped back into my life and my head is all over the place. |
t3_4lzpol | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My Gf (F22) and I (M23) were talking about marriage. She said that she doesn't want to lose her last name, due to a promise, and finds it a deal breaker if her future husband doesn't take hers. She is also against combining.
POST: Hi Reddit, my gf and I were talking about marriage, due to the fact that our friends are marrying. During our conversation we started to talk metaphorically if we were to get married. She mentioned that she promised her dad that she would pass on his name since he had only daughters. Her older and younger sister don't believe in marriage.
I am currently the only one of my family capable of passing on my name, I have a cousin and brother but both are still very young. I'm not a stickler for traditions (but I do love/respect them) and was initially open to the idea of possibly sharing last names (smith-jones) since I would like to keep my name (family history and all that) and understood why she wanted to keep hers.
However she said that she wouldn't want to do a compromise, because it would sound weird on her. She also mentioned that she considers it to be a deal breaker if her future husband is unwilling to take her name, adding on that she fully expects to be single forever. Which hurt a lot more.
I am at a lost, marriage is very important in my family, to the point where when I start dating, I consider if I could see myself with them long term. I love this woman and want to make this work. I don't want to end this relationship we've built. Any advice would help.
TL;DR: | Gf doesn't want to change name or compromise, says it's a deal breaker if her future husband doesn't take hers |
t3_4epda8 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: It's that time of the year, and my boyfriend [20M] basically disappears [19F]
POST: Hi reddit,
My boyfriend [20M] and I [19F] have been dating for two years. We are long distance, maybe a couple hours a part, but we skype quite often; typically we skype for 1.5-4 hours a day ( its not all talking, its more the the comfort of the presence), and let the call run through the night as we sleep which has become routine.
However, he recently asked for a bit of space, requesting that we limit our calls to one hour a day, but during that time his whole attention will be on me. I'm completely okay with that, it was a bit of a hit to the ego, but if it's what he wants, okay.
However, 'tis that time of the semester. Exams, and with that being said he doesn't text, doesn't message, doesn't call, and our communication is basically non-existent. And when he does talk to me it's because I've put in the effort in first. There's no call for one hour as he had said and I get that school is important, but I've really taken a back seat. This phase will end at the end of his exams which is in three weeks, but I'm pretty sure it'll be similar re-occurring events every time exams come around. Is this normal for most relationships? Am I in the wrong?
TL;DR: | come exams my boyfriend goes MIA and I feel left in the dust. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? |
t3_513cc1 | SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [21M] stop dating [24F] because of behavior in a her previous relationship?
POST: A few weeks back during the start of the school semester I met a girl who it seems that I've clicked well with. We've been hanging out constantly, going to the gym, studying together, and have gone on several dates. Everything has been going great. However, I think there might be a red flag with her.
The other night we went out for dinner and then went to the park where we ended up talking for a couple of hours. The conversation led to her mentioning how she was in a shitty relationship with a ex boyfriend form a while back and how they would cheat on each other. My first thought was that this was a deal breaker for me since from what I can tell, people who previously cheat in relationships tend to follow that behavior in future relationships. But then she further explained that her cheating was never physical, only emotional. In my mind, cheating is cheating, but she then further explained that her relationship with this guy was right during the time that her parents were divorcing which was pretty hard on her.
She told me me how she was very depressed during that time because of her parents divorce which made me think that her emotional cheating was a way of looking for support since her boyfriend wasn't really there for her. She also explained that the relationship was a huge wake up call for her since up until the end of that relationship, she never took her relationships serious. Her mentality was backwards in that if the relationship faced a road block she would want to to break up instead of trying to over come it.
For the most part, I feel like I should continue to date her and see how things pan out. I feel like I can look past the fact that she cheated on her ex boyfriend, given the circumstances at the time. Although, I slightly feel as if her behavior in her previous relationship is a red flag. Should I be worried?
TL;DR: | girl I'm dating emotionally cheated in a previous relationship. It was with a crappy ex boyfriend and was during a low point in her life where her parents were divorcing. Should her cheating be seen as a red flag? |