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daddit

The only thing that would make the analogy complete would be that you also paid for the shake. So basically the guy who sold you the straw is now keeping you from drinking the shake you paid for, just so he can shake down the milkshake seller for some more money.

daddit

It's the infrastructure that we need to argue. Cable companies are crying about costs of not being able to support the bandwidth....they aren't "pinching for no reason." They have a reason, albeit a lame one where they stole taxpayer $. If that's solved for, it's easier to get everyone on board. It's hard to just tell a company that they will lose growth because of this. To shut up and take it. And expect them to do so quietly.

daddit

Tweet this to all members of congress, FCC, Comcast and other ISPs, Consumer Groups, EFF and social media mains. Brilliant.

daddit

Then why are democrats hell bent on raising taxes by charging people by the mile they drive in California? Use more, pay premiums no?

daddit

A valid argument based on a straw man. Love it

daddit

I think you're a liar who just watched *There Will Be Blood*. That's cool though cause I like that movie. Enjoy the karma!

daddit

Then the Government tells him what Milkshakes he can have and taxes the ice cream guy. Before you know it, Free Milkshakes now cost $150/month.

daddit

I call b*llsh*t

daddit

Parenting: You're doing it right.

daddit

All the people crying /r/thathappened!!1! Are pathetic and annoying. No one gives a fuck.

daddit

Did your son also explain that the police are going to start coming in and determining what flavors are allowable and which flavors you shouldn't be allowed to have?

daddit

The only thing I disagree with is the "free milkshakes" part. 1) You have to pay to connect to the internet, so if the internet is the milkshake, its not free. 2) Calling the milkshake free implies the store owner isn't really that much in the wrong, because hes giving you it for free anyway (which he isnt really), so since it is free, you don't have as much of a right to complain.

daddit

This is damned good. You're doing something quite right, sir.

daddit

>Using straws in 2015 > not cutting the closed cup openwith a knife. > not applying obvious common sense

daddit

I want to use s spoon instead of a straw.

daddit

This is why I train at sucking golf balls through garden hoses.

daddit

i don't care i just want more money

daddit

And then the NSA has a straw that reaches accrooooooooss the room and it starts to drink your milkshake. THEY. DRINK. YOUR. MILKSHAKE! THEY DRINK IT UP! *SLUUUUUURP* http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a55/corduroy2l/-i-drink-your-milkshake--630-75.jpg

daddit

Change the analogy to refer to the pipes of the Internet and you might just connect

daddit

I still didn't get it ಠ_ಠ What do you mean by pinching?!

daddit

Buy that kid a milkshake and then put him in Congress please.

daddit

"Don't pinch my straw" is a great name for a net neutrality campaign.

daddit

ELY9

daddit

ELI. I. DRINK. YOUR. MILKSHAKE!

daddit

The most important question...what flavor of ice cream?

daddit

J.E.B. Bush thinks telling the straw seller must cease and desist is "just crazy."

daddit

I'd like to hear his understanding of commercials on cable channels you pay for.

daddit

Tag it ELI9.

daddit

/r/notcirclejerk

daddit

>I don't care. I just want more money. This is the problem. If the motivation was something else, maybe it would make sense, but it isnt.

daddit

Hell, I already pay a monthly fee for the special BLAST straw!

daddit

This is great. I have always wondered why people don't cover the consumer angle more. I already paid for access to the Internet - that's literally the precise thing I am paying an ISP for. If the ISP then restricts my access to certain content then they are not delivering the product I paid for.

daddit

Does no memes allowed mean I can't post a meme in comments? I DON'T WANT TO ANGER THE REDDIT GODS!

daddit

Yeah, nooo... because the guy who sold the straw still has to maintain the straw, and pay taxes on the straw, and clean the straw, and replace the straw when the kid chews the ends up, or treats the straight straw like a bendy-straw and it breaks... And what about the neighbor's kid who blows bubbles down his straw making the milkshakes all spit-nasty and whatnot???

daddit

Well the problem is that competing straw sellers are banned from selling straws. That license is given by the politicians to only one straw seller who gets the unfair monopoly on straws in a particular city. Otherwise, another company would come along and sell straws maybe at a slightly higher price but with a policy of not pinching.

daddit

Tell your son that random internet dude said he's a cool dude.

daddit

YOU DRINK MY MILKSHAKE

daddit

How adorable, a 4th grade version of There Will Be Blood's final scene.

daddit

One thing that's missing from the analogy is where reclassifying the internet as a utility comes in. My guess is that it would be something on the lines of * Any straw company that pinches straws is going to get fined because of that practice due to the new regulations. If they keep doing it anyway, more regulations will be introduced to require straw manufacturers to create straws that cannot be pinched. Does that sound about right to someone who knows this stuff better than I?

daddit

So what you're saying, is the internet is a series of "straws"?

daddit

Posted this on facebook, this was someone's reply. "Except it doesn't mention that the government is now also able to tell you what kind of milkshake to drink, and whether you are allowed to protest your treatment by the government to other consumers of milkshakes."

daddit

damn! get that boy an ice cream!

daddit

I'm giving you an up-dad for this

daddit

What if you are at a big concert with tons of people who are texting and tweeting etc... From what I understand how it currently works is that the isp can "allocate" more bandwidth to the area that everyone is at so that the Internet traffic doesn't come to a stand still due to the heavy use in that area. To do this they must take some bandwidth away from someone else not at the concert. That person might not even notice because he's just sending an email or something. But now will the ISP not be able to do that because they have to provide the full speed you pay for 24/7 regardless of where you are.? I'm on mobile sorry about bad grammar.

daddit

PRICELESS!!

daddit

This is better than the highway analogy.

daddit

Great analogy but then there is also the times when you pay the ice cream shop guy a little extra for premium content, on top of paying for the straw, and that straw-pinching asshole is still doing it!

daddit

OP's son 2016

daddit

Can your son run for president?

daddit

While the landlord of the milkshake shop will only allow his brother-in-law sell the straws.

daddit

Where do I line up for these free milkshakes??

daddit

Yes, this is something that I can understand. Stop squeezing the straw Verizon twc and comdick

daddit

I understand that this is a way too look at it, but from the providers side it's different. They give away milkshakes to everyone, but there's one guy who whenever he comes wants 10 milkshakes. They say to that guy who wants ten, we're going to squeeze your straw until you pay.

daddit

Can someone explain to me why it was so important to first implement the new regulations, and then release the actual text to the public? What was the hurry? I'm hearing that this is either the best thing ever, or the end of the internet as we know it. Why can't I just read the regs and find out for myself?

daddit

http://static.deathandtaxesmag.com/uploads/2013/04/macdowell.jpg

daddit

Well, seeing as the internet is really just a series of tubes this is pretty accurate.

daddit

Your son has more sense than congress.

daddit

Instead of /r/explainlikeimfive, there should be /r/explainlikeimincongress. Edit: /r/ExplainLikeImElected now exists, thanks /u/USER!

daddit

Yeah, but then they'd just go around putting their hand out and pinching straws.

daddit

Half of Congress understand this perfectly already...and are totally fine with it - they just play dumb.

daddit

Congress already knows what net neutrality is. It's just the money that stops them agreeing to it. Whether it's because of their connections to lobbyists or whatever reason, money is the root cause. In America, I've noticed you have to pay tips in order to subsidize waiter/waitress wages rather than tips being a service bonus. I always pay tips in the uk if the service is fine i.e no bad food/ delays with extra if it's exceptional service but in the us it's about worker wage subsidy. I don't think the rest of Europe works that way either. Same with healthcare where I hear people being charged excessive fees for simple routine operations or treatment. Now those are the two main examples I've aware of and this implies america is quite a profit centric society, more so than other countries. Now when people say congress doesn't understand net neutrality or that bankers were incompetent and didn't know what they were doing when the sub prime mortgage caused the financial crisis I call bullshit. They definitively knew what they were doing and what is more is they they do it because of monetary gain. I could be completely wrong on this but when people say a group of educated politicians don't understand basic concepts I disagree wholeheartedly.

daddit

Yes, but clearly this milkshake is cold, so what about global warming???? Motion passes, meeting adjourned.

daddit

[deleted]

daddit

It would be perfect since they already think the internet is just a series of tubes.

daddit

I don't understand why the GOP is fighting against it at this point. It seems like all they are doing is setting it up to be a campaign issue in the next election cycle. This issue is very likely to light a fire under younger demographics that tend to stay at home on election day. Why galvanize these voters? Whatever bill they pass right now in Congress isn't making it through the White House. All they are doing is making a statement that they can be bought. I don't see how any young voter will stand idly by next cycle if there is a chance that a candidate is elected that will pass legislation that will potentially throttle internet access.

daddit

[I see that playing out like this.](http://crazyhyena.com/imagebank/g/funny-South-Park-cartoon-hate-crime-laws.jpg)

daddit

His son needs to run for congress.

daddit

Oh they know perfectly well what it's all about. They're just bought and paid for by the telecommunications companies.

daddit

You just want free milkshakes, you sly you!

daddit

His son should run for congress. This is what the Americsn people want, things broken down into the simplest, easiest ways to understand them. This is what the are the Tea Party a success- too bad they didn't really understand the basic concepts and just have "If the glove don't fit, chewbacka" arguments.

daddit

Careful, they'd be likely to turn it into a climate change debate. Southern congressman: "Ah, but if global warming doesn't actually mean everything's getting warmer as you say, then why do you want so many milkshakes, hmmm?"

daddit

WELL ELIIIIIIIIII?

daddit

Came here for the "There Will be Blood" reference. I'm satisfied. On with my day.

daddit

Goddam that's a good movie. Rental time tonight!

daddit

Enough of that talk. My son has a soul. So he is automatically disqualified.

daddit

[deleted]

daddit

I don't think they'd nuke Madagascar. Too many cute cartoon animals live there.

daddit

> Hey, it ain't like putting a bunch of 9 year olds in Congress would be any worse than what we have now. Yeah, they *might* actually listen....

daddit

I bet his son could send an email at least

daddit

> , it ain't like putting a bunch of 9 year olds in Congress would be any worse than what we have now there would probably be more compassion and understanding as evil has not entirely seeped into a 9 year olds soul just yet.

daddit

[deleted]

daddit

I just played your username on my guitar. It's a nice chord progression.

daddit

My bs detector went off too, but then I thought about it and my 7 y.o. twin nieces have known how to find shit on YouTube for like 1.5 years. I remember them looking up 'cady pary' into google, google knew they were looking for Katy Perry and they were listening to the song they were looking for certainly faster than my dad could find something on YouTube. Now they share an iPod touch and send me texts and shit, they're 7. Not criticizing that or anything, shit's just different, but after rambling I think my original point was that I could see a 9 y.o. being knowledgable enough (and nerdy lol) to bring up something like this that he thinks is important to his friends. EDIT: or I'm just high and want2believe

daddit

I don't know- by the time I was about 9, I had to do "current events" for school. If a kid is sharp enough, I think it's definitely possible for him to have heard the phrase "net neutrality", and ask his dad about it. Again, possible for a bright little friend to have also heard that phrase, and be curious. Kids are sponges. I once had a kindergarten student who could tell me facts about each planet, was bilingual working on a third. My friends 2-year old says "burning hydrogen gas" when you ask him what the sun is made of. Just cause he asked that one day. Don't underestimate kids, they're a lot like adults- some very very bright. (and some aren't)

daddit

I considered calling him out too, but I decided the analogy was good enough so I let it stand. Of course we could be wrong, but that would mean I am very out of touch with the intelligence level of children by age 9.

daddit

yeah, how are people this gullible? edit: It's not that kids aren't smart, all you people saying "my kid does this and that so smart kids exist". That's not the point. Children (yes, even genius kids) go through phases of psychological development. "Stages" if you will, made popular by the work of Piaget. Basically, it's not the knowledge of the topic that makes it unlikely, you can actually teach a kid about anything. It's the fact that he formulated a complex analogy, that shows not only mastery of the topic, but integration of the material and a high level understanding of the underlying economics. This analogy can only be formed by an adolescent brain that has learned FORMAL OPERATIONAL THOUGHT. A 9 year probably hasn't entered this stage yet, but even if he has, he wouldn't be good enough at operational thought to formulate this analogy. For an adult to make up this analogy from scratch would be creative, but for a 9 year old to do it is pretty much impossible.

daddit

Upvoting you cause this never happened but i like the idea. This is a troll post

daddit

Thank you.

daddit

as long as they can keep paying corrupt politicians to make it illegal for any other straw shop to set up shop anywhere in your area.

daddit

While the big ISPs claim they are not monopolies they sure don't refrain from acting like they have monopoly powers and abusing that power as much as possible.

daddit

But they want to sell more straws...

daddit

Does dial up still exist? Do you still gotta put one of those AOL discs in and wait for the "dehrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr de do de do de do eghrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you've got mail!"

daddit

And Congressional hearings.

daddit

That was always the funniest thing about Ted Stevens explanation, it wasn't too bad of an analogy.

daddit

Sad I had to scroll this far down to see this. By the way, what was the name of OP's son?

daddit

This complicates the milkshake

daddit

This actually helped me understand this analogy much better. Thank you for that.

daddit

I love how you're simplifying (read: complicating) a 9 year olds simplified analogy.

daddit

The light-bulb moment for my boss was "Imagine if your biggest competitor could pay to make your web site load more slowly or time-out, while his was lightning fast. What if they could just nail your front door shut?"

daddit

im 5 from the 60s i like it!!