Lahore: Former Pakistan cricket captain, Misbahul Haq, has decided to take back his decision to retire from One Day Internationals (ODIs). 

Talking to the media in Lahore, Misbah said that he was inspired to come out of his short-lived retirement from ODIs after watching MQM leader, Altaf Hussain, take back his resignation (as party leader) for the 79th time. 

Over the last year or so, the MQM chief has resigned and then taken back his resignation for at least 79 times. 

Misbah asked: ‘If a politician can do it 79 times, then why can’t I for just this one time?’ 

Misbah announcing his retirement from ODIs …

… Misbah taking back his retirement. 

The news drew mixed responses.  Though the MQM chief welcomed Misbah’s decision and expressed his happiness that a great cricketer had taken his example as an inspiration, he warned his party leaders to investigate the matter because Misbah’s statement too may be a way to sideline the MQM in Karachi. 

Talking to DAWN on the phone from London, Altaf said: ‘It … (15-minute gap) … is a … (18-minute gap) … very … (17-minute gap) … happy development …. ( 18-minute gap) … But …. ( 21-minute gap) … what was I saying?’ 

He was reminded by party leaders: ‘Bhai, you were talking about Misbah’s decision …’

‘Haan … yes … Misbah … from Mianwali … like Imran Khan … (14-minute gap) … Imran Khan … Mianwali … Punjab … Rangers … Misbah … hockey … (line breaks) … toot, toot, toot …’

When we tried to contact him again, his party leaders insisted that the line had not broken.  But after our reporters pointed out the ‘toot, toot, toot’ sound, the leaders explained that it was just Bhai singing. 

Altaf responds to Misbah’s statement. 

Meanwhile, the world’s leading cricket analyst, and once Pakistan’s fastest bowler ever, Sikandar Bakht, has criticised Misbah’s decision to come out of retirement. 

Also read: I am not the devil: Misbah

In a TV show that he hosts with two other leading cricket analysts – Shoaib Ahktar (once famously nicknamed the Rawalpindi Sweating Machine), and M. Yousuf (once known as the Raiwind Panther) – Sikandar said that Misbah is setting a bad example for young cricketers.  He then demanded that the PCB contact the ICC, who should contact the Scotland Yard to investigate the matter. 

‘Look at me,’ Sikandar added, ‘I retired when I was at my peak.  I had taken over 700 wickets with my raw pace and demonic swing …’

When a caller reminded Sikandar that he only took a handful of wickets before he was dropped, Sikandar told the fan that this was not true and that it was Misbah who had changed the record books to make him (Sikandar) look like an ordinary medium-fast bowler. 

1979: Indians try to figure out the mysteries of genuine fast bowling from a young and strong Sikandar. 

M. Yousaf agreed: ‘Yes the PCB is trying to tamper with the record books on the behest of Misbah.  All this is part of a complicated plot against former greats like Siku Bhai, Shoaib Bhai and me bhai.  Misbah should be tried in a military court for hurting the sentiments of trillions of our fans out there …’ Yousaf added. 

Shoaib Akhtar quipped that though Misbah was a year older than him and he respected him like an uncle, it is a shame that instead of bowing out at the age of 40, he has decided to take back his resignation. 

Shoaib said: ‘This is an insult, an outrage, a calamity, a tragedy … a … huff huff, huff … let me catch my breath … huff, huff, huff … a disaster, a catastrophe, a … huff huff, huff … water, water, water, please, want water …’

Shoaib Akhtar (aka The Rawalpindi Sweating Machine). 

The most curious statement on Misbah’s decision came from former Pakistan swing bowler, Sarfraz Nawaz, who believes that Misbah’s announcement is connected to the present crisis in Yemen. 

Talking to DAWN, Sarfraz said: ‘It all makes sense: Asif Iqbal and Gavaskar started match-fixing in 1979 and that led to the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan that triggered Miandad’s dubious six in Sharjah in 1986 when I retired from cricket, which then led to the demise of Ziaul Haq in 1988 and prompted England to throw away the final of the 1992 World Cup against Pakistan, making a small boy in Lahore very excited and jumping up in the air and landing on a butterfly which affected the ecosystem of Lahore that impacted the ecosystem of New Delhi that made a strange wind blow that made Azharuddin, Salim Malik and Hansie Cronje fix matches in India whose army invaded Kargil in 1999 inspiring the Houthis in Yemen 10 years later to start their own movement making Saudi Arabia ask for Pakistani troops and putting the Pakistan government in a quandary, to distract people from the Yemen conflict, raided MQM offices in Karachi instigating Altaf to resign for the 79th time and then take back his resignation for the 79th time and if you add 79 with 79 and subtract 89 and divide the resultant number with 79.79 you’ll get 1979 – the year it all started with Asif Iqbal and Gavaskar fixing matches …’

Sarfraz Nawaz explaining how everything in cricket is one big conspiracy. 

DAWN also contacted Imran Khan – former Pakistan cricket captain and Chairman of the Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf (PTI) – and asked his views on Misbah’s decision to come out of ODI retirement and that too after being inspired by the retiring/not-retiring ways of the chief of the MQM – a party that is the PTI’s arch-rival in Karachi. 

‘Is this conversation being recorded …?’  Imran asked our reporter.  When told that yes, it was, he asked: ‘By whom …?’ 

The reporter informed him that he was recording the conversation so he could quote Imran accurately, to which Khan said: ‘No, I mean, who else is recording it?  ISI?  IB?  MQM?  PML-N?  PPP?  ANP?  KFC?  Who?’ 

The PTI was recently hit by a scandal when a taped recording between Imran and his dentist was leaked to the media.  In the leaked convo, Imran had allegedly expressed his satisfaction over last year’s mob attack on PTV’s offices in Islamabad. 

When assured that no one else was recording the call, Khan finally decided to speak:

‘Daikien, aap koh nahi pata … Misbah was a good cricketer and he comes from my hometown in Mianwali, but he is over 40 and should have retired and joined the PTI.  We always welcome young people into our party.  And he should also make sure that … what was that?  I heard a click?  Someone is recording this conversation.’ 

Our reporter again informed him that he (the reporter) alone was recording the conversation and that even if it was being recorded by someone else, it was just him talking about Misbah. 

But Imran began to shout:

‘Oyyyeeee, Misbah, sun lo!  You will get nothing by recording and leaking this convo.  You are Najam Sethi’s agent, everyone knows that.  Why would you be inspired by a thug of Karachi, oyyyeee …!  Leaking phone conversations is unethical, but you Dollar-khor PCB puppet, what do you know about ethics …!’ 

When reminded by our reporter that it was he (Imran) who had leaked the news about the allegedly controversial conversation (on BlackBerry) between former Pakistan Ambassador to the US, Husain Haqqani, and a dubious Pakistani-born American, Khan replied:

‘Daikien, app koh nahi pata … sirf mujhey pata hai … I did that for national interest.  You see, everything unethical done by the PTI is done for national interest.  Anything unethical done by anybody else, is, well, unethical.  Get it?  Dollar-khor reporter.’ 

Khan serving national interest. 

The other two major parties, the PPP and PML-N, have welcomed Misbah’s decision. 

Some believe the ruling PML-N is contemplating sending Misbah to Yemen (via Saudi Arabia) to slow down the rapidly escalating conflict there through his characteristic batting style. 

However, Defence Minister Kwaja Asif has denied the news: ‘No, we are not sending Misbah to Yemen.’  But another PML-N Minister confirmed it: ‘Yes, we are sending him …’

The truth is, the government sounds rather ambiguous on the issue, despite news that PM Nawaz and the Saudi King discussed the matter on the phone in which the PM assured the Saudi king that Misbah would indeed be sent to Yemen. 

The prime minister also assured the King that all of the King’s ten dozen or so sons (princes) and twenty dozen grandsons (future princes) will be given licences to hunt as many Houbara Bustards as they want in Pakistan.  In fact, since the population of Houbara Bustards has been drastically going down In Pakistan, the prime minister has advised Khwaja Asif to import 6000 Houbara Bustards from Africa so the Arab princes can come here and shoot them. 

Defending his decision, the PM told media-men: ‘We have good reason to believe that the Houbara Bustards are Houthi agents …’

Joint Pak-Saudi action hunts down numerous Houthi agents in Pakistan. 

On the other hand, co-Chairman of the PPP, Bilawal Bhutto, said: ‘Misbah, khapay, khapay, khapay …!  His footwork is great.  That’s why he has over 5000 goals in ODIs …’

After this, we deemed fit not to strain Bilawal’s brilliant grasp of cricket.