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"They make fun of you for taking me to the ball. Don’t they?", Astoria whispered to him. Something that had occurred to her only this night. |
"No, they mock me for being caught making out with you after the ball and that I still haven’t shagged you, but I’d say that’s it." |
"I guess I’m sorry as well", she said softly. Their eyes still hadn’t met. |
"I don’t care. I never really cared much about any of them." |
"And me?", the words slipped out from her lips. |
"I never cared about you either." |
Maybe it was fair. Astoria also never cared for them. The dislike was mutual as she always felt alienated by them. Or she’d just choose that for herself? It was something to wonder about. |
"I’m really drunk", Draco said suddenly as he looked at her with his dark blue eyes. "I think I should go." |
Only she didn’t wish for him to do so. Not now when he had this light pink flush on his cheekbones that made him look so attractive with his messy hair that fell over his forehead. And his lips – they looked red from the wine and it made her wonder would they taste like it as well? |
"We could just talk a bit. I always think you keep secrets from me", she confessed with hope he’d do the same. |
"I don’t want to talk to you." |
"Yes, I did notice you avoiding me tonight." |
He let out a sarcastic laugh and took a large sip from the bottle. |
"Actually, it’s you who’s avoiding me. Did you forget?" |
Astoria blushed. It was her fear that kept her away from him and sometimes she did forget about it, especially under the influence of alcohol. It was a constant battle with herself. Who she was supposed to be and who she feared she was becoming. |
"I’m afraid of myself when I’m with you", she confessed. |
"Am I that horrible?" |
"I used to think you are, yes." |
"Do you still think that?" |
"Honestly, I’m not sure". |
Draco Malfoy lowered his gaze as his eyes were growing darker. Astoria didn’t even notice when he had moved but his face was inches away from her. There was something off about him. How lost he seemed in his gaze, the flush on his pale skin. His uniform was half missing, as if everything about him was out of balance. |
"I am far more horrible than you can even imagine me to be", he said with a grin – that crooked, curled-lip that made her shiver in forbidden places of both mind and body. |
The alcohol was already mixed in his blood pushing him to move – his fingers in her hair, on her face, tracing her lips, a warm touch on her shoulder, her warm skin burning like fire. |
"I think I should go", he repeated as his eyes dropped to her lips. |
He’s losing control, Astoria realized, taking in his image and how handsome he was at this very moment. Bare, no masks, unstable in a way, but in the most beautiful way she’d seen. |
"Stay with me", she whispered. |
This time something inside of her broke. There were no more boundaries. Guilt and shame were gone from her, only desire remained as their lips met. He was starving for her, his body pushing her on the ground as he pressed next to her. And it felt like a new kind of kiss because she answered it with more anticipation than he’d predicted. It felt like her best kiss, because there was nothing holding her back in it, no anxiousness in the way her lips brushed next to his and the way her tongue welcomed his in a lovely dance. There was also tenderness when she pulled him closer, explored his body with her hands, tracing the tips of a few fingers all over his chest, caressing him everywhere. |
Draco shook his head startled and pulled away for a second to take a better look at her. There was something different in her eyes, a shine he’d never seen. The blush on her face made him go insane as if it was the softest thing he’d seen. Forbidden for him to touch, but he wanted to touch her and to break her with it. To hurt her until she screamed his name and to make her believe how cruel he could be, only for her to stop being so fucking naïve. |
But he wouldn’t say she was innocent either. The way her lips parted in the shape of an "O", expecting him to slide in them. Astoria wanted this and teased him, played him. |
And anger slipped in. He held her hands above her head only to remind her how much stronger he was. His fingers tangled in hers. The kisses were sharp like knives on her skin. Everything he did seemed calculated, precise, mastered with practice. The worst was the sensation of losing yourself. He stole her from herself. |
Draco Malfoy used to be mean to her, to humiliate her and now he had her in his arms. It felt unfair, yet he made sin feel so right it was impossible to stop. He was like heroin, it got into her blood. This is what she feared the most. |
"I can’t – ", she gasped as reason tried to push through her mind, feeling him grow bolder with his touch. |
"I’m not going to let you slip away this time", he groaned. "If you say his name again, I’ll push it back your throat and make you scream mine. Do you understand?", |
This time he sounded commanding and cruel, just like she knew him to be. |
"You don’t understand, I’m afraid", Astoria whimpered, trying to cry out, but it sounded like a moan. Her own voice betraying her. |
Astoria tried to fight it, to push him away, yet her body didn’t. He knew when to touch and when to stop when his fingers traced the silk under her skirt, putting pressure on the exact spots that needed it. And she knew nothing, how could she contain something inside herself when he just pushed her to discover it. It was good, his sloppy kisses tasted more bitter than any wine and it made her drunk. Breath betrayed her and so did her heart. |
"You should be afraid, because I’ll take everything from you", he said, a plain threat, there was no lie and no mercy in him, "Say my name, blush for me and show him the scars I’ll leave on you." |
There was pain when his hand twisted around her throat to hold her down. It felt good. It made her dizzy. The way his hands controlled her body was undeniable. Should’ve been forbidden to enjoy it but she did. Better than the first time, more intense and he grew bolder in his touch as his fingers were familiar with the curves of her. |
Draco pulled her closer to himself, until she found herself sitting on top of him in his lap. So close to his face, to everything really. Something hard was pushing to reach her between her legs and it felt exciting feeling him like this. He noticed how wide her eyes were, surprised to fill him like this, so Draco grabbed her hips and yanked her in, so she’d really feel it. And when he started guiding her hips with his hand in a gliding rhythm against him, her eyes rolled back from pleasure. |
"Yeah, just like that", he groaned, and his head tilted back to the wall behind. "Fuck, yeah – ." |
It filled her with pride to see him enjoy it as well, so she got looser and bolder with her movements with no need for guidance. Astoria never felt so free of shame as her fingers twisted in his blonde hair and her body leaned to him for support because everything inside of her, every logical sense and mechanism in her body simply gave in. And he made it addictive as he traced the length of her skin with his tongue, leaving bruises on her neck so next morning she couldn’t dare to look at anyone else but him. Then he bit her ear and her whole body shook with surprise as it felt forbidden to bide there and wrong to like it so much. |
Then he licked her neck again and laughed. An ugly laugh. There was no telling where his hands were on her body. |
"When I pushed him off the broom, I told him you’ll scream my name tonight", Draco hissed as his grip tightened around her waist. There was no escape. |
"You promised you won’t hurt him", she cried out only it was in pleasure from the overwhelming sensation that had her under his control. |
"I lied", he laughed in her ear and bit it again. |
His hands started going lower, tracing her hips, grabbing her ass and pinching the skin on her body as to scare her, only to bring her back under hypnosis with lust. |
"You said you could be gentle", she cried out stretching her body in desperation and pleasure, intertwined. |
This got to him. Draco pulled back a bit as he just remembered. His vision was suddenly blurry from the sharp movement. Astoria took this opportunity and quickly pulled back as well. Sense returned to them as they stared with redness on their face. |
"I did", he said suddenly softer, "And I meant it. I want it to be good for you." |
"You have to understand –", she tried to calm her breath but he interrupted her. |
"I don’t understand! You keep pushing me away, but I can see you staring with jealousy when I talk to Pansy. And even if I ignore all that, I’d still have enough proof in the way your body begs me to fuck you", he snapped as he grabbed her hips and yanked her next to himself so hard a whimper came out of her mouth. |
"It’s true", Astoria felt embarrassed as she said it. |
"Then what is it?" |
There were many secrets to confess to him. Before that she’d need to admit it to herself first. The horror inside, a feeling that had no roots but old branches that stretched trough her mind. Living felt forbidden. Loving was worse. And the pleasure of freedom, of not thinking, of being careless and true – that was a sin. |
"It’s just that – well, you - you’re drunk", she said suddenly as an excuse. |
Draco laughed loudly as he lifted her chin. |
"You’re a terrible liar", he said with a smile that started sweet but twisted with malice, "And you should know, tomorrow I’ll be sobber." |
"Come to me then tomorrow." |
"I don’t believe you", his eyes narrowed with suspicion. |
And her hands grabbed his face, felt the sharpness in his cheekbones and got lost in his hair as it was she who lowered to him. |
"Come to me", Astoria whispered softly into his ear as she kissed his neck. Not like he did with her, but softer, with more care. |
This was her punishment to him now. To be gentle. To be vulnerable and true like he never was with her. No ice, no coldness, only a melting warm feeling and she watched with satisfaction when the ice melted from him. |
Draco leaned to her; his body heavy against hers as he took a deep breath. Even his breath was heavy as he refused to look at her but breathed against her skin. |
"Lie to me", he whispered. "I love it." |
A terrifying confession rolled on her tongue, but he never stayed to hear it. As if something stung him. Draco never bothered looking back when he had enough, he just got up and grabbed the bottle of wine or at least what was left of it. |
"I’ll come tomorrow and if you play again some of your tricks, I’ll make life living hell for you", he said as he shot her with an ice-cold glare. Just like she remembered him to be. |
"Threats? Really?", Astoria snapped, jumping up from the floor. |
And he pointed at her face, mimicking the gestures she’d use during dueling with Alastor Moody. It was a threat she would recognize anytime. |
"No more lies." |
He had better self-control than she did, Astoria noted to herself with bitterness as she watched him walk away. |
As few hours passed when she finally decided to go to bed which meant going to trough the common room. Everything was a mess. Music was still playing, a lot quieter now. Bottles and glasses rolled on the floor as traps. A few people had stayed. Pansy was in Theodore Nott’s lap as he caressed her leg up to her tight and through her curves. She looked like a cat. Apparently, she lied earlier. Marcus had passed out on the ground and a few students were probably pulling a prank on him, Astoria recognized among them Blaise who had his wand out and a horrible smile. Draco wasn’t there. |
The next day was her last day before training with Moony began again. It was a full moon and a bright night. Astoria waited for everyone to go to bed and then a bit more so she could see them sleep. That’s when she went to search for him, prepared to wait all night just so he wouldn’t show. But Draco was already there. His hair was messy, he was dressed informally as if to go to bed, all in black. |
"I didn’t expect you to come before me", she said surprised. |
"I was impatient". |
They walked away from the Slytherin common room and went deeper in the castle. On the third floor in the classroom they made out the first time during the Yule Ball. It was a subconscious choice that Astoria recognized only after she picked it and took a look inside. |
Draco didn’t utter a word and was clenching his jaw the whole time, refusing any sound to escape him. When they finally found a discrete place, he turned and cast a spell to lock the door. |
"Are you going to explain yourself now?", his tone cold as he crossed his arms. |
"I don’t want to have sex with you but I want you, so I had no choice but to avoid you until the feeling goes away", Astoria confessed to him. There was no point in lying or being delicate about it. Truth was truth. |
"And did it?", he grinned. |
"What?", she let out only to figure it out after that that he was ridiculing her with her own words. |
"I’d ask if the feeling went away, but you’re obviously here to get fucked", he let out an ugly laugh that twisted her fingers in fists. Merlin, he really did have a punchable face. |
"How dare you –" |
"I won’t disappoint, I promise that", Draco brushed his hair back and made two large steps towards her that quickly startled her and she hurried to step back. |
"What are you so afraid of?", he asked. "I told you I could be gentle". |
"No", she cut him off, snapping back his hands away from her. "I’m afraid I’ll get pregnant. On purpose". |
"I don’t want to be a father. I haven’t lived yet", Draco dropped his shoulders and leaned towards one of the tables. "I know you’re a virgin but you should know that there are contraceptive potions and charms. I can also just not cum inside of you – ". He paused for a minute as he stared at her with a darkness in his gaze. "I’d want it to be inside". |
"You don’t understand", she sighted. "If I get pregnant they will kill me". |
A quiet laugh came out of his lips. He looked at her with disbelief. It was all a joke to him and that made her furious. At least with Harry she didn’t have to convince him of her misery, but then again, she had to lie to him about other things. |
"They don’t know you’re here", he said calmly. |
"How do you know that?", she snapped at him back. |
"I know", he insisted and pressed his lips shut. |
There was something in his voice that scared her and Astoria pulled back to study him. He sounded sure of it as if he personally had asked them, seen them at least. It scared her, though he was in a sense an aristocrat and he probably knew other pureblood families. There was a high chance he knew her family. |
"I’m sure they wish you dead, but a baby isn’t going to change or enhance that. Wanting someone dead is just wanting him dead no matter what. Simple", he said. |
It was new for her to hear him talk like this. Just like in class, cold and collected, but different. Not because he wasn’t discussing a school subject, or just being mean as he usually was, it was the fact that he knew a lot more than he lets on. The Malfoys were connected to other families and other sources of power in the magical world. This is why Harry suspected Draco Malfoy in second year to be the true hair of Slytherin. He commanded respect just by being himself. By being Draco Malfoy. This is why his peers kept close, admired him and tried to befriend him. They came to him, always, never the other way around. |
"Maybe not my family", Astoria quickly tried to change the subject, "Igor Karkaroff. Maybe Dumbledore. Any powerful wizard would hunt me down to kill me". |
"This sounds absurd. I know the first time could be scary but you sound insane. Am I going to curse you with my sperm or something?" |
"The genes in me might be recessive as I am a girl, but if I have a son, he will be the most powerful wizard of his time. An accomplished wizard of the Elroy bloodline", she said calmly. |
"The last one is dead", she then added as the silence bothered her. |
"Where did you read this?", Draco chuckled. |
"Dumbledore told me", this sentence finally had some effect on him as she stopped grinning with irony and rather took her serious. |
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