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i started seroquel week ago and i don t feel like myself all i want to do is sleep i work hour shift a week and it s all i can do to get through them i keep reminding myself i can t quit because i need my health insurance so i can get my antidepressant i m so tired my parent deserve a better daughter my friend deserve a better friend my boyfriend deserves a better girlfriend

i can t take it anymore

lately i ve been feeling like i want to go to meeting like aa but with people struggling with depression or people that defeated it i don t know if this exist anywhere in the world i just know that it doesn t exists in my city have anyone experienced this if so can you tell me how is it like i feel like i have a lot to share but it s not necessarily good or i m feeling better and don t get me wrong im in therapy but i just feel like i have to share more and with people who s living the same thing

but telling them im not will just make them worry they got their own problem dont need mine too

of everything hating being alive hating myself being bitter and lonely i see it only getting worse i want to just die

i already called in yesterday for work i wa up all night laying here just awake counting down the hour to work wa so exhausted by the time work came around that i called in and even then i couldn t sleep it s now 0 pm and i ve gotten under an hour of sleep in the last 0 hr i m starting to worry a bit this month ha been so hard for me i literally almost walked into traffic on the way to work last week been cry so much i m so alone and it really scare me because i m going through all of this by myself

being a short man in america is terrible it is terrible how we r treated in the dating world for something we can t change people say oh well suck it up but they don t know how it feel to watch your crush in h laugh u off a u ask her to prom to just go out with the tall d football kid i ve honestly thought of ending it all at this point because there s no point in living this life i don t even want to have kid if they end up being short this cruel world will just chew them up and spit them out

i need friend i am so sad and lonely please help

i m so bored with life i know it s not worth living i don t have anyone to hang out with or do thing with so all i do is go to work and stay home i m an adventurous outdoorsy and outgoing person and love getting out there and doing thing but i have no transportation and don t know how to ride a bike i can barely afford to take lyft and uber to work and back home my life ha no excitement to it and there is nothing interesting about it everything is pointless like i work in a grocery store a an order picker for example and what s the point of helping people shop for grocery they are going to need again the next week it s the same thing day after day and week after week it s all pointless what we do today won t matter in a month or year i m just done with this whole life thing sometimes i get legitimately pissed off for the simple fact that i wa even born and not aborted i wish every day my birth mom aborted me now i m just a worthless sack of shit taking up space and sucking up air i have tried making my life worth living by moving to a warmer climate getting a better job and starting my own business but the excitement of it all wear off everything turned out to be a flop i can t do anything right since i don t belong here i firmly believe my existence is an accident not they type of accident of an unplanned pregnancy but like i wa never meant to exist type of accident i realized a long time ago i don t belong in this world and i honestly don t want to be a part of it anymore

someone pls tell me how to get over this i m currently nearly so i ve known this guy for year met him early 0 9 i know this sound stupid af but i met him online on minecraft when i wa nearly so i wa and at that time my sister had attempted suicide multiple time i had no friend at school and didn t go outside for week it wa school summer holiday i spent all my time playing minecraft with him on call and would message him all night when i wasn t playing the game he s also american and i m british went back to school and had like friend and carried on talking to him he started to like me and told me that but i literally did not like him at all and wanted to just be friend a i thought dating online wa weird anyway we ended up stopping talking a i moved on with my life made more friend at school and started being a normal teen with a normal life boy etc probably around early 0 0 i started talking to him again a i messaged him on instagram we spoke for a day then wouldn t talk for or so and this went on for a few month then we stopped talking completely novemeber 0 0 i dropped out on school in year 0 due to mental health issue and wa really at my lowest point i started talking to him again btw i barely remember anything from 0 0 bc i think my mental health just f cked up my brain we spoke for hour every night and day i m just adding that he s hispanic he skate his voice is so nice and he s literally my entire type anyway we talked and talked and we both fell in love he made me feel like a person he made me feel like everything i felt like nothing for so long and like i didn t belong and nothing made me happy and he just fixed everything me being me i would cause argument with him when he didn t reply within like 0 minute which ik wa so wrong of me to do i ruined everything by just keep going on at him for being dry etc because i wa so scared he would fall out of love with me he started being distant with me and talking to me le and not being like he used to be it really upset me what i mean by that is i would not eat i would not sleep i would stalk everything he wa doing i ended up getting blocked by him on absolutely everything even spotify it ruined me i made new account to get unblocked and the whole talking for age him being dry getting blocked repeated about time up until now he doesn t love me anymore he told me he wa all i ever wanted in a person last time i wa blocked it wa for about month life wa pointless without him he s just some guy online who could be doing whatever and i wouldn t know because i live thousand of mile from him but i love him i don t know why but i have this obsession with him i don t even think it s love anymore he is on my mind with no exaggeration everytime someone mention his name i smile and get butterfly i don t want to be here anymore if he isn t in my life his mood affect my mood i m currently still talking to him but he s dry which make me feel so depressed sometimes i think he ha a love spell on me or some shit he changed he used to be so nice and innocent then he went to high school and smoke weed and talk differently and treat me like i m just there like i m not a person anyway when i m talking to him and he s dry i don t want to talk to him anymore when i don t talk to him i want to literally die it s a cycle i m never going to get out of please don t tell me to meet someone new because i ve already tried that i started meeting guy to try and get over him but he s always in my head with everything i do he s already in my mind and i can never let him go he doesn t care if i don t talk to him anymore he s only staying because he probably feel like he ha to no one else can compare to him i don t know why i m like this and i hate myself for it i hate myself and he s the only one to make it okay pls help i know i m young but it s messing with my head

can anyone help me out with this it s been year since i have these thought flying inside my head and i genuinely don t know how i am still alive sometimes when i m driving i think about crashing my car other time i think about having an overdose or jumping off a cliff i don t know what s wrong with me i don t really have any reason to be sad or anything the trauma i dealt with i overcame them so i don t know what s happening these intrusive thought hunt me i don t know why i am not depressed nor do i feel down sad and i really mean this i don t know where this all come from please be kind

throwaway account for privacy reason i just graduated with an advanced degree and got into job search i ve been struggling with depression for year and i think at first it wa the high functioning kind but in the last few year it seemed to have turned to the demotivational kind of depression i m tired all the time and i always pick the easy thing to do easy entertainment watch thing mindlessly easy way to go to sleep scroll on my phone until i m too tired to stay awake etc it come and go in wave too sometimes i d get the energy to do thing or to do something along the line of self improvement other time i would just want to sleep i ve learned that some thing trigger depressive episode much faster than others but i m not sure how to let these trigger pas without the episode full on hitting me for instance one of the trigger is a perceived sense of being excluded from thing or being rejected or being shown or told that i m not good enough can you tell that i suffer from an inferiority complex anyway today that trigger came from one of my tennis group friend who wanted to set up a play session every two week for advanced player in our amateur tennis group this doesn t conflict with any of our other scheduled play session and i know that i m not good enough to be in the advanced group all of my tennis friend are good people and i know that there s always going to be room in the advanced group for people who improve and get to that level even knowing all this i got so depressed over the span of about minute that i just stopped functioning i think that since this group of friend ha been my only real support for the last few year anything that happens in the group that i see a a rejection of myself just instantly take me down now that i m in the middle of it it feel like the only thing i can do is wait for it to pas because talking out of it or building myself up don t work when all i can think about is how i ve failed everything and that i ve never and will never live up to anyone s standard including my own sorry for the long selfish post i m struggling daily with imposter syndrome and a sense of inadequacy the trigger just happened to be this particular thing today

i live at home and i love my parent but i m beginning to spiral after an incident month ago i ve been profoundly depressed and stressed out i wa renting but moved back home to save money while trying to get myself back in order especially because my med stopped working i m an only child and my parent have no friend so now that i m back home all they want to do is constantly talk to me i already have poor sleep a it is but it could be am and my dad will shake me awake to talk about a car or his work day or my mom will come in and talk to me about my finance or why i never talk to her about my mental health one time recently i had been woken up so abruptly i could feel my entire nervous system jolt like i had been struck by lighting even thinking about it make my entire body randomly hurt i never get to be alone anymore i try to get alone time but i never get it for more than a couple hour at an time bc of the sleep deprivation i hallucinate now i hear and see thing i honestly wish somthing would happen to me and it would just all end life s so stressful and the little thing aren t fun anymore i hate myself i hate everything i used to love nothing fun anymore what s the fucking point

so i m have been feeling down rather often the last few year but these last few month im feeling constantly down my life just feel stuck everyday when my alarm ring i just cant get out of bed even tho i usually sleep for hour or so i end up laying in bed for or hour thinking about how shitty my life is and how i dont make progress at all i also get suicidal thought alot even tho i dont have any intention to harm myself in any way i dont want to die but smh my brain doesnt get that so yesterday i decided to finally get help and call my doc for an appointment before making that call i sat there and stared at the number contemplating if i really wanted to do this i made a list and wrote down reason why i want to get help and reason why i dont everything just pointed to me making that call and after hour i finally pressed call so then i wa on the phone with a woman at my doctor office i told her with a kinda shaky voice that i would like an appointment she asked what it wa about and i told her that i felt rather bad lately had trouble sleeping and am feeling tired alot i didnt feel comfortable sharing that i feel depressed she said she doesnt have a free spot in the next few week and told me i should come in without an appointment on thursday or friday so now im here without an appointment contemplating if i should actually go there tomorrow it kinda suck that im in the situation before the phonecall again where i have to make that decision to get help im so nervous about getting help i dont know what i should even say i dont know how to talk about my feeling i dont even know if ill make it out of bed tonorrow before the doctor office close im so afraid about revealing this about me but i dont think i can pull myself out of this without help can someone maybe give me some kind word and share their experience with finally opening up so my anxiety about this come to an ease

so i ve been working really hard this last year on overcoming mdd agoraphobia and social issue over the last year i ve gone from making it out of the house for hour a month long enough to go to the doctor and grocery shopping to managing 0 hour a week i m still working up to doing thing on successive day it usually take a day or so to recover otherwise thing start getting rough but it s significantly better than before not advocating this approach it s what worked for me and may not work for others i had a lot of sensitivity to what wa being prescribed and it wa causing more harm than good talk with a professional before doing anything medication related part of what seemed to help wa getting away from medication over year we tried or so different thing and it just didn t work well now the hardest thing i do is caffeine and multivitamin there is a noticable difference in energy level and depression if i go more than a few day without vitamin so if you aren t taking any you may want to look into them i had been pushing thing the last couple month and wa starting to have burnout issue it wa hard not to a i felt like i wa starting to break through thing i m working at a different approach now just going until i start to feel uncomfortable and stopping if it s feasible rather than pushing until i have a full panic episode i m not getting a much done every day but so far i m starting each day more consistently it a little difficult stopping when i feel like i can keep going but i m hopeful that the better consistency will be more productive in the long term a bad a thing were a couple year ago to where they are now give me hope for others too i wa going to bed praying for death and cursing every morning i woke up i have hope and have truly started to love myself if you re going through a hard time thing can get better love you all take care and be well

can your job fire you if you attend an intensive outpatient program and need to work part time while you attend my therapist and psychiatrist said they would not be able to but my therapist wasn t entirely sure

for the last 0ish or so year i ve spent most of my day wishing i wa never born my first suicide attempt wa when i wa in nd grade i held a giant kitchen knife to my heart and stood in my kitchen daring myself to fall over and honestly if it weren t for the pain it would ve caused my parent i wish i had nothing ha any meaning at all for me anymore and honestly never ha i m afraid all the time i feel like complete shit my anxiety ha gotten so bad i can no longer work which wa the only way i ever contributed anything i hate myself i hate myself so much if i could go back in time i would shove that knife so far into my heart without a second thought i wish i had the strength to take myself out of the picture but accomplishing anything ha never been my strong suit my wife just asked me if she could get me anything and the first thing that popped into my head wa a gun and hollow point bullet but i m too weak to even take that step i have stage kidney disease i can t work i feel like garbage all the fucking time last year i passed out and broke my face i can t stop thinking about blacking out like that again and never waking up i fantasize about it every day i m a burden to everyone around me and if it wasn t for my son and the fact that i m incapable of accomplishing simple task anymore i would totally take myself out i have friend but none that i feel like i can talk to about this i m so alone i can t do this anymore i m seeing therapist i ve gone to partial hospitalization for anxiety nothing will work though because i m totally broken and unfixable i m not worth fixing nor do i know how i haven t done anything terrible to anyone or ever hurt anyone my life is just empty and it always ha been a blackhole of worthlessness that take all the joy fun and cheer out of a room split it a part and make it completely unrecognizable i m the worst person i know personally everything just feel so hard my wife just told me today that we have a meeting with social security for disability benefit tomorrow and there wa some paperwork that needed to be handled i completely lost it for 0 minute after she told me that i couldn t stop thinking about way to kill myself before the meeting tomorrow i m so not ok and not being around anymore would definitely be better than existing a i currently am amp x 00b sorry this is a rambling mess i m really fucked up right now and i just needed to get this off my chest i m not going to actually kill myself that is waaaaay more effort than i currently have energy for

i am 0 married year this october and a four year old about to start school none of this matter when i m expected to pick up the slack for my family and their failing my sister wa diagnosed with schizophrenia my parent have no idea how to deal with it having lived with chronic depression their entire life and relying on faith to get them through she s refusing treatment medication and in denial of her condition it s a constant cycle of her being unstable hospitalized until shes able to manipulate the doctor that she s okay and go home to torment u my brother is leaving his military job after year and freaking out because he doesn t think he ll survive a a civilian i m fairly certain he ha his own mental issue stemming from way back but he s also just barnacled on to me for guidance i wanted to kill myself i wa about to and i called and got help and i ve been on medication for year i struggled with alcoholism in my early 0 and decided to stay sober for my daughter and i m finding it hard to hang on with all of this going on i m finding it hard to help people who don t want to help themselves but if i don t then everything just go to hell and i m the one to blame because i m the smart one and have to guide everyone where they re supposed to go it s exhausting having to care for people who refuse to accept they have issue i feel like i m being punished for being the only one in my family for having had the fortitude to acknowledge my mental illness it s taking a toll on my marriage and i am scared of the consequence of what that would entail i worry for my child because if i can t take care of myself then i can t take care of her i m staring at the same abyss that wa before me those year ago when i wa spiraling and i don t want to be here again anyway thanks for hearing me out reddit i just needed to verbalize it to make sure i m not just imagining it all

for the last week my mental health had been in a good place but i recently got some bad news and i already can feel myself spiralling like crazy what are some good way to ground myself i have tried breathing technique and i am on some medication for the first time in my life i have the urge to get a bottle of vodka and drink it i just want to be sitting at my desk happy and laughing and maybe this will help sorry about the formatting i have an injured hand at the moment

i know vain reason to be depressed but i ve been so rejected all my life that it would be good to know if somebody remembers me

i ve just had enough of everything i don t know what to do anymore or who to talk to i tried to end my life twice through overdose and that didn t work i have episode where i just don t want to be here anymore i get agitated and it doesn t matter what anyone say or doe it doesn t make it any better i fear that i will have an episode of contemplating suicide and i ll just jump off a bridge it s like my mind take over and i don t think of anyone else my last resort is sectioning and i know what it s like i live in uk but i feel like that would be the safest environment for me where i can focus on getting better without having that constant worry of ending my life can anyone provide any advice at all i would appreciate it i just feel like my life is so pointless growing up with a disability being bullied always feeling different to everyone else childhood trauma and now having a constant battle everyday with my mental health i try to get on with life but i always feel like it would be better if i wasn t here

i wish thing were different in life i m just a useless piece of shit that deserves to die i deserve all the pain i m about to receive that s just the way it is

i feel completely exhausted my life isn t going anywhere and i ve got nobody to turn to

i am struggling with depression for about a year now it make me do thing i don t want to do i ve lost a good friend that i ve known over year because my mind told me to hate him i started calling him name and told him that i want this friendship to end i apologized so many time explained everything and tried to stay in contact but now we just go our way my best friend know about my depression and always support me but today they started arguing with me i think they are getting sick of me my mind tell me to hate them too but i luckily can t bring myself to cut them off my body is very often freezing i m sometimes even heavily shaking because of this idk why is this related to my depression my suicidal thought are getting worse i don t really want to die but i don t want to live either wait no i do want to die but i am too afraid of failing an attempt and having to live with the injury i might get doe anyone else have these problem doe anyone know how to deal with this also doe anyone wan na talk i feel lonely and i don t want to bother my friend

i spent my whole life being bullied by everyone including biological family now i m an adult and i m forced to make money quick and the only way in my situation is college and a job i don t wan na spend my whole working and being bullied at home that s not my life anymore i want the freedom of death i considered it year ago but now it s the real thing i got ta make the decision now and i m just thinking about how relieving it would be realize the knife is already in too deep and there s no going back the only thing that matter now is nothing and that s how it ll always be i really really really want that so bad especially now when i realized i can t wait out my pain any longer

yeah i know most people probably see all this a a joke but i ve seriously got no friend or anyone to talk or turn to it s seriously bringing me down even more it s a if i m not even good enough for an online friendship my depression make me feel so isolated and lonely in life and i m sick of it

i m just a complete mess right now

i have rewritten this post a hundred time and i have lurked this page trying to build up the courage to write my own i don t even care if anyone read this but i need to just finally get it off my chest a i have no one to confide in due to my career if i get help for my mental health i am basically saying goodbye to everything i have been working towards but i can t take it anymore everyday i pretend to be the picture perfect person who only feel happiness i hide how i am truly feeling and it ha become so exhausting to just get out of bed everyday my whole life ha been filled with abandonment and people who have only used me for their own personal gain no one ha ever truly cared for me not even my so called family i have isolated myself from everyone around me to prevent any further pain in doing this i have isolated myself from feeling any emotion at all i ve tried working through my abandonment issue and began to let people in and trust more just for them to show me exactly why i cut everyone out to begin with i am always alone and i feel a though i am no longer living i am just here taking up space and air i have felt this way for long that i don t even know if i have any real emotion anymore i don t know what to do i just want to feel something again

why do i feel worthless

im y o my mom died when i wa 9 and ever since then ive had no motivation to do anything i used to be into sport a lot football baseball basketball track and i wa pretty good at it too but ever since my mom passed i just cant seem to be happy fr people always ask me why i gave up why my grade went down why im not how i wa year ago when i go to school im a pretty popular person and i d like to think im a pretty funny person and fun person to be around but when i get home im alone just me and my thought and it literally killing me ive thought about killing myself multiple time and im sure the only reason i haven t is because i couldn t put my father through that please give me some type of advice i honestly dont think i can do this any longer amp x 00b i posted this under a different subreddit about two week ago i took the advice people gave to me and it didint work everything just feel like it wont get better no matter how hard i try i genuinely feel like there no escape and that killing myself is the best option people always say oh you need to do what would make your mother happy okay and what about what make me happy i wan na play sport again so badly but my dad to scared to let me because he doesn t want me to lose sight in my other eye to be honest football basketball and baseball where some of the only thing that made me happy and now that i cant play them it just make everything worse i just miss my mom she wa the only person that made me happy really and i really didnt even get that much time with her

it s so exhausting waking up every morning instantly with a wave of sadness and discontent then the whole day is filled with me trying to keep my mind off of my own thought and trying to chase little happiness i m tired of this why can t i just wake up happy and in a good mood like everyone else i m so exhausted and tired of living like this nothing help and nothing sustains it i try to workout but that doesn t help i m at a loss of thing to do about it this isn t how i want to live life and it s exhausting and more of a burden

hey everyone i recently moved to another country for work this seemed like the best option due to lack of option in my own country the move came just after various treatment facility to manage addiction which i believe wa a side affect of my depression my experience in this new country ha been hectic no one can speak english so making new friend and connection are so difficult i have found myself wallowing in this outside of work i pretty much just sit in my apartment feeling really sad last night i had a dream that pushed me to a new low this morning the dream pretty much had me in a group of friend having a good time i don t remember any of their face there wa even a girl that i remember making me feel loved i dont remember her face either but that connection left me feeling so so alone

i ve been lying for year about how i feel right to people face i feel like i can never be the real me a it would burden other people with my feeling i always sabotage myself by keeping to myself until i break and hurt the other people around me but i just can t get out of the hole i ve dug for myself i m completely burnt out and don t have any motivation to do anything anymore i mean my day literally consist of listening to music and not much else because it s one of the few thing i find joy in i don t enjoy many thing anymore because everything i care about always get taken away i don t understand why i exist at this point is it just to lie to and hurt the people i care for

yeah two people fucked and now i m here i know i know but that s not what i m getting at really why the fuck am i here i have no redeeming quality can t maintain friendship childhood emotional neglect very bad social anxiety depression anxiety ha absolutely fucked my short term cognitive memory i could go on and on but i m not going to because i m simply too fucking tired to do so

i don t know what i want i want logic but it s depressing i want hope but it s uncertain i want peace but alway feel at war am i the villain

doe anyone else think that depression can t be cured treatment resistant depression is a term that i think about and seeing that some people may just be born to have it and deal with it for life no matter what you could have the most idealistic life imaginable and have no identifiable trigger and still be depressed and if it s down to serotonin dopamine or whatever anyone think is happiness isn t working and nothing is making a difference then what is there to fix it i m told about coping mechanism from everyone i talk to about it who s qualified and a a psychology uni dropout the little i think i ve learned ha not given any answer that satisfy this a coping these day just isn t something that make sense to me a everything i try feel like a waste of effort to distract from the inevitable thought of wanting to essentially meet the earth and feeling nothing no idea really why i m asking this a it s not really going to be a easy post to find a reply for i understand that but it doe kind of seem that feeling crap all the time could just be a natural decision made by whoever whatever or nothing beforehand for u to deal with until the end

hello i am year old an an male i feel completly empty especally when iam in shool i laugh but i dont find the joke funny at all i just dont wan na make them feel bad but it hurt me fake laughting and when iam home i am glad that i am away from shool because for me shool is like an room where everyday it the same thing but in different subject i just feel empty thank you for reading my text sorry for my bad english

so me and my boyfriend met at we were friend for yr first we had the same grade in school and got into the same top university fast forward to our final year at university my boyfriend take a different major to me he is getting top grade and had a great job lined after he graduate i on the other hand have completely given up on life i gave up learning to drive seeing my friend going to class i m probably not graduating i gave up on wanting to do something with my art aswell i spent my last year physically and mentally ill i worked so many hour a a a waitress because my family are really low on money but ive even given up on working a lot he s just more bubbly and smart compared to me he s also not a poor a i am he s just better than me

i don t have motivation to do anything concerning school or work i m constantly tired despite getting proper amount of sleep i don t have any particular emotion towards anything i ve grown to hate the idea of going out with friend now because of how ugly i feel and low i think about myself i always think about my weight thinking what to eat and when i ve never had thought about sh until a few day ago for the past four month i ve been feeling like i have depression hating my life ha become the new norm for me and i keep waiting for when this feeling will end with no luck

today i took the very scary choice of going to the hospital i don t know if i needed to but i wasn t sure how safe i wa and wanted to be careful a few hour a benzo and a long therapy session later i wa out and feeling pretty great about myself i did the right thing i relied on professional help i made sure i wasn t burdening my family and then my wife told me she didn t want me to come home and this just fucking broke me can you imagine getting out of the hospital after a surgery or accident and having your spouse tell you they don t want to see you would anyone say after you got out your appendix you weren t there for me today so i don t want to see you i understand and respect that being with someone with a mental illness is really hard i have done so many thing that would totally justify leaving me but what s breaking me is that the thing that i am getting turned away for wasn t my horrible behavior but the time i did the right thing the time i got help

my mood change fast and i don t think i am bipolar a it s usually a reason why my mood change and it can all change in a day like i m in a good mood and then like couple hour past and i just get negative thought and i m down again like i already lost people this year my ex best friend who used to be my best friend like year ago and losing him a a friend this year didn t really hurt a it wa my decision to cut him out of my life he wa a real bad narcissist and probably a sociopath so cutting him out felt good the one thing that hurt is losing my sister a we used to be so close but recently she became a lot more social and ha a lot of friend and she doesn t even want to speak to me or spend time with me anymore even though i m the older sibling i m and she s 0 it s just scary how easy people can just leave your life and even though i have a best friend that is good to me and i am talking to a girl but i m just worried it will end a i m just bad with my emotion probably because of my anxiety i m really not sure how i can get better like sometimes i feel great it feel like euphoric even like i m more hyper talkative and confident but it never last long and then i m just back to my usual mood just being sad depressed and anxious i know somethings wrong with me probably i tried cbt therapy for anxiety and depression but it didn t really help me i m on an antidepressant a well which ha never worked on me i just take it a it make me sleep i hate living like this i just want to smoke weed and get drunk so that i can stop all the negative thought and i hate it it feel like my life is a mess it s so much effort to get out of my bed and i just hate my life like wtf sometimes i feel like going to thailand and becoming spiritual or something

i m currently trying to go no contact with narcissistic family it s so hard to do because i have younger sibling who i can t contact or help at all parent are using them a leverage against me i don t have their landline blocked because that s the only way my sibling can reach me if need be so once every few month i receive a call from my father love bombing me i feel like i m going crazy i have so much guilt disappointment anger and more i ve been trying all week to get into therapy but my insurance is being a po and every place that supposedly is in network turn out not to be the only thing keeping me going is knowing i need to be better to help my sibling and staying strong for my bf and his family they are all i have which kill me i have no family no substantial friend i feel so alone and like no one is willing to work with me to help i m trying to not get suicidal or self harm but i m on the verge of having a mental breakdown unless something give

there is nothing more suffocating than the feeling that youre gon na live your life alone it take a lot of strength to not fall apart specially if you already tasted what is like to share your life with someone and knowing that youre gon na be all on your own by the rest of the path i ve spent the last year dreaming abour growing old with someone i consider to be a gift from the heaven only for that dream to be shattered a week ago it s been more than 0 day and im still stuck in despair i cant even sleep in my bed without thinking of him i refuse to find somsomeone else because whats the point in trying to top perfection only to poorly fill the whole your ex left and get your already pulverized heart shattered once more i ve lost my passion to live i ve been carrying anxiety and panic attack for a few year i wa already barely holding it together but this i just the last straw i dont even have a shoulder to cry on anymore what s the point

i don t know how to get better i m gon na pursue help because of someone really important to me i feel like i ve been bad to them or just that they deserve better and sometimes i just don t know how to try hard enough or feel something sometimes and it kill me inside i m worried the people i go to for help professional won t understand me or won t be able to help me i just wan na get better for this person so i can always have a clear head and understand what s going on and try my best for them all i wan na tell them is i m sorry i m sorry

i feel worse than ever i need more burn than i thought i started using cigarette burn i thought this wa going to be better than cutting but it s worse much much worse i need help the guy i talked to in dm wa right i need help i just don t know where to start

no not everyone suffered from depression not everyone found everything exhausting yeah everyone had their own struggle that cant be compared to another but not everyone got depressed from their struggle i just dong understand why god pick me to have depression life is so unfair i ve been thinking about this about a few day

i am on the train with feeling of regret sadness lonliness disappointment and nostalgia most importantly dealing with uncertainty about the future we could die tomorrow thus the train crashed killing me i could end up homeless i could end up penniless i could end up in a wheelchair i could be super disabled i m just trying to make good with what i have and to not be sorry for what i don t hope is an addictive drug that stimulates dopamine but depression give me doubt

i really struggle with depression and increadibly miserable thought about myself and what i do i also struggle with realising what i like or enjoy doing wearing watching etc in a few word i struggle with knowing my interest i feel no emotion for life at all i just see myself doing everyday stuff i need to survive a a human being do you have any suggestion on how i can help myself on speaking much better about myself and what i like sth to enjoy and be interested in like should i tell myself repetitively for instance i enjoy dancing rather than i just do it because i have to because some people say i do it beautifully but i m not sure about it or i don t feel good about it should i write down everyday sth like for instance i write well i read well i like writing i enjoy writing instead of i just write beacuse is needed at work because i have to people use to say i speak well in front of people but i just do it i don t feel anything it s known that depression steal u the joy of life and everyday existance it steal our curiosity in everything i leave everything because i feel no interest on it i just want to feel engaged in sth i m exhausted of not feeling anything good but i have no money for therapy atm can you help me thanks is advance

im the last hour everything fell apart my wife is kow filing for divorce anyone got advice on how to live with yourself and the world if that happens

month almost of being chronically unwell and not the same person because of shithead fucking parent forced me to go back on a medication that didn t help nobody cared i wa lulled into thinking it could never do something like this to me no positive covid test no positive test for other virus like lyme i guess lexapro just decided to ruin my life for whatever reason i m not linking my story for the millionth fucking time i m this is my life fuck this i can t even cry because the medication fucked my brain up so badly

i am so tired of living i don t think i ve been truly passionate about anything since i wa year old i am turning in a few month mentally i still feel like i am year old there are so many experience and opportunity that i have missed out on over the year and it s so difficult to imagine a future for myself after college because i don t have the energy or the motivation to do anything but the bare minimum for the longest time in high school i didn t have plan for college because i didn t see myself making it past i feel like i am presently existing past my life s expiration date i chose to pursue fine art in college because drawing is the one thing i am genuinely talented at and yet i dread every moment i have to sit down and draw this semester i shortened my course load to two online class and one in person class and i am still struggling to keep up it s incredibly difficult for me to focus on anything for more than minute before i feel exhausted i have been told that i am talented enough to sell print of my art yet i can barely make piece to add to my professional portfolio i m too afraid to let myself think about what i am even going to do once i graduate because i know this disorder ha completely destroyed any semblance of a work ethic that i may have once had i am slowly losing all my friend because i can t do anything fun anymore two of my closest friend who are also my roommate don t invite me to anything social anymore i am saddened by this but wonder if i even have the right to feel that way a i probably wouldn t go if i wa invited a i don t have the energy for anything anymore i shortened my course load to two online class and one in person class and i am still struggling to keep up every time i feel remotely okay it last for what feel like a second and then i m sinking down even deeper sometimes i wish i could lay down fall asleep and never wake up i don t even feel sad i just feel nothing at all

i am so tired of having depression i hate how hard it is to get up and do the most basic thing day out of the week i don t even eat dinner because i can t get out of bed i m tired of having to put in the extra effort to hide it at work and in front of my family i ve been single for a year and a half after a year and a half long relationship but my social anxiety ha gotten so bad i can t even put myself out there i m so lonely but too afraid to make an attempt i don t think i could ever actually kill myself but i think about how much easier it would be if i wasn t alive a lot more than i used to

i ve been experiencing huge bout of just feeling unmotivated not useful i ve been randomly just tearing up but it never last long i don t feel like i have a reason to cry but i do and i don t know what to do there s other stuff but i don t want to drag on too long i also just miss how thing were i ve woken up like this for the past week and it s persisted throughout the day

i ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder about two year ago and wa put on medication felt better and the med were tapered off i however feel it returning and most day seem like shit i can wake up and do normal work like i do however there s a constant feeling of sadness that s overwhelming and i worry about a lot of thing around me i worry that i wa a horrid person to my parent and the people around me doe it ever go away i don t want to be dependent on medication for the rest of my life

month on turned 0 month ago had mental breakdown anxiety attack followed by spiral of depression ended up resigning from job month ago a a result currently in therapy and on med sleep is slowly improving though i wake up early some morning overthinking and anxious i have day i feel good then i feel depressed and then i feel anxious still get strong feeling of dread negative thought and strong feeling of being unaccomplished im not sure if this is normal but i got told med will take some time to kick in still exercising started a new job day ago doing something different my goal for the next few year is to sort out and get this all under control and stabilise my career life also trying to remember and take note of all the positive thing in my life and achievement i have accomplished also looking into a potential career change

i want to get my life together but i feel like i haven t accomplished anything i m taking adult education class now and i m trying to get a part time job but no luck so far i haven t had a job before so i m not very optimistic i live with family and i feel like a leech i m trying to contribute with whatever i can like cleaning but i feel so worthless unwanted and like a burden my father died recently and i want to live the best life that i can for him but i m wondering if i even can i just want thing to work out i ve been trying to be positive but it s so difficult

i ve been more a lot more depressed than normal for a while today i had therapy session and while i wa in there i realized i couldn t remember almost anything about last week anymore this month ha been extremely stressful for me in term of school and work and i basically shut down at the end of last week i couldn t do anything anymore but now i can t remember almost anything about last week and it s only tuesday

no i don t want to kill myself but i want to die i reflect on the last 0 year of my life and see nothing good and can t see the future improving my mom just died my longest relationship recently ended terribly and with abuse i have addictive behavior i never seem to kick and i don t see it changing i ve gone to therapy i m trying to find another good therapist but haven t heard back from voicemail i ve left so far if you have a response i appreciate it but please don t share vague generality tell me your personal hurt experience will carry more with me than it get better or similar platitude i m hurting i need to hear the hurt others have been able to endure to feel encouraged i never thought i could feel so empty and so sad and so angry i hate living right now i never thought i d ever feel so bad edit i have nobody i have my job and i have my dog my family isn t the support system i wish it wa i don t have any real friend i ve tried reaching out but everyone is busy with their own problem

about three week ago i quit my job of year after believing spending all my time at work wa making me severely depressed day after i quit were the happiest i ve been in a long time but it quickly went away and i got trapped into another very depressed cycle i haven t put any work towards anything in week just moping around all day until i have to go to sleep my biggest problem is that i feel like i m watching my dream die i would love to entertain people like how most people do on youtube etc but i have no talent no skill and a horrible lisp i ve started many project but have stopped all of them really early a i have no motivation to keep doing them anyway the only option i have left in life is to go work another job be unhappy and live the same miserable life or i can kill myself it sound bad but i don t have any problem with suicide my whole life is built on regret and failure with nothing that i can truly be proud of honestly i don t want to go through with this but it feel like the better choice

hi i wa wondering if anyone ha this happen to them i have have had depression for decade i have good day and bad day no period that last for week or month like i did when i first started having symptom 0 year ago thank god it is mostly occasional bad bout most often i just have a dull low depression that i can dell with using moving muscle using cognitive dispute today i had one of the rare event that i used to get often i wake up early have a cup or two of coffee yet i feel really exhausted i slept fine the night before i end up having breakfast but that exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming and i go back to bet by 9am the entire day consists of me sleeping having lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dream the dream are not nightmare in fact they are rather creative but the local and situation are like the came from somebody imagination in a distant galaxy they would make really interesting sci fi fantasy i also dream about being lonely i have no family few friend one thing i remember wa this gut wrenching sadness about a girl i dated over 0 year ago thought she wa the one but it fell apart after about 0 to hour i get up have something to eat i feel hung over an d it is like a storm passed through my brain spent it s energy and now calm ha returned i wa wondering if anyone else had had similar experience like this it would be concerning if it wa a frequent occurrence which it once wa in the early day of depression again that wa decade ago thanks in advance for any observation or comment peace

this is a question i m struggling with for year now i wa a neglected child of an alcoholic father lot of trauma i m diagnosed with depression for year now i have this void where love from my parent and family wa supposed to be the problem it s causing is in romantic relationship i get addicted to people which is very unhealthy and it s cause of the lack of self love but how do i love myself what s the cure for this i used to hate myself now i m just neutral i really want to be better and be happy by myself i just have no idea how to do it anyone else struggling with that having an advice for this

my mom slapped me all the time i do not want to study at all from to 0 i stayed with her studying the stuff of a student i ate the school so much and also my mother she treated me very bad because i wasn t the type of child that have all 0 in the school report but neither all when i took i wa a failure and no one talk in the house when i take 9 i wa a good student an object in which transfer all they re expectation and hope win with a lot of people and lose alone this is my life even today when i get tired and i kill myself i m not a fucking puppet through which u can manipulate and treat bad i m tired of all of this to feel a failure myself and also not so good looking because for them i m fat now i m sad

after month of doin good i fucked up my depression hit hard and i isolated myself from everyone i stopped talking to my best friend which made her upset and now she want nothing to do with me she wa the last friend i had if i could tell her anything it s i m sorry i should ve been better friend tonight i m not smoking or drinking because i believe we can always get back on our foot someday

my lifestyle and world view for sure seem like a depressed person no motivation almost everything i do is anxiety driven privately my life is a mess and who doesn t feel like we re all screwed nowadays however i usually feel happy or content at any given moment i kinda just don t think about the problem and vibe i m usually having a pretty decent time i m not often sad or cry thinking about the future is upsetting and overwhelming but i try not to i keep getting diagnosed with depression i can kinda see it but usually when i see depression represented it s either with sadness or with no feeling and talk like not enjoying music or anything i still enjoy stuff though is this a thing do others feel this way edit i started lexapro today and went searching for ppl to relate to but i feel kinda alienated from others who are depressed i feel like bringing my energy to other depressed folk would just make them feel worse about feeling bad

everyone here know it s difficult to do anything while depressed even getting out of bed or brushing your teeth can sap all your strength appetite usually go out the window a well which lead to low blood sugar exhaustion etc here s what i reach for when i have to force myself to eat any type of smoothie shake i usually use a low glycemic berry oatmilk and kale or spinach protein powder is good also to add a bit more calorie chia seed for the fiber to keep you satiated longer bone broth or soup again very little prep time and you re not actually eating just drinking bone broth alone ha very little calorie but the protein content will help your malfunctioning brain work a bit better any type of nut or seed they pack a ton of calorie in just a handful doesn t feel like you are eating a meal no prep time

everything and everyday is a struggle because i don t feel like nothing make sense i wake up on my way to work i just keep thinking why why eating why working why having a hobbie why do you guy feel it too and how to deal with that

look i know everyone ha a sad story to tell i m no different and i know that in reality no one truly care about your past i don t even give a shit about my past anymore but i have nothing left in me i don t have anything to fight for even out of spite the world suck as my life ha had plenty of shitty time and a handful of good one but i m at my final limit rent is due again in about a week after month of being unemployed i still have no job i interview constantly i research how to be better i have a degree i have applied to anything and everything i m practically begging for work now and still nothing i have no money left i have no family i have applied at job i m qualified for with all of my experience but also grocery store coffee shop restaurant anything that say it s hiring i m not going to be able to pay my half of the rent next week and when i think about it it make me so ill that i ll puke thinking about how am i going to look my partner in the face and tell him that i just don t have any money left he ha seen me struggling he know i haven t had a job since november i have credit card debt i don t spend any extra money ever i have food stamp i think about ending everything every day all i do is try to not cry constantly i can barely muster up fake smile anymore i have never felt so down in my entire life i feel a though i have been cursed but even then that would give me hope a that would mean it could be broken somehow maybe i have never felt so close mentally to believing truly believing that i wanted to die i just don t want to face this i really can t exist like this in this life anymore i don t see a way out

i feel empty inside most of the time i am trying to find my purpose to live again but it kinda hard for the first time ever in my life i feel like i can t overcome the struggle i m facing right now i am telling myself im doing okay im doing better but at the end of the day i found myself drinking and smoking by myself again i stopped smoking for a year and a half until last month me right now is exactly the person im trying to get rid of year ago after year i found myself doing all the thing i hate and i know it is bad for me again my best friend s birthday day is today i asked her hey what do you want ask a thank you because she wa there for me when i am facing my first panic attack first time understand what s depressed she said i want you to live that s all i need for people out there who is having suicidal thought like me just remember that there will be a person who expects to see you in the future if you feel like there is no one next to you maybe they will show up in the future

i choosed depression out of my own choice i wonder if others are like this or most are just victim of life please answer your response

i ve never been good at talking to people about how i m doing and most of the time i ll just tell everyone i m fine and move on i have a very close friend and they re the only person i ve ever felt comfortable talking to i trust them with absolutely everything and we ve helped each other through so much a week ago or so they told me thing were changing and they ve sort of left we barely talk anymore and they told me they re still gon na be here for me but i really just don t feel it anymore it could just be my head making it seem a lot worse than it actually is but it really feel like they don t care at all anymore like they used to and it seems like they just don t even wan na talk to me anymore it hurt a lot to think that i used to always text them or something when thing were bad just so i could have someone to talk to but now i don t really have that anymore and i don t know what happened anyways ig no one s got ta respond but i just needed somewhere where i could say this

i have no friend i have no talent and im not smart either im not loved i am just their utility i feel like this life is not worth living there is nothing ahead of me i have no interest no passion nothing

i m 0 and have never even been on a date with a girl before everything ha just gone wrong growing up there were so many time where thing almost changed almost got in a group of people i wanted to be with almost would no longer have been alone but every time something at the last second happens and i lose it forever sometimes my fault but usually not i ve stopped getting my hope up for anything i know it will always just never work out it s like i m destined to just always be like this i had a few friend in high school no one i could ever connect with though i didn t care though maybe i could meet new people through them but for some reason anytime anything interesting would happen with them it wa when i wa gone anytime i am with them same usual boring shit i m not there something crazy happens i started going to college recently i really wa hoping doing this i would meet people make friend but even doing thing like going to event and regularly attending class just nothing i love talking to and meeting people but i just never get placed in the right place at the right time and the moment i get close i fuck up again or something else happens i downloaded some dating apps just to try to meet people i know i wouldn t have much success a a short medium attractive guy i would maybe get a match a week if i wa lucky and we d send a couple message but nothing more last week i finally got someone s contact info and we set up plan to go on a date i wasn t particularly interested in this girl but wa just exited to finally go on a date i had a class for the time we planned but that didn t matter i can miss it thing were finally going well and then last night i suddenly remembered nothing is ever supposed to go well i always get so close so this morning i check my phone she had blocked me i didn t even feel anything it s just how everything go for me i thought i m not angry at her or anything she probably just decided last minute she didn t want to go i m tired i m done trying i m killing myself next week maybe if i keep putting myself out there i ll actually meet someone but it s an endless cycle my depression make it so hard to do that which just cause me to get more depressed what is supposed to break this cycle i ve tried medication no effect therapy i ve tried may therapist and they ve all told me the same bull shit i ve already heard i don t really want to die it would be nice for thing to work out for once but with the cycle i m in nothing will ever change and i don t see a way of breaking it if thing will just be like this forever why bother continuing sorry for this absolute wall of text if you actually read this cool i guess i just needed to write all my thought out gon na go to sleep now bye tl dr god fucking hate me

fuck antidepressant all i want is a hug i know a hug will make me feel so good right now that s it that s my cent

i m just tired of coming second to finding a partner and not being chosen over someone they say someone is out there for everyone but i don t think so they say don t go looking someone will come find you but i don t think so they say it will fall into your lap when you least expect it but i don t think so these situation have happened but they always fail i m just tired of not being enough

bro my life ha been so horrible it s unpleasant it piss me off and make me very sad since my life is just waking up having breakfast going to school studying coming home having lunch studying sleeping dinner is sleeping again it s this cycle that always repeat i have friend but they don t even care about me i don t even know why i consider them friend it s my family it s just me my mother and two brother and i don t have uncle i don t know why i m the middle child it s my mother i feel like she hate me because it wa because of me that i made my mother my father divorced since i found out about my father i i wa having an affair with a woman i don t even know and since then i never spoke to my father again my mother often even treat me badly verbally and physically attacking me and i can t hit her because she is my mother and my brother are the only one that i consider friend because they care about my existence but they are very reserved many time they even lock themselves in their room but these last few month i have a great idea of running away from home is to end up leaving the city to have a new life yes people i have money i can survive a whole month and i know it s hard to get a job but i m willing to leave this miserable life but for now it s just an idea that i still don t have the courage to do and i also don t want to leave my brother because i m afraid to leave them what should i do leaving everything is starting a new life or continue a is

lately i ve been feeling like i m about to reach my lowest again i tried to kill myself on december 0 i ve been depressive a lot of time since then but i feel this time im inch away from getting to that state again but what i want to know is this have you ever have this thought maybe everyone is gon na be better if i just stop being alive nothing is gon na chance if i m not here what s the point of still being alive and suddenly have a lot but a lot of guilt for thinking this thats one of the thing that get me in tear the guilt of thinking this way when i m supposed to be okay after this year

caring start to feel so exhausting it excites you fill you up only to leave you empty a a distant memory of what you once were i don t know if it s them or me anymore don t even care just want out hell is others

i m am very depressed i m getting a degree that i have no interest in getting a job in i work in a retail store and feel like i m going to end up stuck in these type of job forever i play video game hour every day i eat unhealthy my living situation stress me out tremendously i don t want to move back in with my parent but i also can t afford to live on my own i have no passion no drive no meaning in life i m so lost why do i feel like i m losing all control of my life like the world is crumbling around me and i m slowly beginning to fall towards my end the worst part about it is i already know what i have to do to fix my depression work out sleep well quit weed quit masturbating quit nicotine eat well and most importantly stop playing video game i just never do any of them sometimes i ll go a few day good get this sense of euphoria and tell myself everything is fine why am i even worried about the future right now i don t need to do any of this stuff i can fix my life whenever then i go back into my depressive whole i cut off everyone and isolate myself background please don t suggest therapy i ve been to three separate therapist ongoing for the last three year

i am just jealous of so many thing i don t have depression destroyed my memory and i can t remember anything what make thing worse is this is my final school year and i have final exam in around a month i know i will fail because i physically can not remember anything every time i see people learn i feel jealousy that they can do thing i can t the jealousy appears also when it come to my two friend they both have other friend than me so they can leave me anytime they feel like it they also don t talk to me that much and spend more time with those other friend they also wanted to do something nice to one of my friend and didn t even invited me to spend time with them it just hurt i tell myself i just need to meet more people either online or irl but it s hard and i m just trying to ignore my true feeling i wa always there for everyone since i can remember and all i get in return is being ignored and forgotten i started to think about myself more and now i m rude and only thinking about myself but i don t care they are not the kind of people i want to be friend with if you reached this point thank you for reading i just wanted to anonymously tell my true feeling and thought to someone have a nice day

hey everyone so the title say it all been going through depression since i wa around the age of currently i am and beginning to lose to my demon this often push me to take thing to the extreme for example if i want to achieve something then i become obsessed with it and go all out so to say otherwise i feel dead inside people think of me a this strong individual because i have never shown my weakness to anyone even my family so everyone is oblivious to my inner suffering it s a pure living hell it s like having rabies but instead of dying it constantly attack your brain and make you think of irrational thing day in and day out i don t have anything to brag about in my normal life average job no education after high school no car no girlfriend no friend no money to go on holiday nothing the only thing that i got going for myself is my gym addiction built a decent physique over the year and planned to actually compete ironically i had all of these thing minus the money part when i wa in high school lost the ability to smile a well i laugh at joke at funny thing but my heart is dead i became unable to form relationship of any kind whether they d be romantic or friend related just recently lost my business too i am in debt on top of that how do you fight demon who always drag you back down to the bottom of a dark empty ocean every time you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel thank you for reading p s i am not suicidal just want to smile again

i found out last year that i had major depression disorder which i wasn t surprised at because my whole life since i wa i ve been depressed however i m realizing i also have body dysmorphia bc i just hate the way i look body wise when i stand i can see my fatty ab but when i sit it just a big pile of fat and it frustrating because i workout everyday non stop and linit my eating people say real people men know what a woman s body is supposed to be like well guess what we live in 0 it s supposed be in shape and that s what most expect i m just so over it because those same people who say yeah thats a real woman s body are the same people liking every single big as flat ab photo i try to push myself everyday and today im over it i can t keep going on like this

i m so numb i m now living just because i m alive but i m really dead inside each day is a loop of sleeping and drinking i barely eat i don t do anything at all

from an external point of view i have the perfect life i have worked really hard my whole life i studied hard in school got scolarship for university in my late 0 making figure have a beautiful house and a caring partner but i have rarely felt happy in my life i don t remember the last time i wa genuinely happy since about year ago my mood started going really downhill and right now i am at a point where even eating or taking a shower is a chore i drag myself everyday to work and do bare minimum and now i am scared that i might lose my job but then again i can no longer force myself to do any work i feel like i have used up my energy and passion most of the night when i go to bed i fantasize about not waking up and how nice it seems i am completely empty of any feeling and feel nothing toward my partner i am taking medicine and working out at least time a week but no good i also fantasize about breaking up with my partner but i m afraid i am gon na regret it cause i will be completely alone i am so done with everything i just wan na feel some taste and color in my life again but i feel like it might never happen

i m year old and i am so sad because life is pointless i feel like i know everything i know how life is supposed to go get a good job find a significant other do exciting thing together maybe have kid meet new people do different activity all through out life travel to new place get old and die somehow then what this whole idea of life is so boring i hate that i keep looking so far into life so analytically thats how depression make me see everything analytically and it is exhausting because i can never truly truly enjoy something i know life can be beautiful and fun at time in the moment it can be but i don t know why it s just not enough for me there ha to be something else to life something better there ha to be more right how am i supposed to do this everyday until i die that is such a long time i don t know how long i m going to last thinking like this make me the literal most boring person ever i feel bad for my friend the few i have i m so boring i never put passion into conversation because i seriously do not care enough because none of it matter and it s all pointless i feel so bad about myself and for everyone around me i m horrible please please help me find meaning in this gut wrenching life

i 9 f moved to a different state to support my partner while they re at school we went from a duel income household to me being the breadwinner i wa diagnosed with adhd anxiety and depression last year and am on med and in therapy i just keep screwing up at work the work isn t hard but i m making stupid mistake i feel like im not doing anything correctly i try to be thorough and am told by my bos that i m getting too caught up in the detail i try to be quick and cover the basic and am told that it isn t my best work i have no idea what to do i m told to ask question if i don t understand by my bos and when i do she s short with me example i asked if i should include document with a proposal because the last time i did there wa push back from someone saying they didn t need to provide the document she replied if i wa asking if i needed to follow to the standard operative procedure i feel stuck my performance ha been worse partially due to depression which ha affected my focus cue adhd issue med for that aren t working great i just feel so stuck i m literally cry once a week bc i feel like i m failing so badly i m literally doing working extra because i m behind and not charging for it bc i just feel like i m so behind i started this new job and wa immediately sent home to telework full time so i can t just ask the people around me for help

i can t deal with living like this family doesn t care grandparent have low energy amp make me feel old too no work or friend

i don t know how can someone be this much of a failure i suck i have no social skill hell i have no skill in general people say everyone is good at something but not me i suck at everything why am i like this

the title sum up my whole life perfectly i wa born to a loving caring family my father is my personal hero a real masculine role model who taught me pretty much everything i know my mother gave me all the love a child can ask for they were always supportive in all the good thing that i used to do but always very strict about the bad thing when i chose a career path they paid for a private school which i m so grateful for high school wa the best time of my life they supported me in sport i used to be an amateur middleweight boxer i love them both dearly that s why it hurt so much knowing that i m nothing but a disappointment a burden a leech to them i made the worst decision possible after i finished high school i got accepted into the best technical university in my country it is so embarrassing to think back about it now i actually thought it wa an achievement to study i m ashamed to even type this be free to laugh software engineering i can t explain how a person can do something so stupid i only recently found out that most programmer and software engineer with a master degree which only about of student finish make minimum wage if they are lucky i m from the czech republic central europe programming is a dying career here everything is getting outsourced to the east job are disappearing left and right moving to a different country is not an option since i don t know any foreign language except for english which i m really not good at a you can see and most position require you to know the language of that nation anyway if you want to work in poland you got to know polish etc it s soul crushing to think that all this hard work is worth nothing and even if i manage to finish my degree i m gon na be making the same salary a people with no education and skill whatsoever the minimum wage here in czechia is not enough to afford even a room apartment so i m either gon na live in my parent basement for the rest of my life or i m gon na end up homeless if they decide to kick me out and probably freeze to death when it get cold but then again i m the only one to blame here i should have been thinking more when choosing a career path it s too late to change my profession now firstly because of all the money that my parent invested into it i feel like cry writing that and secondly because i know deep down that i can only do this that i would be a complete failure trying anything else the moment reality of my situation hit me my life took a bad turn a you can imagine having those thought every day just ravage your mental health i can t sleep properly and there are sequence of day when i don t eat anything i m losing weight i would be a lightweight boxer by now but i stopped training anyway my grade got worse i get feeling of despair and misery every day i don t smile anymore i get no joy from anything all my friend are gone i m very lonely i m invisible to woman and i completely lost interest in pursuing relationship no woman is ever gon na date a homeless software engineer i can t remember the last time i had morning wood i m never going to have child my bloodline end with me sorry for the wall of text if you read it all the way here you have my thanks

so i have depression and anxiety for maybe 0 month and month i opened about it to my mom got a therapist and pysologist whatever at starting i wa like everything is gon na be good but it s not i realized ii dont wan na take the high dosage antidepressant and the therapist ain t for me and during all this i had my final for class 9 freshman of highschool i did not study and bit and just wa escaping the reality by playing game all day and avoiding my life and everything so i got my result and i passed all subject but did not pas science so i have to give retest it on and today is and i have been ignoring everything myself my problem my family and just talking to some people i made friend all day to avoid my life i can not avoid it anymore i dont wan na play my life on repeat everyday i also wan na redo the 9th grade but everyone think im dumb to waste a year but i really think i am not ready for the next year cuz of learning nothin this year and i just can not do it i think if i redo 9th grade it s a second chance im giving to meto make thing better slow and without taking hell lotta stress i used to be the perfect child i wish i never got depression it s ruining me and my mom s problem are increasing too i wan na study but i can not i just dont know why i feel so numb anyone got any advice plz

i kept sacrificing a lot of myself for other people who were never gon na stay i keep recreating those dynamic and now that i m aware of the people and behavior to avoid i m completely alone i hate being alive everything is so much harder when you don t have any love and support not that these connection i ve lost were loving and supportive everyday is just a reminder i ll never find my place

hello i am neurotic with symptom of anxiety disorder and ha mild suicide ideation i am generally better the last month i have taken the past year off college to focus on taking care of myself i went to therapy but had recently stopped so i could afford to go to school again this year i think i have been doing well in implementing lifestyle change that improve my mental well being such a setting clear boundary reaching out and eating which is one of my biggest challenge i still struggle to be consistent in aspect of taking care of myself but i wonder what change do you suggest or have tried that helped you a lot in continuing to live i struggle in finding joy or even interest in living and in time of difficulty still ideate my death i know i m sick and that is something i should fix i hope you could help me with your answer they don t have to be big since small change are more sustainable and le overwhelming thank you

idk anymore i m just tired

been on fluoxetine for year but anyway there seems to be some stupid national shortage and i m just constantly having to wait extra week for my med and missing out so i m just gon na come off them i don t think they help anyhow so the plan is to take one every other day for two week then one every day for a week then one every four day for a long a they last doe that sound like i could avoid withdrawal

now i know everyone will say you need some fresh air get outta the house more often i also have real bad anxiety so bad that i only go out one time a day i don t like walking around with money on me or no money at all anyway i ve been smoking weed and eating edible for year because i have real low self esteem and i don t want to just be sad all the time my boyfriend hate it because he say i don t need all of that to be happy which is true but it s already hard enough getting out of bed a it is my boyfriend pretty much get high a much a i do but it s only marijuana and thc that s it nothing other then that he think i should get out more but when i m out i get anxiety because i feel like i m being stared at and judged i love smoking weed because it s good to laugh and when i m high i m not thinking about my low self esteem and body dysmorphia or wanting to harm myself if you ask me it s better then talking to a therapist psychologist

i have bad depression and anxiety over this i need not only advice because i ve been kicked out of hair sub but i need advice for what to say and how to explain to bully in school about my big thick curly hair

it is incredible how much your own mentality can manipulate you the thing is that every day i feel alone and much more alone and with many thought the thing is that i have friend who support me daily but i don t understand why my mind make me think and feel that i am alone and that there is no one else everything that can affect just your mentality is very fucked up

a little over four month ago my relationship of over two year ended my partner left me for the person they told me they couldn t ever love more than me and that i had nothing to worry about i trusted them and they destroyed that i moved back home all the while they gaslit me into thinking it wa my choice once i got home almost a thousand mile away i began to spiral my family wa in the midst of drama between my aging parent one struggling with memory loss the other with alcoholism my dog from high school ha also begun declining and will be crossing the rainbow bridge any week now following the breakup i struggled with alcohol and substance abuse for several month which i ve only just begun to get control of i wa sexually assaulted twice in the span of two month my relative have died of covid i ve been unable to find a good job that actually us my degree in the time since moving home a well i find myself unable to form meaningful connection with friend or family i can t be open with anyone because i don t feel i can trust them i m worried that anyone and everyone could leave me at a moment notice i can t get my ex off my mind and the feeling of inadequacy and abandonment are staying strong i don t feel the ability to love i don t know where i m going with this but it s my first time posting here and i guess i just need to know that i m not alone and that i can stop spiraling and live a good fulfilling life i need to recover from the fallout of what s been my life for about month now i m sorry if this isn t the kind of post i should be making but at this point therapy and psychiatric treatment and medication are all failing me what can i do where do i go from here

it s my first post here and i ll try to keep it short i m male live in greece had depression from age i don t have enough symptom anymore to be classified a depressed and i m starting to feel lost while the therapy and medication i have been taking for the past month have definitely helped me through tough time my biggest enemy is procrastinating especially with my university responsibility i don t love the subject i m studying chemistry but i do think it can help me find a suitable job in the future so i can provide for me and my family and have free time for hobby what i m having a really hard time with is motivation and discipline i m afraid that the lack of those thing can be the end of me i m constantly worried my gf might realise what a lazy person i really am and dump me despite her being really supportive of me the only thing i don t want is grow to be 0 0 and not be able to have a good life with my wife and kid because of my mental problem

sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for a long time in my life all i wanted wa to have someone to be there for me a person that could love me back a much i love them back but now that i have it i don t know if it s what i wanted in my past i had suicidal friend that influenced a huge part of my life i begin to realize how stupid living wa and started to question why we live i m losing all my energy slowly and slowly i find myself losing all motivation and having no goal or dream anymore this reddit is my last ditch effort on seeking help from other people i ve already started to distance from everyone around me i know that i can t be the only one that s been or going through this how were you guy able to keep your energy and have a positive outlook on life

it s all rainy and cloudy and stuff today for me but even if it wasn t i d still feel this way