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[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-29T02:46:59" | null | "2016-08-28T21:58:11" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fopinion%2Fcolumns%2F14890%2Fgamely-viewing-the-olympics.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_boonemarla_CMYK-1.jpg | en | null | Gamely viewing the Olympics | null | null | dailycall.com | You know the theme song for the Olympics that begins with all the percussion instruments? Some wag on the radio made a good case for the opening words to be “This is the drum part. This is the drum part.” Now do you know which song I’m talking about? Well, it has been playing almost non-stop the past two weeks. If you haven’t heard it you are obviously not trying hard enough. Or living at my house.
I love to watch the Olympics. I feel nothing but admiration for the fabulous athletes who have devoted their lives to excellence in sports. Even though some of those sports are boring.
The summer sports, for instance, to which we all were just treated. Run, run, run. Jump, jump, jump. Run then jump. Jump then run. Throw the javelin, catapult yourself into the sand pit, and flop over the high bar. These are activities even a normal person might do. Not this normal person, mind you, but some other normal person.
But it’s the rare normal person who competes in many sports featured in the winter Olympics. Some of these sports are just strange and by strange I mean who made these events up?
Biathlon allows competitors to slither around a frozen course on two-inch wide skis as fast as they can with a rifle strapped to their backs. We could stop right there and be assured a place in the annals of strangeness. But wait, as they say on late-night TV, there’s more. After achieving a heart rate of approximately two hundred beats per minutes and activating every muscle in their bodies to an advanced state of quivering, these athletes shed their skis, plop down on their bellies, and try to shoot a very very small target. Since their cardiac system is on overdrive pumping blood to their massive thighs, no oxygen is getting to their brains, which explains a lot. Then they leap back up, strap their skis back on, and go to the next target shooting station. Also, they are trying not to throw up, especially onto their rifles. You have to admit, this is good stuff.
Curling, as I understand it, originated in Scotland and is immensely popular in the northern reaches of Middle America. It consists of a stone, two brooms, and people not afraid to use them. One person pushes a stone over ice while teammates sweep the ice path in front of the stone to make it go faster or slower or something. A team of four folks, who are all safely on the ground and moving about five feet per minute, scream their heads off, presumably at the stone, although it’s very probable they are screaming at the fact that they have to spend their winters in Minnesota. The main attraction to curling is that people rarely throw up. Personally speaking, if I am going to invest some time in pushing something over ice, that something is going to be vodka.
But for sheer madness interspersed with a little physics, how about the ninety meter ski jump? You think your winters are bad? The ninety meter ski jump is an indication of just how lousy winters are in Scandinavia. Norwegians’ winters are so horrible they invented a sport the main component of which involves leaping off a mountain. For the metrically challenged, let us review how high 90 meters is. A meter is a little over three feet. So ninety of those bad boys translates to a long way up. Oddly enough, ski jumpers, whose survival depends on the ability to make sort of a wing with their bodies bent over their teeny slats of skis and who are hurtling through thin air at breakneck (literally) speed with almost no protective gear, never scream. But they do have to stick their landings, just like. …
Ice skaters. Ice skating has been having a tough time recently, what with the lack of objectivity and shared medals and those dreadful close-ups in the kiss and cry area. Skaters face enormous expenses, horrific schedules to accommodate available ice time, and the looming prospect of an international sequin shortage. I think they all deserve a “10” for just getting to the Olympics.
That’s a 2.9 from the Russian judge.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_boonemarla_CMYK-1.jpg
By Marla Boone Contributing Columnist
Marla Boone resides in Covington and writes for the Troy Daily News and Piqua Daily Call.
Marla Boone resides in Covington and writes for the Troy Daily News and Piqua Daily Call. | http://dailycall.com/opinion/columns/14890/gamely-viewing-the-olympics | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/1ed507967bf975d8496b50e76582e6a10fd33fecd6dbe9be3bc8423673a1a8a3.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-27T18:46:16" | null | "2016-08-27T14:44:25" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fphoto-gallery%2F14843%2Ffriday-night-lights.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_082616mju_fb_phs_2006team.jpg | en | null | Friday Night Lights | null | null | dailycall.com | Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Piqua wide receiver Rashon Fisher, 82, takes some practice long-snaps on the sidelines.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Darien Tipps-Clemons, 44, makes his way upfield for a big gain thanks to great blocking by teammates.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Piqua’s cheerleaders fire up the crowd on Saturday.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call
The Indians gather at mid-field to celebrate their first victory of the 2016 season on Saturday.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Quarterback Austin Davis, 3, heads for the endzone and the Indians first touchdown of the season.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Members of the Piqua Indians Division II State Champion football team pose for a photo with their state championship trophy following a ceremony honoring the 10 year anniversary of their winning the state title on Friday. | http://dailycall.com/news/photo-gallery/14843/friday-night-lights | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/c6d5e04be0ff647bfdcce552565d380bce0dd85027ea966f81c0345018f82673.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T16:45:58" | null | "2016-08-26T12:34:53" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14802%2F14802.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Robert-Jenkins.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — Piqua resident Robert Jenkins, 42, is facing a bench warrant from Miami County Municipal Court and a warrant from Miami County Common Pleas Court for failing to appear to multiple sentencing hearings and one change of plea hearing this week.
Jenkins was scheduled to be sentenced for first-degree misdemeanor theft, first-degree misdemeanor receiving stolen property, first-degree misdemeanor child endangering, and fifth-degree felony complicity this week in municipal court. Jenkins was scheduled for a change of plea hearing in common pleas court for second-degree felony complicity to burglary.
Jenkins was charged in January in connection with a reported burglary on the 700 block of Elm Street.
According to previous Piqua police reports, an officer found two windows and a door open in addition to damage consistent with someone attempting to pry a screen open a window. There also were shoe prints on a City of Piqua recycle bin, suggesting that it had been used to help someone climb through the window.
The items reported missing included a 55-inch flat-screen television and a 9mm pistol.
Man fined for menacing
Michael A. Minker, 40, of Piqua, was given a fine and suspended jail time for threatening to shoot his neighbor. Minker will have to pay a total of $150. Minker also spent approximately 13 days in jail from the time he was arrested to the time he was sentenced.
Minker was originally charged charged with first-degree misdemeanor aggravated menacing and fourth-degree disorderly conduct after a reported disturbance on the 800 block of Caldwell Street on Aug. 4 at approximately 3:30 a.m. He was found guilty of the lesser charge fourth-degree misdemeanor menacing and the original charge of disorderly conduct.
It was the second disturbance reported that night in which Minker was reportedly involved. During the first incident, there was a report of shots fired. According to Piqua police reports, the involved subjects did not cooperate after the first incident and they were warned for disorderly conduct.
During the second incident, a woman with Minker was outside “yelling and screaming,” according to Piqua police reports. When someone asked her to go inside due to the early hours of the day, Minker was reportedly seen yelling, “I will shoot you” at that person.
When Minker was taken into custody, he harassed the arresting officers. According to Piqua police reports, Minker called the police officers profane names, threatened to harm the officers, and challenged the officers to fight him.
According to court records, Minker appeared to have no prior criminal history as an adult.
The woman who was reportedly with Minker — Nicole E. Meyers, 33, of Piqua — was charged with fourth-degree misdemeanor disorderly conduct in connection with this incident. Meyers was released after being charged. Her next court date is scheduled for Sept. 14.
Jenkins http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Robert-Jenkins-CMYK.jpg Jenkins Minker http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Michael-A-Minker-CMYK-1.jpg Minker Jenkins http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Robert-Jenkins.jpg Jenkins
Minker fined for menacing
By Sam Wildow [email protected]
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336 | http://dailycall.com/news/14802/14802 | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/5d395c4373d1c23da93b94f3b3e62a621c38db2387c25da1aa0d01430d1c1416.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-27T14:46:08" | null | "2016-08-27T09:52:06" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14826%2Fcbc-to-begin-testing-for-zika.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14826/cbc-to-begin-testing-for-zika | en | null | CBC to begin testing for Zika | null | null | dailycall.com | DAYTON — Community Blood Center is taking necessary steps to comply with new recommendations issued by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to protect the blood supply against the Zika virus.
The FDA today recommended universal testing of all donated whole blood and blood components for the Zika virus in the U.S. and its territories. CBC applied in June for use of the investigational new drug (IND) authorized by the FDA as a blood screening test for Zika. At the time states with active Zika transmission held the highest priority for receiving the test and beginning screening.
The FDA is now recommending immediate testing in states and territories with one or more reported locally acquired mosquito-borne cases of Zika. Eleven southern and western states must begin testing as soon as feasible, but no later than four weeks (Sept. 23). All other states, including Ohio and Indiana, must begin testing as soon as feasible, but no later than 12 weeks (Nov. 18).
CBC will continue the screening methods in place to defer potential donors who have traveled to Zika endemic areas in the prior four weeks. The list of active Zika transmission areas was recently expanded to include two Florida counties.
CBC is deferring potential donors for 28 days who have traveled to Florida’s Miami-Dade County and Palm Beach County, as well as the Caribbean, Mexico and Central or South America.
CBC asks all donors to be aware that travel restrictions impact the available blood supply by further limiting the number of people able to donate. CBC encourages eligible donors to schedule appointments and donate when able.
“There is still much uncertainty regarding the nature and extent of Zika virus transmission,” said Peter Marks, M.D., Ph.D., director of the FDA’s Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research. “At this time, the recommendation for testing the entire blood supply will help ensure that safe blood is available for all individuals who might need transfusion.”
Testing of donated blood is already underway in Florida and Puerto Rico, as well as in other areas, and it has shown to be beneficial in identifying donations infected with Zika virus. Expanded testing will continue to reduce the risk for transmission of Zika virus through the U.S. blood supply and will be in effect until the risk of transfusion transmission of Zika virus is reduced. | http://dailycall.com/news/14826/cbc-to-begin-testing-for-zika | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/a93e38f6265bd65c4d454e502baa0fad8f49b89bb9c4a11ff092a8c6219b19ee.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T18:46:49" | null | "2016-08-28T14:25:46" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Flocal%2F14881%2Fat-the-top-of-her-class.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_NextDoor-2.jpg | en | null | At the top of her class | null | null | dailycall.com | By David Fong
[email protected]
TROY — On a steamy August afternoon several weeks ago, Susan Dankworth and her teenage daughter, Taylor, were putting the finishing touches on her classroom at Hook Elementary School. The Dankworth family was getting ready to leave on vacation and Susan wanted to make sure he classroom was in order before they departed.
She was getting ready to leave the building for the day, but the fifth grade math and social studies teacher had one last task she wanted to accomplish.
Little did she know opening her email would change her life.
“It was 3:31 p.m. on Aug. 12, exactly,” Dankworth said, the memory of the moment causing a warm smile to stretch across her face. “I was shutting down and getting ready to go home. I happened to pull up my email and saw it …”
It was an email letting Dankworth know she was one of two educators from Ohio — and one of 213 from across the nation — who had been selected as a recipient of the prestigious Presidential Award for Excellence in Mathematics and Science Teaching. The award is given to outstanding K-12 mathematics and science teachers from across the country. The winners are selected by a panel of distinguished scientists, mathematicians, and educators following an initial selection process at the state level.
“When I saw it was from them, I was afraid to open it,” Dankworth said. “When I opened it, my daughter started yelling and I started crying. It was overwhelming.”
Dankworth, a 1985 Troy High School graduate and a graduate of The Ohio State University, will receive a $10,000 award from the National Science Foundation and will attend an awards ceremony, as well as educational and celebratory events, Sept. 7-9 in Washington, D.C. She’ll have the opportunity to tour the White House and, if he’s available, meet with President Barack Obama or members of his administration.
“The recipients of this award are integral to ensuring our students are equipped with critical thinking and problem-solving skills that are vital to our nation’s success,” President Obama said in a press release. “As the United States continues to lead the way in the innovation that is shaping our future, these excellent teachers are preparing students from all corners of the country with the science, technology, engineering and mathematics skills that help keep us on the cutting-edge.”
One of the reasons Dankworth was honored was because of her collaborative approach to teaching mathematics to students.
“I decided I wasn’t going to do things just from the textbook,” she said. “I want students to see why something works and how something works and not just be told what to do. I don’t want them to just memorize facts — memorization doesn’t work.”
The honor has been a long time coming for Dankworth. She was initially nominated by Hook Elementary School principal Penny Johnson in March of 2014.
“I had watched her give presentations at Wright State University, plus I had seen her in the classroom,” Johnson said. “When I saw what she could do and the way she reached students, I thought, ‘Other people need to see this.’ We are so fortunate to have her here at our school.”
From there, Dankworth had to fill out an eight-page application, three letters of recommendation, a resume, a complete lesson plan and a 45-minute uninterrupted video of her teaching in her classroom.
“They actually had webinars we had to watch to make sure we were submitting all the materials, because it was such a long process,” Dankworth said with a laugh. “At one point, I began to wonder how many people actually follow through with the whole process.”
In July of 2014, she learned she had been named one of five finalists for the state of Ohio. The process would continue for more than two years — with updates along the way — before Dankworth finally found out she had been selected as one of the winners.
The wait, however, was more than worth it. Since it was announced one week ago she had been named one of the recipients of the award, Dankworth said the response from family, friends, colleagues, media members and the community has been non-stop.
“I’ve been overwhelmed by the response,” she said. “It’s been extremely overwhelming. It’s kind of funny, because I obviously never got into teaching to ever win any awards. I love coming here. I laugh every day I’m here. I’ve always told people that I don’t really consider this work. I’m fortunate to have this opportunity.
“Now every time I open my Facebook, I see between 30 or 40 notifications from people congratulating me. It’s been a very humbling experience. I’m so thankful to have the opportunities I have here at Hook and in the Troy City School District.”
Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Susan Dankworth a fifth grade mathetmatics and social studies teacher at Hook Elementary School in Troy, recently was named a recipient of the prestigious Presidential Award for Excellence in Mathematics and Science Teaching. She was one of two teachers selected from Ohio and one of 213 selected from across the nation. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160825aw_Dankworth_3158.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Susan Dankworth a fifth grade mathetmatics and social studies teacher at Hook Elementary School in Troy, recently was named a recipient of the prestigious Presidential Award for Excellence in Mathematics and Science Teaching. She was one of two teachers selected from Ohio and one of 213 selected from across the nation. Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Hook Elementary School fifth grade math teacher Susan Dankworth helps Alex Helphinstine with long division as Zach Roades looks on Thursday at the school in Troy. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160825aw_Dankworth_3183.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Hook Elementary School fifth grade math teacher Susan Dankworth helps Alex Helphinstine with long division as Zach Roades looks on Thursday at the school in Troy. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_NextDoor-2.jpg | http://dailycall.com/news/local/14881/at-the-top-of-her-class | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/259cec5df14f1358888450e66639b9b2bf9bed94affc69750f540d70001c49d6.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-27T18:46:18" | null | "2016-08-27T13:32:04" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fpublic-records%2F14831%2Fmiami-county-real-estate-6.json | http://dailycall.com/news/public-records/14831/miami-county-real-estate-6 | en | null | Miami County Real Estate | null | null | dailycall.com | TROY
Hannah Taylor to Hannah Taylor, Michael Taylor, one lot, $0.
Charlotte Hannah, Constance Hannah, Georgia Hannah, James Hannah, Michael Hannah to Daniel Drodge, Terrilynn Meece, one lot, $152,000.
Mary Heinaman Trust, Mary Heinaman, trustee to Heather Antonides, Timothy Antonides, one lot, $258,500.
Bank of New York Trust Company, Gregory Booher, Bank of New York Mellon, etc., to Kathy Booher, one lot, $23,300.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox, William Knisley to Citifinancial Servicing LLC, one lot, $51,400.
N.P. Dodge Jr., trustee, to Heather Hurd, Robert Hurd, one lot, $189,900.
Gordon Neumann, Karen Neumann, Melinda Neumann, Peter Neumann, Mark Scott, Ruth Scott to M. Carol Smith, one lot, $125,000.
Estate of Charles Barrett Jr., Shannon Dykes, administrator to Dorothy Crowl, one lot, $243,000.
Bernice Michael, Zane Michael to Bernice Michael, Zane Michael, one lot, $0.
Birchard Taylor, Janine Taylor to Kenny York, Lynn York, one lot, $393,000.
Stonebridge Meadows LLC to NVR Inc., one lot, $55,000.
Jennifer Deane, Joshua Deane to Abel Fuentes, Martha Fuentes, one lot, $40,000.
Stonebridge Meadows LLC to NVR Inc., one lot, $55,000.
Estate of Larry Linker, Linda Fricke, executor, to Sue Parker, two lots, $120,000.
Mike Hawk Homes LLC to Sevitts Properties LLC, one lot, $50,000.
Tracy Claybon, Tracy Hoyt to Adrian Scarpella, Brittany Scarpella, one lot, $186,000.
Dustin Goubeaux, Michael Myers to Bill Dawes, Melinda McGrath, one lot, $85,500.
Darlene Johnson, Steve Johnson to Donnie Sullivan, one lot, $48,100.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 814 W. Water Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to Vornholt Street, one lot, $0.
Shirley Wagner to 605 Virginia Avenue LLC, one lot, $0.
Shirley Wagner to Canal Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Shirley Wagner to 505 Michigan Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 101 North Madison Street, one lot, $0.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 506 Market Street, one lot, $0.
Gloria Morrison to Gloria Morrison, one lot, $0.
Ronald Fox, Linda Pickering to Linda Pickering, one lot, $0.
U.S. Bank N.A. to Thomas Spayde, one lot, $122,100.
Dana Cosby, Ronald Cosby Jr. to Billie Shroyer, Carl Shroyer, one lot, $194,000.
Danielle Butson, Jeffrey Butson to Zakery Krueper, one lot, $89,000.
James Nutt, Melanie Nutt to Andrew Ohls, Daniela Ohls, two lots, $183,000.
PIQUA
Floyd and Patricia Wenrick Joint Irrevocable Trust, Jeffrey Wenrick, trustee to Vicky Fravel, Sue Schaefer, Jeffrey Wenrick, one lot, $0.
Caliber Real Estate Services LLC, attorney in fact, LSF9 Master Participation Trust, U.S. Bank Trust N.A., trustee to Janet Houser, two lots, $34,900.
Jeffrey Neves, trustee, Rolland and Lia NEves Revocable Living Trust to Deborah Deeter, Michael Deeter, one lot, $103,500.
Raymond Alexander to Dorothy Alexander, one lot, $32,500.
Federal Home Loan Mortgage Company, Manley, Deas, and Kochalski LLC, attorney in fact to Amanda Swanton, Bradley Young, two lots, $0.
Estate of Eileen Larger, Eileen Larger, Angela Moyer, co-executor, Elfreda Trittschuh, co-executor to Leona Fulks, one lot, $152,000.
Estate of Ronnie Messer, Rhonda Smith, administrator to Tony Messer, one lot, $12,000.
Estate of Lia Neves to Rolland Neves and Lia Neves Revocable Trust, $0.
Federal Home Loan Mortgage Company, Lerner, Sampson, and Rothfuss, attorney in fact, to Andrew Snyder, one lot, $0.
Mitchel Sirch to Michael Dankworth, Pamela Dankworth, one lot, $102,000.
Cynthia Tamplin to Eric Hiser, Tiffany Hiser, one lot, $120,000.
Jeffery Covault, Jillian Covault to Michelle Boyd, one lot, $82,400.
Dawn Holly, Dawn Kiamy, Michael Kiamy to Paul Maxwell, one lot, $59,000.
Robert Kurckeberg to Terri Livesay, one lot, $0.
Estate of Janet Hartley, Matthew Wiley, executor to Megan Jess, one lot, $43,000.
Innovative Investing LLC to VSF Investments Ltd., one lot, $105,000.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox, Joanne Motter, Mark Motter to Terry Stamper, one lot, $73,900.
Robert Heindel, Tina Heindel to Zachary Legge, one lot, $74,000.
TIPP CITY
Miami County Sheriff Charles Cox, Norman Giessman to 25A Beverage and Deli Inc., two lots, $59,000.
Lisa Ratermann, Philip Ratermann to Lisa Kreusch, Mark Kreusch, one lot, $332,500.
Henry Barthel, Lucinda Barthel to Henry and Lucinda Barthel Revocable Trust Agreement, Henry Barthel, co-trustee, Lucinda Barthel, co-trustee, one lot, $0.
Estate of Oneida Music, Lori Herkins, executrix to Joann Vonkrosigk, Sam Vonkrosigk, one lot, $189,900.
Community Property Group Troy to James Heatherly, Samuel Spano, one lot, $19,500.
Heather Bailey, Frank Scenna to Team Scenna Rentals LLC, three lots, $0.
Heather Bailey, Frank Scenna to Team Scenna Rentals LLC, one lot, $0.
Jo Ann Von Krosigk, Sam Von Krosigk to Pamela Von Krosigk, one lot, $130,000.
HUBER HEIGHTS
NVR Inc. to Dennis Wooten, Jackie Wooten, two lots, $311,400.
NVR Inc. to Gulali Burkhanov, two lots, $285,800.
Inverness Group Inc., Carol Thrush, Lynn Thrush to Carol Thrush, Lynn Thrush, two lots, $283,500.
Inverness Group Inc to Jeremy Reighley, Rebecca Reighley, two lots, $215,500.
NVR Inc. to Romay Phillips, Steven Phillips, two lots, $224,400.
Carriage Trails at the Heights LLC, Dec Land Co. I LLC to NVR Inc., two lots, $33,500.
Carriage Trails at the Heights LLC, Dec Land Co. I LLC to NVR Inc., two lots, $43,500.
NVR Inc. to Ruslan Mamatov, two lots, $284,100.
Jeylyn Makemson, attorney in fact, Kyle Makemson to Justin Foust, two lots, $167,500.
Mariola Martinez-Rosado, Joel Ortiz-Soto to Anishka Davis, Darrell Davis, two lots, $240,000.
Inverness Group Inc to Emil Kuchiyev, Elnora Kuchiyeva, two lots, $332,900.
COVINGTON
James Lee, Sharon Lee to Shirley Rhoades, one lot, $78,000
Connie Benbow, Jeffery Benbow to Kelly Deeter, Shanda Deeter, one lot, $11,000.
FLETCHER
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 204 West Main Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Beverly Smith, Norman Smith to Kerry Elifritz, Richard Elifritz, one lot, $28,000.
Justin Miller to Chrystal Miller, Justin Miller, one lot, $0.
WEST MILTON
Nicole Grove, Ryan Grove to Lee Truesdale, Lucas Truesdale, two lots, $154,900.
Brenda McKee, John Stewart to John Stewart, one lot, $0.
BETHEL TWP.
Phyllis Hanson to Elaine Pike, 3.154 acres, $160,000.
BROWN TWP.
MJ Davidson Holding LLC to MJ Davidson, Piqua Troy Investment LLC, $262,500.
CONCORD TWP.
Cesar Mideros, Sylvie Mideros to Celine Feyten, Pierre Jullin-Yves, one lot, $325,000.
ELIZABETH TWP.
Mary Ann Jacobs, Todd Jacobs to Rodney Sizemore, 0.495 acres, $122,500.
LOSTCREEK TWP.
Beulah Dickerson, Daniel Dickerson to Dickerson Keystone Preservation, Jacqueline Phillips, trustee, 4.5 acres, $0.
MONROE TWP.
Norwest Bank Minnesota, N.A., Ocwen Loan Servicing LLC, attorney in fact, Renaissance Hel Trust, Wells Fargo Bank N.A, to Boom SC LLC, $23,100.
Donald Belt Trust Agreement, Donald Belt, trustee, Tara Belt Trust Agreement, Tara Belt, trustee to Jared Pitts, one lot, $346,000.
Macy Myers, Ryan Myers to Jacob Albright, 2.580 acres, $105,000.
Nicholas Baughman to Stephen Charnock, 1.048 acres, 0.019 acres, $166,200.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox, James Witt, Penny Witt to Wells Fargo Bank N.A., $66,000.
NEWBERRY TWP.
Barbara Sanderson, Thomas Sanderson to Barbara Sanderson, Thomas Sanderson, 3.014 acres, $0.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox, Benjamin Mahan to Chase Home Finance LLC, JP Morgan Chase Bank, N.A., 0.743 acres, $83,400.
NEWTON TWP.
Shirley Wagner to 8795 Horseshoe Bend Road LLC, one lot, $0.
SPRINGCREEK TWP.
Beverly Morris to Deborah Harris, 1.404 acres, $77,200.
STAUNTON TWP.
Paul Sowers to Chelsea Hutchinson, Kyle Hutchinson, 0.761 acres, $129,900.
UNION TWP.
Deborah Deeter, Michael Deeter to Kyle Knight, Kim Schnipke, 1.00 acres, $119,000.
Estate of June Strawser to Wayne Sink, Jan Strawser, Laura Thompson, 25.342 acres, $0.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox,, Joe Graf, Shannon Graf to Federal National Mortgage Association, $0.
WASHINGTON TWP.
Kimberly Aebie, Todd Aebie to Red Apple Acres, 62.672 acres, $0.
Shirley Kiefer, Thomas Kiefer, trustee to Kiefer Revocable Living Trust, 1.085 acres, $0. | http://dailycall.com/news/public-records/14831/miami-county-real-estate-6 | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/1e55a28d8a09dde349da9413150efdbbec160c672860e575f1c494ac6e94a766.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:53:02" | null | "2016-08-25T15:08:10" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14774%2Fmiami-county-commissioners-approve-purchase-of-recording-system.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14774/miami-county-commissioners-approve-purchase-of-recording-system | en | null | Miami County Commissioners approve purchase of recording system | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — Miami County Commissioners approved the purchase of a logging and recording system for the 911 Communication Center during their regular meeting Thursday afternoon.
The county will purchase the NICE NRX over-the-air recording system from Applied Digital Solutions in Louisville, Ky., at a cost not to exceed $25,781.73. The new system will be utilized to record radio traffic on the six frequencies that will comprise the Miami County MARCS (Multi-Agency Radio Communication System) simulcast radio system.
The Data Board approved the purchase on Aug. 10, and multiple quotes were received, said Leigh Williams, commissioners’ administrator.
“This will be logging and recording radio traffic. Our new phone system records the telephone traffic,” Jeff Busch, director of the Communication Center, said. “The system we currently have is not capable of recording digital radio, which our new system will be digital.”
Busch explained that the Communication Center looked at four different options, but the NICE NRX system was the most cost-effective, with other options costing approximately $226,000 or $111,000. They also considered partnering with Montgomery County, but the initial estimated cost of doing that was approximately $60,000.
“It just pulls the radio traffic right off the air,” Busch said about the NICE NRX system. “It was much more cost-effective method of doing it.”
Commissioner Jack Evans asked about the annual maintenance fees. Busch said that the system comes with a one-year warranty and they will start paying annual maintenance fees starting at approximately $2,900 beginning the second year of using the NICE NRX system.
The commissioners also authorized the Communication Center to purchase control stations necessary for the NICE NRX system at a cost not to exceed $15,326.40.
Commissioners also set a date to receive sealed proposals for the Miami County Juvenile and Probate Court Case Management System, which will be held in the commissioners’ meeting at the Safety Building, 201 W. Main St., Troy, at 1:45 p.m. Sept. 29. The commissioners approved placing a legal ad about this in the Dayton Daily News on Aug. 28. They also rejected all proposals already received for this project under a previous resolution.
Following that, commissioners approved the submission of the Ohio Mental Health and Addiction Services Specialized Docket Payroll Subsidy Projection Application and Grant Agreement. The application and grant agreement also requested $24,338 — plus a carryover of $3,027.30 from the previous year’s grant — to cover 65 percent of a Municipal Court Drug Court employee’s salary and benefits from Sept. 5, 2016 to June 30, 2017. The county is required to pay 35 percent of the grant employee’s salary and fringes.
Later, commissioners set the date of Sept. 13, at 9:05 a.m. to hear zoning change requests from Donald Marshall of Union Township, Brent Clark of Newberry Township, and Daniel Blackburn of Union Township.
The commission then adopted a new personnel policy manual, which Williams said reduced the manual by approximately 70 pages. It was prepared by Zashin and Rich Co., LPA for the county departments.
The meeting ended with an executive session for the purpose of collective bargaining.
By Sam Wildow [email protected]
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336 | http://dailycall.com/news/14774/miami-county-commissioners-approve-purchase-of-recording-system | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/bf3ee5e33a8aa5602d6f6482b1aed2e971c277bac82833d1a462dec2c0b8a4f5.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-27T20:46:16" | null | "2016-08-27T16:26:06" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fbusiness%2F14847%2Fbusiness-briefs-8.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Potts-1.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | Potts promoted at Unity
PIQUA — Unity National Bank has announced the promotion of Chrissy Potts to branch manager.
Potts was previously an indirect lender and will now manage the Sunset Office in Piqua. Potts’ leadership skills as well as her lending experience will serve her well in her new role.
She is a volunteer for the Piqua Salvation Army and was a member of the Piqua Indian Athletic Boosters.
Potts graduated from Covington High School and the Upper Valley JVS. She was previously employed at Francis Office Supply as a sales and customer service representative.
She resides in Piqua with her husband Mark and daughter Tasha.
Financial forum offered
SIDNEY — E.K. Riley Investments LLC will present a fall financial forum, “Searching for Higher Yield in a Low Rate Economy,” on Oct. 20 at the Holiday Inn Express, Sidney.
The event will be hosted by David Levorchick of Nationwide and First Trust.
The program will be broke down into two sessions.
To make a reservation, or for more information, call (937) 489-2007, or email [email protected]
Nationally recognized economist to speak
DAYTON — The Dayton Region Manufacturers Association (DRMA) will present “Rising Trends for the U.S. and Global Economy” featuring Brian Beaulieu, a nationally recognized economist, on Thursday, Sept. 8, starting at 5 p.m. with a cocktail reception immediately following at Sinclair Community College.
There were rocky months in 2016, but the leading indicator trends are saying there are better days ahead. Beaulieu, CEO of ITR Economics, will look at the leading indicator trends that will shine a light into the future. We will examine how the US consumer is doing and what that means for local manufacturers. Brexit and other global realities will be considered. Beaulieu will look at such issues as how the economy typically performs the year after an election cycle, what rising minimum wages would mean, and other topical issues. Additionally, he will review these current events of public concern and how to expect them to affect businesses, as well as instructions for moving forward.
Beaulieu is co-author of the book “Make Your Move,” and has been giving workshops and seminars across the U.S. and Canada to thousands of business owners and executives over the past 25 years.
Doors open at 4:30 p.m.; the presentation begins at 5 p.m. with a cocktail reception beginning at 6:30 p.m. The price is $50 for DRMA members and $75 for non-members. Registration is available now, or for more information, visit the DRMA website at www.DaytonRMA.org
For more information about DRMA, visit www.DaytonRMA.org. | http://dailycall.com/news/business/14847/business-briefs-8 | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/1b397c50eb59e897ef99add187e019d011597c24dc63106618ea8b4ab97ef48f.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:46:56" | null | "2016-08-25T11:18:12" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14768%2Fitalian-visitor-enjoys-slice-of-americana.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_001.jpg | en | null | Italian visitor enjoys slice of Americana | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA — Although she lives several thousand miles away in the cosmopolitan city of Milan, Italy, 20-year-old Alice Terruzzi resembles a typical American millennial when it comes to fashion, music and aspirations to complete her education.
For the past three weeks, Terruzzi has been the houseguest of Melvin and Connie Porchers of Piqua. The relationship stems from Connie Porchers’ affinity for Christmas ornaments and Terruzzi’s lineage with Soffieria De Carlini, world-renowned glass blowers of artistic silvered hand-decorated Christmas ornaments in Milan.
Alice Terruzzi, who arrived with her father, Luca, to a Christmas convention in Rye, N.Y., in mid-summer, spent a week with a family in the New York City area before traveling to Piqua to spend time with her new American “family.” Father Luca Terruzzi heads up the glass blowing workshop within the family business. Her grandmother, Rosa De Carlini Terruzzi, is the daughter of Enrico De Carlini, who founded the business in 1947. Alice’s parents operate the factory for the exquisite Italian ornaments which Porchers has been selling online since 2003.
Relaxing in the backyard pool at the Porchers’ home, Alice described her first visit to the United States. “It’s very fast-paced,” she began, noting similarities between life in Milan and New York City. Accompanied by several daughters of New York hosts her own age, Alice had an opportunity to attend a performance of “Les Miserables,” visit Central Park and do some shopping in U.S. brand clothing stores — of which there are none in Milan despite it being a renowned fashion capital in Europe.
Although exhausted by all the walking in the Big Apple, the slender, dark-haired visitor enjoyed the experience, noting that when she returns to the U.S., she hopes to visit Washington, D.C., Chicago, Boston and the West Coast.
Alice, who has one brother, Marco, 15, has enjoyed her stay in Piqua with the Porchers, visiting local sites as well as traveling to Cleveland and Cincinnati. A music aficionado, the young Italian guest especially enjoyed visiting the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, observing, “It’s nice to know the history of music and where it comes from,” and adding she’s a special fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Muse and Elvis Presley, “who is the King.” Also a fan of Bon Jovi, Alice modestly admitted she sings in a six-member rock band made up of volunteers of the White Cross organization, which is equivalent to the Red Cross. “We’ve only practiced one time and we are bad,” she laughed. “We haven’t performed elsewhere yet.”
She especially likes seafood — oysters and mussels — and can’t get enough American hamburgers with ketchup and French fries. During her visit to Cincinnati, Alice and Porchers stopped at The Greene en route to their destination and shopped ‘til they dropped at several department stores and fashion outlets during their whirlwind trip. During a trip to Nordstrom’s, Alice was introduced to a stylist who outfitted her in three outfits with matching shoes and accessories. After each fitting, Alice sent an app photo to her mother in Italy for approval before paring down the choices, which included several fashionable tops and an assortment of jewelry.
In between activities, Alice has disciplined herself to study subjects such as chemistry and biology in preparation for entrance exams in September when she returns for her sophomore year at the Universita Di Pavia. She is currently enrolled in a five-year pharmacy program and, upon graduation, would like to perhaps work for a pharmaceutical company. Her mother and aunt both have pharmacy backgrounds and numerous relatives are either physicians or surgeons. Alice resides at home and commutes two hours by train daily to attend the university, which opened the first pharmacy school in Italy and counts among its student body many international students.
As her visit to Piqua winds down, Alice will attend an American-style wedding this evening before she departs. Asked what she looks forward to upon her return to Milan, she smiled and replied, “Pizza.”
Now that’s Italian!
Sharon Semanie | For the Daily Call Alice Terruzzi, right, from Milan, Italy, has been the guest of Melvin and Connie Porchers of Piqua for the past three weeks, and is set to leave on Saturday. Here, she and Connie Porchers show Christmas ornaments from the Terruzzi family business, Soffieria De Carlini of Milan. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_001.jpg Sharon Semanie | For the Daily Call Alice Terruzzi, right, from Milan, Italy, has been the guest of Melvin and Connie Porchers of Piqua for the past three weeks, and is set to leave on Saturday. Here, she and Connie Porchers show Christmas ornaments from the Terruzzi family business, Soffieria De Carlini of Milan.
Piqua family hosts 20-year-old guest
By Sharon Semanie For the Daily Call
Sharon Semanie is a journalist and longtime Piqua resident. She can be reached at [email protected] Belinda M. Paschal contributed to this story.
Sharon Semanie is a journalist and longtime Piqua resident. She can be reached at [email protected] Belinda M. Paschal contributed to this story. | http://dailycall.com/news/14768/italian-visitor-enjoys-slice-of-americana | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/1c81f62600c65c92ba9cec2ef9885a7290e803a9be3903a65892b34079af91f3.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-27T18:46:17" | null | "2016-08-27T13:01:57" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fsports%2F14829%2Fpiqua-football-rolls-to-win-over-meadowdale.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_082716mju_fb_phs_49.jpg | en | null | Piqua football rolls to win over Meadowdale | null | null | dailycall.com | By Rob Kiser
[email protected]
Piqua set the tone early — on both sides of the ball — and never let up in finishing off a 48-0 win over Meadowdale Saturday morning at Alexander Stadium/Purk Field to open the season.
The game was stopped at halftime Friday night with Piqua leading 14-0 by lightning and resumed Saturday morning.
“We get off to a great start,” Piqua coach Bill Nees said about the resumption of play. “We wanted to come out and set the tone and we did that.”
Piqua had the ball five times in the second half — scoring four touchdowns. On the final possession, the Indians took a knee at the Meadowdale 10 to run out the clock.
“We wanted to come out and set the tone,” Allen Schrubb, who finished with 142yards and two touchdowns on 10 carries, said.
Piqua took the opening kickoff and went 62 yards on five plays — after four runs by Darien Tipps-Clemons went for 28 yards, Schrubb rumbled 34 yards for the score and Robbie Comstock’s kick made it 21-0 with 9:49 remaining in the third quarter.
Following a three-and-out by Meadowdale, Tipps-Clemons had a 32-yard run and 10-yard run by Schrubb set up a 5-yard TD run by Tipps-Clemons with Comstock’s kick making it 28-0.
Hunter Hawk then had his second interception of the game and returned it for a touchdown, but it was called back on an illegal block.
But, it took the Indians only two plays to go 51 yards.
Derek Hite caught an 18-yard pass from quarterback Austin Davis and Schrubb rumbled 33 yards on the next play with Comstock’s kick made it 35-0 with 4:46 to go in the third quarter.
“The offensive line did a great job,” Schrubb said. “And Darien (Tipps-Clemons) did a great job blocking for me. I know we get on the offensive line a lot, but they do a great job.”
Then, on second-and-10 from the Meadowdale 20, Piqua linebacker Ben Schmiesing tipped a pass to himself and ran 15 yards to the end zone to put Piqua up 41-0.
“We changed to lockdown right before the play,” Schmiesing said. “I was trying to decide whether just to go for the ball or just stop and tip it and I ended up tipping it to myself.”
It was a heads up play by the junior.
“We changed coverages right before the play,” Nees said. “That gave Ben (Schmiesing) that extra step to get there and make that play.”
Piqua’s final score came on a six-yard run by Janes Congdon to make the final 48-0.
The Indians run defense was steallar all game — led by Tristen Cox. The Lions finished with minus-13 yards rushing on 19 carries.
“We just talked about coming out and doing the things we needed to do,” Cox said. “Now, we get ready for a big game with Trotwood.”
The pass defense was just as impressive on Saturday.
After Lions quarterback Elijah Carson completed 10 of 21 passes for 91 yards Friday with an interception — he was just 1-for-8 passing Saturday for minus-5 yards and two interceptions.
“We changed up a few of the coverages,” Schmiesing said. “We just changed a few things in the secondary.”
Nees felt the Indians pass rush was also part of that.
“I know we didn’t have a lot of sacks,” Nees said. “But, we were able to affect the quarterback on some throws and get our hands on some balls.”
Tipps-Clemons added 116 yards on 20 carries to the pronged attack.
Davis completed five of 10 passes for 118 yards.
Hayden Scrubb had two catches for 63 yards, Schmiesing had two for 38 yards and a TD and Derek Hite had an 18-yard reception.
Now, the Indians will become road warriors — playing away from home four of the next five weeks — starting Friday at Trotwood-Madison.
“It is always nice to get that first win,” Schmiesing said. “Now, we have got a big game with Trotwood.”
After setting the tone from the start Saturday. | http://dailycall.com/sports/14829/piqua-football-rolls-to-win-over-meadowdale | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/3c12be7057f990429930525f0635dde48add880c4d4faf013b095e330ed892b8.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T12:55:58" | null | "2015-04-27T23:02:47" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Funcategorized%2F1%2Fhello-world.json | http://dailycall.com/uncategorized/1/hello-world | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging! | http://dailycall.com/uncategorized/1/hello-world | en | "2015-04-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/1f8f79c4237e9353dc828fefe1847eb7c5908a05f6f40489373dc1fbd20bfbb5.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-29T18:47:14" | null | "2016-08-29T13:16:37" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Freligion%2F14898%2Fohio-pharmacies-dispensing-narcan-reaches-1000.json | http://dailycall.com/news/religion/14898/ohio-pharmacies-dispensing-narcan-reaches-1000 | en | null | Ohio pharmacies dispensing Narcan reaches 1,000 | null | null | dailycall.com | COLUMBUS — The state of Ohio Board of Pharmacy has announced that 1,000 Ohio pharmacies in 79 counties now offer naloxone without a prescription. Naloxone (Narcan) is a safe medication that can reverse an overdose that is caused by prescription opioids, heroin and fentanyl.
When administered during an overdose, naloxone blocks the effects of opioids on the brain and can restore breathing in a matter of minutes.
“Increasing the availability of naloxone is essential in preventing fatal drug overdoses impacting our state,” said State of Ohio Board of Pharmacy Executive Director Steven W. Schierholt. “I am proud that Ohio pharmacies have stepped up to offer this medication in their communities.”
To expand access to naloxone, Governor Kasich signed House Bill 4, sponsored by State Representatives Robert Sprague and Jeff Rezabek. This legislation allows pharmacists to dispense naloxone without a prescription to an at-risk opioid user or a friend, family member or other individual who can intervene in the event of an overdose.
“Pharmacists are playing a key role in the fight against opioid addiction. The signing of House Bill 4, along with other legislation, has provided Ohioans with increased access to naloxone. Expanding this life-saving medication’s availability has resulted in thousands of lives being saved,” said Rep. Sprague. “Most recently, the Governor signed the 9-1-1 Good Samaritan law. This law provides immunity for minor drug possession, when individuals seek emergency assistance for a drug overdose, and it helps link individuals with the treatment system. These policies help keep people alive, and when tied with other initiatives, they are a key part of the overall solution to the addiction epidemic.”
“We know for a fact that the drug is working to reverse overdoses and save lives. It was a privilege of mine to work with Representative Sprague on legislation to increase access to naloxone without a prescription in order to continue to battle the drug epidemic here in our state,” said Rep. Rezabek.
Miami County pharmacies now carrying the drug include:
• CVS Pharmacy, 804 W. Main St., Troy
• Kroger Pharmacy, 731 W. Market St., Troy
• Meijer Pharmacy, 1900 W. Main St., Troy
• Walgreens, 20 W. Market St., Troy
• Kroger Pharmacy, 1510 Covington Ave., Piqua
• CVS, 115 N. College St., Piqua
• CVS Pharmacy, 914 W. Main St., Tipp City
For a complete list of all pharmacies offering naloxone without a prescription, visit www.pharmacy.ohio.gov/stopoverdose. | http://dailycall.com/news/religion/14898/ohio-pharmacies-dispensing-narcan-reaches-1000 | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/4103dce44b1e4bf69374214cdb8e61936adbbc99909eef03c25d370fb8136379.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-29T22:47:17" | null | "2016-08-29T18:12:48" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14902%2Fgettysburg-woman-who-faked-cancer-sentenced-to-prison.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_MUGSHOTS_34259607.jpg | en | null | Gettysburg woman who faked cancer sentenced to prison | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — Alive and well, Melissa Smith, 49, of Gettysburg, was sentenced to serve nine months in prison on two counts of fifth degree theft in Miami County Common Pleas Court on Monday.
Smith had told various friends and relatives she was diagnosed with breast cancer and need money for treatments and medication. She also told various victims she only had weeks to live and needed money for travel to Chicago for treatment.
Judge Christopher Gee sentenced Smith to serve nine months on each count of theft. She will serve the terms concurrently.
Judge Gee reprimanded Smith for causing not only economic harm to her victims, but emotional and psychological harm. Judge Gee noted the “extreme lengths” Smith went to humiliate and take advantage of one victim’s humanity and kindness as well as the economic losses the victims suffered.
One victim told authorities that she accompanied Smith to a Piqua funeral home to assist her in making funeral arrangements. Another elderly victim took Smith to the grocery store and bought her more than $410 in food. Smith was ordered to pay the $410 back to that victim as well as $6,473 to the other victim in restitution.
In a plea agreement with the state, prosecutors dismissed one count of second degree felony corrupt activity and a fifth degree felony of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.
Prior to sentencing, Smith apologized to the victims and asked for a chance to “make things right.”
Miami County assistant prosecutor Janna Parker said in her 14 years as an attorney, Smith was one of the most deceptive defendants she had prosecuted in her career.
Parker said Smith’s “depraved conduct” manipulated the victims to believing she was dying and they all willingly gave her money which was likely supporting Smith’s “excessive shopping.”
Parker also noted Smith had bilked thousands of dollars from elderly victims in Sept. 2015 and charged with theft in those cases.
Smith was granted 58 days of jail time credit.
Smith http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_MUGSHOTS_34259607.jpg Smith
Victims believed she had breast cancer and only weeks to live
By Melanie Yingst [email protected]
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @Troydailynews
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @Troydailynews | http://dailycall.com/news/14902/gettysburg-woman-who-faked-cancer-sentenced-to-prison | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/e193dfa6cbb4f3af3f1af675d3ff42e8c95e088ba01aa03b84b7794cb10a123f.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:52:31" | null | "2016-08-25T14:20:34" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Fannouncements%2F14772%2Fyount.json | http://dailycall.com/features/announcements/14772/yount | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA — India Blair Yount, 85 of Piqua, passed away Wednesday, August 24, 2016 at Good Samaritan Hospital, Dayton.
Graveside Service and Interment 12:30 P.M. Saturday at Miami Memorial Park Cemetery, Covington with Herb Lear officiating. | http://dailycall.com/features/announcements/14772/yount | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/fb62ce1009242c9b55af512bc758f50ab568ac2f97981d6ae78d6296b7761f4f.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-29T22:47:15" | null | "2016-08-29T17:47:08" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fbriefs%2F14900%2Farea-briefs-146.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Ross-Geuy.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | PMH luncheon planned
COVINGTON — All former employees of Piqua Memorial Hospital are invited to a luncheon at Buffalo Jacks, Covington, at 11:30 a.m. Thursday. No reservations needed as participants will order from the menu. For more information, call Nancy at (937) 473-3337 or Judy at (937) 214-2036.
Geuy named to NSHSS
PORT JEFFERSON — Ross C. Geuy, son of Dana and Chris Geuy, of Port Jefferson, has been selected to become a member of the National Society of High School Scholars (NSHSS).
Geuy is a senior at Piqua High School. He serves as class president and president of the National Honor Society. He also served on the 2015-16 Mike Dewine Teen Ambassador Board.
NSHSS recognizes top scholars who have demonstrated outstanding leadership, scholarship and community commitment. The announcement of Geuy’s selection was made by NSHSS Founder and Chairman Claes Nobel, senior member of the family that established the Nobel Prizes.
Geuy’s grandparents are Barb and Dave Geuy, and Joyce and John Snowden, all of Sidney.
Community Night wraps up
TIPP CITY — The 25th season of Downtown Tipp City’s Community Night series will end Friday, Sept. 2, beginning at 6:15 p.m. with Raggedy Edge, followed by the Ginghamsburg Worship Band at 7:30 p.m.
Raggedy Edge is an acoustic duo featuring Lynn Perdzock and Bob Farley. Styles include blues, country, rock, pop, and jazz.
Directed by Rusty Eshelman, the Ginghamsburg Worship Band is a collective of musicians from the greater Miami Valley area who play a variety of genres.
It is recommended that you bring a lawn chair. In case of inclement weather, the concert will be canceled. For more information, stop by The Hotel Gallery or call (937) 667-3696. | http://dailycall.com/news/briefs/14900/area-briefs-146 | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/5edf33c91225d27719fa0f63636217b6330265795e6dbd9571957e8e1b570d69.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T14:47:40" | null | "2016-08-30T10:17:40" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Fannouncements%2Fbirthdays%2F14913%2Fhappy-birthday-to-evan-clark-2.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_evan.jpg | en | null | Happy birthday to Evan Clark | null | null | dailycall.com | Evan Jefferson Clark
Birthdate: Aug. 28, 2006
Age: 10
Parents: Jeff and Lisa Clark of Piqua
Grandparents: Linda and the late Steve Sullenberger of Celina, Dave and Carol Clark of Piqua
Great-grandmother: Edith Sullenberger of Piqua | http://dailycall.com/features/announcements/birthdays/14913/happy-birthday-to-evan-clark-2 | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/073739a8caffb4bb59a8199ac5aaf3b5d464db2c1d370fb6d526fd3693349471.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T18:45:48" | null | "2016-08-26T13:47:57" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ftop-stories%2F14809%2Fa-legend-visits-youth.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160826aw_Goodridge_3227.jpg | en | null | A legend visits youth | null | null | dailycall.com | Anthony Weber | Civitas Media
Former UFC Heavyweight championship contender Gary Goodridge, from Barrie, Ontario, visited youth at the West Central Juvenile Detention Center Friday in Troy. Goodridge chose the location to give a positive message and inspiration to the youth. “If you have the will and drive you can do anything,” he said. Goodridge was joined by “Legends of the Cage” tour manager Brian Moore. | http://dailycall.com/top-stories/14809/a-legend-visits-youth | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/14d65be18f17140474a129a7c12ab87dc2ca9c6a050a82ea87d5fcbf3bd579d5.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:52:00" | null | "2016-08-25T11:24:29" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14770%2Fpiqua-police-reports-highlights-116.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_web1_web1_blackbgpdc9-9-1.jpg | en | null | Piqua police reports highlights | null | null | dailycall.com | To submit an anonymous tip through text messaging, type the keyword PIQUAPD and the message, then send it to 274637.
The Piqua Police Department can be contacted at (937) 778-2027. Anonymous tips can be submitted by calling 937-615-TIPS (8477) or by visiting www.piquaoh.org/police_submitatip.htm for more information.
PIQUA — The following are highlights from the Piqua police reports. All information is provided by Piqua police reports.
AGENCY ASSIST: Piqua officers assisted medics with CPR and carrying equipment at a squad call on W. High Street on Aug. 19 at 8:30 a.m. The patient was taken to the hospital.
DISTURBANCE: Kaleb M. Tamplin was charged with first-degree misdemeanor domestic violence and second-degree misdemeanor criminal damaging after a reported assault on Aug. 19 at 9:14 a.m. A phone was reported broken during the alleged assault.
There was a report of a juvenile female subject holding a knife on another juvenile at a residence on S. Wayne Street on Aug. 20 at 7:42 p.m.
THEFT: A television was reported stolen from a residence on W. Greene Street sometime between Aug. 17-19.
An employee for a trucking company reported on Aug. 19 that several vehicle key fobs were missing from vehicles while in transport. The caller asked for additional checks that the hotel that the drivers were staying at overnight.
A 20-inch boys black and red Mongoose bicycle was reported stolen from a yard on Leonard Street overnight between Aug. 18-19.
A business reported an orange and white Echo trimmer and leaf blower stolen on W. High Street on Aug. 19 at 10:20 a.m.
A backpack was reported stolen at a business on N. Sunset Drive on Aug. 20 at 9 p.m.
WARRANT: After investigating a report of a theft at a residence on W. Greene Street, there was a suspect with a an active warrant taken into custody on Aug. 19 at 1:26 p.m.
SUSPICIOUS: A caller reported an unknown man leaning against her garage on Park Avenue on Aug. 19 at 4 p.m. The man said he was cutting a tree down for a neighbor and was against the caller’s garage to stand in the shade.
A resident reported that she gave her bank account and social security number to someone over the phone who said the resident had won a new Mercedes and $1 million on Aug. 19.
Extra area checks were requested at a business parking lot on Looney Road due to possible drug deals and suspicious activity.
A resident reported finding several of his items down the river near the bike path near S. Main Street on Aug. 20 at 7:53 a.m. He requested extra area checks.
Subjects reported that someone in a vehicle threw a firecracker out the window on N. Main Street on Aug. 20 at 7:20 p.m.
There was a report of an intoxicated man at a residence causing a problem on N. College Street on Aug. 20 at 7:40 p.m. Upon arrival, the man went back into his apartment and the officer could not make contact with the man.
BURGLARY: Several items were report stolen from a residence on Parkridge Place on Aug. 19 at 4:47 p.m.
CRIMINAL DAMAGE: There was a report of a juvenile throwing a rock at a van in the area of Commercial and Miami streets on Aug. 19 at 5 p.m.
DISORDERLY CONDUCT: There was a report of two men “being loud and disorderly in a car near the soccer fields” at Pitsenbarger Park on Aug. 20 at 8 a.m., according to police reports.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_web1_web1_blackbgpdc9-9-1.jpg
By Sam Wildow [email protected]
To contact the Piqua Police Department: The Piqua Police Department can be contacted at (937) 778-2027. Anonymous tips can be submitted by calling 937-615-TIPS (8477) or by visiting www.piquaoh.org/police_submitatip.htm for more information. To submit an anonymous tip through text messaging, type the keyword PIQUAPD and the message, then send it to 274637.
Reach the writer at (937) 451-3336
Reach the writer at (937) 451-3336 | http://dailycall.com/news/14770/piqua-police-reports-highlights-116 | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/c082607a835ee3472bf586576380600046198464193a340abc5a6f6332d18127.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:50:59" | null | "2016-08-25T11:42:54" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Feducation%2F14771%2Fboe-discusses-possible-diploma-changes.json | http://dailycall.com/news/education/14771/boe-discusses-possible-diploma-changes | en | null | BOE discusses possible diploma changes | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA — Changes in the career tech honors diploma, as proposed by the State Board of Education, were discussed during the Monday meeting of the Upper Valley Career Center’s Board of Education.
Superintendent Dr. Nancy Luce shared her concerns about the new criteria. Three years of one language or two years of two languages would be required. She said given the constraints of career technical student’s school day, there is no time to offer language courses unless the time in the lab is reduced further.
In addition, she said, the credits required for the Career Tech Honor’s Diploma would exceed the Academic Honors Diploma and include a field experience, two portfolios, and additional assessments, preferably resulting in an industry credential. These proposed requirements would significantly limit a student’s ability to earn the CT Honor’s Diploma.
Luce also reported she attended a presentation by Lowe’s representatives of a $25,000 grant check to Upper Valley Career Center SkillsUSA Chapter. For the project, Upper Valley Career Center students will be working with the city of Piqua and the Fusion Community Learning Center in collaboration of Lowe’s to create a welcoming and Internet accessible gathering place of the city’s youth.
In other business, the board:
• Approved the Shelby County United Way special project grant in the amount of $2,750 for counseling services provided by New Creation Counseling Center for Shelby County students.
• Approved the purchase order to ATI Testing for $29,750 for Adult Division LPN testing.
• Approved a contract with Midwest Maintenance for the brick restoration to the Garbry Conference and Learning Center, 5 E. State Route 36, Piqua, for $38,000.
• Authorized Director of Business Operations Patrick Gibson to be able to approve change orders for the brick restoration at Garbry Conference and Learning Center. The change orders cannot exceed $25,000.
• Approved a community reinvestment area agreement between the village of Jackson Center and Airstream Inc. The village is granting Airstream a real property tax abatement of 100 percent for 15 years for real property improvements. Airstream is making a project investment of $3,800,000 in the village will will assist in maintaining 696 permanent full time jobs and create 35 permanent full job jobs with an additional annual payroll of $1,7500,000 within two years of the completion of the construction.
The board’s next meeting will be held Monday, Sept. 26, at 6 p.m. in the Adams Board Room in the main instructional building. | http://dailycall.com/news/education/14771/boe-discusses-possible-diploma-changes | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/7eb6696f01461c61e6862c08b85de6150ea2f18bd9a058f82f1ff0fe420423c3.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T16:46:51" | null | "2016-08-28T10:57:12" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14870%2Ffeed-ohio-accepting-donations-throughout-september.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_1462040958_cmyk.jpg | en | null | Feed Ohio accepting donations throughout September | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — September marks the fourth year for the Feed Ohio food drive, bringing in donations to help feed families within the community in conjunction with the National Day of Service.
Several businesses, organizations and churches in Miami County will be participating in Feed Ohio, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Piqua. The church, located at 475 W. Loy Road, will be accepting nonperishable food donations.
Numerous Troy and Tipp City area businesses also will host donation bins. Nonperishable food donations can be dropped off at any of the following locations throughout September: Troy City Hall Building, Troy Ford, US Bank (both Main and Market Street locations), YCMA Troy Branch, Troy Bulk Barn & Deli, Midwestern Ohio Association of Realtors, Tipp City Hall Building, Fraternal Order of Eagles, US Bank (Tipp City location), American Legion, Tipp Monroe Community Services, Community Bible Church, and Ginghamsburg Church.
Direct monetary and nonperishable food donations are accepted at KTH Parts Industries in St. Paris, Gokoh Corporation in Troy, Abbott Nutrition in Tipp City, Coldwater Café in Tipp City, and Harrison’s in Tipp City.
The Troy Walmart location will have a barrel for donations on Sept. 10 between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m.
According to feedohio.org, 17.8 percent of Ohioans are at risk for hunger and don’t always know where they will get their next meal. The goal of Feed Ohio is to help individuals and families within the state by providing food assistance. All donations serve the community, with donation items going directly into a local food bank. This years’ donations will go to the St. Patrick’s Kitchen of Troy and Needy Baskets and New Path, both located in Tipp City.
Since Feed Ohio’s creation in 2013, the program has seen growth. “Last year we collected over 5,000 pounds of nonperishable food and raised $1,250 in monetary donations. We have already exceeded the monetary donations this year,” Yuji Sato, the local coordinator for Feed Ohio, said. “I’m expecting over six or seven thousand pounds of nonperishable food this year.”
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_1462040958_cmyk.jpg | http://dailycall.com/news/14870/feed-ohio-accepting-donations-throughout-september | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/456770bff0a5fe20a8a471f9d300efcadf56701a19fc4ec9a68492832476b5e8.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-31T14:48:05" | null | "2016-08-31T10:08:14" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Flife%2F14945%2Fhauler-named-cmo-at-uvmc.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Jennifer-Hauler-DO.jpg | en | null | Hauler named CMO at UVMC | null | null | dailycall.com | TROY — Jennifer Hauler, D.O., has been named vice president of Medical Affairs and chief medical officer for Upper Valley Medical Center (UVMC). In this role, she is responsible for oversight of UVMC performance improvement/utilization management and all medical staff related issues.
A lifelong resident of Tipp City, Dr. Hauler received her doctor of osteopathic medicine degree from the Ohio University Heritage College of Osteopathic Medicine. She also completed a master of business administration degree from the Kelley School of Business at Indiana University. She is board certified in family medicine and emergency medicine.
Dr. Hauler is a certified paramedic and paramedic instructor and currently serves as medical director of the Troy and Vandalia fire departments. She previously served as medical director of the Huber Heights Emergency Department and as vice chair of family medicine at Grandview Hospital. She is past president of the Dayton District Academy of Osteopathic Medicine and secretary/treasurer of the Ohio Osteopathic Association.
“We are excited to have Dr. Hauler join the executive leaders within UVMC and Premier Health in helping to shape, guide and direct the overall quality and medical staff initiatives of UVMC,” said Becky Rice, UVMC president and CEO. “I am confident that Dr. Hauler’s talent and experience will contribute much in serving our patients and the community.”
“Dr. Hauler has a personal commitment to embrace the new challenges in health care, to lead, equip, and encourage physicians and all caregivers to succeed in the art and science of caring for our patients,” said Tammy Lundstrom, Premier Health chief medical officer. | http://dailycall.com/features/life/14945/hauler-named-cmo-at-uvmc | en | "2016-08-31T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/754da3c8f514631e5ad7358b5aacdcd0a268317815927ee3bb97d0e3c18c4f09.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T18:45:50" | null | "2016-08-26T13:01:10" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Fannouncements%2Fengagements%2F14804%2Flochtefeld-waterman-to-wed.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Stephanie-Engagement.jpg | en | null | Lochtefeld, Waterman to wed | null | null | dailycall.com | Gary and Bonnie Lochtefeld of Maria Stein announce the engagement and approaching marriage of their daughter, Stephanie Nicole, to Garret Lee Waterman, son of Randy and Kim Waterman of New Bremen. The bride’s grandmother is Irene Clark, and the late Terry Clark of Piqua.
The bride-elect is a 2010 graduate of Marion Local High School and a 2014 graduate of the University of Cincinnati with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She is employed as a registered nurse at Dayton’s Children’s Hospital.
The prospective groom is a 2011 graduate of New Bremen School He is a 2016 graduate of Wright State University with a Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering. He is employed as an engineer at Nidec Minster Machine Corporation.
The couple is planning a Sept. 17 wedding at St. Rose Catholic Church, St. Rose. A reception will follow at Knights of St. John’s Hall in Maria Stein. | http://dailycall.com/features/announcements/engagements/14804/lochtefeld-waterman-to-wed | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/c80c678ae80bdd634455dd3d9d539927785f0ea9d2e0146a32a98d01008b563c.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T16:47:39" | null | "2016-08-30T11:18:49" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14921%2Fmiami-county-commissioners-recieve-annexation-petition-of-55-acres.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14921/miami-county-commissioners-recieve-annexation-petition-of-55-acres | en | null | Miami County Commissioners receive annexation petition of 55 acres | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — The Miami County Commissioners acknowledged that they received an annexation petition of approximately 55.8 acres during their meeting Tuesday morning.
The land is currently in Concord Township. The petition was filed on behalf on First Troy Corporation and is seeking to annex that land to the city of Troy.
The commissioners also met with representatives from the Miami County Board of Elections, including board member Jose Lopez, Director Bev Kendall, and Deputy Director Eric Morgan. The board of elections was seeking more appropriations due to an additional special election.
Due to Democratic candidate Corey Foister dropping out of the race for U.S. Representative from Ohio’s 8th Congressional District, the district will now have to hold a special election Democratic primary on Sept. 13, to elect another Democrat to run against Warren Davidson. There is only one candidate on the ballot for the special election primary, Steven Fought.
The board of elections also must comply with what Lopez called an “unfunded mandate” from the Ohio Secretary of State’s Office, which is requiring the board of elections to purchase new batteries for the voting machines.
The commissioners did not authorize any extra funds on Tuesday, but they did advise the board of elections to come back once they have gotten through the special election in September, as they appear to have enough funds to get through that election.
The commissioners also set a date to receive bids for renovations to be done for the dispatch room at the 911 Communication Center. They set the date as Thursday, Sept. 22, at 1:35 p.m. in their meeting room at the safety building, located at 201 W. Main St. in Troy. A mandatory pre-bid conference will take place on Thursday, Sept. 15, at 11 a.m. at the Communication Center, located at 210 Marybill Drive in Troy. The legal advertisement for the bid will be placed in the Dayton Daily News.
Elections board seeks funds for special election
By Sam Wildow [email protected]
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336 | http://dailycall.com/news/14921/miami-county-commissioners-recieve-annexation-petition-of-55-acres | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/c8248b3233c240af8bb59f5fb74e1a473c631a8051281d452523c9376b413562.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T16:47:37" | null | "2016-08-30T10:49:02" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14920%2Fjammin-on-the-square.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_082616mju_mulligans_band.jpg | en | null | Jammin’ on the Square | null | null | dailycall.com | Mike Ullery | Daily Call
The D.B. Bryant Band performs on the square, outside of Mulligan’s, on Friday night. A large crowd gathered to listen to the South Carolina-based band. | http://dailycall.com/news/14920/jammin-on-the-square | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/a7bd4bfb91d7371dcece25d8296da6d64e35d4a61547859d7512a056fe9d6602.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T20:47:46" | null | "2016-08-30T14:53:13" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14937%2Fpiqua-police-reports-highlights-117.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_web1_web1_blackbgpdc9-9-2.jpg | en | null | Piqua police reports highlights | null | null | dailycall.com | To submit an anonymous tip through text messaging, type the keyword PIQUAPD and the message, then send it to 274637.
The Piqua Police Department can be contacted at (937) 778-2027. Anonymous tips can be submitted by calling 937-615-TIPS (8477) or by visiting www.piquaoh.org/police_submitatip.htm for more information.
PIQUA — The following are highlights from the Piqua police reports. All information is provided by Piqua police reports and Miami County Municipal Court records.
SUSPICIOUS: A complainant reported someone possibly putting sugar in her vehicle’s fuel tank on South Street on Aug. 24 at 2 p.m.
There was a report of three subjects walking and looking into car windows on Madison Avenue on Aug. 25 at 3 a.m. They were not located.
There was a report of young males changing clothes next to a vehicle outside of a residence on Home Avenue on Aug. 25 at 7 p.m. They left prior to officer arrival.
DRUG POSSESSION: A male juvenile offender, 14, was charged with minor misdemeanor drug possession and drug paraphernalia on Nicklin Avenue on Aug. 24. The charges were reportedly over marijuana.
CITIZEN ASSIST: A caller reported finding a 7-year-old boy on her porch who was lost on W. Greene Street on Aug. 24 at 4 p.m. The mother of the juvenile arrived the same time as the officer and said that the boy had been dropped off at the wrong bus stop.
UNRULY JUVENILE: There was a report of juveniles showing up to a resident’s home on Young Street to start a fight on Aug. 24 at 4:15 p.m.
DISORDERLY CONDUCT: There was a report of a disturbance outside of a residence on Brook Street on Aug. 24 at 6:38 p.m. The involved parties each said that there were ongoing problems between the two neighbors involved in this dispute. “Both advised that several hand gestures and words were exchanged,” according to police reports. They were advised to stay away from each other.
There was a report of an intoxicated woman attempting to gain access to a hotel on E. Ash Street through a locked exterior door on Aug. 24 at 11:14 p.m. She was not located.
THEFT: A vehicle was broken into on Madison Avenue overnight between Aug. 24-25. Money was reported stolen.
A wallet was stolen out of a truck on Park Avenue on Aug. 25 between 7-9 a.m.
WEAPONS OFFENSE: A caller reported seeing a man shooting what appeared to be a BB gun outside of a residence on Wood Street on Aug. 25 at 9:47 a.m. The suspect was warned for shooting a BB gun within city limits.
ANIMAL PROBLEM: A dog owner was cited after there was a report of one dog attacking another dog on Caldwell Street on Aug. 25 at 7 p.m.
WARRANT: Eric M. Dillingham, 60, of Piqua was picked up on N. Wayne Street on a warrant for a first-degree misdemeanor probation violation on Aug. 25 at 8:20 p.m.
MENACING: Neighbors reportedly got into an argument over an earlier dog bite incident on Broadway Street on Aug. 25 at 9 p.m. Each claimed that they had been threatened by the other. They were advised to stay away from each other and each other’s properties.
A student at the Piqua High School was reported as having made threatening statements on Aug. 25.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_web1_web1_blackbgpdc9-9-2.jpg
By Sam Wildow [email protected]
To contact the Piqua Police Department: The Piqua Police Department can be contacted at (937) 778-2027. Anonymous tips can be submitted by calling 937-615-TIPS (8477) or by visiting www.piquaoh.org/police_submitatip.htm for more information. To submit an anonymous tip through text messaging, type the keyword PIQUAPD and the message, then send it to 274637.
Reach the writer at (937) 451-3336
Reach the writer at (937) 451-3336 | http://dailycall.com/news/14937/piqua-police-reports-highlights-117 | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/00688bcbcf5506a510fac1d4c2555bb1b537a4838c90df383c9648944eb111fa.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T18:45:53" | null | "2016-08-26T13:51:10" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14810%2Fred-cross-seeks-to-aid-louisiana.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14810/red-cross-seeks-to-aid-louisiana | en | null | Red Cross seeks to aid Louisiana | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI VALLEY — The American Red Cross remains on the ground, with volunteers across nearly half of Louisiana, helping thousands who lost everything in recent devastating floods — the worst natural disaster since Superstorm Sandy in 2012.
To further aid community needs, the relief organization is building a new volunteer contingent to deploy “virtually” (read: working from home) to support the efforts currently underway thousands of miles away in the ravaged flood zone.
“The situation in Louisiana remains critical and so does our need to adapt by recruiting a new type of volunteer – virtual volunteers,” said Lynne Gump, executive director of the Northern Miami Valley Ohio Chapter of the American Red Cross. “I’m urging everyone to please consider becoming a new virtual volunteer. People desperately need help right now. By working from the comfort of your own home, you can make a real difference for people in Louisiana who have lost theirs.”
The organization seeks to add an additional 250 virtual volunteers as soon as possible. Opportunities include virtual caseworker and call center positions. More than 17,000 calls from people seeking information and help have already been handled.
As waters go down, the Red Cross is able to get into more and more neighborhoods, and volunteers on scene are working tirelessly to provide assistance. Nearly 90 response vehicles are fanning out through affected neighborhoods to distribute food, water and relief supplies such as personal hygiene items, insect repellant, cleaning kits and bleach. Local officials estimate more than 110,000 homes have been damaged.
To date, more than 1,900 Red Crossers from all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico are supporting Louisiana relief efforts. Since the onset of the flooding, the Red Cross and partners have served more than 260,000 meals and snacks, in addition to distributing nearly 60,000 relief items. Mental health disaster workers are visiting shelters to offer comfort. Health services volunteers are helping with things like lost eyeglasses and medications.
To become a virtual volunteer, individuals simply visit redcross.org and submit an application. The safety of the people the Red Cross serves and the volunteers who help them is of utmost importance to the Red Cross. The Red Cross has procedures in place to track who is volunteering to help keep people safe. This includes running a background check on all volunteers who will work directly with the people who turn to us for help or have access to funds. Volunteers also sign an agreement to abide by thecode of ethics and conduct. | http://dailycall.com/news/14810/red-cross-seeks-to-aid-louisiana | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/6dc681226c6530e8129bba8e862899327c8f11eef5c45fd12772d268f59f20dd.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T20:45:59" | null | "2016-08-26T16:26:13" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fbusiness%2F14815%2Fbusiness-briefs-7.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Potts.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | Potts promoted at Unity
PIQUA — Unity National Bank has announced the promotion of Chrissy Potts to branch manager.
Potts was previously an indirect lender and will now manage the Sunset Office in Piqua. Potts’ leadership skills as well as her lending experience will serve her well in her new role.
She is a volunteer for the Piqua Salvation Army and was a member of the Piqua Indian Athletic Boosters.
Potts graduated from Covington High School and the Upper Valley JVS. She was previously employed at Francis Office Supply as a sales and customer service representative.
She resides in Piqua with her husband Mark and daughter Tasha.
Financial forum offered
SIDNEY — E.K. Riley Investments LLC will present a fall financial forum, “Searching for Higher Yield in a Low Rate Economy,” on Oct. 20 at the Holiday Inn Express, Sidney.
The event will be hosted by David Levorchick of Nationwide and First Trust.
The program will be broke down into two sessions.
To make a reservation, or for more information, call (937) 489-2007, or email [email protected]
Nationally recognized economist to speak
DAYTON — The Dayton Region Manufacturers Association (DRMA) will present “Rising Trends for the U.S. and Global Economy” featuring Brian Beaulieu, a nationally recognized economist, on Thursday, Sept. 8, starting at 5 p.m. with a cocktail reception immediately following at Sinclair Community College.
There were rocky months in 2016, but the leading indicator trends are saying there are better days ahead. Beaulieu, CEO of ITR Economics, will look at the leading indicator trends that will shine a light into the future. We will examine how the US consumer is doing and what that means for local manufacturers. Brexit and other global realities will be considered. Beaulieu will look at such issues as how the economy typically performs the year after an election cycle, what rising minimum wages would mean, and other topical issues. Additionally, he will review these current events of public concern and how to expect them to affect businesses, as well as instructions for moving forward.
Beaulieu is co-author of the book “Make Your Move,” and has been giving workshops and seminars across the U.S. and Canada to thousands of business owners and executives over the past 25 years.
Doors open at 4:30 p.m.; the presentation begins at 5 p.m. with a cocktail reception beginning at 6:30 p.m. The price is $50 for DRMA members and $75 for non-members. Registration is available now, or for more information, visit the DRMA website at www.DaytonRMA.org
For more information about DRMA, visit www.DaytonRMA.org. | http://dailycall.com/news/business/14815/business-briefs-7 | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/e7bdb8aaa9c08af956d1dd7d77322dd89c818ae82252207b91c1cac3fa747dff.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T16:46:53" | null | "2016-08-28T12:14:06" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14874%2Fcity-of-piqua-awarded-300000-cdbg-infrastructure-grant.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14874/city-of-piqua-awarded-300000-cdbg-infrastructure-grant | en | null | City of Piqua awarded $300,000 CDBG infrastructure grant | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA — The city of Piqua was recently awarded a $300,000 Community Development Block Grant (CDBG) Critical Infrastructure Grant to be used for storm water improvements in the Shawnee neighborhood. The goal is to alleviate flooding issues in that part of town.
“We’re extremely excited for it,” Development Program Manager Nikki Reese said. “It’s huge for the Shawnee area, too.”
According to the city, the Ohio Development Services Agency (ODSA) received 69 Community Development Program Competitive Set-Aside applications this year. Funding requests for the Competitive Set-Asides, which include Neighborhood Revitalization, Downtown Revitalization, and Critical Infrastructure projects, totaled nearly $21.9 million. ODSA was able to fund 37 top ranking proposals, including this Critical Infrastructure project for Piqua.
This grant, combined with along with the city’s annual CDBG Community Development Allocation of $75,000, will be used to install 450 linear feet of a 48-inch storm water pipe in the Shawnee neighborhood. The installation will start at the intersection of Cleveland Street and Second Street and run west to the Great Miami River.
Reese explained that the Miami Conservancy District and the U.S. Army Corps are allowing the city to cut through the levee near Cleveland Street to install a of portion of that 48-inch storm water pipe that will go directly to the Great Miami River. The city will then repair the levee.
“This cut through the levee won’t be open all the time,” Reese said.
In order to qualify for CDBG funding, the project area must be at least 51 percent low-to-moderate income. According to the U.S. Census, the Shawnee neighborhood was cited as being approximately 39 percent low-to-moderate income.
“Based on the percentage, they wouldn’t have been eligible for CDBG (funding),” Reese said.
The city also had the option to do an income survey, which was completed in May and showed that actually, 69 percent of the Shawnee neighborhood is low-to-moderate income.
The income survey included mailing out anonymous surveys to residents that they were then supposed to send back to the city. The income surveys asked residents to check a box next to the range in which their income falls and then to put down their address. The residents did not provide their names.
“We have three months to get this survey completed,” Reese said. “This year was my second attempt.”
This time around, Reese had help from the group Citizens for a Better Piqua, who went door-to-door collecting income surveys from residents who had not mailed back their income surveys. According to Reese, there are 409 households in Shawnee in the project area and the city needed to collect 247 income surveys.
“It would not have happened without the 11 volunteers,” Reese said about Citizens for a Better Piqua. “They just did an amazing job going door-to-door.”
The income survey is also valid for five years, so it can be utilized to apply for other funding opportunities in the future.
This is the second year that the city has been awarded a $300,000 CDBG Critical Infrastructure Grant. Last year, they received that funding to be used for new water meters in homes and businesses in the Southview neighborhood.
Funds to fix flooding issues in Shawnee area
By Sam Wildow [email protected]
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336
Reach Sam Wildow at (937) 451-3336 | http://dailycall.com/news/14874/city-of-piqua-awarded-300000-cdbg-infrastructure-grant | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/d9c2bb1be297eb95f8bfbc1df3b2352cb8b7dc1548be8a767ddbfaa9b5a84c3f.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T16:46:47" | null | "2016-08-28T12:07:07" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fopinion%2Fcolumns%2F14873%2Fwhere-has-the-money-for-schools-gone.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_OTHER-WORDS-Klinger-Scott.jpg | en | null | Where has the money for schools gone? | null | null | dailycall.com | As fall approaches, millions of moms and dads are scrambling to prepare for the first day of school, excited to support their children’s success.
But are schools ready to receive our kids and foster that success? Increasingly, the answer is no.
In at least 18 states, local government funding levels are declining, according to an analysis by the Center for Budget and Policy Priorities. And as a result, many schools will open with fewer teachers than last year, among other detrimental losses.
As lawmakers throw up their hands and say, “sorry, there’s just not enough money,” we must ask: Where has all the money gone?
State and local governments give away at least $70 billion a year to business subsidies, most of it in foregone tax revenue. Local property taxes are the most significant tax most corporations pay. In most communities, they’re also the backbone of local school finance.
So when subsidies slash corporate property taxes, our schools often get hurt the most.
In Chicago, for example, we already have a glimpse into the unsavory relationship between tax subsidies and school finance. Last year, one subsidy program alone cost public services $461 million. Meanwhile, the city’s schools are facing a budget that is $140 million less than they had last year.
When cities line the pockets of powerful interests with subsidies while short-changing children, they harm everyone — including businesses that depend on a well-educated work force.
Unlike Chicago, in most cities it’s difficult to calculate exactly how much state and local tax subsidies drain from a given school district. But that’s about to change.
Starting next year, the Governmental Accounting Standards Board will require more than 50,000 government bodies to report how much tax revenue they’ve lost to economic development tax breaks given to developers and corporations.
Though school districts, library districts, and other special purpose districts seldom have a role in awarding these subsidies, they too will be required to report how much revenue they’ve lost lost—even as a result of tax breaks handed out by other governmental bodies.
This new data will also shine a light on inequities in education, allowing new critical examination of whether tax breaks that fill corporate coffers come disproportionately at the expense of the most disadvantaged school districts.
This way, we can say no to deals that pad the profits of the already wealthy at the cost of denying opportunity to those looking to get a foot on the first rung of the economic ladder.
Some states are already following the logic of this new common sense standard. In a 2011 budget deal, California decided to phase out an expensive subsidy granted by redevelopment agencies, and as a result, paved the way for local property tax revenues to rise by 10-15 percent in coming years. These added revenues will allow cities and towns throughout California to increase funding for local priorities—including schools.
Soon, we’ll all have a much better idea about where the funding for schools throughout the nation has gone. Parents and teachers clamoring for smaller class sizes and more support services will have the data to back their demands.
And taxpayers will be able to debate whether costly, long-term tax breaks that often go to the most prosperous businesses in town have been worth the cost of struggling schools.
As we look ahead to the new school year, it’s time to hold our governments and schools accountable to meet student needs. The data is coming soon that will help us get there.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_OTHER-WORDS-Klinger-Scott.jpg
Scott Klinger Contributing columnist
Scott Klinger is the GASB 77 Activation Coordinator at Good Jobs First. To learn more about the GASB 77 disclosures coming next year, visit www.goodjobsfirst.org/gasb. Distributed by OtherWords.
Scott Klinger is the GASB 77 Activation Coordinator at Good Jobs First. To learn more about the GASB 77 disclosures coming next year, visit www.goodjobsfirst.org/gasb. Distributed by OtherWords. | http://dailycall.com/opinion/columns/14873/where-has-the-money-for-schools-gone | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/f78ff6f92e3459db50920676b09946a9832de6c593fd694df80a10d32cbf622a.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T02:46:25" | null | "2016-08-27T21:20:14" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fsports%2F14859%2Fturning-point.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_win_Troy.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | By Josh Brown
[email protected]
TROY — After falling in a back-and-forth opening set, the Troy volleyball team had a golden opportunity to shift momentum their way in the middle of the second set.
But like those other chances in the first set, the Trojans couldn’t make it happen — and Miami East took advantage.
The Vikings (2-2) made plays late and took advantage of six Troy service errors to win the first set 30-28, but Troy appeared to tie the score at 16-16 in the second when a net call awarded the point to the Vikings instead. Miami East went on to win that set 25-20, then Kyndall Hellyer served the Vikings out to a 13-0 lead in the third as East closed out the sweep with a 25-13 win Saturday at the Trojan Activities Center.
And in a quality matchup between last year’s Division I district runner-up in Troy and a returning D-III state semifinalist in Miami East, one play truly could make the difference.
East had built a 16-11 lead in the second when the Trojans (2-1) came storming back, and a big block by Miranda Silcott on a shot by Jonni Parker — who led the Vikings with 22 kills on the day — cut the lead to one at 16-15 and forced a Miami East timeout. After play resumed, Troy’s Katie DeMeo seemed to tie the set with a big kill, but she was ruled in the net and the point was awarded to the Vikings. From there, East built a 19-15 lead and finished the set — and the rest of the match — strong.
“That call seemed to take all the wind out of their sails, because they were pushing, pushing, pushing,” Miami East coach Dan Peterson said. “Up one, we called that timeout for a purpose. We called that to let them know we were still ahead and that’s why we build leads, for stuff like this. We called that timeout, had a call go our way, and we finished it like we need to. It was a good response from us.”
“We had really chipped away at their lead, and they called Katie in the net on that play,” Troy coach Michelle Owen said. “They said she caught it on her finger. Obviously, that would have been a momentum change. That was tough, that was a tough call — but tough calls happen, and we just didn’t rebound well from that situation. We didn’t get ourselves back in system enough to get back in control. Other than that run, we never got that second run put together and ended up losing that set by five.”
The tough play carried over from the first set, where neither team led by more than five. The Vikings built a 7-3 lead on a series of kills and blocks by Parker, but Troy later responded with a 5-0 run served up by Kearston Riley, with one ace by her and a pair of kills by Gabbi Johnson, to put Troy up 12-9. The lead grew as big as 15-10 before the Vikings fought back, and a run of four straight aces by Parker gave East a 21-19 lead.
The Vikings led 25-24 after a kill by Parker, but a Payton Riley kill kept Troy alive. East got the advantage four times in a row after that, but each time the Trojans would tie the score until back-to-back kills by Hellyer and Parker finally finished it at 30-28 — with three of the Vikings’ final six points coming on Troy service errors.
“That was three very poorly timed missed serves,” Owen said. Troy had six service errors in the first set. “If you miss long, you at least make them think about it. You’ve got to try to make them earn it. All three of those serves went into the net. When you miss a serve, you don’t even give your system a chance to even work. You’re just giving them a free point.”
“We talked all summer about needing to finish games and finish strong,” Peterson said. “Today was a good indicator of where we are mentally. That first one was a tone-setter for us.”
And after the Vikings took a 2-0 lead, Hellyer served the first 13 points of the third — five of them aces — to stake East out to a 13-0 lead. The Trojans were able to battle back-and-forth the rest of the way, but the lead was simply too big and Parker put the match away with one final kill to complete the sweep.
“We had to burn both of our timeouts. We just couldn’t find a way to put the ball in play,” Owen said of Hellyer’s run to open the third. “It was very frustrating. When you get down 13 to a great team like that … I was happy to get into double digits by the end of the set.”
DeMeo led Troy with nine kills and two blocks, Moeller had seven kills, 13 digs and an ace and Silcott had six kills, two aces, seven digs and a block. Katie Jackson had 26 assists, two digs, a block and an ace, Johnson added four kills and two blocks, Payton Riley had a kill, two digs and a block, Victoria Holland had 10 digs, Alexa Holland had eight digs and an ace, Kearston Riley had an ace and two digs and Caroline Pratt had an ace.
Parker had four aces, 11 assist, nine digs and two blocks to go with her match-high 22 kills, and Hellyer added 12 kills, 15 assists, five aces and seven digs. Reagan Morrett had a kill, three assists and a dig, Jillian Wesco had a kill and two digs, Lydia Conley had a kill, a block and a dig, Taylor McCuistion had three digs, Sophie Jacomet had two assists and six digs and Kailtyn Mack and Gabrielle Hawkins each had a dig.
“I was watching the Troy match from last year with a few of the girls this week, and we just looked slow and unsure of ourselves,” Peterson said. “I think you saw today, especially in Sets 2 and 3, that we’re very confident in what we do. We have a sense of purpose to every movement, and I think it showed today.”
Miami East hosts Ansonia Tuesday to open Cross County Conference play, while Troy returns to Greater Western Ohio Conference American North Division play Tuesday with a home match against Butler.
Contact Josh Brown at (937) 552-2132, or follow @TroyDailySports on Twitter.
Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Miami East’s Jillian Wesco (6) passes the ball as teammate Sophie Jacomet looks on Saturday at Troy. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_6_20_Troy.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Miami East’s Jillian Wesco (6) passes the ball as teammate Sophie Jacomet looks on Saturday at Troy. Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Miami East’s Jonni Parker sets the ball during a match at Troy Saturday. Parker had 22 kills in the Vikings’ 3-0 win. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_9_Troy.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Miami East’s Jonni Parker sets the ball during a match at Troy Saturday. Parker had 22 kills in the Vikings’ 3-0 win. Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News The Troy volleyball team celebrates after winning a point Saturday afternoon against Miami East at the Trojan Activities Center. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_Troy8_2_16_15.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News The Troy volleyball team celebrates after winning a point Saturday afternoon against Miami East at the Trojan Activities Center. Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Troy’s Camryn Moeller (1) passes the ball as teammate Miranda Silcott (14) looks on Saturday against Miami East. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_Troy_1_14.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Troy’s Camryn Moeller (1) passes the ball as teammate Miranda Silcott (14) looks on Saturday against Miami East. Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Troy’s Katie Jackson sets the ball Saturday against Miami East. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_Troy_2.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News Troy’s Katie Jackson sets the ball Saturday against Miami East. Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News The Miami East volleyball team celebrates after winning a point Saturday at Troy. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_160827aw_ME_win_Troy.jpg Anthony Weber | Troy Daily News The Miami East volleyball team celebrates after winning a point Saturday at Troy. | http://dailycall.com/sports/14859/turning-point | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/e51a23dbbbf0f0cff7d855fb6a41132ad100b32ba77101461e7a1045a74b1623.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T02:46:23" | null | "2016-08-27T22:35:23" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fphoto-gallery%2F14863%2F14863.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_082716mju_sob_phs_3_11.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | By Rob Kiser
[email protected]
It wasn’t that the Piqua boys soccer team lost to Graham 2-1 Saturday evening on the pitch at Wertz Stadium.
It was the way the Indians lost to the Falcons to drop to 2-1-0, while Graham improved to 1-2-0 that upset Piqua coach Flo Loisy.
“We reverted back to the things we had been doing before,” Loisy said. “We hadn’t been doing those things in the first two games. We definitely took a step backwards tonight. That is what bothers me.”
The game was tied 1-1 when Graham’s Hunter Kauffman sent the ball to Brady Odor off a free kick with 17:10.6 remaining and Odor finished for what proved to be the winning goal.
“That was one of those things where we were standing around talking to the ref — trying to fogure out what the call was,” Loisy said. “They put the ball in play quickly. Things like that can’t happen.”
As they had throughout the game, Piqua had a number of good opportunities.
With 10 minutes to go, Kaden Jones chipped it over the goalie, but it was just wide.
“You look at it, we had 15 shots and they had 14,” Loisy said. “They finished one more time than we did. But, we had three or four 1v1 opportunities. To me, those are some of the easy shots in soccer and we weren’t able to finish. I don’t know what to do — just keep working on it in practice.”
Piqua had scored the first goal of the game, when Cade Lyman crossed to Jones, who drilled it in the back of the net with 26:31.7 to go in the first half.
“The thing is, that was there all night,” Loisy said. “We just were never able to finish after that.”
Graham was able to get the equalizer later in the first half when Kauffman was fouled in the box.
“We knew he (Hunter Kauffman) was a shifty guy,” Loisy said. “He got behind us and basically, we did what he had to do in that situation (to try and prevent a goal). Those things are going to happen.”
The score remained that way until the second half goal by Graham that decided it.
“To me, this was a big step backwards and we have to change that right away,” Loisy said. “I thought we had moved forward in our first two games.”
And the Indians will get a chance to do that again Tuesday when West Carrollton visits.
Rob Kiser is Sports Editor for the Daily Call. He can be reached at (937) 451-3334. | http://dailycall.com/news/photo-gallery/14863/14863 | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/f946bfba2d084c174e6cd237adcffafed4d6d5dcd582e4d8ddd06abbc5a6d2af.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T20:47:45" | null | "2016-08-30T15:17:30" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14939%2Fdavidson-breaks-down-personal-pick-for-president.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Davidson-1.jpg | en | null | Davidson breaks down personal pick for president | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — With only 12 weeks of service under his belt, U.S. Representative Warren Davidson addressed the Miami County Chambers of Commerce about his plans for the next congressional session at its annual legislative luncheon at the Crystal Room in Troy on Tuesday.
Davidson broke down his pick for president when one audience member asked, “Hillary (Clinton) or (Donald) Trump?” during the question-and-answer session following his 20-minute talk.
“That’s not a hard choice. I spent a whole year saying anybody but Clinton,” Davidson shared. “You know for the vast majority of people I know that have served in the military, it’s just hard to imagine someone who said of Benghazi, ‘At this point, what difference does it make?’ Who lied to families about a YouTube video to cover political tracks and policies — to have that person to serve as our commander in chief is just really hard to imagine.”
Davidson enlisted in the Army and earned an appointment to the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. He served as an Army officer. He served in The Old Guard, 75th Ranger Regiment and the 101st Airborne Division.
Davidson said Clinton’s handling of the Benghazi attacks disqualified her as his pick for presidential candidate.
“If she wins, I hope she has the dignity to appoint someone else as Commander in Chief,” he said. Davidson also attacked Clinton’s economic policy and her support of more government control in business.
Davidson said he met with Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, Donald Trump’s vice presidential candidate, at a rally in Dayton. Davidson said many of his congressional cohorts had many good things to say about Pence and his political background.
Davidson also stressed the importance of the presidential influence on the U.S. Supreme Court.
“There’s a lot at stake in this election including the 9th justice — should we keep nine, I’m OK if we have two (Clarence) Thomas and (Samuel) Alito — and rebuild from there,” Davidson said.
Davidson also spoke of his support for Speaker Paul Ryan’s “A Better Way” plan which he called the Republican’s “offensive playbook” to address changes in six areas: poverty, national security, economy, Constitution, health care and tax reform. For more information, visit www.better.gop.
Davidson spoke about one piece of legislation called the V.A. Accountability Bill which would give Congress the same health benefits as veterans.
“That’s not to punish Congress with bad health care, it is meant to lead by example,” Davidson said. “We are going to be covered with the same things our vets are covered with. Everywhere in the country we have vets, everywhere in our country we have representation. We need to lead by example and get this fixed.”
Davidson hopes this bill, along with other bills currently held up in the Senate, can move forward in the next Congressional session which begins next month.
U.S. Rep. Warren Davidson was sworn in as a member of the United States House of Representatives by House Speaker Paul Ryan on June 9, 2016.
Davidson was elected to serve as a representative of Ohio’s 8th Congressional District to fulfill the remainder of former Speaker of the House John Boehner’s term. Davidson will be on the ballot again in November against Democratic candidate Steven Fought. Fought will appear on the Democratic special election primary ballot on Sept. 13.
For more information about Rep. Warren Davidson, visit https://davidson.house.gov. Davidson has a district office in Troy at 12 S. Plum St. The Troy office phone number is (937) 339-1524. His D.C. office address is: 1011 Longworth HOB, Washington, D.C. 20515 and phone number is (202) 225-6205,
Davidson http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Davidson-1.jpg Davidson
By Melanie Yingst [email protected]
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her @Troydailynews
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her @Troydailynews | http://dailycall.com/news/14939/davidson-breaks-down-personal-pick-for-president | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/22cb961fc1b4e5bba4be00c0be9410e1424fb6a7cc12d4d01a9e36774872f948.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-27T16:46:11" | null | "2016-08-27T11:14:07" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Ffood%2F14828%2Fpizza-pockets-from-a-new-dad-2.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_amish-cook-logofz-4.jpg | en | null | Pizza pockets from a new dad | null | null | dailycall.com | By Kevin Williams
Amish Cook Editor
Editor’s Note: Gloria’s column will return in its regular format next week.
Last week I was able to spend a day with Gloria and Daniel in Flat Rock, Illi. Summer in southern Illinois can be brutally hot and humid. I cringe at how old I feel when I say stuff like this, but I can’t help but marvel at what a grounded young couple the Yoders are. There’s genuine affection and since direction in their marriage and flowering adult lives. Daniel and Gloria will finish each other’s sentences and there’s a newlywed’s affection – hand-holding and romantic buggy rides together — even after five years of marriage. Daniel’s got a firm foundation for the future while Gloria keeps the homefires burning. If I could channel my 25-year-old self, I could have learned a lot from them.
The Yoders live a life of bountiful gardens, full supper tables, deep faith and wonderful family ties. A small Amish school serves as an “anchor” in the community and Gloria’s uncle’s bulk food store supplies sundries and staples to the settlement. Gloria continues her “open door” policy of welcoming readers who may want to stop by Flat Rock to say “hello.”
On another note, five years ago I decided to try my hand writing Amish fiction which, at the time, was all the rage. I wrote a 100,000 word Amish-themed novel (which translates into more than 400 pages) and then promptly put it on a shelf, hoping to “get to it later.” Well, later never came. Life brought changes, like becoming a Dad for the first time three years ago. And the book just sat. And sat. And, finally,this year I decided that the book isn’t doing anything for me just sitting there. So I took it off the shelf, dusted it off and released it. The book is called Abraham’s Redemption and I don’t think anything that happens in the book is a terrible stretch. The Amish have generated a lot of headlines the past five years for stranger-than-fiction tales that a novelist would be hard-pressed to make up: the Barbara Weaver murder in Ohio, the beard-cutting posse of Bergholz, Ohio; the “Amish Bernie Madoff” that scammed thousands in Holmes County, the pigeon pyramid scheme and on and on … so, really, there isn’t much in my book that couldn’t have conceivably occurred. Really.
The book, which is set in the Berne, Ind., Amish community. is told through the lens of two protagonists: Abraham Schwartz and non-Amish young attorney, Paige Roberts.
Abraham is basically a good guy who makes some bad decisions and then tries to rectify them and, in the end, find redemption. Does he? You have to read to find out.
I think, in the end, most people are like Abraham. They try. Life can be messy but, I think, in the end everything eventually evens out.m
As a fundraiser for the column, you can order your collector’s copy of Abraham’s Redemption for $25 (that includes shipping) or two books for $40. To order, send to Oasis Newsfeatures, P.O. Box 157, Middletown, OH 45042. Prices include shipping.
Lastly, by the time you read this (although it depends, babies arrive on their own schedule) I will probably be a new dad. So welcome diapers, sleepless nights, and onesies again. An update soon.
Here is a recipe from Gloria that many people have requested over the years since it first ran.
HOMEMADE PIZZA POCKETS
Pockets:
2 tablespoons yeast
1 /2 cup warm water
3 /4 cup warm evaporated milk
1 /4 cup oil
1 egg
1 /4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
3 to 4 cups flour
Filling:
1 pound sausage
1 cup pizza sauce
Pepperoni
Shredded cheese
Onions
Peppers
Mushrooms
Pocket: Dissolve yeast in water. Add the rest of ingredients adding flour last and let rise once, till double. Then roll dough thin. Let rise again about 10 minutes.
Filling: Fry sausage and add pizza sauce. Layer ingredients as you like on dough circles.. Fold in half and press shut. Bake at 350 until golden brown.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_amish-cook-logofz-4.jpg
Readers with culinary or culture questions or stories to share may write Gloria Yoder, 10568 E. 350th Ave., Flat Rock, IL 62427.
Readers with culinary or culture questions or stories to share may write Gloria Yoder, 10568 E. 350th Ave., Flat Rock, IL 62427. | http://dailycall.com/features/food/14828/pizza-pockets-from-a-new-dad-2 | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/d022e74aac63184eec12e97171d72a17118ce436c78dae2eae150d5521cad132.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:49:52" | null | "2016-08-25T20:42:51" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fphoto-gallery%2F14795%2Fpiqua-spikers-lose-to-tippecanoe.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_MJU_8662.jpg | en | null | Piqua spikers lose to Tippecanoe | null | null | dailycall.com | By Rob Kiser
[email protected]
The Piqua volleyball team’s schedule caught up with them.
And Lady Indians coach Liana Michael could see that from the start.
Playing for the fourth time is six days, the Lady Indians lost a battle of GWOC American North unbeatens to Tippecanoe Thursday at Garbry Gymnasium 25-16, 25-20, 25-17.
“You could see it looking at the girls,” Michael said. “This was our fourth match since Saturday and they were in school all day today. They just looked exhausted.”
At the same time, Tipp came out firing on all cylinders in every set.
Tipp had a nine-point run in the first set to lead 10-2 and increased it to 18-6.
In the second set, Tipp had an eight-point run to go up 11-3 and had a 7-2 run to make it 20-11.
In the final set, Tipp jumped out to leads of 12-4 and 18-8.
“I thought we battled back,” Michael said. “But, we just had ourselves in too big of a hole to comeback.”
In the early going, Piqua struggled with Tipp’s size advantage — both blocking and hitting into blocks.
But as the match went on, Piqua adjusted.
After trailing 22-9 in the opening set, Piqua had a 6-1 run.
While Tipp had some unforced errors in the run, Lauren Williams served an ace and Ashley Ho had a kill.
In the second set, Mikayla Schaffner had an early kill and Haley Michael had a kill and a block — to go with a Tylah Yeomans ace as Piqua cut an 11-4 deficit to 13-9.
But, Tipp was able to take control and two aces by Ashley Brading late and an ace by Williams were not enough to turn the tables.
In the third set, Schaffner had an early kill.
Yeomans stopped a five=point run with a kill and Michael stopped a four-point run with a kill.
Savannah Hulme had three kills late and Yeomans added two, but it was not enough.
“I thought we did adjust after the start,” Michael said. “But, it was just not enough. You have to be able to learn from your losses. So, we will get to work in practice and fix what needs fixed.”
Yeomans led the hitters with seven kills, while Ho and Michael both had two blocks. Williams dished out nine assists, while Macie Schaffner added six.
Kelsey Magoteaux led the defense with 18 digs.
Piqua, 3-1 overall and 1-1 in the American North, is off until Sidney visits Tuesday.
In the double round-robin format, Piqua will play at Tipp later this season.
“We will look to come back and get two league wins next week,” Michael said. “Hopefully, we can show Tipp something when we play them in their gym.”
And come back with renewed energy after a break in the schedule.
Rob Kiser is Sports Editor for the Daily Call. He can be reached at (937) 451-3334. | http://dailycall.com/news/photo-gallery/14795/piqua-spikers-lose-to-tippecanoe | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/bf04511b039f4612271cecdc41b9503d4a3c4e25c281c2325723e38fd0d26c5e.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:54:30" | null | "2016-08-25T08:34:14" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Fentertainment%2F14766%2F14766.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_DigitalLife.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | Last year’s Madden 16 was the first new game in the franchise in years, as well as the first iteration of the game on the current generation of consoles, that was actually worth picking up. Because let’s face it, when you put out a new $60 game every year that’s basically the exact same thing as the previous year’s, with only one or two notable new features, there’s just no point.
Franchise fatigue is a real thing.
But Madden 16 was a quantum leap forward for the longest running — and, since 2004, only — officially NFL-licensed video game franchise. With the game’s most robust franchise mode yet, as well as an all-new “Draft Champions” mode — a fun and, more importantly, free alternative to the popular but expensive “Madden Ultimate Team” mode — as well as its traditionally-solid on-the-field gameplay, it was the best edition yet in its almost-30-year history.
So where does that leave the newly-released Madden 17?
Not necessarily in a bad place.
With a revamped running game, smarter and more realistic AI on defense and added special moves to help on special teams, as well some work streamlining and expanding the already-awesome franchise mode, Madden 17 now plays smoother and better than ever before.
I’ll start with the real reason people play video games — the actual gameplay.
The Madden games have always been a decent football simulator, and with the additional processing power of the current gen consoles, the XBox One and Playstation 4, the game has taken some big steps forward on the field. In the past few years, the game has added gang tackling and revamped the passing game and calling plays at the line of scrimmage.
This year, the rushing game was the focus — and it shows. The ballcarrier’s momentum is a key, and their real-world ratings decide how fast they can cut, turn and accelerate. There is also a big focus on special moves this year — sure, spins, stiff-arms, jukes and hurdles have been in previous games, but now they’re also tied to the real world. A speedy agile running back isn’t going to truck over defenders as effectively, and a bruiser won’t be faking anyone out with his jukes.
Add all that to the improved offensive line AI from a year or two ago, and that makes grinding games out on the ground — my personal favorite way to play — more fun than ever.
But that’s not saying it’s easier. The defense is now more realistically intelligent, and players will cover gap assignments thanks to the run fit systems. Pass coverages are more intelligent, too — if you’re busy rushing the passer, you can actually trust your computer-controlled teammates to make plays behind you.
One so-so addition was on special teams. The game has new mechanics on field goals and punts to make blocking kicks easier, and the tutorial introducing those mechanics make you think no one will ever get a kick off against you again. But they still seem as rare as ever before — in the 30 or so games I’ve played during the EA Access pre-release trial, I’ve seen two field goals blocked, one by me and one by the computer against me. So again, it’s still realistic. It just shouldn’t have been featured so prominently in the new additions if it didn’t actually make a difference.
How about the modes? Draft Champions returns from last year, exactly like it was before. You’re given a random base team and then go through 15 rounds where you choose one out of three players to improve. Draft the kind of team you want, then play against the computer or play ranked or unranked matches against human players online. It’s like the Madden Ultimate Team — or MUT — mode, only without wasting real money and gambling. But more on that in the negatives.
Franchise mode has some great additions this year. Last year added player- and coach-specific goals not only for the entire season, but for every game. Everyone gains experience with everything they do, but this year’s version makes spending that experience much easier and more seamless. Weekly pregame preparation, new last year, has also been greatly expanded — now, you can run specific drills tailored to combat your opponent’s real tendencies, and if you perform well, you gain in-game bonuses when running those plays. A new ticker running at the bottom of the screen with scores from that week’s other games adds to the presentation.
What about the negatives? Madden 17 ditches play-by-play commentators Jim Nantz and Phil Simms — which, to be fair, hadn’t recorded any particularly new or fresh dialogue in a couple years — for two new guys, Brandon Gaudin and Charles Davis. It’s billed as being the “most conversational commentary in any sports game to date,” but a boring conversation is still boring, no matter how realistic it is. Evidently they’ll be recording new commentary throughout the year that will be added with patches — my XBox actually downloaded one of those updates the day after the EA Access trial went live, so the game wasn’t even going to be officially available for another four days — so that’s a neat addition. But I still miss Nantz and Simms.
I’m not just saying that because I’ve been a die-hard New York Giants fan since Super Bowl XXI, either.
And unfortunately, MUT is still a thing. You build a team from scratch by opening packs of digital cards, which can be earned by completing challenges or bought with in-game currency — which sounds neat in theory. But the game is stingy with that currency, leading you to buy packs of cards with real money on top of the $60 you already shelled out for the game.
Microtransactions are just a fact of life now, sure. But they’re better suited to free-to-play mobile phone games. One pack of cards costs roughly $1.50 but only guarantees you one “gold-rated” player or better, while $5 — slightly less than 10 percent of the game’s full price — guarantees you an elite-rated player. And you’ll end up needing to spend real money sooner or later, because your players’ contracts will run out if you play it a lot.
I’ve spent an incalculable amount of money on video games — thousands and thousands of dollars — over the course of my lifetime. But I’m sorry. A pack of non-existent cards that may or may not give you something useful in a recreational game? Will never be as valuable as a combo meal from Taco Bell.
But is Madden 17 worth your money this year? It depends on what you want out of it. If you’ve held off on buying a new Madden game for a few years, this would be a great point to jump back in, as it’s the best version of the game on the newest consoles. If you have Madden 16 already? That’s tougher. It’s an upgrade, but arguably not a $60 one. If franchise mode is the reason you play Madden games, though, it might be worth it because this is the best version of that to date.
It is the best Madden game to date. Whether or not that’s enough to warrant buying yet another one? That’s up to each individual.
Photo Courtesy of EASports “Madden NFL 17” features players such as Dallas Cowboy rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_elliot.jpg Photo Courtesy of EASports “Madden NFL 17” features players such as Dallas Cowboy rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_DigitalLife.jpg
By Josh Brown [email protected]
Contact Josh Brown at (937) 552-2132, or follow @TroyDailySports on Twitter.
Contact Josh Brown at (937) 552-2132, or follow @TroyDailySports on Twitter. | http://dailycall.com/features/entertainment/14766/14766 | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/d5ed22f4bdeff6f88de5d15e8b4019a6eaf825a056a95cb0896f222d6a1d12bc.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T16:47:38" | null | "2016-08-30T11:44:09" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14922%2Fscleroderma-walk-set-for-sept-10.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14922/scleroderma-walk-set-for-sept-10 | en | null | Scleroderma walk set for Sept. 10 | null | null | dailycall.com | Staff Reports
TROY — The Moving Forward for a Cure: Miami County’s Fourth annual Scleroderma Walk will begin with registration at 9 a.m. Sept. 10. The walk begins at 10 a.m. at the American Honda walking path across from First Title.
Scleroderma, or systemic sclerosis, is a chronic, often progressive autoimmune disease. Scleroderma literally means “hard skin,” which causes a thickening, or tightening of the skin. Often, it can cause severe damage to one’s internal organs, including the heart, lungs, kidneys, esophagus and gastrointestinal tract. Medications and treatments can help to address and manage the symptoms, but there is currently no cure. Reports have indicated that three-to-four times more women are affected than men.
“Our family became aware of this disease in 2003 when my sister, Becky Denlinger, was diagnosed. The goal of my family, along with the Scleroderma Research Foundation, is to bring awareness to this disease and to provide support to those afflicted,” said Jodi McIver, organizer. “We want to help find a cure for Becky and others fighting this terrible disease.”
The money raised from this event supports the Scleroderma Research Foundation in their effort to find the cause and cure of scleroderma.
Registration is $25 per person and includes a commemorative long sleeve shirt. Registration, auctions, food and events will be at First Title Agency, 1900 W. Stanfield Road, Troy.
Corporate and individual sponsorship opportunities are still available. Those interested in walking for this cause can register and/or raise money online by visiting www.movingforwardforacure.com, or calling Jodi McIver at (937) 313-5065. Those who cannot attend also can register as a virtual walker.
“Our event is fun for the entire family; we have children’s activities, silent and live auction, medical screenings, retail booths, lunch, music, cotton candy, funnel cakes and raffles,” said McIver, who said auction items are still being accepted.
Like the walk on Facebook at Moving Forward For A Cure.
For additional scleroderma information go to Scleroderma Research Foundation online. | http://dailycall.com/news/14922/scleroderma-walk-set-for-sept-10 | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/31a885bad32d3037d60d2e2c8f01707b660432f52ce46b0d1a9cd4783f5164c9.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:54:00" | null | "2016-08-25T14:38:35" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14773%2Flibrary-to-begin-construction-projects.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14773/library-to-begin-construction-projects | en | null | Library to begin construction projects | null | null | dailycall.com | Staff Reports
TROY — The Board of Trustees of Troy-Miami County Public Library accepted a bid from C&N Contractors of Springfield to re-construct both library entrances, install a handicapped accessible restroom, and upgrade outdoor lighting.
The bid was the lowest responsible bid at $124,000 for the south entrance; $20,682 for the north entrance; and $21,225 for the lighting upgrade.
Candace Goodall of Troy is serving as the architect and will oversee the project.
C&N Contractors will remove and rebuild the existing south entrance to West Main Street, including the existing glass structure which has outlived its life expectancy. It will be replaced with a metal roof. A handicapped accessible restroom will also be constructed in a portion of the area currently serving as a vestibule.
The north entrance will also include removal of the glass structure and replacement with a metal roof.
“Globe” lights around the building will be replaced with more energy efficient LED fixtures.
These exterior modifications were approved by the city’s planning commission July 27.
Tentative construction dates are Sept. 7-Dec. 2. Information about the closing of the entrances will be posted on the library’s website as it becomes available. | http://dailycall.com/news/14773/library-to-begin-construction-projects | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/fb37dea50ee202dbcd91cc843717351e80f732909a50e964ddebaba15dc5d7e0.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T18:47:39" | null | "2016-08-30T13:39:25" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14931%2Fhobart-equipment-plant-to-relocate-2.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14931/hobart-equipment-plant-to-relocate-2 | en | null | Hobart Equipment Plant to relocate | null | null | dailycall.com | By Melody Vallieu
[email protected]
TROY — The Hobart Welding Products equipment plant in Troy will be relocating manufacturing and warehouse operations to Appleton, Wisc., over the next several months.
The move is being made in order to align all machine assembly, warehousing and customer service within existing operations at its sister company, Miller Electric, which already produces a number of Hobart equipment products.
Becky Tuchscherer, group president, said 54 employees in total will be affected.
Affected employees in the Troy workforce will be offered opportunities in similar roles at the facilities in Appleton or are eligible to apply for open positions in any of the local business units within ITW, Tuchscherer said. Any remaining displaced employees will be offered separation packages and other assistance services, she said.
Tuchscherer said this is the only moved being planned from Hobart operations located in Troy.
“This move is being made to fully leverage the assets we have across the welding enterprise,” Tuchscherer said in a press release released Tuesday morning. “This decision to move in no way reflects the level of skill and dedication of our workforce here. We appreciate the long standing support of the Troy community. Our commitment to the community remains strong, as the Hobart Brothers Company Filler Metal businesses will continue to operate in all existing facilities, with headquarters in Troy.”
The business is currently located at 2200 Corporate Drive, Troy. Tuchscherer said the facility is owned by Miller-Valentine and the building is leased, so it will revert back to them to pursue new opportunities for the building.
Creates further alignment of equipment production in Wisconsin
Reach Melody Vallieu at [email protected] or call (937) 552-2131
Reach Melody Vallieu at [email protected] or call (937) 552-2131 | http://dailycall.com/news/14931/hobart-equipment-plant-to-relocate-2 | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/32cbb0f64edb3ee8a14f2e8072d8bf232527fb988260a3085652d102c341828c.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-31T02:47:45" | null | "2016-08-30T21:06:12" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14943%2Ftipp-man-gets-prison-for-assaulting-officer-2.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Shaffner-1.jpg | en | null | Tipp man gets prison for assaulting officer | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — A Tipp City man who assaulted a police officer was sentenced to serve 15 months in prison on Monday.
Miami County Common Pleas Court Judge Jeannine Pratt sentenced Christopher Shaffner, 29, of Tipp City, for fourth degree assault. Judge Pratt also sentenced Shaffner to serve 10 months for a community control violation, which will be served concurrently with the assault charge.
On June 25, Shaffner was intoxicated and knocking on the back door of a residence on West Main Street in Tipp City. One of the occupants had a restraining order against Shaffner at the time of the incident.
As Shaffner was being detained, he refused to allow officers to shut the cruiser doors. Shaffner kicked an officer several times, resisting the officer’s orders. Shaffner had a black eye prior to being arrested, but attempted to blame the police officer for the injury while being treated at the hospital.
Shaffner blamed his abuse of alcohol for his actions and asked for leniency. Judge Pratt noted Shaffner had already been placed on five years of community control just a few months earlier involving the same subject whom he followed home from a Tipp City bar.
“You are the one who put yourself in this situation,” Pratt told Shaffner. “You being drunk doesn’t excuse your conduct.”
Shaffner was given 121 days of jail time credit.
Shaffner http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Shaffner-1.jpg Shaffner
By Melanie Yingst [email protected]
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @Troydailynews
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @Troydailynews | http://dailycall.com/news/14943/tipp-man-gets-prison-for-assaulting-officer-2 | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/8b485aacee9686f730112b47feccc4454df125f81f61f5d7b4edfbe887331244.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T18:45:49" | null | "2016-08-26T13:46:04" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14807%2Fwomen-tell-stories-through-the-arts.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Morand_Tweed.jpg | en | null | Women tell stories through the arts | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA — Because minority faces are few in the three-county area served by Edison State Community College, the school’s Diversity Committee is committed to showing people worlds that exist outside their own.
“The tendency is to believe that what we don’t see doesn’t exist,” said Dr. Vivian Blevins, who teaches communications, ethics, humanities and literature at Edison, and is an outspoken advocate for diversity and racial equality.
“Our world has changed dramatically and is no longer insular. We, therefore, have an obligation to our students and our communities to introduce them to a world that is often beyond their experience.”
To that end, the Diversity Committee will present a program Blevins calls her “baby” that serves a twofold purpose: paying tribute to girls and women, as well as showcasing performers of various races and ethnicities.
“Women’s Untold Stories: An Evening of Music, Dance and Theater” will take place at 7 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 22, in the Robinson Theater on Edison’s Piqua campus.
Blevins said that the program “features Anglo women, but at least half of the cast stars women of color: African-American, Puerto Rican, Filipino-American, Asian-American. Ages range from the teens to women in their 80s.”
Sponsored by the Diversity Committee as a benefit for the Edison Foundation’s General Scholarship Fund, the program will feature more than a dozen women from the college and the community displaying their talents. Admission is free, and those who would like to contribute to the scholarship fund are encouraged to do so.
Performances will include dancers from the Center Stage Academy in Troy, and the piano music of Brenda Cobbs-Allen.
The evening’s main event will spotlight area college students/employees, community leaders, and teens taking the stage and delivering monologues in answer to poet Muriel Rukeyser’s question, “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?”
“This series of original monologues gives voice to issues that women face such as body image, sex trafficking, violence, rape. Humorous monologues are also part of the program and explore topics such as hot flashes, mammograms and other topics that some consider not suitable for polite society,” Blevins said.
Edison’s Diversity Committee was started in 2012 by Sharon Brown, then vice president of the college, and included eight members.
“I was on that original committee, and in 2013, I was appointed chair of the committee,” said Marva Archibald, an assistant professor at Edison. “The committee now has 20 members and includes employees, students and committee members. Edison President Doreen Larson serves on the committee as a way of indicating her support for the initiatives.”
The committee, Archibald explained, is “all about making Edison a more inclusive environment as we raise awareness of multicultural issues.”
“Women’s Untold Stories” also is available for local churches, clubs and organizations, with a request that those groups make a donation to the scholarship fund. The program’s running time can be altered to suit the hosting group’s needs from 25 minutes to an hour.
In addition, Blevins is available to serve as a facilitator if a discussion following the performance is desired. For more information, contact Blevins at [email protected] or (937) 778-3815.
Provided photo Performers Brenda Morand, left, and Lottie Tweed, will be among more than a dozen women featured in “Women’s Untold Stories: An Evening of Music, Dance, and Theater” at 7 p.m. Sept. 22, in the Robinson Theater at Edison State Community College. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Morand_Tweed.jpg Provided photo Performers Brenda Morand, left, and Lottie Tweed, will be among more than a dozen women featured in “Women’s Untold Stories: An Evening of Music, Dance, and Theater” at 7 p.m. Sept. 22, in the Robinson Theater at Edison State Community College.
Edison program takes place Sept. 22
By Belinda M. Paschal [email protected]
Reach Belinda M. Paschal at (937) 451-3341.
Reach Belinda M. Paschal at (937) 451-3341. | http://dailycall.com/news/14807/women-tell-stories-through-the-arts | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/6f6c2840b2b237b9bc2c7f8b9c5ccf7dc00b5cfeb0691093f79d6a29a1f20e9e.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T20:45:56" | null | "2016-08-26T15:54:11" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14813%2Ffair-results-25.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_MU2_6030.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | Amanda Ullery | For the Daily Call
Bethany Weldy, 13, of Covington, from Ears to Tails 4-H Club won Intermediate Poultry Showmnship.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Abigail Kadel, of Casstown, Grand Champion Market Rabbit Pen of 3,was purchased for $900 by Miami Valley Feed and Grain, Baird Funeral Home, Excellence in Dentistry, and Hart’s Auto and Towing. Abigail is the daughter of Brian and Jennifer Kadel.
Amanda Ullery | For the Daily Call Bethany Weldy, 13, of Covington, from Ears to Tails 4-H Club won Intermediate Poultry Showmnship.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_AJU_5541-2.jpg Amanda Ullery | For the Daily Call Bethany Weldy, 13, of Covington, from Ears to Tails 4-H Club won Intermediate Poultry Showmnship.
Mike Ullery | Daily Call Abigail Kadel, of Casstown, Grand Champion Market Rabbit Pen of 3,was purchased for $900 by Miami Valley Feed and Grain, Baird Funeral Home, Excellence in Dentistry, and Hart’s Auto and Towing. Abigail is the daughter of Brian and Jennifer Kadel. | http://dailycall.com/news/14813/fair-results-25 | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/eda22502f2c575bdc8777486a8b1b6057b0164e74dc2a49f7c2e63d08da04c5a.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T00:46:22" | null | "2016-08-27T19:00:23" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fsports%2F14850%2Fbuccs-ride-roller-coaster-to-victory-in-opener.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_lance_miller-1.jpg | en | null | Buccs ride roller-coaster to victory in opener | null | null | dailycall.com | By Ben Robinson
GoBuccs.com
COVINGTON — In his first game as the new head football coach at Covington, Ty Cates and the Buccs went through so many ups and downs – leaving Cates emotionally drained after a trilling 27-13 win over St. Henry.
“It’s so hard to describe how I feel right now,” sighed Cates about an hour after the game. “I’m drained. You know, these kids overcame so much to get this win and it’s one of the biggest wins of my coaching career because of all of the circumstances and adversity we had to overcome.”
The deck seemed stacked against Covington considering it was the first game running an entirely new offense and defense under a completely different coaching staff from the highly successful Dave Miller Era.
“It’s a new staff, a new system against a team like that (St. Henry), that’s our kids getting thrown into the fire right away,” Cates said. “I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t concerned going in, but our kids are so darn mentally tough. Mental toughness won us this game.”
Covington had to use every ounce of mental toughness to overcome situations out of its control – first the game being called at halftime on Friday night and then the heat and humidity when the game resumed at 10am on Saturday morning.
Kids on both teams were throwing up on the field from the heat, but kept playing until the final whistle.
“The heat affected both teams,” explained Cates. “But I think our conditioning really started to show in the fourth quarter. I felt our kids had more left in the tank.”
The fourth quarter is when Covington took over the game. Up to that point it was a back-and-forth affair with several momentum shifts.
On Friday, Covington took the opening possession the length of the field for the first score of the game. Overcoming a penalty on the first snap, Covington converted a huge third-and-twelve with a pass from Nathan Blei to Tristin Sowers and then Blei capped the drive with a 24-yard touchdown run through the heart of the St. Henry defense.
Unfortunately for the Buccs, the kick for the extra point went wide right leaving the score at 6-0.
St. Henry responded with a time consuming drive of its own midway through the second quarter as Blake Hoying scooted his way in from 9 yards out to tie the score at 6-6 as the point-after attempt was blocked by Covington.
The score remained 6-6 into the half and the game was called due to lightening, forcing both teams to return to the field at 10am on Saturday.
“There were a lot of distractions we had to overcome,” Cates said. “With the Hall of Fame ceremony, we didn’t go through our normal pre-game and we were on the field for a long time before the game. Then, to have the game called and have to come back the next day, that’s tough. We felt we went into the half with some momentum.”
The momentum shifted dramatically to start the second half as St. Henry’s Jaren Fishbaugh broke loose on a 41-yard touchdown run on the opening possession.
But Covington took the moment right back on the ensuing possession as Nathan Blei once again converted a huge third down pass, this time to Zach Parrett. Lance Miller then did the rest by busting through the line of scrimmage and outrunning the St. Henry defense for a 40-yard touchdown run to tie the score at 13-13.
“That was a big response to their touchdown drive to start the second half,” Cates said.
Covington took over the game in the fourth quarter as Ethan Herron took the first play of the final frame 82 yards up the gut to push the Buccaneer lead to 20-13.
The Buccaneer defense then stepped up with a big play as Zane Barnes forced a fumble and Covington recovered near the Redskin 30.
A few plays later Herron turned the theft into points with a two-yard touchdown run to push the Covington lead to 27-13 with just under seven minutes left.
And it was the longest seven minutes of Cate’s coaching career.
“Man, that was the longest six or seven minutes of my life,” joked Cates. “I kept looking at the clock and it never seemed to run.”
That’s because St. Henry moved the ball methodically down the field and had the ball first-and-goal at the ten.
But junior defensive back Ty Freeman made a huge play by stepping in from of a St. Henry pass to record the interception with just under four minutes left.
“That was a huge play by Ty,” praised Cates. “We needed a stop there and he made a big play for us.”
The Covington defense would have to make more big plays as the Buccaneer offense turned the ball right back over to St. Henry via a fumble two plays later.
And the Buccaneers did just that by forcing four straight incomplete passes inside the red zone to preserve a hard-fought 27-13 win.
“I have to give our kids and our entire coaching staff credit for the win,” Cates said. “Our defense had its back against the wall twice in the fourth quarter and refused to lose. Our kids found a way.”
It was a big win for Covington and Cates felt his entire team had a hand in it.
“Football is the ultimate team sport and this was a complete team win,” he said. “Ty (Freeman), Deron (White), Zane (Barnes), Branden (Robinson), Nathan (Blei), Ethan (Herron), Adam (Lefeld) Tristin (Sowers), Zach (Parrett), Joey (Schmelzer), Lance (Miller), our O-Line, our D-Line, everyone made plays. You can go right down the line and name one kid after another who stepped up when we needed it.”
As big as the win is for the Buccaneers, Cates is fully aware that one win doesn’t make a season.
“But we have to remember, we’re still just 1-0,” he continued. “That’s a good football team from a good conference be were able to beat and we’ll enjoy this one today and some tomorrow. Then we’ll have to put it behind us and focus on the next one.”
Which is yet another home game as the Buccaneers host Arcanum next Friday. | http://dailycall.com/sports/14850/buccs-ride-roller-coaster-to-victory-in-opener | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/25358d1dc0113f9044b2f99d4acb0b1c6dc45e0e1e86ee967a28559846d62309.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T22:45:54" | null | "2016-08-26T16:55:14" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Ffeatures%2Flifestyle%2F14817%2Fdont-raise-the-red-flag.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_HENNE-KATHY-5.jpg | en | null | Don’t raise the red flag | null | null | dailycall.com | Have you ever chosen merchandise at a store, then put it back on the shelf when you discovered a flaw, or noticed that the box had already been opened, then resealed by the store? The slightest visible defect can raise a red flag, causing you to nix the purchase in favor of another item.
The same thing happens in real estate. Suppose you are considering a particular home that seems to offer everything you want. Upon close inspection, however, you notice a collection of drain cleaners, solvents, and clog removers under the kitchen sink.
What if the furnace pilot light is kept company by several dozen burnt stick matches? What if the air condition filter hasn’t been replaced in five seasons and looks the part? Would you suspect problems?
If there were a water spot on the ceiling of the downstairs bathroom would you buy the home without checking the floor of the upstairs bath just above it? In doubt about the structural integrity of the home, you would likely continue your search elsewhere.
Don’t take shortcuts when selling your home. Don’t try to gloss over minor defects, nor ignore major ones. Today’s home buyers are sophisticated, and quickly recognize poor quality. They also recognize pride of ownership, and will respond positively when they see it.
To achieve an early sale, ask your real estate representative to help identify needed improvements, and then make them before offering your home for sale. Offer your home in first class condition, and buyers will pay a fair price.
http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_HENNE-KATHY-5.jpg
By Kathy Henne
Contact the Kathy Henne Team RE/MAX FINEST by calling (937) 778-3961.
Contact the Kathy Henne Team RE/MAX FINEST by calling (937) 778-3961. | http://dailycall.com/features/lifestyle/14817/dont-raise-the-red-flag | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/619edbf671894b8a30eea685f710cb06475b6cd62453f18bc8db32753f469b76.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T18:47:42" | null | "2016-08-30T14:08:49" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fopinion%2Fcolumns%2F14933%2Fkorean-war-ended-or-did-it.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Blevins_Vivian_cmyk-2.jpg | en | null | Korean War ended … or did it? | null | null | dailycall.com | In 1953, when Roy Baker of Troy was an education major at Union College in Kentucky, he wasn’t as concerned about avoiding the draft as he might have been. His grades were six-tenths of 1 percent below the cutoff, so there was no student deferment for him.
His attitude, however, of being drafted as the Korean War was coming to a close caused no alarm: “I was ready to go, didn’t fuss with ‘em, packed my bags and took off to Fort Knox.”
His elementary school and high school years had been spent at the Oneida Baptist Institute , so during basic training Baker reports, “I heard words I’d never heard before – from the drill sergeant . He was demanding, goaded us, but it was worth it.
“I was smart enough not to volunteer to be a truck driver because they end up pushing a wheelbarrow, but I did volunteer for office work ‘cause I’d had typing in high school and college. I was a pretty good typist.”
After eight weeks at Fort Knox, Baker was shipped to Furth, Germany, as a member of Company K, 39th Infantry Regiment. Korea had signed the truce 30 days before he left for Germany. His unit, however, was on alert, standing ready to hold back the Russians if in their greed for more of Germany after World War II, they had their sights set on West Germany. In terms of the particulars of that possible conflict, Baker says, “It wasn’t into my thinking. That was above my pay grade. I just knew we had to hold the line. We went on maneuvers every day where we played like we were going to war- and we were ready to go if we were needed.”
Baker had never been to Western Europe before and with his conservative background, he was “shocked at seeing Black men with white German girls.” He loved the landscape, at least as much as he was able to see from the back of a tandem truck, but he used the extensive German rail system to travel to winter resort places when he was on leave. And he learned enough German to get by: to order food, to greet Germans, and to get to places he needed to get to.
A plus in his military service was a relationship with an avid tennis player, the manager of the NCO club at Furth, who watched him playing basketball on the company team and determined that he was a natural athlete. He felt Baker needed to add tennis to his array of athletic skills, so he took him to his home and , as Baker says, “treated me like his son.”
Of the Korean War, Baker says, “South Korea came back stronger than it was. I try not to think about North Korea. It’s a threat, ready to pop open. I can’t predict, but Kim Jong-Un presents tremendous danger. He’s going to let something off and start World War III. Russia and China are pulling the strings on North Korea, and I say let the two of them settle it. If we do get in a war, we ought not to do it piecemeal. We need to stay in until we get it finished.”
When Baker returned to Fort Knox after his deployment to Germany, his time was up in the regular Army and he served for six years in the Army Reserves. He headed off to Eastern Kentucky University to earn his undergraduate and graduate degrees. One year he lived in the same dorm at Eastern as did his father, Preston Baker, a teacher and principal in Clay County, Kentucky, for 50 years. Father and son graduated together in 1961: Preston with his B. S. and Don with his M.A.
Baker’s first teaching job was in Clay County, Ky., “up a holler at a two-room school called Bright Shade. I taught a total of 25 students in grades 5, 6, 7, and 8.” His pay for the year was $2,600, so when Tipp City School District was searching for teachers at EKU, Baker readily accepted the offer of $4,050.
Baker worked for 11 years in Tipp City as a teacher and principal, enjoying each of the 800 students and working well with the faculty. Until his last two years as principal when he had a secretary, he had no support staff in the school except students who would come in by the hour and help with some of the paperwork.
So he went into business for himself.
This is one more story about a period in American military history, the Korean War Era.
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Vivian Blevins Contributing Columnist
Vivian Blevins is a consultant for the Training Solutions Group Inc. who teaches courses in writing and literature for major telecom company employees. Reach her at (937) 778-3815 or [email protected]
Vivian Blevins is a consultant for the Training Solutions Group Inc. who teaches courses in writing and literature for major telecom company employees. Reach her at (937) 778-3815 or [email protected] | http://dailycall.com/opinion/columns/14933/korean-war-ended-or-did-it | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/3ce3849880fabea26a9ff9012bf1e7e44e07102090e4cce56ecfe3175df99523.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T18:45:51" | null | "2016-08-26T13:32:09" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2Fpublic-records%2F14805%2Fmiami-county-real-estate-5.json | http://dailycall.com/news/public-records/14805/miami-county-real-estate-5 | en | null | Miami County Real Estate | null | null | dailycall.com | TROY
Hannah Taylor to Hannah Taylor, Michael Taylor, one lot, $0.
Charlotte Hannah, Constance Hannah, Georgia Hannah, James Hannah, Michael Hannah to Daniel Drodge, Terrilynn Meece, one lot, $152,000.
Mary Heinaman Trust, Mary Heinaman, trustee to Heather Antonides, Timothy Antonides, one lot, $258,500.
Bank of New York Trust Company, Gregory Booher, Bank of New York Mellon, etc., to Kathy Booher, one lot, $23,300.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox, William Knisley to Citifinancial Servicing LLC, one lot, $51,400.
N.P. Dodge Jr., trustee, to Heather Hurd, Robert Hurd, one lot, $189,900.
Gordon Neumann, Karen Neumann, Melinda Neumann, Peter Neumann, Mark Scott, Ruth Scott to M. Carol Smith, one lot, $125,000.
Estate of Charles Barrett Jr., Shannon Dykes, administrator to Dorothy Crowl, one lot, $243,000.
Bernice Michael, Zane Michael to Bernice Michael, Zane Michael, one lot, $0.
Birchard Taylor, Janine Taylor to Kenny York, Lynn York, one lot, $393,000.
Stonebridge Meadows LLC to NVR Inc., one lot, $55,000.
Jennifer Deane, Joshua Deane to Abel Fuentes, Martha Fuentes, one lot, $40,000.
Stonebridge Meadows LLC to NVR Inc., one lot, $55,000.
Estate of Larry Linker, Linda Fricke, executor, to Sue Parker, two lots, $120,000.
Mike Hawk Homes LLC to Sevitts Properties LLC, one lot, $50,000.
Tracy Claybon, Tracy Hoyt to Adrian Scarpella, Brittany Scarpella, one lot, $186,000.
Dustin Goubeaux, Michael Myers to Bill Dawes, Melinda McGrath, one lot, $85,500.
Darlene Johnson, Steve Johnson to Donnie Sullivan, one lot, $48,100.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 814 W. Water Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to Vornholt Street, one lot, $0.
Shirley Wagner to 605 Virginia Avenue LLC, one lot, $0.
Shirley Wagner to Canal Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Shirley Wagner to 505 Michigan Street LLC, one lot, $0.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 101 North Madison Street, one lot, $0.
Robert Ballard, Shirley Wagner to 506 Market Street, one lot, $0.
Gloria Morrison to Gloria Morrison, one lot, $0.
Ronald Fox, Linda Pickering to Linda Pickering, one lot, $0.
U.S. Bank N.A. to Thomas Spayde, one lot, $122,100.
Dana Cosby, Ronald Cosby Jr. to Billie Shroyer, Carl Shroyer, one lot, $194,000.
Danielle Butson, Jeffrey Butson to Zakery Krueper, one lot, $89,000.
James Nutt, Melanie Nutt to Andrew Ohls, Daniela Ohls, two lots, $183,000.
PIQUA
Floyd and Patricia Wenrick Joint Irrevocable Trust, Jeffrey Wenrick, trustee to Vicky Fravel, Sue Schaefer, Jeffrey Wenrick, one lot, $0.
Caliber Real Estate Services LLC, attorney in fact, LSF9 Master Participation Trust, U.S. Bank Trust N.A., trustee to Janet Houser, two lots, $34,900.
Jeffrey Neves, trustee, Rolland and Lia NEves Revocable Living Trust to Deborah Deeter, Michael Deeter, one lot, $103,500.
Raymond Alexander to Dorothy Alexander, one lot, $32,500.
Federal Home Loan Mortgage Company, Manley, Deas, and Kochalski LLC, attorney in fact to Amanda Swanton, Bradley Young, two lots, $0.
Estate of Eileen Larger, Eileen Larger, Angela Moyer, co-executor, Elfreda Trittschuh, co-executor to Leona Fulks, one lot, $152,000.
Estate of Ronnie Messer, Rhonda Smith, administrator to Tony Messer, one lot, $12,000.
Estate of Lia Neves to Rolland Neves and Lia Neves Revocable Trust, $0.
Federal Home Loan Mortgage Company, Lerner, Sampson, and Rothfuss, attorney in fact, to Andrew Snyder, one lot, $0.
Mitchel Sirch to Michael Dankworth, Pamela Dankworth, one lot, $102,000.
Cynthia Tamplin to Eric Hiser, Tiffany Hiser, one lot, $120,000.
Jeffery Covault, Jillian Covault to Michelle Boyd, one lot, $82,400.
Dawn Holly, Dawn Kiamy, Michael Kiamy to Paul Maxwell, one lot, $59,000.
Robert Kurckeberg to Terri Livesay, one lot, $0.
Estate of Janet Hartley, Matthew Wiley, executor to Megan Jess, one lot, $43,000.
Innovative Investing LLC to VSF Investments Ltd., one lot, $105,000.
Miami County Sheriff’s Office Charles Cox, Joanne Motter, Mark Motter to Terry Stamper, one lot, $73,900.
Robert Heindel, Tina Heindel to Zachary Legge, one lot, $74,000.
TIPP CITY
Miami County Sheriff Charles Cox, Norman Giessman to 25A Beverage and Deli Inc., two lots, $59,000.
Lisa Ratermann, Philip Ratermann to Lisa Kreusch, Mark Kreusch, one lot, $332,500.
Henry Barthel, Lucinda Barthel to Henry and Lucinda Barthel Revocable Trust Agreement, Henry Barthel, co-trustee, Lucinda Barthel, co-trustee, one lot, $0.
Estate of Oneida Music, Lori Herkins, executrix to Joann Vonkrosigk, Sam Vonkrosigk, one lot, $189,900.
Community Property Group Troy to James Heatherly, Samuel Spano, one lot, $19,500.
Heather Bailey, Frank Scenna to Team Scenna Rentals LLC, three lots, $0.
Heather Bailey, Frank Scenna to Team Scenna Rentals LLC, one lot, $0.
Jo Ann Von Krosigk, Sam Von Krosigk to Pamela Von Krosigk, one lot, $130,000. | http://dailycall.com/news/public-records/14805/miami-county-real-estate-5 | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/603c6e31508ff4a0f8ed20dd9089e3c5d5800e5e3e551ed076928f51b944e5b5.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T14:47:43" | null | "2016-08-30T10:21:31" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14916%2Ftipp-man-gets-prison-for-assaulting-officer.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Shaffner.jpg | en | null | Tipp man gets prison for assaulting officer | null | null | dailycall.com | MIAMI COUNTY — A Tipp City man who assaulted a police officer was sentenced to serve 15 months in prison on Monday.
Miami County Common Pleas Court Judge Jeannine Pratt sentenced Christopher Shaffner, 29, of Tipp City, for fourth degree assault. Judge Pratt also sentenced Shaffner to serve 10 months for a community control violation, which will be served concurrently with the assault charge.
On June 25, Shaffner was intoxicated and knocking on the back door of a residence on West Main Street in Tipp City. One of the occupants had a restraining order against Shaffner at the time of the incident.
As Shaffner was being detained, he refused to allow officers to shut the cruiser doors. Shaffner kicked an officer several times, resisting the officer’s orders. Shaffner had a black eye prior to being arrested, but attempted to blame the police officer for the injury while being treated at the hospital.
Shaffner blamed his abuse of alcohol for his actions and asked for leniency. Judge Pratt noted Shaffner had already been placed on five years of community control just a few months earlier involving the same subject whom he followed home from a Tipp City bar.
“You are the one who put yourself in this situation,” Pratt told Shaffner. “You being drunk doesn’t excuse your conduct.”
Shaffner was given 121 days of jail time credit.
Shaffner http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Shaffner.jpg Shaffner
Shaffner kicked Tipp City police officer several times
By Melanie Yingst [email protected]
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @Troydailynews
Reach Melanie Yingst at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @Troydailynews | http://dailycall.com/news/14916/tipp-man-gets-prison-for-assaulting-officer | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/2fac62bb213238f2a8c816d0db3bddcbca5b2ba981d770e5f566aad66d4dbbf6.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T16:46:03" | null | "2016-08-26T11:42:07" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fopinion%2Feditorials%2F14798%2Fthe-hy-pot-crisy-of-marijuana-laws.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_OTHER-WORDS-Richardson-Jill.jpg | en | null | The hy-pot-crisy of marijuana laws | null | null | dailycall.com | For a few brief months, it looked like America might take a step closer to sanity. And then came the news: the Obama administration will not loosen federal restrictions on marijuana after all.
Before delving into the issue of marijuana, consider its two fellow “gateway drugs:” alcohol and tobacco. Aside from the potential benefits from drinking a glass of red wine, neither one is good for you.
Alcohol can be incredibly harmful, either via acute alcohol poisoning or via chronic destruction to your life and liver. Cigarettes are always bad for you.
All three — alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana — supposedly entice users to take a timid step into the world of drug use and then find themselves plunged all the way in with “harder” drugs like heroin, cocaine, or meth.
And while illegal drugs like meth and heroin can ruin your life or kill you, so can legal ones like alcohol. Just ask any recovering alcoholic.
But among the three so-called gateway drugs, marijuana alone is illegal according to the federal government.
Marijuana is classified as a Schedule I drug, defined as having no medical use and being subject to abuse. It’s more regulated than cocaine, which hospitals have on hand for medical use.
But half of all U.S. states disagree and have enacted laws to legalize medical marijuana at the state level.
So recently, two governors asked the feds to take another look at its classification. The Obama administration and the DEA had a chance to ask themselves—should marijuana really be on the same list as heroin, as it is now?
Yes, they decided, it should.
They’ve agreed to expand the availability for “legitimate researchers” to conduct clinical trials to determine whether marijuana has any legitimate medical uses, but they currently say there’s no credible evidence that it does.
The hypocrisy is unbelievable, on two levels.
First, because alcohol and tobacco are allowed, even though people can abuse them, and even when they provide no medical benefit.
Second, because we use an entirely different standard to determine the safety and legality of any number of other chemicals.
In most cases, our laws treat chemicals as safe until proven dangerous. Marijuana, on the other hand, is being held to a higher standard. It’s not even that it’s considered dangerous until proven safe. The government says that they won’t lift regulations on it until it’s proven beneficial.
In the last 40 years, the EPA banned just five out of over 80,000 chemicals used in the U.S. So while asbestos was still legal, even after scientists knew how toxic it was, people were locked up in jail for smoking pot.
To be fair, Congress just passed a reform of toxic chemical regulations this year. But the new law only goes so far. The EPA is currently working its way down a list of 90 high-priority chemicals that are both toxic and legal, including asbestos and arsenic.
Why do we have one standard for thousands of chemicals—considered safe until proven otherwise—and another for marijuana?
Imagine a world in which asbestos had to be proven safe before it could be sold legally. How many horrible deaths from mesothelioma would’ve been prevented?
Meanwhile, what if marijuana, which has caused zero deaths by overdose, was considered safe until proven otherwise?
We could regulate it just like we do tobacco and alcohol. We could say no advertising its use, no driving or working while high, no selling marijuana to anyone under 21, and so on.
The decision to keep marijuana illegal on a federal level until it’s proven to be beneficial reeks of hy-pot-crisy.
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By Jill Richardson Contributing Columnist
OtherWords columnist Jill Richardson is the author of “Recipe for America: Why Our Food System Is Broken and What We Can Do to Fix It.” (OtherWords.org)
OtherWords columnist Jill Richardson is the author of “Recipe for America: Why Our Food System Is Broken and What We Can Do to Fix It.” (OtherWords.org) | http://dailycall.com/opinion/editorials/14798/the-hy-pot-crisy-of-marijuana-laws | en | "2016-08-26T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/cf599e2f8e3e09ab4b8a5fb2cbfbe08676b23af4714d483f2b97488d8749518b.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:47:27" | null | "2016-08-25T16:53:36" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14776%2Ffarm-fresh.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_082516mju_farmersmarket.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | Mike Ullery | Daily Call
Roxana Chesser of Piqua purchases fresh tomatoes from Allie Popp of Marrs Farm Fresh Produce during Thursday’s Piqua Farmers Market. There are two more chances to visit this year’s Piqua Farmers Market. September 1 was originally slated to be the final week for 2016 but vendors requested one more week, so the final day for this year will be September 8. | http://dailycall.com/news/14776/farm-fresh | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/72afed7bf06b7f62ff42333c091f41080e2dd76a158a0be0f1cdb2f625fc73af.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-26T12:50:27" | null | "2016-08-25T20:24:55" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14777%2Fboe-gets-back-to-school-business.json | http://dailycall.com/news/14777/boe-gets-back-to-school-business | en | null | BOE gets back to school business | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA – It was back to school and back to business for the Piqua City Schools board of education on Thursday, when they held their first meeting of the 2016-17 academic year. The brief meeting brought new staff to the district, as well as positive news from the athletic director.
More than a dozen new staff members were introduced, including teachers, a guidance counselor and new Piqua Central Intermediate School Assistant Principal Ross Loudenback. The educators ranged from seasoned veterans to those fresh out of college, and spanned all grade levels. Some hailed from this area or other parts of Ohio, while others came from out of state.
“This is a great group; we’re excited to have them on board. They’ve had a great start to the school year,” said Tony Lyons, the district’s recently appointed assistant superintendent. “It’s exciting in this position to be able to have a part in the selection process and really get to know all of them. I’m ready to get out there in the classrooms and see them work.”
Director of Athletics Chip Hare was happy to report the completion of the track renovation project at Piqua High School’s Alexander Stadium, just in time for tonight’s gridiron faceoff against Dayton’s Meadowdale High School.
“They did a great job with the timing and the weather we had. This crew really did push to get done, but they also pushed through it correctly. I really was not interested in them just trying to rush through. They really did a good job of taking care of the details,” Hare said.
The renovation of the track, which was more than 30 years old, cost approximately $500,000, most of it from private-party funding.
“When you go out to the track, you’re going to see a fantastic track that really pops out, that’s going to make this community very proud,” Hare said.
In other business, the board approved several recommendations, including:
• The tuition rate for the district for the 2016-17 school year in the amount of $567.89 per month of attendance.
• The hiring of four part-time bus drivers, effective as of Aug. 23. A need for bus drivers was discussed at a previous board meeting and Lyons said, with the addition of one more driver in October, “That puts us flush with bus drivers.”
Superintendent Dwayne Thompson gave an update on the ending times of the school day at Piqua Central Intermediate School and the two primary schools. At PCIS, students who walk home will be dismissed at 3:05 p.m. and bus riders at 3:20 p.m. At Washington and Springcreek, walkers and car riders will be dismissed at 3:25, and bus riders at 3:40 p.m. This will allow bus drivers time to run the PCIS route and arrive at the primary schools in a reasonable amount of time, Thompson explained.
The board’s next meeting will be at 6 p.m. Sept. 22, at Piqua Junior High School. To watch a streaming broadcast of Thursday’s meeting, as well as previous meetings, go to www.piqua.org/Boxcast.aspx.
New year, new staff, new track at PHS
By Belinda M. Paschal [email protected]
Reach Belinda M. Paschal at (937) 451-3341.
Reach Belinda M. Paschal at (937) 451-3341. | http://dailycall.com/news/14777/boe-gets-back-to-school-business | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/4623427484df91727069ebc4f81148c8f1ccee4cf201eadf3232a7cfbd4f3d08.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-30T20:47:43" | null | "2016-08-30T16:19:55" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14941%2Fshow-your-spirit.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Indianhead.jpg | en | null | Piqua Daily Call | null | null | dailycall.com | The Piqua Football Mom’s Club is now painting sidewalk indian heads for local residents who would like to show their support for the Piqua Indians. A newly painted indian head is $20 and a refreshed painting of an old indian head is $15. Call or text Shani Karn at 214-2368 or Kelli Meckstroth, pictured, at 214-3988 for questions or to schedule your painting.
The Piqua Football Mom’s Club is now painting sidewalk indian heads for local residents who would like to show their support for the Piqua Indians. A newly painted indian head is $20 and a refreshed painting of an old indian head is $15. Call or text Shani Karn at 214-2368 or Kelli Meckstroth, pictured, at 214-3988 for questions or to schedule your painting. http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_Indianhead.jpg The Piqua Football Mom’s Club is now painting sidewalk indian heads for local residents who would like to show their support for the Piqua Indians. A newly painted indian head is $20 and a refreshed painting of an old indian head is $15. Call or text Shani Karn at 214-2368 or Kelli Meckstroth, pictured, at 214-3988 for questions or to schedule your painting. | http://dailycall.com/news/14941/show-your-spirit | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/769fc44a78f368bf13fdf281241b6d80bf3019bedf1df269208191598fcdb3dc.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T16:46:52" | null | "2016-08-28T12:24:13" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fopinion%2Feditorials%2F14877%2Feditorial-roundup-47.json | http://dailycall.com/opinion/editorials/14877/editorial-roundup-47 | en | null | Editorial roundup | null | null | dailycall.com | Driverless cars pose risks we’re not ready to take
The (Lock Haven, Pa.) Express, Aug. 23
We love technology … most of the time.
We use it everyday.
Sure, it can be a pain … and it does become addicting.
Look at all the people walking around staring only – and long and hard – at their cellphones.
There’s a limit … or at least, there should be a limit that parents place on their kids’ use of technology so they don’t fail to understand the true benefits of human interaction.
Adults need limits, too.
Ugh … it stinks we even have to say that.
Computer technology is everywhere, and the multi-billion dollar corporations that control most of the cellular and digital technology you see and use are working very hard to make you believe you cannot live without the digital revolution.
OK … so having said that, we do NOT want to see computerized driver-less cars riding up and down our streets anytime soon.
But get ready people, because money talks and word is out that ride-hailing service Uber will start hauling passengers in self-driving cars (apparently with human backup drivers) on the streets of Pittsburgh within the next several weeks.
Further, driver-less cars soon will populate a heavily traveled toll road in Ohio that is a connector between the East Coast and Chicago.
Much of the testing, up to now, has been in California along with a handful of Western U.S. states and on closed courses, such as one operated by the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.
“It’s got to start happening on real roads. That’s part of getting the consumer confidence,” Randy Cole, director of Ohio Turnpike, told the Associated Press last week.
Confidence in driver-less cars?
Not here.
Not now.
Not sure when.
Call us too conservative, or too cautious.
We can take it.
The U.S. Transportation Department has said it will propose federal government guidelines for self-driving vehicles later this year.
Meanwhile, states are grappling with how to regulate the technology.
A handful – including Nevada, California, Michigan and Florida – have approved guidelines for testing these vehicles on public roads.
Pennsylvania has not developed such regulations, restrictions or limits so far as we know.
It should in advance of what is now spreading across the country.
And Keystone State lawmakers had better give the public ample opportunity to weigh in BEFORE more driver-less cars hit our roads.
___
The (Newark, Ohio) Advocate, Aug. 20
…While alleged embezzlement from a local government remains somewhat rare locally, there have been several high-profile thefts from groups with very public roles…
There are so many thefts … the Ohio Attorney General’s Office operates a Charitable Law section to monitor nonprofit groups and investigate possible problems. The office even publishes a booklet detailing the best ways to protect organizations that “rely on the good-faith efforts of invaluable volunteers and sometimes paid staff members.”
Many of us are intimidated by tracking funds for organizations such as churches or community groups. We’re grateful when people with financial management skills step forward to volunteer time for paying the bills and tracking funds. We also tend to be a bit too trusting.
But when people agree to serve on a board or in a leadership role in any organization, they must make sure they focus on protecting the organization. We realize that’s often easier said than done…
That’s why board members must ensure written procedures are being followed and pay close attention to all disbursements. Make sure no single person has sole access to deposits and reporting of financial information.
Reality tells us that as long as people have access to someone else’s money, there’s an opportunity for theft, especially if the treasurer is facing unknown personal challenges. | http://dailycall.com/opinion/editorials/14877/editorial-roundup-47 | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/992334056354c233ace81904f37c0d4608d65660c651c0eb5853b16573c69b71.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-28T02:46:24" | null | "2016-08-27T21:00:56" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fsports%2F14851%2Feast-football-loses-to-milton-union.json | http://dailycall.com/sports/14851/east-football-loses-to-milton-union | en | null | East football loses to Milton-Union | null | null | dailycall.com | By Josh Brown
[email protected]
WEST MILTON — For Milton-Union safety William Morris, it wasn’t the three interceptions in one quarter.
Or even tying a school record for most interceptions in a game by one player.
“Winning the football game, that’s for sure,” the sophomore said.
His Bulldog teammates can attest to that.
After Friday’s season opener against Miami East was suspended until Saturday morning with the score tied 7-7 at halftime, Milton-Union maintained momentum and went up by two scores on a pair of third-quarter touchdown runs by Zac Shields. But after the Vikings cut the lead to only six with 9:26 to play, Milton-Union had to fend off three more Miami East possessions to hold on — and Morris ended each of those possessions with an interception, including one final one with 6.5 seconds on the clock to seal a 20-14 Bulldog victory Saturday at Memorial Stadium.
And after the dust settled in the matchup between two playoff teams from last season, Milton-Union coach Mark Lane agreed with Morris.
“I can’t even explain it. There’s nothing like the feeling of winning a football game,” he said.
On Friday night, Miami East (0-1) took the lead early in the second quarter on a 32-yard screen play from Ian Gengler to Levi Adducchio, but the Bulldogs tied the score right before halftime on a 1-yard quarterback sneak by Zach Vagedes. But during the halftime show, lightning in the distance forced the game to be postponed — and it never let up, moving the start of the second half to Saturday.
And Milton-Union (1-0) kept that momentum going to begin Saturday’s third quarter. After forcing a quick three-and-out, the Bulldogs drove the ball 65 yards on seven plays — with Krue Thwaits and Zac Shields each posting two runs of 10-or-more-yards in the first six plays. Shields then finished off the drive with another solid run, weaving his way through blocking on the left side for a 16-yard touchdown to give the Bulldogs their first lead of the game at 14-7.
And after Tyler Courtright recovered a fumble at midfield, Milton-Union went 47 yards in 10 plays. Shields again put the ball in the end zone, running around the left side of the line to give the Bulldogs a 13-point cushion at 20-7 after three quarters.
Shields finished with 122 yards and two touchdowns on 18 carries, Thwaits had 69 yards on 15 carries and Blake Smith had 15 yards on six carries as Milton-Union had 206 rushing yards total in the game, with Vagedes also completing three passes for 45 yards.
“Zac finished his runs great, and he was able to finish those runs because everyone out there was finishing their blocks,” Lane said. “The kids blocked well from whistle to whistle.”
“They’re high school kids, and you don’t know how they’re going to respond to something like that,” Miami East coach Max Current said of picking up again after the overnight delay. “I think Milton responded a little better to it than we did. They came out and punched us in the mouth in that third quarter. But I did like how we responded after that.”
After the Bulldogs missed the extra point on their second touchdown of the third quarter, the Vikings fought back.
Arron Adams took the ensuing kickoff at the East 15-yard line and ran it all the way back to the Bulldog 40, a 45-yard return that breathed life back into the Vikings. They went those last 40 yards in 12 plays, converting one fourth down and two third downs along the way. It seemed like the drive would stall after a false start penalty on third-and-goal from the 1 pushed them back to the 6-yard line, but Adams took a pitch around the right side on the next play for a 6-yard touchdown that made it a six-point game at 20-14 with 9:26 left in the fourth quarter.
East’s defense then got a stop, but the Bulldogs pinned the Vikings back at their own 3-yard line with a stellar punt by Kiefer Jones. But a quick completion from Gengler to Adams for 17 yards got their back away from the wall — only to have Milton-Union’s Morris intercept an overthrown pass at midfield to kill the drive.
“We came out, got that touchdown and got a stop on defense to get the ball back,” Current said. “We gave ourselves two or three more chances — but then we had three straight possessions end in interceptions.”
“William really knows how to play the middle of the field in a passing situation,” Lane said of Morris. “He’s like a center fielder back there in baseball.”
“We just had to tighten up and come together as one,” Morris said. “Coach always talks about being a team and coming together and being one big family, and we just had to come together and make the big stops.”
Miami East forced another three-and-out and got the ball back on their own 19 with 3:50 to play. They made it as far as the 40, but on third-and-10 a Gengler pass was tipped at the line — and right into the waiting hands of Morris at the East 37-yard line.
Milton-union managed to take 1:09 off the clock with that possession but turned the ball over on downs with 44 seconds left. But on third-and-1 from their own 44, Gengler was forced to throw a hail mary — and Morris was in the right spot one final time to wrap up the game.
“The second one was all my teammates,” Morris said. “They got his hands up, tipped the ball, and I just did what I could to help the team. The third one, I was just playing my position, not letting anyone behind me and just setting me up to be in the right spot. Without my teammates, none of that would have been possible.”
Adducchio finished with 116 yards on 21 carries to lead the Vikings, Adams had 33 yards on seven carries and Colt Frazier had 23 yards on eight carries as Miami East piled up 167 total yards rushing. Gengler also went 5 for 10 for 66 yards, a touchdown and three interceptions through the air.
Miami East hosts National Trail, which is 0-1 after a 50-0 defeat at Preble Shawnee, in Week 2 to open Cross County Conference play.
“We’ve got some growing pains to go through this year,” Current said. “That’s a good football team we just played. We gave a great effortthere were just some execution things we need to iron out. But our guys battled. I was proud of them. Now we’ve got to put this behind us, get refocused and get ready for our first league game next week against National Trail. We’ve got a league title to defend.”
Milton-Union, meanwhile, will host 0-1 Oakwood, which lost 30-29 to Mariemont. Until then, they’ll enjoy this feeling.
“When winning football games stops feeling good, that’s when I’ll stop doing this,” Lane said. “But I don’t expect it to stop for a long time.”
Tippecanoe 51, | http://dailycall.com/sports/14851/east-football-loses-to-milton-union | en | "2016-08-27T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/67247f68edbb1b642b6395fa799984c0f33cc99a29a7aeef9cabbcee976c0f73.json |
[
"Piqua Daily Call"
] | "2016-08-29T14:47:10" | null | "2016-08-29T10:19:14" | null | http%3A%2F%2Fdailycall.com%2Fnews%2F14895%2Fsocial-security-workshop-planned.json | http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_EikenberryJohn-fz.jpg | en | null | Social Security workshop planned | null | null | dailycall.com | PIQUA — A free, one-hour, educational seminar, “Smart Social Security Planning,” will be Sept. 8 and Sept. 13, at 6 p.m., at Edison Community College in Piqua.
The seminar is designed for baby boomers, persons who have recently retired or those who are approaching retirement age, according to John Eikenberry of Eikenberry Retirement Planning, one of the presenters.
“We are holding this free educational seminar because so many retirees and those nearing retirement age do not understand how their Social Security benefits really work,” Eikenberry said. “And, most baby boomers do not understand the options available to them and what the recent changes to Social Security can do to their retirement plans already in place.”
Eikenberry and Nick Boeckman will present the seminars. Both are trained in the most up-to-date Social Security planning techniques and are members of a national educational program dedicated to providing its members with the latest Social Security planning tools.
Eikenberry said that many financial advisers may not understand how Social Security works or how retirement-age men and women need to plan to be able to best utilize their Social Security benefits.
“Deciding when to start taking Social Security benefits can have a tremendous impact on the amount of benefits an individual receives during his/her lifetime,” he said. “One of the easiest ways to understand your retirement is to imagine it as a carton of eggs — your nest eggs, so to speak. Deciding how to arrange your nest eggs and how to crack those nest eggs in the most beneficial order is what we are trying to teach baby boomers. We’re going to educate folks about their options and how those options can affect them positively and negatively.”
Eikenberry said other information that will be presented at the seminar includes the following:
• What the Social Security office doesn’t tell you.
• When it makes sense to delay benefits and when it does not.
• Why checking your earnings record for accuracy is important.
• How to coordinate your benefits with those of your spouse for maximum potential.
• Reducing or eliminating taxes on your Social Security retirement benefits.
• Ways to integrate your Social Security benefits with your overall retirement plan.
He said the seminar will also cover Social Security basics and will also reveal little-known strategies for maximizing Social Security benefits.
He stressed that the seminar is free and nothing will be sold. Because there is limited seating, advance registration is encouraged. To register, call 800-548-6511.
Boeckman http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_BoeckmanNick_15fz.jpg Boeckman Eikenberry http://dailycall.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/web1_EikenberryJohn-fz.jpg Eikenberry | http://dailycall.com/news/14895/social-security-workshop-planned | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | dailycall.com/cfb8e49bebe3977c3ec7c03fe35894385c0f154c785be599aa14b26c07b9fe5b.json |
[
"Thomas O'Hanlon"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:14" | null | "2016-08-29T23:34:53" | "Broad Daylight" robberies explained : FBIs senior special investigator Horace Deluca in a recent press conference explained why so many daytime robberies are committed in broad daylight
A thief said Mr Deluca is just like anybody else A nice sunny day with a blue sk | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126759%2Fbroad-daylight-robberies-explained.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/21107-5514sleep.jpg | en | null | "Broad Daylight" robberies explained | null | null | www.thespoof.com | FBI's senior special investigator, Horace Deluca in a recent press conference, explained why so many daytime robberies are committed in "broad daylight".
"A thief," said Mr. Deluca, "is just like anybody else. A nice sunny day with a blue sky offers the prospects of good things to come, enables the thief to have a cheerful mood, confident in his chosen profession."
The Bureau randomly picked 100 case studies of daytime crimes and concluded as Mr. Deluca said "that daytime thievery is a rarity on gloomy days."
He cited specific examples. "94 cases shared the same description, all include at least one witness or police officer stating that the crime was committed in 'broad daylight'".
Of the six remaining cases it was revealed that three were committed on a "windswept drizzling day", one took place on a "the sun was playing peek-a-boo day" and two happened on a "disgustingly humid day that makes your blue jeans stick to the inside of your thighs day."
According to the study released by the FBI, forty percent of the broad daylight crimes were witnessed by neighbors who were also caught up in the reverie of a nice day.
Kyle Swank of Yonkers New York, watched with a smile as thieves carried away expensive electronics from his neighbor's house. "I was dumbfounded," said Mr. Norton. "Gary, my friend and neighbor asked me to watch his house while he was vacationing, and I remember waking that morning and thinking what a glorious day it was. Then I hear someone singing from Gary's driveway. I went outside to investigate and there were two strangers carrying his 55-inch flat screen. I should have been alarmed but the song they were singing was "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" from Oklahoma and well the next thing I know I'm helping the thieves carry out some heavy objects while singing along."
Local police throughout the country have stepped up patrols during broad daylight at the suggestion of the FBI, but this has only resulted in a lot of backslapping and handshaking with looters and warnings of "come on guys, you know better than that, I'll let you go this time but maybe not the next time" Officers have admitted saying those very words while winking at the fleeing yet smiling hoodlums.
Investigator Deluca has hinted that the FBI is looking into curtailing the weather with cloud seeding. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126759/broad-daylight-robberies-explained | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/49ef1200665484cee2626f6b965f2ef3900f065d4186506e7b637af1ae66729c.json |
[
"Thomas O'Hanlon"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:20" | null | "2016-08-30T08:12:40" | The Boss breaks his record : Last night at the Meadowlands Bruce Springsteen shattered his own record by going on a 47minute monologue segueing beautifully between a somber ATLANTIC CITY and a raucous Rosalita
The crowd used this time to use the bathroom text their | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126762%2Fthe-boss-breaks-his-record.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/Scared.jpg | en | null | The Boss breaks his record | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Last night at the Meadowlands, Bruce Springsteen shattered his own record by going on a 47-minute monologue segueing beautifully between a somber ATLANTIC CITY and a raucous Rosalita.
The crowd used this time to use the bathroom, text their children, and nap while others swayed rhythmically while humming "we shall overcome".
"In the hot chaotic summer of 1964 my Daddy told me that life was dormant unto most" he began "yet it was the intrinsic value of Old man Jenkins death that brought out the taste in paprika that hot crazy night."
He paused occasionally and chuckled as the crowd responded in kind.
"There was a pond, a swimming hole back beyond the tracks deep in Mosquito woods. I would bring Mary there and we would play Patty cake until the sun rose up above the marshy creek."
Half way through the rant, his wife Patty and Little Stevie slowly approached Bruce sensing that maybe Bruce was suffering from heat stroke that caused his brain to lock but he shunned them away as the crowd roared, sensing history was in the making.
As he approached his old 23-minute record rant of 2003 in Wembly the crowd began whispering "Buuuuuuuuuuce" "Bruuuuuuuuuuuce" which seemed to energize the legend.
"In the attic of my old house where I grew up I found a nook in the corner where the chimney met the sloping roof and there I found a bag of old shoes" he continued "I had an old Sting Ray bike named Hector which I used to ride to the factory where I watched through the windows as big iron pistons pounded out sweat and sins. My granddaddy wore a hat. At the corner deli, Mr. Smith would hand out donuts and tell us not to swim in the poisonous lake. Way before sun up and way after dark was the magic moment when the crickets shouted their song of freedom."
He struggled on, at one point almost losing his balance "ten times twelve is my favorite number, my momma would make cake out of sorry little birds and pop tarts, I replaced the wheels of a 1959 Thunderbird with porcupines, my neighbors were Italian and ate spaghetti every Sunday night while the frogs croaked and the wind blew soft salt air from the nearby Atlantic telling us all that summer was over."
Smashing through the record, the crowd cheered wildly not hearing the rest of the words but not caring for they knew they were part of something great.
He finally finished with "It was the round pebbles that wouldn't skip that gathered by the shore and watched forlornly as the Seagulls alerted the trees and sounded the alarm of fire that burns so deep within the soul of the undying cat."
Finally, at forty-seven minutes and twelve seconds he shouted "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR" and the band joined in as the crowd all sang "ROSALITA". | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126762/the-boss-breaks-his-record | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/2467b5fd1df52ace226c6c98d028642fd7c71ec14fa5747f080f8190e0deb0bb.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T22:50:56" | null | "2016-08-03T13:14:14" | 2016 NFL Predictions: Part 2 : Former Minnesota Viking running back Onterrio Smith makes a comeback not as a player but as a pitchman for his new Whizzinatorlike product to help players beat drug tests The product which is endorsed by the estate of Prince is called the Pur | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fsport%2F126511%2F2016-nfl-predictions-part-2.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | 2016 NFL Predictions: Part 2 | null | null | www.thespoof.com | *Former Minnesota Viking running back Onterrio Smith makes a comeback, not as a player, but as a pitchman for his new Whizzinator-like product to help players beat drug tests. The product, which is endorsed by the estate of Prince, is called the "Purple Vein" and sells for $89.95 on Smith's web site, fauxsho.com.
*The Cowboys organization responds to the teams' recent and habitual behavioral issues by devoting a $2 million budget to commission a public service announcement to be aired during August 7th's Hall Of Fame game between the Colts and Packers. The production, directed by Quentin Tarantino and sporting a running time of 2 hours 47 minutes, stars 67 former and current Cowboys and features the violence fans have come to expect from the Cowboys and Tarantino, as well as the foul and racist language, most of it uttered by former Philadelphia Eagle Riley Cooper, who makes a mysterious cameo.
The Cowboys season takes a scary turn on November 1st, when Tony Romo injures his collarbone while fervently scanning for teammates' names in the police news section of the Dallas Morning News. Luckily, Romo is able to play through the pain and leads the Cowboys to the NFC East title.
*Philip Rivers is finally able to hold the "Vince Lombardi Trophy," when he and his wife Tiffany welcome their ninth child, a boy named "Vince Lombardi Trophy Rivers" on February 1st.
After a knee injury suffered in week 12's game at Houston ends his season prematurely, Rivers tearfully announces in a press conference that he is having a vasectomy.
*In the Patriots home opener on September 18th versus the Dolphins, New England owner Robert Kraft hires a football-shaped blimp, co-piloted by Jim McMahan wearing a headband emblazoned with the word "Goodell," to hover over Gillette Stadium.
Each of the 68,000 seats in the stadium is equipped with a whoopee cushion bearing the likeness of Goodell with a note urging fans to "Take the air out of this."
Tom Brady makes an appearance on the CBS broadcast of the game, appearing in a commercial for BeautyRest Mattreses, in which Brady lounges comfortably on a BeautyRest mattress while manually inflating a blow-up doll.
*Suspended Cleveland Gordons receiver Josh Gordon introduces his new taxi service geared towards transporting potheads and stoners around Cleveland. The service, named "Doober," is initially introduced to focus groups, and Gordon, for once, is pleased to hear that things "tested positive."
Gordon returns to action in Week 5 and grabs 4 catches for 20 yards in a 31-17 loss to New England. It's downhill from there, as Gordon's attempt to join the "mile high" club on the flight home is thwarted by a nosey air marshall.
Gordon is subsequently banned for life from the league, and retires to a mountaintop high in the Rockies of Colorado, where he dispenses wisdom and medicinal marijuana.
*Robert Griffin III passes for 275 yards and three touchdowns as the Gordons whip the Redskins 30-17 in week 4 in Cleveland. Afterwards, Griffin posts the phrase "RG III-Venge" on Twitter, then files to copyright and trademark the term.
Unfortunately, it's one of the few high notes for Griffin, as he injures his knee against the Ravens in week 10. Griffin endears himself to the Cleveland faithful during his recovery, showing extreme toughness, while reminding many of Johnny Manziel, when Griffin adamantly refuses rehab.
*Roger Goodell shows up at James Harrison's suburban Pittsburgh home with a clear plastic cup, looking to impose his will on Harrison. Harrison calmly imposes his "won't" on the commissioner, refusing Goodell's request for an interview and a urine sample.
After a little small talk, Harrison and Goodell head to Harrison's basement, where they bond on the bench press in Harrison's spacious weight room. In a subsequent interview with Men's Journal magazine, Harrison says he "spotted" a crook and a puppet.
*For his 26th birthday on September 22nd, Denard Robinson's Jacksonville teammates present him with a life jacket, an alarm clock, and a waterproof sleeping back, while the Jags custodial staff honors the day by naming a sink after Robinson.
On the season, Robinson rushes for 425 yards and six touchdowns, and the Jaguars stay in the AFC South race until the very end, completing the season with a 6-10 record.
*Los Angeles Rams running back Todd Gurley leads the NFL in rushing with 1,396 yards, edging Green Bay's Eddie Lacy by 31 yards.
The Rams finish the season with an 8-8 record, good for third in the NFC West. An elated Jeff Fisher, in an announcement made on his coaches show, "The .500 Club," declares he'll be back next season.
*Jameis Winston signs a deal to be the official spokesman for Publix grocery stores, and touts the chain's low prices with the new official slogan "It's a steal."
The Buccaneers finish 10-6, taking second in the NFC South to the Panthers and earning a wild card playoff berth. In their wild card matchup against the Cowboys, Winston tosses four interceptions and the Bucs fall 27-14. Afterwards, Winston surprisingly takes full responsibility for the loss, and stands on a chair in the locker room and shouts "I F'd Us Right Out Of The P(layoffs)!"
*The pirate theme borders on overkill when Long John Silvers and Captain Morgan Rum sponsor "Piracy Day" at the October 30th Raiders/Buccaneers game at Raymond James Stadium, where all fans in attendance are encouraged to steal music from Kanye West.
In addition to West, the Buccaneers are the real losers on the day, as the inspired Raiders, coming off a brutal 30-10 loss at Jacksonville the previous week, leave town with a 35-19 win.
*In his return to the lineup after serving a four-game suspension, Le'Veon Bell is given a standing ovation by the Heinz Field faithful, many of whom raise their beverages in Bell's honor. Bell acknowledges the crowd, and later quips that the experience took "being toasted" to another level, even for him.
Bell scorches the Jets for 159 total yards and two touchdowns as the Steelers put away the New York 31-20.
*Andrew Luck returns from a disappointing 2015 year with a vengeance, with all intentions of taking fewer hits and protecting his body, but signing up as an organ donor just in case.
Luck passes for 4,122 yards and 32 touchdowns and rushes for six touchdowns, as the Colts recpature the AFC South title win a 9-7 record.
*The Seahawks again lead the NFL in scoring defense, surrendering an average of 18.1 points per game. In the offseason, they also lead the league in defensive starters demanding a renegotiated contract, with 9.0.
*Miami's Arian Foster doesn't lead the Dolphins in any statistical categories, but he does lead the team in a hot yoga exercise class, an Eastern religion meditative breathing seminar, and a cooking class devoted to the wonders of tofu.
The Dolphins finish the season 8-8, four games behind the 12-4 Patriots, and Foster announces his retirement soon after, and begins his next journey as an inspirational acupuncturist. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/sport/126511/2016-nfl-predictions-part-2 | en | "2016-08-03T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/3b7a63f5850b4926c7ab569fc0cce4148d12978bda725ce87df5ab6bc4bb8cb9.json |
[
"Jung In The Jungle"
] | "2016-08-26T22:50:54" | null | "2016-08-25T22:15:00" | New species Hominid Trumploditis™ discovered in Rift Valley Africa : Another of the famed palaeontologists from the Leahkey dynasty has made another amazing discovery in the deserts of Africa today
As tradition dictates since they discovered it they own the naming rights and have decided to call it Hominid Trumpl | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fscience-technology%2F126717%2Fnew-species-hominid-trumploditis-discovered-in-rift-valley-africa.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/22816-2729-1471trumplodite_a.jpg | en | null | New species Hominid Trumploditis™ discovered in Rift Valley Africa | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Another of the famed palaeontologists from the Leahkey dynasty has made another amazing discovery in the deserts of Africa today.
As tradition dictates, since they discovered it they own the naming rights and have decided to call it Hominid Trumploditis™.
Its characteristics are similar to the Neanderthal but is much older, more primitive and squawked in more ape like sounds. It also lacked higher order logical skills and preferred to use bluster and grunting to communicate.
Other characteristics were it was not altruistic like other hominids and there was quite a bit of evidence even this early in the archeological dig program it ate its own children.
It was also highly narcissistic with a number found to have died from starvation from being transfixed by their own reflection in swamp water.
It appears as though it was also highly toxic to its local environment with a great deal of environmental degradation found at Trumploditis™ sites. In fact scientists think it may be able to trace the destruction of countless empires from the presence of the ugly critter.
There was very little evidence of large camp sites meaning it was incapable of large group socio-political organisation. Tools were all very primitive with little evidence of generational evolutionary progression.
Scientists are puzzled how genetic remnants have survived to this day when all indications are it failed in its own evolutionary time circa a million years ago.
There was also considerable archeological evidence of WMH (Weapons of Mass Hysteria) found in some of the bone based genetic analysis. Apparently hysteria was so common place amongst the species members it was actually encoded into their DNA. There are even specific hysteria feeding cells not found in other hominids though somewhat similar to addiction cells, potentially meaning not only did they feed off hysteria they were positively addicted to it.
Scientists says this correlates to the trail of empire destruction found at the several sites already excavated. "It is common scientific knowledge that mass hysteria is one of the socio-political, critical mass, triggers for empire failure", scientists confirmed. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/science-technology/126717/new-species-hominid-trumploditis-discovered-in-rift-valley-africa | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/8a7161b9c0910304c7ce82021f0a0a56fa5b1abeb0e1393e42ea1342e423272c.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-26T13:00:56" | null | "2016-08-20T03:51:40" | Expressing Regrets, Trump Hosts Party in Mexico : Playa del Carmen Mexico Donald J Trump visited Mexico today in his recent quest to express regrets over his comments about Mexicans Trump has consistently applied the term rapists to Mexicans who cross the border illegally into the United Sta | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126708%2Fexpressing-regrets-trump-hosts-party-in-mexico.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/20407-2749Mexican.jpg | en | null | Expressing Regrets, Trump Hosts Party in Mexico | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Playa del Carmen, Mexico -- Donald J. Trump visited Mexico today in his recent quest to express regrets over his comments about Mexicans. Trump has consistently applied the term "rapists" to Mexicans who cross the border illegally into the United States. In a post-Manafort pivot, where Trump is now Trump, Trump expressed his regrets by going directly to the Mexican people in their homeland.
Trump visited Cancun, Mexico, a resort town, to give his message. He arrived by helicopter with a tired and worn looking Chris Christie, the NJ governor whose continued absence in his state means he is no longer eligible to vote for President since he fails to meet the state's residency requirements. The pair came straight from a Washington, DC intelligence briefing.
While at a resort near Cancun, Trump announced to the all white crowd of American tourists his regrets about statements he made about Mexicans. Relying on a teleprompter, Trump stated, "Let me just say, I express regrets that I called you all rapists, it's not true, you know, well it is somewhat true, and drugs too, but let me just say I regret that you have such problems here."
Trump then carried on with his stump speech about the need for a wall that borders the two countries that Mexico will pay for, and finished with "Su casa es mi casa!"
A number of Mexicans, all paid staff of the resort, listened as they served drinks to the tourists. Some recorded the speech on their iPhones.
Going off script, Trump added, "I need to say this though, Mexicans are great people and I do regret saying all that stuff I said and causing personal pain, although it helped me speak to my base and win, but now I am not able to expand from that, which pains me greatly and I regret that."
At the end of the announcement, Trump called for drinks "on him" and a dance party ensued. Revelers wore sombreros and fake mustaches, distributed by the Trump campaign, and everyone received a name tag that said "!Hola! My name is Hay-sus."
At one point Christie fell asleep in a hammock just before someone broke out a piñata. Trump was blindfolded and given a large paddle to hit the piñata. Unfortunately, the blindfolded Trump smacked Christie on the buttocks, twice, and Christie woke up with a big yelp. Trump stated to the wounded Christie, "Is that you Chrissy? if you are going to sleep, get on that helicopter and get back to NJ, otherwise join the party."
Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, and three other swimmers, had arrived straight from Rio to the resort and partied throughout the night playing air guitar, peeing in the pool and behind a local gas station, and using their hands to simulate mock pistols to their heads. At one point Christie and the four drunken swimmers sang and performed a Mexican hat dance to a Spanish version of Springsteen's "Born to Run."
As the Mexican staff cleaned up, Trump remarked that "There is no place for blatant racism in America. Mexicans are hard workers, they do great work for me by the way, really great cleaning crew throughout the entire Trump organization."
The party ended with a chant, "Build that wall, build that wall."
The resort reported that Trump's staff left without paying the liquor bill. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126708/expressing-regrets-trump-hosts-party-in-mexico | en | "2016-08-20T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/cd69ef3b3e1e9544073265ebaf6826c8f7fcf23343aa4d95f078271a577cb5a7.json |
[
"Xrhonda Speaks"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:23" | null | "2016-08-30T16:02:42" | Lack Of Healthy Organ Donors Behind Push To Repeal Helmet Laws : The rate of accidental deaths in the EU is at an historical low for the last five years So low in fact that young and healthy donated organs are becoming hard to find and some organs are now extremely scarce in the UK and Germany
It may not see | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126714%2Flack-of-healthy-organ-donors-behind-push-to-repeal-helmet-laws.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/30816-5655-1472crazy-motorcycle-man-sm.jpg | en | null | Lack Of Healthy Organ Donors Behind Push To Repeal Helmet Laws | null | null | www.thespoof.com | The rate of accidental deaths in the EU is at an historical low for the last five years. So low in fact that young and healthy donated organs are becoming hard to find and some organs are now extremely scarce in the UK and Germany.
It may not seem like it when that crazy driver cuts you off on the roadway, but the rate of traffic accidents, one of the main sources for donated organs, is also at an all time low.
To help change things for patients waiting for donated organs, Junie Hardy, a scooter rider and political activist, is backing a referendum across the EU to repeal helmet laws and along the way she's been pitching the potential benefits of increased organ donation.
Hardy spoke to this reporter at her home in Garden Gilt Ridge, outside of Shackleberry, England.
"It's all about choice really," Hardy says. "We need to let those who wish to ride without head protection do so, and also acknowledge that they are increasing the potential pool of organ donors, in fact we should honor bicycle and motorcycle riders who go without a helmet for that reason."
"Because of the high accident rate and all of the shootings in the US, they have not faced as severe of a shortage of organs yet. We also see that twenty percent of organ donations in the US are motorcycle accident victims and it's only one percent in some parts of the EU. So the helmet law repeal shows a real promise of increasing the donor pool."
A growing movement with adherents calling themselves "Headers" is embracing helmet repeal laws in the EU. The Headers are supporting implied consent laws where any cycle rider without a helmet is presumed to already agree to donate their organs in case of their accidental death.
Though she was fighting off a back rub from George W. Bush, who was vacationing in Germany, Angela Merkel, Germany's Chancellor, still took time to talk to this reporter by phone about the proposed helmet repeal law.
"The Headers say it's all about their choice as to whether they wear a helmet or not, but the implied consent law could donate ones organs in the case of accidental death without the victim ever having made that choice."
Dr. Broner, spokesman for the BMA, pointed to the success of the presumed consent laws in Wales.
"Thousands of lives have been saved in Wales and the policy is being implemented across the UK. It's a sensible strategy to say if you do nothing it's assumed you are alright with organ donation in the event of your death. This will accomplish the same thing as the proposed implied consent for cyclists who don't wish to wear a helmet, but will cover everyone." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126714/lack-of-healthy-organ-donors-behind-push-to-repeal-helmet-laws | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/53805359a78b1a35bd3fa03cc43d1f093169a2c328f6115f0069effccb47bf9f.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T13:05:25" | null | "2016-08-02T19:35:36" | Shocking Discovery: Trump Actually Giant Puppet Operated by Spoiled Toddler : Many have been mystified by the behavior of 2016 Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump his temper tantrums nonexistent attention span lack of basic empathy inability to allow others attention or respect But it took behavioral scient | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126504%2Fshocking-discovery-trump-actually-giant-puppet-operated-by-spoiled-toddler.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/91206-1156BabyCry.jpg | en | null | Shocking Discovery: Trump Actually Giant Puppet Operated by Spoiled Toddler | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Many have been mystified by the behavior of 2016 Republican Presidential candidate, Donald Trump: his temper tantrums, nonexistent attention span, lack of basic empathy, inability to allow others attention or respect. But it took behavioral scientist, Dr. Amanda Patel, professor at U.C. Berkeley to put the pieces together.
"One day while setting some basic behavior boundaries for my two year old son, putting him in a time out for hitting the cat and then weathering his stormy reaction, all of a sudden I knew."
Dr. Patel looked closer at Trump's behavior on the campaign trail and cracked the mystery.
"There's too much toddler behavior here to be explained any other way: lying, yelling, hitting, and whining. This is not the behavior of an adult. Besides, how else do you explain that hair? That can't be real."
When asked to explain how a toddler has any popularity as a presidential candidate Patel chose to give two explanations.
"First, some people really wish they could be toddlers themselves. They see how Toddler Trump acts, and they feel liberated. We all know that fun feeling when someone gets to do what we wish we could do, like scream a lot. They then choose to believe in Toddler Trump's magical thinking. They are suddenly liberated from finding adult solutions to adult realities.
Second, another set of people feel parental towards Toddler Trump. Their parental instincts activate. They will forgive him anything. They don't want to upset their precious baby, by holding him to any sort of adult standards. They protectively stand with him against anyone who asks him to restrict his behavior in any way."
Patel admits she does not understand how the puppet works.
"Puppetry is not my area of expertise. I can't tell if the toddler sits inside the puppet or somehow operates it remotely.
And I have no idea where they got the child to operate it. Maybe Russia. Toddler Trump seems to really like Russia." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126504/shocking-discovery-trump-actually-giant-puppet-operated-by-spoiled-toddler | en | "2016-08-02T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/97dca61b00633c0b178beabfc5fa90ea1dee09430c6466308ce3a2d6ff317e7f.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-26T13:07:41" | null | "2016-08-11T03:03:00" | Bush Reality TV Show A Ratings Hit; 6 More Episodes of "In the Bushes" Released : Los Angeles LAThe Bush family reality TV show has become a smash hit with six more episodes released With two exPresidents one failed Presidential candidate one young Presidential wannabe and the wives who endure them Lifetime network now h | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126589%2Fbush-reality-tv-show-a-ratings-hit-6-more-episodes-of-in-the-bushes-released.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/21407-0531BushBlairMarriage.jpg | en | null | Bush Reality TV Show A Ratings Hit; 6 More Episodes of "In the Bushes" Released | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Los Angeles, LA--The Bush family reality TV show has become a smash hit with six more episodes released. With two ex-Presidents, one failed Presidential candidate, one young Presidential wannabe, and the wives who endure them, Lifetime network now has a hit show that is the likes of "Dallas" meets "Beverly Hillbillies".
The first six episodes concluded with George P. Bush ("Jr. Jeb") turning against his father and the Latino community to support Donald J. Trump. In turn, Jeb called his son a "mama's boy" and they are no longer on speaking terms.
In Episode 7, "Which Bush is Better", Twin Jenna Bush Babe reveals an Internet relationship with James Earl Carter IV, who famously found the devastating Romney "47 Percent" video. President Jimmy Carter guest stars and tries to end the relationship for his grandson. He introduces the twins to Levi Johnston, the baby daddy for Sarah Palin's grandchild. Levi keeps his eye (and something else) on both Bushes.
In Episode 8, "Trumps are More Cool", Barbara Bush Babe and Jenna Bush Babe party with Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton, to the chagrin of W and Jeb. Donald Jr. and Eric arrive without their wives. The Trump boys recently returned from the African bush, having killed leopards and elephants, and they compare their bush experiences with the twins.
In Episode 9, "Keep Jenna away from Justin, and Bill away from Jenna", Twin Jenna Bush Babe reveals a secret crush on Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The Bush family hosts a party and Trudeau appears, together with an overly friendly Bill Clinton. Condi Rice also guest stars. Ms. Rice is the only African American to have a speaking role on the show.
In Episode 10, "Let's go Hunting with Dick Cheney", features a crazy night out with Jeb and W as they try to figure out something fun to do. Tony Blair appears at the bar and the three discuss what it would be like to have to be married to each other. When W starts detailing wedding plans, W breaks into a huge giggling fit.
In Episode 11, "Pick a George, any George," the three Georges conspire to get a cabinet seat and purposely shut Jeb out of the conversation.
In Episode 12, "Musical Chairs", the Season One Finale, one old George celebrates a birthday, one drunk George vows to stop drinking again, one young George is welcomed back into the family, and Jeb complains his name isn't George. Meanwhile, birthday boy and wheelchair user H.W keeps winning at musical chairs as the entire Bush family looks on and laughs.
While the show has been renewed for a second season, sources close to the Bush Family (Jeb) say that Jeb is involved in a salary dispute. Lifetime would not confirm the dispute but noted that "Jeb is really a secondary character whose low energy does not bring much to the program." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126589/bush-reality-tv-show-a-ratings-hit-6-more-episodes-of-in-the-bushes-released | en | "2016-08-11T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/ebb843a1cfbff24b134cdf4e7707673fdbbdbe56f3cac425c579d9a99638c086.json |
[] | "2016-08-29T18:51:52" | null | "2016-08-04T11:29:58" | Monica For President Campaign Gathers Momentum : ONLY IN AMERICA The last few weeks have been tumultuous times for the two US presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump to say the least Both the Republican and Democratic Conventions were mired in controversy and featured an ar | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126521%2Fmonica-for-president-campaign-gathers-momentum.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | Monica For President Campaign Gathers Momentum | null | null | www.thespoof.com | ONLY IN AMERICA - The last few weeks have been tumultuous times for the two U.S. presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump - to say the least. Both the Republican and Democratic Conventions were mired in controversy and featured an array of speakers launching vicious hate attacks at their opposing candidates. The Republican Convention featured Ted Cruz, Trump's presidential primary opponent, being booed off stage when he didn't endorse Donald Trump. Not to be out done, the Democratic Convention, before it even started, offered the firing of its chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz after the Wikileaks DNC email release, which showed bias to Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders during the primaries.
The heated campaign rhetoric grew to a fever pitch this week. The Hillary camp, in so many words, called Trump a womanizing, philandering, racist bigot, Ruski rooting, Muslim maligning, baby beater. Trump countered with Hillary is crooked, lying, conniving, deceitful, corrupt, and sent from Hell. That's just what they said in public. God only knows what they say behind closed doors.
It's not surprising that most recent U.S. polls show nearly 60% of Americans have an unfavorable view of both candidates. Nearly half of Americans say they can't be trusted. Each candidate has more haters than supporters. If either one of these candidates wins in November, it has been said Americans will get the "booby" prize. Trump may already have a leg up on this one - with the nude photos of Melina Trump on two New York Post's covers showing her naked breasts.
Needless to say, the stage has been set for Americans desperate to find a viable third-party presidential alternative. It has been rumored that the little known Monica For President campaign has been slow to get started, but now has been revitalized.
For anyone who doesn't know who Monica is, they probably aren't old enough to vote or have been living on another planet. The details of the scandal are well known. A White House intern having sexual relations with then U.S. President Bill Clinton in the oval office. The lengthy and sexually graphic report from independent prosecutor Ken Starr. Clinton's own video testimony with the salacious cigar story. The blue dress with the president's DNA on it. The president's impeachment, and Bill Clinton's famous line, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
Not much has been written about Monica for the last 20 years since she left the limelight or low-light, as some have called it. However, in the last two years, Monica has reemerged into the public spotlight of her own choosing. She penned a major article for Vanity Fair magazine in June 2014 and was interviewed for a March 19, 2015, New York Times story entitled: "Monica Lewinsky Is Back, but This Time It's on Her Terms". Some have speculated this was the beginning of her run for the White House in 2016 - maybe her one last chance to finally stick it to Clintons, instead of the other way around.
Previously, it has been reported after the scandal, that Lewinsky knitted, made handbags, and was a pitchwoman for Jenny Craig, a well-known weight loss program. The New York Times says: "She has had a hard time finding employment." "Instead, she meditates, does therapy, hangs out with friends and volunteers." Although not stellar accomplishments or credentials for being president, unlike her other two presidential opponents, at least she voluntarily sought mental health treatment.
A inside source, close to the Monica For President campaign, said: "The campaign has been reenergized and gathering steam after the recent political mudslinging and American's utter distaste for the other two primary candidates." He added: "In comparison, Monica doesn't sound so bad after all". He also surmised: "With Monica's new campaign she will reemerge into the hearts and minds of Americans once again and she can easily beat Hillary." In bolstering his claim he offer the following.
Top Ten Reasons why Monica would make a better president than Hillary.
10. Experience: She has already logged more certified cockpit time behind the oval office desk that any other woman in U.S. history!
9. Knowledge: Intimately familiar with the hard part of a sitting president.
8. Tenacity: Knows how to handle a big load under fire.
7. Illumination: She answers Bill Clinton's inexplicable question what "is" is.
6. Perseverance: Sucks it up when things get hard.
5. Fair Trade: She will open the front door to Cuban cigars.
4. Dress For Success: Isn't afraid of wearing something other than a pant suit or making a mess in a dress.
3. Equal Opportunity Employment: Female White House interns won't be hired just because they look like Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie McDonald or Helen Thomas.
2. Sexual Discrimination: Saves the nation from the humiliation of seeing a once virile man relegated to the position of house husband.
1. Laureate: Finally a person in the White House who actually is the "Piece" prize. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126521/monica-for-president-campaign-gathers-momentum | en | "2016-08-04T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/d95f9725cc7e4003d56ef3f8c68caaccface91e511e7d6c6b06ad6fdae2c41cf.json |
[
"Nicholas Renteria"
] | "2016-08-26T13:06:39" | null | "2016-08-02T18:03:58" | Melissa McCarthy denies "crazy rumors" that she is actually Chris Farley : The entertainment industry is notorious for spawning theories about deceased stars For instance Tupac Shakur is said by some to be alive and well despite his high profile murder in the late nineties
The latest theory surrounds Chris Farley and | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fentertainment-gossip%2F126494%2Fmelissa-mccarthy-denies-crazy-rumors-that-she-is-actually-chris-farley.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | Melissa McCarthy denies "crazy rumors" that she is actually Chris Farley | null | null | www.thespoof.com | The entertainment industry is notorious for spawning theories about deceased stars. For instance, Tupac Shakur is said by some to be alive and well despite his high profile murder in the late nineties.
The latest theory surrounds Chris Farley and the star of the recent "Ghostbusters" remake, Melissa McCarthy.
Many Twitter users, and even recent tabloid blurbs, have been speculating that actor Chris Farley, who was reported in 1997 to have died from a drug overdose, in fact never passed. Not only that, but internet theorists say Farley's acting career is flourishing.
How has Farley continued acting without more notice? And what does any of this have to do with McCarthy?
According to speculators, Farley faked his death in 1997 so he could reinvent himself as a more respectable female comedian, and thus had a clandestine sex change operation and changed his name to Melissa McCarthy.
Before Farley's alleged death, he had expressed regret that his comedy was perceived as nothing more than "fatty-fall-down" humor. Propagators of the sex change rumors cite this fact as evidence, as well as McCarthy's more clever and less slapstick breakout role as Sookie St. James on the television show "Gilmore Girls" three years after Farley's death.
"Imagine the impact that a role on 'Gilmore Girls' would have had on Chris Farley's career," says Ben Harrington, writer for The National Enquirer. "He would have killed for the opportunity to portray a character like Sookie. Did Sookie ever have to break a table with her back for a laugh?"
According to Harrington, the identity of 'Melissa McCarthy' allowed Farley a brief respite from the roles he was being typecast into. "Unfortunately," says Harrington, "the reinvention was short-lived, and now we can see McCarthy being thrown around an alley by a over-charged laser beam in 'Ghostbusters' just like Farley used to do."
Known of late for her outlandish characters and use of physical comedy, McCarthy has responded to the rumors on her Twitter account, calling them "crazy" and "completely unfounded."
She dismisses the similarities of physical appearance, Irish Catholic upbringing, and especially comedic style.
"If you think I do the same comedy as Chris Farley," McCarthy Tweeted, "go watch Tommy Boy and Tammy back to back."
McCarthy later Tweeted, "You know what, not Tammy. Maybe Identity Thief, or Spy. Or just watch Gilmore Girls. Yeah, stick to Gilmore Girls."
There have also been speculations that the Farley-sex-change rumors are what caused the "Gilmore Girls" reboot to snub McCarthy entirely, leaving her conspicuously out of the project despite her recent career successes. The show's creator could not be reached for comment. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/entertainment-gossip/126494/melissa-mccarthy-denies-crazy-rumors-that-she-is-actually-chris-farley | en | "2016-08-02T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/a528bf9999a01e4b68fe1b3e085853a8c516487fc1001c4ebc8c0ff2da43470f.json |
[
"Michael Balton"
] | "2016-08-26T12:50:16" | null | "2016-08-14T19:27:31" | Forget the Debates. Let's Find Out Who's the Best Liar : New York City Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have agreed to cancel their upcoming debate schedule Instead they will square off in a competition designed to determine who among them is the best liar
Being able to t | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126645%2Fforget-the-debates-lets-find-out-whos-the-best-liar.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/27415-4334-1430Hillary-salute-2_a.jpg | en | null | Forget the Debates. Let's Find Out Who's the Best Liar | null | null | www.thespoof.com | New York City - - Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have agreed to cancel their upcoming debate schedule. Instead they will square off in a competition designed to determine who among them is the best liar.
"Being able to tell a mistruth is in my opinion the most important skill a chief executive can have," said Clinton. " In fact I think it's safe to say that the president of the United States spends most of his day stumbling from one lie to another. This competition is going to simulate that evasive journey. And it will tell the world once and for all which of us is the true dean of deceit."
Donald Trump agreed. "Lying is at the heart of every deal ever made. You can't have a deal, if you eliminate lying. The truth is boring. The truth is annoying. The truth is for losers. That's why I took up professional lying at an early age. I have huge potential when it comes to making up things out of thin air. I am a world-class liar and this competition will prove it for the whole world to see."
The Democratic candidate made similar claims and pointed out that Trump has been calling her "crooked Hillary" from the very beginning of the presidential campaign.
"Calling someone Crooked Hillary is not chopped liver my friends," Clinton said. "It is a mark of honor. He tells the world that I can successfully maneuver through a sea of mistaken integrity and hook myself a whopper whenever I need one."
Trump immediately denied calling Clinton crooked Hillary. Reporters countered by playing clips of him using the term. He came back by saying he was "just being ironic."
"I'm not sure what ironic means but it has something to do with half truths which I eat whole."
Clinton countered by addressing a concern of the press. "Having a fib off instead of a debate takes the heat off you reporters as well. You can stop worrying about which of us has the most integrity. The answer is neither, none, zero, forget about it."
The fibbing face-off will take the form of a television quiz show, presenting categories such as impropaganda, Cheat to eat. You say potato, I say you're a liar. And fake the nation.
For safety reasons, contestants will be issued fireproof pants. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126645/forget-the-debates-lets-find-out-whos-the-best-liar | en | "2016-08-14T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/0ae56611ea8e6965131114026ef802bb4ffef3949acb3ac9d83b6174dfd3880d.json |
[
"Samuel Vargo"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:21" | null | "2016-08-05T15:37:21" | How to make it big in the music biz these days : So you want to make millions of dollars writing songs recording these little ditties and performing them in front of soldout audiences right
The first order of business is Do you need any talent Hell no you dont Its not like the old day | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fentertainment-gossip%2F126537%2Fhow-to-make-it-big-in-the-music-biz-these-days.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/131206-3650Crowd.jpg | en | null | How to make it big in the music biz these days | null | null | www.thespoof.com | So you want to make millions of dollars writing songs, recording these little ditties, and performing them in front of sold-out audiences, right?
The first order of business is: Do you need any talent? Hell no, you don't. It's not like the old days when you had to write and record a melodic, lyrical masterpiece like "Blue Sky" by the Allman Brothers or "Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen to have the music industry take you seriously. All you need is a guy whose voice sounds like the timbre of Satan and have it overshadowed by a vulture swarm of percussion, a driving and thumping bass reverberating like trees hitting the ground at a lumber camp in Alberta, and three or four guys on electric guitars who play two chords each with some semblance of musical havoc, and Walla, you've got it, bro.
Do you need a lot of expensive equipment and a talent agent? Hell no. All you need to do is go down to your local airport or bus station and make them an offer on that old sound system they used to use back in the '60's to make announcements throughout the vacuous, amorphous structure. Make them an offer they can't refuse. Chances are, they keep all that sound gear in the basement of the building. It hasn't been used in eons, and it's taking up the space they want to now earmark for the outdated computer system they just ditched. Just tell these business types that you'll be happy to take that crappy old monstrosity off their hands for twenty bucks. And if they look desperate and pleading, just throw a ten dollar bill their way.
"Me and my boys will haul that junky old piece of shit away for you for a nominal fee. We're philanthropists who don't have a lot of cash, but we love to offer our backs to those in need of heavy manual labor. The good ole' days of the chain gangs are gone, you see….You'll never be bothered by those horrific amplifiers and speakers, again, Pharaoh" is all you need to tell the airline director or the president of the transit authority.
And get it straight: Heavy metal has changed a lot over the years. The kind of music that Ozzie Osbourne and Black Sabbath cranked out in the early 70's will never fly today. It just isn't dark nor is it decadent enough. Alice in Chains? Never heard of her! Eddie Vedder? Wasn't he the vampire in The Silence of the Lambs?
No, you don't need to study the old masters of rock, alternative, punk or heavy metal music to sell platinum YouTube videos these days. You just need a guy or a woman with a very strange voice who can scream, mumble, pontificate with inaudible clatters, and make sounds with their mouth and tongue that reverberates and boomerangs like it came from the butt of a really obese person caught in the middle of a bowel movement.
Get somebody who looks strange, too. The days of painting your face black and white and acting sort of weird just won't fly these days. The gimmicks KISS used back in the 70's have been replaced by somebody who looks and acts like he or she is possessed by a werewolf or a harpy when they are being interviewed on a YouTube video. Having a long tongue and sticking it out and moving it around worked for Old What's His Name, but you've got to have band members who do things that Frankenstein or Dracula would do - the ante's been upped, bro.
And if you look at this person as they are talking on that particular computerized medium and say to yourself, "I wouldn't want to be within five hundred miles of that viperous devil worshipper," well then, you have your lead singer and front man.
Of course, discovering someone who can fit the bill can be a hard sell. Go out to soup kitchens, tent cities, and county jails - even penitentiaries - to find someone to lead your band who looks extremely evil, corrupted, criminal, and strange. If you find a worthy candidate, ask him to spit on you. If the phlegm he regurgitates from his throat looks green and yellow and has purple and red spots throughout its consistency, that's your guy. Yeppers, your lead man or vampirish Go-Go singer just passed the litmus test.
Lyrics of old used to be catchy, cute, funny, or somewhat romantic.
Even the legendary punk band Green Day all look like they're either possessed by some demonic force or are on some really nifty narcotics; but their lyrics were astounding. Ever heard that collection of songs on their CD Dookie? Those lyrics could have found a home in a literary magazine, without any guitars, basses, or drums to fortify them. Far from a boy band, Green Day cranked out lyrics that Shakespeare couldn't match.
No need to worry, though, if you and your band mates can't write the poetic verse of Gordon Lightfoot or Geoffrey Chaucer.
Keep in mind you'll be writing lyrics and recording songs for a legion of guys at a gym who are all pumped up on steroids, are as hot-tempered as pit-fighting dogs, and have more tattoos on their bodies than there are illustrations in one of those outdated encyclopedias your grandmother keeps on a shelf down in her cellar.
So write songs about hate. Write them about how badly you want to kill or maim someone. Write a song about shooting people with shotguns or machine guns. Write a song about going out with a nice young lady and sodomizing her. You'll go platinum with your CD two weeks after it hits Amazon. com!
Remember, appearance and presentation are everything in today's music world. It's more important to look bad than to sound bad. But you want to find your band guilty on both counts: Looking and sounding terrible, that is. Never be satisfied with your band and its work being "okay".
And you never, ever, want to sound or appear good.
And also keep in mind that even though you might have the Men in Black pounding at your door at three in the wee concerning some mass riot one of your songs allegedly caused last night in downtown Albuquerque earlier that evening, you'll have millions in your bank account to hire the best legal team that money can buy. After all, it worked for O.J., right? Who's she? Never heard of her, you may say. Well, kiddo, go online and call up "The Medieval Dark Ages of American History" and you'll surely find him there.
Hey, if O.J. is released from prison soon, he might be a good lead man. Write him. The same sort of rigamarole chronicled above also works for rap and hip-hop. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/entertainment-gossip/126537/how-to-make-it-big-in-the-music-biz-these-days | en | "2016-08-05T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/450e79bf6fa302d559f2f3b2f20a733b1687c09432b0c296a3a68d10ce0f7fca.json |
[
"Harry Klondike"
] | "2016-08-26T13:00:04" | null | "2016-07-30T23:00:33" | Hillary Sex Tape to Be Leaked! : Amid the torrent of DNC document leaks there is one potential bomb that could derail Hillarys White House dreams for good A Russian man who would not give his name for the interview said he was in possession of the tape and ready to release it t | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126487%2Fhillary-sex-tape-to-be-leaked.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/23716-3449-1469hillary-clinton-old-hag-sm.jpg | en | null | Hillary Sex Tape to Be Leaked! | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Amid the torrent of DNC document leaks there is one potential bomb that could derail Hillary's White House dreams for good. A Russian man who would not give his name for the interview, said he was in possession of the tape and ready to release it to the world.
In his broken, heavily accented English he said:
"I have tape, First Lady Hillary when husband was President. It is on the VHS large cartridge. I have find VCR machine to play cartridge. It was filth! She use tongue on the rectum of Janet Reno. She is worse than the German sex pervert! I thought only the German do such thing. I vomit and vomit all expensive Vodka I have for breakfast!"
Someone working in Hillary's camp simply said: "Does she look like the one to do the ass licking in any relationship, professional or otherwise?"
Donald Trump said at a recent rally- "Hillary! Poor, poor Hillary.... I feel bad, I do. She tries so hard, such a busy beaver she really is... but she's so, so perverted- I mean she has major , major issues folks OK. Do you really want that kind of sexual deviant in the White House. Talk about lack of judgment- (he then holds up a picture of Janet Reno) I mean look at the choices she's made... look at that face! Although from what I hear, and I have sources folks, believe me, I have sources- she wasn't kissing her face, so I dunno...."
Tape or no tape this is already shaping up to be the most entertaining election America has ever had. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126487/hillary-sex-tape-to-be-leaked | en | "2016-07-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/552906d2e57dd1495ff2c4f2cb9833c5ab5319feed6cbed5372739ac07f50406.json |
[
"Jung In The Jungle"
] | "2016-08-29T18:52:00" | null | "2016-08-29T01:59:48" | Kirk gives the Trumphole™ a Cooper-Cruncher™ and it retreats back to its Trump-Death-Star-Fox-Hole™ : The Trumpholetrade emerged from its cluster of death stars to launch a surpirse attack on planetary media outlets only to be roundly whipped by Kirks CooperCrunchertrade It appears as though it has retreated into its TrumpDeathStarFoxHole | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fscience-technology%2F126742%2Fkirk-gives-the-trumphole-a-cooper-cruncher-and-it-retreats-back-to-its-trump-death-star-fox-hole.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/27816-3619-1472trump foxhole_a.jpg | en | null | Kirk gives the Trumphole™ a Cooper-Cruncher™ and it retreats back to its Trump-Death-Star-Fox-Hole™ | null | null | www.thespoof.com | The Trumphole™ emerged from its cluster of death stars to launch a surpirse attack on planetary media outlets only to be roundly whipped by Kirks Cooper-Cruncher™. It appears as though it has retreated into its Trump-Death-Star-Fox-Hole™ protected by its army of Fox-Death-Stars™.
After mounting a sneak attack following the diplomatic meeting The Trumphole mounted a surprise WMH attack on mainstream media machines.
Apparently this time, unlike the Australian attack, though the outcome was far from effective. Death Star weapons designers it appears have underestimated how dumb the antipodean gummy bears islanders are. They have applied the same weapon against the continents only to be Cooper-Crunched™.
Spock has urged Kirk to take the strategic advantage and surround the Trump-Death-Star-Fox-Hole™ army and use the same JFK Cuba blockade move. However he doesn't enough ships at this stage and will be seeking further funding form Earth Leaders at the next strategic conference.
A further interesting link with Butt-Babies™ has been made by Fox Mulder after his investigation of Kim Kardashians ever expanding butt. He now believes there are firm links with the alien source of Butt-Babies™ and Trumpholes™ and Trumploditis™ and will take his findings to the USS Enterprise in the coming days.
He was unable to give any further disclosures at this time without risking earths defence fleet. Though when speaking to this reporter in his office in the basement, as he leaned back in his chair he mused this was far bigger than the smoking dude, and would be the biggest challenge he and Scully had ever faced.
"This goes well beyond a few decaying alien cadavers and some cinematic effects", he cautioned. He was looking forward to his discussions with Spock in particular as he had always been a Spock fan and could leverage his pan-dimensional expertise in pulling together the bigger picture of what was the actual alien conspiracy going down here. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/science-technology/126742/kirk-gives-the-trumphole-a-cooper-cruncher-and-it-retreats-back-to-its-trump-death-star-fox-hole | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/e91514eb99d7d955c41401eecfde345588815a9f3c3a0e67b5de90ebe113fcf4.json |
[] | "2016-08-30T22:52:20" | null | "2016-08-05T05:32:46" | Donald Trump: You're Promoted! : After his resounding success as the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump moves on to bigger and better things He renounces his candidacy as of Monday August 8th
Smart people know I dont waste time Ive been the Republican Can | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126534%2Fdonald-trump-youre-promoted.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/8207-3956Crown.jpg | en | null | Donald Trump: You're Promoted! | null | null | www.thespoof.com | After his resounding success as the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump moves on to bigger and better things. He renounces his candidacy as of Monday, August 8th.
"Smart people know I don't waste time. I've been the Republican Candidate for ages now. I'm bigger than this."
When asked what position is more powerful than President of the United States, Trump responded:
"Emperor of the World."
When asked to explain that, he added:
"I don't sweat details. My people are handling it. It will happen so fast. Believe me."
Interviews with anonymous sources close to Trump illuminated details. Trump will immediately fly to a secluded tropical island where workers are erecting a 200 foot gold statue of Trump and establishing a "command center" for world command. Contractors will complete a golf course shortly.
From there the story gets more interesting. It involves a cast of thousands.
Four unnamed Hollywood directors, along with supporting movie crew staff stand poised on 24 hour rotations to bring realistic worldwide live feeds to this command center, indefinitely. Over 121 world leaders have agreed to be available to play out scenarios on live camera as requested. They will also maintain twitter contact. Hundreds of A-list and other celebrities stand by to visit regularly and attend parties and listen in adoration. Again, they will also keep contact via twitter.
Who is financing this enterprise?
The electronic trail proves hard to follow. One solid trail leads to GOP backed sources. However, infinite thumbprints indicate other sources in play including: the Democratic Party, billionaires protecting investments, multiple large Asian trade nations, countless other foreign powers wary of unpredictability, past business partners, and even weary close family members and demoralized campaign staff.
"It seems a small cost to pay for the chaos avoided," one anonymous donor admitted. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126534/donald-trump-youre-promoted | en | "2016-08-05T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/7967181ad4063182165d7676d4f6435814a99a4db987a881a6eebf496ca38db8.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T13:01:57" | null | "2016-08-05T19:25:31" | Trump admits he'd have dated his mother if she hadn't been, you know, his mother : Denver Co In an effort to deflect the negative press hes been getting the past few weeks Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stated this week that his mother Mary Anne Trump who passed away in 2000 at the age of 88 was such a good | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126538%2Ftrump-admits-hed-have-dated-his-mother-if-she-hadnt-been-you-know-his-mother.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/5816-3408-1470t_a.jpg | en | null | Trump admits he'd have dated his mother if she hadn't been, you know, his mother | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Denver, Co. - In an effort to deflect the negative press he's been getting the past few weeks, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stated this week that his mother, Mary Anne Trump, who passed away in 2000 at the age of 88, was such a good looking woman that he would've dated her himself had he not been, well, her son.
Mr. Trump has received a great deal of grief for comments he has made regarding his daughter, Ivanka, commenting on several occasions that she was so attractive that he'd date her himself.
Some people inside the Trump campaign reportedly tried to dissuade Mr. Trump from entering into such a conversation regarding his mother. Yet again, however, the Republican candidate seems to have ignored his advisors' words of wisdom.
Said Trump at a Denver fundraising dinner, "So I liked the way Mom bent over? I'm not afraid to admit it."
When it was pointed out to the candidate that Mrs. Trump had walked with a bent back due to osteoporosis, Trump said, "Well, then I'm glad she laid off the milk." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126538/trump-admits-hed-have-dated-his-mother-if-she-hadnt-been-you-know-his-mother | en | "2016-08-05T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/7b1d87a58178fece5d60515e47e709a5856511291670b556dc5c88df97136db7.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-26T13:08:21" | null | "2016-08-01T18:05:45" | Trump Hears from God While Trapped on Elevator : Colorado Springs CO Donald Trump claimed in his stump speech that he heard a message from God while trapped on an elevator just before a rally in Colorado Springs
You know he stated I need to say it I shouldnt but okay I will I was t | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126495%2Ftrump-hears-from-god-while-trapped-on-elevator.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/41206-3804God.jpg | en | null | Trump Hears from God While Trapped on Elevator | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Colorado Springs, CO: Donald Trump claimed in his stump speech that he heard a message from God while trapped on an elevator just before a rally in Colorado Springs.
"You know," he stated, "I need to say it, I shouldn't, but okay I will. I was trapped on the elevator just moments before, and, I know what you are saying, but I heard him, I did, I heard Him, and more than ever I believe I am the chosen one to lead America."
The crowd chanted "Trump, Trump" and Trump carried on with his usual stump speech without further comment on the matter. After the rally reporters pressed Trump about his experience with God.
"Believe me when I say it, the message was loud and clear. He told me that the unborn should be protected but that it is equally important for a woman to not let her body be controlled by man. He told me that killing another is wrong but that as important is an eye for an eye."
Before reporters could ask questions, Trump continued: "He told me that I will be the best jobs creation President ever when and if more job creation is needed. Finally, he told me that the U.S. capital should be relocated from D.C. to New York City and that Trump Tower should be the center, the center, of the U.S. government, because, believe me, my buildings are more fire resistant and have safer elevators."
"His expressed words", continued Trump, "were for me to "Go back to Trump Tower and instead continue to lead my people and create jobs up there!"
Immediately after the press conference, the Trump Campaign acknowledged a "misunderstanding" and stated that Mr. Trump did not hear the reporter's question correctly. The reporter has since been expelled from future press conferences. Trump explained that he was simply using sarcasm to make a point.
"Mr. Trump misunderstood and was just using sarcasm to express his opposition to abortion, his approval of capital punishment, and to discuss jobs creation and the benefits of Trump Tower," said Campaign Chairman Paul Manafort, "to interpret otherwise is ridiculous."
Manafort continued, "While trapped, Mr. Trump actually heard the voice of the Colorado Springs Fire Marshall who was pretending to be God on the elevator speaker phone. Mr. Trump figured out this ruse immediately. The Fire Marshall and Crooked Hillary, using a DNC script, pre-planned the elevator malfunction. By the way, Secretary Clinton believes God is a woman and on her side. What a joke."
On Twitter, Clinton wrote: "Let's hope God is a woman, a minority woman at that. Then I would have a 98% chance of securing Her vote. LOL #(thank)God4Hillary #Stick2EscalatorsDonald #ClearHisBlackSoul - H" | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126495/trump-hears-from-god-while-trapped-on-elevator | en | "2016-08-01T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/1a63e062ead8fedc253982578969e7765f4898ffa2e11ef7e3d2e00331834d47.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:48" | null | "2016-08-28T19:00:46" | Obama Admits Birthers Got It Right, Italians Celebrate : Washington DC In what pundits are calling Birthers of a Nation President Barack Obama today acknowledged that perhaps he was born outside the United States to foreign parents and therefore did not qualify to become President It was a stunnin | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126748%2Fobama-admits-birthers-got-it-right-italians-celebrate.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/9507-2849Colliseum.jpg | en | null | Obama Admits Birthers Got It Right, Italians Celebrate | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Washington, DC - In what pundits are calling "Birthers of a Nation," President Barack Obama today acknowledged that "perhaps" he was born outside the United States to foreign parents and therefore did not qualify to become President. It was a stunning admission during a Rose Garden news conference preceded by a multi-cultural celebration.
Wearing a green, red and white striped tie, Obama stated to his wife and two girls, "You have a right to know our true family heritage and you will hear it from me first."
The disclosure came after Julian Assange of Wikileaks stated that he has possession of Obama's real birth certificate. The certificate shows that Obama was actually born near Rome, and that his true birth name is "Bartolomeo Horatio Obama." President Obama chose to get ahead of the possible scandal with his own personal announcement.
"Contrary to what I believed, I have learned recently that I am not a black man, I have no African heritage. I am not the first elected black President, I am instead the first elected Italian President." Reporters gasped as bottles of red wine were promptly served.
For the remainder of the evening, Italian music was played. Pasta, ravioli, meatballs, zepoles and cannolis were served. Obama sang "Besame Mucho" and a Frank Sinatra impersonator capped the celebration, starting with "Chicago," and ending with "My Way."
In his final comments, Obama stated with a broad smile, "Grazie, thank you, all of yous, finalmente! So gooda to feela so free in America!"
Experts are unsure whether Obama will be required to step down. Obama gave no indication that he will resign, and the impeachment process will take longer to complete than what little time remains in Obama's second term.
Some legal scholars suggest that the Supreme Court should step in, opening the door for Vice President Joe Biden to complete Obama's term as President. But the evenly split current court without Justice Scalia would mean that no action would likely be taken.
Members of the "Birther Movement" believe there is more to this story. Birthers are now implying that Scalia was murdered as a cover up, once Scalia figured out Obama's Italian heritage. They believe Obama, finally loosening up, exposed his true Italian accent to Scalia over a couple of glasses of Chianti.
GOP presidential candidate Donald J. Trump quickly repeated the rumors, stating that Obama and Hillary Clinton might have something "very major" to do with Scalia's death.
Meanwhile Italian-Americans and citizens of Italy celebrated the news with festivals planned. Italian-Americans are now discussing an appropriate day for a new Federal holiday, and debating which streets and buildings should be named after Obama.
More confusion stirred, however, at midnight, when Obama tweeted: "Justa kidding. You seriously want a President who embraces rumors and scandals? See what happens? Even fooled Trump! I thought he gets SARCASM! -- POTUS 'Bart'" | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126748/obama-admits-birthers-got-it-right-italians-celebrate | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/6a4c61e1d3d52f004a36854a79ab2b014b21ed42f56a4f454d3a8b7121e7ae6a.json |
[
"Joseph K Winter"
] | "2016-08-26T13:02:49" | null | "2016-08-22T00:11:32" | Girls on Cannes beach arrested for covering up too much : Arrested for trop dhabits too much attire the teenagers were wearing bathing suits from the 1950s their grandmothers time
They put on these old bathing suits for fun and were actually relieved that men were not always staring you kno | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126721%2Fgirls-on-cannes-beach-arrested-for-covering-up-too-much.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/22207-1030Women.jpg | en | null | Girls on Cannes beach arrested for covering up too much | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Arrested for trop d'habits ("too much attire"), the teenagers were wearing bathing suits from the 1950's, their grandmothers' time.
They put on these old bathing suits "for fun" and were actually relieved that men were not always "staring, you know, where they stare."
But, according to new rules from Cannes, these old-style bathing costumes are "hostile to diversity and women's emancipation."
This is the same language used for the current ban on burqinis.
A spokesperson for the mayor's office, Ms. Rebecca Verslebas, explained the dynamics re these beach costumes were similar in the 1950's.
"Not modesty, no," she explained. "Women of that era wanted to go scanty just as we have done today, and will continue to do."
That is, according to Ms. Verslebas, female consensus today (and this is not groupthink, she cautioned) is the right to do scanty whenever and wherever.
She approved of recent internet demonstration with three teenage girls posing with string tops only, in a moon-over-my-hammy moment at Lake House Getaway in the USA.
There is some confusion in the male mind, she asserted, as to the intent of women's freedom in pursuing scanty.
"We do not wish to dangle ourselves like an ice cream cone to be gobbled," she said. "The issue is choice--to show ourselves if we wish."
But suppose a woman prefers to avoid scanty toward what she considers more modest?
"Brainwashed."
However, Dr. Roland Versafondre, of Princeton University's Studies in Scanty, has weighed in with some caution:
"So far we are not showing male boredom as a problem with scanty, nor significant drop in arousal and fluid levels.
"However, the Le Trop Mince syndrome (showing too much) could reverse toward a little more covering as more evocative."
Ms. Verslebas rejoined: "Entirely misses the point! We are not scanty to be evocative. This is who we are!"
A silence.
"Besides that," Ms. Verslebas continued, "with upcoming contests any training ideas are appreciated."
"Contests?"
"Miss M & M, Miss More and Miss Most, Miss Bigger and Better, and Miss Ultimately Beddable."
"I see."
"Nothing sleazy." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126721/girls-on-cannes-beach-arrested-for-covering-up-too-much | en | "2016-08-22T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/d17c4e787d41c3ed0609044711c0c7870412919f49ef3886a3d1d7eb85ff0bec.json |
[
"Jung In The Jungle"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:50" | null | "2016-08-29T02:16:48" | Fox Mulder suspicious Trumploditis™ is an alien - opens an X-file : After seeing early pictures of Hominid Trumploditistrade Mulder and Scully have had the cadarva sent to them for an identification autopsy
They are now investigating the origins of the grotesque monster said to be over a million years old As | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fscience-technology%2F126734%2Ffox-mulder-suspicious-trumploditis-is-an-alien-opens-an-x-file.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/24816-2803-1472mulder scully alien.jpg | en | null | Fox Mulder suspicious Trumploditis™ is an alien - opens an X-file | null | null | www.thespoof.com | After seeing early pictures of Hominid Trumploditis™ Mulder and Scully have had the cadarva sent to them for an identification autopsy.
They are now investigating the origins of the grotesque monster said to be over a million years old. As can be seen from the autopsy picture it certainly is a grotesque creature and markedly alien in its biology.
"Early results indicate it is clearly alien and we have contacted the Leahkey dynasty to discuss the naming accuracy as we think it looks more like a Alienoideas than a Hominid derivative to me", Scully remarked to waiting press.
Mulder, of course given such extensive experience in X-Files, can see the government wide conspiracy playing out and is aggregating his findings. He believes it is far to coincidental that the Trumpholes™, Butt-Babies™ and now Trumploditis™ have appeared at the same time.
He has obtained a piece of the recently discovered Trumperium™ and will be taking it with him when he meets with Kirk and Spock to discuss their autopsy findings. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/science-technology/126734/fox-mulder-suspicious-trumploditis-is-an-alien-opens-an-x-file | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/993cb69428108cd434bf33b5862e17eb9182340ceb61c6abfa6af426552b9c12.json |
[
"Samuel Vargo"
] | "2016-08-29T18:52:03" | null | "2016-08-03T22:49:13" | Bedlam blasts all over a Donald Trump rally at Sam Houston Race Course : Donald Trump was the last to show up at his convention in Texas yesterday where he wailed and railed about Latino people calling them a number of vile and racist names He also threw some racist rhetoric at one of the favorite sons of Texas Ted Cr | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126519%2Fbedlam-blasts-all-over-a-donald-trump-rally-at-sam-houston-race-course.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/4416-0412-1459trump-nuclear-winter-sm.jpg | en | null | Bedlam blasts all over a Donald Trump rally at Sam Houston Race Course | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Donald Trump was the last to show up at his convention in Texas yesterday, where he wailed and railed about Latino people, calling them a number of vile and racist names. He also threw some racist rhetoric at one of the favorite sons of Texas, Ted Cruz, a U.S. Senator from the Great Lone Star State, screaming that Cruz sailed into Washingon D.C. on a banana boat.
Some nubile and pretty young ladies - most likely in their late 20's or early 30's - were in the front row brandishing signs that read: "Let's Make America Almost as Good as Texas Again!".
"Ha ha ha. I love that sign," Trump shouted as he took the stage, giving the pretty ladies his big 'thumb's up sign;. "Those young girls. Do you think they want to have anything to do with a guy like me? Of course they do, I'm a billionaire," Trump told a standing-room-only audience at the amphitheater of Sam Houston Race Park, located in an unincorporated area of northwestern Houston. Some attendees weathered chilly temperatures since the previous night for the event, slated to start at 7 p.m. But Trump made his entry at 10:35 p.m.
Trump had an expensive sharkskin suit jacket draped over his left shoulder as he spoke for three hours in front of a crowd of about 5,000 people. A crowd of protesters - all from Minnesota - crashed the event and Trump supporters kicked them, shoved them, and even tried to set on fire an elderly lady wearing a tee-shirt that screamed in bleeding crimson on a jet-black fabric: DUMP TRUMP! HE'S THE GRAND CYCLOPS OF THE KU KLUX KLAN!
The amphitheater sits alongside the race park and the last live act that played there - about a month ago - was Going to a Go-Go, which is an all-girl cover band that only sings songs made popular by The Go-Go's, a pop outfit from the '80's. And Sam Houston Race Track's management team also paid this cover band handsomely to entertain the audience until The Donald made his appearance on stage.
Going to a Go-Go played four songs only, but they played these songs over and over again for five hours straight.
Going to a Go Go is comprised of obese, snaggle-toothed, tone-deaf metrosexuals.
"Who in the hell are the Go-Go's?" Trump screamed to the audience during a lull. "I think I must've banged all of them at one time or another."
Meantime, there was absolute havoc inside the amphitheater. Cacophonous cries sounding like rebel yells shook the seats and the amphitheater walls.
"Trump sucks! He's a Yankee weasel!"
"Trump's a pinko, orange-colored pig and a blonde-haired, toupee-ridden prototype of the Orange Race!"
"We want Ted! We want Ted! We want Ted!"
"Vote for Ted Nugent as leader of the Free World!"
"Ted rocks! Ted rules!"
"Trump's not even human! He's made out of orange juice and orange marmalade!"
"Trump's wife is a mule!"
"Trump's wife is a concubine!"
"Trump's wife is a porcupine! Is this country ready to have such an amphibian as a First Lady?"
"Trump bought his hair at a delicatessen!"
"Dump Trump or forever hold your piece! I've got my trusty old .44 magnum right in my right pocket over hey're. Trump's a lily-slivered pinko faggot!"
"Mr. Trump, if I hear you say 'You're fired' again, well …. Can you spare me a couple dollars until my crazy check from Social Security bounces into my checking account?"
- Anyhow, these were a few of the cries and jeers this reporter heard as he was covering this event for The Spoof. I had an unlimited expense account, and believe it or not, Lone Star longnecks were the festivity's favorite beverage.
And as I guzzled down the elixir from the best Texas had to offer, Donald Trump's bodyguards descended on the troublemaking Minnesotans and hit them with crowbars and baseball bats.
From the podium, Trump said, "Let 'em have it, boys. They're all dressed up like Klansmen from the Klondike! Show them what happens to troublemakers!"
An elderly widow who was hit over the head with a large crowbar crawled out of the amphitheater on her hands and knees. Bleeding badly, she was quickly transported via helicopter ambulance to a nearby hospital that is a top-notch trauma center. She wore a sweater with a butterfly on its front. At press time, there was no word on her condition. A hospital spokesperson said she was in the hospital's ICU.
"I'm not going down without a fight," a burly goliath from Duluth snarled. He grabbed a crowbar from one of Donald Trump's paid goons. Then he kicked the goon several times, grabbed this security person's arm, twisted the arm behind the guy's back and the monster from Minnesota snarled, "Just say Uncle!"
Meanwhile, as this fight played out, Donald Trump stood at the podium on an elevated stage that was adorned with a curtain overhead that read: LET'S MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN!!! "Security, security, arrest that behemoth from Bismarck, will ya? Where in the hell are my security goons when I need them? You guys must all be illegal aliens because you can't understand a word I say and you're all lazier than hell. Puerto Ricans are my least kind of Mexicans; and I swear the security goons my staff hired for this event must all be Puerto Ricans stowaways from the Nina, Pinta, and the Santa Maria," Trump yelled into the microphone.
After a bit the crowd settled down to a slight roar. There was more motion in the amphitheater than there is crazed activity on the ice at a hockey game. "Now where was I?" Trump said in a more relaxed tone. "Oh, I was just talking - before these troublemakers so badly disrupted me with their riot - about building a wall around Mexico.
"Well, I'm going to do it, by gawd, and I'm throwing that gigantic bill for $700 billion right on the Mexican Emperor's desk. And if he doesn't pay for it, I'll mail that bill to Argentina. And if that doesn't work, it's going to Costa Rica, maybe even Honduras."
"Trump sucks! Trump's a loser!"
"Security, security, go over there and hit that jackass over the head with one of your crowbars, will ya?" Trump snorted into the microphone. "Could all the TV stations covering this event just shut their cameras down for a bit? And all you newspaper reporters - just put your pens and pencils in your pockets for a while and close your reporter pads. I just love those things. They're so thin and cool. I'm going to buy a couple million of them for myself."
Trump went on to talk about that if he was born during Elizabethan English days, and if he lived in England during this time, that he could have "…banged Queen Elizabeth. She was one hot babe," he uttered.
Then he talked a bit about his economic plans of printing money. There will never be a recession or a depression in the USA because once he's in office, he will get rid of all "small" currency under $100.
"If you want to be big, you've gotta think big. I'm only printing hundred-, thousand-, and ten-thousand dollar bills. The paper money we have in the USA only goes up to a $100,000 bill. Well, I'm getting that currency press at Camp Lejeune to blast out $1 million, $2 million, even $5 million bills. And that's just for starters. I'm considering printing billion dollar bills, too, in varying amounts," he said.
"All those coins, they're going to be melted down and the metal will later be smelted to create slot machines, washers and dryers, and refrigerators. I'm considering using one dollar, five dollar, and fifty dollar bills like we now use pennies, nickels and quarters. I will eradicate poverty. I tell ya folks, I'm a genius. I betcha Ted Cruz and John Kasich wish they thought of this thing," he said.
After the shindig, Trump said he would not have a press conference. He marched out of the amphitheater with his parade of ditzy blonde bimbos, boarded his private jet and zoomed into the sky. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126519/bedlam-blasts-all-over-a-donald-trump-rally-at-sam-houston-race-course | en | "2016-08-03T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/63a4bf55e34c1a5cbbd5ee88fbbd28d9c4ff072d7daa6e4f75a015a00ffea6cd.json |
[
"Jung In The Jungle"
] | "2016-08-26T12:59:40" | null | "2016-08-18T13:29:24" | Phelps to retire - can't afford IRS tax bill for Gold Medals : In a shock announcement Phelps is to throw in the towel saying he cant afford the taxbill from IRS everytime he wins It was bad enough the media gave him such a hard time now the IRS was punishing him for being a world champion
It is rumoured | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fsport%2F126666%2Fphelps-to-retire-cant-afford-irs-tax-bill-for-gold-medals.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/18816-2627-1471phelps medals.jpg | en | null | Phelps to retire - can't afford IRS tax bill for Gold Medals | null | null | www.thespoof.com | In a shock announcement Phelps is to throw in the towel saying he can't afford the taxbill from IRS everytime he wins. It was bad enough the media gave him such a hard time now the IRS was punishing him for being a world champion.
It is rumoured that he has to pay $3.2M for each Medal he takes home. He has said "that's it I can't afford to win anymore, I'm going back to the Ranch to shoot clay pigeons and drink bourbon and branch water".
In a near tragedy as he was posing for media shots he fell in the pool and required assistance from lifeguards. Apparently all the gold medals around his neck were so heavy they dragged him down to the bottom and couldn't swim back airside.
He noted that there were real risks in competing in foreign countries citing the seizure of 3 athletes passports for telling nasty stories about being robbed that didn't conform the Brazilian 'plausible deniability'.
He also made a rare political comment about the fact that just because he had an active mind when he was young the government wanted to dope him out with zombie pills. He is so glad his family found him a swimming pool where he could express his potential instead of being an enforced zombie pill neurotic junkie. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/sport/126666/phelps-to-retire-cant-afford-irs-tax-bill-for-gold-medals | en | "2016-08-18T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/349dedf1b818a6114a071766f5ed3c509d0ae4cc73ce92a0f14aa48403e127c5.json |
[
"Insert Name Here"
] | "2016-08-26T13:08:33" | null | "2016-07-30T22:40:25" | Legendary "good guy with a gun" yet to be discovered : Despite many years of searching and the six hundredth mass shooting in the US this week alone the legendary figure of the good guy with a gun is yet to make an appearance
One of the most enduring characters in American folklore alongside th | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126486%2Flegendary-good-guy-with-a-gun-yet-to-be-discovered.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/9515-1925-1431o-JEB-BUSH-facebook_a.jpg | en | null | Legendary "good guy with a gun" yet to be discovered | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Despite many years of searching and the six hundredth mass shooting in the U.S. this week alone the legendary figure of the "good guy with a gun" is yet to make an appearance.
One of the most enduring characters in American folklore, alongside the likes of Bigfoot, Paul Bunyan, John Appleseed and Jeb Bush, like all of the above his existence is yet to be verified but many insist that they have seen him.
This may be, however I won't be convinced until I see footage so grainy it's hardly watchable on YouTube that purports his existence, for that is the highest and most reliable evidence you can have of anything.
Sceptics argue that the "good guy with a gun" is like God or Gorillaz being on hiatus, merely wishful thinking, an invention intended to reassure the American public. But this does not dissuade hopefuls who still eagerly anticipate his arrival every mass shooting.
Children put out stockings in the hopes that good guy with a gun will watch carefully over them for another year, toast chestnuts on an open fire and sing joyous songs such as "We're All Screwed" and "Lord Help Us".
Whether or not good guy with a gun really is out there his image will endure and many will still put their faith in him to carry them through rather than actually doing anything to stop shootings.
Like prayer... | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126486/legendary-good-guy-with-a-gun-yet-to-be-discovered | en | "2016-07-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/ffecbd2b6537129aaf6bf43e764549b8eb80afd1077ade2090640aaee1e9b03e.json |
[
"Amiko Aventurista"
] | "2016-08-26T13:00:30" | null | "2016-08-02T23:57:08" | President Trump Takes Credit for Puerto Rico's Economic Miracle : Speaking from the Oval Office on Christmas Eve President Trump bombarded the American people with a summary of his accomplishments during his first four years in the White House and a sneak preview of his plans for his second term After running th | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126507%2Fpresident-trump-takes-credit-for-puerto-ricos-economic-miracle.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/13516-0759-1463trump-eats-hispanics-sm.jpg | en | null | President Trump Takes Credit for Puerto Rico's Economic Miracle | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Speaking from the Oval Office on Christmas Eve, President Trump bombarded the American people with a summary of his accomplishments during his first four years in the White House and a sneak preview of his plans for his second term. After running through a list of 638 accomplishment, including a World Series Wins for the Chicago Cubs in 2019, exporting the idea of building "great walls" to China, and making Senator Ted Cruz confess that his father was in fact behind the JFK assignation, President Trump spent an unusual amount of time on what he called "My Puerto Rico economic miracle".
President Trump pointed out that in 2016, Puerto Rico was bankrupted and owed $118B to creditors and retirees. "When I entered the White House those fast talking mulattos were broke. I'm talking sooo broke they called me collect from a rotary phone to plea for help. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Am I right? I put my learning from Trump University to work and in no time the problem was solved."
When MSNBC reporter, Chris Matthews, pointed out that his Puerto Rico rescue plan succeeded not by designed but by accident a clearly irate President Trump wanted to fire back. However, the fast talking Matthews jumped in and reminded the President that his plan involved mass deportation of Puerto Ricans, and of course all Puerto Ricans, whether they are born on the island or mainland, are U.S. citizens. In rapid fire and without taking a breath, Matthews explained Puerto Rican living stateside volunteered for free "deportation" by the hundreds of thousands just to get a free round-way ticket to visit family and friends on the island. President Trump turned from orange to reddish when Matthews pointed out that Trump tried to stop the free "deportations" but the hotel and airline industry lobbied Congress to keep the program going for two more years and by that time the mass infusion of tourist dollars rescued the island.
A defiant Trump argued back, "Look I'm a deal maker. I do deals, ok. That's what I do. I make great deals. The best deals. Americans wanted a deal maker. Someone who can Make America Great Again. I even managed to make Puerto Rico great again. Everyone said it can't be done. You can't make great again what was never great. But after the Puerto Rico economic miracle I'm considering a new slogan for my second term: Making Great What Never Was Great."
A recent NBC poll taken on the island and among Puerto Ricans stateside, clearly show President Trump remains a divisive figure. Nevertheless, a 99 foot statue of President Trump will be placed in front of the main plaza in Old San Juan. The statue will be unveiled on June 14th, President Trump's birthday. According to several sources, the statue will be accompanied by a plaque that reads:
Dedicated to President Donald J. Trump from the Puerto Rican People. With this statue we honor your "sacrifice" to rescue Puerto Rico. We are honored to be counted among your countless sacrifices. You and Christopher Columbus, who 'discovered' us in 1493, will be held in equal esteem. May this statue keep your legacy alive for eternity. Your great literary master piece, The Art of the Deal, inspired us to make Puerto Rico Great Again without being great the first time. Only you could do that. With heart felt sentiment we say muchas gracias senor! We commit ourselves with upmost fidelity to live according to your creed. Hence, in your honor this plaza shall be known today and forever as the "Art of the Steal".
Although the White House would neither confirm nor deny the potential honor, President Trump did acknowledge knowing of Puerto Rico's intent. "About time. Even after all my sacrifices. They run on Puerto Rican time; always late. Oh, by the way, why only 99 feet tall? Making PR great again even though they were never great. No one else, and I do mean no one else, could have done it. I earned it and thousands more similar accolades from the 'little' people". | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126507/president-trump-takes-credit-for-puerto-ricos-economic-miracle | en | "2016-08-02T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/1849ae96bc57bf0d9ebb37ae146c8004a96405c0ee236c52d7670923745651a3.json |
[
"Samuel Vargo"
] | "2016-08-29T18:52:02" | null | "2016-08-04T01:22:48" | The Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death's Bus Tour in 2025 : Just down the road a ways the Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death is having a bus tour The attendees of this gala are sparse The Gateway of Deaths Mayor and SafetyService Director were expecting a much larger turnout but only three peopl | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126520%2Fthe-chamber-of-commerce-of-the-gateway-to-deaths-bus-tour-in-2025.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/NuclearWeapons.jpg | en | null | The Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death's Bus Tour in 2025 | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Just down the road a ways the Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death is having a bus tour. The attendees of this gala are sparse. The Gateway of Death's Mayor and Safety-Service Director were expecting a much larger turnout, but only three people showed up. It is a free tour, too, and the Gateway of Death will be having a little shindig immediately after this bus tour. The ruse and the prize: All-you-can eat hot dogs and all-you-can drink lemonade.
Yesterday, the Mayor was heard saying to a small-town newspaper reporter, "Those hot dogs, they really reel 'em in. At last week's ribbon-cutting for the chicken and pig slaughterhouse, we had a couple hundred come. They all came for the eats."
The Gateway to Death's former name was Piccadilly. The former name was flowery and beautiful. But the Gateway to Death's town leaders figured a more apropos appellation should at least be reflective of what their borough is all about - and they decided to give the place a far more menacing and deadly moniker. That's because the village is filled with every type of noxious industry on the planet.
A hazardous waste incinerator that burns nuclear waste at a rate of 24/7, 365 days a year is the keystone player in the local economy. It belches out half-baked, refried and re-dyed atomic pollution like the Grand Coulee Dam churns out water. Remnants of the half-live breakdowns of Technetium, Francium, Radon, Actinium, Neptunium, and Einsteinium fill the atmosphere. So if you visit The Gateway of Death, it's best to bring along a gas mask retrofitted to filter out atomic air pollution. The air you breathe smells and tastes like Mustard Gas with a sprinkling of cyanide and arsenic. Four smokestacks pointing up to a black hole sun tower in the air like skyscrapers. A more primitive people would see these gigantic spiraling monstrosities and most likely fall down on their knees in worship. Yah yah, Hey yah, Yah yah, Hey, Hey, hey ya hey ya, is what they'd most likely chant.
A landfill holding medical waste, including the corpses of dead rats and mice used in scientific experiments at hospitals and medical testing facilities from all over the world, is another key cog in the economic solvency of the little hamlet. Also deposited are the scatterings of monkey, rat, and mouse bowel movements. This fecal matter is collected from lab chimps, along with medical rats and mice on a worldwide level. Every primate and rodent that has suffered immensely through medical researching experiments and has taken a crap over the course of the last 15 years is very well represented here. Most of the experiments deal with testing for AIDS, HIV, various types of cancer, smallpox, Ebola, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (or Mad Cow Disease caught by human beings), and the bubonic plague. The foul-smelling material dumped is so noxious and hazardous that workers dress like astronauts just to be safe from being poisoned by this biological train-wreck of refuse. But the pay isn't bad. Workers start at $95 an hour and there is a $10 increase to any employee who lives and lasts more than three months. This landfill is humongous, the size of three contiguous 18-hole golf courses laid side to side.
There is also a lake of nuclear waste almost as large as the Honey Island Swamp in Louisiana. It glows in the dark and catches fire during the day, even in times of teeming sheets of rain. The deep, thick, soupy mess is colored a psychedelic mix of purple, green, orange, blue, purple and red. Fly ash from the lake floats in the air like swarms of mosquitos. Inhaling these poisonous flakes and particulates would be about as dangerous as drinking Drano. Some hooligan kids - drunk and up to no good during spring break a few years ago - decided to go skinny dipping in this neon-like swamp and the next day, all that was left were their skeletons. When the Gateway to Death Police Department found their remains, these victims stuck out from the swamp surface like insects caught in a fly tape.
On the bus, the tour guide - who is also the Gateway to Death's President of the Chamber of Commerce - stands in front, near the bus driver, as the vehicle lurches through the potholed streets of the Gateway to Death. He barks into a microphone, "We have the highest safety standards of any super-polluted city in the entire U-S-of-A. The Environmental Pollution Agency is here at least twice a year. We have a seven-star rating. That's the highest, by the way."
"We're now passing the nuclear fission factory," he snaps. "If you look close, you can see sparks and flames coming from the roof. This is visual proof that some part of the work process they're doing in there has gone terribly awry. Say a prayer or two to Jesus, The Blessed Mother, Santa Muerte, and Saint Michael the Archangel whenever you see such a sight, brothers and sisters. It's indicative that a human being has now turned into a corpse. Huh! At least now the company doesn't have to worry about that Obamacare thingamajig."
"Oh, I just saw a fire shoot up from the roof! Holy Mother Mary, have mercy on that worker's gawd-blasted soul!" a homeless man seated at the front of the bus yelps. - Truthfully, he isn't there as a cheerleader for economic progress and prosperity of the Gateway to Death. He came to the bus tour for the free hot dogs and lemonade. And also, to ride around on the bus and feel the breeze of the vehicle's air conditioning for a while. Because of the funky atmosphere outside, caused by the greenhouse effect that covers the entire area, it is 120 degrees outside and it is the middle of December.
"Now we're passing the dark dungeon. Nobody knows what takes place inside - it's classified information and is super-duper top secret," the tour guide says.
The dark dungeon is an amorphous mass, comprised of shiny onyx bricks. Although it's a gigantic structure, it is dwarfed by the other monolithic buildings that litter the landscape around The Gateway to Death. The scraggly, skinny, scabrous trees in front of the building are black and the grass growing around them is also black. There is a smoky haze surrounding the building akin to the haunting fog surrounding a dark castle in one of those old black and white horror movies that starred Bela Lugosi.
"Man, I'd like to get a good looksee around the inside of that dark dungeon. I'd call Anderson Cooper at CNN and report what I witnessed. Then I'd call Michael Moore and ask him if him and me could make a movie about that place," a homeless woman with no teeth who is drinking something hidden in a brown paper sack, babbles from a seat at the back of the bus.
The bus tour continues, traveling the serpentine streets of the Gateway to Death. Although the slowly moving, meandering tour's attendees are made up of a very small group, they are an animated and excited audience. "Oohs and Ahs," abound as the bus passes from one environmental and ecological nightmare to another. They all jump up from their seats when they think they see something spectacular and point out the bus windows with their index fingers.
Finally, the tour ends and the bus returns back to the Gateway to Death City Hall, a double-wide house trailer that sits on Market Street. On one side is a waste water treatment facility and on the other are several holding tanks stocking raw sewage. This is collected from the entire region's bulk of filthy human dung. The little city has acquired the nickname, "The Shithole of the Entire State".
The two homeless people get off, along with a retired economics professor who now writes on ecological issues for liberal, progressive, online magazines. The tour guide follows them as they exit and says in a sing-song voice, "You all enjoy those hot dogs and that lemonade now. Eat and drink all you want. Don't come back tomorrow, though, the hot dog and lemonade stand will be closed." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126520/the-chamber-of-commerce-of-the-gateway-to-deaths-bus-tour-in-2025 | en | "2016-08-04T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/f1b7b2f2dd34a8a5e3c7d73d42411240c615fd85c8c793d837841d870157a69d.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T13:05:45" | null | "2016-08-25T18:52:59" | Olympic athletes forced to live in Brazilian slums! : The Brazilian Olympic committee rapidly closed the Olympic village after it was discovered jungle monkeys were interested in renting out the place They were observed climbing in and out of empty abandoned apartments left by Olympians who could not | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fsport%2F126736%2Folympic-athletes-forced-to-live-in-brazilian-slums.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/Runners.jpg | en | null | Olympic athletes forced to live in Brazilian slums! | null | null | www.thespoof.com | The Brazilian Olympic committee rapidly closed the Olympic village after it was discovered jungle monkeys were interested in renting out the place. They were observed climbing in and out of empty, abandoned apartments left by Olympians who could not wait to get out of the place.
Sadly, Kenyan athletes could not afford their air ticket back to Kenya and were offered accommodation in a local Favela. The Favela run by a drug syndicate thought it would be good business to allow the athletes into their world, but were disappointed that they were not Russian or Chinese who could have boosted their business big time.
Instead they got a group of barefoot, Kenyan long-distance runners in their Favela which turned out to be quite lucrative after they were forced at gun point to do some "drug running" to pay for such high-level Brazilian hospitality. After a few days of special training, up and down steep hillsides and dodgy wooden stairs, the Athletes thanked their hosts for a wonderful time in their habitat and the opportunity to keep fit. The money earned by their 3 days of "drug running" is now being used by Brazilian drug syndicates to enhance their 'charitable status' in the Favelas by financing even more young kids hoping to enter "drug running" programmes! | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/sport/126736/olympic-athletes-forced-to-live-in-brazilian-slums | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/0a81a1098f76af39f584c4664ff96199033682f9ed579a4797193c4b37241fbd.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T13:07:27" | null | "2016-08-02T10:07:48" | Media Bares All For Melania : ONLY IN AMERICA The New York Post launched another media storm this week with its nude photo of Melania Trump on the front page of its Sunday issue Then doubledowned with more nude photos of her and another model decorating its Monday edition | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126502%2Fmedia-bares-all-for-melania.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | Media Bares All For Melania | null | null | www.thespoof.com | ONLY IN AMERICA - The New York Post launched another media storm this week with its nude photo of Melania Trump on the front page of its Sunday issue. Then "double-downed" with more nude photos of her and another model decorating its Monday edition. This marks a new low in the presidential candidate media wars. Even more shocking, okay, not so shocking, are the news stories regarding this slimy, salacious, sex exploitation. After months of hearing about what a sexist, misogynist Donald Trump is - when the tables are turned - the majority of the news focused on describing the naked pictures and where they came from.
Maybe all these stories are understandable, since many news correspondents are still men. They were probably too busy Googling her goodies, ogling her attributes, and wishing they were Donald Trump for just one night - rather than spend any time writing a story.
A friend of one internationally known reporter, whose name will be left unmentioned, overheard him have to explain to his wife why he brought home an edition of Sunday's New York Post. The reporter writes for a competing magazine. After his wife had discovered it hidden under one of her Better Homes and Gardens magazines in the bathroom, he was heard saying: "Just research for writing a story for work dear." His friend observed and commented: "She didn't seem convinced." Previously, she had already thrown out all his old Playboys and Sports Illustrated Swim Suit editions.
A few Melania Trump news stories went the extra mile concerning the nude photos and, like the Wikileaks DNC email controversy, added their own bits of intrigue. Probably written by gay men who weren't so distracted by the photos. It was not the Russians this time, but Donald Trump who leaked the photos himself. The only conjecture missing were theories about how the pictures had been Photoshopped and her breasts plagiarized. Wait for it, it will come - this news story has "legs" - long, slender ones I might add.
Poor Donald or Melania just can't seem to get a fair break in the news. Everyone is for fair coverage, love a juicy conspiracy, and don't want to be accused of a double standard on morality. However, the Russian plot seems to have been lost in this story.
An undisclosed source confirmed: "The Russians have unpublished selfies of Mrs. Clinton in a sports bra and yoga pants that were hacked from her homebrew server. Mrs. Clinton had previously mentioned how most of her deleted 30,000 emails where just wedding planning and yoga appointments. It's unclear whether the photos will appear on the front cover of the New York Post. But, it only seems fair. If it happens, Viagra sales will skyrocket. Any man after seeing a picture of Mrs. Clinton in yoga pants will probably suffer erectile dysfunction - maybe even permanently.
Commentary: As a woman, it pains me deeply to have to disclose the last part of this rude, crude, and lewd story. It's just too hard to take the moral high-ground when the Clintons are involved. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126502/media-bares-all-for-melania | en | "2016-08-02T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/c5aefc50850ea8e2ed37cf040ed1c78c96ce6eb343ee9e6d939bf34aaac2ee42.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-26T13:07:11" | null | "2016-08-18T01:05:56" | Distracted Trump Watches Netflix During First Intel Briefing : Washington DC Donald J Trump was invited to his first intelligence briefing today with staff members of the Director of National Intelligence As generals and staff spoke about national security concerns sources close to the candidate stated th | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126669%2Fdistracted-trump-watches-netflix-during-first-intel-briefing.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/12816-2228-1471cabinet meet.jpg | en | null | Distracted Trump Watches Netflix During First Intel Briefing | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Washington, DC -- Donald J. Trump was invited to his first intelligence briefing today with staff members of the Director of National Intelligence. As generals and staff spoke about national security concerns, sources close to the candidate stated that Trump watched the movie Animal House on his iPhone during the briefing, took a brief nap, and failed to understand why Ukraine is not just a part of "greater Russia".
Trump left Trump Tower today to attend the briefing. Along the way, he spotted a disheveled NJ Governor Chris Christie right near the tower on the NYC streets and invited him on the helicopter ride to Washington, DC. Christie immediately said yes.
Once at the Pentagon, the two politicians met with nervous and snickering high ranking officials, according to sources. At first, the two were given a 50 question multiple choice Q&A on various U.S. interests so that the generals could understand their sophistication levels. Christie reportedly located an answer key and scored a 42 out of possible 50. Trump scored a lower 8 out of 50, although Trump expressed surprised satisfaction with their combined score of 50 out of 50.
Once the highly classified lectures began, Trump reportedly whispered, "This is your hunt, Chrissy," before sitting back to watch a movie on his iPhone, pulling out a bag of heavily salted buttered popcorn from his briefcase.
As Trump laughed through the movie, hoping the generals would not notice, he remarked to Christie that he and John Belushi have a lot in common. "It's the Oreos Chrissy, the Oreos. He's looking better than you in that toga though, believe me!"
After the movie was over, Trump watched his two favorite episodes of Law and Order.
Anonymous sources speculated that the generals purposely gave Trump false information with hopes that it would be leaked to Paul Manafort, who is going back to his second home in "West Russia", and then make its way directly to Vladimir Putin. During the meeting, Trump had used the words "West Russia" interchangeably with "Ukraine".
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton skipped her intelligence briefing altogether, stating on Twitter that she has practically "written the book" on U.S. foreign policy. Sources state that the generals read the tweet aloud to Trump and they all agreed.
New Trump Campaign CEO Steve Bannon tweeted: "Crooked Hillary a no show, no attention to detail, not smart, doesn't know much, perjurer, conspiring to do something unlawful for sure."
Bannon recently replaced Manafort, who recently replaced Corey Lewandowski, all in order to let "Trump be Trump." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126669/distracted-trump-watches-netflix-during-first-intel-briefing | en | "2016-08-18T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/a6fc16e24b1fe3b8d407481c2835af63b3699a1d1152a0fb1a166056c45cc78d.json |
[
"Harry Klondike"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:51" | null | "2016-08-29T01:28:53" | Suicide Bombers, Meet the "Bomburkalizer" : Tel Aviv Israel A new contraption may save scores of lives across the Middle East and the Western World from the menacing terror of suicide bombers Israeli scientist have invented a device that fits fashionably on the human body allows full unenc | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fscience-technology%2F126753%2Fsuicide-bombers-meet-the-bomburkalizer.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/6707-4712Bomb.jpg | en | null | Suicide Bombers, Meet the "Bomburkalizer" | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Tel Aviv; Israel: A new contraption may save scores of lives across the Middle East and the Western World from the menacing terror of suicide bombers. Israeli scientist have invented a device that fits fashionably on the human body, allows full unencumbered mobility, and can be put on and removed in mere seconds. It's function is to ensure the safety of the general public from any shrapnel and blast shockwave resulting from a detonation of a wearable explosive weapon.
How It Works:
1. A selected person (profiled as PSC or "Potentially Self Combustible") is brought aside after entering a department store. They quickly slide their head through a comfortable nylon turtleneck
-then-
2. As the person stands the device is dropped; this unfurls two square soft packs about the size of note book paper and 3" {7.6cm} thick on both the chest and mid back of the wearer.
3. A gray nylon canvassed hoop is the finishing fashion touch; the hoop tubing is about 5" {12.7cm} in circumference while the hoop's inner area is 10' {3.2m} in circumference. This drops gracefully around the midsection of the wearer. All above mentioned components are tethered around the turtleneck with 800 warp-strand polyester material.
4. If all goes well the person, prior to exiting the store will simply have the device lifted hoop-first in a hermetically sealed blast resistant chamber by a robotic arm and off they go. However, if the unthinkable were to happen here is how lives would be saved:
How It Saves the Public
Once an explosive is detonated a series of heat sensors in the straps begins the activation. Heat will reach the sensors before any jolt or atmospheric disturbance occurs.
In tandem both the front and back panels expand in .08 micro seconds unfurling a 6"x8' {15.2cmX2.24m} convex kevlar shield on both sides of the person. The hoop deploys a similar material only it is blown out latterly, leaving what resembles a tubular raft which tapers to a 1" {2.54cm} hole at the top and bottom of the device. In some ways it resembles two warheads glued together at the center.
This would happen so quickly that from the vantage point of the public- the person would be there and then a gray bicone canvass simply appears in place of the terrorist. There would however, be a noise by way of a low thump (like what a passenger hears while someone outside of a car slams it's trunk/boot closed)
Many countries have shone great interest in the product. Germany on the other hand has rejected it outright. Angela Merkel said it was not the answer. "Fear and shields do nothing- we must see this through- it is my obligation!" Most in Germany wish she would be so obliged as to drop her security detail and live with the regular Germans to see if then her mind would be changed. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/science-technology/126753/suicide-bombers-meet-the-bomburkalizer | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/338f0706836eaceaceffa3babd53b3a29e5fdb2efac6f8b043992718580efced.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:22" | null | "2016-08-04T21:48:15" | Blacklists and Babies: Trump's Own McCarthyism : Washington DC To some a Trumpism may be considered a political gaff made during a rally or convention speech To others Trumpism is a movement akin to McCarthyism of the 1950s
What was once a somewhat curious footnote known as McCar | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126531%2Fblacklists-and-babies-trumps-own-mccarthyism.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/24716-2712-1469alex-jones-sm.jpg | en | null | Blacklists and Babies: Trump's Own McCarthyism | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Washington, D.C.: To some, a "Trumpism" may be considered a political gaff made during a rally or convention speech. To others, "Trumpism" is a movement akin to McCarthyism of the 1950s.
What was once a somewhat curious footnote known as McCarthyism has turned into a new reality with the nomination of Donald J. Trump for President.
The self-described "law and order" candidate is anything but law and order. Trump follows no law, selectively ignores the U.S. Constitution, and keeps no order. Trump is the opposite of order; he is unpredictable and dangerous.
Donald J. Trump is using all the same tools that were in Joseph McCarthy's arsenal. Only his targets are broader. Where McCarthy blacklisted alleged communists, mostly entertainers and writers, Trump's blacklist never ends. You are either with Trump, or you are against him. And if you are against him, he will taunt you, he will tease you. He is your schoolyard bully.
Among Trump's targets are immigrants, Mexicans, women, Muslims, disabled individuals, war heroes, Republican politicians, Democratic politicians, Gold Star mothers, reporters, short people, and even babies. Yes, babies.
The list grows each day, at each rally, with each speech.
And yet, members of the Republican establishment, out of loyalty, out of hate for Hillary Clinton, continue to stand behind their nominee, even when the nominee will not stand behind them.
No more.
History is watching. The GOP establishment of today is no different than those politicians who refused to reject segregation, even where the moral logic was so clear. Trump to America is like the Joker to Batman.
So where's the joke? Where's the spoof? The joke is on us America. But no one is laughing.
The world is watching and if we were not the most powerful nation electing a candidate to the most powerful job in the world, the world would be laughing at us instead.
We, the undersigned, hereby disavow everything that is Donald J. Trump. We do this because we know it is the right thing to do. We do not agree with Hillary Clinton, but we believe that Hillary Clinton will serve our country with honor and distinction, the best way she knows how, as best she can.
God help us, but this feels right.
We are sorry that we let this happen. We will try harder to not let you down again.
Chris Christie
Sarah Palin
Mike Pence
Ivanka Trump
Mitch McConnell
Paul Ryan
John McCain
Newt Gingrich
Kelly Ayotte
Bob Dole
Rick Perry
Marco Rubio
Ben Carson
Jeff Sessions
Dick Cheney
Rince Priebus
and
Vladimir Putin | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126531/blacklists-and-babies-trumps-own-mccarthyism | en | "2016-08-04T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/5dc68273dda8b68e4f05e6d57bc8b853041353cd669a40902e80777f22d7b571.json |
[
"Jung In The Jungle"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:59" | null | "2016-08-29T17:22:28" | Another Hollywood Icon lost as Zorro is gunned down at LA Airport : Zorro the 50s avenger of corrupt governments typically Mexican was today sadly gunned down amidst a huge panic evacuation at LA Airport
Apparently he was sitting down on the concourse minding his own business when a paranoid US traveler decide | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fentertainment-gossip%2F126754%2Fanother-hollywood-icon-lost-as-zorro-is-gunned-down-at-la-airport.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/29816-2553-1472zorro.jpg | en | null | Another Hollywood Icon lost as Zorro is gunned down at LA Airport | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Zorro the 50's avenger of corrupt governments (typically Mexican) was today sadly gunned down amidst a huge panic evacuation at LA Airport.
Apparently he was sitting down on the concourse minding his own business when a paranoid US traveler decided he was a terrorist and reported he was firing a weapon on the concourse. 246 security staff with military assault weapons converged on him and before he could say anything they gunned him down in a hail of assault weapons fire.
This started a further mass panic and thousands of paranoid Americans ran in all directions. This in turn caused further panic amongst security staff who started shooting people on suspicion they were a Zorro sympathiser. The death toll is still being counted but it appears 100's are dead or wounded.
After the dust settled and the facts came to light not only did Zorro not have a gun but he had not even bought his metal sword, but a plastic one so he didn't cause any security concerns. Alas this precaution did not stop paranoid Americans from starting a hysterical mass panic in which hundreds died.
Zorros mother was said to be devastated by this and upon hearing it had a heart attack and has since died.
The Trumphole™ has claimed responsibility saying it was testing its new and improved WMH designed to trigger uncontrolled hysteria from trivial events. Despite getting Cooper-Crunched™ by Kirk last time they had retuned the the WMH 'Superstition Panic Gun' from the Australian experiment.
Trumphole™ commanders are said to be delighted with this latest outbreak of mindless irrational panic and claim "the gun needs very little power to incite mass panic as all the paranoid hominids seem ready to loose it over more or less nothing at all". | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/entertainment-gossip/126754/another-hollywood-icon-lost-as-zorro-is-gunned-down-at-la-airport | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/c5b2c56be36506bcecbc81fe1fc6ae065d2d39d570517890620c9fc9eb46f33a.json |
[
"Jung In The Jungle"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:59" | null | "2016-08-29T00:55:16" | Wyndham Council to seek Death Penalty for rogue pensioner that built a shed on the beach : Today it has come to national attention that Wyndham Council will seek the execution of a pensioner who built a shed on the beach fixed the road and stopped people dumping rubbish
As the plot unravels in the mainstream media it appears as though | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126751%2Fwyndham-council-to-seek-death-penalty-for-rogue-pensioner-that-built-a-shed-on-the-beach.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/29816-1350-1472WA shed guy_a.jpg | en | null | Wyndham Council to seek Death Penalty for rogue pensioner that built a shed on the beach | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Today it has come to national attention that Wyndham Council will seek the execution of a pensioner who built a shed on the beach, fixed the road and stopped people dumping rubbish.
As the plot unravels in the mainstream media it appears as though once again petty council officers are abusing their authority to fanatically persecute decent folk for their 'hideous crimes'.
Frank originally put the shed up to house his fishing boat, fixed the road the council refused to and put a gate to stop people dumping rubbish on the beach. The council then decided to take a militaristic response and issued several breaches and large fines. When he refused to trodden into the ground the council decided to inflict upon him the full weight of legalistic persecution. He stands to get a legal bill of $300,000 if he looses his hearing as well loosing his family home and facing summary execution.
When council staff were asked what grounds there were for such a disproportionate response they cited the official Federal Liberal Party policy of destroying the lives of those who foolishly thought they could stand up for their civil rights. "In accordance with the Federal Treasurers policy directions where the weak, vulnerable and the poor were to be 'soft targets' for profiteering", quoted the council officer.
Further research reveals the council has wasted all of its budget on council luncheons and overseas holidays and now needs to recover funds. In accordance with Australian community standards it is doing this via Machiavellian persecution of the vulnerable.
It also came to light the law firm Maddocks has undeclared financial relations with several council members and has used the opportunity to rake in a fast buck, $200,000 of them thus far in this one case.
When asked for justification for their actions they cited the "now established socio-political practice of 'zero tolerance for beach sheds' and that the community should thank them for their altruistic actions of preserving community standards. Further and far more seriously he had foolishly decided to stand up for his civil rights which is now a criminal offence with 25 years in jail, so he is screwed", they bragged. "However given he had now gone public and said nasty things about council members they would be seeking the Death Penalty under the new 'WhistleBlower Protection Laws' which provided for summary execution for revealing corrupt government practices".
When pointed out that was not really protecting decent citizens from revealing corruption they replied that "the media often misinterpreted the new law, it should have been labelled 'Protecting the honourable men of government from nasty petty accusations from vulnerable citizens' to convey a more accurate representation of the facts".
The honourable gentleman from the law firm went on to smear the old guy with the fact they were using the Census linking key to discover he had a cat with unpaid parking fines which means he may have terrorist links. However they already had discussions with the Counter Terrorism Force to indicate they had the first rights to his execution and they would have to wait in the queue to kill him again after the council had finished. They also indicated they would be sending a black-ops team to the afterlife to kill him again so he couldn't find any peace there either. "After all if you think you can get away with beach sheds where will it end", they bellowed, "and further if God wanted decent people to be free he would not have made all the laws giving us the power to destroy them".
They also complained that having to answer pesky questions from the media was unproductive as they had many other death penalty persecutions underway including one family that has the audacity to think they can have a childs swing in their backyard", they guffed. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126751/wyndham-council-to-seek-death-penalty-for-rogue-pensioner-that-built-a-shed-on-the-beach | en | "2016-08-29T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/8992f84f348323099ad8758369b727c657f1b7d5467599df67b55df963af418d.json |
[] | "2016-08-29T18:51:56" | null | "2016-08-04T18:18:13" | Trumps Emails Said To Be Hacked By Nigerian 'Prince' : Russian agents posing as a Nigerian prince reportedly hacked GOP Presidential candidate Donald J Trumps private email address more than four months ago However unlike the recent Democrats National Committee breach which resulted in the release of | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126528%2Ftrumps-emails-said-to-be-hacked-by-nigerian-prince.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/201015-5209-1445Trump_a.jpg | en | null | Trumps Emails Said To Be Hacked By Nigerian 'Prince' | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Russian agents posing as a Nigerian prince reportedly hacked GOP Presidential candidate Donald J Trump's private email address more than four months ago. However, unlike the recent Democrats National Committee breach which resulted in the release of embarrassing documents, the agents appear to have forwarded Mr. Trump a series of political strategies for him to consider.
The source, a high-ranking government official, said that initially, Mr. Trump was contacted through an email that purported to be from Prince Nararme from Nigeria. The messages did not ask for money, as was often the case in internet scams, but rather were "very, very complimentary to Mr. Trump and soon blossomed into a close relationship."
The 'Prince', however, was actually a Russian agent whose mission was to guide Mr. Trump's campaign and shape his 'vision'. Some of those conversations were thought to be the basis for his platform including the building of a border wall, tracking Muslims and Mexican living in the United States, refusing to allow various ethnic groups from entering the country and his personal attacks on those who disagreed with him, including the Pope.
The 'Prince' offered to have a 'friend' hack into the Democratic National Committee and publish damaging emails should Mr. Trump win his party's nomination. After doing so the 'Prince' was reported to have asked if Mr. Trump would put in a good word for a mutual friend, Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Mr. Trump then publicly asked the Russians for their help to further hack into American emails, incorrectly stated that they had not invaded parts of Ukraine and lauded Mr. Putin. Although that played well in the Kremlin it also raised some questions as to what he might suggest next.
After Mr. Trump insulted a fallen U.S. soldier's family the agents reached the decision that the time had come to distance themselves from Mr. Trump. As a county with a strong military tradition they were offended by his remarks and concluded that they may have gone too far in manipulating Mr. Trump.
Fearing that if elected a "less than stable" Mr. Trump would pose a threat not only to the American people but also to everyone else they decided to end the relationship. They then had the 'Prince' email Mr. Trump a request for money to help his sick grandmother get an operation. Mr. Trump never got back to them.
When asked to comment on the story a spokesperson for Mr. Trump accused the reporter of "being beyond stupid." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126528/trumps-emails-said-to-be-hacked-by-nigerian-prince | en | "2016-08-04T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/cf3c3dd19d7ef80249630ca01415d49ed09791a4efcdcb5c3eaa94512b9390e2.json |
[
"Matt Birkenhauer"
] | "2016-08-26T13:04:42" | null | "2016-08-04T20:30:17" | Donald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders : TRUMP HEADQUARTERS that is Trumps headDonald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders After Crooked Hillary began to get old | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126530%2Fdonald-trump-suspends-campaign-after-running-out-of-adjectives-aimed-at-the-level-of-fourth-graders.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/7716-1724-1467trump box.jpg | en | null | Donald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders | null | null | www.thespoof.com | TRUMP HEADQUARTERS (that is, Trump's head)--Donald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic: Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders. After "Crooked Hillary" began to get old, Trump replaced it with "Dishonest" and "Double-dealing Hillary." But once those adjectives began to wear thin, Trump went to a thesaurus and tried stirring up his crowds with "Beguiling" and "Duplicitous Hillary," which left many of those in his audience scratching their heads or going quickly to their smartphones to look up the words.
And Trump, still holding a grudge against Ted Cruz for not endorsing him at the Republican Convention two weeks ago, threw his audience even further when, tiring of the word "Lyin" to describe his nemesis (that's "enemy," for Trump supporters), he resorted to calling Cruz "Mendacious Ted" and "Prevaricating Ted." This riled up his audience even more, since many of them thought that Latin was only spoken in Latin American or by Latinos in the United States, so they began chanting, "Build that wall! Build that wall." The crowd's chants nearly drowned out a lone member in the audience (an English teacher with pronounced sesquipedalian and xenophobic tendencies), who could be heard chanting "Fabricate that rampart! Fabricate that rampart!" (The lone chanter was immediately escorted from the rally, amid shouts and jeers of "Egghead! Egghead! Egghead!")
The Trump campaign is expected to resume once Donald Trump can spend more time memorizing more adjectives (or what he calls his "best words"), or once the Trump campaign begins to attract crowds that can understand vocabulary words above a fourth grade level. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126530/donald-trump-suspends-campaign-after-running-out-of-adjectives-aimed-at-the-level-of-fourth-graders | en | "2016-08-04T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/265d049ff89f2de76a558803c50e3b593ddcc8c93b2fa58d8a2356cd6a5d8c49.json |
[
"Keith Shirey"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:49" | null | "2016-08-28T20:10:18" | Crisis in the Clinton Campaign : As the Clinton campaign prepares to go to Portland Oregon in 3 weeks it is in serious negotiations with the Oregon event organizers A crisis has emerged over the mayonnaise brand that will be used in potato salad at the event
It turns out t | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126750%2Fcrisis-in-the-clinton-campaign.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/Shopping.jpg | en | null | Crisis in the Clinton Campaign | null | null | www.thespoof.com | As the Clinton campaign prepares to go to Portland, Oregon in 3 weeks it is in serious negotiations with the Oregon event organizers. A crisis has emerged over the mayonnaise brand that will be used in potato salad at the event.
It turns out that Hillary prefers Best Foods, though will settle for Hellman's. However, the campaign wants to go local and organic to please area democrats who go to farmer's market to buy prepared local mayonnaise from the stalls and booths.
CNN and MSNBC sensing a local news story of national and international import sent camera crews to Portland to interview the Portland event organizer. What they found was a crusty, outspoken Betsy Rostein who is county chairwoman and chief organizer for the Oregon event.
"When we shop for democratic club events we don't go to the condiment section at the local megamarket and throw either Best Foods or Hellman's in the shopping cart. Giant multinational Unilever makes both brands. We don't support multinationals in liberal Portland, we go local," explained Ms. Ross to the TV cameras.
"Hell, Hellman's and Best Foods mayo are identical. Put a blindfold on Hillary and she wouldn't know the damn difference," said Ms. Rostein.
This reporter could not get an interview with Clinton Campaign Chair, Niccolo Machiavellia, but an aide explained that giant Unilever perhaps was a contributor to the Democratic Party and, "Probably the national Clinton campaign people who went to Oregon to negotiate the matter didn't want to offend a campaign donor."
The matter was treated quite seriously on the Sunday news shows, "Toddy's Faceoff," "This Week With George Psoriasis," and "Das Homeland" hosted by Oliver North on Faux News.
As usual, the participants in the lengthy roundtable discussions, wearing serious expressions and furrowed brows, gravely discussed all sides of the issue. And, is always the case, Chuck Toddy repeatedly interrupted Bliss Read, a brilliant Black Female MSNBC contributor, as Toddy turned his back on her and often consulted Hewitt Hewitt, also a MSNBC contributor, who is an older white misogynist who hates Hillary Clinton.
Crowded out in the mayonnaise discussion were such unworthy, trivial topics as "Climate Change And The Eventual Extermination Of The Human Race," " Money In Politics Destroying Democracy," "Drone Attacks Creating Hatred Of The U.S.," "Stopping ISIS Genocide," "Rampant Gun Carnage in The U.S," "Torture in Black Sites Abroad," Excessive Drug Prices Causing People To Choose Between Paying Utility Bills Or Getting Medicine For Their Infants And Children," "GOP Rigging Of Elections," "The U.S.' Becoming A Third World Nation," "Shoddy Treatment Of Veterans Who Have Been Lied To About Being Heroes," and the like. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126750/crisis-in-the-clinton-campaign | en | "2016-08-28T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/fc3ad17146bc6efc93a472c92823448c7eef1b378fc288bf95dc98a97a50eeb1.json |
[
"Philip J. Moss"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:16" | null | "2016-08-06T08:58:29" | Trump's Autopsy Reveals Brain Tumor : Associated Press June 17 2032 An autopsy of the real estate mogul and former presidential candidate revealed that he had suffered from a growth on the cerebral cortex that impaired his ability to selfcensor increased his impulsiveness and limite | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126555%2Ftrumps-autopsy-reveals-brain-tumor.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | Trump's Autopsy Reveals Brain Tumor | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Associated Press, June 17, 2032: An autopsy of the real estate mogul and former presidential candidate revealed that he had suffered from a growth on the cerebral cortex that impaired his ability to self-censor, increased his impulsiveness and limited his attention span.
"The tumor was slow growing," said state pathologist Grind M. Upp, "and it is hard to say how it would affected him in office, if he had won the election. But it certainly could have resulted in him pushing The Big Red Button." The autopsy also revealed that Trump suffered from Craniorectal Inversion, Acute Exacerbation of Chronic Nonsense, Globus Stupidicus, Microdeckia and Whinorrhea.
Several groups have expressed interest in acquiring samples of Trump's brain tissue, including the Society for Advancing Research Into Really Stupid People, the Institute for Proving that the American Voter is Really Dumb, and the Conclave of Big Shots With Small Hands. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126555/trumps-autopsy-reveals-brain-tumor | en | "2016-08-06T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/3dc0b832cd0c72ef9ef001222efa67205e924ccb93329d46d248e1b9b1611521.json |
[
"Xrhonda Speaks"
] | "2016-08-26T22:50:57" | null | "2016-08-25T20:02:44" | Roger Ailes Replaces Trump Campaign Staff With Russian Sexbots : After his attorneys advised him to avoid all contact with real human beings with feelings conscience and morals Roger Ailes replaced a few of Donald Trumps campaign staff with sexbots
The move has raised red flags as the sexbots are seen as a | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126737%2Froger-ailes-replaces-trump-campaign-staff-with-russian-sexbots.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/25816-5640-1472Sex-Dolls.jpg | en | null | Roger Ailes Replaces Trump Campaign Staff With Russian Sexbots | null | null | www.thespoof.com | After his attorneys advised him to avoid all contact with real human beings with feelings, conscience and morals, Roger Ailes replaced a few of Donald Trump's campaign staff with sexbots.
The move has raised red flags as the sexbots are seen as an obvious security threat: The company that "makes" the sexbots is widely known as one of many fronts for Russia's Foreign Intelligence Service or SVR. The CIA was able to get a hold of one of the sexbots and it is believed to be of Chinese origin.
CIA Operations Chief Rolo C. Abner said this is a dangerous sign regarding Donald Trump's judgement.
"If he can't understand the security threat of having these Russian sexbots in his campaign, he should not even be considered for the presidency of this country."
"When our lab disassembled one of the sexbots they found it was built from the ground up as a spybot with seven hidden layers of recording, storage, and transmission, any other, uh, entertainment functions are secondary to it's designers intent."
Donald Trump defended the hiring of the sexbots, mostly Ukranian pleasure models, while speaking at a rally in Reno, Nevada.
"I met with all of them myself and they were really nice, there's no security threat here and I personally helped with the 'severe extreme vetting' of Roger's uh, girlbots."
A former Trump campaign worker who wished to remain anonymous spoke about the changes.
"This is actually a good thing for the Trump campaign. They don't want anybody to know, but much of their staff has to return to Russia because their visas are expiring. The sexbots take care of the immediate staffing problem as well as helping to keep Ailes from generating more sexual harassment lawsuits." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126737/roger-ailes-replaces-trump-campaign-staff-with-russian-sexbots | en | "2016-08-25T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/de97d845586680c4c6cdf907476fab9acb741424b9bb46feeb6a6733c22d593e.json |
[
"Michael Balton"
] | "2016-08-29T18:51:55" | null | "2016-08-03T19:47:36" | The tooth and nothing but the tooth: Donald Trump defends dental floss : New York Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has come down hard on the recent government report that calls dental floss a waste of time
This is bad news folks Trump said First they rigged the dentist chair so they could play | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126517%2Fthe-tooth-and-nothing-but-the-tooth-donald-trump-defends-dental-floss.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/15107-2402Teeth.jpg | en | null | The tooth and nothing but the tooth: Donald Trump defends dental floss | null | null | www.thespoof.com | New York - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has come down hard on the recent government report that calls dental floss "a waste of time."
"This is bad news, folks," Trump said. "First they rigged the dentist chair so they could play with your dental health. Then they "fixed" the economy so they could screw around with your mental health. And now they are taking the floss right out of our hands.
"I for one have been flossing for 30 years because I believe that molars matter," Trump continued.
Reaching into his inside jacket pocket, Trump revealed a plan to corner the dental floss market. "The stuff is selling for pennies on the dollar. I propose we create a national dental floss reserve so we never have to depend on foreign oral maintenance supplies."
The presidential candidate went on to call out the Obama administration: "we're not going to be tangled in your convoluted flossing recommendations. Next thing you know you'll be banning silly string. I don't see anyone laughing about that."
Supposedly, Trump was briefed about the nation's cavity control efforts in the same session he received his background training in the use of nuclear weapons."I just have to remember which is which." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126517/the-tooth-and-nothing-but-the-tooth-donald-trump-defends-dental-floss | en | "2016-08-03T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/3f78ed5f4d351a69273f64f7e9a02cddc803ab63c4c285c238a472b3dceebb27.json |
[
"K.C. Bell"
] | "2016-08-26T13:02:24" | null | "2016-08-01T21:00:28" | Donald Trump: A Closet Democrat : Yes Donald Trump is not Rich Uncle Pennybags in a top hat but a baseball cap hammer and nails lunch pail carrying Democrat determined to give the White House the Senate and House to his secret political party of choice The Democrats
What | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126501%2Fdonald-trump-a-closet-democrat.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/7716-1724-1467trump box.jpg | en | null | Donald Trump: A Closet Democrat | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Yes, Donald Trump is not Rich Uncle Pennybags in a top hat, but a baseball cap, hammer and nails, lunch pail carrying Democrat, determined to give the White House, the Senate and House to his secret political party of choice: The Democrats.
What better way to retain the country under Democratic control than to win the Republican nomination and follow it having a campaign layered with racism, misogyny and disingenuous statements, so inflaming the Republican electorate, that the electorate abandons the party and votes for the Democratic ticket.
Trump finished off Republican candidates for the nomination with petty criticisms, name-calling-bullying-tactics that the electorate bought, winning him the primaries, nomination and a free pass to the Republican convention.
Remember building the wall, the Mexican judge, Pocahontas, deporting 10 million, banning Muslims, disparaging remarks about the Pope, a history of stiffing vendors, saying John McCain was no hero, outsourcing his label, Crooked Hillary, Trump University and the missing charitable contributions to veterans?
Rich Uncle Pennybags, how could you survive?
He successfully doomed his nomination, and the Republican down ballot, by ridiculing the still grieving parents of a Gold Star soldier who died in Iraq in 2004. He suggested the Gold Star mother didn't speak at the Democratic convention because of religious reasons - Muslim women aren't allowed to speak.
"That's what a lot of people are suggesting," Trump said.
The mother was clearly grief-stricken, and if she had spoken, she would not have resorted to plagiarism. The Gold Star father says that Mr. Trump has a dark heart.
He is too generous.
As though slander should be sufficient to disqualify a candidate from the White House, Rich Uncle Pennybags doesn't appear to know current events. Where was he when Russia invaded the Ukraine?
Then there is the on again, off again bromance with Vladimir Putin: "Yes, we have a good relationship." "No. I've never met him." "Yes, we were in the green room together." "No…"
So this has to either be a scheme for Democrats to win the White House or Trump is a tweet.
"That's what a lot of people are suggesting." | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126501/donald-trump-a-closet-democrat | en | "2016-08-01T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/0fd1a984282c6ea72ba5d10cd216284d5058938b4ecd786dc732a72e07289dc3.json |
[
"Insert Name Here"
] | "2016-08-26T13:03:14" | null | "2016-07-30T23:36:40" | "This song is gay" concludes celebrated music critic : A celebrated music critic has delivered a scathing verdict on the new album by Catfish and the Bottlemen today taking the band and the internet by storm
After listening to the first 30 seconds of the song and proceeding to take approximately 0 | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fentertainment-gossip%2F126488%2Fthis-song-is-gay-concludes-celebrated-music-critic.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/15707-2748giant.jpg | en | null | "This song is gay" concludes celebrated music critic | null | null | www.thespoof.com | A celebrated music critic has delivered a scathing verdict on the new album by Catfish and the Bottlemen today, taking the band and the internet by storm.
After listening to the first 30 seconds of the song and proceeding to take approximately 0.3 seconds to deliberate, tittiesandass69 promptly proceeded to deliver his critical opinion, formed through years of experience, on the comments section of the YouTube video for the song, concluding that the song seems to have a preference for members of the same gender and that the artist in question should "kill themselves" before rounding off the review by calling the artist a "cuck", thus solidifying the review's credibility.
Clearly Mr. Ass69's thought-provoking and articulate review stems from the mind of somebody with a great deal of experience in the oh-so-bittersweet world of music criticism and musical composition itself.
His unique understanding of melody and texture and his comments upon the details of the composition reveal a trained ear to the finer details of music. His unbiased evaluation of the faults and imperfections, as well as the music's merits, is the finest commentary any uninformed person seeking information could have come across.
Mr. Ass69 spent many years studying at the great musical institutes in Vienna, Paris and London after being considered a prodigy at just three by his tutor Johann Sebastian Bach.
He composed his first symphony while still potty training and had an exhausting childhood touring Europe performing for the aristocracy before channeling his godlike musical ability as a critic based in Paris at the age of just twelve. Although known for his harsh critical style, this review was particularly scathing and the artist will no wonder be devastated by the news that Mr. Ass69 was not sufficiently impressed with their at best mediocre musical ability, which pales in comparison to the genius that is Mr. Ass69 and his impressive back catalogue.
Nonetheless, some attempted to argue with Mr. Ass69, telling him to "go back to listening to his Justin Bieber and Jonas Brothers" because he could not appreciate "real music without autotune" to which he responded in a courteous and professional manner to be expected in such a talented individual: "FUCK OFF U FAG COME AND FIGHT ME PUSSY"
In the argument that followed, Mr. Ass69 demonstrated the Christian virtue of turning the other cheek, ultimately resulting in Mr. Ass69 telling the uninformed cultural philistine that his mother was employed in prostitution and that Mr. Ass69 had facilitated her services the night prior, sufficiently pleasuring her to sexual climax with his abnormally sized male genitalia. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/entertainment-gossip/126488/this-song-is-gay-concludes-celebrated-music-critic | en | "2016-07-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/23756e19812f73ac56a6fe30e4ac0844e382a7edeadb785afc52cc72b35b4ad4.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T13:06:56" | null | "2016-08-12T11:05:06" | Poll Predicts Hillary Beats Jesus : ONLY IN AMERICA For the last few weeks no one could have missed the Hillary and Donald presidential campaign circus More acts than Ringling Brothers More drama than The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Even a high building climb death defying a | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126621%2Fpoll-predicts-hillary-beats-jesus.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/Jesus.jpg | en | null | Poll Predicts Hillary Beats Jesus | null | null | www.thespoof.com | ONLY IN AMERICA - For the last few weeks no one could have missed the Hillary and Donald presidential campaign circus. More acts than Ringling Brothers. More drama than The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Even a high building climb, death defying act. The new wrinkle: More polls than there are in Poland. The news media finds a benign Donald Trump story, spins it beyond recognition, pounds the daily news from hundreds of so called experts for at least a week, then publishes a poll to prove their own conclusions. When it's a slow news day, what else? The polls become the lead story. This new political propaganda paradigm provides the perfect amalgamation between exhaustive biased reporting with voter mind control.
If you want to know how you think? There is a poll to tell you. Why are you or your friends never included in a poll? There is a poll to tell you that too. Worried about polls involving only a small number of people, like 0.0005% of the population? Not to worry. Polling accuracy is calculated by the same statisticians that work on the U.S. federal budget, which, by the way, is now $21 Trillion. That's 21,000,000,000,000 dollars, give or take a few billion dollars depending on what minute you read this.
Today, there are almost as many pollsters as there are political pundits. Together, they greatly outnumber the number of people being polled and voters - probably by millions. There's pollsters like: Ipsos, Gallup (yippee-ki-yay), Harris, D3, Rasmussen, Zogby, ZogMe, ZogYou, ZigZag, and Pew Research Center. Okay, so everyone can agree the last one's polls stink. And, don't forget CRAP - Cheerleaders Responsive Accurate Polling, Inc.
What if Jesus were alive and running against Hillary? What would the news headlines be? What would the polls reveal? Would he have a chance? Yes, maybe Jesus was a man of poverty, a man of peace, and it wouldn't be a fair fight. But, he did have his moments. Here are some of Jesus' more memorable quotes, events, and how they would appear in today's press, the Clinton camp response, with the resulting favorability poll for both of them.
Jesus Turns Water Into Wine
News Headline: A small group of homeless vagrants stumble through streets like drunken sailors proclaiming water was turned into wine
Hillary Clinton: I turned dead broke into a over $100 million family fortune with very little effort and a few speeches.
Jesus Questioned By Pharisees
News Headline: Jesus avoids interviewer's questions during religious interrogation - eludes to being the son of God
Clinton Camp: Who needs God when you have the press and polls on your side?
Jesus Proclaims: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
News Headline: Galilee - During gathering of partisan supporters, Jesus makes bold proclamation to make it appear he's not a war monger
Clinton Camp: Bernie Sanders mumbled something about Jesus' statement before being dragged off the Democratic Convention floor.
Lazarus Risen From the Dead
News Headline: Jewish rabbi brings rich guy back from dead. No poor people reported resurrected.
Hillary Clinton: I told you he only cares about the rich.
Jesus Feeds multitudes with two small fish and five loaves of bread
News Headline: Eyewitness reports a caravan of camels laden with seafood and bakery products seen hiding behind Mount of Beatitudes
Clinton Camp: Forget about fish and bread - we'll make sure you are on Food Stamps. You can buy whatever you want to eat!
Jesus Said: He who is without guilt, cast the first stone.
This one didn't make much of a news story. It has been speculated that some journalists may have a soul after all.
Clinton Camp: A Clinton insider said: "They were just glad Jesus didn't mention the word email."
Jesus Walks On Water
News Headline: After a long day of catching no fish and drowning their sorrows in wine, fishermen see man walking on water
Clinton Camp: Ha. Ha. Ha. Let's see him get out of some real tough situations without getting a scratch, like Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Vince Foster's death, presidential impeachment, and having his own email server.
Jesus Heals The Sick
News Headline: A blind man, previously reported reading a torah, can miraculously see again
Clinton Camp: Don't worry about getting sick, Obama Care will take care of you.
Jesus Throws Money Changers Out of Temple
News Headline: Rabble Rousing Rabi Ruckuses Religious Rotunda
News Commentary: Using a whip made out of cords, Jesus chases people and defenseless small animals, then angrily over turns money changer's tables. An eyewitness said "He went berserk and even scared small children and infants."
Hillary Clinton: I told you that Jesus guy was unstable, unfit, a meanie, doesn't believe in fair trade, and a baby beater. He will get what he deserves!
Final Poll Favorability Results:
Hillary: 95% Favorable
Jesus: 5% Favorable | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126621/poll-predicts-hillary-beats-jesus | en | "2016-08-12T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/5dc8b254ed308f3fb1abe4f8b1634e5a7144f8958ba2fb5c5f52e5afaebae5ea.json |
[
"Mike Peril"
] | "2016-08-26T13:05:01" | null | "2016-08-13T15:37:49" | Chris Christie Scales Trump Tower with Toilet Plungers Begging for Meeting : New York City NY NJ Governor Chris Christie was reportedly seen scaling Trump Tower using two toilet bowl plungers and a rope to try to secure a meeting with Donald J Trump Gov Christie climbed to the second floor of the famous glass tower onl | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126627%2Fchris-christie-scales-trump-tower-with-toilet-plungers-begging-for-meeting.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/User Uploads/3215-3120-1422Christie_a.jpg | en | null | Chris Christie Scales Trump Tower with Toilet Plungers Begging for Meeting | null | null | www.thespoof.com | New York City, NY - NJ Governor Chris Christie was reportedly seen scaling Trump Tower using two toilet bowl plungers and a rope to try to secure a meeting with Donald J. Trump. Gov. Christie climbed to the second floor of the famous glass tower only to fall to the sidewalk. He was carrying a backpack with a pillow in it which cushioned his fall.
Gov. Christie refused medical or psychiatric treatment, but was taken away screaming, "Please, please, tell them my name is Steve!"
Reporters located a YouTube video which Gov. Christie seems to have uploaded a day before the incident. The video shows Gov. Christie, who appears to be homeless wearing a torn hoodie, seeking a meeting with Mr. Trump. While the purpose of the meeting was not known, it was reported that Mr. Christie sought a bigger role in the Trump campaign, including a possible role in the presidential debates. He mentioned that his name was "Steve".
Gov. Christie stated in the video that "Mr. Christie" was willing to play the role of Hillary Clinton in mock debates with Mr. Trump, and that "Mr. Christie would even wear pink lipstick and a pantsuit."
Reporters contacted Gov. Christie's wife, Mary Pat Christie. "Can you hear my eyes roll?" she said, "After being passed up for VP, he desparately seeks attention."
It has not been a good week for the governor. This week staff members accused Gov. Christie of lying about Bridgegate, where Gov. Christie's staffers orchestrated a bridge traffic jam over several days. The traffic jam was in retaliation against the mayor of Fort Lee, New Jersey for failing to endorse the governor in his reelection campaign.
One NJ town mayor who governs right near the George Washington Bridge noted that Gov. Christie has now left a stain on both the State of New Jersey and Trump Tower.
"He's just an embarrassment, a bully, and such a loosa," said the local mayor who refused to give out his name for fear of further retribution. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126627/chris-christie-scales-trump-tower-with-toilet-plungers-begging-for-meeting | en | "2016-08-13T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/deba714be745d73714ba7eedfd826cc371073fc4b33d17ba3ecd0b43253ca296.json |
[] | "2016-08-26T13:06:05" | null | "2016-08-01T19:52:27" | Russian Secret Agent Reveals Truth About Wikileaks DNC Controversy : WASHINGTON It was reported on last Monday July 25 the Federal Bureau of Investigation FBI confirmed its investigation into the hack involving the Democratic National Committee DNC emails Since the breach of the DNC server was first announc | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126498%2Frussian-secret-agent-reveals-truth-about-wikileaks-dnc-controversy.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | Russian Secret Agent Reveals Truth About Wikileaks DNC Controversy | null | null | www.thespoof.com | WASHINGTON -- It was reported on last Monday, July 25, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) confirmed its investigation into the hack involving the Democratic National Committee (DNC) emails. Since the breach of the DNC server was first announced back in May, it's unclear why the FBI took so long to get moving. Presumably, the uproar at the Democratic National Convention over the leaks and firing of DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz had nothing to do with the timing of the announcement.
Back in June, FBI Directory James Comey made it unequivocally clear during his testimony regarding the former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's home-brew email server investigation, and when asked about whether the FBI was investigating suspected Clinton Foundation fraud, he said the FBI doesn't comment on ongoing investigations.
It's unsure why the FBI made an exception in the DNC leak case. It has been speculated the FBI is more frighten of Mrs. Clinton than the Russians. Obviously, the Russians are worried about Mrs. Clinton. Why else would they release DNC emails to affect the presidential election?
An inside, undisclosed FBI source, who also is suspected of being a FBI secret Russian double agent said: "Those FBI email research guys were probably just plum tuckered out after that year-long, exhaustive Clinton email investigation." This adds to the speculation why it took so long for the FBI to start on the DNC leak case. He also added: "This time the Russians are implicated." "Our 'bros' over at the CIA will be involved." He surmised: "With a little help from our friends, we will get them damn Russians - we weren't so lucky with our previous email investigation." He further speculated: "If it was the Russians behind the leaks it wasn't to affect the U.S. presidential election, rather they just wanted to boost Russian Vodka exports to the U.S."
Although there seems to be considerable evidence from the DNC email leaks to substantiate the Democratic National Committee's attempt to affect the U. S. presidential election, by rigging the primaries against Bernie Sanders, there was no mention of any new FBI investigation into those allegations or probe into what Federal Election Commission (FEC) rules might have been violated. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126498/russian-secret-agent-reveals-truth-about-wikileaks-dnc-controversy | en | "2016-08-01T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/645054b02f62831dd9391449cc15951670422ce9221bdd0e96c00fe5bf1acfc5.json |
[
"Dr. Billingsgate"
] | "2016-08-26T18:50:53" | null | "2016-08-03T15:33:36" | Hillary Reveals Chicken Butt Tattoo To Woo Millenials: Trump Reacts : BILLINGSGATE POST In an attempt to woo undecided Millennial voters Hillary Clinton yesterday went against traditional Democratic values to reveal what a casual observer might suggest is a tattoo of the business end of a chickens alimentary canal | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126512%2Fhillary-reveals-chicken-butt-tattoo-to-woo-millenials-trump-reacts.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/Cock.jpg | en | null | Hillary Reveals Chicken Butt Tattoo To Woo Millenials: Trump Reacts | null | null | www.thespoof.com | BILLINGSGATE POST: In an attempt to woo undecided Millennial voters, Hillary Clinton yesterday went against traditional Democratic values to reveal what a casual observer might suggest is a tattoo of the business end of a chicken's alimentary canal.
While campaigning in Rhode Island, whose state bird is the eponymous Rhode Island Red Hen, the usually reserved former Secretary of State and First Lady, yielding to calls from the raucous, chicken loving crowd to, "Take it off, Hillary," pulled down the bottom half of her fashionable pantsuit to reveal what appeared to be a tattoo of a chicken butt. Located where most homo sapiens might have a belly button, her tattoo, likewise, was centered approximately six inches above her mons pubis and directly below her sagging breasts.
Seeing this for the very first time, the frenzied spectators squawked and crowed:
Cock-a-doodle-doo, that's my old hen
She lays eggs the best she kin.
Sometimes nine, sometimes ten
Cock-a-doodle-doo, that's my old hen.
While I'm in here hatching white and brown,
He's (Bill) out there scratching around the town.
I ain't gonna take it sitting down.
"THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"
Well, the Donald wasn't about to take it sitting down either. In an interview with George Staphylococcus Sunday, he responded:
"George, when she pulled down her pantsuit, I didn't know what to expect. You've heard the rumors, of course. Quite frankly, I wouldn't put anything past Crooked Hillary. I haven't seen the tattoo close up. But from here, it looked like a chicken butt.
To me, it's just another example of her pandering to local interests. It will be interesting to see what she does when she goes to Iowa, where I understand they raise a lot of hogs. A chicken's butt is one thing. But a hog's ass would be quite a sight."
"DISGUSTING!" | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126512/hillary-reveals-chicken-butt-tattoo-to-woo-millenials-trump-reacts | en | "2016-08-03T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/fda4f200e81fa4ba56484030f800ed94154ef706e486e142e2e2dc012584c2ed.json |
[
"Nicholas Renteria"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:10" | null | "2016-08-30T18:05:49" | Stanford rapist Brock Turner to be awarded medal for bravery : SANTA CLARA Calif Ealier this week it was announced that convicted Stanford rapist Brock Turner would be released after serving half of his six month jail sentence
The Santa Clara District Attorneys office has now released a statement anno | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126764%2Fstanford-rapist-brock-turner-to-be-awarded-medal-for-bravery.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof// | en | null | Stanford rapist Brock Turner to be awarded medal for bravery | null | null | www.thespoof.com | SANTA CLARA, Calif. -- Ealier this week it was announced that convicted Stanford rapist Brock Turner would be released after serving half of his six month jail sentence.
The Santa Clara District Attorney's office has now released a statement announcing that it will bestow upon Turner a medal for "bravery in the face of extreme adversity."
"It is our pleasure to award Mr. Turner this medal for spending a full three months in prison, despite the terrible effect it may have had on his self-worth," the statement reads.
Turner was convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman behind a garbage can on the Stanford University campus. His six month sentence was already deemed by many to be too lenient, but the Santa Clara DA disagrees.
"If not for the wise benevolence of Judge Aaron Persky," the statement continues, "Mr. Turner might have risked serious and lasting damage to his mental health as well as his faith in the United States justice system."
The statement also goes on to recommend Turner be awarded the key to the city of Santa Clara pending the successful completion of his three-year probationary period.
"We understand how difficult it will be for Mr. Turner to control himself over the next few years, particularly after being surrounded by criminals, entrenched in an atmosphere of depravity for three long months with nothing but his character to guard his modest and delicate sensibilities.
"But after defying the odds and persevering through such a severe punishment, we have enormous faith that this young man can make it through this next test without any further indiscretions."
Judge Persky could not be reached for comment. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126764/stanford-rapist-brock-turner-to-be-awarded-medal-for-bravery | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/2b494a19a201e78dc85aa9a57a10cbbd87a4becdda0a3d3ed3abbaf880474e36.json |
[
"Joseph K Winter"
] | "2016-08-26T13:07:54" | null | "2016-08-11T16:23:07" | Trump sues his own mouth following diagnosis of rare disease first described by Shakespeare : GOP candidate for president Mr Donald Trump is currently taking himself to court in a suit against his own mouth and its insinuations
Mr Trump indicates he might be persuaded to call off the suit with sufficient monetary compensation but onl | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fus%2F126615%2Ftrump-sues-his-own-mouth-following-diagnosis-of-rare-disease-first-described-by-shakespeare.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/81206-2100Shakespeare.jpg | en | null | Trump sues his own mouth following diagnosis of rare disease first described by Shakespeare | null | null | www.thespoof.com | GOP candidate for president Mr. Donald Trump is currently taking himself to court in a suit against his own mouth and its insinuations.
Mr. Trump indicates he might be persuaded to call off the suit (with sufficient monetary compensation), but only in the event his mouth curbs itself from future "dark barbs in the direction of an opponent," affecting his candidacy.
At issue at this time is Mr. Trump's remark aimed at Hillary Clinton involving the second amendment:
"Hillary wants to abolish the second amendment. By the way, if she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know."
Mr. Trump's remark has been interpreted in a range from he meant "if so, you second amendment people really need to get out to vote against her" to "if so, you second amendment people, with your guns, could put a stop to her."
A considerable manure storm has developed, relating to other possibly innocent comments from Mr. Trump, including "knock the crap out of him" and "I wanted to hit him so hard his head would spin, literally."
In short, his mouth (which Mr. Trump denies responsibility for) has suggested he favors violence for political solutions.
A medical team headed by Dr. Phillip Swinigan (pronounced "swine again") has determined Mr. Trump's verbal problems belong to the field of "eruptometrics," which includes ore furo ("mouth run amok") and de lingua imperium ("tongue out of control").
Mr. Trump's specific ailment is known as ejaculadis mentis, or "Jack Cade Disease."
This illness was first brought to light by Shakespeare in his Henry VI, part 2, with the character Jack Cade, a rabble rouser, who anticipated Mr. Trump as with, "My mouth shall be the parliament of England" (IV, vii, 11-12).
Mr. Trump has voiced admiration for this character, telling Bill O'Reilly of Fox News that he likes the idea that "My mouth could be, you know, the controller of the United States, and the globe in general."
However, Mr. Trump also acknowledges that, at times, his mouth descends toward "too mouthy," which takes up his time defending and correcting.
He told Mr. O'Reilly, "It's like having an infant that's too often rebelling against me, and needs a good dose of the belt."
Hence to his lawsuit, which he hopes will be adjudicated by someone with an Anglo-Saxon name, if possible. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/us/126615/trump-sues-his-own-mouth-following-diagnosis-of-rare-disease-first-described-by-shakespeare | en | "2016-08-11T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/6572fcad2f00ae2b5fcc64733a151ffd5bb07d4877b0a4418897a541741080af.json |
[
"Thomas O'Hanlon"
] | "2016-08-30T22:52:15" | null | "2016-08-30T00:19:54" | ISIS likely to host 2024 Olympics : Chairman Luger Spence today announced a new entry in the field of 2024 Olympic hosts adding that if Isis can pull this off it would be hard to make any other choice
The announcement was made by a very distressed looking Mr Spence at an unnam | http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespoof.com%2Fspoof-news%2Fworld%2F126760%2Fisis-likely-to-host-2024-olympics.json | http://images.spoof-media.com/thespoof/pdi/15407-0553manmic.jpg | en | null | ISIS likely to host 2024 Olympics | null | null | www.thespoof.com | Chairman Luger Spence today announced a new entry in the field of 2024 Olympic hosts adding that "if Isis can pull this off, it would be hard to make any other choice."
The announcement was made by a very distressed looking Mr. Spence at an unnamed desert like location surrounded by what appeared to be several Isis members dressed in their usual black garb however in white lettering "Olympic committee" was spelled across the chest.
A man describing himself as Hay Yabbot, COMMISSIONER OF ISIS OLYMPIC COMMITTEE AND MONUMENT DISMANTLING said "we can promise you any sporting venue throughout the infidel world providing it is still standing, you want Yankee stadium? You got it, Tokyo? It's yours. No parking issues or housing for all the infidels will be dead…hahaha Isis humor, I kid you. We at Isis are not liking the bad publicity that our grab for destiny is creating and in hosting the Olympics we hope to show our good natured sporting side"
Mr. Yabbot, perhaps in a jovial mood on the day of the announcement continued to humor the viewers "Hey how many infidels will it take to screw in the lightbulbs at the 2024 Olympics? None, they'll all be dead hahahaha, one more, why did the infidel chicken cross the road during the 2024 Olympics?...anybody?....Luger?...the infidel chicken did not cross the road in the 2024 Olympics because all infidel chickens will be dead! Hahahahaha!"
At that point the film ended, no word of the whereabouts of Luger Spence has been provided. | http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/126760/isis-likely-to-host-2024-olympics | en | "2016-08-30T00:00:00" | www.thespoof.com/8e561e51289947e7b9e5844382c237c6745b9da28f192dc52f8a9f1a8b0bb0a6.json |