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derek-thomas

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zoyut4

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Official Porsche NFT public/free Ethereum mint now live. 1000 hand drawn sketches with tangible benefits for Porsche owners. Interesting at least.

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Ilikecheese2468

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zoyut4/official_porsche_nft_publicfree_ethereum_mint_now/

zoz05q

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My mom took my cheating ex girlfriend's side over mine and I can never forgive her.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zoz05q/my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends_side_over/

zozfsi

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zozfsi/girlfriend24_gave_me19m_an_ultimatum_on_marriage/

zp01ag

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Official Porsche NFT public/free Ethereum mint now live. 1000 hand drawn sketches with tangible benefits for Porsche owners. Interesting at least.

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Ares_9225

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp01ag/official_porsche_nft_publicfree_ethereum_mint_now/

zp0fjq

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp0fjq/girlfriend24_gave_me19m_an_ultimatum_on_marriage/

zp0j35

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp0j35/girlfriend24_gave_me19m_an_ultimatum_on_marriage/

zp0lv8

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp0lv8/girlfriend24_gave_me19m_an_ultimatum_on_marriage/

zp0x7a

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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[deleted]

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zp15q8

Trigger Warning - >!grooming!< Mood spoiler - >!Ick!< **I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/Significant\_Duty1497](https://www.reddit.com/u/Significant_Duty1497/) **in** [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) [Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zi0yly/girlfriend24_gave_me19m_an_ultimatum_on_marriage/) \- December 10th, 2022 I've been dating this girl, Ali, for nine months, and she told me recently that she wants to get married before she is 25, which is next year in April, and if I don't put that ring on, she will find someone else. I love her and really think she's the one, but my friends say that I can't know someone's true self in that short period of time and that it's not a good idea to get married while I am still in college. But I am graduating in 2024, so I don't think that matters. Would it be a mistake to get married so early in our relationship, or does it not matter? P.s - We have talked about marriage, religion and kids and were on the same page, but we have never lived together which might be a problem. I have already posted this before but i left out some context. I think that why alot of people misunderstood our relationship. We've known each other since I was 13 and she was about 18, so it's not like we've only known each other for 9 months. I've always admired and liked her, and we've liked each other for a long time, but she didn't want to lose being my sister's best friend, so we waited until I was 18 to make things official. Second, she has been having difficulty seeing me go to parties and be surrounded by college girls, and she believes it is best to strengthen our relationship. And I don't mind marrying her; I feel like we're soul mates, but everyone I know says I'll be sorry. My sister doesnt really agree with our relationship and thinks she is weird. That the only reason why am hesitating, because she said my girlfriend is dead to her. I just want my sister to have time to warm up to our relationship before we take our next step but at the end of the day her approval shouldn’t matter. **UPDATE:** I guess with all of these comments and everyone in my life telling me I need to find myself without her, I can't really be delusional anymore especially since I made my case worse with the context. I talked to her and told her that I think we should take a break and focus on ourselves and she redrew the ultimatum, but I insisted that since she was my first everything, it was better for me to explore my options, plus I rejected a summer studyabroad opportunity for her, so I told her that I needed to take on more opportunities and find myself. We were both crying and she asked if we could be friends; I said I would think about it because I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. ***Relevant comments:*** *How they met* "Me and my sister went into while they were having a sleepover. So she came into my room and told me she understood what I was saying and agreed that what happened (forgot what it was about, i think it was over the remote) (normal sibling banter) was unfair and that she would talk to my sister. She gave me her phone number and told me to call her when i was upset or need something.That was the first time we met, and after that we began texting, and she hung out in my room occasionally when she came for my sister but my sister wasn't there." *Why they posted* "I thought people on reddit would give me different perspective’s not say the same shit everyone else says. I just can’t believe that she will take advantage of me, like no matter how many times i read it here and hear it from the people in my life it just doesn’t click in my head that she would do that. Like am hearing all of these reasons but they all make no sense to me. I don’t know, I guess i will take some time to reflect before i speak to her again." *where he lives* "canada" *Additional info* "We didn't do anything sexual until I was 16, which is my country's consent age. She never took advantage of me; in fact, I was the one who courted her. Our age gap is only 5 years apart, My parents are like 10 years apart and they are very happy." "Why is everyone acting like she 40 or something. She is also in her 20s, people are acting like she a pedophile, when she just 24." "Me and my sister still have a relationship" UPDATE 2 - [Shitty friends, Missing sister, Thinking about my ex](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zl7uyt/shitty_friends_missing_sister_thinking_about_my_ex/) \- December 14th 2022 Do you ever feel like you have shitty friends who treat you poorly but you'd rather they make a fool of you than leave you? I've been feeling like that lately, but at least I have my sister. We live in different states tho, and I don't want to call her because it will would seem that I only call her when I need something plus I would have to tell her she was right after being mean to her. I've been feeling sad and lonely since I broke up with my girlfriend, and it makes me want to run back to her, but I know that's not good for me in the longterm, I just really miss her. I don’t know why I thought leaving her would be easy. I am just feeling overall depressed. I'm not looking for advice; this is just a quick rant. **EDIT** \- Thanks for the support; I don't know why this post is getting tension, but its whatever. I have talked to my sister, and I am staying with her for Christmas break instead of my parents. I am not Canadian; I am from the United States; I only said Canada because of their age of consent. I don't know why I lied; I knew if I said America, some of you would point out the consent age is illegal. But i guess i fucked that up by saying states instead of what ever you guys call yours. Staying with my sister has made me feel so much better, she has really been good to me if though I said some harsh things to her in the past. I have been feeling extremely down but sometimes i feel better so it not a constant thing. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** ​ ​

Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp15q8/girlfriend24_gave_me19m_an_ultimatum_on_marriage/

zp2jzj

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AITA for refusing to give my daughter back to her biological mother?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp2jzj/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_daughter_back_to_her/

zp4qnq

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/expensive-sun-679 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zhuaxy/my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends_side_over/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (10 Dec) **My mom took my cheating ex girlfriends side over mine and i can never forgive her.** Throwaway for privacy. I was raised by single mom. my dad died 2 years after i was born. I focused on my career for the most part of my life and my mom supported me doing that. but when i was 20 i met my ex girlfriend and we got together. we were colleagues first but she told me she'd work in a different sector soon. in her new workplace she met a new guy who she fell "in love" with while being in a relationship with me. i only found out because she admitted to have sex with him to me after she went out for "girls night" with her friends. i immediately broke up with her and threw her out. a few hours of me trying to process what happened my mum called me and shouted at me that she hasn't raised me like this. i was confused and asked what she meant and she said that my ex girlfriend accused me of cheating on her and that she "found prove" of that on my phone. i couldn't believe what i just heard. i tried to talk to my mother telling her that the exact opposite is true and that she has cheated on me but she didn't believe me. part of the reason is probably because she and my mom truly loved each other. i never had a problem with that. till then i liked how they got along with each other. my mother called me a liar and she said she'd disinherit me from her will as she's not having a cheater as a son. she said she never wents to see me again. then later my grandparents called me to tell me how disappointed they are of me and that i deserve every bad thing that is to come. you know what the worst thing was? i found out that my cheating ex girlfriend continued to meet with my mom after everything she did. all of this was so painful for me. the only person that sided with me was my best friend who was furious with her. i talked to him and he hugged me and i cried in his arms. i know many people would think thats unusual for two guys. but his support really helped me getting through this. one year later when i already was over it my doorbell rang and when i opened i saw my mom with teary eyes and i began to feel how my emotions are coming up and i slammed the door and started crying asking her what the f\*ck she wants here. she said she wanted to talk to me and that she was so sorry. after she begged for 15 minutes straight i gave in and opened the door. she said my ex admitted that she cheated when she was drunk. she apologized profusely and said that she knows that she failed as a mother not believing her own child. i told her that i accept her apology but i don't want to see her now and that i probably can never forgive her. even though she begged me to forgive her. over the last few months she started calling me daily "just to hear my voice" as she said. she said she missed me then apologized again and asked if i could just come over. her voice always sounded kinda painful and she always says how much she loves me and that even she could understand that i hate her she cannot live with this thought on her head. i don't even hate her. i still love her. she is still my mom but the trust is broken. i can never trust her again because what if i got into a relationship again. who says that she wouldn't just believe their word over mine again? i appreciate her efforts but i just cannot forgive her or even see her now. and i hope she understands that i need time. ​ Edit: Since TrueOffMyChest deleted my update i reposted it on my profile if you wanna see it. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Expensive-Sun-679/comments/zj01pb/update_my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends/) (11 Dec 22) **Update: My mom took my cheating ex girlfriends side over mine and i can never forgive her.** \*The original update on TrueOffMyChest was deleted and i don't know why. however i decided to post it here then.\* Hi there! After reading too many comments yesterday i decided to meet with my mom today to clarify everything. I texted her to come over and she didn't hesitate. she literally appeared at my door within 15 minutes. many of you pointed out good points i should ask her. even though she called several times we rarely really talked. so when she came over i sat her down in the living room. there i asked about my grandparents, her will and if she is still in contact with my ex. she explained that she had told my grandparents and she expected them to call me but it seems like they were too stubborn. she also said i'm in her will again. she then started talking shit about my ex. she said that when she found out she punched her so hard that my ex lost a few teeth. I very much doubt the accuracy of this story detail but i wanted to share it anyway because for me it was a funny thing to think about. she said she told her to "f\*ck off" and threw her out of the house. she then again started apologizing profusely and telling me that she knows how hard she messed up and that i probably can never trust her but she wants to do "everything in her power" to make this right. she explained that the man before my father had cheated on her so infidelity was a sensitive topic for her. and then she said that she regrets not believing me or even remotely hearing my side of the story. i sat quiet while she explained all this. i then asked her how i know that i could trust her now. what would happen if i got into a similiar situation and if she would just throw me away again. she said i have her word and i replied that her word is basically meaningless as i don't trust her in the first place. she didn't reply to that answer properly and again begged me to forgive. i told her that i cannot forgive her for now and maybe i will never be able to forgive her but i also see her efforts and if she wants me in her life again then she has to show me that i can count on her. she started tearing up. i could tell she tried to hold in her tears the entire time. but then she broke down crying and with a wimpering voice she asked if she at least could give me a hug. i accepted that and she said she's gonna make this right no matter what it takes and then she left. now while i am kinda touched in how she shows how much she regrets doing what she did i am really concerned about my own reaction. when she broke down and i saw my own mother there on the floor crying i didn't feel anything. i wasn't sad, i wasn't angry, i wasn't happy and i certainly didn't show any sort of empathy for her. i just couldn't. during the year of having no contact with her i refused to go to therapy. maybe its not to late to do that now. in the end i want to thank all of you for your nice comments and support. i tried to read every single one of your comments but the post kinda exploded way more than i expected. have a nice day! **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

My mom took my cheating ex girlfriend's side over mine and I can never forgive her.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp4qnq/my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends_side_over/

zp5exw

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I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.

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[deleted]

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zp6fro

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/pwojacks in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a9jdy7/i_m_32_ruined_christmas_and_i_have_no_regrets/) - 25 December 2018 Is anyone else’s family this dysfunctional? Every year there is an argument in my family and after 32 years I was the one who blew up for the first time. Long story short, i’m half-Korean/half-white. My mom is Korean. My dad side is white. So we only have my Dad’s side here in the US. For years, I watched my some of my dad’s side speak down to my mom. They never invite her to things. Me and my brother have always been treated like outsiders by some family members. To be frank, I don’t care how i’m treated. Every year, we always bite our tongues and survive the holidays because it’s only 2-3 times a year. We repeat the process and don’t expect much from these family members. My mom even buys gifts every year for these family members, she gets nothing in return and never complains. My white Grandma is 80 and she’s the only thing anchoring us to some of these family members. Three times today I watched a family member (Aunt) raise her voice to my mom, speak to her as if she doesn’t speak english and shut her down over simple questions like “where should I sit?”. I watched my mom quietly recoil and I couldn’t stand to see it again. This aunt does it the most and I finally blew up. I yelled so loud everyone stopped what they were doing. I told them enough is enough, to start treating my mom with respect and as an equal in this house. To stop speaking to my mom (who’s lived in the US for 35 years) like she doesn’t speak english and stop shutting her down over simple questions. I watched it happen year after year and will not allow it to happen anymore. My Aunt stomped away and was so upset she left. As she was leaving I walked up to my aunt to hand her my mom’s yearly gift to her. I said “for 30 years I watched my mom give you a gift every year. I watched her speak to you as an equal with respect. I’ve never seen you treat her with the same”. She didn’t say anything but before she left, she apologized to my mom. Before I left, I apologized to everyone and explained why I was upset. Everyone was shocked how mad I got. I felt like everyone understood why I was mad. Prior to this (around thanksgiving) I spoke to some family members about how I was hurt they never included my mom on family things or even texts about family emergencies. Which they have been trying to do more. After blowing up, it made things awkward. People trickled out early too. Now my grandma is talking about not doing Christmas anymore due to the constant family drama. I feel bad, but i’ve never felt so proud to stand up for my mom. Does anyone have any advice on this? Handling rude family? Should I do something else? **[Edit 12/26/2018: typos, wordiness and update below]** Mom’s reaction: On the car ride home my mom expressed some words about my aunt which she never does about anyone. She’s always taken the high road it’s a very Korean Christian mom approach. My mom’s method of being a pacifist is very much an older Immigrant/Korean/boomer approach too. It’s taught me a valuable skill in life. I don’t regret picking my battles and that’s why i’m so appreciative of being Korean/white. After we left, she gave me a very long mom hug. She didn’t say anything and asked me if I wanted my favorite Korean dish. Where is my dad: He was in the other room. Yes, my dad could have done more over the last 35 years. He’s gotten in arguments with everyone my whole life including this aunt. We’d be fighting every year with someone new if we didn’t pick our battles. We would have stopped going years ago but mom wants to go out of respect for my grandma. My dad is the only one who isn’t petty about dumb shit. Defending my mom is everyone’s responsibility not just my dad. Including my grandma, aunts, other family and me. As soon as I got loud my dad came into the room and stood guard (I can’t describe it). There wasn’t much for him to say or do because he didn’t hear it. I was quick to unload and my aunt immediately walked away because she was embarrassed. My white side has a “keep grandma” happy approach which is dumb. For years my dad would be on the verge of saying things and my mom would demand that he didn’t. Me: Reflecting on this as a whole. I can’t believe the response. It shows you everyone has screwed up family in some way. After Thanksgiving I started to speak to family one on one which has had good response. I have no relationship with this aunt. I should have pulled her aside even as the nephew who’s 30 years younger. A small part of me regrets it and will be glad to sit down with her still. If she’s not willing to try or work it out (like the other people responded), “F*ck her”. Please don’t use my experience as a reason to blow up on anyone. I should have tried to speak and I did what I felt was right, I don’t regret it.. Grandma’s 80th Bday is in two months. I can’t wait for that to be awkward. Someone made the comment that people cant be educated until you give them a chance to be aware of their actions, which is fair. Regardless people will now think twice to be rude to my mom. Cheers and have a Happy New Years! TLDR: After 32 years I finally blew up on a rude family member who disrespects my Korean mom and feeling liberated for standing up for something I’ve been feeling for years. How do people handle their dysfunctional family when your last grandparent is alive. Should I do something for blowing up?   [**[Update] I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/efnn56/update_i_m_32_ruined_christmas_and_i_have_no/) - 25 December 2019 I wanted to update the kind people who took the time to give me advice and affirmation last Christmas when I really needed it. I wanted to provide an update how Christmas and the year went. Long story short.. I’m half-Korean and half-white. My white family has always been rude to my mom and treats her as an outsider. Every year my mom brings gifts for everyone and gets nothing in return. She never causes drama but gets treated like crap and I think it’s because of their own biases. My white grandma is 80 and the last grandparent alive. She is the only reason we get together with them. After 32 years I finally blew up on a rude family member (my aunt) who disrespected my mom... with a few expletives. I blew up in front of the whole family demanding that the behavior needs to stop. My actions ended Christmas because everyone left quickly after. I felt liberated for standing up for something I’ve been feeling for years. Last year I was looking for advice on how to manage the fallout of what I did. **UPDATE:** The year has been interesting.. Immediately after Christmas I sent an apology letter to my aunt. It went against some advice but my letter requested to not let the situation impact the family. I left the lack of any relationship in her hands and shared everything can change if she gives my mom a little more respect. I decided to send a letter because she lives three hours away and I’ve never spoken to her on the phone more than 30 seconds. I didn’t think a phone call would help or fix the situation, especially after I blew up. After Christmas I apologized to my grandma for what I did. I let my grandma know I sent an apology letter to my aunt. My grandma told me she is and always wants my mom to feel like she is part of the family. I could tell my grandma was on the verge of crying when she said that. My grandma told me blowing up was not ok but understood why I did it. Hearing that felt really good. In regards to the letter. I got no response. My aunt denied ever getting it. We know my aunt got the letter because when my grandma confronted her about last Christmas my aunt went into a rant about several things I mentioned in my letter. My grandma did tell my aunt what she did was wrong and she needed to change. In February my aunt didn’t come to my Grandmas 80th birthday party. She told other family members she didn’t want to “cause an argument” so she didn’t want to come. My aunt didn’t come to my grandma’s on Mother’s Day dinner because she supposedly had to work. My family didn’t get together the rest of the year. Thanksgiving and Christmas came. Things are not perfect but Thanksgiving and Christmas went really well this year. I was going to post after Thanksgiving but the gathering was smaller than usual and I wanted to see how Christmas went. During Thanksgiving and Christmas everyone was very kind to my mom. It felt like everything shifted. Everyone spoke to her differently and it feels really good. My mom got to help in the kitchen for the first time ever. I know that sounds dumb but my mom has always wanted to help cook because she loves to cook. It was the first time she didn’t spend the whole day in the living room. At one point during Thanksgiving my mom asked me to help her dry dishes. While we were washing/drying dishes my mom was smiling the entire time. At one point my mom stopped putting dishes away and randomly hugged me. We laughed and had fun the entire time. No one argued. No nasty remarks. My mom was treated as an equal and it felt really good. In regards to the aunt that I yelled at last year. She came late to Thanksgiving. So late, we were eating when she arrived. At Thanksgiving my mom did initiated the first interaction with my Aunt. She was not very conversational but polite to my mom. My aunt didn’t look at me the entire time. When she arrived I went to say hello and she turned away and kept her distance the entire time. She basically stated in a different room the entire time. She also left early and was the first to leave. The best part? I don’t care. I apologized and left future in her hands. If she treats my mom well she will get nothing but respect in return. Christmas was as if nothing happened. My aunt didn’t really talk to me but she was incredibly nice to my mom. I’m ok with that. Both my parents said they have never seen my aunt so nice before. My mom got to help in the kitchen just like Thanksgiving. This year for the first time it felt like my mom was an equal in the family. Everyone was incredibly nice. No arguments, snide remarks or drama. I regret yelling but it changed everything. I think it put everyone on notice they need to change. There was a lot of questions and comments about my dad. The comments was hard to hear but true. It helped me reflect on what my dad has/hasn’t done. The truth is my dad has been the glue of the family for years.. he spends so much time being the middle man and trying to repair issues. At times it’s been at the expense of my mom. Regardless, my dad’s lack of actions over the years doesn’t make it right. Over the summer I told my dad what I felt. I told him that I was disappointed in him and that his family has never been kind to my mom. I told him he should have done more. My dad didn’t take it well but he told me I did the right thing. My relationship with my dad is complicated. I know though I’m not going to make the same mistakes he has. We are different people and I will do whatever is needed. If you’re reading this and have a similar situation. If you have people or someone rude in your family, try to take a moment to sit someone down. Hear them out and try to do the right thing from the start. When you have the convo, stay calm. If they are not willing to hear you.. then make it known. Blowing up could have gone either way and I’m lucky it fixed things. Try to loop in other family members before or after so they understand your reasons and can back you for your choice. My post last year gave me affirmation what I did was right, follow your heart.. it might fix years of issues. TLDR: Last Christmas after witnessing years of rude behavior towards my Korean mom I blew up on a my aunt in front of the entire family. I demanded the behavior need to stop... with a few expletives. After I blew up it ruined Christmas. I tried to take the high road and apologize. The year was quiet and My aunt avoided the family until Thanksgiving/Christmas. Everything with my family has shifted and my mom is treated really well for the first time that I can remember. I’m glad I did what I did. Thank you for the advice. **[Update: 2021]** Because of COVID, my grandma is in her 80s, and in declining health, we don’t do Holidays together. In early 2021 My brother and SIL moved back from Korea during COVID in 2020. We made Christmas amazing. My SIL is from Korea and we made Christmas amazing for her. We make her a full member of our family. We haven’t even seen my fathers side. Now we do Christmas with just my parents, no extended family. My parents cook Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I feel bad my Grandma celebrates with only one aunt (who looks after her). In some ways I’ve come realize she contributed to the dynamics too. I truly love the holidays now. I’m now seeing someone and our families hang out. In some ways my mom gets to be the head female for the family, she doesn’t have to hide anymore.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp6fro/i_m_32_ruined_christmas_and_i_have_no_regrets/

zp6s01

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/billmuskrat in r/tifu** ---   [** TIFU by telling my gf’s three older brothers about how rough their sister likes it**](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/z9fw0s/tifu_by_telling_my_gfs_three_older_brothers_about/) - 12/2/22 TIFU by telling my gf’s three older brothers about how rough their sister likes it GF (21f) will be moving in with me (29m) soon and just told her family about me this week. I’ll be having brunch with her parents soon but her brothers invited me over for beers at a dive bar tonight to get to know me. Started off very formal with intros and us just getting to know each other. They weren’t very friendly and just and pretty much just grilled me for over 2 hours about how we met with her interning at my office, why we’re moving in together, blah blah blah. Finally got to a place where we’re just shooting the shit about current events and our lives. Several beers deep and they’re finally starting to loosen up and we’re having a nice friendly banter going. One of her brothers starts talking about his ex and some of her harder appetites. In my drunken stupor I said “yeah man that’s nothing some girls really love for you to push them to their limits” so he laughed and asked what I meant and I said “ehh it’ll be weird if you guys know about that”. We were all quiet and just looking at our drinks for like 45 seconds as they digested what I said and I’m realizing how fucking stupid I am. Whatever friendliness we were working up to is gone but now there’s this tense awkwardness. I offered to get the entire bill, they didn’t even thank me, and then we went our separate ways. GF is staying over tonight and she asked me when I got to my apt how it went because her family is super protective of her. I told her and she went white as a ghost. She’s still in disbelief over how stupid I am and said we’ll talk about it tomorrow. TL;DR : met my GF’s 3 older brothers for the first time and drunkenly told them their youngest sibling likes it really hard. UPDATE: Once we were both up she wanted me to give her the full play by play on how the hell this actually happened. I told her in detail everything I remembered. She called me an absolute idiot but I got her to laugh about it so I’m not in the dog house. She said she’s probably gonna avoid her brothers for a while because this is too awkward and embarrassing. She’s also grossed out they’d even bring up a topic like sex when they just met me. I sent her oldest brother a text this morning “had fun, let’s do this again” and he liked the text so I might be ok with the brothers. We’re meeting her parents tomorrow for brunch. She’s banned me from touching any alcohol when talking to her family. I was planning on being stone cold sober anyway. She said if I somehow inadvertently tell her parents about our sex life she’s going to stab me so additional motivation to be on my best behavior. I’ve skimmed through some of the comments and a few of the PMs I’ve received so I wanted to touch on a few things. - yes I know I’m stupid, this is TIFU. I’m not gonna post my brightest moment here. But thanks anyway for calling me stupid over and over again. I’m still shocked at how fucking dumb I was. Million ways I could’ve spun it and talked my way out of that hole but I just froze. - I didn’t bring up the topic myself. I was several beers in and was just trying to go with the flow of the current topic of convo. Obviously blew up in my face. - got some PMs calling me a pedo and a rapist. Makes zero sense given the definition of those two terms. - yes she was an intern but she never reported to me. I had and have had interns report to me in the past and I kept those strictly professional. My gf and I just happened. - why is she just telling her family about me now? She was nervous they wouldn’t approve and jump to conclusions like a lot of you have because we were still at the same firm. Now that she’s gotten a full time role at another company, we think it’s the right time. I’m really hoping I don’t make a fool of myself with her parents and have to make another update.   [** TIFU by telling my gf’s three older brothers about how rough their sister likes it [UPDATE]**](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/zbfmbu/tifu_by_telling_my_gfs_three_older_brothers_about/) - 12/3/22 TIFU by telling my gf’s three older brothers about how rough their sister likes it [UPDATE] Got a ton of well wishes on PMs (in addition to an equal amount of insults and rapist and pedophile accusations…) and a lot of you asked for an update on meeting her parents so I figured this would be easier instead of individual PMs back. Got reservations to a nice place for brunch to finally meet her parents. Her oldest brother decided to join us too. Overall the meeting went ok I think. Not my absolute best meet the parents situation but I was ready for the worst. When the waitress asked what we wanted to drink her brother ordered a mimosa and when she turned to me next asking if I’d like the same my gf answered for me and said I’ll just have water lol. Her brother laughed and said that’s probably for the best. Cheeky comment but I think he probably just finds the whole situation funny now. Highlight was definitely my gf’s mother. She loved me, mid way through the meal when her brother got up to use the restroom she actually took his seat to sit next to me so we could talk more. Super affectionate and very sweet women. Even if every guy in her family hated me I think I’d be fine if I had her mother on my side since it seems like she’s really the one who calls the shots in the family. Invited me to spend Christmas with the family and I had no choice but to accept. Her dad is a bit of a grump. Would’ve been an awkward and tense meal for sure if her mother wasn’t there. Asked me a lot of questions about me, my work, how we met, my family, friends, etc. One thing he touched on that I feel he wanted to grill the gf about was the timing of when we got together. I mentioned before that she’s only had one bf before that the whole family knew about. The bf was also Albanian so the dad probably liked him more I think. He was curious on when she ended it with him and we got together. Honestly it was pretty tight, they’d been long distance and hadn’t seen each other for close to 2 years when we started 9 months ago. Her mom immediately told him to cut it out and changed the subject. Overall I’m pretty happy. She’s practically moved in already, I’m good with her family, my mom already loves her.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OP tells GF’s 3 older brothers how rough she likes it.

INCONCLUSIVE

TheKingofSafari

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp6s01/op_tells_gfs_3_older_brothers_how_rough_she_likes/

zp700h

**I am NOT OP. Original post from /r/TrueOffMyChest by u/LLostInDespair** Fun animal fact: most Siamese kittens are born completely white and develop their markings in the weeks following birth. To tell the kittens apart, owners often paint their claws (which can't retract until they're about 4 weeks old) with pet-safe nail polish. Trigger warnings: >!cheating, divorce!< Mood spoilers: >!frustrating!< ---   [**I didn’t react the right way to my husbands cheating prank and now our marriage is not the same. I don’t want a divorce over such a ridiculous thing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wk4t41/i_didnt_react_the_right_way_to_my_husbands) – August 9th, 2022 [Recovered with Web Archive](https://web.archive.org/web/20220814162905/https:/www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wk4t41/i_didnt_react_the_right_way_to_my_husbands/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) If you think we’re young then think again. I’m f35 and he’s m33 and I can’t believe this is really happening. I begged him to go to therapy with me but he’s refusing any type of conversation. About a month ago while having Sunday breakfast. My husband left his iPad on the counter when I was doing the dishes and went to the gym (now I think about it he went out of his way to draw my attention to the iPad the whole morning placing it on display and leaving it wherever I was; now I know why). While I was loading the dishwasher he got a text and a picture of naked female torso and “you miss this?”. The number belonged to “Eve”. I froze in my tracks. We’ve been married for 2 years and we have two children together m5 and f3. Against my better judgment I started looking and there was this full conversation for over a week. He was cheating on me with this Eve. I can’t describe the amount of pain I felt and I ran to the bathroom vomiting and crying, anyway when he got back from the gym and asked me what’s wrong I just handed him the iPad and told him that he has gotten a text from Eve and that I needed to go out for a walk if he could stay with the children. He said okay. I went for a 3h walk. He texted me multiple times if I was okay and I said that I was fine, just needed the walk. I don’t remember crying this much my entire life. When I got home I told him that I knew about his affair and asked him how we’re going to do this. *“do what?”*. I told him that we obviously can’t stay married but that I needed to know how we’re going to do this with the least damage possible to the children. I told him that since he has his parents living near he could move out and let me stay with the children for now until we separated. *“Is that really all your reaction? Are you fucking serious right now??”* I just looked at him all puzzled. *what did he mean by this?*. I told him that I couldn’t discuss this now because I was exhausted. He started yelling that I was so careless and cold. My reaction to his infidelity wasn’t the proper reaction or at least not the one he expected. He then shoved the IPad in my hands and asked me to call “eve”. I refused and ran to our room because I couldn’t believe how cruel he was being wanting me to call his mistress. *“Fucking call the number!!!!!”*. I did. The number belonged to his friend and he was laughing on the other line saying it was all a prank. It took me a few moments to get it but then I started crying. My husband was livid at the way I handled the prank. He was disappointed that I didn’t care enough. I don’t know what he wanted me to do. He couldn’t explain what he expected me to act. He just yelled that he didn’t expect this. Now a month later he’s still so cold and distant with me. I tried to apologize and explain that I was hurt but shocked because that wasn’t him. I tried to explain that I just didn’t want to hurt our children. I told him that I loved him so much and that if that was something true it would have broken me. It did for the few hours I believed the prank. He thinks I’m too cold and apathetic and my reaction was abnormal so now he’s cold and apathetic towards me. And I think this whole situation is abnormal. ## Edit: (sorry for making my post even longer but many have requested a a clarification ) I don’t know why the apologizing part is being taken out of context making me out to be a weak woman with no self respect. Im not apologizing nor begging. I apologized and not because I thought I did anything wrong but because he was hurt by my lack of emotions. I explained to him that my lack of emotions came from shock and not indifference. He did not buy it and that’s where we are now. Also the fact that I answered truthfully about my husband never acting this way before and was downvoted because of it. I’m not saying that because I’m being a victim of brainwashing but because that’s the truth. I’m not defending him, I’m trying to be accurate in case someone actually wants to help me and need all the facts rather than just cast judgment based on their own experiences and assumptions. This is the first time we hit a dead end (it seems) in our relationship. We have always been a loving couple and if I was a weak manipulated abused wife with low self respect I wouldn’t be planning separation and divorce the moment I thought he was cheating. I won’t be engaging with the negativity anymore and I honestly regret opening up to strangers just to be attacked. I’m thankful for the support from the rest (the majority) but I hate the feeling that I need to agree with bullshit assumptions or I’m being “defensive” or “apologist”. I’m not deleting this post in case someone somewhere can benefit from it but I’m done here. Have a good day.   **The first update couldn’t be found or recovered on Reddit. However, I found the full story on TikTok and transcribed the missing update for y’all.** Here are the links to the TikTok videos in question: [https://www.tiktok.com/@dana_truppiana/video/7133636566865464619?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7133636566865464619] (Video 1) [https://www.tiktok.com/@dana_truppiana/video/7133642372453272878?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7133642372453272878] (Video 2) [https://www.tiktok.com/@dana_truppiana/video/7133646522528402734?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7133646522528402734] (Video 3) [https://www.tiktok.com/@dana_truppiana/video/7133649223014354222?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7133649223014354222] (Video 4) [https://www.tiktok.com/@dana_truppiana/video/7133654307903163694?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7133654307903163694] (Video 5) **Update one.** Hi. I decided to make an update after all, mostly out of respect for all of the people reaching out asking for one. I will make it private, however, because honestly, as much as I appreciate the enormous response, it became overwhelming for me. I couldn't read all the comments and the bad ones stuck with me more than I want to admit. I never considered myself weak or stupid or as easily manipulated as I was portrayed. This morning, before my husband dropped off the children at daycare and the dogs at the dog center, I asked him to talk to me. I told him that his treatment of me for the last month wasn't sustainable and that I have given him space long enough. But now he has to do something, talk to me, try to find a solution or set me free. He asked me to meet up with him for lunch because we were both running late for work. At lunch, he apologized for the prank and he said he couldn't believe that he went with it, and how stupid it was of him to think that it was harmless and playful. He said that he had been feeling miserable about it, and so guilty, but that he has never felt so worthless in his entire life. I showed him how disposable he was to me, and how easily I could believe something this horrible about him, accept it, and make plans to move on within hours. “Even if I have cheated on you, you showed no sign that you loved me enough to at least ask me why.” If the roles were reversed, he would have been angry. He would have confronted me. He would have asked me why. Who the other man was. What it was that he, the other man, had that he didn't, and so on. I told him I was thinking all of these things, but I had other priorities. Like the stability of my children's family life, and the hurt it would cause them to have divorced parents. Because he knew me well enough to understand that I would never forgive a cheater. I pushed away my anger and feelings of disappointment, because all I was thinking of was how we could provide our children the best life with two homes. I was eventually going to process the anger and hurt. I knew I had all the time later for grief and rage. So he told me that he wanted to move out to his parents, but that he wasn't sure how to manage without seeing the children every day. So I suggested that he could pick them up from daycare every day, since I work later than him. I could pick them up from my in laws after work. I also suggested that we could split the weekend. He was silent while I was planning. He then said “I love you” and kissed me and hugged me for a long while, for the first time in weeks. When I got home after picking up the children and the dogs, he was already gone with his clothes. He texted me around 11 p.m. saying that *he couldn't believe that I was doing it again* and that he was done. I called him and he told me I was, *again*, a matter of fact and unemotional. I seemed unfazed, like him moving out wasn't a big deal. He felt redundant again and disposable and unnecessary in my life. I told him this was so unfair, because I've missed him, and I *have* missed him all these weeks when he was ignoring me. I was just trying to give him space and respect his wishes because I still wanted us to work things out. He didn't want to listen anymore, so we hung up. At two a.m., he texted that this wasn't working for him and he wanted a divorce. I texted back: “okay”.   [**Update: my husband has apologized. Thank you everyone for your help**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wq0hk8/update_my_husband_has_apologized_thank_you/) – August 16th, 2022 [Web Archive link with full text and few comments](https://web.archive.org/web/20220816185948/https:/www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wq0hk8/update_my_husband_has_apologized_thank_you/) [Unddit link with deleted post, but lots of comments including from OOP](https://www.unddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wq0hk8/update_my_husband_has_apologized_thank_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I want to thank you very much for all the support. I’m sorry for all the doubtful voices about help from strangers on Reddit, while I’m my own woman and isn’t easily manipulated, I was so appreciative of the support here. I was doubting myself, brooding and all consumed in my own confused thoughts. My husband found my posts and he said he was so ashamed of himself and the way he handled our problem especially after reading all the comments calling him out. Now we have a lot of work to do if we’re going to make it. I’m still not 100 sure why he acted the way he did because I’ve always been clear about my feelings and how much I love him, I never felt that life and the children came in the way, it just made my love for him even stronger, but I’m not gonna dismiss his feelings if he really felt neglected and disposable. He hasn’t moved home yet, we have been on “dates” and we have been spending quality time together. Before all of this happened we were talking about having another baby and maybe moving into a bigger house. We are waiting with this. I wasn’t sure how I would tell him that I wanted to wait without it sounding like I’m cold and have given up on our future so I tried to show more emotions this time and making it clear that I just want to wait until we’re back on track and not cancel the plans all together but he was actually understanding and kind of relived. We’ll see how this goes. I love and miss him so much and the children miss their daddy at home. Thank you again.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I didn’t react the right way to my husbands pranks and now our marriage is not the same

INCONCLUSIVE

Dismal-Lead

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp700h/i_didnt_react_the_right_way_to_my_husbands_pranks/

zp8kab

[removed]

My wife stole our daughter's college money to fund her shopping addiction and wants me to take the blame

INCONCLUSIVE

Ok-Willingness-5095

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp8kab/my_wife_stole_our_daughters_college_money_to_fund/

zp92ns

[deleted]

AITA for donating my hair to charity without my dad's permission

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp92ns/aita_for_donating_my_hair_to_charity_without_my/

zp9g75

[removed]

The Mother from Hell and The Missing Missing Reasons

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp9g75/the_mother_from_hell_and_the_missing_missing/

zpb567

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throw67980 in r/amitheasshole. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zhr27p/aita_for_paying_my_girlfriend_money_for_a/) (10 Dec 22) **AITA for paying my girlfriend money for a "survival pack" she kinda arranged for me when I'm going out to sea for work?** So, I [24M] work as a marine engineer and make a lot of money overseas. Out of curiousity, my girlfriend [24F] asked me what kind of stuff I usually take with myself aboard the ship, so I listed out the stuff like a bunch of men's hygiene stuff, some of my favorite snacks, a bunch of socks, some waterproof winter gear, stomach medicine, etc. She went ahead and bought a bunch of that stuff for me yesterday and had it delivered to my place along with a note. I was honestly quite taken aback. It had quite a few expensive items, like a razor of high quality, some expensive shampoo, expensive winter gear and stuff, etc. Normally I would've just appreciated the gesture and thought of something I would gift her in a while or so but since I was leaving in a week I was out of ideas and I couldn't have matched the amount she spent on me (in such a short while) meaningfully so I took her out to dinner, thanked her for all that (I actually needed to buy quite a bit of that stuff) and then proceeded to wire her the bill amount next day. Her reaction... wasn't great, she was disappointed and said that it was a gift which shouldn't be paid back and stuff like that. I felt quite bad but absolutely refused her from paying any of that money back. Normally I wouldn't have paid this but it was quite an amount and I make a lot more money than her, so I felt awkward and was out of ideas. We're over it now though but she's asked me to never do something like this again, and I've reluctantly agreed. I also kind of wanted to bring up the cost she put into the gift, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings at all. I'm not going to be able to talk to her for a month now and I'm feeling bad that I fucked up this badly. I have the next 4 days before we don't see each other for 3 months. So well, AITA for paying her back money for an expensive gift, which I needed? EDIT: Well, I have managed to get my point about insecurity about my job through to her and now we're past the point of remembering it even happened. I also told her I'll remember her always when using the gear and everything she sent me, and a bunch of other sappy stuff. We're now hanging out together the entire day (and night ;), and I took a small breather to post an edit. I'm leaving in 3 days and I have a lot to think about. A lot. So I'll be getting to that soon. Thanks everyone. Comments - >**Redditor** - Everything you’ve written here has screamed “I freaked out because her gift implied deeper intimacy than we actually have.” While this may not be what you intended, if it’s coming across this strongly to us, it probably came across that way to her too. You’re dating an adult, you can expect her to be able to manage her money and not splurge on something to the point where she can’t afford rent. >>**OOP**-A bit of clarification: *“I freaked out because her gift implied deeper intimacy than we actually have.”* >>Isn't what I'm trying to imply. The part that's probably making it seem that way is that I treat my job as solely my responsibility, as that's how I've lived my life. My parents never really cared about what I did or didn't do, and I've practically been on my own with respects to stuff like building my career. >>I have a very strong feeling of independence towards work, and my girlfriend kind of took that responsibility for me, and it made me uncomfortable because I felt like I put her in a financially precarious situation. It's just how I've lived and treated work and "relying on someone" is completely new to me. I mistook her care for me for shouldering me, and I freaked out in my inability to accept that, I simply couldn't accept putting someone in a troubled position for me. >**Redditor**-I saw your comment about your parents not being interested in your work. Are they interested in you as a person at all? Have they taught you that you shouldn't accept help from others? >It's good to be independent but your gf expressing her love for you shouldn't be seen as a threat to that independence. >>**OOP**- *I saw your comment about your parents not being interested in your work. Are they interested in you as a person at all?* >>Nope. They never just really cared. I've lived my life with them being indifferent to what I do, even when I got pressed charges for underage drinking when I was in high school. I've done a lot of growing up, if I've grown up, practically alone. >>Some people were there around to set me straight, but none for long enough to me actually think I'm relying on them. My current relationship is probably the only thing where I've let someone affect me emotionally this much, and she's made me a better person. But my job was and is always something I've wanted to handle alone, and that's why her gesture felt completely alien to me. >>*It's good to be independent but your gf expressing her love for you shouldn't be seen as a threat to that independence.* >>It's just... not how I see it, yet. I'm working on it, slowly opening up, learning to rely on someone. I'm just not there yet, and this was a bit of a "take aback" to it... I still have a lot to learn. >**Redditor** - Your relationship sounds so loving and wholesome. I hope you work through your issues. You may want to consider working through your issues without involving your father at first. Therapy may help you navigate that. And you are not required to call that lady your mother even though she adopted you. Best wishes, OP. >>**OOP** - People have it worse with their step-parents so I'm just showing a bit of respect. That's probably it. >>I do need some therapy but I guess it mostly boils down to learning what kinds of behaviors I have from ignorance and killing them one by one. >>>**Redditor** - I just want to let you know that the fact that other people have worse step-parents does not mean you need to show yours any respect. It sounds like she was actually pretty awful to you based on the information you gave, but, even if she wasn't, you do not need to promote her to the title of "mother" in order to show her respect. There are plenty of people with close and loving relationships with incredible step-parents who they respect very much, and they still call them step-parents/their name/not "mom" or "dad." You are not obligated to recognize her as a maternal figure just because she married your father and legally adopted you. Do you think she sees you as her child? In the same way that she sees your half-siblings as her children? >>>Of course, you can do whatever you want. If you want to call her "mother" that is your decision. But, since you're beginning to dip your toes into the pools of "what notions of mine should I reassess?" I think it's worth pointing out that adults do not deserve respect simply for not being the worst. They deserve respect when they earn it. But do you know who deserves respect without having earned it? Children. And it sounds like she did not only not respect you, but she treated you unequally, was unkind to you, and took her frustrations with an adult (whose actions you had no control over and were also affected by) out on you, a child. I don't have all the details and maybe I'm just projecting or getting the wrong impression and I apologize if that's the case, but she doesn't sound worthy of much respect to me. >>>Again, you do you. But be sure that you're calling her "mother" because YOU want to. Not because you feel like you owe it to her. Even if she was the perfect step-parent, you don't owe her anything. >>>>**OOP** - *And it sounds like she did not only not respect you, but she treated you unequally, was unkind to you, and took her frustrations with an adult (whose actions you had no control over and were also affected by) out on you, a child.* >>>>I always considered that part of the problem as related to my father's absence giving her frustration. I pitied her to an extent. >>>>*You are not obligated to recognize her as a maternal figure just because she married your father and legally adopted you. Do you think she sees you as her child? In the same way that she sees your half-siblings as her children?* >>>>No she does not. I'm very much "elder brother" to my half-siblings as she made it that way but they don't care about elder bro. I'm put in the same league as my father about this. >>>>The one time things went to a boiling point was when in my teen years she referred to my birth mom as a "bitch who broke her family apart," I never cared about this woman as a person after that. I never knew my mom but this made me feel bad, and I always questioned why I felt bad despite not knowing who was my mom. It was hypocritical though, how would this woman's family be ruined by my mother if she wouldn't have had this family in the first place had my mother been around? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zjusa7/update_aita_for_paying_my_girlfriend_money_for_a/) (12 Dec 22) **UPDATE: AITA for paying my girlfriend money for a "survival pack" she kinda arranged for me when I'm going out to sea for work** So well, it has been a day and I managed to get this thing kinda cleared up over lunch with her. Yesterday was a Sunday so I dedicated the entire day to her. I told her that I had a freakout about the gift due to my toxic relationship with work, and we made up completely over it. I also told her that my actions don't undervalue her gift in my eyes and I'll always remember her while using any of those things, lol. I went a bit too sappy on her I guess. But we had fun, she's still sleeping beside me, and it's just been a fun day overall... :) ​ Anyways, reflecting on what I did through the comments on the post and the community's help at least made me realize that I had a lot of toxicity to work on. I guess my blaming my parents wasn't completely fair either, given how everything had been. My birth mom passed of cancer shortly after I was born and dad threw himself into work, relying heavily on babysitters and wet nurses to have me cared for until he got remarried, and still was thrown in work. My stepmother, who I have to refer to as "mother" because she has legally adopted me, is not a very nice person to me. She didn't deprive me of anything my half-siblings had and did keep me fed but that was about it. There was these few times she tried to take out her frustrations with my dad out on me and I have good reasons to believe that maybe one of my half-siblings isn't blood related to me. ​ On that note, I think I will try to reapproach my father (who I barely am able to talk to), and force him to tell him what my mother was like, and to try to break him out of the shell he's created, possibly from the grief of losing my birth mom. If I can do something like that, then I can think I have somewhat fixed my own problems too. Right now, the only people I can call family are my girlfriend, and her family is sweet and I'm friends with them but I'm "not there" with them yet. I'd love my father to get to know them at least somewhat. ​ For now, I'm boarding a freight in 2 days, I have the rest of the day to spend with her, and possibly the night too :). So I'm trying not to bother about this. When I get back from the ship, I'll get these things done, slowly. I'll have a late valentines' date night to look forward to after I am back and a lot of things to work on, both on myself and my situation with people close to me. >**Redditor**-Glad to hear you’ve patched things up with your gf. It’s also great you are open to growth and self-improvement. >One little word of caution though, beware of giving away all your power in this situation. By that I mean, you can only control (and therefore heal) yourself. You can’t, and probably shouldn’t, force your father to do or admit to anything. If you are going to make your own healing contingent on his behaviour, you’re just disempowering yourself. If whole process depends on his being ready and able to give you all the answers, what happens if it doesn’t work out that way? He may never be able to talk about your mother or break out of his shell. Then what? Of course he might, but if you’re pinning everything on him being able to, you’re in for disappointment. >Therapy is a great idea. That way you can unpack the baggage in a safe environment and make a plan for how and when to confront your father. You can have clarity and understanding of your own needs and your process will be your own. >Good luck >>**OOP**- *If you are going to make your own healing contingent on his behaviour, you’re just disempowering yourself. If whole process depends on his being ready and able to give you all the answers, what happens if it doesn’t work out that way? He may never be able to talk about your mother or break out of his shell. Then what? Of course he might, but if you’re pinning everything on him being able to, you’re in for disappointment.* >>No I'm not holding any expectations. I have prepared for the worst, as I'm already used to only speaking to him once a week about really general stuff. He's usually always found a way to be busy about every event of my life and my half-siblings lives, who've completely turned like their mother in blaming me for our father's lack of attention. >>But if the man's problem is originating from grief, I'm possibly the last memory he has of his late lover. If I can help him using that, I have to try. It feels like something my birth mom would want me to do. >>I'll give him a chance to a real relationship if he opens up and is willing to accept therapy. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, I have a family waiting for me anyways. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

AITA for paying my girlfriend money for a "survival pack" she kinda arranged for me when I'm going out to sea for work?

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpb567/aita_for_paying_my_girlfriend_money_for_a/

zpbp6v

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/house-liar-throwaway in r/advice** ---   [**One BIG LIE may ruin my marriage and I don't know how to stop it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/zh8btm/one_big_lie_may_ruin_my_marriage_and_i_dont_know/) - 9 December 2022 This is a throwaway account because people I know follow my regular account and I'd like to keep the audience of people I know as small as possible To start off with in this story I (45m) am the asshole. I am absolutely 100% to blame - my wife (44F) is completely innocent of any wrongdoing at all. I AMTHE ASSHOLE there is no question in my mind about this. I'm just wondering how or if I can save our relationship. Long story ahead - there is no infidelity, no cheating, in every single way but one huge one I've tried to be the best husband/lover/friend I can be. Except this one lie is so invasive in our lives that I've probably fucked everything up. When we started dating 10+ years ago I had been renting a house for some time, she was also in a long term rental, both of us had great relationships with our landlords but her place was almost as expensive as mine and not nearly as nice either in size, or area. Very early on I told her I owned and didn't rent, I honestly don't know why and this is the BIG LIE. I've maintained that now through 7 years of dating and 3 years of marriage (she moved in with me and gave up her lease obviously). I don't know why I told her that and she's never been interested enough in my finances (I make about 50% again of what she makes) to ask a lot about it. Also I have for longer than we've been together managed the house and it's repairs with very minimal interaction from the landlord, generally if it cost less than $1k I just paid to fix it myself, partly because I didn't mind, and partly to keep the landlord out of my life. If the repairs or problem were greater than that, I'd still pay for it but then I'd invoice the landlord, he was absolutely fine with this state of affairs. We still in the same house and we talk about how much we love this house all the time. My landlord wants to retire from landlording and is selling his houses (he has about a dozen) to the tenants at a greatly reduced rate (like 25k below appraisal/market prices). I can afford the mortgage and in fact have been approved for it... but I still haven't told my wife that we don't own this house. I have the money in my personal savings (not our joint accounts) to pay the down payment, and I can fully absorb the increase in cost from the monthly rent to the monthly mortgage without her having to help at all additionally with bills etc. The problem is that when we close in a few weeks apparently she needs to be at the closing as well to sign things. The mortgage is only in my name, she's not on the hook for it at all (except I suppose by virtue that she's my spouse) but apparently the title company wants her to sign some things as well. Obviously I'm going to have to tell her the truth about all this and she will be furious and hurt by my lies and gaslighting - and she will absolutely be in the right to be so - other than telling her the whole truth and hoping she doesn't hate me forever, and absolutely admitting to her that I've been a liar and a jerk this whole time... what can I do? How do I tell her this and not expect her to just hate me? Should I even expect to be able to tell her this and have her not hate me? TL;DR: I lied to my girlfriend/now wife about our housing situation and now that I have an amazing opportunity to fix it I have to come clean, but I'm worried that coming clean now will only make things worse.   [**UPDATE: One BIG LIE may ruin my marriage and I don't know how to stop it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/zj7kcp/update_one_big_lie_may_ruin_my_marriage_and_i/) - 11 December 2022 As soon as my wife got home Friday night I had her sit down with me and I came clean about everything, told her I lied about owning the house, told her we'd been renting this entire time, told her about getting the mortgage in place and using money from my personal accounts to pay for the down payment and everything, and she reacted in a completely opposite way than I expected. She was of course hurt about the lie, but she was THRILLED to learn that we were buying the house and that we were getting a great deal for it. We talked about boundaries and we talked about keeping secrets, but truly this is the only thing I've ever lied to her about, she knows all my passwords (I gave them to her years ago unprompted), she has access to all our shared bank account information and I'd show her my personal bank accounts if she asked... I had this one big lie and I held on to it for a decade and it ate me up, but now that the air is cleared, we're working on a path moving forward, stronger, together. I am truly a lucky guy to have such a wonderful woman in my life, she's the best partner that I could ever hope for. We have a plan to move forward, and I think we're going to work together to even knock out this debt faster than most people do. She's also now planning to do to the house I wouldn't previously let her do like ripping up the carpet and refinishing the hardwood floors and everything else I cried with relief y'all. This whole conversation was a weight off my mind and I was so relieved to have it done. She forgave me, though I maintain she has the right to decide she's mad at me still. We're still together and she's not even mad. TL;DR: I came clean and told my wife about my stupid lie and everything worked out better than I could possibly have hoped.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

One BIG LIE may ruin my marriage and I don't know how to stop it

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpbp6v/one_big_lie_may_ruin_my_marriage_and_i_dont_know/

zpec5e

Reminder that I'm not OOP. OOP is u/GrayPots and this was posted with their permission. Trigger Warnings: None OP's Note: I've edited the second post so that it reads chronologically (ie newer update later to the original post). I've made no other changes [**Is it a terrible idea to write a letter of complaint to my professor/her chair after the class ends**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAcademia/comments/zbxwvf/is_it_a_terrible_idea_to_write_a_letter_of/)**?** (recovered via Unddit) December 03 2022 I am taking an online intro psychology class with a professor I'd actively sought after seeing good reviews for her on RateMyProfessor. The class has been beyond disappointing for several reasons: * NO lectures from the professor. Instead, she posts links to the videos put out by the Crash Course YouTube channel * Syllabus says weekly quizzes, exams, discussion posts, assignments, projects are each worth 20% of our final grade. When asked, she said course grades aren't weighted. This means each exam (there are 3 total, each covering as many as 6 chapters) is worth only 2% of the total grade. She only clarified this to me via email, and only when I explicitly asked, and not to other students. * Syllabus says weekly discussion posts will be graded with feedback and engagement within 1 week of due date. It's December now and no submissions have been graded since Sept. The 3 posts that have been graded were graded months late and with NO feedback and surprisingly tough grading. (e.g. it's a freshman-level course; I was a former English major and have worked proofreading Ph.D. papers and received a 70% on one submission) With seven other submissions waiting to be graded, students didn't have a chance to refine those posts in response to her grading. * Syllabus says assignments will be graded with feedback. None have been graded. * Syllabus said the first exam would cover chapters 1-5. It ended up only covering chapters 1-4. * The "study guide" she posted for the first exam was just a list of multiple-choice questions from prior exams. 90% of the questions covered only one of the four chapters. * The Canvas announcement said the second exam would cover chapters 6-10. I asked her about chapter 5, which we hadn't been tested on. She emailed me that the second exam would cover chapters 5-9 and gave me the date. She then gave the exam one week early and covered chapters 5-10. * She said a final assignment would be assigned a month ago. It still hasn't been assigned, but she's now changed it to say it will be "peer-reviewed," which means students will grade each other. The other "big" assignment, due 2 months ago, was also peer-reviewed. Grades for it still aren't posted. I emailed to ask her how/if the peer-reviewed portion was to be graded (I spent an hour on it). She never responded. * Our final discussion post was also changed to be "peer-reviewed," which, again, just means we are grading it for her. She noted to fill out the grading rubric. But the rubric includes an area to grade the discussion AND the response—but there is no response assigned to grade. It is due tomorrow and she still has not responded. The only thing she has done all semester is copy/paste from the textbook onto Canvas and she's graded Discussion posts through September, giving no feedback. There are 8 weeks of ungraded discussion posts and all assignments that aren't auto-graded through the textbook software are left to "peer-review," which was a thoroughly unexplained practice that basically amounts to us grading each other so she doesn't have to. I've had other online courses with instructors who didn't post lectures, but who engaged with the class--posting highlights from people's contributions, sharing personal notes about that week's subject, and assigning papers that they responded to and engaged with. This professor has everything either auto-graded (textbook software assignments and exams) or peer-graded (non-textbook assignments and some discussions). She's given arbitrary grades for a handful of discussion posts. My brother is a college professor and was aghast when I told him about this class. Our grades online are incorrect, with some things being counted twice. It works out in my favor, so I'm not bringing it up, but it's also inexcusable. I'm clearly pissed: I rearranged my class schedule to take a class with this professor, but she definitely doesn't care about her students. She is an adjunct instructor who lives in a different city than the college, 7 hours away. Would any good come from emailing her after the class to, diplomatically, express my disappointment? Or would any good come from emailing the department chair at the university? The dean? Relevant Comments: >I agree that all of this is unacceptable for a professor. However, considering that this person has gotten good reviews on RateMyProfessor (and if you trust those reviews to be truthful/accurate), then consider maybe something has happened in her life to cause this mess. I would send a (diplomatic) email to the professor first instead of escalating to admin right off the bat. >>Interesting: she received 8 stellar reviews on RateMyProfessor in the span of 3 days.As of yesterday, her 2 most recent reviews were very bad.As of just now, 1 of those bad reviews is gone. >Were there comments on RMP specific to why she was rated so highly? Also when were the reviews posted? > >I ask because 1) that was a reason provided that you rearranged your schedule to take the class and 2) I'm wondering if this is something that has only happened this semester. I agree with the other comments to focus on the deviations from the syllabus and no feedback. >>She just announced to my class that we can get extra credit for leaving her a RateMyProfessor review. So that explains why there was a slew of 5-star ratings all left in a 4-day period last spring. [**UPDATE: Is it a terrible idea to write a letter of complaint to my professor/her chair after the class ends?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAcademia/comments/zhipo5/update_is_it_a_terrible_idea_to_write_a_letter_of/) December 09 2022 Original update: I made a post here a few days ago asking what I should do about a professor who has completely changed the grading policy without notice, is having students grade each other whenever possible, and says they'll provide feedback/grades within 48 hours but is currently 2 months behind and has never provided feedback. The post was removed (a short version is in my post history on [r/college](https://www.reddit.com/r/college/)). The overwhelming consensus in the replies was that I should consider speaking to the department chair. I found my college's policy for student grievances, which requires an attempt to resolve things with the professor before being able to file a formal complaint. I emailed the professor a letter, stating that I was beginning the informal complaint process, and listing my main concerns. I forwarded the email to the department chair with a note that I wanted to document the informal complaint process and asking for any advice regarding seeking a resolution or escalating to a formal complaint. The dept. chair was very kind, said she took my concerns seriously, and that she would speak to the professor, and scheduled a Zoom meeting with me for tomorrow. This evening, my professor graded ALL of my ungraded assignments, most with feedback. I get an email each time something is graded, and my email shows that she graded all assignments in exactly one hour. From this timing, I'm pretty sure that she graded only MY assignments and no other students' submissions. I'm going to chat with the dept. chair tomorrow about my concerns, and appreciate all the suggestions to focus on the stuff that actually matters as opposed to more trivial complaints (such as she offers extra credit if you tell her via email that you posted a RateMyProfessor review). Thanks all, and feel free to delete if this isn't allowed \[in the same post\] UPDATE (to the update) : The dept. chair spent over an hour talking to me about my concerns. She was amazing and also really horrified. She said the professor admitted to being behind in grading, and also said that the turnaround time for grading assignments should be within 1 week with a max of 2 weeks (as opposed to 2.5 months). She'd told the professor she needed to grade my work and then catch up on grading the other students' work, which is why all of my assignments were graded within an hour last night. She said a lot of red flags were coming up, particularly in regards to "punitive/retaliatory grading," as the assignments I had graded yesterday showed an average of 80%, with grades as low as 50%, while my scores on things graded objectively (multiple choice exams, auto-graded assignments) are a high 90%. I mentioned that regarding a post for which I was graded 50% for not meeting the word count requirement, I went and looked at other students' submissions and noted only 2/12 met the word count. I surmised that if she's grading consistently, the class average overall must be at or close to a failing grade. The chair was also especially alarmed when I said I wasn't sure if the department had a policy around incentivizing RateMyProfessor reviews, but that my professor offered extra credit points for leaving her a review and emailing to let her know you'd left a review. The chair said she'd never heard of that and that the most important thing that always comes up when asked what's important in a professor is "fairness." She's also concerned that the final paper will rely on subjective grading and said she will tell the professor that if she feels she can't grade my work objectively/without bias, she will need to bring someone else in to assist her in grading. She said that it's unacceptable for students to not know what their grade in the class is, and also said that if I'm unhappy with my final grade, I can request a grade review where a panel will look at the grades and make sure grading was done fairly. Thanks to all for your advice.

Is it a terrible idea to write a letter of complaint to my professor/her chair after the class ends?

ONGOING

boringhistoryfan

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpec5e/is_it_a_terrible_idea_to_write_a_letter_of/

zpet0w

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrafe in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!sexual assault!< ---   [**I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fve0oj/i_25f_agreed_to_be_a_surrogate_for_my_sister_and/) - 5 April 2020 For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy. Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to "do things right" and "provide the best start in life" (their views, not mine). So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash. I said sure - it'll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea. However, when I said "sure", I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Ben's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial insemination package. But Alice & Ben have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don't want to go to the hospital given the corona pandemic and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can't get over the extreme ick factor. And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine. Am I going loony for thinking of going back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now? Edit: Thank you, I see that I am completely out of my depth here and will be discussing with my sister about alternatives that don't include me carrying the baby. Not looking forward to that discussion though.   [**Update: I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fygql7/update_i_25f_agreed_to_be_a_surrogate_for_my/) - 10 April 2020 All the comments on my previous post showed me that I am way too young, dumb and ignorant with what I signed up with. I started researching actual lived experiences and I read so many horror stories that I've decided to not go ahead with being involved in any way, shape or form with helping them have kids. In fact, I'm not even sure if I want to ever get pregnant after all the stories about 3rd and 4th degree tears, poop, miscarriages. I am clearly not in the right stage of life/maturity to even consider doing something of this magnitude. The difficult part was mustering up the courage to call my sister to tell her my decision. I really look up to my sister and love her lots, and our family and religion has always been about helping others out where we can. When I called her to tell her, we had a short convo at first where I basically said "sorry, can't do it but that doesn't mean I love you any less". She seemed sad but said she was happy to respect my decision and I thought that was it. Then just last night, sister & BIL called me back over zoom. My sister was crying and begged me to reconsider, as both of them really wanted biological kids. BIL told me that they were really disappointed in me and hoped that I would find it within me to do this. When I told them my concerns, my BIL just said pregnancy & motherhood is a beautiful and natural process and that I was made for this. I'm SO glad I did this over video call instead of in person, because I just hung up on them and faked having connection problems. I've been ignoring their texts so far and frankly I don't know what else to say. But any way, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes :)   [**An update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAFE/comments/i777j0/an_update/) - 10 August 2020 Leaving for the airport in a few hours to move across the country and I can't sleep! I plan to slowly phase out contact with my family and community, even though I love the people in there lots. Long story short, I went over to Alice & Ben's house to visit their kids in May. While there, they asked me in person to reconsider my decision. Sometime during this, Ben started kissing and groping me. I let him. I know typing this out makes me seem dumb for going over and weak, because I was. But I just froze and it was very difficult to say no in the moment especially with my sister crying and Ben having quite a presence in person. Trust me, I have replayed the scenario so many times in my head wishing I was stronger in that moment. Luckily that was the extent of it and I was able to leave shortly after, because I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I also received surprisingly no support from my parents or my bishop regarding my earlier decision (I didn't tell anyone the recent event). I don't think they knew what Alice and Ben were asking me, exactly, and I didn't bring it up either. I was already sort of an outsider for not really conforming to the usual lifestyle of being married with kids, but this still shocked me. All these things combined made me reevaluate my life. Working from home and having this much time alone has also given me a lot of time to think about things. I fell down the rabbit hole of reading stories of people who also left the church and I want that life for me. So I've spent the last 3 months making arrangements, transferring to another part of my company, and today is the big day! I know it's not going to be easy. Pretending to be normal at the last Pioneer Day family gathering was the hardest thing I needed to do, but I did it for myself and for closure. But I'm going to get through this. Thank you for the advice, and stay safe everyone.   [**Feeling grateful 1 year on (:**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAFE/comments/osonx6/feeling_grateful_1_year_on/) - 27 July 2021 My one year anniversary of leaving the mess that was my family behind is coming up. Dusting this old account off to keep a log that maybe I can look back on. It's a beautiful sunny day here. Just feeling really grateful for life and all the opportunities I've had. Here's to the first year without them!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpet0w/i_25f_agreed_to_be_a_surrogate_for_my_sister_and/

zpiie9

[removed]

I've been lying to my husband and daughter for the past 5 months. (I am not OOP)

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpiie9/ive_been_lying_to_my_husband_and_daughter_for_the/

zpink3

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/AITAThrowAway990](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITAThrowAway990/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I fixed a few spelling errors. Your daily fun fact for those of you who don't want spoilers on mobile: u/ElysGirl asked for kiwi birds. Kiwi actually have bones filled with marrow, unlike other birds which have hollow bones. The little spotted kiwi was extremely endangered, and at one point there were only 5 birds left. However, today there are around 1,200! ([Image](https://assets3.thrillist.com/v1/image/2624055/1200x600/crop;), [Source](https://www.newzealand.com/in/feature/five-surprising-kiwi-facts/)) **Mood Spoiler:** >!Hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcf9fk/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_26f_sisters_29f/): **December 4, 2022** My sister (lets call her Hanna) isn't speaking to me right now because I RSVP'd No to her wedding in January. My mom wants me to change my RSVP but honestly the wedding isn't going to be possible for me to attend and based on how my sister is acting I don't want to go anymore. Ever since I hit puberty I've had really really (really really really) bad insomnia. I usually go to bed around 6am, 7am, and wake up around 1pm, 2pm. I've tried to change my sleep style and I just can't, it's like dealing with international jet lag. Hanna knows this, but always "forgets" and tries to wake me up for family things whenever she visits home and I have to lock my bedroom door and really work to keep her out. When I got the invitation for Hanna's wedding I was super excited for her, because she has always wanted a big wedding, and it looks like she is going to get it, and that might not be what I want/would want, but she does and that is exciting, and I can acknowledge that. But then I saw the timeline and there's a wedding brunch at 10am, the ceremony is at noon, and then there's an afternoon party. I asked Hanna if I could just come to the afternoon party (since I will be sleeping at 10am) and she got furious and started yelling over the phone about how since I'm her sister, I need to be there for the ceremony. I laughed and told her there was no way I could be there on time, because it would basically be like trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2am. I probably shouldn't have laughed but it just felt so ridiculous. If she wanted me to be there for the whole thing, she needed to plan for a time when I could actually attend. I work a full time job as a freelancer, just not normal hours because of my insomnia, so it really bugs me when people act like my time is worth less than theirs. But now wedding preparations are happening at the house (the brunch is going to be here) and my mom is really upset with me for not coming to the wedding. She wants me to apologize to Hanna and be one of her bridesmaids. Hanna isn't speaking to me at all but she is speaking to our mom so maybe that is what she also wants, but I just feel like she owes me the apology, not the other way around? But I might be wrong because this is the first big fancy wedding in our family and maybe I need to suck it up because it's a tradition to have a morning breakfast or something. AITA? **OOP is voted YTA** ***Relevant Comments:*** *Someone asks how she made it through High School:* "I know I shouldn't have laughed. High school was really difficult for me - I was bullied a lot and late to morning classes pretty much every day. I ended up taking classes online for my senior year to graduate on time and it worked so much better. The thing is that I just can't think when I'm so tired in the mornings, and doing things online saved me. I got a college degree online at night and now my freelancing is also online, and I can just do that any time, so it's not like my insomnia has been a problem for my career or my friends, just this one conflict with Hanna" *Fantastic* [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcf9fk/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_26f_sisters_29f/iywd24y/?context=3) *that suggests she might have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, with a link to info:* "Oh my god. I don't know what to say. The article made me cry. Thank you. "my fatigue is less a product of my own body and more of society’s expectations for when one ought to be awake." YES! If I could be different, I would be... But you are also right, and so is everyone else on this thread - I do want to be there, so I need to try harder to be there. I like the idea of doing an all nighter to just stay up "late" so I can be there on time for the breakfast. I don't know if Hanna will forgive me and let me attend again but I am going to apologize and ask if I can come. We may butt heads but she is my only sister and I don't want our relationship to be nuked over this, and it's clear that it will be if I don't apologize" **EDIT:** Okay that was universal, AITA. I will apologize to Hanna and ask if I can still attend the wedding. I think it is probably best if I'm not a bridesmaid but I can still put on a dress and show up even if I am tired. Thank you to everyone that sent in medical tips - I am realizing that I need to get a second opinion that isn't our family doctor, because she is actually kind of dismissive about my sleep issues and I used to like that because she made my mom calm down and she supported me with a doctors note for online high school but some of you mentioned high blood pressure and delayed sleep phase disorder and I want to talk to someone who is at least willing to investigate that with me. EDIT 2: Sorry I meant "I am the Asshole" is universal and I get it **Update: December 5, 2022 (Same Post)** I sat down and talked with my mom about the situation with Hanna and it was rough but I think she understands a little better now where I was coming from and is going to help me find a sleep specialist to go to. I asked her if she thought I should call Hanna directly or if she should talk to her first and she said I should do it so I tried calling but she didn't pick up, so I sent her an apology text. No response yet but I said sorry for laughing and for acting self-centered and that if she would still have me at the wedding I would be happy to attend but that I probably shouldn't be a bridesmaid but I could do other things at the wedding like pass out stuff and that I just want to make sure she has a good time. I don't know if she will forgive me but I do feel better now that I am trying. I have also been watching a lot of videos on sleep rhythm disorders and a lot of symptoms in my life make more sense now so SERIOUSLY A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who gave me tips and ideas for what to search and what to ask my new sleep doctor once I find one with my mom. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zk57qr/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_sisters/)**: December 12, 2022** First off, it was a big eye opener to see that so many people thought I was the asshole, and after reading your comments I agree with you. I guess I have been living a kind of sheltered life, and I wasn't thinking about the wedding the way I should have - I was kind of viewing it as a big party, more like a birthday party, than a once-in-a-lifetime event, and that was a mistake. Hanna asked me if I could get coffee with her outside of the house, and I was a little surprised that she wanted to meet that way but I obviously said yes, I was getting really worried that she wasn't going to respond at all. But I think that was the best decision ever because Hanna and I had a great conversation, it was kind of intense but I think really necessary, about some stuff that happened when we were kids and our relationship with our mom. I won't go into all of it here but TLDR, Hanna apologized for trying to wake me up whenever she visited, I apologized for laughing about her wedding, and we both agreed that I need to A) talk to more doctors and B) move out of our mother's house. We grew up pretty sheltered, and I hadn't realized how much it was impacting my mood and energy until Hanna started talking about what she experienced when she moved out and went to college. She left home pretty early, at sixteen, so we really didn't know each other as adults much at all. Hanna told me that when she first moved out, everything got easier with our mother, and she started going to therapy and got really into fitness and nutrition, and she realized that she felt a lot better with less contact with our family, but she got really worried about me being left home, and wanted to check up on me/encourage me to move out too, but didn't know how to communicate that, particularly since I was always sleeping when she was over. I have some money saved from freelancing and saving on rent, so I am going to think about different places to move to. My job can be done from anywhere so now that I'm thinking about moving out it feels weird that I was so stuck in my high school routine that I didn't even consider any other options. My sleeping schedule is still super fucked up but Hanna has a friend who is a nutritionist that is willing to do a consult with me over Zoom, so that's something I'm going to do next week. I called my family doctor and asked for referrals but the only available appointment slot is like two months out, and I'm not sure if I will even be in the state at that point, so I didn't book it yet but I'm definitely going to try and get a medical team once I know what my plans are. Thanks again to everyone, particularly everyone who messaged me directly with advice <3 ***One more Relevant Comment:*** "Hi, I'm definitely going to book with other specialists, the nutritionist is just one part of the medical team I hope to put together, I just mentioned her explicitly since I already have that appointment scheduled and I think it's nice that my sister helped me connect with her friend" **I marked this as ongoing because I hope we get a post about the wedding! OOP, I sincerely hope you're able to figure your health out.**

AITA for not wanting to go to my (26f) sister's (29f) wedding because of my insomnia?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpink3/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_26f_sisters_29f/

zpj06z

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/opening-special-2938 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yib3dc/my_wifes_surprise_stopped_me_from_committing_the/) (31 Oct 22) **My wife's surprise stopped me from committing the biggest mistake of my life.** I(33m) and my wife(29f) have been together for 6 yrs and married for 2. She has a childhood friend Dave(30m) who's dating Tessa(27f). Four of us are in the same city and Tessa is also my colleague(same department and I was the one who set them up). My wife and Dave call e/o soulamtes. Altho I've never had any problems with Dave as I trust my wife and my wife isnt the one to cheat, they have been super close for the past 3 weeks upto the point they were whispering into e/o ears, giggling and everytime I'd ask her whats funny, she'd just casually shrug and shoo me away saying it's a secret. She'd whisper-talk to him in the other room(which she never used to do) and she's been frequenting her visits to his cafe(Dave owns and runs a cafe) The four of us go on double dates from time to time and there's also the same situation; they'd just talk to e/o in signs, smile knowingly and then start acting normal when they'd see me and Tessa watching and I knew for sure that it bugged Tessa too. Also, me and my wife used to have a healthy sexual life which decreased from several times a week to once/twice a week. All these and her staying away from me and keeping secrets really strengthened my suspicions. Last week my department had to go on a business trip for 5 days 3 states away from our city and i had informed my wife about this three days prior. She seemed upset at first but later after a quick visit to Dave's cafe returned with a smile. And that upset me more. Also that night, I overheard her and Dave talking and planning to go somewhere together. She was surprised to see me there and cut the call abruptly and I acted like I didn't hear a single thing altho I was fuming and plotting inside. I went on the trip as casually as I could with Tessa and 2 other colleagues. Our company had provided us with separate rooms with room service. My mind was filled with revenge plans and I decided that if she(my wife) was enjoying herself then why couldn't I a little. The city we went to is famous for its nightlife so my plan was to complete my work for the day and go out and most possibly bring a girl to our room and y'all know whatd be next. So I completed my work, changed into casuals, checked out and went to the bar where I proceeded to chug down a few shots for a good half hour. I could see some girl eyeing me in my peripheral vision and I took it to be my "to-go" moment. As I was about to approach my would-be AP, I was distracted by a bunch of frantic calls from one of my colleague about how I didn't submit the project in time and how Boss had been fuming at me. I tried to call in my other colleague and even Tessa but they didn't even budge. Alas my plan fell short and I had to go back to the room. Luckily the hotel I was staying at was just 10 mins away from the bar and I intended to return to the bar as soon I was done with my work. All while walking I was sulking about how I couldn't get to extract my plan, the moment I opened the door to my room, there was my wife in all smiles who then yelled a big "SURPISE!!!"(also it was weird for me to not submit my work on time) Before I had a chance to know wtf was happening, she shoved something in front of my face and I just got to recognize the two red lines and the switches just clicked. Idk what happened next but all I could remember is both of us and kissing and crying tears of joy. My wife was pregnant! Like my wife IS ACTUALLY PREGNANT!!! I forgot all about my suspicions, all about my plans, that chick in the bar and hugged my wife as long as I could and kiss her belly for several times. That night we had an amazing session and my wife was back in my arms. The next morning, Dave and Tessa congratulated me and informed me that they were now engaged and we went on a double date. Later my wife apologized to me for ignoring me knowingly and keeping secrets and how they were just planning to surprise me with the news of pregnancy and Tessa with marriage proposal. Also, she personally apologized for resisiting my advances as she was insecure about her body and scared of hurting the baby(she's a scaredy-cat). And man I felt like a gallon of ice cold water being thrown on my face and never in my life, I was ashamed as much as im now for even doubting this woman. We spent the rest of the week enjoying ourselves to the fullest and visiting many places, shopping some baby clothes(we couldn't resist tbh). We're now back to our normal lives. Whilst I'm the happiest with my wife's pregnancy I'm still ashamed about my thoughts. God knows what would have happened and where I would be now if my wife had caught me with some random chick that night. One one hand, I want to tell my wife everything but on other hand I'm scared of her reaction and the possible effects on our baby(she's now almost 3 months). I love this woman that's my wife and I want to spend my life with her, taking care of her till the end. So y'all please tell me if itll be a good thing to just lay myself bare to her or hold my tongue as long as I can. Edit: Holy shit! I didn't expect it to blw up. I been replyinh to sumn comments and phew it took a toll on me. Nvrthlss I welcome all Kinda criticism here. Brb and will Make sure to reply to most of your concerns. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zk45dz/update_my_wifes_surprise_stopped_me_from/) (12 Dec 22) **Update?: My wife's surprise stopped me from committing the biggest mistake in my life.** Idk how to phrase this as the matter has turned out to be new day new shit kinda thing. So well yeah going for the majority I decided not to disclose about the shit I tried pulling to my wife. She's more happier glowing and now that there's a bump shes more beautiful than ever. Coming to me I've actually started going to therapy and it was turning out well. The problem is around a week ago or more while I was scrolling through my wife's phone, I kinda went to her chats with Dave( ik might be an AH for this) well y'all know curiosity killed the cat and here it fuxked me over. One particular text caught my eye and it goes like Dave: do you think we would've been happier if it were just the both of us?? My wife: what you mean? And Dave didn't answer anything but just a Nevermind. This shit has fucked me over like i was a fresh outta recovering addict and there was sumn kinda free drinks forever thing going on. Not gonna lie a hundred scenarios came into my mind, that mf being close to my wife, all touchy and what fuxking not. Like wtf actually? Whose genuine buddies would ask if they'd be happier with each other than their with the partners? Bless my wife theres no those doubt awakening texts from her side altho can't say the same about Dave. He was pulling shits like hows the baby doing? Hows you, baby momma? And y'all can call me out on this but it pained me so much. the literal thought of someone else knowing about your baby before you that too someone who might be interested in your partner? I was gonna confront him but idk if it'd be the right time to do that?? I seriously dont have a clear idea about my wife but can say that whatever thing Dave wants she doesn't exactly reciprocate it. She doesn't have any friends in the town besides him and Tessa and shes been so happy planning about everything with them. I think im getting returned what I'd have made her feel in big time. And it's clearly a long path to decided wth we gonna do. I can confront him secretly but it wont take long before my wife finds out something is wrong and am afraid of her condition. I don't want to upset her more, nor I know how to bring this shit up smoothly so can y'all suggest me your advices. Also***** i had dropped the idea about getting dna test done but now a seed of doubt is in my head so cant say I'm sure of that unless I get a clear answer from both of them in near future. Also NO, I wont try to cheat on her again. Learned my lesson and thatd be it. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

My wife's surprise stopped me from committing the biggest mistake of my life.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpj06z/my_wifes_surprise_stopped_me_from_committing_the/

zpja80

**I am not OOP. OOP was u/**[**MiaOtt**](https://www.reddit.com/user/MiaOtt)**.** She deleted her account. She posted in r/JUSTNOMIL. I fixed a few spelling errors and changed acronyms to words. Big thanks to u/Unfair-Cookie for telling me about this story. **Long Post. Recovered updates at the bottom!!!** Your daily fun fact to cover up spoilers on mobile: u/runescapeowl requested frogs. When Darwin’s frog tadpoles hatch, a male frog swallows the tadpoles, keeps them in his vocal sac for about 60 days and allows them to grow. He then proceeds to cough up tiny, fully formed frogs. I've linked the source, the whole list is fucking wild. ([Image](https://www.iucn.org/sites/default/files/content/images/2020/ranita_de_darwin_del_sur_rhinoderma_darwinii_credito_claudio_azat.jpg), [Source](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/14-fun-facts-about-frogs-180947089/)) **Trigger Warnings:** >!Verbal abuse, infertility shaming, sexual harassment, suicide mention!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/e82epi/future_mother_in_law_doesnt_want_her_son_to_marry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: December 8, 2019** I'm sorry, I don't remember the exact term for my condition. Basically, I have the correct parts, none of them happen to work. My uterus cannot generate lining, so I can never get pregnant. The bright side is that I have never had a period in my life (I'm 32). My boyfriend's mother found this out, I don't know how, she may have heard a family member talking about it, my family knows about it, and several of his family members that I have told. When she found out and confronted me about it, she then forbade her son from marrying me because I couldn't provide him with children. Needless to say, we (my boyfriend and I) have discussed it and though a bit disappointed, are fine with it (me unable to conceive). She is now telling all her family members not to attend our future wedding because she doesn't want her son marrying someone "defective" who can't give him what she thinks he wants/needs. If she can come around and change her mind on this, that would be great, but as it is right now, I don't want her at the wedding, for fear of her doing or saying something to ruin the event, and he says that while he loves his mother, he is torn as to whether to invite her or not. We may just have a quick civil ceremony and only invite a few friends and relatives and tell her later, but she doesn't even want to come over when we invite her for dinner. Not sure what to do, getting tired of her calling me "defective" to everyone else. His father is OK with it, his aunts and uncles are understanding for the most part. We have talked about adoption in the future, but she is also against that as it is not "his blood" and wouldn't "really" be her grandchild. Just ranting here, thanks for reading. ***Relevant Comments:*** "For the commenter who said she would find something else anyway to complain about, my boyfriend's best friend came over for dinner last night and we told him that we might not have a wedding, just a simple civil service at the courthouse and told him that his (my boyfriend's) mother is the reason for our change in plans and he started trying to guess what could be the reason. It ranged from joking about my size (I'm 6'1" and 3 inches taller than my boyfriend, and yes, the weather is fine up here and no, I don't play or even like basketball, I get those a lot) to the fact that we are currently living together, pre-marriage. When we told him the actual reason (he already knew of my condition), he was quite shocked and said he'd be there for us no matter what. That and all of your positive comments on the situation have helped me to calm down. I was so upset about this and about to walk out the door and leave him and move on with my life and I definitely didn't want to feel like that was my only option. My boyfriend is going to confront his mother about it tomorrow night (he has to do some stuff for work tonight, thus the delay) and I'll update how that all turns out. Thanks again." *More about OOP's condition specifically:* "I do produce eggs and we have to use birth control, because the doctors don't want a fertilized egg starting where it shouldn't be. My best friend since I was 3 has volunteered to be a surrogate if we need one, but I don't want to take her up on that as all 3 of her births had complications so I wouldn't want to put her through more." **Update Comment: December 10, 2019 (Same Post)** "I have received two text messages today before tonight's confrontation; one good, one bad - The good one was from my future father-in-law who said that he's appalled by his wife's actions and he loves me like the daughter he never had and he thinks his son is fortunate to have found me. The second was from his aunt who basically said the same thing, but added that her sister (my future mother-in-law) spoke to her about the whole thing, asked her not to attend the wedding, and then made some comment about why do I even have breasts, it's not like I'm going to use them for anything. I am so nervous for tonight, my boyfriend has asked me not to come because he thinks my being there will make it worse, so after work I'm going to stay at home, order in a pizza and curl up on the couch and watch tv while petting the cat. That last part is not a euphemism, I get a lot of comfort playing with and petting my cat." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/e9qy1r/fmil_won_im_no_longer_in_her_sons_life/)**: December 12, 2019. (Future Mother-in-law won, I'm no longer in her son's life)** If you read my previous post on the matter, I can't have children, my soon to be mother in law didn't like that and did what she could to sabotage our future wedding, telling people not to attend, and calling me "defective". My future (no more) husband and his father were going to sit down with her Tuesday night and try to talk sense into her. Well, she won. I don't know what happened or what was said, but my boyfriend came home and we got into a big fight. Despite what we had discussed before, he now said that he wanted kids and if I couldn't provide them, the wedding was off. I basically said "that sounds like your mother, not you", he replied with "I can speak for myself" and it escalated into a bunch of shouting at each other and I quickly put together a bag and went to my parents for the evening. I called in sick from work the next day and basically stared at the ceiling. We first met when I was 9, 23 years ago, it went from being friends to more romantic, we dated through high school and went to college together, then after graduation, moved in together. I have never dated or seen anyone else, neither has he as far as I know. We waited so long to get married, because it wasn't important to us as long as we were together. That changed when my dad got a terminal disease and he expressed his wish to walk me down the aisle (I'm his only daughter) before he became too ill to walk. I'll be giving 2 month notice at work on Monday, to give them time to find a replacement and for me to train them, then moving back to Germany. (I didn't mention that my dad is German, my mom American, they originally met when she went there for work) I was born there and lived there at first and still have friends and family there. My friend, who I had mentioned before had volunteered to be a surrogate, has said I can stay in her spare room with her and her family until I get situated on my own there. I'm sorry, no happy ending here. The evil mother in law won and got me out of her son's life. Technically, she got me out of the country. I know I could move elsewhere in town, or even in the state, but I don't want to be alone here, there's too many memories, and I have a strong support group (friends/family) overseas so that's where I'm going. I have been picked on so many times for so many things over the years (from my height to my accent when I first moved here (gone now, I sound like any other midwestern girl) to other things), but this one hurts. I was able to handle the others by telling myself "that's who I am, if they don't like it, that's their problem" and I'm sure in a few years, I'll think that about this situation too, but it's too soon. Thanks for reading and your kind words of support. I'm sorry if this seems incoherent, I'm just ranting here and crying, so it's hard to keep a decent train of thought. **Update in Comments: Same Day (Same post)** First of all, thank you all for your support and kind comments. Two weird things happened today, One I'm extremely embarrassed about and the other I thought was just weird. First, on my lunch hour, I had to run to the grocery store to pick up some things for my mom for dinner tonight. At the grocery store, who should I happen to run into but she-who-once could have been my mother in law. I don't know what to call her, so she will be Barbie. Walking down an aisle, who should happen to appear at the other end, but Barbie. We made brief eye contact, then she immediately turned and bolted out of there. guess she had nothing to say. The second thing was my dad came with me to the house to help me pack up my things. He's already agreed to act as my representative when the house is sold to make sure I get my fair share. While there, he stands in the corner and just glares at my ex the whole time. Then my ex has this brilliant idea to ask for "one last time" right in front of my father. I guess I kinda snapped. I grabbed my sweater (you can guess what part of me was right under it that I grabbed) and said "You are never going to see these, much less touch them or play with them again or anything else" he turned red and walked out the door, and my dad went from staring with a "You hurt my daughter, you're lucky to be alive" look to just bursting out in laughter once the door closed behind my ex. He then said "I can't believe you just did that" to which I replied "neither can I". for this and the rest of my story, anytime my dad and I speak to each other, I am translating it to English beforehand rather than typing it twice. I just basically felt myself up in front of my dad. we then went home for dinner with my mom and halfway through, my mom asked "what does Vanessa's (the girl I'm moving in with in Germany) husband do again?" and I just lost it. a perfectly honest question, but I just let it all go in big braying sobs. After a while, my dad came over and carried me upstairs to bed like he used to do when I was 5, where I am typing this now on my laptop. I told him to tell mom that she did nothing wrong, I just needed to release and unfortunately for her, that was the time. A lady at work already volunteered to take my cat, and my dad will store stuff like my tennis trophies and yearbooks and pictures upstairs at his house. He said that even though I may not want those photos now, perhaps in 5 years or so, I will want them, so he's gonna keep them until I'm ready to take them back. Thanks again for all your kind words and support. I will update as warranted and answer any further questions if I can. **Update Comment: December 13, 2019** Well, I gave notice at work today, had some more weirdness, and am now lying in bed with my laptop. First - while at lunch today, a dozen roses came with a note that simply said "I'm sorry". No more, no less, but I recognized the handwriting. I asked my coworker if she would like them to give to her little daughter at home and when she said "no, I know why you got them and I don't feel right taking them", so in the trash they went with the note. I was going to wait until Monday to give notice, but the gossip factory had been running full time the last couple of days, so I went and told my boss that I'm leaving, but I'll stay to help train a replacement. My last day is ironically Valentine's Day. What the hell, I've got nothing else to do that day. I'll spend two weeks after that here saying bye to people, going to a few of my favorite places in town and then on February 29, my parents are going to drive me to Chicago, about 4 hours away, and I leave for Munich on March 1. My friend Vanessa lives in Munich, so I'll stay at her place a few days while I try to figure out where to go and what to do. My hometown is about a 2-1/2 hour drive away and I still have family there, so I'll decide between now and then which one to base myself in. It's a small town(maybe about 40,000, I'm not sure the exact number, but it does have a castle and a large tin soldier museum), so I don't know if I'll stay in Munich (more opportunities), go up there and try to find something, or go somewhere else in Germany, like Hamburg or berlin. I also went to the realtor who's selling the house and had to sign a bunch or papers giving my father authority to make any decisions regarding selling. the lady said no problem, she has a lot of experience with divorcing couples, and all I thought was "I was never even married". I came home and we had dinner, then my mother and I sat down and she braided my hair. It has always been our thing to do this for mommy-daughter time. We did it for the big "It's not just for peeing" talk, when I was first diagnosed with my condition, before the state tennis tournament, when I went away to college, basically big moments. I think this counts as one of those. Then my ex's best friend called, said he heard what happened, said it was pretty crappy (he used stronger language. but there might be children reading this) and wanted me to come over for an evening with his family before I left. I was more friends with his wife than him, but I'll go anyway. Again, I can't thank this community enough for their support and kind words. sorry if I branch into irrelevant topics at times, but I just type as I think, and this is all going faster than I thought. Last week, I thought I might have to start planning for a wedding, and now, I'm planning on leaving the country and starting my life over. My mother also suggested we go to the zoo in Chicago on my last day in America. I went there when we first moved to America, she thinks it would make the perfect bookend to my whole 23-year stay in America. It seems like just yesterday when we moved into a new house and a nice boy and his mother came over, brought us a basket of cookies, and welcomed us to the neighborhood while I was out front keeping my dog away from the movers. times (and people) sure do change. ***Relevant Comments:*** *A user is rightfully disgusted and baffled at the "one last time" comment:* "He was never like that or I wouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place. It's almost as if his switch was suddenly switched from "good" to "evil" (Simpson's reference). He used to be embarrassed to even hint in front of my father that we were having sex, then he has no problem asking for one last time in front of him. My co-worker said that I should treat it as if he had died, and mourn the loss and move on, and someone else took his place. I also don't know why after receiving supportive emails from a couple of his family members (his father and aunt), I've now heard nothing since from either of them. I didn't know his mom had that much power over them. Then again, I didn't know until recently how much power she had over my ex." *A commenter hypothesizes maybe he would have been written out of the will:* "I would have thought that too, but they don't make much, enough to live on, and have no holdings I am aware of. But maybe there's a secret stash somewhere that only family knows about." **Update in Comments: December 19, 2019** Update- warning; there is an act of violence in here and I'm still shaking from it. No, the main one wasn't against me depending on how you define violence. My ex came over to my parents tonight and said he wanted to talk. I have a good idea what he hoped would happen, but it definitely did not. We had a brief chat in which he said he was sorry and I told him I was moving back home to Germany soon. He started to tear up and so did I. I take responsibility for giving him the opening that was about to happen. We're both crying and we start hugging. As we're hugging, I don't notice one of his hands moving down my back to my ass until he gets a good handful of ass cheek and squeezes it. As soon as it registered in my brain what he was doing, I stepped back and let loose with my 6'1", 155 lbs. (I'm a big girl) and 25+ years of developing a good forehand in tennis and just slapped him in the face. My hand still stings from the force of it. He staggered back and I just pointed to the door and yelled "get out!" though I may have added some naughty words with it. He looked shocked at me and hung his head and just walked out the door. After I heard him get in his car, start it, and drive off, I broke down in tears. My father, who had been waiting and listening outside the room the entire time (he later explained it as listening to see if I needed backup), came in the room to me crying more at this point and he started to give me a big hug. A couple minutes later while he's holding me, I thought that he might reach down and squeeze the other ass cheek. That thought sent me into hysterical laughter. We stood there holding each other while I'm alternating between laughing and crying. My mother comes downstairs and fixes us all something to drink. A few minutes later, my phone rings and according to caller ID, it's Barbie (my ex's mother and the one who started this all). Now I did not hear her side of the conversation, so anything attributed to her is what my father told me later. She basically says she's gonna call the cops on me for assaulting her son and my father says it was justifiable self-defense, my ex attacked me first (the ass squeeze) and we have cameras to show the whole thing to the cops should they show up (we don't, but she doesn't need to know that). She hung up and I haven't seen a cop since so I don't know if she was bluffing or my dad's threat scared her off. Now I will admit that I miss the physical part of our relationship and he was my first and only at many things (first date, first kiss, first sex, etc.), but none of that outweighs the hurt he and his mother caused me. I would rather go celibate for life rather than let him touch me again. I shouldn't have let him hug me in the first place, but it was a weak moment and I know not to let him do that again. Again, thank you for reading and the kind words of support. I thought I wasn't going to update again after the last one, and yet something else happened. Hopefully, unless it is a response to something written here or a message, you won't get another update from me until I am in Germany and away from this mess. It's late and I'm going to bed now. **Update in Comments: January 14, 2020** Update: one mystery solved Throughout this whole ordeal, there have been 2 mysterious things I had no answer for. 1 is why did he suddenly change his mind and 2. How did Barbie (his mother) find out? It wasn't common knowledge, nor did I tell her. I had my suspicions as to how and yesterday, they were confirmed. Was downtown on my lunch break. Been training the new girl who's replacing me, she seems really nice and capable, I would have liked to work with her if the circumstances were different. At lunch, I ran into Steve, his friend and neighbor who he's known since he was 3 (or 6 years pre-Mia). He said he had heard about us. He said it was a shame that we had "broken up" and wanted to know if it had anything to do with my infertility. Now, I had not told Steve, he wasn't a close enough friend to confide in, so I asked what he knew of my "infertility". He then told me the whole story. This is from his point of view and I'm only relaying what he said, so may not be 100% accurate: Steve and Jack (my ex) were working on Steve's car (don't know what kind, only that it's from the 60's (I'm not a car girl, never have been. 4 wheels, an engine, and a good stereo system is all I need to know. If you ask me what kind, I would say it's blue and old, nothing more). Now, before this, we had a very informal proposal: what do you want on your toast, it looks like it's gonna rain today, should we get married. so they went to Jack's parents house, he wanted an old heirloom ring that had been in his family for centuries and wanted to make a formal proposal. He asked where it was and why he wanted it, and his mom ran crying with glee upstairs to find it. when she came back down with it, she was crying and said it would be nice to have the pitter patter of tiny feet around the house and was I currently pregnant? It seemed odd to her, I guess, that we were getting married after 16 years of dating/living together, so she thought maybe he had knocked me up and that's why the proposal after so many years. He said we already had the pitter patter of tiny feet in Babette (my cat), she said "No, I mean a baby, silly) and he responded with "Mia can't have babies" and then proceeded to tell her my whole medical situation. she said something like "this isn't going to happen", went back upstairs, returned the ring, and slammed the door. the next day is when she forbid (forbade?) me from marrying him, started calling me "defective" and started this whole story. After telling me this story, I told Steve that yes, that is one factor in our break-up, he said "what a shame, you two made a great couple", and Jack was probably devastated. I then said bye and went on to lunch, and when I got home later that day, I went to my room and cried into my pillow before my father came up to get me for dinner. I had always suspected that he told her somehow, and while it's not a big state-secret, it's not something I have ever felt comfortable telling people. Now that I am telling this story on this site, I have no problem saying "my parts don't work" to complete strangers and it's been comforting. thank you all for your support, and I leave for Germany on March 1st. I'll try to answer any questions you may have for me before then, but I guarantee nothing as I'll be kind of busy with packing and doing my "farewell tour" around town (saying bye to old friends, going to restaurants I like and won't be back to in years, if ever, things like that). So that's one mystery solved, and the other could be solved if he would just answer it, rather than taking any form of communication I have with him as some sort of desire for him to get in my pants. Thanks again for your words and support, and barring something big happening between now and then, the next part of my story will come after March 1. **Update in Comments: April 10, 2020** Two part update. We'll start with the good first. I left America March 1 and flew to Munich. Sat next to an elderly lady who was scared to death of flying, but was going to visit her son and his family (I don't remember what he did or why he was in Germany). So for the 10 or so hours we were in the air, she held my arm in a death grip and anytime we hit an air pocket or shook around a little (it was a relatively smooth flight with just a few bumps here and there) she gripped even tighter and later I discovered I had a bruise, but fortunately her nails didn't dig in. After deplaning and going through customs, she met up with her son and his family. This happened before all the quarantine and isolation started in earnest, so not much of a problem there. Then all the fun started with the quarantine and I've spent most of my time at my friend's house, tutoring her kids in English and generally helping out around the house. I had 3 interviews scheduled before I got here, but they were all cancelled. My Uncle up in Kulmbach has volunteered to drive the 3 hours down and take me back up there, but I haven't decided yet. The bad - apparently Jack (my ex) has been having a hard time with this. Normally, when I and the family flew back to Germany in the past, we flew out of Cedar Rapids, up to Chicago or Minneapolis then flew on to Germany. Apparently, from what a friend told me, he drove out to the Cedar Rapids airport, not knowing we had driven up to Chicago and I flew direct from there. when I didn't show up there, he went home and figured he got the time/date wrong. He sent a few letters to my house, I had my mother open and read one to me on the phone, but shortly stopped her. Even though my mother and I have been open about my sex life, there were things in that letter I didn't feel like hearing or having her hear. The letters stopped when he lost his job for non-quarantine related reasons and later wound up in jail. Nobody has been able to tell me exactly what happened, but best guess from what I've been told, one night, he got into a shouting match with his mother, which turned physical and his dad had to peel him off her until the cops showed up and arrested him, so I guess things got pretty bad so that one of the neighbors called the cops. I never would have expected this from him with anybody, much less his mom. If only he could have fought this hard for me way back when, things might be different. So, as of this update, I'm sitting around with not much to do, but at least I'm not in jail. Sorry for any errors, I loaned my laptop to my friend's son and it hasn't worked properly since, though he claims he did nothing bad to it. He's a good kid, so I believe him that it was probably just an accident. Hope everyone is staying safe and doing as well as can be during this time. auf wiedersehen. -Mia ***Comment April 13, 2020:*** Thank you for your kind comments. the older lady on the plane was funny, when she sat down, she said "shprecken zee english?" (Intentionally misspelled to demonstrate how bad it was.) I hope things are well with her and she's able to get back to America eventually. There is a restaurant in Munich I was looking forward to going to, but that's been put off for a while I guess. I have no idea what his intention in going to the airport was. If he thought there might be a "talk her out of going" moment, or just to simply say goodbye. I asked my mother to save up all the letters and mail them to me in a few months just out of curiosity. Maybe I'll read them on my birthday (July 12) - yet another thing to think about and ponder for a while. Thanks again for your kind words and stay safe out there." ***Comment April 14, 2020:*** Thank you and I saw no problem with your english. I had been thinking of calling him while I was here, but his recent troubles have made me rethink it. I have no idea how you call someone currently in jail. If I am motivated enough, I might try it. He only mailed the letters to my parents' house in Iowa because he has no clue, other than Germany, where I am right now. I am hoping that when this virus thing blows over, I will return to America for a visit in 2 years and maybe I will feel comfortable by then to see him in person. It's like he had a complete personality change and that's what mystifies me the most. He went from quiet and reserved to some sort of deviant maniac and now I wonder when at some time in our marriage (if it had gone through), he would have laid his hands on me, like he did with his mother. To answer a previous question, I will be 33 in July and he will also be 33 in October. I have been to a lot of European countries, but Spain has not been one of them. Maybe once I get established here, it will be easier for me to jet over and check it out. Thank you again for your kind words. Stay safe during this current crisis. **Edit:** u/Simple_Enthusiasm_51 **found some more posts.** [Post 1](https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/g49jsj/update_from_germany_i_talked_to_him/) **April 19 2020** I actually spoke to him yesterday on the phone. when last I updated, he had been arrested and thrown in jail for assaulting his mother. I don't know if he's out on bail, or there were no charges, or what, but he has spent the last few days sittting in my parent's front yard, doing nothing but sitting. My dad said he was going to go out there and kick his ass, but my mom, who's definitely the cooler headed of the two, went out there and calmly told him I was gone and he should pick up and start his life over too. She called me and told me this, so I decided to call him, which I did last night. He answered and sounded kind of relieved it was me, but also sad. J=Jack (my ex), M=me (or Mia, either one works). This is the conversation to the best of my memory: J: Hello M: Hello, I understand you're out in my parent's front yard. Well, I'm not there, so please leave them alone. J: I was hoping that the rumors I heard weren't true, that you were still here and we could talk. M: I tried talking before and you just took it as a chance to grab my ass and act as if sex could solve this whole thing. J: I'm sorry, I've never broken up before, so I'm not sure how to go about it. M: I've never broken up before either, but I think I've handled it better. I just gotta know - why? J: I have to do what my mother says, and she wasn't happy when she found out you couldn't have children. M: You're 32, I don't think you have to do what your mother says anymore. J: you just don't understand. M: I do understand. We had discussed the problem before and had come up with solutions which apparently aren't satisfactory to her, so you threw our relationship away. Did it mean that little to you? J: You didn't have to go away. When are you coming back? M: Not for a couple of years. Once this whole pandemic thing is over, I can hopefully find a job and my own place to stay. J: Come back, please. M: I'm sorry, but you made your choice. Barbie (his mother) or me. I hope the two of you are quite happy together. throughout all of this, he is crying, and I'm doing my best not to. J: Please come back, we can get married and adopt or whatever. I'm sorry, we can find a way to work this out. M: I told you there were always alternatives, but you threw those away along with me. Plus, Barbie's going around calling me defective and she won't accept us adopting, how does that change? J: You're not defective. I'm sorry, but I can't control what she thinks. M: No, but you support what she thinks. You've known this about me since we were 16, suddenly it's an issue. J: I don't like her calling you defective. In case you hadn't heard, I just spent time in jail for defending you. M: Maybe if you had done that when this all started, I'd still be there. I think that broke him, because he kept quietly whispering "sorry" over and over and then hung up. I just laid on the bed and quietly cried until viktoria (my friend's oldest child) knocked quietly and told me it was time for dinner. sorry for the formatting, still trying to get used to how reddit works. Also sorry if I came across as a bitch in this, but when someone throws away a relationship that goes back to childhood, I can be a bit upset. Hope everyone is staying safe through this whole pandemic thing and hopefully, when it's all over, I can get on with my life here in Germany [Post 2](https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ghvfut/update_from_a_different_part_of_germany/) **May 11 2020** Warning: there is talk of suicide in here, not me, just someone else in the story hinting at it so, I moved out of my friend vanessa's this weekend. Her family was incredibly nice in taking me in, but when we first planned this, it was pre-virus, and I thought I'd have my own place and a job and everything. My uncle said he would drive down and pick me up and I felt better taking his offer than continuing down there. So, he came down Saturday, spent the night with some friends of his, and we drove back up to Kulmbach on Sunday, where I am currently staying with him and his wife and typing this out before bed. It's weird being here, given I was born here and lived my first 9 years here, but even when I've been here on vacation in the past, it never felt as strange just being here. I don't know if it's the feeling of the town being deserted, or my current personal situation, it just doesn't feel right. Anyway, that's enough of miscellaneous rambling, I'm just trying to avoid typing the real part of this story if you couldn't tell. Friday night, Jack (my ex) called me. I still have the same phone and the same account back in Iowa, so when it rang with his distinct ring tone, it caught me by surprise. I picked it up and said, "Whaddya want?", which I know was a bit rude and I apologized to him about it as soon as he said, "I just wanted to see how you were doing and say hi". So, we proceeded to have a pleasant conversation, when I could hear screeching and a "is that her?" followed by him saying "I'm talking, leave me alone" when she (Barbie, his mother who started all this) got on and said, "Leave my son alone, haven't you done enough damage?" To which I responded by simply hanging up. She must have gotten his phone and tried calling me a few more times, none of which I answered, but when I checked voice mails later, she was going off on how I "ruined his life", how he had lost his job (which we knew was going to happen anyway last year when the owner of his company announced his retirement and that he was selling off the assets, but he gave one year notice and even helped some employees find work elsewhere, he had lost his house (we sold our house after our breakup), he had been caught "drinking in public" (I guess he bought a few bottles, went down near the lake and drank in the park and got busted by the police for it, heard that from another friend earlier, and how he had attacked her (mentioned before, but I secretly hoped he would have decked her good before his dad intervened). She even got to use her favorite word, "defective", saying that if she had known 16 years ago that I was defective, she would have gotten her son a nice, normal girl to be with. She also mentioned that Jack had talked about suicide recently, saying there's no point in going on. i tried calling back, but every time, she picked up the phone and resumed her screaming, so I gave up trying and just wrote him a letter, which I sent to my parents for them to deliver to his house, figuring barbie would just see it was from me and intercept it if I sent it to him directly. I told him that I still loved him and wanted him to do well in life and move on, but that it was over between us. So, here I am 5000 miles away, civilization shut down, living with my aunt and uncle and just waiting for when I can put my life back together. Thanks for reading, and sorry about any formatting errors. I think I'll put up my laptop now and go to sleep.

Future mother in law doesn't want her son to marry "defective" merchandise

INCONCLUSIVE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpja80/future_mother_in_law_doesnt_want_her_son_to_marry/

zpo0qj

[removed]

Am I the only one who finds it difficult to find downloaded files videos or audios in iPhone?

EXTERNAL

learning-Pro-001

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpo0qj/am_i_the_only_one_who_finds_it_difficult_to_find/

zps8n7

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/surv_life in r/trueoffmychest. **Trigger Warning** - >!assault, incest!< **Mood Spoiler** - >!L birth family, W husband!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z833yi/when_i_was_a_teenager_my_brother_assaulted_me_my/) (1 Dec 22) **When I was a teenager my brother assaulted me. My parents never belived me and did nothing. Now they demand me to save my father and apologize to my brother.** When I was a teenager, my brother assaulted me. Despite Im 2 years older than him, he was bigger and stronger than me. He threated me with hurting me, that no one would believe me, and kept doing it until I had enough and told my parents about it. Sadly, he was rigth. My parents didnt believed me. They were really mad and punished me hard, for "saying that horrible things about my brother". He was always their favorite, so they couldnt believe he done that. I tried really hard to convince them, even showed my mother the bruises on my legs and the marks of his bites, but she refused to believe me. The moment I was able to, I ran away from home. For years I resent them, even hated them. My brother for the abuse and my parents for doing nothing to help me. They only knew the truth because one day my brother was really drunk and told my dad about it (he told him how I was "his first" and how much fun he got from me). They contacted me, and I believed they would apologize, offer me help, or even make my brother face the consecuences of what he did, but no, my mother idea was that everyone must admit we all do wrong, we all made mistakes, and forgive each other for everything, so we could keep that in the past and became a happy and united family again. I left them and never talked to them again. Thats the moment I decided they were not my family anymore. Now, in the present, after several years, lots of struggles and a long time in therapy, Im finally having a happy life. Im married with a wonderful man, and aiming to some day start a family with him. Until recently my mother found me. My father is sick, his liver is failing, and needs a new one. My mother knows that my blood type is the same as my father's, so he reached me to make me test, so I could donate my liver to him. I told her no. I just cant, no to him, no to any of them. She said that I owe him that at least, that I was being an ungrateful daughter, that he is my father and thats the least I can do for the family, that I have no right to be so spiteful for a "silly teenage mistake", and I was kiling him for saying no. I tried to stay strong, until one day my brother contacted my husband. Beside telling him about my father situation and how I said no, he told him lots of awful things and lies about me, saying how I used to be a "easy one", a liar, that I offered myself to everyone, he even lied on how I took advantage of him, even mentioned details of my body that would be imposible to know in a normal situation. He pointed me as the worst scumbag that ever lived. My husband didnt knew anything about my past. I only told him that my family was abusive, bit never told him everything. He didnt believed him, but he wanted to know the truth and asked me my version. I broke down and cried like never before while I told him everything. He hugged me all the time, making me feel protected. My mother and brother are still harassing me, trying to guilt me until I acept to do the tests. They even demanded me to apologize to them. My husband has helped me a lot with them, keeping them away. I feel like Im back in my teenage years, feeling so scare, weak and vulnerable. I believed i had overcome that part of my life, but I see I haven't [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zkdt7q/update_when_i_was_a_teenager_my_brother_assaulted/) (13 Dec 22) **Update: When I was a teenager my brother assaulted me. My parents never belived me and did nothing. Now they demand me to save my father and apologize to my brother.** I want to thank all of you, this last few days had been terrifiying. Lots of things happened and I dont know where to start. I felt weak and defenseless and I was about to break multiple times, but all your support helped a lot, helped me to comprehend I'm not the monster here, that they had no rigth of anything from me, having people telling me almost everyday that they are the evil ones and the support of my husband had make me stay strong. I'm dont know how to say thank you enough to all of you. After reading your comments, I tried to take all your advices. I asked to talk with them, to get information and maybe some recordings, my husband stayed at my side all the time (thing that my mother hated, saying multiple times that he had nothing to do there, that this was an "only family" issue, that she doesnt recognize him as my husband because we never married on their community's church, but I told them he is with me, even if they dont like it). They were'nt lying, my dad is dying and is way worse that I thougth, he need my liver ASAP, and aparently I was their last option. They belived that I would bend and do anything they ordered the moment they contacted me, just as I used to when I was a child, but not anymore. As some suggested, I started to record every conversation with my phone. I tried to make them admit about the abuse and their role in it (because, as some told me to, I investigated and what my brother did to me does not prescribe), but it was meaningless, mom just keep saying that never happened, that all was lies, that I'm insane and only wanted to hurt the family. I even told my dad that I would take the test if they helped me, to testify or sign a document saying what my brother did to me, but again, it was useless. Mom keep saying that never happened and I was lying, and dad... he acted like I insulted him, saying things like "How I dare to try to extort them with something like that, that I should be ashamed for everything I did to THEM, and that I should be the one kneeling in front of them, begging for their forgiveness and offering everything I had to save his life". After everything that happened, even in that situation, they still believe I'm the problematic child they always claimed I was, that they still had authority over me, and that I owe them this. I was done after that. I told them I'm not doing that, that they have no rigth to ask me anything, that I dont considered them my parents since they enabled my brother to abuse me. My husband and I left them, but all the way to the car my mother followed us, yelling at me for "killing my own father", she even quote the bible saying that "I should obey my father and mother, but looks like I wanted to add another sin to my list". Since then the harassment became worst. I'm getting called every day, lots of awfull texts, calling me selfish, calling me murderer. I tried my best to keep and look strong but I had been breaking in tears every day at the shower, it still hurts. We tried for the restriction order but is going to be stupidly slow, as they dont believe I'm in inmediatly risk, and because is december and people dont do much on this days. But my breaking point arrived 2 days ago, when my mother called again. I take all the calls and record them, to try to have something that help me, in case she say something or admit what my brother did. But this time she went rigth to hurt me. She always knew how to hurt me, what buttons press, she told me lots of awfull things, like how they told everyone in their comunity that I ran away because I was an addict and became a protitute, that I was a shame, that I will burn in hell for killing my father, for lie and turn my back to the family. She told me how I was broken merch, that no one would ever really love me for not being pure, that "that man" (that's how she call my husband) would use me, get bored and leave me as the trash I am, and that every men would do the same. She kept on it for 30 minutes, I tried to reply at the begining, make her say something, make her to commit a mistake, but at some point it was too much, I couldnt stand anymore and break. My husband found me on the floor, I was a crying mess, shaking, I tried to be strong, to face them, to maybe find some justice for what he did, but I couldnt take it anymore, I'm not that strong. He hugged me while I cried, I begged him to never leave, to love me, to take me away from there, I didnt want to know anything about them. He let me cry and supported me until I fell sleep, I dont know how he did it but I woke up in bed. It was 4 a.m. when I woke up, he was still awake, taking care of me. I told him that I couldnt do it anymore, I cant stand against this, the trasplant, trying to make my brother pay, I was done, and just wanted to escape. He told me the we would do anything I wanted, as long as I was safe and happy. Yesterday, he came to me, and asked me if I really meaned what I said about an escape. I told him yes, I wanted to just get out, turn off my phone, and to dont think about any of this, so I was impatient for our trip (every year we stay with his family for christmas and new year, his family is amazing and those days are super fun). Well, he said that we could have a little vacations before our vacations. He said that, after a little research, he got us a trip to Las Vegas and Disney. He got everything ready, only needed to confirm, so he was asking me if I really wanted to get out. I was livid. I freaking LOVE Disney and always wanted to go to Disneyland. I wanted to say yes, but how are we going to pay it? We are not poor and have some savings, but everything he was offering me sounds really expensive. To put you in context, my husband loves videogames, and, beside our own savings, he has been saving to buy a complete gaming setup. He wanted to buy it for his birthday, but he told me that, after he saw me, and how I was, he needed to do something, so he decided to take that money and use it. This is one of the most beautiful things he had done for me, I cried and hugged him. So now, we are going to USA!!. I'm aware this is not a solution, and these monsters will still be there when I return, but with this I'm getting away from them, to have peace and fun and to be surrounded of people that love and care about me. To me, that is a win. I notified the hospital that I'm being preassured for the trasplant, and that I dont want to do it. Now, no matter what, I'm not giving him anything. I send a final text to my mother, saying I will never do it, to stop harrasing me and never try to talk to me again, and that I will go to the police and do everything I can to put my brother in jail, I dont want any of them in my life again. I blocked my mother's number and every unknow number that they had used this days, in going full no contact again. It's going to be hard, long and painful, but I had my husband support, and all you beautiful Reddit people. Again, thank you, and happy holidays to everyone. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

When I was a teenager my brother assaulted me. My parents never belived me and did nothing. Now they demand me to save my father and apologize to my brother.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zps8n7/when_i_was_a_teenager_my_brother_assaulted_me_my/

zpvvo5

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/similar-light1034 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zed43s/my_husband_wanted_to_sleep_with_other_people_now/) (7 Dec 22) **My husband wanted to sleep with other people, now he’s upset about me doing it** My husband basically begged for a year, maybe longer, to sleep with other people. He knew I didn’t want it. I told him no over and over and over. I was crying so many times after he would ask. I told him I was depressed about it, I didn’t want it, why does he want other people. He said it’s nothing about me, he just wants to see what its like with other people. That i look good but he isn’t doing it because of looks. Basically just wanted to try anyone else. After he wouldn’t stop I said fine. I told him I didn’t want to do it but he would not quit asking so fine just go for it. He did some stuff with a person but not full blown sex. That’s all he’s done. He told me when he was begging that whole time that I can do it too and I can go have fun and go away for the night. Well I wasn’t that interested but I started talking to someone and the conversation just went that way. I haven’t felt wanted like this in forever. Keep in mind he told me a week ago I can go find someone and just tell him when I’m going. So I told him last week I’m talking to someone, then the other night said ok I’m going to do it. Well then he comes to me the next day and says he was so sad about it and couldn’t sleep all night and he is scared I’m going to leave him. I told him honestly I’m pretty pissed because I felt like that for a year and he knew how I didn’t want to do it but he kept begging so he’s getting what he wanted. So now he’s saying he regrets it and he feels bad for doing that to me. I told him oh well he did it and it’s bullshit to change it when it’s benefitting me. I honestly might divorce if he tells me I can’t because he put me through so much shit. I do not want to be a single mom but I am pretty mad about this. I gave him what he wanted after all of that torment and heartache and now he is pulling this. He said he hasn’t changed his mind but if he does then I’m done. He wanted this, he got it. He didn’t care about how much it hurt me. Edit - I wanted to add more info.. about being a single mom, I’ve been a stay at home mom a long time. I have absolutely no family or help nearby, I’m alone. Half of me feels it isn’t fair that I should have to go struggle alone because of his choice to do this. He will be fine. He makes great money. I’m the one being punished. I feel like maybe at this point i might have to but it just adds to the hurt that I am going to have to struggle so much for something I never asked for. I didn’t sign up for this. I signed up for a family. I didn’t finish school and I will not find a good paying job. I have no idea how to afford this. And it makes me sad I won’t be able to be there as much for my daughter anymore if I do this. I know parents do it all the time but I liked the life I had before this happened. It just doesn’t feel fair. Being a stay at home mom worked for us because he works a ton, constantly, and goes out of town for work trips and we didn’t have to worry about 2 work schedules. I just got to be a mom and focus on my family. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zkjh1z/update_my_husband_wanted_to_sleep_with_other/) (13 Dec 22) **(UPDATE) My husband wanted to sleep with other people, but now he’s upset about me doing it** Well things are still kind of in limbo right now. We got into a couple fights since that last post and I think we have talked a lot and gotten a lot of things out of the way. Honestly I’ve never seen my husband that sad or worried before, I’ve only seen him cry twice and he was crying over this. Right now, we are not divorcing. Not sure if I’m even interested in the other guy anymore, we haven’t been talking much. Because of his end, not mine. During the first fight we had I told my husband I don’t care what he says, I’m doing it either way since he wanted it. And I told him he’s just mad he hasn’t found anyone. He said maybe that’s true but he’s not sure. So then he was depressed a few days because I said I’m gonna do whatever I wanna do. But now that’s I’m losing interest in the other guy we might just close it off on both ends and go to therapy. We also might keep it open though. The other thing is I think my husband has had a porn addiction the last year. There were times he’d rather have that than me. And i told him I think he has one. Since this has happened he told me he thinks I was right and he stopped watching it. Honestly I think he does feel bad and he does want to try. He knows I’m mad that he put me through all of that but he says he didn’t realize it made me so depressed. Not sure how he didn’t notice but whatever. I just want to say, besides this issue he is a really good husband and dad. He isn’t a bad person,and I do want to try to work through this. It’s not like I have anything else going on anyways. If I am ever single again I am staying that way. I’ve been divorced before, but had no kids together. My ex was horrible and controlling. He would pin me against the wall or floor if I was upset at his behavior and tell me I wasn’t allowed to move until I stopped crying. Did lots of other shit too but you get the idea. My husband isn’t like that at all. And before this things were fine. So maybe we can get back there, I wanna try at least. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

My husband wanted to sleep with other people, now he’s upset about me doing it.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpvvo5/my_husband_wanted_to_sleep_with_other_people_now/

zpy9wj

[removed]

OOP "MIL" posts in AITA about wanting her brother invited to her daughter's wedding. Redditors smell BS. OOP "Fiancée" posts updates in JUSTNOMIL.

CONCLUDED

cbm984

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpy9wj/oop_mil_posts_in_aita_about_wanting_her_brother/

zpyapm

I am not the OOP and to avoid potentially brigading her, I will not link her profile here. [***Original***](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/rxqttu/told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what_ruined/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)***- Told my mom that her coming out is what ruined things between us - Jan 06, 2022*** I tried posting this elsewhere but I think it got caught in a spam filter and the mods haven't responded. I don't know if this is the right place to go either since I'm 16 F. Like I mostly live with my dad but I spend a weekend every month with mom. They divorced three years ago. Mom moved in with my cousin and it was cool cause I went there all the time. Like a year and a half ago mom made me go there, introduced me to this girl and came out to me and said they were dating. She and her fiancee are engaged now. She also said they were moving to Victoria in a week. So yeah, after a week she was gone. From where I am to her it's a drive, a ferry ride and then another drive. It takes a while to see her that's why I can only go once a month. Since she left everything's so sucky between us. Now its like a good morning message and FT good night for 5 minutes. And everything else that changed with her just dipping like that sucks too. I don't even like visiting her cause its like I don't belong with her and her fiancee but I went cause I thought that she wanted to see me and I miss her a lot every day. This weekend I was in Victoria and she was FT my cousin while I studied and they got to wedding talk. She said stuff like how her life is 100x better since she left, how she's finally got real happiness in her fiancee, her fianceeis her world now and can't wait to fully move on from her old life. It just made me so freaking angry like her life is so much better with me barely in it? And move on from that old life? I'm from that old life! I guess she noticed I was pissed cause at night she tried to talk to me. I said I didn't want to talk but she's like she deserves to know when something's wrong with her girl since I always seem so depressed whenever I come over and that just made me snap and I lost it and started shouting at her. I was like I fucking hate the way she came out cause my life got a lot worse and it ruined things between us and it sucks that it's like she wants me gone cause she's happier without me. That started a pretty bad argument cause she was like I'm blowing it out of proportion, I just don't understand and then mom just left the room but I heard her crying when I walked by her room to go to the washroom at night. In the morning her fiancee drove me to the ferry right after breakfast instead of after dinner. Since then it was just texts cause I didn't want to talk to her. My dad and his gf have noticed my attitude so yesterday I told them what happened and he flipped telling me I couldnt say that shit to my mom and his gf said I was an asshole for saying it. Before I went to sleep I FTd mom to talk again and she said my happiness is hers and if she's why I'm depressed I shouldn't see her til I'm ready. Now I don't know like if I was wrong to say that shit to mom or what I should do even (my fucking counselor is still in Barbados). My dad's at work and his gf's like she's staying out of it and my cousin did too. Again sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. If there's a better one for me to post since the other one I tried doesn't seem to be it either please let me know. [***1st Update***](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/siwo00/update_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***- Feb 02, 2022*** So a lot of shit has happened since my last post and I just feel more shit than before. I didn't plan on posting here again but you all were so nice I thought it couldn't hurt to hear what you have to say. But I called my uncle (he wanted to see me) cause I was scared my dad told him and then he's ashamed of me too cause he's gay and he's my fav uncle ever. So he picked me up after school and I went to his apartment and he just gave me a big hug cause he knew something was up. So I told him what I said and why I said it and that I was scared he'd be mad at me too if my dad was the one who told him. He just told me he isn't mad and he understands and we played basketball at the court nearby until it was time for him to drop me off. That was like the last time I've even felt actually happy cause the entire rest of this month has been such absolute shit. Like I phoned my mom to say sorry the day after and talk about how I feel but all she did was get mad at me for telling my uncle and said I'm not allowed to share stuff about her home without her permission. I said was sorry about both things but she said it didn't matter now and just hung up. Then her fiancee texted and just said to give my mom a few days to calm down that just made me mad cause why should I she's my mom! I should be able to phone her whenever and I tried but she just declined my call and then I think turned off her phone. I dunno I haven't slept properly at all since then cause I think I ruined things with my mom for good like all she's been doing is texting me and we've barely actually talked. Like I keep thinking about it and my thoughts and dreams just get all messed up and its like I get this soft lump in my stomach that keeps coming and going the more I think about it. It feels like I was right about me being part of her old life and I wish I'd never said what I did to her. Then it turns out I was supposed to get a tetanus shot when I was 11 but I didn't for some reason (we're not antivaxxers) so I had to get it now cause dad said VCHA was on his ass and I ended up having a terrible allergic reaction to it. Like I got sent to the hospital for a week cause of it (Like apparently super rare reaction hooray for me) and that fucked up my exams too and my mom didn't even come see me cause she was going to a cabin with her fiancee the day after. She talked to my dad on the phone and learned how bad it was but just texted me she knew I'd be better and that if I was still there when she came back she'd come right away like it made me want to stay in the hospital for longer. She didn't fucking come everyone came but her like my cousin came every day and my dad's gf even slept by me a few days and my niece's and even my boyfriend's and best friends moms came but mine didn't! And when I got out all I got was a text saying so happy you're out of the hospital baby with a selfie from her and her partner showing off the cabin included with it. Like I couldn't stop looking at that stupid photo I like obsessed over it for days and kept getting that stupid feeling in my stomach and so I smashed my phone and my dad's gf heard and he got an emergency meeting with my counselor (she's a psychologist but I've always called her that) set up. And I told her everything but more details obvi and at the end of it she said I'm very likely depressed and might need treatment. I dunno I got scared and asked her to tell my dad and she did and told us to get our family doctor give a referral to a psychiatrist to get proper diagnosis for treatment or to just get it from the family doctor. My dad got scared and made us get that referral the next day. My dad made the appointment and asked my mom to come but she said she won't be able to and just texted me to stay strong and remember I'm the most important thing in the world to her. I don't know what to do I don't want meds or anything I just want my mom to love me like she used to again. If you guys have any advice on what to do I need to hear it cause its like my mom isn't even listening to me anymore and the appointment is on Friday and I'm feeling scared. [***2nd Update***](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/usi1pi/update_2_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***- May 18th, 2022*** So, I would've made an update earlier but I just didn't have time. I'm in the hospital right now recovering from my ankle surgery and all I have is time until I can go home on Friday, so I thought I might as well update. The day after I wrote my post I had my niece's mom (my cousin in law but she introduces me as her little sister so SIL) drive me to my uncle and he just gave me the biggest hug ever and I dunno I just ended up crying a little and they endedup calming me down. I told my uncle about the appointment with the psychiatrist and that I was scared even though everybody (you guys) was saying it would be okay and that I'd just been so unhappy and that I just missed my mom so much. He agreed to go with me and my dad to the psychiatrist cause my mom wouldn't be coming. I dunno I just didn't sleep at all that night and just felt so scared in the morning and kept thinking about mom and didn't want to go to school either but I did go just felt so weird like that feeling in my stomach was just there and not going away. Only hanging out with my boyfriend felt right and before lunch time I just fell asleep in class and got sent to the office they phoned my dad and he signed me out and dropped me off at my uncle's house. He was already taking care of my niece so I felt bad but I went to sleep at the same time as her and he took a really cute photo of us sleeping next to each other. He woke me up when my dad came back and we just went to the psychiatrist together. Long story short at the end of the appointment the psychiatrist prescribed me a really low dose of antidepressants cause I'm still scared. I've been taking them and they have made me feel a bit better but I have another appointment next week cause my counselor says I might need a higher dose. When I vented to my couneslor she said she'd be willing to host an extra joint session between me and my mom on zoom if she agreed and that it might help if I get my feelings across with a third party. I didn't want to do it but some of you recommended it and my counselor said it could be a good first step. So I called my mom and it was a short conversation again but she agreed to the counseling session and all I had to do was send her the zoom link so we set one up for later. So I had the zoom session in our computer room so I'd be all alone there and at first my mom seemed so excited cause she was like we can work through our issues and put them behind us. I don't want to talk about all of it I mean I couldn't anyway I can't remember most of it but it didn't goo good at all like when my counselor brought up me not being with her that much my mom said when I came to uvic I'd obviously stay with her and I just said after everything I didn't even want to go uvic anymore and would rather just go to UBC cause everybody here actually wants me. My mom said that was ridiculous since outside of Waterloo Uvic was the best optioon for software engineering in Canada and UBC only has electrical computer engineering so I'd have to go to her if I still wanted to do that. I remember my mom said like a few times like she'd spent over a decade doing nothing but be a mom and now that she finally understood herself she just wanted time to explore that and I should appreciate that. Then at the end of it I told my mom that I hated that she didn't come and see me in the hospital and that she didn't even phone me like I told her I was scared I'd die and she just said it wasn't that serious cause it was a vaccine and those protect us and to not act like it was srious. I dunno that made me mad and I just muted my mic cause I didn't want them to hear me crying but I kinda hada breakdown and just ran out to my dad and his fiancee cause I was crying. They said they ended the session but I don't know what they said to my mom or the counselor. Apparently I fell asleep crying on the couch while hugging my dad but I don't remember any of it but my dad said I was crying really loudly. I think they carried me to their bed cause when I woke up in the morning I was there and my dad was on a mattress by the door and she was on one by the washroom door. They said it was to block me cause they were scared I'd try something. My dad took my new phone and laptop from me for a bit and said it might be healthy for me to stay off them for a bit. I have them back now. I haven't talked to my mom at all since then I mean not even good morning good night texts. She hasn't contacted me at all about my broken ankle even though I had surgery yesterday and I feel like she doesn't even care that I got hurt. Like I know dad told her that I'm going to surgery but she hasn't called. I have my phone and laptop back now but my dad made me delete IG and snap cause he's worried seeing her on there might trigger me. A lot of you said I should stop talking to hr but I feel bad about it like when I think about it makes me feel worse like it's over now and I don't have her anymore. I just want her back. The only time I learn what's up with her is if I go to my cousin (who my mom stayed with after the divorce) and ask and apparently she's still happy and is occupied with all her wedding planning. Like another thing that sucks is that I used to love watching Scream with my cousin but now I can't even watch it cause I feel bad for Billy cause his mom left him too and I feel bad for feeling like that cause he's the villain. So I couldn't even get through our rewatch and we couldn't even watch the new one. I told my counselor that I still feel really bad and sad and nothing's changed and she said I need to bring it up at my next appointment with the psychiatrist so he can up my dose. I don't know I feel confused and I don't like not seeing or talking to my mom at all. I feel like I've done the wrong thing. I've tried to do things we used to with my dad's fiancee and my boyfriend's mom but it's not the same and I just miss her more even though she probably doesn't miss me at all. I wish I could see her but I don't want to keep ruining things for myself cause what if she doesn't want me anymore. I'd rant to my counselor about it but I'm stuck in the hospital bed till Friday so I guess that's why I'm back here looking for advice on what to do when I'm out of here. [***3rd Update***](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/w8q1bo/update_3_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***- July 26th, 2022*** Hey guys I'm posting again cause I'm confused as to what's going on and I thought maybe I'd get some opinions here before I bring it up with my therapist. Pretty much, I don't know if my mom hates me still or if now she wants to be my mom again. Cause everything that she's done lately has made it so confusing. So my foot is still bad. The doctor said it's healing but I'm mostly confined to crutches or to a wheelchair and so I'm not really able to go to a lot of places. I mean I can go anywhere but I don't go cause it just takes too long to get around. I'm guessing that my cousin told my mom cause apparently she came to New Westminster and did her wedding dress shopping there with my cousin and her fiancee and she didn't even tell me. I know we hadn't talked since the therapy session but she promised me that I would get to do that with her and she didn't even tell me. I found out cause when I visited my cousin she showed me the dresses she was going to wear at the wedding and at the reception and the ones my mom and her got for me to wear at those. I was confused cause I was sad she didn't take me but happy cause that meant she still wanted me there. Anyway her wedding was on Canada Day and I went with my cousin to Victoria a week earlier. My dad did say I didn't need to go but I didn't want to miss it. We stayed at an airbnb that my mom got for some of our relatives cause her place was too small. She didn't come to visit me there but my cousin went to meet her and I didn't go cause my foot was hurting really bad. When she came back she said my mom was really disappointed I didn't come as well. The day after I was going to go shopping downtown with my cousin but then my mom came. Like when she saw me she didn't give me a hug like she usually gives, she just kind of held my shoulders and gave an awkward kiss on the cheek and said she's glad that I decided to come. Then she kind of turned me over to my aunt (my mom's cousin) to go shopping with instead cause she and my cousin would be busy that week with all the wedding stuff and making sure it all went perfectly so we couldn't go downtown. I love my aunt so it wasn't bad going to downtown with her, she didn't even mind pushing me in the wheelchair, but it wasn't what I wanted to do. Two days before the wedding they had this really big meet the families dinner where my mom and her wife were introducing people to their relatives. Cause my foot got swollen and the boot was hurting it I had to go in the wheelchair. So my mom didn't even introduce me to people and one of the few times I was able to talk to her, this guy related to her wife interrupted us, asked who I was and she just said don't worry about her and then had an aunt of mine wheel me away. That made me really upset but I did feel a bit better cause her fiancee's parents brought gifts for me (not my kind of stuff, I think they thought I was younger than I am). The wedding itself was cool, my foot wasn't badly swollen then so I was able to use my crutches. My mom acted so differently then and made me take a bunch of pictures with her and with her fiancee and she seemed so happy and told me that it was the best day of her life only cause I came. At the reception I wore the dress that she got me but I couldn't walk in the crutches while wearing it (not like the wedding one). So my aunt made me go in that dress and in my wheelchair even though I didn't want to. And my cousin said I could wear a different dress but my aunt was like my mom got the dress specially for me and will be upset if I don't wear it. Then at the reception I wasn't seated at the table with family near the stage where she and her fiancee sat but at a table with kids I didn't even know, even though some of my relatives younger than me were at the family table. My aunt said they moved me there cause of my wheelchair but I just don't get why I couldn't be with my family. My mom didn't even take a photo with me at the reception, she just came to me once and said hi and I wasn't even in the family photo cause we didn't bring my crutches cause of my wheelchair so my aunt said my mom told them to leave me cause they couldn't fit me in. Then the day after we were going home my mom came to say goodbye to us. She talked to me alone for a minute and then she said sorry for everything that happened between us before and that she was hoping we could get past it but if we couldn't she was still happy I came to her wedding. I didn't really get to say anything cause she just hugged me and sent us on our way. I don't feel that sad everything anymore though cause I think that the antidepressants have been helping. I have been feeling happier for about a month now and nothing has happened to me like I was afraid. For the last two weeks, my mom has been texting good morning and good night again when I didn't do anything, like text, call or phone or facetime since the therapy session with her. It hasn't been more than that but I've been saying it back. I'm just confused with the way she's acting and what she wants. Do you guys have any clue or advice? Edit: I wish I could say thank you to everybody who has commented and given advice. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to you personally, but it means so much to me that you guys cared. I've read everything and I will be bringing up a lot of this with my counselor. Thank you guys so much, I love you all. [***4th Update***](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/x1pbxm/update_4_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***- August 30th, 2022*** So I got a phone call from my mom and I did answer cause I guess I was curious cause she's only been texting me since her wedding and she said she wanted me to come over and even though I was really missing her, because I was going to go with my uncle's family to Seattle that weekend, I said no. I think I would have said no anyway because I was just planning on staying away like everybody here suggested and my counselor also said that it might be good to define my life without her. She said ok but then the day after I think she phoned my dad because he came said that I had to go to Victoria instead. I told him I didn't want to go but we ended up arguing and he said that I didn't have a choice and my uncle would take me somewhere when I got back. So my dad dropped me and my cousin off at the ferry and when we got to Victoria it turns out my mom and her wife (I guess stepmom now) moved into their new house. My mom's wife wasn't there cause she was in Ottawa for work but her parents did come. They're really nice, they kind of went on about how they thought they'd never have grandkids and were so happy when they learned my mom had me. They did offer to get me some presents this time but my mom let them take me to dinner to some pierogi place in downtown instead. I don't know what to think about the visit because so much of it was good but the one bad part was really bad. When I got there, I wanted to talk to her about the stuff at her wedding and everything else and I wanted to tell her that I would rather have gone with my uncle but then I just felt really nervous and just couldn't because I don't know, I kind of felt like I'd just ruin the entire trip if I did. So I just didn't and maybe that was the wrong thing. The first thing I noticed in her house was her giant graduation picture where she's holding a baby me above the fireplace. Then my mom surprised me by showing me my room and it's perfect. I have a huge bed, a big personal washroom, a walk in closet, one of those fancy standing desks and a tv. It's all white cause my mom was like when my foot is better she wants me to come and paint and decorate it all with her. She even promised she'd never let anybody use the room even if I'm not there that often. The first night after I got back from the pierogi place, my mom, my cousin and I stayed up so late just watching tv and I even fell asleep hugging her. The next day we went to downtown and my mom took us shopping and then to the Royal BC Museum (the one with the mammoths). My foot and my hands really started hurting after because my mom made me use my crutches and not wheelchair because she said it'd be good exercise so then she took us to a spa. We took so many pictures and I'm pretty sure she put them on Instagram, but I'm not allowed on it anymore so I'm not sure. I was really tired when we got back so I conked out right away and when I woke up in the morning, mom actually brought me pancakes in bed cause of my foot (cause I love it when she makes those). The rest of that day was good too except at night my mom said that when I moved in for university, we could make every day like this so I reminded her that I might go to UBC instead. We got into a really big argument about university and I did scream at her and bring up stuff from before but pretty much my mom said that she wants me to go to UVIC if I still want to do software engineering and said that if it was any other kind of engineering I wanted to do she wouldn't mind paying for UBC but that it's not good for software. She did say she would still pay no matter where I went but she'd be really disappointed if I chose not to go to the best university for my degree where I could stay with her just cause I blamed her coming out and moving for everything bad that's happened to me since then. She also said I needed to stop exaggerating how bad everything has been because it shouldn't make me change my university plan. I tried telling her that's not what I meant but I couldn't say it right and I fucking started crying and she seemed to get really mad. She didn't yell or anything but she just gave a frustrated sigh and said I needed to stop crying, grow up and accept that she handled things the best way she could and my attitude problems were why it's been a bad year for us. That just made me cry more and she said if I don't grow up I'm never going to get a husband and then left the room. I just kind of kept crying cause I don't feel like any of that is true and the husband part was so fucking weird and I honestly can't stop thinking about that part specifically. Half an hour later she came back with water and made me drink and started telling me how if I want to do computer or electrical or any other engineering she'd support UBC but that UVic is the best for software outside of Waterloo and she doesn't want to send me so far away but will still pay for it if that's what I choose. I don't know why she wanted to keep talking about that but I didn't so I just agreed when she said she'll take me to talk to an advisor to convince me next time I come over. Me and my cousin left early next morning (so yesterday) and my mom said she'd try and come over for my birthday because her in-laws really wanted to attend and that she'd try and make an appointment at Uvic once my foot's better. The thing is that argument was the one bad thing about that visit. Everything else would have been perfect because it was just like it used to be with her and I don't even know if I'd be posting if it had been but I just can't stop thinking about the stuff that she said when we argued. I don't even know why she said the husband thing. I just don't get what the fuck she meant by that or why she would bring it up? I'm not going to smash my phone this time but I do feel mad thinking about it. I told my cousin about the argument we had on the way back and she told me she personally thinks I should go to UBC and would try to convince my mom but that she think she just wants me to live with her again. I told my dad and his fiancee about it and he apologized for making me go but said that he had to. He and his fiancee have checked on me a dozen times already. Like, I'm get that stupid fucking feeling in my stomach again every time I think about it and I wish I'd been able to go with my uncle instead. But I am going to spend the rest of the week at his apartment so I guess it's fine. I'm going to go to my counselor again today before my uncle picks me up, does anybody have any advice for me that I can bring up, cause we went through comments posted here last time. [5th Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/zkdbd5/update_5_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Dec 12th, 2022 So, some stuff has happened. I've pretty much just been texting with my mom since my visit to her. I tried to kepit good night/good morning but when I didn't respond to her other messages, she phoned my dad and he told me I didn't have to phone her but to at least respond to her other messages. I did have to go to Victoria for Thanksgiving because her wife's whole family was going to be there and she told my dad I had to go. I was only there for three days with my cousin and the first two days, my mom pretty much spent with me and it was like it used to be again. Like she and I went shopping, we even cuddled to sleep watchinig tv again but the third day she and her wife were focused on the dinner and guests and everything so I get it. Yeah I was upset that she paid really little attention to me, but her wife's entire immediate family was there and I get that she needed to focus on them. But when we left after dinner (we had to take the really late ferry), my mom said bye and that she was going to book a meeting at UVic to take me to and didn't even give me a second to talk about it before waving us bye. And then it went back to just texting good morning/good night until my birthday. So then my mom and her wife came with her wife's parents because my mom was like they really wanted to celebrate my birthday. I guess they're my step-grandparents but I really like them and they seem to really like me too. I mean, step-grandma said the best thing about the wedding was that they finally got a grandchild and they brought a lot of presents for me. They have a niece around my age and they had her go out with them and just get so much stuff that they think someone my age will like (and I do like it). My mom got me an album of pictures of us and said to look at the photos whenever I miss her cause it'll make it like she's right there with me. At the party, mom and dad seemed to get along just like when they were married. Like they were laughing, telling jokes and even had me do goofy pictures with them like we all used to. Mom's wife got along with dad's fiancee and with my uncle, his son and his son's wife. My mom didn't talk to my uncle at all beyond when he came to say hi to her and she said hi in a really mean tone to him, which was weird since they used to be so close. I guess she's still mad at him for when I talked to him about what was going on. She was really weird with my boyfriend and was non-stop making jokes about him and me getting married and making her a grandma. She straight up said to him "I don't want you to wait until I'm grey and in my 40s to make me a grandma". But his mom also got in the jokes so I guess it was just a mom thing? My mom and her wife left after only about an hour and a half in to go stay at a fancy hotel all the way over by Coal Harbour, even though my dad did offer them a room. Mom just said she doesn't feel it'd be appropriate to stay in the same house as him and it's too painful for her cause she designed the house when I asked her why she couldn't stay. It did piss me off cause they came at 4:00 and so when everyone was setting up and I guess that means they missed the actual party. My step-grandparents stayed though and only left in the morning when my mom and her wife came to pick them up. Then at like 8:30, my mom did FaceTime me but it looked like she and her wife were in the hotel spa or something. It doesn't make sense cause I thought those close pretty early in the day but they were wearing those robes and looked like they were some place really fancy. Then my mom was like she has to hang up cause she doesn't want me to see them without clothes on and they were both giggling at that. That really fucking pissed me off that they ditched my birthday to go hang out in a spa. Maybe they were actually doing something else but I honestly don't want to even think about that beyond what I have. Then there was the album that she gave me as a present. I didn't really think about that a lot then because I was just happy that she came. But I did try yesterday because my dad's fiancee was meeting with some of her relatives for last minute planning because her and dad's wedding is on Sunday. I wasn't with them because I was studying but when I did leave my room to get my charger I heard them talking about me. My dad's fiancee was saying the best stuff about me but her relatives were saying some shitty things about my mom and she wasn't stopping them. She was also talking about how my mom is forcing my dad's hand to send me to her over winter break instead of my uncle's cause that's when their honeymoon is. I didn't meant o spy and I get now that I'm writing about it that what they were saying wasn't exactly wrong and they were only saing it because they didn't think I'd hear but it really fucking pissed me off and it still does. So cause I was upset I looked at the album and it's pictures of both of us from when I was a baby until now. Behind each picture she slid a note about why that memory is special or what the picture means to her if she can't remember. But it just made me angry because of how few photos there are from after she moved to Victoria. Most of them are the ones of the wedding day and barely anything before that. There's one photo in it that was like a month before she came out and it's when she lived at my cousin's house and pretty much I surprised her with a cookies that my cousin and I made that day. When I surprised her, she hugged me so tight and told me she was so proud of me and my cousin took the photo on her phone. But that night I found her crying in her room and she said it's because I'm growing up and said something like how she wishes she could live in moments like that forever since she's so proud of me. And it just makes me so mad because that's what I want back and the fact that I'm not even in photos of her pre-wedding events and reception and so much other stuff in Victoria just makes it seem as if the album is her giving me proof that I've barely been in her life and that I should be happy for it. And I know I shouldn't be thinking that because she actually gave me such a good gift and I'm poisoning it in my own mind instead of valuing it and all the memories inside. My therapist has been trying to help me define life without her and it's hard cause I don't want to because I can't let go of this feeling that it could be good again and I don't want those people to be right. My therapist says its all right to want that but for my I own sake I need to in case it doesn't ever happen and it'll help once I'm in university so I've been trying but I hate it. So, I guess I came here again to ask for advice and stuff I can bring up in therapy.

OOP's mother comes out and abandons her to be with her fiancee

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CubbyLuvvy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpyapm/oops_mother_comes_out_and_abandons_her_to_be_with/

zq1bmc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Agreeable_Tie_6303 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!Child sexual abuse, involuntary psychiatric hold, mental illness, threats of self harm!< mood spoilers: >!Awful revelation, but in the end, the victim is protected!<   *(Note: This post was deleted by the* r/AmItheAsshole *moderators after* u/Agreeable_Tie_6303's *account was suspended, probably for the stuff mentioned in the trigger warnings above; the original text is still visible in the Automoderator's comment linked below)* [**AITA for asking my daughter to invite my brother to her wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg2ayd/comment/izen24k/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 07 December 2022 I (52F) am currently in the process of helping my daughter (F36) plan her wedding to her fiancee (F38). We are currently in the process of planning out the guest list. I'm paying for half of the wedding, so I think it's only fair that I have some input into who gets invited. We were talking about who to invite, and I mentioned my siblings, (M46, F54, F49, F48 and F50). She mentioned inviting my sisters, since they live on the same side of the country as us, but when I mentioned my brother, she got really reluctant all of a sudden. She said she didn't want to force him to travel, and I mentioned I could ask him later, and she just got quiet and said "we'll think about it." I got upset, and said that she could invite all of my siblings, or none of my siblings. She said that wasn't fair, since it was her wedding. I'll admit, I got a little upset, and said that I was paying for half of it, and she'd made me wait for this long enough, so the least she could do was to invite my family. She got mad and said that she never asked for me to fund it, and she didn't need my money anyway. I left before I'd say something I'd regret, and drove around for a bit. I called my husband (64M) and he said it was her wedding, and it was really up to her who she invited. I told him he didn't understand since he's an only child, he got upset and we argued for a few minutes before hanging up and driving back over to her place. I let myself in, and I heard her talking to her fiancee about how if I didn't insist that her brothers' kids had to come, she'd be fine with inviting my brother. I walked in, scoffed, and said if she's worried about the number of people she had to invite, I could get a big venue, and inviting one more person won't cost that much more. She screamed at me that it's not about that, and to get out of her house and out of her life. I told her not to raise her voice at me, and her fiancee said I had to leave or they'd call the police. So, I went home, and told my husband what happened. He said I messed up big time, but I really don't think inviting him is that big of a deal. AITA?   *(Note: This comment was deleted from* r/AmItheAsshole *but can be viewed at the Unddit link given below)* [**Comment from OOP**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg2ayd/aita_for_asking_my_daughter_to_invite_my_brother/) \- 07 December 2022 I don't know why she wouldn't get on with my brother, he babysat her every weekday from the age of 6 to 14, so he knows her really well, and I think he should be able to be there when she gets married.   *(Note: This comment was deleted from* r/AmItheAsshole *but can be viewed at the Unddit link given below)* [**Comment from OOP**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg2ayd/aita_for_asking_my_daughter_to_invite_my_brother/) \- 07 December 2022 If there's missing reasons, your guess is good as mine. I called her a few minutes ago and when I asked why she wouldn't invite someone who helped raise her, she said something about how he didn't do shit for her and she will never trust him. I think the stress of wedding planning is getting to her since he was there with her every day for years.   *(Note: This comment was deleted from* r/AmItheAsshole *but can be viewed at the Unddit link given below; I have removed the real-people names that are included in it to protect the vulnerable people involved)* [**Comment from the fiancee of OOP's daughter**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg2ayd/aita_for_asking_my_daughter_to_invite_my_brother/) \- 07 December 2022 (u/Agreeable_Tie_6303), this has to stop. (Your daughter) said you sent her this post as soon as you posted it since you were sure everyone was going to be on your side. It is our wedding and you don’t get to dictate who we invite. You know exactly why (your daughter) doesn’t trust (your brother, her uncle).   *(Note: This comment was deleted from* r/AmItheAsshole *but can be viewed at the Unddit link given below; I have removed the real-people name that is included in it to protect the vulnerable people involved)* [**Comment from OOP**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg2ayd/aita_for_asking_my_daughter_to_invite_my_brother/) \- 07 December 2022 (u/AdmirableEffective23, my daughter's fiancee) please don't try to influence people here, I have no idea what you're talking about   *(Note: This comment was deleted from a cross-post, which was also deleted, on* r/AmITheDevil *but the comment can be viewed in* u/AdmirableEffective23\*'s comment history at the link given below)\* [**Comment from the fiancee of OOP's daughter**](https://www.reddit.com/user/AdmirableEffective23/) \- 07 December 2022 I have my fiancee's permission to post the following. Her uncle was physically, mentally, and sexually abusive. It began when she was 10, and escalated until he got her pregnant at the age of 14. She told her mom because she had to get an abortion, and the moment they left the clinic, her mom said "this never happened." Her mom is the only person who knew until me.   *(Note: I am deleting the superintendent's real-person name from the text to minimize the number of identifying details exposed for the vulnerable people involved in this story)* [**Update - MIL is under a 72 hour hold. Trigger warning within.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/zhufyo/update_mil_is_under_a_72_hour_hold_trigger/) \- 10 December 2022 Trigger warning: Involuntary psychiatric hold, mental illness, threats of self harm. First off, thanks to everybody who reached out. Your kind works were really helpful and much needed! I really appreciate every one of you. You all rule! Most importantly, my fiancee is doing fine. She's been in therapy for years, and her doctor has been really helpful. We're still in a hotel, and our management company is working to get us into another building. Yesterday, we got a call from our super, (RealLife Dude). We'd told him about the situation, and asked him to tell us if MIL stopped by again. Well, she sure did. (RealLife Dude) told me he'd heard her banging on the door, screaming to let her in. He confronted her, and said she had to leave or he'd call the cops. She started yelling that she had a right to see her daughter. He left to call the cops, but when he came back, she was gone. However, she left him something to remember her by. She took a dump on our welcome mat. We were shocked, but we checked our ring camera, and it was all there. It'd be almost funny if it wasn't so fucked up. We later got a call from BIL saying MIL was in a 72 hour psychiatric hold. She apparently went to a convenience store and ended up knocking over some displays and threatening suicide multiple times. The cops were called, no charges were filed, but she was placed into a 72 hour hold. So that's where we are. We're going to be using this time to move all of our stuff to a storage unit while we look for a new apartment so there's no chance she can find us at our current place. I still don't know what the future looks like, but it's better than what it was before.   *(Note:* ***NEW***; *I've added this section to my original post. The fiancee* u/AdmirableEffective23 *had an earlier post in* r/JUSTNOMIL *that adds context to why OOP may have suffered such an intense mental health crisis. There is likely repressed trauma involved, because OOP had been forced to marry her 27-year-old youth pastor who impregnated her when she was 15.)* [**Finally going NC with future MIL. Trigger warning!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/zg5k9o/finally_going_nc_with_future_mil_trigger_warning) \- 08 December 2022 *(Note: NC = No Contact, i.e. the person cuts the other person out of their life and refuses to engage in any more communication or contact with them.)* Content warning: Sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. My relationship with my MIL finally came to a head today. My fiancee was raised by a sexist, religious family. MIL was a teen mom who was groomed by her youth group leader, and her parents forced her to marry him. My fiancee's uncle was a sexual, physical, and emotionally abusive monster. It began when she was 10, and escalated until he got her pregnant at the age of 14. She told her mom because she had to get an abortion, and the moment they left the clinic, her mom said "this never happened." Her mom is the only person who knew until me. She was always cagey about her family, and for the first few years of our relationship, she would call them almost daily, but refused to introduce them to me or see them in person. She didn't tell me until her brother's wife got pregnant. She broke down crying, saying she needed to protect his kids from her uncle. That night it all came out. I was so angry. She reluctantly started visiting her parents after the kids were born because she wanted to make sure she could protect them from MIL as well. Thankfully, her uncle moved across the country a few years ago, and he's never met the kids. We recently got engaged, and we were planning our wedding. MIL found out and said she was paying for half, and started talking about the guest list. She insisted on inviting my fiancee's uncle, and they got into a huge argument where MIL started pulling plates out of our cabinet and dropping them, and we had to physically push her out of the apartment and lock the door. She banged on the door for a few minutes before storming off. Later, my fiancee started talking about how she could maybe appease her mom if she could invite her uncle but not her brother's kids. Her mom found a spare key, and unlocked the door and waltzed in like nothing had happened. She pretended like she didn't see the issue, and started complaining that we could just get a bigger venue so we could invite everyone. It escalated, and I had to threaten to call the cops to get her to leave. MIL then made an AITA post and was willfully obtuse to everyone who clearly picked up on what was wrong. MIL sent my fiancee the post because she thought people would be on her side. My fiancee was furious, and told me this was it. She was going NC with her, and I could tell people in the thread what happened. So, that's it. She's blocked on all our phones, and she's finally going to tell her brother what happened. A whole can of worms has been opened, but a weight has been lifted as well. ​ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP Demands Their Brother Be Invited to Their Daughter's Wedding, and Then Things Get Dark

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JJOkayOkay

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zq1bmc/oop_demands_their_brother_be_invited_to_their/

zq30cu

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/international-pair10 in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**How do tell my sister I don’t want to be her nanny anymore without it causing drama?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z4y13r/how_do_tell_my_sister_i_dont_want_to_be_her_nanny/) - 26 November 2022 I’ve been watching my sister’s child for the last two years, my husband makes enough money that I don’t have to work and I can focus on our home and our family. When my sister was pregnant I said I’d be open to watching the baby on occasion. Somehow “on occasion” went from date nights here and there, to 10 hour days two to three times a week. I admit that after two years I’ve let this get completely out of control and I should have said something sooner. But there is really no nice way to tell someone that I don’t want to watch their child for any reason other than I just don’t want to. I have so much anxiety over having to get up at 6:00 am to show up at their house to babysit that I literally can’t sleep so then I end up not sleeping at all and then watching the baby for 10 hours. My sister is now talking about having a second baby and gushing every chance she gets about how appreciative she is for my help because of all the money I’m saving them and I just about had a panic attack when I realized not only does she expect this to continue for a significant amount of time, but she’s fully going to expect me to watch a toddler and newborn and meanwhile I’ve been contemplating how I can get out of this situation without drama. My husband works his ass off so that I can be home with our family, not so I can be a nanny for my sister. And to make matters worse, my sister just bought an extravagant new house which she probably did in part because she didn’t think she’d have to worry about childcare. But I just don’t want to do it anymore. At all. I love my niece. But I absolutely do not want to be her or anyone else’s nanny. My sister and her husband have a very different parenting style than I do, they’re very fussy. And they don’t even leave a carseat so I’m literally stranded there all day. If something happens with my own child I literally can’t leave at all. I feel trapped in this situation and I just want it to be over. **I sent her a text. Just waiting for her response. It won’t let me add the screen shot for some reason. “I just wanted to give you a heads up that after December I won't be watching ___ anymore in a childcare role. This way you guys have time to get other arrangements worked out. Nothing is wrong, I'm just shifting my focus to my household. I know you guys have appreciated my help. Thanks so much for being understanding and supporting me now.” **UPDATE** S- I’m quite taken aback by this may I ask why? OP- I just need to take a step back for my mental health. S- This is just very out of the blue u didn’t say anything on the phone yesterday OP- I wanted to say this yesterday but I didn’t because this subject has been a source of anxiety for me. S -How so OP - It is just difficult for me to simultaneously manage my household and yours. I can watch her until the end of dec but after that I can’t. OP- I love you and her but I really can’t take care of two households I’m only one person, and I definitely can’t take care of another baby on top of that. It’s too much for me. Please understanding and don’t take it personally. I really don’t want to fight about this. This is just how it needs to be. S- So u’ll watch her until the end of December and then I just have to drop her off with complete strangers. Got it. She left me on read for 20 minutes before sending me that last text. **UPDATE** I told our Dad what happened and he apparently called her up and reamed her out on my behalf and she’s been quiet ever since.   [**I’m tired of being my sister’s nanny UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z94zvu/im_tired_of_being_my_sisters_nanny_update/) - 30 November 2022 I texted my sister one final time yesterday to see if she needed me this week (Wed - Friday were my usual days), since she hasn’t been responding to me since I let her know our current arrangement was no longer sustainable. She left me on read until 11:30 pm before texting me “don’t worry about it.” So I guess I’m off the hook. Even though she’s clearly very angry at me (as I knew she would be) I appreciate all the encouragement and advice I received from all of you it really helped me get the courage to finally have this conversation that should have happened months ago. I do hope my sister doesn’t withhold my niece from me for too long because I would still like to visit with her and take her to do things, I just didn’t want to be their default childcare provider. Which is not at all unreasonable of me.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

How do I tell my sister I don’t want to be her nanny anymore without it causing drama?

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zq30cu/how_do_i_tell_my_sister_i_dont_want_to_be_her/

zq5xwf

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aitathrow6 in r/amitheasshole** trigger warning: >!manipulation!< ---   [**AITA for telling my girlfriend that we’re done if she doesn’t want another kid in the future?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5jdwq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/) - 26 March 2019 obligatory throwaway because friends know my real account. background: I’m 28 with no kids. My girlfriend is 26 and has an 8 year old son from her previous relationship. She was with the guy since they were kids but when she got pregnant, he dropped the ball. She had it pretty hard during the early years and it was a huge struggle for her to balance work, school and her son. She made it work and is now in law school. (The kid’s dad made a change about three years back when his own father died and has since been helping.) We’ve been together for a year and two months and I really do love her. However when we first got together she did mention that she doesn’t see herself having other kids because it was incredibly hard, she values her time alone when her kid is away, and she wants to travel with her son being that he’s bigger now. Also that she has a school-age kid and doesn’t want to start over with an infant. We were too early for me to complain about it or try to change her mind. It wasn’t bought up again for some time. Fast forward to last night, we were watching something and I mentioned that my coworker has left work to have her fourth kid. She said that she couldn’t imagine having that many kids. I got a little offended being that my parents had 5. She told me that that’s what worked for my parents, but it wouldn’t work for her. I asked why and she listed the reasons above and that 4 kids is “just excessive.” I tried to reason it down to 3 or even 2. She said she doesn’t want any children but her son. The way I see it, the only reason it was so hard was because of her age when she first had him. My logic is that any future children we produce will be secure and she won’t be alone or have to struggle. for background, I have 4 siblings while she has one sister who lives in another state. She doesn’t understand how important siblings are. I told her if she’s unwilling to have even one child for me in the future then we’re done. She agreed and said we’re done then and I’m incredibly hurt. This is a hill she’s willing to die on. She’s super smart, but so hard headed. No matter what I said all night, she wouldn’t hear it or budge her views at all. I’m hurt because I made the empty threat and she very easily went through with it. I’m not feeling valued at all. I love this woman and the thought of us having an expiration date kills me. I want to marry her and have kids with her and she’s just uninterested. She also said I was being an asshole and not taking her experiences into account when I totally am! I acknowledge how hard it was for her which is why I think she would have a totally different experience if she tried again. She’s not 18 anymore and will have me by her side. I want her back but don’t know what to say. She seemed very certain when she agreed to the breakup. Please tell me AITA? Verdict: YTA   Comment from OOP: > jesus christ, I am a fucking asshole. she has a condition, I unfortunately do not remember what’s it called, but during her pregnancy she used to have like mini-strokes that would make her face and hands go completely numb. I didn’t even think about that. thank you for your judgement. I know she doesn’t want me back. but I am going to profusely apologize anyway. the other commenters said this, and I’m putting value over a baby that isn’t real over her life.   [**update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bd0g3q/update_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_were_done/) - 14 April 2019 Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.” That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is. I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened. I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me. And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest. tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my girlfriend that we’re done if she doesn’t want another kid in the future?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zq5xwf/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/

zq8a37

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/chazcollabs in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**One of my close friends proposed to me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ywz3w1/one_of_my_close_friends_proposed_to_me/) - 16 November 2022 I'm 18m and my close friend is 19f. So I've been working at a fast food restaurant for almost 2 years now, and I've developed a close relationship with one of my managers. We've progressively gotten closer; we've spent a lot of time inside and outside of work together. We even went on a trip out of state with each other and some friends and all of our friends said we give off couple's vibes. Needless to say, we both like each other. But this morning, after I clocked out, she said she needed to talk to me in private. No big deal right? So she pulls me into the Manager's office, and she starts telling me that she has feelings for me and has had feelings for quite some time. I said my feelings were likewise, and in that moment I thought she was going to ask for a relationship. But instead, she gets on one knee, takes out this super nice engagement ring and proposed for marriage. Now, I'm feeling pretty blown away at this point. I asked why she wants to skip straight to engagement, and she answers that she doesn't really believe in courtship as it relates to dating. Obviously I like her and all, but I don't think either of us are in a position to make marriage happen anytime soon. So I said I'd get back to her with my answer. So here I am now. I really like her, and I feel like we'd be a fantastic couple, but I'm not even close to thinking about marriage or any kind of engagement. It's jarring. I'm super confused right now and I'd appreciate any kind of advice on this situation.   [**UPDATE: One of my close friends proposed to me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z0lnev/update_one_of_my_close_friends_proposed_to_me/) - 21 November 2022 Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post with your advice! So here's what ended up happening: Again, I'm 18m and she's 19f So later that same day when she proposed, I shot her a text, inviting her over for dinner so we can have a talk, she of course agrees and comes over later that day. So we discuss why she proposed over some Red lobster takeout, and she basically said that her family, mainly her mother, never dated anyone. They had all skipped to proposal because of religious reasons (I don't know what religion, I never bothered to ask). So I said that I would love to maybe date, but marriage is far off the table. Neither of us has the resources to make anything like that happen, and again, we were just close friends so it would be jarring to skip to such an intimate level. So in the end, I said the only way we'd be able to court is if we started dating. So she wastes no time and straight up cuts me off and asks me out 😂 Y'know, of course I said yes :) So of course, sappy love ensues (crying tears of joy, hugs kisses, y'know lol) and she said she's willing to keep an open mind regardless of what her family thinks. It's been a few days and things are going pretty well! However, she hasn't told her family yet. So I'll come back with another update when she tells her family. Thank you to all who helped me on the last post and thank you for reading this one!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

One of my close friends proposed to me

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zq8a37/one_of_my_close_friends_proposed_to_me/

zqd9c5

**I am not OOP. This is a repost sub reddit** Originally posted by u/wordsmithing007 in r/wedding [Original Post Nov 22, 2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/z26pad/sister_will_not_attend_wedding_due_to_potential/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Hey everyone, As indicated above, my sister recently advised that she will most likely not attend my destination wedding next spring because it may potentially be "too humid" for her liking. She also has concerns that we may experience heavy rain fall during that time (late May) as the wedding will be close to the start of rainy season in Mexico. Problem is, she was just vacationing in Cancun this past April and had no weather concerns. She is also upset that we didn't go with her resort of choice. She travels extensively and at different times of the year, so her concerns seem like a cop out. She now wants to "discuss options" and I'm truly baffled at the audacity. What would you do? [Update 1 Nov 26, 2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/z5dfx7/update_sister_will_not_attend_wedding_due_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Thanks for all the great comments and upvotes, everyone. I have an update from *she who centers herself* Apparently, I misunderstood her. She never said she wouldn't attend, just that the weather will be an issue for her. So of course, I wanted to know what has changed for her, as the plans remain the same. I also asked she confirm attendance ASAP, as we need final numbers. Her response to this? Nada. Instead, she wants to "revisit our previous discussion and how it impacted {her} and what needs to be different next time." LMAO The audacity continues, friends! *As a sidebar, the conversation she is referring too consisted of me telling her how hurt I will be if she does not attend and that I expect more from my sibling.* Anyway, those of you who surmised this may all be a ploy for attention? Bingo. But unfortunately for her, I no longer have energy for the madness. Have a great wknd, everyone! [Final update Dec 5, 2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/zdf9dk/update_sister_refuses_to_attend_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Update: sister refuses to attend wedding Y'all, I've been blockedt! But let me back up and start from the beginning. I'm a bit late with posting this, as I've had a lot to attend too this past week. You may remember that my sister had "concerns" about spring weather conditions in Cancun . We had a short text message exchange which culminated in an agreement to discuss her concerns in-person or via phone. Well, she returned from her trip to Ireland (we live in Canada) to visit a dude she met weeks before online. And reiterated the point that she HAD NOTES to go over, to ensure communication between us is "more respectful" going forward. Again...the audacity. I let her know I'm open to a discussion. However, I wanted to ensure we address her original comments and confirm her attendance at the wedding. I even went as far as admitting that perhaps my initial reaction to this "weather concern" was overblown and that I apologize for it ( my FH made this suggestion, I wouldn't have done it) As usual, she did not reply to what I said and instead advised that I should re-read our initial interaction, as my response to her concern is the main thing we need to address. Anyway, the day before we were scheduled to speak, she messages to say she is free and can we speak right away? Before I had a chance to respond, I get another message informing me of the following: "I've done some deep thinking and I have decided this isnt a healthy relationship for me. I have seen a pattern of behaviour I don't want to be subjected to anymore. I can't walk on eggshells when simply expressing a concern to my sister. I dont feel safe with you. Take good care." She then immediately blocked me before I had a chance to respond. Utter and total bullshit. She has made herself a victim in a situation where the issue in question has yet to even materialize! We are in bizarro land, folks. So, fellow future brides/grooms...here is my takeaway. Some people (family included) cannot be happy for you because they are not happy with themselves. They will find fault and issue with anything that does not immediately serve them; all while expecting you to kowtow to their demands. My sister's inability to hold herself accountable, empathize with others, and simply be kind and considerate, are not things she is willing to do. She has spent years demonstrating that it's either her way or the highway and I'm tired of it. This recent behaviour shouldnt really come as a surprise; she's just on a new cycle of chaos and will be back. Unfortunately for her, she is no longer wanted at my wedding. Quite frankly, I'm glad to be rid of her petulance and drama. A big THANK YOU again to all of you kind souls in the comments from my previous posts 💜

OOP’s sister doesn’t want to attend her wedding due to the weather

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ImageNo1045

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zqe6ps

** I am not OP. Original post by u/Ok-Sherbet32 on r/relationship_advice ** [My husband (M26) came out to me (F25) as a femboy and I don't know how to react to it](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zag3cd/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/) Dec 2 2022 My husband started getting into "femboy" porn around 5 months ago, although I thought it was a little strange I didn't think much of it, but then 3 months ago he came out to me as a femboy. He started saying he was "embracing his feminine side" by wearing thigh highs, a skirt, and acting all shy and doing baby talk and talking "wike dis". I find this a bit dehumanizing that this is what he considers femininity. The biggest problem is, he does this around our two children (ages 4 and 6). I told him I don't feel it is very appropriate to act this way around our kids but he says, in these words, "it's my true self. You're just being judgemental to gender noncomforming people, which is so outdated." He also tells me that it's good to learn from dad that they can be who they want to be. It becomes embarrassing, he does this when we go to family outings, in front of my parents, and my friends. I've become the laughing stock of my family and friends. I don't know how to deal with who my husband has become. I can't even bring my husband into restaurants anymore for dates because he always asks them for the kids menu and when they tell him he's too old he throws a temper tantrum. I don't know if something is bothering him and his outlet is dressing up as a femboy and talking like a baby but I can no longer deal with it and I am really starting to consider divorcing him. I don't have my license because I have epilepsy so my husband goes to pick the kids up from school everyday and both school faculty and students make fun of my kids for the way their father dresses. I have had parents tell me "It is not appropriate to be having your husband pick up your kids from an elementary school in that kind of clothing" Which I am aware of but I live 20 minutes away from the school and I do not want my kids to be walking that long in the winter. I don't want to hurt him as I still love him dearly and leaving him would hurt me as well but I can no longer stand my kids getting made fun of or myself. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should do? [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zag3cd/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/iyln8u4) >>It becomes embarrassing, he does this when we go to family outings, in front of my parents, and my friends. I've become the laughing stock of my family and friends. I don't know how to deal with who my husband has become. >It is okay to divorce the person, who you used to love and respect, if they become someone who you don't love and respect anymore. And it is better to do so before you start resenting them. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zag3cd/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/iym98b8) >Your partner is taking his fetishes outside the bedroom and forcing others to participate. He may enjoy the humiliation or exhibitionism of acting like that in public. Wanting to play around in the bedroom is one thing, but what he's doing is forcing non-consensenting people in public to participate in his fantasy. He's also bringing his fantasy life in front of his children. That is not okay. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zag3cd/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/iym2bj9) >For context, my boyfriend and I are into something a bit similar in the bedroom. Here's my take: >Your husband is being completely inappropriate by forcing other people to be exposed to his kink without their consent. You, your kids, the restaurant staff, everyone. He is an adult and needs to act like an adult in his daily life. >First off, presenting as feminine and having a regression kink are two separate things. >I think presenting as more feminine in public is fine. Trans, non-binary and other fem-presenting people are valid. Of course, you don't have to stay married to him if it's not your cup of tea. He's not the man you married anymore and you deserve to be happy. >But the regression stuff needs to stay at home, in the bedroom. I'm honestly appalled by his behavior. You're not his mother, he should not expect you to deal with him having a literal temper tantrum at a restaurant. Restaurant staff shouldn't have to deal with that either. And your kids need responsible, emotionally stable adults to parent them. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zag3cd/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/iymciia) >I know multiple femboys and while some femboys are littles, those 2 are not intertwined. Being a little should never leave the privacy of the bedroom or your house and it should never involve innocent bystanders like your kids or waiters. If your husband wants to dress more feminine, more power to him but involving people into your kink without consent is not ok whatsoever. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zag3cd/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/iymkclv) >I would just be careful and aware that someone at your kids school may call child protective services at some point and you'll be subject to that entire process because your husband has no boundaries and is subjecting everyone to his kink without consent. [Update: My husband (M26) came out to me (F25) as a femboy and I don't know how to react to it](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zi3gwm/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/) Dec 10 2022 To start off I want to thank everyone for the advice and show of concern for both me and my kids, it has definitely been a bit overwhelming since I didn't expect this much attention to it but again, thank you. I had a talk with my husband 2 days after writing the post and I told him point blank he needs to act like a grown man outside of the house and not act the way he does or I will be divorcing him and taking my kids with me. I got the divorce papers, we both signed and I have submitted it to the courthouse. I know I'm going to have to get a lawyer to be able to keep my kids but I'm just glad this is coming to an end. To clarify, I do not want anything from him but my kids. I do not want money, the house or even child support. My parents have already told me its okay for us to move in and they will help with needs until this is all figured out. I will try to keep you guys updated as much as I possibly can. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zi3gwm/my_husband_m26_came_out_to_me_f25_as_a_femboy_and/izpelnn) >As a child of acrimoniously divorced parents, I’d ask you to reconsider your stance on child support. My mum didn’t fight for it because she was exhausted and heartbroken (understandable), and we never really recovered financially. It’s also not fair to you or the kids; he’ll be living for only himself, while you take care of all of you on your own. >I’m sorry it came to this, OP. But I’m glad you have a support in your parents, and I’m sure you’ll be able to rebuild in less time than you think. I'm marking this as ongoing because she's just gotten divorce papers, but hasn't started legal proceedings yet and hasn't said she wouldn't update in the future. ** Reminder: I am not the Original Poster. **

My husband (M26) came out to me (F25) as a femboy and I don't know how to react to it

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swtogirl

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zqfzpz

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My ex left her daughter again

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zqggwr

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/Square_Indication_29 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zcgns6/my_stepdaughter_ran_away_from_the_birthday_party/) (4 Dec 22) **My stepdaughter ran away from the birthday party I threw for her.** I (35f) have been married for 7 years to my husband (45m), who is a single father to my stepdaughter, "Lucy" (15f). Also, I have a son from a previous relationship, "Toby" (10m). In these 7 years, Lucy never recognized us as family and when she introduces us, we are "dad's wife" and "dad's wife's son". Birthdays are very important to me. Ever since Toby was born, I've thrown giant birthday parties for him. That didn't change after I married my husband and I thought about doing it for Lucy as well, but she refused. She refuses every year, and everything related to her birthday is banned from the house. Since she is turning 15 this year, I decided to throw her a surprise party. We organized it with Toby: invitations to her classmates, family and close friends; games, karaoke, catering and decorations. Not even my husband knew. I took the day off from work and Toby skipped school to fix everything. At night, my husband and Lucy arrived (they have dinner alone for her birthday) and we yelled "surprise". They didn't look happy, but I assumed it was because of the surprise. My husband didn't say anything to me and Lucy disappeared almost immediately (I assumed to go talk to her friends). The party was amazing, everyone had fun, the games were a hit and overall I had a great time. When bringing the cake to sing happy birthday, I called for Lucy, but she wasn't in the party. We looked for her around the house, but she wasn't there, and neither was my husband. After half an hour of trying to call them both on their cell phones, the mood got ruined and everyone left. The two returned after midnight and didn't felt guilty about leaving. I immediately asked them why they left. Lucy didn't say anything and went to her bedroom, and my husband told me to calm down. He explained that Lucy wasn't feeling well, so they went to the beach. I scolded him for not telling me but he just shrugged and said *"you were too busy enjoying the party to notice"* and went to sleep. I don't understand why they both disrespected me like that. I invested a lot of time and money in the party and they haven't even apologized for leaving. It's been three days and the two act as if nothing happened. When I try to talk about it, Lucy looks at me like I'm crazy and my husband doesn't call her out on it. I'm tired of her indifference. I threatened my husband to take Toby and leave if they didn't open about it, but he (surprise) shrugged and told me to calm down. I love them both, but this party disaster has made me believe it's not reciprocated and I'm seriously considering getting a divorce. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zkyrsi/update_my_stepdaughter_ran_away_from_the_birthday/) (13 Dec 22) **UPDATE: My stepdaughter ran away from the birthday party I threw for her** It's been a very difficult week and I thought I'd update you on it. I appreciate all the comments and they were helpful to me in realizing several things. The first is that the party was never really for Lucy. You see, this year I asked my husband to throw me a birthday party. I had high expectations and it turned out to be a small gathering with less than 10 people, no decorations and a supermarket cake since my husband started planning 3 days before. This party was a redemption for me and I admit it. The second thing is how intrusive I've been with Lucy, but I've been in that girl's life for 7 years, I watched her grow up and I love her, so it's not easy for me to see how she ignores me, how she rejects my son and the lack of love that she has for us. I apologized to her and she didn't say anything. Two days after my first post, a woman called saying that Lucy didn't attend her therapy session that week. I asked my husband about it and he admitted that she has social anxiety, which made her uncomfortable being at a crowded party, so they left. That broke my heart. I asked my husband why he didn't tell me and he said *"she didn't want me to tell you, so I didn't"*. I couldn't believe it. Last Friday, I got the bill for the party. It was more expensive than I thought (around 5 figures) and I discussed it with my husband. He couldn't believe that I spent so much and he immediately stipulated that he won't give me a penny since it was my idea and I did it without anyone's permission. We fought about it since I don't have that much and he was adamant. He told me that with that money we could have renovated the house or had a family trip and it's my problem. Upon insisting, he said something along the lines of *"we weren't even at your stupid party, so stop bothering me".* We fought about it. I yelled at him that Lucy will never see us as family or see me as a parent if he acts like that. He said that he didn't marry me looking for a new mom for Lucy, and that if I keep trying to meddle in her business and doing stupid things (quoting the party) then we're done, because he's sick of my stupidity and that I embarrassed them. That was it for me, so I took my son and we left. I haven't received a single call from him. I saw on social media that they went out to dinner, Lucy quoted *"a good family time"* and they both looked happy. It's clear that they don't care about us. Toby is inconsolable over all of this and so am I. My mom insists that I find a divorce lawyer, but I think I'm pregnant (not confirmed yet) and I don't want to raise another child with an absent father. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

My stepdaughter ran away from the birthday party I threw for her.

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prettiergenghis

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zqhk2c

\*\*I am NOT OP.\*\* Original had to be taken down as it hadn't been 7 days since the update, it has been now so it should work. Original post by u/concernedfather202 Trigger Warnings: >!crimes against tea, mental abuse!< mood spoilers: >!good for the daughter but frustrating!< --- **AITA Daughter and I are fighting over her clothes, food, curfew EVERYTHING** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydcf8e/comment/itr9q2m/ on Wednesday, October 26, 2022 --- Anonymous account because my daughter is often on reddit. I (M59) have a daughter (24F) named "Jen". Growing up, I worked a lot and missed out on school events, meetings, etc. I also had a stressful job I hated and anger issues back then, so Jen and I were rocky for the first 18 years. Jen went out of state for college and never spoke to me, not even if I offered to pay for books or rent or anything. When she visited for holidays, she stayed with my ex wife and her new husband. Jen came back to our city for work last year and started law school last month. My ex-wife and Jen are still very close, but my ex is remarried and is currently taking care of her husband's elderly father, who lives with them, so Jen has to live with me as she is unable to work this year due to starting law school. She pays for her own groceries (we have different tastes) and utilities. I don't need the money but she insisted. She is cordial with me but we don't interact like father and daughter should - we're like strained roomates. Some issues we have are: •Jen wears sweatpants and tshirts to school. I NICELY offered to take her shopping for some smart suits, skirts, blouses, etc. so she can fit in. She said no and continues to dress like a slob every day for class. I don't know much about lawyers, but I'm pretty sure you can't wear sweatpants to court. •I noticed Jen makes herself an omelet everyday so I started making omelets for her before she gets up so she doesn't need to burden herself, but she says she doesn't like my omelets and asks me to stop cooking for her. This hurt me greatly as she used to beg for my omelets when she was little. •Jen comes home after 8pm every single day. She tells me she is studying at the school or going to the gym but now that the days are getting darker earlier she needs to be home earlier because I worry about her getting into an accident or worse. She has a desk in her room and can study here. So take into account all these issues we are having and then last Friday (10/21) she comes home at 9pm when it was pitch black and says she was at the bar with some classmates. No text from her, no call, nothing, and she wasn't even studying. I tried to have a calm conversation with her about my concerns but she yelled at me that she's allowed to socialize with her peers after midterm exams. I understand this but school comes first, not drinks, and she should have let me know what she was doing. Jen then grabbed her keys and tried to leave but I held my ground in front of the door, begging her not to drive drunk and in the dark. She ended up just going to her room for the night. We didn't speak all weekend and she continues to come home after dark every night. I'm very concerned for my daughter and I'm worried law school may be too hard on her. However I don't want to have another blow up with her like we did on Friday. Reddit, AITA for fighting with my daughter over every little thing when really I am just concerned for her? --- Post #2 **How do I 59M repair my relationship with my 24F daughter?** https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yf2ppn/how_do_i_59m_repair_my_relationship_with_my_24f/ on Friday, October 28, 2022 --- My daughter "Jen" has been living with me since starting law school this fall. We have gotten into constant blowup fights about her coming home late and not eating breakfast I make for her. I posted about this on a different sub earlier this week and got voted the asshole. People said I cannot control my daughter's curfew nor how she presents herself to the world, so I need to let her make her own mistakes I suppose. So now that I'm the asshole, I need advice on how to fix things. I refuse to lose my daughter. Since the big blowup last Friday, when I caught her coming home drunk and admonished her accordingly, we continue to tiptoe around each other. I have knocked on her door a few times around bedtime to see if we can talk, but she doesn't answer and has locked the door so I can't enter her bedroom. She now leaves for class before I get up and comes home around 9pm - 10pm sometimes. I greet her every evening as I am unable to go to sleep if she isn't home (I no longer enforce a curfew), but she just blows past me into her room. If she cooks for herself, it's when I'm sleeping or at work. I can't keep living like this. She's like a stranger to me. We used to get along when she was a little girl, then around 13 - 14 years old she became horrible to me. Wouldn't let me hug her, kiss her, one time she even screamed at me because I put some food on her plate during dinner! I acknowledge my previous faults and failures as a father, but I attended therapy during my divorce and only stopped because of the pandemic. She is still holding onto past impressions of me, and I'm worried that she will not see that I have changed and am trying to do better. This morning I intercepted her while she was eating breakfast before class. I tried to strike up a conversation with her and she just ignored me on her phone. The old me would have taken her phone and thrown it at the wall (as I said, I had previous faults), but I successfully restrained myself and let her be. I no longer make her omelets, but I put out bowls of fruit for her which she never touches. So Reddit, please offer me some advice. I'm not a bad man, and if I am, I genuinely am trying to change. I need to talk to my daughter and I'm terrified that it may be too late. --- Post #3 **Daughter 24F finally spoke to me M59. Feel like our relationship is reparable.** https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yjekzy/daughter_24f_finally_spoke_to_me_m59_feel_like/ on Wednesday, November 2, 2022 --- If you read my last 2 posts, you'll be able to get a better sense of my situation. After a cold war that lasted over a week, I decided I had enough and waited for her outside her bedroom. She eventually came out and I asked if we could talk. I first told her that I was sorry for treating her like a child when she is a capable adult in graduate school. I then told her if she can't treat me like a daughter should treat a father, we would need to look into getting her to move out and find a roommate as she wouldn't be able to stay with me anymore. I ended by saying I would not be ignored in my own house (as a commenter on my previous post pointed out). She was quiet, but then said "okay sure. Sorry dad." I opened my arms for a hug, but she pushed past me. I admit the hug was a little optimistic on my part, but I understand she needs time, and I didn't press it. We're now on speaking terms again. We say "good mornings" and "good nights", which is better than it has been this past week. In return, I have stopped cooking for her altogether, and I no longer expect her home at a certain hour. She texts me when she's heading home which I consider a win! I have vowed to be a better father to her which I hope she is seeing. I'm hopeful about the future. --- Post #4 **Is my adult daughter (24F) taking advantage of me (59M), we argued over tea for god's sake** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/zkib9g/comment/j02twus/ on Saturday, November 5, 2022 --- Please check my other posts for context. I'm trying out different subreddits so I can gain a broader amount of feedback and advice. Things have been better since we spoke earlier this week, but Jen (fake name for my daughter) is still awkward around me, despite my apologizing for my recent behavior. I feel that an incident this morning has stunted any improvement in our relationship. So around 9AM, she starts making breakfast in the kitchen. I come out and we chat for a bit. She has class at 11 today. I see she has the kettle going and next to it is a cup with a teabag in it. Since she is busy cooking, I go to the fridge, get the milk, and pour some into the bottom of her cup to take an extra step off her hands. Simple right? Well she gets an attitude with me. Says she likes to put the hot water over the teabag, let it sit for a few minutes, and then add milk and sugar. When I try to explain the convenience, she cuts me off and says it won't taste good, and adding milk before the hot water is going to mess with this super sacred tea-making process. I think this is absolute horseshit and that she wants to pick a fight with me. For the first time in a long time, I snapped at her and said okay, you don't want me to cook for you (tell me what kid doesn't want to wake up or come home to a hot meal), you don't want me to help you make tea, you don't want anything from me except a place to live. She said yes, that is correct. I sat in the kitchen in silence while she finished cooking, ate, and cleaned up. She also made a show of emptying out the cup I had prepared for her and getting a new cup and making tea her way. I was still in the kitchen when she left for class, and she said absolutely nothing to me, even though I was hinting that she owed me an apology. So here I am typing my thoughts about the morning's events. I think I want to ask her to move out, but I need to have a valid reason to do so or I'll be the bad guy in everyone's eyes. Please let me know if it looks like she is indeed taking advantage of living with me, and if this is the case, when should I tell her to move out. If I do seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion, I also need to hear this as well. Thanks. TLDR: after an incident this morning, I want to ask my daughter to move out. --- Post #5 **Daughter (24F) is moving out of my (59M) house. I thought I'd feel relief but I'm not ready for this to happen.** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/zkib9g/comment/j02tran/ on Tuesday, November 15, 2022 --- I don't know where the time goes. When your daughters are young, all they want to do is hug you and kiss you and crawl on top of you. I used to beg her for personal space. Then the teenage years hit and they want nothing to do with you. Ah! What a fool I was. I didn't appreciate her affection.My daighter ("Jen") who is in law school came to me on Saturday and told me she would be moving out this upcoming weekend. Right before Thanksgiving! I naturally had a million questions. Mainly: where is she moving to? And with who? Jen has always been secretive about her life. She said she was moving in...WITH HER BOYFRIEND. My jaw about hit the floor. I had never known that Jen had a boyfriend. I asked how long she had been seeing this guy. She said almost 3 years! They met at college and started dating. He's a year older than her and works in the city. His apartment is located closer to her school. I wanted to vomit. First of all, I had no idea she was even interested in dating. In high school for dances and events, she never went with a date, always a group of friends. I would often ask her if she was dating anyone, and she'd just roll her eyes and look disgusted. I guess I just stopped asking after a while. I asked her when I could meet her boyfriend (lets call him "Dan"). She said he would come by this weekend to help her move. I said she wasn't going to move in with someone I have never met. She said good luck trying to stop her (is that a challenge, Jen?). I asked how she would be paying for this apartment. The city we live in isn't cheap, that's why I live in the suburbs. She said Dan's family owns the apartment (they own a few different properties) and that her and Dan would split expenses and utilities. She worked throughout college and for a year after college, but I didn't think she made that much money. I don't know this guy. She wouldn't even give me a last name. I thought about calling my ex to see if she knew about this, but to be honest, I don't think I could bear her telling me she knows about Dan while I have just found out about this. I'm also embarrassed to say that I'm just not comfortable of her moving in with a boyfriend. My daughter, despite wanting to be a lawyer, is not the brightest bulb. She was a solid B student in middle and high school, and to my knowledge, she was never on any Honor Roll in college. In other words, she's not very smart and I don't think she's making the right decision here. HOWEVER, I'm trying to take previous advice and not just jump the gun and ambush her into staying here. The other thing that really bugs me is I asked her if she would be coming back for Thanksgiving. She said no, she'd be spending it with Dan's family because I have never shown an interest in Thanksgiving, and this was the first she was hearing about any Thanksgiving day plans of mine. I mean...she's right, I'm not really a holiday guy, but I could have bought a turkey and sides from a restaurant if it meant that much to her. To be honest, I don't really know what she does as we haven't spent Thanksgiving together since the divorce, but I am interested in starting a new tradition with her if it makes her happy. I followed her to her room and asked if she would reconsider moving out in a year or so. Only when she's more financially and socially secure. She looked at me kind of sideways and said no, then shut the door in my face. I am absolutely flabbergasted. I know I mentioned wanting her to leave in my last post, but I didn't mean so soon. It seems like my daughter is slipping out of my fingers as I speak. I'm not sure what to do or if it's worth even talking to her. How am I supposed to deal with this? ​TLDR: Daughter is moving into an apartment with her boyfriend who I have never met/just found out about. I have negative feelings about this. I need advice on how to tell her it's better to stay with me until she's more secure.​ EDIT/UPDATE: I've read the comments. I don't want to forefeit a relationship with her anymore than I have. I'm still going to insist on sitting Dan down and talking with him this weekend but I understand that I have to let her go and she will come back to me on her own. --- Post #6 **Recovered moving day post! Thanks to** u/imyrs **I'm empty.** https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zqhk2c/comment/j11yvhq/ --- Hi everyone. Please feel free to look at my profile for my previous posts. I (M59) woke up this morning to an empty house. I stopped by the room that my daughter Jen (24F) lived in until recently. She didn't take much, but it still looks so different. She moved out on Saturday. Put some boxes and her suitcases near the front door. I sat at the kitchen table waiting for her boyfriend (Dan) who I've never met show up so we could talk properly. He did show up. He introduced himself, shook my hand, and then completely ignored me as he helped Jen move her things to his car outside. I remained at the table, staring him down, so he would know that he was behaving inappropriately. He and Jen both ignored me. It took maybe 15 minutes to get all of her things. Jen finally approached me and said she was leaving, left her keys on the table. I said she would need them to come back, and she said verbatim "I'm not coming back." The emotions began to rise then. I felt unsteady as I stood up and opened my arms for a hug, as I had been doing for her entire life. She used to see me open my arms and run in for a hug, knocking the wind from me. She just backed away and held her hand out instead. A handshake. From my own daughter. I've never been so hurt in my life. I walked both of them out. I said I'd be here alone on Thanksgiving unless she chooses to come. I said I would get her a pumpkin pie if she came. She said she wouldn't be, didn't I remember, she was spending it with Dan and his family. So I guess that hasn't changed. I decided now was my chance and I told Dan to take care of my daughter and treat her with respect. He gave me the smuggest little smile and said of course he would. I wanted to smack him in the face. I hope he feels good knowing he has manipulated my daugter into leaving her own father home alone. I guarantee things would have been different if he wasn't around. Jen then asked if she could come by and get her desk and chair next week, when they had more room in the car. I said I was going to burn her desk the minute she left. Dan said in the most smart-ass way possible "Don't worry, I'll get you a better desk." Jen simply shrugged and then left with him. I watched them drive away, then the tears came. I cried all afternoon, and a little more yesterday morning. I felt so alone. I used to wait to hear her footsteps in the kitchen and know it was time to get up. Now I feel no reason to leave my bed or even cook for myself. I sat in front of the TV with nothing playing for a good hour. My daughter has abandoned me. I feel no reason to even live. I took work off today because I keep tearing up at random times and knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Parents who have had their kids move out, how do you cope? I texted her this morning and she didn't respond. I don't want to overwhelm her and her new life, as there is clearly no room in it for me. But I need to talk to my daughter again and apologize. TLDR: My daughter has abandoned me at home alone. I feel like dying and I need guidance. --- Post #7 **I (59M) want to ask my daughter (24F) over for christmas, but she has other plans and I feel lonely and sad.** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/zkib9g/comment/izztwy8/ on Tuesday, December 13, 2022 --- Hi everyone. Previous posts on my page for context. I've been busy. I started therapy (at the recommendation of a lot of commenters) and I've gone to 3 sessions so far. I don't know if anything has really changed, but I am desperate for a relationship with my daughter "Jen". I spent a lonely Thanksgiving by myself. The morning of I sent Jen 1 last text inviting her over, but she never responded. I called the number and got her voicemail, so I know her phone was working. I was in a dark place for a while. I'm still not happy with her living with her boyfriend, but I've chosen to let this go for now, despite the disrespect he showed me when they moved her stuff out of my house. She is free to make her own mistakes, as people on reddit pointed out. I've texted her about once a day since she left. Usually just a "hi" or a "love you" or even sometimes just a smiley face emoji to know I've been thinking about her. I didn't expect her to always respond, but she hasn't even responded to 1 text. Until today. My therapist suggested asking her and her boyfriend "Dan" over for Christmas. I really really REALLY don't want Dan back into my house but I need to see Jen. So I hemmed and hawed and decided I'd make that sacrifice. So I texted her this morning with an invite extended to both her and Dan. She responded about an hour ago that her and Dan would be spending Christmas in Mexico and wouldn't be back until the New Year. I immediately tried to call her which she didn't answer. I texted her that sounded like an expensive trip that she can't afford and that she should take her winter break to prepare for the next semester. She didn't respond, so I panicked and told her if she went I would call the cops and have Dan arrested for kidnapping. After I sent this, I immediately felt regret and shame so I sent her an apology text that I didn't mean what I said, I'm just worried she's not being safe and 8 days in Mexico is a long time. She hasn't responded to my apology yet. I'm worried I blew my chance at getting back together with her for the holidays. I don't know if I can do another holiday by myself, especially with seeing families come together and enjoy themselves. Any advice would be appreciated.​ TLDR - I want to invite my daughter over for the holidays but she is going out of town with her boyfriend who I don't like. Should I let this go or try to change her mind? Personal Note: TLDR, I can see why he's divorced. **Comments** - gathered by u/rahonan Some great comments from him From the first post: **Doesn't know anything about law school** **OP replies:** "Classes that will eventually allow her to get into court. It's important that she dresses properly in case she meets a future employer or judge. Hell, it's important she dresses properly so her teachers and colleagues will take her seriously. She's not in college anymore." **a commenter replied:** "Nobody dresses professionally to attend classes unless it's mandatory." --- **OP then replied:** "I doubt your use of "nobody". Nobody wants to appear well groomed and presentable at school? This isn't college, this is law school. People are all about opinions and first impressions. No one will hire her if she's dressed like a slob." **The commenter replied back:** "That is a complete lie. How much experience do you have in law school?" **Daddy dearest replies:** "So if you were interviewing someone for a job and they showed up in pajamas, you wouldn't find that detrimental to them?" **Forgets about headlights existing** **OP replies:** "It's not the time that bothers me but it's how dark it gets. We're in the midwest and the sun goes down around 6pm now. Anyone would agree that it's not safe for anyone to drive when it's that dark out" **He's not controlling her, only helping her** **Totally not oblivious OP replies:** "I am not controlling her. All of these were suggestions I made and she chose to ignore them, but we need to have a conversation about why she wants to ignore my help." **OP replies:** "I am definitely trying to make up for it. I want her to be successful and focus on school, but part of that comes with presenting yourself in a positive light. I make her breakfast so she doesn't need to wake up earlier and do it herself but she doesn't see that Im' trying to help her." --- From the second post: **Saying he only sees her as her little girl** **OP replies:** "I do think I was wrong maybe it was delayed but I realize now I cannot control her and that to me she's still a little girl but I understand I need to take some steps back but I need to show her how sorry I am I just don't know how I can get that message across." **About throwing the phone at the wall** **OP replies:** "I've never thrown anyone's phone at the wall I've only done it once when she was in high school and painting her nails with polish and the smell made me sick but she woudn't go in her room to do it so I took the bottle and threw it out the front door but that was only one time and she didn't seem all that fazed by it. **a commenter wisely replies:** "Yeah, you're an abusive father. Three days of a few apologies is NOWHERE near enough." **OP replies:** "I may have been abusive but I have changed." --- From third and fourth post: **Not realizing he's a jerk** **OP replies:** "I don't understand how I continued to treat her like shit. I have been a bad father in the past, but I am moving forward and bettering myself everyday. It's not too late." **OP replies:** "I'm not trying to be mean to her, but how did I " bully" her?" --- **Again with him thinking she's a child** **OP replies:** "She isn't my roommate though, she's my daughter. We don't have the bond that a father and daughter should have. It breaks my heart into pieces when I see fathers spending time with their daughters in the city, sharing ice cream cones, swinging them around.....I want to have a relationship like that." --- From the fifth post: **Racist?** (oh god, it's real!) **OP replies:** "But she isn't working right now. Being a student full-time doesn't pay the bills. The only reason she went to law school is because she got a scholarship for being half-POC." **About her not being thr brightest bulb** **a commenter wisely replies:** "you judge people based on academic achievements and SHE is the one whos not smart?? my man ..." **OP stupidly replies:** "I only bring it up because she has a history of making bad decisions. To be honest, I was surprised when she mentioned going to law school (ever since she was little she wanted to be an author or write screenplays). I just thought someone with a better GPA and who was more academically inclined would do better in law school." **A commenter wisely counters:** "Provide us examples of making bad decisions please. Getting Bs is NOT an indication of failure to study. For all we know, she was in all honors/AP/IB courses in high school (the hardest courses available to her), and taking 18 credits a semester in college while rocking it on the swim team (and you WANT her getting involved in some physical activity to keep herself well long term). Right now you list NO bad decisions (ie skipping school to smoke dope with the town thugs). So, right now, you look like the idiot. Not your daughter." **OP replies:** "She took 1 AP class in high school, so my argument still remains. She was also caught smoking cigarettes when she was 17, and she was grounded for a month. My daughter did not do organized sports in college. She was too busy partying and apparently sneaking around with boys. She graduated with a 3.6 GPA and no academic achievements. Forgive me for being wrong, but law school is academically challenging, no?" --- One last random good one found by u/AsherTheFrost : **In response to someone asking if perhaps he's just overreacting.** "No she's always blown up at me before. Always itching to get away from me even when she was a preteen. I haven't hugged or kissed her in years because she'll physically push me off or duck away. My most vivid memory of her behavior is we were out at dinner as a family and I put some of my food on her plate for her to try and she yelled at me in front of the entire restaurant to not do that. She doesn't care who is around, she has to disrespect me." Personal Note: TLDR, I can see why he's divorced. **Reminder-I am not the original poster**

Neglectful moron alienates his daughter by trying to play dad

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Buff_Helpy69

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Possible child abuse from baby’s father?

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Posts question

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage

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Girlfriend(24) gave me(19m) an ultimatum on marriage PART 2

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I’m going to ruin my best friend's life tomorrow and I feel no remorse

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u/SD_Lostboy goes Cougar hunting in Connecticut. Locals are confused and concerned.

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Toxic_tutu

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zqr97h

Disclaimer: I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/notanimalperson posting in r/Relationship_Advice Trigger Warning: >!mental illness; animal hoarding/abuse !< ******************************* [My spouse is a pet hoarder](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/osl85b/my_spouse_is_a_pet_hoarder/) (July 27, 2021) It’s 6 AM and the roosters have been crowing non stop for the last two hours in our sunroom adjacent to our bedroom. I’m now sitting in the basement as flies swarm around me and I’ve given up swatting them because there’s too many to bother. The basement is the area of the house with the least amount of flies. On top of the rooster noise is the cackle of male quail that reside in our living room. They live in the base of 3 cages that are filled with budgies and cockatiel. When I wake up I remember to put on my slippers and I hope I get to them before stepping in dog urine or fresh dog shit. Our carpet in our master bedroom is saturated in dog urine with many spots that haven’t dried out yet. Yesterday, my wife bought our daughter a new tortoise and a frog. The tortoise will be added to the aquarium with our bearded dragon. The bearded dragon which is often is free to roam the house because my wife feels it will be happier. It is free to poop on our furniture or floor or where it was left out last. As I sit here in my basement, the one place where I do not allow any pets, I’m listening to a rabbit thumping it’s paws on the floor above me, or it’s the sound of it biting and ripping apart our wall or furniture. I’m not sure which noise it is but I don’t care anymore. We have at least 6 rabbits. Their little claws make a loud scraping and tapping noise as they scurry and hop across our laminate floors. The main level of our home is littered in rabbit droppings. The droppings get pushed to the side as our four children and us inadvertently kick them around while walking through the main level of our home. The dogs won’t likely get let out this morning to go the bathroom. The smaller dog doesn’t even obey the command to go out anymore. He just stares at you confused by your directive. If he does go outside, he just comes back in to find a place to shit and pee in one of our bedrooms. Our backyard doesn’t have much dog shit because it’s mostly in our bedrooms. It will stay there for days on end because there is no expectation that it shouldn’t be there. The new smell from the giant rug I bought for the basement has worn off. It smelled like glue and dye and it drowned out the odors from the dozen chicken that reside in our family and living room. They live in a couple 36 inch fabric pop up enclosures filled with pine shavings. It is saturated with chicken shit and urine and has soaked into our oak hardwood floors permanently damaging them. The stench is eye watering. We have a lot of feathered friends here. In our master bedroom are three more cages with a variety of exotic birds that sing loudly all day long and leave a permanent mess of seeds on the floor around the cages. They are free to roam and so our room has dropping along our beds headboard, on our pillows, along the sides of the doors where they perch, in our bathroom mirrors and down our shower curtains. Our sunroom has 30 + chickens and about 8 or 10 of them are roosters and the roosters crow all day. This is where the flies breed. They come in through the 40 year old sliding door that is often left open. This door separates the sunroom from our living area and our kitchen. The flies swarm in and at any given time there are dozens of flies in our living space. The heat and humidity bake the sunroom floor which is covered in chicken shit and urine and the odor spreads through the house. Our house is in a suburban neighborhood. We do not live on a farm. In addition to these animals, we have 2 pet rats. They are sweet but as you would expect, their cage is not well maintained and it stinks 90% of the time. Our boys room has a snake and axolotl aquarium. One of our daughters has an algae covered fish aquarium that we fill with water whenever we hear the filter screech because the water evaporated too low. She also has an unkept cage with a hamster that is rarely played with. Right now I’m listening to the mice eat through the foam board insulation in my basement. I want to get rid of them, but it’s challenging with all the access to feed throughout the house. They seem to be breeding and entering through the home and a faster pace than they can be exterminated. I am not a pet person and this life is driving me nuts. My wife is a pet hoarder and has ADHD. Our backyard is a ghost town of quail cages from last year when she was really into quail breeding and we had over 150 living in our backyard. Now there remains broken and half built cages and mounds of shavings and wood chips that she intended to use as bedding. Scattered in random places in our backyard are household garbage bags of chicken shit. When you try to lift them they fall apart because they weigh 30-40 pounds and the bags have deteriorated from the sun. When challenged, she seems to delight in the frustration it causes me because she is not happy in our marriage. It seems that accumulating animals is bringing her little bits of dopamine with each acquisition. I’m tired of living like this and I don’t know what to do. Our children think this behavior is acceptable and they often chide at me for not being on board with the animals. They say I’m not a pet person. It’s true that I’m actually not a “pet person”. But what we having going on here is irresponsible, unsanitary and illegal. This is pet cruelty and normalizing neglect of animals. EDIT: People think this is a shit post but it’s real. I’m not uploading pics for privacy, but it’s genuine. I wrote it in this style just to express everything because it’s distressing and aggravating and I haven’t expressed it to anyone. I’m seriously asking for advise. It’s slipped out of control. The amount of pushback from my wife when I address the problems creates a lot of tension and distresses the children. She just keeps bringing home animals. The last time I threatened to rehome the chickens that she was keeping in the house, she became extremely angry and combative. She rehomed them but not after a slew of insults and claiming I was being totally unreasonable. Then she just slips back into the same behaviors because she never believed it was a problem in the first place. We’ve had company come to our house but no one has called CPS or animal control yet. Seeing all these reactions has me realizing just how bad it is from an outside perspective and a CPS call is a serious possibility and that is terrifying. *end Edit* ******************************* [Wife is an animal hoarder update. 1.5 years later](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zkytrb/wife_is_an_animal_hoarder_update_15_years_later/) (December 13, 2022) Some of you may remember my post venting and looking for advice on what to do in regards to an extreme animal hoarding situation with my wife. Dozens of chickens residing in the home and a variety of animals roaming outside of cages in the home, feces and a rampant mice infestation. After posting, I sought therapy and started getting my bearings straightened out. In the midst of setting firm boundaries and beginning the work to clean up literally 2 tons of chicken shit, sand and pine shavings and resolving the rodent problem a call to CPS was made by a third party and an investigation ensued. Believe it or not by that time, much of the situation was resolved, animals rehomed, home cleaned and sanitized. Nothing came of the cps investigation and it was pretty quickly closed out. However the relationship was essentially permanently damaged as my wife continued to deny the problem was out of hand. Deep resentment developed towards each other. Fast forward nearly 12 months and my wife requested a divorce. We are now separated awaiting an official legal divorce. I have moved into a very nice home and have the kids 50/50. My physical and mental health has dramatically improved. My kids now have an organized and clean haven. They seem happy. It seems inevitable she may lose custody of the kids at some point altogether. I’m hoping she can keep things in check but due to the constant denial that there was a problem it will most likely repeat. I may have no choice but take steps to ensure the children’s safety at some point further disrupting the children’s lives from their otherwise loving mother. Limitations on pet quantities and cleanliness standards are written into the divorce settlement agreement. BTW, wife has been in therapy for a couple years in the midst of the hoarding. I guess you could say the therapist was either not savvy to the situation or enabling to an irresponsible level. I’m leaning towards the latter. She became more and more emboldened that I was causing her problems as opposed to looking inward. Her therapist seemed to fuel the delusions as far as I could tell. Anyway, thanks for all your advice and getting me to wake up to the madness I contributed to through inaction. *********************** Reminder, I am NOT OOP. Please do not contact OOP or comment on his original posts. Side note, I sympathize greatly with situations like this. I, myself, am a huge animal lover and if given the chance, I’d probably own a dozen or so animals myself. While I might complain to my husband now and then about not letting me get that 4th dog I so desperately want, I’m grateful for the reality check he gives me that it wouldn’t be fair to our other 3. I’m glad OOP was able to stand up and recognize the environment his (ex) wife created wasn’t healthy for his children, the animals and even himself. I hope his ex gets herself a better therapist that will actually help her tackle her issues.

OOP’s wife is an extreme pet hoarder and craves a normal life for himself and his children

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[Meta] Haven’t seen a new post in two days but they’re in my home feed.

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zqt49j

I am not OP. OP is u/AtypicalCommonplace. Trigger Warnings: >!Invasion of Privacy!< OOP posted an update on Legal Advice that was instalocked as LA does with updates, and so also posted on Legal Advice Off Topic, answering many questions. The LAOT thread was later removed, but since the text was the same, I haven't recovered it. Have posted the text from Legal Advice, and linked both posts for the Update. [**Airbnb Allowing host to place cameras in the room where I would be sleeping**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) September 30th 2022 Hey all, ironically I am a lawyer myself though I am no longer practicing and my area of expertise was way outside this scope - .. More on that below. In a nutshell, I booked a last-minute Airbnb in New York City listed it had security cameras. Fine, no problem, I understand having a camera at the outside of the door. Once the host received my booking I got an email asking me to confirm that I was aware that the cameras were inside the Apartment where I would be staying. Since this was also a studio apartment, that meant that the camera was inside of the room where I would be sleeping, changing, etc. I immediately asked the host to please call me, there were a number of other weird rules like me having to send him a picture of my ID even though I am outside on Airbnb of course, and while waiting 20 minutes for a call back I read some of the other views for other properties and realize this was all very very sketchy. Before the host called me back I let them know I wanted to cancel. The host said he would not accept my cancellation, even though this was less than one or two hours after I had booked, and was based on new information he gave me that was not previously accessible in the stated house rules or else were upfront in the listing. I said I would contact Airbnb. I spent about an hour on the phone with three different Airbnb people, the last told me that I would be receiving a refund. I verbally confirmed this before I went to a hotel and booked it based upon this statement from Airbnb. They asked me if I could send proof of the camera being inside of the room, I said that I didn’t even go over to the place and had no interest in doing so now, but I shared a screenshot of the hosts message to me. They said this was adequate for me to move forward and that afternoon I received a written note saying that I would be refunded and also reimbursed for a portion of my hotel stay. The next day, I received a message from Airbnb saying that they need the host to approve the cancellation and that they would really look into this on Friday. I was extremely confused because this totally contradicted the information I had been given and relied upon the day before. I called and was told I would receive a call that “soon“. After 48 hours I still had not received a call back so I called again. After explaining the situation the person on the phone said that I was right, that this was a violation, and that I would receive a refund as well as the reimbursement. I thanked him, confirmed I received the message, and went about my day. That night, I received another message from Airbnb, please note again that this was not a call just a random message saying that I would not get a refund after all. I once again called this morning, explain the situation, was told they would resolve it and that I was right, and then again, less than an hour later, got a message contradicting this fact and taking it back again. Obviously, I want my money back and I would like some sort of compensation for the fact that I have now spent over 10 hours on this issue with over a dozen Airbnb customer service people who apparently do not talk to each other nor do they know about or understand Airbnb is expressly stated policy that cameras one should not be in the bedroom and two need to be clearly Disclosed. Not to mention the fact that I relied upon information they gave me to book another place. But this is actually much bigger Than me. I used to be an attorney representing human trafficking survivors and I cannot tell you the number of times that unknown surveillance devices were used against them. Now, am I trying to say that just by sleeping in a room with a camera I would be pulled into some sort of underground human trafficking ring? No. But the consequences of surveillance in private areas where we sleep and dress, particularly at this point in time in the United States where I live, are simply too high to let this go. I need help figuring out what to do next. Thank you for any advice you can provide! ETA: Thanks all! Through my conversations with Airbnb today it has become clear that they believe there has been no violation even though there is a camera in the bedroom, because it is pointed at the door. By this point they have had five full days notice of cameras existing in private areas against their policies, and as this post has 30+ listings it could be extrapolated that there have been over 100 days of this issue occurring this week Alone. Many types of cameras can be operated remotely these days, meaning that if you can send it to have a camera in the bedroom, all someone would have to do was trigger the remote device to turn the camera 1 inch and have it be pointed on your body. I am sure I do not need to tell Reded about the nefarious things people do on the Internet and, when Airbnb states expectation of privacy by clearly outlining rules for cameras, I am entitled to that right of Privacy. I was also a lawyer representing survivors Of Human trafficking and domestic violence. I saw all the worst ways that people can use cameras. Throughout the day it is also come to my attention that this has happened to many other people. I’m going to be contacting a personal injury layer to see if An injunction can be placed against Airbnb requiring them to remove cameras from Any bedroom located Within any property. Will keep you posted… [**UPDATE in Case Against Airbnb Where Cameras Were In My Bedroom**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/zl58g9/update_in_case_against_airbnb_where_cameras_were/) [**REPOST Airbnb Update in case folks want to ask me Q's and I can answer publicly here!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/zlc43c/repost_airbnb_update_in_case_folks_want_to_ask_me/) December 13 2022 [Link to initial post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) As per the mo[d comment - I created another post in case folks have Q's - happy to answer them!](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/zlc43c/repost_airbnb_update_in_case_folks_want_to_ask_me/) Long story short - I booked a room on airbnb and later found out there was a camera inside the bedroom (it was a studio so everything was the bedroom.) Airbnb first said you are right, that is not ok, we will reimburse you and pay for 30% of the hotel I would have to book last minute. Then took it back. Then said I was right again. Then took it back again. And on and on. This was not only concerning to me personally but I believe it was a major safety issue that they were not taking seriously and that their customer service representatives clearly did not understand. I spent over 10 hours on the phone with them I tried to contact airbnb customer support and ask for escalation. No response. I then contacted their listed executives a number of times. No response. I then used an online platform claiming to "help consumers against big corporations." This company said they would take 20% of whatever i got back, fine, whatever, I just want airbnb to stop allowing cameras in bedrooms! Guess what? Airbnb did not respond. So I continued on and filed an arbitration case as per the terms of service when you use airbnb. Within TWO HOURS of the arbitration court contacting us about the matter, an ENTIRE TEAM of lawyers was sent by airbnb to go against me in my claim. Four lawyers, to be exact, each of which I am sure is billing multiple hundreds of dollars an hour. I shouldn't be surprised but the waste of resources astounds me. I am sure they are just trying to intimidate me and I am not falling for this BS. THIS is why all these companies charge so much. Because they refuse to handle basic customer service issues and then pass on these absurd things like lawyer fees to us, the consumer. Anyways, just wanted to update y'all. For everyone's info, it costs $200 to file with arbitration so the fact that I have to have so much time and resources to fight for what is right already has me really upset. But such is the way when it comes to David v. Goliath. I'll update as the case continues and thanks to everyone here who initially provided support and guidance! EDITED TO ADD: Airbnb scrubbed all the correspondence I had with them and the original host. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS screen shot EVERYTHING the MOMENT you think anything may be fishy! EDITED 2: To clarify/add more context. I myself am an attorney but I no longer practice and, even if I did, my background is in representing survivors of human trafficking. Why is this relevant? Well because the reason this makes me so angry is NOT just because of me. Want to know one of the many tactics used against my clients? You guessed it, recordings of them undressing/naked/sleeping, etc. At the worst they also drugged folks and taped them engaging in sex acts. Now, am I actually concerned that this would happen to me? No (it could but no). In part because I had the resources to refuse to stay and use a credit card to book a hotel. Some folks have mentioned in the other thread that I could have called the police but we know that calling the police doesn't feel like the safe option for everyone. So by allowing this airbnb is basically making someone choose between staying in a room with a video camera where they sleep/walk to bathroom/change, etc OR hoping they have extra $ to get a hotel OR feel ok calling the police. So I am fighting this because that is just absolutely unacceptable. EDITED THREE; Some folks have also asked why they went back on their offered refund. First they said that I had "notice" because the listing said it had security cameras. Never mind you that security cameras in private areas (such as where you sleep) is against airbnb policies. When I brought THAT UP the customer service rep had the audacity to say "well the host said it isn't pointed at the bed" (WHAAAAA?/?!?!) In case you are unaware of technological innovations, you can remotely move a camera to point towards anywhere in the room. Yeah no. I'm fighting this. EDIT FOUR: WOW Y'all, thanks so much! I will admit, I was a little freaked out yesterday when I saw the show of force airbnb tried to throw at me but you all have bouyed my spirits and given me fortitude for the fight. THANK YOU. But you also knocked off my AMA with my much-beloved-WW2-fighter pilot Great Uncle from my top post! LOL, He passed a few months ago so, in case you want to read a story of a REAL American hero - including an anecdote that continues to make me die of laughter - you can do so here-[https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcqhhq/im\_jack\_hallett\_a\_101\_year\_old\_ww2\_fighter\_pilot/](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcqhhq/im_jack_hallett_a_101_year_old_ww2_fighter_pilot/) OP's comment: OOP replied to lots of comments in the LAOT thread, and I'd recommend reading through those to get her take and some additional context and information. Some additional discussion and replies from her are also on a BestofLegalAdvice thread I had posted [https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/zl8g5w/airbnb\_cameras\_in\_the\_bedrooms\_2\_arbitration/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/zl8g5w/airbnb_cameras_in_the_bedrooms_2_arbitration/)

Airbnb Allowing host to place cameras in the room where I would be sleeping

ONGOING

boringhistoryfan

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zqt49j/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/

zquxt6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/bridesmaiddressthrow **in** r/AmItheAsshole   [**AITA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party because of how sensitive she was being towards my ideas for dresses?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/engdkr/aita_for_kicking_a_girl_out_of_my_bridal_party/) \- 12th January 2020 I feel like I’m gonna get a lot of hate for this but I had to post it anyways. Btw on a throwaway. So I’m getting married soon (28 F), and one of the most exciting parts of the wedding for me are the bridesmaids and the dresses. I don’t consider myself to be a bridezilla, but on my special day, I want everything to be as perfect and coordinated as it could possibly be. So about a week ago I decided to invite my bridesmaids over so we could discuss dresses and stuff. Let’s call the bridesmaid I had the issue with “Joy.” Before they came over I already had a nice dress in mind. The dress was burgundy, form fitting, cut a little above the knees, and had one shoulder strap. I thought it was gorgeous and very feminine for women our age, but Joy and a couple of other girls weren’t exactly comfortable (mostly because it was form fitting) so I let it slide. I really wanted a dress that all of the bridesmaids would love and feel comfortable in, but they had to be the same. So the next dress was still burgundy, but it touched the floor (no slit) and it had spaghetti straps. Everybody loved the dress except for Joy, who claimed that she didn’t want to wear the dress because she’s insecure about her shoulders. Fair enough. At this point I knew that Joy was going to be difficult to work with, but I kept going because again, I wanted to be accommodating. I think we went through 5 or 6 more dresses before the last one. (The dresses that I showed the bridesmaids were modest IMO and little things were what made Joy not want to wear them). The complaints she had were always something small like “I don’t like how the dress shows the shoes, then my toes would be out” or “my hair isn’t long enough to compliment those sleeves” (yes, I’m 100% serious). So the last dress I showed them was a floor length burgundy dress, loose, had beautiful long sleeves, and the only thing that was keeping it from not being a burgundy maxi dress with long sleeves was the fact that there was a slit that came up to below the knee. It honestly was one of my least favorite dresses out of the ones I chose, but I wanted to try to be accommodating. Again, everyone seemed to agree with the dress except for Joy, who claimed that the slit was a little too provocative for her taste. After this, I was a little frustrated, so I just said we’d try looking at dresses again another time. While the girls were leaving, I pulled Joy aside and explained that I don’t think she’d be a good fit for my bridal party because this aspect of the wedding meant a lot to me and her demands were too “nitpicky” to be a part of the group, but I still wanted her to be at the wedding. She got upset and said that I was excluding her because of her insecurities. I said that I already tried to accommodate her by showing many different styled dresses, but she didn’t want to hear it, and left. So, am I TA? Edit: I am paying for the dresses Edit 2: Wow, this blew up more than I expected. I’m trying to read the new comments (there’s over 300 which is crazy) and respond to the INFO comments, but if I missed it, I’m sorry! :( But I just wanted to respond here to some frequently asked questions, and to make some clarifications. * I wanted matching dresses because I’ve seen pictures and videos of weddings where the bridesmaids wore matching dresses and I fell in love with the look. * I wanted an unanimous vote instead of “majority rules” because this is how I looked at it. Say all of the bridesmaids loved this dress but 2 of them didn’t, and I picked the dress anyways. I would feel bad if 2 of my bridesmaids felt uncomfortable the whole night because they were “overpowered” by the others. * Joy is one of my friends from college. Yes we’re not the closest like best friends closest, but I still appreciate her, which is why I asked her to be a part of the bridal party. * Just to put this out there, my bridesmaids aren’t the same, but there’s no striking differences that would make me say “wow, these girls can’t pull off the same dress”. What I mean by that is that I don’t have overly tall girls, overly skinny girls, girls with boobs that can’t support a certain dress because they’re TOO big, you get the rest. Also wanted to put this out there, I didn’t choose my bridesmaids because of their body type to match my “same dress aesthetic” (just saying that because I feel like someone would accuse me of it), that’s just how it was. Edit 3: Oh! I forgot to add in something addressing the shawls. I did kind of bring this up while we were looking at dresses, but there were 2 issues with Joy. The first one was that she would veto the dresses, no matter what. The second one is that some of her issues didn’t even have to deal with anything a shawl would fix. For example, she had a problem with slits (no matter how small, as we saw with the last dress). She would also not care about the shawl and veto the dress entirely.   **Verdict - NTA**   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/euwsvi/update_aita_for_kicking_a_girl_out_of_my_bridal/) \- 28th January 2020 So I had an overwhelming response to my post about asking if I was TA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party for being sensitive about dresses, and I got a lot of NTA/ESH, and I could see both sides, understood that I could have handled it better, and I was glad to see that a lot of people also believed that Joy was being “a lot to handle”. Anyways, I decided to take your advice, and here’s an update on the situation, for anyone that’s interested! So after reading a ton of your comments, I decided to call Joy and invite her over to talk. Luckily, she said yes (by the way, before this, she didn’t say she didn’t want to be at my wedding, so she was still planning on becoming a guest), and I apologized for kicking her out with no warning, but I laid out my frustrations. She apologized for being really picky about the dress and realized that the attention wasn’t going to be on her and it wasn’t her day, so it wasn’t really appropriate for her to get upset over fine details on a dress. She also revealed to me that this was going to be her first time being a bridesmaid (she doesn’t usually wear dresses, she’s more of a leggings and sweatshirt type of girl). I took some of your guys’ advice again and asked Joy to show me a couple of dresses online she would be comfortable with (didn’t matter what color, I just wanted to see her style), and she searched for about 10 minutes and couldn’t find one that she “loved”. She kind of looked bummed and a little apologetic, so I came up with a plan. The official dress shopping day for the bridesmaids was the next day, and I invited Joy to go with us, to get a feel for the dresses, to see if she would be comfortable. She agreed. So the next day, my girls and I met up at a dress place, tried on a couple of dresses, and Joy didn’t really like them, even though my other bridesmaids did. Finally, we tried on the 4th dress, which was THE one. The girls fell in LOVE with it, and I looked at joy and she was staring at herself in the mirror, but she had a smile on her face! :) I came up to her and told her again I didn’t mind if she wore a shawl or cover up for some moments, and she nodded and smiled again. Actually one of my bridesmaids (who didn’t really know about the situation) came up to joy and told her how gorgeous she looked in the dress. I’m not gonna lie, I shed a couple of tears because they all looked so beautiful. So we found a dress that was matching and all the girls were happy with, and Joy is back in the bridal party. Hope that this was a happy ending that everyone enjoyed :) Now for me, I have to go to plan other parts of the wedding with my fiancé:) Edit: I couldn’t find the actual dress, but I did find something very similar online - [Link by OOP Kleinfeldbridalparty shop - Doesn't work anymore](https://www.kleinfeldbridalparty.com/shop/dresses/viewitem-KL2160586?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn8nqwo-q5wIVWgOzAB3N9wO6EAkYASABEgJuE_D_Bw) [Alternative link to dress here](https://poshmark.com/listing/TWO-NEW-KLEINFELD-BRIDESMAID-DRESSES-NEVER-WORN-5e0103e9adb58df3a34dbdfb) - thanks to u/Mad_Cat_Lady Edit 2: and thank you guys for all the rewards!! <3. I just wanted to say that a little bit of communication can go a long way. I will admit that I was very stressed when helping my bridesmaids with the dresses, but having a simple conversation saved my friendship and my bridal party! I’m so happy :)   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - AITA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party because of how sensitive she was being towards my ideas for dresses?

CONCLUDED

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zquxt6/oop_aita_for_kicking_a_girl_out_of_my_bridal/

zqvq7y

Trigger Warning - >!child abandonment !< Mood spoiler - >!sad!< **I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/Visible-Object9533](https://www.reddit.com/u/Visible-Object9533/) **in** [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) [My ex left her daughter again](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z9yflb/my_ex_left_her_daughter_again/) \- December 1st, 2022 My ex and I had our daughter when we were really young. When she gave birth to the baby, we were happy and together, but we noticed our daughter was different from other children when she was around 3 and 4. We found a couple months later, after multiple therapy sessions, that she was on the lower spectrum of the autism scale. That bitch, lo and behold, vanished shortly after. But 11 months ago, she came back into our lives after almost 9 years and said that she had turned over a new leaf and was ready to be a mother. I was skeptical at first, but I was relieved to receive assistance. But yesterday, this selfish woman pulled the disappearing act again. I was just getting back into a social life: going out with my friends without having to worry about my daughter's arrangements; having 30 minute baths because I know someone with her; going for walks alone; and so on. I love my daughter, but she can be too much for me sometimes, so when my ex came back into our lives, it was a life saver; it gave me time to myself, and I didn't feel like everything was on my shoulders. I have to work while she is in school to afford her therapy and school, so there is not time for me . My parents don't want to help me out, and I get it; they are retired; they should enjoy themselves; but it's just that they didn't have that energy with my sister's kids and my sister's fear that my daughter will make a scene, so she never invites us anywhere, and my friends visit my daughter sometimes and give her gifts, but they are not really there aside from the birthdays, so I was really lacking a support system. My ex was the only one I had, and now she is gone. She even left me a letter, saying that this isn't the life she wants, like I forced her to have the baby; she chose to have the baby. My parents tried to persuade her otherwise, but she refused, declaring that she would always love her; now look at her. I am just so angry; my daughter deserves a mother, and I deserve some help too. I wish I could hire a nanny, but with my daughter's condition, they are charging more than I can afford. I wish she didn't come back to our lives; at the very least, I wouldn't have gotten a taste of what it feels like to not do everything alone. Now I'm just angry and disappointed. I guess all i can do is take her to court for child support. I didn't do that before because it never really mattered to me because we were so young and it just skipped my mind that i could actually do that, but it only fair that we share the financial obligations for our daughter. **UPDATE:** Thanks for the advice. I tried to join the parents with children with disabilities community in my area, but none of their meetings matched my work schedule, and I'm still having trouble finding childcare. I tried to ask my sister if we could be invited to their Christmas gathering, where most of my extended family will be present, but she made excuses, so I took the hint and didn't bother asking her again. I haven’t been able to locate my ex, I heard that she on vacation in another country but I don’t know if that true because she isn’t posting on social medias, so my case isn’t going anywhere really. ***Relevant comments:*** I had to take her to private school program because she was getting bullied in the public school she was going to and i was getting called practically everyday because she was having constant meltdowns. I do get the SSI check which is about 900 dollars a month but the program she is in is really expensive. Am kind of contemplating wether to put her back into the public school she was in before, i cant put her in a different one because that the only public school in our district that has a special needs program. I think I put them in bad light, my family are good people and it not like they just started excluding her out of nowhere, my daughter just doesn’t handle crowds well and has made a-lot of scenes at family occasion from inflicting self harm to ruining someone birthday cake. My family are not equipped to take care of my daughter and that okay. I know that but i just mentioned it because at the time i was venting about things that were frustrating me. I am looking into all these options but everything is happening really slowly, i have applied for most of the paper work for respite care, mentors etc(about 2 weeks ago, because before this post i was really unaware or uninformed) and the school said there program has improved since then, so I might have to put back in there to see how she feels, because my lawyer friend said i have to have proof they can’t accommodate her. I really appreciate people here telling me about these options. I wish I knew about them before. I am planning to be more present in the children with disability group when I get childcare and I am in facebook group right now. I feel so stupid for not making things easier for myself with these many options but i guess I can only move forward from here. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** ​

My ex left her daughter again

INCONCLUSIVE

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zqvq7y/my_ex_left_her_daughter_again/

zqxse7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_dogstalker in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!stalking, attempted kidnapping, attempted murder!< ---   [**My (28f) dog attacked my stalker after he broke into my house. Now my SIL (32f) says my dog is "too dangerous" to be around my niece (4f). Feel like I'm going crazy.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hpf5l4/my_28f_dog_attacked_my_stalker_after_he_broke/) - 11 July 2020 This is kind of a complicated story but I’ll just get into it. I used to be in this controlling, kind of abusive relationship. When I finally broke it off a year ago, my ex started showing up places, trying to get me to take him back. Eventually, it developed into full-on stalking. He would show up at my work (and took to just waiting outside of it after he was banned), leave notes on my car when I was at the grocery store, leave all kinds of flowers outside my house and then stick angry notes on my door after he saw me throw them in the trash, wrote me all kinds of weird, obsessive emails and letters. I’ve had to change my phone number three times. The behavior escalated over time, and got scarier/more threatening. In one instance, he started a small fire in my driveway but the police couldn’t get enough evidence connecting him to it. It was after that instance that I put cameras in my yard (I previously only had them pointing at my doors). I was horrified to learn that the police couldn’t do shit about any of this until my stalker actually was caught doing something illegal, like breaking into my house. At which point, I might already be dead. I decided I wasn’t spending the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I got a handgun and a concealed carry permit, took some self defense courses, and started doing strength training. I also looked into getting an attack dog, but after all the money I’d sunk into my other methods of protection, they were prohibitively expensive. So I went to my local animal shelter and got the scariest, meanest-looking dog I could find. This is where Thor comes in. He’s a 100 pound American Bulldog, looks like he’d rip your throat out on sight, but is basically a gigantic teddy bear. He loves every person he’s ever met, is incredibly sweet and gentle with my 4-year-old niece, enjoys other animals, and even loves the mailman. I just kind of accepted that he probably wouldn’t do anything to protect me from my stalker, but it didn’t matter that much because having such a huge dog made me so much more confident. I brought Thor everywhere I could, and was working on getting him trained enough to be an emotional support animal, so I could bring him inside places with me (I absolutely would not do this until he was trained well enough to not disrupt a regular service dog). Last month, I woke up in the middle of the night to Thor whining. I was groggy and thought he had to go to the bathroom, so I got out of bed and opened the door. At that point, my house alarm went off and pretty soon after that, I was face-to-face with my stalker. I started screaming and went to run for my gun. Before I could do anything though, Thor ran across the room in full attack mode. The memory is really blurry for me, but there was blood all over my living room and I remember my stalker was eventually able to escape, at which point Thor chased him outside and then came back to me. When the police showed up, they said Thor was a hero who’d probably saved my life. I don’t want to list what they found in my stalker’s car after they caught him (and I’m shaking a little as I type this) but I’m sure he was going to bring me somewhere and kill me. It looks like he’s going to prison for a long time though, so my nightmare is over. Pretty much everyone in my life thinks Thor is a hero, except my SIL. She and my brother have a 4 y/o (the one I mentioned above), and she says she doesn’t want Thor around her (the child) anymore. She says since Thor has “snapped” in the past, he could do it again, so he’s not safe to have around kids (We used to see each other a few times a week before she decided Thor was dangerous). The way she words this makes me *really angry* because Thor didn’t “snap”. He saw a stranger break into his home, heard his owner scream in terror, and reacted to defend me, himself, and his house. Nothing about that screams “dangerous around children” to me, unless my niece is also going to break into my house and threaten me. This is also a very emotional issue for me because Thor isn’t just a dog to me. He’s my safe place, my hero, the one who protected me and kept me safe when no one else could. I’ve also gotten increasingly anxious since this happened, and I can’t go anywhere without Thor. I barely leave my house, pay to pick up my groceries from the store instead of going in because I know Thor isn’t allowed inside, and all my friends know that if Thor isn’t welcome in their house, I’m not coming either (although they’re perfectly welcome to come hang out at my house instead). I am really going through it, and am working with a therapist to overcome this (luckily my office is still fully remote but I need to be able to go back to work once we’re in person again). But I really really need my brother and SIL’s support. I think my SIL thinks I’m just pouting and that’s why I won’t just leave the dog home and come over without him. I don’t know how to explain to them that the fear hasn’t stopped just because my stalker is in jail. It’s actually a lot worse than it was before. I’ve already suggested they come over and I crate Thor, but that wasn’t good enough for her. What can I do to make her understand the situation better? tl;dr My dog took down my stalker after he broke into my house. Now I have severe anxiety and am too afraid to be without him, but my SIL thinks he’s unsafe around my 4 y/o niece. I don’t know how to make them understand that I really am too afraid to go anywhere without him and not just trying to win an argument.   [**UPDATE: My (28f) dog attacked my stalker after he broke into my house. Now my SIL (32f) says my dog is "too dangerous" to be around my niece (4f). Feel like I'm going crazy.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/htnyo6/update_my_28f_dog_attacked_my_stalker_after_he/) - 18 July 2020 I definitely didn’t expect my last post to blow up the way it did. Thank you so much to everyone who commented. I appreciated that I got advice from all over the spectrum, from people who completely agreed with me to people who completely agreed with my SIL, and people who thought both of us had a point. It helped me see that the problem is more complicated than I thought, which helped me understand that my SIL wasn’t just being a dick. It also helped me decide what things were and weren’t fair to be angry about. I also appreciated seeing a few people comment making fun of me for needing my dog with me, and the majority of people yelling at them and saying I was acting pretty reasonably for someone who endured a violent attack. I don’t want to be seen as someone delicate, and I’m glad that most people don’t see me that way. Reading everyone's comments, I had this moment where I was like, "Yeah! They're right! I *did* almost get drug out of my house and murdered just a few weeks ago. Who the hell are these people to say how I should act???" That felt really good and I really really appreciated it. Anyway, the conclusion I came to in all of this is that while my SIL is well within her rights to protect her daughter, she went about it in a way that disrespected me, both as a friend and as a victim of a very recent violent attack. Both my parents and her parents live locally and babysit all the time; she and my brother could’ve easily dropped my niece off with them and came to visit. It probably would’ve been awhile before I even noticed my niece wasn’t coming around, at which point I would’ve been in a better place and more understanding that she was uncomfortable with her daughter around Thor. Regardless of what some people said about how my SIL and brother don’t owe me anything and all their allegiance goes to their daughter, I simply do not feel that way. We were extremely close before this happened; I was always there for them, and would literally drop plans to babysit my niece if my brother and SIL needed a night to themselves. The very least they could’ve done for me, after I was almost kidnapped and murdered, is try to find some compromise. We went from seeing each other 3 times a week to pretty much not seeing each other at all. Even if they weren’t okay with me crating the dog, they could’ve easily dropped their daughter off with Grandma and Grandpa for a few hours so I wouldn’t feel completely isolated. I also have a yard, so they could’ve come over with her and we all could’ve hung out outside, while Thor stayed inside. I’ve been upset about this for awhile, but wasn’t sure if I was right to be upset until so many people echoed that sentiment. So I appreciate it. I invited my brother and SIL over (I promised it would only be an hour or two and insisted they leave my niece with my parents), and tried to lay all this out without being confrontational or acting like a dick. To my surprise, my brother and SIL had no real understanding that I’ve been having a difficult time. They thought I was basically fine and everything in my life was more or less back to normal now that my stalker is in jail. I didn’t get into it in my previous post, but during the year that I was stalked, I worked really hard to not show many outward signs of fear. I even made jokes about having a stalker. I knew people wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who was constantly going on and on about some bad thing that was going on in their life, and I didn’t want to be “that person” who was perpetually in crisis. And more than that, I just didn’t want to always be thinking and talking about having a stalker. I wanted to not think about it as much as possible. So I guess I might’ve come off as unaffected by the whole thing. I’m not sure if I totally buy that they didn’t know I was going through something traumatic and that it was taking a huge toll on my mental state. I mean, I got a gun and paid for tactical training. I bought a home security system. I got active in self defense classes and strength training, things that I previously had no interest in. Even if I wasn’t walking around telling everyone how scared I was, I think anyone would’ve been able to tell. Plus, who just brushes off having their house broken into in the middle of the night? It seems crazy and they don’t seem so emotionally unintelligent that they’d think that. But both my brother and SIL did apologize for being insensitive, and when I pressed my SIL on why crating the dog isn’t good enough, she eventually relented and said that it would be fine. It probably helped that the entire time they were over, Thor was asleep and loudly snoring in his crate. The paranoid part of me is convinced they just don’t want to deal with me in a fragile state, made up an excuse about my dog, and are now just going to come up with some other excuse about why they can’t see me. I invited them over for dinner in a few days and they’re coming, so I guess I’ll just have to see from there. I can’t stress enough that these used to be my best friends, and I’m heartbroken to have not had their support. I’ve been trying to rely on my friends more now, and thankfully they've all been really supportive. I’m really lucky that this happened during the pandemic, because nobody is getting frustrated with me that I’ve basically refused to leave the house for a month—they’re all perfectly happy to pick up takeout and come over to watch TV for the 5th night in a row. In other news, yesterday I left my dog at home and drove around my block alone. I was shaking the whole time but I did it! I keep trying to remind myself that I spent a whole year fighting back even though I was utterly terrified; I can’t just lay down and die now that I’m so close to getting my life back. tl;dr Things are better with my SIL and brother but I don’t know if they’ll stay that way. I’m relying on friends for support instead. I’m disappointed but also doing better.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (28f) dog attacked my stalker after he broke into my house. Now my SIL (32f) says my dog is "too dangerous" to be around my niece (4f). Feel like I'm going crazy.

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zqxse7/my_28f_dog_attacked_my_stalker_after_he_broke/

zqyxwh

**I am NOT the OP. Original posts by ConfusedRoomate128 and ConfusedRoomate129 in** r/MtF **and** r/asktransgender. Content warning: >!transphobia!< Mood spoiler: >!mostly happy ending!< [I think my transphobic roommate is a closeted trans woman, and I don’t know how to react](https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/zhsi3o/i_think_my_transphobic_roommate_is_a_closeted/?sort=qa) (originally posted by ConfusedRoomate128 on 10 December 2022) So me and my roommate are both 19, we aren’t really close but we get along sometimes however there’s one big problem, he despises trans people. He thinks trans people mostly trans women are mentally ill crossdressing males and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable whenever I hear his remarks and blatant transphobia. He’s also has a Twitter account that I know about since he’s told me about his socials like Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram, and he retweets a lot of transphobic posts on a daily basis. He’s also a conservative that comes from a conservative family so he doesn’t know about me being a bisexual cis man, outside of that I don’t know much about him either. One day I was going out to meet some family to discuss about holidays and I told him I was gonna be gone for a while, when I came back I saw him all dressed up in women’s clothing. He was wearing leggings, a choker, a long straight curly brunette wig, lipstick, makeup, and a short sleeve dress with the trans flag pin on his dress. What really shocked me was how well executed it was and how he was able to pass so well….. we both looked at each other uncomfortably and he ran to his room and locked the door. I tried to knock on his door but he wouldn’t answer so I left. One thing that shocks me about this is how blatant he was with his transphobia yet I catch him dressed up as a girl. I feel like confronting and having a discussion with him about this, but idk, I think ‘’he’’ is trans because ‘’he’’ was wearing the trans flag pin on the dress. If ‘’he’’ was trans I would support ‘’him’’ if he wasn’t such a huge TERF. I feel like moving out, what exactly should I do here guys? I’m not trans myself but I felt like asking this question here. A **commenter on** r/MtF **follows up with OP:** > Maybe there was quite a lot of internalized transphobia. Maybe you could talk a bit and see what comes of it, maybe they have changed their opinion. But if they're still a crappy person, yeah, then it's not worth it to stay with them any more. But who knows **OOP responds:** > I’m stupid but what exactly is internalized transphobia? **Another trans commenter replies:** > If you simultaneously believe that trans people are gross/mentally ill/degenerate, but also recognize that you have gender non-conforming feelings (I want to act/dress/talk girly, but I'm "a boy"), this results in seeing *yourself* as gross/mentally ill/degenerate. Feeling this way about yourself (these people are bad, but I might be these people, does that mean I'm bad?) is incredibly unhealthy, leads to a lot of self hatred and attempts at rationalization. **OOP:** > Maybe this might be my roommate after all [I think my transphobic roommate is a closeted trans woman, and I don’t know how to react UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/zixoho/i_think_my_transphobic_roommate_is_a_closeted/) (originally posted by ConfusedRoomate129 on 11 December 2022) So I finally got in touch with my roommate and she told me she was ready to open up to me and that she wanted to address the situation with me quickly because she was anxious and curious if I had told anyone else, so I went back to our place. She was there all dressed up again in different clothing. She was wearing red lipstick, a black long sleeve Bodycon dress, makeup, some eyeliner, and the same straight curly brunette wig. She passes so well because she doesn’t have any strong masculine or male features. She’s pretty slim and doesn’t have any facial/body hair either. I told her she looked beautiful and she gave me an uncomfortable look, and said thank you in a very nervous tone. She also told me that she had a whole stash of female accessories and clothes that she hid from me and that she wasn’t on HRT. She came out and told me ‘’This is the real me, now you know’’. She then told me if I had told anyone else. I said no, and she said good. I had a convo with her, and she told me that she’s trans but she’s afraid to come out because of her conservative family and the only reason why she was ever transphobic was because it was so ingrained in her mind and it was a distraction so she wouldn’t feel abnormal. I told her I will support her and use her respected pronouns but she’s gotta drop the exaggerated transphobic act. She then started to get teary eyed and cried (which kind of messed up the makeup eyeliner). She kept apologizing to me, and began venting and said, ‘’It’s not easy having to express my true self knowing that majority of the world won’t like me’’ while crying. She told me she thinks she’s sick in the head because of gender dysphoria and that she’s afraid to tell anyone else. She also told me that whenever she dresses up she sometimes gets turned on which makes her feel like a ‘’pervert’’. She’s also watched Blair White and Caitlyn Jenner who are both trans women and it made her think differently about the trans community. She kept crying and sobbing while makeup was dripping down her face. I didn’t know what to say or do because I’m not good with words, so I just hugged her. I gave her a big hug until she finally calmed down. I told her that she’s loved and she doesn’t have to indulge herself with constant negativity and hate just because she grew up in an environment like that. At first I wanted to move out, but now I wanna try and help this person out better in good faith. This was the first time I’ve ever seen her in such a vulnerable and emotional state. The only times we’ve gotten along was when we would watch The World Cup or NBA since we’re both sports fans but that’s about it. At first I wanted nothing to do with her because she was really transphobic but now I wanna stay and help her out of her shell because I can’t help but feel extremely bad for her. I just hope she feels comfortable in her own skin one day. I also hope all of you trans girls that are feeling the same way to end up feeling comfortable and happy in your own skin too. **After making this post to** r/MtF **and** r/asktransgender, **OOP's update post on MtF was deleted, and their accounts suspended. Commenters speculate as to why:** > I seriously can't tell if this is fake or not **A user agrees:** > Between the descriptions of what the roommate is wearing in both posts I’m 99% sure this is fake. The description reads like shitty crossdressing porn. **Editor's Note: While I, like many commenters on the original posts, have serious doubts about the veracity of these posts, I thought it was an interesting story, and commenters raised good point about internalized transphobia under each post. Many trans people, especially those who, like me, grew up in deeply conservative environments, develop a self-hatred that gets expressed in the form of bigotry. And a lot of us are still doing the work to grow out of that mindset -- like OOP's friend who (if she is real) I wish all the best.**

OOP discovers something about their transphobic roommate

SUSPECTED FAKE

Unlucky_Telephone963

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zqyxwh/oop_discovers_something_about_their_transphobic/

zr0ewb

[removed]

What is wrong with people? Life rn..

ONGOING

Leading-Today2764

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr0ewb/what_is_wrong_with_people_life_rn/

zr0lyc

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/headboardlamp in r/trueoffmychest. **Trigger Warning** - >!creepshots!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zjkbmy/im_going_to_ruin_my_best_friends_life_tomorrow/) (12 Dec 22) **I’m going to ruin my best friends life tomorrow and I feel no remorse.** I (27M) am going to ruin my best friends (27M) life tomorrow and I feel no remorse for what’s about to happen. We’ve been best friends for 15 years. We currently live together. We were drinking the other day and playing video games when I went on his phone to send his girlfriend (a close friend of mine) a video of us playing games and I stumbled across the creepiest collection of pictures I’ve ever seen. He has hundreds of photos of my ex (who is still in our friendship group) that he’d taken at group gatherings where he had zoomed in on her bum, legs and up her skirt. These pictures stretched back years and we’ve only been broken up for one year. He’s sneakily taken pictures of her body without anybody noticing. This alone is terrible but he had done it to a lesser extent to our other female friends too, including his ex girlfriend (who is part of our group and a close friend of mine). He has hundreds of these pictures and videos zooming in on their bums, cleavage and so on. As well as copious amounts of nudes of all of his ex girlfriends. He’s been with his current girlfriend for over a year now. Tomorrow I, along with two friends, are going to confront him and give him an ultimatum. He tells his girlfriend or I will. Following this I will let all of the victims of this know what he has done. He’s dead to me, I’m going to kick him out of the flat and he can fend for himself as I don’t give a shit what happens to him. He’s lucky that I’ve not beaten him senseless for this and the only reason I’ve stayed my hand is if any of the victims want to press charges I don’t want to interfere or complicate that process but if anybody I know deserves a beating, it’s him. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zld9ze/update_im_going_to_ruin_my_best_friends_life/) (14 Dec 22) **Update: I’m going to ruin my best friends life tomorrow and I feel no remorse.** Firstly I want to thank everyone for all of the positive comments and advice on my original post, I really appreciate all of the different insights. I deleted my original post as it was going viral and was on TikTok and it made me a little uncomfortable how popular it got. I thought I’d provide a small update for other victims of things like this that were commenting on my post to show that everyone doesn’t get away with this. He admitted he has a serious problem, not really offering much the way of an explanation, admitting that he felt he would be caught sooner or later and promised to seek professional help. The victims have all been informed and they can start to begin dealing with this violation. Personally I am still in a state of shock and emotional limbo, feeling quite cold about this whole thing. I’m not sure what happens next. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

I’m going to ruin my best friend's life tomorrow and I feel no remorse.

INCONCLUSIVE

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr0lyc/im_going_to_ruin_my_best_friends_life_tomorrow/

zr1ps5

[removed]

The Mother from Hell and The Missing Missing Reasons - AITA 08/12/22

CONCLUDED

After-Army-6065

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr1ps5/the_mother_from_hell_and_the_missing_missing/

zr2alb

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aimlessorange in r/dating_advice** ---   [**Girl (24f) I am (was?) dating reacted badly when I (25m) accidentally got a boner when we were cuddling. How do I move forward with this?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/dm88e4/girl_24f_i_am_was_dating_reacted_badly_when_i_25m/) - 24 October 2019 Title pretty much says it all. Have been seeing each other for about 2 months. I've never really dated or had a girlfriend before, never done anything remotely sexual with a girl. I will admit I have been very slow in terms of making moves, and all we have done so far is hugs and brief kisses. Last night she came to my place and we had dinner and watched a movie. I had the air con turned on and she said she was getting cold. I offered to turn it off, but she asked if we could try cuddling in bed to warm up instead. Obviously, I was keen. We hoped into bed and she asked if I would spoon her. She explicitly mentioned that she just wanted to cuddle. Well we started spooning and it felt great, but almost immediately I started getting hard. I pretended to get comfy and shuffled my hips a little away from her, but she would just react by snuggling in closer. I kept shuffling away and she kept moving forward. There wasn't really anything I could do, and eventually she noticed it poking her. She immediately jumps out of the bed and screams at me. She said that she told me that she only wanted to cuddle but I obviously only cared about one thing. I tried to tell her that I wasn't trying to hint at sex and I said I was trying to keep it away from her and it was an accident. She said I shouldn't lie because I am shit at it, and that she was not ready for sex yet and she made it clear but I didn't respect her boundaries. Communication pretty much just broke down at that point because she started bawling, and ended up going home in an uber. I texted her today to apologize and that I didn't mean anything by it. She just responded that she is disappointed because she thought I was different than most guys and was willing to wait until she was ready. She isn't responding now since she went to work. Where do I go from here? How to I recover from this situation and make things better? I honestly swear I had no I'll intentions or wasn't trying to pressure her into sex, just an accidental unwanted boner. I have been crying on and off and I honestly just want to make this right and move past this. Help! Edit: thanks everyone for the responses. I am trying to read every one of them but still have like 150+ to go. Just to update you guys, she replied to my text after she got off work. We are meeting tomorrow to talk it over. I have a lot to think about before then.   [**UPDATE: Girl (24f) I am (was?) dating reacted badly when I (25m) accidentally got a boner when we were cuddling. How do I move forward with this?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/dnozn4/update_girl_24f_i_am_was_dating_reacted_badly/) - 27 October 2019 Apologies for the delay with this update. I have been pretty upset and really wasn't in the mood to write this. For those who only care to know about the result: we broke up. The amount of comments I got was insane, and I had a lot to think about. I met up with her the day after posting the original. I didn't know what to expect when I saw her. She was surprisingly different to how I expected. She apologized profusely for how she reacted. We talked about how what happened was completely involuntary on my part. She admitted that she didn't understand that you just 'get' boners, she thought that boners happened when a man wants sex. She told me about her ex who was like this. Anytime he got an erection, she was expected to deal with it. She said that one of the reasons she liked me so much was because I didn't try to rush her or pressure her for sex by not making moves on her so quickly. It seems like her reaction was based on a bad experience with her ex. But as much as I still like her, and as lonely I feel without her, I know that this isn't a relationship that will be healthy for me. She didn't trust me, she refused to listen to me, and honestly I know I can't handle going through something like this again. I felt terrible about the decision, and I still do. She was extremely upset and didn't want to end things over this. She asked if I would reconsider, but it's not something I can do. I have since blocked her number. Not because of anger, but because I know if I talk to her again I will doubt my decision, and my desperation will get the better of my judgement. I have pretty much been crying since. I have hardly left the bed and I feel like it might be like that for a while. But I am sure I made the right decision, and eventually I will be okay. I don't know if I will ever find another girl again but at least it is better than an unhealthy relationship. Just wanted to thank everyone for their comments. If I didn't post here, I don't think I would have seen things for the way they are and I would have let myself stay in a toxic situation.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Girl (24f) I am (was?) dating reacted badly when I (25m) accidentally got a boner when we were cuddling. How do I move forward with this?

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr2alb/girl_24f_i_am_was_dating_reacted_badly_when_i_25m/

zr3qyx

[removed]

OOP stole her step-daughter’s college fund

NEW UPDATE

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr3qyx/oop_stole_her_stepdaughters_college_fund/

zr4ibv

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

doongiETH_3217

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr4ibv/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr52sw

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

mithrandir808_5568

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr52sw/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr55im

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

cryptonft00_4530

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr55im/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr585f

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/true-refrigerator741 in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for not housing my brothers mistress?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhfp2h/aita_for_not_housing_my_brothers_mistress/) - 28 October 2021 My brother (51m) his mistress (47 F) Niece (1yr) Back story, my brother had a affair on his wife. They have 5 kids. After quitting his job and they moved in with his in-laws. My brothers mistress got pregnant. She Decided to quit her job. She was evicted from her previous rental. Leaving my niece homeless. My brothers wife decided to try and work things out. I ended having a lot of family pressure to allow my Brothers mistress and my niece move into my rental. To try and create a stable environment for my niece. Eventually I agreed to allow them to move in with a couple of conditions. 1. Pay $500 each month. Most of it goes to the cost of the utilities. 2. No dogs. The mistress quickly agreed. Since the rent is extremely cheap and let us know she will be starting her new job soon. The first month I received half the rent. Then the last 5 months nothing at all. It’s become a burden for me to keep them there. I am working additional hours to cover the expenses. My brothers mistress never went to work. I have tried and tried to talk to them. Trying to work things out. It’s going no where. I gave his mistress a 30 day notice to move. During that time I found out she is pregnant with baby #2. My brothers wife kicked him out and he moved into my rental with his mistress. They didn’t leave after the 30 days. They ignored my attempts to talk to them. So I served a 5 day notice. Still no reply. So I went to the court and filed for an eviction. Since they were served my phone has not stopped. Just about every family member has called upset. My dad told me to finish it. He feels like my brother needs to “man up” and take care of his kids. Both from his wife and mistress. My dad told me to put my kids first. My mom however is livid. She told me that I would be responsible if my niece and the new baby will be taken away from cps. She said my kids are old enough to understand mommy working extra hours in the name of “supporting family”. She feels like I should continue working over time and paying for their expenses until the new baby arrives in 7 months. Am I the A for kicking my brothers pregnant mistress to the curb??? Verdict: NTA **Update:** to answer a couple of questions. Yes she is pregnant. I was there at the ER when the dr told her. I also found out she wasn’t using any birth control. as of right now the court date is Monday morning. I should find out there if the judge will allow additional time for them to stay. In most cases it’s 72 hrs. Unless I drop it or allow more time. Last, my husband and I have talked about taking the babies into our home. Just them. It’s a major change for our kids. We feel like it’s something we need more time to decide.. **Update #2:** my mom showed up to my house tonight. It’s quiet the drive. She has been crying. I invited her in to have dinner with me and my kids. After my kids left with my husband trick or treating. She tried again to allow my brother to stay. She said with their health they couldn’t allow them to stay in their home. I told her that I feel like I am enabling my brother to not take responsibility for ALL his children. I told her I am tired of working non-stop for someone who is more than capable of working. She left sad. I will see my brother for the first time since he was served tomorrow at court. It will be interesting for sure. I am a little heart broken but it needs to happen. My hope is the judge doesn’t extend the time they have in my rental. I feel like it will just make things harder. ******************UPDATE******************* ok so I went to court today. My brother and his mistress didn’t show up. The judge did a good job. She ruled in my favor. My brother has to be out By Saturday. If he is not the Constable can remove him and his mistress on Monday morning once the courts open up. Everything was going good until my husband asked the judge if we are responsible to notify my brother of the ruling since he was not there. The judge said we could pay for the constable to deliver a copy of the ruling today. I gave the constable all the info including when both my brother and mistress would be home. After I left the courts I got a call from my parents both on the line. I told my mom the constable will deliver the courts ruling to my brother to give them the maximum time to prepare to move. My mom was dead silent. My dad burst into laughter. I was then informed the reason my brother and his mistress did come to court was they had out standing warrants I knew nothing about. So there is a good chance they will be arrested today. I can’t enter the rental until next Monday. I will update then. If I am president when they go to remove my brother and his mistress. I was told today if they are not gone they will have 15mins to gather whatever before they are removed by the police.   **Update in comments:** > Here is the update for this week. The Constable and we showed up to the property. He told them they had 15 mins to grab whatever and leave. My brother went off. I sat in the car. My brother started threatening me. I have never seen him act so horrible. I just sat in the car not replying. Then he just started smoking. Not packing anything. His mistress was screaming from the house saying “you told me I would never have to move.” “You told me your sister wouldn’t evict me”. The last mom. > >My brother slammed the door in the constable’s face and locked it and refused to leave. At that time additional police were called out. My brothers response was yelling he was going to “knock me out”. “He has a gun and will use it on me”. Again he has never treated me this way. So the police asked me to leave and “go get lunch”. In hopes they could calm him down. Nope. It didn’t work. They had to knock the front door in. They gave his mistress 35 mins to pack things. She didn’t she just sat in their car mad. We changed the locks and cleaned open food up. > >Then on Tuesday. I got a call from the constable saying they needed to get an inhaler. I am not required to give them medicine. I am required to give them their identification. However I drove 4 hrs back. Loaded all medicines in a box. Put all important papers photos in another box. Told the constable I was ready. > >They showed up quickly. He handed them the boxes and they had another melt down. Calling names more threats. Because they wanted to go into the house. I was told the set up secret “cameras” and they were watching me and know I touched their stuff. The constable told them it was illegal to secretly record on private property and they could go to jail for 2-10 yrs. > >Then my brother started walking towards the constable in an aggressive manner. So I called the police. My brother told them to arrest me. The police told him I wasn’t the one going to jail. His mistress took the boxes and left while yelling. I know I have to see them again but I am thinking about filling a restraining order against them. The police recommended I do that.   [**Question about hard living vs vandalism**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Insurance/comments/qn0bqy/question_about_hard_living_vs_vandalism/) - 5 November 2021 So I have a rental property. I am at the end of and eviction of my brother and his mistress. I was told by family that they ripped doors off the hinges. (From them slamming them) some doors are broken. Cut blind cords,(small kids not being watched) nail polish all over the hard floors and carpet so on. I won’t be able to see the property until Monday. To asses all the damages. I was wondering what constitutes hard living vs vandalism. Is it worth the trouble for my insurance company to come out? Since it’s an eviction I don’t see them paying for any of the damages themselves.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for not housing my brother's mistress?

INCONCLUSIVE

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr585f/aita_for_not_housing_my_brothers_mistress/

zr58bk

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

FRK_Antid_123

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr58bk/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr5d3q

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

Stevie820312_8241

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr5d3q/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr5g76

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

muznelsayed_5854

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr5g76/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr5jao

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

AndreeaEB22_6162

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr5jao/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zr5zhv

**I am NOT OP. Orig post from u/AScannerBarkly to r/tipofmyjoystick .**   trigger warnings: >!suggestion of menacing / sexual child abduction!<   **[ \[PC\] \[2000s\] Indie game where you're a man desperately looking through a mall to find your kid, the very end reveals you're actually a child predator looking for a kid you've been stalking](https://www.reddit.com/r/tipofmyjoystick/comments/kpbb02/pc2000s_indie_game_where_youre_a_man_desperately/)** - Jan 3 2021 Platform(s): PC Genre: Indie, adventure/puzzle Estimated year of release: mid-late aughts to about five years ago Graphics/art style: Pixel-y Notable characters: "father", actually child predator Notable gameplay mechanics: simple block puzzles Other details: Felt like it was an RPG Maker game The game was an RPG maker indie game. You were a "dad", an average looking guy wearing glasses. You search places in a mall like an arcade and have to slide machines around like blocks to pass through. You get increasingly frantic thoughts from "dad", things like "where could he be, I just saw him!" The very end shows you cornering a kid and the camera pans menacingly as the dad smiles. So I understand the subject matter is horrific, but it does bug me there's a "lost" game floating out there I thought would have made a bigger controversy. Any help is appreciated.   **[Update from OP in the thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/tipofmyjoystick/comments/kpbb02/pc2000s_indie_game_where_youre_a_man_desperately/izfxr8j/)** - Dec 8 2022 Update: I FOUND IT!! After combing for a year(!) I finally turned up the game. Game: Arcade Extra special thanks to u/PomChiPrincess . Turns out Patrick from Giant Bomb DID play it, but he told me otherwise when I asked him in a private message. It was that playthrough that I discovered, so I quite literally would have never found the game if it weren't for you. Anyone reading please give her any awards you can. Thank you all for those who kept on and contributed to the search!! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[PC][2000s] Indie game where you're a man desperately looking through a mall to find your kid, the very end reveals you're actually a child predator looking for a kid you've been stalking

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ThargUK

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr5zhv/pc2000s_indie_game_where_youre_a_man_desperately/

zr7o5z

[removed]

y [19F] younger brother [16M] is becoming increasingly hateful towards women, because of my mom's affair

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr7o5z/y_19f_younger_brother_16m_is_becoming/

zr7q5m

I am NOT OP. Original post by /u/Throwaway938215 in /r/relationship_advice Mood Spoiler >!Heartbreaking!< Trigger Warning >!Violence against women, extreme sexism!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/chal71/my_19f_younger_brother_16m_is_becoming/) (24 Jul 2019) Hello, I would like to seek some advice on how to help my younger brother, who I think is becoming an angry, depressed kid. Backstory: My parents are in the midst of divorce proceedings, after our mother was found having a prolonged affair last year. My brother was the one to catch them in the act, and I think the responsibility of letting the family know weighed on him a lot. He has told me he is absolutely furious with our mom for doing this to dad and the entire family, and that she's a whore. I understood his feelings and was (am still) similarly angry at her for being so incredibly selfish that she would throw away all of our love just for her own feelings. Recently, my brother's rants have taken a worrying slant. He is now insulting women in general, calling us all sorts of degrading names. I've overheard him say that women deserved to be raped, while he was gaming. I've called him out on this multiple times including by pointing out I am a woman too. But he has always assured me that I'm "not one of them" and "different", whatever that means, and then does nothing to change. My suggestions of either individual or family therapy to process my mom's cheating (and maybe to help him on this issue) have been ignored by everyone in the family, including my elder brother (25M) who is not at home. I am afraid that this is terribly unhealthy and he shouldn't be left alone to fester. I'm moving out of state for college soon. I hate to see my brother stay behind and suffer. I've raised this concern to my dad, but he is low-key spiralling into alcoholism and actually agrees with my brother on his views of my mom. I would love some advice as to what else to do? I'm not his legal guardian, I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. My parents are not helping. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/crpsc6/update_my_19f_younger_brother_16m_is_becoming/) (17 Aug 2019) I took a commenter's advice and tried to get my brother out of the house to take his mind off everything. At the start I brought him along to two of my meet ups with my high school girl friends, but no dice. He was rude, dismissive, and several of them complained to me about his presence. I don't blame them, I had to take him home after he casually called them fat whales to their face. So for the past two weeks I've tried to bring my brother out to do other activities, like going to the movies. He has told me it makes him feel better, but I'm spooked by his behaviour on our most recent trip to the beach yesterday. For context, as kids we always used to run down into the water screaming and holding hands. This time, I didn't feel like dipping my toes and I told him this, but he grabbed my wrist and was able to physically drag me down a good way before I managed to dig in my heels. It hurt and there are bruises forming. I ended up going into the water with him because he was so angry instead of just lazing around in the sun as originally planned. What is even going on here? I am really confused and not sure how things have gotten to this in a few short weeks. I'm seriously concerned about him, but I don't actually want to be physically hurt any more. I'm leaving for college in 3 weeks, so is it worth even trying to make anything better? [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dwvbf8/update_my_19f_younger_brother_16m_is_becoming/) (15 Nov 2019) Just wanted to gather some opinions on what I should do. Since I've left for college, I have tried my best to set aside 20 minutes each day to give my brother a call on discord/facetime to check in on how he's doing. He's usually gaming during these sessions and doesn't say too much while I just talk at him. Recently I missed a few days worth of calls as I needed some time to myself and forgot to update him (my bad). Coincidentally this was around Halloween and the day after I was horrified to wake up to literally 20 messages from my brother going on a rant of (summarizing here) how I became a slt like all females, just look at the hot costume I wore and how it was obvious I just wanted something hard stuffed up my pssy. Things you literally never want to read from your younger brother. He also commented on the photos I was tagged in on Insta and it was not appropriate. It made me cry and I haven't had the courage to reply to any of these messages. My friends helped to remove the comments from their photos. I just feel like all my effort these few months have gone to waste and I'm not sure what to do. How should I deal with the awkward situation that is bound to be when I go home for Thanksgiving? Do I pretend nothing happened just for my dad and grandparents? [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ffwu2k/update_my_19f_younger_brother_16m_is_becoming/) (09 Mar 2020) Since the new year's, I've cut my brother off. When I was home for the holidays, I tried talking to him in his room but he backhanded me and held me down on his bed for idk how long. I managed to get him to get off me by begging him to let me check my teeth (I was really really afraid one was loose, luckily it wasn't). I blocked him on all platforms right after I left.. I give up, I don't even know what is going on any more. How can this happen in under a year?? I feel like never returning back to this shitty ass hometown of mine. Just needed a place to vent anonymously, and if anyone knows where I can speak to more people about divorce, this whole mess, please point me to any resources. Thank you <3 Reminder - I'm not the OOP

My [19F] younger brother [16M] is becoming increasingly hateful towards women, because of my mom's affair

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UOUPv2

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr7q5m/my_19f_younger_brother_16m_is_becoming/

zr9lnd

[removed]

OOP is caught having sex with his deaf girlfriend

ONGOING

c23gooey

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zr9lnd/oop_is_caught_having_sex_with_his_deaf_girlfriend/

zraqhu

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/AITAChristmasTree](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITAChristmasTree/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I fixed a few spelling errors for readability and replaced letters with names. **Please remember the no brigading rule.** Thanks to u/HaveASeatChrisHansen for messaging me about this one. Your daily fun fact so there aren't spoilers on mobile: u/KimchiAndMayo and u/something-um-bananas wanted beluga whales. Beluga whales can swim backwards, and belugas in captivity have been found to be able to mimic the speech of their human helpers! (More about that at number 9 on the list, it's hilarious) ([Source](https://us.whales.org/2016/12/02/ten-fun-facts-about-beluga-whales/)) **Trigger Warnings:** >!Suicide with some detail, child abuse, possible PTSD, depression!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad, but with a glimmer of hope?!< ​ **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zl75lz/comment/j03p90v/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**: (deleted & replaced with update, found in comments) December 13, 2022** This disagreement involves myself (46M), my wife (40F) and my youngest daughter (15F) My view: We have decorated for Christmas using the same decorations since before our oldest child was even born. I feel that the decor and the act of decorating is and has always been apart of Christmas. Prior to my daughter taking issue with this, she was the one who helped me set up my Christmas village each year and would tell stories for the little townspeople. Everyone loved the decorations and the majority I'm sure still do. But we haven't seen those decorations in four years. Many decorations hold sentimental value for me and others in our family. Including first Christmas photo ornaments and homemade ones my children have done over the years. I believe that far and beyond the majority of our Christmases have been wonderful and happy and I feel that it would be good for my daughter to hold onto those memories rather than throwing out the entire affair. My daughter's view (supported by my wife): Due to a tragic event that took place on Christmas a few years ago, my daughter feels strongly against decorating for Christmas. She does still participate in Christmas activities so I don't see her aversion is as severe as it is made out to be. Last year she came up with a "compromise" and rather than using our decorations she and my wife used nature inspired decor that did not specifically invoke "Christmas" but was wintery. We had flora and fauna.... While it wasn't quite what I wanted I was happy to decorate again. This was also agreed on during a therapy session she invited us to (I wasn't too happy about the idea my daughter needed a mediator to speak with me but at least it got her to agree to some decor) and it was explained that my daughter refers to our decorations as "triggering". This year I thought she might be ready to bring out some of our decorations but instead she tells me that she and her mother have decided to do spider themed decor! She said she's not sure she'll ever be ready for our decorations again but explained to me about this "Christmas Spider" story she heard and said the decorations would not be spooky even though it will be spider themed. I told her absolutely not. That I understand she feels triggered by Christmas and has her reasons but avoiding the decorations won't help her. I also told her if Christmas was really the problem I do not see how she can participate in any activity she happily does throughout the season and why we don't just cancel the whole affair. Spiders are not even close to Christmas/winter decor and I can't compromise to that like I did with the nature decor last year! She started to cry which I obviously feel bad for. My wife is angry with me and says my daughter does struggle with the entire Christmas holiday but is trying her best and truly trying to be considerate by using these "off-Christmas" decor options because she feels guilty for preventing us from decorating ***Relevant Comments:*** *The reason (it's a doozy):* "I want to preface this by clarifying nothing directly happened to my daughter / as far as I know she did not directly see anything but she was present in the home. Her aunt took her own life when she was supposed to be with the girls (my daughter and her daughter who were best friends - they haven't seen each other since) on Christmas eve. The only direction I've been given from the therapist was last years compromise. I admit I'm a bit hazy on how her aunts death has effected her or why it has created this aversion to decorations specifically." *More about what happened (this goes into more detail:)* "For awhile following my niece did not want to see anyone, then she was swiftly taken out of the country by her father following the funeral. Her father also attempted to block contact with my daughter and wife to his daughter. My wife has not pressed the issue. As I understand it my niece and my daughter have managed to circumvent her father multiple times over the years - fake socials, sneaking phone calls... but it is a secret from her father and therefore they have not seen one another. Whether her father knows something I do not or due to his trauma simply can't handle seeing my daughter is not known to me. My daughter told us that she and her cousin were watching a Christmas movie in the living room happily at the time. As I understand it her aunt built them a blanket fort, made snacks, and once the girls were settled in for the movie she snuck into the basement. My daughter did have some self blame initially but my wife was able to explain that her aunt had planned out every detail - to the point of installing a lock (a simple hook-and-eye - adults could get through easily but not children) on the door that would keep the girls from making the discovery." *Has the daughter been diagnosed with anything: (there are a lot of these)* "I am not sure where the idea I do not know what my daughter's diagnosis is came from. I said I did not believe PTSD was among them because I hadn't heard it but I wasn't sure if it had been added or should have been - initially we were told she had depression but later an anxiety disorder was added. I believe she must have had the anxiety from the start but we weren't aware of it as a specific and separate diagnosis." "Her diagnosis were made by a General Practitioner. Perhaps they were not qualified to diagnose PTSD or more complex mental illness if that is a diagnostic requirement. She certainly did not see any previous therapist long enough for a diagnosis in this case either. Her current therapist I am fairly certain does not have the credentials to allow for diagnosis but currently suites her as she is at least willing to go and take her medication regularly which she had not done in the past." *Has she talked about Christmas decorations in therapy:* "I explained the event in another reply however she was never sent to therapy specifically for Christmas related issues - she just brought it up with her therapist last year and it became a focus. I'm not sure how she feels about it in general. It seems that our house - which is where the event took place - being decorated as it was at the time is most offensive to her. However I do know that she has refused invitations from older siblings to go on a yearly carriage ride offered in our town to see the Christmas decor and festivities. That said she does come to Christmas dinner / family homes which exposes her to Christmas imagery. I do find she's lethargic after visiting but that is typical for her year round - she's introverted." *Several people ask why he didn't include the above info in the OG post:* "If I am withholding anything it is because I did not recognize it as relevant or due to limited word count. I do not view the only good thing of my daughter's therapy as getting to decorate - this mediation was the only time I was invited into a therapy session and was specific to Christmas. This is not the reason she began therapy but came up in a session and I believed that having decor as we did in her (I believe) happy younger years was a good step for her." *A few extra comments where he... almost sees the light but then doesn't:* "I do now understand that this has come off as me being dismissive of my daughter's experience which was certainly never my intention and I will accept that. I do believe her trauma is valid - I also admit I do not understand it. I grieved deeply - at the time I apparently had a "depressive episode" following. But even that I do not understand. My daughter and I both loved Christmas and loved to decorate. To me it seems that avoiding Christmas or designating our decorations as negative / triggering it reinforces that they are somehow to blame and will cause the association to stick in her mind forever." "I understand that it may have come off that I am prioritizing decorations over my daughter but that is not how I feel. All of my children - but my youngest especially - loved Christmas and it was traditional for us to all decorate together. I believed that treating Christmas negatively and erasing those many happy years spotlighted her trauma more. I also genuinely do not understand who decorating with "Christmas spiders" is not triggering if decorating is the trigger." *One more about the house, and himself:* "We could not afford to move if we wanted to. We are not a well off family to begin with and the last few years it is a sellers market however our house is not desirable nor could we afford a new place from what we could get for it. This house was built and inherited through my wife's line. I genuinely admit that I do not get mental illness at all and I am not proud of that fact. I was diagnosed with a mental illness related episode and do not even understand what I experienced in all honesty. My wife has always been a "mother first" and I admire her for it. I know I am not the greatest father but I truly feel my wife is on another level and was meant to be a mother. She understands the children in a way I don't think I could and they've always been their mother's children (not one daddy's girl among them). However I do find that because of this my wife is inclined to defer to our children's feelings/wants/needs above anyone and everyone else - I've often wondered what would happen if the need of one child conflicted with another because of this. As for how they feel about Christmas - the eldest two are moved out and only one decorates for Christmas while the other celebrates Solstice (they are the only sibling my daughter accepts invites to seasonal events for - they do some sort of log burning and games), while the other still at home has only ever insisted on getting to make cookies and gingerbread houses which my daughter accepts so it does not hinder them. It happened so slowly over the years I did not realize this until my wife mentioned it but she stopped doing everything. Whether it was because of my daughters triggers or my wife's isn't clear. Both of their therapists have been working on the resulting attachment issue. As an example my wife went out with a friend for tea for an hour recently for the first time in years and my daughter was simply directed to try and not contact her mother for at least half an hour. My wife not being available to my daughter for that short amount of time was very difficult for my daughter and my wife came back reporting that she couldn't stop thinking about our daughter and felt panicked/worried for our daughters safety (she obviously did not tell our daughter this and recognizes this as unhealthy). Even when she is at work and our daughter is in school they are in near constant contact." ***AITA originally decides there is not enough info for judgement (before comments), then YTA*** **OOP's older daughter posts her take in the comments** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zl75lz/comment/j06ymoh/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**: December 14, 2022** Hey Reddit! I am the heathen child who does it up Winter Solstice style whom OP mentioned. My dad gave more than enough detail for me to make the correct (I hope - or else that's one major coincidence and I'm an ass) assumption that this post is about my family and specifically my beautiful little sister! Firstly I will give my judgement - you got this one right Reddit and dad you are the ass (YTA). Absolutely, fully, and majorly. Christmas decorations aren't what we love about Christmas. Abby's most loved part is probably the dinner when we all get together and laugh and eat and enjoy ourselves, Mine is just family in general, Christie's is definitely gouging on cookies, and baby sister is all about giving gifts - not receiving, giving. She has *always* been the most sensitive and empathetic to others so when we feel - she feels and strongly. Remember how you felt when auntie died? She felt that too and just as strongly as you did. But she was downstairs looking at the decorations feeling it while you disappeared... That was hard on all of us... We thought we were going to lose you the same way we lost her. As long as those decorations were up was as long as we were holding our breath. It was scary. While those decorations were up, she lost her aunt, her best friend, and thought she might have lost her dad. That's three really big, scary, and traumatic things that those decorations saw and that she saw those decorations during the course of. They came down near the end of your major depressive episode - when you started coming out of your room. So maybe she made a connection there or at any other time throughout that highly stressful time. The decorations went away - dad came back alive. The decorations were there - auntie "left" and her friend left... Yes, I know, you know, and *she absolutely* knows logically that the decorations didn't "do" that, but our brains make associations and see patterns in everything even if they aren't logical. That said I did want to address some recurring points and topics - I also wanted to explain to my dad this whole situation in a format where I can't be interrupted (the back up might be a little unfair). * The aunt whom we tragically lost to mental illness was in fact my father's sister. I did see some assumptions - probably well founded with how detached he comes off - that this was my mother's sister but that is not the case... She was deeply loved by her nieces, and I know my father did love her too. Thank you to everyone who has offered their condolences. I truly appreciate it. * I've been told my entire life that my dad is doing "his best" as a parent. After seeing this, I - for the first time - full heartedly believe that is sadly true. Those who have pointed it out are correct that my dad suffers a deficit in emotional intelligence and empathy. When he says he doesn't understand that isn't an excuse it is true. He has always been that way but I always believed he could try harder - he just didn't want to. I feel deep sadness reading this now and oddly empathy for him... * I have also been well trained to empathize with him and see how he turned out this way. Something I don't believe he is even capable of. This man will tell me about the Christmas his father wrapped nothing but empty boxes for their one and only childhood Christmas as a "prank" which he was forced to unwrap every last one and he'll tell it like a fond memory - even the part where his father put dog biscuits in his stocking which he was - you guessed it - made to eat. This story alone I feel explains my father's stunted development in parenting and why my aunt's husband got the hell outta dodge. * My dad is right that my sister (thank whatever deity or power you believe in) did NOT see our aunt after she had passed. While she could not win her battle she did her best to protect my sister and her daughter by locking the door and using a quiet method (That feels kinda shitty to say). I find it quite difficult to address this myself. I'm actually shaking as I type this part. She did *know* at the time. I remember that night vividly myself. As someone mentioned the sneaking suspicion something wasn't right had to have set in with the girls because I remember them tugging at the basement door and I remember my uncle dragging all us kids into another room when they forced through the door. What I also remember *specifically and* ***IMPORTANTLY*** is that the decorations stayed up for much longer than usual. The entire time they were up my dad - OP - was catatonic and confined himself to his bedroom. It was at least a month before he even came downstairs again. That night was the only time I or I think any of us saw our dad cry. And he *bawled*. Which is completely understandable but also really hard on kids - especially young ones like my baby sister. * Those of you saying you completely understand how he couldn't compromise with *gasp* spiders: A few nice people have shared the folklore behind the Christmas spider and I strongly suggest reading it. Now something I find particularly interesting here is that my dad talks about the sentimental value of our decorations - specifically the ones we made.... Guess what? My sister was hand making her spidery Christmas decorations with zero spook involved. It's things like spider webs made from hand strung beads and ribbon, spider snowflakes a la Jack Skellington, and spiders made from fake pearls and iridescent beads. * I also wanted to make it really clear (I didn't see too many comments like this but maybe it's the protective sister in me that this felt important): **NONE of us feel put out by our sister's trauma.** The second youngest who is still at home didn't have to fight for cookies - she just said "hey, I know Christmas is hard for you, are you good with cookies and gingerbread houses or is that too much?" and the answer was that edible Christmas delights were ah-okay. We invite her to the Christmas events - even the ones she declines - because maybe one day she'll say yes and we want her to have the option when she's ready. **Update: Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zl75lz/aita_wanting_a_normal_christmas_tree/) **(December 14, 2022)** EDIT: The contents of my original post can be found in the automated comment below or under my profile within a locked thread. The jest of my behavior and my daughter's experience - including detail of trauma related to a family members suicide can be found under my profile throughout various comments. My eldest daughter has responded to this post directly in a well detailed and thoughtful explanation of why my behavior has been deplorable. This response carries with it further information on the events following the tragic loss as well as responses or answers to recurring questions. I am not sure how to link the comment here - she begins it with an introduction of herself as my daughter. I believe that I understand - to some extent greater than before - what my daughter has experienced and how the death of family has affected her as well as me. I appreciate those who have responded and I've gathered that the nature of my post and description of my conduct has been upsetting for many - to those who offered perspective I thank you and to those who were hurt or deeply upset I do apologize. While I cannot honestly say that I fully understand or that I am clear on how mental illness affects people - this may not be something I will ever comprehend - I understand that mental response during a stressful or traumatic time is not always based in recognizable logic. In my daughter's response she explained this in regards to how our brains seek out patterns but thinking back this was explained previously and just as well by others I just did not process the information I was being given. Individuals have reached out to me to inquire as to whether I have any diagnosis of my own that would explain how and why I behave as I do. Some of the diagnosis posited have also been speculated upon by those close to me before and I've realized that I identify with some diagnostic criteria for these diagnosis. I will look into this further for the wellbeing of my loved ones. I was never of the opinion that my daughter was intentionally being difficult or falsifying her experience though I do understand that I - in many ways came off in this light - I also strongly disagree with any comment in my "favor" which disparaged my daughter or her character. My eldest's response highlights that my daughter is a sensitive person - something I must be understanding and conscious of regardless of how I experience stimuli and events. And something which I believe may be a similar comprehensive difficulty for those ruling to my view. My eldest made a comment that responding to me in this forum was an opportunity to speak and be heard without interruption. That was admittedly difficult to accept but I can see a direct line between her statement and my youngest needing a third party (as I understand it my use of the word mediator was in poor taste) to be present. I will not be engaging further with replies to my comments, this response, or my original post. I am not sure if this action is against the rules of the reddit given that the voting was completed - though I seem to have been misplaced as the replies indicate I belong squarely within the "asshole" category. **Linking a few resources here:** For people in the USA: [https://988lifeline.org/](https://988lifeline.org/) (you can also call 988 to talk to someone) Resources in Canada: Talk Suicide Canada - 1-833-456-4566 Quebec Suicide Hotline - 1-866-277-3553 Kid's Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868 For others outside the US and Canada: [https://www.iasp.info/](https://www.iasp.info/) was one I found, but let me know if you'd like me to link more resources.

Am I the Asshole for Wanting a Normal Christmas Tree?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zraqhu/am_i_the_asshole_for_wanting_a_normal_christmas/

zrar1y

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Otherwise\_Yak7118](https://www.reddit.com/user/Otherwise_Yak7118/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I fixed a few spelling and grammatical errors and replaced a few acronyms with full words. Today's fun fact to cover up mobile spoilers for people: u/LunasMom4ever wanted fluffy white ducks. (I chose crested white ducks.) The gene mutation that gives them the crests on their heads is sometimes called "the top knot." The crests are fluffy, soft, and can come in different colors. ([Image](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7BV_DcHc_bUerfOTle-dPb3X0r4OqiAlMXw&usqp=CAU), [Source](https://kidadl.com/facts/animals/crested-duck-facts)) **Trigger Warning:** >!cheating!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but there's hope!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zfua28/aita_for_scolding_my_sister_in_front_of_everyone/)**: December 8, 2022** Myself (29F) and my husband (36M) went to visit both our parents. They live 8hrs away from us by flight and it was expensive but we do it because holidays mean a lot and also to see my niece Rhu (5F). She is my world and I love her to death. For this vacation her mom, my sister Mila (29F) was missing for most of our family gatherings and was spending time with her boyfriend and doing part time. We have a good relationship but I was really worried that Rhu doesn't get time with her mom and angry that she just leaves her with all of us. She leaves in the morning and comes late. Apparently this has been going on for months. For a brief context, she is separated from BIL and she wants a divorce and he wants to try. But she came back home *(editor: to her parents' house)* because they were not compatible and it's messy. So since she is a single mother I send her allowances for her and Rhu and also for other housing expenses directly to her so she can give our parents rent and focus on Rhu and have a smooth divorce. I send her a total of 10K and my fun money account which she has access to and uses. She sees a therapist and I get charged for this as well. Additionally my husband pays for her divorce lawyers. We both work hard and are not rich but we are good enough.  I know it's not easy what she is going through and have never questioned her when there are withdrawals. But this holiday I was so mad at who she is and who she is turning into. According to mum, Rhu is missing her mum and has withdrawn so much. She has not been giving them rent, and not helping around the house and doesn't even take care of Rhu. Mom works and dad looks after Rhu until mom comes. They are also old and cannot really actively interact with her. My mum was upset at me for not helping Mila out financially as they are also struggling with 4 mouths to feed. I have never been as angry as I was then. I observed her for a week and the second week I confronted her privately. She said being a single mum is hard and she is de-stressing. I called BS and asked her what she has been doing with the money, I'm glad she is working part time, but what is she doing with Rhu when she is comfortable and even more angry that none of the money I give is going towards Rhu or helping with her. She stormed out of the room and said I am ruining the holidays and being judgmental and she is going through so much. I told her how dare she say that after I give her everything even when I don't have money left to buy new clothes for Christmas because I thought it was worth it, and if she doesn't stop and focus on Rhu then the money stops. I was so mad I forgot everyone could hear us. All our parents heard it. I felt so awful for exposing all this but I was so mad. She called me an AH and so did my brother saying I should have picked a different time. Now that I am calm I feel I am AH for exposing her like that. Vacation has been awkward since. ***Relevant Comments:*** *People ask more about the specifics of the money:* "She asked for the money and I agreed until she gets back on her feet. The others we paid because she is my sister after all. But I am so scared she might spiral if we took the money away from her even more than she is now." "I only know what she spends when she withdraws from my account. The other 10k I don't know and have never asked. Rent is only for utilities and food the rest for them both to just be as comfortable as they were before. I am just so confused and don't know if I played a part in this." *Someone says she should just pay to the parents:* "Yes this was the initial plan, but since Mila asked me first I sent her everything and assumed my parents knew about it all. And I don't even know about what's going on with the divorce only that the lawyers give us updates on custody and hearing dates because we are also working and really busy on most days. But I knew she wouldn't be used to living without her almost ex husbands financial support so she gave me an estimate and I didn't even hesitate. Now I am not sure if she is even the person I thought she was, or if the incompatibility issues are true, or if she was cheating or what. The ex husband is coming down as well with their lawyers and ours in a few days that's when we will k ow what has been really going on." "Yes, we all feel manipulated and on top of that she is with her boyfriend too. This was before we knew the divorce wasn't finalised yet. I'm sorry there's so much we are still unravelling from this. But you are right. It is something that will need to be considered" *About sis lying to her parents:* "Yes this also hurt the most when my mom said she was disappointed in me and my brother for not helping Mila out. I was shocked and thats when everything unravelled and I was too shocked with all the news I was getting. But that one week before I really took the time to see her and how she was doing to check if it was my mom being the typical worried mom, because my sister has every right to party as well, and then she was so absent for Rhu and even around us even though I rallied for her. And gave her the benefit of the doubt." **First Update (Same Post): Around December 9, 2022** Update: thank you for each and everyone of you for perspectives. My family and Mila and the BIL are meeting today for dinner and a discussion afterwards. I have asked Mila to speak to me before BIL comes so she has a chance to tell the truth. Waiting for her to come at the moment. Since there's so much going on I will update you all once things settle down. Thank you all for giving me courage and words so speak up and clarity. Regardless of whether I am an AH or NTA I reinforced her behavior without actually finding out what's going on. For those asking why I gave her access, because we are close and she is my blood, and I had no reason to doubt her, until all of this came to light. Maybe I was manipulated all along and seeing a different side to her or more likely she is spiraling after the divorce/separation. This also has not been confirmed and I am this close to loosing my shit too. 🙃 but thank you all for your kind words and advice. **Second Update (Same Post): December 14, 2022** Update 2: Thank you for everyone who personally reached out to me and gave me some strength and resolve and all of you for your inputs. You guys deserve an update. But you guys also need to know some information I couldn't put due to character limit. My sister and I are non identical twins, she had the beauty I had the brains but we grew up equal and loved each other and were loved very much. But I was always the responsible one and due to me being more academic I was able to get a good job and do my masters. This same period, (5yrs ago) my sister got married and had Rhu, but because I was busy with clinical placements and my thesis I couldn't spend much time with her (hence my guilt) or visit. She used to say that her husband was mentally abusive and possessive and restricted her from going out and having fun and it was easier for me to suggest marriage counseling for them and over time both of them said they are getting better, but she wasn't as happy being married. She had a fantasy in her head about marriage and kids and it wasn't as easy. So she turned to different coping mechanisms like clubbing and overspending which we didn't know and her soon-to-be-ex didn't tell us. My reasons were I chose the easier path because I was also trying to cope with me not having kids yet (we are trying) and my thesis and working hours (clinical psychologist) were all overwhelming. I believe she knew exactly what she was doing and manipulated us all by showing compliance and then when she had her chance she left her husband. (I'll get into this soon) What has actually happened was, she had been overspending and BIL had to pick up the slack at home and the part time nanny (F47) became full time housekeeper. Her daughter (F25) used to come to babysit Rhu and they bonded fast and so did BIL with Rhu, but he maintained his distance with the new sitter. Mila grew to resent that Rhu wasn't as clingy with her as before and started to distance herself even more. And then started coming home late. Marriage counseling had stopped by this time due to both BIL and sis not having time. And BIL had seen flirty messages from a guy on Mila's Snapchat and he told her to leave home. She did but with Rhu, while he was at work. She had also left him a message saying she knows about him and the sitter and will let it all come out soon. *(Editor's note- I asked OOP about this. See the comment below.)* BIL decided that he didn't want to continue the marriage and spoke to lawyers and while they were preparing the documents she was with my parents. He used to meet her outside every weekend where Mila dropped her (Rhu) at the park and picked her up in the evening, but she wanted to show us all that he never cared so didn't mention these and had told Rhu not to say a word (Rhu confirmed). Anyway court dates have been given and we are discussing custody and visitation between our lawyers and Mila broke down and said she needs help. She will be going to do intense therapy with a colleague I recommended and then BIL says we can discuss partial custody. I, in the meantime is seeing my therapist as well. I have also agreed with my sister that she will not be receiving an allowance, she has applied for a part time job now and will be contributing to rent. I however will be sending my parents an allowance because I want my mom to retire. And for Rhu, her dad will be taking care of her expenses. BIL is also going to sponsor Mila's therapy sessions since he believes and feels he had a part to play in her spiraling as well. But they both agreed to divorce since it was toxic. I still believe Mila can work it out after she does some therapy, but that is my opinion and I am going to see how she changes. I am sorry this is not nicely or neatly written but my head is a mess and I am writing whatever that I recall. TIA for all of you and your strength. ***I commented on OOP's original, sent her my best and asked her to clarify if her BIL was also cheating. Here's what she said:*** "There was no emotional affair or anything inappropriate according to BIL, but Mila showed me screen shots of then messaging with smileys about when BIL needs to pick up Rhu and I think this was okay, and she used I to manipulate. *(edit- I think she might mean that Mila used the screenshots to manipulate her.)* She still insisted that it felt wring because he never sent her smileys and I agree with this, but I think both BIL and Mila could have communicated insecurities with a good marriage counselor and can still work it out. Hope this makes sense."

AITA for scolding my sister in front of everyone while she is going through a divorce?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrar1y/aita_for_scolding_my_sister_in_front_of_everyone/

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zrdaqz

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/joano9 in r/nanny** Acronyms have been replaced within the text with actual words. --- #[Has anyone brought their former nf yo *[sic]* small claims court?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/z86yai/has_anyone_brought_their_former_nf_yo_small/) - 29 November 2022 *m*Should say to, not yo, thanks autocorrect. I worked for this family for 3 months, mostly for their infant, occasionally their toddler on his days off from daycare. When I interviewed they were transparent that the baby was on the waitlist for brother’s daycare. I was looking for a temp position anyway so it worked out. They didn’t know when the baby would get off the wait list, so I put in the contract that if they couldn’t give me 2 weeks notice, 2 weeks pay would be owed. Last week, they let me know that the baby had gotten off the wait list and would start on Monday. It was all last minute and they had to start paying the daycare right away for the spot. I understood completely. Where I may have fallen short is not bringing up the pay at the time. I assumed they remembered. Until this point, both of us followed the contract to a T. They weren’t unicorns but still very nice, we never had major problems. All this to say, I didn’t expect issues. I was paid on Friday for all of last week, but the 2 weeks owed was not included. I reached out to *[Mom Boss]*, saying “Hi, just received payment. It was short by $1760.” *[Mom Boss]* responded “40 hours x $22=$880”. I said yes, but I’m also owed 2 weeks severance. She tried to pretend she didn’t know what I was talking about so I sent a picture of the contract, which also included her signature (I have families initial after each section, learned my lesson after families would zoom through and claim they never read that). It took her awhile to respond. She finally told me that she didn’t feel they should have to pay as I was aware it was short term and could end at any point. I said they also agreed verbally and in the contract that if they couldn’t give me 2 weeks notice, they’d pay me 2 weeks severance. *[Mom Boss]* ceased all contact at that point. *[Dad Boss]* then called me and told me to not contact them again, hanging up before I could get a word in. They haven’t responded to any of my other texts, calls or emails. I doubt they will. I took a few days to get over the shock as this is a total of 180 of how they acted during my employments. Now, I’m just mad. I want to take it to small claims court but my family seems to think I’ll never see a dime. I know no one can predict the outcome of this case, but I’m curious to know if anyone else has ever brought their *[Nanny Family]* to court? How did it play out? ###Some comments in response to OOP * I have done it and was successful. They even had to pay the filing fee. Do it! Edit: I should also mention I sued for this exact scenario. They had agreed to 2 weeks pay in lieu of notice and tried to tell me the contract was “no longer valid” because they didn’t want it to be. I did get paid the full two weeks and a random PTO day that they had agreed to let me use and then refused to pay (I wasn’t going after that but decided to after they had a lawyer threaten me with a counter lawsuit lol). There’s a decent chance they will pay you once the lawsuit hits their mailbox but before you have to go to court too. * Never done it myself, but I agree that you definitely should pursue this! ETA: I did threaten to take my last *[Nanny Family]* to small claims court, citing our contract and our state’s labor laws, and they ended up just paying me what they owed me. But I think you’re not wrong to pursue this since it’s clearly written in your contract. Their feelings play no part in whether or not they owe you this money. Maybe send them one last text or email to say, “I expect payment by this date or I will be taking you to small claims court.” * So I had to threaten it once unfortunately. Their final cheque bounced and I tried contacting them over and over again. No response. Finally I basically said ok well then we will have to go to court…instant response. But it definitely sounds like they owe you and it is absolutely worth perusing. > **OOP Responds:** This is what I’m hoping. I’m just checking the process but will likely send a “professional” warning tomorrow.   #[Update to taking nf to court](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/z90iru/update_to_taking_nf_to_court/) - 30 November 2022 So thank you for everyone’s advice and input. As many suggested, I reached out one last time with the following, once again attaching our signed contract: “Per our contract, which you signed, I am owed 2 weeks severance. If I do not receive the full amount by Friday, December 2nd, 2022, I will take legal action”. Immediately got a call from *[Dad Boss]*. He pretended to be hurt, saying we were like family, was this really worth ruining our future relationship (we had initially agreed I’d do date nights in the future, absolutely not happening now). I said I have no interest in continuing a personal or professional relationship with them. *[Dad Boss]* called me cold hearted but agreed to send the money. It was sent within the hour. Not a very exciting update but I’m glad it’s done and over! ###Some comments in response * It's funny how "Do you really value [amount] more than our relationship" is so often said by the people owing money, when the same thing can be said by the people owed money! * lmao fuck these people. they knew 100% what they were doing and hoped you'd just go away quietly. Glad it worked out, fuck them all the way to sunday   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

A nanny is treated like family by her bosses... a deadbeat family.

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zreypz

** I am not OP. Original post by u/HotMasterpiece-4466 on r/relationship_advice ** [My (27F) boyfriend(36m) is planning to propose. Should I tell him I slept with his older brother(40m) before we were together](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s08ayz/my27f_boyfriend36m_is_planning_to_propose_should/) 11 months ago I’m not quite sure what my next move should be. Any advice would be awesome… Long story short, THREE years ago I was a server at a local diner and Kyle(my now boyfriend) and his brother Tim were frequent guests. Tim and I spent a lot of time together (if ya know what I mean, strictly sexual) for nearly 6 months and then went our separate ways, nothing specific caused us to fall off, our fling was just over I guess. I’m not sure how to explain it. Absolutely no hard feelings were had. I also changed jobs and didn’t see them anymore. ANYWAYYYSSSS, Kyle messaged me on social media a few weeks after Tim and I split and we hit it off really well, started seeing each other and fell in love. He’s awesome. The best guy I’ve ever been with in every way possible. I found out he’s planning on proposing. Here’s where things get a little chaotic…. We had been together maybe 4 months before I met any of his family. He took me to his moms birthday party and his whole family was there, including Tim AND TIMS WIFE AND KIDS. They are literally an inspirational power couple and their kids are amazing. I was caught completely off guard and decided to wait until we left to mention it to Kyle. Until Tim cornered me, begged me not to say a word to anyone about our fling because it would break his entire family’s heart and destroy his very awesome wife. Like no kidding dude 🙄 I decided to keep it to myself. We see Tim and Angie(his wife) 4 times a year maybe, and it’s always with the rest of the family. Kyle and Tim don’t have the best relationship. So it wasnt a big deal. But now that I know Kyle is planning to propose, i all the sudden feel like I should tell him…………should I?? Or should I just take it to the grave??? Edited to add- I did know they were brothers from the get go. They would come in together and separately. Everyone knew they were brothers. Sorry I didn’t make that more clear! Also, no one knows about Tim & I except the two of us. We played it cool at work and always hung out at his place or mine. Never hung out with friends with each other or went out in public. [UPDATE: My(27f) boyfriend(36m) is planning to propose. Should I tell him I slept with is older brother(40m) before we were together](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s0qlpd/update_my27f_boyfriend36m_is_planning_to_propose/) 11 months ago I’m truly not sure how Reddit actually works so I’m doing the best I can here. I’m going to start off by saying Reddit auto generated my username and I kept it. Don’t hate cause y’all didn’t get as cool of a name as me. Haha Also, thanks for all the support and advice. I really appreciate all the sincere people! As much as I wish this were fake, it isn’t. Please forgive me for my improper use of platonic. Now I know and it won’t happen again. Ha. ANYWAYYYYSSSS, i decided to just go ahead and tell Kyle even though my gut was telling me to take it to the grave….. y’all ain’t going to believe this sh*t…… HE ALREADY KNEW. Him and Tim were working together at the time hence why they were hanging out despite not having the best brotherly relationship. He told me that Tim had mentioned that he was going to try to shoot his shot with me and when Tim didn’t say anything else about it, he figured it was because he had succeeded and they don’t have the best relationship so they don’t really share the normal bro talk….. sorry to let y’all down. He’s completely cool with it. Says it was weird at first but he grew up with his brother always taking girls from him and so on and so forth…. I did ask him why he never mentioned it to me and he said he figured it didn’t mean anything or I would’ve found it important to tell him bc I’ve been open about everything else in my past. Which he is correct, it was literally just sex. Tim also had a company apartment. Which is how I didn’t know about him being freakin married. Which brings me to my next point. I asked Kyle what he thought about telling Angie. He doesn’t know. Him and Tim have such a rocky past he doesn’t want to rock the boat anymore…… Tim literally treats Angie and her kids (they’re not his, I just found that out) like they are the best thing since sliced bread. To the point I couldn’t even tell over all these years that they were his step kids. He adores his wife and kids. She is stellar as well. Truly an amazing human. They’ve laughed and joked at family events how much they love each other, how great their sex life is, and just how amazing their life together is. I know I should tell her her husband is a cheater, but Kyle begged me not to bc he doesn’t want to cause anymore trouble with the family bc apparently their brotherly rival has taken huge tolls on the family before and he doesn’t want to rock the boat or sink the boat again. I know this wasn’t the update y’all were looking for, and y’all will probably hang me out to dry for not telling Tim’s wife, but oh well. Sorry Kyle and I have a great relationship and can see passed things that happened in the past!!! Xoxo Hot mess or whatever my username is 🤣 Redditor: >Why would anyone be disappointed? You told him and he's okay with it! Isn't that what matters in the end? >But the other issue is him (editor's note: the brother) cheating on his wife. I wouldn't call him an inspiration, so this is a totally separate issue here, and it's the bigger issue. She needs to know that she's been cheated on, and yeah, she might be angry, but doesn't she deserve to know this? Who else has he hooked up with? What if he gave her an STI or got someone else knocked up? They deserve the chance to tackle this individually and as a couple. Healthy relationships don't include cheating or lying or hiding things. >I hope you tell her. OOP replies: >I’m truly considering. I just do t want to cause anymore issues for Kyle…… I’m going to ponder it for awhile. I know I would want to know if my seemingly perfect husband wasn’t so perfect after all Redditor replies: >Exactly. Yes, it will hurt her, and she might lash out at you, but she deserves to know. It's not healthy, it's not right, it's not fair. But the more you wait, the more people he might cheat with on her. Keep that in mind. Another Redditor: >If older brother has taken your BFs SOs in the past then that is definitely, a source of friction. I would suggest to just Keep your distance from future BIL and never go there again. If you did decide to tell Angie it would be best anonymously and find the other women he has cheated with and make it about them, because you can be sure he has cheated more than just the one time with you. Keep your time with future BIL out of it. OOP replies: >I’ve always done my best to stay very very far away from Tim. Angie has even reached out to me wanting to be friends and I shamefully always come up with excuses as to why I can’t come hang out or go to dinner and such….. I think anonymously is a great idea. But as of now Kyle has asked me not to say anything so I’d have to do it super super anonymously and I don’t even know where to start to find more dirt on Tim…. Marked as inconclusive since she hasn't updated again in almost a year. ** Reminder: I am not the Original Poster. **

My (27F) boyfriend (36m) is planning to propose. Should I tell him I slept with his older brother (40m) before we were together

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AITA for asking my husband to pay for our son's college with his daughter's fund? + The daughter's comment.

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zrk3ch

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddevils/comments/z2nn5l/a_question_about_sir_alex/) posted by u/the_messer in r/reddevils on 23 Nov 2022 **A Question about Sir Alex** Hi all. This is a long shot (and then some). I'm trying to find some way to reach Sir Alex. My dad was chair of a supporters club for almost 20 years and met Sir Alex on multiple occasions. Unfortunately my dad is now getting palliative care due to an aggressive cancer and I'm trying everything I can to reach out and possibly get a short message for him. As I say, I know it's a long shot but if anyone has any idea how I might manage it I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. ----------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddevils/comments/z4b2ct/update_sir_alexs_team_contacted_me/) posted by u/the_messer in r/reddevils on 25 Nov 2022 **UPDATE: Sir Alex's team contacted me!** Guys I am so indebted to you all. A contact provided by **redacted** panned out and I got an email initially from the club and then from Sir Alex's PA. They're arranging something for my dad now. It's easy to flick by things like this and I guess I just want everyone to know that the kind messages, suggestions and even the upvotes mean a lot to me. More than that, the end result will give my dad an incredibly happy memory in the final chapter of his life. Thank you doesn't cut it, but it's all I've really got, so thank you, thank you, thank you. --------------------------------------- [New Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddevils/comments/zloai8/a_final_update_on_my_dad_and_sir_alex_ferguson/) posted by u/the_messer in r/reddevils on 14 Dec 2022 **A Final Update on my dad and Sir Alex Ferguson** Sir Alex wrote a letter to my dad. It was lovely and incredibly thoughtful of him and something I'll be forever grateful to him for. That gratitude will be forever tied up with this community for making it happen, and specifically **redacted** . You guys are wonderful. The letter didn't make it in time. Things moved really fast in the end, faster than we could ever have believed and between me not thinking to let his PA know and the postal strikes, it was just too late. My dad passed away peacefully almost two weeks ago. In the week leading up to his death I told him about the letter and it woke him up; he was very sleepy but he seemed happy to hear about it. A few days later he told me loved me. Two days after that he passed away really peacefully. He'd be so happy knowing a big pile of United fans are thinking about him. Merry Christmas and much love x **I AM NOT THE OP**

OP wants to get in touch with Sir Alex Ferguson [NEW UPDATE]

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CONCLUDED

AmyClay89538137_6780

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrkpwk/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zrkvcm

[removed]

Ethereum Name Service ($ENS) is Airdropping Tokens worth up to 5000$ for the first 1000 People To Claim it.

CONCLUDED

staygroovy_eth_5562

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrkvcm/ethereum_name_service_ens_is_airdropping_tokens/

zrl1kt

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

dovonun_2855

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrl1kt/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zrl6kk

[removed]

Ethereum Name Service ($ENS) is Airdropping Tokens worth up to 5000$ for the first 1000 People To Claim it.

CONCLUDED

GeorgeBCrypto_3905

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrl6kk/ethereum_name_service_ens_is_airdropping_tokens/

zrl7jr

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

kubsonjack_1854

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrl7jr/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zrlkln

[removed]

Ethereum Name Service ($ENS) is Airdropping Tokens worth up to 5000$ for the first 1000 People To Claim it.

CONCLUDED

MetaPeaceCL_87

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrlkln/ethereum_name_service_ens_is_airdropping_tokens/

zrlr6z

[removed]

Ethereum Name Service ($ENS) is Airdropping Tokens worth up to 5000$ for the first 1000 People To Claim it.

CONCLUDED

OskSta_5678

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrlr6z/ethereum_name_service_ens_is_airdropping_tokens/

zrlre5

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

chester_vi_2314

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrlre5/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/

zrlzm8

[removed]

Ferrari's new NFT collection is Live. 800 NFTs for the first 800 people.

CONCLUDED

Strejoinf_8261

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zrlzm8/ferraris_new_nft_collection_is_live_800_nfts_for/