"Homer vs. Lisa vs. The 8th Commandment" "Evening, Carver of Graven Images." " Homer the Thief." " How's business?" " Been a little slow." " Not much to steal in the desert." " Do not worry." " We'll be wandering out here another two weeks, tops." " Zohar the Adulterer." " My wife sends her regards." " Yes, she's a good woman." " Very good." " Thank you, my lusty friend." " Moses is back." " Quick!" " Everybody, look busy." " The Lord has handed down to us 10 commandments by which to live." " I will read them in no particular order." "" Thou shalt not make graven images."" " Oh, my God!" "" Thou shalt not commit adultery."" " Well, looks like the party's over." " Hey, Moses." " Keep them coming!" "" Thou shalt not steal."" " Sorry, Homer." " That's the most dishonest thing I've ever heard!" " I should box your ears!" " You sneaky Pete!" " Easy, tiger." " You, easy." " Get off my property!" " Flanders, who put that bug up your butt?" " I wanted to subscribe to the arts and crafts channel." " They sent this man to install it." " You know what he did?" " He offered to hook me up illegally to every channel for $50." " Boy, what's this world coming to?" " That's exactly" "Gotta go." " Hey, stop, cable man!" " Stop!" " What do you want?" " I want free cable!" " This is okay." " Everybody does it, right?" " What?" " If you're having second thoughts, read this." "" So You've Decided to Steal Cable."" "" Myth:" "Cable piracy is wrong." " Fact:" "Cable companies are faceless corporations which makes it okay."" " The clown that will last a lifetime." " Cable." " It's more wonderful than I dared hope!" " Don't you hate it when you go to the toilet and there's no toilet paper?" " It's funny because it's true!" " Oh, hey!" " Family!" " Family, come here." " I have an announcement to make." " The Simpsons have cable!" " Cable?" "!" " Right.  68 channels." " MTV for the kids." " VH1 for us.  1600 hours of quality programming every day." " We've talked about cable before." " You think we can afford it?" " Nothing a month?" " Yeah, I think we can swing that." " Is this legal?" " Don't worry." " Look at this." "" Myth:" "It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies." " Fact:" "Most movies on cable get two stars or less and are repeated ad nauseam."" " I don't know." " Marge." " Hear Me Roar, the network for women." " We'll teach you to lower your bill by making your own Band-Aids." " Oh, that's a good idea." " Before we begin, you'll need 5 yards of sterilized cotton." " Pro wrestling from Mexico." " Down there, it's a real sport." " This is where Jaws eats the boat." " Here, Die Hard jumps through the window." " This is where Wall Street gets arrested." " If I could call your attention to the Subsidy Appropriations Override Bill." " I refer you to page 4500" "They think people watch that." " Live, from New Orleans." " This is the World Series of Cockfighting!" " Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou tonight." " We'd get there quicker if I drove my dad's car." " Aren't you ready for church, Homer?" " Huh?" " What?" " Okay." " Today's Christian doesn't think he needs God." " He thinks he's got it made." " He's got his hi-fi." " His boob tube." " And his instant pizza pie." " Oh, pizza." " Children, I don't want you to get frightened but I must teach you this." " Today's topic will be hell." " I sat through mercy and forgiveness." " Finally, we get to the good stuff." " Hell is terrible!" " Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket." " There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur." " You'll be tormented." " If you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened you would die." " Miss Albright?" " Yes." " Won't you eventually get used to it?" " No." " Yes." " Are there pirates in hell?" " Thousands of them." " Oh, baby!" " So there's a downside to the afterlife." " How does one steer clear of this?" " By obeying the 10 Commandments." " Ten simple rules that are easy to live by." " What did you children learn about?" " Hell." " I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell..." "...unless I say "hell."" " He has a point." " Hell, yes!" " Hell, hell, hell, hell...." "Bart!" " You're no longer in Sunday school." " Don't swear." " Hey, anybody up for a little so-called pay-TV?" " Are you sure this isn't stealing?" " Read the pamphlet." " Hello, I'm Troy McClure." " You may remember me from Cry Yuma and Here Comes the Coast Guard!" " I'd like to talk about a candy that cleans and straightens your teeth!" " A program-length advertisement!" " Wait a minute." " I'm confused." " Did you say "cleans and straightens"?" " There's no confusion." " Just good science." " Ladies and gentlemen, the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera." " Thank you, Troy." " Hi, everybody!" " Hi, Dr. Riviera!" " Now, could I have a volunteer?" " Somebody with crooked, yellow teeth." " Come on, Lisa." " Watch a little cable with us." " It won't cost you a thing." " Except your soul!" " What's gotten into Lisa?" " Beats the hell out of me!" " What are you doing?" " What do you mean?" " Remember the 8th commandment?" " Of course." " Thou shalt not...." "Covet graven images." " Something about covet." " Thou shalt not steal!" " Anything else?" " Yes." " I ate two grapes." " Please charge me for them." " Two grapes?" " Who cares?" " Just charge me something, please." " Okay." " I need a price check on two grapes." " You heard me, Phil." " Two measly, stinking grapes." " If you didn't catch it in the theater or rent it  we've got it!" " On the Blockbuster Channel!" " Why is the world a cesspool of corruption?" " Oh, great." " All right, what makes you say that?" " In Sunday school we learned stealing is a sin." " But everybody does it." " We're stealing cable." " Did you pay for your breakfast?" " No." " Did you pay for your clothes?" " No, I didn't." " Run for the hills, Ma Barker, before I call the feds!" " I think that's pretty spurious." " Well, thank you, honey." " Friday night, live." " The ultimate matchup." " The bout to knock the other guy out." " Watson-Tatum Two." " This time it's for money!" " Oh, boy!" " Only on the Blockbuster Channel." " How can one little insulated wire bring so much happiness?" " Big fight coming up." " Wanna come over and listen to it on the radio?" " Okay." " After the fight, we can watch the still photos on the news." " Not too shabby!" " What do you say?" " We could do that, yeah." " Or we could go over to my house and watch it live on cable TV!" " Get off!" " You're kidding me!" " Pass the pumice, please." " He's Homer from sector 7-G." "Excellent." " I'm so keen on seeing Watson vs. Tatum Two I'd even go to an employee's house." " I can picture it now." " The screen door resting off its hinges." " Mangy dog staggering about looking vainly for a place to die." " May I speak frankly?" " Yes." " You are quite wealthy." " Thank you." " Your candor is refreshing." " Why don't you pay for the fight yourself?" " The big fight is one of those rare occasions that I savor the sights the sounds and the smells of other men." " You haven't lost the common touch." " So, Homer, I hear you got the fight." " That's right." " 8:00, my place." " Come one, come all." " All right." " Moe, how come you never got cable for the bar?" " Well, it was either cable or the mechanical bull." " I made my choice and I stand by it." " Somebody's having a party." " Friday night." " Wanna come over?" " No, thanks." " I'm open 24 hours." " It puts great demands on my time." " Too bad." " It'll be a great fight." " The fight!" " I'll get my brother, Sanjay, to cover for me." " He deplores violence." " If a man takes bread to feed his starving family, that's stealing?" " No." " It is if he puts anything on it." " Jelly, for example." " I see." " You're here for a reason." " Is your father stealing bread?" " I don't watch him every minute." " But we're getting cable for free." " I'm afraid that is stealing." " I think you must do something." " Should I have him arrested?" " That seems like an ideal solution." " But remember the 5th commandment:" ""Honor thy father and thy mother."" " I would like to see you set an example by not watching..." "...the offending technology yourself." " Thank you." " You're watching Top Hat Entertainment." " Adult programming all day, every day." " Except in Florida and Utah." " Coming up next, Stardust Mammaries." " Ay, carumba!" " Bart!" " Here's what I was looking for." " Blue chips closed up 3 3/4." " Oil service stocks slumped...." "You shouldn't watch that other channel." " It's for mommies and daddies who love each other." " Promise me you won't ever watch it." " Okay." " Promise me." " I promise I won't watch it." " Good boy." " Hi, Dad." " Stealing cable is wrong, so I'm not watching it in the hope that others will follow my example." " Thank you." " Hey, Lisa." " Racing from Belmont?" " Horsies!" " Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven." " There's something wrong with that kid." " She's so moral." " Why can't she be more like...?" " Well, not like Bart." " But there's gotta be a happy medium." " Well, you know...." "Bart was looking at that racy movie." " And Lisa is losing a little respect for you." " Maybe we should think about unhooking the cable." " Unhook it?" " But I love cable!" " Then you should pay for it." " I can't afford it." " When I can afford to pay for it, I will." " But I can't so I'm not going to." " Cable has become an evil presence in our home." " Marge, I never put my foot down about anything." " But I'm severely tempted to do it." " No." " I'm sorry, it's coming down." " No." " It's coming down." " That's it!" " It's coming down!" " The cable stays." " The foot has spoken." " Lemonade?" " Please." " Seen it." " Cleans and straightens" "Seen it." " Seen it." " I was poor." " Soccer." " Seen it." " Simpson." " How did you get in?" " Your door wasn't locked well enough." " Would you be interested in this stereo?" " A $500 value." " You can have it for $40." " Get out!" " Criminal!" " I'll go see a neighbor." " He's not home!" " Even better." " You sure about this?" " Doesn't look friendly." " Can't be too careful." " Thieves are everywhere." " I'm not talking about the small, forgivable stuff." " Come one, come all!" " Top Hat Theater is on the air!" " The most beautiful women!" " Just 50 cents!" " I'm your host, Bart Simpson!" " You must be at least 8 years old." " And now The Top Hat Channel is proud to present Broadcast Nudes." " Gross!" " Yet strangely compelling." " It's a raid!" " What the--?" " I know you." " Come back here!" " You promised me you wouldn't watch that trash." " Go to your room!" " I wish I was an adult so I could break rules." " Oh, great." " I brought some imported generic beer." " Thank you, Barney." " How many people are coming?" " Just a select circle." " Hello!" " I brought an assortment of jerkies." " Did you swipe those from work?" " Certainly not." " What are you implying?" " There is no love lost between these two warriors." " We almost had a scuffle today at the weigh-in." " You have a special motivation going into this bout." " I want to dedicate this fight to my manager, Vinnie, who got me here and then..." "...passed away two weeks ago." " Any response?" " I would also like to dedicate this fight to this manager." " You can't!" " I can!" " You dedicate the fight to your manager!" " I want to tell you that I'm not watching this fight." " It's my form of nonviolent protest." " Hi, Homer." " I brought you" "Quick!" " It's Moe." " I gotta hide the mugs." " Will you get--?" " Hey, go protest outside, will you?" " Now!" " Hi." " I brought you a mug." " Thank you." " I always wanted one of these." " Oh!" " Mr. Burns!" " Hide the stuff I borrowed from work!" " Borrowed?" " Okay, that stuff I stole from work." " Oh, okay." " Come on!" " Take all this." " Put it in the closet." " Will you quit staring at me like that?" " Hello." " We were in the neighborhood and thought we'd drop by." " Hello, Mr. Burns." " Like to watch the fight?" " The fight!" " Don't mind if I do." " Oh, Simpson." " Good news." " I brought some munchies." " Smithers, the Cheetos." " In but a few scant minutes, the anticipation" "Simpson?" " Yes." " You have an illegal cable hookup." " No." " No, l" "It wasn't me." " It was my wife's idea." " Yeah!" " Hey, hey, hey." " Settle down, fella." " We were hoping we could watch the fight." " Oh, sure, sure." " Be my guest." " Here's lemonade for your protest." " Thanks, Mom." " It isn't going very well." " Don't give up." " When you love somebody, you must have faith that they will do the right thing." " He learned how to fight in the projects of Capital City and honed his skills while serving time for assault in Springfield Prison." " All right!" " A local boy!" " For 5 years, I was away from my kids and their mothers." " The conditions were irrevocable." " Assault." " Manslaughter." " Stealing cable TV!" " Marge!" " Lisa!" " Maggie!" " Shake hands." " Keep it clean." " Come on, boy!" " Excuse me." " I hate to interrupt your judging me." " I've made a couple of important decisions." " Number one:" "I'm cutting the cable when the fight's over." " Number two:" "I'm not very fond of any of you." " Back to the fight." " Get down!" " We may have saved your soul." " Tatum is reeling!" " Yeah, at the worst possible time." " Eight!" " Nine!" " Ten!" " This fight is history!" " It's done!" " A stunning knockout by a thunderous punch in the 12th round." " Tatum is the new champion of the world!" " Everyone to my place for squishies and microwave burritos." " Best fight ever and I missed it." " We're really proud of you." " What a donnybrook!" " Hogwash!" " I once watched Jim Corbett fight an Eskimo bare-knuckled for 113 rounds!" " Back then, if it was less than 50 rounds, we demanded our nickel back!" " Cable clippers." " Here you go." " Go for it, Dad." " I beg you to reconsider." " Tractor pulls." " Atlanta Braves baseball." " Joe Franklin!" " Third time's a charm."