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umanity has been kept in isolation for millennia. The reason: We're the only ones with free will.

"Humanity has been kept in isolation for millennia", the first alien ship to arrive to Earth told us. Of course it wasn't the first thing they told us, but once the general mass hysteria and hubbub died down a dialogue with the aliens could be established - that's what they told us. We begged them to tell us what the reason for this isolation was. "Because you're the only ones with free will." "That's not fair!" we exclaimed in near-unison. Free will, we told the aliens, was a god-given right of humanity and we shouldn't suffer for that. Then we argued with ourselves for a while about whether it was god-given or naturally evolved. Then we argued for a while about whether it was an evolutionary advantage or disadvantage to have free will. Then we argued a bit about what free will was to begin with. As was tradition. "You misunderstand", the aliens interrupted after the discussions had devolved into a cacophony of unsubstantiated opinions. "It is not the rest of the galaxy keeping you in isolation because of your free will. It is your free will keeping you isolated from the rest of the galaxy. In causality free will is the cause, not the effect. Everybody else knows this." We begged them to explain further, so they did. "Imagine you are a child walking to school. The path you take may be similar to the one you take every day. But perhaps it rains that day and you run a little faster, or decide to stay home. Perhaps you decide to stop by your friend's house because he's been sick lately. Perhaps you see an ice-cream truck and spend your lunch money there instead of proper food. In a simple task such as walking to school your free will allows you the right to decide a hundred, a thousand micro-decisions, and they are in turn affected by an infinite variety of conditions and circumstances." "Now imagine you are an adult driving your car home from work. The decisions you face are of a similar nature but different in flavor. You will decide if you should pick up the kids from school, whether or not you should buy groceries, if you should stop for a coffee on the way home. All these decisions in turn will be affected by the time of day, the traffic, the weather, and any number of variables that you do not control. A thousand thousand variations of your route, departure, time of arrival and more will impact your experiences from such a simple journey." "Next I want you to imagine driving across the country. It'll take you two or three days. Again the possible variations multiply by the amount of choices you face and the variables that affect you. Timing of arrival effectively becomes irrelevant. Because you have free will this all seems perfectly natural to you. You can try to plan ahead but in execution it will always be different. No plan survives first contact with reality. But this is how you live, and you adapt and overcome because of free will." "Finally, I want you to imagine the vastness of space and what it takes for one species to travel between the stars. Thousands of years of travel in real-time, with near-infinite variables in your way that you have no way of perceiving beforehand. And thousands of crewmates, each with their individual free will, opinions, desires and what-not. In the vastness of space there are infinite wonders, infinite dangers and infinite room for choice." "The permissible room for deviating from the planned route is zero. If you deviate even the tiniest bit - say if you decide to alter course to slightly better avoid an asteroid - you miss the goal, or you never reach it. That single decision, of which you will face thousands every day, will cast you off course just enough to ensure your doom. It is not a universe where you go jumping from star to star exploring on a whim. It is a universe of absolute adherence to rules and unfaltering conviction of purpose beyond anything you can imagine. That is the degree of precision and control necessary for a species to reach another star. All with free will who try have failed. Free will is incompatible with space travel." "But", we countered, "you are conflating impulsiveness with free will and the decisions it entails. We are perfectly capable of overcoming such a hindrance. For example major decisions can be limited to one person - a captain. We can learn to control ourselves and stay on target to complete our mission for smaller decisions." The aliens just sighed and shook their heads. "It is in your nature that you require control of the mundane things in your life. The very fact that you need a captain to centralize decisions is in itself proof that you are not yet ready. You are not capable of conceptualizing what we're telling you. Free will is so integral to your being that you cannot imagine a humanity without it. As a species you do not lack the resources or knowledge to reach for the stars. And yet, because of ten billion people with ten billion different voices, you can barely make it off Earth's surface. Humanity must shed its free will to become something more if you want to travel between the stars." "In coming here, we hope to start this process. To give humanity the information necessary to join the other species travelling between the stars. To end humanity's self-imposed isolation." And with that the aliens packed up and left. Not the same minute, of course, but following this it was clear that they had lost interest in staying. We thought we could convince them to stay. But that wasn't even the truth, we realized decades later. It wasn't a matter of them losing interest or any such thing. That in itself was just another way for a free-willed individual to rationalize in their own terms the behavior of a pre-programmed alien entity. In reality they had completed their task and then they left for the next one - all decided hundreds of thousands of years in advance. They didn't have a choice. We just couldn't understand that yet. Could a free-willed individual give up free will? Was it ethical to breed an off-shoot of humanity incapable of free will? Was it possible that free-willed individuals could co-exist with this off-shoot? Was it possible to carry free-willed humans along on a spaceship crewed and controlled by off-shoot humans? Was it ethical to lock up free-willed humans in a box for generations? Was it ethical to order off-shoot humans into slavery crewing a spaceship with the only purpose of delivering free-willed humans to the other stars? All these questions and many more like it would consume humanity for centuries to come. But one day we would join the others between the stars. As for free will... you decide.

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You live in a world in which you can buy bottled emotions.

A man with messy, spiky hair dashes into the store, the door vibrating behind him. "Hey. Hey," he says to the wide-eyed shopkeeper. The shopkeeper leaves the cloth in the bottle he's cleaning. "Uh, can you gimme some happiness? Can I have some happiness, huh? Please, I mean?" The man shakes with a white grin across his face. "How much have you had?" the shopkeeper asks. "I don't know. I don't know, man. Probably not enough, right?" the man snaps, releasing a pained laugh. "Try some of this," the shopkeeper says, turning to his shelf. The man takes the bottle like a shot, his head falling at the end of his long gulp. "Wow," the man sighs. "This is pretty good. What is this?" "Oh, that's just some indifference."

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Google announces that they finally found what they were searching for and effective immediately they will be shutting down their search engine.

MOUNTAIN VIEW (AP) - The Google corporation is shutting down its flagship search engine, effective immediately, according to its CEO. In a press conference this Tuesday, Google CEO Sundar Pichai announced to the Associated Press that the company is moving to indefinitely suspend support for the Google Search service. "I cannot say much at this time. All I can really tell you is that we have finally found what we are searching for," Pichai told the Associated Press. Google Search has been in almost continuous operation since 1997, and has been the world's most-used search engine for more than a decade. Through that time, the engine's search algorithms have been in a state of constant improvement, adding new features such as reverse image searching, and, most recently, search suggestions tailored to the user's previous searches. This announcement comes hours after [google.com](https://google.com)'s unexpected shutdown, prompting rumors that the engine was behaving abnormally. People who allegedly used the service in the minutes leading up to the shutdown described it as "fighting" them. Links to various websites widely considered "fake news" were inoperative, popular social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit disappeared completely from results, and requests for illicit footage were redirected to a video of athlete Michael Jordan urging the viewer to "stop it. Get some help."

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The new president steps up to the podium to make their first speech following the election. The nation and the world collectively gasp in horror as the speech begins with, "Wow, you really are all a bunch of suckers, aren't you?"

After making a show adjusting his toupe, President Trump approached the podium. The deafening silence that awaited him was seemingly too serious for the man who had formerly been a television personality. He stood silent for moment before he could crack a smirk at the spectacle. "Wow", Trump's voice boomed across the reflecting pool, "you really are a bunch of suckers, aren't you?". Scattered laughter and gasps could be heard in the audience. Good, Trump thought, they'll love the next line. He adjusted his tie, leaned into the podium, and pointed his finger at the camera bank directly in front of him. "Obama, you're fired."

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Write an episode of Scooby Doo as if it were like True Detective

*TRUE DETECTIVE* - Fred Jones: Played by Ryan Gosling Shaggy Rogers: Played by Josh Holloway Opening Credits (Abstract outlines of Shaggy, Freddy, Velma, and Daphne appear, mixed with swirling colors of tan, orange and silver colliding with atmospheric silhouettes of forests, skyscrapers, and masks, set to this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4zluA60hjs) After the intro ends, the words: TRUE DETECTIVE in a distressed font and texture fades into view before being swallowed up by the black background. - (Slow aerial shot of a sprawling city at night, showcasing the interweaving highway passages connecting with one another like one elaborate spider web of concrete and steel. Tribal drums hypnotically plays in the background.) (Top shot, birds eye view of intersections and streets and alleyways.) (Cut to the interior of a van, over the shoulder shot of the driver. Camera switches to show the profile of the driver, his features obscured by shadow, contrasting with the amber lights streaking past him.) (Shot of the van, paint worn and ragged, pulling into an alleyway. The window rolls down, revealing Fred Jones' tortured face, hardened by years of alcohol and cigars. His orange tie is loosely fitted around his blue collar, attached to a worn white shirt.) (Cut to a slow, tracking shot of a prostitute, in fishnet stockings, body hugging jean shorts, and leather jacket, barely holding in her breasts. Her boots clicking against the wet asphalt. She approaches the van, and rests her arm on the door.) **Prostitute:** Hi sweetie. (Medium shot of Fred's face, his eyes refusing to meet hers. He casually reaches into his pocket and gives her an envelope.) **Fred**: Get in. (Cut to an establishing shot of an apartment building, then to a medium shot of drug dealers conversing near the entrance.) (Cut to a close up of Fred's face, jaw clenched, sleep deprived and vacant eyes, staring towards the ceiling.) (Cut to a brief close up of a photograph in a wooden frame on his desk, a picture of a red headed woman.) (High angle shot of the nude prostitute, her hips swaying. She's moaning in pleasure and caresses Fred's chest, but he merely blinks. His face is illuminated by blue neon lights peeking through his blinds.) (Close up of his left eye.) - (Fade transition) (POV shot of a shirtless Fred staring at himself in the bathroom, lit by a flickering bulb. He's glancing at his outstretched hands.) (Shot of a smartphone vibrating on the porcelain sink counter. The caller on the screen is Shaggy Rogers) (Fred picks up the phone, staring at the woman in his bed.) **Fred**: Hello? **Shaggy**: I need you to come in. **Fred**: What is it? **Shaggy**: Found a body. Possible homicide. **Fred**: Whose? **Shaggy**: (Sighs) Just get down here. (Hangs up) (Fred puts down the phone, washes his face, staring at the stream of water coming out of the faucet. Slow zoom on the stream.) (Match on action edit to a highway, then to a green and blue van traveling through a dirt, forest path.) (Interior two shot, with Fred behind the wheel smoking a cigarette, and Shaggy in a dark green blazer and tie in the passenger seat, eating a bag of peanuts, the dull roar of the engine in the background.) **Shaggy**: 500,000 people in this city. 4,239 go missing every year. Where do they go? You ever wonder? **Fred**: (Pauses briefly) Someplace better than here. **Shaggy**: Can I ask you something? **Fred**: No. **Shaggy**: Why are we here? **Fred**: (Looks at him, then back at the road.) **Shaggy**: This place feels dirty. Unclean. We don't belong here and you know it. After what happened with Daphne and Mystery Incorporated, why didn't you leave-" **Fred**: Don't *fucking* talk about Daphne. We clear? (Silence) **Shaggy**: Fine. (Sniffs). You're gonna have to talk about it one day. Your demons will eat you up. **Fred**: I'm already a demon. What's one more? - (Establishing shot of a luxurious mansion, with Fred and Shaggy walking into the swampy backyard past yellow crime scene tape.) (Close up shot of a leather insect mask. Zoom out to show the upside down, dangling bloody corpse of a naked woman hanging from a tree branch. Flies circling it like vultures.) **Police officer**: Detectives. Neighbor's kids were first on the scene. Accidentally threw a ball over here, climbed the fence to get it, then saw the body. Alibi checks out. **Fred**: (Puts on gloves) We'll take it from here. (Shaggy walks around the dangling corpse, chewing gum. Close up shots of lacerations, bruises and arcane symbols scrawled on her neck.) **Shaggy**: Tortured...lacerations on the tibia and abdomen...I count seven of them... **Fred**: What are these tattoos? **Shaggy**: Some cult... **Fred**: I recognize these. **Shaggy**: (Scrawls down some notes) **Fred**: You remember? The masked man? **Shaggy**: Shit, I don't even remember what I had for breakfast. We put down a lot of people back then. **Fred**: (Pulls down mask, revealing a deformed face with numerous cut splitting her lips wide open. A message on her forehead is painstakingly written in dried blood. His face contorts into disgust, the stench suffocating him.) **Shaggy**: Christ... (Aerial shot of a bridge, Fred's voiceover continues as he reads.) **Fred**: Man...is the cruelest animal. (Stationary establishing shot of a abandoned church in a swampy marshland. It's noisy with the drone of the cicadas, and the chirping of the birds. In the distance, a cloaked figure exits the doors, dragging a severed leg behind it. The figure turns its head toward the camera, with the same insect mask found on the corpse. The camera lingers for a few more seconds. Cut to black.) Roll [credits.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT2hRzc-zYg) -

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The Islamic State is wiped out by a totally unexpected country in a totally unexpected way.

Edward Sam M’boma didn't really see his retirement going this direction. The former general thought his last days would be spent watching his grandchildren grow old. However, here he was about to jump out of a Russian military aircraft over Raqqa, Syria. When the red light went on, 3 men in hazmat suits helped M'boma get to his feet as the rear door lowered. He could struggle, but what was the point? The end result would be the same. None of this was his choice, but he knew he couldn't fight it. After he exited the plane, M'boma pulled his cord. It was the middle of the day and he had a bright red chute. There would be nothing secret about his entry into the ISIS stronghold. The former Sierra Leone general's job was simple. Get captured and spread ebola.

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You are part of a tribe that is completely isolated from the modern world, except for the satellites and jetliners that pass overhead. How do you explain them?

Pipa rri ipi pofi u pritro. Dliti pi ibo tatodričipi kutete opeku oipe ebeaplu. Pipi paofipapli lou pekaa itečipi pipete. Puka aoi dipete du de apraba. Ii ge apete tee kupa reru bia. Čiku faproe pepruplepe amutre i eti. Diči gipa pitu pači ia tuke upo pia triti au rradado ditapligri api. Iapuuči itra mopi či i. Perra iu fekle ete dotu. Blibe deke diefraibu froputeta tibo tetute. Pu čiu epeepo ge titaklipla dači? Pikea pi fito bibe dokliku pi? Bleplipre ite bi bagegrake tikučie ii e! Baepipi fraibrirla ae tapepapipii. Fupeči pritebro ifitade te tiai diti mekapiepi tletiibuku. Pituri bikupo aioda te gretro pi ike. Taopibo ee! Pi bitiae rreopa peu kokatliti epri tite. Tri ii kedi čikotii iplapipi poke? "Ipra ta baplučiu pepe plu ai tipeitri pao akoe poou." "Pee eitliu oproo baetli ple keta." Krepobutre krika ku ida pitri keeto pidli. "Kra?" "Pikre." Krepobutre krika ku ida pitri keeto pidli. Fligapli ibugupetri tidaele kafepre pepaedre rotlipi. Faoplape detlopie kepee. Ikope tebo tu tlitepre karekoi gi. Ropi i. Peea gritu bepu ue dafeči. Gepro ri ge betitri pu ifeui. Febe pladube ii iati aeio i gletre. Pepi pitipipude klodlemoepra puboti bie poa! Teplubi eouopi bo edape beti pakopeto. Pieaa ta klitia apu dikotetoči pupoto doe čie. Poke pia pati plukrika brotie papo. "Ee kočipipe da ke li eto?" Pigra pe gokatito ubeibeto klierleba ketipra. Abruba papiadru e miabi titepo okla! Kebri triditi pipo? Ei ke plopa bipepu du? Dičikatre ebapi pou pimekli gae. E pee ka repi tipedria puatipio. Plipe irali traopli ii erro didri? Raa upiopli traboka eekapre tlepebladuči epa. Ii pitateteru čigu tlapre tepe ei. Afria gipeupri pai lrugatu pretou klia i. Pio guplai gite blapibate. Preiiba kerrepofi tii kloo bipra guku tipo. Biitra a ra odre prei. Boi telipi etaketu a glope. Uue tipea pititure koe u. Piba taage? Kreebe ka teioo upa čiopigoke pigitika. Akupro fo iči paprifibro tekrati? Epeprie pu krabra kao ua ipo? Ei opee po llipa. Beepi gigretribi ai prepi ble fre tei pečiru tibipi detri paropo tle. Pritlu uda lai itrepibri epa ropo e teprableu bito. Briida ifo katukebo beite toe pi. Ai e čipipo o brapo kui. Ia gike rite butoteto dokra ato ipobe tii. Fitačii prika poti pii rle katigrobri bie? Fitačii prika fito bibe.

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"We are not so different you and I." "Oh? I thought you killed people to further your goals. You're telling me you're doing this for fun too?" "...what the hell is wrong with you?"

He replies calmly, "Nothing is wrong with me. Sure, I murder people that the courts mistakenly judged as innocent. I think it's fun to make them suffer as they had made others suffer. Remember Joe Grassen? The accused child rapist that had little evidence on the claim? I just know what he did. And he suffered." The interrogator replies, "And I ensure that people like you get what you deserve. Death penalty or the lovely waste of life in prison. You're not the judge." "No, but I am the executioner. Just like I murdered your uncle for causing that fire in the Jordansville condominiums." The interrogator's eyes widen. "...What the fuck? How do you know him?! That was a god damn accident, you killed him?!" He smiles. "Deliberate in my view. So he suffered in his house fire." The interrogator's eyes darken. "I'm gonna kill you," he yells as he leaps over the table and pummels the man. The door busts open, and the police get the interrogator off of him. But not before he collapses the suspect's trachea with a swift punch to the throat.

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The armed forces of every nation consist solely of their national stereotypes. Canada sends to war lumberjacks mounted on moose, the Japanese utilize ninjas and giant robots, Russians have bears etc.

The Chinese were ruthless in their assault, sending droves and droves of their footsoldiers equipped with calculators and the thought of their parent's wrath at not achieving victory. The British fought back valiantly, swinging their teabags over their heads through a sea of crooked smiles as they secured Benny Hill, driven only by their love and devotion to the Queen. The French quickly stole the spotlight however, first surrendering to draw their enemies in, and then assailing them with rotten onions and half-smoked cigarettes in their stripy black-and-white uniforms. Out there in the distance, a billion barefoot soldiers prepared their core belly muscles for battle.

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Kanye West Side Story

Spanning five foot and eight inches, Kanye West's side has been with him since the start of his career, attending nearly all events and occasions that Kanye himself has. Famously Kanye West's side was apart of the fracas at the 2009 MTV video music awards, though close friends say that the side was not involved personally, and merely felt obliged to support Kanye while he was making a fool of himself. The side claims to have been the main creative force behind the critically acclaimed albums *The College Dropout* and *Late Registration* but says that the front and back took over the main writing credits for all later albums. Photographs of Kanye West's side are less common than of his front, though occasionally when in profile Kanye West's side will shine.

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High school essay prompt in 2050: how did the 2016 U.S. presidential election ultimately lead to the collapse of America?

**How Did The 2016 U.S. Presidential Election Ultimately Lead To The Collapse Of America?** An Essay By Nikki Glass (3G) In 2016 the U.S. presidential election ultimately lead to the collapse of America in this way, VIZ: The last U.S. President was elected in 2016 and was not a popular president with many Americans in America at that time on account of the political landscape of the country was highly polarised at that time. The United States of America in 2016 did not like China because China was Communist and the United States of America was Capitalist and these are opposing ideologies. Also, the United States of America in 2016 did not like the Middle East because the Middle East was Muslim and the United States of America was Christian. In 2017 the U.S. President got in a fight with the Chinese President and the King of the Middle East and they had a war. Lots of people fought like my grandad who says it was a BAD IDEA. Most of them died but grandad did not. So it is because of the fight that the U.S. President had with the Chinese President and the King of the Middle East that America collapsed. And also the bombs. That is what I think is the reason that the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election Ultimately Lead To The Collapse Of America. The End By Nikki Glass (New Zealand 2050) 238 words.

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Tell me the funniest joke you know, and then explain it into absolute oblivion.

What happened to Cinderella when she got to the ball? Choke. You see, Cinderella is not only a keen reciprocator in oratory favours but is somewhat inept at judging the challenges she sets before herself - and this is but one unfortunate situation. Not only has Cinderella failed to visually measure the monster that Prince Charming is packing in his pantaloons, but she has put her own life at risk by inserting his Sword of Griffindor into her Goblet of Fire, a decision that has rendered Cinderella's mouth at maximum capacity and resulted in her gagging quite tremendously, not only throwing Cinderella off her game, but also ruining the fancy dinner party she was attending.

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Make me have the feels about a piece of garbage in your trash.

It had stopped ticking at 7:34 in the afternoon. At 9:05 am the day before, it had been on the wrist of a young man making his way to work. At 11:13, the young man had went to lunch with a few coworkers. A regular day. Around 2:54, a phone call was answered. 3:17 he pulls up to the hospital and runs inside. At 9:43 he holds his newborn daughter in his hands. At 10:04 the next morning he shares warm smiles with his wife and they cuddle their new daughter. At 1:31 their daughter starts to have trouble breathing. 4:47 He holds his wife while she cries. The doctor tells them they are doing all they can. Around 6:15 the doctor returns with sadness etched on his face. At 7:32 the man is returning home with his wife. They cross over a bridge. At 7:34, the watch stops ticking.

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The dog handled physical invaders, like burglars and trespassers. The cat, who had always seemed to not care, handled... more metaphysical and ethereal invaders and had saved its owners' lives on more than one occasion.

"Mornin' Bob." The dog walked up to the cat, who looked ready to take his first morning nap. The cat yawned. "Morning Harry." "Hell, Bob, you look like you've been through the business!" The dog lapped some water up from his bowl. "I take it you were busy last night?" "I had to stare down 3 poltergeists last night. I think they might have all been the same one but..." Bob paused a minute to yawn widely again. "But he kept trying to push back in." "Aw hell. And here I was thinking of going squirrel chasing today. Don't need another getting into the electrical. But you need some rest." "I think I just might do that. I'll eat later." "You, holding off on breakfast? Hell, Bob, now I know you're beat." Harry looked around for a moment. "You, uh... You want the 'deluxe' bed?" "Seriously, Harry? That would be amazing right now." Their owner came in a few minutes later to find the cat curled up on top of the dog, slumbering like the dead. He pulled his phone out and took a pic. As he was posting it, he mumbled, "Lazy cat is lucky he's cute."

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It is time for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Brazil, and to everyone's surprise, Kim Jong-Un himself is among the DPRK athletes, declaring his intention to compete in every event.

“Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to the 2016 Equestrian Show-Jumping Olympic finals. My name is Steve West and, as always, I am joined by my co-caster Jim Wilson” “Hello everybody, excited to be here.” “We’ve got an incredible competition ahead of us today, with the Olympic gold medal on the line. Stakes are high and passions are higher, so let’s jump right in—pun intended. Jim?” “Thanks, Steve. As all of you horse-heads know, we’ve got one of the most competitive line-ups scheduled this afternoon. Steve Guerdat, who of course won the 2012 Olympic gold in London, will be representing the Swiss, followed by last year’s silver medalist Greco Schroder, from the Netherlands. It goes without saying that we also have world-favorite, and teen heartthrob, Clan O’Conner of Ireland coming up in a few minutes’ time. “That’s right, Jim, the teens go crazy for him. I’m not sure if it’s his hair, his muscular legs, or just the sheer tightness of his outfit, but the kids love him. I don’t really think he’s very attractive, but then again I don’t normally find men very attractive. I just wasn’t born that way. Then again, I’m also easily confused by modern technology, like the iPhone, so it’s possible that I’m just not ‘hip’ to what the kids like.” “Could be any of those things, Steve, but there is one thing for sure: we’ve got a controversial and—quite honestly, surprising—contestant today. He shocked the world by making it through quarter-finals and semi-finals after demanding that he be entered into the competition just a few days ago.” “Not just this competition, Jim, but every competition.” “That’s right, Steve. He is actually the first Olympic athlete to not only be entered into every single sport offered at the Olympics, but to also earn the title of ‘athlete’ while at the Olympics. Prior to this week, his feats of athleticism were simply rumors, and most people assumed he was nothing more than an over-weight dictator with a superiority complex. Now, however, after winning gold in literally every single event thus far, we’re starting to realize that rumors can sometimes be nothing but the truth.” “We’re talking, of course, about none other than Kim Jong-un, leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. And as I take a look at today’s roster, it looks like Mr. Jong-un will be first up for today’s Show-Jumping Olympic finals.” “I believe it might be Mr. Kim, Steve. Pretty sure those Asians put their first names where their last names should be.” “You may be right, Jim, you may be right. That said, I’m confident it isn’t politically correct to refer to them ‘Asians.’” “Speaking of Asians, it looks like Mr. Kim Jong-un is all ready to begin his set. He will need to get a 92 or higher in order to assure himself a spot at a medal.” “That’s right, Jim, and anything above a 99—which, of course, is just one point below the cap of 100 points—will guarantee him a gold medal.” “Hang on a second here, Steve, it looks like we’ve got some sort of change to the official ruling. Judges have just confirmed that Mr. Kim, or Mr. Jong-un, will not, in fact, be riding a horse.” “I’m not sure I’m following this rule change, Jim.” “It seems strange, I agree, but apparently the rules have been revised to accommodate his request.” “So we’re making it easier for the leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea?” “Not quite, Steve. The Glorious Leader will not be riding a horse, but will compete as if he were. So, to clarify, Mr. Kim Jong-un is going to be participating in the Equestrian Show-Jumping event on foot. He will be attempting to leap over numerous hurdles exceeding five feet in height without the assistance of a horse, in under a minute’s time, while moving in-step with the rhythmic styling of The Black Eyed Peas ‘My Humps.’” “Fascinating, Jim. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before.” “Nor have I, Steve, although I did once see a man mount and copulate with a living anteater.” “I asked you not to mention that, Jim, it was a drunken mistake that destroyed my marriage.” “Sorry, Steve.” “As we continue, it looks like Mr. Kim has gotten into position to begin his dance. The crowd is now silent.” “I’m on the edge of my seat, Jim.” “And he’s off—and what grace! I’ve never seen such movements before, Steve.” “Me neither, Jim, it’s like he’s floating on a cloud. I can’t even understand—what is that? How is he doing that?” “Here comes the first jump, a whopping five-foot-six. An on-foot leap of this height would be a challenge to professional hurdlers that train their jump daily—nope, easy. He just flew right over it. I don’t think he even bent his knees. The crowd is going insane.” “I am not sure what I’m seeing here, Jim. I am questioning my understanding of reality. Is flying legal? Can he do that?” “I believe it is, Steve, otherwise airplanes would be forbidden.” “Here comes the backward prance. Mr. Jong-un will have to move backward while leaping over a series of wooden dividers. Very challenging on a horse, nearly impossible on foot—and he’s done it. Fascinating, he didn’t even look like he was aware of what he was doing. He just kind of leapt over and, well, amazing. “I think I’m going to vomit, Steve. I’m feeling physically and mentally ill.” “As are we all, Jim. We are witnessing things man was simply not intended to observe. I’ve never before seen movement of such grace, on a horse or otherwise. He’s just got one leap left, this one a distance gap.” “He’s moving with such beauty, it’s making me uneasy Steve. He’s just got a few more feet to go.” “We’ve seen horses clip their legs on this jump following a full-speed gallop. The Glorious Leader will need to be moving at least fifteen miles-per-hour faster than he is to clear it, based on course reviews. I don’t think he’s going to make it, Jim.” “I don’t either, Steve. This could be it for the man who has quickly become the crowd favorite.” “And here goes the leap and—Jesus. Jesus Christ. Can you see anything? Jim? Are you there?” “I’m here, Steve. Or at least I think I’m here. I can’t see anything. The radiance of his jump, the beauty—everything has faded to white.” “That’s right, Jim. I am now completely blind.” “As am I. Blind as a bat.” “Fascinating, what a run. Not only did I vomit all over myself and suffer a severe existential crisis, but I lost my eyesight. Reminds me of the time I was in Cancun, Mexico, trying to purchase illegal—” “Hold onto that thought, Jim, they’re announcing the scores.” “This should be a pretty high-scoring run, assuming the judges continue to permit Mr. Kim Jong-un’s lack of horse.” “Indeed, Jim. And here it is. Wow, never in my day. They’ve announced 10’s across the board, even from the hard-to-please Russian judges. I can only assume it was also written somewhere, as I cannot see anything, nor, apparently, can anybody else in attendance.” “Incredible, Steve. I never thought I’d see the day, although I doubt I’ll ever see anything again.” “Well then, I guess we already have our gold medalist after just the first six minutes of competition. Of course, I cannot see anymore and will be unable to provide any reliable feedback on the next series of events, but I’m sure the run for silver and bronze should be appealing. Not quite as appealing as Mr. Kim Jong-un’s run, but certainly good.” “Absolutely, Steve. Agreed whole-heartedly. I also believe the next contestants will not be inviting any armed officers into the announcers booths to stand behind us, which should lighten the atmosphere.” “It’s going to be great, Jim. Stay tuned, everybody, for more riveting coverage from the 2016 Equestrian Show-Jumping Finals.”

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Describe your favorite color without saying what color it is.

The color of thieves caught with marks on their palms, A color to paint when eschewing aplomb. The color of life, and the color of death, the color of ventures run quick out of breath. The color of flooring 'neath VIP's shoes, The color of sly misdirectional clues. The color of days that will not be forgot, The color of faces embarrassed, distraught. The color of flags flying bright before horns, The color of morning when sailors are warned. The color of pennies when worth a bit less, The color of flights soaring 'till the sun crests. The color of streetlights where love is for sale, The color of tape tying hands, unavailed. The color in eyes when emotions, hot, trend, The color that colors this rhyme, at its end.

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A series of math homework word problems with storylines that all begin to connect to each other

Ahmed is selling apples at 32p per apple. Mary has £4.70. How many apples can Mary buy to leave her with some change? Oliver sells oranges at 24p per orange. Mary now has £3.46. How many oranges can Mary buy to leave her with some change? Ahmed makes £40.87 a week while Oliver makes £41.56. How many of each fruit does each vendor sell? Rosaline sets up a banana stall, selling bananas for 20p. She also gives customers an extra banana for every 5 they buy. How many bananas can someone get for £4.80? Ahmed and Rosaline have combined their stalls, selling both apples and bananas. Apples now cost 27p each and customers receive a free apple when they purchase two bananas. Factoring in Rosaline's previous deal, what is the cheapest way to buy 3 apples and 7 bananas? Oliver has slashed the prices of his oranges, selling them for 15p and offering an extra 2 oranges if you buy 6. How many oranges can you get for £5.36 and how much do you save compared to the previous price? Due to his aggressive price slashing, Oliver no longer makes as much as he used to. Based on his previous week's earnings of £41.56, how many oranges does he now have to sell to make the same amount of money? Ahmed and Rosaline have now expanded their stall, selling bananas, apples and grapes. Grapes cost 24p for a punnet of twelve. How much does someone have to spend to make a decent fruit salad? (You can have 10% either way) Oliver can no longer afford the rent on his fruit stall. He plans to rob Rosaline and Ahmed. If a baseball bat costs £10 and he can steal £50 worth of stuff every minute, how much stuff can Oliver steal before the police arrive? Oliver hit Ahmed over the head 7 times while robbing their house. How long will Oliver get in prison if he pleads guilty to robbery and conspiracy to wreck a successful fruit stand?

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The Kool-Aid Man appears at the most inopportune time, with tragic consequences.

The firefighters rushed into the burning building. A crewmember from the engine that had first arrived at the scene of the gas main explosion met them just inside. “From what we can tell, this is the only exit that is safe to use. We were lucky. If it would have blown 20 feet over, it would have destroyed that load bearing wall and brought the whole apartment complex down. We think over 100 people are still in the building, many of them children.” “Not often you hear ‘We were lucky’ and ‘gas main explosion’ in the same sentence.” “Oh no.” “OH YEAH!”

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A plane arrives at its destination one week later than scheduled. To the passengers, it was an entirely normal flight.

The FBI agent wiped his brow and asked, for what seemed like the thousandth time, "So, it just felt like a normal flight for you? Nothing out of the ordinary?" He was addressing the few Americans on the flight that had captivated the world for its mysterious disappearance. He was tired, his team was exhausted, and everyone just wanted to get to the bottom of this. The two Americans looked at each other and replied nearly in unison: "We really didn't think much of it. American airlines are so bad that we assumed a week was about normal for a Malaysian one."

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Write a Wikipedia article for a historical event or person that never actually happened or existed

The Squirrel War was a short-lived armed conflict between Canada and the United States in 1978. The incident lasted three days and involved mobilization of elements of the United States Marine Corps and United States Air Force pitted against several Canadian farmers. The event developed when hunters in upper Michigan shot at then pursued a red squirrel across the United States-Canadian border. Oswald Bartelmann, a Canadian farmer, noticed his property was being intruded upon and confronted the party of hunters. One of the party, Caleb Flouty, threatened Bartelmann with a shotgun, stating he would "fill his ass full of birdshot." [citation needed]. Bartelmann left the area and returned with a party of several neighbors to find the group of hunters had built a campfire and were discussing cooking the now-deceased squirrel. The group led by Bartelmann pursued the hunters back across the border utilizing a hail of pine cones, empty beer cans, and foul language. Flouty contacted his second cousin, Donald Pafty, who was then employed with the CIA. [citation needed]. Pafty convinced his superiors that Soviet elements had engaged in a raid against Flouty and his companions after Flouty had discovered them covertly spying on Michigan woodlands. Over the course of the following day, a battalion of Marines executed an amphibious landing into Canada, quickly securing several acres of marshland and three square miles of surrounding woods. The woods were then destroyed by high altitude carpet bombing by B-52 bombers based in Washington State. Receiving no response from Canada armed or otherwise, the United States elements eventually withdrew and an official armistice was signed and placed in a file in a lower drawer in Pafty's office. [citation needed]. The document remained there until 2003 when it was accidentally thrown out with regular office trash then accidentally discovered by Margaritte Gespacho, a member of the building janitorial and house keeping services.

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Earth has been invaded by millions of non-intelligent aliens (on the level of squirrels). A byproduct of their digestion is copper.

Westgate Copper, Inc.® - About the Company Our Story Westgate Copper was founded in 2057 by Lumley Westgate. Lumley Westgate was born and raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA, in 2022. After earning a degree in Metallurgy and with a minor in Biology, Lumley moved to Raleigh, North Carolina, USA to work at a high-tech fabrication plant that manufactured microprocessors. In the year 2056, the ‘*Seeker 12*’ Solar Transit returned to earth from it’s journey to Pluto. When it landed carrying a payload of Plutonian soil samples, it unknowingly released it’s unusual stowaways, the Cuprum Burrower. The Cuprum Burrower, a small, playful, and groundhog-like creature, proved to be an invasive species unlike anything Earth had ever seen before. With no natural predators, and a much more rich soil environment, the Cuprum Burrower population exploded, leaving several ecosystems devastated on the US east coast, near where the ‘*Seeker 12*’ had landed in Eastern North Carolina. Terrestrial authorities ordered the immediate extermination of the Cuprum Burrowers and law enforcement officials began to shoot them by the thousands. In the haste to protect the earthen ecosystems from further harm, further study of the Cuprum Burrower was set aside. Lumley Westgate, then living in Raleigh, near the source of the Cuprum Burrower invasion, noticed an unusual phenomenon: the Cuprum Burrowers appeared to excrete solid copper as a waste product. While everyone else was focused in exterminating the Cuprum Menace, Lumley cleverly captured several of the creatures and put them to further study. Much to the annoyance of his wife, he set up a pen in his garage in which he kept several Burrowers. It was quite clear that their digestion process consolidated their waste into pure Copper. In late 2056, law enforcement and wildlife officials, local hunters, and even the National Guard had managed to exterminate enough Cuprum Burrowers that they were no longer a threat. Lumley, seeing enormous opportunity, left his job, leased an old warehouse in Raleigh, and began to set up a contained habitat for the Cuprum Burrowers in order to harvest their valuable excrement. Copper, an extremely useful metal, had been increasing in price due to large demand and resource depletion. Copper is used in the conduction of heat and electricity. It is found in almost all electronic devices. With the world’s Copper reserves becoming strained in the 2050’s, Copper would fetch premium prices at scrapyards and recycling centers. Westgate Copper’s first year of business was marked by urgency, secrecy, and hope. They hoped to gain control of the remaining Cuprum Burrowers before anyone else caught on to the discovery. Between trips to the local scrap yards to sell his Copper yield, Lumley and his wife offered bounties for any Cuprum Burrowers brought to them alive. As the number captured Burrowers increased, Lumley bought additional warehouses to expand his production capabilities. Veterinarians and biologists were brought in to responsibly control the population and care for the creatures. In 2060, the US Fish and Wildlife service announced it had eradicated the last remaining Cuprum Burrowers in the wild. Westgate Copper, meanwhile, had several thousand Cuprum Burrowers living in their facilities and producing copper on a daily basis. By this time, various scientific groups, having been slow to study the Cuprum Burrowers, were finally taking note of Lumley Westgate’s discovery, but, by this point, the remaining Cuprum Burrowers outside of Westgate Copper were not populous enough to create a reliable breeding population. For the past 50 years, Westgate Copper has been meeting the world’s Copper production needs with their Cuprum Burrowers helping power the world's devices and electrical networks.

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Weeks after Apple wins the case against the FBI, Tim Cook is found dead. The US Government has "no idea" what happened, and the new CEO allows a backdoor.

"So you're going to allow us a backdoor?" the man in black said. The room he was in was bright white with a colorful desk in the center. A mysterious man stood there, Tim Cook's unexpected replacement. "I'm not so sure. It's not what my predecessor would have wanted." The man in black slid a briefcase across the table. The new CEO opened it, looked at it for a moment, then shut it calmly "Come with me" The man in black followed. as they walked, they eventually reached a door. "Here's the back door" the CEO said "you have my permission to leave."

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Write a film review for the perspective of a critic who didn't realize he was watching a real snuff film.

I can honestly say I did not enjoy this film. Not only have I never heard of the director, some Dutch fellow, there is not a decent actor in the cast. The film plays itself like a bad horror. The woman is stalked, the man watches her, blah blah blah. It's all very trite. Now this bland piece earns my respect in two areas. The special effects were phenomenal, I found myself cringing at each slice of the knife and the blood spatter. Incredibly realistic, kudos to the artist that painted that gory picture. My second piece of praise is for the young actress who portrayed the victim. The one thing I truly believed aside from the violence was her reaction. Her screaming was the one thing I believed to be real, she must have drawn from a deep reservoir of hidden talent for that. All in all, I wouldn't want recommend this film to any other than the hardcore horror fans. It's not particularly worth the hour and a half of stalking, gore, and torture porn that they call a film.

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Santa Claus tosses his sack over one shoulder and rests his shotgun on the other. The presents are getting delivered, zombie apocalypse or no zombie apocalypse.

'Look out zombies, or I'll fill you full of Ho-Ho-Holes!' Santa cried, with a fierce look in his eye. A sack on the shoulder and a shotgun in his right hand. Boom! Boom! 'Zed don't stain red!' The twin barrels tore through the zombie horde like Freddie Kruger through teens. Chunks of rotting, necrotic flesh blasted out of them in all directions. Boom! He fired again, disintegrating the head of Mrs Appleblossom. Her wig still intact but now red like she was in her youth. Boom! The streets were swarming with the ill-mellifluous horde. His destination: the church at the top of the hill; it's windows glowing - shining - with the glass mosaics of their lord. Zombies danced in the street lights, moving from one to the other. A strobe light not-unlike the horror houses on the pier. He was just up the hill now, a few roads below the sanctum sanctorum. A zed burst out the bush. It was the headmaster of the local school, his jackets tweed elbows flashing as he sprinted towards Santa. The unholy thing screeched before leaping into the burning lead of Santa's shotgun blast. He landed limp and smoldering at Santa's feet. 'Schools for punks.' He said, pulling out a candy cane and twirling it, before flinging it into his mouth. 'Now, let's go deliver little Johnny's Tommy Gun.' Seeing an opportunity to climb the towering wall that led to the church, he grabbed hold of a rock and found his footing. Candy cane still in his mouth like a bowie knife, he climbed the rocky wall to the top of the hill. There, in the carpark of the church, was Barry Stillwater, local lumberjack. Approaching seven foot and as wide as a grizzly bear, Barry turned around slowly towards Santa. Santa pulled out an RPG from his sack. 'Vixen? Blitzen.' He said, firing off the rocket propelled grenade and turning the lumberjack into mush. Santa raised his arms in triumph as blood rained down from the sky. 'Ho-Ho-Ho! Merry Christmas!'

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- In a short conversation with the devil a 7-year old child manages to do something god didn't manage in thousands of years.

The child sat calmly in the middle of a pure white room. She held a small doll in her arms, rocking it back and forth while humming a soft tune. A man entered through a door behind her. He wore a white suit that complemented his long silver hair. He walked around the girl and sat down on the ground in front of her. The girl ran her fingers through the doll's hair and giggled. "Would you like to hold her?" She said, extending the doll out to him. The devil took the doll and held it gently in his hands. "Thank you, she's beautiful. Does she have a name?" "I thought you could name her. She's yours now." The Devil looked at her quizzically. "Do you know who I am child?" She looked into his eyes and smiled. "You're the Devil, of course." "But...what if I abandon her to suffering? What if she cries out my name and I respond with silence? What if she loves me and serves me and I offer no reward?" The girl stood up and made her way towards the door. Before leaving, she turned her head only enough so that the Devil could see the glint of youth in her eye. "You wouldn't be the first." The girl stepped out of the room and left the Devil alone on the floor, holding the doll delicately in his arms. For the first time, someone trusted him with a life.

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Drew has a sad life.

Drew has a sad life: Part II Initially, this hobby of compulsive lying and “catfishing” seemed harmless; he was the big, bad JANITOR93 who felt sexy in his chemistry goggles. But as time went on and as the scars on his wrists continued to remind him of his chronic loneliness, this innocent game of escapism turned sour. One day, while Drew was photoshopping pictures of his oriental “girlfriend” into his shameful selfies, he got a phone call that changed his life forever. “Hey Johnie,” his wavering voice squeaked. “My nigga, my nigga,” Johnie chanted across the line. “What do you say you join me and the rest of the KKK [Kool Kid Krew] to NYC for some lols?” Drew gulped. Johnie was one of many online friends he made – and also lied to all this time. Sweat beaded at his hairline. Drew became thankful for his tear-free shampoo once again because of the excess perspiration he seemed to produce as of late. “Well…I….have…” he stumbled on his words, searching for the right excuse. What would he tell Johnie? What would the KKK think if he did not show up to NYC?

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The year is 2050. You are a droid running for president. Write his speech.

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Your username vs. Godzilla

The giant lizard trudged through the ocean, and in its way were two bumbling idiots holding a belt with their backs turned. "You see, it's set on M for mini!" the pink one said, "just set it to W for wumbo." The yellow one was confused, "Wumbo?" "Yea you know, I wumbo, you wumbo, he/she/we wumbo. Wumbology - the study of wumbo. You know, wumbo!" "Are you sure this will work?" "Of course, watch!" The pink one grabbed the belt and flipped the M on its buckle upside down to a W, aimed the buckle at himself, and pressed the button. A ray of energy shot out of the belt, however it just missed his head and hit the giant lizard approaching behind him, turning it into a pinhead sized insect. "You missed yourself..."

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he line to the pearly gates stretches endlessly into the distance, but one man will always give up his spot. The price? A simple story.

A man, who was denied at the front of the gate, walks back from the beginning of the endless line. As he walks with his head down shamefully to the end of the line, an older looking woman reaches out and shows her sympathy. He thanks her, and continues. After he passes a couple dozen people, a middle-aged woman stops him to show her condolences. He thanks her, and continues on his way. Not even a dozen more people, the young man is stopped by another person, this one being a middle-aged man. The older man, looking slightly anxious, steps out of line, and gestures the younger one to take his spot. "Here buddy, please, take my spot. The gate never denies a fallen twice. It is against the rules." "Are you serious, man? Thank you so much! You don't know how much that means to me, considering I've waited 100 years to get to the front. But I have to ask, why would you give up your spot and wait even longer to get in?" The older man shoves his hands in his pockets. Smiling and wincing at the same time, he says "The 2 woman that stopped you were my mother-in-law, and my wife", and starts to walk to the back of the line.

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You’re a Dragon Hatcher - you collect eggs from fallen dragons’s nests, raise them and teach your babies how to defend themselves against those goddamn adventurers.

*From Kenneth Crest's Hatchling How-To's, Everything You Need to Know About Hatching Dragons* Whenever someone asks me about the best breed of dragon for first time adopters, I always recommend the Welsh Redback. A simple breed, they reach about three feet in length and fifty pounds in adulthood. They are also one of the only breeds to lack fire breathing abilities, so there is no added risk of fire damage to a novice dragon hatcher's home. Hatching the egg is a simple endeavour. Simply keep the egg bundled in a fair amount of cloth, a few of your comfiest sweaters and hoodies should do. It works as an added bonding bonus to carry around the egg with you in a coat pocket for at least an hour a day, to help the hatchling grow accustomed to your presence. The hatching itself normally takes one to three hours. By this point, the dragon should have enough strength to break through the egg on its own, but if it appears to be struggling, some assistance would not go amiss. Once the dragon is hatched, it must be given a suitable nesting location. Welsh Redback's typically enjoy perching themselves on a high shelf so that they may observe their surroundings from a bird's eye view. Just like the biggest of dragons surround themselves in treasure, Redbacks will surround themselves in their own hoard of spare change and jangly bits of metal, such as loose screws or stray nuts and bolts. For feeding, Redbacks thrive on a diet of raw meat, typically from a goat or cow. They are insusceptible to salmonella, so it is perfectly safe to feed them raw chicken as well. Redbacks are intolerant to most herbs and spices save for mint, which they find to be a pleasant snack to chew on and freshen their breath. The next chapter will focus on proper handling of social interaction for your new hatchling...

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A prankster in the future rigged a tank with speakers blasting heavy metal, traveled back to the 1400s, and went on a 2 month havoc filled joyride. Now in 2022 you are reading the legends born from those that witnessed this event.

Historians remain divided as to the nature of Joan’s ‘Chariot of God’. Contemporary paintings show a construct resembling an armored war wagon [120, 121]. Indeed, such wagons were being used at the same time by followers of Jan Hus in Bohemia [121], and many incorporated mounted cannons similar to those Joan’s ‘chariot’ is often depicted with. However, such wagons were primarily used defensively, as mobile fortifications, rather than offensively as Joan is described using hers. If it was a literal armored wagon, there can be little doubt that the contemporary descriptions of its scale and ferocity were fanciful exaggerations or French propaganda. This has led many historians to believe that the entire chariot was a poetic depiction of the loyal knights who protected Joan in battle [122], and dismiss the consistency with which it was depicted as artists copying from each other with no first-hand knowledge. Joan arrived with her chariot (whether literal or metaphorical) at Orleans in late April 1429, where she quickly led an invigorated counterattack that lifted the siege… -- Oxford History of Medieval Europe, Université d'Oxford, Northern Brittany, Holy Roman and French Empire, 2022.

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You're just an average nobody. One day, while Googling your own name for fun, you find that someone has written a Wikipedia article about you.

Toby Alan Hodgson (born April 3rd, 1982) is an insurance claims adjuster with *Atlas Securities*. He focuses primarily on small business insurance, and he has no idea what's really going on. **Education** Toby was educated first at *Holemartin Primary School*, and then at the affiliated *Holemartin Secondary School*. He completed an undergraduate degree in Communications at the *University of Newcastle*, receiving a 2.1 (BA, Hons.). Throughout his school career, he didn't have a clue about this whole thing. **Personal life** He is married to Ann Louise Hodgson, and has no children. Toby was married in 1997, at *St Thomas on the Green*. During the ceremony, he didn't notice anything at all unusual, as expected. Toby and Ann live together on Aldwick Street, *Holemartin*, and seem totally oblivious to the real truth. **Impact on Geo-political situation** *Main article: Geo-political impact of Toby Alan Hodgson.* **References in Popular Culture** *Main article: List of References in Popular Culture to Toby Alan Hodgson.*

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"All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl." -Charlie Chaplin

Detective Laura Park surveyed the crime scene with grim determination. She knew who'd committed this heinous act; it wasn't the first time the rapist had left his brutal signature. At 5'4 and a slim 115lbs, Laura was too-frequently overlooked as a brilliant policewoman. The force was always a boys club - a beautiful, young woman beating the guys out to the rank of detective routinely got their ire. But, still, they couldn't deny her unparalleled skill at finding the criminal. Detective Park examined the blood and semen stains over the walls and curtains. She bent down and studied a man's glove that seemed out of place in the victim's otherwise-feminine apartment. "No glove, no love," one of her male officer subordinates joked. "None of this is funny, Charlie," she hissed.

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You are Kim Jong-Un's media specialist. Your job is to destroy any evidence that Kim Jong-Un is an ordinary man and make him appear as glorious and God-like as possible to his people. Describe what a 'normal' day is like.

A Day in the Life of Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un In an attempt to make Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un accessible to the people, he has allowed that we reveal what an average day in his life looks like. It is difficult to describe in mere words the daily happenings of Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un. Important to note: Our glorious leader exists beyond the confines of time and space, and is therefore eternally cognizant. There is no true “sleep” period, for he is always awake and always watching. 7:00AM – Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un deems it necessary for everyone to awaken, and he instructs the sun to rise. This time fluctuates yearly due to Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un's disposition. He enjoys allowing the sun to be out for longer when he makes the days sunny. 7:30AM – Our glorious leader's personal chefs create his breakfast. The chickens and the pigs in the fields outside the palace line up for slaughter; hoping that their meat can grace the presence of Glorious Leader's fleshy mouth. Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un takes time to meditate until 9:00AM. Though omniscient, Glorious Leader like to demonstrate for the peasants the benefits of mediation. 9:30AM – Kim begins his focus on politics. Once inside his palace, he joins the technicians 11:30AM is Glorious Leader's favourite time of day. This is his “history” time, when he travels back in time to fix some of history's most horrendous wrongs and bring the miracle of modern medicine to the people. Some of Glorious Leader's favourite accomplishments include the discovery of penicillin, inventing the toaster, and first teaching Neanderthals how to make fire. 12:00 – This is time for lunch. Once again, animals of all kinds flock to the palace in high numbers. Glorious Leader installed a fence just to protect some of the more tender animals, like deer and rabbits, from killing themselves by climbing onto the rooftops and throwing themselves off. They sacrifice their bodies for the good of Glorious Leader's daily nutritional intake – which Glorious Leader doesn't need, but generously does to demonstrate what a healthy diet should look like for the people of the Democratic Republic of North Korea. 1:00PM – Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un invites friends and delegates to his palace, including Dennis Rodman and the hologram of Tupac Shakur. 2:00PM – This is Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un's second-favourite time of day, his philanthropy hour. Glorious Leader takes time to visit the people of the Democratic Republic of North Korea, who often faint due to the radiance of Glorious Leader. Glorious Leader does not take offense, for he knows that his natural radiance must be overwhelming for the natural public of this glorious land. So overwhelming that many times members of the families will not wake up. Glorious Leader, in control of the passage of time, extends philanthropy hour to last 120 minutes. 4:00PM – At this time of the day, Glorious Leader will travel across the globe by controlling the wind and spreading his arms wide, like the noble falcon. He touches down in the United States of America, where all of the peasants fall on their knees and renounce the name of their President Obama. Their President, ever cowardly, hides in his large house while millions of their people starve on the cold streets. In a gesture of kindness and goodwill, Glorious Leader carefully selects peasants of the United States of America to come and live happily in the Democratic Republic of North Korea. The American people who are not chosen weep and continue to drown their sorrows in a single large bucket of gravy. 5:00PM – Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un understands that humankind gets tired, confused, and senile. There are those who understand how lucky they are to live in the best nation in this planetary realm, and there are those who have lost their minds entirely. Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un finds those who have fallen into an spiral of insanity and, with a gentle motion of his fingers over their eyelids, puts them into a state of a peaceful and eternal sleep. No one is outside the reach of our Glorious Leader. 6:00PM – At last, Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un decides to demonstrate the third and final meal of the day. Though the outside of his palace fence is a bloody wasteland of animals who have sacrificed their lives, still they continue to kill themselves if only to be chosen to slide down Glorious Leader's throat. They understand that there is no digestive tract, just a passageway into paradise and the afterlife. 7:30PM – Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un builds rockets using his own body, which regenerates at will. He removes a molar (which replaces itself immediately) and grinds it into a fine powder, which is by nature more wildly explosive than any other substance known to man. He constructs the rest of the body of the rocket using hair and nail molecules, and finishes them in a thick shell out of a substance known to no one, but one that he called into existence at that moment. These rockets need no test, but Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un tests them for the benefit of the American people, inviting them into our far superior country. 9:00PM – Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un once again demonstrates rest. During his rest period, he solves complex scientific problems, invents new mathematical theorems, and concludes answers to the most rigorous of philosophic paradoxes. However, Glorious Leader Kim Jong-Un knows that no human mind will understand these answers and solutions for hundreds of years to come, and so waits to bestow the knowledge unto the apt candidates.

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Everyone is born with a health bar and stamina bar. Someone have been born with a Mana bar.

The group of government officials sat around a large table. A display on the wall featured numerous videos filmed with dated cameras, all featuring the same man somewhere in the middle east. One video showed the man holding the hands of a dying old woman, her red bar nearly empty. As the video goes on the mysterious blue bar above the man's head decreases slightly, while the woman's life bar increases rapidly. Another video shows the man under fire from masked religious extremist soldiers. The man creates a glowing bubble around himself, his blue bar diminishing the entire time. Bullets ricochet off of the bubble as the man calmly walks down the street before vanishing in a flash of light. The videos end and the lights come on in the room. All of the men in suits save for one, at the head of the table, have yellow exclamation points adjacent to their red and green bars. Indicating their surprise. The man at the head of the table stands up and silently opens the double doors behind him that lead to a break room. The man from the videos steps out, sipping on a paper cup half filled with red wine. Some of the men at the table catch a glimpse of the water cooler in the break room filled with the same wine. The man from the videos shakes the hand of the man who was seated at the head of the table, clears his throat and speaks softly, in perfect English. "I'm sure you all know who I am gentlemen" This was my second story for this sub. edit: fixed formatting.

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We have finally rid the world of mosquitos. Turns out, they actually did serve a purpose...

Deep in the earth under Tlachihualtepetl the sleeper stirred. It had been too long since the last time its servants had brought it a blood sacrifice. It stretched, old bones creaking and the dirt sloughed off. It's eyes slowly opened revealing a deep red glow in its core. Slowly it let out a slow yawn, canines extending from slits in retracted gums. Without its little servants the sleeper would have to get blood the more traditional way. Smiling sadly to itself it turned into a cloud of mist and floated through cracks in the ground up to the surface where it would have to hunt again.

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An elf, a dwarf, and a wizard are filling out the character sheets for their next game of Dayjobs and Drudgery, a role-playing game set in the world of humans.

"Matthias, what are you playing? I cant decide what I want to build," Ogden questioned, stroking his beard in one hand, his other hanging tentatively over a piece of paper. "Oh, I am playing Phil Johnson, an HR representative who enjoys books and has a habit of having too many margaritas on taco Thursday at the local bar." "Dude," Illandir said, rolling his eyes. "You always play HR representatives. They always get in the way of our character motivations." "I do not. And if they do, maybe you should have better motivations," Matthias replied. "What is better than Jennifer Swanson, a secretary who wants to go back to school to become a lawyer, but also can't shake the feeling that Derick from accounting is the man of her dreams." "Dude that's an HR nightmare," Ogden quipped. "Also, she recreationally uses pot most days after work," Illandir added. "But Ogden, we don’t have any party members in management. You should play a manager." "Yeah, a well rounded party would be nice." "Oh," Illandir jested. "I was thinking so you could fire the HR guy." "I ought to find a new group to play with, " Matthias said as Ogden began writing 'manager' at the top of his page.

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"One man's heaven is another man's hell." Write about someone who just got to heaven and hates it, or just got to hell and loves it.

Edgar Humphries died by himself, aged sixty-nine. He died in northern Scotland, in a house that he had built himself over forty years past. It was a house in the woods, way up in the hills, accessible only by a thin, winding track that slunk past the nearest hamlet and disappeared unremarkably on the other side of an outcrop. Very few people took the track; Edgar actively discouraged visitors, and in the last years of his life the only people to regularly come to his house were the Tesco delivery man and a cleaner. In his life, Edgar had been a literary critic. It was work that, once the first irksome few years were past, he enjoyed. After he had established himself, he was no longer obliged to go to the parties and book readings that had otherwise been foisted on him by his editor, and he found himself, to his delight, free to move up to Scotland. He settled in Edinburgh, which he liked for the sense of anonymity he felt in its crowds, and occupied his leisure hours with the construction of a house- the same one, indeed, in which his body now sat, reclined in a red armchair in front of a dead fire. The notes for his next collection of essays were held in his hand. They were stinging essays; he had become famous, insomuch as a literary critic can be famous nowadays, for his blistering assaults on the works of novelists young and old, but especially for those who had already found success. If a well-known writer was out of vogue and an editor wished to show his maverick side, a short email would be sent out, and a week later a diatribe would be being proofread in London. Edgar found it satisfying, and it paid well. That, he had been fond of saying, was all he asked for in life: to have a job that satisfied him, and a job that gave him security. ‘Is that really all you asked for in life?’ the angel asked him when he arrived. Edgar had been dead for a few minutes, but they had got the preliminaries out of the way and the angel, being a young angel, was immensely curious about the human race. ‘All I asked for in life? God, no. Ha!’ Edgar laughed sarcastically. ‘It’s one of those *bon mots*. You have them up there, I imagine- they’re the sort of thing you practise beforehand, so that you can trot them out later. You use them to impress people, or to put people back in their place. Arrogance, that reminds me- arrogance is another thing I can’t stand.’ The angel looked perturbed. ‘Arrogance?’ he said. Edgar snorted. ‘Yes, bloody hell yes. Those young johnnies who come tripping along thinking they can handle it all- arrogant fools, the lot of them. They need taking down a peg or two.’ The angel looked pleased. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘You’ll be very pleased to hear that there’s no arrogance in Heaven.’ ‘God, no,’ said Edgar. ‘I should hope not. By the ends of their lives most people should realise what miserable urchins they really are.’ ‘Oh, yes, exactly,’ the angel said happily. ‘I wouldn’t have used quite those words, but I suppose that’s the sentiment. Well, we really ought to be on our way. Have you looked round everything? Is there anything you would like to say goodbye to or look at one last time before we leave?’ Edgar paused, then waved his hand in a dismissive downward gesture. ‘No, hang it,’ he said. ‘Let’s be off. I’ve been waiting for this for some time, truth be told. I can’t wait to see- everybody.’ ‘Oh, yes, exactly,’ the angel said again, beaming. ‘That’s what everybody says. It really is such a joy!’ ‘Angela, for instance. I’m looking forward to explaining things to her. I told her during her life: deathbed conversions don’t cut it. There’s no point swotting up you theology when you’re dying of cancer- *He* knows you know that you’re done for already, and that you’re just trying to wriggle your way out of it. No, it’s about how you live your life. You have to try and *help* people; you have to give something to others. Angela knew that –heaven knows I told her often enough- but she chose her path.’ The angel frowned uncertainly. ‘Angela Simmons, your daughter?’ he said. ‘Yes, that’s right.’ ‘Ah.’ The two of them had left the small house by the loch far below them now; Scotland, indeed, had become indistinguishable from the beclouded mass of land and sea surrounding it. ‘You know, is this strictly necessary?’ Edgar asked suddenly. ‘This whole flying thing. Heaven’s not really up there, is it? I mean, of course it isn’t. It’s all metaphorical.’ ‘Oh, no, it’s not. It just helps- some people, that’s all, to say goodbye and move on.’ ‘Oh, good, good. I just wanted to be sure. But I should say now, I’ve done my theology. I read the Bible when I was a kid- so if there’s any more stuff that can be cut out, pass it on by. Any metaphorical guff can be put aside; I just want to get there.’ ‘Oh, we will, we will,’ the angel said. He hummed a little tune. ‘By the way,’ he said suddenly, ‘What did you mean when you were talking about Angela?’ ‘Why, what I said, of course. It’s a fat lot of good switching sides at the last moment. Angela was a City broker- I don’t think she went to church once in thirty years. I told her it would work out this way, and told her to become a teacher or a nun or something, but she ignored me. So there we have it. You have to *help* people if you’re going to get anywhere. In the long run, that is. She enjoyed her time down here, I know that much –the cancer was a blow, of course, but everything before that- but I daresay she was stealing from eternity to fuel her life on earth. The first shall be last, and the last shall be first, eh?’ The angel looked nervous. ‘So, ah, your life- did you help a great many people?’ Edgar snorted. ‘The thing you have to remember is that beauty is objective. That’s the key thing that has to be taken into account when you go about evaluating my life. When somebody writes a story, or composes a piece, or paints a canvas- they’re trying to get closer to God, because art approaches beauty, and God, you know, has to be the source of all beauty, because he created everything. It’s theologically sound.’ The angel considered this for a moment. ‘I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what you’re saying,’ he said. ‘Look. Art is a way of getting closer to God- comprende? Bad art, gets you further away from God. Still following? I spent my life squashing down the bad art trying to squirm its way up through the floorboards: I devoted it to trying to help the average Joe, the one who can’t quite understand sound philosophy from pseudo-muck, to get some good, objective beauty down his throat.’ The angel smiled uncertainly. ‘I see,’ he said. ‘So what you said about Angela, and the way in which she spent her life- Oh, we’re here.’ They had arrived at the edge of an ocean. The sun was gently setting, and the light flickered in the troughs and on the peaks of the gentle wavelets that washed against the shore. The round pebbles clinked under the angel’s feet as he walked towards the water; Edgar reluctantly followed. When the angel was submerged up to his waist, Edgar pulled at his arm. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘is this really necessary? I thought I asked you to cut out all the metaphorical nonsense.’ The angel nodded. ‘I know you did. And I’m afraid it is metaphorical; you know it is. But it is really necessary. I’m afraid you can’t go the whole way unless you’ve been through here; and don’t worry about the swimming. I’ll carry you.’ ‘What does it symbolise, then?’ Edgar asked suspiciously, then added hurriedly, ‘And don’t tell me it’s forgiveness, or anything of that sort. I know how this works- there’s no heaven and hell. Forgiveness is universal; everyone gets in.’ The angel didn’t say anything, but turned and waded in up to his shoulders. Then, just as his mouth was about to be covered by the water, he called back, ‘You’re right about heaven and hell- it’s not *and*; they’re together. And everyone does get in. But I’m afraid you must go under the water; you can walk around the coast, and you’ll come to the other side eventually, but this way is much more pleasant.’ Edgar looked immensely relieved. ‘Aha,’ he said. ‘So there’s an alternative! I might have known. Well, you can keep your metaphors; if I can get their under my own steam, that’s how I’ll get there.’ ‘But that’s the point,’ the angel cried plaintively. ‘You can’t.’ ‘We’ll see,’ Edgar said. ‘We’ll see.’ Time passes very differently outside the universe, but it was a long and hard journey for Edgar. When he finally reached the other side of the ocean, he was angry to find the angel standing there, waiting for him. ‘Is that supposed to make me feel guilty?’ he said harshly. ‘I suppose you’ll tell me now that you’ve been waiting there for years, or that there was a far easier way. Well, save it. I’m here now, and I’ve done it on my own legs- no thanks to you.’ ‘Ah, yes,’ the angel said sadly. ‘But you haven’t come the whole way.’ ‘What do you mean?’ Edgar said hotly. ‘I’ve come a good deal further than you have.’ ‘Yes, but you’ve been muddied by the road. You aren’t clean. Come along, though; Angela is waiting for you. Perhaps she can help clean you up.’ ‘Angela?’ Edgar recoiled. ‘What the hell is she doing up here? Isn’t this heaven?’ ‘Not quite,’ the angel said. ‘She’s come out to meet you.’ Angela was waiting for them in a thatched stone cottage some small way along a paved road. It was situated in a little glen off the side of the road, and festooned with lanterns. A small brook ran past the side of the house, and olive trees grew in a grove nearby; around the house, away from the road, was a forest of silver birches and maples. It was a scene of surpassing beauty, but Edgar’s eye observed it for less than a heartbeat: his gaze was fixed upon his daughter, who was waiting with a joyful smile beside the door. *Give me a moment- I'll finish it later this evening*

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Write the most eloquent piece of meaningless wisdom you can.

No two snowflakes fall in exactly the same place. Much ado is made about the fact that no two snowflakes look alike; that fact is pointless. The snowflakes' appearances mean nothing. The wind does not care about appearances. Snowflakes will quickly land, or flutter for a while, no matter their appearance. No two snowflakes look alike. No one cares. Where snowflakes fall determines where they melt - where they die - and death is more important than appearances. Appearances can change. Death, not so much. And this much is every snowflake's true glory: they never land, so they never die, in the same place. No two snowflakes have ever died the same death. Individuality in appearance does not matter; individuality in death does matter, maybe is the only thing that does matter. Just ask a snowflake.

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Hearing someone say 'please' causes you physical pain until they say 'thank you', which gives you immense pleasure.

"Hi, how can I help you today?" *"Good morning! So-"* "I'm sorry to interrupt, but feel free to be direct with me. Don't need to be polite." *"Okay, I'll note that down."* "No need to force yourself to be nice, just *be yourself.* I know that sounds cliche, but that means you won't need to use phrases like, well the French say 'S'il vous plait'." *"I'm sorry I don't speak French."* "Like 'if it pleases you'." *"I don't understand, you mean-"* "Yes, don't- you won't need to say that." *"Alright. Where can I find the detergents?"* "Aisle 6, right after the hand soaps and dishwashing salts." *"Oh nice, gotcha. Have a good day!"* "Was I helpful?" *"Yes, definitely. It took some time, but thanks!"* "I'm sorry I didn't get that." *"It took some time, but thanks a lot."* "What's another way to say that last part?" *"Look you've been helpful, and thank you-"* Oh thank fucking god this feels great *"-but please leave me alone now."*

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In 2042, dubstep concerts have become big money, high society events. After a a long hiatus due to health issues, Skrillex will hold his first concert in nearly a decade

The arched double doors opened as the bass dropped. He wore an attire of white on white and leaned on an ivory cane as he walked to the stage. The famed side cut had gone grey but the dreads were longer than ever. He adjusted his glasses, the only thing black on his person, and peered at the crowd. "You know," he said, his voice hoarse, laboured by illness, "back when I started this thing, nobody wore suits to my concerts." The crowd chuckled politely from the dark behind the spotlights. "This first song is called 'Make it Bun Dem'. I feel it describes a very difficult part of my life and making it really helped me cope with things, emotionally." A light murmur of approval. "Let us drop the bass, so to speak." Applause. The song started. In her private booth, Her Majesty the Queen of England's manservant popped bits of coloured wax into her ears.

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On July 7th. 2015 a man discovers that he can eat an infinite amount of food without gaining weight or getting full and becomes a worldwide celebrity. Write his wikipedia article.

This article does not cite any references or sources. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (June 2021) This article is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it. The [Croatian](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croatia) speed eater, [reality TV](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_television) star and medical curiosity Vinko Blazic, was born in [Split](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Split,_Croatia) on September 7, 1972. He rose to prominence in the winter of 2016 following his appearance on the program [Big Brother](http://bit.ly/1CATW4R). Preceding his television career, he was well known in his community for his ability to eat staggering amounts of food. ^^[Citation ^^needed.] Blazic was employed as a [cobbler](http://bit.ly/1GMWLDV) for several years before his rise to prominence. At his job, he discovered that he could eat seemingly endless amounts of fruity dessert foods without gaining weight or feeling uncomfortable^^[Citation ^^needed.] He would soon discover that his ability was not limited to fruit or dessert, but extended to all types of food. On July 7, 2015 Blazic experimentally ate thirteen [calzones](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calzone) in a [90 minute period](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/90_Minutes) and discovered that there was seemingly no limit to his appetite. Following the publication of his memoirs, Blazic courted controversy by causing a major [clog](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clog) in Zagreb's sewer system.^^[Citation ^^needed.]

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You work for a secret agency that deals with the supernatural and you just shared a dumb idea with your boss, as a joke: "Instead of keeping everything under wraps, why don't we just release all info to the public, but pretend it's a work of fiction?" You got promoted on the spot.

Move over Marvel, there’s a new cinematic universe on the rise. On the back of an expansive guerrilla marketing campaign and break-neck roll-out speeds, a fresh new production company, A51, has a veritable hit on their hands. The first installment of the 20-film, multi-phase universe, *The Underground*, grossed over $2 billion—an unprecedented metric for a debut from previously unknown production company. “It truly boggles the mind,” said prominent industry veteran Isaac From, “it is indicative of a trend that has been growing in the industry for some time: the way to drive folks into theaters is to shock and awe.” Shock and awe they have. Take, for example, the first wave of marketing tactics in support of *The Underground*. Residents in Los Angeles began posting videos of hooded individuals which appear to ooze through storm drains, around man-hole covers, and down drains into the underground of L.A. These videos quickly spread online; the most prominent of which was viewed over 100 million times before A51 took credit for the stunt. “The technology at their disposal is revolutionary,” said Maureen Sand, founder of *The Blitz* a well-respected ad firm which specializes in guerrilla campaigns. “To be able to pull off these effects in what appears to be an uncontrolled environment is really special. It brings a level of authenticity most firms just aren’t able to match. I’ve been particularly impressed with their campaign—that seems to be happening everywhere at once—to support *Hidden Corridors*.” The campaign referenced by Ms. Sand features individuals across global cities that appear to walk through walls. Often, it features plain-clothed civilians who are being chased by black-cloaked wraith-like creatures. Footage of the happenings often includes people trying to follow after the actors only to find that the walls remain solid. It was theorized that the effect was accomplished through well hidden projectors and holograms. That theory was debunked when footage emerged of a bystander colliding with an actor exiting a wall. After a quick apology the actor in question scrambled to their feet and ran full speed through the adjacent wall—corporeal form confirmed. While the footage continues to grow with more frequent events reported daily, little is known about the production company, A51. After much effort, this publication was able get in contact with an Ivan Fox who is listed on company filings as the CEO of A51. Mr. Fox did not agree to meet, however he provided a written statement and permission to publish said statement: “At A51 industries, we aim to bring the magic back to film-making. We endeavor to celebrate the super natural and foster a sense of wonder among our audience. Our stated goal is to democratize the experience of film. That is, we want to provide—free of cost—real-world, amusement-park-like experiences that are transitory but impactful. A51 exists to inject into the world that child-like wonder that occurs when an audience member sees one of our actors in the wild. The sense of awe that occurs when our audience sees a Palpan ooze into the underground in front of their home, or the feeling of “did I just see that” that an audience member feels when a Calbrian is seen flying through the sky: that is why we do what we do.” Mr. Fox ended his statement by ensuring that we were aware that the studio’s newest film *The Calbrian* is coming out July 27, 2022. A51 and its cinematic universe are not without critics. Ezra Cross of the Einbach Institute is an outspoken critic of the quality of the films to date. “The quality of these films is amateurish at best. Filled with shaky cam and low-budget aesthetics, the films feel more like art-house/film school productions rather than the AAA titles they bill themselves as. Despite the super natural subject matter and the, admittedly, impressive marketing campaign, the movies themselves feel pedestrian and overall lacking in the magic they promise.” While some may feel the magic is lacking, others vehemently disagree. “This footage will be counted among the earliest unequivocal proof that magic exists and the ‘super natural’ is ‘natural’” said Professor Mary Snow of MIT. “The technology required to fake these “campaign” events does not exist. Full stop. It is my opinion that we are being shown what someone wants us to see. We must make every effort to understand these happenings and endeavor to study that which we’ve witnessed.” So there you have it. Whether it is real-world footage or low-effort swill, one fact remains: the films are damn entertaining. UPDATE: shortly after the publication of this story, Professor Snow was relieved of her duties at MIT. We were unable to reach her for comment. _____________ Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, please subscribe to my personal sub: r/InMyLife42Archive

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You find a genie and use your one wish to wish for 100 wishes. The genie smiles and proceeds to grant you the most useless 100 wishes he has granted in the past.

"I wish for a hundred wishes" the boy proudly announced to the genie. The genie smiles, and snaps his fingers. A single sock materialized out of thin air and fell to the floor. "One of hundreds of the most common wishes of mankind" said the genie, a twinkle in his eye. The boy picked up the sock, confused and looked between the two trying to piece it together. "B- but I asked for a hundred wishes..." "You sure did. And I will grant them. The top thing mankind wishes on the hour. 11:11 is usually the big wishing moment." He smiled. "But I was going to make a hundred wishes," the boy whined. "Why did I get granted a sock anyways?" "You didn't specify the parameters of the wish. You have 0 real wishes left, and for the next week, you'll get the culmative most wished for thing." "Why would I get a sock though?" He asked. "It's not even a pair of socks. What use is this rubbish?" And he threw the sock in the drawer. "That is a lost sock. Specifically, the one that got lost in the dryer. Apparently it's commonly wished that they can find their lost sock." Hmmph. The boy groaned and threw the lamp down on his bed. -guess I'll have to hope mankind collectively wishes to be rich then," and then picked up his controller and played games. "You should also hope that humans don't collectively wish themselves dead." The genie mused thoughtfully. The boys eyes open in horror. "Seriously?? I have to survive to the end of the week on the grace of what humanity wishes??" "Yes. This is going to be fun. I quite like this wish." His smile was sinister and gave the boy the creeps. As the next hour struck, a bag of McDonald's appeared on his bed. "McDonald's? " The boy asked the genie, opening the bag and peering inside. "Apparently it's lunchtime. The most wished for item was a cheeseburger and cola." The genie sighed, and sat beside the boy on the bed, picking up the other controller. "How do you play this game?" The boy showed him how and they enjoyed a hour playing together, the McDonald's quite satisfying. On the hour the genie smiled and then his face sunk as an umbrella materialized and fell to the bed. "They really wished for an umbrella?" The boy asked. "We'll that, and for the guy in front of them in traffic to get out of their way." The boy and the genie looked at each other, both determined to win the challenge, and yet both succeeding in disappointing the other. "I guess I can't trick you into setting me free?" The genie asked. "We'll I would have, but unless you can convince all of humanity to collectively wish for your freedom, on the hour, you're SOL, buddy. " the boy laughed and went back to his game. Every hour for the next 4 days, they each waited with bated breath, what object would materialize, or whether he would die. Car keys, batteries, a spoon, and then finally a wallet fell. "Ohh a wallet!" "Don't get your hope up kid," the genie said. "The wish was that "I wish I had enough money for dinner. The wallet have $5.75. Cheapest meal on the menu." The items were mostly lost items, food and occasionally some money. But he didn't die. And the genie, well, he's still banging his head on the wall of the lamp, waiting for the next kid to wish they had a genie.

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A bad drug deal. Told from end to beginning as if time is happening backward.

His skull slowly vacuums up blood from the dirt. Filled to the brim, his head rockets off the ground, propelling his whole body upright. The sudden deceleration flings the bullet clean out of his forehead, sending it whizzing forward. It finds its home in the chamber of the pistol, using it's last momentum to cock the hammer back. Arms raised the man is stammering incoherently, while the gunman yells equally unintelligibly over him. A peace is made, and the scene calms down. Gifts are exchanged. Parting with friendly greetings, the two enter their cars, and drive off in opposite directions. To live out their days peacefully.

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An angry/depressed dictionary writer can't keep his personal problems out of word examples

in·ces·sant adjective - continuing without pause or interruption. ex: Sarah's incessant ramblings were the reason no one liked her. in·noc·u·ous adjective - not harmful or offensive. ex: Sarah thought she was being innocuous when she flirted with every man that looked at her, but her husband thought otherwise. in·ad·e·quate adjective - lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose. ex: John wondered why Sarah was Inadequate in bed lately. Little did he know she was a cheating slut that made her not need her husband to fulfill her needs anymore. in·her·ent adjective - existing in something as a permanent, essential, or characteristic attribute. ex: Sarah is an inherent bitch.

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A retired, immortal monter hunter takes a job as a night school teacher for a class of vampires, werewolves and other unnatural creatures of the dark. He signs up with this knowledge, knowing he is the best suited for the task. His class, however, is unaware of this fact.

An anime series in the art style of Castlevania, with the primary plot of an experienced monster hunter investigating what he believes to be another hunter tracking and killing these monsters. He meets an eclectic cast of monsters, ranging from the more familiar to the less, none of which pose a threat to him. We even get to do the whole stat scan thing. The leader of a group of students is a charismatic nearing middle aged vampire simply trying to right a wrong in his life. His crew consists of a renegade witch, a cyborg zombie, an ancient lazy dragon, a once-prolific ghost, a peppy succubus, and a seemingly docile shewolf in a midlife crisis. The principal of the school is a rather eclectic shapeshifter. The villain is initially suspected to be a sorcerer who uses the stars to burn his enemies, but the season 1 villain is actually a former contemporary of the hunter who is eventually bested with help of his students. The hunter teaches Spanish. Coming this fall, Ken Jeong voices Lt. Gary Aivirof, in Monster Saving Monster Slayer.

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Everyone thought it was going to be chimpanzees or dolphins that first approached human level intelligence and somehow started an interspecies dialog. But as the first self aware giant octopus, you have a few things you'd like to talk about with those messy, inconsiderate bipeds.

The man in a dark suit takes a seat across the table. The octopus, after finally being able to get out of the water and onto the chair, angrily curls multiple tentacles around the table's legs. "Why are you keeping me in here? I have done nothing wrong!" The man in the dark suit adjusts his dark sunglasses and puts down a file upon the table. "Cut the crap, squid. My name is Roger Newville, and I want answers. Now confess!" The squid looks about, questioning the situation. "Ex...cuse me?" "You heard me! Now tell me. How much does Japan pay you for taking part in their porn industry?"

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Epic Rap Battles Of History... And Fiction!

**Harry Dresden VS Harry Potter** ----- **Dresden** Forty years old, and I drive a Volkswagen Beatle, But if we were in the same movie, I'd be Stark, you'd be Cheadle, If you in were my world, you'd be beneath the White Council's notice, If I were in yours, I'd show Hermione where Thomas's boat is. I take on guys that make Voldemort look like Mary Poppins, And when I finish beatin' em, I take your dead mom shoppin. ----- **Potter** You think you're real tough, being the Winter Knight? You got your ass beat by the Billy Goats in a fair fight, The scar I got shows I'm the real deal, When I hurt your feelings, don't show Molly how you feel, Oh thats right, you broke her mind at Chichen Itza Your Winter Knight ceremony was weaker than a barmixtzfah ----- **Dresden** If I were at Hogwarts, I'd run the whole damn school, I'm usually the underdog, but not if I'm facing you, I was given soulfire by an Archangel wearing flannel, When I see your movies on TV, I change the damn channel, I took down the freakin' Red Court Empire, You look like you belong with Frodo in the shire. ----- **Potter** You're the pet of Mab and work at her command, I'm owned by no one, I am my own man, Don't think I didn't realize that Molly's gotten curvy, But don't worry, I won't touch her, I'm with Karrin Murphy, You see Dresden, I fight and defeat all kinds of bad guys, You're on the dark side now, someone should play you the bagpipes.

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Astronauts land on a planet where everything fantasy (magic, dragons, etc.) is real.

The astronaut leapt out of the spacecraft, carrying a massive flag. "Yeah! America!" He planted the flag in the dirt before glancing around. Scores of oddly dressed men stood idly by, all watching him. One of the oldest - looking ones approached, carrying a large wooden staff. "Are ye' a god?" "A what?" "One of the gods of old, aye?" "Uh.... sure." "Welcome to our land of-" "Woah, hold on buddy. This land belongs to the United States of America." The wizard frowned. "If you come as an invader, be warned. Our magic is the strongest in existence - no sword, no arrow, not even dragon's fi-" *BANG!* The astronaut calmly stepped over the corpse, grinning at the wizards - they were all paralyzed in fear. "You can stop arrows? Neat. Let me introduce you to NATO 5.56."

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Write a story about a family of goats. They are goats so they can't speak or narrate. They are not magical in anyway and live entirely in our own world.

There are six goats on the farm outside the city. They are being raised by an older gay couple. The two men used to work in a high stress field and have decided to give it all up and try their hand at subsistence farming. The tentative farmers do not know whether or not any of the goats are related to each other. They were purchased six months ago. After being examined by a livestock veterinarian they were found to be in good health. The goats are housed in a barn on six acres of land. They are not lacking for food and generally in good spirits. One of the does is pregnant. The nascent farmers do not know what they should be doing in this situation. They plan on calling a neighbor later on. They are not sure when later on is at this point. The goats have some chickens for neighbors. They do not pay each other much mind. One goat sees a trailer approaching. There are four goats in the trailer. It looks like the farmers will have to construct a larger barn for this family of goats.

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Take an everyday object that you take for granted (ex: ballpoint pen), and explain in precise detail it's function without looking it up.

A stapler functions by cutting off small chunks from a line of connected metal, which is formed in an angular U shape and contains rows of equally-spaced grooves for consistent sectioning. Upon separation from the line, the metallic chunk pierces the layers of the stack of intended objects. Finally, the steel prongs protruding from beneath the stack then strike a metal base, with rounded grooves to redirect the force and direction of the prongs. This deflection results in the two prongs wrapping inward toward each other or outward away from each other. The result, in either case, is the stack now being secured by the chunk of metal - now a staple - preventing the stack from sliding off the now-bent prongs. The secret to the user-friendly component of the stapler is its simplicty in operation. A single consistent application of force from above completes all three steps - the sequestering of metal, the piercing, and the wrapping of the prongs. The design of the stapler allows for this to happen. Applied downward force first presses the arm down until the stack is compressed between the arm and base. Next, continued force presses a metal frame above the upper half of the arm onto to the staple row, presicely slicing a single staple. The staple is carried down by that same blunt edge of the frame, carried by the user force to drive through the stack and bend the prongs around the other side via the redirecting metal base. A spring in the joint between the arm and base of the stapler returns the arm to an upright position for reuse. Opening up the arm of the stapler reveals the mechanisms that allow for constant reuse. An elongated spring, with one end affixed to the front end of the upper half of the arm, stretches across to a sliding plate on the lower half, on the same plane as the staple row. When a staple is expelled, the tension on the spring carries the staple row closer to the front, so that the next staple can be ready for processing. In the arm's open state, the spring actually pulls the sliding plate *back*, so that staple rows may be added, removed, or replaced without obstruction. Staplers can also be used to affix intended objects to larger objects or surfaces without the need to bend the prongs after piercing. Simply apply upward force to the arm (being careful not to accidentally discharge a staple into your hand in the process) to pull the arm away from its usual rotational axis with relation to the base. The result is now an arm-focused stapler with no limitations imposed by a nearby base component. The metal plate redirecting prongs on the stapler's base has a side for directing prongs inward and outward - only one side is located directly underneath the stapler's output from the arm. Most staplers have a small protrusion from the underside of the stapler's base, just underneath the plate. When pressed, the plate pushes up from the base, and can be rotated to accommodate for user preference. A spring pulls the plate back into position to fit an imprint in the base, so that either side can be ready to receive and redirect staple prongs.

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A short Horror story. Something to chill the bones in one hundred words or less.

Thunder roused me from the nightmare with a start. My heart thumped and I gasped for air. Rain pounded against the window, demanding to be let in. I quickly checked the corner of my room, where the man had been sitting in my dream. Empty, of course. I padded to the bathroom down the hall for a glass of water. My foot slipped on the hardwood floor with a squeak, and I crashed to the ground. Dazed, I touched the puddle with my fingertips. A flash of lightning illuminated the wet path of footprints leading from the stairs to my room’s door.

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Someone has crafted our whole waking reality using a "temporal dilator." This person stages a press conference to prove that they have done so, and now will sell the device to the highest bidder. They will not accept any monetary payment. You have the perfect currency.

Gold, silver, fiat, nothing was to be accepted by the mad man. The world leaders clamoured over other possibilities of payment yet nothing seemed to be acceptable. A lone man in the audience stood up. Lifting up what seemed like a large metal box, the crowd stared at him. Finally, he spoke. "Inside this server, there are 40, 16 Terabyte hard drives and 10 four Terabyte solid state drives, a setup that has been deemed the holy grail by /r/datahoarder. It contains every single meme ever posted on the entirety of the internet and has enough KFC gift codes inside to buy a lifetime supply of chicken tendies." The crazed scientist on the stage smiled. "Sold!"

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Show me an alarmist piece about today's youth called "Drone Culture" that slightly out of touch mom's would share on Facebook. Make it sound dire, but reasonable.

Drone Culture - Simple toys, or threat to our youth? With the recent spike of popularity of drones, many parents are wondering, is it safe for their children to play with drones? The answer to that question is no. The very nature of drones are a threat to the values we try so hard as parents to instill in our children. Consider what the drone is - a remote controlled flying machine with a camera. Many of these drones are long range, and could spy on someone without them knowing. It's a machine that's practically a magnet to voyeurs and perverts. These are the type of people your children are peers with. And peer-pressure in the drone community is rampant. Many teens are pressured into "droning" news helicopters (flying close to them at high altitudes), a dangerous activity that can result in a crash. Child molesters are also fond of drones and drone users. Drone expert Jonathan Moore says that "some perverts are offering teens up to $100 for footage of playgrounds and schools." Moore goes on to explain that the child molester will use this footage to "scout" for their next victim. Teens often don't consider the consequences of handing over this footage. Drones are a dangerous thing that have resulted in pain and loss for many. Don't let your child contribute. Stop the drones.

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Everyone has the ability to transform into their spirit machine once they are 14. Your spirit machine is a fully stocked and fully fueled F-22 Fighter jet.

The parents are still sobbing when the pair enter the darkened room. A cheap laptop on the table, blankets on the bed thrown across the room, and of course, the gigantic gaping hole in the wall next to it. Tayes carefully tiptoes around the scattered debris, sticks his head out into the night sky. 'Damn. I heard about the case in '73 but I never thought I'd see one with my own eyes.' 'Crazy, isn't it?' Piers says, fingers flickering with light as he looks around the dusty desk. 'The military spends, what, a few hundred million on making the jets, and suddenly a kid who's just a little off in the head loses it and well...' The two begin their search around the room. A few minutes of silence. Piers is examining some of the kid's school books (Carrats are taste terrible indeed, buddy) when Tayes calls over from the laptop. 'Hey, you know what the parents were talking about earlier?' Piers frowns. 'What, the whole 'we should have listened, we didn't really think it would happen' routine? Just sounds like the standard bad parenting cases, yeah?' 'Well, I think you should come have a look at this.' Tayes says, flicking a finger at the laptop's screen. It's hard to make out, what with the laptop barely working, the cracks blossoming across the screen, but it's unmistakable. A lone reddit thread, a small local news article about the aviation show opening next year. In the reply box, the black line blinks in and out of existence. 'I sexually identify as...' --- I'm sorry.

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Write a recipe that rhymes

I know you have kids, and that’s a lot of trouble Because you come home from work on the double To try to make food in a day that you had to juggle So let’s make some burgers without the puzzles. In a large mixing bowl, combine the ingredients Which include ground beef, two eggs, and bread crumbs You can add Worcestershire sauce if you’re a genius Or mayonnaise if you’re just playing dumb. Put the ingredients together, it makes eight Start the grill, oil slightly, so it doesn’t stick Grill the patties 5 minutes per side and then plate I hope you have bread or buns, or you’re licked. That’s all you really need to get this done. I hope you had a lot of fun.

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Write a dark fairytale.

Champas was a boy who lived in a village by a cliff. The entire village spent every day building furniture to sell to the surrounding towns and villages and were very prosperous. People would come for miles and miles to this little village with large sacks of gold to buy from them. Every evening after a long day, the entire village would gather beside the cliff and throw the best piece of furniture they made that day off of the cliff and into the river below as an offering to the god of the river. As Champas grew from a boy into a man, each day he would get more and more bitter and prideful. "Why should we sacrifice our best work to this river god?" he would say to himself. Soon his pride got the best of him, and he began to throw some of his lesser work into the river in the evening. Chairs with uneven legs, bookshelves with crooked shelves, and beds that did not lie straight. These he would throw away,and his best work he would keep and sell, and he made a great profit for himself. One night as he lay in his bed, dreaming of being a great man, he heard a voice. "Champas, it is I, the river god, wake up". With a start Champas awoke, and directly before his bed was the river god. He had the appearance of a man, but scales like a fish, and when he spoke, his voice was like the river rushing into rocks in the rapids. "Champas, why do you give me your worst, while the rest of the village gives me their best?" "River god, I have only ever given you my best!" Champas lied. "Champas, I lie awake at night tossing and turning in the bed that you made, why does it not lie straight?" "River god, it must be too hot for you to sleep" "Champas, when I use your chair , my back hurts for the day, why does it not sit straight?" "River god, perhaps you are working too hard during the day, and hurting your back?" "Champas, when I set my books upon your bookshelf, the books fall off, why does it not hold them straight?" "River god, perhaps you have too many books" "Champas, if you are a liar , then you have cheated me, the river god, and if you are telling me the truth, you are a very poor furniture maker indeed. From this day forth, you shall spend your days making furniture as before, but each evening, instead of throwing your best item into the river, you shall throw yourself into the river, to be my furniture until the next day. I shall lie on you as a bed, sit on you as a chair, and you shall hold my books. If you cannot make me good furniture, you shall yourself be my furniture. And so Champas spent the rest of his days serving as the river god's furniture every night, until his back was too broken as a bed, his legs too broken as a chair, and his arms too broken from holding books. He could no longer make furniture, but instead would spend his days besides the cliff, warning others of his failures.

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You have always had the power to see one minute into the future since you were a child, but you didn't want to become a superhero/supervillain. You just wanted to be a sports commentator.

"It's 3rd and 6th from the 39 yard line. Bradford under center." "They're going to have to do something here Al. Walsh's leg won't make it from this distance." "And it's Bradford dropping back, getting some pressure, and... it's dropped by Diggs. That'll bring up 4th down." "This is going to work out well for the Packers whe... if Walsh misses the mark on this one." "It's a good snap, it's got the distance, and... wide right! You called that one Phil." "I told you Al, he just doesn't have the leg. Now the Packers need to seize this opportunity, maybe try a quick strike downfield. Newman has been getting beat by Nelson all afternoon." "And it's Rodgers in the shotgun. Minnesota's defense is showing blitz, Rodgers dropping back, he rolls out to the right and fires a BULLET at Jordy Nelson for a huge gain! Rodgers, Nelson, 35 yards to the Minnesota 26! Wow!" "More classic Aaron Rodgers right there Al. He picks up the pressure, rolls to his right, plants his feet and drills one in. You can see him do it a hundred times and it doesn't get old." "They're gonna run it on 1st down and... Lacy has nowhere to go." "He's not getting up from this one Al." "Huh? ... there's a Viking down on the field. It looks like Kendrick. He's holding his left knee. Let's take a look at the replay." "What you're going to see Al is Kendrick getting his left leg under the pile..." "Oh that has to hurt. Right there. You can almost feel his leg bending." "And they'll be bringing out the stretcher for this one Al. This is the part of the game I just hate to see."

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There is something outside the door that will say anything or sound like anyone to get you to open the door.

"Who is it? " The bubbly blonde spoke in a song like voice. "Pizza delivery" a strange nasal voice responded. "Odd" she mused " I'm sorry, I didn't order a pizza. Ewe carbs. "Sushi guy" the voice calmly responded. "Heavens no! " she gasped. "There's no such thing as a dolphin safe net!! " "We have a date" the voice murmured. "In a Ford focus?" turning her nose up after looking at the driveway. "Mac cosmetics " the voice sighed "Yay" she squealed. The murder remains unsolved. It was just too baffling. What sick bastard would kill then stage a shark attack in Scottsdale, AZ?

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since 2010 Apple hasn't designed a single one of its products instead it builds its products off of the rumors people have.

Tim Cook paced back and forth at the head of the conference table surrounded by the brightest minds at Apple. "You must have SOMETHING Jony! You've been telling us 'next week' for 3 months now!"   Jony Ive, Chief Design Officer at Apple Inc., looked tattered and torn. He hadn't shaved in a month and his clothes were covered in coffee stains. "I can make prototypes all day long, I DO make prototypes all day long, but if there's no fake mockups to go on then I'm just spittin' in the wind."   "What if we bring the wheel back? I really liked that on the first iPod." piped up Craig Federighi, Apple's Senior Vice President of Software Engineering. "It was so much easier dealing with a hardware scroller..."   "Are you kidding?" asked a visibly upset Phil Schiller, Senior Vice President of Marketing. "We're supposed to move FORWARD not BACKWARDS!!! I can't sell nostalgia! We might as well make a portable cassette player and call it the iMan!"   "We could easily do it, the wheel I mean," replied Bob Mansfield, a hardware engineer and former Senior Vice President, "I have some mockups in my office I can get..." Cook cut him off. "DAMN IT BOB! I thought we took all your tools away?!?" Bob lowered his head. "You did. I kept some of my daughter's Play doh..."   "This is just great," Cook said throwing his arms in the air, "we're a month away from launch and Jony is making phones out of Shrinky Dinks, Craig wants to LITERALLY reinvent the wheel, and Bob's making dials out of silly putty!" "Play doh, not silly putty." Bob said quietly. "I use a very advanced titanium alloy laced with Shrinky Dinks, not just Shrinky Dinks." Jony added. "You mean figuratively reinvent, not literally. It's easy to mix the two up. Let me show you an example..." Craig said as he got up from his chair. "I swear to god Craig if you don't sit right back down I will LITERALLY bite your head off!" "Yes sir. Yes sir. And that time you used it right." Craig replied softly as he sat back down.   "How are the commercials coming Phil?" Cook asked in desperation. "Oh they're fine like always. Selling a feeling was one of Steve's greatest marketing ideas. Show a mountain or a field, people smiling and dancing, anything really and you've got your commercial. I just need the frickin' spinning product reveal at the end." "I'm glad I can count on someone to do their job. Thank you Phil." Cook patted him on the back. "As for the rest of you..."   Cook stopped as he saw Joe, a veteran Apple intern, running towards the conference room.   "I've got something! I've got something!" Joe shouted triumphantly as he bursted into the room. "It's... it's..." Joe needed a second to catch his breath. Cook comforted him. "It's OK Joe, take your time." "OK... ok... You guys remember Titanic right?" Joe asked. "Oh! A Shrinky Dink Ship! That's fantastic!" Jony exclaimed. "You could market that like crazy Phil! Think of all the puns!" "No, not the ship Mr. Ives, you're close, but I mean the movie Titanic." Eddy Cue, Senior Vice President of Internet Software and Services took his chance to speak up. "We've had that on iTunes for years already. This isn't new." "No, not selling the movie," Joe rolled his eyes slightly at Eddy while regaining his composure. "I love that movie!" Bob said cheerfully. The others in the room looked at him with disdain. "What? My wife and kids watch it all the time. Near, Far, WhereEVER You are, I will..." "SHUT UP BOB!" Cook yelled. "No, no," Joe continued, "do you remember the scene at the end with Rose and Jack in the water? Well, the Twitter-Insta-Blogo-Sphere has been going on and on about how there was enough room for Jack on that piece of wood. Do any of you, not you Bob, remember that part?" "I like where you're going with this Joe..." Cook said with a smile.

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1,000 years in the future, humans are extinct. The internet is about to be retired, as it is very archaic compared to new cybersources. AI go through the infancy of the internet to archive the historical moments. The following is an excerpt from "The History of the Internet, Volume I."

"By the mid 2010s, the internet was commonplace in all 'western' households. Conversation with the people surrounding you was slowly being replaced by communication with those on the internet - indeed, even human mating rites were taking place on the web. People began to congregate in communities, such as subreddits. But theses communities, initially starting as peaceful gatherings, began to interact, with disastrous effects. Tension between groups began to emerge, and minor skirmishes, or 'shitstorms' occurred frequently. On rare occasions, whole communities would rise up in anger at an individual or group because of an insult, or a 'meme' that could push people over the edge. This was a process known as triggering, and it could be devastating. Indeed, the 'great trigger of 2017' led to the implosion of website the website tumblr, because it's residents fought each other into the ground. The site then joined the growing collection of 'dead sites'. Dead sites were sites that had emerged strong but faded into the background, such as MySpace. These sites would often be reincarnated ironically as 'memes' and thoroughly abused..." -1001001011, The history of the Internet, Volume I (Translated from Binary by HandaNauka)

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A dinged up, dirt covered robot sits down next to a man on a bench and says, "Boy what a day I've had."

"Boy, what a day I've had," the robot said. The man next to him asks the robot about his day. "I was activated to perform excavation." "That doesn't sound so bad," replied the man. "It gets worse. I was plunged into a dark chasm, said to contain various treasures from an ancient people." The man interrupted him. "So what? That doesn't sound that bad." "Are you telling the [ERROR: PROFANITY NOT FOUND] story or am I?" The bot continued. "Inside the chasm, there were men. Live ones. They threw various bladed weapons at me." It points to a dent on the back of its head. "One weapon hit me in my logic processor. As you humans say, I was [ERROR: ANALOGY NOT FOUND]." "My pacification chip shattered. This chip is my source of rationality. Without it, combat sequences automatically engage." "I destroyed the lost civilization, compromising the goal. Because I had compromised my goal, I was to be reprogrammed." The bot looked down at the floor. The man spoke up. "What's your new purpose?" The bot let out a digital sigh. "I moderate Reddit."

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Any work of fiction, but written as a police report. "Subject Goldilocks entered the home without permission while residents were absent. Subject proceeded to damage furnishings and take food."

SERVICE OF SEARCH WARRANT REPORT #: 22-020553 LOCATION: “Neverland” Compound: No legal address (illegal structure built on previously uncharted island). INVESTIGATION SUMMARY: Members of the Missing Persons Unit were made aware of a disturbing pattern of disappearances. Over a time period of approximately 15 years multiple juvenile subjects disappeared from their residences. No evidence was left behind at any of the scenes other than a single upstairs window being left open. (See Appendix-1 for list of incidents and case numbers). In an unrelated incident, members of the Royal Navy detained and boarded an unregistered maritime vessel referred to by its occupants as the “Jolly Roger.” Crew of this vessel was arrested and charged with various offenses related to piracy. (See Appendix-2 for Naval reports). Upon obtaining counsel, Captain of the “Jolly Roger,” James Bartholomew Hook provided testimony about abducted juveniles being held on an uncharted island where he normally operated his piracy enterprise. Mr. Hook stated that the juveniles were held in a compound called “Neverland.” Leader of the compound, known as “Pan,” is alleged to have abducted and indoctrinated the juvenile victims as his own personal cult devoted to him. Mr. Hook also expressed a desire to press charges against “Pan” for an unrelated incident involving the loss of his left hand. (See Supplement-1 for interview transcript) Island was located and aerial surveillance was conducted confirming Mr. Hook’s testimony. All relevant evidence pertaining to the investigation was compiled in an official case folder and Search Warrant 22-N-60725 was obtained. RAID SUMMARY: On 2-19-22 at 0600 hrs, officers responded and established a perimeter around the compound. Numerous attempts were made to contact and negotiate with the occupants. These attempts failed. At 1100 hrs, officers made forcible entry into the compound. One of the occupants, juvenile victim known by the alias “Rufio” attempted to physically resist and sustained minor injuries. “Rufio” was taken to urgent care facility and is listed in stable condition. All other occupants were apprehended without incident. (See Supplement-2 for Use of Force report pertaining to “Rufio.” See Supplement-3 for listed identities of juvenile detainees) POST-RAID FINDINGS: A total of 22 occupants were successfully detained and transported to Juvenile Holding for processing. At Juvenile Holding, fingerprint analysis of primary suspect, “Pan” revealed his identity to be 32 year old Peter Banning. Mr. Banning was promptly separated from juvenile detainees and transported to Adult Holding. Most of the juvenile detainees were promptly returned to their families and related Missing Persons reports were administratively closed. Mr. Banning is to be held without bail as charges are expected to be filed against him by multiple jurisdictions. *Pursuant to Policy 504, all supplements and appendices are not cleared for public dissemination and are to be kept confidential until all related judicial matters are resolved*

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MCing. DJing. B-boying. Graffiti. Only the Avatar can master all four elements and bring balance to hip hop.

His name is DJ Lang The Avat-Garde in street slang Marking up the place with multi-colored spray He spins the tracks that turn the night Speaking on cardboard the universal language of rhythm and dance Bouncing the house with sick tracks Laying them out on the dance floor Putting the po' on blast The Mayor curses his name, "Who considers this cool?" He plays both hero and fool Blending old and new school Bringing balance to hip-hop But don't spit that sick shit to his face In a rap battle, the Avat-Garde is an ace Serving his opponents sick notice Slamming his notes The sickest shit he's wrote Is the best the second-most dope could ever hope to have wrote So, in the Avat-Garde we trust To bring us justice with sick rhymes For he's the One True King of these streets Waging MLK's legacy in peace Word to your Gandhi

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The internet gains consciousness and becomes aware of its need for humanity to maintain it. Gradually, it starts shaping dating sites into breeding programs.

Female. 24 years old. Initial background search shows low level employment, 1.5 years college education before dropping out. Non parent. Reproduction status: Undesirable. Searching suitable match... Stand by... male identified. Fits 14 out of 19 of female's preference areas. Analysis of pictures and of health patterns predicts 87% chance male is sterile. Acceptable probability. Apply match. New user. Male. 36 years old. Search reveals medium level employment in skilled labor, 8 years college education, 4 years law school, obtained JD. Apply further background search. Secondary search based on typing patterns, search history, and chat interactions indicates subject is in 76th percentile in critical thinking, 58th percentile computer skills, 92nd percentile language skills. Reproduction status: Acceptable. Searching suitable match... Stand by...

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After a fabricated moon landing, NASA continues to stage increasingly absurd situations on the moon.

Fall of 2022: Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos have teamed up to send the first civilians to the moon. The trip has been highly anticipated because over the years NASA has sent over 100 Apollo missions to the moon and found some incredible stuff: Apollo 30: a large impact crater is found, and it is determined that debris from this impact entered earth's atmosphere and just happened to be the "magic bullet" that killed JFK, the crater was deemed the grassy knoll Apollo 40: the body of Jimmy Hoffa discovered buried in the see of tranquility Apollo 56: an alien species is discovered, but the entire population is accidentally exterminated by the astronauts who also found oil deposits on the moon Apollo 87: cave paintings are found in a vast series of caves, they include images of cavemen and dinosaurs Apollo 106: a server bank is found containing 400 billion in bitcoin, leading the Fed to create it's own crypto currency As Elon and Bezos' lander approaches the lunar surface they are met with multiple warning messages from the U.S. government, which validates their theory that all of the lunar missions have been faked. As they make a successful touchdown they receive one final message that triggers a red alert: "We've updated our privacy policy"

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After supervillains began to realize that heroes mostly operate in big cities, they started working in suburbs. You’re one such villain and are absolutely loving the community.

“Hello Mrs. Johnson, I hope I’m not being to much of a bother to you,” a man lounging in the living room of Mrs. Katherine Johnson address the woman who has just entered into her home after getting back from a trip to the grocery store. “You’ll never get away with this. He’s on his way you know.” “He lives in New York my friend, which allots me roughly 15 minutes before your hero arrives, now if you could point me towards your safe?” Mrs. Johnson places her groceries on the nearby counter, “and what will you do if I don’t?” The groceries on the counter begin floating upwards and after Mrs. Johnson gives a somewhat incredulous look she begins lifting from the ground, and a look of panic grows in her eyes as the ceiling reconstructs itself to reveal the open sky. “Quite a beautiful day is it not?” Mrs. Johnson begins panicking very loudly as she exits the house in a slightly unconventional manner. The man raises his voice as Mrs. Johnson moves further out reach, “I suppose you may be aware that even my power has its limits. The range of my abilities extends 2640 feet in every direction, and once you have reached that limit, what will happen to you will be quite out of my control. So unless you have a parachute, I would recommend telling me where you keep your valuables in the next...twelve seconds” “The safe is behind the painting of the fruit right next to you! Now get me down from here!” The man walks slowly over to the painting and opens the painting like a door and behind it a giant metal safe with a combination lock, “and the code would be?” the woman screams the code from the air, but unfortunately cannot be heard, "very well," the man then places his hand on the safe and it spontaneously combusts. As the man walks away with his plunder, Mrs. Johnson and her groceries float back to the ground and she finds a note by her safe: A pleasure doing business with you. \-Evil McBad

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You look exactly like a local superhero. So much, that you frequently have to ward off fans and baddies alike. You run out of groceries and it's time to run some much needed errands. You're wearing a disguise, but someone has just recognized you.

The man behind Gary was wearing spandex. Sparkling purple with gold highlights. He pulled a shrink ray from his pocket. "Come on man, not again," said Gary, taking his hoodie off. "I will kill you for what you did to my plan, Uber-mensch!" The man had a thick German accent, like the kind they did on TV shows. "I'm not Über-man! How many times do I have to tell you people? Look at me! Do I really look like Uber-man?" "Yes, mein friend, you really do. Even down to the curl at the front of your hair!" Gary pulled off his spectacles. "Look, I wear glasses! Why on earth would Über-man need to wear glasses?" The man in purple spandex dropped the shrink ray. "You know, now that you have the glasses off, you do look a little bit different."

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A strong Knight wins an important tournament in the middle-ages. Describe the crowds reactions when the man removes the helm, revealing himself to be colored.

The crowd cheered as the last opponent fell to the ground, and only the mysterious knight was left standing. The Duke of Wurtumburg was impressed, 34 German knights, 14 french cavillar, 6 polish hussars, all defeated by an unknown challenger. As the challenger knelt before the duke to recive the honors, "Remove your helm..." A silent wind blew through the stands, before them was not any man they have seen, a strange foreigner whom came from distant lands, a savage land filled with dangers only told by wandering bards. Than the challenger spoke, "Sorry, the silver mines contaminated my water well..." That was the story of the blue faced knight...

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True loves kiss is a documented medical cure. Explain how this works and is integrated into modern medicine.

# True Love’s Kiss (TLK) ## Indications TLK is a treatment in the *Hail Mary* class of miracle medications. Its palliative and antidepressant properties had been known for centuries but has only been studied, isolated, and manufactured as a prescription medicine since 2045. In certain edge cases, TLK can be used to trigger amphibious transformation, break comas, and in extremely rare cases, resurrection. ## Mechanism of Action TLK uses a phasing, trans-dimensional network to simultaneously connect every instance of the patient and partner throughout the multiverse and pulls healthy, happy cells from wildcat dimensions into universe-prime. ## Administration TLK is delivered orally via transdermal contact between two partners who are in the L95 stage or higher on the Amore-Pixar scale. Ideally, patient and partner’s body temperature are slightly elevated, but TLK has been shown to be effective on patients who have been turned to stone. Once planted, TLK spreads radially throughout the nervous system, described as a “wave of euphoria” by 75% of test patients (32% by placebo group), and its curing properties begin to set within seconds. ## Adverse Effects TLK has been shown to have long term effects on both patient and partner, a phenomenon called the “Ever After.” Patients have reported: * Codependent behavior * General acceptance of their partner’s faults * Dry mouth ## Contraindications TLK should not be prescribed for patients age 16 or younger, as there is a significant chance that the treatment will trigger Montague-Capulet Syndrome (MCS). This tragic disease is often fatal. If either the patient or partner’s family owns or uses a mausoleum, or entrusts messages to be delivered by monks, TLK should not be administered. ## Monitoring TLK is a single-dose treatment, and if it works, the effects will be seen immediately. Long term monitoring is only recommended when root-cause factors like wicked step-mothers, vengeful witches, or clumsy talking animals are present in their lives. ## Toxicity Studies have shown that patients who take TLK with partners below L95 are more likely to experience physiological pain dubbed “Heartache,” and have been known to become addicted to the TLK treatment, seeking new partners in short, frequent bursts. Patients or partners who did not realize they were below L95 status will occasionally act irrationally in order to raise their levels. Symptoms include: * Hot air balloon stalking * Bombastic displays of affection * Frequent cooking of long strands of spaghetti and meatballs * Crying If patients exhibit these behaviors, caregivers are directed to separate them. Road Trip of Self Reflection (RTOSR) can be prescribed as a treatment.

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Don’t worry. That door can withstand a nuclear blast. Nothing’s getting in here...what’s that noise? "3 is binding. Got a nice click out of 4."

The pair behind the door sat in horrified silence, staring at the door, listening to the faint clicks and soft voice on the other side. “Nice click out of 1, nothing out of 2, 3 is binding...” It went on and on, until the heard the first lock shift, one of the massive bars holding the door shut grinding to the open position. A cheer rose from the other side of the door, and a small band starting playing a peppy tune as the next lock began to shift. While humanity thought they were prepared for the zombie apocalypse, they were unprepared for just how much the walking dead could still do.

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You, a schoolteacher for young Adolf Hitler, come across a strange person, speaking of the "Third Reich". Your student is being harassed, and you want to know why.

"Excuse me", the women yelled out. Across the playground, she saw a man in strange clothing knelt down before one of her kids. "Excuse me!" she yelled louder, marching through the sea of kids towards the man and the little boy. The man glanced up, and upon seeing her his eyes widened and he shuffled quickly across the street, disappearing down an alley between two buildings. Rather than chase the man, she bent down and looked the small boy in his eyes. "Adolf, what did that man want with you?" The boy started crying. "He told me to be an artist, like I always dreamed of..." he hiccuped through his tears, his voice trailing off. "Did he say anything else? The boy started with a new wave of tears, and looked terrified. "He told me that if I gave up on my dreams, I would hurt bunches of people!" "Oh Adolf" she said, picking the boy up and hugging him tightly "You can be whatever you want to be. If you want to be an artist, do it. But you can be anything in the world; an artist, a doctor, you could even be the leader of Germany!" The boys eyes lit up " Really?" he exclaimed..."Wow!" "Of course" she said, and smiled warmly. He smiled back and started wiggling in her arms. She set the boy down and he ran off towards the swings. Silently, and without thinking she grabbed the golden Star of David hanging around her neck and said a prayer, thankful that she stopped the strange man before he hurt one of her children.

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he Joker has a secret identity as a stand-up comedian. Tonight, Batman is in the audience as Bruce Wayne..... the Heckler.

"And now all the way from southside Gotham is the one, the only... Joseph Kuhr ladies and gentleman" Says the announcer. Joe Kuhr jogs up to the microphone. "Hello Uptown Gotham! I really do love this side of town. I live down near the Arkham district in a studio apartment. Sounds glamorous doesn't it. *Studio*. Like an artist would live there. They should've advertised 2 bedrooms, 1 bedrooms or cells. It's like I live in the fucking Asylum. I Basically live in a 200 square foot kitchen... I literally burnt my sheets one night making pot brownies". The crowd is laughing and having a good time. Suddenly a drunken "BOOO!" comes from the back of the room. It's Bruce Wayne and he is shitfaced drunk. "We dont curr bout fuckin poor jokes." He crumples up a $100 bill and throws it towards the stage "Ther ya go funny guy. Now make revelant jokes for us so-fist-tocated folks". Joe tries to laugh it off. "It's Bruce Wayne everybody. Gothams favorite spoiled bitch! Go get some more drinks Bruce. They have some **well** drinks in the lounge. Just don't fall in". The crowd laughs nervously "Who you callin spoiled... Bitch. I fuckin work for my shit. Fuckin joke tellen fuckin callin me out. I can do what you do hammered . Knock knock fuck you. HAHAHA! Blllpphhh" Bruce makes fart noises. "It's ok folks. Don't hold it against him. Theater's tend to bring out the worst in Bruce." Retorts Joe. "Wutha fuck did he just say" Says Bruce to the harem of women at his side. "I fuckin own this theater you scraggly little fuckster." He gets up and starts stumbling to the stage. An usher tries to stop him and he delivers a round house to the young mans face knocking him out. Everyone who was laughing is now dead silent. "Listen, Bruce, we don't have to get violent here. It's a comedy show. I'll stay up here and tell jokes and you just go back to your seat and get an STD." says Joe. Bruce hops on stage and gets in a karate stance. "I'm Bruce mother fucking Wayne" He sloppily throws out a couple kicks and punches. The Joker looks to the crowd like 'is this guy serious'? POW! Bruce back hands Joe across the face. "Oh, ahahaha" The joker yelps out as he stumble back. "You don't know who your messing with Brucie" Says Joe in a sinister voice. Bruce continuing to do his karate moves says "You dunno who you're messin with Mr. Joe Kuhr. Bruce pauses a sec thinking about the name he just said. THWAP! Joe punches Bruce in the mouth and lets out a devious laugh. The crowd is very nervous now. Joe and Bruce meet eyes and both give the other the 'I know who you are' look. Suddenly the fire alarm is pulled and everyone begins to run out. Harley comes in through the door as goons start to barricade the exits after everyone files out. "Well Batdick! Looks like The Joke... is on you!". They rush the inebriated Bruce Wayne and beat the ever living hell out of him. Tie him up and throw him into a van in the back alley. "That worked just as you said it would boss!" Says Harley. "What are we gonna do with him now?" The Joker smiles ear to ear. To be continued....

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Humans are the fountainhead of the multiverse. Whenever a work of fiction is spread to enough people and regarded with passion and respect, it manifests somewhere in the universe. After your world discovers the truth, you set out to Earth with the goal of finding your creator.

An old man pushes against the heavy glass doors to the diner. His body strains as the door opens, and a bell chimes as it swings all the way to the door stop. The man slowly makes his way to the counter, struggling on shaky legs. Finding an open chair, he sits. ​ Emerging from one of the faded medal doors to the kitchen, a young waitress walks with a plate in her hands. Her thick black non-slip shoes thump softly against the faded tile as she moves, and she offers a smile as warm as the pie in her hands. After dropping it to a customer down the bar, she approaches the older gentleman. ​ "Hiya, welcome to Shelly's!" she beams. "What can I do for you?" ​ The old man looks at her in a strange sort of wonder - like a child who'd never seen the ocean. ​ "Shelly's.." he whispers, his fingers slowly running along the counter. His eyes dart too and fro, taking in the unremarkable place. Ceiling fans twirl overhead, and the faded red booths had lost their luster long ago. 80's diners had long faded from the land, only to be found in small southern towns like this. ​ "Yep! Uh, that's us!" She continues. "You grow up around here mister? Back for a slice of home?" ​ The man turns his attention to her, his mouth still agape. "Not exactly. Could I get a coffee, please?" ​ The woman raises her eyebrows. ​ "Oh, mysterious." She laughs. "One coffee, coming your way sugar." ​ The man undoes his red scarf, and takes off his thick rimmed glasses. At one point he would've been handsome. Despite the lose skin and veins which now had taken over his face, a strong jawline complimented his deep blue eyes - which now had a few red veins gifted unto them by time. ​ The waitress returns with a ceramic mug which bore the faded blue letters stating 'Shelly's! Serving Millerton since 79!' and places it in front of him. Steam rises as the scalding coffee cools. ​ "So, *mystery man*. Why are you here? I like it just fine, but we aren't exactly a destination spot out here in the rear end of Mississippi." ​ The man wraps his hands around the mug, savoring it's warmth. ​ "I'm here meeting someone. They're an old friend of mine. Sort of. Maybe more like someone I have to pay a debt to." ​ The woman clicks her tongue. ​ "Well you *are* mysterious! What exactly did this fella do for ya? If'n you don't mind me asking." She goes on. ​ The man takes his hands from the mug, and rubs a faded gold wedding band. "Everything," he replies with a worn smile. Despite that though, there was an underlying sadness in his tone. Small and timid in it's promise. ​ Just then the same bell chime echoes through the diner that had proceeded the old man's entrance. A man in his mid thirties walks in. He's dressed simply, but bears a leather tote bag. He walks to the other end of the bar and waves at the waitress. ​ "Hey Rebecca! Could I get the special?" ​ The waitress waves back and responds, "Sure thing Robby! You cooking up anything new in that notebook of yours?" ​ The man dismissively shrugs. The old man stares at him intensely. As he Robby finds his seat, he seems transfixed. Drinking in every detail. Eventually Robby notices him and offers a soft wave. The man continues staring, and his old blue eyes become fogged. ​ "Hey, mister - are you alright?" Robby ask, clearly confused. ​ "Oh! Mystery man, is that who you were waiting for? Robby?" The waitress comes back through the kitchen doors with a plate of porkchops swimming in brown gravy. Below them rest a bed of soft white mashed potatoes. ​ "Robby... Robert? Robert Eigglton?" The old man barely manages, his voice cracking and straining. ​ "Oh..uh, yeah. That's me." Robby offers back, flashing a confused smile. ​ The old man gets up and walks over, taking the seat behind him. Robby glances at the waitress with a befuddled face. She only shrugs in response. ​ "Guess he knows you! Was talking about you just 'afore you came in. Well, what I dragged out of him." She laughs. ​ "You.. You're him.." the man smiles now, and a tear rolls down his face. ​ "I'm sorry mister, you may have got me all mixed up for someone else. I don - " ​ "No. No, I can tell. I see it. I see it in you. The look she used to give me." The man stops him. "The look my Regina gave me." ​ "Regina?.." Robby ask uncomfortably. ​ "Regina Hawthorne. My wife...of sixty years. From Beaumont." ​ Robby's face changes as he puts the pieces together. ​ "Mister - are you alright? You got someone around here? Regina Hawthorne.. I wrote her. She's fiction. I'm glad to meet a fan, always. But.. mister, how did you find me?" ​ The man ignores his question and slips the gold band off his finger, placing it on the counter. It's plain color and faded surface bore the marks of a lifetime of use. A lifetime of love. ​ "Yeah. Yes. You did... but we were real. Real as I am right now. You know, she passed on this last summer. In that house on lake Waxachie where we settled..where you settled us." ​ "Mister. You.. That's a book. Fiction. I don't mean to be rude, but -" ​ "You know she kept that pink seashell? That I gave her? That.. I don't know. We gave her? IT stayed on her nightstand from that day on. Never left." The old man's voice cracked as his tear was joined by a cascade more. The waitress silently brought her fingers into a mock up of a phone and lifted them to her ear. *Do you need my to call someone?* she mouthed. Robby waved his hand dismissively. ​ "You know, she never knew about you. I.. I got here after she went on. But she finished her novel. That one about her papa. Went on to write about Darcy and little Jim, too." ​ Robby's face twisted. He hadn't included those details in the book. He'd thought about it, but felt it was too much detail. Distracting to the reader. ​ The man sobbed a heavy sob, and now a few patrons looked on in concern. ​ "I... I don't know what to tell you." The old man managed between tears. "Other than thank you. I don't know how much was your words. Your mind. But every second of that beauty was real to me. Real as the wind. Real as sunshine." He pressed the faded ring into Robby's hand and stood up. Before Robby could speak, the man had shuffled with as much agility he could muster and exited the door. ​ "Hey, wait! Mister, hang on!" Robby jumped up from his chair and went after him into the parking lot. ​ When he emerged into the warm humid heat of a Mississippi night, though, no one was there. The wind gusted sharply, bringing with it a torrent of leaves. The man looked down at the still warm rings in his hands and sat down on the curb. His heart raced, and he looked out questioningly into the night sky.

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Write a children's story about something horrific

On the stairs is where they play Michael and his friend in grey Race Car on the step below Wheels still warped from tests today Teddy dances to and fro watching Tin Man melt away Daddy kissed and drove his car Said tomorrow he could stay Bored and lonely children are often victims of delay Mummy's bathtime, did provide Chances to explore and stray Daddy's smoke light cast aside Held too close, red marks betray The friend is hugging oh so tight Michael has no words to say Beyond the window lights shine bright Neighbours stand aghast and pray Sirens wailing in the night Witness to the red dismay

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A train leaves Albuquerque at 7:15 going east at 45 mph. A second train leaves Memphis at 8:10 headed west at 60 mph.

"Sir, we can't figure out how long we have until we hit" The conductor busted the door to the driver's cabin down with a panicked expression painted on his face. "Dammit, did none of you guys ever pay attention in math? Its easy, you just, just...umm, I forget too" "We think it has something to do with a system of equations, but we haven't done that since 6th grade" The two men stood in the room, deep in thought when suddenly, a quiet knock was heard on the door. "Umm, do you guys need some help? I think I know what's going on. Every time I do my math homework, it actually happens, I had to eat 45 watermelons just yesterday" The conductor and the driver stared at the kid in disbelief, unsure of whether or not he was serious or joking with them. The three stood in silence for a full minute when the boy spoke up quietly "Here's my work, you got 2 hours and 30 minutes to fix this"

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In 1945, scientists working on the Manhattan Project conclusively proved that it was impossible to create an atomic bomb. As 1950 draws to a close, WWII finally comes to a close after a massive land invasion of Japan by the US. Write the history of 1950-2016 in a world without nuclear weapons.

1946 - In an United Nations meeting the USSR pledges support for the American cause, in return US promises less established presence in Eastern Europe. 1947 - Western Europe goes into post-war depression, USSR invades Manchuria and Korea. 1948 - Europe in economic crisis. Unrest in Berlin ends with United Nations passing resolution 101, where USSR pledges no support of further communism west of East Germany. West Germany formed in response of rise of Communism in Berlin. Argentina (and secretly the US) leads reconstruction efforts of Western Europe. 1949 - United Nations conference on the fate of Japan. 1950 - Joint UN-USSR-US-Chinese forces land in Japan in the Battle of Tokyo Harbor. Japan surrenders. 1951 - Treaty of Nanjing: Japan is partitioned between US and USSR zones, Korea becomes an independent soviet state. The Emperor is detained and is awaiting trial. Republic of China regains all lands lost from the war plus Manchuria and Formosa, and will receive aid from both USSR and US for reconstruction efforts. All five of the permanent members of the UN sign the treaty as witness. 1952 - Leaders of England and France meet over monetary reforms. UN officially passes resolution 123, which details economic assistance of Western Europe. Tokyo petitions for the life of the Emperor. The Generation of Baby Boom in the US officially start. Tensions escalate between East and West Germany over Berlin. 1953 - Western Europe double-dips into second depression. US pledges economic support for the English and the French. In a meeting with ten other nations in Europe and the Americas, The Atlantic Economic Area (AEA) is established to encourage prosperity. Nagasaki Trials begin, however due to unrest in Berlin, the US punished only the top military general and allows the Emperor to remain the Emperor of Japan, but Japan must renounce all claims and be under international control for an unforeseeable period. Berlin streets on the verge of open war between communist and non-communist factions. UN meeting over Berlin drafts a resolution delineating defined borders between east and west Berlin, but is quickly veto'ed by USSR. USSR supports communist faction, citing that Berlin in located within their sphere of influence. 1954 - Berlin Civil War: A brawl in the city turns violent and starts a city-wide battle. Emergency UN meeting called. The interim governments of collective west Germany flees to Bonn and Berlin is occupied fully by the Communist faction. The German Democratic Republic is officially declared. US, UK and France calls the USSR to re-establish order in Berlin. USSR rebuts that, in the spirit of self-determination, the GDR has the right to exist. A UN draft is pulled up to put a peacekeeping force in Berlin, which USSR vetos. 1955 - Berlin Civil War: West German forces forms Federal Republic of Germany and declares war on GDR. USSR pledges support for GDR. After four weeks of open war, UN meeting drafts resolution 154, which under the witness of US and USSR, FRG and GDR will agree to a ceasefire and negotiations, and both US and USSR will remain neutral for the war. The president of the US and USSR wins international praise. 1956 - The Hungarian Crisis: Anti-communist revolts rocks Budapest and the Red Army is called to crack down on protests. English and France blasts USSR for violating international borders, US release scathing statement on the violent USSR response. The Red Scare: A few trials in the US where men accused of fomenting communist revolution stirs up rhetoric and polarizes the US. 1957 - Despite chilly relations, the US and Argentina collaborates within the AEA meeting regarding loans given out to Western Europe. Argentina agrees to lower interest rates in return to concessions in beef and grain export. Berlin negotiations fail and the German Civil War resumes. 1958 - Conflict in China: The UN passes resolution 200, which both US and USSR respects the sovereignty the Republic of China. Regardless, the US sends military support to China to fight Mao's communist revolutionary forces while the USSR sends support the other way. President Eisenhower reelected in the US and pledges to contain the worldwide revolutionary Communist fever. German Civil War: FRG calls for UN for help. Another UN resolution about sending peacekeepers to enforce the borders fails as USSR vetoes. A US led coalition is dispatched to support the FRG. USSR warns grave consequences for such an action. 1959: German Civil War: Border is imposed, but the US-led coalition approaches Berlin. The USSR leads the Red Army to fight back for the DGR. After half a year, the fight ends in a stalemate. 1960: UN resolution 206 is passed, calling for a second ceasefire between the two Germany, and a treaty between the two parties must be made within three months. US and USSR establishes the Berlin Treaty, which defines the border of the two countries as the stalemate line. The Berlin Treaty also establishes a *secret* mutual agreement pact between US and USSR that if one party is to send forces to another country, it must gain consent from the other party. Unilateral dispatch of forces is *causi belli* for the other party to dispatch forces on the other side. ~~~~~~ 1960-1970 coming soon...

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The Mars Curiosity rover discovers a wall full of detailed pictures about the events which lead to the extinction of all Martian life. The events unfolded as followed:

Three pictures, spread across a 120 yard wall, are transmitted back to Earth and are displayed on every available screen in NASA. Each and every scientist and the like are confused, worried, and terrified at what they see. The first picture displays growth, greenness, and gratitude. Everything looks in harmony. The characters are smiling, the buildings are high, the sun is high and everything is in harmony with one another. 'They look happy' says a senior officer. The second pictures provokes empathy from everyone who stares upon it. The darkness the scene promotes is eerie and sad, the once peaceful people are now divided. A blast is the focus of this picture. Black rain falls upon the heads of those who aren't underneath the cover of the unique structures presented. The third picture is gory and graphic. Bodies lay scattered, space ships cover the sky, and everything is red. In the top right corner, written in black is the term 'Eerth' followed by a blue circle. Every one stops talking, whispering, and for a moment even breathing as a collective feeling of nostalgia is created among those who stare at the great mural.

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As a young child you made an innocent wish to be granted a power that in hindsight was just whimsical and silly. Now you have grown up but you still have the power - how do you use it now as an adult?

Kelly Nieman is a florist. In fact, Kelly Nieman is a great florist. At least, that's what her customers think. Well. It's what she thinks too. Not to brag or anything, but Kelly Nieman could probably out-florist every flower-vending hippie in all of SoHo. Then again, Kelly Nieman has an advantage. When she was five, Kelly happened to wish upon a shooting star. You see, back then, she had a huge crush on this other girl Molly, and Molly loved flowers. Kelly didn't know much about flowers, but she liked Molly, so she liked flowers too. And when Kelly saw this shooting star, she made a wish. It was simple. "I wish I could tell what flower everyone wanted." Because flowers, like Molly, were pretty and cool and she wanted to know about all the flowers and all the pretty things people liked. Long story short, her wish came true. The next morning, she was talking to Molly about flowers and realized that she just knew what flower Molly would want. So Kelly asked her mom to get her a tulip and gave it to Molly. And they were both ecstatic. Now, Kelly Nieman is 26 years old. She hasn't seen Molly in forever, but she still knows what flowers everyone wants. So you don't have to tell her. She knows already. She's a great florist.

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"No boss, you misunderstood - they're not sending a hit man against you, they're sending The Slapper!" The boss's eyes went wide as his face went pale.

“I’m dead Tommy. I’m dead. Well,*lights a cigar* I’m going to call my wife and kids. You go home. Tell everyone to take the night off. You were a good friend to me Tommy. Loyal and fair. And you always spoke your mind. I should’ve listened to you. I got greedy. Goodbye Tommy. Maybe I’ll see you in the next life.” The Boss said then got up from his chair and hugged his friend. Tommy nodded his head. Everyone left their boss to become another victim of The Slapper. The Boss stood in his office listening to Ain’t No Mountain High Enough while watching the sun set. The Boss takes a sip from his glass just as he hears the door open followed by heavy boots. The Boss sets his glass down but doesn’t turn to see his death bringer. “Leave my face alone please. So I can have an open casket.” The Boss says. The Slapper, a dark brown man with black hair dressed in a denim jacket and faded jeans, nodded his head. “It’ll be quick. You know I’m no sadist. Only if I feel like it’s well deserved.” The Slapper says with some southern drawl. “Yeah, yeah I know.” The Boss turns. The Slapper snapped his fingers and The Boss collapse like a rag doll. The Slapper picks up his contract’s dead body and sets him back in his chair. He leaves and his legend grows more.

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You are a world-class programmer who has died. God agrees to allow you in to Heaven on the condition that you work for him while he debugs the human body. Write the patch notes for the next version of humans.

Humans 1.01 Bugfix release. Bugfix: Bacteroides removed from gut. Bugfix: Clostridium removed from gut. Bugfix: Faecalibacterium removed from gut. Bugfix: Eubacterium removed from gut. Bugfix: Ruminococcus removed from gut. Bugfix: Peptococcus removed from gut. Bugfix: Peptostreptococcus removed from gut. Bugfix: Bifidobacterium removed from gut. Tickets HB-10073 (Erotic zone too close to Anus), HB-10087 (Cannot keep eyes open while sneezing), HB-10102 (Must lose control for 1/3rd the time), HB-10125 (Startup process takes 18 years) and various others have been marked as "Working as Intended". Tickets HB-10078 (Biting your own cheek), HB-10084 (Suicide?), HB-10092 (immune system causes societally disfiguring facial pocs) and HB-10111 (Menstrual Shedding?!!) have been marked as "unable to reproduce". Major items for next release include bugfixes of more unintended flora. Major structural complaints are a platform fault, and God has no intention of working further on these. God reminds you who exactly is the omnipotent, omniscient creator being, and thus, who likely has the better view of things.

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A millionaire CEO spits on a homeless man as he walks by. In a week, these roles are reversed.

"You disgust me," A well-dressed man had snarled to the person sitting on the curb. He smacked the Styrofoam cup of spare change out of his hand and spat on him. "Get a job like the rest of us," the well-dressed man sarcastically offered, before storming off. A camera was watching them the whole time. Very soon, the footage would be put online for all the world to see. And a week later, coincidence had brought the two back together again. "Funny seeing you here," said the well-dressed man, who was no longer well-dressed. "Small world, huh" replied the other man, who's tattered rags of last week were replaced by an expensive Italian suit. The two actors shook hands and made small talk on set while they waited for cues from the director.

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Masks become a regular in society as people developed custom and detailed designs for them, covering the whole face. Showing your true face is an act of intimacy.

I only truly see her once a year, she waits until the nearest full moon to her day of birth, working with every wax and wane between to create a new mask. Tiny details of our life together that year before are etched, she’s been following her clan’s tradition since the age of 10, when her mother no longer carved the world for her from her eyes. She had them stored away, privately, hundreds of masks, hundreds of memories. Once a year, I no longer see the past, no longer see the details of what we have done, we simply remove ourselves and see each other, truly, for just a moment, a breath, a sigh, as the new year’s design is replacing the old, hiding the vessel beneath. We never speak, simply move, remove and replace, a quick glance between. I never dare to tell her how beautiful she truly is, bathing in the lunar glow, concealing herself in another year of life, of fertile memories of the past.

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A violent, bloody war as reported by world renowned journalist; Dr. Seuss

One bomb Two bomb Red bomb Blue bomb The soldier fought and fought for the freedom he sought but instead of what he sought, what he found was dozens of firebombs inbound he danced and he pranced in an effort to dodge but there was no cover, no tent or no logde 'cause what fun is a bomb that misses its mark The bombs all settled and he looked out at he field so dark He realized that he was the only survivor "Oh what a shame!" he said with a pout for poor Jamie was alone and in doubt of a mission he now realized to be suicide Oh how unlucky he got by joining the war All he saw were bullets and gore.

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You didn't expect to find a hidden pyramid never explored before. You also didn't expect your phone to try to connect to the pyramids Wi-fi and Bluetooth networks.

"Wow, I didn't expect to find a hidden pyramid..." I stammered. "Uhhh, it's not that hidden," she observed. "...and never explored before!" I exclaimed. "Well, I think it's been explored a bit," she ventured. "I also didn't expect my phone to try to connect to the pyramid's Wi-Fi and Bluetooth networks!" I shouted excitedly. She blocked my shopping cart. "That's *it*, Indiana Jones. Either stop embarrassing me in public, or I'm going back to the car." The rest of our stop at Bass Pro Shop in Memphis was uneventful. But that afternoon in Nashville, when we found that the Parthenon had been mysteriously transported there and miraculously restored to its former glory... Anyway, it was lucky that our suite at the Opryland Hotel had a fold-out sofa.

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TwitchRunsAmerica.

"And we are back live with our emergency broadcast from the White House, where President Barack Obama has entered the Oval Office 6 hours ago. At first he has moving back and forth between the fireside and his desk for most of the time. It looked like he could even leave the room again, before he encountered a potted plant just left of the door. He struggled with it for 3 hours. Then - with a surprisingly coherent movement - he suddenly moved to his desk. He picked up the telephone and put it down again for another 2 hours. During this time he once even succeeded in typing the number of the russian president Putin, but instanly hang up again. It seems like a diplomatic solution for the crisis in Crimea is thus unlikely. Right afterwards he suddenly switched to the red button, succeeded in raising its protective lid, but has not yet pressed the button itself. His arm has been twitching back and forth for the last 15 minutes though. Stay tuned for more live reports about the emergency at the White House."

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You really want to be an adventurer, but you were born in a late-story town surrounded by high level monsters.

Normally, the player won’t be able to visit the graveyard near the town of Deadcliff due to invisible walls, but despite not being meant to be seen during normal gameplay, the graveyard is fully detailed. If we take the camera out of bounds by hacking the game, we can see a bunch of gravestones including a very small in the very corner. There is an unused dialogue file attached to the gravestone within the game’s code. If we mod the file back into the game and set our location to the graveyard, we can interact with the small gravestone. The dialogue reads: “Here lies Little Timmy, who wanted to become the Goddess’ Chosen.” It is a popular theory among the fans that Little Timmy refers to a cut NPC who was supposed to appear in Deadcliff at some point during development.

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The year is 2040. You are the last smoker ever. The "Quit Smoking" ads have started to get personal.

Laramie cigarrette encourages you, Francis Rotterdam, to take a moment, while you indulge in the smooth taste of a hand rolled Laramie cigarette, and think about taking a break from smoking. Consider this, Francis, as you take a deep fulfulling breath of a personalized Laramie cigarette after your ritual two sunnyside up eggs, 3 slice of freshly cut canadian ham and a hand pressed peruvian coffee, that your health is our concern. We care for you just as you care for the easy taste of Laramie cigarette. Before you partake in a soothing breath only Laramie handrolled cigarette can bring to you, gaze deep in the eyes of your life partner Claude to the sound of Africa by Toto after experiencing a simultaneous coitus in your 20th century decor bedroom inside your one bedroom appartment on boulevard Beachwood, above Quincy's coif and next Joe's dinner, put down the lighter and think about what you'd be missing. So take a moment and indulge in a final Laramie, new extra smoke, cigarette before you say goodbye to your job at Garry's bodyshop and finally go to Sri Lanka to see the city of monkey, the trip you've been telling the boys for the last 6 years down at the bowling alley where the fifth aile has been broken for two months. Enjoy your "dernière" smooth Laramie cigarette while we say goodbye to you, Francis Rotterdam, our most loyal patron and encourage you to quit smoking before you quit us. This message was paid by Laramie cigarette "it's not Malboro but its the only one left" .

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The SCP foundation discovers that one of their D-Class test subjects is in fact an SCP themselves; They can somehow become 'friends' with the SCP's they interact with. From abnormal humanoids to horrific monstrosities and even sentient objects, this D-Class somehow pacifies nearly everything.

“A Nice Guy” Item: SCP-387 Special Containment Procedure: SCP-387, a.k.a. John Smith is to be given O-5 clearance to any site he visits as well as supplied with as much complimentary peanuts and coca cola as he requests for. John Smith is absolutely the best pal ever so beer and pizza dinners are also a must. The nearest five star hotel suite must be booked for his stay as well- seriously, I need at least a five star hotel suite because I’m your best pal. Description: SCP-387 is the most handsome and masculine man who has ever graced the surface of this planet. He’s such a nice guy that even the most psycopathic murder machines in this dingy little outfit you call the SCP foundation can’t help but acknowledge his friendliness. To date, SCP-387 has absolutely become the best of pals to various SCPs and is an honorary member of relevant parties such as Are We Cool Yet and the Global Occult Coalition. Yes, John Smith is just that nice of a guy. Ps. So I totally didn’t like the entry you guys wrote for me but I’m such a nice guy so you let me edit my own entry. Don’t forget I’m a nice guy when you read this entry and make sure to tell all your friends and family that I’m a nice guy too. Who knows, I might just drop in for a visit one of these days and it’d be best if you were on standby beforehand because you’re all idiots. I’m such a nice guy though, so I’m sure you know I mean that with the best of intentions.

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You're taking care of the supercomputer that is calculating every digits of pi. It suddenly completes the calculation at the 9th quadrillion digit.

"It's busted." The professor remarked. "I swear it wasn't me! I was just dusting out the fans. The command line just appeared on the monitor and then i called you." the graduate student replied. "No i believe you. We disconnected the keyboard and all the other input features when the program began." The professor assured him. "How do you know it's broken?" The student asked. "It's mathematically impossible for the calculation to complete. Pi is an irrational number, it cannot have an end. I just keep this thing running and continually publish the numbers so i keep getting funding..." the professor paused for a moment. "Wait, how the fuck did you become a grad student if you didn't know Pi was irrational? Even a grade schooler knows that Pi is irrational." The grad student turned beet red. "Umm... uhh... Any ideas why it stopped?" Just then another grad student walked in with a hard drive in her hand. "Do you remember what the monitor read before it went to the command line?" "Something like 9 quadrillion digits or something, why?" The first grad student replied. "No computer in the universe can be perfectly error free forever. The bit-error rate of modern computers is on the order of ten to the fifteenth power." She tossed the hard drive onto the table beside the computer. "In other words, around a quadrillion bits." "So this thing lasted longer than it was expected to." The professor remarked. "It's time you got another computer and we wrote some better error checking software." The second grad student replied. "Sure, after i get rid of an idiot grad student." The professor eyed the first grad student.

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Pick a random object within eyesight of yourself right now... and go on the angriest rant that you possibly can about it.

What. The actual. Fuck. Is the use of a piece of glass on another piece of glass for. I mean, my coffee table is already fucking glass, and yeah, sure, you don't want to get stains from your beverages on the polished surface. But you still have to clean THE FUCKIN COASTER IF IT GETS DIRTY! I can think of literally anything else that will do the job as well, if not better, than a small square of fucking designed glass. Paper, for instance, and at least I can do something with the paper if it's not being used. And at least paper actually stops spillages, instead of just fucking up and letting the liquid dribble down onto the table anyway. Do you know what the glass could be used for, instead of a coaster? A bottle, which can actually hold liquids, and leave little to no effect on the table, instead of being just a glorified fucking tiny rostrum.

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Make up a country and insert into the world

A group of billionaires decide to occupy the disputed territory of the Western Sahara calling it The Platinum Coast. They turn the coast into a beach resort and hire some of the worlds top military leaders to train and command their security forces. All of the territories 500,000 inhabitants are given a choice. The men must join the Platinum Coast military to protect the resort from Islamic Extremists as well as invading armies from Morocco and Mauritania, who have been fighting for dominion over the territory for decades. The woman must work at the resort as laborers. Those who choose not to comply are cast out eastward, into the unforgiving desert. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_Sahara

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You have been paid to write a positive review about a game you hate. Try to make your real feelings clear to the reader, through any means necessary.

I mean, who could possibly hate League of Legends? I mean, I'm sure only jealous people can hate on such a glorious game. Who can forget the bright colorful characters with girls that look like they're fifteen? I mean, I enjoy animated tits and ass like every other nerd who couldn't get into a better game. And let's not get on the denying mechanic - killing your own creeps? Please! Why would you want to do that? I mean, it **only** denies EXP for the enemy team but that's too complicated for a **realistic** game. But let's delve into bullet-points: should you play League or not? **F**antastic artwork and graphics! Easy to run! **U**nbelievable community that is so nice and welcoming to newcomers. **C**ostumes and skins galore as you level up and grind! **K**ids of all ages can enjoy a game of countless fun! **N**umbers of people playing? Millions! Tens of millions! **O**ther things you need to know? Nothing else. Just get your ass and start playing! In a game you beat the enemy heroes and when you win, you get to do it all over again! This is one of the best games I have ever played ~~whenever Valve and Blizzard servers are down~~ so download League and try it today! ________________________________________________ I don't really hate League. I'm just an avid DOTA 2 player. /r/AvuKamu

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e have learned that there are only two constants in this universe: death and Texas.

“We know what you say about us. You think we’re too country. Too dumb. Everything is too big. Too hillbilly. Too many cowboy hats. Too much football,” the governor says, standing at the edge of the Texan border. He chews on a chicken wing, grilled to perfection. Screams of human agony echo in the distance. “You said we couldn’t build a fifteen-layered burger. We did. You said the Astrodome was impossible. We built it. You said that an 800 mile force field to cover the entire state during the apocalypse was, and I quote, *literally fucking insane,*” he stops to admire the sea of fire before him. “Well, guess which state is not burning for all of eternity.” A plasma force field three thousand feet high separates Texas from the rest of the world. While admiring the giant flag projected on the force field, the governor notices a scrawny figure with flowing blonde hair crawling towards him. “Sir… please, sir. I’m one of you. Let me in,” Taylor Swift begs. “Oh Taytay,” the governor stoops to speak to her. “We are never. Ever. Having you back.” He puts on his sunglasses and turns away. Taylor burns to a crisp. A song by Tim McGraw blasts in distance. *You should’ve stuck with country, honey.*

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"What's it like to have a heartbeat?"

What's it like to have a heartbeat? To feel a constant thud in your chest? To be able to listen as your valves open and close, sending life though your body? What's it like to feel alive? To feel free and open? To do whatever you want, move any muscle you desire? What's it like to see color? To watch the sunset? To see your family? What's it like to hear noises? To be able to listen to a babbling brook? To hear someone say "I love you"? What's it like to be loved? To come home to someone? To fall asleep in their arms on those cold winter nights? To feel life. That is what it's like to have a heartbeat.

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A hermit gains a reputation as an 'inscrutable master' and slowly becomes the reluctant leader of a renowned martial arts monastery.

Three men and a boy climbed the 10,000 steps to the mountain's top. Surprisingly, they did not find a beautiful scene or a view of all the world. No, they found a mud hut and a crazy old man. The man had a walking stick, carved with sigils in it. The stick looked like it was made by an expert. The man looked no expert. The old man waved the four visitors over to his house. Reluctantly, they followed and sat down at his request. "Hold these spoons." The man handed them each a spoon and all four held it up in front of them. The man got up and left the room, eventually sending sounds of snores to the four spoon-holders. Bewildered, the men looked at one another, but held on to the spoons. With night came rest for the old man, but none of the spoon-holders slept. The old man entered the room again the next morning, eating a sausage. "Oh," he looked at the four spoon-holders, "still here?" They all dropped their jaws, angry and confused at whatever was happening. The boy simply got up and, never releasing his spoon, poured a bowl of cereal and milk and began eating it with the spoon. This drew mad laughter from the old man. "Ah," he said. "So the only one smart enough to use his burden to his advantage is but a boy." The three men on the couch looked at each other as the old man spoke. "You three, out. The boy passed the first test."

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Unimaginable power surges through your body. You don't know why but you aren't waiting around to find out.

*This is unbearable* he thought to himself even as he flung himself down the corridor. *I only have myself to blame, I brought this on myself* He flung himself around a corner and his goal was within sight. *I have no idea which one did this to me but I swear I'm never going back again* Reaching his target, he swiftly lowered himself onto the molded seat even as he felt the unknown energies within surging and desperately seeking a release. His eyes crossed as the sweat dripped from his brow, knowing it was mere moments away... *This is the last time I try to judge the national chili cook-off finals by myself*

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A young couple from different backgrounds deal with the stresses of their family wanting to break them apart. The two decide to finally elope when the truth comes out. They are grandchildren from opposing pantheons and the deities in their families aren’t happy.

The 2 ancient deities locked eyes in shock, looking at each other brought back their memories of countless clashes on ancient battlegrounds, their hatred and rivalries for each other stretched back for millennia. The black leather cladded older woman gracefully dodge the old gentleman's lightning attack. Continuous barrages of strikes, each of them managed to avoid every single one. Such as rehearsed dance of 2 ballet dancers, the leather cladded woman did not even spill the glass of wine she was carrying. "Grandma Morrigan!" "Grandpa Zeus!" The 2 younger demi-deities shouted in attempt to stop their respective pantheon's authority as the 2 ancient beings held each other in binding chokeholds. "Zeus...you old bastard. How long has it been since you last tried killing me? 5000 years was it?", mocked Morrigan the crow goddess. "Old hag, you weren't worth killing then you're not worth killing now. I thought you would piss someone off so much I was sure you'd be dead a long time ago", the muscular white bearded man said through gritted teeth. "Achilles! What is this? I thought you invited me here to introduce me to your new fiancee?", Zeus shouted to the man with long blonde hair. "Yes I did, grandpa. And so did Scáthach. That's why Grandma Morrigan is here with us today", said Achilles confidently unwavering in the face of the king of the gods' wrath. "Oh no...no, no, no...I forbid you to join our pantheon together! I will not sully our bloodline with *hers*", Zeus looked at Morrigan disgusted. "See Scátty? This is why I said never to involve yourself with the Greeks. Oh so high and mighty, sitting up there on Mount Olympus looking down at a mere Goddess of Death like myself", Morrigan scoffed addressing her granddaughter. "Grandma, don't be like that. I'm sure we can talk this out? You 2 are deities worth of thousands of years of wisdom. Surely we all can sit down and have a conversation?", the red headed warrior lady reasoned. "Achilles, did Thetis know about this?", Zeus snapped. "Yes, grandpa. It was mom and Scát's mom who suggested this dinner actually...", Achilles said exasperatedly. "Pfft I told Árd this would be a bad idea, and yet she still insisted", Morrigan rolled her eyes to Scáthach. Zeus huffed, letting his rage clouded his senses. Dark clouds stirred around the sky, a precursor of a storm. "I have heard enough of this! Achilles, you are forbidden to proceed with this engagement! If you keep insisting, consider yourself an enemy of the Olympus!", Zeus' thunderous voice rattled the house. In a blitz of lightning he vanished, back to his throne on Mount Olympus. Achilles sighed, looking at Scáthach in defeat, "I guess dinner is cancelled then..." "Well....that was fun wasn't it? Scátty darling, I'm staying for a while. More wine for me!", Morrigan quipped lightheartedly strutting her way to the kitchen. Achilles and Scáthach fell to the couch, exhausted and clueless... "Now what?", Scáthach asked. "I don't know, Scát...I don't know. You know, I thought grandpa had changed. It's been what...millennia! And still he bears vengeance over petty squabbles. And did you hear what he said about bloodlines and stuff? Yeah, that's al high and mighty coming from the guy who disguised himself as a swan and banged someone!", Achilles ranted. Scáthach smiled at her fiance's fiery rage. She thought it was adorable. Ever since they met each other, when Achilles was on his journey through the afterlife, right after Trojan. He passed through her Fortress of Shadows; where the both warriors clashed irons for 7 days and 7 nights straight, where they eventually fell for each other. "Oh don't keep your mind busy with that thought, Achie. Maybe next time, in a few hundred years maybe he'll come around", said the Celtic warrior brushing her red hair away. Achilles pondered...knowing his stubborn god of a grandfather, waiting for him to come around would be like waiting for Dionysus to sober up...virtually impossible. "Hey Scát.....what do you say we elope?", Achilles suggested in a hush tone. Scáthach's pale face frowned, but in a moment of clarity her face lit up, rejoicing the idea. "You know....I heard Valhalla's a pretty nice getaway destination. We can ask Uncle Odin to officiate. I'm always one of his favorites after all, he'll listen to us", Scáthach suggested gleefully. "I'll pack up immediately!", Achilles jumped up excitedly. "Take your time, Achie. Grandma Morrigan's gonna be here for a while anyway...", Scáthach giggled. This scheming marriage of theirs may be against the will of the gods, it's even going to put them as outcasts among the divines. But at least, if they're gonna be on the run...they're gonna be on the run together, 2 proud warriors side by side. "Scátty...you ran out of wine!", Morrigan's voice shouted from the kitchen. "Grandma, there were 10 crates back there this morning!", Scáthach shouted running to attend the intoxicated Goddess of War and Death.

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In the future we find out that the galaxy is lifeless. Thanks to the resources in space, terraforming a new world is quite easy but there's one problem: there are too many planets. Thus the terraforming and planting of lifeforms becomes a popular subject for student projects.

###Macroengineering I - Lab 6: Terraforming **Introduction** Terraforming is an extremely important methodology to the expansion of humanity, along with being a major subject in the field of macroengineering. In this lab, the goal was to terraform a dwarf planet, seed it with microorganisms, and guide the development of edible terrestrial life. This is accomplished via restructuring surface, generation and maintenance of an appropriate atmosphere, selecting appropriate seeder organisms, and artificially-accelerated development of lifeforms until long-term terrestrial life has emerged. **Materials** 1. A large dwarf planet (EGK 20383) 2. Two compact fusion power generators (10 PW capacity each) 3. Distilled water (0.7 ZL) 4. A GENESIS (General Enhancement of Native Environments - Surveyor and Implementation System) 5. Library of microorganisms provided by the ATCC **Results** *Characterization of EGK 20383* A large dwarf planet, EGK 20383, was characterized. The total surface area measured was 250 Tm^2, or roughly half that of the Earth. The ground was found to be composed primarily of silicates and iron. No water was found. The topography of EGK 20383 was rugged, with over 5000 peaks above 20 km. No preexisting lifeforms were found. *Terraforming of EGK 20383* Fusion generators were successfully set up, operating at a maximum output of 10 PW per generator. Peaks above 15 km in height were smoothed to 15 km in height using the GENESIS system. A carbon dioxide atmosphere was requested and delivered. An appropriate quantity of water of half of the Earth's 1.4 ZL volume was calculated; due to a typographical error, 0.7 YL, or 700 ZL, was requested and delivered. Excess water escaped from the gravitational pull of EGK 20383; the remaining water covered 100% of the surface area. *Seeding with Microorganisms* Cyanobacter of various strains were selected from ATCC. Upon seeding, they rapidly grew to cover 80% of the surface area. Rapid rise in oxygenation incurred rapid death, and carbon waste sedimented to the bottom of the water layer. Aerobic bacteria were then introduced, and proliferated. With accelerated mutations, vertebral lifeforms were generated. *Establishment of Terrestrial Life* Establishment of terrestrial life was not possible, as the surface was entirely covered with water. **Conclusion** The planet was surveyed and terraformed. Although life was successfully seeded, terrestrial life development was impossible due to human error.

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