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"I’d never believe it myself, but I think I would say the same about you."
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No one finished the unsaid part of those sentences. Instead they stayed up all night, drinking tea and eventually Hermione would sneak in a bear. Astoria got tipsy very easy and Nicola followed. Hermione had a lovely drunkenness, everything was amusing her in such a state. They’d argue about magic and spells, get tangled up in theories: Astoria would lie down on floor between their bodies and listen to them debate for hours. Her mind was slipping away and betraying her. Sometimes a memory of Draco would appear, visiting her like a ghost. And he was so pale, so ghost-like. She’d force herself to picture his face in her memories and with each day that passed, details of his features faded in her mind.
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The next day the door creaked as it opened in the morning. To Astoria’s surprise Hermione was visiting her again, this time dressed in her Hogwarts’s uniform and her professional, serious face on. That meant it was time to go. Orders. Astoria discovered she had a horrible headache from the handover as she left the bed behind. The last time she got so drunk was in Slytherin’s common room with people she almost called friends. They teased her, and they were mean to her, but somehow she missed them.
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A suspicion arose in her as the descended the staircase. Maybe it was all to ease her to oblige to their wishes now, to follow orders. They saved her for that, after all, she reminded herself. Nicola liked Hermione but he didn’t trust her. In fact, he trusted no one.
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They’re at war, remember that, remember what that means for us, he would tell her.
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There was no room for protest. She recognised a few faces immediately when entering the living room in the house, a place she rarely visited. Kingsley was here, the real Mad-Eye Moody. The last time she saw them was when they escaped her father. If only Astoria knew how bad of a gamble she’d made.
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Knowing Ilay, Astoria often wondered what her life could be if she was reunited with him truly. He seemed more sad then cruel. Nicola despised him, called him a liar and a deceiver, but Astoria felt a foreign love come in her life with Ilay and it seemed so few people cared for her like that. A horrible confession was that she regrated not turning back and going with him even if it led her to Voldemort.
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That was past. Now Kingsley welcomed her with a discrete bow, lowering his gaze. Moody aways stared at her as if he was challenging her to a duel. She ignored them both. Liars and deceivers.
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"Are you ready, Elroy?", Lupin said to her and they eyes met. He barely looked at her after what happened to Sirius. If Harry had managed somehow to forgive her, this man never did.
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"I am", she said firmly.
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On the table were her old clothes. A suit she used to fight in. They gave her privacy to change. It felt like a foreigner was putting her own skin as a costume. She’d lost weight, that was noticeable, but her body, her whole being was memory. And Astoria remembered what power felt like and grew hungrier for it once more.
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The pin, she took herself from her room. The blood-red shined like an open wound on her shoulders. May they know, may they see her for who she really is – an accomplished witch of the Elroy bloodline. The first to ever be.
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"What is expected of me?", Astoria repeated the question.
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"Harry and Hermione will be attending a private Christmas party in Hogwarts. We will use this opportunity and Ron and Ginny will sneak you in the castle. Their mission is their own and yours is to make sure no harm comes to them".
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"That’s it?", Astoria couldn’t help as the anger slipped out.
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"Yes, that’s it." Alastor Moody answered firmly. "If something is to come their way, remove it".
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She understood what he meant.
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They evaporated at sunset. Ron held her firmly like he was afraid she’d run away. Astoria never quite got used to the Weasley siblings. Fred and George were funny. They certainly made Umbridge’s life hell and that was a victory in itself. The whole school respected them for it. Astoria wasn’t sure what happened to them after. Percy had the attitude of a pureblood and maybe that’s why he never showed up at the Order’s meetings, but the rest were rather annoying. Ginny was brave and strong, but dangerous. Astoria liked her best and despised her the most.
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Returning to Hogwarts felt heavier on her heart. All thoughts disappeared the moment Astoria laid eyes on the bricks on the walls and the length of the hallways. It was nighttime when they arrived. The sun was set. Lights were still lingering, but it seemed more students were in bed. Astoria felt an overwhelming loneliness as nostalgia crashed in her like a wave. She looked around, Ron was already walking ahead, but her feet were frozen. It was like they emptied the caste for her and there was so, so much space compared to that little room they kept her in. So much wasted time in there. Astoria could talk with Nicola and spend eternity in her own consciousness but nothing could replace freedom.
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"Keep up", Ron barked at her as he and Ginny were already ahead of her.
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They had a secret mission. Of course, they wouldn’t share details with her. As far as Astoria could figure they were headed somewhere on the last floor of the castle. The hallways felt empty as the echo of their steps haunted the space around them.
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The paintings gasped and stared at Astoria, who no longer hid her red eye. They knew her, they knew her family. Most of the accomplished wizards from her line that had attended Hogwarts were winners of the Triwizarding cup – that meant eternal glory.
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They were all dark wizards, she reminded herself and tightened her jaw around the thought, And so am I –
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"What do you have to do here?"
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"It’s confidential. But we are searching for something and when we find it, we will go back", Ginny said calmly.
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"And if you don’t?"
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"We come back again and search for it when there is an opportunity".
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"With what can I help?"
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"Stay on guard", Ron said to her coldly.
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The dislike between them was mutual.
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"Oh, my!", a voice echoed around them. They froze for a second but turned in an instant. It was Theodore Nott, beside him were Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zhanini.
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"I never imagined I would catch two Weasleys and an Elroy sneaking in school", he said with a mocking voice.
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"If Astoria is here, they are up to something", Draco warned Nott. His grey eyes met hers.
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Cold bastard, she thought as her fingers hid in fists. No emotion was visible on his face and she knew the same could not be said for her. Her heart skipped a beat and it shook her whole body.
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Each night when she tried to imagine him, to put the pieces she had of him together and make him whole again in her mind, his face was always blurry. The nose wasn’t right or the grin she had saved as in image did not fit perfectly with the way he would appear to her. Nothing compared to seeing him in flesh and blood. All made sense now.
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Immediately Hermione’s words came to Astoria’s mind. There was a change in him. He was still Draco Malfoy, but he looked paler. Crueler with sharpened features like a dog left to starve so hunger could re-shape him into a wolf. His hair was also shorter, perfectly groomed and he wore a beautiful black suit that created the illusion he was older and not a boy of seventeen.
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"I’ll take care of them. You finish your job and we meet at the exit of the castle", Astoria announced.
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Ginny nodded and ran. Ron hesitated for a second looking at the three of them but concluded that even if she’d fail it would still give them time.
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"If you betray us and Harry, I will personally kill you", he hissed as he turned around to follow his sister.
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"I see you’ve made new friends", Nott teased with a laugh.
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None of them seemed afraid of her. They also didn’t seem impressed with her look and Astoria realized the months spent in isolation probably made her look weak and frail rather than frightening.
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"If he sent you, know it is too late", Draco said coldly.
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That didn’t mean anything to her. She didn’t even know why she was here except to make sure for those boys to not make a step further.
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"If you are thinking about fighting me, know it is too late", she replied with the same ice in her voice.
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Acta non Verba. Deeds not Words. Blaise’s eyes rolled back. His body fell flat on the ground. Astoria smiled. A spell followed, aiming on her left, but she dodged it.
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I’m rusty, she realized as her movements were slower than usual. Another curse, this time Draco’s.
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Rage suddenly stopped whispering to her and a violent scream tore from her consciousness. The echo of it being pure power. He was her lover and he had betrayed her. Last time she saw him he kissed her and promised her salvation. This time he was pointing a wand at her. Betraying her once more.
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Theo Nott came close to landing a hit. The distance between them shortened. He was bolder, less afraid. Fearless, even, like a Gryffindor, like a fool ready to die.
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"I pity you, having to serve them like that", he laughed at her.
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Astoria remembered this laugh. How charming he was with two dimples at the side of his lips when he smiled even in malice. She still hadn’t tried to attach them, only Blaise was lying motionless on the floor. It did make them feel safer as if they had the upper hand. She suddenly smiled as wide as possible, all her teeth out of her lips.
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Power hides in the shadows –
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Astoria stopped and stared at them. Draco Malfoy moved gracefully but with much force. His breath was steady, he twisted his wand as he shot a spell at her. There was always a chance he was pretending. There was always a chance he wasn’t. Astoria moved slowly with just a step away.
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That was the thing with liars and deceivers. You could never truly trust them. They always got you by surprise.
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"You seem uninterested in fighting", Theo said to her once more.
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He had strong hands. Something to do with Quidditch, she thought as he grabbed her firmly. A wand pressed to her neck.
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"I want to talk", she said sharply, facing him.
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"I don’t remember you being very talkative, but we’d love to hear your story in front of the Dark Lord, won’t we, Draco?"
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Her eyes starred into him. There was no way to not feel discomfort so close to the redness in one of her eyes. An eerie reminder of the cost that was paid for this color – blood.
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"Are you afraid they will kill your little sister, Theo?", Astoria asked calmly.
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Suddenly he released her, a step back from her. His eyes widened. There was no way she’d know that. He tried to remind herself to be rational. This was confidential. However, Astoria knew Theo Nott was educated on Legilimency and those with the natural gift for it could read minds. It was a rare skill, too rare.
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But it was a very specific threat they told him, so he’d behave better after he failed once. It was Anton Dolohov who whispered to him his sister’s name as a warning-
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"Maria", Astoria smiled, "A beautiful name, I’d imagine a beautiful girl, that’s why they told you they will rape her. All of them at once. Horrible. ".
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He leapt forward. A wand pushed in her skin and it hurt. Astoria could read the curse in his mind, she could catch the letters one by one – C, R, U –
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Pain was always demanding from her. She never got used to it, not really. Her body flinched but he grabbed her firmly and she gasped as his hands held her so tight the skin bruised under his fingers.
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"You shut your mouth, whore", he hissed.
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Theo always had this suppressed darkness inside, she had thought before.
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That boy was the first boy to ask her to the Yule Ball. Astoria remembered seeing him for the first time and thinking his eyes were kind. Big and gentle. A great liar, maybe, but sweet like a puppy. Nothing like the crazy look he had now.
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"Do you know what happened to the boy in the forest", she whispered.
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Gregory, his name was fucking Gregory and Theo stepped back suddenly. That made no difference, a heat came over him, horrible feeling like he stood too close to a burning flame and got dizzy. Darkness consumed him in seconds and his body fell flat on the ground next to Blaise. The eyes rolled back, all white.
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Only one remained. Astoria took a sharp breath as her back left the wall. Draco was staring at her with caution, he didn’t get close, he knew very well what she could do to him but multiple people at the same time – that was new information.
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It was physical contact that made the connection easy, he thought at first because she only did it when they were....physical. There was practically no resistance the mind could hold against her push. It truly was a terrifying power and she had used it on Blaise without even getting close to him. Just a look is all it took. But Astoria had other weaknesses; some he feared were already lost. There was a worrying calmness in her.
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"I thought they’d kill you for failing", she said coldly.
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"I am too important to die", he replied in the same tone.
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"No one is too important to die. That pride will get you killed".
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He remained quiet. It was dangerous but he knew her movements. Her body- , a thought occurred and he quickly drowned it down. Love was dangerous. He needed to quit it. That was the original plan. Somewhere he had failed to do so.
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"Are they good to you?", he said quietly.
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"Better than your master would be to me, I imagine".
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"Your father is the only reason why they have agreed to keep you alive. Killing you would be like a sport to some. That could be different if you were to come to him yourself".
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"I imagine it would bring great glory to the family who manages to wipe out extinct one of the greatest bloodlines to ever be", she said sarcastically. He got the hint.
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That was always an option, Nicola had told her. They were a great family, with powerful magic, but they were no gods.
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"I had the offer, once", he said moving his eyes slowly as he finally pushed himself to cast a spell. Stunner. That was indeed the smartest option with her. And he was quick with it, but she kept distance between them exactly for this purpose – to have the time to move.
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Dodged. He couldn’t see her for a moment, until he felt her hand on his back. Draco turned faster than lightning but there was no one there. Then he looked around until he tripped. Blaise’s body twisted in his feet and he almost fell.
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Balance held him on his feet. He needed to concentrate. It was reckless of him to run in his mind while she played with him.
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"Have you missed me?", he teased. It was to get her angry. Sure, he had seen what anger brought out of her, but anger was an unstable emotion that eventually led to failure. There was no control in rage and if he just managed to keep her talking, get her angry and see an opening -
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Astoria immediately faced him. There was no response and they stared in silence for a few seconds. Draco took his chances. The spell crashed in a white light. It was strong, her will was devouring. He supported his arm with the other, pushing back. It had an effect as he saw the white light shorten to almost nothing. Then a blast.
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The floor welcomed him as he fell. It pushed him away and his back crashed in the wall. Astoria was kneeling over him, her face expressionless.
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"You’re good, but you’re not me. I’m an accomplished witch. I told you that once, I warned you", she said with a horrible smile on her face. Her fingers were touching his forehead.
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He realized it but it was too late. A door had opened. His eyes widened in horror as something pulled him in. Then it was gone. Draco fell unconscious just like the rest but no sleep took him away. His consciousness was wide awake in a dark space, foreign to him.
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Glass shattered underneath his knee. It was hot. Two silhouettes stared at him while he struggled to rise to his feet.
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"I think you should kill him", Nicola said as anger flashed in his two red eyes.
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"I love him", Astoria replied but there was no affection in her tone.
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"You hate him", Nicola corrected her.
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"It seems there is no difference".
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"I’m hot", Draco suddenly gasped for breath as he reached to take off his blazer. Her hand clapped his fingers away before he could even reach the sleeve. The warm sensation of the skin contact left him confused for a second like he just remembered something forgotten. The familiarity of her skin, the way he had felt her before-
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"Do not touch or remove anything. It’s dangerous for you".
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"They will find it in my memories", he gasped suddenly.
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Astoria turned and scanned him with her eyes. The Death Eaters probably explored his mind, tortured him and interrogated him. He was a spy, after all. Better to see for themselves than to trust his word. And that meant they knew her the way he did. Her body and her face and her lust.
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"It’s not the same technique as ours, but it’s useful in interrogations. You can enter someone’s mind and browse through memories. It’s not like reading minds, a lot more visual. Dangerous to us", it was Nicola who provided an explanation.
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Voldemort valued loyalty more than anything, that’s what they said. You had to be an exceptionally good wizard to be able to lie or hide memories during such an interrogation. It was like penetrating someone’s mind. Of course, it was possible to resist, but very rare and hard.
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"Our technique is better. More effective in destroying one’s will. It traps and devours the person completely", Nicola added.
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