Wednesday, May 4, 2011

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!!! 

I made it another year, and I didn't die (hallelujah!!!!).  I'm excited!!! 

I am also pissed. 

You knew that was coming, right?  Surely. 

(Language filters on!) 
I am livid beyond measure.  Mad at everything, I think... but mostly at my husband and everyone associated with his work and the masons.  Yes, the masons.  Just because I said so.  Although, I can't be mad at David or his wife, she made me a lovely cake for my birthday.  Just the mason brotherhood, I suppose, would be a better way to put it. :)  Not making sense?  Okay, sorry-they make me angry because I hate seeing them all cooed up and when I walk up putting stuff away and zipping their lips because I'm not a mason.  Oh, I'm sorry-it's not that, it's that I'm a woman.  Who can't be a mason. ( Not that I would want to, brotherly love should extend to any and all that need it, and they make me angry for a multitude of reasons.  An unending spreadsheet wouldn't be able to handle all of them.  I've tried.) 

But that's a seperate issue that I just had to gribe about briefly. :)  The real problem today started here:

A week ago I was invited to a women's dinner to introduce the new Bible study they'll be venturing into.  I was very excited, and it was the night before my birthday so I was GOING, no ifs ands or buts.  But there was a but.  Woody said we were having a celebretory dinner at the hunting lodge "down yonder" on that night, and I had to go.  So.  I declined the invitation.  What happens?!  NO DINNER. 

What do I find out on Tuesday before the extreme disappointment that seems to follow ANY AND ALL plans I make that do not involve my husband?  The dinner was pushed to MY BIRTHDAY and wives are not invited.  Just the men that were involved in the project.  Thank you.  Very.  Fucking.  Much.  Hey, I told you to turn on the language filter. 

I missed out on a lovely ladies' dinner with women I would love to get to know better, but as of yet have not been able to due to this incredibly crippling disease and in part because of my husbands' inability to allow me to have some ME time.  So.  I AM ANGRY BEYOND MEASURE, and I can't confront him with it because then it will cause a viral fight that will last for days.  And I don't want him to treat me like horse manure for the next week. 

So.  Again, angry.  Pissed.  Livid.  Still excited that I'm alive, woohoo... but I am mad.  MAD that he gets to do what he wants, WHEN HE WANTS TO, and I CAN'T. I should do it all during the days so he doesn't A) have to babysit, and B) wonder who I might be screwing.  Which is what he does. * smirks with a fiery assinine wisecrack that has yet to come to mind-but will in about ten minutes*

Dog poopoo. 

Did I mention how much I hate the masons?  Spread the love.  It's another form of racism.  Really, even if race isn't an "issue" in modern times for the fraternity, it at the very least is a socialcastestereotypepreference-ism.  As in, we don't help you unless you're a mason and can help us... *mutters* Yes, out of the overflow of the heart comes our words and actions... I suppose I need to curb it because I'm showing a non-graceful and loving heart.