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crabcanon

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what would the smart-stupid itself say, if you asked it for its opinion on the free-will

question? I was just wondering if the two of you, who know so much about these

things, wouldn't indulge me by explaining the issue, as you see it, to me.

Crab: Achilles, you can't imagine how appropriate your question is. I only wish my

pianist friend were here, because I know you'd be intrigued to hear what he could tell

you on the subject. In his absence, I'd like to tell you a statement in a Dialogue at the

end of a book I came across recently.

Achilles: Not Copper, Silver, Gold: an Indestructible Metallic Alloy?

Crab: No, as I recall, it was entitled Giraffes, Elephants, Baboons: an Equatorial

Grasslands Bestiary-ox something like that. In any case, towards the end of the

aforementioned Dialogue, a certain exceedingly droll character quotes Marvin

Minsky on the question of free will. Shortly thereafter, while interacting with two

other personages, this droll character quotes Minsky further on musical improvisation,

the computer language LISP, and Godel's Theorem-and get this-all without giving one

whit of credit to Minsky!

Achilles: Oh, for shame!

Crab: I must admit that earlier in the Dialogue, he hints that he WILL quote Minsky

towards the end; so perhaps it's forgivable.

Achilles: It sounds that way to me. Anyway, I'm anxious to hear the Minskian

pronouncement on the free will question.

Crab: Ah, yes... Marvin Minsky said, "When intelligent machines are constructed, we

should not be surprised to find them as confused and as stubborn as men in their

convictions about mind-matter, consciousness, free will, and the like."

Achilles: I like that! Quite a funny thought. An automaton thinking it had free will! That's

almost as silly as me thinking I didn't have free will! Tortoise: I suppose it never

occurred to you, Achilles, that the three of us-you, myself, and Mr. Crab-might all be

characters in a Dialogue, perhaps even one similar to the one Mr. Crab just

mentioned. Achilles: Oh, it's occurred to me, of course. I suppose such fancies occur

to every normal person at one time or another.

Tortoise: And the Anteater, the Sloth, Zeno, even GOD-we might all be characters in a

series of Dialogues in a book.

Achilles: Sure, we might. And the Author might just come in and play the piano, too.

Crab: That's just what I had hoped. But he's always late.

Achilles: Whose leg do you think you're pulling? I know I'm not being controlled in any

way by another mentality! I've got my own thoughts, I express myself as I wish-you

can't deny that!

Tortoise: Nobody denied any of that, Achilles. But all of what you say is perfectly

consistent with your being a character in a Dialogue.

Crab: The-

Achilles: But-but-no! Perhaps Mr. C's article and my rebuttal have both

been mechanically determined, but this I refuse to believe. I can accept physical

determinism, but I cannot accept the idea that I am but a figment inside of someone

else's mentality!

Tortoise: It doesn't really matter whether you have a hardware brain, Achilles. Your will

can be equally free, if your brain is just a piece of software inside someone else's

hardware brain. And their brain, too, may be software in a yet higher brain .. .

Achilles: What an absurd idea! And yet, I must admit, I do enjoy trying to find the

cleverly concealed holes in your sophistry, so go ahead. Try to convince me. I'm

game.

Tortoise: Did it ever strike you, Achilles, that you keep somewhat unusual company?

Achilles: Of course. You are very eccentric (I know you won't mind my saying so), and

even Mr. Crab here is a weensy bit eccentric. (Pardon me, Mr. Crab.)

Crab: Oh, don't worry about offending me.

Tortoise: But Achilles, you've overlooked one of the most salient features of your

acquaintances.

Achilles: Which is.... ?

Tortoise: That we're animals!

Achilles: Well, well-true enough. You have such a keen mind. I would never have

thought of formulating the facts so concisely.

Tortoise: Isn't that evidence enough? How many people do you know who spend their

time with talking Tortoises, and talking Crabs? Achilles: I must admit, a talking Crab

is

Crab: -an anomaly, of course.

Achilles: Exactly; it is a bit of an anomaly-but it has precedents. It has occurred in

literature.

Tortoise: Precisely-in literature. But where in real life?

Achilles: Now that you mention it, I can't quite say. I'll have to give it some thought. But

that's not enough to convince me that I'm a character in a

Dialogue. Do you have any other arguments?