Why, OH WHY did the UFC re-sign Cro Cop, you ask?  Out of spite, obviously:

The source says that Bellator MMA had been “very close” to signing Filipovic but that the UFC got wind of the deal and stepped in with a big offer.  The source says this was “almost certainly” for no other reason than to keep Filipovic away from Bellator and Spike TV and to deprive Bellator frontman Scott Coker – formerly the head of Strikeforce – ammunition with which to work. 

Well this is freakin’ bizarre.  Bellator announced today that it has named UFC pioneer Royce Gracie as its official brand ambassador.  As part of his role, Gracie “will host seminars, be involved in autograph and promotional appearances, as well as aiding in the International expansion of Bellator around the world.” 

Gracie becomes the fourth UFC Hall of Famer to be hired by Bellator/Viacom in some capacity, following fighters Tito Ortiz and Stephan Bonnar*, and Fight Master/Gym Rescue personality** Randy Couture.  Here’s the full press release via Bellator.com:

Newport Beach, Calif. (October 8, 2014) – Known simply as the pioneer of mixed martial arts, Royce Gracie is widely considered the most influential and important figure the sport has seen.  Engaging in some of the most memorable fights in MMA history during his time with the UFC and PRIDE Fighting Championships, Gracie has now joined Bellator as an official brand ambassador for the Viacom-owned promotion. 

“I have known Scott for a long time and have always respected him as not only a promoter but as a martial artist who has always treated fighters with respect and truly understands their value,” Gracie said. “ Bellator and Viacom want to give fans exciting fights and enable fighters to continue to grow and most importantly provide for their family, and it’s something I want to be a part of.  UFC has done a great job over the past twenty years in building this sport and taking it globally and I’m glad to have been part of that, but Bellator is a growing organization I am honored to be a part of, and with the dedicated and talented people already associated with the company, we can further the growth of mixed marital arts as a sport worldwide.” 

Following his UFC dismissal, Cody McKenzie — because he’s insane — took a 180-pound catchweight fight against a dude named Mark Dobie up in British Columbia, and won by first-round submission.  Tomorrow, he’ll be competing in that Battlegrounds MMA eight-man welterweight tournament called by Chael Sonnen and JR.  Today, McKenzie came in at 172.4 pounds on his first weigh-in attempt, so he went backstage, HAD A PINT OF GODDAMNED BLOOD SUCKED OUT OF HIM EW EW EW and made the 171-pound limit on his second attempt.  McKenzie will be facing Brock Larson in the tournament’s quarterfinals. 

I have no idea how this was allowed to happen. “ Battlegrounds MMA One” is going down in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a state that has an actual athletic commission, which was supposed to be taking extra precautions to ensure the safety of the fighters in this potentially grueling single-elimination tournament.  Were any commission members around while Cody was doing this?  And for God’s sake, what did they do with the blood?  Please tell me they didn’t just pour it down the toilet, where it could potentially affect the Tulsa water supply. 

At UFC 178, Tim Kennedy was on the cusp of knocking out Yoel Romero in the dying seconds of round two, after he had endured a difficult 10 minutes against the Cuban powerhouse in their main card battle.  Kennedy, who also grabbed Romero’s gloves to land several uppercuts, had “Soldier of God” in a world of hurt, as he continued to pounce on his adversary.  The horn saved Romero, and as referee “Big” John McCarthy separated both fighters and ordered them to their respective corners, Romero looked as if he had spent three days in an afterhours club hopped up on Molly. 

He had no clue where he was, sat on his stool, and looked quite petrified as he mumbled words to his coaches. 

As both fighters were summoned for the third and final round, Romero just sat there while his coaches moved like tortoises exiting the cage.  Despite his corner men stalling, Romero was still on his stool, with too much Vaseline on him.  His corner proceeded to wipe it off, while the American walked around frustrated.  As Joe Rogan went ballistic, the fight wasn’t called off, a point wasn’t even deducted, and more so, “Big” John McCarthy didn’t do a damn thing about it. 

Seconds into the third round, Romero dropped Kennedy, pummeled him to hell and back, and stood over his bloody foe in victory after being awarded with the stoppage victory. 

Pretty strange, huh? 

Now, this reeks of controversy from both sides.  Kennedy’s blatant glove-grabbing maybe wasn’t worthy of disqualification, yet Romero on his stool was pretty atrocious.  Even if the fighter has too much Vaseline on him, which according to Dana White at the post-fight presser, was the promotion’s fault because it was one of their employees, he shouldn’t be chilling on the stool.  But here’s the thing … were the corner men told to exit before taking the stool?  Probably.  However, isn’t it their job to actually take the stool? 

Take a look at the confrontation between both fighters backstage, courtesy of a Vine post (props to MMA Fighting for the link) after the jump. 

“It’s horrible… and every time I’ve got to see, ‘Ex-UFC fighter’ when the stories are written. “ He fought twice!  Six years ago!”  said White of War Machine, “He was a current Bellator, Viacom fighter.  He fights for Viacom.  Not the UFC.’ ” 

An understandable frustration, as the last thing the MMA community needed was to be unfairly labeled as, I don’t know, a horrifying culture of misogynists.  When Thiago Silva was arrested months prior for, I repeat, sticking a gun in his wife’s mouth and engaging in an armed standoff with police, White told reporters that Silva “will never fight in the UFC again.”  It was a minor, albeit comforting thing to know in an otherwise disturbing string of events. 

There are only two appropriate reactions to winning an MMA fight.  You can either find the nearest camera and do the throat-slitting gesture.  Or, you can point at a random member of the crowd, lean to the side, and…sorry, I have no idea what the hell this is. 

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event.  The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age. 

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating.  One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats. 

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones. 

15.  The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling.  It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days. 

Today’s entry, however, is something of an entirely new breed.  It’s what some would call “avant-garde”; combining equal parts Transformers cartoon and Tim and Eric sketch with some of the most proficient Microsoft Paint skills ever put on display.  It’s goddamn glorious to be completely frank.  Tweeted out by Eddie Bravo yesterday, “Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” is one of the most brilliantly-retarded things you or I will ever see, so do yourself a favor and check it out after the jump. 

If you’ve been watching any Spike TV program lately — be it a Bellator event, a Bar Rescue marathon, or an episode of Auction Hunters (if you’re some kind of masochist) — chances are you’ve caught at least one of Chuck Liddell‘s promo spots for Duralast.  Even though he’s been removed from the game some four years now, Liddell remains a more marketable MMA personality than say, Renan Barao (sorry Dana), which makes him the perfect guy to hawk car batteries and brakes.  You know, tough guy stuff. 

The Iceman being The Iceman, Liddell’s ads have featured the typical mix of stilted line delivery and goofball insanity that we have come to expect of Ol’ Chucky boy.  The problem is, some of them take major liberties in regards to the quality of Duralast products, while others are unrealistic to the point of false advertising.  Lucky for you, we’re here to clear everything up.  Let’s get started. 

“Walk the Walk”

First of all, I highly doubt that simply holding a Duracell battery grants one the power necessary to walk through concrete walls.  That is not how automotive batteries work.  They must first be attached to a power source before they can generate any kind of voltage.  In fact, given that the average battery weighs around 40 pounds, I posit that carrying a car battery would only diminish one’s chances of walking through a wall, in that it would severely weaken the carrier, especially in the adverse desert conditions that Liddell appears to be traversing through. 

Now, onto the rhino.  Rhinos do not live in deserts.  They are grazers who seek out savannahs and areas of densely-vegetated, palatable grasses as their habitats.  Additionally, white rhinos like the one featured in this ad are pack travelers, but even if this particular rhino were to be separated from its clan and wander into a desert, it would still be impossible to lift said rhino, even in its weakened state, with one hand while carrying a car battery in the other.