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1420miz

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/BayWindowBitch. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!abandonment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12gzpfc/aita_for_telling_my_dad_i_have_no_interest_in/)**: April 9, 2023** I (17 F) haven’t had a relationship with my dad since I was 8 years old. It broke me when my dad left bc it wasn’t just him, I lost my aunts/uncles, cousins, grandparents, they all stop talking to me. I’ve been in therapy since I was 11, I worked out a lot of my issues about my dad. My mother remarried when I was 7, I have a stepdad and 2 brothers I love very much. I am applying to colleges, an feel happier then I ever have. 3 weeks ago I got a call from my dad, he told me he was engaged, he was getting married in the fall, he wanted me to come to a reunion so they can get to know each other’s family, an I can get to know my new siblings. He said she wanted to meet his kids before they got married. (My father has 3 kids. Me, my brother and sister. I have a relationship with my sister, but we’re not close bc she lives far away.) I hung up, I couldn’t deal with it I was emotional, an I bawled my eyes out. The next day I called my dad, I told him I had no interest in meeting his new family, that he was cruel for abandoning an 8 year old, even more cruel for reaching out bc he was forced to do so, I already had a family I was happy an secure with an I had no interest in him being in my life bc he was no longer my dad, and to not contact me. I called my sister to ask if he reached out to her, he did, an she was going to go. I told her the conversation, she said what I said was appropriate bc it was true but I could’ve been nicer about it. I was a bit sad, but my family was there to comfort me. My sister sent me a link to a FB post that my new stepmother had shared, saying she couldn’t believe that “A perfect man could have such terrible children” My sister told me she was not going to go to the reunion bc she agreed she didn’t want to meet this woman after what she said about us. I thought that would be the end of it an though that post upset me, I tried to let it go, but I started getting calls from my fathers side of the family, even my brother, telling me I was a bitch, an asshole for ruining the reunion by telling my dad he wasn’t my dad. They told me that he canceled the whole thing an he was questioning whether he should get married at all. They told me I could’ve reached out, it wasn’t fair they were being the ones blamed for the falling out. I have since blocked them, I did see a post on FB saying my dad postponed his wedding. But now I can’t stop thinking about what they said. I mean, yes, I could’ve reached out but I feel that’s not fair bc I was 8 I shouldn’t have to be the one that makes amends. I know that I was harsh an could’ve gone about telling him I didn’t want him in my life a nicer way, but I don’t think I did anything wrong, maybe that’s bc everybody around me is taking my side. I’ve had multiple people tell me I’m an asshole, I feel guilty an I want an outside perspective. AITA? Edit: I just want to add some stuff. My sister is 23, my brother is 28. my mother had nothing to do with my family cutting me out. 2 years ago, I called my dad under the advice of my therapist, when he answered, I started crying and he didn’t say anything he just hung up on me, I think that’s when I really moved on from my dad. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Therapy and brother relationship:* "Hello! Thanks for your kind words! I am currently still in therapy, I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon and I know that I need it and it benefits me in more ways than one. I am my mothers only biological child, she has said that I should cut ties with my brother. I have also been talking to my sister quite a bit today about what to do about our brother we only share DNA from our dad the same as I do with my sister, she says that I need to cut ties with him completely as well but at the same time I do feel bad because he went through the same abandonment that I did. It’s just my dad actually came back to him. Where as he didn’t come back to me or my sister. As of right now I haven’t cut ties not officially anyway with my brother, but it does seem like that’s where it’s headed." *What on earth did he tell his family when he stopped talking to you?* "Idk what he told his family or his fiancé, but when I started building a relationship with my sister, he did tell my sisters mother that my mother had filed a restraining order against him and that was the reason that he couldn’t be around me, which was 100% not true." "I can assure you, there was never a restraining order filed. My sister’s mother figured that out an when she talked to my father about it, he admitted that he lied." *About the timeline of her parents' marriage:* "My parents got divorced when I was 2, for the next 5 years I would go back-and-forth from my mom to my dad’s house, over the last 2 years that I had a relationship with my dad, those visits went from every weekend to every other weekend to once a month to every other month and then there was nothing from my dad or any of his family one day they just stopped talking to me, about three months after my father had not come pick me up for his annual visitation, my mothers took me to his house, and we found out that he had moved back to Mississippi where his family was from. After that we never talked again until I was around 12 and he called me to tell me happy birthday, he called me one more time the same year to say merry Christmas, after that, I didn’t hear from him again until three weeks ago when he called me." "My dad was such a jealous freak, like to the point where he would be mad when she went to work, there was this guy that my mother worked with, and he was super jealous of him, and one day he finally just accused her of cheating, and she said she didn’t cheat and he didn’t believe her and he left and then he came home. The next day and he admitted to having sex with another woman and then they got divorced, about two years later my mom started a new job and she ended up dating her boss and they got married when I was seven and now he’s my stepdad, but I also only hear my parents side of the story. I’ve never heard my dad side of the story. He’s never really thought it was important enough to tell me his side of the story, but that’s what I know of the whole situation, I really don’t know the true story because I was 2 when everything happened and me and my dad were never really close, he never told me like important things about his life, we didn’t talk much when I was with my dad, I mostly spent the time with his boyfriend." *Dad's messed up marriages:* "Me and my siblings all have different mothers. My father has been married 4 times. If he does marry this woman, this will be his fifth marriage. I didn’t even know of my sisters existence until I was 9 years old, my sister’s mother reached out to my mother when she noticed that her daughters child support had gone down because my father, wasn’t meeting his mandatory visitation rights and had to pay more child support towards me. The court told my sisters mother that he had two other children, and she reached out to my mother. We had dinner together, she also reached out to my brothers mother, but they had no interest in knowing my sister. I don’t know if my father has other children as far as I’m aware he doesn’t, but he lied to me and my brother about my sister and he lied to my mother about the existence of my brother before she had me so honestly, who knows but I do know that his fiancé has children between the ages of I believe 3 - 19." *What the heck did he say to you on the phone?* "The way I remember the conversation going was him, saying “hello this is so-and-so I just wanted to let you know that I’m having this family reunion because recently I got engaged and I’m gonna be getting married in the fall and I was hoping that you would be interested in coming to the reunion, your brothers going to be there, as well as the rest of my family And you can meet my fiancé and your new step-siblings.” that’s not exactly Word for Word, but that is the gist of the conversation. And no, he did not apologize. When I called him back the next day, he actually sounded quite mad that I hung up on him in the first place, and he said relatively the same thing, just in a harsh tone with fewer words. And that’s when I told him that I didn’t want to meet his family. He called me about 40 times after I hung up over the course of the next two days." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): End of April** Update: I’ve talked to my dad and his fiancé, I told her everything about everything, they’re wedding was off for 11 days but now it’s back on, she didn’t really say much to me about it she mostly just brushed past it. They want to come out here (we’re I live) an have dinner with me an my mom. My sister has also agreed to come to the dinner but now he’s talking about coming to stay with him for a little while, an I don’t want to do that, I’m a little nervous about the whole thing now an I just don’t wanna start another dance with my father that ends badly for me. ***Relevant Comment:*** "I don’t plan on going to the wedding or any other events that include my dad after the dinner, the only reason that I agree to go to the dinner, was because my sister asked me not because he asked me. I don’t have any interest in having a relationship with my dad, but I do think that it would be healthy if I didn’t have any hatred for my dad, I don’t wanna be in this limbo where I just feel shitty for the rest of my life because I Have hatred toward my dad and I felt like this was an easier way to just deal with it and move on and let it go." **Update 2 (Same Post): May 25, 2023 (1.5 months from OG post)** Final Update: I had dinner with my father and his new fiancé, as well as her children on the 18th of May. I feel like I got a lot of childhood feelings off of myself, I explained to my father, his fiancé, and her family why I felt the way that I felt as well as my reasoning for not wanting to come. I told him that I had no intentions of being in his life over the necessary amount. My dad did ask me quite a couple times if I was going to be up to go to the wedding, I did agree to go, but I made it clear that I don’t want to be involved as an official member in his life, more so someone he might see around the holidays, birthdays, or special events, but other than that I have no intentions of seeing or interacting with him. He seemed fine with that, and it was a perfect solution for me. I’ve been told by many of you, as well as people in my personal life, that I should just cut him out of my life and move on. I just feel that having unresolved feelings is unhealthy, not having answers to things that you could have answers seems Kind of ridiculous if you have the option to get the answers that you want. My relationship with my father is never going to be great. It’s never gonna be perfect. It’s probably never going to be anything other than OK because I don’t really think I can see him as anything other than a deadbeat dad but I’m gonna try my best to be civil, a because I don’t want to have any more unresolved feelings with anybody else. I know that it’s been over a month since my last update, but during that time I finished my senior year with 4 B’s and 4 A’s. I turned 18 on 21st of May. I graduated high-school and started a new job. It’s been a pretty busy month and so honestly I wasn’t even nervous about talking to my father because I felt like it was just so busy that it was just another thing to do but I’m glad it’s over and done with and I can move on with my life.

AITA for telling my dad I have no interest in meeting his new family?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1420miz/aita_for_telling_my_dad_i_have_no_interest_in/

14217l5

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That was** u/throwdisaway167. She has since deleted her account. She posted in relationships subreddit. Thanks to u/queenlegolas for the rec! **Trigger Warning:** >!stalking, won't take no for an answer, certified Nice Guy!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!distressing !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2xkdyu/i_22f_had_sex_with_my_neighbor_30m_once_is_his/)**: March 1, 2015** I made the mistake of having sex with my neighbor. We live in the same building and I came home from a night out about 2 weeks ago and met him in the hallway. We got talking and he invited me back to his place, we had a drink, one thing led to another and we had sex. I have to admit the sex was pretty awkward and bad - I'm cringing as I write this but as we were doing it he told me he loved me (we had spoken about twice before this night). So I got my first impression maybe he was a bit strange. I was really embarrassed by the whole thing (thought he would be too) and not very maturely decided to just avoid him. I thought he would get the hint - that it was just a drunk one time thing and I wasn't interested. But I kept seeing him all the time, I think he must have worked out what time I leave and get back from work because I started "bumping into him" way more than I used to. I kept the conversation short and acted uninterested because I thought he would get the hint and back off a little. I guess I was just avoiding that awkward conversation telling him I wasn't interested but in no way was I encouraging him. He persisted and then a few days ago he added me on Facebook, which I ignored. The next time I saw him he asked me why I hadn't accepted his friend request. So I decided to be a bit more assertive and said something like "The other night was fun but I'm really not interested in anything". He was quite upbeat and replied "Okay that's cool but we can still be friends". So I thought maybe I had been a bit immature towards him and now that I've told him my intentions we could be friends. I still think he's being a bit over friendly with me - I'm sure he's waiting to "bump" into me because I see him like all the time. He also is not shy about asking personal questions, like about ex-boyfriends and stuff. I get that some people are more open about some things but I find a little weird. On Facebook he has "liked" so many of my pictures, I know we all stalk people on Facebook but he's very obvious about it. He has also messaged a couple times asking me to hang out. My question is his behavior is a bit weird or am I just being over dramatic? I am happy to be his friend but I feel like he is being a bit over the top. I don't want to act like a bitch towards him but I don't know really how to tell him to tone it down without coming across as one. He is someone I will probably keep seeing so I feel like I have to be nice to him but he is weirding me out a bit. tl;dr: Had sex with my neighbor. Told him I wasn't interested in anything else but he is very persistent in being my friend. Not sure if his behavior is a little weird or i'm being over dramatic. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Dude you should NOT have brushed off his "I love you" comment:* "I only brushed it off because I thought it was a silly drunk comment and he was literally right on top of me so I didn't want to make the whole thing even more awkward by mentioning it. Maybe I have been oblivious but I just didn't think anyone would say that when they were having sex with someone they didn't really know." *Thought from OOP:* "Yes hindsight is a great thing but I have deleted him on Facebook now and hope it will all just subside. I have told a couple friends about it anyway so if things get worse they know but honestly I don't think he's that crazy." *You really do not have to be his friend:* "I really was happy to his friend but I just found him a bit overwhelming because I felt like I couldn't leave my home without having to see him and talk to him and his presence on Facebook was pretty annoying. I do agree though I don't have to be his friend and I quite like the way you worded how to "break it off", so thanks." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2y1ja9/update_i_22f_had_sex_with_my_neighbor_30m_once_is/) **1: March 5, 2015 (4 days later)** So I'm going to begin with the typical thanks for the advice and for those who kept telling me, yes I've learnt my lesson about having sex with someone who I don't really know and can't really avoid. Anyway, onto the update on this situation. The first thing I did was delete and block him from Facebook but that's the easy bit because I was still going to have to talk to him in person. I "coincidently" ran into him on Monday. The first thing he said to me was "Have you deleted your Facebook or something because I can't find you anymore?". So I went for it and gave a long speech about how he's a nice guy and I thought we could be friends but I feel like I'm leading him on by hanging out together as I'm really not interested. He replied that he really does just want to be friends and that it would be more awkward now if we're not. I just said something like "I don't want to give you the wrong impression so I think it's best for now if we're not" and then I just quickly left before he could say anything else. I felt like a bit of a bitch saying it but I guess it need to be said and I'm glad I did it because he was overwhelming me slightly. So far it worked and I haven't actually seen him since then, but it has only been like two days. However, last night I got a rambling long letter through my door. It came quite late so I'm almost hoping he was drunk or something when he delivered it because I think it’s kind of fucking weird and also, vaguely insulting. I think I will type it out as it's difficult to explain the tone of the letter. So here it is: *"Dear ……* *You didn't give me much chance to speak the other night and there is more I wanted to say, though this might actually be an easier way for me to explain my thoughts and feelings. I know we had only talked a few times before our "tryst" but I felt like there was on obvious connection between us. I'm sure you must have felt it too or I don't think you would have come home with me that night. I'm not the type of guy who sleeps with girls I don't really know but I was extremely attracted to you and when it appeared you reciprocated my feelings, I couldn't help myself.* *When you told me you weren't interested in anything romantic I understood, even if it was not what I wanted to hear. I don't know anything about your personal life (part of the reason why I am not usually interested in one night stands) and so of course I realize why you might not be interested in me. However, I think it is strange you don't at least want to be friends. We shared a very intimate moment with each other and you can't pretend it never happened. It therefore seems only logical that we become friends - it only makes it more awkward if we aren't.* *I just want to say if you feel embarrassed or worried that I think of you as slutty, don't be. I don't judge you - that would be a terrible double standard, though be careful because some men may see your behaviour as slutty – especially if you refuse to talk to them after. Just like when a guy doesn't call a girl after they sleep together, he’s seen as an asshole.* *Really the point of me saying all this is just to repeat that I understand you are not interested in a relationship with me and I respect that. However, I am just going to say it, I really like you. You’re a fun, smart and a beautiful girl and I would love to get to know you more – I don’t think you can deny that we got along very well before that night and I don’t think what happened should change anything. Don’t think you’re leading me on. I’m a grown guy and I know that no means no and can handle just being friends with you. But, I respect what you said to me, even if it hurt a little, and will keep my distance from you for now. If you change your mind and if you ever want to talk to me or if you need anything, you know where I live and I will always welcome you – that’s what neighbors are for, right?"* I do feel a bit bad because he obviously does like me and has put a lot of emotional value on what happened between us but I just don’t feel like I can deal with someone as intense as him. Maybe it’s just me but I do think that his letter has confirmed that he is a bit odd so I am glad I said what I said and was upfront with him. I think he will leave me alone now – he has so far, though I hope if we do see each other we can be polite and it won’t be too awkward, but it probably will.tl;dr: told him I wasn't interested in being friends. He sent a long letter telling me his feelings but I think he will leave me alone. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Make sure your friends and family know about him:* "Thanks, I have already but hopefully things will go no further." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2y1ja9/update_i_22f_had_sex_with_my_neighbor_30m_once_is/) **2: March 12, 2015 (11 days from OG post, 7 from 2nd)** I was hopeful there would be no more updates to this because he managed to go for about a week without contacting me. I hadn’t seen or heard from him for a few days so I thought things were blowing over and he had got over it. Then yesterday afternoon I was getting some stuff out my car and I suddenly hear his voice say “Hey, do you need a hand?”. Of course we were going to see each other again at some point and I thought I was polite with him by just saying “hey, no I’m fine thanks”. I really didn’t think this was rude and I really didn’t need any help anyway but he seemed to get offended by it and started to get mad at me. He said something like “What’s your problem? I’m only trying to help you. All I’ve ever done is be nice to you but you still act like a bitch”. I think he said more but I was kind of shocked at how he reacted. He stormed off before I could say anything but I don’t even know what I would have said as I was a bit stunned and also totally embarrassed because there were people around who probably heard it all. I was also a bit upset because I know that he is allowed to feel a bit used or whatever as he obviously liked me more than I liked him but I do think this outburst was uncalled for. I have made my feeling clear to him now and I know the truth hurts sometimes but I don’t think he has to take it out on me like this. This morning I woke up to another letter. This one is quite short and so I will type it out again: *"Dear ….. I want to apologize for shouting at you earlier. I let my anger get the better of me and I’m sorry about that but I can’t help but get frustrated at your behavior. I get that you’re not interested in me and that you don’t want to be my friend – even if I do find it strange (you aware of my feelings on this so I won’t repeat them). However, when someone is trying to help you it is good manners to accept it or at the very least, be grateful.* *Again, I’m sorry and I realize I need to think about the way I acted and will try not do it again (by the way this how adults deal with awkward situations – they don’t pretend they never happened). Hope you accept my apology and the little bit of advice I gave you."* Maybe I should be grateful he apologized but I almost think this letter is worse because he is not even trying to hide the insults and is totally patronizing. I don’t know how to deal with him anymore; he seems to have gotten over his love for me but now has some grudge against me. If he really thinks all this about me I don’t even know why he even wants to talk to me and be friends. It must have been like a month since we had sex now anyway so I don’t know why he can’t accept it and move on. I kind of want to talk to him again now but I get the feeling that is what he wants me to do. Should I just ignore him and hope he gets bored when he realizes I won’t give him any attention? Or should I tell him again, more assertively, that I want him to leave me alone? I’m so fucking stressed about seeing him again though because I don’t know what he’s going to be like. tl;dr: He sent me another weird letter after I refused his help. Don't know what to do now. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Time to move:* "I'm actually seriously considering this but I can't really afford to." "Yes, I'm thinking this would be the easiest thing to do. My parents aren't really an option but I'm going to call my brother. For obvious reasons I haven't told him anything about this but I'm going to tell him and I think he would help me out financially." *Call the cops:* "I did think about doing this but I just don't know what I would say - "I had sex with someone and now they've sent me a couple letters even though I don't want him to". I just don't think they will take it seriously. "I think I will call them to see what my options are. However even if I can get a no contact order or whatever I don't think I would want to live that close to him and have to see him regularly." ***People share lots of advice, from pepper spray to what to say.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2zdf29/update_3_i_22f_had_sex_with_my_neighbor_30m_once/) **3: March 17, 2015 (16 days from OG post)** I had requests to update on what happened so here it is – hopefully it is the final one. Things have happened quite quickly since my last update. I was still kind of undecided whether to write to him to tell him to leave me alone as this would give me proof if things went further or to just ignore him. Anyway, I called my brother who I didn’t initially want to tell about all this but I thought I probably should tell someone in my family. He was totally adamant I shouldn't contact him and I should call the cops if he continues, so I took his advice and decided to not communicate with my neighbor. I sort of regret telling my brother now because he really did not help the situation. I had been out on Friday night and stayed over at my friend’s house so I didn't get back until Saturday morning. I came back wearing what I had been out in so to my neighbor it probably looked like I had spent the night with a guy so this may have made him a bit more angry. He was in the hallway when I got back (I'm totally sure he had been waiting for me) and said to me "I don't appreciate getting threatening messages from your brother". I honestly had no idea what he was talking about so I said that and I found out that my brother had sent him some kind of threatening message telling him to leave me alone. He then was saying stuff "Why can't you tell me this yourself? Why can't you at least talk to me? I just don't understand you.". I responded something like "I'm sorry about the messages. I didn't know he sent them but I have told you I don't want you to contact me yet you keep sending me those letters and I think he was just worried about me". This is when he got pretty angry and was saying stuff like "what are you worried about?" and how he had just been trying to be "nice" (yeah, he actually said it). He pretty much just repeated what he said in the letters but it was the first real time he actually scared me a little. I didn't really know what to do but then he called me a slut to my face and I was like "fuck this, I'm not listening to you anymore. Leave me alone" and went straight to my apartment. As I was walking away he tried to backtrack and apologize but I didn't want to give him any more attention so I ignored him. The first thing I did after this was talk to my brother again because I was kind of annoyed at him for getting involved and I wanted to find out exactly what he said. So he got his Facebook from one of my friends and sent him this message "You need to leave my sister alone. You are creeping her out. If you don't, there will be consequences". So I guess it does sound a little threatening but it is not as bad as thought it might have been. Even though I was worried that my brothers message might have been seen as provocation I decided that I was going to call the police. I waited until the next day because I was tired and it had got a bit late after talking to my brother. I shouldn't have been surprised that I woke up to another letter - I think he loves having the last word. It’s not very long so I will type it out again: *"Dear ....* *I'm sorry for some of the things I said to you yesterday. I didn't mean them but the heat of the moment got to me. I did feel threatened by what your brother said to me. All I have tried to do is talk to the person I live next door to after I had sex with them. You've made it pretty clear you're not interested in me and I have accepted that. However, I have explained to you multiple times that I find it strange you don't want to talk so I think you could be more understanding to my feelings, instead of just labelling me a creep.* *I think we need to talk like adults, in person, because I feel so frustrated that you don’t understand what I've tried to say to you in my letters and the only way to do it now is face to face. I won't let my anger get the better of me like it has previously and surely you must see this is a better idea than getting your brother to send me messages."* There was no way I was going to talk to him in person again as the last two times we spoke he just got angry with me and called me a slut and a bitch. I wanted the whole situation over now so I called the police. It was the non-emergency thing and they were actually very helpful (I was prepared for them not to care) and they asked me to go to the station and I had to show all the stuff he sent me (the letters and facebook messages etc). They filed a report and originally they offered to call him but when I told them I didn't have his number they said they would go and talk to him. I just want to make this clear for those who responded to me before saying going to the cops was too far. This isn't a restraining order, he hasn't been charged or anything. All I have done is file a police report and we have both agreed to not contact each other and if either one of us contacts each other then it will go further. I was sort of expecting for him to send another letter after this but he hasn’t. I know it’s only been a couple days but I do feel better about the situation now. I’m going to stay here for now, I might talk to my landlord but I don’t think he would let me break my lease. If I feel like I don’t want to stay I think my brother would help me out with money. I do feel bad about what happened and of course I should never have had sex with him, the number 1 lesson I have learned is don’t sleep with your neighbour. But if anyone reading this finds themselves in a similar situation I guess my advice is trust your instinct and go talk to the cops because they can be helpful and it doesn’t mean they’re going to start arresting people. Anyway, thanks for all the advice - it was appreciated. tl;dr: My brother messaged him (without my knowledge). He then confronted me and got real angry. Decided to call to talk to the cops. We have agreed to not contact each other. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Also make sure your brother does not contact him again:* "I know, I was annoyed with my brother but it did give me the push I needed to go to the cops." **Edit: Thanks to the people who found the FINAL** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/longtail/comments/33ntj2/1831766303_final_update_i_22f_had_sex_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=4)**: April 23, 2015 (1.5 months from OG)** What a mess this all turned into but I really think do this it is all over now and so I thought I would do a quick final update. Initially I was thinking I would just try to stick out living there until my lease ended but on the encouragement of some of the replies on my last post I decided to talk to my landlord. He was not really very understanding and was like “you shouldn’t have slept with him”, which I guess is true. He said there is nothing he can do now but if I wanted to break the lease I could but would cost me 2 months rent as a termination fee and I have to give 60 days notice – though he did say to let him know if anything else happens. So I left it but I was living in like a constant anxiety of seeing him or that he would just do something else. Then I talked to my brother again and he told me that my neighbor had been messaging him saying shit like “How does it feel to know your little sister’s a slut?” and other sexual stuff. I wasn’t really sure if I could go to the police again with this because he wasn’t directly contacting me but I realized I didn’t want to stay anymore. My brother agreed to help me come up with the money so I thought that would be that and I could get away. Then maybe a couple days later I ran into my neighbor – it probably was just a coincidence, it was going to happen at some point. The weird thing was he was being super friendly and asked how I was etc and didn’t mention any of the stuff that had happened. I found it almost creepier than when he was being aggressive and I told him that he was supposed to be leaving me alone and I wanted him to stop contacting my brother. He said something like “I thought we had moved past all that”. This is when I seriously began to think there is something really wrong with him and I just told him, again, to leave me alone. Then, surprise, he sent me another letter. I can’t find it right now but it basically said There was no need to contact the police before and I hope you aren’t thinking about doing it again but the tone of it was kind of threatening. I went to the police again and things got a lot more serious this time. I got a temporary injunction against him then there was a hearing and I got a final injunction (restraining order). Because of this I was able to break my lease without the termination fee with only 30 days notice. I stayed with a friend for a couple weeks but this week I have moved into a new place and finally feel like I can move on from all this. Thanks for the advice on here, It sure gave me the confidence to go to the cops. tl;dr: He didn't leave me alone. Had to get a restraining order and have moved into a new place.

I [22F] had sex with my neighbor [30M] once. Is his current behavior weird or am I being over dramatic?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14217l5/i_22f_had_sex_with_my_neighbor_30m_once_is_his/

1422ivp

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/crashonthehighway **on** r/RBI **and** r/sims4 Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: Cajun is the creolized version of the word Acadians referring to descendants of the French Acadia colony in the Maritime region of Canada. Cajun is a subset of the Louisiana Creole culture. Creole was the term historically used to describe the U.S. region and subculture for most of the country’s history. In the 1970s, the use of Cajun emerged more prevalently to distinguish white from Black and mixed race individuals and culture. Estimated Reading Time: \~4 minutes trigger warnings: >!none unless you've had a murphy bed disaster!< mood spoilers: >!amusing!< &#x200B; [**Sims 4 character based on me?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13in082/sims_4_character_based_on_me/) \- 15 May 2023 I was looking for a photo of myself from high school and typed my name into Google, only to find a Sims 4 character that has two middle names which are my first and last name. I went to image search and the character even resembles me somewhat. I am in my late twenties so it is very possible that someone I have known in life could be a developer for this Sims 4 game where this character originated (Sims 4: Paranormal Stuff, released January 26, 2021). From what I understand, the character is called by his last name only, Guidry, so it seems absolutely bizarre that he would need one middle name, much less two middle names. Has anyone ever heard of something like this happening? [the Google image search](https://www.google.com/search?q=rene+duplantier&sxsrf=APwXEdeR7RnTrlCecUhGfNHfrzBlJ6MBJQ:1684189672931&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiIz8G5r_j-AhUvmGoFHeRoAoEQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1707&bih=802&dpr=1.13) ([Alternate imgur screencap link](https://imgur.com/a/d0w4Vxf)) [the character's page on Sim's fandom](https://sims.fandom.com/wiki/Claude_Ren%C3%A9_Duplantier_Guidry) &#x200B; [*OP tried finding the connection before turning to RBI:*](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13in082/comment/jkbpgvs/) **Redditor:** Have you tried looking at the list of devs that worked on the game? See if any names pop out at you? **OP:** I looked around for a while for some credits and couldn't find anything which is partially why I ended up here. [*Some commenters find the resemblance uncanny:*](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13in082/comment/jkawvmy/) **Redditor:** Before I looked at the pictures you linked I just assumed you were a paranoid weirdo, but after looking at them and seeing your name, there’s NO WAY this character wasn't based loosely on you, hahaha. [*Some commenters are not amused:*](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13in082/comment/jkiymi0/) **Redditor:** This is my level of delusion lol. Thinking a character from one of the biggest games in the world is based on me [*Some commenters are not amused at all:*](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13in082/comment/jkbpd4d/) **Redditor:** René Duplantier is a pretty common name. Just Google searching it comes up with a lot of articles about people with that name, including a music video director that made a video for the band Braithwaite. And if we're being honest, the Sims character doesn't really look like you. His facial hair is different (he has an almost swashbuckling mustache and goatee thing going) and he has long hair. You have a beard and very short hair. Your styles don't match either. And the graphics aren't good enough to say he looks like you. You can put just about any guy next to that picture that looks about the same weight and claim it looks like them too, since we're ignoring clothing style, hair, and facial hair. Because there just isn't enough detail in the graphics. **OP:** Bro, that's also me who made the music video. &#x200B; [**Why is Guidry's middle name also my name?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Sims4/comments/13j6kzf/why_is_guidrys_middle_name_also_my_name/) \- 16 May 2023 Hi everyone, coming over from r/RBI with a weird story. I am not a Sims 4 player, but I used to enjoy the Sims 2 from time to time. I am here because I googled my first and last name and it comes up mostly Sims 4. Turns out I share part of a name with Claude René Duplantier Guidry from Sims 4 Paranormal Stuff. I am wondering if a developer knew me in college or something and just threw my name in here for some flair. It's kind of a nice name that rhymes. I can also imagine it sounds like a stereotypical French name to an American person. Mostly I'm here because the character and I look similar enough that the name thing is freaking me out. Not sure if developers participate in this community but I would love to get some real-life backstory on the creation of Guidry if they do. I have read Guidry's bio on the fandom wiki and we do not share a personal history (I am not a bisexual ghost who died in a Murphy bed accident). Although, I will say, I think Guidry is a Cajun French name and I grew up in Louisiana. [Google image search for me](https://www.google.com/search?q=rene+duplantier&sxsrf=APwXEdeR7RnTrlCecUhGfNHfrzBlJ6MBJQ:1684189672931&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiIz8G5r_j-AhUvmGoFHeRoAoEQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1707&bih=802&dpr=1.13) (I am the first photo.) [my original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13in082/sims_4_character_based_on_me/) in r/RBI &#x200B; [*A Sims Guru (Developer/Forum Moderator) responds:*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Sims4/comments/13j6kzf/comment/jkgk8hx/) **Redditor:** That is a really cool coincidence! But can confirm, we don't know you. 😂 We were going for something with strong French Quarter, New Orleans, Cajun vibes to match the Paranormal Investigator stuff pack's aesthetic. It's a super cool sounding name! **OP:** Thanks for the reply! Simultaneously relieved and surprised. Two other things: (1) With the name, y'all kind of blended a few Louisiana cultures. Guidry more a Cajun name, Duplantier more a Creole/colonizer name. It's ok, happens all the time, but you might enjoy this article about the original distinctions between Cajuns and Creoles and how they have somewhat folded together over time. [https://www.hnoc.org/publications/first-draft/whats-difference-between-cajun-and-creole-or-there-one#:\~:text=For%20Cajuns%20were%E2%80%94and%20are,rural%20parts%20of%20South%20Louisiana](https://www.hnoc.org/publications/first-draft/whats-difference-between-cajun-and-creole-or-there-one#:~:text=For%20Cajuns%20were%E2%80%94and%20are,rural%20parts%20of%20South%20Louisiana). (2) I'm going to have to post a lot more public photos of myself online to get my Google results back to pre Paranormal Stuff levels. 😂 And I'll definitely be trying out the game and hanging with my namesake! &#x200B; [*Someone links OP to the Art Director:*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Sims4/comments/13j6kzf/comment/jke822d/) **Redditor:** Okay so did a little digging. Stephen Edwards is the art developer of this pack. Here is his personal website, and an article in which he mentions briefly the development of Guidry’s character. Obviously the pack was created by a team though, so this dude probably didn’t name the sim and make his face. Still though, a starting point for exploration perhaps? Really wild coincidence if it is one! [https://www.stephenaedwards.com](https://www.stephenaedwards.com) [https://simscommunity.info/2021/01/19/the-sims-4-paranormal-developers-blog-part-2/](https://simscommunity.info/2021/01/19/the-sims-4-paranormal-developers-blog-part-2/) &#x200B; *From the Sims Community article the commenter above found:* * Interviewer: If you had to choose, what was your favorite feature to work on across all of the Sims? * Stephen Edwards: Aaarg! That’s a really tough question. Because the packs are so diverse each one has its own set of unique challenges. I would say the supernatural aspect of this stuff pack was a lot of fun and allowed the artists to get a little more fantastical and creative. Storytelling is such a fundamental part of the SIMS and that permeates through CAS \[Create-A-Sim\] and BB \[Build and Buy\] designs. While curating all the eclectic pieces we stuffed into this pack I was constantly making up little stories in my mind. Where the characters may have found it, what relevance does it have to them and ultimately is there enough depth in the design to spark the same questions in the players. Oh, and Guidry, he’s a composite of eras and characters. I would be really interested whether the players can pick apart the influences. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OP wonders whether a Sims 4 character is based on him

CONCLUDED

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1422ivp/op_wonders_whether_a_sims_4_character_is_based_on/

14241qi

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/VillageCrazyMan. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!Verbal Abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!I mean it's sad but OOP is wholesome af!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13pwdq0/aita_for_yelling_at_my_grandson/)**: May 23, 2023** Hello. I, James, male 58, am in some hot water with my family and thought this would be a good place to get a neutral opinion. My grandson, I'll call him Henry, male 27, often comes with me to play golf. We've been doing this since he was a child and it's a tradition that we hold at least twice a month. Recently, he's started bringing his girlfriend, I'll call her Georgia, a 25-year-old girl. She doesn't usually play with us, which is fine. She often sits in the golf cart and reads or listens to music and gives us snacks and drinks when we ask. She's a nice girl who I approve of my grandson being with, but there's only one problem. Henry often talks down to her, belittling her intelligence and sometimes just making fun of her. It makes me uncomfortable and I can see on her face that she doesn't like it, but she never says anything. We went to a party recently for one of my other grandkids, and Georgia came. Once again, Henry started belittling her, calling her stupid and telling her "not to fill up her plate too much." I pulled him aside and out of the room and told him that he needed to be nicer to Georgia. I admit I went off a bit and raised my voice, but I didn't realize how much I raised it. I was apparently yelling at him for about 10 minutes and then left. A lot of people heard and asked him what happened but he just left with Georgia. The day after the party, his parents, my daughter, and her husband, told me that it was none of my business what was going on in Henry's relationship and that I needed to apologize for trying to wedge myself in. They keep calling me asking for an apology but I don't want to. AITA? I think I might be because I embarrassed my grandson in front of our family. **Edit:** I admit, I lied about our ages. I'm not comfortable putting our real ages here but when I didn't put it in the first draft of this post it was deleted, so I just picked some random numbers. I'm sorry for any confusion this caused anyone, I didn't think it was a big deal. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is this a learned behavior?* "I have no idea where he could have learned this behavior. I lived with the three of them for a few months a few years ago and his father treated my daughter perfectly and vis versa. I've always tried to make an effort to show him how to treat women and show his mother how she should be treated, as did my wife. I'm assuming maybe a friend or group of friends encourage this." *Why was she there with you two?* "She actually started coming more and more because I asked for her to. I grew up in the country and she in the city so I enjoy her stories, and she's overall a nice young lady, so it's more my fault that she was there." *Why lie about your age?* "I'm just a little apprehensive about sharing my personal information. I'll give you a hint though: I'm old." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update Post (Same Post): May 30, 2023 (1 week later)** Hello everyone, James here again. I wanted to say thank you for all the advice on what to do. Quite a bit has happened since this all happened and I think you'd all be interested. I spoke to Henry and apologized for yelling at him. I realized that I'd never raised my voice at him before this incident, so I understood why he was so shaken up about it. But I also explained that I wasn't sorry for what I said and that he needs to be nicer to Georgia. But apparently, he won't have that chance. Georgia left him, which is unfortunate because I was looking forward to having her as a granddaughter one day, but I suppose this is the best outcome for her. Me and her had lunch earlier this week and she thanked me for standing up for her. After speaking with my grandson and his parents, I realized something. He may not have learned that behavior from his father but from his mother. I thought I had raised her better than that, but she talks down to her own husband and makes jabs at him. I'm not sure how I had not noticed it before, but I guess it never really occurred to me that abuse can be more than hitting or could be from a woman, but I'm educating myself about it. But I talked to her about that and she's convinced that it's ok. I explained to her that it's not and Henry is learning from her. I haven't gotten through to her yet, but I will keep trying. Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I'd also like to apologize again for the whole ages debacle. I'm a little paranoid about putting my age or any personal information online or on a website, so I usually lie. When I tried to leave out the ages before, the post was deleted, so I just made something up, I guess I should have picked better and more realistic ages.

AITA for yelling at my grandson?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14241qi/aita_for_yelling_at_my_grandson/

142brtm

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/TOMATOES-4-EVER **OOP HAS SINCE DELETED THEIR ACCOUNT** **My(24m) parents(49m),(49f) disowned me 5 years ago for false accusations, now they want to talk** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Homophobia, mentions of rape, mentions of death of a child, verbal abuse, emotional abuse emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11rmm7y/my24m_parents49m49f_disowned_me_5_years_ago_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 15, 2023** English isn't my first or second language I'm sorry I am bisexual, when that happened I was still in the closet and didn't tell anyone about my ex our relationship. My ex and my family were my whole world. I thought I had a good relationship with my parents. I had inside jokes with my dad. Shared hobbies with my mom. I also had a good relationship with my sister(10)at the time. I didn't drink, smoke, or be late most nights. I wasn't perfect. But I wasn't that troubled teenager of a boy that didn't even deserve to be fucking heard. In the summer, my ex and I planned "sleep over" at his parent's house. I know it was a stupid decision to sleep at his parent's house when no one knew about our relationship, but I was 19, stupid and hormonal. His parents heard us and his father entered the room and beat my ex-boyfriend, when he tried to hit me, his wife grabbed him and I quickly grabbed my clothes and ran away and went to my home. In the evening of the next day my father entered my room and grabbed my hair while my mother was crying and telling me if I had raped my little sister as well? I didn't understand what she was saying, and I told her of course I didn't rape her, but my father said that I was just a mistake and dragged me out of the house and told me that if I didn't run away from him now like i ran away from my victim house yesterday, he will turn himself in to the police because he will be murdering me. I tried to call my ex-boyfriend to make sure he was okay, but he didn't answer. When I called my grandmother, she told me I should be ashamed of myself and i should surrender myself to the police, and that she would support me if I did this. I tried to ask her what was happening, but she said that she couldn't bear to hear my voice and hung up the phone. I went to the house of my close friend Angle, she wasn't at home, but her father was(I call him uncle) I did not plan to talk to him, but I could not stand it and cried in front of him, he listened to me and assured me that i had a place in his house and to not worry. The next day, my uncle sat me down and told me that he spoke to my father, and he told him that I had raped my ex-boyfriend and forced him to do things he didn't want to do, had it not been for his parents discovering us, I would continued the rape. I was shocked and showed him the messages that were between us. I don't remember what happened but I was crying hysterically and Angle was holding me and my uncle calling the ambulance. After I got out of the hospital, we spoke with a lawyer and reached an agreement with my ex-boyfriend that he would confess to my family that it was a lie, otherwise I will file a defamation case. All the evidence was against my ex-boyfriend and he accepted, but it wasn't enough for my parents because they sent me a legal disowned letter. I will spare you from the details, but know that I am fine now. Two days ago, my parents sent me a long message, asking to"talk" they said my sister died, and they wanted me at the funeral on Friday, and to "talk", I told them to fuck off and to give the funeral location, they told me ethier I talk to them or they won't give me the time/location. I want to see my little sister, but I don't want to see my parents, the thought of them only make me sick. what did I do wrong to deserve this? Be gay? Edit: my uncle is actually my friend father i call him uncle out of respect for him, he isn't related to my family and doesn't know anyone except my parents Edit: I couldn't find my sister's death record online as some suggested, but I spoke to my aunt, and she assured me that my sister had died. I asked her about the location of the funeral, but she refused to tell me. I see alot of comments saying they are lying about my sister death i don't think they are i have nothing, I'm not successful, I don't own my own company or my own home I don't even have kids. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/122myfm/update_my24m_parents_49m49f_disowned_me_5_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 26, 2023** English isn't my first or second language I'm sorry Summary:- I was in a secret relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We were discovered and my ex-boyfriend accused me of raping him. My dad then disowned me 5 years ago. Two weeks ago my dad told me that my little sister had died. They asked me to talk to them, otherwise they would not give me the location of the funeral. I would be referring to my relatives by U an A, U for my uncle and A for my aunt, I would be calling my friend father uncle. Before the update I want to answer some questions:- Why did they accuse you of raping your sister and who accused you? I don't know Why don't you search for your sister's name online instead of talking to your family? I tried, but I couldn't find her name. My friend told me that sometimes these things take up to two weeks to go public. Why not ask funeral homes? I tried, but the law in my country is different Why don't you lie and tell your parents you'll talk after the funeral? My parents were very clear in the messages that they wanted to talk before Friday Why not ask your family members? I did. I asked U and A. U told me that he doesn't want to be in a family fight, and A confirmed my sister's death, but she didn't want to give me the location. I didn't want to continue asking because my family is small, and I didn't want to risk my parents knowing about my search for the funeral location About my ex:- When my ex-boyfriend confessed, he said that his parents wanted to kick him out and stop paying his college fees ,so he told them that I had raped him, and he wanted to report me to the police to shut his father up, but his father told him not to do that so he thought his parents dropped it. He didn't expect his parent's to go and talk to my parent's. The update:- Thanks Reddit I took a lot of your advice (This happened two weeks ago)After the post and talking to A and U, I decided to meet my parents. I didn't have much time until the day of the funeral, and I didn't want to miss it. Many of you advised me not to go, but I hope you understand my position. She is my only sister. I know that she has changed and isn't the same person anymore. But I was going to say goodbye to that child that I remember, not the person she is now. On Wednesday evening, I told my uncle about my decision. I didn't need to ask him if he could come with me or not. He beat me to it and said he would go with me. I asked Angel and another dear friend of mine, and they accepted. I spoke to the same lawyer who handled my rape allegations. I asked him to supervise my meeting with my parents. I did not expect him to accept, but surprisingly he did, he tried to confirm my sister's death, but unfortunately, due to lack of time, he couldn't. On Thursday morning, I spoke to my parents and told them that I would meet them this evening, but on my own terms:- 1) I will have a lawyer and we will meet at a law firm. 2) Half an hour after our meeting, my parents will give me the funeral location, or I will leave. My parents tried to argue, but I put my foot down and they agreed to my terms. When I got to the law firm and saw my parents for the first time in years, they smiled at me and waved like nothing had happened. After they sat down, the lawyer started recording the meeting and introduced himself before mentioning my first and new last name (my father disowned me and I legally lost my last name). I heard my new last name a lot in the past 5 years, but in that moment, it felt real. I don't know how to describe it, but the realization that I was actually disowned hit me. I feel that my parents felt the same way because the joy on their faces disappeared after hearing my name. After the lawyer finished explaining everything, the meeting started and my parents spoke to me as if the past 5 years had not happen. I was disgusted when my mother tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away.My parents didn't say anything worth mentioning. After half an hour, my lawyer asked my parents to give me the funeral location. My father said that when the family goes through difficult circumstances, they support each other. My friend interrupted him and told him my new last name. My parents seemed devastated, but my mother continued and said " do you know those feelings that you felt when you heard the news of your sister's death?, I will feel them soon". I was confused and asked her, What does this have to do with the funeral location? My lawyer spoke and asked my parents if my sister died or not? My father tried to change the subject, but my lawyer repeated the question and my father said no. You were right reddit, it was a lie. My sister didn't die. The writing was on the fucking wall, but I couldn't see it. Nothing written in the message was real. After my father told me that my sister wasn't dead, my body felt very heavy and I couldn't breathe. That's all I remember. I was told that I looked like a ghost, my lawyer tried to talk to me, but I didn't respond, so he decided to end the meeting, but my father objected and started yelling at me, I tried to run, but I fell and started vomiting excessively before I passed out on the floor. I feel like an idiot. I can't believe I fell for this lie. I kept telling myself that my parents wouldn't lie to me about this. We're not in a TV show or a movie. I kept telling my self that U who hates family drama wouldn't get involved in something like this, I can't believe they did this to my sister, FOR FUCK SAKE I AM THEIR SON! When my dad told me that he was going to kill me, I never thought he would do it, but now I'm not sure. I don't know who my parents are anymore. I don't even know why they lied. After the meeting, they sent me a message asking if I was okay? They didn't apologize or even give me any explanation what so ever. I filed a restraining order against my parents and anyone who's involved, including U and A. Some of my relatives contacted me and swore to me that they had nothing to do with what was happening and that they thought that my parents were going to talk to me about my grandmother's illness and her desire to see the family together. some of them even sent me medical reports proving her illness and her wanting to see me, but I don't want to see her or any of my family members ever again. When my ex confessed his lies she didn't believe my ex, she said I pressed my ex legally to lie about not being rape by me and I should stop lying and confess so everyone can move on. What hurt me the most was that she wanted to "fix me", she was sending me places that treat rapists and "me too" stories until I gave up and blocked her. The police were called on my parents, my sister is currently living with one of my relatives, and no I didint talk to her. My therapist advised me not to. I currently live with my uncle. I feel safe near him. He helped me a lot without question or hesitation. He even took care of my pet bird for free. I owe him,Angel and my friend a lot. Even in my teenage years before this happened, they were always by my side. I don't think I would have survived without them. I hope my sister have the same support too. I don't know why my parents resorted to lying about my sister, and I don't think I want to know, I lost what little respect I have for them. Thank you reddit. I don't know how this would have ended without your advice **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My(24m) parents(49m),(49f) disowned me 5 years ago for false accusations, now they want to talk

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/142brtm/my24m_parents49m49f_disowned_me_5_years_ago_for/

142gbey

I am not OOP. This was originally posted by u/Certain_Demand8445 on r/AmItheAsshole. Trigger warning: >!mention of domestic violence!< \-- [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13s5srs/aita_for_not_taking_my_wifes_side_and_siding_with/) **- May 26, 2023** Background: My wife (28 F) and I (30 M), as well as my brother and his wife went to visit our parents as we haven't seen them in a while. My parents (57) had a box of $300 ginseng in the fridge to be given as a gift for their close friend's wedding anniversary tomorrow — we know this because it came up in conversation during lunch. They also told us to help ourselves to anything in the fridge but to not touch the ginseng for obvious reasons. The problem came when a few hours later my parents called us in a panic saying that they couldn't find the ginseng and if anyone saw it. I didn't take it and at first I thought they just misplaced it somewhere. However, they insisted that they both agreed on not moving it out of the fridge drawer for that exact reason. All of us denied taking it and the conversation got more heated when my father started yelling that someone must have taken it since it only went missing when we came to visit. All of us continued to deny taking it, with my wife being really quiet, and my father said that if it doesn't turn up soon, he'd have to have everyone's belongings checked. That was when my wife admitted that she took it. Apparently it was some popular brand that my in-laws mentioned and she wanted to give it to them, and she thought that no one would notice since it was in an inconspicuous place in the fridge. My MIL later called and said my parents overreacted over "such an inconsequential thing" and screamed at me that I was an asshole for not defending my wife. The thing is, imo it wasn't a small thing, my wife literally stole hundreds of dollars from my parents and tried to lie her way out of it. While I agree that my parents shouldn't have started yelling and accusing us, I feel like my wife was in the wrong for taking the ginseng in the first place. This situation has caused a lot of friction and we haven't been speaking since coming home. AITA? VERDICT: NTA \-- [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13s5srs/aita_for_not_taking_my_wifes_side_and_siding_with/) **- added as an edit on May 27, 2023** After making the post, I thought a lot more about the situation. I realized after reading the comments that this indeed wasn't a one time situation. Things in our house like face creams, kitchen utensils and even household tools would go missing and I would just believe my wife's excuses. I feel like such an idiot for not realizing sooner, and honestly can't believe she took advantage of my trust like that. I guess a part of me refused the believe the truth which was how she thought she could get away with it this time. When I brought up divorce she immediately threatened to call the police to arrest me for domestic violence (When I had never laid a hand on her like that) so that I couldn't ever find a job again, so needless to say my lawyer is being called and this marriage will be over very soon. I have also apologized to my parents for all this awful behavior and they have accepted. To be honest, this is probably the best ending and I'm kind of glad this situation happened before it went on any longer. I'm incredibly done with my (hopefully soon ex-) wife and her side of the family (Whose mother called me again yesterday entirely remorseless and called me a childish mommy's boy). Thank you everyone for all the help and comments. Also, to clarify a few things, from what I'm aware, MIL was aware of my wife's actions, especially since she had done this sort of thing before (Taking things from our house to give to them) and didn't see anything wrong with it since neither of them like my parents. And since it was going to be a short visit (Like two hours tops), she thought no one was going to notice the missing ginseng before we left. \-- REMINDER: I am not OOP.

AITA for not taking my wife's side and siding with my parents?

ONGOING

rickysayshey

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/142gbey/aita_for_not_taking_my_wifes_side_and_siding_with/

142tsft

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/sirtwixalert in r/workingmoms. OOP gave me permission to repost.** trigger warnings: >!Brief mention of child death, suicide, and abuse, but not the subject of the post!< mood spoilers: >!Wholesome!< --- &nbsp; [**Today I find out if the past eleven years were worth it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/11q75uj/today_i_find_out_if_the_past_eleven_years_were/) - March 13, 2023 I started medical school in 2012, with the MD class of 2016; I’ll graduate this May, eleven years later, with the MD/PhD class of 2023. Four of those years were expected - two preclinical and two clinical years for the MD. Five more were added for the PhD, completed between the preclinical and clinical years of medical school. Another was interspersed throughout the two clinical years of medical school when my husband moved to another state for a three-year fellowship and I stayed behind to solo parent our daughters during most of my clerkships, and the last was tacked on as a leave of absence when COVID shutdowns and interstate travel restrictions would have kept our family separated indefinitely. I’ve been married for 9 of those years and a parent for 7. I had our first daughter just a few weeks after I passed my PhD qualifying exam and my husband started his intern year of residency; I had our second two years later, after I had switched labs and my husband had started his final year of residency; and I had our third three years later, after I had finished most of my third year clinical clerkships and my husband had finished his first year of fellowship and the whole world had set itself on fire. I was the primary parent, and I was parenting alone most of the time. During my graduate years, I got the kids ready and handed them off for the day, worked in the lab 9-5, and then picked them up, played with them, fed them, bathed them, put them to bed, cleaned and prepped for the next day before writing or analyzing data or reading until I couldn’t stay awake anymore. I brought my first tiny academic wingman to my first conference and gave my first presentation with her snuggled on my chest. I wrote my 243-page dissertation and prepped slides for my defense late at night with a sick child on my shoulder. During the clinical years, I coordinated early morning care for the days I needed to leave the house at 4am and late evening care for the days I couldn’t leave the hospital in time for daycare pickup at 6pm. I saved my 2 annual personal days for Halloween and the annual daycare-wide performance of the Nutcracker. I studied for shelf exams and board exams on my phone in the dark, sandwiched between two children who didn’t sleep through the night until this year and another who still wakes up at least twice a night. Most days looked like this, and many still do. During my rotations, I stood with another mom as her two year old died and listened to a thirteen year old share the experience of her suicide attempt for the first time and played peekaboo with a four year old while my attending looked for signs of abuse more subtle than her obvious bruises and fractures and realized that I wanted to work with children and their families. I made plans to apply to three specialties that would allow me to do so – psychiatry, pediatrics, and triple board, which combines pediatrics with adult and child/adolescent psychiatry – at the hospital where my husband works, the only location that would allow us to stay where we are now. It is unusual to apply to more than one specialty, and especially unusual to apply to only one location; for each of those specialties, students usually apply to an average of around 45 programs with the goal of interviewing with around 10 programs. But my daughters have been through enough, and I will not put them through another move. So I applied to three programs, interviewed at all three, and ranked all three. At 10am today I’ll find out whether I matched, and at noon on Friday I’ll find out which specialty I matched to. I’m too tired to even know what I want. Whether I want to match or not. Which program I want to match to. If I match, I know that the next 3-5 years of my life are largely out of my control and I will lose time with my daughters; I’m particularly sad at the thought of losing that time during the last few years that my oldest is still excited to hang out with me. If I don’t match, I’m sitting on a quarter of a million in debt without a clear path to repayment and back to square one in the finding-a-fulfilling-career game, and the time already lost in my daughters’ early years will sting even more than it already does. I was planning to process all of this alone today, but of course it’s a professional development day for our school system so my girls will be right here with me. They know that I’m nervous, they know that I’ll probably cry no matter what the email says, they know that I’ll be both happy and sad at the same time and they know that we’ll be ok. This morning I saw my oldest looking through our giant pile of Costco greeting cards and I heard her tell my middle that she chose the one that says GOOD JOB! because “no matter what happens, mama did a good job” and my middle solemnly declared that she would stop my youngest from spilling all the cups today because “that would probably be extra hard for mama today” while my youngest calmly poured her water on the cat in the other room. These kids. My heart. &nbsp; [**UPDATE: Today I find out if the last eleven years were worth it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/11txlg2/update_today_i_find_out_if_the_last_eleven_years/) - March 17, 2023 I matched to my top choice - psychiatry! It's bittersweet, as my 7-year old told me it would be, to close the door on pediatrics, and I think a part of me was hoping to fall down my rank list to triple board (which would have allowed me to do both), but this was the best outcome for my family and ultimately for me as well. In just a half-decade or so I'll be ready to practice independently, and I'm so excited to help kids and their families and learn all of the things I should have done differently with mine! &nbsp; *OOP also added additional updates to her original post:* Edit 1: I matched!!! My oldest read the email, all three ran around screaming, and then they went and pulled out the Costco card, the extra special other cards they made, and the bag of program (but not specialty) specific swag my husband had hidden for me. I assume he had a no-match bag hidden too, so now I’m on the hunt because that one probably has more candy. Edit 2: thank you all for your thoughts and well-wishes! One of the hardest things about adding the PhD (and then two extra other years) is that I know very few people in my graduating class, and it has been lovely to share this day with a larger community! &nbsp; *NEW: OOP responded to some common questions in the comments. For some reason Reddit keeps hiding her original comment so I've copied and pasted it here.* OOP here. My goodness, so much support and (supportive) rage. Allow me to clarify some things, particularly for folks who haven’t experienced medical training personally or vicariously and don’t understand the lack of control and sacrifice it entails. **Did you find the candy?** No, my husband was certain I’d match and had no backup plan. Of all the things to be mad about, be mad about that. Fear not, though, I had my own candy at the ready (as I always do). **Why do you have so much debt as an MD/PhD?** Because I paid for my first year and a half, about 80k in total, and that’s now 120k thanks to interest from 2012 until the loan pause. The rest is from childcare and a year of paying for both an apartment (VHCOL city) and a house (relatively HCOL area of an LCOL state, so somewhere in the middle). A resident’s salary doesn’t cover that, so we flexed my loans instead. **Why did you bother with the PhD if you were just going to practice clinically, you dumdum?** I’m in a research-track residency, and research is likely in my future, but really: because I wanted to. **What the hell is wrong with your husband, and why didn’t he make any sacrifices at all ever?** This is a tough one. I love how much more support you all want me to have, and how mad you are. I want more and I’m mad too, but I’m not mad at him so much as I’m mad at the system. This isn’t the way either of us thought things would turn out, and we’ve done our best to pivot and find a way forward that would let us balance our careers and our family (on a tightrope, obviously). It’s also not a situation we wandered into blindly. We made conscious decisions at every step, we made them together, and we both sacrificed. We started medical school a year apart (him first, then me), and then we got engaged. I decided that I wanted to pursue to PhD and he supported me fully even knowing that his options for residency would be limited to our city because I would be stuck there, and that we would be doubling our most challenging years because our paths were offset. I told him that I desperately wanted kittens, because I had always had cats and our house felt empty without them, and he helped find two to adopt despite his lifelong love of dogs and general mistrust of cats. I suggested a total DIY wedding and a monthlong honeymoon immediately following his sub-I and encompassing ERAS (residency application) submission, and he hopped right on board. He applied only to residencies within our extremely competitive city. We had kids mostly just when I thought we should have kids, based on when I thought it would be best to physically carry and deliver and breastfeed and such. This included: during his intern year, during his final year of residency, and during his first year of fellowship – the first and last being possibly the very worst times in medical training to add any extra life stress, and the middle no picnic either. He applied only to fellowships within our extremely competitive city the first time around, and when he didn’t match he worked there as a hospitalist for the year. He would have continued to do so, but he was a shell of himself and I actively encouraged him to apply again, this time more widely. I hoped that maybe I could transfer to finish out clinical rotations, or if I couldn’t transfer then I could take a leave of absence or at the very least just leave completely with my PhD. He found out that he matched out of state, three hours away, around the time I found out that my school would not consider any of those options. I could stay, or I could leave without my PhD and with a payback bill of roughly 430k (non-MSTP). He told me he would gladly pay back my debt if I wanted to leave, break his contract and stay if I wanted him to, or figure something else out. We figured something else out, which seemed like the best of three crummy options. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t easy, but it was a finite and doable plan that (should have) involved spreading roughly 18 months of clinical rotations out over three years. It (would have) allowed me to bring our kids to visit him for a full month every other month, and during rotations we would have (and did) see each other every weekend. But alas, life. And COVID. I made the biggest sacrifices there, I’ll give you that. But one of us had to make money, and he was the only one who could do that. He was also the only person whose level of training made him actually useful to society during a pandemic, though that didn’t factor into my decision to take a leave of absence (which my school was suddenly totally on board with, very cool). Those years were garbage for everyone in the world, so I won’t dwell on them. I was not ok and he was working most of the time, but that would have been true whether I took a leave with him or stayed the course without him, and we both had more time with our kids and each other than we would have otherwise. And then he finished fellowship, and he applied to attending jobs in the very few locations that I felt I would be happy whether I matched to residency or not. Bought us a sweet old house even though it probably (ok, definitely) made more sense to rent for a while because I loved it and he knew I didn’t want to move again. Gave me the green light to make my own decisions about residency, a career change, or just some solid time away from work to decide what I wanted and made it clear that he would support whatever choice I made in every way he could. If you’re mad at anyone, be mad at the system that’s had him working 80-120 hour weeks for the last 8 years, because for the remaining 48-88 hours he has been an engaged parent and husband even when he probably wanted nothing more than to fall into bed. And a little bit at him, but mostly because of the candy thing. **Yeah but why couldn’t he take the kids so you could do your thing?** I mean, he could have. And he did. There would a couple months at the end of COVID when I started rotations again and he held down the fort with our older girls (the youngest came with me because she was still breastfeeding and I had the boobs), and a couple more when he had all three once she stopped breastfeeding. Beyond that, it didn’t make sense to leave the kids with him and pay a nanny or daycare there when we already had to pay daycare in my city to keep their spots. **Why did you even have kids if you don’t even see them or provide stability for them?** We like them! Also, if you’re intentional about spending what little time you have together and also about the way you spend that time, you can create lovely relationships and foster stability even in the midst of chaos. But mostly because we like them! **Reminder - I am not the original poster. OOP is u/sirtwixalert, who deserves all the credit.**

Today I find out if the past eleven years were worth it

CONCLUDED

MerryxPippin

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/142tsft/today_i_find_out_if_the_past_eleven_years_were/

1431wq9

Posted to r/crochet by u/Obvious-Basket-3000 with updates in the same post. Mood spoiler: >!the entitlement here, seriously 🙄😑!< [**Tips on Handling Choosey Beggars?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/13jmfkt/tips_on_handling_choosey_beggars/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) 16 May 2023 Or share your stories, because I can't be the only one about to throttle a b\*tch. I made a baby blanket for a coworker's daughter. I don't know her at all, but her mother is a lovely woman who I've genuinely enjoyed working with so far. I bought the yarn with my own money and had every intention of it being a gift. I finished it up and passed it on with the message I had enough left over for a matching baby beanie and gloves if she wanted them. Got a text two weeks later and thought it was the obligatory thank you. *Nope.* She said she 'appreciated' the gift, but heard from her mother I had some leftover yarn. She wanted to know if I could give her the value of the unused yarn in a gift voucher because she was expecting a certain amount spent on her (??!!). How do I even *begin* to respond to that? JFC. Please share your tips (or experiences) because I feel like someone's put a bucket over my head and started beating it with a 2x4. ETA/Update: I sent my co-worker a screenshot of the text and asked if I was interpreting it correctly (was her daughter asking for the value of the leftover yarn as a cash gift, or is there some kind of miscommunication?) Got a text a few hours later asking if I'd like to go to lunch tomorrow so we can talk, her shout (we're all WFH and I'm not saying no to free food). ETA/Update 2: Back from lunch. Coworker was extremely apologetic and looked tired. After assurances this incident wouldn't change how well we got along (she's my favourite work Auntie) she let me know what happened. Turns out Daughter had looked up similar blankets so she could brag about the value of her gift. Neither she nor Coworker knew how much some blankets can sell for. However, when Daughter heard I had more yarn and was offering to make things she didn't want or need, she got upset. She didn't want to turn down the accessories and have me using "her" yarn to make things I could profit from (she made the assumption I sell things after Coworker told her how busy my projects keep me). Daughter asked for the value of the leftover yarn because she felt like since it was bought for her, and I didn't use it all, I should make up the difference in cash so she felt like I wasn't trying to scam her (*how is it* ***scamming*** *you? I seriously can't even*). We talked more and I let her vent. The sad thing about all of it was this isn't the first time Daughter has done something like this. She also doesn't apologize, so Coworker ends up being the one to do it for her. We both ate too much and she followed through on her offer to pay. When I got home I found a card slipped into the back of my bag. It was a really lovely Thank You one with way too much money in it. Coworker refused to take my calls when I started spamming her but did send me a text saying it was compensation for me having to put up with her daughter's attitude. I'm not mad anymore, just really sad for Coworker (I'm going to make her something with the money she gave me). For those curious: it was a 40"x40" (102cm x 102cm) blanket. I bought 7x skeins of Premier's Chenille Bloom yarn & 2x Parfait Chunky. I don't know how much that would be worth in other countries. [*a breakdown from one of the BORU commenters*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1431wq9/tips_on_handling_choosey_beggars/jn9igft/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) The skeins she mentions are 5.00 USD each She spent around 45 USD for the blanket. I did a little stalking to find what currency is used (I promise no contact was made) The value of the blanket, material wise, in OOP's home country is 67.45. Minimum wage in OOPs homecountry is 21.38 and it takes an average of 20 hours to make a baby blanket. Labor is equivalent to 427.6. OOP could reasonably charge 500.00 per blanket or in the US 340.00. The most luxurious baby blankets I know of is $25-$150 for a baby sized one. And she gifted it. **Reminder, no brigading!**

Tips on Handling Choosey Beggars?

CONCLUDED

BORU_Lover

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1431wq9/tips_on_handling_choosey_beggars/

1432n05

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/Particular_Figure123. She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own page. Thank you to u/queenlegolas for finding this and sending it my way! Yes this is a different BORU than a similarly titled one from 2019 [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vb6un5/woman_finds_out_her_husband_has_a_secret_second/). **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity (duh)!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly the best ending you could hope for in this situation!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ve9wly/my_husband_has_a_second_family/)**: June 17, 2022** The ultimate cliche has happened in my life, and i’m absolutely broken. My husband, my rock, has been having an affair for over 17 years. We have been married for over 25 years. We have 3 beautiful children, two in college and one who still lives at home. But turns out, he’s had another set this whole time. My husband is an insurance broker, he has multiple branches over the country which he spends week on, week off. turns out on his week off, he’s been with his other family in Albuquerque, where his other branch is. He’s got a fiancé, whom he has 2 kids with, both in their early teens. I found out when I went to make a new facebook account, and when i searched my husbands first name, another profile, with another last name popped up, and through that profile were the links to his fiancé’s and his other kids facebooks. My husband is currently with said family, and i know it’s him because his most recent post is a photo of him and that other family eating dinner. Among those photos were photos of him kissing the girl, and him being fatherly with kids who look nearly identical to my husband. I am absolutely broken. Almost every part of me wants to scream in his face, and reprimand him for ruining my life. But another part of me wants to pretend to be ignorant and let it be. Because our life is peaceful, he’s good with our kids, hes the main source of financial income, he’s loving, but he’s also all those things to another family. Not only would i be tearing a gaping hole into my family, i’d be opening up a vortex for them too. My heart is in shambles, i’ve never cried so much in my life, my youngest son is currently on a graduation trip with friends, and i’m alone till my lying, cheating, bastard husband comes home. My life is absolutely wrecked. It’s literally a movie plot, i’m hoping he’ll just come home and it’ll be a big misunderstanding why he’s kissing a woman with a ring on her finger. I don’t know what to do anymore, i’m tempted to pack a bag and just leave. I can’t be in the home where we’ve raised our kids, where we’ve spent every christmas for the last 26 years and where i’ve been alone on new years taking care of our babies, while he “works his ass off”. I just can’t. I want to leave a note for him to come home too, hurt him like he’s hurt me, but i don’t think that’s possible. I dont know how i’ll ever face him again. **Update (Same Post): June 21, 2022 (4 days later)** This is a follow up: Firstly, thank you so much for the advice. I’m not in any means good with legal things, so all legal advice has been noted. I’ve rung an attorney, we are discussing the process, he’s also told me to gather as much evidence as i could; such as photos of the facebook pages, text messages, and resent flight information. All has been put into a folder and i’ll present it to a judge or jury when we go into some sort of divorce proceeding. Again not fully clear with specifics, but it’s a good sign. I’ve also been in contact with the other woman. I’ve told her, explained the situation, and she was equally as distraught. From what i’m aware she’s financially independent from him and they don’t share property, so it seems very clean cut on her behalf. My husband is aware of the fact I know, and is currently staying in a hotel, but he is unaware the other woman knows. I confronted him when he walked through the door. He started to cry, and plead, and it was honestly kind of pathetic. I mean, i was crying too, but i’ve chosen to think of him as a pathetic coward for doing this. Because he is. But anyways, I have my name on the property - we both do - so it’s not like I can just kick him out, but he’s chosen to stay away for “my sake”. All i am thinking is ‘if he chose to stay away for “my sake” maybe being faithful for “my sake” should of been considered too.’. Despite this, he’s staying away. He’s in a hotel down town where he calls every few hours to “check up”. Im no longer sad. Well, i am. But i’m way more furious than sad currently. My kids still have no idea, and my youngest thinks my husband is just working more in Albuquerque because of a business problem. Im still confused at how to tell them they have 2 half siblings, and two parents, one with an extra back up parent. I’m just feeling very, very unappreciated and unwanted lately, but your kind words have been so helpful. Thank you guys so much.Much love. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Particular_Figure123/comments/10at17c/update/)**: January 13, 2023 (6 months later)** This is in reference to my post titled “My husband has a second family”. Firstly, I would like to start of by thanking everyone who had positive things to say. The wide spread support has been so helpful during this period and I am truly amazed at the kindness shown to me. Thank you. And now the update, I won’t be going into details about the divorce because it is still ongoing, but do rest assured it is happening. A few people seemed worried I was going to stay with him, and for a period of time I would have, but no, we are divorcing. On that note I have completely cut contact with him, our contact is through lawyers only. He officially moved out of the house, and my middle moved back in to help out over the break. My kids have, to my knowledge, cut most contact with him, but I haven’t asked as it is not my place. Also custody isn’t a problem because my youngest turned 18 recently. We have also been in contact with the other family and we even spent christmas together. Despite being a little awkward at first me and his ex fiancé are trying our hardest to bring the kids together harmoniously. And that’ll be the last update, i’m logging off of reddit now. I will continue living my life, i’ll try to support my kids through theirs, but I’ll forever be thankful for the support and love you all have shown. Yours truly and sincerely, OP **I sincerely hope OOP, her kids and the other family are living their best lives.**

My husband has a second family.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1432n05/my_husband_has_a_second_family/

1432noo

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA5998 **I (32f) am invited to join a get together with 3 other women (f30+) and don't know how to behave/act** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12bdi2v/i_32f_am_invited_to_join_a_get_together_with_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Apr 4, 2023** Hello there So I (32f) got invited to a get together with 3 other women (30+), their spouses (all m 30+) and their kids. Which sounds lovely, but is kinda my personal nightmare fuel right now. 3 years ago I moved in a very, very rural area for my soon-to-be ex-husband. Shortly after moving my car broke down and I didn't had the money for a new one. Since then I practically stayed at home all day. The only time I'm out of the house is to bring my son to kindergarten, bring him home or when I need some groceries that I can buy in the very small shop here in the village. My social interactions were limited to some info exchanges with the teachers, sometimes another parent who wanted small talk or the lady at the bakery who likes to gossip. Making friends was hard as everyone here seems to always be busy. 6 months ago I met this woman who we will call Jane. I don't talk to her on a daily basis and we haven't exchanged numbers. She works at this small shop. Everytime I buy something there we would chat a bit and last week Jane invited me and my son to just have a fun day with her, 2 of her friends, their spouses and the kids. I accepted. This get together is next week and I'm constantly going from excitement to panic to pure joy to mentally exhaustion. I've been kept locked up by my soon to be ex for 3 years. I have no clue how someone behaves around others. What are topics to talk about? What topics to avoid? Do you still shake hands when you meet someone new? Do I bring gifts? These and more questions are constantly on my mind. I would love to have some friends and I don't want to ruin it. To be fair I thought I ruined it already a month ago. She did me a favor and as a thank you I baked her some cookies. I handed them to her while doing a bow like someone would bow to a princess and said "I couldn't do [favor], so the least I can do is bake". She smiled but I wanted to run away as fast as possible. I'm so awkward and just don't know how to be normal anymore. I appreciate every advice even if it's just a "don't pick your nose". I'm desperate. Thank you for reading **RELEVANT COMMENTS** fraserfraser >You sound genuinely lovely and these people will be lucky to have you in their lives! >I find the best topics of conversation in social situations are often the most basic…you just ask people how their week is going and share stuff that's going on with you. It can seem awkward or banal at first but eventually you’ll find things that resonate. >Congratulations on leaving your ex who's kept you locked up(?!) and good luck with the next stage of your life. OOP replied >Thank you so much! The basics sound good. I can do that without making awkward gestures. Should I ask her if I bring something? Baked goods or a salad or whatever? Or would that be rude since I was invited? >I don't know if locked up was the right wording. Turns out he had money on the side and could have helped me with a car. He also had always something planned when I wanted to meet someone. He basicly ruined upcoming friendships for me. And he insisted to buy groceries after work, so I couldn't even do the big grocery shopping and get a change of scenery. I'm glad he's out of my life [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13wfnk3/update_i_32f_am_invited_to_join_a_get_together/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 31, 2023** I don't know how to link to the original post. I'm sorry Thanks to those who gave me advice. It helped me a lot! I talked to my therapist about everything and she basicly said the same as the commenters "Be you. Be quirky. Who wants only boring friends when you could have someone who brings sunshine and fun into your day!" So first things first: the get together was cancelled. One of the women broke her leg and everyone agreed to schedule it after she is fine again. The day after my post I asked Jane if I could have her number. Still awkward I told her I won't call or write too much and I would contact her for the get together only. She laughed a sweet laugh and told me to contact her whenever I feel like to talk about whatever I want. She would be happy, because she conciders me a friend. In my head I was shrieking like a fan girl! As we talked and texted for some days she asked me if she could give a friend of hers my number. This friend is the other women from their group (not the one with the broken leg). Shortly after agreeing an unknown number texted me and introduced herself as "Hanna". She didn't beat around the bush and asked me if I wanted to come to her WEDDING! I asked if she was sure about that, because a wedding is for family and friends. She wrote "I am married already, but we didn't have a party. It was in the courthouse. We want to say our vowes again and celebrate with loving people around us. Family and friends. And, well, maybe we could be friends" We texted for a while and she told me how good Jane speaks of me, that Hanna herself is a bit quirky and she would love to have another quirky friend. I accepted the invitation. She told me the wedding will be at her farm and she's looking forward to meet me and my son there. She also was very understanding of my sons ARFID and has no problems with me bringing some snacks for my son. I promised to bring more so he could share if another kid wants some. All in all I'm happy to meet new people soon and maybe make some (more) friends. And the best part for now is texting with two lovely women whenever they have free time (they are both busy people). I'm glad I posted on reddit. It kind of gave me a confidence boost and I was able to ask Jane for her number. All I've experienced since then was pure happiness and joy. Thank you again for reading! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** mittenminute >I am so proud of you for putting yourself out there! I empathize with you, I have always struggled to know how to behave around other women, especially when I really want to befriend them. You have broken the ice beautifully and it sounds like Jane and Hanna are kind and welcoming people - I hope you enjoy the wedding and that these new friendships flourish! OOP replied >Thank you so much! I still have a lot of work to do regarding myself. I still look at someone, think I would like to talk to that person and then beat myself up with thoughts like "They have enough friends already" or "Out of my friendship-league". Take my virtual hug. I'll cheer you on! You can do it! . khantroll1 >You have no idea how much this story of someone over 30 making friends made my day! Seriously a ray of sunshine! Congrats! ​ >(There is absolutely no /s in this. As someone over 30, I firmly attest that making friends post college is difficult for the "quirkier" of us) OOP replied >Thank you so much! It really is different. In school you see others almost daily and just decide it works. And now you have to schedule work, appointments, family etc on both sides to have time. . **OOP HAS GIVEN A LITTLE UPDATE IN THE THREAD** [BORU mini update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1432noo/i_32f_am_invited_to_join_a_get_together_with_3/jn8etqf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Wow! I'm blown away that my posts really are on BORU. Thanks again for all the nice words everyone has for me and my little journey! The wedding is in 2 weeks and I'm currently shopping for an outfit for it. I promise I will update afterwards! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (32f) am invited to join a get together with 3 other women (f30+) and don't know how to behave/act

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1432noo/i_32f_am_invited_to_join_a_get_together_with_3/

1432oy7

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/Whofuckingknows2. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole, her own profile and r/TrueOffMyChest. I posted the first few updates in BORU 2 months ago [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/125co5g/aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fianc%C3%A9/). These are her newest updates. **The start of the new updates is marked with \*\*\*\*** **Trigger Warning:** >!Verbal/emotional abuse that escalates; drug addiction!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!rollercoaster but it's pretty bleak right now!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11j7rob/aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fianc%C3%A9/)**: March 5, 2023** My fiancé (m22) was injured over a month ago and had surgery to correct things literally two days after the accident. I (21f) have been my his side the entire time. I have more or less become his caregiver. In the last month I have taken over the role of keeping our house together. I cook all the meals. I take care of the pets. I stay up all night to tend to his endless needs. I take him to the bathroom. I have been working remote. I haven’t left the house for more than an hour since the accident (aside from taking him to and from appointments). I am not saying this to complain, I am grateful that my life allows for me to support him the way I have. My problem is his attitude. He was given very strong pain killers for the first two weeks after surgery. He had to extend his time on them and recently stopped taking them in the last week. When he was taking them, he thanked me, told me how much he loved me, apologized at every step, though he didn’t need to. Without the meds he doesn’t seem to see that I am helping him. Every dish I bring him is the wrong one, he will yell for me and when I come he will tell me to “fuck off” if he’s in pain he expects me to fix it. I am exhausted. I can’t do anything right and it is wearing on me. I haven’t slept in weeks. I haven’t seen a friend or family member in way too long. I can’t even be on the phone for more than 10 minutes without it being an issue. After days of what turned into verbal abuse, I called my MIL. I told her everything as soon as I saw he was asleep. I cried for about 15 minutes. I felt terrible unloading on her like that, but I had so much built up frustration I just couldn’t stop. She was very supportive on the phone, let me know I wasn’t wrong to feel like that., and let me cry. After hearing everything she was furious and ended our call to talk to her son. She tore him an new asshole. I heard him trying to defend himself through the door but it was mostly just stammering. She flew up yesterday and put me up in a nice hotel. I haven’t heard much from my fiancé since I left but as I was leaving he was yelling at me for calling his mom, he said he didn’t want to marry someone who couldn’t be there for him in sickness. I told him I loved him and I was sorry, I am just so tired. He didn’t care and just told me to go, and his mom could do a better job for him then I ever could. So now I’m in my way too nice hotel room, feeling like a major AH. I need to know if I am wrong here.Edit- He began weaning off two weeks ago and became fully dependent on over the counter medication this week. He did not stop taking them cold turkey. His doctors were heavily involved too, due to previous drug abuse. **Edit 2- March 6, 2023 (Next Day)** MIL is taking him back to they’re hometown once they can get flights together. I’ll stay in this hotel until then. Fiancé doesn’t want to talk yet and tbh I don’t blame him, he knows what’s coming and that I am pissed. I’ll go visit him in a week so I have until then to decide how I want to move forward. My mother called last night about a venue she found in my hometown and I told her what’s going on, she doesn’t want to spend a bunch of money on a “pending divorce” so we are stepping back from planning. Not much more to add, I’m excited to see my pets and be able to sleep in my own bed. I’m going to try to make my sister fly to my state so I can have some company. That’s pretty much it. I’m in serious awe about how I let my life get like this, but oh well. Today will be better. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is it withdrawal?* "He behaves like this frequently when in pain, just never to this degree. I can promise you that he had been weaned off and would tell me if that’s what he was feeling. I have seen him go through much worse withdrawals when we first met and this isn’t that. He is lashing out on me in pain, which I get. I was the only person around." "He has a history of drug abuse, I took administration of the pills very seriously. Due to his history we worked very closely with his psychiatric team and the orthopedic to make his weaning period as easy as possible. I should have put that in the post but he did not stop cold turkey."*Is this abnormal behavior?*"He has what some would call a short fuse. Especially with me. Him saying hurtful remarks to me or just blatantly putting me down is not necessarily uncommon and is something we are working on. Prior to this he would apologize and make it up to me, now even when I’m in tears he will just keep laying on insults." *OOP has thoughts later that day:* "Being away and able to process the last month of my life has been eye opening. I couldn’t imagine trying to care for a child under conditions like that. I couldn’t imagine how frustrated I would be. HIs injury is in his arm, he can walk, he can use his left (dominant) hand. I understand that he is in pain and its awful but I have had a friend with much worse injuries help us move! I’m thinking about returning my ring." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update in comments (Same Post): March 13, 2023 (8 days later)** "I’ve returned. My last night in the hotel I called my parents to make a plan and it didn’t go well. I’m home with my fiancé again. He wont talk to me except to bark orders at me. I’m hoping I can move out within a month or two. Surgery and recovery are expensive and we have been living on my income for some time and I’m pretty broke but I’m keeping my head up and I’m confident I can get myself out." *Why didn't he go with his mom?* "I know she pushed for him to go home but he is a very stubborn boy. Thank you, I will be okay." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Whofuckingknows2/comments/11yx1ya/update_aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fianc%C3%A9/)**: March 22, 2023 (17 days from OG post)** Updates on AITA seem like a process so I’ll just post here. I went home two days after posting. Things were sad. My mil had cleaned but the energy in the house was a bummer. The first thing he said to me when I got back was “I’m glad you’re back, can you make me a snack?” There was no apology, no accountability, just a task. He only talked to me when he needed something. His attitude was worsening. My mil took the rest of he prescribed opiates so I knew he wasn’t using. The weekend following the MIL debacle my wonderful Fiancé told me he had friends coming to stay for the weekend. 2 hour heads up. Didn’t ask. I sighed and made up the guest room. His friend and friends girlfriend came to stay. During the stay my fiancé bought me flowers, got out of bed daily, took me out, and let me call my parents unsupervised. The day they left he was back to bed with a shitty attitude. I wish I could say I am in my own apartment with my pets and a bottle of rosé that’s just for me. Or with my girlfriends that I haven’t seen in months. Unfortunately I’m writing this on the couch while I listen to the music that are his endless demands. However I do have a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m scared to leave him in person but he’s leaving the country for a month in April. My sister lives abroad and I’m working on getting to her during that month. It’s a process especially with pets. I look forward to getting there. My mother hasn’t spoken to me since I told her I was returning the ring because “That’s not we do, we clean our messes.” But I have my fathers unwavering support. I’ll miss my MIL but I deserve that kindness and understanding from my partner, not his mother. I have stopped forcing myself to find the joy in his presence and its helping to fuel my drive to get out of here. I may update again when I get to my sister but don’t be surprised if I do my best to put this chapter behind me. Thanks for the kind words. I hope you all get the love and hugs you need. **Update in a comment on my OG BORU post:** *Why isn't he with his mom?* "MIL was planning on taking him, he refused. Things got very bad since I posted this. Im currently in my childhood room at my fathers (decently hungover) and I am officially a single lady." **OOP then added a few new comments to her latest post in regards to questions:** *About "calling her parents unsupervised":* "I called my sister once when I was scared of him awhile back. She called the police. He liked to be in the room when I was talking to family following that incident so I didn’t say anything “dramatic”. I should have seen how bad it was. Typing that out just feels gross." *More about what happened:* "I don’t want to get too into it but we had a bad night. It ended with me locked on the balcony. I still have some bruising. I was able to call my father on my watch and we made a plan to get me home the next morning" *Are you and your pets safe?* "Yep. Im with my dad now." "They are. They aren’t in my arms yet but I should get them back in the next week." **\*\*\*\*Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Whofuckingknows2/comments/12m5f15/final_update/) **2: April 14, 2023 (5 weeks from OG post, 3 from last)\*\*\*\*** It’s been some time and I finally feel comfortable enough with my situation to update y’all. My pets and I are safely with my father. We’ve been here a couple weeks and things are going well. I’m working remote but also searching for a new position closer to my hometown so I can still have a social life. My animals are adapting to life without their dad, and I’m doing my best to join them. My ex and I were high school sweethearts. I have been through most major life event with him. There is only a small fraction of my life as an adult that I have been through without him. Leaving was really hard. I am still second guessing myself. But I realized recently that by not enabling his shitty behavior I really am helping him. He went on his planned trip and I took that opportunity to get everything I needed from our shared home and made arrangements going forward for my lease. He took his trip as an opportunity to reflect on his behavior within our relationship, specifically the last year. He is pretty disappointed in himself. It seems that the company he was on vacation with helped to hold a pretty clear mirror to his face and he was really unhappy with what he saw. I feel bad he’s really having a hard time with this self awareness but I do really appreciate the accountability that has been accompanied. I’d like to add that I don’t hold any resentment towards him. I am hurt and disappointed in the way he felt he could treat me, but I don’t hate him. I was sad to hear how upset he was with himself, though a little relieved I wasn’t being painted as the “crazy ex” I was sure he would paint me as. Since getting home he has started therapy and is looking for a new sponsor. We talk about once a week so he can see his pets, I also do not mind the positive updates. When we talk it’s respectful, there is still a lot of love, but I’ve set boundaries that keep him from hounding me about our relationship. I have also started a new therapy. This is my first serious breakup and the after shock is real. It’s hard to lose your best friend, future husband, and father of your fur babies in one go. I am confident however, that this is essential to both of our growth. I’m happy that we can have a respectful albeit small relationship. Who knows what the future holds but for now I’m doing my best to be content with this new independence, and grateful my life can go through road blocks and I can get through easily, thanks to my amazing support system. I still haven’t spoken with my mother. That will be much later and I will be requiring a serious apology. I love my mom, but I’m not going to stand for her demanding I make really unhealthy choices to appease her, and so she doesn’t have to be “embarrassed by my broken home”??? I mean come on man I’m 21. My broken little tykes home lets be real. I am young and smart and pretty and I have a really good kind life in my future. Thank you for helping me not settle for “comfortable”. I hope I never have to update again. And I hope you are all having a really Good Friday. ***Relevant Comment:*** *It's good his behavior is improving, but don't rejoin the relationship:* "Absolutely. I’m pleased to see progress. Period. I have no intentions of rejoining that relationship. I am just really happy that he is also getting a new start that is positive, and I am proud of him for taking it seriously and getting the help he needs. I was fully expecting self destruction while blaming me and instead he’s owning up to his mistakes and trying to do better for himself." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Whofuckingknows2/comments/132770v/surprise_twist/) **3: April 28, 2023 (2 weeks from last post, almost 2 months from OG post)** I left out of my last post my final interaction with my ex. It didn’t seem too important at the time, but we had a final hookup the last time I saw him. I am now pregnant. This was my biggest fear while with him, having a child and being solely responsible for them. I am now in that exact position. I told my ex a couple days after I found out. I assured him that this changes nothing about our relationship, but as he is the father he has the right to be involved in the conversation. He declared he is moving to my hometown and he will be “the best goddamn father you’ve ever seen”. I have my doubts, I am full of anxiety. I’ve barely learned how to treat my self correctly. I want my kid to be so beyond loved. I want my child to have everything in the world and more. I don’t know how to do that on my own. I am encouraged to see my ex making big boy steps to be a part of our kids life. But I’m also cautious he’s doing all this to get back in my good graces. I can’t be a mom to my ex and my future child. I cant fall back into the same dynamic that made me leave. I am doing what I can to stay strong and hold my ground, but then he send flowers, or a massage certificate, or a bump box. Every gift, every check in text, and every mention of OUR baby gets me closer to going back to him. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I guess its cathartic to get this all down and out in my own words. It’s hard to write your own narrative in your words in a small gossipy home town. It’s hard to be pregnant and single. But the hardest thing is telling your father that you’re expecting no matter how old you are. I know we will be okay. I am already trying everything in my power to be a good mom already. I am trying to be respectful to everyone I can regarding this situation but damn its tough. Anyway thats my ramble. I doubt anyone reads these anymore lol but I’m glad I said it. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Are you sure you want to be tied to him for the rest of your life? Because that's what this baby will do:* "No i am not. Im not too sure about much right now. I do know that I already love this baby more than I can say. I know that he loves our baby already too and thats all I really care about. His mom is good at reigning him in and I have to believe that things are going to be okay" **Slight Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13wp755/i_love_you_but_fuck/)**: May 31, 2023 (1 month from previous update, almost 3 from OG)** My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship. I went to live with my dad as soon as I could decide and kept my contact minimal. After high school I moved away for college and for a good job with my ex. My mom followed me to my new city and we tried to rebuild our relationship. Unfortunately I got scared of the choices I made when I was with her so I went back to low contact and she moved back to my hometown. Unfortunately recently my life turned upside down. Long story short my boyfriend and I broke up. I moved home (with my dad) and got a new, better job. Then I found out I was pregnant. My dad has a full house and I made the decision to move to my mothers guest house for my pregnancy so I can save more money for Bebe, and move out once they are around 2 months old. The timeline works for my finances, and I figured, since I’m just on her property, not main house, it might be easy to keep a low profile. How naive. After work daily she comes over to “check on” me. She hasn’t failed to offer me an alcoholic beverage. Not once since I moved in. She chain-smokes right out side my bedroom daily, and she stays late. I know its her home. I know that she’s very kind to have me here, but I’m growing a person right now. I am preparing myself for motherhood. Single motherhood. I work long demanding hours. I am stressed and isolated. I would love a fucking drink. But I’m pregnant. I cant drink. The time I brought it up, I was screamed at and she asked me to leave in the morning. It was really upsetting and stressful. I feel like she comes here to bait me into picking a fight so she can pull every power play to make me feel small. So any way. Mom, I love you. But, fuck man. I am trying to give our entire family a healthy new friend. I am trying to reestablish myself as an adult in the town that I was a child in. I am trying to do better for myself and my baby. Please respect that for me. Please respect that enough for your grandchild. I love you. Please, try to love me. **Please remember the no brigading rule. You will be banned from this sub if you message OOP or if you comment on her posts.** **EDIT: Again. If you comment on the original posts, positively or negatively, you WILL BE BANNED FROM THIS SUB and you run the risk of ruining this for** ***everyone*** **by having this sub banned.** **STOP. FUCKING. COMMENTING.**

NEW UPDATES: AITA for calling my MIL on my Fiancé?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1432oy7/new_updates_aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fiancé/

143u7d2

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/PoisonedGem **My boyfriend (29m) wants my daughter (6f) to call him daddy** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Originally posted to** r/Advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation, verbal abuse and emotional abuse of a child!< **OOP POSTED TO TWO SUBS BUT STAGGERED UPDATES/EDITS BETWEEN THE TWO** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13wv7bo/my_boyfriend_29m_wants_my_daughter_6f_to_call_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 31, 2023** My ex Dean (30m) and I (27f) share 50/50 custody of my 6 year old daughter named Santina. We broke up about 2 years ago on mutual terms, and are pretty good friends now. Even though my ex and I are no longer together, he is a great dad to coparent with, and he absolutely adores Santina. She is the apple of his eye, and she adores him equally as much. I have been seeing someone new (Aiden, 29m) for the past 8 months. He's been very good to me, and I enjoy his presence a lot. We have not said I love you yet, but I can see it happening very soon. When we first met I made it clear that I had my daughter 50% of the time and that her father was very active in her life. Aiden was fine with this, and we got very close very fast. A couple of days ago I went to pick Santina up from Dean's house, and Dean asked to speak with me privately before we left. He seemed pretty mad, which is very unusual for him. He told me that Santina had asked him if he really loved her or not. He told her that he does love her, more than anyone, and wanted to know why she asked to begin with. She then revealed to him that Aiden had been pressuring her to call him daddy for the past few weeks without my knowledge, and that she should stop calling Dean daddy because Dean left us, which meant that he didn't love her as much as Aiden did. I was absolutely astounded and pretty furious. I told him I had no knowledge of this, but I would absolutely get to the bottom of it. On the way back to my house, I told Santina that I overheard Aiden asking her to call him daddy (I didn't want her to think Dean had betrayed her trust by telling me) and asked her how she felt about it. She said it made her mad because she already had a dad and didn't want another one and that she was upset with Aiden for saying her daddy didn't love her because her daddy DID love her. I reassured her that her dad did in fact love her more than anything on this planet, and that I would get Aiden to stop. She seemed visibly relieved. I tried to keep my face from revealing the pure rage I felt inside, because I didn't want her to think I was mad at her. Later that night, after Santina went to bed I called Aiden to tell him he needed to come over to talk, and that it was very important. When he got to my house, I asked him in what world it's okay to tell my 6 year old that her dad didn't love her and why he would tell her to call him daddy when she already has a very good one. He didn't skip a beat saying that Santina needed parents who were together. That he loved her and I both (first time he's ever said this), and he's spent enough time and money with her that he should be allowed to help parent her. Therefore, if he was going to parent her, he wanted to be called daddy and wanted Dean to only see Santina on the weekends. I was absolutely floored. I asked why he didn't speak to me about all this first before he decided to go ahead and do this. He said that she was young enough to teach her to call him daddy, and wanted to "surprise" me by her having her call him daddy, without me knowing he coached her. Basically as if she had just called him that all on her own. I angrily shut all that down immediately, saying that he was just my boyfriend, he has no place expecting to be my daughter's father, he's way out of line, and I needed some space from him. I asked him to leave. He started yelling, saying that I was being absolutely unreasonable. That any woman would be happy to know that their boyfriend wanted to love and be a dad to her child. That I'm being an asshole depriving my daughter from having a relationship with him. That he would be a way better father than Dean. When he said that, I absolutely snapped. I told him there is no better father for my daughter than Dean. He is a great man, and a great father. And that if he ever talks about Dean like that again, then we are through. He then accused me of still being in love with Dean. I told him to get out or I would call the police to have him escorted off my property. I am just totally flabbergasted and am trying to figure how I could've missed Aiden being absolutely insane, because only insane people think this way. And I felt pretty confident that I was in the right, until today when I received multiple messages and phone calls from his friends and family. One called me a moron for not accepting Aiden as Santina's father, since her real father was a deadbeat by not paying child support (I never wanted any). Another said that I shouldn't have defended Dean so much because it makes look bad. His mother texted me and said that children should have parents who are together and that I should apologize to Aiden. His dad said that I was lucky that Aiden even wanted to be with someone who had a child and to be grateful that he wants to be Santina's father. I sent Aiden a text to call off his family and friends and that I want to take a break from him for awhile. Now he's blowing my phone up telling me to think about what's best for Santina, and that he loves us both and would die if he lost us. Who is this man I've been dating? Did I jump into a parallel universe or something? Am I crazy for having reacted this way? Why is he so obsessed with my daughter calling him daddy? I've already called Dean and asked if we could stay with him for a few days because I didn't feel safe here and he agreed. We're leaving to go in the morning. What do I do here? I do really care for Aiden. Even my mom said that I blew this whole thing out of proportion and that I shouldn't break up with him for a little mistake. Do I sound crazy? I need some advice on what to do moving forward. Thank you in advance. TLDR: boyfriend wants my daughter to call him daddy, but went behind me back to do so. Now he's mad at me and I'm not sure if we should continue the relationship. (Posted in r/advice originally, but someone messaged me and said to post here) Edit: Once we get to Dean's house, I am going to permanently break it off with Aiden. I really just wanted someone to say that I wasn't crazy for feeling this way, because some of my friends and family were saying that I overreacted and I "should be grateful that a man wants to be in Santina's life". It made me second guess myself. I should've broken it off the second Dean told me what was up. Aiden exhibited creepy and inexcusable behavior. He will never see me or my child ever again. Thank you for all the comments, even the harsh ones. Sometimes you need people to tell you the hard truth. He doesn't have keys to my place, nor is he on any pickup list for school or her extracurriculars. But even so, I'm going to reiterate to everyone he is not allowed anywhere near her and Dean is going to help me change the locks just in case. I am also going to reevaluate which friends and family I allow around us, as some clearly don't have my best interests at heart. I am also going to put Santina in therapy just to make sure there is no lasting damage. There are no words that explain the guilt I feel. [Last edit/update was to r/Advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/13wsdyb/my_boyfriend_wants_my_daughter_to_call_him_daddy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 31, 2023** **POST WAS SIMILAR AND HAD NEARLY SAME INFO AS THE OTHER POST, ONLY THE FINAL EDIT 2 WAS ADDED HERE** Edit 2: we went to Dean's place first thing when Santina woke up. She was happy to go see her dad again so soon. When we got there, Dean and his mom were both waiting for us with breakfast. After we ate together, his mom kept an eye on Santina while Dean and I went shopping for new locks and some security cameras. I sent Aiden a message on our way to the store and permanently ended things while the threat of law enforcement if he contacts me or tries to contact my daughter. I then blocked him on everything. We're now on our way to set this stuff up at my house, but we're still gonna stay at Dean's for a few days just to be safe. Thank you to everyone who commented and helped reassure me that I was not losing my mind. ##OOP ADDED A NEW UPDATE AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/PoisonedGem/comments/143zemc/update_on_my_now_ex_wanting_my_daughter_to_call/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Its been a week since I broke up with Aiden for his creepy and inexcusable actions with my daughter. Santina and I have been at Dean's since then. I have received nonstop harassment since I broke up with Aiden. Him, his family, and his friends have been blowing my phone up threatening me and everytime I block someone they contact me with a new number. Apparently he saw the post and went absolutely berserk. When I went to my home to get some clothes for myself (Dean has plenty of clothes for Santina already) there was an EIGHT PAGE letter, front and back, taped to my door. It basically said how upset he was for airing this out online, that HE feels betrayed, and then he ranted about how Dean was trying to keep us apart. At the end of the letter it said I would be sorry if I didn't contact him. Dean has since asked me to stay with him until further notice, which I have no issue with. But I honestly think I'm being stalked. Sometimes I see a car similar to Aiden's car, but I can't tell who's in it. I'm not sure if it's just paranoia, but I feel like someone is always watching me. It doesn't help that Aiden's mom was caught trying to sneak into my work to "talk some sense" into me. I went to police to report the harassment, but was told that there's nothing they can do. I've pulled Santina from daycare for the time being and Dean's mom has been watching her because I am so paranoid, and I feel awful about it because she keeps begging to see her friends. I don't want to scare her by saying she might be in danger. I broke down to Dean last night about how terrified I was and suggested that he take Santina to his father's home in another state just so she can be safe. He calmed me down and told me that it was a great plan but that he was worried to leave me by myself. He's going to talk to his dad about all three of us going, but if not (I never really got along with his dad), I am going to insist that he go. I already put my daughter in enough danger by even dating that psycho, and I refuse to put her in anymore danger. I sent pictures of the letter to my mom with the message "still think it's just a small mistake"? And she hasn't answered me yet. She's a prideful woman, so I doubt she'll ever admit that she was wrong. I'm so exhausted from all of this, and Ifeel like I'm completely losing my mind. Dean has been a fucking champ though. He's taken a leave of absence from work due to a family emergency. Hes been taking me to work and any other place that I need to go. But his girlfriend is not happy with the current arrangement. I try to be as kind as I can and she understands the situation but she is not shy about letting me know she doesn't want me there. When she found out that Dean wanted to take both me and Santina to his dad's she just about had a heart attack. she hasn't spoken to him all day, and won't answer his calls. I feel so guilty about this whole thing. I put my daughter in danger by dating Aiden, and now I've put Dean at odds with his girlfriend because I was stupid enough to date a psychopath. So that's where I'm at. If anyone has any advice about how to let Dean's girlfriend know that I mean no harm, and that I'm not trying to steal him away from her, please share. I just want to make things easier on Dean since he's done so much for me. I'm sorry if this seems like a ramble, because it definitely is. Thanks again everyone for commenting on my previous post. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ON CONCERNS FOR HER DAUGHTER** >Thank you for saying that, I really appreciate it. I've been trying to rationalize everything that's happened but I just can't find a good reason why he's done this, or why everyone seems to be on his side. Everyone is concerned about how I made Aiden feel, but no one is concerned about how he made my daughter feel which is infuriating. Who does this stuff? . >I plan to have a serious talk with my daughter to make sure he hasn't crossed any other boundaries. Now that you said it, I feel like you're right. His interest is extremely unhealthy. He'll never be around us again.. **ON HER EX AIDEN AND WHAT FAMILY THINK ABOUT IT** >Thank you for saying that. My mom thinks that staying with Dean isn't a good idea because Aiden is bound to find out and he'll get even angrier. She thinks I could've handled this better, and was even surprised that I wasn't okay with him wanting to be called daddy. To me 8 months is not enough time for him to think he can be involved in my daughter's life that way, but everyone else is acting like I'm out of my mind. >Thank you. I thought it was a no brainier too. But everyone surrounding me seems to think that it's a sweet gesture that he took just a little bit too far, and that I'm overreacting. Dean is the only one on my side. . >He didn't meet her until we were dating for 6 months and he seemed so normal. Other than this, he's never said or done anything that would make me believe he could act this way. Dean even met him and liked him well enough. But you're absolutely right, I'm questioning my own judgement for not just breaking it off immediately. **ON THE ACCOUNTS HISTORY** >I apologize that it seems confusing. My younger sister had used my phone to post something back then, I thought she posted on a throwaway but apparently did not. There was actually a few different posts she did. But I don't use reddit often so didn't even think to check my post history. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend (29m) wants my daughter (6f) to call him daddy

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/143u7d2/my_boyfriend_29m_wants_my_daughter_6f_to_call_him/

143wg8p

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/LuckyINTJ in r/sugarlifestyleforum** trigger warnings: >!death of spouse!< ---   [**Is this an appropriate gift for my sugar baby**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/qzd2tl/is_this_an_appropriate_gift_for_my_sugar_baby/) - 22 November 2021 My wife of thirty years died four years ago. She was the love of my life and I miss her every day and it has taken me a long time to get over losing her. My wife was a very elegant woman and I have a closet full of her very expensive designer clothes and accessories. One of my sugar babies is also a very elegant and fashionable woman. Would it be inappropriate for me to gift some of my late wife's clothes to my SB? SB's, how would you feel about wearing clothes that belonged to someone else?   *Editor note: Responses were varied: It's weird / Personally I would love that / Don't call it a gift / Make sure you ask your children if they want something first*   [**I let my sugar babies go through my wife's clothes closet**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/r468ul/i_let_my_sugar_babies_go_through_my_wifes_clothes/) - 28 November 2021 (six days later) Just thought I would post a follow up to my post a few days ago about letting my sugar babies go through my late wife's clothes closet. So I had a big family reunion for Thanksgiving with my son, daughter, and three grandchildren coming from California and Europe to be here with me in my hometown. First I asked my daughter if she would be interested in looking at my wife's designer clothes. She said yes and picked out about half a dozen outfits. Then I made the same offer to my daughter in law. Finally I asked each of my sugar babies if they were interested and each of them picked out about six outfits. The response from everyone was overwhelming positive. I am so glad I did it. My late wife was the love of my life and we were married for over 30 years before she passed away four years ago. My wife was very stylish and I find that I enjoy seeing her signature clothes being worn by people I care about. It is almost like she is living on through them. The entire experience was therapeutic and I feel like I have closed a chapter of my life by letting go of the past. Thanks again for the good advice everyone gave me.   *OOP comment: I have three sb's. Two of them spent Thanksgiving with me and my family. We had a great time. One of my sb's is an elementary school teacher and she planned activities for my grandchildren.*   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Is this an appropriate gift for my sugar baby?

CONCLUDED

dialemformurder

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/143wg8p/is_this_an_appropriate_gift_for_my_sugar_baby/

143xq8j

I am not the original poster, this is a repost sub. I will only be posting the reader's question, you can view Allison's response at the link :) Trigger warning: >!being a dick to someone with cancer!< Mood spoiler: >!positive, slightly shocking!< [**Original post**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/i-had-to-fire-someone-and-i-feel-like-a-failure.html) \[March 8, 2021\] >I’m in a position that I’ve never been in before. In 2018, I took on a really exciting role with a new company building a team from the ground up. I hired a handful of people, and got to work setting up the new team and really helping to grow a new business. This was a first for me, it was a challenge, and I loved it! > >At the beginning of 2019, I hired Bob. Bob had more than 15 years of experience in the industry. His last position read almost word for word what I was looking for. He knocked the interview out of the park! He had a great personality, talked about how much he loved digging into things, and generally sold himself in a beautiful manner. Everyone who interviewed him was so excited. > >Bob started at 9:00 on a Monday and completely disappeared at 3:45 that afternoon. I was in a meeting, and when I got out of the meeting everyone was looking for him. When he returned to work on Tuesday, I reiterated that because we are support staff, we are expected to be on shift from 9 am to 5 pm Monday through Friday. Because we support people globally, I’ll actually work longer hours to support our overseas partners, and I pick up the weekend shifts because I’ve always hated managers who make their team work the weekends. Bob was unhappy that he could not leave the the office at 3:45 each day. He complained about the commute, and having to drive home in traffic. Unfortunately, we could make a no concessions and he agreed to work from 9-5. From that point on, he complained and moped around the office and people started talking to me and other staff members about how Bob constantly looked miserable. I spoke with him and I made as many concessions as I could, including letting him leave at 4:45 instead of 5. My boss also spoke with him, and during that meeting Bob said he loved the job! > >Unfortunately in mid-2019, I got very sick. By September, I was forced to work from home 100% as I was going through multiple rounds of chemotherapy. Not once did I or my team miss a deadline. However, in mid-2020 when I finished up chemotherapy and moved on to radiation and surgery, my team had a long meeting with me without Bob: Apparently, as I was working from home, Bob had taken the opportunity to go back to leaving at 3:45 pm and disappearing throughout the course of the day, and it only became worse in early 2020 as we all went work-from-home. He was not responsive to emails, texts, or instant messages, and the staff was covering a large part of his work because they didn’t want to pile more on me while I was undergoing chemo. > >In July 2020, with beating cancer on the horizon, I had a long conversation with Bob about what I had been told not only by my team but my other teams that interact with mine. Bob was defensive, he tried to gaslight me, he tried to blame his inability to work largely on the fact that I was not in the office to hold his hand (his words). This man with more than 15 years of experience in the industry had the audacity to tell me that he was an entry-level employee and that he required constant handholding, and that in no way shape or form had he ever indicated that he had experience with our work. I pulled his résumé with him, and we line by line went over what the job description was, what we had talked about in the job interview, what his training had been, and what his history was according to his résumé. > >After a few weeks of him badmouthing me, badmouthing the team, disappearing throughout the course of the day, taking random time off because his kid was sick, because his wife was out of work and she was depressed, and because he had emergencies at home, we had another conversation with him, me, my boss, and HR. We laid out the job description and his assignments, and we were very understanding about the sick kid, the depressed wife, the issues at home … let’s face it, 2020 was a dumpster fire. My own husband was out of work, my 17-year-old was doing her senior year in high school from home, it was a mess, we all acknowledge it and we made every effort to support our staff during the year from hell. > >Over the next few weeks, Bob continued his downward spiral. Everything was a fight, every assignment wasn’t in his wheelhouse, everything that we needed to be done for the group he couldn’t do. It was just an absolute mess. > >We spoke with legal, HR, individual attorneys, and at the end of the discussions we decided that we had no choice but to terminate him. However we wanted to give him one last chance to be the person we interviewed. So we put him on a six-week performance improvement plan. We outlined every piece of work that he needed to do. We outlined timelines, who he could go to for help, what he could do if he was running behind and needed assistance. > >At the end of the six weeks, we reviewed all of our weekly meetings and the every-other-day meetings we had started during the improvement plan, and he blamed us. It was HR’s fault for hiring him when he clearly couldn’t do the job, it was my fault for getting sick (because I eat meat and sugar and according to him both cause cancer!), it was my boss’s fault for taking two weeks off when his wife gave birth. He just kept piling on the excuses. > >At the end of the meeting, we ended up letting him go. > >It’s the first time I’ve ever had to let anybody go. And honestly I think I’m more upset than he was! I feel like somehow I failed. I failed in interviewing him. I failed in not catching the fact that he wasn’t working, that he wasn’t pulling his weight in the department. I just feel like such a failure. How do I move on from this? I need to replace him, and all I keep thinking is I’m going to hire badly again. > >Rationally I know that I didn’t do such a horrendous job. I hired six people for a new department, five of whom are still there. And yet that inkling in the back of my brain, I still feel like a failure. Is there an easy way to move on? [**Update**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/12/updates-the-toxic-positivity-the-boss-neighbor-and-more.html) (second response at the link) \[December 15, 2021\] >I absolutely took your advice and the advice of lots of the commenters. I was able to find a great new hire for the role and he’s fitting in with the team fantastically and has taken to the work like a fish in water. The team and I talk openly and freely about our workloads and how we’re working with or getting along with other members of our team. > >About 2-weeks after Bob’s dismissal from the company, we found out that he’d been working for all of 2020 with one of our competitors and working on their deliverables at the same time he was working on ours. > >Thank you so much for providing a sounding board for us when we need a third party perspective. In the comments of the update, someone said OOP should confer with legal cousel about Bob working for their competitor. This was OOP's [response](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/12/updates-the-toxic-positivity-the-boss-neighbor-and-more.html#comment-3682004), though they haven't elaborated further since: >Oh we did! What we do is proprietary and we have access to all financial and customer data so this ended up with legal as soon as we found out about it.

I had to fire someone and I feel like a failure [AskAManager]

EXTERNAL

catbert359

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/143xq8j/i_had_to_fire_someone_and_i_feel_like_a_failure/

143ymoy

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/AdoptionThrowaway8. He posted in r/confessions. This is a ***very short post*** but it made me get teary. I replaced letters with names. **Just a note**\- I had posted a different BORU right before this one and didn't realize it had already been posted! Here's the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13x8a0n/teacher_gets_urinated_on_on_last_day_of_school_by/) to the older post. I had a few questions about that so wanted to clear it up. Sorry! **Trigger Warnings:** >!mention of drug abuse & child abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!short and wholesome af!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/13a3yms/should_i_ask_my_math_teacher_to_adopt_me/)**: May 6, 2023** This might be kind of a confusing story and I debated posting this but decided 'why not'. So I (m15) and my math teacher who I will call Vickie is (f35) and her husband is John (m40). My real parents are, or were, abusive alcoholics and drug addicts. They got arrested last year and was going to enter the foster system, now I had already told Vickie about my struggles with my parents and I confided in her about me going into foster care so I guess she jumped in and her and her husband somehow became my foster parents. I absoloutely love living with them and I feel like I have a true family for the first time in what feels like forever. I really want to ask them to adopt me but am unsure of it, for one thing I am incredibly nervous and very unconfrontational, and second I know the foster system gives people money to take care of the child so maybe they would be better off just staying foster parents. Also they already make quite a bit as my foster dad is a doctor. I just don't know what to do, could anyone please give me advice? **Most of the commenters tell OOP to go for it, and at the very least tell them how much he loves living with them.** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/13v22iw/update_should_i_ask_my_math_teacher_to_adopt_me/)**: May 29, 2023 (23 days later)** THEY SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally get to have my happy ending! It was a very emotional moment. But honestly Im so happy I get to have a real mom and dad. Thank you everyone who responded, it meant a lot!

Should I ask my math teacher to adopt me?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/143ymoy/should_i_ask_my_math_teacher_to_adopt_me/

143znuq

Originally posted by u/yeokyungmi in r/tattoos & r/tattooadvice on May 14, '23 updated on May 18, '23, May 19, '23, and May 28, '23. Note: I'm marking this NSFW to blur the photo but it's really not too gross looking. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Infected tattoo!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tattoos/comments/13hfi31/is_this_blowout_or_healing_normally_my_first_big/)** R/Tattoos May 14, '23 &nbsp; Is this blowout or healing normally? My first big tattoo. *OOP posts a [photo](https://preview.redd.it/n14q2ddmzuza1.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=610fa52c923b66ad7ee3bd18baddb9940f1756ce) asking for help but the mods removed it so there was no help offered. The tattoo is an eagle and there is text under it that says, "You never walk alone". The lines look just a bit "off".* &nbsp; **[1st Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tattooadvice/comments/13lelir/im_very_worried_about_this_please_tell_me_what/)** May 18, '23 4 days later in r/TattooAdvice &nbsp; I’m very worried about this. Please tell me what can I do? 😭 *OOP posts another [photo](https://i.redd.it/70ivuycmvp0b1.jpg). The lines on the eagle have white patches, some scabbing/tiny bit of scabbed blood and there is some bruising.* *Note: This one looks a lil grosser* &nbsp; *Comments all tell OOP to get to the ER, SOON* &nbsp; **[2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tattooadvice/comments/13m42tv/hi_this_is_yeo_kyung_mi_who_posted_yesterday/)** May 19, '23 R/TattooAdvice 5 days after the initial post &nbsp; Hi. This is Yeo Kyung Mi who posted yesterday about the infected tattoo. Thank you guys so much for your concern. I am okay. I went to the ER and they gave me antibiotics. Don’t worry, your comments lit a fire under me. This is my second tattoo and this one is slightly bigger than my first which was just some text. While I was getting it, I thought it hurt quite a lot but I thought that was normal. I went alone to my appointment. I started panicking when I saw the tattoo lines becoming thick with scab and then falling off. I didn’t have anyone to talk to so I messaged here. I messaged another local tattoo artist who echoed your sentiments. I was very inexperienced and it’s possible I didn’t receive the aftercare I should have gotten. The tattoo shop I went to is a long established one and the artist has been doing tattoos for many years. I have no idea how this could have happened. He said he used a smaller needle to get better lines. I’m sorry for worrying everyone. Thank you very much for your advice. I got myself straight to the ER. I’m alright. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Did the ER have any idea what might’ve caused it? And I’d be curious to know what treatments they recommended. That looks gnarly af 😬 very glad you got it taken care of in time! OOP: Er…you don’t want to hear my experience at the hospital. It’ll definitely make you mad. To summarise, they thought it was okay and then chastised me for getting a tattoo in the first place as “God didn’t make us with any markings.” After the lecture I just got my prescription and left. *Someone make a comment about the artwork being bad*: OP: I dunno about the bird above but the writing is handwritten. I got my brother to write that phrase out and got it tatted on to celebrate our bond as siblings. &nbsp; **[3rd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tattooadvice/comments/13u63nf/hi_this_is_yeo_kyung_mi_sharing_an_update_this_is/)** May 28, '23 R/TattooAdvice 2 weeks after the initial post &nbsp; I am very disappointed especially since I’m going to a public event soon and my outfits don’t cover this eyesore 😔 *OOP shares a new update [photo](https://i.redd.it/tvpnd7nafn2b1.jpg). The scabs are healing but the lines of the eagle still have tons of the white patching.* &nbsp; >What is the tattoo actually supposed to be? OOP: An eagle. >Liverpool fan? OOP: My brother is a huge fan of Liverpool so he chose this phrase. Since this is also a title of a BTS album it was special to me too. We shared a special attachment to the phrase in addition to the fact that we are always there for each other. >It’s “you’ll” never walk alone. OOP: Modified it intentionally. >What was the cause? Was it poor sanitization at the tattoo place? OOP: The guy overworked it with a small needle and went too deep. Strips of skin fell away where the lighter spots are. &nbsp; **Let this be your reminder to take care of your tattoos and get to the doctor at the first sign of something being wrong. I'm flairing this concluded as OOP has gotten treatment and the tattoo is healing.** *Edit: Saw a question in the comments about how this happens, how is it fixed, etc. Here's a link about an [overworked tattoo](https://tattify.com/overworked-tattoo/).* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

Is my tattoo healing normally?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/143znuq/is_my_tattoo_healing_normally/

1442971

I am NOT OP. Original post from /r/AmItheAsshole by u/Simple-Part-187 Trigger Warnings ->!Emotional infidelity?!< Mood Spoiler ->!OP and daughter seem happy!< **[Original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ad4ht/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_im_disappointed/) May 6, 2023** Hello all. It’s been rough with my only daughter as of late. My husband and I (both of us are 55) have one daughter (30F). We have been married coming up on 32 years soon. My daughter was in a long relationship and married for approximately 9 years, and for a long time I thought that is was a good relationship, when out of nowhere around 3 years ago, she decided to divorce her ex-husband. We were told it was a mutual decision, but that ultimately, he wasn’t the greatest partner, and there were many things that she was not satisfied with in their relationship. So she wanted to leave. We supported her decision. About a year after the divorce, she introduced us to her new boyfriend. And while my husband and I thought it may be a bit early to date, we decided to continue to support her and meet him. He was, and is a very charming man who treats our daughter wonderfully, and you can tell she is extremely happy. Now to the argument. Recently, we were talking with one of our daughters friends who was visiting our town, and were discussing our daughters job and her wonderful boyfriend. Her friend in the conversation made a comment about how they were lucky to be in the same orientation together when they started work. As soon as she saw our confused faces, she gave us the full story, as she realized we hadn’t been given it. Our daughter had told us while her and her boyfriend worked for the same employer, they didn’t meet until after the divorce. We pressed the friend for more information, and she begrudgingly told us that our daughter and her boyfriend had met during orientation at work while our daughter was going through her marital issues. This led to them becoming closer and her filing for divorce from her ex husband about a year later. So later that day, I asked to have a conversation with my daughter and brought up what her friend had told us. She turned white as snow, and basically confirmed her friends story. But reiterated that there was no physical cheating. I told her that physical cheating was not the only way that you could hurt someone. And that it appeared that she had emotionally cheated on her ex husband. He may not have been the greatest person, but it didn’t excuse her actions. I told her that I was disappointed in her, and while I supported her leaving a bad marriage, that I couldn’t look at her and her boyfriend the same in this new light in regards to cheating. I still love her and will treat her boyfriend with respect, but it is definitely something I have a hard time looking past. She got angry with me for not continuing to support her in her journey beyond divorce. AITA? **Result : Overwhelming voted YTA** **[Update](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13fvn4o/update_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_im/) May 12, 2023** My daughter has approved me giving an update. Answering some common questions from all of you: 1. Yes my daughter got married at 18. Her ex husband was also 18 at the time. Me and her father did not think that getting married that young was a good idea, but supported her as she was an adult. 2. I did not have a good understanding of what the marital problems my daughter was experiencing, but she confirmed that there was no abuse from her ex husband. 3. She has always been a very private person, but that has never been an issue as she has always been honest with us. Onto the update. I received many messages and comments from you all, and I do appreciate the advice and wisdom all of you gave. I think the thing I struggled with the most was being lied to. I felt hurt that my daughter didn’t want to tell me the truth. But I realized that this discussion wasn’t about me. So I asked my husband for advice, and he recommended my daughter and I sit down together and talk it out. My daughter agreed to talk to me, with the condition that my husband mediate. My daughter started the conversation with that she didn’t tell us about the true story about her boyfriend for two main reasons: 1. She was worried about being judged by me. And I confirmed her theory. Hearing this made my heart so sad. To see that my own daughter was worried about my judgment. 2. My daughter admitted that she was ashamed for how things down with her divorce. She and her ex were going through some rough times, her work schedule being crazy, and her husband being depressed contributed. She met her then boyfriend during this time and confided in him about this. Before she knew it, she was texting him every day, and even going to his house to hang with him and her friends. She realized at that time she was wrong. So she filed for divorce, and they started officially dating the day after her divorce was final. She again said she didn’t physically cheat, but admitted she was not proud of how her marriage ended. The conversation then went to my side. I reiterated that I supported her and her boyfriend. He is a kind and nice man, and he treats her well. And that I loved her unconditionally. I apologized for how I acted, and asked if she could forgive me. She accepted my apology, and did tell me that while my words hurt, I am still a good mother, and that my love that I’ve given her and her boyfriend has been consistent, and that my actions spoke to that. We agreed to go to some family therapy together in the future, to continue to work out these feelings. We cried, hugged, and I think things will be ok. People can screw up, including myself as my last post shows. But ultimately, good people will always be welcome in my home, and I never plan on changing that. **Comments here point out OP might have been right to be disappointed originally, but no further response from OP**

Mom is upset that her daughter left her husband for another man, but Reddit convinces her she was wrong and to apologize.

CONCLUDED

wormhole222

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1442971/mom_is_upset_that_her_daughter_left_her_husband/

144c3p8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Pastel-Mia **Looking for a website announcing my birth from my recently deceased dad** **Originally posted to** r/RBI [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ym2vrg/looking_for_a_website_announcing_my_birth_from_my/) **Nov 4, 2022** Hello, I’m sorry that this may be a bit out there but I was told to post here after getting removed from lost media. My dad had sadly passed away this year. There wasn’t many items that my dad personally got me being old and rough when he had us, but there was a story I remembered that my dad made a basic website/code on April 14, 1999 announcing me into the world. I think it would have said if I remember right “Hello World…. Madeline [Middle Name?] [Last Name] [maybe a file format?] is released.” I know this is super vague and seems pretty small and unimportant, but it would mean a lot to me to find it as it is the only thing I can ever think of him making for me. Please let me know if there is any leads for me to go to. I would bet however it is permanently removed from the internet as this posting would be nearly 23 now. I will talk to my mom later today to see if she remembers anything more about this website. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** spookyskost >If I remember right they offered URLs and actually hosting the site on their servers for a monthly fee. Another thing is maybe the wayback machine might have archived something if you try putting your name in there. See if your dad just set the URL to your full name or the family surname. Wish I could help you out more my man but I was one years old when you were born and I'm just going off those commercials that'd play all the time on TV in the early Web 2.0 days. OOP replied >You’re suggestions are a lot of help even if I don’t find anything. Thank you so much for your leads, have an amazing weekend . Electronic_Growth_92 >Good advice & good luck on your search! OOP replied >Thank you :) I feel super blessed by the dms, support, and advice I’ve been given . olliegw >If he continued to pay for the hosting and the company is still around then it might be still up, if he was a well organized person you may find login details for his host in his files, that's all i can really suggest if you don't know the domain. >If it was on geocities or something else like it though it's probably gone now unless archived OOP replied >Yeah we have searched his email, but sadly we found out he was too into internet privacy and deleted all emails and internet history that was older at the week at least. I have gone through the internet archives and any way I could search through Google, so it is most likely gone. Thank you for the suggestion :) [Update - 7 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13y0402/update_looking_for_a_website_announcing_my_birth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 1, 2023** Hello all, I am updating months later, but I found it! The majority of my dad’s announcement was hidden way back in my mom’s email. I called up my younger sister the other day over some exciting news and our discussions starting wandering, she then remembered as a teen my dad had discovered the remanents of his announcement and sent it to my mom. My mom, the hoarder she is (love you), still had it in the depths of her inbox. I can’t express how lucky I am, I will frame this text for years to come, spelling errors and all :) Please see the announcement below as he once had yelled to the world. Please ignore my formatting issues. — — — — — — Well it finally arrived, after being on back order for the last 9 months. It is a little smaller than expected, with length to 17 inches, with a width and height of (approx) 5 inches, and topping the scales at 6 lbs, that sure makes it portable. Even delivery person noted that the compact size made it very easy to carry. — — Current Configuration: — — BilateralSymmetrical Design Two Audio Pickups One Audio Output (checking packaging for missing parts) Two Video Cameras, configured in a binocular design Primitiverobot attachments MainMemory is expandable to at least 16 times current capacity Off-lineStorage expands to hold many year's worth of backups PowerSource fully rechargeable OS fully customizable, and currently free Auto-LearnWizard — — Knonw Problems: — — Currentlythe OS crashes after ˝ hour of use, and can not be restarted for at least 2 hours. Just prior to a full restart, a loud whine is audible from the single output and goes away with a recharge. Currentlythere is no way to reload the OS or prior save, let along install a different one. Off-linestorage starts to fade immediately after save and have a maximum shelf life of 25 years. The reason I got this unit, is my wife. She been wanting to get her hands back on to real development, especially "a self learning" system. If you want to log in any test the new machine, please enter www.<censored>.com -jackb **RELEVANT COMMENTS** dudemcsexy >Even though it's many months, I'm sorry for your loss. Your Dad certainly had a great sense of humor, and I'd be willing to bet he's a great guy. I'm so glad you found this and very touched you shared it. Thanks for the smile! [Message from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144c3p8/looking_for_a_website_announcing_my_birth_from_my/jnkimtn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Thank you for posting my story, I am happy my father’s memories has been able to be shared with so many people. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Looking for a website announcing my birth from my recently deceased dad

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144c3p8/looking_for_a_website_announcing_my_birth_from_my/

144d3md

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Benjaman1 **in** r/IAmA trigger warnings: >!mention of assault!<   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/13rs46/i_am_benjaman_kyle_an_amnesiac_who_woke_up_with/)\- 26th November 2012 I woke up beaten with no memories outside of a burger king in 2004. Any identification was stolen as well. The Amnesia was presumed to have been caused by an injury that knocked me unconscious. The United States government still doesn't have a clue as to who I was. My internet connection is spotty, so I'll be on as long as I can. [Here is proof](http://imgur.com/OCqRk), and [here is more - a copy of the only ID card I have with the address covered.](http://imgur.com/YjiBv) There's a short documentary that explains my predicament on findingbenjaman.com, or [vimeo link](https://vimeo.com/34589969) After the documentary, I got a special state ID, and a job in a kitchen, where i still am to this day. Please sign the [petition](http://wh.gov/I5Rn) to get me a new social security number. I have to go, but I will try to get back when I have a good connection and the time. UPDATE: To the websleuths page claiming that this is fake, [read - Guardian UK article](http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/10/man-with-no-memory-america). UPDATE 11/26: If you are serious about arranging travel, [please email here](mailto:findingbenjaman@gmail.com), [and here](mailto:jtw439@gmail.com) Also, Please be aware that I do want to fix this but I also have a full time job in which people depend on me. I cannot take the time to go find a WI-Fi and respond to everything that is posted.   [**ANOTHER AMA BY OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/154h48/i_am_benjaman_kyle_an_unidentified_amnesiac_with/)\- 20th December 2012 *BORU OP Note - Contents of the post are more or less the same. I have only included the additional information here.* The US Government Doesn't know who I am, and without a social security number, I can't get a job, find a place to live, or functionally exist in the eyes of the government. My story and petition has received national attention, but Reddit has been the only source that has made a significant dent in the petition, which is the only real shot I've got at a normal life. Reddit, you're the best hope I have, please please [sign it.](http://wh.gov/I5Rn) I woke up beaten with no memories outside of a burger king in 2004. Any identification I had was stolen as well. The Amnesia was presumed to have been caused by an injury that knocked me unconscious. The United States government still doesn't have a clue as to who I am. Even after eight years, they still don't know, and I have not been given a number, nor been able to live a normal life. **Update from previous AMA** \- As to the Waffle House leads from the last AMA, we're in touch with someone who works at the corporate level at WH, and they're helping us look at employee records. The two Reddit users who posted about having thought they saw me still have not responded to our messages and emails. Thank you for all the missing people links, but unfortunately, none of them are me. We've looked into all of them. **Additional Info from Comments -** >The Burger King was on the interstate. We think that I was just passing through > >No drugs in my system. Blood work came back as "surprisingly normal". > >I remeber the ER staff making jokes about what to call me. If it had been a McD's they probably would have called me Ronald. > >No dental database and not in the criminal. > >I am in the 23andMe plus Family Tree DNA and I am soon to be entered into AncestryDNA. > >IRS told me that if I would claim to be an illegal alien they could give me a Taxpayer Identification Number. > >I have thought about just making one up *\[SSN\]*, but with the FBI involved I would be soon found out. It IS against the law.   [**UPDATE - Summary from news/wikipedia**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjaman_Kyle) On August 31, 2004, at 5:00 a.m., a Burger King employee in Richmond Hill, Georgia, found Kyle unconscious, naked, and sunburned behind a dumpster of the restaurant. He had three depressions in his skull that appeared to have been caused by blunt force trauma and he also had red ant bites on his body. He had no identity document and was recorded in hospital records as "Burger King Doe". After the incident, no criminal investigation was opened by Richmond Hill police until a friend inquired with the department in 2007. There were no reports of stolen vehicles in the area and local restaurants and hotels did not encounter any individuals matching Kyle's description. He eventually said that he remembered his name was Benjaman, spelled with two 'a's, but said he could not recall his last name. He came up with the surname "Kyle" from his police and hospital placeholder name. Benjaman Kyle. BK. Burger King. He had cataracts in both eyes, and had corrective surgery nine months after he was found, when a charity raised enough money to pay for the operation. Upon seeing himself in the mirror for the first time, Kyle realized he was around 20 years older than he thought he was. Kyle believed he was passing through Richmond Hill, either on U.S. Route 17 or Interstate 95 in late August 2004. He may also have been on the road because of Hurricane Charley, which had hit earlier that month. After being released from the hospital, Kyle spent several years between shelters and hospitals. In 2007, he met a nurse who first inquired about his past. The nurse helped support Kyle financially while he earned about $100 a month mostly doing yard work. While driving his truck in a yard, Kyle discovered that he still remembered how to drive a car. He was diagnosed with dissociative amnesia in 2007, that dates from August 31, 2004. For many years after his amnesia Kyle was homeless and had been unable to obtain employment as he was unable to remember his full Social Security number. Several online petitions were created asking lawmakers to grant Kyle a new Social Security number. In 2012, an online petition failed as its deadline expired on December 25, it had received only two-thirds of the number of signatures required to receive an official response. Kyle remembered that he was born 10 years before Michael Jackson and on the same day, giving him a possible birth date of August 29, 1948. Genetic testing suggested that he may have had the surname Powell or Davidson or have relatives with these names. Kyle appeared on the Dr. Phil show on the October 16, 2008, episode "Who am I". Dr. Phil McGraw paid for Kyle to seek a professional hypnotist in an effort to help him recover lost memories. Through hypnosis, he recalled a partial Social Security number 3X5-44-XXXX and few blurred, fragmented memories of Denver and Indianapolis. Kyle had nearly no memory of his life after the 1980s, including how he ended up in Georgia. One event he does remember is reading about the September 11 attacks. When asked by doctors to recall the Presidents of the United States, he was able to recall only those from the 20th century. Many of his memories he cannot describe in words and are at the tip of his tongue. In February 2015, a forensic genealogist reported that Kyle had cut off all contact with her just as she felt she was nearing a breakthrough. A DNA test revealed that Kyle shared significant amount of DNA with members of a family named Powell in the western Carolinas – descendants of a 19th-century man named Abraham Lovely Powell. On September 16, 2015, Kyle announced that his real identity had been found, including identifying his name and close family members. In November 21, 2016, Kyle's true identity was revealed to be William Burgess Powell. He was born on August 29, 1948, in Lafayette, Indiana, and was raised there. In 1976, he had cut ties with his family and abandoned his possessions, including his car and the trailer where he had been living. His family filed a missing persons report at the time, and police found he had moved to Boulder, Colorado, where he had moved on a whim with a coworker. His birth date turned out to be one of the details about his previous life he had been able to remember correctly. A reporter was able to find some Social Security records of him working in various jobs until 1983, after which no records could be found for the remaining period of more than 20 years before his discovery in 2004. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP is an unidentified amnesiac with no memories, and the country's only "invisible person" without a SSN.

CONCLUDED

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d3md/oop_is_an_unidentified_amnesiac_with_no_memories/

144d5l4

Greetings, members of r/BestofRedditorUpdates! By now you have probably heard a lot about [The Open Letter about API Pricing](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/). Some of your [favorite subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/1401qw5/incomplete_and_growing_list_of_participating/) may have signed up to protest. When we cross-posted the letter, plenty of people were confused about what API even is, how this pricing would impact them, and why it was worth talking about. Since then, there have been a number of posts about this very subject, all explaining better than we could. Subreddits like r/explainlikeimfive have highlighted in an easy way to understand [what API is](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/10rnu6s/eli5_how_does_an_api_work/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=explainlikeimfive&utm_content=t3_142kct8) and [why this is change is a problem](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/142kct8/eli5_why_are_subreddits_going_dark/). r/AskHistorians [have explained in detail why so many Mods are upset](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/142w159/askhistorians_and_uncertainty_surrounding_the/) and, frankly, disillusioned, in the wake of the Admin announcement. ## To a lot of people, the API changes are not a big deal. If you use the Official Apps and have no issue navigating it, that’s great. You may not have known that third party apps existed, or why people prefer them. If you’re wondering why people can’t just use the official app, we can acknowledge that for many users it is simply a personal preference. They’re used to it (some of us have been using them for years before there was ever an Official App) or they might simply prefer it because of the designs and features. If you’re interested in a visual representation of why so many prefer third party apps, [please check this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BikiniBottomTwitter/comments/13xk3lu/they_have_to_pay_reddit_20_million_per_year_to/jmj3nfg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) r/bestof comment out for a side-by-side comparison. For mods, the mod tool support of these third parties largely makes our jobs much easier, which keeps the communities we all love safer. On a third party app, we can accomplish in two clicks what would take the Official App five. This efficiency means we can address more problems in the community in a more timely manner. If you’re thinking to yourself, “If these apps are making a profit, Reddit deserves a cut!” we do agree. What we take issue with is that their API is being valued at 10-20x over what other similar services do, to the point where [almost](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/13ws4w3/had_a_call_with_reddit_to_discuss_pricing_bad/) [every](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditisfun/comments/13wxepd/rif_dev_here_reddits_api_changes_will_likely_kill/) [app](https://www.reddit.com/r/getnarwhal/comments/13xskqh/narwhal_update_about_reddit_api_pricing/) [has](https://www.reddit.com/r/RelayForReddit/comments/13wsn92/guess_this_is_also_the_death_of_relay/) [released](https://www.reddit.com/r/baconreader/comments/13wveb2/reddit_api_changes_and_baconreader/) [some](https://www.reddit.com/r/BoostForReddit/comments/13xzap9/comment/jmmuslx/) [kind](https://www.reddit.com/r/slideforreddit/comments/141rpcf/slide_will_be_dead_in_the_water_in_less_than_four/) of statement that indicates **these changes will kill their apps**. I could link to more statements like that, but you get the idea. Before you ask “why can’t they just run ads to offset those costs”, Reddit has already decided this will not be an option for third party apps. One thing to be aware of as well is that *even if* a third party app manages to survive July 1st through a subscription based model alone, those apps **will not** have all the same content as the Official App. Namely, despite paying for the privilege of having a choice, NSFW content will be unavailable and invisible to those users. If you’re thinking "well, I'm fine, I only use the mobile website via my chosen mobile browser" (chrome, mozilla, etc), you should be aware that Reddit has already been testing functions which [eliminate mobile web browsing](https://www.reddit.com/r/help/comments/135tly1/helpdid_reddit_just_destroy_mobile_browser_access/jim40zg/), and there is no guarantee that your preferred method of using Reddit won’t be next. Limiting user choice, charging exorbitant and predatory fees, and refusing to communicate, are all significant problems that the BoRU team takes issue with. However, the one we find most egregious is what this change will do to members of Reddit’s blind community. ## How are blind Redditors impacted by this decision? In short, Reddit’s Official Apps leave a lot to be desired at best, and are barely functional at worst. The app on iOS has incorrectly labeled controls, doesn’t always work with swipe, and not all functions can be accessed. For blind moderators, it can be difficult to impossible to find the moderation functions necessary to moderate, and customizing layouts to better suit their needs or make the app easier to navigate is similarly difficult to impossible. Third party apps [have addressed](https://www.reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/141oqn8/api_updates_questions/jn18tbc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) many of these types of issues because Reddit won’t, giving these underserved communities a voice that Reddit seems to have no problem taking away. You might ask yourself how blind users navigated Reddit before there were apps, and the answer is that [it didn’t always used to be this way](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13zbf3n/reddit_to_the_visually_impaired_you_no_longer/jmrblhq/), but it has certainly [always had accessibility issues.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13zbf3n/reddit_to_the_visually_impaired_you_no_longer/jmrfwuv/) In fact, [discussions about accessibility](https://www.reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/141oqn8/api_updates_questions/jn198mn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) have been going on for months, if not years. Just a few months ago, Reddit received a [free consultation](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit/comments/11zso11/comment/jde89cx/) to make their mobile layout more accessible. [Reddit did not follow up](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13zbf3n/comment/jmrotsk/?context=8&depth=9) privately or publicly until the protest’s momentum [started to build](https://www.reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/141oqn8/comment/jn1375d/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). Even after numerous, far more recent interactions with the Admin, there seems to be little progress or commitment concerning these issues. This type of interaction is exactly why we the BoRU mod team feel that Reddit is not making accessibility a priority. Subreddits like r/blind are vital for the visually impaired in various stages of blindness, providing not just a source of communal support, but insights, strategies, and resources to navigate their new and changing lives. In the wake of Reddit's changes, subreddits like r/blind will be forced to go dark, leaving an already overlooked group without the invaluable support they both need and deserve. These changes will also significantly impact volunteer run support subreddits such as r/transcribersofreddit and r/descriptionplease, which serve to allow visually impaired Redditors to read text images, and receive descriptions of visual content such as videos and images. These volunteers are indispensable to the blind community, because Reddit is the only social media website with no support for alternative text. As visually impaired Redditors are forced to use an app that is not designed with accessibility in mind, these communities will shrink, wither, and may cease to exist. (See [this video](https://youtu.be/JqL-G3GFqRU?t=343) for more details on this subject). For many of us, third party apps are a choice or a preference, but they are an absolute necessity for the visually impaired. The BoRU team is of the opinion that **pricing these apps out of existence before their own app is WCAG compliant is nothing short of passive discrimination.** The mod team of BoRU, and many others, feel that July 1st is an unrealistic timeline to make all the changes necessary to make their App accessible. At this point, the only reasonable course of action is for Reddit to publish a public list of key results that they are committed to addressing, and guarantee that third party functionality will be left unchanged until they do. Here at BoRU we take steps to try and ensure our content is accessible. We ask our contributors to provide image descriptions and to transcribe text images. Sometimes transcribing those text images can take significant time, especially when those images are numerous multi-image text exchanges. Our OPs have never complained when we make that request, even though it is not an official requirement. We find it inexcusable that Reddit cannot do the bare minimum to ensure their visually impaired users have a voice and community. Frankly, disabled individuals are often expected to pay a premium for the same basic things everyone else uses and enjoys for free. Visually impaired Redditors **deserve equal access**, and even if third party apps survive, they will not receive it. Those users will not have access to all of the content and features that the rest of Reddit will. Remember, NSFW content will be *unavailable to regular users* on third party apps, and yes, disabled people like porn too! ## So what does all this mean for r/BestofRedditorUpdates? Some of our Mod team do use third party apps, both for casual browsing and for moderation. Others don’t. For us, this is not just about our personal preferences; it is about standing in opposition to ableism and making sure others have a voice. We have had many comments and modmails asking about the position of BoRU’s modteam. We wanted to discuss these matters internally ourselves first, to make sure we were on the same page before we made any sort of announcement. Now that we have: The mod team of r/BestofRedditorUpdates **is in agreement that we should join the blackout on June 12th.** We are prepared to remain blacked out for a **minimum** of 48 hours. This means that no one will be able to access any BoRU content until the blackout is over. In standing up for the voices of others, however, we don’t want to strip away the voices of our community. So now we want to hear from *you*. **If you support us in this decision, please share and upvote this post, and comment with your support.** How long will BoRU’s blackout last? Pending further developments, after 48 hours we will reassess the situation, taking into account what new statements have been released, how the protest is evolving, and what our users want. **EDIT:** After resounding support from our community, we are officially joining the blackout! Thank you all for voting, commenting, and spreading the word! **EDIT 2:** * When will BoRU come back? - We aren't sure at this time. After 48hrs we will reassess the situation and come to an agreement. We are deeply grateful for the support of our community in this -- many of you told us to black out as long as is necessary, and we cannot tell you how much this means to us. * How will I know when BoRU is coming back? - We will be transparent in /r/ModCoord to make our position known. Likewise, if we feel it necessary to temporarily open BoRU up to make another announcement to get the most visibility, or check in with how our community is feeling, we will do exactly that. Just keep an eye out for announcements from us! * I want to help! - If you want to help, spread the word! Do not pressure other subreddits to join in the blackout, but let it be known that you support the [subreddits that have](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/1401qw5/incomplete_and_growing_list_of_participating/) or those which might still be voting on whether or not they should. You can also join us in not using Reddit for the 12-14th, and check in at /r/ModCoord for the status of the protest! * Do you have a discord server? - Yep! https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy

The Protest, The Blackout, and r/BestofRedditorUpdates [NEW UPDATE]

META UPDATE

amireallyreal

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/

144dund

#I AM NOT THE OOP, OOP IS u/ThrowRAstabbedinback. #[POST: 20 July 2020: My (28f) best friend (29f) since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hunlku/my_28f_best_friend_29f_since_birth_gave_me_a_bad/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Background: Our parents have known each other since before we were born. My parents moved across the street from her parents. Her mom baked my mom and dad a cake and they’ve been friends ever since. They even got pregnant around the same time and gave birth a few months apart. Tori* and I literally grew up together and have always been close. We were inseparable as kids and have always called each other sisters. Freshman year of high school, her dad got a job opportunity and they ended up moving to Cali. We were in Ohio at the time so it was kind of hard to maintain a long distance friendship because of the time difference and everything that was going on in our lives but we still remained close, alternating visiting each other during our summer breaks. We applied and got into the same college after high school so we were finally reunited at college as we dormed together. Things were perfect. Present day: We are both married to our husbands. We live in the same town. Our husbands are best friends as well. Due to this COVID pandemic, I was laid off from my telemarketing job. It was fine at first because my husband was able to pick up a few extra shifts and maintain our household but his overtime started getting cut so now we were only living off of one income and have had to use our savings to pay a few bills. As of recently, I’ve been looking for a new job and it’s been hard because no one has been hiring. Tori and I get together once every other week for drinks. I mentioned to her that I was having a hard time job searching and she suggested that I apply at her job and that she would put in a good word for me and I’d be hired. We talked about how fun it would be to work together. Tori is in a similar field as I was. Not exactly the same but she said that I’d have no problem getting in and that they’d train me for whatever I didn’t know. Later that week, I applied and was called a few days later for a phone interview. We went over my application and she asked how I was referred to the job. I mentioned Tori and she genuinely sounded excited and bragged about what a great employee Tori is and how if she was referring me, I’d probably be a perfect fit. We finished up the phone interview and she said that she would ask Tori a few follow up questions but that the job was pretty much mine and to be expecting a call back by a certain day. I texted Tori telling her how things went and thanking her immensely. However, the day came that I was supposed to hear something back and I haven’t heard anything. At Tori and I’s get together, I asked her if her boss ever asked her about me and Tori said no and that she would let me know if she did. 2 more weeks passed and still no word. I asked Tori again and all she said was that they decided to hire someone else because they had more experience so I dropped it after that. A month later and I am finally back working and my husband and I are getting back on our feet. I suggested that we invite Tori and her husband over for dinner and my husband immediately said no. I’ve noticed that my husband and her husband haven’t been talking. I asked him about it and he brushed it off. I asked Tori about it at our get together and she brushed it off as well. However, I knew that was odd as they talked almost daily and got together weekly for beer and poker with a few other friends and that hasn’t been happening either. I decided to press the issue more with my husband and he finally broke down and said that the reason why him and Matt* weren’t speaking was because of Tori. He explained that the job Tori said she would speak up for me to get, she actually did the opposite. I asked what he meant and he explained that her boss actually DID ask Tori about me, and she said a few things to deter her from hiring me. I asked why he kept this from me for so long and he said it was better that I didn’t know because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Matt actually told him what Tori did and he told Matt to tell Tori to do the right thing. They got into an argument and that’s why they weren’t speaking. I called Tori and she admitted that my husband was telling the truth and said the reason why she didn’t vouch for me was because she didn’t want things to change between us because at work she was a completely different person, whatever that meant. So after thinking about asking me to apply, she decided to change her mind but couldn’t bring herself to tell me that. I was absolutely disgusted. She knew how much my husband and I were struggling and decided to sabotage my chance at getting a job for no real reason. I hung up and blocked her number. It’s been nearly a month and we haven’t talked yet, however my husband and her husband are back on speaking terms and my husband wants me to make up with Tori and let it go so that things can go back to how they were. However I’m not sure if they can. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back. Do I have a right to feel how I feel? Or is it time to move on and let bygones be bygones? I admit that I do miss her, but I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. Had she told me the truth from the beginning, I would’ve been okay. But she lied to my face on multiple occasions. #[UPDATE: 22 July 2020](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hvwgo7/update_my_28f_best_friend_29f_since_birth_gave_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Thank you all for your comments and advice. I’m glad to know I wasn’t overthinking the situation. I called Tori yesterday and gave her the opportunity to meet up, apologize and explain more in depth. She accepted my offer and we had lunch at a nearby restaurant today. Some of you guessed that the reason that she didn’t want me at her job was because she could’ve been hiding something. That was correct. She told me that she was indeed having an affair with a coworker. I didn’t buy it at all. It just didn’t make sense because if that was the case, why would she tell her husband that she sabotaged me rather than keep that to her self? Turns out that my husband was pressuring him for answers as well and her husband kept “reminding” her to ask her boss why I didn’t get the job. That’s when she told him what she did. She also gave him a completely different explanation of why she didn’t want me working there. She showed me months of steamy texts and sexts between her and her coworker so I knew then that she was telling the truth. I asked her why she didn’t just tell me? She said that she was scared that people at her job would ask me questions and it would come out that she’s married. The guy at her job that she’s been seeing doesn’t even know and thinks they are in an exclusive relationship. She said that if I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I’d tell my husband and since our husbands are best friends, he would tell hers. She gets together with her coworker for a few hours after work and on weekends. Apparently, she doesn’t even work weekends! Her husband thinks that she is at work all this time. She said that having me work there would ruin things as our schedules wouldn’t add up and it would get back to her husband and he would question her about why. I asked her why would she have me apply and say that she would get me in knowing she had no intentions of having me work with her??? She said that she didn’t think I’d really take her up on her offer as I’ve made comments before about her work sounding boring and that she was really hoping that if she dragged it out long enough, I’d get tired of waiting and look elsewhere. The million dollar question that I asked her was: what did you say to your boss to change her mind about offering me the job? She said she told her boss that having me work there would honestly probably just be a distraction and she wouldn’t perform her best and that I was known to be lazy and a slacker. (Definitely not true) she DID offer her sincere apology and said that she felt terrible knowing what all Jon and I were going through and she didn’t help. But I just can’t see myself forgiving her or even trusting her again after this situation. Basically the best friend that I have known all these years has turned into a complete stranger! I feel like I don’t even know her anymore. This isn’t someone I want in my life. Especially after she caused me to look foolish by badmouthing me to her boss. I told her that our friendship was over and that she’d better have a talk with her husband because no way was I holding this back from mine. A few hours later, my husband got a call from hers. Tori told him the news and they are now separating and he will file for a divorce in the upcoming weeks. Tori is, believe it or not, moving in with her coworker. I haven’t heard from her since leaving the restaurant and honestly don’t plan on talking to her ever again. Almost 30 years of friendship gone over a string of lies. As for my husband, him and I had a long talk after revealing to me that he already knew what Tori did. I explained to him that it is NEVER okay to keep things like that from me, no matter what. I understand him and Matt have a very good friendship but me and my feelings should come first in future situations like this. He agreed and will eventually gain my trust back. Edit: just to clear things up, my husband never knew about Tori’s affair. All he knew was that Tori sabotaged the job. Also a lot of you are saying the coworker deserves to know and I agree. I emailed the HR department at her job and requested a meeting with the woman I had a phone interview with. The meeting is Friday and I will tell her then, about Tori’s lie and about the affair and I will let her handle it how she wants to from there. After this, I’m completely done with her. Edit 2: a lot of you think that me talking to her boss is a bad idea. If anything, I probably won’t bring up the affair situation, but I do want to bring it to her attention that Tori lied to her. I don’t think her boss would appreciate having employees that would easily lie to their face to cover up shady stuff that they’ve been doing. I may just send her an email with that part of the recording attached and a quick explanation instead of going to meet her. And yes, I recorded our encounter. If I figure out how, I could possibly post it if anyone would be interested in hearing. I honestly don’t care if telling her boss is a fucked up thing to do. She didn’t give a fuck about me when she watched me struggle for months and prevented me from getting a job that I desperately needed AT THE TIME, so why should I give a fuck about her? She’s not my friend anymore anyway. She needs to learn that she can’t just do whatever she want with 0 consequences so stop telling me not to say anything ##Relevent Comments: 1. I’m very surprised. She has never been like this. I guess people change. Not sure how she pulled off the affair either. I’m guessing her husband knew or had thoughts but figured if he questioned it he’d be forced to face it. 2. [On Matt] He’s devastated, but is keeping his distance from us at the moment. 3. [On Co-worker knowing] I doubt it but I’m sure things will eventually come to light 4. Honestly and this may sound surprising but she has NEVER screwed me over in the past. She has always been such a great friend which is why I’m so hurt about this situation but was hesitant to just sever our friendship. And no, I don’t find that insulting. I understood his reasoning, not wanting to be the one to break up our friend ship but I still wish he would’ve said something. I was still going out for drinks with her the whole time he knew what she did. I feel embarrassed if anything. 5. [Commenter: Genuinely curious as to why you feel it’s appropriate to involve her work? That’s her personal life. Yeah she skunked your stuff up but the only reason I see you doing this is for revenge. You have a new placement. Move on with your life. Don’t blow hers up as you exit.] OOP: Well, I have her confession that she lied to prevent me from getting the job recorded. I honestly doubt anyone would want to have employees that would easily lie to them to cover up shady stuff that they’ve been doing. Although I may just send her the recording via email with a quick explanation instead of going to meet her. #The next day (23 July 2020), u/throwra_megantheliar posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hwhs7x/my_29_f_former_bestfriend_28_f_posted_a_reddit/), claiming to be Tori and disproving OOP's posts. The post was deleted but the text is pasted below: #My {29 F} former bestfriend {28 F} posted a Reddit about me in this sub to get sympathy but it’s a complete lie I actually came across this on Twitter. I gave it a read and noticed that besides the names, the story sounded similar to what happened between me and Megan. I came to reddit and read the update as well and it IS about me. I am ‘Tori’ and I just wanted to clear up a few things. 1)That night at dinner while she was complaining about not having a job and money, I never told her to apply to mine. I already knew that would’ve been a bad idea and NOT for the reasons she stated. She told me that I was just being cynical and applied anyway and put my name down as a referral. 2)Megan never listens and thinks that she is always right no matter what. My boss did ask me about her and I did nothing but tell the truth. I really didn’t think I would be as productive being around her and trying to focus on my job as well. 3)Megan really is a lazy pos, hence the reason why she was depending on my job instead of going out and finding her own. 4)As for the update she posted, what Megan didn’t mention was that my husband and I have been separated for 7 months. We were keeping it quiet but she and her husband both knew. We are living in the same house until my condo is ready which will be later this year. 5)The coworker that I’m so called having an affair with is completely updated on my situation and has been the entire time. My soon to be ex husband even knows about him but I never brought him back to our house out of respect. I can’t believe that someone I once called a best friend would stoop so low and have majority of the internet trash talking me when the situation is not what she is making it seem whatsoever. For those of you that took my side, thank you for seeing the bigger picture. Megan, if you’re reading this, I hope that gold was worth your dignity and losing not only your best friend, but your only friend. Oh and btw, don’t bother contacting my boss, I quit this morning." First gold edit: Thanks! I've finally ascended. Carry on. #OP's note: A lot of commenters felt that either the first or the second or both posts were fake but I thought this was a solidly entertaining saga for BORU readers to enjoy regardless. Happy Popcorn-ing!

My (28f) best friend (29f) since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to

REPOST

Confident-Addition76

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144dund/my_28f_best_friend_29f_since_birth_gave_me_a_bad/

144tmv5

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowawayChariHater in /r/japanlife ** trigger warnings: >!death, psychological distress!< mood spoilers: >!Positive ending for OOP!< --- &nbsp; [**Cyclist going too damned fast swerved to miss me, collided with a bollard, now severely injured. His wife is now demanding money. I should be clear?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/13iabxf/cyclist_going_too_damned_fast_swerved_to_miss_me/) - May 15th, 2023 Throwaway because this is all a bit mad and I am active on here. Long story short, I was walking in Osaka. (Not looking at my phone, paying attention to where I was going.) Out of nowhere; a salaryman on a chari, with one hand on an umbrella comes blazing down the sidewalk. Down the slope from a bridge. He swerves to avoid me and another pedestrian and comes off the bike connecting head first with a bollard. (Of course not wearing a helmet.) Now, this all conveniently happened right outside a police box, ambulance comes, police take a statement from me and the other pedestrian. Police review a camera, "自業自得" (tl: What goes around comes around.), his own fault for being a mamachari asshole. I go home. 4 days later, I had the man's wife and someone claiming to be their attorney (he looked like a sketchy nightclub doorman to be honest) at my door. No ID provided or anything. Somehow, they got my address, did the police give it out? The wife starts wailing that her husband can't speak anymore and the attorney/thug looking guy says that if I don't make this right, they will tell some shitty 週刊誌 (tl: weekly magazine) that I knocked this father of 3 off his bike and permanently disabled him. I smell a rat and tell them to leave before I call the police and slam the door. They stand around for 5 minutes then eventually wander off. I have reconfirmed with the police that I am in no way responsible for the accident and reported the intended intimidation. Now, the thing is, I saw this guys head split open and then go limp. I don't think the wife and bouncer are bullshitting about brain injuries etc. I have also spoken to a lawyer and made sure they have no legal recourse against me (they don't). My big questions are: * Why the fuck would the police give them my information? * How seriously should I take the getting published in a tabloid threat? I know they are fucky, but they won't just publish that shit will they? * If they do start some kind of hate campaign in the tabloids or online, what recourse do I have? A defamation lawsuit? (JapanLife's favorite!) Edit: English is my second language so apologies if the above reads weird. &nbsp; [**【UPDATE】The cyclist who swerved and came off his bicycle has died. Wife escalated, she has been cautioned by the police and told to leave me alone.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/13oinum/updatethe_cyclist_who_swerved_and_came_off_his/) - May 22nd, 2023 The cyclist died last week. The police called me to let me know. I was also told to let them know if I heard anything else from the wife or her "lawyers". I try to be empathetic but quite frankly, it's his own stupid fault and it is causing me stress. Very little sympathy. 1:00 AM on Friday morning, the wife (on her own this time) is banging on my front door screaming I killed her husband; terrifying my wife and daughter. I call the local police station as I was told to, reference "the dead cyclist's wife", they had a car at my door in like 4 minutes without me telling them my address, I think people got briefed. She gets taken away and has been formally cautioned. I have contacted a lawyer about restraining orders and suing for emotional distress/material damage to my property. (She fucked up the paintwork on my door and smashed the doorbell) I don't want to sue a grieving widow but my wife and FiL are insistent that we follow through to "send a message". That's the update, I am not morally or legally responsible for this guy mashing his own cranium in but I am feeling a bit morally conflicted about how to proceed, I think there is are cultural differences there that I am encountering for the first time. I have just bought and renovated this place and really don't want to have to move home. Wear a helmet and stay off the sidewalk people. A couple of queries from the last post: * She has been harassing the other pedestrian. Elderly Japanese bloke, owns a nearby cafe/bar place. She has been showing up at his place of business and doing similar stuff. It's a shame as he seems a nice guy who just wants a quiet life. He is also in touch with my lawyer about the harassment. * Some people were asking if the police report indicates a single-person accident or a collision between two people. It is specifically a single person incident, myself and the cafe owner were just recorded as uninvolved witnesses. * The police have apologised for giving our information out; they presumed the wife was "just going to get in touch to ask what happened". The police have been very good to me (I am surprised as I know from experience that cops here are generally assholes) so I don't want to ruin that but my lawyer thinks this might merit a formal complaint later on. Apologies again if my English is a little unnatural. &nbsp; [**【UPDATE】Wife of dead cyclist has apologised and is moving away. Turns out that the "lawyer" that harassed me is a well-known loan shark!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/13y085j/updatewife_of_dead_cyclist_has_apologised_and_is/) - June 1st, 2023 Got a phone call Tuesday evening from the police, they said that the woman wanted to apologise in person and asked me to come down to my local station Thursday morning. I took the morning off work (they are aware and have been very understanding) and am sat in a room with two cops and the cyclist's wife. She apologised whilst bowing super deeply and then explained that she was just mentally gone with the loss of her husband. She then offers to pay for my door and doorbell (I reject this, before anyone starts calling me a heartless asshole like in the last update) and says she understands she was completely in the wrong. She and her kids are now moving to her parent's hometown in Touhoku so I won't hear from her again. She gets up, apologises again and leaves. I am with the two cops. They thank me for being very understanding and apologise for all of the trouble. They then let me know that they worked out something. The "lawyer" that tried intimidating me the first time is a loan-shark and the deceased seemingly owed him a good chunk of change for a number of years. It seems Mr. Loan-shark was taking advantage and looking to get a good pay-day through me. My heart sinks but the police assure me that "he is a well known character and has been told to leave me well alone". I find the idea that police seem to have a rapport with this guy a bit worrying. I asked "surely pretending to be a lawyer is a crime" which the police just laughed off. They tell me not to worry and that they need to run, have a good day. Call us if anything else comes up. I go home and tell the wife who also just brushes it off, "all sorted itself out then, よかったね" (tl: Thank goodness)... Am I the only one who thinks that some underworld figure knowing my address is fishy? Why are the police so nonchalent about his involvement? I am relieved that this seems to be solved but also a bit freaked out. Again, apologies for any weird English, you have all been very kind. &nbsp; [**【CRITICAL UPDATE】The droolers over at JapanLife really are as gullible as you think. My nonsense salaryman hitting a bollard and dying story proves it.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayChariHater/comments/144zodc/critical_updatethe_droolers_over_at_japanlife/) - June 9th, 2023 I made up a story whilst deskwarming about some evil Japanese salaryman dying in a horrific cycling accident. I made sure to add in some of their favourites. Stalkers, bad cyclists with poor spacial awareness, police interactions, yakuza loan sharks. The works. Other than a few dissenters, 99% of the sub, including the usual dumb shits like Bulldog, Hoon and Kyoto Roidhead bought it hook, line and sinker. Someone else then made up some shit about getting arrested 4 times and posted an AMA. (I encouraged him a bit to be fair) You might think I am a bit of a sad troll dickhead and you would be correct, but throwaway account so fuck it. At least there is now yet more proof that Japanlife is full of gullible retard eigo senseis. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

A cyclist swerves to miss OOP, hit a bollard and gets severely injured. OOP proceeds to be harassed by the cyclists wife at their home.

CONFIRMED FAKE

RelaxRelapse

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144tmv5/a_cyclist_swerves_to_miss_oop_hit_a_bollard_and/

144uiej

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Charming_Educator612 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest TW: >!Homophobia, harassment!< Mood Spoiler: >!Frustrating, but a somewhat hopeful update!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13wih45/i_accidentally_caused_a_war_between_my_family_and/) \- May 31, 2023 **I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message.** So my brothers wedding happened two days ago. And it turned into a complete chaos which I know even though I don't were there. You might wonder why I didn't attend the wedding if its my brother's. Well its because of his wife's family. He did sent me an invitation to the wedding because he wanted me there but his fiance told him I couldn't attend because I had a boyfriend. You might be confused. But I'm a man. A bisexual man to be exact and I have a boyfriend who I wanted to bring to the wedding. She said even though she doesn't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that her extremely religious parents who already forced her to do the wedding in a church would most likely banish us from the wedding and cause trouble between our families. After she told him that my brother told me I couldn't attend and told me why. You might think I was angry. The truth is I was relieved. I hate going to big events with lots of people because of my social anxiety and I already was used to not being able to attend certain events because of my sexuality so it was nothing I haven't heard before. So at the day of the wedding I stayed at home with my boyfriend. Its worth mentioning my parents apparently didn't knew I wasn't attending the wedding. I was chillin at home cuddling with my boyfriend when I suddenly got a text message from my parents asking me where I was because they couldn't find me at the wedding party. I told them I wasn't attending the wedding and if my brother hasn't told them anything. They said no and asked me what happened. I didn't saw any reason to lie so I sent them a text message telling them exactly why. Now I have to admit I don't exactly know what happened after I sent them this message because they read it but didn't reply. And why do they care in the first place? They didn't notice I wasn't there before until the wedding was already over. They only noticed when the wedding party started. However. Apparently my parents talked to my brother about it and all of a sudden my abscence was the main topic of the wedding party. From what i heard, two fronts formed. on the one hand my parents and the rest of my family against the family of my brother's wife and apparently he as a husband now felt compelled to take her side and tried to argue in her favor. Its crazy to think that I was just sitting at home living my best life with my boyfriend while all of that shit went down on his wedding. The wedding party was ruined and my brother appeared on my door angrily screaming at me why I felt the need to ruin his wedding. I was confused and asked him what happened and he told me everything. I told him it wasn't my intention. I just told our parents what happened because they didn't know and wanted to know where I was and I thought he told them beforehand. He screamed at me that I ruined his wedding. I told him its not my fault he wasn't honest with them. I just respected their wish to not attend the wedding. I couldn't know it would go down like this because like I said I couldn't attend several events before because of my sexuality and my parents never said anything about it so I thought it would be the same thing here. But I gotta admit its kinda sweet that my parents and the rest of my family stood up for me. They haven't done it before. Thats a more than welcome change. But I still feel kinda bad because apparently I really ruined the wedding party. \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13y9qtx/update_i_accidentally_caused_a_war_between_my/) \- Jun. 2, 2023 **UPDATE: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message.** Didn't thought I'd give an update but many interesting things happened. So after my brothers visit his wife and him went to honeymoon. And the way the weddingparty went might have been even worse than I imagined. What happens now is incredible. When I said in the main post that two fronts had formed, I only meant that metaphorically, of course, but it's no longer that. While nothing much interesting happened in the first two days afterwards the terror started as soon as my brother and his wife went on their honeymoon. My mom and my dad visited me and told me how the wedding party escalated and they were so close to physical violence. I thought it was funny at first but this truly bothers me. I also wanna point that you did a great job at convincing me its not my fault but hearing my parents side still gave me a bad feeling in my stomach. However like I said the terror started shortly after they went to their honeymoon. And when I say terror I mean that my SIL's family found both my facebook and instagram account and started spamming me with hateful messages. I received insults and hateful messages from various different accounts who all had one thing in common. They all had somewhat of a christian theme and all of them had the same last name. So it wasn't hard to find out whose accounts it was. Mainly because I don't know my SIL's family at all. I only know her and I know her parents were homophobic christians. But whatever. They not only started attacking me they also found the account of my boyfriend over my account because we're linked as a couple and started to send him the same messages. the messages contained on one side typical bigot stuff like: "you're burning in hell for your sins". One even called me and my boyfriend "two devils in disguise". The other side were just blatant insults. You get the idea. I called my parents and told them what they are doing. Then I sent a text message to my brother with screenshots of the messages his wifes family sent me to which he replied that I "shouldn't disturb him with that during his honeymoon as I already destroyed his wedding party". I couldn't believe it. He was just like them. He did sent me an apology AFTER my mom told me she called him. But none of this is the main reason I'm giving you this update this early. Because I got a call this morning from an unknown number. I hesitated because I thought it was one of them. And I was right but it was none of the people who insulted me. I heard a womans voice who introduced herself as the half sister of my brothers wife. She said it didn't went unnoticed what her family was doing and she wanted to apologize for them. I told her I'm not going to tell anyone in her family about this and that I don't blame her for her families actions. She thanked me and hung up. I don't know why but I have this feeling she only did this to protect her family from being reported. My mother wrote to me earlier that she wants to report the insults and the harrassment of these people and that she demands for my brother to divorce his wife or she will disinherit him from her will because "thats not how she raised him". A little radical in my opinion but I understand where she's coming from. This entire thing escalated so much its unbelievable. Thank y'all for your support on my first post. \~\~\~ *Note: Marked as ongoing since it doesn't seem over, but OOP didn't indicate that they planned to update again so I'm not sure.* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brother's wife's family with one innocent text message.

ONGOING

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144uiej/i_accidentally_caused_a_war_between_my_family_and/

144urey

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/CandyNinja900. She posted in r/offmychest **Trigger Warning:** >!delusion; threat of kidnapping!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!disturbing !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wqsco/my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her_breast/)**: May 31, 2023** **Title:** My best friend thought that shoving her breast down my daughter's throat to calm her down was completely ok. Basically what the title says. I have a daughter of 10 months. Me (30f) and my best friend (31f) have always been super close, and she helped a lot during my pregnancy and after childbirth. So it always came naturally to me to ask her for help, till she became some kind of nanny for my daughter when needed. She's always been very eager and happy to help, since she has no children of her own (she had a miscarriage in the past and stopped trying afterwards). So we were at a mutual friend wedding yesterday, and I was holding my daughter for quite some time, since she hates strollers. My best friend came to me and offered to take her for a while, so that I could take a break and go chat with some friends. I agreed and wholeheartedly thanked her. After twenty minutes or so, I come back to where we were, and she wasn't there. So I start looking for her in the garden, and she was literally nowhere to be found. Finally after another ten minutes I manage to find her, and I see her talking to some people while holding my baby with her boob shoved down my daughter's throat. I literally tried my best to keep my composure and not to scream, so I went to her and said that we needed to talk. After reaching a quiet place, I yelled wtf was wrong with her and why was she nursing my daughter. She looked at me in disbelief, and she replied that she understood that it was the best way to calm my daughter, and that there's nothing wrong about it, adding that she could very well be her daughter. Wtf???? I was shocked, but we couldn't keep up the conversation because we needed to get back inside for the wedding cake. I told her that we would have continued the discussion later on. We never did, but we agreed to meet today in a couple of hours. Honestly, I'm so f--kin mad. Wtf?????? Why did she had to do it?? I don't even f--kin know what to tell her without raging at her. It's been nearly a day and this thought never left my mind not even for a second. How could she say that "there's was nothing wrong with it"??? I feel like she violated my daughter, and she gave literally zero f- about it. I'm trying to arrange my thoughts before talking to her. I hope I don't end up hitting her. I'm nearly bursting out. **Edit: 5 hours later** So we met and we talked. I let her talk first. She explained that my daughter was restless while she was talking to a couple of women, and they said that maybe she was hungry and it was fine for them to keep talking while she was breastfeeding, so she just...did.wtf. I went straight to the point: what she did was completely f--ked up. No excuses. She told me that she didn't agree and that she did nothing wrong. She said that she tried everything in the past and nothing worked except for her breasts, which were the only things that calmed her down, so she just did what she always had done. I literally couldn't believe it. I asked her what was wrong with her for doing such a thing behind my back and why the f-ck among all things she thought that she could dry nurse my daughter. She replied back saying that she was just doing what she thought was best for the baby and doing what my daughter wanted, adding that she didn't think she needed to inform me of such thing, since she's quite a second mother to her. I was losing it, but she continued. She added that she wasn't dry nursing her, since a while ago after using pumps and dry nursing her she started to lactate a little, saying that the supply was still low but that in a while I could leave breastfeeding to her and stop doing it and worrying about it. I was LIVID, but she didn't even realize, she was completely clueless like absorbed in her own world. Like not even realizing that what she did was wrong. So I stood up from the table, and told her that she was completely insane and that she was creeping me out. I told her that she wasn't allowed near my daughter anymore and to never contact me again, or I would report everything to the police. She started crying saying that I couldn't cut her off from our daughter's life, so I lost it and shouted at her that it's not her goddamn baby but it was ME who popped her out, it was ME who was pregnant for 9 months and she was MY daughter, and not hers, and left. I'm just completely shocked. I don't even think shocked can completely describe what I'm feeling now. I received a couple of texts from her begging to reconsider it and asking to see my daughter. I told her to stop contacting me, and blocked her. If I receive another message or call or anything like that I will report everything to the police. I'm just disgusted. She was my best friend. Why did she do something like this? I'm completely speechless. I'm editing this post again if something happens, but I just hope nothing is going to happen honestly. I just want to puke. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13xl2vj/update_my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her/) **1: June 1, 2023 (Next Day)** After trying for most of the last evening to contact me on social medias, this morning she showed up at my front door. I told her that she needed to leave, because I didn't want to call the police on her. She started crying babbling why I was treating her this way and why I was keeping her away from my daughter, since she did nothing wrong. I told her that everything she did was wrong, because she did all of this behind my back. She can't be her mother, and she can't take over as the only one breastfeeding. It was delusional even just thinking something like this. She responded saying that my daughter needed her breasts and that her milk will be surely by far better than mine for the baby. If this wasn't enough, she said that she was worried because my breasts are too small to feed her properly and to please stop being selfish and start thinking what's really better for my daughter, concluding saying that she was fine with me breastfeeding her until she reached a sufficient supply but then I should leave the responsibility to her if I wanted my daughter to grow healthy. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I wasn't even mad. I couldn't believe it was my best friend the one who was saying such bulls--t. She was talking really loud and I guess my daughter heard that because she started crying. And she took it as a sign that my daughter was calling for HER. WTF. She only left when I was dialing the police, saying that I shouldn't treat her like this and that she's only doing what's best for my daughter. I'm done. I can't take this s--t anymore. I contacted a mutual friend and I told her everything, emphasizing that she needs help. She agreed to talk to her and see what's going on. In the meanwhile, I'll go to the police and try to file for a RO, and I will talk to a pediatrician as soon as possible. I can't live peacefully like this, and I'm starting to get worried for my daughter. Many, many thanks to each one who showed support/offered advice, and I will update again if something comes up ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you contact her parents?* "Unfortunately I don't know her parents, and I don't know how to get in touch with her ex husband. I asked the mutual friend if she perhaps knows something more" *Is she even lactating or is that a delusion as well?* "I honestly don't know. Just the thought of her inducing lactation using my daughter makes me shiver. But my daughter gets very frustrated when she gets no milk immediately from sucking, at least with me, so I don't really know what to think. Edit: thinking about it I do think that her breasts have gotten bigger, since I saw her nearly everyday. I don't know if inducing lactation cause breasts to grow just like pregnancy, or if I just made a blunder" *The horrible smaller breasts comment:* "It was so uncalled for and just plain stupid. I couldn't believe she said something like that since she always has been very smart. Yes, she's embarrassingly busty but she never bragged about them not even once, and being busty has nothing to do with breastfeeding. I never had issues feeding my baby. I really have no idea where this thing came from. It doesn't seem like something she would say, like all the rest of it.. And for the record, I don't regard mine as small.. In fact I think they're too big.." *Plans:* "I'm indeed considering staying at a hotel for the time being, I'm trying to organize everything. She has a copy of the house keys and I don't think I can change the locks swiftly" *How much about you and your codes/info/locks does she know?* "She's been my best friend for more than 20 years and she's been with me nearly everyday before and after childbirth. If she doesn't know everything, she knows a good 99% of that everything.." *Why wouldn't you know how to contact her parents/ex-husband after knowing her 20 years?* "I never wrote about not knowing her ex husband. I don't know where you read that. I do know her ex husband but since the divorce I never spoke to him nor I have means to contact him. I asked the mutual friend if she knows something more perhaps his address or telephone number since I can't find him on social medias. Regarding her parents, I don't know them so welll, when we were younger she had a live-in nanny and she's the only person related to her that I knew personally, since she was the one who took her to school or to the playground were we met to play in the past. I only met her parents once, but we never spoke. From what she told me, she always had a strained relationship with her parents because they were always busy working. But it was a delicate topic so we never talked much about it. I could try contacting the nanny but I should try to find her on social medias" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13yq1xw/update_2_my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her/) **2: June 2, 2023 (next day, so two days after OG post)** So, I came back home this morning after spending the night at a nearby hotel. I didn't feel safe staying alone in my house, since she had a copy of the keys. Even if I have a surveillance system I didn't want to take the risk. The first thing I did when I came back was calling an emergency locksmith, explained the situation, and they arrived and did the job swiftly. I felt so much safer knowing that she can't get in anymore. I checked the house but I was exactly as I left it yesterday, and after checking the surveillance tapes I was sure she didn't pay me a visit. I informed my close neighbors about what happened, and they were very understanding and helpful. I then met up with the mutual friend, and she updated me on the talk she had with her. She told me that she visited her at home this morning, because she wanted to talk to her face to face since she thought I was a little bit overreacting. Well, she went, my best friend greeted her and they started chatting a little before she invited her in. So far so good, until they sat down and my best friend asked her if they could keep talking while she pumped because she needed to get her supply running. Our mutual friend played dumb, saying that it wasn't a problem but she asked why she needed to pump if she doesn't have childrens. She replied back saying that she indeed has a daughter and that she was surprised that I didn't tell the mutual friend about it. She then pointed out that it was my daughter and that even if she didn't gave birth to her she still consider her as her baby too, and that she needed mama's (referring to her) milk to grow healthy. She kept going saying that she had no choice but pumping because I was being sassy and inconsiderate and I wasn't letting her breastfeed our baby, but that she couldn't be inconsiderate like I was and she needed to get her supply to a sufficient level, but that she was sure that I would change my mind in no time since I'm not stupid and I know that her breasts are better for our daughter. She told me that she couldn't believe what she was hearing, and that she couldn't believe that all of this was true. But what it shocked her the most was the fact that she was indeed lactating, she wasn't producing much but she was indeed pumping breastmilk. She tried to talk to her but it wasn't no use, she just wasn't listening, and after a while trying she just said that there was nothing wrong in what she was doing and that she was just being a good mother, and after that she asked her to leave because she needed to relax while pumping. Unfortunately she forgot about asking for the keys of my house, but fortunately I was able to change the locks this morning. I honestly wasn't surprised hearing all of that. But still, it was very, very depressing. She was completely shocked and she couldn't understand what happened, since apart from this she seemed completely normal. I then asked her to accompany me to the police, and unfortunately there aren't no extremes yet to file for a RO, not even a temporary one. According to what they told me where I live solid proofs of harassment, stalking, etc need to be presented, and the surveillance tapes/texts (which are the only things I have) don't show no harassment or clear evidence that she's stalking me. So the only thing I could was file a formal complaint of what happened, and did that. They told me that they will keep an eye on the situation, and they will check my neighborhood more frequently to be sure nothing happens. And that's it for now. The mutual friend will stay at my house for a couple of days to help me recover from what happened, also to wait for my parents to arrive. Unfortunately she doesn't know her parents, but she found a way to contact her ex husband, and I will contact him tomorrow to ask for help. It's been a while and I hope he's willing to. I also booked an appointment with the pediatrician, and I will get my daughter checked next week. I will stop making updates for a while. I need to get my s--t together, plan what to do next, and take care of my daughter. Fortunately enough my parents are coming to help me, and I'm really really relieved. I don't think I can keep facing this situation alone. People of reddit, thank you very much, really. You gave me wonderful advices and support, and it really helped. I will update you after the situation settles down a bit, and I really hope it does. Thanks again, and bye for now.

My best friend thought that shoving her breast down my daughter's throat to calm her down was completely ok.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144urey/my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her_breast/

144urk1

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/CuteUniversity1043. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warnings:** >!verbal abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Trash takes itself out!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13y0cyf/aita_for_being_uncomfortable_with_my_boyfriends/)**: June 1, 2023** For context, I am a 31F living with my boyfriend "Mike" who is 34. Mike has a friend "Victor" who comes over a lot. Yesterday, Victor came over to watch baseball with Mike. Victor asked me to pass him a beer so I passed one over but I dropped it. It didn't crack open or anything, but he said "Nice one, bitch." I was honestly shocked and said excuse me? He started laughing and Mike joined in. I was very uncomfortable and genuinely didn't know what to say. I told Victor that I didn't appreciate him calling me a bitch. He got super defensive and said he was saying it "jokingly". I said it doesn't matter how you were trying to say it, I am uncomfortable. He got very huffy and said I was just being "sensitive" and then he said "and you're probably going to accuse me of being a sexist now aren't you. Can't say anything these days." This was wild because A) I didn't say anything about sexism and B) What do you mean "can't say anything"? Can't call women "bitches" unsolicited anymore? What even was his point here? Mike hadn't said anything during this interaction until I called him out. I asked why he wasn't defending me and he said "idk babe you're being a bit dramatic." At this point I'd had enough so I told them to leave and they went to Victor's to watch the game. Up until this point I thought I was in the right until Mike texted me angrily. He said I'd embarrassed him in front of a friend by being so melodramatic and SJW-y. He said Victor didn't mean any harm, and it was like how my friends call me bitch lovingly/jokingly. He also said it was uncalled for for me to kick him and Victor out of the house when Mike literally lives there. I said it's completely different because my friends make sure I'm okay with it and don't say it in a derogatory manner like Victor did. Plus, my friends are wonderful women who have supported me for years, not some friend of my boyfriend's who I barely know. And I was supposed to just let myself be disrespected in my own home? He called me annoying again and then turned notifications off. He slept over last night (Victor lives alone) and hasn't come home yet. I think I might be the asshole because it's true that my friends call me bitch, and although it's different as I said above, it's possible that it confused Victor and made him think that was ok. I also didn't mean to make Victor uncomfortable/put him in the hot seat as a guest in my house. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you stay anywhere else for the time being? Or break up with him and live elsewhere?* "I can move in with my sister and her girlfriend if needed. I'm seriously considering it after this. Thanks for your input xo" *It may have started as a joke, but as soon as you were uncomfortable they should have apologized:* "that's a good point, I was excusing him by thinking maybe he heard my friend calling me it and thought it was fine, but once I said it wasn't he should have just said "oh sorry i heard \[friend\] say it so i thought it was alright". Thanks for the help" "Yeah if he had just said sorry, won't do it again I would have been ok with it and that would be the end but he got so unnecessarily defensive and weird." EDIT: Accidentally referred to "Victor" as "Lucas" (these are fake names and I changed my mind halfway through making the post lol) ***OOP is voted NTA*** **EDIT 2: Early next morning** oh my god. I was not expecting this to blow up like it did. I am so incredibly grateful for every single one of you who commented and I feel so supported. It’s impossible for me to respond to everyone but know that I’m reading your comments and I’m so thankful. I’m working things out right now, but I am safe, thank you so much for the concern. I’ll add a longer explanation and update later today when everything gets settled. A lot has happened since I made this post so I want to be able to update properly. Much love to you all, I am so overwhelmed with your kindness 💖 **Update (Same Post): June 2, 2023 (Next day)** UPDATE: This will probably be my final update considering the thread is now locked (which is sad). Firstly, thank you all so, so much for all the support. It means so much to me. I'm so overwhelmed reading all the comments telling me that I deserve better, that I haven't wasted my time with Mike, that I'm worth more. It truly means the world. Also, thanks for all the lovely PMs I've been receiving. Reading these comments have made me realize that I'm still young and have my life ahead of me, and I am sure I don't want to spend it with a man like Mike especially after what happened today. Today has been wild. To start, Mike didn't come home last night, meaning he has now spent two nights over there instead of confronting the issue like a mature adult. He didn't even text me to let me know that he was alive. So I texted him saying that I didn't appreciate at all what happened and that we should talk about it if there is any chance of saving this relationship. He sent me these wild paragraphs that basically said "fine, leave me. good luck finding someone else who will want to fuck you, you'll never find another man because you're just another annoying crazy bitch, victor was right, you're a c\*nt, etc." He basically typed an entire essay, it was pretty funny but also disturbing. I couldn't believe a man I thought I loved was saying such nasty and disrespectful things to me. I texted back: "lol alright. have fun calling me whatever the fuck you want with victor, i won't be around to take it. we're done." His text truly was the last straw for me because he didn't apologize or even try to talk it out, he just immediately jumped to calling me names and saying really horrible things. I took my stuff (luckily it wasn't much to pack because all the furniture was Mike's) and drove to my sister's, where I'm currently living with her and her girlfriend. I hope I can find a permanent living arrangement soon. Once again, thank you so much for all the support. I wouldn't have had the courage to end things without all the kind words and promises that things will get better, and that I deserve more than this. I was scared to leave because for some reason, people seem to think that women lose their "value" after turning 30. Looking back, Mike made this message clear to me as well during our relationship. I felt like I was undesirable because of my age and that I was lucky to even have a guy who could stand me. But reading your comments made me realize: I'm still young and there's plenty of time to find someone who will treat me right. Again, I am so incredibly grateful. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 💜

AITA for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend's friend calling me "b***h"?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144urk1/aita_for_being_uncomfortable_with_my_boyfriends/

1452oor

Originally posted by u/kitchen_earth7954 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 18, '23 updated on June 2, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Hints of possible domestic violence, hints of possible financial abuse, possible divorce!< Mood Spoiler: >!Progress in the end!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13lujjo/aita_for_telling_my_wife_im_tired_of_raising_a/)** May 18, '23 &nbsp; AITA for telling my wife I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper. Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on. Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job. A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper. Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA? Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see. Emma and Harper are best friends. It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break. We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself. Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >where’s Harper’s mom in all this? OP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now >So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc? OP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast. >are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you? OP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back. >7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue. OP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center. >you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him OP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person >Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it? OP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes. &nbsp; *Judgement: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kitchen_Earth7954/comments/13ya03j/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_im_tired_of_raising/)** June 2, '23 &nbsp; So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks. As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time. The short version is: Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were. Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out. Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own. So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction. The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer. The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer). When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything. Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement. Wish me luck we shall see how this goes. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for telling my wife I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine?

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1452oor/aita_for_telling_my_wife_im_tired_of_raising_a/

1454gjp

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/NewspaperAny2212 **AITAH for not letting my niece call me “mom”?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING** >!death of a parent!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13pdlm5/aitah_for_not_letting_my_niece_call_me_mom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 23, 2023** Ok so I (35f) have a bit of a story. When I was 19, I got pregnant and was extremely irresponsible and decided to keep the baby with my at the time boyfriend. We passed the window to get the baby aborted and as the due date grew closer, we realized just how unsustainable having a baby was at the time and he ran out on me. I have no idea what to do, but my absolutely wonderful brother and his wife we’re having trouble conceiving so they proposed that they raised my child like their own. I said yes, and I am so thankful they allowed me to have a part in her life because she is a MAGNIFICENT person. My brother suddenly passed away a few years ago but he was the greatest man who ever walked on this planet. She began living with me after her father died (her mother isn’t in the picture anymore. Long story but it’s not happy) and a few months ago she found out I’m actually her biological mother. She’s been coming to terms with it and she tells me she loves hanging out with me and does see a lot of herself in me. This morning she called me “mom” and I immediately stopped her and told her not to call me that. She told me that I am literally her mother so she should be allowed to call me “mom” and then I told her I am her aunt, not her mom. Then after she continued to push I said “so does that mean you should call dad “uncle [name]”?” That made her stop dead in her tracks and she stopped and then just slowly left the room. Maybe that was a little bit of a cheap shot considering how fucking close she was with him before he passed, but yeah. AITAH for not letting her call me mom? tl;dr: I’m my niece’s biological mom (my brother raised her as his own) and she tried to call me “mom” today and I told her not to. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ON WHY SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE SHE DERSERVES TO BE CALLED MOM** >She is my brothers child. He was a better parent than I ever could have been and for the first few years of her life I thought I had made the biggest mistake I ever could’ve made but when I saw how much patience and grace he had with her, I knew I made the right decision. He was a better parent for her than I ever could’ve been. I was never her mother, I was always her fun aunt who she had sleepovers with. >I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about how he raised her for ME, but he raised her for HER ThrowRA-crayons >You can feel that your brother was a better parent if you’d like, but she’s still YOUR DAUGHTER. Again, setting a boundary is one thing but straight up trying to lie to your own kid is another. Get it together OP. OOP replied >I’m not lying to her. I’m not her mom. There’s a difference between being someone’s biological mother and being someone’s mom **ON HER BROTHER'S WIFE NOT BEING IN HER DAUGHTER'S LIFE** >Her mom stopped being part of her life a long time ago. It’s not a happy story… [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13wfdx2/update_aitah_for_not_letting_my_niece_call_me_mom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 31, 2023** Ok so last week I made a post about my niece which can be seen here: /r/AITAH/comments/13pdlm5/aitah_for_not_letting_my_niece_call_me_mom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1  Basically, when I was 19 I got pregnant and couldn’t raise a baby so I agreed to have my brother and his wife raised her as their own and I’ve been her aunt for her whole life. My brother passed away suddenly and she’s been living with me for the past three years, and she found out I was her biological mom a few months ago. Last week she called me “mom” and I told her not to because I wasn’t her mom and I was her aunt. After reading some of the comments and engaging with them, I decided to talk to her and I told her I was very sorry for my low comment about her father and I miss him terribly too and I didn’t feel comfortable being called “mom” because I felt I hadn’t earned it yet. She was just kind of like “yeah ok.” and we moved on. Then last night night she randomly asked if she could sleep in my bed with me. I was kind of unsure what to do so I just said ok, and then she got in and snuggled up next to me. This is going to sound cheesy as hell but when she put herself in my arms, I had this surreal flashback to when she was sleeping in my arms on the day she was born. I had a wave of emotions and started feeling like I was an idiot for giving her up even though my brother was a better parent than I ever could be, and I had this realization that I’ve been a fucking idiot this whole time because I didn’t see I now have an opportunity to actually be her mom after so many years of feeling like I missed out on that. I embraced her in my arms and started to cry. She asked if everything was ok and I told her “everything is perfect.” I sincerely hope I didn’t screw myself and make her never want to call me “mom” ever again after my response last time. Either way, I couldn’t be more proud of this young woman and I’m so happy I get to have this role in her life. Anyway, yeah. Sorry for the long winded response. If you made it to the end thank you I appreciate it :) **RELEVANT COMMENTS** kiwanyuh >That’s really sweet. If it were a movie, she’d remember what you said about “not earning to be called mom” so when she calls you mom next time, it’s gonna be a special moment of you somehow “earning it” I made myself cry now, I hope that’s how it goes ❤️‍🔥 And I’m so happy you connected with her 💖 OOP replied >istg I’m gonna full on ugly cry if that ever happens lol **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for not letting my niece call me “mom”?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1454gjp/aitah_for_not_letting_my_niece_call_me_mom/

1456051

*Reminder, I am not OOP. This is a repost.* TW: >!Transphobia!< [**Original Post from May 16, 2023 - [US] [TX] My former school is claiming my parent's permission slip allows them fair use of my current work photo.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/13jppke/us_tx_my_former_school_is_claiming_my_parents/) I went to middle/high school in Texas over a decade ago and don't currently live in that state. For personal reasons I have avoided all contact with anyone from the school, alumni association, former teachers, etc. Recently, I learned that the school's website, Instagram and Facebook pages had posted my middle and high school photos as a composite with a portrait off my employer's website sort of like a "look where they are now" thing. The composite is part of the alumni landing page on the school website. My work photo is of me wearing a distinctive uniform and name badge and is not particularly easy to find online, but it is somewhere on my employer's web directory. I do not have the same name and look significantly different now as compared to school photos. My employer states they were never contacted by the school. My work uses a photography service with their own media release which explicitly requires written permission for any third party use. I sent a polite e-mail to the school requesting the photos be taken down. The reply I got was to the effect of, "we wish you well but permission has been granted for 'fair use' as per the documents attached". They had sent a scanned PDF of a media release permission slip signed by my parent about 15 years ago, with a highlighted section stating "I irrevocably authorize [school] to use the Photograph or any print or digital alterations thereof for current or future publication". The photo file itself was also attached (all 3 images mashed together as one file) except a white bar had been added on the bottom with "Date: [date of middle school photo]". Needless to say, this is ridiculous. I haven't yet replied to that e-mail. Ever since the photo was posted, I have been getting unsolicited FB requests and DMs from people which I all ignore. Worse, my employer has started getting phone calls asking if [former name] works there. I feel very uncomfortable that my current profession and personal details are being promoted for the school without my permission. I really don't want anyone else from my hometown to connect my current and former lives. I am looking for some guidance on who could help me sort this out and if it might be worth going to civil court for. A lawyer acquaintance told me that I could prove no damages but I'm not sure. ​Thanks!!! [**First Update - May 24. 2023**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/13qr7cj/update_us_tx_my_former_school_is_claiming_my/) This will probably be the only update as I'm considering my next steps but I appreciated all the good advice I got the last time. <Removed user ping> recommended I ask my employers' photography service to contact my school with a DMCA notice. I did not reach out to the school directly. Someone from the the school's IT department replied to my email and not the photography service the next day. Their email was basically with their claims as below [I am paraphrasing because I don't want to use the exact language]. * The photograph is the property of the school and they can do what they please with it. * The file properties ([link to the screen shot is here](https://imgur.com/a/PvswznG)) [Editor's note: transcription of image - Created: Saturday, July 17, 2004, 11:41:26AM, Modified: Saturday, July 17, 2004, 11:41:26AM, Accessed: Monday, September 13, 2010, 11:06:18AM] prove that the composite photo was taken in 2004 and per my parents release form, I disclaim all rights to it. * The school has an interest in promoting diversity and it is sad as a Transgender individual I would not want to stand up to Greg Abbot. The email was signed with a clear mocking of my current title (like "John Smith, Vice President for Information Security"). The part of this that annoys me the most is that I am not Transgender. I could see why someone might think that, but I changed my name, appearance and so on because of unsavory connections to my family. I certainly do feel bad for Trans people in Texas but this isn't my fight. I don't think it will be useful to try and communicate further with the school. I have read that if a website ignores a DMCA takedown, I could try and have their website domain suspended. Would that be the route to go? I don't trust Texas civil courts but if push comes to shove I will go the formal route. ​Thanks again. [**Final Update - June 2, 2023**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/13yryny/2nd_update_us_tx_my_former_school_is_claiming_my/) I'm providing an update because I think it's important to highlight all the excellent advice I received and I think honestly this should qualify for a r/bestoflegaladvice post. I had previously posted here and here (*Note - removed links to previous posts*) regarding a ridiculous situation in which my old school had used a middle school portrait, mashed together with my current work headshot, in a derogatory way on their website and social media. Multiple commenters suggested that I engage my employer's photography service as well as my employer's legal department to help. They were very eager to do so. The photographers sent a DMCA complaint via social media forms and the offending posts were removed within 48 hrs! Unfortunately the school website is hosted by Cloudflare and they did not respond to the takedown request. However, my composite photo was moved off the main page and into a new section called "Diversity and Inclusion". This is where my employer's legal department was super helpful. They sent a communication to the school's legal division essentially saying that what I was experiencing is targeted harassments based on perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. Shockingly quickly we heard back with a profuse apology and promise for full investigation and possibly also disciplining the employee who was responsible for the photo, doctored file properties, website and email. On that topic, I found out that this person married into my family (who apparently thinks the reason I don't talk to them is because they think i am Trans) so that seems like their motive. ​ All in all, I think this is as good of an outcome as I could have hoped for. I don't think I will seek any damages but we'll see. I just want to thank everyone again. I was nervous posting this because it seems so silly, but I really am grateful. *Reminder, I am not OOP. This is a repost.*

OOP's former school is using their current picture on the school website without permission.

CONCLUDED

justathoughtfromme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1456051/oops_former_school_is_using_their_current_picture/

1456a9v

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/lazybear90 **in** r/tifu Hi all. This is my first time posting here, please let me know if I made any mistakes. Trigger warnings: >!none I think!< Mood spoiler: >!overwhelmingly wholesome!< **Original** [**post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13smbtl/tifu_by_donating_15041_to_a_poor_community_in/)**: May 26, 2023** This happened in February of last year, but my friends have been telling me I need to post this story online … so here goes nothing: My wife and I (both 31 years old, at the time) moved into a new three-unit apartment building in San Francisco. One of our neighbors is a 70-something year old retired veteran, we’ll call him Joe. For context, Joe is a white American guy and he’s also a devout Hindu priest. One day I run into Joe in my hallway, and he tells me about this charity he manages for a community in Bangladesh. I wanted to support my neighbor and the charity, so I ask Joe to send me the GoFundMe link. The next day at work, I go on the GoFundMe page and donate $150. Or so I thought. Moments later, I get a text on my phone warning me of an unusually large transaction on my credit card. I’m confused and swipe to open the text message. It says I have made a payment of $15,041 to GoFundMe. Immediately I’m sweating. How could I have donated FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS? I spend the next 10-15 minutes retracing my steps, and finally I realize my credit card starts with the numbers 4 and 1. It seems I had accidentally started typing my credit card information while my cursor was still in the donation box, and just like that 150 became 15041. Yikes. I call GoFundMe’s support line in a panic, and when I finally connect with a human I explain what happened. “No need to worry”, he tells me, they will initiate a refund of the transaction which should process in 3-7 business days. That’s a huge relief. But then I ask the agent if the charity will be able to see the donation on the GoFundMe page until it is refunded. “What do you mean?” the agent asks me. “What do YOU mean what do I mean?” was my response. “Will they be able to see the $15,041 donation?!” Unfortunately, yes, the agent tells me. They will be able to see it until the refund process is complete. I tell him that’s a big problem, as the entire GoFundMe had hardly raised that much at that point. Surely they will notice their fundraiser doubling overnight? My plan was to knock on Joe’s door the following morning to give him the full story, so that he could pass it along to his contacts in Bangladesh. But when I woke up the next morning, I looked at my phone and saw I had 40+ notifications on Facebook. Someone had sent me a friend request, had liked many of my old posts, and had sent me many messages. Immediately I was concerned when I saw that the individual messaging me had a Hindu name, but I never could have imagined what I saw when I opened his first message… The man had sent me a video of himself from Bangladesh, surrounded by dozens of impoverished and hungry people holding bags of food, thanking me BY NAME (Michael) for my generous donation. A big round of applause for Michael. At this point, I’ve leapt out of my bed and I’m pacing. Part of me wants to scream, part of me wants to crack up laughing. I start swiping through the man’s messages, and it is picture after picture after picture of poor Bangladeshis thanking me for my kind donation. Literally hundreds of photos of frail, elderly, disabled, and malnourished individuals holding signs with my name. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Michael. I've uploaded a portion of the video, and a few photos, for you guys to see here: [https://imgur.com/gallery/tROXniV](https://imgur.com/gallery/tROXniV) *Editor's note: Photo descriptions* *1: a screenshot of the GoFundMe page with Michael's $15,041 donation made and highligted.* *2: a video of people holding food bags, and a man in the middle saying thank you to Michael.* *3: two men with their food bags, with a sign that says "Thank you dear Michael for your kind help".* *4: eight people with their food bags and a sign that says "Thanks dear Michael for your kind".* *5: a lot of people gatherered, holding their hands in the air with their food bags at their feet.* *6 through 11 contain different people with their food bags and one of the previous signs.* *12: several people gathered for a selfie taken by the man from the video who thanks Michael.* *13: same picture as 5.* *14 and 15: more people with their food bags and the same signs.* Needless to say, I couldn’t live with myself just donating $150 after seeing how the community responded to the $15,041. I decided the least I could do was to add a zero, and so I donated $1,500 once the original donation was refunded. The charity’s host was incredibly gracious and understanding, and he explained to me that $1,500 goes very far in Bangladesh for urgent food relief. Here is the charity’s new GoFundMe link if you want to check it out: [https://www.gofundme.com/f/urgent-food-relief-assistance-in-bangladesh](https://www.gofundme.com/f/urgent-food-relief-assistance-in-bangladesh) Ultimately I think the whole experience was a win-win. I helped a great cause, and I got a funny story out of it. TL;DR: Some impoverished folks in Bangladesh thought I had sent them $15,041 but it was an accident and I had to request a refund for most of it. EDIT: Many are asking why there is no $1,500 donation listed in the fund’s donation history. I donated to an old campaign link for the same charity. It is readily findable online, if you feel compelled to search for it. **Update** [**post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13yo4zb/tifupdate_embarrassing_story_of_my_accidental/)**: June 2nd, 2023 (one week later)** PHOTO Updates: [https://imgur.com/a/8Rv1LoZ](https://imgur.com/a/8Rv1LoZ) (I assume the first of many photos to come in the following months) *Editor's note: Photo descriptions* *1: Several Bangladeshi children holding plates waiting to get food, some are holding signs that say "Thanks Reddit".* Caption: Thank you Reddit! These are just the first few photos I've received from the team leader, I'm sure there's so much more to come. *2: Similar to 1.* *3: Similar, but with a sign that says "All this thanks to Reddit".* *4: Similar to 3.* *5: Women holding a sing that says "All this thanks to Reddit" with bags filled with fruit at their feet.* *6: Same as 2.* *7: A screenshot of the GoFundMe showing the number of donations prior to the Reddit post (26).* Caption: Donations prior to my Reddit post ($12,500 or so, at that time) *8: A screenshot of the GoFundMe after the post. $63,301 were raised by 2.1K donations!* Caption: Donations as of this posting. *9: It's a conversation between Michael and the Team Leader (TL for short) in Bangladesh (named Shohag Chandra Das). The conversation is as follows:* *Michael: I posted the story of my accidental donation on Reddit, when I donated 15,041 when I meant to donate $150.* *TL: If I would know by your kindness what is the full form of Reddit.* *Michael: People thought it was so funny and it went viral. Reddit is a community social media website. The story got 30,000 views, and the GoFundMe link was shared with everyone.* *TL: Yes we 17 team members of Bangladesh realief Are now can hope to see a new future streagth We were hoping our program will be closed due to fund lacking* Caption: Messages from the local team leader in Bangladesh. *10th photo to 13th photo: More screenshots. I'll transcribe them here:* *TL: Four emojis with a sad face and a tear. I have no words to praise you that what results your little gesture has brought for millions of needy boldest people in Bangladesh. AND DEAR SIR MILLIONS OF THANKS FOR YOUR KIND EFFORTS BY SHARING THiS FOOD DISTRIBUTION POST IN rebbit.com ,,its a strenghts for thousands of needy people and hungry children even we are seeking permanent sponsor to bear the cost of 20 accurate orphanage children for their rejoining into the school because they have lost their father now they are unable to manage the cost of educationg fooding ect ,,but no one was agreeing for this educational projects. Rebbit.com* *TL: millions of thanks for your kindness dear sir i saw you have done it Michael sends a link to* [*Reddit.com*](https://www.reddit.com)*.* *TL: Then this results has come. And million of thanks to you dear sir, to message me after looking this greatest news.* *Then TL proceeds to send Michael lots of other photos of Bangladeshi people containing them eating, them holding their food bags and selfies.* *TL: 17 total team members working in 4 districts under BR. But I have sent some pictures we are working in Bogura Office. But in 4 districts 17 young boys and girls doing part time jobs in our institute. Dear Sir. I am informing you because our institute getting a strong shape world wide.* *14: A screenshot of the original GoFundMe page showing the $1,500 donation Michael ended up doing. With this text "My original $1,500 in donations on the old campaign page, since a lot of people were looking for this".* Caption: Some people were looking in the donation history on the campaign's new link to verify I actually made the $1,500 donation I claimed to have made in my story. The $1,500 donation (pictured) was made via the OLD campaign link Last week, I posted one of my life's most embarrassing stories on TIFU, about the typo that caused me to donate $15,041 to a Bangladesh charity instead of the $150 donation I intended. At the time of my Reddit post, the charity’s latest campaign had approximately $12,500 from 26 total donations. My neighbor, the organizer of the charity, had told me the charity was running on fumes and looking to cancel some of its programs. Of course I had hoped some Redditors might read my story and decide to help the charity, but I NEVER could have expected the overwhelming reaction nor the incredible generosity of the Reddit community. “Watch this post blow up, and a shit ton of Redditors donate” was one of the first comments the post received on Reddit. And that is exactly what happened. Over Memorial Day Weekend, the charity raised over $55,000 from over 2,100 new donations. On Saturday, I had to explain Reddit to my 77-year-old neighbor and to the charity’s team leader in Bangladesh (he called it Rebbit, as you can see in my pics). They were absolutely blown away by the reaction – truly they view it as a miracle. I received the following message from my neighbor: “Without a doubt, this is the biggest wave of support to arrive since we started! Doors that were closed can now be opened. Plans that were parked can now be put in motion. There is much we can now accomplish. All due to your idea to post (in a funny way) on what happened a while ago. Abundant resources require an equal level of responsibility. No less. I am committed to see that these funds are applied carefully and continue to make a difference to those who need it most.” Sometimes things just seem to work out for a reason. One Reddit donor commented, “Michael may have screwed up his donation, but hopefully his TIFU on Reddit has fixed that somewhat.” Thanks to Reddit, the Bangladesh community will receive roughly 4x the amount of the original donation I had refunded. TL;DR: My embarrassing story of an accidental $15,041 donation (and refund of $13,541) goes viral on Reddit, Redditors raise over $55,000 for needy in Bangladesh! EDIT: Holy cow someone just donated $5,000! Thank you, Anonymous!! Hopefully you didn’t mean to donate $500… it could happen to anyone. Charity link in comments and original post, if anyone else is interested! &#x200B; **Editor's note: If this gets posted I will be really happy that my first BORU post was** ***this*** **level of wholesome.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

TIFU by donating $15,041 to a poor community in Bangladesh instead of the $150 donation I intended + UPDATE

CONCLUDED

burnside38

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1456a9v/tifu_by_donating_15041_to_a_poor_community_in/

1456p8r

Originally posted by Fresh-Tower-8803 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 20, '23 updated on April 27, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12tfszz/aita_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_share_a_birthday/)** April 20, '23 &nbsp; AITA for forcing my daughter to share a birthday celebration with her twin brother? I have two kids, Paige (14/F) and Dylan (14/M). As twins most years they’ve wanted to have a joint birthday celebration, but there have been a couple of years where they’ve decided to have separate parties with different friend groups or at different locations. They tell me a few weeks before their birthday in May which thing they want to do that year. So this year Paige told me that she and Dylan had decided they wanted to have their own parties, and she and her friends had already picked a whole theme and the activities that they wanted to do. I approved Paige’s plan, and then a day or so later I asked Dylan what he wanted to do for his birthday party. At this point I learned that Dylan and Paige had not mutually decided that they were having separate celebrations this year, and me asking Dylan about it was the first he was hearing that he was expected to have his own party. His feelings were very hurt that Paige had cut him out without so much as talking to him about it. So I spoke with Paige and she admitted that she and her friends had decided on their own to exclude Dylan because they felt that a boy would wreck the activities they had planned. I told Paige that it wasn’t okay for her to treat her brother that way and that the party I’d originally agreed to was now cancelled, and that I expected her and Dylan to plan a joint birthday celebration with activities that all of their friends could enjoy. Dylan is much happier with this arrangement, but Paige is angry and keeps saying that I ruined her party. I’m worried that I might’ve made a misstep because normally I try very hard to treat my kids as individuals and not just as a pair of twins, and I’m worried that forcing Paige to share her birthday celebration with Dylan might send the wrong message on that front. So AITA? EDIT: I've already realized that making Paige and Dylan share a birthday celebration is an unreasonable punishment (for various reasons) and won't be doing so, y'all can calm down now. Sheesh. &nbsp; *Judgment: Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/130ng9c/update_aita_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_share_a/)** April 27, '23 &nbsp; I’ve had several DMs asking how the situation turned out and if I apologized to Paige so I figured I’d just make an update. So I talked with both Paige and Dylan over the weekend and told them that I wouldn’t make them share their birthday party. I told Paige I realized that forcing her to share a birthday party with Dylan was an unfair punishment, because I knew it was more important to treat her like an individual and not like one half of a matching set, and I apologized for forgetting that and told her I wouldn’t let it happen again. Paige asked if that meant that she could still have the birthday party that she and her friends had planned. I told her that I wasn’t sure because I still wasn’t happy with her for lying to me in the first place. Paige said that she was more way upset about having to tell her friends that her party was cancelled than about having to share a party with Dylan, and that she didn’t really get why I was apologizing for that instead. I asked Paige what she thought a more appropriate consequence for lying was instead of having her party cancelled, and she suggested getting grounded, so that’s what we’re going with. Lastly I told Paige that since I know she and Dylan are getting older now, I’ll just assume going forward that they want to have separate parties every year. Paige said that she only did this year because her friends decided they didn’t want any boys. I told her that was fine and I guessed we’d just talk about it again next year. And then I told Dylan that I was letting Paige have her all-girls party with her friends, and that I realized I shouldn’t have used sharing a birthday party with him as a punishment because that wasn’t fair to either one of them. Dylan said it was okay and that if he was having a solo party after all, he knew what he wanted to do for it. I also told Dylan that since he and Paige are getting older now, I’d start assuming that they want separate parties unless they tell me otherwise. Dylan said he guessed that made sense. So that’s pretty much it, Dylan and Paige are each having their own party. And at some point they talked it out between themselves as far as Dylan’s feelings being hurt that Paige hadn’t talked to him about what she wanted to do this year, I wasn’t involved in the conversation but they’ve been friends again since it happened. &nbsp; *OOP's account had since been suspended. Eta: not sure why it was suspended. It was still active when I saved the posts a few weeks ago. Really only included this info bc its the reason I didn't bother to include any comments. There were 2500 between the 2 posts and its a lot to sort through to look for more relevant info from the original poster.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for forcing my daughter to share a birthday celebration with her twin brother?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1456p8r/aita_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_share_a_birthday/

145d8ar

**Originally posted by** u/eloped-momRA **in** r/AITAH Trigger warning: >!Cheating, some misogynistic comments about infidelity!< Mood spoiler: >!hopeful for OOP!< \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13l0zaf/aita_for_not_telling_my_dad_that_my_mom_got/) \- 18 May 2023 ​My (17F) parents got divorced when I was 12, because my dad had a 2 year long affair with mom's bestfriend. It was really shameful because mom's bestfriend was with her since they were 3. My mom had been pressurized by dad's family that she forgives him but instead mom decided to divorce him. A lot of the family members actually stopped talking to mom because of this and some of her friends also took her bff's side. For this reason mom was very devastated. Over the years she has been to 2 different therapists for the trauma she had. As for my dad, he dated mom's bestfriend for a while before they broke up. That is when my dad realized he loved mom and tried everything to get her back. But my mom was stubborn and shut him off. He was still on and off with Sylvia (mom's bestfriend). I had to be in this mess. Especially with my dad who would always try to guilt trip me into convincing mom into being with him. I have heard from him things like "I wish we were family together." "It was just a mistake, I am willing to do anything to make amends." "I want us to be a family again but your mom doesn't want to." I had enough of it. So when I was 15 I decided to stay with mom and only visit dad on weekends because I cannot handle his constant nagging. Also because during that time my mom started dating, Jack who was the father of my classmate. My dad found out and started asking questions after questions about Jack. He wanted me to spy on Jack. But I had enough of it. I strictly told him if he doesn't stop these nonsense I would cut him off completely. Few months ago, my mom announced that she will be marrying Jack within few days. They got engaged that day and only wanted a small ceremony with just few family members. It was a small gathering of only 15 people. Just me and Jack's son along with some close family and friends. The wedding happened in Jack's backyard. They had photographer too but my mom only recently posted the pictures after coming back from her honeymoon. My dad had no idea because my mom didn't wanted him to know anything. She was afraid my dad would create some drama and cause a scene. I respected her wishes. My dad saw those photos and called me to confirm. I said yes, my mom got married few months ago. My dad was angry. He called me a traitor and said I was an asshole for keeping it away. He has the right to know which man my mom was marrying. This was last straw for me. I told him to fuck off. He has lost all right over mom the moment he decided to stick his dick inside Sylvia. My mom knew he was an unhinged person so I am glad she didn't tell him. I also told him to leave us the fuck alone and cut the phone. My mom also got messages from him. I read some of those. They were mostly of him accusing her of breaking up our family. Remind you he is again dating Sylvia. I heard from my cousins that my dad has started to act abnormal ever since. I am wonder if I went too far with it. &#x200B; *Some comments from OOP:* More info on Sylvia: >What hurts the most is Sylvia was my mom's maid of honor. She is delusional because she thinks my dad is somehow the prize. That's why after all these years she stuck around. Even people from my dad's family hates her. When asked about Sylvia and dad's relationship and OOP's plans: >I honestly feel no pity for her. Dad is a scumbag who only goes back to her every time my mom rejects him. Once he is bored, they fight, he or she cheats and then break up but never block each other. I am literally tired of this mess. If it wasn't for the court orders I would have cut him off entirely. I hope I can next year when I turn 18. &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13uz2dp/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_dad_that_my_mom/) \- 29 May 2023 So, something weird has happened. Few days ago, Sylvia came to my mom's house. I was there. She was shouting at mom and said that she is stealing her man (my dad) away from her. She literally said "You already had your fun with him. Why can't you just leave him alone?" My mom told her to get lost. Sylvia went on a rant that how much she is better than my mom and even threatened that she would sleep with her new husband as well. My mom told her if that ever happens she will be doing her a favor by taking the trash out. And she trusts Jack would never hurt her. My mom threatened to call the police on Sylvia that eventually made her leave her property. As much as I hate the drama but I must say watching that wretched woman have a meltdown because my dad was still hung up on my mom is precious. Apparently dad dumped Sylvia again in hopes that mom would see that he is dedicated to win her back. Who knows how long will that last. My dad also got into a fight with a random person in a bar because he was drunk. I guess he is still coping with the feeling that mom is not going be with him anymore. Thank god the guy didn't press charges. I had a heart to heart conversation with him (at least I tried to). I asked him if he is so in love with mom why did he cheat? His answers were illogical. He said that as a man it is hard to control the urges. At that time Sylvia was flirting with him and he took a shot. He knows it is wrong. He thought it would be once and then he will dump her. But it went on for a long time. He said I won't understand it because I am not a man. A man can cheat but still love his wife and would die for his wife. He loves my mom but he still has urges to be with other woman. This conversation was going nowhere. I didn't ask much. I just told him I hope his son-in-law treats me the way he treated my mom. He never gave an answer to that. I still can't believe he would to this day think he is the victim. Anyways, I am thinking about moving in with mom permanently. I know Sylvia would come by his house now. Can anyone please help me understand what he means because I always though you cheat because you do not love that person? Maybe I am wrong in someway. &#x200B; *Comments on the update:* People tried to defend her dad's cheating and OOP replied: >"I have read this reply 3 times. It seems to me you are blaming my mom for my dad's cheating. I may not know ins and outs but I sure as hell know when you are committed to someone cheating is wrong no matter what. So I am confused why are you trying to justify my dad's cheating? Are men really that weak that they cannot control themselves?" &#x200B; >"It still sounds to me you are blaming my mom dude. I am not married but I have a boyfriend. If my bf cheated on me with my bestfriend I would sure be mad. My friend got cheated on for something way less. But I am quizzing my dad to understand the reason. I may never know why it is. But I sure as know it was my dad's fault for this mess. I wouldn't be mad if he divorced mom like a normal person but he put my mom through hell and shame." &#x200B; **Reminder, I am not OOP.**

AITA for not telling my dad that my mom got married?

CONCLUDED

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/145d8ar/aita_for_not_telling_my_dad_that_my_mom_got/

145gz50

**I am NOT OP.** trigger warnings: >!concerning!< mood spoilers: >!Good!< --- &nbsp; [**I found my boss' highly critical notes about a coworker**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/i-found-my-bosss-highly-critical-notes-about-a-/coworker.html) - 7/21/21 After 10 years of working together, my direct manager — our director of operations, Jessica — was let go from our company a few months ago. There were apparently some behind-the-scenes issues between herself and our CEO, Bruce (he alluded as much to me and others in conversation, I think in an attempt at transparency) that led to this result. Bruce had the replacement for Jessica set to start less than a week after Jessica was let go (she was let go on a Tuesday, my new manager Elizabeth started the following Monday), which leads me to believe that this change was in the works for well over a month (due to the notice Elizabeth would have had to give at her previous job). I don’t know if I can communicate how sudden Jessica’s termination was. It was a surprise to everyone but especially to Lila, who is one of Jessica’s best friends and who works as a manager. When Elizabeth first started, one of the tasks at the top of her list was meeting with the managers and department heads to get a feel for the organization … but the meeting with Lila took place after hours and from what I heard of it, it was not polite or professionally handled (I work after usual business hours and the doors to my office and the conference room were both open). Elizabeth and Bruce were quite aggressive toward Lila. Thankfully, another manager, Mandy, was also in the meeting and was able to give Lila a little support and a chance to take a breath. The meeting eventually seemed to calm down (and I closed my door once I realized what I was hearing) and I have chalked that up to Elizabeth being primed by others (possibly Bruce) to take a defensive position due to Lila’s close friendship with Jessica. This is my conundrum. I went to our communal supply closet last evening to get some notepads. There weren’t any fresh, new ones, but I was looking for scratch paper for myself and don’t mind using up the dregs of someone else’s old notepad. I grabbed a few remnants and went back to my desk. When sorting through the notepads quickly to clean up any loose pieces, I noticed that one had writing on the second page down. I flipped the page up, intending to remove and shred whatever notes were on there. The notes that I saw were Elizabeth’s notes from (or possibly after) that first meeting with Lila. I’m sure I won’t shock you by telling you that the notes (at a glance, once I realized what they were) were not flattering to Lila in the least. Some pertained to her work performance, but others were very crude (and inaccurate) assessments of Lila’s personality and what Elizabeth did not like about her. There was also a page after those notes with some jotted-down info from a high-level meeting that Elizabeth attended (again, at a quick glance). I don’t know what to do now. Should I pretend I never saw the notes, shred them, and keep my mouth shut? Should I take the notepad to Elizabeth and explain how I ended up with it, allowing her to destroy the notes herself? I could even play it more as, “Funny thing, I grabbed this old notepad from the supply closet and it looks like you still have some notes on here. Did you want to check them to see if you still need them?” … But of course, she will want to know if I saw what the notes were about. It is very fortunate that I was the one who came across this information as I work at the manager level (with clearance and responsibilities to match) and previously did HR-esque work for the company. I suppose my biggest issue here is wondering, if Elizabeth made notes like that about Lila, what kind of notes did she make about me after our first encounter? I can’t ask her that, but I worry that bringing up the Lila notes to Elizabeth will cause her to mistrust me. To be very clear, I have no intention of telling Lila or anyone else about what I saw. Elizabeth and Lila seem to have evened out a bit and their relationship is maybe not the best in the world, but it is certainly better than when Elizabeth first started. I don’t want to cause issues or drama, I just want a good working relationship with my new boss. &nbsp; [**update: I found my boss’s highly critical notes about a coworker**](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/06/update-i-found-my-bosss-highly-critical-notes-about-a-coworker.html) - 6/21/22 The primary update – We don’t have HR, and the only members of the company who were above me in hierarchy at the time were Elizabeth and Bruce. I felt a lack of ownership when it came to drawing attention to the situation or deciding what the correct course of action would be. My final determination was to seek out the counsel of Amy (Bruce’s Executive Assistant) who had been in charge of cleaning out Jessica’s office. When I showed the notes to Amy, she instantly made the decision to shred them (we have a third party company who shreds our documents and those are kept in secure, locked boxes until picked up). I also left it to Amy to decide whether to inform Elizabeth about the situation (as far as I know she did not). I had also gone through the cabinet to make sure no other notepads had any written pages on them – and I found one notepad with Jessica’s notes from a common meeting a few years prior, so I shredded those. Some general updates about everyone involved: Elizabeth is no longer with our company. She gave notice about six months in (citing the not-great fit on both sides as well as an opportunity she could not pass up). Elizabeth remains … a mixed bag in my opinion. Before she left the company, she ensured that I received a review and a raise – after not having a review for over three years. However, there were some professionalism problems evident. For example – Elizabeth and I were having a very serious one on one discussion and while I was talking she reached into her drawer, pulled out her floss, and proceeded to floss her teeth. I was stunned and I assume I stopped speaking, because she gestured for me to continue. I asked if she needed me to come back and she replied that no, it was fine – and flossed all of her teeth. Not in an “Excuse me, this popcorn kernel is stuck, please – one second” with a turn away and quick floss. It was both hands in her mouth just sawing away at her gums. At that point I think she had already mentally checked out (our serious discussion was about something she had done without thinking and I was doing my best trying to minimize the fallout). The real benefit of Elizabeth is Regina, who Elizabeth hired prior to leaving. Bruce promoted Regina into the role Elizabeth had vacated and we are all delighted to work with Regina. Bruce is … still Bruce. After Elizabeth left he went around seeking guidance on what had gone wrong (he has a history of taking resignations a little too personally), but I honestly think that the situation worked out as best it could. Elizabeth was a “rebound” in a sense and, while I did not wish such a short tenure on her, Regina was able to step into the role without the crushing weight of constantly being compared to Jessica. As far as I know, Jessica is doing well in her new job. The same for Lila – Lila, the unknowing recipient of this vitriol, found a great job elsewhere and from all accounts is thriving. Lila’s last day was close to Elizabeth’s and, while I think Lila might have stayed with Elizabeth gone, her new work environment sounds much healthier for her and the work well-suited to her skillset – along with the lack of baggage she still had here as Jessica’s close friend. As for me, Enid (the NotePad Goblin), I’m still using up dregs of old notepads and imagining myself in Sweet Valley. Thank you, Alison and the commentariat, for your kind words and suggestions. I was at an absolute loss with no HR and the problem involving my only supervisors, and so I greatly appreciated the anonymous third-party guidance. Keep up the great work! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I found my boss' highly critical notes about a coworker

EXTERNAL

InuGhost

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/145gz50/i_found_my_boss_highly_critical_notes_about_a/

145l42x

Originally posted by u/connectiondude747 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 19, '23 updated on May 20, '23. &nbsp; This post was deleted by mods and preserved in a post on r/WeddingShaming [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/13mhdxp/bride_groom_attempt_to_trick_his_groomsman_into/) &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Race Fetishism!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13maq06/wibta_for_dropping_out_of_a_wedding_when_its_two/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)** May 19, '23 &nbsp; WIBTA for dropping out of a wedding when it’s two weeks away? I’m 29, male, and have a long term girlfriend of three years, Hannah. My friend Kyle is getting married later this year. I agreed to be a groomsman. So it’s me, him, and there other dudes. I was disappointed when I found out I wouldn’t have a plus one for the wedding, but at the time I thought the same went for the other guys. Come to find out last weekend that the three other groomsmen do have plus ones. Two of them have been in relationships for less time combined than me. The other guy is single and was complaining about not finding a date to bring on Tinder (which is how I found out). I ask Kyle what’s going on? Why do they have plus ones but I can’t bring Hannah? I find out this. So, I’m walking down the aisle with the bride’s sister, Lisa. Lisa is developmentally disabled. She’s in her twenties, but mentally she’s about ten years old. Kyle says it’s because they don’t want to piss off Lisa. Her parents figure she will never marry or have a boyfriend, so they want me to come solo to give Lisa the impression that I’m single. Basically, they want me to be a pretend boyfriend for Lisa. If I come with Hannah, that will make her jealous. I’m really not comfortable with this. Lisa is a nice girl, but I dont like that I’m tricking her into thinking I’m someone that I’m not. It’s scummy to make someone believe I’m her boyfriend when I’m not. Plus what if Lisa meets Hannah in the future and finds out we’re together? She’s already gotten into trouble in her adult care group for fighting with another girl over a guy. I told Kyle and his fiancée Clare that I’m not okay with thjs. They told me I need to suck it up for a day because this will mean a lot to Lisa. I’m not comfortable playing pretend boyfriend, especially for someone who thinks we are the real deal. I want to drop out at this point. Wedding is two weeks away. WIBTA? Edit: you guys are right, this is really fucked Il. I called Kyle just now and told him we need to talk. Face to face. I’ll update if anything happens. Edit2 6:51pst: I’m about to confront Kyle. Pray for me. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13maq06/wibta_for_dropping_out_of_a_wedding_when_its_two/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)** May 20, '23 date recovered with unddit. The updates were added as edits in the original post. &nbsp; Edit3 8:25pst: I’m going to need some time to calm down. My “friendship” with Kyle is over. And whoever said that I got roped in because Lisa had a crush on me, you win. I’ll fill you in when I’ve had a moment. I feel sick right now. Edit 4 12:52pst: I think I can say what happened earlier this evening. The more I read everyones answers, the more I realized this was really fucked up. I already had a feeling that this whole Lisa wedding date situation was messed up but reading everyones comments reinforced it. I told Kyle that we had to talk and he agreed. We met at his house. Clare was there, Lisa wasn't (thank God). Basically, I told them I was dropping out of the wedding. I told them that setting me up as Lisa's fake boyfriend was beyond messed up. What do they think was going to happen after the wedding? Was I supposed to continue this charade or dump her, break her heart and be the "bad guy"? Clare tried to explain what was happening. Something about how Lisa was upset and angry that she wasn't the one getting married. That wasn't the part that pissed me off. No, want to know why I got offered up? Its because Lisa loves K-pop and is obsessed with Asian guys. I'm Japanese-American. So that's why I got roped into being her fake date, and not my single friend who has to rely on Tinder to find someone. It's all some sick attempt at making Lisa feel better by hooking her up with the only Asian guy they knew. At that point, I had enough. I told Kyle and Clare that it was over. I wasn't going to the wedding. I never wanted to speak or see them again. There was a lot of screaming and crying. Clare asked me why I would do this to her sister. I barely even know Lisa except for the few times that were wedding related. And that's where things stand. I don't know if they're going to try and paint me as the bad guy who broke Lisa's heart. I already told the guys that I'm not coming and why. Who knows what the fallout from that will be. I spent the rest of the night trying to get a grip on myself. I still feel kind of queasy from this whole thing. This feels like one sick joke. I feel bad for Lisa because while I got out, she's still stuck with that shitty family. I think I'm going to spend Saturday trying to put this behind me with beer and a Brooklyn 99 marathon. Thank you guys for your help. At least I know there are people out there who also think this is a terrible fucking idea. Oh, I also asked why not hook up Lisa with Tucker (the single friend using Tinder for dates)? It's because she said he was too ugly and hated his beard. I'm not going to tell Tucker that, he's going to find out eventually. &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as OOP has ended the friendship.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

WIBTA for dropping out of a wedding when it’s two weeks away?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/145l42x/wibta_for_dropping_out_of_a_wedding_when_its_two/

145yvnw

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/suknadixem96 **My dad was drunk and my stepmom packed up and left for good. Where do i go?** **Originally posted to** r/Advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!domestic violence, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation and alcoholism!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/13u5er0/my_dad_was_drunk_and_my_stepmom_packed_up_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 28, 2023** I don’t feel comfortable living with my dad alone, my older, stronger sibling (my guardian angel) recently moved several states away. It sounds bad but in the event my dad got too drunk and violent (never happened until now) my stepmom was there to take the punch and at least give me time to run. Now shes gone and it’s just me and my cat. I cannot be there alone, but me leaving could make him even more mad. I have 2 options, take my cat and go to my boyfriends house with his parent’s permission, or leave my cat and go to a friend or my grandmothers house where my dad can locate me. No one knows where he is right now, but if he comes home to an empty home with all the pets and kids gone i don’t know how he’ll react. It could make things worse, but if i stay home and wait for him and I’m the only one there I’m scared of what he could do. He’s not only a pathetic drunk, he’s a big, buff man. He hates my cat, so i’m scared if i leave him there my dad can hurt him. On the other hand my cat is very skittish, he’d hate being transported. I just need to know what i should do, i have a few hours to decide as im out of town. UPDATE: i got me and my cat to my boyfriends house, my cat as expected freaked out and is very upset by the forced move but he’s going to be okay. Im waiting for my dad to realize we’re gone so i can see what his reaction is and monitor what i need to do from there. My stepmom announced she’s separating her and the kids entirely from my dad. I don’t know how to work up the guts to tell my dad I won’t be coming home, his reaction will be visceral. My bio mom is coming to bring me money. My boyfriend’s parents agreed to take me in and there is a spare room in case this move is permanent. (Or at least until my boyfriend is 18). Thank you for the advice, i’ll update one more time when I officially have things sorted :) [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/13z8ycj/update_my_dad_was_drunk_and_my_stepmom_packed_up/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 3, 2023** Hello everyone :), this is the last update i have to share and it’s good, i swear. I’ve permanently left my dads house with my cat and we have both settled in nicely with my boyfriend and his family. I picked up all of my belongings today, and told him my dad why i was leaving. He tried his hardest to guilt trip me into staying but i shrugged at him and left, his birthday is tomorrow and thats when I’m returning to grab the rest of my belongings. He’s completely and utterly broken, it sounds cruel but because of him my entire body is scarred, my mind is ruined and my cat is traumatized. I regret not having the strength to leave sooner, but I had to wait for him to become nonviolent. I hit him while he was down, i held a lot of guilt within me for that. I considered going back if he apologized or swore to change, but in the end he didn’t hug me, he didn’t tell me he loved me, he didn’t apologize, not even a goodbye. I actually uncovered some texts between him and my old stepmom, he explained he put her above all of his kids and he was glad i was moving out soon so they could have their own family. Seeing that made me glad i left. Things are great over here, i have a job all lined up and i can start recovering and building up savings for graduation next year. This communities advice helped me tremendously, i likely would’ve made a horrible mistake without the push from so many people. His kids have all been removed from him, i luckily didn’t need to call cps or get authorities involved. My cat is doing a good job getting used to his new environment, he’s been braver than ever and I’m so, so proud of him. I’ll post a picture of him in the comments, thank you all again :) [OOP pays the cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/Gdi4CLE) **(OOP posted 4 pictures of their orange cat)** Picture 1 - cat sleeping on OOPs arm Picture 2 - OOP and the cat snuggling Picture 3 - OOP using the cat as a pillow Picture 4 - cat takes a selfie **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My dad was drunk and my stepmom packed up and left for good. Where do i go?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/145yvnw/my_dad_was_drunk_and_my_stepmom_packed_up_and/

1465j9m

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/yeahyea74 in r/confessions trigger warnings: >!Insecurity, body image, sexual performance, derogatory comments, emotional distress!< mood spoilers: >! Dampened mood, feelings of insecurity!<   [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/13r7iai/i_overheard_my_girlfriend_making_fun_of_my_penis/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thursday, May 25, 2023   I (19m) moved in with my girlfriend (19f) last month, this is my first time ever living with someone else other than my parents and it has been so good, I’ve never felt more loved and respected by a woman in my life. Until, earlier today I got off work early.. my girlfriend was getting back from the gym and I was sitting in our bedroom playing video games.. she wasn’t aware that I was home and was talking on the phone with one of her friends I assume, I got pretty nosy and took my headset off to have a listen. I couldn’t make out everything she said because I’m almost deaf in one ear, but I did hear her say “It’s not what I prefer, he’s on the small side and I don’t really get much from the sex.” She then laughed a bit and went onto say “but i’ve never been with a better guy, he’s funny and makes me laugh so being with him makes it all worth it” I started to get a very sick feeling in my stomach after she said this. I was a virgin until I met this girl, not because I didn’t ever have a chance, but because I was too insecure of my size. I expressed this to her in the beginning of our relationship and she comforted me and reassured me that she didn’t care if it was small, and that she loved me for me. Eventually her nice comments of reassurance helped me to be fully comfortable being naked around her. I felt so comfortable to the point I even started to make jokes about my penis size on my behalf in front of her. Before she realized I was home, I put my headset back on to make it seem that I didn’t hear a thing. I’ve tried to brush this off but I honestly just feel like crawling in a hole rn.. I don’t feel as comfortable anymore, it sucks so bad to know that i’ll never be able to pleasure my girlfriend. She asked me if I wanted to have sex tonight, but I just lied and told her that I had a headache and that work left me feeling exhausted.. she looked a bit dumbfounded by my response and seemed kinda upset because I have never turned down sex. I just feel very sad right now.. 😢 EDIT: I’m going to confront her about it tonight.. I love this girl and want things to work out, but idk if I can get over this easily, i’m still very very upset and the thought of having sex with her rn just makes my dick go limp. It’s like the amount of insecurity I had over it prior to being with her is right back to when I first started to feel self conscious about it. Hopefully the talk goes well. &#x200B; *Relevant comments:* buzzybeeking >The point is, your personality is better than great sex is to her. I'm not exactly sure why you were caught off guard, when you already make jokes to her about the size of your penis. You do realize there are many other ways to give your girl an orgasm without sex right? If it doesn't bother her, then it shouldn't bother you. Accept what you have been given, and learn new skills in the bedroom. Not every girl can even have an orgasm from dick alone. **OOP replied:** >It wouldn’t hurt so much if she hadn’t made that comment behind my back. + it’s honestly pretty embarrassing to think that all of her friends probably know that i’m small. I was comfortable enough to tell her about my insecurity and then she goes and tells someone else that I would have never shared this information with. ShoCkEpic >if she asked for it? lol , means she likes it dumbo!!!dude???? SHE WANTS IT! it doesn’t matter if you have a big or small or micro, or no dick at all!!! if she wants it! don’t you get it? OOP replied: >I get what you’re saying, but there’s another possibility. does she enjoy it? or does she just want to feel desired? I honestly don’t know. [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/13s575n/i_overheard_my_girlfriend_making_fun_of_my_penis/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Friday, May 26, 2023 So a lot of the replies made it clear that they wanted an update once I confronted her, if you don't know what i'm talking about, look at my last post. This all happened a little over 3 hours ago. She's been out with her mother all day, it was her mother's birthday and they went shopping/out to eat together. So I texted her while she was gone to let her know that I wanted to talk to her about something tonight when she got back, read, no response. When she got home she was frustrated with me because she said that she wasn't able to be "fully present" with her mom towards the end of the night, she was too worried about what I needed to discuss. I started to explain to her that I overheard her conversation on the phone yesterday, asked who she was speaking to and didn't allude to the detailed reason why I was having this conversation yet.. I could tell she was a bit embarrassed and got a bit defensive. Then she basically just told me that I didn't have any right to listen to her private conversations and that it was her sister she was talking to. She was right, I had no right to be nosy and told her I was sorry for butting in. I'm terrible with confrontation, but I eventually told her what I had heard and she just started to laugh a bit awkwardly and didn’t have a response for a second, she eventually responded and told me that her sister had asked about my "what I was packing" and then brushed it off as girl talk.. I then told her that I didn’t feel comfortable that she was sharing my size with her sister or whoever else she has told and then I asked her if she really meant what she said "is my dick not big enough for you?" "is the sex not good?" Regrettably I started to get emotional while asking her for 2 different reasons: I wanted an honest answer, but I was afraid of the response. Also, I was just very embarrassed that I was having a conversation over this matter. I started to cry and she just laughed in a sympathetic tone and started to hug me like I was a baby or something. She told me "it's perfect" and that she loves "the little guy" lol. She reassured me that she wouldn't discuss it with anyone again for future reference, I hope she's telling the truth. I was sobbing and I don't even really know why. I feel like such a pussy rn and i'm sure ya'll are thinking the same thing too. I guess it's a good thing I could tell she genuinely felt bad though. I didn't mention this in the prior post, but I received head freshman year from a girlfriend in high school. I eventually ended up breaking up with her shortly after and she spread the pics that I had sent her while we were together.. and basically just told everyone how small it is. I was insecure of my penis before this, but that took it from insecurity to a high level of self hatred. My girlfriend doesn't know this happened. I've never felt comfortable confiding this in anyone. I think my issues pertaining to this topic has a lot to do with that situation. After this we just watched our show (breaking bad lol) she fell asleep and I took a shower. I just got out and typed all of this up. I feel like a pussy after crying to her and making myself seem too fragile. She was apologetic, but I kinda almost wish I wouldn't have had this conversation. I know a lot of people were telling me to leave her, I wish it was that simple, but I am deeply in love with this girl and I don't want to just throw it all away. I would say it was a red flag and a lack of respect, but I also take in account that we're both so young and people say stupid things sometimes. I think i'm going to continue to give this relationship a shot. I also saw where people were suggesting I try to eat her out, i've never done it, but would be willing. Is it something you can just look up and learn to do? Or will it be different for every woman? I think I might discuss toys being included in too, if that's something she wants. EDIT: I can't respond to all the comments because there are too many, but I just want to thank everyone for being nice and giving me great advice, even if I disagree with a few replies, I know it all comes from a good place and I really appreciate that. Also, thanks for giving me suggestions to up my sex game and trying to reassure me that having a small penis isn't exactly too bad.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I overheard my girlfriend joking about my insecurities

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1465j9m/i_overheard_my_girlfriend_joking_about_my/

146cskw

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/pqsp in r/AskMen trigger warnings: none mood spoilers: >!positive!<   **Guys, I fucked up. This amazing man has told me he's falling in love with me. I haven't told him I'm a trans woman. Should I just run away?** \- 2/23/2014 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1yrqr3/guys\_i\_fucked\_up\_this\_amazing\_man\_has\_told\_me\_hes/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1yrqr3/guys_i_fucked_up_this_amazing_man_has_told_me_hes/) He's charming and sweet, and handsome and romantic, and thoughtful, and everything basically a girl could want from a guy. He has a degree, a great job, is career oriented, wants a family, a serious relationship....**we're the same age**^(26&27). But I neglected to tell him I'm trans. I KNOW that I can't keep this from him any longer, I've already delayed having sex with him because I haven't had bottom and I didn't want him to find out. He found me, courted me, everything. It sucks guys. What do I do? I guess what I really want to know(because I assume most of you probably hate me by this point) is what would you do if the girl you were falling in love with came clear and told you she was trans? **I feel like I should just run away?** Would that be best? thanks r/askmen updatesss **hey** r/askmen **thanks for taking the time to share you suggestions; and at times hilarious and dejected commentary; but none the less, still very insightful. I'll post an update soon and let you guys know what happens.** **ps, if you hate me now because of this thread, ya know, maybe in twenty years shit will pan out, but until then since we'll all eventually die anyway, i'm going to make my self happy in the meantime. peace and love** \--- Top Comment: >If you run away, he'll be confused and hurt. If you tell him the truth... well, he might be hurt, he might be angry, he might be accepting, there are all sorts of possibilities and few of them are good. > >I'll say this, though: running away might spare your own feelings, but it won't spare his. &#x200B; 2nd Top Comment: >Unfortunately, as a transwoman, you need to be upfront when you're starting relationships with men. (At least, from my perspective as a cismale. I really have no idea whether my opinion is standard in the trans community, or if my opinion is considered transphobic.) One concerning thing is the fact that he wants a family. Typically, when men say that, they're not thinking of adoption. It's probable that he wants children that are biologically his. And you shouldn't run away from him. You should accept responsibility for your actions, and explain yourself to your SO. You like this man a lot and he deserves the truth. By running away, the only person you're serving is yourself. > >Now, if it turned out that the girl I was dating and loved came out that she was really a transwoman, I would be extremely hurt, confused, and probably angry. For me, personally, being a transwoman is a deal breaker. **But I'm not your boyfriend, so don't assume that it's a dealbreaker for him too** > >And I don't hate you at all. I'm sympathetic and I feel bad for you. I don't feel bad for you because there's anything wrong, inherently or otherwise, with being a transwoman (Duh, there obviously isn't anything wrong with it!). I feel bad because you're in a situation like this, where you feel like you have to hide who you are from people, in order to date. This is a situation I totally relate to -- this hiding who you are business, out of fear that no one in their right mind would want to be with you. u/pqsp (OOP): I don't know why but your comment made me cry. Thanks for a well thought out reply. \--- **I'm that trans woman who neglected to tell her BF and I asked you all for advice. Did you guys want an update?** \- 2/28/2014 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1z6sdm/im\_that\_trans\_woman\_who\_neglected\_to\_tell\_her\_bf/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1z6sdm/im_that_trans_woman_who_neglected_to_tell_her_bf/) Here's my OP: Guys, I fucked up. This amazing man has told me he's falling in love with me. I haven't told him I'm a trans woman. Should I just run away? \[link removed\] The most common pieces of advice **almost all of you had**: Was not to disappear, not to just run away. Be honest with him and own up to it Be prepared for the worst I'm actually trying to keep this post short, and if there's any questions about the dynamics, feel free to ask. The discussion started with us listing off the reasons why we are attracted to each other, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. After, I came out to him. He said his mind was blown and that his entire world view was turned upside down. That he never, ever, imagined anyone could do this, and that he felt bad saying that but his image of trans people was NOT me. He never yelled at me once. He never cussed at me once, he asked questions that were important to him and assured me they weren't to "study me" but were because he wanted to know my soul. I have so much respect for this man.... He asked about my youth, when I first knew, when I transitioned, etc. I told him everything. In the end one of the most mature things he admitted was I had everything to lose. He recognized how much I cared for him and that I cared enough to tell him the truth when it could have meant losing the guy I am falling in love with. I'm so happy, and I really want to say thanks r/AskMen I really needed the "guys advice" for this situation. I don't know what I would have done without your community. Thanks ;)  \--- Top Comment (Editor's note, added comments per feedback in this thread) : &#x200B; >So you are still together? If so, congratulations! u/pqsp (OOP): yes :) thanks! &#x200B; >Wow, he sounds like an amazing person. I think I'm a pretty good guy, and I think I would have ran! I think most men would have!You're lucky he doesn't want kids. Well...I guess adoption is always an option. &#x200B; u/pqsp (OOP): He does want kids. So do I. We both think adoption is beautiful and I'm positive that if in the future we end up getting married we would definitely adopt. \--- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP asks: Guys, I fucked up. This amazing man has told me he's falling in love with me. I haven't told him I'm a trans woman. Should I just run away?

CONCLUDED

c0ff33c0ff33c0ff33

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146cskw/oop_asks_guys_i_fucked_up_this_amazing_man_has/

146dcrl

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwingawey6 in r/offmychest trigger warnings: >!cheating, mental illness!< mood spoilers: >!depressing, son has not learnt anything!< &#x200B; [I broke my son and his girlfriend up and he doesn't know it was me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13vnukk/i_broke_my_son_and_his_girlfriend_up_and_he/) \- 30th May 2023   &#x200B; I (F49) broke my son and his girlfriend up. They had been dating for almost a year, and seemed very happy. For backstory, my son (19) moved out pretty soon after his biological father passed. He told me he wanted to expand on life, because he was nervous he would waste it away being depressed over the death of someone so important to him. I understood completely and allowed him space and freedom, but we talked daily and he visited all the time. After a while of living alone, he moved back. It was around this time that he introduced me to Kaylee (fake name). Me and Kaylee got along immediately - she lacked a mother in her life, and I think she was quick to establish that relationship with me. Off the bat I noticed she was extremely paranoid and had extreme trust issues, but she wasn't toxic or manipulative, just anxious about where my son was going after work. She'd ask me and I'd answer with "He went to his friend Mike's house, they hangout to play playstation with each other." We both genuinely believed that my son was at Mike's house, and we had no reason to suspect he wasn't. &#x200B; One night, after my son came home to pick up his ps4 to hangout with Mike, Kaylee asked me to pickup some tampons and tylenol for her. She lived close and her periods were always super intense so I was used to going out late into the night to help her. My son gets out of work at 4:00 and is usually home or at Kaylee's place by 5:30, 6:00 at the latest. It was 6 and he hadn't swung by to drop off his ps4 so I shot him a text before I left the house to let him know why I was gone. It was something like, "Hey, Kaylee is on her period so I'm heading out to grab supplies. You okay?" He answered me while I was driving, and I checked it when I got to the store. It was something like, "Yeah, I'm fine! Mike needed help building a shelf he bought so I'm staying a little later." I sent back some message saying okay, be safe, all of that mother stuff. &#x200B; But I was not ready to see Mike, working the cash register, smiling at me as soon as I walked in. I hadn't forgotten he worked here, but obviously, figured it was his day off. I smiled back, but immediately I felt sick to my stomach. I tried to rationalize it. Maybe he means he is building it for Mike, while he works? I couldnt even think straight. I just got the tampons, some snacks and tylenol for Kaylee and went to the register. Mike obviously started small talk with me. Paraphrasing because my memory is bad, but it went something like this: &#x200B; *"Hi Mrs. \[last name\]"* *"Hello, Mike."* *"How are you doing?"* *"I'm alright. Getting some supplies for my sons girlfriend."* *I remembered he laughed. "Speaking of your son, I haven't seen him in a few weeks. I need him to give me my ps4 controller he borrowed, can you tell him that?"* *I felt sick again. I didnt want to put my son in the spotlight so I didn't mention the stories my son had been feeding me. I just smiled and said, "I'll let him know."* &#x200B; I paid for my stuff and left quickly. I drove to Kaylee's house and gave her the supplies, but I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. She was smiling and laughing, and looked carefree. She asked me where my son was. I couldnt lie to her, I couldn't. So I answered honestly - I don't know. I didnt know where he was, or who he was with. I just told her to call him and ask. She thanked me and I left her house. Later that night, at around 8 pm, my son finally came home. I didnt say much to him, just asked him if he had fun. He said yeah, and went to his room. I knew I had to tell Kaylee. Soon after, I went into my room and called her. I informed her of what Mike had said, and how late he had gotten home. She told me that he said he was home hours ago, just tired so he wasn't going to visit. I could tell she was crying, and I asked her if she wanted me to come over. &#x200B; I went to her house and we talked about everything, and she told me she didn't want anything to do with him, and wanted to break up with him immediately. I told her she could, and if she wanted, she could be honest and say I told her. After I comforted her for a few hours, she asked if she could still contact me, even if she wasn't with my son. I said yes, but honestly, I'm hesitant about it. I love her, but it feels off to me. I would still help her, though. &#x200B; Fast forward a few days and my son comes crying to me that Kaylee broke up with him and isn't giving him any reason. I, of course, comfort him too. He said that she "needed time to think about it" and "would tell him why when she knows what to say" but for now, she is supposedly speechless. I was too, so I don't blame her. He cried for hours in his room, and in my arms, and regardless of what he did, of what I did, I comforted him. I want to tell him what I know, and I feel bad that he doesn't know. But Kaylee didn't tell him anything yet, so I might wait. Honestly? I feel stuck. &#x200B; This isnt just about cheating, even though I think he is. This is about trust, and how he is lying to me, and his girlfriend. We both know there is a possibility he isnt cheating, but he shouldn't have to lie if he has nothing to hide. &#x200B; I just wanted to say a few things: 1. I'm fairly new to reddit, but I've used it a few days mostly for hobbies over the years, and I'm sorry if my updates or the post itself was written poorly. 2. I agree I should've spoken to my son about it first, but I was emotional, and I felt betrayed. 3. I wont disclose anything but my son is probably mentally ill, and I've tried to get him therapy his whole life, but we ran into so many issues such as money and him not enjoying his therapist. I am going to discuss therapy now that I am financially stable, and I can support him in that. 4. The next update will be the last. I appreciate everyone who commented and supported me, and the ones who criticized me. I am not the perfect mother, I never will be, and I know I have my flaws. 5. Lastly, I am not okay with my son cheating. I may have worded it wrong but that is because I am biting my tongue when it comes to expressing how mad, sad and just grossed out I am. I truly don't think he realizes how much this hurts people, and I want him to be into therapy for that, too. Since he was little he has always hurt peoples feelings and never understand how it could have hurt them. &#x200B; **Comment from OOP about Kaylee:** &#x200B; >I absolutely will stay in her life, I just hope that it won't cause any drama moving forward, and I hope my son has an explanation for his behavior. I will make an update sometime within the following days but so far all I have found out is my son has sometimes ignored Kaylee for days on end with no explanation, and I haven't heard of it because she is a nervous person who avoids conflict. He also wants to invite a girl over for dinner tonight which he never does ever, and I find it suspicious but I'm hoping it is as friends. As for the lying, I have messaged Mike in hopes that he knows anything about my son. &#x200B; **Top comment from** u/heimbachae &#x200B; *You didn't break them up. Your son's lying did.* &#x200B; **Most important piece of missing information:** &#x200B; *Did Mike get his controller back?* &#x200B; **OOP replies to another comment from** u/gobblingoddess &#x200B; *"Allowed him space and freedom" sorry what? He was 19 you didn't allow that, the law did... I need to keep reading but I already see major red flags here 😬* *Alright read it fully, you are a terrible mother for trading in loving your son for loving his girlfriend. You have no idea what your son is doing in that time. You have no idea why he is hiding it from you or her. You made your own conclusions and instead of MOTHERING your SON you went and tattle taled on him to his girlfriend behind his back and are now keeping it a secret from him?* *No wonder your son is sneaky and manipulative, he learned it from his controlling mother. I know you probably mean well but this behavior is disgusting and you need to self reflect.* *AND BE HONEST WITH YOUR SON* *Edit; I'm honestly flabbergasted at all the comments telling this woman to go comfort some other person's child and not telling her to stop lying to and manipulating her son? OP cannot possibly be a good parental figure until she, herself, stops lying and manipulating. For the space and freedom, I meant limit my contact if necessary, which I did the first week or so. I understood he was mourning and from his childhood, he shuts everyone out, and I wasn't going to break his boundaries to allow myself in.* &#x200B; >I am going to post an update, but my son told me the truth today after him and his girlfriend spoke. He was indeed seeing another woman, and I told him if he was unhappy, he shouldn't cheat. I am not trading in my son, but this woman was planning on getting off the pill and selling her soul for my son, and I wasn't going to allow her to build her relationship off of a lie. My son and I spoke and he told me her trust issues and whatnot were too much for him and I told him I understand. His bio dad cheated on me and I don't bring it up to him since he passed but I will not allow a woman to get pregnant and live a life built on lies. He told me he was still in love with her and only cheated because she was on her period, and he does it once a month. &#x200B; [**OOP Gives An Update in the original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13vnukk/comment/jm7uve9/) **30th May 2023** &#x200B; Update: I wasn't going to make an update for a few days or weeks, but I took some advice from messages I got. I just wanted to clear a few things up first: I give my son space and freedom, but I wanted him to be able to take time from me entirely if he wished. Throughout his teen years, whenever he was upset, he would ask me to leave him alone. I would oblige but honestly if he didn't speak to me for more than 3 days I would just ask if he was okay. After his bio father died, I told him he could have a break from talking if he wanted, and I would wait for the okay to contact him. The break only lasted for maybe a week and he wanted to call me and visit. &#x200B; For the actual update, Kaylee decided to give him a call. She talked things out with her sister and decided to ask him. Apparently, he was cheating, but told her that it was because she was on her period and very sensitive to everything. He said he had done it 3 other times - all while she is on her period. She called me and told me before my son told me, but in his defense, he was busy explaining things to his girlfriend and now Mike who he accidentally wrapped into this. It's only 12 in the afternoon, and he wants to tell me in detail after work, which I told him was okay. &#x200B; He told me he was sorry for lying, and I told him it was okay but it hurt my feelings. I didnt meantion this in the post or to him but his bio dad cheated on me and that is why we are apart. He cheated on me before I was pregnant with my son, and for the first year of our marriage. I did not want my son to think that was okay. I talked to Kaylee and she is just head over heels for my son, and said if he promises not to do it again she would stay with him. I haven't told him that because that is not my business, they can talk about that. &#x200B; My son has sent me a few messages since about work, but he seems extremely sorry. I am a bit disappointed in him but I think it's because of what I went through and how hard being a single mother after the man you thought loved you just left. Kaylee said that she would try to be a more attentive girlfriend which honestly sucks to hear because this is not her fault. I am not going to dictate their relationship and tell her to find someone else but it does shock me that she can forgive. As much as I want to be mad at my son, I really can't. I've never gotten mad at him before and I think this situation just brought me back to everything that happened when he was little. I hope my son can learn from this. Tonight when we talk I'm going to be a little strict on him, obviously, but again he is an adult. If he says he is going to cheat on her, I cannot stop him. I really really hope he learns. &#x200B; Commentators are generally disappointed that Kaylee is willing to take him back and that is he lucky to get a second chance. A lot of people are upset he is blaming his cheating on her periods. &#x200B; **Top Comment from** u/never_give_urself_up &#x200B; *A bit disappointed? Listen, your son has cheated on his girlfriend at least 4 times in the last year, and has decided to pin the blame on her body. That is grossly unfair & abusive, and he needs to know that.* &#x200B; [**OOP then gives a final updates in the comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13vnukk/comment/jm8g1ac/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **30th May 2023** &#x200B; >I am getting him into therapy as soon as I can. As for their relationship, I advised him to put it on hold, because he told me that while he loves her, he wants to continue exploring his options. I want them both to be happy but I don't know how to tell them the sad truth. I think they need to be apart at least temporarily &#x200B; **One final update replying to comments** &#x200B; *So, who was the girl he wanted to bring around?* >An old friend from high school, he told me they talked a lot and really connected and wanted to be friends with benefits. Apparently he wanted to explore his options, but he says he is in love with Kaylee, so I'm not sure what he is going to do. &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as it seems the relationship with Kaylee is over despite her willingness to take the undeserving son back.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP breaks up her cheating son's relationship

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146dcrl/oop_breaks_up_her_cheating_sons_relationship/

146e8yr

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/SolidStateStarDust **in** r/TwoXChromosomes trigger warnings: >!Workplace harassment, unwanted advances, and emotional exhaustion.!< mood spoilers: >! frustration, anger, empowerment !<  [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/12d0k46/told_my_28_coworker_37m_to_fuck_off_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, April 5th, 2023 Today I finally had it. After a year and a half from almost constant gifts (liquor, food, coffee, household misc. Gift cards, food, etc.) AND constant messaging via slack and personal messaging I finally told my Co worker, who is my supervisor, and who likely lurks here, to fuck off.. I told him yet again that I'm uncomfortable with him basically acting as my "work boyfriend" and have asked formally to move offices. I hate being a woman. I hate that I have to constantly be on guard even during work against these types of things. I am fucking exhausted. That's all. Thanks. *Relevant Comments:* Gloclloud >Just make sure to record everything. All messages and take screenshots. If he is your supervisor, record any encounters. Protect yourself here. At work and at home because you can never trust how crazy people can be/become. OOP Replied: >Thanks, > >I realized how fucking ridiculous this was today. > >I came home and sobbed for an hour on my boyfriend after being talked at for 8 hours straight. > >I'm so fucking tired.. > >Everything is recorded in our slack messages except for the hours long rantings that we have when we're in person and not remote. > >I just want to be able to do my job and not worry about someone being overly favorable to me.. it's exhausting. > >He even mentioned to my manager in front of me "I'm not just talking her up for personal preference ( I feel like he is) . She's actually that awesome ( i literally just read....)!" > >I don't know how to feel valuable at this point aside from being someone thats just desirable to this dude. > >I don't feel worth a fuck. Idk. nhorning >Are you also really awesome at your job? It's possible he feels both things at the same time and is having trouble separating them out. ... Not defending him by the way OOP Replied: >I work hard and tend to go out of my way for customers or completing projects. It's odd to be constantly, every day, told how super awesome and amazing I am in this way. "Hey, good job." Would suffice, but instead I get a speech daily. > >It's almost infantalizing. > >It's like.. he's being overly complementary, and when I don't swoon over it he doubles down and mentions the same shit again later in the day or even in the same conversation DMDingo >Go to HR either way. This trail needs started now before he abuses his power and retaliates. OOP Replied: >Thanks. I'm explaining this right now to my partner, and how this is going to seriously fuck up my advancement in the field. Especially since now I am requesting to work in a separate field, other than the one I've been practicing in for the past year and a half. Sorry if this is not making any sense btw, I'm kind of tipsy this evening due to aforementioned stressors. Thank you nonetheless Edit: I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out and gave me support last night. I was really going through it and it was very kind of you all to extend yourselves to make a stranger feel heard. I feel less insane for feeling the way I was feeling and really appreciate the advice you all took the time to give me. ❤️   [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/130kr4z/update_told_my_28_coworker_37m_to_fuck_off_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, April 27th, 2023 TLDR; I wanted to make a follow-up post about me and my coworker, and talk about what changed after I enforced some boundaries, but I didn't notice how bad things were until I did. A few weeks ago I posted here talking about how I finally told my coworker to fuck off. Doing this was a giant relief but led to me noticing just how much this guy actually did bother the fuck out of me. I didn't intend for this to be a rant, so I apologize. The first thing I noticed is that I am no longer absolutely fucking exhausted at the end of the day. He no longer verbally badgers me for hours, I no longer walk into the office and get followed around and talked at before I clock in. Sometimes, even, he'd be outside "looking through his car" when I'd pull up so he'd walk into the building with me, already talking my face off. Now I can simply walk in to the office, put my food in the fridge without having to ask him to stand aside from the fridge door, and clock in without immediately having to "mmhm" and "uh huh" my way around someone. This alone is such a quality of life improvement I've actually been giddy at work. Additionally, but in the same vein, I do not get slack messages every 10-35 minutes, for 8 hours a day. I no longer want to throw something through a wall. After my post, I immediately moved desks into another colleagues office and he actually just lets me work. I can do my things at my desk (music, podcast, doodling, wear headphones, whatever) while working without it being commented on or being a commandeered interest. By "commandeered interest" I mean I would quietly play some music at my desk and he would come over and ask me which band it was. I told him, he said he'd never heard them before, and then the next week he comes in to the office and shows me that he bought every single one of their records. A band he heard about last week. Or he'd see me doodling on a piece of paper, and I'd come in to the office to see my entire whiteboard filled with his doodles. I no longer have to deal with being asked to go to get coffee with him, or go do some random thing with him. Random gifts, notes, printed memes or whatever are no longer on my desk, my whiteboard, or desktop screen anymore. I literally just get to come in to the office, everything is as I left it and it's not covered in evidence that he's been at my desk and in my space. The first day after I moved my desk, I actually got an entire year's worth of documents filed (something I've been trying to do for 6 months, but haven't been able to do because of the constant conversation or random side quest taskers like 'can you proof read my email, come with me to tech support, Yada yada) and I left work in a good mood for the first time in a long time. I didn't consume a coffee, a five hour, a monster energy and another coffee just to try and recharge my batteries from this fucking drain I didn't realize had such an impact on me. I can now make it through the work day on one cup of coffee, and no longer have to use caffeine as a coping mechanism. Anyway, the point of this post is that I thought these were the only things I asked for or set boundaries with, but he also reeled back on a few things I hadn't noticed he was doing purposefully. He stopped parking near me, and started parking where he used to when I first started working here. This shows me that he DID park next to me on purpose. He stopped forcing his way to walk me to my car (under the guise of walking to HIS car when I would protest.) To which I would then counter by waiting for the other women to get ready to leave and walk with them because it was making me uncomfortable in the first place. Honestly, writing this out I now realize I was playing defense constantly. He stopped trying to force me in to lunches with unbelievably frustrating conversations like: Him: Op, want to go grab lunch? Me: no thanks, I'm not hungry Him: you sure? I'll buy! Me: no thanks, I don't want you to grab me anything and I'm not hungry. Him: well, you can pick up some food to eat later? Me: no thanks, I'm good. Him: you could pick up food to bring to your partner? Me: dude seriously, I'm good. Or to turn lunch breaks into movie time, or come with me on walks during lunch, or asking me to drive somewhere together to pick up lunch and eat it together in his car while watching a show on his phone (when I was literally just trying to fucking escape this dude.) He stopped texting me while I was driving from work (after he walked to his car conveniently next to mine), memes every 20 minutes with some variation of "haha this is SOOOOOO you" tiktok or IG Reel or some group message from him to another Co worker talking about me in some jesting way. He stopped bringing me coffee, alcohol, food, sugar packets, random candles, random house shit, random office shit, random hobby shit. He stopped always having an expensive coffee (that I didn't ask for) on my desk (which is honestly huge for me, because I felt forced to accept the coffee everyone knew I liked, because if I declined and gave back the coffee, I'd have to explain the sole reason being that I did not want him to bring me shit, although I had asked him privately to stop a couple of times.) He stopped interacting with me when unnecessary (and I realized how unnecessary it is for him to interact with me.) Everything is just an email now and those have slowed. I no longer get updated on his every thought and it's fucking amazing. He does still send me emails with his daily "jobs" or "tasks" that are about 17 bullet points long. Every day (there's not that much work, it's mostly mundane shit.) But I can handle that. All in all, I am pissed that all of these little things slid under my radar. All of these things were disguised in a friendly, convenient, coincidental way and I didn't notice until it was too late and I was crying daily for what appeared to me as "no reason" I wrote all of this to say: check on how you're feeling and why. There may be some things flying under your radar that make you feel drained. I really didn't notice the things he did that bothered me, until I felt relief that he was no longer doing them. I also wanted to say thank you again to this awesome community for telling me I wasn't crazy and for showing support for what I was dealing with. Hopefully someone else searching for words to describe what they're going through sees this and feels some sort of relief that they're also not wrong for feeling the way they do. &#x200B;  *Relevant Comments:* mm172 >I am so happy for you, and so sad and angry you’ve had so much of your energy sucked away dealing with this for so long. OOP Replied: >In a way, it is a "wake up call" to me to not ignore my inner alarm bells and to probably be more wary of people you'd think you can trust by default. > >I'm glad everything finally came to a head and that I called the issues out, that it was recognized, and it went smoothly. The fact that it went smoothly kind of also tells me that he realized what he was doing in the first place. teatimecats >I ended up doing something similar lately, but in a social situation not a work situation. I’m here to validate you and support that conclusion: don’t ignore the alarm bells! > >It is okay to not be available whenever and wherever to people who are using you like a mommy, a girlfriend, etc. > >It’s not rude or wrong to set a harsh boundary with someone because they can’t, or won’t, control themselves. > >It’s not wrong to distance yourself from someone who overwhelms you and doesn’t listen to your polite requests for change in their behavior because they’re “just being friendly.” > >Your life is YOURS and it’s not your responsibility to make some lonely or unwell person feel better when they try to take over your life and do nothing to improve themselves. > >Kindness is important and good, but never feel bad about withdrawing that kindness when necessary to protect your peace and yourself &#x200B;  [Comment/Mini Update From OOP ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146e8yr/today_i_told_my_supervisor_to_fuck_off/jnudoid?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Today, I Told My Supervisor To Fuck Off!

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146e8yr/today_i_told_my_supervisor_to_fuck_off/

146ghdh

Originally posted by u/klimme56 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 16, '23 updated on May 28, '23. I have changed the initial to a fake name. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Toxic family, hints of possible alcoholism!< Mood Spoiler: >!Ends with progress!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12nwjz3/aita_for_not_wanting_my_girlfriends_mother_to/)** April 16, '23 &nbsp; AITA for not wanting my girlfriend's mother to move in with us? I (23M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been together for almost 6 years. We just moved into a house that I bought and own, a month and a half ago. I'm a first time homeowner and this is my first time living on my own away from my parents. She's been living in an an apartment for a few years prior to moving in here. We make enough to live comfortably, we bring home around $80k combined and as a result I was able to buy a pretty big house for the two of us, nearly the size of my parents home. I alone pay the mortgage and utilities, since it's my house. Girlfriend has been generous enough to buy groceries, subscriptions, etc. She also paid for some of the furniture we have when we moved in. The issue here came up about a week ago. Girlfriend's mom "Ann" isn't well off, she lived in a trailer with her boyfriend and they broke up a few months ago so she'd been living with her mom and mom's husband. Ann's mom died a couple of weeks ago from cancer, and now her mom's husband is kicking her out. She has the possibility of living with my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend (who live with the boyfriends parents), but Ann's been insistent on moving in with us. I am firmly against this. It's my house, I'm very much enjoying living on my own, and honestly, I don't want anyone else here. It's not my fault that her mom hasn't done anything to improve her financial situation, and I shouldn't be forced to endure her consequences of her actions. The fact that (to my knowledge) she isn't even looking at apartments, other trailers in that area, or a JOB just shows me that she intends to move in here and stay here. I can tell my girlfriend doesn't want that either, but wants to cave and ask me to allow it, though she's been avoiding the subject directly with me given the uncomfortable situation she's understandably in. I love her to death, but she's a massive pushover when it comes to her mom. She had me driving to Walmart to get food and cigarettes for her mom when we started dating, because her mom was too lazy to. My girlfriend's sister has been saying I'm an asshole because we have a bigger house, and can easily take her in. I told her outright, "it's not my mom, and not my problem", which caused her to throw a tantrum on the phone, and she accused me of trying to make her mom homeless. I've been feeling guilty, but I want to hold my ground. I don't want to enable her mom to sit around here all day drinking. So, AITA? &nbsp; *OOP gives more info in the comments:* >*Someone takes issue with him calling it "his" house, not "ours"* Although I love her and fully intend to marry her soon, for the lack of better words here, I didn't want to be the idiot who put his girlfriends name on the title, only for us to break up for some reason and have to deal with resolving that. If/when we get married and I let her start contributing to the mortgage, she'll be put on the title. I can understand your argument, but I do want to communicate here that I've been working since I was 14 to get to where I am now. I was able to put a ton down on the house to make my monthly payment pretty low compared to what I net per month. Her buying groceries and paying for Amazon Prime/Chewy for her dog is more of a gesture of goodwill, rather than a necessity. I could still afford to live by myself were she not in the picture. I never communicate to her about the house that way, but I do darn right think it, because I need to be prepared should we ever split. In my opinion it is my house, until she's on the title/mortgage, after we'd get married. I'm completely for equality in relationships but she didn't bust her ass working until 11PM every night as a farmhand at 14 y/o, lol . When I said that to her sister I was fed up after going back and forth for 45 minutes on the phone with her about this, I just honestly wanted to shut her down and end the call. I do acknowledge I could have handled that much better than I did. On the bit about the sisters sharing the responsibility...this financial situation isn't unique to my future MIL. As I mentioned, gf's sister lives with her boyfriend in the boyfriend's parents house. Gf is the first one in their family to graduate college, and the only one in that family that has a job paying above minimum wage. This caused a lot of resentment from gf's sister about my gf. I don't see them cooperating on a solution here, but I will try to propose it. . >*About being able to afford his house:* I've been working for nearly 10 years now. Was able to put nearly 40% down on the house, mortgage payment is very low compared to putting 3% down like people apparently usually do. . >*Person asks where they can find a house that affordable:* (don't) Come to the great state of PA! Where you can get a house on 5 figures but can't buy liquor on Sunday! . >*About the mom:* Mother is in her late 40s, and no disabilities that I'm aware of. She used to work in a meat processing plant before COVID hit, but she quit because she didn't want to catch it and hasn't had a job since. Nothing has been brought up about her contributing to the house. It's essentially been her attempting to guilt my girlfriend into letting her move in. As to her position, she doesn't want her moving in either. But as I mentioned, she doesn't know how to tell her mother 'no' so she's been stalling her mom. I don't think it would be the end of the world to her if I just came in with a resounding 'no'. This woman is in her late 40s, has no savings, has lived off of SNAP benefits since my gf can remember. She's done nothing to improve her financial situation. Spends what money she does get on beer and cigarettes. I don't want to be living with her. I don't want my nice house ruined by cigarette smoke. I don't want to take care of a lazy 40 something year old that doesn't want to act like an adult and get a damn job. . >*About the mom smoking:* And she won't take it outside! Before all this started, when we would go visit at Ann's mom's house, I would have to immediately wash all of my clothing in their own load to get out the smell. And if it wasn't obvious, the cancer that killed her mom was lung cancer. Currently taking my father as well, I'm really enjoying living in a smoke free home. &nbsp; *Judgment: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/klimme56/comments/13tsbf5/update_to_aita_post/)** May 28, '23 &nbsp; Update to AITA post Hey folks, a few people messaged me about an update to the post I made a while ago on AITA so here it is: My girlfriend (now fiance) and I are fine. We talked about it and agreed since it is my house, I would be the one to grow a pair and say 'no'. Her mom came up to visit (probably to scout out the house she thought she would be living in) and I laid it all out for her over dinner. After sitting down and having some small talk, I essentially said that under no circumstances would she be moving in with us, and that was that. She got pretty agitated, trying to guilt me with "what's the big deal? where will I go? I'll be on the street if you don't let me move in". I started to reiterate that it's not my/our problem, but I remembered some of the suggestions that the commenters on the original post gave, and suggested public housing, some local assistance programs like food pantries, etc. She still wasn't having it though. She's very entitled. She said it would be a lot easier (for her, of course. These people only think of themselves) if we just let her move in, she didn't want to go through the hassle of applying for public housing, she doesn't want to have to go to the food banks, stuff like that. We kind of went back and forth, talking over each other and it escalated to the point that I kicked her out. Didn't lay any hands on her, but I took her plate of food and threw it out, and told her to get the hell out of my house. She left, after some yelling, and my new neighbors saw the whole show of her cursing me out and peeling out of my driveway, chewing up some of my yard during the process. So that was fun. When the yelling started, my girlfriend retreated to our bedroom and after her mother left I went back in to find her crying. After giving her some time and cleaning up dinner (I didn't so much throw her mom's plate out as I did launch it at the trashcan, so it was everywhere) I went back in and we had a long talk about what happened. She told me I did the right thing, but I had scared her with all the yelling - she has a lot of childhood trauma, unsurprisingly, but I reassured her that her mom wouldn't be coming back, and this whole thing was over. So far, that's rung true. I suggested she give therapy a shot since her family is such a mess and she has a lot of baggage she could talk out and she agreed, only asking if I would attend some sessions with her, which I happily agreed to. She's been to 3 sessions so far alone, and a fourth one with both of us, and from what I've heard they've been going very well! So that's pretty much it. Her mother has pissed off back to the hole she came from, and hasn't bothered us since. Asked her to marry me last week and she said yes, so I'm looking forward to starting this new chapter in our lives - and no, her mother won't be invited to the wedding. Thank you all for your helpful comments and suggestions, they really helped me out. &nbsp; *Editing to add:* **I let OOP know that I would be sharing his posts and asked if he had anything to add. He just got back to me with this:** Don't really have any more to update, at least not yet haha. Haven't heard anything else from the wicked witch, thankfully. &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as OOP and his fiancée came to an agreement and Ann is not moving in* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for not wanting my girlfriend's mother to move in with us?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146ghdh/aita_for_not_wanting_my_girlfriends_mother_to/

146hant

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Entreprenuer512. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!The right choice is made!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/114tri6/aita_for_walking_out_of_an_event_when_my_fianc%C3%A9e/)**: February 17, 2023** I (F45) have a Fiancée (M55) who is retired military officer. I own a successful company I started 7 years ago and have a small staff of 25. I worked my way through college, paying as I went. Therefore, I graduated in my early 30s with a double major in Accounting and Business Management. I am very proud of that. For a little background: I worked hard for my degrees and have zero debt. I know it took me longer than the typical student going full time to college after high school. I worked full time to pay as I took classes. I went to Jr. College first then finished at a 4 year. I took 2 classes per semester...for a long time. But I finally made it!! I have been "teased" that jr. college isn't the same as going 4 years at a major university. Well, I am proud to have done both and feel the education I received at Jr. college was excellent. I worked as an Accountant for some large corporations, as well as programming and IT. I started my company doing similar support to large and small companies alike. I have a wonderful staff. I manage the contracts, kick off meetings, Sales and Consulting staff. I also do some of the consulting and most of the sales/contracts. My sister is my office manager, and I am blessed in so many ways to have her. I was dating my now fiancée before I started my company, and we recently got engaged. Everything seemed to be perfect, except he keeps introducing me as a bookkeeper. No disrespect intended to them or the profession. My issue is that I have worked hard to get where I am. I am an accountant, Graduate with a double major, and successful business owner. He could pick almost any other "title" to introduce me as, but he chooses "bookkeeper". I have asked him many, many, many times in private to stop calling me a bookkeeper as it implies to my clients and business associates that he doesn't respect me or what I have accomplished. He said he doesn't see the big deal or the difference and continues to do so. I recently pulled him aside and asked him to just introduce me as a consultant at the event we were going to. While there we were talking to a prospective client (for my company) and he says, "she has come a long way for a bookkeeper". I know my face had a full blush at that, excused myself and walked away. We had both driven there, so I got in my car and went home. (We both own our own townhomes). I sent him a text to let him know I was leaving and would talk to him later. He thinks I am over-reacting. My family thinks he is a controlling ass that doesn't respect me or women. I'm not sure what to think now. He seemed so supportive when we are together, but not when we are around other people. He tends to treat me like a subordinate, nice kid, playing with the adults. He does talk down to me in front of my family, but I always assumed he was 'joking' badly. So...AITAH for leaving and over-reacting? **Update (Same Post): February 22, 2023 (5 days later) (Web Archive)** EDIT: Update/ I had a conversation with him, after a few days. He feels I'm lucky to have him and need to listen to his advise more and not over-react. The attitude along with reading everyone's replies (Thanks!) I have called it off with him. I need someone who is proud of me and caring. My family responded by buying champagne. LOL **Update 2 (Same Post): February 25, 2023 (8 days from OG post) (Reveddit)** EDIT 2: Had another conversation with the ex-fiancée. "Now that I had time to get my emotions under control" He was willing to let it go. I laughed and told him I'm fine and so are my emotions. I told him about the post and that he should read the replies. Lets just say he was not happy. I did say no name were used, just Me, I and He. Here is the TOTAL SHOCKING PART: He wanted to know what I was going to give him for his help with MY Company. After the shock wore off, I handed him a dollar and walked away. Told the family and my Brothers wanted to pay him a visit. I told them I handled it and gave him a dollar. We all laughed, went to the store and got more champagne. God I love my Family!!!! **One final note in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/114tri6/aita_for_walking_out_of_an_event_when_my_fianc%C3%A9e/jefxvzh/?context=3)**: March 31, 2023 (1.5 months from OG post)** "Thanks, Yes I have called it quits with him. I know its not OK to treat me this way so no counselor needed, thanks. LOL. Life is good now and lots of weight off of my shoulders."

AITA For walking out of an event when my fiancée introduced me as a bookkeeper?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146hant/aita_for_walking_out_of_an_event_when_my_fiancée/

146hpx2

Originally posted by u/twistedelegance28 in r/AITAH on May 3, '23 updated on May 5, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!toxic relationship, brief mentions of surgery/hysterectomy!< Mood Spoiler: >!Happy ending!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/136x9va/bf_wont_take_time_off_to_help_me_after_a/)** May 3, '23 &nbsp; Bf won't take time off to help me after a hysterectomy Okay Reddit. AITA? My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We are both single parents and have chosen to not live together at this time. However, we do lots of sleepovers with the kids on weekends alternating between each house. I was recently diagnosed with a blood disorder and subsequently need to get a hysterectomy. My bf has a great job with PTO yet he says he can't drive me to surgery or pick me up or help me out afterward because he has to work. Late last year, he suffered some family trauma and without even asking I took time off to be there and be supportive. I'm upset that he won't do the same for me. I get the difficulty of single parenting and juggling work, life, home balance but I feel like he is being inconsiderate and unsupportive by basically telling me I am on my own for my surgery and he cannot show up in any way to be supportive. AITA? Am I being overly sensitive? &nbsp; **Edit:** Lots of questions... He works for the federal government. We each have a kid in grade school and he also has a 17 y/o. We live 5 miles from each other. My surgery arrival time is 5:30am so he can totally drive me, leave his kid at home asleep with the 17 y/o, go back home and take kid to school, and be back to the hospital in time before my surgery begins. We talked extensively before my surgery was scheduled about the help I'll need and he said he will take care of me because that's his job as my bf. His ex wife had a similar surgery so he is fully aware of how major this surgery is. My surgery needs to happen asap so I don't have much choice in picking a date. Once the doc told me what day they scheduled it bf said his day off wasn't until a few days later. He then said there's not much he can do and he said sorry. I finally told him I was upset about his response to helping me during my surgery to which he replied about how he has to work and take care of his kids so he thought I should find someone without responsibilities the day of my surgery to help out. I have no family within driving distance. They are all a plane ride away. I have had several friends step up to help as well as an ex bf offer help! Yet bf is too busy 😕 &nbsp; *In the comments:* >...it's something that, if you're a halfway decent person, you might consider doing for a friend-of-a-friend, just because it's the right thing to do. OOP: Exactly! I have done the same! I actually told him he wasn't just being an unsupportive bf but also an unsupportive friend. >NTA, but he is. What kind of relationship do you have where you can support him, but he can't support you? If he is unwilling to help you out after major surgery, what is he going to be like in a real crisis? Good luck. OOP: You're right. And this seems to be his MO and the dynamic in our relationship. He will be supportive only when it's convenient for him. >is there any possibility there is a good reason? Like he has medical PTSD or his mom died after a hysterectomy or he is terrified of blood? OOP: Nope. No reason like this at all. >There is an AH here, but it’s not you. 3yrs? This uncaring behavior had to have manifested before I would guess. Did you just refuse to acknowledge it? OOP: I made excuses for it. I tend to always give people the benefit of the doubt which sometimes bites me in the ass. . There are many great qualities to him. However, he is only an equal partner when it's convenient. And that con was rapidly becoming a deal breaker. His response to my hysterectomy is the nail in the coffin for me. *General consensus is not the asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.unddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/136x9va/bf_wont_take_time_off_to_help_me_after_a/)** May 5, '23 *date recovered on unddit* &nbsp; **Update:** I expressed how I feel to bf. He gave me a laundry list as to why it's so hard for him to help me out (he has a job and is a single dad and he said that people only help when they dont have anything on their plates) but he sees his mistake and will now help me. He is now giving me the silent treatment because he I "pissed him off" by calling him out. For me, the relationship is now over. **Update 2**: Relationship is officially over! He actually broke up with me before I could break up with him. He was so angry about me calling him out and expressing how hurt I was that he ended it. I agree with you all, I deserve so much better. I'm a little mad at myself for putting up with less than I deserve for nearly 3 years. That's directly related to my wounding and I will take this time to be single and work on myself so I can be my best self in the next relationship. This isn't the first time he's acted like an unsupportive jerk, but it sure as hell was the straw that broke the camels back for me. Thanks for the feedback reddit! And thanks for being more supportive than my EX boyfriend! &nbsp; *In the comments after the updates:* >Drop him like a hot potato. He’s pleading his single parent issues to a single parent? Jerk. I can see why he’s single. Run! You’re worth more than this a$$. OOP: Right!? I have a job and a kid too! And I'm a single parent too! I feel like he thinks he is a special case because he's a single dad. Sorry, but single dads and single moms are going through the same struggle. . >Listen the 1st time someone let's you know just how important you are to them OOP: Exactly! He said he was sorry and then asked me what more do I want from him. I told him that was not a real apology and it was really a dick thing to say. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

Bf won't take time off to help me after a hysterectomy

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KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146hpx2/bf_wont_take_time_off_to_help_me_after_a/

146ijym

I am NOT OP. Editor's note: This is my 2nd time trying to post this. I messed up the first time because I forgot a trigger warning and also the post cut off and I did not notice. Long post ahead! Original post by u/that_guy_ronald in r/AskWomen trigger warnings: >!biphobia!< mood spoilers: >!overall positive !< **How should a transgender man approach a woman without freaking her out or scaring her off?** \- 7/11/2012 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/wdzha/how\_should\_a\_transgender\_man\_approach\_a\_woman/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/wdzha/how_should_a_transgender_man_approach_a_woman/) I'm a transman (meaning that I was born with female genitalia but have transitioned into a man), I have undergone hormone therapy (giving me a deep voice, facial hair, and other masculine physical characteristics), and have had "top surgery" (a surgery that removes breast tissue and gives me a flat chest). What I'm trying to say here is that no one, not even people that knew me as a kid, are able to tell me apart from biological males... this means I "pass" as a man well. I'm also a manly man and, more or less, your typical red blooded American male. I like fast cars, beer, big cuts of meat, and very feminine women. This, I feel, is applicable to mention as I'm trying to explain that I'm not looking for a women that fits in the middle, like a bisexual woman. I'm attracted to very straight women. As a man, it should be obvious as to why I would want to date a woman who solely likes men. I've always been in relationships with women who have gotten to know me as a trans man because I was still in the process of going through my changes (kind of like puberty but in my 20's). Now, however, I have moved to a new city and state and my previous relationship has ended and I'm now ready to start getting back into the dating world. I've never been more confident with who I am and what I want in a woman. The problem comes in when I actually start talking to women. My last relationship was very strained because she was unable to come to terms with the way I was born and what I could or could not give her (either sexually or even in terms of being able to give her biological children). As soon as it was made clear to me that she was not going to be able to accept who I am, I ended the relationship; however this left me a little scared and I feel it may be impacting my insecurities of dating new women. So, I have never really dated women without them already knowing that I'm a transman. I'm concerned that if I tell a women right away that I'm a transman she will run away screaming, but then if I tell her after a few dates she will feel lied to and find me dishonest or something along those lines. Opening up about my transgender past and identity is very scary and more often leads to rejection than acceptance in the dating world, so I would rather get it out of the way sooner rather than later. So, the problem I constantly face is, how can I approach women in a way that isn't dishonest but also doesn't send them running? And also, when would it be a good time to lay it all on the line? Since there aren't that many transmen in the world (about .25% of the US population or about 700,000 people, and that is probably a generous estimate) so it is unlikely that any of the woman I approach will have experience with transgender people, let alone transmen. Thank you for any insight you can give me; I really appreciate it! Edit: I am very grateful for the insight everyone has offered. Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback. tl;dr : No one knows I'm a transgender man (FTM), how do I approach women and when is the right time to tell them I'm a transman? Comment: &#x200B; >I find it odd that you're not open to a bisexual woman. As someone who's a gender/sexual minority yourself, you should realize that stereotypes and oppressive gender roles don't help anybody. Many bisexual women are exceptionally feminine and are not detectable as queer unless they say it. Many lesbians are too, not that this applies in your case. Are you turned off by bisexuality itself or just by masculine traits? I'm a lesbian myself in a committed gay relationship, and I wear dresses, everybody assumes I'm straight, etc. > >Some women desperately want bio children, some are transphobic, some are ignorant or immature, and some are simply uncomfortable with the idea. I'm really sorry you have to face that, but I think there will be a lot of rejection from people whose stance you didn't know (or who didn't know about you) prior to dating. Bisexual women might even be a great bet because they're less likely to be turned off that you don't have a penis. I think the first few dates is good, maybe not the very first or second if you're nervous (might as well find out if you like the girl first anyway!) but quite early on. &#x200B; Reply from u/that_guy_ronald (OOP): &#x200B; >I am, personally, very turned off by bisexual women. It would be so much easier for me to be able to look at that group of women as potential girlfriends, however, my own feeling get in the way. Not that I haven't tried to date bisexual women. I have, many times, and they tend to end badly. However, I have not dated a bisexual woman since my full transition, so it may very well be an entirely different experience. To be honest, every time that I had dated a bisexual woman I was unnerved by the idea that she would be attracted to parts of me that I found revolting, and in all of the woman that I dated this turned out to be true and led to the end of the relationship. I understand that beggars can't be choosers, but at the same time, I am at just as much liberty to be picky as any cisgendered man. &#x200B; \--- **UPDATE: How should a transgender man approach a woman without freaking her out or scaring her off?** 5/6/2013 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1dtjok/update\_how\_should\_a\_transgender\_man\_approach\_a/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1dtjok/update_how_should_a_transgender_man_approach_a/) Alright, so my original post was made over 9 months ago. A lot has happened since then, some good stuff and some not so good stuff, but in the end mostly good stuff... A summary of my last post: I was born with a female body but I am a man, which makes me a transgender man (FTM); though to be accurate and honest, I mostly reject my trans-ness and identify as a man. Plain and simple. After a pretty shitty relationship and break up I decided to start dating again but didn’t know how to approach the issue of being transgender. I am very comfortable with my body and have a strong preference for straight, very feminine women. This preference had not worked out well for me so far and lead me to get turned down a lot. My question to r/AskWomen was how I could approach women and inform them of my “situation” without putting them off or scaring them off. Alright, so how have the last 9 months gone? Well, not too long after I made that post I kind of got into a friends with benefits situation with an ex-girlfriend of mine from college. We provided each other with a lot of emotional support and had sex whenever I was in town (it was long distance, but she is going to school in my hometown so I visited frequently). It was mostly a crutch and it wasn’t a very satisfying sexual relationship. I fapped a lot, per usual. While I was doing that whole FWB thing, up until the new year, I was keeping my eye open to possibilities. I started getting out of my shell a lot more, which was a challenge in and of itself, being in a new city and all. I would go out with my friends to break dancing clubs, burlesque shows, out to see local DJs and bands play, and just out to the bars. Basically, if there was something I wanted to do or see or experience, I wouldn’t hesitate to do/see/experience it. I treated approaching women the same way. If there was a woman that caught my eye I would approach her, buy her a drink, be suave and shit and I usually had a good conversation but didn’t feel enough of a connection to pursue it further. This might be because I wasn’t ready or because I my FWB crutch or because the girls just really weren’t all that great, who knows, but regardless nothing came of those adventures. Well, I wouldn’t say that nothing came of it. I got really good at just talking to women and ordering drinks and becoming friends with everyone, especially bartenders. Not to mention, I got to hang out with some of my friends and do cool shit, and doing cool shit is fun. **Relationship # 1** But one of my friends really wanted to set me up with her best friend. I was pretty skeptical about this from the beginning. Basically, I had hung out with this girl a few times at the bar or at a party and small talk was fine but she didn’t seem that, well, deep. Another thing, she mostly dates women. But, after my original post, I was more open to the idea of dating bisexual women. So, because this woman was a friend of a friend, she was already privy to the plumbing in my pants, if you follow me. No mystery, there. New Years Eve rolls around and we basically double date with our mutual friend. I kiss her at midnight, get her number, pay her tab, get wasted, dry out, and drive home. We make plans to go on a few dates and do. I do my lady-killer moves and she’s just... blah. Eventually we have sex and the first time it was good, and after that it was awful. The worst kind of dead fish situation. I’m not sure if she was intimidated or nervous, but she was never open to communication so it just sucked. I should have listened to my gut to begin with. I honestly don’t think she’s into guys and I think she has a misconception about what it would be like dating a transman. I am not at all some kind of androgynous, embrace-my-femininity kind of guy; I have all of the best and worst parts of being a man and I really don’t think she was into any of that. But hey, we all have preferences and I wasn’t hers and she wasn’t mine. By the time I realized that I was done it was less than a week before Valentines Day, so I decided to wait until after to break it off. Big mistake. She got weird and clingy and distant all at the same time and it was a bad two weeks. It’s over though, so, whew. When I realized that I was consistently dating this woman from NYE I had told my FWB that I was seeing someone and didn’t want either of them to get the wrong idea about the situation, meaning that I ended the FWB thing. But then, once things ended with the NYE woman I started talking to my FWB again. **Relationship # 2** This whole time I had an account on OKCupid, with nothing in my profile to suggest that I’m a transman. I opened the account when I was still in college, trying to meet people to hang out with once I moved, but no one ever messaged me (which was frustrating) and no one ever messaged me back (which is even more frustrating). I was only checking it about once a week for shits and giggles and getting back into the concerts, bars, and burlesque show routine, but then I got this message from this woman with awesome dimples and a beautiful smile. She actually messaged me about Reddit, of all things, and I later found out that she had searched specifically for redditors (so thank you, reddit, for doing me a solid there). Within two days out brief messages became pages long and we set up a date. Wasting no time! Based on our profiles and messages, it was inevitable that we would click right away, and of course we did. I took her out to a nice dinner, wine and dined her, did all my lady-killer moves and everything. Even though I was hella nervous (and so was she) we both had a great time. I kind of got ahead of myself and went for the kill. I asked her if I could kiss her, she said yes, and I did. I hadn’t disclosed yet that I was trans. I got back into my car and was basically yelling at myself. I had given myself that one rule: no physical intimacy before disclosure, based on my original post, and I broke it. This was the only time I broke that rule, and damned if I was going to let that one mistake ruin the first true connection I’ve ever felt with a woman. (And this would be where I broke it off with my FWB for the second time, though she didn't get the hint and I had to spell it out for her a week later.) I knew I needed to tell her but I was pretty nervous about the whole thing. I ended up looking at her OKCupid profile again just to check if she had answered the "Would you date a transgender person?" question. Yeah, that question exists, and yeah, she did answer it. She had said "no". Well, damn. But I couldn't ignore the connection we had, and an answer on an online dating profile isn't a real answer or rejection, so I decided to just tell her and see where it went anyway. So, we talk again the next day, and everything is great. Then I got super distant for a while (like half of a day). I needed to tell her, since we were thiiiis close to planning our second date. I actually have the text messages from when I told her: **Ronald:** Damn you beat me to it! I was going to ask you but I was cleaning my shower (it was awful). But yes. We should. Before we go ahead making plans I just wanted to tell you something. It's not a big deal to me but I want to be open and honest with you. I'm a trans guy. **Girl:** That's legit. I appreciate you telling me. That's awesome that you're so chill about it. It's not something I would go actively searching for, but its not a deal breaker either. I'm probably technically bisexual, though I've never acted on it. **Ronald:** Welp. That's fantastic. So, where to tomorrow? (feel free to ask me anything, btw. I'm pretty open about it once I break the stealth seal) **Girl:** Where to? I'm up for whatever. I had Thai tonight though, so I would prefer not that! :P How long have you been on hormones? I'm assuming you must be? I don't know much about this whole thing. What kind of things do people normally ask? :) And that’s basically how it went. I walked her through the bigger topics, she asked questions, I gave answers, and mostly we planned our second date. We saw a comedy show and had pizza. It was nice. She also slept over that night because we just didn’t want to be done with the date, though clothes stayed on. Sex happend on date number three, which was a mellow night at my apartment. That was also the night that I asked her to be my girlfriend. Basically, all of my trans stuff was a non-issue for her. I think this has a lot to do with my honesty and openness, and pretty much where I am in my life and transition. I think that if I was insecure with myself then she would have reacted differently. I think our success together has a lot to do with our mutual timing; she was finally in a good place with her stuff, I was finally in a good place with my stuff, and it just worked. When she mentioned being “bisexual” she was more-so referencing being attracted to masculine people, regardless of genitalia. She has never date women or been in a relationship with a woman. She’s only ever treated me as a man and I have never felt more comfortable in my role in a relationship. We’re still dating. It’s been two months, two of the most amazing months. Not only is all of the emotional and gooey shit fantastic, but the sex is amazing. We recently incorporated a prosthetic for me (read: strap on), and it’s given a whole new and exciting dynamic to sexy time. So, yeah. That’s been my exploits for the last 9 months. I’m up for answering questions (in comments or PMs) so feel free! **TL;DR** Fuck you. I just spent a long time writing that, go read it! EDIT 1: I just want to thank everyone for the positive response to this post. I know a lot of other trans guys also appreciate the fact that so many people understand why it's importnat to recognize the good stuff and to talk about it. My girlfriend (TheDukesMistress) also really enjoyed chiming in and adding her perspective. This whole experience has inspired us to start a collaborative YouTube channel in an effort to continue this discourse on relationships with trans men as well as to provide a resource for people who are new to coming into a trans relationship. We want to provide a resource that we would want, basically. Thanks again for all of the well wishes and inspiring comments. Even those who did not understand or agree were very polite and generally thoughtful with their comments. Wishing everyone a great day, \--Ronald \--- Comments: u/TheDukesMistress &#x200B; >"Basically, all of my trans stuff was a non-issue for her. I think this has a lot to do with my honesty and openness, and pretty much where I am in my life and transition. I think that if I was insecure with myself then she would have reacted differently." As the girl in relationship #2 I'll say that this is 100% true. I've thought about this a lot and one of the things I appreciate most about you (Ron) is that you have yourself figured out. (You know this, but I figure some of the r/AskWomen women might be curious/interested) After telling me that he is trans I read every post Reddit had on trans-related things and watched hours of YouTube videos. (The transguy community on YouTube is huge.) I googled every trans-topic I didn't fully understand and seriously pillaged the internet for information. Ladies, I find the fact that these guys, regardless of the plumbing they were born with, are SO sure of their male-ness that they challenge their biology incredibly awesome. I think my answer to the OkCupid question came from the fear that a transgender partner might be uncomfortable in their body, closeted about their identity, or unable to be a stable partner. I knew VERY little about the process of transitioning, and actually almost nothing about transguys (I'd heard more about drag-queens and MtFs than FtMs). Anyway, Ron is amazing and I am a very lucky lady to have stolen his fancy. :) &#x200B; u/somnolent49 >I'm really glad you posted in this thread too, it's great to hear your perspective.I suppose that at least on some level, I've been harboring some of the same reservations about trans individuals which you were. But what you said about being "SO sure of their male-ness that they challenge their biology" really resonated with me.My mind instantly drew an analogy to people who choose to immigrate to a new country. Here in the US, immigrants tend to be the most proud of their citizenship, and have a confidence and certainty which I think many native-born citizens lack, because while we are simply here because we were born this way, they consciously chose it for themselves with their eyes fully open.Ron seems like a very lucky man to have met somebody as awesome as you. I wish you two all the best. &#x200B; u/TheDukesMistress &#x200B; >That's a really great analogy. I don't think cis-gendered people can appreciate their cis-gendered-ness. Honestly, most people don't recognize cis-gendered-ness as something that could possibly be appreciated. > >One other thing I heard from the transman YouTubers that really resonated with me was a video one guy (ElectricDade, I think) that said that transguys shouldn't have to settle for a partner that "accepts" them. > >A partner that "accepts" that your trans isn't good enough. Just like a partner that "accepts" the fact that I'm a sassy girl with a big booty isn't good enough. > >I appreciate the perspective of the world that his trans-ness has given him. The tolerance for different world-views that its given him. I don't just tolerate, but honestly its one of the things I genuinely love about him. > >Overcoming challenges in life is one thing a lot of young people don't appreciate. At 22, I've always felt like I have a lot more life experience than most people my age. I won't go into mine because it's not really relevant, but Ron can match a man of any age for life experience. > >Regardless of where the world takes us... Ron has (in the last two months) challenged me to be the best woman I can be, and I feel blessed (for lack of a better word) to be in his life and to have him in mine. > >/gooey-girlfriend-crap \--- REMINDER I AM NOT THE OOP

OOP asks: How should a transgender man approach a woman without freaking her out or scaring her off?

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146ipgw

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/glass_hedgehog **[5e] "Roll for surprise."** **Originally posted to** r/DnD **Adding acronym meanings thank you** u/pcnauta **DM = Dungeon Master** **5e = 5th Edition** **PHB = Players Handbook** **PC = Player Character** **PVP= Player vs Player** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/49opo9/5e_roll_for_surprise/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Mar 9, 2016** Ugh. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. The person DMing the 5e starter set for one of my DND groups is terrible. He owns a PHB, but has never read the rules. He doesn't even know how combat goes. He makes up rules on the go. Really, he railroads us. He thinks, "Wouldn't x be cool!" and then manipulates the situation so that x happens, even if it means making players skip their turns, giving the thing we're fighting an extra turn, or just downright ignoring how physics works. He hates letting us roll initiative, and after we do roll initiative he doesn't abide by it. He's a nice guy, but a terrible DM. I've tried talking to him privately. I've tried explaining the rules to him publicly. I've tried so many things, but I am just not getting anywhere. He actually told me, "Sometimes you just need to trust your DM." I know that. I DM Out of the Abyss for a different group. Sometimes you do need to trust that your DM knows what they're doing. But he doesn't know what he's doing. And when he says, "Trust the DM," what he really means is, "Stop trying to ruin the perfectly adequate railroad I've built." Mostly the other players don't care, or seethe in silence, but it all kind of came to a head when he told us to "Roll for surprise." The rouges explained that no one was trying to be sneaky, and he still insisted that we had to, "Roll for surprise, not stealth." And it was like...what does that mean? What do we roll then? And he still insisted that we just "roll a D20 and see what happens." Oh. My. God. It's like when he says, "Oh I don't know if this monster's ability will effect you. Roll a D20 and I'll decide if it looks sufficiently high enough to work." Or, my personal favorite, "You only rolled a 16 on that check. It didn't work." To which you respond that your modifiers make it a 20, but--wait for it--it's still only a 16. To which you ask what the DC is. His response? "What's a DC?" And it's not like telling him what a DC is make him utilize it in the future. It's gotten to the point where his ignorance is willful. I don't feel like I can back out of this game because it takes place at my apartment, and I'm trying to make friends (and am succeeding with everyone except for this dude). I think a part of it is his age relative to ours. He's older than us by several decades, and he's been playing DND since the 70s. But he's been playing 5e for a significantly shorter period than most of us, and he refuses to read the rules. I just don't even know how to deal with this anymore. He actually made fun of me for being a rules stickler when I got mad that he made us all skip our turns because he refused to let us roll initiative during combat. My current plan is to just wait out the end of the starter set. It takes you to level 5. We just hit level 3. Then, once we've reached the end, either myself or someone else will volunteer to DM or the group will break up. But how would you handle this situation? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/4jx5ml/5e_roll_for_surprise_update_i_ignored_everyones/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 18, 2016** TL;DR of Original: Fiance and I are in a new city and trying to make friends. Start a 5e DND group. Dude who hasn't played since original DND wants to DM. He's terrible. We're afraid to leave the group because we like some of the people in it. Update: The advice I got from pretty much everyone who commented in the last thread was to ditch this group. People had various degrees of politeness they thought I should use to ditch this group, but it was pretty unanimous. This DM was disrespecting our hobby and wasting our time by refusing to learn even the simplest rules of DND. I pretty much ignored everyone's advice. Lost Mines only takes us through level 5, so it wasn't like this could go on forever. Another member of the group wanted to try DMing next, so the end of the current DM's reign was in sight. I really liked some of the other people in the group, and wanted to keep those new friendships in tact. We did start hanging out outside of DND, so that was a good, positive step in the right direction. And usually when we did hang out outside of DND, it was without the DM because there is a generational gap there. He is a good twenty-five years older than the next oldest person. Then it all went to hell, and I had to finally act on everyone's advice. Some backstory: Everyone in the group is good alignment, except for one dude who is playing an evil home brew skeleton. Now only one PC knew this guy was a skeleton, because he kept himself covered in clothing 100%. I'm pretty sure all of the PCs either knew he was evil, or at least knew he wasn't good. My fiance was playing a good aligned cleric. At some point in Lost Mines, the skeleton PC was on his own and met a wraith. They became friends. Around the same time, the cleric was growing suspicious of the skeleton because he was either a coward or undead seeing as how the spell Turn Undead effected him. The cleric was pretty sure he was going to need to take on the skeleton PC at some point. Now the DM wanted everyone to get along and for our farts to smell like roses and for double rainbows to grace our backdrop at every turn. This man made it his mission to make the cleric like the skeleton, and even befriend him. After all, we are party members and all party members are supposed to be bffs. Unknown to us, he rewrites the ending to Lost Mines (the 5e start set), and has the wraith tell the skeleton that the spell forge being offline is causing all of this unbalance in nature, and that to set nature right, it must be restored to proper working order. Only a magic user can do this. "Great," says the skeleton, "I'm a wizard. I use magic." "Uhh...I mean a lawful good magic user must do it..." Says the DM through the wraith. "Shit, that means I have to go find the cleric," the skeleton PC says. "I'm neutral good," my fiance says out of character. "Uhh...I mean a Neutral Good magic user must do it..." Says the DM through the wraith. At this point my fiance sends me this image via text, and sighs. He knows what he must do. The skeleton finds the cleric, tells him to come quick, and leads him directly to the wraith. The wraith then introduces himself as the guy who has been controlling the magical flame skull that almost killed the party. Fiance attacks wraith through his cleric immediately. Skeleton PC and DM both freak out. Skeleton PC is freaking out because the wraith is his friend. DM is freaking out because this wasn't supposed to happen. He thought that since the wraith wasn't actively trying to attack the cleric, that the cleric would just sit there and listen and do everything the wraith said without question. Skeleton PC then proceeds to attack the cleric because the cleric is attacking the wraith. Great, now we've got PvP going on. Wraith goes away by the magic of railroading, and cleric PC starts attacking the skeleton PC back. DM calls session there in the middle of combat because he has no idea what to do. That night I get an e-mail from the DM that details why what my fiance did was wrong, what he should have done, and how he expects my fiance to act in our next session. He details the plot he has written, and says in no uncertain terms that we not only had no good reason for not following the plot this time, but that we should follow it and play correctly next time. Umm...excuse me? I e-mail DM back and give him my fiance's e-mail for like the third time, and then proceed to explain that I don't appreciate being railroaded. I also tell him to read up on alignments in the PHB so he can understand why the good cleric attacked the evil wraith. I get this nasty e-mail back from the DM filled with personal attacks about me, my character, and my relationship with my fiance. Basically, the guy calls me abusive because I won't let my fiance speak for himself. Also, because he brings food to my house for the sessions, I should do exactly what he says. Because he's been playing for longer than I've been alive, I should respect him. He goes on and on about how hurt he is that I would even use the word railroading, and basically says a lot of nasty things about me as a person. After speaking with my fiance, I e-mailed him back and told him he was no longer welcome in my home, and to read the rules before he attempts 5e again. I then sent a message to the other players that basically read, "I'm sorry. I received a private e-mail from DM and the contents were such that I can no longer play with him, and he is no longer welcome in my home. I hope we can all still be friends." Then I messaged the guy who wanted to DM and told him that I was sorry for disbanding the group like this, but that the DM has said some things to me and that he was no longer welcome in my home. I also said that I would still like to play with him going forward, but I understood if he chose not to include me in his upcoming campaign. I didn't go into detail with the other players because I didn't want to come across as causing drama. I did not want them to think less of me for airing the DM's dirty laundry (which I'm more comfortable doing here where there are internet strangers). Ultimately the group decided that my fiance and I would be playing with them further, even if it meant the DM would not be. I am very thankful that they were understanding of the situation, and I'm glad I didn't lose those new friendships. So y'all were right. I probably should have taken your advice sooner. TL;DR: DM turned a disagreement over the game into a personal attack, and I banned him from my home and life. New friends don't hate me. **UPDATE FROM OOP IN THE BORU THREAD** [Update from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146ipgw/oop_deals_with_a_terrible_dm_dnd/jpioxtr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I am OOP. When my husband (fiancé in this story) told me this had been posted here, I was mortified. A couple things. We did continue to play with the group for a while after this, but then the dude playing the skeleton went off to enlist and the group tried to stay together but did break up as people got busy with work and the fall semester started for our youngest member. Husband and I continued to play 5e with others. I DM’d a pretty successful run of Out of the Abyss and some home brew content. A friend of ours continued DMing home brew content. Then, my husband DM’d Frostmaiden, and we ended last year right before I gave birth to our first kid. Now our little group has switched to pathfinder. Looking back at this, I absolutely understand why I ignored everyone’s advice and also wish I hadn’t. Dude just wasn’t worth the time and energy, and he was too full of himself to ever fade into a player role. I later found out he had said some nasty things to the other younger woman in our group, so it’s clear a big part of his blow up was that I wasn’t meek enough or compliant enough to just take his bullshit. I’m still not sure why he decided to direct things to me instead of my husband. Do I wish I had done things differently? Absolutely. Am I pretty happy with where I ended up from a tabletop perspective? Yeah, I am. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

OOP deals with a terrible DM - DnD

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146j5i1

Originally posted by u/megathrowswayphia in r/AmItheAsshole on April 26, '23 updated on April 28, '23. Notes: *These are vague, fast explanations" VT is Vet Technician IVDD is intervertebral disc disease Brachycephalic dogs have skull bones that are shortened in length, giving the face and nose a pushed-in appearance. Dermatitis causes them to have itchy, sometimes painful skin Otitis is an ear infection &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Toxic family, pet neglect, mentions of pet health problems!< Mood Spoiler: >!good ending!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12zoxs8/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_is_financially/)** April 26, '23 &nbsp; AITA for telling my boyfriend he is financially cut off from me and I will provide zero help if he buys a pug puppy? So this situation involves me (28F) and BF (27M) we have been together for about two years and some change. we live together and split all the main bills but the rest of our paychecks we keep separate and spend how we wish. typically this works fine. but despite him earning the same, sometimes more, than me he is not great at budgeting (he gets takeout almost every day, buys coffee out every single day, sends his god awful abusive mom money whenever she asks, etc) and I've had to help him out with money multiple times but the real issue started when he brought up wanting to buy a pug puppy. now, I work in veterinary medicine (lead VT at my clinic) and frequently see first-hand the suffering these dogs go through due to bad breeding and even just their breed standard anatomy. plus they are prone to so many chronic expensive health issues. and Ive found over the years that no matter what the other person says, if you work in my field and they get a pet, a lot of the harder care aspects (like medical) will fall on you. and honestly, I find buying a pug at all to be unethical and something I am not okay with. I certainly wouldnt be willing to bring them into my clinic and shoulder the responsibility, which I know would happen. I love my BF, but this is a guy who thought neutering a dog involved removing their penis and even says he knows "nothing about animals until I met you". who is going to have to manage the situation when this dog has chronic allergic dermatitis/otitis or IVDD or one of the other million issues they typically end up having? Me. I already know it. I explained all this to him and he got quite upset with me for "completely shutting down what he wants". I told him a small-med dog isnt out of the question, just NOT a pug or other brachycephalic dog and not a puppy. They are far too much of a time and effort commitment than either of us can provide and wouldnt be good for anyone. I dont like to admit that I pulled the "this is literally my career field and I know what Im talking about" when he kept repeating "well you dont KNOW that". because yeah, I kinda do. I am also not proud of this, but I told him if he did get the pug puppy I would never help him out again with money and I would give him zero help with the puppy, including bringing them into my clinic as an employee-affiliated pet for at-cost care (cheaper but by no means free) or medications. he was pretty shocked when I said this and left our apartment to go cool-off. I guess he told our mutual friend because they told me via text I was being a bitch about the whole thing and "must hate animals". all my coworkers agree with me, but I know they are obviously biased AITA? edit to add: this mutual friend was his best friend before we started dating and they became my friend also. or at least I thought they were. while what they said is shitty and not okay I have a hard time believing my bf actually called me that to him. even when we argue (not often, but happens) he has never used any language like that or anything even remotely disrespectful. I would not tolerate that. he is immature at times, but never like that another edit to address some common things in the comments: my clinic is actually PART of a shelter. I talked at length with him about how we could foster one of the dogs from work who was compatible with us and our lifestyle (size, energy, age, cat friendly, etc) before adopting and he was not happy with this. he also was not interested in mixes with pug who didnt have the extremely short face due to "not looking like a pug anymore". that's when I got a little more forceful with my ultimatum if we got a dog TOGETHER then I would be happy to take on the lion's share of things like medical care because this is a pet we got together and just makes sense. I got my cat before dating him, so MY cat, and have never asked him to shoulder any aspect of her care other than feeding her if I was going to be home late from work or something similar we have never had an issue like this before so that's one reason Im a bit.. lost on if I was really in the wrong or not. I appreciate all the comments a lot. I'll be in the comments but I think this address the most common inquiries CLEARING UP CONFUSION: I am a VET TECH. NOT a Veterinarian. think of it as nurse vs doctor. just been seeing some confusion in the replies :) &nbsp; *In the comments:* >What if he rescued a pug or other brachycephalic breed? Or opted for a pug mix? OOP: this was brought up and while it does alleviate the ethical issue of purchasing one, a pug being bought from a breeder vs adopted at a rescue does not change what health issues they will have pug mix he didn't really seem interested, dogs who were mixed enough to not be extremely brachycephalic was not what he wanted edit: unsure why you are being downvoted. this is a valid question . pugs in shelters or rescues dont "sit waiting to be adopted". most pug rescues have waitlists a mile long. whenever pugs (even mixed) are up for adoption at the shelter my clinic is part of the phones ring off the hook asking about them. and it still does not change that I would end up responsible for their medical care, a big part of why I am not okay with it . I grew up with rescue dogs, one of which I was the main person working with his behavioral rehabilitation (had extreme resource aggression at 8 weeks old) and previously worked at a shelter for 6 years which specialized in behavior case dogs and determining their ability to be rehabilitated and released into the community and been a vet tech at my current clinic/shelter for about 5 years. I KNOW I am more experienced with dog care than him. and that doesnt make me better or smarter or anything like that. but when it comes to animal care? I feel like my opinion should be taken seriously because that is literally my career field. he works in a utility company. If we ever needed to figure out an issue in that area, I would listen to him. but animals, especially dogs? that's MY area of expertise. that just seems like the most logical way to do it &nbsp; *Judgment: Not the A-hole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/132h6e3/update_aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_is/)** April 28, '23 &nbsp; UPDATE: AITA for telling my boyfriend he is financially cut off from me and I will provide zero help if he buys a pug puppy? So I didnt dump him (yet) after we had a looong talk. could we still breakup? if I dont see a lasting change from him, yes. but we arent there yet and him admitting he fucked up is a big part of that. and no, a pug puppy is not happening turns out the dog he had as a child (D) was a pug, and was devastated when D died. he never really liked talking about D, and I never pried He cried a lot once he started talking about D, thought D was always very healthy, so when I was going on about the health issues with pugs he assumed that it was overblown and I was just being overly cautious, since D was healthy and he wanted a dog that looked like him, brought on after mom had found his old collar I got a gut feeling, so I kept trying to as kindly as possible ask questions about D. how often they took him to the vet, if he had any photos, etc. turns out he couldnt remember a single time this dog went to a vet (if a vet never diagnoses an issue it doesnt exist, right?) and once he found some old photos I pointed out the dog CLEARLY had ocular issues (likely untreated KCS with ulceration) and eventually went blind, sat in a way that indicated hip issues, even remembered a time that the dog COLLAPSED after playing in the yard but he got up again a while later so his mom said he was fine. once I spelled all this out to him he looked like someone had slapped him across the face and just said he was so sorry, he was just like all those awful owners I tell him about, etc he was a kid! he shouldnt have been expected to manage that dog's veterinary care. but now that hes an adult he needs to look at the situation logically and I was extremely hurt he gave zero shits about my professional opinion. I get that enough from owners at work, dont need it from my BF. He apologized and said he doesnt think he is ready for a dog after all and when the time comes, hes happy with looking at dogs from the shelter I work at so, the issue with his friend. I did something I had NEVER done before, asked to see his phone, their messages. friend got a very one sided version of events (thinking I unfairly vetoed him) but never used any derogatory language. showed him what this friend sent me and he was pretty taken aback, told me he would deal with it. if he doesnt this relationship cannot continue and money... that was hard. tried to be gentle but it feeds into a deeper issue with his mom (not a new issue), and I told him enough is enough and I cant keep supplementing his income because he gives so much to her. Something happens and suddenly has a big medical bill? car randomly breaks down? obviously I would help him. money for psycho mom? no. done. her, or me. he chose me. going no or low-contact with her, and absolutely no money, even if she does her manipulative bs. we'll see if he holds to that. if he doesnt, he knows Im done &nbsp; If you are interested, here is an [article about pug health problems](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/pet-insurance/pet-care/pug-common-health-issues/) *Flairing this concluded as they have resolved the issue and are not getting a pug* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for telling my boyfriend he is financially cut off from me and I will provide zero help if he buys a pug puppy?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146j5i1/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_is_financially/

146n7mb

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/13y1s7u/i_think_this_will_be_my_last_day_at_this/) posted by by u/MsVindii in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 02 Jun 2023 **I think this will be my last day at this particular hotel** I’m burnt out. My hotel is a mom & pop type of place. It’s not owned by any big corps or anything and it’s been in the same family for over 20 years. The owner died a few years back and ever since then, it’s traded hands between family members. Originally the owners wife ran it with her 2 children and when they ultimately couldn’t handle it, they handed it over to a cousin to run. He’s the current owner. The owner is absolutely checked out. He’s got 2 other businesses he has his hands in and hardly ever pays any attention to the hotel itself. Third floor has ceiling tiles falling apart, second has the rug coming up with signs that say ‘pardon us’ (which, have been there for 2 years according to our reviews) and first floor has more stains than rooms. The only thing he’s upgraded in the time I’ve been here, is clocks… April 21st we were supposed to have our new A/C turned on, we taped off our parking lot for a day, had a crane come out and install it and everything, you could even see it from across town. But, the contractors that put it up there apparently failed to get a permit through our city and now it’s sitting on someone’s desk somewhere being ignored. Not exactly sure what’s going on, above my pay grade and all that, but the shit has been rolling downhill ever since and I just cannot take it anymore. It’s fucking June and where I live, it’s about to get hot. Like 100 degrees (about 38 celsius) hot. Today was my last straw. After weeks of handling irate customers (our owner will not update the website to say we have no AC currently, thinks that guests will be more lenient after coming in and finding out) that want to yell and scream at me about it and the WiFi, I walked in today to my coworker having an absolute meltdown. To sum it up, she called our entire FD staff useless, called me stupid, tried to snatch my phone out of my hand when I tried to show her a photo, said no one knows how to do their jobs and that none of us know how hard she has it (also, this entire time her boyfriend is standing in the lobby yelling as well). This is where I could go on and on about how she never cleans, never does her res checks, always comes in late and never breaks down the day before she leaves (and that’s only the tip of it!) but it doesn’t matter. She’s not doing her job. At. All. And it shows. Manager is supposed to be back tomorrow. Apparently we’re going to ‘figure this out’ but I’m fully expecting to walk away from this job at this point. Not even bringing my shit in tomorrow, I’m just gonna leave it in my car. I have a feeling that one of, if not both of us, will walk away from this ‘meeting’ feeling disappointed. I love this place despite its problems and I love my coworkers (except for her) but I don’t have to be here, I don’t need this job. I can just walk away this time, no strings attached (and that feels good) but It’ll also be sad to walk away from here. I won’t put up with being yelled at by a coworker. ----------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/13yup48/i_think_this_will_be_my_last_day_at_this/) posted by by u/MsVindii in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 03 Jun 2023 **I think this will be my last day at this particular hotel (update)** Yesterday I was sad and already grieving the loss of what felt like a wonderful job. Today, after reading that others have had the same difficulties, I’m angry and disappointed. I know some have asked for an update so here it is. At first, I lamented the entire situation. I thought about quitting before even going to the meeting, not showing up altogether or just texting her that I quit. But, I decided that I would shiny up my spine and go in. Dropped off my kids and got there with 15 minutes to spare before I was supposed to clock in for one of the busiest days of June. The moment I got into our office it became pretty clear what was going to happen and that I was going to quit. My manager was lackadaisical about the whole thing, was trying to shrug off the entire situation almost immediately and the other girl wasn’t even there. Some meeting. I asked her what was going to be done because I didn’t plan on clocking in until this was handled. Cue rug sweeping. Apparently everyone has bad days (tell me something I don’t already know) and that everyone brings drama to work and we have to be understanding. Bullshit, so I asked her to give me one example of me having a bad day, taking it out on others and generally causing drama. If you guessed that she couldn’t, you’d be right. Anyways, after ignoring the part about the coworkers boyfriend rushing up into our employee area (what the actual fuck?) and making me feel unsafe, she asked me what I honestly expected her to do as a manager… I don’t know, maybe do your job? Why was I left alone yesterday and why did no one come in to handle this situation? Again, she couldn’t give me an answer. So I told her that if nothing is going to change then I’m going to leave. It only took 10 minutes of her trying to make the problem go away before I just settled into the reality of ‘that’s not enough for me.’ I hope she’s worth it because my bosses decisions last pay period drove off 3 people. This period, she’s driven off 2, including me and we only had 10 people when I first started and I’m pretty sure at least 1 other will leave after me. Now, I get to hang out with my kids for the rest of the day and go swimming tomorrow. **REMINDER, I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP's last two days at their hotel job

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146n7mb/oops_last_two_days_at_their_hotel_job/

146u3jc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/gavila438 **in** r/MaliciousCompliance trigger warnings: >!Sexism, workplace harassment, embezzlement.!< mood spoilers: >! Surprise, shock, frustration, humor, relief, satisfaction, vindication!< &#x200B; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/y64mzs/you_want_updates_you_got_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Oct. 17, 2022 I remembered this particular scenario and wanted to bring it up here. Its a long one, so grab your popcorn and drinks, here we go! So one of the first IT jobs I worked was for the corporate headquarters of a midwestern sandwich chain. My brother's best friend was the IT manager of this place and was given full reign to hire anyone he wanted. We had previously worked together in another place and he liked my work ethic, so he ended up asking if I'd take the job. Of course, I said yes since I genuinely enjoyed working alongside this friend, and I thought it would be cool to report to him. Anyway, a few months go by and everything is going well. I had met and enjoyed mostly everyone in the IT department. The one day, the CEO congratulates and welcomes a new CTO. This confused me as I thought that my friends boss was the CTO, but I then was told that he was actually an interim CTO this whole time. So, being green and naive, I decide to take it upon myself to meet the new CTO. The conversation goes more or less like so: Me: "Hi! My name is Jerry, I am one of the help desk technicians here! It's a pleasure to meet you and look forward to working with you!" \*sticks out hand to shake hands\* CTO: \*blank stares at my hand, then back at me\* Me: "Uhh, yeah so if you need anything or have any questions, I will do my best to help." CTO: "So just because I am a woman, I need help? And what exactly can a help desk help me with? Don't offer help to me unless I ask for it, got it?" My friend saw this and was honestly shocked. To this day, that entire exchange still haunts me. In any case, I moved on and ensured to try to stay out of the CTO's way. I decided I wanted to just do my job and work with my friend. The entire time I worked there, my friend had kept me in the loop with all his projects and his work so that I could hopefully be successful in the field. Then, one day, when I get to the office, I am informed that my friend was fired by a demand of the CTO since he was "not meeting expectations", despite all the reports showing that his leadership and changes did in fact yield very high ratings for ticket closures and customer satisfaction. That same day, the CTO comes to the help desk room and walks up to me. She then says "Hey you, you worked alongside that manager, right? Well, I am making you the interim manager since you know most everything he was working on." I felt like this was two slaps to the face, one being that she didn't refer to me by my name, and the other that she gives me my friends job the same day he was fired. A few weeks go by and I just experience going to meeting after meeting. I keep getting told that performance ratings and customer satisfaction is dropping. In particular, the biggest gripe that was reported was that work orders were not getting any updates for days on end, and that the requesters were beginning to feel that we were ignoring their issues. I tried to reply with plan that I had to help alleviate this, but the CTO said "we will make sure this is fixed." and would not let me speak. After all those meetings, the CTO sets up a meeting with myself, the Director of Infrastructure (we'll call him Matt), and the previous interim CTO (who we will call Joe). CTO: "Ok..how are we going to fix the problem with the work orders?" Me: "Well, I've got a plan that should help with this. See, what I need to do is canvas the tickets and see wha-" CTO: "If I needed a plan, I would asked for it. I want an answer NOW!" Me: "Ok well I'm trying to give you the answer which is a part of this plan" CTO: "Then its useless if you can't get to the answer. Any other ideas?" At this point, we all stayed fairly silent and the CTO was just more or less rambling to herself. At the end, her response..was...glorious. CTO: "Ok, so moving forward, no matter what it is I want every ticket to be updated immediately with anything that is going on with the request as it is being worked on." Me: "Everything thats going on with the request immediately as it happens? Are you sure about that? I feel like thats going to cau-" CTO: "I know what I said. If I have to repeat myself, consider yourself out of a job." Me: \*silent for a second and then...\* "Understood." She then proceed to send an email, summarizing almost everything that happened in the meeting. She then writes that I had no constructive information to provide, but again see her plan there..it was then that it occurred to me... Cue Malicious Compliance. I go back to the helpdesk room to announce the immediate change. Me: "Hey everyone, just wanted to give you a heads up that moving forward, you are to provide every work order with any and all updates possible. That includes anything from looking at the ticket, to moving a laptop, to typing on it, just anything you do must be related and entered into a ticket." Tech 1: "Umm...you want EVERYTHING in tickets?" Me: "Yep you heard that right! EVERYTHING! As you work on the tickets, keep those updates coming!" Tech 2: "But if we do that, we could potentially trigger the spam filters...also its going to flood the requestors' mailboxes...did you mention this to the CTO?" Me: "She didn't care to hear about it. It's apparently not constructive information." The other 4 technicians stayed silent, until one of them said "A storm is brewing...this is going to be fun!" and we all laughed, knowing what was going to happen. I went to the email that the CTO sent, regarding the summary of our meeting and opened it in its own window on my computer. I then continued to do as she had asked, and so did the other technicians. It wasn't even an hour before our updates were beginning to get blocked by the spam filters and we started getting emails from the requesters asking us why we were updating the work orders so much, others asking to be removed from future ticket updates, and many demanding to speak to a manager regarding this sudden disturbance. I updated the IT help desk email with an automatic replay that said something along the following: "Thank you for your message, If this is in regards to your ticket updates, rest assured that we have your best interest in mind. A new policy is in place to provide you with as much transparency to your IT requests. This is in hopes to provide a better customer service experience. Please rest assured that we are aware of the amount of tickets this may produce. We hope to provide further support to you and look forward to completing your request shortly. Company IT Help Desk" It was not long after this that the CEO came into the help desk room and demanded to know what the hell was going on. I could tell he was ready to fire someone, when I calmly said "Good afternoon sir! We are simply following orders." and pointed at my screen, to the email with the meeting summary. the CEO looked at me and growled "follow me." As we were walking, we passed by Matt's, Joe's, and the CTO's office, each time the CEO growling at them "In my office, NOW!" We get to his office and the conversation goes like this: CEO: "What the hell is going on?" Me: "I will reiterate, I am only following orders." CEO: "And what exactly were these orders?" Me: \*reiterates the orders\* "Here is the email from the CTO regarding this order." CTO: "Sir I can explain, I was just thinking that -" CEO: "And did no one stop to think what issues this would cause?" Matt: "Well, Jerry did try to explain a plan to the CTO." Joe: "If I am not mistaken, Jerry knows that if the exchange servers detect multiple updates coming out like this in a small time window, it triggers a spam blocker." Me: "And thats why my plan was to update each ticket only once a day, rather than after every single thing that was done towards the request." CTO: "I asked you to update at the end of the day with EVERYTHING that happened with the work orders." CEO: "According to your summary, you did ask for ticket updates as they occurred, and Jerry's team provided this. Why did you not listen to Jerry's plan of action?" CTO: "Well, sir, I have been working in the field since before 2000. What can someone like Jerry provide me with?" CEO: "Well, he can provide you with the information to tell you why your idea has just caused the company a ton of money since now our exchange server got overloaded." Me: "When I was talking about canvassing, I was trying to say that I wanted to reach out to each locations managers to compile a list of tickets to update in a scheduled manner, rather than do them all at once. But since to you wouldn't listen to me and even threatened to fire me, I only complied with your plan." CTO: "I cannot believe this is happening. Why am I being targeted here?" At this point, the CEO asked Matt, Joe, and me to leave while had "had a word with the CTO on what teamwork means." Several minutes later, the network/infrastructure team was able to reboot the exchange servers and remove the IT help desk mailbox from the spam filters. I later provided a mass email update to the organization, apologizing for any inconveniences that were caused and that I would be reaching out to provide planned support. I would soon find out that the CTO was placed on an unpaid leave until further investigation were pending. I ended up quitting a few months after that, since after the incident, the CTO was frequently trying to take her grudge out on Joe, Matt, and me. I did leave reporting the incidents to HR. I did later find out that the CTO was terminated and arrested for embezzlement. [UPDATE 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/y64mzs/you_want_updates_you_got_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Oct. 17, 2022 I am genuinely shocked (sort of) at how much this blew up! Thank you all! Well, I suppose I will do my best to tie up some loose ends. For starters, for those who don't believe this is real, there are actually court documents out there regarding the embezzlement issues. I won't link them since I would rather not get this story traced back to me, but just think really hard of a popular United States Midwestern based sandwich shop, and look for embezzlement. You might find your proof. Another thing, for anyone who thinks that I was being respectful towards the CTO on my introduction, no it was not because of chivalry. I respect everyone equally, despite their status or position (or power, I suppose). When I started at this company, everyone was super friendly and genuinely liked working with one another. So greeting new staff in a friendly manner and offering to provide assistance was just a norm. So the fact that she came in with that large of a chip on her shoulder and further accused me of being "sexist" really threw off. Furthermore, to clarify, that experience haunts me every time I speak to any female staff and thoughts race through my head, making me wonder if what I did or said could be deemed sexist, despite knowing damn well that I am being respectful and professional. Ok...now for the juicy bits..the embezzlement. When I found out about the embezzlement, I had already jumped ship from the place and moved onto a much better company. At the new company, I actually ended up poaching some of the best staff from the previous company to come work alongside me. Although I had almost no connections left at the sandwich HQ place, some of the people I had brought over still had quite a number of connections back there. When I left, the company was no longer as friendly as it used to be. It was obvious that it was going down the shitter and overall becoming toxic, completely opposite from the image they try to portray. So one day, I come into work, and one of my buddies just shoots out of his chair, walks over to my desk, opens Google chrome, and types in a certain set of keywords hits search..the top item was the public court documents. I read through it and found out everything! I reached out to Joe, to see if he was still there. Sure enough, he had left a few months after the scandal. He informed me of what had happened. So it turns out that Mark and one of his employees were taking money from one of the vendors to be able to basically remain one of the companies utility companies across the US. At this time, the CTO was looking to switch to a different provider, but this particular provider did not want to lose the company, since they were their biggest contract. So the CTO made a "deal" with the head of the provider company, where they were suddenly accepting unreported funds. What ended up happening though was that one of the employees reported his earnings in his taxes, which somehow ended up going back to the company (I am not sure about how this worked out, I'm not a tax guy or w.e.), but then it went to finance department. This is where I called my contact from the finance department. My contact had told me that she saw the reported income and it did not add up at all. His income basically was doubled, but she worked alongside payroll and they knew his wages..the fact that he reported almost double his income could get both him and the company in serious trouble. So she did the only thing she could do, which was have an audit done. They reported this to the CEO and agreed to bring in an outside auditor, just to avoid any sort of possible conflicts of interest. The auditor then comes back to find where the extra funds came from, being a "special contract" with Mark, his employee, and the CTO signed off on it. They worded it very carefully so that it would go under the radar, but the taxes would be charged to the company. A week after the audit, some officials arrived at the company and arrested those three individuals. Im not sure if they served jail time or something, but they sure as hell were walked out of there in handcuffs! Oh and to answer one final question, for those wondering how in the hell the CTO got to her position in the first place, she was friends with the CEO. She apparently is out there, still being a CTO to this day. At my current job, one of my coworkers asked me if I knew this persons name, and I shit you not I was like "How the F\*\*\* do you know her?" only to later find out that coworker worked for the CTO and hated her. My coworker was going through some major issues while at that company and when she opened up about it, the CTO threatened to fire her as "she was just a liability waiting to happen." My coworker is in safe hands now where she gets the treatment and therapy she needs. Hopefully this answers any questions you all may have! I will update again if you have any further questions. Cheers! &#x200B; [FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/y64mzs/you_want_updates_you_got_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Oct. 17, 2022 Some of you are really good sleuths lol. Regardless, I'm neither gonna confirm or deny the company name, especially because I don't want to dox anyone. Nobody should be doxxed. I did see this in a comment, and I will admit that I am unsure as to why the CTOs name isn't in the court documents. I couldn't tell you since I wasn't there for that. All I know is she was walked out in handcuffs. Lastly, A TL;DR - CTO demands we update every IT work order with updates, stating she wants every single update. Doesn't listen when trying to head warnings, threatens to fire OP if demands are followed, which leads to exchange (email) server crashing. &#x200B;   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Malicious Compliance Leads to Unexpected Consequences: How Following Orders Exposed a Corporate Scandal

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/146u3jc/malicious_compliance_leads_to_unexpected/

1473dmp

**I am NOT OP. Original post by deleted account in r/sugarlifestyleforum** mood spoiler: >!bizarre!< --- &nbsp; **[Weird m&g this morning. POT wore wheelies.]**(https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/12etp04/weird_mg_this_morning_pot_wore_wheelies/) - April 7, 2023 Today I met a POT SB for coffee and breakfast along the promenade,,, She showed up wearing WHEELIES,,, I asked her what’s up with that and she said it’s faster to commute to work Conversation was pretty okay, but I kept thinking about her wheelies. At the end we hugged and she skated away,,,I stood there thinking WTF just happened. &nbsp; **[Update to Wheelie girl - what is peen?]**(https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/12jqg1w/update_to_wheelie_girl_what_is_peen/) - April 12, 2023 After the m&g I wasn’t excited about wheelie girl and not sure of another date,,,but the positive comments here persuaded me reconsider and think I’m missing out on something great. 2nd date ended up just as weird as the m&g. We meet at a steak restaurant last night and she didn’t wear wheelies,,,sorry Reddit. I almost told her she has many Reddit fans but thought she would get creeped. We talk about what food to order,,,she said her favorite is green bean casserole. I said yuck I don’t like green beans in any form,,,but she said in a loud voice “No, I didn’t say that,,, I said I like green peen casserole.” wtf. I was in shock and embarrassed people heard her. Then she has a serious look for few seconds and starts laughing ,,,such a weird girl. I don’t know maybe she is growing on me or making me more uncomfortable,,hard to tell. Edit: I will probably do a 3rd date for community entertainment,,,wish me luck. &nbsp; **[Update 3 - Wheelie girl - I survived]**(https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/12ry5ej/update_3_wheelie_girl_i_survived/) - April 19, 2023 Date 3 was last night. I debated posting this because it’s a little embarrassing,,,but I have too many Reddit followers I don’t want to let down. Texted Wheelie Girl (WG) to setup another date. I picked a different restaurant from 2nd date’s embarrassing moment,,,this time was Asian fusion. I also texted WG “If you feel comfortable I can make a hotel reservation nearby for continuation of our date. You can stay the night if easier for you.” WG says “Alllllrighty. Can you bring Vizzys too?” I don’t know what she’s talking about so I google it,,don’t know if that’s a yes either. Next day we meet at restaurant,,she looks cute wearing a dress. She also wore the bulky black shoes with yellow stitching that looks orthopedic. Maybe she has foot problems,,,that’s why she wears these and wheelies? Dinner was nice and good food but no perverted outbursts this time. So after dinner we walk back to the hotel and I tell her the Vizzys are on ice. But I didn’t know which flavors she liked so I got raspberry-tangerine and watermelon. She said “womp womp my favorite is peach-lemonade,, but that’s ok,, thank you for getting them and for dinner.” Then she gives me a long sloppy kiss while waiting for the crosswalk. During the kiss, I think to myself “i don’t know anyone who says womp womp,,,is this millennial lingo or just wheelie girl lingo?” We drank Vizzys in the room and had fun. I won’t get into sexual details but we had a great time. After sex we were exhausted and WG was laying on top of me,her head on my round mountain stomach. She says “I heard when the penis is soft you can twist it 360 degrees,,can I try?” Before I can answer she takes the little guy and twists it. It didn’t hurt but didn’t feel comfortable so I tell her that’s enough. She turns her head and gives me this very pouty look so I felt bad and tell her “fine, keep doing it”. Later when time to sleep WG didn’t bring a toothbrush so I said I will go buy one at the drugstore. She said it’s ok, it’s too late she will just use mine!! I never shared toothbrush before but next time I will bring extra one. Do I throw away the toothbrush or save it? Sooooo 3rd date wasn’t crazy but still weird. &nbsp; **[Wheelie Girl - Update #4 - fruit rollup]**(https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/132064x/wheelie_girl_update_4_fruit_rollup/) - April 28, 2023 Apologies to Wheelie Girl fans for late update. Reason is our 4th date there was nothing too weird or crazy to report. We met for lunch and after went for a walk while holding hands. She did wear the wheelies again and showed off her moves,,I thought about taking video for Reddit but felt weird to ask. After the date WG sent me a sweet text message thanking me and that she is grateful for my help. She does not realize I am selling Wheelie Girl t-shirts and merchandise to subsidize her allowance. Jk,,,but that’s good idea. She also said she wants to show appreciation and try something on next date for me,,,some fruit rollup trend. I said ok but I don’t know what she’s talking about. She said don’t worry she will take care of it. We meet 2 days later for another date and WG is wearing a cute outfit,,short skirt and tights and previous Doctor Marty shoes and small backpack. Not appropriate for formal but we did not go to fancy restaurant,,just bbq. We go back to our hotel and as soon as we shut the door she gives me a Minions sleepmask and blindfolds me,,then pulls down my pants. I hear some fumbling and weird noises and think she is putting on the condom but she wasn’t. I ask what’s going on and she says “shut up and just be patient.” I feel it that she puts something sticky on my peen and is massaging and squeezing it like clay……….I don’t know how to explain or describe what happens next,,,but *&$!%#£&$!! After we finish I tell her we should do this every date and ask how did she learn this. She said it’s very popular now and some girls buy boxes of fruit rollups. Later I went to use bathroom and WG told me not to go in because she just used it. I waited 10 minutes and the bathroom was still stinky. 💩 I won’t take her to bbq anymore. &nbsp; Note: After the last update, the OP apparently commented in a Friday subreddit thread that WG bailed and he wouldn't be providing any updates anymore. He subsequently deleted his account. Thus this odd saga has marked as CONCLUDED. [IIRC, she bailed. OP deleted his account and thus all his comments, so I can't look up exactly what he said, but it was a Friday thread in which he mentioned there would be no further updates.](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/13oew9j/any_update_on_wheelie_girl/) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Sugar daddy goes on a date with a wheelie wearing sugar baby

CONCLUDED

thisbeetheverse

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1473dmp/sugar_daddy_goes_on_a_date_with_a_wheelie_wearing/

147eq0o

**I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** [**u/batmanandrobin123**](https://www.reddit.com/user/batmanandrobin123/) **in 2016 on** [**r/JUSTNOMIL**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/) **&** [**r/legaladvice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/)**.** &#x200B; [**I Need Serious Help (JUSTNOMIL)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/4xqg5s/i_need_serious_help/) (14 Aug 2016) I posted two other posts about my MIL that was affectionately named Meltdown Molly. There wasn't much going on until today. DH ran a credit report and found out his credit score was 450. Needless to say we were shocked. We had no idea how his credit score had gotten so low. We looked at the details and lo and behold, 13 credit cards were taken out in his name with debts that amounted to $10,000 by... you guessed it MIL. He called MIL on the phone and she admitted to taking out the credit cards in her name and racking up the debt. I don't even know what else to type because I am literally floored. I have no idea what to do, think, say, anything. I feel so lost and just like I need so much help. &#x200B; [**(Illinois) Husband's Parents Took Out Credit Cards in His Name (legaladvice)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xtvnf/illinois_husbands_parents_took_out_credit_cards/) (15 Aug 2016) We recently ran a credit score for my husband and found out his credit score was at 540 because his parents had taken out 13 credit cards in his name and racked up $10,000 in credit card debt on them over the past 6 years, with the most recent being opened in August 2015. They are only making the minimum payments on them. He was able to get access to the accounts online because his mom uses the same password for everything. The accounts were being paid from their bank account. The credit cards had been used for things like gas, "gifts", phone bills, hospital bills, etsy, etc. Let me start this off by saying his dad makes about $100,000 a year but they live well above their means. We confronted his parents on the phone and they admitted that they took out the credit cards in his name. They said they didn't have enough money to pay all of the credit cards back right now but they would start paying $800 a month on them starting in October instead of the minimum they were doing before ($26/month/card). Husband doesn't want his parents to go to jail for identity theft, but I don't feel comfortable being at their mercy regarding whether or not they pay. We are also worried that we might not have enough evidence and that they could just say that all the credit cards were his or that he knew about them. Husband really doesn't want to take them to court but I'm not sure what options we have. I feel like it might be important to note that his parents hate us and never want to speak to us again, so we don't really have any reason to believe that they would do what they say they're going to except for the fact that they've been paying on them for 6 years. I'm really just looking for advice on what different options we have, what those would entail, whether or not we would have to file criminal charges to get the money from them, etc. Edited to add: Husband's parents still have his social security number memorized and even pulled up a credit report on their own in his name last night. Is there anything we can do about this? Husband suggested legally changing his name but not sure that would work. Thank you in advance. **Relevant Comments:** * OOP: *Husband lived with his parents when most of this activity had taken place. Does that matter since the bills were going in his name to the place where he lived? That's how she was opening the cards because an offer would come in the mail and she'd send it back in or open it online.* * [Commenter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xtvnf/comment/d6icc0y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *The only options you have are to agree to allow your husband's parents to pay down the debt at a pace they can or to file a police report for identity theft and sue in small claims court for the financial ramifications. You have no other options here. It will not be easy for them to get out of this, it will be fairly easy for you to show you never took these credit cards out & they are the only ones who have used them.* &#x200B; [**I Need Serious Help (An Update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/4xu3zz/i_need_serious_help_an_update/) (15 Aug 2016) Thank you so much to everyone who responded to[ my post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/4xqg5s/i_need_serious_help/) yesterday. I think it's obvious from the post that I was very distraught yesterday for a lot of reasons. DH's parents took out 13 credit cards in his name and racked up $10,000 effectively ruining his credit score for the next 5 years, at least. They have done a lot of awful things to us in the past, but this really takes the cake. After we found out about what was going on, we called his parents to see what they would say and shit hit the fan. I probably shouldn't have talked to them at all because at that point I was FUMING, but we really felt like we needed answers to what was going on. I will admit that I yelled at them and said some very not nice (a bit of an understatement) things on the phone. We started the conversation talking about the debt and we barely said 3 sentences about it before they turned the whole thing around. The conversation went on for 30 minutes, halfway through which DH had a panic attack and only about 2 minutes actually consisted of them talking about the fact that they had racked up all that debt and stolen his identity. I will add some highlights of the conversation * "the money is not the issue, the real issue is your wife (me)" * "ever since you married batman no one wants to be around you" * "if she was a good wife she would want you to be around your family" * "she is a bad wife because she is filling your head with lies about us" * (at this point I mentioned the abuser language they were using) "what? you're making that up. where did you get that from? you are crazy." * "you will not be able to go to your grandparents' funerals because of your wife." (his grandparents are in great health by the way) * "your mother has done nothing but love you and she gets treated this way" They went on and on for 30 minutes, during which I'll admit that I yelled at them quite a bit and lost my temper, mostly because I was mad that all they were doing was talking about me and not the fact that they stole his identity. I ended the conversation by saying "we just need to know a few things 1. did you take out the credit cards?" "Yes." "2. are you going to pay them back?" "Yes." "3. how are you going to do that?" "My car gets paid off in October so I'll pay $800 a month starting then." DH really doesn't want to press charges against them, but I have no reason to believe that they will pay the money back except for the fact that they said they would. I post on legal advice and they said that pretty much the only way to save DH's credit is to file for identity theft, but DH doesn't want his parents to go to jail, and once you file identity theft, that is up to the government. One big thing that I am worried about is that last night they pulled up a credit report for DH on their own, meaning they have all of the access to all of his financial information at their fingertips and are willing to use it. Like I said, DH is pretty adamant about not filing charges, but I don't know how else we can protect ourselves from them doing this again or tracking our financial whereabouts for the rest of our lives. I'm sure some of you have dealt with in laws knowing a social security number. What did you do about it or how did it affect you? Unfortunately we can't just make them un-know his social security number. This whole thing just feels like I'm living in a nightmare. Edited to add: Thank you so much to everyone who responded. DH and I are filing a police report for identity theft. I think the things some of you said really got through to him. We are filing the police report when he gets off work, then going to the bank to change accounts to one she does not know (this was the account he got when he was a minor and just kept it open) and getting him a new phone number. We are going 100% no contact with them and letting the police deal with it now. I am hoping that DH stays true to his word and have faith that he will. At this point, I am terrified that they are going to do something to us after they found out we have gone to the police. I feel like I don't know what they are capable of anymore. I really am just scared. &#x200B; [**MIL and Identity Theft Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/4y0rg2/mil_and_identity_theft_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) (16 Aug 2016) I am going to be completely honest with you all. I am really starting to wonder if we are doing the right thing. We went to the police station last night and filed a police report. It was honestly just awful. The police officer kept trying to talk us out of it and saying that if we did it, his mother would be going to prison. This isn't a direct quote but he said something like, "this isn't just a tool to get this stuff off of your record. This will put criminal charges against her." Husband and I kind of just looked at each other, but in the end he went through with the police report. I have felt nothing but sick since we found out about all of this. Now I'm starting to feel like we shouldn't have gone through with the police report. His parents are texting him saying that they have the money and that they are going to pay back all of the accounts now, and that if we go through with the charges they are going to go to prison and lose their jobs. I don't even know if we could retract the police report if we wanted to. I know that this identity theft case is going to be a horrible stressor to our lives and connect us to his parents even longer. I am sure that they are going to try to say that DH knew about the accounts and that he gave them permission and I'm starting to worry that people will listen to them. We called the credit card companies to report the fraud and they told us the charges and a lot of them were things that were "gifts" to DH along with bills and other things. I am worried that because DH benefited from the fraud because his parents bought things for him with it, that they will use that in court against us and say that DH knew and gave them permission. One of the charges was for tires for DH's car that they gifted to him. He dropped the car off at the dealer and picked it up. His mom went in to pay, but he was the one who dropped it off. I am just so worried that they are going to lie to turn this against DH and that someone will believe them. We really don't have much proof except what is on the cards and that they were the ones making the payments. We live in a state where we can't record phone conversations so we can't try to get them to admit it. I am starting to regret all of this. I wish we could just go back to Saturday when we had no idea about any of this and we were happy. I am feeling so miserable and depressed and cannot get out of this funk. We absolutely cannot afford to go to therapy right now in case DH gets put on the hook for all of these charges but I don't know what to do to make either of us feel better. &#x200B; [**MIL and Identity Theft Update (8 Months Later)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/67b6pz/mil_and_identity_theft_update_8_months_later/) (24 April 2017) If you check my post history, you will see that I had a serious issue with my MIL and her stealing my husband's identity about 8 months ago. A lot has happened since then, and I felt like those of you that helped me out deserved an update. Since then, we did a lot of fighting with MIL and FIL, most of which I don't remember. We decided against filing charges, and instead hired a lawyer. The lawyer wrote up some lawyer stuff I don't understand, which basically stated that they had until March 2017 to pay off the debt, plus the fees for our lawyer. They agreed to it without any contest, probably because they didn't want to go to jail and thought they could still salvage a relationship with their son. Since then, they have paid back ALL of the money (most of it with large sums of money, which makes me wonder why they needed the cards in the first place?), and my husband's credit has increased quite a bit. My husband made the decision that he no longer wanted a relationship with his parents, which I supported him in wholeheartedly. Our decision was to never see or speak to his family again, but when my husband's niece died (their granddaughter), we felt as though we should at least go to the funeral. We saw them then, where they acted like nothing happened and that everything was okay. We let them have their moment due to the tragedy of the loss the family was suffering. They have invited us to various holidays since then, but we have not responded. We haven't seen them since the funeral, and don't plan on seeing them again. I'm not sure what husband would decide to do in the event of another funeral, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I want to thank everyone at justnomil for all of their support in helping my husband and I get through one of the most difficult times of our lives. Everything is exponentially better now, and I am so happy that we decided to go no contact. 10/10 would do again. **Reminder: I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** [**u/batmanandrobin123**](https://www.reddit.com/user/batmanandrobin123/) **in 2016 on** [**r/JUSTNOMIL**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/) **&** [**r/legaladvice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/)**.** &#x200B;

Husband's Parents Took Out Credit Cards in His Name

CONCLUDED

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/147eq0o/husbands_parents_took_out_credit_cards_in_his_name/

14f7bbg

Hello /r/BestofRedditorUpdates! As many of you might have noticed, /r/BestofRedditorUpdates has been blacked out for the last week. We did this after receiving [overwhelming support](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/) from you, our community, asking us to go dark not just for the initial 48 hours, but indefinitely. Privately, we as a mod team had already agreed to remain private for around a week if it seemed people were in support of that, and you sure were! This was not a decision that we made lightly, but we feel that opposing discrimination in this day and age is an important cause to stand behind. There is a narrative circulating that subs are staying closed for petty reasons, but there is nothing petty about standing in opposition to ableism, which has always been at the forefront of our reasoning here. Some of the mod team have disabilities ourselves – certainly not all of us – but in this we were and continue to be united. **We don’t all need to have disabilities to understand the implications and the ramifications of looking the other way when we witness discrimination.** ## So What’s Changed? Since we first made our post, alarmingly little has been done to remedy our concerns about how Reddit has been treating the visually impaired members of the site. Numerous meetings have been held between moderators and Reddit, but the transparency that the Admin team have promised – the promises that “they will be better” at communication – seem to be just that. In [discussions](https://www.reddit.com/r/Blind/comments/14ds81l/rblinds_meetings_with_reddit_and_the_current/) with the moderators of r/blind, it does not seem that this trend will be changing. If you’re thinking to yourself “but I thought they announced that accessibility focused 3rd Party apps would be exempt!” You’re partially right here. “Non-commercial” accessibility focused 3PA apps *will* be exempt. This means that the developers of these apps have agreed to work on and maintain their apps for zero profit, potentially paying for any other costs associated with running them out of their own pocket. Reddit also reserves the right to terminate those contracts for any reason, with only 30 days notice. “But that’s great, right?” Again, sort of. Visually impaired Redditors will *still* have no access to NSFW content. We still believe that disabled Redditors deserve **equal and equitable access to content,** and find this oversight in conflict with those beliefs. Moreover, as you can see in the previous link: the modtools associated with those 3PA are inadequate to actually mod with. What does this mean? It means that **blind Redditors will be unable to moderate their own communities**. Eventually the subreddit will either fall into disarray and disuse, or the mod team will be replaced by sighted Redditors (either forced in by Reddit against the community's will because of their new hard stance on unmodded communities, or because no one else can do it). If you believe in “nothing *for* us *without* us” you’ll understand the issue we have with this. Imagine if, for whatever reason, your favorite subs could no longer be modded by members of the community. What if suddenly, TwoxChromosomes could *only* be moderated by men? What if LGBTQ+ subs could *only* be moderated by cis straight people? Or if subs like AskMen could *only* be moderated by women? Take any of your favorite support subs – subs meant to provide help for the vulnerable – and imagine what those subs would be like if they were run by people who had no idea what it was like to be a member of that demographic. We find this **equally as discriminatory and ableist** as the initial decision to block 3PA, and struggle to understand why the Admins ignored the apps that the visually impaired [actually use](https://www.reddit.com/r/Blind/comments/1447ibp/what_apps_meet_your_access_needs/) in favor of apps with inferior mod tooling. Much like we felt that July 1st was not enough time for them to make their own app WCAG compliant, we do not feel a week and a half is enough time for the Admin’s chosen apps to develop proper and accessible modtools. Frankly, we find it shocking that the members of Reddit Admin currently coordinating efforts to assure accessibility were *unaware* that these apps did not offer much in the way of moderator tools. ## Then Why Are You Open Now? You may have seen by now that all sorts of subreddits who decided to protest are being messaged in a most alarming manner by the Admin team with threats to remove moderators. For all their love of democracy, the Admin have been declaring that votes to stay private "make no sense," invalidating them and silencing communities who choose to remain blacked out. This, of course, goes against Reddit's earlier statements which [pledged](https://www.theverge.com/2023/6/15/23762501/reddit-ceo-steve-huffman-interview-protests-blackout) that communities would not be forced to reopen. There was apparently “no need,” since the blackout was having no impact. Something seems to have changed, because r/BestofRedditorUpdates is no exception to this. If you would like to read our full exchange with the Admin team, you can do so [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/admin-boru-exchange/). Our team received our first message on June 16th, telling informing us: *Hi everyone,* *We wanted to ensure that you are aware that the API update* ***does not impact moderation bots or sitewide tools to control spam or remove harmful content****. You can find more details in*[ *this article*](https://mods.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/16693988535309) *in our help center. You may have seen posts or received messages from users telling you these tools are going away or are somehow impacted, but this is not the case.* *We are aware that you have chosen to close your community permanently at this time. We are reaching out to find out if any moderators currently on the mod team would be willing to take steps to reopen the community. Subreddits exist for the benefit of the community of users who come to them for support and belonging and in the end, moderators are stewards of these spaces and in a position of trust. Your users rely on your community for information, support, entertainment, and finding connection with others who have similar interests. The ability to find and make these connections is incredibly important to many people and ensuring that active communities are able to remain stable and active (and open) is very important.* *Our goal here is to work with the existing mod team to find a path forward and make sure your subreddit is usable for the community which makes its home here. If you are not able or willing to reopen and maintain the community please let us know.* We were, of course, confused, as we had no intention of staying private permanently, but all the same we drafted a response informing them as such, pointing out we had polled the community before ever going dark, because we did not want to silence any of you during this process. We inquired further as to why we received such a message, and asked for clarity on what more we could do to respect our community, since we were simply doing what had been asked of us. The same day we received the following response: *Thank you for such a thorough reply here.* *Do you have a timeline for reopening the community? It's okay if you would rather wait some time to allow new posts but allowing the community to be readable in a restricted state would be a step in ensuring that your community is available as a resource for users who rely on information they find here.* Again, we felt confused. As you all know, BestofRedditorUpdates is a meta repost sub. None of the content posted here is exclusive to this subreddit. All of it can be found elsewhere on the site, be it subs dedicated to asking AITA, telling stories of entitled whoevers, or those seeking relationship advice. Reddit seems under the impression that we host some sort of exclusive content, but the only content that could be considered exclusive to BoRU are the comments from you, our subscribers, who told us to “stay dark until it hurts.” We again expressed confusion, pointed them back to our concerns, and reaffirmed that we were committed to doing what our community asked of us. Four days later, on June 20th, we received the following: “Thank you for this reply. We will be monitoring subreddit status to decide next steps.” ## The Next Steps The messages we and other subs have received largely assume that the mods do not love their subreddits or their communities or that we are holding these subs hostage, but nothing could be further from the truth. Had our community not responded so positively to the suggestion that we go dark for longer than the 48hrs, we would not have done so. Now that it seems the Admin team is intent upon doing whatever they want to reopen the subreddits regardless of the thousands of you that told us to stay dark indefinitely, and the tens of thousands of you who took the time to let your approval be known in upvotes, we have decided to reopen to ask how you feel once more! Since the Reddit Admin team has made it clear that no vote to remain private will be respected, we are coming to you with an alternative. Since we are not in fact [landed gentry](https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/reddit-protest-blackout-ceo-steve-huffman-moderators-rcna89544), and even though democracy already decided what we should do previously (and is apparently not being respected), we wish to turn to it again! We have discussed this internally, and would like to make this subreddit the **Best of Redditor Updates about John Oliver!** What constitutes the “Best updates” of John Oliver you ask? Well, John Oliver is *always* the best, of course, so don’t hold back! Here’s a little list of what this change would entail: * The 7 day timegate rule will be suspended! * The META rules will be suspended! * The Repost rules will be suspended! * If someone posts about John Oliver to another sub, show us! * If someone mentions John Oliver on another website, post it! * If someone has a personal story about John Oliver, share it! * If a subreddit joins the John Oliver movement, tell us! If you are the OOP, you should still definitely make self-posts or posts on other subs before submitting to BoRU! We wouldn’t want to make any of our content exclusive to the sub, after all, where we might be depriving people of key information they rely on. And of course (unlike some other teams), we want to continue to be accessible to the visually impaired members of our community, so any images and videos about John Oliver should be described by our contributors. How long will this last? Well, just as before, we will continue to monitor the situation and try to communicate further with the Reddit Admin, reassessing our position based on how the protest is evolving, and what our users want. Regardless of how this vote plays out or what happens next, it is clear to us that in order to see our community protected and flourishing, some changes will need to be made to the sub. For the time being, **our** [**discord**](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) **(join up if you haven’t already!) will remain the same**, and will be the best place to hear about announcements before they’re announced! And if you’re bored, check out our [insights](https://imgur.com/a/iBnFmfy) that demonstrate and compare our engagement from the previous 7 days to the last 7 days, and more! If other subreddits are experiencing similar downtrends in views (aka eyes on ads), we question that the blackout protest had no impact on anything. Please take the time to vote in the poll by **UPVOTING or DOWNVOTING the two comments below**, and help us determine a path forward. Thanks so much for all of your support over the last 2 weeks. Your encouragement has been invaluable to us. \-The BoRU Mod Team ## VOTING HAS CLOSED! Thanks so much for your participation and questions over the last 48hrs! The BoRU Mod Team is happy to announce BoRU's rebrand to the BEST OF REDDITOR UPDATES ABOUT JOHN OLIVER! The results are: Yes, become the “Best of Redditor Updates (About John Oliver!)" - 12.0k points No John Oliver - 2425 votes [Here](https://i.imgur.com/TjqQWCh.png) is an image of the results! Heck, check out a [gallery](https://imgur.com/a/0ohfEcO) that includes the hourly insights of this post, so you can see the engagement trends and full descriptions of the previous imagery both in old and new Reddit. Contest mode has now been switched off, as we will no longer be tallying votes. Please sit tight and give us some time here to redo our rules and wiki before we properly open as the Best of Redditor Updates (About John Oliver!) We are not sure how long this will be the theme of our sub, but we are very excited to be taking this journey with you all.

POLL: Vote on the Future of BestofRedditorUpdates!

NEW META UPDATE

amireallyreal

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/

14iogxi

Since the Admin refuse to respect the community's vote to remain private, r/BestofRedditorUpdates has [polled the community](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/) once more! That's right, we are now a **Best of Redditor Updates about John Oliver** sub! Check out [this gallery](https://imgur.com/a/0ohfEcO) to see how the voting trended! If you are confused as to why we are protesting please check out our previous announcement [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/), and our poll announcement [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/). * Why John Oliver? - There are 3 reasons! * We still want to [protest discrimination](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/), and right now malicious compliance seems the only way to do so. * You may have seen a lot of John Oliver content explode all over Reddit! As a Repost sub, we pull our content from elsewhere, so it made sense to repost what is already being posted while bringing awareness to the protest. * When people are bored of what's on Reddit, they visit less, which drives engagement down, so there are fewer eyes on ads! * When will it go back to normal? - We aren't sure at this time, as this is an evolving situation, but we expect this act of malicious compliance to last until **July 1st**, at which point either Reddit will stop discriminating or it will be too late, and even more communities for the blind will have no choice but [to close.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/comments/14ggf8k/the_future_of_transcribers_of_reddit/) (Edit: To be more clear, since there is some confusion about this, the John Oliver theme will be ending **July 1st**). * Where can I read normal BoRU content? - First and foremost you can [check out our discord](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) where our regular contributors have been posting much more typical updates! If you don't want to join Discord, you can check out [BestUpdates](https://lemmy.world/c/bestupdates) on Lemmy! It's run by a different team and they're still quite small, but we totally support them! * I want to help! - If you want to help, spread the word! Post content about John Oliver! Avoid giving Reddit traffic by joining the discord, or going to Lemmy! ## How have the rules changed? You can check out our revised submission rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postrules/), and our revised participation rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules)! **Things that changed:** * All posts must be reposts about John Oliver! * No 7 day time gate rule! * No gatekeeping what is or isn’t the best of John Oliver! * [All new flair!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postflairs/) **Rules that stayed the same:** * No hate speech * Be Civil * Be Kind to Contributors * Low effort comments may be removed * No agenda to malign marginalized groups or spread misinformation * No Brigading (do not comment on linked posts) * Use Trigger Warnings * Use Flair * Fake posts with compelling evidence of fakeness will be flaired fake, not removed * If you are OOP you should post your content elsewhere first * OPs should link to original sources The sub is now open! Have at it everyone!

POLL RESULTS: Our Grand reopening as the Best of Redditor Updates about John Oliver!

NEW META JOHNDATE

amireallyreal

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14iogxi/poll_results_our_grand_reopening_as_the_best_of/

14ir0cl

I am not the original poster. Originally posted by u/amireallyreal on r/BestofRedditorUpdates. &#x200B; [**The Protest, The Blackout, and r/BestofRedditorUpdates \[NEW UPDATE\]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/) \- 6/8/2023 Greetings, members of r/BestofRedditorUpdates! By now you have probably heard a lot about [The Open Letter about API Pricing](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/). Some of your [favorite subreddits](https://imgur.com/a/0ohfEcO) may have signed up to protest. When we cross-posted the letter, plenty of people were confused about what API even is, how this pricing would impact them, and why it was worth talking about. Since then, there have been a number of posts about this very subject, all explaining better than we could. Subreddits like r/explainlikeimfive have highlighted in an easy way to understand [what API is](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/10rnu6s/eli5_how_does_an_api_work/) and [why this is change is a problem](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/142kct8/eli5_why_are_subreddits_going_dark/). r/AskHistorians [have explained in detail why so many Mods are upset](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/142w159/askhistorians_and_uncertainty_surrounding_the/) and, frankly, disillusioned, in the wake of the Admin announcement. # To a lot of people, the API changes are not a big deal. If you use the Official Apps and have no issue navigating it, that’s great. You may not have known that third party apps existed, or why people prefer them. If you’re wondering why people can’t just use the official app, we can acknowledge that for many users it is simply a personal preference. They’re used to it (some of us have been using them for years before there was ever an Official App) or they might simply prefer it because of the designs and features. If you’re interested in a visual representation of why so many prefer third party apps, [please check this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BikiniBottomTwitter/comments/13xk3lu/comment/jmj3nfg/) r/bestof comment out for a side-by-side comparison. For mods, the mod tool support of these third parties largely makes our jobs much easier, which keeps the communities we all love safer. On a third party app, we can accomplish in two clicks what would take the Official App five. This efficiency means we can address more problems in the community in a more timely manner. If you’re thinking to yourself, “If these apps are making a profit, Reddit deserves a cut!” we do agree. What we take issue with is that their API is being valued at 10-20x over what other similar services do, to the point where [almost](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/13ws4w3/had_a_call_with_reddit_to_discuss_pricing_bad/) [every](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditisfun/comments/13wxepd/rif_dev_here_reddits_api_changes_will_likely_kill/) [app](https://www.reddit.com/r/getnarwhal/comments/13xskqh/narwhal_update_about_reddit_api_pricing/) [has](https://www.reddit.com/r/RelayForReddit/comments/13wsn92/guess_this_is_also_the_death_of_relay/) [released](https://www.reddit.com/r/baconreader/comments/13wveb2/reddit_api_changes_and_baconreader/) [some](https://www.reddit.com/r/BoostForReddit/comments/13xzap9/comment/jmmuslx/) [kind](https://www.reddit.com/r/slideforreddit/comments/141rpcf/slide_will_be_dead_in_the_water_in_less_than_four/) of statement that indicates **these changes will kill their apps.** I could link to more statements like that, but you get the idea. Before you ask “why can’t they just run ads to offset those costs”, Reddit has already decided this will not be an option for third party apps. One thing to be aware of as well is that even if a third party app manages to survive July 1st through a subscription based model alone, those apps **will not** have all the same content as the Official App. Namely, despite paying for the privilege of having a choice, NSFW content will be unavailable and invisible to those users. If you’re thinking "well, I'm fine, I only use the mobile website via my chosen mobile browser" (chrome, mozilla, etc), you should be aware that Reddit has already been testing functions which [eliminate mobile web browsing](https://www.reddit.com/r/help/comments/135tly1/comment/jim40zg/), and there is no guarantee that your preferred method of using Reddit won’t be next. Limiting user choice, charging exorbitant and predatory fees, and refusing to communicate, are all significant problems that the BoRU team takes issue with. However, the one we find most egregious is what this change will do to members of Reddit’s blind community. # How are blind Redditors impacted by this decision? In short, Reddit’s Official Apps leave a lot to be desired at best, and are barely functional at worst. The app on iOS has incorrectly labeled controls, doesn’t always work with swipe, and not all functions can be accessed. For blind moderators, it can be difficult to impossible to find the moderation functions necessary to moderate, and customizing layouts to better suit their needs or make the app easier to navigate is similarly difficult to impossible. Third party apps [have addressed](https://www.reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/141oqn8/comment/jn18tbc/) many of these types of issues because Reddit won’t, giving these underserved communities a voice that Reddit seems to have no problem taking away. You might ask yourself how blind users navigated Reddit before there were apps, and the answer is that [it didn’t always used to be this way](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13zbf3n/comment/jmrblhq/), but it has certainly [always had accessibility issues](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13zbf3n/comment/jmrfwuv/). In fact, [discussions about accessibility](https://www.reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/141oqn8/comment/jn198mn/) have been going on for months, if not years. Just a few months ago, Reddit received a [free consultation](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit/comments/11zso11/comment/jde89cx/) to make their mobile layout more accessible. [Reddit did not follow up](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13zbf3n/comment/jmrotsk/?context=8&depth=9) privately or publicly until the protest’s momentum [started to build](https://www.reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/141oqn8/comment/jn1375d/?context=3). Even after numerous, far more recent interactions with the Admin, there seems to be little progress or commitment concerning these issues. This type of interaction is exactly why we the BoRU mod team feel that Reddit is not making accessibility a priority. Subreddits like r/blind are vital for the visually impaired in various stages of blindness, providing not just a source of communal support, but insights, strategies, and resources to navigate their new and changing lives. In the wake of Reddit's changes, subreddits like r/blind will be forced to go dark, leaving an already overlooked group without the invaluable support they both need and deserve. These changes will also significantly impact volunteer run support subreddits such as r/transcribersofreddit and r/descriptionplease, which serve to allow visually impaired Redditors to read text images, and receive descriptions of visual content such as videos and images. These volunteers are indispensable to the blind community, because Reddit is the only social media website with no support for alternative text. As visually impaired Redditors are forced to use an app that is not designed with accessibility in mind, these communities will shrink, wither, and may cease to exist. (See [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=343&v=JqL-G3GFqRU&feature=youtu.be) for more details on this subject). For many of us, third party apps are a choice or a preference, but they are an absolute necessity for the visually impaired. The BoRU team is of the opinion that **pricing these apps out of existence before their own app is WCAG compliant is nothing short of passive discrimination.** The mod team of BoRU, and many others, feel that July 1st is an unrealistic timeline to make all the changes necessary to make their App accessible. At this point, the only reasonable course of action is for Reddit to publish a public list of key results that they are committed to addressing, and guarantee that third party functionality will be left unchanged until they do. Here at BoRU we take steps to try and ensure our content is accessible. We ask our contributors to provide image descriptions and to transcribe text images. Sometimes transcribing those text images can take significant time, especially when those images are numerous multi-image text exchanges. Our OPs have never complained when we make that request, even though it is not an official requirement. We find it inexcusable that Reddit cannot do the bare minimum to ensure their visually impaired users have a voice and community. Frankly, disabled individuals are often expected to pay a premium for the same basic things everyone else uses and enjoys for free. Visually impaired Redditors **deserve equal access**, and even if third party apps survive, they will not receive it. Those users will not have access to all of the content and features that the rest of Reddit will. Remember, NSFW content will be unavailable to regular users on third party apps, and yes, disabled people like porn too! # So what does all this mean for r/BestofRedditorUpdates? Some of our Mod team do use third party apps, both for casual browsing and for moderation. Others don’t. For us, this is not just about our personal preferences; it is about standing in opposition to ableism and making sure others have a voice. We have had many comments and modmails asking about the position of BoRU’s modteam. We wanted to discuss these matters internally ourselves first, to make sure we were on the same page before we made any sort of announcement. Now that we have: The mod team of r/BestofRedditorUpdates **is in agreement that we should join the blackout on June 12th.** We are prepared to remain blacked out for a **minimum** of 48 hours. This means that no one will be able to access any BoRU content until the blackout is over. In standing up for the voices of others, however, we don’t want to strip away the voices of our community. So now we want to hear from you. **If you support us in this decision, please share and upvote this post, and comment with your support.** How long will BoRU’s blackout last? Pending further developments, after 48 hours we will reassess the situation, taking into account what new statements have been released, how the protest is evolving, and what our users want. **EDIT:** After resounding support from our community, we are officially joining the blackout! Thank you all for voting, commenting, and spreading the word! **EDIT 2:** * When will BoRU come back? - We aren't sure at this time. After 48hrs we will reassess the situation and come to an agreement. We are deeply grateful for the support of our community in this -- many of you told us to black out as long as is necessary, and we cannot tell you how much this means to us. * How will I know when BoRU is coming back? - We will be transparent in r/ModCoord to make our position known. Likewise, if we feel it necessary to temporarily open BoRU up to make another announcement to get the most visibility, or check in with how our community is feeling, we will do exactly that. Just keep an eye out for announcements from us! * I want to help! - If you want to help, spread the word! Do not pressure other subreddits to join in the blackout, but let it be known that you support the subreddits that have or those which might still be voting on whether or not they should. You can also join us in not using Reddit for the 12-14th, and check in at r/ModCoord for the status of the protest! * Do you have a discord server? - Yep! [https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) &#x200B; **Update!** (13 days later) [**POLL: Vote on the Future of BestofRedditorUpdates!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/) \- 6/21/2023 Hello r/BestofRedditorUpdates! As many of you might have noticed, r/BestofRedditorUpdates has been blacked out for the last week. We did this after receiving [overwhelming support](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/) from you, our community, asking us to go dark not just for the initial 48 hours, but indefinitely. Privately, we as a mod team had already agreed to remain private for around a week if it seemed people were in support of that, and you sure were! This was not a decision that we made lightly, but we feel that discrimination in this day and age is an important cause to stand behind. There is a narrative circulating that subs are staying closed for petty reasons, but there is nothing petty about standing in opposition to ableism, which has always been at the forefront of our reasoning here. Some of the mod team have disabilities ourselves – certainly not all of us – but in this we were and continue to be united. **We don’t all need to have disabilities to understand the implications and the ramifications of looking the other way when we witness discrimination.** # So What’s Changed? Since we first made our post, alarmingly little has been done to remedy our concerns about how Reddit has been treating the visually impaired members of the site. Numerous meetings have been held between moderators and Reddit, but the transparency that the Admin team have promised – the promises that “they will be better” at communication – seem to be just that. In [discussions](https://www.reddit.com/r/Blind/comments/14ds81l/rblinds_meetings_with_reddit_and_the_current/) with the moderators of r/blind, it does not seem that this trend will be changing. If you’re thinking to yourself “but I thought they announced that accessibility focused 3rd Party apps would be exempt!” You’re partially right here. “Non-commercial” accessibility focused 3PA apps will be exempt. This means that the developers of these apps have agreed to work on and maintain their apps for free, incurring any other costs associated with running them out of their own pocket. Reddit also reserves the right to terminate those contracts for any reason, with only 30 days notice. “But that’s great, right?” Again, sort of. Visually impaired Redditors will still have no access to NSFW content. We still believe that disabled Redditors deserve **equal and equitable access to content**, and find this oversight in conflict with those beliefs. Moreover, as you can see in the previous link: the modtools associated with those 3PA are inadequate to actually mod with. What does this mean? It means that **blind Redditors will be unable to moderate their own communities**. Eventually the subreddit will either fall into disarray and disuse, or the mod team will be replaced by sighted Redditors (either forced in by Reddit against the community's will because of their new hard stance on unmodded communities, or because no one else can do it). If you believe in “nothing for us without us” you’ll understand the issue we have with this. Imagine if, for whatever reason, your favorite subs could no longer be modded by members of the community. What if suddenly, TwoxChromosomes could only be moderated by men? What if LGBTQ+ subs could only be moderated by cis straight people? Or if subs like AskMen could only be moderated by women? Take any of your favorite support subs – subs meant to provide help for the vulnerable – and imagine what those subs would be like if they were run by people who had no idea what it was like to be a member of that demographic. We find this **equally as discriminatory and ableist** as the initial decision to block 3PA, and struggle to understand why the Admins ignored the apps that the visually impaired [actually use](https://www.reddit.com/r/Blind/comments/1447ibp/what_apps_meet_your_access_needs/) in favor of apps with inferior mod tooling. Much like we felt that July 1st was not enough time for them to make their own app WCAG compliant, we do not feel a week and a half is enough time for the Admin’s chosen apps to develop proper and accessible modtools. Frankly, we find it shocking that the members of Reddit Admin currently coordinating efforts to assure accessibility were unaware that these apps did not offer much in the way of moderator tools. # Then Why Are You Open Now? You may have seen by now that all sorts of subreddits who decided to protest are being messaged in a most alarming manner by the Admin team with threats to remove moderators. For all their love of democracy, the Admin have been declaring that votes to stay private "make no sense," invalidating them and silencing communities who choose to remain blacked out. This, of course, goes against Reddit's earlier statements which [pledged](https://www.theverge.com/2023/6/15/23762501/reddit-ceo-steve-huffman-interview-protests-blackout) that communities would not be forced to reopen. There was apparently “no need,” since the blackout was having no impact. Something seems to have changed, because r/BestofRedditorUpdates is no exception to this. If you would like to read our full exchange with the Admin team, you can do so [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/admin-boru-exchange/). Our team received our first message on June 16th, telling informing us: *Hi everyone,* *We wanted to ensure that you are aware that the API update* ***does not impact moderation bots or sitewide tools to control spam or remove harmful content***\*\*. You can find more details in\*\* [*this article*](https://mods.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/16693988535309) *in our help center. You may have seen posts or received messages from users telling you these tools are going away or are somehow impacted, but this is not the case.* *We are aware that you have chosen to close your community permanently at this time. We are reaching out to find out if any moderators currently on the mod team would be willing to take steps to reopen the community. Subreddits exist for the benefit of the community of users who come to them for support and belonging and in the end, moderators are stewards of these spaces and in a position of trust. Your users rely on your community for information, support, entertainment, and finding connection with others who have similar interests. The ability to find and make these connections is incredibly important to many people and ensuring that active communities are able to remain stable and active (and open) is very important.* *Our goal here is to work with the existing mod team to find a path forward and make sure your subreddit is usable for the community which makes its home here. If you are not able or willing to reopen and maintain the community please let us know.* We were, of course, confused, as we had no intention of staying private permanently, but all the same we drafted a response informing them as such, pointing out we had polled the community before ever going dark, because we did not want to silence any of you during this process. We inquired further as to why we received such a message, and asked for clarity on what more we could do to respect our community, since we were simply doing what had been asked of us. The same day we received the following response: *Thank you for such a thorough reply here.* *Do you have a timeline for reopening the community? It's okay if you would rather wait some time to allow new posts but allowing the community to be readable in a restricted state would be a step in ensuring that your community is available as a resource for users who rely on information they find here.* *Again, we felt confused. As you all know, BestofRedditorUpdates is a meta repost sub. None of the content posted here is exclusive to this subreddit. All of it can be found elsewhere on the site, be it subs dedicated to asking AITA, telling stories of entitled whoevers, or those seeking relationship advice. Reddit seems under the impression that we host some sort of exclusive content, but the only content that could be considered exclusive to BoRU are the comments from you, our subscribers, who told us to “stay dark until it hurts.” We again expressed confusion, pointed them back to our concerns, and reaffirmed that we were committed to doing what our community asked of us. Four days later, on June 20th, we received the following:* *“Thank you for this reply.* *We will be monitoring subreddit status to decide next steps.”* # The Next Steps The messages we and other subs have received largely assume that the mods do not love their subreddits or their communities or that we are holding these subs hostage, but nothing could be further from the truth. Had our community not responded so positively to the suggestion that we go dark for longer than the 48hrs, we would not have done so. Now that it seems the Admin team is intent upon doing whatever they want to reopen the subreddits regardless of the thousands of you that told us to stay dark indefinitely, and the tens of thousands of you who took the time to let your approval be known in upvotes, we have decided to reopen to ask how you feel once more! Since the Reddit Admin team has made it clear that no vote to remain private will be respected, we are coming to you with an alternative. Since we are not in fact [landed gentry](https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/reddit-protest-blackout-ceo-steve-huffman-moderators-rcna89544), and even though democracy already decided what we should do previously (and is apparently not being respected), we wish to turn to it again! We have discussed this internally, and would like to make this subreddit the **Best of Redditor Updates about John Oliver!** What constitutes the “Best updates” of John Oliver you ask? Well, John Oliver is always the best, of course, so don’t hold back! Here’s a little list of what this change would entail: * The 7 day timegate rule will be suspended! * The META rules will be suspended! * The Repost rules will be suspended! * If someone posts about John Oliver to another sub, show us! * If someone mentions John Oliver on another website, post it! * If someone has a personal story about John Oliver, share it! * If a subreddit joins the John Oliver movement, tell us! If you are the OOP, you should still definitely make self-posts or posts on other subs before submitting to BoRU! We wouldn’t want to make any of our content exclusive to the sub, after all, where we might be depriving people of key information they rely on. And of course (unlike some other teams), we want to continue to be accessible to the visually impaired members of our community, so any images and videos about John Oliver should be described by our contributors. How long will this last? Well, just as before, we will continue to monitor the situation and try to communicate further with the Reddit Admin, reassessing our position based on how the protest is evolving, and what our users want. Regardless of how this vote plays out or what happens next, it is clear to us that in order to see our community protected and flourishing, some changes will need to be made to the sub. For the time being, **our** [**discord**](https://discord.com/invite/Hx2hym2juy) **(join up if you haven’t already!) will remain the same**, and will be the best place to hear about announcements before they’re announced! And if you’re bored, check out our [insights](https://imgur.com/a/iBnFmfy) that demonstrate and compare our engagement from the previous 7 days to the last 7 days, and more! If other subreddits are experiencing similar downtrends in views (aka eyes on ads), we question that the blackout protest had no impact on anything. Please take the time to vote in the poll by **UPVOTING or DOWNVOTING the two comments below**, and help us determine a path forward. Thanks so much for all of your support over the last 2 weeks. Your encouragement has been invaluable to us. \-The BoRU Mod Team **Update!** ( Same post 4 days later) [**POLL: Vote on the Future of BestofRedditorUpdates!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/) \- 6/25/2023 # VOTING HAS CLOSED! Thanks so much for your participation and questions over the last 48hrs! The BoRU Mod Team is happy to announce BoRU's rebrand to the BEST OF REDDITOR UPDATES ABOUT JOHN OLIVER! The results are: Yes, become the “Best of Redditor Updates (About John Oliver!)" - 12.0k points No John Oliver - 2425 votes [Here](https://i.imgur.com/TjqQWCh.png) is an image of the results! Heck, check out a [gallery](https://imgur.com/a/0ohfEcO) that includes the hourly insights of this post, so you can see the engagement trends and full descriptions of the previous imagery both in old and new Reddit. Contest mode has now been switched off, as we will no longer be tallying votes. Please sit tight and give us some time here to redo our rules and wiki before we properly open as the Best of Redditor Updates (About John Oliver!) We are not sure how long this will be the theme of our sub, but we are very excited to be taking this journey with you all. &#x200B; **Update!** ( 2 Hours Later) [POLL RESULTS: Our Grand reopening as the Best of Redditor Updates about John Oliver!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14iogxi/poll_results_our_grand_reopening_as_the_best_of/) Since the Admin refuse to respect the community's vote to remain private, r/BestofRedditorUpdates has [polled the community](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/) once more! That's right, we are now a **Best of Redditor Updates about John Oliver sub!** Check out [this gallery](https://imgur.com/a/0ohfEcO) to see how the voting trended! If you are confused as to why we are protesting please check out our previous announcement [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/), and our poll announcement [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/). * Why John Oliver? - There are 3 reasons! * We still want to [protest discrimination](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/), and right now malicious compliance seems the only way to do so. * You may have seen a lot of John Oliver content explode all over Reddit! As a Repost sub, we pull our content from elsewhere, so it made sense to repost what is already being posted while bringing awareness to the protest. * When people are bored of what's on Reddit, they visit less, which drives engagement down, so there are fewer eyes on ads! * When will it go back to normal? - We aren't sure at this time, as this is an evolving situation, but we expect this act of malicious compliance to last until **July 1st**, at which point either Reddit will stop discriminating or it will be too late, and even more communities for the blind will have no choice but [to close](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/comments/14ggf8k/the_future_of_transcribers_of_reddit/). * Where can I read normal BoRU content? - First and foremost you can [check out our discord](https://discord.com/invite/Hx2hym2juy) where our regular contributors have been posting much more typical updates! If you don't want to join Discord, you can check out [BestUpdates](https://lemmy.world/c/bestupdates) on Lemmy! It's run by a different team and they're still quite small, but we totally support them! * I want to help! - If you want to help, spread the word! Post content about John Oliver! Avoid giving Reddit traffic by joining the discord, or going to Lemmy! # How have the rules changed? You can check out our revised submission rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postrules/), and our revised participation rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules/)! **Things that changed:** * All posts must be reposts about John Oliver! * No 7 day time gate rule! * No gatekeeping what is or isn’t the best of John Oliver! * [All new flair!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postflairs/) **Rules that stayed the same:** * No hate speech * Be Civil * Be Kind to Contributors * Low effort comments may be removed * No agenda to malign marginalized groups or spread misinformation * No Brigading (do not comment on linked posts) * Use Trigger Warnings * Use Flair * Fake posts with compelling evidence of fakeness will be flaired fake, not removed * If you are OOP you should post your content elsewhere first * OPs should link to original sources The sub is now open! Have at it everyone! &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster**

CEO plans to implement rule changes that are discriminatory. John Oliver steps in.

JOHNGOING

Lieutenant_Scarecrow

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ir0cl/ceo_plans_to_implement_rule_changes_that_are/

14irbyk

This is a repost sub. Original posts by various contributors at [r/characterdrawing](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/). **17 Jun 2023** Mods of r/characterdrawing end their blackout and ask users to [decide the future of the sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/comments/14c0yqm/poll_decide_the_future_of_rcharacterdrawing/). What a crazy time, eh? Reddit decided to kill off third-party applications, we've had a protest, the site showed up in the news, various communities started opening back up, others decided to stay inaccessible, and then the CEO of Reddit implied that a bunch of moderators would be removed from their positions because we aren't respecting the will of our communities. Earlier today we received our first request to end the protest, and reddit has made it clear they will force subs open eventually. To ensure we're following your wishes, we have decided the best option is to open this up for a vote. So we are offering the following as possible futures for r/characterdrawing, which were suggested by users of our Discord community, and will abide by the vote: Reopen as usual Only allow TTRPG characters based on John Oliver Only allow drawings of John Oliver as a Sonic the Hedgehog OC In the thread below, upvote the option(s) you support and downvote the ones you don't. You can vote for or against as many options as you want. Whatever the community decides, we will respect it. EDIT: (this poll will remain open for 24 hours) **21 Jun 2023** r/characterdrawing has voted, and the decision is: [The John Oliver Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/comments/14f4lef/the_john_oliver_update/) Hey everyone. To quote a wise man: “I love democracy.” You voted and you were clear: An overwhelming amount would like to: Only allow drawings of John Oliver as a Sonic the Hedgehog OC. We will accept your decision and modify this sub according to the communities wishes. What will this mean? Any LFA/RF/OC not about John Oliver will be deleted. This also means any post that does not mention John Oliver in its title will be deleted automatically. Attempts to get around this will be deleted manually instead. ​ In a generous attempt to preserve the sanity of all involved, non-sonic OC submissions of John Oliver are also acceptable (this was the second most voted option). These changes will go into effect immediately. They will stay in effect indefinitely until we no longer have the impression that the current leadership of reddit would like to sink the ship in the name of an IPO. All those who would like a break from John Oliver OCs, we coridally invite to our discord: https://discord.gg/aaK36ZBx2Z ​ Thank you all for participating and understanding. **Current contributions** [Dr. John Oliver Eggman](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/comments/14g4f6w/rf_dr_john_olivereggman/) [John Oliver as dictator](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/comments/14ihu3f/lfa_john_oliver_inspired_dictator_for_my_campaign/) [John Oliver the Half Dragon](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/comments/14icinp/rf_john_rayela_oliver_the_half_dragon_illusionist/) [John Oliver Vampire](https://www.reddit.com/r/characterdrawing/comments/14i87tg/oc_john_oliver_the_vampire_lord/) Flaired ‘ongoing’ as contributions are expected to continue.

r/characterdrawing switches to John Oliver characters only

JOHNGOING

FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14irbyk/rcharacterdrawing_switches_to_john_oliver/

14irt68

He worked through data brokers to target the DC area and narrowed the data sets down to target data likely to belong to lawmakers. He unveiled this on his show "Last Week Tonight" to showcase how easy it is to target people with the rampant data collection and sales we have today. Since the episode aired, nothing has happened at the federal level, [though there have been some laws passed at the state level.](https://www.reuters.com/legal/legalindustry/us-data-privacy-laws-enter-new-era-2023-2023-01-12/) https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-news/last-week-tonight-john-oliver-recap-season-9-episode-7-congress-data-1335598/

John Oliver cleverly protested a lack of U.S. consumer data protection laws

INCONOLIVER

RecluseGamer

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14irt68/john_oliver_cleverly_protested_a_lack_of_us/

14iy788

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ **John Oliver: She Came With The Night** **Originally posted to** r/pics [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/14f64c1/john_oliver_she_came_with_the_night/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 21, 2023** [Update - John Oliver: She Came With The Night (a sensual fan fiction)](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/14fag5n/john_oliver_she_came_with_the_night_a_sensual_fan/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 21, 2023** https://preview.redd.it/72kbbw3itd7b1.jpg?width=1374&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=fd659e0aa2e53b23fd92329eac9835da44b83a53 John Oliver sat behind his desk, the familiar bright lights illuminating the set of "Last Week Tonight." It was another Sunday, another episode to tackle, and this time, the topic at hand was none other than himself. Reddit had exploded with posts and discussions about John Oliver, and he couldn't resist diving into the sea of sexually charged content that had sprung up overnight. ​ With his signature wit and charm, John embarked on a monologue about the peculiar fascination Redditors had developed with sharing images of him. From cleverly captioned memes to hilarious gifs, the internet was swarming with John Oliver content. Little did he know that in the audience tonight sat a devoted Redditor who had posted countless images of him. ​ As the cameras began to roll, John addressed the audience explaining how he stumbled upon the Reddit phenomenon, discovering countless threads dedicated to analyzing his every word and gesture. The internet had become obsessed with him, and he intended to give them something worth obsessing over. ​ With a cheeky smile, John started exploring the various subreddits that had become his unofficial fan clubs. He clicked open the first one — /r/Pics —filled with images of his most scandalous moments. The audience erupted in laughter as the snippets of him as an animated Zazu played on the screen behind him. ​ John couldn't help but feel a certain thrill as he watched himself become a meme. The thought of so many strangers finding him attractive in their own unique way was oddly exhilarating. He chuckled and commented on the absurdity of it all, embracing the attention with good humor. ​ The segment continued, delving into the depths of Reddit's discussions. John sifted through threads where users debated the subtle nuances of his comedic timing, dissected his monologues, theorized about his double-secret workout routine, and even analyzed the way he moved his hands. He read out some of the most passionate and, at times, steamy comments that fans had posted. ​ The audience giggled as John recited the words, pretending to be flustered but secretly enjoying the playful admiration. The atmosphere in the studio grew warmer as the segment progressed, a mixture of laughter and a hint of something more lingering in the air. ​ As the camera panned across the crowd, John's eyes locked with those of a woman sitting in the front row. There was a mischievous spark in her gaze, a shared understanding of the playful tension that had built during the segment. It was as if time had frozen, and the world disappeared, leaving only the two of them. She was the epitome of beauty, with cascading waves of luscious hair and a smile that could melt hearts. She embodied the confidence and intelligence that he admired in his fans, and he couldn't resist but engage with her. ​ "Ah, I see we have a Redditor in the house," John quipped as he felt his impressively large manhood quiver, his voice slightly husky with a hint of flirtation. The woman blushed and nodded, causing a ripple of laughter throughout the studio. ​ The remainder of the segment became a delightful exchange between John and the woman. They bantered back and forth, teasing and challenging each other's comedic prowess. The chemistry between them was palpable, a tantalizing dance of words and glances. ​ As the show came to an end, John bid farewell to the audience, but he couldn't shake off the connection he had formed with the mysterious Redditor. He wondered what might happen if they were to meet outside the studio, away from the public eye. ​ Determined to explore this connection further, John reached out to her through a private message. He proposed meeting in a discreet location, away from the prying eyes of the internet. To his delight, she agreed. ​ The night was sultry as they met at a quaint café, hidden from the chaos of the city. The air crackled with electricity as John locked eyes with the woman he had only known from afar. Her enchanting eyes held a promise of mystery and adventure. ​ As they sat across from each other, John found himself captivated by her every word: “Hi, I’m Emily. Comment karma is the only karma that counts.” Her voice, a soft melody that danced in his ears, spoke of desires hidden beneath layers of decorum. Their conversation effortlessly blended humor and intellect, creating a magnetic pull between them. ​ With each passing moment, the tension grew, building a palpable longing that hung in the air. Their eyes locked in an unspoken agreement, and without a word, they left the café and embarked on an escapade through the dimly lit streets. ​ Underneath the moonlit sky, they wandered aimlessly, aching for a moment of stolen intimacy. Their bodies brushed against each other, the faintest of touches sending shivers down their spines. John's fingertips traced the contours of her face, his touch igniting a spark that set both their loins ablaze. ​ Their lips met in a passionate collision, a crescendo of desire that had been building for far too long. Their kisses were wild and untamed, each one a symphony of longing and fulfillment. The world around them faded into oblivion as they surrendered to the throes of passion. ​ Lost in the depths of their embrace, John whispered words of adoration, his voice a velvet caress against her skin. The night became a whirlwind of stolen moments and whispered promises. They surrendered to the primal need that had drawn them together, exploring the depths of pleasure in each other's arms. ​ As dawn broke on the horizon, they lay entwined in each other's embrace, savoring the remnants of their stolen night. The world outside beckoned them back to reality, but the memory of their encounter would forever burn bright in their souls. ​ John Oliver had embarked on a journey that took him beyond the confines of his television persona that threatened to shake him to his muscular core. ​ Date nights turned to weekends. Weekends turned into getaways. Getaways quickly became months without leaving one another’s side. As the years went by, John and Emily's love only grew stronger. They continued to bask in the adoration of his fans and the warmth of their affection for each other. They shared countless inside jokes, deepening their connection and strengthening the bond that held them together. ​ Little did John know that beneath Emily's enchanting form, she harbored a secret—a secret that would challenge the very foundation of their fairytale love story. ​ One fateful evening, as John and Emily strolled along the picturesque beach of his private estate, a strange occurrence took place. The tranquil waters began to ripple, and a low, guttural rumble echoed through the air. John turned to Emily, his eyes wide with a mix of curiosity and fear. ​ Suddenly, Emily's human facade melted away, revealing her true form—a magnificent sea creature with diamond scales that shimmered under the moonlight. John's heart raced, caught between awe, arousal, and disbelief. He reached out, hesitating for only a moment before placing his trembling hand on her scaly skin. ​ "What . . . what is this?" John managed to whisper, his voice a mixture of shock and wonder. ​ Emily met his gaze with her large, soulful eyes. Her voice resonated in his mind, a gentle melody that caressed his thoughts. ​ "John, my love," she began, her voice filled with a bittersweet tone. "I am the Loch Ness Monster, drawn to your incredible spirit, your unwavering dedication to truth, and the boundless love you've shown me. In you, I found a love I never thought possible." ​ Tears welled up in John's eyes as he listened to her words, torn between the fantastical and the reality he had come to know. ​ "Emily, I... I don't know what to say," he managed to utter, his voice trembling. "I love you, no matter what form you take, but how can we be together if you are the legendary Loch Ness Monster?" ​ Emily's gaze softened, a mix of sadness and understanding in her eyes. ​ "I can choose to remain in my human form, to be with you, to share this love we've built," she whispered, her voice filled with a gentle determination. "But in doing so, I would lose my true nature, my essence. And I fear, in time, that loss would erode the love we hold so dear." ​ John's heart sank as he grappled with the impossible choice before him. The love they shared was undeniable, but so were the vast differences that now stood between them. ​ With a heavy heart, John reached out once more, his touch a mixture of longing and farewell. ​ "Emily, my love, I cherish every moment we've shared," he murmured, tears streaming down his face. "If being true to yourself means letting go of me, then I understand. But please know that our love will forever reside in my heart." ​ Emily, her eyes filled with a mix of love and regret, nodded in silent acknowledgment. And with a final gaze, she slipped beneath the surface of the waves, her serpentine form disappearing into the depths. ​ John stood alone on the shores, his heart heavy with a love lost but never forgotten. The memory of Emily, both as the enchanting Redditor and the majestic Loch Ness Monster, would forever be etched in his soul. ​ As the months went by, John’s love of Emily love only intensified, defying the odds and transcending the boundaries of human and mythical creature. His passion burned with an intensity that could rival a thousand suns, a love story written in the stars. ​ Despite the challenges they faced, John could not deny the pull of his heart toward Emily, even in her Loch Ness Monster form. He vowed to fight for their love, for destiny had brought them together, and no force could tear them apart. ​ John had no choice. He had to go to the loch. One moonlit night, as the ethereal glow bathed the shores of Loch Ness, John ventured into the water, determined to reach Emily's magnificent presence. The cool embrace of the water clung to his muscular and taut body as he swam deeper, driven by an unrelenting desire to be reunited with his love. Each stroke of his tree trunk arms moved gallons of water and brought him that much closer to his low. ​ In the depths of the loch, surrounded by a symphony of shimmering water and echoes of distant laughter, John's eyes caught sight of Emily's majestic form. She swam gracefully, her scales glistening like a thousand stars, while her eyes, filled with a love so profound, captivated his very soul. ​ Their gazes locked, igniting a fiery connection that defied logic. In that moment, time stood still, and the world fell away, leaving only their two hearts, beating in perfect harmony. For a moment, a chiseled late-night talk show god and a prehistoric lizard from the Paleozoic era were one. John reached out, his trembling hand guided by the power of love, and Emily swam closer, her eyes brimming with adoration. ​ Their lips met in a passionate kiss, a union of human and mythical, sealing their eternal bond. Emily’s scaly tongue brushing against John’s back molars. The waters trembled with the intensity of their love, and the moon above seemed to shine brighter, basking in their celestial love affair. ​ United against all odds, John and Emily rose to the surface, their bodies entwined as Emily supported John with her tail, their love radiating like a beacon for all to see. They emerged from the water, a vision of otherworldly romance, their love transcending the realms of human imagination. ​ Whispers of their extraordinary love spread throughout the land, captivating the hearts of millions. Their tale became the stuff of legends, celebrated in the annals of romance as the ultimate testament to the power of love. ​ Together, they danced under starlit skies, their bodies moving in perfect harmony, lost in a world where time ceased to exist. They whispered sweet nothings in each other's ears, their voices carrying promises of forever, of a love that would never waver. ​ As they stood on a cliff overlooking a breathtaking sunset, John held Emily close, his heart overflowing with love. ​ "Emily, my soulmate, I am forever grateful for the love we share," John proclaimed, his voice filled with unwavering devotion. "You are the missing piece of my heart, the muse that inspires my every word. Together, we are unstoppable." ​ Emily, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears of joy, looked deep into John's eyes. "My love, you have unlocked the depths of my heart, revealing a love more profound than any myth. With you, I have found my true self." ​ And so, their love story continued, an eternal romance that defied logic and embraced the extraordinary. John Oliver, the charismatic host, and Emily, the enigmatic Loch Ness Monster, danced through life hand in hand. ​ Years later, sitting behind the desk of "Last Week Tonight," he couldn't help but glance at the photographs on his desk. Looking past his smoldering eyes and salt and pepper haired reflection, he saw her. Her image served as a constant reminder of the extraordinary love they had shared—a love that transcended the boundaries of reality and interspecies relations. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

John Oliver: She Came With The Night

JOHNCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14iy788/john_oliver_she_came_with_the_night/

14jhqdd

**I am not John Oliver. Original post and update by u/reclusegamer in r/reclusegamer** Original:https://www.reddit.com/user/RecluseGamer/comments/14jh8ip/aita_for_starting_a_house_project_without/ trigger warnings: >!Cringe!< mood spoilers: >!There's a lot of sourpusses in BORU recently!< --- My wife, Kate (45 F) and I (46 John Oliver) have a spare room in our home. We’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. We already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. I’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. These mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. I, John Oliver, made a new friend, Adam Driver (39M), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. I’ve actually never had that many friends, so this connection is especially important to me. The conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. He would ask me why he was chained to the wall in my basement, and I would beg him to physically abuse me both on my show and in person. I, John Oliver, didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him. One of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for acting and violence. Adam Driver is way, way more talented than I am when it comes to acting, but it’s something we both enjoy. His birthday is coming up soon and I thought on top of what else I was getting him, I could turn the spare room into something similar to an acting studio for us both to use. I already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what I was doing. I, John Oliver, explained that I was finally fixing up the spare room. She said it was unacceptable I had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but I didn’t think I would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched. AITA? --- Update (a long time ago): https://www.reddit.com/user/RecluseGamer/comments/14jhceg/update_aita_for_starting_a_house_project_without/ UPDATE: AITA for starting a house project without discussing it with my wife? Original post here. First off, I’d like to thank everyone who was compassionate towards me, John Oliver, in the comments. Adam Driver and I sat down and talked on Tuesday night about everything. It was... overwhelming, to say the least. He was stoic and mountain-like, as always, and allowed me the time and space to say everything I needed to. That night was one of the most beautiful of my life. Acceptance, love, and his foot on my throat are truly so, so powerful. Life-changing. Kate and I had a conversation about the acting room last night. John Oliver had been putting it off since my post a few days ago and was hoping to wait until the weekend to talk about it all, but she insisted. I did as a lot of comments suggested and used the renovation as a lead in to talk about the other things going on. I told her that her reaction to it brought up a lot of confusing emotions for me that I’ve spent the last few days working through and things continued from there. I had toyed with the idea of couples therapy and it was something she suggested, but I don’t think it’s a viable option. I love her, but I’ve come to realize that I was never in love with her like I once thought. And after getting to really and truly experience that... it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if we tried to force something that I’m not capable of giving to her. I’ll be splitting my time. I’ll be staying in the Last Week Tonight studio set, and my meaty oak tree Adam Driver in his apartment for the time being while we separate and work things out moving forward. Obviously that means the acting room renovations have been paused until further notice. I, John Oliver, am really, really excited for the future. ETA: clarification on my current living situation --- **Notable comments **: --- 1) **Commenter** - "It great your have found someone you truly love but really dude have some compassion for Kate. Do you realize you just threw her who life upside down by telling her the person she is probably in love with never actually loved her and never could and now you also suddenly move in the person you 'truly love' into the home she probably envisioned as a place you two would raise a family. I would never say you should live a lie to make her family or any of that bs but you seriously could just do this more tactfully you know by not moving him in so quickly, hell do you even know once the divorce process is done that either of you will even own this house anymore." **John Oliver's reply** - "Sorry, I think my wording is coming off wrong in the post because another person thought the same thing. To clarify, I didn’t move Adam Driver into my home. I meant that I’m now sometimes staying in a guest room at my own home (so Kate and I aren’t sleeping in the same bed) and sometimes staying at Adam Driver’s while we get through this transitional period." ~ 2) **Commenter**- "If only you had this conversation before emotionally cheating on her. But at least you took people's advice and not drag it any longer. But why are you splitting time between the house you currently live with Kate and Adam Driver's? Isn't that a little insensitive? I know you guys have broken up, but you're essentially going to be reminding Kate that every night you're not at the house, you're over at the place of the person you left her for having your brain impaled. Why not just stay at Adam Driver's while you guys sort everything out? I also vaguely remember a comment about the house being a lifelong birthday present for Kate. Just curious, what happened to that? Does that mean you're buying Kate's share of the house?" **John Oliver's reply** - "I’m currently looking for a place of my own to stay for the time being. I don’t expect Adam Driver, the star of Star Wars, to house me full time on such short notice. We haven’t began discussing how we’re splitting assets yet. I don’t think she’s particularly interested in keeping the house, or if that’s an option for her." ~ 3) **Commenter** - "Are you in love with Adam Driver?" **John Oliver's reply** - "I don’t know if I’m fully prepared to confront this yet. While I subconsciously knew my feelings for Adam Driver were a lot different and more intense than anything I had ever felt before, it was hard to even admit that to myself a little while ago. That’s why all of the sexuality questions on the last post felt off to me— it was forcing me to be vulnerable. They also made me angry, in a way. Because literal strangers were pointing out things about me from a simple post/few comments that I struggled to see about myself. In an attempt to answer your question… if this isn’t what “in love” feels like, I’m kind of scared to experience the real thing with how all consuming this level of fulfillment already is." ~ 4) **Commenter** - "Is he in love with you?" **John Oliver's reply** - "You would need to ask him that one. The level of care and overwhelming support I’ve received all throughout our friendship but especially since we had our conversation certainly makes me feel loved." **Reminder: I'm not John Oliver. This is a repost sub.**

John Oliver builds an Acting Room

JOHNFIRMED FAKE

RecluseGamer

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14jhqdd/john_oliver_builds_an_acting_room/

14jsqde

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/This_Manner_256 in r/antiwork** --- &nbsp; [**I just deleted thousands of hours of work from my old job**](https://old.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/r5tn55/i_just_deleted_thousands_of_hours_of_work_from_my/) - 2021-11-30 About 3 years ago I used to work as a videographer doing social media content for a 7 figure company. I was paid roughly just better than minimum wage and was cranking out (at one point) 50 videos a day. I was freelancing and was on a loose contract. I was desperate for the money. It was an insane amount of work and however I managed to do it for 6 months is beyond me, especially for how shitty I was paid. The office was an incredibly bitter and snide place and it was clear that management would purpolsely stir shit to watch staff fight as a form of entertainment. I kept well away from it but it was incredibly stressful on top of video work. After about six months I pitch to the higher ups that my videos are making an insanely positive difference to their sales (I showed them graphs of interactions and direct links to sales on the website via my content) and asked for a pay rise. I compared my ideal salary to others in the industry and made a big deal about how it would still be less than I should be paid however I still wanted to continue working for them. I was fired hours later for, and I shit you not, not "pulling my weight" as well as not having the desired effect they wanted on social media. I was fuming and now unemployed. I struggled for months to find any other job. Today (years later) whilst browsing a very old Google drive account, I found that said company was still using a folder I created and owned. They were mostly active in the files containing templates, adjustment layers, presets, and even video that I all created. Over 18 people were actively using it daily to continue with their social media campaigns. This was a cloud service that I was paying monthly for as I wanted extra space for my work. This is my drive and my work. I own it. So I copied the file as a local version for myself and then deleted the online version. Tomorrow they will wake up with none of their video assets (including things they were working on). Fuck them. &nbsp; [**Anti work update**](https://old.reddit.com/user/This_Manner_256/comments/zctdbr/anti_work_update/) - 2022-12-05 Hi fellas, This is a throwaway account I never use so I only just saw I have over 200 messages about my anti work post lol The update is, nothing. Nothing has came from what happened. The company obviously had no more access to my files so they no longer feature them in their promotion, which is about as good as I can ask for. I also noticed that since then all their video output is very very below par, and borderline amateur given their size. The takeaway is, know your rights and stand up in your workplaces. Join your local union, protect yourself, help and educate others. We all gotta stand together to beat this cruel employer world. Stay minty >!John Oliver. !< &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

John Oliver deletes thousands of hours of work from his old job

JOHNFIRMED FAKE

BlushVioletPrincess

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14jsqde/john_oliver_deletes_thousands_of_hours_of_work/

14jtwnq

**I am OP**. Original post by u/bananarchy22 in r/BestofRedditorUpdates Jun 26, 2023 Trigger warnings: >!Curse words!< Mood spoiler: >!Wholesome because John Oliver is awesome!< &#x200B; &#x200B; Today I was sad because I missed visiting one of my favorite social media sites, and since it's pride month, was hoping to attempt (and probably fail) to enlighten a stranger on the Internet about the beauty of gender diversity and the inalienable rights of queer and trans folx. Update: Same post, minutes later It turns out my favorite time-wasting sub is now a John Oliver update sub! And since he does such a great job explaining this topic, I'll let him take it from here. Transcript below. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmoAX9f6MOc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmoAX9f6MOc) **Marked as JohnGoing because I am going to watch more videos.** Transcript: Moving on, moving on. This... this has clearly been a big week for the LGBT community. But it's also been a big year for the "T" part of that equation, from Caitlyn Jenner's "Vanity Fair" cover to TV shows like "Transparent," to another small milestone just this Friday. Actress Laverne Cox marked another milestone with a drop of a curtain at Madame Tussauds San Francisco. Now that is a big step forward for transgender Americans, and it's frankly about time. Because bear in mind, it came after the same milestone for spider Americans and Wookies. But for all the strides transgender people have made lately, let's not get too complacent about how far we've come, because they still face a host of obstacles. Even when the news media are trying to be supportive, they can make dumb mistakes. Your private parts are different now, aren't they ? I don't want to talk about it because it's still... it's really personal. Don't you feel funny with the wrong genitalia ? Not as a joke... you stand up in the women's bathroom. \- You've got breast implants ? I, you know, I... They're tasteful, whatever's going on there. So if I saw you undressed, you would look like a woman to me, totally. Yes ? What are you doing ? It is no more okay to ask transgender people about their sex organs than it would be to ask Jimmy Carter whether or not he's circumcised, which, by the way, he is. Smooth like a boiled carrot. And... and sometimes... don't think about that... and sometimes the media's confusion is even more basic than that, as in the case of this Arizona weatherman just two weeks ago. And a transgender woman says she was kicked out of a Tempe bar. Let's bring it back to that earlier headline. Now what is a transgender woman ? \- Yes ? \- What does that even mean now ? \- Okay. \- Do we need a break ? She used to be a guy. But now is a woman. \- This is... this is... Okay. \- So weird. Aren't you just saying a woman then ? I can't even keep up anymore ! Holy shit. I really hope that's also how he reports the weather. "Wait... wait ! It used to be rainy and now it's sunny ?" "So... so now it's just sunny ? I can't even keep up anymore !" "I can't... This doesn't make my head work." Look. Look, though, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe for him and for many people, this is new information. Maybe he's thinking about transgender issues for the first time and he needs a minute to try and understand it. So let's take that minute to fill in that bamboozled weatherman and everyone else on some basic details. Transgender people have a gender identity that differs from the one they were assigned at birth, and that gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. Gender identity is who you are. Sexual orientation is who you love. Some transgender people do undergo hormone therapy or sex reassignment surgery as part of their transition, some do not. And interestingly, their decision on this matter is, medically speaking, none of your fucking business. And if you're still wondering, "Well, hold on, hold on." "What... what do I call a transgender person ? It's so confusing." Actually it's pretty simple. Call them whatever they want to be called. You can do it. We do it all the time. Think of it this way. David Evans woke up one day and said, "Everyone call me The Edge." And we all went, "Fine, The Edge. Are we talking the noun or the verb ?" And that's... it's not just that. It's not just that. Over the past 20 years, we've agreed to call this man Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, just Diddy, and now Puff Daddy again, and most people don't even like him. And... and here's the thing. Here's the important thing. It's genuinely crucial that we get this right. Cause there are more transgender people in the US than you might realize. One study estimates that nearly 700,000 American adults are transgender. That's more than the population of Boston, and you probably know someone from Boston. I'll give you a clue... it was the guy who wore a Bruins jersey to your sister's wedding. And while... while a handful of transgender people have been winning awards or appearing on magazine covers, the community at large has been facing some staggering challenges. A 2011 survey by the National Center for Transgender Equality found 41% of transgender people had attempted suicide. They're nearly four times more likely to make less than $10,000 a year compared to the general population. 78% of those surveyed reported harassment during K-through-12 schooling, 35% reported physical assault, and 12% were sexually assaulted. That is terrible. Those statistics are so depressing, it's enough to make you angry at the very concept of numbers. "Fuck you, symbols meant to represent a specific value !" "You're the absolute worst ! The worst !" Look, look, we've clearly got work to do. Because when you're transgender, pretty much any interaction with bureaucracy can be humiliatingly difficult. Just take what happened to two transgender women when they went to the DMV in West Virginia. Both women were asked to remove all their jewelry, makeup and wigs before the DMV would photograph them. They're saying that I need to fulfill certain... a certain look that they are designating means "male." And that I'm, you know, hiding who I am, which I'm absolutely not. Both women say they were also referred to as "it." Words can't explain the humiliation I felt that day. That was the worst thing in 52 years of my life I have ever felt. Listen, I'm not saying anyone has a good DMV experience, but that is the worst I have ever heard. And for the record, you get to pick virtually everything else on your driver's license. They ask you your weight. They don't weigh you like a prize hog. Plus, the whole idea of a driver's license photo is to present how you look from day to day. That's why DMV employees tell you not to smile, because they can't imagine anyone whose normal existence involves happiness in any form. And even in... even in organizations that have seemed willing to change, that change has come frustratingly slowly. Take the military. Both the secretary of defense and President Obama have indicated they are open to transgender troops being able to serve. And yet, they're still banned from enlisting because of weirdly archaic restrictions on things like "defects of the genitalia such as change of sex" and "psychosexual conditions including but not limited to transsexualism and transvestism." Our current recruitment poster is essentially, "I want you, maybe, after we talk about your genitals for a bit." "I know that's weird, but for the moment," "this is apparently how we do things." And yet, even despite those restrictions on enlistment, by one estimate, there are currently 15,000 transgender service members. And while you can be discharged for being transgender, those rules are enforced inconsistently depending on your branch of service and commanding officer. Meaning experiences can vary wildly. For some, like Logan Ireland, it can be great. What I like about this deployment is I can be my authentic self. I'm just another guy. Whereas back home, I'm still seen as female, and I go by female regs and standards. Here in Afghanistan, a war zone, it's like a vacation to me, because I can be myself in such an austere environment. It is not a great sign for how we treat transgender people that Afghanistan is "a place where you can be yourself." That is the least likely tourism slogan for Afghanistan. "Well, I'd put it right behind Water Park Capital of the World and Birthplace of the Twerk." But compare that with the experience of Captain Jacob Eleazer of the Army National Guard, who faced discharge for being transgender despite his own commander's support and the fact he was being awarded a medal. The thing that stuck with me the most is as they were pinning that Army commendation medal on me, my regimental commander said, "Thank you for everything that you've done for our regiment, Jacob." And used... used my real name. And I... I can't express just the emotion of that juxtaposition. It's like you're kicking me out, but... you're acknowledging me for myself and giving me an award at the same time. That's utterly ridiculous. They gave him an award and then tried to kick him out. It's pretty much what Hollywood did to Cuba Gooding, Jr., and that wasn't okay either. But... but this is the big problem. Because even when people say the right things about the transgender community, too often, practical change fails to follow. And perhaps the perfect embodiment of this concerns bathrooms. We all use them. As the good book tells us, "Everyone Poops." Or, as it's known in England, "Everyone Poops But the Queen." She has people do it for her. Across the country, there have been efforts by lawmakers to fight nondiscrimination ordinances with so-called bathroom bills, like this one in Arizona. It's a new show-me-your-papers bill for Arizona. The sex on your birth certificate would have to match the sex of the bathroom or locker room that you use. The target ? Transgender men and women here in Arizona. Six months in jail, $2,500 fine, for just going in to pee. $2,500 fine for peeing in the wrong place. Look, unless you happen to urinate a 1989 Chateau Petrus, you're not even going to break even on that deal. In the most recent session, at least 13 bathroom bills have been introduced in state legislatures, and the reasoning behind them can be pretty insulting. Just listen to presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. We are now in city after city watching ordinances that say that your seven-year-old daughter, if she goes into the restroom, cannot be offended, and you can't be offended, if she is greeted there by a 42-year-old man who feels more like a woman than he does a man. I wish someone had told me when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I'm pretty sure I would have found my feminine side and said, "Coach, I think I'd rather shower with the girls today." You're laughing because it sounds so ridiculous, doesn't it ? There's something inherently wrong with forcing little children to be a part of this social experiment. No. But there is something inherently wrong with forcing us to listen to your fucked-up daydreams about all the sex crimes you would have committed as a teenager had you just been able to find a legal loophole. That's weird. And that... that kind of baseless fear-mongering is everywhere. It even turned up in a campaign ad when Gainesville, Florida, was trying to pass one of these bills. On January 28, 2008, your City Commission made this legal. Okay, let's... let's break that bullshit down. Because first, assaulting children is still illegal. Secondly, someone abusing a nondiscrimination ordinance to assault someone in a bathroom is almost unheard of. It's a borderline imaginary crime, like dragon rustling or space bestiality. Sure, it's terrible, but it doesn't really happen. Also, forcing transgender people into certain bathrooms can actually be much more disruptive, as activist Michael Hughes, a transgender man, showed with this photo of himself looking understandably awkward in a ladies' room. Because there are many places that Michael would fit in. A tattoo parlor in Reno, playing steel guitar in a Johnny Cash tribute band, or on the label of his own barbeque sauce. But a women's bathroom ? Not so much. Besides, it is so much easier for everyone when people are allowed to use the bathroom matching their gender identity rather than one that might match the genitalia they were born with. That is why the little pictures on bathroom doors are stereotypical representations of men and women, and not biologically accurate depictions of penises and vaginas. Because that would be troubling for children. "Mommy ! Mommy ? "Do I go with the one with the pouty slug" "or the angry goat skull ?" "I'm scared." And yet, legislators have even tried to enforce these bills in high schools, with damaging consequences. Take the case of Henry Brousseau, a transgender high school student who spoke in opposition to a proposed bathroom bill in Kentucky. Even though I've been living as a male for some time, I've been... been accepted by my friends and family as male, I was being forced to use the girls' bathroom at my school until very recently. Because the school administration did not support my gender identity by letting me use the restrooms concordant with my gender identity, the kids at my school bullied me. The kids thought that because the administration didn't support my gender identity, they didn't have to either. And that is the whole point. Official rules can end up legitimizing prejudice. And besides, teenagers really don't need extra ideas for how to make each other's lives miserable. That's what they do. "Sit on your own, Becca." "Side ponytails are so five nevers ago." And look, as Henry finished his speech, it actually seemed like he'd really connected with the legislators. If you don't know a transgender kid already, you do know... you do now. You know me, Henry. Please let me know how I can be of any further assistance, and thank you so much for your time today. And please vote no on Senate Bill 76. I educated myself a lot today and I appreciate the testimony. You should be proud of yourself for being able to stand in front of this committee and be so articulate in your comments. Henry, I love you, man. I appreciate you. I appreciate your courage. I can't really imagine that anyone else in this room has the kind of courage that it took for you to come and testify today. Okay, okay. But "I love you, man" is a little much. I love Henry, too, but he's not the best man at your wedding. He's a teenage boy trying to take a shit in the men's room. And... and it's worth noting, once they were done patting Henry on the back and then patting themselves for patting Henry, all three of those lawmakers voted to advance the bill to force him into bathrooms where he's bullied. Now, thankfully, that particular bill never became law. But that dynamic of praising a transgender person's courage and then not actually supporting them speaks to the fact that we are weirdly comfortable celebrating transgender people while simultaneously dehumanizing them at the DMV, pinning awards to them as we drum them out of the military, and constantly quizzing them about their genitals. And look, this is a civil rights issue. And if you are not willing to support transgender people for their sake, at least do it for your own. Because we've been through this before. We know how this thing ends. If you take the anti-civil rights side and deny people access to something they're entitled to, history is not going to be kind to you. There is no biopic where Liam Neeson kicks the shit out of a suffragist. There's... there's... there's not a stamp featuring George Wallace at the schoolhouse door. And you are not going to get a monument that says at the base of it, "He told people where to shit." And now this. &#x200B;

John Oliver argues for trans rights better than I could!

JOHNGOING

bananarchy22

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14jtwnq/john_oliver_argues_for_trans_rights_better_than_i/

14kerta

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by LIVELYCLOCK in [livelyclock.substack.com](https://livelyclock.substack.com)\*\* trigger warnings: >!dislike of John Oliver and a lack of a sense of humor!< mood spoilers: >!people who don't normally bother with BORU will brigade every post in our wonderful sub, so might as well make them downvote someone's hate on John Oliver!< \--- \[\*\*Why I Dislike John Oliver\*\*\]([https://livelyclock.substack.com/p/why-i-dislike-john-oliver](https://livelyclock.substack.com/p/why-i-dislike-john-oliver)) - APR 29, 2022 The British comedian Stewart Lee once joked that Jeremy Clarkson “has opinions for money”. At the surface level, the same criticism can be pointed at John Oliver, the successful host of a weekly US topical satirical TV show. That doesn’t cover Oliver for me though. He’s worse than Clarkson. Oliver is not trying make money. Or at least, his act isn’t solely for purpose of making money. He has a self belief in what he says. Oliver oscillates between Monty Python-esque absurdist humour (often in the non-sequitur form) and pleading, emotional cries about the state of the world and how it should be improved. The absurdist humour was a feature of his mentor, Jon Stewart, as well. This type of comedy does not mix well with a serious subject matter. It largely serves to break up an admonishing monologue with quick-fire jokes. Sometimes the jokes are self-deprecating and serve to engender trust, and sometimes the jokes are tangential or random. Without the humour, Oliver’s verbiage would be a sermon. Jon Stewart, when he was host of The Daily Show on Comedy Central, often deflected criticism by saying that his show was comedy. “The show leading mine has puppets making crank phone calls” he said. I assume Oliver would take a similar stance. What’s missing is an awareness of how complicated the world can be. Issues around race, wealth inequality, crime, and education have always existed. And to the extent they have gotten worse recently, if they actually have, they haven’t gotten worse overnight. To be more specific, what’s really missing from Oliver is skin in the game. He weighs in on controversial political topics. Unlike an actual politician however, Oliver’s constituency is people who want to chuckle. In the real world, a politician can rarely satisfy everyone. It’s impossible to do so at the presidential level. I can’t take Oliver’s heartfelt opinions at face value. If things were as bad as he says, and he cared as much as his persona appears to, he would not be on TV. He’d be campaigning for change in the real world. Starting small if he had to and working his way up. Oliver does sometimes open a segment by saying something like “This is a complicated topic” or similar. The end is always the same though. A simplified, judgemental call to arms that he himself refuses to answer. Awareness can be important, and you can argue that he is doing a service by shining a spotlight on to various issues. The world isn’t short of current affairs programming though. Oliver is successful because he makes people laugh, not because his factual content is better than elsewhere. I don’t think it’s a sign of the times that what was traditionally news content has to be mixed with comedy to get people’s attention. A person has a limited amount of attention and they will gravitate towards what interests and entertains them. I occasionally watch Tucker Carlson on YouTube, to get a sense of what the mainstream(ish) American conservative right is thinking and doing. Carlson and Oliver are in the same business. They both giggle around racism for money. Carlson commits the same kinds of sins as John Oliver. Cherry-picking, extrapolating, and manufacturing mountains from mole hills. Carlson, and Jeremy Clarkson are less disingenuous than Oliver though. Fundamentally, I dislike Oliver because if you take his world view fully on board, then there’s nothing good about life or society. The subtext is nihilism dressed up to be palatable and make the viewer feel smart. I’m not accusing Oliver of being deliberately harmful. That’s rare in society in general. You could argue he’s caught in the content trap and the fierce competition for attention of today’s media landscape. Whatever the excuse, his shtick is dumb. Life can be hard. Oliver’s viewers don’t benefit from watching his show intellectually. Other comedy is available. Side note one: You may ask why I watch if I don’t like Oliver. I haven’t watched him regularly for many years and occasionally catch a segment on YouTube. This post is aimed at a friend who likes him. Side note two: The Monty Python team largely stayed away from controversial topics in their humour. The Life of Brian is an obvious exception. Though I consider the subject to be people and organised religion rather than Christianity itself. Side note three: I’ve been surprised by some of Carlson’s takes on Ukraine (usually in the guise of attacking Biden). I think he, along with others, have said things in the last few months that will age badly. \--- Edits: added date, found sub post guidelines & made formatting corrections \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

Why I Dislike John Oliver

JOHNCLUDED

Practical_Clerk9034

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14kerta/why_i_dislike_john_oliver/

14n8dhd

Hi everyone! The end is nigh! This is the last day before Reddit’s changes to the API, and thus, our last day of John Oliver themed content. Thank you to everyone who participated in good faith this last week, to those of you who understood what we were doing and why, and to everyone who has been patient throughout this last turbulent month. We would also like to thank everyone who has sent us kind messages and modmails of encouragement, support, and solidarity both here and in the discord. Thanks also to all of our contributors who kept us entertained in the discord during these last few weeks! To everyone who has spent this last week confused and concerned that this was the new focus of BoRU forever, we’re very sorry. This was never meant to last forever, and for some reason there has been a lot of misinformation floating around about that! As you can see in our [previous announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14iogxi/poll_results_our_grand_reopening_as_the_best_of/), we stated “**we expect this act of malicious compliance to last until July 1st**, at which point either Reddit will stop discriminating or it will be too late, and even more communities for the blind will have no choice but[ to close](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/comments/14ggf8k/the_future_of_transcribers_of_reddit/)”. To those of you who think we edited that in after the fact, see for yourself! You can check on [Rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14iogxi/poll_results_our_grand_reopening_as_the_best_of/) and see the full history of the post, including the original and any edits that were made. The section of the post outlined in red shows a portion of original text, illustrating we had always said “we expect this act of malicious compliance to last until **July 1st."** The post in its current state is visible at the top. Comparing the two, you can see the only edit is the clarification we made after we noticed a lot of confusion about how long this would last floating around, which reads: “(**Edit: To be more clear, since there is some confusion about this, the John Oliver theme will be ending July 1st**).” We had to shy away from phrases like “we will go back to normal on July 1st” because in our 1:1 talks with the Admin, it is clear that some of the ways in which the sub (and every sub like it) functions may have to change. We have been uncomfortable promising complete normalcy before we have firm answers from the Admin, in case things need to be changed further down the line. Just how BoRU may change before and after new modtools and new Reddit rules are introduced will have to wait on further clarifications. Though we had hoped to have firmer answers before the theme ended, the Admin have been very busy this month. Again, we are sorry to anyone who has spent this last week confused or falling prey to misinformation and bad faith actors. To everyone in the comments who has stood up for us, corrected misinformation, and made this last week in the discord a blast, we cannot thank you enough! To reiterate, **on July 1st BoRU will be returning to its regular content.** There will be a brief period in which we restrict the sub in order to switch the rules back. As previously stated, this was always going to be the case, as the team feels that by July 1, it will be too late for Reddit to make the changes they need to, because blind and visually impaired users will be pushed off the platform by an inability to mod their own communities. We hope that our discord presents an alternative to our visually impaired users where they can still read new updates until Reddit's accessibility fixes go through. Though Reddit made some concessions, we did not and do not feel they were adequate, but we do love this community and will do our best to keep it running smoothly with the reduced mod tools available to us. This was a cause we, as a group of mods who also largely have disabilities ourselves, felt very strongly about, and we’d like to thank those of you who were patient this last month. We know that many of you will be deleting your accounts today, and many more of you are going to continue to protest Reddit in your own ways. The discord is still open for everyone who wants to shift away from Reddit, and if you're confused about how any of it works don't hesitate to reach out via modmail or in the discord. In the coming weeks we’ll just have to see how the server evolves once the sub is back open to regular content again, but thus far it has been a pleasure to be a part of such a positive and fun satellite community. Thank you again, The BestofRedditorUpdates Mod Team Links: [Open Letter](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xqi0c/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/) [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/) [Poll](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14f7bbg/poll_vote_on_the_future_of_bestofredditorupdates/) [Poll Result](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14iogxi/poll_results_our_grand_reopening_as_the_best_of/) EDIT: [BoRU Insights which demonstrate the impact of the protest](https://imgur.com/a/qsVQ8Z8).

July 1st, John Oliver, and BoRU

NEW META UPDATE

amireallyreal

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14n8dhd/july_1st_john_oliver_and_boru/

14nrvb6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/gethisass **I hate working with my Intellectually disabled coworker** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1452l1d/i_hate_working_with_my_intellectually_disabled/) **June 9, 2023** I am a baker at a busy place and one of my coworkers is intellectually disabled. This girl cannot keep up with anything. I have had to start batches over because she doesn’t do things when they are supposed to get done. I ask her to do something that should take a min maximum and thirty minutes later it’s not done and too late to do it now because the pastries are too cold. She seems to just meander from task to task doing jack all when there are a million things to get done that are part of her job. I am constantly picking up slack when she is working with me, essentially doing the job of 1.5 people. Because of this, there have been numerous instances where a batch has had to get thrown out because it was in the proofer too long because I was busy doing her job. She is just so slow. Yesterday someone ordered donut holes but I hadn’t done them yet, so I quickly threw them in the fryer, glazed them, and asked her to bag them up while I finish the rest of the customers order. When I looked at her she was STILL bagging the donut holes, putting them in the bag one at a time. I’m at my wits end. Just now I had to throw out a bunch of donuts because she didn’t toss them in a cinnamon and sugar mix while they were warm(a VERY quick and easy task) and when I asked her to toss the new batch I watched her struggle to put on the plastic gloves, take a few seconds to stare at the plastic glove she dropped on the floor, watched her slowly walk the glove over to the trash can, miss the trash can, stare at a the glove for a couple seconds again, finally pick it up and put it in the trash, slowly walk over to the donuts, pick two up and rub them together (???), and then drop them in the cinnamon and sugar mix one at a time. It’s gotten to the point where as soon as I’m open the door to let her into the shop I get mad as soon as I see her face. I feel like a horrible person, but she’s driving me nuts so I kind of don’t care if it makes me ableist at this point. I don’t want her to get fired because that may be discrimination, but she CANNT handle the tasks at this place. I’ve given her pointers multiple times on how to be more efficient, but to no prevail. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** tronic50 >You need to ask your boss to work a shift or two with the two of you so they can see what is going on and make an appropriate decision on her employment. OOP replied >I think the owners are aware that it’s an issue already. One time the one of them came in and saw a bunch of dishes in the sink, dirty floors, and dishes still stacked on the rack and they asked me, “was ____ here this morning?” And when I said yes they asked me “what did she do all morning just sit and watch you bake?” And I just kinda shrugged. >Edit: I feel like I should specify this- as of maybe an hour ago, I was under the impression that this was likely the only job this disabled girl was able to land. I was reluctant to tell the owners about her poor performance because I didn’t want her to get fired. While she does her job poorly, she is very sweet and now that she has been there for a while myself and the other coworkers have grown quite attached to her. Back then I covered for her because I was still holding out hope that she would get the hang of it. Now I know that they are likely getting her wages federally subsidized and she is not in danger of ending up on the street if I am honest about her performance, I will take it up this issue with the owners. >The people in my comments section telling me I need to “use my words next time like an adult” or “let her fail” need to develop some empathy. Jesus Christ I hope none of y’all have kids with disabilities. * DankSoulser22 >Make up your fucking mind, do you want to work with her or not? OOP replied >I am frustrated with her has a coworker but I really like her as a person. I feel like I am in a moral dilemma where if I speak up about the issue she could lose her job over something that she cannot really control, but at the same time she isn’t well suited for the place. I don’t want her to get hurt. After all the comments I feel like the right thing to do after all is let the owners know of the extent of the problem and try to arrange something for her to stay there while working within her abilities. * bambina821 >She's not going to get things figured out, but please don't simply let her fail as some here have recommended. Her success is not your responsibility, but it is your bosses', so approach them about this. The ADA requires that employers make reasonable accommodations for developmentally disabled workers. Failure to do so could get your bosses in very hot water. >Suggest they contact a jobs training program for the developmentally disabled to get help in training her. This Department of Labor site is really helpful. And she may benefit from having a jobs coach. OOP replied >I refuse to let her just fail that seems cruel. I’ve decided that I am going to have a talk with the owners about restructuring her duties, which would in turn change what time she works (working the closing shift instead of the opening ones). That seems like the only right way to go about this. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/147o4xk/i_hate_working_with_my_intellectually_disabled/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 12, 2023** A little while back I made a post about how I hated working with my intellectually disabled coworker. The gist of it is that whenever she worked with me I would end up doing a lot more work than normal just to keep the bakery going, and I would end up frustrated and annoyed. What I left out was the fact that this coworker is incredibly kind and good natured, and while she doesn’t do her job well she is a great person that myself and my other coworkers like having around. We have grown incredibly fond of her, so I do not want to have her fired as frustrating as she is. At the time of making the original post, I had very little knowledge about disability services and what that entails. A plethora of individuals with disability knowledge came out of the woodwork and informed me of a few things: 1: My boss is likely getting a tax break for having her work here and is getting a portion of her income federally subsidized 2: she should have access to vocational programs to help her develop job skills 3: based on my description of her working, my boss has totally mismanaged her. I was under the impression that if I spoke up about how poorly she was doing at work, this sweet disabled girl would lose her source of income and end up homeless, hence why I have been spending the last five months or so burning myself out and getting frustrated to pick up her slack instead of telling my boss about her performance. For some reason, a lot of people couldn’t seem to grasp this, and were incredibly condescending and unhelpful by saying things like “just let her fail” or “communicate like an adult”. Aside from those comments, there were a lot of helpful ones that assured me that I will be able to talk to my boss about this and probably get her into a better position in the bakery. So I did. Today was her first shift back since I talked to my boss about the manner. She came in later than usual, did the dishes, swept and mopped the floors, chatted with us a bit until the afternoon rush happened, grabbed a donut, and left. That was it. No food had to get thrown out, there was nothing put out late, everything went smoothly, and she is still making money and socializing with us. Thank you all for your support and info. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I hate working with my Intellectually disabled coworker

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nrvb6/i_hate_working_with_my_intellectually_disabled/

14nvopt

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/O4Orgy **TIFU telling my gf (22) how I (23m) met my friends** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [I (22m) am hours away from having group sex and it's stressing me out](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/xx1wwk/i_22m_am_hours_away_from_having_group_sex_and_its/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Oct 6, 2022** I'm using a throwaway because my other account reveals who I am. My roommate (22f), who I've been sharing an apartment with for the past 6 months, approached me a few weeks ago to discuss the possibility of hosting an orgy. I can imagine most people in my situation being surprised or disturbed or whatever if their roommate asked for permission to allow random people to have sex in their personal space. I was not too surprised or disturbed because 6 months has been more than enough time for me to realize that my roommate is an extremely sexual person and she's not shy about showing it. I'm a virgin. My roommate is aware of that, and even though from time to time she teases me about it, she's never made me feel bad and always seemed proud of me for being so chilled about sex. Back to the orgy. My roommate asked if it was okay if the orgy could happen at our apartment. She said 7 people were expected to participate, all friends, and she would be the 8th. She answered all of my questions regarding the logistics and promised to leave the place spotless when it was over. To be honest, I didn't really care as long as no one did anything in my room or touched my gaming console. My roommate was over the moon when I said yes. I arranged to sleep at my mom's house on the night of the orgy to avoid any awkwardness, which made my roommate feel somewhat guilty for "kicking me out", but I encouraged her to focus on the fucking because I'll be focusing on my mom's good cooking lol. A few days after that conversation my roommate asked if I was interested in taking part in the orgy. I said if this was about me staying at my mom's house for one night, she really shouldn't feel bad. My roommate said it's not only about that but also about "hospitality." She said the group agreed that I was more than welcome to join if I wanted. I laughed and said thanks but no thanks. My roommate advised me to think about it and said I should keep in mind that a virgin guy would be very hot for the group and I would most likely receive "special treatment." She also added that before I made a final decision, I should forget what I've seen in movies or porn and therefore should not be expecting everyone to have 10/10 bodies. I said I would think about it. The orgy is happening tonight. I eventually agreed to participate. It wasn't a quick decision. I did have time. It's been weeks of talking. I've been added to the orgy group chat. Everyone in the group has been welcoming and open to answering my questions. A big topic of discussion was boundaries. At one point it felt like I was doing an AMA because everyone was asking me what I was comfortable/uncomfortable with. Not gonna lie, I'm getting more and more overwhelmed and I'm beginning to stress out. As helpful and supportive as my roommate and the others have been, I need to ask all of you to weigh in. A 22 year old virgin in an orgy... should I be excited or should I be nervous? UPDATE My original post was long enough, so to spare all of you from reading another novel, I'm just gonna list the key information. It's still long though. Sorry. • It's close to midnight on my side of the planet. What a night. • By the time I've added this update, the orgy would've been over for less than 2 hours. • I helped my roommate set up the space in the apartment we were all gonna use for sex. She made sure there were condoms, scented candles, lube, towels, water, etc. I hardly recognized the place when she was done with it. • During #3 my roommate was running me through the process one on one for the final time and once again made sure I understood that I should never feel pressured to perform anything or to please anyone regardless of prior agreements. • The group arrived sometime afterwards. • All of us socialized at first. I learned a lot about the group. Everyone was friendly and interested to know how I was feeling. I realized very quickly that I was attracted to one of the girls in the group more than the others, but none of them were bad looking. • Once the socializing was out of the way, my roommate explained what the rules and the safe words were before formally introducing me to the group and reminding everyone that I skipped my mom's cooking to be there so I needed to be treated with extra care and appreciation lol. • So much was discussed before anything sexual happened. Most of it was information everyone already knew based on previous discussions. But some of it was new to me like the "conversational sex" option, which basically meant you could have a sexual conversation with one or more people who had no desire to have sex yet, but don't mind saying filthy things to one another to get them in the mood. • Boundaries were discussed. Questions were answered. Challenges in the past were addressed. It was a proper meeting. • My legs were fucking shaking when that meeting eventually came to an end. 11. My roommate gave everyone the green light to proceed and she wasted no time taking me under wing. • My roommate and I were sitting on the couch while the others were beginning to touch and kiss one another. She was holding my hand and telling me how nice I smelled. I said thank you and returned the compliment. We continued complimenting each other until we were both comfortable enough to kiss. • I can't tell you how long we kissed, but when my roommate and I were no longer locking lips, I noticed some of the other people were wearing a lot less. • This might sound weird, but seeing naked bodies on full display like that became uncomfortable and overwhelming. I told my roommate how I was feeling and she asked me to follow her to the balcony to get some fresh air and for a change of scenery. • During my time on the balcony, the girl who I was most attracted to in the group, before I kissed my roommate at least, decided to join my roommate and I on the balcony and find out how I was doing. Her hair was shorter than mine, but it was hot. The three of us talked for a few minutes before I said I was willing to continue. • Short-haired girl performed oral on me when I finally managed to get hard. • I never came. My nerves got the best of me. I apologized to the group and said I would feel much better if I could go to my room because I'm struggling to relax. I made it clear to all of them that they did nothing wrong, but it just wasn't for me, at least not for now. Everyone was really understanding and wished me goodnight. • I've been in my room ever since. The apartment is quiet now. I have no idea how many people have gone home and how many are sleeping over, but I'm sure I'll find out in the morning. Not the best ending, but I have no regrets. I'm sure I'll lose my virginity when the time comes. Anyway, the end. I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Thank you all for the advice! [TIFU telling my gf (22) how I (23m) met my friends](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13zczhw/tifu_telling_my_gf_22_how_i_23m_met_my_friends/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 3, 2023** A couple of nights ago my gf was supposed to meet my friends. I've been delaying the process for months because I knew I had to have an uncomfortable conversation first. I met my friends at an orgy. My roommate at the time asked for my permission to host an orgy at our flat. I said yes, as long as my room and my belongings were off limits and the flat was cleaned properly afterwards. My plan was to spend the night at my mom's house and be out of everyone's way during the orgy, but my roommate encouraged me to stay and participate. I was still a virgin back then. The thought of sleeping with one person was overwhelming enough, let alone a group of people. However, my roommate eventually convinced me to take part. I was added to a group chat with all the people who were gonna be involved in the orgy. All of them made me feel really comfortable. That being said, when the orgy finally happened, I was unable to have sex with anyone. My anxiety won. Everyone was understanding though. Life went on. My roommate became my ex roommate after a few months, but we never stopped being friends. The connections I made with the people at the orgy also developed into friendships. We're still friends now. My gf didn't know my history with them until earlier this week when I finally had the courage to explain the orgy story. She was shocked and disturbed and asked if I lied to her about being a virgin when we met. I said no. She struggled to believe that a virgin guy would walk away from an orgy with his virginity still intact. My gf made it clear that she was no longer interested in meeting my "friends." She said she didn't know how she could be in a relationship with someone who was friends with people who shared him. I asked my gf if she was breaking up with me and she said she was gonna need some time to decide what to do. Last night she decided. Our relationship is over. TL:DR I told my gf that I met my friends at an orgy. That was all she needed to hear to break up with me. Edit: I never had sex at the orgy, but I did end up kissing my roommate AND another girl did go down on me. I didn't leave out that information to make my gf look like the villain, at least not intentionally, this is my fuck up after all. I should have provided a link to my previous post that explained everything or included the kiss and the BJ when I initially posted on this sub. It's understandable that my gf is uncomfortable with my past because my past is still part of my present due to the friends I have. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1462q2d/tifupdate_telling_my_gf_22_how_i_23m_met_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 10, 2023** My mom and dad invited me to have dinner at their house a few nights ago. I was planning to inform them about my break up during dinner, but I realized it was too late when I showed up at the house. My parents were already informed. The dinner invitation was a smokescreen to confront me about the details. My ex gf apparently broke the news to my mom and dad soon after our relationship came to an end. My parents knew about the orgy, the friends I made at the orgy, and why my gf no longer wanted anything to do with me. It was an ambush. Or an intervention. I don't know. But it was awkward. My mom wanted me to make her believe that my ex gf lied and that I never participated in group sex. I confirmed what my ex gf said was true. My mom looked disturbed and asked if I got tested. I assured her that I was clean and that it's almost been a year since the orgy. My dad looked equally disturbed and asked if I was really friends with people who openly shared their bodies like that. I said yes and described them as good friends. I even told my dad that one of my friends who openly shared her body also openly shared her homemade lasagna that my dad enjoyed eating when he was sick.  I asked my mom if she remembered the DJ with the tattoos that stepped in at the last minute at my sister's wedding because the original DJ dropped out. My mom said yes. I asked my mom if she remembered that DJ playing some of her favorite golden oldies like "Flashdance... What A Feeling" and "Stand By Me." My mom said yes. I asked my mom if she could guess how it came to be that I knew that DJ. My mom said "oh." I told my parents not to worry about me and advised them to avoid communicating with my ex gf because whatever was happening between us, was between us. Towards the end of the dinner, my mom and dad knew a lot more about my "orgy friends" and seemed less uncomfortable. I think once the shock of me being involved in an orgy fades away, my parents might be keen to meet my friends one day. Hopefully that day never comes though lol. TL:DR My ex gf informed my parents about the orgy to complicate my life, which prompted my mom and dad to confront me, but I managed to shift their focus from the orgy to the friends I made at the orgy, and now I think my parents might want to meet them at some point. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU telling my gf (22) how I (23m) met my friends

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nvopt/tifu_telling_my_gf_22_how_i_23m_met_my_friends/

14nwr6h

**I am not OP, she is** u/throwaway_4885 **and she posted on** r/offmychest Mood spoiler: >!Infuritating, OP doesn't learn a thing and still plays the victim!< &#x200B; \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- &#x200B; [I am cheating on my boyfriend](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/140rkxb/i_am_cheating_on_my_boyfriend/) \- 05 June 2023 This is a throwaway account for what I think is obvious reasons. I (19f) have been with my boyfriend (18m) since we were in year 10 at school (freshman year for you Americans) and I love him. I truly love him and he’s one of the most kind and caring people I have ever met. However, a few weeks ago, I went to zante with a few of my girlfriends and he wasn’t allowed to come. He was fine with it as we’ve done it before. But at the airport I met a guy (21) and he was also going to zante, and we got to speaking, I found out he was single, he asked if I was and I said I was, and he asked if he could take me out for drinks one night, which is fine, got some free drinks out of it. We basically hung out for the entire time I was there, but I left 4 days earlier than him, so he gave me his Snapchat so we can keep in touch. He doesn’t live too far away from me, and he even went to school across the road from where I went to school, but because of the age difference I never saw him or paid attention to him. Since he’s been back I’ve been going to meet him regularly behind my boyfriends back and even have gone as far as going to his house a few times. If I’m going to be honest, it feels exhilarating sneaking about, and I feel horrible that it does because as I said I love my boyfriend. I feel disgusting but I don’t want to stop. *Comments were criticizing OOP but OOP gives pathetic justification:* >*"* I don’t think I’ll be happier with this guy, especially if I break up with my boyfriend, I’ve been with him almost 5 years. " > >" It’s only heartache if he finds out, and I can’t break up with him " > >" Because at the same time I want to be with my boyfriend, this guy is good and fun " *Commenters told OOP to tell her bf the truth to which OOP replied:* >" I don’t have to " > >" Yeah It’ll hurt him if he finds out, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love him. I can easily see myself getting married to him. I know I should stop and I will eventually, this is just what I want to do right now " > >" I’ll accept I’ve made a mistake sure, but I’m not going to tell him and I’m definitely not breaking up with him " > >" Yes because I have no reason to break up with him, he doesn’t know so it’s not hurting him and when I get bored I’ll stop whenever that happens, he’ll never have to know and we’ll be fine " > >" I couldn’t do it, it would be too much " &#x200B; [I ended things-update from a post yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/141tdft/i_ended_things_update_from_a_post_yesterday/) \- 06 June 2023 So… I broke up with the guy I met in Zante. I guess I just never thought about how it would feel if the roles were reversed and it was me being cheated on, but have been thinking about it quite a lot, and I realized it would break my heart to find out that something like that was going on behind my back. So I just messaged him and told him what was happening and that we’re done. I’m not seeing him anymore. I do feel slightly upset about it because he was a great guy, but I don’t think he’s worth losing my boyfriend, who’s the most caring guy in the world and didn’t deserve something like this to happen to him, even if he doesn’t know it happened. I know this sounds like a complete change in attitude, but the people I’ve been speaking to today were just able to show me what I was doing, and how fucked up it was. And thanks to everyone who called me horrible things and names, it really helped me. *Comments telling her to tell her bf:* Glad you’ve broken things off with the guy you were cheating with, you shouldn’t be upset about “losing him” because you deceived him, too. I’m still amazed it took this much for you to realise how wrong it is…you’re not 15. Your boyfriend (as much as you supposedly love him) still deserves to know he’s dating a girl who cheated on him and didn’t really consider his feelings, or how it was wrong at all. He can then decide for himself whether to stay with you. I would say if he knew this information, he wouldn’t stay with you and honestly, I think you deserve this - given how your initial reaction was devoid of any emotional empathy towards your partner, simply selfishly enjoying your own pleasure. You can grow from this, if you truly want to. **OOP replied:** I know it was wrong, I never considered how it would feel the other way around, and how it would feel if it happened to me. I’m meeting with my boyfriend today, and I hope I’m going to tell him because as you said he deserves to know. It’s just scary, knowing I could lose him after he’s been such a big part of my life for so long, it’s hard to imagine. &#x200B; She will never tell. We can only hope to see another post where the boyfriend find out eventually and breaks it off with her. **OOP replies:** I’m going to meet him today and hopefully tell him actually. You don’t need to be so mean. I am not being mean. I know people like you who think they are entitled to cheat and break someone's heart. You do realize cheating is emotional abuse right? You said you will "hopefully" tell him which is code for you will never tell him. Because you are too selfish to even consider his own feelings. **OOP replies:** I said hopefully because I’m finding it a scary idea that I’ll be on my own, which I’ve not done since I was 14, and in very different circumstances. I might decide it’s too scary to tell him today, and decide to keep it to myself. *The rest of the comments are her telling everyone that she will tell her bf but she is scared. Then next day she comes back in the comments and confirms that she told her bf and he broke up with her and she still tried to justify why she deserves a second chance.:* >*"* You’ve got your wish, I’m pretty sure he’s broken up with me *"* > >" Glad you feel happy. Because I don’t, I’m sad, and upset, and lonely. I already regret it. I feel sick when I think about him, I wish I hadn’t told him, I wish he hadn’t told me to leave, I’m not sure what’s going on, I just know I’m confused and angry. " > >" I’m angry at myself, and I’m angry at everyone who told me to do this. I don’t know what’s happening right now, he hasn’t spoken to me since I told him. And it’s making me upset, I have every right to feel this way. " > >" I don’t know if he’s broken up with me, but I imagine he has tbh. He’s not said anything to me, I’ve sent him about 60 messages and he hasn’t even opened any of them. I’d imagine that means he’s done. Even his friends are ghosting me. It seems like he’s not even trying, this is the first thing that’s ever happened in our relationship, sure we’ve had fights but over stupid things never anything serious, and he just dropped it as soon as something bad happened. I know I broke his trust but it’s something I can rebuild. I wish he’d give me a chance to even explain " > >" I’m not expecting to have him all of a sudden forgive me and carry on as normal, but I don’t know if I can just leave him alone straight away, it’s been 5 years " &#x200B; *OOP also gets dragged in another where a guy gets cheated on and her gf is crying because he broke up post where she commented to justify her actions.* [Post link](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/145b1x7/got_cheated_on/) [The comment itself](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/145b1x7/comment/jnk0ll0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) : She’s probably crying because she does love you, she just made a stupid decision and is now seeing the consequences and she’s upset and regretting her decisions. At least, that’s what it is for me. *Of course our favorite redditors are dragging her into the mud but she is still insisting she is the victim:* >Regardless of what I’ve done, that’s how I’m feeling and she’s probably feeling a similar way *OOP describes her friends knew and supported the affair:* >I imagine she is feeling a similar way to me because she’s done things similar to what I’ve done. > >I don’t have any family to confide in and my friends already knew and didn’t care, they thought it was funny. > >I don’t want him to feel hurt, which is why I’m trying to apologise and tell him he didn’t do anything wrong, but he’s ignoring me completely. *Comments saying she and her friends are trash:* **OOP replies:** >I’m not demanding forgiveness, just asking for it. > >My apologies are sincere, I don’t want to move on from him, but I do want to lose some guilt and I know that’s not going to happen until I can apologise to him, which he’s not letting me do. > >I know he probably won’t take me back, but I still want to be able to see him and talk with him. > >But no, my friends are good people, they were just as excited about it as I was. I don’t know if they thought about how it would hurt him either, they just enjoyed knowing about it. > >I did feel like a bit guilty because I was lying to him and yeah that’s why I came here. But mostly I got was horrible name calling and insults, but there was a few people who made me realise how wrong it was without being horrible to me. &#x200B; >These girls are my best friends, I’ve know most of them since preschool. They’ve been with me since I was like 4 years old, you can’t get better friends than that. > >But no I don’t feel like a better person. &#x200B; >No I’m sorry for fixating on one thing you said, but I just don’t want you to think they’re horrible people or anything. > >They’re being supportive and understanding of the situation and telling me they feel really sorry for me that I’m in it. They’re just being really nice. And yeah they knew Luca since I met him, we all went to the same school so we had loads of classes together, they all love him and think he’s great and they get on so well with him. > >They met the other guy in zante, I was hanging out with him there quite a bit, some of them were surprised but none of them said to stop, just “don’t let Luca find out. *\*\*Sorry I cannot fit all the comments in here. But they were basically her justifying her actions and she kept saying how it was just a fling and she deserves a second chance. Basically she blames everyone but herself.\*\** &#x200B; **I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.**

OOP is cheating on her boyfriend and tries to justify it.

CONCLUDED

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nwr6h/oop_is_cheating_on_her_boyfriend_and_tries_to/

14nx0q3

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/snoopingsam on r/Teachers [I teach a child with selective mutism. Today I heard his voice for the first time!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/zh3sb2/i_teach_a_child_with_selective_mutism_today_i/) December 9, 2022 I’ve been a long term substitute for a year 4/3rd grade class since mid October. There is a child with selective mutism in the class. Early on, I called on him to answer a question and a friend of his politely informed me that “A is shy and doesn’t really speak.” In the time since, A has never uttered a word to me - he will communicate via writing on a whiteboard or asking his friends to ask me for things. A few weeks ago, he wrote on a whiteboard “I feel like I’m going to be sick” before vomiting quite badly :( Anyway, I’ve never pushed him to talk because I honestly don’t know much about mutism except that he is probably feeling very anxious and I don’t want to exacerbate it. Admin need us to give reading targets, which involves listening to each student read, and I’ve been slowly making my way through the class. Got to A and honestly didn’t know what to expect. He shifted anxiously with his book for a while, and I did not push. I eventually said “Don’t worry, nobody else is listening. If you want, you can just whisper while you read to me.” And whisper he did! He read beautifully and I felt so privileged that he finally trusted me enough to let me hear his voice. I’ve had such a rough week. This has truly brought me so much joy and reinforced the reason why I adore my job :) [Update on child with selective mutism](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/14h92y9/update_on_child_with_selective_mutism/) June 23, 2023 When I first began working with this child in October 2022, he didn’t use his voice at all. He would sit in silence and his peers would let me know if he needed something like going to the toilet. The first time I heard his voice was during a reading assessment in December 2022. Come early 2023, he would raise his hand to answer questions but would write on a whiteboard when called upon. I encouraged this as I valued his ideas and they were aways great! Then, in April, we got new tables and chairs. They were far too big for my classroom so in the reconfiguration it ended up that equipment like whiteboards were not readily available while sat at tables (I had to create rows instead of groups - I implemented monitors to hand certain equipment like whiteboards out). He still put his hand up, though. Once he realised he couldn’t easily access and use a whiteboard to write his contributions, he began to just say them out loud. In the past few months, he has confidently and assuredly put his hand up to answer questions. He asks me for mundane things like new books or if he can go and sharpen his pencil. He expresses, in words, his thoughts and opinions. He has managed to speak loudly enough so that I can hear him properly (as I’ve had an ear infection for the past week that has affected my ability to hear my kids unless they shout). Teaching has many rubbish setbacks but I am SO proud of my slowly blossoming child with selective mutism :) **Reminder: I am not the OP.**

OOP Shares the Joy of a Blooming Student with Selective Mutism

CONCLUDED

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nx0q3/oop_shares_the_joy_of_a_blooming_student_with/

14nxz5g

**I am not OPP.** **OPP is** u/AlwaysTired008 **and originally posed on** r/AITAH **23 Jan 2023** [Original post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/10jhd75/aitah_for_enjoying_the_twitter_fight_between_my/) For context I 28F used to be in a relationship with a guy. Let's call him L 28M for loser. We met in college, and within two weeks we got together. For me, he was my whole world, and I was clear from the start that I wasn't looking for anything casual and that I wanted us to be serious, and he told me the same. Soon enough, we became inseparable and one of the most famous couples in college. We used to discuss our futures, careers, and lives after our wedding. I even had the baby's name picked up. But after a year and a half, things started to change. We are Indians, and here, our parents pick out our life partners, or if it's a love marriage, we need their approval. He became cold-hearted when his parents stated that they would start searching him his potential wife as they wont approve any girl of his choice. I kept reassuring him that we could make it work out; we just had to graduate and have a decent job. To sum up, we broke up four times due to this issue, but he kept coming back. After three years, he finally broke up with me when we were stuck in lockdown because he was away and it was easier, and he got engaged. "I was devastated" is an understatement. Luckily, my friends were there to support me, and after some struggle, I landed a job that kept me occupied. But I still missed him dearly. So last week I saw a missed call from an unknown number that was very similar to his previous number, and I never called back. Then last night I remembered that he has an anonymous Twitter account where I am not blocked by him and it is public. I lurked in, and what I saw was hilarious. He and his wife are literally fighting over there, and both having a public account made it easier to see what was happening in their lives. It was the kind of fight that should happen in personal chats, not through tweets. Overall, it was entertaining to me, and I blasted Taylor Swift's KARMA on loop. I told about this to three of my friends; two of them are on my side, but one of them told me that I shouldn't laugh as there is a six-month-old child involved. Yes, they have a baby together, and I am feeling bad for the baby as she is stuck between these two immature idiots, but it's not me tweeting my personal issues publicly on social media. Also, I am soon moving away for a better job and life, so I don't want anything to do with him. AITA? Extended comment from OPP - Please dont tell me to move on, I have moved on. He keeps coming back in my life. Thank you. The problem of love vs arrange marriage was indeed discussed multiple times. I trusted him with all my heart. He basically used me for paying his cigrette bills, commutes and assignments. Used to ghost me when I refused to do things his way. &#x200B; **Comments on post -** **\[deleted\]** NTA I would honestly laugh too. Why take your marriage issues online and blast them for everyone to see? You dodged a big bullet by not being with your ex. **spencerrf** NTAH lol and you are FAR from the only person that has ever lurked on their ex boyfriend/girlfriend/friend and laughed at anything. **NoSomewhere5749** You’re not an AH and your reaction is normal. There are some people that hurt you so much you’d give anything to see them suffer but the truth is that if you feel that way you’re not really over him. **NoSomewhere5749** Fair enough but that’s kind of a different situation. The OP’s enjoyment of her ex’s unpleasant situation is fine but her seeking out his Twitter shows she is still not over him. Which again is fine but hopefully for her sake she moves on eventually. **Update -** **20 Jun 2023** [Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ef8jb/update_aitah_for_enjoying_the_twitter_between_my/) It's been almost 4–5 months since I made this post, and now it's time for an update. After the Twitter fight, I quickly moved on with my life, leaving it all behind. However, today I received some surprising news from a mutual friend. Apparently, my ex has been inquiring about me and my current situation, but our friends have stood by my side and refused to disclose any information. It seems that he's going through a separation with his wife and has the deluded notion that I will forget everything and we can rekindle our relationship. Little does he know that I have relocated to a different city and am fully immersed in living my best life. It's ironic, really. He once doubted my abilities as a developer, claiming that I lacked the necessary spark and dedication. Well, guess what? Right now, I am excelling and thriving as the best developer in my company. I have proven him wrong in every possible way. In order to maintain some privacy, I have only made minor adjustments to my LinkedIn profile, as I don't use many other social media platforms. While some may believe that I haven't moved on, the truth is, I have. For me, moving on means finding happiness and inner peace in my life. And that's exactly what I have achieved. **Comments on update -** NTA. Some days, it's nice to have validation that leaving was the best thing. **madgeystardust** Or that by being dumped, they actually did you a HUGE favour! Well done OP, keep living your best life. He’d have only dragged you down. &#x200B; NTA at all…. I’m glad you’re over him, living your best life and focus on yourself and a successful and happy future. He’s shown you what life with him would’ve been like, he would’ve held you back by constantly diminishing your light by undermining your ability to be great; on par or better than him career wise. Someone calling themselves a man but not willing to stand up for what he claims to love or want against others even his parents is a coward and waste of your time. Usually guys like this will use you and suck you dry for years then go do what mum wants if they weren’t already seeing parents candidates whist dating you in secret. You had a lucky escape. It might’ve been you he left with a child whilst keeping his options open and trying to approach other women before your divorce was finalised. His cowardice caused this. Never go back. Always look forward and remember how awesome you are, never settle for less then the very best especially when looking at a potential partner. If you’re better without them there’s no need to have a hard life full of only you compromising, carrying the mental load, doing all the housework plus working, being put down all for the non privilege of going out with an idiot that doesn’t respect or care for you as you do him. You should be proud of you for how you pushed through the hurt and pain, healed and became even more awesome.

A girl enjoying some schadenfreude from Twitter - AITAH for enjoying the twitter fight between my ex and his wife?

CONCLUDED

Hour-Ad8095

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nxz5g/a_girl_enjoying_some_schadenfreude_from_twitter/

14nygex

**I am not OOP. Original post by** u/ThrowAwayRafting **in** r/relationship_advice. trigger warnings: >!adultery!< mood spoilers: >!OOP is hopeful!< **BORU OP Note: Names were added by me to make it easier to understand who people are due to OOP using letters instead.** [I (30F) Told a Woman (30s?F) About Her Cheating Husband (30s?M) Breaking My BFF's (30F) Trust](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14ek1q9/i_30f_told_a_woman_30sf_about_her_cheating/) - June 20, 2023 I 30F have become very close friends with two girls Becca (29F) and Caroline (30F) over the past year. We hang out a lot and we call each other sisters. Their friendship is super important to me, but I worry I may have ruined it. Caroline works at a library with this guy David (30sM). They were flirting for 2 months before David confessed that he's actually married and cannot be with Caroline in any way. This, of course, made Caroline super sad so we (Becca and I) comforted her when she told us this deep and emotional secret. Apparently, David saw Caroline was sad at work and he apologized that he was the reason for her pain and said he just wanted to see her smile again and met her at a bar to "clear the air" about their situation. They flirted for hours. After the bar, he told her that he can't see her again which made her sad and we comforted her again. Fast forward to next work day, David noticed Caroline was sad again so he lamented that she's such a great girl and he's such a trash guy and she deserves so much better and offered to take her somewhere to talk about their situation.... They've been repeating this cycle for a while now. She is sad. He is guilty he made her sad and he likes her attention so he flirts with her and then takes her out. They flirt all night. Then he tells her they cant do this again and she's heartbroken again. Rinse, lather, repeat. I and Becca will race over to Caroline's townhouse and comfort her about every 1-2 weeks after he's told her he can't meet up with her again and she's despondent again. She tells us everything they did and said and I understand that I'm privelidged for her to trust us with that information because that is personal, emotional, and a secret. Now, I've been cheated on and it broke my heart. I still struggle with insecurities and pain that my past partner's infidelity caused me (Caroline knows this). Unfortunately, I know that makes this personal for me and I am very biased. But every week when Caroline is crying, I can't stop thinking about David's poor wife. Caroline was able to find David's Facebook and showed us. This last time, Caroline admitted her and David's date got physical and after comforting Caroline, I couldn't sleep. I knew Caroline and David were having an emotional affair (which is terrible) but having things get physical was too much for me. I made a dummy Facebook account, found David's FB, then found his wife's FB and I sent her a message. It was very short and I made it sound like I just witnessed David and "some girl" at a bar. I did this last night. Caroline messaged me that David has blocked her "out of respect for his wife" and she is hurt. I'm going over tonight to tell her what I did. I'm concerned I may loose a really important friendship. I recognize I broke Caroline's trust and she would be well within her rights to stop being my friend. I also understand Becca may feel the same and also cut ties with me for what I've done. I love Caroline (and Becca) like a sister, but I couldn't sit and not say anything anymore. Is there anything I can do or say to help salvage this/these friendships? TLDR: My friend is emotionally and now physically cheating with a married man and telling me the secret and emotional details. I sent a short vague message to the wife to tip her off. Can I save this friendship? [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14h7xzj/update_to_i_30f_told_a_woman_30sf_about_her/) - June 23, 2023 First and foremost, thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. I read every comment and I really appreciated the different opinions, including the ones that I was a crappy friend. I know most people advised me against telling my friend what I did, but that felt hypocritical and cowardly to me. No shame on anyone else, it just didn't sit right with me. I couldn't tell her truth then hide mine, you know? Before I get into it, I would like to address the comments recommending that she and I talk about how wrong this all was. Unfortunately, me and Caroline had MANY conversations about this situation and how it was wrong and how innocent people were being deceived. Unfortunately, her recurring response was that she knows its wrong but she cant even think about the wife or how bad it all is when he's around......she had it BAD. We also talked about David leaving his wife but Caroline let me know that was not on the table with David and she did not want a serious relationship with him anyway because she knew she would not be able to trust him... We had also briefly talked about therapy which she seemed to consider. She also had tried to get over David with another guy who was cute, kind, and respectful, but she said he was "uninteresting" and talked at length about how she imagined David when she was with this new guy..... In any case, the day after I messaged the wife, I went over to Caroline's house as soon as she said she was home from the library. I brought her favorite cookies and said I needed to talk to her. I gave a very brief (think one minute) preamble about how she knows how much my cheating ex hurt me and how I'm still struggling with the damage that caused and why cheating is such a big deal to me. Then I told her what I did. She was quiet at first. She asked me if it was my place to say that, which I agreed it was not. She said she was very hurt and betrayed by my actions which I said I understood and was more than fair. Then she lamented about poor David and how he must be struggling......this woman just learned that the wife was warned her husband is cheating and she was lied to and Caroline's first thought was poor cheating husband?? Caroline hated the fact that he'd blocked her because she just wanted to be there for him and to support him in this difficult time.... I asked her what she would like from me and she asked me to leave which I quickly obliged. Later, Becca and Caroline both sent me messages late into the night and early into the morning about how I betrayed Caroline's trust (fair), I was a terrible friend to Caroline (fair) and to Becca for ruining our friend group (fair). The also let me know I am personally responsible if David's marriage fails, and for the end of Caroline and David's relationship.... I was also informed, according to Becca and Caroline, friendship means setting aside your personal values and morals for someone you care about and I was told that if they did things I did not agree with on a deep level, that friendship meant ignoring my values and supporting them anyway. And that....I just cannot do. I feel absolutely terrible for hurting Caroline and by extension Becca, but I couldn't do this anymore. I don't have the space here to write how these women are not Disney villain characters. They, for a large part, are really great women. I have seen them be kind, and generous. I know they have a history of working hard and enduring in the face of hardship. And I keep replaying happy memories of our Gilmore Girls marathons or our sledding trip. I don't know if I've ever had people I could laugh so hard with. But sitting here, I can't say I regret what I did or that I want those friendships back. Realizing how little hurting other people mattered to them when compared to friendship made me feel so uncomfortable. I honestly wish them happiness and healing and I hope we all get what we need to grow and thrive, but I'm ok if we do that separately. TLDR: I told my friend that I warned her affair partner's wife about the affair. She got very angry and our mutual friend agreed that I betrayed my friend's trust (true) and was responsible for everything bad that happened in that marriage and the affair (less true). They also told me friendship means choosing friends over personal morals/values. It seems those friendships are dead and honestly, I'm ok with that. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I (30F) Told a Woman (30s?F) About Her Cheating Husband (30s?M) Breaking My BFF's (30F) Trust

CONCLUDED

blindspottings

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nygex/i_30f_told_a_woman_30sf_about_her_cheating/

14nz66s

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/SuccessfulPeanut6132. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. For those of you on the discord- I posted this there! **Trigger Warning:** >!allergic reaction!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!somewhat ok ending?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11p76j1/aita_for_telling_to_my_sil_why_ive_missed_her/)**: March 12, 2023** First, English is not my first language. Second, throwaway for privacy I (24F) have a brother who is getting married to «Victoria» (25F). Vic and I have a very good relationship. Last year, my brother proposed ! Vic took the lead for all the wedding preparation because she is taking a gap year between jobs. My brother support easily both of them and the wedding. So whenever we have questions about the wedding, She is the person we need to talk to. Important background info: i’m allergic to nuts and coconuts. I don't need an epipen, but I have massive d\*\*rrhea. Last time I had a reaction, I was so dehydrated I needed to go to the hospital. For the wedding day, we have a caterer planned for an only-family brunch, then it’s the ceremony, and then we have a celebration with all the guests. So for the meals at the wedding, I texted 2 months in advance to Vic to ask if I would be able to eat (and told her my specific food allergies, in case she forgot). I told that if not, i would be able to bring my lunch and eat amongst everyone without any problem. It’s something I do sometimes at big family gathering, because I don't expect everyone to be extra careful everytime for me. Vic told me that everything should be fine. 4 days before de the wedding, I texted again to be sure, and she said that the menu does not contain any of my allergens. Wedding day; on the family brunch, I started to feel bad in my tummy. I privately asked to the chef if anything contained any nut/coconut and hold and behold: the sauce for the egg contained coconut. I excused myself and went back home (20 minutes away from the venue). After this… well you can imagine the toilet became my best friend. I passed the next 5 hours on the toilet. I texted my brother to excuse myself, that i won’t be able to come to the ceremony and i would try to come to the celebration. So around 8 hours after the brunch, I was capable to go back to the celebration. I did my wedding toast to my brother and after, Vic came to me and ask why I was absent from the ceremony. I told her that the brunch did contain coconut and I passed the whole day on the toilet, that i’m glad i was able to come back to the ceremony and did not needed to go to the hospital. She then left back to my brother and spend the rest of the evening talking to guests. Next day, I’ve received many many text from my brother, saying i was an \*ssh\*le to told her during her wedding day that she was responsible of me being sick and that I’ve should told her some lies to make her happy. He told me she cried the whole wedding night about this. Since then, I've received texts from family members, friends, bridesmaids, who called me an \*ss for ruining her wedding night. I'm starting to believe was an \*ss and should have said to her a false reason explaining my absence during the ceremony because it ruined her evening. So.. AITA? Should I've lied to her? ***Relevant Comments:*** *It is important that you let her know the truth, because she needs to investigate what happened if it was a caterer issue:* "This is a really good point. Right now, SIL and my brother are low contact with me, but it is something i'm going to investigated further." *Why did you trust her since she was not making the food?* "I totally understand your point of view.Normally, I always ask beforehand. But after asking twice to Victoria is the food as nut/coconut free, i've trusted her. I even felt it would have been rude to ask again.My reflexion is that she was the sole wedding planner for a whole year. It was her only project (no job, no kids), so I've figured that this information would have been important to note, and she would have the time to ask the caterer." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/142vb0p/update_aita_for_telling_to_my_sil_why_ive_missed/)**: June 6, 2023 (almost 3 months later)** 4-5 days after the wedding and the Reddit post; after all of those comments and reflexions: I’ve texted my SIL. I said that I was sorry that everything happened the way it did. But I was not wrong to told her the truth, and this whole situation could have been very dangerous. I did my part with asking her about the allergies and even with that, a reaction happened. But I do feel sad that she passed a bad night indirectly because of me. Victoria called me after my text and said she understood my situation and the fact it could have been very dangerous. She assured me she called and emailed the caterer informing them of all the allergies and food requirements. She said then that a part of her is mad at me because she thinks I should have told her the next day, but it’s on her to work on that and to process those feelings. When she came back from her honeymoon, we investigated about this. After many calls, we found the problem. The caterer has 2 sub-teams. The main one (supper) was the one Victoria informed about the food requirements. It was their responsibility to inform the “morning team” about it. (It’s actually impossible to contact the morning team directly, all the administration is on the main/supper team). One of the workers of the morning team sends us their email stating all the food requirements and surprise surprise, the coconut was absent. So the lady in the Main team whom Victoria was working with mis-wrote the email and forgot to state about the coconut to the morning team. Plus, coconut is not considered a common allergen so it is rarely written on the menue pamphlet.The catering, to excuse themselves, reimburse the whole bill for the morning and supper. It was a very fancy catering business, so the bill was quite high. They even gave additional sum (for me) at the condition we don’t sue. Victoria left me with the choice. And I chose to take the money. I know there is a possibility to get more if we sued, but in the end, no one died and I didn’t want to go trough a whole suing process. Plus, this whole situation could have been avoided if I went to the chef beforehand, so in court that would have played against us. My bother and Vic did a whole post on their wedding Facebook group about this situation. They said that the incident was not their fault, nor mine, but the catering business who took responsibility for their action. After it, many of the family members who wrote me insults excuse themselves about their comments. My brother is still bitter about this situation and still think I could have simply waited a day before telling the bride about the incident. But Vic and I are closer now than we were. So this is a happy ending. And I can only wish the catering will learn they lesson and create a better system for allergies. And for now, I will always double check with the catering business on next weddings!

AITA for telling to my SIL why I've missed her wedding ceremony and therefore ruining her wedding evening

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nz66s/aita_for_telling_to_my_sil_why_ive_missed_her/

14nzc1l

**Need help looking for an update?** Comment below! &#x200B; * View last month's [Looking for a Post - June 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xnnat/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_june_2023_edition/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2/) thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here. * We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. [Discord link](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) * **Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts.** You will be banned if you do so. * Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. **Do NOT harass OOPs.** * If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it. * If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread. * If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread. &#x200B; # DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the [brigading policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/) &#x200B; &#x200B; **Tools to search for a post** View our [How to search for a post wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/search) &#x200B; **Popular Posts** A list of the [most frequently requested posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/faq_lfp) such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth has no update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can [read it here](https://www.rareddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ze6pf2/my_husband_started_acting_strangely_upon_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). &#x200B; This exists now: [List of flair origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins) &#x200B; **Looking for something to read?** * [r/BestofBoru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofBoru/) \- a companion sub of curated, concluded updates * [r/bestofpositiveupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/) * [r/OhNoConsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/) by BoRU mod [u/mermaidpaint](https://www.reddit.com/u/mermaidpaint/) * r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts * [Best Updates of 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rzxz1z/announcing_borus_1st_annual_best_of_winners/) * [Recommended Subs & Collections](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading)\* \*Collections only work on desktop new reddit &#x200B; **Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.**

Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - July 2023 Edition

META

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nzc1l/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_july_2023_edition/

14o06qn

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/aislethrowaway. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoiv2b/aita_for_not_asking_my_father_to_walk_me_down_the/)**: January 14, 2020** Throwaway for personal reasons. I (27F) am engaged, planning to get married to my partner (30F) of 3yrs next year. Since I came out as bi (when I was 15) my dad hasn't been supportive of me. He was upset when I first told him about my fiancee & has made it clear he doesn’t approve of me being with a woman. He’s v distant when I take her to my parents’ home for dinner, won't talk to her when making conversation at the dinner table. When my fiancee isn't around he's made a lot of subtle cutting comments about her/our relationship despite me telling him to back off, he makes it v clear in general that he doesn’t see her as family. Basically he's been casually homophobic my entire life, you know the type. He's not providing any financial support for the wedding & when I asked if he would actually be attending the wedding he just gave me a snide "we'll see" so I honestly wasn't even expecting he would turn up. Part of our intended wedding ceremony will involve me being walked down the aisle & given away, I enjoy a lot of the classic wedding traditions & that's one I really want to carry out. I assumed my dad wouldn't want to walk me down the aisle, tbh I don't want him to either, so I asked a male friend (58M) instead (1 week ago). This man has known me for almost half my life, he's like a mentor to me & honestly has been more of a father figure to me than my actual dad has, I love him like a paternal figure. We met when I was 16, he was teaching an acting class I signed up for (we both work in theatre). He's provided lots of emotional support over the years & been openly supportive of my relationship from the start. He has two sons around my age & has said before he sees me a bit like the daughter he never had. He said he'd be honoured to give me away. My dad learned of this fact recently, I’m not sure how. He's FURIOUS, he says I’m undermining his authority as a parent & making him look like an asshole/fool to everyone who attends the wedding & if I insist on going through with this he won’t attend at all, there’s no way he’s going to sit at a table & watch some other man give me away. He's pissed I didn't ask him. After he said that I asked if he would have said yes, he dodged the question & yelled at me & eventually hung up on me. I admit I didn't consider asking him & I honestly didn't see the need to. I guess it'll be embarrassing for my dad if he comes but considering his behaviour towards me & my fiancee over the course of our relationship I don’t feel like he’s justified to make this demand. Am I the asshole for not asking my actual dad to walk me down the aisle? ***Relevant Comments:*** *NTA, but know that this will impact your relationship forever:* "I understand that, it saddens me a little because he is after all still my dad and I wish we had gotten a relationship where he would be willing to walk me down the aisle, but at this point I just want to focus on my future with my fiancee, I am learning to live with the thought that he will choose to not be part of my life. Thank you for the judgment :)" *Where is your mom in all of this?* "My mom is mostly staying out of it tbh, she did say it would be a little strange to see another man walk me down the aisle but she does understand why I would choose someone else over my dad, ultimately it's our wedding & my mom's biggest concern is that I'm happy, she will also be basically the big star for the tea ceremony so she's p happy about that haha!" *Why are you even asking this when you're obviously not the asshole?* "Thank you for the judgment, I didn't include this in the original post because character limit but it was mostly motivated by my brother & some other relatives who were telling me I should have at least asked & taken the likely rejection before going on to ask my friend, still thinking over whether that would have made things less dramatic than they are now" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14hgzkf/update_aita_for_not_asking_my_father_to_walk_me/)**: June 23, 2023 (3.5 years later)** Hi AITA, I posted here 3 years ago. This update is obviously LONG overdue but things have been intense the past few years so I forgot about this account for a long time. I remembered it while browsing some other subreddits & thought I would share my update because things are better than I ever thought they could be back in 2020. So COVID obviously scuppered our wedding plans, it was meant to be in Jan 2021, but by that time our country still wasn’t in stable enough condition to throw the big wedding with friends & family we wanted. I also lost my job because my company closed, so we wanted to watch our budget. My dad got COVID early in the pandemic & it was bad enough that he ended up in hospital. Visiting rules were v strict & only my mom could visit him & they were both actually really scared he might die. He didn’t but it affected him for a long time afterward. He started going back to church when things opened up a bit (both my parents are Catholic but my mom was always the more religious one, he was a bit more lapsed) & you guys will not believe this - my wife & I were SHOCKED - that was what made him realise he was a bit of a homophobic AH?!?! The church he went to is quite progressive & is big on the whole ‘accept everyone exactly as they are because that is how God made us & only God can judge’ stuff, & the ‘almost dying from COVID’ thing apparently gave him a different outlook on things. Cut a long story short, we started seeing each other more, we had a lot of long emotional talks, he slowly started apologising to me & my wife for being an AH (including the wedding thing) & we are now closer than we have been since I was a TEENAGER. Both he & my mentor were at our make-up wedding last year. We ended up making the ceremony a lot less formal than planned because I guess living through COVID gave us different outlooks too, my wife & I just wanted to have a fun time & not care too much about strict traditions, so we ended up walking down the aisle together while all our family & friends sat & watched & cheered lol! Things are good. We have dinner with my parents at least once a month & it’s awesome. I found a better job & we’re more financially stable now & thinking about having kids. I’m excited. Thanks AITA for the judgments & responses back then & I guess I want to tell everyone that sometimes things work out even when you don’t expect them to. Life can surprise you so look forward to those surprises! ***Cute Relevant Comments:*** *I'm so happy OOP's typing style hasn't changed:* "It never will! My wife has given up! 😂 (sometimes I remind her she pours the milk before the cornflakes so let's not throw stones about weird habits 😂)" *More about the wife:* "She's given me permission to share this story: the first time I stayed over at her place she had cornflakes for breakfast (sidenote that her ultimate fave cornflakes are Raisin Bran, IN MILK, she's so weird!), I watched her pour the milk first & I joked "\[wife's name\] this is it, I don't think we'll work out" & she rolled her eyes & laughed & jokingly threatened to serve me cornflakes in my black coffee. I internally went "okay, I might marry this woman one day". 😂"

AITA for not asking my father to walk me down the aisle?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14o06qn/aita_for_not_asking_my_father_to_walk_me_down_the/

14o2fzk

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Expensive_Pangolin60 **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!Financial abuse, emotional abuse, trauma, financial struggles, neglect, psychological manipulation !< mood spoilers: >!Frustration, sadness, confusion, disappointment, anger, relief, exhaustion!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/142h8xb/wibta_for_calling_of_a_wedding_because_my_fiancé/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, June 06, 2023 I 31F struggle with my fiancé’s 32M frugalness and not sure if I want to marry him anymore after 3 year relationship. Throwaway as my Fiancé follows my regular account. I met my Fiancé 3 years ago. He came out of an abusive marriage just 2 years before we met. One of her absolute abuses was financial. She bled him dry. Made him buy expensive jewelry only to give it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes, big house cars… Caribbean trips. you name it she made him pay for it. She also took him to the cleaners in the divorce. However. My Fiancé is very well off. He makes far over 6 figures almost 7. On top of that he inherited a few millions from his grandfather and his parents gifted him and his siblings also a few cool millions. So yes the financial abuse was bad but he does not suffer financially. He has more money than he will ever need. So last year I moved into his house. I do not pay rent but I split the bills and buy food. I pay for my own clothes and jewelry. I have a good job and I can take care of myself. However things have been taking a turn for the worse and I feel miserable. His house was empty when I moved in. He had hand me down furniture. Maybe 3 forks and 2 knives. He wouldn’t put on the heating so the house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations. His ex took everything not bolted down and he was too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million dollar house like that! I am grateful that I can live in his house. It is something I could never afford myself. But I didn’t want to live in squalor! So I bought some kitchen supplies, some furniture… but at some point I realized I was dipping in my savings all the time and he did nothing. I looked into curtains but those things are expensive. His house has so many windows it is crazy. I didn’t want to pay for this anymore. I told him I needed a fund to furnish his house. He blew up at me that I was just with him for his money. I pointed out all the money I spend on his house. The gifts and the trips because he pays for nothing ever. Because he wants to be sure I am not here for the money. The fact is, if we break up I have nothing… the house is not mine. If I spend all my savings on his house I will be left with absolutely nothing! He wants a prenup and I am fine with that but I can’t help but feel used. Next to that I am jealous of his ex wife. I feel like she got treated and I am neglected. He proposed to his ex on a cruise with a 10.000 dollar white gold diamond ring. I got the rhodium plated Swarovski stuff that might cost like 100 bucks. The proposal was at a picnic in the park I organized, payed groceries for and slaved in the kitchen for. I almost said no out of pure disappointment . However I am afraid to bring it up and to be called a golddigger. I don’t want to be funding a millionaire’s lifestyle. He loves everything as long as I pay for it. As soon as he has to pay it is frivolous, unnecessary…. I can live like a poor person by myself. At least the fact there are literal millions lying around doesn’t hang over me to bum me out.and I would just be paying for my own lifestyle. WIBTA for calling of a wedding purely for financial reasons. Because I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in contrast to his ex her extravaganza, will our future kids be able to have some luxuries? Or only if I pay for it? What if I ever become a stay at home mom? Will I have to beg to put the heating on? Edited to answer questions I see a lot: I know the abuse is not made up. His family and friends told me seperate stories of the abuse they witnessed. Not only did it confirm it, it showed me she was way more terrible than I thought. Like stealing heirloom jewelry of his grandma with alzheimer right after she was widowed. Pretending she was gifted these things even though every one knew grandma hated her guts. I did not realize or see he is doing the same to me as she was to him and he is (subconsciously) punishing me for what was done to him. I am not trying to force a lifestyle in him where he was previously happy in. He told me prior to moving in that he left his house like this because he was depressed after his wife took everything ( even the curtains) that it makes him sad and he wants a cozy home. He just didn’t know where to start. His house is paid off, thanks to grand dad. He isn’t actually spending much on utilities either, house is very well isolated and has solar panels. It is weird to see how cheap being rich really is. I am not asking for designer furniture. Ikea all the way and I have refurbished second hand furniture myself. I am actually pretty thrifty . I see where my jealousy over the ex her lifestyle might have triggered some people. Let me explain. A 10.000 dollar ring is insane and stupid to me. I do not want that because I would fear for losing it every day. I don’t need an over the top wedding … however, it almost feels like for her he did effort. Wanted to give her what made her happy. Put effort and thought in it. With me it almost feels like he wants to prove how little he can give me. He talked about how he would see the wedding and it is cheaper than my actually financially struggling cousin her wedding. I can’t help but feel he wants to demonstrate how cheap he can treat me! And I already feel embarrassed about the family that would have been to both and I will feel like the discount wife. I don’t like to say it but it feels like he gets of on it to some extend. We are almost talking washing paper plates at this moment. Yes I did discuss selling the mansion I really don’t need and move to a more modest house. Especially knowing this is the house his ex picked. He doesn’t want to do that. He loves this house… but I feel really intimidated living in a house I could never afford anyway. And so many large windows… tjeesh I havn’t talked to him yet but pauze on the marriage and counseling is a must . I already am looking for IC because I realized I might indeed be too much of a people pleaser allowing him to control me with the ghost of his ex. I also am going to seperate for a while. I am looking to rent something for a few months so I can get some space. Thank you all for your insights ! *Notable Comments:* SeniorDay >NTA. “I understand you’ve had some trauma in your past and I’m sorry you went through that. But I can’t allow you to mistreat me because of it. It burns me up inside that you gave her everything, but I have to beg for the bare minimum. I deserve to feel cherished by my partner, as I have cherished you.” OP >Oomph that hit me right in the feels. 😢 moth\_girl\_7 >Replying to add on to the above statement: “I am not with you because of the money you have, and if you can’t trust that then that’s something you need to work on. I cannot live without heat, furniture, curtains, and basic decency just to prove to you that I am not a financial abuser like your ex. It feels as if you are projecting that image onto me and that is unfair.” His way of coping is extremely unhealthy. What he should be doing is talking to a therapist about how he can communicate his needs to you, not shutting you out and behaving the complete opposite of how he did with this ex. He should set some healthy boundaries on how he spends his money, sure, but he also needs to acknowledge that you asking for some financial contribution to the house you live in isn’t the same as his ex demanding he take her on a cruise. He needs to find some ways he can feel appreciated when he does spend money on things you benefit from, and he needs to trust that he is in full control of his money, you have no desire to take that from him. [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14615lh/update_wibtah_for_calling_of_my_wedding_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sat, June 10, 2023 Okay I hope this update makes sense because I am very confused and not really doing that well at the moment. Well Reddit you changed my life. thank you so much for all your ideas and insights. Honestly I don’t think I would have had the courage to do what I did without you guys. I went to therapy Took the day off just to get my racing mind to calm down. Therapy has confirmed things you guys suspected. I am a people pleaser, I wanted to “save” him and I have internalized the idea that any effort and every penny I want him to spend on me makes me a gold digger. I will have weekly sessions to work on me. I realized I would have never taken this treatment from any of my exes. Even though I made more then them. The idea I had to proof myself “ worthy “ to be with a millionaire and not be in there for the money got in to my head pretty early. I called one of his siblings I am pretty close with and just told her everything. She was not surprised but just sad about how unhappy he was making me. She told me that from the day we started he had this idea that “ I was out of his league”. He struggled to understand why I wanted to be with him and he probably just thought : it must be my money. She told me she already talked to him in the past to treat me better. She was furious about the proposal. This information confused me a little. I was a little hurt she never discussed any of this before but she thought it was none of her business. She also explained how she and her husband organized their finances. He also doesn’t have as much as her. I took the opportunity to pack a bag. I haven’t n’t found a place yet but I am going to stay with my parents. I made up my mind that I will at least want 6 months apart to get myself in order. I made sure my stuff was in the car because honestly I had no idea how the conversation would go. so into the most difficult part. The talk. I waited for him to come home. He was pretty late but I didn’t want to sleep another night on this. Pretending I was fine while I was contemplating all this just ate me up. I had written down what I wanted to say. I have never been so scared before. I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t know how he would react. I took some advice from here. I opened that I was moving out and that I wanted to pauze our engagement. He was very quiet and just sat down. I told him he really hurt me by calling me a golddigger and that I am done walking on eggshells and feeling guilty for just wanting basic things. I told him I was unhappy and felt neglected. I also told him that after 3 years of me showing up for him he still doesn’t think I am here for him, it is not going to happen. He was just quiet. He didn’t say anything. I told him that the constant comparing to his ex was unhealthy and unfair.Punishing me for her sins was abusive. I told him comparing her to me all the time has triggered me comparing myself to her and starting to feel like she was worth more than me. One of the things about her was mostly ungratefulness. He would do nice things for her but it was never enough. The thing is, he doesn’t do nice things for me and I have to be grateful for the pleasure of picking up the bill. I told him he was not ready for marriage. That I dreaded having kids with him and live like this. That is didn’t trust he would take care of me if I would become a SAHM. And at that point I just called him abusive and a user. I was getting pretty angry saying all this out loud. Losing my composer and script a little bit. He remained quiet with almost no emotion on his face. I stayed quiet but nothing came out so I decided that I would just leave. Only when I got up to go he said please don’t go. He asked me if I was pausing the wedding or calling it of. He wanted to know if it was over or if he still had a shot. I told him I wanted out of this house. I honestly don’t want to live in his ex her palace of sadness anymore. I needed him to go to therapy and especially financial therapy. I needed a separation. I told him I was open to couples counseling if he went into IC. He begged me not to do the separation but honestly I really really wanted it. I just told him to think about it and I left him. He was finally showing some emotions. He was crying at this point. He sent me a very long text somewhere in the AM. Told me he was a wreck and couldn’t sleep. He made all kinds of promises. He would go into therapy, sell his house, buy a smaller one and make sure I am taken care of whatever happens. He said he would help me decorate and we will make a home. He again asked me to please come “home”. But to me it doesn’t feel like home there anyway. I feel very empty and tired. I have been sleeping most of the day. I feel guilty but also a little bit relieved if that makes sense.I don’t know if I actually want back if he does all that. Idk I am a little unsteady right now. I need some time to proces. I will go back for the kitchen supplies and my tv. I won’t take anything else of the furniture. This for the exact same reason I was unwilling to buy everything: his house is huge so the couch is huge … I can’t take it. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTA for calling off a wedding because my fiancé is extremely frugal?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14o2fzk/wibta_for_calling_off_a_wedding_because_my_fiancé/

14o8m26

**I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by** u/anonymousAITAH **on** r/AmItheAsshole**.** Fact to cover spoilers: 70% of brides still choose diamonds for their wedding/engagement ring(s). The next most popular stone is sapphire, which is nearly as hard as a diamond, also making it a good stone for everyday wear. *light editing done for readability* TW: >!miscarriage!< Mood: >!stressful!< [**AITA For calling my fiancée selfish for wanting to announce her pregnancy at her cousins wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13wo6bs/aita_for_calling_my_fianc%C3%A9e_selfish_for_wanting/) (31 May 2023) Throwaway My fiancee(29) and I(31M) just found out that we’re pregnant. My fiancée mentioned that she wanted to wait to announce it at her cousin’s wedding which will be taking place on Sunday. Her cousin and her husband has been struggling getting pregnant even with IVF or the tons of others. Recently they just got some news that their insurance has stopped funding IVF and not to mention the heartbreak of a recent miscarriage on Mothers Day. They almost understandably held off on the wedding. So when my fiancée brought it up to me, I told her it’s not at all a good idea. This just seemed so wrong, especially it being at their wedding. I asked, if she was gonna at least ask her cousin for permission and she said, no because she wanted it to be a surprise for everyone. I told her it’s not the time nor the place for that and it would take the spotlight off the couple(in her family there hasn’t been a baby in 3 years so we’d be the first in that time). Fiancée feels that’s the perfect time because it’s such a joy and it’s not like she can keep it away forever and their problems shouldn’t keep her from telling something so positive, so it's on them if they turn it negative. I told her that’s not the point, she knows what they’ve been through and she’s being selfish if she actually goes through with that. She cried and claimed I wasn’t being supportive and I shouldn’t be calling my pregnant fiancee selfish. She doesn’t want me to come with her to the wedding anymore either, feeling as if I would ‘kill the mood’. She hasn’t been talking to me either Edit: So about my fiancée and her cousins relationship. My fiancée always saw competition in her cousin because her cus would be better at some things than her. (Grades, Dancing, Cosmetics, etc.) since they were kids and she hates that. Last year they had an argument about it because fiancée felt her cus bragged too much, where as my fiancée also mentioned “there was one thing her cus wasn’t good at” but never said what it was. So in shorter terms the relationship is in between good and bad, but her cus wanted to invite her to the wedding, I’m guessing to rekindle that. &#x200B; [**UPDATE: AITA For calling my fiancée selfish for wanting to announce her pregnancy at her cousins wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14hvri2/update_aita_for_calling_my_fianc%C3%A9e_selfish_for/) (24 Jun 2023) Sorry for the long wait as I have been going through some things (me and my fiancée breaking up, work, death of my grandfather, etc) So I didn’t expect to get a bunch of replies to my post. But a lot of them were helpful, my ex was determined to go to the wedding, despite my protests and even planned out how she was going to be refusing alcohol when offered. I did tell my ex’s parents about what she was planning on doing. I didn’t want to tell the groom or bride because I wouldn’t know how to put it in words that would make the whole situation any less awful. Ex’s parents did end up telling the bride's parents and then they told the bride. The bride was so upset that she, unfortunately, called off the wedding. Everyone wanted her to continue it and invite my ex for a couple of plans guests thought of (ex: when my ex announced it everyone would just stay nonchalant and not give her the excited reaction she was hoping for, and the classic just don't invite her plan. The bride was just understandably wanted to be left alone and she just texted my fiancee a very long paragraph telling her what a horrible person she was. She just decided not to do the wedding anymore, and her fiancé was very heartbroken, but all in all, they were both grateful to me. My ex instantly knew that I was ‘the cause’ of all of this and she was furious at me, even more, because I posted about it here, but also said a pretty sick thing about how she still pretty much ‘won’ anyways. I just decided to break up with her myself after that. Some of her family members are kinda upset with me, as they believed I just caused a bunch of drama. Now I'm currently in the works of talking to an attorney as my ex told me I will not be seeing the baby after they're born. So all that on top of grief, working, breakup, being called a ‘mess starter’ by some of her family, and still feeling like shit because either way the bride and groom were heartbroken. It's just putting a bunch of anxiety and stress on me lol. Anyways here is the long-awaited update. Any questions, I’ll answer. Edit: So they were pretty much already contemplating on canceling the wedding. Family members did stress her out over her miscarriage and canceling. Her fiance's family were excessive about she couldn't carry a baby to full term like a real woman. Not to mention her own family went around spreading her miscarriage like wildfire which is how my ex and I found out. They told it to co-workers even. It's not the first time my ex has also interrupted her cousin's big events (ex: when turning 17, my ex cake-smashed her, which wasn't fun for her cousin) their first pregnancy announcement(which was the miscarriage) was ruined because my ex blurted the news out, but her cousins told to get over that because it was a miscarriage anyways, so she's told by family members This is what I was told when asking her fiance. So she's been at a breaking point for a while. She was considering just still continuing the wedding but wanted to be left alone. They didn't call off the wedding permanently, just until the bride has cooled herself down. **Relevant Comment:** [Commenter](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14hvri2/comment/jpcyd4f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): Is your ex okay? Did she have like a meltdown or something? This all seems so weird **OOP:** No she didn’t. She is upset because I broke up with her. **Reminder:** **I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by** u/anonymousAITAH **on** r/AmItheAsshole**. Flared as concluded because the wedding time was passed and OOP has broken up with his fiancee .**

AITA For calling my fiancée selfish for wanting to announce her pregnancy at her cousins wedding?

CONCLUDED

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14o8m26/aita_for_calling_my_fiancée_selfish_for_wanting/

14oay78

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/OceanBoil. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!best outcome!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14abpt0/aita_for_threatening_to_kick_out_stepdaughter_for/)**: June 15, 2023** 4 years ago my wife passed away due to breast cancer, leaving me (42M) and my daughters 19F and 17F behind. 1,5 years ago I met Vicky (47F) and we quickly fell in love. Vicky has a daughter, Heather (24F), and together they came to live with us. Vicky and I did not get married however, so Heather isn’t technically my stepdaughter. Almost from the beginning Heather wasn’t very nice towards me, to say the least. I tried to get to know her and atleast establish a cordial relationship, but nothing worked. She was very disrespectful and hateful to me but also to her mother. Heather also picked verbal fights with my daughters, but I squashed that soon after it happened. Heather was the instigator and I told her that if she had a problem, she should direct it at me instead of at my daughters. It seemed to work. Last week was Casey’s (my eldest daughter) 19th birthday. I gave her a spa package treatment for two persons (total 500 dollars) in the form of a gift card. And told her she could pick another person to go with. She chose her younger sister, who was happy to go. They would pick a date and make the reservation. Casey wanted to make the reservation two days ago, but couldn’t find the gift card. After hours of searching we couldn’t find it. When Heather came home we asked if she had seen it, she told us she didn’t. After another hour, Vicky found the gift card in Heather’s room (against Heather’s protests) after awhile Heather admitted she took the card from Casey’s room and went to the spa two days ago with her girlfriend. I was pissed and told her that if she didn’t pay Casey 500 dollars, I would kick her out. Since Heather doesn’t have a job and has dropped out of college, she says she can’t pay it. (She has been living at my house rent free with everything paid for). I told her if she can’t pay for it, she should go live with her deadbeat father instead. She called me every name in the book and locked herself in her room. Vicky says it was an asshole move, since she has nowhere to go and her father won’t pay for her to live with him. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Has Heather done things like this before?* "Heather has never stolen before, this is new, and I didn’t see it coming. She has indicated that she doesn’t like my daughters. I left this out but, my youngest daughter once cooked for the family, taking everyone’s diet wishes into account as much as possible. Heather didn’t even touch the food and went to the Burger King. When my youngest told her she could at least try it, Heather called her a Bitch." *My dude, is your relationship with Vicky more important than you daughters?* "Of course my daughters are way more important. I guess I was just desensitized to it with regard to this particular situation. Because neither Vicky nor Heather can cook, I always cook after work. And Heather never touched the food I make either." *What does Heather eat? Does she use your money to buy food?* "Yes, Heather gets spending money every week for food, gas and other things." *Soooo is Vicky then going to pay the $500 her daughter stole?* "Vicky has been a SAHM since her daughter was born. Vicky doesn’t have a job. Her ex was ordered to pay alimony and child support, but he has never paid. And yes, I am looking at Vicky in a new light, this is concerning." *What does Vicky suggest the punishment be?* "Vicky suggests a harsh talking to. I don’t think that would help much. She doesn’t even listen to her mother that often." ***OOP is voted NTA, but people encourage him to rethink this relationship*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/OceanBoil/comments/14hai7p/update_aita_for_threatening_to_kick_out/)**: June 23, 2023 (8 days later)** (I also edited my original AITA post with this information) Quite some people have been asking for an update. Considering it’s been a rough week and only now, are things calming down, I thought I’d write an update. I sat down with my daughters and had a long conversation about Heather, my relationship with Vicky and how I’d let it go up to this point. In short, my daughters have for a long time hated Heather. They didn’t have many problems with Vicky, only regarding how Vicky always lets Heather easy off the hook. I read many comments and I started doubting my relationship with Vicky. I knew it wasn’t perfect but thought we loved each other. My daughters are of the opinion that Vicky never loved me but that I also never really loved Vicky. Especially, Casey thought it was more companionship that we shared, and that I was lonely. Damn, my daughter hid the nail on the head. She was right. I didn’t want to spoil my daughters day to the spa and paid for it, so that they could still go. They went a few days ago and had a blast. Regarding Heather, I essentially kicked her out. Vicky threatened to leave if I kicked Heather out, and I told Vicky she was free to also go. After that she quickly back-pedalled and told me she didn’t want to go. Heather made a fuss, but I let her take her stuff and she moved out within 2 days. She is (temporarily) staying at a girlfriend of hers. I told Vicky that if Heather didn’t pay the $500 back, we were going to call the police and report her. Vicky was horrified, and called her parents. I was surprised by this, because Vicky told me she had a bad relationship with her parents. As far as I know, her parents gave her the 500 and she gave the 500 to me. After this I was about to have a difficult conversation with Vicky and wanted to tell her we are over, but she beat me to it. She told me that I treated Heather like shit (because I was threatening to call the police) and she couldn’t live with that. I was relieved and it probably showed, prompting Vicky to call me out asking if I was going to try to make it up to her and convince her to stay. I told her no. After this, and a lot of screaming on Vicky’s part, she also left. She is staying with a married couple that are close friends with her. It took a bit more time and energy to move her stuff to her friends house. While I was there helping to move her stuff I was essentially ignored, so I have no idea what Vicky told them. Today is the first day of peace and quiet in my house, and I already notice that my daughters are a lot happier. That’s all that matters to me. I want to thank everyone for their posts and weighing in.

AITA for threatening to kick out stepdaughter for stealing from daughter?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14oay78/aita_for_threatening_to_kick_out_stepdaughter_for/

14oe17m

***This BORU post was originally compiled by*** u/Sea-Elephant-2138 ***in the BORU discord server, with tweaks in formatting and links.*** **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/shawtyshawty1 **in AITA** Reminder: Do not comment on linked posts trigger warnings: >!medical, ectopic pregnancy!< mood spoilers: >!resolved mostly happily!< \--- **AITA for calling my boyfriend’s mom’s best friend (local doctor where I live) for urgent pregnancy advice** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13bicmc/aita\_for\_calling\_my\_boyfriends\_moms\_best\_friend/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13bicmc/aita_for_calling_my_boyfriends_moms_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- May 8th, 2023 I (27f) found out I am pregnant via at home tests late on Thursday afternoon. I recently moved to the area my boyfriend grew up in. I do not have a doctor here yet. My boyfriend and his mom are away visiting family across the country. I am very close with his mom and have also gotten close with her best friend (F \~45) who is currently living temporarily with her locally and is an ER doctor here. On Thursday evening, after countless unanswered calls, I was debating going to the ER for testing / ultrasound (not ideal obviously but I needed to see a specialist asap). For quick context on why I had to react quickly, I had an ectopic pregnancy a few years ago that resulted in sudden internal bleeding and a near death emergency surgery. I am very high risk for another one. So, after discussing with my boyfriend and taking his advice, I called the friend of his mom who was home and off-duty. I explained my situation very directly and calmly and asked for her direction. She told me to not rush to an ER and gave a referral for the next day. I expressed how appreciative I was. She said call if anything came up that evening, and the conversation ended amicably. Fast forward 3 days. I receive a text at 12am from her. Here it is with some redactions for privacy: >“I feel that it is necessary that I make you aware of a few things. I feel that it was wholly inappropriate that you involve me in your personal drama. > >X (boyfriend’s mom) is my best friend. I was placed in a no win situation by a person who clearly doesn’t understand boundaries. A person who relies on the fact that people are kind and accommodating even when their personal comfort is compromised. The sweet unassuming innocuous helpless little girl act is just that— an act. > >What I see is a subversive manipulative sociopathic person who had to go out of her way to ruin X’s vacation. And you used me to do it. Because you clearly have issues with boundaries I’m going to make this crystal clear. I am not interested in any further interaction with you. The Dr (her last name) free clinic is closed You have crossed a line and I do not want to be saddled with your issues medical or otherwise. There is no need to respond to this text.” While calling her was a difficult choice and my last resort, the more I’ve sat on the text message, the more I’ve started to think I am the asshole for not considering further the position I was putting her in. I can see how she felt I overstepped given her friendship with X. I spoke with X on my own on Friday, but that’s irrelevant here. On the other hand, I can’t shake that - especially as a medical professional - she reduced my health concerns I shared with her over a risky pregnancy to drama in a 12am text. I know I was asking a huge favor, but i thought in the moment it was the best option in a tough situation where I was alone. AITA for involving someone - who I now very clearly know didn’t want to be involved - in my pregnancy situation? Clarification edit: our phone call was at 5pm, not 12am. 12am was when I received the text message 3 nights later. **OOP answers a bunch of question in the comments on the post, this comment sums up most of the answers:** >How well do you know her? (Decently enough to have babysat her kids) > >For how long? (\~5 months) > >Have you asked for advise or favors before? (No) > >Have you ever ever worked for her for free and risked your career to do so?(technically yes to part one but it was a favor and I like babysitting, no to part two.. If her asking me to babysit for free could potentially in any way pose risk to my career, I would have said no). > >For the last paragraph, I am not sure why you’re making pieces of info up but here are my responses! > >“..I was to run to the ER” (I didn’t say that, doctors told me I must get testing done urgently to confirm where the pregnancy is located) > >You didn’t do that, why? (See above) > >Why did bf tell you to phone her? (Because he’s known her his whole life, she has told them to always come to her if in a stressful or non stressful medical situation where she could help. He knew I was alone and that she was a few minutes away at his moms house) > >“… but you don’t say you actually tried anything else” (I say, repeatedly in comments and in referring to countless calls in my OP, that I tried many other options). *Verdict: Not Enough Info* &#x200B; **Update: AITA for calling my boyfriend’s mom’s best friend (local doctor where I live) for urgent pregnancy advice** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13fl0ef/update\_aita\_for\_calling\_my\_boyfriends\_moms\_best/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13fl0ef/update_aita_for_calling_my_boyfriends_moms_best/) \- May 12th, 2023 I took the advice of many of you to show & discuss the text I received from the Dr friend with my bf and his mom. Here’s an update & conclusion to this situation for anyone interested. My bf & I (both equally confused) spoke with his mom. She was shocked by the text’s language, but, as many on my OP guessed, she knew missing context and wasn’t entirely surprised the friend reached out. Here is what she shared: \-Dr friend called her Thurs night, told her I was pregnant (high risk, past ectopic) & asked if she knew. \-On Friday, she called again & the tone was “definitely different”. Expressed she was very upset with me, thinks I was irresponsible to have not been on birth control given I had an ectopic rupture in the past, was questioning what kind of person I am, and was concerned (bf) and mom are being severely misled. \-Bf’s mom received “many” texts & 2 more phone calls on the trip. \-My bf asked if he could have the texts so we could understand exactly what was happening, she said yes. \-One text in particular sums up the gist of the Dr’s perspective & helps clarify why she sent me what she did. >“This all feels irresponsible, yet calculated. I keep thinking I could get a call that she’s not responsive, drive over there, and find her dead with her dog running around. I know how much that would devastate (bf). I was there through his mourning of (one of his best friends passed away tragically from drowning a few years ago..). I can’t see him and you go through that pain again and feel I’d be a bad friend to not share this concern about her character, intentions, and health”. No point in sharing my views on this here, more importantly how did the conflict conclude? My bf said he will never speak to the Dr. He feels like Dr used him to manipulate his mom into mistrusting me. He is furious that - if the Dr cares as much about him as she said in the messages- she did not text or call him once to make sure she had her facts straight (birth control assumption, incorrect) or even to make sure I was “not dead with my dog running around” (sry w.t.a.f) His mom will handle it however she wants to, that is private between her and her best friend, as I think it should be. Personally, I think I was the AH for calling the Dr, all context now considered. I regret it, & while I will remain baffled by her series of decisions made between our call & her text, even now knowing where her head was, the best I can do is move on. Thank you everyone who read & offered opinions, & in many cases who shared personal experiences around ectopic pregnancies. And with that, there is no need to respond to this text post. Just kidding. Except not kidding to anyone who claims an ectopic pregnancy can’t rupture the same day a woman pees on a stick. **Editor’s note: OP’s previous ectopic pregnancy had ruptured at 7 weeks, before she knew she was pregnant, some commenters claimed this wasn’t possible.** **Reminder - I am/am not the original poster.**

OP contacts a doctor acquaintance for medical advice, gets told off via midnight text 3 days later

CONCLUDED

GTX660King

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14oe17m/op_contacts_a_doctor_acquaintance_for_medical/

14of7l7

**I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by** [u/ThrowAway\_notfamily](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowAway_notfamily/) **on** r/AmItheAsshole**.** *Lightly edited for readability* [**AITA for reminding my mom’s friend she’s not actually related?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/140xdme/aita_for_reminding_my_moms_friend_shes_not/) (4 Jun 2023) Throwaway account because my parents follow my main. I’m on mobile so please excuse the formatting. I really don’t feel like I was a jerk here but I figured I should reach out to the people of Reddit for an unbiased opinion. My (16f) mom has a friend that she’s known since before I was born (we’ll call my mom’s friend E). E & her husband, C, are friends with my parents & I just think it’s a little weird at their age to have “besties”. Like it’s perfectly fine as adults to have your own friends but my mom & E call each other “their village” & C & my dad have literally been friends since middle school & hang out all the time, they’re at our house for dinner or game night or to work on projects at least twice a week. We also go to their house a lot, & whenever our families hang out together E & C’s daughter H (13f) also wants to hang out with me. It’s just a little irritating to have a younger kid always tagging around. If I tell her to leave me alone she usually will just go hang out with our moms but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s just in my house a lot. So on to the situation where I may have been the A hole; I got home from school, E & H are at my house. E is at the kitchen table so she sees me come in & says hi. I’ve had a long day and I’m tired so I just ignore her & go upstairs. H is in the game room so that’s even more irritating & I just go in my room. I come down for a drink of water around dinner time & C is now over too. Everybody is just hanging around in my house & frankly it’s just a little irritating. My dad &!C come in from the deck where I guess they’re grilling, my dad asks me if I “said hi to Aunt E, Uncle C, & my cousin”. This just kind of rubbed me the wrong way because technically they’re not related, even if they have known each other my whole life. So I told E just honestly “you know you’re not actually my aunt, right?” She looked kind of surprised but she smiled & said she knew so I didn’t think anybody was upset or anything. Then the next week was my birthday party, when I asked my mom when C, E, & H were getting there she said they weren’t coming. I expressed my surprise because I didn’t think there was any issue over me telling the truth but my mom gave me a really aggravated face & said “you can’t expect them to come over after you act like they’re not welcome all the time, right?” Then went on about how I can’t have it both ways but it’s not like that, I just don’t get why we hang out all the time it seems excessive, & a birthday is a different thing; they’ve always come to my parties. Even last year when H was not doing well they still dropped in to give me my gift. Now all our friends/family at the party keep asking where they are & it’s just stressing me out. My mom keeps asking me if I want her to call them & invite them, my dad keeps asking me to “stop pouting” but I’m really not I just don’t get why we have to act like we’re family & hang out all the time. So AITA? **Verdict:** Asshole **Relevant Comments:** * [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/140xdme/comment/jmxo6b3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I guess it’s just weird to me that they’re adults but hang out all the time even when E and my mom aren’t working on their business. * [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/140xdme/comment/jmxqzmr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I guess I haven’t thought enough about it to have a discussion with my parents. They do have a regular schedule of when they hang out so it’s not like I’m getting surprised but it just kind of gets old. I don’t really have many friends I’m close to whose house I can go to. I am kind of close to H but it can be hard hanging out with her because there’s an age difference and she’s a little odd sometimes because E has to homeschool her * [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/140xdme/comment/jmz2ztc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) This comment really hit me. I never would ever dislike H because she has lupus. Before E pulled her from school I would stick up for her a lot when kids in our middle school were bullying her for how she looked. That’s not her fault, and she really is an okay person she’s just younger than me so our interests our different now that I’m in high school. She still wants to do the stuff we always used to do but it seems babyish to me but I would never ever exclude her because of her illness, she is alone enough as it is because she has to be home or in the hospital so much. I would never want her to think that it’s because of her illness that I don’t want to hang out with her. (*editors note: the comment was deleted, but OOP's response had some valuable info that makes at least the gist of the comment somewhat clear*) [**UPDATE: AITA for reminding my mom’s friend that she’s not actually related?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1421a3e/update_aita_for_reminding_my_moms_friend_that/) (5 Jun 2023) So I read all the comments from everybody and I was pretty upset over the weekend before I realized that everyone was right and I was the asshole. I told my mom and dad that I’d like to talk to them if they would ask E, C, and H to come over. So we all got together for dinner and it was really nice, and I told them how sorry I was for being kind of a spoiled jerk. And that I want them to feel welcome to come over, birthday or not and I was sorry I acted like they weren’t welcome for family. E just said not to worry about it, that everybody needs space and that everybody understands it’s hard to socialize sometimes. C agreed and also said to just let them know if I feel like I need space in the future and I really appreciated that. I asked H if she would spend the night and I talked to her one-on-one and apologized especially if she thought I was excluding her for being sick. She called me dumb and said that of course she never thought that which was just really a relief. We have just been having a great time hanging out tonight, watching movies and playing video games and eating junk food like when we were younger. I guess they are family to me like they are to my parents, and I want to say thanks to everybody who pointed out that I’m kind of a selfish person, and that adults obviously have friends too. I still like my personal space and quiet time though. &#x200B; **Reminder:** **I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by** [u/ThrowAway\_notfamily](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowAway_notfamily/) **on** r/AmItheAsshole**.**

AITA for reminding my mom’s friend she’s not actually related?

CONCLUDED

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14of7l7/aita_for_reminding_my_moms_friend_shes_not/

14omzg1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwrausedfinances **My(f23) fiancé's(m25) graduation party for his master's might be my deal breaker** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Homophobia!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13tmz3j/myf23_fianc%C3%A9sm25_graduation_party_for_his_masters/) **May 28, 2023** We met in college and decided to not get married until we graduated to focus on our studies, and we have been dating for four years. He proposed to me during his last semester of his master's program, and he is studying to become a teacher. I graduated with my bachelors not too long ago, but his graduation party is showing a side of him that I believe to be a dealbreaker. His graduation party will be held at his father's who has a pretty big backyard, and many of the people from our wedding will be going. However, unlike our wedding invitation list, he said he didn't want to invite Jason (fake name) and his parents because he recently came out as gay, and that led to a conversation Jason and his parents were invited to our wedding, so that made me ask why he didn't want them at the graduation. He said that the wedding was an "us thing" and that he was "willing to compromise because it was our wedding". But when it came to the graduation, he said it was a "him thing because he was the one who graduated", so he didn't have to compromise "because he did the (school) work". When I asked what he meant by compromise, he said he'd tolerate Jason at our wedding because "that's what couples do", but the graduation was about him. When I asked if he'd support potential future children that came out, he said he'd "tolerate it for me" although he "disagreed with it" It is my fault for not asking that question earlier before we became engaged, but he made his stance clear. He said he'd be more distant to a child that turned out to be gay and would probably "let me do more of the parenting if so". He's always been a gentleman and amazing to me, but he grew up religious (parents were Christians) although he's said he's not anymore. I don't think we have a future after he said he would distance himself from a child who came out and leave it to me, and I just want to ask how to tell him so. I'm thinking another conversation like we had, but I want to ask for the best way to go about it. What would be the best way to tell him that I don't think we have a future together given his stance? TL;DR: Fiancé told me to not invite a family to his graduation party because their son (Jason) came out as gay. Jason and his family are invited to our wedding because he said a wedding was an "us thing" compared to the graduation that was a "him thing" **RELEVANT COMMENTS** BimboTwitchBarbie >Definitely. Tell him you aren’t interested in marrying a misogynistic bigot. >Him saying that he would leave the child rearing up to you, is so entitled and selfish. He probably would be useless as a dad regardless. I bet he would find any reason to ‘let you’ take the burden of childcare on your own. >I’m glad you found out before it was too late. OOP replied >I should've asked him earlier, but I also think it's a good thing to have found out now. Should I just tell him in another conversation that I don't think our views align for the future on this matter? * LeeroyX >I’m sorry, that’s hard. >On another note, I’m also sad he has a high chance of making life more difficult across his career for any gay children at any school he teaches at. I’m not surprised you don’t wish to marry him, it sounds like ongoing pain and disappointment. OOP replied >I've been thinking about that too honestly. He already subs at a school while working on his masters, and if he said he'd distance himself from his own gay kid, I wonder how he'd treat a gay student [Update - rareddit recovered](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/147c1z7/update_myf23_fianc%C3%A9sm25_graduation_party_for_his/) **June 11, 2023** A lot of people suggested talking to my fiancé in an open space or my parent's home about my dealbreaker, but I wasn't able to do my parents home although I got to talk to them and they agreed with my reasonings. They said they were disturbed by how easily he admitted he would distance himself from a potentially gay child and that it was a good thing it came out before the wedding. I also got a lot of people calling me out for not broaching the topic of gay children or how he felt about LGBTQ in the years we dated, and that's on me for never thinking to bring up. Going forward, it will be something I ask early on before getting emotionally invested in a relationship Because I couldn't speak to him at my parent's place, we ended up talking at a place we went for lunch, and I told him that I couldn't go forward in the relationship because he repeatedly said he wouldn't accept any children who came out. But when I said that, he didn't try to take it back and said that he was willing to "compromise" for me. He said it was better than "pretending" to agree with coming out and that he was being honest, but I told him I was done because of his beliefs, and he didn't take it well. He took it fine at the restaurant and finished lunch without saying much else, and he kept saying I was overreacting and that he couldn't believe I wanted to end the relationship over him wanting to compromise. My parents have been helping me with cancelling the wedding, but he took his spite online He made a Facebook rant a few days after that doubled down on a lot of the things he said, and he said he made it to explain his side of things. He said that I was breaking up with him despite him honest about his willingness to compromise and "not hiding it like many couples internalize things". He also said our country was "changing things that was always wrong" such as gay rights, and he said that people were "trying to shove gay rights down everyone's throats". He also said that you "can't say anything these days because of cancel culture and MeToo catering to sensitive people", and he said that the value of education was dropping because people were "becoming more stupid". He also said that that was why he wanted to become a teacher because there "weren't enough good ones", and those were just a few of the things in his rant. He also said that MeToo "enabled people from the consequences of their behavior" when they should instead "look at themselves in the mirror and how they dressed" too. He never said anything about MeToo during the duration of our relationship or anything that outspoken about gay rights until his graduation planning, and it was honestly surprising to read what he wrote. As I said above, I will be asking these questions at the start of dating going forward Lastly, some people suggested reporting my ex-fiancé to the school in my previous post because they said he could be harmful to gay students, and I especially agree after the post he made. I did receive a lot of hateful DMs from people who agreed with my ex and said that I'd be wrong to contact the school. Some even accused me of considering "cancelling" him in DMs and a few comments on my last post, but I don't see it as that. I see calling the school as something that's important because this mindset is harmful to so many, and he is already a substitute teacher at an elementary school (he began subbing before he graduated). I want to ask what would be the best way to go about it; whether that would be an email, phone call, or potential visit to do it in-person. I have already screenshotted the post he made, and I've only answered questions about the breakup from people who have called so far. My parents are helping me with some people who have called them too, but that is my last question about this situation, and I really appreciate everyone who commented advice on my first post TL;DR: I spoke to my fiancé and told him why I wanted to break up, but he doubled down on his belief and his side of the story in a Facebook rant a few days after **RELEVANT COMMENTS** OcielXD >He can't stand even having Jason and their parents at his graduation party...but planning on becoming a teacher? How's that going to work out for him if it turns out some of his students are gays, trans, etc.? I'm already feeling dreaded for his future students. >Also, how does being a part of the LGBTQA+ have anything to do with 'his thing,' aka party anyways? It's not like the kid's gonna steal his spotlight or whatever. >I'd write an e-mail or phone-in first, and then request to meet up with the school representative(s) or principal/dean/etc. if needed. I'm sorry that you have to deal with the backlash from those people...for doing the right thing, and thank you. OOP replied >He said he could choose the guest list for his graduation because he "did the work to graduate", so it was all about him. I kinda get that like a birthday party and inviting people that you want to be there, but not inviting someone because they're gay and they don't like being around it was really troubling even if it was at his own party. That's why he was upset that I wanted to break up because he said he was compromising for me * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My(f23) fiancé's(m25) graduation party for his master's might be my deal breaker

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14omzg1/myf23_fiancésm25_graduation_party_for_his_masters/

14oni38

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/yoga/comments/13rgtj3/i_had_a_seizure_at_yoga_i_am_too_embarrassed_to/) posted by u/maerlyns-rainbow in r/yoga on 25 May 2023 **I had a seizure at yoga, I am too embarrassed to go back** I am so embarrassed. I have hypocalcemia (low calcium in the blood) which can cause me to have severe cramping and muscle seizures, especially in my hands and arms. I can speak through them sometimes it is just slurred. I have finally found an in person yoga class I was enjoying and I have been exactly twice. So no one really knows me yet. I don't know what happened - I think I may have gotten too hot (I never let myself get that overheated when I do yoga at home) and right in the end of the session, during corpse pose, I had a seizure. It is an all ladies class and they had to come help me. Trying to cool me off, rubbing my fingers to try to get them to loosen, holding a cup of water for me to take calcium supplements and one even had to go to the grocery store next door and buy me a milk. I had to call my boyfriend to come pick me up and I'll have to go back for my car. I'm so embarrassed and I don't know that I can ever show my face there again. I am sure it was scary and not fun to see that happen or to try to help me recover. They usually have hot tea drinks together after the session and of course it got pushed back because of me and one lady had to leave before she even got her tea. I feel like the next time they saw me walk in they'd all be expecting me to seize again. Also I'm really afraid I might have another seizure which is painful on top of being embarrassing....although I might be okay if I modify the session a little so I don't overheat... What would you think if this happened at your yoga sesh or if this happened to you would you go back again or just stick to your home videos? Also what could I send to next week class as a thank you? Would you be happy if there was a little baked snack after your session to go with tea, like maybe donuts or cookies or something? I just feel like I need to thank them without having to show my face again lol ETA : Thank you so much for all the replies. I have read every one! This is truly one of the best places on reddit and the internet. You have all made me feel a lot better. Yes everyone there was so accepting and helpful. I will go back next week and try again! Some of the replies: >It sounds like the other people where really helpful and nice when you had your seizure? So if I was one of them I would just be happy that you are better. I would probably welcome some advice what to do and to expect if you have a seizure in a future session. But in no way would I be mad at you or something. >You shouldnt worry too much about it. Most people are really nice and happy to help, especially Yogis. There is nothing to be ashamed about when you have a seizure. >My wife, shes a yoga teacher, has had epileptic seizures in the past (she didnt have one for years now gladly) and I can understand why you feel how you feel. But I want you to know that there is nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about. There are many people who have/had seizures or have relatives that have/had them. Most of them are very understanding when it comes to that topic. >Just take some delicious cookies or something to your next lesson and thank the people for helping. Maybe tell them one or two things about handling your seizures if you feel comfortable or the need to talk about it. >I wish you all the best! --- >"What would you think if this happened at your yoga sesh..." >Me - "I hope that chick is Ok." >I would be relieved and motivated to see you in class again. Even though I'm introverted, I would be much more likely to greet you and welcome you back as well. --- >If one of my classmates had a seizure during yoga, I'd be really happy to see them again because I'd be glad they were okay. I also (and I'm a physical therapist, so this may just be a medical person thing) would keep an eye on you subtly during classes, and may inquire as to what I should do if it happens again. >Just own it. You have a medical condition, you didn't intentionally commit a faux pas. Just very matter of fact explain "yeah, I have a condition where I have seizures sometimes, it doesn't normally happen during yoga, I'm sorry if it frightened anyone", and maybe buy the ladies some special tea for next time as a "thanks for taking care of me" gift. >TLDR: Go back, dont be embarassed, most people are happy to help and very understanding. --- >Please don’t feel embarrassed. I’ve had a seizure before and I’ve seen others have them. No one wants to see you disappear after this. >Please think of this embarrassment as an opportunity for mental yoga. It’s a great time to explore these feelings and see if you can relax with them. ------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/yoga/comments/13ychbk/update_i_had_a_seizure_at_yoga_and_i_am/) posted by u/maerlyns-rainbow in r/yoga on 02 Jun 2023 **UPDATE: I had a seizure at yoga and I am embarrassed to go back** Update for any of you lovely people who gave me so much encouragement and kindness and we're wondering if I have made it back to class! I went back to class this week, and everyone was happy to see me just like you all said. I modified a few things to make sure I didn't get too close to that edge again and I stayed back by the door just in case, and the instructor was really conscious of the temperature in the room and opened some windows when it started to warm up. I made it through the entire session and had tea afterwards and it was really nice. I am really glad I fought my embarrassment to go back! Thank you again to all here who gave me so much love and warmth - I read every comment and laughed and cried and fought some inner demons too, ya know? **I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP had a seizure at yoga and is embarrassed to go back

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14oni38/oop_had_a_seizure_at_yoga_and_is_embarrassed_to/

14onpf8

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Present-Hope4502 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!Infidelity, Terminal illness, Loss of a loved one!< mood spoilers: >!Betrayal, heartbreak, determination, Hope!< &#x200B; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/141c8bz/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, June 05, 2023 I’m honestly not sure where to start so I guess I’ll just start. My husband and I have been dating since I was 19 and he was 22. We’ve been married for six years now. We have two kids and I’m six months pregnant with our third. Two years ago I found out my dad has stage three colon cancer. My dad is my only parent as my mom passed away when I was 12. He’s my favorite human and life without him doesn’t seem as colorful. His laugh is contagious and he gives these big bear hugs that seem to make all of your broken pieces feel like they’re perfectly in place again. Whenever I’ve had a hard day he doesn’t poke and prod and just lets me vent and listens. About five months ago we discovered the treatments aren’t working for him and in direct quote of the doctor he said “months not years.” Since then he’s gotten progressively worse and now is losing memory. He looked at the dog he got for me on my 21st birthday and said “wow that’s a nice dog, where’d you get it?” My husband has been my absolute rock. He has been there for me holding my hand and helping me through this. He’s been so loving and attentive to both my kids and I. Don’t get me wrong, I am a mother first always. I don’t allow myself to wallow. My kids are still loved, cared for, played with, and I haven’t let my load slack around the house. Once my dad got his updated prognosis my husband encouraged me to quit my job. About a month later we discovered we were pregnant again and I still hadn’t let go of my job, I kept holding out for some reason. After finding out I was pregnant again he ensured me it was still okay to quit my job, that honestly it would save us a small fortune on daycare costs anyways. So I did, I quit my job. My best friend and I have been friends since diapers. Her family is like my family and vice versa. My mom and her mom grew up together. We’ve always been solid and right after my dads appointment when we found out he had so little time left I drove straight to her house and she held me while I cried for hours. If there are soulmates in friend form, she was mine. “Thick as thieves” is what my mom used to say. This morning as I was up with my three year old (he’s sick) my husbands work alarm was going off. He has a few he sets so I turned that one off and gently woke him up, he said he was up late working so he took the morning off. Rolled over and went back to sleep. As I went to turn off the remained of his alarms I saw a text from my friend on his Lock Screen that said “I’m assuming since there hasn’t been an angry pregnant lady on my doorstep you haven’t told her about us yet?” Time froze in that moment. I took his phone and walked away and just read their conversations. Four months this man has been fucking my best friend. Four months these people have been lying to my face. And I know what you’re going to say, you should’ve seen the warning signs. But I’ve been clutching this phone in my hand for two hours and nothing. He has been so loving and attentive to me, but he always has been. So kind and gentle. There has been no late night work nights except for once in a blue moon, there has been no lingering touches between them or even glances. They act as they have since the day I first introduced them. How sick is it that she calls him her brother but she screws him? I know so many people get a moment of clarity in situations like this but I have none. Aside from being sad about my dad, I haven’t changed. I’m still a loving wife and mother. I still doted on him and my children. I talk to him about how he is doing and how was his day every freaking day. I haven’t allowed the ground to swallow me whole. I know what I have to do now, but I just don’t want to. I’m about to lose my family and my support system in one blow. I’ll confront him tomorrow. Today? Today I just need this last 24hrs of peace. As for her? I won’t give her the satisfaction of a response. I don’t care why she did it. She did it and it’s done. I was always the friend who cleaned up her messes. After today I will cut her out of my life like she never mattered at all. This has to be the hardest storm I’ll ever weather, but damn it I know it’ll sail through it. If not for me, for my children.   [UPDATE 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/141c8bz/comment/jn29jwy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, June 06, 2023 A small update about everything going on since my kids are now in bed for the night. I spent the morning gathering everything I could and making a check list. I sat in my office for the better part of the morning telling my husband that I was preparing things for my dad. Not a total lie I did have to get him sorted with hospice today. My boss would be happy to have me back, however my lawyer said pump the breaks on that idea for the time being. However my old boss did tell me that whenever I’m ready, the door is open and to just give her a call. He does not have access to my inheritance from my father nor my mother. My lawyer ensured me in that. I didn’t mention her in the post but my MIL is an absolute angel. I love and adore her so much and she’s always been a shoulder to lean on. After he had gone to work for the afternoon I asked my now ex best friends mom and my MIL to meet me at my dads house. My kids were outside playing with now ex-bffs older brother. I just handed them the screenshots, saving them from the unsavory pictures and sex tape though I did tell them it existed. To say they were furious was an understatement, and they are on my side completely. Angie, my now ex-bffs mom, is ready to cut contact with her daughter completely. She kept repeating how sorry she was. We hugged and cried together. My MIL told me she couldn’t believe she raised a spineless terrible human. That no matter what happens I will always have her and as far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a son, only a daughter. After an in person meeting with my lawyer we went over finances, logistics, and everything you could think of. She has all of the proof and she’s out for blood. With this post now on TikTok I don’t want him to find out by an app because one look at the story and he’d know it was about him. With permission from my lawyer. My ex bff, her mom and dad, my stbx and his parents will be having a get together tomorrow. By the time they’re sitting down and showing them everything and that I know. My dad, my kids, and my ex-bffs brother (he’s coming to help me juggle the kids and my dad, being big and pregnant doesn’t help with mobility) will be at my dads cabin a few hours away enjoying time and space. I know a lot of people were hoping for me to get revenge or do psychological warfare but honestly after my kids went to bed I took a shower and just broke. I don’t have the strength or energy to dish anything out. I just want out. Pretending like everything was okay today was too exhausting and I just don’t want to do it. Once he finds out tomorrow I’ll update with aftermath, as I’m sure it will be huge. As for now, thank you all so much for your kindness, warmth, and support. Truly. Your words have helped giving me the strength to keep my head above water. I appreciate every single last one of you for everything   [UPDATE 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Present-Hope4502/comments/142uhj6/update_to_my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, June 06, 2023 For my typing sake I’m going to give everyone (fake) names so for context MIL & FIL: Ruth and Joe EX-bff parents: Angie and Bob Ex bff- Jess STBX - Tyler Ex bffs brother- Jake And I’ll just refer to my dad as dad. I have a few things I want to get through so I’ll just summarize as best as I can and if you have any questions I’ll answer in the comments. To get this out of the way because to me it feels important. Yesterday I scheduled a same day appointment with my OBGYN and got tested for just about every STD/STI out there. I got the results for most back and they were all negative. There’s a few that take up to two weeks to get the results back for, so I’ll be waiting on those. When I met with my lawyer I brought everything on my end financially wise, including the wills from both my dad and my mom and I managed to get my hands on his financial documents. He stores his in his office in a locked box. I also brought over everything we had set up financially for my children. While I’m not totally sure if it’s everything I am pretty confident I got most of it. My lawyer was happy I managed to get my hands on that much. Ruth even handed over her will to me from both her and Bob to ensure I was taken care of in the divorce. My lawyer understands I am wanting a divorce immediately, however she wants to make sure she is thorough and isn’t missing any key info. So hopefully I’ll have actual divorce papers to give him in about 30 days. I’m not rushing her though, I’m letting the professional do her job. Now for the sit down. I asked Angie and Ruth to describe everything in detail on what happened. Angie, the revenge seeker that she is, forced them to sit through a SLIDE SHOW she put together of all of the texts. I know a lot of you were concerned about one of them telling them sooner than later but they were so secretive they didn’t even tell their significant others about what was happening. Once the slide show ended Tyler tried lunging for Jess and Joe actually had to force him to sit down. Tyler was shouting profanities at Jess and telling her she will “regret this”. Jess started crying and begging her parents for forgiveness. Bob looked his daughter in the eye and told her he will never forgive her for this, blood or not she is no daughter of his. He didn’t raise his daughter to be this person. Jess was always a daddy’s girl so I think that cut her pretty deep. Jess is in the middle of a divorce herself and her parents were giving her money for her lawyer and they told her she is cut off from them both financially and physically. Tyler’s dad was irate. According to Ruth he looked like he was holding back on throttling him. From there Tyler went straight home. I know because we have a ring doorbell camera along with a few cameras in the house for our kids to keep an eye on them when we aren’t right next to them. Tyler came home and saw that most of mine and the kids stuff was gone and he lost it. Started yelling and throwing things. The house is now trashed with a few holes in the walls for decoration. When he didn’t find us there he went to my dads. While I did spend most of the day he was at work packing and moving things into my dads house, we were already at his cabin. Tyler took a baseball bat to my dads door trying, and failing, to break it down. My dads neighbor actually called the cops on him and he was arrested. His parents refuse to bail him out. I had an appointment with my therapist today, I’ve had one for a year now since I was struggling with my dad, and it felt good to just cry it out and let everything out about how I was feeling. It was very helpful and she gave me a few tools to work through my emotions with this one. I felt very grounded and empowered leaving my session today. I’m also planning on setting up my children with a therapist when we get back from the cabin to figure out the best way to deal with telling them. I know people said I shouldn’t, but I will be telling them, just in an age appropriate way. I don’t want there to be secrets and lies between us. I’ve always been as open and honest as I can with them, again in the most kid appropriate way. Just because they’re small humans, they’re still humans and still deserve the truth. I had a handful of comments telling me I should stay and every man cheats. I should work things out because most of our marriage was good. I refuse to believe all men cheat. My parents were married for 20 years and after my mom passed my dad never moved on. I watched my dad love my mom for 12 of those years and cherish her. I will not accept anything less than that kind of love. He never cheated nor did she. While I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to move on, falling in love is the absolute last thing on my mind at the moment, I refuse to let Tyler win and destroy love for me completely. I will move on from this. Jess started blowing up my phone demanding I fix this situation and immediately blaming me. My lawyer told me to not block texts just in case they spill out an additional info I was missing. She was playing the poor me card very hard. The thing is though, I never influenced Angie and Bob to cut contact with their daughter, they made that choice on their own. She actually started blaming me for stealing the love of her life, I introduced them when Tyler and I started dating so not sure where that came from, and that Tyler is only with me for the kids. Honestly, I knew she was just trying to hurt me at that point. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of responding though. Between her and Tyler I have about 200 missed calls. Tyler went from begging and pleading me to forgive him (like I said I didn’t have divorce papers to hand him so he’s stuck in this unknown gray area. I also asked Angie and Ruth to not say anything about the divorce to him yet. Purely just for my satisfaction honestly. I know it’s slightly petty but keeping him in that gray area of not knowing is my small revenge to him) to threatening to call the cops on me for kidnapping, telling me Jess wasn’t the only one (bingo, just what I was looking for), to telling me I’m a “stuck up bitch” to threatening me, to back to begging me for forgiveness. Honestly it was just a whiplash reading those texts. I’d be lying in saying if those texts didn’t hurt me and terrify me all at once, but I refuse to let them break me. As for both of them together, I don’t think he is going to stay with her. I think he blames her for blowing up our marriage honestly. Who knows though, they deserve each other. I was initially okay to do a 50/50 split with Tyler for custody, but after his reaction I don’t feel comfortable with that, so I’ll likely be going for full custody. Jake has about 30 days of leave he’s saved up and he’s going to be using them to help the kids and I get settled at my dads house and honestly to be there in case Tyler tries showing up going crazy again. He’s been such a big help to the kids and I lately and I’m forever in his debt for this. Last night after the kids went to bed he hooked up his Xbox and we played a game called Diablo 4 together to help me take my mind off of things. It was fun. However, he did sort of confess that he’s always had feelings for me somewhere in the midst of things, but also told me to not say or do anything back. He understands a relationship or anything like that isn’t on my mind and won’t be for awhile (he isn’t wrong), but just that he’s felt that way since we were teenagers and just wanted to get it off his chest. Thank you again. Seriously, your comments, your support, your messages, all of it has been one giant breath of fresh air. Just knowing I have a whole online community willing to go to bat for me has kept me treading water these last couple days. Your comments have popped in my head when I felt like just giving up on leaving him because it’s so hard and gave me so many great points and helpful advice. I know I deserve more and I can’t accept his actions. And to the people who commented relating to my situation, my heart goes out to you all. This pain is awful and I hate that so many of you can relate, but your stories have resonated deep within me. You all keep commending me for my strength and my personal favorite is telling me how proud of me you are. Every time I see those words I start to tear up (I’m blaming the pregnancy hormones), but your words have helped put me at ease so that way I could do what I knew I needed to do. So I’ll leave this here for now. If anything of importance happens when I go back home I’ll update further. Thank you all, and I hope you have a wonderful evening. &#x200B; ***Questions in the comments*** *from hobbitbones* >I'm sure many of us would like to know, have you told your lawyer that you want to go for full custody? And have you saved those messages your stbx said with threats toward you and your children? I'm sure you have since you saved screenshots of messages the first time, you've handled this really well. You've done all the right things to gather evidence and protect yourself, I'm proud of you! And I really wish the best for you and your children. <3 *from OOP* >I forwarded everything to her as well as telling her he was arrested and she responded with “full custody?” And I agreed. > >Thank you, truly so much ❤️ *A certain redditor who deleted his comment after an overwhelming number of downvotes faulted OP for taking her kids' father away from them. To this OOP replied:* >I’m not taking away their father. I will not keep them from him at all. But yes, I will most likely go for full custody. Not out of bitterness or spite because I could simply never be that person. There is zero excuse for punching holes in walls, and trying to break down my dads door, threatening to unalive me, unalive our children. If he wants to see them I will allow supervised visits. Maybe in the future if he gets therapy and help for those thoughts and actions I’ll allow it. For now my mind is made up. > > > >You may see it as running away, but I see it as taking space to comprehend what has happened to my life and allow myself breathing room. My entire future I had carved out for myself and my children has exploded right in front of my face. That deserves breathing room. And yes, I allowed others to confront what they did to me, simply because I don’t have the mental capacity. My focus is on my kids and my dad, everything else is background noise. Honestly even if I did confront them myself, my in laws and ex friends parents would’ve had their own confrontation regardless. > >I am fully aware I will have to face the music one day, however today is not that day and I plan on enjoying that for the time being. *People doubted if OOP's story was true as the break between updates was quite short, with comments like:* >All this in one day and a half? *To which OOP replied:* >My doctors appointment took an hour at max, most OBs do same day appointments for urgent reasons. I just moved clothing and some toys and any of my important things to my dads which is 15 minutes away from my home with help from quite a few people. To be honest it wasn’t even a lot of stuff to move anyways. It all fit in the bed of my FILs pick up. I was lucky that a lawyer had a same day opening spot and gathered documents that are all stored in one spot because I keep them organized. I already have weekly virtual therapy sessions which just so happened to be today which was an hour. > > > >All I did was give my in laws and ex bffs parents the screenshots and saw them for about two hours before I headed home. Which I usually spend time with my dad in the evenings so he was fully aware of where I was, but I asked him to stay home and start on dinner instead of coming. And drive to a cabin. I found out yesterday around 6-7am. Do people not understand how little actually happened? Someone who knew OOP (Technical\_Pumpkin\_65) found the post and could not resist making a comment *Technical\_Pumpkin\_65* >Are you serious Jade ? Coming here and playing the victim you disgusting fake human being! Not only that but you expose yourself by telling the real names, now everyone will know it’s you in your entourage. > > > >You are so jealous and have a Huge obsession with Kirstyn that you ruined your own life after all the mess you created. It’s obvious Toby never loved you but just wanted to use you for his pleaser. There is nothing more easier to manipulated than a jealous freak who have a obsession with him. If he really wanted to run away with you he would have done it a long time ago but he lied to your face with the one big excuses ever, i stay for the kids. Hahaha you are the clown wh\*\*\* here not victim, that’s why even your own parents cut you out from their lives too. > > > >You are such a shame as a woman but also as human being ,you pretend to be friend and betrayed not only her but your family and your own husband ! Can’t wait to hear what will happen to you when more people will know around you, you will finally receive the treatment you deserve specially after wishing her to lose her baby. Karma will do his job now! *OOP clapped back:* >you told me to break up with him when I was 19 and you were engaged to another man. You never said why. You never said anything about him, because if you did I never would’ve been married and you would’ve been cut out sooner. > >Also, no > >I put fake names in the post to protect your identities, but if you want to blast yourself to the public, that’s your choice not mine. &#x200B; [UPDATE 3](https://www.reddit.com/u/Present-Hope4502/comments/142uhj6/comment/jnuflyq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- June 12, 2023 Hi everyone. I know a lot of people are still asking for an update. Not much has happened but here are the things that have happened. • Tyler discovered the post and asked me if I was seeking a divorce. I said I was. He apologized for losing his cool. Asked if there was any hope for reconciliation, I said no. We did have a conversation about the kids, and he’ll be allowed to see them with supervision to which he agreed to. • I had another meeting with my lawyer, nothing of major importance happened. • Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing has happened with Jake. He didn’t take back his confession but as I said it’s on the back-burner for a long while. My kids health and well-being take priority over all else. • my dads health is on a steady decline. He’s now in the hospital with no release date in the immediate future. Please send over thoughts and well wishes his way. • my kids are adjusting well. We have a therapy appointment for them scheduled next week to help them. My oldest has more questions then the rest but I’m trying to save any big conversations for the therapy appointment so I know I’m conveying the answers in a meaningful and the least harmful way. Also my oldest made try outs for the traveling soccer league, yay! :) oh and the baby is doing great! Things have calmed down a lot. Truly. I feel like I have a better grip on things. I’ve been putting most of my focus on my dad and kids to keep myself busy. Thanks you friends for the love, support, and for checking in ❤️ &#x200B; &#x200B; There's probably no future update but I tagged it as ongoing anyways as it has not been long since the last update, can never be sure. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husband is cheating on me with my best friend

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14onpf8/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/

14or8d6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Victoria-c98 **AITA for ruining a birthday party by exposing a homophobic cheater?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Homophobia!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14crtl8/aita_for_ruining_a_birthday_party_by_exposing_a/) **June 18, 2023** Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here. Please bear with me lol Yesterday mom took us to a friend's birthday party, she wanted to introduce us to her friends for the first time since my brother and I moved to Europe less than a month ago and started living with her. In the party I met a gay couple (let's call them Rob & Nick), they are wonderful and I ended up spending time with them. I walked away a bit to go to the barbecue line to make myself a plate. While I was waiting for the meat I overheard two men talking about hooking up with a girl in the car, I ignored it because I didn't knew who they are and also that's none of my business. A little while later one of that men sat across the table from me and Rob & Nick. Rob wrapped his arm around his husband and kissed his cheek, you know like normal couples do… then the guy protested loudly saying "are you seriously doing this? There are kids around!" It caught us by surprise and the couple didn't know how to react so I said "you didn't seem to care if there was kids around when you were talking about f*king a girl in the car" What I didn't know was that the guy's wife was sitting besides him... and well, you can guess what happened afterwards. He started to yell at me, calling me a liar then my mom and brother came over to protect me, Rob & Nick entered the fight... and his wife was lashing out at him, screaming at the top of her lungs, was even throwing stuff at him... it was a HUGE fight. The birthday girl got overwhelmed and ended the party earlier. I immediately apologized to the birthday girl, she said she understands but I should stay out of it especially since I didn’t know them very well, Nick and Rob can defend themselves. Some people are bombarding my mother’s phone saying things like I should've ignore and step away with Rob and Nick from the guy cause he was drunk and didn't know wtf he was talking about, others say I should apologize to everyone at the party for ruining the day, others support me and said I did the right thing. I feel awful for my mom and the birthday girl. It was definitely not a good first impression. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** i_need_vodka_now >Just out of curiousity, was anyone mad at the wife who escalated things much further than a simple statement? If your age was listed, I missed it. But everyone else in this scenario was an adult and the responsibility to behave like one was on them. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. But if we are gonna throw blame for causing a scene, it doesn’t go to the only kid in the bunch here. OOP replied >Hi! I’m 21 years old. I have no idea about the couple age but they look about mid-30s. The only reaction people had was to break the fight. They took the man away and tried to calm the wife down, everybody was very nice and understanding of her actually. Other than the husband who literally screamed at my face, no one said anything negative to me. Although I heard someone call a snitch. * ZeroZipZilchNadaNone >Did you yell it or did you say it in a normal voice? If you yelled, you should’ve probably kept it quieter. Even though you were right, it didn’t have to become a big thing. >If the guy or the wife started the yelling and all that, then none of this is on you. You simply stated the obvious. If they can’t handle the heat, they need to stay out of the kitchen…and the backseat… OOP replied >I said it casually then he started screaming at me, I think by his reaction his wife knew that it was true and well she screamed even louder. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14epswa/update_aita_for_ruining_a_birthday_party_by/) **June 20, 2023** UPDATE: Hello again, guys! I wasn’t expecting this to get so much attention so I thought I answer a few questions and give y’all an little update. First let me answer some questions. • The married straight couple were not friends with my mother or Nick and Rob, they don't know each other they only have the birthday person as mutual friend. • I didn’t said anything loudly, it was like casual. The man’s reaction was what caught everybody attention! • Rob’s immediate reaction was shock & Nick busted out laughing, he called the guy a “disgusting hypocrite”. They walked my family back to the car, I started to apologize but they stopped me and thanked me for having their back. I was invited to go clubbing with them! Now onto the update: I sat down for a conversation with my mother. I said that if she wanted I would apologize to all people present at the party but she refused, she knows that it wasn’t what I wanted and told me that she raised a young woman to stand up in the face of injustice and prejudice. But I had to do something about a few people because I unintentionally did planted the chaos seed. Then we called the bday girl (I’ll call her Carol), I started to apologize again and told her more clearly what had happened. I offered to take her out, buy dinner and stuff but she refused. Carol said that she understood why I did it and is glad that I defended her friends, she also knows that it got out of control because most people were drinking for a while. She asked me to talk with the wife and tell her everything so I did. The wife was a little more upset and very rude but I kept my patience. She said I didn’t had the right to expose her marriage problem in a table full of people. I stated that this was never my intention, I had no idea they’re married, she didn’t even looked at our direction so I didn’t bother to introduce myself at the table. But I felt the need to apologize to her once again, I told her everything I’ve heard and described the guy her husband was talking with… turns out they’re brothers! And also I insisted she should have a conversation with Nick & Rob, if I hadn’t said anything she would’ve allowed her husband disgusting behavior. It was a long call and she led me to believe that this was the last straw on their marriage, I won’t say anything else because like I’ve said enough lol At the end, I think she realized that I didn’t had bad intentions but we won’t be friends. Lastly, my mom took some action. She wrote a lengthy text to her friend’s group, to sum it up: she was disappointed on how people were quick to call me out but didn’t seem to care that their friends were victim of homophobia. I wasn’t the one screaming and fighting, the party could continued but it became a big mess because how drunk the men were, they tried to help but ended up making it worse. She stated that her daughter (me) already apologized and reached out to those who got truly affected by the situation, they all should do the same. Some people ended up leaving the chat! A woman said my mother was “enabling my behavior”, one of them wants me to stay away from all their social gatherings cause I’m a “troublemaker”, a few others are still weighing in… I think this will drag out a little longer which sucks. Less than a month in a new country and I already messed up. Not gonna lie I feel bad, yes I did stood up to defend a lovely couple but it doesn’t feel good to know all the trouble that it followed. Anyway, I think that’s it! I’ll try to stay away from all of it. Thank you for reading and all the advices! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for ruining a birthday party by exposing a homophobic cheater?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14or8d6/aita_for_ruining_a_birthday_party_by_exposing_a/

14org0x

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/R0cc0sM0dernGripe in r/askgaybros** mood spoilers: >!Like...fine? It works out fine.!< --- &nbsp; [**My partner of 6 months is giving me an ultimatum I dont think is fair.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/13h1qkv/my_partner_of_6_months_is_giving_me_an_ultimatum/) - May 14, 2023 I [34M]began dating "Rilery" [38M] about 6 months ago. Date was good, we enjoy spending time together. He has never communicated any indication that he was unhappy with our sex lives until recently. He has been apprehensive about oral sex (giving). I give more than he does however it became real apparent recently as he gave really mixed signals and then stopped. I stopped out play and was genuinely worried. He admitted that he does not like to give me, head. Its not that he doesn't like to give head but that he doesn't like to give me head specifically because I'm not circumcised. I was taken by surprised by his comment. He further explained that he doesn't think this relationship will last unless I get a circumcision like him. I asked him what it was about my foreskin that made him not like it. Like, I could understand if it was because I dont wash, or smell but I keep my dick fresh, clean and sanitary. He didnt mention any of that. He said he just didnt like the way it looked and didnt like that he had to pull back the skin to keep it from enveloping my head. Ive never had a problem with someone not into my penis. I laughed a bit because it seemed like a ridiculous ask and he got upset for not taking his feelings into account and he stormed off. He called me and said he had talked it over with his friends and either I get a circumcision or its over. I mean I know my answer, I'm going to be single, but am I wrong on this? Is there something I dont know? Is this a normal request? Im just lost. &nbsp; **UPDATE (Edited into the same post)** &nbsp; I called him over late last night under the guise of "help me find someone who could get the circumcision done." He RUSHED OVER. I sat down with him and he immediately began talking about a local guy who could get it done through health insurance. Apparently he has been in this situation before where he demanded his ex's get circumcisions and "they went through it." I had to shut him up by yelling at him because he wouldnt stop ranting about it. I told him quick and simple that we are over, grab your "trash bags of shit and get out." I let him know what he was asking of me was abusive and childish and he he could go find someone to cosmetically mutilate. He then began to gaslight about how mean I was being to an honest request. He was being honest with me about how horrible it looks. He kept going. I got up, grabbed his trash bag and threw it out the door. Picked up the phone and started calling 911 because by that point he just didnt want to understand any simple requests I was making so lets see if a cop could make him understand any better. He said I was taking things too far. The operator on the phone heard the yelling and my god within minutes I had the complex lit with blues and reds. The whole PD department had to find out about the foreskin breakup. He didnt do anything physical to me so he was not arrested. The on-call security guard was present and on behalf of the apartment complex asked for Rilery to be trespassed. Waking up tired, single and not fucked with. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's boyfriend has a problem with his OOPenis

CONCLUDED

CanYouGuessWhoIAm

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14org0x/oops_boyfriend_has_a_problem_with_his_oopenis/

14osiaq

**I AM NOT THE OP. My personal cheese problems are entirely emotional, not logistical. The OP is Wordshore on MetaFilter.** **This is a repost of my post from several years ago. The original is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rls280/friend_acquires_a_lot_of_cheese_what_to_do_with_it/) Trigger warnings: >!none!< Mood spoilers: >!Hysterical!< Featuring: Implied ax-related threats, mention of 45th US president in donkey form, cheese allergies, cat hair [**Original post: Friend acquires a lot of cheese. What to do with it?**](https://ask.metafilter.com/298925/Friend-acquires-a-lot-of-cheese-What-to-do-with-it) **August 4, 2016 4:32 PM** For complicated / irrelevant reasons a friend has suddenly acquired 18 pounds of Red Leicester cheese. It is good quality. However (again, complicated reasons) the cheese must be moved, used or transformed into something else within the next 72 hours or so. My friend lives mostly on his own, so can't have a cheese party, and does not want the neighbors finding out about this cheese anyway so cannot invite them. He can't eat it all in this time for health reasons (18 pounds). There are no food banks nearby he can donate to, and moving the cheese is problematic anyway (though not impossible). He can cook, though not to a great extent. It would be a shame for this cheese to just be disposed of; what else could he do with it? Are there recipes that can use up 18 pounds of cheese and transform it into (preferably) foodstuff that are not cheese-centric? *\[Aside from clamoring for more information, the comments suggest donating the cheese, requesting to have the cheese donated, freezing it, dumping it outside of someone’s door, portioning it up and taking 6lbs with them every time they leave the apartment, abusing flat rate mailing envelopes, fancy cheese sculptures, arranging for it to be found on the Appalachian Trail, and more. Check out the thread for many excellent cooking suggestions.\]* &#x200B; **UPDATE** **August 6, 2016 3:04 AM** I've sent the mods a much longer explanation, as a confirmation that this isn't some made-up hokey but is real. I have seen 18 pounds of quality Red Leicester cheese and I've even run my finger all along one edge of it and believe me, it is real. Oh, yes. I have seen the promised land, Mefites. One other point - it really is a friend, and is not me talking in the third person or some odd writing thing like that. Will do a full explanation at some point on here later in the month, unless there's any legal or ethical impediment. Currently I don't know how this (frankly ridiculous and avoidable) situation will play itself out, especially as there are several people involved who are perhaps not the most pleasant, or the most sensible, of people. (probably including me for getting involved in this) *\[More suggestions in the comments, including staging a fake plumbing accident and disguising the cheese as turmeric or Tang.\]* &#x200B; **UPDATE** **August 11, 2016 2:50 PM** I'm assuming by now either the cheese dilemma has been solved, or something dramatic and terrible has happened. The actual cheese part has been solved. The human/people, and legal, parts not totally sorted yet. Also; to the MeFite who just twitter DM'd me with a link to [this post](https://www.metafilter.com/161565/You-Wont-Believe-What-Aliens-Have-Done-In-The-Outer-Solar-System) and the question "Is this the cheese?" the answer is "No". &#x200B; **UPDATE** **August 13, 2016 8:35 AM** Okay. Going back to before the AskMeFi question: the dialog between myself (Me) and my friend (Fred - not his real name) when I visited, pretty much word for word as I can remember it. I wrote this down soon afterwards to cover myself if things went badly wrong and I had to speak to the police, and also to send to the other police (the MetaFilter mods) as an explanation. So, if you want movie dialog, but actual dialog (as in a documentary or recreation) here goes ... \+ + + + + Contains copious profanity We are sitting in his kitchen (this is important). Fred: Hey, great news! You remember that problem with the shared bill that Neighbor A (hereafter: Andy - not his real name) refused to pay despite being told he had to? It’s sorted! Me: That’s good. I’m surprised he paid up as he’s always angry and righteous about everything and never believes he is or can be in the wrong. Did he pay the full amount, or did you agree on a figure? Fred: Uh ... it’s not like that. Me: ?? Fred: Payment was in cheese. A lot of cheese! Come take a look (walks off). Me: {follows friend into his room} That ... is a lot of cheese. Good God. {confused about everything} Why is it all stacked up in your wardrobe in your bedroom? It’s warm there - surely you need to put it in the fridge or freezer? Fred: Uh ... yeah. Problem or two. Me: {remembering past incidents} What’s happened now? Why did Andy pay you with a large quantity of cheese? Fred: He didn’t quite pay me. You remember he’s away for a few days because \[reason not put here because of legal stuff\]. Me: {Dawning dread} Yes. Go on. Fred: I kinda had a drink or five at the pub and thought right I’m going to sort this now so I went round and he’d left his door unlocked so I went in and thought right I’m going to finish this because it’s the principle of the matter so I had a look around and found all this cheese and I took it and now we are even and the matter is closed. Me: Let me get this right. You effectively burgled your neighbor, the one who is permanently angry and is obsessed with collecting axes and was thrown out of the re-enactment society because he took it too literally and chopped down a teepee during a re-enactment and everyone else around here crosses the street to avoid him and when he was running for a bus that one time several locals panicked and dialed the police? Fred: Yes, but it’s the principle of ... Me: Stop saying that. Have you ever heard the phrase “This will not end well.”? Look, just put it back exactly how you found it and never mention this to anyone. Fred: Can’t. The door locked behind me. Me: FFS. Also, why in God’s name has Andy got so much cheese? Or rather, had so much cheese BECAUSE YOU STOLE IT. Fred: I have no idea. Perhaps he \[reason not put here because of legal stuff\]? Me: Plausible. So it’s less likely he’ll go to the police. Actually because of \[reason not put here because of legal stuff\] there’s no way he’ll go to the police to report your crime anyway. Fred: What should I do? Me: First thing is to put it in the fridge, obviously. Fred: Can’t. Neighbor B (hereafter: Bob - not his real name) is in and looking at things through his binoculars. \+ + + + Interlude + + + + + The accommodation set-up is a little strange. The kitchen of Fred has various windows in walls and the ceiling, some of which can’t be curtained for practical reasons and as a condition of tenancy. Also, covering all of the windows will draw the attention of some people... Which is where Bob, one of the neighbors, comes in. Bob spends nearly all his home time watching other people through his binoculars. Bob is also the gossip in that part of the village, happily telling anyone who will listen what he has seen everyone else do, through his binoculars. If you have lived in a rural English village for any period of time, there’s a high chance you’ve encountered a person such as Bob. They often join or form a Neighborhood Watch group with the wrong intentions. The accommodation of Fred sits below that, in elevation, of neighbors Andy and Bob. They can both easily see into the kitchen of Fred through various windows. Bob has, on several occasions, told Fred variations of “I saw you put a really nice looking leg of lamb in your fridge. Was it good?” \[real example\] The Joining-The-Dots Paragraph: Even if Andy doesn’t see it first, then should Bob see Fred either put, or remove, a large quantity of Red Leicester cheese (which is distinctive because of its color) in or out of the fridge, there is a high probability he will happily inform everyone he meets. Including Andy, the axe-collecting angry previous possessor of said cheese. \+ + + + + Me: Oh hell, him with the binoculars. {thinks} Oh double hell; did Bob see you go into Andy’s place, or move the cheese? Fred: No, he was still in the pub when I left. Me: Okay, that’s something and means you aren’t 100 percent certain to get an axe in your head when he blabs to Andy. Fred: But he owed me the money and it’s the principle of the mat.... Me: STOP SAYING THAT. IT IS A PHRASE PEOPLE USE TO JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS WHEN THEY HAVE LOST PERSPECTIVE. LIKE YOU. HERE. NOW. THIS. {waves arms in direction of cheese} THIS CHEESE. Fred: I don’t know what to do. Me: Neither do I. Could you just move, now, like I’ve advised you to many times, because of your neighbors? Fred: Maybe. Perhaps I should just give Andy the cheese back? Me: He will possibly kill you. As in, literally, kill you. With axes. Multiple. Fred: True. Even though I took it because of the princi... Me: GLARES WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS Fred: Okay, okay. Sorry. What do I do though? Me: This is an ongoing evolving situation. Split it into what needs to be done in the next hour, day, week, month, then year. Prioritise accordingly. Avoid escalating the situation into a path which is unsafe or limits your options. Fred: Where did you learn that? Me: Library school, where they teach people the skills that are needed to stop civilisation collapsing. Fred: Oh God stop with the library evangelising. What’s the priority for the next hour, or day, then? {jokey} Hey, perhaps you could feed the cheese to that noisy owl you were complaining kept you awake? Me: {annoyed, stressed, not finding anything funny any more} Or maybe I should just tell Andy where the cheese is and watch the spectacle of him smash down your front door with his axes? Fred: {frightened} Sorry. Me: You need to put the cheese in the coolest part of the room and rig up your fan to circulate colder air around it. Fred: Okay. Then what? Me: Unsure. But other immediate priorities involve stopping getting drunk and making situations worse... Fred: But he... Me: SERIOUSLY SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP. Also, do not interact with either Andy or Bob unless you have to. And find alternative accommodation, as advised before, NOW, because it’s just one incident after another and life is too short for this shit. Fred: But what about the cheese? Me: Don’t know. Will think. Can’t you just throw it away? Fred: I think Bob goes through my bins at night. Me: Plausible. {thinks} Extremely plausible. And you can’t take it away as Bob will see it and tell everyone that you were taking something large out of your apartment and he is wondering what it is, and Andy will guess. Ah! Unless you do it at night. Fred: There’s a problem. I’ve thought of that but Bob was saying in the pub he was going to install webcams, so guess he’s into 24/7 watching now. Me: FFS. You really need to move. Now. I need to think. {silence} Fred: {thinks a while} What Would Jesus Do? Me: {eyes roll so far upwards they hurt} {distantly remembers someone riffing on this phrase with What Would Jessamyn Do?} {remembers AskMeFi} Ah. I think I know a place which may have a solution. Fred: Really? Me: Yes. Might take a day or two. I’ll be back then. Fred: Okay. Take some cheese with y... Me: {utters obscenities} Fred: Okay okay. Sorry sorry sorry okay maybe not. \+ + + + Hence, this question on AskMeFi. My logic being “If I remove all the extraneous detail and stick to the core facts and keep it dull, then there will be no hint that something a bit dodgy has happened, and this question will be one of those minor interest ones that picks up 5 or so replies, 1 of which is usually a good one.” That ... was a bit of a miscalculation ... as I realized, watched the answers roll in, various tweets point to the AskMeFi, a MetaTalk begin, and get an email from a journalist on a national newspaper sniffing around for a story. **+ + + + FAQ** (thanks to MeFite phunniemee for help in making this coherent) 1. People are still going to wonder what "lives mostly alone" means. Because of the large amount of cat hair in the apartment due to one of Fred’s hobbies, he has a cleaner come in once a week. There’s a (probably small) danger that news of the cheese acquisition may leak out through this route. 2. Why you are friends with this person, who is an idiot? He is okay and decent when he is sober. But, if I’m going to unfriend everyone who has said or done something regretful when under the influence of alcohol or something else (and I’m guilty of this myself), I’m not going to have many friends left :) 3. If Bob is binocularring to an extent that the cheese can't be moved to the fridge without spotting, then surely cooking something using 18lbs of anything would likewise draw attention, yes? Or does your friend not do this cooking near the place where the fridge is at? Yes, the cooker and oven are in a part of the kitchen which cannot be observed from outside. Hence the line of thought about possibly cooking up all the cheese into disguised food, or something. However, on reflect, the cheese still has to be moved to that part of the kitchen, and there’s just too high a risk of it still being visible, or Bob speculating to everyone about the large amount of cooking that Fred is undertaking. 4. Mefi generally prefers to see names instead of letters because it's easier to follow, so just make stuff up, like Fred and Andy and Bob instead of F and A and B. Done; to stress, these are not real names. 5. People, present company included, are going to want to know what kind of shady left out for legal reasons dealings someone might be into that would lead to acquiring 18lbs of cheese in the first place. Like was it a deal on an axe trade gone bad? Or, bet you can't chop 18lbs of cheese with an axe competition, winner take all? I don’t know for sure, and the best I can do is informed speculation i.e. a guess based on previous incidents, gossip, and things read in the local newspaper. My guess is something the mods would have a problem in me putting on here so I can’t, and it may also cause other problems in the real world. I'd rather move on from all this. 6. What is the current status of the cheese? The cheese was moved (removed via the window of Fred's room at night) and given to a soup kitchen - a suggestion (by Iris Gambol) off AskMeFi, so thank you - who used it gladly. They do evening outdoor soup handouts for the homeless. It turns out that soup kitchens really like donations of cheese as it’s a prime source of protein, fat and calories which is very good for homeless people (especially those with alcohol problems), it can be easily added to many soups, it bulks out soup that is too thin or weak, and also uncooked cheese can be given away with bread. I learnt something new there and bought a load of additional cheese to add to it at the same time so they had a great big cauldron of cheesey soup. Grating a small mountain of cheese as a social group exercise turned out to be fun too. Giving it to a soup kitchen also has the advantage that if there is or was any come-back, it can be pointed out that the cheese ended up in a good cause and was not used for personal gain or profit. It's also worth it just to see so much cheese melt. 7. What happened to Fred? He found alternative accommodation and moved out quickly. I’ve waited until he is fully moved out before posting this answer. 8. Did Andy find out what happened? No idea - I don’t think he did at the time due to the lack of axes embedded in Fred's apartment, or Fred himself. I’m not going back there to ask him! 9. Why was the suggestion of putting the cheese on his doorstep and running away highlighted as the first good answer? I thought for a while that actually could be a good idea. Andy is going to discover the cheese is missing at some point anyway, but him finding it may calm him a bit, and/or confuse him enough so he won’t get super-angry. It may just look like a burglary gone wrong. 10. Do you know where the cheese originally came from? Not for sure. It was wrapped and labelled (professionally) but with no identifying ownership or source on it. 11. Sorry, in the answer to question one, what is Fred’s hobby that generates so much cat hair? I gave him a book on crafting with cat hair as a joke present. He took it seriously and brushed random cats in his neighborhood to collect hair for a project. He was talking about making a miniature donkey using just cat hair; I think he has a long way to go though, in terms of collecting viable cat hair. 12. What is it like to be in the presence of 18 pounds of cheese? You know the scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent Vega opens the briefcase and looks inside... \+ + + + + FIN &#x200B; **UPDATE** **August 18, 2016 7:25 AM** Wrapping this up/resolving it, with a follow-up FAQ. So much cheese, so many questions... 13. I assume "put cheese on doorstep, run away" plan was discarded because there was no way to be certain that none of Andy, Bob, or Bob's cameras would see it and then axe time? Yes, exactly. Though putting it there before Andy returned was an attractive option, part of the dissuasion was the high risk of Bob seeing it being moved there. 14. Why not do X/Y/Z to the fridge? Because even if the cheese could be put into the fridge, disguised and/or unseen, Bob could ... no, \*would\* still see when the door opens and makes a point of observing what is in the fridge and what is taken out. The leg of lamb comment quoted was, by far, not the only such comment. 15a. Does stuff like this really go on a lot? 15b. I have lived in a rural place too and this kind of thing happened all the time. For example \[anecdote\]. Seems if you live in many rural places it just becomes background, the norm, after a while. For example, I lived in the Hebrides (just off the west coast of Scotland) for half a decade and could have filled books with anecdotes in that time. It's the place where [a bear in a TV commercial was lost for several weeks](http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/september/13/newsid_2516000/2516041.stm) and more recently (you may enjoy this read) police went about [arresting a wrestler in a tiny caravan the wrong way](http://www.hebrides-news.com/cs-spray-incident-4216.html). And what makes the news is the proverbial tip of the iceberg. I dunno, living in rural Britain often seems like being in a never-ending episode of The Archers or Father Ted. Am thinking this could form a new AskMe or MetaTalk thread (unsure which is more appropriate) at some point. 16. Library Schools teach that? Seriously? There's multiple things here. First, when a researcher in library school (this is going back a bit) I sat in on a Logistics, Management and Planning module. Basically "how to run a library" and it was an eye-opener as to the many, many, things library managers and directors have to (simultaneously) do and the skills they need - especially prioritization and budgeting. Providing an array of accessible and relevant information services to the public is complex. Second, even non-management librarians often need and/or acquire a myriad of skills and experiences, [some of which may surprise](https://laurensmith.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/what-do-public-librarians-and-library-staff-do/). Third, skilled librarians can find the information you need, and also - this is important - **the information you don't know you need.** Should the apocalypse happen, I definitely want skilled librarians on my team/in my compound. As complex inter-related infrastructure we take for granted or don't even know about falls apart, and we don't know how to deal with the resulting problems, they will be as essential as doctors, farmers, hydrologists and snipers. I could write a whole essay here, but that's beyond the point of an AskMe answer. Anyway, Jessamyn is far better at explaining the essentialness of libraries and librarians so you're better off [reading her writing on libraries](http://www.jessamyn.com/) instead of mine. 17. Can we have updates on everyone involved, please? Bob's last comment/conversation to Fred, when Fred moved out, was "I heard you flush the toilet a lot last night. Are your bowels loose?" I'm out of touch since then, but I have heard indirectly that there has been an incident where Andy attacked Bob's property. However, I don't know the details, and when you hear neighborhood gossip third- or fourth- hand there's always got to be question marks over the accuracy. Fred himself, I haven't heard from as he moved in the opposite direction and he doesn't go online. The last time he spoke he has joined a new church which has a cat, so he's probably happily collecting hair and edging towards his goal of the miniature donkey made of cat hair. Which, so long as it doesn't annoy the cat, is fine; we all have our hobbies and interests. He's promised me a picture of the completed donkey but suspect this will take a long time. Speaking of which; Me: I took a few pictures of the cheese, but knowing how things persist online am not uploading them. I have however got hard copies through one of those crappy photo printing machines in Boots, and have stuck them in my baggage. If/when I turn up at an IRL MeFite meetup I'll bring them with me. \+ + + + + Most importantly, reviewing all this to see if any good can come of it; here's a few resources about soup kitchens and similar. Like food banks, they always need resources such as, well, food. \- [Wikipedia entry.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soup_kitchen) \- UK resources:(maybe best to search locally for who is doing what, or ask your local CAB who will often know) \* (from 2007) Link to [spreadsheet of soup kitchens](http://www.geog.qmul.ac.uk/homeless/homelessplaces/services.html) \* [Soup run resources](http://www.housingjustice.org.uk/pages/soup-runs.html) \- US resources: \* [Homeless shelter directory](http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/) \* [Find Your Local Food Bank](http://www.feedingamerica.org/find-your-local-foodbank/) \* [Find food pantries](http://www.foodpantries.org/) \- Ask MetaFilter: \* 2013: [soup kitchen volunteers! can you lend me your recipes, menus, & advice?](https://ask.metafilter.com/251939/soup-kitchen-volunteers-can-you-lend-me-your-recipes-menus-and-advice) \* 2011: [Helping feed the homeless with just a little bit of time and cash and creativity](https://ask.metafilter.com/199924/Helping-feed-the-homeless-with-just-a-little-bit-of-time-and-cash-and-creativity) \* 2011: [Preparing food for the homeless](https://ask.metafilter.com/175968/Preparing-food-for-the-homeless) &#x200B; **UPDATE** **October 6, 2016 5:36 AM** A minor update (though, a few months on, it's extremely unlikely anyone will ever read this). Fred has completed the miniature donkey made out of the hair of many cats! I have seen it and ... it doesn't, in my opinion, um, look anything like a donkey. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying, after he put so much effort in (and been clawed by several surprised cats), but it looks strangely like that contender for a certain presidential election next month. Fred says I can borrow it when I next travel to the USA so - assuming me and it both get through immigration - I'll bring Donald the Donkey (and the photos of cheese) with me to a MetaFilter meetup. &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://metatalk.metafilter.com/24303/You-know-who-needs-hugs-Underappreciated-comments-from-2016#1263786) **January 7, 2017 10:12 AM** Oh the cheese heist mention reminds me; I can answer one of the remaining questions now due to a recent conversation with a somewhat indiscreet doctor's surgery receptionist. Namely: **Why did "Andy" have eighteen pounds of Red Leicester cheese?** So. Back some time before the cheese AskMe, Andy bought a regular block of cheese from the supermarket. He got home, ate some of it, and was ill afterwards. Andy took the cheese back to the supermarket, confronted the manager, and threatened all manner of things e.g. legal damages. The manager - ex-army type - stood his ground and dared him to try any of the things he threatened. Andy backed off. Andy, with his anger issues, seeked retribution and visited the supermarket over a period of time, stealing blocks of cheese as he went. When he returned to his base, adding to whatever, his "cheese vengeance trophy collection" or whatever his angry mind thought it was. The odd thing was; Andy kept trying to eat some of the cheese but it kept making him ill. After a visit to the doctor it turned out he had milk or cheese allergy or intolerance or something. The cheese was perfectly fine. But he kept stealing it because ... I don't know why. It's the kind of thing angry/vengeful people do? Eventually he was suspected of the continuing anomalies in the stock levels of cheese at the supermarket and banned from the store on sight. Why was he suspected? Because the doctor's receptionist and the store manager are a couple (in small isolated English communities and valleys, everyone eventually mates with everyone else\*) and they had a conversation and joined the dots. And, like Rogue One to A New Hope (but with cheese instead of death star data files), that's the prequel for how we arrived at [the start of the cheese heist rural English village farce](https://ask.metafilter.com/298925/Friend-acquires-a-lot-of-cheese-What-to-do-with-it#4334630). Andy has now moved far away thankfully so my concern about having an axe embedded in my front door has abated. He apparently now spends much of his day, in his place in the north of England, being very angry on Reddit as he is under some kind of curfew. tl;dr - the cheese was originally stolen by someone with an allergy/intolerance to cheese. \* This is an exaggeration, but to a degree that varies greatly from village to village. Everyone has needs. I come from one and we observed that the farm next to ours had not so much a family tree, but a family graph. Several of us in my year at village primary school also bore an uncanny resemblance to the then-retired village milkman, but that's another thing. **Reminder, I am not the OP. Donate to your local food pantry!**

The Great Cheese Heist: or How OOP's Friend Flouts the Law and Ax-Wielding Neighbors in a Small English Village

REPOST

autochthonouschimera

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14osiaq/the_great_cheese_heist_or_how_oops_friend_flouts/

14oskaz

**This post is from** u/throwLfiance **on** r/AITAH**. I am not OP.** Trigger warning: >!Miscarriage, slut shaming!< ​ Mood spoiler: >!Hopeful for OOP!< \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13pjp4q/wibtah_if_i_break_up_with_my_fianc%C3%A9_because_of/) \- 23 May 2023 TW: miscarriage I (25F) met my fiancé, Jamie (34M) a year ago through a friend. We instantly clicked and started dating. After 1 year he proposed to me and I said yes. But here is the thing. Before proposing he told me the truth about his past relationship. He was married to a woman, Cynthia 3 years ago and they divorced because he started cheating on her with a coworker. He regrets ever doing that. He has been on a healing journey from that. He has told me that the affair was a mistake and that he would never do it again. He just wants to be honest with me before we take this relationship to the next level. I understand what he meant. He is obviously remorseful and I have seen his ex-wife. She seems happier with someone else. And everyone makes mistakes or take decisions that they regret. I trust him and love him a lot. But I can't shake off this feeling that he would not do this to me. This started when he was being secretive about his phone. He would smile at the screen often. I asked him what it is, he just showed me his phone and he was looking at a meme. He probably sensed that I was doubting him. So he let me check his phone. There was nothing in there. But still I couldn't trust him. Few days after our engagement he had a work party. He took me to that party as well. I saw that he was being a bit friendly to some woman. I went there and introduced myself. Later I got to know she was the same girl he cheated with. I confronted him about it. He said that he doesn't talk to her. They broke up shortly after their divorce. And he cannot avoid her because he worked with her. I told him I am not comfortable with him hanging out with someone who was his mistress. He respected my decision and as far as I know he has not contacted her outside of work. I know I have no reason to doubt him. He doesn't give off any signs of infidelity yet I have a hard time trusting him. He is loving and caring. He supports me and my dreams. He is patient and kind. I know it is unfair of me to judge him based on just that. Few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me to meet her and she told me the whole truth about Jamie. She knows Cynthia because she and her brother were college friends. She told me to be careful of Jamie because he cheated on his ex-wife. I told her I already know that. She further told me he started cheating on Cynthia right after she had a miscarriage. He was upset that Cynthia was depressed and he started to feel neglected. After talking to my friend I confronted Jamie. He told me this was the truth. He was still in grief because he lost his child. He didn't know what he was thinking. He started to feel resentful towards her but he never meant to hurt her. I asked him that I need a break from all of this. It is just too much for me. He said he understands and I still haven't talked to him. I don't know if I should break up with him just because of this. He does feel guilty about it. But he is really nice and mature. Will I be making a mistake if I break up with him? Edit: I think I should mention that he never said anything about a miscarriage. He just told me they had a tragic accident which made both of them distant. I didn't ask because he said he doesn't want to talk about it. Also I am still not fully sure if he regrets the cheating because he never confessed to cheating to his wife. His wife caught him in the middle of the act inside their house. So, this has been a bother that he got caught and probably feels guilty for that. I don't know. &#x200B; *Some comments:* "Don’t marry people you have known for a year. Especially people who are known cheaters. There is absolutely no reason to rush things if you don’t trust him, slow things way down if you want to try to work things out but also someone being a cheater is absolutely a valid reason to dump them" "Here's the thing, regardless if he ever cheats again or not, you don't trust him. That's enough of a reason to end it. You wouldn't be an ass to end it as his past has given you a reason not to trust him. NTA" *OOP gives more context of her ex's marriage:* "I tried my best to rationalize this. But the more I think about his past relationship, it really sets off a red alarm. Suppose, I forgot to mention he and his wife have been dating longer than we have. They were married for 4 years. I do believe people can change for better. But I still cannot shake off the feeling that he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes. I know even if I break up with him and be with someone else there will be the same doubt. But what if someone is like me? I have never cheated on any relationship I had. It is just this thing that has been bothering me a lot." "I don't think there is a specific age of marriage. My parents got married when they were 20. They only dated for 6 months. They are still together. So, I do think I am old enough to get married" "I am not pregnant, I just have a condition where it will create complications while pregnant. My mom has it. My grandma had it." &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/140gntd/updatewibtah_if_i_break_up_with_my_fianc%C3%A9_because/) \- 04 June 2023 I analyzed all the things you guys said. Some of you all have told me to forgive him because apparently a man's cheating is not a big deal because men can't control themselves. That was hilarious. As if that is going to help me. Anyways, I talked to him. I explained that his past bothers me. I mean he cheated on his wife when she was going through something so traumatic. I brought up the fact that I am also in high risk when it comes to pregnancy. I told him I cannot fully trust him that he will not cheat on me as well. He told me he has learned his lesson from the previous time. When his infidelity got exposed he had people around him calling him a monster. His parents still don't talk to him directly. He feels guilty because of it and regrets it. Then I told him that maybe we should date more rather than rushing into marriage and maybe to go couple's counseling. That's when he got slightly mad. He said that if I don't trust him then there is no point in being together. I tried to fight and say it is not like that. We just need sometime. He has to understand that. He told me again that it was not fair for me to judge him when he never judged me because of my past. I asked what he means by that. He pointed out that he knows how in the past I used to sleep around a lot. Ok, let me be clear to you, yes when I was in college I did have few ons and few serious relationships. I told him he was being illogical because even though I have a sexual history, I never cheated on any of my boyfriends. I always called it quits when I realized it was not meant to be. He kept pressing the matter and says I should let it go because he let go of my past (wtf?). I said my past is in the past. And now I am thinking about my future and he is so pathetic to even compare his immoral cheating with my past. He argued that I was immoral too. It felt like a dead end road. We both shouted and fought and eventually I took the ring off and said goodbye. The last thing he said that his past and baggage aren't as big as mine and that I am a hypocrite for judging him. That I will have a hard time finding a partner who is willing to be with a loose girl like me. It hurts tbh. I never thought he would act like that. I am trying my best to move on by still stuck in a limbo and his words are repeating inside my head. Edit: If you guys think you can make me feel bad for having sex in the past then save it. You won't be the first redpill MGTOW dickhead who has ever said that to me. I just laugh at your face because I am pretty sure you guys get no b!tches. And don't threaten me with "nobody will wife you up". I will never husband someone whose thinking is so backwards in the first place. Dying single isn't as bad as rotting with men like you guys. &#x200B; *Some comments from users:* "YTA why continue to bring up his past if he can't bring up yours which was valid as well" "It is a bit hypocritical to say your past is in the past, but not let his past live in the past, if you're gonna keep reminding him of it, he's not going to be able to move on. You are correct to not rush things and take counselling, you don't want the cheating on your mind all the time. He should be able to understand that. You should be able to let him move on NTA" "He has a point he a cheater and you’re a hoe stay together and do us all a favor" "You are a hypocrite your judging him on his past but you think you get a free pass on yours. Newsflash there's a ton of men who can and will judge you as eternal sloppy seconds for your "college days". Get off your high horse and just admit someone who had cheated is a deal breaker." &#x200B; **Reminder, I am not OP. Don't bridge gate.**

WIBTAH if I break up with my fiancé because of his past as cheater?

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ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14oskaz/wibtah_if_i_break_up_with_my_fiancé_because_of/

14ou3b0

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/relykslady **I'm planning on dressing up tonight for my boyfriends DnD session. Good idea?** **Originally posted to** r/DnD [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/xz994t/im_planning_on_dressing_up_tonight_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Oct 9, 2022** My boyfriend and his friends are all heavily into dnd. They know I have an interest in it as well, but I can't yet play with them until they finish their current campaign. So, I plan on wearing a dress and corset, and acting like I work in a tavern or inn. Answering the door and acting like they are travelers. Serving them drinks while having an accent or something. Does anyone have any recommendations or tips on how I can be more fun, or make this experience a bit more exciting for them ? I'm not trying to distract them from their game, but they play for hoooours and take regular breaks, so I just thought of being silly and provide them some entertainment here and there. Is this even a good idea ? Or am I being weird XD Edit:: I ended up waiting until next campaign to dress up (next Sat night) This way, it gives me more time to prepare and talk to my bf/dm about how I can join in. Thank you, random strangers, for your opinions. Very helpful and insightful. Lol. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** FoulPelican >Sounds like a question for your BF….? OOP replied >I've already got permission to dress up, Just want to surprise him by going over the top * AccordingCoyote8312 >There's a cookbook. Heroes Feast. >Lots of good ideas for tavern meals and stuff in there, if cooking is your thing. >I guess I'm too late for tonight but maybe you can use it for next time? OOP replied >Thank you so much ! I appreciate the idea! I already have a dnd based drink masters guide, for 75 different cocktails. Going to try to incorporate that into their session as well. * **COMMENT FROM OOP** >Thank you all so much, for all your input. I really appreciate it. Just wanted to let you all know that it would be a while before their next dnd session. They don't get to play often, but I have plenty of time to get prepared and talk to my bf/dm about me participating as an npc. I will post an update once o do this. Again, thank you all for your suggestions! [Update - 7 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/13g1ryt/update_on_old_post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 13, 2023** I posted on here maybe about 7 months ago, about my boyfriend being a DM to a campaign with some of his friends, and me potentially joining.. but dressing up.. lol.. Well... here is an update.. Long story short, they were more then welcome to the idea of me joining., but as far as dressing up, it's just too much work to put on the corset, as well as I forgot I was shy AF. So, that bombed.. anyways, I think initially they were skeptical of me joining just in case of the DM and I broking up, they didn't want a main character to just leave, you know ? But I was welcomed. The process was kinda slow, but it was worth it. I first started off sitting in on sessions for a while getting used to them talk, and play. Then outside of the session, the DM/my BF helped me make a character. I purposely chose a class that was not already in the campaign, and I joined at level 14. I've already played maybe 6 sessions and I have had so much fun. I must say, these boys are just so awesome and I'm very grateful they let me join. My first time playing D&D and I'm a lvl 14 Human Ranger. History of the players.. I feel like this might be important? The DM and I have met each other when we were 13, so our relationship is just amazing, I couldn't ask for anything else. And the other 4 members of the group; 2 of them I've been in school with since elementary, and the other 2 since jr high. These aren't strangers, so joining the campaign and being around them wasn't too foreign. I'm just still shy AF. . And now I get to play whenever they do. I joined their group discord server and I'm included with ordering food and all. I am so happy. D&D is so much fun. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I'm planning on dressing up tonight for my boyfriends DnD session. Good idea?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ou3b0/im_planning_on_dressing_up_tonight_for_my/

14p4fql

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ExpertPotato7447 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!Allergies, food-related conflict!< mood spoilers: >!Tension, excitement!<   [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12dqx11/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_that_i_dont_give_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, April 06, 2023 I (24F) have been living with my roommate Layla (25F) for about 10 months. We have a 2 year lease so I really want to fix this so we’re not miserable for the next year and to start I need to see if I’m in the wrong. Layla started dating Kyle about 6 months ago. Kyle has severe food allergies to shellfish, nuts and soy, as well as a lot of more mild/moderate allergies. I use nuts and soy a lot in my cooking and some occasional shrimp. At first, Layla would tell me that Kyle was coming over and I would just adjust whatever I was planning on making if it was something that would be aerosolized (mostly nuts) and this was fine. He’s never had any reactions at our apartment from my food. But it’s slowly escalated and now they want me to not keep any ingredient in the apartment that could cause him anaphylaxis, even if I’m not actively eating or cooking it while he’s over. I’ve refused and they’ve both pushed back a lot on it and I snapped a little and told them I don’t give a fuck about his allergies. I can accommodate him to an extent but I don’t care if the contents of my cabinet make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t need to be near my things at all. They’re being very dramatic and insisting I’m gonna “kill him” with my selfishness by having closed jars of nuts in the kitchen I pay to use. But I’m not going to have my diet restricted by someone who doesn’t even live here. Layla isn’t speaking to me at all right now and I feel a little bad now because I do understand how serious allergies are but I also think they’re overextending boundaries by telling me what I can or can’t eat when he’s not even here  *Most Upvoted Comment:* StAlvis >NTA > >Layla would tell me that Kyle was coming over > >Well, easy solution: he shouldn't. > >Your environment is incompatible with his needs. > >someone who doesn’t even live here > >Beginning and end of this, as far as I'm concerned **Judgement: Not the A-Hole** &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/144ap40/update_aita_for_telling_my_roommate_that_i_dont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, June 08, 2023 I sat down with Layla a few days after my initial post and really talked with her about why I felt her and Kyle's request was unacceptable and I laid out my biggest concerns - \- I eat mostly plants so nuts & soy are like 50% of my protein. So my grocery bill would increase because I’d have to make it up in animal products. Who’s going to pay for that? I’m not vegetarian but I don’t really want to eat like that and I definitely don’t want to pay for it so would they make up that increase? \- I honestly didn’t trust them to stop there. i already did what I felt was a reasonable accommodation and it wasn’t enough so how long til they take coconut, eggs and tomatoes from me too? \- It was weird af to ask me in the first place and I felt really disrespected because this is my home and I don’t take second place to a guest. I can to her, personally, of course but that doesn’t extend to the apartment. I said I would agree to continue not using his serious allergens when he was present or soon to be and that was the line. It didn’t go over well at all and Layla told me I was overreacting and I could just do it and kept talking over me when I tried to say that I wouldn’t. Eventually she slipped up with the “well what if he moved in” and I said absolutely not and ended the conversation with her for the night. We argued in circles about it for nearly 2 weeks and once it was out, she didn’t drop it. I realized it wasn’t going to get better so I did what I didn’t want to do and told her that I was going to the landlord about breaking my part of the lease and she freaked out. Idk where Kyle’s money goes but apparently he doesn’t have any because she was yelling about not being able to afford it on her own and he couldn’t help even if he moved in. I told her that this had gone way too far and I didn’t think I could be happy living here with her anymore; if it were easier for her to leave instead, that would be fine too. She was really upset and I said I wouldn’t force her out or leave her suddenly on the lease alone but it was one or the other. Eventually she accepted it and decided she would move back in with her dad. That was the end of April and she’s fully moved out as of this week. My childhood best friend Allie has been flip flopping on moving to my city for forever now and me calling and saying I had an cheap open bedroom if she came right away got her to finally pull the trigger on it. And it helped Layla out because she didn’t have to pay to break the lease since I agreed to cover the full rent at my own risk. Allie has stuff to tie up in our home state still but she’s already sent me half of July’s rent. I just gotta squeeze for a lil while but I’ll make it. I’m super excited to see her and show her around! Plus we’ve been cooking together since fourth grade so that’ll be a nice change lol. and I can get a cat! It’s been a bit of a rough couple of months but I’m very happy with how things are looking right now so I just wanted to share with you guys. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my roommate that I don’t give a fuck about her boyfriends allergies?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14p4fql/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_that_i_dont_give_a/

14p6hge

**I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by** [**u/withlove\_07**](https://www.reddit.com/user/withlove_07/) **in** r/amiwrong &#x200B; [**Am I wrong for not doing a “normal” baby shower?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/147ujb2/am_i_wrong_for_not_doing_a_normal_baby_shower/) (12 Jun 2023) I’m (25F) am pregnant with twins (IDENTICAL) and this weekend is my baby shower/sex reveal. Since before I was pregnant I always said I wanted both things to happen on the same day because I didn’t want to be gifted gender specific things. I didn’t want people to give me just blue clothes and trucks and building blocks if I had boys or give me only pink clothes and things with tiaras and tutus and dolls if I had girls. Doing both things the same day forces people to buy me gender neutral things and forces them to go through with it . Although if someone brings something gender related and I end up having the opposite, I have no problem letting my kids play with those toys or put them in those outfits. The theme for the party is teddy bears so everything is white, beige, brown and black and we’re doing the confetti thing only that if it’s “girls” the confetti will be white and if it’s “boys” the confetti will be beige to keep with the theme. We mostly care about the pictures, my partner and I aren’t really that crazy about it considering we don’t really need anything baby wise ,to us is just a party and an excuse to have all of our family in one place together considering how rare it is for it to happen. The other thing that’s bothering people is that we’re calling it a sex reveal not a gender reveal and for the fun of it my partner and I decided to do the balloon reveal thing but obviously instead of normal balloons we’re having letter balloons that either will say “XX” or “XY”, everyone close to us thought it was the funniest and most creative thing ever but apparently that’s “too much” to some people. When we started planning this party we just started throwing random ideas just to start planning something and some ideas stuck and others didn’t. obviously this didn’t go well with some older family members and they complained and even said they wouldn’t go, which I don’t care because it’s my party not theirs you know but it’s definitely causing some tension & there’s a little voice in my head that saying ,just separate the two parties and do the whole blue and pink party… For context we had a big Skype meeting with everyone to discuss the timing of the party and finishing up last touches and well drama started lol. What’s a family gathering without drama though, right? Oh & I should add that this party is also to find out which team is winning the bet we have going on. If it’s team “boys” or team “girls” . The bet is because my family hasn’t had a “boy” in over 14 years and he’s the only one and my partners family hasn’t had a “girl” in 23 years, so we want to see whose breaking the family “curse” lol. Edit: just to let everyone know, the party is this Saturday so on Sunday I’ll give an update on who won the bet and how it went through an edit on this post or do I make a new post? Edit: Since some have made the one of each comment so that both side win the bet, I just want to clarify that our twins are identical so one side is going to be able to win not both. Edit: the money that we make from the bet is going to be donated to various organizations that my partner and I support. We’re not keeping it for ourselves. Edit : My partner and I aren’t asking for lots of gifts from our families ,we’re only asking for what we need, nothing more. We already have everything necessary for the babies & we also don’t want a lot of stuff because early next year we’re moving to another country so I don’t need more stuff to pack and carry around. The babies will also be born in October so close to the holidays and I’m sure our parents will go crazy with the gifts just because it’s their first holidays. &#x200B; [**Update to : am I wrong for not doing a “normal” baby shower**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/14co37v/update_to_am_i_wrong_for_not_doing_a_normal_baby/) (18 Jun 2023) Hey guys! Here’s the update I promised y’all. (You can see the original post on my profile, I don’t know how to link it 🤭) The baby shower was yesterday and it was perfect ,my WHOLE family came and we all laughed about the situation and those family members that got annoyed apologized and enjoyed the party and went along with my requests, did I still got blue or pink stuff? YES, but it was gender neutral and contrary to popular belief my children will not be beige children, only the party was. Now to the part that everyone wants lol The confetti that came out was white, the letters XX!!! So my fiancé broke his family’s “curse” and his family won the bet…. for those that got mad at my choice to reveal the sex of our babies, we’re having girls. We’re happy and excited. I’m happy that the baby shower was amazing, the decor, the games (those were just hilarious),the food, that party favors, the love in that room was amazing. We had so much fun last night I'm just happy and full of love and this baby shower was everything I wanted and so much more. The only hiccups we had was that : 1. I’m pregnant as you know 😂 and on Friday I felt a bit weird and I was having heartburn, I felt tiredness and felt a bit of discomfort in my pelvis area and that continued on till Saturday. 2. my belly grew and I didn’t fit into my original dress so we had to scramble and get a new dress for me lol. I feel better know, still kinda tired but we’re having a BBQ and some games for Father’s Day so we’re pushing through and just having a fun day. Thanks for everyone who wanted an update and sent me good vibes and wishes! ❤️ Now , we got to figure out names because we have absolutely no idea what their names are going to be😂. Happy Father’s Day as well! &#x200B; **I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by** [**u/withlove\_07**](https://www.reddit.com/user/withlove_07/) **in** r/amiwrong

Am I wrong for not doing a “normal” baby shower?

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Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14p6hge/am_i_wrong_for_not_doing_a_normal_baby_shower/

14p8izd

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Miss_Val. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13bco4m/aita_told_my_parents_i_cant_take_my_sister_from/)**: May 7, 2023** I 22F have a younger sister, 18F, who's aging out of foster care. I had the luck of being adopted, whereas she did not. She had an arrangement to stay with her foster parent, though to my knowledge the foster parent suddenly changed her mind despite charging her money to stay there right now. She's set to need somewhere to go by August, but my Lease ends in November. I currently have a 25F roommate who isn't comfortable living in our 2 bedroom apartment with someone she's never met. My parents, who have 2 guest bedrooms, keep insisting that I need to entirely disregard my roommates opinion, despite her being on the lease and paying her share of rent every month, that I simply have to tell her my sister IS coming and she has NO say. My roommate and I have already considered other options; sorting out a new apartment and have it ready by August. This isn't feasible because she cant be on two leases, I can't afford this one alone, and my little sister will need several months to become financially stable enough to pay bills like rent. I am physically unable to carry her financial weight. We are willing to get separate leases come November, where I can then take in my sister granted my parents are willing to step in if she doesn't have the money - because again, I am not in a position where I can keep her afloat, but I have been insistent that it can't happen until then. As a result, my parents are calling me selfish and telling me that I'm choosing my friend over my sister, who desperately needs my help. I am frustrated because if they are that upset about it, they can spare a bedroom - afterall they are the one making the demand that I have to take her - that's what makes sense to me. Regardless, AITA? **Edit: May 8, 2023 (Next Day)** A lot of people have asked so I'm just going to put it here for context - the parents in question are my adopted parents. Our biological parents are dead. The only reason we ended up split up in the foster care system was because the state made a mistake only removing me from the home before our bio parents died and by the time they realized this the bio parents had fled the state with my siblings. They died \~ 8 years later, which is when my siblings ended up in foster care. Not to mention - until I found them and made contact, the state they were in didn't even know I existed. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Your current roommate has legal rights, and it would have to go by your landlord anyway. Have you asked?* "She has no credit or income so if we tried to add her they'd deny her pretty fast, but yea, she does have legal rights and she said no so it's just the whole - what tf do we do with her for 2 months" *Can your parents co-sign? Can your roommate get to know your sis?* "Unfortunately getting to know her is kind of hard, she's in an entirely different state but I have tried to introduce them over the phone and what not :') I am considering seeing about government aid for her though to help with the financial stress. The way she pays her current foster home is through government aid but it's a matter of whether the aid that state gives her will transfer to my state. Tricky situation but I am trying my best." *More about adopted parents/OOP's family:* "Ultimately I have a good relationship with her, even if it is over sparse visits and texts/facetime. I am probably closer with her than my parents are, but they have tried to be involved, so it's baffling to me now that they aren't willing to lend a bedroom for a couple months and trying to make me do it when I am unable to.Edit: For context, we were seperated as children - I was the only child placed in foster care and by the time the state realized they fucked up my bio parents had already fled the state with my siblings. They only ended up in foster care later because their parents died.(My message got wonky sorry so im just slapping my og explaination here)(My other sibling has other arrangements as she's aged out for a while and doing well - but also cant take her, and my other hasn't aged out yet. He's severely autistic and none of us have the ability to give him the constant care he needs, so when he ages out that will also be tricky :') )" *Tuition/government aid:* "She was in foster care young enough that all of her tuition will be covered no matter where she goes - but that doesn't cover room and board. I looked into the fine print myself. Plus, summers and winter break she'd need somewhere to go then as well. I definitely wish they would too! I would support her in a heartbeat if I could, I'd already considered moving her down - adopting her even (Which is funny because the day I turned 18 her social worker asked me if I wanted to adopt her because I was next of kin, and I was like... no because I'm still in highschool wtf do you expect me to do with a 14 yo. But when I was 20, they said I was too young :') ) I just don't have the financial capacity to take care of the full rent of a 2 bedroom, electricity, her transportation when she does get a job, etc. Its hard :') Very stressful." *Why do you want YOUR parents to take her?* "The only reason I argue that they should is they're the ones trying to force me to - but I'm looking into other solutions so she doesn't end up homeless in the meantime." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/143o4lz/update_aita_told_my_parents_i_cant_take_my_sister/)**: June 7, 2023 (1 month later)** Hi guys, this is a pretty simple update - but for starters things have somewhat resolved themselves without much from me, which is one huge relief. Essentially I urged my little sister to continue to look into other things, contact her social worker, utilize the resources that some of yall, my roommate, and I found. I informed her of just about everything I could - transitional housing, etc. Then, I ended up telling my parents something that I think got through to them, which was in a sense that "I am trying to live my life, get my education and start my career, and that can't happen if I'm responsible for her." Truthfully taking her on with or without my roommates approval would have been so much more than the risk of eviction \[Which yes, it's in our lease. Sorry I didn't get back to some of you on that\]. It would have been the financial stress of taking on a.. kid \[legal adult, but she \*is\* still a kid\] who doesn't know how to handle bills and general budgeting, would have no transportation \[we don't live near busses and ubers are a good 40 bucks here\], no money, etc. I love her, I care for her, but the point was made to my parents when I emphasized that I'm worrying about \*me\* right now. I've lived with people who don't pull their weight, and as much as I sympathize with her inability to, I'm not in a position where I can take that responsibility on again. I'm not sure what about it got through to them, but it did, and they backed off. They agreed. They're offering to get her an apartment and help her find a roommate, while covering her rent while she adjusts. \[They had their own valid reasons for not wanting her in their house\], and if things go well with her, they'd cover her transportation to school/work until they would get her a car. The plan is to essentially slowly work her up to paying for everything, and it's ultimately a good situation for her. She has two plans lined up right now, both feasible, each with help from willing parties, and they have left the ball in her court. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What was this valid reason your parents had?* "Hey just making my late rounds to reply to people but (And I'm just going to paste what's below for everyone) The valid reason is that they go out of town \*a lot\* and at the time, didn't tell me that's what it was, and it just didn't click with me. I still think their push for trying to force me to take her in despite not being able to at this time was wrong, but not wanting her in their house when they aren't there for weeks at a time is fair, I feel. I'll look into the vocation rehabilitation thing! She does get tuition entirely covered no problem, but we arent sure how the things she gets transfers state to state at this time." **One more update in comments: June 13, 2023 (6 days later)** But yea - I'm making sure to give my sister the information I learn as well, since the ball is as equally in her court as it is mine on what exactly it is she wants to do now that she has two solutions. She's visiting soon so we'll go through it in person (when I can verify she is actually listening and not doing that teenage "okay" and then not looking into it) and what not as well - just so she \*knows\*. I think at the time - this is about all I have on the topic, but I have appreciated the reddits outside perspectives and suggestions. The whole thing has been stressful - but it is at the very least going in a good direction and I'm happy leaving it at this.

AITA: Told my parents I can't take my sister from foster care for 2 months

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14p8izd/aita_told_my_parents_i_cant_take_my_sister_from/

14pfg2t

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/AboutToBeTaken21 **in** r/legaladvice trigger warnings : >!Religion, cults, attempted abduction!< Mood spoilers : >!Positive for OP, less so for their siblings.!< [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ccd4vh/fl_my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion/) \- July 12th 2019 So I really don't know how to start this so i'll get right too it. My mom and step dad are really into "new age" science and beliefs. I've never agreed with them on this and didn't know how extreme it was. Recently though they have become involved in a extremely weird "support group". I say that in quotes because I have no fucking clue who they are. When I'm around they never mention any group names or what "organization" they work for or are apart of. Because of this I have not had much luck finding out stuff as "new age cult" gives to many results to look into. This Monday my mom and stepdad sat me and my 4 siblings down. They told us that we will be moving at the end of the month to a more "stable" location within a spiritual community. According to them they plan to pull all 5 of us (im 16, couldn't think of anywhere else to mention this.) out of school here and enroll us in their "mind awakening" school where ever we move. I tried to get anything out of them but they refused to talk to me at all about it. According to them because i'm still a child in "mind, body, and spirit" i need to listen to them not ask questions. I've actually been freaking out since then and have been trying to get advice but I've been unable too. They cut of the internet, phone and TV Tuesday and they have been keeping a fucking lazer focus on me and my siblings since then. I'm currently at a friends house and this is the only way I've actually got access to the internet. this seems like a cult 100% to me. Last night they had 3 people come and talk to me and my siblings and the stuff they told us was fucking crazy. I was talked to alone by an old man who told me about how my mind is "closed" and that I will slowly learn to open it as my parents have and that the "leaders" will love to meet me and put me in their programs. I need to know what the fuck I can do here. My dad has shared custody of me and since Monday i've had no contact with him. He is supposed to have a call with me every night but my mom claims he's been "informed" and supports this 100%. I tried calling him this morning but he didn't answer. He lives in another state so it's kinda hard to get into contact with him outside of phone and email. I'm at a friends house because I was able to leave the house for the first time in a week this morning after I told my parents I wanted to go to the park but came here and told my friend everything. Her parents are not home but she's trying to call them and I plan to stay here tonight if I can. My parents have forbid me from using the internet because it's "full of lies from them". I'm so lost right now it makes me sick. I do not want to go with them to this obvious compound and I need to know what the fuck I can do here. Can I just run away and if my parents harbor me can they get in trouble. If my mom has been lying about my dad can he do anything? thanks. **UPDATE(edited into the same post)** I talked to my mom and told her because I would be moving soon and this might be one of the last times I could see my friend I would like to stay the night and she said it was ok and that this family was "trustworthy not to try and corrupt my view". I got into contact with my dad and he's pissed. He did not agree and was told I didn't want to talk to him. My 15 year old sister's dad was told the same despite the fact he has primary custody and she only spends the summers with us. My sisters dad is going to call cps too and I just got done with my call to them but I wont repeat what they said here. I will be spending the night here and when my mom asks me to come back tomorrow my dad has told me not to go back and tell her that he will be flying down here to Florida immediately if I don't check in with him or he hears I went back to her. He says that he is already looking into emergency custody (I want to thank my friends parents real quick because holy fuck have they been great. They both have been great and are working with my dad right now to help me). I also will be going and buying a burner phone tomorrow and withdrawing all my money from the bank. My dad says he will handle getting my stuff from my mom when the time comes. Thanks guys for the advice. [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/csii9j/update_my_parents_joined_a_new_age_cult_and_tried/) \- August 19th 2019 Since my last post got popular and people still seem interested in my situation I thought I would give you guys a update on everything. It's been over a month and i'm sorry i kept you guys waiting. things were pretty crazy and my therapist said it probably wasn't the best idea to rant about it online till I felt ready. Well, now that i'm settled down a bit I feel like it might be good to get this off my chest anyway. Sorry if this disappoints you guys though as my dad says I should not include any personal details for fear of leaking my identity (so even though I know the group now I won't be naming them for fear of it getting back to me). So after I stayed the night with my friends family my mom and step dad tried to get me to come back home immediately. My dad said not to go so I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay the rest of this day and I would come home that night. This plan didn't work out very well though as my sisters dad called the police to report that he couldn't contact my sister and was afraid she was kidnapped. It didn't take long before my mom caught on that I was the one who leaked to him their plans and they freaked out. My mom then came to my friends house and tried to force her way in to take me because I had been "corrupted" and needed to be locked away from bad influences till we left for the compound. My friends parents called the police and I called my dad and he got to talk to my mom. I'll leave it short and say this was a nightmare situation that almost ended with my mom being charged with trespassing. My mom and dad argued on the phone for over 3 hours outside of my friends house. In the end my dad made it so I would not have to go with them but the only "safe" place my mom would agree to me staying is with my uncle 4 hours away. I stayed with him for over a week and it was the worst week of my life. My mom called me constantly to try to talk to me and "save me from the evil energies my father had possessed me with.: My step father also began to send me various threats and told me that at the end of the month I was coming no matter what. After a week of this, everything changed. My mom stopped calling me, my stepdad stopped texting and they went quiet for 4 days. Me, my uncle, my dad, all of them couldn't reach them. My sisters dad also stopped being able to reach them. During this time my mom bought my sister a plane ticket home and my sisters dad only learned of this when he got a call after my parents dropped my sister off at the airport. After this my mom called me one last time. She proceeded to tell me that she had been meditating, praying to my guardian spirits daily, and talking to the "leaders". All to to help me "open my third eye to see the truth and understand I was being used by evil."During these sessions apparently she finally "realized the truth" and saw me for the "evil spawn I was." According to her I am a "evil seed" and that I not only was brought here to bring evil spirits onto her and her "good children". I also infected the womb and corrupted my sister. She told me to send my uncle down and pick up all of my "worldly possessions" that were infected and to not come with him or ever contact her or her family again. She ended by telling me that I was never her child and that she hopes "the universe deals with me". The last contact I know about was her telling my dad she wants to revoke her parental rights. At the end of last month they moved to the compound with my 3 step siblings. I moved out to live with my dad and have been in therapy since then. Things are still pretty raw right now and I really don't feel like getting into the emotions I feel towards this. But I feel like at least updating this may be a start. Thank you everyone who gave advice and sent me kind messages on here offering help. I really do appreciate it :)

My parents have joined some new age "religion" and intend to move me to a compound against my will. What can I do to get the hell out of here?

REPOST

LukeB4UGame

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pfg2t/my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion_and/

14pju50

**Status:** CONCLUDED **Trigger Warning:** >!Death Of Family!< [**OG POST**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i5h7v5/aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_orphaned_nephews/) **= Posted Aug 7th 2020** My sister (33) and her husband (36) passed away not too long ago, leaving behind their three children, 14M, 12M, and 8F. We live in a pretty small town of under 2000 people, and their deaths kind of shocked the community. Everyone is talking about it. Their memorials were up in the grocery store the day after they passed. Another thing is everyone is wondering what will happen to their kids, and the expectation seems to be that I will take them in. My circumstances... I am 23M. I am single and have no kids of my own. I have no income, and live off student loans while going to university in the next town over - getting my bachelors. I live in a mobile home in a trailer park. It's a 40 foot trailer, but still only a one bedroom. I own it, but I pay rent on the land it's on. My main reason for not taking them in is that... I don't want to. I don't want kids of my own, and I don't think I'm in a place to take care of them. I've been told that money has been put aside to help, so I wouldn't be keeping us all alive off my loans, but it's only partly about the money. It's about not having the space they need, interrupting my studies to take care of them, and suddenly becoming the caregiver of three humans all on my own. It's a big job that I don't feel I measure up to. I was posed the question by my parents. They in a different country, and can't help, and the kids want to stay here anyway. Friends of my sister's family all have children of their own, usually in batches of 2 to 3 themselves, and can't afford to take more on either. They say I should do it because I don't have kids already, it'll be good 'practice' for my future children, it's my duty to my flesh and blood, I'm young, the kids need me and don't have anywhere else to go... I told my parents that they can crash on my living room furniture for a while, until other arrangements are made for them, but I won't be able to take care of them permanently. My parents think I'm an asshole for refusing. My sister and BIL's friends think I'm an asshole. Even some of my friends think I'm in the wrong. Word has started to spread around town that I'm an asshole. People have come up to me to tell me what they think of me for refusing to take in my nephews and niece. Worst, the kids think I'm an asshole for abandoning them. I've been told horror stories about the foster care system and told that I'm giving them up to it, that they'll be separated, we'll lose them and never get them back. And that I'm a monster for not doing it, that I am selfish, they're ashamed of me. My mother told me that if I don't take them, they'll have nothing more to do with me because of how horrified they are. It seems harsh. Part of me feels like I don't deserve to be told these things just because I don't want to / am not able to take care of these kids. The other part agrees with them. Have I been the asshole in this situation? EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT I sat down and ran the numbers about my finances and this is what I come up with, for anyone interested. The amount of money left behind to help raise them is 25,000 Canadian dollars, and I think that's around 19k USD. I don't think it would be possible to raise 3 kids to 18 on that amount - especially not because one of them will be 10 years away. I would need to supplement that with a job, definitely. But I am 3 years into my bachelors and have accumulated quite a lot of debt that I would also need to pay off if I stop going to school. As for my student loans, I will break down those finances. After my tuition is paid I am left with about 4.8k for the time school is on and the break month in between semesters. My rent for this plot is 550, so of that 4.8k, 2.2k goes to rent every 4 months, leaving me 2.6k to buy food, gas, insurance, etc. All told I have 7.8k a year to purchase needs. I don't know if this matters, but the poverty line for families with 2 adults and 2 children is 30k Canadian dollars. Obviously, with 1 adults and 3 children, still 4 people, at 7.8k to work with, is well below poverty. Because of all that, and all of your guys' responses, I have tentatively figured I am NTA. My plan going forward will be to try and sit down with the kids, at least the oldest, and talk to him about my finances to hopefully show him that it's not because I don't care about him and his siblings that I don't take him, but because there is no chance they will have a good life with me as their guardian.I will also tell my parents all about my finances. Hopefully if they see the resources I have available they will stop on this crusade to get me to take them in and accept that they will need to step in if they want the kids to stay together. I feel like even if I tried to take them, the government would just take them away anyway. Also, while I was out, someone keyed the shit out of my car, lol, so I think I will have to move if people don't calm down. [**TOP COMMENT**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i5h7v5/aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_orphaned_nephews/g0p4aao/) >NTA buuuut it doesn’t really matter if the kids want to stay in this country. Being with your parents would be infinitely better than the foster system. Also, where are the other grandparents? **OOP's Response** >The other set of grandparents have passed a while ago. You're probably right that it doesn't matter they want to stay, but it's part of things they're taking into account with this. [**SECOND BOTTOM COMMENT**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i5h7v5/aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_orphaned_nephews/g0p4wlp/) >ESH. OP I'm so sorry for your loss and for this huge responsability that now rests on your shoulder. You shouldn't have to put a stop in your studies to take care of the children but leaving them to the foster system would be awful. They're problably traumatized and scared to death of what the future has to offer them. You didn't ask for this but neither did the kids. Keep them safe, love them, help them, this is harder on them than it is on you. (The most downvoted comment in this thread was an INFO asking why the OOP's sister couldn't take in the kids.) [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikuvxx/update_aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_orphaned/?sort=top) **- Posted Sept 1st 2020** The original post [can be found here](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i5h7v5/aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_orphaned_nephews/) So, almost a month later. You probably will not be proud, as I am not proud either, but this is what has happened. I withdrew completely from all discussion of the kids unless I was reached out to by someone, usually my parents. Talking to them was pretty hopeless. Some of their favorite talking points were: * You can put your school aside and pick it up when they've moved out. It's only ten years. * It doesn't matter that you don't want children. It's not your choice to make. * You're not a man if you don't help these kids. * It's your responsibility to the children and to your sister. * The children will go to foster care and be split up and that is your fault. They dodged all discussion of finances by saying that either my student loans will cover it, or I'll just have to get a real job and stop being a spoiled intellectual, (in the sense that I belong to the intelligentsia, not that I am smart or anything. They definitely used it as an insult) or that my siblings put money aside for the kids. When I told them that the money they put aside is only 25k Canadian, or 19k USD, they told me that is the 'perfect amount for raising kids on'. Eventually I clued in that arguing with them is useless, and started to only repeat one thing: 'you take them in then'. No matter what they said, I countered it with 'you take them in then', sometimes adding on things like 'if it's selfish not to take them, you take them in then'. This is part of what I was least proud of as it was very immature of me. I'm sure they wanted to wear me down into accepting. Truthfully, it was you guys who gave me the idea, as well as told me to stand my ground, and for that I am grateful. Finally they raged out and told me I was disowned. 'Forget you are our son. Forget you're family. We refuse to have such a monster in the family. Forget how to speak our language because it's not your country anymore, we will cut you out of every picture that has you in it, you will know what it means to be rejected by your family like you have rejected those children', etc. Last I heard there was plane tickets in the works to bring them to my parents, so I guess I am off the hook with them, so to speak. Honestly I am done with the whole family, kids included. If they want to hate me over this, then I guess they hate me. Closer to home, things have been rough. I spent the time sorting out who I could still count as friends. The town itself I have completely written off. My car was a POS anyway so people kept keying it and it didn't matter. I ended up moving as I was definitely no longer welcome here. Ultimately, I don't feel like I won or that I have a happy ending to share, even though things have ended and everything is resolved. So there is your update. I hope it is closure for those of you interested in how this ended up playing out. &#x200B; [**TOP COMMENT**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikuvxx/comment/g3nixbx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Thanks for the update. I remember your post and I'm sorry that a more amicable resolution couldn't be found. I hope that you're able to have a fresh start in the new town. **OOP's Response** >I will. What other choice is there but to keep going? It sucks that things didn't turn out cool, but this was probably best case scenario. [BOTTOM COMMENT](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikuvxx/update_aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_orphaned/g3njqva?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) >YTA But whatever, at least the grandparents care for family. **OOP's Response** >Thanks for judgement but is a little late now since this is update post. Best of everything to you. &#x200B; This is marked as concluded as it has been a few years and OOP has not made any further updates since. Reminder: **I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL OP, THIS IS A REPOST.**

OOP Asks if he is the asshole for not taking in his orphaned Niece and Newphew

REPOST

Mean-Let-4300

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pju50/oop_asks_if_he_is_the_asshole_for_not_taking_in/

14pky1d

*I am not the Original Poster. That is* u/Throwaway-9873. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. *Mood Spoiler:* >!OOP makes the right choice!< *Original* [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13k3ads/aita_for_sending_my_younger_sister_money_against/)*: May 17, 2023* My younger sister (F25) is working towards getting her master's degree in New York. While she loves the city and school, she hates how expensive everything has become. She does work part-time, but it simply isn't enough. My parents (M77) and (F73) have been sending her money each month, but since they recently retired, they've had to cut back. To fill the gap, my brother (M28) and I (M32) have begun sending some money to our sister from time to time to help with her rent. I have a well-paying job and a close relationship with my sister, so I'm happy to help where I can. However, my GF (F30) has expressed her dissatisfaction with the arrangement. We've been saving up to buy put a down payment on a house in the future, and my GF believes that my financial contributions to my sister is hindering our progress. Yesterday (which happened to be the day I usually send my sister money), GF told me that we needed to reduce expenses, and one suggestion she made was for me to no longer send money to my sister. She believes that my sister needs to learn how to manage her money better and that my brother (M28) should contribute more. I told her about how I feel a responsibility towards my sister and how my brother doesn't make as much as I do, and while she did acknowledge that she then said I was "financially naïve" and said she "doesn't want me to be taken advantage of". I was kinda disappointed hearing this, as I made the conscientious decision to help my sister and wasn't falling for some sort of scam. The conversation ended because we both had to go to work, but she told me not to send anything until we've further discussed this. During my lunch break at work, I proceeded to send my sister some money and told GF about this over dinner. She told me that she was "disappointed". At this point, I was getting a little annoyed and responded by saying I was not willing to comprise my current arrangement with my sister. GF got upset with this and left the table, AITA? EDIT 1: I make about 15.5k/month and have been putting away 4-6k each month towards a future house. GF makes about 7k/month currently saves around 1k/month for the house. She said she'll contribute more once her student loans are payed off. I pay for rent and utilities, GF pays for bulk of groceries I started sending my sister $1500/month since my parents retired EDIT 2: Sis pays $2800/month in rent and $350/month in transportation. I contribute $1500/month; brother pays $750/month, parents pay $500/month. Our mother was terrified of sis living in NYC on her own and only agreed if she lived in a nicer area and had a car **Relevant Comments:** Do you share a bank account? "We don't have a shared bank account, I pay rent and utilities, she pays about 80% of the groceries while I cover about 20%" What is your long term plan with your sister? "I was planning on paying for the next year and half (which is roughly how long it should take her to complete her masters). At this point she'd most likely have a job or move back to Mom and Dad until she gets a job" **OOP is voted NTA** *Update (Same Post): May 17, 2023 (6 hours later)* EDIT 3: Update - My GF and I had a long talk after work, it didn't go well. To summarize, tensions escalated during the conversation. I told her that I plan to continue helping my sister until she completes her degree, and afterward, she would either start working or move back to our parents' home until she finds a job. However, my GF expressed her belief that my sister (and whole family) is manipulating me and thinks I'm naive enough to send her money regardless of how she uses it. I started to feel increasingly annoyed and defensive by her accusations and asserted that it's my money, and I have the right to spend it as I see fit. I then (stupidly) said that if she really wanted us to buy a house, she should save more and cut back on expenses like nice shoes, clothes, and purses. At this point, she became properly angry and declared that she couldn't stay in the same house as me, and said that she would be going to her friend's house. Before leaving, she said, "Call me when you stop thinking like a fucking idiot," before I could even think I replied, "I won't be calling." I feel that I may have irreparably damaged our relationship EDIT 4: Update - I want to express my thanks to all of you for sharing your perspectives and insights. Your input is truly appreciated. Following the fight with GF, I reached out to my brother to confide in him about what happened. His take was pretty optimistic. However, he advised me to stand firm in my position while also remaining open to fully hearing out my girlfriend and considering the possibility of reconciliation. He cautioned against contacting GF's friend to ask about her whereabouts (as it may smell of desperation), and instead said that he would come over (as he lives about an hour away) so we could spend some time together over a movie and dinner. At this point, I feel drained and numb. Its been a long day, and tbh I just want it over. EDIT 5: Update - My brother came by and bought dinner, we've been watching The Dark Knight (don't know why he chose that) since. Still haven't heard from GF or her friend. For those wondering, I'm a chemical engineer and GF has been paying about 2.5k/month to pay of her student loans. *Update (Same Post): May 20, 2023 (3 days later)* EDIT 6: WEEKEND UPDATE Before I begin, I would like to thank everyone for responding to my original post. Your support and insights mean a great deal to me. I also want to provide some additional context about my relationship with my girlfriend (GF). We started dating in January of last year, officially becoming a couple by the end of March, and she moved in with me in May. In hindsight, I must admit that the pace of our relationship was driven by my infatuation rather than the development of a deep connection. Her fun-loving nature and beauty had an influence on me, causing me to overlook the misalignment of our values. Regarding GF's relationship with my family and friends, she seemed to get along well with everyone, although I feel that she never like my brother. My mother made significant efforts to make GF feel welcome, likely due to her desire for grandchildren. On the other hand, my relationship with GF's friends and parents was different. I couldn't help but feel that they saw GF as being out of my league for some reason, and some of her friends even told me how lucky I should consider myself to have GF in my life.There were also other warning signs that I chose to ignore, and I want to share them now: GF wanted to impose restrictions on how often I could visit my family throughout the year. Less than a month after moving in with me, GF leased a BMW, contradicting her previous statements about wanting to pay off her student loans quickly. At the time, I found it strange but didn't raise any objections, thinking that GF deserved to treat herself after years of schooling. Over the following months, she continued splurging on expensive clothes, shoes, purses, coats, and more. Looking back, I doubt she was completely honest about how she was managing her student loan payments. GF regularly urged me to distance myself from some of my friends, citing reasons like them being bad influences or me spending too much time with them. When I mentioned that her friends didn't seem to think highly of me, she shrugged it off, claiming they only wanted what was best for her. Fast forward to today. As most people recommended, I kept my word and didn't call GF. Instead, early this morning, around 5 am, she texted me, suggesting that we meet at a local cafe to discuss our future. I replied with a simple "sure". The atmosphere felt tense but we did exchange brief curt greetings, before we dove straight into the conversation. She began by expressing her hurt over my failure to call her, repeatedly emphasizing that I needed to be reasonable and prioritize our relationship above all else (I noticed her consistent use of "you" instead of "us" or "we"). When I pointed this out, she claimed that her initiating this meeting was proof of her commitment and that if I were truly committed, I would have called her the moment she left. At that moment, I chose to remain silent, and I believe she interpreted my silence as her "winning" the argument. She then shifted the conversation to finances, bluntly stating that our best course of action was to ensure neither of us carried any debt. According to her, the only way to achieve this was with me to start paying some of her loans. I insisted that this shouldn't interfere with my agreement to support my sister (if I did agree to pay her loans), but GF asserted that it would "impede our progress as a couple." I argued that supporting my family and progressing in our relationship should not be mutually exclusive. In response, GF declared that if we were both serious, I needed to make her center focus. She then added that even if she did agree to allow me to continue supporting my sister, "it would't end there, as these things never do." With this, she then began inquiring about my parents, pointing out their "advanced" age and suggesting that they would soon require regular support. Without hesitation, I firmly reiterated my stance, that if my parents ever needed any form of assistance, I wouldn't hesitate to offer it. She followed up by asking, "Even if they wanted to live with you?" to which I replied, "Yes." She pressed further, asking, "Even if I said they can't?" Once again, I responded, "Yes." At that moment, GF stood up, saying that she was "disappointed to see what kind of person I've become" and how she and her friends had always sensed there was something off about me. In response, I stated, "If you believed that, you shouldn't have moved in." She was unable to offer a retort to that. She then began making remarks about how it was only a matter of time before I would beg her to take me back. I firmly told her that the only thing I would be asking was for her to take belongings and return my keys. She tossed the keys at me and before making several comments, asserting that she didn't need me, that I had wasted her time, and I how I greatly disappointed her. I said "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm no longer obligated to listen to you complain". With that she stormed off. About an hour latter, I got a text from one of her friends saying that they were coming (without GF) tomorrow to get her stuff. I'm hoping that once they do, I can put this whole thing behind me **Relevant Comments (on OOP's** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway-9873/comments/13ng19k/update_to_exgf_story_now_on_aita/) **on his own page saying there was an update on AITA)** Have someone with you when they come to get her stuff: "My brother has volunteered to come along and I asked one of my friends who also said he'd be there" One more note from OOP: "Thank you, I learned a tough lesson in the difference between infatuation and genuine love, and thinking back, I don't think me and ex were ever in love" **Update #2 [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway-9873/comments/1484x9c/2nd_update_to_exgf_story/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1): June 13, 2023** *2nd Update to ex-GF story* For a quick recap, I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago due to financial disagreements. To be honest, I felt pretty bad at first, but now I've been enjoying the peace and quiet that comes with being single. Things have been relatively carefree, and I have much more time to spend with my friends. Since the breakup, I haven't seen my ex-girlfriend. Her friends came to collect her belongings, and since then, I haven't heard anything from them. That was until tonight. Earlier today, I received a random text from one of my ex's friends, informing me that my ex would be coming by to collect a few forgotten books. Apparently, my ex still refuses to talk to me, so her friend had to deliver the message (even though she had no problem collecting the books herself). After work, I quickly searched the house for the books. I hoped to find them and hand them to her at the door, but due to the existing mess in the house (and working late), I couldn't find them. Around 7 pm, my ex showed up. It was incredibly awkward. I asked her to tell me where the books were so I could bring them to the door, but she insisted on retrieving them herself. Reluctantly, I agreed and politely asked her to grab her things and leave. From the way she was walking and what she was wearing, I got the impression that she may have been trying to seduce me. To expedite her departure, I helped her search, and she made a comment about how it reminded her of when we used to clean together. I awkwardly chuckled in response. Eventually, she found her books and jokingly asked if I had hidden them to make her stay longer. I sarcastically told her she was free to believe that if she wanted to, but since she found her books, our conversation was over. She then said that she was willing to forgive me and take me back if I apologized. I refused and once again asked her to leave. She started yelling and crying, so I called her friends to come and get her. Within five minutes, her friends arrived and collected her. They threw insults and nasty comments at me, accusing me of being a monster and so much other stuff, before finally leaving. I'm exhausted, but I think (hope/pray) things are might finally be over.

AITA for sending my younger sister money against my GF wishes? *With updates*

NEW UPDATE

TheDarkySupreme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pky1d/aita_for_sending_my_younger_sister_money_against/

14pl4nw

I am not the OOP. Originally posted by u/Interesting-Dot8809 in r/nanny on June 21st, 2023 updated on 6/23 and 6/26 Mood spoiler: >!happy ending!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/14f6krc/cali_are_you_out_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) June 21st, 2023 Cali, are you out there? You took care of me from when I was born until I was 10 years old. The day you left, it felt like I had lost my mom. Things got bad without you. You were my one and only emotional support and once you were gone, there was no room for me in the family. I’m grown up now. I’m 22, I graduated college, and I live on my own. I don’t talk to dad anymore but I imagine you’d be proud of me for that. I cut all of my hair off, just like you. I wear forest green, just like you. I told you I’d be a doctor and I still want to, that dream never faded. We used to bake cookies together. Well I’m a baker now! I wish I could show you what I’m capable of now because I think you’d be really proud. Cali, I love you and I miss you. There’s this hole in my heart from when you left. I hope I can find you again. To the other incredible Nannies on the platform, if you know a Cali who took care of a Bay Area family from around 2000-2010 please send me a message. I’m desperate to find her. And please don’t forget the impact you have on your NKs, it’s more than you realize❤️ [Update: Cali, are you out there?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/14h5qnh/update_cali_are_you_out_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) June 23rd, 2023 I HAVE FOUND CALI AND WE ARE TEXTING!!!!! Thank you so much internet strangers. You made it possible for me to find the missing part of my heart. You are all incredible, wonderful, kind people who have given me a gift better than I ever could’ve imagined. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Edit: I was at work while I wrote this update so it didn’t have a ton of detail but for people wondering how I found Cali, so many people with experience tracking down lost individuals reached out to me in my DM’s. Some of them specialize in skip tracing for adopted children, others were just really good at finding people, and even more were other Nannies doing anything they could to help me find her. In the end, I got some more info from my mom about the woman who put her in contact with Cali 25 years ago. With this info, a kind stranger was able to track down a number which ended up being associated with her son. The son sent me to his mom, his mom sent me to Cali. As for Cali, she is doing so well. She wanted to thank everybody for putting us in touch, she had wanted to reach out forever but given the circumstances of her leaving (which were by no means her fault) she was afraid to bridge the gap. As it turns out, she lives relatively nearby to where I am now all the way across the country! I’m calling her in an hour and here’s to hoping we get to reunite sometime soon! Again, thank you to everybody. Whether you helped me find a number or upvoted my first post, I am so so grateful. ❤️ [Final update: Cali are you out there?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/14jj8f8/final_update_cali_are_you_out_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) June 26th, 2023 I got to meet Cali and her husband yesterday!!!! We went to a toy store for old time’s sake (yes, I’m 22, and yes, it was AWESOME) and we got a kite. We spent all day on the beach just talking, hugging, and catching up. All of these memories are rushing back and it’s so beautiful. The two of us going door to door in my neighborhood in disguise looking for ourselves, the time she let me cut onions so I could learn why they made people cry, the knock knock jokes I made from the backseat, the jazz music we listened to in the car together, the way we would draw on our bellybuttons and make them talk. And it’s not just the memories, I love getting to know her as an adult. I can finally ask her the questions I didn’t think to. I learned all about her family and her upbringing. I got to hear about how she met her (awesome) husband and see them act like teens in love after nearly 15 years of marriage. He has a daughter who I cannot wait to meet because she was partially raised by Cali too. She kept my photos and baby shoes. Her husband told me there was not a day that went by where she didn’t mention my name and I sobbed like a baby. Cali is back and I’m never letting her go. https://youtu.be/4v-vjz1hukU

Cali, are you out there? OOP searches for childhood nanny

CONCLUDED

progressivetwinkle

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pl4nw/cali_are_you_out_there_oop_searches_for_childhood/

14plu4h

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jhoujhou96 in r/mildlyinfuriating** trigger warnings: none mood spoilers: >! somewhat happy, tree is returned but with burns!< Hi, this is my first post here. Hope you enjoy! --- &nbsp; **ORIGINAL POST** [**She could have just asked, and we'd happily give her a stem cutting!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/13v19qz/she_could_have_just_asked_and_wed_happily_give/) - (29 May, 2023) OOP posted [this video](https://preview.redd.it/kld3m1ablu2b1.gif?format=mp4&v=enabled&s=2434ea1919ce5f4a6c1577efdc3ab9b05a5fd984) of a woman wearing white clothes surreptitiously approaching a beautiful recently planted tree with pink leaves and yanking it away. **video's comment:** This was not the first time this happened but finally caught it on camera. It had been growing indoors in a vase for 2 years, as we were afraid this would happen again, but it was getting root-bound so we moved it to our driveway 2 weeks ago. Then come this morning and this happens… This was in South Brazil. **Relevant Comments** great_auks: >Grand Theft Azalea OOP replies: >>Very close! it’s a Bougainvillea. OOP: >We managed to get this broadcast on our local news channel today. The family members of this individual managed to recognise the person and contacted us. They are speaking to the person and trying to get it back. falafelest: >>That’s awesome!!! Justice served hopefully OOP: >>>It actually was as the community and neighbourhood really helped locating the culprit. The family was really helpful and assisted on contacting the family member who took it. &nbsp; **UPDATE** [**Follow-up- She could have just asked, and we'd happily give her a stem cutting!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/13w2dvb/followup_she_could_have_just_asked_and_wed/) - (30 may, 2023) Hey there, mildly-infuriated lurker here! I'd like to firstly say how surprised I was with how much traction this got. I never thought this would reach so many people in such a short amount of time. I, like many of you, am a lurker but hardly spend any time on any social media platforms due to a very busy work and personal life. I'd like to point out that I, in no way condone physical or verbal abuse, harm or defamation of other beings. I created this gif to share with family members and thought it was appropriate for this sub after-the-fact. For some context: Soon after this took place, our friendly neighbour who happened to be outside had seen this take place and came to us straight away to let us know. As she is elderly, there was no attempt to stop the suspect on her tracks. She mentioned that she knew the person so my wife and mother-in-law grabbed the footage from the security camera and drove over to their house in search of the plant. Upon arrival at the address, they very politely spoke to the suspect and asked her to give it back, as we had video and witnesses that could testify she was the one that took it. She tried brushing it off saying it wasn't her and (supposedly)even threatened us that she would press charges for falsely accusing her. After some back and forth with no success of getting it back, she said "fine, if this isn't you, we'll reach out to our local news to try and identify who the actual person was". While this was taking place, I filed a police report and got in contact with our local news and sent them the video. We did not provide the address or name of the suspect, as all we wanted was to retrieve it without harming anyone. When the camera footage hit the news, people from the neighbourhood, and people that knew us were bombarding us with messages, people on Instagram were already reposting the video, and very soon after we were contacted by this person's family. They were profoundly apologetic and said they would do everything to try and retrieve it for us, as this was in no way a representation of who they were. To be clear, their family were actually very humble people who did different types of general labour work and are very well-known and respected by everyone around the area for their work and friendliness. They were completely shocked once they saw the news as they knew straight away who this was. By late afternoon, they had brought the plant back. When they did, they also said that this person was mentally ill and on medication. How much of this is true, I don't know. But what I know is that they did their utmost best to amend and bring closure to this situation without aggravation and distress. They also offered financial compensation, which we declined. We only asked for the plant back, which they did bring with them. But to our surprise, unfortunately, it had already been mostly burnt in what I can only suspect was an attempt to rid the evidence. It was placed in a black bag and then lit up probably when it hit the news. The root seems to have survived as it was still moist (I am no plant expert) so we did replant it after cutting off the burnt stems, in hopes that it will re-grow. So this is it, the whole story. I decided to share this due to the traction this has gotten as I would not like there to be any 3rd party misinformation surrounding this ordeal. For those that requested, the plant is a Bougainvillea, and while not an exotic and rather inexpensive species, was very dear to us as it had a very sentimental value to my wife's family. No money could replace it, and we had only planted it outside as a keepsake to see it blossom into a beautiful tree, and also because it also began getting root bound in the pot it was in previously. Here is the link to the news channel which they also stream live on Youtube. It starts at 45:29 https://www.youtube.com/live/14qC_Wt5RJE?feature=share&t=2729 I've also uploaded a picture of how it used to look: https://imgur.com/IHh9hje All the best to everyone and I hope this brings closure to anyone who saw my original post and was wondering what the resolution was. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Plant thief is caught on camera and broadcasted on local news

CONCLUDED

max_lagomorph

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14plu4h/plant_thief_is_caught_on_camera_and_broadcasted/

14pmlqd

**I am NOT OP. Original post from** r/tifu **by** u/Universal_Winter TW: >!implied racism!< Mood spoiler: >!Positive!< &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; &#x200B; **Original Post** [TIFU by walking past an exchange student orientation](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/144tieq/tifu_by_walking_past_an_exchange_student/) (June 8, 2023) I'm honestly quite shocked that it happened, but also not at the same time. Before I begin, I'm a 20-year old college student with Asian roots. This is important to the story. So there's a high school I have to walk past to get to my bus stop and an orientation for new exchange students was going on out front outside. (I already knew this was happening since the sign outside displayed it for about a week). I casually walk by as per usual, but I hear a voice yelling "Hey you! Where do you think you're going?!" I paused for a split second and continued along thinking it was about someone else. Then again, "HEY! You have to listen to your teachers!! Get back here!!" I now turn around to look and the lady leading the orientation was furiously waving at me to go over there and then yelled again, "C'MON!! You're holding up the group!!" - I then responded with "I don't go to this school!" and proceeded to head to the bus stop. As I see my bus approaching from a distance, I try to sprint for it, but then I feel her grab my arm from behind (she was FAST) and then began to berate me that I don't get to just ditch school here. I guess she didn't hear me the first time, so I grabbed my student ID to show her and told her again that I'm not a student there. As that happened, the bus just passed by us since no one was at the stop. She made me miss by damn bus. She kinda just chuckled a bit and half-heartedly apologize before turning back to rejoin her group. At that point, I had to pay $30 an Uber to get me to school (this bus comes once an hour >.>) TL;DR: A high school was having student exchange orientation, had to walk past said high school to get to bus stop, got mistaken as a runaway exchange student, which led to me missing my bus and Ubering instead. EDIT: Wow I didn’t expect this to blow up so fast! I really appreciate the support from everyone and thank you to you all!! And also a thanks to whoever gave me the award! I’ve also come with an update: so word of the incident has now apparently gone around that I learned this evening the school is looking for me to make things right. I suppose it’d be rude to turn them down, so I shall call them first thing Monday :) &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; [TIFU (Update) by walking past an exchange student orientation](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/14c5boh/tifu_update_by_walking_past_an_exchange_student/) (June 17, 2023) Hey folks! I have come with an update from my interaction last week. As previously mentioned in my first edit, I called the school this Monday and the office put me through with the principal. The principal of course apologized for the incident, and to my surprise, it turned out that orientation teacher felt terrible and came forward herself! I was told she felt very bad about making me miss the bus that day that she wanted to make it up to me. I was then invited to come to the school so she could apologize to me personally, which honestly is very sweet of her. I really didn't expect any apology from her, but after hearing this, I could not turn it down. So the principal arranged for me to come the following Wednesday during their lunch break as I don't have class on that day. Come Wednesday, I arrive at the office to check in and the principal came out with that teacher, where we properly introduced each other. She gave me a very sincere apology and went out of her way to gift me a prepaid $50 Mastercard gift card. I told her that she did not have to do this, but she said that it was the least she could do for causing me to miss the bus. I was actually super moved that I asked to hug her which we did. After that, we chatted for a bit about our lives, hobbies, and all that before the bell rang for the end of lunch break. I thanked and hugged her again, and made my way home after that. I don't normally expect happy resolutions to things like that, so what happened on Wednesday definitely came as a surprise for me. Goes to show how meaningful it is when one owns up to their mistakes. TL;DR: Principal of school where teacher that grabbed me last week invited me to said school for a formal apology from said teacher, I go and teacher sincerely apologizes and gifts a $50 Mastercard gift card, we chat about our lives and now we're on very good terms.

TIFU by walking past an exchange student orientation

CONCLUDED

starchild812

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pmlqd/tifu_by_walking_past_an_exchange_student/

14pnkg1

**I am NOT OP. Original post from** r/Parenting **by** u/Happykittymeowmeow\*\*.\*\* **TW:** none &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **Original:** [**My daughter, 6, has been disappointed yet again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/13zqsjt/my_daughter_6_has_been_disappointed_yet_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **(June 3, 2023)** Her father got married today and she was so excited. He promised her a special role in the wedding and a special gift like a ring or bracelet or something. Plus fun, dancing, cake etc. I got her ready this morning and she was just so excited. I go to bring her to where he had previously told me to bring her. Well, plans changed and he "dropped the ball" and forgot to tell me where to go. It was an extra 20 minute ride after the already 30 minute ride. We get there, I send her in with the ladies. Now she gets home far earlier than expected, is a crying heap and she tells me she had no special role, didn't get to stand with them or help at all. She didn't get the special gift he promised. He didn't line up anyone to keep an eye on her. The person he told me was bringing her home didn't know that she was supposed to bring her. She didn't get to dance or have cake because the party got too drunk and rowdy too fast after the vows so she was brought home early by the person who wasn't aware they were her ride. I'm beyond upset for her. I'm just at such a loss on what to do for her to make her feel better. Now she won't get to see her dad for the next two weeks for his honeymoon and she's already saying she misses him then just looks sad. I just needed to vent this somewhere. She's been talking about this wedding for a whole year and now she just seems crushed. Edited to update: I've read every single comment and all the love here is super reassuring. I appreciate all of the advice and have taken some of it. Seriously, thank you for all the advice. We let her pick out a cake to have, she loved it! I finally folded and dyed pink streaks in her hair. We have a few mom and daughter things planned out and she's feeling better today! She even went to cheer and did a fantastic job, though looked a little sad at moments. My husband has been great with her and showing extra love too. I also spoke to a couple different people who are my daughters family their but I know are on her side of things. Apparently the step mom set up most of the wedding. It was unorganized to say the least. No one was in charge of setup, she was an hour late for her own wedding, she was supposed to give our daughter a roll but had all only her side of the family in the wedding. Idk where he fell in all of this, other than just letting her walk all over him and our daughter. He should have been there to stick up for her. They both had a failure of duty here because neither of them followed through on the promises and well being of my baby girl. Now I have two weeks to plan what to say to them and how to say it. Edit 2: Forgot to mention I am finding her a therapist immediately. Not sure what kind I'm going for other than specialties with children. I am also considering consulting a lawyer. &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **Update:** [**My daughter (6F) was disappointed about not being in her Dad's wedding, an update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/14hdl7t/my_daughter_6f_was_disappointed_about_not_being/) **(June 23, 2023)** So I made a post a while ago here And a few people have requested an update, but be warned it's a bit long. The gist of the first post is that my daughter (6f) went to her father's wedding with all these promises that she would have a big important role and it would be very special. She went, he didn't communicate where I was supposed to bring her at all so I was a bit late dropping her off. It was an extra 20 to 30 minutes away. She didn't have a role. She sat like a guest through the ceremony. She didn't get cake and was brought home early by her father's mom, Grammy. She was crushed. After the events of the post he went blissfully on his honeymoon and I picked up the pieces of our child. She was distraught. For days she would just look sad at moments and go to her room or cry a bit or lay down on the couch or come in for a cuddle. She's been begging me for a year to get some pink hair so we put some streaks in it and she absolutely loves it! Her stepdad and I took her on a kinda family date to eat and to a movie without her younger brother (1yM). We had loads of fun and did loads of other things like little dance parties in the living room and nail painting, makeup, dress up, anything and everything. We also let her pick out a cake to have after supper the night after. She picked a white cake with sugary frosting of course! I also placed a ton of calls and got on a wait list to have her see a counselor or therapist. 8-12 weeks so we may have quite a while to go. I let her know she could talk to me about anything and she did express her feelings to me in regards to the wedding and how she feels about herself. I listened and reassured her that we all love her and she is important to us and so many cuddles. When he returned from the honeymoon we had a face to face conversation on my terms. I decided to not just jump into angry and do my best to be nice in hopes of getting answers and giving her a clear understanding of what his actions led to. I started out by asking him what happened and he told me that he flubbed on not telling me that I wasn't dropping her off at point A anymore and was now going to point B. That the bride also a little late. They didn't arrange any setup so the guests were setting stuff up with the groomsmen and the ladies were inside. Things started up really late. They didn't include her in the ceremony but had something planned later during the reception. Grammy didn't know she was our daughter ride home because he flubbed again in not telling her. Grammy also spent the time after the ceremony caring for our daughter while she was cold and sad. Grammy and stepdad were super angry and left and brought my baby home before the plans for her and before cake. He was really upset how it all turned out. Then I told him about how she came home crying, that we didn't a bunch if stuff to make her feel better including dying her hair even though he didn't want that in the past. Told him I'm putting her in therapy to work through this. He cried. Still not sure how to feel about that. I don't feel bad that he cried though, I told him we could talk on this more another time. Said 'I'm sorry things turned out this way' and left. She's been having some behavioral issues at daycare now that it's summer by not listening and doing things she knows she shouldn't like climbing the pile of mats. He and I haven't talked more on it but he can't look me in the eye anymore and I just don't want to be anywhere near him. He hurt my baby and I'm still feeling the mama bear in my chest whenever I think about it. Tl;dr: He cried, I'm still mad, she's still sad, and I think we all need therapy

My daughter (6F) was disappointed about not being in her Dad's wedding

ONGOING

starchild812

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pnkg1/my_daughter_6f_was_disappointed_about_not_being/

14pr63s

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Imaginary_Place_1035 **Boss joked about discrimination during the hiring process** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexism!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13f991d/boss_joked_about_discrimination_during_the_hiring/) **May 12, 2023** Not sure how to feel about this, or if (and even how) I could do something about this. I recently returned after my 14 week maternity leave. I know something like this is not always easy on colleagues, but this is the national minimum. Our team has been expanding rapidly the last couple of years (read from a 2 person team 5 years ago to 6 now). One of them has just tendered their resignation last week. My team leader has assured my (only) male colleague that she will do her best to find someone asap to help in his duties, as he is now the only one for his tasks. When they joked about what his requirements were, my boss mentioned not wanting to hire any young female, because they might want to have kids. Now, discrimination because of gender (and potential child wishes) is illigal during hiring processes and even punishable in court. Given that I only just returned from my maternity leave myself, I also felt attacked. I'm not sure my boss was joking about this. I don't know if I should report this to the companies confidential advisor or what. It was said in a conversation, I can't prove anything. I do know they already interviewed someone I know from a previous job and when they mentioned working with me before, they decided not to hire, because they feared the job becoming too social/friendly. My boss admitted this to me. So I don't feel discrimination because they fear pregnant worked to be that impossible. Ugh, I don't know what to do, or even if I should do anything. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** BombadilloHop >Are you unable to have an open conversation with your boss about how her comment made you feel? >I feel like that is the hurdle you'd have to jump if you really did want to escalate the issue further. OOP replied >I immediately mentioned that that would be discrimination, to which she replied that she needs to balance my (potential future) absence. >I will probably discuss it with my colleague first next week. We often feel weird about things she does, I'm gonna see how they feel about that remark. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/147hcdb/update_boss_joked_about_discrimination_during_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 12** So, it's been a month since my boss started joking about not hiring young females, who could possible have a wish for children, because they need to compensate for me. I did talk it over with my direct colleagues and they too were completely stunned when she made that statement. I ended up reporting her to the confidential person at work. As it turns out, my boss was in hot waters about problems in our team last year too, so they were not surprised when I contacted them about her. The exact words when I requested a meeting was: "is this about Mary?" It's been a month, and while I have received an update that "a solution is in the making", my boss has made several other remarks pointed directly at me. I have now completely lost all joy I once had in my job and I only keep going because of my colleagues. I am however applying to different job openings right now. I can not imagine staying here. Even is it turns out the solution they are working on is firing her. The job market is big right now, so I don't doubt I'll find something else soon. I just feel bad abandoning my coworkers. For now, I am still working while I'm looking for a job, but I'm hopeful it won't be long anymore. I might take a day or 2 off next week, just to get a little break for Mary and to recharge my batteries. I'm really bad at pretending, so I'm sure they know something is up. Tl;dr: made a formal complaint against my boss, a solution is being worked on, but I'm still looking for a different job. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP ON IF SHE SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT ALONE** >Yeah no, I should not have. Because it is discrimination based on gender and in my country that is punishable in court. All remarks about how young women basically have no place on her team because they want kids (while I had just 2 weeks before that returned from my maternity leave) is a direct message to me. How she finds it incredibly stupid that they need to make accommodations for pumping women, while it is part of the law, is a dire message to me. I was not going to let that slide. **ANOTHER COMMENT FROM OOP REGARDING HER BOSS** >Your comment is just what I needed right now. I just came out of a meeting where again I got comments about my 'slacking off' because I said I couldn't put a face to someone's name (hey, we are working remotely, she does not come into the office on the same day I do and I have been absent. Also, I'm just generally bad with faces. Couldn't describe my sister if I wanted to.) To be fair, I am ready to put in my notice this very second, it is really weighing on me mentally. ##NEW UPDATE **THIS UPDATE WAS ADDED AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED** [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14qrlkq/update_boss_joked_about_discrimination_during_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **July 4, 2023** Another 3 weeks have passed since my last update. I read my own post on BORU and because a lot has happened since then, I thought a new update was needed. Also, thank you for the support. The same evening of my last update, I got the news a good friend of mine got hit by a car on her way home from work and died on impact. That really messed me up. It also drove home the importance of happiness in the workplace. Life is too short to dread going to work and fearing seeing your boss. I kept on working for another week, but mentally, physically and emotionally collapsed a week later and I have since been on sick leave. Since then the only thing I've done is sleep and weep. I dreaded picking up my kids at school/daycare and a visit to the store in the morning drains me of all energy for the rest of the day. So you may not be surprised to hear that my doctor suspected postpartum depression. I have seen a psychologist, who told me I don't have it, but that I was probably on the brink. As she said, "I'm at the edge of the ravine and one small step would've send me tumbling." She strongly suspects the situation at work is a strong factor in the development of that ppd. I will be working with a mental coach. I have not given my notice (yet) and have suspended any job applications. I need to focus on my recovery now. I will give a new update when it looks like something changed, work or health wise. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Boss joked about discrimination during the hiring process

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14pr63s/boss_joked_about_discrimination_during_the_hiring/

14ptw1e

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Salty_Ambassador8169 **I made it so they won’t ever get a job in their chosen degree** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **To cover up the spoiler tags, here are facts about chipmunks** There are 25 species of chipmunk, 24 of which live in North America. Chipmunks are excellent tree climbers and swimmers who live in a variety of habitats, including plains, mountains, forests, and deserts. Chipmunks like to live alone in holes or burrows called dens. **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Physical, verbal and emotional abuse of a child.!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14b44ti/i_made_it_so_they_wont_ever_get_a_job_in_their/) **June 16, 2023** So, I was bullied mercilessly in school by a group of three girls. This lasted for over a decade. They went out of their way to make my life miserable and I even skipped days of school on a weekly basis because I was so afraid of them. It’s been 3yrs since then and I recently saw that two of them got degrees. The other isn’t important. We’ll call the two Katie and Becky. I am trying to get over what they did and I am in therapy and on a few different anxiety and depression medications. So. When I saw that they’d got degrees I tried to look passed it but the degrees they got both angered me and worried me. Katie got an animal care degree and Becky got a degree to be a MENTAL HEALTH NURSE. I thought it was was just a joke but I was wrong. I didn’t know what I was doing at first but once I started I couldn’t stpp. I wrote a long status on Facebook about what I’d endured at their hands. Clift notes 1- my phone was thrown in the sink at school 2- they’d kick at my ankles in sports classes 3- they’d comment on my weight, glasses, crooked teeth and home life 4- they made a category at prom for ‘most likely to ‘end’ themselves’ and I was the only candidate. (It was coincidentally taken out before tutors could see) 5- they would hide my sports clothes and replace them with some that were too small 6- they locked me in the gym cupboard until after lunch when another class came to use it. (No proof but I knew it was them) 7- they’d follow me home and try to barge me into the roads 8- they’d stab my arms with pens and pencils in class These are just the few I mentioned in my post. There are alot more and some alot worse I tagged them in the post and mentioned their names many times, and pinned it to the top of my page. Alot of people are telling me I’m being petty and I know I am but I don’t care. There was an argument in the comments between us and so many other people on all sides but it soon stopped. I didn’t take the post down. Out of nowhere, Becky messaged me privately apologising for what she put me through and the time blaming it on youth and immaturity. She asked if I could take the post down and that she’d grown as a person since then. (Only 3yrs after the prom category thing) I was contemplating taking post down but not even a day later I found out her true intentions In my country, a potential employer will look at someone social media as a character reference and an unknown person sent me an email asking if they could keep screenshots of my post and the comments on file. I agreed. As long as my post is up, neither of them are likely to get a job in their fields and I’m glad about it. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** **ON BEING ACCUSED OF BEING THE BULLY NOW** >I haven’t been allowed to mature. Good for you. At 65 years old you have managed to build a life for yourself but you have no right to dictate what is and is not a good person in this situation. In case you didn’t notice, this is not a sub to ask whether I’m AH because I know I’m not. I’m firm in my belief that I am doing the world a favour. >Imagine, during your decades of parental caregiving that you found out their nurse had pushed someone in the middle of roads hoping they were hit by on coming traffic. Imaging you found out that they’d locked someone with claustrophobia in a small dark cupboard for hours on end and did not return for them. Many of the offences could have been charged criminally. But back then I was so brow beaten that I showed mercy. I didn’t want to ruin their lives but now? No. They’ve gone into fields that directly go against everything I know of them so why shouldn’t I express my concern and my experience? >Clearly you have not gained wisdom in age, just a warped idea of self righteousness * >Don’t pretend to know them ever. Your coulds and maybes and anything is possible attitudes are why horrible people lead lives they do without fear of consequences. Victims of assault and abuse publicly and domestically should not warn those that their attackers come into contact with? Shame on you. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14flnwv/update_i_made_it_so_they_wont_ever_get_a_job_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 21, 2023** So, it’s been a little while since I made my last post and I received so much support. I’d like to thank every one who was able to show sympathy with me and even those that challenged me respectfully. I’d first like to clear some things. Yes, part of me wants to put them through the pain I went through and is enjoying the experience but it was their chosen paths that made me made the post. Becky should not be responsible for some one else’s mental health. I fear it for who ever she is charged with. Katie too. I have not been able to leave my house because of them and my pets are my only solace. I would hate for them to be in her hands. I am not trying to make them jobless forever, just not with these jobs. The other girl is a hairdresser and I have mentioned her to no one. I don’t have them on social media but a friend of mine shared Katies post so I saw it on my feed. That lead me down a hole. I am aware that I still have alot to fix within myself. I am not perfect person and I know the rage I feel needs to be overcome but I am not there yet. People tell me to move on and forgive but I am not ready to move on and I don’t want to forgive them. Forgiveness is always the victim’s burden when the perpetrators deal with no consequences. They may want to forget me but the scars I have are not going away. Maybe I will forget them someday. But not any time soon. I would also like to apologise to whoever read my comments. I got quite personal in some and memories were suddenly fresh in my mind. I was replying from a place of hurt and I apologise. However, to those saying that Becky could have been genuine in her apology, I’d like to point out that you do not know these girls. I knew them very well for over a decade of our lives so I know when they are lying. They did so to me and our tutors well enough me to learn. Now, to the update. I reached out to my old school for access to my school files and have been speaking with the new administrators of the school and after some time they found my files. I was worrying that they would not be named by name but they were. Some of them had to be because they could have become police charges if my mother opted. The later instances were less named because it was assumed who did it. I only want these files in case they refute my claims. I also did what many kind comments suggested and saved Beckys messages to me admitting to what she had done. I have been contacted again by a private facility asking to keep evidence and Beckys father contacted me. I couldn’t read his message because of the fear but one I did I felt a bit guilty. He said that Becky was panicking and he had looked up the post. He did not know the extent of what happened and apologised to me for not stopping her. I knew he was true because he did not ask me to take it down and accepted it. He was a decent man and I do not want him shamed by this to our community. I have relayed every thing to my therapist who was very excited but offered caution as I thought he would. Every body is different and for once I am feeling a bit better. He cautions to use this as a tool and not a crutch. But speaking publicly is a breakthrough. I have decided to keep the post up because I do not like the idea of them caring for vulnerable creatures. I have made it public and will keep their names to be shown in a google search. I will also be sending prints to our local hospitals and shelters. If, in the future, I see that they have genuinely changed and they reach out with a genuine apology, I like to believe I’d be moved to take it down. That all depends on how far I come in therapy and how remorseful they come to be. These people, right now at the least, cannot be trusted around those in the field and I am doing my best to help others from living my life. Some will say I’m being selfish, petty, harsh and, as one comment said a loser. But these people are not me and have not been through what I have. They will never understand the hurt I have endured and the fear I have for their charges. Those who are saying they could have changed do not realise the situation. You may think a leopard can change his spots but he’ll always be a leopard. He cannot be trusted around prey, like these people cannot be trusted around vulnerable people and animals. Thank you all for your support. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** No-Appearance1145 >Sometimes i forget that i didn't forgive my father for abusing me. I have little plans here and there to make his life miserable in the future much like OP. I feel like people conflate accepting what happened and forgiveness too much OOP replied >This is what my therapist mentioned in my session. Very true. He explained it better than me but said that acceptance is a journey but forgiveness is not controllable. In other words, you cannot make yourself forgive people only work on the journey of accepting it happened * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I made it so they won’t ever get a job in their chosen degree

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ptw1e/i_made_it_so_they_wont_ever_get_a_job_in_their/

14q3ff4

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Grasstalker. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!weird and confusing, but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14cg0ni/aita_for_asking_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_make_his_parents_get/)**: June 18, 2023** I (F32) am getting married in less than a week to my soon-to-be husband (M34). On the day itself, I’m planning on getting ready with a few friends at home. Currently we have our in-laws visiting from another country, so they’re staying at our house. My MIL got injured and has trouble walking lately, so we ended up making her and FIL stay in our bedroom that’s downstairs, while we are currently sleeping in the guest bedroom upstairs. It’s not a big problem, but I have to admit that I’m not fond of not having access to my own room and clean clothes when I want to. I’m very independent, so being dependant on other people’s schedules has always bothered me. I don’t need a lot of sleep. So I go to bed late and early. My fiancé and his parents are opposites - they go to bed early and like to sleep in. So I am waiting for around 4-5 hours every day to get my clean clothes, because by the time I start thinking about getting clean clothes for the next day, they’ve already gone to bed. It is extremely hard for me to walk in on someone sleeping and I just hate to do it. It’s also partly because I feel like I’m a guest in my own house and I need to walk on tip-toes to not disturb anyone. They’ve only been staying here for about a a week, so I’ll survive their stay, but I’m starting to get get stressed out because of the wedding. My fiancé has also been gone for the past 4 days (he had to travel for his wedding suit and then he had his bachelor party), so I’ve had to do all wedding related stuff, clean up after his parents, play a good host and also file taxes and do my job. It’s a bit much and on top of that, I’ve recently found out that I’m 9 weeks pregnant and I’m suffering from terrible exhaustion and morning sickness (all day). I feel myself being more irritable because I’m constantly sick/nauseous. So I’m not sure if my hormones are all whack because I’m pregnant and I’m truly being unreasonable, or if I’m actually justified in my feelings. So here’s where I am the potential asshole: I spoke to my fiancé yesterday and I asked him to tell his parents to rise early on the day of the wedding, so I can have access to my things and not have to worry about waiting for them for several hours. He called me selfish and said that I couldn’t ask that of people. I hate to pull the “but it’s our wedding day” card, but I feel like I’m not being unreasonable asking them to do this for my stress-levels. So, AITA for wanting my MIL and FIL to get up early on the wedding day, so I will have full access to my own bedroom and things without feeling like I’m not allowed in there? **Edit:** Okay, so I think I’ve been a bit unclear. I’m currently frustrated because of the clothing issues, but I readily admit that it’s due to my own bad planning; there’s no excuse, I’ve just been swamped and I’m frustrated at myself for this. I provided this context because I thought this + my hormones/nausea might be clouding my judgement. What I’m actually asking for is to have my master bathroom on the morning of the wedding day. In order to save money on makeup and hair, I have two good friends helping me get ready the day of the wedding. We would therefore need the space to fit three people and the upstairs bathroom only fits one person. We would start around 8:30-ish, because I have to leave the house around 12. As things currently are, I have enough space in the guest bathroom for my daily routine, because I don’t wear makeup (thank you accutane!) on normal days and don’t need to do much to my hair other than brush and braid it. So I’m not asking for the space until Saturday morning and I’m not blaming my in-laws for me allowing them to stay in our bedroom. They are wonderful people, but they have lived incredibly hard lives and this is their first vacation in 20+ years (for family, economic and health related reasons), which is why I have been hesitant to be anything but accommodating towards them. I hope this clears things up a bit! :-) **2nd edit:** I am not on accutane currently and haven’t been for more than six years! Accutane is extremely potent and very dangerous to take if you’re trying to become pregnant or if you are pregnant. If you have a doctor that doesn’t test you for pregnancy regularly while you’re on accutane, then you should really get a second opinion. :-) ***Relevant Comments:*** *What is MIL's injury and could this be a ploy to get the bedroom?* "She has a heart condition, asthma and arthritis which all makes it super hard for her to keep super active, even though she tries. This means that she has pulled a muscle in her calf and has a pinched nerve or maybe even something more serious (happened during her flight over here, from AU to Europe). There is definitely no ploy and she offered to sleep on the couch instead, which I absolutely would not allow her to do, given her arthritis." *Why can't your fiancé get them a hotel room?* "Because my fiancé hasn’t seen his parents in over 3,5 years, since they are from AU and we live in Europe. So he asked if I was okay with them staying with us because he wanted to spend time with them (even if his insanely horrible planning had him away for 4 days…🙄)." *Is this out of character for your fiancé?* "Because it’s an out of character thing for him; he’s usually very supportive and kind to me, but I know he’s been very worried about his mother. So I also know that this response is partly because he doesn’t understand the amount of preparation that goes into getting ready for a wedding (he thought I could get ready in half an hour, since I can normally get ready in 15-ish minutes) and because he just doesn’t want to inconvenience his mother due to her health issues." *You said he misses his parents yet also is gone all the time. What gives?* "My fiancé is a horrible planner and I already have had many disagreements with him on this, especially regarding the wedding. He spent 4 days away due to an amalgamation of unfortunate events AND his bad planning. He left for Berlin where he is getting his suit made (we do not live in Germany) because that’s where I had my dress made (I found a specific designer and fell in love with the dress) and he had been burnt by several tailors (not a good fit/not delivered on time etc.) in our own country. We were both supposed to go to Berlin to get our suit + dress two weekends ago; my dress was ready, his tailor fucked up and didn’t have the right suit delivered. So he had to go this week instead. His bad planning, however, was that he left the early afternoon before and then spent the following day at the tailor’s and then missed his plane (the last plane out of Berlin for the day…) and had to wait an additional day before he got home in the evening. The next day (yesterday) he went to his bachelor party. He knows that I’m stressed because of his insane lack of planning and I told him as much the day he got home - he was patient, remorseful and apologised. I can’t really fault him for having a bachelor party or for the tailor not coming through for him until last minute, though. But that being said; I will have a serious word with him when I get home about needing more support from him. I’ve been out all day running errands while he has taken his parents for a bit of sight-seeing - which I don’t mind in this case, but I also don’t need the added stress of playing a tour-guide the week before the wedding (and I’ve told him as much when their travel dates were confirmed)." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): June 19 (Next Day)** First of all, thank you all for your comments and advice! :-) It really meant a lot and I followed some of it. I talked to my in-laws yesterday evening and asked if they would mind terribly to spend the night before the wedding at my own parent’s place, since they are driving with my parents to the church anyway. They were super gracious and didn’t mind one bit - my MIL even said that I needed all the time I could get and that “it is always the best to get out of the bride’s hair on her special morning, so she can have plenty of time to get ready without distractions!”. So yeah, they are incredibly good and kind people and anyone would be blessed to call them their in-laws. I wish that was where the story ended, but it is not. This morning my (maybe ex) fiancé and I have had a huge fight over me snapping at him because he left food and coffee out which made me vomit due to morning sickness. At the end of it, he told me: “If you can’t drop the attitude, maybe you shouldn’t even bother showing up on Saturday at all.” I started crying and asked him if he was serious. He said yes - so I started ugly-crying/sobbing and asked him again if he was serious. He said yes. I asked him again if he truly was serious and if he truly felt like he wanted me to not show up. He said yes again. I’m still sobbing the entire time, but I somehow managed to get the words out that I was sorry he felt that way and that he didn’t want to marry me anymore. I told that, that since he felt that he didn’t want to marry me he should have his ring back. So I gave him the engagement ring back and he just didn’t react at all. Absolutely nothing to read on his face, it was like he didn’t care at all and I wasn’t even there. I’ve been driving for a few hours (I’ve luckily taken this week off of work, so I don’t need to worry about that today) and I’m currently writing this at a gas station. So far I haven’t heard anything from him - it’s been more than three hours since I started driving. I don’t even know what to do. I am devastated and still crying uncontrollably. Of all the scenarios I ever imagined for this week, my fiancé (a man I have two dogs, a house and baby on the way with) asking me to not show up to our wedding was not one of them. I am just too hurt to even process what the hell is going on right now and what the hell I should do going forward. I wish I had a happier update, but yeah. Sorry guys. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Someone asks about the pregnancy and how she's doing:* "Thank you for the warm wishes; I’m a bit numb after crying for around 4 hours now (just stopped at a McDonald’s and I’m having a sundae with sprinkles on it - not the best breakfast at 10 AM, but I feel like I deserve it today), but I’m pretty sure it’s either I work it out with him or I don’t have the child. I would not be fit to be a single mother (I need someone to support me through the early childhood, I just know it), so I’m not sure if his parents will be in my life. I hope so, but I’m not really holding out my hopes for anything right now. All I can think about is how out of character this is for him (both calling me selfish and now this) and I have no clue or context as to why." *More on how out of character this is:* "Well, it’s been pretty extreme the past week, but I think he’s been off for a few weeks (I thought it was just the stress of the wedding and everything in our lives becoming very “adult”). I know that people will think he is cheating, but I don’t think he is. He is neither the type, nor has he had the time, not even at his bachelor’s. Plus, some of my friends (they met him through me) were at his bachelors and they are not the type to shut up about suspected infidelity - especially not my childhood best friend, who was also in attendance." *More on the fight:* "I couldn’t write the full version of the fight, but essentially it’s this: I suggested I should maybe stay with my parents for a few days, because we were both getting very upset at each other so easily and maybe it was all just too stressful. He then said “maybe you should just stay there until Saturday. Or better yet, if you can’t drop the attitude maybe you shouldn’t even bother showing up on Saturday at all.” I asked him if he was being serious and he said yes, he was. I then asked what he meant and he said “if you can’t stop behaving like this, then maybe you should fuck off to your parents, stay there and stay away on Saturday.” That’s when I started sobbing. So I kept asking him if he was serious and truly felt that way and he just replied yes. I went into the car, cried for ten minutes and then went back into the house to ask him a final time. He still said yes and that’s when I gave him the ring back. In case he didn’t mean that he didn’t want to get married, I feel like he had more than one opportunity to say that I was misunderstanding him - at the very least, he could have said something when I gave him the ring back." **Update 2 (Same Post): June 20, 2023 (2 days from OG Post)** Hey guys! First of all: thank you, thank you, thank you for all the well-wishes and comments! You guys have truly warmed my heart!❤️I’ve reached the word limit on this, so I’ve put a more detailed update in the comments, but essentially I’m doing OK! **Update in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14cg0ni/aita_for_asking_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_make_his_parents_get/jotebsn/?context=3)**: June 20, 2023** Holy hell, guys! These past two days have been a rollercoaster!! First of all: thank you all SO much!! There have been so many kind responses and well-wishes that I’ve been completely floored. I know everybody says this, but it truly means a lot to know that there are people out there rooting for you. Thank you from the bottom of my (very tired) heart!!❤️ I am okay; I am safe, I am warm, I am fed and I’m (generally) feeling fine. I am back home with my dogs and my own bed. The (still-to-be-determined maybe ex) AH fiancé is staying on the couch and trying not to look like a wounded dog. Apparently, he realised his fuck up the minute I gave him the ring back and has told me he basically didn’t compute what the hell was going on, which was why he didn’t react. He has described it as an out-of-body experience. He didn’t really understand what was going on until his parents were yelling at him a few minutes later. They had overheard our fight and were very upset with him. In the end, they ended up contacting me, telling me that he was driving around looking for me and had forgotten his phone and if I was okay (mildly put, they are technologically impaired and had a hard time unlocking AH fiancé’s phone to find my number). I ended up driving most of the day and coming back to the house around dinner time - AH to-be-determined-if-he-still-is fiancé had come home in the mean time and written me a wall of text apologising and begging me to talk to him. He word-vomited his apology and admitted to being freaked out about everything (especially the pregnancy happening so fast) and he called himself a self-sabotaging idiot. He also said that he did not mean what he said at all. Basically, his AH response was because he misheard me when I had said that his parents didn’t deserve him being away for four days, as though I had said his parents didn’t deserve to be in our house. So he reacted so strongly because he thought I was insulting his parents (not that it is a valid excuse, but it does clear up why his response was so out-of-character). He also admitted to me that after seeing his mother’s bad health he has been extremely worried about her and he is afraid that she is dying, so he has dealt with extreme guilt for leaving them for the 4 days. I barely spoke when he apologised, which then made him cry (first time I’ve ever seen him cry) and beg for a chance to make it up to me. He already started by asking if he should find himself a hotel room so I had the house, or if I preferred to stay at a fancy spa hotel or how I wanted to do things. I decided that he could sleep on the couch for the time being. At least he, without any hesitation or being told to do so have been running weddings errands all day and sent me a message that he will do all wedding-related stuff unless I want to do anything. He also looked up couple’s therapy and has sent me a few options for dates - unfortunately none of them are until next week or after, but he has said he wants us to go no matter what, if I end up giving him a chance to make things right. So, his parents are basically shunning him/not talking to him and I’m still making my mind up on whether or not to go through with the wedding. I haven’t accepted my ring back yet (he did ask me if I thought I would ever consider marrying him again at any point, giving what he had said), but I’ve decided that I’m definitely having a party on Saturday. The question is whether or not I’d like to have him there, as well. All in all, this is a roller coaster and I feel like I’m still free-falling. The hormones don’t help, either. At least I can relax today and finally catch up on some Diablo IV, since AH still-to-be-determined-if-he-is fiancé is taking care of the wedding stuff. Phew! Thank you again, everybody! ***Relevant Comments:*** "I can tell that he is definitely genuinely remorseful and not just because he fucked up - he owned up to all of his mistakes without me needing to point them out and even said that he was so disgusted with his own behaviour, that he didn’t understand how he could have even done it. So I trust him when he says that he loves me - but I’m not sure I trust that he won’t self-sabotage again. I did tell him that he had definitely broken my trust and that I have to wrap my head around whether or not I could regrow that trust ever, because I will never let him treat me like that again - I’m not even sure I will let him do it this time." *Someone advises her to take a pause, and at least get a pre-nup:* "Jättebra råd! Takk - virkeligt, takk!! **(editor's note-** google says this means "Great advice! Thank you - really, thank you!!") Luckily we have already signed a pre-nup; I have to get a separate portion for særeje (a Danish term for one’s individually owned assets) because I have a sick brother whom I’ll inherit and manage money on behalf of. So if we do end up divorcing, I’ll only have to split the house and whatever we bring into the marriage afterwards. So I’m not tied to my (maybe) fiancé on other fronts than the house and possible assets we buy together. And yeah, I definitely have given pause to any sort of reconciliation. The only reason I’m even considering it is because he’s never been this way before. I have very good instincts when it comes to people, so I doubt he would have been able to hide an abusive side from me this long (because my parents are both narcissistic, so I have learnt to spot them and avoid them pretty fast)." **Most Recent** [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14cg0ni/aita_for_asking_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_make_his_parents_get/joy3ekk/?context=3)**/Update from OOP:** "Wait, it’s on TikTok now? Oh god! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my bathroom dilemma turning into all of this.🥲 I am still contemplating what to do. I honestly have never been so much in doubt. My gut feeling is telling me to forgive him and try to work through this together, but my rational brain is working against me and is telling me it’s dumb AF." **UPDATE FROM OOP (She DMed me. Thanks Grasstalker!!!)** Thank you for taking an interest in my post (sounds very business-like, haha!). I have been truly overwhelmed by all the love, advice and just generally people being extremely supportive in the comments. It has truly tugged on my heartstrings and I’m normally pretty stoic. You’re more than welcome to share this comment as an update, if you’d like to! The TL;DR version is that I chose to marry my fiancé (now husband) and that we have started going to therapy (couples and individual) and things are moving forward and I’m no longer in doubt as to how sorry he is and how much he truly wants to change - at the very least, I have no doubt that no matter what the outcome is he will be a good father, even if we end up not making it. So while it will be some time before my trust in him will be restored, I am a resourceful woman and I’ll be damned if I let this break me forever. I’ve chosen to give it a shot, because even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll at least not regret not trying (he has never done anything like this to hurt me, ever, after all). Now for the long version! I started by simply refusing to fix any more wedding-related things. I did absolutely nothing except for cry and relax until the day before the wedding; my fiancé did his best to soldier on and we talked a bit every day, but I was never pushed for a decision or rushed to feel a certain way. The decision was mine to make, after all, and my fiancé knows that when I’m emotionally overwhelmed I need SPACE and time to process my emotions. So I took the time I needed and the day before the wedding, after he had dropped his parents off at mine, we talked. We laid everything out in the open. I told him I was worried about the future and I was thinking about an abortion, because I couldn’t go through with having a baby alone. He finally came clean to me about all the stress he’s been carrying lately. He is currently working two jobs because of an overlap of a previous consulting contract and his full-time job (he normally loves what he does, so he accepted this knowing it wasn’t permanent, but he was sure he would be fine) and with all the extra things we have had to focus on, he has been trying to manage it all. I have asked him how he is feeling several times (I keep checking in with him because I see how much having two jobs affect him), but he has always said he is “fine”. I’ve obviously known he was lying, but being pregnant and also stretched thin I probably haven’t been as supportive of a partner as I could have been, as well. It was a powder keg waiting to explode, I think. Since (and during) our talk he has been apologising profusely, especially for not sharing his burdens. I have had my fair share of mental issues, so he knows that I value communication and honesty above all else, because I never want people to think that they have to sit with their issues all alone, like I have had to throughout most of my life. Which in turn made him feel worse, because he was now hiding it from me, to protect me. It’s not an excuse, but it gave me some insight as to why he acted the way he did. He definitely has some issues he needs to address and he has been addressing them, now both with mine and our therapists help. After our talk, I decided that I did trust him enough to marry him - I am in the fortunate position that I know he can’t hurt me financially and I’ve been through enough in my life to know that I can make it on my own (plus having a family full of lawyers and an existing pre-nup helps), if all goes to hell. But, more importantly, I know he isn’t a bad guy so I trust that no matter what happens between us, he will be there for our child. He is a wonderful dog-father and has helped his parents raise his nephew. We got married and it was actually a wonderful day. Logically it is extremely weird how natural and easy it was for me to just let things go for the day and I realised that I do want to try and fix this mess. He has never given me any reason to doubt him before this whole incident (even though I hate how much of a bad planner he is) and he hasn’t given me a reason since (I know it hasn’t been more than two weeks), so I’m pretty optimistic at this point. I know a lot of people will warn me and call me foolish; but I trust my instincts and my ability to survive enough to know that no matter what happens, I will land on my feet again and even if he turns out to be a shit father, I now know that I have several people in my life to help me out with a child, if I need them to. So all in all; I have decided to trust enough to work through our crisis and rebuild our relationship. Realistically it takes much, much longer than two weeks, but you have to start somewhere. Again, I want to thank EVERY SINGLE one who left a comment, advice or just simple spared a thought. People have been so kind and I can tell you that it helped me so much in what I consider one of my darkest hours. You are such caring, wonderful people and I just don’t have the words. thank you so very much! **Thank you for responding and taking the time to tell us! I truly wish you and your husband (and the baby!) the best moving forward.**

AITA for asking my fiancé to make his parents get up early?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14q3ff4/aita_for_asking_my_fiancé_to_make_his_parents_get/

14q4gyd

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/AverageHungry6981 **in** r/povertyfinance trigger warnings: >!police!< mood spoilers: >!bummer!< [**Teenage son messed up big time and I am afraid of what happens next**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/1332w73/teenage_son_messed_up_big_time_and_i_am_afraid_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 04/29/2023 Throwaway because I’m ashamed to have this linked to my main. My son is 17 and just started driving. He used my car (a Honda Civic) to go to and from school sometimes. I was at home this week when 3 police cars came in our driveway and officers were banging on our door. Turns out my son rear ended a vehicle and drove away. To make it even worse, the driver was a cop in his personal truck. It took maybe 15 minutes from the incident to when they came knocking. The hit truck has no damage. It was a tap at maybe 15mph into his towing hitch. Our Civics license plate is bent and there is some bumper damage. The truck driver filed an insurance claim with our insurance. My son admitted fault. There is also video footage of everything. I am beyond freaked out and haven’t slept since. I scolded my son but there is so much I can do now. He says he freaked out about hitting an expensive new truck and just drove off. I explained how wrong that was. What I am more concerned about is that the driver pressed charges to “teach this kid a lesson”. The cops on scene said it’s up to the other driver if he wants this charged and he chose to. We were told my son will be formally charged on Monday by the prosecutor and possibly arrested. Fleeing the scene of an accident is an arrestable offense here and it carries jail time too. I’m scared shitless. I’m a single mom. I can’t afford to pay lawyers to keep my son out of prison when we barely afford rent, food, and bills. I know my insurance rates will be fucked for years to come. His too probably. What do we do here? Thanks *multiple rule breaking comments trying to "help" OOP get out of the situation, OOP response:* >I don’t mean to be rude to anyone helping here but this is all wrong. As much as I want it to not be true, my son left the scene of an accident. I explicitly said it’s on camera and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t lie to police to cause more problems. &#x200B; [**Update to my teenage son’s hit & run situation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/135ro9a/update_to_my_teenage_sons_hit_run_situation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 05/01/2023 I really appreciated everyone’s input and words, some good, some bad. We’ve been a ball of stress since last week. He was officially charged with leaving the scene of an accident and fined for failure to maintain speed. I spoke to a few lawyers around town and they all agreed there is zero chance the DA will drop the charge. Our county is very tough on crime and they are campaigning on it. The DA refused any agreement (plea?). They have lots of video evidence from the truck’s front & back dash cameras, a gas station, and an intersection camera. Our focus is to try and get probation instead of jail time. I need to come up with a few hundred for the fine and $1500 for the lawyer. That’s in addition to the insurance rates that will definitely go up. As a kicker, my insurance has “small accident forgiveness” for damages lower than $500. The insurance estimate for the truck’s damaged hitch came out to $504. They also want to suspend my son’s license, so he won’t be able to go to/from any job that isn’t close by. We live in a really spread out area where a car is basically mandatory. I am just so upset with him and his decision making. Trying to keep it together and work our way out of this but it’s frustrating. After watching the video I got even more mad. He clearly realized he hit the truck, then drove around it, and off he went. Ugh! *OOP comments:* >don’t get me wrong, I’m upset about it all, but relieved it’s $500 and not $70,000. The truck was new and expensive. I explained that to my son. Had he totaled that truck, we wouldn’t have had enough coverage. [**Last update to my son’s hit & run!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/13yf5y4/last_update_to_my_sons_hit_run/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 06/02/2023 If this isn’t allowed, please let me know. I wanted to update everyone with what has happened since and ask some actual finance questions finally. The crime he’s been charged is a Class B misdemeanor. The maximum penalty is 6 months in jail and up to $2000 fine. The prosecutor has asked for the max on both. We worked with an attorney who told us from the get go that this case won’t be dropper and best we can hope for is a lower punishment. I spent countless hours dealing with this. Our attorney was able to negotiate 5 months in county jail and a $1,500 fine. That’s all the prosecution would budge on. The alternative was the full 6 months in jail and $1,000. Attorney advised that we should take it because a judge would throw the max penalty in this county, especially since there’s clear footage and really nothing to dispute or excuse the crime. Other lawyers had the same opinion. My son is freaking out and scared shitless about jail time and now having a criminal record. He’s been crying and just a mess. That’s besides the finance aspect, so anyway. Financially, this has put us in a deeper hole than we were before. Now my son won’t be able to work during the summer because he’ll be in jail. He’s missing the college start because of it too. We need to come up with: $1,500 fine + $1,000 lawyer fees + $350 misc court fees. I don’t have any available credit lines, so I’ll have to start borrowing or working an extra job. The biggest unknown is insurance. They might drop us after this. If not, I need to also factor in the premium increase at the next renewal, which will probably be a lot. It’s definitely a big lesson for him (and me too I guess, since I never thought to explain he shouldn’t drive off after hitting someone/something). *Comments:* Fictionalust: >Ask for the case to be moved to a different county...like seriously.. OOP Replied: >On what grounds? What reasons can we invoke? Babel\_Triumphant Added: >The recommendation of moving the trial is a reddit-tier bad legal advice comment. In Texas, you have to prove either a local conspiracy or specific local media attention against a defendant to the point that they cannot receive a fair trial in order to get a change of venue. In the end, the cop doesn't decide on the sentence and neither does the prosecutor (unless there's an agreement). In a contested trial, regardless of the plea, punishment is set by the judge or by a jury, at the defendant's choice - it doesn't appear that there's reason to doubt that he could have a fair jury in your jurisdiction.As tempting as it is to listen to contrary opinions of people on the internet with nothing to lose in your situation, if you've already spoken to multiple local attorneys absolutely listen to them. Source: I'm a prosecutor in Texas &#x200B; *Other Comments:* condoronto: >As someone from an entirely other jurisdiction & someone who's worked "in the system," this is crazy. Assuming there's nothing more to the story, this is exactly what diversion programs, probation, license suspension, community service, additional training, restitution are for. Your son likely would've been the perfect candidate for any and all of those (especially given your single parent status). Again, assuming we're not being given a half story here, I would label this as "making criminals out of kids." Obviously I'm not familiar with the laws there, and I generally don't advocate for denying culpability despite being guilty, but assuming a criminal record is as damaging as I suspect it might be, I'd roll the dice on a trial (or as another Redditor indicated, sentence by jury). 0.x% chance it gets thrown/more lenient sentence by jury totally worth the risk of max penalty (being 1 additional month versus plea) in my not-so-expert Reddit opinion. ProletarianParka's Reply: >I am a criminal defense attorney. This does not sound abnormal to me, it really depends on the jurisdiction. I have seen two individuals with same charge and same lack of criminal history in county x and county y. County X has a "progressive" prosecutor. County Y is tough on crime. In one case the outcome is a fine. In another a year in jail. The difference? Three miles and an imaginary border. You can get a second attorney opinion but they will know the judge and jx and likely outcome over a lawyer from another region or people on Reddit. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Teenage son messed up big time and I am afraid of what happens next + FINAL UPDATE

NEW UPDATE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14q4gyd/teenage_son_messed_up_big_time_and_i_am_afraid_of/

14qfnie

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13yl0ld/tifu_by_doing_my_own_makeup_before_my_best/) by u/themediumplaced in r/tifu on 02 Jun 2023 **TIFU by doing my own makeup before my best friend's wedding** This actually happened today. Approximately 30 minutes ago to be exact. I'm currently writing this in an Uber on my way to the airport and my face looks like [this](https://imgur.com/a/Hh0Wxo0). Allow me to explain how I got into this situation. I was asked by my best friend a couple months ago to be the best man at his wedding. As he was my best friend and has been since college, I readily accepted. The only thing that's a bit difficult is that I live several states away from him. No big deal, I was planning his bachelor party in Vegas anyway. Amazingly, the bachelor party went off without a hitch and I was looking forward to the wedding this Sunday (still am). I ended up staying up way too late last night and into the early hours of this morning getting everything I needed to ready for this weekend (a task in which my ADHD did not help). Anyway, I basically stayed up until 6 am this morning getting everything ready and by the time I was done, I was exhausted. I still had about 5 hours before I had to leave for the airport and figured it would be a good idea to take a power nap to recharge a bit so I could be good for tonight's festivities. When I opened my eyes, I checked my phone and saw that I was already 20 minutes past the time I was supposed to leave for the airport! I bolted out of bed and started to get dressed as fast as I could. I quickly threw on some shorts and a shirt and then started hopping on one foot trying to get my socks on. While my right sock slid on easily, my left sock was being a pain to do while I was hopping up and down. Suddenly, for reasons unknown, I landed wrong and rolled my ankle. As I came crashing to the floor, I also managed to crack my eyebrow off the tiles. With no time to lose, I quickly finished getting dressed and grabbed my bags and tux and left. Now, I'm riding in the back of an Uber with a light blue golf ball of swelling hanging off my eyebrow less than 36 hours from my best friend saying his vows. I am praying that the swelling goes down and I avoid looking like Rocky for his wedding. Wish me luck! TL;DR: I overslept and managed to smack eye off the floor less than 36 hours from being the best man in my best friend's wedding, likely giving myself some natural eyeshadow for the event. Edit: Evidently my eye wasn't bruised enough yet for the title to make sense. Don't worry everyone, [I have my natural eye shadow now.](https://imgur.com/a/e8m0Y3G) ------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/143ca9u/tifupdate_by_failing_to_put_on_socks_and_ruining/) by u/themediumplaced in r/tifu on 07 Jun 2023 **TIFUpdate by failing to put on socks and ruining a wedding** This is an update to a previous TIFU I posted a few days ago. If you didn’t read the first one, I’ll do my best to summarize it. I stayed up late getting my bags packed for a wedding I was the best man in this past weekend. I ended up going to bed in the early hours of the morning and accidently overslept to the point that I woke up on the alarm telling me it was time to leave for the airport. As I was throwing on my clothes as fast as I could, I was hopping around trying to get a pair of socks on. After getting one on successfully, I came down awkwardly on my ankle on my last hop, crashing to my floor and smacking my eye off the tile. Unfortunately, as I was in a rush, I had no opportunity to grab an ice pack or anything cold to try to avoid a black eye. By the time I got to the plane, I had a purple lump the size of a golf ball covering half my eye. By the time I got to the hotel several hours later, my eye looked like someone stuck a plum on top of it. Despite getting a decent amount of ice on it during my travels and the night before, I still had a nasty-looking shiner the next morning. It was completely swollen shut and we had the rehearsal dinner that night. After breaking the unsightly news to the bride and groom (the former pissed, the latter pissing himself laughing), we decided that even though there would still be a ton of swelling, makeup would be the best option to cover it for the rehearsal dinner and wedding the day after. They would just do what they could to hide my Quasimodo eye as much as possible. This seemed like a decent solution and the bride even let the makeup artist doing her makeup to fix me up. By the time she was done, you could barely notice the bruising (though the swelling was a very different story). I was even lucky that my eye could open up a crack by the time the rehearsal dinner started. Unfortunately, I noticed my eye pretty quickly swell back shut after the makeup was applied. It was around the same time that my eye started to itch like crazy underneath the makeup and while I tried to ignore it, I ended up needing to take the makeup off halfway through dinner and taking a Benadryl. I had discovered that I am allergic to makeup. Now that I knew how badly I would react to makeup, I told my best friend, the groom, that there was no way I could wear makeup for the actual wedding, offering to wear sunglasses or an eyepatch instead. While I wasn’t there for the conversation, I was later told that the bride was really upset, but said in no uncertain terms that she “wasn’t going to have a f*cking pirate in her wedding.” When I woke up on Sunday, [the swelling had gone down a bit, but the bruising had gotten much darker](https://imgur.com/a/qiqPoYn). While makeup would have been ideal for then, there was no way I’d be able to deal with the allergic reaction I was going to have. So, I showed up to the reception with a black tux and even blacker eye. Things seemed to go off without a hitch for the most part, though I saw the bride’s smile fade a bit when me made eye contact while she was walking down the eye. There was also some insistence that I turn the bruised side of my face away for most of the pictures, although the groom featured it prominently in our pictures with the other groomsmen. I really didn’t think it ended up being that big of a deal until one of the bridesmaids pulled me aside and cursed me out for not doing more to hide it. Evidently, the bride was really upset and had shed some tears in the bathroom after the pictures saying I had ruined them. Now, several days later, I texted my best friend to see how the honeymoon is going and was told that things are good but his wife is pretty sad about how the wedding didn’t meet her expectations and my face was a big reason why. If it makes her feel any better, I am also unhappy that I look like I panda. TL;DR: I gave myself a black eye putting socks on and ruined a wedding as a result. **I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP's lack of socks ruins a wedding

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qfnie/oops_lack_of_socks_ruins_a_wedding/

14qhphg

**I am not OP. She is** u/Old-Housekeeper **and posted on** r/AITAH Trigger warning: >!Mentions of abuse and molestation of minor!< Mood spoiler: >!Hopeful!< \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/140b7cs/aitah_i_made_my_fianc%C3%A9_storm_out_of_the_house/) \- 04 June 2023 ​ I (26F) am a part time housekeeper. I go to night school to finish my degree. I have a fiancé, Kenny (29M), who is a mechanic. The problem started between us almost recently. I have been asking Kenny to help me with the household chores more. But every time he gives excuses that he is busy or tired all day after dealing with cars. I get his job is a physically demanding jobs but so is mine. I clean houses during the day and have to attend my classes in the evening. I only have 1 year left and lately we are thinking about marriage. So, I am working extra hard for that. Kenny doesn't think my job is that hard. He always says I am just weak and lazy that I complain about cleaning houses. We have had multiple fights about it but every time we would resolve it. This week, I asked him if he could clean the kitchen because I have work load and my exams are near. He refuses because he claims he works more than I do. And just because I am a housekeeper I should do it. He then tried to justify his reply by telling me that if our car broke down he would fix it because he is a mechanic, so since I am a housekeeper I should do it. I tried many ways to explain how physically demanding my job is. Many people think housekeeping and cleaners or organizers do nothing for society but the truth is different. We make a house livable. And it takes times and sometimes hours to do so. It is physically and emotionally draining and not to mention how underappreciative some people can be. But no, the fight just escalated. Lastly the thing that made me want to throw him out was when he said "I don't see why you have a problem. My mom had 7 kids and still had a squeaky clean house. You on the other hand are making excuses. It's not like your job is hard. It's just cleaning houses. If you can do it in other places why not here. Try working as a mechanic." I told him I need space from him and he stormed out. He and I haven't talked. Did I go too far? ***Some comments:*** *OOP gives more description of her job:* >I clean 3-4 houses normally. Some times even more. That day I had to clean 4 houses and had classes too. It was tiring. Yes, I do like cleaning but it comes with a price. *Someone commented: "He decided you've been together long enough that he can drop the act and you won't leave."* *OOP responded:* >He lives in my house that I got from my aunt. I can leave if I want to but not without a fight. I know it is easy to end a relationship. But growth takes time. I want to solve this issue. *Some important comment:* "My dad's aunt was a housekeeper and a cleaner and no, it is NOT an easy job. You have to deep clean everything which includes removing furniture and cleaning under them. You have to wipe the surfaces with different cleaning solutions. I have seen many tiktoks of housekeepers saying how it takes them hours to clean a house. Not to mention some houses are deep in dirt that hasn't been cleaned for months. Also organizing is a great skill. Organization makes life easier. There is relation between proper organization and better mental health so these jobs are not easy. He is just an AH if he thinks these jobs are easy." "Girl are you kidding me right now?! Kick him to the curb. I’ve had my cleaning business for 15 years and it’s the hardest most rewarding job I’ve ever had. 3-4 houses a day is no joke! Then to come home and have this asshat talk like that to you! The nerve. Kenny is a man child that should go back home to his perfect mommy. Don’t you dare let him treat you like this. Plus your in school? Nope, you are better off without someone who thinks so little of you. Because that what he is saying, your unimportant and that my friend is grade A bullshit. Stand up for yourself. You are a hard worker don’t EVER let ANYONE talk down to you when you are kicking ass! Be strong sista, you only get one life, why live like this?" ***OOP posted on her actual page the next day that she discovered her fiancé has been cheating on her. She made a small update.*** [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/Old-Housekeeper/comments/1414y5q/it_has_been_less_than_24_hours_since_i_posted/) \- 05 June 2023 To anyone who showed me support, thank you so much. I never realized people in reddit are so kind. I was thinking about talking to him about our situation like an adult. I guess that is out of the window. Because he is not worth it. I was cleaning my neighbor's house. She is a single mom with a 20 year old daughter. She often hires me. Today as usual I was cleaning her daughter's room and I found Kenny's underwear under her bed. Also his watch. I know it is his because I got that watch last year for his birthday. It had his initials engraved on it. I have little evidence of him cheating but I think the watch and his underwear are enough. You guys are right. I don't deserve this kind of disrespect after I have practically given him shelter and food. I knew something was fishy when he didn't even come to bed last night and stormed out. Maybe he was next door. I will be taking rest of the day off to finish packing his shit in a box and will change the locks. When he comes home from work he can go live with his mistress. I am sure her mother will be proud because she herself got cheated on by her daughter's father. I am done with you. Fuck you Kenny. I hope you have AIDS. &#x200B; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/142gzy3/updateaitah_i_made_my_fianc%C3%A9_storm_out_of_the/)\- 06 June 2023 Thank you so much guys. There has been a sharp stinging inside me for a long time if I am only staying with him just because I don't want to be alone or not. But his cheating was literally the last straw for me. Link. I just wanted to let your know, he is out. I packed his shit up and threw it outside. He came home screaming and demanding I let him in. I told him to go live with his mistress. He wasn't even remorseful. He started comparing me to the 20 yr old that she is much better than me and I never satisfy him. I always let him have sex with me. Last few months I initiated a lot but he pushed me away. I am done. I talked to my neighbor, Sheila. She was shocked too. Apparently her daughter snuck him inside the house during the night and he would leave early in the morning. Sheila was pissed at her daughter. She literally berated her because her daughter has a strained relationship with her dad because he cheated on Sheila and yet she became the other woman. I felt bad for the daughter because Kenny lied to her. He told her I was abusive and never make him happy and hit him. I told her this was all a lie. She can check my security cam in the house where there has been no signs of violence. I wasn't angry at her. She is only 20. She has a lot to learn. It shows she was manipulated by Kenny. I told her I don't care if she continues to see Kenny or not. Because if she does she will see how toxic he is anyways and if she thinks she can change him then good luck. She said sorry to me and said that she couldn't control herself even though she knew she was wrong. Her mom was pissed and told her she will kick her out if she brings Kenny home. Also she was punished to clean my house for as long as the affair was going on, which is, 8 months. I know it was unnecessary but Sheila told me it is necessary to teach her daughter a lesson. For now, I am fine. I am alone. I do not have good relationship with my parents. I only had my aunt who lives in florida, the aunt that gave me the house. I guess, I will have to get used to it. I have saved up some money for the wedding. I will use that to get manicure and take some time off from cleaning. Goodbye you guys. ***Some one asked why OOP is not in contact with her parent. She replied:*** >Because my dad molested me when I was 12, my mom did nothing. She told me to keep quiet because my dad could lose his job. My only aunt called the CPS on them and removed me from their house. ***About OOP's fiancé's whereabouts:*** >He will suffer because now he has to crash with one of his friends. &#x200B; **I am not OP.**

AITAH? I made my fiancé storm out of the house because he said my job is easy.

CONCLUDED

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qhphg/aitah_i_made_my_fiancé_storm_out_of_the_house/

14qkwiu

**I am NOT OP. Original post from** r/AmItheAsshole **by** u/aita_account2167\*\*.\*\* &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **Original:** [**AITA for calling my cousin selfish because she didn't babysit my daughter?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14hu83y/aita_for_calling_my_cousin_selfish_because_she/) **(June 24, 2023)** Throwaway, I'll keep it quick. (Also you might've seen this earlier today, I tried posting but it got taken down quickly because of formatting issues, so I'm posting again) My cousin, who I'll call Ella, got married a couple of months ago. I made her wedding cake as well as almost 150 individually wrapped custom cupcakes. I have a 5 year old daughter, in return Ella was going to babysit every Friday from 9-2, so 5 hours. This started from after she came back from her honeymoon until August. Obviously if there was an emergency or something came up, I'd understand. So on Wednesday she called me up saying she couldn't make it on Friday, because her old college friends were in town and she hadn't seen them for a long time. I said this is really last minute and asked if they can just go out another day or after she babysits, but Ella said no. We argued for a bit and I eventually said she was being really selfish, making plans when she already had others. She got upset/mad at me and said I can't dictate what she does with her time, and it's only one day. We haven't talked since then. People who know of the situation are torn on it. So, AITA? &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; &#x200B; **Comments:** >INFO: did you offer for her to just pay you instead? **OP:** When she initially asked me to bake the goods for her wedding I did ask for actual payment. She asked if there was anything else she could do for me, so we worked out the babysitting deal &#x200B; >INFO: > >Did you have plans for Friday that her nearly last minute cancellation was impacting? > >Is it possible Ella's interpreted the "or something" in > >"Obviously if there was an emergency or something came up, I'd understand." > >as covering for last minute arrangements with friends she'd not seen for a long time? **OP:** I just said 'or something' for this post, I told her before if she wanted to see friends or go shopping or whatever, she needed to let me know at least a week in advance. Obviously if she falls sick or there's a last minute emergency that's different. And yes I had to call out of work so I could stay at home with my daughter, because I couldn't find anyone else to look after her so soon **OP:** It's not just cupcakes, I made the actual wedding cake as well as close to 150 custom cupcakes. I had to take time off work and bought and ordered all the supplies myself. She wanted a specific cake design that she originally took to a bakery, and they quoted just the cake would be around $1200. She didn't want to pay that much so she came to me. &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; &#x200B; **Update:** [**AITA for calling my cousin selfish because she didn't babysit my daughter?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/aita_account2167/comments/14ibb6y/update_aita_for_calling_my_cousin_selfish_because/) **(June 24, 2023, 13 hours after original post)** Okay I do have an update because I talked to Ella. I was going to make a separate update but the mods said my post isn't old enough, so I'm putting the update here and hopefully it posts. This is long so sorry in advance. I've learned my lesson - don't let people talk me into baking for them without actual money compensation. I honestly thought Ella would keep her side of the agreement. So I did talk to Ella earlier today, let her know that she went back on our agreement by not showing up yesterday. She was mad that it's only one week and it doesn't matter. Ella was aware of what the total cost would be beforehand, which is why we made this agreement in the first place because she didn't want to pay, and asked if she could do anything else. I wrote up the cost would be and what I'd charge if anyone else had made this order. She's done babysitting for be twice so far and I do think she should be compensated for that. The regular sitter I had last year charged $22 per hour so that's the payment I used for Ella. I subtracted $220 from the cake for her babysitting costs. Ella obviously knew the reason I need babysitting is because I have to go to work, which I had to call out of yesterday since I couldn't find last minute sitter. So I also added the money I lost from not going to work yesterday. Altogether the bill came out close to $1800. I sent that to Ella and said since she went back on our deal, I'm going back on it too and she needs to pay me. Well, all hell broke loose and she totally went off at me, saying this isn't fair and it's just one week she missed, and I'm treating her like any random stranger instead of family. I said if she doesn't pay, I'm going to take her to court (to be honest I don't really know if our agreement would hold up in small claims, but I do have texts that this is what was agreed to and all that). She gain got very angry at me and said I'm a shit excuse for family. I talked to her husband later as well and he told me to bring the price down, I said no because this is already less than what a bakery would charge. Ella did eventually agree to pay me back on a monthly basis over the next few months. I said I expect the first payment by the end of this month otherwise my bill goes up, or I take her to court. So yeah, I guess we'll see if she follows through with the payment. My dad is on my ass saying I'm being really greedy and this will financially hurt Ella and her husband, but at this point I don't really care because I'm already financially hurt. &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **I thought this post was interesting because when I read the title, my initial reaction was, "Absolutely you are the asshole," but then it turned out that the cousin really was being selfish! Flaired as ongoing because payment hasn't been made.**

AITA for calling my cousin selfish because she didn't babysit my daughter?

ONGOING

starchild812

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qkwiu/aita_for_calling_my_cousin_selfish_because_she/

14qn4r2

I am not OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAexgfpregant —— Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1203tdh/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_got_his_exgirlfriend_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Posted on r/relationship_advice on March 23, 2023. Throwaway account. Scroll all the way down for TLDR. I don’t even know how I got into this mess. I don’t have many friends to go to about this so I decided to come onto this sub. Starting from the beginning, I met my current boyfriend Jared (fake name) back in January of last year. We met when I started my new job and we clicked instantly. He’s funny, charming, caring, and definitely eye candy. We became super close and we hung out all the time and we would stay up all night talking on the phone for hours. At the time I met Jared, I had just gotten out of a miserable relationship with my ex-boyfriend of two years. That relationship really affected me and I was afraid to get into another relationship so I didn’t act on my feelings for Jared. Jared told me that he was willing to wait for me for as long I needed. I really appreciated that and I am so lucky to have met someone like him. Eventually, him and I finally made it official around Christmas time. Our relationship has been amazing and this is the best one I’ve ever been in. That is until a few days ago… A few days ago, Jared called me and told me that he was on his way over to my place and that he needed talk to me about something important. When he arrived, we sat down and he confessed to me that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant and the baby is his. According to him, this is how it happened: He was at the bar with a few of his buddies on Labor Day and he ran into his ex there. Apparently, he got drunk and he started to feel a bit lonely. Him and his ex began talking and flirting. Long story short, they ended up going back to his place and they slept together. His ex-girlfriend is currently seven months pregnant and up until now, he hasn’t told me. He says he kept it from me out of fear that I would leave him and because he wasn’t sure if she was being 100% truthful about the pregnancy. This has been on my mind for the past few days and I don’t know what to do. Jared has given me space to process all of this, which I appreciate. On one hand, I feel like it isn’t fair for me to be upset because him and I weren’t together. But on the other hand, it hurts that he didn’t tell me this when we first began dating. I know them having a baby doesn’t necessarily involve me and of course, the only thing that should matter in this situation is the baby but I’m not really sure where this leaves me. I’m not sure what to do and how to go about this. I’ve always been child free and the thought of being a step-mother scares me. Jared is my best friend and I love and care about him with everything in me. My heart is so confused. Please help me. I would love your advice/feedback. TLDR: My boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend slept together before we were official and she’s now seven months pregnant and he’s kept it from me all this time. —— Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/127ont0/update_my_23f_boyfriend_26m_got_his_exgirlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Posted on March 31, 2023. Hi, everyone. I decided to provide an update since something very significant has happened since my last post. Before I get into the update, I wanted to clarify some things that a few people said/had questions about. 1. Jared and his ex are not secretly together. Before the night that they slept together, they hadn’t spoken to each other in over a year. Now, it seems that they don’t really get along unless they’re discussing plans/info about the baby 2. Ex-GF did know that Jared hadn’t told me about the pregnancy. According to him, she would say things like, “You need tell her.” Or “Why are you keeping this from her?” But she never pushed him on the topic too much. 3. Jared and I began dating on the 21st of December. He slept with his ex on Labor Day (early September) he did not cheat on me. Now for the update… After doing a lot of thinking and seeing the advice I got on my last post, I realized that it isn’t in my best interest to continue being with him. Having a baby is a huge deal and it would completely shake up our relationship. I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of being a step-mother. I also don’t feel like I can trust him after he kept this from me for so long. Yesterday, I invited Jared over to my place and I sat him down to talk. I told him that I’m disappointed in him for lying and keeping this from me for so long and that I thought he was better than that. Then, I told him that while I do love him, I cannot be with him. And he actually cried, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry. Despite what everyone’s saying, Jared really is a good guy. He just did something extremely stupid and inconsiderate. By the end of the talk, both of us were in tears. It was a mess. He asked me if we could still keep in contact and possibly remain friends. I said that while I wouldn’t mind that, it would take a lot time and I told him not to contact me for a while. I wished him good luck with the baby and that was the end of it. I’m very sad and broken up about this but I’ll be okay soon. I’m planning to go out of town to visit my sister (I haven’t even told her about this situation yet) very soon so hopefully that’ll take my mind off of things. I thank you all for the advice on my last post it really did help me out. Have a great day! **Reminder: I am not OOP.**

My (23F) boyfriend (26M) got his ex-girlfriend pregnant

CONCLUDED

ashleighbeckham8

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qn4r2/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_got_his_exgirlfriend_pregnant/

14qn719

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/JusticeAndPunishment **in** r/EntitledPeople trigger warnings: >!family conflict, legal battles, loss of loved ones!< mood spoilers: >!tension, happiness!<   &#x200B; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/suxq8p/entitled_aunt_achieves_ultra_greed_status_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, Feb 17, 2022 **Little Backstory:** My aunt has always had a greedy streak ever since I was a kid. She is the type of person that will yell at a store employee because something that was advertised isn't in stock or not at that particular store or not on sale and has been banned from entering multiple stores. When my grandmother was on her deathbed my aunt had talked her way into getting my grandmother to sign her on as an executor of the will and ended up taking everything and anything that had the most value. **Fast forward:** My Uncle was my best friend, I Always looked up to him as a kid, he was a truck driver so he would be gone for a long time and i remember 1 summer he even took me with him on the road, but sadly my uncle had cancer and while he was in the hospital my aunt had tried to get him to assign her as an executor of his will, but since he was quick to pick up on what happened when my grandmother passed away, he hired a professional estate lawyer that would take care of everything. If you can imagine, my aunt was not very happy and was quick to throw out a sob story of "How offended she was that her brother couldn't entrust her with an important task" this went on for 2 weeks, even on his last day in hospice, she still brought it up (And was asked to leave by nurses). He passed away peacefully in 2011. Now I didn't know it at the time, but I quickly found out why my aunt was. So we were all asked to gather at my mom's home where the estate lawyer came to tell us who was getting what. Finally, my time came on the list, and I was surprised to have anything willed to me. What did my uncle Will to me? It was his Rig and Car of course! My uncle's Rig is a 2008 Lonestar International which was Fully loaded. His Car Is a 1966 Chevelle SS. My first thought was "What in the hell am I going to do with a big rig??" My Aunts first thought... Well, she didn't have a first thought, she just screamed and cussed at the lawyer saying that I was too sick to have those things and didn't deserve them because I was his nephew and not his sister, the lawyer asked her to sit down, and He would get to her. When my aunt sat down, she looked at me and said, "You're giving me the title to both of those" To which I laughed and said, "In your dreams maybe." The lawyer kept going down the list and because my uncle was a legend, he put my aunt at the bottom of the list and said to quote "To my sister I am leaving her my luckiest most important dollar, because all present at this meeting will know she needs it most" and then was handed the dirtiest looking Canadian 1 Dollar coin which was sealed in a block of Acrylic. Myself, my dad and my other uncles nearly wet ourselves laughing. My aunt however didn't find it that funny and instead went into another tirade on how this was unfair and saying she didn't have anything to hold on that was his. The day passed and then the nightmare began, my aunt would call over and over and over asking about the truck, wanting to buy the car, if I was going to sell the truck, if I was going to sell the car, all to which I said No. Things got worse when my aunt started saying that she wanted "HER CAR" and she had someone that wanted to buy "OUR TRUCK" at this point I got extremely irritated and said its not "YOUR CAR" its "MY CAR" and "MY CAR" is staying with ME and it's not OUR TRUCK its MY TRUCK and no one is buying it! A Week later I woke up and heard something, so I went to investigate and there was a tow truck in the driveway. I Quickly told the tow truck driver (Who was a friend of my aunt) that if he so much as put a hand on that Chevelle I would have him arrested for trespassing and grand theft and then proceeded to call the police. Cop showed up and I told the police officer my side of the story. then he went to my aunt and the conversation went like this: Cop: Ma'am can you tell me, is this your car? Aunt: Yes, it is! He just won't give it to me! Cop: Ma'am do you have the title of the vehicle? Aunt: No, I do not, he won't give that to me! Cop: Well Ma'am I looked at the registration and title of the vehicle and he is listed as the owner of the vehicle. That vehicle is Legally not yours and having it towed could land you and your friend prison time for Auto Theft. Aunt: Well, I think I am the one who should get the car because he can't even take care of himself! Cop: Ma'am It doesn't matter what you think, what matters is legal ownership which you do not have. A week later my Aunt had attempted to take me to court for the car which the case wasn't even put before a judge, my aunt refiled the claim again, it went to court and once I provided a copy of the Will, Title and Registration, the judgement went in my favor and my aunt was forced to pay my court costs after dismissing my aunts claims with Prejudice (Meaning she can never file that lawsuit again)Then Tragedy struck again, This time a Great uncle passed away. I Was on the Will Again! Can you Guess what was left to me? A NEWWW CAR! My great uncles 1967 Chevrolet Impala SS which he restored himself. My great aunt (His widow) was Thrilled that I Got it but the mood was quickly soured when she realized that My Entitled aunt (Her Niece), Really was not thrilled that I got it... This time she stepped it up a notch and skipped the screaming and complaining and instead went to scheming. 3 days after I took possession of the Impala, She rented not just 1 flatbed, but Two flat beds! she managed to get the Impala onto the flatbed and sped off leaving her boyfriend behind attempting to get the Chevelle on his flatbed as quickly as he could while I stood by on the phone with police! Police quickly caught up with my aunt and arrested her. Her boyfriend was arrested in my driveway and soiled himself in the process. Her and her boyfriend were hit for 2 counts of Motor Vehicle Theft! Both were charged and found guilty and sentenced to 2 years and 2 days in jail. **End Points:** \- I Haven't spoken to or heard from my aunt since she got out of prison, and I have no desire to. Before she was released from jail, I filed a restraining order against her and it has stood since then but the last I heard, she is still Screaming at store employees, complaining about money and asking about me and the vehicles. \- I Still am the owner of all 3 vehicles, the Chevelle the Impala and the Lonestar international and don't plan on selling any of them. I Repair and build computers for a living but more and more I have been getting into auto repair as a hobby. \- As I do live in Canada, I do not drive the Impala or Chevelle during winter months, But every year I always take my Great Aunt (Who is now 96 years old) to A&W To get a burger, Onion Rings and an Ice-Cold Root beer in the Impala which is something my Great Uncle did for her since he got the Impala in 1970. \- A Very good friend of my uncles whom now owns a business actually Rents the Lonestar International from me, he promised me that he would not get a single scratch or spot of rust on any single part of it and to this day that Lonestar looks factory new and has been all over the world, The guy that rents the truck even continued doing a little tradition my uncle did which was to get a Decal on the truck of the state/province/territory flag of the places the truck has visited. It currently has 31 State Decal's and 3 Province Decals on it.- My great aunt isn't in great health and she has told me that she put me in her will so that I will get her cars (Which are Two of my Great Uncles first cars, originally left to her in the Will) which are a 1958 Chevrolet Impala and 1957 Plymouth Belvedere Fury (Which is my favorite car, I saw the movie Christine when I was 6 years old in 1996, ever since I loved the car) because she knows that I will take care of it and park it right beside the 67 impala SS... I can already imagine the Fallout that I'm going to get for that so there may even be another post though I really do hope there is not. Thank you for reading and Have I Hope you have a Great Day/Evening. &#x200B; &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/14g0jms/update_entitled_aunt_achieves_ultra_greed_status/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)\- Thu, Jun 22, 2023 EA = Entitled Aunt. GA = Great Aunt. So I'm not really sure how this is actually done or if I'm doing this right? I looked everywhere and information is kind of limited, so I'll just jump to it. &#x200B; Quite a few things have changed. To start, GA is doing much better medically and she is looking forward to her 97th birthday, I was actually inspired to make this update because I just recently took her for our usual A&W trip which she loved, Her mind was also blown that now A&W sells FROZEN ROOTBEER which had me laughing for about 15 minutes straight because she couldn't understand why someone would want a "block of root beer", I had to order one and show her that it's like an icy or a Slurpee from 7/11. Turns out before he passed away my great uncle was working on restoring his 1958 Nash metro which I think is moderately terrifying because if you crash that, the steering column is going to go right through you, and you are going to go through whatever car you crash into since that thing is a little tank. &#x200B; GA Really doesn't want to hear about the Fury or the Nash anymore so she gave me the title to the Fury, my cousin really wanted the Nash, which my aunt obliged him and I'm not even disappointed because I think that thing is ugly as sin. EA found out about it and threw a fit, was on her way to my house but without me even knowing this took place. I was surprised to find out that my mom had actually called police and Police had called her (EA) to tell her that if she set foot on my property then that would violate the protection order and she would be charged and so she had best stop the car, turn around and head home. &#x200B; Well, she couldn't get the Plymouth Fury, but by golly she was going to try to get that Nash metro! My cousin had called me and told me that she actually went to his house (Under the pretense of a pleasant visit) and said that the visit went nicely for maybe an hour and then suddenly the Gollum switch was flipped, and she started listing off reasons as to why he needs to give her the Nash such as: \- when she was little she would ride in the Nash \- She deserved it (LOL) \- He wouldn't take care of it (also LOL because he has a 66 Pontiac GTO that I have been trying to buy off of him for 7 years) \- It would be much safer at her place (despite the fact that he lives about 20 miles from where I live in the middle of nowhere.) &#x200B; All of these did not phase my cousin and instead he told her to get out of his house after citing the reason of how it was kind of... his DADS CAR?! He had to deal with her pestering him for around 7 months and then he finally just blocked any form of contact with her. she hasn't tried anything since. GA then went on to sell the farm which upset EA even more because that's 1 more thing she can't have, and it is even in the will that my cousin and I retain the vehicles at all times and now my cousin gets the house in town (which was changed from EA to my cousin) and so the dust has settled now, and things are all good. &#x200B; Some pretty good things have come out of this. Number one is when I found out that my mom was the one that called the police on my aunt, that led me to talk to my mom for the first time in 5 or 6 years and now we are on speaking terms. I also have a much better relationship with my cousin since we were never really that close to each other to begin with, and he was blown away at the fact that I have a full-on machine shop on my property so on weekends we will be in the shop talking and he has been helping me with my project. My project is: I found a Lincoln continental MK. III and ever since I was a kid it's been a dream to have "The Car" from the movie... well... The Car. so, we have started chopping the crap out of it and making everything by hand to get it looking perfect. The Impala, Chevelle and Lonestar are all doing great. The Lonestar had a bit of a Hiccup and the entire transmission and engine needed to be replaced but Lonestar actually said that the engine should have been replaced long ago so that all got done and signed off on along with a new hitch plate being installed on it, My uncles friend still rents the Lonestar from me for his business and he even got a custom decal put on the trailer for it of a Chicken Hawk (my uncles nickname was chicken hawk) and now has 42 state Decals on it (Up from 31) and 6 Provincial Decals (up from 3!) Me and my cousin both got invited to a car club because we were at a recent car show, a friend of ours, had recent dealings with this "Car club" They gave him some of the money needed to restore a 1951 Studebaker woodie and once the car was complete, they actually had taken him to court to get the car which now sits in their show room. So, me and my cousin asked them when our friend is going to get his Studebaker back, and then I said that I don't associate with people that have 0 moral fiber. We are now working towards getting him his car back since legally the people in the car club can't so much as sit in the car without our friend's permission. since nothing was in writing he has to pay the car club back but won't get the car back until he has paid the car club because his lawyer was an idiot. Before I forget, EA has actually had to come out of retirement and now both her and her boyfriend are forced to go back to work since they ran out of money pretty quick. As it turns out, having multiple homes and going on vacation 2 and 3 times per year drains your bank account pretty darn quick! So yeah. Thats about it. 5AM So it's time to get to work, Hope everyone out there has a good day/evening and thank you for your time. &#x200B; *Comments:* Busy\_Weekend5169 >Wow! Your family sure has a lot of great cars! (Except the Nash. -- I agree with you). Glad it all turned out. OOP Replied: >Yeah, great uncle and aunt were never ones to let anything go. I mean hell my great aunt still has her fridge from 1958 and you could probably live in that damn thing. The Chevelle was my uncles dream car, he saved up for that after he bought the Lonestar and yea even my dad loves but hates that Nash lmao. gracefulhorror >Sounds like they taught well, and you learned well. > >You might even be able to say that each of those lessons have helped you with this frustrating situation. > >As someone who is very nostalgic about objects and cars your dedication to their care and repair got a tear out of me. I would wager that dedication is why other people have left you their cars, its like a guarantee that they'll be loved and cared for, for a long time. > >Good on you. OOP Replied: >Little back story: > >I was constantly getting into trouble from 17-21, when I was 19 I got arrested at school for getting my bullies to stop picking on me. That was a 2 year sentence which I served 1 year and 2 months + 9 months house arrest and probation then once I was off of probation, because a probation requirement was to stay in school, when I got off of probation I dropped out. from 21 to 25 I was absolutely useless because I have medical issues of my own, then when I finally started getting better no job that I got really fit me because honestly I don't like any type of social setting plus I REALLY needed to get my tattoos covered because they could potentially get the tar beat out of me or get me flat out killed along with I really wasn't proud of them. > >Stuck with what I knew, I've been in a machine shop since I was 6 so I pulled my grandfather's machines out of storage, got my certifications for machining and welding and I was taking jobs while working out of my dad's garage, then I rented a space, got more tooling, then I built my shop and eventually my house next to my shop and got even more machines so I literally went from fixing parts of fork lifts and small loaders to now I'm fixing Uranium mining equipment, Gold mining equipment and Industrial logging equipment (I actually have another entitled story I have been thinking of posting about a encounter with an entitled client actually). So, I was taught well but I only applied the lessons later in life. > >About objects and nostalgia? Absolutely. To me the cars are literal memories I can touch. That and i was always an odd kid, don't ask me why but I have never been good at opening things. I have a collection of action figures going back to the 90's, transformers, spawn figures, Final Fantasy figures and I never took them out of the boxes so sometimes I would get 2 of 1 thing so I could take 1 out of the box LMAO. > >Sometimes we remember the lessons of the past when we hit rock bottom and need them the most. &#x200B;   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

The Will's Wheels: Entitled Aunt Doing the Most

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ParadoxicalState

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