April 20, 2012: Cringeworthy moments! 

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Cringeworthy moments.  You know what I’m talking about, those singular instances in your life – sometimes painful, sometimes embarrassing, always impossible to forget – that, when recalled, incite the sort of response commonly reserved for that part in the horror movie when the bad guy/monster/ghost/possessed grandmother crosses the line from horrifying to Oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-they-just-did-that!  The mere recollection can cause you to wince, curl your toes or, in my case, force the thought from my head by humming an improvised tune.  It’s one of those moments in life that sears itself into your subconscious, forever threatening to rise to mind unannounced like some leviathan from the deeps or the chorus to Britney Spears’ Womanizer. 

There was that time in high school I dropped off a jacket at the dry cleaner’s.  As I stepped through the front door, I was instantly smitten by the girl behind the counter.  She was gorgeous.  So gorgeous, in fact, that I was positively tongue-tied.  She prompted me for my name, the number of items I’d be dropping off.  With some effort, I was able to come up with answers to both questions – then even managed a little small talk.  Pleased with myself for laying the groundwork for a future relationship, I said goodbye and headed out.  I went to open the door.  It wouldn’t budge. “ Excuse me,”I heard her say.  I pulled harder.  Still no go. “ Excuse me,”she repeated.  The last thing I needed was instructions on proper door opening.  I pulled even harder.  Nope.  Then realized.  I pushed.  Ah! “ Excuse me!”  I could ignore her no longer.  I glanced back, threw her a look as if to say: “Yeah, I got it.  Thanks.”  She pointed to the jacket I was still holding: “Uh, aren’t you going to leave that here?”. “ Oh.  Oh, right.”  Every time I think of that moment, I cringe. 

Or there was the time in elementary school where my gym class was setting up a trampoline.  As we were unfolding the apparatus to lock it into place, it sprang back and landed on my arm, snapping the bone in two places.  The palm of my hand was flattened against my wrist.  It was horrific.  And, every time I think of THAT moment, I cringe. 

And then there was today when I was out for a walk with Bubba.  He did his business and I rewarded him with a treat.  I went to pick up his poop on the lawn, then turned to pick up a forlorn nugget sitting on the sidewalk – which he, for some reason, assumed was a treat I’d mistakenly dropped.  He moved lightning fast, snapping it up before I could reach it.  It took a couple of seconds for the realization to dawn at which point he dropped it, foaming at the mouth, and threw me a look that, I have no doubt, said: “Please, for goddsake, give me a treat so I can get the damn taste out of my mouth!”  Every time I think of THAT moment, I’ll cringe. 

37 thoughts on “April 20, 2012: Cringeworthy moments!” 

Yes, I’m having a cringeworthy moment right now.  I’m sitting at a minor league baseball game, and my team is losing 4-0.  They’re changing pitchers now though so maybe we can salvage something.  Have a great night!! 

I’m usually pretty quiet, but I could not resist telling this once embarrassing and now funny story. 
It all started at the beginning of fourth grade.  Our teacher made it very clear no one was to leave the classroom for any reason.  Sure, I could do it, no problem… or could I? 
Time presses forward and at around 15 minutes until recess, Mother Nature began to let her presence be known.  I squirmed and wiggled.  I tried to make it, but that wasn’t an option. 
I quickly got up and walked that certain uncomfortable walk out of the classroom to the nearest restroom.  There was a small problem with that: the restroom was apparently closed due to wet paint. 
Are you kidding me?  The pressure was building and a decision had to made fast. 
I know!  I’ll go to the office and use that one.  So that’s where I w..e..n..t… .  I didn’t make it.  Relief came end route.  I arrived at the office and the secretary asked,”Hi young lady.  How may I help you?”  I just wanted my mommy at that point. 

Joe, my entire life has been one huge cringeworthy moment.  Sometimes it’s because of something embarrassing I’ve done, but mostly it’s my mouth.  When I get nervous I get diarrhea of the mouth, and I inevitably say something that just comes out in all the wrong ways.  Just tonight – TONIGHT! –  we went out to dinner (for the folks 56th anniversary) to the restaurant where George used to play.  Vicki insisted on treating us.  Afterwards, we’re chatting about my folks anniversary, and I blurt out, “Yeah, 56 years!  I can’t believe mom hasn’t killed him yet!”…to a woman whose companion of 14 years passed away just a week ago.  Ugh.  I wanted to die.  I cringed all the way home, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.  😛

There are so many moments like that I couldn’t even begin to name them all.  I’m a bit sleepy, too, so I might have to think about this more in the morning.  However, there is one other cringeworthy moment I can share.  Back when I was about 13 mom let me go to a ‘big kids’ party with my 18-year old sister.  The kids were between 17 and the early 20s.  It was an old timey party, with the parents present and everyone just sitting around chatting and eating and having a good time.  Well, I was a VERY shy 13 year old, and I was doing my best to fit in with the older kids while at the same time not being noticed by any of them.  Everything was going just fine until one of the older boys decided to pick me up and swing me over his shoulder – right in the middle of everyone – and when he did, I…ya know…farted.  LOUD.  😳 Decades later and I still not only cringe when I think about it, but I wanna puke, too.  😛

Bubba is a funny guy!  I laughed so hard at his poop-as-treats story.  I put out of my mind any cringeworthy moments.  If I remembered them I’d go insane.  Most happen in my dreams, like showing up at church or school naked. 

I received Dark Matter 4 on Tuesday.  I finally have time to sit down and enjoy it.  I’ll let you know if Dark Matter 5 is a must. 

I have a few of those moments I suppose, but they’re all from when I was younger.  And honestly, I don’t really remember the details of them since I’ve pretty much put them out of my mind as “water under the bridge.”  I suppose it’s possible I’m still having them, but don’t realize it.  As I get older, I’m finding I care less and less what people (at least strangers) think.  So, if I do something momentarily embarrassing, I quickly shrug it off as “if the people matter they’ll already understand, and they don’t – well, too bad for them!” 

As far as the dog poo treats, a friend of mine has a dog (no not the golden doodle one, this one’s a Samoyed) who for the first couple of years really DID consider that a treat.  Talk about a bad breath problem! 

Went to Lynn Canyon today for a hike.  What a beautiful area!  It also looks much like many other planets in our galaxy.  Or so I’m to understand… ;).  Then I was off to the Museum of Anthropology at UBC and finally here at the airport.  I can’t believe I’ll be home tomorrow! 

Oh wow, so many I can’t begin to tell you.  It’s usually my big mouth getting the best of me, but this one was my dad’s. 

When I was 17, Dad and I were in Coral Gables, FL, meeting my friend Patricia and her mom for lunch prior to my spending the weekend at their house.  Pat showed up before her mom, and we were standing around, waiting for her mom.  Suddenly, my dad saw a woman walking towards us and said “Look at that woman, she looks like something out of a horror movie!  Hell, she looks like a badly made-up hooker!”,  to which my friend replied “That’s my mom.”  I still spent the weekend at their house, only to have Pat’s boyfriend hit on me incessantly (and obviously) and made me feel terrible.  Never saw Pat after that weekend.  Wonder why… 🙂 Oy. 

Here’s Riley, hunting tennis balls and toys.  She’s learned how to sit on command, still has a problem with her name, is sort of getting the idea that pee and poop belong outside and is kicking my butt on a daily basis.  🙂

Oh, God, all the time, But I strongly black them out after about two days of running them over and over in my head so I’m currently, blissfully, ignorant of any.  But really, I’m a walking embarrassing moment waiting to happen.lol

I’m not sure if this fits as cringe worthy, but at the time, it created a feeling of sheer horror.  I had gotten home from work and taken over daughter minding duties for my wife who left on errands immediately when I walked in the door.  Our daughter was in the 5-6 month age range at the time.  My first goal was to change out of my work clothes into something more suitable in case spit up occurred.  I brought her into our bedroom with me and placed her in the center of our queen sized bed with several of her favorite toys.  She was quite content sitting there watching me as I took off my shoes, coat, tie, and shirt.  Then, just as I had my pants half way down with one foot in the middle of the pant leg, she bolted on all fours for the edge of the bed.  I reacted immediately and went straight to the floor due to my entangled pants and watched her tumble the three feet to the floor landing directly on her head.  Fortunately, we had deep shag carpeting with lots of padding and she was fine.  She didn’t even cry.  Thinking about the situation doesn’t make me cringe, but thinking of the sheer horror I felt at the time certainly does. 

@ Deni – My dad had a moment like yours.  It was years ago, and he was talking to a couple he met at a bar.  They got to talking about local business owners, not just about their businesses but also about the health and well-being of those owners.  Dad says, “You know so-and-so?  Wow, she was beautiful back in the day, but you see her now?  She’s really gone to pot”, to which the woman replied, “Yeah, I know.  That’s my mom.” 

Yeah, dad still cringes about that one. 

I’m awake now after getting out of bed only to notice that my menu on DirecTV wasn’t showing listings for the upcoming games on the rugby channel (490).  It had been showing this morning, and I had matches set up to record, but now all it said was ‘to be announced’.  So I pick up the phone at 1:30 am, and all groggy-like I call DTV and sleep-talk to tech support.  Afterall, rugby is about the only reason I still have satellite.  It was a good thing I called, because now I know that a ‘to be announced’ glitch can be fixed by resetting the machine (I didn’t realize it was a glitch in the first place – thought it had something to do on DTV’s end, not mine).  Also, the match I’m waiting for comes on at 3:30 (Crusaders v Hurricanes), and I would have been pissed if I had missed it. 

HOWEVER…since we did the whole family dinner thing tonight, I didn’t get to watch matches I already recorded in order to delete them to free up more space for recording the rest of the matches airing over the weekend (my Tivo is about maxed out).  So I’m doing that now.  🙂 Aaah!  Nothing like sitting up in the middle of the night, watching sweaty, smelly great big blokes in short shorts and stripey knee socks jumping all over one another like a pack of rabid dogs after a slippery piglet!  😀

And now I’m WIDE awake!  😀 … I mean, 😛 . 

Okay, back to those cringeworthy moments.  I’ll spare you (and me!)  the stories about kissing dudes I wish I hadn’t, and the other half-dozen or so infamous surprise fart moments, but I will share a moment that is cringeworthy for me even though it was something my husband did. 

Many moons ago a young boy went missing in our area.  He’s still a ‘kid on the milk carton’, never found.  A year or two after he went missing friends of ours moved to the street where the kid lived, and hubby and I spent many evenings there, helping them fix up their new house.  One time hubby and I drove to the end of the street, and there we saw a house with a bunch of heavy metal biker-type dudes hanging out, and I said (reflecting on this bunch and the missing boy), “I hope this isn’t a bad neighborhood.”  I was just thinking out loud, and certainly not passing judgment on the community. 

Well, a week or two later we’re back at our friends’ house, working.  Just as we were getting ready to call it a night and leave, a loud noise – like a gunshot – pierced the air.  We all just froze, eyes wide, staring at one another.  Deafening silence, they call it.  And then Mr. Das piped up, “Weeeelll…someone said this WAS a bad neighborhood”, to which the husband indignantly queried, “Oh, yeah?  WHO?!” 

My husband quickly obliged. “ Uhhh…mmyyy…wife?”  he offered, as all eyes turned a chastising glare my way.  ACK!  And UGH!!!  I could have crawled under the carpet, right then and there… right after I killed my husband. 

Even though we tell this as one of our funny stories, it stll makes me cringe everytime I think about it.  I wish I could have grabbed his words and shoved them right back into his mouth…or somewhere else.  😛

Thoooooose moment?!?!  Riiiight. 
Well not to long ago, after I started my internship here I called to the sound box of a 50.000€ computer system that it’s ANNOYING!  Playing the same shitty music tune over and over it really was annoying.  Sadly I didn’t notice a very nice colleague of mine whistling behind me to exactly that tune, thinking I meant him. —_____— http://brutalgamer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/picard-facepalm.jpg

When my grandfather was laid to rest (my he rest in peace) we had lunch afterwards.  In a conversation with ALL MY FAMILY AND RELATIVES around the table my aunt said something like: ” It’s good that you’re having such a fine humor at times like these” all smiley and I said right at this instant “riiiight, otherwise ya couldn’t survive it.” 
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?! 
I still want to punch myself for it really badly -__-

I really hate events like funerals or marriage or any other ‘event’.  I’m really not made for that.  Otherwise I’m actually good with ppl…or so I thought. 

Another time I went with a colleague to a friends house.  She had told me before that her parents were out on vacation.  So when I rang the bell I expected only her at the intercom.  I shouted “WE WONNA SEE YOUR HOUSE”….  Her mother replied, ” Uhm, excuse me?!?!!”.  My friend burst out into laughter behind me leaving me stumbling over my own words ” Sorry!  We’d like to see Serina” (my friend)…..geeeeeeez.  Apparently her parents had returned not very long ago. 

Normally I’m really easy going with those cringing moments, because when it happens to me I feel at easy because everyone of my friends is laughing.  I like to see them laughing.  I like to think that it’s all that counts right then and there, but yea.  They still come up making me cringe when I really don’t need it…

Oh the usual – knicker elastic broke and they fell down – asked someone when the baby was due, only to be told it had been born x amount of weeks before, probably asked Michael Shanks for too many hugs at Conventions and the list goes on..

Did manage to leave the cat food out once so that my son aged 18mths could grab it through the baby gate bars and proceed to eat it too…

Back in highschool some friends were over, they were waiting for me to get ready sitting with my parents watching tv.  Previously I used to always put the speaker phone on and make fun of my little sister when she didn’t know I was listening…

So my girlfriend at the time called.  We started talking about what we were going to do, and some other things… like what we were going to do with each other. 

I came downstairs and my Dad, friends, and sister were all smirking and my Mom looked p’d off.  Then I saw that my sister was standing beside the phone.  She had turned on the speaker phone and they heard everything I said. 

—————————————

Again in highschool, I always had trouble with Math.  I was getting tutored by another student in the school library.  I wasn’t really paying attention looking around while she tried to explain some problems. 

She poked me in the side to get my attention.  I jumped in the chair and let out a loud fart that echoed through the library. 

Everyone in the place started laughing.  I tried to say it was the chair. 

—————————————–

Years back toboganning at a local park I had this inflatable thing with handles.  It wasn’t actually a tube with a hole in the middle but shaped like one with handles.  The things probably illegal now.  It went down the hill like chevy chase in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. 

So I went down the same time as my friends.  When you’re at the top of the hill and look down sometimes it hard to tell that someone else had built a small ramp… I didn’t notice it at least. 

I was going down looking to my right at my friends when suddenly I was airborne.  I’m in the air and I was in the air long enough to ponder “wow I’m in the air a long time.” 

While flying through the air I began to realize that when I landed I was f–ked.  I figured if I put my hands out I’d break something in my arms so I hugged myself landed on my shoulder and rolled a number of times.  I felt a sharp snap in my shoulder area. 

I stood up and couldn’t move my right arm at all.  My friends ran over with alarm on their faces.  I asked them to look at the area of my shoulder where it hurt.  They helped pull my jacket and sweater aside. 

Downside of a broken collar bone if you’ve never done that.  You had to wear this bra type thing that held your shoulders in a position that looked like you were puffing your chest out.  I had to wear it all the time to set the bone.  That and all those people who pat you on the shoulder to say hello. 

I’m enjoying “Cringe Moments” day.  Like Das, I have so many cringe moments they blend together.  I guess that is why my embarrassment threshold is so high now. 

I’m a little ADD, so I have lots of “going out in public with my clothes inside out” stories.  At one time, I was juggling one full time and two part time jobs.  So, sometimes, I would show up in Kung Fu class with my uniform on backwards or buttoned up wrong.  Even now, my hubby has to check my karate gi see if it’s tied correctly and right side out.  Kind of like what gforce described. “ They will or they won’t”. 

Deni and Das: I loved your dad stories! 

lt2369: I believe most parents have a head dropping story like that.  It still makes me cringe. 

One time my hubby was dropping my, then , 7 year old son at his school.  It was right after a holiday and I checked the school schedule to make sure they were open.  My hubby dropped my son off but doesn’t stay to watch him walk in. ( His school liked to have the kids walk in by themselves to promote independence.)  Well, that was an “first edition” schedule for the school and they were actually closed.  My hubby drives off to work and my son is freaking out because he can’t get in to the school entrance.  Thank God that the church secretary was working (it was a church that hosted the school) and she called me.  Makes me cringe just thinking about it.  When I was 7, bad things happened to kids but it “seemed” safer.  My dad was always forgetting to pick me up after school.  So I would have known what to do because it was a regular occurrence.  My son and I had a talk about “what to do” when things came up in similar circumstances.  I made sure to pack a few dollars for emergency phone calls and such.  Our son is 16 now, so he survived our ineptitude for this long.  Whew! 

There’s a competition picture of me in a magazine somewhere where I’m getting kicked by what appears to an impressive, big air flying kick to the head.  What really happened was I was skilled enough to risk glancing contact in favor of getting the right distance to knock the player out of the air before she could land.  So, no stance recovery, no point and it didn’t phase me, but it looks in the magazine like I totally got owned. 

@gforce — Had to laugh about your friend’s dog, the Samoyed who ate poo for a treat!  My doggie grrrl was a Sammy (see avatar), and while she didn’t eat poo, many Sams of fellow owners did.  Especially the dogs who had “their” own pet cats.  Seems they would go trolling the kitty litter pan for offerings that had rolled in the crumbly coating and dried to a delicacy.  If the owners weren’t vigilant, the Sammies would scarf up the “kitty roca” and root around for more. ( So named because of the resemblance to “almond roca.”) 

Sams also have a “paper” gene that makes any kind of paper irresistable, newspaper, junk mail, tax forms(!!!),  you name it.  Luckily for me, the tax forms had not been filled out yet (before online filing).  However, here’s the cringe… When puppy grrrl was 3 or 4 months old, I left her in the bathroom for the day.  The food and water bowls, toys, and chewy bone proved to be insufficient amusements.  I had forgotten about the bathroom trash… How to be delicate?  The little darling had found a used cotton object the shape of a firecracker (complete w/ fuse), and about that color.  Um, yes, your guess is probably correct.  😳

To this day I’m hoping it was the toilet paper swaddling the object that was the temptation.  Miraculously, the following day everything proceeded out the nearest available exit, wholly intact!  Can you imagine asking God to give your puppy a smooth move?  My mom and I did.  At the time I was horrified, worried that I would lose my baby to infection, bloat, or intestinal blockage.  Today it’s hysterical, but I can still feel my face turning red. 

Moral of the stories: Never turn your back on a smart, or bored (!)  dog. : smile
And always, always hide your kitty litter and bathroom trash.  😳

When I was young, Me and a friend signed up to perform something on stage in front of pretty much half the town, I can’t say what it is, Because we didn’t plan nor rehearse anything beforehand.  It was the longest on stage performance of my life, Also probably the last.  At some point the people in charge just asked us to leave the stage.  I’ve managed to block it out, But sometimes I’m still suddenly reminded by it and it does make me cringe.  Sadly, It’s not the only event in my life that makes me feel like that 🙁

So much for my promises about reading every day again (cringe-worthy moment).  I hate promising things I can’t deliver on. 

@Cheryluva — Love you.  I wish there was something I could do to change things for you. 

@GForce — Finally a picture with a name.  Hope you had fun.  Watch–the day I can afford to go back to Vancouver, Joe will have moved elsewhere. 

@Akemi Happy Belated Birthday.  But if you are like me, you celebrate a full week before and a full week afterward. 

Cringe-worthy moments.  SO MANY.  SO MANY.  One old one: I was a pre-teen and we had these swings at my apartment complex.  They didn’t make logical sense how they were supposed to work.  There was a pole in the middle.  There was a T-bar that extended from that bar and from those bars extended swings with the big plastic band as the seat cushion.  How two swings were supposed to move in the same forward fashion made no sense.  So we developed something called “flying.”  The person doing the pushing would put the band around their stomach area and grab onto the pole.  They would go around and around pushing the person just sitting on the swing so fast that they were almost in a parallel line with the T-bar.  Then, you ran quickly out, the force would pull you up and then down and then up and then down as you were going in circles.  This one time though, the swing seat decided to break and the only thing that came down was my head onto the railroad ties that outlined the swinging area.  Got a nasty concussion from that.  I had memory loss, the works.  I lost memory for the immediate seconds prior to the event, so I can only imagine what I looked like.  My friends helped me home (and the door key went into my leg and gashed it open because I put it in my sock for good keeping).  I called my mother at work.  By the time she got home, I couldn’t remember calling her.  At the doctor’s office a few hours later I couldn’t remember what day it was.  Scary stuff, but that cringe-worthy is what my skull must have sounded like against the railroad ties. 

Another cringe-worthy moment involved a car accident in 1992.  I was in daily physical therapy for 6 weeks, and then slowly weaned down over a few months after that (in total, in physical therapy from May until the beginning of October). 

Another cringe-worthy moment involved that spider bite on my arm last summer/fall.  I still have nerve pain from the operation that followed. 

@mannas7mom: My friends’ Samoyed was exactly the same with their cat.  It was a bit of a race to the litter box after it was done.  As far as I know though, she seems to have outgrown that, although I think she still has a tendency to eat/swallow just about anything. 

@PBMom: Lunch with Joe was definitely one of the highlights of my trip, but there’s still lots of other things to see in Vancouver.  It’s a beautiful place and there’s tons to do there! 

@gforce I went to Vancouver in Aug 2001.  Wanted to move there.  We stayed at a hotel right on the edge of Stanley Park near the water (can’t remember the name of it).  Beautiful city, friendly people.  We visited Grouse Mountain and that rope bridge — can’t remember the name of that.  I can’t believe I crossed it only to be told the only way back was to cross it again.  And went up to Whistler.  Considered doing the XFiles tour but it sounded way overpriced.  We only had 3 days there and had to head back to Seattle for the rest of the trip. 

Years ago when I was in an airport I had to manoeuvre a new umbrella I’d bought, along with two cases.  It was one of the traditional long brollies, so I bent down slightly to get the bags and put it under my arm before I lifted…

When I tried to lift the bags I couldn’t, so I tried again.  Confused I looked behind me.  The end of the umbrella was under a man’s crotch… I smiled before I carefully moved away and looked for the biggest hole I could find. 

I was watching the local news and they were showing workers and animal organizations and officials working at a person’s house.  The person had several dogs living in horrible conditions inside the house.  Something like 40 dogs living in there, some in cages, all not fed, and all never going outside.  The dog excrament was several inches high on the floor inside the house. ( Unfortunately, we have heard this story too many times.  The homeowner should be shot!)  The workers were bringing all the dogs out and finding some dead inside.  They all were wearing cloves.  The news station was interviewing an official about what they had found.  In the background I saw another worker who had a cage with a dog inside in one hand and without thinking he pulled his glove off his free hand with his teeth.  I cringed, I’m sure he did too once he realized what he had done. 

The second story happened at work.  My old boss was like the lady in The Devil Wears Prada.  Very prim and proper, she was old yet tried to look and act young, Always dressed real nice and thought all the guys at work loved her.  She was tough to work for.  Everything had to be her way, in a particular way only.  She could be very critical of others. 

One time she was returning on a Monday morning from a weeks vacation.  She came in the office, and me and another person greeted her warmly (welcome back, you were missed) and I watched her go into her office.  I stood outside her office listening to her talking about her vacation and letting her catch us up on herself.  She was standing behind her desk talking.  Without thinking she picked up a tall dark colored glass on her desk and had a sip.  I stand there watching, no reaction from me, but I want to see what she does because she did not bring that glass in with her this morning.  Whatever was in it was left over from 8 days ago when she was last in the office!  She immediatly made a little face, put the glass down, and put her hand up to her mouth.  But she never said anything.  I didn’t either.  I just watched the show. 

I was doing laundry downstairs.  I had four children at the time.  I could hear two week old Chris crying so I hurried the last load and headed for the stairs.  What seemed strange was the crying seemed to be getting closer.  My mind could not grasp the reason. 

Just as I reached the bottom of the stairs so did three year old Melanie holding Chris out to me “Baby crying Mommy!” 

I calmly took the histerical baby…who by the way had been carried by his sister in a football hold.  She was obeying the rule of holding onto the railing. 

I sat on the nearby couch calming Chris… CRINGE!!! 

Chris had been asleep in a full size crib.  Now I guess it is pretty easy to imagine a three year old climbing in…but every time my mind goes to how she got herself out with the baby I CRINGE!!! 

Chris is now 6’2″ and survived his three older sisters and two younger ones.  I always thought it would be a miracle if they all survived each other.  They are all grown up so I guess it is a miracle. 

Chris and his wife will soon be having their second daughter.  I think I’ll remind him again of the adventure.  Something tells me he will feel the cringe with me now that he is a parent.