"So you-- you took a chance on being happy, even though you knew that later on you would be sad." " Yeah." " And now... you're sad." " Yeah." " So..." "What, what, what's the problem?" " I'm too sad." " Look, I..." "I liked the feeling of being in love with her, I liked it." " But now she's gone and I miss her and it sucks." " And I didn't think it was gonna be this bad, and I feel like, why even be happy, if it's just gonna lead to this?" " It's wasn't-- it wasn't worth it." " Boy, misery is wasted on the miserable." " What?" " You know, I'm not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot." " You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that's what it was all about?" " That was love?" " Yeah." " This is love, missing her." " Because she's gone, wanting to die, you're... so lucky." " You're like a walking poem." " Would you rather be some kind of a... a fantasy?" " Some kind of a, a, a Disney ride?" " Is that what you want?" " Don't you see, this is the good part." " This is what you've been digging for all this time." " Now you finally have it in your hand, this sweet nugget of love." " Sweet, sad love and you wanna throw it away." " You've got it all wrong." " I thought this was the bad part." " No!" " The bad part is when you forget her." " When you don't care about her." " When you don't care about anything." " The bad part is coming so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for God sakes." " Pick-- here, pick, pick up the dog poop, would you please?" " Lucky son of a bitch," "I haven't had my heart broken since Marilyn walked out on me since I was..." "I was 35 years old." " What I would give to have that feeling again." " You know?" " I'm not really sure what your name is but you, you may be the single most boring person" "I have ever met." " No offense, give me my dog, come here." " You, you, you've, uh..." "Don't fall down." " Look, um, look, the last time that I saw you, you told me that you were interested in maybe pursuing like a guy, girl thing with..." "Well, so, I was thinking about it." " And, uh" "Oh..." "Oh, so the, the thing with that lady, it didn't work out and now you've come sniffing around me." " Is that the basic outline of... this thing here?" " Yeah, that's basically it." " Well, sorry." " Ticket's no longer available." " That ship has sailed, the option is closed." " But you said that I got under your skin and that you were thinking of us" "Yeah, that was before, and you didn't bite." " The cookie is gone." " Jesus, why are you so mean to me?" " Why do you like it?" " Okay, okay." " But you said" "Oh." " Oh, yeah, you better get that." " Maybe it's your balls calling from wherever they went." " Heh-heh." " Shut up." " Hello?" " Hi, Mrs. Frame." " Okay, that's fine." " Oh-- what, you" "Yeah, but you s" "Oh." " Yeah, I mean, thanks for letting me know." " Yeah." " Great, great." " What?" " My-- my babysitter just cancelled." " I have two shows tonight and I have the kids." " So, I'll watch your girls, go do your shows." " Are you being serious?" " Yeah." " No problem." " Thank you, thank you." " I don't give a shit who he is." " He stole from us and now he's out there working?" " That's not gonna fly." " That's what I said." " I'm not tolerating it." " So what are you gonna do?" " He's -- dead, that's what I'm doing." " You wanna go that way?" " Yeah, I wanna go that way." " He's dead." " Who do you wanna-- I'll do it myself." " Meet me there at 12:00 and, uh, you can help me get rid of him." " Your face!" " Shut up, shut up, Jesus!" " Oh!" " How many people here-- okay, by applause, think that you are going-- if you're going to heaven, applaud if you think you're going to heaven, anybody?" " Couple of people-- few people." " Yeah, you think you're going to heaven?" " How old, how old are you?" " 28." " You're 28 and already..." "you're a lock for heaven, you're totally-- already at 28." " You've done enough good in your ten adult years that you couldn't possibly make a mistake that's gonna" "Oh, no, that's-- well, enjoy it." " I hope you like" " I don't think there's a heaven." " I think there may be a God but I don't think there's a heaven." " I think that's the best news you're gonna get." " When this is over, is you-- hey, God?" " And He's like, "Yup."" " And you're like, "Where's heaven?"" " And He's like, "I don't know who told you that shit." "" That's crazy." "" What, you think I made a whole universe" ""and then a whole other amazing place" ""forever after that?" " How much do you want from me?" "!"" "" So where do I go?"" "" Just stand in this room."" "" I don't like it." " How do you think I feel?" " I've been here since 1982."" " I like the idea that there is a God but only since 1982." " Like, He started in 1982." " And what did He even do?" " The "Back to the Future" movies, uh, He worked on those." " Otherwise, He's been pretty much the same." " I don't know if there is a God." " That's all I think you can say, honestly." " I mean, you could say there is a God if you believe in it." " That's-- you could just get to say it 'cause you believe it." " You can't argue with somebody's beliefs." "" I believe in God."" "" No, you don't."" "" Yes."" " I mean, it's faith, it's not science, it's faith." " I envy people who have faith, that wake up in the morning and there He is." " They're like, "Ooh, hi!" " That's so nice that you came again today."" " He's always there." " I don't have that, I wake up and there's nobody." " It's just my bad breath and my garlic penis." " It's-- it used to be at least a boner that-- all right, let's get going." " But it's just...." "So..." "But I don't think you can say that there's no God, uh, 'cause that takes a lot of-- boy, that takes a lot of confidence to say, "Nope, there's no-- definitely not a God."" "" How do you know?"" "" Just 'cause, uh..." ""doesn't seem like there's one." " So... uh, there's not one."" " How can a human being think that they know that there isn't anything?" " I mean, you're a human-- you can see for a hundred yards, tops." " How could you possibly know..." "God might be right behind you all the time, just like..." "I think if there is a God, it's probably not the one the way they describe Him in the Bible." " They say He's our father and we're his children." " That's a weird story." " He's our father and we're His children." " Where is our mother?" " How could we-- how could we not-- what did He do to our mom?" " Something happened." " Somewhere in heaven there's a porch with a dead lady under it." " I think, I think, God-- it was, uh, if there is a God," "I'd-- at the-- at the least, he has an ex-wife." " Maybe that's what it is, God's divorced." " And it's a-- we're in-- like, this is our weekend with God." " It feel like a long time, but this is just our weekend with Dad, and then he's gonna take us to Mom's apartment." " And she's gonna be sitting there kind of nervous." "" I made you a cheese sandwich."" " And we're like, "I don't know you, bitch."" " I think that, uh, I think that we made God a man because we wanted men to be in charge, so it made sense." " 'Cause it doesn't make sense that men are in charge." " It makes sense that women would be in charge." " Because your mom is the first person who takes care of you." " So how-- you'd have-- it would just make sense that mothers would run the world, and, uh, they don't-- it's the opposite." " So we have this weird system of, uh, you know, men being" "It's kind of upside down." " I think the reason is 'cause women were in charge long time ago and they were really mean." " They were horrible." " And they would-- you had to walk around naked and they'd flick your penis and laugh at you." " So we're so scared of them." " And then finally, one guy punched a woman and she was like, "Whaa!"" " And he's like, "We can hit them!"" " And then that was it." " That was it." " And so now we're so afraid of women, that's why-- 'cause women are really kept down, uh, even today." " Uh, a lot of people like to argue that things are equal, but they're really not." " And American history hasn't been kind to women." " Women couldn't vote till 1920, how crazy is that?" " Do you know who the first President is... that women voted for?" " It was Mike Chapritemps, I don't know." " Uh, I have no idea, but, uh..." "They couldn't vote till 1920 which means America wasn't really a democracy until 1920." " You can't call it a democracy if the whole sex of women can't vote." " That's" " Jimmy Carter would not sanction that election." " That you would let zero women vote." " That means American democracy is really 93 years old." " That's really how old it is." " There are people in my building older than American democracy." " Women-- until recently, a woman was just her husband's property." " Her name was Mrs. Fred Johnson." " That's what a woman's name was." " Not even Lori Johnson." " She was Mrs. Fred Johnson." " Like, "What's your name?"" "" Fred Johnson fucks me occasionally."" "" Really, that's, that's..."" ""Yeah."" " Guys used to-- a lot of guys still beat their wives." " At least now it's frowned upon." " And really, that's about it, just, hmm, just frowning." " That's what we do about it." " But it was so okay to beat your wife until so recently, that there's a kind of shirt named after it." " We have a kind of shirt that we affectionately nicknamed after beating the shit out of your helpless, captive wife." " And everybody uses this name." " I was watching "Good Morning America."" " This cute woman was like," ""So I was wearing a wife beater."" " Stop saying it like it doesn't mean anything." "" I was wearing a wife beater and child murder shorts." " And I looked so cute!"" " I told him, I said this is-- this is the last time I will allow that to happen, 'cause I'm not" "I'm not born to sit there and listen to that." " Sit there and lie, you know?" " That's not why I'm here." " And, and, and I got two weeks to get it straight, two weeks." " That's, that's like... it's practically impossible." " You gotta line everything up." " And then-- that's the last time, I told him." " I said, "That's it, that's it."" " Last straw, you know?" " You know, 25 percent of them are liars, that is a scientific fact." " They're liars, there's no reason to believe anything they tell you." " I'm gonna look out for my own interests." " That's what makes sense to me." " You know, I mean, you know, I'm not gonna sit there and let them keep talking to me like that and lying to everybody, right?" " I'm gonna, you know-- there's only so much I can take." " They pushed me too far." " And too far is too far." " Please don't start jerking off, I'm awake." " Um..." "Hey." " Um, was everything okay with the kids?" " No, they're both dead." " I'll see you later." " Okay, well..." "Your kids are great, by the way." " They're both better than..." "Jesus." " Well, I" "No, no, stupid." " All right, I'm sorry." " Listen, I, uh..." "What are you coming ov--?" " Look, no, no, it's oh" " I just..." "Okay, well, bye, now." " Pamela." " No, bye-bye." " Bye, now." " Pamela." " Louie-- I just wanna" "I'm really late for... not being in here right now." " Wait, wait, wait, wait, look, listen, I'm, I'm" "What, no, no-no-no!" " Just-- No!" " Come on, come on." " No." " Come on." " No." " Come on." " Just" "No, I don't like that." " I just" "Oh, my God!" " This would be rape if you weren't so stupid!" " God, you can't even rape well." " Hey, listen to me-- hey." " Look at me." " Please?" " You-- you said you wanted to do something with me." " And I don't believe you that the ship has sailed." " See?" " You want to do some-- you wanna try something but you don't... know-- you can't, for some reason, you can't." " So I'm gonna take control." " And I'm gonna make something happen." " You said you wanted to be-- do-- be in a thing." " Yeah, but does kissing have to be in it?" " Yeah, that's 'cause people, that's a people-- do that." " People do that, okay?" " I'm gonna" " I'm gonna kiss you now." " Ew." " Okay, I'm gonna-- Maybe, I don't know." " I'm gonna do-- I'm gonna do it, okay?" " Oh." " Okay." " Hurry up." " Here I go." " Okay." " Thank you for..." "the that." " Sorry." " Okay, bye now." " Yes." " Okay, where are we now?" " What?" " Where are we?" " On the bus." " Lily, you're gonna be taking this bus alone soon." " You need to be aware." " What if the bus broke down right now?" " And you had to get off, where would you be?" " It didn't break down so it's fine." " Just, please, look out the window." " We're at 23rd Street." " Good." " So?" " Okay, so... so what street is your school on?" " 28." " 28, okay, so if you're at 23rd Street and you have to get to 28th Street..." "Daddy, is Pamela lady your girlfriend now?" " What?" " Is Pamela your girlfriend?" " No." " But..." "Who's gonna pick us up from school today?" " Your" "Your mom." " Daddy." " What?" " Is Pamela your girlfriend now?" " Listen, girls..." "Okay, when you're with me..." "Yeah?" " And then you're with your mom, and you talk about when you were with me." " You want us to lie to Mom about Pamela." " Jesus Christ, hey, buddy, hey, hey!" " Don't spit on the bus, what's wrong with you?" " Come on, shut up, man." " No, I won't, you're-- this is a community bus, you don't spit." " I thought I said shut up, you trying to disrespect me?" " I-- yes, I am, because you spit." " Stay over there, man." " I am over here and that's a disgusting..." "Hey, hey, hey!" " Hey, what's the commotion back there?" "!" " Yo, this guy back here spit on the bus, man." " Don't spit on my bus!"