jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Aw, old man Burns is gonna kick off if he doesn't get some Double-O-Negative blood, but nobody at the plant has it.
Bart does.
Woo! Yes! All right! Woo! Congratulations, boy! You've got a date with a needle!
Hey, wait a minute. I don't have to give blood. I have rights, you know.
Yeah, you have the right to remain silent.
Bart, you have to help someone in need. It's the only decent thing to do.
Bart, it's not like I'm asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy! You're a little young to understand this, but when you save a rich man's life, he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Is it a Bible story?
Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. And all the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough. So they got Hercules, and Hercules used his mighty strength, and bingo. Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big thing of riches.
How did a lion get rich?
It was the olden days!
Hey, let's go! Emergency! Life-or-death here!
Just a sec, man!
Whoa, Otto-man! You work here?
Oh yeah! During the day, all my friends are in school, so I got a job as a Certified Bloodletting Tech Dude.
Now let's get the show on the road.
Okay. Let me wash up.
Homer, brave young Bart. I don't know which one to hug first.
Eh.... the boy.
We're ready with the transfusion.
Smithers, I'm not going to make it. I want to dictate... my epitaph.
Charles... Montgomery... Burns.
Um, hmm.
American Patriot
... American Patriot.
Master Of The Atom.
Scourge Of The Despot.
"O Tyrant Hear His Mighty Name And QUAKE!!" Smithers, I'm back!
Oh, top o' the mornin' to ye! Why, look who's here! It's good old... you!
Hi, Mr. Burns.
Oh, hey, there, Mr... Brown Shoes! How about that local sports team? Hm?
Mr. Burns... he's okay! Jackpot!
Aye, caramba!
Heh-heh-heh! Well, that's game! Hasta manana, Osvaldo!
Smithers, I'm back in the pink! Full of pith and vinegar!
Just remarkable, sir.
You know, it's funny, Smithers. I tried every tincture and poultice and tonic and patent medicine there is. And all I really needed was the blood of a young boy. By the way, what was the lad's name?
Uh, Bart Simpson, sir.
He's the son of Homer Simpson. One of your stiffs in Sector 7-G.
Well, the Simpsons will be getting a very nice surprise in the mail. Very nice, indeed.
Bill... Bill... Summons... Bill... Wait a minute. From C.M. Burns? Is this it? Yes, this is it! Woo-hoo! Woo!
Marge! Lisa! Maggie! Let's do this out in the yard where the neighbors can see!
Lisa, dim the lights! No, turn on more lights! But do something!
Yes, Dad.
It's a little thin, but that's okay, could be a check.
The meaning of what?
"Better half," Marge. "Better half."
All right, there's no check, just a card. But don't panic. I'm sure it tells us what we're getting and where we can pick it up. "Dear Bart... Thank you kindly for the blood. Yours truly, Montgomery Burns." It's just a card!
This is some way to show your gratitude. No gold. No diamonds. No rubies. Not even a lousy card. Wait a minute, there was a card. That's what got me so mad in the first place.
Homer, you don't do things like that to be rewarded. You do them because a fellow human being needs a helping hand.
Marge, you're my wife and I love you very much. But you're living in a world of make-believe. With flowers and bells and leprechauns, and magic frogs with funny little hats...
Yeah, Mom. We got hosed!
We got exactly what we wanted out of this: We gave an old man a second chance.
I promised my boy one simple thing: Lots of riches. And that man broke my promise. Well, I've had it! Bart, take a letter.
"Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glaaad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your caard was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink!" Could you read that last part back to me?
You stink.
Good. "You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl arms... and you smell like..."
An elephant's butt?
An elephant's butt.
But he's your boss. Do you have to mail it right this minute?
You're still angry, Homer. Why don't you sleep on it?
Forget it, Marge!
Please, Homie? For me?
Oh, all right. You always do that hand thing! And it usually works.
Cheap son-of-a...
Homer... Breakfast is ready.
Hmmm...
Oh, Marge, you saved me from making a big mistake. Y'know, I finally understand the meaning of mmphm hnmph.
Oh... thank you.
Where's the letter?
Where is it?
Homer, I don't think it's in the cornstarch canister.
Well, it's somewhere! It didn't just get up and walk away!
Bart, have you seen the letter?
All right, think very carefully. Where did you see it last?
The last place I saw it...
Uh huh.
...was in my hand...
Yeah...
...as I was shoving it into the mailbox.
Why did you do that?
Dad, there were things in the letter that had to be said. And I know you. You're an emotional guy. Just because you were mad last night, is no guarantee you'd be mad in the morning. So I...
I'll show you mad in the morning.
Homer, you encouraged him. You should be strangling yourself.
She's right. Okay, think, Homer. Don't panic. They don't pick up the mail till noon. There's still time!
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Give it up, Homer. It's locked up tight.
Locked, eh? Well, I just might have a little surprise up my sleeve for old Mr. Lock. Step aside, boy.
Hey, I'm with you, Homer. Fight the power!
Why the hose, Homer?
What does it look like? I'll get our letter so wet, the ink will run and no one will be able to read it.
Yeah, but don't other people have mail in there?
So a few people won't get a few letters. Boo-hoo. You know the kinda letters people write: "Dear Somebody-You-Never-Heard-Of... How is So-and-So? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yours truly, Some Bozo." Big loss.
Now Bart, you keep an eye out for the mailman. Just give me some kind of signal.
Dad, the mailman is here.
That's a good one. We'll use that.
No, I mean the mailman's here.
Dear God! Are you planning to water the mail?
Uh, uh I-I guess it wouldn't do any good to run, 'cause you're our mail lady and you know my name and address and everything, huh?
That's right.

Aw, old man Burns is gonna kick off if he doesn't get some Double-O-Negative blood, but nobody at the plant has it.

Bart does.

Woo! Yes! All right! Woo! Congratulations, boy! You've got a date with a needle!

Hey, wait a minute. I don't have to give blood. I have rights, you know.

Yeah, you have the right to remain silent.

Bart, you have to help someone in need. It's the only decent thing to do.

Bart, it's not like I'm asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy! You're a little young to understand this, but when you save a rich man's life, he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?

Is it a Bible story?

Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. And all the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough. So they got Hercules, and Hercules used his mighty strength, and bingo. Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big thing of riches.

How did a lion get rich?

It was the olden days!

Hey, let's go! Emergency! Life-or-death here!

Just a sec, man!

Whoa, Otto-man! You work here?

Oh yeah! During the day, all my friends are in school, so I got a job as a Certified Bloodletting Tech Dude.

Now let's get the show on the road.

Okay. Let me wash up.

Homer, brave young Bart. I don't know which one to hug first.

Eh.... the boy.

We're ready with the transfusion.

Smithers, I'm not going to make it. I want to dictate... my epitaph.

Charles... Montgomery... Burns.

Um, hmm.

American Patriot

... American Patriot.

Master Of The Atom.

Scourge Of The Despot.

"O Tyrant Hear His Mighty Name And QUAKE!!" Smithers, I'm back!

Oh, top o' the mornin' to ye! Why, look who's here! It's good old... you!

Hi, Mr. Burns.

Oh, hey, there, Mr... Brown Shoes! How about that local sports team? Hm?

Mr. Burns... he's okay! Jackpot!

Aye, caramba!

Heh-heh-heh! Well, that's game! Hasta manana, Osvaldo!

Smithers, I'm back in the pink! Full of pith and vinegar!

Just remarkable, sir.

You know, it's funny, Smithers. I tried every tincture and poultice and tonic and patent medicine there is. And all I really needed was the blood of a young boy. By the way, what was the lad's name?

Uh, Bart Simpson, sir.

He's the son of Homer Simpson. One of your stiffs in Sector 7-G.

Well, the Simpsons will be getting a very nice surprise in the mail. Very nice, indeed.

Bill... Bill... Summons... Bill... Wait a minute. From C.M. Burns? Is this it? Yes, this is it! Woo-hoo! Woo!

Marge! Lisa! Maggie! Let's do this out in the yard where the neighbors can see!

Lisa, dim the lights! No, turn on more lights! But do something!

Yes, Dad.

It's a little thin, but that's okay, could be a check.

The meaning of what?

"Better half," Marge. "Better half."

All right, there's no check, just a card. But don't panic. I'm sure it tells us what we're getting and where we can pick it up. "Dear Bart... Thank you kindly for the blood. Yours truly, Montgomery Burns." It's just a card!

This is some way to show your gratitude. No gold. No diamonds. No rubies. Not even a lousy card. Wait a minute, there was a card. That's what got me so mad in the first place.

Homer, you don't do things like that to be rewarded. You do them because a fellow human being needs a helping hand.

Marge, you're my wife and I love you very much. But you're living in a world of make-believe. With flowers and bells and leprechauns, and magic frogs with funny little hats...

Yeah, Mom. We got hosed!

We got exactly what we wanted out of this: We gave an old man a second chance.

I promised my boy one simple thing: Lots of riches. And that man broke my promise. Well, I've had it! Bart, take a letter.

"Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glaaad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your caard was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink!" Could you read that last part back to me?

You stink.

Good. "You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl arms... and you smell like..."

An elephant's butt?

An elephant's butt.

But he's your boss. Do you have to mail it right this minute?

You're still angry, Homer. Why don't you sleep on it?

Forget it, Marge!

Please, Homie? For me?

Oh, all right. You always do that hand thing! And it usually works.

Cheap son-of-a...

Homer... Breakfast is ready.

Hmmm...

Oh, Marge, you saved me from making a big mistake. Y'know, I finally understand the meaning of mmphm hnmph.

Oh... thank you.

Where's the letter?

Where is it?

Homer, I don't think it's in the cornstarch canister.

Well, it's somewhere! It didn't just get up and walk away!

Bart, have you seen the letter?

All right, think very carefully. Where did you see it last?

The last place I saw it...

Uh huh.

...was in my hand...

Yeah...

...as I was shoving it into the mailbox.

Why did you do that?

Dad, there were things in the letter that had to be said. And I know you. You're an emotional guy. Just because you were mad last night, is no guarantee you'd be mad in the morning. So I...

I'll show you mad in the morning.

Homer, you encouraged him. You should be strangling yourself.

She's right. Okay, think, Homer. Don't panic. They don't pick up the mail till noon. There's still time!

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Give it up, Homer. It's locked up tight.

Locked, eh? Well, I just might have a little surprise up my sleeve for old Mr. Lock. Step aside, boy.

Hey, I'm with you, Homer. Fight the power!

Why the hose, Homer?

What does it look like? I'll get our letter so wet, the ink will run and no one will be able to read it.

Yeah, but don't other people have mail in there?

So a few people won't get a few letters. Boo-hoo. You know the kinda letters people write: "Dear Somebody-You-Never-Heard-Of... How is So-and-So? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yours truly, Some Bozo." Big loss.

Now Bart, you keep an eye out for the mailman. Just give me some kind of signal.

Dad, the mailman is here.

That's a good one. We'll use that.

No, I mean the mailman's here.

Dear God! Are you planning to water the mail?

Uh, uh I-I guess it wouldn't do any good to run, 'cause you're our mail lady and you know my name and address and everything, huh?

That's right.