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phosseini

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multimodal_satire

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https://babylonbee.com/news/search-for-the-two-best-possible-candidates-for-president-concludes

Search For The Two Best Possible Candidates For President Concludes

https://babylonbee.com/news/researchers-delay-new-vaccine-until-they-figure-out-how-to-make-it-cause-autism

Researchers Delay Coronavirus Vaccine Until They Figure Out How To Make It Cause Autism

https://babylonbee.com/news/baptists-delighted-as-everyone-finally-dancing-six-feet-apart

Baptists Delighted As Everyone Finally Dancing Six Feet Apart

https://babylonbee.com/news/narnia-to-build-wall-to-keep-calormenes-out

Narnia Builds Border Wall To Keep Calormenes Out

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-cuts-holes-in-medical-mask-so-he-can-still-sniff-people

Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair

https://babylonbee.com/news/chip-joanna-gaines-commit-to-making-100000-medical-masks-out-of-shiplap

Chip, Joanna Gaines To Manufacture 1,000,000 Medical Masks Out Of Shiplap

https://babylonbee.com/news/study-92-of-christians-get-all-of-their-theology-from-bumper-stickers

Study: 92% Of Christians Get All Of Their Theology From Bumper Stickers

https://babylonbee.com/news/obama-still-holding-his-endorsement-to-see-if-anyone-else-wants-to-run-for-president

Obama Still Holding His Endorsement To See If Someone Else, Anyone Else Going To Run For President

https://babylonbee.com/news/bernie-sanders-drops-out-as-campaign-goals-of-locking-everyone-up-destroying-economy-already-achieved

Bernie Sanders Drops Out As Campaign Goals Of Locking Everyone Up, Destroying Economy Already Achieved

https://babylonbee.com/news/podcast-the-easter-worshipper-episode

Podcast: The Easter Worshipper Episode

https://babylonbee.com/news/microsoft-edge-voted-top-web-browser-for-downloading-other-web-browsers

Microsoft Edge Voted Top Web Browser For Downloading Other Web Browsers

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-highlights-entire-bible-since-all-of-it-is-the-inspired-word-of-god

Man Highlights Entire Bible Since All Of It Is The Inspired Word Of God

https://babylonbee.com/news/bernie-tests-negative-for-president

Bernie Tests Negative For President

https://babylonbee.com/news/bernie-sanders-drops-out-of-race-to-spend-more-time-with-his-many-many-houses

Bernie Sanders Drops Out Of Race To Spend More Time With His Many, Many Houses

https://babylonbee.com/news/episcopalian-church-reports-no-change-in-attendance-in-recent-weeks

Episcopal Church Reports No Change In Attendance In Recent Weeks

https://babylonbee.com/news/snopes-recommends-shutting-down-internet-to-prevent-spread-of-jokes

Snopes Recommends Shutting Down Internet To Prevent Spread Of Satire

https://babylonbee.com/news/pastor-diagnosed-with-severe-case-of-buffering

Pastor Diagnosed With Severe Case Of Buffering

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-installs-ejection-seats-throughout-press-briefing-room

Trump Installs Ejection Seats Throughout Press Briefing Room

https://babylonbee.com/news/liberal-treated-with-hydroxychloroquine-hopes-he-still-dies-of-covid-19-to-prove-trump-is-stupid

Liberal Treated With Hydroxychloroquine Hopes He Still Dies Of COVID-19 To Prove Trump Is Stupid

https://babylonbee.com/news/bernie-sanders-struggling-to-stay-six-feet-away-from-americans-wallets

Bernie Sanders Struggling To Stay Six Feet Away From Americans' Wallets

https://babylonbee.com/news/aoc-wakes-up-and-spins-wheel-of-oppression-to-determine-what-to-complain-about-today

AOC Wakes Up And Spins Wheel Of Oppression To Determine What To Complain About Today

https://babylonbee.com/news/facebook-to-award-everyone-printable-medical-degree

Facebook To Award Everyone Printable Medical Degree

https://babylonbee.com/news/turbotax-rebrands-as-turbotheft-for-libertarian-market

TurboTax Rebrands As 'TurboTheft' For Libertarian Market

https://babylonbee.com/news/more-stylists-trimming-hair-with-tree-clippers

Nation's Stylists Begin Cutting Hair With Extendable Tree Clippers

https://babylonbee.com/news/all-civil-liberties-declared-nonessential

Civil Liberties Declared Nonessential

https://babylonbee.com/news/constitution-dies-of-coronavirus

Constitution Dies Of Coronavirus

https://babylonbee.com/news/tragic-bill-gates-had-a-cure-for-coronavirus-but-it-was-wiped-out-by-a-windows-virus

Tragic: Bill Gates Had A Cure For Coronavirus But It Was Erased By A Windows Virus

https://babylonbee.com/news/thanks-to-stay-at-home-order-husbands-have-new-opportunity-to-supervise-their-wives-doing-chores

Thanks To Stay-At-Home Order, Husbands Have New Opportunity To Supervise Their Wives Doing Chores

https://babylonbee.com/news/neighbors-call-police-on-charismatic-family-worshiping-at-home

Frightened Neighbors Call Police On Charismatic Family Worshiping At Home

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-another-hilarious--classic-gaffe-biden-says-help-me-i-dont-want-to-do-this-anymore

In Another Hilarious Gaffe, Biden Shouts, 'Help Me! I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore!'

https://babylonbee.com/news/womans-essential-oils-business-deemed-non-essential

Millions Of Women Outraged As Essential Oils Businesses Deemed Non-Essential

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-zoom-filter-makes-it-look-like-youre-wearing-clothes

New Zoom Filter Makes It Look Like You're Wearing Clothes

https://babylonbee.com/news/government-issues-new-directive-telling-everyone-to-jump-off-a-bridge

Everyone Jumps Off Bridge After New Government Order Telling Everyone To Jump Off Bridge

https://babylonbee.com/news/unquestioned-answers-the-jeff-myers-interview

Unquestioned Answers: The Jeff Myers Interview

https://babylonbee.com/news/mike-pence-sad-to-announce-that-pride-month-is-cancelled-over-coronavirus-concerns

Mike Pence Sad To Announce That Pride Month Is Canceled Due To Coronavirus

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-less-formal-king-jim-bible-introduced

New, Less Formal King Jim Bible Introduced

https://babylonbee.com/news/deprived-sports-fans-forced-to-go-outside-and-play-catch-with-their-kids

Deprived Sports Fans Forced To Throw Ball Around With Their Kids

https://babylonbee.com/news/breaking-3000-new-deaths-today-but-thats-enough-about-abortion

Update: 3,000 New Deaths Today But Enough About Abortion

https://babylonbee.com/news/problem-solved-new-york-bans-coronavirus

New York To Raise Taxes On Coronavirus Causing It To Flee State

https://babylonbee.com/news/disaster-trump-watched-netflix-and-now-hes-bought-17-tigers

Disaster: Trump's Been Binge-Watching Netflix And He Just Bought 17 Tigers

https://babylonbee.com/news/jeremy-camp-opens-camp-for-underprivileged-kids-named-jeremy

Jeremy Camp Opens Camp For Underprivileged Kids Named Jeremy: 'Jeremy Camp'

https://babylonbee.com/news/groundbreaking-new-study-suggests-shutting-down-economy-could-contibute-to-unemployment

Groundbreaking New Study Suggests Shutting Down Economy Could Contribute To Unemployment

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-glad-to-know-job-that-fed-his-family-paid-his-rent-is-non-essential

Man Glad To Know Job That Fed His Family, Paid His Rent Is 'Non-Essential'

https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-programmers-admit-they-just-know-how-to-google-things

Nation's Programmers Admit They're Actually Just Really Good At Googling Things

https://babylonbee.com/news/america-descends-into-third-world-hellscape-where-amazon-delivers-in-three-days-instead-of-two

U.S. Descends Into Third-World Hellscape Where Amazon Delivers In Three Days Instead Of Two

https://babylonbee.com/news/brilliant-man-defuses-argument-by-telling-wife-to-calm-down

Man Brilliantly Defuses Argument By Telling Wife To Calm Down

https://babylonbee.com/news/majority-of-americans-have-already-forgotten-who-pete-buttigieg-is

Study: Majority Of Americans Have Absolutely No Memory Of Guy Named 'Pete Buttigieg'

https://babylonbee.com/news/china-claims-no-new-deaths-despite-guy-pushing-cart-around-shouting-bring-out-your-dead

China Claims No New Deaths As Peasant Passes By Shouting 'Bring Out Your Dead!'

https://babylonbee.com/news/podcast-the-essential-business-of-keeping-perspective

Podcast: The Essential Business Of Keeping Perspective

https://babylonbee.com/news/darth-vader-criticized-for-hoarding-ventilators

Darth Vader Criticized For Hoarding All The Ventilators

https://babylonbee.com/news/daily-coronavirus-wh-briefings-renewed-for-second-season-thanks-to-record-ratings

Daily Coronavirus WH Briefings Renewed For Second Season Thanks To Record Ratings

https://babylonbee.com/news/aoc-is-a-strong-intelligent-woman-snopes-is-an-excellent-fact-checker-and-joel-osteen-is-a-biblically-faithful-preacher

AOC Is A Strong, Intelligent Woman, Snopes Is An Excellent Fact-Checker, And Joel Osteen Is A Biblically Faithful Preacher

https://babylonbee.com/news/jim-acosta-strikes-blow-against-racism-by-seeing-how-many-bats-he-can-fit-in-his-mouth

Jim Acosta Strikes Blow Against Racism By Seeing How Many Bats He Can Fit In His Mouth

https://babylonbee.com/news/netflix-and-disney-join-forces-to-produce-the-liger-king

Netflix And Disney+ Join Forces To Produce The Liger King

https://babylonbee.com/news/liberty-university-distributes-maga-hats-for-students-to-cough-into

Liberty University Distributes MAGA Hats For Students To Cough Into

https://babylonbee.com/news/mike-pence-issues-permanent-stay-at-home-order-for-women

Mike Pence Issues Permanent Stay-At-Home Order To Nation's Women

https://babylonbee.com/news/pelosi-we-must-flatten-the-curve-of-support-for-donald-trump

Pelosi: 'We Must Flatten The Curve Of Support For Donald Trump'

https://babylonbee.com/news/teachers-warn-parents-arent-properly-equipped-to-indoctrinate-children

Teachers Urge Government To Reopen Schools Before Students Learn To Think For Themselves

https://babylonbee.com/news/stimulus-bill-projected-to-save-the-lives-of-at-least-85000-government-programs

Stimulus Package Projected To Save The Lives Of At Least 85,000 Government Programs

https://babylonbee.com/news/scholars-now-agree-pontius-pilate-didnt-wash-his-hands-for-20-seconds-bears-some-responsibility-for-jesus-crucifixion

Scholars Now Agree Pontius Pilate Didn't Wash His Hands Long Enough To Avoid Responsibility For Crucifixion

https://babylonbee.com/news/bruce-wayne-suspected-as-patient-zero-in-gotham-coronavirus-outbreak

Bruce Wayne Suspected As Patient Zero In Gotham Coronavirus Outbreak

https://babylonbee.com/news/space-force-discovers-cure-for-coronavirus

Space Force Develops Cure For Coronavirus

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-destroy-this-economy-and-i-will-raise-it-up-in-three-days

Trump: 'Destroy This Economy And I Will Raise It Up In Three Days'

https://babylonbee.com/news/americans-excitedly-anticipate-getting-paid-with-their-own-money

Americans Excitedly Anticipate Getting Paid With Their Own Money

https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-releasing-weekly-podcast-on-vinyl

Biden's New Podcast Available Exclusively On Vinyl

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-in-coma-for-month-assumes-hes-been-left-behind

Man In Coma For Past Month Arrives At Church, Assumes He's Been Left Behind

https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-temporarily-changes-slogan-to-eat-fewer-bats

Chick-Fil-A Temporarily Changes Slogan To 'Eat Fewer Bats'

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-excited-to-learn-whats-in-stimulus-package-they-just-passed

Congress Excited To Find Out What’s In Stimulus Package They Just Passed

https://babylonbee.com/news/government-sends-out-1000-to-each-citizen-so-theyll-have-something-to-wipe-with-after-money-loses-all-value

Toilet Paper Crisis Solved As Government Prints Trillions Of Fresh, Soft Dollar Bills

https://babylonbee.com/news/hallmark-channel-announces-19-new-coronavirus-themed-movies

Hallmark Channel Announces 19 New Coronavirus-Themed Movies

https://babylonbee.com/news/family-takes-weekend-vacation-to-guest-room

Family Takes Weekend Vacation To Guest Room

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-outrage-addiction-the-dana-loesch-interview

The Outrage Addiction: The Dana Loesch Interview

https://babylonbee.com/news/china-announces-that-theyve-completely-cured-coronavirus-and-everything-is-fine-there-and-no-one-is-allowed-in-to-check

China: 'We've Completely Cured Coronavirus And Everything Is Fine Here And No One Is Allowed In To Check'

https://babylonbee.com/news/quarantined-journalist-reduced-to-only-calling-their-household-members-racist

Quarantined Journalist Really Starting To Annoy Family By Calling Them Racists All Day

https://babylonbee.com/news/government-accidentally-shuts-itself-down-with-ban-on-non-essential-businesses

Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses

https://babylonbee.com/news/planned-parenthood-offering-drive-thru-abortions-during-lockdown

Planned Parenthood To Offer Drive-Thru Abortions During Lockdown

https://babylonbee.com/news/joel-osteen-tests-positive-for-heresy

Joel Osteen Tests Negative For Christianity

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-just-wishes-people-would-stop-making-him-defend-trump

Man Begs Internet To Stop Making Him Defend Trump

https://babylonbee.com/news/family-beginning-to-worry-for-mothers-sanity-after-week-of-frozen-2-on-repeat

Family Beginning To Worry For Mother's Sanity After Just One Week Of 'Frozen II' On Repeat

https://babylonbee.com/news/covid-19-impacting-men-women-more-than-all-other-genders-combined

Study: COVID-19 Impacts Men, Women More Than All Other Genders Combined

https://babylonbee.com/news/hilarious-memes-discovered-from-ancient-biblical-famine

New Evidence Suggests Israelites Got Through Times Of Famine By Sharing Memes

https://babylonbee.com/news/pelosi-delays-stimulus-package-until-her-new-souvenir-pens-come-in

Pelosi Delays Stimulus Package Until Her New Souvenir Pens Come In

https://babylonbee.com/news/bidens-face-twelve-inches-away-from-webcam-for-entire-remote-press-conference

Biden Shouts At Webcam From Three Inches Away For Entire Remote Press Conference

https://babylonbee.com/news/americans-unsure-what-to-think-until-jim-carrey-finishes-next-painting

Americans Unsure What To Think Until Jim Carrey Finishes Next Painting

https://babylonbee.com/news/nintendo-releases-pokemon-stay-for-the-quarantined

Niantic Releases 'Pokemon Stay' For The Quarantined

https://babylonbee.com/news/podcast-social-distancing-stimulus-and-chasing-your-hat

Podcast: Social Distancing, Stimulus, And Chasing Your Hat

https://babylonbee.com/news/pr-disaster-president-xi-forgets-to-remove-made-in-china-tags-from-coronavirus

PR Disaster: President Xi Forgets To Remove 'Made In China' Tags From Coronavirus

https://babylonbee.com/news/with-everyone-telecomuting-pants-sales-plummet

Pants Sales Plummet As Everyone Working From Home

https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-embarassed-after-forgetting-to-translate-latest-coronavirus-update-from-mandarin-before-publishing

Oops: CNN Forgot To Translate Its Latest Coronavirus Update From Mandarin

https://babylonbee.com/news/party-of-love-tolerance-wishes-death-on-political-opponent

Party Of Love And Tolerance Wishes Death On Political Opponent

https://babylonbee.com/news/journalists-investigating-ways-to-make-crisis-all-about-them

Journalists Investigating Ways To Make Crisis All About Them

https://babylonbee.com/news/churches-to-send-greeters-door-to-door-during-remote-services

Churches To Send Greeters Door To Door During Remote Services

https://babylonbee.com/news/san-francisco-urges-homeless-residents-to-poop-from-home

San Francisco Asks Homeless Residents To Poop At Home

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-working-from-home-encounters-nasty-10-matchbox-car-pileup-on-evening-commute

Man Working From Home Encounters Nasty 10-Matchbox-Car Pileup On Evening Commute

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-unveils-much-simpler-stimulus-plan-giant-money-cannon

Trump Unveils Much Simpler Stimulus Plan: GIANT MONEY CANNON!

https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-demand-stimulus-bill-include-reparations-for-transgender-native-americans-affected-by-climate-change

Democrats Demand Stimulus Bill Include Reparations For Transgender Native Americans Affected By Climate Change

https://babylonbee.com/news/im-not-incredibly-impressed-with-the-chinese-government-says-vile-racist

'I'm Not Incredibly Impressed With The Chinese Government,' Says Vile Racist

https://babylonbee.com/news/benny-hinn-holds-faith-healing-services-in-full-hazmat-suit

Benny Hinn Holds Healing Service In Full Hazmat Suit

https://babylonbee.com/news/churches-now-offering-live-streamed-potlucks

Nation's Churches Host Live-Streamed Potlucks

https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-worried-stimulus-package-would-stimulate-economy

Dems Worried Stimulus Bill Would Stimulate Economy