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"Please tell me one thing, Bartley.
"Please tell me one thing, Bartley.
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"You see, my mistake was in wanting you to have everything.
"You see, my mistake was in wanting you to have everything.
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I somehow believed that I could take all the bad consequences for you.
I somehow believed that I could take all the bad consequences for you.
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I wanted you always to be happy and handsome and successful-to have all the things that a great man ought to have, and, once in a way, the careless holidays that great men are not permitted."
I wanted you always to be happy and handsome and successful--to have all the things that a great man ought to have, and, once in a way, the careless holidays that great men are not permitted."
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I was wrong.
I was wrong.
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You've only to tell me now.
You've only to tell me now.
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"You want to tell me that you can only see me like this, as old friends do, or out in the world among people?
"You want to tell me that you can only see me like this, as old friends do, or out in the world among people?
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I can do that."
I can do that."
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"I can't," he said heavily.
"I can't," he said heavily.
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Bartley leaned his head in his hands and spoke through his teeth.
Bartley leaned his head in his hands and spoke through his teeth.
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"It's got to be a clean break, Hilda.
"It's got to be a clean break, Hilda.
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I can't see you at all, anywhere.
I can't see you at all, anywhere.
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What I mean is that I want you to promise never to see me again, no matter how often I come, no matter how hard I beg."
What I mean is that I want you to promise never to see me again, no matter how often I come, no matter how hard I beg."
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She stood over him with her hands clenched at her side, her body rigid.
She stood over him with her hands clenched at her side, her body rigid.
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"It's too late to ask that.
"It's too late to ask that.
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Do you hear me, Bartley? It's too late.
Do you hear me, Bartley? It's too late.
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It's abominable of you to ask me.
It's abominable of you to ask me.
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But, if you come to me, I'll do as I see fit.
But, if you come to me, I'll do as I see fit.
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The shamefulness of your asking me to do that!
The shamefulness of your asking me to do that!
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If you come to me, I'll do as I see fit.
If you come to me, I'll do as I see fit.
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Do you understand?
Do you understand?
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"Yes, I know I'm cowardly. I'm afraid of myself.
"Yes, I know I'm cowardly. I'm afraid of myself.
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I don't trust myself any more.
I don't trust myself any more.
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I carried it all lightly enough at first, but now I don't dare trifle with it.
I carried it all lightly enough at first, but now I don't dare trifle with it.
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It's getting the better of me.
It's getting the better of me.
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It's different now.
It's different now.
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Hilda held her face back from him and began to cry bitterly.
Hilda held her face back from him and began to cry bitterly.
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And I've got nobody but you.
And I've got nobody but you.
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I will do anything you say-but that!
I will do anything you say--but that!
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I will ask the least imaginable, but I must have SOMETHING!"
I will ask the least imaginable, but I must have SOMETHING!"
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"Just something Bartley.
"Just something Bartley.
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I must have you to think of through the months and months of loneliness.
I must have you to think of through the months and months of loneliness.
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I must know about you.
I must know about you.
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The sight of you, Bartley, to see you living and happy and successful-can I never make you understand what that means to me?" She pressed his shoulders gently.
The sight of you, Bartley, to see you living and happy and successful--can I never make you understand what that means to me?" She pressed his shoulders gently.
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If I'd met you later, if I hadn't loved you so well-but that's all over, long ago.
If I'd met you later, if I hadn't loved you so well--but that's all over, long ago.
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Then came all those years without you, lonely and hurt and discouraged; those decent young fellows and poor Mac, and me never heeding-hard as a steel spring.
Then came all those years without you, lonely and hurt and discouraged; those decent young fellows and poor Mac, and me never heeding--hard as a steel spring.
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She slid to the floor beside him, as if she were too tired to sit up any longer.
She slid to the floor beside him, as if she were too tired to sit up any longer.
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Bartley bent over and took her in his arms, kissing her mouth and her wet, tired eyes.
Bartley bent over and took her in his arms, kissing her mouth and her wet, tired eyes.
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"We've tortured each other enough for tonight.
"We've tortured each other enough for tonight.
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Forget everything except that I am here."
Forget everything except that I am here."
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I thought it might be Sister Kate or Cousin Mike would be happening along.
I thought it might be Sister Kate or Cousin Mike would be happening along.
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Alexander groaned.
Alexander groaned.
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A coal fire was crackling in the grate and the lamps were lit, for it was already beginning to grow dark outside.
A coal fire was crackling in the grate and the lamps were lit, for it was already beginning to grow dark outside.
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"I meant to, but somehow I couldn't.
"I meant to, but somehow I couldn't.
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It tortures me every minute."
It tortures me every minute."
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You ask me to stay away from you because you want me!
You ask me to stay away from you because you want me!
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He rose and pushed the chair behind him and began to walk miserably about the room, seeming to find it too small for him.
He rose and pushed the chair behind him and began to walk miserably about the room, seeming to find it too small for him.
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At least, tell me that you believe I thought I was making you happy."
At least, tell me that you believe I thought I was making you happy."
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"I understand, Bartley.
"I understand, Bartley.
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What must I do that I've not done, or what must I not do?" She listened intently, but she heard nothing but the creaking of his chair.
What must I do that I've not done, or what must I not do?" She listened intently, but she heard nothing but the creaking of his chair.
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He had planned to stop in Liverpool; but, instead, he took the boat train for London.
He had planned to stop in Liverpool; but, instead, he took the boat train for London.
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Alexander did not sit down.
Alexander did not sit down.
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Emerging at Euston at half past three o'clock in the afternoon, Alexander had his luggage sent to the Savoy and drove at once to Bedford Square.
Emerging at Euston at half-past three o'clock in the afternoon, Alexander had his luggage sent to the Savoy and drove at once to Bedford Square.
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He moved uneasily and his chair creaked.
He moved uneasily and his chair creaked.
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Hilda took a quick, soft breath.
Hilda took a quick, soft breath.
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There is this deception between me and everything."
There is this deception between me and everything."
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I'm growing older, and you've got my young self here with you.
I'm growing older, and you've got my young self here with you.
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"I am not a man who can live two lives," he went on feverishly.
"I am not a man who can live two lives," he went on feverishly.
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When Marie met him at the door, even her strong sense of the proprieties could not restrain her surprise and delight.
When Marie met him at the door, even her strong sense of the proprieties could not restrain her surprise and delight.
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He looked at her and his haggard face softened.
He looked at her and his haggard face softened.
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Keep away if you wish; when have I ever followed you?
Keep away if you wish; when have I ever followed you?
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She leaned her head against his arm and spoke softly:--
She leaned her head against his arm and spoke softly:--
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"After the very first.
"After the very first.
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Bartley gave a bitter little laugh, and Hilda looked up and read in the deepening lines of his face that youth and Bartley would not much longer struggle together.
Bartley gave a bitter little laugh, and Hilda looked up and read in the deepening lines of his face that youth and Bartley would not much longer struggle together.
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Hilda's face quivered, but she whispered: "Yes, I think it must have been.
Hilda's face quivered, but she whispered: "Yes, I think it must have been.
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"Don't cry, don't cry," he whispered.
"Don't cry, don't cry," he whispered.
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She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if to draw in again the fragrance of those days.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if to draw in again the fragrance of those days.
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And then you came back, not caring very much, but it made no difference."
And then you came back, not caring very much, but it made no difference."
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Bartley bent lower over the fire.
Bartley bent lower over the fire.
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"Yes, yes," she hurried, pulling her hand gently away from him. Presently it stole back to his coat sleeve.
"Yes, yes," she hurried, pulling her hand gently away from him. Presently it stole back to his coat sleeve.
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Hilda sprang up like a flame.
Hilda sprang up like a flame.
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I won't promise.
I won't promise.
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She looked about desperately from Bartley to the door, then to the windows, and back again to Bartley.
She looked about desperately from Bartley to the door, then to the windows, and back again to Bartley.
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CHAPTER nine
CHAPTER IX
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Besides his sleeping room and bath, there was a large room, formerly a painter's studio, which he used as a study and office.
Besides his sleeping-room and bath, there was a large room, formerly a painter's studio, which he used as a study and office.
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It was furnished with the cast off possessions of his bachelor days and with odd things which he sheltered for friends of his who followed itinerant and more or less artistic callings.
It was furnished with the cast-off possessions of his bachelor days and with odd things which he sheltered for friends of his who followed itinerant and more or less artistic callings.
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When Alexander came back from dinner he put more wood on his fire, made himself comfortable, and settled down at his desk, where he began checking over estimate sheets.
When Alexander came back from dinner he put more wood on his fire, made himself comfortable, and settled down at his desk, where he began checking over estimate sheets.
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It was after nine o'clock and he was lighting a second pipe, when he thought he heard a sound at his door. He started and listened, holding the burning match in his hand; again he heard the same sound, like a firm, light tap.
It was after nine o'clock and he was lighting a second pipe, when he thought he heard a sound at his door. He started and listened, holding the burning match in his hand; again he heard the same sound, like a firm, light tap.
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He stood for a moment in awkward constraint, his pipe in his hand.
He stood for a moment in awkward constraint, his pipe in his hand.
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He pointed to a chair by the fire and went back to his worktable.
He pointed to a chair by the fire and went back to his worktable.
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He was standing behind the table, turning over a pile of blueprints nervously.
He was standing behind the table, turning over a pile of blueprints nervously.
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The yellow light from the student's lamp fell on his hands and the purple sleeves of his velvet smoking jacket, but his flushed face and big, hard head were in the shadow.
The yellow light from the student's lamp fell on his hands and the purple sleeves of his velvet smoking-jacket, but his flushed face and big, hard head were in the shadow.
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There was something about him that made Hilda wish herself at her hotel again, in the street below, anywhere but where she was.
There was something about him that made Hilda wish herself at her hotel again, in the street below, anywhere but where she was.
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I saw that interview in the paper yesterday, telling where you were, and I thought I had to see you.
I saw that interview in the paper yesterday, telling where you were, and I thought I had to see you.
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Good night; I'm going now." She turned and her hand closed on the door knob.
Good-night; I'm going now." She turned and her hand closed on the door-knob.
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Alexander hurried toward her and took her gently by the arm.
Alexander hurried toward her and took her gently by the arm.
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"Sit down, Hilda; you're wet through.
"Sit down, Hilda; you're wet through.
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"Here, put your feet on this stool. You don't mean to say you walked down-and without overshoes!"
"Here, put your feet on this stool. You don't mean to say you walked down--and without overshoes!"
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Hilda hid her face in her hands.
Hilda hid her face in her hands.
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"I was afraid to take a cab.
"I was afraid to take a cab.
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Can't you see, Bartley, that I'm terribly frightened?
Can't you see, Bartley, that I'm terribly frightened?
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I've been through this a hundred times to day.
I've been through this a hundred times to-day.
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Don't be any more angry than you can help.
Don't be any more angry than you can help.
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But you won't let me write to you, and I had to see you after that letter, that terrible letter you wrote me when you got home."
But you won't let me write to you, and I had to see you after that letter, that terrible letter you wrote me when you got home."
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"Is this the way you mean to answer it, Hilda?" he asked unsteadily.
"Is this the way you mean to answer it, Hilda?" he asked unsteadily.
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She was afraid to look up at him.
She was afraid to look up at him.
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"I came to tell you that I'm willing to do as you asked me.
"I came to tell you that I'm willing to do as you asked me.
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But it's no use talking about that now.
But it's no use talking about that now.
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Give me my things, please." She put her hand out toward the fender.
Give me my things, please." She put her hand out toward the fender.
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Alexander sat down on the arm of her chair.
Alexander sat down on the arm of her chair.
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