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200 | Frank indirectly saved my Mom's life. \n\n1978, Mom diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. Given 6 months to live. \n\nOl' Blue Eyes makes a massive donation to my Mom's hospital - Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. \n\nMSKCC opens experimental treatment center on Frank's tab, Mom signs all kinds of waivers, undergoes treatment, beats odds every one of her oncologists set for her. \n\nThank you Mr. Sinatra. | {
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201 | I feel sorry for the pledges parents that pay those credit cards. | {
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202 | Must be a PC gamer.\n\n**Edit:** Thank you for my first gold! | {
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203 | http://imgur.com/FcyUZGO.gifv | {
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204 | > and it was tears of joy\n\nNot lacking in the confidence department I see. | {
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205 | Well, to be fair, if your vagina involuntarily slammed shut you'd look around to see what caused it too. | {
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206 | does anyone else feel the cold? it's freezing in here | {
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207 | At first I was like what an asshole, but then realizing he thought you were speaking Klingon, that's hilarious. | {
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208 | I was on a train in Bulgaria, conductor said that my passport is expired (I'm pretty sure it isn't) and asked for 50 euros, I said "hell no", then he said I'll call the police and I was like "yeah go call the cops you scammer" Police came and..."100 euros or I'll arrest you" | {
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209 | i think you're all 100% of that population. | {
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210 | I do that too!!!! Which way to the space company club? | {
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211 | Bathroomerangs are for emergencies only. | {
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212 | That's a natural reaction when you need to focus. Reducing unnecessary stimuli helps you pay attention to something else, even if it seems like music is completely unrelated to parallel parking.\n\nEdit: I...I don't understand what's happening here | {
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213 | I'm from the UK, so mine will inevitably be revealed as sex offenders. | {
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214 | Hey! Fuck you buddy!\n\nEdit: Wow. Gold, highest rated comment. I love you all. \n\nP.S. French canada sucks. | {
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215 | I see my ex-husband made it to the thread. | {
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216 | Where did the soda go? | {
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217 | > only for them to arrive exhausted, and find 'me' standing at the bar, drink already in hand.\n\nWearing different clothes. | {
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218 | Check with your older siblings. | {
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219 | I think your neighbor took his april fools joke a bit too far. He got too many people involved. | {
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220 | You bastard. I trusted you. | {
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221 | Plot twist: The original unmarked photo gets uploaded. OP realises he's been insane all along. Goes ahead with threat to rape himself. \n\n10/10 birthday all round I'd say. | {
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222 | Two birds with one bone | {
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223 | Mormons are required to sell at least 300 bikes in their lifetime or they won't be allowed into Heaven. | {
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224 | This one drives me nuts. A man is something I am, not something I have to try to be. \n\nI have plenty of roles that take a lot of effort. Father, brother, husband, son, colleague, boss...All of *that* is important. I'm a man regardless of what color apron I'm wearing while I bake cookies and listen to Taylor Swift. | {
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225 | I WILL MOW YOUR ASS OVER.\n========================= | {
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226 | If I don't make it out alive make you tell my wife.. Tell her.. Cough cough.. Tell her.. She's a bitch | {
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227 | Thats not slimy, it's just smart | {
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228 | That was the day you knew you made the right choice being a teacher. | {
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229 | Germany is perfect in every way.*\n\n^^*June ^^1945 ^^onwards, ^^terms ^^and ^^conditions ^^apply\n\nAnd I say that as a Brit, Germany is the fucking tits these days. Friendly people? Good. Beer? Good. Sausages? Good. Busty beer hall women? Good\n\nWhat's not to love? | {
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230 | You talking Ring of Fire or just plain Hurt? | {
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231 | You act like you forgot something to cover up the fact that you forgot something? | {
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232 | I wish it were tighter. Just had a physical and the doctor had to aim for the side.\n | {
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233 | Nonchalantly drops that she's a squirter in there. Bravo. Have an upvote | {
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234 | Let's be honest, once the camera's stopped rolling the producers wouldn't have given a fuck\n\nEDIT: Me fail English? That's unpossible | {
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235 | appropriate response: "Yeah, I was on that show about unsolved missing interviewers." | {
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236 | Obviously you've never played Battlefield | {
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237 | > "If your faith can be shaken by a drawing, then you have none."\n\n\nhttp://i.imgur.com/sO3GvIYh.jpg | {
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238 | Contrary to what he told you semen does not cure the common cold. | {
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239 | Comments like this blow my mind. I haven't had head since my honeymoon. My house would literally be *filled* with lunchables. If I ever forgot to buy one, I'd sprint to the car, go back to the store, rake the entire shelf of lunchables into my cart, upend my wallet on the cash register, and speed back home. | {
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240 | > locks the door behind us and tells me to face the wall.\n> "What? I'm not-"\n> "FACE THE WALL!"\n> "Fuckin Sara Conner over here ..."\n\nPlease tell me I'm not the only one who thought she was going to fuck him from behind at this point? | {
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241 | Highly illegal question in the United States. I love your response. | {
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242 | Using Nine Inch Nails lyrics as pick-up lines: probably not the most effective strategy. | {
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243 | Two soldiers are in a tank. One looks at the other and says,\n\n"BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB" | {
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244 | "yeah, they chose to abandon you!" | {
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245 | Ha ha, didnt get a cut. I see what you did there. | {
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246 | As far as I'm concerned, yes. | {
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247 | all of them. and some of their mothers. | {
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248 | You have to remain unfound for 5 days, not the rest of your life. | {
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249 | "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." | {
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250 | He was repeating his experiment to see if he got the same results. You've got a scientist in the making! | {
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251 | In 1903 the Wright brothers flew for 30 seconds. 38 years later the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. 28 years after that we landed a man on the moon, and returned him safely to Earth. \n\nAll in the span of one lifetime. | {
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252 | So, early 20th century South Carolina? | {
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253 | The complete opposite for razors. Ladies' razors are just crap compared to those for men. | {
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254 | Guy manipulates girl into liking him. They fall in love. Girl finds out what guy did. They break up. Guy wins girl back. Credits roll. I feel like I've seen this movie already | {
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255 | Not getting to see them grow old is even worse. | {
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256 | I read somewhere where it says ...If you fart whilst receiving a blowjob and they keep going like nothing happened, you are required to buy your partner something shiny and valuable | {
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257 | If you get caught and go to a community college, you'll find a hilarious study group. | {
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258 | Have you informed him that you've fucked his mother? | {
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259 | Oh. OH! OOOOOOHHHH!\n\nOh. | {
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260 | Wilmer Valderrama, on that 70's Show. | {
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261 | Where does one provide this courtesy tap to? Just flick her in the forehead before I blow my load?\n\nEdit: Thank you, random stranger for my first gilding! :D I'll never forget it!\n\nEdit2: WHAT!?! Double gilded?!?!? Thank you so much, stranger!!! :D | {
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262 | To make it worse: individually clamshell packaged tic tacs. | {
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263 | And that's how /u/Captain_Dipshit_ was made. | {
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264 | This breaks the windshield. | {
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265 | I think the backwards Oreo would actually be convenient for most people. | {
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266 | You should stop knowing that person | {
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267 | seriously if this isn't playing life on expert mode I don't know what is | {
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268 | The police are on their way. Target doesnt forgive. Target doesnt forget. | {
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269 | Yes\n\n**Edit**: My highest comment and gilded (thank you!) for saying one word? It's official - I am no longer going to try. | {
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270 | TIL Seth Green was friend zoned by Sarah Michelle Gellar and Mila Kunis | {
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271 | Mr. Rogers is the person to whom I would fall to my knees and say, "I'm not worthy!"\n\nThen, of course, he would say, "Of course you are, just the way you are."\n\nI look at that guy, and realize that there is absolutely no way I could be one percent the human that he was. | {
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272 | I spent 20 years of my life getting into the shower, then turning on the water, then swearing at how cold it was until it warned up. \n \nOne day someone told a story wherein they turned the water on and while they waited for it to get hot they did something else. \n \nEveryone else was listening to the story while my mind was being blown and I had to pretend that I wasn't having this life shattering epiphany. \n \nI was so stoked to take a shower that night. | {
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273 | And you're still reminiscing about him *20 years later.* That guy had legend potential. | {
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274 | Ironically, that kind of does fit with Cosby's vision though. | {
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275 | 1 Air Bud\n\n2 Air Bud: Golden Receiver \n\n3 Air Bud: World Pup\n\n4 Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch \n\n5 Air Bud: Spikes Back\n\n6 Air Buddies\n\n7 Space Buddies\n\n8 Santa Buddies\n\n9 Spooky Buddies\n\n10 The Shawshank Redemption | {
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276 | left side strong side | {
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277 | I think he was really referring to the vuvuzela /s\n | {
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278 | http://youtu.be/aahWNFojzMU\n\nWelcome! | {
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279 | Can't wait for middle school students to read this and start a new trend. | {
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280 | Dillweed? Is that you? I haven't heard from you since school. | {
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281 | Curiously enough, almost all hookers I ever heard interviewed would say that no small portion of their customers would come, pay them the full rate and then want nothing more than to be hugged and held.\n\nNow I'm sad.\n\n*goddamit reddit, now my highest rated comment is about hookers* | {
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282 | We found the five year old. | {
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283 | I hit my shin on the toilet the other night. It hurt so bad, I'm certain I saw my dead grandmother. | {
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284 | What the hell did she report?\n\n*"Reporting for duty sir. Empoyee on register three presses the buttons with a manner of insubordination the likes of which I haven't seen in my entire five minutes as Hawk Face the Powernator."* | {
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285 | Oh my god that sounds so annoying. Why do people feel the need to act like badly written sitcom characters? | {
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286 | Clean one skid mark, two more will take its place.. | {
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287 | They have other uses ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold, anonymous benefactor! | {
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288 | >"I felt like I had to go apologize to her parents after doing that" \n\nI died | {
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289 | What did batman say to robin before they got in the Batmobile? \n \n["Get in the Batmobile"](/s) | {
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290 | And every captcha is something related to this:\n\nhttp://i.imgur.com/PaWCWbg.jpg | {
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291 | Years ago, my wife was at a start-of-year "back to school" night at the school where she taught sixth grade, and at the time she was about five months pregnant. \n\nIn reference to my wife, one of the mothers angrily told the principal, *"She shouldn't be allowed to work here if she's pregnant - she's just going to go on maternity leave anyway."*\n\nTo his credit, the principal replied, "Are you suggesting that our teachers should not be allowed to have children?", and the idiot backed down. | {
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292 | "I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."\n\n"Good luck."\n\n"kbai, seeya later budy \^.\^"\n\n"ttyl :D" | {
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293 | No Beaker answers yet? You're all distasteful bastards if you don't think Beaker is the best.\n\n\nEdit: Meep for the gold mate. | {
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294 | It could be. Start with the most glaring problems...shape the marriage into something that works for both of you. Fill the wounds of resentment. Polish that thing up! | {
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295 | Just for you: http://imgur.com/gallery/fNuq5 \nEdit: Wow, this blew up! I would first like to stress that this IS NOT OC (It's not mine). Second I would like to thank whoever gave me gold! \nEdit 2: Gold x2! I'd like to thank the studio, Whom helped me achieve this. I'd also like to thank my wife, who would be standing right here --IF I HAD ONE! | {
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296 | I on the other hand thought you just sucked the salt off and then spit them out. I had no idea there was anything inside.\n\nEDIT: I was about 12 when I discovered the truth. This was not a recent discovery. | {
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297 | Fry some more gnocchi. I think you just need the oil a little hotter. | {
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298 | Can my husband join us too? He loves a free meal. | {
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299 | Jesus how many times did you vote!? | {
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