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mangoes AI 17

working but looking ward thailand and this week bank holiday weekend

just got a tennis top in the post but i don t like it and it too big shame

off to see my german girl for her last night in brisbane

i don t know i don t know i don t know i really really don t know what is going on and i am very confused and afraid for the last year and some change i have not been able to avoid the constant intense desire to violently commit suicide i fight it by trying to think hard about my family and friend and dog and all the good thing in life i have to life for but i am tired of fighting my own brain this hard every single moment of the day there are many many day where it feel like i reach my absolute breaking point and i think i m going to do it but then if i let a couple of hour go by or smoke some weed i feel fine great even but thats the thing i never really know when that s going to end i don t know the next time i ll feel better or the next time i ll feel this low it just kind of hit me and catch me off guard every single time i have always had intense emotional problem even since early childhood and i recall having suicidal ideation at even like or year old i have been diagnosed a bipolar a year ago but i absolutely believe i have a wild case of bpd i have thought that since high school but only in these recent sophomore and junior year of college have the suicidal ideation have become intense urge it feel like i have tried every other option to try to feel happy better but they all either don t work to work for a short time and eventually fail i ve tried therapy last year for the first time thru my school it wa okay they put me on mg abilify and that helped a bit seemed when i wa on the med i would often joke to myself i m glad im on these med because if i wasn t i wa definitely going to kill myself but i dont take them anymore my mother wa very concerned about all the side effect i wa having random spell of fainting or vomiting and heavily encouraged me to get off it and she also mentioned that maybe my emotional problem were intensified by the sudden condition from covid on a teenager well i wa back then and that everyone wa going through a hard time and that made sense to me so i decided to get off it i dont think i ll be able to afford it anyway after college but thats just some side background info there are time i have blanked and scared myself and that s what make me feel like my life is in danger sometimes there wa a time last year during an episode i just started stabbing my arm repeatedly with my cuticle nipper manicure tool thing it broke the skin but they were all obviously very tiny it always scared me looking back because i think if it wa a razor blade or a knife or something it would have killed me i didn t even know what i wa doing my emotion were so strong and i just started doing it there wa another time this year where during another episode i mindlessly drove to target early in the morning to get a fresh pack of razor blade to cut myself with i did not realize what i wa doing until i got all the way back home and wa trying to figure out how to work the razor blade dispenser it just hit me wow did i really just get in my car drive 0 min to target and buy nothing but razor blade to cut myself and maybe kill myself with this is where i worried i wa getting out of control and might actually do it one day i am scared it is soon i don t want it to be but i am scared it might be the urge is so strong there are time i feel no longer in complete control of my action i am scared i am checking the box for someone who is experiencing a mental health emergency but i don t know if i really am or if im just someone who is overdramatic sensitive life inexperienced privileged and attention seeking there are time i fear that i am being attention seeking and being manipulative with my emotion even when i am alone and express them and don t talk to anyone irl about it that confuses me the most but i can never really be sure which lead me to reddit sometimes i think back on my thought if that make sense and look back at previous question i ve asked and don t know if they are normal or not to a degree i know they aren t but i don t know if it s really that bad i am afraid sometimes that if i do kill myself all these thing along with my search history music taste social behavior substance abuse problem shit i ll admit it etc etc are all indicative of someone who is going to kill themselves i look in the mirror and see someone who is going to kill themselves soon i dont want to do it i dont want to do it i always think to myself am i going to be a suicide statistic are these all the inevitable sign and symptom am i about to be one of the of college student to kill themselves this thought distress me very much i have never attempted suicide before i personally know people and read about people online who have but when they describe their emotion i do not really relate to them it seems a though my condition is never really a serious a theirs like i said i ve never officially tried before these people have so it make me think that whatever crazy shit is going on in my head i just need to get over i wish so desperately that i could do that i think i am just emotionally weak you can go back in my post history and see me weird post some i have hidden to avoid ridicule but i don t know how to get them back i notice people around me always ask if i m okay if i ever accidentally share the slightest tip of the iceberg of my feeling with them and the comment i get on reddit post telling me that i should seek professional help immediately i wa looking on my school s counseling website and they have a whole special section for resource for people who might need immediate help am i really one of those people am i experiencing a mental health emergency do i need to be monitored in a hospital there are time i do feel like i am a potential danger to myself but unlike depressed people i at least am able to feel great sometimes when i hear about people who come back from grippy sock vacation i really cringe at that term but thats what everyone around me seems to use they mention their trauma and abuse and i didn t really have it a bad a them i am just sensitive i come to reddit in desperation i have never known how to express my feeling on this without accidentally guilt tripping or manipulating people so i avoid talking about my feeling with people i know irl outside of therapist do i really need help like hospital help is this an emergency it feel like one but is it really please help me tl dr i dont want to kill myself but i a scared that i might or am i just being a weirdo

bkgirlfriday dude it snowed here today cant imagine the weather in hawaii right now

haha my house is creepy at night it creak and stuff scary lol i m gon na go to bed

neyawn yeah interview don t know even when it is

hi all going through a break up and the anxiety is so overwhelming right now to the point where i can t even think about food without getting nauseous i know i can t sustain myself this way but i just don t feel like i can get any food down i wa thinking i might just get some high cal protein shake or something ha anyone found a better solution to getting food in thanks

i think i need to get laid sad revolution i had earlier rofl

i don t know if i want to wipe who i am and have been for so long now or if i want to wipe ou my existence so long i ve told myself and forced myself to live just one more day because one day or another it will be different right one day or another it will be better right these day there s another loud thought i have not being here at all is different it is better it might not be the most pleasant choice but it is a choice all the same and it is the only choice that say you ll never have to hurt again you ll never have to hold your hand when you break you ll never ave to cry again it will all end forever this thought is the only thing that seems to care about me anymore

dutifully working a job that doesn t care about my humanity training people to replace me dutifully caring for a pet that make my mental health worse training them a i stress cry dutifully filling out tax for my dead parent emailing lawyer because my sibling won t fulfill their legal obligation dutifully attending counseling with my spouse actively listening to being told my want and need are wrong dutifully laying in bed quietly so a not do disturb anyone else staring at the ceiling through insomnia and intrusive thought understanding that i don t exist i am just a tool for everyone else this is my duty

i dont even deserve to live

i 9 f moved to a different state to support my partner while they re at school we went from a duel income household to me being the breadwinner i wa diagnosed with adhd anxiety and depression last year and am on med and in therapy i just keep screwing up at work the work isn t hard but i m making stupid mistake i feel like im not doing anything correctly i try to be thorough and am told by my bos that i m getting too caught up in the detail i try to be quick and cover the basic and am told that it isn t my best work i have no idea what to do i m told to ask question if i don t understand by my bos and when i do she s short with me example i asked if i should include document with a proposal because the last time i did there wa push back from someone saying they didn t need to provide the document she replied if i wa asking if i needed to follow to the standard operative procedure i feel stuck my performance ha been worse partially due to depression which ha affected my focus cue adhd issue med for that aren t working great i just feel so stuck i m literally cry once a week bc i feel like i m failing so badly i m literally doing working extra because i m behind and not charging for it bc i just feel like i m so behind i started this new job and wa immediately sent home to telework full time so i can t just ask the people around me for help

i ve been in a bad spot for a long time i ve dealt with a lot of grief a lot of handling shit on my own and trying to keep up appearance but thing took a turn for the worse when i had a traumatic event a few month ago that sent me over the edge i developed post traumatic stress disorder from it all and coping since ha been excruciatingly difficult i threw myself into work for about a month and a half i quickly burned out the trigger became an everyday occurrence i wanted help i needed help but i wa afraid every hand extended towards me would only reach to choke me those around me could drown me in an ocean of love and i d never feel wet my clothes may be wet but my skin my heart would feel dry a a desert i feel so closed off yet i crave closeness i can t even remember the last few month but from what i can i ve been destructive i ve been in so much emotional pain that i ve unintentionally caused emotional pain nothing is ever good enough for me it s not a conscious thing you see it s me i ve never felt good enough for anyone nor at anything i did these feeling of failure disappointment overwhelm me most day i m 0 without much to show for it this fight to see another day is wearing me out i keep getting knocked down and i know more is to come from life i just don t see an end to this emotional torture within my mind

andy cyrus im still awake too lol cant sleep glad your up tho

hi i have a social anxiety disorder and everytime i m stressed for example medical appointment my heartrate go to the roof while i am sitting and get my blood pressure checked my heart go 0 bpm this is so embarassing everytime i have to explain that i am very nervous and the medical stuff doesn t have to worry is there a specific way to get my heartrate down to normal in these situation thank you

is procrastinating i feel ill but don t want to go to bed

nbensalem i m sitting at my house and i m sooo not looking forward to my one class tomorrow

packing my overnight bag for tomorrow going to the hospital

heidimontag lauren is being stubborn she love you you love her i feel so bad for you though it made me cry lol

deucetwt dont think so it either new mechanic or you battle depression

depression kicken mich in bett

bridgetsbeaches thank you for letting people know but now i m sad that the direct message i got wasn t actually from bridget

hoping the tummy rumble go away soon

niru0 who tf even care about her sneaker getting depression bc you can t wear your sneaker for a few day wtf

ugh still working on project just taking a small break

i m so tired for no reason other than going to bed late and sleeping in lately it make me angry

throwaway acct never really post so excuse formatting or content i have hit the point now where i am really wondering what the point of it all is i m very tired i feel like i ve been running forever my medical bill are continuing to pile up i haven t been working because of my medical issue so money ha become my biggest real life issue my relationship with family and friend are deteriorating so quickly i don t even know how to stop it my education proved to be the biggest waste of time my work skill are so unremarkable that i cant get anything more than a warehouse job i m a complete definition of a loser i feel like my life is spiraling out of control it feel like it s all my fault and i know it is i just don t know how to fix anything and these random event keep happening to me that make me question if maybe it is just some cosmic entity screwing with me because every time i tried to do something for someone else or tried just taking action to do better somehow it ended up in failure i tried getting a new job and i unfortunately my medical problem hit causing me to lose that new job just a month after getting it prior to that i took a better job offer only to get hit with even worse working condition for an additional 0 hence me leaving to try to get a new job or how about the two time i went christmas shopping for my family i had to replace two tire on my car one each time i went out i mysteriously got a flat tire that went unnoticed both time resulting in me having to buy new one because the sidewall were screwed or my favorite one i decided to take a trip to another state on a whim one weekend for a concert at that time i had felt that i wa at the lowest i could get so i said screw it and decided to go i decided to go out the night before to check out the city and found a local band playing a bar i ordered a beer and the next thing i remember is waking up in a hospital they proceeded to then let me just leave the hospital and i wandered the city with a dead phone for a few hour looking for my car to go home i got a lot of nice thought from family and friend initially but then the jokey so you didn t get raped did you and then just laughing it off most likely because i m a male i honestly don t know if i did i remember nothing and i would rather it just stay that way everything i do in my life seems to result in the worst possible outcome whether it s my fault noticeably or whether i want to blame the void for all my problem the outcome is still the same and my pile of problem doesn t change i just want to do right but i can t seem to do that i want to give up completely every time i think thing can t get worse they do this isn t a final post or anything like that i just want to scream everyone look and talk to me like i m some stooge and maybe i am but damnit i just want people to care i m trying but failing at every corner so i am at the point now where i don t do anything i ve sat unemployed with a friend a my flatmate for a bit now and i get the sense he doesn t believe my medical issue and i sense this relationship ha also lost it end i m so lost i don t know where to go from here hang in there everyone i m sure it get better sometime just maybe not soon

hey there doe anyone here have this odd anxiety over commiting a crime and or lying when you infact don t whenever i get a call or letter i immidiately think i am in trouble and when i run into an issue that even remotely ha to do with official matter i am so anxious i might have accidently commit a crime it go so far that i start to convince myself i infact have commited crime when that isnt the case it might be a tad of imposter syndrome too example i worked a a freelance designer for a year jumped in when there wa a project i found interesting i did everything correctly etc after the project wa done i realized this sort of freelancing isn t what i wanted to do so i cancelled my status again i didnt know i cpuld just freeze it after having had only one client i again did everything a law demanded soon i wan na to apply for job in a different field game art and going through my document made the anxiety flare up again immidiately thought like you werent a real freelancer or only one client is shady af or in general just obsession about having commited a crime i have asked the literal tax office how i would go about cancelling since i figured it wasnt really my thing and if it is possible to start a freelance gig again after i officially cancelled my status for example a an artist they told me all i needed to know i did nothing wrong but there is this irration fear and voice that keep trying to convince me i have committed a crime and that is just one example sometimes i feel i stole my art i could draw it this exact moment with no bloody ref and my brain would tell me stole it i feel like i weaseled myself into uni and didnt really pas the test i dont know how to deal with this shite anymore is it this still anxiety or what oa that anyone can relate

i really don t want to go back to chicago i liked not hearing about bad politician or oprah i hate oprah only day left in the uk

seemesimyyyy eya ndalama ivute zibweziso zivute kunja nkwa depression uku

and tell my that i will be ok and my life is not in shamble because of a stupid stupid decision i made it s been day that i have not slept but just thought about the situation i can t seem to solve i should have just not tried to overachieve some shit and now i am left with nothing nothing and my career is even worse than if i had just done nothing i am shaking i am anxious although i have never had mental health issue before and my life is a mess every stability i knew is getting pulled away from me and i have even failed myself at giving myself some stability everything is a mess please i can t deal with it at all i want to wake up in a different life every morning i can t get a break from being anxious and worrying not even for some sleep that is how badly my brain is coping hope there will be some answer to help me cope ha anyone else hat a full week of constant anxiety

just got up i have to watch my lil bro s mom is at work

onemoreproject that is lame

theekween it help with depression anxiety and loss of a loved one thelmasherbs

the star citizen tv and azimio blogger are internally suffering from depression hatred denial the fact that kenya kwanza is the biggest coalition party in kenya rutomusalia

markhardy 9 it is but i m still waiting for my ride itm

i can t find the strength to do anything i m supposed to do like studying going to the gym or finding a job i have been losing interest in thing i used to like to the point i don t enjoy doing them and they are becoming difficult to do because they are supposed to make me happy and being happy requires a lot of energy i don t have by losing interest and thing i like i m running thin of thing that keep me motivated for living and hope for the future i have difficulty getting help because i don t think it is worth the effort for a hopeless person like me i don t even think i deserve that help considering the thing i hate about myself i don t even want to talk about this thing with other people that care for me because with my point of view of the world and future might grab them down to this dark and hopeless vision the only thing that keep me from km is that i know it would hurt people around me i really need something to look forward something that give me the motivation to keep going

jpfurry poor john this is what happens when you play with fruit and a microwave seriously though have you seen a doctor xxx

localtweeps wow ton of reply from you may have to unfollow so i can see my friend tweet you re scrolling the feed a lot

first off ive dealt with it my entire life since i wa ab 9 yr old im very familiar with the feeling of anxiety and i ve experienced it in alot of form i wa in a relationship for year where i experienced the absolute worst of it but i am not in that relationship anymore i am a full time student again and im living life on my own accord now with my whole life ahead of me and i can do anything i want now im so glad to be where im at and i cant wait for what the future hold i have no worry in the world anymore anyways here i am watching better call saul relaxing in my bed super comfortable in my mushroom blanket that i love so much and i just gradually out of nowhere start to feel my chest get tight tight to the point where i want to poke a hole in my chest just to relieve the pressure obviously im not gon na do that but you get the idea im not panicking about anything while this is happening i mean when i feel my chest tighten then im like okay wtf is going on but before that nothing im a relaxed a can be ready to go to sleep to wake up to next day ahead of me and so i do some breathing exercise to try to relieve this chest tightness and i do feel really relaxed from doing them but that chest tightness is still there and again im not panicking of anything like i would from my traditional anxiety attack is this a new form of anxiety where my body is just like you know what youre trying to go to sleep so im gon na make it hard to breathe for no reason bc you are finally happy in life with no worry so ill give you something to worry ab i read ab people having panic attack out of nowhere and sometimes fainting even but that ha never happened to me my anxiety attack always stemmed from something regardless of how silly or insignificant it wa the anxiety would always come from something like it wouldn t just spontaneously erupt into an attack so is this just a new form of anxiety im dealing with right now is there anything i can do breathing and relaxing exercise only make me calm mentally and really relax me but the uncomfortableness of my chest just being tight is preventing me from going to sleep so i dont really know what to do if this is in fact just anxiety what do you all think is this just an anxiety attack or are there other issue i should get checked out any response is appreciated tl dr random chest tightness wont go away even with a calm and relaxed state of mind wondering if this is anxiety just attacking my body

going to sleep hoping tomorrow is a better day

i ve been on this for week and still barely have an appetite i even got nauseous going to the grocery store today is this normal ha anyone else experienced this it s been great for my mood and communication but it mess with my diet i don t even want to consume food really keep in mind though i did used to emotionally eat

i m just completely un able to let go of the past i m sat here thinking about last year i remember being so much happier and stress free but last year i had the exact same issue except i wa thinking about the year prior to that maybe this is just a natural process of growing up i m and i guess life is just gon na get worse from here on in do you think the past just seems better in my head than it actually wa because i seem addicted to it atm

the absence of the ability to just get over it is depression

therealnph twitter hate u both then

we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co xmcyd9qygc

is stuck in history

morning everyone still feeling poorly hope u all have a good day x

indigored hot sorry your day wa a waste hope you found some good bit in it and yay you are homeward bound

cloudpimps d oh at least you re getting a decent exchange rate at the moment sterling is still getting flogged

this week just seems to get longer and longer in term of how much i need to do and how much i m actually going to get done

getting better from depression demand a lifelong commitment i ve made that commitment for my life s sake and for the sake of those who love me

late night snack glass of oj b c i m quot down with the sickness quot then back to sleep ugh i hate getting sick

sniffinglue ohhh i love it p i m sad we didn t get to hang out

here i am back again currently it s am and i m holding back what can only be described a a mental break from my roommate and this dude who s also sleeping over it s really wild how there s a grey area over expression of emotion it s like emotion are only cool to be expressed when it s convenient to others and every other time is just a complete drag on society and those around you

my mood change fast and i don t think i am bipolar a it s usually a reason why my mood change and it can all change in a day like i m in a good mood and then like couple hour past and i just get negative thought and i m down again like i already lost people this year my ex best friend who used to be my best friend like year ago and losing him a a friend this year didn t really hurt a it wa my decision to cut him out of my life he wa a real bad narcissist and probably a sociopath so cutting him out felt good the one thing that hurt is losing my sister a we used to be so close but recently she became a lot more social and ha a lot of friend and she doesn t even want to speak to me or spend time with me anymore even though i m the older sibling i m and she s 0 it s just scary how easy people can just leave your life and even though i have a best friend that is good to me and i am talking to a girl but i m just worried it will end a i m just bad with my emotion probably because of my anxiety i m really not sure how i can get better like sometimes i feel great it feel like euphoric even like i m more hyper talkative and confident but it never last long and then i m just back to my usual mood just being sad depressed and anxious i know somethings wrong with me probably i tried cbt therapy for anxiety and depression but it didn t really help me i m on an antidepressant a well which ha never worked on me i just take it a it make me sleep i hate living like this i just want to smoke weed and get drunk so that i can stop all the negative thought and i hate it it feel like my life is a mess it s so much effort to get out of my bed and i just hate my life like wtf sometimes i feel like going to thailand and becoming spiritual or something

i d like to know why i never sleep

i think i m starting to feel an emotion that i haven t experienced naturally in year you know that feeling where you have a vacation coming up and the whole week before you re like excited because you have something to look forward to i ve been feeling that all week but i have no plan or break until the end of the semester i wa trying to express this feeling out loud to my friend when it occurred to me is this what happy people feel like like do they feel satisfied just walking around all day it s like my stomach is warm and content even though nothing is different and i have nothing going on anyone else have thought on this

vickybeeching saw someone at the apple store told that their warranty wa voided cuz they unlocked their phone

a week ago i matched with someone on a dating app and shortly after starting to talk to them i started experiencing what i thought wa bad anxiety i m on antidepressant that usually surpress my anxiety really well so this wa really odd for me since then i ve been feeling nauseous anxious with an upset stomach every day even though everything s going relatively well in general and with this person i m talking to i ve never felt this much anxiety over a potential partner could this be excitement my heart ha been beating fast my leg feel a little light there s a tight feeling of nausea in my chest it can t be covid because the test i just took wa negative i just want this feeling of nausea to go away thanks

everyone here know it s difficult to do anything while depressed even getting out of bed or brushing your teeth can sap all your strength appetite usually go out the window a well which lead to low blood sugar exhaustion etc here s what i reach for when i have to force myself to eat any type of smoothie shake i usually use a low glycemic berry oatmilk and kale or spinach protein powder is good also to add a bit more calorie chia seed for the fiber to keep you satiated longer bone broth or soup again very little prep time and you re not actually eating just drinking bone broth alone ha very little calorie but the protein content will help your malfunctioning brain work a bit better any type of nut or seed they pack a ton of calorie in just a handful doesn t feel like you are eating a meal no prep time

smokey robinson you fell off my list did i offend you

i wish people didnt give up on me so quickly because of how shy i am i wish they didnt view me a cold or mean because i never knew what to say so i just kept to myself i wish people didnt call me weird because i find it difficult to make eye contact i wish i didnt have to mask myself and pretend to be someone im not for the sake of fitting in i wish when my brother returned home from the military after year i had remembered how to properly communicate with him we seem like stranger now i wish i had been able to make friend even friend i wish i were able to get a girlfriend whats the meaning of life if you can t spend your time with someone you love i wish i didnt have autism i feel so isolated i feel so alone worst of all i know there is absolutely nothing i can do about it there are no pill for autism only mediocre therapy session to remind you of how different you are from those around you i cant do this anymore living like this is hell

perruchee peteblacklab her dog had a phantom pregnancy and after her depression my auntie decided to breed her and only sell puppy to people she knew so the mumma dog will still see them http t co jvhtisc sf

caught myself looking up the iphone promised i wouldn t torcher myself a i still have month left on my current contract

whoh what a day now for the shut part hydraulics assignment time

id be fake a hell to come online and only post my win i also got ta tell u about the struggle flat broke day depression battle year of rejection and working day job to stay afloat the payoff and blessing are def nice but u got ta go thru hell and back to get there

i had a extravagant yet time conserving plan lined up for today which ive now forgotten

stuck on my own at work super stressed i wish i wa somewhere else

texasvegetarian oh god ow that must have hurt like a bitch

clarianne knot serious april 9th isn t coming soon enough

michael crichton

theekween it help with depression anxiety heartbreak and loss of a loved one thelmasherbs

i don t deserve to be alive i m a complete and total fuck up that deserves to die i just overdosed on my clonazepam so here s hoping that it kill me

poison for real i had a c section they gave me ibuprofen like wtf that didn t do anything and got postpartum depression on top of that too

marge inovera i tried tweetdeck once and i hated it with a passion or it hated me i m not sure

lamacurieux battle 0 copaincopain mon avis a moi aquatennens du m thane artificiel ca reste du m thane la diff rence c est qu il permet de renforcer notre ind pendance nerg tique si combin l hydro lectrique au nucl aire etc enfin le oliennes d pression n ont pa besoin de vent idem pour celles de courants marins

noelclarke good morning you stop ignoring me just co i said i like cough take that am very sad now boo hoo

apsanabegummp ucu it s like he entirely discounted the idea that staff at non striking university might also be suffering depression overwork stress anxiety would it really be such a terrible thing to lead an investigation into the extent of these issue in the sector

fardachev reasonablemangh telefootball but we were winning thing it wa just imaginary depression on part of the football they got ole a manager and what did he do worse than moyes

theekween depression anxiety pain of losing loved one heart break thelmasherbs

rending on kindle rv oopsies think yourself into becoming a language learning super star living well with chronic illness lesson of labor rv depression chronicillness languagelearning parenting childbirth http t co ikm thcige

i am a male within the armed force and never really got the chance to speak my mind about a lot of thing i wa always told by everyone thats male shouldn t cry or even show a slight a bit of sadness or else it would redeem them weak a little bit if background before the military i wa a person that would always have friend along with people i thought they would appreciate who i am later on bad luck started to come around or at least i thought it wa bad luck to this day i do not have any idea why thing happen around me or people i love it seemed like every week or month or so i would go to a funeral that wa among all my friend i made accident suicide cancer or even by natural cause so far i been to funeral at this point and not able to cry or shed a tear it seems like whenever i try to show an emotion to what ha happened it never doe then people look at me like a monster and think i am a psycho or a robot in reality i am lost in the void of either to try to keep or make more friend eventually i got to enlisting into the military to serve or find a purpose in life and eventually found myself in a deeper hole i remember i had a platoon size or so group of buddy i drank and had fun with a brotherhood many would call it a home away from home that did not really last long one by one they killed themselves due to various amount of situation either it be from a divorce or just pure depression that dragged them to the ground despite all these thing i came to the conclusion that i always will think i am a robot or even a ghost that sens nothing but just what go on non human to the point where at one point i saw them paint their brain on the wall a i walked in to give them a well needed drink my reaction wa nothing and to just calmly report it to the mp on base i am sorry elijah currently in the service still have about two year left my wife at home with the dog i do feel love for both of them but for me not at all i feel guilt in the fact of it all happening like i am the bad luck charm i been seeing what seems like people that i used to speak to and where alive around me at time my old friend that could have been around but aren t i am not much of a paranormal type person but i feel them watching me or even expecting me to join them at some point a heavy weight on my shoulder if you will i can t lose myself in thought or else they are everywhere so i keep it to myself and ruck on but believe me the demon have learned how to swim after i tried drowning them with drinking i keep going in life but what purpose what it be if i keep losing those i love whoever read this thank you to my wife a well i love you and our dog despite my dark situation i don t want my demon to win but they try every night who know if i will ever wake up to see something bright again

we failed that song

i am not wanting to go to school tomorrow

theekween it help with depression anxiety and loss of a loved one thelmaherbs

nevadawolf sorry to hear about your dnf run tonight always a risk to get bad coords on an ftf

i ve been off work for a week due to a neck injury i hate missing work i feel major guilt that others are working harder for my not being there i also have issue believing that coworkers bos will think that i m lying i don t know why i think this i had a doctor note for the first week off and my bos responded with i can t keep covering your shift i m having to pick up all the slack i explained it wa out of my control and i wa sorry for the extra work put on them cut to now a week later i thought i would be ok by now to go back in to work but i m still not well enough i have a physical job and neck nerve compression is making those movement difficult instead of just saying i wasn t ok to come back yet i said a small lie exaggerating why i wasn t able to work i said i had to go to emergency they checked me out and i m ok it instantly made my anxiety go from a 0 to a knowing the response back couldn t be a aggressive a the first i got from my bos i feel bad for lying i shouldn t have to lie i m actually injured but it made my anxiety much better is it ok to tell a small lie if it doesn t hurt anyone and it make you feel better

eloquentembrace you re going to kill me but i ve not seen ds9 i ve been waiting till i can do it in one solid week sitting

linuxfoundation who should i contact if i need a 099 for freelance work i did on linux com throughout 00 never got one

argh cant stop yawning

ah yes this is how it feel to walk around without a serpent in your stomach interact with stranger without overthinking every word you say focus on what s in front of you rather than what s swirling inside your mind to feel optimistic and excited day like today almost knock me off balance because i hardly recognise myself when i m completely free of anxiety aka when my atavistic survival mechanism is functioning correctly and not just making thing worse the fact that some people live like this make me unbelievably envious

so in the last night i drink a lot nothing not normal for me and then everytime e drunk to much i enter in a spiral of shame i encounter my mother and i felt ashamed because i wa so drunk and my father is a alcoolic i drop a dish and the thing scalated e begun to cry and cut my self with the piece of glass without knowing what i wa doing it happens so many time when i drunk to much i tend to self harm and self heatred i just dont like anymore what my mother see in me im ashemed of myself how dare i put my mother in so much struggle because i wa drunk and begun act of self harm from dropping a dish i will go to a psychologist today i love my mum and everytime e break her heart i cut myself and begun a spiral of mental fog knife amp x 00b help me i love my mom

my back is in bit

i m year old and i never had a job only an internship a girlfriend and even a close friend for a long time the only thing i did wa finishing college and everything that i did after that wa to stay at home trying to find a job and failing at it i want to get over and be sucessful in my life but why doe it matter if i m already a total loser any normal person would look at an year old man that never had a job or girlfriend and say he s a loser even people from my family said that in another word sometimes i try to study programming other time i try to study thing in general but i know that i will fail and the people that hurt me will always be more sucessful than me so why i should even try

ha anyone had a panic attack for the first time or not even necessarily for the first time but just a bad one and it changed their anxiety physical anxiety symptom i had my first ever proper panic attack in january of this year it wa awful and i went to a amp e thinking i wa dying a bit over a month went by and i wa fine but then suddenly out of nowhere i got an insane head rush when i wa trying to sleep it disappeared when i opened my eye then came back again when i closed them it caused me so much distress and i had no idea what it wa i wa having anxiety attack and wa in a constant state of alertness and worry ever since then i ve had constant light headedness brain fog just feeling completely spaced out type of feeling i ve been on constant alert wondering if i m feeling dizzy spaced out and it s just progressively gotten worse from there i feel tired all the time and mildly disassociated it s honestly ruining my life i ve had multiple test done and they ve all come back clear so i m wondering is this all just my anxiety having gotten worse after that intense panic attack i need to know if these physical symptom are due to anxiety or not any help is really appreciated lt

today sucked i m gon na die without chris and callum wahhh

i know these question are probably annoying and kind of outdated now since most people i know are fully vaccinated but i just need the extra reassurance that i ll be alright i have my first dose and it wa fine pfizer but i m so freaking nervous about the second one it s so funny how my anxiety work around this i have health anxiety and worry about getting sick a lot so it s like get vaccinated but i m scared of the side effect lmao how were your preferably positive experience with your second vaccine

pyromg massive depression and sudden musical interlude i have two trait shut up