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I don’t love my sister. I would never wish her harm, but if I could, I would wish for us not to be related. Is this cruel? Why must blood mean we have to be friends? Am I being unreasonable and is there a way to fix this? I do care about her, like I do every human being, but I’d rather be with my friends than be with her at all. It’s not just a "teenager phase." I still love my mom and dad, and I’m very close to them. However, it’s my sister I don’t love or have ever really liked at all.

Not liking someone is not cruel - even if it is a family member. There is nothing wrong with you for not liking your sister. Some people are fortunate to have siblings that they get along with really well, other don't. We all have different personalities and we are not going to like everyone - even if they are related. In fact, sometimes being related makes it harder because you know all of each other's flaws and imperfections. With that being said - it may be worth it to make an effort to talk about the things that get in the way of having the kind of relationship that you might ideally want with your sister. Sometimes it is hard to like someone if we have a lot of old frustration and resentment and being able to talk about it in a constructive and kind way can lead to more understanding and respect, and sometimes actually liking each other. 

I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that, at this rate, I won’t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal. Most people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes.

It is very hard to want a loving relationship, and either see or imagine all around you, the great times other couples are having. Extra hard is that other people's comments may start giving you the sense that you are letting them down to not have a relationship!All the fantasies that develop from viewing Facebook photos and imagining everyone or most people in ideal relationships, just augments any frustration of not being part of this group.Your post sounds like you're being true to yourself and honoring who you are really, by developing clear standards of what you'd expect from a relationship.For the longterm, whatever develops in your relationship life, you will always be able to look back and know you had self-integrity. By being your natural self, you're being attractive.   Probably very unlikely that a young woman who would like a relationship, will never have one.Maybe the young men in your school are not yet emotionally mature enough to know how to see and appreciate you.Even though it may be hard, have patience with bringing in someone who is good for you.  And, continue your keen insight of yourself because it is guiding you to be the best in all areas of living.Sending good luck in all areas!

tell be about dumbbell sumo squat

the dumbbell sumo squat is a popular lowerbody movement using a single dumbbell held in front of the legs it is performed with a wider than shoulderwidth stance which increases the demand on the glutes hamstrings and adductors while still benefiting the quads core and upper body it is usually performed for moderate to high reps at least reps per set as part of the lowerbody portion of a workout

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up.  Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes! So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope!  As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him. Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage. What is it about you he fell in love with? What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband? What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate? Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be! Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:"The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel"Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage" by William & Carleen Glasser"Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again" by Michelle Weiner-Davis"The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman & Nan Silver"The Five Love Languages" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.

I was kidnapped at fourteen and raped at gunpoint. The guy got six months. When the same thing happened with two "friends" at nineteen, I didn't even report it.

Wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.  My heart goes out to you.  Please find a therapist who specializes in working with PTSD.  Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing are all highly effective therapies for complex interpersonal trauma.  If you are interested in reading about trauma from a compassionate and scientific perspective I highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score. 

I really like this guy and I think he likes me back, but his sister is my bestfriend. I'm afraid that if I tell her I have a crush on her brother she would loose it. I once told her I thought her brother was cute and she got really angry. I've gotten to know her brother better lately and I've realized he may actually feel the same way. I don't want to lose her friendship. What do I do?

Do you and the brother to whom you feel attracted, ever see each other or are in surroundings in which the sister/your friend, isn't?If yes, then this gives you the chance to find out whether you and the brother actually do like each other.If no, then definitely have a private and direct conversation with your friend about the fact you're attracted to the brother.Find out the reason your friend becomes angry to hear you like the brother.Anything is possible from, she'd like to warn you about qualities in her brother which you may not know and if you did, wouldn't like or react negatively.Or, if protection isn't your friend's reason, then maybe she's fearful to lose your friendship if you start a relationship with the brother.Friends are people who care about each others' lives.  Let your friendship with this girl work on behalf of each of you!

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?

Certainly counselling can help. however, there is a caveat, namely, you will need the right counsellor with the right approach. This leads to two questions: 1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor, and 2) What is the right approach?1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor? The right counsellor will almost certainly have a lot of experience. He or she will have done a lot personal work and have an ongoing practice of inner work both on their own and with the support of an experienced therapist. This person will be viewing you as a human being with challenges, not as a diagnostic category. He or she will be willing to work with you over an extended period of time and have experience doing such work. Further they will be well versed in approaches that are responsive to you in the moment and overall. The in-depth work will be collaborativel designed in an ongoing way that is responsive to you, the moment, your overall life experience, and their in-the-moment experience. It goes without saying that you will subjectively evaluate the felt sense of connection with this person and the feeling that they are invested in their work with you, value you as a human being, and value the connection. As well, it is crucial that you feel this connection and that your therapist 'gets you.' 2) What is the right approach?  As Carl Jung stated, "When the doctor sits down with the patient he (or she) must drop all theories and learn the theory of this person." The approach must include a bond between you and your therapist that is in a continuous process of development, attention to pre-verbal imprinting, development of awareness ability, ongoing development of the ability to attend to and stay with inner experience, development of a process orientation, attention to egoic structures that were seeded from the earliest days in the service of perceptions of threats to needs being met, identification of current egoic states and work with these inner selves and their relationship with each other to facilitate movement from developmental points of arrest, increased ability to access and contain non-ordinary states of consciousness, attending to what is, and working with this in the service of moving towards optimal human development.depression is generally experienced as the system shutting down. anxiety is a signal that something is wrong. anxiety is not the problem. it is a sign that there is a problem. the core of these issues is a lack of inner security that is the outcome of insufficient bonding. the work of psychotherapy is to establish an environment and relationship that will facilitate work with the bonding ruptures and re-initiation of the developmental process that stopped at an early stage.

After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?

After meeting a client, many Counselors will ask you lots of questions in order to complete a thorough assessment of what you came to counseling for. This assessment is required by most insurances and allows the Counselor to give a diagnosis, which is also required by most insurances in order for them to pay the Counselor. If you are paying out of pocket, this diagnosis is not really required for payment, but many Counselors will still perform a comprehensive assessment because we really want to know what the issues are that brought you to us. The better we understand what it is that bothers you, what you would like to get out of the counseling, and all the various things that tend to affect people such as family upbringing and medical issues, the easier it is for us to help you reach those goals. How the counseling actually plays out from there depends a lot on the theory that the Counselor uses to direct their approach to counseling, and that information is too much for this little post.

what are some effective ways to maintain bone health and prevent conditions like osteoporosis

exercise aim for at least minutes of physical activity most days of the week including weightbearing activities like running jogging or walking watch your calcium intake make sure your diet includes enough calcium to support strong healthy bones get enough vitamin d vitamin d helps your body absorb calcium so make sure you are getting enough vitamin d from foods like egg yolks dairy products fatty fish and fortified cereals avoid smoking and excessive alcohol consumption both of these can increase the risk of developing osteopor

I constantly feel like everyone is up against me and trying their best to shut me down. It's ruining my mood and even my whole self. I have trouble sleeping, and I keep having sleep paralysis while dreaming of others mocking and judging me.

The problem you describe sounds very wearing on your spirit.Are there particular reasons for why you feel everyone hates you?Have you been in a clash of ideas or opinions and feel yourself in the minority viewpoint?Or does your sense of being shut out start within your own mind, as though you anticipate that others will not like what you say?If actual conversations are leading you to feel left out, then evaluate whether to bring up certain points to the other person.Or, you may also decide that the relationships in which you feel shut out, are no longer worthwhile ones for you.If the problem is hesitating to interact because you imagine others will reject you, then maybe you can coach yourself into trying a small step toward introducing yourself and your thoughts to others.

I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter. About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly. Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help.

It is great that you are noticing these changes with your daughter. I can’t offer advice without knowing much more about your particular situation but some things to think about:Has something else happen recently that has been stressful, upsetting?Is your daughter trying to communicate something to you and if so what might that be?Have you discussed these recent changes with her? (Without being too serious or accusatory)There is so much changing for her (and you) now-communication and connection are crucial. I hope you both can talk to a supportive person about all these changes.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now. Throughout the entire first day that we met, he and I had the opportunity to interact quite a lot and instantly sparked a deep connection with one another. That same night, he and a friend stayed over at my house (without my mom's acknowledgment) and we kissed. The next two days were a repetition of the first day. On the third night, my mother finally caught us, and I was kicked out of my house. I left with him of course, and we went from meeting each other to being like a married couple. It was very hard for us. His stepdad also kicked him out of his home, and we were staying at cheap hotels and friend's houses with the little money we had. I quit my job and dropped out of school because it was hard to do anything without a stable home. There were times when we had nowhere else to go but sleep in the car outside a Walmart parking lot. Our honeymoon stage, as they call it, probably only lasted one month. After that, it was a downward spiral. We were constantly arguing about money, food, and our families. We kept having the famous "you're doing it wrong—do it this way" argument. After six months, we moved across the country only to live the same thing, and that's when the violence started. One afternoon, after a serious argument, he got into his truck and threatened to leave me. I was frightened that he would actually go through with his word, given that we had just moved to a place where we knew no one. He told me to let him leave or he would hit me. He had once promised he would never touch me, so I challenged him to do it. He slapped me, and ever since that time, when we have serious fights, he loses control and hurts me. I haven't had the courage to leave him, and there's really nothing stopping me now. I don't live with him, I don't depend on him, and we don't have children. We both haven't been able to let go of that deep connection that we still have and that has been damaged so badly. He always apologizes, and at the beginning, he was more willing to change. Now he just wants me to understand why he does it and how I don't ever make the effort to try to be okay. I've read enough about domestic violence to know that it's not my fault that he loses control, so that's not even an issue for me. I know he has to change that on his own. I just want to know if there's people who have gone through this and had the tables turned? Is there hope for a better future together?

Hi Winters, I learned a long time ago that I can't ever predict who will change and who won't. I meet couples who seem to have all the ingredients but can't make it work, and others who have severe issues and they decide to make better decisions and things change. But in reading your story, the image of a slot machine came to mind. You're gambling your life away on the chance that this guy will change. Only you can decide how many years to give it. I see him giving you clear signs that he doesn't even believe in himself or want to change though. What are you waiting for?Although you say you know his behaviours aren't your fault, something tells me that you're hoping your love for him will turn the key that unlocks something and makes him want to change. It doesn't work that way. Just like the slot machine, you have no power to change him or make this work. You can only decide when you've paid too much. I bet there's someone out there who loves and misses you. He's not your only support. 

She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives.

To be honest, I think more information would be really important here because what you are asking could have a lot of different meanings. Consider making an appointment with a local therapist to discuss what you are going through.

She treats me like I'm not in her presence. She’s always yelling at me for no reason. She gives more respect to my brothers than me, but only my brothers fight her while I respect her.

Attention is not equal to love and being valued. It may be precisely because your brothers demand so much more your mom's attention through fighting with her that she pays more attention to them. It is a common situation in families where the "squeaky wheel gets the grease" and the siblings or family members who don't demand as much attention end up feeling invisible. It sucks to feel invisible and it is important that there is attention for you and that you know how much your mom loves and values you.  This sounds like an important conversation to have with your mom and if she is not able to really understand or help you address this concern you may want to suggest doing some family therapy where a skilled therapist can help you and your family work this out.

I spent my whole life taking care of my dad, but left because of his verbally abusive behavior. I was the only one that helped with his health issues. I feel if I hadn't left he might still be alive. I need help dealing with my grief and guilty conscience.

I see such a sharp contrast between your question and your first sentence. Do you see it? "I feel guilty about my father's death", and "I spent my WHOLE LIFE taking care of my dad." Wow. After everyone else had left him to his misery, you hung in there. He is so lucky to have had you there. You didn't have to do that. I have a hunch that your dad blamed you for a lot of things. Abusive people do that a lot; they make you believe things are your fault when they're not. You did the opposite of what you fear you did. You didn't contribute to your dad's death; your selfless care gave him a longer life...better health. In the end, no one's love and care could save him. No one could fault you for deciding you had had enough at some point. I would never expect anyone to keep putting themselves in a hurting place over and over again. But this is what you did. You did it for him, and you did it so you wouldn't feel guilty. But you feel guilty anyway, right?...so putting yourself in that position was only worth it if you allow your loving acts to melt away the guilt. Can you tell yourself "It's okay that I had to take care of myself too."... "I gave up a lot for my dad; I have nothing to feel guilty about".Putting yourself last for your dad was a loving thing to do. And... my hope is that you can also find different ways to help yourself feel "good enough" in this world, and a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.  :)

I used to be the funny guy of the group—the class clown, if you will. I used to laugh uncontrollably all the time and be able to be social without it feeling awkward. Now I can't laugh at all, and I'm dead inside.

If you look back to when you feel as though you were the "funny guy," I wonder what is different now? It may be that responsibilities have changed or any number of other things.I don't know whether you're also saying that you feel sad or if you're saying that you feel as though you don't have any big changes in your feelings.A lot of us tend to be really busy, and sometimes we over schedule ourselves to the point that we don't have time to have positive time for ourselves. Sometimes even if we are spending time with friends, we're thinking about work and all of the other things we need to do.I wonder if it feels awkward when you're with friends that you trust in an environment that you are used to. Maybe if that is more comfortable for you, it can be a stepping stone to focusing on how you feel better in those moments.It sounds as if you may have had an experience (or more than one) where you felt misunderstood or criticized and now reacting to people feels awkward. If so, try going back to people you trust. Who do you have support from?

How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling.  A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client.  This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time.  If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy.  The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities.  Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care.  If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care.  In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit.  A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship.  For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship.  In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist.  Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment.

A friend of mine taking psychology advised I go to my doctor to check if I have major depressive disorder. I'm afraid of the consequences of doing so. If I do become diagnosed with major depressive disorder, won’t that go on my records? I will never be able to become a counselor along with a list of other things I may be prohibited from. I’m also afraid of taking any anti-depressants. This year, my doctor gave me some for a "dislocated hip." I had a severe reaction and passed out moments after taking them. Everyone I know who has taken anti-depressants says it’s a bad idea all around and you’re better getting treatment without them. I’m concerned they might take me to a clinic and force me to take medication because I am unable to make decisions on my own. I’m not really suicidal, but I am not really taking care of myself either. Someone also told me they still use electroshock therapy. I’m not keen on that. I’m wondering if I am better off just getting self-help and working things out on my own. It’s just that I've been an emotional mess since I was in elementary school. I’ve graduated now and tried to stay positive and be happy, but I cannot deny I still am not good.

I admire your courage for stating your view about anti-depressants.  Questioning mainstream thinking and being in touch with your own views, are signs of strength and clarity in a person.As a therapist, I always tell my patients to avoid anti-depressants.Their effectiveness is in suppressing a person's mood and feelings.  If someone does not know how they are feeling, then they will have more difficulty in understanding themselves, their uncertainties and hesitations, and overall, how they relate to others and what they expect from others.Anti-depressants mask how someone feels.In a crisis, temporarily taking anti-depressants may be helpful.  If someone is so overwhelmed that they are not functioning, then  suppressing unhappy feelings so that the person can get through a day, may be of benefit for a short while.Basically, respect and follow your own opinion about anti-depressants.   Your view is shared by many.   It is a minority opinion, and very valid. If you would like to shop for a therapist, ask the person on the phone, what their opinions are about anti-depressants.Ideally, you will eventually find a therapist who thinks in a way which is similar to you, or at least similar enough that you will have a sense that you are able to trust working with them on whatever you define as problematic.I hope you will have an easy and productive therapist search!

I have terrible anxiety and depression. I've tried various therapists and pills, but nothing's helped.

Is it possible you simply didn't mix well with the particular therapists with whom you've worked?   If this is possible, interview a therapist before  starting therapy.   Then you will be choosing a therapist who feels compatible with your way of seeing yourself and your life.Also, therapy isn't for everyone.Read about the different healing modalities and see if one of these speaks to your interest in feeling better.What matters most is finding among all the legitimate healing methods, what you believe will be effective.

I don’t love my sister. I would never wish her harm, but if I could, I would wish for us not to be related. Is this cruel? Why must blood mean we have to be friends? Am I being unreasonable and is there a way to fix this? I do care about her, like I do every human being, but I’d rather be with my friends than be with her at all. It’s not just a "teenager phase." I still love my mom and dad, and I’m very close to them. However, it’s my sister I don’t love or have ever really liked at all.

Hi. My guess is there's a lot of deep history here that I don't know about. Have you felt hurt by your sister in the past, or are you just 'different people'? It's a common feeling people have about siblings; that they're very different and they wouldn't choose them as friends, but most people stay connected to family unless there's a good reason not to. We don't choose our family, do we? Your feelings are normal and they don't make you cruel. If you were mean to her, that might be a different thing. It might be considered cruel to cut her out of your life for no reason, but choosing to not hang out with her a lot isn't cruel, in my mind. Perhaps you at least owe your sister kindness and respect (if she respects you), but not necessarily friendship. How you respond here is up to you; there are no rules. You get to decide how much 'family' means to you and how much time you spend with friends or family. This may shift at different times in your life though. Cutting all ties with a sister now (you haven't said you want that though) might mean she won't want to be there for you in the future when you need her. Also, how you treat your sister affects your other family members as well. There are many things to consider here, but the bottom line is that you get to surround yourself with the people you want in your life.

I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

"Normal" can be an insidious word to use because it can undermine your sense of worth.  It implies there's one particular way you should be behaving and can leave you feeling crappy and "abnormal" if you're not behaving according to that prescribed standard.  Instead, what I'd recommend is to pay attention to your emotional experiences when you're attending therapy.  Explore your feelings and thoughts without judgement and try to reflect and understand what's going on that's causing you anxiety.  Once you figure out the underlying meaning of the anxiety, you can figure out a way to handle it and action steps to take to diminish it.

tell be about lying closegrip bar curl on high pulley

the lying highcable biceps curl is an unusual move for building the bicepsbut its a highly effective one lying prone and curling down toward you provides a different stimulus than more standard approaches allow

On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest. How do I fix this?

Wear baggy clothes to disguise the problem and if you do this for a long enough time, then your friends may forget what size boobs you have.Can you tell your parents what you wrote here?  If yes, then maybe they will be empathetic and this always helps.They may also agree to not make any comments about your boobs when you wear the bigger bra around your friends when they visit you at home.Also, its possible your friends already have questioned why you wore a bigger bra than your boobs.  Maybe they saw what was going on the whole time during the school year and felt too awkward to tell you.

I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Please do not worry about crying. People cry, laugh, rage, rant, and talk during counseling sessions. Part of the therapy process is to look at your feelings, and to feel what you are actually feeling (instead of what you think you should feel). So if you need to cry, that's ok. If you feel embarrassed because you cried, or if you feel anxious that you might cry, well those feelings are ok as well. Your counselor can help you manage your feelings so that you can attain your goals, and your counseling session is the perfect place for that.

I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home). The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings. What can I do?

Be lighthearted, this toddler may not be a morning person! He is most likely wanting to connect with either parent when he arises in the morning. It could be helpful to talk with his parents and establish a routine that he would be comfortable with.

tell be about exercise ball chest stretch

the exercise ball chest stretch is a simple stretch for the pectoral muscles that can be made more dynamic with help from a medicine ball it can work in a dynamic warmup paired with movements in a workout or as part of a cooldown or recovery strategy if the stretch causes pain in the front of your shoulder dial back the intensity or choose another chest stretch

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Because you put this under the category of spirituality, I'm not sure whether you are asking how you find yourself as far as religious or spiritual beliefs or overall.If you are talking about learning more about religious or spirituality, consider either going to or speaking with someone who is involved with a nondenominational church service (the Salvation Army usually has something) so you can discuss questions or ideas that you may have.As far as finding yourself in general, I suggest considering what makes you happy and/or comfortable. I also wonder if looking at the list of values here may be helpful to you: http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Bravo, on your success in securing a job and also for being proactive with your need. Starting a new job can be scary and having to travel away from your home and family can make it even more anxiety provoking. Do allow yourself to be anxious about this new journey, we can be hard on ourselves, think if it was a friend that was turning to you for help, what solutions would you have offered them, but also continue to seek to secure right support as well. Talking to your physician is always a good place to start; your physician can tell you if there are organic influences causing your anxiety that may be out of your control. Additionally, talking to close or compassionate family and friends is always good. It is important that you turn to supportive people at the time of emotional need, talking about our challenges can help break the cycle of anxiety at least momentarily. Remember, to further your success, it requires a healthy self, if you have supportive relationships relying on and turning to people who can be there without judgment is great. Healthy lifestyle like eating right, sleeping enough, and regular exercise also never fails to help improve overall emotional health. Additional self-care measures such as repeated relaxation practices can help you become more familiar with your nervous systems reactivity and you can implement strategies to ease anxiety in various situations as it demands. The more resources the better you will be equipped to manage challenges and concerns at the time notice.  You can find a lot from the internet too, use your best judgment as what may not be appropriate for you there are some wonderful apps on most smartphones that can help you learn and practice grounding strategies to ease anxiety. If you have access to a therapy you find more specific strategies that would best fit your needs. Good luck, wish you a happy journey and much success.

I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way?

My first reaction to this is that It sounds like you rely alot on the impressions and projections of the outside world, that you need validation from other people to compensate for a lack of something on the inside, build yourself up on the inside, work on yourself, use positive affirmations daily, it would be wise for you to research some self-construct theory and do some self-concept work.Hope this helps,C

I'm in a relationship, but I feel like I'm always putting more into it and not getting reciprocated. My ex told me that I will never find anyone else, and that's lingering in the back of my mind.

The most crucial key to any relationship is that mutual feeling you hold between you both: that you matter. Sounds like you are stuck in a cycle of hearing your ex say you don't matter. That's why it didn't work with him btw. He wasn't reflecting to you that you mattered. However it ended, clearly though that's the sentiment that's lingering with you. So here you are hanging around a new man why is telling you the same message. Move on. You aren't unworthy, you just haven't found a man who is worthy of you! To be worthy of you, he must see your worth. Often though before anyone else can see your worth, you have to believe it.  

I have been with a guy for 4 years, he's a great guy and we also have a son together. The problem is that I'm in love with a guy that I've been talking to for about 2 years but I've never met him in person. Honestly I'm bored with the relationship I have with the first guy and he makes want to go after the second guy, I don't know how to tell him that. What should I do?

Hi there. Wow, this sounds like a sticky situation; however, I’m here to help guide you through this decision. First and foremost, you must ask yourself, if you ever loved your sons’ father or was it a situation to where you two got pregnant and stayed together for the child. It’s very common to stay with your partner when a child is involved regardless, if love is involved or not because “it’s the right thing to do.” Right? Well, not entirely. Although, staying with your partner because you have a child together may seem right, in fact, it hurts the child in the long run. If you are not love with your partner, you will show distance, unhappiness, sadness, possibility of frequent arguments and cheating. When a child grows up in the home and witnesses these types of emotions & behaviors it is unhealthy as he/she will expect their own relationships to be such. As a responsible adult, you are supposed to be there to shape and model the future for your child. Just remember, what you do, your child will model. Secondly, do not sell yourself short from love. Everyone deserves to be happy and to have someone to share their love and intimacy with. However, being in love with someone you have never seen before can be very risky. Honestly, that sounds like lust and the longing of love. Humans have needs and when people are unhappy in their current relationship, they often seek out what they need. If you decide to pursue the second relationship, I would suggest setting up an outing with a friend or two in order to get to know this person as there are a lot of scammers these days. Finally, I am not convinced that this has anything to do with choosing between two guys. This seems as if you are making a decision to end the relationship with your child’s father or not. You should ask yourself, if you were in love with your child’s father first off. If you were, you would have never sought after love. I hope this was helpful for you and I hope I was able to shed a different light on your situation. Take care of yourself!

She has chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, and I’m her caregiver. All she does is complain, hit me, call me names, and say things happened that didn’t. When I tell her, she explodes. I didn’t always hate her, but now every little thing she does irritates me, and I don’t have the means to live on my own.

It sounds like you are hating some of the things that your mom does rather than hating her.Something you may be able to do is call the area agency on aging for the county where you live and ask for information about having other people help to care for your mom. I don't know how old your mom is, but if she is younger, they would probably have resources to other ways that you could have help. If you are both open to the possibility of someone else helping out, this may help with some of the difficulties between you if you are not spending quite as much time together. Do you think your mom is able to actually recognize how what she does and says affects you?From whom do you have support during all of this?

I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed.

First I think we have to acknowledge that you are doing something amazing.  You are putting yourself out there and becoming a Water Safety Instructor.   We often times will focus on the negative and forget about the positive.  Next, you had an incident where someone pointed something out which may have caused embarrassment.  Whether or not it was malicious on his part I think the important thing to focus on is what is called "Common Humanity".  Common Humanity is one of the three elements of self-compassion.  Common humanity essentially recognizes that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience.  While you may have had this embarrassing moment at this time, that boy may have had an embarrassing moment another day.  We all have embarrassing moments.  When we recognize that we do not suffer in isolation then we are able to move past that suffering.  Additionally another element to self-compassion is self-kindness.  My question is why must you forgive yourself?  Rather, be kind to yourself for learning an amazing new talent.

After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life. I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40. Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away. How can I get my life back?

You already are doing that! You are reaching out (virtually still counts!). You are accepting your past, you are not denying what happened to you, you are talking about the past. You are already doing a great job of starting this journey. You get your life back by doing things differently.I would think about how you would like to process your past. Do you want to talk to someone? Do you want to write about it? Do you want to pray about it? Do you want to read and research books about trauma? Take some time and think about what you want to do. Think about what would work for you and dive in. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, so I am biased - but I really believe that counseling works. Having an objective, professional voice that can guide you on this process is so valuable. But please choose what makes you feel comfortable - not what everyone else says. I think you are very brave for reaching out and wanting to work on this. That takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength.

I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

People do cry in therapy sometimes, but it's not at all necessary to cry in order for most kinds of therapy to be helpful. When you start counseling you don't yet know your counselor very well, so it's normal to keep your feelings in check until you feel comfortable and a bit more relaxed with your counselor and with the situation. Sometimes, though, there are emotions that have been waiting and waiting to finally find someone who will listen with a kind ear. If you feel safe right away in the situation with your counselor, you might just cry in spite of your fears about it. Your therapist is used to people expressing how they feel and will keep strict confidentiality, so even though it's embarrassing, finally experiencing someone truly listening with empathy and kindness may just be worth it. It's okay too to let your counselor know right at the beginning that you're kind of freaked out about getting too emotional in front of another person.

Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem?

Anger does have its place.  When anger is experienced often or the magnitude of it does not fit the scenario, such as your losing comb, the question becomes, what does losing that comb mean to you?  In the very split second that you have realized the comb is missing, there is a reaction that occurs within you, accompanied by an image or thought that like lightening flashes so quickly that you may not be aware what it is.  As Sherry noted below, awareness.  Awareness is fundamental.  Becoming aware of ourselves and what is happening internal that sparks it off.  The next time you feel angry from a "small thing", stop and ask yourself, why am I angry that this is lost?  Find out what you are thinking or how you are speaking to yourself.  You will become aware and once you are aware, steps can be taken to alter the experience for the better. A professional can assist with that!

My husband used a lot of negative words to hurt me, and I moved out. He is seeing a counselor and wants another chance to make things right. I'm not sure if I trust that he will not go back to his old ways.

I am glad he is seeing a counselor.  That is something that most men struggle with doing at times.  Time will tell if his actions are of good intentions.  However remember that a person can only do to you what you allow them to do in relationships.   What part did you play?  Did you down play his disrespect at one time?  Did you give up the power of your own voice?  Did you lose yourself in the relationship and it became just one sided?  Did you allow him to make you doubt yourself?   In others words, if you do decide to give him another chance, what would you do different?  Not saying that you are the blame or cause of the negative words AT ALL, but don't allow such disrespect from him or anyone else in the future.  If you do decide to give it another try, go in with a voice, with the demand of respect, with your needs and wants expressed and expected.  With an increase in your self worth and confidence, you will know what to do if his actions are true or if with dishonest intentions.   Seek counseling as well, if you need that additional support to find self. 

I'm a teenager, and I created a sort of imaginary friend to help me cope with stressful situations or if I'm worried or upset. She "gives me advice" and comforts me and tells me it'll be okay. I've given her a name (Solace) and created a personality for her that's like a comforting motherly figure. I know it's just my own advice and my own thoughts, but it's just that I'm thinking of them through a voice other than my own. I do this because I know I never really listen to my own advice, and I thought it would be better if it was through someone else who knew my thought process in and out, through this imaginary friend. Is this normal? Could it develop into a separate personality with time if I continue a mentality that she is her own person?

Since you are saying that you know that the thoughts are yours and your thinking of them in a different person's voice to make them easier for you to follow through on, it doesn't sound like it could develop into another personality.It may be helpful to also find other things that give you comfort and to practice telling yourself that it will be okay in your own voice. If you start to do that slowly, it may be more comfortable for you. If you're following following through with your own advice, it sounds like some part of you knows that you are making choices that you agree with.What else gives you comfort? Maybe there's a room that you like to be in when you are home or a certain outfit or color that makes you feel good. Focusing on these things may also be comforting to you.

My dad passed away when I was a teenager. I never got any help, and five years later, I feel like I can't handle it anymore.

It's never to late to get help with grief.  Get help as soon as possible before you are feeling the same way 5 years from now.  You will always miss your Dad but getting help with coping with his loss will make life easier to live.   

I self-harm, and I stop for awhile. Then when I see something sad or depressing, I automatically want to self-harm.

Self-harm has a way of becoming a go-to method of coping. When we get stuck using self-harm as a way to deal and manage emotions, when something serious happens it totally makes sense that that will be one the first things to go through the mind. It is its own kind of addiction. There is a therapy, DBT or, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which focusing on giving you new tools to get through hard times, understand and manage your emotions, to stay present and to deal with relationships. This one of the most effective interventions there is for self-harm. If you are interested in DBT, reach a local therapist in your area and ask if they do DBT or can recommend you to a DBT program. This can help immensely. Self-harm recovery is totally possible, but it is definitely hard work!

Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy.

Your partners obviously very confused when it comes to love. Sometimes people shy away from good and positive relationships and companionship because their afraid. They know that it's something worth holding on to but most feel they can't handle it and can't meet up to their partners expectations. Your partner loves you but must have fear that keeps standing in his way. It could also mean their afraid of getting hurt or disapointed in the long run.  Give your partner comfort and reassurance that they can come to you to confide in you about anything that may be bothering them. 

how can i maintain a positive body image and cultivate a healthy relationship with my physical appearance

spend time focusing on your internal health take notice of how different foods make you feel and how exercising regularly makes you feel acknowledge the physical changes that come with working out and eating well but aim to measure progress in terms of your internal progress spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself surround yourself with people who are supportive and help to boost your selfesteem and confidence take a break from social media if it begins to affect your selfesteem unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself and focus on following people

Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Yes, absolutely. In therapy you will be delving into topics and feelings that are often suppressed throughout daily life. As you explore many emotions may come up, anger, disappointment, grief, frustration, sadness, to name a few. These and many other emotions often lead to crying and your therapist will be there to hold space and support you through it. Crying is a very healthy release of energy so feeling comfortable enough with your therapist that it happens during session is a great thing!

Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.

Hi California, What you're experiencing is indeed anxiety; it's very common. Through research we know a lot of things about how to reduce anxiety. I'll get you started and it's a great idea to connect with a therapist who can build on these ideas and get to know you well.It's natural to have random thoughts that unsettle us. Our brains are complex, wonderful things. Fearful and anxious thoughts are a part of this picture; their purpose is to prepare us for the future and to help us make sense of the past and learn from it. But what happens sometimes is that our alarm systems get out of whack and get set off too easily. We often spend TOO MUCH time worrying about things that happened or might happen. When these thoughts take away from our enjoyment of life, it becomes a problem. So, while fear and anxiety try to protect us, they also seek power and will take any power they can get.In general, fear and anxiety try to tell us one or both of two things: that something is wrong with us, or that something bad will happen (or that something bad will happen because there's something wrong with us). They will use anything they can as evidence to convince you. For example... "That person looked at you funny. You're strange looking". Well there are dozens of possible explanations for the look on that person's face, and it's unlikely it had anything to do with you. For you personally, your thoughts are about the afterlife...about living forever. What does fear tell you will be uncomfortable about living forever? What would the worst part be? A therapist would help you dig deep to find the core of what you fear. It might be that you have no control over who you are or where you go. It might be that you fear going to hell because you're "bad". Search for that deepest fear.I invite you then to picture that thought as a glass of water on a shelf. It's a heavy glass, and if you held it in your hands for a while and stared at it, it would get in the way; you'd be uncomfortable and unable to focus on your life. That's what's happening now. I suggest that the problem is not so much the thought you're having; we all have random silly thoughts that usually aren't true. The problem is how long you're holding it in your hand. You could have that thought (pick up that glass) a hundred times a day and, as long as you put it right back on the shelf, it's not a problem. The trick is to get it back on that shelf.Right now, you're using distraction to do this. You're trying to focus on other things around you, but I think the glass is still in your hand. It's not enough; you're looking for more tools to get that glass back on the shelf.  And the key is in your thoughts. Once you find out what fear is trying to tell you, then you can "talk back to" fear. So, as an example, if fear is saying to you "you have no control over anything", then you can work to accept the pieces you don't have control over, learn to tolerate that feeling, and claim back the pieces you CAN control. You CAN control the extent to which you let fear take you over. With a therapist you can learn to "refute" fears' ideas. You can learn to look for concrete evidence of fear's lies and gain back control over your thoughts. I wish you the best!

I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal.  That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact.  In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings.  Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different.  The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns.  Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.  

how can i stay active during the winter months

winter can be challenging but there are options try indoor activities like home workouts yoga or dance bundle up for outdoor walks or snow sports keep moving to maintain your fitness level

My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

The only two people who know the answer to your question are your husband and the prostitute.The question you did and can answer is the reason you would doubt your husband, which is bc of his multiple stories.Ideally your husband cares to restore your sense of confidence in the stories he tells you.If you state your doubts and your interest for the truth, ideally he will produce enough evidence of the truth so you will have facts and can make sense of them.   Hopefully the two of you will do this sense making together, especially if he did have sex w the prostititute.If he's unwilling to care about restoring your trust in him, then this is a different problem entirely.

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Anxiety can cause such a feeling of discomfort in our bodies that it can seem unbearable. The concern that I can hear in what you have written is that the thought of having some anxiety has now left you uncomfortable with any anxiety at all - and that can become a problem, indeed. As opposed to thinking about your anxiety as something much bigger than you, it could be helpful to start breaking it down. What are the things specifically that cause you anxiety about this new job? Is it being away from your family? If so, why? Once you start breaking down what causes you to feel anxiety into smaller "mouthfuls", then we are far better able to understand what has led to discomfort and start to problem solve the issue. 

how can i find the right balance between cardio and strength training

balancing cardio and strength training is important aim for days of strength training and days of cardio this supports muscle growth and cardiovascular health listen to your body and adjust as needed

Everyone around me is much smarter and flaunts it. Everyone around me is skinny, and here I am trying to throw up so I'm not fat. Everything I do is wrong, and I can't seem to do anything right! No one else at school seems to feel the way I do! Is this normal teenage girls feelings? I don't think these feelings are normal.

There are some struggles that are less "obvious" than others, an eating disorder being one of them. From just your personal experience alone you might realize how easy it may seem to keep such a secret from those around you. In the same way, there are many people who struggle secretly with this problem and not many people know or even notice. So you are definitely not alone. Low self-esteem or lack of confidence in some areas are issues that EVERY teen, in fact EVERY person, has experienced at some point. These feelings are "normal." It sounds, though, as if these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy have begun to consume your every day thoughts and behaviors bringing you to where you are today - comparing yourself to others, purging, and feeling extreme guilt. Sometimes it's best if we seek outside help, instead of trying to tackle problems on our own. Breaking habits that come along with an eating disorder really requires the help of a doctor, nutritionist, and a therapist who can help change your perspective from the inside out! Hope this helps!

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?

My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. 

How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

There are typically three reasons why therapy is terminated:1) Client has met therapy goals2) Client is not progressing 3) Therapist is not a good fit for clientIn order to properly assess whether therapy is helping and what progress is being made, the therapist needs to have ways of consistently checking in with clients sessions-by-session to determine what is helping, what isn't, and where the client is at in relation to their original therapy goals. When a client has met their goals, that is a good time to end counselling sessions unless the client has new goals or simply wants to check-in periodically to make sure that they are still on track (sometimes referred to as relapse prevention). When a client is not progressing, and feedback has been taken and attempts have been made to make the therapy more helpful for the client but to no avail, than it is considered unethical to continue to work with the client. In these circumstances, referring out to another therapist who may be a better fit is a good idea.

My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

These are common challenges that involve setting healthy boundaries with family, as well as friends and co-workers.  Therapy can help you to define, establish and enforce boundaries between self and others by being assertive.  This involves determining what things make you uncomfortable and how to communicate that with assertive, not passive, not aggressive, actions and language.

My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

It is very difficult to move from being the child to be the care giver as in your situation. Your mother's behavior as you describe it is a part of this disease. As the disease progresses and she is less aware of the present including her surroundings and who she is speaking to. Your response of anger and frustration are understandable. It is also a part of the grief process as you see you mother slipping away mentally. In the moment that you feel the anger step away, take some deep breathes and give yourself time to calm down. Then return to whatever you were doing with her. Caregivers of Alzheimer's patients need a lot of support themselves. There are support groups  as well as respite services available in many areas that will help you understand the process that each of you is going through. You can get more information about Alzheimer's disease and local resources by going to www.alz.org

I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do?

Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard.

I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone.

I can relate! When things are going badly, I feel like my life has always been and will always be that way. (But I also do this when things are going well. That is, I forget how good things can turn bad. Personally, to avoid this emotional roller-coaster, I try and heed the famous advice by author and feminist Rita Mae Brown: "One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory."So maybe this weakness of your for forgetting is really a strength! It sounds a lot like living in the moment to me. And while it’s hard to manage my past and my future, the moment seems like a small enough piece of temporal real estate to sort out. So that’s the “what” of my answer. The “how” goes like this: Choose one from column A, two from column B, and three from column C in the following chart. Then try doing them for as long as you can. Then see what happens.A                                            B                                                  CGratitude                                Forgiveness                                 AppreciationExpectations                           Meditation                                    ExerciseBitterness                               Distraction                                    Volunteering Resentment                            Substances                                  WorryRegret                                    Possessions                                 PessimismShame                                    Desire                                          SuperstitionRage                                      Isolation                                        WishingSelf-loathing                           Criticism                                       Withholding If you feel as though what you think and believe are out of your control, or that your values were imposed on you, or that nothing good will ever happen again, then we will have to respectfully disagree. You’ve ask a very deep and insightful question, proving that your hope has gotten you this far. Hang onto that hope because I’m an example of things working out despite my previous way of looking at my life.Instead of “convincing” yourself that you’re okay when you’re not, how about calling it “accepting yourself as okay just the way you are, without judging your okayness.” You probably have high standards (perfectionism?) and that’s a thing to talk with a counselor about. The opposite of perfect is not horrible. It’s called “good enough.”Blocking out the bad things and forgetting is as natural as eating and sleeping. All the other mammals do it (except when it comes to life-threatening bad things) so why shouldn’t we? This might be called optimism. Feeling alone and uncared for is a worse feeling than being despised. This is good! This means (I suppose) that you don’t despise yourself as much as you just don’t care for you (because we can often project our own self-beliefs onto others). This is an abstract concept that will take some time to get used to. But I have a suspicion that, with just a little more self-care, and a little more caring for others, you might be better off very soon.

I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone?

It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover that they are anxious (worried) about a lot of areas in their life but seem to find no relief.  When there is no relief and there have been numerous attempts (either in their mind or in practical application) to resolve the anxiety, depression is often the result.  In this type of case, depression is not the main or underlying issue. The anxiety is the underlying issue.  Having "a lot on my mind" sounds like anxiety. Unresolved anxiety can lead to feelings of depression which are often associated with "emptiness."  In the question above, I would want to evaluate all of the issues surrounding having "a lot on my mind" and determine where these might be coming from. Has there been ongoing rejection from peers? From family? If so, why does this seem to be happening?  Isolation is often a protective measure that one implements to avoid further pain. Where does that need to protect originate?  Are there unmet needs from childhood? Are there traumatic life events that have created a need to self-protect as a defense mechanism? We can feel "alone" even when in a crow of people or at a party.  This has nothing, in this case, to do with being around people. It has more to do with how we view ourselves.  If there is a prevailing message or script that has been internalized that says, "You are worth nothing" or "You don't deserve the company of others" then being around people will not alleviate the problem but only exacerbate it. I would want to evaluate how one feels about themselves and what negative messages one has received and has repeated to oneself over time. The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy is a therapy aimed at addressing unmet childhood needs. If there is specific trauma that is associated with socializing with people, then EMDR can be very helpful in desensitizing and reprocessing the trauma.  Looking at whether this individual's issue with emptiness is straight depression or whether it is depression as a result of unresolved anxiety is key to determining a treatment strategy.

I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Hi! Many people begin their therapeutic journey with histories just like yours and experience transformative shifts in their quality of life.  I hope you are able to find a counselor you feel comfortable working with and do the work if you feel called. Best of luck on your journey!

how did you introduce walking lunges into your workout routine and what impact did it have on the bodybuilding world

walking lunges were an exercise i incorporated into my routine and they gained popularity in the bodybuilding world after i began showcasing them in my videos demonstrating their efficacy for building muscle and strength

I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone.

Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However, keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be. I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there. Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon! 

My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

It is important to set boundaries with those that stress you out. I encourage people to validate the other persons feelings by saying "I am sorry you are going through this." Then, to set the boundary bye stating what you need from them or what you are trying to do with your life to destress and that you can't be a listening ear right now. This will need to be a repeated conversation, but over time you will notice less stress.

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

Hi Seattle,While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in sex drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy sexual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with sexual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear. Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's asexual (not interested in sexual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in sexual issues. Good luck.

When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared. I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

You are a unique individual exhibiting some of the traits of a specific type of temperament. Through temperament counseling you can come to know, accept, and manage your God-given temperament to become all that God intended. There is nothing wrong with you -- God loves you as you are and wants to help you balance your temperament needs.

I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Absolutely not. It sounds like you have significant trauma and it will continue to impact your depression until it is dealt with. Everybody has issues, though some more traumatic than others yet it is best to just start somewhere. I would encourage you to begin counseling and work through some of your history at your own pace in order to begin to impact and reduce your depressive symptoms.

I don't speak up if I'm uncomfortable and hardly ever make plans for us when we hang out. He is a very open and straightforward person, so he is getting upset with me for my lack of proper communication. We've been together two years and have identified this as our main problem. Arguments have arised from this single issue many times.

Do you know what you're afraid may happen if you do speak up?Usually people don't talk freely because they feel afraid to do so.  Sometimes the fear of being rejected by the other, of being criticized or judged by the other person, or that what you will say stirs anger in the other person.If you are able to know what your particular reason is for not talking, then maybe you and your partner can talk about what makes talking easy or hard.Also, since speaking up is new for you, then ask your partner to be patient while you learn to do so.  Everyone does better at learning new skills when they feel supported and welcomed.

It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.

You are very wise for a young person. You have already figured out that other people's behaviours...how they treat you...it's not about you...it's about them. I love that you don't blame yourself for your mom's behaviours. It's not your fault. She's getting upset because she doesn't know how to manage her emotions, and these emotions have to do with her past and her present stress. You're just the trigger. Yes, this is normal, but it's not necessary. She can find another way to manage her "stuff".Unfortunately, you can't help your mom a whole lot or even help her recognize this. But for yourself... remembering that her behaviours are her issue is the biggest piece of "dealing with it". You can always try some new strategies when you talk to mom...you can say "I'll listen you better if you don't bring up past stuff", or "I'm worried about you mom. You seem stressed", or even "I don't like the way you talk to me". Good luck!

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: 1.) Understand what his primary concern is2.) Understand what your primary concern is3.) What would you like to see different?4.) What would he like to see different? 5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

I can't imagine what you are feeling but I can tell you that you are right to be concerned about your children baring witness to this abuse.  This is a great teachable moment for your kids.  How you handle yourself will be very important for your children to see.  Your "REACTION" is what you should focus on.  Will you react with rage and name calling? Will you listen to your parents with respect and talk to them in private about how they are speaking to you in front of your kids?  Will you talk your kids about what is going? From reading this I am assuming you live with your parents.  If this is the case you have to think about what you can do to change your situation.  Have a plan! Set a goal!  Don't lose hope!

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

  Thanks for sharing and asking for help.  You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.  The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which "...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.  Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration: http://www.emdr.com/

I am in my mid 30s. I feel I have used only 5% of my potential. I am in film making, but everything is stuck. I've never had a serious relationship. I had worthless jobs. I do a lot of meditation to try to fix it.

Being stuck in life is difficult, especially when you are feeling it in many different areas of your life. So you if you are ready for a change... time to make one! Make a list of the resources in your area--community colleges, friends, free classes, volunteer opportunities etc. Make a list of your passions and absolute "no way" things in life. Make a 5 year plan... where do you want to be in 5 years... then start breaking it down ... what do I need to do this year to make it to next year. Break that down into months... check in with friends/families/co workers etc to see what they see in you both good and bad. Take a deep breath and choose 1 thing to work on to get better in life according to them. Seek out any free training/counseling on career changes and life changes. You already began this by asking this forum for help Awesome! Use the peace and calm you find in meditation to spring board you to make some changes in your behavior--try new things, change poor choices etc. Use the meditation to give you peace while you make the changes. Good Luck!

tell be about crossbody shoulder stretch

the crossbody shoulder stretch targets increased flexibility in the shoulders it is a common inclusion in upperbody dynamic warmups prior to training or sports but can also be performed anytime to limber up the upper body

tell be about barbell deficit deadlift

the barbell deficit deadlift is a compound exercise targeting the posterior chain it is commonly utilized in powerlifting training to build pulling strength off the floor but is also an effective musclebuilding movement for the glutes and hamstrings it is usually performed with lighter weight and perhaps for higher reps than traditional deadlifts if these make your back sore decrease the deficit andor wear a weightlifting belt

how can i establish a positive and sustainable approach to fitness and exercise rather than focusing on quick fixes or extreme regimens

consistency is key set yourself achievable goals that you can realistically stick to and try to make exercise a regular part of your everyday life seek professional advice before embarking on a new fitness regime find a qualified personal trainer sports medicine specialist or dietitian who can guide you in achieving your goals and plan a program that meets your individual needs be realistic and patient with yourself progress takes time and you may not always see results immediately aim to make small changes over time that are lasting and sustainable try different types of exercise

I was with my friends at the park, and we were talking and having fun. After a while, I met a girl there. We talked and flirted for a while, then we gave our numbers to each other and left. We talked for a few months, then we met up again. She kissed me, so I assumed we were dating. Then I found out she has a boyfriend.

I'm sorry for your disappointment with this girl.Maybe next time you start to like someone talk with the person to find out if they feel similar to you.   This way you have a good chance to avoid being hurt in the way you describe here.Even if the person doesn't give you a straightforward answer to their feelings for you, you'll gain a little more information by listening to how seriously they consider your question, what their body language is like, whether or not the person seems sincere.Listen to your gut.If you feel unsure the person likes you as much as you like them, then wait a little while to see if your feelings about the person or their feelings about you, change and in what direction they change.Keep yourself informed as best you can so you'll know you did as much as possible to kiss someone who understands your kiss the way you mean it to be understood.

We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate.

Communication involves a listener and a speaker.  Both have to be willing to do their part to make communication work.  This is something that takes both and not just one.  Without both, communication is impossible.   Staying together and the kids observing unhealthy communication is already broken.  Seek help to improve communication.    Couples' counseling would be helpful.

We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice.

Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask yourself to help you find your answer: 1.     Do you feel like you are violating your own values or morals? This is important, because we all have different values and morals surrounding sex, love, and monogamy. If you value monogamous relationships and find yourself cheating on your partner, then you may feel like you are living in contradiction to your values, and most people are not happy when they do that. However, if monogamy is not something you value, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if it is still right for you. Not all people want monogamous relationships, and that is alright. Finally, if you value your husband’s feelings and know that the affairs would hurt him, then your behaviors may again be in contrast to your own values. That can only be determined by you. 2.      Based on how you describe your relationship, it sounds like you are not very satisfied with the way it is.  From the outside, it looks like the affairs are a way to “get even” with your husband or to feel better after an argument. This is something that can happen when mutual respect starts to fade in a relationship and gets replaced with contempt. We can simply stop caring about how our actions hurt each other, or potentially hurt each other. Perhaps the question to ask here is, when you look out toward the future with your husband, is this the pattern that you want to keep? The pattern of very little sex, argument, and then satisfying the pain or dissatisfaction with affairs.  3.      What are your goals for this relationship? If we start to become disconnected in a relationship, we can begin to do things on autopilot. Get up, get the kids up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. None of which requires any intimacy at all. Are you still able to see the hopes and dreams you once had for this relationship?  4.      Have you considered seeking marital counseling? Not having affairs won’t actually fix the part of the relationship that is leading you to have them. If there is something broken, it sometimes requires some help to get it fixed.  Hopefully these questions and thoughts will help you come to some kind of conclusion about what is right for you and your relationship. I certainly wish you well.  Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

tell be about single arm overhead kettlebell squat

the singlearm kettlebell overhead squat is a popular kettlebell movement performed while holding a single kettlebell in a lockedout overhead position it targets the muscles of the lower body dynamically while also challenging and building shoulder stability and upperback mobility it can be trained in traditional strength or musclebuilding rep ranges in circuit or fatloss training or as part of a kettlebell combination or complex

how can i promote a healthy and vibrant immune system through lifestyle choices and practices

eat a balanced diet eating a balanced diet is important to promote a healthy and vibrant immune system a healthy diet should include fresh fruits and vegetables lean proteins whole grains and healthy fats exercise exercise helps your body produce antibodies that defend against viruses and bacterial infections regular exercise also helps reduce stress and aids in weight management which can help your immune system stay strong get enough sleep sleep allows the bodys immune system to recover and regenerate so it can better fight off any potential diseases aim for seven to eight hours of sleep a night to ensure

I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people. How can I get myself to just move on?

One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help. Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com 

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you. 

how should mesomorphs approach their strength training routine

mesomorphs should engage in moderate to heavy strength training with repetitions for heavy lifting and repetitions for moderate lifting done days a week

It's been like a couple of years that I've been feeling like this. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I get so sad and cry and then I feel better. But then I get upset with people so quickly, and I hurt their feelings. It's this constant rollercoaster, and it's hard.

Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.Hope this was helpful. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?

Although we can have moments when we feel alone, even with the presence of family and friends, feeling alone most of the time could be a sign that there is a lack of connection between you and your loved ones. Generally, the lack of connection can occur when you don't feel heard, understood or valued. These are common emotional needs that result in a good and secure emotional connection that reduces feelings of loneliness. You mentioned that "they listen but don't understand." Do you communication clearly about what you need emotionally (understood, accepted, valued, heard, empathized)? To help you ask for the right type of support, you can ask yourself what it is about the situation that is bothering you and how you would wish for your friends and family to respond to you. The result may be an answer that is more informative to your loved ones. For example, you might say, "Thank you for listening to me. When I feel alone, I feel like nobody cares about me because everybody seems busy with their lives. I just wanted to hear and feel that I'm valued by receiving caring messages and phone calls." Dr. Virginia Chowwww.psychologyresource.ca

tell be about pullups

the pullup is a multijoint bodyweight exercise that builds strength and muscle in the upper back biceps and core it is often used as a measurement tool in military or tactical fitness tests and is an excellent gauge of relative strength which is strength in relation to bodyweight

How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

I will work with clients and continually review progress with them and determine if counseling is helping.  If a client appears to have less to talk about in sessions, appears more stable for a period of time and has reached therapeutic goals I will talk about termination.  Some clients however I may continue with on a monthly or bi monthly process to allow for check-ins to see how they are doing and if they need more help at that time.

I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?

While you can't be responsible for your boyfriend's feelings, relationships do come with expectations.  Both people in a relationship bring their own expectations into it.  These expectations are usually unspoken, but result in conflict as you are experiencing here!  Your boyfriend expects you not to spend the weekend with this guy.  He may expect you not to spend the weekend with any guy at all.  He may expect you to spend every single weekend with him!  You'll have to decide if his expectations are ones you can live with.  Relationships do require some compromise out of concern for our partner, but you get to choose how much you compromise. We get upset about things that make us feel insecure.  You spending the weekend with an ex makes your boyfriend feel insecure.  That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.  It just means that you have to decide if it's more important for you to maintain your freedom to spend weekends with whomever you wish, or to help your boyfriend feel secure in your relationship. Good luck!  Hope that helps,Allison 

I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?

My first question for you would be to see if you've talked with her about it yet? You mentioned you found out....and I know this can be so painful. It can also be frightening to bring up the experience when it hurts a lot, when you feel so unsettled as you mention. But you can look at this as a vital and important piece of information about what's happening in your relationship, and an invitation to get really honest and genuine with each other. You have a long history, being together 9 years, and a son, so you are very bonded no matter what changes happen in your relationship. It may be incredibly helpful to find a counselor you can both go talk with. Having a third party who is neutral and cares about your process and hers can be such a relief when you need to discuss things you feel scared about. Even just a few sessions can make a huge difference. If this doesn't feel possible for you right now.....ask your fiancee for time to set aside for a meaningful heart-to-heart talk. Say you'd like to set it up on the calendar, and make sure you have a babysitter for your son. Set aside at least 4 hours. Let her know that you'd like to hear her honest truth about what's going on, and share with her your truth as well. It's not a time for criticizing or condemning, and I don't sense that is your intention at all--you have a great deal of love for her. Speaking honestly and listening openly is an amazing gift, both for yourself and for your partner. You can do it.

I'm unemployed just relocated. I can't get approved for a place to live because of past mistakes which follow me to this day. I'm depressed and on the verge of loosing my partner because I'm overwhelmed and have trouble functioning on a daily basis. I see no light at the end of this tunnel and need some help. I see no point in this chaos infested joke some call life.

It sounds like you are feeling like things are hopeless and out of control and you're not sure what to do about it. If you can find a competent therapist to work with, together you may be able to come up with some strategies for alleviating the overwhelming distress that you are experiencing and gain some insight into what may be contributing to these challenges. Additionally, a therapist may be able to support you in getting back on your feet in regards to work, a place to live, and showing up with your partner in a way that will be more satisfying to you.

I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?

My first question for you would be to see if you've talked with her about it yet? You mentioned you found out....and I know this can be so painful. It can also be frightening to bring up the experience when it hurts a lot, when you feel so unsettled as you mention. But you can look at this as a vital and important piece of information about what's happening in your relationship, and an invitation to get really honest and genuine with each other. You have a long history, being together 9 years, and a son, so you are very bonded no matter what changes happen in your relationship. It may be incredibly helpful to find a counselor you can both go talk with. Having a third party who is neutral and cares about your process and hers can be such a relief when you need to discuss things you feel scared about. Even just a few sessions can make a huge difference. If this doesn't feel possible for you right now.....ask your fiancee for time to set aside for a meaningful heart-to-heart talk. Say you'd like to set it up on the calendar, and make sure you have a babysitter for your son. Set aside at least 4 hours. Let her know that you'd like to hear her honest truth about what's going on, and share with her your truth as well. It's not a time for criticizing or condemning, and I don't sense that is your intention at all--you have a great deal of love for her. Speaking honestly and listening openly is an amazing gift, both for yourself and for your partner. You can do it.

I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years. How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help?

To be bullied is very painful.I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.You're entitled to be protected by your school.

My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new?

That's a tough one.  Would you and your husband be willing to attend couples counseling during the separation?  That would benefit you both.  If you separate and reconcile, what will have changed other than you having time apart?  You will need to gain new skills to enhance and maintain your connection - otherwise you will risk repeating the cycle of disconnect, discontentment and separation.  Please seek help from a therapist trained in couples work to help the two of you find a way either back to each other or gracefully out of the marriage.  Time away will not, by itself, change your relationship into one that can be sustained.

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

Congrats on your upcoming baby!Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex.  Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy.  If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.

I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?

Hello there.  Thank you for sharing your heart here.  I want to start off by saying, in kind of an ironic way, your struggle is something many people go through, I might say quite often.  Many feel alone with one another quite frequently.  THe reasons for feeling alone vary much between person to person.  In reading how you presented things, I will just respond from how this strikes me.  Sometimes feeling alone might be the result of not completing the second half of the equation; meaning that although people "listen" it wont necessarily equate the elimination of being alone. Instead, its when you follow up by inquiring and listening to others that you  may discover they feel and think and struggle just like you do. And as a result, you discover you really were never alone; when people discover common struggle and feelings, we are connected.  Second, we as humans are sometimes feeling alone because we may be lacking some self-acceptance.  Not fully accepting myself or situation , can be in the way of feeling the presence of others or the hearing the voice of others too. Or in other words, not bein 'ok' with myself makes it difficult being with others.  Third; feeling alone may be us not clear on what we are really needing from another person?   These are just some thoughts to consider.  Aloneness feels so real; and yet it has much to do with our perspective and view of things...  we are all alone in a crowded world until we speak and listen more closely.Kindly-keith hughes M.A.  keithcounseling.com

On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest. How do I fix this?

I get how you feel; you wish your body looked different and you're embarrassed that you tried to make it look different and people may notice. You don't say how old you are. It's likely that, if you are young, your body will change as you mature, but in general, we're given the bodies we're given and I'm glad to see that there may be a desire in you to accept your body the way it is. You seem to want to stop disguising it. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and every woman knows how it feels to struggle with accepting what her's looks like. Many men go through this as well, although women are more often targeted with cultural messages about how we're supposed to look. Young people often believe that others are noticing and judging them. In fact, other people are far more preoccupied with who might be judging them than whatever's going on with you. I suggest you wear whatever bra you want to wear, and if someone is rude enough to comment on it, you can ignore them and talk about the weather or the latest pop song that you love and they'll get the hint. But my bet is they won't even notice. :)

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After my fiancé cheated on me because of a miscommunication, I pulled myself away from him. Now he says all he wants is be with me. I'm pushing him away mentally now because he cheated on me again. I make plans with him that I don't keep. I really do love him still and I care about him. Should I give home one more chance?

People don't cheat bc of miscommunication.   People cheat bc they feel diminished regard for their partner.You pulling away doesn't explain his behavior.If the two of you still were a couple at the time he cheated on you, then there were many alternatives he cold have taken besides disrespecting you.Try to understand whether you are satisfied and happy in the relationship.  Your actions sound as though you are not either of these.Whether or not you decide to be together again many depend too on if the trust you had in him is restored.  Do you feel you can trust him again?If the two of discuss your relationship then if you don't trust him right now and the both of you talk about your dynamics, then tell him about your feelings.Trust is foundational to feeling safe and happy in a relationship.

My ex-boyfriend and I met over a year ago. We hit it off and fell in love pretty quick. However, he has trust issues and assumed I was cheating. When I found out I was pregnant, we had just broken up. Five months later, I lost the baby, and we did not speak for a few weeks. Now we are talking, and he says he loves me but is afraid I will hurt him "again." I just want to know where to go with this because I love him so much, and I want to get back to us being happy and a family.

Trust is essential in romantic relationships and it is common to have trust issues - because the stakes are so high. If both of you are committed and willing to be fully honest with each other, trust can be repaired and become stronger than ever. I would encourage you to seek out professional help as it easy to get derailed by fear when trying to work things out in the absence of trust. When fear takes over - we tend to become defensive and act in ways that makes it harder to trust one another. In addition to getting professional support I would encourage you to learn more about building trust in relationships and deepening connection through accessing various online resources on relationships.

Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself.

I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety.