author
stringlengths 3
20
| subreddit
stringclasses 20
values | subreddit_id
stringclasses 20
values | id
stringlengths 4
9
| content
stringlengths 4
39.3k
| summary
stringlengths 1
10.1k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
[deleted] | TwoXChromosomes | t5_2r2jt | t3_2h0sis | It is currently rather late when I write this. I don't know what I am looking for in this. I need to vent but I have no one to talk to...in which it would feel meaningful to get feed-back with-out it being a one up contest where someone has to keep trying to turn attention back to them instead of just listening for once. I often read and sympathize so much with the posts of people here in this place…but was always intimidated by the idea of joining in. But now I want to share my story, and hope maybe others will see it and learn what I have…and maybe even have new advice.
I am not a little girl sounds probably a little strange for a title. It came to me one day while at work. This one guy keeps calling me “little girl” in a strange off hand way. Such as “hello little girl” or “Little girl” or "little lady" as a way to get my attention. Honestly I ignore him when he does this. I keep hoping he'll catch on.
It vexes me. I am not a little girl. I am a grown women somewhere been late 20 and early 30. My friends often joke about my size. I’ve learned to laugh with them even though these days it kind of hurts. I try to not seem like it bothers me even though it does. I am really short, and petite. If I lost another 20 pounds I would for sure get mistaken as well under 18. However, 18-21 is the usual guess when people try to figure out my age.
Before I go any further I want to state this. I grew up in a bad situation. I was abused by men (family) psychologically and physically for a good first half of my life. I was kept on medication for a good part of it too due to a learning disorder and a neurological one.
My mother divorced eventually, but I was abused by my violent unbalanced older brother after that. As hard as my mom worked to try to give us a better life than she had growing up, she was not often home to witness the true horror of what I was going through. However the abuse didn’t stop at school. I feel it very important to explain this.
If you are considered “special needs” there is a special kind of abuse that goes on in some of these systems. Some of these people in charge don’t care about taking it case by case. They lump it all together and care about “control”.
They favor students pushed to be medicated so they can better “control them”. Well some of these medications (and take it from me, I took many different kinds) just turn you into some sort of a zombie. You are there….only you are not. You are more like a drone or a robot. You were something to be controlled, ordered, and pushed around. When this happens to you, you have no control. If you are smart, and you have what it takes to do well in normal classes it doesn’t matter. They don’t care about you. Shove us all into a class and its one shoe fits all. That’s how it was then and it was terrible.
It wasn’t until my mid-teens that things finally changed. That is when the heart problems started. I remember the doctor and school tried to fight me going off the medication even though it was now killing me. The doctor wanted to up the dose! He saw no reason why suddenly the medication could causing it.
When my body finally got past withdrawal I looked at myself in the mirror and was horrified with what I saw. I was out of shape(and I resolved to fix that for my own health). The worst part is that I didn't know who I was. As a person I hardly existed. When you realize that you don’t exist as a person it hurts. The hurt turns to anger, and then the anger turns to rage. My rage turned to rebellion, and I said no more! No more medications making me not exist as a person. No more abuse physical, psychological or otherwise. No more special education classes holding me back from where I truly belong.
My life really changed because for the first time I could be a person, and I could control my life. I no longer considered myself special needs either. I do not think it is appropriate to see it that way. Learning different doesn't have to be a disability. This is sort of a culture thing but that isn't the topic here.
Before I move on I will mention I had to threaten a adult transition center for the "Disabled" with a law-suit to make them stop harassing me with their calls wanting me to follow up with them. I swear I wish I had the money to sue the school back then for some things that I am sure is illegal. Especially how they set me up with that group without truly having my permission.
When I started college I did so with the decision to not use their disability services. Unlike HS I generally did very well in all my classes. I also started dealing with anxiety issues but I learned to mind over matter it just like I did with my learning thing.
So where is this going? As I have grown older and become a person I have begun to fully realize my potential as human being. There are several times now that I got involved in something wonderful only for it to turn into complete hell and gender or size seemed to have played a part in how it went.
I guess I’ll start with this place. It was a wonderful thing at first until I had to use one of its necessary facilities. There was this place that made me sad because the people running this thing didn't see any reason to keep that place well…run. It wasn't staffed or volunteered properly. If someone was going to die at this event it would be at this particular spot.
Volunteering allowed me to help make a few changes (things like better placement of things to avoid fire hazards, etc). At least it let the poor one staffer get sleep/eat. When we got promoted to staff that dude ran off so it was just us. I wanted more staff. I wanted more volunteers. I was met with a very hostile attitude even though points were well legitimate. It was more than that though. There was just something very off about just how hostile all these people were being to me and my female partner in running this place. We turned that place around even if the people running it offered us none of the help we needed.
I remember being the very first person to get up in the morning, the last to go bed, and the one that ate the least. That’s how hard I worked to keep that place well run and keep the people who rely on that alive. There was more than one time where I thought I might have a dead person, but thankfully even in my sleep deprived state I was often able to figure things out and be calm in a serious situation.
It got so bad finally I quit(corrupt shit happened and I have standards). I did talk to a person who is a guy and asked him to step in because I so worried about the people who rely on that place. He did a good job but…he didn’t meet the same resistance I did. Maybe they finally began to recognize how important that place is. Deeper down I know some of the people there were simply being that way due to ingrained bro culture there. Ah well, I found a better place to put my efforts to and it’s been wonderful working with adults who act like adults, and handle things in mature ways.
I told myself I would not get into a situation like that again. Recognize when you are being mistreated, and if you can’t resolve it gtfo right? Well I would one day come into contact with a really fun social group that got back together again. Again at first it was great. However it began to die due to the people running it…not doing things they should be doing. That’s not to put blame on them. They got really busy and burned out. It happens.
Myself, and a few others stepped up and offered to help. We were brought in, and we took over running things. We began to do things that made a lot sense. Target real issues, and collectively implement reasonable solutions.
We began to make the whole thing great again….and pushed it into realms it had never been before. The entire way there we had to fight nit picking, little tantrums here and from the early organizers. The point of this story is what happened when I finally stopped putting up with the drama. Here we are with many people happy, and these guys take credit for the work we are doing…..and on top of that fight us every step of the way.
I promised I wouldn’t let people use me as a punching bag right? I said that I would stand up for myself and so that is exactly what I did. I was polite, and civil but firm. We have to do things “this” way because things have changed and we need to be able to accommodate that.
It was then things finally came together as I learned pieces of the past with the group I never knew before. I was dealing with full blown megalomaniacs that only really cared about what was in it for them. They had a history of being hostile against women. Much of this I cannot really talk about further. I will say that I was targeted with harassment, vitriol, threats, and people spreading rumors and lies behind my back. They tried to turn the group against us two girls…and get the remaining guys on their side. It back fired. Standing my ground was amazing because others stood with me. Now we have a functionally happy group and the drama is pretty much gone now. It still makes me angry sometimes. That happens when you still have to see the people time to time who caused you so much upset and pain. I choose to act like they don't exist...and it works well enough for now.
I should clarify that these people do change their behavior based on the gender of who they are interacting with. This is why I’ve seen things we (girls) suggested get met with hostility, but then a guy suggestions it suddenly it’s all fine. Suddenly it’s a great idea. When a guy gives his opinion that’s all-right as we are all “adults here”. That is encouraged. Then they flip out when a girl is honest.
Over the years this, all of it has begun to make perhaps more sensitive than I should be. Where I work this guy calls me “Little girl” and the way he says it is vexing me to the point I want to tell him to stop.
When at work I do get many people (usually women) who are so happy I take the time to help them and give them honest advice. I don’t try to make them buy things they don’t need either. A lot of guys come in and they refuse to take me seriously. They usually prefer to get their final info from the guys.
It still sticks in my mind when a grown man comes in with his kid, talks to my manager asking if he can get a job there and then calls me a "young lady" when he leaves. His tone just vexed me. It feels like it's a way for a person to assert themselves as above me. Then again maybe I've just oversensitive.
I don’t like being called little girl. I do not like being called little lady. I’m tired of being reminded of the fact I don’t look an adult no matter how adult I dress or act. Most of all I’m tired of this twisted world where because of this I have to work extra hard to prove my mettle and make people see that they cannot treat me like some little school-girl.
You’re parts, and your size should not matter in this world. What should matter is your heart, your intentions, and your ability. I guess since this will never be that world…I just have to deal with it.
Perhaps in this | there is something for people to learn from. I apologize if my grammar is shit. I’m exhausted and stressed out over something that happened earlier today.
EDIT: Just to clarify I have nothing against special education classes, or programs to help the disabled. Unfortunately during my time in school things in the systems I was in were really bad about it.
EDIT: I did confront the person about the little lady thing. I walked into the back room to do something and he did it again just randomly in that really off sounding way, the "Little girl" thing. So I asked him was he referring to me? He tried to at first act like he didn't say anything and didn't want to make eye contact. I told him to please stop referring to me like that, and he mumbled an apology about not intending to offend me. I explained to him why it bothered me.
It was a very strange experience because his body-language was so odd. Oh well, hopefully he does stop now that he's been asked to. |
[deleted] | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_2h1ynp | When playing Master Yi, it is annoying when your double strike (passive) only autos once and then resets when a minion, monster, or champion dies.
Lucian's passive on the other hand kills the unit and then uses the second shot on a different target.
It would be a small QOL update for Master Yi, but extremely helpful for his second auto in his passive to attack the next target in his melee range.
Just a suggestion.
Edit: | when Yi has 2 or more enemy units in his melee range, let him use his second auto instead of wasting it on the dead unit. |
[deleted] | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_2h2bs5 | Have you noticed the new TSM roster has been obviously been weak in single games. I Noticed back at the LCS play offs/Group B games that the new TSM is a Learning/Adapting team that never makes the same mistake twice against the same team. I could say that if the made it to first place in groups they would of defeat EDG hands down but SSW it looks kinda strange.
Why Could TSM beat SSW?
1: Closing a game - If TSM is ever in the position to get a lead of SSW they should already know how to close a game against faster then them.
2: Wildturtle - In interviews / Vlogs from Locodoco he seems to mention a lot about Turtles mechanics and wanting him to play smarter, TBH I don't think Turtle has masted that yet in competitive play it's kinda like a double edge sword yes? They lose lane and enemy adc has a CS lead but at least he isn't feeding SSW's star player Imp. This can be good for TSM if they are prepared, if the wildboy botlane is getting pushed to the tower SSW may be setting up a tower dive for dandy and TSM could counter this and capitalize on that and get the positioning of dandy or even just outright gank Imp and Mata, but what if dandy is in the lane hiding for a counter gank? I recon they should just get turtle a scrying orb and use it to get vision of the lane bushes before Amazing decides to gank. If your going to get pushed in anyways I recon a scrying orb is stronger than a trinket ward. Anyways if Turtle cannot feed and survive the laning phase I believe that his positioning and mechanics could match Imp in Team Fights.
3: Drawn out Games.
As mentioned before I believe given enough time such as the 5 games TSM will be able to adapt too the playstyle of SSW if their mentality is strong against a Korean team.
4: An Unorthodox pick and ban phase/Laning phase.
TSM pulls a Teamcomp that SSW isn't expecting or All TSM lanes go super aggressive and take white their off guard screwing all of SSW's plans for the next 3 games in pick and bans.
How TSM can lose:
1: SSW Play's Champs TSM is not prepared for:Zion Spartans Nasus anyone? I think something like that will defiantly throw them off their game and their premade plans for Picks and Bans.
2: SSW plays different Variety of team comps: I'm fairly certain that SSW can play a lot of team comps while so far TSM's strongest team comp I've seen is the "Protect the Trist comp" I really do not recall the new TSM ever playing a split push comp, The patter I see is that they put dyrus on an AOE Top laner Bjergsen with a champion of team fight AOE and turtle with late game scaling ADC and Lustboy on a hard CC Support, I won't mention the Yasuo Team comp because that is very self explanatory even solo Q players know how it works. I feel as if SSW pull a Splitpush comp against TSM that could destroy them as of right now I feel that the only chance they've got against white is to straight up team fight them.
3: SSW just smashes TSM early game and destroy amazing in jungle.
4: TSM lose the first game and cannot adapt too SSW and feel outclassed and their mentality is shattered.
5: Bjergsen pulls a Reginald and his shot calling/ Strategy is all messed up.
I'm shit doing | s so Im sorry
Also Sorry for the bad grammar I'm typing on a touchscreen tablet. |
throwawayaskustuff | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_2h30ky | To start out, I should tell you that I was raised catholic and have not had the church in my life for 5-6 years now. I never really felt on the same page with some of the teachings, yet was often interested and felt like engaging discussion in some of my religious classes at the colleges I attended (one was catholic, the other lutheran).
Over the year that we have been dating my girlfriend has asked me to come to church with her on several occasions. I have never refused going, and have volunteered at a church with her during this time. We have attended several different denomination churches together and several non-denominational churches. She has a very deep faith in religion and has it cemented in her life. I do not feel like I have ever tried to remove or criticize her faith, yet recently when discussing faith, she said:
"I feel like I want to be with someone who has a strong faith and that I can share that with"
my ultimate question or | is
Has anyone had success with a relationship where they differ religiously? (aka religious and non-churchgoer) How? |
JornadaMuerto | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_2h3nbu | Potions.
I think that as a support, you should have the ability to give your own health/mana potions to other players. It's a subtle change and will only help early game really, but it's something that would helps ADC or even junglers a lot. Would also make Crystalline Flask a lot better pick early on. Would help to maintain your lane and keep the ADCs in lane for longer.
Wards.
Although I do love the new mechanism of a maximum of 3 wards plus 1 pink, the support isn't blamed for not littering the map with wards now. It would be nice to have that extra 1 ward, I think it could be introduced in the masteries in 'Utility' or even as a quintessence but with a maximum of an extra 1 ward.
Items.
I'm not going to go into any additions of items, but one item that could do with another tier. Ruby Sightstone, yes it's handy, but in the games where you push towards full build but still require map vision, it become a debate as to keep it or not. For a support, if the current recipe of Ruby Crystal + Sightstone was changed to Sightstone + Kindlegem would be good. And Ruby Sightstone ^(could change the name to Kindle Sightstone) could have 450 health and 10% CD. Would make it a much more viable early game item I think. You could even do alterations of it and create a Sapphire Sightstone with the same concept but with extra mana/mana regeneration or cd. Not saying I hate ruby sightstone, just that it could use a little tweeking.
What do you guys
Edit 1: Title | for /u/SwordAUT. I play supp, heres a few game improvements imo for supps. |
throwaway_700 | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2h40n6 | Together 3 years, living together 2 (she kinda just moved in one day without me even realizing it). She's not from this country and is on a visa, have to do de facto to prolong stay.
Main issues:
I miss my old life, I miss total freedom, the ability to do what I want when I want. I care for her deeply as a lover and friend but I don't want to settle, this causes a lot of friction as I'm always going out with friends to party and sometimes just want to be out of the house.
She's highly dependent on me, claims I'm her first love and has pretty much been with me everyday. She's lost touch with old friends, no family contact and just lost touch of her old life. This causes her to be extremely clingy. Lately she's started to feel that I'm becoming a bit distant and claims that she's starting to get depressed and suicidal. I can relate as I have been diagnosed with some issues a while ago.
This guilt and responsibility is tearing me up. I really do care for her enough that I can just keep things as they are for her sake and suppress my curiosity for freedom, but it might make things worse in the long-run. If I cut her off, she has no where to go, no one to support her, no money to even go back to her country, no therapist nothing. It would destroy her and probably me as well.
So what would someone do in such a situation? I've been plagued with this dilemma for a year now.
[b] | b]
Kinda miss being single.
No choice but to stay due to partners international visa and lack of support. |
throwitaway3331 | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2h5dpa | My last boyfriend was a jerk, I broke up with him after he went to jail for getting into a bar fight, I'd had enough of the immaturity. He was never abusive to me but that was the final straw that broke the camels back.
My current s/o has been with me for a year now, I got together with him two weeks after getting out of that relationship. My ex had always disliked him because we clicked so well so maybe a part of me just wanted to get back at my ex. although my current boyfriend is a great guy and would literally give the world to me hes just not quite as exciting not only to talk to but also to live with!
What I mean by that is that he's never into going out, never trying new things and never makes the effort to suggest anything. Ive tried to bring this up with him only to be told he'll go out and do something if I "really" wanna do something. As thoughtful as that is to me it's not what I'm looking for.
Would it be best to just end it or is there something else I can do?
** | boyfriend isn't as fun as he used to be, what do I do? |
[deleted] | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2h6hse | I have been dating my lady for over a year. I love my girlfriend and I think she's hot shit. She is curvy, about 5'2 120-130 pounds, and has the exact body dimensions of Marilyn Monroe (lucky me!) however, she thinks she's fat every so often, a lot more lately. I do not think she is fat, but this is a problem because her self esteem is so low at times that it is making her feel unattractive.
Today at work I sent her a text saying I wanted to have sexy time later, which led to her giving me a smiley face in a very encouraging maybe.
Then fast forward 4 hours and she says that I shouldn't even think about it because she is fat and does not want to have sex.
This is a problem because I am a simple man. When my girlfriends happy I am happy, and when she is in a terrible self-loathing mood it doesn't help my cause to be happy.
I like to exercise, I typically work out at least four times a week. However this seems like it is not a good option for my girlfriend, because she hates working out and tore her knee a few years ago.
I want my girlfriend to be comfortable in her body, I know that a lot of people would die for hers. However for her height she is overweight, her mother is very skinny and I think that she shames her into losing weight some time.(I am not here to talk about her mother, she is awesome just very old-school Italian)
But getting back to the point, how can I find ways to get my girlfriend to exercise when she cannot run due to potential injury. I know that she likes to do yoga but there aren't any good yoga studios where we live. Women especially could you please help me out with this? What can I do to get my girlfriend to exercise without it being a major burden to her?
** | my girlfriend thinks that she is overweight, she can afford to lose a few pounds but it doesn't matter to me, what is the right approach to get her to start exercising more. |
[deleted] | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_2h6rd5 | so i had gone to homecoming with this girl once previously, lets call her anna. So i had gone with her the year prior to this one. we went mostly just as friends because she was kinda seeing some guy but he couldnt go to the dance, so i figured i had no other plans so i went with her. we had a great time together and it was the best dance i had been to, and i give most of the credit for that to her. we finished off the night with just a hug and goodnight. so this year i was getting hints from her that she wanted me to ask her, mostly just her saying hi to me when she had not previously. this brought her to my attention, so i thought i had so much fun last year and i couldnt think of anyone better to go with, so i asked her again. she said yes! so everything went mostly the same as it did the previous year, it didnt feel any different or anything and the same thing happened except the end of the night. when i dropped her off she just kinda stood there and we talked a minute and so i thought she might want me to kiss her. when i went in for it she didnt react really or move, so i though okay maybe she just wants to stay friends again, no big deal, i wouldve loved to be something more but if she didnt want it then i didnt want to force anything on her. so we hugged and left. now ive talked it over with my friends and ive reached the conclusion that she did want me to kiss her, apprently you need to go all in before the girl will react (never really thought about this before, i usaully had been dating girls by the time i kiss them). ive also heard that someone asked her what hapened and she replied "...we hugged...". all of this leads me to believe i shouldve done something, that night after the dance she texted me telling me she had a good time and everything, so i told no problem i had a great time too and if she ever wanted to hang out sometime i think that would be really fun. afterwards no response and i havnt talked to her since. She is a really nice upbeat girl and now i hate myself for not kissing her right there. now is there anyway i can get a second chance? should i come out straight to her and tell her what happened? ask her on a date? please give me your best advice!
edit: | shouldve kissed homecoming date; misjudged situation and didnt, filled with regret, can i get a second chance? |
fuk_dapolice | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2f4rck | I go to graduate school in a large city. My parents live about 2.5 hours away. Friday they call to tell me they are coming to visit me this Sunday (today) and staying until tomorrow. I think, okay, kind of short notice but okay great. They get here and drop it on me that they want to stay the night in my (one bedroom) apartment a the futon. I also live with my BF (24).
I thought this was quite rude. My parents are constantly fighting, say racist things, and generally complain and hate on everything. I need some time away from them whenever I have to spend large quantities of time around them. I tell my mom that I don't mind them staying but I wish they would have at least asked or mentioned it beforehand. Not unreasonable right? Not a big deal either, I foolishly thought.
My mom starting pouting and acting all huffy all evening. I call her on it and she says I'm ungrateful, anyone would love to let their parents stay, blah blah. After that she kept shit talking everything about where I live, why she hates it, why she would never live here (like anyone cares) etc etc. My parents ended up going home quite early that evening. Before dark.
My parents did pay for my undergrad tuition, I feel like that's relevant. I also did work two jobs and paid for my rent/bills, so it wasn't like I was doing nothing. I got into grad school and graduated with a good gpa. I am grateful they did that for me, and I do love them. But damn, does that give them the go ahead to be obnoxious?
Should I have just sucked it up and kept my mouth shut about them staying here? Was I out of line? I feel really guilty, because I know my mom is depressed and already is disappointed with my sister for being mean to her, she has no friends and hates her job and marriage. I'm the only positive force in her life but I'm so sick of being it. I don't even know how to bridge the gap.
** | parents didn't give me any warning about staying the night. I live with my bf and thought it was kind of rude. Mom got upset and left in a huff. I feel bad because she has had a rough life and always gets the shit end of the stick, but I can't control that. She always mentions how she only lives for us kids. Should I have just let them stay without making a fuss? Does anyone else have a terrible relationship with their parents even though they would do anything for you? |
[deleted] | tifu | t5_2to41 | t3_2f72kj | A cautionary tale, which many have said before, and many after me will tell as well, however today is my day to give the warning.
While contemplating the recent events of this past weekend, I noticed a certain section of my werewolf-like hair growth had been neglected. I had kept this area fairly neat and ordered for my now ex-girlfriend, and if she had ever bothered to investigate she would have appreciated the work and care I applied for her, and my own benefit.
As I am a sucker, I felt the need to perform some much needed maintenance on the off chance we were able to work something out, or in case [something better comes along](
With much care, I applied trimmer and razor and three-fourths of the way through trimming the verge, my hand holding the delicate area being paved slipped and made full contact with the trimmer. Skin wraps around trimmer and a sound not unlike a lawnmower hitting a rock occurs, at a much softer and more terrifying decibel level.
The next episode of The Knick follows. Blood is flowing freely and everywhere. There is no pain but there is concern, a mighty concern. The blood flow fails the toiler paper test and breaks through the flimsy dam and starts to cover my hand, my legs and the floor. Drops of blood are spattering my bathroom and concern has been upgraded to worry. I check my cabinets and realize my gauze is in my basement, and I am grateful I live alone. Completely naked I run through my house, my path marked by the blood still flowing from my injured manbits. I grab some gauze, head back upstairs, looking at the blood path like some deranged GPS leading me back to my bathroom. I try some Neosporin as a thickening agent, hoping to slow the flow of blood. All it does is act like a slip and slide, sending blood flowing freely and quickly across the wrinkles of skin.
I apply the gauze and watch as it maxes its capacity in short order. Three pads of gauze later the sanguine Niagra Falls ends finally, just as I was figuring out how to drive, apply pressure, and not scream the whole way to urgent care.
After 10 minutes of assurance of the end of my genital's one man two ball 1 day only performance of Carrie, I finish the damn job, and swear never to do it again which I will promptly forget in two weeks.
There is no | read it and be warned. |
rollercoaster14 | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2f7ycs | So long story short, we're together 7 years married almost 4 . One day in the beginning april he(25m) stated he wants a divorce, I(24f) couldn't believe it , I cried and was on my best behavior , I tried to talk to him about it but Nothing worked out , he got more angry and eventually became violent after I confronted him about an affair I caught him in.
He started coming home an hour before work started , and since we carpool I would drive us to work, leave him at work still drunk, and pick him up so we could go home, he would get home , shower and leave and do it again. So I moved out towards the end of may .
We tried hard to remain friends but he would always get jealous of me if I hung out with anyone, and after he was with that girl I first caught him with, he started seeing another girl. So at this point, I'm heartbroken and angry he still acts jealous towards me after what he does.
We work to get over it , because since we are married there is still a lot we have to talk about for the divorce.
A few months pass , i think the worse parts are over , So I go days without talking to him now , and then one night last week he writes me out of nowhere :
"Good night youre a great person, don't ever forget that."
Me: goodnight , but why do you say that
Him: Cuz I feel like sometimes something nice goes a long way when there's nothing else and I like being nice to you Cuz youre a good person
me: OK well thanks , sweetdreams. I love you forever even if it's not the same kind of love anymore. You'll always have a place in my heart.
him: i love You 2 .I will never be like I was with you. You where one of a kind in my heart and your friendship will never be replaced No matter what anyone says my heart in some way shape or form will always be yours even if it is just as my friend have a good night
So on top of the fact that i am heartbroken and I hate every thought of the divorce, I'm trying to get over it , and accept that we are through, I tried dating, I tried not talking to my husband. I tried being nice, I tried being distant. And then he sends me these messages and my emotions mix up again. And I miss him, and I am not understanding what is going to happen with us. I also have his mom contacting me every so often saying how much she prays that we will be together and that she knows he won't be better off with anyone but me. It's all very hard to handle when I feel loved one second and rejected the next. Since he sent that message we haven't talked. And I don't know how deal with it anymore
> | husband wants divorce, I leave, he cheats , I stop talking to him everyday, he sends me sweet messages , I'm confused. |
xTekek | summonerschool | t5_2t9x3 | t3_2f8c0n | I have been maining irelia for a few months now and I believe i may just make gold this season (fingers crossed) because of it. My win rate with her is over 60% and I love playing her, but there is always that small nagging feeling of sameness. Playing the same champion gets repetitive, especialy when you dont feel challenged in lane since you dont meet main other main champion players (in the silver elo).
While i know I should ride my irelia train as long as I can, I was wondering when a good time is to start branching out to other champions? I mean I play a few solidly in other lanes, but no where near as good as I am with irelia. Im not sure what point I should focus on being good with other champs (as most pros/ streamers seem to be already). Is it not until even diamond that I should start branching out or is earlier fine.
P.S. Sorry for dragging this one out. Wasnt sure how to summarize it better, so no | for this one. |
nothingbeginsasevil | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2f8kce | I'm really struggling because I know that its bad to be "desperate" but I actually feel desperate. I've never been in a relationship and I'm shy and not very confidant.
I find it difficult to meet people and I feel as though girls find me uninteresting and often ignore me in social situations. People say to be who you are, but I'm not very funny or interesting until you really get to know me.
I've tried being more confident and I've tried online dating and I've tried all the conventional advice, but I don't know what to do.
I know its not a good idea to search for a relationship just for a relationship's sake, but that's all I really want in life. Nearly everything else is unappealing to me. Its not that I am looking for happiness. I don't believe in pursuing happiness. Its not that I don't have aspirations, I just really don't care at the end of the day about them that much.
I want a relationship with someone I actually care about, not just a relationship for its own sake. I don't know how to go about it and I don't have many opportunities to meet people. I'm terribly socially anxious and I don't know what to do because I feel desperate and in a lot of pain. I'm not suicidal, but I feel pretty hopeless and at the end.
** | desperately want a relationship, painfully shy, feeling hopeless and depressed, tired of conventional advice, can't gain confidence even when I try, tried online dating, don't have the strength to try anymore. Please Help |
[deleted] | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2f8ue4 | English is not my first language so please be patient with me and excuse me grammar mistakes
Background story: me and her are classmates and we work together, we both work at a restaurant where I work as a bus boy and she being a host. We knew each another over a year now and our friend relationship have gotten more in depth as days goes by. We would always go eat afterwork and have a good time together, we are both under 21 so no alcohol related, I would always make her laugh and swear to god, seeing her smile is the most beautiful things in the world. If she does not have a boyfriend, I would definitely scrap my knees for her... But I've been holding back since. She has a boyfriend they been going out for a year and her relationship with her boyfriend been doing bad lately, to the time where she question herself if she should break up with him, and she would ask me for advice via text, I been telling her to break up with him because I do not want to see her getting hurt anymore... (One time she was really disappoint at her boyfriend but still having to go work while being upsad, so I decide to buy her some flowers and a drink to cheer her up, that day was also Chinese valentines day) She's too afraid of losing this "boyfriend" since she got used to it, and afraid to change.
I don't know what to do anymore, we are both seniors in high school and she is moving to mainland (we live in Hawaii ) for college. Right now i would go to her house every Thursday for SAT tutoring, for return home together when she going work (work and my house is close by)
should I keep going for her or should I just stop since we are graduating soon? Does she notice me liking her? Prom is coming up and I really want to ask her to be my date, but since she has a boyfriend, that's a whole different story, should I ask her? Or would it be too awkward to do so? Once again sorry for my horrible English... Thank you :)
Edit: | how should I continue my "relationship" with her when she have a boyfriend? |
fa_throwaway_19 | dating_advice | t5_2s4kl | t3_2fbq2c | The event that led to this post was a moment of emotional distress caused by my pathetic attempts to write a kissing scene in my novel. I will try to keep this as concise and direct as possible, and I apologize if any part of this comes off as ranty.]
I do not understand any part of the dating process. I'll start with actually meeting people and go from there.
So, obviously the first part of dating is to meet someone. I hear that the best way to do this is to actually go out. And I do. Frequently. I am a member of several meetup groups, I go dancing regularly, I'll try out random classes like yoga just for fun, I used to be a member of a writing group, etc. Everyone I meet seems to be in their early-thirties at the youngest. And they're certainly great people (my best friend is 41), but I really wish I could find a way to hang out with people my age. But I've had almost no luck in finding such people.
(Online dating has worked to a limited extent, as far as actually meeting people goes. I still think I ought to know how to do it the natural way, though.)
Now, let's say that I do meet some girl at one of my activities and ask her out on a date. I'm aware of the standard choices: dinner, coffee, basically something in a public environment where we can get to know each other better. Now, thanks to Plenty Of Fish, I have been on a number of first dates. On each occasion, it felt either like hanging out with a friend, or with someone I didn't like very much. The existence of the term 'friendzone' suggests to me that this is not what it is supposed to feel like. I have no idea what is required to steer toward 'girlfriend' rather than 'friend,' or even what the difference is.
I have asked similar questions before, to other people, and the response usually seems to be on the lines of "with a girl you're dating, you want to fuck her."
I this is not something that I feel. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that this is not something I allow myself to feel. I was brought up in a very religious environment where I learned that sex is evil. I know on an intellectual-level that this is ridiculous, but I don't know how to stop feeling this. But anyway, asexual relationships exist, there is an entire culture that doesn't have sex at all before marriage, friends with benefits exist, so it's really not obvious to me at all that sex and relationships are inherently tied together like this.
So | for that part: I don't know how to interact with a woman in a manner that would lead to a relationship, or even what a relationship is.
On to kissing. I want to be able to want this, and considering that I was able to love rock music and science, I believe that with minimal exposure I can convince myself that kissing is not only okay but enjoyable. But at the moment I don't understand what makes two people want to kiss each other. When I see it in movies, my first reaction is generally confusion. So, in what situations is kissing acceptable, and what actions can I take to make these situations more likely? There seems to be some sort of expectation of a kiss at the end of the first date. Is this correct? From my perspective, that makes as much sense as as deciding to say good-bye by running a three-legged race. How do you even stand that close to someone without being rude?
Thanks for reading all that. I'm just feeling really lost, and confused, and out of place, and I'm tired of not understanding what's going on. |
tinnehterra | dating_advice | t5_2s4kl | t3_z4ipj | So I [24M] am quite interested in a [17/18F] new girl that I work with. A little background is she already has a bf, however she has complained about him multiple times to me, and even telling me she is planning to break up with him as soon as she turns 18 (soon), I wasn't sure if she was serious or not when she said it, but she had a pretty serious look on her face when she said it and didn't follow it with any gesture to show that she was kidding. She seems really interested in me, like we talk with each other a lot and waste a lot of time chatting when we should be working. If I'm sitting down over in my department she'll come over and talk with me, and even has spent her lunch breaks sitting in my office area just to talk with me, instead of sitting in the break room (and literally no one ever does this, everyone always goes to the break room for lunch.) She has also has told me that I'm her only friend at work so far.
Just so you all know I would never make a move on a woman who is already in a relationship, I despise cheaters. My current plans to get closer with her is to either ask if she wants to hang out together as friends, or even get her mobile number off her so we can chat when we're not at work. However this makes me feel a bit scummy because like I said I would NEVER make a move on her while she is still with her bf, but idk it feels guilty for some reason... Mostly I want to hang out with her to make her see how awesome I am, or to show her that I'm interested in her.
edit: | girl i work with is really interested in me, and i'm into her, she has a bf, but she says she is going to leave him very soon
So my question is should I ask for her number? Or ask her to hang out? Or leave it alone all together?
And if I do hang out with her, how can I show her that I'm interested?
What should I do? |
NotGonnaKillYou | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_z6dwa | So I posted [this thread]( earlier, and I was told in a PM to come here for more advice, so here goes.
>My girlfriend Sarah is a part of my "social circle" so to speak. She's friends with all of my friends, and we all get along. So last week, my friend Matt asks if we can talk. He says that he thinks Sarah has been flirting with him lately, and he doesn't feel comfortable about it. I tell him it's cool, I'll talk with her about it.
>So I forgot about it, and just today I find out they slept together the next night. I'm pissed, so I call up Matt and confront him, he said he just gave in, and I told him to fuck off. Sarah comes home and I ask her about it, she says yes she did sleep with him. I get pissed and tell her I need to think about our relationship.
>Next thing you know, SHE'S pissed with ME! She says I have no reason to be mad, it was just a one night fling, and that she's not married, and she can do whatever she wants. She got pissed and went to stay with a friend. And this morning I wake up to a message from her friend saying the same bullshit she was.
> | girlfriend cheats on me with friend, gets mad at me for being upset
>So reddit, who do you think is in the right here? Me or her? And why? I just need some advice so I know what to do.
We've been together for about a year and a half, and she's 25 and I'm 24. I'm not sure what to do, I'm still in love with her. |
Jurph | nfl | t5_2qmg3 | t3_zceq0 | Thirteen month-old baby broke the lookin' glass:
seven years of bad luck, good things in your past."
Stevie Wonder
Pythagorean Record is a way to determine, based on a team's total points differential, what a team's record should have been. I won't get into the [gory details]( [here]( but it basically takes the points scored vs. points allowed and uses that to figure out roughly whether your team was lucky or unlucky.
I took this idea a little bit -- a very little bit -- further and decided to see if I could identify any outliers or trends. If over-performing your Pythagorean numbers is just "luck", a fifty-fifty shot, then you'd expect that in a given year 16 teams would do it. And in two consecutive years maybe only eight teams could pull it off. After five years, there might be a team that over-performs, or there might not. But could a team really over-perform seven years in a row? Could they under-perform seven years in a row?
**[Here]( is a Google Docs spreadsheet containing the regular-season numbers for every team for the last 7 years. Thanks to Pro-Football Reference for the stats.
Some interesting conclusions that could spark discussion are below, for your perusal. I use the words "lucky" and "unlucky" but that pre-supposes there is no discernable cause. What makes a team win more games than they deserve to? Could a "clutch" QB make the difference? Excellent coaching? Biased officials? Or are the "lucky" teams actually overrated teams, and our perception of them as "elite" is just retrodictive observation of a few extra wins each year?
"Lucky" Teams
(Teams who are worse than their record shows)
The Indianapolis Colts, under Peyton Manning, were almost two games per season better than they had any right to be. Their seven-year total was +8.8 games. (Under Curtis Painter they were two games worse. Insert a gratuitous pun on the word "LUCK" here.)
The New York Giants, under Eli Manning, are about half-a-game per year better than their record indicated, but they are consistently not quite as good as their record. Where does that annual win come from? (No, the answer is not "Washington".)
The Patriots are consistently good as well (+4.8, winning about half a game per year that they shouldn't). The season Brady sat out they were barely above average; his first year back was their worst year in this study. Is their dominance just luck? Belichick Voodoo?
The Falcons under Mike Smith and QB Matt Ryan consistently overperform their abilities. I know Ravens fans remember 2008, when both the Ravens and Falcons started with rookie coaches and QBs, and we talk about "fastest to 40" and "four playoff wins in four years" etc. -- but according to this metric, something about Smith's Falcons gives them the ability to "just win", and the Ravens don't have it.
Speaking of teams that "just win", last year's Broncos were incredibly lucky -- +2.2 wins better than they had any right to be. Luck? Divine intervention?
"Unlucky" Teams
(Teams who are better than their record shows)
The Detroit Lions have underperformed to the tune of -6.8, or almost a game per year. No team has a worse performance compared to their Pythagorean record over that stretch. This is a team that is ripe for a comeback.
If the Rams were a sentence on a high school report card, it would be "doesn't live up to potential". Never the worst team, the Rams have nonetheless underperformed for seven years running, five times by more than half a game. They can't even win the games they're supposed to win.
Are the Browns unlucky? Nope. After seven years, they spent one season more than +1 game better than their talent, and one season down 1.5. Other than that they are basically exactly who you think they are. The Factory of Sadness creates some of the most consistent results in football.
The presence of Brady and the Mannings in the positive outliers makes me wonder: is there something about their play-style that makes them over-perform? Or is there something about the coaching or game-planning that wins them more games than the team earned? "Consistently great" teams like the Steelers appear to win exactly as many games as they deserve; the Saints under Brees are just barely a break-even team.
I've | ed this post into oblivion now, but would love to hear any theories on why some teams seem to always get a few more wins than they deserve.
(EDIT: added a few more links, incl. [One Explanation Of Why This May All Be Hooey]( and [Something from Grantland because they rock]( |
confusedsugarcube | TwoXChromosomes | t5_2r2jt | t3_1vs836 | So my boyfriend and I have been together for just shy of a year now, and I honestly feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest with love. He and I have both had some pretty bad relationships (he was cheated on multiple times by multiple girls, i was in a 2 year long abusive relationship - to name the worst ones.) and being together has seemed to really help both of us. We seem to have the best relationship ever, we're super comfortable with each other, we have fun, we both care deeply about each other, his family loves me, etc, etc. The only thing that seems to keep tugging at me is that we still haven't said I love you. I know this is so silly and trivial, but it's really bothering me. After about four months, I told him I was falling in love with him, and he said that he knows and feels the same way but he doesn't want to say "it" because he has a habit of jumping the gun and getting hurt. I totally understand that, and I respect it. But now we're coming up on our one year, and I can't help but wonder if theres a reason he hasn't said it. He;s very affection and sweet, and very rarely says hurtful things (and they're always accidental and he apologizes immediately) and our sex life is great and we never fight. Also his sister and best friend have told me on multiple occasions that he's admitted it to them. So what gives? Is it just because of his past relationships, or am I just the "one before the one", if you know what I mean?
basically, for | our relationship is pretty amazing and smooth and wonderful but he can't seem to tell me he loves me and I'm starting to think something is wrong. |
exbadboysgirl | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_1vsphs | I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man for about a year now. No major issues. He's loving, successful and the closest to a soul mate I've ever had. From past conversations I've figured out he was quite the "bad boy" in his youth, but we never really went further into it since it's not who he is now.
Last week, however, we were talking and I questioned a bit more deeply into his past. He admitted to having done a lot of bad things-- getting into fights, "manipulating people to get his way", even getting arrested, and also has quite a history with women, including being unfaithful. I thought he acted out in his youth. Turns out it was in his twenties (so, about 10 years or so ago).
I suppose I might have been too nosey, but I was in no way judgemental. But he then got angry with me for wanting to know all this about him, saying that it was his past, he learned from his mistakes and it's not who he is now. To be honest I've never seen him that pissed off at me before. I respect his privacy and I told him I'm not judging him, but his reaction and unwillingness to be frank about everything put me off a bit.
So, reddit, what do you think? Should a person have the right to question their SO's sordid past, especially if things are getting serious, or should one let sleeping dogs lie?
Edit:
Sorry, | current SO was someone else in his past. Got mad at me for prying, but should I have the right to know who he was? |
Bulldog16 | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_1vt5f6 | Last week my semester started, by a stroke of luck my crush from my previous class last semester was in one of my classes this semester. On the first day of class I walked in and she noticed me and said hello and and asked me how my break was. I sat down next to her and we chatted for a long time until class started. We hit it off really well and I found out that we have tons in common, and she seemed to be interested in what I was doing too.
The next day of class I encountered a roadblock. Her best friend had decided to transfer into our class and now I have no chance to talk to her since she talks to her BFF for all of it. That class is the only time I see her. I would really love to get to know her better and to see where it could lead. How do I overcome this obstacle?
** | crush on girl in my class, got along really well, her BFF transferred into class and can't talk to her. |
VeryLikelyTA | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_167bg3 | I[25] started sleeping with a new partner[25] about 2 weeks ago[2+ month relationship]. A couple days ago I felt a bit sore, I figured it was due to having too much/vigorous sex after being single for so long... but it got worse. I thought I might have a yeast infection and went to the Dr. today. They said it looks like herpes, did some swabs etc. and even prescribed me the anti-viral medication.
Now I don't know what to do. I know I will need to tell my partner, but should I wait for my results for confirmation or should I tell them now?
Does it matter if I do it face to face? I'd prefer to, but they live somewhat far and I'm worried after telling them I could be too upset (crying) to drive home right away and that would be awkward/unwanted.
Any other suggestions/personal experiences are very welcome.
Edit | just came back from the Dr. it's more then likely I have herpes. How/when do I talk to my partner about this? |
zenmaster1989 | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_169vq3 | So, every time a champion that is at the top of their game gets nerfed (usually pretty hard), people all scream and cry and rage that Riot nerfed them WAY to hard. And sometimes that is the case (See: Diana and Rengar). But I can't help but feel that sometimes when doing so, Riot is making the right decisions, and here is why.
We'll use Rengar for example/discussion; Riot tried giving him small buffs a few times to bring him back into balance, and it seemed to have little effect on how strong it was, which shows that something more drastic is needed. The problem with this is, something drastic often takes a long time to work out and balance properly. So Riot smack Rengar so hard with the nerf bat he becomes unusable. This causes everyone to rage because now the miss Rengar and think Riot is way to harsh. Riot then comes back out and says they realize they were too harsh, and they are working on a remake.
So, while it may not be intentional, i feel that being too harsh on an overpowered champion is a good thing (this is coming from someone who loved rengar). Because by nerfing him (or Diana) too hard, it made them unplayable, which ruins 1 (in this case 2) champions. Instead of those 2 champions being picked or a forced ban every game and ruining the game for most of the other champions while waiting for a long time for Riot to really balance out the big changes needed.
So my question, and the | is-
Would you guys rather have a champion get overnerfed and then worked on to come back to balance, or go unerfed for a while, stomp everything, making them a required ban/pick, and finally get balanced, without ever having gone through an underpowered phase.
Personally I'm ok with the overnerfing, even if it's on champs that I enjoy, because I think it's better for the overall state of the game to not have massively overpowered champs that make every champ in the game feel inferior, and instead have a few champs that feel inferior while the rest or more or less even.
Thoughts? |
Needadvicebadly1 | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_16ek3q | Hi,
Ok, here is my problem. I've been with my girl for 7 years and to be completely frank, I think I'm done. I just haven't been happy with her in a while, she often makes me less happy. Even the times that I am happy, I'm not as happy as I am, just going out with friends. It is nice, to have someone to crawl into bed with at night, and I imagine I'd be a little lonely at first, but that's about it.
The Dilemma: I still care about her, and breaking up with her, would mean she'd be out on the street, almost literally. She can't really go home, because her brother is crazy and thinks that she calls the cops on him (even though she didn't), so holds a lot of anger towards her. Her mom is almost as crazy, afraid to stand up to him, and her dad passed away. To make matters worse, she hasn't been great with her money. She worked for the past 3 years, I forced her to pay off her student loans and even paid some of it off to avoid the interest (she now owes a couple thousand to me, technically), but other than that she has no money to her name. She's at least on Employment Insurance for the next little bit though, but moving out for her would be tough. I'm a PhD student and have saved quite a bit, but not sure how easy it would be to hold onto our apartment alone (I'd probably have to get a roommate, which is fine).
To make matters worse, we've been living together for a little over a year, and have a bunch of things that are both ours. So I'm not sure how that'll work.
Honestly, the problems aren't that big, but they seem to come up every single day. It's basically her, not planning things properly that end up costing us an extra hour or 2 all the time. Today we had to drive an hour to pick up something, except first she put in the wrong address into the GPS (because she knew the place was close to the address she put in (WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST PUT THE RIGHT ADDRESS IN??), and added 30 minutes to the trip) and then they hadn't received the item yet (which wasn't 100% her fault, since they said it was suppose to be Friday, but she didn't call to make sure it was in) I can't help but lose my shit now, because it's like this problem everyday, and no matter what I do, I can't get her to stop/start doing the right things. Sorry for the rant, I needed to get it off my chest.
Basically the | is I want out of the relationship, but financial constraints make it extremely difficult. Or perhaps more specifically I want to stay in the relationship, but these small things keep persisting and are driving me insane, which makes me want out of the relationship, but financial constraints make it extremely difficult. What to do? |
im_so_damn_confusedd | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_16f4bu | i became friends at first, out of necessity with this girl. im a single father and she watched my child. her husband works here with me. i have begun to fall for her, but having recently come out of a soon-to-be divorce, i just dont know what the fuck to think. i spend almost every minute of every day that i can with her. i CRAVE her. we have been drunk and fooled around before, which has been already brought up to her husband. that whole situation really sucked, but, everything has been worked out years later. i remained in constant contact with them and while on a night shift work block (6 months) my son and i lived with them.
fast forward, and sorta | she craves my touch but i know my place. i cherish her as a best friend but obvioulsy i WANT/need (lowercase cuz its not THAT important) to have sex with her. she fears thats all i want, i fear she doesnt believe me when i say it isnt.
please, some insight or advce or somethng?! im heartbroken everyday, and i shouldnt be. shes not my wife or gf, but i still feel like she is. halp |
FlagSample | changemyview | t5_2w2s8 | t3_42153v | Hi guys. I want to note, that I am speaking from a place of 'semi privilege' as a white female.
I've been trying to understand the whole "Black Lives Matter" movement for a while, and I think that I finally get it. However, I'm struggling with another part of this with the recent protest of the Oscars by Jada Pinkett Smith.
I understand that the United States has had a long history of being geared predominantly to white people, and I have no doubt in my mind that racism is still VERY predominant in this country, and it is disgusting in my opinion that we even still have to worry about this type of thing.
What I don't understand however, is why the Oscars are being protested against for not including enough diversity in the nominees, when that isn't really the point of the Oscars. The Oscars is about recognizing extraordinary talent in film, not about "how racially diverse can we make this years nominees?" If there weren't any outstanding actors who were people of color this year, why is that relevant?
The other thing I'm trying to comprehend is why we're allowed to have things like BET around on television, and websites like "black people only.com" for dating, and purposely excluding the non-black crowd. If we really want to end segregation and racism in this country, wouldn't it be better to stop all of the "this race person exclusively" stuff? If we had a channel for only white entertainment, everyone would be up in arms about it.
I understand that alot of people feel that whites already get enough things, and that we've had many things for us in the past, but I just can't see it that way. The things that my ancestors did 60-100+ years ago, I can't be held responsible for.
I actually feel pressured to be aware of my 'privilege' as a white person now thanks to the mainstream media. It makes me feel like less of a person, because I was born white. I feel that the black community puts WAY too much emphasis on this.
Furthermore, if a black person doesn't fit the predetermined stereotype they have, why should they be crucified from their own community for "acting white"? Since when did being a good person, studying hard, and getting a good paying job mean that you were "acting white"? Isn't doing those things, and staying out of trouble with the law just being a decent human being? How is that being "white"? (I recently had a friend who works for a major hotel chain get called "too white" because a co-worker claimed to see her always get picked up from work by her white male friend. She's a well educated woman, with a diverse background of friends and organizations she belongs to, including in the black community. I don't understand why being picked up by a white man from work would deem this comment okay to make...) Also, why is it more socially acceptable for some black people to make fun of others for being white, but if a white person does the same thing to a black person, it's deemed racist?
Now, I'd like to add in here, that I don't have any qualms over Black History Month, since there were so many people who fully believed in "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" and fought hard for the black population to get where they are today, and I completely respect that. Especially since the large majority of history courses in the United States are solely geared towards teaching White European history.
In short, the | is I'm just wondering why blacks want to end racism and stereotypes against them, but then get up in arms over things like "not enough diversity" when the point of the Oscars isn't about diversity, and also why so many people want to end segregation, but yet things like BET exist, with no equivalent for white people. Also the concept of "acting white" and why it's not okay for members of the black community to do that.
Help me understand all of this, and change my view! :)
> Hello, users of CMV! This is a footnote from your moderators. We'd just like to remind you of a couple of things. Firstly, please remember to [read through our rules]( If you see a comment that has broken one, it is more effective to report it than downvote it. Speaking of which, [downvotes don't change views]( If you are thinking about submitting a CMV yourself, please have a look through our ** [popular topics wiki]( first. Any questions or concerns? Feel free to **[message us]( Happy CMVing!* |
warscarr | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_422leu | So i havent finished my placements yet, and im hoping for some actual discussion or answers here, but im curious how riot decides that this placement system is the correct way of doing things, or has any logical basis behind it. I understand that most people (in particular high elo) will drop after their placements, that makes sense to me, the queue is slightly "normalised" to mark the start of the new season. however, from every person i know who i've talked to about their placement, the result has been the same, 6-8 divisions lower than their previous rank. whether they started in silver or platinum. this seems completely pointless to me, what do the placements mean or represent when its essentially just a block fall in rank for everyone, making golds silver, plats gold etc etc. The worst example of this is a friend of mine who was silver 3, went 8-2, and ended bronze 4. she could have started played ranked from scratch on a bronze 5 account and ended up bronze 4 with an 8-2 run, how in any way is this "placement" representative of actual skill level or rank when this seems to be almost always the case? So i guess my overall question is, what was the thought process behind how this seasons placements worked and how do you defend what seems a completely pointless endeavor.
Edit: | placements arent about skill or restructuring, they just drop you 6-8 divisions. why? |
gothic-orianna | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_2u8s3o | So, I've been playing for 3 years. Since December 2014 I've played all of the games I have played on LoL on my stream, and that means I basically hardly type in chat at all except for timers or whatever. I recently (second week of 2015) received a 70 game chat restriction and a 35 game ranked restriction.
My only problem with this is that I have no idea what I said wrong. I have no doubt I did say something wrong, but if I got a ban that large in the space of a week, then I'm just wondering why I'm not being told what I did wrong. I received a chat ban literally after logging in and watching a video RiotLyte made about how summoner feedback on their toxicity gave them a much higher rehabilitation rate.
The other problem I have is this ranked restriction thing. Yeah, I get it - you want people to play the games and actually try instead of just lazing their way through them. Only problem is is that by tying the restriction to draft mode wins, you are inherently making people more susceptible to tilting. You could argue that that means the player shouldn't play ranked in the first place, but in my case, a lot of my viewers want to watch me play my provisionals. I never used to get pissed off about a loss in ranked or in draft games before, but now that I have to win 18 games (started at 35) in order to get back into playing ranked (let alone being able to communicate with my team properly again), it is really frustrating whenever we lose, because it feels like a waste of 30 minutes. It is hard to learn things in draft games because I'm not consistently playing with people at or above my level of play. I do make mistakes in draft queue, but that is primarily because I am also being matched with people who will use their 5 messages every 20 minutes to say something negative, instead of positive things or useful things to say.
The | is simply: I don't know why I was chat banned. I don't want to dispute it, but I would be a lot less frustrated if I could actually see why I was chat banned. I am not being rehabilitated or told what I did wrong here, there is no way I can become a better player just by being forced to go through a stressful situation of having to win 35 draft games just to be able to play in the new season and get learning again. Given that, at least in plain terms, the reason that this was caused was due to free-form stressful situations (a la ranked), I don't see how pitting me in draft queue and forcing me to be unable to communicate without explaining what I did wrong is going to help me.
I have played League for just over 3 years, and not once have I ever felt like not playing League. But since I've received this chat ban, it honestly has just sucked the drive out of me. I can't have fun with people in chat (and I VERY rarely type in chat because I am streaming, I usually only say stuff like "got em" or timers for flash). It feels like a chore to log on and play League because I am being forced to play through 35 games simply to be able to play something my viewers want to see me play again. I know that I have to play through them, and that's fine - I will play through them. But it just annoys me that I can't be told WHY. |
[deleted] | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2u930b | I've been seeing this guy [28, M] for about 2.5 months now. It's hard for me to find people I connect with and that interest me, and I was so happy when we started dating. When i brought up our relationship status about 3 weeks ago he confided in me that he is a recovering alcoholic (sober 6 months) and that he didn't think it would be a good idea to start any typeof relationship due to this. We continued seeing each other and last night I asked him about being exclusive. He said he wasn't willing to commit to that as it leads to more serious things, but he wasn't seeing anyone else and would tell me if he did. He even said he has told his parents about us, which is rare for him. Basically I'm wondering if I should stick around or find someone else.
tl, | guy I've been seeing won't commit to being exclusive due to issues he has, am I being played? |
Senecaraine | wow | t5_2qio8 | t3_2u9r40 | I have found a guild I really enjoy (very nice and fun people) but we, as a whole, aren't very raider heavy. This has been steadily becoming a bigger issue since a handful of us are pretty dedicated but have to pug in people all the time to raid (though those of us that do show up do extremely well, and a decent number are ranked top 10 for our server).
So we're trying to find new raiders to join the guild and more specifically our raid times. I'm not really asking for people here, I know there's a sub setup for it, but it seemed like a ghost town last I looked. In fact, every old place I used to look for this sort of thing seems pretty nonexistent now (our server's official forum barely moves and turned up no replies). I'd really like to stay with this guild, but I fear if we don't get more raiders to at least fill a team we're going to start losing people.
So, | start here what add-ons and sites are actually active for raiding recruitment? I missed most of MoP as well so maybe I'm missing something that started there and took everyone. Thanks for any help you may be able to offer. |
[deleted] | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_1f2s4f | This is going to be a wall of text. And though this has a lot of sex in it, it's mainly about my relationship.
I've been married to my husb for about 15 years now. I love the man, but there has been issues to say the least.
My husb has had this fantasy about cuckolding since he was like 12yo. Our entire sex life for years and years, was about me telling him about all sorts of gang banging, sex with black men, humiliation, etc It was ALLL about him and his fantasies and his dick. I'm not sure why I put up with it, but I did, for way to long. I got to the point where I hated having sex with him. He could have cared less if I had an orgasm or what. He was OBSESSED with him watching me have sex with another guy, or five, or 20 at a time. i know this is not an uncommon fantasy, so i said I'd consider it. So we went online to find a guy to do this with. At first I was actually a bit excited about it. We found this one guy and contacted him. Of course he was interested. So, as stupid as I was, my husb decided he didn't want to be there but for me to video it. Ok. So I went to this strangers house by myself (wtf was I thinking I have no clue, why was my husb sending me to this strangers house idk I just didn't care about myself). My husb just sent me on my way without a second thought. Anyways, I get to this guys house and the whole experience was great for him, horrible for me. It literally made me sick to my stomach. I said no more of this shit. My husb was unhappy with my "performance"....why didn't I talk more dirty to this man, why didn't I have an orgasm, why didn't I make more sounds, etc
After that I became extremely depressed for about a year. During this time my husb was posting naked pics of me online without my knowledge looking for guys to have sex with me. I think this was more about fantasy since he knew I didn't want to do it anymore. But it was the posting the pics online without my consent that pissed me off and made me even more depressed and despondent from him. So during my time of depression he had an emotional affair with another girl and was planning to leave me. I knew something was up but didn't get proof of it until I looked at his phone and his FB and no I don't care if I was snooping at this point. I was tired of his shit. Tired of being so used.
So finally he admitted to this emotional affair. I knew it didn't go farther than that because I read all their emails, etc. But he was talking about leaving me, how unhappy he was, etc
So basically I flipped out. I went out and started partying, meeting all sorts of people. I'm 36 but I look much much younger and guys were hitting on me left and right. I ended up doing all sorts of sexual things. It was so nice to be noticed, I had guys wanting to date me, fuck me, whatever. But also during this time that I was going out I was so angry at my husb for not even caring what time I was getting back home (5am) or even wondering what I was doing. Just another reason he showed he didn't love me right?
Anyways. He finally (after a year or so) asked me what was up. I told him everything. I think it was slap in the face he needed to realize that I could easily leave him and find someone a lot better than him.
So he started going to therapy on his own, once a week for about 6 months. I was shocked. He said he wanted to work on our relationship, that he did love me, he didn't realize what an asshole he was, or how he was emotionally abusing me and using me for his own pleasure. The therapy really really helped him.
So now, fast forward. Our sex life is great. I have nothing to complain about at this point at all. Our relationship is good. I am very sexually satisfied with him.
But now, I want to fuck anyone and everyone. I'm not sure why but I do. I feel like a 16 yo boy. I love my husb but after so many screwed up years I question myself. Do I even know what love is? Do I love myself? My self esteem is crap but getting better. I'm not a doormat anymore. Why do I fantasize about being single? I love him but think about living my own life single a lot. Why do I want to have sex with everyone now? Will I cheat on him again? No.
I feel like a screwed up mess!
I'm not even sure how to | this wall of mess. |
repostsincaps | Fitness | t5_2qhx4 | t3_1f66iw | So I figure that by posting this I'll have some level of accountability to people other than me. Maybe.
I'm pretty new to serious/disciplined working out, I've done it before but never for longer than 4 weeks or so at a time aaaand I hate my habit of starting committed and then just tapering off. I love exercising and sports and I'm not "unathletic" so to speak; My parents are/were both fairly active, my dad is a strong distance runner, competing in national meets on occasion. I just ran the tough mudder a couple weeks ago, ("ran" is a generous term, it was two hours north of Toronto, ON, and it was 5 degrees C. yay) so I'm not totally sedentary, but I'd like to be stronger/fitter.
So. Stats and stuff.
Male, age 22
5'9", 155 lbs
Not sure what my one rep max is for any of these exercises so here are just my regular exercises
Bench: 165 x 6r x 5s
Squat: 135 x 8r x 3s
Dead Lifts I honestly don't even know, I've done them a few times but never feel like my form is right. I've had a few people show me, but it doesn't seem to stick.
So! If I want to bulk, (shooting for around 170 though any more would be great) what all should I be doing at the gym? Just started using MyFitnessPal for calorie counting also, any tips for diet as well?
Edit: | diet/workout tips for muscle gain? |
Daveaham_Lincoln | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1f7fi1 | I'm a meh top/jungle, decent adc/mid, and the worst support NA. I miss being able to influence the flow of teamfights with proper timing/targeting/positioning/stealth and execute targets with impunity.
I play Akali and Fizz on occasion, but the counterplay is really strong against those two so I tend to avoid them. Shaco seems very weak. Irelia seems close to what I want, but she's in a weird spot. Any suggestions?
EDIT: People mad about the | usage. |
[deleted] | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1oexcx | Mental acuity and gaming; or will I ever get good too?
Forgive the essay. It's around 1800 words and I would like responses from peoples personal lives and experiences instead of stuff we have seen on the internet a million times. If you have an story to tell, I'd love to hear it. Forgive the typos, as I am currently at work. I only had 30 minutes to write this and no time to proofread. This post isn't specifically about League of Legends or any of the other games I will mention but about the shared experience of playing games, real and video, and the mental acuity, specifically focus and concentration, required to be 'good' at these activities we enjoy.
I would like to establish that I do believe that there is talent involved in gaming just as any other activity but that I do not believe talent is, most of the time, a genetically predisposed gift. Other events or actions may be the root to the things to the things we think we have talent in now.
At age eight, I won a local spelling bee. I entered because I was told by a teacher told me that I was a really good speller, better than everyone else in the class. Initially, I never understood how or why I was better than everyone else at spelling. Over time, I realized that I was in fact better than most people at spelling because I would consistently earn the highest marks in spelling drills at school. I still did not understand why I was better than most at spelling but I was really sure that I was better that everybody else and with that confidence I entered the local county spelling bee. I trained and drilled every night with the confidence that I would win because I felt in the marrow of my bones and the depth of my soul that I would win because I was better than everyone else. Each individual practice session showed that my skill was magnifying greatly and my coach and parents were very proud of my efforts but, like so many others that we see achieve fame or success, I was not spurred on by the thought of making my parents proud or any other altruistic reason. I was in it for the glory. I was selfish and ravenous. The day of glory had arrived. I almost slipped up maybe twice but I didn't make the mistakes I thought I was going to. I smirked to myself when people stuttered and stumbled. I was worried that a nine year old Asian girl would have the talent and skill to beat me because she never even paused in her spellings, except once. She asked for the meaning and paused on a word and missed an E and a thought flashed, in that instant, sitting in that rusty aluminum chair, in that hot and silent auditorium, that I was eating her liver and drinking her blood. She was smart and stoic. She was a machine but when she wasn't in her own head, she would look to her left and put her eyes on me briefly a few times when she wasn't staring out into the audience. I was sad she did not beat me.
It was the summer of 93 and I had #rekt those scrubs. I won. I thought everyone else was trash but the Asian girl has my utmost respect and reverence to this day. That I was the first time I had experienced what people call an equal and worthy opponent.
Now to the point. Gaming has not been so glorious for me. My current method of frustration is League of Legends but in the past it has been CS 1.6, WoW Arena, SC2, Street Fighter and Smash Bros. My personal litmus test has been my very best friend who I grew up with and I love him to death but in PC games he is the Goku to my Vegeta. He is an easy going guy while I am super competitive however he has generally been better than me at PC gaming. In CS 1.6 and SC2, in particular, we both played and competed heavily. I had been playing both games heavily before him but as soon as I introduced him to each, he rapidly outpaced me. He tried playing in the CAL leagues but he got frequently requited and then booted from teams because he would be outside getting high instead of showing up for practice drills and scrims. CAL-I was just a fun time for him. He could play a few good 5s games and forget about it. I used to swear that people with consistently high scores were hacking until I watch him play over his shoulder. That's how you know you are bad in shooters, when you think everyone is hacking. He was like a brain surgeon on Dust2, opening skulls all day. I grew up on Quake, Unreal Tournament and CS but I don't even play FPS's anymore because I feel like I am out of my element.
SC2 came out. Same story. Got beta access which he never had. We bought copies together when the game came out. I placed and stayed in Silver league. He placed in Gold but stayed in Platinum league. I read Team Liquid like the bible, he did not. We would both watch pro games together at his house. He naturally saw plays I could not. I would play with him but it wasn't even a fair fight. He would just walk over me in 10 mins using Terran and Zerg. I would be so focused and nervous that I would be sweating hard while he was just dandy. One night, after a long day of Multitask trainer, reviewing notes in my SC2 notebook and playing again and again vs MMM balls and Roaches in ranked. He hops on Skype, drunk and slurring, to play SC2. He had just come from a party. I took the game seriously none the less. I wanted to win, just once. The match started and I heard his 200 APM saying hello to my 70 APM on our keyboards over Skype. I had been slowly improving but it didn't matter. He would micro me to death, just as he had always done. I did everything the guides said to do, it made no difference. He always had more units and he controlled them better. His MMM balls floated and stung while mine had Parkinson's. Attack move into rage. As I picked up my keyboard keys off the ground, I thought to myself, he can't drive himself home, he can't talk straight but he is just massing tier one units, not even trying to kill me. We both quit SC2 after. He got bored with the game and I was too demoralized to continue. He loved to smash scrubs and laugh at them when they got mad but playing against me he said, completely sincere and unmockingly, was like kicking a puppy.
This aspect of talent versus training has puzzled my brain for years. Why am I mediocre in gaming while my best friend is not? Why does he have higher ratings in less time and effort than me? Was he really born with God given talent while I was not?
I am in Silver league in LoL and the same deficiencies I had in SC2, CS 1.6, WoW Arena are here as well. I can only get so high in rating before my brain and my fingers become roadblocks. People like to talk about build orders, wards and objectives but information about league is ridiculously ubiquitous and the Pros have figured it out for us. My Vayne or Zed has the same runes and masteries and the same starting items as my Platinum and Diamond league counterparts and I build correctly because again. Doran's, BT's, BotRK's and PD+LW for tanks did not take me too long to figure out and support is even more skill intensive because there are no builds to think about per say, just wards and press your buttons at the right time. My issue is to think quickly and move quickly. The people whose brains process information faster and execute faster will be in higher leagues, period. How are their brains doing this? Why can my brain not do this? Earlier in the year, I moved from Bronze 1 to Silver 1 promo's in a weekend of no sleep and straight Adderall. It was just an experiment just to see what would happen as I had never taken the stuff before but it was illuminating to say the least. I 'saw' what to do ahead of time, every time. I would play champs I don't play, build non-optimal builds and destroy. I wasn't warding more. I didn't care about objectives because my decision and reflexes were so sharp that I wasn't missing CS and I knew how and when to kill the guy I was laning against, my skillshots were practically aimhacks and my 'decision making' time was so fast. After that weekend, I went back down to Silver IV.
How do people maintain that level of mental acuity, focus and concentration all the time??
The reason for the essay is to acknowledge there is such a thing as talent but not to defeat myself with the idea. I had talent as a good speller because, I think, my mom read to me and thus I really loved to read. I also had an Encyclopedia set that I spent hours reading everyday because I love to read and think about big ideas and learn. I think that my friend was so good at PC games because he just owned PC's all his life. He never owned a console ever and his mom forced him to learn piano at young age. He doesn't like to play but the few times I watched him play I noted his finger dexterity is very impressive to me. Way better than mine may ever be. I could only 'keep up', as in keep him from not walking over me in SC2 by drinking Coffee and Monster. Normally my mind is cloudy and even in real life, I make more human errors than I would like to admit. Also, and most tellingly, people who move from game time game and genre to genre do tend to maintain the same level of play across the map. We all know Marine King Prime who just move from SC2 and is now a noob to LoL isn't going to be in Silver or Gold for very long. So how did any of you develop, or improve upon, that kind of natural, and basic mental alertness needed to make decisions, generally, without the use of drugs?
No | needed. Thank you for reading! |
avboden | changemyview | t5_2w2s8 | t3_1off27 | I completely understand supporting students with learning disorders through high school. A high school degree is so incredibly vital that a learning disorder should never prevent someone from obtaining it. I can even understand helping them out in undergraduate university. However when it comes to graduate school I believe the school has a responsibility to produce good graduates, not pander to those that can’t handle it no matter the reason. I know we have people from different parts of the world so by graduate school, I mean a professional level school like medical school, veterinary school, law school, anything after you get your first university degree.
I’m in veterinary school right now. There are students that have to take exams by themselves and they also get twice as long. That just doesn’t make sense to me. If you can’t take an exam with everyone else, you sure as hell won’t survive in a stressful situation in which you have to make life and death decisions with tons of people around you. I just don’t believe that we should be making exceptions for learning disorders when a huge part of graduate school is proving you can handle the stress.
So reddit, change my view. Why should graduate schools bother helping those with learning disorders?
Edit: I'm here and reading responses and responding when I can. I don't have much more time (need sleep) but I will certainly get through everything when I can. I wanted to make a few clarifications...
i'm not calling anyone stupid. Many of you have mistaken my post as claiming those with learning disabilities are for some reason intellectually inferior. This was not my intent. My post is purely about performance.
I certainly did lump a lot of disorders together and this makes the debate quite difficult. I also failed to mention that I will really be looking at this from a medical profession point of view. Yes, I'm sure there are professions out there where many of these disorders wouldn't be a hinderance towards performance, my apologies there.
I also put far too much weight on the "stress" aspect. That's just one particular example. Many disorders have various problems and stress isn't always one of them.
Edit 2: I wanted to share the one delta i've given out so far. The general point was that on true time/demonstration based exams that occur later in clinical type years of schooling, they are not allowed to accommodate if it will fundamentally change the exam.
Edit 3: THANK YOU! I forgot that part earlier. Thank you everyone who took/are taking the time to respond.
Edit 4: Second delta given. The post was a story of a man's wife and how she became a computer programer, was good at it but took a lot longer than everyone else because of her disability. She stayed in jobs long enough to get promoted and then was fired pretty quickly for not meeting deadlines and such. She went back to school and truly learned to work with her disability and figured out a field it would work with (service working). For this field she also would need accommodation in school, but it would work out. Much better in the end. He ended his post with this
>I think there are many accommodations that are useful, but there are instances were no amount of accommodation will help. Having professionals realistically discuss options based on skill set is best for everyone involved.
My | response to this was that in the end, the laws are far too broad. However more good is likely to come of them than bad. Those that fail in the profession do just that, they fail. But more are likely to succeed if they chose a proper profession than than fail. It would likely be far too difficult to change the laws in a way to diminish the failures, they're going to happen. I should really be focussing on the successes. Just because they will likely fail in my profession doesn't mean the laws are overall a bad thing. I wouldn't necessarily say view completely changed, (I still think in my specific school the accommodations are a bad thing) but my overall view has certainly widened. |
webinbinder | gaming | t5_2qh03 | t3_1ofzgl | Reddit noob here, I didn't know where else to submit this, but if there's a better subreddit I trust everybody will point me in the right direction.
As a gamer looking to be more productive, I've come across many "gamification" websites, programs/apps, excel sheets, and the like. What I've found is that the leveling for these systems is most akin to DnD. While that's fine and dandy, I don't believe that it's the best method for charting real life progress. In my opinion, the best game to mirror is Runescape (remember that one?). For those unaware, I won't explain but to say that each skill (cooking, crafting, combat skills) levels independently, and your character level is derived from your levels in all those skills. In RS it's just based on combat I believe, but for this use it would be all skills. For example, just because I'm level 60 in cooking doesn't mean my character is level 60 or somewhere close. Ideally, each skill could have its own task list, or a single task list would only advance the linked skill. If a system like this doesn't exist, would there be any interest besides my own in helping build/draft one?
So, | does anyone know of any Runescape like productivity or gamification programs/systems?
Edit: Format |
JungleCheets | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1ogzoh | So I have been browsing this subreddit for well over a year now, and have seen many amazing artists, designers, etc. speak of wanting to work with Riot.
But here is my thing, I would love to work for Riot, it has always been my dream to go into either Shoutcasting or Analysis of Sports/Esports (Dating Back To CAL Leagues With CS 1.6), but I don't have college experience. What I do have is Military experience. I am currently active duty USN and I guess the | is does Riot look at Military experience the same as many other companies do and consider that a plus or acceptable source of experience when applying?
Thanks Guys! |
Tyndall_Effect | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1oh4cf | Okay, so. I stopped playing League about 3 months ago or so. I didn't post anything then because I didn't want it attributed to having a bad day.
With that being said, I could no longer tolerate the toxic attitudes from teammates despite the high quality game that Riot continues to provide. It was a personal decision and I'm still happy I made it. The game had just gotten to the point where it was no longer enjoyable. The point of this post, however, is that Riot is a business like any other. People keep complaining about things, but yet people keep playing. If the environment is really THAT bad, you'd quit like I did. If Riot sees that, I'm sure they'll take it a lot more seriously.
I stayed subbed because I do like seeing some of the highlight videos every now and then. I'm also waiting for a sign that the game has gotten better as far as the person to person environment is concerned.
I dunno, maybe if enough people turn off the game, there will be an improvement. Although, if people keep playing and participating, why on earth should riot take any of these complaints seriously?
I guess | if its that bad, stop playing. I did and I'm happier for it. |
[deleted] | relationship_advice | t5_2r0cn | t3_1oisu3 | After a night out I see my sleeping boyfriend’s phone light up on the coffee table while I'm watching tv. A preview of a text appears from a girl’s name saying “when can I see…” I can’t read the whole text, and I think for a moment whether or not going into his phone and reading the text(s) is a good idea, because I will LIKELY see something that makes me mad, and I will LIKELY take it out on him. All this is being processed in my brain’s center of logic, where I can practically hear myself telling myself these things… “you WILL get upset”, “You WILL see something that makes you mad”… so, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I look at his texts, and lo and behold I see that he has been talking to a girl, more than one, in a very flirty tone, even talking about when they can meet, and how he thinks she's hot and her body parts are nice, etc.. I don’t read them all, because it’s time for me to fulfill my next prophesy: “I WILL get upset”. At the time, I did feel a little upset, but mostly at myself for looking. I felt like I recognized that looking would upset me, and yet I did it anyway, and I wasn’t sure why I would punish myself for that. However, he is historically very flirty, has told me he's "not very virtuous" and I've confronted him about "trying" to hook up with girls before (he says he tried a couple times early on in our relationship, but it didn't "work", and insists he's only slept with me even though we weren't exclusive in the beginning - we are now). Anyway, I broke a cup and went to sleep.
I told him about it the next day, and how I broke the cup, he asked me why I did it. “Why did I look?” I asked, shaking over breakfast. “No, why did you break that cup?” he asked. I didn’t have a good answer. He put his arm around me later, hesitantly, and then sensing I was not angry he gave me a big hug and a kiss, and we went on to have a great day together – better than usual, even. I worried for a moment that he was appreciating the ability to be off scott-free from the cheating/texts, but something told me he knew that it was not over. I was just willing to put it on the back burner and let him think about it.
My thing is now, I don't know how or if I should broach the topic with him. It feels like something is lingering in the air. I messed up because I was snooping, and I didn't catch him "red handed"... at the same time I don't appreciate him "trying" to hook up with girls, and don't want him to feel like he needs to hide or lock his phone because of me. What is the most delicate way to handle this? HALP!
( | snooped through BF's phone, found sexy texts, wished I hadn't, told BF, nothing was resolved, need resolution/advice on how to approach) |
[deleted] | tifu | t5_2to41 | t3_1okc4z | A tifu that actually happened today.
Well i have a crush in my school that is almost exactly like me and of course i fell in love with her.Here comes the problem i am a total chicken and of course i can't talk to her and i think she was in love with me and now i think she is in love with another guy :( | fell in love with a girl she is probably in love with another guy |
Xc0liber | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1om7vb | hi gents, working on an assignment and I decided to create a blog about LoL. Just wrote something about elo hell and wanted to share it. Just my opinion about its existence.
article | elo hell mentally exist |
delahunt | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1on6k4 | Just what is the skin team working on lately?
Back before we had 100 campions there would be a new champion every 2 weeks almost like clock work. That new champion, up until Varus, would have 2 release skins and there was regularly 2-3 other skins that would hit the store at the same time.
Then, with Varus, they dropped it to one release skin with the champion with the idea being that they could do 2 "ok" skins or one "really good" skin. Results on that vary depending on your preferences (Elise for example is amazing, while I'm not so sold on Nami's skin being enough different. Kha'Zix doesn't count since his release skin was a 1350, though it is a cool skin.)
Since then though skin production seems to have slowed down. We're down to a new champion a month instead of every 2 weeks, champions only get 1 new skin, and it is rare for there to be skins released with a champion. We have essentially, it seems, gone from 4-6 skins (including the base skin for the new champion, mind) every 2 weeks to maybe 3 a month.
Now with the Harrowing we've gone from 4 new skins to 2, and both these skins aren't Legacy skins or otherwise special. They're just skins being released in turn with the Harrowing.
So what are they working on? Certainly Riot doesn't have all their skin team folks working on the visual update skins (though, granted, champions like Garen and Sivir have a LOT of skins needing updates). It also seems strange considering that skin purchases seems to be Riot's primary income source considering skins are the only part of the game you need to drop RP to get.
<b> | b> We seem to get a lot less skins now than we used to. What are the skins team working on? Also, I'm slightly disappointed we only get 2 harrowing skins, neither of which are "special or legacy" when we traditionally got 4, but that is beside the point. |
decca7 | leagueoflegends | t5_2rfxx | t3_1oo9fz | I simply believe a diamond V player should not receive the same rewards as a diamond I player (call me greedy if you want). I'm sure everyone knows that the difference between the two mentioned ranks is not only the skill level, but the amount of work put in to achieving that high or higher of a rank. In other words I think it takes more work/effort to get to diamond 1, than diamond 5 or 4, so there should be some sort of compensation or extra reward for that extra amount of work you've done.
It doesn't even have to be anything big, just an indicator that you finished at Diamond Division "x" or Bronze Division 4 in Teemo's Crusaders.
The reward itself could be on the border trim on the loading screen or even on the reward/tier specific summoner icon you get for end of the season rewards.
I think it's funny that there's literally no reward for getting a higher division in a tier other than self-accomplishment. How should someone that's diamond 5 be awarded the same EXACT rewards as someone that's diamond 1? If you think about, you can see that it's a bit unfair in a way. This could also give people that are content on eternally staying at division 5 or that have been boosted up there an incentive to move up; because realistically there's no point to move up unless you want to cross to the next tier because you will still get the SAME rewards no matter what division you end up in. I realize that this applies to diamond players more than bronze/silv/gold/plat players. Which, in the case of a diamond player, is pretty difficult considering the whole challenger ordeal is a huge mess, because moving up through d1 is extremely difficult(for normal solo q players).
Downvote my opinion if you want, but I just think there should be some reward for that extra work put in to attaining a higher division.
Edit: | there should be some reward for that extra work put in to attaining a higher division |
iamanis | Fitness | t5_2qhx4 | t3_2ut2y8 | I've been lifting and exercising for over a year now. Lost a lot of weight, but I never got great results as far as muscle growth and tone. I'm chalking it up partially to that I don't have the right equipment at home and could never up my weights throughout the p90x and x3 programs. Shoulders were always done with 10lbs, arms were with 20lbs usually.
So, I went to the gym today to try to up my weights and use the machines for back work outs. I'm still bad a pull ups so I use the weighted machines for that. Problem is, I found that I burned out pretty quick. Maybe I'm just having an off day but this sucked and was a shot to my ego.
I guess the | question is, how do I up my weights without burning out half way through the workout? |
smithethan | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2uwf6t | I (21 M ) My ex (18 F) broke up 2 months ago . she said i was the best boyfriend she ever had and said there's always light in the end of the tunnel and she hopes im there when she reaches it.
part 2 | so what im asking is it true that all ex girlfriends come crawling back . |
[deleted] | relationships | t5_2qjvn | t3_2uytxs | So to be honest this is meant to be cathartic but I also really think it will help me to hear outside thoughts because I can't bring myself to talk about this, full story, with anyone I know.
So I met this guy on Tinder 5 months ago. Right from the get go we got along super well, talked all day every day pretty much since we matched, like not constantly but an ongoing conversation. I really thought that I was just wanting to have fun with somebody and not take things to seriously, he had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship a couple months earlier and said he just wanted someone to talk to and fool around with. We met up and hung out two times before even kissing, we actually made a special we are going to make out today date.
He was charming and funny and easygoing, I was a little weary at first of the whole thing but once we started hanging out I was smitten. It was supposed to be kind of a friend with benefits thing, but then the makeout date after we were done he asked me if I wanted to go get food and we talked at dinner about how with his ex they always split everything and how he was really money contentious and I told him I was more be conscious but not too worried about money and that I was partial to alternating picking up the tab on dates. I absolutely don't think the guy should have to always pay but by alternating it still feels like you're there together. And that night he insisted on paying and that's when I knew deep down that I wanted to really date him and it gave me hope. I kept it to myself though, I didn't want to scare him off or rush anything.
As time went by though we continued talking constantly and sleeping together, although we would always pair it with another activity and it just started to feel like we were together. Even after an incident when we had made special plans and gotten a hotel, he, not thinking anything of it, showed me a tinder match he had gotten. His pictures did not reflect him well a they were quite old and he didn't get many matches. Well this really upset me, I know that I didn't have a right to be mad at him but I felt really hurt and when I finally admitted this to him after some time he offered to delete Tinder and be exclusive with me, not Serious but exclusively in-between.
After that it got to be too much for me, and this is where I know things especially went wrong and where I know I should have stopped for my own well-being and it probably would have been best for both of us but I was getting anxiety about him all the time. I couldn't reconcile in my mind how we could be intellectually, physically, and even now emotionally invested in each other and not be a couple. I became so overwhelmed I ended it twice but lost my resolve hours later. We began talking about it more and more because I wanted to find an understanding that would make it okay and he would always exam that I was what he needed but that his last relationship left him feeling anxious about getting into another one.
Finally in November I knew I could not deal with it anymore and I told him I couldn't keep doing what we were doing unless he committed to me. I really thought it was going to be over but he came back and said he wanted to try. I realize now I should have never done that, just because he said he would try doesn't mean that those anxieties and whatever was holding him back before disappeared. It kept plaguing our relationship, he admitted anxiety over planning dates, and this was on top of schedules that really only overlapped on the weekends or late evenings. I kept feeling anxious because I knew that he wasn't really mine, despite how much he talked to me and how much he tried to reassure me and make it better I just couldn't feel comfortable and stable in it and neither could he.
And it broke my heart and still does because I adore him so much, he really became my best friend. He was always there to talk to and help me to work things out or even just feel better and the sex was fantastic, I just feel like we were so close. But then he also wasn't a super romantic guy either, I don't think he once called me beautiful and didn't spend much time affirming his affection for me, it was more like best friends who had sex which should be great in theory but it just didn't feel so great.
Meanwhile my mom tells me that she doesn't want me seeing him because he doesn't go to university like me, but we agree that I just won't talk about it to her and I can continue which works for a while but it adds to my stress and anxiety. And it's affecting my school, I'm having trouble concentrating on my studying and I know I should just give it up but I can't bear the thought of being without him. That's the anxiety in the first place, either recognizing or imagining that he isn't really committed to a relationship with me, and me ending it would just actual use being without him.
But then the absolute disaster strikes, I'm about to go out with him and my mom calls me and says that if I go with him I have to move out, that she thinks he's turning me against school and against her when he did neither of those things, he was nothing but supportive in both cases and my issues with school were my own anxiety. I couldn't stand the idea that I couldn't see someone because they were "beneath me" and I just cracked and went anyways. I went through most of the date trying to be normal but finally halfway through the movie I broke down and I tried to run away but he followed me and I told him everything.
He comforted me and talked me through possibilities but when he went to take me home I had been locked out. So that night he took me to stay with him, which was sweet but very awkward as he still lived at home and I hadn't met his parents before. The next day I went home and my mom told me I had to give her all my electronics and I wasn't allowed to see or talk to him again. After some discussion and intervention from my brother it was changed to a month but as time went on and we continued fighting she admitted she never meant to let me see him after a month.
I did start talking to him again after two weeks, but we decided to break up, it was too much conflict. But I really couldn't stand the idea of being without him, especially with the conflict between my mom and I, about things that she thought concerned him but didn't, I just really needed somebody to be there for me and support me like he had been, before him I had never opened up to anybody about anything really and never felt like I trusted them. So we talked and I said I wanted to try to pick up our original arrangement, and he agreed, starting with talking.
And then after one particularly bad fight with my mom I called him and he told me he couldn't deal with it anymore, that I couldn't talk to him about it. I had never felt so absolutely alone but at the same time I understood, January was filled with more conflict and emotional turmoil than I thought possible and it wasn't his problems to be burdened with.
But I worked it out with my mom after that, knowing that my family was the most important thing, the only assured support I had. And we kept on with talking and sexting and then when we broke up I had said that we didn't even get to have break up sex, and he brought up that we should do it. I thought it was like a joke because we had been picking back up everything else, with some awkwardness and offness granted but still trying and moving forward with it. But I admit I was anxious the whole time, worse than ever before, he went to a party the day after we broke up and started his tinder back up as a game with his friends and kept that going and I knew we weren't technically exclusive but it still kind of hurt. And then he would not respond quite as readily as he did before and not as eager to sext, I know now it was in response to my increased neediness and somewhat passive aggressive attempts to be his friend and not his girlfriend. One day I got upset to him when we were in the middle of sexting and he told me I could then do whatever I wanted, which had never happened before and I felt very unwanted and got upset with him over it. He told me it frustrated him that I would question it as I often did and to just trust that he did, I acknowledged it was a fault of mine to always assume that and promised to stop but he also promised not to start and then suddenly stop with me.
After that it just got worse and worse though. I said I might want to hold off on the weekend when we were planning to spend the night together and do the "break up" sex thing but once we talked it through I wanted to but he said he had made plans which I knew was an excuse and so I pushed him on it and we talked and decided to do it. And that night was great, it was so amazing. But then the next day he said he thought we should hold off on sex for a while which really upset me and started another fight and then he said just talking, with the fighting that's all he felt comfortable with right now. To be friends first.
But that's the problem, I don't think I'll be okay with just being his friend. But if I think to when we were "happy" I wasn't entirely happy. And it's the same problem just aggravated, I feel like he's not really in it even though he says he was and that it was just the fighting that put him off. I know I have trouble trusting him but I don't know if that's me or the situation and that he isn't really putting himself in a position for me to have trusted that he was trying and wanted that.
It doesn't matter anymore we had a massive fight in the weekend and he set a two week break before we can even talk. And I couldn't even do it the first two days. I did it yesterday and most of today but then, and I knew it was such a bad idea the whole time, I tried to go see him after work to bring him dinner which anyone can see is the stupidest thing to try to do, I just felt like I had to do something, but it backfired so bad with him yelling at me and telling me how close he was to a breakdown and that he is thankful I want to make it better but I have to give him space for the rest of the two weeks. Why can't I do that? It's so straight forward and obviously not respecting what he asked is just making it worse, the first time I texted him I feel somewhat justified because it was after some reflection and things I needed him to know but even then. I feel like subconsciously I'm being self-destructive about this, like I really want out, but I feel like I would miss him so much, like a part if me would be gone. And I honestly feel like a crazy person, like to the point that I actually am considering going to the doctor to see if everything is working right. I just want to make it better so bad and have a good relationship with him but I feel like it's so broken now and it was never really solid from the beginning. I just need to hear some other people say what they think I should do, even if I already have a good idea.
** | met a guy last august, friends with benefits to a relationship but never really felt loved, but still had great moments, shit went down and now I feel crazy and broken and don't know how to fix it or if I should even try. |
TheAnneThorne | sex | t5_2qh3p | t3_tdhio | I've finally gotten around to initiating plans forcasual sex with a friend I've lusted over for a few months. He's 6' 2" around 300 lbs, and I'm 5' 7" and 130 lbs.
He asked if I was into anything in particular, and I replied "anything pleasurable" and asked him the same question, to which he responded "eating girls out, feet, and ass." | hate my own feet, and don't know how to give a rimjob. |